Is this a conspiracy by those doge coin funded Jamaicans? Maybe it’s the Russians, paying us back for all those years of economic instability and needless arms racing. Or yeah, it could just be a coincidence.

No matter the reasoning, Johnny Quinn is basically the equivalent of Sylvester Stallone’s character in Escape Plan at this point. I would’ve said Lock Up, but I figure why choose between an old turd when there’s a new one floating in the bowl still.

The guy can’t seem to catch a break. That or he enjoys the attention he’s getting and wants to sop it up like Thanksgiving gravy. Luckily he and his bobsled bros managed to escape in time to appear on Piers Morgan. If that was my fate, I’d have stayed in the elevator.