Ya picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille!

How does God view marriage?

“Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Heb. 13:4)

Seems pretty cut and dry, huh? God is the originator of marriage, and so He views marriage as sacred. With that being said, don't you think God also wants us to be happy in our marriage? When you're dating, everything is so happy and fun and full of awesomeness, you get all giggly and dreamy when he asks you to marry him, you plan the wedding, go on your hunnymoon and then everything is hunky-dory.

Right. And I'm gonna make a million dollars off of this blog.

Things go well for awhile, you play house, you make his favorite dinner, he takes you out dancing, you're all lovey-dovey all the time, you find yourself making out in the canned food aisle at Aldi, the two of you are like a bliss sandwich.

until..

"Honey! Did you get the positive pregnancy test I packed with your lunch today??"

So in the beginning you're puking your guts up and you miss work and you can't go out dancing or drinking and the very THOUGHT of making out makes you wanna hurl (since that's exactly what got you into this mess in the first place) so now hubby is living the "for better or for worse, yadda yadda" vow.

When the twins come, you're exhausted and he's wanting to jump out the 2nd story window and you're feeling frumpy and unattractive because you had a c-section and your boobs are leaky and he feels neglected because the twins get more of you than he does... (deep breath) and going out with the guys for a beer or three is looking better and better by the minute.

But what does God say about the roles of a husband and wife?

Colossians 3:18 & 19 says You wives, be in subjection to your husbands, as it is becoming in the Lord. You husbands, keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.

There it is in black and white, yet this reminds me of when a parent tells a child for the umpteen billionth time to clean their room or brush their teeth or stop bullying their sibling. Just because you hear it doesn't mean it's going to be heeded. What if, after many years of marriage, children, etc, the husband and wife get so comfortable with each other that they start using "abusive speech" towards each other? Instead of saying please and thank you, orders are barked and snide and sarcastic tones are the norm. Since when do we act like that with someone we deeply (or once deeply) love? Do we speak this way when we're with our best friend? Shouldn't your spouse be your best friend? Ephesians 4:31 & 32 say to put away from yourselves every kind of malicious bitterness, anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech, as well as everything injurious. But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you. Again, we all know what we SHOULD do, but when we're in that moment of anger or frustration or I've just (insert expletive here) had it with you, we aren't thinking about how we should be acting like Snow White and Prince Charming.

What about divorce? How does God view the treacherous ending of His sacred institution? Malachi 2:16 should come as no shock, for God said "I hate divorce", and the one who covers his garment with violence. God is just and loving and forgiving and all words that are kind, yet He uses the word "hate" in this scripture. Hate is a pretty strong word. The Oxford Dictionary says "intense or passionate dislike". We get the idea.

A great book of the Bible to read is Ephesians. It talks about the family and who has what role and how we can best live our role to be good husbands, wives and children. Not only does this make for a calmer, more loving and respectful household, it brings honor and glory to God Himself, and the results bring happiness and rich blessings. God understands that sometimes there will be quarrels, disagreements, maybe even a tantrum from a child, but the important part is not letting that fester into something ugly. If each and every member of your household upholds his and her own role in the family, you may just live happily ever after.

aahhhhhhh... perfect bliss.....

The silent treatment. One of the deadliest weapons in marriage.

This is my hope for Steve and I if I don't need to hide his body first.

