~ A Chronicle of My Fresh Start

PMS Madness

I have spent much of last evening reading through messages from the Writer to figure out when our relationship went so very wrong because he ignored me all day.

And writing about it, on this long epic post called “Are you breaking up with me?!,” which are words he said to me twice on Tuesday.

So, the Writer is working on a very intense thing.

And I knew he was working. I even emailed him at 630 am to say, hey, I know you’re going to be really busy and it’s cool and I will see you in like 8 days.

Yet I still allowed myself to be entirely bummed out and thinking about endings etc.

And, of course, as I am writing this epic post and bumming myself out and knowing it’s over, he texted at me: Sorry i have been outta touch all day. This is a long weekend. 🙂 8:28 PM

I told him I was trying to be quiet as I know how busy he is.

He is. It’s insane.

Even when I got his text, my initial thought was “I wonder how many other women just got the same message.” That’s the hormones talking.

Which is even more insane that his schedule at the moment.

He texted me again this morning at 8:04 am when he was waiting for the next thing to start. I told him I had forgotten I subscribed to some of his work, so when I opened up my pocket, I got to catch up on his stuff. He loves that I read him. It’s often funny to read things that we have already discussed in person.

This man knows me, adores me, and tolerates my VERY bad behavior at times. He’s excellent at managing through my bad moods and stressful life.

I mentioned to my girlfriend RA while we discussed this over dinner a couple of days ago that there is a big difference between dating someone who is in an open marriage and being the mistress of someone. A lot of it has to do with the fact that this is a real relationship. It exists in the world, not in fantasy. So when I am upset, or angry or stressed out, he knows and has to deal with it. I tell him how I am feeling and we have to deal with that too.

So, I made myself crazy because I didn’t hear from him, though I already knew I wouldn’t. And then made an effort to reach out briefly and to apologize.