First, I really apologize if I'm offending any smokers out there. I used to smoke, quit about 4 years ago and I know it's a serious PITA if you're trying to quit. So yes, I'm a little bit of a hypocrite here, but here'goes.

Like I mentioned, I used to smoke, for about 10 years. When I met my then-future-wife I smoked as well, though I never really liked it. I did it because when I was young I thought it was cool then addiction set it, but I always despised the taste, the smell, etc. Well, now I've been quited for 4+ years and I just cannot stand the smell anymore. It's one thing when you're a smoker because you can barely smell it, but it's so bad I can smell her from across the house, literally. It seems like some smokers reek more than others, I don't know why, but it just seems that way and when my beloved wife smokes she REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS (not to mention all the other effects it's having on her). One time I was showering and she decided to hop in after just having a smoke and I actually had to get out because it started churning my stomach.

Here's the thing-
She knows how I feel about it. I've mentioned it numerous times. Sometimes she'll lay by me on the couch and she'll catch me holding my nose, I've even told her that the smell is almost unbearable for me. The problem is that it seems like she has absolutely no desire to quit. She bought an electric cig, which seemed like a godsend, but she quickly discarded it and moved back to the real deal. She has even said she doesn't desire quitting, even for her own health. I dread riding in the car with her, I don't feel like being affectionate, ugh - I know, I'm bad for feeling this way.

What's a boy to do? She tried brushing her teeth more often and using mints and such, but it's short-lived because she smokes so much. Does anyone have any tips? Again, I'm so sorry if I'm offending anybody. I just don't know what to do - it was definitely much easier when I smoked because I couldn't smell it nearly as bad! (though that's not ever gonna happen again!).

I'd opt for the constant battle. What better way to stand your ground and fight for what you believe in. It may just turn her on. It is in her best interest. Play up that angle. Plus there's the make up aspect of it.
Actually a compromise is another option. She cannot smoke in the house or car while you're there. That means not being able to go outside too. Time to get tough with her.

This situation obviously can't continue. If smoking is more important than the relationship for her...that's something you need to find out sooner rather than later. Not worth putting off the inevitable confrontation for any longer, I would say. Raise the issue, be honest, and see what happens.

I'm on the other side where my wife recently quit and I continue to smoke. I definitely recognize how awful it can be especially in a marriage for one to smoke and the other not. Here are some things that I do and most I did before I quit:
1) never smoke in the house, it carries into everything and makes all your clothes smell et cetera.
2) I don't smoke in her car.
3) I brush my teeth and use mouth wash before any intimacy.
4) Washing my face is critical, now that I'm more conscientious with her not smoking I can tell how much it really just gets into your skin.

Other suggestions:
The type of cigarette matters to some degree, some brands have a worse smell.
Your affliction to the scent while not uncommon is very severe. Nausea at a 3rd hand level is a pretty extreme reaction and I would consider asking a doctor if you've developed an allergy or something.
It could also be a mentally induced reaction if it's a rather recent thing, might want to see if there are other stressers that come out as a problem with smoking. I tend to pick trivial spats with my wife when there's usually an underlying thing that is completely unrelated but the real issue.

If she is making efforts to be accommodating I think divorce is rather extreme. But keep in mind that as a smoker you're also attacking her identity when you hold your nose. Yes I know I stink, but if my wife did that I'd be hurt. At times I do feel left behind a bit because she was able to quit and I "cannot".

Best of luck working through it, it sounds terrible but I have a feeling I'll be going through something similar before I know it. Also, Congratulations on 4 years!

IDDrummer,
Divorce is a bit extreme. I do love her very much and I understand that it's very hard to quit, plus like I mentioned I smoked when we met, which would make that a little extra effed up.

aydee,
Sex is fine. She's very self conscious about it during intimate times and before it gets too hot and heavy she always washes her face, hands, brushes her teeth, etc. She does this on her own, thankfully. I've never had to ask her to de-stink for that.

larry,
Thankfully she doesn't smoke in the house.

Chay,
What's odd is it seems that some smokers reek more than others. I can definitely smell it on any smoker but it really tends to stick to her, plus she smokes quite a bit. It doesn't normally make me nauseous, but it has before and at best it's 'very foul'.

keep it simple,
Great tips! I like the idea of being able to spend as much on drumming as she does on smoking, but there's a catch to that (because I've actually brought this up). I take various MMA classes, and I go to a really high-end gym, which costs more than her smoking per/month and she has mentioned for this to be fair then I'd have to quit all of that. Plus I spend more on food then she does cuz I eat 5 meals a day and such. But nice angle!

