14.3.15

Two Important Women

A few years ago I was working as a radio station promo girl at an event put on by a new health and wellbeing centre. They were putting on mini taster sessions of services they provide, including Reiki, Indian Head Massage and so on.
One thing that really intrigued me was that there were psychic readings on offer. I've always been really open minded and wanted to give it a try to see what would come through.

I was quite surprised to be told by the medium that a man was there and wanted to talk to me. I assumed it was my paternal grandad, however I was told it was a man who had a big smile and worked in a pub. He said he was upset that I didn't really think of him and gave other information.
I had a feeling I knew who it was, and through describing him to my mum it was confirmed that it was my maternal grandad.
I never got to meet him and he wasn't the greatest of fathers to my mum meaning he has never really been in my thoughts at all.

Moments like this obviously open up conversation regarding my mums childhood, and experiences with her father, and then discussing what my relationship is/was like with mine.
We were both reminded of the role our mothers played in our lives. Her mum, my nanny, bringing up two girls, and welcoming a third when she remarried. And for my mum, having to help her teenage children understand and cope with their father leaving. Supporting us through our GCSE's and decisions for what we would do once we were 16 and had to make the choice of what we wanted to do with our future.

There are days when I feel I am failing as a mother. I feel like I can't cope, that I'm not doing a good job, or that I am not the natural I thought I would be.
And then I think of these two women.
These two women in my life who are so important to me and who are the most wonderful role models.
They coped with what life threw at them, and the reason they did was because they had to. They couldn't just walk away. They couldn't just give up. They had to stay strong for their children.
I can't help but to feel lucky, really lucky, to have them to guide me, support me and to look up to every day.