"Why Visiting a Love Psychic Completely Changed My Outlook on Dating"

"If you could find out when you were going to die, would you want to know?" is a question sometimes asked to spark philosophical discussions. I always say I would, since that knowledge would inspire me to live the years before that date to the fullest and quell worries that I might die sooner.

Well, a psychic recently told me when I'd meet my soulmate, and strangely, it had a similar effect. I now feel zero pressure to make anything work within the three-year time frame she gave me.

Let me back that up for a second. The psychic I spoke with was Deborah Graham, star of TLC's and Discovery's The Psychic Matchmaker. She's been having premonitions since she was six and advising clients on their love lives for over 20 years. Over the phone, she explained to me that she can read people's energy in order to determine what their strengths and challenges are in relationships, what their future love lives look like, and even whether two people are compatible.

I was a bit skeptical about speaking with a psychic, but any skepticism I had going in eroded throughout the session, as she described my personality and relationship history to a T.

"You are so well organized. You're great at your work," she told me, "but when it comes to love, you're going to suck because that's when you've got blinders on." She also picked up on the fact that I'd never had a truly healthy relationship. "You have a loser magnet on your forehead, so the guys that are not healthy find you." Yup, this woman tells it like it is. And she was completely spot-on.

But then came the most interesting part. I would meet someone who would "overachieve every expectation"...in three years.

At first, I was crushed. I'd been single for the past two-and-a-half years already and was hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon. Now I had to wait three more years?

What she said next, though, made me realize this wasn't disappointing news at all. She explained that over the next three years, I'd date "fillers"—people who come into your life before you meet the one you'll ultimately end up with in order to teach you about yourself and prepare you for that final relationship. I should enjoy exploring these relationships now, she said, because after three years, I will never explore another relationship again. In short, all I have to do for the next three years is have fun.

I really liked the prospect of having three years just to screw around, and that surprised me. I normally take dating really seriously. I vet people based on strict criteria, like whether or not they want kids and where they see themselves living. I take things slow physically because I want them to last, and I turn down casual hookups to make room for something longer-lasting. I didn't realize how exhausting that has been until I was faced with the notion that I might not have to stress about it.

I suppose I'd been on such a frantic search for a soul mate because I didn't realize I had time to find one. But now that I've been told I can take my time, I'm excited to let loose a bit, to have more casual relationships, and to date anybody I want, whether they share my long-term goals or not. I'm also thankful for the chance to continue prioritizing my career over romance, which Graham mentioned many women don't do enough.

It might seem naive to base these decisions on a psychic, but they can be justified from a logical perspective as well. I don't need a psychic to tell me that I'll probably meet someone who is compatible with me long-term one day, and that when this day arrives is largely out of my control. I also don't need permission to have fun in the meantime. In fact, a friend of mine has a similar attitude based purely on a calculation: In order to have kids while she's still of childbearing age, she needs to meet a life partner within five years, so she has decided to spend five years just having fun.

Whether or not fate has allotted me three years, I've decided to allot them to myself. For at least three years, I'm going to focus on what will make me happy now, not who I could see myself marrying one day. I'm going to enjoy traveling and having adventures, and meeting many different people, all while continuing to put my career before anybody. And if I end up meeting my future husband in the process, it'll probably be when I'm not even looking—because I'll be busy having a blast.