Writing for Woman's World Magazine and others. Half critique. Half blog. Half not so hot with math.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Title:
Gone goes the weasel!

By
Author: John M. Floyd

Appearing in issue #23, June 10, 2013

For sale date: May 31, 2013

Tag line:The high school mascot was missing.Was one of the students a thief?

Police characters: Sheriff Jones and his old school
teacher and amateur crime fighter Angela Potts

The gist:The school mascot, an otter, is stolen from the gym.Teacher Teresa Garver gave the sheriff a list
of students that attended a meeting in the gym on the night the mascot was
stolen. The cleaning crew reported the otter missing when they came to clean
one hour after the students had left.There were no security cameras in the gym, nor in the parking lot.

A note was
left on the scene that read “For Sheriff Jones.I’m vacation-bound. But if I’m to be found, just whittle me down, and
then turn me around.Nora Michael”.There were no fingerprints on the note.

Sheriff
Jones is studying the note when Ms. Potts drops in.She figures out who stole the mascot.

Red herrings:None.It is not this author’s
style to throw in red herrings.His
interactions between the sheriff and Ms. Potts are what make the story
interesting.

Solution:Leah Jean Cimaron.Her name, when
whittled down to remove the Jean and turned around, spelled backwards is Nora
Michael.

My two cents:These two characters appear in WW often. This time the
sheriff keeps calling the mascot a weasel and he seems a bit cranky. Ms. Potts
feels the thief wanted to embarrass the school or maybe even the sheriff, but
really students nab each other’s mascots (and even their own) and hold them for
ransom just for the fun of it. It happens almost every year. The student even
left a clue. This wasn’t really a theft, it was more of a prank. As soon as I saw the list of names I started
reading them backwards and found the culprit quickly. The story was mildly
entertaining but not memorable.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Tag line:Willy Armbruster had dodged a bullet.Dale Garrison hadn’t been so lucky.

Police characters: Detective Kay and Sgt. Morgan

The gist:Willy called in to say he had just shot Dale in self-defense.Dale was the president of the company, while
Willy was VP of operations.He claimed
he had been suspicious of missing money and had told Dale an audit was
necessary.According to Willy, Dale
called him into the office from home after hours.Feeling funny about the late meeting, Willie
brought his handgun.He claimed that
even before he got to sit Dale pulled out a gun from his desk drawer and shot
at him putting a hole in the wall behind Willy. (There was indeed a bullet hole in the wall
opposite the desk.) Willy then shot Dale
dead.When the police arrived Dale was
slumped over his desk with a handgun in his right hand.When asked where Dale had kept the gun,
Willie told police he kept it in his right-hand desk drawer.Det. Kay opened the right hand drawer and
noted it was large enough to have held a gun.When asked what Willie thought Dale might have told the police if his
shot had not missed him, Willie claimed there had been burglaries in the area
lately, which was why Dale had the gun to begin with.

Crime scene:Dale’s office.

Clues:Bullet hole in back wall.Gun kept in desk drawer.

Suspects:Only Willie.It was
Det. Kay’s job to determine if it was murder or self defense.

Red herrings:None. Sort of. (See my 'writing tips' on this story.)

Solution:Det. Kay realized she had to open the desk drawer to look
inside.If Dale had pulled a gun and
shots were exchanged, the drawer would still be open.Willie had been embezzling and had killed the
boss to keep him from reporting the crime. He then put the gun in Dale’s right hand, but
out of habit shut the drawer.

My two cents:Another solid story from Author Griffith.Again, we knew from the get-go who did it, it
was just a matter of whether it was self-defense or not.I expected the solution to include the same
old tired left hand/right-hand explanation and was pleasantly surprised to hear
the open/shut drawer clue.I have to say
because I was sure Dale was left handed, I didn’t even see it coming.And that’s rare for me.

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Tag line:It was a dark and stormy night when one of Pete Patton’s many
enemies came to call.

Police characters: County Sheriff Eddie Smith

The gist:The power is out in River Falls for a half hour.At 8:05 Sheriff Smith gets a call that Pete
Patton, who lives in the neighboring town of Glen Oaks, has been shot.Nobody likes Pete.He’s bad tempered and has made a fortune
selling organic potatoes to fast-food restaurants.Sheriff Smith meets Alex Till at Patton’s
door, who tells him the body is upstairs.Alex, the plumber, had an 8:00 AM appointment with Pete.He said no one answered the doorbell but
lights were on and since Pete was expecting him, he just went on inside and
found Pete dead.Alex said he got along
with Pete but that he didn’t always pay on time. The coroner announced Pete was
killed an hour ago.

