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Monday, 2 July 2012

Verbeeg - Like cows to the slaughter

‘Follow the mooing my friends for that way lies our freedom.’ - Osric

A cow. They become important to the story later.

The dockside tavern teemed with
people. The troubadour deftly navigated through the crowd till he reached a
table upon which he leapt. He then removed his feathered cap that he waved in
the air calling “Gather round good people. Come hear the latest exploits of the
West Wood Warriors.” Folk looked up from their cups and a crowd quickly
gathered eager to hear news.

“Will there be puppets?” asked an old
crone. “I like puppets.”

“Alas fair maiden, there shall be no
puppets, though my trained capuchin monkey shall accompany the tale with
music.” At that the troubadour’s monkey produced a tiny mandolin that it
strummed with a tuneless twang.

“The West Wood Warriors had returned
Lord Winthrop’s son from the clutches of a saucy Verbeeg shamaness. And yet the
slaying of the Verbeeg chieftain had not stopped their raids on our Northern
trade routes. The Verbeeg continued to raid feeling safe in their mountain
fortress. This would not stand. While the merchants begged the city to act it
fell upon our brave heroes to once again venture forth and teach these hulking
interlopers a lesson.”

The crowd that had gathered let out a
resounding cheer. The exploits of the West Wood Warriors proved popular fodder
for the bards of the city. Soon all eyes and ears in the tavern were turned
towards the troubadour.

“Once more they ascended the mountain
and entered through the entrance concealed by the blasphemous toad idol. Where
once moving the malevolent stone toad had proved troublesome, now it was a
simple task for Ugh.”

“Why’s that then?” asked the crone.
“I heard Ugh aint got much in the way of muscles despite being a son of an
orc.”

“It’s true my lady, that Ugh was once
considered scrawny but no longer. For he possessed gauntlets of ogre strength,
claimed as a reward for the rescue of Lord Winthrop’s son. And so he tossed
aside the stone toad idol and descended into the Verbeeg lair.”

“Once again the sneak Milgos crept
ahead like a stealthy alley cat. He approached a toad relief inscribed on which
was mysterious script which the learned human deciphered with ease.”

“I heard Milgos was an elf. And a
dark one at that.” again the crone called out.

“You are behind the times madam.
Milgos perished in dragon fire but his soul found a new receptacle in the body
of a human. As I was saying the scrawl about the toad relief instructed the
reader worship the toad in some fashion, which Milgos did by flicking a coin of
considerable worth at the portal. Much to his surprise the coin vanished within
the portal never to be seen again, claimed by some dark god. Ugh, known for his
impatience, approached the portal and began pushing and kicking it hoping to
reveal a secret door. An ominous rumble saw his companions scramble away but
not Ugh. The half orc continued to pound the wall till it amazingly vanished!
In its place was a torrent of grey murky water that now rushed over Ugh sending
him crashing into a shallow chasm. The torrent of water soon eased up and Ugh
was fished out from the chasm only to find that he had no recollection of who
he was or even why he was there.”

“He was there to fight Verbeeg!”
called out the crone.

“Which the band pointed out to their
amnesia struck companion. But it was for naught. The warrior was scared and
confused and wanted to go home. Osric the half elf struck on the plan to fool
the warrior into thinking that they would lead him out ‘back the way they had came.’ When in reality they would lead the
fighter deeper into the dungeon.”

“They skirted the terrible room full
of beetles both normal and fungal infected. These beetles waged an eternal
battle on the walls, floor and ceiling of the chamber. Osric’s surviving war
shrews took no interest in the feast before them knowing the insects to be
poisonous.”

Shrooms are both sentient and potentially tasty.

“Later, while Ugh heaved aside a
rusted portcullis, the group was assailed by mushroom men. Milgos the wise
webbed the fleshy shroom folk in place through eldritch sorceries and the band
set about peppering them with arrows. One by one the shroom men fell limp in
the web till their leader was all that remained. Here the tale becomes confused
as Ugh and Osric both swear that the final shroom offered an arrogant parley,
which he relayed through telepathy. As Milgos’ henchwoman Betty had not heard
the psychic treaty she continued to pepper the web creature with arrows till
Ugh and Osric heard its anguished psionic death scream. Loot was acquired and
Ugh had to be dissuaded from consuming the sentient shroom men.”

“While there were many unexplored
tunnels the group returned to the area in which they felt the Verbeeg laired. Verbeeg
guards soon met them. Once again Milgos tried to convince them of the presence
of an invisible deity. These Verbeeg were not to be shaken from their rock
worshipping faith and combat soon eventuated. In the narrow confines of the
tunnels the Verbeeg countered the bands numbers and inflicted grievous wounds
on Betty before falling. The bands priestess, Jana soon had the indomitable
warrior woman patched up and ready for more.”

Not long after they chanced upon a
lowing sound. Osric recognized it as cattle for he is a ranger and rangers now
the call of all animals, cows just so happened to be a really easy to
recognise. He relayed this critical information to the party ‘Follow the mooing my friends for that way
lies our freedom.’ Ignoring other avenues of exploration the party pressed
on towards the sound of cows and was rewarded for in a large hall they found
the herd. A grand fireplace dominated the hall. It was shaped like a toad with
its maw like hearth merrily blazing away. The toad’s eyes glistened in the
firelight and appeared to be valuable gems.

Then there was a hue and cry ‘Thieves! They are stealing our cows!’
Which was rich coming from the Verbeeg seeing as they mercilessly raided the trade
routes. Four fur-clad brutes came lumbering from an adjoining chamber and were
quickly crushed by the heroes. Ugh then went on to have a rich conversation
with the Verbeeg’s hounds but was unable to convince them to accompany him back
down the mountain. Milgos saw through the illusion of the toad fireplaces
glistening gem eyes. He then determined that the illusion was the trigger to an
elaborate crushing trap.”

“Imagine, dear audience, that you
were suddenly sealed in a room. Now initially there is plenty of room but you
share the space with a herd of nervous cattle. Now imagine that the walls are
slowly grinding their way inwards. The cattle become panicked and stampede in
the limited space available. You have to begin cutting them down to avoid being
trampled. While you do this space becomes more and more limited. Cramped, you
struggle in vain to find a way out. But your avarice, your seizing the
illusionary gem, has sealed your fate. The walls crash together crushing your
bones to jelly, your flesh to paste. We are indeed fortunate dear listeners
that our heroes did not trigger this trap.”

“Having inflicted another sound
thrashing upon their Verbeeg foes the band set forth down the mountain, for
indeed the grand cow hall had served as an entrance to the Verbeeg lair. Our
heroes returned once more to our fair city.” And with the tale told the crowd
returned to their cups though many a coin found its way into the troubadours
feathered cap that the capuchin monkey proffered to the crowd while his master busied
himself with a well-deserved ale.