Loxland

Unlimited supplies of lox offered as bait to get Jews to leave Israel – nice try Mahmoud. However, your offer to move Jews to greener pastures is just the latest sign of your total lunacy.

There is more that ties Jews to Israel than could be undone by the offer of lots of lox. Granted, the Ashkenazi population will feel the tug of your proposed Loxland. But even the offer of free fish will not to get the Jews to leave their ancestral homeland, promised to them by God, inhabited by them continuously for nearly three thousand years, and defended by an army that could cook your kabob tomorrow.

“President Ahmadinejad’s statement represents a willful distortion of history and an attempt to prevent political reconciliation between Israelis and Palestinians,” Canadian Foreign Minister Maxine Bernier said in a statement.

“It is comments like these that make Iran a country of concern for the international community,” the minister said. “Canada continues to work to focus attention on the Iranian government’s atrocious human rights record. To that end, Canada will once again be leading a resolution on Iran at the UN this autumn.”

On second thought… Perhaps the Madman from Tehran does not really hate Jews. After all, Northern Canada has only 100k some people in an area the size of Western Europe. There are diamonds, gold, coal, and lots of places for summer colonies and bungalows. Not to mention, that with recent Global Climate Change underway, most of Northern Canada will be prime beach-front property very soon.

However, the Iranians would then ship weapons to the Inuit, the native inhabitants of Northern Canada. The New Israeli-Canadians might be facing off against some harpoons tipped with more than just barbs. Imagine the Inuit Liberation Organization, the Inuit Resistance Army, Inuit Army of God, and so forth. And what would ck do? After moving himself all the way to Jerusalem, only to have to see him shipped back to Canada?

Of course this is hardly original thinking for the Iranian Despot. Israel Zangwill tried to get the Zionist Congress one hundred years ago to consider using Canada as a temporary home for Jews from Russia, but was met with opposition from within the Zionist movement and others.

What would have happened if Zangwill had triumphed and millions of Jews from Russia had been diverted across frozen seas to Alaska and Northwest Canada? It would kill the Kosher Alaska Cruise industry–who would want to hang around home on a cruise ship. And another thing, the lox plate at all simchas would be refilled continuously, without regard for cost.