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I’m truly blessed to be a boy-mom and a girl-mom. We have one of each and it’s awesome to get to experience both. It’s amazing how two children, raised the same way, can be so different and have such distinct personalities.

Our son is very gentle, always helping and giving, a real people-pleaser. While he can be stubborn at times, he mostly abides and does what he’s told. Our daughter, on the other hand, is dramatic, sweet when she wants to be, and so so strong-willed. In public, she’s often very shy. She’ll turn her head and even close her eyes when someone talks to her. My son, however, will tell anyone who wants to listen everything about himself and anything else he can think of. Sophie is very dainty and particular. Her fine motor skills are pretty refined for only being a year old. She uses her little fingers carefully and walks on her tippy-toes all the time. Jackson, who’s three, is one of the loudest kids I’ve ever been around, especially when he walks. He can never just walk, he’s got to stomp (and I mean STOMP), or hop, or gallop, or waddle like a penguin. He walks…sorry, stomps around the house screaming and roaring and banging on things. He’s all about building things up and tearing them down and making as big a mess as possible in the process.

These differences have taught me so much about myself and life, though. They balance each other out and always keep life interesting. Some of these things might be “first child vs. second child” personality traits, but I think “boy vs. girl” comes into play, too. Here are 4 ways being a mom to both a boy and a girl has altered my perspective of things in life.

1. Fresh air is a game changer…so is playing in the dirt.

Now, I’m not a clean freak by any means, but I will admit that I think of my kid being covered in mud and cringe a little. If you’re like me, it takes a lot of deep breaths to let your kid be a kid sometimes! I tend to get caught up in keeping things tidy or avoiding stains, but with kids, that’s just silly! I’ve learned to let loose a bit and with two kids that are totally outdoorsy, I’ve learned the magic of fresh air and playing in the dirt. Going outside, even for 60 seconds, can turn my whole day around. I’ve never been one to love going outdoors, but now I can’t get enough of it. And to sit down and dig in the dirt with my kids? It’s actually a little therapeutic. It makes me be in the moment. I don’t worry about the mess I’m going to have to clean up, I just enjoy spending time letting my kids be kids.

2. Self-love starts with me.

While society puts pressure on the way boys are “supposed” to look, I think there’s an added pressure on girls. It wasn’t until I had a girl that I finally learned to love my body just the way it is. After having Sophie, I realized that the most she will learn about how to love and accept herself starts with me and the example I set. I actually wrote a whole post about it called Babies and Bodies. You can check it out here.

3. There’s no such thing as girl toys and boy toys.

With each kid, we’ve been pretty particular about the toys we’ve bought them. Boy: you think trucks, dinosaurs, rough and tough. Girl: you think sparkles, baby dolls, all things pink. However, once Sophie was old enough to play, I realized that isn’t the case. She loves driving cars around and thinks it’s funny to roar like a dinosaur. Jackson loves dressing up and seeing how many little toys he can fit in the old purse I initially gave to Sophie. They don’t see pink or blue, girl or boy. They see TOYS! They’re just excited to have something to play with.

4. Everyone’s parenting styles are different, even your own from kid to kid.

This may sound a little like a double standard, but what works for one kid will not work for the other. Like I said before, Jackson is the people-pleaser. He thrives off of rewards and making us happy. If he doesn’t want to eat his supper, but he knows we’ll get to do something fun when he’s finished, he’ll try a little harder to eat than complain. If he doesn’t want to go to bed yet, we talk about all the things we’ll do the day after a good night’s sleep and he’s out like a light within minutes. Sophie, on the other hand, doesn’t really care. To be honest, I’m still trying to figure out how to parent that girl. She is so strong-willed. She cares more about getting what she wants when she wants it, making her harder to reason with. It’s really thrown us for a loop, but I do know that what has worked with Jackson just doesn’t work with Sophie, and that’s ok.

These kiddos have changed my life. Sometimes being a mom is really hard, but it’s also fun and always worth it. They’ve taught me so much about life without even knowing it. It’s been awesome getting to experience the differences and similarities between being a boy mom and a girl mom. All the expectations I had before motherhood flew out with window, especially after baby #2. But that’s what makes it one great big adventure.

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Kelsey is a mama to 2 tiny humans, wife, and dog mama. Her and her family live in Nebraska. To learn more about Kelsey, click here. You can also follow her on Instagram.

