Caught In The Intensity Web and Experiencing "Tunnel Vision" On the Soccer Sidelines

I am often asked what it really
looks like when parents get stuck in the Intensity Web. The following
examples shows how parents can get caught up in their children's soccer
game and lose focus, dramatically increasing the chances that they will
act in ways that do not reflect their values.

Setting The Stage

It
is a great day for a soccer game. Two Under 12 select girls' teams (red
team and blue team) are meeting in the final game of the season to
determine which will represent their league in the city tournament. The
teams have already met twice during the season, each coming away with a win. Both games
were often physical, with neither team willing to be intimidated by the
other. Each team feels the other team plays dirty, and that the
referees haven't called the previously games fairly.

The teams will share one sideline; their parents stand on the opposite sideline. Instead of practicing good sportsmanship
by exchanging friendly greetings, each group of parents stakes out
"their" own turf on the sideline and eyes the other with suspicion and
distrust. After all, they are "the enemy".

Rising Tensions

During the pre-game warm up, the
red team parents become a little agitated when they learn who has been
assigned to referee the game: a man who they feel has not treated the
red team fairly in previous games and one who they think lacks the
skills needed to handle a game with playoff implications. The parents
start to talk about how this may be a long day for the red team. The
game hasn't even started and yet the tension level has already gone up a notch or two.

When the game begins, the
teams feel each other out. After the red team's goalkeeper saves a weak
shot, she punts it to midfield. Two players jostle a bit for position
as they go up for the 50/50 ball. The blue team player heads it to a
teammate; the red player ends up on the ground, rubbing her head. The
parents on the red team start abusing the ref. "Hey, ref! Are you
blind?" one yells. "Are you being paid by the blue team?" another
shouts? The sideline intensity continues to increase.