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It is Thursday morning, and I have 2 days until my first official weigh in! I hope you are all counting down with me!

In the past, I would usually try to “trick” the scales with little schemes and plots to ensure that I weighed in as light as possible. Let me give you some examples:

Not drinking water the day of the weigh in – VERY bad for you! And seeing that we have to drink 2-3 liters of water a day, it makes for an afternoon running to and from the bathroom.

Eating “light” foods, or skipping meals – This excuse used to be a favourite technique of this serial dieter.

I would think: Well, if I can hold off on breakfast until my 5:15pm weigh in… Then I can have a delicious dinner afterwards. Because then it is, what I like to call, “limbo”. You have just weighed, and you don’t start again until tomorrow. This equals FREE CALORIES!

By the time I arrive at the community center, I am so starving that I end up yelling at the lady recording my weight, who, may I just say, always seems to be eating something! Can’t you tell there are starving fatties in the line, Beryl? I don’t care if you have hit goal weight, I will jump over this table and smack that Weight Watchers bar straight out of your skinny hand! Come on!

Going to the bathroom as many times as you can before hand – Ooooh, this is a great trick. Go to the bathroom before you leave home. Stop at the petrol station to go to the bathroom on the way to the clinic. Go to the bathroom when you arrive at the clinic. Have a chat with your “Weight Loss Professional” (no peeing during this part), and most importantly go to the bathroom the second before you jump on that hateful chrome weighing station of disappointment.

I don’t care if you are sitting in the bathroom for 45 minutes trying to squeeze out those last of yesterdays water – those little yellow drops seem to weigh 45kgs each! You make sure you sit there and push like you are giving birth to Andre The Giant’s first child. It will be worth it. Promise.

Insisting that there is something “wrong” with the scales – The floor isn’t flat, the scales are on the carpet, the battery is dying, I had a different number on my scales at home, the lady in front of me obviously terrified the scales and they retained the number from her weigh in, etc. I have seen many a scale hurled into the rubbish bin over my many years of dieting. I just can’t seem to find an accurate one!

Heavy clothes – You would not believe how many ridiculously deceiving weighty cardigans and scarves I own. Seriously. You would think that a beautiful, floaty Thai silk scarf would only way a few grams – but I am telling you, I have seen them as heavy as a small child! And don’t get me started on jeans! They are at least 5kgs a leg! Worse if you are wearing a belt. Oh, and I’m happy to deduct another kilo for the energy expended walking from my car (YES, I DROVE! Stop judging me!) to the community center – that weight wouldn’t have been taken from my Fat Bank yet, but I am sure it will come off over night. So lets count that in tonight’s weigh in.

Rest assured, if all else fails, you can just suck your tummy in on the day 🙂