Chinese Squawking Chicken Articles

It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday. I have three gift recommendations. The first one is self-serving so I’ll start with it. My book: Listen To The Squawking Chicken. Which is now available on trade paperback and it’s about my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. For the Squawking Chicken in your life, and not necessarily the Chinese kind, because I’ve heard from a lot of you with Jamaican Squawking Chickens and Portuguese Squawking Chickens and Texan Squawking Chickens.

And for the Fangirl in your life, The Fangirl’s Guide To The Galaxy by Sam Maggs. True story: boys don’t get to own geekdom. Do you know the House colours of Slytherin? Do you know who lives at Casterly Rock? Are you Dauntless? Do you know your District?

The latest feature on GOOP is about narcissistic parenting. I skimmed through it pretty quickly so maybe I’m totally off-base but my takeaway from it is that narcissistic parenting is bad. Which, I think, most people probably agree with…? Click hereFull Story

FKA twigs is was in Paris yesterday for a performance. Robert Pattinson was seen leaving the venue with her, just after PEOPLE reported that the two had exchanged “promise rings”.
I didn’t know we still did that.
Isn’t an engagement ring a “promise” ring? Or is a “promise” ring like a pre-engagement ring? I’ve been monogamous for a long time. Full Story

Did you know that it’s Chinese Valentine’s Day on Thursday? The Chinese Squawking Chicken gave me a list love matches and mismatches that I’ll post later this week.

Speaking of the Squawking Chicken…

I wrote a book called Listen To The Squawking Chicken that was released last year. THANK YOU for helping to make it a national bestseller! Today is the launch of the trade paperback with a brand new cover AND bonus content that includes an interview with my ma, the Squawking Chicken, and Feng Shui tips, and an FAQ, and more. You voted on the colour – here it is! For more details, please click here.

It is the Year of the Goat/Sheep. For some signs, when your year comes around, it’s not a great turn on the cycle. For example, if you’re a Tiger, your worst year is the Year of the Tiger. Because of how Chinese astrology perceives the nature of a Tiger: ferocious. When a Tiger meets a Tiger then, there can be no peace. There’s a saying in Chinese: no two Tigers can exist together in one place. That’s why the Tiger year is so sh-t for those who are born Tigers. Their instinct is to rip each other apart.

Chinese astrology, however, ascribes a very different temperament to the Goat/Sheep: gentle. Which means the Goat won’t hurt the Goat. Not much to be concerned about here. Maybe some minor challenges, like parking tickets or harmless fines – issues with authority, it sounds like – so you should still get your blood checked and teeth cleaned but overall, it won’t suck. Read Full Intro

Change your sheets tonight. Wash your hair too. No hair washing starting tomorrow and, if you can, at least until the weekend. Can’t wash away the New Year Luck, right?

So today we profile those born in the Year of the Pig and the Year of the Dog. The Pig is the last of the three lucky signs during the Year of the Goat/Sheep alongside the Rabbit and the Rooster. In May and June though, for Pigs, you have to watch your money. And just because you’re luckier than most this year it’s not an excuse to be condescending or to get cocky. Especially since in September and October you could run into some minor legal issues. Also in September and October, be extra mindful of your health and your family’s health.

As I mentioned yesterday, our rainbow butterfly, Mimi Carey, was born in the Year of the Dog. Read Full Intro

If it was a long weekend for you as it was for me (Family Day in parts of Canada/Presidents Day in the US), I hope you’re rested. Because, finally, it’s Oscar Week!

But first…

Chinese New Year on Thursday!

We have a few more signs to get through before then. And since we missed yesterday, we’re doubling up today on the Monkey and the Rooster.

For those born in the Year of the Monkey, “STEADY” is your word during the Goat/Sheep. Keep everything level. No risks. No major decisions. For example, this might not be the best time to buy a house. Everything requires careful consideration this year because you’re getting ready for next year, the Year of the Monkey. So, instead of being aggressive, you’re conserving all of it – your money, your energy. Read Full Intro

Rachel McAdams continued to work on True Detective Season 2 yesterday in LA. Rachel’s Chinese astrological sign is Horse. The Chinese Squawking Chicken says there’s not too much to be concerned about for the Horse during the Year of the Goat/Sheep. In fact, this year, the Horse will benefit from two Lucky Stars who could help them at work – a promotion and/or a raise is very possible. It’s an entrepreneurial year for the Horse, a good time to go into business. Which means it’ll be a busy year that might involve a lot of travel.

