Top-Tier Grads Look Forward to Making No Money

Wall Street's siren song has fallen silent

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Congratulations, Harvard graduates! Now you can feel good about being poor.

While most college graduates this year unhappily face uncertain futures, the threat of impending and dire poverty, and a good 10 to 15 years of hopeless sub-management toil until the Baby Boomers recoup enough of their lost retirements to finally leave the workforce, one population can look at our New Depression and breathe a sigh of relief. These special people might be as frustrated and poor as everybody else, but they are at least no longer burdened by worries that they will fall victim to the terrible seductions of banking jobs.

Meet the rare and delicate species known as the Ivy League graduate. He's exactly like other humans, only smarter! And just like any other kid fresh out of college, he'd really like to do something "meaningful" or "important" with his life, as long as it doesn't involve any material sacrifice.

That's why it's so awesome that he's now being forced to address the terrible indignity of a job that pays under $150,000 in his first year out of school. It will make him stronger, and nobler:

“This year, many undergraduates told me that they were looking more broadly at career options due to the changes in the financial industry,” Faust said.

Who knew that the collapse of the banking industry would have such a salutary effect on so may other industries? Now all the venal, soulless, self-serving bean-counters who once would have wasted their talents at investment banks and brokerage houses can share their gifts with -- well, with whom?