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Every now and then, a charm city chick might find herself crouched on the floor behind her bed, waiting for the police to arrive. It’s in that moment she realizes the only person she really has is herself, so she better get her dull knife ready in case she has to stab a bitch.

She focuses on her breath as she hears the intruder’s footsteps get louder. For some reason she is steady and unafraid. She smiles and wonders if maybe Baltimore should be considered a training course for the zombie apocalypse (our silly heroine has a habit of making jokes to herself during serious moments).

When the police turn up, she discovers it was just the neighbor’s junkie son trying to break into the wrong house. No big deal, he’s cool most of the time.

Or is it a big deal?

This was her fifth call to the police in four years. Most people don’t call the police that much, but she often finds herself observing or being a part of very odd situations involving very odd people–usually in the John Waters sense. Despite all the laughs she gets from these characters, she doesn’t always enjoy living in Baltimore, especially when she’s in danger or things get out of hand.

Why does she stay? Well, it’s interesting how family ties might keep a heroine in a place she doesn’t want to live.

Little does she know (okay, she knows) that soon she will be invited by the story’s hero to try somewhere and something completely new. He has a few things to take care of first (you know, hero stuff). When he finally asks her to come with him, it is advised that he arrive on a magic carpet and be prepared for a duet.

Just saying.

Will she then accept his offer? I wouldn’t know. Until we find out, someone should probably buy that girl a better knife…and a large suitcase.

Eek! Not my idea of fun! The worst I’ve had is our car burgled overnight and our drunk neighbour bang on our door because he was at the wrong house and couldn’t get in! Glad you were ok and didn’t need a weapon in the end. Stay safe🙂

Yikes, do I know this chick? Is she prone to bursting into song and dance routines? If so, she might want to consider an alarm system and/or self-defense classes.

I remember this one apartment I lived in right after graduating from college. I used to see red and blue lights there every night. It took me a while to realize what those red and blue lights were… Also, the elevator always smelled like pee. Thank God for deadbolts.

We are be similar creatures Miss Lala! Mostly I get people using my backyard as a place to hide from the cops or try to stash the purses they steal from old ladies.
I’m hoping for a Prince Phillip type to whisk me away too (I like his red cape and his ability to dance with strangers in forests) but all I ever find at gross Gaston’s and thieves in my backyard🙂