Wednesday, January 30, 2008

For the past two days I've been working on my English and Statistics classes. The English class focuses on business communication such as how to tactfully tell an employee that their body odor is grossing everybody out in the office to how to fire someone, how to tell someone that their qualifications suck and there is no room in the company for dweebs like you...etc, etc. You say it all in a professional way, of course.

UGH

First of all, when I read in the book "Find another way to say "Your body odor is offensive", I sit there for a minute and think..."Would anyone actually say that to a person anyway?...I mean, does this actually need to be taught??" Then I sit there and have to come up with a more professional way to say it and what I come up with is GRADED.

Sheesh.

Concerning statistics, I feel better about it all. I completed all of my homework finally and doing the homework made me actually feel a little confident. I understand and can do standard deviations, finding the mean, mode, median, range, class boundaries, class width, finding the cumulative frequency of a frequency distribution, what the empirical rules are and what Chebyshev's rule is. I am actually understanding it all now and can complete the work. *whew*

The question is if I can do well on the test that I have to take online this week. The test is due by this Sunday night. I have to work tomorrow through Sunday for 12 hours a day and I hope like hell that I can squeeze in who knows how much time it will take to complete the test. The professor said that it's approximately 30 questions. We shall see about that...

Then on Monday I go to work and back to school to take the mid-term that has about that many questions. And then I will fall to pieces to the floor in exhaustion.

I'm tired. I have so much on my mind that I want to share here. I want to really tell it like it is, but the problem I have is that I don't know where to start. I am so sick of so many things and I don't know where to begin.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I'm in my statistics lab right now. Our mid-terms are next week. All I can say is OMG! The mid-term will be a measuring tape to show how much I've learned. If the measuring tape above is an indicator to how much I've learned, I hope that the whole damn thing will be unrolled next Monday night.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I know a lot of people talk about Microsoft and Bill Gates. I've been a complete geek most of my life and though I've laughed about Gates and Microsoft and how they've taken over the world, I've always really admired the guy. I've also really liked what he's doing with his charitable foundation. He's done a lot in his life and has done very well for himself, his family, and others.

I just found the video below and LOVED IT!!! It's about his last day at Microsoft and was presented at his last Keynote speech.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I have been looking for a new Blogger template and can't find any that really feel like they go with my blog. Don't get me wrong, I've found quite a few beautiful, compelling, silly, crazy, boring, and OK templates out there, but can't find the one.

One template site I like is located at suckmylolly.com. This lady has a definite style that is all her own and I like quite a few of her templates. There is one called "Where's Jack". A pic of it is below:

But then again, I like the background of the following template called "Eat my Cake":

The only reason why this template doesn't really fit my blog is because I'm not really trying to "have my cake and eat it too", though the pink frosting on the cupcake sure does look scrummy (I love the color of the frosting as well on this page).

The only problem with this template is that I'm not pregnant and my daughter is now 15. I do have a dog, but it's a creamy toy poodle, not that it truly matters, but I'm definitely not pregnant with a baby and cruising around with another baby in a carriage.

Suckmylolly, you are AWESOME in blog design! I checked and it looks like you are booked into the next century regarding creating new blog templates, so no luck there.

Does anyone have any advice? I definitely would appreciate it! I truly don't know what to do, but am getting really sick of the look of my blog and want to change it aesthetically.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I was at home again today. Last night my bed was the toilet and I was sick as a dog. I started feeling better last night until after eating dinner. I didn't eat much, but it was enough to make me ill all over again.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Last night in statistics I got sick. No, I don't mean sick of the class, I mean physically sick. I ended up going to the bathroom MANY times and then got home and was in the bathroom the rest of the night. I wasn't able to go to work today. I'm feeling a bit better as long as I don't eat.

I'm feeling a bit better emotionally. Maybe I was just getting sick yesterday which made me feel a bit down. I have no idea, but I'm better.

I'm sure most of you have heard of Lily Allen, but I just learned about her tonight. She is a musician from England and is quite artistic. If you haven't seen her, watch her latest video called, "Alfie". It made me laugh quite a bit!

Monday, January 14, 2008

I am at the university waiting for my statistics class to start. I am so very tired today. I worked, rushed to school through major traffic jams and am now waiting to start a four-hour, mind-numbing class. By the time I get home it will be 10:30pm, and I'll run to take a shower and collapse into bed in order to start another day.

