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been sick all week and so i crept back into my journal while jen is off at work
im wondering if this will be one of those posts that ill see in the future and ill read this and be sad cause right now wasnt necessarily a happy time but atleast it was better than the hell ill be living in the following months/ years
seth will still have been alive
living at home with the parents and my most dear jen
first year in ccollege and a few weeks before valentines day

if i read this in the future will i do what i just have done and read some very sad young teenage memoirs of angst and shallow depression(though surely at the time it was oh so awful)
how funny it is that as you grow older you see your past and think of how young you acted and how dumb you were
i do live with my own regrets and in the future ill probably look back and find this whole post childish and foolish

but what is time really
a collection of untangable memories of sad and happy
of accomplishments and failures
and with each bad time there is a worse to come and for each happy time a better to come
for i guess that is life
im writing this at the age of 18 and cant help but think what will my future hold for me
will i succeed
or will i be one of the people i once dismissed for there life was going nowhere
what do i want to do with my life and what does it have to do with what im doing now
does any of this really matter??
not to sound apathetic it is more of a curiosity
for i am a curious being at the small age i am
will time crush me?
or will i thrive and succeed as the socially awkward in this world bent solely on playing social games.?