Thursday, February 28, 2008

When I wrote this for you back in December, I said I assumed you would have no funeral, no loved ones to care and no closure to mark your passing.

How wrong I was.

On Tuesday I went to the funeral I never thought you would have.

Your mum was there, and your twin sisters as well as some old family friends and some new friends from recent years.

It’s clear that you were indeed loved.

So the inevitable question - why did you take the path that you did?

No one can answer that.

It’s perhaps hardest of all for the people who loved you as a child to come to terms with – that you made a choice to live the way you did.

You were a free spirit, Mark, and you defied the stereotypes.

You’ve taught me a lot since you left this life behind, Mark.

You taught me never to make assumptions ...

And that there are no easy answers.

We see someone who seems to be on a self-destructive trajectory and we want to know why, we need reasons, justification, meaning ...

If we believe it’s because they suffered unbearable pain and abuse, it somehow comforts us.

Ah, we say, so that’s why it happened.

And then we secretly reassure ourselves it could never happen in our own families.

The truth is far more subtle.

Like I say – no easy answers.

Maybe we’re just not asking the right questions.

Thank you for enabling me to meet your family, Mark.

I think I know why you never told me about your lovely sisters – you were protecting them.

We plan to meet again soon, when we’ll visit your bash on LondonBridge.

Our lives will continue, but forever affected by what happened in yours.

I couldn’t hear what was said at the funeral, but your family were kind enough to give me a copy of the moving speeches made, referring to the ‘happy, lively boy, full of energy and enthusiasm’ they had known as a child.

Monday, February 25, 2008

You wanted visuals, so that's what you'll get.(Unfortunately it was all I had too, since I was/am deaf as a whole row of posts.)

We started off with lunch here - which, you'll be delighted to know, included gin and chocolate cake.Drumroll: l-r John Ahearn/Wordcarver/(US), Kate B/Minx/(Cornwall), Barbara Smith/Cailleach/(Ireland), Bill Liversidge/Pundy (Scotland), Karen S/Riverwillow (Kent), Emma M/Meloney Lemon (down the road).Oh and that's me perched at the back there - I'm the one who lacks the imagination to come up with an interesting bloggy name.

Friday, February 22, 2008

I'm building up to a top notch, platinum standard, highest quality, pure class weekend.

First and foremost, First Born is due back from his 8 day trip to France tomorrow.

Please, please, please Mr France Coach Driver, take care.Watch out for slippery roads, precipitous edges, rockfalls, fog, blizzards, exhaustion, other drivers ...Please, please, please Mr Ferryman, take care.Watch out for unexpected currents, mechanical failures, stray ships, ice bergs ...(Ice bergs? In the Channel? Come, come now. That's taking the anxious parenting too far.)Please, please, please Mr UK Coach Driver, take care.Just because you're nearly home, this is no time for a lapse in attention. It's been a long journey.Take a break if you need to.You carry a cargo more precious than gold, rubies, diamonds and every coin in every currency across the globe.

The rest of the day will be spent on a family love-in of monumental proportions.

Meanwhile, back in the Real World, bloggers will be flocking from all points of the compass for Pipe & Slippers (and some of them will be crashing on various bits of our furniture).On Sunday, they'll be descending on our tiny loved-up abode for lunch.I haven't told them yet that they're going to need to sit on each other's shoulders.Or that the reason I'll be serving finger food is that we don't have enough forks.

Oh and I must warn them about the toilet seat.It's ... um ... not actually attached to the toilet, which can make for a less-than-relaxing lavatorial experience (unless they find rollercoasters soothing ...)

Then on Monday, it will be back-to-normal day.And I'll probably be wondering if I dreamed it all ...

Last month The Times published statistics from Nielsen Bookscan, which tracks book sales nationwide, showing that, of 200,000 books on sale last year, 190,000 titles sold fewer than 3,500 copies. More devastating still, of 85,933 new books, as many as 58,325 sold an average of just 18 copies. And things aren't much better over the pond: I read recently that, of the 1.2million titles sold in the United States in 2004, only 2 per cent sold more than 5,000 copies.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

This year my partner, Greg will be running his 8th marathon.He's just turned 50 and, for those who don't know, is a maniacal runner who just happens to have insulin dependent diabetes.Following a recent ghastly chest infection, he's also been diagnosed with exercise-related asthma.Yeah. Like he needed that.

