You Saw It Here First: Bold Predictions for 2013

Only Morgan Freeman, Cicely Tyson and God know what the future holds because they created everything and know all, but it’s always fun to predict the unknown. We doubt some of these predictions will happen (this year), but if they do, remember where you saw them first.
Here are our bold predictions for 2013. Take a look.

Kanye IS the father -
In California, the husband is presumed to be the father of his pregnant wife’s child, which basically means Kris Humphries could force Kimmy to prove he’s NOT the father in court (or the greatest “Maury” episode ever). Pray for Kanye.

Pusha T (finally) cuts his cornrows -
Why Pusha still has cornrows in 2013 is one of life’s greatest unsolved mysteries but we believe he’ll (finally) lay them to rest in a private ceremony later this year.

Fantasia will read her first book without colorful pictures-
After years of battling illiteracy, Tasia Mae will finally start reading novels and adult books without pictures on her new LeapFrog tablet Kindle. We’re excited for her.

Preggo Wars: Beyonce Reloaded
Furious that no one cares about Blue Ivy anymore, Bey Bey will magically be pregnant this summer. You heard it here first.

Tear-stained touchscreens & Hip-Hop: Joe Budden and Kaylin will break up-
Joey and his adorable 12th grader seem so happy together but are destined to split this year. And when they do, he’ll delete his Twitter and disappear because he only exists online. We wish them the best.
Photo credit: Instagram

Boosie Unchained -
Boosie’s freedom from prison will be a proud moment in Black history. Prouder than when Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King, Jr. were finally freed from jail. Rejoice.

Magic Johnson will beat HIV -
After April, Magic won’t have HIV anymore, but will continue his bout with the english language during ESPN’s T-Mobile halftime reports.

iPhone 6 will have ebonics-friendly Siri -
Siri can be spiteful, vindictive and petty, at times. She’s like a Genie who argues with you about your wishes. If you’re ratchet or ebonics-fluent, she’ll never understand you, making this a culturally-necessary upgrade.

Chief Keef will be reunited with soap and warm water -
With 2012 filth still on his skin in 2013, Chief Keef is living the ultimate trife life that will soon change after these upcoming court appearances. More soap, less filth in 2013.

Trinidad Jame$, Rap god -
Last year, 2 Chainz was featured on 92.743% of songs in heavy radio and strip club rotation. Replace 2 Chainz with Trinidad Jame$ in 2013.