Friday, December 18, 2009

How Much Do You Share?

"How much do you share?" This was the question brought up on the adoption message board I frequent. Here's my personal belief and my response to the woman's question:

I share the following with almost anyone:where she was born

that we stay in touch with her bio mom

how old Ella is

the agency we used

why we chose adoption

that we plan to adopt again

what I do not share with people we don't know well:anything else not listed above

what is only shared with a few very close friends and our parents and siblings:

her birth name

select information about her bio mom such as her first name and age

personal information about our adoption experience

There are a few things we haven't shared with anyone simply because it's not necessary. It's not about being secretive as it is being respectful of my child and her bio mom.

My philosophy on this stems from my relatives who adopted, shared too much too soon, and their child was teased because of this information. They warned us not to share too much. Once info is out there, you can't take it back. And I want to be the one to tell my child information as it is appropriate for her age and understanding---not the neighbor or her grandparents or friends.

My advice---don't hand out information like candy on Halloween. I am not ashamed of any part of my child's adoption; however, I am also not going to give out information simply because people are curious. I have learned that it is OK not to answer questions!!

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