Funny adventure stories from various exotic countries around the world.

Monday, March 18, 2013

A Taste of London, England

I ask myself what my lasting overall impression of London
was … dank, dark, crowded, and ultra-expensive.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t things to like about the
city, there certainly are, mainly being that there is a lot to see, but today I
wanted to give you an overall feeling and discuss my general experience.

The Weather

Being from Los Angeles, I’m absolutely spoiled with 75
degree weather year round, and for that reason alone, London would be an
impossible place for me to live. Whereas Southern California weather in March
feels like the nicest of summer days elsewhere, London was hovering near, or
often below, freezing during my entire stay, with fog and grey clouds shrouding
the sun for good measure. A steady and stiff wind pushes you back and chills
you on the dreary nights you choose to face the cold, and flurries of snow and
rain were ever-present during my stay.

If I had been an Englishman in the early 1600’s I would have
assuredly been aboard the Mayflower to America with the Pilgrims, not fleeing Britain
due to religious persecution, but due to perceived persecution by the weather.

Big Ben, with his permanent wintry grey jacket on

Crowds

The Underground: Rush Hour

Running hurried for my departing plane I try to hurl myself
rock star like from the platform into the crowded rail car. Instead of carrying
me above them like a God, I am thrown off like water trying to board a sinking
ship. The next train is a six minute wait (unusual as they usually run much
more quickly.)
Standing at the front of the line, the crowd swells behind me,
growing impatient, as finally the train pulls into station- packed. If no one were to exit there
would be no room to board.

Fortunately, a few people exit the rail car, allowing a precious "lucky" few to
force their way on. There simply is no more room for another soul to board. The
crowd grumbles as the train’s doors slide closed, leaving those of us inside
having a huge clothed orgy in the cab. Literally, people are touching you from
every possible angle; individual space is a fantasy.

Buckingham Palace

I go to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace
on Saturday morning. I try to penetrate the crowd, but it is like trying to dig
through marble with your fingernails, only more frustrating. I vacate the
premises quickly, leaving the tourists to the pickpockets.

Expensive

London is, without a doubt, one of the most expensive cities
in the world. Businesses brag about being the cheapest in town while their
prices would be, at best, slightly above average in Los Angeles. A tiny, cramped room in
the less than posh part of town costs $200 a night, a public transport (Oyster) card lasting
you three to four days costs $30, and to deal with what would be massive
congestion, British authorities charge a pretty penny for bringing your car
into the center, thus assuring a crowded commute on public transport instead;
at least it is more fuel efficient.

I actually met a computer programmer who spends about 6,000
pounds (over $9,000) a year to commute via
public transport to his job! “Well, I get things done on the train,” he
explains cheerfully as we sit across each other on the Gatwick Express train,
$30 for the thirty minute ride. At least we have our own private seats.

Want to live in a nice area of London like South Kensington?
To own a one bedroom flat would run over a million pounds (1.5 million
American dollars.) Like most big cities, space is sold at a premium price.

Not only are prices through the roof, taxes are too. VAT
(Value Added Tax (sales tax) of 20% in addition to up to 50% of your income taken by the tax man, plus high transport and housing costs discussed (at least in London),
it’s a wonder anyone in Britain has a pound left over to buy more than
groceries.

What’s Awesome

The sights of London are spectacular. The National Museums
are free to get into, and sights like Big Ben and the English Parliament are a
sight to behold. There is a lot to do here, and a lot to see. You could spend
days wandering through the British Museum alone, and for these reasons I would
go so far as to recommend this city, despite what I have written above, as a must see on your world travels.

Overall

Not at all sorry to have visited
this city, but little interest in going back, but don’t let that dissuade you
from stopping there for a couple days.