tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7898124325000216412014-10-03T00:35:08.953-07:00The Peaceful School BusThe Peaceful School Bus Program is a whole-school program designed to decrease inappropriate behavior on school buses while creating a climate of respect and cooperation. The adults in school take the primary responsibility of educating and training students in the program so students can, in turn, act responsibly on school buses when staff members are not present.The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-70329068748987381822013-05-26T09:45:00.002-07:002013-05-26T09:45:22.432-07:0042See my post on the movie 42: &nbsp;<a href="http://jim-dillon.com/post/previe" target="_blank">http://jim-dillon.com/post/previe</a>The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-60805558819738616342013-05-24T08:32:00.002-07:002013-05-24T08:38:06.947-07:00MIssion ImpossibleI recently had to make a presentation entitled, "Change and Dealing with Resistance" to a group of educators who have the difficult task of working with low performing schools, i.e. schools with consistently poor standardized test scores. &nbsp;These educators are initially viewed as outsiders by the staff working at these schools. &nbsp;They are also viewed as people who are visible symbols of their "failure" because their school is not good enough. &nbsp; Needless to say these people have the very difficult charge of helping these schools get &nbsp;"better." &nbsp;To be a change agent in a situation where the people you need to change would prefer that you would go away is challenging if not almost impossible task. &nbsp;Many of these people however overcome this huge hurdle by establishing positive relationships with the staff in these schools-this is a situation where the human connection is the only option for success. &nbsp;Ironically, the bureaucratic mandate to change makes change almost impossible while the human to human connection is the only avenue of possible change. &nbsp;These people have to invest time in developing trusting relationships with the people schools so that they can shed their negative association with the fact that the school is judged as deficient. <br /><br />My challenge in presenting to these educators was to offer them something to help them become more proficient and effective in facilitating change and dealing with the inherent resistance that they face as do their jobs. &nbsp;I have never had to facilitate change in a school from the outside. &nbsp;As a principal I had the opportunity to learn with the staff and community together and didn't face the stigma of public failure hanging over our heads. &nbsp;Change is easier when it is viewed as a process of getting better rather than fixing a defect or overcoming a deficit.<br /><br />&nbsp;People who work in low performing schools can easily and understandably feel misjudged or even victimized by circumstances outside of their control. &nbsp;These schools typically are in neighbors beset with socio-economical problems that dwarf the problems that occur within schools from better neighborhoods. &nbsp;When it comes to change, these educators from the outside who have to go into these schools to help them get better, are like the Mission Impossible team. &nbsp;The question I had to ask myself was: &nbsp;what can I offer these educators? &nbsp;I have no experience doing what they are doing. &nbsp;What creditability do I have with them so that what I offer can be viewed as relevant and useful to them? &nbsp;Given the complexity of their jobs, &nbsp;they rightfully could be very critical and skeptical of any professional development offered to them. &nbsp;As they faced professionals in the schools they served to rightfully look at them and ask: "who are you to tell me what to do", they likewise could look at me and say the same thing. &nbsp;I knew this going in and spent a lot of time figuring out what I should offer them and how to frame it in a way that respected them and acknowledged the work they did.<br /><br />My challenge put my understanding of the change process to the test. &nbsp;If wanted to change how they approached change, I couldn't just say to them: here you need to change how you try to change people. I had to model the change that I proposed them. &nbsp;Most of the professional development that these people had been offered previously focused on content, i.e. different instructional methods that they needed to know so that they could "transfer" this knowledge to the schools they worked with. &nbsp;If I deviated from this approach and offered just some "theoretical" approach to change, they could dismiss me as someone wasting their time with fluff out of some book. &nbsp;Although I agree with the phrase "there is nothing as practical as a good theory", people in the field facing dire situations are usually looking for something practical.<br /><br />So how did my own mission impossible go with helping the Mission Impossible teams go? It went very well and my presentation &nbsp;received overwhelming thumbs up from group of people who rightfully could be called tough-minded critics. &nbsp; To what do I attribute my success? &nbsp;It was the "frame" that I put around the my whole presentation. &nbsp;This concept of framing is so central to all the research I had analyzed about change that I decided to be very strategic in how I set up my whole presentation. <br /><br />Here is what I did to frame my presentation the right way:<br /><br />I told a story that equated the title <i>Change and Dealing with Resistance</i> as being at the heart of what it means to be human. &nbsp;I told a story about a young child wanting a baby sibling but then after the baby arrives and cries all the time asks his mother where his sister came from. &nbsp;The mother replies. "Heaven" and the kid says "Can we send her back?". &nbsp;I added that even when we get the change that we want, we often don't like it, &nbsp;but over time that child will be happy to have a sibling. &nbsp;I tried to help the participants see that our daily struggles are at the heart of what it means to be human. &nbsp;I wanted to be upfront with them &nbsp;that the &nbsp;presentation was not another "educational" one, but one grounded in a common experience.<br /><br />I told a brief story of about myself. &nbsp;I was an active educator for 35 years and didn't have time to read until I retired. &nbsp;As I said this I brought out a bag filled with many books that I read about change. &nbsp;I exaggerated the number of books so that it looked a little like a circus clown car. &nbsp;After this visual display showing what I had read, I added that my retirement was the opportunity to do what they couldn't do and what I couldn't do when I was an active educator. &nbsp;I told them to "take advantage" of me - that in a sense I was providing a service to them.<br /><br />I also added that I deliberately stayed away from reading books in the field of education and focused instead on social psychology. &nbsp;This was to let them know that I would be coming at issues and problems from a different perspective-I was worried that this difference would turn them off so I highlighted it at the start and presented it as an advantage to them.<br /><br />I compared my presentation to a movie and the expectations that a person could have towards a movie. I used the example of my recent viewing of the Great Gatsby with my grown daughter whom I just visited in Chicago. &nbsp;I said that I had actually taught the Great Gatsby as a novel and immediately upon viewing the movie realized that it was a version that varied greatly from the book that I knew so well. &nbsp;I &nbsp;verbalized how I had a choice of sitting for the next two hours disappointed that the movie was different from what I expected or that &nbsp;I could choose to accept it for what it was. &nbsp;I explained that I chose the latter and &nbsp;it turned out to be ok. &nbsp;I suggested that my presentation to them could be like my experience of the Gatsby movie. I suggested and "gave permission" to accept a non typical presentation.<br /><br />I used the McDonald for lunch strategy that I explained in a recent blog post. &nbsp;I said that what I was offering them was not intended for them to accept but instead was an initial offer that could trigger &nbsp;even better ideas on their part. &nbsp;In as sense I invited them and embraced them as critics.<br /><br />I attribute these frames as setting the stage for allowing the participants to be open to the content of my presentation. &nbsp;In &nbsp;a way I removed the barriers that were inherent in the circumstances that brought them to the presentation. &nbsp;Ironically, I practiced avoiding the FAE (fundamental attribution error) that was part of my presentation. &nbsp;Instead of viewing these participants as hard people to please, I saw that their previous critical responses to presentations were not because of who they were but because of the circumstances of the work they did. &nbsp;My framing of the presentation addressed their mindsets and addressed the factors that affected how they saw any material presented to them. &nbsp;Coincidentally the FAE part of my presentation was the part that resonated the most with many of them. I guess that even though it might be very challenging (a mission impossible) it really always pays in the long run to practice what you preach.<br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-41285578049136986682013-05-21T08:05:00.000-07:002013-05-21T08:05:11.966-07:00The Common Core or the common coreI am sixty one years and I am still in the process of understanding who am I and what my role in the world is.&nbsp; That is a good thing.&nbsp;Those who say that they have it all figured out are fooling themselves or have packed it in.&nbsp; To be alive means to be learning and learning means finding out about yourself and the world you live in.&nbsp; Can there be anything more relevant or meaningful?&nbsp; We are all learning what it means to be human and how to relate to each other.&nbsp; We should be an endless source of interest, wonder,curiosity&nbsp;to ourselves and others.&nbsp; The research has borne this out-those who stay engaged mentally, physically and socially live longer and have a better quality of life than people who sit back thinking they have it all figured out.&nbsp; This doesn't mean that someone should become self absorbed thinking about oneself all the time.&nbsp; Quite the opposite, we learn about ourselves by interacting with others.&nbsp; We learn about others when we are able to empathize with them and discover what we have in common and how we differ.&nbsp; <br /><br />It is a great experience to discover something in common with someone who initially seemed so different.&nbsp; Likewise we benefit from the differences we discover in people with whom we share many commonalities.&nbsp;&nbsp; Our social relationships shape our identity-it is through them that we reveal to ourselves who we are and that process never ends or at least should never end.&nbsp; We are "works in progress" always incomplete in the process of becoming whole.&nbsp; As soon as we decide that we are "finished products" we are more likely to think of other people as "finished products" and consequently we make up our minds about ourselves and them. (Our minds were not made to be made up.)&nbsp; <br /><br />The reseach of Carol Dweck and David Yeager exploring people's perception of themselves and others has empirically shown how essential this basic perception is to all that we do or say and to all learning.&nbsp; When we view ourselves as "works in progress" can let ourselves learn without judging ourselves as lacking.&nbsp; We can admit to being wrong and not condemn ourselves but rather chalk it up as part of the learning process.&nbsp; When we believe that same thing about other people, it changes how we interact with them and how they in turn interact with us.&nbsp; "Works in progress" makes it a lot harder to separate people into groups or categories.&nbsp; It allows us to separate behavior from identity-the <em>person</em> from the <em>act.</em><br /><br />If someone like myself is still learning about who I am, what about young people?&nbsp; They are in the midst of not only discovering who they are but are struggling to get the <em>words</em> right, to get a handle on what exactly is going on with them.&nbsp; Think of great works of literature like <strong><em>Hamlet</em></strong> or <strong><em>The Great Gatsby </em></strong>and you will find at the core of these stories, &nbsp;characters in the process of discovering who they are and what their role is in the world.&nbsp; Works like that endure because they tap into something timeless and universal-the human experience.&nbsp; We are drawn to these stories because we identify with these characters and we hope that by seeing what they do we might get a better understanding of who we are and what we should do. <br />&nbsp; <br />What does all of this have to do with bullying prevention?&nbsp; Everything.&nbsp; Bullying prevention is really about how we treat one another.&nbsp; It is all about social interactions and people figuring out who they are in relation to others.&nbsp; When people make up their minds about someone and put a<em> fixed</em> label on the person, it is easier to either bully that person or ignore that person being bullied.&nbsp; It is easier to distance ourselves from people who in our minds are "finished products" - not capable of changing.&nbsp; This distancing allows us to cut ourselves off from the process of learning anything new about the person and discovering what we have in common with that person.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Research has shown&nbsp;that the biggest barrier for bystanders to intervene or report bullying is the perception of difference in others.&nbsp; <br /><br />I am not an expert on the Common Core standards and I have reservations about them as the solution to our problems of education.&nbsp; Putting that issue aside, I suggest that perhaps a better approach would be to look at the common core without the capitals.&nbsp; What is&nbsp;our common&nbsp;core?&nbsp; What are we about? Who are we?&nbsp;How do we live in the world and relate to each other?&nbsp;&nbsp;These are not easy questions&nbsp;and the thinking that they prompt&nbsp;makes us go deeper.&nbsp;&nbsp;Every subject matter ultimately probes these questions albeit in different ways.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;very nature of learning should bring people together in common pursuit of these&nbsp;never ending questions.&nbsp;<br /><br />Why not truly connect students to each other in learning about each other and themselves?&nbsp;&nbsp;Why not have them read the rich and&nbsp;exciting&nbsp;social psychology on why people do what they do?&nbsp; Why not have them explore issues related to bystander behavior?&nbsp; Why not learn about mindsets and fixed mindsets versus growth mindsets?&nbsp; Why not explore what it means to be&nbsp;human?&nbsp; Would students be bored?&nbsp;Quite the opposite - they are hungry to discover who they are.&nbsp; They need&nbsp;to understand what is going on inside their hearts and minds and the hearts and minds of others.&nbsp; Bullying prevention (how we treat each other) is all about the common core of what it means to be human.&nbsp;&nbsp;By turning it into a program or another issue/problem on a&nbsp;long list, we miss a tremendous opportunity to connect students not just to the core of learning but to the core of what it means to be human.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;They want us to educate them meaning to guide them in discovering who they are and what is at their core.The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-65285644853631990062013-05-20T14:27:00.000-07:002013-05-20T14:27:03.659-07:00McDonald's For LunchMichael Fullan says that effective leaders rely less on a strategy and more on being strategic. &nbsp;Strategy is &nbsp;usually a program or a plan that people need to follow in order to achieve the desired change. &nbsp;There are many reasons why this approach fails:<br /><br /><br /><ul><li>It is a one size fits all and every school is unique with a different set of strengths and a different culture.</li><li>It can imply that what happened or is happening is somehow deficient. &nbsp;It can be veiled criticism implying blame.</li><li>It usually does the thinking for people who like to think of themselves as good thinkers.</li><li>It comes ready made and people like to being involved in the making of things.</li><li>It becomes an easy target for people to block or passively resist.</li><li>It is usually a solution to a problem and not connected to reaching for a goal or principle.</li></ul><div>Being strategic means taking into the account the change process and recognizing why people are often resistant to change. &nbsp;It means looking at what is already working in a school and the strengths that are unique to that school and then finding a way to build on the positive. &nbsp;It means tying all proposed changes to the core mission of the school, tapping into the original moral purpose of people. &nbsp;It means letting the people involved with the change be active in determining the plan of action. &nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>One of the hardest things a leader has to do is leading without controlling. &nbsp;Too often people in leadership positions think that because they are the leaders &nbsp;they are in charge and that they know more than the people they lead. &nbsp;Leaders don't know more but they have the responsibility to tap into and mobilize the collected knowledge and skills of the people they lead. &nbsp;To do this they need to be strategic: knowing what will connect with the hearts and minds of the people they lead and creating the right conditions for people to work together to shape the type of school they want and need to have. &nbsp;</div><div><br /></div><div>Here is an example of being strategic: proposing McDonald's for lunch. &nbsp;This might sound strange but my son shared an article he read about change and it mentioned this phenomenon. &nbsp;Imagine a group of people sitting around trying to determine where they should go for lunch. &nbsp;No one wants to step forward and make a suggestion for fear of being shot down, criticized or thought of as being too assertive. &nbsp;Someone throws out the idea of going to McDonald's. &nbsp;Suddenly the silent group become united in saying that McDonald's wasn't the greatest idea. &nbsp;People go from being out on a limb (vulnerable) to being in a one up position of coming up with an idea that might not be the greatest but at least it is greater than the McDonald's idea. &nbsp;After a while several people throw out ideas and finally the best one emerges very often without one person being able to claim credit. &nbsp;The group just needed to get kick started and once the process got going the best solution emerged from the discussion.