Angry David Vitter Busts Out His Best White Guy Jive Talk

Diaperman David Vitter sent this bizarre, victimized email to our inbox explaining to the negative four people who care that he will not be able to host a Saints football game in Louisiana because of Harry Reid being a horrible tool who forces him to do his job occasionally. David Vitter is so mad he will even get out his ALL CAPS and his street talkin’, because football. Ain’t no Washington fool gonna pen in David Vitter. You feel him, prez? Whatever, that’s whack, he still knows WHO DAT.

David Vitter don’t have time fo’ this nonsense, he gots to be back in his crib. Haha, “crib.” Okay, that one would sort of make sense. David Vitter, stop talking to everyone like they are your prostitutes. [David Vitter’s Spam List]

Yep, poopypants, it's all a left-wing conspiracy to deprive you of a football-watching party. I'm sure you're the only poor soul who has to work when they'd rather be watching the game at home. The Congressional schedule is just brutal! I mean, you were only in session, what, two days this week? Perhaps we could tighten up the old budgetary belt by paying you fools an hourly rate.

V572 T-Blow

Fly in Tuesday, meet Wednesday, fly out Thursday. Brutal! Luckily they all, probably even the locals, have reserved spots within easy walking distance of the terminals at IAD and DCA. You'll recognize them when you hump your bag in from Lot W.

MissusBarry

I think Lot W is actually in my apartment complex.

http://wonkette.com/ Sharkey

Yes because football is more important than, you know, your job.

Texan_Bulldog

Well, in his defense the NFL does keep the black unemployment rate down a point or two.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

And I have heard that the NFL and some coke will get hookers all fired up.

Terry

So, has Vittor actually ever done anything during his time in Congress? Honest question.

If only Obama had agreed to give his speech yesterday… lousy democrats, they hate sports!

NorthStarSpanx

Then they'd argue he was trying to distract from those Eight Men Out (Michele can count as a Black Sox) trying to field questions one expects in a debate for us to judge whether they should occupy the White House. Does EVERY question to GOP candidates count as a "gotcha."

http://www.wonkette.com TanzbodenKoenig

So is "Saint's Game Party" what they call a diaper-wearing-hooker-fest where you literally get away with murdering the people who expose you and somehow still remain a Senator, these days?

dyedwool

WHO SHAT.

bumfug

So now what's he supposed to do with that case of Pampers?
"Dem biyotches in the DC gon' wish dey nevah fucked DIS up!"

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

Sounds like a lot of money to spend to go see your team get slapped around.

http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

Does Wonkette have a new super-secret intern named "Piyush" or is that what Vitter calls everyone he doesn't know?

PubOption

It's 'Bobby' Jindal's real name. What could he and Vitter be plotting at this party?

Barb

Oh well, looks like his wife will have to have the party on her own. Just as long as she has chips who cares if there is no dipshit there?

Sparky_McGruff

Wife? No, he's mad that he already paid the escort service.

flamingpdog

"Pens in those who would have skipped speech, like me."

If only Harry Reid would put you in a pen, like those folks that violated Dubya's "free speech zones". And I ain't talkin' about no playpen for diaper babies, mo'fo'!

Oblios_Cap

"Pen" must be jive for "Depends™".

Sue4466

Sucks to be someone who HAS a job, right Vitter? And to have to cancel your party to listen to the President talk about maybe trying to get some fucking jobs for the rest of Americans who probably care a bit more about whether they'll be able to continue feeding their kids and living indoors than whether the Saints go to the SuperBowl.

elviouslyqueer

I love this SO MUCH, Sue. Now with your permission, I'm going to copy it verbatim and post it on every. single. newspaper. website. in Louisiana.

Sue4466

Glad to help. Go'head. Every time I think about this dick whining, I get a whole new level of pissed off. And what really pisses me off is that so many fucking people think the GOP is on the side of "jus' folks" cause they fall for that bullshit Sarah Palin shtick.

Egad, this dude is still in office & yet Weiner had to go because he … what did he do again? I vaguely remember it wasn't illegal and no bodily contact was ever made and no one went to jail….totally slips my mind. Good thing Vitter is a Republican.

anniegetyerfun

Dat be family values, yo.

I THINK that that is how Vitter might put it.

Come here a minute

Senator Vitter sure is lucky that missing a football game is his biggest problem. A lot of people in the country are worried about unemployment or flooding, but I guess Louisiana is doing fine.

http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

Why isn't PoopyPants&sup2; in prison, where he belongs?

WHY?

&sup2; AKA Dave the Shitter
~

littlebigdaddy

They would never have convicted him. You know, "If it's covered in shit, you gotta acquit."

