Tree Witch: Hey! How's it going?! [Brushes the bush off her dress.] Ugh! Is that true, what the bird said? You guys are heroes?

Finn: Why were you hiding in that shrub?

Tree Witch: Oh, I wasn't hiding. I'm a Tree Witch. I can turn into trees and shrubs and bushes and stuff. Check it out.

[She holds out her arms and they grow into mini trees. She then turns them back to normal.]

Jake: [Bored] Bleh.

Tree Witch: So listen, I need you two heroes to get me a lock of princess hair. [Scratches armpit then sniffs]

Finn: Why do you need princess hair?

Tree Witch: Why? 'Cause I have a balding problem! What, are you, blind? [Pats bald head] [Louder] Are You blind!?

Finn and Jake: No, we're not blind. [They nervously talk over each other.] I had no idea... I don't know...

Tree Witch: Anyway, I need the princess hair so I can put it on my head. [Sticks her head out] And then I'll be beautiful.

Finn: Oh, well, uh, we know lots of princesses.

[Jake stops him from talking and laughs nervously.]

Jake: [To the Tree Witch] Uh, can you, um, give us a minute?

Tree Witch: Yeah, okay.

Jake: [Whispering to Finn] Dude, I don't think we should help her.

Finn: [Whispering] Why not?

Jake: 'Cause she's a witch!

Finn: Maybe she's a good witch.

Jake: Her? Are you kidding? Come on, look at her! [She turns her finger into a Venus fly trap and it swallows a butterfly.] If she was good, she wouldn't be so ugly.

Tree Witch: Are you guys still talking?!

Finn: So what do we do? Tell her we can't help her 'cause she's ugly?

Jake: No, man! She'll kill us or put a freaky curse on us or something. [Glances at her] Let me get rid of her with some of my world-famous smoove talking. [He walks over to the Tree Witch.] [Smooth talking with romantic music in the background] Hey. Sorry about that, girl. [Lies down] Ahh. You don't mind if I take a load off, do you?

Tree Witch: What were you guys talking about?

Jake: How pretty you are.

Tree Witch: Huh?

Jake: We were just saying someone as pretty as you doesn't even need a full head of hair. [Finn bends down next to him.] Isn't that right, buddy?

Finn: Uh, yeah, totally!

Tree Witch: Nuh-unh! [Giggles]

Jake: Girl, if I didn't already have a G.F., I'd be on you like butter on toast!

[Tree Witch lies down on ground next to Jake.]

Tree Witch: [Seductively] I don't mind if you have a G.F.

Jake: Oh. Umm…

Finn: Dude, I don't think it's working.

Jake: Yeah, I think I'm making things worse.

[Tree Witch touches Jake's leg.]

Jake: Ah-ah-ahhh!

Tree Witch: Hey.

Jake: What?

Tree Witch: How would you... court me?

Jake: Um... spaghetti dinner?

Tree Witch: Hmm.

Finn: Look, Lady, we can't help you get princess hair.

Tree Witch: Why not?

Finn: Because... we only help when someone's in danger. [Jake smiles at Finn's logic.]

Tree Witch: Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?

[The Tree Witch stands up and clears her throat. She grunts and uses magical powers to pick up Jake.]

Jake: Hey... uh... what's—?! Yaaah! Hey!

[She places him on the ground then sits on him.]

Tree Witch: There. Now someone's in danger.

Jake: I told you she was evil!

Finn: Grrrrrr.... Yaah!

[Finn gets angry and charges at the Tree Witch. He jumps to attack her, but she deflects him with a force field.]

Tree Witch: What, you forget I'm a witch?

Finn: Maybe.

Tree Witch: Well, maybe you should get me some princess hair, so maybe your friend doesn't get sucked into my bottomless bottom!

Finn: Huh. Wait. Does she even have hair? [Finn gets really close to Lumpy Space Princess, the wind blowing and revealing her body covered in very short purple hair.] She does! Well... hair is hair.

[He pulls out a pair of scissors. Lumpy Space Princess wakes up in the middle of him clipping her hair.]

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my Glob! What the stuff are you doing?! Why are you cutting my lumps?!

Finn: Because they're, uh... So--

Lumpy Space Princess: [Gasps] I knew you liked me.

Finn: No, I don't! I-I'm just stopping by because--

Lumpy Space Princess: Just admit it, Lover Boy! You can't resist me! Well, if you want these lumps, you gotta put a ring on it! Where's my ring?! [Finn does a high-pitch scream and runs away.] I knew you liked me, Finn. That's why you're running! Get in touch with your feelings, babe!

[Finn is now running through a dark, ominous graveyard.]

Finn: What am I gonna do? Huh? A graveyard? Yes! There's got to be a hairy princess in there that won't think I'm hitting on her![Finn goes around all the tombstones.] Princess? Princess? Princess? Ugh! Come on! Bingo! [He stops at a grave stone and starts reading what it says.] "Here lies Princess Beautiful. She was so beautiful." Hey, that's perfect! And sort of macabre. Oh, well. [Finn starts digging up the grave.] Aha! [He reaches the casket and opens it.]

Princess Beautiful: Hi, Finn.

Finn: Ohh!

[Finn moves her skull around checking to see if she has any hair.]

Princess Beautiful: What? What are you -- Please stop.

[Finn climbs out of the hole followed by Princess Beautiful.]

Finn: Where's her hair?!

Princess Beautiful: Thanks, Finn. [Leaves]

[Finn pushes away grass from the bottom of the tombstone so he can read the rest of what it says.]

Finn: "Here lies Princess Beautiful. She was so beautiful, but died of baldness?!" Dang it!

[Scene shifts to the Tree Witch and Jake, who is even deeper in her bottom.]

Tree Witch: [Mumbling to herself] I'm gonna look so beautiful... Invited to all the parties.

Finn: [Arriving] Jake! Jake! I'm sorry, man. Getting princess hair is -- is impossible! They all just think I'm in love with them! Ugh! I can't do it. You're gonna have to spend the rest of your life in this witch's butt.

Jake: Noooo!

Tree Witch: Eh! Quiet down! I'm daydreaming!

Jake: [Whispering] Dude, if they think you like them, then use that. Embrace it! Find the least terrible princess you can, play her some music, cook her a meal, smoove talk her until she likes you. And then get the hair!

[Finn is holding an ax, standing in front of Princess Bubblegum, who is watering her plants.]

Princess Bubblegum: Hi, Finn!

Finn: Uh... I need you to come with me!

Princess Bubblegum: Why? I'm watering right now.

[Finn smacks the water can out of her hand.]

Finn: Just come on. We don't have much time!

[They enter an open spot in the woods with a pot of boiling water in the middle.]

Princess Bubblegum: What is this, Finn?

Finn: We're gonna have a spaghetti dinner.

Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! Really? Where do we sit?

[Finn immediately goes off yelling and chops down a tree.]

Princess Bubblegum: Um, Finn?

[Finn then chops up the tree even more to creates seats for both of them.]

Finn: Put your butt here! Hurry!

Princess Bubblegum: Oh. [She does.]

[Finn pulls a fancy table cloth from his backpack along with silverware, dishes, and a candle and places it all on the stump. He then turns to a ladybug with a violin.]

Finn: Hey, Simon, make it romantic. [He pays him a dollar; Simon starts playing his violin. Finn then goes to the boiling pot of water and pulls the spaghetti out with his bare hands.] Oww! Here, shove this in your mouth! It's hot!