</div><div><br /></div><div>Whoever threw out the McDonald's idea needed to be pretty secure. &nbsp;The person who threw out that idea was being strategic. &nbsp;The person knew the group probably had some good ideas but were reluctant to go first and risk criticism. &nbsp;A good leader is not concerned with getting credit. I doubt people would point to the person who suggested McDonald's as being the one who ultimately was responsible to going to a good place for lunch. &nbsp;That person was a leader who sacrificed his/her ego for the greater good.</div><div><br /></div><div>A good leader knows what conditions are needed for people to become leaders themselves. &nbsp;A good leader has a great deal of trust in the people in the organization. &nbsp;A good leader gets the ball rolling in the right direction and believes that ultimately change must be owned by the people who need to change.&nbsp;</div><div>&nbsp;</div><div>Don't forget that the people there already were hungry and lunch was a common goal for all of them. &nbsp;If a leader suggested McDonald's for lunch and it wasn't lunch time and no one was hungry the whole idea wouldn't work. &nbsp;A leader has to "read" the group and determine what they are ready to hear and know what their needs are. &nbsp;Trying to convince people to eat when they aren't hungry just doesn't work-never has and never will. &nbsp;I wish our policy makers at least knew that little piece of common sense when it came to getting people to change.</div>The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-31081365340888604312013-05-18T08:55:00.001-07:002013-05-18T08:55:47.226-07:00Suspending SuspensionsI just read a news article about the LA School District ending its policy for suspending defiant students. I don't know how far this policy extended or if teachers and principals were previously told that suspension was required if a student was defiant. &nbsp;Did this mean that if &nbsp;students refused to do anything that they risked being suspended? <br /><br />This reminded me of one of the saddest moments I had as a principal. &nbsp;There was this first grade student &nbsp;who had transferred to our school having spent the previous year in kindergarten in a different school. His family was pretty transient and he ended up only spending one year at our school. &nbsp;When we reviewed his records from kindergarten, it turned out that he was suspended 5-6 times during that previous school year. &nbsp;If this boy had any problem, it was that he was rambunctious. &nbsp;I didn't consider rambunctious a problem-it was sort came with the territory of being a young boy. &nbsp;I considered it our job as educators to make schools work for all students especially kids who were just learning how to "go to school". &nbsp;If you stop and think about it (a lot of adults don't do this) it is not easy to walk into a new environment with a lot of other kids of all different backgrounds, temperaments, personalities along with all the adults that you have to figure out and expect kids to adjust to all the expectations and demands placed on them. &nbsp;It is amazing that most kids make this adjustment so easily. &nbsp;Just think of how long it takes us adults to adjust to new situations.<br /><br />The kids who have trouble adjusting often have backgrounds where there have been issues related to trusting adults. &nbsp;Many kids from these backgrounds might lack stable father figures if they have them at all. &nbsp;Many kids might have had a series of adults and learned to not to depend on them. &nbsp;In fact I learned early on as an educator, that many kids had to learn how to function at too early an age on their own without having to depend on undependable adults. &nbsp;These were survival skills for many of kids. &nbsp;In addition to being rambunctious (I enjoy kids who are rambunctious) this particular boy had learned not to automatically do what he was told. &nbsp;It wasn't because he wanted to defy adults it was more that he always didn't see the reason why he should drop what interested him just because some adult decided he should stop doing what he was doing.<br /><br />He had a terrific first grade teacher and &nbsp;I worked with her very closely on making sure this boy would experience school as a place where he belonged and could succeed. &nbsp;We decided that we both needed to invest a little more time one to one with this boy to develop &nbsp;a positive relationship with him. &nbsp;We both realized that he needed this extra one to one time to trust the key adults in his life-he couldn't just get it from being one kid in a class of twenty. &nbsp;This extra investment worked. &nbsp;The teacher maybe gave up one or two of her lunchtimes to invite him to eat with her in the classroom just to talk together. &nbsp;I invited him to eat lunch with me. &nbsp;She had him help her put up some bulletin boards. &nbsp;We also coached him to ask for breaks if he had trouble attending for too long. &nbsp;All in all we made adjustments and he responded positively. &nbsp;Did he become a student who immediately did what he was told the first time every time? No. &nbsp;We realized it would take some time and he continually improved not just his behavior but his academic skills. &nbsp;We discovered that one of the reasons why he didn't always respond to teacher directions was because we was very afraid of failing especially at reading. &nbsp;He made sure he got special support in language arts and our main intervention was helping his feel safe to try out new skills.<br /><br />All in all school became a safe place he could trust and his growth in one year was significant. &nbsp;His mother saw his success and did what she could to stay in our school area for the whole year, but come the end of the year, she had to move away to a new area. &nbsp;On the last day of school, this boy knew that he was moving and leaving this place <i>where he didn't get suspended 6 times.</i> &nbsp;Our school was a place where he succeeded and people helped him learn-a school where there was no doubt he belonged. &nbsp;His previous experience in kindergarten had taught him that if he didn't what he was told that he couldn't stay in the school (that was how he understood suspension-I am sure.)<br /><br />On the last day of school, his last day with us, on the way out the door, he bolted from his class and ran into my office as I was getting ready to say goodbye to the kids for the summer. &nbsp;He caught me and locked his arms around me as tears were falling down his face and said to me, "I am going to miss this place." That was all he could say but he knew that he would be going to another school where he probably wouldn't belong, where he had to do what he was told or else. I worried a lot about him and &nbsp; don't know to &nbsp;this day what happened to him. &nbsp;I wished that he could have stayed with us for the rest of his time.<br /><br />&nbsp;I don't think it is too hard or too much to ask of our schools to make them place where kids belong, feel accepted no matter what they do and get the help and support they need to succeed. &nbsp;I have never met a kid who didn't want to belong or succeed, &nbsp;but they &nbsp;are not able to articulate those thoughts and feelings. &nbsp;Too many educators forget that and only see compliance or defiance. &nbsp;Those two responses are such a very small piece of their stories. <br /><br />I am glad LA is suspending their suspensions but I hope that they replace that approach with one that helps kids belong, feel safe and accepted for who they are as people.<br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-8977179829128671972013-05-16T09:34:00.000-07:002013-05-16T09:34:19.012-07:00Everywhere?I was sitting in a Starbucks yesterday and happened to have my book, No Place for Bullying, lying on the table. &nbsp;While I was in a conversation with someone, a woman stopped and &nbsp;stared intently at the title. &nbsp;Forgetting she didn't know that I was the author, I asked her why she was interested in it. &nbsp;She said she was a retired teacher but now volunteered in an assisted living home for seniors. &nbsp;I remembered that I probably should tell her that I happened to be the author of the book, so I did. &nbsp;Since I became an expert now in her eyes, she asked me if I thought bullying was more of an American thing or was it multi-cultural. &nbsp;She also informed that me that bullying was an issue with the seniors she worked with. &nbsp;She also shared that as a teacher she worked in an inner city school with students from lower socio-economic backgrounds and she thought there was a minimal amount of bullying, while later in her career she taught a more middle class group of students and definitely there was definitely more. &nbsp;I told her that those were good questions and observations that I would have to think about. &nbsp;She said that she would look up my book on Amazon and that it was an easy title to remember.<br /><br />Her questions about the cultural dimensions of bullying reminded me of an insight I heard James Garbarino make about the difference between suburban schools and inner city schools. &nbsp;He said that there was less bullying in inner city schools because the social world and stratification was not of primary importance to kids, what was important was where you stood on the street not the school. &nbsp;This was why gangs were prominent-they offered people a group to belong to and protection. &nbsp;There was no need to bully for social status, the gang culture provided the means for gaining status. &nbsp;In suburban schools, the social world of the school extends outside of the school so that what happens in school socially is of upmost importance. &nbsp;In both cases however you have instances of kids having &nbsp;to establish their own social structure without adults playing a role. &nbsp;Perhaps a better way to say it is that adults in either case haven't figured out a way to connect with kids in way that doesn't try to control them. <br /><br />If we want to look for situations where bullying isn't as prominent we should look to positive deviance examples-situations where something worked well. &nbsp;I think that if you examine those cases where adults connect well with kids, you don't have to look any further than extra curriculum activities. &nbsp;I recall a great documentary called Bad Times at Frederick Douglas High. &nbsp;In the documentary recorded over a year's time at a high school in Baltimore you could witness firsthand examples of positive deviance in the midst of dysfunction. &nbsp;While what happened in the classroom bordered &nbsp;disaster, what happened in extra curriculum activities was inspiring. &nbsp;They had a broadcast studio and a drama club that worked together to make various productions and they had an amazing debate team. &nbsp;Their marching band was great. &nbsp;In each of these extra's there were no motivation issues, no attendance issues and a great sense of community. &nbsp;I wondered after watching it, why they wouldn't suspend normal operations and just have the entire school become a menu of extra curriculum activities.<br /><br />What did the extra's have that the regular school didn't have? &nbsp;The clubs and after school &nbsp;activities were meaningful and purposeful and kids chose to be there. &nbsp;The adults had high standards and demanded a lot from the students but the kids didn't feel controlled or manipulated-they felt supported and coached. &nbsp;Most of all they all belonged, they all felt needed and important. &nbsp;I highly doubt that there was any bullying in those clubs and activities. &nbsp;There was conflict, struggle and many other emotions but the power structure that existed wasn't compatible with bullying. <br /><br />We can't equate bullying with all human difficulty and struggle. &nbsp;Bullying doest happen but it usually happens when there is a leadership vacuum or where the leadership dominates and almost forces people to create they own ways of meeting their need for autonomy, belonging and competence. &nbsp; The answer to the problem of bullying isn't a secret-it rests in the experiences we all have had-times when we felt in control of our lives but had some structure organizing us to help, but not to control; when we felt connected and belonged regardless of how we performed and when we felt we were improving without being penalized for the mistakes we made in the process of getting better. &nbsp;Is bullying everywhere? I still don't know. &nbsp;I do know that we don't have to look very far to find situations where people don't have the need to bully-and they are everywhere.The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-82463323318890482502013-05-14T07:39:00.001-07:002013-05-14T07:39:48.099-07:00Consider the SourceI recently wrote a letter to a 19 year old girl I know who has gotten herself into a quite a bit of trouble.&nbsp; She has made a lot of mistakes and has suffered some significant consequences as a result of her actions.&nbsp; I didn't say much in my letter.&nbsp; I shared with her what I was doing and some of the writing I had done.&nbsp; When she was younger before her teenage years, she had shown an interest in writing and I had given her a book on keeping a writer's notebook.&nbsp; She also used to write very imaginative stories that I enjoyed.&nbsp; Needless to say, writing has not been a recent activity of hers and school in general was not a positive experience especially in her last few years in high school.&nbsp; <br /><br />The other day I received some feedback on my letter.&nbsp; I didn't speak to her but her mother commented that her daughter had referred to my letter as fabulous.&nbsp; I didn't really understand how she could describe a rather simple relatively short letter as "fabulous" until she added that her daughter had said that it was the first letter she had received that "didn't tell her what to do."&nbsp; Ironically, there was a lot I wanted to tell her to do and not do, but figured she had heard it all before.&nbsp; Instead I tried to ignore her troubled situation and simply shared what I was doing and connected it to something she used to do.&nbsp; I wanted her to start to see herself differently and figured that at some point she could turn her current circumstances into a lot of good material to write about.&nbsp; I felt she needed to see beyond her current situation and see herself not someone who messed up but as someone who still had great things to do.&nbsp; I was appealing to her Superman not her Clark Kent.&nbsp; By doing that I was trying to open up some lifelines into her world and to do I had to be someone who wasn't judging her, criticizing her and most of all not someone trying to control her.&nbsp; (I might add that I am not criticizing those who did tell her what to do.&nbsp; If she were my daughter I doubt I could restrain myself from doing the same. In my case I could maintain some emotional perspective and translate my concern a different way.&nbsp; It is not easy to do and harder the closer you are to the person.)<br /><br />This the great paradox we face especially with adolescents: the more we try to help or steer them on the right path, the less influence or credibility we have with them.&nbsp; The need to be independent and define oneself apart from adult authority can drive some kids into doing the exact opposite what most adults would consider good sense.&nbsp; Deci in <strong><em>Why We Do What We Do </em></strong>said that whenever we try to control or manipulate anyone (instead of influence) two things happen they either conform or defy, but that even the immediate conformity only plants the seeds of later defiance.&nbsp; What is the dividing line of control and influence-it can be a fine line, but still a line: the motive for the person in the one-up person.&nbsp; Does that person want the other person to be their authentic self&nbsp;and support them in the process of discovering who they are&nbsp;or do they want that person to do want they want them to do?&nbsp; If adults don't stop and ask themselves that question and then adjust how they interact, it is doubtful that kids will see a distinction.<br /><br />All our efforts to help will be seen as efforts to control or worse as efforts to define the person we have authority over.&nbsp; Deci has done empirical research demonstrating how sensitive a&nbsp;person is to this basic perception and how it colors the content of the help being offered.&nbsp; If the help offered is seen as a a disguised attempt to control and manipulate another it is likely to be rejected or accepted as a way to gain approval or advantage with the person in authority.&nbsp; If the help is offered in a non controlling, non manipulating way, meaning freely and genuinely offered, &nbsp;respecting the recepient, than it is more likely to be considered on its merits.&nbsp; Kids truly consider the source and the motivation behind the help.&nbsp; They are in many ways very dependent upon us to carefully consider the most effective way to open up a life line with them- a line of communication where they can listen to what we have to offer.&nbsp; If there are strings attached to our message no matter how great it might be, it will be rejected because of where it is coming from-its source.&nbsp; If our kids are so sensitive is considering the source of whatever message they hear, we need to stop and look inwardly to consider what our source really is and what our motives are when we send out our messages.