To go back or not to go back

I received a text message from my mother that my cousin (who is getting married) wants me to attend her wedding. They all live on the other side of the country and I don’t have the money to visit them; even if I did have the money I still don’t know if I even would. Well my mother offered to pay for my ticket to attend the wedding, and even though I would love to go back to California to visit my friends, I don’t really know if a free ticket and room is worth having to put up with my family. Because even if I do go, I don’t even know if I’d be able to visit my friends and do what I want to do. My family will see it as ‘we paid for the ticket, so you do exactly as we say’.

Also, I wouldn’t want to visit them alone, I’d want my ‘hubby’ to come with me, but my mother refused to offer to pay for him (which is understandable). She said that the ticket just for me will cost $600. So I looked online and TA-DA! I found two adult roundtrip tickets for under $500. I informed her of this, and she began telling me how no one will be able to house my ‘hubby’. I told her that we can stay in the same room, she then told me something silly about how she didn’t know if anyone would be comfortable with him staying in their home since he is not family.

Last time that he was in California with me, he faced the same thing. No one welcomed him and it was for the most hypocritical reason: Because of the color of his skin and what his financial situation was/the financial class he had been raised in.

My ‘hubby’ is darker than me, but we are from the same ethnicity; the island that he is from is literally right next to the island that my family is from. I grew up dirt poor, so did he. At the time he was still dirt poor, I had risen to lower middle class. But we both grew up in very similar situations and we just had a connection instantly. My family always told me how color and race never mattered, but then when I brought him home and even after we moved in together and even though we are still living together, my family wants nothing to do with him because he is of darker complexion and is not rich or middle class, so my family sees him as beneath them (myself included) and so they disapprove of us being together.

Even though our life is good together, especially when compared to others in my generation, they still disapprove to the point that many of my family members no longer speak or acknowledge me. We have lived together for going on 4 years, we do not have any children or debt. He has a career in his field of training, I have a job and am going to school and we are not constantly breaking up.

Even my cousin who is getting married, she and her fiance have called off the engagement at least 3 times in the less than 2 years that they have been dating. He first proposed to her when she found out that she was pregnant (about 3 months after they started dating), he then called it off because his mother got sick, then they started dating again after the baby was born, he proposed again, and then they broke it off again because he couldn’t stand living with her after they had moved in together. Then when the baby was about 5 months old they started dating again and got engaged again and then she broke off the engagement because she thought that he was cheating. And now they are engaged again and having a wedding ASAP.

I just don’t know, should I go back and expose myself to all the reasons why I left in the first place and have to hear the constant nagging of everyone as to why I’m not getting married and having children, and why am I allowing my younger family members to get married and have kids before me, and of course my favorite “Look at you, you’re so skinny, is he letting you eat?” “Look at your clothes, why don’t you have nice clothes? Doesn’t he buy you nice clothes?” “Look at yourself, you look so unkempt, why doesn’t he take care of you?”

I then get to explain how I pay for myself; I’m not dependent on my ‘hubby’ and I am an adult, I make my own choices and my ‘hubby’ supports most of my decisions. I chose to lose weight and become healthier, how we are waiting until after I finish college to start having serious discussions about marriage, how neither of us want children until after being married for a few years, how I choose to spend my money on things like school, bills and having fun, rather than spending $100 on a shirt or pair of pants, and how I choose to not wear make-up 24/7 and apply various expensive products to my hair, especially when I don’t need any of those things. Yes, my hair is very curly and frizzy, but that’s just how it is. If anything, I find it quite fun to know that I can easily pick my hair out into an afro at any given time. I don’t need to constantly wear make-up because I don’t really have anything to cover up. My face looks fine to me and everyone else that I know of; yes my face is a bit red when I blush or get too hot or cold, but that’s just how I am. Why should I wear expensive clothes and shoes when my clothes and shoes are just fine how they are and still look appropriate, and why should I buy all of the newest and latest things when my things are just fine.

So to go back and deal with it all, or to simply not go back right now and just wait until Christmas time when I will pay for it myself and be able to visit and spend my time exactly how I want to… decisions, decisions…