Troops of The Burning Legion Threaten U.S. Capitol; New Evil-doers will be crushed, Bush says

Washington,DC.----Reports from the National Security Agency indicate large numbers of sinister characters may be mobilizing and the District of Columbia is a possible target. Facts are sketchy, but a large army, apparently part of the Burning Legion from the popular World of Warcraft online game, is gathering at a newly opened portal to the U.S. Congress.

It is unclear how a group of phosphorus computer-generated characters could damage the American republic, but speculation in the computer-science field is heating up. And press reports from the white house indicate the president is looking forward to a new challenge.

While severely limited in the physical world, the Burning Legion is known to be vastly intelligent, said Prof. Anna Geekkoff of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Department of Huberis.

"They wouldnt be massing their resources without a plan,"she said "It is likely that they will try to enter America through the new virtual Second Life U.S. Capitol that opened with the start of this new congress. They will try to overwhelm us."

Second Life, like the World of Warcraft, is an online social environment, that includes millions of American participants. At the start of the new U.S. Congress January 5, this community began a virtual U.S. Congress for use by the public and representatives. It has already proven popular with internet users.

George Miller (D-Ca) went on into the virtual capitol after Nancy Pelosi's inaugural speech as Speaker of the House. He appeared as an avatar with constituents. Many thousands of Americans went online ,in avatar form, to hear their representative speak along. Unlike WarCraft residents, Second World avatars are unarmed and generally peaceful.

Miller has even recommended the virtual government to his fellow congressman possibly not realizing the impending danger.

"It (Virtual Capitol Hill )allows the federal legislature to interact with million of Americans online," Miller said "And unlike in the real world, the virtual congress actually gets things done. You know we make laws, or seem to. And this new technology gives us a chance to see what hot young avatars might want an internship...the possibilities are endless."

The white house seemed to be more aware of the new military developments.

"We will take on this new group of evil-doers with the same efficiency, effectiveness, and ingenuity that was used to accomplish our mission in Iraq," a press release quotes the president as saying.

According to an intelligence source within the Blizzard Entertainment company from Irvine California, the Burning Legion should not be taken lightly. The company programmed the land of Azeroth, and has been fighting the legion for generations.

The legion may simply incinerate the white house with a Level 12 "Fire of Incompetence" spell upon arriving in the real world, the source speculated.

But the source also said that Azeroth would be likely to be open to overtures of cooperation between the Bush administration.

Will Dwarves, Elves, Paladins, Mages, and even Rogues be amenable to an alliance with America?.

Some in Azeroth remain doubtful.

"It seems likely that the American fascists would forbid human-monster marriages," said Asulikme, a Night Elf from the city of Stormwind "They are an ignorant and unsophisticated people. But they do have pretty good Chinese food in New York."

"Ach!" said Asulikme's husband, Oakengasm "American's gross. Use toilet paper. Not take mud baths. If Bush dissolve marriage I chop with axe!"

The future of the United States may well lie with our ability to put aside sectarian cultural, and religious differences too welcome these new and smelly allies to our land.

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