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Returning Phone Books to Dex

posted by
Public Intern
on September 7 at
16:06 PM

As Dan, Christopher and dozens of Slog readers have noted, phone books have become obsolete to the average computer owner and are a huge waste of paper. Last week, Slog readers encouraged me to round up as many phone books as I could, pile them into my car, and drop them off at Qwest Dex regional headquarters in Bellevue.

At first, I invited Slog readers to drop their phone books off at a central location so that I could deliver them to Dex. I constructed a massive cardboard box and left it next to the Stranger offices in a nook where homeless people often sleep. Within a day, someone ripped of the “Stranger” banner and threw it the box. The box also accumulated four Pepsi cans, a sock, two t-shirts and three trash bags from Top Food and Drugs. Only two people dropped off their phonebooks.

Dan ordered me to go door-to-door to collect unwanted phone books. I put on a nice shirt and drove to Ravenna.

The first house I visited (on 19th) had a large “God Bless America” sign leaning on the living room window, and a pro-life sticker taped above the doorbell. I swallowed, rang the doorbell, and nervously tapped my foot on the welcome mat. Nobody answered, thank God.

The next house had a large dog, so I skipped it.

After the third house, I started to get terribly bored. I rang the doorbell on another “America” house and ran away. I skipped houses. I tied my shoe slowly. I purchased some gum. After a while, I had no idea where I was. Then, I realized I had to pee. People looked up from their gardening and glared at me. I wanted to yell, “I’m not a solicitor! I’m the Public Intern! I’m here to help!”

I called Christopher Frizelle—he had written about the a large stack of phone books in the basement of his apartment, and I asked if I could come over and get them. He told me “yes” and I drove to his apartment off Broadway. Together, we piled over sixty phone books into the backseat and trunk of my Camry.

I drove to Dex headquarters (a nondescript building facing the freeway near Factoria) began unloading the phonebooks.

It was 5:30 PM, so employees were leaving the building as I dumped phone books next to the entrance. A man asked me what I was doing there and I told him, “just delivering phonebooks.” He chuckled and walked to his Lexus. Another man stood in the lobby on his cell phone, presumably calling security. I continued to add to the pile of phone books.

Books began to fall from the top of the mound, which made the pile even uglier. I waited for someone to come out and confront me, so I could tell them why I was there and what I was doing. No one came outside. The Dex people pretended the mound didn’t exist.

Should've come and got mine. There's a pile of about 70 books (I underestimated earlier, guessing 30-40) inside the back door of my apt building, with a big "LAST CHANCE" sign hanging over them. The pile didn't diminish in the slightest since I first saw it in the lobby.

Though, I am left wondering... who is it taking pictures of you performing your internly duties? Is there a Mr./Ms. "I'm dating the Public Itern, and I knew him before it too"? Or do you rope a friend into traveling with you to document your trials?

Not surprising. This is their entire business model. Crank out as many phone books as they can print to justify their expense to advertisers, dump them on people's doorsteps, and pretend they no longer exist. They cover their eyes and ears... lalalalala... and pretend that their service is a colossal waste, and environmentally inexcusable.

Why is it that I was always the one to be searching?
Like a limp-dicked dalmation
Fire dog! But I donít need the fire of misunderstanding to burn
Me like a cigarette (420)
Why do you have to be so into smoking pot vs.
Hanging out with me?

Phone books aren't so bad - they just should dole them out every few years, and one to every 10 people or so. Online phone books are not complete and updated often, and make it hard to distinguish people with the same name, plus despite what you think, lots of people don't have computers or dsl.

God, that's so funny! Apart from the environmental concerns, these phone books are a form of harassment, because they wake you up when the drones infiltrate your building at dawn's crack and drop them in front of every door. It's also harassment when phone book sales fucks try to persuade you to advertise and use these "resources," and also sell your information to all and sundry. (I know they are responsible because Qwest misspelled my first name.) (Dex... Qwest... )

Here's an idea: ask people to leave phone books on or near Stranger distro boxes. Public Intern gets a list of them, and goes around to pick them all up. Any charitable-feeling distro folks could stick them in their vans and bring them back if they feel like it too.

@17: haha. that is so funny! why would he ban microwave popcorn? the buttery movie theater smell? I never knew he was a bossy queen. I love learning new stuff about him! next on the slog: inside dan's brain: what makes him tick! hehe it would be great if they had a factoid section: little known secrets about dan savage! :)

This is way too funny. To think that the intern did not do his research and did go into the non-discript Dex Regional Headquaters to see that Dex is only one of the many tenents in the building. Ha ha. What a waste! Grow up... 60-90 phone books out of a million is not much of a statement. It looks like more people use the paper pages than the on-line pages.

If no one used phone books anymore then why are people spending millions/year to advertise there. Why are there 10's of millions of yearly references then?? These people that advertise in the phone book have the capability to track how it's working. They wouldn't spend all this money if no one was using it. Your not using the book has no relevancy on what others are doing.