First time menganggur and REALLY DESPERATE to get a job sebab nak kawen. Haha.. eh, betul lah.

Apa lagi lah, aku dah tak boleh fikir dah. So many things that happened in 2009, I enjoyed every moments of it, laughters and sadness, but it's time to say goodbye! (wah, ayat cliche) and hopefully 2010 won't be as bad.

This might seems remeh temeh, but trust me, this helps alot because most LDRs end in disaster within the first 6 months. So if you've already talked about it, you basically know what to expect thus membuatkan you remain calm and steady. Get itttt? If you can't even cope with the tediousness, then how do you expect to cope with your relationship meh?

2 (and 1/2)

Most LDRs inevitably lead to mild depression. So it is important for you to REMAIN SOCIAL- even if you don't like it. Yes yes, I know you're madly in love, you only want to spend your days with your partner, but that's not healthy. Go out sometimes, have fun with your family and friends.

But girls, make sure MAJORITY of your social clicks are women- just to be safe. Kalau tak, nanti ada yang menaga. Kah kah kah. Same goes for you too lah men.

3

EXPRESS YOURSELF. Since both of you are so far away from each other, so physical gestures are out. So what if you can't buy her flowers, or dine her, or bawak berjoli sakan, it's not the end of the world.

You can always sing for her/him on the phone/skype/whatever means. If you're not the singing type, you can always dance for her on webcam, haha. Ikut creativity masing-masing lah. I'm just giving examples.

Though all these are nice, but for me personally, I'd appreciate more if he goes ol' skool, where the PEN is mightier than the phone.

Write down your thoughts in a classic love letter.

It's romantic, it's sweet and it's omaigodcair. Haha.

Don used to write me heaps of love notes. He even wrote me love poems! And made a flash video expressing his love (toped with lomantik musik somemore).

Oklah, this is downright embarrassing because I know my family read my blog too and I know they won't expect I *could* be someone so cheesy and romantic, but Don and I used to berbalas-balas love notes.

It was where I'd write a love letter, saying stuff how I adore him, long for him and such, and he'd reply me via love notes too!

LOL, I've browsed through my vault (wah, ada vault haha) where I keep his poems, pictures and such, and all of them are so cheesy lah!! Malu nak letak sini. HAHA. But I suppose this is the LEAST cheesy and corny...I think lah.

[Berehat sementara waktu. Shit lah, I just read one of his letters, where he wrote when we had some difficulties, sampai menangis aku baca. What the hell. I'd post it here, but I need to get his permission first]

Today I write to you my love;
My beautiful angel, sent from above.
These words I write, they don't say much,
but the emotions they express, are meant to touch.
Your heart, your soul, these things which I love about you the most,
they carry you along, like a graceful dove,
so beautiful you are, soaring through the sky.
Your wings they lift us up so high.
If I were to die, with only one breath left to give,
I'd say "I love you", for to love you, is to live.
I wish these words could meant more to you,
I wish they could show you how much I do.
Love you, my sweets, forever, and always.

Kesabaran itu penting. Especially when you're in this kind of situation. You can't expect your partner to fly to you in a matter of time. Kalau hari-hari asyik dok tanya "when are you coming to see meeee, I miss you oredyyy", mesti lah partner tu rasa meluat. Silap hari, langsung dia tak datang. haha. So bawak-bawak lah bersabar yek.

Once your partner arrives, now you need the money untuk bawak dating, belanja sana sini kan? Since you two haven't seen each other for so long, mesti lah nak dating for the rest of the days when they're there kan? So cost untuk bawak dating/jalan jalan tu pon mesti lah lagi tinggi daripada couples yang 30 mins drive from each other. Sebab tu before the official arrival, silalah simpan duit. Bawak lah bekal makanan ke campus/office. Save sikit budget. Hehe. This goes for the other partner jugak. You need the money to travel jugak.

It's important to see each other again at an interval of time throughout your relationship. This will help you to catch up over the things that you couldn't do while being apart. Oso, the anticipation of seeing each other again WILL DEFINITELY gives you the excitement serta harapan dan eliminate perasaan lonely ituuu.

6

Since you can only spend your time online, so instead of just talking non-stop, sila lah mencari ACTIVITY WHERE BOTH OF YOU CAN SHARE and do it together-gether! Tak kisah lah nak buat apa, main farmville sama sama ke, cafe world sama sama ke, crossword puzzle sama sama ke. That's why lah saya bermain World of Warcraft. Cause it's something that Don and I can do together. It helps you to communicate better dan keeps you entertained!

