It wasn’t only my mother who emerged a victor in the recent Marshmallow Fluff controversy. Massachusetts’ Senator Jarrett Barrios’ holy war against the delicious goo not only resulted in his own countrywide ridicule for being a complete and total doof, but Marshmallow Fluff sales have skyrocketed.

Summary: Massachusetts Senator Jarrett Barrios introduced anti-Marshmallow Fluff Legislation. It was widely ridiculed, then opposed by a measure to make the Fluffernutter the official State Sandwich. The proposed legislation has been withdrawn; Boston’s children again are safe to engorge themselves on the sticky, diabetes-inducing paste. Malden’s pornographers are similarly relieved. All is well with the world.