Why we are amazing...

A celebration of the triumph of intuition, placebo, kind words and unfounded hope over the leaden dogmatism of the scientific method, the shackles of statistical analysis and the tyranny of the dogged need for real evidence. Armed with only an energized crystal, a vial of ultra-hydrated water and a paper bag half-full of indeterminate dried plant material, surely we can win the holy war against pestilence, death and vague feelings of a slight dissatisfaction with our empty lives. Peace.

Friday, 11 June 2010

A letter to the Reiki master

Sorry I have not had the chance to write to you for the first time until now, but I was involved in an accident at work and my time has been taken up in trying to understand the court settlement.

Anyway, I have recently come into a little money and am looking to invest it in some Reiki and you came very highly recommended (second hit on Google - Congratulations!). I have always felt I have a gift for healing and have noticed that people are very rarely ill when I am around. My ultimate dream is to become a fully paid up professional Reikist, just like you! I just have a few questions about the courses you run, and hopefully you can get a sense for the course that is best for me.

I see you offer to teach all levels of Reiki. I do have a BSc(hons), so is it possible for me to move straight on to the Masters Degree? I have plenty of transferable skills and came third in my class for my second year poster presentation.

Is it a problem that I recently lost a hand in a freak industrial accident? I was trying to fix the aeration pump in tank 77 at the fish farm, but my hand became caught in the pump blades. Luckily, I was used to the sight of large amounts of blood in the water from all the Salmon clubbing I had to do, or I would have been really distressed! On the plus side, my other hand is absolutely fine, in fact, if it were an eye it would have 20-20 vision (I do wear glasses, however). Should I be concerned about the 'high pressure hose pipe effect' of the healing energy as it leaves my stump? Do I need to invest in a diffuser attachment? Could you provide this through your Reiki suppliers, or could I fashion my own with material from a garden centre and some duct tape?

Strangely, my accident has led me to much more compassionate feelings towards fish and all other creatures of the deep. I think I would have left my job anyway, even without the lawsuit. Have you ever tried to heal fish with Reiki? I once heard of a man who rendered a Portuguese man-o-war safe for children to handle using energised crystals and ear candles. It is now being kept as a family pet. I would love to be able to give something back to the fish community in recompense for the thousands I butchered and sent off to be minced into pies. Could I incorporate an aquatic element into my studies? Have you any experience in SCUBA Reiki?

When I gain my Reiki Masters degree, do you have any advice for setting up my own practice? I could even use my monodextrous status as a unique selling point!

I look forward to your response and to giving you my compensation payment in exchange for unlocking the secrets of your long lineage of Reikists.