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anonymous\par
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"Lara, I ......"\par
"Save it. I don't want to hear."\par
"But-"\par
"No, Amanda!"\par
I close my mouth with a snap, my fingers curling together to form trembling fists. "Alright."\par
"Good." You turn away, your long, muscular arms laden with cuts, burns and bruises. Standing stooped over slightly and clutching your stomach, you breathe loudly through your nose as you struggle to walk over the rocky terrain, putting as little weight on your left boot as possible. You're hurt, but still, you somehow remain calm. Strong. Aloof.\par
\i If only you'd listen, I could make you understand.\i0\par
I walk beside you, my eyes glued shamefully to the ground. I'm injured as well, and my wounds also hurt. But I know the pain I'm feeling is nothing compared to whatever you're experiencing. "Are you okay?"\par
You say nothing, simply limping on with determination, your strength slowly ebbing away. You're admirable, even when so close to death.\par
\i But you don't want to speak to me.\i0\par
"Please." I try to smile, but it's hollow and fake, pasted on like a mask. "Say something."\par
"I'm fine," you reply gruffly, keeping your head down. The pain is obvious now. I can see it in each step you take. Your wounds are greater than you're willing to admit, and they run far deeper than just the cuts and bruises you're wearing. Something's wrong inside. "Don't bother yourself."\par
\i You dismiss me, carve a channel of distance between us.\i0\par
"That cut looks bad." I reach out to you, touching your bloody shoulder softly. I understand the risks, but I'll do whatever it takes. I won't let you hurt like this without doing something. Not after the events of today. "Come, let me see it."\par
You hesitate, stiffening against me, suddenly tense. You're surprised by the idea of me even caring. It frightens you, and I know it. "Why?"\par
\i You used to be so easy, but now, every time we touch, you flinch.\i0\par
I stroke the wound gently, brushing aside some of the dirt imbedded in the red flesh. I can sense the distaste radiating off you, but I won't give in so easily. Not without a fight. "Because it looks awful and it could get infected."\par
With a quick, precise gesture, you grab my wrist and hold it in your strong, callused hand, squeezing tightly. "I can handle myself."\par
\i I hate it.\i0\par
I watch you closely, my heart skipping a beat. You're dead serious, and I know that in a mere instant, I could lose that wrist. "I just want to help you!"\par
"You have done enough." You release me and limp over to a nearby bed of rock, slowly seating yourself on the edge with evident difficulty. Your face betrays your pain, and all the while, you never even glance at me once. "I won't let you hurt me again."\par
\i A thousand soft glances won't make a difference now.\i0\par
"I wouldn't." I rub my throbbing wrist and sigh. My eyes are burning. Briefly, I wonder if crying would make you change. You always used to jump to my side whenever I cried. You were always there. Would you jump for me now? "You could have broken it."\par
But you make no move to comfort me, simply staring at the ground with a blank expression. Too wrapped up in your own pain to notice or care.\par
\i Does my pain mean nothing?\i0\par
"If I kissed you," I ask softly, surprising myself, "would you punch me, or kiss me back?"\par
You open your mouth to answer me, but your expression becomes pained. You always had issues with such topics. I used to find it cute, back in the early years of our friendship. You never could answer me properly.\par
\i There are so many things I want to tell you, so many questions I want to ask, questions I know you can never answer.\i0\par
"Tough question, isn't it?" I chuckle, slowly strolling toward the rock you sit on, eyeing you closely. I don't want to frighten you, or make you angry. But I want to get close. I want to make a point. "You know I've changed, Lara. I'm not \i her\i0 anymore. It's me, the old Amanda. The one you bumped into at university, the one you used to go for walks with. It's \i me\i0 ! So why do you push me away?"\par
"Is it you, Amanda?" You bend over to hold your face in your hands, hiding it from me. "I thought I murdered you. Isn't that what you keep telling me? That I abandoned you in that tomb, that I left you to drown, that I let that \i thing\i0 possess you? Isn't that what happened to the \i real\i0 Amanda?"\par
\i I have made so many mistakes, I see that now.\i0\par