Pete’s
ex-wife, Helen, wasn’t happy in the divorce. She lives in Glen Oaks. She wasn’t
sorry that he was dead.When asked where
she was at 8:00 she said she was working on her computer.

Pete’s nephew Jesse fought with him all the time.Jesse lives in River Falls.He said his uncle used Jesse’s savings to
start the business and even though the money was paid back, Peter wouldn’t give
cut the nephew in on a share of the profits.He said he had been home been watching TV all evening with his
girlfriend and she would vouch for him.

Pete’s
sister Connie was treated poorly by Pete. She lives in Glen Oaks. She said they were family and she just put up
with his mean ways.She claims she was
reading a good book at the time her brother was killed.

Crime scene:
Pete’s home.

Clues:The power was out at the time of the death.

Suspects:Ex-wife Helen, Sister Connie, nephew Jesse.

Red herrings:None. We had four 'suspects' but not one of them had a good enough motive to even be considered as a red herring.

Solution: Jesse was the only one who lived in River
Falls.He claimed he was watching TV all
night but there was no power for a short time.He didn’t know the power was out in River Falls because he was in Glen
Oaks fighting with his uncle, a fight then ended up with him shooting Pete.

My two cents:Well, there are a couple of things
here.Just because the power was out in
one city doesn’t mean it was not out in the neighboring city.The sheriff never asked if the power was out
in Glen Oaks. And it was only off for 30
minutes.The wife said she was on the
computer.Computers work without
power.The sister said she was reading.You can read without a lamp.Jesse said he was watching TV all night, and
he could have been.Just because he
didn’t say I was watching TV all night expect for 30 minutes when the power
went out doesn’t make him a killer.

How many
plumbers do you know that just walk into your house when no one answers the
bell?

There
were four people to keep track of and two cities.It was a bit confusing and crowded in the
‘ole suspect room’.Nobody had a really
good motive to kill Pete.He had paid
back the money. His divorce wasn’t pleasant but whose is? (And we didn’t all kill our exes. um...we didn't, right?) Pete treated his sister badly, but she didn’t have to
take it.There’s no compelling reason to
kill here. That along with the vague inference that the power must have been on in the neighboring
city makes for a ho-hum mystery

Friday, May 10, 2013

Tag line:The shoplifter got the computer out of the store without
being noticed.To amateur detective
Gladys, that sounded all wrong!

Police/characters: An unnamed detective and Gladys, his mother-in-law

The gist:A robbery occurred in an office supply store.The clerk, who was alone on the sales floor,
reported that a bold shoplifter grabbed a pricey laptop from the shelf and
bolted from the store with the box under his arm.The clerk had been talking to another
customer and looked up just in time to see the thief jump into his car but he
did not get the license plate.He had no
description of a car and not much of the shoplifter either. The customer
corroborated his story. It happened too
fast to really get any details.Gladys,
the detective’s MIL, was eavesdropping on his conversation with his wife about
the case.She asked him if anyone heard
anything to which he replied neither the sales clerk nor the customer had heard
anything.He said, “Why would that be
significant?It’s an office supply store
not a dance hall.”Gladys said that the
clerk didn’t steal the laptop but that he (the clerk) knew who did.

Crime scene:A modern office supply store in the middle of town.

Clues:No one heard anything when the thief ran out the door.

Suspects:Unknown shoplifter, the clerk.

Red herrings:None.

Solution:A store that sells expensive computers would have a security
system with a magnetic tag on the merchandise and a detector at the door.The tag is removed at checkout to allow the
customer to exit the store without setting the alarm off.Since no one heard any alarm it meant that
the security tag had been removed, presumably by the clerk, before the thief
ran out the door with it.The clerk
reported the theft to avoid suspicion.

My two cents:Well, the author is asking us to suspend disbelief a few
times in this story.First, that a
detective would come home and discuss a case with his family.That almost never happens.A family member could potentially know the
thief (let’s say she recognizes that it’s her cousin), and once she hears all
the details, she could go and warn him he’s about to be arrested and to get out
of Dodge.It’s happened.So detectives don’t blab details about a case.It could be believable that he pillow-talks
with his wife, but giving case details out to his MIL?Uh-uh.

