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I'm just so sad

I've been even more depressed all day. Like off and on crying..I was okay..so I felt like having sex ..so then in the middle I started crying because all the people that were shot will never be able to hug or love anyone or anything ever again.. And at any given point I could be in that situation..at a show..at Town if I still worked there.. All of it affects me. It could be anyone I know. At any point . I'm just so sad

Like Adam Krump..my ex who I cheated on with Ross a million years ago who I rarely ever talk to..In between his crippling spinal issues and hospital visits..He called to see if I was alive.

It's so horrible to have to be like I'm alive and people I know are physically ok..but I'm not okay and most of the people I know aren't okay and I dont know if we ever will be