​UNSPORTSmanlike Conduct

BGR- Not everyone owns or wants a smartphone… and there’s nothing wrong with that! Nonetheless, Gawker directs our attention to one insecure flip phone owner who recently asked Quora for advice on how to ask for women’s phone numbers on his flip phone without coming across like a loser. Happily, Quora is a much more civilized place than Twitter or the comments section of a YouTube video, so he got some fairly thoughtful responses.

​Whatever this kid chooses to do, he should never listen to the internet advice he is getting. Does he want the raw truth? There are only a select few types of people that still carry a flip phone. And none, man or woman, are all that appealing. We can start with old people. Grandparents are allowed to get away with flip phones. 'Early bird specials' don't require a 'Seamless' app. Grandma's arthritis will have a 'Hello' text on an iPhone looking like a Russian novel.

Then you have, well, for lack of better word, psychopath killers. Know where I see a ton of flip phones? 'Criminal Minds'. That show has more flip phones than the flagship showing of the Motorola RAZR . There are without question more flip phones in the world that are being used for criminal activity than not being used for criminal activity. Show me a burner phone that doesn't flip closed and I will show you an iPhone that's been in the sun too long.. The only reason to have a flip phone is to avoid the 9 inch blade in your pocket from scratching your iPhone screen.

“At the end of the day, don’t feel bad about it,” wrote one Quora user in response. “It is just a tool in our life. You cannot let people define who you are with your phone. You need to tell them. Pull out your phone with confidence and tell the story you want people to hear. You are the person who can control your personal brand, don’t let other people tell your story.”

Cute response lady. How hairy is your bush? Probably not worried about a smart phone because a high definition picture of your genitals would give sight back to Stevie Wonder only for him to pluck his eyes out moments later. Fortunately, you don't have to tell the story you want people to hear because your phone tells it for you. You are old, sad, broke, and alone. No, seriously. I still have an iPhone 5 and people look at me like I am I watching a fat back TV with bunny ear antennas. Your personal brand isn't determined by the psycho babble bullshit that comes out of your mouth. It's determined by how you market yourself. The same reason you generally take off your sweats and shower before you leave the house is the same reason to have a smart phone: So you don't look homeless.

Now if you do want to go the homeless route, hipsters are a fantastic option. Know what kind of people don't have smart phones? The same kind that don't have televisions. Enjoy that relationship. 4-5 dates of getting to know each other followed by pure unadulterated silence. There's only so many times you can listen to your white girlfriend talk about her dreadlocks and non-conformist attitude.

A smart man once said to me. " I don't care how you spend money. I want to know how you make money."

Know what else that smart man said? "I wish I could trade in some of this intelligence for money, pussy, and endless hours of Temple Run". Know what I know about this 'smart man'? That he is most definitely a man. If we are talking about chasing tail, women do not give a shit how you make your money, as long as you have it. Why do you think every single mob boss is swimming in tail? Because his mistresses think professional extortion is an honest day's work? Women don't care if you save kittens and work at a soup kitchen all day unless it is paying for apple-tinis and appetizers.

Don't do anything you can't afford. You are a young 20s guy. The girls inyour age group are, for the most part, attracted to older guys, or guys who are more materially stable.

If you can't afford a smart phone you can't afford any phone. Shit, you probably can't even afford to drink at a bar. At this point paying for flip phone accessories or more than 2 beers is more expensive than buying a bargain basement iPhone 1. I say this with your best interest in mind, if you can't afford a smartphone, kill yourself.