Friday, March 1, 2013

I'm Not Not Murdering Anymore

Okay, please first read this if you are not familiar with it. Then you’ll know everything you need to know about my source of motivation.

Please understand that I am not trying to claim here that meat-eaters are murderers. (I don’t believe that simply because murder has to have intentionality behind it and most people who eat meat don’t do it intending to inflict violence: they do it out of habit and preference.) The point of this post is to explore the fundamental vapidity of moral relativism - a New Age-ready form of reasoning that tells us that, basically, everything is equally good - and the dangers of using amorphous and self-serving “cravings” as our baseline for how we conduct ourselves. Using moral relativism and cravings as our compass, what is to stop us from doing virtually anything we want just because we want to do it? Isn’t this how narcissists behave? At the worst, what about sadistic psychopaths? I changed one detail about the post I linked to above and it illustrates not only the absurdity of using moral relativism and cravings as the main justifications for our behavior, but also reveals just how willing we are to accept the enslavement of other animals. One (murder) is unthinkable and ghastly and the other (eating and using animals to our ends) is perfectly reasonable. Why?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and please enjoy...

Dear friends,

I am no longer not murdering.

While I am no longer not murdering, I still passionately believe in one’s right to not murder. I also believe, though, that murder can be done in a way that is personally honest and empowering. Not murdering is a wonderful way to live if you can do it. Your unique spirit is the only one that can decide if murdering is right for you or not. I am here to support you however you choose to live, either with or without murdering others.

Some of you may be upset or offended by what I am about to share but I am no longer interested in living in the shadows, of hiding when I should be living my truth and showing up in the Now as who I am.

Some may be angered.

I am tired of the deception and hiding in the shadows, though. So I am coming to you now, with a guileless, open heart. After accepting my cravings, I am killing people once again but this time I have no shame about it. My body spoke to me and I took a leap of faith.

I finally listened.

My Story

After a lifetime of killing people for kicks and grins, I realized that I just didn’t feel right about it anymore. It suddenly felt wrong. Innocent people deserved to live, right? Killing them was wrong, wasn’t it? This resonated with me, my values.

I wanted to do the right thing. I didn’t want to kill anymore.

So I tried to live without murdering others and for the first few years, it felt damn good to live this way. I could do this, I told myself. I felt clean, light, re-invigorated, righteous. The few pounds I wanted to lose, too, they just melted off.

I surrounded myself with other non-murderers. I read the books they recommended. I created my own path. I was thriving and I no longer felt the urge to stalk, kill and dance in anyone’s blood. I was a success story.

I started a business where I consulted others on how they could limit murdering and eventually give it up entirely. I wrote books, was featured on Oprah.

I was a true believer. I’d found my calling. It was in not murdering.

The Uprising

As I said, not murdering felt good for a while. But then something shifted.

I started fantasizing about punching people in the face. I ignored it, tried to push it down. The more than I did that, though, the more the feelings rose to the top.

Suddenly, I didn’t want to just punch anyone anymore.

My friends who were still murderers would tell me stories about their exploits. I was horrified and disgusted but also, I was ashamed to admit, titillated. Would it be so bad if I just cut someone and ran away? If I just shot someone’s leg?

I did that (in the shadows, fearful that my non-violent friends would see me) and for a while it kind of subdued the cravings but then one day, it just wasn’t enough. I knew the answer. My body was telling me but I was covering my ears.

But I was a non-murderer. This felt right.

And yet...

Day and night, my body told me, KILL. I couldn’t silence it.

I hid my secret cravings from myself, from my family and clients. My whole life and identity was wrapped around being a non-murderer.

I immersed myself in Gandhi, in the great non-violence texts. I prayed. I meditated. I did colonics. I drank green juices. Meanwhile, the weight began piling on.

Nothing worked.

Finally, one night, I had my first kill. It was the first time in years. A wild-caught person; I’d done enough research to be assured that he’d had a good life up until that moment.

And it felt sooooooo good.

The Non-Murdering Ideal

I had finally given in to my cravings even though they conflicted with my self-image as a practitioner of non-murder. I noticed, too, that many of my clients were starting to come forward as people who still enjoyed indulging in the occasional murder. I was not alone.

They believed in peace and non-violence.

