How to deal with self-criticism, clumsiness, and physical pain

In one of my creative journaling classes, we
were looking at the unhelpful messages we send ourselves. We were so critical!
We have been trained by our cultures to think that we are projects in need of
renovation and improvement. “Every day in every way, I get better and better,”
an elderly woman once told me she tells herself every day.

Into this mindset, and illness balls with a
thud.

Hence, this promise to myself to be tender with
weakness.

“What would you do if a friend told you she was
thinking these things about herself?” I asked the class. Participants were
quick to offer compassionate reassurances. We know how to support one another,
but we rarely turn that mercy toward ourselves.

A story I often tell myself is that my life
should be graceful and pain-free. This is why I get so out of sorts when my
legs spasm or I can’t slot the wheelchair gently into place. No tenderness
there; I grumble and growl.

Instead, I can pause for a minute and realize
my perfectionist expectations. They are, after all, sweet and silly. Meeting my
pain with curiosity and imagining golden light shining on it and penetrating my
body lifts my experience into the sacred. Taking a breath and repositioning my
wheelchair, I can try again.

Tenderness can bring peace to an otherwise
troubled existence.

In your journal:

Make a list of unhelpful
messages you send yourself. Answer back as though you were a compassionate friend.

What happens right before you
get snippy? What story are you telling yourself? What’s another story you could
tell?