23.1.09

Little surprised by the number this morning -- still on my sorta "doing very little" workout plan, which is to say nothing about the fact that I had fried chicken for dinner last night and a cinnamon roll for breakfast this morning.

The good news is that I'm taking my kid to see the circus tonight (his first), so whatever weight I was carrying in my wallet should be reduced greatly by the time that's all over *rimshot*

21.1.09

8.1.09

The scale says 258, but on the way to work this morning I bought an english muffin with butter for breakfast -- and almost as soon as I ate it I started feeling violently ill. Stay tuned, because the number could change very, very soon.

7.1.09

It doesn't sound like much, but it's close to 10 pounds less than I was a few days after Christmas. I'm not sure how much of this progress you can credit to me (haven't been to the gym that many times since then), but I'll take it.

6.1.09

It's all about point of view. In terms of being fat, staying fat, and getting fatter -- '08 fucking rocked. The starts, the stops, the restarts, the frustration, the anger, the malaise.. few stones were left unturned without later being eaten while simultaneously not being raised above my head repetitively in an effort to tone muscle or burn any amount of fat.

That being said, I did get in the ring with my weight and try to fight it off during the past 12 months.

..It's just that I lost horribly at it and ended up about 10-15 pounds heavier than when I first joined this blog several years back.

Here's the thing -- much like those "weight loss plateaus" that I've heard so much about but not really had much chance to experience -- I think there are equal and opposite levels of weight gain plateaus.

For example, there was a a long period where I was utterly unhappy with the way I couldn't really escape the 240's. Considering that I haven't seen anything close to 240 for a few years now makes this seem funny to me, but I clearly remember complaining about it.

At one point a few years later after training for few a few River Runs and I got into a 228 kind of groove where I was purchasing "Large" sized shirts instead of XL's, and occasionally having to look for smaller pants size -- but then after a series of personal and physical roller coasters, I've found myself living in the 260's, with occasional nods towards even higher numbers.

That being said, I'm on to 2009 with a new resolve and yet another new push, and what at one point was 265 has now been slinking back down towards the 250's, where I believe my real plateau at this point in time actually is.

I still eat badly, but I'm working on it. The new gimmick that I'm trying is adding/substituting turkey in places where beef and chicken previously ruled, and drinking more water during the day. I'm also back in the gym on a semi-regular (read: 3 times since the start of the new year so far) basis. If that weren't enough I'm also trying a new thermogenics regimen and researching certain supplements in the hope that they might help things along.

The interesting side effects to all this thus far is that I seem to be alternating between being pissed off for no apparent reason and ridiculously drowsy at inopportune times, which is to say nothing about how hungry I am late at night -- which is usually a prime snack hour for me that I've been resisting, which probably has more than a little to do with how pissed off I am in the mornings when all I have to look forward to each day is emptying my 1.5L bottle of Zephyrhills.

It's not all doom and gloom, I have lost about 5 pounds since the holiday binge season, but I know myself well enough to know I can get that back pretty damn easily if I put my mind to it.

And so it goes -- beating myself up as I charge into the new year feeling tired and pissed off and slightly lighter than I was a week or two ago. My gym membership finally ends sometime this year, which is OK because I now have free access to the gym at work and I could really use the extra scratch every month.

I do look back at using this blog as a positive, even though there were times when posting here was more depressing than helpful. So I'm gonna keep up with that/this -- but I wish there was a way to use it more proactively.

For example, I recently got a "these are yours I don't want them in my house anymore" care package from my ex-wife that included several pictures of a markedly thinner me that made me feel like crap, which might provide a useful compare/contrast tool here -- but will probably find it's way to my main blog instead just for it's value in terms of self-deferential humor rather than offer definitive proof of how much I've let myself go in the past few decades.

Still, the idea of adding photos or graphics is intriguing. We'll have to see where I can go with that. Suggestions are welcome, but no one reads this blog anyways so it's not like I'm expecting much.

Here's what I know. Any change that is going to happen will take a few months to kick in. Thus far it's also become clear that my frustration level with my weight loss peaks every few months regardless of my progress.