Computational Complexity and other fun stuff in math and computer science from Lance Fortnow and Bill Gasarch

Monday, June 26, 2006

Finding a Mate

A female professor once told a story of a student who asked her out on
a date. After she politely declined, the student asked her if she could be his
advisor. Apparently it is harder to find a spouse than to get a Ph.D.

Which brings me to a question asked by a commenter on my Two Body post:
How is a CS grad student to find love?

I get asked this question surprisingly often, even though I have been
out of "the game" for nearly two decades. My best advice:
Find some activity you like and join a club on or off campus that
matches that activity. For example, concert band, contra dancing,
running, skiing, sailing, etc. You'll meet other lonely people who
share at least one interest with you.

I was never good at bars, clubs and blind dates. People like us don't
always make a good first impression; that's why it's best to have an
opportunity to make friends over time before asking someone out.

I missed the whole on-line dating scene. I have known some people
who have had great success with them and others who haven't.
Sunday the Chicago Tribune highlighted
a new dating site Geek2Geek. Only for the desperate.

Does it matter whether you date an academic or not? Not really, just
find the right person for you. Making a two-body problem is often
harder than solving it.

I met my wife over the internet, a dating site even. There are many out there... match.com, eharmony, okcupid, the onion personals. The site I used specialized with vegetarians. There are other special sites based on religion if that's an important factor, et cetera.

Clubs? Bars? Come on dude, that's so 90s. From what I've seen of my fellow UCSD grads, the dating scene does not exist. Even the alpha males need to go online.

Meeting someone first over email, then IM, then the phone... you really get to know them, even when you've only seen a couple pictures of what they look like. It took me four tries online to find the right one.

The bottom line: Online dating is for everyone now, not just desperate geeks.

People like who? If you mean all computer scientists, then you're obviously painting with far too broad a brush -- and perpetuating a stereotype to boot. You said something like this before about computer scientists "lacking social skills". If you're uncomfortable in social situations, I sympathize ... but why blame it on your profession?

Meeting someone first over email, then IM, then the phone... you really get to know them, even when you've only seen a couple pictures of what they look like. It took me four tries online to find the right one.