I started this blog because I like to journal and because my hands don't cramp up when I type versus when I use my incredible penmanship skills. So, read if you will, understand if you can, and laugh or cry spontaneously while absorbing what transfers from the tip of my brain to yours.

Friday, March 13, 2009

My Brother, John

Just kidding! not my brother John but more along the lines of the book of John. No, not my brother John's diary, but more like the disciple that Jesus loved, that John. Plus, my brother John does not have a diary... that I know of, and I pretty much know everything there is to know about John, my brother, so I would know if he had a diary. That's my material point.

My other material point (actually question) is as follows, sorta.

I just finished reading the book of John today and something has been both pleasing me and bugging me about this particular disciple. The pleasing part is that John believed Jesus and trusted him without any doubts, questions, or such. I think that is something that I struggle with, this trust thing, even though my brain says to me "yes, you do trust... trust Jesus, missy, yes, trust... I do... you do! I believe in Jesus because he forgives me... oh wait... um... yes, you do! but... oh that's right I trust, etc..." It's an ongoing thing for me to lay down my desire to be in personal control of my fate, my this or my that... so anyways, I think that's why I really really really really really admire John. He just lets go and does it. There's someone to learn from for ya.

The bugging part is that John always refers to himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loves." Is he bragging? Is he just stating a fact? Or is he relishing the fact that Jesus loved him? It seems that by stating this about himself, in his own book, none the less, he's pointing it out to the world... If I was the one of the other disciples I would be slightly... um miffed. The brainy part of me says that Jesus totally loved all his disciples equally and he just got along with John and "loved" him best because he trusted Him most. But it still bugs me that John talks about himself as the "disciple whom Jesus loved" in every portion of the book of John. Maybe he didn't want to talk about himself in the third person... which isn't he doing that anyways? I don't know, it just bugs me, and I'm trying to get over it. I'm really trying to, really. It just bugs me that's all. What do you think?

2 comments:

While there is a total possibility that he would be bragging here, I think we all know that that's not true... but it feels that way. I think sometimes we can be mistaken when truth in anything is spoken in confidence cuz we're hear it from arrogant people all the time. When God speaks of everything bringing Him glory, that may seem arrogant, but if you are the creator of everything, if glory comes from it, it's yours and yours alone. If the sun could talk and said that it's light and energy kept us alive, we might take it as being arrogant, but in all reality, it's just a true fact. When a newly married woman states that her husband loves her, she's not telling others because she wants others to be angry or jealous because the love is hers and nobody else's, but she knows it's true and she's excited about it.

Where am I going with this? I think that, first of all, John didn't want him to be a focus of it at all, but by saying things the way he did, it feels a bit manipulative and exclusive. His attempt was to draw attention to Jesus and His love, not to John himself. He was so in love with Him and overwhelmed with the fact that God loved him first (or that he loved God back really) that he wanted to bring attention to that. The other cool part about it is that, unlike a marriage, it's not exclusive, so when he says "the disciple whome Jesus loves" coming from someone who is in a humble state, it could be read, "it's amazing that He loved me and if so, I'm sure He would love you too".

Hummm... I kind of like it. The whole John thing is hilirous "BTW" :}... buuutttt, I kind of love the fact that he calles him self the deciple that Jesus LovedA. It showes his humanity. I kind of think he is being a little boastfull sometimes as well, but I love that about Gods Word. He uses flawed broken and sinfull people to do his great works.B. If jesus loved this guy who was obvesouly selfcentered (which lets face it, we all have a track record with) it is such a great portrait of Gods Grace.C. I also love that you said miffed tee hee hee