I'm not very happy today. I think I'm just tired. In a way I feel a bit down. Melancholic is more the word. I wouldn't say all the way depressed, but I am down. I need to watch myself and be very aware so that I don't hurdle through the downward spiral.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The wedding was wonderful. I have never cried at a wedding until today. I couldn't believe that I cried because I certainly didn't expect it! I just couldn't believe that she was getting married. I had a myriad of emotions which I will post at a later date.

Friday, January 11, 2008

This picture is my favorite picture of my daughter and I together. I am posting this picture because fifteen years ago today my daughter was born. She was born at 3:12am at 8 pounds, 12 ounces and 21 1/2 inches. I will never forget that early morning. I had been in labor for twenty-two hours and developed a fever of 105 degrees Fahrenheit. The doctors performed an emergency c-section and whisked her away to the newborn unit without letting me hold her. I never cried, screamed, or shouted obscenities during the entire labor process; however, when they whisked her away and wouldn't let me hold her, I completely had a mental meltdown.

I was shaking due to the fever and needed to be administered antibiotics. Somehow I had gotten an infection in the hospital while being in labor with her which caused the fever to spike. By that time I was completely tired and worn out. My emotions ran amuck and I started yelling for her father to come to me (he was signing paperwork in another room). He ran to me and I screamed that they wouldn't let me hold my baby. I cried and was horribly upset.

After being in the recovery room for six hours, they finally wheeled me down to my room in a gurney. They stopped in front of the newborn unit and held my daughter up for me to see her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. I begged to hold her. Finally, they wheeled my gurney halfway into the room and gave her to me. I reached for her and held her tight. I remember staring at her with complete and utter wonder. She had been crying, but amazingly enough stopped crying while I held her. I swear to God she knew that it was me. She actually looked up into my eyes and just stared at me. I felt such an intensely strong connection. Words did not need to be spoken between us. We knew that we belonged together. I remember breaking into tears. That moment was heavy with emotion and completely defined the rest of my life.

I thank God for my daughter. I don't know where I would be without her. She is so very sweet, humorous, kind, compassionate, creative, and wise. I love her so much. As I write this I am crying at the thought that in three years she will be finished with high school. I cannot imagine life without seeing her every day. Pretty soon she will be starting the adventure of her own life. I am not ready for this.

I am writing this while at work. It's times like this that really upset me because I feel I haven't spent enough time with her. It's 6:45pm and I'm still at work. Before I know it she'll be gone and I won't remember what I was doing at work years from now. I will remember that I worked too much and didn't spend enough time with her. I feel very guilty about that. On one hand I need to work because every minute I work I get paid and we desperately need the money due to our financial situation. On the other hand I couldn't care less about the money and want to spend all of my time with her. I wish that I could home school her. I wish that I could be that Mom who has cookies ready when she gets home. I wish I could be that Mom who was there day and night.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I cannot believe that my step-niece named Melanie is getting married this Saturday. It only seems like yesterday when she was born! She was born in 1986. I was a freshman in high school, which is what my daughter is now! I remember holding her tiny body in my arms and kissing and hugging her tight. Now to think that she is starting a life of her own is amazing to me.

Melanie has three siblings. Out of her siblings, she was the one who always ate very healthy as a child. Can you imagine a six year old wanting to eat salad? She didn't like Coca-Cola and always opted for water or sweet tea. She was always the quiet one and a bit moody at times. Still waters run deep with her. She just received her Bachelor's degree and is trying hard to make something of herself. I am really proud of her.

When I see her I can still see that quiet, little girl. Will that vision in my head ever disappear?

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

This is a very busy week for me. Not only is work busy and I need to work overtime, more needs to be done which is outlined below:

Thursday - Want to get to work at 6:00am at the latest. Work for 12 hours and go home and do homework. Wash some clothes and clean up a bit around the house.

Friday - It's my daughter's birthday! She will be 15. Get to work at 5:00am at the latest. Work for 12 hours. Go home and take her and her friend that is spending the night to the movies. Drop them off. They will be meeting approximately 10 friends there. After going to the movies they will walk next door to the ice cream shop for ice cream. Pick them up afterwards. While they are at the movies, get my hair cut and colored and then go to to the store to purchase an iPod Nano for her. She has been dying for one. Pick up a birthday cake. Celebrate when she gets home. Also make 600 meatballs for a wedding the next day.

