Humans are born with a desire. An utter unwavering desire from a worldly point of view. They ache for any sort of fulfillment.

People do things to make them numb when they’re feeling too much or they do things to make them feel something when they’re numb.

So many are addicted to feeling temporary happiness, something that has the ability to take them away from the pain of the world for even a moment. Because life is only ever just glimpses of falling and dancing and dancing and falling. Some feel they need to chug a whole bottle of vodka in one sitting, some turn the music up so loud that they could barely hear the words the world is trying to sneak in, and some people sit in rooms thinking of words that somehow match their minds. They think they can substitute the pain as well as the love they weren’t given with something else. But, you can only temporarily escape it. The uncomfortable will always lie within you if not addressed. I hope this existence knows they can live on feeling truly and utterly alive once the serenity in their hearts become exposed.

Since the beginning of time, when we were woven in the depths of the earth, humans have believed time after time again that we, as humans have grown due to external beauty. But we will always be the same, with a hole in our heart, seeing destruction disguised as beauty and grasping it thinking it can fill the void when the answer is right in front of their very eyes. The world overpowers their ability to fathom that their Creator is the One who hears hearts before they begin to talk and He holds them our whole lives the way He did when he was creating the uniqueness in every human heart.

The days lie numbered but determined by the Heart Maker. And we often forget that when we close our eyes for one last time, that is when we will be asked if we heard the music while in life’s greatest depths and some will have no idea what that means as their numbered days were being seen from a worldly view. For they didn’t know when they looked up that there were stars in the darkness.

The stars watch the changing and collisions of lives yet they still shine in the dark.

Maybe we needed to die (though our hearts still beat), to find ourselves and to truly live as we felt every inch of the earth and the depths that life carries on.

All I know is I want to live like actually live and it’s okay to be sad because living holds this very feeling. So live on. Really live and experience and know you don’t need to escape because we must feel the earth while we’re in it.

The secret that lies within you is that you can be happy even if your circumstances are anything but that.

Our circumstances lie constant, but our mind allows itself to view the temporary art of living within it. We can chase brokenness for art.

All those times led us to now. See things for what they are- the kind of moments they were created by God to be. How lucky are we for God to reveal such wonders to us? The pain still remains but there is worth & necessity in it. We are the way we are because of our experiences. Good and bad. There is beauty and humanity that lies under hardships. Without the hardships, I wouldn’t be able to be a writer.

The heart was left to feel the true depths the world had to offer and it was to reach the others that endured the same.

You can only reach people, truly if you’ve been where they are. There’s no doubt in my mind that God gave me trials to strengthen me and take those hardships and inspire others. See the pain as an honor.

In 2 Corinthians 2:9-10, Paul says God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness… therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong”.

There are traces of this everywhere among the earth for everyone to see if you open your eyes- the stillness of the world, the music that brings you to a different place, the uniqueness in each human heart and the desire to be loved, the beauty in the perfectly aligned sky, the way God comes back every night to paint the sky the colors of the soul left in you before the sky begins to darken but the stars leave you in awe as they outweigh the dark, for God would never dare to leave us in the dark. He specializes in holding infinite beauty woven into the earth. God is always revealing something beautiful here in this place between heaven and hell. As we are all just humans trying to get to heaven, it is in simplicity, when we truly find the depth of beauty.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time” -Ecclesiastes 3:11

What if we died being our best selves? What if we left the earth in these numbered days, being what we were made for? What if we took advantage of our time here, (which is very much limited), and we left the earth the most colorful and Godly? Who would we be if from now on we weren’t afraid to embrace the pain? We would be wise as well as young at heart. We will know the rain is for helping more beauty flourish. We will know all the stars are watching all the stories unfold about the earth and even they know the problems we hold are smaller than dust, but we can take that and make it into stardust, originally crafted by the Maker of the stars. We will know we are not of this world, only ever just in it and bring life into a world that lacks it. We were never meant to feel comfortable here.

Now, this is what right now is for.

To the farthest of places the heart will go, for the pain makes the life worth living, for hope must be grasped or else you’ve already made it and already making it defeats the purpose for truly utterly living. Feel it and know you’re experiencing every inch of being human.

It’s not always about escaping the uncomfortable. Because it will always find a way back to haunt you. I like to think of every situation in life as an opportunity to fall or to rise. You can either rise to fall- doing what you want in the moment although there will be consequences later or you can fall to rise which is facing uncomfortably while being aware you must do so to reach beauty in the future. It’s easier to escape in the moment because feelings are hard to feel. But what do you chose in these numbered days?

