Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, November 5
Thank You Cynjer!
Thank you Doug!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger
Details at Boneheads
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Today, November 5, in
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Muslim Nidal Malik Hasan
killed 13 people and wounded 30 others.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
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Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in getting up every time we do.
--- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)
To punish me for my contempt for authority,
fate made me an authority myself.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
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A major research institution recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
This new element has been tentatively named
"Administratium".
Administratium has one neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant
deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force
called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Administratium has no electrons, it is
inert.However, it can be detected as it impedes
every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Administratium causes one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it
would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of three
years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a
reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy
neutrons exchange places.In fact, Administratium's
mass actually increases over time, since each
reorganization causes some morons to become
neutrons, forming isodopes.
This moron-promoting characteristic has lead
some scientists to speculate that Administratium
is formed wherever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as "Critical Morass."
You'll know it when you see it.
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Q: How can I avoid always being handed other
peoples' drooling brats?
A: Drop one or two.
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Thanks to Noella for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Paul Rater,
62,
Buckeye,
Arizona
AZ grandpa arrested after leaving girl
in desert with gun to get beer and cheeseburger
A man in Buckeye, Arizona, is facing child endangerment
charges after authorities said he left his 5-year-old
granddaughter in the desert by herself with a loaded gun.
Paul Rater, 62, took the girl for a ride in his pickup truck
Sunday afternoon in the desert. Family members reported the
two missing four hours later.
The girl was eventually found by a firefighter who was riding
around the desert on an ATV. She was crying for help, Maricopa
County Sheriff Joe Arpaio told ABC15.com.
Arpaio told the station the girl was found with a loaded and
cocked .45 caliber handgun.
"He told her it was to shoot the bad guys. How does a 5-year-old
know the difference between good guys and bad guys?" Arpaio
told the station.
Rater was found a short time later at a local store.
Investigators said he admitted leaving the girl in the desert
and went for a few drinks and a cheeseburger, instead,
according to CBS News.
Rater also told authorities the truck got stuck and he and
his granddaughter had to walk for help because he forgot to
bring his cellphone, according to KPHO TV.
When the girl couldn't walk anymore, Rater said he left her
under a tree with the loaded gun.
Deputies said Rater came across several people while he was
looking for help, but never thought to call 911. The suspect
said he asked people to look for his granddaughter because
he left her in the desert, according to AZCentral.com.
Witnesses at the South Buckeye Equestrian Center said Rater
showed up there around 5:30 p.m. complaining about having to
walk 10 miles. He never mentioned his granddaughter.
Rater's wife told deputies he called her for a pickup an
hour or so later, after consuming a cheeseburger and four
alcoholic beverages.
Rater was booked into a Maricopa County jail on suspicion of
endangerment and two counts of reckless child abuse. He remains
in custody on $25,000 bond, according to jail records.
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Tech Support Pits
From: Terry
Re: Reliable email program
Dear Webby,
I have tried Outlook and Windows Live, and am not
happy with either one. Which email program do you
recommend and use?
Terry
Dear Terry
I still use Eudora, and have used it since 1993.
Never a problem.
Thunderbird is based on Eudora and pretty well the same,
just prettier and has a lot more emoticons.
Either one is fast asnd reliable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure
anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with
what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the
town grouch.
So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that
he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin'
to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little, then tells Mr. Smith,
"What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.
So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.
He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the
doctor. That will be $100.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.
One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor
along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts,
"I can't remember!"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself
a little and tells Mr. Smith:
"What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled
the office.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Onions Fresh for Months
If you keep your onions completely dry, separated, and hanging,
they will last you for months. Take a washed or new pair of
pantyhose and stack your onions vertically, then store in a
cool dark place. Additionally, if you tie a knot in the hose
between each whole onion, they will touch each other even less,
lasting a bit longer.
By attosa [133]
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

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Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey.
His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to
look carefully at his client.
"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded
the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant.
"Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that
if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"
He was acquitted.
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male pole "dancer" - unreal

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Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a
92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They
decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En
route, with siren going, they questioned the man to
determine his level of awareness.
Leaning close, one paramedic asked,
"Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?"
The old man slowly looked up at him, then gazed out the
ambulance window. He slowly turned back to the
paramedic and said, "Oh, I'd say about 50, maybe 55."
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Noella's Blunders
Does anybody read my blunder bit?
Noella
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Beautiful landscape photography.

Today, November 5, in
1605 The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when
he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament.
Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to
celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament
and King James I.
1844 In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful
cataract operation at the Zoological Garden.
1872 In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting
to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine.
1895 George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an
automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later.
1911 Italy officially annexed Tripoli.
1935 The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company.
1940 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third
term in office.
1946 John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of
Representatives at the age of 29.
1955 The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally re-opened.
1956 British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the
Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later.
1963 Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at
L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland.
1967 In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's
tallest free-standing structure for nine years.
1986 The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of
weapons to Iran.
1987 In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving
24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced
to life for treason against the white minority government.
1998 Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong
evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child
(Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings.
1990 Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was
shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin,
Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was
sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade
Center bombing.
1992 Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit
during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted
in his death and sentenced to prison.
1994 Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's
1994 George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion
when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA
fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1998 The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to
5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town.
1999 A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates
from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany.
1999 Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and
charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL.
1999 U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp.
enjoyed "monopoly power".
2001 It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and
Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in
airline services.
2009 At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people
and wounded 30 others.
2015 smiled.

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Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.