Carmen Lezeth Suarez – Adviser, Writer, Performer

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My Baggage is Bigger Than Your Baggage

I’m not a big fan of recapping the prior year and making resolutions in the New Year. The analyzing of the prior year ends up making me reflect on things that went well, but also on things that went “not-so-well” and future resolutions always seems too dreamy to me. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to have goals, but I think on-going betterment of the self on a daily basis is a better strategy. At least for me.

With that said, I can’t help but share a few fascinating things that I’ve incorporated into my everyday life that has really put me in a whole new frame of mind. I’m on a different playing field now and things just feel better. It didn’t happen overnight, but when I see where I am right now in my life and look back at where I started, I feel like some of these basic choices/tools might be similar to what others have done or are doing – and if you haven’t done them yet, maybe this might help get you started.

Eliminate the “wishy-washy people” out of your life.

This seems like a no brainer when talking about people who physically abuse you, or emotionally hurt you. But even the subtle people are obvious to me now. We all know the type: the big talker, the name dropper, the “let’s do lunch” cliché-ism that infests most of Hollywood and Wall Street. But I’m also talking about the “I’m so busy” people. The “I’m finding myself” people. The overly “spiritual” “life coached” folks — you know, the ones who call themselves “enlightened” but are actually just idiots? I’ve said this before: truly enlightened people never say they’re enlightened. People who brag about how Yoga or meditation have changed their “being” and yet, they still treat the waiter or the janitor like they’re below them? Yeah, I’ve gotten rid of all of these people in my daily life. Anyone who remotely annoys me on any level, I’ve just stopped. I don’t respond to them, I don’t initiate communication – I just let them be. They have no effect on me whatsoever.

And here’s the great thing about walking away from people who do not add to your livelihood –when you eliminate people out of your life who cause you more harm than good, new people show up. And you feel excited by the possibility of a new relationships and new moments. Now, it may be that these folks don’t work out either, but it’s exciting and new – and for me, I made three great new friends this year. Surprisingly, I would have never met them had I not walked away from “people” that were not adding to my life’s breath.

Do what feels right to you!

I always ask people for their opinion. I do. I like to cover all my bases. It makes me feel in control if I get as much information as possible and then make a decision. That’s not bad thing to do. And it’s why I’m good at my work – whether creatively or in my consulting business. But, at the end of the day, going with my gut, always prevails. Always. I don’t care if Stephen Hawking himself tells me I’m wrong about something, I’m going to go with my gut anyways. Now, you should know the consequences of your actions and be willing to accept them, but when you do this, when you listen to – what I like to call – God’s whisper, some call it an inner voice, a gut feeling – you’re making a choice based on all your experiences, all your knowledge and all your inner knowing of things. There’s something powerful in that.

Now, that doesn’t mean at times it doesn’t work out. But, the cool thing is, when you listen to your inner voice, your gut, you tend to have no regrets, even if it doesn’t work out. But, if you went against the grain, went against what you believed, then it’s more likely that whatever choice you made would be regrettable.

Love and embrace your baggage!

Lately I’ve been listening to people talk about “baggage”. Life coaches, therapists and gurus tell you all the time that you need to get rid of your “baggage” or deal with your “baggage”. It always seems so negative. I’ve always seen my baggage as evidence of the journey I’ve been on. I wouldn’t trust anyone who didn’t have baggage, because it would mean they hadn’t lived. They haven’t travelled on this journey called life. The only people who shouldn’t have baggage of any real dimension, are children. 7 year olds.

Baggage, or, my past, is what has brought me to this point in time. Getting rid of it would mean, getting rid of the good stuff too – and why would I do that? This idea that our past is some horrible linkage to a time that we should forget in order to live in the present, is a falsehood. Just because people say it all the time doesn’t make it true. First of all, getting rid of your baggage is impossible to do. We all have memories. We all have past experiences. And those memories, those experiences, good and bad, are what make up most of what we are in this moment. Embrace it. Own it. Love who you are because of it all.

Now being 30 years old and living like you’re a 12 year old because you’re stuck in the past and still want your mommy – that’s a whole other thing. That’s not what I’m taking about – and that would most likely require a doctor’s help. Someone dealing with trauma of any sort, should always get professional help. But let’s be clear, this is not about baggage – now we’re talking about mental health. Please when in doubt, consult a professional doctor and understand the difference.

Love yourself unconditionally!

This is a hard one. It sounds like an easy one, but truly loving yourself is hard because we’re not used to thinking this way. We find it so easy to say to ourselves, “Uggh, you’re so stupid.” When we do something wrong. Or “Oh, you look so fat!” – when we don’t like an outfit that we’ve tried on. We’re always so mean to ourselves. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told yourself that you loved yourself completely and without any reservations or conditions at all? Could you even read that sentence without snickering a bit or giggling?

This was the most transformative thing that I’ve done in the past year. Really embracing my own brilliance and not feeling weird about it, bad about it, or giggling about it. Knowing that I have such gifts and talents and accepting that I have faults and make mistakes and that THAT is okay and part of the human journey has been freeing! It has completely changed how I interact with others and more importantly, how I view my purpose on the planet.

So, those four things: Eliminate wishy-washy people, Do what feels right, Embrace your baggage, Love yourself unconditionally– those very specific four things have been life changing for me. This past year has been an amazing revelation and unfolding of a very wonderful, very exciting life. I can only imagine that a lot of it had to do with learning to incorporate each one of these aspects into my daily life fully. It didn’t happen overnight and there were struggles along the way, but I have to say, I’m so glad I’m finally here!

And thank you to all of you, who helped walk me through.

Merry Christmas, Happy Festivus, Happy Hanuka, Happy Kwanza – and Season Greetings to any others I may have missed.

“When you eliminate people out of your life who cause you more harm than good, new people show up.”

That is so true. Unfortunately, many are afraid of change in their lives and think they feel more comfortable with what they’re used to. Including being around those people who aren’t right for them.

You know where I come from and after I broke contact with the negative people in my life, I got introduced to the good ones. Hey, I met you! I don’t think there’s a better example of how good it is to allow a little change in your life.