Pages

20 August 2012

Today I had bloodwork and a scan. My estrogen was at 617 and I had two decent size follies--one on the left (@20) and one on the right (@18). My lining measured 14 (last November it was 6). So tonight I'll trigger with the Novarel (1cc) and get busy with the husband. Wednesday morning he'll get frisky with a plastic cup. And then about 90 minutes later I'll go in for the IUI. Thursday night I'll start the prometium. Friday and Monday I'll booster with 1/2 cc each time of the Novarel. Then Wednesday I'll have the bloodwork for progesterone levels. And then the day we'll all be waiting for . . . pregnancy test on September 6th.

16 August 2012

For whatever reason I was feeling pretty defeated this morning. Something about the bloodwork and scan. Then I had to go stop in at work before driving about an hour north to meet someone for an item exchange. While I was waiting for the other person I got to listen to a truck full of piggies scream. It was fairly unpleasant. I wanted to tell them, "It's not my fault. I don't eat you." But they wouldn't have really cared. They just wanted OUT of that truck.
On my way back to work I stopped by my sister's to pick up some peaches. They're sitting on my desk right now and I can smell their deliciousness. I'll probably have one before the day's over.
So anyway. Today's big news: the doc's office called with my bloodwork. My estrogen level is at 127 and my biggest follie is an 11. Apparently the last time we did this my first estrogen level was a 90. So I guess that's promising. I forget what she said about my first follie reading though. So the updated plan is 2 vials daily until Sunday night and then more bloodwork and a scan on Monday morning.

14 August 2012

I've been using 1 vial of Bravelle a night since Day 3. Tonight and tomorrow night they want me to up that to two vials. Currently I'm suffering from yuck stomach (medical term) from the time I wake up until sometime in the early afternoon. Hopefully those friggin follies are growing, because I won't be too happy if I'm going through this crap and not seeing any results.

10 August 2012

So something interesting happened yesterday afternoon. My insurance company called. The guy I was in the accident with in June has a lawyer. And they say he has some medical bills. And it turns out they're seeking more than my liability coverage. Well, hot dog. Insurance man says to sit tight for now to see if the guy will accept my liability amount. But court may be in my future. I'm not sure where they think this money would come from. We literally have nothing. We owe more on our house than it's worth and to be quite honest if Josh's parents didn't help a couple times a month with some shopping trips and random gift cards, we wouldn't be able to afford any level of fertility treatment. We don't live big fancy lives. And I've been fine with that. But now I'm scared that someone might be able to take away what little we do have.
I picked up my meds today from the pharmacy. I told the woman the discount on Bravelle is about the only good thing that's happened all week. And then I started crying.
And don't get me started about work . . .

09 August 2012

Hello, cramps. I've really enjoyed your presence these past couple days. Yesterday was a super light flow, so the doc's office said to count today as Day One.

Bravelle starts Day Three (Saturday). I will do 1 vial Saturday through Monday. Then 2 vials Tuesday and
Wednesday. Thursday morning I will do bloodwork and an ultrasound. Then Thursday afternoon I'll get my next set of instructions.

Deep cleansing breaths . . .

********************
So I almost fell over DEAD when the pharmacy said the cost of the Bravelle + Novarel was going to be almost $700. Visions of Josh turning to life a stripping and/or prostitution . . . But then the wonderful woman on the phone put me on hold and checked to see if I qualified for some program. And by golly I did. So now my out of pocket Bravelle cost is $100 and the Novarel is $16.98. Bless the people at Avella Specialty Pharmacy. Last time we did this my out of pocket was $300-something. So this doubling thing . . . no good. But now I want to hug everyone at Avella and give them brownies. Is that normal? At least I'm not crying, because that's another way this could have gone. Tears of happiness that such an amazing discount program exists.

*******************

We took my officemate to lunch today. This was what my fortune cookie revealed: You cannot put the same shoe on every foot. Try amending your plan.

07 August 2012

Friday night I got an email from my bank saying there was suspicious activity on my account. I logged into my account and sure enough. Someone had charged a little over $200 in 3 separate transactions in Louisiana--one at Office Depot and two at Kroger. So Friday night the bank put a stop to my debit card. Saturday I went to a branch office and the woman took the info so she could order a new card (and transfer my points!). However, I couldn't dispute the transactions, because they were still pending. This morning they posted, so I took and early lunch and went to another branch office to initiate the disputing of the transactions. I feel fairly confident this will resolve in my favor.

06 August 2012

So I did the old pregnancy test yesterday morning and it was . . . negative. So Saturday night was my last dose of progesterone and now I'm just waiting for my period to start. Yesterday I started crying while watching an old episode of Vampire Diaries. This morning I started crying uncontrollably while reading about the Sikh temple shooting in Wisconsin. Thanks, hormones.
But yeah, I'm super sad. Despite my atheism and belief that nothing happens due to divine purpose, I can't get it out of my head that a pregnancy will happen at some sort of divinely inspired time (hello . . . 5th anniversary?!) if I "suffer" through all this. Jump through a set number of hoops and get a baby. Hooray. But that doesn't seem to be the case. A coworker will be birthing soon and she's complaining about discomfort. Do you know what I would give to be obscenely pregnant and about to have a baby? So far 4 years of my life and thousands of dollars. Injections. Me. The person who had to have her MOTHER hold her hand while getting pre-college vaccinations.
In the grand scheme of the world my inability to get pregnant is insignificant. I get that. It doesn't make me any less heartbroken, but I get it. I have a job with benefits, a husband I love (and who loves me), a house, family, pets, 2 cars . . . And I don't feel like I need a baby to feel complete. I know I'll be fine if I have to live the rest of my life without children. But I don't want that life. I want the life with children. Nothing compares to the feeling of a young child falling asleep on my lap. I love that. I want that.
In somewhat happier news I'm wearing size 8 pants today. Sure, they're GAP pants, and their sizes don't necessarily reflect other brands' sizes. But single digit pants! If I can't be pregnant may I at least be thinner. I'm 30 lbs lighter than I was in January. And a smidge over 20 lbs lighter than I was at the end of April. Hopefully the weight loss will help the Bravelle make SUPER follicles.

﻿﻿ We were a couple for 7 years before we got married, so a part of me will always feel our wedding anniversary tells an incomplete story. Our wedding anniversary shows the time in our lives that I got a decent job with great benefits that we could share. And the time when we thought we should get to this baby making thing. We didn't start trying for a baby right away. We gave ourselves a year of marriage and then got to it. So if things had worked out we would have a preschooler right now. Talk about a different life.

Since Monday I've experienced off and on cramps of varying intensity. Dr. Google says this can happen when taking progesterone or with implantation or just everything else. But my piss poor attitude tells me that I'm having cramps, because I'm not pregnant and my body wants to bleed. But I'm going to keep on going with the progesterone until Sunday night and test Monday morning and then get ready to pick up my implements of torture (needles and so forth) so I can go through all that again.

About Me

Born, raised, and still living in the Midwest and in my opinion that makes me better than all you "Midwest Girls" living in Brooklyn or wherever it is you go. I recently won a pimento cheese cookbook in a giveaway and am now dedicating myself to trying as many of the recipes as I can.