Date

May 07 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

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When my daughter was born I became completely selfless, the far end of a selfish mother. I tended to everything she needed and it was a lot. There were a list of issues for her and I. We didn’t realize she was dairy intolerant till around the six month mark and because of that she was a horrible sleeper due to being in pain or discomfort. We had to go to specialists and she was on medicine for a while. And because I was exclusively breastfeeding, that meant no dairy for me. Since I was exclusively breastfeeding it also meant it was me and only me feeding her. No bottles, no extra help on that end. Now I know a lot of people are asking themselves why? Well we had moved to Virginia when she was 2 1/2 months old. My husband had started a new job, which meant extra hours. I didn’t know anyone in the area so why would I not exclusively breastfed? Who was going to come over and help out? Why would I pump when I’m all by myself? Anyways….breastfeeding came fairly easy at first, but then I discovered I was an over producer. Which sounds great, but I didn’t know how to handle it. I frequently became engorged which caused clogged ducts making it miserable and painful at times. And because she had the undiagnosed dairy intolerance she wasn’t eating and draining me like she would have normally.

There are more stories I could tell you about why it was so hard with her as a baby. But basically, when a baby has a hard time sleeping and eating, which is all they do, that means you have a pretty awful first year. And we did. Obviously there were bright spots and she wasn’t in pain 24/7. She was an extremely happy baby despite all of that. All that means is I had to become extremely selfless. Pour my entire being into figuring out what was wrong with her and how to fix it. And on top of that I had to figure out how to be a mom. I had no idea what I was doing!

When you devote your entire being to someone else you become a shell of your self. Now I’m not saying anything new here. You’ve heard this a million times and it seems like a cliché, but it’s a cliché for a reason. I eventually made friends out in Virginia and had a wonderful time, but it didn’t start till around the one year mark and even then, I wasn’t doing things for myself. Like basic hygiene or anything enjoyable just for me.

Now let’s fast forward to 2016, the year I started this blog. I finally said to myself, YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING and not just a mom. It took me two years, and my husband constantly pushing me, to get out of my funk. I told myself I needed my own thing. I needed to prove to myself that I exist outside being a mother.

Once I started working on my blog I found a new passion. I felt like a new human being and my husband saw the change too. He said he was finally starting to see the old me. I missed her and so did he.

So now let’s fast forward again when I became pregnant with our son, who was born early 2018. I told myself, from the minute I got pregnant, that it would be different this time around. I would be a selfish mother. My face would be washed, I’d take 20 minutes in the day to do a face mask. I’ll work on my blog at night. Tell my husband exactly how I was feeling. Take thirty minutes to myself while he watched the kids. And I’d finally ask my friends and family for help.

Becoming a selfish mother has changed my world. It’s made me a better mom and a better wife. Sure sometimes I think, maybe I should be cleaning or playing with my kids right now. But taking thirty minutes for myself, especially when you’re a stay-at-home mom, won’t be remembered in the end. No one will say to me, why didn’t you clean the dishes instead?

Now I’m far from living my selfish mother life. I still exclusively breastfeed my son and I haven’t been out at night by myself or on a date with my husband since my son’s been born – that’s nine months if you’re counting. I still have to remind myself it’s OK. I’m hoping that by writing all this down I’m reminding myself to reconnect with me and hopefully it’s doing the same for you. You’re going to hate me for saying this but I’m going to anyways. If I can help just one person remember they are still a human being, and not just a mom. That you have things you like to do, that you matter. Self love matters, that being selfish is what YOU NEED TO DO. Please try to dig yourself out of that funk. It’ll seem so slow but then, one day, you’ll realize you’re out of the hole. And then it will feel amazing.

So take time for yourself. If you find yourself going into a hole, or if you’re there right now, take thirty minutes for yourself. I know you want to clean the dishes, or make food or whatever’s on your list but life won’t remember that you weren’t completely on top of all the tiny stuff. Plus no one else cares as much as you. What they’ll remember is that you took a minute to reconnect with yourself, came back and had a smile on your face. So take a moment – here’s how I create my spa moments if you need some ideas.

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If it's one thing, moms know how to do it's RALLY! Am I right ladies? No matter what, us mamas get up, show up, and rally each day giving our families our all.

If you're like me, your day consists of a constant juggling act between home, kids, activities and in my case, small business life. One of my biggest battles is meal planning and prepping. I'm a terrible shopper, and if I'm frank, I'm not the world's best cook either. I tend to overbuy the wrong items and end up still trying to pull something together for my family after a big grocery haul. #truth

Prep+Rally is a meal prep system to help you save not only time and money but help the busiest family get creative with healthy meals throughout their busy week! Founded by Dini Klien, Chef, media personality and mama to two. This mompreneur is here to help her fellow mamakind out!

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Postpartum depression, and especially anxiety, can catch a lot of women off guard. Here’s my experience with dealing with both postpartum anxiety and depression. (Part 1 of 2)

I’ve dealt with both depression and anxiety for over 10 years. So when I was pregnant, I knew there was a high likelihood that I would experience postpartum depression once my daughter was born. I was fully prepared to be on the lookout for symptoms. What I wasn’t aware of, was that postpartum anxiety is also a common condition that affects new moms, and that I’d experience a whole new type of anxiety I’d never felt before.

