SETUP: I met this girl, had our first date, which went phenomenal! We walked around the city, ran in a fountain because it was super hot out, laid in a park together, pee’d behind a building together(always a good sign of a keeper). I mean we are talking no inhibitions, amazing conversation, and some amazing kissing. So of course we are gonna have date two! Shit date 2 and 3 and 4 were also fantastic. We even facetimed a bunch of times in between. The connection felt great! No sex involved at this point and everything seemed great with texts throughout the days and just good communication.

So we decide to spend a weekend together. Like a whole weekend, overnight bag and all. She comes over and I make her dinner. While we are sitting in the kitchen and I am cooking, I had just watched a video about Elon Musk’s theory that we are all living in a simulation, so wanting to talk about it I start to explain what I saw in case she hadn’t seen it(I am considerate when it comes to subjects that people may not have background to) and when I am about half way through my explanation of what it was she stops me mid way and says “I don’t know what that is, who Elon Musk is, I feel like you are just making me feel stupid”. I was like whoa… wtf. So we got quiet and I continued making dinner since obviously conversation was dead at this point. See this should have been my OOMT moment where I realized it was all going to go to shit, but alas, I figured maybe she just had a bad day and was hangry.

We ate and discussed the fact that she totally snapped at me trying to have a conversation to which I was told her ex “constantly made me feel stupid”. So I was like hmm rock and hard place here… how do I bring up conversation about things she might not know and not make her go have PTSD. Oh well another time.

Anyway rest of the night went well. Went to the roof, had some wine, it was nice.

So now the rest of the weekend is a blur because I was completely dehydrated and malnutritioned since the rest of the weekend was spent sexing. Yup, pure unadulterated sex, grab a glass of water, sex again. Sounds pretty fantastic right? Well, there is this one thing on my end, I am a little difficult to figure out. And by figure out I mean make me orgasm lol. You daft fucks. I definitely don’t fit into the “30 second guy” role. Shit I spend so much time trying to please the girl I am with, I often forget to even think about myself. You can read more about that here if you want. But back to the story at hand. During said coitus, I also have a bit of a difficult time explaining what I want someone to do, pretty much because all the blood from my brain is now in my pee pee. So while I can answer yes or no questions pretty well, I cannot recite the Gettysburg address.

I make sure to let my partner know this as well!

This is where things can often fall apart with someone who, I should have caught onto earlier, has self confidence issues. See for me, if I cannot figure out a girl sexually, I have done research over time and will continue to do it to make sure I understand what they like. But you have to be really confident in your sexuality and abilities for this.If you doubt yourself, having someone not able to orgasm without a little bit of effort and knowledge beyond, put it in your hole, when most guys are 1 2 squirters, usually ends up with “I give up”, followed by silence, followed by “do you not find me attractive?”, followed by me playing therapist versus enjoying the moment, once again staring at my ceiling going, “ahhh fuck me”, in every definition of the phrase.

Believe it or not we haven’t gotten to the OOMT yet. We continued through the weekend with this weird but satisfying sex regardless. And she told me while we were laying for a break once that she would like me to tell her more about what I like at some point when I had more blood in my brain and not my dick. I was like sure! That was awesome. I appreciated that acknowledgment that “during” is not always the best time to get in depth on this shit.

Anyway, sextravaganza weekend ends and she heads home.

Later that day, I decide to ask her via text if I can send her an article I read once that I saved which I believe explains what I like really well, so the next time she might have a little more insight. I also followed it with the obvious, “had a wonderful time” “everything felt great” “you had asked me to talk to you more about it” yadda yadda.

A few hours passes, which was a little bit weird considering how she usually texted me back within 15 minutes or less. So I text her something about something else happening that I thought she would get a kick out of at this point, since I figure she is busy and will see these when she is free.

OOMT: Well what I didn’t know was that few hours was used over analysing me ASKING if I could send this article(not actually sending it) and becoming super insecure and pissed about it. Not talking to me and expressing her thoughts, but literally festering everything inside her for what would be one of the most vindictive ways to respond to a text you dislike I have experienced to date.

PING, I get a Video Text, not of her but of her friends making fun of me for EVERYTHING we had been talking about that weekend, even if it had NOTHING to do with the part that bothered her(me asking if she would be ok with me sending an article, not even sending it), having a board game night for my birthday, me wanting to have an intellectual conversation about Elon musk the night before, sexual shit we were talking about… this was her response instead of just saying “hey this bothered me”.

It was so middle school “talk to your girlfriends before actually talking to the person who it matters with first” ya know the person who you just fucked for 48 hours straight, spent a week or more getting to know prior, and then taking it an extra step and make a video with your friends bashing me and calling me a douchebag, while she laughs in the background. Friends who would now always see me as some creep due to a distorted concept of context.

That shit hurt. I opened my home to her. I opened my life to her. I shared. And it was a sucker punch from someone not being considerate of another human. It was someone literally just someone so insecure and closed off with themselves they had to lash out through talking to other people about personal conversations and then using that insulting video to try to get me to apologize for something I didn’t even know was an issue. Apparently taking out on me past relationship baggage(that we all suffer from, some just choose to see everyone as an individual). When I responded with “Well I guess this is over, I am sorry I upset you”. She wrote back, why can’t you just apologize?! Apparently she was expecting me not to say “well this is over” and move on but to apologize for something I didn’t actually know was a problem yet.

