Wayne Rooney declared missing person by Manchester police

Wayne Rooney's performance in the Manchester derby was akin to someone who'd only recently become acquainted with a round object known as a 'ball', and it was a similar story on Saturday during United's goalless draw against Crystal Palace.

It's all the more difficult to watch as we know what he's capable of when the stars align - you don't become England's top goalscorer for nothing; and he's just two goals away from moving into second place of the all-time goalscorers for Manchester United.

But some people have no mercy - including the unnamed operator of the Greater Manchester Police twitter account, who declared Rooney a 'missing person' after leading the line in a game which saw United's goalless run extend to 325 minutes, with just one shot on target in the entire match.

The tweet was removed shortly afterwards - we're not entirely sure that the constabulary should be inflaming tensions one way or the other in a city passionate about both its teams - but you have to admit, they do have a point.