They cared about compassionate living.

They wanted to feel self-acceptance despite their cravings.

They weren’t thriving as non-murderers, though. Despite the books, despite their ideals, their bodies were crying out for something and their bodies were being denied.

They were ashamed. They felt like failures as non-murderers.

Knowing how right and good it felt for me to be murdering again, I guardedly began coaching them to listen to that ancient echo in their soul that was unsatisfied from suppressing their craving to murder.

I told them that it was okay.

I listened. I accepted them without judgement.

My clients began to relax. They no longer beat themselves up over their body’s innermost cravings. Once the veil of shame lifted, they were able to love and embrace themselves as a whole again. They were allowed to consciously murder again, no longer hiding in the shadows, and not worry about being “bad people” anymore. They felt lighter and more integrated immediately. Most lost weight.

The Hardest Part

Even though many of my clients are humanitarians who are dedicated to human rights causes, it wasn’t that hard for them to start killing again. The hardest part for them was the shame. They weren’t living the “non-violence ideal.”

I felt their pain as I related to their struggles.

And it made me guard the secret of my double-life more closely.

I told no one of my cravings for stabbing, shooting, bludgeoning and choking.

Even as I was helping my clients to embrace the perfection and wisdom of their murderous cravings, telling them that anything we want to do is beautiful simply because we want to do it, teaching them about self-acceptance and self-love even as they killed others...

...I was hiding my own truth. I was a murderer again, too. And I liked it.

Coming Out of the Closet

Slowly, I began to see my cravings and practice of murder through a new lens.

Killing wasn’t immoral or wrong.

It just was.

The sky is blue. My house has wood floors. My dog is a poodle. I am a killer.

I am perfect as is.

I came to see that there is no good or evil; our cravings are a gateway to our physical truth. Murderers, non-murderers: it is allinherently good.

Still, even knowing this, I was afraid of what my non-killing friends, followers and clients - what YOU - would think about this new me. I was afraid of losing the reputation and success I’d built for myself as a non-murderer.

Would you be angry? Would you feel betrayed?

Living in the shadows was wrecking my nerves and self-esteem. I was terrified of being “outed.” In truth, I was slowly being suffocated by the weight of my secret.

Today is that Day

Today, I throw back the curtains.

I am a murderer again. And I make no apologies.

What I Believe

I believe that you can kill someone who doesn’t want to die and do it from a place of love and kindness. I believe that this can be done while still caring for and honoring your victim.

I believe that absolutist beliefs - like that killing others is wrong - are destroying us.

I believe that you can love and care for people and still kill them.

I believe that not honoring a craving is a form of violence against the self.

I believe that not murdering is a wonderful, joyous and valid style of living for most people.

I believe that not murdering should be promoted as one path to peace and non-violence, among others.

I believe that most people should be killing less and letting more people live if they wish to live.

I believe that humans have murder as part of their history and denying this is not doing anyone any good.

I believe that when we kill others, they should be people who were raised in comfortable, humane surroundings and free of antibiotics and growth hormones.

And I believe in compassion and the innate kindness of people. By accepting and loving each other, we will find a place where those of us who choose to murder can do so without society’s finger-wagging. By doing so, we will be actively creating a world that has a new culture of shamelessness and beauty even with murdering others as a part of it.

A culture and a world that is free of shame.

I am still passionately dedicated to helping people find their true selves, whether they murder or don’t murder. There is a place for each of you, and this place is one of radical self-acceptance.

Phew.

Breathe.

Don’t we all feel better now? I am cultivating a place where murder and non-violence can exist side-by-side without judgement. They are equally good.

As always, contact me if you’d like to sign up for my free newsletters or to learn about my seminars, webinars, personal coaching sessions, celebrity cruises or to join me on an actual Murder Mystery Tour.

75 comments:

I too have cravings. I got up today and went to aqua aerobics, but that wasn't what my body was craving. I wanted to stay in bed all day and eat cake in bed. And then fall asleep and then wake up and eat chocolate. And go and watch a bit of TV and then go back to bed.

Surely my body is trying to tell me that exercise is bad for some humans. And all that chlorine in the water is so artificial. I desperately need to listen to my body and not listen to exercise zealots.