Can't remember the details - indeed I may be completely mistaken - but I have a vague recollection of something similar and the husband (or wife or whichever one was affected by the smoke) tried hypnosis. Again, whether it worked or helped I don't know, but it might he worth looking into.

jokes aside, like you, I'm an ex smoker and can truly empathize on both sides of the fence.

I was insensitive smoker despite serious complaints from friends & family, largely because as a smoker you just cant smell the smoke! period. Why was everyone fussing? I didn't get it.

Having quit 10 years ago, I go ballistic with smokers around me, and now realize what an idiot I was, and how offensive the smell can be.

I also realize that it is very hard for a smoker to quit for 'someone else' or for any reason other than having had enough themselves. So if shes not quite there yet , it'll be rough going.

However, the good news is that there is doctor prescribed medication now that helps you ride the nicotine withdrawal cravings and fools your organoleptics into believing that there is enough nicotine in the system and 2 weeks later, hopefully you have a quitter.

But she's going to have to really want to do it. No amount of threats or blackmail will work IMO.

First, I really apologize if I'm offending any smokers out there. I used to smoke, quit about 4 years ago and I know it's a serious PITA if you're trying to quit. So yes, I'm a little bit of a hypocrite here, but here'goes.

Like I mentioned, I used to smoke, for about 10 years. When I met my then-future-wife I smoked as well, though I never really liked it. I did it because when I was young I thought it was cool then addiction set it, but I always despised the taste, the smell, etc. Well, now I've been quited for 4+ years and I just cannot stand the smell anymore. It's one thing when you're a smoker because you can barely smell it, but it's so bad I can smell her from across the house, literally. It seems like some smokers reek more than others, I don't know why, but it just seems that way and when my beloved wife smokes she REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKS (not to mention all the other effects it's having on her). One time I was showering and she decided to hop in after just having a smoke and I actually had to get out because it started churning my stomach.

Here's the thing-
She knows how I feel about it. I've mentioned it numerous times. Sometimes she'll lay by me on the couch and she'll catch me holding my nose, I've even told her that the smell is almost unbearable for me. The problem is that it seems like she has absolutely no desire to quit. She bought an electric cig, which seemed like a godsend, but she quickly discarded it and moved back to the real deal. She has even said she doesn't desire quitting, even for her own health. I dread riding in the car with her, I don't feel like being affectionate, ugh - I know, I'm bad for feeling this way.

What's a boy to do? She tried brushing her teeth more often and using mints and such, but it's short-lived because she smokes so much. Does anyone have any tips? Again, I'm so sorry if I'm offending anybody. I just don't know what to do - it was definitely much easier when I smoked because I couldn't smell it nearly as bad! (though that's not ever gonna happen again!).

Okay, off my soapbox now.

Get her one of those electric cigs the smoke isn't. as bad as a regular cig. you have the reform smoker syndrome for sure if you love her you'll accept it & if she loves you she'll quit or at least cut-down on the smoking. marriage is give & take even through sometimes it feel like your doing all the giving.

Drumming forum is free :) Besides, people vent on forums all the time, nothing new.

venting about how the guitarist solos in your tunes too much or how soundmen are jerks at gigs are total different arenas than domestic issues like possibly leaving your wife because you don't like her smoking anymore.

i'll give it to you straight man. you say you've smoked for ten years, but with your annoyance at your wife not being able to drop the habit like you did, makes me suspect you weren't a REAL smoker. if you were a real smoker, you'd realize that nothing can make a smoker stop except themself. all the nagging, all the replacements, all that stuff is useless...the only that makes a real smoker stop is the smoker's mindset, being able to realize they've been duped for all these years. smokers already know the habit sucks...waste of money...bad for the health...stinks etc. she already feels guilty by the rituals she goes through before you guys have sex. now you as her partner can be compassionate and support her positively, knowing how hard it is to reverse all this brainwashing society and cigarette companies have instilled into people about this habit. or you can try this negative reinforcement people are suggesting, the ultimatums, the replacement therapy and keep up the spiral, make things worse in the marriage and possibly divorce. this is why a marriage counselor would be more suitable for advice (if this is really the problem).
another thing is that when you got married, you knew she smoked. you knew this and accepted it. i think the saying goes, you made your bed, now lie in it.

