[10-02]The One Where Ross Is Fine (ダブルデートは楽しい?)

[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s apartment. The scene starts where we took off in the last episode with Ross seeing Joey and Rachel kissing. Ross stares at them.]

Joey : Okay, Ross, I realise that you didn’t expect to walk in and see that, but.. Let me explain, okay?

Rachel : We weren’t doing anything!

Joey : Rach, he just saw us.

Rachel : Shhh.

Joey : But what you saw, that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.

Rachel : No, come on, that is a lie. We also kissed in Barbados.

Joey : (to Rachel) Dude, chill! (to Ross) Okay, we also kissed in Barbados, but we didn’t plan it, okay? And the only reason that that happened was because I saw you kissing Charlie.

Rachel : Yeah, you started it! I’ve got to chill.

Joey : Look, we probably should have talked to you about this before it ever happened, but..

Rachel : We feel so terrible about this, Ross.

Joey : Yeah, but it did happen, so…

(Ross looks shocked and says nothing.)

Joey : Ross?

Rachel : Ross? (to Joey) Can we just close the door?

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s apartment. Continued from earlier.]

Rachel : Ross, say something. Anything.

Ross : So you two are..?

Joey and Rachel : Yeah.

Ross : And have you .. ed?

Joey : No, no, no!

Rachel : No, no, no!

Ross : But if I hadn’t walked in here, would you..?

Joey : Probably.

(Rachel looks at him.)

Joey : No, no!

Rachel : Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this. You have every right to go nuts.

Ross : I’m not going nuts. Do you see me go nuts?

Rachel : No, but you know what I mean.

Ross : Hey, hey, hey… If you two are happy, then I’m happy for you. (Squeaky.) I’m fine!

Joey : Really?

Ross : Absolutely. (Very Squeaky.) I’m fine! Totally fine. I don’t know why it’s coming out all loud and squeaky, ’cause really, (deep voice) I’m fine. I’m not saying I wasn’t a little surprised to see you guys kissing. I mean, at first I was like.. (Screams.) But now that I’ve had time to absorb it; Lovin’ this.

Joey : Ross..

Ross : It’s all working out! Me & Charlie, and you two. You know what we should do?

Rachel : Calm ourselves?

Ross : No. We should all have dinner. Yes, we’ll do it tomorrow night. I’ll cook!!

Joey : Look, don’t you think that will be a little weird?

Ross : Weird? What? What’s weird? The only thing weird would be if someone didn’t like Mexican food, because I’m making fajitas!! (Storms off.)

Joey : I do like fajitas.

[Scene: Central Perk. Monica and Chandler are there. They have lots of brochures about adoption in front of them.]

Monica : God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming. There’s inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.. There are so many ways to go, and this is like the biggest decision of our lives.

Chandler : There’s a hair in my coffee.

(Phoebe enters.)

Phoebe : Hey guys!

Monica : Hey.

Phoebe : Hey, have you seen Frank Jr., ’cause he’s meeting me here with the triplets.

Chandler : You know, it’s funny. Every time you say “triplets,” I immediately think of three hot blonde 19-year olds.

(Monica glares at him.)

Monica : That’s sweet. Drink your hair.

Phoebe : Hey, what’s all this stuff?

Monica : Oh, they’re brochures from different adoption agencies.

Phoebe : Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute, get this one!

Monica : That’s not really how it works.

Phoebe : Oh, how does it work?

Monica : I don’t know!

Phoebe : Well, if you’re having a hard time, you should talk to my friends, Bill and Colleen. They adopted a kid. I’m sure they’d help you.

Monica : Thanks, that would be great. Hey, honey, wouldn’t that be great?

(Chandler looks like he did the time he swallowed the toy in 605 TOW Joey’s Porsche. It’s the hair in his coffee.)

(Frank Jr. and the triplets enter.)

Frank Jr. : Alright, alright, alright. Remember what we talked about. When we’re in a public place, there are certain rules.

(The triplets scream and run amok in the coffeehouse.)

Frank Jr. : That’s not what we talked about!!

Phoebe : Hey!

