Guest Blog: Dating is complicated, or is it?

Who hasn’t uttered those two words when confronted with the realization that the perfect man you’ve been dating, with whom you share an intense connection, may not be showing up.

Of course, he’s there. He’s texting, calling you baby, sleeping with you, and maybe even cooking you dinner. You fall asleep in each other’s arms, and you blissfully leave the next morning, more confident than ever in the direction your relationship is heading.

But that’s Tuesday. By Wednesday, he needs to withdraw. By Saturday, your stomach is in knots, wondering where he is and why he hasn’t contacted you. You replay Tuesday’s date over and over again in your mind, looking for some sign, something that you may have missed. Just when you’ve gone over all possible explanations with your girlfriends, and wisely ignored their advice to, “just call him and say hey,” your text message alert goes off:

I miss you.

This may or may not be past 9:00 at night, and more often than not it is past midnight. A smile spreads across your lips, your heart swells, and you scold yourself for being so dramatic. He misses you–he just needed some time. All is right with the world.

Until next week, that is, because this is the pattern. These high-charged shifts between being emotionally available and then withdrawing back into his own little world leave you in a constant state of confused limbo, analyzing what you should or could do to revive Tuesday’s bliss. When a few brave friends question you about his disappearing acts, you respond with:

It’s complicated.

Girl, it is not complicated. This man, this perfect man, for whatever reason, is not in this and probably never was. We can’t do this to ourselves anymore. We can’t pretend we are in relationships with men that are not showing up.

The right person is not enigmatic. The right person shows up, literally and figuratively. The right person calls when he says he’s going to call, and you honestly aren’t left wondering if he will or he won’t. Because he always does. And you will never, ever, have to say, “it’s complicated” with the right person. Because guess what? It’s never complicated. It either is, or it isn’t.