Reality is: people do things to make them numb when their feeling too much or they do things to make them feel something when they’re numb.

But, it’s all temporary. You see, God never promised security against pain but, His love no matter the circumstance. You can be happy about being alive even when it’s all coming apart. And in this moment, you may not know it but you will.

People are always searching to fill the voids and some people will find that their whole life, they could never be filled. Sometimes there are illusions that something earthy can be just that, but that isn’t the truth. It’ll always be more simple than that. Sometimes you can get quite lost in a world like this but you will be able to breathe the life God ached for you to experience- through beautiful things like music, poetry, nature, and prayer.

You were made to be something no matter how far you’ve fallen. Nothing is forever, pain ends. Know it and hold it, not letting go of it. God’s promises never fail and I know it’s hard to believe that right now but, His promises are all you will always have.

And when it gets really bad you must remember this. You need to stand in hope. What if a miracle was due soon and you missed it due to your aching to escape? Don’t you want to see the journey of your life and the ending it holds? Transformation and beauty are waiting to be seen by your eyes, places are waiting to be traveled to which the earth has ached for your feet to touch since the very beginning of time, stories and adventures are waiting to bewild you, there are smiles waiting to be seen and God desires for you to see the sky he paints every morning and night to remind you that it’s all time that does the healing.

Make the time count. Try to see the good. Let the Creator of you see the end of His story. Just know one day you will look back at this pain and see the strength that was carried within it. You will be sitting with a cup of tea in your hand with the love of your life and he will turn to you putting down the book he had been reading and you’ll say, “I see it now. It all makes sense. It had to happen to get this far” and he will say, “me too, life is meant to be lived”.

Don’t miss what is lying right in front of you. Pain is a distraction from what really matters and the fact that you feel the pain means you’re human and you’re doing something right as you aren’t just numbing it. Your story is a story of fallen stardust and it’s beautiful. Maybe this is our time to fall to rise.

There’s something you must know about me. I want to feel the world down to its core, to its most deepest of depths. I refuse to live simple minded.

Welcome to this place where I express, where indescribable intentions, remarks and hopes have come to live to be expressed in some form of art, where everlasting limits of standards are put to a hold, where desires are misplaced, this is where they can be revealed again. This is a wonder my mind has beautified its self around. Some may refer to this as writing.

Passion and expression. It is everything. What you speak of and what you do with the contents of your heart showcases to others what is lingering inside of you. Ultimately, I do believe many don’t know how to express what lies within them because they aren’t quite sure of that yet. I know best what that is like. The intensity of my battles and still ongoing battles can’t quite be addressed because I am not in the state at which I can see myself from another’s perspective. No matter how well thought out I believe I am, all of my will at which I would express, becomes diminished. For, can the human heart pass its will to the mind and the mind to your lips? I’ve found that no one is ever quite sure of anything and no matter how far you try to reach into another’s heart, you will never find their truest desires and their past experiences with the universe and the fault that lingers within it. Only their soul holds the truth no matter how many times they tried to over it up in beautiful paint. The laughs, the cries,the nights of staring at the ceiling feeling “paralyzingly numb”, the wish for light in the pain of the night, the hope for love within the core of the earth, the smiles that crossed your face while breathing in toxicity and the stillness of the air during the stillness of the sunset has all been known deeply and casted onto the Maker of the stars who has a great expertise at healing.

He doesn’t need you to figure your heart out, for before creation, He already had. Humans were created for their hearts to beat even in the ark. For, humans have an intense desire for something to stitch back together their wounds. Some go a lifetime believing one day, they will find something or someone that is capable of doing just that. They will find their minds have tricked them into finding hope in a worldly way.For, all things on earth are temporary, so they find nothing is good enough. I refer to them as the dead (though their hearts still beat). For, you know it is temporary if you can’t take it with you after this limited time on earth. Stability comes from only One. Te Lord only, can fulfill your deep passion, with deep cleansing love. Nothing can come between it. God loves you more in this very moment than anyone can in an entire lifetime.

Life. It’s all about grace through faith. By grace, through faith we will be saved in the present and eternally.

Look up at the shining moon and the stars that wave back at you and remember, God loves us so much that He believed deeply that we should be able to experience and have free will in the choosing of following the world’s way or the awe-provoking way of the Lord. Choosing the Lord’s route doesn’t promise easy life, but eternal life once we leave this temporary place.

Look up always and hold onto trust with those beautiful eyes of yours that are reading these words this very moment.