Anonymous Story: As if I committed a crime

I was 18 in basic training. I was on (KP) kitchen duty when I was sexually assaulted. I was treatied like I did something wrong (they read me my rights as if I committed a crime) but I now know at age 50 that I didn’t do anything wrong. They sent me away to my next duty station and said they were going to give me counseling and punish him. I didn’t have the honor of graduating with my fellow basic trainees even though I earned that right. I meet someone months later that had been in basic training with me who told me he said he was going find me and kill me for getting him in trouble. I have lived in fear every day since she told me that. I love my husband but I can finally admit that I agreed to get married so I could change my last name and have a baby so I could be discharged from the military so he couldn’t find me. A few years ago I tried to get some counseling and requested help from the VA hospital. I was/am still in disbelief to find out they lied to me and there is no record of the assault. I have had so many physical illnesses since I found out and believe it’s a result of finding out the military lied to me and realizing how naive I was to believe them. I still can’t talk to my husband or family about it. Some days I want to fight for the help the military owes me but most days I just want to give up.

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The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.