Dear Carolyn: My husband and I are newlyweds. He had a long-term relationship with a woman who turned out to be married.

When they started dating, she lied to him about her marital status. He eventually found out but, by that point, had developed strong feelings for her and didn’t end the relationship.

They have remained in constant contact for more than 10 years, with occasional weekends together (she lives in another state).

She claimed that she remained in her marriage “for the children” — who, by the way, are adults.

Since she learned of our engagement and marriage, she has been tearfully telling my husband about how she “almost” left her family for him, that she thinks I have him “whipped” and that he “doesn’t even sound like himself anymore.”

I resent this woman’s intrusion into our lives and have clearly communicated this to my husband. He has yet to respond.

I think he is going to say he wants to remain friends with her. How should I handle this?

— Feel Like the Bad Guy

Dear Feel Like: You handle it with an attorney.

This isn’t advice I relish giving; I prefer to lay out options and let the couple sort it out.

To complete the disclosure, I believe in letting adults, married or not, choose their own friends.

But a marriage to someone who takes marriage lightly? I won’t shake my pro-marriage pompoms for that.

If he pushes to stay friends with a married affair partner who lied to him, whom he might still love and who is actively trying to undermine your marriage, then that’s hardly marriage. That’s his cake had and eaten, too. Surely you didn’t sign up for that.

Dear Carolyn: Two years ago, we bought a vacation home. We go practically every weekend for three seasons a year. Friends have commented how we’re never available anymore, and I will admit we’ve grown lax about returning calls, texts, emails, whatever.

When we are home, we don’t let people know, because we’re trying to catch up on tasks we’ve dropped.

We used to host holiday meals at our house for a group of people, but only a handful showed up for Christmas and just one for Easter. I asked a friend why, and she said, “To people who used to see you several times a week, two years of being basically ignored seems personal. They understand the vacation-home thing but not being ignored when you are home.”

I felt bad, especially because I’d just asked her whether she minded being on the “B” list for our son’s wedding.

She left soon after, and, when I called to ask whether she’d help cater the shower, she said she had other plans. We don’t feel as if we’ve done anything wrong. How can we get our friends to see that things have changed but it’s not personal?

— Old Friends Disappearing

Dear Old: Maybe it’s not “wrong” or even “personal,” but saying to your friends “Don’t call us; we’ll call you — when we need kitchen help or filler guests” is mind-bendingly obnoxious. If you want friends, then you reciprocate their whatevers. In other words: Care.