a skipped prompt worth going back to

i think i’ve skipped a prompt or two so far. and i’m ok with it. especially when i read this amazing entry from a fellow reverber (is that even a word?!) i felt i could let myself off the hook a little. look, forcing yourself to sit and write every single day is really hard. harder still among christmas hustle and bustle, work, kids, husband, friends, work, work, work.

but this one, this one was too important to who i’ve become this year. i had to go back.

December 16 – Friendship How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

besides all the wonderful people i praised in a previous post, there is one that sticks out in my mind. one who when i read this prompt i said “yep, it’s gotta be about him” one who has always supported me in every way i ever needed in this journey to becoming myself and following my passion and my talent. the weirdest part of this is that he lives on the other side of the country, and we’ve never met in person.

i’m not quite sure how far back to rewind this thing, but for the sake of keeping things relatively short i’ll start when i became friends with his wife. Amanda was on my mothering forum, when we were both pregnant with our 2nd kids. just one of those women i clicked with. we took our friendship outside of our forum and onto facebook. and in doing this i noticed “uh, wow, your husband is a pretty damn good photographer…” and after stalking his facebook business page for a while, i got up the guts to start asking him questions. gear questions, questions about how he had come to do what he was doing, what got him into photography. and one day i looked up and he’s one of my best friends. i pretty much tell him and talk to him about anything and everything i would tell my other closest friends. we constantly marvel at how bizarre the world works these days, two friends, connected through wires.

i don’t know if this is worth mentioning or not. today, it feels like it’s worth mentioning. that Ryan didn’t complete school. not art school, not college. he’s one of the most amazing photographers i know with talent and wisdom beyond his years. and he’s taught himself all of it. mentors have come and gone throughout his life and he’s spent the time picking the gems, keeping the good stuff for later, making the most out of learning through the life experience. maybe that’s what drew me in the most. as long as i can remember i’ve struggled with school. i got through one year of college and wanted to run screaming. who knows, maybe if i hadn’t been so afraid to be myself, i’d have paid attention to my love for art. alas, life was too noisy. still, it’s one of my biggest insecurities, that and the fact that i did the whole get married and have a baby thing a little backwards.

i don’t know if i should say any of what i’m doing is because of him, but i think i can firmly say that i don’t think i would have gone for it, not this year, without him. i am doing the same thing he has done, gone to people i trust and respect with questions about every little annoying thing. but the resentment builds, i can feel it. recently someone said it was because i hadn’t gone to school. it had been eluded to before. don’t ask us these questions that we went to school to have answered and you just get to sit there and ask us. you know who never made me feel less than? who never once has showed even one ounce of annoyance? who even when i apologize over and over for asking what i think are stupid questions tells me that not only can he answer them but he’s happy to answer them? Ryan. he’s never once doubted my skill or talent or my ability to learn anything i want to learn. it’s never a competition, we’re always just two people who are crazy interested in the same thing. when i come home from a shoot where i think i messed up 101 things, i’ll show him some of the shots and he’ll bring me back to reality. it’s never harsh with him. it’s always a learning experience. it’s always kind.

he has changed my perspective on myself. he believes i can do this and i can do it the way i need to. the way that works best for me. he believes in my work and my talent. it’s been really refreshing having someone who actually knows anything about all of this to tell me i’m good. i almost can’t believe it. i only hope that someday i can do the same for someone else. thank you never quite covers it. and i can hardly wait for the day we’re in the same state, cameras in hand, enjoying this thing we share together.

xo

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if you’re in CA you should look up Ryan Daley even if you’re NOT in CA you should look him up.