&nbsp; This is not easy thing to do but that doesn't mean it isn't essential for getting through to some kids who need life lines from us.&nbsp; Sometimes we can do something "fabulous" by just sharing rather than telling. <br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-18419132280040723792013-05-13T13:41:00.002-07:002013-05-13T14:47:55.223-07:00Pick a Metaphor: Change the WorldIn a classic book entitled, <em><strong>Metaphors We Live By,</strong></em> by George Lakoff and Mark Johnson,the authors&nbsp;state that&nbsp;metaphor is the fundamental mechanism of our mind, that allows us to use what we know about our physical and social experiences to provide an&nbsp;understanding of countless other subjects&nbsp;and other experiences. The authors claim that&nbsp;metaphors shape our perceptions and actions without us noticing them.&nbsp; Another important concept in social psychology, the fundamental attribution error, the inclination to attribute a problem to a person rather than the situation for circumstance, creates&nbsp;two major metaphors for how we approach all of our social problems.&nbsp;When we make the&nbsp;fundamental error&nbsp; people&nbsp; are viewed as <em>finished products</em> and if we avoid making this error&nbsp; people are viewed&nbsp;as <em>works in progress.</em>&nbsp; This is a vital and essential distinction that all educators must reflect upon and then&nbsp;ourthemselves: which metaphor shapes my view of world.&nbsp; Our traditional educational practices follow the finished product metaphor.&nbsp; <br /><br />Think about it.&nbsp; A finished product is done and is designed to be judged against other finished products.&nbsp; When an artist or craftsperson determines that the product is complete, it is ready to go into the world and then critics or consumers judge it, rate it and place on value on it.&nbsp; The great works last; the not so great fall by the wayside.&nbsp; If a finished product has a flaw or defect it may not even make to the public-it is thrown out.&nbsp; When we look at finished products we don't see all of the drafts, prototypes, the start-overs, the mistakes along the way that lead to the finished products.&nbsp; It is like the consummate professional or artist who is ready to perform in front of the public and be judged.&nbsp;&nbsp; A pianist, a great athletic determines when he/she is ready to step out into the world and make themselves vulnerable to criticism and judgment.&nbsp; Here again we don't see the 10000 hours rule (Gladwell talks about in the book, <em>Outliers</em>)-we don't hear the missed notes, the missed foul shots the mistake after mistake that happens along the way preparing the skills demonstrated in a performance.<br /><br />In the past few years I spent writing, &nbsp;I have discovered the endless process of rewriting is really what writing is all about.&nbsp; I cannot write a polished piece right off the bat-no one can or should.&nbsp; Thankfully there are no penalties or punishments for mistakes.&nbsp; Mistake is not even a good word for what the process really is.&nbsp; Mistake are still considered wrong or has a <em>shouldn't</em> attached to it.&nbsp; In writing, there are no mistakes just attempts and refinements.&nbsp; Once the connotations of mistakes are removed from the equation, the whole process is challenging yet is it an&nbsp;enjoyable and engaging challenge.&nbsp; <br /><br />The works in progress metaphor goes hand in hand with creativity-something new and different emerges from the process of improving what you started with.&nbsp; The creative process is hard and demanding but it is one that people who experience it keep going back for because there is something there that provides meaning and fulfillment.<br /><br />Teaching and learning should always be about <em>works in progress</em> and <em>not finished products</em>.&nbsp; Human beings are works in progress and never finished products.&nbsp; The great thing I liked about teaching was&nbsp;how much I learned from doing it and then getting the chance to go back the next day and try again.&nbsp; Nothing felt better than when I took a mistake (not the best word to use ) and then figured out how it missed the mark, made some adjustments and then got a little closer to hitting the mark I set out to hit.&nbsp; This is almost blasphemous to admit in our culture of accountability and data but teaching was actually a lot of fun and I always felt that the more fun I had and the more creative I was the better the&nbsp;teaching was.&nbsp; Now with APPR and data, teaching seems a lot more like a root canal process-a painful experience designed to make someone better who had a problem in their mouth.&nbsp; You have to do it the right way and fix the problem.<br /><br />Since this piece is filled with metaphors here is another: teaching and learning in schools are a lot more like recitals than they are karaoke.&nbsp; Sadly, if music only existed in the form of recitals with everyone sitting in the audience hoping and praying for a minimum number or zero mistakes, music might likely die a slow death at least for the people who had to perform.&nbsp; Compare a recital to karaoke: &nbsp;karaoke at least gives people a chance to experience performing in a warm and friendly environment, mistakes are part of the fun, it is easy to do with another and it makes everyone feel good.&nbsp; Schools should at least allow some time for karaoke experiences-this may help people discover that learning is not a lifeless task that&nbsp; exists for performance and judgment.&nbsp; Sometimes I think that schools are giving a bad name to learning and I hope that it doesn't cause it to die a slow death.&nbsp; Dare&nbsp;I say it-learning can be fun-but it depends upon your metaphor, I guess.<br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-26052909006081683212013-05-11T11:09:00.000-07:002013-05-11T11:12:21.070-07:00Not in our stars but in ourselvesI have been reading quite a bit about change and how to influence change. &nbsp;Just about every book on it mentions the fundamental attribution error-the inclination we have to attribute problems to the person and not the situation or context. &nbsp;Successful leaders avoid this error. &nbsp;They assume the best in people even when people are not showing their best. &nbsp;Somehow they sense what is keeping people from being their best (their Superman identity) and remove those circumstance and allow the best to come out. &nbsp;By believing that everyone has something inside that wants to do great and good things, people are much more likely to come around and start to act that way. &nbsp;A positive aspirational message is much more effective than one that assumes that people are one step away from doing something bad or unwanted. &nbsp;The fundamental attribution error however has been institutionalized in most of our laws and policies. <br /><br />Individuals are held accountable for their actions. &nbsp;Law enforcement doesn't care about why someone did something or the circumstances behind their actions. &nbsp;Law enforcement is there to make sure the negative or the transgression doesn't happen-it is not concerned with helping people learn not to do the bad thing. &nbsp;Laws are there to draw limits around what can and can't happen and are designed for the exceptional situation. Good laws are ones that most people already follow and reflect the actions most people would do even if there were no laws prohibiting those actions. <br /><br />An activity I put into my book is designed to get educators to think a little more about laws, policies and their role in facilitating change. &nbsp;Here it is: ask yourself what law would you break if there was no law prohibiting that action. &nbsp;Would you steal? Would you murder? Would you drive drunk? Most people not all but most people wouldn't break those laws because of their own moral code. &nbsp;Think about the laws and limits that most people do break-traffic violations. &nbsp;These violations are usually because of thoughtlessness -"I forgot to stop at the stop sign." &nbsp;Going over the speed limit is something people do regularly because they don't see it doing any harm. &nbsp;Most people exceed it on the highways that are distant from residential neighborhoods. &nbsp;Law enforcement even cuts people slack and don't stop people who are only going a few miles over the limit. Speed limits are more like a guidelines rather than a strict laws. &nbsp;Laws are useful but limited in influencing behavior-they are better at containing or restraining it. &nbsp;In a way it is ok if they are designed without avoiding the fundamental attribution error as long as they stay in a limited role.<br /><br />When laws and policies are depended upon to dramatically change behavior especially when they try to stop things that most people already do, they usually fail. &nbsp;Ultimately even something like seat belt use is more dependent upon people seeing its benefits and developing the habit of using them automatically without thinking. &nbsp;Most people don't snap their seat belts into place consciously thinking,"I better do this because I don't want to get a ticket."<br /><br />When you really look at how people change it is usually because of the circumstances, environment, the people around them,and the situation that they are in. &nbsp;People adapt their behavior to their environment almost without thinking. &nbsp;Most people behave differently in a fast food restaurant than they would in place of fine dining. &nbsp;People litter at ball parks but not at another person's house. &nbsp;These changes occur without rules or signs being posted in those places. &nbsp;Signs can help if it is an environment where the cues are not so clear.<br /><br />In spite of all the research on human behavior and change, schools continue to make the fundamental attribution error in how they manage students. &nbsp;Rewards and consequences convey that kids make conscious choices about how they act. &nbsp;Most kids who get rewards in school for behaving would act that way even without getting the reward. &nbsp;The kids who don't get the reward and break the rule are probably doing so more because they are lacking some social skill or are acting impulsively -it has more to do with their developmental needs than their will. <br /><br />Read a book like <i><b>Thinking Fast and Thinking Slow</b></i> by Daniel Kahnman you will read about research findings that show how suggestible people are by things in their environment that they are not even consciously aware of. &nbsp;It seems when you read this research it is pretty clear that we are all somehow interconnected to each other and our environment. &nbsp;In spite of all of this research "proving" our interconnectivity we cling to the idea of individual decisions people made as being the real source of human behavior. <br /><br />These reflections reminded me of my college Shakespeare teacher who had a very different interpretation of him than most scholars and the general public. &nbsp;He viewed Shakespeare as someone who believed in the spiritual nature of life and saw the growing trend to very everything materialistically as misguided. &nbsp;My teacher thought that this was a constant theme in all of Shakespeare's work. &nbsp;Famous lines &nbsp;like to "thine own self be true" that most people today interpret positively, he would claim were statements for characters who represented the material rather than the spiritual. &nbsp;"To thine own self be true" was something Shakespeare disagreed with. &nbsp;Shakespeare thought people should to be truthful to others and hiding the truth was just a clever strategy to get ahead in the world. &nbsp;Likewise the line the "fault lies not in our stars but in ourselves" was not something Shakespeare agreed with. &nbsp;Shakespeare believed in the spiritual world and how everything included the alignment of the stars really affected how people acted. &nbsp;Those who were in tune with the spirit and connected to others did the moral thing while those who just focused on their own individual self often made immoral decisions-what would be best for themselves not others. <br /><br />After reading about the scientific research showing how interconnected we are and how our thoughts and actions are so influenced by so many things we can see or hear, maybe if you interpret <b>stars</b> to meant circumstance, environment, the interconnectivity of people with their environment, I think my college Shakespeare teacher was right and that Shakespeare discovered the fundamental attribution error a long long time ago-there is a lot to be said for looking to the wisdom of the ages for the truth.<br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-47748575856270392692013-05-09T07:51:00.000-07:002013-05-09T07:51:49.381-07:00Superman or Clark Kent?Most people have secret identities or should have them.&nbsp; By secret identity I mean a part of ourselves that others don't readily see but lies within us.&nbsp; This secret identity resides in our hopes and dreams; it is who we want to be at our best using all of our skills and abilities doing something great and worthwhile.&nbsp; In the previous post I mentioned how in advertising sex and fear sells, &nbsp;but if you also look closely&nbsp;at advertising, &nbsp;appealing to people's secret identities-their view of themselves as great and empowered, also sells.&nbsp; Think of the Audi ad about a teenager going to the prom alone who builds up enought courage to park in the principal's space and marches up to the prom queen and kisses her, is attacked by the queen's date but rides off in the Audi with a smile on his face even though he has a black eye. This ad is saying the underdog can be the topdog if only for a moment and Audi can give the underdog the courage to do daring things.&nbsp; <br /><br />This secret identity is an important part of growing up because hopes and dreams should be a big part of becoming an adult.&nbsp;&nbsp; It is a little tricky&nbsp;for adolescents because they also have to confront the hopes and dreams placed upon them by others.&nbsp; Sometimes the hopes and dreams of others don't match their own and they become torn between both sets of them.&nbsp; Kids are also looking to adults to say go ahead and make your secret identity your real identity.&nbsp; They are looking and hoping for adults to affirm that they can be great and do great things-make their dreams a reality.&nbsp; Ideally adults will do that but also guide them in the practical reality of what they must do to make their dreams a reality.&nbsp; <br /><br />Identity is the central issue for most students. Eric Erickson said that the&nbsp;primary task of adolescence is figuring out who you are.&nbsp; Many educators unfortunately forget about this or never know it.&nbsp; Educators whether they know it or not are constantly sending messages to kids about who they are.&nbsp; People in power or authority have a responsibility to be very conscious of how they use their power.&nbsp; There is a great temptation to use power to get people to be&nbsp;the way that they want them to be, i.e. people who do what they are told.&nbsp; This makes life for those in power a lot easier.&nbsp; People in power can be leery of people's secret identity especially if that identity challenges their power and possibly lessens their control.&nbsp; <br /><br />Educators ideally shouldn't be primarily people who use power over others.&nbsp; Educators should be people who help students figure out who they are.&nbsp; They therefore need to be very careful and circumspect about what they say or do in order not to inadvertently stifle or repress students' hopes and dreams.&nbsp; This is why when schools become too bureaucratic and focused on order and efficiency, &nbsp;kids can get the wrong message about who they are supposed to be.&nbsp; Since even the most repressive order cannot keep kids from addressing identity issues, kids will seek out this identity cut off from adult guidance and wisdom.&nbsp; The secret identity stays secret because it is never nurtured or supported enough to become public, the real identity of the person.&nbsp;Kids need to feel powerful and in control of their&nbsp;own lives and they need to learn how to harness the power that they do have. &nbsp;(This is why techno-panic is so potentially harmful because the internet has become a place where kids can "play" with their identities away from the direct control of adults.&nbsp; If adults discredit this part of their life or fill it with fear, kids will just push the adult world even farther away.)<br /><br />This is why it is so important to reframe bullying prevention for kids.&nbsp; As long as bullying is just something that they shouldn't do or being a responsible bystander is just something adults tell them they should do, kids will push away from this message and from the adults who send it.&nbsp; Kids resist being identified by a negative-being told what not to do and viewed as being a step away from doing it.&nbsp;In fact they resist being defined passively as&nbsp;merely as followers of someone else agenda.&nbsp; They want to discover who they are by doing-doing something meaningful and purposeful-something great.&nbsp; They truly want adults to treat them as Superman not Clark Kent.&nbsp; They want adults to say to them, "We need you, we want you, you&nbsp;have something Iwe don't have, our world <strong>needs</strong> you to be a part of it- important part of it."&nbsp; The irony of that is its truth.&nbsp; Adults do need kids to be their better selves, &nbsp;to be involved and part of the process of change.&nbsp;Adults and kids need to be co-creators, partners&nbsp;not merely in stopping a negative but partners in making the world a better place-a noble or heroic task.&nbsp; If adults reject the notion that&nbsp;making the world a better place is too "idealistic" and&nbsp;replace it with a fear driven "realistic" one, they will truly be letting kids down. &nbsp;The adult&nbsp; world and student world can't be merged into one (there is a need to be separate) but they can&nbsp; and should work together in mutual respect.