Winning. I Think.

Chew the Vitamin C from the kitchen counter that is, in fact, not at all chewable.

Put the yogurt away long after breakfast. In the dry pantry.

Assume my coffee cup is empty and casually carry it downstairs to the kitchen, only to discover it was not empty and I've left a trail of vanilla-hazelnut-carpet-stainyness down the ENTIRE F_CKING carpeted staircase.

Lay down to empty the washing machine filter to see water rush out... and moments later feel my socks become saturated (5' away)... and THEN see that the laminate floor, wood trim, cable box, and associated power cords have been flooded with water.

Stop hatin'.
This can be yours one day, too.

Just hit yourself over the head a few times and piss the Universe off. Nothin' doin'.

4 comments:

1- No biggie, other than a bad taste. All they do is add sugar to the vitamins to make them chewable, and charge a lot more $.2-No biggie. Yogurt is cheap. It will dry out before mold grows on it. Wait, that's here. Where you are it might become a breeding ground for slugs the size of bananas.3-That is bad. Which why we don't have any carpet anywhere, except for the stairway and it JUST HAPPENS to be the exact colour of coffee.4-EEK! That can be very bad. If you got the water turned off quick, and mopped up quicker, it could yet be all ok. If you don't electrocute yourself while doing that, leaving your baby to be raised by a husband prostrated with grief and with the assistance of neurotic dogs.