10 Conversations NOT to Have Around a Pregnant Woman

But it seems that lately I have noticed how inappropriate certain conversations are when they are being held in the company of a very pregnant woman. Of course, I can’t exactly tell people to STOP talking about the things they enjoy talking about. But maybe I can suggest to the general public that, when you are standing around a woman with a ginormous belly bump who is desperately clenching her belly while a five pound creature does jumping jacks in her uterus, it would be best to veer away from specific subjects.

So.. ta da!… here is my list of TEN conversations you should NOT have around a very pregnant woman:

Conversations about how much your abs are killing you from the intense workout you did yesterday.

Conversations about that amazing, child-free, month-long vacation on a faraway island you and your significant other are planning.

Conversations about skinny jeans.

Conversations about your unbelievable, very frequent, sex life.

Conversations about perfect bladder control.

Conversations about how you enjoy turning the presidential debates into drinking games.

Conversations about how much your paper cut has been bothering you for the last two days.

Conversations about how hot you will look in your sexy Big Bird Halloween costume.

Conversations about what a horrible winter we are going to have, and how likely we are to get transportation-halting snowstorms that will prevent easy travel to hospitals.

Conversations about the deliciousness of sushi and unpasteurized cheese.

Of course, there are many non-taboo subjects that are perfectly fine for conversation around an enormously pregnant woman. Here is just a sampling of “green light” topics:

Conversations about how fun it is to babysit for newborns.

Conversations about how going to the movies/going out to dinner/going to the theater is incredibly overrated.

Conversations about how LESS sleep is actually better for us than MORE sleep.