Marla - please. You don't have to kill your neighbor just for her shovel. Perhaps you can just borrow it? That said, if your body is telling you you MUST kill your neighbor, embrace it! I am SO proud of you!!

Thanks SO much for posting this! I too tried to heal myself and my community for years by not killing. But after years of resisting the urge, I have finally realized that to be healthy I need to kill or at least torture on a daily basis.

I have started living in the Maleo lifestyle. Our philosophy is that for humans to be happy and healthy, we should live like neanderthals and kill and beat each other all the time. I hope that others will join our community and realize the health benefits!

Her story really did sound this silly. It's interesting how she tries to convince us that she simultaneously does and does not value other animals. I find it disturbing how she wants to "help" other people not feel shame about hurting animals. To me it's clear she's seeking validation and extra cushion from the shame- not put on her by the vegan community (*eyeroll* spare me.) but from the natural disharmony she feels from participating in animal exploitation. Look- she is supported by 98% of the population, any shame she feels is from rejecting her own inherent values. But undermining the vegan community- the 2% of the population who are working toward a non-violent culture- that's a low blow.

These "coming out" stories used to infuriate me, I thought- they are supporting society's complacency as a means to reinstate their own. But really, I know the vegan movement is much stronger than that. The vegan population is growing and we have the truth on our side along with the very human value that the vast majority of us have, which is- it's not ok to exploit animals.

Oh, and I quit smoking cigarettes about 6 years ago. I still get cravings. The "my body craves it" thing is kinda silly. To say the least.

Vanilla Rose's servant adds, "When, oh when will people see that everything is alive? So, like, man, the whole concept of killing is stupid, because of the aliveness. Of the universe. Murderer, non-murderer, all meaningless labels. Only the truly enlightened can truly understand this."

If you recite a nice poem before you do the murdering, the murderee will understand that you value their life, as part of the whole wholeness of the universe and the cycles of life and death. They will then feel relieved that their sacrifice will not be in vain.

I am so grateful for this post! I too was a non-murderer for a while and it just didn't work for me. There are so many of us waiting to embrace you if those crazy non-murderers are harsh on you. We will accept you for who you really are- a murderer. I kill tons of people a day-- in fact, some days I don't do anything else, and I am the epitome of self health! My muscles are super strong from all of the beating and chopping, and I have the endurance of husky. I am so much healthier now than I was during my days of not killing people. I feel free and happy. Best of all, I haven't been ashamed in years. The only thing is, lately, I've been getting these really strong cravings to rape someone. I think I'll explore that next. Gotta listen to what your body needs!!

This is brilliant - exposes the 'original' for what it truly is - a bizarre (and badly written) attempt at justifying torture and killing. As if there can be any justification! Rock on vegans, we're truly 'living our truth' - or whatever that pathetic line is that Alex uses. xxx

Oh I forgot to say how proud I am of you, how courageous you are, how you speak for so many people living in fear and self-loathing, how much I applaud your BRAVERY for speaking your truth and standing up to those are insane enough to think that murdering is wrong. You know what will happen - those insane judgmental MILITANT non-murders might just say that they disagree with you. Well that just proves how insane and judgmental and unethical they are! Live your truth murderer and don't let anyone stand in your way!

Vanilla Rose's servant adds, "The sky is blue. Even when it looks black, it is blue. Alex's dog is a poodle. A tasty, tasty poodle. Actually, Alex herself looks tasty. Cannibals should probably eat her. I passionately believe that cannibals must follow their hearts."

Good for you, Marla!!! I think we all need to eat what our bodies are telling us to eat!! It's time we listened to the wild calls of our spirit & body. I got tired of holding out on what my body needed and now I give it what it wants and that's drywall! I will no longer deny my body what it's craving. Oh, and lead-based paint.

Vanilla Rose wakes up and asks if it is lunchtime. Vanilla Rose adds, "I hear that God has decided to rescind those pesky ten commandments. He now agrees that people should do exactly what they crave, and takes full responsibility for implanting the cravings in them in the first place. Nothing is good or bad any more, and God regrets having ever suggested otherwise."

This is great, although I agree with Sayward that you should have gone with the triple spacing

for that

certain

semi-literate adolescent diary

je ne sais quoi.

