Information for young people

U can cope! How to cope when life is difficult

About this leaflet

When life is difficult, it's important to be able to cope
without feeling emotionally overwhelmed. Another word for this is
'resilience'. In other words, resilience is the ability to cope
with upsetting or difficult life events and...be the best we can
be

deal affectively with difficulties

become stronger and feel OK

bounce back

learn from mistakes and bad experiences and then be able to
leave them behind.

We can improve our ability to cope. This leaflet will
give you some ideas about how to do this.

Some things around us that can help our ability to cope and be
resilient are

thinking and learning about who we are

having caring relationships with people

knowing what to expect from others, and ourselves

joining in with the people we live with, our friends and
family, in school, college or work and in our local community

knowing that people 'believe' in us.

Not all of us have everything in the list above, but we can
still do things for ourselves to help our situation. It might be
difficult to see how you could change some of these things for the
better, but you can.

We can learn to understand and work through feelings of anger,
sadness or rejection and get beyond them.

Learning who we are and what we want from
life.

Learning what we need - knowing how to speak
to others politely while still getting our message across, and
knowing that what we do can make a difference.

Be interested in yourself! - your feelings
count, they are important and valuable, so pay attention to
them!

Learning what we want to do - the belief and
understanding that our life has meaning and we can make a
difference to other people and other things.

Developing a purpose in life - having specific
plans or dreams for ourselves.

Trying to find ways to think positively so we can:

Feel good about our future - which is more
likely to help positive things happen. It might be
difficult to see how you could change some of these things for the
better, but there are some tips in this leaflet for that. There are
also things you can do within yourself ...

These are some of the things about you that you could work on to
develop your resilience and become good at coping with
difficulties. These include practical things such as:

make time to enjoy life and have fun!

meet up with friends

join a youth club or activity group

have a hobby

take part in family activity you enjoy

take part in sports or go for a walk with friends

listen to music that makes you feel happy, play an instrument,
'air drums', sing

watch TV, use a computer or play on a 'gadget' for a short
time

phone or text a friend

read a magazine or book, or write something yourself

look after a pet, walk a friend's dog

be kind to yourself ... find new ways to relax and have
fun

be kind to someone, help someone, just because you can ...!!
Nothing feels quite as good as knowing we have a purpose in
life!

Look after yourself ... act early ...

Get help if you feel that you are getting more worried. Try
doing something you enjoy to help see you through. Write a 'worry
list' of what's bothering you - break it down into small and
manageable parts and tackle each one at a time ...

If you are worried or sad, it may feel like a lonely
time, but there are people who want to help you, even if just by
listening.

Why not think about this BEFORE you have a problem?

Keep a reminder of the people and things you love on your
mobile or in your pocket, wallet or purse to remind you if you ever
need cheering up.

Make a list of people you trust who would want to listen and
help you. Can you share your feelings with your Mum and Dad or your
carer? Think about family, other trusted adults and friends you can
talk to.

Make a plan about who you can tell, if needed. Remember, we all
need to talk about things sometimes. If we know who we can talk to
before we need them, it makes it so much easier.

Keep this leaflet in a safe place. You never know, you may be
on someone else's list and this could help them to build their
resilience.

My Personal Plan

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Helpful suggestions to think about

Thousands of people are overwhelmed every day ... but find ways
to get through these intense feelings - like them, you can get
through it.

You just have to cope with one day at a time.

Your distress can be a sign that you need to change something
in your life.

Keep this leaflet in a safe place. You never know when you, or
someone you care about, might need it.

Support organisations for people who are distressed,
are experiencing suicidal thoughts or who self-harm and their
families

Anything you tell them will be completely confidential. The
volunteers are ordinary people who won't judge you. Some of the
most popular organisations are listed below. You may contact as
many or as few as you like - it's up to you and it's OK to contact
more than one.

