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How to Write a Sex Scene Between a Unicorn and a Rainbow

The first thing you need to know is this: I wrote “The Unicorn and the Rainbow” on a dare. Which, given that this is the one story in my new erotica collection that everyone remembers and everyone talks about, is a weird beginning. But it’s a true story.

Here’s the story. I’m a regular reader at Perverts Put Out, a reading series of sex writers in the San Francisco Bay Area. A couple of years ago, I read a smutty fiction piece, which I prefaced with a warning to the audience. “This is kind of a disturbing story,” I said. “This story has elements of non-consent, borderline consent, some other stuff that some people may find disturbing.” And then I added, “But when do I ever come to Perverts Put Out with a smutty fiction piece and not say that? When do I ever come to Perverts Put Out with a fiction piece and say, ‘This is a really sweet story; this is a nice, gentle, happy story about unicorns fucking rainbows’?”

And at the break, about a dozen people came up to me and said that they dearly wanted me to write the story of the unicorn and the rainbow.

Challenge accepted!

I knew the story had to be disturbing. Dark. Noir, even. Oooo… noir. That could work. The first paragraph tumbled into my head:

Frank the unicorn walked into the bar. Midnight, pissing rain, and the grime on the neon-garish windows streaked down the glass like a whore’s mascara. The unicorn staggered across the floor and slammed his hoof on the bar. “Jack. Double shot.”

But after that, I was stumped for a bit. How do you write a sex scene between a mythical entity and an entity with no physical substance?

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