Before becoming pregnant, I managed my generalized anxiety and depression with medication and regular appointments with a therapist. I’ve accepted that these things just a part of my everyday health routine, the same way eating healthy and brushing my teeth are. I tried decreasing the dose of my medication (with the help of my doctor) when we were trying to get pregnant with the hopes of not needing it during the pregnancy, but quickly learned that was a bad idea. My doctor assured me that the medication and dosage were perfectly safe during pregnancy, so I wasn’t worried.

Once my daughter was born, I knew to look for depression symptoms – sadness, loss of interest in things, loss of appetite, changes in sleep, feelings of guilt. I’d read the literature the doctors and hospital provide.

But what I experienced was something completely different.

When my daughter was around 4 months old, I started getting extremely anxious. I couldn’t sit still, I felt like I constantly needed to be doing something and taking on projects around the house – organizing all the closets, kitchen cabinets and pantry. I rearranged my office, buying an entire shelving unit to store all of my props and photography equipment. I was constantly in a state of organizing and getting rid of things I didn’t use. All hardly things that seem important to a normal human when they’re taking care of a newborn. Yet I couldn’t seem to take my mind off of these trivial tasks.

I also felt physical symptoms like I’d never felt before. I would suddenly get tense, every muscle in my body tightening as I was doing something super normal like cooking dinner or watching TV with my husband. I would not be able to breathe deeply despite the fact that I was aware of my super shallow breathing and trying to manage it. It felt like I was constantly on the brink of a panic attack, even though it usually happened at the most mundane times.

On top of the already stressful situation of caring for a colicky newborn with no clue what I was doing, the extreme guilt I felt about not being able to feed my daughter enough, the lack of sleep that comes with a baby, and trying to get any smidge of work done, the anxiety was overwhelming.

I knew something had to change. I did a little research and discovered that postpartum anxiety affects almost as many women as postpartum depression (about 10-15% of all new moms). They can occur together or separately. Yet nobody seems to warn women about postpartum anxiety.

I already had a follow up appointment with my OB-GYN and had made an appointment with primary care doctor for a medication refill anyway. The medication I was on at the time wasn’t safe for breastfeeding at higher doses, so we decided to try another one that was. But both appointments, especially the one with my primary care doctor, left me feeling a little neglected, like I brought up how I was feeling, yet neither doctor really dug in beyond asking me if I felt suicidal (I didn’t). So it was a quick medication change with no plans for follow ups. It was extremely discouraging. I decided to look for a new PCP while trying the new medication.

Then the real struggle began.

Since I didn’t want to go back to my previous PCP, I decided to stick with my OB-GYN for my care at the time. She is amazing, which also means she is very busy and hard to get in to see. So, trying to get the balance right on my medication was a nightmare. I would call the office, only to be told that the next available appointment was in three months and that I could talk to a nurse. Then I would report my symptoms to a nurse, who would tell me she’d talk to the doctor. Then she’d call me back, of course when I was dealing with the baby and wasn’t near the phone, then we’d play phone tag a few times, and finally I would be told by the nurse to bump up my dosage, and that was that. After doing this a few times, I just felt defeated.

All the while, I was struggling with not making enough milk and trying to supplement with fenugreek to increase my milk supply. I started wondering if the fenugreek might be causing my anxiety. So, I resorted to something I hate – I consulted Google. It seemed a few other women had the same question, but with no real answer. I felt confused as ever, still anxious as hell, and unable to get in to see a doctor that would actually help me.

I started to really feel helpless. I now understood why so many people feel lost when trying to navigate any sort of health issue. It’s so hard to get the answers and the care you need in a timely manner. Waiting 3 months to get an appointment for a real problem I’m having now? And having a nurse keep increasing my medication without actually talking to me? That’s unacceptable.

I tried experimenting with stopping the fenugreek, bumping my medication up, taking it back down. Nothing seemed to help. All the while feeling anxious, helpless, stressed, and eventually depressed about the entire situation. It was affecting not only me, but my family. I felt like I didn’t have the emotional capacity or energy to give my baby or my husband the attention and affection they deserved, which only made me feel worse.

I’ll continue my story about postpartum anxiety and depression in another post, but for now, know that if you’re struggling with any of the feelings I described, you’re not alone. PPA and PPD affect 10-15% of women. You may not even know that’s what it is – a lot of women don’t. But you don’t have to struggle in silence. If you’re feeling off, talk to your doctor, talk to other women, talk to a therapist. It does get better, and getting treatment is so worth it (spoiler alert – I did finally start feeling better). You can’t be the best mom if you’re feeling this way. You have to take care of yourself so you can take care of your family, too.

Date

April 25 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

Comments

It’s not breaking news to say that becoming a mom means lots of changes. Motherhood brings abundant joys, but sadly, better sleep is not one of them. There’s no shortage of jokes or anecdotes about pregnant mothers and parents of newborns being so sleep-deprived as to be virtually sleepwalking through each day. While we don’t want to go overboard with the cliches, this issue is one that is certainly on the minds of expecting moms and dads and new parents alike.

