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Topic Review (Newest First)

05-07-2013 10:04 AM

whitehawk

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by cisco7931

I'm at a stage right now of confusion if I still want to give it a shot or not. My wife has moved on tremendously fast and she said (I knew through mutual friends) that she has been hanging on for dear life for the past 3 years and I didnt even know...

I have those days of "Yes, I will do anything and try until I die to get her back and save the marriage", and "Hell no, unless she stops stepping on my dignity I wont"...

There are also days that I'm not even sure if I want to go back even if she wants to...

This may just be a phase of separation that we all need to go through...

Ours is a month long now and it is getting easier everyday for me... I guess I just have to make that one decision with no turning back.

That bs makes me that fkg angry , she says you didn't even know .
Notice when it's them - faking it , not talking to us about how they're feeling, we're suppose to have known.

But if they can't figure us out - it's because we won't talk about it.
So were in the wrong for not talking about it and for not reading their minds and signals but when they can't do that with us - it's still our fault.
Dunno how many effing times I've read that.

05-07-2013 01:33 AM

Now and forever

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

My H and I were were together for 19 yrs married 12. We were best friends. Never fought. He had a very hard stressful year last year. Work. Loss of pets. I ca,e go,e from work on the 12/1 and he told me he wanted to seperate. Since that day he has been shut off. There is no other woman. After six weeks of trying to live with him. I had to leave our home. He is angry at me for leaving, but he was telling me he did love me and he did not want to get back together. He turnt 40. He will not talk to me and will not return messages. For the first 8 weeks I begged and pleaded with him to talk. But he would only get angry. Wouldn't return messages. This is a man who had never raised his voice before, couldn't talk to friends and family without getting defensive and angry. I had a nervous breakdown. Four weeks afo i decided to rake some time off work and fo away for some time away to let the dust settle and I have not heard from him at all. And I have not attempted to contact him. It's been 4 months since separation. There is still no other woman. His sister just tells me he is being very quiet and just working. Spiritually I feel that this is not over and he is just on a journey. So hurt and confused.

03-28-2013 11:08 AM

gssteve

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

we have been separated for 3 months now with a 2 yr old son. it hurts so bad that my fiance doesn't want to reconcile at the moment. I took a better paying job (not what i wanted), about to close escrow on a home, switched to a less expensive car, and gave up a lot for her and my son. It's like she turned cold completely after being so excited about moving out of in laws. There's no OM i know for sure. i want my family together and raise our son....

03-10-2013 06:59 AM

Solon

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Love the success stories!! Keep them going.

Quote:

Originally Posted by daisygirl 41

I also did this, it didn't go down well with some of the TAM crowd and won't work for every situation but I knew if I didn't continue to show H love and acceptance despite the pain I endured I knew it would just push him further away.
Just be careful and try not to let yourself open to any more hurt and neglect
For me it worked, H and I have been reconciled for neat a year now and we have both continued with the changes and the positive steps to ensure out marriage is (almost) bulletproof.
Good luckPosted via Mobile Device

03-07-2013 07:11 AM

daisygirl 41

Quote:

Originally Posted by RonHanh

What you did here is exactly the strategy that Mort Fertel endorses in his Marriage Fitness program which is basically this: change yourself to address the issues about yourself that led to the separation meanwhile showing your spouse unconditional love. I'm in the program now and it is the hardest thing I've ever done since my wife is obstinate and doesn't want to work on the marriage. But I'm finding inspiration in the bible and Mort's program -- hopefully my ending will be as happy as yours.

I also did this, it didn't go down well with some of the TAM crowd and won't work for every situation but I knew if I didn't continue to show H love and acceptance despite the pain I endured I knew it would just push him further away.
Just be careful and try not to let yourself open to any more hurt and neglect
For me it worked, H and I have been reconciled for neat a year now and we have both continued with the changes and the positive steps to ensure out marriage is (almost) bulletproof.
Good luckPosted via Mobile Device

03-06-2013 10:13 AM

hibiscus

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by anapple

I left my HB for 1yr

were still working on it

working it out for our son because we both grew up in a broken home and we never want our child to go threw that and also we still love each other and want to make this marriage work

Hope it works out for you

03-05-2013 10:09 PM

anapple

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I left my HB for 1yr

were still working on it

working it out for our son because we both grew up in a broken home and we never want our child to go threw that and also we still love each other and want to make this marriage work

02-25-2013 09:55 PM

RonHanh

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by yourbabygirl

After 3 months, 5 days, and 8 hours -- MY husband has decided to come back and be with me forever.

