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August 2011

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

While there are parts of the day, particularly the mornings, when I have to remind myself to slow down and breath, that there’s no reason to be hurried and stressed trying to get everything together for two kiddos, the parts of the week when my heart swells with so much joy it might burst, outweigh the frenzy. I am astounded at what God has graced me with these two children.

We are a family of four. The word that describes it for me: complete. The urge to jump on a plane or hop in the car spontaneously for a family vacation has been precipitated not just to escape this hades-like summer, but more so to start making memories as a family. Not that we’re not doing that already or that the ones with just Brennan are lessened. But sometimes it feels as if life as our family is just beginning. It makes me want to burst through the gates with gusto and embrace it. Relish it.

Our sweet Kensie is a month old. That first week of her life I was a mess, constantly sitting in a puddle of tears feeling as if the rug had been taken out from underneath me and I’d never be the same.

Week two looked slightly brighter. My Momma’s presence was comforting and helpful. Although the thoughts of, “How in the world am I ever going to do this,” dominated my mind.

We also discovered Kensington lost the weight she gained back after coming home from the hospital and dropped to 6 pounds. It was a shocking blow when I thought feeding was going so well. Thus the latter part of week two and all of week three were pretty excruciating and painful. Back and forth I was about what was best for all of us. Unlike Brennan, the feeding issues pertained to my own body, so said the lactation consultant.

I wrestled (and occasionally still do) with insecurity and the fear of what people think based upon our decision. Finally, and thankfully, we arrived at a very freeing decision based upon what is best for our family. Right now it works for us. I am pumping three times a day, which is very workable at this time, and something with which my body is very familiar. Then we’re supplementing with formula. I share this info publicly with you because I have a testimony with Brennan that is just as powerful to me today as it was then. And it’s also a way I can confront my own battle with the insecurity I faced in making the decision. There might even be another momma out there who would hopefully feel less shame and embarrassment knowing the joy of gazing into her child’s big eyes while giving her a bottle by reading some of this.

That said, my little girl is finally growing and putting on some weight. She’s a lanky thing with long arms and legs. But her face is filling out and she enjoys her food immensely. She has a very cute ‘licking her chops’ sound with her puckered lips. I anticipate finding out her weight next week.

She has one small dimple on her left cheek. The tiny birthmark on her left eyelid is diminishing, but she still has some angel kisses on the back of her neck.

Pure sweetness is what she is. She’s a very laid back baby like her brother and doesn’t mind the car seat or driving, which is a good thing because we haul her everywhere. While one of the things I struggle with is guilt over feeling like I’m neglecting one child over the other depending on what I’m doing at the moment, Kensie fits into our family really well and loves to be a part of what we do as we tote her from one activity to the next.

Kensington loves to be held. She’s most content in someone’s arms, preferably with their hand resting gently on her cheek to feel even closer, safer. We manage to go on a few walks in the morning and play outside a bit, but it’s been so hot she mostly enjoys the outdoors by looking out the window. If she’s really upset, the best soothing technique we have is to step outside with her and it will calm her in a matter of seconds. Matt thinks it’s because the heat sucks the life right out of her <grin>. We’ve taken her to the pool with Brennan a few times where she seems to sleep better than in our home. She does not like to be cold! Warm baths are soothing, and like her Momma and great-grandmother, her nose is always cold.

She’s still in newborn-sized clothes and diapers, but we have so many cute summery 3-month outfits that I’m dressing her in those, too, before we run out of time and it gets too cold. I’m praying for cold weather in faith.

She perks up whenever she hears Brennan. He helps with her diapers, her pacis, and wants to be with us when she has a bath. She welcomes his affection.There will be times he gets frustrated when she’s crying and say, “No, Kensie.” He wants to know what’s wrong: “Kensie hungry?” “Tummy hurt?” “Dirty diaper?”. The other day when Brennan was playing with the Cars character, Sally, I asked him if he thought Sally was pretty. He said, “No, Kensie is pretty.”

My darling girl eats about every 3 hours and can do a 4 hour stretch with sleeping. We’re still figuring out the first and last feedings of the day as well as naptimes. I used to keep very detailed journals about Brennan’s feeding and sleeping. Not so with Kensie. Matt and I both are pretty tired as the nights have been touchy with both kids. But that means I can snuggle with her during our afternoon nap, which thankfully, has lined up with Brennan’s.

