He was at one nursing home where he had behavioral problems. They eventually said he couldn't stay. I understood why because he was being so mean and cranky and is a fall hazard. So he was moved to a smaller nursing home where he became much less agitated and was able to get into a groove. He was wheelchair bound due to the stroke and has been incontinent for a while. Due to the use of the wheelchair, his upper arm strength is good. He is now able to push himself up more. This would be a good thing but he has been trying to stand up for months now. He spends all of his time, trying to stand up, falling, and trying, trying, trying. At the new place where he was moved, the staff would place a couple of patients right by the nurses station because it gave them a chance to keep an eye on them and since there was a lot of activity, the patients would sit and talk. Well now that nursing home is closing it's doors :( They call me on Sunday and were moving him monday evening. He was only there one night and they called today and said that they could not take him on. He is getting up out of his wheelchair and walking a few steps. I am upset because I am getting really frustrated with the state of affairs. I told the nurse he had moderate to severe dementia and they all like to claim that they are all versed with handling Alzheimer dementia patients but that is just a buzz word, because if they did, they would know that dementia patients are usually exit seekers and need a LOT of attention. The lady who called to tell me was the Social worker and she was very intense about him falling. They said they are not used to ANYONE falling and that they cannot give him the attention he needs. I am upset because things just don't ever seem to calm down in his situation. The nurses that he has been with moved to the new building but I think the new nursing home is this big fancy corporation who only wants to take care of patients who sit around and drool. I can't understand these places. They don't mind if a patient has any number of medical problems but when it comes to dementia, They act like they are wringing their hands and just don't know how to deal with them. I get that but I keep thinking these ppl are professionals and know techniques to handle dementia patients?! I get very confused when reading through all of the hodgepodge of descriptions on the internet that say that are alzheimers assisted living. Correct me but isn't the nature of alzheimers such that these patients don't have short term memory and display irrational behavaiours and actions? It almost seems like an oxy moron. Alzheimers assisted living: how can someone with alzheimers need only to be looked in on once in a while? I have been told by assisted living places that they do not administer meds, the person needs to be able to care for himself and yet, that they are alzheimer certified. I know society doesn't really understand what alzheimers is. i know that I didn't realize what it is. Often people are portrayed as just being unable to remember a few things. What I have found out is that Alzheimers eats your brain such that you are unable to make sense and you also can't put sentences together. You display extreme behaviours. wandering around talking to yourself, or others incoherently. banging on the dooor that you want out. walking around crying incessantly, thinking that you are someplace other than a nursing home and actually proceeding as if you are. I think it's more like alzheimers dementia patients appear more like patients in a psych ward than just nice old people who can't remember their name and stuff. They can hurt themselves, They forget every single thing and cannot retain the information even for 30 seconds. i tell my dad that his leg is too weak to stand on. he temporarily suspends his campaign for standing until 30 seconds passes and he continues trying to stand up. I know that the outside world has a misconception but I would think the healthcare elderly medical community would know what it is and be able to come up with techniques to help dementia patients. Gadgets and such to keep them in their chair and on their bed. I am super sad that he has to move and I so wish I was able to move him to my home to be with me. i cant do it unless I win the lottery. thanks for letting me vent! BG

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If your Dad is losing weight, he might need someone to take more time to feed him properly. Poor guy must be so confused them moving him all over the place. Can you get medicaid to hire a private caregiver there or at your home? My friends bedridden Mom was told she couldnt go to daycare anymore and medicaid paid for 40 hours of home-care. I hope he is ok and settles down in one place. Many years ago my FIL went into a NH for only 2 weeks until he passed. We had to hire a caregiver to feed him as they didnt , if he didnt eat in 20 mins they took it away. takes me over an hour to feed my Mom. Best of luck.PS He shouldnt be falling if he s being watched, medicare will supply you a hoyer lift. I use one all the time with my Mom, its a life saver. My Moms slid out of chairs with caregivers here occasionally and I put the sling under her and hoyer her up.