Comments

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sending

AUTHOR

Lori Dudley

24 months agofrom Upper Gwynedd, PA

I read this to my husband and as I read it the second and third time, it's amazing how your three reasons for divorce were spot on. I remember when I got married the first time and I have to admit, I was not in love with him. I liked him alot, but I wasn't sure about the love part. He was really good to me, he was handsome, he was sweet and I really enjoyed his company. Yet, there were still things about him that I wasn't quite sure about. I was a single mother at the time, I didn't marry my son's father and I think he was around 2 and a half at the the time. He was the only person I dated that didn't seem to care that I already had a kid. After my son was about 2 years old, I started looking for a mate. I loved him more than anything and yet after a few years, I needed some adult companionship since Elmo just wasn't cutting it. I met my husband, we did things by ourselves but we also mostly did things together. I liked that and it was important for me that my son had a "normal" family. That's where I went wrong. While my intentions were good, wanting a father figure for my son and wanting a companion in my life, I got married for the wrong reasons. We lasted from December of 1997 until the day of our divorce in December of 2006. I did not want to be one of those "divorce statistics" when I got married and I vowed to stay married for better or for worse. Well, the worse was more than I wanted to be a part of. As a Christian myself, I was torn between the well-being of my son and I and having God mad at me. I came to the conclusion that God knows what's going on and as one of His precious children, He would not want us to be unhappy. I was mad at myself for awhile but yet the fact that my son and I were free from all that was going on in our lives felt good. To this day I wish no ill-will on my ex-husband. I pray that he gets the help he needs to overcome his problems and I wish nothing but the best for him in his life. Being married the first time made it easier for me to not sweat the small stuff in this marriage. My current husband and I have a lot of similarities but we also have our differences. I'm his first marriage and I know I bug the living daylights out of him. We have been together from 2006 til today and I am hoping for many more years. I have 2 more children since Steve and I have been married and my life is complete. Our lives are a constant work in progress and we're all okay with that. Thanks again for your response to my article. I hope others read it as well because I see a lot of nodding heads as a result!

AUTHOR

Lori Dudley

24 months agofrom Upper Gwynedd, PA

I have been divorced. I enjoyed reading your reply. Thank you so much for commenting!

dashingscorpio

24 months ago

Most of the world is not made up of Christians and even those people who are Christians still get divorced.

The reality is human beings do make mistakes in every area of their lives including choosing the "wrong mate" for themselves.

When it's all said and done a divorce is a public admission that a mistake was made in the mate selection process.

Anyone who says divorce is taking the "easy way out" most likely is someone who has never actually gone through one.

My guess is God would not have sanctioned many marriages that take place today. I believe there are three basic reasons why couples divorce.

1. They chose the wrong mate for themselves.

A lot of people pursue relationships without figuring out who (they) are let alone what they want/need in a mate for life. They allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance to dictate their relationship choices.

That's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

2. They got married for the wrong reasons.

Someone had an "age goal", all of their friends were married, there was an unplanned pregnancy, an ultimatum was given, someone in the military was about to be deployed, their mate is wealthy, just got tired of dating or being in a relationship without the legal benefits of marriage that would come in the event the relationship failed....etc

A marriage based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail.

3. They fail out of love or stopped wanting the same things over time.

We're either "growing together" or "growing apart". Communication is the GPS for marriages and relationships that lets couples know which direction they are headed in.

Most people entering a marriage want to believe they are on the same page regarding major life decisions. If you had discussed having children prior to marriage and after getting married your spouse tells you they no longer want to have or raise children. You'd have to make a decision.

There is no amount of "work" or "communication" that can overcome being with someone who simply does not want what you want.

Another common thing we observe is people treat "the new" better than the "tried and true". As you noted in the beginning they bend over backwards to impress and please one another. There's plenty of laughter, romance, long conversations, and gifts/cards/flowers "just because". They make each other's happiness a top priority.

Naturally a couple starts to believe they are "soul-mates".

For some people commitment means they get to STOP doing all of the things that caused their mate to fall "in love" with them without having to fear he or she will leave them.

In their eyes pulling a "bait and switch" is normal and to be expected!

It's almost a cliché to hear a disappointed or unhappy person say:

"He/she is not the same person I fell in love with."

In no other scenario is there an expectation that things will remain the same if we STOP doing the things that got us what we wanted.

If you quit going to work you lose your job, stop paying your mortgage you house is foreclosed, stop paying your car note and your car gets reprocessed, stop nurturing a garden and it dies...etc.

When we change our circumstances change.

Every healthy person has their own "deal breakers" and boundaries.

“While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions” – Stephen R. Covey

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