Frank Jr. : Hey.

Phoebe : Good to see you.

Frank Jr. : Good to see you, too.

Monica : Hi Frank.

Frank Jr. : Hi, how you doin’?

Monica : Oh, my goodness, they’ve all gotten so big!

(Little Chandler is pulling Chandler’s sweater, while Leslie is throwing bagels at him.)

Phoebe : Oh, god, the last time I babysat them, they did the funniest thing..

Frank Jr. : I haven’t slept in four years!

Phoebe : That’s a, that’s a long time.

Frank Jr. : You just don’t know how hard it is, Phoebe. There’s just so many of them. You know, two I can handle. Two’s great. You just hold one in each hand, but what do I do when the third one runs at me with his bike helmet on. I’ve got no more hands to protect my area! There’s three of them, Phoebe, three!

Phoebe : Yeah, I know, Frank. I counted them when they were coming out of my area.

Bill : Some little snacks for everybody. Oh, you don’t have to eat the sour worms. Those are for Owen.

Colleen : I’ll go get him in a second. By the way, you should know we haven’t told him he’s adopted yet.

Chandler : But kids are so intuitive. Don’t you think on some level he already knows?

(Owen comes running in.)

Owen : I’m adopted?!

Chandler : See? Intuitive!

Bill : What? Where did you hear that?

Owen : He told me! And he paid me 50 dollars not to tell.

Chandler : Which technically now you should give back!

Colleen : You told him he’s adopted?

Chandler : I’m so sorry, but you should have a sign out there or something. Or at least whisper it to people when they come in the door. “Owen doesn’t know he’s adopted, and he also thinks that Santa is real.”

Owen : He isn’t?!

Chandler : (to Monica) We have to get out of here, baby!

[Scene: Ross’s apartment. Rachel, Joey and Charlie are eating fajitas when Ross enters from the kitchen.]

Ross : Everyone? I would like to make a toast to Rachel and Joey.

Rachel : Ooy.

Ross : And to love. Ah, love. L-O-V-E, love. L is for life. And what is life without love?

Rachel : (to Joey) Oh my god, are we supposed to answer?

Ross : O is for “oh, wow!” The V is for this very surprising turn of events, which I’m still fine with by the way. E is for how extremely normal I find it. That you two are together. And now one day you might get married and have children of your own.

(Ross chokes up and pauses. Rachel and Joey look at him.)

Joey : Dude, are you okay?

Ross : Totally.

Rachel : Ross, you don’t seem okay.

Ross : (on the verge of tears) I’m sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining. I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.

Charlie : Wait, Ross. Ross. I – I have to take off.

Ross : No!

Charlie : I’m sorry, I have a really early class in the morning, but this has been lovely.

Ross : Wasn’t it? And you thought it would be awkward with Joey and that you never really liked Rachel.

Charlie : You’re on fire! I’ll call you in the morning, okay?

Ross : Okay.

Charlie : Alright.

(Ross goes to the kitchen.)

Charlie : God, Rachel, what Ross just said that is just so..

Rachel : Oh, that’s okay, girls tend not to like me.

Charlie : Bye.

(Ross enters from the kitchen with three plates with flan.)

Ross : Okay, I guess it’s just flan for three! Hey, hey, that rhymed!

Rachel : You know what, Ross? I think we’re gonna take off too.

Ross : Oh, oh. Of course. God, I’m so stupid. You guys are a couple now. I mean, you probably just want to be alone.

[Scene: Ross’s apartment the next morning. Ross is very hung-over on the couch as Joey enters with a cup of coffee for him.]

Joey : Morning. Here you go.

Ross : Thanks. Did you stay here all night?

Joey : Yeah.

Ross : So you took off my pants and shoes?

Joey : No, no, no. You actually did that when you were dancing to the Chicago-soundtrack. Look, Ross, about, about Rachel and I. Listen, you don’t have to worry about that, okay? Because nothing is gonna happen.

Ross : What do you mean?

Joey : Well, she and I said from the beginning that we weren’t gonna do anything unless you were okay with it. And clearly..