Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Good.

Your comments after I've been away from blogging for so long were unexpected and very humbling.

I never anticipated getting that type of response to a blog that I thought was so pointless.

It was truly encouraging.

And it made me realize something important...

What helped me through the hardest times of my life, was you-

All of you who care and continue to care.

So thank you... again.

Someone mentioned my sister and her new baby.

And then it hit me... I haven't posted about them since I told you guys she was pregnant! I've been in a little hole for so long that I haven't even shared my new nephew with you guys. Well, I guess he's not really new anymore...

he is already 10 months old!

And he surely has my heart...

Samuel Lawton Welt was born on December 14, 2012.

He has the prettiest blue eyes you'll ever see.

He lives exactly 7.5 hours too far away from his Nanny.

Nanny, Grammy, and Papa try to visit as often as we can, and Samuel, Mommy and Daddy try to come visit here in Louisiana, too. But when we aren't with each other, we try to FaceTime a couple of times a week (so he remembers us!)

Samuel's Daddy just came back from his deployment of 4.5 months overseas.

I'm sure you can imagine the joy when they were all reunited again :)

Watching my sister become a mom was bittersweet.

Only because, I had always imagined us being moms together- taking the cousins on adventures together, dressing them up and taking pictures together, doing almost everything together.

And when Samuel was born, and I didn't have my Tripp there to meet him... well, I was sad.

I'm not going to lie and say that it was easy, because it wasn't.

I was jealous she had her baby and I didn't have mine.

I went through many phases-

the really sad one and the "it's not fair" one.

But I know now, those feelings were normal- and they were something that I had to go through to get where I am today...

A proud sister and a proud aunt.

Because I'll tell you one thing... my sister is one hell of a mom.

To watch her be a mommy to Samuel is simply a joy.

I'm in awe.

She's so patient. So loving. And so completely selfless.

A true definition of the word mother.

My sweet Samuel loves to read books.

He's going to be a bookworm just like his Mommy and Daddy.

He loves being outside.

And most importantly (in my eyes of course),

he loves his Nanny.

I think a certain little angel might have had something to do with this love connection.

:)

But the comment that got me was this one:

I think in a world of crazy, people look for that shining example of good. That's why I come back. You are so good.

Seriously? That's probably the greatest compliment I could ever receive.

Because in the past 2 years, that is what I have strived for and it is what I am still striving for every day...

to be a good person.

Just as I'm sure that it's something most people strive for.

But what are my reasons for striving to be good?

1. I have to get to heaven. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And I'm not knocking anyone's beliefs here, (I totally respect everyone's beliefs and hope you all will also respect mine :) but I don't think that just because I believe in Jesus Christ that I will get to spend eternity with Him. It's easy to "say" you believe. What's not easy, is to live your life for Jesus, in prayer, living the sacraments, doing good deeds, and loving your neighbor. That is not easy. But I don't believe it's meant to be easy. If it was easy, He wouldn't be warning us over and over again that this is what we need to be doing.

2. I spent most of my life (before becoming Tripp's mom), judging people without even knowing it. That person talks funny, that person dresses weird, acts weird... instead of judging from the inside.

If someone looked or did something differently than I did, I thought it was okay to just casually talk about them. Or maybe I didn't think it was okay- I knew better- but that didn't stop me.

But when God gave me a child that was different, it was like He slapped me in the face, trying to open my eyes. And though it's still very hard (it's human nature) I'm trying not to be so judgmental.

We have no idea what's going on in someone's life. Or why we think someone looks funny or acts funny. Every single person is fighting their own battle, whether it's internal or external- whether we can see it or can't see it. I try to remember that. Because God knows I'm still fighting a battle of my own. It's not nice to hurt other people- we are all in this together. We are supposed to be helping each other. No matter what or who you think the other person is.

