Thursday, February 23, 2012

Callista Unleashes The FURRY On Innocent Arizona Tots

Callista Gingrich, wife of Republican presidential candidate, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, walks with Ellis the Elephant, a character from her childrens book, during a visit to Chaparral Elementary School on Wednesday, Feb. 22, 2012 in Gilbert, Ariz. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

This is just such a weird choice. Obviously Goddess Callista and Newt had to go to Arizona, and obviously The Queen needed to have something to do (after all, it's not like the Tiffany's in Scottsdale has a different selection from any other Tiffany's), so they apparently drew a random location from a hat and off she went to... Gilbert? Yes, Gilbert, probably the WASPiest/Catholiciest, whitest and least Mormon part of the Phoenix metropolitan area. OK, never mind, that isn't a weird choice. I guess it makes sense after all.

Moving on! OMG, it's that Ellis the Elephant furry again, the one we all hate with its cloven hooves and disquieting tiger-striped trunk. Ugh. And I'm sure you all will have something to say about that pantsuit, almost certainly a St. John's creation intended more for, you know, an elderly East Coast museum docent (don't be fooled by that Neiman Marcus model). Callista even appears to be hunching around like an old lady. Stop it! Callista, everybody knows you're twenty years younger than your husband! This is just ridiculous.

And then after all that, the deformed elephant that walks like a newt man, the pantsuit, THEN those poor kids had to sit through a reading of Callie's inane, corny children's book about American Exceptionalism 'n' stuff.

But let's get back on topic. Her hair looked great! Here's another shot:

And you know what? I think it's coming back to me: didn't a lot of newscaster ladies have that hairdo in the late 1980s and into the 90s? Didn't Bree Walker have a bubblehead at one point? (ANSWER: Sort of. Not really. Sorry, where was I?). There really should be a comprehensive database of newscaster hairdos available for such important research. Tsk.

Ellis is deeply disturbing, worse than Callie-Lou's weird posture in the first picture. The best sports mascots have such exaggerated and interesting facial features that your eye is never drawn to the groinal area.

Her little appearance at the library is kind of a big question mark on legality. Is this a campaign appearance that the Gingrich Campaign is paying for, or is it an appearance that “Gingrich Enterprises” (or “Gingrich Productions, or whatever shell company they used) is paying for? given this “Ellis the Elephant” is probably a copyright with “Gingrich Enterprises”, and she is most likely getting some income from it.. My guess that it is some sort of “Gingrich Enterprises” pr stunt, because it is happening at a library, and she will probably talk about her children’s book, about how slavery, Trail of Tears, lynching were all wonderful parts of “American Exceptionalism”..

I wouldn’t be surprise that the make up, the pants suit, the shoes, and the jewelry are written off as Business/Entertainment expenses.

Newt definitely has a weight problem when Ellis the Elephant/Gingrich campaign volunteer, looks much, much thinner than Mr. Cheerful... Ellis should come out with some diet tips as well for those who are close in breaking tax laws/campaign violations.

The cloven hooves. The weird stripes. The googly eyes. The groinal area. Yes, yes, those are all hinky as hell, but it's Ellis' terrifying, little pink rosebud at the end of its trunk that creeps me the fuck out. That said, nice facial frescoe Callie Lou. Gotta stay focused on the positive . . .