Beginning with pregnancy and into parenthood, there are numerous ways in which sleep can be disrupted. Changes to the quantity and quality of sleep are commonplace and can affect both moms and dads. While some parents may assume that consistent sleep deprivation is inevitable, there are in fact steps that you can take to improve routines and sleep hygiene.

Understanding the ins and outs of sleep in pregnancy and parenthood can enable you to wake at least slightly more well-rested every day. This sleep guide for moms and dads starts with information for pregnant moms and then covers information for parents of newborns. We’ll also provide links to resources that can help you read more, connect with others, and find products that may contribute to your sleep.

Pregnancy and Sleep

There are a number of ways in which pregnancy can affect sleep, but these effects are not the same throughout the entire time that you’re pregnant. Instead, the biological changes associated with each trimester influence the sleep that you might get as an expecting mom.

First Trimester

The first trimester is made up of the first 12 weeks after conception. Very early in the first trimester, the fertilized egg becomes attached to the inner wall of the uterus, and your body starts to produce high levels of the hormone progesterone. After 3 weeks, you enter the embryonic stage in which the embryo begins to grow and its organs start to develop. After 8 weeks, the embryo has continued to grow and becomes a fetus.

These changes can impact sleep in a few ways. First, increased progesterone can alter your sleep patterns. Progesterone is generally sleep-inducing, but at these elevated levels, it can disrupt a normal sleep cycle. It may make you fatigued during the day but prone to sleep disruptions at night. Second, both progesterone and the pressure on the bladder from the growing baby can increase how frequently you have to urinate. This can obviously make it harder to sleep through the night. Third, as the baby grows, swelling of the breasts, pelvic pain, and cramps can complicate efforts to settle in for a good night’s sleep.

These tips may help with sleeping while pregnant during the first trimester:

Exercise: it seems counter-intuitive, but exercise can combat fatigue and body aches. While you don’t want to over-exert yourself, regular exercise can contribute to your sleep hygiene.

Take naps: short naps in the afternoon can help keep you rested and offset the fatiguing effects of progesterone.

Watch what you drink: avoid caffeinated beverages that can make it harder to fall asleep. Drink more water during the day than at night in order to reduce the nighttime need to urinate.

Morning sickness is also an issue that often arises during the first trimester. These tips may help in countering it:

Avoid spicy foods: as delicious as that habañero salsa looks, it’s generally best to stay away from really spicy dishes, especially for dinner.

Choose lighter foods before bed: eating a big or heavy meal soon before going to bed can exacerbate morning sickness, so try to opt for light snacks in the evening.

Second Trimester

In the second trimester (weeks 13 through 27), motion sickness usually goes away, and your body has had more time to get used to hormonal changes. You may start to feel the baby moving, and cramps may occur more frequently, especially leg cramps at night. Other biological changes can include heartburn, particularly when you lie down, and vivid dreaming, which may start in the first trimester but often intensifies in the second.

Cramping, heartburn, and intense dreaming can all disrupt sleep. Bodily discomfort or acid reflux may make it hard to fall asleep, and vivid dreaming may cause you to wake up more commonly in the night.

These tips can help you best manage pregnancy and sleep during the second trimester:

Watch out for acidic, fried, or spicy foods: while you may no longer need to worry as much about morning sickness, it’s still important to choose foods wisely so as to reduce heartburn. All of these types of foods can make it worse, so try to avoid them, especially at night.

Elevate your head at night: you can use pillows or an adjustable bed (if you have one) to help decrease acid reflux.

Get relaxed: deep breathing and other relaxation techniques can reduce stress and create a sense of calm when you’re going to bed. They may also help you get back to bed when you wake up in the night.

Third Trimester

The third trimester starts on the 28th week of your pregnancy and brings about big changes for both you and your baby. The growth of the fetus can put a lot of strain on your lower back, and cramping from the second trimester often intensifies. Added pressure on the bladder makes trips to the bathroom to urinate more and more frequent. All of this can add up to significant discomfort that complicates both falling asleep and staying asleep.

These tips may help with pregnant sleep during the last third of your pregnancy:

Stretch before bed: as part of your bedtime routine, build in light stretching or yoga. This can help with cramping and may also be a useful tool for relaxation.

Use pillows strategically: careful pillow placement can get you positioned comfortably, and pregnancy pillows, which are specially designed to relieve pressure, are another option to consider.

Try to follow a routine: despite all the potential for sleep disturbances, it’s still helpful to try to follow a consistent timeline for getting ready for bed, getting into bed, and waking up.