Sara asked how we came up with the name Kensington Jane. I first saw Kensington on a birth announcement in my doctor’s office and really liked its beauty and uniqueness. It grew on Matt, who really liked the nickname Kensie (which we’re now spelling with an ‘s’ to have less confusion than with a ‘z’. We like to be complicated like that. And we have no preference on which you call her). ‘Kensington’ doesn’t have a special meaning other than ‘an English town’. Mac and Julie asked if she was named after our honeymoon spot in England <grin>. No, no she’s not. Ha!

Jane is very special, and we knew it would be her middle name for awhile. Jane is not only both my Momma’s and Gaga’s middle names (Donna Jane and Sarah Jane, respectively), Jane goes back in my family all the way to my great-great-great-great grandmother. I have much joy in my Momma and grandmother being Kensie’s namesake. I think it’s a lovely name and means “God is gracious”. May Kensington know that to be true and leave a legacy on generations to come testifying to it.

Monday, August 29, 2011

No, it’s not Friday, it’s Monday. But I wanted to post this last Friday and make this theme a mainstay for Fridays every now and then. And posting pictures of my angels makes it feel more like Friday. Here are some of my favorite ‘fotos’ over the last two weeks.

Kensington has such dark, blue eyes, they almost look either dark brown or black.

I quickly snapped this for my Daddy, and while there is a lot of busyness in the picture, if you focus on their faces, you’ll notice they’re gazing admirably at each other.

I didn’t think I’d be a fan of big bows, but oh, they’re a lot of fun! Many of the pictures are to savor the cute outfits in which I’m dressing my doll.

Matt took this. I’m not sure what Brennan is saying, but I love his bed head. Thankfully, Kensington can sleep through anything, including her brother’s hugs and kisses.

The first and only picture thus far of me and my children (besides in the hospital). This was taken before a Round Rock Express baseball game that Matt and Brennan went to together. Brennan is holding a bag of cookies to take as a small dessert. We’re having to curb the “Cookie Monster” style of eating around our home ever since Sesame Street has been a regular viewing favorite.

Even at four weeks old, Kensington can still wear this cute newborn outfit that our friends, Sara and Abby, shared with her. I am conscious of the fact that my daughter is dressing better than I. Maybe I’ll ask for a shopping spree for Christmas <grin>.

My angel boy is very into baseball right now. Since I’m not a huge lover of the sport, I’m thrilled that football season is starting this week to expand his horizons <grin>. In fact, we might take him to his first live football game this Friday.

He loves Spike, the Express mascot, and even had a real baseball given to him by a kind usher autographed by Spike.

She is pure sweetness.

Hangin’ out at the pool with me and Brennan.

Thanks to Aunt Melissa for this adorable tutu dress Kensington wore to her debut at church yesterday! Thankfully, the HUGE diaper explosion that occurred while Skyping with Mac and Julie last night didn’t stain her dress, because I hope to dress her in it as much as possible.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

If I could apply the idiom, “learning the ropes” to this parenting gig of being a new mom of two children, the accurate picture of such a phrase would find me flat on my face with enough scuff marks to prove I’d not just fallen once but multiple times. It’s a wonder I get back up and try again the next day!

Oh, I mostly write this in jest of myself, as the only thing I can do is laugh. But humor me for a moment. If the past five days is any indication of what my family will have to endure for the rest of their days, then by all means, they may be entitled to a permanent wife/momma swap. Although a swap implies that an interchange takes place and that I would be placed in another family. And I’m not quite sure another family would take me. My resume of the last week does not bode well:

Brennan and I made some awesome cookie dough to bake cookies for a care package to send to Pops, because if we like receiving packages, so do others. And who better to send a package of cookies than to Pops? The cookie dough sat in our fridge for a few days before I had a chance to bake it, but I wasn’t in too big of a hurry as the dough was a pretty good snack. (Whomever thinks that giving up emotional eating while having a newborn is out of his ever-lovin’ mind.) When I finally baked the cookies, I burned three-quarters of them and undercooked the other quarter! It was pathetic. Three different batches of cookies were botched and unworthy care package treats. (But this emotional eater didn’t care. They’re all gone.) I have a week and a half to perfect cookie baking before Brennan starts preschool. Help!

Monday morning I had the bright idea of carting my kids thirty minutes each way to the children’s museum downtown. By 10 a.m. it was already a steaming 90 degrees, quickly climbing to the bemoaned 105 that it’s been all summer long! Kensington was placed in the Bjorn and Brennan was unbuckled. I reached for my purse to pay for parking and the museum fee. Oh, wait. What purse? That’s right, folks. No money. Nothing. I left it at home, and to home we returned.

