Monday, July 30, 2007

me, my friend and mareng oprah: in being "wise" and single

the other day, i am with one of my closest friend in baguio. lately, she has been my constant buddy here in manila after her graduation. reminiscing our college life and people from the campus were the usual topic of our conversation.

suddenly, she dwell on the issue of me haven't had any (known) relationships before. knowing i am not really comfortable talking about my personal life, she has able to save all the guts she needed to ask me that. although surprised of the question, i realized i also haven't had asked myself that question too.

" you tell me," i said.

" well, unlike most of the people i know, i think it's because you're smarter," she answered.

i jerked laughing. " why do you say that?'" i asked.

she bursted laughing too. i felt she's throwing sarcasm on me again. then she paused.

" i dunno. knowing you for the longest time i just realized you're too smart to engage into some petty relationship," she explained i think on her defense.

" so you think, college relationships are petty relationships?" this is the que of a good debate. i can just sense it.

" not all. probably what i am referring at is more with regard to the set up that you have chose," she retaliated. i know where exactly she is leading me.

" well, open relationship is not really that bad and complicated. i mean, if the main purpose of having someone is for mutual growth. then why would we need to restrict them or restrict ourselves with the conventional set up? probably, what i am just driving at is i find it very selfish to expect something to your partner if not always, just because you have committed yourself to one another---the conventional norm. well, it worked for me for the past six years. less expectations, less hurt. call me hypocrite, call me manhid but the thing is i have lived and became happy with it," i explain imagining myself as a love therapist.

" well i couldn't argue with that it is you're choice," she doted the issue.

"exactly!'" end of the conversation. there goes the victorious smile and the evil laughter within.

then that night, i've watched a replay of oprah. there she said, "the wiser a person gets the harder for him/her to find a partner."

hearing this, i tried myself shying away from the assumption. not because i finally found myself getting smarter everyday ( which i think is normal by the way) or i haven't had any stable relationship for the longest time. i just realized, it would be such a dilemma if i am going to choose between staying smart or being single (that equates to being lonely) for the rest of my life.

no worries. there will always be hongkong if you know what i mean. no visa, cheap plane ticket and more demands.

but i think one reason is you tend to rationalize too much that you tend to look outside the box. weighting the advantages and disadvantages of the relationship rather than considering the feeling and emotions attached to it.