Saturday - Get up EARLY. My step-niece is getting married. As a wedding present, all of the women of the family are doing her reception. Get to the church by 11:00am. Set up the place for the reception, etc, etc. Go to the wedding at 4:00pm. Get back to help with anything needing to be done at the reception and clean up afterwards. If I have time go to work and work a few hours.

Sunday - Get up EARLY to finish any homework for the week. Wash some clothes and clean around the house. My hair stylist is having issues with his computer. Get to his house by noon to fix his computer problems. I estimate to be there four, possibly five hours. Get back home and continue washing clothes/cleaning/homework until passing out into bed. If I can get into work for a few hours at all this day would be good.

Monday - Get to work by 5:00am. Work 12 hours and then go to my four hour statistics class.

Tuesday - Work for 12 hours. It is my husband and Mom's birthday. Get a birthday cake and take it home. That night my husband will be teaching an oil painting class. Make dinner for him and then celebrate when he gets home.

Rest of the Week - Work 12 hours a day.

The Weekend - Work 12 hours each day.

I wrote all of this out so that I can read it while going along with the week to check and make sure that I'm keeping on track.

I have a t-shirt that says "After viewing her calendar for the week, she went ahead and pre-medicated." I think I need to wear it.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I went to the Statistics class and it wasn't that bad for the first night. We got out early, which is good due to it being a four-hour class from 6:00pm - 10:00pm. The professor is from Ethiopia, very soft-spoken and is only interested in the students understanding and being proficient. It seems like he will be quite good. He has a Ph.D. in Statistics and another Ph.D. in Macrobiotics. All I can say is "WOW!".

I am tired now and going to bed. It's already Tuesday and I haven't slept yet!

Friday, January 4, 2008

Tonight was a great dinner filled with fabulous food and incredible conversations with sweet people. The talk centered around art, art, art while our taste buds focused on stuffed grape leaves (as pictured...the picture actually reminds me of something else like...fecal matter...but it certainly tasted good!), shrimp with rice, French bread with hummus and a cheesy spinach dip. The meal was then finished off with Moroccan mint tea.

My daughter is in a club that backpacks once a month to different areas around and outside the state and two members of this club and their mother visited us this evening. The two members are siblings named Ian and Marian. Ian is a senior in high school while Marian is a sophomore. They are both very artistic and we enjoyed viewing their sketches and portfolios. Since my husband is an artist they had many things to talk about and it was a night filled with three artists sharing their thoughts, ideas, and experiences. It was nice to see my husband chatting with them because I could tell they really looked up to him and got excited about their work. They couldn't wait to get home and work on their art after talking with him. He really got them juiced up!

My husband is about to go through the selection process at the university for the MFA (Master of Fine Arts) program. He is in the midst of getting his application completed along with readying his portfolio and other required documentation. I know that he will be selected to attend in the fall. He will also apply to be in the assistantship program and I truly hope that he gets it. He has been trying for so long to make money and it's been difficult for him to find work. His skills and experience are so highly specialized towards the art field. A few months ago he was looking everywhere for a job and even the Olive Garden turned him down! They said that he didn't have any experience and my first thought was, "Do you have to work at the Waffle House first"?

All of this just kills me when I think about how highly educated and talented he is and not only that he knows six languages! This area hasn't been very sparing with jobs for him. He is going to start January 15 in giving oil painting classes two nights a week. In February he will give watercolor classes and then acrylic painting classes in March. He is quite excited about that. Finding a full-time job has been difficult, though.

