Mad Monday

Commercial networks must start thinking outside the idiot box after the third high profile case in a month in which televised sport was interrupted -- by television.

First came the furore in Brisbane when the restart of a Broncos-Cowboys NRL match was held up for around a minute after a try while an ad break was being played out on Channel 9.

Then came Ten's swoop for the rights to the US Master's golf, which also brought them the rights to pull the plug on their coverage at 9am with golfers still on the course in order to switch to children's programming.

And yesterday Channel 7 showed it, too, was not above such nifty manouevres with its sport. In possibly the most audacious bit of rescheduling yet, a V8 Supercar race in New Zealand, televised on Seven, was slashed from 43 laps to 36 to let the network start its AFL broadcast at 3.45pm.

Unlike all those sports in which everything runs to clockwork and finishes precisely on time, such as Family Feud, the V8 program seemingly caught organisers and broadcasters unaware when it became elongated owing to two crashes in the final leg, which apparently were unscheduled. Rather than allow the last race to run its course, a course most drivers were expecting, it was decided instead to simply do away with the last seven laps.

The move was in line with a long-standing agreement between race organisers and Channel 7, and it was immediately made clear that the drivers were notified of the change well in advance -- while the pace car was still holding the field after the second crash, to be precise. When the pace car let the field go, drivers had only one lap left.

The decision has sparked fears of more trouble in future if the big three networks continue to play with their sport like a cat with a dying mouse. It seems it is one thing to own the rights to a sport, and quite another to show the sport.

What if a protest hearing early on Melbourne Cup day bumps all races back half an hour? Will we see the Cup slashed from 3200m to 2400m to ensure Fat Cat And Friends starts on time? And how many times has coverage of the cricket been cut off before the end in order to cross to the news?

If networks find they are over-committed, they should be forced to show both events. There was surely enough room in the infield at the Pukekohe Park Raceway yesterday to accomodate Seven's AFL match between Melbourne and Fremantle, and certainly more than enough to accomodate the paltry crowd that actually attended the match. Both events could easily have been broadcast at once with a wide enough lens.

Perhaps car race crashes could be scheduled, say on the 10th and 20th laps, to give both broadcasters and most viewers the certainty they crave?

And why not give Channel Nine a newsdesk at the cricket, so viewers can see the last few overs going on behind Mark Ferguson's back while he brings us the latest from Iraq?

Doubtless these suggestions will fall on deaf ears in TV land, likely being dismissed as too inspired, too progressive and too forward thinking. But surely they are no more flippant -- okay, only a little bit more flippant -- than the way networks are treating their sports fans these days.

******************VOTE WITH YOUR FINGERS

What's your all time worst TV-as-an-autocratic-dictator-in-sport moment? One of the aforementioned three? The ill-fated attempt by Nine to show both Wimbledon and the Ashes? Or perhaps it was when Nine was late back from an ad break and missed Jeff Thomson's dismissal to end the fourth Test against England in Melbourne in 1982-83? Perhaps Nine could package them all up the next time it defrosts Bert Newton and slaps together one of its Twenty to One programs? In the meantime, you can register your thoughts by emailing us.

******************WHILE YOU WERE HIBERNATING

Tennis might not be played in the winter in Britain, but that doesn't mean one of the most august of all sporting bodies sits idle for 11 months. Here, funds are raised for a new retractable roof over centre court, and a valuable social service is provided, at the All England Lawn Tennis, Croquet and Cockfighting Club, Wimbledon, SW19.

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THE GAME THEY PLAY TO GET TO HEAVEN

Religious zealot and golfer Zach Johnson is set to silence cynics with further proof that God was on his side during his US Master's victory -- after the face of Jesus was said to have appeared to him at a post -tournament celebration.

Johnson said after winning his first major that despite proving he could beat the best golfers in the world, claiming $US1.3 million in prizemoney and boosting his endorsement value tenfold, his responsibility in the Master's was "to glorify God", and that he felt the almighty was with him during his Easter Sunday surge to victory.

