Monday, 22 April 2013

I want a place which is not facebook to write longer posts, reflective posts, posts about me, my hopes, my dreams, my issues. A place to consider the act and process of being.

I'm in the process of reinventing myself, finding new and creative ways to earn my living, support myself, be happy. To no longer be broken.

I need to get used to the idea of myself as competent, a person with something to offer, creative, skilled, inspired and inspiring. I used to be that person.

Then the thing happened, and the confidence went. Time to find it again.

Don't get me wrong. I like the new me. I'm gentler, calmer, happier, less afraid. I feel loved, cherished, looked after.

But I miss my independence. And to regain it I need more money. Not having money is limiting, humiliating, embarrassing, ultimately terrifying.

I don't honestly expect anyone to read this. But for me, being part of a conversation with the outside world is actually important. Even if no-one listens, or replies.

If it is absolutely private, personal, there is no commitment to the content. The fact that someone MIGHT read it, even if they actually don't makes the content more significant for me. The difference between an idea in the silence of my mind, and a thought spoken aloud.