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News/

Pile of Goop

by
Jessie Gaskell
Thu., Apr. 18, 2013 9:52 AM PDT

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Picture the most evil celebrity in Hollywood. Someone so wretched, so selfish, so destructively out-of-control that they actually present a threat to society. Let me guess. You were picturing...Gwyneth Paltrow?

Sure, I've made fun of her. Who hasn't? She's inaccessible, out of touch, and routinely uses words like "sommalier" and "fishmonger" while hyping sterling silver toilet paper cozies. She's annoying for sure. But how did a peanut-free Mom beat out Chris Brown - who doesn't appear until #20??? (On the plus side, at least someone else is doing the beating this time).

Here are the full rankings:

Suffice to say, I've got beef with this list.

- Where's Charlie Sheen? He shot one wife, held another at knife point, locked a hooker in a closet, ruined America's most-watched sitcom and worst of all, gave money to Lindsay Lohan

- Reality stars don't show up until #10 and #11?!?

- Sure, some convicted criminals are on the list, but they're buried all the way at #16, #19 and #20

- Is the Ashton Kutcher thing because of his sh*tty Steve Jobs impression? If so, fair enough.

- No Donald Trump, whose insane wealth can buy Miss Universe a boob job but won't buy him a friend who'll advise him to STFU

- How could you not hate Lindsay Lohan more than #16? Aren't you tired of her? We talk about her all the f*cking time!

- Hitler should be making it to, at the very least, #12 every year

- NO AVRIL LAVIGNE OR CHAD KROEGER?? BUT THEY ARE EVEN MORE POWERFUL AS A UNIT PLEASE STOP THEM!!!

- Two words: Patti Stanger

- Yoko Ono should get a shout out for breaking up the world's most beloved rock band (One Direction)

- OJ Simpson has to be more hateable than Taylor Swift, no matter how many cloying breakup ballads she writes.

- How can I take a list seriously that excludes King Joffrey, Draco Malfoy, and Omarosa? Sure they're fictional characters but they're still jerks.

What I'm saying is, there were plenty of worse people that didn't make the cut. But maybe I'm looking at this all wrong! Maybe this list is a press opportunity, and PR teams lobby to get their clients on it. Maybe this list coming out the same week as the Iron Man 3 premiere is no coincidence. Well played, GP, well played.

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