He made a post about having lost it at (I think) our loss at Atlanta, and said he blew up and scared the crap out of his kid. Said he was quitting watching the Seahawks because he couldn't control himself. I don't know if it's really permanent or not, hopefully he'll come back and continue to watch our beloved Seahawks and control his temper better; but who knows.

Just got a note from Jon. Medically things not going very well for him right now but he said to say hello to his friends and thanks for thinking of him.

They've not been able to find a cure for his interior wellness. Having trouble keeping food down. Has been out of work since last July because of his sick leave and not having much luck battling his insurance company former employer.

We will continue being in touch and I will let you know as soon as I hear anything.

Hi guys. Thanks a lot. Les contacted me via facebook. I really appreciate the words and for Les reaching out. Yes, I'm quite sick. The length of this post will prove it. I don't have the energy to "go long" anymore. I feel like shiz. Al Davis looks better than I do now-a-days, and yes I realize he's dead. Maybe the post will be long, but what I would have typed in five minutes (that's about the most I'll spend on a post... no lie) will likely take me an hour today. I am just so so so worn down and dreary. My whole body wants to quit.

If things improve I'm going to make good on my deal with PeHawk and be in Puyallup for my Brother-in-law's wedding on October 12th I think. It's a Saturday. I am not even up to driving, so we're flying in to town... but still sketchy on that due to my health. I've been off solids about 90% of the time since July and had 3 surgeries already and they've drawn enough blood to fill my whole body. It sucks. I think it's one reason I got so angry after that playoff game. I am a big ball of emotion, and that's not such a proud place to be. I am just angry and frustrated at life and that comes across during the game. I have to squish everything up. We were also living in my mom's basement at that time, which was really stressful with all of us packed in her house. Luckily we had saved for 20 years and bought the land and gotten a house going while I was still employed. It all went through ok as I had gotten my mortgage settled just prior to getting axed. We moved in a couple of weeks ago after massive delays (city had problems due to some revamps they were doing for me for future wheelchair access and such which doctors tell me is a when, not an if... unless I kick the bucket first). So we're in a new house that we can't afford, but at least my wife got it painted Hawks colors. I'm not kidding. I didn't think she'd do it, but she had a home custom built and had it finished in Hawks blue with gray trim and white thrown in around the windows, but she got it prewired for neon green Christmas lights. Pretty awesome lady she is.

Honestly I thought I was banned. Somebody said I was getting a timeout in a post and I said 'adios' because I wasn't going to be able to log in and read the "you're banned" message. It would have broken my heart. I know that sounds sappy and stupid, but it was around the same day I got terminated by my employer (which was one day after Liberty Mutual approved my long term disability... so all was good). "Mysteriously" 12 hours later Liberty Mutual caseworker calls back and says she reconsidered and I need to go back to work. I said they terminated me 12 hours previous for exhausting my sick leave. She acts all surprised (best performance in a lying insurance phone call goes tooooooooo.....). Anyway, they really screwed me over. They want me to PAY THEM to appeal, because they say all I can do is go to arbitration, but I have to pay for it. How am I going to pay the $9000? I can't. So I'm screwed. The lady who reconsidered and reversed my claim immediately after my firing is the same person I'd appeal to as well. It isn't even an independent group. So I know I'd lose that one. My final appeal would be the arbitration panel, of which I pay for and THEY get to pick the arbitrator, and I have to go to Connecticut or some crap for a hearing. Yeah... that's going to happen. Screw Liberty Mutual. I hope they burn to the ground. SOB's. There I go getting angry again. I don't have time for that. Sorry.

Anyway, the whole fam damily is going to Washington in October and I'm going to try like crazy to go up there and stay through Sunday and see the Hawks play the Oilers (yeah, I still call them that). That's the hope. I don't know if I can afford tickets, but it would be fun to take my son to a game and show him that I can enjoy the game like a civilized human being. I'll probably have to sit up in the snobbier seats so I can sit down (which is another money concern... but if anybody sees a group of tickets together in the sit down and shut up and watch the game section, let me know... I know Ryan, it's not your cup of tea, but it is all that I think will work for me now). I can't do the stand up all game thing. Maybe I will by October if I have a big positive swing and suddenly can eat again and my leg starts working and magical fairies and unicorns sprinkle rainbow dust on me and my busted up spine heals. But maybe not. It gives me something to look forward to anyway.

I'm grateful my wife put this wedding money away a year ago when they decided to get married. She's smart like that. She did the same over the last 13 years we've been married and 20 years we've been working to put money aside for a house we could retire in. We sacrificed a lot for a lot of years, and I'm proud of her for doing so. We didn't go to Hawks games. We didn't go to the Superbowl, when we had money sitting there. We skipped a lot of things that would have been awesome. Now we have money to go to the wedding and we're in a house I can't pay for. Luckily she's making enough to make the payments right now. Medical bills are kicking my balls in though. We've not touched the wedding money though (no way I'm letting the doctors take that... I'll continue paying them $10 a month, but I won't take away the money for her to see her only brother get married), so that no matter what, we can be there. It means that much to her to be there to see her only brother get married, and that makes me really proud of her and I will do everything in my power to get there.

