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Dog owners face prison

TOUGHER penalties for irresponsible dog owner are being proposed by the Government after news that 5,500 dog attacks have been recorded on postmen since 2011. So what will it mean for man and his best friend?

“Brutas, is that you?” growled Max. “Talk to me buddy.”

There was a scuffling sound and then a tear-streaked muzzle was thrust between the cell bars.

“You’re still here then, Max. We’re never going to get out of here are we?”

“Don’t talk like that mate. Barkhurst may be top security, but if we wag our tails and don’t bite anybody maybe they’ll transfer us to a Category 2 prison like Woofwood Scrubs.”

“Perhaps for you, but there’s no hope for me, not while my master’s still here on C Wing. Five years he got. You can hear him scream in the showers.”

“Don’t cry Brutas, get even! Think what we’ll do to that postie when we get out. A couple of nips, that’s all we gave him as he bent over to put that Second Class through the letter box. A bit of innocent fun is all it was and for that they throw away the key.”

“I don’t think my master sees it that way. He told the court I was just playful and they still sent both of us down.”

“That may have had something to do with your 29 previous convictions, the restraining order and that unfortunate incident with the Chihuahua at No 27.”

“Well I was hungry and it was all fur anyway. Stupid little dogs.”

“But the courts don’t see it that way any more. All they see is a tearful owner who says Fluffykins, who never hurt anyone, was gobbled up by a fat bull terrier which then chewed her walking stick.”

“It wasn’t a walking stick. It was a crutch…and who are you calling fat! Being thin didn’t do you much good did it. Four years for attacking a group of children at a picnic!”

“I was only after the sausage rolls.”

“Yeah, but the kiddies didn’t know that did they. Took one look at a big Alsatian with bigger teeth coming straight for them and ran away straight across a road. Hell of a mess.”

“All right, all right. Maybe I could have been a bit more subtle and sat up and begged, but it’s so undignified.”

“Better undignified and free than doing four years for a few sausage rolls.”

“Anyway, we’re locked up now for years. Look! Here comes a warder. Must be time for exercise! Wonder if I’ll get to use the tree first.”

“You’ll be lucky. That lot from E Wing goes out before us. Be six inches deep before we get out there.”