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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Too True Tues #6

Well quite frankly, I've hit the motherlode on this one. The subject of this week's TTT is the worst gift you have ever received. The sort of thing that if a co-worker were telling you about it, you would not believe them. You wouldn't believe it yourself if it hadn't happened. But it's true, every bit. Bonus points if you can find a photo.

In my life I have one particular offender and ohhhhhh my, offensive she is. I have been gifted with a Sonny and Cher fur vest. A blouse with Christmas trees on it outlined in glitter. Acrylic socks for every holiday. A fake leather "shirt". A rug with a hole cut out for your head to make it a poncho. So many ugly little items that it slowly became clear to me that there was no accident happening here. There had to be deliberation. No one single person could mistakenly obtain that much ugliness without prior planning. No one single person could find that much ugliness attractive and of value.

Last year on my birthday, a big production was made of the gift. Ooh oh oh, she could not wait for me to open this special thing. So excited. Oooh ohoh, had to wait for the explanation blah blah blah because it was so special. I opened a small box in dread knowing that the small boxes usually contained offenses to jewelry. Sure enough, it was a big clunky wire bracelet thing with a chunk of stone on it. Turquoise. And praise the Lord and pass the ammunition, there were earrings to match. I tried so hard to only look at them sideways so as to not damage my vision (I have the same reaction to unfortunate handbags).(I don't hate turquoise, its just not my thing, its pretty on other people).

Now at about this point I am sure people are going, dang you selfish shithead, maybe it wasn't your taste but the thought is what counts. Or wow, lady, give it a rest, geez. But wait, there is more to the story.

The background of the offense to jewelry was the important part. The exciting part. The part that made it special. See, the jewelry belonged to the gifter. As it was told to me, she put the bracelet on herself recently and "decided it wasn't right for" her anymore and so she "should pass it on". You got it, she decided she did not like it any more. That it was time to pass it on. Very close to the exact words.

So was it an important antique?No.Was it a family heirloom?No.Was it a special thing in any way?No.

It was just used. Used jewelry for my birthday. That she didn't like anymore and decided it was time to pass it on. To me.

I really think we need a picture! It kind of sounds like a special bracelet that I was given ;)I also got an awesome lime green mini skirt and a shirt with neon colored flowers that went way above my belly button... I have a picture of the outfit but the gift giver probably reads my blog.

That sounds like a mother-in-law tactic.My MIL gives me stuff that her neighbors left out on the curb for the garbage man, I kid you not. Then, to make sure I know how much she detests me, she TELLS me where the hideous item came from.Actually, fur vests are big fashion news this fall. They're supposed to be worn with leggings and a belted-in tunic. I still think they're fugly.

Miz beat me to the punch.. the more I hear about her the more I feel for you. I am lucky enough not to have one ( although she sounds as though she was a reasonable human being) I'm not playing today cause I am to tired but I don't think I have anything that good... although there was the sweater my mom knit me that wes 12 sizes to big or the one that she knit with striped sleeves because she ran out of wool... I guess i do have some

I have some good ones myself, but I'm not sure I'm going to be able to participate. Too many people I know in real life read my blog and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

But, WAIT - they don't read YOUR blog. So, I'll just tell YOU about my favorite "worst" gift. A big, antiqued ceramic pumpkin. For my birthday. There were some mysterious holes in the top that best I can figure were for some greenery or leaves that were missing. SADLY, I dropped and broke it a few months after I had it.

My grandma used to buy us used underwear for Christmas from Goodwill when I was a kid. They were big flapping bloomers, too. This is where I learned the art of creative writing: how to write a thank you note for something you are not ONE BIT THANKFUL FOR!

Mountain momma- stick your hand up, I will throw it out the window to you!Ok, I like my big undies, but not USED!A pumpkin vase sounds lovely. I get a lot of traffic from your blogroll. Sorry Annie, I think you win.Garbage from the neighbors curb... thats a pretty strong signal. I'm thinking the verbal confirmation of hating you was unecessary. And BTW, the fur vest was like 4 years ago and was never and will never be, in style. Ugh, shivers thinking about it.Morgan I want a photo!Big sweaters can be forgiven if the giver is a knitter. Hmm, that rhymes.

I would so love to be the person who gives hideous gifts. I have seen some awesome crapola that would offend anyone, but I am always afraid that people would laugh at me instead of recognize me for the evil genius I am. I've thought about doing this to my daughter's dad and stepmother. Every year, we get them nice gifts for Xmas, bdays, and God help me, even mothers day and fathers day. I can count on ONE HAND the number of times they have reciprocated with me, and they just ignore my husband completely. I feel this is worthy of getting fuzzy purple underwear for Xmas.

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The girls and their Mommy

Once upon a time I lived a lovely little life. I did what I wanted. I spent what I wanted. My husband and I traveled when we wanted and ate at restaurants when we wanted. One day after eating out while traveling and spending too much on dinner and drinks, we became pregnant and it was a girl (Teena). 2 years later I thought I had this mom thing under control and we adopted a 4 year old little girl (Genea). She is Ukrainian and was previously adopted by another family who dissolved ("disrupted") their adoption and severed their parental rights.The girls are 10 and 12 now. I left my job a few years ago to be a SAHM.Things have gone uphill from there!