You’re 8 Weeks Old, Kiddo. Time To Learn The Truth Of the World.

The baby is 8 weeks old now, which means it was time for KB’s first round of immunizations on Thursday. “Some babies fuss and cry throughout the night,” the doctor said, “some cry for a little while and then just want to sleep it off.” I don’t know what she said after that, because all I could hear in my head was:

So they gave her the, approximately, 75 shots in her little legs. After a moment of “What the…?” she broke out a cry that I like to think she’s been saving for just such a special occasion. You can almost see the thought process of “Hey, this isn’t ‘hungry’ or ‘lonely’ or ‘bored’ or even ‘I seem to be sitting in something squishy’… this… this F***ING HURTS.” The cry sounded roughly like this:

WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

KB, in a more innocent time. before she learned the harsh truths…

But the cry was nothing. Well, not nothing, it was a giant drill in my ear, but it was nothing to the face. The big frown, the tears in the eyes, and the sad sad disappointed look of, “This is awful and I hate it and why aren’t you making it better? I only know two people and usually you make it better.”

Then, moments later, she went to sleep…

We tread carefully all evening. Sleeping. We ate dinner. Sleeping. We got ready for bed. Sleeping. Then, I was stupid and thought “What luck! She’s a sleeper!”

Cue record scratch.

Ready laugh track.

And yes, less than a minute later:

WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

The kid’s got excellent comic timing.

About an hour later she went back to sleep, but would only stay there if being held. So we’ve taken shifts, trying to keep Baby Hulk from re-emerging. So it’s been a long couple of days.

But hey, at least it’s over and she’ll never be in a scary, bad situation I can’t make better again…

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About The Byronic Man

Recently voted "The Best Humor Site in America That I, Personally, Write," The Byronic Man is sometimes fiction, but sometimes autobiography. And sometimes cultural criticism. Oh, and occasionally reviews. Okay, it's all those different things, but always humorous. Except on the occasions that it's not. Ah, geez. Look, it's a lot of things, okay? You might like it, is the point.

We have a “Sophie” which has been sworn by by a lot of friends. The problem is, our beagle is quite convinced it’s the coolest chew toy in the house and he can’t wait for it to be taken off that shelf.

By the way, I know you’re sleep deprived, but it’s not fair for Michael over at Hypothetically Writing to have to live with half of my face…hell, it’s not even fair for me to have to live with it, but I don’t have much of a choice.

First things first….KB is beautiful & that imagine is beyond adorable! I love her deep thought finger to the lips and devilish grin … “hmm, what shall I do today to get some attention?”
The pleading eyes will get your heart every time. My daughter wouldn’t let out a peep, giving the doctor the “I’ll show you” treatment.” She saved her banshee shrills for when she was safe in the car seat and we desperately tried to drive.

Especially with just no understanding of “Why?” And it gets written in the hard-wiring of your brain. Even now if I have to get a shot I know it’s not really going to hurt, but there’s this part of my brain shrieking, “OH GOD, A SHOT! THIS IS GOING TO BE AGONY! AGONY!”

My daughter is 14 years old now and I still vividly remember the day of her first immunizations. The nurse said, “I think Mom cried as hard as Baby did.” Yeah, that was the last time anything “bad or scary” ever happened.

Only fifteen more years of shots on occasion, unless she decides to travel in the tropics…
I always nursed immediately after a shot. Even after circumcision it was like a dog that sees a squirrel, or a cat with a laser light on the floor: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts!hurts! oh yum, milk.

I love that KB looks like she has a total secret on you that she is about to share with us. It may be that you just let somebody in a white jacket poke steel bits into her tiny little leg. Or maybe she forgot about that already. Maybe she is just letting us in on how she is going to get back at you for that .
She’s gorgeous and I’m sure she gets her sense of humour from you.

“What luck, she’s a sleeper” is obviously one of those phrases you should never say, like, “at least it’s not raining”, or “what could possibly go wrong” or “I am invincible!”
Also, awwwwwwwww. Very cute. I like the little green hat, too. Seems Christmasy.

I’ve wondered if you could overload “the fates.” You know, just constantly make those “don’t tempt fate” comments, ’round the clock. “Well, I can’t wait for the coffee to brew because it’s not raining and there’s no way there’ll be a power outage and nothing can stop me because not even God himself could break the coffee maker.” “Time to put on my shoes! And nothing could possible go wrong, because…”

Awe!! New daddy yumminess!
I remember those moments, as a mom not a dad cause I’m a woman and all that, praying that my baby would stop crying cause I loved him so deeply. I felt the tears cut right through my heart and then the milk would drop and that was a whole new feeling of pain( I’ll spare you the details).
Enjoy the smell of her babydom… So short lived are these moments in her life and yours.

It’s funny because I know that’s true, and I know it’ll all seem like a blur, but while still in these first couple months whenever people say, “Oh, it goes so fast” all I can think is, “No, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t.”

I know, I always hated the shots and that feeling that you can’t make it better. It’s a good thing they don’t remember much about being a babe. It sounds like you’re a good parenting team though. These things will make you stronger.

Phew! You got through the worst part. Absolute smooth sailing, easy peasy pie, sugar dumplies rainbow forest fest from now on. I have no idea what I just wrote because my 2.5 year old has been sick for a solid week and I have lost my mind.

Beautiful baby, Byronic. I know how helpless you must have felt while she got those shots. I felt that way when our oldest daughter had to have 3 (or was it 5?) stitches after she fell (or jumped) off the couch and hit her head on the coffee table. Sorry for the confusion. That sets in, too, after childbirth.
Enjoy your little girl.

She is lovely, devilishly so. She is thinking, Dad you will so pay for that one, oh yeah at least 15,000,000 missed curfews, parking by the lake…what else can I think of. Oh yeah, boyfriend with pierced tongue (that ought get him). Yeah Dad, you will so pay for this one.

You’re ___ years old, Byronic Man. Time to learn the truth of the world.

1) You’re an utter a–hole for making her get shots. (Jerk. That’s from her. She told me to say that.) 2) She is plotting revenge, which begins with pooping on your hand, up the back of her onesie, and ends somewhere along the lines of dating a guy with facial piercings and unidentifiable tattoos. That’s what that smile is about. 3) She is the first in an army of disarming children that will melt your heart and kick you in the balls and leave you craving more. 4) Give her mother a nice cup of tea and a foot rub because being a mom is hard.

I am kidding about number 1. It does get harder, but the rewards get greater. Other than the noise, girls seem to be easier at a young age. Of course, with boys you have to worry about one penis. With girls, you have to worry about them all. 😉