Desperate housewives

“Microsoft Network’s relationship expert and agony aunt, Dr Pam Spurr, receives many problems from women who feel like they’re trying to do it all and failing.”

I think they’re talking about spoilt, middle class, Western women who can’t realise their aspirations in their jobs, marriages, families and tennis clubs; not poor African women who have to walk out of their village every day to get water and food for their kids.
But perhaps I’m being unfair.
No, I just checked, I’m not being unfair.

Thank Heaven that Dr Spurr has some advice for these unfortunates (the self centered Westerners I mean, not the destitute Africans, they don’t even bother to have the internet for God’s sake!).

“The first important step to take is to sit back and use a few minutes each day to think about your daily life. You need a little thinking time during times of change and we often don’t give ourselves this little bit of space. Blah blah blah etc.

• Now I want you to implement all of the “ate” words to get better balance in your life and boost your self-esteem – these are: RELEGATE, ELIMINATE, INSTIGATE & DELEGATE.”

She appears to have missed out procrastinate, masturbate and ruminate.As in: ‘I won’t worry about it today, I’ll have a wank now and chew things over tomorrow during my thinking time.’

That’s my advice, and I should know; I’m one of the most frequent ruminators you’re going to meet.