15 in 5

Because I love a list. Especially a random list.

My daughter got bitten by a snake last week. Until I heard the details I was worried. Days before, a friend of ours was bitten by a copperhead in his driveway.

The Girl wasn’t bitten by a copperhead. The snake was, however, in our house.

The Boy told me he loves me more than steak. I asked about bacon. He said, “Well, you have to understand that bacon is like my favorite food.”

We’ve started spending Thanksgiving at the beach. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days anyway, but turkey and dressing taste better oceanfront at sunset.

We drove to south Florida. It’s not a bad drive if you make it in the average estimated time. If you somehow miss the splitting of I-75 and the Florida Turnpike: game changer.

Yes there was a GPS in use. When the split happened, we were on a stretch of highway with very, very bad cell phone reception. Our GPS lady temporarily stopped guiding us.

We crossed Florida once, going from Jacksonville to the Tampa area. By the time we realized our mistake, we’d gotten back to Orlando. I’m sure central Florida is a lovely place. At night, with two tired kids and two even more tired parents, it just isn’t. Knowing your nine-hour trip will now take 12 prompts a quick search for the corkscrew. (Kidding. We waited.)

If with every minute, your predicted travel time increases by 15 minutes, a slight panic is necessary. Maybe a little cussing, too. Earmuffs, kids. Next year, when we win the lottery, we’re flying. Our overstuffed carful of luggage will take its own plane.

Last week, someone let their winning lotto ticket go to waste. It expired. Sixteen million dollars went unclaimed. In Tampa, Florida. The irony isn’t lost on me.

I hear we’re having some of the coldest temps so far this year while we’re away from Augusta. As someone who detests cold weather, I’m not at all sad. I won’t brag about the temperatures in Florida. Let’s just say this: it’s warmer than 78 degrees.

I don’t mean to offend, but Florida is different from the rest of the United States. There are hundreds of reasons, most of them obvious, but a blanket statement makes the point. It’s not bad, really, just different.

We did see some 12-ish-year-old girls eating lunch in their itty bitty bikinis yesterday. They were in a restaurant. Florida or not, we would’ve suggested a T-shirt for The Girl. She’s welcome to make her own apparel decisions. If she decides to go to a restaurant in her underwear, she can eat in her bedroom. Her choice.

Hanukkah is early this year, right? I read that the concurrence of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Depending on the source (or your math skills), the next time this might be possible will be the year 2165. Chag Sameach!

We don’t have any iDevices or electronics on Christmas lists this year. It’s not that our house is overrun by such things. For some reason, they simply didn’t make the cut. Don’t be too impressed. The Girl’s list includes a Sleep Number bed, a swimming pool and a Jeep Wrangler. Sixteen million dollars in unclaimed lotto winnings, sitting in Tampa.

Although Facebook makes it seem season-specific, being thankful shouldn’t be. As Valentine’s Day reminds us to love and birthdays remind us to celebrate, Thanksgiving is a good post-it note. Give thanks. Eat, drink and be merry with your people. Cheers, y’all!

I’m doing my best to focus. I know I should be covering and dismantling whatever nonsense the GOP candidates are saying right now — speaking of, go and read Hillary Clinton’s response to Mitch McConnell saying that she’s “playing the gender card;” it’s glorious — but, at least for these couple

Okay, so this is the type of craziness that bugs a lot of people. Of all documents, I can think of no other publication that justifies being in the public domain more so than the set of laws and regulations we use to govern ourselves. Developed by elected representatives at the expense of

I’m trying to give the benefit of the doubt here. I want to assume positive intentions. It’s likely there wasn’t any malicious intent, but because of recent debates, I’m sensitive. Maybe I’m confused. Are we supposed to be taking our kids out to eat or not? I know it’s entirely up to me,