Her brother has a condition that could kill him at any time, so it is super important to her. It just happens to coincide with a Hawks home weekend. Maybe I'll feel better and be working again by then somewhere else that treats me well and gives me half decent health insurance (so I can get a spinal cord stimulator, which is supposed to allow me to walk again by shutting off the pain signals, and should even help my gut supposedly according to the "rep" from the company that makes the implantable device... it's like a pain pace maker, but it's like $50,000 installed by a surgeon and the item itself is like 40 grand from Boston Scientific, and my really limited insurance now is balking at that and says to just give me more meds... so I can hurry up and die) and can go all out and meet up for a pregame lunch or something and buy a jersey for my kid and my wife and myself and all of the stuff I've planned to do for years but always put aside. At this rate, I've got to hurry and get to a game before I'm just 100% bedridden and can never get up there again. It's getting to that point unfortunately. Today I left the house for the first time since we moved here. I drove to Walmart to buy some crackers. It was weird. A neighbor was outside and did a bunch of double-and triple takes as I got into my truck and drove off. I honestly don't think he knew I lived here.

So I'm shooting for that weekend's game with maybe my wife and my 9 year old, and probably not bringing my 4 year old since Strawberry Shortcake won't be playing. She won't be interested. I'll drop her off with my cousin who lives on Green Lake or something for the afternoon and let them drink wine and eat cheese or whatever she does all day. Heh heh.

Sorry if this is really confusing and discombobulated. I've had a really hard day. I haven't slept in about 40 hours and my pain levels are at about a 9.5 and my stomach just feels like somebody is twisting a knife in my gut.

Thanks for caring guys. It means a lot. I'll try to drop in when I'm feeling ok.

Jon

P.S. I called it on Ziggy Ansah. Hahaha! I had him pegged from game 1 last year. Somebody heap credit on me eh? I also broke the "Manti Te'o is an immature knucklehead and I can't go into it story" on this site well before Deadspin did. That has to earn me something, right? Where's my cookie? Oh wait. I'd barf it up anyway. Feel free to keep it.

P.P.S. The Hawks are watching Kyle Van Noy of BYU closely already. I am not pulling that one out of a magic hat. It's a fact. It is one reason I am wondering about their lack of jumping all over OLB's in this draft. They see Van Noy as a superior LBer to the guy who committed to go to BYU with him (Manti Te'o) who can play all 3 positions and line up as a safety or as a speed rusher. Te'o was a good 2nd round pick I think. But Van Noy has a ton more talent. Watch for the kid this year. Scouts have been hovering around campus during spring practices and I'm not talking low level regional scouts. I'm talking the same guys that all of a sudden came out of the woodwork about midway through last season to watch Ziggy play. I'll at least try to keep you updated. If you get bored, watch BYU this year. The kid who was promised the starting job after Luck left when Harbaugh did and is now BYU's starting QB. Name is Taysom Hill. He runs a read option and is running 4.4 and is an NFL sized QB. Should be fun to watch. He's coming off of a torn ACL, and my good friend is a strength trainer and preps these guys around here to go to the combine (he trained up Ziggy and a kid named Brandon Ogletree and they put up ridiculous numbers at the combine). He has been working with Taysom Hill and says he is fully recovered from his ACL and looks even bigger and faster. He's about Andrew Luck's size, but runs like a WR and is a read option/pistol guy. Should be fun to watch for those who like that offense since that's what the Hawks run sometimes.

I'm really glad you were able to stop in and catch us up. Nerve pain is a special kind of hell and I am very sorry that you are going through this. You've always been one of the good guys and I'm not sure where the idea that you were in trouble came from, so please put that out of your mind and know that we're here for you. Please come and talk about how things are going whenever you feel like it. There's something about writing things out for others to read that helps in coping with difficult and painful situations, at least I have found this to be true for myself.

Sucks about the insurance company. but I'm very glad that you have a good woman in your life. Makes all the difference in the world.

I think I know what you mean about it sometimes feeling like life is attacking you. I have at times felt this way very strongly. But I think that's just the Lizard brain(amygdalae) kicking in and doing what it does when it percievnes a threat to your well being. It's hard to shake off for sure though.

I really *really* hope you can make it to the oilers game . That sounds like a lot of fun. I've yet to see the Seahawks at the CLink. I saw them at the playoff game in Atlanta, boy those Atlanta fans got a bit hostile towards the end there when it looked like we were going to win. I thought some fights were going to break out for sure, but luckily that didn't happen where I was. Playoff football when it's your team is special, great memories even though the team did not win.