Talk to your doctor: it’s OK to raise sleep concerns with your doctor. Definitely tell your doctor if you’re noticing an itchy feeling in your legs, which can be a sign of Restless Leg Syndrome, or a dramatic increase in snoring, which is a possible sign of obstructive sleep apnea.

Sleeping Positions During Pregnancy

All of the physical changes that come about during pregnancy can be uncomfortable and can pose a serious challenge to making bedtime inviting and actually restful. An important consideration in dealing with this is sleeping position. Optimizing your sleeping position can improve your comfort, sleep quality, and even the health of your baby.

Numerous issues can contribute to the feeling of discomfort for pregnant women while sleeping:

Changes to body shape: changes to your body — namely the much larger size of your abdomen — can complicate your ability to lie down comfortably or to lie in certain positions.

Lower back pain: the strain on the lower back can cause regular pain even when sitting or lying down to reduce the pressure on your back.

Cramping: cramps in the pelvic area and in the legs can persist for months, causing pain and discomfort.

Shortness of breath: an increase in hormones can cause uncomfortable shortness of breath. Pressure from the baby on your diaphragm can also cause this issue.

Heartburn: because the digestive system slows down, there is a greater risk of heartburn, and this risk is heightened when lying down.

Best Sleeping Position During Pregnancy

It is generally accepted that the best position for sleep during pregnancy is on your side. This position is sometimes abbreviated as SOS (sleep on side). Some research suggests that the best version of SOS is being on your left side because it facilitates maximum blood and nutrient flow to the fetus. There’s no harm in spending some of the night on your right side, but in general, it’s considered optimal if you can spend most of the night on your left.

In the SOS position, most experts recommend bending your knees to reduce pressure on the lower back. Putting a pillow between your knees and/or under your abdomen can further reduce pressure on the back and add comfort. Other modifications of the SOS position include putting an extra pillow under your head to decrease heartburn or behind you to keep you upright and reduce shortness of breath.

If SOS isn’t your normal sleeping position, you can experiment with different pillow locations to help make this position comfortable. You can also look into pregnancy pillows, which are designed with a specific shape to help provide the type of comfort and pressure relief that you need.

Sleeping Positions to Avoid During Pregnancy

The most important position to avoid is sleeping on your back. This position can put a lot of stress on your back, can exacerbate heartburn, and can impinge on arteries that are important for your circulation.

Sleeping on your stomach doesn’t pose any risk to your baby, but it can be extremely uncomfortable as your belly grows. Depending on how you position your pillows, this could place strain on other parts of your body as well.

Sleep Troubles for New Mothers

We’ve all heard the stories and seen sleep-deprived parents among us. It’s a common refrain that sleep is what parents, especially parents of newborns, miss the most.

While the burden of reduced sleep can affect both parents, it tends to fall more heavily on new mothers. The need to wake up in the night to attend to a newborn can lead to sleep troubles for two reasons. One is diminished sleep quantity as some new moms simply do not get as much total sleep as before. The second, and often less recognized, is fragmented sleep , which can cause a higher level of daytime sleepiness. Even if moms can maintain a similar quantity of sleep by napping or staying in bed longer, the quality of that sleep is typically lower. Both sleep quantity and quality may also be affected by stress or anxiety that can come about after the birth of a new baby.

Loss of sleep, especially quality sleep, can pose a number of potential risks for new mothers:

Physical fatigue: your body relies on sleep to keep functioning at a high level. Without enough sleep for recovery, you may feel lethargic or experience muscle soreness.

Daytime sleepiness: fragmented sleep increases drowsiness, but most new moms still have many responsibilities to manage. Going through the day without being rested can increase stress and mental fatigue and can add risk to activities like driving.

Risks of postpartum depression (PPD): it is normal for new mothers to experience what is sometimes called the “baby blues,” in which they may feel sad or anxious after giving birth. If this persists and worsens, it can become PPD, which is experienced by 10-15% of new moms. Sleep deprivation, especially when prolonged, can contribute to PPD and its symptoms.

While some new mothers may be tempted to use sleep aids — such as prescription or over-the-counter sleep medications — it is important to talk to your doctor before taking any of these medications. Many of these drugs have side effects or can be habit-forming, and some may not be safe for mothers who are breastfeeding.

Getting Your Rest – How New Mothers Can Cope

While welcoming your new baby into your home can bring a bevy of wonderful moments, it can also pose real issues for your sleep. Though many of the challenges to getting a full night’s sleep can persist for a while, there are still steps that you can take to try to reduce sleep deprivation and its impacts.

Sleeping when your baby sleeps. If your newborn takes a nap in the afternoon, try to nap right alongside them. While it’s tempting to try to handle other chores or projects while your baby is napping, this is a great time to help get caught up on your total sleep hours. If possible, try to make it through a full sleep cycle (90 minutes).