PAPYRUS
HOPELineUK: Tel: 0800 068 41 41 (Mon
to Fri 10am - 5pm and 7pm - 10pn & Weekends 2pm - 5pm). PAPYRUS
aims to prevent young people taking their own lives. A
professionally staffed helpline provides support, practical advice
and information both to young people worried about themselves, and
to anyone concerned that a young person may harm themselves.
PAPYRUS has a range of helpful resources including HOPELineUK
contact cards or call 01925 572444 or Fax 01925 240502 for a sample
pack.

A 24/7 helpline service which gives you a safe space where you
can talk about what is happening, how you are feeling, and how to
find your own way forward. Samaritans volunteers are ordinary
people from all walks of life who understand that there are
sometimes things that you just cannot talk about to the people
around you. They know that very often, with some time and space,
people are able to find their own solution within themselves.

A forum and resources for those who self-harm and their
families, and for professionals who support them. Tips on what to
do or say and what not to do or say if you are supporting someone
who self-harms. Advice on the use of distractions if a person is
trying not to self-harm.

If you are worried about anything, it could be something big or
something small, don't bottle it up. It can really help to talk to
someone. If there is something on your mind, Childline is here for
you.

Offers help via the website and a helpline for men aged 15-35
who are feeling depressed or down. Callers are offered support and
information. Calls are free, confidential and anonymous. The
helpline is open from 5pm - midnight, Sat, Sun, Mon and Tues, every
week of the year. London callers may also call 0800 585858 or text
07537 404717, begin the first text CALM1.

Information, support and understanding for people who suffer
with depression, and for relatives who want to help. Self-help
groups, information, and raising awareness for depression. Email:
information@depressionalliance.org.

Provides information in a range of topics including types of
mental distress, where to get help and advocacy. They are able to
provide details of help and support for people in their own area.
Email: info@mind.org.uk

Emotional support and specialist information to anyone affected
by mental illness, including families, friends and carers. SANE
offers 1:1 support via helpline and email services and peer support
via an online Support Forum where people share their feelings and
experiences of mental illness, as well as exchanging information
about treatment and support options.

Luke, 16, talks about psychosis

"I was about 14 when it happened. I had a good family, did well
at school and had group of good friends. Life had been good to me
although my mum said I could not handle stress. I would be a bag of
nerves before exams, was scared of failing and could not face is
someone was unwell.

Uncle Rob’s death a year back in the accident
was just too much. I knew I would feel upset for a long time. But
then I didn’t feel upset. It was strange. I thought people were
doing strange things to me like controlling me through radio
signals. I felt I had lost control of myself and even felt my body
was changing in a strange sort of way… not just the puberty. And
then I could not face school, I was swearing, felt muddled in my
head. My learning mentor got worried and spoke to my mum, who had
noticed my strange behaviour. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t be
bothered about going out. I didn’t like the idea of seeing a
psychiatrist from the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service
and I thought they would judge me. But it was very different. She
seemed to know and understand how I felt, what I thought. I felt
relieved. She even said I was not going to be locked away in a
hospital. It was just an illness for which I needed to take
medication for few months or year.

She then introduced me to Kay, a worker from
Early Intervention Psychosis team. Kay explained to me and my
family all about psychosis, what we could to keep me well. She was
there when I felt I was losing it before my exams. It’s nearly a
year now. I am like any other 16 year old, going to school, with
friends etc... I take my meds and staying away from drugs and
alcohol."

References

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Psychiatrists is properly credited and no profit gained from its
use. Permission to reproduce it in any other way must be obtained
from the Head of
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For a catalogue of public education materials or copies of our
leaflets contact: Leaflets
Department, The Royal College of Psychiatrists, 17 Belgrave
Square, London SW1X 8PG, Telephone: 020 7235 2351 x 6259.

Charity registration number (England and Wales) 228636 and in
Scotland SC038369.

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Please note that we are unable to offer advice on individual cases. Please see our
FAQ for
advice on getting help.

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