Saturday, as my youngest son, No. 4, was parking his bike behind my car in the driveway, it fell. I watched it from the upstairs bedroom and thought, “I’m going to forget it’s there in the morning and run it over, I just know it.” Surprisingly, I was wrong. I didn’t run it over because […]

Nine months after I broke the news that there was a major steroids scandal brewing for the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department, we are still waiting for the complete report prepared by the GBI to be released. It has been in the hands of Augusta District Attorney Ashley Wright since early

Josh Ruffin is off for the week, so please enjoy one of his columns for last July. After about 15 years’ procrastination, I’m finally reading “The Stand.” I’m not sure why I resisted actually tackling the book for so long. Its length doesn’t bother me; I’ve read denser stuff in graduate

We hear it all the time: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. I call bull honkey. Total crap. It’s like the advice they (the royal they, with all the answers) give brides when it rains on their wedding day. “They say it’s good luck if it rains on […]

Lately around my house, you’ve heard a lot of talk about the Gorilla, the Manx Missile and the Terminator. No, they are not the latest Marvel superheroes to appear in a summer blockbuster. The biggest bicycle race in the world is occurring, and our family huddles around the TV every evening

An interesting study came out a few months ago from a group called the Equal Justice Initiative based in Montgomery, Alabama. The detailed report, “Lynching In America: Confronting The Legacy of Racial Terror,” involved the history of lynchings in our corner of the United States,

I had to do something today that I never like doing. However, I do it at least once a year. I put two of my kids on a plane to fly across the nation for a couple of weeks. It was No. 2 and No. 3, the step-version of my kids. They have grandparents, aunts, […]

I have only vague memories of my own desires before the age of 14. These, largely, are my assumptions: that I wanted little more than to play video games, watch baseball and drink blue Kool Aid. There was also something ephemeral involving girls, but I didn’t — and, to a greater extent that I’d

We took the kids to sleepaway camp a few weeks ago. We dropped them off, in the middle of Alabama, with a bunch of complete strangers in the middle of the woods. They loved it. Growing up, I had friends who went to camp, but I never went. Well, unless you count Chuck Kriese Tiger […]

The idea for Southbound Smokehouse has been a long time in the making. The restaurant itself? Well, that came together in record time. “I didn’t know how we were going to do it, but we put it together in less than two months, which is just crazy,” said co-owner George Claussen. “I still don’t

In recognition of last week’s U.S. Supreme Court decision recognizing the right of gays to marry nationwide, I submit my original “coming out” declaration, which first appeared in these pages in January of 2013. Two and a half years later, I am still proud to have written it and prouder still

I’m trying to figure out why the Dairy Queen behind Daniel Village decided to renovate in the middle of summer. I’m no ice cream expert, but it seems Blizzards would sell amazingly well in the middle of July. Speaking of July, the fireworks this year were beyond sufficient. I love a good

I’m less than a year into my tenure as the father of a teenager and I think I’m losing. I’m not sure if I’m losing a game, a battle or a war… maybe all three. When I tell people who have been through their own dreaded parent-of-a-teenager years of my struggles with my teen, they […]

So first Walmart announced it was removing any and all items from their shelves that feature the Confederate battle emblem in the wake of the brutal mass shooting in Charleston. And the State of South Carolina now is working to remove the Confederate Battle Flag from their statehouse grounds,

While it would be disingenuous to say that the South Carolina legislature’s decision to remove the Confederate flag from their courthouse is causing more problems than it’s solving — history has been on the side of this decision even long before it was made — it might be fair to say that the

I did something out of the ordinary this week. It wasn’t anything really special, but it was something really special. That’s not a typo. I’ll explain: My daughter, No. 3, went to spend the night with her cousin, which meant that after the wife went to work, it was just the me and my boys. […]

Living in Wisconsin, I think we feel a certain kinship to the characters of “Game of Thrones,” and I’m not just talking about the rampant incest and blood magic. “Winter is coming” is a both a major tagline for the show and also our justification for drinking more and buying comically gigantic