If you find tension between you and teenager son or daughter that make it difficult to keep the relationship as in the past, here it is a list of top 10 teenagers choices from a small survey to a group of teenagers and young adults who gave their answers to “what you would like your parents to do for you…”

Top 1 – Listening. Pay attention to what the teenager said. No judgement.

It’s winner of everything. It basically applies to every relationship in adulthood as well. If you can just listening, without response or giving out your “advice” too much, you may likely gain the trust from the teenagers to talk to you more and frequently.

Top 2 – Give freedom. Let them do what they want.

Again, teenagers are eager to be treated as grown up, making their choices, meeting someone they like, listening to their own music. So, allowing them to be in charge of their own is a sign of trust. Here it’s what a young adult recalled the situation.

“Unless you have a real reason, there is no need to helicopter parent your teen. In fact, making your own mistakes is a huge part of growing up. I’m certainly not suggesting letting your teen sneak into bars, but it’s a normal part of teenage life for them to go to a party or on a date. Worried? First, calm yourself. Then, tell your teen that you know you are over-worried, but you need a little reassurance from them. Sit down and ask some questions about their plans, to be sure your concerns are met. (“Will there be adult supervision? What will you do if other kids are drinking or smoking marijuana? What will you do if you feel like you’re in over your head and you want me to pick you up, no punishment no matter what?”)

Top 3 – Be a sounding board – as listener, ask good questions, leave them to think their solution.

One level up, most teenagers value suggestions, inspiring questions, different angles to tackle their own questions or issues. Key words are “let them think their own solutions”. Again, no one wants to be told to do things.

Other things that teenagers want most from their parents:

Top 4 – Work out or exercise together

Top 5 – Don’t compare to siblings/cousins/friends

Top 6 – Simply ask how the day was, everyday

Top 7 – Have fun, try new things together

Top 8 – Give hug (if don’t want hugs, give foot massage)

Top 9 – Show up to events/activities to give support (but don’t embarrass them)