Optimize your environment: when you go to bed, you want to be able to fall asleep quickly and get the most restful sleep possible. This involves several steps:

Keep it dark: try to avoid blinking lights (like chargers) that are easily visible. Consider using blackout curtains if your current blinds let in a lot of exterior light.

Limit screens in the bedroom: studies have demonstrated that the light that we’re exposed to during “screen time” interrupts our natural processes to help fall asleep. Try to also avoid screen time if you wake up in the night to feed or otherwise take care of the baby.

Have a cozy bed: if your old mattress isn’t providing you the comfort and support that you need, give some serious thought to adding a mattress topper or replacing the mattress altogether.

Exercise: though its exact impact on sleep is not fully understood, exercise is an important part of your overall health and early indications are that it may ease problems with insomnia.

Find a relaxation program: whether it’s deep breathing, meditation, mindfulness, or yoga, finding a relaxation strategy that works for you can help you get to bed and can decrease stress levels.

Avoid caffeine: coffee, many teas, sodas, and other caffeinated beverages can all interfere with your ability to get to sleep, especially if consumed in the afternoon or later.

Limit alcohol: even though alcohol may bring temporary stress relief and can make you sleepy, the sleep you get when buzzed is typically of lower quality.

Consult your physician: if you are continually struggling with sleep or if you notice that you have persistent issues with depression, anxiety, fatigue, or other symptoms of PPD, talk to your doctor. They can help discuss what to expect and any steps that may be available to help.

Date

April 23 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

Comments

We just got back home from watching Captain Marvel and I couldn’t help but to immediately sit down and write all my feelings about this movie down. I am going to be completely open and honest and admit to you that there was a part of this movie where I sobbed…and I mean SOBBED!

This movie really got to me on a personal level and inspired me to write this post! With that being said, I am going to attempt to take a deep dive to explain why this movie punched me in the gut. To start off, I just want to say that Carol Danvers is a total BOSS! I mean, even before she becomes Captain Marvel she is independent, in the Air Force and there is no other description besides an overall, kick-ass woman!

In my opinion, this movie has a HUGE, deeper message that not just every single woman should hear, but every HUMAN on the planet should hear. I am going to warn you, there are spoilers throughout this post, so if you have not seen the movie and do not want me to spoil some scenes for you, I would suggest bookmarking this page to come back and read it later.

As mentioned earlier, you find out from the start that Captain Marvel or Carol Danvers is, pretty much, a badass. She is tough, she can fight and from the get-go, you can tell she has a stubborn independence about her. She starts off on this planet named “Hala” with these humanoid aliens called the “Kree” who make her believe that they have given her these “powers.” You also find out from the beginning that she is constantly told that she is “too emotional,” and that eventually, this will become her downfall. The Kree inhabiting this planet also threaten to take her power away if she keeps being “too emotional.”

As the movie progresses, you start to learn about her past prior to her gaining powers and end up finding out that she is actually human and that these powers were something that she absorbed, becoming part of her. There is a pivotal part in the movie where she finds out that this planet Hala that she has lived on, and these people who have always threatened to take her power away have just been lying and brainwashing her into thinking that these powers were “given” to her by them. When in reality, she had the power all along, they were just programing her into thinking that it didn’t belong to her as a way to control her. They also knew that her emotions, which made her human, would cause her to see that the Kree were actually evil and her empathy would kick in to fight for the greater good instead of blind loyalty to them.

That pivotal moment that I mentioned was the moment in the movie where I sobbed. I sobbed because I internalized what she went through. I related and I relived it on the big screen through Captain Marvel herself. In another life, I worked in Corporate America and there was a particular person who told me I was “too emotional” …and upon leaving Corporate America they told me I really never was cut out for it. Now, deep down, I always had felt that I didn’t fit in with the “Corporate America mold” that you are supposed to fit into, but I forced myself into that mold. I tried to push away my emotions, tried to hold back tears at times when I wanted to cry and tried to mimic what I was told you were supposed to become to move your way up the ladder. For years, I tried and I tried hard… I felt like I had to earn this power, achieve a position and keep working towards becoming this unemotional businessperson that cared more about profits than people. I became depressed and I became depressed because I started believing the lie, I tried not to be “too emotional” but no matter how hard I tried, I kept breaking down into emotion.

You see… the lie is all wrong because I don’t think there is such thing as “being cut out for Corporate America”.

I think that there is no Corporate America mold to be cut into. I don’t think you earn power nor do you achieve power… I wholeheartedly believe that you already own power; you were born with it. I think this rat race that we put ourselves in is a lie. I think deep down, we already have what we want. Some people are emotional, some are quick-witted, some are creative, some are analytical, some are a little weird… and all of it is power. Being “too emotional” is your power; it means you care a lot. Which means you have empathy and that you are ethically minded. The mold doesn’t actually exist in Corporate America; it is a façade. You do not need to fit into the mold to succeed. So, I am going to give that person who told me I was “too emotional” credit. You are right, I am.

