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There are three times a person with otherwise solid bladder control will pee themselves.

1. Too drunk to notice.

2. Too hysterical with laughter.

3. Too bejeesussly scared.

If you join me and Burgh Baby and Scott Harbaugh from WPXI and Tall Cathy from 96.1 KISS FM on October 19 at the ScareHouse, you have a very good chance of peeing your pants thanks to numbers 2 and 3. We will stop you from reaching number 1. Because we care. Fingerhearts.

Crazy Scary is a fundraiser hosted by the ScareHouse wherein they donate proceeds from the day’s sales to Make Room for Kids and Burgh Baby’s Christmas Crazy for Kids. Last year, that meant Make Room for Kids was given over THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS.

This is a great way for us to put the first dollars in the pot for the next phase of Make Room for Kids. You recall we have already taken care of the transplant kids and the “Frequent Fliers” and the Mario Lemieux Foundation will soon be announcing the next ward of the hospital to benefit from gaming out the wazoo, which is what the brochure would say if I was allowed to write it.

Last year was a contest between Michelle and I wherein we both, mysteriously, ended up losing. This is the part of the post where I should put the picture of Michelle in a horrifying princess gown and Mommy Dearest makeup, but she will come to my house and unleash pigeons into it if I do. I got enough problems with stinkbugs.

This year we’re roping other local celebs into the shenanigans and it promises to be a fantastic time in the VIP room at the ScareHouse.

Here are the details of Crazy Scary Dos 2.0 a Deux de Second II on October 19 at 7:00 p.m.

Cost: $35. FOR SICK AND NEEDY KIDS! And yes, every single cent goes to our charities!

What you get:

Access to the RIP lounge! This is where the fun happens as we mingle, chat, eat, imbibe, and try not to pee as scary monsters mingle with us. This will also be the site of various shenanigans throughout the evening including challenges with less than savory punishments for the loser. I plan to punish Burgh Baby this year, so you better show up on MY SIDE, Internet. None of that losing crap like last year.

1 free Clique Vodka Zombitini! Clique Vodka will be there running a cash bar and just being awesome at Vodka. I’m awesome at tequila.

RIP access to the ScareHouse. All three haunts including the new Pittsburgh Zombies haunt. RIP means you don’t have to wait in line, and trust me, ScareHouse has a line these days. NO LINE FOR YOU! If you choose to do it. You don’t have to walk the haunt if you’re a giant scaredy-cat baby. If you don’t plan to do it, can I suggest a few Zombitinis and THEN you decide? I bet after two or three you’ll be all, “LET’S HAUNT THIS BITCH.”

If you ONLY want to do the ScareHouse minus the fun and RIP treatment, or if you don’t snag an RIP ticket, you can purchase regular tickets by clicking here and using the code CRAZY. A portion of those proceeds will also go to Make Room for Kids.

So make plans now to join me and a bunch of awesome Burghers for Crazy Scary Dos 2.0 a Deux de Second II!

And bring some Depends!

For me. I’ll be the curly-haired chick hiding in a corner screaming, “I DON’T WANT YOU TO EAT MY BRAINS! I THINK I’M PEEING!”

For all of you scaredy cats and kittens: the VIP event takes place on the 2nd floor of our haunt, away from all the scary stuff on the first floor – so you really don’t need to go through the actual haunted house if you’re too freaked out by such things.

I fully expect to see plenty of people again this year who have no plans to actually enter the haunt, but they still enjoy the great people, food, prizes, and ZombiTinis upstairs.