&nbsp;&nbsp;The&nbsp;two worlds naturally&nbsp;become merged as kids grow into adults-how much better will it be if they work with the adult world in the process of joining it.&nbsp; Adutls need to nurture hope and vision not cynicism.&nbsp; The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-50714036681219405952013-05-08T08:19:00.002-07:002013-05-08T08:19:37.887-07:00Techno-PanicI am reading a terrific book by Nancy Willard entitled:<b><i> Cyber Savvy: Embracing Digital Safety and Civility.&nbsp;<a href="http://www.corwin.com/books/Book235921" target="_blank">http://www.corwin.com/books/Book235921</a></i></b><br /><b><br /></b>I highly recommend it to anyone interested in cyber bullying especially from an educational perspective. &nbsp;There is a great website based on the book and it is a great resource for any educator:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.embracecivility.org/" target="_blank">http://www.embracecivility.org</a><br /><br />In the book there is a chapter called, <i>The Dangers of Techno-Panic</i>. &nbsp;This is how she defines it:<br /><br />"Techno-panic is a heightened level of concern about the use of contemporary technologies by young people that is disproportionate to the empirical data on the actual degree of risk. &nbsp;Moral panic is when a condition, episode, person or group of persons emerges to become defined as a threat to societal systems and interests. &nbsp;Techno-panic appears to be a moral panic in response to fear of modernity and change as represented by new technologies."<br /><br />We see examples of moral panic unfortunately all the time. &nbsp;Any cataclysmic event that occurs triggers a host of 24/7 news coverage and makes people think that such an event is going to be a regular occurrence. &nbsp;(One of the principles of change that is too often overlooked by leaders is the notion advanced by John Kotter a "sense of urgency" being a prerequisite for change. &nbsp;Skillful leaders help people connect to the need for change through their hearts not just their heads.) <br /><br />Moral panic and all that results from it operates on this sense of urgency gone wild and out of control. &nbsp;Panic is the right word. &nbsp;Kotter talks about urgency coming from a sense of wanting to do the right, moral and necessary thing to address a problem. &nbsp;Panic comes from fear and too often triggers actions that have &nbsp;little or no regard for the reality or the facts of a situation. &nbsp;This panic triggers ill-conceived laws and policies that too often end up not addressing the real problem but making the whole situation more "problematic".<br /><br />Moral panic is fed by an overexposure and dramatization of one event by media attention. &nbsp;Here again a key element of change comes into play: the use of story to connect people to an issue or problem. &nbsp;The media is good a telling stories and humanizing what were, prior to the cataclysmic event, abstractions or real problems that were out of sight and out of the public's mind. Used skillfully by a leader, story telling is a key tool for changing people's hearts and minds. &nbsp;Moral panic sets in, however, when one tragic story triggers fears of that story becoming everyone's story. &nbsp;Every crisis can be an opportunity for change but that change shouldn't be shaped solely by knee jerk reactions.<br /><br />Long term policies and solutions to problems should be informed by research and reason. &nbsp;Unfortunately moral panic too often creates policies and regulations designed to prevent the rare exception from happening. &nbsp;Too often these ironclad regulations remove the element of human judgement and common sense in responding to the problem. &nbsp;The best examples of a moral panic produced policy are zero tolerance ones.<br /><br />Willard makes a very salient point about techno-panic that is also too often overlooked she states: "Often purveyors of techno-panic have underlying motives. &nbsp;Organizations seeking funding to address Internet safety have been known to overhype the risks. &nbsp;Fear based messages are conveyed by companies seeking to sell "technology quick fixes" to parents. &nbsp;Other times, the techno-panic has come from law enforcement officials who have an unfortunate tendency to focus on fear...The widespread fear about young people online is not supported by the research data." (In advertising the cliche was "sex sells"-if that is true, then fear is a close second.)<br /><br />This techno-panic also stems from the fear adults have of not being in control of what kids are doing. &nbsp;The irony is that when it comes to <i>non</i> cyber bullying, adults too often have the illusion of control and feel that strong policies, rules and consequences can really do the job of controlling kids. &nbsp;They don't have this illusion when it comes to technology-they know that kids know more than they do in this domain. &nbsp;This is why cyber bullying and other techno fears prompt educators to defer to law enforcement officials. &nbsp;(I once did a series of presentation on bullying but was paired with a state trooper who presented on cyber bullying. &nbsp;He was very entertaining but definitely played to people's fears even though his facts weren't always very accurate.)<br /><br />Sadly this techno-panic only widens the chasm between the adult world and the student world. &nbsp;Kids do need to be guided by adults for responsible use of technology but it should be in the context of navigating the social world and how we need to treat each other. &nbsp;It is really a moral issue not a legal one. <br /><br />Here is how this techno-panic makes bullying prevention more problematic:<br /><br />Adults think that the problem is much worse than it really is. &nbsp;Most kids are very responsible users of technology. &nbsp;When adults fail to recognize and acknowledge that &nbsp;fact, the kids who are responsible users are more likely to tune out the adults in &nbsp;charge. &nbsp;(This makes sense-who likes being told repeatedly not to do something they already don't do.)&nbsp;Adults alienate potential partners who can help them &nbsp;address the problem.<br /><br />Reinforces the notion that adults are out of it and that bullying is an adult created issue and just another attempt by them to control even in the one arena where kids feel in control. &nbsp;This can only increase the desire of some kids to outfox adult authority. &nbsp; Adults need to recognize adolescents' developmental need for autonomy and provide positive outlets and opportunities for it. &nbsp;Failing to recognize this need will only "force" kids to seek autonomy away from the adult world and improve their skills in hiding it. &nbsp;Kids who are good at outfoxing adult authority usually gain more respect in the eyes of their peers-this is especially true when the adults are &nbsp;primarily perceived as people who want to control kids.<br /><br />This is why most kids reject the term bullying and replace with drama. &nbsp;When kids reject the adult <i>word</i> for their own experience, they can tend to overlook situations when drama does really cross the line and turns into abuse. &nbsp;If they tune out adults, we lose the opportunity to talk about a continuum of behaviors and the distinctions that do sometimes have to be made. &nbsp;Kids understandably don't wanted to be labelled as bullies so one way of avoiding that from ever happening is to discredit the <i>word</i> to make sure it never applies to them. &nbsp;We lose the opportunity to talk about these important issues-we &nbsp;cut off discussions that can truly help kids develop their moral conscience.<br /><br />Kids rightfully fear adult overreaction to real problems that kids are concerned about. &nbsp;This decreases the likelihood that they will go to &nbsp;adults to ask for help and advice on problems that might want to handle on their own. &nbsp;Adults inadvertently cut themselves off from kids as resources and sounding boards. &nbsp;Unfortunately kids do need the advice and guidance of adults but will not seek if they only see adults as authoritarian and heavy handed.<br /><br />Kids fear losing access to technology if they report or share information about the misuse of it. &nbsp;This represses the likelihood of them reporting a concern.<br /><br />With techno-panic as the source of change, a great opportunity for "connecting" with kids is lost. &nbsp;Kids don't want to always be in a <i>one down</i> position with adults. &nbsp;When adults can seek out kids for help with technology and involve them as partners in developing reasonable guidelines for responsible use, this <i>one down</i> barrier is removed. &nbsp;Kids do not think less of adults if adults acknowledge that kids have a necessary expertise-the opposite happens- &nbsp;they are only too willing and eager to help when asked. &nbsp;This problem can become a tremendous opportunity for a true partnership with adults and kids. &nbsp;When peers take the lead in a positive direction and are viewed as the solution rather than the problem, the entire culture of the school can tip dramatically toward citizenship, respect and caring.<br /><br />Willard's book is a very valuable resource for replacing techno-panic and everything that accompanies it with a reasonable, non fear based approach designed to work with kids in creating a more caring and responsible environment for every member of the school community.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-29445577125874254652013-05-08T05:47:00.000-07:002013-05-08T05:47:16.672-07:00Teach100I submitted this blog to the website TEACH 100 and it was accepted and added their list of education blogs. &nbsp;It is a very helpful site for those interested in teaching and their list of blogs is a great reference tool to have given the number of resources on the web. <br /><br />I hope that what I have to offer in my blog is helpful and provides a different way of looking at some issues. &nbsp;I certainly welcome any comments and will respond to them in a timely way. &nbsp;Also if you think that what I have to say is helpful, &nbsp;I hope you can let others know about it. &nbsp;I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read my posts and I appreciate the positive feedback that I have received. &nbsp;If anyone is interested in some of the work I am doing I encourage you to visit www.noplaceforbullying.com &nbsp;Thanks again!The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-46285812183749695512013-05-06T08:52:00.000-07:002013-05-06T17:59:56.655-07:00Going SomewhereHow is it that some parents retain influence on their teenagers behavior while some don't? &nbsp;Adolescents as part of their development need to establish their independence from the adult world. &nbsp;How come some do so in defiant rebellion while others can can do so more peacefully and with less damage to themselves and others? &nbsp;This is a very difficult task for adults to manage. &nbsp;We often are very rightfully concerned about the poor choices that kids can make in the world. &nbsp;How can adults navigate the tricky world of influencing kids without controlling them?<br /><br />Ed Deci in his book <i>Why We Do What We Do </i>recognizes the need for limits and structure that adults have to provide for young people. &nbsp;He states "How can standards and limits be used so that person in the one-down position can live with the limits and still retain a feeling of self-initiation, and thus not lose intrinsic &nbsp;motivation?" The answer he goes on to explain gets to the heart of the difference between control and influence and it starts with empathy. &nbsp;When an adult acknowledges a person's need for autonomy yet also shares the reasons for limits and structure, then the adult appears supportive rather than controlling. &nbsp;Deci calls this type of approach "autonomy coaching." &nbsp;His research has revealed how sensitive students are to the subtlety of both word choice and tone of voice for interpreting whether the adult involved is presenting the limits in a supportive helpful way or is doing it simply to control. &nbsp;It boils down to a subconscious but very real sorting of adults into two categories: those whose main purpose is to control or those whose main purpose is to help and support. <br /><br />If limits or structure make sense and ultimately prevent people from getting hurt, most people should see them as reasonable and accept them. &nbsp;When adults are heavy handed with imposing them and they become just another way for adults to maintain their power and control, it becomes harder for young people to view them as reasonable and helpful. &nbsp;Ironically adults often make the desire to exceed limits more desirable not because the limits are unreasonable but because the young person resents being told what to do or not do.<br /><br />This is where bullying prevention reaches a dead end or is a road to nowhere. &nbsp;Most kids don't bully other kids and don't think bullying is a good thing. &nbsp;This was true before any legislation was passed or any policy was put into place. &nbsp;The new anti-bullying laws in place only formalized and sent a message that those in charge of things now decided to raise the stakes for doing what most people didn't do. &nbsp;The more we keep telling kids who already don't bully not to bully, the more they will tune us out. &nbsp;Many kids would probably like to just say "alright already we get it bullying is not good-now stop telling us to stop doing what we are not doing" or "there they go again." Many adults have also confessed to me that they are tired of telling kids not to bully-they should know it by now. &nbsp;When the focus is on stopping something most people already don't do, people feel a little lost regarding what to do next. &nbsp;People need to feel like there is something more to the story; something to reach for or strive for rather than standing still not doing something. <br /><br />Adults need to tell a different story and provide a different goal or destination and it has to be something &nbsp;positive and aspirational, something to appeals to people's better natures. &nbsp;Although to some, it might seem touchy-feely, people, even those perceived as the &nbsp;most hard core and stubborn people, don't like to think of themselves negatively; those people are literally just waiting for someone in authority to perceive them as positive, responsible and moral. &nbsp;When policies and procedures are designed for controlling the possibility of the exception to the rule, the majority of people can end up feeling like they are viewed as being one step away from being a criminal. &nbsp;People tend to resent being viewed and treated like that especially adolescents who are struggling to discover who they are. &nbsp;In order to avoid that identity, they rebel against or discredit the people who make them feel that way.<br /><br />Bully prevention would get a lot farther is we shifted the conversation from DON'T DO to "what can we do and how do we want to get along". &nbsp;The conversation should be just that a conversation and a conversation can and should occur within the limits of the established law. &nbsp;Why not discuss why we have the limits we do? &nbsp;Why not discuss the possibility of more than just staying within the limits? &nbsp;Why not discuss why some kids exceed the limits and what could be done to help them stay with the limits and be more responsible? &nbsp;Why not discuss who is responsible for creating and maintaining the type of school/community they would be best for everyone? &nbsp;Many people in schools might say that there is no time for these types of discussions because of the academic pressures on schools. &nbsp;Our students I am certain would be motivated and engaged in these discussions because they are meaningful and relevant to their social lives. &nbsp; If we meet them there and engage them as partners in creating the type of school that they want to have, I feel that their investment in school in general will only increase. If we want our students to think more deeply about things and become reflective what better place to start with where they are right now!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-69979966083153823182013-05-04T07:53:00.001-07:002013-05-04T07:53:45.389-07:00Two Basic Questions <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> 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QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]><style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br /><div class="MsoNormal">Bullying prevention can become a road to nowhere unless schools can provide meaningful answers to the two basic questions that bystanders ask themselves when confronted bullying and their response to it: Is it worth it? Can I do it?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Most of us when faced with any decision ask ourselves those two questions.&nbsp; We may not do it consciously, but our answers to those questions really determine what we end up doing or not doing.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">If we want bystanders to, as they say now, “stand up” to bullying, we have to first bring those questions to the forefront-they must be articulated otherwise they will silently control what bystanders ultimately end up doing.&nbsp; Telling people to just do something that requires both risk and doubt without at least discussing those risks and doubts is asking a lot-probably too much.&nbsp; This doesn’t mean that there aren’t some kids who will step forward and “stand up” to bullying without those questions being answered-some kids will.&nbsp; These instances of “heroic action” or positive deviance do happen.&nbsp; If we want effective bullying prevention however we can’t just sit back with our fingers crossed hoping for these instances to magically happen to save the day.&nbsp; We can learn from those instances of positive deviance.&nbsp; We need to learn why some stand up and most don’t.&nbsp; Our goal therefore should be to make positive deviance less deviant and more normal-that could be called a working definition of culture change.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">This is really just a way of getting more kids to do what <i>they want to do in their hearts</i>.