The difference between now and then though is that I realized that, that was the power that I had all along. It is what allows me to relate to people in my writing, my art and my communication. It is my compass when making the decision of right and wrong, selfish and selfless. It is my power. Like Dorothy, I got to the end of the yellow brick road clicked my heels and found out I had the power the WHOLE TIME. I was held back too long listening to the lie that this power was actually my weakness. Leaving Corporate America was my pivot, my Captain Marvel moment… and believe me, I am just getting started.

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Ashland is a mom and lifestyle blogger based in Southern California. She worked for years as the event planner at Disneyland and has recently followed her heart and created a space to share her thoughts and dreams with her blog. To learn more about Ashland, click here. You can also follow her on Instagram.

Date

April 18 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

Comments

Raising a feminist son.

Written by: Ariel M.

Yeah, I said it. My son will be raised to be a feminist. Before you keep scrolling, let’s dig into the actual definition of feminism... Feminism: political, social, and economic equality for all sexes See? It’s not about one sex rising to power over another. It’s not about dominion at all. In fact, feminism has a lot to do with respect regardless of sex. We try to be very intentional in our house with our words and actions to teach our little how to be a feminist.

Raise your hand if you have ever heard one or more of the following phrases:

-You ____ like a girl!

-Boys don’t cry!

-You’re acting like a girl!

-You can’t do that, you’re a girl!

I could go on, but I’ll stop right there. There is nothing negative about females.

I will say it again for the people in that back: THERE IS NOTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT FEMALES.

Considering a female gave him life, my son will certainly be taught that females are to be respected. We make a conscious effort to not use language that would never put down a female. It can be hard because these are phrases that WE grew up hearing. Breaking the generational mold can be touchy, but especially with this topic, it is necessary! So, my boy wants to help his mommy clean, great! He will know how to take care of himself and be an active partner when he lives with someone in the future. Yeah, I have no issue if he wants to play with a baby doll. He is learning how to be caring and compassionate. If you have a problem with that, then maybe you need to practice with a baby doll. I don’t compare my son to a girl when he cries. Crying is okay. Crying is natural. Neither sex is wrong for crying. Plus, I don’t want my son growing up thinking that being compared to a female is detrimental. That gives the notion that being a female is somehow bad, and it’s not. Not only do we show him how to show respect with our words, we show respect to him as a person with our actions. Never do we try to force or goad our son into being affectionate if he says no or shows signs that he is not feeling hugs. That’s okay. He is allowed to make decisions for his body and personal space. That is his right as a human being. My goal is that he will learn through our actions how to respect someone else’s body and space. This is not a how-to with five easy steps to getting a feminist son. This is just me sharing my thoughts and ideas hoping that it resonates with another parent out there. It might not change the whole world, but it can change somebody’s whole world! I’ll let you know in ten years how it works out for me! ;)

Love and light,

Ariel

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Ariel is a blogger and proud wife and mama of a young gentleman. She writes a lot about Midwest livin' and has some fun recipes and meal prep ideas.

To learn more about her blog, click here. You can also follow her on Instagram.

Date

April 09 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

Comments

When it comes to cooking in the kitchen, one thing is for sure, in our house, it’s a family affair. Since the very early age of one, Sophia, my four-year-old has been cooking and baking up a storm in my kitchen. She learned how to crack her first egg before the age of two and found a love for creating recipes very early on in her cooking career. I must admit I was nervous about the mess that would become of my kitchen, but the memories we would make and the moments we shared far surpassed these concerns. As the years have gone by, Sophia has become quite the little chef. She makes the most delicious apple pie I have ever tasted and her secret ingredients would make you laugh… but they work! I’ll give you a hint… there is more fruit than apples and a pinch of salt goes a long way!

Over the last few months, she has found a real joy in baking family creations for the holidays. Sophia and I create fun recipes and share them with followers on our blog and social media channels. She and her little sister Priscilla have a blast creating “cooking shows” to share with our followers. We just love to celebrate every single holiday together and Easter is one of our favorites. We decided it would be fun to share an easy family friendly recipe that kids can make almost independently with just a little help from an adult.

Rice Krispies treat nests were the perfect snack/craft to feature for this holiday. They are so simple to make and aside from melting the butter and marshmallows, children can do the rest on their own! Sophia and I had so much fun making these little Peep nests to share with our followers, and we hope you will have a great time making them with your family too! The best part is you can use your imagination and get creative with your nest filling! Sophia chose Peeps, but you can fill them with anything-- jelly beans, fruit, the possibilities are endless!

Melt butter and marshmallows till blended well. I use the stove top, but you can do this in a microwave safe bowl. Mix in crispy cereal and blend well. Use cooking spray and coat muffin pan well. Using hands or spoon place mixture into pan and press center to create a nest hole. Let cool for about 15-20 minutes. Take out of pan and decorate with fillings. 😊 Enjoy!

