Most Popular Posts

Motherhood Mondays: Naming identical twins

Parenting brings lots of big life decisions (babysitters, sleep schedules), but most of parenthood really seems to be made up of smaller everyday moments (breakfasts, baths, haircuts, lullabies). So, it's inspiring to hear about times when parents come up with an awesome everyday idea and just nail it. Today I'll be sharing three of these!

First up: The way my friend Sharon named her identical twin boys...
"One thing I dreaded about having identical twins was answering the question 'Who's who?' a trillion times," said Sharon. "My husband and I could tell them apart the first day week they were born, but what about relatives who saw them only a few times a year? Teachers at preschool? What about when their backs were toward me? I wanted a foolproof system...Then around the first year, something amazing happened: They grew hair. That's when I figured out my Who's Who Solution: Longer hair, longer name. Oscar will always have longer hair. Owen shorter. Until the boys protest, this is the system I'm sticking to."

Isn't that smart? Whenever we hang out with them (every week or two), I always know who's who, and I don't have to ask each boy, "Which one are you?" which would be a drag, especially to a little dude who's figuring out his own personality and individuality.

Pop quiz: In the photos below, can you tell Oscar and Owen apart?

Do you have identical twins? Or know any? Have you heard any other solutions to telling identical twins apart? What baby names are you loving these days? (My twin sister and I are not identical, so our parents didn't have to worry about it.)P.S. More Motherhood Mondays posts, including the top 100 baby names of 2011...

109 comments:

I am an identical twin, and when we were little, we each wore a necklace with the first letter of our first name around our necks! I look at pictures today of us as babies, and can never tell which is which, but my mom always knows and gets it right!

That's perfect! I helped host a baby shower this weekend and saw my friend's 4 year old twins who I hadn't seen in ages. They were just back from ballet and one was in a pink leotard and one in purple. I knew Katherine liked one and Mary liked the other, but there was no way I could remember which!

My mom and aunt are identical twins, and it is so strange to me that my mom can't even tell which one she is in baby photos. I actually can tell pretty easily, as long as they are side by side in the photo (they have different face shapes). Last year when I was at my grandparents' house, I whipped out the photo album and started playing "Which one is your wife?" with my stepdad. He got almost every one wrong--but so did my mom! It had us all laughing.

I love these kids. The moment I met them I could tell them apart just because of their countenances and voices. Owen's is a little raspy (adorable!) I'm guessing there would be little subtleties about any other set of identical twins that would help tell them apart too.

Such a cool idea! When I was in college, I was a nanny for a little boy whose best friends were identical twin girls. Their names began and ended with the same letters and they often dressed similarly, but they each had a color: one would always wear pink and the other would wear something lime green (even if it was just a ponytail holder or a hair ribbon).

I don't know what happens if/when the girls decide they don't want to wear their color anymore, but it worked for the two years I had playdates with them :)

How creative and hilarious! They look like funny little boys, too. I have fraternal twin girls that look very different, and still find it shocking that strangers ask me all the time how I tell them apart (I have eyes??!!) I'm sure you had similar experiences with your sister!

i'm an identical twinner and our parents told us apart by painting one of our toenails red. if we were in the bathtub covered in bubbles they had no clue. thankfully, they never dressed us the same but we did rock overalls almost everyday. it was the only way to grab us when we'd run in opposite directions!

I have identical twins and although their names are totally different (Tatiana and Gabriella), they look the same to most people. When they turned 2, Tatiana got two little moles by her ear on her cheek so that's what I usually tell people to look for if they need help. From the back, it's almost impossible for people to tell so they guess (50/50 shot right?) The funny thing about this is that my girls (they are 11 now) don't think they look alike at all. They are puzzled at how people think they look the same. :) Great story... I always love to see other twins!

Isn't this a little counterintuitive? If the purpose of the exercise is to ensure the boys develop their sense of individuality isn't this hampered somewhat by the fact that their hair styles are being so rigidly controlled?

My brothers are identical twins who were rarely dressed identically. They don't seem particularly damaged by being mistaken for each other but have both experimented with hair lengths throughout their lives as they learned to express themselves.

It's a cute idea but not one to rigidly stick to as the boys grow older, perhaps?