&nbsp; The hopeful thing is that we don’t have to create a moral conscience in kids we just have to create the conditions for it to emerge-create a safe place for it.&nbsp; We can increase bystanders’ perception of safety (perception is reality in this case) by bringing those two basic and essential questions into a conversation with them.&nbsp; We can’t just <b>tell </b>them that it is worth it and that they can make a difference, they will need to ask themselves those questions, think about them, discuss them with others, become aware of the resources available to them and then feel some degree of safety in trying out the words and actions they can use in response to bullying.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Ironically those same two questions: Is it worth it? Can I do it? Are also ones that kids who bully ask themselves and answer in the affirmative most likely without consciously thinking about them.&nbsp; &nbsp;It is very possible that if we talk about those questions in relation to the act of bullying, then the kids, who bully and do so without being aware of why they bully, might just be more likely to refrain from bullying.&nbsp; In general when people become more aware of why they do what they do, they are more likely to have more control over what they do and say.&nbsp; This is especially true of young people who are works in progress experiencing things for the first time very often with little or no awareness of why they are acting &nbsp;in a certain way or saying certain things.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">It should be our job as adults to provide guidance and direction to our children for what is happening to them in their lives.&nbsp; It becomes a road to nowhere for them and us, &nbsp;if we just say to them <i>NO don’t do that</i> or <i>if you do that then you will have bad things happening to you</i>.&nbsp; It also doesn’t little good for us just to give kids pep talks or try to shame them into doing what we think they should do.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">We need to <b>educate</b>them-help them think, reflect, discuss, ask questions, share stories, try out new behaviors and do all of that in a safe place surrounded by people they trust-people who are trustworthy.&nbsp;&nbsp; When we are trustworthy to our children, we can start to help them ask and&nbsp; begin to answer those questions: Is it worth it? Can I do it?&nbsp;&nbsp; I know that if we ask those questions of ourselves in regards to educating our children, the answers have to be a resounding YES.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><!--EndFragment-->The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-59285352199232797652013-05-02T09:15:00.001-07:002013-05-02T09:15:47.355-07:00Change to change<br /><br /> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> 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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]><style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br /><div class="MsoNormal">The more we believe we can change,&nbsp; the more we will change for the better.&nbsp; This is the simple but profound statement that empirical research is showing to be true.&nbsp; The more that we view ourselves and others as “works in progress” rather than “finished products”, the more we will treat each other with more respect or at least cut ourselves and others more slack.&nbsp; This research has profound implications not just for bullying prevention but also for all education. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The research that is demonstrating this truth is an outgrowth of the work that Carol Dweck has done with the concept of mindset.&nbsp; Students who believe that their success is attributable to their effort, i.e.&nbsp; encountering difficulty and struggling only strengthens them as learners, actually learn more than students who view their success as attributable to their innate ability.&nbsp; Daniel Yeager and colleagues are doing this new line of research.&nbsp; I urge everyone to check out his work. &nbsp;<i>Not only is it&nbsp; fascinating,&nbsp; but it also points the field of education in a new and very promising direction.&nbsp; It hold the potential for practical interventions that can get bullying prevention unstuck and untied from the many NOTS that it currently finds itself.</i>&nbsp;</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">In the article, <i>An Implicit Theories of Personality Intervention Reduces Adolescent Aggression in Response to Victimization and Exclusion by Yeager, Trzesniewski, and Dweck ( Child Development, 2012)&nbsp;</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/group/YeagerLAB/ADRG/Pdfs/Yeager%20et%20al%20hot%20sauce%20child%20development.pdf" target="_blank">http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/group/YeagerLAB/ADRG/Pdfs/Yeager%20et%20al%20hot%20sauce%20child%20development.pdf</a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">they present researching findings on the positive changes that occurred with adolescents when they &nbsp;were given a serious of lessons teaching them the malleability of the human brain and how people can and do change with changes in their environment.&nbsp;&nbsp;</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Here are some of the keys points made in the article:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Adolescents are more likely than younger children to believe that people can’t change –this is referred to as an entity theory of personality-similar to the fixed mindset in Dweck work.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">They hypothesize that this type of&nbsp; implicit theory (entity) is an explanation for why certain treatments or social/emotional skills training are less likely to result in significant changes in adolescent behavior towards peers.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">They also suggest that feelings of depression are associated with the belief in the entity theory of personality.&nbsp; If people are think that they can’t change they are more likely to become depressed.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">This research focused on students who could be considered bully/victims who would seek to get revenge either on those who bullied them or &nbsp;would find others to bully.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The experimental group was given a series of lessons that taught an incremental theory of personality-that people have the potential and capacity for change.&nbsp; They were also exposed to examples of people who demonstrated this capacity for change.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The students taught about the incremental theory were told that changing personality is not easy and can take a long time.&nbsp; Changing requires a great deal of help but is always possible.&nbsp; They were told about various mechanisms of change: maturity, motivation, situations, new experiences, learning from mistakes etc.&nbsp; This learning and changing actually reorganized people’s brains.&nbsp; They were given actual testimonials from students who did change.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">At the end of this series of lessons, the students trained in incremental theory were asked to write letters to incoming ninth graders advising them on how to respond to bullying without seeking revenge.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Some sessions also told stories about famous people who encountered and overcame social rejection.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">There was another control&nbsp; group given a similar number of training sessions that the incremental group but the content of the sessions were about coping skills.&nbsp; There was also a third group with no treatment given.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The results showed that the group taught the incremental theory were significantly less aggressive, more pro social, showed fewer conduct problems and were absent less from school than the other groups.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The researchers point out in the article that many adults have entity theory/fixed mindset towards adolescents-that they aren’t likely to change.&nbsp; Adults can make the entity/fixed mindset in adolescents become more set and less likely to change leading to more aggressive and inappropriate behavior.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The more schools use a legal approach to bullying prevention and view the problem as being the “student transgressors” rather than the circumstances/environment of the school culture and climate, the more the problem of bullying will just fester.&nbsp; If schools believed in “change” not just as possibility but &nbsp;also as a reality (or as I stated in previous posts – acted on the Y assumption not the x assumption), then the students would be follow and act on what is truly in their hearts and experience the intrinsic joys that are possible with being a member of a caring community of people.&nbsp; The adults would also like being in that type of environment.&nbsp; The first step is believing it is possible. Imagine!<o:p></o:p></div><!--EndFragment-->The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-80315308955854298882013-04-29T10:04:00.000-07:002013-04-29T10:04:47.132-07:00Identity Crisis <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>JA</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> 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table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br /><div class="MsoNormal">When it comes to bullying prevention schools are having an identity crisis.&nbsp; The people who work in schools think that they are doing a good job and in many ways they are right.&nbsp; How you judge the job they do depends upon what you think there job is and what criteria you set to judge success.&nbsp; If you walk into a school almost any school, you will see hundreds of kids behaving in an orderly fashion and pretty much doing as they are told.&nbsp; This appears on the surface to the adults who “run” the schools as the most tangible sign that things are working.&nbsp;</div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">As I have written previously, bullying is seldom a blatant or visible occurrence to the eyes of the adults who are in charge.&nbsp;&nbsp; Think about it-the need for bullying prevention came from outside the school.&nbsp; Take away the outside forces and pressures to do something about bullying and it is doubtful that most schools on their own would initiate bullying prevention programs or direct any type of effort towards reducing or preventing bullying.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">No wonder that many educators when they are honest with you have trouble believing that there really is a bullying problem in school.&nbsp; I found that administrators only started to attending professional development on bullying after laws were passed about it-they went to make sure they were in compliance not because it was a priority based on their own experience.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">So the outside world handed schools the problem of bullying and said to them, “Stop it-it is the law and it is your job to enforce the law.”&nbsp;&nbsp; Bullying was happening before laws were passed but now that bullying is officially recognized as a “problem” schools have to do something different-different from before the laws were passed.&nbsp;&nbsp; These laws do not require schools to change in substantive way or even suggest what needs to be changed.&nbsp; These laws basically say “stay as you are” but just make sure that the law against bullying is enforced. What they have to do differently is implement and enforce the law. &nbsp;Many people who work in schools probably think that they have a pretty good handle on bullying so all they really have to do is be in compliance with the law and then all will be well. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Bullying by default is a legal issue in schools.&nbsp; Schools need to enforce the law and assume a policing role.&nbsp; Just like the police their focus is on the rule breakers and to make sure they follow the procedures and protocols that come with enforcing the law the right way.&nbsp; This approach has very little to do with actually preventing or reducing bullying.&nbsp; Bullying is a complex manifestation of imbalances of power in social relationships that exist in a school.&nbsp; It is not a distinct observable act like breaking the speed limit, defacing property or even like defying a teacher.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Bullying has not and will not go away as an issue now-it is good copy for the media.&nbsp; Bullying is not a phony problem either but it is a problem that easily operates within the legal system-that is it is easy to commit and hard to prove.&nbsp; When some schools finally collect data and the data reveals a “real problem”, &nbsp;schools have no other way of addressing it. &nbsp;They just continue to use the default approach of treating it as a legal issue and increase its level of policing - mirroring the criminal justice system.&nbsp; No wonder that many educators are so ready to hand over the responsibility for enforcing the law to the actual police.&nbsp; Maybe in their minds, the reason they seem to make little progress with bullying is because they have less authority than the “real police” do. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Bullying however is really a moral issue-it is about how we all interact with each other and how we treat each other.&nbsp; It involves everyone and requires everyone to act in a caring, responsible way in situations that are not clearly defined by rules or laws.&nbsp;&nbsp; Bullying will only diminish in an environment where all the people in that environment treat each other with respect and caring-where each person is valued and cared for-a strong community.&nbsp;&nbsp; This means that schools need to change or grow towards greater community with social norms of caring and respect.&nbsp; They cannot remain status quo with just the absence of a negative or forbidden behavior.</div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Schools are not used to being asked to “grow” or change.&nbsp; They are just asked to comply and make sure the negative doesn’t happen.&nbsp; There is little provided to them on how to change or grow.&nbsp; The whole idea of embracing bullying as a moral issue is a strange role for a school and the adults in the school.&nbsp; Most would say that getting kids to grow in a moral sense is not in their job description-it is the parents job.&nbsp; The parents need to make their kids moral enough to follow the rules and the school only has the responsibility to make sure that they do.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Schools however are where kids live and breathe for at least 6 hours a day-it is the social environment where bullying either happens or doesn’t.&nbsp; Kids need to learn to make moral choices in the arena where they happen.&nbsp; They cannot get a booster shot of morality at home and then come to school and act moral.&nbsp; Even though they may not admit it, most kids do look to adults to help them grow morally.&nbsp; They are watching us, listening to us and in most cases waiting for us to provide them with the modeling and the opportunities to talk about what being moral is.&nbsp; When we pretend that it is not our role to do that (they should get it at home), we are basically saying to them-figure it out on your own and when you make a mistake we are here to nab you.&nbsp; What is probably even worse is that when schools fail to embrace bullying as a moral issue and accept responsibility for helping and guiding kids, they&nbsp; are devaluing the moral aspect of life and misleading kids to think that morality is just following the rules.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">By embracing bullying as a moral issue and tying it to the core moral issue of helping kids learn, schools can become revitalized.&nbsp; Helping the “whole student” learn and grow can become more than a job or maintaining the status quo and become instead become a heroic endeavor.<o:p></o:p></div><!--EndFragment-->The Peaceful School 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mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <br /><div class="MsoNormal">Is the problem of bullying a legal issue or a moral issue?&nbsp; This is a question that is seldom asked.&nbsp; By not asking it, those in leadership positions easily and without thinking accept the default approach to solving serious problems: pass a law against it and then enforce the law.&nbsp; This approach is concrete and demonstrates that “something” is being done about a problem that we would like to go away. What could be wrong with that?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Most laws work well in setting limits on behaviors.&nbsp; It is easier to stop people from doing unacceptable things or at least containing and constraining that behavior within reasonable limits.&nbsp; Stopping an unacceptable behavior doesn’t require getting someone to learn anything new.&nbsp;&nbsp; Strategies for stopping or containing an unacceptable behavior consist primarily of monitoring people’s behavior and only interacting with the people who overstep or exceed the limits.&nbsp; Think of the speed limit on driving.&nbsp; People don’t need to be taught how to stay within the limit.&nbsp; Police just monitor the roads and when they detect someone exceeding the limit they have the authority to stop them and provide a consequence for the behavior that “broke the law.”&nbsp; Most people drive in a relatively rational state of mind-they have to make decisions about where they need to go so it is not hard for them to decide if they want to take the risk of exceeding the limit to get to their destination sooner.&nbsp; To a large degree, driving over the speed limit is a choice most people make and they weight the risks involved along with&nbsp; their awareness of police presence and the likelihood of being caught.