Sunday, January 30, 2011

I am pro-pregnancy and pro-reproduction, but there are few things I dislike more than bare belly pregnancy shots, especially at like 6-12 weeks when it's an excuse to flash your nasty snicket midriff. BLECH! Okay, okay, we get it, we get it. You're slender and buff and vain. What do you want, a trophy?

I am pro-gratitude but sometimes, thank you notes can add distance and in certain situations they are weirder than they are nice. Agree or disagree? Example: I don't have a sister, but if I did, I wouldn't send her thank you notes for basic things, because that would be treating her like my great-aunt instead of my sister. Once in a while, for something special? YES! But when you're good, good friends and/or closely related, most of the time you're kind of past thank you notes. Certainly, there are occasions that call for a thank you note here and there, but in general, if we are close, I just assume we are grateful to/for one another, period. Ubiquitous thank you notes add a layer of awkward formality, and it also makes me think about all the times they probably think they should have received a thank-you note from me and didn't. COME ON. If you are reasonably close to someone, they love what you got them and can just TELL you they appreciate it, note = redundant, mmmkay? (I am pro-thank-you notes in most situations, but regular ones involving dear, dear friends or relatives are always startling.)

There are some notable exceptions but generally speaking, owning an ipad makes you 35 times more likely to be intolerable.

Things that make me sound nicer than I am:

Remember how I just learned to sew? I made our sister missionaries rice bags! I couldn't help it!

I love my new-ish job and feel a startling and somewhat absurd amount of pride when things "click" for students and it melts my ice-cold heart.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

...last year I rocked my two goals. Do you remember what they were? I do!

(1) Give birth
(2) use only reusable grocery bags.

First one? Check! I have an adorable 11.5 month old kid and a supersized bum to prove it. Second one? Semi-check! Meaning, I brought and used reusable bags more than I didn't, which I consider not bad at all. Basically, high five, self!

Want to hear my latest goals? Oh, good! There are two.

(1) Don't buy anything until March 1 (besides food and toiletries). GAA! Can I do it? Well, of course I can. And I'm hardly a shopaholic. But like most people, I just buy too much stuff for no reason. You know what? I have more than I need, end of story. And the time and energy that goes into the accumulation of STUFF is starting to gross me out. Is that hippie enough for you?? Booyah! But seriously, it is sort of freeing to just stop buying stuff, because it's like I stop seeing stuff or even entertaining the idea of buying stuff. (Let's see if I feel the same way in a few more weeks.) But this means I have more time and energy which I can devote to....

drumroll....

(2) Being generally more awesome. I should probably be more specific, right? Well, I don't really know what I mean, exactly. I'm just trying to do things like make my own fun. What bums me out? Do less of that! What makes me feel great and less self-absorbed and like a cool chica? Do more of that! In sum, my 2011 task is to be more proactive about doing things that help me like my life and myself. I don't know if there is a less Steve Covey word than "proactive" but hey.

Quotable Quotes, or, tidbits from me life.

My professor, about people having their babies at home: Home delivery is for pizza.Me, about Prof: I LIKE his wavelength; I'm just not on it.Student: I don't think so.(long pause).Prof: No, you DO think so."I wish I had the opportunity to HAVE a sexual quality of life." -- student responding to survey

"I should cut up my credit cards.(long pause)Of course, then I would starve." -- Student

"Are you getting a manicure in my courtroom? What the hell are you doing?" Judge/Prof, to student clipping nails"He covered everything but his 1990 colonoscopy. Good example of a bad speech. Everyone wants to go home, so unless you're awfully funny, keep it brief." -- Prof"I'm not opposed to playing games. If you want to play solitaire, bring a deck of cards." -- Prof"If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they're young." -- Chief Justice RobertsStudent: That doesn't jive very well with the second article of faith, punishing people for their parents' transgressions.Prof: Yes, oh holy one."For expert witnesses, there are 2 requirements: must have gray hair, and must have hemorrhoids to convey the proper level of concern." -- Prof"I represented a prostitute, and some of her activities were highly aerobic." -- Prof"I lock my car. Do you know why? Because I have contraband." - - Prof"You can either finish law school and write patents at home 1 hour a day, while your little one scribbles on the walls with permanent marker, or you can strap your baby to your back and wash floors with a dirty mop in the early morning and late evening. You decide." --Friend, telling me not to quit"The children of lawyers who don't read footnotes will STARVE." -- Prof"You know what’s great about a new day? It’s a new day, full of new opportunities for rejection. I mean, WHO KNOWS who might reject me today?” -- Student, about the job hunt.

"Every time I read an opinion by Justice Breyer, I think of ice cream, and then I want some." -- Student

"I don't want a job. I want a life plan. I need direction!" -- Student."They met at a Communist party get together. Not exactly the wardhouse, but still pretty romantic." -- Prof"He thought he might be the father, because they had sort of an intimate relationship...well, not sort of." -- Prof"The federal government appreciates love. They understand it." -- Prof"You never tell your clients to lie. That's unethical. You say, 'Well, here is a potential, credible story that we hope is true.'" -- Prof"When you get caught speeding, don't say 'I'm sorry.' Say, 'IF I was speeding, I am sorry.' ADMIT NOTHING." -- Prof"It's true. You can google it on the Internet." -- Prof"Let me give you a hypothetical. Jesus goes to law school, graduates, what does He do? Criminal prosecution or defense? That's right, he's defending these monsters. He's a defense attorney. That's my gospel insight for the day." -- Prof."This is my job. I'm just trying to do my job, and you're giving me a hard time. I don't give you a hard time with your job. I just order my burger and fries." -- Prof to smart alecky student"It's just one more way he's found to shame me."--Student, about Prof

Student: I give up.Prof: Actually, only I get to decide when you give up.

"I think most people who work for the government are lazy, because I've been to the post office." -- Student

"I made the mistake of going out to lunch. I've seen the sun. I've tasted freedom." -- Student

"Imaginable in a common sense sort of way, not imaginable in a science fiction sort of way." -- Prof

Prof: Ready? You've had 19 minutes to think about this.Student: I know. I advanced a level on Warcraft.

"I know you hate me, because I made you read pages we didn't get to. I hate me too." -- Prof

"Don't go there. We have a chart on that that's gonna give you a rash." -- Prof

Prof: Passover is coming! Have you been thinking about it?Student: No, Ive been busy preparing food for it all week.Prof: Your excuse fails, because the law requires the lamb to be boiled not roasted, so it must be done quickly. Your excuse fails like the little boy who lost his CTR ring."

Student: Can you clarify consequential and incidental damages in this case? It's a little fuzzy.Prof: Let's just not.

Prof: Now, I want to go back to this student, because he's the one that said thou shalt not kill.Student: Well, God said that, I quoted it.

"An accumulation of bad choices will make you into a bad lawyer and therefore a bad person." -- Prof

My hope is that if I put private blogs here I'll remember to click on them