3. The world needs it. I struggle with this. I struggle with the examples kids are getting these days (I know, I'm only 28... I'm still a kid myself... yada yada... but I feel like my mind is a lot older, ok?). The things on TV that anyone has access to watch, are appalling. The movies in the theater that kids are watching, are disturbing. I will never forget being 12 years old and my parents not letting me go to my best friend's birthday party because they were going to be watching a PG-13 movie. I thought they were the worst parents ever. But now I get it. There has to be rules. There has to be boundaries. And most of all, there has to be an EXAMPLE. Kids these days don't have good examples. Just watching a football game or a baseball game, when the camera is put on the players (these "supposed to be" role models for kids) and they show them mouthing the F bomb... Seriously, you make a bajillion dollars a year- show some respect. And I won't even get into Miley Cyrus... you get the point. Kids are searching for good examples. How do we expect the next generation to be good if we don't show them what good is??? If you think it's okay, your child will. If you settle for it, your child will. If you curse every other word, your child will. If you gossip and talk about people, your child will. If you skip church, your child will. They watch you. They look up to you. You are all they have. Be a good example. I want to be a good example. Even if it's to just one person. It has to start somewhere.

Being good is a choice.

You aren't born good.

You don't just become good.

It's how we handle our life experiences and how we use what God gives us. And we are all human... so we can never be good enough- there will always be room for improvement (no matter how good we think we already are). But you know what the best part is? God is always on our side and He always wants us to try.

61 comments:

Courtney, this is an amazing post. The insights are an excellent reminder to us all. That is all I tell my children that I want them to be when they grow up good. And we are their examples. Thank you so much for writing again, you have been missed, but never forgotten!

Love you, sweet girl, and I love your heart so much. I didn't comment the other day (my mother was in emergency surgery) but I wanted to. I have missed you blogging. I missed your spirit and your words, whether you were down or up....just sharing life and this crazy journey you've been on. I know that sometimes it is hard to write and you have to stop - we all get that - but so grateful when you are able to come back, as well. Thanks for your example...

Courtney - You are the definition of good. You continue to inspire myself and so many others on such an incredible level. I know we've met a couple times, and we've never really talked, but let me be one of the many to say that you are an inspiration. I look up to you, and pray that I am being half the Mom you are. <3

I'm so happy u blogged again so quickly! Courtney I need to explain to u how much u and Tripp have changed my life. How u described urself before Tripp is the way I am and I'm trying sohard to be better, I'm young like u I'm 27. I believe in Jesus and I believe in heaven most of the time but I had my doubt's and thinking what if there is no God? And months back I learned about Tripp ,just after his 4th birthday and I was a mess. I had fallen in love with him and was truly heartbroken that he was no longer on this earth. I felt a pain literally for days and decided to go out with my kids to the park and try to function normally again. When I went out I saw a beautiful butterfly and instantly. I believed it was a sign from Tripp or God or some1 from above just rreassuriing me that Tripp is OK, he is not gone. Now more then ever in my life ibelieve without that hint of doubt that God is here and Tripp is In heaven. Since that day I have had many little signs reassuring me and I am so grateful because I feel like everyday I'm trying to better and trying to get closer to God. And u r a beautiful example for me honestly I look at u as a role model, (because u r so right we are definantly lackling in that. Dept if miley cyrus is who little girls look up to) and Tripp is the angel that changed me for the better.

at a time when the world feels like a disaster with all of the unjust and unrest in this country, it is a breath of fresh air hearing from you. You are so inspiring. You have inspired me as a mother and as a person and I thank you for that.

You are a beautiful and amazing witness! God has used you to deliver His message in the most amazing way and I'm so blessed to read your blog. May God continue to Bless you and we continue to Pray for you!

The comment that got you, "You are so good", was so true! My mom and I followed your story since 2010. She was battling terminal cancer and I know she enjoyed reading your posts, seeing that you were fighting a battle too. Your faith and positive thoughts were important to her and she would often ask me if you had updated your blog. When they moved my mom to hospice in May 2012 I sent you an email. I told you how we had followed your blog, how my mom had sent a little drum ornament to Tripp that xmas you decorated his tree, and how inspirational you were to my mom. I asked if you would mind sending her an email to brighten her day, and you did. You should have seen the look on her face when she looked at me....knowing I must have had something to do with you contacting her. So I agree and disagree with you....people do chose to be good, but I also believe you were born good and God put you on this earth to be a shining example to others of how a traumatic battle can strengthen our faith. Glad you are back to blogging, think of you often.

Hello, I'm from Brazil but I've been living in New Orleans for the past 9 years. The day Tripp passed I saw his picture on Facebook and it had a link to your blog. I spend the rest of that day reading your blog, watching his videos, crying... laughing. There something about him that just touched my heart, like very deep inside. He is special, and so are you.

