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trying to go 90 days without masturbation

Submitted by gixxer7fizzle on Mon, 2010-06-28 10:22

I just turned 22 and realized over the past few months that I have a problem with masturbation and porn

The problem always arises when I have nothing to do and right now Im waiting on the next chapter of my life so theres basically nothing happening I just have tv and internet and some books to keep me sane and I dont have a license for 6 months so I cant go out anywhere

Anyways so Ive tried going without for 30 days a few times, the furthest I got was in may I made it to 16 days and in june I made it to 12. After I hit 16 in may I went right back to it and ended up feeling like crap. This month though I tried my hardest to abstain and only really made it about 3-4 days everytime. Since the beginning of the year I've been trying to exercise so I bought p90x and did the program and realized 90 days was what it took to build a good habit of exercising.

So my techniques to staying in this are basically this
-installed k9 web protection so even if I look up porn I can see its blocked and do something else
-watch espn and sports channels instead of normal programming which mostly has underlying sexual themes
-spend my time trying to read and study something new to keep my focus on something else
-exercise daily so I release extra energy that makes me feel tense
-try to use this quote to remind myself everytime i feel the urge "when you feel like quitting remember why you started"

that quote always hits hard for me because the reason why i want to do this so bad is because i havent had a girlfriend since 19 and i feel like i need to end this dry streak ive been working hard on getting into shape and i feel like even if i make my exercising goals i wont get a girl unless i overcome this addiction. I've read from numerous people that about 3 months after they stopped they were more driven to find a girl and usually did.

so anyways heres what i feel today
DAY 1: im not really feeling horrible honestly I slept an hour later than normal today, something that i noticed everytime i bust a nut the night before it seems like the next day i feel really groggy in the first hours of the day. honestly this day is always the easiest day by far i dont really have an urge to masturbate or use porn at all its usually day 2 that hits me hard and i will feel all tense and like i cant do it anymore. On day 1 my concentration is always horrible and today is no different honestly I feel scatterbrain and i cant focus much on anything. My eyesite actually seems worse Im not sure if anyone experiences this but after a few days without my eyesight seems to be a bit crisper. I dont have a headache today so that good sometimes I have headaches the day after. overall im doing alright today but its only the first 3 hours of my day we'll see how i feel tonight.

Alright so I guess before it was early in the day and I didn't feel bad its been 2 hours since that post and my head is starting to hurt a little I also have some work to do and its making my head hurt trying to focus and get the work done. I want to rest but I have to get this done so I'm going to do my best.

90 days is a great goal--for the reasons you specified. In my humble opinion, it will be difficult for the first couple weeks.....then get MUCH easier.....then (at around 6 weeks) there's a strong temptation to relapse. I am trying to get past the 6 week mark....been tough.

all the best on getting past 6 weeks i hope to get to the point where thats my biggest problem ... ill remember your advice when pushing through the first weeks I know its gonna be tough but I think I want it more now than ever

DAY 2: I thought this was going to be hard but I didnt anticipate this I woke up with a boner and really really horny I dont know whats up with this usually this happens on the 10th day or something but that was bad I almost failed this morning. Once I got out of bed I was fine though now I have to keep my mind clear and focused for the day hopefully it gets easier.

I disagree with the ancient method. Sure the cold may temporarily inhibit the problem, but not only will it increase circulation, but even gives a bit of a testosterone boost. My experience as with others-cold showers up the horny and energy in general. Hot showers make me tired, and it feels like I am on pain killers by my lack of care of anything else going on. I've dunk my entire body in an ice tank hooked up to heart info stuff so I wouldn't die by accident. Had oxygen levels and everything being measured, and later that night I was never more ready to pounce. Same thing happens when I roll around in the snow in boxers after a shower.

Frankly I believe cold water does a body good, but despite the idea surrounding it, it may just make the problem worse.

Cold water got the reputation before scientists could fact check it. While difficult to maintain (sometimes impossible) to maintain the desire or even the arousal when the water is cold enough, it is short lasted. I frankly got to the point after being exposed to water far colder than I could make a normal shower where even when taking the coldest shower possible that is was ineffective at dampening arousal or erections. The cold water wasn't planned, but swimming in some really cold water was unavoidable. The cause in males though, despite the normal circulation boost you get in any part of the body, is for whatever reason the testes react much better to cold than to extra heat. While as any part of the body contracts, so does the testes, but one can get a good boost from it.