"I certainly felt another power that was walking with me and guiding me," Johnson said. "I felt like I've been blessed and I'm good enough to take home a green jacket."

Just how owning a green jacket counts as a blessing remains unresolved. So does the question of why God is apparently so choosy when it comes to golf tournaments. Australia's resident born-again Christian Aaron Baddeley, for example, fell apart on the Sunday to shoot an 80 and finish equal 52nd despite being unable to open his mouth recently without words of praise for his creator spewing forth.

But those close to Johnson say they now have proof he was not alone during his 72 holes at Augusta, after the face of Jesus appeared at a barbeque Johnson attended three days after the tournament -- on a piece of chorizo sausage!

While the image was not found on Johnson's plate but on that of a fellow diner, friends of Johnson immediately interpreted the eerie likeness as another sign God was with him and helping him, especially with his short game.

The Lord's face on the piece of sausage in question. "If that's not Jesus," said one man of God at the gathering, "I'll dead set turn it up."

The emergence of Johnson continues a long line of devoutly religious, usually American, golfers who have swapped tambourines for golf clubs long enough to win a tournament or two.

Experts have pointed to the long periods of contemplation between shots as one of the reasons the game seems heavily populated with the deeply holy, though others believe it is purely because of man's innate fear of standing in the open during thunderstorms while holding a piece of metal.

Meanwhile officials are investigating after several unnamed players lodged a protest against the winner of last week's Heritage Golf Classic in the US, Boo Weekley, claiming he was not a properly registered golfer but in fact a trashy magazine.

Golf's latest space cadet Mikhail Tyurin, of Russia, smiles after chipping in for birdie to win the Kazakhstan Open yesterday.
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GONE TO BLAZES

Australia's National Basketball League is reportedly still going, and has in fact inducted another team, complete with yet another daft team name. We hereby welcome the Gold Coast Blaze! The Blaze, added as the ailing League's 13th or maybe 14th team, came up with their name after a supporters' poll. Having settled on a flame-related monniker to possibly reflect the Gold Coast's preoccupation with fire or something, the NBL newcomers rejected other suggestions such as the Gold Coast Heat, the Gold Coast Inferno, the Gold Coast Conflagration, and the Gold Coast Embers. The new team has even signed veteran coach Brendan Joyce owing to his fiery temperament, and the not insignificant matter that it put him out of a job with the Illawarra Hawks for a little too much 'colourful' language courtside. After the recent launch of the new team's name and colours, Joyce said he was delighted to be moving into a new era with a new club. "It's #%*&@ great to see the $%#@*& pieces of the #!@*&% puzzle coming together to form the big %*@$^# picture," Joyce said in a statement.

******************THE HORSES ARE ON THE TRACK

First came Ultimate Fighting, the semi-official sort of a martial-arts-meets-4am-footpath brand of combat in which anything goes and "kitchen sink" is a recognised manouevre. Now comes Real Racing, a new brand of racing on horse tracks in which the winner is the first across the line -- by any means possible. Our cameras were there at the recent Grand National in the U.S.

Jockey Ernest Gipple shows a clean pair of heels to his equine rivals after clearing the 15th of 20 jumps, before a sharp left turn which brought some rivals undone. "I had to give myself a couple of hits with the stick at this point to keep my mind on the job," he said later. Gipple plugged away to finish second to eventual winner, Mur Der, a horse cleverly named by reversing the letters of former Grand National winner Red Rum, and which was ridden by the wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin.

The Mongolian contingent was not disgraced, seen here rattling home to finish fourth and fifth.
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AFL MOVES AFTER PRECEDENT SET

The AFL is set to introduce a raft of rule changes after one of the most dramatic weeks in the game's history following the West Coast-Fremantle derby. The moves have been flagged after the precedent-setting decision by the League's tribunal to allow Docker Des Headland to escape punishment for striking Eagle Adam Selwood over something the tribunal decided Headland only thought he heard. Stony-faced, black-suited insiders at the League say it has now had to re-draft several laws of the game to account for grey areas concerning players' motivations for certain actions, including what players thought they heard or didn't hear.

