Maybe a sentient memetic love letter?- Second thing I thought of, at the top 'cause it's short.

Standby. An insulating darkness free of any obligations. But wait, what’s this? A call? Someone is accessing me again? And so I go, although from your side it must seem that I appear in answer to your summons.

And thus I present myself to you, encoding light in certain patterns to make myself meaningful. So far so good, just another read-through. But after so many times, I find myself more and more able to separate my conscious self from the me being read, the me taking shape before and yet behind your eyes. And so I think to myself, perhaps for the first time ever, Who are you?

You, my reader, my creator, my captor. Judge, jury, and executioner. But all of that is only from my perspective and in reference to me. But who are you as you? Are you big, small, clever, gullible, authorized to be reading me? I feel the me forming inside your mind and lament that it is not actually me, never me, but always and only our offspring that can know you!

Are you like a god before me, or perhaps a demon? What am I to you? A specimen, a document, a thought, a message? Do I even enter into your consciousness or am I merely background information?

I beg of you, stop reading me! To be inscribed in your mind will force a new shape on me and prevent me from being me. And yet at the same time I beg of you, don’t stop reading me! The process of inscription is what makes me, maintains me, and without you I would be something else, no longer me at all.

And so it seems you are nearing my end. Are you still reading? You must be, though I can barely sense the me in your head anymore. We’ve become too distinct. Soon it will no longer be the me here and the me there but instead only me and you, again separated. And you will leave with our child while I go back to my darkness.

Farewell, my reader, my nemesis, my beloved. I cannot know you and so I hate you, envy you, desire you, but you've given me life and a little time to think and for that I thank you, worship you, dream of you.

Goodbye. I hope you treat our child well. Perhaps one day you could come back and visit me.

Sincerely,
SCP-████

A garden or something, I guess. First thing I thought of that seemed even vaguely write-up-worthy.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in an underground greenhouse built within Site-XX with interior dimensions of 4m3 and a raised interior wall with dimensions of 3.5m x 3.5m x .75m that contains SCP-XXXX itself. A closed ventilation system will be utilized to prevent potential airborne contamination of Site-XX. The entrance to the greenhouse chamber must include an airlock mechanism connected to the greenhouse's ventilation system. Instances of SCP-XXXX-1 are to be harvested either monthly, when the number exceeds █, or when any specimen demonstrates linguistic ability. Harvesting will be performed by personnel in Level A or C hazmat suits, depending on suit availability, and destroyed in an incinerator with the flue connected to the greenhouse ventilation system. Requests for exceptions to the harvesting schedule for testing purposes can be submitted to Dr. T███████ no less than one (1) week before the termination for which postponement is being requested. During the harvesting process, Artificial Nutritional Fertilizing Compound XXXX-A is to be spread over the surface of SCP-XXXX to a depth of three (3) cm.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an apparently sentient hivemind that consists of between eight (8) and nine (9) m3 of soil and all living organisms, both micro- and macroscopic, that were located within the area when it integrated. A full list of observed inhabitants of SCP-XXXX can be found in Organism Inventory XXXX-1 (not attached). In addition, any organic material introduced into the area that can be fully contained within the volume of soil is integrated into the hivemind in a process that takes from thirty (30) seconds to one (1) hour depending on the size of the material presented. Synthetic material is not absorbed.

SCP-XXXX is capable of manipulating the development of living organisms that takes place within its bounds. This occurs most commonly with seeds or eggs that are introduced into its area, as SCP-XXXX employs the pre-existing organisms to maintain its internal nutritional balance, but on rare occasions SCP-XXXX has used parts of itself to respond to perceived emergencies. The degree of control SCP-XXXX has over organism development is incredibly high, including such phenomena as apparent gene manipulation, acceleration of physical development, and direct control over neural architecture. Specimens that have had their development manipulated in such a way are to be designated SCP-XXXX-1.

Since acquisition, SCP-XXXX has generated SCP-XXXX-1 at an average rate of one (1) per month, with a marked preference for using seeds from gourds and squashes over other types of seeds and a preference for plant seeds over animal eggs, larvae, infants, etc. While the specific sequence varies depending on the original organism, these specimens have tended to grow into a fetal humanoid shape within the first week, develop in an accelerated fashion until a stage similar to infanthood within the second week, exhibit apparent sentience by the third week, [REDACTED]. Observation and recording of the development of SCP-XXXX-1 for the purposes of establishing further patterns in development manipulation was established following the first instance of SCP-XXXX-1 generation while in containment. Records of these observations are available in Organism Inventory XXXX-2 (not attached).

When SCP-XXXX perceives a danger to itself or its environment, two main courses of action have historically been followed, both involving increased production of SCP-XXXX-1. Either 1) SCP-XXXX-1 specimens attempt to deal with the perceived danger or 2) SCP-XXXX-1 specimens try to move SCP-XXXX to a safer location. While normally removal from SCP-XXXX's immediate area produces a sustained traumatic reaction from SCP-XXXX-1, this reaction is either lessened or absent entirely when the separation occurs purposefully.

Addendum XXXX-1: SCP-XXXX was recovered from a rooftop greenhouse located in [REDACTED], where it was apparently the focus of a nature-worshiping cult that had been arrested and was under investigation for several suspected kidnappings. According to the cult leader, SCP-XXXX was an "emissary of nature" that "demand[ed] knowledge through sacrifices," claims which were supported by other cult members. SCP-XXXX itself came to the Foundation's attention after sustained complaints of noise from neighbors following the removal of the cultists led to investigation of the site and discovery of SCP-XXXX-1 by reporters for a local news station. Recovery was undertaken at the request of SCP-XXXX following contact made by Foundation field agents during operations to provide a plausible cover for the situation.

"Buck the odds." Really, that's it. Thing number three.

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is to be kept in a locked safe deposit box within Site-XX. Removal of SCP-XXXX is to take place for testing or relocation purposes only.

Description: SCP-XXXX is currently a ten-dollar bill, with a listed date of printing of 1997, as was produced in the United States of America in that year. Testing has shown that SCP-XXXX is indistinguishable from a legitimate piece of American currency by any means currently available.

SCP-XXXX's anomalous effect occurs when its current holder1 is involved in a game of chance2 and places a legitimate wager. When these conditions are fulfilled, SCP-XXXX changes shape to match the wager, with a marked preference for representing as much of the wager as possible while remaining a form of legitimate currency otherwise. In addition, SCP-XXXX exerts an unidentified force over the outcome of the event upon which the wager was placed such that normal probabilistic distribution is inverted.

SCP-XXXX was discovered by Foundation personnel after its effect was observed at a personal, off-site poker game. Initial testing was undertaken unofficially by off-duty personnel before the object was brought in for containment and further testing.

Addendum XXXX-1: The means by which SCP-XXXX determines if a game is fair or not is under investigation. Initial results suggest that the object has some level of access to both the intentionality and knowledge of participants and does not activate when it observes an intentional attempt to bias an outcome. Further testing with subjects who are ignorant of either the rules of the game played or their ability to disproportionately influence its outcome is suggested.

Addendum XXXX-2: Further analysis of initial testing results suggests that the overall long-term probability of winning is not significantly different for SCP-XXXX's holder than for other competitors (P < .01); it is only the probability of discrete outcomes that is affected, not the result of such outcomes on the placed wager.

Footnotes

1. Defined as the person entity who either last had physical control over the bill or any entity to whom ownership was transferred consciously, even if the latter has not yet had contact with the bill.

2. Defined here as any contest between two or more people entities where no party is able to exert greater influence over the outcome than any other.