Maura Kelly Mad Libs: Marie Claire “Fatties” Edition

Probably not. Furthermore, I wouldn’t be surprised if either, a) Maura Kelly’s editor knew exactly what would happen in response to Maura’s fat hating post, and let it slip through anyway so Marie Claire could enjoy the hub-bub; or b) Maura Kelly’s editor planned this whole thing with Maura’s cooperation, in order to generate publicity.

Whatever the case, the bottom line is that hatred was created, and Marie Claire is responsible for spreading it.

Marie Claire elected to send negativity out into the world.

Marie Claire made a choice to make other human beings feel something other than peace or bliss.

I consider that reprehensible.

How do these editors live with themselves?

Maybe they should just stick to blathering on about the best deals in strappy sandals and leave the social commentary to women who think.

And now, for all you fatties out there who need your exercise, here’s one, created with love by me.

SHOULD [insert adjective describing a group of people your Glenn Beck-loving grandmother fears] PEOPLE GET A ROOM?

(Note: the adjective you used in the title will be your “original adjective”.)

The other day, my editor asked me, “Do you really think people feel uncomfortable when they see [insert original adjective] people making out on television?”

While I think our country’s obsession with [insert positive quality that your grandmother doesn’t believe these feared people possess] is unhealthy, I also think it’s at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting [insert original adjective]! No one who is as [insert adjective that represents a negative stereotypical belief about the group of people classifed by your original adjective] as Mork and Mindy can be morally virtuous. And being [insert original adjective] is costing our country far more in terms of all the related problems we are paying for than any other problem, even cancer.

So anyway, yes, I think I’d be grossed out if I had to watch two [insert original adjective] characters kissing each other … because I’d be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it [insert synonym for “displeasing”] to watch a very, very [insert original adjective] person simply walk across a room — just like I’d find it distressing if I saw a very [insert adjective that describes a supposedly socially unacceptable behavior that people engage in all the time anyway] person stumbling across a [insert place where that behavior routinely takes place] or a [insert name of an addictive substance] addict [insert description of an act that represents a total lack of usefulness in society].

Now, don’t go getting the wrong impression: I have a few friends who could be called [insert cute synonym for your original adjective]. I’m not some [insert the name used to mean prejudice of the group represented by your original adjective] jerk. And I also know how tough it can be for truly [insert a “gentle” alternative to your original adjective] people to psych themselves up to reverse their [insert original adjective]ness.

But … I think being [insert original adjective] is something that most people have a ton of control over. It’s something they can change, if only they put their minds to it.

What do you guys think? [Insert original adjective] people making out on TV — are you cool with it? Do you think I’m being an/a [insert crass adjective for stupidity] [insert nasty name]?

By Kim Brittingham , Author of “Read My Hips: How I Learned to Love My Body, Ditch Dieting and Live Large”, coming in Spring 2011 from Random House.

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