If you’re a Horse and you find yourself frustrated, unhappy, if there are challenges that you can’t seem to find solutions to…

Book a holiday. Don’t stay home and dwell on it. Your answers will come to you when you’re away. Read Full Intro

If you think the Best Actor Oscar race between Michael Keaton and Eddie Redmayne is too close to call, will this change your mind? Michael Keaton is a Rabbit.

During the Year of the Goat/Sheep, only 3 signs out of the 12 signs are on a luck run. The Rabbit is one of them. No major warnings then from the Chinese Squawking Chicken. Still, don’t get too comfortable, don’t coast, and don’t tempt fate. Like, just because you’re riding a streak it doesn’t mean you should fight every fight for the sake of winning it. Don’t sweat the small sh-t or turn petty drama into a big deal. Because that’s a waste of luck on things that don’t matter. Here’s an example ma gave me to pass along: let’s say you filed some paperwork, some documentation, and it gets f-cked up, a clerical error, whatever, and it’s a pain in the ass to fix it, like you might have to spend an hour on hold clarifying some details. Read Full Intro

You know who was at the Grammys with hardly a mention? Courteney Cox. Maybe you didn’t recognise her. I wish she had chosen a better pair of shoes.

Anyway, that’s my not very subtle segue to Dragons. Courteney Cox was born in the Year of the Dragon. And it’s the Dragon’s turn today. According to my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, the Year of the Goat/Sheep won’t suck for the Dragon (which is why she hasn’t devoted a lot of energy to an extensive review; for her, she focuses on the signs and situations that require most concern; nobody needs to be prepared for good things to happen), although male Dragons will be luckier than females. If you’re looking for one, the best pet for a Dragon is a turtle. Chinese Astrology is random, I know.

The most vulnerable time for Dragons this year will be from the first week of October to the first week of November. Read Full Intro

Did you know that both Taylor Swift and Kanye West were born in the Year of the Snake? If you’re a Snake too, here’s what my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, is advising for the Year of the Goat/Sheep:

Might not be the best year for personal relationships and, in particular, business relationships could be strained.

You need to be mindful of injury. Be very careful between the first week of March and the first week of April. And again between the first week of May and the first week of June. Those would be the ideal times to donate blood or to get your blood checked and/or see the dentist.

As for Taylor and Kanye, what would the Grammys have been without the two of them? You complain… but if you took them away from the action, considering that show was almost FOUR HOURS LONG, there would have been a lot less entertainment, a lot less for us to gossip about. Read Full Intro

Wednesday was the Start of Spring on the Chinese calendar meaning it’s now officially the Year of the Goat/Sheep (even though Chinese New Year is on February 19th). That day I posted a Squawking Chicken (my ma) advisory for those born in the Year of the Ox. The Goat/Sheep is the opposing sign of the Ox…which means that the Ox (and that includes me) is in for some sh-t. Click here for a refresher.

I’ve had several follow-up Ox emails since that post. Most commonly, you’re asking about being a pregnant Ox in the Year of the Goat/Sheep and giving birth to a Goat/Sheep. The Squawking Chicken’s recommendation: Godparents. But make sure your child’s godparents are NOT born Ox. Read Full Intro

On the Chinese calendar, today is the Start of Spring. Which means that, technically, the Year of the Horse is over and the Year of the Goat/Sheep has begun. Chinese New Year is on February 19. But the astrological year actually kicks off today. I know it’s confusing but we live by the moon.

Anyway, every Chinese zodiac sign has its sign of opposition. Last year, the Horse was sh-tty for Rats. In the Year of the Goat/Sheep, it’s the Ox who will have it rough.

That’s me. And some of you too.

As she always does, my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, has some advice if you’re an Ox:

Get your teeth cleaned or your blood checked in March. I can’t get into too much detail about why but it can’t hurt to see the dentist and/or go for a physical. Read Full Intro

You know what my friend Teri Hart, who moderated last night’s SMUT Soiree pointed out? We see Matt Damon hanging out with George Clooney and John Krasinski. We see him with other people, other friends. Who does Ben Affleck spend time with?

A few years ago, it was at the private poker game with Tobey Maguire and Leonardo DiCaprio. But that’s gambling. That’s not… friend time. When he’s at the casino, more often than not, he’s alone. Someone needs to psychologise that for me.

The full post-SMUT wrap-up, with photos and gossip details, will be posted tomorrow. Thanks to all of you who came! From so far – Montreal, Ottawa, New York, and Boston! Also thanks to all of you for growing my ma’s already enormous ego. Read Full Intro