Kan kan!

One suggestion I can give, you can go here untuk bermain MMO games bersama-sama: OMGPOP

In surviving LDR, you must learn to trust your partner whole heartedly. There are no rooms for suspicion as your foundation in LDR is trust. Don't take this lightly you knowwww, a single suspicion will break the bond, and it's the beginning of the end!

Although it is easier said than done but trust me, if your partner is apt to do something unfaithful to you, they will still do it under your nose. Sifat kegatalan tu tak boleh nak sorok-sorok lagi dah. Therefore there is no need for you to create such unnecessary stress a.k.a drama in your LDR.

9

COMMUNICATION is vital. Tapi ini bukanlah green light untuk kau call him tanya "What are you doing?" "Where are you at?" "Who are you with?" "When are you coming back?" Where how when why why why nag nag nag nag.

Ok I admit, sometimes I'm like that osoo, but fikir fikir lah sendiri, do you like it when your partner asks you the same shit every 1 hour? Mesti lah rasa suffocating kan.

Anyway, by communicating better, it helps you to connect with your partner on a different level compared to your peers. Betul lah, I mean by just talking, you'd know his childhood memories, his high school experience, siapa ex gf's dia in DETAIL. Tidakkah anda mahu itu? Hahah...

DO NOT TAKE THE RELATIONSHIP LIGHTLY. Just because your partner is absent, doesn't mean it gives you the right to dictate and manipulate your relationship. Your partner STILL has the rights to participate in any life altering decision making, regardless of where they are. Tapi jangan lah menggedik-gedik nak call semata-mata nak tanya:

And lastly (wah, habis jugak si Alia ni!), DO NOT SUCCUMB TO NEGATIVE COMMENTS OF LDR.

Like seriously (wah, tetiba bimbo-like), a lot of us suka dengar cerita orang yang mengatakan LDR doesn't work. Negative impression itu eventually akan hunt you down thus destroy your perfect relationship. If you're in a long distance relationship, you MUST learn to believe that it WILL work.

Believing is the key.

Macamlah if you believe you're ugly, then YOU ARE ugly. Tapi kalau anda fikir dan percaya anda ni super gorgeous, then YOU ARE gorgeous. Begitu lah.

I know because I didn't let any negative comments influence me. I am proud to say that I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CONQUERED MY LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP.

*Kembang kempis kembang kempis*

Yes it takes a lot to make it work, but it is NOT impossible. You just need to have a lot of patience, trust and testicular fortitude.

I know all these seem so...exaggerated, but trust me, I shall provide a picture nanti. I'll scan it later lah. Sekarang malas gilakkk. Haha..

So anyway, I 'met' him online when I was 17, JUST got out from school. Yes my dearies, I met him online. Yang kelakarnya, he LOATHES chatting/chat rooms, and he was only there because of his friends. Dan kebetulan I wanted to try chatting, kira itu first time aku chat lah tu. We were there in the same room, at the same time.

(I asked him a few years ago, kenapa he acted as if he didn't want to chat with me. Ye lah, cara dia chat dengan aku macam he was annoyed je kan, then he said "Because I knew you were curious about me, and I knew you weren't gonna stop chatting with me. I also knw that women LOVE mysteries".

I did ask him for a picture (setelah semangat kental built up). Dia sanggup keluar beli webcam!! And he sent me THIS picture!!

Ya Rabbi, hati luruh!! COMEL GILA PAKCIK NI!!

(ok, leave him alone lah, he was 17, of course muka budak)

And he even bought and posted A WEBCAM FOR ME TOO. Like snail-mail? I mean I understand lah, dia dah kasi gambar dia, now it's my turn lah kan. But haha, I refused. I lied to him yang I didn't get his mail, yang his mail was lost somewhere. Gila teruk. Padahal aku dah bedal guna tangkap gambar sendiri (dan adik-adik). Haha.

That lie only lasted for about a few months (eh, lama jugak tau!), until he finally found a picture of me online.

I personally think it's better lah, I mean you get to know someone first, without having their looks jadi pemberat whether you should reject them or not. But of course it takes a lot of trust, and guts, and semangat kental. Ye lah, what if the person doesn't look like how you imagine them to be. Mesti lah sikit-sikit tu ada impact jugak. But if you truly love him/her, and you really don't care how he/she turns to look like, then no biggie lah kan.

