Signing Off

There’s nothing funny about eating at Subway 8 times a week,
but only showering once.

There’s nothing funny about being called on unprepared and
falling on your face in front of 120 classmates. And even less that’s funny about being called
on when you’re prepared, only to fail anyway.

There’s probably nothing funny about six-figure student loan debt. Though, if you think about it, seven-figure
student loan debt would be pretty hilarious. But there’s definitely nothing funny about
having your whole night ruined by an improperly italicized em-dash. Or period. Or space. And there’s nothing
funny about spending your whole life studying and taking tests only to then
take a test that will allow you to spend three more years studying and taking
tests, after which, as a reward, you get to study for and take the stupidest
test in the history of tests.

No, looking back at it, there really wasn’t much of anything
funny about law school.

But somehow we still managed to laugh. Quite a bit, I think.

So . . . try to remember that. Try to remember that, yes, we are going into
a humorless business full of uptight, soulless pricks. But it can only stay a business full of uptight, soulless pricks if we all in fact become uptight, soulless pricks.

So here’s to the eternal preservation of the soul, the
endless suppression of uptight prickery.

Here’s to getting a laugh out of the law everyday. And not a lame, bullshit laugh like “Heh-heh,
that guy went to a state school” or “Oh man, she must have missed the
bonus this year--she’s shopping at Banana
Republic.”

Make it a real laugh.

Here’s to dropping the Ludacris footnote into your judge’s opinion, or the GHB in the hiring partner’s coffee, or your pants at the firm
Christmas banquet. Here’s to providing
fodder for the hundreds of law students blogging about their clerkships each
summer. Here’s to setting aside a few
minutes out of each day--each of the thousands of days we’ll spend in this
serious profession--to take ourselves a little less than seriously. Seriously.

It’s been an odd but rewarding experience to inflict myself
upon the world for the last three years, and during that time this blog has managed
to poke into my real life in more ways than I ever could have expected. It got me a job. It got me called out in class. It got me tens of tens of dollars in
advertising revenue, and one time it even got me sweet concert tickets. But I’ve needed to call it quits for quite
some time, and that time is finally now.

The hope: That putting an end to my blogging activities will
finally force me to finish at least one of the countless “legitimate” writing
projects I’ve started since puberty.

The reality: Don’t be surprised when you stumble upon the
anonymous blog of a Texas practitioner whose obsession with Russian gymnasts and his own rock-hard abs
seems more than a little familiar.

I’d like to thank everyone who’s read this over the last 40
months, particularly those who’ve taken the time to comment, or those who came
here looking for porn. I liked to think
of my comments section as a sort of treehouse for law students who didn’t have
time to meet in a real treehouse, which, now that I type it, is sort of sad and
makes me wish that I’d just built a treehouse instead. But, anyway, thanks for
reading.

I’d like to thank the network administrators at each and
every American law school for making wireless internet access available in
classrooms. Without you, my readership would
have consisted mainly of my mom. (And maybe Professor Brian Leiter, provided
that I took the time to mention him so that his weekly self-Google would bring
him here.)

I’d like to thank my wife, who put up with this shit, and
only rarely took the time to make fun of me on my own blog.

And last, but most importantly, I’d like to thank
Harriet Miers, without whom none of this would have been possible.

What a gracious exit. I echo the "thank you"'s, it's been a true pleasure. I'm looking forward to stumbling across the anonymous blog that is sure to follow (you can't really give all THIS up, can you?)...

We suffered through 1L year together, although at different schools, and - well, kind of one-sided, since I am not a frequent commenter. Thank you for providing some perspective, some humor, and the ever-popular "I HARE CONFLACTS!" cheer, which ran through my mind while taking the bar. Did it help? Probably not, but it made me giggle. Best of luck, dude. I'll miss this blog.

i don't think i have ever commented, but you have given me many laughs over the past 3 years. i was in your section and a few classes, and well, not only were you brilliant there, but you were also brilliant here. good luck and thanks!

This is a great blog, and I'm still going to keep your "Best of" page linked in my own sidebar - it's cracked me and my friends up since we first found it this summer and I hope will continue to as long as the page sticks around. It's good advice/humor/commiseration for all law students, and is an interesting, insightful, and hilarious read even in hindsight.

I've never commented before, but THANK YOU! You made my first year bearable in more ways that one, while either spacing during a boring Contracts lecture or reading up on Harriet Myers during Con Law. I'm gonna miss this blog, so I hope to hear about some random Russian gymnasts, SOON! Good luck to you!

I will never think of the phrase "Motion for Change of Venue" the same way ever again. Hate to see you go, but as Louis the 14th said on his deathbed...Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal? All good things come to an end. Farewell. See you on the Bestseller List!

Mike,
Really enjoyed your blog for the past year, but thanks especially (to you and everyone at UT--students, faculty, and administration alike) for giving me and 59 of my classmates a place to land last fall when things got a bit damp in New Orleans. Wings and Vodka often gave me something to smile about when things weren't exactly all gumdrops and fairy dust. Take care--Ben