Yup, you called Manti te'o alright. You get full points for that one. Keep the Utah scouting reports coming!

Be good Shark. I could offer you tickets but they are in the 300 level, way up near the top of the 3rd level, so that doesn't sound like it will work. Good luck on getting the tickets, hopefully there will be a chance for you to make the game. Sorry to hear the constant pain issue is back and that really blows that your claim was reversed. Pulling for an upswing in your fortunes my good man.

It's good to read a post from you, Shark. It always seems unbelievable the amount of personal pain you have to endure but it is encouraging to know you always get through it. Always keep fighting and you'll end up winning, no matter what.

In regards to affording snobby seats, is there some way we could start a .net pool and buy this dude some tickets? I mean if there's one guy that deserves to go to a freakin' Seahawks game during one of the only times he comes up, it is probably SharkHawk. Not that you need charity, Shark, it would just be a nice gesture.

Jon,I have 2 tickets in the lower bowl waiting for you and your son in October. Show up, and you got great seats to see your Hawks. Only stipulation is that you have to swing by the .NET pregame stomping grounds to meet me and maybe a few others.

I'll be in touch as we get closer. Thanks to all that were willing to pitch in, but I got this one.

RockHawk wrote:Jon,I have 2 tickets in the lower bowl waiting for you and your son in October. Show up, and you got great seats to see your Hawks. Only stipulation is that you have to swing by the .NET pregame stomping grounds to meet me and maybe a few others.

I'll be in touch as we get closer. Thanks to all that were willing to pitch in, but I got this one.

RockHawk wrote:Jon,I have 2 tickets in the lower bowl waiting for you and your son in October. Show up, and you got great seats to see your Hawks. Only stipulation is that you have to swing by the .NET pregame stomping grounds to meet me and maybe a few others.

I'll be in touch as we get closer. Thanks to all that were willing to pitch in, but I got this one.

"We don't even need your stupid a-- that much. We can win Super Bowls with retired Kerry f------- Collins right now, and you want to be the highest paid player of all-time? F--- you." - Tical21 to Russell Wilson, 6/30/15

Stay upright and upbeat. And who gives a freaking (that's for you Les) thing about my preference? Take your son!

We'll still do a steak dinner. But, you won't have to do me for it. Only because you're sick though, if you're healthy, I expect the same from you as I would any woman I take out to dinner. Ill see ya in October.

P.S. Or, is this entire health thing a ruse because heavy is the crown of "Official Seahawks.Net MWC and WAC Scout"?

RockHawk wrote:Jon,I have 2 tickets in the lower bowl waiting for you and your son in October. Show up, and you got great seats to see your Hawks. Only stipulation is that you have to swing by the .NET pregame stomping grounds to meet me and maybe a few others.

I'll be in touch as we get closer. Thanks to all that were willing to pitch in, but I got this one.

If anyone wonders why you started this site and kept it alive through so much, and then worked with Rock to get it independent again (right in the middle of the whole mess with Scout and their awful interface, and thank you for forcing their hand and making it at least legible when we all had to go back... grrr ) and then eventually got here and had the place all ready and waiting to go... then look no further than this thread.

Todd... you built a place of kindness, friendship, fun, and oh yeah... shared love of the Seahawks. You've done anything and everything to keep it alive, and Mark has gone above and beyond to continue that mission. How many years in are you now? I remember Seahawks98, so it is at least 15 years. I can't remember what it was called before that, but I remember being here and many names have come and gone, but the mainstays have been here and even if they've left for a bit they've always found their way back. It isn't a website. It is what the web was created for though. It's here to share information and interact with others. Not for JCPenney to sell dockers.

That mission of uniting Hawk fans stays strong. What really honestly scares me to death is that with all I've gone through the past almost year, I'm worried that I'll disappear one day and my wife will have to come post that I'm gone. She doesn't know the specifics, but I did take the time to leave instructions in my will to alert you guys. Sounds terrible. But I have so many friends here that mean the world to me. As I've withdrawn from life I rely more and more on this place to keep me up to date on life and what's going on. I've missed everybody a great deal and missed out on Hawks news for months. It's been pretty crummy. I'm glad I got a few to log in over night while I'm up sick. Thankfully the good vibes and thoughts have made it a much better night than usual.

I worry about us all getting older and the inevitability that as we age, things will happen that will hurt us all. It's not a pleasant thought, but I'm worried about it.

Hopefully the next group that comes around (and we see them coming along) remembers this place and remembers to care about each other. Behind these words and behind these screens there are real human beings.

