Renting. Where to look. How to bargain.

Roommates

Picking The Right Partner To Share Your Digs

January 24, 1997|By Annemarie Mannion. Special to the Tribune.

In the search to find a roommate, a cluttered car may say as much about incompatibility as a reference or a credit check. A thorough investigation of prospective roommates, however, is only half of the equation that may lead to a happy roomie relationship.

Before the first question is posed to a prospective roommate, people who are considering bringing someone into their home or apartment would do well to first look to themselves, to their own lifestyles, personalities, finances and habits to decide whether they are truly ready to make the sacrifices and reap the benefits of being a roommate.

"It's definitely a mental shift you have to make," says Dan Ostrov who, last year, found a roommate for his Wrigleyville two-bedroom apartment through Simply Roommates, a Chicago-based roommate referral service. During other phases of his life, Ostrov, who is a graduate student, had lived alone.

Describing the change in mental attitude that one must make in order to accept a roommate, Ostrov says, "You have to realize it's not your space alone anymore."

"If you think that they (roommates) are living in your apartment, and you treat them like they're a guest and they're walking on egg shells all the time, then it's not going to work out," he adds.

Ensuring that it will work out for both people takes honesty and homework. That is the conclusion reached by Wes Blankenship, a 30-year-old from Des Plaines who is looking for a roommate for the first time in 10 years.

Peeking into a prospective roommate's car as a way to weed out unsuitable candidates is a roommate-finding theory that Blankenship is testing. He is running a newspaper ad to find a roommate and has talked to 10 candidates over the phone and interviewed one of those in person.

"I wouldn't take people at their word," he says of the process. "I'd check their background. I'd even peek in their car to see if it's messy or neat."

Blankenship, who is recently divorced, has given much thought to how to find a compatible roommate and, as part of that, also has considered his own needs and ability to get along with others. His desire to have a roommate is prompted by finances.

"I'm taking care of two households now," he says. "I have a son who I support."

Besides finding someone who is neat, one of his primary concerns is to find someone who would not object to the pitter-patter of young feet when his 3-year-old son visits. Blankenship's needs, now that he is a father, are much different than they were 10 years ago when he had his first roommate.

"I wasn't very thorough," says Blankenship of the last time he found a roommate through an ad placed in the newspaper. "I was only 19 or 20 years old. I was looking more for a partner to hang out with, to go to bars and meet girls."

That relationship did not work out because the roommate liked to party a bit too much, Blankenship says. He is still seeking someone with whom he can share some down time, although partying hardy is not on the agenda.

"I wouldn't mind having someone to rent a movie with on a Sunday afternoon," he says. "I want someone I can talk with, to be compatible."

Jan Keltner, owner of A Roommate Connection, another Chicago-based roommate referral service, would applaud Blankenship for thoroughly considering why and what he wants from a roommate--beyond simply having someone to kick in half of each month's rent.

Keltner says she sometimes gets calls from people who say they want a roommate, but who are clearly not ready to make the compromises that a fair and equal relationship requires.

"I have calls from people who say that they want someone to pay half the rent," she says. "But they want someone who won't use the living room, who won't use the washer and dryer and who would travel most of the time."

Rather than note down their names, Keltner advises people making those sorts of demands to give more realistic thought to the whole notion of having a roommate. The basis for successful roommate matching is the idea that both partners have to give a little, she says.

"I think the key word is compromise. You have to have tolerance because no one's lifestyles are going to match exactly," she explains.

People who have a place to rent and those who are seeking a home are each asked to complete an extensive questionnaire when they contact A Roommate Connection.

"This is sort of like a dating service," Keltner says. "I ask them a lot of questions. What are their outside interests, their hobbies, their strong objections? What do they do for a living? Are they open to a male or female (roommate)? Are they open to social drinking? Is there room for additional furniture?"

Laura Pentecost, president of Simply Roommates, also gives clients a list of questions for them to ask each other during an initial interview. These questions range from whether they are allergic to pets to what television shows they watch, what supplies, from food to shampoo, they are interested in sharing and what sorts of social activities they enjoy doing.