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Lindsay is a lifestyle blogger and mom to 2 little ladies. To read more of her blogs, click here. You can also follow her journey through motherhood on Instagram.

Date

April 04 2019

Written By

Julie Khaled

Comments

Motherhood + Hypothyroidism

Written by: Violet Jauregui

Every Motherhood is different. Every Motherhood is special and unique to your family life. So when something new is thrown into the mix it can make life even more challenging. My new challenge began during my postpartum recovery with my youngest babe. I had two older children when I went through that pregnancy and I remember thinking to myself, “OMG, this is so much harder than I remember”. About 5-ish months into my recovery I knew that something wasn’t right. I didn’t feel right, I was anxious all the time, I was becoming forgetful, and I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing when it came to my new baby. I was having anxiety attacks, which were new to me, and there was a different kind of depression that I was going through. These were just a few new symptoms I was feeling. This went on for almost a year.

I have been blessed with kids who love to sleep, so by the time my youngest was 3 months old he was sleeping 5-6 hours at a time. As a newborn momma that’s an amazing night of sleep! Yet, for me I would wake up even more exhausted, my brain fog was getting worse, and in a matter of 2-3 months I gained 40+ lbs. These were some of the signs that finally made me see a doctor and I got my official diagnosis:

Motherhood + Hypothyroidism.

I felt a little bit of relief that I could finally put a name to how I had been feeling for so long. At the same time, I was overwhelmed and scared. I had no idea what it meant to be hypothyroid, I didn’t fully understand how my thyroid worked and how it affected my body and mind the way it had. I had no idea how important my thyroid was and I didn’t even know where it was located on my body until I was diagnosed. It’s this tiny butterfly-shaped gland at the front base of your neck that produces the thyroid hormone and is pretty much needed in almost every cell of your body. With hypothyroidism; also called an underactive thyroid; everything slows down and causes some serious disruption in your body. There are so many symptoms linked to hypothyroidism and each body has its own mix of symptoms. The treatment from my doctor was a general synthetic thyroid hormone replacement medication that I took without question. I tried functioning on the medication for over a year hoping everything would go back to “normal” but there wasn’t a big change for me. There’s no way knowing exactly when I became hypothyroid but I believe it happened during my postpartum recovery with my youngest son. My thyroid just didn’t start back up again.

I think some of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since my diagnosis is with people who make assumptions about me based on what they see on the surface. Some would say I’m just pretending to be sick because they didn’t believe all my symptoms are connected to my thyroid. At times some would make comments of how they didn’t believe me because they know of someone with the same illness that have done well on the same medication. Others would make comments about my weight gain calling me a lazy mom. Since when is your size an indication of your mothering skills?

What a lot of people don’t know is that my illness debilitated me to where I felt like I was just a shell of who I was before. I lost some pregnancy weight but it’s the hypothyroid weight that I gained and struggle to lose to this day. It’s easy to look at someone and make assumptions not knowing the internal battles that are being fought. I’ve been in survival mode for a few years and most people have no clue. Only my loved ones knew at the beginning because I was ashamed of my illness. I let it bring me down and I had legit mom guilt over it.

It has taken me years to understand that making myself a priority doesn’t take away from my kids and husband being a priority. Trying to get through each day running on empty or fumes wasn’t attainable for very long even though I kept pushing it. It wasn’t until I literally couldn’t get out of bed to take my kids to school that I realized that I needed to put myself and my health first so that I would be able to take care of my family. I had to learn how to take care of myself. We moms take care of everyone else and put ourselves last. I had to learn to give myself a whole lot of grace so that I could get through the day, even if it was slower than what I was used to. I was growing in my motherhood and learning new ways to accomplish even the smallest tasks at home and with my kids.

I started giving myself permission to not have to do everything on my internal chore chart for the day. I gave myself permission to cry if I felt overwhelmed over nothing or over everything. I gave myself permission to know that it’s ok to not always be ok. I gave myself permission to feel and work through my anxiety and depression. And I gave myself permission to not feel guilty about any of it. I have let go of the things that aren’t doing me any good, surrounded myself with the things and people who uplift me and love me for who I am inside. Simple things like listening to my favorite playlist, gym time, texting my best friend or a movie night with my kids and husband make me FEEL better. I still have dozens of symptoms daily but I’ve learned how to take care of myself and I now know certain triggers to avoid so that I can get through my day in the best way I’ve learned how. I am embracing this season of my motherhood + hypothyroidism, through my good days and my bad ones, with a touch of grace, acceptance, understanding, cuddles and lots of love.

Date

Written By

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Their storybook smoothies are perfect for keeping my three tiny humans well-balanced while out and about. Cold-pressed, dairy-free, no added sugar and with 3 grams of both protein and fiber, they fill the void other snacks leave.

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