thank you for your responses. I just got back from visiting my dad's new place. He is losing weight pretty rapidly and my heart just aches when I tell him that I would take him home if I could. It pulls me so but it's strictly because this is the way he was when he wasn't happy at the first nursing home. He has been incarcerated a couple of times and he thinks he is back in jail. Being jostled around really sends him on a tailspin into his dementia. It took a while but he finally settled down at the 2nd place and had gotten a very good routine going. I really don't like the way it was all handled which is why I was complaining about nursing homes throwing around the word alzheimers like it's nothing and then freaking out because he needs more attention. This is the 4th nursing home he has been in now and when I went over there today they said he had been hitting them and they acted like if he kept that up that he might not be able to stay. This nursing home had him in another wing and then they moved him to the locked unit. So he has been in 4 different places in about a week and I told them he has meds available on PRN to calm him down. I am really torn about moving him out and taking care of him. I don't know anything about taking care of someone like this full time. He has to have his blood checked before each meal, he has high blood pressure, stroke, dementia and he fights me worse than he fights the nurses. I really hope he can settle into this place and be calm again. As far as being medicated. I don't think the people that I have seen drooling were medicated but they were end stage something because they couldn't hold themselves up to even watch TV and were talking to themselves. This wasn't even the dementia memory unit. I think about nursing homes and I think they are the greatest and the worst all at the same time. Thanks GOD they are there but I wish there were more than 2 alternatives. heavy heart in TX, luv BG

Hello, I understand the situation and thats why my Mom is in my home. You know those patients that sit and drool, they probably are overly medicated because they were too aggitated. My Mom went through the agressive wandering nasty stage too. Keep chains on all the doors high and watch the windows, my mom tried to get out of one. She had her panic walks screaming and yelling at me (so unlike my mom ever was :0() I didnt take it personal, its the disease, not her and you cannot reason with them. I rarely slept that year and was working fulltime. I took her to a top neurologist and he recommended a medication for mom called depakote sprinkles. I gave her half the amount they recommended and Mom calmed right down, oh what a relief, and the daycare was thrilled too where she was attending at the time. They are scared and confused and changing their environment is the worst thing for them, they need to get some place and stay . My Mom always needs someone to be there, for security because she cant really talk. You can do it till the end, I have a hoyer lift and she gets one on one care. Yes I do hire morning help and weekend help and when they come, its great. As bad as my Mom's dementia is, when I compliment her on her cooking, her blue eyes, etc, she is all smiles. Of course she cannot cook anymore, but she thinks she did if I tell her. Her sight is about gone too but she loves me singing and loves music. Daycares are great with alzheimers/dementia patients too. Hang in there, do your best and get him to a doctor, or if you are his DPOA, call the doctor for something to calm his brain.

Wow, BG, I can so relate to everything you said on your post, and you said it well!! About Alzheimer/dementia patients' brains, and how most places aren't at all equipped to deal with such a person who IS, in many cases, just like you said....a person in a psych ward. They are really clueless and do repeated things that can harm them, over and over. It drives me crazy as I attempt to keep my Mom safe in my home, and she FORGETS over and over again that she can't do this, that, and the other for safety reasons. It really does almost take a one on one caregiving situation, and how can this be done properly in a big nursing home. The smaller one you described where your Dad could be close to the nursing station and watched better sounded great. But, again....that's just ONE patient needing all of that watching and care. Times that by 10 or more, and how can it be accomplished effectively. The wandering, the attempt to escape to a place they know not where, etc. etc. It's appalling the lack of choices one has to make in order to take care of our loved ones in a decent and caring place other than the home environment. I think it definitely has to be a Memory Care lock down facility where the expertise is geared to Alzheimer and dementia people. Otherwise, they'll just get lost in the shuffle. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad having to make this move. It's really sad and frustrating for you. I wish I could give you more help, but really all I can do is commiserate with you, empathize and understand totally what you are going through. Somewhere down the road of caring for my Mom, I worry about where I can place her if I can no longer do it all in my home. I just worry and think about if and when that time comes how can I do it. Hugs to you, BG. (And your statement about needing to win the lottery in order to accomplish this impossible task is right ON!!!)

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