I haven't tried it, but as weird as it may sound, it would seem the best combo would be luke warm, to mildly warm water for the testes, and as cold as one could stand for rest of the parts. Not only could you avoid the above issue (although frankly one is better off with it) but you would trick your mind to believing the water is actually much colder than it is to help stop the problem. Any method to keep the cold from the testes should be able to remedy the problem.

No idea effect on females, like much research, people seem to forget to include them sadly.

haha yeah i take cold showers everyday definitely helps, i dont know how to start a blog

DAY 3: feeling much better my headache is subsiding and Im begin to feel some clarity. Im going to concentrate on working out and reading and try to stay off the internet today just on right now to post this and check email. im thinking its not going to be that hard today now I just have to wait for days 10+ thats when it was always a countdown to failure before.

[quote=gixxer7fizzle]haha yeah i take cold showers everyday definitely helps, i dont know how to start a blog
today now I just have to wait for days 10+ thats when it was always a countdown to failure before.[/quote]

In fact, it becomes much more easier and safer after 20+ day (3 weeks) for me, because I still wanted to masturbate but not porn after 2 weeks. And one thing I did different from the rest; if you think counting from 1 to 90 does'nt help you, try to countdown from 90 to 0. Good luck.

ate a big meal i feel good right now but i definitely have to resist and pornography i thought i could download a game and play it for a few hours today and pass some time but it didnt work. unfortunately trying to go the whole day without internet is hard i literally have nothing else to do. im just making sure i keep my mind pure and stop thinking about sex because i know this is the time when i cannot trust my brain its going to want to experiment and i just have to make sure that i dont give in.

DAY 3: woke up dreaming about jerking off wtf? this shit always gets weird a couple days after I stop .. I hope after 3 weeks the weird dreams stop one time when I tried I had like 3 wet dreams in succession aaaah lol ill be able to get through today i think the worst has past

"You've seen one...you've seen 'em all." This one's not gonna lead to anymore lasting satisfaction than any of the multitude of other hot videos. The more stimulating...the greater the sense of dissatisfaction and discouragement afterward.

... from another persons post written by Marnia probably the best thing I've ever heard on how to deal with this problem I'm always feeling really good until I have to clean up then I feel horrible and its because of the dopamine I think. So basically I have to tell myself everytime I think about watching porn or masturbating .. self do you really want to do this? think about the after think about the whole day after when your going to feel like you failed thats not worth ten minutes of short lived happiness.

my headaches seems like it going away today but i keep thinking about sex and looking at porn im doing everything i can to stop myself from going to any sites. i was on a forum i visit and i clicked two threads and saw a couple pictures but thats it. writing this down is definitely helping me realize i need to fight these feelings and not trust my brain to keep it within moderation because i will fail. im going to make a point of it from now to stay away from any type of sexual material atleast until the month is over.

cues (pics or sites or whatever that your brain associates with the porn cycle) are definitely not harmless. They make the cravings worse because they send dopamine soaring. Better to give yourself a complete break and try to get your good feelings via other things in life.

What else feels good (even if it doesn't feel *as* good, at least at first )?

yeah im keeping myself occupied today I didnt use the computer until now just watching a tv show streaming and posting here to update. hopefully i can make it past a month i think ill feel better about myself at that point.

for all of us to learn to regulate our moods without zoning out one way or the other. But it's a really useful skill...for your whole life. Find what works best for you, and if you need suggestions, there are lists on the site we can point you to.

Day 6: Im feeling alright definitely feel the urge to jerk off and look at porn but I completely avoided the computer yesterday and today only logging on right now to write this and post on another forum. I've been watching alot of tv mostly comedy stuff that doesnt have sexual undertones. I think I can make it for awhile I just have to fight the urge and remember why I started this, the less I think about it the easier it gets.

There are also some other activities that seem to be more satisfying (at a brain chemical level) than TV: vigorous exercise, time in nature, friendly interaction with others (that's what 'feeds' your brain best, actually), meditation, etc.

(countdown from 90 format from now on) DAY 82: Definitely feeling a little better on the urges side and overall controlling myself its kind of ingrained in me now to keep my mind on nonsexual things so I can last through these 90 days. I didn't use my computer for two days thinking thats gonna happen again I'm just updating all my stuff and then I'll turn it off. Urges to watch pornography have gone down and thats probably the best thing, honestly if I can go no porn I think I can go no masturbation for awhile longer than I've done previously.

are down. I think you're right. Masturbation isn't the enemy (although it can weaken resolve for a while, due to the neurochemical fallout), but extreme stimulation is very much the enemy here...because it seems to dampen the brain's pleasure response for a time, making one desperate to find more extreme stimulation.

