Having a really difficult time recently

I just joined this forum and am really thankful that such a wonderful community exists. I only came to the awareness that I'm an empath a few years ago but I think it's helped to explain a lot that's happened over the years.

Right now I'm going through a really difficult time. Like so many others here, all my life I have attracted toxic people both in friendships and relationships-people who would just think nothing aboit discarding me and others once they had gotten bored. My last relationship was with a narcissist almost old enough to be my father. I was really lucky to get out of that relationship be cussed he almost destroyed me. It never turned into physical abuse but the emotional abuse was quite bad. One of the most hurtful things he ever said to me which still goes around in my head is that if I had kids they would "look lime gremlins". He also made out that I was trouble and a nuisance and that he was one of the only people who understood me.

Fast forward to 2 years later and I'm still trying to heal from the relationship and just feeling disillusioned with life. I've isolated myself so much and don't want to be around anyone anymore for fear of being hurt. I'm in my 30s but already feel old and that it's too late to start overy.

I'm in therapy and it has helped but it's the loneliness and heaviness of life i just can't cope with. Always being the listening ear for others but nobody ever being there in turn.

You know the cool thing is...life can & regularly does, change on a dime! You are young & there is SO much more for you...later, you will look back & be grateful for your attention to healing & remaining open for all the wonderful things life has in store for you!!! Happy New Year

these are just two of whom I know, there are others out there. If you want to really recover, you need to get help from someone who specialized in treating narcissitic abuse - normal therapy is not sufficient. There is a reason why you fell for that guy initially and you have to have a look at that, as painful as it may be.

Hi. I don't know how far you are in your learning about your empathedness, nor what you do to help yourself during these trying times. Nor what you understand about what is actually going on in the energy world. I read your post and the 1st thing that came to my mind was....you need to change your wording. He hurt you very much but he did NOT break you. You are so much stronger than that guy. He's the weak one, NOT you. Also there is also another way to help heal yourself. This man is a narcissist. At the energy level he's still connected to you. When we are in a relationship or even meeting someone for the first time we connect to them via energy cords. They join us to one another at the energy level. Some of the cords will fall away after a time, while others must be removed manually. When I first found out about this I gave myself a HUGE clearing of these cords. We call it root work or cutting cords. This man is a narcissist so his cord will still be attached to you and you must now remove it. His cord will be draining you of energy and sending you his own icky energy. You must pull it out by the root or it will keep returning. This will stop the transfer of his energy to you and speed up your own healing process. Then you have to close the wound it leaves behind. Either patch it up or sew it up. Others will fill the wound with light. But my visualization zucks so I tie it up. That energy cord is why it's taking you so long to heal. Also you probably have 't cleared yourself of any cords at all so there will be others that are transferring energy and emotions that are not really yours at all. Once you do this work you will find that it gets much quieter and you will discover just how much of you own thinking and feelings really isn't you at all. If you want to read up on this just Google 'cutting cords of attatchment'...and welcome ...it's always nice to have new people to help 😀 one more thing. In all the stuff you will read about cord cutting they will tell you to CUT the cord. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to PULL the cord out by its roots. Cutting the cord will let it grow back. It must be completely pulled out, the wound disinfected and sewn or patched up. He may try to reattach so you must be aware and take steps to remove anything that comes back. And remove your own cord from him...by the root. That way you cover all bases. Don't bother to close his wound...he can do it himself.

I totally understand what you are going through as I went through it. If you ever want to talk about this offline, you can PM here. I was engaged to a man who I thought at that time destroyed me. I lost everything. Moved back in with my parents with $100 in my pocket, gained 50 lbs, furniture gone, any other "stuff" gone, heart shattered, confidence gone, and no job. He was emotionally abusive and got physical once. I had gained some weight over the years (which I learned now was the PCOS) and he would call me fatty, porky, fat princess. And amongst others. He cheated, and the list just goes on. For years I could not get over this and blamed myself, and I also felt it was too late to start over and getting past my time for kids. I finally saw a therapist who discussed what an empath was. I always had this my whole life, just never knew what it was and I thought others had it.

