Two Things Bartenders Will Hate You For

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Sifton’s new column isn’t the only one popping up at the Times today — in the inaugural installment of his drinking column, “The Tipsy Diaries,” Sifty’s predecessor Frank Bruni profiles P.J. Clarke’s barkeep Doug Quinn, who met his wife while working the bar and isn’t afraid to set you up with yours: “A great bartender will get you a date for the evening, get you a job, and get you a new apartment,” he says. But that doesn’t mean he’ll get you anything.

“Don’t ask for a Red Bull and vodka,” he tells Bruni. “You want an energy drink? I have coffee.” Ooh, bitchy — but not as bitchy as the Bitchy Waiter, who today chastises patrons that are indecisive about their drink orders: “It makes me want to grab their nipples, twist them off and use them as a garnish on their Cosmopolitan.”