This author
said that the MIL was eavesdropping, which implies she’s around and close but
not in the conversation.But she was at
his home, presumably sitting at the kitchen table, listening to the chit-chat
between husband and wife and taking part in it. My gripe is about the word eavesdropping
here. Okay, it’s a little gripe.

Next, we have a high-priced office supply
store that leaves its high-buck merchandise out on the shelves?The sample laptops are wired to the shelf
frame.If someone tried to remove one,
an alarm would sound.When was the last
time you were in Staples or Office Max and saw a nice pile of boxes of laptops
on a shelf?You didn’t.When you want to purchase one, the clerk goes
in the back room, retrieves the item, and walks with you to the cashier.You are not even allowed to hold it in the
store.

High-end office supply stores have security
video cameras in the store and out in the parking lot. That would solve the not having any description of the perp and his car problem.

Also…see how this goes on and on? … when was
the last time you ever saw one clerk in a Staples?Okay, granted, when you want help you can’t
find anybody.In this scenario there
were three clerks; one on the floor, one in the back doing inventory, and one
out on his break.Why does it have to be
the clerk on the store’s floor that is involved?Why couldn’t it have been the guy in the back
who disarmed the security tag?Or the
guy taking his break?

And lastly I
don’t understand the detective's comment, “It’s an office supply store not a
dance hall.”Huh?

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Tag line: Ingrid Walthrop had cooked up a story to cover her murderous tracks.Unfortunately, she left out an important ingredient.

Police characters:Det. Elliott Mead

The gist:Ingrid's husband was suspicious of her activities and if he found out what she was doing it would make her prenuptial agreement void. (The author never specified what those activities were.She left that up to the reader's imagination.) She decided she would rather be a rich widow than a poor divorcee.Edward came home one rainy day with a bag of groceries and placed them on the table. At that moment Ingrid struck him from behind with a stone vase.She cleaned and bleached the vase.Ingrid took the full grocery bag, stood in the doorway and enacted his 'fall' scattering the groceries.She then dragged his body over to the door and positioned it to look like he had taken the fall, cleaned up the drops of blood on the floor where she had clobbered him, and called 911. When asked if her husband did his own shopping, the grieving widow told police that her husband loved to cook and he was going to try a new cake recipe today.

Crime scene:Their home.

Clues:Edward always wore smooth sole loafers that were slippery in the rain. He had recently twisted his ankle because of those shoes and had been treated for it.When the body was removed there was a puddle of blood under his head, a few scuff marks, and a small packet of vanilla beans.The victims pant legs were wet from the weather and the soles of his shoes were slick.The ME advised that it appeared the victim died as a result of the impact of his head hitting the marble floor.

Suspects:None.This was a staged accident.

Red herrings:None.The author walked us through the story from the wife's eyes.We knew within two sentences that she had killed him.

Solution:When the victim was removed there was a packet of vanilla beans underneath the body.Ingrid had accidentally dragged them beneath Edward's body when she was setting the scene so she couldn't see her mistake.

My two cents:This was presented in an interesting way that we haven't seen before.We knew who the killer was from the get-go; it was just a matter of 'will she get away with it or not'.Supposedly her mentioning the fact that Edward was going to bake a cake today made the detective realize there were vanilla beans under the body.My only form of editing on this piece is I would have left out the baking the cake element asit shouldn't matter what the grocery product was under the body, that is a clue the detective should have picked up on the minute he saw it.

Mom on my porch, doing the same jigsaw puzzle she does every day.

Kayla, my granddaughter. :)

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Every Wednesday

Want help with your story?

My day job puts me in contact with real cops, detectives, FBI agents and DEA guys. I have worked thousands of cases from the homeless guy on the Metrorail who got arrested for jumping the turnstile -- that’s right, arrested for not having a quarter -- to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who strangled hookers along the famous trail in Miami. I produce court transcripts for a living.

Who better to look at your mystery stories to see if the police procedures are true, the clues are solid and the whole thing works? I will not hesitate to point out the good, the bad and the ugly in your story. Both of my WW mysteries made it to Johnene. From there? Cross your fingers.

