No that is not gum, that's petrified cat poo. I don't know why it's in the sandbox. Probably a cat put it thre. Please do not eat it.

Christ it's technicolor. How does one child produce blue, green and orange poo in a single sitting?!

I don't know when the last time he had a "bowel movement" was. I don't keep a bathroom journal. Son, have you had a shit today?

No, turning your underwear around is not the same as changing it. Now you've got tracks on the front and back.

Listen, honey, if you have to grunt and push that hard it's time to give up. We'll try again later. No I will not pull the poo from your bum.

Yes, the only way he'll poo is if I stick my finger up there and massage his anus. No, well you wouldn't know as you're not home when I do it. Yes, I do think it's time we saw the doctor about his constipation. Yes, of course I wash my hands afterwards! And before too!

When you're done wiping, the paper goes in the toilet, not on your bedroom floor. Why would you leave it there?

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