Do you feel cybersex is cheating?

Generally speaking among gay men, do feel that having anonymous webcam cybersex behind your partner's back is cheating if you are in a monogamous relationship? Or is cybersex a form of fantasy similar to porn?

For us the answer is yes and will always be a yes. Also, the whole thing about being behind your partners back raises a lot of questions. If you are hiding it or lying about it then that makes it worse even if he is ok with it. Discuss it with your partner rather than ignore it.

I personally don't think if you have a partner or a BF you really like and love there is no need to go around and watch other guys masturbate or do cam2cam stuff.Man go and do that with your partner i am sure it would be much better then on cam,hehe and for me it would be cheating.

tomchadwin saidGenerally speaking among gay men, do feel that having anonymous webcam cybersex behind your partner's back is cheating if you are in a monogamous relationship? Or is cybersex a form of fantasy similar to porn?

Would really like to get people's opinions and analysis. Thanks.

That's the key right there for me. If you are doing something sex related you hide from your partner, it's cheating in my opinion.

ZJ_JB saidFor us the answer is yes and will always be a yes. Also, the whole thing about being behind your partners back raises a lot of questions. If you are hiding it or lying about it then that makes it worse even if he is ok with it. Discuss it with your partner rather than ignore it.

You've hit the nail on the head here, not sure I'd say it were cheating but definitely there's a communications issue. These are things you should be able to discuss with your partner. You might not like the answer, but put it on the table and talk about it, you might be surprised!

A relationship is not a contract, and is not about trying to find loopholes and exceptions to the rule.

Have to disagree with you here. I think it is a contract, you've agreed to be with someone and therefore you are obligated however, part of that contract means negotiations, talk! If the other person says no you can not have cybersex and then refuses to have a sexual relationship with you, they've broken the contract. No one can limit another persons actions but as the other person, you need to wake up and look in the mirror and say, I don't do it because he's asked me not to, I love him and I can be fulfill in whatever ways we've discussed. TALK, TALK, TALK.

It is a form of cheating if you are in a relationship. If you are needing sex or spicing up your sex life, talk to your partner.

the key to any relationship is talking about it and sex is one of them. You may be happy on what your partner may be thinking... Both of you together can come up with great ideas on upcoming sex adventures in the bedroom!

A relationship is not a contract, and is not about trying to find loopholes and exceptions to the rule.

Have to disagree with you here. I think it is a contract, you've agreed to be with someone and therefore you are obligated however, part of that contract means negotiations, talk! If the other person says no you can not have cybersex and then refuses to have a sexual relationship with you, they've broken the contract. No one can limit another persons actions but as the other person, you need to wake up and look in the mirror and say, I don't do it because he's asked me not to, I love him and I can be fulfill in whatever ways we've discussed. TALK, TALK, TALK.

You don't NOT do something in a relationship because the other has asked you not to.

You don't do it because you don't want to risk hurting that person and you feel a sense of obligation to protect that person from hurt.

What I meant by it not being a contract, is that it's not something to examine and determine what you can and can't 'get away with'

I personally don't class it as cheating but I guess it's not a particularly acceptable thing to do in a relationship. If my bf did it then I would probably not be too impressed but actually I don't think I would mind too much, providing it wasn't done all the time at the expense of sex with me. If they met in real life though, I think that's taking it too far.

Why do you go online to ask a bunch of strangers if they think that cybersex is cheating? Shouldn't that be a discussion and decision between two men in a relationship? I mean for some couples (hetero and homo) having sex with someone else isn't cheating as long as the other half of the couple knows; or, if you are out of town and have sex it isn't cheating; or if you have sex with someone while your partner watches it isn't cheating; or if you don't have sex in the home you share with your partner it isn't cheating; or as long as the partner doesn't find out it isn't cheating......get my point? The only way that this question can be answered is through the discussion process that would happen between the two (or more) people involved in the relationship. So, in some relationships I would imagine that yes cybersex is cheating and in others I would imagine that it doesn't matter at all.......but those are decisions made within the relationship itself not in an online post-forum.

Thisuserexists saidYou don't NOT do something in a relationship because the other has asked you not to.

You don't do it because you don't want to risk hurting that person and you feel a sense of obligation to protect that person from hurt.

I agree with your meaning on this and I don't think we disagree on this. My point was that if you care about the person you don't do it because to do so would hurt him. Exactly as you've described although perhaps I wasn't descriptive enough.

What I meant by it not being a contract, is that it's not something to examine and determine what you can and can't 'get away with'

I agree here too, it's not the 'loop holes' as you say, it's doing what will support the relationship. I still contend that if you communicate you can avoid these kinds of issues and get to know each others needs and desires so much more.

no, but it feeds the idea which turns into a desire that can evolve into action... then it is cheating.

i personally dont have problem with it if its only for feeding attention seekers, but once a boundary is crossed (meeting, text, phone), and interferes with the relationship, then it becomes a major issue