Somehow I neglected to cover this from a couple days ago, but during CNN’s election night coverage, Wolf Blitzer unveiled CNN’s latest infotainment future weapon – THE HOLOGRAM!

We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything… like this.*hologram*
Round of applause. We did it. Now, Susan, I know you’re in Chicago, but we’ve done something incredible… we’ve beamed you in.

There you have it, folks. Thanks to the magic of unnecessary technology, news as we know it will never be the same. Do you remember, back in the olden days of news, when great grandad was still shitting in a can and using his feces to scribble on the walls of his cave? When they would use a “split screen” and that extra 15% of the frame around the correspondent was simply wasted? That 15% is a thing of the past! A dodo bird scribbling on carbon paper! A neanderthal in an Edsel! A milkman riding a tricerotops!

“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this.”

*pulls out stack of paper, begins reading*

“Burnsy says, Almost as impressive as FOX’s new holocaust. The Mighty Feklahr says, Meh, better than the “Urinescope” from “The Day The Earth Froze”. The Mighty Feklahr says, *hologram reporter chokes to death* Apology accepted….etc.”

11.07.08 at 2:41 am

Aimlessly On

“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this. RoboPope!! ASSEMBLE!!!”

11.07.08 at 2:54 am

Aimlessly On

“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this.”

*puts on jetpack, flies through CNN roof*

“Pretty cool, huh? Alright, I want all viewers to call in, telling me what you would do with a jetpack.

11.07.08 at 2:58 am

Aimlessly On

Whoops, forgot the final “.

*googles Emma Eatson porn*

11.07.08 at 3:43 am

champsuperstar

You win everything on the internet for the title of that post.

11.07.08 at 8:49 am

Stone Soup

“We’re going to do something that’s never been done on television. I want you to watch what we’re about to do because I know you’ve never seen anything . . . like this.”