Marine Corps Establishes ‘Service Utilities’ For More Professional Look

CAMP PENDLETON, CA – In a bold move designed to bring professionalism to new heights, the Marine Corps is introducing a new uniform regulation, tentatively dubbed, “Service Utilities.”

After senior leaders complained the Marine Corps was losing touch with its professional side, General James Amos, Commandant of the Marine Corps, issued a directive earlier this year directing all non-deployed active duty and reserve Marines to wear service uniforms every Friday.

“Prior to 2001, it was common practice for Marines to wear the seasonal uniform while in garrison on Fridays,” Gen. Amos said in a statement. “However, I don’t think we’ve taken enough action to ensure the professionalism of this Corps. I’m taking things a step further.”

The new uniform requires no new purchases to be made by Marines and sailors, as it utilizes uniform items that are already common issue. This will allow Marines to begin wearing the uniform immediately after modification to the uniform order is made to accommodate Service Utilities, eliminating the need for a “grace period” as Marines prepare to integrate the uniform.

Second Lt. Antonin Purvis, Uniform Regulations Advisor for Marine Corps WestPac, described the new uniform to Duffel Blog reporters.

“So we thought, ‘hey, we’re professionals every day of the week, not just Friday,’ right?” Begins Purvis while starting a PowerPoint presentation. “So why do we only dress up like professionals on Friday? Surely there’s a way to make these camouflage utilities a little more professional looking.”

“What makes you look professional? TIES. All manner of gentlemanly businessmen wear ties, and we already have ties for our male Service Alphas and Bravos. Why not incorporate the tie into the utes [sic]? BAM, instant professional.”

For some Marines caught being unprofessional in Afghanistan — urinating on dead Taliban fighters, or showing off a Nazi SS flag — the move will likely put them on a better track, officials say.

Still, some believe the move won’t be enough.

“Why are we letting these devil-dogs take their ties off when they have their blouses off?,” asked Sergeant Major Edgar Menendez. “And we’re still professionals during PT [physical training]. The PT uniform is pretty daggone nasty without a tie.”

The Service Utilities are expected to be integrated Marine Corps-wide as soon as June.

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"Stormtrooper" is a US Marine Corps computer nerd who enjoys wasting his collective paychecks getting stewed, screwed and tattooed. His interests include chicks, booze and guns. His hobbies include playing video games, building things, auto-erotic asphyxiation, and lying about fetishes.
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