Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm not sure when this meme actually takes place, I guess Fridays, but this is the first I've heard about it.

I could write a book about all of my life experiences (and I plan to!) but one that has shaped who I am today is what I'm going to reveal to you today.

When I was 17 & not in a healthy place in my life, doing things I should not be doing, I was raped by someone I knew. A man who was 51. I had known him for over a year, when I used to be with my first daughter's father, he was our neighbor. This person was short, and skinny, but unfortunately, I couldn't get away from him. I tried 3 times but to no avail.

We hung in the same circle. I left there confused, angry, hurt, and deeply depressed. I didn't know what to do. I called my best friend at the time, and she convinced me to go to the hospital. Worst part is, I was at this guy's house waiting for a guy I had been seeing. He had stopped by earlier in the evening, and said he would be back, but he never came back. When I called him after talking to my best friend, hoping he would "take care of it", he told me if I went to the police, to not mention anything about him. I didn't want to go to the police. I knew this person. It wasn't like we were friends, but as I said, we shared friends.

While I was at the hospital, the police did come (of course) as well as a representative from our local Sexual Assault Resource Center. They did the exam and the police took the report. I went to the police department for questioning and told my side of the story.

They went to his house, took everything as evidence, combed the mattress, took my clothing.

And I didn't hear back from them for a YEAR.

A year later I was pregnant (about 5 months pregnant) when they showed up where I was living, telling me they finally had the results from the tests and would I agree to press charges? See, they had been wanting to get this guy on numerous things but never could. Now they wanted me to get him for this.

I was like, where were you for the last year? I've put this behind me, dealt with it, and now I'm about to have another baby. I can't go through this again. In the past year, I had had people threatening me - those who were "friends" of him and I thought I was lying. They thought my "boyfriend" did it and I was blaming this other guy. I had people knocking on my door, yelling at me and threatening me. No one believed me.

I could NOT endure that again. So I told the police No.

I've seen that guy maybe twice since it happened, and I stopped dealing with all of those people who thought I was a liar. But, it still effects me today because this person has TONS of family where I live. I have to avoid most of them.

I was beaten by a few guys I used to go out with and I never called the police. I was never the type to get the law involved, they somehow make it worse.

I also could not get up on that stand and have them rip me to shreds. It's a shame how when a woman is raped, they blame her - why were you there? Why are you wearing that? You're asking for it! etc. etc. etc.

I've been dealing with that demon for years, and I take comfort in knowing that God will vindicate me. That man will get what is coming to him! And in time, all of those who thought I was lying, will know the truth.

Thank you for taking the time to read my Mommy Confession. This was hard to write, but since it's been over 14 years, it's easier than it used to be to talk about it.

Sorry to hear about what you have had to deal with, people should never have to deal with awful things, but in the world we live in it seems inevitable. I am glad that you have worked through it and have become a strong woman.

WOw, I'd think you def need to see a counselor or something...that's too much to deal with! I have been raped as well. I put it behind me for a long time. I finally dealt with it. I have seen the guy once since at a bar. He acted like he didn't even know who I was. I left shortly after I saw him.