As an identical twin myself, I disagree deeply with this idea. Not from a perspective of being able to tell one twin from the other, but because it forces an identity on the one twin with longer hair! Why not just give them different enough names and let them grow into their own personalities, instead of pre-conditioning a way to tell them apart? My sister and I have very different first names and have distinctly different voices (due to surgeries we had right after we were born) but we looked enough alike as young children that even I have a hard time telling who is who in photographs. I think it's something you just have to deal with, being a twin, naturally looking so much like someone else, having such a deep relationship with them, and develop your own self, personality, and identity from that. It's nothing that any non-twin can really understand, and not even a parent.

yes, chiara, i hear you....although i think for individuality's sake, having longer hair is better than getting asked "which one are you?" multiple times a day :) also, sharon said she would do this "until the boys protest" so she's super open to doing what they want. she's the best mom!

I have a twin brother and I am so glad my parents didn't name us with similar names, like both starting with the same letter, etc. When we were born, there were distinct differences in coloring (i had light features and his dark) so that wasn't an issue either. But, the hair length is a great trick for when they get older!

I have an identical twin , and we have used that same method for many years now. My name is Nicole, I'm shorter in height and hair length, and younger, while my sister is taller with longer hair, and older with a longer name, Brittany. Seems to work alright.

cute idea Sharon! I suppose all that matters is what you decide on as a mnemonic device for early in their lives. By the time they're old enough to choose their own hair styles their personalities and looks will be distinctive enough that their friends and teachers will easily be able to tell them apart.

Growing up my best friends were twins. Their personalities were so distinctive but their parents dressed them the same and they had a matching bedroom set. None of their dearest friends and teachers had trouble telling them apart still different hair cuts might have been helpful for first meetings!!

I'm not a twin but have a younger sister who was always mistaken for my twin...and we were constantly mixed up! My mom would always tell people A comes before L in the alphabet and Ashley is older than Lindsey. So as long as you knew who was older, it was a good trick for remember who was who. But I still answer to Lindsey - you really get used to it!

Here's my only issue with it - Oscar has much cuter hair! I think Owen got a bum deal! I LOVE the longer hair! But whatever works - it's nice to have people know automatically who is who. Kudos to her!

I love this! I have a few friends with twins and feel so bad that I'm still asking who's who. I worry that the boys will think I don't find them special and unique. When I met Owen and Oscar, I loved that I could address them personally right from the start. So clever. And I have no doubt the boys will let their mother know when they're tired of the trick.

I have friends who are identical twins, except one has a freckle on his iris (they both have very blue eyes). They are both well into their twenties with very individual styles, but it was very helpful when they were younger.

At my daily job I have to do with a twins ...I always remember who is who by watching the bigger one.. and I said to myself she is MORE big and her name starts with M lol kinda little trick that works for me

My sister (and business co-owner!) and I are indentical twins both with names starting in C but sounding very different - Carolyn and Cynthia. Much to my surprise (as it is not genetic), I had identical twin boys - one was born a little heavier and had a pronounced dimple so we always could tell them apart by making them smile (not so easy with tears). Now sometimes, my boys will get my twin and me confused so they really understand what it's like to have a twin!

My husband has twin brothers and in all the pictures I can tell them apart by this posture my mother-in-law told me about. one of the "boys" (she called them that even when they were grown up men!) always slouched!

Clever solution to the problem of telling them apart. I had a friend who had identical twin girls. At first it was a challenge, but they soon showed that they had different personalities and it became easier to tell them apart. But it was spooky that sometimes they would say the same thing at the same time out of the blue.

I have two sets of identical twins as students in my high school English classes. It's such a drag always asking teen boys, "Which one are you?" I seat them on opposite sides of the room so there's less confusion. They seem used to it, though, and not terribly put out by the question...good sports!

I began reading Sharon's blog a couple months ago and can't get over how impeccably dressed her kids are. The three of them are absolutely precious, and their story makes me look forward to raising my future kids here in the city.

my boyfriend is an identical twin, too! when he and his brother were little, their parents dressed them in separate colors. christopher always was in blue and michael in red. funny enough, they still (maybe unconsciously) do this now--i swear christopher has a closet full of blue shirts and michael has way more red than his brother.love seeing these sweet photos!

Hi, Joanna!My sister, Abby, and I are identical twins. I am forever grateful that our names didn't rhyme. It helped us be individuals. Yet, now that we're in college, we're roommates! I think you need to let twins know they're their own person. The only time I wished we had match names like "Abby and Annie" was in the yearbook when two other Carlsons (not related) were between us!

