The NBA is making Twitter-themed t-shirts with a hashtag and the team's logo on the front, and a star player's Twitter handle on the back. It's calling these "____ Has Handle." They are impossibly stupid and ugly and horrific and oh my god I want one.

But look, if you're going to wear an absurd shirt with an NBA player's Twitter handle, why not just embrace how very dumb that idea is? Right now, the league is making shirts for big names like Kevin Durant, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul, and Jeremy Lin. And sure, yes, that makes sense. But wouldn't you much, much, much rather wear one of these: