BREAKING: Cal Starting Quarterback Announced

Given all the buzz behind Nate Longshore and Kevin Riley, Jeff Tedford has made a surprise decision about who his quarterback will be at a special 9 am press conference early this morning.

“After much deliberation……I’ve decided to let Leon Powe give it a shot in the backfield.”

“Leon has proven this past season that he’s capable of making the right decisions for a young group of new guys, while at the same time mixingin with a strong core of veterans. Given our team’s hunger for a champion, our fan’s need for excitement and mobility, and its need for professional leadership, I think Powe was the right decision. He should fit well in his return to Cal and I know our team will stand by him through thick and thin.”

The news sent shockwaves throughout the Bay Area, especially around Memorial Stadium. Several treesitters jumped out of the trees in shock, only to frantically climb back up after realizing they’d landed in their famed buckets of glory. But perhaps the most surprising reactions were the immediate voices of approval from the quarterbacks who’d been competing for the job from opening day.

“I fully stand behind our Coach’s decision.” Longshore said in a press release. “There’s no doubt that in the clutch that Leon gets it done. He took down Kobe Bryant. He took down the MVP! Would I ever be able to outrun Glenn Dorsey in the title game? I’m not sure about that. I usually like standing in one place. Standing in one place is good. Conserves energy. Leon runs the floor like a madman. He’ll definitely give them the spacing. Good things happen when Leon’s on your team.”

Even the usually energetic and confident Riley seemed to have pep in his step.

“No doubt I don’t have enough experience to step up into the huddle yet. But Leon? Leon’s got that experience man. He plays 82 games a year. I’ve played like one and a half. I’m glad he’s decided to come back to Cal to help us chase the roses. Definitely couldn’t have done it with Braunmeister in charge.”

“And there’s no doubt Coach will stick with him. Coach sticks with his men through thick and thin, no matter how bad things get. He’s like the anti-Doc Rivers, and they managed to win a title in spite of everything he did.”

When reached for comment, Doc Rivers said, “Players make plays. Good players make good plays. Great players play hard. Leon Powe plays exceptionally hard. I’m sure he’ll play very hard.”