So, with the girl I saw a couple weeks back that I ended up really liking, she kinda stopped responding after a while. She then finally sent a message saying that she's been going through a bad depressive episode lately, and it's been preventing her from carrying conversations with people. She said that she feels intimidated because she thinks I'm "really funny and cute" and seem "really great," and that this meant there was more pressure on her "not to let [me] down."

It's kinda funny, because it's usually me feeling insecure and like I'll end up disappointing whomever I'm seeing when they get close enough to me to see I'm a boring loser.

I let her know that I'd like to see her again, but that I'm totally understanding if she feels she needs to take some personal time, and that I'll be accessible whenever she wants to get back in contact. I also let her know that I identify with her concerns, also struggling with depression and social anxiety, and that I'm the last person that she has to worry about "letting down."

Oh, and I guess I'll talk about how things went with that Spirit Hood girl.

Getting drinks wasn't bad. I enjoyed her company. Though we didn't seem to have a lot of taste in media in common (she likes Eminem and some country songs; seems to be the kind of person who doesn't know a lot of music, and knows radio songs rather than following artists; her favourite movie is The Notebook), I did identify with her when she said she didn't have a lot of friends, and her life is pretty much just work. I didn't feel that romantic "click," but I liked her enough that I was open to keeping the door open, maybe being friends.

She mentioned that she is a former drug addict, and that her few friends are people that she knew from her addict days who also got clean. I thought it was really cool that she kicked her addictions and turned things around. I was kind of excited about the idea of introducing her to some of the friends I've recently made so that she could have more friends, and at least know more people than just the people she used to do drugs with.

After drinks, we went back to her place. I met a couple of her friends. They were kinda... ugh. This one guy really didn't strike me as somebody who's gotten "clean," he seemed tweaky as fuck. All his stories were about getting into fights. Had one story about how he almost got fired that day for threatening an employee. High-school dropout. Goes to strip clubs. Is 23 and already has a kid (okay, I shouldn't judge, but still, I judge). The other guy just struck me as the kind of dude who does nothing but play Xbox all day. And when the bong was being passed around, he took two hits instead of just one, and pooched it before it even got to me. I did not like her friends.

I was a bit more comfortable after her friends left and we were alone. Although shit was awkward because it seemed we were both really bad at kissing. Felt like two dead trees just kinda pressing our lips together. I feel kinda bad, because since I wasn't really feeling a romantic connection, I was really only kissing for the practice, so that I wouldn't be as bad at it when I kiss people I actually find myself interested in (it's funny how the likelihood of me working up the nerve to kiss somebody is inversely proportional to how much I actually like them).

She mentioned how some new friends from work invited her to a show, and I found out that it was a local post-punk band that I really like. She didn't know them, but I told her they are great. So, we went down there together. I didn't really consider the show part of the date, so we didn't really hang around each other. Although, the next morning, I was wondering if maybe she thought I had ditched her or something, and felt really bad. Was it part of the date? I dunno, we walked there together after a date, but I thought of it as more "oh, we're both going to the same show, cool."

I ran into some friends-of-friends I met at a party once. As shallow a person as it makes me, I was kind of embarrassed to be seen by people I kinda know with somebody wearing a spirit hood and neon skate shoes. Especially when the acquaintance was like, "yeah, we saw this rave girl, and then we saw that the guy with her was you." She's a chill person, but I just never got past her style, the whole candy-kid aesthetic. I just looked past it, because although style is important to me, it's not the most important thing, and I wasn't going to let it prevent me from taking out somebody who seemed otherwise pleasant. But why was I still embarrassed to be seen with her?

I didn't see her at the show when I was going home, so she probably already left. I sent her a text the next day letting her know that, though I didn't feel the chemistry, I would still really like to be friends, and introduce her to some of my friends. She never responded.

There was also the girl I guess I'll call "Ellen," because when I first talked to her when I complimented her hair (I've got a thing for pixie cuts), and she said that people say she looks like Ellen DeGeneres.

I dunno, we got coffee and talked for a long time, and I really liked her company, but again, I didn't feel that "click." She seems really interested, though, and I have scheduled another date for next week. Right now, I'm feeling I like her as a friend.

Something I liked about her is how long and wordy her texts are. It somehow feels disarming for somebody's texts to be just as overwrought and pretentious as mine, like I don't have to worry about my weird writing style. One of her first texts mentioned within it how she enjoys "sitting on a sun soaked couch with a cup of tea or enjoying a pint or two after a long day of studying."

I also had tea with a professor whom I had as a TA for a couple of sociology classes in the past, before she got her Ph.D. I noticed that she would always smile at me in class, and one day, I saw her in the food court, and struck up a conversation. We stood there for, like, twenty minutes talking, and I eventually cut it off because I didn't want the food she was holding to get cold before she ate it. I actually got her number because I intended to set her up with a friend, but that friend actually starting dating the first lady I set him up with, so no further set-ups were necessary.

She's pretty cool. Has a beautiful accent, a mix of Eastern European, where she was born, and the UK, where she did her masters.

I didn't really consider this one a "date," because what would a grown-ass Ph.D want to do with a grocery-store undergrad who lives with his mom? While we were parting to catch our separate trains, she gives me this look, compliments my shoes, and tells me "you always look so good." I may be reading too deeply into things, as it isn't uncommon for men to detect interest where there is none. But there was something about her hesitance to leave me right away.

She's teaching at a satellite campus, so her semester ends earlier than mine does. She really wants to hang out again when she's free next month. She's really great, I'm excited to hang out with her.

Location: if drumming was a contest we'd've all already lost - JC - 10/22/16

Posts: 6,591

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disco King

DiscoDateUpDate

So, with the girl I saw a couple weeks back that I ended up really liking, she kinda stopped responding after a while. She then finally sent a message saying that she's been going through a bad depressive episode lately, and it's been preventing her from carrying conversations with people. She said that she feels intimidated because she thinks I'm "really funny and cute" and seem "really great," and that this meant there was more pressure on her "not to let [me] down."

It's kinda funny, because it's usually me feeling insecure and like I'll end up disappointing whomever I'm seeing when they get close enough to me to see I'm a boring loser.

I let her know that I'd like to see her again, but that I'm totally understanding if she feels she needs to take some personal time, and that I'll be accessible whenever she wants to get back in contact. I also let her know that I identify with her concerns, also struggling with depression and social anxiety, and that I'm the last person that she has to worry about "letting down."

that's really, really sweet

relevant mazzy star song:

_______________

your lack of success seems a bit weird to me, considering you seem to be very considerate and doing, at least what i think (not that i know anything), are the right things

Location: if drumming was a contest we'd've all already lost - JC - 10/22/16

Posts: 6,591

oh and here's my girl bullshit:

I don’t think I’m going to ever, ever get over this crush I have.

First of all, she’s the most lovely person I’ve ever met.

Second, after that whole ‘getting arrested’ bullshit, working with her in school was the only part of that semester that wasn’t absolute shit. I mean, there is (hopefully) literally no way for a situation like that to happen again.

Third, because of those first two points, I was actually motivated to tell her how I feel. I’ve never done that before, or liked a girl that much before, because I’m a stupid loser.

Fourth, she has a basically guaranteed job in a field I really want to go into, but can’t because my major is in some stupid bullshit I hate