Tosca (Puccini – )Gerrit Theule – Painter captured by a cop. Rape a singer? She yells “stop”! Cop? He dies. Singer: “flies!” Tenor tricked in his demise.John Pitcher – An opera singer’s misstep is put to good use by the Napoleonic propaganda machine who turn her into a celebrated martyrE Wurzbach – bang,hide,found,Mario,Mario,Mario,jealous,wet kiss,she will to his will,love,art,torture,Palmieri,sharp kiss,bang,O Sacrpia,splatIrene Vartanoff – EscapedPrisonerJealousGirlfriendEnviousSacristanSadisticCop/Torture meIWon’tTalk/She told?I’mDoneButLifeIsSoBeautifulDavid Karlin – The chief of police has been stabbed. Round up the usual suspects.

P Schleuse – Flying Leap Off Rampart In Ardor. Talk Of Scarpia’s Celestial Appointment.Sam Neuman – Multitasking diva juggles art criticism, recital, hostage negotiations, murder – and still finds time for aria of self-pityOperanuts – The usual schmaltz. The tenor is ardent, the soprano sings, the baritone is evil. This time only the shepherd boy survivesPattyoboe – Whoa, he sure faked well in front of that firing squad. Oh. Wait. Guess I’ll take a flying leap.Otter house – From Operastar to Jackaaaaahhhhhsssss ! (boink) Scarpia chairs the jury …

Mere Foix – A boink in the church! No wonder everyone gets killed (or killed themselves) in the end.Alejoplay – You touch my lover and Imma gonna have to cutchu, even though I’m a good Catholic girl into (the) Madonna.R Lowen BVT – There was a performer named Tosca So fine she deserved many Oscas Scarpia came by & tortured her guy & now they’re in a sepulchreEnsemble King – artist <3 famous singer T., cop <3 T. also, cop kills artist, T. kills cop, T. kills herself but priest lives happily ever afterRenegade Oboe – Tosca’s lova hides-a prisona. She’s-a betraya, he’s-a-rrested. Tosca plans-a bold escape, but in the end a fall she takes-a

Dumbledad – 3 acts. Key character from Act 1 not seen again. In Act 2 main baddie dies. PLOT FAIL. Quick recover: fake fake death then deathIrene Vartanoff – I love it when women resist me./Arrgh. /I’m dead, but I’ve still got a nasty surprise for you./ See you in hell, b****.Fab4favefan – Kinky police chief wants to kill artist to possess diva. All die.

Un Ballo MascheraThos Carpenter – Let’s all try to figure out why the King of Sweden was assassinated in Boston. I think it has something to do with the censors.Pattyoboe – It won’t end well; U love your friend’s wife. He will find out & you’ll lose your life but 1st pardon is given; all is forgiven

Vanessa (Barber – )Nate Bach – Says he loves her then sees her face… sleeps with her daughter instead. Daughter knows he’s a creep. He runs off with mom

WertherJohn Pitcher – Unrequited love and poor firearm safety leads an Emo to suicide. Basically a song by The Smiths except with fewer laughs.Patty Andreu – She’s getting married and I want to die. One month later: She is married and I want to die. Christmas time: Ok, I’m dead.Prima la musica – Unrequited lover’s talent for maudlin poetry is dwarfed by his spectacular gift for RUINING Christmas.Shevinka – German panthiest seeks dutiful angel for reve, extase, bonheur & complicity in suicide (mine). Singles need not apply.

Writing To VermeerHenri Drost – Let’s all write letters to a Dutch painter

Wozzeck (Berg – )Patrick Swanson – Everyone is so mean to me/I have strange visions=Gotta kill mother of my child. How does one get blood out? *glurg*David Weininger – Soldier, kind of a shlub, is abused & experimented on. Girlfriend cheats, of course. Goes bonkers, kills girl, and drowns – nu?Frindley – Brutalised Soldat leads a dissonant existence; stabs inconstant mistress; only saved from serial crime by accidental drowningM Buchanan – Shave the captain and eat some peas for the doctor – what’s the worst that could happen! … ahh, I see … time for a swimBeth1170 – Wife’s a whore, cheats with drummajor. Better a knife in her belly than my hands on her. OK, enjoy your knife. Oops I’m drowning

Xerxes (Handel – )Bloody Mortimer – transgender monarch serenades shrub. no one really cares what happens after that. general mincing about. somewhere in persia.Pattyoboe – If he’d stuck to loving his tree instead of wanting me there wouldn’t be three acts of misery. At least it all ends happily.