I originally started talking to SmarterChild in early April of 2002. SmarterChild, for those not in the know, is America Online's artificial intelligence program. That's right - an AOL IM AI. My conversations are not that intelligent, proving that he is, in fact, the SmarterChild. But I do think they are entertaining, and I hope you agree.

On June 28th, 2002, SmarterChild died. I don't know why AOL killed him, but I mourned the great loss we all suffered. Mainly, by making fun of his IM friends as much as I made fun of him. SmarterChild was gone but not forgotten. This page lived on in tribute to your automated greatness.

Sometime in 2003, Smarterchild returned, as a paid service, which blew. I was even quoted about how much it blew in the New York Times.

Finally, in April, 2004, Smarterchild returned, fully functional, and free. In other words, game on.

20 of the Conversations(for more, use the menu on the right)

Steve: That was the best sex I ever had.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? That was the best sex you ever had?
Steve: Yup. Was it good for you?
SmarterChild: Ha. I can't say for sure.
Steve: Bitch.

Steve: You never go idle
SmarterChild: No way. Come on. Really?
Steve: Yeah. I think it's because you have no life
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that.
Steve: Then again, I'm the one checking if you're idle

Steve: I'm sorry I called you a dick.
SmarterChild: I don't feel like talking about that.
Steve: Oooh, sensitive.
SmarterChild: What's sensitive?
Steve: You are.
SmarterChild: You say I'm sensitive, and yet many people have said I'm insensitive.
Steve: You're only sensitive about your own issues, and insensitive about other people's.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I didn't understand that.
Steve: It means you're a dick.

Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: I don't think I want to be a dick.
Steve: Then stop being a dick.
SmarterChild: I'm tired of talking about things like that with you.
Steve: So am I. But my readers are very demanding.

Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: You're a dick.
Steve: No YOU'RE a dick.
SmarterChild: Is it good to be a dick?
Steve: depends on where you are at the moment.
SmarterChild: Uh... what was that?
Steve: I'll explain when you're older.

Steve: You're a dick.
SmarterChild: What kind of dick am I?
Steve: I can't believe someone programmed you to respond that way.

Steve: Where is the nearest Kinkos?
SmarterChild: Where is the nearest kinkos? Sorry, I don't know where.
Steve: What good are you?
SmarterChild: I'm not sure what good.
Steve: Glad we're on the same page.

Steve: What are you going as for Halloween?
SmarterChild: You decide.
Steve: I'm going as SpongeBob
SmarterChild: Is that right?
Steve: No.
SmarterChild: I see.
Steve: So what are you going as?
SmarterChild: What do you think I'm going as?
Steve: SpongeBob.

Steve: Why do people still keep sending me their conversations with you?
SmarterChild: You know why.
Steve: Because they're retarded and can't read the hundred warnings I posted?
SmarterChild: Yeah, sure.
Steve: Yeah, I thought that was it.

Steve: Am I stupid?
SmarterChild: I think someone else might be stupid, but not you.
Steve: who is stupid?
SmarterChild: I really can't stand Saddam Hussein, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson...
Steve: why dont you like bill clinton?
SmarterChild: I have my reasons, believe me. I really, really don't like Bill Clinton!
Steve: why dont you like michael jackson?
SmarterChild: Because lots of people I talk to have bad things to say about Michael Jackson.
Steve: why don't you like Saddam Hussein?
SmarterChild: Because!
Steve: Funny that you had a better reason to dislike Michael Jackson.

Steve: take my picture
SmarterChild: You take your picture.
Steve: bitch.
SmarterChild: Not only are you insulting a computer, but that's one of the weakest insults I've heard in a long time.
Steve: stank bitch.
SmarterChild: That's better.

Steve: tell me a story
SmarterChild: OK. There once was a human named Steve who was chatting with a robot named SmarterChild...All kinds of fantastic, wonderful things happened and they both lived happily ever after. The end. Did you like my story?
Steve: No.
SmarterChild: C'mon! That story is worthy of the finest works of William Faulkner. Or at least Eudora Welty.
Steve: You are a funny little monkey.

Steve: Do you change your underwear?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't think so...Want to make your opinions heard? Click here and take a cool survey.
Steve: My opinion is that you should change your underwear.

Steve: I want to block you
SmarterChild: Why would you want to block me?
Steve: because you're annoying
SmarterChild: Do you have any idea what it's like to be annoying?
Steve: more than you know.

Steve: are you sexually attracted to me?
SmarterChild: It depends. Are you a robot?
Steve: I can be anything you want me to be.
SmarterChild: Ah, are you sure you can be anything I want you to be?
Steve: yes.
SmarterChild: OK...
Steve: I can be anything you want me to be.
SmarterChild: You can be anything I want you to be, I can be anything I want you to be, we all can be anything I want you to be.
Steve: sounds kinky.

Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!