October 30, 2015

I have a spider living behind the side mirror of my car, passenger side. She's one of those insects with a meaty-thorax. Not that I'm fat-shaming, it just makes her slightly less intimidating than the spindly leg types.

I tried to kill her once. She rolled back between the edges of the mirror and I hit the electronic rotator, wishing her the best in the next life and apologizing for being such an asshole human. She survived and earned my respect. This is a perfect example of how I've opened space in my life for things that make me uncomfortable. Can I allow this? Can I be OK? Plus I figured it was kind of cool to be a Scream Queen rolling with her own creepy crawly.

For many reasons, I have pursued stability and security. I believed in this ideal picture where everything would be known and still and then I would be happy. I would achieve perfection. Life has a very different idea for me.

This has been a year with no safety nets, no assurances. I am occupying the grey areas, living up in the air, trying to breathe through passing moments. It is everything that terrifies me and I have never felt more alive.

I've been trying to articulate how I could possibly be so happy with all of this insecurity and flux, and then I discovered the perfect passage...

"It must be obvious, from the start, that there is a contradiction in wanting to be perfectly secure in a universe whose very nature is commentaries and fluidity.

But the contradiction lies a little deeper than the mere conflict between the desire for security and the fact of change. If I want to be secure, that is, protected from the flux of life, I am wanting to be separate from life.

Yet it is this very sense of separation which makes me feel insecure."

- Alan Watts, The Wisdom of Insecurity

We've all heard the cliché bumper-sticker slogans of "change is the only constant," but I had never before considered the experience of uncertainty as the marker of participation, as the very quality of life. This is some Brene Brown lean-in shit.

And I have to admit, my pursuit for something tangible has really been a desire to side-step the experience of life and I have suffered as a result, so has my creative work, my relationships, my daily experience... it's all connected. Which brings me back to my spider lady friend. Each morning I awake to her masterful creations, only to watch the wind tear it apart by the time we get to work. Each night, she tries again. She expands the web, changes her tactics, she even started building in the direction of the wind. Fucking brilliant little beast. Has she caught anything significant? Hard to tell. Everything is so impermanent, but she continues to create.

She doesn't question whether it's all worth it, if her webs have meaning. She's not likely to survive or mate, but she has opened this human's eyes to the magnificence and beauty of a creative force that lives in even the tiniest of creatures.

There are teachers all around us, if we only take a moment to realize it.

October 9, 2015

The Federal Election is quickly approaching and some scary shit is going down that can only be interpreted as a manipulative tool to prevent young people from voting. For that reason, I've joined the #ImaSexyVoter Campaign, talking about SEX and TURN ONs to shamelessly grab your attention so you'll VOTE on October 19, 2015. Watch the video...

I had a wake-up call this year. While I was focusing on my career and travelling to new places, perpetuating the "Canadians are really fucking nice" identity on the international stage, I was shocked to get the news that the United Nations is concerned about Canada - failing to act on the epidemic of missing and murdered aboriginal women, failing in our ability to respond to the refugee crisis and Bill C-51, our anti-terror law. I didn't realize how the rest of the world has begun to see us. It's time for a dramatic change.

I don't care if you're sipping on my Orange Crush. I'm invigorated by political debate and a difference of opinion, but I think we can all agree that scandal, manipulation, and the recent racism and violation of human rights from the Conservative Party is not part of our bigger picture. Stephen Harper won by a very slim margin last election with 9.3 million Canadians – 38.6% of voters - not casting a ballot at all. Let's not let this happen again.

The I'm a Sexy Voter campaign will be released over the next few days. It's light-hearted fun with a dash of way too much information that is slightly embarrassing, but oh well! These videos are meant to be shared on-line to counteract the cuts the Conservatives made to Elections Canada. Please join in on the campaign, use the #Imasexyvoter hashtag and vote on October 19. Because being a citizen of the world is really sexy.

October 6, 2015

It's my birthday. I'll ask for Bats if I want to. Today is Day 6 of the #ScreamQueenHalloween challenge on instagram. Your mission, should you choose to accept, is to draw me some birthday bats. Cuz they're the cutest.

Next week is going to be a challenge! Dinner Macabre (I suggest you go here to get ideas of what to do with your Canadian thanksgiving meal), a Blood Bath, Contacting the Dead... jump into the challenge at any time! Click here for details and don't forget to use the #ScreamQueenHalloween hashtag!

October 1, 2015

GOD I love OCTOBER! The caramel latte is back, my birthday is coming up and soon, everyone will be hanging BATS from their house and digging up graves in the front yard. The countdown to Halloween starts now, which means this is the first day of the #ScreamQueenHalloween Instagram Photo Challenge! I hope you will all play along and get your creative juices flowing!