don't take the bluntness personally, it's not. just saying that something as important as this, if this is really a problem, should be handled by professionals.

venting about how the guitarist solos in your tunes too much or how soundmen are jerks at gigs are total different arenas than domestic issues like possibly leaving your wife because you don't like her smoking anymore.

i'll give it to you straight man. you say you've smoked for ten years, but with your annoyance at your wife not being able to drop the habit like you did, makes me suspect you weren't a REAL smoker. if you were a real smoker, you'd realize that nothing can make a smoker stop except themself. all the nagging, all the replacements, all that stuff is useless...the only that makes a real smoker stop is the smoker's mindset, being able to realize they've been duped for all these years. smokers already know the habit sucks...waste of money...bad for the health...stinks etc. she already feels guilty by the rituals she goes through before you guys have sex. now you as her partner can be compassionate and support her positively, knowing how hard it is to reverse all this brainwashing society and cigarette companies have instilled into people about this habit. or you can try this negative reinforcement people are suggesting, the ultimatums, the replacement therapy and keep up the spiral, make things worse in the marriage and possibly divorce. this is why a marriage counselor would be more suitable for advice (if this is really the problem).
another thing is that when you got married, you knew she smoked. you knew this and accepted it. i think the saying goes, you made your bed, now lie in it.

don't take the bluntness personally, it's not. just saying that something as important as this, if this is really a problem, should be handled by professionals.

I've always absolutely HATED cigarette smoke, growing up in a house of chain smokers. I never even tried it because of how disgusting I've always found the habit. I won't even hang out in a bar that allows smoking anymore. Of course, I don't believe in telling others what to do, so I don't care who smokes or where they do it as long as it's not my property.

Marriage is a complicated case. It's simple in my opinion; what happened in the past can't be changed. It doesn't matter that you smoked when you met her - you don't anymore and you find it very distasteful now. If this were my situation, I would put it to her like this; smoking or me.

I would explain that she could have her filthy habit, which is as best, prematurely aging her and making her repulsive to be around or at worst, killing her from the inside. Or, she could have you and a longer, healthier life.

This isn't an overreaction since it's obviously wearing you down and could begin to seriously strain your relationship, if it hasn't already.

venting about how the guitarist solos in your tunes too much or how soundmen are jerks at gigs are total different arenas than domestic issues like possibly leaving your wife because you don't like her smoking anymore.

i'll give it to you straight man. you say you've smoked for ten years, but with your annoyance at your wife not being able to drop the habit like you did, makes me suspect you weren't a REAL smoker. if you were a real smoker, you'd realize that nothing can make a smoker stop except themself. all the nagging, all the replacements, all that stuff is useless...the only that makes a real smoker stop is the smoker's mindset, being able to realize they've been duped for all these years. smokers already know the habit sucks...waste of money...bad for the health...stinks etc. she already feels guilty by the rituals she goes through before you guys have sex. now you as her partner can be compassionate and support her positively, knowing how hard it is to reverse all this brainwashing society and cigarette companies have instilled into people about this habit. or you can try this negative reinforcement people are suggesting, the ultimatums, the replacement therapy and keep up the spiral, make things worse in the marriage and possibly divorce. this is why a marriage counselor would be more suitable for advice (if this is really the problem).
another thing is that when you got married, you knew she smoked. you knew this and accepted it. i think the saying goes, you made your bed, now lie in it.

don't take the bluntness personally, it's not. just saying that something as important as this, if this is really a problem, should be handled by professionals.

Please tell me where I said I was going to potentially leave my wife, I never said that, in fact I said I would NOT do that and leaving her would be really lame (try actually reading the posts maybe?)

I don't know what qualifies as a 'real' smoker, but I smoked for at least a decade and it took me at least 3 attempts to quit. Of course I understand it's difficult.

I can vent if I want to. I decided to throw my post up here because I'm comfortable with this community and I thought perhaps I'd find some decent advice, and I got some! And I thank those who have contributed to said advice.

