In loving memory of my daughter Jaime and her courageous 9-year battle with melanoma, I am a melanoma awareness advocate and the indoor tanning industry's worst nightmare!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Pull My Finger...Save a Life!

BREAKING NEWS!!! A new study takes cancer prevention to a whole new level.

My recent booty blog (Pretoria Revisited: Shake That Booty!) caused a friend who saw a rather bizarre article on cancer prevention to immediately think of me! Not sure I'm flattered ... but let's just go with it.

Believe it or not, a study has recently been published (Smelling Farts Might Prevent Cancer) that has found that inhaling pungent flatulence can possibly save lives. Hydrogen sulfide, produced by bacteria in the gut as it breaks down food, is the gas expelled, and smelling it is said to have potential health benefits ... like preventing cancer, strokes, heart attacks, arthritis, and dementia. Keep in mind, however, that inhaling large amounts of this gas can be deadly so don't get carried away!

Ladies, you might not want your boyfriends or husbands to read this
blog or hear about this study. Males are normally (in my many years of experience with a
husband and two sons) overly proud of their form of air pollution (aka
flatulence, gas, breaking wind, cutting cheese, toots, farts) ... and after reading this, they will view
this activity as a public service and will be out to save all mankind
with their odoriferous propellants. Just beware of this possibly brutal side
effect of this newest research!

Now medically speaking, we are all aware that ladies don't fart; they expel poofs of glitter and rainbows. Some men would claim that females just hold in their gas until it comes out as drama. So it appears that we will need to rely on men to protect us from cancer! Putting art into farts for the benefit of cancer prevention is a campaign I'm sure our guys will embrace. Passing gas will no longer be just for their entertainment ... but will be for the medical well-being of all around them. Heaven help us all!

There is even an app for that! In 2008 iPhone came out with a farting app. Wonder if that app is considered a medical device requiring FDA approval? Or will it be our medical miracle???

But the question that pops out at me (pun intended) is ... are all farts created equal? Does gas released after eating, say, onion or garlic protect us from disease better than farts formed from chili or baked beans? Are animal farts more medically desirable than human farts? Just think about all the lives that could be saved by a dog who has been eating cheese! Further research is definitely needed.

In addition I wonder if this potential environmental hazard has been cleared with the EPA, considering the possible significant source of greenhouse gases.

When I contacted a flatulence expert (my son, Ben) as research for this blog, he suggested that "a fart a day might keep the doctor away." However he is being modest to suggest that his capabilities are limited to one fart a day. As an overachiever, he could be destined to become a health care hero!

In the meantime, keep up with your more conventional forms of cancer and heart attack prevention. Don't stop using sunscreen or taking that baby aspirin to rely on the fragrant gas coming from your male partner. But next time you are stuck in an enclosed area like an elevator or airplane and catch a whiff of an obnoxious odor, just say thank you and breathe in deeply. :-)