She then proceeded to tell me “I am glad I see how you deal with personal intimate matters” when she was the one who literally sent me a video of her friends pulling apart every intimate thing we had talked about and even non intimate things like a board game night, as if I was some nerdy kid in middle school getting railed on for not wearing the cool kid shoes. Don’t get me wrong I am glad this happened as soon as it did, but man that was a sucker punch that left a mark for the time being.

Just sitting there with a pit in my stomach that someone could literally get so worked up and so nasty so quickly. You just never know who anyone is. And the insecurity of hers projected to me as if I was some fucking asshole and this was a first date, someone who she didn’t text on a regular basis, and didn’t just fuck their brains out for 48 hours, during which she was saying how much she liked me and thought I was a great guy. She just flipped her shit on me in seconds.

She literally said “I made the video so you could feel how embarrassed I felt” to which I said, “my text to you was PRIVATE. Yet the video you sent me was NOT, it was your friends ripping apart everything we had talked about over the past few days even if it had nothing to do with the part that made you feel embarrassed while you laughed in the background.”

And yes I know there are always two sides to every story. But I promise one thing: I was honest at every step. And she held a lot in apparently that I didn’t even realize. It just felt shitty to be bombarded by a personal conversation made so public for no apparent reason other than “ I want you to feel embarrassed”.

Obviously I am happy I know who she really is now. But for fucks sake, why does it need to be a sucker punch every, single, time.

I was later told via text I was asking her to articulate things too soon, but considering I never asked for anything romantic or relationship related to be articulated I can only assume this is in reference to conversation topics I brought up about world events. To which she said “scared” her. Odd choice of words for articulating thoughts. As well she told me she would get nervous on FaceTime when we used it because she hadn’t done it before (for talking only) but in reality this meant she felt things were moving too fast. Even though it was never articulated to be such. And she just spent 48 hours boning me… It is an obvious bad match, but it still amazes me how different the entire situation was seen from her end. And how little I was informed of her view until she decided to shame me to her friends for things I enjoyed in life, as if every moment we spent together was all bad. People who hold in everything that bothers them and then lash out at a later date when it adds up and boils over for them are scary to me because, it just shows how little information you are actually getting in the everyday interactions as opposed to what’s really in their head. I always thought the point of time and getting to know someone was to be able to assess them on the interactions you have not hold it all as ammo for a later date, while not taking into consideration context of every interaction up till then and what you learned in the time you knew them. Instead it is like they stopped getting to know you when they found the first issue, and just starting loading the gun. Then looking back on prior people who shot them to justify their inevitable murder by projecting past relationships all over the place. I hope she gets time to heal for whoever she meets next. It really does suck to have to be treated as if you are already walking in the mistakes of others. Because after sending a video like that and then she repeatedly said “I am the bigger person to say I apologize for it” is like punching you in the balls first then saying oh “my bad” now say sorry for the thing you did that you didn’t know you did because I can’t articulate it.

AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT I GOT THIS MESSAGE A WEEK LATER:

You have got to be kidding me. “I meant no ill intent” hahahahahhaahha. And if she liked me so much.. oh never mind you all get it by now. Apparently you need to block friends of friends now after shit goes down.

The real question is, if someone likes you so much, why let their friend “roast” you in the first place 😛

And then 2 weeks later she wished me a happy birthday over text. I must have REALLY “embarrassed” her for her to want to contact me again instead of moving on, on my birthday, even though I said goodbye after that crap she pulled. Block time me thinks. Reminds me of the old high school ex that calls you and txts you every year until college is over on important days.

Oh well best birthday gift ever: confirmation my text was not actually that bad. This does show she has a very kind side mixed with her neurotic side. It’s just too bad her neurotic side is so damn conniving.

And now I tangent for a moment:

I have done a lot of self reflection on relationships as you know from my writing and I think the missed wire here was she actually was communicating , in her own way, things to me, but in my world and way of seeing the world I wasn’t getting the message because it was so diluted and indirect that I just saw it as comments not statements. It is becoming very clear that her insecurities were very much hidden but to her very obvious because of the insecurities. A vicious cycle for a very open person to run into. This is similar to my ideas of Observation VS Analysis.

I desperately need someone in my life who understands that a question doesn’t only consist of cause and effect, but causes and effects. When I am told, asked, or see something I immediately in what can only be described as a subconscious millisecond, think of every possible scenario for what I am experiencing. It might be far fetched, stupid, the wrong choice, and the right ones, but the key here is that without even trying, I have just broken down a billion scenarios in the blink of an eye, and therefore when I answer or ask, I expect the person in the conversation with me to be able to continue forward having already ruled out the, what I would call “obvious”. No I am not blowing my own horn of self righteousness here, I am being honest, there are so many people who literally don’t think past the surface. Through experience and meeting different people you learn this.

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About Me

My name is Tristan and I am a photographer/director and hopeful romantic. I am here sharing my writing, a journal entry to myself with the intent of others reading it. I talk in a very open stream of consciousness. Feel free to get lost.