Tobacco is so unfeminine. I wish they would try and wipe tobacco off the face of the earth instead of the other thing I can't mention. Look at the stress to this one relationship this insideous addictive substance is causing. Tobacco companies are as evil as they come. They do no good for anybody They poison the earth with their terrible (supposedly radioactive) pesticides and enslave their users while slowly poisioning them. In the meantime, anybody who does smoke stinks, ages prematurely, make everyones insurance go up, all while paying re-diculous prices. I can't stand it when people behave like sheep.
I should stop now, I need a smoke.

As a very recent ex smoker I found that one way of reducing the amount of grief to nonsmoker parters was to do a massive exhale after a cigarette - voiding your lungs totally. Then rinsing your mouth out with water or drink some juice.

The smell is still there but less pronounced. When you smoke a small amount is always stuck in the bottom of your lungs and that is a big part of the smell IMO

Agree with Abe, no amount of hassling can get a smoker to quit (and in my case it made me less inclined to quit) ... you have to be ready to quit within yourself.

You've got to be honest and let her know how smoking makes you feel. You have an uphill battle if you think you can make her change; she will not be able to quit until she is ready. Your nagging will only make things worse for both of you; indeed, your nagging could lead to a divorce. Instead, work on accepting her smoking (temporarily); you have control over your emotions and behaviors. Work on what is within your control.

Many women quit smoking when they become pregnant. My wife was a smoker for about 20 years before she quit when she became was pregnant. She has been a non-smoker ever since. If your horizon includes children, then the end of her smoking may be insight.

I myself am I smoker. I want to quit but the addiction sucks. Smoking helped ruin my last relationship that I had. We were together for a while and split up. During the breakup I started smoking. A few months later we got back together and she was so adamant about me quiting it wasn't funny. She would take my cigs and throw them out. She would yell and scream at me. The withdrawal was terrible for me. I would often sneak out for a "walk" and buy smokes and smoke on the way back home and hide them. Constantly washing my hands face and rinsing my mouth out. She would question me about it and I would deny it. She knew it all along but in the end it made her think if I'm lying about smoking what else am I hiding. I wasn't hiding anything but the thought was still in her mind. Which lead to tons of fights and us finally calling it quits for good.

I've never smoked cigarettes (Larry, I'm with you on that one) but my wife does, and I don't really care, she smoked when I met her. You should talk about it, but in the end it's give and take. If she wants to smoke, you won't be the one to stop her.

__________________
"A wise man is wise because he knows that he knows nothing."

I wish that if people did have to smoke, they would grow their own tobacco and not feed the evil tobacco corporations that kill and pollute. Yes I realize that is naieve, it's just that the big corporations are clearly your enemy, and I encourage people to find alternative places to spend their money. Don't feed the enemy!

You know how there are microbreweries? Is there a parallel in tobacco's case? Does Big Tobacco even allow this?

If we all stopped giving the big corporations our money, they would lose their stranglehold on the world. Find Alternatives!

I hadn't smoked for several years when my wife and I met and got married. She's never smoked. But somewhere along the way I fell off the wagon and started up again, then quit, and restarted, and on and on to this day (although now I don't smoke at home or anytime when we're together, which means every weekend is a withdrawal weekend).

The last round, my wife read something about higher success rates for smokers trying to quit when there's an incentive attached. Knowing my love of new gear and cymbals, she offered up a cash incentive and I started having fantasies of getting a 24" kick drum. All I had to do was quit for 6 months.

Well, I made it and got my new bass drum! Erm, except that I've sorta fallen off the wagon again... We talked about it and we decided that it was a carrot / stick approach that was missing the stick part. Now I get nothing new until I quit again.

You know how there are microbreweries? Is there a parallel in tobacco's case? Does Big Tobacco even allow this?

I suppose the closest thing would be buying loose tobacco and rolling your own. I used to own a cigarette machine a few years back and made my own out of pre-fashioned tubes and American Spirit loose tobacco.

My girlfriend hates smoking though, I finally made the effort to stop because of her and I have respiratory problems that are aggravated by smoking. Thankfully I'm young and stopped before it became a full on addiction.

As for the OP's issue I'm not a married man but it seems the best way to deal with these issues is good old fashioned communication. Talk it over with her. If this is a healthy, loving relationship then your needs need to be taken into account also. Either that or some crazy kidnapping and hypnotherapy scheme. Either one works.