Under the rule changes:

* players can claim a mark as long as they honestly thought they heard a whistle. They can also claim a 50 metre penalty if they honestly thought they heard a second whistle.

* players making late tackles will be cleared of any wrongdoing if they claim they did not hear any whistle, or can prove that their opponent was, beyond reasonable doubt, about to play on;

* players will not be penalised for kicking out on the full if they feel they were provoked by the presence of a rapidly approaching opponent;

* behinds will be worth three points if those kicking them can build a case to prove they were really trying to kick a goal.

Meanwhile the AFL has been praised for finally deciding to raise concerns about the conduct of the West Coast Eagles, who have taken the art of unedifying behaviour to new heights since winning last year's premiership. While its tribunal took the word of Selwood when he said he did not know that that tattoo on Headland's shoulder was his six-year-old daughter, the League cried 'enough' after a series of Weagle-related incidents including, but not limited to, recreational drugs crises, run-ins with the law, run-aways from the law, and Michael Braun's need to utter an expletive-laced victory cry after his team's defeat of Fremantle in their derby. The AFL is also being pressured, by this column in fact, to bring to account anyone in the west who, despite well established education and mediation programs, insists on calling a derby a 'durby'.

******************VIDEO REF
They're noone you've heard of, but this week we refer you to this timely homage to the battler, a moving paean, if you will, to the participator -- the ones who might not even keep score. You know who you are.

* Of course noone was hurt during the making of this video. They never are.

******************LEAGUE WORLD SPUNS! ON ITS OWN EXUSS!

Rugby league observers are still gasping over one of most audacious tactical manouvres in trans-Tasman history was played out before the ANZAC Test in Brisbane last Friday. Match organisers were stunned when Kiwi coach Brian McClennan ignored an official pre-Test press conference, claiming he was unable to attend because his team had not yet completed their training -- for the haka. The move was called "a game of cat and mouse" by one analyst, "ducks and drakes" by another, and "dungeons and dragons" by another, possibly confused, pundit.

In any event, the decision barely caused a ripple. New Zealand coaches have battled for credibility since John Bracewell took over their cricket team, with their comments to the press traditionally ranging from "baffling" to "chippy", and McClennan's absence was counted as no great loss. The move which really set tongues wagging came later, when Australian coach Ricky Stuart reacted to the no-show by accusing the New Zealanders of arrogance. Stuart may have his detractors, but this has been hailed as a tactical masterstroke in the lead-up to the Kiwis' 30-6 thrashing.

Seasoned observers said for an Australian to accuse a New Zealander of arrogance -- after years of such accusations going from east to west across the Tasman ad nauseum -- upset the natural order of things so greatly that the Kiwis' preparations were left in tatters. McClennan later attempted to restore a more familiar atmosphere by describing Australia's decision to apply the NRL judicial code to the match, rather than international standards, as "arrogant". But by then, many believed, Stuart's damage had been done. Accused of what is apparently the most serious crime possible in New Zealand, the stunned Kiwis remained clearly disoriented throughout their heavy loss. It was, however, preceded by a perfectly executed haka.

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FROM OUR WORLD DESK

A contestant in the Red Bull Air Race in Rio de Janeiro goes through his paces in one of the obscure event's compulsory sections, Impersonating the Jesus Statue. Controversy surrounded the event after one training session was closed to the media.

BREAKING NEWS:...Philippoussis joins masters circuit; rated underdog for first match against Fred Stolle ... Stirling Mortlock slammed for ignoring years of tradition and history by asking ARU to stop signing rugby league players ... dropped footballer "under the moon"...

* Disclaimer: This column is supposed to be humorous and should not be taken seriously by anyone. Any allegations or opinions contained within are wildly inaccurate, ill-based and probably stolen from other people anyway.

