How To Survive An Asperger Marriage

Marriage
is
contentious
under
the
best
of
circumstances.
Committing
your
entire
life
to
someone
is
an
enormous
undertaking,
and
is
not
without
plenty
of
risks
and
possibilities
for
failure.
Adding
a
complication
such
as
a
neurological
disorder
can
further
exacerbate
the
difficulty
of
marriage,
and
may
prove
too
much
for
one
or
both
parties
to
handle.

Asperger's
is
no
longer
a
diagnosis,
according
to
the
DSM
5,
but
instead
falls
under
the
heading
of
"Autism
Spectrum
Disorder."
Newly-diagnosed
adults
with
Asperger's
will
likely
receive
an
ASD
diagnosis,
while
men
and
women
who
have
known
about
their
condition
for
many
years
will
likely
still
operate
under
the
diagnosis
of
"Asperger's."
Regardless
of
the
terminology
used,
there
are
challenges
and
strengths
unique
to
ASD
that
can
be
difficult
to
navigate
within
marriage.

Source:
pxhere.com

What
Is
Asperger's?

Asperger's
is
a
neurological
disorder
falling
under
the
heading
of
an
Autism
Spectrum
Disorder.
An
Asperger's
diagnosis
typically
means
the
individual
in
question
is
a
high-functioning
adult
on
the
spectrum
and
does
not
experience
as
many
of
the
severe
qualities
of
autism
as
someone
who
is
considered
low
functioning.

Typically,
men
and
women
with
Asperger's
are
marked
by
difficulty
understanding
social
cues
and
expectations,
a
tendency
to
develop
intense
focus,
a
lack
of
empathy,
and
a
tendency
toward
obsession.
Before
diagnosis,
these
individuals
might
struggle
with
making
or
keeping
friends,
and
might
not
be
able
to
understand
the
difference
between
carrying
on
a
conversation
and
delivering
a
soliloquy.

Asperger's
is
treated
primarily
via
therapy
and
medication.
Therapies
geared
toward
ASD
or
Asperger's
usually
include
speech,
occupational,
physical,
and
ABA
therapies,
all
of
which
encourage
people
on
the
spectrum
to
develop
life
skills
and
learn
how
to
interact
with
others
and
the
world
in
a
safe,
healthy
way.
Some
medications
can
help
individuals
with
Asperger
Syndrome
develop
better
focus
and
may
even
target
some
of
the
sensory
difficulties
people
with
Asperger's
hear.

How
Often
Do
People
With
ASD
Get
Married?

Although
there
are
no
definite
statistics
regarding
autism
and
marriage,
one
study
found
that
just
over
32%
of
people
with
ASD
reported
having
a
partner,
compared
to
50%
of
the
typical
population.
Both
diagnosed
and
undiagnosed
people
with
Asperger's
have
found
success
in
romantic
relationships.
There
are
some
resources
available
to
both
individuals
with
Asperger's
and
partners
of
people
on
the
spectrum
to
assist
with
romantic
relationships,
including
therapy
and
support
groups.

Different
Types
Of
Marriage
Within
Asperger's

There
are
different
types
of
marriage
within
the
Asperger's
community,
including
a
marriage
between
two
people
on
the
spectrum,
and
marriage
between
someone
with
Asperger's
and
someone
who
is
neurotypical
(NT).
Each
type
of
marriage
can
present
some
difficulties,
and
each
can
have
its
strengths
and
assets.

Marriages
between
two
adults
with
ASD
are
common,
the
partners
citing
understanding
and
common
interests
as
the
most
likely
reason
for
choosing
their
partners.
These
relationships
can
be
more
comfortable
ones,
as
two
people
with
Asperger's
are
more
readily
able
to
communicate
and
understand
one
another's
experience
of
the
world
and
all
of
the
sensory
input
it
offers.
These
marriages
are
further
helpful
for
people
on
the
spectrum,
as
they
might
not
carry
the
same
social
and
romantic
expectations
a
marriage
with
a
neurotypical
peer
might.

Marriages
between
someone
with
Asperger's
and
a
neurotypical
person
may
come
with
more
struggles,
as
partners
might
experience
greater
difficulty
in
communicating
and
comprehending
one
another's
needs,
experiences,
and
flaws.
One
of
the
greatest
strengths
of
an
ASD/NT
marriage
is
the
ability
to
learn
from
one
another
and
balance
out
one
another's
strengths
and
struggles.
One
of
the
greatest
pitfalls,
however,
is
the
possibility
for
miscommunication
and
dissatisfaction
from
both
parties
if
constant,
consistent
communication
and
self-care
is
not
engaged.

Source:
pxhere.com

Common
Pitfalls

The
most
common
source
of
difficulty
within
an
Asperger's
marriage
is
communication.
In
both
types
of
Asperger
Syndrome
marriage,
communication
breakdowns
can
be
a
huge
source
of
tension.
Between
two
people
with
ASD,
for
instance,
communicating
wants
and
needs
of
both
parties
can
be
extremely
difficult-or
missed
entirely.
In
a
relationship
between
someone
with
Asperger's
and
a
neurotypical
partner,
the
NT
partner
is
more
likely
to
experience
unmet
needs
as
a
result
of
gaps
in
understanding.

Affection
can
also
prove
difficult
within
Asperger's
marriages.
While
both
parties
might
have
some
touch
aversions
or
some
difficulty
expressing
emotions
outwardly
in
a
marriage
where
both
parties
have
Asperger's,
an
NT/ASD
marriage
might
encounter
larger
margins
for
error
in
this
arena,
as
many
people
see
affection
as
an
expected
part
of
a
romantic
relationship.

