I feel so humbled that this is my gift!! It's so beautiful!! They way you incoporated the five senses into Sirius' feelings for Lily was magnificent!!

And just like claymor said I'm also glad you didn't do a "night before he wedding" tryst between the two.

They way you expounded on Sirius' feeling for Lily was more like true love instead of some flight of fancy he has for her.

Thank you for writing this for me!!

** save it in favorites**

Author's Response: *blushes*
Thanks so much, Marsha. I'm totally flattered/embarassed that you liked your gift that much! I came up with this idea and wrote it all within a single day, so I didn't really know what to think of it at the time. All this positive feedback for it might just start to go to my head. :P
Anyway, thank you again, dear -- I'm so pleased you like your pressie. :D

Reviewer: fg_weasley Date: 07/12/08 16:30 Chapter: The Five Senses

Wow. I don't think I've ever read a fic quite like this one. It's such an original idea and you pulled it off really well. I like the idea and the way you wrote it a lot.

Before I really get into it, I did see a few things:

But there was something about her that always arrested his gaze, captured his attention, made it nearly impossible for him to look away from.

From makes the sentence end kind of abruptly, and I think if you just added 'her' to it, it would sound better.

He was walking the length of Diagon Alley with James at his side, as they shopped for their upcoming seventh year at Hogwarts, and Lily Evans was standing in front of a shop window, only several meters ahead.

I'm not the best at commas, but I don't think that first one is needed.

She turned back to her desk, her hair whipping around with the motion, spraying in his direction a soft burst of her scent.

Spraying seems like an odd word to me. It makes me think of a liquid rather than her scent. I would use another word maybe like "sending a soft burst of her scent in his direction."

Okay, that's enough of that. Now on to other things.

You wrote the senses in perfect building order. It starts at a distance and gets gradually closer with each new sense and I think that's what I like best about this fic. it very well written, dear, and you should be proud. The descriptions felt very real and the emotions were portrayed flawlessly. The reader could really connect with Sirius, and even Lily a bit. Its brilliant.

But the exact name was not important, so long as it was still near. So long as he could still smell it. So long as he could still breathe her in.

I really like this. I think even more so because they are separate sentences. It gives them a lot more power.

It wasn’t just the pitches and tones of her voice that were riveting, it was also the way she said them: puncturing the consonants with a harsh snap if she was angry; quietly brushing the vowels over her tongue when thoughtful; stringing the syllables together in a mellow, curving river when awed.

I think its safe to say that this was my favorite bit of the whole fic. The words and descriptions are so beautiful. you took something so simple--the sound of a voice--and turned it into something almost extraordinary, and you did it wonderfully.

“Oooh, she’s mad at me now . . . I should have never – I didn’t mean to – have pity, good lady, have pity – I never meant to unleash the wrath of the red-head – ”

This line made me laugh. so very Sirius. :D

All in all, a very good job. Sirius/Lily is one of my favorite pairings, but its a hard one to pull off. I think you managed them well; you kept them pretty much in character and you made it believable. The kiss I'm a bit iffy about, but I knew it would be there--how else would you do taste, of course? I think I might have liked a bit more guilt to show on both their parts and perhaps a bit more awkward embarrassment. Overall, though, it played out fine. Like I said, I really liked this fic, and you, my dear, are a very talented writer. You should try your hand at these two more often; I'd love to read them.

xoxnikki :D

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much for leaving such a detailed review! :D I'll do my best to formulate a somewhat competant response.
First, all your suggestionsseem quite right. If I've ever not so lazy, I will have to go back and fix those little things.
And thanks so much for all of your many comments . . . I don't know if I'll ever write another Sirius/Lily, but I am somewhat proud of how this turned out. I wasn't sure about that kiss between them either, LOL, but ther e aren't really many other ways that you can, erm, 'taste' a person without pushing the rating to a Professors . . . XD *clears throat* Anywho. Thank you so much. I already said that twice. Ah, well. :P

I almost cried while I read the ending. I really like Sirius/Lily, and I wish that it could have happebed. Sirius is absolutely my favorite character ever, and I hate to see him so sad, but this was wonderuflly written. Great job! {BeccA}

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much. The pairing has grown on me a little since I wrote this story, I have to say. But of course, if Sirius/Lily had been canon, then there would have been no Harry Potter, and that would have been a true tragedy!! :P Anyway, thanks again for your review.

Aww, that was beautiful. In canon all we ever hear is that James was in love with Lily, it's so nice to see that Sirius was able to feel that way too. And such a good friend to keep his true feelings hidden so James could be happy. The kiss was a little naughty though, especially as Lily was getting married next day.

Author's Response: Haha, yes, on the one hand you could say the kiss was a little 'naughty', but how else would I have been able to work in the sense of 'taste'? XD Besides, I wanted to emphasize the fact that even after finally getting a piece of what he's wanted for so long -- after finally being able to kiss Lily -- Sirius still wants she and James to be happy together, even if he's not part of the picture. Anyway, thanks for the sweet review, glad you liked the fic.

Wonderfully written. Thank you for not going for the cliche "night before the wedding sex". This felt like love.

Author's Response: :) Thank you so much. I wanted to show how deep Sirius' feelings ran for Lily, but I couldn't really see her being unfaithful to James. This, I thought, was a careful balance between her still devotedly loving James, while also feeling something (not romantic, but still caring) for Sirius.