I hated everything about the separation and there wasn't a single moment that I didn't wish I have my husband back. I didn't want to do the 180 -- I CAN'T. I just missed him so badly.

And so instead of moving on, I did the opposite. I showed him more love and affection than before, I showed him that I have changed and I'm just purely loving him with no expectations in return. It wasn't easy. Most of the time, he would just floor me and tell me that he doesn't love me and ask me to leave him alone. There was even a point when he doesn't even want to be friends - he was being a jerk just so I leave him alone.

But I didn't. I CAN'T... I kept faith. I just continued to show him that I love him.

Yesterday, we had a serious talk and YES -- he is coming back!! :smthu mbup:

So, it's really possible.. I wouldn't advise this to everyone else, because it's truly not easy and there are people who just wants to move on with their lives and find someone else. But in case, you really love your partner and you are willing to take this path, then I would say that it's truly worth all of it...

What you did here is exactly the strategy that Mort Fertel endorses in his Marriage Fitness program which is basically this: change yourself to address the issues about yourself that led to the separation meanwhile showing your spouse unconditional love. I'm in the program now and it is the hardest thing I've ever done since my wife is obstinate and doesn't want to work on the marriage. But I'm finding inspiration in the bible and Mort's program -- hopefully my ending will be as happy as yours.

02-25-2013 06:01 PM

Kaya62003

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by hibiscus

The fact that my partner was consistently remorseful. He is doing whatever he can to reassure me that he is committed.. Shows compassion and understanding when I am in pain, willing to do councelling, pays me a lot of attention, tals about his shame and regret for cheating on me. All of this helped me to decide to give him a chance

I wish you luck!

02-25-2013 01:47 PM

hibiscus

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lazarus

1) How long were you apart before reconciling?

Separated five months till we reconciled properly. Before that we tried four times but it didn't work because I was too emotional, too angry to forgive him. I would bring him back into my life and then dump him a few weeks later.

2) Is the reconciliation a success or still working on it?

We are still working on it but its blossoming. Its been 3 months since we are in R and We now have many days when we laugh and joke together (like the old times). I never thought we could bond again as I thought the damage was too great. But I was wrong. There is still a lot of work to be done. Still not over

3) What triggered reconciliation?

The fact that my partner was consistently remorseful. He is doing whatever he can to reassure me that he is committed.. Shows compassion and understanding when I am in pain, willing to do councelling, pays me a lot of attention, tals about his shame and regret for cheating on me. All of this helped me to decide to give him a chance

When my wife first moved out 8years ago, she was gone 6months, it took around 4months before she was willing to try.

But 8years ltr she has left again n is now divorcing me

09-23-2012 11:32 PM

Tinkerbell24

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

Before you take your spouse back... man or woman.... make sure you are willing to live with what they have done and have been doing while you were apart. It's not gonna go away or get easier to deal with so make sure.... 100% for sure![/QUOTE]

Totally agree with the above. My husband and I have been separated for just over a year now (it was my choice to leave) and he has been in another country the past 6 months (due back in November) and I know that there is A LOT of stuff I have to work through before I can take him back especially because he has had physical relationships with other women since the break up.

05-20-2012 02:11 AM

yourbabygirl

Re: How long were you apart before reconciling?

I know this thread isn't very active but I'm so happy for those who have reconciled. I wish that I could post here a happy story of my own soon. It's been a while since H left again, but instead of counting how long it has been, I look forward and thank that each day is one day closer to that grand reconciliation.

I know this is just a TEMPORARY setback for us.

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