He wants to be a professor, which is why he is pursuing a MFA. He is a natural teacher and I know will be a good one. By the way, (and on another note!) he has been much better. He hasn't yelled or screamed lately. He has been treating me very well. I was sick the other day and he made lunch and completely took care of me. I am so very thankful. Things have been getting better. I can tell that it definitely helps my mental mood and attitude. I continue to feel better and better. I have to also say that it was rough when he got back from Morocco. I didn't talk about it much here, but we were even talking about divorce at one point. For the first time in my life I did a very good job of not getting caught up in his moods. I also didn't hold myself accountable for his unhappiness. I also told him that I won't put up with it anymore. I told him that I deserved to be treated better. All of this definitely seemed to help. It can still be difficult at times.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The above video was taken at 3:14am on New Year's Day. We had gotten back from going out for New Year's Eve and HoneyBunny was SO HAPPY we were home. We piled in the bed with HoneyBunny between us and she decided that she wanted to play. I couldn't help but take the opportunity to capture the moment. The video quality is a bit poor due to it being taken from a cell phone, but it's good nonetheless.

My Dad has a Yorkshire Terrier named Cajun. Years ago I purchased him from a breeder in Louisiana and his actual name is "Ragin' Cajun". The dog was supposed to be ours, but he became very attached to my Dad. After awhile I gave Cajun to my Dad and they have been inseparable ever since. Watching Cajun and my Dad is just sickening. They are so very close and Cajun is so very spoiled. I could never understand what it felt like to love a dog like that. Everywhere you see Daddy you see Cajun and vice versa. Daddy holds him all the time and will at times have a silly grin on his face as he holds him. The grin comes from the love he feels for that old dog.

Last year I bought a toy poodle named HoneyBunny for my daughter's birthday. I made sure not to show any attention to HoneyBunny because I wanted my daughter and her to form a bond. The dog followed me around everywhere. I couldn't seem to get away from her. My daughter didn't spend as much time with her as she should and finally I broke down and started petting her. Before I knew it the love bug bit me.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I love this dog. She is my daughter as well. HoneyBunny follows me everywhere I go and we are now inseparable. I love holding her and I find myself wishing she could go everywhere with me. I was even thinking that I wish she could be out with us on New Year's Eve. (Now remember that this is coming from someone who would get sickened watching Daddy spoil Cajun absolutely rotten.)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

I can't believe it, but we actually went out for New Year's Eve. We haven't done that in YEARS!! Physically and mentally I have been feeling better and better over the past month and didn't want to sit home this year. The past two years I don't think I was even awake at midnight. What a joy it was last night to be out and about.

I worked yesterday and didn't get home until 8:00pm. I jumped in the shower and got ready. My daughter was at my parents house. My husband and I got ready and left around 10:00pm. Yes, it was a bit late to go out, but around here things don't even get started until around then. It was VERY difficult to find a parking spot downtown, which is amazing to me because the town is so very small. After finally finding a spot, we went to a new bar and found ourselves squashed between too many people inhibiting too little space. Soon after getting there a fight broke out and we left because it started to get a bit too rowdy. We then paced the streets looking to be somewhere else at midnight. Every place we found either had a private party or required tickets that we didn't purchase beforehand to enter.

We haven't been out in years. We stood in the middle of the cold street racking our brains trying to figure out where to go. We finally had the idea to go to a little bar that we knew would be a fun night, no fights and filled with nice, respectful and fun people. We headed there and found what we were looking for.

The place was introduced to me years ago by a dear friend. For years I thought that my friend was gay. I never asked and he never said. Two years into the friendship I finally asked. He said, "No". I didn't believe him. Six months later we went out together and as we were driving he stopped the car and told me that he was. He said that he was 35 years old and "had always kept his straight and gay world separate". He never let the worlds collide due to fear. If you knew him you would have been so proud of him that he finally told someone. After telling me he took me to a bar and said, "I'm taking you to a bar that I go to. I want you to see what it's like. I don't want you to be shocked because there are guy dancers." I looked into his eyes with a big grin and said "LET'S GO!".

We went inside and I had the time of my life. What got me the most was how peaceful the environment was and how nice the people were. I felt like I was home. At this bar you are accepted no matter what. It doesn't matter what age, race, gender, or religion, you are part of the family and are surrounded by wonderfully nice, respectful, compassionate and fun people. Years ago I took my husband there when we were first dating. He didn't know what to expect and went anyway. He had a lot of fun and we went back several times afterwards. It's been five years now and last night was the first time in a long time. We had a great time again. I didn't see the regulars that I used to see, but other people were there and we had a nice time.

No fights, no problems, nice conversations, great dancing, cheap drinks, and great fun...what a way to ring in the New Year!