Adult self-injury

People of any age can turn to self-injury, it isn’t a ‘teen thing’.

Before discussing adult self-injury, we should first clarify what the word ‘adult’ might mean. Generally it might refer to age, and for the most part this article is aimed towards people who are older in years. But ‘adult’ can also relate to responsibility, and at LifeSIGNS we are only too aware that there are many younger people who live very adult lives, and who face responsibilities and challenges far beyond their years. So whatever your age, if you consider yourself to be living an adult life, then these words are for you.

We hope by now we’ve managed to get the message across that self-injury isn’t a ‘teen thing’, and that people of all ages might rely on self-injury in order to cope. While younger and older people share many of the same challenges in life and with their self-injury, there are also different difficulties to face by people at different stages in their life.

Perceptions

Because self-injury is often perceived as something ‘young people’ do, older adults can feel that it is something they should have ‘grown out’ of. These feelings can be even more difficult when an older person has turned to self-injury for the first time, rathe than discovering self-injury in their youth.

The media

Although increasingly willing to raise awareness about self-injury, the media still focus on young people far too much. Even television programmes that include a self-injury storyline either tend to be programmes aimed at young people, or focus on a young person self-injuring. This sends out an inaccurate message, and increases feelings of isolation in older people who self-injure.

Less help

If you are older, it might feel that there are fewer organisations out there that can help you. There seems to be a lot of mental health and support related organisations that cater to people under 25; but if you’re over 25 it can be more difficult to find somewhere that you feel you ‘belong’. Often, funding for projects and support services is literally ring-fenced for the government’s or sector’s definition of ‘young people’, meaning that organisations are more likely to get funding / budgets if they develop services for young people.

Resources, funding, and the attitudes of some healthcare professionals, may make it more difficult for older people to obtain the professional help they need.

Young adults, once they hit a certain age, may find they lose vital support and resources that they had been relying on.

Friends and loved ones

Friends / loved ones of adults may be less likely to be educated surrounding the subject of self-injury, making it more difficult for an adult to bring up the subject with loved ones.

Also, whereas young people are encouraged to talk about their self-injury with parents and loved ones, adults have to consider just who they can turn to.

Responsibilities

Adults, in general, have more responsibilities than young people. Whereas young people are usually the ones who are cared for, quite often adults find that they are only ‘carers’ and are not ‘cared for’ themselves. This not only means that they may receive less support, but it also means they have a responsibility to maintain their caring roles, while attempting to also care for themselves.

When a young person finds themselves in a caring role, the burden can be even greater. They are at a time of their lives when they are supposed to be the one being cared for, and yet while their friends might be living the ‘normal’ life that young people need, they find they are forced to take on adult responsibilities. This is damaging not only because they tend to miss out on the ‘fun’ side of youth necessary for emotional balance and wellbeing, but also because they don’t yet have the life experience needed to cope with such responsibilities.

This is also true for young people who although may not have to care for others, neither are they cared for themselves. Some young people are left to fend for themselves, without the support, nurturing and guidance necessary for emotional balance, growth and wellbeing. It’s not surprising that life can feel overwhelming.

Shame and secrecy

Considering all these matters, shame and secrecy, while common in anyone who self-injures, may be even more burdensome for older people.

Time

Adults who are juggling careers / families / finances may have less time for themselves than some younger people, making it more difficult for them to engage in hobbies and activities that can enhance health and happiness and provide much needed distraction.

Similarly, young people forced to cope with adult responsibilities will not have the time they need for themselves. They may have to care for others, or they may have to juggle school with a job and household responsibilities. We don’t mean the usual responsibilities that a young person might expect, such as household chores, helping care for younger sibblings occasionally, or working to earn money for themselves. We’re talking about people who run their households, or are the sole carer for another person, or who are forced to work in order to financially support others. These people are far less likely to have the time they need to care for themselves.