&nbsp;&nbsp; This approach to problems “works” for <b>some</b> problems.&nbsp; It doesn’t work for <b>all</b> problems.&nbsp; Life would be simpler and easier if it did but it doesn’t.&nbsp; We can be fooled thinking that it should work for all problems. since it is hard to do “nothing” and it is unclear what the solution is to the more complex problem, we go ahead and use the tried and true solution used for a very different type of problem.</div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Some problems are more concrete and can be contained by setting and monitoring reasonable limits on the problem behavior.&nbsp; Because this approach is so concrete and only requires effective monitoring and enforcement, we want all problems to be solved this way.&nbsp; In fact, when confronted with a more complex problem that requires a different approach, those in authority continue to see the problem in simpler terms so that they can feel like they are doing something about it.&nbsp; I recently heard a story that illustrates this phenomenon:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>A man is doesn’t feel good and goes to his doctor.&nbsp; The doctor examines him and can’t diagnose what is wrong.&nbsp; He tells the man to go home strip down to his underwear, open up the window and stand in front of the cold air.&nbsp; The &nbsp;man says to the doctor that if he does that he is likely to catch pneumonia.&nbsp; The doctor replies, “Good, then you can back to me and I will know how to treat you.”<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br /></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">This is what happens when a legal solution is used for a moral problem.&nbsp; The cliché that you can’t legislate morality is true. Moral behavior is different from legal behavior.&nbsp; Not all immoral behavior is illegal and not all legal behavior is moral.&nbsp; Getting the two mixed up<i> is confusing and leads to getting nowhere with either problem.</i>&nbsp; The irony of this situation is that moral people don’t need laws.&nbsp; Immoral people are not constrained too much by the law anyway. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp;<i>Ask a group of your friends what law would they break if there were no law there to prevent them.&nbsp; If they name a law they would break, it would probably be a questionable law only pertains to their own individual behavior, i.e. marijuana use.&nbsp; Even in that case it is doubtful that it is the law that would inhibit them-if they wanted to do they would find a way to do it without getting caught.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br /></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">An example of a disastrous attempt, to address a moral problem with a legal solution was Prohibition<i>.&nbsp;&nbsp; </i>Alcohol abuse does tremendous damage to our society.&nbsp; They were many people who wanted to stop this damage and it must have been appealing to those people to solve the problem by banning the source of it.&nbsp; (This doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be limits on using it-there should be limits and limits are necessary and useful.) Lifting the prohibition on alcohol, is not the same as saying alcohol abuse is good and go ahead and drink all you want.&nbsp; In the case of Prohibition we learned that banning something that people were already doing was not the solution to the abuse of the behavior.&nbsp; Responsible use of alcohol is really a moral issue and getting people to use it responsibility requires a lot more than simply telling them not to use it at all.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The problem of bullying is ultimately a moral problem not just a legal one.&nbsp;When kids bully other kids it is not usually a rational decision that one that a driver would make to stay within the speed limit. &nbsp;Kids bully for many reasons-most of them they are not aware of. &nbsp;Bystanders don't intervene or help for many reasons most are not rational clear cut decisions. &nbsp;We need to help kids learn about this problem and what is going on inside of them and how it connects to the social world that is their reality. &nbsp;The solution to the problem needs to be more than just telling people not to do it.&nbsp; The solution (solution is probably not the right word) requires helping people learn what responsible behavior is and helping them become responsible.&nbsp; Learning to live in the social world is not easy-it is a learning process.&nbsp; We interact with each other in many subtle and complex ways and it is inevitable that we will all make mistakes.&nbsp; Mistakes shouldn’t be crimes.&nbsp; People who make mistakes shouldn’t be thought of as criminals-we would all be criminals if that were true.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Some mistakes are egregious and shouldn’t ever occur.&nbsp; These more serious mistakes are more likely to be avoided when the less serious mistakes that people make can be talked about in an environment free from shame and blame.&nbsp; If adults only talk to kids about responsible behavior after the limit to that behavior is crossed, we are not really giving them the guidance and wisdom they need to become more and more responsible.&nbsp;&nbsp; When mistakes are perceived as crimes and people are not caught making them, there is no reason for even discussing them, in fact most people want to keep them secret and hidden.&nbsp; When mistakes are perceived as crimes, most people will deny that they made a mistake for admitting the mistake would mean they are admitting they are a criminal and few people would want to accept that as their identity. &nbsp;In effect when the emphasis is on the <i><b>legal and not the moral and human element</b></i>, we reduce the amount of learning that can and should occur concerning the problem.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">When we make bullying a legal, criminal issue we push kids away from ever admitting a mistake in the social world.&nbsp; We make those necessary conversations with adults where they can get our help and guidance less and less likely to happen.&nbsp; "Bullying" becomes an adult word that is just another attempt on the part of adults to control and manipulate them.&nbsp; We are pushing kids away from our help and support in becoming more responsible.&nbsp; When we criminalize bullying we are removing all distinctions of social interactions and leaving kids on their own to figure it all out,and get it &nbsp;right on their own.&nbsp; We are just crossing our fingers and hoping it turns out all right.&nbsp; We are trading our need to keep things simple and to feel like we are doing “something” for doing what it really takes to help kids-becoming trustworthy in their eyes.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;We need to realize that bullying is really a moral issue and morality is something that is learned from human relationships and the connections among people.&nbsp;</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><!--EndFragment-->The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-40156329408549102812013-04-21T09:35:00.000-07:002013-04-21T09:35:07.984-07:00On Not "Burying the Lead"<br /><div style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: left;">There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?</div><div class="bq_fq_a" style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: left;"><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_kennedy.html" style="color: #0000aa; text-decoration: none;">Robert Kennedy</a></div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;"><br /></span> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:PunctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> 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UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> </w:LatentStyles></xml><![endif]--> <!--[if gte mso 10]><style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <div class="MsoNormal"><i>New York State’s Dignity for All Students Act (The Dignity Act) seeks to provide the State’s public elementary and secondary school students with a safe and supportive environment free from discrimination, intimidation, taunting, harassment, and bullying on school property, a school bus and/or at a school function.<o:p></o:p></i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br /></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><i>Alberta, Canada-A board, as partner in education has the responsibility to ensure that each student enrolled in a school operated by&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></i><i>the board and each staff member employed by the board is&nbsp;</i><i>provided with a welcoming, caring, respectful and safe&nbsp;</i><i>learning environment that respects diversity and fosters a</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>sense of belonging.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i><br /></i></div><div class="MsoNormal">These are summaries of the legislation regarding bullying passed by New York and by Alberta, Canada.&nbsp; Both laws are necessary and represent progress in recognizing the importance of keeping students safe in order to learn.&nbsp;&nbsp; Both provide an important foundation for school district to actively sustain a positive school environment.&nbsp; There are some differences between the statements that are worth exploring. ( I do this not evaluate one against the other.)&nbsp; How the law translates into action is what is most important, therefore exploring the words and their effect on subsequent action can be instructive. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp;A law is a statement, a message to the community about what is important and necessary and it can and should trigger a wide range of initiatives and changes in school, that will ultimately shape and determine the type of experience that students have in school.&nbsp;&nbsp; I think we all know that compliance with a law is not the ultimate goal for any school, instead schools should be in compliance as a first step, a minimal step in achieving the goals and the intent of the law. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">We all know that there could be schools that are in compliance but fail to truly keep all students safe.&nbsp; Conversely there are schools that could be out of compliance that are not only safe but great places for learning.&nbsp; Laws can and should point in the right the direction and the words and their emphasis do influence how school leaders lead their schools. &nbsp;Words, as they say, do matter.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">I have looked at a lot of the written material that has come out of DASA, NY’s legislation and it seems that the emphasis is much more on stopping something bad from happening.&nbsp; That is good and noble thing-who could not agree that it is good to stop a bad thing.&nbsp; There is less of&nbsp; emphasis on what to do in addition to stopping a bad thing.&nbsp; The language connected to the law also reveals that the main responsibility is to make sure that schools stop students from doing bad things.</div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">It is easier to know communicate about what shouldn’t happen.&nbsp;&nbsp; It is a harder thing and requires more imagination to envision how schools could be different.&nbsp; The vision of most laws is one that envisions the status quo but only without the bad the things happens in it.&nbsp; It is similar to the medical model of disease being something that needs to be removed from the body so that the body can go about living as it did before. &nbsp;In the case of bullying, when kids who bully stop bullying, the school can go about its business the way it traditionally has.&nbsp; The school staff then just need to police the environment to make sure the law is not broken-sort like the police making sure no one breaks the speed limit.&nbsp; They leave the people who stay within the speed limit alone.&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">This is a good thing and is really what the law is all about.&nbsp; The problem is bullying is not really a legal issue it is a moral issue and. as they say, you can legislate morality as much as one might try.&nbsp; The problem schools are not designed at least on paper to address moral issues-it is not their job-it is the parents’ job, so if kids are acting immorally&nbsp; there really isn’t anything a school can do (some might say should do).&nbsp; It is hard to schools to do this job and even harder if they are left on their own to reimagine how they need to change who they are and how they should be.&nbsp; One of if not the most important jobs of leadership is shape that vision and ask why not like Robert Kennedy said. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">The Alberta provision is not a better but is just different and that difference is worth exploring.&nbsp; There is no “not” in it.&nbsp; Some could criticize it for not having the word <i>bullying </i>in it.&nbsp; (They do in other places in the provision.)&nbsp; They “lead” with a vision of how schools should be.&nbsp; I am sure that everyone involved in writing the DASA legislation and every administrator in NYS would sign up for the statement of Alberta-they would say <i>yes, of course</i> that is the same thing we want.&nbsp; If you look deeper into the all the words written about DASA and the resources that NYS provides, you could find a similar vision to the one articulated in Alberta.&nbsp; I could easily be accused of nitpicking these statements, so why should I even bother.&nbsp; I do so because of what &nbsp;journalists/writers know: how important it is not to “bury the lead” in any type of story.&nbsp; What is said in the first sentence in many ways determines everything that comes after; determines to a very large degree whether people even keep reading.</div><div class="MsoNormal">&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">Like good writers, good leaders no how it important it is not to “bury the lead” of any story.&nbsp; Good leaders, like good writers, know what story needs to be told and know the arc of the story and the end of the story-the story needs to be imagined so to speak in order to be told and understood. &nbsp;All of that depends on the “lead”.&nbsp; Alberta has not buried the <b><i>lead</i></b>.&nbsp; They have put their re-imagined vision of school at the front (in the lead) of everything that &nbsp;they want to come after it.&nbsp; They have chosen the direction that they want people to go-have given them a vision as a direction-a positive image not just the same old with vision without the bad thing in it.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">Ultimately however what happens in each school is up to each school and the people in that school.&nbsp; Each school needs to determine its own “lead” in order to create the school they want.&nbsp; It is easier not to reimagine the school as being any different from how it currently is except without the bad thing happening.&nbsp; Good leaders know however that the best schools are always re-writing, re-creating themselves, re-imaging themselves and involving everyone in that process.&nbsp; Good leaders know how important it is not to bury the lead, but to put it up front and make it very visible and then help everyone walk together towards it. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal">“If we are all facing in the same direction, all we have to do is keep walking” is a Buddhist saying that really says it all. Good leaders are the ones who believe this and lead in a way that turns that saying into a reality.&nbsp; That would be a good lead for them to follow.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br /></div><!--EndFragment-->The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-66773115728106636572013-04-18T02:16:00.004-07:002013-04-18T02:16:34.833-07:00Terrific videoHere is a great video made by some students in Texas school district:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjE6LP7pbjQ&amp;feature=youtu.be">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjE6LP7pbjQ&amp;feature=youtu.be</a>The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-39861972230052641302013-04-16T08:00:00.000-07:002013-04-16T08:00:09.452-07:00Between Two WorldsOne of the funniest skits of SNL was when Chris Farley played a motivational speaker hired by parents to get their teenage kids to behave.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; There is such an inherent absurdity to the idea that these teenagers will turn around their behavior based upon the exhortations of this outrageous motivational speaker.&nbsp; Even the actors playing the teenagers in the skit have trouble containing their laughter.&nbsp; We all laugh at this motivational speaker but isn't it pretty much the same as what many school districts do to combat bullying. <br /><br />Somehow many adults still think that saying the right things in the right way will somehow change or motivate kids to see the light and act differently.&nbsp; In addition, just like the SNL skit, schools like the parents in the skit are pretty much signaling that they are at a loss for what to do when it comes to their kids.&nbsp; They need some outside person to come in and inspire their own children to act differently.&nbsp; To be fair to schools, bringing in motivational speakers does show that they want to do something about the problem, but it doesn't do much more than only that.&nbsp; Are there other ways to connect to students, other ways to change how they act or what they say?<br /><br />The answer is a definite YES but it will mean that adults need to accept the responsibility of becoming trustworthy.&nbsp; The adults much change what they do and say before there can be any possibility of reasonably expecting kids to change.&nbsp; (This is perhaps the hardest part of change.&nbsp; Most people especially people in positions of authority have to function in the world assuming they are right about most things and if that is true why should they change.)&nbsp; <br /><br />&nbsp;Motivational speakers are not going to make much difference.