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Life Isn’t All or Nothing? Hmmmm ... I Didn’t Get That Memo ~ Can You Resend?

Thursday, May 8, 2014

As many of you know, I have a lot of different things I’m juggling in my life right now (because I don’t know how to say no….), and I’m a control freak…..but I’m not ready to talk about that…. We all also know that behind every over extended control freak is a person who is struggling to appear to have their shit together and that others only see what ‘said’ person (let’s say me, just for fun), present to the world. And currently it has become astoundingly clear to me that something has got to give.

Skin is my passion. I study it, love to treat it, extract it, laser it and love everything about helping people feel better about themselves. Being a part of their journey. I love the relationships I have developed with each and every one of my patients and for the past 7 years my skin care business has been a wild success. Besides being in clinic, I consult, train, mentor, write, take extensive continuing education classes and therefore….pretty much suck at everything else in my life. A friend made a comment to me after my last blog that I am an all or nothing person (totally knew that but denial is real) no in between. I like something or I hate it. I do something perfectly or it receives 0% of my time. It’s dead to me. My friend also said that part of life is enjoying the journey, that I should try that. Instead I go from I suck at yoga to I will be doing airial yoga in three weeks. Check. Then I will never do yoga again. Run? No I don’t run but I should try that too, but I’m going to skip the training and meet you at the marathon. Check. Got my sticker. Did I tell you I never knew what the 13.1 bumper stickers meant until I ran my first? I thought it was totally a radio station. You see by doing these things, I was convincing myself that I have a life outside of my profession. When people ask what I’ve been up too, I tell them, oh just half marathons and hand stands.

A career coach that I treat in my office recently approached me and asked if she could take me on as a study for a project she was doing. She would need to share all of our meetings and the work we do together with her professors, and in return I would get free coaching. Of course I will help, oh and you are welcome because I actually plan on writing your plan for you.

And then we had our first meeting, (not such good news….) remember I control EVERYTHING about my life. My day was about to unfold and there was not one thing about to go down that I was going to be able to control or decide how I wanted it to go. I thought my appointment was at 1:00 it was at 11:00. I realized that I forgot the address half way there. Siri, took me to a residential house instead of her office (Siri’s fault that time) I was so upset and stressed out about being late I had the air conditioner blasting and I was SO HOT. I looked down at that point and realized I am in my Ugg fur slippers. I have no shoes. Oh, and I forgot my homework packet that we are meeting to review. This is when I realized, sitting in my car, in my slippers, late and frazzled knowing that something had to give. Not my best moment ever. But now I totally laugh my ass off about it.

The appointment kind of turned into a therapy session. As I rambled on and on and on I remember thinking….should I be talking about these things? I am confused about what we are supposed to be talking about? Do childhood insecurities matter right now? Did she even ask me about this? Has she noticed I’m not wearing shoes? Does this woman still trust me with a laser to her face? And then I remembered…’be in the moment’. You are in this meeting to begin a process with her. Shut up, quit controlling the conversation, quit wondering what she’s writing about your obvious craziness in her file and enjoy the process.

So, here is what I really learned last Monday . I have a lot of balance I need to work on in my life. I’ve neglected everything but work and I’m going to change that. Today. Well, actually probably Friday. Actually, I still need to look at my calendar. As I left my appointment the last thing she said to me was , “You need to call your friends, I can tell you miss them, don’t ever neglect that part of your life.” I’m not sure which of you called her and told her I have been Crappy McCraperton in the friend department. But thank you, I deserve that. I have the most amazing friends and I miss them terribly and I’m going to fix that. In fact, last night I had dinner with a girlfriend I haven’t seen in nine months. I loved it and realize how much I needed it, how much I need her. I am making a commitment to do it often. (I know what many of you reading this are thinking….looking at you Kat, Maureen, Mariah, Cindy, Holly, Denise, well… let’s not totally embarrass me with a list, it’s kinda long.) I also hired an assistant and am going to only focus on what I really want to do and not the smaller stuff I drop the ball on anyways. And I still will be obsessive. My Yoga teacher said I will perfectly do the splits in 6 months and we all know better….it will be 3 weeks. But I will enjoy that 3 week process! See, I’m making some progress already. And I will still be the best skin girl that’s ever worked on you.