My dad is an identical twin, born in the 40s. His name is Ken and his brother's name is Ben. Their real names: Kenneth and Bernard (a family name). There was no telling them apart. But that is the way it was done, just as my grandma didn't know she was having twins until a few days before she delivered (and she is 4'10 and 90 lbs soaking wet). She already had a 2 year old and a 1 year old at home when she delivered them. When I ask her about it today, about how hard it must have been and how she managed, she says, you just managed. She also says, the twins were always easy b/c as long as you put them in the crib together they would settle one another.

My cousins are Brendan and Matthew and as babies Brendan always wore blue. Once they were older and outgrew that we can remember who's who similar to your friend but by luck... Matt keeps his hair buzzed and Brendan prefers his longer. As long as you think Matt and not Matthew it works!

What a clever idea! I had good friends growing up who were identical twins, and to help in the telling-apart, their parents had one of the girls wear a little gold cross earring in her left ear. That worked until late-elementary school, when they both got their ears pierced and started tricking their teachers. :) XO, Katie

My sister and I are identical too. My mom could tell us apart from the time we were born but no one else in the family could, their solution…. I have a birth mark on my right arm pit and every one would just lift up my arm to see who was who. This stopped being cool when I was about nine and so I had my mom chop off my hair (this stopped being cool when I turned fifteen). Now that we are older we just tell people who is who rather than doing physical markings (although my brother once threatened to henna and S on my forehead).

two of my good friends are identical twins and, of course, i can tell them apart. but some use the trick their mother came up with as she named them: one of them has a freckle on her forehead that "dots her eye" to remember that she is Isabella. isn't that smart?

When I first met my now two best friends in college who are identical twins I remembered their names because Heather had long hair and Ashlee had shorter. They didn't do it on purpose for people to remember who was who obviously but it sure helped the first year, now they look so completely different from each other in my mind that I forget their identical.

I agree that it would be helpful to spare the boys the constant "which one are you dilemma." I might use a necklace with owen with a big W and oscar with a bid C or something. I really like the hair idea, but i think the longer cut is cuter. That is my only reservation. Really cute boys.

I have fraternal twin boys who like identical to many people (not everyone). I find that once people really know them, they can tell them apart. Their names are Hugh and Harry, not because I wanted them to both have "H" names, but because I like "H" names. (We have a dog named Henry). They are seven now, and they really don't seem to care when people ask which one they are. They just answer and move on. I think they just understood at a young age that people aren't always going to be able to tell them apart. We have always encouraged them to look at being a twin as a great blessing and privilege, and I think they somehow intuitively know that having to answer the "which one are you?" question is a small price to pay for the fact that every night is a sleep over and you have your best friend with you on every family vacation! ;-)

My baby boys aren't identical (the first born is a little bigger) but they seem to grow more identical each day... this solution sounds great to me!I already spent one morning without realizing that I mixed them up. Shame on me, they really don't look like each other if you see them together.

At first, I immediately wanted join camp "But Owen is going to develop a complex!" However, after reading the comments, more specifically your responses to them, I'm feeling a little bit less like Owen is going to get his MBA at Columbia while Oscar goes off with the Peace Corps. In fact, I don't think i cared what my hair looked like until I was at least... twelve. This totally sounds like one of those things my mom would do and not tell us about until we were 21!

Thanks Joanna for posting this! I had to laugh as I read it because Oscar just recently demanded an "Owen haircut". It was bound to happen sooner or later. So we gave him one! Now they are both sporting buzzcuts. Except I made sure Oscar's is still a smidge longer. . .ha!

What a great idea! I am a twin too (I even have a blog that I share with my twin sis), but we're not identical--we don't look much alike at all. My sister has always been taller and had darker hair (except for a brief period of time as toddlers when we both had light blonde hair).

I am also a twin and I use to hate when people would panic and not be able to tell us apart (this went on all the way up to university when my sister and I had very different styles)! As a kid, my parents (quite unfortunately) dressed us the same and we had identical haircuts so is it any wonder people had a hard time. Since I have a beauty mark on my cheek we use to tell people to look at the mark to identify me!

Ha! My fifth grade teacher was an identical twin. Every once in awhile a student would run into his twin brother, and say "Hi! Mr. O!" and his brother would reply cryptically, "I'm not who you think I am!"