I'm so happy to see new posts Courtney! I want to read anything you have to write - happy, sad, boring, repetitive....we all care so much about you. We miss Tripp so much, and we miss you when you don't write. And this post is such a _good_ reminder of why we follow you :)

So happy to see your sister reunited with her husband! You are right- all we can do is work to be good! Love this post- our little glimpse into your live- what an honor. I wish your sister was closer- but I am sure when you get together it's as if you haven't missed a beat together! Have a beautiful week!

So good to have you back - I've missed your posts. They are always so honest, and full of so much love. You say you appreciate how much we all love you, but we really love that you have loved us all enough to share so much of your life with us, even when it hurt. :-)

I would expect seeing your Sister with her baby is a bit like I've felt with best friends who are pregnant and have babies after our four losses. . . happy for them while still, so very sad for yourself. It's SUCH a mixed bag of emotion with that!

As far as the rest of what you said. . . Best sermon I've heard this week---and I went to church Sunday. :)

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You continue to inspire me to be a better mom, wife, and follower of Christ. Your writing is a blessing to so many. Continued prayers of blessings and peace in your life!

It is wonderful to be an auntie! I imagine your sister learned a lot about motherhood and the kind of mom she wanted to be from watching both you and your mom care for Tripp. Not to mention that your mom obviously did more than a few things right when it came to raising you and your sister ;) What a blessing to have such *good* examples to emulate!

You are simply amazing. I may be older than you but I strive to be like you :) You are the example of 'good' and I appreciate that. You are surely blessed and I am thankful for your blog and inspiration. Sending much love you way all the way from Hawai'i! Mahalo and Aloha!

You are so kindhearted and genuine in your words!!! Courtney God has a plan for you and I think you are doing it. Tripp and you touched so many people.....really touched them. I can't think of a better person than you!!!! You have a beautiful angel on your shoulder and he is so proud to call you mommy. You are a mother and your son is with you always. When you are with that precious nephew, Tripp is sitting on your shoulder. Ask Samuel when he is old enough to talk, if he sees Tripp. He will tell you "Yes", because he can and you can feel him. You are a good person............you are Tripp's mom forever!!!!!!

I agree with you- it takes work to live in heaven. Not to many people realize that but I believe it is not easy but will be worth it! I know you carry a this recessive gene but I hope you can have another baby. Not to replace Tripp but to build your family. Families are central to God's Plan Of Happiness. Perhaps with a new gene pool there will be a miracle for you and Stephen. So sorry your baby isn't with you. Children sent with ailments are protected from the evil world and I know they are given more wisdom to cope. He knew you were a great mom doing the best for him! Your a great mom and Tripp will be cheering you on and will be an anchor in heaven for you!

You are an inspiration to all of us who have been your online blog friends for a long time now. I hope to grow up and become just like you, to recognize all the wrong and to work hard at being the best and realizing that people are real, they have feelings and they need our love not our judgment. I too have been guilty of this in my past, I have become a Christian just in the past twelve years of my life and I find my self still working, still learning and you help me learn. You have a Christ like heart, soft, true and gentle. Your nephew is so sweet and if you don't think Tripp played a part in the love you too share, oh, I have not drought that he did... He is still watching out for you, he is your connection to Heaven, working from the other side. Always look up, always keep your sights forward and keep inspiring all of us out here that love you, care and want to become just like you.... Praying for you with love... Debi from Idaho

I'm so glad that you are blogging again, Courtney! Recently, a friend borrowed my laptop and went to open a new tab while browsing the internet. They saw the blog and Tripp's sweet smile and of course they were shocked. 'What is wrong with that baby's face?!' I loved being able to explain EB and change her heart. Congratulations on your handsome nephew! Becoming an aunt is one of the best, best, best things that ever happened to me :) Also, I completely agree that faith without works is dead! I'm also glad that my sister is choosing to homeschool with a Catholic-based curriculum.

ok so I wasn't sure how to comment and I think I figured it out- whoop whoop!I have been dying and was to the point where I was about to stalk you and find your mailing address to send a card to encourage you to blog again! your fiancée- wedding plans- new house (if your nephew is already 10 months then you must be in the new house right?) please continue... keep them coming!

