‘Modern Family’: Season 3, Episode 11, ‘Lifetime Supply’: TV Recap

Whew. The holiday season — for TV fans, the most un-wonderful, rerun-filled time of the year– has come to an end. And that means “Modern Family” is back. We love you, TV. Never run away like that again.

On to the big event!

Don’t you hate when you win a lifetime supply of razor blades on a game show, and then you worry about your impending mortality? What? Never happened to you? Well, Phil has serious angst over this stuff. Just keep up with us here…

Phil kicks off the episode with a worrying visit to the doctor’s office. (Great throwaway line from Phil’s M.D. to his underwear-clad patient: “You can stop holding your stomach in.”) Phil’s has a bit of a tender spot under one arm, and his doc wants to run some tests. Phil is worried. And then later at home Phil realizes he has run out of his “lifetime supply” of twin-blade razors he won on a game show we see in a flashback. (The show was called Smarty Pants.)

Then Phil misses a phone call from his doctor, and starts to freak out about what his test results may show. Gloria doesn’t help by talking about bad omens in the form of a dream about a black mouse and a staircase on a meadow. “He is a saint and you will miss him when he’s gone,” Gloria yells at Haley, who’s annoyed that Phil is doting over her while she practices her awful Spanish with Gloria’s help.

Over at the other house, Mitchell wins an award for environmental law. And he is proud of it. So proud of it he places his own acrylic wonderthing on his mantle. Cam, not one who wants to be topped, adds a prideful knicknack of his own: a regional fishing trophy from Missouri.

Mitchell is not impressed, but he is annoyed that Cam is trying to steal his trophy thunder. Mitchell says he won a “distinguished professional award” from “my peers.” Mitchell says Cam won his award “on a pier.” See what he did there? Fun with Homophones!

Mitchell gives up when Alex says she feels the same way when she wins awards and her parents feel they must put them alongside Haley’s “participation ribbons” and whatever else they give dummies who aren’t good in school. This makes Mitchell realize he was acting like a teenage girl. He gives up. Later, he finds a treasure trove of Cam’s trophies in the garage, for winning all kinds of stuff in art, football, science, chili cook offs, etc.

Meanwhile, Gloria tells the rest of the family about her premonition of Phil’s health (skipping the black mouse as bad omen, of course), and they think Phil is really sick. They even spook Claire, who Phil refers to as his flight attendant indicator. That is, if the flight attendant seems calm and keeps serving drinks on the flight, then everything is fine. If she’s freaking out, the plane is going down. In this case, Claire has taken out the drinks cart and downed all the top shelf booze herself — metaphorically. It turns out nothing is wrong. The doctor was calling about a real estate deal. Crisis averted.

Meanwhile, Jay feels threatened by Manny’s biological dad, Javier, who is played by Benjamin Bratt. Where has Benjamin Bratt been all our lives (ok, during the prior two seasons of “Modern Family.”) Remember when he was Julia Roberts’s beau? I fear I’m dating myself here. That was ten years ago. Ten! Never mind.

Javier shows up at the Pritchett house, seemingly uninvited. Instead of a golf outing with his stepdad, Manny must go to the racetrack with his dad and Jay. Javier and Jay compete over Manny’s love.

Well, ok. Not really over love. Over which horse to bet on at the track. Javier wins, a lot. Until Jay hits a big win with a horse…or does he? Nope. Jay’s winning horse is disqualified for interference, and he’s out 300 clams. Manny tucks a wad of cash into his hand for “gas money.” Bummer. But Benjamin Bratt is gone after this episode, and Jay will remain.

What did you think of the episode this week? Talk back in the comments section.

And if you missed the prior episode of “Modern Family” — trust us, it was terrific —catch up with the Speakeasy recap. Our favorite families do Christmas early, and chaos ensues in the form of stun guns, stolen toys and squashed angels.