Day 60 of 365

I was a victim, if that’s what you’d like to call it for a little over two years. I experienced emotional physical and sexual abuse. As I went through this I’d tell myself “This is what love is” “I have to make this work” and “I don’t want to start over with someone” I learned slowly that I was losing myself and I have become to hate who I was.

My boyfriend soon began to lie and cheat on me, I felt as hopeless as I confronted him but nothing changed. He started comparing me to other girls and picking out my flaws. Things like “Her face is better than yours” “her body is perfect” even “your hair looks horrible compared to hers”. I felt trapped and my self-worth shattered as I started to believe these things.

Arguments began shortly after and the abuse followed fast. He snapped on anything “Why aren’t you home? You’ve been off work for 5 minutes now” I was so submissive to him and I knew nothing he did to me was out of love, but yet I stayed because I felt like I couldn’t get anything better, because look at me. I was nothing compared to other girls.

As he’d leave bruises on my ribs arms legs and face I’d began to cry and realize I need to leave. I headed for my car keys and just before I got to the front door I was stopped by my raging ex-boyfriend, I was then dragged to the bedroom tossed onto the bed and told “GO TO BED” from the top of his lungs. I cried myself to sleep often but later he’d then apologize and say he didn’t mean to do those things to me.

I became pregnant and panicked thinking I was going to be forced to be with him forever and there was no way I could escape. 2 1/2 months went by and I lost our baby, as I cried and grieved over thinking it was my fault I knew God had a plan all along and they were now safe in heaven. After the miscarriage we soon drifted apart we left our house we once rented and I moved in with my mother he then left me.

I felt so alone and so afraid. I didn’t know who I was anymore and I didn’t know how to act as I was a free person now. What frustrates me the most was when my family talked to me and told me they knew he was abusive towards me, if they knew this why didn’t they try and help me escape? They sat there and watched me suffer for that long. I can’t stand seeing pictures of my ex, but I’d like to thank him for showing me everything I shouldn’t allow a guy to do towards me.

I’ve now found someone who has shown me the true meaning of love and being loved. The emotions I have now are beyond what I thought I could ever feel.