As a mom to identical twin girls, age 3, I struggle with this too. I like this idea but then you need to see both at the same time to determine whose hair is longer. I am trying to tell people the subtle differences between my girls. Sometimes I do dress mine alike (never thought I would) but (1). we received a lot of matching outfits as gifts (2). much easier to keep track of them (plus brother) in a public place like a park when they are dressed the same (3). makes morning job of getting 3 under age 5 dressed and ready to go.

I have 3 year old identical twin girls and I have got to say, those twin boys don't look identical to me at all! Our girls are mirror image twins and if they're standing still, not talking and naked, it'd damn near impossible to tell them apart! They never wear matching outfits for obvious reasons :)

Something about coding kids like that makes me uncomfortable. I don't find it adorable at all. I remember having the same problem as Mary and Laura in the Little House books with my younger sister, in that she was brunette and I was blonde so I always got pink and she always got blue . . . in everything. Ugh. Also, I have three singleton kids (and long done having kids), but If I had had twins, I know my husband I would never have given them matching names or rhyming names. I know validating each one's uniqueness would be very important to me. I also never, never bought matching clothes for my daughters (or son!), much less matching mine to theirs (YIKES!). As kids grow (and I have one in college now), they follow such different paths, manifest such different identities and celebrating that is important to me. I also firmly believe the old adage that "no child is born into the same family" -- and believe this must hold true even for twins. Vive la difference, and those who can't figure out will just have to ask.

I'm a fraternal look a like twin. We look almost identical except for slight differences (I'm 2 inches taller, she has a longer face, our noses are just slightly different). My parents named us with "B" names and I've always hated that. Everyone confuses us anyway, but to give us the novelty of having almost the same name just was over the top. Brittany & Brianna. It was really hard growing up, and I would never do that if I had twins.

i just had my identical twin girls 1 month ago! we painted one girl's toenails just in case they both are naked and we can't figure out who is who. when they are together we can tell them apart since one is 1 lbs heavier, but it's hard when they're in separate places because the smaller one's cheeks are starting to plump up.

We have twin boys. When they were really little one always had something blue and one something green on. Now they are 7. My boys enjoy being twins. They dont seem to mind when someone mixes them up. but, they do always correct them. I like to see how people deal with it. One friend yells out a name to see who responds then remember what they are wearing.

My boyfriend is a fraternal twin, but since his mother went in to labor the day of her ultrasound, his parents didn't know they were having twins until she had already given birth to the first boy! They had a name all picked out for his brother and had to quickly decide on one for my boyfriend. I always laugh because his brother was this sweet tiny little blonde haired blue eyed gerber baby and my boyfriend was a chunky red head with a comb over like a used car salesman. What a shock that must have been! (aparently his dad fainted)

I'm an identical twin. :) Our mom painted our toenails different colors, until she forgot which was which after a few months. We were really adventurous and clumsy! tomboys, so after a while she just had to remember who had the bigger bruise on their leg/ elbow/ forehead/ etc that week. <3

My boys are 12 months and family who sees them all the time still have a hard time telling them apart. Their features are very very similar but they have different face shapes so they're fraternal (people still argue with me and tell me they're identical, if their face shapes are different, they can't be!) The only thing I do right now is put Ethan in the more masculine color (blue, black, etc.) because people always think he's a girl if he's wearing red or white. Eli always gets the less masculine, but still masculine nonetheless, color. And Eli always gets green binkies, sippy cups, etc while Ethan gets blue, but that's just so that we can remember whose is whose.

I'm a twin, and that's pretty much exactly what we did when we were little. Longer hair-short name; Short hair-longer name. My mom was able to tell everyone that. But even that can become redundant. But it decreases the other question: "Which one are you?"

I have identical twins. When they were babies, we fed one twice and didn't feed the other and couldn't figure out why he was crying. We felt terrible and I actually put a permanent marker dot on one guy's foot. Yikes. Then we moved to sweet bracelets that had initials. Early on Hank got a beauty mark mole on his upper lip. For years that was how people were telling them apart. They are nine now and Joe is growing the same mole!

Oh, and as for naming them? I got to name one and my husband the other! We each got to pick something special to us.