&nbsp;&nbsp;(They could even make the situation worse by even lowering adult creditability in the eyes of students.)&nbsp; They are two essential things that adults can do that can start to make the necessary connection with students: acknowledge certain realities and change the language we use to reflect those realities.<br /><br /><strong>Acknowledge the social world</strong>:&nbsp; Adults must acknowledge the fact the social world of school is important and not just incidental to the academic world.&nbsp; What we <strong>don't</strong> say and do communicates who we are and what we value, so when we don't acknowledge the social world and its importance in our lives, we give the mistaken impression that kids are in school primarily for adults to pour academic knowledge into them and then test them to see if they got it.&nbsp; The best teachers ironically are the ones who acknowledge the social world and integrate it with the academic.&nbsp; <br /><br /><strong>Acknowledge the differences between the adult world and the student world:</strong>&nbsp; Adults need to remember what it was like when they were young and try to empathize with students.&nbsp; This empathy should help adults see and understand how kids as they grow need to separate and have their own world.&nbsp; The more conversation we can have about the differences the better.&nbsp; I remember my wife once having a conversation with my then teenage son about how kids need to separate from their adults.&nbsp; His response was "That helps me understand why I am do some of the things I do."<br /><br /><strong>Acknowledge the limits of the adult world in controlling the student world.</strong>&nbsp; This is where adults have to be humble.&nbsp; We have to overcome our fear of being vulnerable or weak in the eyes of others especially students.&nbsp; The irony of this is that when people in perceived positions of authority are humble and acknowledge their limitations and their needs, they gain respect and trust for those they lead.&nbsp;When leading a Peaceful School Bus group as principal I make a point of saying to the kids that I couldn't really control what they did on the bus and that they could and should &nbsp;take collective &nbsp;responsibility for the type of school they wanted to have-it was up to them to decide if they wanted everyone on the bus to be safe.&nbsp; When I followed up this message with practical strategies for them to use, they were ready to see how and why they should use them.&nbsp; We can't just say "it's up to you"we need to follow up with support, resources and reassurance of "back up" when they needed it.<br /><br /><strong>Acknowledge how the student world is needed in not just stopping something negative, but&nbsp;in meeting a common aspiration goal.</strong>&nbsp; When a leader acknowledges the need for the whole team to work together toward a common goal where everyone benefits, people are more likely to help than when they are told just to stopping doing a negative behavior. I would say to the bus route group, "I need your help in doing my job and my job is to keep everyone safe and able to learn."&nbsp; I would then humbly ask them, "Will you help me?'&nbsp; Kids want to say <strong><em>Yes</em></strong>.&nbsp; When we humbly ask we are also showing our trust and our belief that they are trustworthy and capable.&nbsp; When we do that they are more likely to trust us and come to us when they need help.<br /><br />These acknowledgements are&nbsp;so necessary for connecting to students.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;We need to have a different set of words to use with kids.&nbsp; Words do matter for they shape how we think and then act.&nbsp; Here are some the "replacements' we need to make:<br /><br />Replace the mindset of "doing to kids" to "doing with kids"<br /><br />Replace telling kids with asking kids<br /><br />Replace saying NO and Don't with Do and dare (take a risk for doing good)<br /><br />Replace seeing kids as the source of the problem with seeing them as the solution to the problem<br /><br />Replace YOU with WE<br /><br />If we start to make these shifts based on our trust in kids, we become trustworthy.&nbsp; When we become trustworthy the lines of communication open and kids will be open to the wisdom we do have to offer them.&nbsp;&nbsp; When we recognize the limits of our control and stop trying to manipulate kids into doing what we want them to do, a <em>strange</em> thing actually happens: we end&nbsp; up actually having a influence on how they think and act.&nbsp; Kids start to see us as people who want to help them not just as people who want to control them.&nbsp; We have opened up the "life lines" between our two worlds.<br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-63218414148076890012013-04-15T06:45:00.000-07:002013-04-15T06:45:51.040-07:00Another "NOT"-Not my WORD<br /><h2> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> 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table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:12.0pt; font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-language:JA;} </style><![endif]--> <!--StartFragment--> <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“While teen conflict will never go away, networked publics have changed how it operates. “Drama” is a very messy process, full of contradictions and blurred boundaries. But it opens up spaces for teens. As a concept, drama lets teens conceptualize and understand how their social dynamics have changed with the emergence of social media. Technology allows teens to carve out agented identities for themselves even when embroiled in social conflict. And it lets them save face when confronted with adult-defined dynamics, which their peers see as childish and irrelevant.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Understanding how “drama” operates is necessary to recognize teens’ own defenses against the realities of aggression, gossip, and bullying in networked publics. Most teens do not recognize themselves in the “bullying” rhetoric used by parents, teen advocates, and mental health professionals. Even the pop cultural depictions in television shows like Glee feel irrelevant to many teens. They do not want to see themselves as victims or as aggressors, but as mature individuals navigating their world competently.” <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;"><br /></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">an excerpt from the article: The Drama! Teen Conflict, Gossip, and Bullying in Networked Publics</span></i><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;;">by Dr. Alice Marwick and Dr. dana boyd<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></div></h2><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">Whenever I get the opportunity to talk to a teenager, I ask them about their perception and assessment of the bullying in their high school.&nbsp; Invariably, I get the same response: it is not much of a problem.&nbsp; I realize that this is dependent upon the status of the student in the school.&nbsp; And contrary to what the media portrays especially when it comes to cyber bullying, the reality is that most students do not experience bullying.&nbsp; This response shouldn’t be a surprise but it has always made me scratch my head a bit since all students are bystanders and I figured that most kids would have witnessed bullying on some level.</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">Reading the complete article by Marwick and boyd helped me understand the response I got from my limited sample of high school students.&nbsp; <i>Bullying </i>for me was <i>drama</i> for them.&nbsp; <i>Bullying</i>is a word from the adult world.&nbsp; It is breaking a rule, a no-no, something mean spirited, done by bad kids, something that the media gets all hyped up about.&nbsp; At best bullying is something that younger kids, immature kids do that most high school kids have outgrown.&nbsp; Who could admit to doing such a thing or that such a thing even occurs in their world?&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">To most high school students, bullying is not a reality-it is from another world-not theirs.&nbsp; It is from a world-the adult world-that they developmentally need to separate from, a world by its very nature that is “out of it”, a world that cannot understand their world.&nbsp; Too often it is a world that they perceive that is not interested in understanding their world because it is too busy trying to police and control their world.&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">Teenagers need to create an “identity” separate from the adult world.&nbsp; A big part of any separate identity is the developing a new language-one that the world from which they are separating cannot understand.&nbsp; This is part of the developmental process of leaving the nest so to speak.&nbsp; Kids can’t continue to depend upon only doing what they are told to do if they are going at some point in their lives become independent from the adult world.&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">This is why anyone who has raised a child into adulthood knows how difficult a job it is.&nbsp; Adults are in a “no-win” situation, because kids almost have to rebel, reject their parents to certain degree in order to establish an identity apart from just being a member of the family or a creation of their parents.&nbsp; The irony is that this is impossible and kids needs adult guidance and support and cannot function totally independently from adults.&nbsp; I think there was a book title that said something to like: “Mom I hate you but can you drive me to the mall.”</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">Wise adults recognize this as a developmental process and accept this inherent paradox that adolescents find themselves in: they can’t live with us or without us.&nbsp; From my own observations and experience, I believe that the greatest mistake adults can make is to increase the degree of control they exert over adolescents especially when kids push the limits of that control.&nbsp; The more adults push and exert control the more adolescents with push back and away.&nbsp; Some will do it overtly and some covertly and some in both ways.&nbsp; Kids can become very clever in giving adults the surface compliance that they know will satisfy them and then pursue their own agenda.&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">What does all of this have to do with bullying prevention?&nbsp; It means that all of our efforts to control adolescents will only discredit us and push kids away from the ‘wisdom’ that they need from adults in order to navigate the world from teenage years to adulthood.&nbsp;&nbsp; The more kids see adults as merely people who are trying to tell them what to do, how to do it or just as people who have create a series of hoops for them to jump through, the less they will listen to them.&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">This is tragic because one of the benefits of family and community is passing of wisdom from generation to generation.&nbsp; If kids only take their cues or advice from other kids (those without sufficient life experiences) they are more apt to make not only stupid and avoidable mistakes, but also tragic and harmful ones.&nbsp; Sadly, the more they feel the need to cut themselves off from adults, the less they will learn from those mistakes because they will deny that they were mistakes. Admitting they were mistakes would be admitting that adults were right and they were wrong-they would be losing their newfound identity.</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;">Ironically the more adults emphasize the dangers of bullying and use scare tactics as a means to control kids the more likely bullying will be denied and labeled as <i>drama</i> by teenagers.&nbsp; The more adults try to police and criminalize bullying, the more teenagers will refuse to ever admit to doing it.&nbsp; The more adults try to impose their will upon kids, the more they will turn off any message we try to give.&nbsp;</span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14pt; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Returning to the mining collapse analogy from my previous posting, adults have to accept the fact that kids are in a different world that is separate from the adult world.&nbsp; Adults need to accept the fact that this world wants and needs to be separate and cannot be expected to conform to the adult world.&nbsp; This very acknowledgement and understanding of the existence of two worlds is the first step in opening up lifelines of not just communication but&nbsp;</span></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><span style="font-size: 19px; font-weight: normal;">crucial and essential</span></span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;resources.</span></span></h4><h4><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: medium;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;">There are many NOTS that make it difficult for bystanders to intervene and report bullying.&nbsp; The “NOT my word (drama vs. bullying)” is one that requires us to enter into real dialogue with students:&nbsp; a dialogue where we acknowledge that we don’t speak the same language.&nbsp; This is an essential first step in learning about each other, respecting each other and learning from each other.&nbsp;&nbsp;</span></span></h4><h4><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; font-size: 14.0pt;">It is pretty simple, when we realize that kids have a lot to teach us and that we need them, then they will be more likely to be open to learn from us-to let us support them.&nbsp; When we truly respect them we become trustworthy. They can see us not as people who want to control them but people who love them and truly want to help them.&nbsp; We, as adults, need to make sure that the true message of love and support doesn’t get overwhelmed and drowned out by our controlling actions borne of our fear of them being out of&nbsp; our control.</span></span><o:p style="font-weight: normal;">&nbsp;</o:p></h4><!--EndFragment--> <!--EndFragment--> The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-48310059153783239602013-04-12T07:44:00.000-07:002013-04-12T07:44:01.459-07:00Crossing BoundariesYou might remember a few years ago there was a terrible mine collapse in Chile. &nbsp;It took months for the trapped miners to finally be rescued. &nbsp;This disaster that turned into a miracle rescue is used by Amy Edmundson in her book, <i>Teaming</i>, as an example of how teams of people working in different locations with different roles, levels of expertise came together to do what many would have felt was impossible at the start. She used this story to emphasize the importance of teams being to cross "boundaries" to truly collaborate for creative solutions to new and challenging problems.<br /><br />One of the teams were the miners themselves. &nbsp;They had to face the challenge of staying physically and more importantly psychologically healthy in order to survive as long as it ended up taking for the outside teams to learn how to rescue them. &nbsp;Their survival involved reaching consensus on organizing their time, distributing jobs and responsibilities for all members and have a daily ritual when they all came together to pray every morning.<br /><br />One team up above was the government of Chile. &nbsp;The newly elected president stated a clear goal to everyone-get the miners out alive and spare no expense. He took a risk politically, because failing to do so would look bad afterward. &nbsp;This clear and direct (unambiguous) goal also had the effect of organizing and uniting these teams across the world. &nbsp;This type of goal made their efforts "heroic" rather than correcting a mistake. &nbsp;They could focus on solutions rather than looking for someone to blame for the problem.<br /><br />Each team involved had to acknowledge the need for help-their efforts had to be interdependent. &nbsp;There was no predetermined method or technique to discover that they had to apply to the situation. &nbsp;Instead these teams had to learn together and try things out knowing that many efforts wouldn't work. &nbsp;Their "failures" were opportunities for ultimately learning about what would work.<br /><br />One of the main initial tasks of the team above the ground was to find where the miners were. &nbsp;They had to drill down into the ground carefully in order not to make the collapse worse. &nbsp;They had to figure out how to drill at the proper angle but ultimately they had to locate the miners and be able to communicate with them and provide them with supplies.<br /><br />Most of all the success of this mission depended upon people communicating across all types of boundaries of many she divided into three main types: physical distance, status and knowledge. <br /><br />This story in way mirrors bullying prevention in schools in the following ways:<br /><br /><b>The student world and the adult world are separate entities each with their own set of rules and ways of interacting.</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>Kids who are bullied often feel trapped and disconnected from others in their peer group and the adult world.</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>No one group alone can solve the unique manifestation of bullying in a school.</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>Because the manifestation of bullying is unique in each school, new and creative solutions to the problem can only emerge when all the groups work together. &nbsp;They cannot rely on canned solutions.</b><br /><br />Likewise bullying prevention can learn from this story in the following ways:<br /><br /><b>There should be a clear aspiration goal uniting the work of all the members of the school community. &nbsp;It shouldn't be "let's solve the problem of bullying" but instead something akin to "Create a school environment where each student can confidently walk through the door ready to learn free from fear and anxiety."