I have to stop in my tracks, too stunned to speak. I had no idea that you felt that way, or that it was my words that caused you so much pain, not my actions. You always seemed as angry as I was, as willing to throw the first punch. But in truth, I was the only one punching.\par
"And then the lying about my mother, Amanda. Hiding the truth about Avalon\'85" You make a strange whimpering noise behind your palms, your shoulders trembling stiffly. "Was that the \i real\i0 you, or the demon inside you? Who am I even talking to, Amanda?"\par
\i I can't separate myself from the darkness I've consumed, the horrors I've committed.\i0\par
"Lara, I\'85" My voice falters and I look away, unsure how to continue. I see it all now. I finally understand your pain.\par
You just sit there, your face buried in your hands, blood oozing from your open wounds. You don't care about what happens to you now. You've lost everything.\par
\i You've lost all you ever had, and I was a part of it, helped cause it to happen.\i0\par
After several moments of silence I find my voice again, but I only manage two measly words. "I'm sorry."\par
"Sorry doesn't cut it!" You suddenly jump to your feet and rush toward me, grabbing me roughly by my shoulders and shaking me until it hurts. "You have no idea what you did to me! You turned me into this monster! Look how many people I had to kill just to get to you, Amanda! And now, I just killed my own mother! All because of you and that winged bitch!"\par
\i But I know I never meant it.\i0\par
"Lara, no!" I scream, powerless against your hatred. In your rage, I know you have more than enough strength to hurt me. I know you could simply rip me to pieces with your bare hands. You're standing at the edge, ready to step off and plummet. And I'm scared shitless. "This isn't like you!"\par
But then, as if through divine intervention, the madness leaves your dark eyes and you abruptly stop, dropping me to the ground with a startled gasp. "N-no\'85"\par
\i Even now, you couldn't do it.\i0\par
I step back in alarm, hugging myself tightly. I fail to understand you. I drove you too far. I provoked you. So why did you pull away?\par
Slumped over and in pain, you stare up at me with eyes filled with regret, tears streaming down your battered cheeks. You look nothing like you did all those years ago. You seem so small now, so sorry and afraid. "What's wrong with me, Amanda?"\par
\i I could stab you, and you'd never stab me back.\i0\par
I shake my head, confused. The question seems outrageous. "I don't understand! You spared me\'85"\par
"I could have h-hurt you." You reach out as if to touch me, but pull away again, biting your bloody lip guiltily, your beautiful eyes downcast. "I came so close, Amanda. I've lost almost everyone I've ever loved. I don't want to lose you too."\par
\i You admitted what I could never have believed, especially not after all this time, after all this fighting.\i0\par
"Lara," I choke, unable to hide the tears that come streaming down my cheeks. "You still care?"\par
You smile shyly, swaying precariously on your feet as your eyes slowly slide shut. "I never stopped caring in the first place. I love you, Amanda Evert."\par
\i But then, you fell.\i0\par
I call out your name, running to catch you in my arms as your legs buckle beneath your weight. You're heavy, but I manage to pull you up again and hold you against me, hold you as tightly as I can. "Lara\'85"\par
"I'm sorry it turned out this way," you whisper hoarsely in my ear as I sit down to cradle you in my lap, your hands sliding up my shoulders, rubbing them gently. "I would like to have taken you out to dinner someday, but I guess that's not going to happen now, is it?"\par
\i We were lost, but then we found each other again, because you never stopped searching.\i0\par
"Don't talk like that. We'll have that dinner date. Tonight, at the hospital, even if it's just jelly." I lower you down gently so that I can gaze at your tired face, stroking your flawless cheek lovingly for a moment before shoving a hand hurriedly down my jeans pocket and rummaging around inside, eventually pulling out my phone and flipping it open to dial for an ambulance. "It's going to be okay, Lara. Just hold on for me, alright? I'll call for help."\par
"Do you know where I'm going today, Amanda?" you ask me softly, trembling as you gaze toward the sky with heavily lidded eyes, your lips curving at the corners to form a peaceful smile. "I'm going to heaven, Amanda. To Avalon."\par
"What\'85?"\par
"\i Hello? Emergency services."\i0\par
"No! Lara, wait!"\par
"\i Ma'am? Is everything alright?"\i0\par
I drop my phone with a metallic thud.\par
You're already gone.\par
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