I'll be there… his wife asked me to come… and again.
Meh, it pays well and she is always very thankful…

Lucidamente1

"Saints game party at home." Vitter uses the phrase twice–is it code for something?

DaRooster

"Saints game party at homeo."
Sai, gae party homo?

fixed?

Flat_Earther

Dammit, he had some whores lined up… Oh well, another BJ in the office.

V572 T-Blow

One thing you wouldn't want to do at one of Vitter's luxury box parties at the Superdome is get between him and the herd of lobbyists angling to get close enough to suck his cock.

Limeylizzie

David Vitter can suck my big, black dick.

Oh how I wish that were true, in any way, shape or form.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

Hey!! Loan out your own equipment!

Pristine_ODummy

Oh, Lizzie! If you could arrange the victim, place, and time, I could arrange handcuffs, a ballgag, and a big black strap-on for you.

We could sell the film for MILLIONS!

EatsBabyDingos

Dave's not here, man.

Pristine_ODummy

Not after hearing that, anywho.

http://www.udargo.com MaxUdargo

I don't even know what "my Who Dat resolve" means, or references, or anything. It's gibberish to me.

Which means David Vitter is hipper than I am. Sigh.

SheriffRoscoe

Means he's a Saints fan, my nigga. Keepin' it real. And so forth.

prommie

Back in my day, you whippersnappers, when Wilbur Marshall was playing for Florida, the defense had a cheer, it went "who dat, who dat, who dat say Gator D can't jam." I presume there is some Saints variant.

DaRooster

I think it come from years, decades of losing… when they finally started to win ('cuz of Drew Brees primarily)… they wondered… "Who Dat?"

Isner_Mahut

I believe it comes from the saying "Who dat dere dat say dey can beat dem Saints?"
Which, if you think about it, explains very little.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

You lie! Wilber Marshall was conceived in the mind of Mike Ditka, and born in Soldier Field on a bright September Sunday morn!

JoshuaNorton

Maybe they should tell him there will be an execution and free snacks provided. Apparently, wingnuts will show up in droves for that kind of shit.

Callyson

Someone needs a spanking…and wasn't Harry Reid a boxer at one point? I'll pay to see the Reid – Vitter match, stat…

EatsBabyDingos

Reid was a boxer, Vitter is a panty.

Limeylizzie

I love Harry Reid for doing this, just saw that vile bastard, Joe Not an Eagle Walsh blathering on about how Hopey has diminshed the Presidency.

Pristine_ODummy

No chance of punching him in the nuts, dear girl?

Sparky_McGruff

Strangely enough, when I see Vitter write "pens in" I can't help but read it as "penis". Must be subliminal.

Pristine_ODummy

Ah, yeah, that was my thought too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/30500320@N06/ DerrickWildcat

Whoops, did I say party? I meant Town Hall meeting. Yesiree, a Town Hall meeting in my Skybox.

DaRooster

Bring your $15…

Weenus299

NFL openers and the Super Bowl should be national federal holidays.

Slim_Pickins

with no mail delivery

Jukesgrrl

Yes, because I'm sure all the people who live in refrigerator boxes want to enjoy the game on their 60-inch flat screens in peace.

prommie

You mad, bro?

AJWjr.

Jelly.

baconzgood

What the hell is WHO DAT resolve? Is it somthing you clean your upholstery with?

freakishlywrong

David Vitter cant tell you if his life Depends on it. He just hears the po' and brown folk say it and makes him seem as though he's a regular Joe. Y'know, "street".

NorthStarSpanx

I think the guy who feigned mental illness to get special needs caregivers to change his diapers as a way to get off is hotter than Vitter. And more Senatorial.

Come here a minute

Government nerd question — is this his official email or his campaign email?

Warpde

Well DAT what you get for not inviting Harry to your parta's.

EatsBabyDingos

Bet Diaperman was looking forward to the Cialis commercials.

mookwrthwilson

He's gotta get back to Louisiana…those hookers aren't going to kill themselves…

LesPaultard

Proof of party over country.

http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

From the man who invented potty over cuntry.

proudgrampa

WTF?

SexySmurf

Harry Reid is a party pooper.

Pristine_ODummy

Ah, no, that would be ShittyVitty.

Lionel[redacted]Esq

You have to understand, an NFL game is the one time that Sen. Vitter gets to see black people, other than when he orders one up from his madam.

Oblios_Cap

That Vitter – he's so whack!

mereoblivion

Guess when he doesn't get Pampered enough he starts to sound Vitter.

Bonzos_Bed_Time

He just needs some Huggies.

littlebigdaddy

Is Piyush a new jam band?

Pristine_ODummy

I wish someone would jam Piyush "Bobby" Jindal into a band. Of steel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg ProgressiveInga

Douchebag is douche-y.

