Man Gets All Stabby After Wife Cancels ESPN

As much fun as I poke at ESPN, I always contended that I could not survive without it. Especially this time of year, when I finally decide to catch up on College Basketball. Well apparently a lot of men feel the same way that I do, including one guy that almost murdered his wife because she canceled the channel without telling him. Via The Hour….

Police arrested a Norwalk man on Saturday who allegedly threatened his wife at knife-point for canceling ESPN a few weeks before the Super Bowl, a department spokesperson said.

Officers responded to Smalls’ home on West Main Street on a call of an armed subject shortly before midnight on Saturday, Norwalk police Sgt. Lisa Cotto said.

At the residence, police interviewed a woman who alleged her husband threatened her with a kitchen knife after he learned that she had recently canceled the family’s cable package, Cotto said.

Smalls was most upset for having lost his favorite sports channels, specifically the 24-hour sports network ESPN, she said.

Smalls admitted to grabbing his wife and screaming at her while their three children were sleeping, but denied ever threatening the woman with a knife, she said.

The wife told police that she canceled her husband’s favorite programs because the family could no longer afford it, Cotto said. The husband told officers that he was upset because he believed the luxury of cable was well within the household budget, she said.

Well then. I would probably be ultra depressed for a few weeks, but I don’t think I would ever turn to violence. Actually I take that back. When ESPN fired Emmitt Smith, I went outside and just started flipping cars. Who knows what I would do if the whole channel was taken from me. ESPN should really hire this guy for their next set of commercials.

Oh and look for “ESPN the Murder Weapon” at a store near you this Summer!