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What do you do with a show that no longer has a big mystery to solve? Throw the mob in!

Actually, just throw everything in as we try to remember what Riverdale is and try to figure out where it’s going. But “Chapter Twenty-Five” did at least seem like a small shuffle in the right direction.

Poor Archie, as per last week’s episode, strengthens his ties with the Lodge family by offering to help Hiram. Helping, apparently, means being an errand boy for Hiram. Though the kid’s work pays off when Hiram asks Archie to work his poker game before Veronica’s confirmation.

Archie is, of course, still mixed up with the FBI. Or the rogue FBI agent. I’m still not convinced this guy is professional. When Archie tells him about working the poker game, the agent is adamant that Archie spies for him. While Archie agrees, he refuses to wear a wire at the game.

But again, poor Archie. He’s a bit delusional just because Veronica is his ‘one true love’ or whatever (you’re sixteen, boy). Getting himself wrapped more tightly around her finger is hands-down the dumbest thing the fool could do.

At the poker game at Pop’s, Archie listens in on the conversations with Hiram and his ‘colleagues’. The men are from various areas of business, but Papa Poutine from Canada is hands-down the most vocal.

After realising that Archie is the son of the man who had an affair with Hermione, Papa Poutine starts to throw his power around. When he goes outside for air, Archie overhears him talking to another man, talking about their chance to ‘remove’ Hiram.

Meanwhile, Bughead are reunited after Jughead is informed that everyone in his mobile home park is being evicted. He goes to Mayor McCoy, but learns that she’s refusing to do anything.

With the head of the Colonel Pickens still missing, the Serpents are bearing the brunt of the blame. Jughead asks Betty for her help trying to solve the mystery and save the park.

Only Jughead has one big problem: the return of Penny Peabody.

Ms. Peabody is back to help the Serpents out of their trouble. After she tells everyone about how Jughead forcibly removed her tattoo, no one is on the boy’s side. Especially FP. Penny suggests a vote: either it’s her or Jughead.

The kids all head to Veronica’s pointless confirmation (I guess this is the show’s way of pushing the weird mob angle). After, Jughead and Betty get a call about the head, thanks to the fliers they put up all over town.

The man at the junkyard who called said he saw the head – and the man who left the head. He describes a man in a Serpent jacket who is also tall – aka Tall Boy.

Jughead, FP and Betty are able to stop the vote that has pitted Jughead and Penny against each other. They bring their evidence forward, and Tall Boy easily admits that he took the head. He said Hiram Lodge told him to do it, and he did it because he simply hates Jughead.

With another mystery solved, Betty and Jughead get together again. Which hopefully this sticks for at least a few episodes. There’s only so much back-and-forth we can do. I think I have whiplash.

Back at Ronnie’s party, the confirmed girl (that’s a thing now – I’ve deemed it so) asks her father not to involve Archie anymore. But Archie himself gets deeper into the mess by telling Hiram what he overheard the night before.

Hiram makes a phone call, and Archie later learns that Papa Poutine has been found dead. Shot in the head after leaving Veronica’s party. Despite the opportunity to tell the FBI about this, Archie doesn’t because ARCHIE IS STUPID.

Thanks to her parents’ silly meddling, Veronica receives one more gift: the head of General Pickens. So was it Betty or Jughead that sent the little gift? It doesn’t seem in character for either, but who the hell knows these characters anymore?

Our last cliffhanger comes when Betty returns home after her time with Jughead. While she’s all glow-y and beam-y she quickly realises that something is wrong. When she walks into her living room, she sees Alice cleaning up the blood around the head of an unknown man. A man who was there to see Chic.

I usually love the little twists thrown in at the end of Riverdale episodes, but this week I was not as “shook” as a lot of people on the internet. I mean, hello? This guy is 101% creep. Of course bodies are going to pile up around him!

Unless we’re dished a good twist (I really hope Hal killed the unknown man, because don’t forget: this fucker is the real Black Hood!), I’m not interested. This has all the potential to turn into a cliched “we buried a body in our backyard and the police stop by for zany antics” plotline.

With Cheryl Blossom notably absent from this week’s episode, I really hope something big is planned for her for the rest of the season. We need a bit of spice here. I’m not buying into the lame mafia twist. Let’s wrap this up, folks.

One last, lingering question. How easy is it to behead a statue? Asking for a friend.