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How Dare You…

Page Six reports shocking news this morning. So shocking, in fact, some of us had to take to our beds with smelling salts and hard liquor.

Unless you live under a rock, and with news like this we wish we did, you know Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are to be united in temporary wedded bliss this weekend in various cities about Europe, thus sullying the continent for the rest of us forever. Some will never hold Paris in high esteem with knowledge of what is about to take place on previously hallowed ground.

Women with both brains and daughters think we can’t get more shocked at the level of entitlement and trash. And then she surprises again. Like this morning, when the story leaks that Kardashian’s wedding dress is based on the dazzler worn by our beloved Princess Kate a few short years ago when we waved our hankies in joy. The reporter adds that Miss Kim feels the two share a royal kinship separated only by The Atlantic. And Kate’s refusal to shake hands for fear of contracting an STD.

The pair really share only one thing–the ability to buy pretty much whatever they want. One of them does that well and the other, well, can you say sparkly crop top? A couple of other minor things separate the two as well.

One is college educated. One knows high school is enough if your lifelong ambition is to share film of your butt hole and make a career out of that.

One has a classy husband. One is marrying a third time, to a braying blowhard with a Jesus complex.

One wears exquisitely tailored clothing. One squeezes a size 14 into a 2 and calls it fashion. When in doubt, add some bling, attach a peplum to your pants and pair a too-small crop top with a skirt.

One exercises and plays sports to maintain her figure. The other has the plastic surgeon on speed dial.

One believes less is more. The other believes more is more as in boobs, ass, men and ridiculousness.