Silly? Childish? Irritating? Well, yes... but who's to say that there isn't excellence in every field?

1 Bob the Builder: Can We Fix It? (2000)

It's no exaggeration to say that much of Bob The Builder's success as a programme was down to a cracking theme tune. The ready-made fanbase meant that 'Can We Fix It?' was bound to be a hit, but it boasted production values that no children's TV theme had known since the heady days of The Wombles. Much of its appeal was down to Neil Morrissey having a thoroughly decent singing voice. Indeed, heard away from the telly, on a child-appeasing car compilation, his oddly soulful depictions of camaraderie in the workplace were rather moving - at least if you allowed yourself to forget that he was singing about his friendship with some slightly camp road maintenance vehicles.

2 Paul Mccartney And The Frog Chorus: We All Stand Together (1984)

'Play the game/Fight the fight/But what's the point on a beautiful night?' Three heartfelt minutes in an otherwise sloppy decade for Macca. Clearly those old Rupert annuals meant a lot to him - although recent interviews in which he admitted he was taught to kill toads when a cadet suggest this may have acted as a kind of belated apology.

3 Splodgenessabounds: Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps Please (1980)

It's a mantra we have all forlornly repeated as last orders approach and the bar staff appear not to even register your existence. Note how the will to live gradually drains away from Max Splodge's voice as the song nears its conclusion. Lest we forget, the B-side to this was called 'Michael Booth's Talking Bum'.

4 Bobby Mcferrin: Don't Worry, Be Happy (1988)

A perfect example of how a song can be stupid and profound at the same time. McFerrin lists a number of unfortunate predicaments but offers no word of advice on how to solve them. Instead, he just commands you to accept the present in order to deal with the future - while at the same time making funny noises with his diaphragm.

5 No Way Sis: I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing (1997)

Given that Oasis always had an ersatz air, there's little to distinguish the crunchy guitars on this sole release by these Scots chancers from the real thing - especially as this is the riff which the Gallaghers were sued for using on 'Shakermaker'. Bizarre postscript: regular work in Saudi Arabia has made millionaires of them.

6 Falco: Rock Me Amadeus (1986)

Two years after Milos Forman's Amadeus, Falco brought his genius to bear on the life of Mozart. That he managed to compress into four breathtakingly over-the-top minutes what Forman took three hours to achieve is not to be sniffed at. Following up such arrant pop absurdity proved difficult, although his duet with Brigitte Nielsen, 'Body Next To Body', was a creditable attempt.

7 Joe Dolce: Shaddap You Face (1981)

Now resident in Australia, the Ohio-born Dolce was inspired to write this by childhood memories of his Italian mother. Two years later, Dolce returned with the slightly less inclusive 'You Toucha My Car, Breaka You Face'. Strangely, it didn't do as well.

8 Right Said Fred: I'm Too Sexy (1991)

Why do focus groups suck? Because no focus group in the world could ever tell you that a gay skinhead and his brother could reach Number One in the UK and US by listing a load of things for which they're 'too sexy'. Alas, they weren't too sexy for Bryan Adams, who kept them off the top spot for six weeks with his crap Robin Hood song.

9 Doop: Doop (1994)

Isolates the exact thing about big band music that makes it menacing, in the process creating a whole new strain of lysergic terror with it. On 1993's 'Didgeridoo', The Aphex Twin managed to achieve a similar effect with aboriginal pipes - to considerably great critical acclaim. But then he wasn't Dutch.

10 Jilted John: Jilted John (1978)

In which the future John Shuttleworth articulated a truth that most teenagers have to square up to at some point. Good-looking girls don't care how clever you are if you've got a face like a car crash. Such was the popularity of Jilted John's refrain, 'Gordon is a moron', that it prompted (the unrelated) Julie and Gordon to release flop riposte 'Gordon's Not A Moron'.

Speaking of Nickelback, there was a link about two months ago that had "Someday" play out of the left speaker and "This is How You Remind Me" out of the right.

The sounds synched up exactly. Even the pitches, rises and drum crescendos were the same. Talk about your cookie cutter music.

Logged

Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, let me forget about today until tomorrow.