</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>The boundaries of the adult world need to be crossed-administrators, teachers, paraprofessionals and parents have to respect the contribution that each has to solving the problem. &nbsp;They cannot work at cross purposes and no one group is more at fault than another-there is no fault only shared responsibility borne out of mutual respect. (These are the teams above the ground.) &nbsp;</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>Each team has to realize that there are no easy answers but that the mission is not just worth the effort; the mission is at the heart of what they are about as people.</b><br /><b><br /></b><b>The adult world (teams above the ground) bear the responsibility of figuring out the best way to reach the the student world (those below the ground). &nbsp;There must be lines of communication flowing back and forth between these two worlds. &nbsp;The adult world must recognize that ultimately the student world has most influence on its own members but the student world does need their resources, wisdom and guidance (not their direct control or manipulation).</b><br /><br />When all the members of the school community embrace bullying prevention not as another problem on a list of things to do but rather as their central mission of making schools safe places for optimal learning for all members of the community, &nbsp;success in spite of the odds becomes not just possible but inevitable.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-80779265919641539762013-04-10T12:26:00.000-07:002013-04-10T12:26:27.967-07:00The 21st Century is Now!I have written here about how important it is to empower students not just so they can report or intervene when they see bullying, but also because these are also the same skills&nbsp; needed to be successful in the workplace.&nbsp; A young person I know is currently looking for a job.&nbsp; Here are the skills listed for the job of project manager at an advertising firm in NYC (taken verbaten off their site):<br /><br />SKILLS:<br /><br /><br />- Thorough knowledge of design process and ability to discuss in professional terms<br /><br />- Ability to present and “sell” concepts and ideas to clients<br /><br />- Experience working in a design studio preferred<br /><br />- Outstanding written and oral communication skills <br /><br />- Optimistic, personable, confident, collaborative and analytical<br /><br />- Excellent organizational skills<br /><br />- Experience managing scope, schedules and resources<br /><br />- Self starter with excellent problem solving skills<br /><br />- Demonstrated ability to work in a fast-paced environment on multiple projects <br /><br />- Startup mentality. Must be comfortable working hard and in a fast-paced environment.<br /><br />- Bachelor's degree or equivalent<br /><br />- Some experience with Adobe Creative Suite a plus<br /><br />- Minimum 2 years of experience <br /><br />One of my favorite quotations is by John Dewey:<br /><br />"We never educate directly but indirectly by means of the environment...The required beliefs cannot be hammered in, the needed attitudes cannot be plastered on...The very process of living together educates...Education is thus a fostering, nurturing, cultivating process." <br /><br />Kids will only develop the skills in listed in the job posting when they are able to used those skills day to day as an integral part of their education.&nbsp;&nbsp; Granted that most kids who end up getting those jobs probably went to a a pretty traditional school'&nbsp; I believe that in most cases those kids developed these requisite skills<strong> inspite of the typical experience they had in schools.</strong> They might have developed them in extra curricular activities, sports and if they were fortunate, the experiences provided by their families outside of school.&nbsp; <br /><br />It is clear to me that the skills listed for job in the advertising agency are fairly typical of most professional companies that involve any type of creative enterprise.&nbsp; I don't see the skills of "good at following imposed rules for behavior"&nbsp; "works well for incentives", "completes all the work that they are given", "follow directions and promptly and accurately" '"strives not to make mistakes" or "performed well on standardized tests"&nbsp; Yet schools are still designed as if the skills listed for the real jobs in the world today&nbsp;did not exist.&nbsp; Schools especially ones that are designed for order, predictability and efficiency with the adults clearly in control and manipulating student behavior, &nbsp;are really self serving and not designed to meet the needs of their students.&nbsp; Ask most kids, even the ones that struggle academically, they would definitely prefer to spend their time in an environment that was actively and intentionally&nbsp; designed to nurture and cultivate their unique selves rather than get standardized behavior from them. <br /><br />To me the frustrating aspect of the disconnect between the typical environment of schools and the environment of the professional workplace is that schools <strong>really haven't chosen to ignore</strong> what kids really need they have just blindly accepted the assumption that kids need to be controlled and can't imagine schools being any other way.&nbsp; The assumption that Alfie Kohn refers to in the quotation in my previous posting is one that seldom surfaces in any discussion of how we should educate our children-it stays buried deep in the DNA of schools, while the world looks for people with an education shaped by a very different DNA.The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-90198032888026350272013-04-09T08:29:00.000-07:002013-04-09T09:08:17.235-07:00Tied up in NOTS<strong>"I think that much of what goes in American schools is based on the fundamental lack of trust in children, which manifests itself in controlling them."-</strong>Alfie Kohn<br /><br />If you have read this blog, you would know that I agree wholeheartedly with Alfie Kohn,&nbsp;&nbsp;however bullying and the damage it does to kids, can really put "trust" to the test.&nbsp; When it comes to protecting students, it&nbsp; becomes too difficult for adults to resist taking control usually by the default approach of rules and consequences.&nbsp;Trusting kids&nbsp;does not mean taking a laissez-faire approach.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Advocates for trust instead call for involving kids in the process of governing their own environments and communities.&nbsp; Kids learn by doing and learn how to be responsible to each other when adults guide the process of community building.&nbsp; <br /><br />One could make the case that since bullying is to a large extent determined by how bystanders respond to it, that kids have shown that they can't be trusted since they don't consistently report or intervene when they observe bullying.&nbsp; Ironically, Kohn would probably argue (and I would also) that after years of being controlled by adults kids end up living "down" to our expectations, or adults get what they expect from kids.&nbsp; If we don't trust kids and control them, they come to view themselves as passive recipients of adult direction and defer responsibility for governing to the those who are in control-the adults.&nbsp; It is clearly up to the adults to take the first step to break this cycle.&nbsp; How can adults make this "leap of trust" and still feel like they are meeting their basic responsibility for keeping kids safe?<br /><br />Adults need&nbsp; to first avoid making the "fundamental attribution error", i.e. thinking that the problem lies within kids - that they can't be trusted.&nbsp;Adults have to attribute the problem of bullying to the circumstance, conditions that exist within the social world that kids face every day.&nbsp; It can be hard to trust kids who have a history of bullying.&nbsp; When adults are&nbsp; in a position of protecting kids from bullying, they cannot trust that these kids are going to just learn their lesson after a kind talk with an adult. <br /><br />Since many of the kids who bully never even get caught doing it, adults for the most part of"'out of the loop" any way and have no direct control over what happens.&nbsp; Shifting away from the fundamental attribution error, adults need to see bullying as a social action that serves a purpose for the kids that bully.&nbsp; That social purpose is to impress and establish the audience of bystanders thereby raising the social status of the kid who bullies.&nbsp; If adults want to "control" bullying they need to realize that they can't directly control the kid who bullies and instead address the social environment that can either support bullying or deter it.&nbsp;To put&nbsp;the challenge&nbsp;into a simple phrase:&nbsp;<strong>Stop bullying, Change the Audience.</strong><br /><br />This shift in thinking leads to the next questions: What affects how the audience (bystanders) respond to the bullying? Why don't bystanders intervene or report bullying?&nbsp; Avoiding the fundamental attribution error the answer to that question is that it's NOT because they don't care or are heartless, apathetic individuals.&nbsp; We need to explore why it is hard for kids to be responsible bystanders and have empathy for them.&nbsp; We need to understand how easy it is for bystanders to be tied up in NOTS when it comes to bullying.&nbsp; I used the term NOTS as a pun for two reasons-it is easy&nbsp; to remember and to show that most kids want to help but their are many constraining forces in their world that keep them from doing what they want to do.&nbsp; Here are some of the NOTS that keep kids from intervening and reporting.&nbsp; In future posts I will elaborate on several of them at a time, but for now I will just list them and leave them for you figure out (hint they are the same ones that we face as adults when it comes to helping our neighbor).<br /><br /><strong>NOT wrong</strong>. Kids don't see that what is happening is bullying or that it is wrong.<br /><br /><strong>NOT harmful</strong>. Kids may think that what is happening is wrong but no one is really getting hurt-the victim should be able to handle it.<br /><br /><strong>NOT like me.&nbsp; </strong>The victim of bullying is very different from the bystander.&nbsp; It is harder to help someone who we think is very different from us.<br /><br /><strong>NOT my "tribe".</strong>&nbsp; The victim is from a different class or group of people usually a group that the bystander;&nbsp;a group that the bystander doesn't want to be associated with.<br /><br /><strong>NOT&nbsp;worthy of help.</strong>&nbsp; The victim might even deserve the bullying<strong>.</strong> The victim might not be someone the teachers like.<br /><br /><strong>NOT sure of what the crowd thinks</strong>.&nbsp; Bystanders might wrongly think that most kids approve of bullying. It is scary for a lot of kids to step outside of the what they perceive the majority thinks.<br /><br /><strong>NOT sure.</strong>&nbsp; Bystanders might just be very unsure of what to do or say to stop bullying or even if it is bullying to begin with.&nbsp; Uncertainty usually freezes people into inaction.<br /><br /><strong>NOT clear.</strong>&nbsp; Sometimes it just isn't clear about what is happening and before bystanders can decide what to do the situation is over.<br /><br /><strong>NOT my job.</strong>&nbsp; A bystander might think that the bullying should stop but thinks someone else should do it or that it is the adults job to do something about it.<br /><br /><strong>NOT my decision.</strong>&nbsp; This is the opposite of being unsure of what the crowd thinks.&nbsp; A bystander interprets the inaction of others to be a sign that what is happening is not a problem. They let the behavior of others decide for them.<br /><br /><strong>NOT against the rules</strong>.&nbsp; The bullying might not technically be against the rules and bystanders decide right or wrong based on following or not following the rules.<br /><br /><strong>NOT worth the risk.</strong>&nbsp; The need for protecting the self (me) is greater than the need to help others. <br /><strong>NOT sure if adults will handle the situation well.</strong>&nbsp; Bystanders might think that the bullying is wrong but think that telling adults will only make the situation worse.<br /><br /><strong>NOT confident in their own skills and abilities.</strong>&nbsp; Bystanders might want to help but figure that their efforts will be ineffective especially when matched up against a popular socially supported kid who bullies.<br /><br /><strong>NOT sure of back up.</strong>&nbsp; Bystanders are unsure that if they take the risk and go to an adult that the adult will support&nbsp; them.&nbsp; They might even get in trouble themselves.<br /><br /><strong>NOT what it means to be a "good student".</strong>&nbsp; Many times being an effective bystander might mean breaking some rules of the school.&nbsp; It could also mean breaking the main rule of not deferring to adult authority.<br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-789812432500021641.post-40824333364703100572013-04-07T08:53:00.000-07:002013-04-07T08:53:37.556-07:00Kids Who Are BulliedThere are some people who advocate focusing on building up the confidence and skills of kids who could be victims of bullying. &nbsp;I support all efforts to boost the skills and abilities of all kids. &nbsp;Providing kids with concrete strategies, comeback lines, and ways to avoid being bullied can only help these kids. &nbsp; Like many other solutions that are primarily directed towards changing the students, this approach also ultimately falls short of significantly addressing the problem of bullying. &nbsp;The main problem I have with this approach is that it fails to change the environment/social world of the school. &nbsp;A program to boost the skills of vulnerable kids <i>could</i> support efforts to transform the culture and climate of the school, but by itself it will do little to prevent or reduce bullying. <br /><br />There are several reasons why this focusing on skill building of possible victims is not the way to go:<br /><br /><b>It assumes that the characteristics of kids who are possible victims of bullying are innate and operate independently of the social context of the school. </b>&nbsp;To put it in more simple terms kid who might be vulnerable in one school could be a lot less vulnerable in a different school. &nbsp;If a school has a culture that emphasizes cooperation rather than competition, where differences are not just tolerated but valued, then kids in general are less vulnerable that in other school cultures.<br /><br /><b>It mirrors the workshop model of professional development which has been proven to be ineffective. &nbsp;</b>Teachers who attend workshops and then return to their schools hoping to use what they learned at the workshop almost never do so if the school is not committed to systematically supporting the goals of the workshop. &nbsp;The same holds true with students who could receive one to one counseling or specially designed lessons. When these students return to the classroom and school environment and are treated the same way as before they are not likely to transfer what they learned to the actual environment.<br /><br /><b>If a culture views "difference" negatively, there is very little that the person who is different can do to overcome the perception of others. &nbsp; </b>When kids sees differences as normal and adults treat kids who are different with respect and as full members of the community, &nbsp;the way everyone acts towards those kids change. &nbsp;When kids with severe physical disabilities are part of the school community and that is a common thing not an exception, kids respond in a matter of fact way and treat those kids as classmates not as "others".<br /><br /><b>Very often kids who are bullied are bullied because of how they look and not what they do or say. </b>&nbsp;It can be very disheartening to kids who look different to be led to believe that if they said or did something different that maybe they wouldn't be bullied. &nbsp;Since these kids are vulnerable to begin with, any hint that the bullying is because they failed to do what they were taught to do, can be devastating to them. <br /><br /><b>It doesn't account for how adults in the environment feel about the kids who are potential victims. </b>&nbsp; &nbsp;There are some kids who are victims of bullying who are not well liked or accepted by many adults in the building. &nbsp;Kids can easily sense who is liked or not liked by adults. &nbsp;If a kid is an annoyance to a teacher, bystanders are more likely to think that the kid might deserve the bullying. &nbsp;Kids would only be doing what they think the teachers would probably like them to do.<br /><br /><b>Sometimes the best defense is not what you do or say but rather who your friends are. &nbsp;</b>Getting one or two kids who are fairly well liked by most of the kids to sit near a kid could be a possible victim is a much better strategy than trying just to boost the possible victims skills.<br /><br /><b>Ironically the best way to build up kids social skills in fostering more interactions among all the students in the classroom-getting them to work together academically on tasks.</b> &nbsp;This is why cooperative learning is a leveraging strategy-it has a positive impact on many levels. &nbsp;Kids are learning social skills as they learn any other skills.<br /><br />Most schools are "stuck" in an individualistic culture where people should just suck it up, or pull themselves up by their bootstraps. &nbsp;Schools should be more than a physical place when groups of individuals happen to be together following a similar schedule and moving toward individual outcomes. &nbsp;They can and should be communities-places where every member is valued and every member cares about what happens to every member. &nbsp;Schools that are strong communities where every member is valued and cared for &nbsp;have less bullying and higher levels achievement for every student. &nbsp;Focusing on community and how we all treat each other should be our focus and where we direct our energy for change.<br /><br /><br />The Peaceful School Bushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17397802557332577124noreply@blogger.com0