Indian English: It vill be wery helpful, yaar!

It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all over the West, as the new economic power India
outsources work to the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the world: EuRupees.

Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs from India, are attending special training sessions in New York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: “Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you’ll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you’ll be Ranjit. And Jane, you’ll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?”

Gary: “Name as tea?”

Professor: “I think you mean ‘namaste.’ Very good. But what do you say after that?”

Professor: “Wonderful! You can put ‘no?’ at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?”

Jane: “Yes, we are understanding you, no?”

Professor (smiles): “We may need to review this later. But let’s move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word ‘yaar’?”

Randy: “Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, ‘Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.”

Professor (laughs): “That’s a different ‘yaar,’ yaar. The ‘yaar’ that I’m talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you’ve developed a camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can say, ‘Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.’ Do you understand, Jagadamba?”

Jane: “Yaar, I do.”

Professor (smiles): “Okay, let’s talk about accents. If your client says ‘I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,’ how would you respond?”

Randy: “Please don’t be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.”

Professor: “Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven’t said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we’ve just learned?”

Gary: “Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn’t it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?”

You are deadly funny, no? I am laughing out loud while I am reading your writings, yaar. I vill being happy reading them again. I vonder if you vill be thinking my blog is funny too. Stop by, yaar!!http://www.SavvySingleChristian.blogspot.com

Vely vely phunny, Indian Ingliss as she is spocken iss one of de very phunniest languages in the werld.
For rib ticking humor, you should check the English classifieds in Kuwait. The Arabs beat our Indian English anyday

A scene from my junior high Arabic class in Dubai which I think would be an ideal comment for this blog : –
(Teacher shouting at students making noise and laughing)
(Intekaab-ud-din)(Teacher)
“Ayy! Ya Allah! Yuu ShutUpp Yuu! (pointing first two fingers) ”
“Yyyy yuu lafff? Yuuu dink I phunnyyy? Yuu ShutUpp Yuu!”
(Danish Arif Faquih)(Student)
“Sorry, sir, but no my fault sir. This boy make laugh!”

absolutely hilarious and rib tickling stuff. all of these columns are superbly creative and original in content and the choice of words is excellent. i am a subscriber to this column and have enjoyed every single one of them thus far. have recommended link to my friends to subscribe. great to have some good guffaws.

Now only am I seeing your informational article for the learning of the term yaar. Once I had made reading of your words they made the inspiration in me to do likewise. In this spirit only am I making the posting to give thanks to you Mr. Durai sir. This is a very most excellent thing you have been telling it to the peoples who are living in the US of America.

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"it’s best that you do not read it while sipping a coke (or tea or coffee or water or any beverage) lest something tickles you so bad that it makes you splatter the coke (or whatever you are drinking) right on to the pages as you erupt in laughter.” -- Aradhika Sharma in The Tribune, Chandigarh.