16 Jan 2012

Speaking of irresponsible journalism, I made a comment on January 3rd:

Rick Perry has already suspended his campaign, which comes as a surprise to absolutely nobody. Both Michele Bachman and Jon Huntsman should do the same.

This was incorrect. Not that I am backtracking on my point that Bachman and Huntsman have no place in a presidential campaign: they do not and I am pleased that they took my advice in walking away. Unfortunately, it turns out that Rick Perry did not actually withdraw from the Republican primaries.

Rick Perry is not going to be on the Virginia ballot; he will likely be removed from the Illinois ballot; and he is currently polling 5th in South Carolina, Florida, and Nevada, only barely surpassing Jon Huntsman who has already dropped out and endorsed Romney. At this point, the only way that Rick Perry will gain the republican nomination is if Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich are all caught partaking in naked mud-wrestling in a giant vat of tapioca pudding. And even then, Ron Paul might be able to spin it in his favor.1

Perry’s campaign is over. It does not matter how well he does in the debates. It does not matter if he manages to make Romney appear to be a monster who eats kittens. Even if a minor miracle were to occur and Romney were unable to secure the nomination, there is nothing that Perry can do in time to be on the ballot against President Obama. Romney and Paul are the only snowballs that have not yet melted into puddles of slush. And neither of them have anything to gain by choosing him for vice president.

But just because I know it, does not mean that Rick Perry knows it and so he has forced my hand: Governor Perry, I formally apologize for suggesting that you had suspended your campaign after being absolutely slaughtered in the Iowa caucus. It was wrong of me and I am sorry for any damaged that my blog caused to your campaign.

I guess.

I imagine the press conference would go something like this: “While I do personally endorse the tapioca Slip ‘n Slide, it is not a national concern and each state must be allowed to legislate the matter as they see fit. Regionalism is the only way out of the crisis that our nation has fallen into. Vote Ron Paul in 2012!” ↩