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Sunday, March 19, 2006

World's Oldest Profession

Manola's going 360 today!

Move over mismatch.com and edisharmony.com. There's a new relationship paradigm in town, freely available on Craig's List. Affluent men are now soliciting a hybrid multi-tasking indentured servant -- women who are financially desperate and willing to play wife, maid and prostitute on call.

And no, it has nothing to do with BDSM or The Story of O.

from an earlier post:

WANTED: NUDE LATINA HOUSEKEEPER

I am looking for a Housecleaner who is Latina and willing to cook & clean my 2 bedroom and 2 1/2 bath townhouse while in the nude, along with companionship about 2 to 3 times per week, maybe more. Looking for someone that is disease/drug free and dosen't smoke and is very clean. If anyone is interested please feel free to contact me at the e-mail address provided.

This new trend in solicitation is not only disturbing, it speaks volumes on the state of the "union" in our city. It smacks of Stepford Wife Syndrome, without the benefits of a pre-nuptial agreement and insurance and retirement packages. It turns men into soul-mongering thieves and women into saddled beasts. Modern slavery, anyone? Barefoot and pregnant suddenly well-shod and abortion candidate?

Is nothing sacred? Perhaps Manola is old-fashioned, but whatever happened to love? Are these men so emotionally bankrupt, despite the size of their wads? They're the opposite of metrosexual: so unable to take care of themselves and others. What if your little mistress gets a cold, big shot? Are you going to schlep to the corner for some chicken soup?

And what of the woman who turned this new useless man into a cynic? Somewhere in his past he dated a woman who huffed and puffed about being a feminist who doesn't "do" dishes and so instead he became a dead-beat lover who doesn't want to face the real responsibilities of love and commitment. This pay-as-you go man opted to hire an immigrant without a green card who just happens to look like a fashion model and who just happens to be willing to spread her legs after she cleans the soap scum off his bathtub.

Talk about Sun Pass. Better easy, breezy drive-through fucking than having to stick hands into pocket looking for quarters. Love is a such a slow-down hassle!

Now, the rest of us: ladies, remember when you were in love? You didn't think twice about straightening the crooked frame on the wall, did you? You did it out of LOVE and he didn't even have to pay you for the gesture. Men, remember when you were in love? You didn't think twice about taking your lover to the ER, did you? Not only were you her lover, you were also a decent human being.

Even more frightening: these pathetic johns who pay for love are the men you might casually meet while standing in line at the coffee shop, walking the dog or shopping for produce. These are the men who give the rest of men a bad name. These are the men who think they have a constitutional right to leave the toilet seat up, expecting you to clean their shit after they fucked you up the ass.

Manola would rather slip on a banana peel while wearing her Manola Blahniks on Lincoln Road, than come within a foot of such repulsive monsters.

To be fair: No woman should ever clean her lover's house without wearing a cheap French maid outfit and clear heels as part of a mutually-consentual game. Who are you kidding? Things will get dirty before they get clean, honey!

1 comment:

recovered comments
said...

n said...Oh my God. Money speaks all languages, it seems. There are men with the gall and the cash to be able to make such fantasies real, and there are women who need the money enought o indulge them. What can we do?

I find this disturbing as hell.3:15 PM

miamigirl said...M. I do a little take on ridiculous ads too. Mine are mainly for the restaurant business. You would not believe the ad referrals that people send me for these "housekeepers". AMAZING. The sad thing is that I see them all the time so obviously people are responding to work for these sad, sad people. ICK!!8:29 AM

mujer maravilla said...Will the winner of this job also be expected to lasciviously rub the bottle of scrubbing bubbles between her tits?8:48 AM

hobeboobette said...It's Boobette, your mini, writing from hobe. I regularly procrastinate writing papers for my master's by reading your blog and laughing my boobs off. As per the Craig's List post: That's so South-of-5th. I can picture him banging his "maid", stepping out of his shiny new phallic high rise on South Pointe, and throwing back a manhattan at Smith & Wollensky.10:48 AM

pawlr said...I think its not so much that these women are "money-hungry" gold diggers, its that they are opportunity-hungry. Like 90% of the world's population, they want a chance at a better life, and they're willing to do what it takes to give themselves that chance. Also, and probably more likely, they have families that need support - a sick mother, nephews and neices to care for, all the demands families make on their children. In Latin culture especially, strong families are a basis for individual identity.

I just wanted to point this out - that these women are neither victims or agressors in the situation, yes they're "users" but in the better sense of the word - using an opportunity to help others and help themselves.4:43 AM

mujer maravilla said...I agree, pawlr, these women are not victims. The ads state pretty clearly what the guy wants. They're just stupid.6:42 AM

manola blablablanik said...Hmm ... Manola is pleased to see that what started as a farcical look at Miami's underground love reality, has spawned a discussion.

Pawlr does make a valid point; however, it is very unlikely that a well-educated, successful, "first-world" woman would accept to be someone's ho bag, maid and cook in exchange for sex and monetary renumeration, which by the way, is the status of many women who are married to assholes.

Do keep in mind, Manola wasn't so much concerned about the socio-economic issue of men who live in America employing hapless poverty-stricken immigrants, or even the issue of being married to an asshole. Rather, she was more concerned with the fact that some men are willing to pay for the "services" rendered in a "normal" relationship between the sexes, which involves sex and intimacy and complicity based on love, mutual respect and regard.

From a single woman's perspective in SoBe, this is profoundly fucked up. As well, while not unique to SoBe, it is particularly RIFE in SoBe. Take a look at our local Craigslist.

Mujer Maravilla: tienes razón ... you're also right ... the guy aint hiring a simple housekeeper. But chica, I've also heard that scrubbing bubbles is a great skin exfoliator. You know, great for shining the décolletage before a jerk of this ilk gives his ho bag maid a pearl necklace ... and it's not from Tiffany's!

PS ... welcome hobeboobette to SATB! I wish my writing were not the cause of your procrastination. But laugh all you want my lovely mini-me, just please keep those boobs on!7:16 AM

About the Author

Award-Winning Writer and Multimedia Storyteller, Founder of HeartCamp. Travel, Food, Social Media, Sex, Nature, Culture, Pirates, Humor, Yoga, Kitchen Sink. Whatever tickles my fancy and other parts. I tell like it is. Learn more at Linkedin.
All posts under the Manola Blablablanik series, this blog's original nom de plume, are semi-fictional.