Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Entomophobia1. A persistent irrational fear of and compelling desire to avoid insects, mites, spiders, or similar phobic objects;2. Significant distress from the disturbance despite recognition by the individual that the fear is excessive or unreasonable;3. Not due to another mental disorder such as schizophrenia or obsessive compulsive disorder

I am terrified of bugs. When I see a spider in the bathroom, it freezes me to the spot. It takes a lot of willpower for me to be able to move again. I have no idea where this fear comes from! The other night there was an earwig ON MY ARM IN MY BED in the dark. Luckily I have a husband who does not suffer from entomophobia, and he was able to get rid of it before I completely freaked out.

A person who is very dear to me has some neurotic tendencies that lead him to be terrified of other people's germs. He goes to great lengths to avoid 'contaminated' food, and has been known to wash his hands until they bleed. Often, people with OCD characteristics are kind of expected to "get over it" because their fears seem unreasonable and silly to others. We all know that eating off the same plate as someone else or getting drooled on by a baby probably won't kill you.

But recently, I was thinking about my irrational fear of insects and spiders and realized that if someone expected me to just "get over it," I would have a really hard time with that. Although my fear is unreasonable, it is very real to me. So...maybe I can understand a little bit what it's like to be afraid of something, even when everyone else expects you not to be.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I ran across an old video this evening. In it, you will see and hear the peak of my musical education at BYU: my performance on the Krumhorn.

The following is a little number called "Amoroso." Of all our repertoire, it was my very favorite piece, and it gets more exciting the faster it is played. Please note the unique ornamentation implemented by the soprano and alto krumhornists.

I think this picture was meant to be our album cover.

P.S. In case you were wondering, this isn't really what I consider the peak of my musical education. Yes, you can laugh.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

So lately I have become obsessed with comparing myself to those who have gone before.Especially the women of the past.I constantly find myself thinking about a pioneer mother giving birth in the winter in a wagon or an African American slave working in the fields or a poor girl living in the dark ages surrounded by rats and cockroaches with no indoor plumbing or heating or refrigerator or a young lady in Bible times given away in marriage to a man she has never met.

Until recent days, even American women died giving birth all the time. I think about our epidurals, IV’s, and cesarean deliveries, about how incredibly difficult my recent labor and delivery were, and then wonder how my great grandmother had 14 children.

I think about the conditions I saw when I lived in Peru and about how in many parts of the world people still don’t have a dishwasher or a washing machine or an oven or a car and spend all of their day doing what those machines do for me automatically.I think about modern medicine, education, technology, and the rights I have because I was born in America in the 1980’s.I think about how I can vote and how I can be whatever or whoever I want to be.

We went camping with family for the 4th of July weekend.We really roughed it with a tent, an air mattress, sleeping bags, clean running water, a bathroom nearby, instant fire, conveniently packaged food, a car to put the food in to keep the bears away.I do enjoy camping, but I freaked out about every time I saw something creepy and crawly, especially when it was in our tent.I wonder if I would last even 24 hours in another day and age.

Here’s wishing a happy Independence Day and a happy Pioneer Day to all.I love our country and everything it is because of those who have gone before.And I truly salute the women of the past and present who have endured so many hardships that I will never know.