Friday, August 7, 2009

Wow, it's been a while. Sadly, I'm suffering from some sort of writers block! I can't think straight... There's so much to write about, such inciting, intriguing, and influential topics. And here I am, with not even an inspiring word to shed. Aye me. Maybe I'm getting a head cold. Maybe, aliens are taking over my mind, and, and erasing the part of my brain which knows how to creatively articulate my thoughts and opinions. Yeah, that's about it... Oh dear God, I'm losing my mind! Aliens, it's a pretty convincing argument though, just a little bit choppy here and there. Okay, yes, I am completely losing it. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I feel that going to school is my drive. My drive to think in a peaceful state of mind and express what's in my heart. Since I don't have anything wonderful to say, I shall leave you all with a quote I came across a while back. I don't understand why I feel that I relate to it so much... I just do.

"I know you're waiting for the ironic ending. I know you're waiting for the punch line. I know you're waiting for the rain to come by.Well so am I."

Friday, June 19, 2009

It has been a while since I would notice myself, slowing tucking away into the fabricated layers of this world and I knew I could push the layers off, but I did not do anything about it. I knew if I stayed tucked away underneath these layers it would bring me nothing but sorrow in the hereafter. I knew that where I was headed would not aid me whatsoever once this world was diminished and everything that belonged to it would have its deeds weighted on the day of Qayamat (Judgement Day). Then I’d think to myself some more... Allah (swt) has blessed me with so much knowledge about deen and yet I don’t use it to my benefit. At this point I needed someone to pull me out. To pull me out of this sea of nothingness that I was drowning in. Then something miraculous happened. Someone grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up. It was then that I realized that there was more than one force which had pulled out. There were several of them. I honestly consider them my guardian angles. And words cannot even express how thankful I am towards them. I am so thankful towards Allah (swt) for surrounding these very special people around me and pray that they lead pious lives. Ameen.

A friend once asked me to imagine that I was given a big bag and told me to go to the bank and take as much money as I could...all the doors would have been broken for me and all I had to do was pick up the money under a time limit. Though, I was not given a specific time limit. That’s the same with our lives. Allah (swt) has sent us to this world and asked us to gain as much reward as possible under that time limit. So, while I am frantically getting the money from the bank, I struggle to get as much as I ought to. Though, once I am done with getting all that money I use it to my benefit. That is the same with our lives. When we collect enough rewards for ourselves then Allah (swt) will give us what we deserve in the afterlife.

I pray to Allah (swt) to make this journey of our lives full of happiness and minimize our struggles on our path to enlightenment. Ameen.

Friday, April 24, 2009

...I think not. For years, I’ve believed in that statement and thought of it as some sort of great motto everyone should believe in. Yet, it’s turned out to hurt me more than do any good. People don’t want to hear the truth; they want to hear fabricated, candy-coated lies so they can feel ‘good’ about themselves. In friendships, you often take an unwritten and unspoken oath of this so called pledge of ‘honesty’ and to some, less than others, know that it complies to them at all times. They do their very best to be truthful, to be ‘honest’. Unfortunately, since you’ve taken this oath, you have to be notified of some of the unspoken rules:

1)Always be truthful

2)Be honest when one is questioning the other to how their appearance looks

3)Never be truthful in situations that actually matter, because frankly people don’t want to hear it.

4)Always be truthful

It’s funny how when things actually matter, human beings decide to shut themselves from the truth. Is it because they are too blindsided by the false impression of their own reality? Or is it because they are too afraid to face the truth, simplify because of the fact that they are cowards.

I’ve dwelled upon this question for quite a while now and seem to not be able to come to a clear conclusion. Maybe it’s because, somewhere in my sub conscience, I am one of those who like to hear these ‘candy-coated’ lies. Maybe it is human nature that drives us to want to shield ourselves from the truth, from the honesty, because the corruption of this world has led us into pure denial.

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind.~Austin O'Malley

Thursday, April 23, 2009

How are you? I am good. I miss you a lot. Yesterday I was sitting by the big pear tree on the hill with Torrie, and she asked me why we were here. I said to her that we were here because; we were hiding from Adam who was trying to give us cooties. Then she said no, she didn’t ask why we were by the pear tree. She meant, why we were here... alive. I said to her that I didn’t know, but my grandma would because she’s so old and she knows everything. So grandma, why are we here? What is the meaning of life?

Love Sydney.

I read this last letter from Sydney with great difficulty. It’s been almost 23 years since her death. She would have been 29 years old this coming Friday. I took the letter and gently smoothed it with my rough wrinkled hands, as the tears slowly tumbled down my face. “What is the meaning of life?” she asked. Such a tender age and the mind of a philosopher. I had no idea how to answer it and now that I do, she is no longer here amongst us...

All my life I’ve tried to run away from the people who love me the most. And when time came they realized it and stopped chasing me. To me they were like parasites, trying to make me ill. I thought that they were trying to bring me down. So, I ran. I knew that if I had stayed amongst them I would suffocate and eventually witness my own death. I set out on my great expedition in the hope of trying to find some meaning to my pity life. As I searched for the means of my own existence, I had realized that the meaning of life is searching for the meaning. It was impossible! How could that be?, I would think to myself. What would this search bring me to? However, between all those questions, all I could think about was them.

I decided to return back home, though it was too late. They were all gone, just like I had left them before. Years had passed, and my search for them grew more and more restless. They were nowhere to be found. That’s when it hit me. The meaning of life is not searching for the meaning, but to realize that the meaning lies within the people surrounding you. Without them you are nothing but a lifeless body, moving through the bustling crowds of the world. That is what I was, that is what I am...shattered and lifeless.

If Sydney were to read this, she would have seen a different side of her Grandma. She would have grown up surrounding herself with people who love her. If Sydney were to read this, she would know what the true meaning of life is.