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Livin'
With The Sims
theAntiELVIS explores the wild and wacky world that is Will Wright's The Sims,
asking the inevitable quesiton, "is The Sims the first step toward a virtual
life where everyone is Swedish?"

Vol.
2, Issue 6
December 17, 1999

he
Digital Revolution is upon us, baby. Turn on, plug in, and warp
out. Say goodbye to the loved ones around you and hello to a whole
new world of virtual companions. Let your body atrophy into skin
and bones as your net-self thrives and grows into a digital-consuming
cyberbeast.

Virtual
Reality is just around the corner. Many will argue that its
already here, but as far as Im concerned, it aint
here until were hooking the net right up to our neural pathways.
And Im all for it. I want to see the internet through my
eyes, hear it through my ears, touch, taste, smell it through
my senses. I want it to be so real that you cant distinguish
it from the real world.

You think
perhaps The Matrix has had some influence on me? Yeah probably,
but I wrote my first short story about Cyberspace 8 years ago.
In it, the characters used Life Coffins to house their bodies
while they plugged in to the net. Nobody ventured out onto the
streets anymore. If something couldnt be done in Cyberspace,
then it wasnt worth doing. Simulated Experts fought for
their freedom while corporations bought and sold them like slave
labor.

Oh good
grief, Rads slipped off the deep end again.

Maybe.
Maybe not. In this weeks Down The Pipe Im going to
focus on the reasons why I cant wait for the real Virtual
Reality to hit us.

In Cyberspace
there is no travel time. I can go to work instantly. I can hook
up with friends around the world in a heartbeat. I can order a
pizza in less time than it takes to decide what I want on it.
This is pretty substantial when you consider how much of your
daily routine involves going places and waiting in line. How much
time per day would you save? Also, consider this: I can step halfway
around the world and visit my cousins in Australia, and when their
kids start getting on my nerves, I can be gone in an instant.

No more
physical violence. Now you gotta think about this one, and yes
Im still talking about the future Cyberspace where we plug
the net right into our brains. Gaming violence is still around,
because thats still fun and by then well have proven
it doesnt really affect us. But physical violence wont
be tolerated in much the same was as IRC abusers are banned from
chat rooms. You play nice or Ill show you the door. In Cyberspace
its not the size of your muscles that counts, its
the weight of your status.

Drink
a perfect brew of coffee every time, with no drawbacks! This works
kind of like the replicator on Star Trek. If something doesnt
taste exactly to your liking, just keep changing parameters until
it does. And drink as much of it as you want! No more worries
about tooth decay from all that sugar. No more worries about caffeine
poisoning. Drink and drink and drink. And if you do really want
that caffeine high? Well, just tell the computer to buzz you up.
Heck, it is plugged right into your brain, after all. But this
goes for all foods. While your body is sucking up some nutritious
sludge in the Life Coffin, you can stuff your face with the most
unhealthy foods your mind can dream up. Then you can do it again
tomorrow!