In case you were starting to worry that all of this football and mixed martial arts crap was starting to jock things up around here again, don’t worry. The trailer for Zero Charisma has arrived and it reveals what could possibly be the nerdiest, geekiest, dweebiest wedgie fest yet, but with a very dark edge to it. Sam Eidson stars as Scott, a Dungeon Master whose Dungeons & Dragons role playing group needs some new blood, but when he invites the charismatic Miles to join the crew, Scott’s entire world crumbles down around him.

Chris Hardwick’s company is involved with distributing this because of course. Could we stop with the “nerd” self-flagellation already? Hardwick is on all the TVs and iPodphones, and D&D is no dorkier than fantasy football. Forget about high school and live your fucking life.

*spikes in neutron radiation are detected, a red hue forms and turns into the shape of the Great Space Heap Grethor!*

*incoming transmission*

Qaplah, Romulan coddling yIntagh terrans, it is He, The Mighty Feklahr! The Mighty One has reviewed this cinematic movie trailer, and can offer only this to “disenchant” the illusion of what pencil and paper role playing game sessions are truly like.

A. The group gathers at the apartment of the one guy that has a girlfriend. Why? So she can get drunk and act pseudo-nerdy slutty before she goes into the bedroom to watch Sailor Moon.

B. It takes an inordinately long time to smoke up real quick before the game begins. Invariably some asshat turns on the television whilst high and invariably it is a nature show and he and at least one other guy is like, “WHOA, THAT BIRD IS FLYING!”

C. Once everyone is FINALLY corralled and seated, there has to be “the guy” that wants to get drunk. If there is beer on hand, he will insist he wants to do shots. He will fucking whine and bitch and moan like a fucktard until someone takes him to the corner store (this guy never has a car).

D. The people at home get more stoned. The girlfriend comes out and sluts around, especially if it was her boyfriend that took the “booze guy” to the corner store. Acts out fellatio on bong.

E. Booze Guy gets back, he wants to get drunk and wants someone else to get drunk with him. Girlfriend does some weird shit like take a shot using her tits.

F. The Driver of Booze Guy wants to get re-stoned. For some reason this takes FOREVER.

G. Everyone is finally as fucked up as they want to be and seated, it is 3:30 AM. Those assembled get 5 goblins into the first cave before someone wants to go home. Then people start bitching that they want food.

H. The quiet fat guy who has done the most drugs (hiding pills/window pane/etc. from the others), is most ready to play, and has a paladin named “Kahless” strangles everyone, molests dead girlfriend, sets the apartment on fire.

This is why video games were invented, because fuck those guys.

end transmission

*neutron radiation spikes again as Grethor is surrounded by a red hue and then VANISHES.*