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Saturday, April 30, 2011

So today was a big day for me in the series of days of little things. Today I threw something away that was literally rotting in my room. But before I elaborate on my trip to the garbage can, I think I should give a little background.So for my birthday this past year, during the Age of the Ex-boyfriend, I was in a long-distance relationship. For my birthday, I received a dozen colored roses with a big red bow and a cute little note. Now me, being a romantic disguised as a realist, thought this was the gosh-darn cutest thing ever. However, as the roses died, so did the relationship, with oddly close timing I might add. And there they sat, on the bookshelf, bearing a symbol of the dead, festering relationship that I couldn't decide whether to get rid of or stare at. Now, of course, there was some laziness that contributed to their long stay on the bookshelf, but mostly I think I didn't want to throw away my gosh-darn cute memory. Sometimes I worried that I'd come home from work, and my sister, who saves everything, would throw them away. But she didn't...and I didn't.

So today, while cleaning up, my sister gently said, "Kelsie, I think it's time to throw away the roses." I thought briefly about it and realized that it was just like the children's poem, "The time has come, the Walrus said" (And yes, Kayla would be playing the Walrus in this production). So I picked them up, walked carefully up the stairs, so they didn't disintegrate and spread rotten plant everywhere. I went outside, more worried about getting the little glass shards from the driveway in my bare feet, than how I felt about the roses, and I threw them away. I skipped back inside, again to avoid the glass shards, and gave a little sigh of relief.

And that was that. Well, minus scrubbing the grime off the bottom of the vase.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Between work, home, and rain, I find myself in an almost constant state of frustration. As much as I'd like to always blame this on PMS, the ultimate scapegoat of female crankiness, my IPhone app says I still have awhile before that really counts. And yes, there is an app for that. As much as I'd like to say exactly what's frustrating me right now, I can't, because I can't seem to quite pinpoint where this urge to snarl at people is based. But instead I'll just talk about it in general.

Frustration really is a game, of sorts. It gets passed around from one person to another like hot potato. Except it's probably more like the original version of that game, where it left everyone's hands scorched and the loser dropped his dinner in the dirt. It's a dangerous game to say the least, hot potato that is. Now, here I will define frustration by dictionary standards. Mostly because I don't like wasting energy thinking of words that I can copy and paste. So dictionary.com says it's: a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety or depression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems. Wow, now if that doesn't just sum it up right there. Unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems. Thank you, Dictionary.com.

Now for me, I'm probably experiencing a combination of both. With reference to my very first post, I'm frustrated with my current situation. I don't worry much about my needs being fulfilled eventually, because I'm a firm believer that God provides in His own perfect time. But I get frazzled by that unresolved problems part. I'm that kid that you gave a puzzle and they had to finish it right then. No eating, no sleeping, just solving. Same with books. I had to read the whole thing as fast as possible because I just had to know the ending.

So, being back in my small hometown, living in my parents basement, I'm just dying to know what's the next step in life. One irritating thing that I often hear is, "Well, when God closes a door, He opens another." Well I have a thought about that. Sometimes I think He just leaves you in the hallway for a timeout to think about what you did. Or maybe it's more like the Matrix, where the key maker finally gets Neo into the hall where he can find the Designer. Except he's locked in there with just seconds to spare and he's got to guess which one of a hallway full of doors and if he's wrong the world will explode! Or something like that...I'd have to watch the movie again...but you get the point. What it all boils down to is I've found myself at a standstill in life...and its frustrating.

Friday, April 1, 2011

It's been a couple days since I've blogged. I haven't quite gotten into the routine of talking to myself in the form an imaginary reader audience. I seem to get most of my inspiration in the shower, so for those of you deductive reasoners out there in my imaginary reader audience, you may gather that I've either had an uninspiring week or I haven't showered. I did have a couple interesting thoughts come to me throughout my shower-less week, oh I mean uninspiring. Not really enough to tell a story about any, but enough to jot down and blurt out commentary.

THOUGHT: A lady at work said today that its her dream to be a chef and if she could go to culinary school she'd wake up happy everyday.

BLURT: Go to culinary school! What are you waiting for? Your kids are grown and married, and your husband has a job. What do you have to lose? Life is short people, take a chance once in awhile.

THOUGHT: We're trying to eat more organic at home and cut out preservatives and chemicals and all the things that people kinda know are in their foods, but try not to think about to much. Me and my sisters are pretty much sugar junkies though so it's not easy. So tonight, I experimented by making organic black bean brownies.

BLURT: They taste like beans with chocolate chips.

THOUGHT: I've been reading through fashion magazines, and the trend this season seems to be wearing something neutral and boring with something bright and weird.

BLURT: Good thing I already do that. I finally get to be in style for once.

THOUGHT: Today my grandpa gave me some good advice on relationships. Don't give yourself away before you get married, he said. Actually the exact words were, "If you're gonna have sex, at least get paid."

BLURT: You go Grandpa!

THOUGHT: It's been really slow at work lately. I'm a full-time employee so I have to stay all day no matter what, but it really makes the time drag by.

BLURT: Clicking things open and closed on the computer makes you look busy.

THOUGHT: Coconut oil is amazing stuff. It's healthy to eat and great for your skin and hair. Nature's little miracle.

BLURT: When you're using it to cook, you probably shouldn't rub it all over your skin and hair. These things should be done all at different times.

Well that's all I've got for now. I imagine I'll have something more cohesive tomorrow while I'm experiencing my shopping withdrawals.