Series 2 Predictions

Result: Australia 1-4 England
Most runs: Pietersen for the good guys, Watson for crims
Most wickets: Anderson, Harris if fit for 4 or 5
Left field selection: onions to earn a callup after a spate of injuries
Surprise dropping: Siddle after a disaster in the first two
The Ashes Infractions: England to top this.
Other miscellaneous: Shane Warne will whine about Cook's negative captaincy as he leads us to our biggest win over there in a couple of lifetimes

Result: Australia 1-2 England
Most runs: Pietersen and Clarke
Most wickets: Broad and Siddle
Left field selection: Mathew Wade
Surprise dropping: Joe Root
The Ashes Infractions: England to come out on top because there are more Australian mods

Result: Australia 2-1 England
Most runs: KP and Clarke
Most wickets: Jimmeh and Harris
Left field selection: England will select a fast bowler who's under 8 foot tall, Australia will entertain the idea of selecting 2 batsmen
Surprise dropping: Shane Watson once the selectors finally realise he's hopeless
The Ashes Infractions: We've got sledger, although none of his infractions will have anything to do with the series.
Other miscellaneous: Australia will smash us at Perth. David Gower will get fired after strangling Shane Warne live on TV after he utters the phrase "have to be prepared to lose in order to win" for the 14,000th time that day. Nasser Hussein will shortly follow suit after taking exception to Warne explaining that "if it seams, it spins."

Result: Australia 2-3 England
Most runs: KP/Warner
Most wickets: Anderson/Siddle
Left field selection: Coulter-Nile
Surprise dropping: Root
The Ashes Infractions: Australia, mainly due to the fact that most of the trolls tend to be Australia. Probably England out of pre-existing members though.
Other miscellaneous: Warne to become main selector for Australia, and convinces England to select Jim Allenby at Perth because "he knows the local conditions".

Result: 2-1 England
Runs: Cook/Smith
Wickets: Broad/Harris
Left field selection: Fawad Ahmed by Boxing Day
Surprise dropping: Lyon (fairly unsurprising tbf), Carberry
Miscellaneous: Clarke to miss at least one Test from his back, Johnson to be rubbish but still play at Adelaide and Perth, Smith to take at least 5 wickets.

Originally Posted by flibbertyjibber

Only a bunch of convicts having been beaten 3-0 and gone 9 tests without a win and won just 1 in 11 against England could go into the home series saying they will win. England will win in Australia again this winter as they are a better side which they have shown this summer. 3-0 doesn't lie girls.

Result: Australia 2-2 England
Most runs: Cook
Most wickets: Harris (pending fitness for all 5, otherwise Anderson)
Left field selection: Ben Stokes (for Carberry; Root opening), Marcus North (for an injured Clarke, with Bailey dropped)
Surprise dropping: Michael Carberry, George Bailey (for Forkers Faulkner), Nathan Lyon (for Fawad)
The Ashes Infractions: Australia
Other miscellaneous: Shane Warne to offer to come out of retirement, Sam Robson to be called into the England squad in event of injury, Clarke to do his back at some point,