Nice job, much better than what you had up before for chapter 2. There are some errors here and there, but overall better.

What type of writing program do you use? Personally, I use Openoffice, plus it's free.

I suggest going through and check your spelling... as I said some errors here and there. Some of the sentences need a bit more tweaking, but you're getting the hang of it.

Signature deleted because links to non art related websites is a form of advertising, and writing is not art, so sayeth the Lit Mod, BR. "10. Feel free to advertise your websites in your signature or avatars as long as they comply with the NSFW rule and the Signature Size rule." Wait what?

Looking much better. I'd like to see you be more descriptive in your writings, next.

Such as the fight between Anna and Red Jacket. While the points were delivered, I think some of the words could have been better. More description of the action would have been better too. Perhaps something like this.

Anna struggled to get up and she cried in furious anger, “FUCK YOU, ANDRE!!!”. She leaped from the ground and impaled him with the sowrd. The blade passed mere centimeters from his heart.

You also have a problem using past and present tense verbs. Jumping back and forth between the two. One place was the sentence I just quoted.

RoZo wrote:Anna struggles to get up and she yelled in furious anger, “FUCK YOU, ANDRE!!!” Anna then stabbed him close to his heart.

Ah yes, the confusion of present and past tense, the looming specter stalking every writer, under their beds when they sleep and watching them undress from inside their closets, waiting till we are our most vulnerable. Then BLAMO! We must be ever vigilant, and never let this nemesis have his way!

Signature deleted because links to non art related websites is a form of advertising, and writing is not art, so saith the Lit Mod, BR. PM me and I'll send you his PM saying as such.

Pika Thunder wrote:Ah yes, the confusion of present and past tense, the looming specter stalking every writer, under their beds when they sleep and watching them undress from inside their closets, waiting till we are our most vulnerable. Then BLAMO! We must be ever vigilant, and never let this nemesis have his way!

hey man. i dont knew about u. but i dont get my tensed confused. i never will did.

RoZo, I think you may be the rare sort of internet person who learns from his mistakes. Slowly, but hey! Keep going!

Yes, i know my confusions of tenses but i found out a wayI'll do this from now on...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and beside some story does that, it goes from one POV to another. And i said MEANWHILE kinda gives you a clue EDITED VERSION OF CH 3 COMING SOON

Pika Thunder wrote:Ah yes, the confusion of present and past tense, the looming specter stalking every writer, under their beds when they sleep and watching them undress from inside their closets, waiting till we are our most vulnerable. Then BLAMO! We must be ever vigilant, and never let this nemesis have his way!

With a baseball bat... and a bottle of bourbon. Wait, wait... I gotta get this Winchester... Alright, now we can celebrate Alvis. -looks around- Wait... this isn't the Alvispalooza is it? SON OF A BITCH! I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU DEAD! Like with a rock or something... like a, a stone.

Sorry Pika... I still had the web cam on streaming... >.>

-cackles maniacally-

YOU WILL OBEY! Wait wrong character... NEXT TIME GADGET! ...still wrong.

Ah ha! Prepare the long rubber glove... Now then! Eenie, meanie miney moe, I wonder where my rubber glove of literacy will go!

Signature deleted because links to non art related websites is a form of advertising, and writing is not art, so sayeth the Lit Mod, BR. "10. Feel free to advertise your websites in your signature or avatars as long as they comply with the NSFW rule and the Signature Size rule." Wait what?

Signature deleted because links to non art related websites is a form of advertising, and writing is not art, so sayeth the Lit Mod, BR. "10. Feel free to advertise your websites in your signature or avatars as long as they comply with the NSFW rule and the Signature Size rule." Wait what?

Since I have school stuff and HW U-_-... I'll edit my chapters on the weekends, starting on friday. The official realease date would be on saturdays or later if i have stuff to do. So while you wait you can post questions about the series