Teenagers in Love, Sharing Passwords

This article actually took me by surprise, but it's a long time since I've been a teenager:

Its a sign of trust, Tiffany Carandang, a high school senior in San Francisco, said of the decision she and her boyfriend made several months ago to share passwords for e-mail and Facebook. I have nothing to hide from him, and he has nothing to hide from me.

Ridiculous. My 16 year old sister has exchanged passwords with her boyfriend and it has me completely

It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

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Is there any talking to your sister, or does she just not want to hear it? I've been thinking about the article. I think it's a matter of, "If you loved me, you'd trust me with your password," or "Matt shares his passwords with his girlfriend, why not me??" (I suppose it beats, "If you loved me, give me a baby."

My kids don't do this. I wonder if it's a real trend. Yes, there are some statistics studied but they are kind of vague and most are self-reported.

I mean I told my husband one of my passwords once because he needed to get online fast to do something for me when I was without internet access. But once he was done, I changed it. So I'd be in the "30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend." but in fact I don't share my passwords with him and don't expect him to do the same.

It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

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I think it's between friends as well - I know one of my niece's friends posted a bunch of stuff on her FB page (all in fun) and when I asked about it, she said they knew each other's passwords and it was no big deal.

I guess the thinking isn't much different than when friends shared closed and knew each other's locker combinations etc - my bet is most grow out of it, and are in no real danger.

Insisting on it as a sign of trust in a relationship is different of course. My husband and I know some of each other's passwords for convenience, and from time to time I will even sign his name on things, but we don't access each other's bank accounts or open each other's mail, even after 27 years.

Seems like a stupid idea to me. I freely share a lot of things, but I'm still on my own person and insist on some semblance of individuality. If an email comes from my account, it had better be written by me!

I think it's between friends as well - I know one of my niece's friends posted a bunch of stuff on her FB page (all in fun) and when I asked about it, she said they knew each other's passwords and it was no big deal.

I guess the thinking isn't much different than when friends shared closed and knew each other's locker combinations etc - my bet is most grow out of it, and are in no real danger.

Insisting on it as a sign of trust in a relationship is different of course. My husband and I know some of each other's passwords for convenience, and from time to time I will even sign his name on things, but we don't access each other's bank accounts or open each other's mail, even after 27 years.

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I think my sister will grow out of it too, but for now I find it

IMHO the main thing to be weary of, is if something in the friendship or relationship sours, can you really trust that person to be mature enough not to use any private information against you? I know adults who are not above that, nevermind teenagers

I mean I told my husband one of my passwords once because he needed to get online fast to do something for me when I was without internet access. But once he was done, I changed it. So I'd be in the "30 percent of teenagers who were regularly online had shared a password with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend." but in fact I don't share my passwords with him and don't expect him to do the same.

And we've been married almost 23 years.

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we've been married 38 years, I don't share mine either. There are a few instances that we have a shared password, but it is for the same account.

The only site i say logged into, is FSU and even that closes as soon as I close all internet windows.

Teens often struggle with understanding healthy boundaries in relationships. To some degree it is part of the learning process, but parents and other adults in their lives need to be aware of it and help them navigate it.

I don't open my husband's personal mail (nor he mine) but other than that we would share any passwords/PIN the other wanted. We've been married for 35 years this April. Heck, my son and sister both know my checking account PIN.

It's not a sign of trust, it's a sign of paranoia and infatuation. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you hand over your right to privacy.

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It can also be a sign of one person trying to control or "check up on" the other person. IMO it smacks of jealousy and possessiveness, not love and trusting the other person. And show me a teen who is savvy enough to recognize the Signs of a Potential Abuser early enough to put a stop to it (or go to someone else who helps to put a stop to it) before it blows out of control.

I know if I were ever dating someone and was asked for my passwords to anything I would be saying "get thee behind me." Ditto to exchanging apartment/house keys - not that I have to worry about that because my landlord doesn't allow it, due to issues with previous tenants.

Ditto to exchanging apartment/house keys - not that I have to worry about that because my landlord doesn't allow it, due to issues with previous tenants.

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When I had known my future husband only a couple of weeks, my mother came home one day to find him sitting in his car in the driveway, because I was late getting home from work and no one else was home. She immediately gave him a key, which was kinda funny because as I said to her, I wasn't even sure how much I liked him yet

Mind you, mother knew best, because as I said above, that was 27 years ago.

When I had known my future husband only a couple of weeks, my mother came home one day to find him sitting in his car in the driveway, because I was late getting home from work and no one else was home. She immediately gave him a key, which was kinda funny because as I said to her, I wasn't even sure how much I liked him yet

Mind you, mother knew best, because as I said above, that was 27 years ago.

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Yeah, but I'm assuming that was a key to a house that your mother owned. It's different when you're dealing with an apartment. I had an upstairs neighbor who would give out keys to friends, family... and the keys were not just to her apartment, but to the common entrance downstairs. And these were less-than-savory individuals, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if some of them had criminal records. They used to smoke in the apartment, and in the halls and stair-wells, and I would find cigarette ashes on the stair/hall carpeting, and she left the apartment a mess when she left; it had to be completely recarpeted and painted (as it had been when she moved in a year previous).

If it wasn't for the fact that our building super is also a Troy City cop, I would have been afraid to report her to my landlord, but I kept him informed of the goings-on.

Needless to say, she was on a month-to-month lease for a reason, and my landlord decided one month not to renew it, so she was gone. Thankfully, because I didn't trust either her or anybody she was bringing over. After she moved out, the landlord changed the common entrance lock, and that is the only time he's done that in the 11 years I've been there.