In spite of all this, he's still desperate to break the 3 hour mark.(You can read about last year's dramatic attempt here.And Greg's running story is here.)

Now for the important part: He's running this year for SOS Africa and the charity guarantees that every penny raised will go directly towards paying for the care and education of the children who need it most.

I will of course be keeping you up-to-date with Greg's training and progress.Meanwhile, you can donate directly to the charity by clicking on the widget ...(which in the interests of accuracy should say sponsor him, not me. I just do the admin and carry the bags.)

'We're putting together a book for WARCHILD written by bloggers and here's where you come in:

We would like you to submit (to us at bloggersforcharity@yahoo.co.uk) a written piece about something you've been through from any aspect of your life that you want to share. It can literally be about anything: your relationships, your past, a road not taken, being a parent, an illness or your regrets etc. We've called it "You're Not The Only One" to reflect the camaraderie of blogging.

Proceeds will go to WARCHILD. The book will be published through www.lulu.com. This is a no upfront fee internet publishing site who charge £4.70 per book. We're pricing the book at £9 so £4.30 will go to straight to the charity.'

I've never before amended a post once it's published.It's unlikely many (if any) people would notice the changes, so altering the content later feels dishonest to me.The comments made would have reflected the original, which would stay in people's minds.

In this case, I'm sure the post really would have lingered in people's minds, as it was a very sad tribute in memory of a tragic life.

I published a later post, but have continued to feel uncomfortable with certain elements of the original that I was concerned may have caused further suffering to those who were already struggling.

So I've amended it with an explanation.I dedicate this to all those who are homeless and struggling with addiction as well as to their families.

Friday, February 15, 2008

First Born may be nearly 2" taller than me and weigh nearly 2 stone more, but he's still my baby.And later today he's going away with his school.For 8 days.

It's like someone's sucked out my soul.I'm mooning around with a constant feeling that I've forgotten something vital.A savage cold has kicked in, which I can blame for the streaming eyes and nose, but we know better, don't we, my bloggy friends?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Following the announcement that the Department for Culture, Media and Sport plans to reduce Public Lending Right (PLR) funding, a 10 Downing Street e-petition has been set up to protest at the cuts.

Public Lending Right is the right for authors, illustrators, photographers, translators and editors to receive payment under PLR legislation for the loans of their books by public libraries. More than 23,000 people are entitled to receive payment under this scheme, and for many the annual PLR payment is an important part of their income. PLR is particularly valuable to those people who receive little or no royalty on book sales — their books are more often borrowed from libraries than bought in shops.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A friend just told me about someone he knows who was offered - not one, but TWO - music deals at £100,000 each.That's a lot of £££ by anyone's standards.

The problem was that the company faffed and farted and the end result was that no record was ever produced.

So - translating this to the publishing world, my question is this:Given the luxury of a choice between a large advance but no book actually produced in the end... or a far smaller advance but a Real Book ...Which would you choose?

Obviously the answer would depend on your finances at the starting point.If you're struggling to put food on the table, you may well feel unable to turn down the money.But even if that was the case, where would your ideal preference lie?

If you're honest, your answer will speaks volumes (!) about how you feel about your writing.

I've been contacted by the lovely people at Artswom.(You may remember them from when I made Hay last year.)

They started off by earning their place in my affections for ever by being very complimentary about FB & Co's film.(Praise from an arts organisation of their standing is praise indeed.)

They've also asked me to pass on some booky bits that I'm sure will be of interest.Click here for a post about Sky Arts' Book Show, where guests are asked to choose one book they wish they had written themselves. Each book is being put in a prize pot for one lucky viewer to win at the end of the series in April.

Artswom have also come up with their own initiative.They're inviting bloggers to share their recommendations for the last book to read before the end of the world.

Admittedly, this is something of a morbid topic, but when the end comes and this fragile orb finally cracks, it may be too late to panic buy, too inappropriate to copulate, and just too ironic to pray – so what else is there to do other than settle down and read a quality novel.