President George W. Bush traveled to Artesia, New Mexico, to address the Border Patrol Academy and suggested that immigrants had better learn to speak good American. “I knew I was in pretty good country when I saw all the cowboy hats,” he said. “And I think I saw one guy spitting in a can.”San Francisco ChronicleThree detainees at the American prison camp at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, committed suicide using nooses made from clothing and bedsheets. “They have no regard for human life, neither ours nor their own,” said Navy Rear-Admiral Harry Harris. “I believe this was not an act of desperation but an act of asymmetric warfare against us.” All three men had been in the camp for about four years and had recently engaged in a hunger strike.ScotsmanThe attorney for Staff Sgt. Frank D. Wuterich, one of the marines charged with the Haditha massacre, asserted that the massacre, though “tragic,” was nonetheless “lawful” and was the result of following “the rules of engagement and standard protocol.”Associated PressIt was reported that the Pentagon has decided to remove a reference to Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions from a new edition of the Army Field Manual on interrogation. That article bans torture and cruel treatment as well as “outrages on personal dignity, in particular, humiliating and degrading treatment.” The change, which would reverse decades of military policy, follows President Bush‘s declaration in 2002 that the Geneva Conventions do not apply to “unlawful combatants” such as terrorists.Los Angeles TimesA report by the Council of Europe charged that European countries (including Germany,Spain,Sweden,Greece, and Italy) served as a “global spider web” for the CIA’s secret abduction and unlawful transfer of terrorism suspects to its network of torture camps around the world.New York TimesThe United States issued a report on the global sex trade and rebuked Germany for being “a source, transit, and destination country” for prostitutes.New York TimesDonald Rumsfeld, the American secretary of defense, traveled to Vietnam, where he complained that Russia is a bully and China is secretive; he also observed that when Vietnam’s first university was founded in 1070 American Indians were still living in mud huts. “That’s impressive,” he said.New York TimesIndonesia’s defense minister scolded Rumsfeld for being overbearing.New York TimesPresident Vladimir Putin of Russia had lunch with Henry Kissinger, who said afterward that he has confidence in “Russian evolution.” “What if my grandmother had certain sexual attributes?” Putin asked a reporter. “Then she would would be my grandfather.” New York TimesA new study found that the quality of men’s sperm deteriorates as they grow older and could lead to an increase in dwarf babies.AP

Armed gunmen abducted more than 50 bystanders at a Baghdad bus stop, and it was announced that May was the deadliest month for Baghdad residents since the beginning of the American occupation. A total of 1,398 bodies were found throughout the city, alongside roads, in garbage dumps, and in abandoned cars, though many others have been abducted, never to be seen again.Los Angeles TimesBritish special forces were being trained to use strap-on “batwings” rather than parachutes; the lightweight carbon wings permit the soldiers to be dropped at high altitudes and then glide for more than 100 miles before landing.Daily MailThe Senate failed to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage,Globe and Mailand Macy’s removed two gay-pride mannequins from a Boston display window after the store received complaints.Boston HeraldIt was reported that the United States carried out 750 air strikes in Afghanistan last month and thatFox Newsplans were being made to send United Nations troops to Darfur.UN.orgSerbia declared itself to be a sovereign state.Associated PressJavier Solana, Europe’s foreign-policy director, formally offered Iran a package of incentives designed to persuade the Islamic state to give up its nuclear ambitions; that same day, according to the International Atomic Energy Agency, Iran restarted its uranium-enrichment program.New York TimesNew York TimesAn Israeli artillery shell killed at least seven civilians, including five members of one family (including young children aged ten, three, and one) who were picnicking on a beach in Gaza. Israeli officials expressed regret and said that the shell had been aimed at a target 400 yards away from the picnic. Hamas declared that it would no longer abide by a 16-month-old cease-fire and fired a rocket into Israel.New York TimesThe Army Corps of Engineers admitted that its incompetence was largely to blame for the destruction of New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina.New York TimesThe Food and Drug Administration asked restaurants to help Americans eat less. “We must take a serious look at the impact these foods are having on our waistlines,” said a health-promotion official named Penelope Slade Royall.MSNBCWhole Foods was concerned about the well-being of its fresh lobsters, andNew York Timesthe New York Times reported that tar-paper shacks have been selling briskly in South African shanty towns.New York TimesA group of high school students in Florida found a real corpse at a fake crime scene.ReutersAmerican conservationists were airlifting endangered frogs out of Panama in their luggage.New York TimesSurgeons in Shanghai successfully removed a baby boy’s third arm.AP

"When Matti invited me on a tour of the neighborhood, I asked about security. 'The message has already been passed to ISIS that youâ€™re here,' he said. 'But donâ€™t worry. I guarantee I could bring even you in and out of the Islamic State.'"

$50,000

The Mall of America hired its first black Santa, a real estate company valued Mr. and Mrs. Clausâ€™s North Pole home at $656,957, and it was reported that the price of the gifts from â€śTwelve Days of Christmasâ€ť went up by more than $200 in 2016, to $34,363.49.

"It is an interesting and somewhat macabre parlor game to play at a large gathering of oneâ€™s acquaintances: to speculate who in a showdown would go Nazi. By now, I think I know. I have gone through the experience many timesâ€”in Germany, in Austria, and in France. I have come to know the types: the born Nazis, the Nazis whom democracy itself has created, the certain-to-be fellow-travelers. And I also know those who never, under any conceivable circumstances, would become Nazis."