First things first; I would like to state for the record that I do not
know how to pronounce your name and I really don't care. With that said,
the next thing I would like to tell you is that I'm throwing a party and
you're not invited. I really see no reason to invite you. We never met
and I don't think we share any of the same friends. You dress in suits
and I dress in blue jeans. You meet with world powers and they don't even
return my emails. You live in Palestine and I can't even find Palestine
on the map. I've been searching for a while now. One afternoon I thought
I found it in China's Hebei Province, but as it turned out I made a translation
error. Not being able to actually read Chinese I mistook Pingquan for
Palestine. Truth be told, I can't read Arabic either. And I suppose my
illiteracy is good reason why I may not be able to successfully find your
country. Yet, even when I look at all the English translations of Arabic
speaking nations of the Middle East and North Africa, I still can't seem
to find it. Don't get me wrong, I can find Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Syria;
Iraq, Iran and Dubai, but somehow, nowhere at all can I seem to find Palestine.
It's just not there. I mean, really, it must be located next to Kurdistan
or something because I can't seem to find that either. What is with you
Middle Easterners and your invisible countries? Yet, who am I to judge?
When I was twelve I proclaimed my bedroom its own sovereign state, assumed
leadership, drew up its own constitution and created its own currency.
It was fun for a while, but only for a while, because then it got boring.
I imagine you're going to get bored ruling over your invisible state sooner
or later. Do you know what is infinitely more fun than ruling over a country
that you penciled onto the map yourself? I found that to be Nintendo.
Do you have a Nintendo? I think you should get one. This isn't because
I want to impose my western value system on you or your imaginary state
(Nintendo is Japanese) but because you seem like a guy who isn't very
fun. Maybe if you played Nintendo you would be more fun. And maybe if
you were more fun you would stop jibber-jabbering about your desire to
obliterate Israel and lighten up a bit. You really seem like a man who
needs a fantasy outlet for your genocidal tendencies and I think Nintendo
would be the perfect release. Speaking as a friend, I really think it
could do you a lot of good. Maybe if you safely channeled these psychopathic
desires, I might even invite you to that party I mentioned earlier. So
let me know if you decide to release your irrational aggression through
the mediation of a consumer-tested gaming console; and that way I can
decide as to whether or not to mail you an invitation. Also please give
me a mailing address somewhere other than Palestine. I don't think the
postman will find it.