Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Originally Posted by @llli*james.mama

I love the idea of babywearing him. We use a ring sling right now and I will have to use it more often when my parents are visiting.

My sling saved me when my son was a newborn! I recommend it even when your parents are not around to help you get some of that coursework done. I was teaching two undergraduate classes when mine was born and went back at 3 weeks to finish out the semester (only 2 weeks left). I kept that boy in the sling almost constantly, nursing and walking and swaying him to keep him happy as I wrote and graded exams and my last lectures. I was also able to get out of the house for short walks with him which was critical for my mental health as well.

And yes, either your parents abide by your wishes, or they don't get to care for your baby. Delaying feedings is potentially dangerous. My FIL used to make little comments about schedules and and my son's lack thereof. Fortunately Iwas able to put him in his place using the evidence against this. I hope your parents eventually get the picture too!

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

yes, babywearing! and put your parents to work on OTHER things that need to be done, like dishes, laundry, and cooking, which is really what you need help with right now. and yes, be more assertive he's your baby, not theirs.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

I agree with the advice given thus far. I just wanted to chime in to say that setting up healthy boundaries with your parents, while very hard to do, is absolutely essential, IMO. Boundaries doesn't have to equal complete rejection of them, or the help they have to offer in other areas. I think getting them to help with other household tasks so that can free you up to take care of your baby and your schoolwork is a great plan. I have faith that you can do this!

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Oh I am so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences/d this!

Call us crazy, we took a road trip back to Ohio immediately after Leo's 2 week check (DH's in the army so we're nowhere near family). I didn't want houseguests ALL SUMMER LONG, so we decided to bite the bullet and see everyone at once. We stayed at my parents', which is great because they're really good about letting us do our own thing but we do a lot with them, too (and my brothers are currently there so DH got to hang with them a lot which was good for him). But...Mom never BF any of us and OMG she drove us nuts shoving that paci in his mouth (and insisting I give him water because it was so hot...and that it's wrong for him to feed for so long...)!!! It was hard having to constantly feed with visitors, and only a few people understood why it was going the way it was. It was actually really nice though, he gave me a reason to get away from the ILs, and I gave him a reason to escape from all the chaos! It was great experiencing the symbiotic relationship of BF like that

One evening, after a particularly long day where I was feeding Leo incessantly, it seemed like he had had enough for the time being and DH and I headed out for a walk to Wendy's. We were gone about an hour. We came back and Leo was in tears, and Mom told me, "Look, your baby's miserable. He's colicky and you need to get him xxxxx (whatever that gripe water stuff is), it's got to be something you're eating that's making him so gassy..." I tried calmly explaining how BM is made from my blood so even if I had eaten onions or soda that made me gassy it wouldn't affect him...that he's not colicky just hungry...but man when she said the baby was miserable it just made me feel like the ****tiest mother alive.

She knows she came across strong.

I've found that, with advice from family that loves you, 1) no matter how it comes across it's 99% of the time from a place of caring---if they didn't care they wouldn't speak up 2) since it's free, you can leave it!

You never have to take any one's advice. You can try to educate them, but you can't educate those who don't want to learn. And parents especially, they may feel like you're criticizing their parenting techniques if you do things differently than they did with you.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Babywear.

And seriously, now is the time to set limits. My own mother almost did the same thing. She suggested I use a pacifier for my first baby, who was high needs and had acid reflux. He never lost weight from it though, and I didn't schedule him or make him wait. But that stupid binky was an issue for months.

There is a handout out there that shows early hunger cues. Maybe that would be helpful. I'll see if I can find it...

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Originally Posted by @llli*raejoy

Oh I am so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who experiences/d this!

You never have to take any one's advice. You can try to educate them, but you can't educate those who don't want to learn. And parents especially, they may feel like you're criticizing their parenting techniques if you do things differently than they did with you.

I think my MIL felt this way about the bf issue, but she also had a crazy manipulative MIL that she was always afraid of becoming. It is a careful balance between setting boundaries and pushing them too far away.

I do remember my grandma criticizing my SIL because, "we were told to keep them on a strict schedule of eating every four hours." She also didn't breast feed because she didn't have enough milk. I didn't point out that there might be a connection between these two things.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Just to give perspective, in my experience breastfeeding was only the first of many instances where my husband’s and my ideas about parenting and those of our parents/grandparents/siblings/best friends/coworkers etc. differed.

Looking back over 9 years of being parents, I realize my husband and I have been criticized by someone, at some point, for almost every parenting decision we have ever made! Often the criticism is conflicting, like with diet-some family members think we are too rigid for limiting sweets and forbidding soda pop, some friends are appalled we let our kids eat non-organic fruit. There is no way to please everyone, and no one else is really as invested/interested in/responsible for the welfare of your own kids than you are. I am so glad that long ago, breastfeeding and standing up to or ignoring criticism of it led me to grow a strong momma backbone. Now criticism or "help' that is not helpful, particularly the uninformed kind, barely registers. Not that we do not need help or that advice is never appreciated! Far from it. If we are uncertain about something, we ask trusted ‘advisors’ for input, do research, but then still follow our instincts in the end.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

If I were you I would definately stop letting them watch the baby. If they want to spend time with your baby they can do it when you are awake and present. I wouldn't hand the baby off to them when you are sleeping or studying, expecting them to come pass him back to you when he's hungry. I wouldn't trust them... why do you keep trusting them to do that? Maybe you should put your studies on hold and focus more on your little one.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Originally Posted by @llli*happynewmom

If I were you I would definately stop letting them watch the baby. If they want to spend time with your baby they can do it when you are awake and present. I wouldn't hand the baby off to them when you are sleeping or studying, expecting them to come pass him back to you when he's hungry. I wouldn't trust them... why do you keep trusting them to do that? Maybe you should put your studies on hold and focus more on your little one.

OP, I agree that you need to set some limits so that your baby gets parented how you want (and fed enough!) But I also want to reassure you that you can be an excellent, attentive mom WHILE you study. Putting your studies on hold might be the best thing for some moms, but it sounds like continuing is important to you. That's ok. Only you can say what is right for your family.

Re: Grandparents do not understand "nursing on demand" conce

Originally Posted by @llli*auderey

OP, I agree that you need to set some limits so that your baby gets parented how you want (and fed enough!) But I also want to reassure you that you can be an excellent, attentive mom WHILE you study. Putting your studies on hold might be the best thing for some moms, but it sounds like continuing is important to you. That's ok. Only you can say what is right for your family.