1990 - Godzilla attacks Paris, humping the Eiffel Tower twice before being driven back into the sea.

1991 - Godzilla attacks Paris again, this time bringing flowers. The Parisians surrender to his radioactive charm, and an evening of bliss is had by all.

1992 - Godzilla once again attacks Paris, leaving fifty-three successive messages on the answering machine of the Ile de Cite, each one more angry and irrational than the last. Paris gets a restraining order. In a blind, drunken confusion, Godzilla attacks a department store in Rome. Mothra and Mechagodzilla are called to drive the heartbroken beast home.

1999 - Cape Breton declares an open nuclear war on the Y2K bug subsequently pounding it into oblivion. Eminent scientists have confirmed this fact as the reason why much speculation about the threat of Y2K was ultimately unfounded.

2006 - Way more people die than usual.

2007 - The Canso Causeway, forever asserting the will of mainland Nova Scotia against Cape Breton, is melted in my microwave.

2010 - Godzilla sends a passive-aggressive text message to Paris, asking if it wants its copy of High Fidelity back or if he should just throw it away.