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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sexual Labeling

I've been forced to re-evaluate my sexuality lately due to some really FUN evenings I've had here lately that have involved non-cock having people. I've always been comfortable with my label of "straight girl" even tho I've always done things like decorate my house with female nudes, watch a lot of bisexual porn, etc...

My man says that "all women have a little sugar in their gas tanks, the only difference is the amount." And, while I do believe there are some truly straight women out there, I think he is right in that majority of women are a little flexible when it comes to sexuality. One of the many reasons that I agree with him is because, if you ask a room full of random people which Hollywood actor/actress of the SAME sex they would want to fuck, you will have to wait on all men to hem and haw, and discuss whether they would have to be the fucker or the fuckee, try and decide which actor looks the most like a chick, and generally try everything they can to get out of answering the question. BUT all the women in the room will have an answer almost immediately. They have thought about this before and have a woman in their mind that they want to see naked and want to play with - even the "straight" women. Personally, as I've said before, I've always had a crush on Catherine Zeta Jones.

So, anyways, I've decided to change my label from "straight" to "heteroflexible" after the past few evenings of swinging fun with our new friends with benefits (and, yes, there is a lot more fun going on then "Swinging Horrors" may have let on, Lol). Heteroflexible is a new term to me, but I came across it the other day on fetlife.com and loved it. It seemed to encompass everything that I consider myself without the parts of the label bisexual that don't fit me at all. But since labels are all really meaningless and vague unless everyone is on the same page regarding them, I'm going to take a minute here to define all the levels of bi-ness that I've come across in my talks and experiences with women (and while I'm using these labels regarding women, they are completely gender-interchangable - just put "man" where I've typed "woman" and you should be good to go).

Homophobic: This is the uber-straight of the straight women. This woman is almost afraid of any touch from another woman (even strictly platonic). These women rarely touch other women more then a handshake and even the thought of being in a same bed swinging situation is "revolting" to them. We met one couple where the wife could easily have been labeled with this; she rarely so much as hugged me goodbye, and we were one of the few couples they had met as she really preferred to only have threesomes with her husband and other guys. And if they had met couples it was usually a separate room type of swinging because of her and that just would never work for my man and I (we like to watch each other, touch each other, kiss each other and generally just be with each other during sex even when we've invited others to join our playtime; being in separate rooms defeats the whole purpose). We never actually swung with this couple, mainly because of her attitude towards everything and everyone involved.

Straight: This is the label that most women (outside of the swinging scene and some of them in the lifestyle) choose for themselves. It means that the woman has no interest in being sexual with another women. Nothing that would be considered foreplay with a man would be done with a woman. No cuddling, kissing, or anything - but the woman isn't necessarily afraid of being in sexual situations with another female body present. When I was swinging in a previous relationship, we met a couple where the woman was "straight." We rented a hotel room for the evening with two beds and we "couple swapped" each staying in our separate beds. Occasionally the men would tag team one or the other of us, and while we both enjoyed watching the other woman getting fucked by two men (often from only a few inches away from the action), there was no direct interaction between her and I.

Bi-Curious: This is the label that women pick when they have no experience with other women as of yet, but when they are open to getting some of that experience. They may go out and eat pussy the next chance they get or they may never touch a woman, but they are openminded towards the idea of being with another woman sexually. A bi-curious girl, once she gets enough actual playtime under her belt will usually change her label to either "heteroflexible" or "bisexual" - so this label is more of just a holding place for the open minded then an actual description of what a woman likes sexually (and I know this is probably MY personal definition more-so then what others would use this term to describe).

Heteroflexible: This is where I fall in the sexual spectrum. This is a woman who will do almost anything with another women as long as it's all in a fun playtime type situation. We are NOT attracted to women emotionally at all, and rarely would consider playing with a woman without having a man or men present in the room, but as long as it's a group activity, we are down for anything two women can do to each other. I have played with my girlfuckbuddy a couple times now and it feels so awesome to have my hands on her pussy, to feel her shudder and hear her moan and know that it's ME that is giving her that pleasure. I have always enjoyed kissing females, and hey, close your eyes and you've no idea what gender has gone down on you anyways, so as long as it feels good, it is good.

Bisexual - Women who are bisexual are just that - attracted to both sexes equally. These women could have boyfriends OR girlfriends and in a swinging situation will fuck either gender with equal gusto. Again in the previous swinging relationship I was in, we played with a couple who's female was bisexual. In the end, I couldn't play with them because she was not respectful of any limits/rules I had at the time. Eventually her and I got comfortable enough with each other that we shared her husband on occasion, but we never tried interacting because whenever we did since she was SO bisexual she couldn't stop herself from crossing all lines and making me uncomfortable. Her bisexuality led to her going out almost weekly and finding some chick to bang. And, when I became single and she would head out for the evening she would call me up and ask that I come entertain her husband for her. We coined the term husband-sitting for my services. Since I was single and not interested in a relationship and she wanted to go find a woman to fuck and her husband didn't want to sit at home alone, but didn't want to worry about taking a random girl home and that chick falling for him and messing up his marriage the situation worked perfectly for all involved.

Lesbian: This woman is basically the same as a straight woman, except replace the man in her life with another woman. She has no interest in interacting with a man, and would only be in a swinging scene with other women, or sharing a woman with the man, but not interacting directly with the men in the room.

Polyamorous: This really isn't a sexuality; it's a lifestyle. But, since so many of the people we've met in the swinging scene are polyamorous as well as whatever other sexual label they claim, I think it deserves it's own section here. You can be any one of the above labels AND polyamorous (or any one of the above labels and emotionally monogamous). Polyamorous women claim to not be able to handle monogamy and that they are able to love more then one person at a time. They often have a boyfriend AND and girlfriend and they may live with one or more of the people they are in relationships with. Sometimes the poly-woman's boyfriend and girlfriend are dating each other as well, so all three pile in the bed every night.

Personally, I cannot fathom feeling the love I have for my man for anyone else. It's because I love him with all my heart that I am able to swing with him and give him other women to enjoy and have his pleasure in fucking them bring me nothing but pleasure. If my heart was divided, then I could not care about him as much as I do, and I could not feel like swinging with him - for if my heart was divided I would live in constant fear that his heart could become divided by one of these women I share his body with and then he and I would not have US anymore. US is too important to both of us to ever risk losing us by dividing our hearts.

But, since we are just a emotionally monogamous swinging couple - we don't have anything to worry about. My man is stoked that I've decided to change my sexual label from straight to heteroflexible... in his words watching my girlfuckbuddy and I go at it it is "scorching and sizzling and just plain awesomeness." I believe that both him and her husband could have sat their on their respective couches and just watched her and I play on the living room rug all evening. But, they eventually left their seats and joined us. It made for a perfect orgy of limbs and cocks and wetness and heat. After awhile you lose track of whose hands are where and the orgasms overshadow the gender of the person with their tongue on your ass.

For some reason, women are allowed to be bisexual in our culture without ridicule or judgment yet men aren't afforded the same freedom. Honestly, most of the straight guys that I know don't seem to be very open towards men who feel otherwise... so kudos to you for being open and willing to understand! Like I said above, each of these labels could easily be applied to males as well, but since I'm a female I wrote this according to my desires and the other women that I've talked to about these topics.