Daggers of Donaldham

Intermission

Following the mind-rape of Harry the Hobbit, our questing quintet brought the remains of the Idol of the Hellaq to a wizard, hoping to have the artifact reconstructed through a “Make Whole” ritual. The wizard was quite capable of this task, and further asked our heroes if they would like the masking enchantment restored. Apparently, someone had cast a spell to hide the card which had been secreted within the Idol, and which Landen, Son of Landen, now possessed. They declined, and brought the now reforged Idol of Hellaq to Samuel.

When found at his improvised residence at the Docks, signs of a hasty escape were all around. Most of the camp was packed and ready to go, even though Samuel himself had assured the coterie that he would be there for several days. Nevertheless, Samuel was happy to see the Idol had been found, and paid the heroes the promised bounty. He then departed quickly, with his bodyguard Bloody Nikita promising that any interference would result in the interferor being skinned and made into a coat. It was because of this promise that our brave adventurers agreed to sleep at the Dagger Mansion tonight, lest the secret of the missing card be found and they become evening wear.

The humanoid members of the coterie retired to the Mansion’s barracks, while I.D.10.T. left for the Library, to study the books recovered from the Serpentine Tower. He read of the elemental forces that so fascinated Bob Sapp, and found himself overcome with a strange feeling of slowness and burden. For the first time, the great arconstruct fell asleep.

Each of our ravishing roughnecks opened their eyes to find themselves on a strange, alien terrain, gazing up at the stars. Convinced he was asleep and experiencing a “lucid dream”, Dr. Vivus began sexually accosting various group members. No sooner had he begun, however, than a booming voice called out from everywhere and nowhere. The voice, that of the sorcerer Bob Sapp, told of a mission to the moon, and warned of an impending launch. As a countdown began, the comely coterie found themselves restrained and sealed within clear tubes of an unknown nature. The area around them turned to a sterile room, which shook and rumbled. As the group struggled to break their bonds, Vivus worked to awaken from what he knew to be a dream. A shot from his Hydromatic Paroxylizer caused him to become alert and rise from his bunk in the Dagger Mansion. To his companions, he effectively disappeared from reality. One by one, Vivus woke his companions, until only I.D.10.T. remained.

Back in the Dreamlands, I.D.10.T. finally escaped from his prison and left the metal room, finding a bizarre assortment of constructs much like himself. They repeatedly declared a “hull breach” and pulled at I.D.10.T. to assist them. Arriving at a giant hole open to a swirling miasma of fire, water, and storms, I.D.10.T. found more constructs locked in pitched battle with a single hooded figure, floating among the chaos and firing bolts of lightning into the aperture. I.D.10.T. made his way out into the roiling chaos, and moved behind the small attacker. He threw a heavy metal fist at the cloak, but seemed not to damage the figure. Instead, it ceased firing, turned slowly, and revealed itself to him. It was a small, hairless woman – teal skinned and youthful, with intense hate burning in her eyes. She reached out to the arconstruct with one normal hand, crackling with energy, and one hand seemingly made of death itself. As she was about to fire upon I.D.10.T….

In the Dagger Mansion library, Sandra, Dr. Vivus, Delano, and Landen found their robotic compatriot slumped over his books. Together, they tried several experiments on waking up a sleeping robot, but could not figure out how to do something literally never done before. Landen, Son of Landen chose this moment to reveal that he was a telepath, and could probe I.D.10.T.‘s mind, possibly to wake him up. However, the arconstruct’s mind proved more alien than Landen expected – he could not quite make sense of it. Then, when all seemed lost, Delano found I.D.10.T.‘s access panel, hidden in the arconstruct’s heinie. With his robotics knowledge and a switch from Dr. Vivus’ Paroxylizer, Delano made use of I.D.10.T’s modular design to create an ON/OFF switch. The spider-legged inventor flipped the switch just as Landen was using his mind powers to probe I.D.10.T’s thoughts, hoping to find a way to wake him. The switch worked, however, and I.D.10.T. burst awake to find Landen present in his mind. He was not happy about that.

I.D.10.T. lunged at Landen, grasping the telepath around his neck and lifting him off the ground. Out of desperation, Delano reached out with his spider legs to restrain the raging robot. His attack, however, was fruitless, and I.D.10.T. rotated 180 degrees at his waist to face Delano Kern. The “oh shit” look on the inventor’s face was quickly erased by the arconstruct’s fist, who did what polio could not and took out Delano Kern. Meanwhile, Sandra Quarrel scooped up Landen and blasted off down the hall on her rocket-pack, and Dr. Vivus went to get the Dagger guards to break up the fracas.

