Monday, January 08, 2007

Ezra's SUV Vandalized, He Blames CBC

They touch his stuff and Levant goes NUTTZZZOO! He gets a bumper sticker reading "I made a fortune in oil, but I spent it all on gas" slapped on his SUV, and the Finger of Blame waves mercilessly:

First, he blames Calgary, where it all happened, for being too damn Eastern:

It's no surprise it is being disseminated...in Calgary, an outpost of Eastern thinking. They want to re-educate us. They are morally better than us, they're smarter than us and they need to save us from ourselves. But they'll take our money.

But if they get uppity Edmonton will separate! Or at least The Wall will go up, and Calgarians will be FUCKED! Take that, Socialist hordes!

And then he blames the CBC, for sponsoring the sticker:

More troubling to me than the vandalism was that this sticker -- obviously designed to be used in this guerrilla tactic -- was proudly sponsored by the CBC. They had their logo right on it -- CBC 1010, the government agency's Calgary branch plant.

Bumper stickers don't vandalize people, Ezra, people vandalize people. I mean, blaming CBC for this is like blaming gun makers for the Montreal Massacre. And that would be Communism!

And then, my favorite bit, Ezra attempts to refute a bumper sticker:

...the sticker is economically wrong -- probably on purpose[...]

Canadians don't set the prices for oil -- in fact, by producing so much supply, Alberta lowers the world's prices.

But the price of gasoline is largely set in Canada -- in Ottawa, actually.

And he FAILS! The bumper sticker becomes Ezra's INTELLECTUAL MASTER, because its obvious that it isn't criticizing the price of Gas per se, but the fact that SUVs guzzle gas at any price! I mean, you'd never tag a Prius, would you, even if gas reached $1.00 per litre?

It blows my mind that people get paid to write this kind of stuff. Frankly, I could eat a bowl of beans and fart a better column.

Oh man, when the headline read vandalized, I was thinking windshield smashed, tires slashed, graffiti up and down the side of it... Bumper stickers are more like pranks, way less schadenfreude potential there.

Actually, Rat, since Calgary IS considered an outpost of Eastern thinking, I find the quote to be perfectly accurate. See my earlier posts on the Tory-on-Tory action in Alberta, which involves talk of splitting the province in two to keep the socialist hordes from Calgary at bay.

You can consider your ass to be a journalist, BCL, but you'd still be an idiot. You just edited a line to significantly change the meaning of the piece and the best you can do is say you think a previous post on some intra-provincial squabbling justifies your lies. Very Liberal of ya.

Rat, you can complain all day but I read BCLs post then Uncle Ezra's and the edit didn't even register-and I live in Calgary, which clearly is the outpost of Eastern thinking.

Really, Paul, it didn't even register? And having the blatant edit pointed out to you doesn't help you to register it? Hmm, sounds like you, too, have a problem. Maybe you should visit Dr. ti-guy 'cause he is the expert on "problems", if you know what I mean.

No...as in the difference was so insignificant that I didn't notice/care when I read the articles seperately. Apparently it was enough that you have to harrass everyone about it. And really, Rat, does it change the story that much anyways?

One thing that doesn't change is the fact that Levant is a hoser. Put your edits, apostrophes, commas etc wherever you want.