builder of narrative, drawer of real and imagined objects, investigator of self

When You Write A Cover-All Post On All The Things You Didn’t Write About

The following is a list of thinks that I haven’t given myself a chance to write about. Though they all deserve their own post, this may be the only way to get any of this out. These are definitely fragments. Maybe I’ll build upon them another time.

There are too many of them:

1.

Decided to be more proactive in my life, attempting to do things, rather than just talking about them. This came from learning more about the law of attraction and the insight that “action” is required. I think there is something to be said about putting energy or physical force into the space surrounding us that allows any sort of change to take place. Now that I’m putting myself forward more often and thinking (read: over-analyzing) less, I’m finding a greater ease and fluidity in my life. This is a welcomed change.

2.

I’ve been mostly silent on Donald Trump being elected as president. I did not go to any of the protests during the weeks and now month after his inauguration. Though I did not join those crowds, I’ve had many tough discussions with friends and family, learned about perspectives and values those close to me have held, but have never spoken. These discussions and arguments have been intimate and charged. They have a way of opening a person up. For better or for worse.

I’m conflicted about whether the things I am doing are enough to contribute to resisting his platform built on fear-mongering and hatred. My art has changed. My writing has changed. But this is what I’m doing right now. I want to do more. The next four years are just getting started.

3.

In the coming months, I’ll be finishing my second year living in Philadelphia. I’m no longer able to use “I just moved here” or “Well, I’ve only lived in Philly for a couple months, so I’m still kind of figuring things out.” Something along these lines has functioned as a fallback for a great deal of my time here.

This June, I’ll be simultaneously celebrating the completion of my MFA as well as actually moving to the city. Those two events happened within a day of each other. I built that into my personal narrative, telling myself that a steep transition would come with burdens and advantages. What I didn’t know was what form those changes would come and what my life would look like two years later.

4.

I’m attempting to take my body back.

When I was still living in Ohio, I ate fast food quite frequently and drank soda nearly every day. Those two things alone aren’t necessarily harmful by themselves, but during that time I wasn’t active. My life mostly consisted of waking up, driving to work, sitting at work, coming home and watching tv or being on the computer.

When I first moved to Philly, I didn’t have money for public transportation and parking was a pain as far as I could tell. So I walked everywhere I went and learned the city. Usually 3-4 miles a day on a routine day. Now I can afford public transportation, but I ride my bike as the weather warms. I watch what I’m eating and save soda for a rare rum and coke.

5.

I was going to write a fifth point, but I’m becoming exhausted. I’m going to keep up on my writing. While I’m not always certain where my life is heading, I have confidence in my decisions and trust in my insights. This is one of the great strengths I’ve discovered in myself. One that hasn’t come easily.