Fortunately analysis is not the only way to resolve inner conflicts. Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.

Month: April 2015

Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into. – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

I attended a conference little over a week ago I feel that a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can now see life a little differently.

I had the “victim of my circumstances” roll down to an art; in fact I was so good at thinking of myself as the boy who attempted to become a man and failed that I was stuck as that little boy and tricked myself into thinking everything was ok.

At the Awaken training and during this last week I opened myself up to the option of seeing who I can be if I let go of the story I tell myself. Abundance of life has always been available; I just didn’t feel worthy to tap into it because I thought I was damaged and broken.

Someone told me something that hit me right where I needed to be hit; they said “so what you are saying is that you feel that God failed at creating you”. Wow, I took away the power of having any abundance in my life and keep myself small, broken and damaged feeding my story that I am not good enough or worthy of the life I have. I can see how I devalued everything in my life to fit into my “life is crap” story.

Today I am here to tell you, I am worthy of everything I have in my life, my children, my wife, my job and my gifts. It doesn’t end there I am so much more and over the next year I intend to break out of my story and reach out to those I hold at arm’s length. I am excited about the changes I feel and see in my life, let the journey begin…

We flew to California with the intent to bring something back, well what we got was so much more than expected. There will be an opportunity to hold an Awaken training here in Michigan soon and I am very excited to be a part of seeing how others lives can be changed.

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I am a dreamer of so many things, what house we will buy when we are retired, what our daughters will do for a living when they get older, what their passions are, when will they will get married and where am I heading after today.

In my mid-twenties my dream started to change, they became scary confusing and vague. Into my late twenties I started to see a theme in my dreaming the theme was that these dreams were puzzle pieces. As I begin to process and put the pieces together I realized I was sexually abused for many years. During this time I struggle to balance my life internally as well as externally, I was married and had our oldest daughter and wife to look after and lead into life. So I begin to put the pieces together with my wife Sandy and I noticed some dreams that didn’t fit into the puzzle at the time.

I attended a life transforming process called the Awaken through an amazing, loving ministry called GAP Community and after almost 10 years the dreams fit quite well into my puzzle and one of the dreams was about a man.

Allow me tell the story as it flooded out this last week with 21 other people that began as strangers and ended up becoming my family.

Awaken the Lion.
This man was no ordinary man, he was strong, stood tall with boldness, he was loving and gentle and he was slowly putting on armor. I could see that this armor was heavy at the same time seemed to create a confidence and feelings of comfort. As I began to examine the armor I saw something on the chest-plate it was a symbol the symbol was a cross, and as I looked up from the cross I began to notice some of the characteristics of this man I saw a red beard, as I looked closer I said to myself “you resembled someone that I once knew”. I continue to look upon his face and I began to panic in disbelief, this warrior, this lion of a man, this warrior of Jesus and deliverer of wrath in front of me (as chills go down my spine). Could it be, this man standing before this scared little boy, I know this man this man shares my name, it is me. Heart of a lion wrath of a warrior and love of a father, it is my armor.

Ephesians 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and His mighty power put on the full armor of God so that you can take a stand against the Devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the dark powers of this world. Therefore put on the full armor of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground and after you have done everything to remain standing.

After the last 4 days of breakdowns and build ups I found my armor and sword again and with a freedom in my soul about who I am I intend to live my life with a transparent love and new vision for my future.