I have a fraternal twin brother (I'm a female), and when we were babies people would ask my mom how she tells us apart. instead of saying something snarky like "UM I JUST LOOK IN THEIR DIAPER" she would just say, "oh, I have my ways..." :)

Thank you so much for this post. And any posts on motherhood and twins/siblings. Those boys are identical? I'd never thought so, they look different - not just hair style! It makes me convinced now that I need to do a test to find out if my girls are identical or not. I have 13 months old twin girls and I don't need anything to tell who is who - I just look at their faces, but no one else is really able to tell them apart. My husband's father is a twin as well and my husband cannot distinguish voices of his father and his uncle.

diana, HUGE congratulations!!!! :) hope you're doing well and aren't too tired:) i love the toenail painting idea. and Kristina, that is hilarious:) i always wanted a twin brother--and so did my twin sister!

I'm an identical twin. We were always dressed in similar outfits but different colors. I wore pink/purple my sister work green/blue. Guess what our favorite colors are now? The ones we didn't get to wear! But that is the only way I can tell us apart in some baby pictures!

I have identical twin boys, and honestly, I thought I invented the "longer hair/ longer name" theory! I have Xavier and Maxwell (but he goes by Max, thus, the shorter name). They went through a period (when they were nine) where they both grew their hair really long. Then Max could not take it anymore and said he wanted to shave his head... so he did. Their baseball team was so happy, because they now finally had an easy way to tell them apart! I think Xavier has enjoyed keeping his hair longer, because he knows it make him different from his brother, but he will still cut it short from time to time. Luckily, Xavier has a scar on the back of his head, so you can tell them apart that way when they both have their heads shaved. I always worried about people not getting to know them for who they were... just that they are a twin. But then I also remind them of the uniqueness of their situation, and that they are so lucky to have someone else so close to them. It's been a really interesting ride, watching them grow. :0)

We've got identical twins and wanted short names for both, which would have caused confusion. We named them Alex and Jack. Unluckily, soon after they were born, Jack had part of his leg amputated (below the knee)... but this also lead to it being much easier for folks to tell them apart - one leg, one syllable = Jack, two legs, two syllables = Alex!

I'm an identical twin and my parents rule was to give us totally different names (Audra and Larissa opposed to Jamie and Jennifer) and let us form our own personalities. Also, in photos, it was Audra on the right, Larissa on the left. We even had moles on our temples in that order. You could tell us apart by that (until we had them removed).

My husband is an identical twin...his parents went with somewhat matching names (Justin and John) and they always had the same haircut, etc! It is impossible to tell them apart in photos from their childhood...thankfully you can nowadays!

I have identical, 3 year old twin girls and the only way we could tell them apart as babies was Lola gained weight faster and her face filled out and Ava's didn't. Now most people can tell them apart by their hairstyles.

i am an identical twin too and my sister zoe and i look exactly the same. when we were little, my parents dressed us all in one color so i only wore blue and my sister only wore purple. it worked for a little while but then we wanted to wear different colors and it stoped working. fortunatly we have very differwnt names (kaylie and zoe) so thats good. we used to have different hair lengths like your boys but now we dont and its actually kind of fun. even our parents and my brother get us mixed up!

I am having twins, a girl and a boy, and I want to know what you think about similar names. I was thinking Andrew and Anika, but is it a bad idea to give twins matching names? Ideas? Because they are not the same gender, it won't be an issue to tell them apart, but I have been told that it's not a good idea to give twins matching names, and it keeps them from having their own identity, but what do you think?

My sister-in-law had twins and gave each one a color that started with the first letter of their name: Orange for Oakley, Green for Greg. So far almost everyone has picked it up:) That won't work when they're older, but they'll have all sorts of fun pranks to pull on their teachers and friends like my dad (who is an identical twin) and his brother still do in their late 50's.

I am a triplett and my sister and I are identical and our brother is fraternal. Sis and I had mirrored moles on our cheeks. But so dad could tell us apart she gave us bracelets with our names made out of beads, that we wore.

It is really admiring to see identical twins, especially if they have contrasting attitudes. I remember my friends who often argue whenever we play basketball.http://newshealthtoday.com/talking-about-identity-472.html

I make and sell baby anklets at my Etsy shop that has been very popular with twins and triplets! You can get them plain colors or customize them with letter beads or I can embroider the names on them. Come by my shop and take a look!https://www.etsy.com/shop/EverythingPrecious

Joanna,I have an identical twin sister, Nicole. Before we were born, my parents were sure we would be boys. They had decided on Samuel and Nicholas. Needless to say, these names didn't quite fit anymore when they finally discovered we were going to be girls. So, the just made Samuel into Samantha and Nicholas into Nicole! :)