When I was little, we would have huge family/friends’ gatherings in our backyard. Truth is it wasn’t a ‘real’ backyard, but rather an extensive lot where a neighbor’s house used to be (this happened waaayyy before my time, like the 60’s. By the early 90’s it was just a huge field of grass). To add to these parties, Grand-daddy got a volleyball net and loads of sand (as a kid, I swore the beach was like 20 minutes away when I saw all that sand!) right next to the house. Then my Granny installed a patio and put like 5 picnic tables and chairs plus a BBQ barrell on it. Finally, Grand-daddy got a 10-foot pool for us kids. And the games began. On top of this, there was a corner store directly across the street; proves our house was the The Spot.

And we all know that no party is complete without music, right? So he would put the stereo speakers—the BIG ones—in two of the windows facing this lot. Voila. Backyard boogie-oogie-oogie. I can recall his selection of songs from Marvin Gaye and Betty Wright to Salt-n-Pepa and MC Hammer. Man, these were the days.

Now as a grown-up, when I hear these songs on the radio or where ever, I have vivid flashbacks of all these great family moments. Fast forward to a few days ago and I’m driving around in Burbank. Drake’s “Practicing” comes on, and my first memory was of the back-that-ass-up times I had dancing to Juvenile at middle school dances. My, how things haven’t changed.

Before I dive in and basically roast every song on Billboard’s top 100 hip-hop chart, let me show some gratitude. I LOVE ratchet ass hood music. I live for it. I swear I was the second person (next to the guy I got it from) with Young Jeezy’s Thug Motivation leaked album. I get excited when I hear Gucci Mane is performing in my city. Yo Gotti will always take my listening preference over Maroon 5. Anything T.I. does in the studio sounds spectacular. Three-6-Mafia deserved that Oscar. Wacka Flocka and Roscoe Dash make sure I have a “good night.” And 2 Chainz will remain Tity Boi anytime I refer to him. “Do you love this shit?”

But I’m afraid none of that music will actually mean anything, say, 20 years from now. Well yes, President Obama made a slick Young Jeezy reference that gained a bunch of attention, but I come on; how many people at that dinner even know who Jeezy is? Exactly.

And what the hell is a thun thun thun, and why shouldn’t I drop it, FiNaTTicZ? I’m so disappointed.

When Lil Wayne came out with “Lollipop,” I got excited. This is something I can dance to in the club, crank in the car, and no one will judge me *insert ‘girl please’ side eye*. But by listening to the words, I’ve concluded that it was some pretty basic shit. Elementary. Is this the future of rap? Or is it just popular rap? In either case, folks, we’re all doomed. We’re also doomed because Bow Wow is signed to YMCMB, Twista hasn’t dropped an album in forever, Tyga is invited to sweet 16 birthday bashes, and Kanye is backing Big Sean.

Since I’m not a big fan of east coast or west coast hip-hop artists, I lean on midwest and southern rappers to give me my fix. And I guess I’m happy. But if I had a lot next to my house and 4-foot tall speakers to put in the windows, I most definitely wouldn’t be crankin’ that Soulja Boy or looking for a ‘Supafreak’. I’ll just wobble wobble and drop it like it’s hot (AND bring it back up) when no one’s looking…or maybe in the middle of the dance floor on a nice day.