Before heading home on Monday after the no-purse fiasco, we stopped at Chick-fil-A (I had to redeem myself to my 2.5 year old), and Matt came to our rescue with the use of his plastic. But after lunch while loading Brennan in the car, not only did I accidentally scratch him, I bonked his head on the car door.

A $3.40 fine per 17 overdue library books adds up to be a lot of money. Yes, I have a newborn and “just didn’t get to it”. But doggonit, it’s also just right up the street and simply lazy.

Upon proceeding to defiantly and disobediently walk away from me in the mall with the utter purpose of going to climb in a school bus ride, I tried to administer some form of discipline to Brennan. We were in the middle of the food court, and while I tried to ignore every glaring eye, the feeling of such glares could not be ignored as my child screamed bloody murder yelling, “No!” to me. Meanwhile, Kensington was crying because her bow fell in her eyes and I didn’t know it. So every passerby saw my daughter’s face covered by a huge pink bow that was making her holler while my son was giving every indication that I was a mother who needed to be carted away by security.

Today was the real clincher. The next three all happened today. Molly was going ballistic with (what I thought was) excitement knowing she was going on a walk this morning. Her barking and jumping up and down while trying to get the kids ready was making me go bonkers. I proverbially “tossed her” into the garage while I could calmly finish up inside. She was really grating on my every nerve. Before I even had a chance to raise the garage door, I noticed she was squatting and pooping in the middle of the garage! The poor girl, whom I was hushing and scolding, didn’t want to go outside the back door (which was opened) because the grass must be too high, or too burned (depending on the area) for her liking, and was busting.

Returning home from our walk (that Molly pooped on three more times), I must have been too focused on the person walking toward us to notice the moving sprinkler which I walked straight into, giving all of us a huge douse of water. Brennan, Molly and I didn’t mind it so much. But the sleeping beauty who was harshly awoken by a powerful spraying of water in her face made it quite clear she wasn’t happy.

We made it to Target, our first store run today the three of us. One of the things on my list to buy was deli meat. That was at noon. Fast forward to six o’clock this evening and what did I discover: the bag of deli meat inadvertently placed on a kitchen chair instead of in the fridge. Do I dare use it on Matt’s sandwich tomorrow <grin>?

Do you think they will survive, or should they swap me now? This could be a good picture for a family personal ad: “Father and two children (and dog) seeking wife and mother…”

She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come <grin> (emphasis mine).

Friday, August 19, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011

We made it two weeks! I feel so much in a fog right now that I’m not even sure what to write, and I confess my emotions might get the better of me. I don’t want to bog you down with fleeting feelings that change from one moment to the next. Instead, I’ll give you a glimpse of our beautiful daughter whom we are enjoying immensely and her big brother, who lavishly loves her and who is a huge helper. I know some grandparents are eager to get recent photos, and a certain Miss Corrie who has also put in a specific request for pictures. So without further ado, here are a few to tide you over until my next quarterly post <grin>.

It takes a lot to wake this girl up for feedings.

These two, Pops and Brennan, are best buds.

My Momma, bless her a hundred fold, was here all last week serving and loving us! I managed to have my first successful day with two kiddos while she went back to San Antonio for a night. I use ‘successful’ loosely as the house was a mess and we watched more TV than I’d like to admit, but we managed to get out and about the three of us and it was a fun day. I start my first official week on my own with two kids today. I’m a bit apprehensive.

Molly turned 10 years old this past week! So we went on a walk with her and Mees to the playground and had a celebratory muffin picnic. The kiddos are christening their new double stroller.

Even at 2 weeks old, she’s still a tiny thing, but with bright blue eyes.

I haven’t opened the blog up for questions in awhile, so lest I splatter all my emotions to the world wide web without any fraction of discernment, please oblige me by giving me some topics to write about for next time by leaving a question about anything you’d like to know.

Hope y’all are doing well! Thank you for all the sweet comments and congrats in the last post!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

Hello, dear Internet peeps! If you’re up for it (because it’s kinda long), this is a dramatic rendition of our baby girl’s welcome into the world and the day that led up to it. I say dramatic because on occasion, it may even seem I’m being a bit melodramatic. But based upon how I remember feeling in those moments, they are to the best of my ability, not exaggerated. Also, for some of my male readers, whom I highly regard as a part of this readership, there will be some information provided that might seem like too much information (such as how far along I was dilated). I issue a kind warning <grin>. Lastly, if you’re a picture-only kinda visitor, they are at the end of the post. Love to each of you!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

6:30 a.m.: Another scorching day over 100 degrees waddling around at 39 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I attempt to find a successful activity to expend a 2.5 year old’s energy.

