Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Job Interview Beauty Paradoxes

The job search continues. Job interviews are not easy for chubby, frizzy haired, clumsy ladies. Well, I mean, the interview is ok. It's making it there in one presentable piece that's the problem.

Take this:

I'm short. Like, garden gnome sized. My inseam is 24 inches. Even a 3 inch heel lengthens my legs by 1/8th of their total. Ever try to walk when something throws a wrench in your physics like that? I have. It doesn't tend to work out.

Solution. Flat shoes, right? Well. There are pointy toe flat shoes:

Or "ballet" flats. I love ballet flats. I wear them all the time. I even have a pair of suede Puma ballet flat/tennis shoe love children. I have some in ever color. Oooone problem, they aren't really grown up shoes:

It's especially bad if they have sparkly bits. Like the only black pair I own that I haven't run ragged.

And then there's my face. I have a naturally mean face:

It can't be helped. But it can be whatever-the-opposite-word-of-helped-is-that-also-isn't-"hurt"-becuase-duh-if-you-punch-it-it-would-hurt-and-that's-not-what-I-mean. What if I smile?

What about my glasses. I can get through an interview without them. But maybe they soften the look, make me seem smarter?

It a constant "could you be any stupider expression". Not to say that some of the weird HR people I've talked to didn't deserve that look. But I'm aiming for "See! I'm Friendly! You want to work with me!". Aiming and missing. Because I end up looking like an angry captain of a chess team.

And then the hair. I'm a quarter of a century old. I've made my peace with my curly, crazy hair. But it still, after 10 years on the plains, hasn't made it's peace with the wind. I can wear it down or up, the result is the same.