DaRooster

Pass the Douche-y on the left hand side…

http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

Nice thing about being a diaper fetishist: the bon temps can roulez around in your pants for quite some time before funtime starts and "Nanny" gets to say WHO DAT!

DashboardBuddha

or WHO SCAT!?

Pristine_ODummy

No. You're just making it too easy.

Oh, all right.

Or, WHO SHAT?

SayItWithWookies

Honestly Senator — go ahead and stay the fuck home.

GlowneyHouse

Harry Reid once again attacking small business. This under-publicized "NFL" is trying to get a little media exposure to push their unknown product to the American public and Obama and the Democrats are trying to keep them down.

And Vitter deserves to be pampered…. and powdered and put down for a nap.

Pristine_ODummy

But only after his little bottom has been spanked to a bright crimson.

Allmighty_Manos

Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna change my pampers?

Mahousu

This should come as no surprise – Vitter got his start in politics at a very young age, campaigning against the assignment of homework on nights when "very special episodes" of Saved by the Bell were scheduled.

SorosBot

Shorter diaperman: it's all about me-me-me-me-me.

Instead of Harry Reid, you might want to look at the NFL, for scheduling a game on a Thursday for some reason; football is supposed to be on a Sunday, and then you'd have no problem.

mumbly_joe

Yeah, god forbid you fucking be obliged to go to fucking work instead of a fucking football party, you fucking baby. The rest of us (the ones who are lucky, at least) have to fucking show up to work too, you know.

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
The American people.

Guppy06

Vitter will be too busy creating (sex worker) jobs to attend.

Wilcoxyz

Is this the same Vitter who used to call the DC Madam during senate votes? I guess voting just isn't fun anymore.

HarryButtle

He's coming off a month-long vacation, right? He's back for 2 days, and now he wants MORE time off? To watch a fucking football game? Love to see him try that shit if he was working in the real world…"Sorry, boss, I can't make that meeting because I scheduled a football party for that day."

I still can't figure out why Vitter is pretending to be a Saints fan, when he lives in fucking Metairie, for God's sake. I mean, the only reason why Metairie even exists is because whites needed a place to live after all the filthy blacks took over NOLA.

If his duty is just too heavy a load for him to carry, then it's time for a change.

pdiddycornchips

That Piyush guy must be the top. They can't both be bottoms can they?

Limeylizzie

OT but Tamron Hall is so hot today, she has amazing shoes on.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

I always rose early back when she was doing the local morning show in Chicago.

Limeylizzie

I bet you did, that woman is so gorgeous, she has amazing skin and eyes. Just beautiful in a really aesthetic way, I could look at her all day long.

anniegetyerfun

God, he looks so fat in that photo. Was Vitter always that fat, or is his head just expanding because he's holding in his feces until he can get with a hooker again?

Barrelhse

Plyush?
Tell me more.

genxr

Who's ready for some jobs legislation football?!!

http://Wonkette.com ProudLibunatic

I call bullshit!
Piyush? Never!
Very entertaining, though.

Good one, Harry! (For once.)

DaRooster

Creating Jobs!! Someone has to cater this white bread, diaper-fest! Oh and take out the trash also… too.

http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

"Who Dat" is some kind of New Orleans/Saints Fan code, and besides, white folks and cajuns from Louisiana sound vaguely "urban" anyway, which is why God tried to destroy the general area.

AJWjr.

I cringe when I hear my younger lily-white sister from Napa say it, too. And she used to be such a genteel 9ers fan…

http://www.gurukalehuru.wordpress.com gurukalehuru

Not a serious football fan, but now….
Go Packers!

Jukesgrrl

Next Vitter thought: "And what if the Texas wildfires spread to Louisiana?!?!?! That would be a huge tragedy because the smoke might interfere with the receivers' ability to see the football. Note to self — call Ricky Perry and ask him how to stop those fires."

Damn, I used to like the Saints. Now the thought of cheering for them makes me feel skeevy.

Pat_Pending

Who dat say 'who dat' when I say 'who dat'?

Oh. Vitter. Think he means 'who shat?'

fuflans

i cannot believe this senatorial boil is still on the ass of congress.

An_Outhouse

Wish I had Fridays off like PoopyPants thinks he does.

loulouroo

Go ahead, whoremonger, skip the vote. Please? I'll be here in NOLA in the black and gold and I would rather have your moronic voice here than in Washington where you can do more damage.

owhatever

David says he's sorry, but doing his job was not part of the deal. Hookers, diapers and football … putting America back to work.

ttommyunger

I'm sorry, but I have quite a few people in and from Louisiana; there are no deep thinkers in that group; thus, continued representation by the David Vitter type. That's just the way it rolls.