Archives For
tea

I drank a bottle of Bawls over 14 hours ago. I should have been asleep a few hours ago. Never doing that again.

When I was younger, I compensated for my over-thinking and sensitivity. I wore myself out in mind and body so I could rest, because if I don’t, I can hear cars from afar, and people breathing in the apartment below me, and ice hardening in the freezer, and if nothing else, just a constant ringing in my ears from a deafening silence.

Now I listen to Susan and Clover breathing, or I think about how I will leverage my privilege to help someone today. I accept it, let it flow through me. I still use tea to blow the fuzz out of my brain, and I know that after three pots, I am really, really happy. But I can get to sleep before the sun rises on the next day, even after that much tea.

The last week has been tough. About 18 months ago I started practicing daily routines. And about 8 months ago I went from being a full-time caregiver to a full-time webcrafter. However, I was able to keep my routine because I stilled stayed at home, and I was able to adjust it over time.

This recent move through me for a loop, but Susan talked some sense into me, and made me realize that I needed to grab on to something again, to navigate this new environment.

I practice what I called structured flexibility. I could, and should, write a lot about it, but the basic premise is that I try to be unattached to most ideas or habits*, so I can react with intention when people need help. I discourage clients from unplanned work, but I also specialize in web disaster relief. If my tribe is in need, I can make things happen, because those occurrences happen with an infrequency that make it easy to deal with one crisis at a time. The structured part comes from the forethought of not over-committing myself on emotionally taxing situations, and to my routines.

Moving is very emotional, and if not for folks in general, then for me in particular. It is basically one mini-crisis after another, and it had exhausted me to the point of forgetting to eat or drink.

I am coming out the other end of that now, having my expectations being met (really, just internet access at home, and deciding to continue my caffeine addiction**).

On the bright side, Clover seems to be doing really well. All the parents(!) told us that if we got a larger space we would use it, which is an experiential thing that didn’t make sense to me. Clover runs around, something that wasn’t really possible in the tiny cottage. It is a privilege that I don’t take for granted. We also just switched out our stroller and car seat for larger versions, so I guess there is a lot of change, for all of us.

I am lucky to have Susan here to ground me in my walkabout in maiki-brain. ^_^

*That is a loaded statement, and can’t be explained here without muddling the topic of this post. I do have attachments, though.
** I get headaches if I haven’t had a cup of tea within the last day. It is common, but it worries me.

I’ve embarked on a new part of my tea journey, loose-leaf. Susan got me a tea ball for infusion. I’ve resisted because I am lazy, but now that I have a place where I work consistently, I can have the equipment available.