Back to this ex of yours. He clearly has issues on him and put it on you. My ex did that all the time. No responsibility or any kind of accountability did they take on their own "stuff" It's them not you, and your worth is beyond it. As an empath, these situations due seem to be more difficult, but can overcome.

It took me many years to get passed it and one day, no joke, I woke up and said enough. My worth is not based on this man and it is about me, not him, and I refused to live life or try to rebuild it with him in the shadows. I knew who I really was deep down, and this wasn't me. I then listened to my therapist and learned alot of being an empath, found this group, learned about cutting chords, etc. Bottom line, you will have so much more in life than you would with him. My confidence came back the more I learned about being an empath and who I really am.
I learned how to do things alone, as you can imagine my "friends" left me to rot, as how I saw it. I was no use to them that broken. It gave me time to myself to learn this whole new world. When I got better, they came back, sucked me dry and left.
This cycle happened alot. Rinse and repeat. Then another phase recently of going about this alone happened. However, that is when I learned I'm not "really" alone. Neither are you. You have guides and Angel's, and everyone her at EC. I also have my cat, who is still with me through all that. He has had multiple times to run away lol, but he always runs into my arms Now, I have things in life I want to do, and if someone comes along, great join the ride! But if they drop one ounce of negativity, point them to the door. Same for any friends.
Finding others like us that vibrate high and feel alot, are out there. I have picked up a few on this ride of life, and you will too I'm happy with those quality of friends

@womanwhowalks talks of removing energetic cords of attachment by the roots. Men tend to connect to women's 2nd chakra and women tend to connect to men's heart chakra....We all send cords of attachment and send many cords from our 3rd chakra.

Eventually you'll have to use @crystalsage advice; if not, your feelings will play hell with your health and mental state...I know, I'm still there trying to find the strength and believe the reasons to do the work. I'm in a very sick situation with my son who drinks and becomes violent. I find myself stuck due to finances and ill health. This is all after randome violence I experienced in my 50s...I just didn't have an environment to go to where I could/can heal. So, please take care of yourself while you can.

This won't be a one time thing; there are many layers to healing. This is a method which pertains to crystalsage's advice; it's called F.O.A.L.
F.O.A.L. – is a method for the transmutation of stored trauma allowing you to operate from joy.

F – Feel

O – Observe

A – Accept

L – Love

So, as you’re breathing, FEEL. Let yourself feel whatever it is you are feeling right now without judgment—physically, emotionally, energetically, even mentally, because the mental body really interacts with the feeling state—so just notice and identify, and feel as you breathe. (Take as long as you need here, breathing, to allow yourself to fully feel what it is you are accessing).

And now OBSERVE. Observe yourself in the moment of your feeling state. And that observational aspect of you sits in your heart chakra and all throughout your light body. Feel that observational aspect of you there right now. You may feel it in other places at different times but we really first want to make sure that when you activate your observational ability you’re feeling that both within your physical body and then also accessing your observational technology—your 5D consciousness really—within your auric field, your light body field, your 5th dimensional chakra system, your energetic matrix, whatever terms you want to use that work for you.

So you’re FEELING and OBSERVING yourself within the feeling state, which is really now you’ve got your 3D identity and your 5D identity fully active, awakened, working together in conjunction; individuated and blended at the same time. And you’ll notice as you’re observing whatever it is you’re feeling, that as soon as you begin to observe, the feeling state lightens just a bit because in that moment you begin to shift out of the density of your 3D experience and into the higher vibrational experience that is the 5D experience.

So, you OBSERVE and then you ACCEPT. Both aspects of yourself accept you exactly as you are. And it helps your 3D self so much to be able to step into acceptance by having your 5D consciousness active and online, because the 5D consciousness is always in a state of self acceptance, which then allows the 3D aspect, the Ego Self, to open up to that kind of self acceptance as well.

So here you are ACCEPTING yourself as LOVE Incarnate exactly as you are which allows for an automatic activation of Unconditional LOVE that you might feel running in your system right now like a hum or a buzz, or just a soft, warm feeling. And that unconditional love automatically replicates itself and transmits itself to any version of you in any moment in time and space that needs it, any version of you that is related to the particular feeling state that you were working with, and any and every version of you that needs it in any way, shape and form anyway, because that unconditional love, as you transmit it now, does not stay specific to the particular feeling state that you started with in the exercise. It goes where it needs to go.

