Pastor has asked that all toys left after the charity drive be given to other children and not to grown folks with only cats and dogs in their lives. #amen

If you are expecting a gift from brother Esteban, please know that a donation has already been made in your name to his credit card bill.

The Airport arrivals have started and this is not an excuse to miss Church Service or Thursday night Prayer meeting. #noted #findanotherride

Beef & Chicken Pastelles are on sale at $24 each? Let me taste one raisin in it and see if that fig-leaf wrapping isn’t stuffed down your throat. #letthechurchsayamen

On Monday, I will be in office alone as everyone else will be on vacation. Posting pictures from the beach or with a drink in your hand is not permitted.

The Deacon Board has noticed that the Doubles man on Maraval Road has missed a day or two this week. If he doesn’t pay taxes, does he really need a day off?

The church is reminded to avoid Sister Debbie’s black cake as it has been soaking in a bucket of rum since the beginning of December.

The Young Ladies of the church are reminded to not accept any “Free Kisses” or “Free Hugs” Coupons from any young gentlemen in the church. The Lord’s love is enough to keep you til you die.

If you know the brother or sister sitting next to you is alone this Christmas, please inquire if they would like company and only visit them in groups for 4. The Lord didn’t minister to you for any romantic hook up on this matter.

If any of these announcements are confusing to you, might I suggest that you take it to the GOOD LORD in prayer and not with me!

I’ve stopped expecting gifts for Christmas; mainly because of my age and also because I’m generally considered ungrateful when I get bad presents from people.

If I see anybody that owes me money using an Iphone X, please know that I will not be confronting you but just passing by you and picking up stuff for auction.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the daily bible verses that people send me on a morning; it’s the outta timing memes and videos that follow that I find slightly disturbing.#bipolarmuch #pickateam #teamjesus #teamdevil

Trouble walked out the gate this morning while I was driving out. She didn’t look back and I didn’t call out to her to getback inside. I just watched her cut eye as I passed her in the road on my way to the gym. #notrunningbehindadog #irundownnothing #notmyideaofcardio

A lady cuts in front of an old man near Marli Street this morning. The guy responds : “Yuh driving like yuh face!! Zug Up!!”

My housekeeper sent me a video from my laundry room of something that looked like rat droppings. I resisted the urge to tell her to pack my stuff up as I would be moving out.

I’ve been spring cleaning over the last week and I can safely say that every box I’ve touched is now neatly packed and that I’ve thrown NOTHING away.

How does one choose/decide on paint colors for a wall? The only colors I know for painting walls are Off White, Cream, and Sky Blue. #iminamess #imhorribleatchoosingcolors #fixitrowley

Yes Ma’am I did hear you fart twice while you were doing your sit-ups in the corner. I assumed your music was on too loud so you think they came out without a sound.

I see that you are back posting inspirational quotes under random pictures of yourself holding a drink/camera phone. STOP IT!! No one believes you as a motivational speaker!

Have you seen someone you hadn’t seen in ages and all of a sudden a repressed memory re-surfaces and scares you?

Here’s my tale.

In a Galaxy far far away. In a time where Gods roamed amongst us, there was a young lad that was loved by all and was always invited to every event possible. That no longer happens to the person but he isn’t bitter or angry with these so –called friends and their “married people/couples limes” with the multiple of…… . Sigh ok I’m digressing here and sounding bitter. Focus!!

Anyway, in this alternate universe, he was invited by a co-worker to a celebratory event at his home. (I’m being vague here just so that anyone familiar with the event will have a hard time recalling same). The event was of a Thanksgiving nature. His parents were celebrating the success of all of their children completing tertiary education, some with multiple degrees. Now, I wasn’t the only one from the office that was invited but most everyone else decided to carpool. I opted to drive there on my own.

Anyway I got there at a decent time and mingled with everyone but stayed mainly within the confines of the people that I knew.

The speeches started an hour later and began with the Patriarch speaking on behalf of the family and listing out the accomplishments of the children. There were loads of cheers and toasting at this point. Then a close family member came up to speak and he also echoed the sentiments of the father and then added the gem of a phrase that this family always made the :indigenous choice” when it came to finding companionship.

I jumped slightly at the phrase “indigenous choice” but smiled it off and toasted like everyone else.

Each of the children spoke afterwards and basically thanked their parents for instilling the proper work ethic and values within them. That part was hella touching. Then came the fiancé of one of the siblings who spoke and proclaimed how happy he was to be invited into the family and how much he was in love. Before he ended his speech, he uttered “Oh and as you can see, she made the indigenous choice”.

A loud deafening boom entered my ears and pervaded my mindscape.

Everyone else laughed and some howled with laughter.

Me?

Well I grinned and for the first time I quickly surveyed the room and realized that…. Gulp.. I was alone. There was no one else like me there. I looked at my co-workers and realized the same thing. I was the only one!

No one else there was as “handsome” as I.

How could that be?

Why would they single me out to attend this event?

Then the voice of Oda Mae Brown filled my head : Molly, you in danger, girl!

I will not say that I departed immediately but I began to feel slightly uncomfortable even though everyone I spoke to at the event acted normal and to a large extent was only laughing at my jokes.

So when the speeches ended and the food was served (yuh must be mad to think I was leaving there hungry), I hung around for another half hour and then feigned a previous commitment (having to pick up my mother and sister from an alleged prayer meeting) and left.

I never spoke about my feelings/fears to anyone from work, but I mentioned the awkwardness to a couple people and was told that I was being my usual paranoid self.