Hi MO, I just read your post, and it really hits close to home for me. My beautiful 22 year old niece was living with me when she died app 21/2 years ago from an accidental overdose. I know that it was accidental, because just that night I had helped her to set up an EBay account, we had watched some movies together, she was excited to be getting a new car after hers was destroyed in Hurricane Katrina, other reasons. She was a beautiful girl-pageant winner all her life, tall, gorgeous girl who could've been a model, anything she wanted to be-also extremely bright, motivated, popular, etc. I was aware that she was "casually" using drugs when she went out with her friends-no one in her family had any idea how much she was using or that she was using "hard" drugs. My husband went out of town and she acquired a large quantity of different drugs from some of her girlfriends. She went to bed that night and so did I-she often slept late, so I left her alone most of the next day-when I went to check on her, she was already dead, the paramedics could do nothing. It has been a shock not only to us but to all of the community where we live-she was well-known and well-liked. She was such a sweet girl, with a good heart, sensitive to people. She seemed so happy-go-lucky, taking things in her stride. Her father had died app a year before, then her grandfather, then grandmother, who helped to raise her. It's still unbelievable to all of us. We still don't really understand. She apparently got hold of oxycontin, cocaine, and methadone, and from being bored? we just don't know-kept taking a little more of each until she passed her tolerance point and died in her sleep. Even the paramedics and the police couldn't find all the drugs-we later found them when packing her things for her sisters. It has left a gap in the lives of so many that will never be filled, and was such a waste of a beautiful young girl with everything to live for. It makes no sense at all. I am torn between asking "why?", and being angry at her for being so careless with her life and her future. This girl could've made a difference to so many, and she threw it away-from boredom? We'll never know. We found notebooks full of the beautiful poetry that she wrote, but it gave us no clue.

Another nephew--the son of my husband's younger brother, who also died (the brother) shortly before the older brother, my niece's father, died, lived with us for a short while after all this. He also came to show that he problems with drugs. He is another bright and caring young person. The drugs, amongst other reasons, were one reason why I could no longer have him live with me. I have never had children of my own. I cannot take finding another child dead in my home. I just can't. His mother was very angry with me. This woman smoked pot with her children when they were growing up. They fight over money, drugs-a parent with her child!!!! They steal from each other. I couldn't take any more. She was very angry when I came to the point where I could no longer allow the theft, the disrespect(only when he was high, the rest of the time he's a hard-working and sweet young man), the looking at his face slack from being high, etc. The last, especially (the look on his face when he's high, the slurred speech, all that) began to make me ill. With my niece I didn't really have these clues, or didn't know to look for them, I don't know which. With all her sweet personality, she could be quite manipulative, and I know why-it never used to add up for me. With my nephew, it was blatantly obvious. If they could only see themselves as others see them when they're like that. If they could only see the difference in their actions, their entire personalities...

Sorry to ramble, and to hijack your thread--I still haven't come to terms with what happened to my niece and with finding her. I'll never have the answer to my question, my cry of "Why???!!!" until I see the Lord face to face. For now, it just seems a stupid unnceccesary accident from boredom. If I'd only known! I'd have done anything with her to keep her from turning to drugs. I still can't bear to think of her in that bedroom, nibbling at this, snorting that, until she had too much in her system. I only pray she didn't suffer. The coroner says that she didn't, I don't know if it's true or if he's being kind. I can't bear to dwell on it, since I can't change it.