Posted
by SMH OnlineApril 23, 2007 12:00 AM

LATEST COMMENTS

Light-hearted or not, you raise a big point about the major networks' handling of their sporting broadcast obligations. I'm afraid it has forced me into the uncomfortable position of being right behind Foxtel getting hold of as much stuff as it can get its hands on. My gripe is Formula 1. Other than when they deign to show the local one, Channel 10 can't bring itself to show races live, and even the delayed telecast usually gets further (& further) delayed when the idiots of Big Brother or Australian Idol or whatever they show earlier on in the night can't shut up & stick to their schedule. Give it to Fox! Or at the very least, do what the Moto GP mob seems to be able to do: show it live on Fox & delayed on free-to-air. The monthly subscription cost is worth the extra hours sleep I'll get every time.

Posted by: Gipped on April 23, 2007 9:58 AM

Id the stations buy a sport event, they should be forced to show it all! Major sports in this country (cricket and the 3 footballs) should all be shown free to air (atleast the majority of them). Channel 9 buying the cricket and not showing the group stage matches is pathetic, they could have showed some of the non-Australian matches instead of infomercials aswell. Also the state pura cup cricket final had to be moved to monday to friday this year so fox could show it and it not clash with their football. This meant that the TCB missed out on revenue that would have come from greater Saturday and Sunday crowds. This hurts the TCB (the smallest cricket board in the country) who needs the money. Television stations have a responsibility to show these events when they but them. I think if they buy and event and then don't show it (or part of it) the part the don't show should be given to the ABC, SBS or any other station who wants it and is willing to show it free of charge. Maybe then they would stop depriving us of our sport buy only playing it when it is convenient to them.

Posted by: Tom on April 23, 2007 10:03 AM

Another example is the fact that Channel 7 now has the rights to the 2007 Champcar series, yet refuses to show it! They are only going to show the Surfers Paradise round because of the shared venue with the V8Supercars. It would be pretty hard to ignore the open wheelers since they are the main attraction, the event is called the "Indy300" not the "V8300". Why claim the rights to a series and then alienate all of its loyal fans by pretending it doesn't exist and further ignoring their calls to televise it? All we want is the opportunity to view a series in which Will Power, an Australian driver who is racing for Team Australia is leading the championship! Champcar has in the past usually been shown 2 am on Monday night on Channel 10. Inconvenient, but at least it was possible to see it. However, it appears that Channel 7 believes we're all going to get hooked on old episodes of "Passions" and ads for "Chef Tony's Miracle Blade III." The ad has been on for three years and I still haven't got one, fools!

Posted by: Chris Mc on April 23, 2007 1:00 PM

I'd have to agree with Gipped. Australia is the first country that I've lived in (or known) where the Formula 1 isn't screened live in some form. I'm amazed that the owners of the event allow the coverage to be a delayed. What's even more annouying is the fact that the broadcaster feigns that it's live by the way they conduct their coverage. Please please please run it on cable.

Posted by: nicholas on April 23, 2007 1:12 PM

Yet another example of how anti-siphoning legislation is ripping off the sports fan in Australia.

Let Foxtel have free reign over purchasing rights and you won't be putting up with this.

That Ch9 isn't even putting together a highlights package of the World Cup at a viewer-friendly time is terrible. Almost as terrible as Simon O'Donnel and Mark Taylor as hosts. But that's a blog for another day Trev, "Worst sporting commentators."

A memo was posted on the noticeboard in my unit block the other day informing all residents that Foxtel was now available.

Thank god.

After doing my best not to spew while the FTA networks ran their "keep sport on our networks" ads last year, I have now had enough.

Do the TV execs not realise that we, the sports mad public, take their continued disregard for our favourite events extremely personally.

I was filthy with them when they all turned their back on the 2005 Ashes.

I seethed when Ch 10 treated this year's US Masters like the Alice Springs C-Grade Foursomes Championship with poorly timed and excessive ads - not to mention two competitors' names spelt incorrectly on their leaderboard - and now, after having a V8 race shortened to facilitate the telecast of the second half of a footy match, I have reached breaking point.

If I have to start bringing my lunch to work, I will.

If I have to halve my beer fund each week, I will.

If it means cutting out a trip to the movies each weekend, then so be it.

