LINKS TO THE PORT MANTEAU OF HORROR

Sunday, August 24, 2014

REVIEW: Rosemary's Baby (NBC Miniseries) - How To Copy a Good Movie and Make a Shitty Remake

I feel obligated to warn you guys, so that's the only reason I'm writing this one up. I try to avoid listing products that I find completely without merit, but from time to time a title warrants a "Do Not Enter" sign. Thus is the case with the NBC miniseries Rosemary's Baby.

In the simplest terms this is a long winded, ineffective, poorly acted, worse visually effected, slap dash production that does not carry the presence or heart of the original picture while trying to capitalize on what worked in the original film. Unfortunately it doesn't work at all, and I try to give these things a shot. I don't want to damn it solely based on its realization of the original concept. With most remakes comparing them to the original is a bad idea. Often the original picture is superior in our mind regardless of what a remake might bring to the table due to nostalgia. In this instance I think it's downright important for the viewer to do so because it is nearly the same movie but set in France with a few scenes added to flesh out the story to increase its runtime to three fucking hours. It contains none of Polanski's style, none of Mia Farrow's naivete or eventual viscious nature as protective mother. The music sucks.The whole thing feels like a soap opera turned horror movie but devoid of all effect and power.Casting was completely wrong for Roman Castavet. May whatever deity you believe in have mercy on the casting director's soul.

Spoiler: The fucking end scene, the one with "the eyes". They got it all wrong. THEY SHOW THE GODDAMN EYES! And they're blue with some sort of um... something? And they look kinda normal anyway.

Synopsis from NBC:

Set in present-day France, Rosemary’s Baby centers on a young married couple that escapes New York and moves to Paris with hopes of leaving their sad past behind. After a series of unfortunate events, Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse are presented with an offer they can't refuse – an apartment at the most prestigious address in the city. Problem is, it comes with a haunted past, and an immeasurable price.

I urge you not to buy this movie unlike most movies where I simply say, check it out, I could be wrong. I would also love to hear your positive opinions of this production if you have any. Maybe I missed something, but how could I since its essentially the original movie with added scenes, none of it adding value to the story.

From the bowels and brains of American International to the rib cage and eye sockets of Amicus, Doc Terror will write your eyes shut from the prehistory to the post apocalypse of horror.Doc Terror is a contributor to The Liberal Dead and The Dead Air Podcast.