Sunday, 1 July 2012

Life Of Brian - What Has Hackgate Done For Us?

A humorous piece from a regularcontributor.

*A wine bar, somewhere off The Strand*

Reg: We get into the Royal Courts of Justice under the arch here...slip past the Annex marquee here... up these stairs here.... nip down this unguarded corridor, through the back door... jump out from behind the blue curtains... ignore Tony Blair.... and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?

Tony: What exactly are our demands?

Reg: We're giving Leveson two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Inquiry and if he doesn't agree immediately we shout through megaphones - "chilling effect!" and "freedom of expression!" and stuff. We had a nice cosy bit of self-regulation ticking over till that bloody Desmond stomped off. Bloody Desmond.... Splitter.

All: Yeah, Splitter. Splitter!

Reg: So now we got that Leveson and his lot sticking their noses into our culture, practice and ethics. They're trying to stifle our free speech, the bastards. They're trying to take every dodgy practice we've ever used, not just from us, from our proprietors.... and from our proprietors' executives.

Reg: All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what has Leveson ever given us IN RETURN?

Lucy: Operations.

Reg: Operations...? You mean, medical procedures for amnesia? Like elping Andy Coulson's forgetting about still being paid by News International and overlooking those New Corp shares worth forty grand?