Moving across the country can be a big move for anyone, but being a small town boy and moving to a big city like Las Vegas is an Enormous move for me! Here I want to document what its like for a small town gay boy to move to a big city. I want to share my experiences with dating, culture, and the path to finding who I am as a gay man!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Not really sure where to start, but I guess its always good to start at the beginning. I understand I have stopped writing, but I am again going to try and fix that. To begin, me and Carrie are no longer talking. Events happened; some my own fault, others not, that have split us up. This was a traumatic blow to me. I have known her for 9 years now, and to not have her in my life is hard. This happened maybe a month ago, or a month and a half. Since then, I have tried to deal with the depression that I have been in for quite some time now. Depression is not a good friend to have around. It molds you into someone new. I am no longer as depressed as I was, but its still there.

Now, for dating, there has been a general lack of dating in my life. I have gone on a few dates, and for about a month or so I was seeing a 20 year old. The sex was great, but we really didn't have much to talk about. He was interested in doing drag, and I just can't see myself dating a drag queen. No offense to the queens out there. I do love you all, and one of my best friends is a drag queen. But dating wise, I just don't think I can do it. Other men have come into and out of my life as well. I guess I am just conceding to adage that the dating scene here sucks. But, I do like to recant that statement by asking, "Show me a place where the dating scene IS GOOD." I am not saying that all men are horrible. I am just stating that dating here can be difficult.

For instance, while at work one day, (and I was not looking too cute by the way!) a young man cashing a check asked me to come and visit him at his work. He works at one of the local gay bars in town. Sweet guy, cute, funny! He had that child like quality in him that I admire! So, after much consideration, I decided to go see him at work. He flirted, smiled, asked if I was single! Seemed like it was going well! Then he informs me he kinda has a boyfriend.... His words were, "I'm in transition".... Oh, well then. How nice for you. Thank you for wasting my time. Here I thought you liked me, but no... You just wanted customers to come to your bar! Hence, dating here is hard.

So, to the present. I am still working for the check cashing/payday loan company. I am an assistant manager now at the closest payday loan company to the strip. We really get to see many interesting people, and its a fun store to work at! We like to say that our store is an HR disaster waiting to happen.

This past weekend was Halloween, which is actually a religious holiday for me! Halloween is the Wiccan New Year. So, I went out and had some fun. I had an OK time. I started at a warehouse party in the warehouse district, which was alright. I then moved to Charlies and met up with Co-Workers. Me and one of my close friends and Co-Workers then went to Funhog Ranch. Funhog has become one of my normal places to go when out. It is basically just a bar. No dancing, no shows. Just a bar to hang out at and be with friends! The next night, the Co-Workers and I met down at Fremont Street. It was crazy down there, and we had a blast! Again, me and the Co-Worker ended up going to Funhog. My friend picked up two guys and we went to 777 Inside the Hard Rock Hotel. It was a fun night, but I ended up alone, like normal. So there, you are all up to date! Hope to be writing more often!

Monday, March 22, 2010

It has taken some time, but I must officially admit to myself that its over. Bob and I have broken up... It happened about two weeks ago. We went to watch Valentines Day, and afterwords we each went home. We started talking on facebook, and after about half an hour, we mutually broke up.

At the time, it seemed all well and good. But after about a week, I realized I was single again. Its just like me to get so worked up over not being alone anymore, that it takes recovery time for me to realize that I am indeed, alone again. I don't know why or how, but it always burns inside of me when I'm single.

Now, my feelings are not without my angers towards relationships as well. At this current moment, I am fighting a battle. One side of me does not wish to be in a relationship. Hard work seems to never pay off. And most men are just crazy. They always judge you, and make you seem less than you are. And dating is expensive, and hard on the waste line! And then there is the idea of love, and how crazy we get just to have it! Or, when we are in love, how crazy we act! Some people will change their entire lives in order to be with the person they love, then loose it all. How is this healthy? How can, mentally, anyone agree to take part in this act of love that makes us question who we are, and what we do? All for an emotional charge in our being. Its worthless I say.

And then, that other small part of me begins to talk. That yearning for someone else to be with, to kiss, laugh, talk, enjoy. Someone who loves you and admires you. A yearning for a first kiss again, the rush of romance... The feeling of not having to deal with dating ever again... How i want to be with someone again.

This torrent of emotions is twisting inside of me like a rabid tornado. I hate this part...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Last weekend started out a bit rough. Friday night we all got together for Tapas at Devins. Very good food, and great friends! As I had mentioned before, iwe all decided to take a lovely trip to 8 1/2 Piranha, which is one of the dance clubs we like! Steven dressed up in drag, so it was looking to be a good night!

Unfortunately, the mirage soon faded. Steven got us a VIP room, which is actually quite expensive. There were quite a few of us, including &oe, who Steven brought with him. Joe is much younger, and appearently has not learned how to hold his liquor. He drank an entire bottle of vodka, and ended up throwing up all over me, and needed to be carried out of the club over the shoulder of a bouncer...

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Today we are having brunch at Firefly on Paradise and Flamingo, which features Tapas', mini appetizers that come together to form a meal! I ordered the Filet Minion mini sliders, which sounded good! Me and burgers... I swear its my Achilles heal!

Friday night, and its out on the town we go! 8 1/2 Piranha is our destination tonight. Our friend Steven got us a VIP room! The text message that we all got says open bar till 12, so let’s hope we make it! The night started out at the home of the famous Devin Danger, who hosted tonight’s theme dinner, Tapas’. I made Empanadas, which could have used more salt. Next week we all plan to get together for Super Bowl Sunday, and enjoy friends, booze, and football!

In other words, Bob and I have been dating for almost R months now. I am starting to get scared. I've never been in a relationship for this long where things are just, normal. We don't fight, things just kind of flow and work. Last night I was laying in bed almost freaking out, and I realized... I have never passed the point of infatuation with everyone. I don't know what to do, or how to act. He probably thinks I am some sort of emotional freak... I sort of feel like one. Not sure what to do, just hold on and try to get through it without chasing him away...