Fortunately, by the time Vivus returned with the guards, cooler heads – and one unconscious head – prevailed, and as Sandra and Landen told their side of the story to the guards, I.D.10.T. was found in the disheveled library reading his book, Delano Kern out cold on the floor.

Part the Second

Betwixt their allegiance to the Donaldian Adventurers’ Guild and the enticements from wealthy William Needham, merchant Samuel and his frightening guard Bloody Nikita, and the mobster Hugo the Charitable, our wondrous heroes found themselves pulled in many directions, but each seemed ultimately to lead to the Idol of Hellaq. So the group went about preparing to storm the serpentine tower, ignoring the summons to meet with Hugo.

The next day saw I.D.10.T. complete his research into draconic mythos, to better prepare for dealing with dragon sorcerer Bob Sapp. He spent the remains of the day standing next to the town gate, occasionally spinning his head to entertain the local children.

The fantastic flying phanaton Sandra Quarrel obtained a magical Bag of Holding, to transport a large quantity of explosive materiel to the tower. Destroying it after the mission was complete had been a suggestion of Dagger leadership.

Dr. Vivus brought his Hydromatic Paroxylizer back with him to Findoogle the Purple’s store, where the two conspired to enchant the cannon’s watery ammunition with a Dispel Magic enchantment. Vivus promised to bring Findoogle notes on the project’s results as remuneration.

The secretive nobleman Landen, Son of Landen made his way to “Sais of All Sizes”, a local sai-selling shoppe. There he inquired about the possibility of purchasing magical sai. The shopkeep showed off some purportedly enchanted weapons, but somehow Landen knew not only that they were not magical at all, but that the shopkeep was being unfaithful to his wife. Landen expressed his dismay at the merchants scamming, and delighted in informing him that his infidelities were matched only by his wife’s, whom Landen had apparently been bedding. No sai were sold. Sigh.

Finally, Delano Kern crept in to a local gunsmith’s to inquire about a “scope”, which he believed would allow him to better see enemies at a distance. He explained to the smith that he would like to have such an item affixed to his “blunderbuss”, not aware that the weapon worked at much too short a range to take advantage of the scope’s abilities. He lacked this knowledge despite having a disproportionate amount of experience with firearms for someone who spent much of his youth in the throws of polio. Anyway, the smith was all too happy to attach a very expensive spyglass to Delano’s blunderbuss, nailing it together and painting the whole thing black for “stealth”. He then charged a very large amount.

Their shopping done, the coterie gathered to laugh at Delano’s gun. Later, they began their journey to the serpentine tower. The trek took them past Smogtown and into the Shadowfell proper, a dark and dreary demiplane of dread. Having scouted the area the previous evening, the group knew that something lurked within the high walls that surrounded the tower. Something large and brachiating.

As I.D.10.T. punched through the wooden gate, he came face to face with a dire gorilla, 10 feet tall and bristling with bony plates and spikes. The beast beat it’s chest in a display of dominance. I.D.10.T. and Sandra launched an assault on the creature, but the hits barely registered. Landen moved in and chipped away with his sai, but to no avail. Brilliant inventor Delano Kern threw a stick to see if the dire gorilla would be interested in it. It wasn’t.

It would be Dr. Vivus who would strike the first solid blow, aiming his prototype water cannon and blasting several important pressure points on the simian behemoth, triggering a change in it’s demeanor from angry to lethargic. I.D.10T. continued to engage the beast in fisticuffs, landing a crushing blow to the ribs. As the battle drew close to a seeming stalemate, the dire gorilla began twitching and jerking uncontrollably. It seemed to have happened spontaneously, but Delano Kern and Sandra Quarrel began to suspect that perhaps Landen had something to do with it.

As the great ape staggered, Dr. Vivus edged around to it’s back to gain advantage, but it proved to be disadvantageous, as at that same moment, Delano skittered up and struck with his spider-legs, toppling the gorilla onto Vivus. Delano was able to snatch the doctor out of the ape’s grasp, however, and as the coterie distracted the beast, Dr. Vivus produced a syringe of powerful sedative, and injected it into the dire gorilla’s hindquarters. After a few seconds of struggle, the giant simian fell unconscious.

