Girls’ Trip to La Jolla … and thoughts on the election between friends

“To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.”

Brené Brown

The process of becoming real. Yes. Hello. That.

Happy day – it’s a vacation picture post! with a tiny swizzle of serious talk thrown in for good measure.

In addition to having some fun trip pictures for you today and bragging up on my amazing group of lifelong girlfriends, I also feel like there’s some stuff weighing heavy for a lot of us that we just haven’t talked about, either in real life or on the internet, because it’s hard to talk about. So here goes us being brave.

Let’s stare this sucker straight in the face.

Let me tell you about us. 👆🏼 These are 3 of my most precious friends.

We’ve been friends for a long time (since college – and how did college become a long time ago?) and in the last few years, we’ve leaned in to this tradition of doing yearly girls’ getaway trips together.

We are four people who love snacking, eating, ice cream-ing, and seal watching on the beach. We are four people who think wearing pajamas and ordering delivery pizza to our hotel room is equally as awesome as going out for a night on the town. We are four people who have, or will soon have, little babies at home (squeee!). We are obsessive animal lovers who will stop people on the street so we can pet their dogs. We share the same faith. Our hearts and minds hold each others’ stories from the last ten years, the ones that bring laughter, eye rolls, and tears. We are practically a part of each other in that weirdly awesome sisterhood-of-the-traveling-pants way.

And then, there’s this tricky piece of the puzzle: we are four people who voted differently last week in the 2016 election.

It would be maybe even a little funny if it wasn’t so serious and hard and fresh, especially being that we took this trip approximately 24 hours after the election ended. How can this even happen? That friends don’t see eye-to-eye on what feels like such a big major deal? But it does.

And I have a purpose for bringing it up.

First purpose: Well, okay, if we set the election aside for a hot second, my first true purpose is that I want you to know that we had a great time in La Jolla, and I want you to know that if you should choose to go there with your significant other or your squad (WHICH YOU TOTALLY SHOULD – start looking at flights, dear one – just fly into San Diego and take the 15 minute Uber ride over to La Jolla), you will have a blast and a half. It was theeee most perfect place for a quick little getaway. I’m including a list at the end of this post with all the great places we went and what we’d recommend for an itinerary. Study and follow. This place is Relaxation Station.

Second purpose: I want you to know that beyond vacation pictures, when we get down to the real life stuff of the world right now, you and I? and our friends and family? We’re all doing this together. You’re not the only one feeling frustration or hurt in your relationships as a result of this 2016 election. We are feeling it, too, and there’s just no easy way through it (but if you happen to know of one, let me know in the comments TYVM).

We had just one Election Conversation during the whole trip, and that one conversation? Not awesome. Hard, vulnerable, generally un-fun, especially considering that most of our other conversations involve belly laughs and weird inside jokes and unstoppable, borderline annoying giggles. This one wasn’t like that. We didn’t suddenly agree on everything and we had actively work to listen to each other without reacting first.

But we DID try to ask questions and really listen to the answers, to seek to really understand the other side, and to learn from each other.

And we DID end the conversation with misty eyes and tight hugs, saying firmly: I don’t agree with you, and I still love you.

And that conversation – I really think it was important for us to have. Because to be fully loved, you have to be fully known. You have to let yourself be seen and you have to try to see others. Like, REALLY, actually, through-and-through see and know and love them.

Remember that quote? The process of becoming real? We’re working on it, our little squad. Working on it by way of the occasional hard conversation, but also (and maybe more importantly?) shared pistachio gelato, storytelling over long pasta dinners, and sun-soaked dog-watching lounge sessions in the grass.

Grateful, grateful, grateful for these lifelong friends.

Now. Onto the good stuff: the ice creaming, brunching, seal-watching best of La Jolla.

We came in on a Thursday morning and stayed through Sunday – it was a perfect amount of time to walk the parks, shop the boutiques, and sit outside soaking up the sun. We flew into San Diego (direct flights from both Minneapolis and Denver, thank you very much) and then took a 15 minute Uber ride into La Jolla where we spent the rest of our four days soaking up the quiet vibes of this quaint and luxurious little seaside city. If you like Big Sur (which gave me, TBH, one of the best days of my life) and you like San Diego, this is a good mix of both all in a one-stop shop.

Big hugs to you all as you work, plan trips, carry on with regular life, and continue to show unconditional love to your people in these unusually divided days.

49 Comments

I have felt that same heaviness since I differ in opinion with many people in my circles, not the super close ones, but still, friends. Over the last few months this dark election cloud seems to have hung over me and pressed on my heart. exactly as you said: “How can this even happen? That friends don’t see eye-to-eye on what feels like such a big major deal?” HOW?? But yes, it does happen and it makes things tough, but we all made it through and must agree to disagree <3
It's amazing how hard society/we have made it to 'become real'! thank you for sharing! I think your gal pals and you are brave and to discuss something so deep and come out closer, is a true testament to what you all share 🙂

Lindsay,
I really appreciate you sharing your perspective and giving us a peek into your closest relationships. I know for a fact that members of my family all voted 4 different ways as well, and because of that (plus social media, of course) I have been feeling super anxious about going home for Thanksgiving.