I fully admit I was a complete ass for many years here. I made a lot of mistakes. I was rude to other fans. I was rude to opposing fans. I went above and beyond to be irritating. I guess I thought it was funny. But it wasn't. It was hurtful to others I'm sure. I am grateful I've gained perspective on many things. Becoming a husband, a father twice, breaking my leg and back, blasting out the discs in my neck, going through college, having a teaching career that crashed and burned due to repeated back surgeries and a jerk of a boss, and now fighting the fight of my life have all taken place as a member of this board, and I hope I've grown from each thing and am truly a different person than I was the day I got here.

I hope that those of you who are new to the site realize that there is genuine care from others here. When I left my teaching job and was absolutely heartbroken, the guys on here filled my inbox with words of kindness and encouragement. That was two years ago and I remember all of the words of kindness, support, advice, offers of help with my resume' and tips on jobs. It was stuff that nobody needed to do. They just did it. They all took their common love of the Seahawks and used it as a connecting point with some guy named Jon who was really struggling and saved his life in some ways, and that to me is what makes us a family. Our common "brother" is the Seahawks and since we all love the Hawks then we all share a common passion. But we see the other commonalities we have, and that's a wonderful thing. New guys.... watch how the guys interact with me. They joke around, especially Pehawk, because I've known the guy for like 10 years and he knows that when he says that stuff that I'm laughing my head off, and he knows that I need it. Rockhawk has done many nice things over the years. I'm going to keep all of them quiet, because he didn't do them for credit. He did them because he is a good man and he cares about us. He wouldn't have set this place up when Scout went in the toilet if he didn't care about all of us.

So I thank you all. I also hope everybody else sees that this isn't guys pitying me or anything else. It is just what strong neighborhoods, or communities do. But to me this is more than a "hang out" or a "neighborhood" or a "community". It's much tighter than that. It's a brotherhood and a sisterhood. It's very close to a family, because the folks here that have been around forever and keep coming back and show class and kindness are like brothers and sisters. We laugh, we poke fun, we argue, we make up, we go through all of the emotions, and when somebody needs a lift, they're there to lift them up.

I can remember Dr. Diags giving me kind words randomly one day on another board entirely, because I think I had been banned or something for a bit. He just wanted to say hello and that he'd wondered what I was up to. Radish tracked me down on Facebook just to tell me to come back and say hello and that people were concerned about me. That's cool stuff. Pehawk offers to get me a steak dinner, and I don't even have to put out (for once!). Rockhawk offers me game tickets for myself and my little boy who wants nothing more than to go somewhere with this Dad other than to a specialist and sit in the waiting room playing his PSP and hoping like hell that I don't come out and say I have cancer. I've watched that kid stress to the point where he's ready to crack. And here somebody on this board has offered to step up and make sure that me and Ben can just have a day to forget all of those many visits to the hospital and all of the unpleasantness that went with it and just enjoy a day.

Learn from it young guys. Be a part of the community. Do something nice. Say something nicer. Lift somebody up. You never ever know what's going on to the person on the other end of the screen. I learned that the hard way, and I wish that I could take a thousand rude comments I've made about and to others over the years back. But I can't. All I can do is try to be more like all of you who posted in this thread and be as good of a man as I can be.

Thanks for all you've done guys. There's not a dry eye here right now. Thankfully I'm typing this at 4:00 AM when the family is asleep and Dad gets to have his quiet moments of contemplation and get the "this sucks and I hate it" stuff out of the way so I can put a brave face on for the day so the kids don't get too suspicious about how things are. They know. Kids are smart. Especially Ben. He's too smart for his own good. But he lets me pretend things are a-ok and he plays along. He's a good boy. I'm rambling as usual, but as long as I'm an overly emotional girly girl right now then I might as well get it out of my system. I promise to man up and be the 39 year old who thinks he's cool and likes to talk Hawks real soon. I just needed my chance to get up on my little podium and thank you all for seeing me as I am, accepting me as I struggle, and lifting me when I fall down. It means the world to me, and I'm very blessed to have so many wonderful friends here that I know and care about, and the opportunity to meet so many more and hopefully I'll get to give a positive back to somebody else down the line. Even if it is just the realization for somebody that we all are real folks with real feelings and although it's not "cool" to be all sappy and such to your online pals... sometimes it's the only right thing to do, and some places (like THIS place) we won't accept anything but the best of treatment of our big .NET Family. You get what you give in life. Let's give our best to each other, and get a ton of positive karma in return. Whether that's wins on the field, or just wins in life. We all deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

Thanks for letting me get it all out of my system. It's been all dressed up with nowhere to go for a long time. Thanks for making this place what it is Todd and for having a vision, and thank you Mark for carrying it forward, and thanks to the rest of you guys for carrying that torch on and making their vision a reality.

Jon (who was not assisted by any performance enhancing substances during this. I made sure not to take any of the stuff that makes me sleepy or loopy before typing this, as I figured it would be "I love you man" enough just on my normal emotions).