Beckham Says Bonjour and more silly philosophy

David Beckham will be saying “bonjour.” Today, the former LA Galaxy star announced his plans to stretch his legs one last time in the colors of Paris St. Germain, France’s richest club. Becks will be donating his salary to a local charity.

But will he take to the French way of life? Will he master the art of being Parisien? Certainly, the French fashion palaces will be lining him up for snaps with his wife, Victoria, a fashion designer of some repute. But will we see him in the cafes of the Left Bank, stroking his chin over a latte, contemplating existentialism? For Becks is more than a choice, more than a brand, and more than a German beer.

I saw David Beckham for the first time in Union Square, San Francisco, in 2008. He appeared before a crowd of thousands. There was no soccer ball in sight. A long, thick banner on the façade of Macy’s department store was pulled down to orgasmic gasps from the crowd, revealing a prodigious Becks in Armani briefs designed to tackle wallets and metrosexuals into submission. Libidinous wonder took flight and the fans charged into Macy’s like a herd of wildebeest in heat.

I’ll take what he has! cried the deranged mob, snapping up Mr. Beckham’s packet on credit cards that would soon bite the hand that held it. But who cared about debt when the boyfriend could give the impression of being Becks if the girlfriend had drank enough.

I stood outside the store marveling at the size of this soccer God, the shadow on the face, the cut of the cheekbone, the body of Adonis. How the Ancient Greek philospohers would have dropped to their knees to worship.

I last saw Beckham in Los Angeles in November at the MLS Cup Final. He was holding a press conference. He entered the pressroom to his sound track – shutter snaps. Atop his head was a gray ski cap that gave him somewhat of an elfin look. Seemingly rested and relaxed, he immediately plugged in.

His speech looped. This was perfectly understandable. Sports talk usually orbits the platitudes. What made his ellipse more revealing was his juggle of personal pronouns. He would say “we” when it sounded like he meant “I.” Perhaps it was one of those British things, the Royal “we”, made famous by Queen Victoria when she said, “We are not amused.” Or was this a duality of man and brand?

An I-phone rang. A reporter had laid it down in front of Becks to record remarks. He stopped in mid-sentence.

“Should I answer it?” Becks quipped.

The press held its breath for the comic effect.

He picked it up.

“I can’t,” he said, “It’s not Samsung.”

Here was a man free to choose to say no to Apple. How many people can say that?