So far, my start to the New Year has been slow. I’m still dealing with a lot of family issues and serious financial woes that can seriously suck the joy and imagination out of my life. But my goal for this year is to get myself out there more. What does that mean? That means promoting myself more, not being so shy about my work.

I do feel self conscious about my work/art because it may not look or feel like what is popular with current art consumers/customers. But I can only do what I know and what I feel and what moves me. I can only hope that what moves me can possibly move others and with that there is a connection. I don’t want to make something pretentious or fake or forced. I want my artwork to feel like a natural extension of myself.

I haven’t even had room to write either. That is bothersome because there is so much I want to tell. Please check the link along the side of my blog and if you can help out by donating or requesting a commission piece or buying from my Etsy store.

These are all things Artists (successful Artists) say to those of us struggling in the muck of our creative juices and impulses. “If you aren’t living and breathing your art, then you are not a true Artists.” Unfortunately, in this economy, it is hard to “live and breathe”‘ that Art when you have bills to pay and be accountable too. You don’t want to just do things for the money, but society is truly set up to kill the creative spirit. That is how I’ve been feeling lately.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but my mom had surgery recently. She is recovering..luckily my sister was able to take some time off to help. But for the past week, it has been me with both parents and it can get very frustrating and stressful. Considering my own back and stress issues….yeah. Finding the energy and will to complete projects is difficult. Finding the time to really flesh all I want to flesh out is just vexing.

Below, is blast from the past. A vector graphic I called DJ Na-O. It has a lot of elements I enjoy. I like the colors a lot. It is like he is the DJ for spring or something or the DJ of the Dawn…LOL

For the past month, I’ve been trying to get some extra funds through crowdfunding. I selected GoFundMe because it seemed like the easiest to use and rather flexible. I’ve sending the link to my Twitter feed and Tumbler blog, but I haven’t gotten any donations yet. I suspected it would be difficult. I even tried to make it more appealing by offering custom artwork for certain donation levels. Still nothing. Now, the thing with GoFundMe is that you can’t even show up in the searches until you have at least $100 dollars donated through the site (you have the option to add donations that were not given online). And then you have to meet the approval of the administrators of the site.

I knew it would be difficult to raise money for myself because I had hard time raising money for a 5K run/walk for Cancer and I was asking my friends. Not a one could bother to donate even a dollar. So, even though my GoFundMe is connected to my Facebook page but I don’t share that page…..

Now, why would I need extra funding. Because in this economy, we could all use a little help. Being a fulltime artist is hardwork, it is stressful. You do what you can to supplement your income, but when you “supplement” job starts to take over your life, then your work starts to suffer. No one likes that. On top of that, I have one parent battling cancer and another with mobility issues (in addition to my own health problems), so my presence at home is almost always needed…especially in the afternoons and weekends. So, yeah, this life is hard and difficult..and I never imagined that it would be like this but it is what it is. My expensive art school/training gave me lots of knowledge, skills, and tools (and debt)…that most people in a capitalist society have no need for. HA!

I have been thinking about my life choices these days. I try to avoid the voices of doubt around me, but they have been louder than usual. In these economy, in this society, it is so hard to make a living as an artists. To live the art, to be the art, to breathe the art. I sometimes wonder if it is worth it.

There is so much ugliness, so much pain in the world…I just want to create things that remind people of the beauty in the world. I want to create a space where people can escape the pain (if only for a little while. It is hard to even be seen as artists as no one really thinks of being a creative professional a profession. Boo to that.