Wednesday, March 11, 2009

it just wouldn't come right. he tilted the frame, he adjusted the lens. nothing. it was still a screwed up face that he couldn't click like a not screwed up face. she wasn't ugly, but surely wasn't beautiful either. the camera disliked her face that it actually would refuse to work at times with seasonal flu as excuses.

she was walking home after a long tiring day, kajal spread in the corner of her eyes, her hair tied up messily, while her walk looked lethargic but yet graceful. all she could think of was whether she was going to do it or not. He did mean a lot to her. but was it even real? And this was the only way out. it had been long enough. she decided to tell him the next day.

" is it alright if we involve aunty in this? she could come with you till you get settled""no mom, I'm old enough to take care of myself""this is not a trip you're going to rashee, its education, and its important. do you understand?""yes, mom."

maybe she could start by saying, "well, you know you're anyway always so preoccupied that you wont even notice that I'm gone.""maybe we could take this long distance"" its for the best""you never loved me anyway"

if it were such a loose relationship why would she even give an explanation. maybe somewhere he cared about her? maybe somewhere it did mean something. it was confusing. maybe it was just an embarrassment.

Her FB account now said that she was thinking. why even tell the world? attention? conveying? comments? what was it? she didnt know. but she just wanted something. some feeling.it had been a busy week. she had to decide fast.everything would be way much simpler and uncomplicated. she flipped a coin. took the best of three. pretended to not see it when it said she had to go.

is it easy to leave things? to give them up so hastily. is it just a moment of rightness? a fleeting thought of belonging.

"I don't know how to say this. but i was considering leaving. we spoke about it. maybe next week. what do you think?"

"Does it even matter?"

"oh".

the train was to leave in the afternoon and she was ready. that was the last that she spoke to him. he'd smiled sadly when she left. he knew he would miss her. but somethings just happen when they have to happen. and it wasn't time yet. maybe she was the one. the imperfection was perfect.

she looked back when she walked away from him. he knew she would. he clicked the picture.it still the remains the most beautiful picture he'd ever taken.