A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited
to a Xmas fancy dress party.
He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and
his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as
a Pirate.
The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his
disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and
note: Dear Sir, sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a
monk's habit.
The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with
your bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really incandescent with rage now,
because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing
attention to his bald head.
So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel from
the company with the accompanying letter:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden
Syrup.
We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over
your bald head, let it harden, then stick your wooden leg up your arse and
go to the party as a fuckin' toffee apple...!

..how I love the whisper of a finely tuned 308 and the serenity it bestows upon a troubled mind..