How Dare They!

Recently, I was called a ‘white woman’. It did not feel like a compliment.

Last week, someone suggested some information I provided was not true. In their inference that I was hiding the truth, it felt like I was being called a ‘liar’. Their comments did not sit well with me.

This morning, in meditation, acceptance and surrender opened up into gratitude.

I do not like being called a ‘white woman’ nor a liar. However, when I move into gratitude for the opportunity to grow through the angst of my reactions to these two separate and distinct yet interconnected circumstances, I move beyond anger to a place of calm.

People can only see the world through their own unique lens. Calling another names, or defending against the truth they speak by implying they are lying, is a reflection of where each of us sits in our individual journey towards self-awareness and acceptance.

Feeling angst and anger over what another has done to us is a reflection of where we have tender spots within that need loving care and attention.

I respect where the individual who named me ‘white woman’ was coming from. They are on their own journey in a world of contradictions.

I have struggled to find peace in the situation where someone implied I was lying. This is my reputation they are playing with. My credibility. “How dare they!” I want to cry out, the child within stirring uneasily in memories of the times as a little girl when I was called a liar by my family, even though I desperately wanted them to believe I was telling the truth. And the critter inside my head leaps into action. Hissing wildly, he insists I pay no attention, take no heed of their words. Stamping his tiny little critter-like feet, he echoes my fearful thoughts, “How dare they!”

Breathing deeply I gently and lovingly remind myself to come home to my heart, to my place of inner truth and grace.

My responsibility is to be accountable for me. My value, my worth is found in how I move through the world, acting with integrity and grace in all things. It isn’t about ‘turning the other cheek. Holding others accountable for their actions is important. Even more important for my sense of self-respect is to recognize where someone else’s words have created angst within me and to address my responses so that I walk in my integrity.

And still, the critter hisses. How dare they!

And my heart responds.

They dare because, like me, they know fear.

They dare because, like me, they have unhealed places inside their hearts and minds.

They dare because, like me, they have known the pain of rejection.

They dare, because, like me, they have known the shame of blaming others and of being wrongfully blamed by others.

They dare because, like me, they have known the angst of trusting the untrustworthy and of acting in untrustworthy ways.

They dare because, like me, they are human.

We are all on this journey of life together, swimming in the waters of our humanity, struggling to find solid ground in being who we are, without fearing who the other is, will somehow diminish or distract from our worth.

We are all worthy. Sometimes, in our fear we are not, we search for our worthiness by daring to express our humanity in ways that harm or hurt or confuse others.

To know our true worth we must dare to confront our own humanity; contradictions and truths, beauty and the beast, ying and yan, dark and light. In our seeing into the darkness that is present in the light, we must embrace unequivocally the truth of who we are. We are human.

Moving into gratitude for my human condition, grace finds me where I’m at, embracing me in the healing waters of forgiveness and acceptance.

It is entirely appropriate, right, real, loving, courageous, calm and constructive to say to the one, “Yes, I’m white and female. Your point?” and to the other, “Your demeanor and language are both insulting and counterproductive. If you will do me the kindness of submitting your concerns in writing, I will review them calmly and make my written responses available to all parties concerned.”

To do less when your true heart is crying out for validation is to deny love, support and respect to yourself, to stuff your feelings until they can be rationalized in meditation, and to keep from the other party as well a rare opportunity to experience the balanced, loving, calm, dispassionate, disinterested feedback necessary for their growth.

Afterward the meditation which leads to gratitude will be one of true inner resolution, not one of struggling for relief after beating outselves up for having experienced an absolutely justifiable sense of personal violation in those situations.

Being spiritual does not mean swallowing down anything anyone cares to hand us and finding a way to be okay with it.

But first we move, as prompted by our deepest understanding of self and of truth and of decent and harmonious interchange between people, in truth, love and light, to illuminate the actuality without having recourse to peripheral denigration — we focus on objecting to the exact behavior.

And we do this in the service of all who come that way after ourselves.

This has been very helpful to read. It gets difficult when I am in the middle of the thick stuff which I am. I am a teacher at a beautiful small school and in January I had to stop one student from attacking another. In doing so, she hit me in the head. I have been off work because my nervous system had a break down a couple of days later, and I received a concussion-like symptoms through 2 episodes of transcient global amnesia which was triggered by the occurrence. However, I can’t go back in the classroom as the mother of this student has created the story that I pinned this girl against the wall. There are a few parents who are very dear to me who have taken wind with this story and have created a most difficult situation to come back to. There are days where I can find my gratitude for the growth I am receiving with these circumstances, but there are other days I am devastated. I continue to find tools for gratitude, and this was one for today. Thank you.

My dear beautiful Joy. My heart hurt reading your message. I wanted to reach out and hug you. What you describe sounds so very challenging and difficult and on so many levels, sense defying. I am sorry this has happened to you. Sorry you are going through this. Sorry that people respond in such human ways that at times, we struggle to find ourselves and hold onto our truth and beauty in their behaviours. I am grateful that my post today resonated with you. I am grateful for your beautiful heart. Much love. Many hugs. Lots of beans. ❤

Joanne, your words hit me with such truth and clarity they took my breath away. That is it! Empathy is key and when we struggle to experience it or know it, we dare to say things that ring untrue for others. Thank you. ❤

Living an ART filled life...“Creativity is a God-given ability to take something ordinary and make it into something special. It is an openness to doing old things new ways…The creative spirit is part of our heritage as children of the One who created all things. And nurturing our creativity is part of our responsibility as stewards of God’s good gifts.” - Emilie Barnes, The Spirit of Loveline