And your mental body, your 3D consciousness, doesn’t need to know where it’s going. It doesn’t need to try to gather that information. That will limit the experience. So this is where your 3D mental body just opens up, and relaxes and breathes, and that allows you to easily and effortlessly activate the vibratory rate of Joy in your chakra system.
----------------------@tigerlily Your post struck a cord with me. I'm in a very bad jam and I feel very much alone. The problem with the soul is that it merely looks for experience, good or bad it just learns for the next trip back to the physical. When you are so down, it's difficult to hear or feel one's guides. I do the work when I'm alone and can raise my vibes only to have that come crashing down when my son comes home.

He doesn't have to drink
but a couple of beers for him to become violent. I feel he has an entity attachment. When he was young, he had a shadow entity pester him. Of course it only came around when I wasn't with him.

Monday, we met with an indigenous shaman (my son actually agreed to do this) and he said he will work with my son. For me he is going to contact a medicine woman
to work with me, due to the nature of my trauma.

Now in the midst of all this going on, we are having legal issues and I'm afraid I'll loose my home. My central nervous system is so damaged that just to try and think of all this, my body starts to shake,
my brain goes into overload and I get sick
with histamine levels going through the roof.
I hate them but if I could do meds to calm myself, I would..I have high sensitivty to them and they would cause more of what they're supposed to mask. I know, I tried them for 6 months and they made me much worse.

So, you went through a complete loss of all you knew. When you were in the midst of it all, how
did you connect with guides and angels. How did you get through the fog?

Thank you all so much for your kind and insightful responses. I have only had a chance to log on here today and will take the time this evening to read through them all. You have all been very helpful thanks

There are many different levels of healing and they are all connected....feeling pain up to a point is good...but if pain is not being healed then you have to look further...removing the cords and roots to other humans will help heal you at the energy level...that's where I look for all problems now....roots can be found through out your aura/energy field. I found quite a few in mine....and not all from current relationships. I found some from past lives, also from people from my current childhood that were deeply embedded in my head...there was a very large one in my head. I saw some hand come forward in my vision and suddenly they grabbed something attached to my head and pulled. It was so amazing and awful at the same time because the pain was bad. And where that root was , was a big hole. It took a bit of doing but I got it closed. And a lot of my energy returned. So look all over your energy. I pulled and pulled and it took me quite a while to figure all this out. But healing yourself goes way deeper than you think. Sometimes talking about it isn't enough. It's good but not enough.

may I ask you a (perhaps stupid 😅) noob-question: how do you identify the cords that need to be removed? Or discern "bad" cords from healthy ones? what do you do if the root doesn't come out?

I only know this in the way of: going outside, finding a suitable stick or piece of wood, breaking it and throwing it away. does this have the same effect? (although it is only useful if you know which bond you want to cut)

Your energy is an extension of your body...it surrounds you...anything caught in your energy or soul body will eventually start to transfer some kind of sensation to your physical body. There are a few ways you can start your journey of root removal. But it's all about practicing being aware of what's in your energy and how it all works. The roots will come out. Sit or lie quietly and think of the person you are wanting to remove. Go through your memories and feel what those memories do. After a time you will feel pain or a sensation somewhere in your physical body that resonates with the memory. That is where the root is. You grab the root and pull. Those roots will be healthy. They belong to someone else and its causing damage to you in some way. They don't need to be there. It won't hurt anyone to remove them. They will always come back when you talk or see that person. But in the meantime you will be able to rest and stop the transfer of their pain and life to you. I'm a claraudient. I hear what's in energy so perhaps it's easier for me to tell what I'm looking for and it's the only technique that helped quiet my head. I also like to use Crystal's. I'll place a crystal on an area I'm feeling pain and 'see' what's causing the problem. I'll get flashes of memory or have a dream after I release the energy causing the pain. The whole point is to clear your own energy of the build up of these cords so as to identify yourself amidst the noise. If you are not a claraudient and you don't think its relevant then don't worry about it. But this technique can be used by anyone and is quite simple once you get the hang of it. And it will help identify yourself, your own pain from those being transferred to you through those energy cords/connections.