Saturday, October 3, 2015

Nuggets of Wisdom

We're blogging again, which means we just finished another job! We get that we really need to be better about this. Maintaining this blog has become another one of those empty promises you make to yourself, like "I'll buy organic food once I can afford it" and "I'll have lunch with my friends once I have actual friends." But writing is hard, you guys. Everything we write is an art form, from a 15-word tweet to a 120 page screenplay. I believe this with my heart, my soul, and my wallet, because saying this means people will keep paying us to do it.

This job came with a lot of perks. We had a wonderful writers room, we were based on the Disney lot, and we had constant access to string cheese. Also they were holding auditions for a show in our hallway so every time we walked through, everyone looked at us hopefully and we felt important for, like, five seconds until they realized people dressed like us couldn't possibly have any power. Plus we learned a lot! For example...

Farts can cure cancer

It's in Time Magazine...'s website, so it must be true! Apparently hydrogen sulfite, which is found in farts, can help protect mitochondria which in turn generate energy in your cells, which is central to preventing diseases such as cancer, arthritis, and strokes. This, of course, led to a room bit that involved farting then saying "you're welcome." We later learned that smelling farts can also be toxic in large doses. So I guess the lesson is: if you're sick, it might be because of farts but also you can cure yourself with more farts.

How to eat an apple

In addition to string cheese and Goldfish crackers, we had a steady stream of apples in the office (yes, we ate like 8 year-olds). One day, fellow writer and boss man Plattie ate an apple. Like, the entire apple except for the stem. We all looked at him like he was crazy and he looked at us like "what?" Joanna informed him that apple seeds have arsenic and I nodded knowingly even though this was news to me. The next time Plattie ate an apple he asked Joanna how to eat it without getting poisoned. Joanna: "Just eat it like a person."

Fun fact: all the pics of girls eating apples were cute, like they were taking dainty lady bites.
All the pics of kids were like "IMMA PUT MY WHOLE FACE IN THIS APPLE!!"

If you can't close a fridge door, there's probably something in the way.

One day, Plattie was having a hard time closing a fridge door. He repeatedly attempted to close it by slamming it over and over, to no avail. Fellow writer Lauren had enough. She walked over to the fridge, quickly assessed the situation and turned to Plattie. "You see this?" She pointed to a bottle on the floor between the fridge and the door. "This is why you couldn't close the door." She moved it, and the door closed! We learned how to close a fridge door and that Lauren was really good at "mom tone."

"Fridges are hard! Also, who keeps crackers in the fridge?"

"What is a butt? It's like your legs end... in a butt."

Those are just some words worth documenting from our fellow writer, Alex Reid.

Steak and eggs is what you should have for breakfast

It says so in this video that we watched all the time. I mean, this video that we staunchly ignored because we were hard at work.