So I have this colleague at work who I am pretty sure is single, and I am curious to see if she is interested in a possible FWB/fuck buddy arrangement. I am currently in an open relationship and she knows about my gf, so I'm just wondering if anyone has some ideas about how I could potentially approach her about it in a way that wouldn't make things awkward at work if she wasn't down with it or make her less likely to accept on account of my gf. I would definitely have to do this somewhere outside of work, my company has very strict HR policies. She is pretty laid back and makes sexual jokes at work sometimes, so I am not worried about her getting mad or upset, I just want to do it in a somewhat casual, almost passive way. Open to ideas! Thanks.

12-06-2011, 01:49 AM

Attract3000

Have you seen the movie "Friends With Benefits"? There's a scene in there right before they have sex when they are on the couch talking about sex, relationships, and dating, and they both really agree with each other's views and beliefs. You should watch that to get an idea of how to indirectly gauge her interest. Get on a conversation with her about dating, open relationships, friends with benefits and that sort of thing, what you wanna do is get to a point where she is agreeing with your views and you guys find yourself on the same page. The next logical thing would simply be to ask her out.

12-06-2011, 06:54 AM

Triple S

Don't do it. It will end badly no matter what, she might get attached or she might feel insulted at this, especially since she knows you have a gf, even if it is an open relationship. Don't try to game anyone at work, ever, no matter what the situation, don't do it, it's not worth the trouble it could bring.

12-06-2011, 07:08 AM

sdnightfly

If you hang out with her outside of work, you can find that out. You can't just assume that because someone talks about sex, they're thinking of it being with a co-worker. it's "mature conversation" stuff, maybe inappropriate for the workplace, but could just be her sense of humor. Female co-workers used to say some sexually explicit stuff around me but they just wanted to see how I'd react. I knew I could have gone out with a couple of co-workers but it was all "new to the gang" stuff as far as I was concerned. I already had friends there prior to working there, so some of them knew me. I didn't want workplace romances because I A: hate gossip, B: hate drama, and C: seasonal jobs are great for hookups because it's a short timeline.

Best thing to do is hang out with different co-workers at different times, either in groups or one on one, but if you're hanging with different people socially, no one calls HR on you, even if things escalate.

But having a girlfriend, I'd have to say if you're on the rocks with her, then when people ask "how are you and your girlfriend doing", just do a short laugh and go "not so great lately.," and when they press for details, just go "seeing what happens right now." hints that you're about to move on. Usually a hint of a rocky relationship perks the interest up of women.. either they were waiting for you to be single, or want to see if they can help out.

12-06-2011, 07:19 PM

tacoman1287

Yeah I mean my gf and I are just fine, we are in an open relationship sexually. It's not like I neccesarily think this girl at work is interested just because she is comfortable with innuendo. She does seem to talk to me about more personal matters more than to other people, but it's still too early to interpret if this has specific intentions. I just need an idea for how to test the waters and see if she would be interested in a casual sex relationship. What makes it tough is figuring out how to approach it in a way that she wouldn't feel like a home wrecker; and more importantly, that if she wasn't cool with it, which is a very real possibility, it wouldn't create tension/awkward interaction at work.

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12-07-2011, 06:04 AM

smoothoperator1

What's the advantage of an open relationship?

12-07-2011, 06:40 AM

Triple S

smooth, an open relationship is basically a relationship in which both patner agree that they can sleep with other people. There might be some rules or not, but basically they can sleep with other people with the other's full consent. As for the OP, again it doesn't matter what the end game is, this is a work colleague and it's too risky for the rewards. If you were pushing for a traditional relationship, that might be hard, but as a FWB? I just think you should not go there, just because you can sleep with other girls doesn't meant you should sleep with every single one that crosses your path.