EVENING. Health.

Counseling Men

January 12, 2000|By Ovetta Sampson, Knight Ridder Newspapers.

Juan Collazo mothers men.

They go into his Colorado Springs, Colo., office at the Fatherhood Foundation, grown men reduced to bewildered boys. Divorced, separated, alone, they pursue one goal: a relationship with their children.

The other day, a construction worker sat in Collazo's office on South Wahsatch Avenue. In a shoe box, the man carried taped conversations of his son, proof, he said, that he doesn't abuse him.

Collazo listened patiently. Nodding at the familiar assertions, he dished out some reality: "You're going to have to minimize the conflict between you and your wife. You're going to have to eat a little crow."

Collazo lectures him. He tells about the deep holes in the road ahead: court costs, custody fights, arguments with the ex.

The construction worker nods through the lecture and continues to profess innocence. And so it goes.

This is Collazo's life. He's a guide for men seeking a deeper relationship with their kids. He helps fathers get lawyers, counseling and what he calls justice.

For this, the former Colorado Springs businessman receives a minimal salary from the foundation (there is no charge to his clients). And he gets to drive the foundation's car.

He is not a perfect man. But he has the perfect job.

As a divorced man, he knows how his clients feel. He once stood at his daughter Rose's graduation, crying, hugging, giving presents--then watched as she walked away, off to a party with her mother's family. Off to someplace where he couldn't go. A perfect man couldn't do Collazo's job. A perfect man couldn't navigate the imperfect turns of divorce.

"I want to give men hope," said Collazo, the foundation's founder and president. "I want them to know that even though they've made mistakes, they have the choice to change things, to be a better dad to their kids."

Fresh from his three-year divorce struggle, Collazo, 49, started the foundation in 1993. It failed. He started it again in 1997. The non-profit runs solely on donations.

Collazo's views have broadened. He maintains that men and women should have equal rights in marriage and divorce. Joint custody should be the rule, not the exception. His cause for men isn't always popular.

4th Judicial District Magistrate Regina Walter says it takes efforts by people like Collazo to shed light on the flip side of divorce.

A son of Puerto Rico, he has worn many hats in his 35 years in Colorado Springs: Harrison High School athlete, professional baseball player (Triple A), insurance salesman, publisher, board member of the U.S. Hispanic Chamber of Commerce and coordinator of Manitou Springs annual holiday feast. But his most dedicated duty is being dad to Rose, now 19, and Louis 13.

Like a failing student piling on the extra credit, the part-time parent poured himself into his kids' lives: coaching girl's soccer, basketball, taking Rose to skating lessons; coaching Louis in baseball, basketball, football and soccer.

His office once gleamed with trophies and trinkets he got to keep while his kids went to their other home.

Now that his kids are older, Collazo has a new baby, the foundation. It has a new office. He plans to take it in a new direction: more fund-raising, more grant-writing, more people helping families.

He also hopes to work on himself--to iron out his imperfections and become more complete.

"I have a lot of things that I need to continue to work on," he said, smiling. "I'm really looking forward to the next 10 years."