Three Things I Love About My Childfree Life

I met a woman at a party recently and we went through the usual talk of asking about each other’s lives. When the topic of children came up, she asked if I was a mom. I told her that I’m not, and it was a refreshing change to hear her say that, even though she’s a mom herself, she thinks that me not having kids is a great thing. She imagined that without children I must have much more time and energy to focus on my career, and she was absolutely right.

In my book, Complete Without Kids: An Insider's Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or by Chance, I tell the story of how I stumbled into childfree adulthood by happenstance. I was simply too busy with other things and my partner wasn’t inclined to plan for having children. Then one day I realized that time had made the decision for me. And now that I’m here, I feel grateful for the life I have. Below are a few things that I, and other folks without kids, are able to enjoy.

1. Free time

I watch people around me, both clients and friends, and see them dashing from task to task, from activity to activity, with limited ability to just enjoy the moment. Although I work fulltime, I don’t hire help for any household tasks and do most of the cooking for my husband and me. I still have time for a daily walk or run, leisure reading, time with friends, and I go to bed early every night. I don’t feel like I don’t have the experience described by so many Americans of frantically juggling too many things and feeling exhausted and stressed to the max.

2. More emotional energy for relationships of my choice

Not having children has allowed me to have people in my life that I choose and the time to nurture these relationships in a healthy way. I don’t have to spend Saturday evening with someone who happens to be my child’s parent or stay close to relatives for the sake of keeping my child connected with family.

3. Time and energy for my career

Four out of five women my age are moms and it baffles me to think that many of them are able to work fulltime on top of raising a child. Time experts say that it takes 7.5 hours a day to do child-rearing tasks for two children. These women must be exhausted! As a psychologist, I feel it’s critical to come to work each morning well rested and ready to listen and be fully present for my clients. I feel fortunate that I’m able to do this on a consistent basis. This happens, of course, because I do have the time for self-care, for exercise, leisure time, social time, and sleep.

You sound so awesome, so perect, so blissfully happy, I bet you wish everybody could be just like you!

Are you just hopeless clueless, utterly out to lunch? SUrely, you CAN'T make a living as a psychologist! A psychologist has to be able to read people, and you show absolutely no self-awareness, no grasp at all of how narcissistic you sound.

On top of that, if your piece accurately describes yor "choice" not to have children, well, you DIDN'T actually choose not to have children. You and your hsubdand just dithered a long time, ended up without children, and only THEN started acting smug and idealistic about an unplanned result.

YOU didn't consciously choose to stay "child-free" in order to save the Earth or reduce your carbon footprint, so you're NOT entitled to feel superior or virtuous.

YOU didn't consciously choose to forego kids so that you'd have more time to devote to idealistic causes, so you get NO credit for that.

You pretty much stumbled into an important decision, and then started bragging about your non-decision afterward.

I'm glad you're having fun, but neither parents nor non-parents have anything at all to learn from you.

What's it to you if she likes her childfree life? It doesn't mean your life is any less worthy. With as many nosy/judgmental/intrusive comments childfree adults get, don't they have a right to explain the virtues of their side?

We can all learn from each other - including from this author. I appreciate that she is so willing to express life from her perspective so we adults with kids can be a little more empathetic (and not so snotty and superior that we chose to breed).

I don't feel like other people need to live exactly like me...I don't need other people to copy me to validate my choices. Good for her that she's happy. And you, Susie, may want to take a nap or go to therapy if you're holding on to so much anger.

The constant bragging does get tedious, doesn't it? What bothers me more is the assumption that other people care whether she has kids or not. We don't.

It's your life. Being childfree is working great for you, and that's awesome. Please try to get over the belief that "everyone" wants you to have children. People are just living their own lives the best they can. They really don't have the time or energy to agonize over yours.

And yet the idea that those of us without children don't care that you do often seems to escape people with children. I am not going to do your work, adjust my house, change my language and so forth just because you have kids. And I do wish I could have a conversation with people who are parents that did not include boring and useless things about their children.

The author wrote this for her fellow childfree adults. It's not self-praise.
One could just as easily write about why they love living in their home state or country. It's not about anyone's situation being better or worse.
If you don't like childfree people, why'd you visit this blog?

Ellen Walker doesn't have kids. Ellen Walker is having a pretty nice life. She gets lots of sleep, and works on her hobbies. She had a choice, she made it, she is happy.

If you have kids you'll probably get less sleep and have more stress. There are thousands of women on the Internet and who write books about how happy they are to have the stress of raising children. We have only one woman who is writing about the joys of not having children, why does she need to be ripped apart and insulted?

Somebody is angry and frightened that the life Ellen Walker has chosen might catch on and become a respected choice.

Not having to support children. Wages have stagnated since the 1970s for all but the wealthiest. I doubt that I have the energy to do more than my work. It would be unfair to a child not to give it the advantages of the very wealthy: access, beginning at least with middle school, to preparation for enrollment in the elite universities, where the overwhelming majority of the professoriate comes from; adequate medical care, opportunities for travel, networking. No, I would be raising a child whose life work in all probability would be to serve the elites whose ranks that child could never join.

unhappy (most) people, will kill you for your freedom. I have learned to keep that to myself.

Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what's it's all about, all right. But talkin' about it and bein' it, that's two different things. I mean, it's real hard to be free when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they're gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about individual freedom. But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.

I am a mom and I enjoyed reading her perspective. I love my son immensely I can't imagine my life without him. But its okay if women choose to not have children and are able to freely enjoy their child free life. Good for her for articulately the positives of her child free. I am sure someone who may either by choice or were prevented from having kids could find encouragement from this article. And in the not too distance future my son will leave the nest and create his own. And then it will be time for me to figure how to enjoy an adult life of my own.
People are so judgmental about how others lives and choices. Child free or one child or ten children...Its all about making decisions that work best for an individual.

As a parent of one, I enjoyed this article. I too wish I had more time to myself, instead of always being a sleep deprived spectator/servant to someone else's life and volatile moods. Being a parent is joyful sometimes. Most of the time its just unpaid work. Given the population of the earth, we should all be striving to have less or even no children. Unfortunately, for every person practicing restraint, there is a mindless breeding animal having 4 or 5 or 6 kids. In the US, this is true with illegal immigrants. California became majority Mexican/hispanic this month. That will be true of the country as a whole within two generations. We often talk about how we owe law breaking illegal immigrants everything; We owe them citizenship, we owe their many children citizenship, we owe them access to drivers licenses and access to healthcare. We owe their children welfare money and free public education and, later on, college scholarships. We owe them so much. All this, just so we can save a few dollars here and their to avoid paying Americans living wages in agriculture, construction, and food services. What do illegal immigrants owe us? How about restraining yourselves to a financially and environmentally responsible number of children? Can we ask that, or is that racist?

I am childless too, by choice, and find that my life is "oh so good" in so many ways. When I think about what I am grateful for, it's having a life that I "chose" opposed to the one I was supposed to live. My Mom is envious of my life choice and has told me several times. That makes me feel good... not bad as others have suggested. At least she is honest.

And any animal can breed and have off-spring. So congratulations...your life is as meaningful as a cats. I'm so tired of adults with children acting like they are the next coming of christ and are so "giving and self-less". Give me a break. Some of the most judgmental, critical, rude and uncaring people I have met are "mommys".

I wish our society was more tolerant of people who are childfree, regardless if it is by choice or situation. It is a travesty that us childfree women are referred to as selfish or inferior when in fact we are responsible since we are not having kids because of the expected norm to do so.

I appreciate articles like this to remind me that I am not alone, especially on days like today, Mother's Day. I am not less of a woman for not having a child. I just chose a different path.