Message Boards

Topic : 05/06 Moochers

Number of Replies: 97

New Messages This Week: 0

Last Reply On:

Created on : Friday, May 02, 2008, 01:20:38 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

They drain your finances and try to take you for all you’ve got. No, it’s not the IRS, but family freeloaders! First up, when Ryan appeared on the show two years ago, he proudly wore the title King of All Moochers. His mother, Adele, was desperate to get him off the couch and out of her house. After the show, Adele took Dr. Phil’s advice and didn’t give Ryan one penny. But just when she thought her son was getting on his feet, she says Ryan was back to his old ways. She says he’s not contributing to the baby he has with his ex-girlfriend and is about to marry Tanya, a woman with a 5-year-old son, who is now pregnant with his child! Now that Ryan and Tanya have another baby on the way, Ryan says he’s serious about changing his mooching ways. Will he step up to the plate and be a father, or is Tanya just another victim of Ryan’s freeloading lifestyle? Then, Stacey says her 42-year-old brother, Mark, is bleeding her dry. He lives in her basement and hasn’t paid rent in three months. Mark says he’s not a moocher, and it’s not his fault he doesn’t have a job -- he’s just not a morning person. Stacey says her mother, Nell, is a big enabler when it comes to Mark, but is Stacey just as guilty? Will Mark hear the wake-up call before he finds himself on the streets? Tell us what you think.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

RE: moochers

I have been vicitmized by moochers and I watch my mother in law support her 54 yr old son that has never left home. They all have some common factors. Somehow they think that life for them must feel good or they quit. Jobs are only kept until a boss requires normal effort, then they quit and tell family the same story of being treated badly. They all have a long list of jobs where they were treated badly. The enablers that support their lazy backsides buy into their story. The moocher is well aware of what buttons to push and they like "guilt" and "fear." Those that love the moocher think that helping them will result in getting them to be responsible independant people. The problem is that moochers do not learn life skills when someone is standing between them and the sting of real life. In my opinion those character types that mooch should be given tough love. In order to function in life your "sword" needs to be sharp, and the only way to get sharp is to spend some time getting ground by the wheel. Because death is a part of life, it is absolutely tragic for a moocher to be thrust into the working world with no life skills, and at an age when others are retiring. Moocher enablers are setting them up for potential poverty and dispair by not requiring them to get on their feet before their meal ticket leaves this earth. If we truly love those that mooch off of us, we need to treat them like children. Make a clear demand of them, and if they hurt themselves to get your money then you need to say "wow that must hurt, you better fix that." Moochers that wave their children in front of them as a way of getting money are the bottom of the barrell. That is a nightmare if you ask me. Good old fashion values are needed. Moochers that get pregnant should be given some really hard facts about the cost of life........they have no right to reproduce and expect society to carry them and their kids. Once again tough love is in order. Cut the bank to a moocher and when they are done pitching the inevitable fit, they will get any job that comes along, and look at it this way - the anger that they have at the enabler might inspire them to achieve more than they ever did before. Just my thoughts.

05/06 Moochers

We really never heard the entire story with the first girlfriend...what I am getting at, is the fact that he wasn't there during the pregnancy with her for whatever reasons...it could have been that she had kicked him out right after she found out that she was PG. It's hard to bond with a baby when you are told to get out of their life. Now with this second one he is there for her and wants to be a part of the baby's life and who knows...he might then realize what he is missing by not being there for his first child. What he did the first time was totally wrong, I am not making excuses for him....but we do learn from our mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance. They are obviously are in love and want this to work...why is Dr. Phil telling them to not even give it a chance??? So that would mean another fatherless baby in the world.

OMG did you watch the show? his daugher live in his mothers home, how hard is it to go see your child when they live where you grow up, and you are welcomed there.and how hard is it to send monies to the address you learned in grammer school, NO sorry, he just moved on to the newest sucker that would take him , he cheated on her already!!!! history repeating it self.

