Monday, 7 December 2009

Whilst picking over the carcass of Borders this weekend, I came across this little work of literature:

Well, given that there is only one person in that picture who could possibly be old enough to be a grandparent of the giraffe-legged girl, I assume one of the Things that the anorexic Paul Newman is advised to do now he is a grandparent is to waste no time in finding himself a pencil-hipped twenty-something brunette mistress to go roller-skating with, whilst Grandma stays at home and massages her cellulite.

It did occur to me that the woman might be supposed to be Paul's daughter and giraffe girl's mother, but evidently not: when I looked up the book to find a picture to post here, I find most editions have made this small but significant change to the colourisation:

In which, for the sake of appearances, Paul Newman has at least persuaded his mistress to wear an Honor Blackman wig. Though she's fooling no-one. The minx.

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comments:

It’s unlikely to be cellulite that grandma’s massaging back at the ski lodge; if grand(sugar)daddy can snare himself some hot 20-something brunette action, then grandma reasons she can justify her own retaliatory fling with a muscular chalet boy.

Significantly, none of the three generations depicted in the two covers realise that roller skates are utterly impractical in snow. And if there isn’t any snow, well, then they’re just skating on thin ice……(a fitting relationship metaphor).

At first I thought this was some subtle surrealism from the publisher.

Then I looked up the website of the illustrator and discovered her speciality: "Robyn Neild is a Fashion Illustrator of sophisticated, feminine, aspiration images: long-limbed beauties indulging their Machiavellian fantasies."

To coin and corrupt a football phrase "who's the mincer in the black" http://www.robynneild.com/book/book16.html.

I always wondered who could wear the really long trousers in so many ladies' clothing shops these days. Now I know. They are all for long legged lovelies drawn by Ms Neild. Shame they aren't real women! No one has legs up to their necks.... it only seems that way sometimes, usually after some alcohol has been imbibed.

And I wouldn't say no to a Paul Newman look alike sugar daddy. And good on Granny for finding some totty of her own! Can we find a picture of that too? this one looks a bit like Anne Bancorft as Mrs Robinson http://www.robynneild.com/book/book10.html

However, I do suggest skating on legs that long and thin is not a good idea. I fear injuries in all three family members and a trip to A&E is imminent, be it snowing or not! I don't think the Honour Blackman wig will be much protection.

Jessica’s and Riffle’s supplied link to Ms Neild’s glamorous doodlings is not so much a link, but a portal into a parallel universe where most things are equivalent to our own, except that women are routinely 14 feet tall. Presumably they’re all so thin as they can only eat leaves from the tips of tall trees.

As I work in a library, I’d certainly employ a Ms Neild creation – it’d slash the annual ladder budget for starters.

The blurb on the back of the book states that Bordeaux Housewives (http://www.robynneild.com/book/book01.html)often get cold feet in relationships - presumably that’s caused by the last 3 feet of their legs permanently sticking out of the bed each night.