Dan sejak itu, we have nothing more to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about, and we both know we can count on each other for whatever reason. Oleh sebab itu lah, our love berputik mekar...Wahahah...geli tak baca?

Just because we've only met in person last year (when he came to Malaysia), people always assume yang our relationship cuma "cinta monyet", yang he really doesn't love me, yang we would never go far, yang we've only known each other for a small amount of time.

Yes true, we've only been together (physically) for less than a year kalau kira both of our visits to both countries. But did you know that we've been together for 8 years (albeit virtual)? During the first 7 years, since we couldn't go out on a proper date, all we did was talk. And we talked (and still do) for every minute for everyday. Celik mata sampai tutup mata.

We connect on a HIGHER level than the rest of these couples around my age do. So who are YOU to judge that my relationship is bogus? How would you justify his 'ungenuine' love when he's been THERE FOR ME for every goddamn second for 8 goddamn years? IF he was just playing me, why would he waste his time THAT long for someone who's just OVER THE INTERNET? He could have gotten a vajayjay somewhere closer to his house.

I'm sorry, I'm just tired of hearing people saying shit like that just because we met in an unorthodox way. He is by far the most honest man I've known. Apa kau ingat orang yang kau jumpa in real life tepi club tu jujur sangat?

So yeah. That's my love story. 7 years of being apart from each other (including the 2-faceless-years), never been on a proper date, never seen each other in person, never touched, never being in the same room physically. 7 years together virtually. 7 years of long distance relationship. And he finally came to see me end of last year (and I visited him this year).

And oh, our first REAL date was at A&W Subang Jaya.

So who says LDR doesn't actually work? If you've met the right person, nothing can be a factor.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Okay, I'm not sure whether I should disclose this or not because it's going to relate (read: NOT tarnish) my credibility as a professional consultant, but I suppose it's a no harm deal if I don't reveal the confidentiality part kan? And plus, where else am I going to vent?

Ok I lied, I've talked about it intensively with my parents, my friend Shad and the other half. But I still feel the need to write it down! Hoping that one day in the future, when I reread it again, it's going to be a reminder of how professional and ethical and thorough and did I say professional? I can be!

Haha.

So you see, as in my previous post, I mentioned about a job offering that not only offers good value-add, but also offers a fricking handcuffs and duct tapes to their employees upon agreement of employment!

Serious shit, no kidding.

No, not literally duct tapes and handcuffs lah, what you think I'm qualified to work in a brothel ke? I'm OVER qualified ok. (meaning overweight lah tu..) Hahah...

Anyway, so today I went to their office to view the contract and read thoroughly and to actually inquire about any clauses that seem dubious and lawyers-jargons-like.

As soon as I reached there, of course lah it's a normal thing for anyone to request for a few days before actually sign and accept the offer. Basically you'd have to read through the contract before making any decision correct? But this is a different case. I wasn't allowed to bring home the contract (or to disclose the legal binding to anyone!) and I was only given a few hours to decide.

Their reasoning? Because they need me to attend a training TOMORROW, hence the rush.

Excuse me? Only a few hours you said?

I told them lah, it's not possible for me to decide today, because I still have to discuss it with my family first. I don't want to regret one day, for rushing a bad decision. Alas, they could not accommodate that request.

Fine, first strike.

After I read through (like seriously, over and over again!), I finally noticed that the whole reasoning why I wasn't suppose to disclose that contract to anyone because everyone has a different version of the contract; meaning different benefits, different compensations. I KNOW because I have a friend who was offered the SAME POSITION, the SAME COMPANY a few weeks before.

So second strike.

Anyway, those 2 reasons weren't enough of a justification of why I should decline the offer, because honestly, I'm pretty desperate for a job, so I was willing to let it go.

Fine.

While reading the whole contract, I found one clause that really-really-really made me uncomfortable. That said, in Layman's term lah ye, upon agreement I'll be legally bound to the employer for 2 years and if I were to quit for whatever reason (unless if I get sick and cannot perform) within the stipulated time, I'd have to pay the company RM20,000.

Haa????????

So they're going to sue me for QUITTING the job?

Of course lah on their defense they said because the company will be spending a large amount of money to train you and so on and so on so it's not fair for the company if you just leave after gaining the benefits.

Exactly. Benefits.