As long as people like you make excuses for men like Ryan, they will be happy to sit on the couch and let you take care of them.

moochers

The parents are the ones to blame for their children being moochers, they give them everything, and do not make them responsible adults. I have 3 grown children-my youngest is 31. My children were given the necessary things that they needed, if they wanted something that I couldn't afford, I would tell them, that they had to EARN IT. They were taught that money did not grow on tress,that we had to work hard for what we had, we encouraged them to finish school, so that they can afford the finer things in life, we also taught them, that people did not respect moochers.

It is up to the parents to be tough, heck if I was given everything I wanted without having to lift a finger, why would I work? I don't blame the moochers, I blame the dumb people that are supporting them.

I would give him a time frame,and let him know if you haven't found a job by this time, your personal belongings will be on the street, these are not children, but adults that CAN fend for themselves.

And while staying with you, they have to help around the house with chores, and they can just bring their friends over with out asking first. So again, I do not feel sorry for these people, get a backbone and do what's right.

Real Story

OMG did you watch the show? his daugher live in his mothers home, how hard is it to go see your child when they live where you grow up, and you are welcomed there.and how hard is it to send monies to the address you learned in grammer school, NO sorry, he just moved on to the newest sucker that would take him , he cheated on her already!!!! history repeating it self.

As long as people like you make excuses for men like Ryan, they will be happy to sit on the couch and let you take care of them.

Here are some "what ifs" to consider: (Not excuses)

First, what if, the WHOLE story was not told on this show?

What if, Ryan and the baby's mother lived together throughout the pregnancy and until the baby was two months old?

What if, that is when Ryan's mother and the mother of his baby moved into a house together and Ryan was not allowed to move in with them?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby was the one that refused to work on their relationship?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby received way more support than she claimed?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is "MOOCHING?"

What if, Ryan is not allowed or welcome to visit his mother and/or brother without the permisson of the mother of his baby?

What if, Ryan was not even allowed to see his mother on "Mother's Day."

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is determined to do everything she can to keep him from having a relationship with his daughter?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is doing everything she can to turn all of Ryan's family against him?

05/06 Moochers

What if, Ryan and the baby's mother lived together throughout the pregnancy and until the baby was two months old?

What if, that is when Ryan's mother and the mother of his baby moved into a house together and Ryan was not allowed to move in with them?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby was the one that refused to work on their relationship?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby received way more support than she claimed?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is "MOOCHING?"

What if, Ryan is not allowed or welcome to visit his mother and/or brother without the permisson of the mother of his baby?

What if, Ryan was not even allowed to see his mother on "Mother's Day."

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is determined to do everything she can to keep him from having a relationship with his daughter?

What if, the mother of Ryan's baby is doing everything she can to turn all of Ryan's family against him?

What if, Ryan has NOT cheated on the woman he is with now?

Would you sill evaluate the story in the same way?

And, finally........

What if, nobody ever got a second chance?

What if everything was true about Ryan, wait thats not a what if, when Ryan said so himself!!!!!!! Ryan did cheat on his new babys mamma, Ryan is not taking care of his daughter didn't even bother to show up in court and lied about it why he didn't, and the old babys mamma is paying rent in Ryans mothers home.

and heres the biggest what if : what if people like you didn't make excuses for Ryan, and stopped holding his hand and let him walk like a MAN.

oh boy

i got 3 daugther! one of them i pay childsupport! all the ex has to do is get it ordered and he will mooch no more! trust me!! i pay 463.00 a month for my oldest, and still have to take care of my other 2 children! i live check to check but bills are payed and the children have what they need! and i dont even get to see my oldest daugther but i still pay my childsupport!

