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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Emotional Breakdown #1

So I offically had my first emotional, bawling breakdown of this ivf cycle. Even better I am at work. It started by looking at my bank account and not seeing as much money in there as I thought I should have. Cue....... mass panic.

Cierra starts school next week and I don't have all of her clothes and no school supplies. She needs lunch money also. $$$$$$$

My mind then goes to:

We need to have $500 for anesthesia in two weeks. $$$$$$$

Then:

Oh my god what happens if this ivf doesn't work (again). Will my husband be disappointed in me for failing at this (again). Why do I keep letting him down? Why can't I get pregnant? Where are we going to get more money for fore treatments? How will we keep from going in debt? Will are marriage survive not having children together? Will he always feel like he was robbed if we stay together?

Like I said a complete emotional breakdown at work. Only positive thing, I am the only one here at the moment. I hate having all these feelings and not having control of a situation. I want this to work so badly. I have done everything I can for this to work and it is so far out of my hands. I hate this. Why does infertility have to take so much away from you? Despite fighting it and trying to not let it win, it still does.

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About Me

Hi everyone! I married the love of my life on April 24, 2010. I guess it took a little longer then I thought to find him. I do have a daughter and she is 16 years old. I got pregnant with her when I was 20, wow have times changed. I never thought that having a second child would be such a challenge. Here I am 38 and ttc. We have 7 iui's under our belt and two failed ivf attempts and 5 chemical pregnancies and 1 miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat. Everyday of struggling hopefully brings us one day closer to having a baby or one day closer to moving on without one.
Recently I was diagnosed with:
Positive APA Panel, ANA, Th 1/Th2, Factor XIII mutated, PA1 mutation, MTHFR mutation. Working with Dr. Kim and a new protocol.