Speidi-Pratt: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are armed and ready to meet a ‘crazed fan’

SDEIDI is HeidiMontag and Spencer Pratt, a waxy coupling last seen winning Celebrity Big Brother on Channel 5 (now snow free!). For the third issue on the bounce, Speidi is on OK!’s cover. We go “inside their £7m Californian Beach House“. We learn “We’ve Gained FIVE Stone”.

You start to think that that FIVE stone is part of the marketing for their documentary on Channel 5, OK!’s sister organ. Called Speidi: Scandal, Secrets & Surgery!, the show is a warts-and-all-removed look at the couple who defeated Toadfish from Neighbours Sam Robertson from CBB and aide to masturbation Lucy Banghard to be stars.

Says Heidi Speidi from her parents’ Santa Barbara home: “It’s great to see the whales again.”

This is topped by Spencer Speidi telling OK! that he plans to relocate to the UK and become a Royal:

“I will buy a peerage so that Heidi and I can be Lord and Lady Pratt.”

Save your money for when you move out of Heidi’s dad’s home (Spencer says this house is his “most extravagant possession” – note to Dad Speidi: change locks.). Unless Noel Edmonds and wife beat you to it, Lord and Lady Pratt is yours for the owning.

Spencer than talks about guns. He says they are all held in the “bank-grade vault”. He says: “You don’t want the bad guys to be able to get to your guns.” She adds:

“I’d like to say something about guns as well. I think it is one of the greatest rights to be an American. I personally didn’t feel safe especially with crazed fans out there and stalkers. If somebody broke into our home, I think this is the only thing that would actually save my life.”

Once you’ve opened the vault, sure. Unless that crazed fan is in the vault. Or in your mind?