I have a good friend who's been in a relationship for five, almost six years now - they plan on getting married sometime in the near future. She insists that they share each other's personal email passwords and be allowed to look through each other's gchat history, emails, etc. at any time. He even freely admits that when they broke up for a few months, she went through his emails and chat history to see who he was talking to and what he said. And he's okay with that.

The whole reason this came up was because he had to warn me that anything I told him over gchat, his girlfriend would automatically know, not because he would verbally tell her but because she'd see it in one of her regular digs through his account.

I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.

I don't get that at all. I never share my e-mail, FB, Twitter or any other password with my husband and vice versa. We have code locks on our phones which neither of us know. I did tell him the pin to my debit card once because I gave him my card to buy something for me but since I don't normally make it a habit to give him my debit card, that's not an issue either. It just doesn't seem healthy to me for a couple to have all that information about each other.

Teens often struggle with understanding healthy boundaries in relationships. To some degree it is part of the learning process, but parents and other adults in their lives need to be aware of it and help them navigate it.

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Luckily they do learn. Mini-mac was looking at her Timeline the other day and was appalled at some of the stupid stuff she had written. So she's already figured out the internet is forever and she's only 13.

I have a good friend who's been in a relationship for five, almost six years now - they plan on getting married sometime in the near future. She insists that they share each other's personal email passwords and be allowed to look through each other's gchat history, emails, etc. at any time. He even freely admits that when they broke up for a few months, she went through his emails and chat history to see who he was talking to and what he said. And he's okay with that.

The whole reason this came up was because he had to warn me that anything I told him over gchat, his girlfriend would automatically know, not because he would verbally tell her but because she'd see it in one of her regular digs through his account.

I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.

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That just screams insecurity to me. I did snoop into my first bf's email account one time. I'm not proud of it, and it was a sign that I didn't trust him. But YMMV I guess. I wouldn't dare do it now.

One time I did steal my bf's phone without his knowledge - he'd left it at my apartment so I took a pic of the cat yawning (teeth showing) and set it as his wallpaper. I still about that one. Sometimes I'll use his phone for research purposes (it's an iPhone) but I ALWAYS ask first.

I guess whatever floats your boat, but no way in hell would I ever agree to such an arrangement. I'll steal Boyfriend's phone and leave him little love notes on the "notepad" function, but no way would I even consider looking through his texts, emails, etc. and he wouldn't look through mine either. Yeah, yeah, loving each other means no secrets and all that, but I want some level of personal privacy.

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That's the point (at least in our relationship) - we don't invade each others privacy. The only time I remember looking at my husband's email was when he called me from a hotel and needed some info that he couldn't get because the hotel's internet was down. Because he would give me his passwords doesn't mean I want or need them and vice versa.

I don't get that at all. I never share my e-mail, FB, Twitter or any other password with my husband and vice versa. We have code locks on our phones which neither of us know. I did tell him the pin to my debit card once because I gave him my card to buy something for me but since I don't normally make it a habit to give him my debit card, that's not an issue either. It just doesn't seem healthy to me for a couple to have all that information about each other.

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I think you're being smart but your marriage is very different than mine.

I have several friends' passwords and those friends have mine. I think we've used them a couple of times when asked, and that's it. Really no big deal for us, but all relationships are different and trust means different things to different people. My neighbour has a key to my house/work, as do three other people, but none of them have ever used it inappropriately. They all have my bike key too.

I have several friends' passwords and those friends have mine. I think we've used them a couple of times when asked, and that's it. Really no big deal for us, but all relationships are different and trust means different things to different people.

Some, yes. It's also FSU (in case I die, I want it posted ), email, the combination and keys to my safe etc. At one stage or another, it's been used at my request, which is why I gave it. They also have copies of my passport, visa and other important documents (as do my parents).

I have Mr. Kiki's passwords for his online banking, cell phone account and other bills, but that's only because he's a search and rescue tech for the Air Force and is often in very remote areas for unknown amounts of time without much notice and in those situations I have to make sure the bills get paid. I don't have access to his email or Facebook, nor do I want to.

I think the issue for married/committed couple is that if you are together for friendship, love and support, until it isn't working anymore, then passwords, bank accounts, mail privacy etc are all things that people preserve for themselves.

If you are together with a "death do us part", then you have essentially made yourself one person, and why would you need to keep something private. This is the one person in the world that you have chosen to share yourself with. I open my husband's mail, we share all our finances in common accounts, own everything jointly, and share all our passwords- but not to keep a check on each other- but because why on earth would we need to keep it from each other.

The important thing is that both partners have the same expectation, which is why premarital counselling is so helpful to many couples.

Me and my husband share paswords for financial accounts, that is mainly a practical issues, for instance for some reason our online banking only lets the main account holder see statements, and I am the one taking care of paying the credit card, so I need them. Likewise with his investment accounts, since I do the taxes it is easier for me to just get his passwords so I can import the info into turbotax.

Since we have joints account for everything monetary, it doesn't really matter.

we don't share email or facebook/twitter account - I would not want to go through his mail. Sometimes I have read an email he requested me to read on his account and vice versa, but I would never try to read through his old email, I trust him and respect his privacy.

I agree that sharing passwords is more controlling and a sign of lack of trust rather than trust.

Some, yes. It's also FSU (in case I die, I want it posted ), email, the combination and keys to my safe etc. At one stage or another, it's been used at my request, which is why I gave it. They also have copies of my passport, visa and other important documents (as do my parents).

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My lawyer has my online persona (in case I die) he can close all my online accounts such as this one. Other than that no one knows anything except my husband knows our bank account. I have no idea why, I would have to die for him to pay a bill.

I don't think kids are careful enough with privacy, they are told they just don't listen.