Women are already the victims of countless diet books and weight-loss scams, it seems only fitting that men start to bear more of the body image weight. Of course, guys have never been immune from society’s physical fixation: a recent national survey found that 44% of men were dissatisfied with their weight, though, unlike the ladies, the gents usually wanted to bulk up rather than downsize.

Maybe Cenegenics is their solution. The “proven age management system” operates out of Manhattan, though they have other locations and long-distance consultations for faraway fellas. At the Cenegenics clinic, clients have their own personal team – physician, nutritionist and exercise physiologist – and are subjected to a “whole body” evaluation and health plan.

A health plan that will probably involve a lot of steroids. Cenegenics openly prescribes human growth hormone, which boost biceps and, inconveniently enough, also trigger the growth of cancer cells. According to Dr. Shlomo Melmed, president of the International Society of Endocrinologists, prescribing human growth hormone to adults for any condition but AIDS-related wasting or rare pituitary disorders is “illegal, and inappropriate medically.”

For a less dangerous path to his physical peak, a man can now be a Skinny Bastard alongside his Skinny Bitch girlfriend. Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin, the authors of the series of sassy vegan nutrition tomes for women, are now appealing to the other gender. The book, which kindly informs guys that “a hot-bodied man is a head-turner,” may be capitalizing on men’s insecurities – but at least it isn’t killing them.