Oh shit...here come those bloody colonials again

After watching an awesome display of powerful, fast, dynamic and highly skillful rugby by the Wallabies and All Blacks last night, English rugby manager Boris Johnstone looked less than confident.

Johnstone, in fact, had taken on a deathly pallor and was visibly trembling in his size 14 boots. He also appeared to be clenching his buttocks, in an attempt to compensate for a hopelessly overwhelmed anal sphincter. He admitted, "Me and the boys watched the game last night. At half time we collectively shat ourselves. We have to face these colonial bastards over the next few weeks. What the fuck are we going to do?"

Johnstone went on to say, "We have been concentrating on getting the basics right. We can now, almost, throw a straight ball into the lineout. We have also boosted our fitness so that we can go a whole 60 minutes. I know its an 80 minute game, but we are working up to that".

Meanwhile, it seems the old farts at the RFU are seeking to avoid yet another utterly embarrassing humiliation at the hands of the Aussies and Kiwis. Herbert Araldite, Chairman of the Playing Committee, said "We are in negotiations and may, instead, opt for a game of ping pong, rather than needlessly send England's finest to the slaughter".

Johnstone was last seen searching the job section of the London Evening Standard.

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