DARRELL NORMAN: Forecast of snow panics the South

It's Thursday morning, and most of the snow from Sunday night is still on the ground. We got 6 inches in the first dump, and it continued to snow off and on until dark Wednesday.

It's Thursday morning, and most of the snow from Sunday night is still on the ground. We got 6 inches in the first dump, and it continued to snow off and on until dark Wednesday.The temperature got up to freezing once, but any hope of a thaw was erased by an overnight low of 14. It may get up to 30 today, with some sunshine, but it is supposed to go down to 8 degrees tonight. All will be white for a while yet.Of course, none of this is news to anybody who lives in our northeast corner of Alabama. Schools and government offices are still closed. Stores and businesses are just now opening again. Many streets and roads remain officially closed. All students and many workers have stayed home to play in the snow again today.This winter storm was predicted accurately and well in advance, but that did not prevent an outbreak of panic shopping. We call it the Godzilla effect, after the mutant monster that first appeared in a Japanese movie in 1954.Younger people may have never heard of Godzilla unless they encountered him in video games. But those old enough to remember him from movies and television will recall seeing the inhabitants of whole cities run for their lives at the words “Godzilla's coming! Godzilla's coming!” All laws and rules of civility were trampled by the fleeing masses, as every footfall of the monster in pursuit shook the earth beneath them.Around here Godzilla comes in the form of a forecast of snow (or any other bad weather). People go into full panic. Traffic lights and speed limits mean nothing to crazed drivers who tear through the streets in search of milk and bread.Some have the foresight to buy kerosene for that heater out in the shed, batteries for the flashlight and gas for the car, but most will tromp on children and shove old ladies aside to get at the milk and bread. Bread shelves and milk coolers stand empty after the first wave, awaiting new deliveries before the next wave. I think they put tail gunners on the emergency supply trucks to ward off hijackers.Having lived in Colorado and Nebraska, Russia and Alaska, I don't see the prospect of an inch or two of snow as an excuse for anarchy. But because I have observed and written about Godzilla for more than 20 years, you would think I would stock the larder myself when days of isolation loom ahead. You would think.We went the store Saturday, but I bought printer paper and cartridges and the bride bought a new nail clipper. I don't think we even walked through the food section. We have everything we need on hand, we said.Then on Sunday morning, I announced to the bride, “We don't have any bread.” She reacted the way Uncle Horace did when Aunt Betty told him they were out of onions. “If I'd known we didn't have onions in this house, I wouldn't have slept a wink.”I told her that I could always bake my Mother Earth loaves if we needed bread, but she set out anyway, ready to muscle through the wild horde. She found the long bread shelf totally bare, except for a neat stack of Merita on one end. Folks were either prejudiced against the bread that sponsored the Lone Ranger or the armored car had just delivered it. She walked on by to get something else, thinking she would pick up a loaf on her way out. When she came back, every loaf of Merita was gone, too.Godzilla's expected arrival was 10 hours away, but he was apparently causing the store's workers not to show up for their shift. The bride overheard the manager tell someone on his cell phone, “Everybody here is absent.” She did what she knew I would have done. She wrote his words on a scrap of paper.Then she found a newly stocked bread shelf in a store within walking distance of our house and picked up a loaf. She brought it in and rushed to show me her note. I have now written about it, as she knew I would, but we have not opened the bread. Take that, Godzilla.

Online Services

Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted.
Gadsden Times ~ 401 Locust St. Gadsden, AL 35901, Gadsden, AL 35901 ~ Privacy Policy ~ Terms Of Service