Honest Stories From the Heart of a Confused, Anxiety-Ridden Catholic

Blessings and Beauty: Day 41

Today I think I am beautiful. God created me. Everything about me is special and purposeful. I am slowly drawing nearer and nearer to this truth, though it has taken some time for me. For the past few days I have been hyper-aware of the things that are messages from God in my life. I have never heard the actual voice of God, as an audible sound. I used to think that if God really wanted me to talk to him and really wanted me to believe in his presence, he would say something: literally say something. A few months ago, I read a quote that went something like this:

I can’t say for sure that those are the exact words that I read, but they are close. It took some time for me to realize that this applied to my expectations for God himself. I was looking for something obvious and different from mundane life. When I found nothing, I was discouraged. Then one day I realized the timing of everything in my life was too perfect. I took notice of the new people in my life that were centered on God. It was an obvious sign, just not the one I was expecting to receive. God comes to me in mundane life in ways that speak to my brain on a personal level. I see God in things that only I would think to look for God in. He knows how to communicate with me with the highest efficiency, I just had to learn that way for myself before I could find him. I love that. I love that relationship.

I am beautiful because He created me. I am beautiful because he gave me red hair and an equally feisty personality. I love myself. I really do. I love how I dress and how I speak. He created me and he forgives every one of my mistakes. How could I not love a piece of His creation? Even if sometimes I feel worthless and small, it is always in the back of my mind that he shaped me from dust and sometimes I will feel like just dust. Then I will realize that, even though I am dust, I am also a creation. I am his masterpiece. I am his canvas. He gave me my willpower and my obsessive nerdiness. He knows exactly who I will become one day, but he is watching me make my decisions right now with such interest. I love Him and I love myself because of that. I am magic. I am beautiful.