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Women Don't Ask, Men Don't Tell

How to communicate with your man

On the other hand, men don’t tell what they feel. Why Boys Don't Talk and Why We Care : A Mother's Guide to Connection by Susan Morris Shaffer explains how boys are groomed to share their feelings. If they cried, they were told to “Man up!” which usually meant “Shut Up”! Instead of learning how to manage their emotions, they were taught to shut them down, ignore them, and hide them away. As a result, men don’t think it’s safe to tell you what’s on their mind; it makes them vulnerable. They think they’ll be perceived as weak. Instead of reaching out to someone else, they just try to solve things on their own.

Sound familiar?

So what is the solution?

Speak up! Men can’t read our minds. If you need help with the kids, ask. If you want to go on a vacation, say so. If you are not satisfied with your sex life (married ladies), say something! Your man loves you and wants you to be happy. He would rather you ask for what you want instead of wondering why the house feels so cold or empty or full of resentment. Remember, you get 100% of the things you don’t ask for.

Once your heart is clear of resentment, guilt, and worry, then you can become a safe place for your man. Remember, he doesn’t like to talk because he’s been groomed that being vulnerable makes him weak and he feels unsafe. But if you show that his heart can trust safely in you, he will be more willing to talk. And don’t pressure him to spill his guts all at once. You may only get a few sentences, or words, from him, but appreciate him for sharing with you.

Whether in the boardroom or bedroom, successful communication with the opposite sex boils down to understanding and honoring each other’s differences and making an effort to move outside your own comfort zone.

So, this sister is asking:

Do you have a story of how you’ve learned to communicate with your man? Please, share, I’d love to hear from you.