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Request for Reader Input

I’m making something funny. And I suddenly realized… why have all the fun on my own, when I can make it a community project?

What I started doing is making a bingo card.

“BBB’s Bad Tank Bingo”.

That’s right, you already know where I’m going with this.

A bingo card with spaces describing the classic warning signs that this pug is being run by a BAD TANK.

Now, hold your horses. Don’t get all fired up just yet.

That idea alone would be enough content for MOST blogs, but this here is the Big Bear Butt. There’s more.

What I’d like fer you folks to do, is go ahead and hit me with your favorite indicator that you’ve got a bad tank.

But I want you to put it in a special format.

No, not PDF or Xcel or any of that crap.

No, I want you to give me your best Jeff Foxworthy impression.

“If you spend more time talking about being a leet raider on your alt then you do holding aggro… then you MIGHT be a Bad Tank”

That’s right, ladies and gentlebears, I want you to hit me with your best one liner, and not only will I pull my favorites to make the bingo card, but you’ll get to have fun reading the funny in the comments that YOU come up with.

Now, let’s take a moment to pretend there is a high minded purpose behind this, instead of mocking people who suck as tanks.

[ahem]

“This project is being started in the hopes that, by using humor to highlight the most common behaviors displayed by tanks with little skill or experience, we will help to educate players about what to watch out for before they get started.”

Nope, we’re not making fun of sucky tanks in any way. Nope. Nosireebillyjoebob. Totally trying to be helpful here.

Ayup.

C’mon! Hit me with your favorites! And don’t spare the sarcasm, bitterness or misery! They made you run in that group and deal with it… now vent!

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99 thoughts on “Request for Reader Input”

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If you spend more time criticizing someone’s gear score than generating aggro, causing adds to eat your healer… then you might be a bad tank.

If you focus on one mob and figure that if the DPS doesn’t focus fire on your exact target then it’s his or her problem and they deserve their death, so you won’t taunt if they pull off you… then you might be a bad tank.

If you are not a druid tank and you go into a random heroic without at least 535 defense on your gear or a raid with 540 defense… then you might be a bad tank.

If you are a druid tank and you don’t have Survival of the Fittest when you join a random heroic or raid… then you might be a bad tank.

If you pull with a taunt that doesn’t cause damage… then you might be a bad tank.

If freshly-dinged level 80 beast mastery hunters can pull aggro off of you without even trying… then you might be a bad tank.

If you don’t know what your cooldowns are and where they are on your action bars or keybinds… then you might be a bad tank.

If you chain pull mobs without checking your healer’s mana….and cause a wipe cos the healer didn’t have enough gas to chuck you a heal, hence causing your healthbar to drop like the bottom fell out..and consequently, getting the rest of your group utter decimated….you MIGHT be a bad tank🙂

If you didn’t know the lay of the land and decide to pull stuff without first checking for patrols… and happen to pull a mob that was chained to ANOTHER mob..and this gang HAPPENS to run smack into a pathing patrol, bringing an entire room to your campsite… you MIGHT be a bad tank.

If you’re a druid with 360 swipe and you keep breaking CC, just cos you didn’t know you can butt swipe… you MIGHT be a bad tank.

If you’re running around grabbing tons of mobs and you don’t see that your fellow Druid who’s normally in Treeform just switched to bearform to grab some mobs of your DPS before they die…. you might be a bad Tank!

On the other hand it could also mean that you just have an imba healer with actuall skills and raidawareness (sp?)😀

If you happen to rush ahead not waiting for the rest of the group, then you might be…a bad tank
If you are under the impression that healers CAN heal stupid, then you might be…a bad tank
If you are in fact, George W. Bush, you might be, a bad tank/President
If you keyboard turn sloooooowly when you hear people screaming in horror behind you, you might just be….a bad tank

If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are oom
If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are 2 corridors back still drinking to top up his mana
If you decide to take on trash or bosses when the healer / dps are running from 2 corridors back after drinking to top up his mana
(Could i just ad the optional “and then blame the healer / dps for the wipe” to those top 3)
If you decide to ignore all tactics and just try and brute force everything
If you leave that caster mob over there wailing on your healer because hes not in your aoe attack range and its too far to walk

Leetness

If you decide that you are the better tank because you have more health than the other tank (even though he is def / hit / expertise capped and you aren’t!)
If you do a miltimob pull without marking kill order and healer / dps / all die because of aggro (“and then blame the healer / dps for the wipe”)
If you enter a heroic wearing cloth because its T10 and you are leet!
If you chain pull mobs in a dungeon (without looking at your healer / dps gear) because you are leet and it doesnt matter
If you link DPS output in party chat and beat the lowest dpser because hes a fresh 80 in greens and blues and ur in T10 ICC 25 gear
If you demand a minimum of 6k GS of your heals & dps to do a heroic
If you decide to tank in dps off spec as you can do more dmg / treat way!