Aren't benefits are supposed to be um, BENEFITS? I'm pretty sure the word "benefit" doesn't sync with "Here I'll give you a candy for free, but if you eat it you'll have to pay me 20 more candies"RIGHT?!?!?

So what if I get a better offer from another company, I still have to pay RM20k because I "owe" the company for providing me all the necessary trainings for me to PERFORM and BRING BUSINESS to the company itself?!?

It's just not a matter of whether I get another offer or not, but what if after working there for lets say, 6 months, and I feel that the environment or the nature of the job doesn't suit me. Should I still pay RM20k for the company because I'm not willing to continue working non-industriously hence jeopardizing the company's business?!?!

I'm doing them a favor and they're still going to sue me!??!

WHAT THE FUCK??

You get my point or not??

I think that clause is too suffocating because 2 years is a long journey from now. You never know what may happen.

Third strike.

But to my surprise, they were willing to remove that particular clause from the contract after listening to my justifications. Wow, so I can negotiate afterall.

So they removed that part completely and gave me a newly printed contract for me to go through.

I was happy, they were happy, I signed and went back to my car.

...where my mom was waiting. I gave the contract to mak and she read thoroughly again (now I know where I get my thorough-trait! Haha).

She asked a lot of questions and I happily answered her because I was explained to earlier kan.

Until she pointed to this one small fine writing.

"I'm not allowed to join the company's clients or their competitors AFTER I quit for 12 months"

What??

So basically it means I'm not allowed to get a job in Malaysia (because I'm sure they have a long list of clienteles/competitors) for 12 months even after I quit working with them.

......

..........

I understand if the clause only states non-disclosure of confidentialities, because well, that's normal lah, it's to protect their business entity, but having that sentence where I'm not supposed to work for a year with their clients/competitors even AFTER I quit doesn't make sense at all!!

Of course lah they countered me, saying no, they won't do that, they're not really mean-spirited people where they won't actually hold their employees from joining other companies for career advancement, the whole reason of that clause is to protect their entity and leaking of information.

But as to MY defense, sure we can have a mutually verbal agreement, but in the event if anything happens, their lawyers won't give a crap about verbal agreements, they'd actually use THAT BLACK AND WHITE CLAUSE AGAINST ME.

I'm not saying that I'm planning to do unethical things (giving P&C information to others, etc), but I'll be definitely breaching that whole clause for working with another company!!

Then what? I'm fucked.

So yadda, yadda, they even called their HR big boss to have a talk with me, haha.

She regretfully said that she doesn't have the power to amend/remove that clause for me, so I regretfully told her that I'd have to withdraw.

After excessive usage of "umm"s and "hmm"s, I walked out from that office for the second time, only this time empty handed.

Still jobless. And tired.

And so I thought that was the end of this drama too! No no no, the drama continues...

A few hours later (when I was shopping with mak and sister), I received a call from one of their top management people, asking for clarification, why I've decided to reject the offer. I explained to him my situation and my thoughts of how it seems like a win-lose contract. He told me that though he has the prerogative to remove the clause, but he still needs to discuss it with the management first.

Since he can't confirm whether he'll be able to remove it or not, I guess it's my call to end this mess, for the sake of everybody.

I have decided to reject the job offer. Final say.

The end.

There you go, my first time negotiating, my first time being professionally assertive, and my first time rejecting a job offer (especially when I'm really desperate for a job!!).

Now I just have to write a thank you letter for them.

Ah crap.

p/s: Oh sorry for the long ass post. I totally understand if you got tired half way through.
p/ss: I hope I won't get into any trouble for writing this. But hey why should I la kan, I didn't mention any names! HA!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I was offered a job, which I personally think has a good prospect, pretty similar to my old job (albeit the roles have been reversed) and will bring good values to me.

Everything was fine and dandy.

Until they mentioned a 2-year-bound contract.

Uh.

Apa?

That completely shattered me.

Sure I've applied to other agencies jugak, but so far, only this company and the other company (which I'm not really interested in THE position yang aku apply tu) yang panggil pergi interview.

Yang lain dah rejek aku awal-awal.

Which gets me to my other point, how would you judge someone's credibility solely based on a resume? Maybe lah they rejected me because there are no positions available....but that doesn't make sense jugak, sebab I applied based on their advertisements.

Oklah, maybe they've found another suitable candidates, but how about give others a chance for an interview? At least you'd know whether that person suits the company/job or not.