So glad to see you posting again. I am inspired by you and Tripp's love every day. We have fallen in love with you and your family not just Tripp. It makes me happy that you're updating us again. Pray for you often and hope you are having a good day.

I get so excited to see a new post from you Courtney! You are an inspiration to all! An encouragment and a blessing! Your life resonantes the meaning of "good"! I am so blessed to keep up with you and listen to your words of wisdom! God is truly working through you, and like your post said, in a world of crazy, everyone needs uplifting! Thank you for continuing to share your life, dreams, thoughts, everything with us. God Bless!!!

I'm also sitting here wonder why I - random Minnesotan in Germany who doesn't know you - am drawn to your blog. I'm a music therapist, so of course i loved the drumming (!!!!!). But I think the real answer is: it's fascinating and inspiring to see such raw, fearless love. It's scary to love with that much abandon...but it just might be worth it.

Courtney, we all get a "slap in the face" from God in different ways, and my heart aches for you. That's why it's so amazing, and so giving of you to share your experience with us...... and so important. Your blog should not stop because little Tripp is now whole and in paradise. :) He was perfect while he was here with you, just not by the world's standards, but by God's standards. His smile and joyous little face just glowed with the love of God. I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a painful experience, and I'm so happy that you're going to be with him again someday. I truly hope that you will continue blogging and let us share in your experience of what God is still teaching you. Thanks so much for reaching out to other people, even through your own pain. You know, Jesus said that whoever acknowledges Him here on earth, He will acknowledge that person before his Father in heaven (Matthew 10:32). You will be blessed for praising God through this. I admire you so much, and the person who commented that you are so good, she was right! You are good, and you are amazing :)

You don't know me, but I have followed you for years. Blessings. I wish to see you happy - hope you are considering/or married? thinking of looking ahead, even while knowing you and Tripp have such a rich life to learn/love from. Perhaps I just keep checking because I know God loves you and wants you to know you are loved and blessed, and deserve joy.

I am so glad to see a new post from you. You are a walking example of Christ's love and I look forward to seeing what else He has planned for you. You know this already, but stay strong and take it one day at a time. Good luck as you continue the journey God has placed before you.You deserve love and joy. Tripp will make sure you get it again.

LOVE everything about this!!! It took me having a son that had a brain injury to see things through your eyes as well! It is very humbling but I am SO grateful to have learned some of these same invaluable lessons from him! Love your blog!! So glad you are back!!!

You don't know me either, but I was JUST thinking about you! Glad you are back! Last night, for whatever reason, I simply was thinking about how I should let you know that you helped me get through pretty bad postpartum depression (this was almost 2 years ago!). I'm not sure what it was, but some days, thinking of you and sweet Tripp would be the only thing that could get me through the day. You are such an inspiration. I'm so glad you are back! :)

I have followed your blog (on and off) for the past few years. As a mother, my heart feels compassion and inspiration for how well you cared for Tripp. You truly know what sacrifice is all about and you also truly know the depths of sorrow. It is such an encouragment to know that you are trusting in God, even if you cannot make sense of the whys.

One comment I did want to make is regarding your # 1 reason for striving to be good. You wrote that just because we believe in Jesus does not mean we will get to heaven. There is no where in the Bible that says if we are good and do good works that we will have eternal life. In fact, Romans 10:9 simply says, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." I would pray you understand that salvation in Jesus is NOT a result of our good works since Ephesians 2:8-9 says, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God,not by works, so that no one can boast." There is actually nothing good that we can do in and of ourselves that would ever, ever merit a spot in heaven with Jesus. The only reason we can have eternal life is because of the work on the cross that Jesus paid on our behalf. He knew we would never, ever be good enough (good works and all), so He paid the price for us. The difference between someone who genuinely believes in Jesus is the fruit that follows from a transformed life (which would result in good works). Someone who lives a good life and does good things cannot automatically be assumed as saved and on their way to heaven. Romans 3:10....says,“None is righteous, no, not one;11 no one understands; no one seeks for God.12 All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”Many Christians are spending their lives trying to good instead of accepting the fact that we can never be good enough. The only goodness that God accepts from us is through the work of His Holy Spirit in our lives, once we have repented and believed in Him.

May God continue to uphold you and speak to the lonely and sad places of your heart as only He can do.