Canada’s first national park, ‘Banff National Park’ was created 113 years ago today (1887). A good excuse to check some of the . . .ACTUAL DUMB TOURIST QUESTIONS AT BANFF INFORMATION KIOSKS:• “How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the ‘Elk Crossing’ signs?”
• “I saw an animal on the way to Banff today — could you tell me what it was?”
• “When we enter BC, do we have to change our money to British pounds?”
• “Is that 2 kilometres by foot or by car?”
• “Are there any undiscovered lakes I can see from the road?”
• “Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?”
(Source: Parks Canada)

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:Today comedian/actor Martin Short gets inducted onto Canada’s ‘Walk Of Fame’ in Toronto . . . Alanis Morissette guests on this weekend’s episode of HBO’s “Sex and the City” . . . Hot Hollywood couple Drew Barrymore and testicle-challenged comic Tom Green are said to have split . . . Eminem’s “Marshall Mathers” CD may be the fastest-selling rap album in history, but in Canada it’s being out-sold by Tragically Hip’s new “Music@Work” . . . Regis Philbin will warble “Pennies From Heaven” on a “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” music CD featuring money-themed tunes (that’s it, they’ve officially milked this bit to death).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:Jim Carrey plays a schizo state trooper with 2 personalities — both in love with the same woman (his real-life girlfriend Renée Zellweger) in the comedy “Me, Myself & Irene” (the buzz scene is where Carrey interrupts a woman breastfeeding an infant to sneak a taste for himself) . . . Mel Gibson provides the voice of ‘Rocky the Rooster’ in the animated family film, “Chicken Run”, about farmyard cluckers who plan a daring POW-style escape from an English chicken farm.

PUTTING CLEVELAND TO SHAME:Seattle’s much-anticipated “Experience Music Project”, an interactive rock museum featuring more than 80,000 music artifacts opens today in Seattle, designed by Toronto-born architect Frank Gehry and originally intended as a place for Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen to stash all his Jimi Hendrix memorabilia No Doubt, Dr Dre, Eurythmics, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Matchbox 20, James Brown, Beck & Alanis Morissette are among the 40 acts playing a 3-day opening festival.

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:• Feminists are lobbying breeding associations, veterinarians and dog show organizers to stop using the ‘B-word’ to refer to female dogs. (But can we still use the ‘D-word’ to refer to ugly women?)
• According to a group that claims to monitor alien radio activity, the type of music aliens seek out on the radio is usually new age. (Ah, that explains where John Tesh came from.)
• A Toronto city councillor says the city’s new display of fiberglass moose sculptures is sexist because all of the statues are male. (What kind of weirdo would actually check?)
• A new support group for flat chested women, called ‘Big Bust or Bust’ claims you can change your pancake boobs to 36-Ds through proper diet, exercise and ‘the right mental attitude’.

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS RETRO ROCK QUIZ: (We give you lyrics from a classic hit, you name the tune.)
• “I’ve never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance” (“The Lady In Red”, Chris DeBurgh)
• “We gotta install microwave ovens, Custom kitchen deliveries” (“Money For Nothing”, Dire Straits)
• “And when she turned her eyes to me, As deep as any ocean, As sweet as any harmony” (“She Blinded Me With Science”, Thomas Dolby)
• “Smell like I sound, I’m lost in a crowd” (“Hungry Like The Wolf”, Duran Duran)

Q: Which Hollywood actor has appeared in the most movies over the last decade?
A: According to AC Nielsen research, it’s “Shaft” star Samuel L Jackson who made 36 movies; a half-dozen more than runner-up Harvey Keitel.