As you may recall, on February 20, 2007, I went to the Inept Naturalization Services, I mean the Immigration Naturalization Services to renew my green card (story here: http://rosystraka.com/greencard.htm). I was to have received my card in 60 days. So…September rolls around and I still haven’t received it. Although Mike has been telling me I should follow up, I let 7 months go by before I finally decide he may be right and someone is out there posing as me.

Keep in mind that I changed the name on my green card in 1996 when Mike and I got married and it read Rosa Maria Straka when I went in to renew.

So, I dig up the reference number and go to the website and it says my card was marked as undeliverable by the post office on March 13. Crap. After futzing on the website for some time, I determine that my only option on-line is a change of address. I don’t want to do that because I DIDN’T change my address and foresee problems. I call the 800 number, go to voicemail menu hell for about an hour and finally determine I can only speak to a live person between the hours of 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. on weekdays. It’s Sunday so I give up for the night.

Come Monday morning, I call the 800 number again. I muster as much patience as I can because I can just tell this isn’t going to go well. I stumble through the menus again and finally get to the ‘live person’ option. Sara comes on the line and I tell her I haven’t received my green card, the web site says the post office marked it as undeliverable on March 13 and could they please resend it. Simple right? NOOOOOO! Sara goes into a Laurel and Hardy routine. What’s your reference number? It says the Post Office marked it as undeliverable. I know. I just told you that. Did you move? No. Did you have your name on the mailbox? No, but I’ve never had my name on the mail box and you have sent me mail here before. Well, the Post Office will only deliver if your name is on the mail box. Um, I just told you, you’ve sent me mail at this address before. OK, well what was your filing date? My filing date? I guess that would be the day I went in and got fingerprinted, etc. No, that would have been your appointment day. Well, it’s the only contact I’ve had and I was finger printed and submitted forms and your staff told me I would receive my card in 60 days. (Blood pressure is rising quickly; I can feel the veins popping out of my head.) So you don’t know what day you filed? OK, I FILED ON THE FEBRUARY 20TH, YOU MORON ! Don’t speak to me that way, I’m hanging up. DON’T YOU DARE HANG UP, SARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Click. Fuck.

So now I’m an expert at the menus and it only takes me 15 minutes to get to the wait for the live person who “will answer in approximately 6 minutes” music. Rita comes on and I tell her I haven’t received my green card, the web site says the post office marked it as undeliverable on March 13 and could they please resend it. What’s your reference number? It says the Post Office marked it as undeliverable. Yes, I know. They mailed it in March and you’re just now checking on it? Yes, you know, life happens. Can you resend it? What’s your name? Rosa Straka. Address? 132, etc., etc. What’s your alien number? That’d be hard to tell you since I don’t have a card (breathe, watch your tone….remember Sara.). Oh well, never mind. If you don’t receive it in 45 days then you’ll probably have to file again. Sigh. Thank you, Rita. I decide not to ask Rita for her supervisor so I can turn Sara in. Funny how Rita didn’t ask me what my filing date was or if I had my name on the mailbox.

This time, I signed up to receive updates on the status of my case. So on the 14th I get a message that my card has been mailed. I dig up the handy dandy labeler and print out “Michael, Rosa, Nicolas & Natalie Straka” and go stick it on the mail box.

Today’s mail, September 17, 2007:

White Size 10 envelope from: US Citizenship and Immigration Services
To: Rosa Straka
Contents (in a nutshell): We tried to mail you a card in March, but the post office returned it. Now you have contacted us to tell us that you did not receive your card. As a courtesy, we are re-mailing your card to the address on file.

Medium manila envelope from: Department of Homeland Security, USCIS
To: Rosa Ayala Rodriguez (the name I came to this country with).
Contents: Envelope where the post office labeled: Return to sender, attempted – not known, unable to forward. And…..the Green Card. Although I’m pleased with the picture (my gray isn’t showing), the name reads: Ayala Rodriguez, Rosa M.

Go frigging figure.

Oh, and by the way, I received a summons to Jury Duty last week (Aliens can’t vote or serve on a jury.)