Friday, October 24, 2008

My little blog here is growing up. I've finally been doing this long enough that I get search terms in Google other than "backpacking" and "backpacking dad". I finally have what I've always dreamed about having: A Search Term Post.

You're welcome.

"shawn burns" erin high chair signing time: I love this one because my name is in quotes, like it's allegedly my name. Also, if they know enough about me already to know that my daughter's name is Erin and she watches a lot of Signing time and that she climbs her high chair, then why don't they know the name of the blog? It's like I have a short-term memory stalker.

naked backpacking: 5 hits from this one? Look. It's just not a good idea. Ever. Don't ever go backpacking naked. Unless you are backpacking in a sexy, sexy moonbounce full of bubbles and jello-o wrestling supermodels. Even then, how about taking the backpack off? What is it doing for you?

are mosh pit seats cheaper?: I don't know, dude. I think it's just, like, a pit or something. I don't know if they actually have seats.

does peanut butter cause moobs?: I don't have all the answers. Maybe. But I can tell you for sure that you can get moobs even without eating peanut butter.

lame tweeting about your lunch dinner: Sorry about that.

"backpacking dad" sex: Again, with the allegedly. This one kind of disappoints me though. Because it makes me think that someone was searching for a site loaded with erotic fiction about me, and instead they landed here. I'd want to find that other site too. This one blows.

"gashlycrumb tinies" "big house": What. the. hell?

amy poehler pregnant: I had nothing to do with that.

creepy notes to write to people:How about "I'm starting a site loaded with erotic fiction about you."?

firendship wordings:Well, that's one way I suppose.

great funny nicknames like assface: I don't think that's a nickname.

how do you know if you're creepy: if you are the owner of backpackingdadsex.blogspot.com then you are creepy.

is there a martial arts studio next to the Chuck E. Cheese in burlington, ma? Well, my friend. You have come to the right place for all of your Burlington, MA small business location needs.

shut up fake bruce dickenson: Seriously.

pirate signing time shawn burns high chair: Well, at least this person believes me when I say my name. Arrrr.

Additionally, my colleague and I would like to schedule a meeting with you to discuss a calendar layout for our above-mentioned website. At your convenience, of course. Will it be sexy, you ask? Um. Sure. If that's what you wish to call it.

Please, leave Bruce Dickenson at home. When he weeps, it makes me feel bad, and the things we'd like to discuss with you are bound to raise a tear or three.

So, let's see. How dorky do I want this comment to be? Um...I pick über-dorky.

While I appreciate the thought that putting "shawn burns" into a search engine makes you imagine that someone only allegedly thinks that's your name, something tells me you don't know the true power of the quotation mark.

Once discovered, that first search term becomes even creepier, because how many Shawn Burns did that person think there were?

I think there are people out there who have no lives and just type random words into Google just to see what they come up with. I got "red potatoes sleep" once. Seriously? I didn't know potatoes could sleep.

And your wife. What an eveeel genius! I heart her! (But not in a creepy way, mmkay?)

I don't have the foggiest idea why a search for Gashlycrumb Tinies would land someone here, but perhaps it's the recurring "creepy" theme going among the searches? If you haven't looked it up yet, it's a (creepy) book of abc cartoons by Edward Gorey detailing various ways children have expired. Favorite: "N is for Neville who died of ennui."

I have not made it yet, but one day hopefully I will have enough search terms to write the rite of passage search terms post! I adore your wife, though having a blog herself she should totally understand the google analytics obsessive compulsive disorder (GAOCD), which I think will likely make the next shrink book!

whit: well, they are right next door. They don't know it, but they're on an old Indian burial ground and I'm totally pressing a claim.

momma trish: I'm just thankful it's still unregistered :}

swirl girl: to be fair, it's the Hot Blogger Calendar. There are only two dad bloggers in it. But what'll happen? Pandemonium.

goldfish: all good things...

caitlin: It is a small world! I totally am not from Burlington!! :} That's what makes that search particularly funny.

jen: no, you win for "best useless fact", because that really is awesome.

papatv: statcounter, baby. It's an addiction

kayla: why thank you. What a polite comment.

the microbiologist: she totally doesn't get it. She doesn't check her stats. I don't even think she has a statcounter widget. So parochial.

merecat: no you are!

miss grace: librarians are hot.

kittenpie: exactly what I said.

mama smurf: You are so smurin' welcome

attiton: are you a librarian? That would make three librarians who read this blog. That would be a lot of librarians. A lot of sexy librarians?

sammanthia: well, you see, when you are dissatisfied with your run-of-the-mill boobage you might want to go down to the local boob yard to do some looking around to see if there are any boobs that you'd prefer.