10/12/2009

Daily Reflections

Sunday: “Sometimes I think I should stop putting
tourniquets on my legs for no reason.”

Monday: “Janet, I lost my nail scissors and I know
this will not end well.”

Tuesday: “Hey, why don’t you come over here and sit on
my lap?Wait, you don’t have
diarrhea, do you?”

Wednesday: “I wish you hadn’t lied to me about the
diarrhea.”

Thursday:“’Musical Toilets’ might be a fun game to play, provided that a.) you
have a good speaker system, b.) the bathroom floor isn’t dangerously wet and
slippery and c.) you know a lot of desperate, insane people with no
boundaries.”

Friday: “It’s hard not to stare at albinos, ESPECIALLY
WHEN THEY’RE GIVING YOU A BLOW JOB.”

Saturday: “Ventriloquists can throw their voices, but I
can throw my vagina. One to grow on.”