Schism opens way for creation of SinoPope

Published February 15, 2013 By
Mark A. Rayner

VATICAN CITY (The Skwib) — In the ecclesiastically chaotic schism between the Pope at the Vatican and the RoboPope at Avignon, the warring Popes have been able to agree on one thing: there is no room for a SinoPope.

Both the Vatican and Avignon Holy Fathers have excommunicated two bishops ordained by China’s state-controlled church without papal consent.

The state-conrolled quasi-religious Communist-Catholoic church — the Chinese Patriotic Catholic Association — announced that it was splitting from both Vatican- and Avignon-based Holy Fathers, was constructing its own android Pontiff to lead the Chinese “Catholics”.

A press release stated that the so-called SinoPope, would be superior in design to RoboPope, and that its organic components would include brain tissue cultured from the Chairman (Mao Zedong), thus ensuring its political purity and popularity with the Chinese people. (According to the Chinese schematics for their robotic religious leader, other organic parts must be replaced frequently, and thus will come from tissues harvested from recently executed “criminals”.)

Chinese officials have said they expect the SinoPope will be 70 percent infallible, and that the 30 percent fallibility is an acceptable loss.