Let’s Make Fun Of These Bad Canadian Baby Boy Names From 2018

Has anyone else noticed that there are some bad baby names being given out lately? When did that start happening? It's like parents everywhere started thinking, "Hey, what if we give our child a name that rhymes with BRADEN, except with a bunch of random x's and z's added on for no reason?"

Anyway, I recently came across a list of baby boy names registered in Alberta, Canada last year, and you better believe there were some whoppers in there from our friends up North. You can check out the full list here, but a list of my favorites can be seen below.

Keep in mind, these are ACTUAL names that were given to newborn boys in Alberta, Canada last year.

Braxton, Braxtin, Braxten, Braxden, Braxtyn, Braxtynn, Braxzon

Starting from left to right, it perfectly goes from "this kid is probably going to be a major tool when he grows up" to "this kid is definitely going to be a major tool when he grows up."

Chapter

The name you choose when you open up the first page in a book of baby names and decide to be real lazy.

Elizabeth

Husband: "How can we make sure middle school will be an absolute living hell for our son?"
Wife: "Hey, I KNOW!"

George-lucas

Clearly, a big Star Trek fan.

Punish

When the name of your son also describes what you're doing to him by giving him that name! I would give anything to see the look on the face of the Human Resources Manager who takes a look at Punish's job application.

Jcjay

Seriously, how to you pronounce this name? Juck Jay? J-C Jay? Juicy Jay? This name deserves to have a red squiggly line under it at all times.

Pheonix

No, that's not a typo. I mean, it is, but some parents actually named their kid "Pheonix."

Jean-Guy

"When it comes to pants, my son is a real JEAN GUY." This might be the most Canadian name of all time. I actually love this one.

Kraidyn

KRAIDYN. You have got to be kidding me. Someone call Child Protective Services on these parents ASAP. I would rather name my firstborn son Elizabeth Jean-Guy. I'm not lying when I tell you that I'm going to be thinking about this name for weeks.

Leaf

"It was either this or Peyton! Pretty sure we made the right choice."

Raizen

When you want to name your son after a shriveled-up grape, but make sure you spell it really, really dumb.

Ryatt

We need to talk about how annoying it is when parents just combine random names together like that's an automatically acceptable thing to do. I'm honestly shocked no one has claimed Johndon or Stanbrad yet.

Kadyn

When you want to name your son Caden, but also want people to assume he's a stripper when he fills out his college applications 18 years from now.