Another
common
source
of
contention
is
the
different
ways
people
with
Asperger's
view
of
the
world,
and
the
way
a
neurotypical
person
views
the
world.
In
most
cases,
men
and
women
with
Asperger's
rely
more
upon
demonstrable
logic
than
emotional
appeals,
and
might
not
pick
up
on
emotional
cues
put
forth
by
their
partner.
Understanding
that
this
is
a
neurological
difference
and
not
an
intentional
slight
can
help
both
partners
reach
an
awareness
of
one
another's
needs
and
limitations
to
avoid
unnecessary
pain
or
confusion.

Keys
To
Success

The
most
important
key
to
success
in
an
Asperger's
marriage
is
the
same
as
the
most
important
key
in
a
typical
marriage:
communication.
Each
partner
goes
into
a
marriage
relationship
with
certain
ideas
and
expectations
regarding
their
partner,
their
life,
and
their
decision-making.
If
these
expectations
are
not
brought
to
light,
discussed,
and
agreed-upon,
resentment
can
begin
to
fester
in
both
parties
quickly.
Although
there
may
be
some
initial
stumbling
through
communication
between
a
partner
with
neurotypical
development
and
a
partner
with
Asperger
Syndrome,
consistent
practice
and
straightforward
discussion
can
alleviate
many
of
the
challenges
associated
with
communication
breakdowns
and
damaged
expectations.

Source:
pxhere.com

Another
important
factor
in
making
sure
marriages
between
individuals
with
Asperger's
is
therapy.
Although
not
every
single
couple
will
absolutely
require
a
therapist
to
sort
out
any
difficulties
or
sources
of
dissatisfaction,
keeping
the
lines
of
communication
open
regarding
the
possible
need
for
a
therapist
is
essential.
Both
couples
and
individual
therapy
sessions
can
help
partners
understand
one
another
better,
understand
their
own
needs
better,
and
more
effectively
make
sure
their
own
needs
are
met-very
often
by
meeting
those
needs,
themselves.
Therapy
can
be
a
weekly
appointment,
or
can
even
be
used
as
a
source
of
marriage
maintenance,
wherein
couples
see
a
therapist
every
few
months
or
once
a
year
to
receive
some
objective
mediation
for
unresolved
conflicts
or
concerns.

An
open
mind
is
going
to
be
pivotal
in
making
sure
an
Asperger
marriage
survives.
Although
preconceived
notions
can
be
useful
in
predicting
some
of
what
is
involved
in
a
marriage
relationship,
walking
into
a
lifelong
commitment
with
a
prescribed
set
of
demands
is
a
recipe
for
disaster
in
any
marriage-and
more
so
for
a
marriage
between
two
people
with
vast
neurological
differences.
Keeping
an
open
mind
to
new
ways
to
communicate,
new
ways
to
connect,
and
even
new
ways
to
show
attention
and
affection
can
go
a
long
way
in
making
sure
an
Asperger
marriage
is
not
only
successful
but
thriving.

Surviving
An
Aspergers
Marriage

Marriage,
as
a
whole,
is
a
challenging
enterprise.
Two
people
uniting
two
lives
are
paved
with
possible
roadblocks,
pain,
and
frustration,
as
well
as
incredible
support,
strength,
and
beauty.
The
difference
between
the
two
lies
in
how
devoted
and
committed
two
parties
are
to
one
another,
regardless
of
whether
or
not
Asperger's
is
thrown
into
the
mix.

That
being
said,
there
is
no
denying
that
adding
Asperger's
to
the
already-rocky
terrain
of
marriage
brings
a
new
level
of
strain.
Between
communication
differences,
sensory
differences,
and
overall
functional
differences,
people
with
Asperger's
and
their
neurotypical
peers
must
be
sensitive
to
one
another's
needs
to
keep
harmony
firmly
in
place
in
a
relationship.

Source
pxhere.com

The
partner
with
Asperger's
must
learn
to
read
signals
and
cues
that
are
not
always
readily
apparent.
This
can
be
achieved
through
the
therapy,
to
learn
how
to
determine
social
and
emotional
cues
more
accurately,
or
can
be
learned
through
trial
and
error
with
one's
spouse,
provided
that
one's
spouse
is
willing
to
put
in
the
work.
The
ASD
partner
must
also
be
willing
to
reside
in
discomfort
at
times,
as
living
with
and
loving
others
requires
a
lot
of
hard
work
and
can
be
loud,
overwhelming,
and
confusing.

The
NT
partner
must
recognize
that
their
experience
of
the
world
is
not
the
only
one
and
that
something
that
may
seem
innocuous
to
them
can
be
downright
painful
for
their
partner.
Also,
NT
partners
must
learn
to
develop
a
thick
skin;
what
might
seem
like
cruel
or
hurtful
language
(or
lack
of
language)
may
not
be
a
personal
slight,
but
a
simple
matter
of
lack
of
contextual
understanding
or
social
norms.

Working
together,
couples
in
an
Asperger
marriage
can
experience
the
same
joy
and
fulfillment
found
in
a
neurotypical
marriage.
With
plenty
of
understanding,
patience,
and
perseverance,
couples
can
learn
to
love
and
accept
one
another's
strengths
and
weaknesses
and
celebrate
their
differences,
rather
than
letting
their
differences
interfere
with
a
lifetime
of
commitment
to
one
another.

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.

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