As I've said elsewhere the thing that makes me craziest about the moral neutrality "argument" of Jamieson's non-apologia is its fundamentally specious foundation, which goes to great lengths to ignore certain uncomfortable and problematic factors. For Ms Jamieson and her cheerleaders it may be the difference between ordering salmon or "salad with tofu" (and I can't be the only one who thinks she might need a new "favorite restaurant") but for the salmon it's a very different matter. And it is precisely this willful intellectual and ethical blindness that would be wholly unacceptable if applied to anything else. Can you imagine a universe in which a chorus of people would greet the following statement with gleeful approbation about how great it is for the writer to "live their truth"?

"I began to see my desire to have get drunk, steal things, beat up elderly and disabled people and have sex with children below the age of consent from a different angle.

It wasn’t immoral or wrong.

It just was."

Exactly. So thanks again for taking the time to do such a beautiful and hilarious job of illustrating the ethically hollow solipsism at the center of Ms Jamieson's "truth."

Marla,First time on your blog. This was great! I too have always questioned this subservience to cravings. At least using it as a bottomline justification for any action. And really, we have such a "lets not make anyone feel... bad!" culture here. No challenge for people to reflect upon themselves. We've gone into a hypersensitive extreme... one of self-indulgence which negates sensitivity to the suffering of others. One for the self over one for all other beings.

Hilarious!! I was just cracking up at work. That's really what it sounds like when people think that if they state things in a calm and reasonable manner, they must be logical and true. such bullllllll!

I get agitated when I see this vegan supremacy attitude. It actually turns me off totally. Some of the most horrible people I have ever met have been vegan and they claim moral superiority for their choices. The fact is, some people can't go 100% vegan, be it medical issues, money, or lack of certain foods in their area. I mean I have to admit, my food bill has gone up drastically when I stopped eating meat vs when I have. This is like a gay vs straight, or a pro life vs pro choice issue. A moral issue. It should be between a person, and their morals. To say my morals are better than yours so you are bad, while telling a little girl to kill herself for having a hamburger, yet the little girl who ate the hamburger would do anything to help others, including animals...shows the same superiority complex that anti gays say. I am not gay and those who are are morally bad, and therefore I am superior to them. Meanwhile the gay person is helping in the community, and the bigot is committing hate crimes, or the abortion protester who is against murdering of babies claims moral superiority over the woman who had an abortion, while the woman is helping counsel children and the protesters are bombing and shooting up clinics, all in the name of moral superiority. Let people make their choices. Teach them a different way, but do not berate them or make fun of them, or try to make others feel like less than a person. You will only succeed in turning them further away from the cause. This is a matter of personal belief and yes, the way animals are treated is horrifying. So why not try to stop what they are doing by asking meat eaters to change what they buy? You will get more change working with them than against them.

It's bull shit. 13 years there is no way they would crave meat anymore. Not a chance. They would know all the solutions after 13 years. And know how to do them. Unless they lived under a rock there is just no way they would do this. They would know it was low carbs or a craving for salt. Or some mineral. As with everything if you crave something you are not eating enough of something. It could have been fat, eating to little fat, by that I mean next to none. There is thousand reasons why this happens. If she had been vegan for this time and actually talking to vegans, than she would know this. So... point is there is no way that is real. Unless the person is blind. She should of had blood levels tested, see what she was low in and why her body was craving what it was, and finding a solution. And eating more carbs.

Marla, I actually don't think she did this for cynical reasons (not getting enough vegan clients). Of course, I don't know her, so I may be wrong. I say this, though, because I am working on a master's degree in nutrition, and one of my past instructors and at least 2 fellow students used to be vegan, and all three sincerely believe they biologically NEED to eat animal protein. They all believe their bodies were craving animal protein because they were missing some nutrient or something that they are incapable of getting from vegan sources. I am skeptical that their health really demands they eat animal protein; at the same time, I believe they sincerely believe it does. Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed your posting, and tend to agree with Laura Melanie Stein that the truth is, they simply want to eat meat.

I don't admire her truth because she wasn't telling the truth, truth speaking should be baseline, and lastly, she tries to relieve her guilt of killing by making all her readers her virtual confession box.

We aren't her priests. I do not absolve her. No hell merries will save all the billions of lives she promotes killing for the her liberal feel good movement, and more importantly, the lining of her pockets.

