Sunday, May 9, 2010

Well, add Dan Aykroyd to the list of wacky celebrities. Wacky celebrities with wacky ideas that they share with the world via centarian Larry King on CNN.Now, I don't know why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King. I can't possibly imagine what the topic was. And it's not like I would trust CNN to tell me at this point anyway. For cryin' out loud, their captioning guy can't even spell "consultant" correctly. Behold!

"Consulatant". Great. Anyway, if spelling were the wackiest thing that was going on here, I'd consider all of us quite lucky. But it's not. Nope. Not even close. From what I can tell, Dan was asked about what he thinks about aliens and whether or not they have visited this planet. Please note that considering the caption says that he is a "consulatant" for something called the "Mutual UFO Network", it's a pretty safe bet that he's going to be pro-alien in this instance.

But what IS the Mutual UFO Network you ask before I can get to the kooky talk? Well, according to theirwebsite, "Founded in 1969, the Mutual UFO Network, Inc. (MUFON) is a nonprofit corporation dedicated, through its volunteers, to resolving the scientific enigma known collectively as unidentified flying objects (UFOs)." Hmmm. Now, look, it would be rather egotistical (I think) for one to think that planet Earth is the ONLY planet in this ridiculously huge solar system that has intelligent life. I'm good with that. But it's when people start talking all crazy about it that it starts sounding just completely nuts. Kinda like Dan Aykroyd did.

Just like I can't quite surmise why Dan Aykroyd was on Larry King, I can't possibly guess as to what he was asked that would make him give this rambling diatribe:

"They only land in isolated places. They have taken people, I believe. They do have technology. Lord Hill Norton of the, uh, British Defense Staff said that he believed 23 people, er, 23 different species are coming because they don't want anything to do with us. I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact with any alien species out there. Especially after 9/11 when we broke our toys in the sandbox. If they were observing that, goodbye human race. And, uh, honestly, I don't think they're a mass threat, but I do believe they're breaking the law. I'm serious. Title eighteen twelve-oh-two. Read the Travis Walton story." OK, then. What do you say to that? I'll get right on it?

I suppose that I'd have to start off with "What in the hell are you talking about, sir?! Lord who? The Waltons? What? Sandbox? 9/11? Goodbye? What?!" You know how on an iPod you can put it on "Shuffle" and it will just randomly search through your iPod and then start playing songs at random? It's like Dan Aykroyd put his vocabulary on "Shuffle" and words just started flying out of his mouth at random. What in the world is he talking about?

And even though I don't know what you'd say and I don't know what I'd say, I certainly know what Larry King said. He asked him (of all things), "How do you arrest them?" And while that is a seemingly valid question, given everything Dan was just spouting off about, it's kind of the least of the things that I was really curious about, you know?

But Dan answered him with "Uh, that's the king. The FBI should be on that right away. I don't think they're a mass threat. If you want to save lives in this country, teach people to drive better, remove the cocaine appetite in the United States and stop people from texting while driving. That's the way to save lives." Wait. What's the king? I missed that part (and believe me, I was paying very close attention). Why did cocaine get brought into this? Are people doing the cocaine while they're texting while driving? I certainly hope not. That seems like an awful lot to try to manage all at the same time. The cell phone, the mirror, the straw...it does seem dangerous, though.

He came up with all of that in answer to how does one arrest these aliens that are here and breaking law eighteen twelve-oh-two in a way that may or may not involve a one Travis Walton?! Are you kidding me?

He finished up with, "I look at this...I look at this through the entertainment filter, Larry. That's what I do." That's hard to disagree with. It was definitely entertaining. Crazy as a pet coon, but entertaining none the less. The video of him spouting such entertainment is below. If you can make heads or tails out of it, please, for the love of God, let me know. It's things like this that tend to keep me up at night. Sometimes.