Using their Knock Wand, the coterie entered the tower proper, and began their search. Behind a bookcase, Landen discovered a hidden room containing books of research, land deeds, art objects, and robes embroidered with the Sapp Academy crest. Truly, this was Bob Sapp’s tower! Further investigation found the lower rooms completely undisturbed for countless years, but higher level rooms contained smashed furniture and wild writings. The beginnings of rituals, unfinished spells, and maddened rants were scrawled all over. Apparently Sapp had become fully unhinged.

Ascending to the top of the tower, our face-meltingly awesome fivesome saw the target of their investigations – the Idol of Hellaq, all alone on a simple pedestal. Attempts were made to divine the arcane defenses upon it, but they were in vain. Unimpeded, Dr. Vivus began to spray the idol with his Dispelling Water, in hopes of breaking down Sapp’s wards. Three tries and several accidental fire elemental summonings later, the spells were all broken and the Idol of Hellaq was safely in the hands of Landen, Son of Landen…

Who promptly smashed it to pieces. As the others looked on in shock, Landen sifted through the remains to find a single card, showing an image of a comet on one side. Landen claimed to have been compelled somehow to do this, and became very obsessive about the card. The remaining heroes decided to gather the remains of the idol and see if they could salvage their mission. After they departed and were a safe distance away, Sandra Quarrel ignited her charges with a rocket, and flew away as the serpentine tower crumbled behind her.

Finally, as the coterie returned to town, they were met by Hugo the Charitable and his hobbit thug Harry, along with a number of toughs. Hugo was unhappy that the Daggers had ignored his summons, and attempted to negotiate the handing over of the Idol, regardless of it’s current state. The coterie refused, and Hugo left them to the “mercies” of Harry and the thugs. Vivus, Sandra, and I.D.10T. explained to the gang why it would be deadly to cross them, and all but Harry left fully convinced. Harry merely promised to kill the coterie in their sleep, but as he attempted to leave, he seemed to come under the attack of some unknown assailant. As Harry ran for his life, the Daggers looked on, and Landen could be seen to let a small smile spread across his face…

Part the First

Drinks at Dagger Mansion were the order of the evening, as those fine and fantastic fellows of the Donaldian Adventurers’ Guild took a brief respite from their quests. Notable celebrity Sandra Quarrel shared a brandy with her “Fire and Rain” compatriot Dr. Archibald Vivus and the nobleman Landen, Son of Landen, and were soon joined by inventor Delano Kern, skittering up on his astonishing spider-legs. Outside the gathering, the arconstruct I.D.10.T. slowly lumbered down the halls, passing time in his own solitary manner.

The fraternal fun and frivolity was not to last, as the gathering was interrupted by a summons from Major Marcus Trenchard, the guildmaster of the Dagger chapter. A mission of some import had been tasked to the Daggers, and this coterie had been selected with no contest from the rest, for they quest the best. Trenchard told the group of an elven merchant who had hired them to recover an artifact from a serpentine tower, looming on the outskirts of Smogtown like a…well, like a big, looming thing.

The coterie journeyed to the docks, there to meet with Samuel, a charismatic enigma of an elf, who tasked our heroes with obtaining the Idol of Hellaq, an eldritch item he desired greatly. It was thought to reside in the serpentine tower, where it may or may not be in the collection of a wizard. He advised the group to investigate on the night of the equinox, as the wizard might be otherwise occupied.

No sooner had our sexually-desirable questing quintet began the walk back from the docks when they were waylaid by Helena Thirdcoin, the corrupt constable. She brought the coterie to see William Needham, the firm and flush head of Dongco, a corporation of great renown. Needham is a collector of antiquities, showing the group his drawer full of odds and sods and promising them money beyond their imagining. Seduced by his tongue and pocketbook, the heroes of utterly impeachable character said they would think about it and departed, each going their separate ways.

Throughout the night, each member of our five-headed hydra of heroism was visited by persons unknown, who delivered a summons from a Smogtown mafioso who wished to speak with them. The coterie discussed this the next morning and, bolstered by Dr. Vivus’ personal distaste for assisting the poor and unfortunate, decided against meeting with this “charitable” gangster. Instead, they looked up an old school chum of the Doctor’s, a wizard with access to the hall of records, who was able to tell our pants-wettingly gorgeous fivesome more of the history of the serpentine tower, and of the supposed inhabitant – a mysterious sorcerer named Bob Sapp. This disgraced headmaster of the Sapp Academy of the Arcane Arts could prove a deadly nemesis for our coterie, but a perusal of the city records suggest that on the night of the equinox, he may leave the tower, providing a brief window when the Daggers might strike…