Medical Love Song
from the Monty Python’s Contractual Obligation albumxhtml version by Mats Peterson
<matsp888@yahoo.com> 2013‐02‐08

Tran­scribed cir­ca 1984 by Rich Holmes (rich@suhep.bit­net). As Mc­Coy
would say, I’m a par­ti­cle physi­cist, dammit, not a doc­tor. Most of the
med­ical terms were checked with ei­ther a med­ical dic­tio­nary or a slang
dic­tio­nary and are prob­a­bly right. The ones marked with an as­ter­isk
ei­ther (1) sound like what was sung but aren’t in any dic­tio­nary I could
find or (2) in a dic­tio­nary but don’t sound like what was sung.
Sec­ond opin­ions wel­comed.

In­flam­ma­tion of the fore­skin
Re­minds me of your smile
I’ve had bal­an­i­tal chan­croids
For quite a lit­tle while
I gave my heart to nsu [Non‐​Spe­cif­ic
Ure­thri­tis]
That love­ly night in June
I ache for you, my dar­ling,
And I hope you’ll get well soon

My pe­nile warts, your her­pes,
My syphilitic sore,
Your monil­ial in­fec­tion
How I miss you more and more
Your *do­bies itch my *scrum‐​pox
Ah, love­ly gon­or­rhea
At least we both were ly­ing
When we said that we were clear

My clapped‐​out gen­i­talia
Is not so bad for me
As the com­plete and ut­ter fail­ure
Every time I try to pee
I’m dy­ing from your love, my love,
I’m your spiro­chetal clown
I’ve left my body to sci­ence,
But I’m afraid they’ve turned it down