Ignorance

If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling the trash even though not all of the party have zoned in yet
If you having an important buff that you dont put on the rest of your party members even though they ask you to multiple times
If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling without even saying “Hi” or doing a ready check
If you enter a random dungeon and start pulling even though your healer or a dps says one sec i need to do a quick spec change
If you pull trash or a boss just after the healer says brb

Ive a bear main but recently started a disc priest (L69 now🙂 and had tanks do all or most of the above.
It was good therapy to let it all out! Thanks bbb 8)

Its amazing how new or leveling tanks treat instance runs like they were in T10 chaining heroics and generally it just stresses the healer or makes a run allot harder. Here’s hoping that Cata dungeons are a little harder so that these tanks learn how to play properly!

If you have ever said “What’s Righteous Fury?” …you might be a bad tank
If you are not specced in protection and queue as a tank …you might be a bad tank
If you have a healer sitting on the floor with a mug in his hand and a very teeny tiny blue bar as you run in and pull the next room …you might be a bad tank
If you taunt off of the mage that starts their Blizzard as you shoot the mob with an arrow to pull …you might be a bad tank
If you enter an instance as a tank and have not read up on all the fights …you might be a bad tank
If you have no glyphs …you might be a bad player

You know how sometimes you are on a run and the tank, he goes and falls right off the edge of a handy cliff? KerBLOOM? Yes, sirree, that there’s a sign of what might be called–if you want to be cruel about it–(and I do) a bad tank.

If you decide to take on the boss while the DPS and Healer are drinking and then when you are kissing the floor to actually have the balls to blame the healer for not healing you.. you might be a bad tank.

If you ignore your healer saying she needs to switch spec and gear and start mass-pulling, you might be a bad tank.
If you tank without Defensive Stance to prove you’re cool, you might be a bad tank.
If you start trying to grief the party by leaving the instance and forcing us to wait another fifteen minutes to kick your sorry ass, you might be a very surprised tank when I log on my geared bear tank alt, have someone from my server in the party invite me, and annihilate the instance while you’re jeering at us from the safety of Ironforge…and then you come back and try (succeed) in wiping us by pulling the ghoul room in DTK onto me all at once when I have a sub80 healer, and continue to make our lives miserable by sprinting to Gnomeregan and clearing the place because it puts you in combat the whole time and that means we can’t kick you.
*Deep breath*
And then, you finally leave the damn group when only my dedicated warlock friend and I are left, and we put ourselves back in the RDF, with a few decent DPS, and clear the place in 5 minutes top, you might be A BAD TANK!

I hate you, you stupid paladin. And that wasn’t a one liner, to think about it.

If you’re a stupid bear who died on Sarth3D because she didn’t use any of her cooldowns at the enrage, you might be a bad tank. (MEEEEE)

Oh, and this one: “If you are not specced in protection and queue as a tank …you might be a bad tank”
I think it only applies to tanks over 35 or so. It’s pretty common for pallies to tank as ret until they get some decent prot talents.

Damn, but I fit into a few of these. I like pulling with Cat Form > Dash > Feral Charge > Bear Form. I tend to loot while mobs are still alive to allow for skinning during the half second pause between pulls.

Finkle’s Skinner vs. two mages while tanking an heroic. Let’s not get into that one.

If all the DPS have mana bars, and you’re pulling to the 2nd boss in H-Nex, and wonder why the bosses don’t die, you might be a baddadin.
If you’re asking to focus on your target (instead of marking) and switch targets every second, you might be a bad tank.
If you’re dual-wielding in starter gear on HoR(H), you might be a DK.
If you’re marking skull to ignore it, you might be a bad tank.

If you’re quitting after the sword (or Marvin) in HoR (H) for your Hilt-quest, you’re a bad tank.

If you’re not warning us that you’re new/rusty, then you’re a bad tank.

If you lose your 45+K health in plate in 3 GCDs, then you’re a dead tank.

@Saffron: I think I ran into this guy too. Heroic VH, and he refused to move to grab any mobs, and said that he’d start tanking when he felt like it. Wasn’t Athear from the Echo Isles, server, was it?
And just to be on topic: If you’ve ever tried to tank an instance with both a chef’s hat and a fishing pole equipped, you might be a bad tank, or you might just be me.