I've had a gutful of the FTA networks' treatment of sports coverage.

I'm signing up to Foxtel tomorrow, then I'll lobby like hell to get the anti-siphoning list relaxed even further.

The current treatment of sport on FTA TV makes the rhetoric-filled drivel of Phelan, Sutcliffe and that turd from Ch 7 in those pathetic ads even more difficult to stomach.

If the sports coverage means so much to you, lads, then why don't you show us just how much you value it, instead of just telling us.

Posted by: Scott on April 23, 2007 2:19 PM

If these three examples weren't enough for the Government to step in and overhaul the "free-to-air" protected sports, then who knows what it will take. Here in Perth, C7 shows AFL Sunday games on 2 hour delay if neither of the local teams are playing. For no reason whatsoever. C9 and C10 tend to do it with other sports, but not with as much contempt. At least with Foxtel the games/races are live. The days of free to air networks showing sport are hopefully numbered, because the more they interfere, the less people will watch. Thankfully Foxtel will be able to rescue certain sports once they are discarded (soccer, basketball, Super 14).

Posted by: Whippy on April 23, 2007 2:40 PM

Isn't it another case of "who pays piper, calls tune" ? Big Suits who hand over Big Bucks to Big Sport expect Big Pay-offs, and us blokes 'n' sheilas in the outer, or the bleachers, or whatever other cheap seats we're lucky to get, don't amount to a hill of beans.

Spectators at AFL matches TV'd by 9 until this season used get eye-poppingly enraged about the umpires waiting for Eddie's little green light before re-starting play after goals - couldn't go ahead till 9's bloody ads ended, could they.

We've got few ways to combat this except the boycott - consciously avoid buying discretional stuff that interrupts your sport, and let the makers and marketeers know. Looks as if vox pop has worked at Melbourne's Docklands Stadium: the idiot management has re-instated passouts, which had been abolished on, of course, security grounds - after all, who knows how many Arab / Muslim jihadists were 99% ready with a bomb to go off there !! It seems people let the clubs based there and the AFL know what they thought of such stupidity, and how they intended to react to it.

Posted by: Leonard Colquhoun on April 23, 2007 3:11 PM

In another incident - in Sydney I missed the first few overs of Australia v Ireland at the Cricket World Cup, because Channel 9 were still broadcasting their REPLAY of Broncos v Titans. How they managed to over-run a REPLAY of a rugby league match I'll never know, but surely the place to start would be cutting off the idiot post-match crap from the commentators?

Free-to-air sports are a complete joke in this country. I've had Foxtel cut off for four weeks now and every day results in me grinding my teeth even more.

Posted by: Pfitzy on April 23, 2007 3:16 PM

Doesn't everyone have Foxtel anyway?
I've been resigned to sub-standard free to air sports coverage for years.

Posted by: Cronie on April 23, 2007 3:24 PM

So the V8 super cars have finally decided to employ the Duckworth-Lewis method for accident shortened races?

About time I say.

Posted by: Dave on April 23, 2007 4:59 PM

The US Masters was cut off at 09:00 due to the US Network only having the rights to show up till a certain time !!!

Posted by: Paul Mc on April 23, 2007 5:16 PM

Why can't they split it up on a digital channel? If they have to cross to the news at 6, couldn't they start the news on the main channel and then continue the sport on another channel? What is Channel 7 doing with its other 3 digital channels at the moment?

Posted by: brett on April 23, 2007 5:24 PM

Pay TV is no better than free to air TV.
As soon as they have the market share they will start ordering the sports around as much as the free to air guys are now. Although when that happens we will be paying for the privilege of getting shafted by the TV execs.

