A Letter to My Freshman Year Self

As I write this, we’re getting ready to graduate. Yup, we’re actually going to do this. Imagine you, young Alyssa, “adulating” all over the place. But before I don our cap and gown, I wanted to take a few minutes to go back and share some things that I think you need to know. To be honest, we could have been more prepared for this college life, but fortunately, it’s not too late.

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We had a good run at these four years. Ultimately, I have no regrets. But whenever we reflect on any time in our lives, it’s natural to realize how we could have done things better. For me, this is one of those times. Having been through it and knowing what I know now, I feel I have some wisdom that I can impart to you.

Go easy on the binge drinking

We’ve heard the cautionary tales too many times to count, but I can say with confidence that there’s merit to them. I know, you’re not the only one. A whopping 35% of college students binge drink. I’m just saying that you may want to find some other ways to have fun. You know, ways that won’t end with you waking up in a strange place with no recollection of how you got there.

Nothing beats a classroom experience

Next semester, you’ll be tempted to take one of your classes online so you can sleep later. If you do this, understand that there is a tradeoff. There are benefits to taking classes online (flexibility is one of them), but you will miss the lectures. It’s a crazy thought, I know. But there’s something about sitting face-to-face with someone that helps enhance learning. If you do take that online course, spend some time getting to know your instructors to maximize your experience. It won’t exactly replicate the classroom, but it’ll help make things more personal.

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Join a club or activity

If you’re still thinking that binge drinking is an activity, go back and reread number one. We were all about the extracurriculars when they helped us get into college, but it was too easy to get wrapped up in the college life and let these things fall by the wayside. You should know that some of the same benefits apply to joining clubs in college as they do in high school. As a refresher, these include higher attendance rates, a higher GPA and better math scores. Gooo team!

Don’t toss the syllabus

It’s so tempting to throw the syllabus in the trash or stash it in a pile that will never see the light of day. After all, that’s what we did throughout high school. Well, this isn’t high school. And the syllabus has information that you’ll need to reference throughout the semester. Don’t be that student who never knows what’s going on.

Call home more often

At first, college will feel a bit like a vacation from the parents. This is completely normal, and it’s healthy to learn how to spread your wings. Just remember that these are people who will always be in your corner, no matter what. Don’t take those care packages and weekly Skype sessions for granted. There will come a time (or twelve) when you need these things more than you’d ever be willing to admit.

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And now you’re ready to start crushing on that boy across the hall (it’s a good move, so go for this one). There are so many great experiences ahead of you that I wish I could relive. Enjoy every minute of them! And now that you know all I know, you’re poised to make the most out of your freshman year.

7 Ways To Deal With Negative People

Some people will have a rain cloud hanging over them, no matter what the weather is outside. Their negative attitude is toxic to your own moods, and you probably feel like there is little you can do about it.

But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

If you want to effectively deal with negative people and be a champion of positivity, then your best route is to take definite action through some of the steps below.

1. Limit the time you spend with them.

First, let’s get this out of the way. You can be more positive than a cartoon sponge, but even your enthusiasm has a chance of being afflicted by the constant negativity of a friend.

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In fact, negativity has been proven to damage your health physically, making you vulnerable to high levels of stress and even cardiac disease. There’s no reason to get hurt because of someone else’s bad mood.

Though this may be a little tricky depending on your situation, working to spend slightly less time around negative people will keep your own spirits from slipping as well.

2. Speak up for yourself.

Don’t just absorb the comments that you are being bombarded with, especially if they are about you. It’s wise to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but being too quiet can give the person the impression that you are accepting what’s being said.

3. Don’t pretend that their behavior is “OK.”

This is an easy trap to fall into. Point out to the person that their constant negativity isn’t a good thing. We don’t want to do this because it’s far easier to let someone sit in their woes, and we’d rather just stay out of it.

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But if you want the best for this person, avoid giving the false impression that their negativity is normal.

4. Don’t make their problems your problems.

Though I consider empathy a gift, it can be a dangerous thing. When we hear the complaints of a friend or family member, we typically start to take on their burdens with them.

This is a bad habit to get into, especially if this is a person who is almost exclusively negative. These types of people are prone to embellishing and altering a story in order to gain sympathy.

Why else would they be sharing this with you?

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5. Change the subject.

When you suspect that a conversation is starting to take a turn for the negative, be a champion of positivity by changing the subject. Of course, you have to do this without ignoring what the other person said.

Acknowledge their comment, but move the conversation forward before the euphoric pleasure gained from complaining takes hold of either of you.

6. Talk about solutions, not problems.

Sometimes, changing the subject isn’t an option if you want to deal with negative people, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be positive.

I know that when someone begins dumping complaints on me, I have a hard time knowing exactly what to say. The key is to measure your responses as solution-based.

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You can do this by asking questions like, “Well, how could this be resolved?” or, “How do you think they feel about it?”

Use discernment to find an appropriate response that will help your friend manage their perspectives.

7. Leave them behind.

Sadly, there are times when we have to move on without these friends, especially if you have exhausted your best efforts toward building a positive relationship.

If this person is a family member, you can still have a functioning relationship with them, of course, but you may still have to limit the influence they have over your wellbeing.

That being said, what are some steps you’ve taken to deal with negative people? Let us know in the comments.