As opposed to stating that you have a concern, you attack your partner by stating that they have a character flaw.

You tell your partner, “something is wrong with you.” as opposed to stating that you have a problem about a specific situation or event.

The recipient of the criticism many times feels disrespected.

Criticism shuts down communication

Criticism many time starts with the statement you always or you never.

You always make a mess. You never take out the trash.

Being critical leads to high level conflict

We all have complaints

I am not saying that you should not communicate your complaints. What I am saying is that you should not justify an attack of your partner due to you being dissatisfied with a situation.

A complaint allows your partner to know what you like and don’t like.

It opens the door for more communication.

You are sharing facts about a specific event or a situation. Sticking to the facts helps.

Attack defend cycle

Being brutally honest without tact does not communicate that you are attempting to solve a problem. This type of critical communication many times puts your partner in a defensive place. This derails the conversation and problems are not solved.

Take responsibility for yourself and your behavior. If you want to have effective communication, don’t begin a conversation in a way that will be unproductive. If you need additional assistance, check out our mini-course Avoid Turning a Disagreement into an Argument.

More Resources

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