Standing strong together

Sunday

What makes a marriage last? For the Nelsons, it's continually showing their love and never considering divorce as an option.

It seems to run in the family.

Maxine Nelson, 78, and six of her siblings have been married more than 50 years. A seventh sibling has been married more than 40.

Norman and Maxine Nelson were raised in Indiana by two sets of parents who both had good reasons to divorce, but decided to stick together.

Splitting the family up was never an option, Norman Nelson said. That commitment had a profound effect on her and her siblings, Maxine Nelson said.

Only one of her siblings has had significant marital troubles, and she supported the couple through the hard times.

"I think it's the role model you have set before you" that affects how a person lives, Norman Nelson suggested.

Maxine Nelson's siblings, the Coleman family, and their spouses get together twice a year. They come from Ohio, Indiana and Alabama to Mishawaka, Ind., near South Bend.

The kids have the option of attending the summer gathering, but the Christmas event is Coleman-siblings-only, said Judy Fitzpatrick, the Nelsons' 40-year-old daughter.

Fitzpatrick couldn't define exactly how her parents' example in marriage helped her in hers, but she believes their strong faith helped keep them together.

She never saw her parents conflict. It's ingrained in her to work out differences with her spouse, she said.

Donna DuBois, Maxine Nelson's sister, said she and her husband, Paul, had hard times like nearly all marriages.

In their case, the difficulties struck when their son died in the 1970s, she said. They eventually learned to stand strong together and are a closer couple because of it.

"She's helped me through everything," Paul DuBois said of his wife. They have been married 51 years.

Divorce wasn't an option. "I guess we're just old-fashioned," he said with an audible shrug.

Neither of the Nelsons knew themselves well when they married at 19 years old in 1948. They met each other in grade school and didn't start dating until Norman Nelson's oldest brother got serious with Maxine Nelson's oldest sister. The older siblings were later married.

The younger couple had the good sense to marry each other, but that was about as far as it went.

"I knew I loved you," Maxine Nelson told her husband.

He guessed she had a better understanding of herself than he did of himself. Even now they surprise each other from time to time.

"I love you more now because I know you better," Norman Nelson told his wife.

The Nelsons live in Creston, but for much of their married life, they moved around between Indiana, Michigan, Alabama, West Virginia and Ohio.

Norman Nelson, a pastor in the Church of God, went where churches needed pastors.

"If you didn't yell and stomp, you were not a preacher," he said, reflecting on expectations decades ago. Churches didn't have microphones, so "you got used to talking loud," he said.

He learned to be a husband and father, not a preacher, at home.

He tried hard each day to greet his wife with a smile and upbeat "Hi Honey," leaving his work behind.

It made a difference for her, she said. Because they moved frequently and often left good friends behind, maintaining her marriage was especially important, she said.

The couple rarely disagrees and has never fought. "That's because of her, not me," he admitted. "She's the one that's a very humble person."

Considering one's spouse goes both ways, he noted.

The two most important words he learned early in their marriage? "Yes Dear."

Reporter Sarah Skylark Bruce can be reached at (330) 287-1623 or e-mail sbruce@the-daily-record.com.

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