Thursday, September 23, 2004

Mr. Bush Sees A Film

“I thought you would like that part. We’ll come back to it. Did the movie teach you anything? What did you learn from it?”

“I learned that the good people always win if they are brave. And you should listen to your closest friends and ignore everybody else because they’re just trying to trick you.”

“And?”

[Long pause]

“There’s no place like home?”

“That’s always good to remember, but I was thinking of the very end of the movie, after she kills the Witch, where the Winkies (who are the soldiers of the Wicked Witch) all kneel down and say ‘Hail Dorothy! The Wicked Witch is dead!’”

“I liked that part too.”

“That is the way the evil minions of evil rulers like the Wicked Witch always behave once the good guys—“

“That’s us.”

“Yes, George—once the Good Guys show them who’s boss. They get down on their knees and beg to be on our side. So, has watching the movie made you brave enough to do what Donald and Paul and Richard and David and Elliot and I have told you you have to do?”

“I hate being bossed around.”

“I know, but you remember our agreement. Do I need to explain it again?”

“I want to talk about the movie some more. Does everything in the whole movie, like, have a double meaning?”

“Like what?”

“Like Glinda, the Good Witch.”

“She represents France. Fairies always represent France.”

“I thought she was maybe that U.N. guy whose name I always forget.”

“Kofe Annan.”

“Why do they always have such funny names, Dick?”

“It’s kind of hard to explain. But your insight about Glinda is a good one. (Sometimes you surprise me.) Especially when the self-righteous bitch tells Dorothy at the end that she had the power to do whatever she wanted to do all along—“

“—But she wouldn’t have believed her. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Internationalists never make any sense.”

“I think Rummy is the Tin Man.”

“No, Rummy is the Scarecrow. Wolfie is the Tin Man.”

“Colin is the Cowardly Lion.”

“Of course, Colin is the Cowardly Lion. And I am Dorothy.”

“I thought I was Dorothy.”

“No, George, you’re Toto. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this and you are Toto.”

“I thought you were the Wizard. ‘Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain!’”

[suppressed giggles]

“That’s not funny, George. No I think that the Wizard is probably France, not Glinda. It would be exactly like France to make us go get the broomstick of the Wicked Witch and then renege on the deal after we’ve done it. But we’re getting off topic.”

“Maybe the Munchkins are all of our allies in the Coalition, all cute and little and dancing around us and singing.”

“Very perceptive. But let’s get back to the reason I had you watch the movie. After watching the movie are you ready to lead the nation into war?”

“I don’t know. It’s all so confusing.”

“I know it is, but the rest of us have given it a lot of thought, and we really know what is best.”

“But what about the Iraqis? What if they hate me afterwards, and are just, like, super-angry?”

“That’s exactly what won’t happen. Remember the Winkies? They were the Witch’s loyal soldiers but they were all very pleased because Dorothy set them free. It will be exactly like that in Iraq and all over the world. You’ll be able to show everybody.”

“You mean you will. I’m Toto, remember?”

“If you agree to go along and sign the order, you can be Dorothy this once.”

“Gee, thanks. That’s O.K., you can go back to being the Wizard.”

[sound of pen on paper]

(This unattributed excerpt from a transcript is from a tape recording made in March inside the White House under provisions of the Patriot Act; it was released this past week under provisions of the Freedom of Information Act.)

1 Comments:

I should perhaps add that I wrote this piece as the invasion was unfolding. Was I prescient? I wish I hadn't been. I was relieved when our troops won through so quickly (too quickly, as the President claims now). I had a friend among the Marines there; he is still there. I worry about him every day. I especially worried on the day the President told our enemies in Iraq to "bring it on." The machismo of this man is of the armchair variety, the most dangerous kind.