Saturday, October 18, 2008

Life, it has its ups and downs.

For some of my siblings the downs are hard, but they can be an up at the same time.

My siblings and I have definitely defied the statistics on marriages staying together. I remember someone saying 50% of marriages end up in divorce. Well my family is looking a lot worse then that.

My older sister divorced,

my oldest sister had 2 bad marriages before she found the right person, my one marriage ended in divorce, my one brother divorced and remarried, a brother that is a widower- so he does not fall in that category, my 2 youngest sisters, not officially divorced, but their kids and they are living apart from their husbands.

And then I have 2 older brothers

who have made it through thick and thin for MANY years with their spouses.

My youngest sister just informed me that her husband left on Tuesday.

(I chose this photo because this past family reunion, she had come up from Alabama with herself and her 2 kids.And here in this photo she is cooking and her kids are playing on the camp site they had. )I am brought back to the challenges I faced in a situation of separation from first husband. For my sister, she is feeling a sense of this being the right thing. Whatever the issues were, they were unable to resolve them, and knowing my sister and her extreme ability to be tolerant, and take ALOT of crap, they must have had some pretty bad stuff.

For me it was not the same.

I had loved my husband and we had a 2 yr old son. The only reason there was sun rise and sun set was because of my son and husband. Every breath I took was devoted to them. So when the words came out of my husbands lips that he thought we should separate, it was like getting hit by a freight train out of no where. Why?? What was wrong?? I had not a clue!

I had to leave the home we were in,

moved into my moms and slept on her bedroom floor, and I tried to make sense of it all. The sadness that the memories of this time in my life are always there, hidden but ready to surface. And for my sister, even though she may not have been surprised by this chapter in her life, there are now things that are changed forever. The kids are dependant on only one person now, there is no "mommy time", the bills all belong to her, the trying to get child support, to find a job that pays enough to raise your kids, the decisions. I am glad for her and the kids if this is better, I am also saddened by the challenges that lie ahead. I pray that she, and anyone who is going through a break up of a marriage , that they find strength, pray, trust in God, Let go and Let God. And be patient, be strong, and demand financial assistance from your spouse. Get legal help, you must do that for your future and the future of your kids. Know I am thinking of you. Love Mrs Justa.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The other day Mark and I went for a short ride. BJ's had gasoline for 3.05 a gallon, so we headed over there, camera in the back seat.

I was on a mission, and warned Mark at any given moment we may need to pull over for a picture or two.

This is one we took. Sunday was a royal blue sky day, temps in the 60s, a slight breeze, clouds no where in sight. It is October, so the fields are full of green plants turning brown, drying out and the seeds beginning to fly off and replant in other areas.

These seeds have a bonus, they have wings for flight. I was thrilled to be able to capture the delicateness of the silk like threads that the seeds are entwined to.

As the pods are in different phases of retiring for the year, I was able to capture one totally open one just starting and one not even spread open at all. It got my attention for many reason, but it pointed out to me that even in Gods world of plants, each component has individualism to it. This plant grew at one time, yet the pods are all in different phases, all look different. It then brought my whacked out mind to thinking about families, and even though the kids came from the same mom and dad, they are very rarely identical in looks, behavior, shape or stages. Some of us mature quicker then our siblings, some slower. We are all unique in our own ways. We have been given talents, I have some siblings who can sing, others who can not, some thin some not so thin. It is just one of those things that takes my mind and sends it whirling.

We need to look for individualism and not look for people to be like the next person. We need to look for a person's talents and not wonder why one person can not be the same as another. We need to appreciate the good and not seek out the bad. I wish you patience in taking the time to find those special qualities in yourself and others, and thrive on the good. Until later, Love Mrs Justa

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"God promises safe land but not a calm passage" This is a Bulgarian proverb that I remind myself of all the time. This photo shows to me the calm land, the reaching to the sky, the smooth comforting clouds. The whisper of the grass in the breeze, slowly drifting back and forth , standing tall. But in between these blades of tall grass are burdocks. They stick to my clothes and hurt my fingers to pull them out.

It is like the paths in life, it appears the path will be smooth, but I miss the burdocks until it is too late.

I try to do my best every day, and I want the path to be safe, which it is, but the intruders make it not safe.

The roads I take to and from work, they themselves are safely made. The pavement is solid, the majority of the roads are well painted, but the people and animals that may choose to use the road when I am using it, they make the passage no longer calm or safe.

Work, my cubicle environment in itself it safe, the desk top firm, the computer , screen and chair modern. But the incidents of any day can take the calmness away. It can be the folks calling, a "full moon syndrome", it can be a boss, a co worker, a situation, anything can take the calm away. I am constantly trying to keep the calm in every minute of my life. I think I am too mellow. I think I try to be too soothing. I find myself too lax in life in general. I like the safe land, but I need to do better with the not so calm passages.

I feel at times I am fragile, and at times I feel strong. Oh it is so confusing to be me. My mind swirls, my long is for the calm, my life is not. How nice it would be to have the perfect world. I would not know. But I do know I am reminded every day of this proverb. Tread carefully all, Love and best of luck until later, Cindy

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Fall, a time of year when God paints the world in brilliant colors. Colors of reds, yellows, browns, oranges, splashed between green and rust. Fall, a time of reflection of the year that has past. Look at this brilliant red, it is effervescent.It almost appeared like there was a light in the middle of the bush accentuating its richness. Fall. Cooler nights, frost on the windows, the dew on the grass is crisp, a nip in the air that when we breathe it in, it makes our lungs stiffen for a moment.

Fall, when we pull out our snow tires and put away our yard ornaments, we grab our rakes and chase the leaves into piles, when we buy extra bird seed for the wild birds.

When the crock pot comes out from hiding, and soups and chili become meals that are longed for.

Fall, when shiny crisp apples are in high demand, and apple cider is on display at the stores. We begin to wear darker colors, and coats come out of hibernation. Shoes start having covered toes on them, sandals go into hiding. Sweaters hug our warmth in and shorts are tucked in the back of the drawer. Fall, as I drive to work I begin to see wisps of smoke coming from the furnace pipes and chimneys. A blanket , a couch and a nice book are replacements for a towel on the warm sand at the beach.

Fall, fields of brown corn stalks, pumpkins, plowed fields. Wood being split and stacked in neat piles, mowers get put to the back of the garage or shed. Fall, I love fall, find the beauty in it, for it goes too quick. Love to all. Mrs Justa.