Thank you Sharperk

These types of men abuse you and you won't even know it, they use every penny you have, take from your and his children, refuse to 'allow' you to buy for your children the things they need! I know I was married to this same type, he did, after my divorce get a job, supposedly got hurt, sued, etc... I believe he is on his 3rd law suit and our area is small so I do hope he is caught! Anyway, I was an abused child, not from family but from a family friend who babysat his sister and I while I was maybe 4 or 5 years old, set my entire life into a very sad situation, and we, I believe, who were abused sexually, feel as though we deserve to be treated and used, that is what happens to our brains! I know differently now! But for many years, I felt I wore a flashing sign on my forehead, abuse me, I am worthless!!! Since counseling I know differently, and we think we know, but we always settled for less than we should have, never look for love by getting pregnant, you will have another mouth to feed and you will have to do all the work and feeding! Listen to all of your family, they love and want what is best for you! Sorry to hear that your excuses are allowing that person to control you even before you are married, when I married my first husband, I was told I was his property the day after our wedding, on our way home from the hotel we stayed in, my mind just went blank and I stayed way too long! get out before you have 5 children you can't feed, because you will end up working to do everything, I mean everything, including cutting the grass, snow ,if you live where there is snow, fix it all around the house, he will do nothing, just say 'I will' and never do it! Get out; family wants what is best for you, not to punish you!

I wanted to thank you for your post physical abuse on board #2841. And I read some of your posts in 2005 and WOW, our stories sound really similar in regards to abusive husbands. I was even molested at the same age your were and it does change people, that is why I want to protect my child from his family - his mother tried to say porn cartoons were okay for my daughter to see because she was breastfeed - that is some very abnormal stuff.

Kevin is also the type who wants to sue everyone too. He wanted to sue Amerigas, Crystal Waters, and now Southeast for 'wrongful termination' yet he refuses to admit he did not do all he could do to keep his job. And when we first married I had a nice savings that I put on our home down & insurance - the large beautiful Southern Colonial seen on a Model's Dangerous Marriage. Then he threatened to quit and was suspended and then fired RIGHT before I gave birth prematurely due to an assault from him. So then all the money I have left which I saved before I ever met him so that I could have a baby and stay home with the child in my future was spent.

I have found his jobs since then, I called to make his appts to be hired, and I made his resumes. If I don't, he won't work. And that money has never been restored and put back into savings by him because he spent hundreds a month at times drinking, etc. I think some men make sure to spend ALL the available money so that their wives cannot save anything to leave them. And I think that other men will not 'let go' of some women without violence because of the money that she is worth or can generate (yet as they use their money & expertise & business knowledge and connections they will call them stupid and other nasty things).

If they mooch before marriage, that is not a good sign. Men should be the providers and be able to provide before marriage and children come along. Some moochers 'appear' to be provider-like and talk the talk before marriage and turn into moochers after marriage too (beware if they always pay with credit or live at home with their parents). I just recently realized that some men will even marry younger women and they do not make solid retirement plans so they expect their wives to work to pay for their retirement as they sit and watch tv all day - I am 12 years younger than my husband and he loves the tv and movies, he has not made any real moves to actually putting solid savings or retirement contributions into the plans that we 'talked about' and even 'wrote down' before marriage.

Nor does he care at all about a plan for my retirement - finances are important - I have a finance degree and I worked in investments, for the finance department in a small city, and I taught business and tech - I had wanted to retire early and not have any debt. The more I worked, though I 'stayed at home' and homeschooled yet at the same time I also had rental businesses, I renovated a home to sell, I cleaned building in the downtown of our city, and I taught a mom and child's fitness class - the more was spent (and I will also add that I brought my daughter to work with me! and I will also add that Kevin was so abusive that he would show up at my job and hit me - it is like he likes to see if he can get away with it right under peoples noses - then some of my bosses though my husband was SO nice for stopping by my job and when I said that he hit me, they did not believe Kevin would do such a thing!). And Kevin also expected me to do and fix EVERYTHING at home and at the rentals. Since I refused to mow lawns, he would mow about twice a year and the weeds would be taller than us (we have an acre). The bible has a proverb about the sluggard who sleeps all morning and turns on his bed - don't marry a sluggard or a moocher, you're life will be very hard even if your are superwoman - it will be like having a 240 pound 3 year old forever.