Tuesday, February 28, 2012

How Much For Your Daughters?

Good Morning, and welcome to Leap Blog day! I was lucky enough to snag Julie, of Feeding the Cat, for my first ever Guest Blogger. She's a very talented and funny artist from Australia. (Don't forget to go check out her blog!)

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I'm over here at Skwishee's place visiting - except she's over at my blog visiting me so I'm here, alone with her girls girls girls...

I brought toilet paper with me because everyone knows girls use a lot of toilet paper, don't they?. My SOB (Significant Other Being) used to complain incessantly that our kids used a lot of toilet paper - honestly! aren't there more important things to complain about? Why the obsession with toilet paper?

Our youngest and I went camping for a couple of weeks and when we returned SOB was like 'Huh! We hardly used a roll while you were away, it must be our youngest using all the precious stuff up!'

Then one day whilst taking a pee it hit me like a lump of four by two - it was I who caused increased consumption of said precious commodity. With a conservative estimate of approximately three times a day for number ones and once a day for number twos I was spending four times the tickets the boys with their penis shaking abilities. Ha! Having solved the crime I reported my findings to SOB who has never ever complained since.

Skwishee's house smells like it has girls living in it. When I walked in, I took a backward step in trepidation.

Everything seems soft. I feel as though I should behave differently here than I do at home. It's like being in a museum or art gallery, yet not like that at all. It's like I've re-discovered something long forgotten and I'm not sure what to do with it. It's exciting and scary at the same time.

After staring at their girly rooms like a stunned mullet and sniffing like a Labrador I let go, immerse myself in femininity and rediscover the little girl inside me....

I'm braiding their hair and showing them how to make a Barbie house by taking all the books out of the bookcase and making steps with the books to each floor of Barbie's new condo.

I'm playing air hostess (that's what they were called in the olden days) with them, but we can't seem to get past the board room conference where we are at loggerheads designing our new look from a number of uniform designs submitted by staff members.

I'm making cup cakes and decorating them with rainbow lollies but I can't seem to get away from the fact that mine always end up looking like breasts...

I'm having tea parties with all their toys and we've run out of pretty cups and saucers for all our guests and the tea which we made with brown chopped up crepe paper has spilled all over the carpet (lucky we didn't use real tea).

I really want to teach them how to draw penises but I don't think I'll have time this visit. It must have been something I wanted to be good at when I was a little girl, in Catholic primary school, because some of my old fairytale books have crude pencil marks in the front that could only be penises - maybe that's how I offended the god/s and ended up not having a girl.

The place is a mess after all the fun we've been having, and when Skwishee gets home I'm gonna be in big trouble but I don't care 'cause I've had a ball today or rather I haven't had any balls today and the following film clip has given me an idea for a business proposal I'd like to put to her...

This is Me:

I am a stay at home mum, a writer, and an artist. I've got three amazing little girls. Beege is 11, Keebee is 9, and Bean joined us in February 2016. They keep me on my toes and don't give me time for much else. They call me Mummy, but most people call me Jessica. Oh, Husband is around here somewhere too. (He's pretty awesome.)