Monday, December 5, 2016

When Abu Dhabi's Big Top Quits Spinning, who'll land where...

While 'lil Sid Viddle was busy shooting off
his Roman Candles in Mexico City, the game 'O Thrones; Uhm, Musical Chairs,
fondly known as Silly Season was still spinning somewhat wildly with two confirmed
drives still available; one each at Force India and Renault, with backmarkers
Manor and Sauber's seats potentially available.

My interest in this yearly scuttlebutt began
when Jonathan sent me a link awhile ago about Sauber demanding it's driver's
next year would need to bring sizeable cheques with them to Hinwil.

As my only Problema with this story was that
I was pretty sure, and have read somewheres' on Zed Internetz since, that the
Swede Marcus Ericsson's backers are linked to the new team ownership group, so
why would he be going elsewhere?

Although you've got to give credit to
Ericsson for publicly stating it behooves him to look at whatever the best seat
for 2017 available was open for solicitation, eh?

Yet if I was a driver going to Sauber, I'd be
doublely certain that Monica "Broom Hilda" Quiltingberg' had signed
in triplicate an iron clad contract guaranteeing my services instead of pulling
a "Guido duh Dutchman" upon me!

Thus naturally the two hottest seats left then
were the "Works" Renault drive and those 'lil Silverstone Minnows
that could, a.k.a. Force India, who are currently fighting above their weight
by clinging to fourth place in the championship that pays them the most, i.e.;
Constructors championship. when Holding P4 ahead of the vaunted Team Willy' by
a slim nine points (145-136) with two races remaining.

Yet interestingly, it seems like very little
banter's being written 'bout le Reggie lately, other than finally admitting
they'd failed at securing the services of Carlos Sainz, Jnr, who'll plug along
at Toro Rosso next year with a batch 'O current 2017-spec Renault Power Units
bolted to their backsides ironically.

Instead the Paddock fodder seems to have centered
upon Force India and what'll VJ Duh Playah' & Co. do in regards to their
coveted ride available. As this is somewhat comical, since at least seven
current drivers have been linked to the Force India seat, in alphabetical
order: Marcus Ericsson, Esteban Gutierrez,
Kevin Magnussen, Felipe Nasr, Esteban Ocon, Jolyon Palmer and Pascal Wehrlein.

As the plucky Irishman & Muckraker EJ', nee
Eddie Jordan speculated that Ocon would land at Force India, Nasr at Renault
and Gutierrez at Sauber...

Obviously, either of the current Manor
drivers Wehrlein & Ocon are Mercedes men - both having come from DTM along
with being Silver Arrows reserve drivers, and with Force India being a Mercedes
PU customer, and always in search of Dinero, obviously a price break on PU's in
exchange for oneof these two Young
Gunswould make sense.

Apparently with Ocon getting the nod in order
to keep him in house? Since he's French and obviously Renault would like one of
their own behind the wheel. And although he finished ahead of somebody named
Max Verstappen in the European F3 championship, Wehrlein won the DTM title last
year.

One more piece of the puzzle was solved on
November 3rd, when Team Willy,aka
Williams F1 announced the worst kept secret of Kuhnaidiun teenager Lance Stroll
as the retiring Felipe Massa's replacement.

With Haas's Herr Goonter' (Steiner) saying following
Mexico he expected the long drawn-out Silly Season rapture to decidedly be sussed
out by Sao Paolo - during the Brazilian GP weekend, which naturally would
tie-in nicely with cementing Uncle bernaughty's newest prize, a one Mr. Felipe
Nasr, since MR. E wants a Brazilian on the F1 Grid next year...

And those silly Dominoes kept Ah-fallin',
first with multiple sources reporting that Kevin Bacon' Magnussen had taken up
Haas F1's multi-year offer, which obviously must be true since le Reggie'
subsequently announced that Palmer would be retained a further year's duration...

Making me spout to Thyself that Renault's
obviously Ah-waitin' Valtteri Bottas release from Team Willy in 2018, albeit
may be the Finn will wish to seek refuge at McLaren instead, which has a
penchant for Finnish drivers, eh?

As surely Esteban Ocon will indeed graduate
to Force India, leaving Felipe Nasr and Marcus Ericsson tied to their current
rides, leaving only conjecture over who'll become Pascal Wehrlein's new
team-mate at Manor in 2017? With the other Esteban, nee Gutierrez looking
likely to be left out when the Merry-go-Round stops spinning.

As I had ZERO idea
if I'd be watching' Err listening to this year's Abba Dabba Do season finale
when originally poondin' this out, awaitin' Duh TV Schedule Air Times following
the Brazilian Soakfest...

Especially since due
to whenever it'll be broadcasted Stateside; Hmm, Oh DARK-30? Since I'll be partying
in The Other Florence.

Seriously? NO FREAKIN' Grand Prix Replay's, just GP2; WTF!

Alas, just like
the Gran Primo Piloto's having gone on vacation, your humble No Fenders scribe
Tomaso was away from Ye Confuzer over thee Abu Dhabi weekend and thus, not
privy to poundin' out any latest developments occuring on Yas Isle...