What a tool that person is. What a wanna be martyr. What a fraud. Just another foodie phoney who only cares about humans.

She is a speciesist wanker. I really hope she goes flat broke and loses everything for making money off the REAL victims for so long only to betray them now.

Tamara the ONLY supremacists in this world are HUMANS who think that others are below them, and servile.

You simply cannot argue that to eat, use or wear others, is wrong for some and not wrong for all. This is simply not possible. Either using others is oppression, and wrong for all, or it is not oppression.

There is zero place for excuses when it comes to needless abuse and murder. Zero.

It's sounds to me anyhow, that you comment out of guilt. Maybe you should go back to the fraud's page who shall, at least for my part, remain nameless.

Just my thoughts... I have a beautiful paid for home, a loving relationship with a good partner and a purposeful life... But if it required the bloodshed from innocent victims to continue living it - I'd have to vacate this place in no time flat.

I don't know if I'm able to be happy if I had to kill to live. It's in my core beliefs to think it's wrong to cause another's death. So I might survive if I had to... But it would be at a great loss to my personal values. Seems like a betrayal to one's self to live such a conflicted existence.

Needless to say - I'm happy that *this* body does fine without the need of the lives of others. But that's just me...

Of course there was bloodshed..I obviously don't know what your home is made of, but if it's wood it contributes to the death of trees and other plants, loss of habitat (which is a cruel sentence on animals), and certainly the deaths of animals (mammals, and if you care- thousands of insects). The impact is much the same if it the home is concrete, or alluminum, perhaps worse if it is vinyle because of the process effect on the planet. Again, I dont know how or where you live, but if you consume grains then you are a party to the murderous process of industrial agriculture. Churning under millions of small animals annually

My brother, a vegetarian for years, sadly, began eating meat in the past year. He's drinking the paleo kool-aid and using their BS rationalizations. With him, I see that it is truly about "I want to eat meat" rather than the nonsensical paleo logic about health and dietary needs he espouses.

What I found telling was how he described feeling better taking a B vitamin supplement. This was before he began eating meat. Telltale sign that he was not eating healthy as a vegetarian. And then I thought, he never did know how to really cook. It was all haphazard for him. Pretty much a SAD version of a veg diet. But now he blames the veg diet even though it was clearly his own choices. Then you hear all this "craving" nonsense.

Brilliant, Marla. It was hard for me to avoid throwing up while reading Jamieson's blog. Her self-serving clap trap about how we all need to be warm and fuzzy instead of being judgmental. Funny how people like her always seem to think that sophistry can trump truth.

As I was reading her stupid blog, I couldn't help thinking about what's-his-name...the guy who killed other people and then chopped them up for frozen entrees. I'm sure he was just fulfilling his "cravings" too.

I thoroughly enjoyed your paraphrase of Jamieson. I only hope she sees it and reads it.

As a vegan, I constantly second guess myself- Am I doing this right? Am I feeding my kids properly? I think it strikes a chord in us for that reason. I haven't seen anyone mention just how good it is for you to stay vegan, that there are many vegans that have been doing it for many many years and are healthy and thriving, and will not develop heart diseases and many types of cancer. I feel bad for her, that she felt she had to give in- she will always have to talk herself through every steak..because she knows better.

"While it's true that many animals are killed due to conventional agriculture techniques, it's quite clear that being vegan reduces the amount of land used, habitat destroyed, and wildlife displaced. It's also clear that vegans aren't intentionally killing animals for unnecessary reasons, such as our palate pleasure or our culinary traditions. And that's an important distinction. Just because we can't avoid all harms to others (given institutional circumstances beyond our individual control), that doesn't give us permission to participate in intentional and unnecessary violence and killing. For example, we know from statistical analysis that when we build roads, many people will die on those roads, but we don't use that as an excuse to intentionally drive over pedestrians. If animals die incidentally in the production of vegan foods, then the proper solution is to improve the production processes—not to go kill animals intentionally."-Timothy Putnam

To be fair on Tamara, she does have a point that it can be hard to go vegan if a person is on a very low income or has health problems which make them reliant on others for food shopping or cooking. To that extent, I see what she means.

However, none of this applies to the person being criticised by Marla.