The line-by-line edit, which also includes grammar, spelling and proofing, will offer suggestions on how to improve problem spots. The cost is $29 payable by PayPal. 72-hour turn around time.

I’ll also take a second look once you’ve revamped your story, but this time I’ll only look for glaring errors assuming all the details you chose to put in you want to stay in.

Send your story as a Word e-mail attachment to ladyrprter at aol dot com, and the fee to PayPal using ladyrprter at aol dot com for the payee

Your tag line is the hook that gets someone interested in reading your work. It's one of the most important lines of your story. Take time to make it sparkle.

Criminals don't always think the crime through--especially if the crime is one of passion or revenge--but don't have them make stupid or stilly mistakes just to get your story written. Make the mistakes something that you just normally don't think about. Like the pruning skin in this story.

You don't always have to have crime scene details to make a mystery story work. Cozy mysteries sell well if you make the characters interesting.

Once again WW chose a story with a female cop and little old ladies. Just remember to use the proper words for the crimes and before you say things like, he jimmied the lock, understand just what that is.

You've only got 700 words. Make them count. Don't waste words on things that don't matter. And NEVER give a clue and then later in the solution change it to the opposite. That's not fair. Just how is the reader supposed to figure it out then?

There are many ways to lay out the solve-it-yourself story. You don't always have to have the reader guess who the perp is. This week's story was presented with a fresh angle. We knew who did it. The question was did she cover her tracks well enough to fool the police?

As writers we often ask the reader to suspend disbelief a bit, but don't overdo it. Keep it as real as you can or you'll lose the reader.

If you have four suspects, have four good motives. Otherwise what's the point in having four suspects? It is almost a sin to have four suspects and not have even one decent red herring in the bunch. That's just a waste of words.

When the reader expects one situation, and gets another, that's really a form of a red herring. I expected a tired old theory and was given the surprise of a fresh twist. As the reader I was tricked...and that's a good thing.

When you reuse characters be sure to make them interesting and likable. Being cranky is not the same as being interesting. Be careful to not let one of them become mean. It's hard to like someone who calls people names and teases them about their not so glorious past.

Don't introduce a main character too late in the story. The reader feels cheated.

You don't always have to have police involved for a mystery to work. Be realistic if you are going to use animals in your story. Lassie wasn't real.

Write in more than one good motive. Two or three people could have done it, but only one has the means and opportunity to go with that motive.

I realize you only have 700 words to get in your story, but use every one of those words wisely. Don't repeat to fill the space. If your story is really done in 350 words, your story is too simple.

Try not to use the same old tired solutions. We're writers. Come up with something new and interesting. Treat the readers to a challenge. If I see one more muddy footprint on a white carpet...I'm going to hurt somebody.

Readers like to follow the same characters. Once you sell a mystery to WW, try building up a following by using the same police characters in future stories. Do us all a favor though... make them likable.

I know I'm repeating myself (talk about deja vu) but please try your very best to come up with a fresh twist or interesting solution that hasn't been done before. We want WW readers to LOVE this mystery page...not become bored with it.

Don't use too many names in your story. It just confuses the reader. The story this week handled this extremely well. You knew who you were reading about from the character's description. It all flowed well and never pulled the reader out of the story.

A short story is really just a very short novel. The same rules apply. Give us characters we will love and care about. Don't have them doing silly things.

Once again we have someone not acting right. Check your facts. Check your facts. Check your facts. Did I mention you should ALWAYS check your facts? Getting the details right should just be a given.

Make sure the solution makes sense. Common sense. Put yourself in their shoes. What would you do? Think? How would you act? Don't throw in a rotten fish just for smell.

Know the proper use of words. Men don't leer at each other -- generally. lol. Don't make up a silly details to fit your story line. Make sure everything works and people act in character.

UPDATE: Woman's World has changed their rights clause.

Q: It used to be WW had FNSR, first rights with a 6-month clause. Has that changed?

A: Yes. It used to be first serial rights which meant the magazine had the right to be the first place to publish the article/story/ poem in North America (USA and Canada) and after the piece ran, you were free to resell it to another medium or to package a collection of your work into a book.

