Grabbers

Written on 11 January 2014

Synopsis

GIANT TENTACLE MONSTERS take a break from ravaging the HIGH SCHOOLS of JAPAN to visit quaint, picturesque IRELAND. Unfortunately they turn out to be allergic to ALCOHOL, which makes IRELAND a pretty fucking poor holiday destination.

By the Numbers

Trawler crew who know how to radio “mayday”: 0

Feckin’ lobsters: 0

Therapeutic wine gums: 2

George-from-Being-Humans: 1

Welding masks effective against giant blue octopi: 0

Haggard sea-dogs: 3

Beheaded headbuttings: 1

Vicious little fucks stamped on by vicious larger fucks: 1

Adorable baby octopus-shoggoth-facehuggers: 47

Adorable babies nailed to bars: 1

Pounds of Lottery money spent on reinforcing national stereotypes: 4,000,000