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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

This week a year ago we were officially matched with our first birthmom! I can't believe it's been that long. On Mother's Day last year is when we told our families. Time doesn't fly.

I know this is seems silly now, given our current events, but this is still a hard thing. I often wonder where that baby girl is and how she is doing. I still pray for her and our birthmom. It hurts my heart that I don't know how they are. I like to imagine that things turned out great for them, and that they are both doing well. I think that makes it easier for us.

Don't get me wrong, I am SO SO excited and thankful to be pregnant. I spend many hours in my day just thinking, singing too, getting ready and saying thankful prayers for our daughter. We are so blessed and in such an unexpected way.

But, it still is hard sometimes. As much as I am BEYOND grateful, I can't help but think of what life would be like with a 9 month old now. I think about juggling a baby while being pregnant. I look at the things I had bought for her. We were going to name her Kensington and I think how cute that both of our girl's names would have started with a K. It's hard to keep your mind from going there.

I am so happy to be pregnant, but it still doesn't seem real. Yes, we are over half way there. We know the gender, have things ready and get to see her in ultrasounds. But, there is still a cautious excitement. I guess I just can't believe that she's already mine. That's not how my brain is wired to think anymore. We had learned to take things as they come. Enjoy the little things in each day and not dwell on what the future has in store. I never thought this would be possible and here I am updating and reading back through this crazy ride we've been on, with a growing belly and swollen feet.

Michael and I were breaking down our last year month by month. Sure, we have one or two that we can't even remember but for the most part we can break down big events from each month. I've learned that time doesn't fly when you're healing.

But, these last couple of months I've learned that time sure does fly when you're happy. The weather is changing, flowers are blooming, and we are having a baby.