Massachusetts Juveniles Suck At GTA, Suck More At Actual GTA

If I had to pick a single life lesson to take away from all my countless hours of Grand Theft Auto that I’ve played, I’d have to argue that the whole “killing a hooker to get your money back” thing was quite poignant. Well, according to two youths from Raynham, Massachusetts, apparently the molotov cocktail part was important too. Police responded, in the early hours of the morning, to a call that a number of molotov cocktails had been set outside of an apartment building. Oh, but don’t worry, because when they eventually caught the two boys responsible, the kids explained that GTA was to blame, not them. Ha, our bad.

Two juveniles were arraigned in court Monday morning after allegedly trying to set fire to a garage and an apartment building with makeshift Molotov cocktails.

The 12- and 16-year-old boys had been playing “Grand Theft Auto” video games Saturday night before their alleged pre-dawn crime spree.

“They appear to have crossed the line from virtual reality to reality,” Police Chief Lou Pacheco said. [Mr. Pacheco, that was the most epic quote ever -Ed.]

The younger of the suspects told police they got the idea from a video game they had been playing earlier in the night.

The explosive devices were made out of root beer and beer bottles. The boys appear to have made the wicks out of flame-retardant material [D’OH!-Ed.] from a chair cover, police say. [Enterprisenews]

You’re sh–ting me, right? A fire-retardant wick, you guys? Come on, people I’m ashamed to even have to claim these two as neighbors on planet Earth. They might as well start taking street crossing lessons from Frogger and letting me know how that goes over.