What are you doing to connect with others? That's going to be your best protection in the long run.

Day 81: I'm feeling alright yesterday was a tough day towards the end of the day but I'm still in even though I wanted to be out lol. I'm keeping my head focused and not trusting myself to do anything in moderation. I didn't realize I was addicted toward porn that much until now I think I'm having withdrawals I'll sometimes catch myself flipping to mtv just to see hot girls dancing in skimpy clothing. I cut out mtv now even though I like music I don't think music videos are healthy. I'm working on this one day at a time and I think if I keep my present mindset I will be fine.

Alright so the first post was made right after I woke up I felt good because the day hadn't really started today is definitely the worst day so far everything is reminding me of sex and im completely unfocused Im having trouble comprehending whats on tv because I want to jerk off or watch porn so much. Im here to list my techniques so I can remember them throughout today.

1. "When you feel like quitting remember why you started"

2. "don't trust your brain"

3. When you want to masturbate just think of yourself doing it in a third person perspective and the horribly awkward feeling that looms over you the rest of the day.

4. realize that the feeling of accomplishment at the end of this will feel much better than the feeling of masturbation now

5. porn is porn no image or video is going to be better than any one before once youve seen one youve seen it all dont bother getting yourself into it when you already know what it is, it will lead to masturbation

you can get only so far by fighting *against* things. It could be time to go *toward* real connections with real women. Your brain is giving you the signals...it's gonna go for the MTV version if you don't get out and meet the real kind.

Have you visited Meetup.com? Tango classes in your area? What inspirations do you have for meeting people?

I know a lot of you guys think you have to "fix" yourselves before you find a relationship, but relationships are part of the cure here. You're working with your mating program. It has a job to do...unless you hijack it. Now that you've quit hijacking it...it's still there, pushing you toward connection. You can't just ignore it indefinitely.

I understand what your saying but right now thats not really an option no license = not able to go out much. I'm good for now I get a provisional in like 15 days or something like that at that point I'll start thinking about approaching women right now I'm just battling this and getting the things done.

Day 80: So I made it 10 days definitely feel accomplished right now. Yesterday I kind of edged I guess, not a great idea left me with blue balls and almost got me out but I caught myself and fought it ended up with horrible blue balls for about 2 hours and kept telling myself to get out to end the pain but then I'd think man I can fight this I'd be so dissapointed if I lost now. Well I fought it and I feel much better now and even better that I can beat that feeling and can do it in the future. I'm much more confident I can get atleast to day 30 which would be a personal record for me since probably 12 years old haha. putting this at the end of the posts until i memorize it ...

1. "When you feel like quitting remember why you started"

2. "don't trust your brain"

3. When you want to masturbate just think of yourself doing it in a third person perspective and the horribly awkward feeling that looms over you the rest of the day.

4. realize that the feeling of accomplishment at the end of this will feel much better than the feeling of masturbation now

5. porn is porn no image or video is going to be better than any one before once youve seen one youve seen it all dont bother getting yourself into it when you already know what it is, it will lead to masturbation

By the way, you don't necessarily need a mate to feel better. Any kind of friendly interaction with your peers is soothing, too. Your brain is set up to find "tribal contact" AND "pair-bonding" anxiety-reducing.

Congratulations on getting through the crisis. Bravo! Some people have good luck with putting cold water on their genitals to ease blue balls. If there's a next time...give it a try and let us know.

nah cold water didnt work this time it was just something i had to wait out i just watched some tv and kept pushing my mind away from it, right now its just a matter of willpower and avoiding sexual content

Alright so I made it 11 days so far and monday I'm going to boot camp for two months so thats 61 days + 13 as long as i dont bust before that point. I should be at 74 when I get out. After that 16 days doesn't seem too long so I think I can stay in this until 90 days. I'll update when I get back thanks everyone for all the help.

12 days and counting ... thing are going well i feel alot better my headaches are completely gone and i feel sort of like i have a dopamine high randomly in the day, i definitely have way too much energy now i feel jittery but overall progress is good i have looked at porn a couple times but ill leave that for another day im just trying to get thorugh the abstaining from ejaculation for now.

Eventually you're going to have to make friends again with orgasm or find a sweetheart. So when you feel stable, remember that a porn orgasm seems to cause more neurochemical mood swings than good old masturbation with the emphasis on sensual feelings.