Thanks for sharing your words of loving while still disagreeing. My family has typically seen eye-to-eye, but the last few years have shown that we do not necessarily agree on everything. Certain people in my family also struggle with listening before reacting emotionally, and so I am praying to that end–that I would listen well, and that we would be able to talk about the issues even while disagreeing, then still hug each other and know that our love doesn’t change regardless of political leanings.

Aw, Becca, I hope you give those people a big hug and feel love for them under all the layers of disagreement. It’s so basic, but honestly, hugging my friends after our conversation really was strangely healing. <3

Thanks for your post. I, like another person who commented, commend you for your very balanced approach toward discussing the election.

Unfortunately, I, too, had to unfollow a few blogs that completely unloaded their opinions in their post-election post – a few bloggers I unfollowed aren’t even U.S. residents yet were chiming in with their not-always-accurate and rather dismal thoughts on the state of our great and beautiful country.

And, while it *is* their right as it is *their* blog, it still alienates many a follower. Especially when such an extreme stance is presented. (And I’ve voted for both parties for president at different times of my life. I choose person over party.)

I love this! I am currently sat waiting for a flight back to the U.S. for my annual Thanksgiving visit. My entire family voted differently from me and it has been hard since the election. The butterflies are in my stomach and I have been anxious for days; I am dreading that this could ruin my entire visit, which is sad because I only ever make it back to the US every 18 months. The conversations I’ve tried to have haven’t been great since last Wednesday and I am trying to stay positive that my family will be open and real with me, as opposed to their current state of hostility and “we told you so”. ::sigh:: We shall see, but I know I will have given it my best and kept an open mind throughout.

Honestly this is my most favorite article I’ve seen about the election and differing opinions so far. I don’t normally comment but I felt like I had to share, this was the best thing I could have read today!

I wish I had read this three weeks ago! We visited La Jolla and your tips and list of places would have been great to have. Having said that, we had a wonderful time and loved this place. Reading your blog brought back some great memories. Love how you handled your discussion and embraced your differences. Peace.

I just use my 50mm 1.4 lens cause it’s the lightest to carry around. 🙂 I actually decided that for our Europe trip, in the name of simplicity, I’m going iPhone only! eeeek! can’t wait to give that a try.

What a beautiful post and warm tradition you have. La Jolla is gorgeous- we travelled the entire California coast when we first married. It’s a BC (before children) kind of trip. Yes the election was difficult for all. I’ve never seen such vitriol from both sides in an election before – and I’ve seen many! You said it well – in the end we love each other, not because of our beliefs, but in spite of them. Thanks for sharing.

I live about 45 mins from la jolla. And i go there often for brunch with my husband and daughters. I love la jolla and I was so excited to see the cottage on your list! That has been our go to place when we want a relaxing brunch and walk afterwards ! Now I’m going to branch out and try the other spots you recommend 🙂

Seriously – we had heard such great things about the Cottage but I think I actually (surprisingly) liked Sugar and Scribe (right across the street) so much better. The vibe was just so fun and the food was amazing! you’ll have to check it out.

I just had my high school students watch the TED Talk “Can a Divided America Heal”(Jonathan Haidt), and he makes some really excellent points on the division that exists currently. Considering your recent conversations you might find it interesting!

Wow. You’re stronger than I am. I’m so heartsick at this election that I can’t even look at the news most days, let alone talk about it with dear ones. Most of my dear ones voted the same way I did…but they don’t understand that I’m not ready for humor about it just yet. But I’m so glad you found this sparkling light in the dark days.

I just love your post and had to also unfollow mean bloggers who lashed out, but it is so nice you and and your friends can have different point of views and talk about it then all hug and go on, it is not worth ruining years of love you all have, i am older and have seen elections come and go and you know what we all manage to move on, people get married, have babies and travel. I can tell you have a loving heart and so glad you shared this and you are a wonderful example to many.

Lindsay — Tasteful blog post on all subjects! I love to stay at the Torrey Pines Lodge in La Jolla — rarely can I afford more than a few days, but the architecture of The Lodge is not to be missed. It has a river stone outdoor fireplace that looks like there ought to be some Hobbits around.

THIS is exactly the kind of blog post I’ve been looking for about the election. We are women, but we aren’t a monolithic group. We are diverse with difference strengths, struggles and, yes, political beliefs. But that shouldn’t get in the way of loving the amazing people in our lives.

What a lovely post, I think as we get older it becomes easier to accept the vastly different opinions of our friends and loved ones. This fashion of hating others who don’t feel as we do has been fostered and encouraged by the media, most people are pretty decent and want the best. I think it’s about time decency and old time respect for others came back into fashion.

Thank you, thank you for this post! It’s a great reminder to truly listen to people’s opinions and still love and respect them even when we disagree! Looks like you had a fun trip! Thanks for sharing! 🙂

Ok, so this helped me tremendously, because I, too, was having a really, really hard time with this. This election has become a divide between members of my family. I am afraid that it still will be with some, but maybe not with all. Hope this can help others heal and realize that we can move past this, too, as incredulous as we may be: http://johnpavlovitz.com/2016/11/17/if-you-voted-for-him/

Hi – I live in San Diego County – East so was glad to see your post on La Jolla. Am also a foody. So, just thought i would leave a note here and if you wanted to connect with me and my organization Future Dawning Enterprises — very environmentally-concerned. Don’t have a website up as yet — had one but took it down a couple years ago, then got sick and have’t put it back up. Am really bummed out with the election.