Grecian Formula
By James Castwell

A funny thing happens when you get to be my age. For
years, all of my friends didn't change, change how
they looked I mean. Now they are. Oh, they may have
grown up some, re-did a hair style or sprouted a
mustache, but for the most part, they always looked
the same. But, now they are starting to look funny,
not 'funny ha ha,' funny-different sorta.

Their ears are growing and their noses are getting
bigger too. Strange looking spots are showing up on
their hands, grey is replacing brown and eye-glasses
are getting thicker. Attitudes too are becoming
unpredictable, mine included I am afraid, but that
is another matter.

When my health care provider (Doctor, to you other old guys)
said I should give up half of my fly fishing, I asked,
"which half, talking about it, or thinking about it?"
I find I spend far too much time on this confounded
computer than time on the stream. I am going to take
some precautions to guard against any further
deterioration of this situation. I am no dummy, I have
been watching TV and I am going to send away for some
stuff, mostly pills.

I remember when pills were like the silverware in a cheap
restaurant, something to be taken after meals. No longer.
The word on the street these days is 'take them before
ya get whatever the hell it is that you are most certainly
are destined to get,' so I'm going to start right away.

Now, since fly fishing is so darn important to me and
my health seems to be about par for my age, it only makes
sense to guard against things that may infringe upon it.
Things like, 'double-haul castersitis.' That succa could
put me out of business big-time. I am sure that Orvi$ must
have a pill to prevent that one. And what about, 'can't
see the *&^% tippetism?' Not me, my catalog from 'Eyes R Us,'
should arrive soon and I bet there will be some preventative
drops in there for sure.

Wading. Ya know, wandering about in a stream wagging a stick?
Balance could go. 'Mega-Balance,' great for the inner ear,
that will keep me upright at all times, plus a wading shaft,
they claim. Not sure, but a on-line pharmacy should have
some of it. I am not bothered yet with the hernia, but a
guy can't be too careful, going to get a hernia-belt tomorrow.

A bit off the subject here, but have you noticed how
most old people have better teeth than middle aged ones?
Straighter and whiter too, I need to look into this soon,
real soon. But, how about 'casters (tennis) elbow?' I saw
a brace the other day, might get one for my wrist too,
just in case.

'Ointment,' now there is a funny word if I ever heard one,
almost makes me chuckle just to say it out loud. Try it,
Ointment...make a little snorting sound when you say it,
see? Odd word. Anyway, back to my subject. What was I
writing about. Oh, yes, ointment. Make that pleural,
ointments. (are salves the same things?) ( what the
hell are 'balms?') I was never sure. Think I would rather
rub on some salve than an 'Ointment,' but anyhow, I must
get one or the other for my back. No, it doesn't hurt...
yet, but from what I have seen on TV, it sure is going to,
and soon they say, yup, better get some tomorrow too.

I have heard of a disease, or sickness, or some such
condition that old people get, 'Old-timers disease,' I
think it is called. It must be new, all my ancestors ever
had was 'Senility,' but then again, they were not well off
and could only afford the bare necessities. There must be
a prevention of sorts for the stuff whatever it is I am
going to get.

Yup, I am going to be prepared. Pills, salves, balms,
ointments, drops. This way I can continue in life with
small ears, small nose, good back, great arm muscles and
tendons and sharp eyes. Wonder when my teeth will turn
nice and white?