7:30 a.m.: Feeling impatient. Doesn’t bode well for the morning.

8:00 a.m.: Boy is fed. Dog is fed. Hubby is sent off to work. I nibble on some breakfast while I hear, “Bye, bye. Going to Alex and Evan’s house.” Front door opens and closes. I arise and by the time I make it to the front door, Brennan is already on the sidewalk. I manage to get him back inside without having to retrieve him in my pjs (although it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve paraded in our front yard in my pjs), but what awaits me when the boy comes back inside is attitude, the kind that needs to be addressed but carries with it the lingering question of, “Did I handle that right?”

8:30 a.m.: Dressed and ready to go. We take a short walk with Molly. The walks keep getting shorter as the days keep getting hotter.

9:10 a.m.: <Deep sigh> as I climb into the car and get settled, cranking up the A/C, turning up Psalty. I recognize my brewing impatience that erodes the gift of the day with Brennan.

9:30 a.m.: We pull up to our friends’ home to play with Mr. Cayden and meet 1 month old baby Lauren. Getting some gal time with my friend, Amy, while the boys play helped make the morning a lot better.

11 a.m.: Impatience and frustration return as I try to get Brennan out of Cayden’s home. His fits while trying to get him out the door of a place he doesn’t want to leave are happening way too often. The heat is getting to both of us.

11:20 a.m.: We pull up to the “big pool”. After days of avoiding putting on my preggo swimsuit, I succumb to the need to cool off and make sure Brennan has an adequate energy releasing activity for the day (have I mentioned how important that is to my sanity?). We swim. We laugh. He blows bubbles. We eat lunch. I feel like a hippo. He stalks a little boy with a “Mr. King” race car. We talk over lunch but I feel distracted, worn out, my mind wanders. I hope this isn’t the day Skittles arrives because it’s not one of my better days with Brennan. I don’t want this one to be our last ‘just the two of us’ days.

12:00 p.m.: Chat with Matt on the phone who is under major deadlines for work. He’s preparing to work at the office late tonight, Friday, and possibly through the weekend. Horrible timing. But I encourage him that I can handle putting Brennan to bed and he can stay at work to finish up late. I insist.

3:30 p.m.: The grogginess of waking up from a deep nap sets in. What are we going to do the rest of the afternoon? A bit of “Sesame Street” will pass the time until I get my act together.

4:00 p.m.: I utter a praise of thanksgiving that Leah, Evan and Ella Kate are up for coming over to play. More girl time, and a great way to pass the time for Brennan till we meet Matt for dinner.

4:45 p.m.: Brennan walks out the front door again by himself. Have to take him back to the bedroom to discipline him with our guests upstairs. I feel my nerves splintering.

5:45 p.m.: Brennan throws yet another fit when Evan leaves. My nerves are fried. I’m worn out and could cry at the drop of a hat.

6:00 p.m.: We load into the car to meet Matt for dinner before he goes back to work. I cry on the phone with Matt. I’m vulnerable. Fragile. And wishing it had been a better day with Brennan.

6:15 p.m.: I have no words. The boys order dinner and I’m not hungry. We climb into the booth, and upon sitting down realize I don’t feel well. Those Braxton Hicks contractions are stronger, and I just want to cry. And I do. A lot. The guilt that plagues mommyhood at times rose like an awakened bear from hibernation hungry for its first meal. This was exactly the kind of day I did not want to be my last with Brennan. I was not the mommy I wanted to be, and I certainly didn’t want to remember it as a day the discipline just kept on rollin’.

6:30 p.m.: The tears keep falling. Matt looks at me with compassion, wishing there was something he could do. I keep staring out the window hoping no one will see me. I do not go unnoticed. A gracious server came by and said, “Can I just give you a hug?” I receive it, red-faced yet unable to hold back the tears. I’m a mess.

7:00 p.m.: Matt chooses to show me deep love by coming home to bathe Brennan and put him to bed so I can climb into bed myself and have a break. I still feel awful. No appetite and very uncomfortable.

7:45 p.m.: Brennan is down for bed. I’m showered and cleaned and ask Matt to please download the contraction timing iPhone app for me to use while he goes back to work. They seem on the short side. Fairly regular, but short. Bearable.

