Sunday, 9 July 2017

Oh, puh-lease

Policing seems to be all the rage now, what with the self-appointed protectors of <insert anything of perceived cultural value> and all their gallantry. Though the following lynch-at-sight aggressors differ in their expression, they have a unifying spirit - one of oppression.

Gestapo - Gestures:
The Gestapo have applied themselves to defining, adopting and forcefully imposing on fellow humans, gestures they deem appropriate to express <insert anything of perceived cultural value>. (Think standing up when the national anthem is played and the like.) While the Gestapo is free to define and adopt arbitrary gestures, is it not presumptuous to impose those gestures on those with differing sentiments? Anyone who is tempted to exclaim 'What will you lose by standing up for a bit?' is missing the point.
My pet peeve: the Gestapo's laughable claim that the gestures they hold so dear somehow translate to love or respect for <insert anything of perceived cultural value>.

Pork Mince Police - Food:
The Pork Mince police go about butchering anyone who is seen consuming or is suspected to have consumed food items that have failed their 'allowable for ingestion' test. I might be okay with such imposition if the test didn't have such dubious parameters - animals with perceived cultural value disallowed. (Sorry, I lied; any form/degree of dictation is anathema to me).
My pet peeve: mobs asking dissenters - who reply with 'No, thanks. I'll have <redacted item>' when the 'allowable for ingestion' menu is shoved at them - to leave the country.

Climax Police - Pleasure:
The climax police take policing to unthought of heights - dictating sexuality, shaming non-conformists and even deciding which gender deserves more coital pleasure. To think that genital mutilation was carried out under the pretext of curing lesbianism!
'But there are women who choose to undergo clitoridectomy.'
'For fear of ostracism? Hardly counts as free choice.'
'What about cosmetic clitoridectomy?'
'You mean electivesurgery? Elective being the key word?'