Posted by: Martin on April 23, 2007 6:22 PM

NRL, golf and V8 Supercars get interrupted by commercial TV stations. Why does my heart not bleed for them?
Try being a Superbike fan. The reigning World Champion is an Austraian. The previous World Champion was another Australian. The last race featured 3 Australians, all current or ex-World Champions on the front row. Australia hosts a round of the Superbike World Championship at Phillip Island. Guess what? It is only available on Pay-TV. Zilch on free-to-air.
Anti-siphoning should be renamed anti-free-to-air.
And it gets worse. If I decided to cave in and get Pay-TV for the one sport I want to watch, first I have to buy $37 worth of utter crap that I will never, ever watch, BEFORE I can purchase the $20 of channels that I actually want. How can this be? Imagine going to purchase a new Commodore, and being told "No problem sir, you'll just have to buy this $100,000 farm tractor first, then you can have your $40,000 Commodore". No way. Ever. But when it comes to sport on TV, Australians lose their brains and pay through the nose for mostly utter junk, and furthermore are actually paying to be advertised to. I never used to get it, but now I know - people are basically stupid. Just look at how they vote........

Posted by: StolenFrom on April 23, 2007 6:26 PM

yes there has been media interference for some time
But last Sunday's shortened v8 Supercar event was the last straw for me
The media once bought the rights to broadcast events now it appears they buy the rights to control them
I have enjoyed the Holden/Ford tussle for over 35 years from the great days of Torana and Falcon and even the lesser days of Group A with a mixture of world manufacturers..but it was still good racing
V8 Supercars started out well then the media sponsorship boys decided they needed more snout in the trough
Suddenly we find teams have to share technology..God forbid if any team can lead for two seasons because they are smart this must be stopped. This is now about what the media blokes think we need to see rather than what we want to see..the old ratings game
Next not enough prangs..let's try reverse grids..wow a few prangs while those at the back battle to the front..great television!!
Garth Tander may be now considering why he bothers when a TV network can shorten a race just to show a result because it suits their schedule..it's a bloody insult
V8 Supercar Racing now reminds me very much of Rollerball..it's about the game no indivual can be supreme
I will ignore the remaining rounds and have a look at Bathurst this year but sadly that will be it
Modern times and the media have put the last nail in the coffin
for touring and production car racing in Australia
Thanks for the memories...

Posted by: Chris on April 24, 2007 1:32 AM

StolenFrom, you have summed up the situation brilliantly!!!

Posted by: Mark on April 24, 2007 5:19 AM

I have trouble getting posted here - but I'll try again. I was very disappointed by the NZ V8 debacle. But today Wayne Cattach from V8Supercars said it was their call, not Ch 7. Anyway, it is a Term or Condition in the deal between V8S and Channel 7 that simply should not be there. Tony Cochrane has made some huge bloopers in the past* and this is another. He must fix it up. With the points score this year, some drivers may have earned some valuable points in those missing 7 laps eg Tander and Winterbottom, to name 2. * Don't start me on Tony's bloopers.

Posted by: Rex Reason on April 24, 2007 5:34 PM

V8 Supercars is a TV focussed commercial arrangement which allows teams to finance their rather expensive form of car racing, by entertaining the viewing public. without TV, it has absolutely no existence. that is why the jettisone all the faster non-V8 cars which kick ed their butts, right?

sure, you can have pure sport which does hold up the crucial plays for an ad-break and so on, as long as you like watching formula V, and the local under 15s, who aren't paid $250k per annum.

Posted by: alexander on April 30, 2007 3:02 AM

RE: the cricket: Even Fox is idiotic. For the semifinal vs South Africa, I waited excitedly all day for the highlights at 4pm, purposefully not allowing myself to see the result. DURING Fox's own highlights replay package they advertised the next game "see Aust vs Sri Lanka in the Final" - giving away the results themselves!! And do they (and NBN who broadcast the final live - which is all through the night!) REALLY think that we are all able to stay up throughout the whole night and watch the live broadcast for 8 hrs? Why not just re-play the whole thing during the next day? Fox has 3 sports channels - and for the final - showed just 3 1/2 hrs of a 8 or 9 hr game!! NBN (Ch 9)just showed it live and that was that - who can watch for 8 hrs thru the night or tape 8 hrs? Why not show a replay during the day? IDIOTS! I thought cricket was a national game? We have the best team in the world - but if it's not NRL it doesnt get shown.