Comments of the Week: Leo Pops, Locks and Drops

Before we start, I need to give a big Thank You to the commenters for the lack of Jaden Smith material. I’d rather write 2000 words about a glass of water than Google that kid’s name again. Onward and upward.

Just down the street, a much more elaborate mural of Daphne and Velma 69ing was done by The Pixies, but nobody seemed to notice.

Inspired by cartoon porn, like all great minds. So you two are tied, and technically both winners. But sometimes a comment isn’t properly nominated. For instance, BenSkipper received well-deserved praise for his contribution to the Wolf of Wall Street trailer, this gif:

The only thing that would make this better is if we could see Jonah Hill’s teeth. Way to go, Skipper, you win. To the rest: remember to keep your wits about you, and nominate your favorite comments of the week in the comments section of this very thread. For next week, the winner has to babysit six of my mice while I pick up the other six in Aruba.

Nic Cage’s T-Rex Skull: I like to imagine it took 90 minutes for the cop to realize his gun was missing because that’s when the bad guys showed up on screen and the cop was going to stealthily pull out his gun and make “pew pew” noises.

Shop 101: I half expected the gun in the bowl, a turd on top of the toilet paper dispenser. Florida and all.

I don’t even know that they’re making actions movies more, or too, complicated these days. I mean, look, the original Die Hard is actually a relatively complex story but it’s just told exceptionally well. Think about it, here are the plot points:

– Main Character is on the outs with his wife. But he wants to do right by her (and their kids) so he shows up hoping things will work out.
– This makes him the literal and metaphorical ‘outsider’ at Nakatomi Plaza for the events of the film. Nobody there knows him. And because of that the terrorists don’t expect him.
– The 80s was full-blown Cold War time, when there were a shit ton of different terrorist groups running around all trying to do stupid shit, mostly in the name of communism. And the plot pings on that by making you think these Eastern European fuckers are trying make a USSR > USA political statement.
– SWERVE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!! They’re just ambitious thieves.
– Also, now it’s a buddy cop movie. And the buddy cops don’t even know each other.
– Oh, it’s also a siege movie.
– All of the excitement takes place in one location. Sure, it’s a 90 story building or whatever, but the geographic restrictions on where the action can mean it can’t all be blowing shit up, and that’s where you get really good tension and suspense (the air vent, the elevator shaft etc.)
– Also, the fact that it all takes place in the building makes it realistic that McClane can actually come face-to-face with the main bad guy. Because he’s there. In the fucking building. McClane doesn’t have to magically track the guy all over the place and show up at his secret lair.

And then you work in the comedy. And a couple of explosions. And you’ve got a fucking wicked film. It’s actually fairly complex.
Now, don’t get me wrong. You are totally right in that, on the surface, it might seem simple. Wrong place, wrong time = movie poster tagline, and all.
I think the main problem in Hollywood (as in any other field, whether it’s music or art or fashion or whatever) is that there are a very few people are actually incredibly fucking awesome at what they do (be it scriptwriting, directing etc.) and then there is a pretty decent layer of people who are just good at what they do, and then there is a massive, fucking thick layer of people who suck. And a lot of films come out of that massive, thick layer.