8:15 p.m.: Hoisting my pregnant self into bed, I send Matt on his merry way back to work, faithfully timing contractions and watching Father of the Bride.

9:00 p.m.: I just don’t know. Lord, make it clear to me if this is real. And Lord, please don’t let it be tonight. I want a do-over day with Brennan. I’m scared.

10:00 p.m.: Pain intensifying. It’s definitely time to go to the hospital.

10:20 p.m.: We call Rob and Leah to come over and stay with Brennan until Momma arrives from San Antonio. We call Momma, who was cleaning up from a dinner party and just poured herself a glass of wine to relax, to come on up.

10:35 p.m.: We leave for the hospital. I’m kicking myself for not leaving sooner.

11:00 p.m.: We mosey our way up to Labor and Delivery. My first request: an epidural as soon as possible, fearful I’d waited too long because contractions were fast.

11:15 p.m.: Laying in the hospital I start answering their parade of questions. Arrive at hospital 6 c.m. dilated and 100% effaced.

11:20 p.m.: I.V. attempt #1. I.V. attempt #2. I.V. attempt #3.

11:30 p.m.: All of my limbs are numb; I can’t feel anything. They start me on oxygen.

Friday, July 29, 2011

11:30 p.m.-12:15 a.m.: The excruciating wait. Electrifying pain. Trying to breath. Matt’s encouragement is a faint babble, his hand the recipient of my constricting distress. I am cognizant that I am a weannie, that I do not tolerate pain well. The fact that I still want an epidural when I only have 4 c.m. remaining and am crying out every 2 minutes to send help fast is humbling. The other side of me doesn’t give a hoot. And my water breaks.

12:20 a.m.: Finally. The angel doctor has arrived. Fear creeps in at the same time.

12:35 a.m.: I can breath. Finally relax a little. We call to check on my Momma and update her. She’s trotting down the highway in San Marcos.

12:40 a.m.: Maybe now I’ll even have a bit of time to rest like I did with Brennan. The transition shakes set in. Nope. I went from 7 c.m. to 9 c.m. in just under 10 minutes. The nurse pages the doctor.

12:50 a.m.: I start pushing under the direction of the nurse. Matt’s excitement grows as he catches glimpses of his daughter.

1:05 a.m.: I’ve gotta push. Gotta. Gotta. Gotta. But the doctor is taking his sweet time coming in and getting set up, slowly putting his gloves, gown, and cap on while I can tell she’s about ready to slip right out.

1:15 a.m.: After a few rounds of pushing, she made her debut, and she was (surprisingly) tossed in my arms a slimy, tiny, astounding gift of life.

Kensington Jane

Born Friday, July 29th 2011 at 1:15 a.m.

6 lb. 7 oz. and 20 in.

The one thing about going into labor in the middle of the night is that it is unglamorous. Glasses. No makeup. Hair isn’t done. Raw and real.

At least one of us looks enlivened and revitalized.

Labor and Delivery was bustling that night! Look at all the babies in the nursery.

Around lunchtime on Friday, I finally got to see my little boy, whom I was desperately missing. I am slightly embarrassed that I was still in the hospital gown for the pictures with Brennan. But that’s not where my mind was at the time. It felt so good to see him, and we presented him with the blanket I sewed for him (which he loves sleeping with).

I’m still not sure what to think about my last day with “just Brennan”. It pains me, and I’m pretty weepy in these post-partum days about my bond with Brennan. I love him so.

Brennan was ecstatic to meet Kensington! He kept saying over and over that “Kenzie came out mommy’s tummy.” Kisses abounded. Gentle pats were given. He slathered his baby sister with welcoming love.

On Friday night, Brennan and my Momma came back to the hospital bringing pizza and we had a little party in the room. Brennan was entertained by my bracelets and of course all of the buttons on the moveable bed.

We had surprise visitors on Saturday morning: Brennan and my momma came by again with my Daddy tagging along! He was able to get an earlier flight into town from Florida. It did my heart some good having all of us together! We opted to leave the hospital Saturday afternoon instead of staying another night.

Here’s Kensington all dressed and ready to go home!

She has bright blue eyes and light hair like her brother (but not as much of it as when he was born). Interestingly, she was 1/4 inch longer than Brennan but 1.5 pounds lighter.

Despite the abominable Texas temperatures, we’ve taken Kensington outside to sit under the shade a few times. One of the most calming things to her when she cries is to step outside for a bit. Isn’t she lovely?