However in 2014 Bauer Publishing has changed to this:

License to Bauer Publishing for User Content. You grant to Bauer Publishing the unrestricted, unconditional, non-exclusive, unlimited, worldwide, irrevocable, perpetual and royalty-free right and license to host, use, copy, distribute, reproduce, disclose, sell, re-sell, sub-license, display, perform, transmit, publish, broadcast, modify, reformat, translate, archive, store, cache or otherwise exploit in any manner whatsoever, all or any portion of your User Content for any purpose whatsoever in all formats; on or through any media, software, formula or medium now known or hereafter developed; and with any technology or devices now known or hereafter developed and to advertise, market and promote the same.

About Me

Following sixteen years as a travel agent (more travel than money) Jody Lebel switched gears, returned to school and became a court reporter (more money than travel). She swapped jetting off to fun and exotic locations for reporting the cases of murderers, rapists, and thieves who are, by the way, almost never in a good mood. Being assigned to the chief judge in Broward County exposed her to a wide spectrum of cases; from funny to tragic to bizarre to downright creepy. She has reported everything from a homeless guy who had jumped the turnstile on the Metrorail and was now in jail for not having a quarter, to the Tamiami Strangler, a serial killer who murdered six women. ******
Contact me at ladyrprter at aol dot com

Woman's World Info ...

In 1981, Heinrich Bauer Verlag of Hamburg, West Germany, one of Europe's largest magazine publishers, entered America's highly competitive women's service magazine field when it launched the weekly Woman's World. The magazine quickly set itself apart from the rest of the pack. Other women's magazines of the day were mostly thick slick tomes bursting with ads, and featuring articles geared to upwardly mobile readers. Woman's World, on the other hand, offered a high-quality tabloid-style format light on ads that was aimed at middle-class moms who wanted practical advice on food, fashion, parenting, and beauty and health tips. The public soon took notice. Woman's World quickly became the most popular weekly women's magazine in the country.

Today, Bauer Publishing USA, headquartered in Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey, is the number one seller of magazines on newsstands in the United States, generating an annual $320 million dollars in single copy revenue. It publishes two of the top five selling titles on the newsstand-Woman's World and In Touch Weekly. For several years running, Woman's World, a fixture at supermarket checkout stands everywhere, was the most popular newsstand magazine of any kind. As it celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2006, Woman's World remains the #1 selling women's publication on newsstands, selling more than 77 million copies in 2004. First for Women, another Bauer publication was second in sales with 25 million. Far back in the pack in third place was Woman's Day, with sales of 16 million newsstand copies.

Woman's World celebrated its 25th year on the newstands in 2006. This weekly publication is the number one newsstand seller with a yearly circulation of well over 84 million. Don't underestimate this little magazine. Woman's World is very popular with middle class women for many reasons. The price is nice, at $1.79 and it has very few ads and none of those annoying subscription cards inside. Every single page is jam packed with information and the romantic fiction and a solve-it-yourself mystery are a nice bonus. The features makes you feel good too.

Woman's World Fiction Guidelines

WOMAN'S WORLD FICTION GUIDELINES Mini mystery guidelines: We purchase short "solve-it-yourself" mysteries of 700 words--a count that includes the narrative and the solution. Stories should be cleverly plotted, entertaining cliffhangers that end with a challenge to the reader to figure out “whodunit” or “howdunit.” The solution to the mystery is provided in a separate box.Robbery, burglary, fraud and murder are acceptable subjects, but spare the readers any gory details or excessive violence, please! We are also not interested in ghost stories, science fiction or fantasy.We pay $500 per mystery and retain all rights after publication.IMPORTANT NOTES:Manuscripts should be double-spaced in legible size type.Where to send manuscripts:

If you have not previously been published by Woman's World magazine: Fiction@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention If you have had a romance or mini-mystery published by Woman's World:FictionPro@WomansWorldMag.com to Patricia Gaddis' attention

Get to know us: Please familiarize yourself thoroughly with our romances and mini mysteries before submitting your work.Be patient: Because we receive a tremendous volume of manuscripts, our turnaround time may range from one to three months. If you still have not heard from us after four months, feel free to submit your manuscript t another publisher. Please do not call or write us to inquire about a manuscript's status.

My track record --

I took Kate Willoughby's workshop on how to write for Woman's World magazine. I highly recommend it. Go to her blogspot site at womansworldstyle.blogspot.com for more info.

Then I sat down and wrote my first romance story for WW. That was in July 2012. It sold in November 2012 and appeared in the December 31st issue.