The feelings of loneliness, isolation and lack of time can be even more enhanced for young people in these situations, because they are only too aware that their lives are not the norm, and that their peers are leading a far more care-free life.

Drivers

Because of their increased life experience and more complex daily lives, adults (or young people living with adult responsibilities) may have a wider range of ‘drivers’ that could lead to self-injury.

How we can help

Whatever your age or responsibilities, you are not alone. People of all ages and in all kinds of circumstances turn to self-injury in order to cope. And everyone deserves help and support.

LifeSIGNS is a fully inclusive organisation and our members range from young teenagers to older people who have retired. Our resources are written for ‘people’ who are affected by self-injury, and we offer guidance and support for everyone.

Whether you need advice for moving away from self-injury, distraction techniques, hiding scars, obtaining professional help, talking to loved ones, getting through the urge to self-injure, or just somewhere to talk about the things that are going on your life, we are here for you.

We are constantly looking to improve and increase the resources we offer to people who self-injure. So whether you’re an adult in years, or a young person living an adult life, we’d appreciate hearing from you. If you’d like to share your own personal story with our members, or if you have suggestions for ways in which we could improve our resources to help more people like you, or if you’d like to challenge or discuss any of the points raised in this article, then please do contact us.

Comments (77)

You’ve hit the nail on the head — there’s something about expressing feelings that’s integral to self-injury. Many people seek release from overwhelimg (and confusing) feelings through physical pain.

What’s going on in your life? What’s driving you to feel so bad? Could you talk to your wife about those things, and maybe talk about the cuts to your hands a bit later? While self-injury is confusing, even shocking to many people, your friends and family will want to help you if things are going wrong in your life.

on Sep 26, 2017, 9:34 am

Migs

I just cut myself. I stopped for 5 or 6 years but started again. Idk what’s wrong with me, I’d rather feel physical pain than deal with ppl bullshit empathy.

on Oct 11, 2017, 4:50 am

Erik

32 year old male here. Been cutting since I was 16 and my most recent was today. I just seem to implode instead of projecting anger at anyone. I just start getting depressed. I often need stiches for my cust. I want to stop but I don’t know how. It numbs all the other pain I feel inside. I’m afraid if I quit cutting that I’ll feel more of the pain within me!

on Oct 19, 2017, 8:49 pm

Kim

I selfharm, and Hollyoaks (Ch4) has really upset me. they are making it look like its ok to cut urself to make life better it’s not that simple.

on Oct 30, 2017, 1:29 pm

Al

I came from a dysfunctional family. I’d see my mum savagely beaten on a regular basis. Then my dad would hit and beat my brothers and I. Pornographic material was everywhere in our house. I was sexually abused from a young age, my oldest brother tried to rape me. My other brother joined in and I was abused for years. As a teenager, I was going through a mini break down. I went to a counsellor – my mum told me “it’s family business, keep it in the family”. I never got help. I self harmed in my teens and eventually stopped. As a yong adult my brother tried to rape me. I ran to my mum and told her, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. She ‘spoke’ to my brother. He told her he felt ashamed… I felt dirty and ashamed. My mum didn’t get me help, didn’t encourage me to go to the Police. Just covered up, like when my dad beat everyone. My mum and I found a recording that had been secretly made of me washing in our bathroom. I tore it to shreds. I’m an adult now, a single Mum and a carer. I’ve started to analyse my past. I self harmed yesterday and shouted at my kids. I hugged them and said sorry. They and my mum have started to support me. I’ve always been ‘the strong one’. I’m always doing everything for everyone else and feel unfulfilled. I won’t do it again. But I understand why I did it. The pain, fear and anxiety I experienced in my child hood resurfaced. I know it’s not my fault. I’m not suicidal, I guess it was a cry for help. It will take me time to recover emotionally but I will get back to me again. I don’t want to go to anyone. I wouldn’t hurt my children or my mum. I need time for me. I have to come to terms with the horrific memories, I have been coping for years with this. I will be fine.