Well, Marty, at least the address pic has some sort of pattern and color to it. Sure as hell nothing else does! Oh, except for the 2-3″ wide band of mini-tile set into the larger ones lining the shower stall. They’re *different shades* of tan and beige and arranged in a checkerboard pattern!! Ooooh…. If you’re looking to blend in with your surroundings, this is the place for you.

On the upside, all this blandness will allow a new owner to do any and everything s/he wants without having to work around inappropriate choices in situ. On the downside, if the new owner doesn’t have much imagination this is going to make for a horrid little hovel. The space itself isn’t too bad (although the bedrooms are *small*), so it’s all up to the new occupants.

I’m most intrigued, though, by the price history of this place. It has 1180sqft and is currently listed at just under $95K… in a desert. Ouch. But get a load of this…

Welcome to Sunburnt Acres – Your Personal Corner of… that place where it’s really hot, but no fears! Look! Air conditioning!

Why not feature the amazing tree that appears to grace the barren hotbox of a backyard glimpsed through the porte-cochère, I asked myself? It would only have taken a slightly different angle on the shot of the cooler…

Ah boy, have we got trouble. Look at the cooler shot and follow the roof ridge all the way to the left. Now look at the middle picture – yes, that’s exactly what you think it is: a nest. Some flying creature whose eggs require extremely hot temperatures has selected #8621 as its nursery – and if it’s hot now, wait until baby lights off that tinder nest.

Definitely time to sell: first offer takes it, and trust me – nobody’s going to care what color it is inside.

@anodean: It’s possible that’s a tumbleweed stuck on the roof that nobody’s bothered to take down… or even notice, seeing as how it, too, is a shade of tan. Let’s hope that’s the case.

As for AC… Fears! Look! A power outage in July!! I try to live by the adage that if you don’t stand a reasonable chance of surviving without technological assistance, you probably ought to leave the area at the first viable opportunity, aka “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen” and/or “It’s time to get the hell out of Dodge.”

@Emerald63: It’s engaging how often we agree… just substitute the phrase “fire breathing dragon” in your second paragraph for “power outage in July” and we rest in complete accord: Sure, I could probably stop it with a few rounds of explosive armor piercing ordnance out of a good shoulder-mount – but I might also get $40k for the place and be long gone before it turns into a contentious insurance claim.

No matter which of us was selling it, our listing would read, “Do you feel lucky?” :D

@anodean: I’m not feeling exceedingly lucky at the moment, though not exceedingly unlucky either. Our van was broken into last night while we we having dinner in Wichita. On the upside, there was nothing of huge value inside, on the downside, some very useful if inexpensive items were taken and we have to have the window replaced. In this case, I’d say the punk probably feels luckier than I do. Nope, he didn’t get much, but he didn’t get caught either. Chances are he won’t – ever.

You think I could borrow that shoulder mount and ordinance for a while? I’m thinking of hunting him down on my own… since the police didn’t even want to send a unit out after Mark gave them a phone report, till I got back on the horn and informed them that Oh.Yes.You.ARE.Sending.A.Unit.Out!!! They actually agreed to that (mentioning going to the press can create delightfully positive results), but I’m still likely on my own protecting and avenging my beloved van from now on. BTW, I’d be glad to give you a deposit for said armaments as I know they’re not cheap.

Small property crimes destroy far more peace of mind than can possibly be measured in dollars – and while I hate to weigh in with the seemingly unsympathetic gendarmes, they do have little to offer you but the number of the duly filed police report. I’d have to refer you to eBay on the ordnance; iInstead, let me recommend the following Guided Visualization:

Inhale through your mouth for three beats. Hold for three beats. Exhale through your nose for three beats.

Picture in your mind the nest on top of this listed home. Picture yourself nailing a set of the perp’s fragrant undies to the egg in that nest with a very large spike, while wearing a full tyvek jumpsuit and gloves… which you will then burn. Now picture the momma dragon in hot pursuit of the owner of those undies.

@anodean: I’ll give it a try, though I may opt to borrow the Khaleesi’s dragons rather than just hope for the best. I’m reliably informed that hers are very well trained.

As for the problem cops, I’ve heard enough about enough departments in various places that, having had no experience with those in Wichita, I felt I could not necessarily believe them over the phone that they would even bother to open a case file. However, if someone did show up, then paperwork might have a better shot of being produced and filed. At least he took pictures, which was something we couldn’t do. Even if our cells hadn’t been stolen we didn’t have a camera function on either one.

The other reason for a small bit of hope is that there is a city owned security camera embedded in a light pole some 30′-40′ from where we were parked and aimed right at our van. Those were installed after a spate of similar crimes last year. I’m still trying to connect with someone in the right department to see if they have had the chance, or will bother, to look at any footage they might’ve gotten (if it was on).

I understand that no department has every last penny they want or need to do everything that ought to be done. But I was willing to wait until there was a unit free, like after more serious crimes had already been addressed. (My suspicions were right – Wichita on a Sunday night isn’t East L.A. There was a unit there within 10 minutes, so it’s not like they couldn’t spare one.) Part of what the cops are for is to provide peace of mind for law-abiding citizens. Actually catching the bad guys is awesome when it’s possible (successfully prosecuting them is entirely a different story), but it’s not the only function of police. That’s the entire premise behind “community policing.”