* **In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was wheredo women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, the correct answer isAfricaOne of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.It appears that blacks and scousers is not the correct answer

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPadafter realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh,She's Eleven."

My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two ofus on Valentine's Night. Turns out she's really crap at snooker

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Manchesterbut I've been bannedfrom there after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they driveslowly past schools

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. Isaid "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Oh that's easy, Derek's got amoustache!"

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastardwho drinks a lot and his wife Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."*