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1.30.2011

MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID

If you see two pop stars from the 1980s (and one from the 1960s), cheesy CGI monsters, and an incoherent story, it can only mean one thing: a Syfy Channel original movie. This time around it's Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, which pits giant snakes against giant gators -- and Debbie Gibson against Tiffany.

Animal-rights activist Nikki (Debbie Gibson -- oops, Deborah Gibson) frees some pythons from a lab into the waters of the Florida Everglades. They start killing off the alligator population, so police officer Terry (Tiffany) does the logical thing: opens hunting season for pythons, so drunk rednecks can wander around shooting. When that ingenious plan doesn't work (and Terry's fiancee winds up as python food), she comes up with a more ingenious plan: inject raw chickens with anabolic steroids and experimental growth chemicals, then feed them to the alligators! What could go wrong?

Judging by Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, everything could go wrong -- and did. It's no surprise that neither Ms. Gibson nor Tiffany can act, but the talented A. Martinez and Kathryn Joosten are wasted here. Syfy Channel may have established a niche for CGI critters eating humans and battling each other, but seeing fake snakes and alligators (what exactly is a gatoroid, anyway?) chomping on people and lumbering/slithering around gets old very quickly. There's also very little entertainment from Ms. Gibson and Tiffany insulting each other, dropping titles from their songs into their dialogue, and having a catfight-food fight. And what's Mickey Dolenz from the Monkees doing in this?