I'm a pop culture geek, married to a non-geek, "normie" guy. I also like cooking and crafts. My own crochet patterns posted here. Please be respectful of my work and keep in mind that most of those crochet patterns have only been made once or twice. If you find a mistake, let me know. If you make something, please send me a link back.
If this blog still isn't enough of me for you, check Geek Crafts for even more of me on Saturdays under AmyLynn98, or find me on Twitter at @JediAmyLynn98.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Today marks one
year of my mom passing away. The last several days have been really rough,
leading up to today; leading up to this morning, actually. My husband hasn't
said anything, but I’m sure he’s realized what an absolute DELIGHT I've been
over the last week or so. But I know he wouldn't say anything rude himself,
since his own mother is gone too.

But the actual time of her death has come and gone, and for
some bizarre reason, I feel a little lighter now, in this instance, than I have
lately. I don’t know why, other than the weight of the day hanging over my head
the way it has. In a way, it’s much like once we got home from our visit post-Mom
visit home when we spread her remains. I came home with bronchitis, and sick as
a dog, but I survived that trip. I have survived today, as well.

I can’t call it an anniversary, because to me, an
anniversary invokes celebrating something good, not marking the worst day of
your life. I try to remind myself of something Mom used to say, when we found
out the cancer was terminal: the cancer was winning, but once she died, she
would be the winner. When she died, it meant the cancer wouldn't be able to
continue to try to take over her body.

I still don’t know if I believe that. The last time she said
that to me, we were in the living room back home. I was sitting on the floor.
She was laying on the couch. I told her that was a pretty shitty way to win.
She agreed and then said, “It is what it is.”

Jesus Christ, I will forever fucking HATE that phrase:
“It is what it is.” I know she said it because she was helpless with her health
and she did accept everything that was happening to her, but I will forever
hate that phrase.

My smile for today, and I’ll probably cry as I write this,
is the story of my mom trying to take care of my father’s old computer. This
story makes my friends scream with laughter when I tell it to them for the
first time.

Several years ago, maybe 6-7 years, my father decided it was
time to replace his first computer with a newer model. Keep in mind, he had
his first computer for 4-5 years and knows NOTHING about how to really use it.
If there was a computer that would take you only to YouTube and Gmail, I think
that’s the kind of computer he’d need. So, he brings the new computer home,
moves the old one into the laundry room and sets it on the floor (with it’s
great big ol’CRT monitor), sets up the new one on his desk, and goes to work.
That evening, my mom calls me.

“I want to know what to do with the old computer,” Mom says.
“How do I take care of it?”

“What do you mean, Mom? Take care of it how?” I ask her.
It’s a weird request, coming from her. Over the years, she sent me exactly ONE
email from my father’s account. She just didn’t enjoy it. She’d rather talk on
the phone.

“He doesn't need the old computer anymore, so I want to know
what to do with it so I can toss it out in the garbage and no one can get any
info off of it.” Ah ha! Now she’s making sense. Never mind the fact my father
has NOTHING personal on his hard drive: no financial stuff, no banking or bill
info. Only his email address book.

“Oh, that’s easy Mom. Just call Josh and tell him the next
time he’s there, to remove the hard drive from the tower. He can either keep it
as a back up, or Shane will take it.” Josh is my brother-in-law and my father’s
go-to local computer repair guy.

“So I don’t have to break it?”

“What? Break what, Mom?” This is getting weird again.

“The monitor. That’s where all the information and stuff
lives, right?” When she said this, I had a vision all of a sudden: my mother
had the monitor downstairs in the laundry room, sitting on top of spread out
newspapers. The screen would be facing up, and she’s kneeled in front of it, a
hammer in her cocked back arm, getting ready to swing down and break the screen
into a million little pieces, so no one can access the information that doesn't
exist and wouldn't live in there, even if it did exist.

“Holy shit, NO! Don’t break the monitor, Mom! You’ll just
make a mess! Nothing lives in the monitor. It’s like a TV.”

“So what do I need to do then?”

“Leave it alone and let Josh take care of it. He’ll know
what to do.”

Then things start getting even more hysterical, but she’s
dead ass serious. “So I don’t have to break the monitor?”

“No. Put the hammer away.”

“What about the speakers? Do I need to break them?”

“No, the speakers can go straight into the garbage, and so
can the keyboard and the mouse.” I remember I’ve got to break this down simple
for her, because when it comes to computers, I look like a genius compared to
my mom. And compared to my husband when it comes to computers, I look like a
moron.

“So where does the information live then?” She sounds like
she doesn't believe me.

“Okay, you see the tall beige/grey thing that used to sit on
his desk next to the monitor? That’s called the tower. THAT’S where everything
lives. Let Josh open that up and take out the hard drive. He’ll know what to do
with it.”

“I don’t need to break that?” I swear, I think she just
wanted to break something that night.

“No, and don’t even try to open it. There are a bunch of
little parts inside of it and Josh only needs to remove one of them. I wouldn't
even be able to describe it to you well enough for you to be able to find it
anyway.”

“Okay, I’ll just leave it alone until Josh comes home with
your sister next.” She actually sounded a little bummed out at this point.

So that was the story of my mom trying to prep an old
computer to be tossed out for the garbage men to pick up. It makes me smile
every time I think about it. I’m sure that right now, if she’s able, she knows
I’m writing about that night and she’s all put out and little offended that I
would find that conversation funny. She’d say something like, “Hey now, don’t
make fun of me! I didn't know any better!” And then she’d probably try to go
for the sympathy/pity effect: “You should be ashamed of yourself, making fun of
your poor old mother with cancer!” We heard that a few times over the years.
It’s weird that we (me, my sister and Mom) could actually make cancer jokes and
she’d be the target. I don’t think me and my sister would be able to do those
jokes anymore, because they just wouldn't be funny.

One year down. It just can’t be. Didn't I just talk to her
on the phone last week? Didn't I just see her the week before that?

I still miss you Mom, just as much as I did when it
happened. I don’t know that this year has made it any easier to deal with a
life in which you’re not a part of anymore.

Sunday, November 9, 2014

The blanket continues again! It's kind of a shitty picture tonight because off to the left side is Cujo, and he's making me share the couch with him. Working up towards the ear holes in the helmet and the on-going face mask. I haven't taken any measurements of it just yet.

Good Geek Quotes To Live By

“Being a geek is all about being honest about what you enjoy and not being afraid to demonstrate that affection. It means never having to play it cool about how much you like something. It’s basically a license to proudly emote on a somewhat childish level rather than behave like a supposed adult. Being a geek is extremely liberating.”

--Simon Pegg

"Being a fangirl or a nerd means that you’re not afraid to love things. That’s what it really gets down to: a conscious decision to not let societal stigma tell you how appropriate your feelings are or are not."--Sara @ Fantastic Fangirls

"Wil Wheaton Says: Don't be a dick"--Wil Wheaton

"All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."