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Cheating Spouse Archive Search

Something to consider when you have run out of options on proving the innocence of your spouse. If you spouse WILLINGLY subjects themselves to a polygraph test, that should make you confident. Although I do not recommend this method, it's still an option for you if there are -cheap- lie detector test services around your area. When I say cheap lie detector, I do not mean the portable types that they sell as gimmicks. I do not believe in the accuracy of the cheap lie detectors nor would I put the fate of your relationship on it.

On that note I also don't believe in regular lie detectors, there are so many ways to beat a lie detector, one could research before taking a lie detector and study up on beating it. There's an old saying, which I have not verified if it's true or not, that taking an aspirin before the test will allow you to beat it. I will have to post a follow up article to this after I have done some research on ways your spouse could beat a lie detector test. I found an amazing site that is completely anti lie detectors. They sound like they are taking it a bit personal, but it's a good read and I suggest browsing their sites completely before you take any tests. Let me save you some time and tell you NOT to take the polygraph test.

Taking a polygraph test costs anywhere between $50-$400. When you find a local service, you better google them and do your due diligence. Check for their records at the bbb as well. I would not trust the cheaper ones(or the regulars ones), unless that is all you have as your option. Ask about the background of the lie detector operator, and what is his actual job. Interview them and ask multiple services and examples of their work. Check if they have any case studies or methods that they can prove their accuracy with. Ask them if it's scientifically proven (and since you did or will do your research before going to one, you'll know whether or not the lie detector operators are LYING to you).

Some reasons you should not trust lie detector tests

"Rule 707 serves the legitimate interest of ensuring that only reliable evidence is introduced. There is simply no consensus that polygraph evidence is reliable: The scientific community and the state and federal courts are extremely polarized on the matter." -http://www.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/96-1133.ZS.html

"When a well-trained examiner uses a polygraph, he or she can detect lying with high accuracy. However, because the examiner's interpretation is subjective and because different people react differently to lying, a polygraph test is not perfect and can be fooled."-http://science.howstuffworks.com/question123.htm

"Polygraph is more art than science, and unless an admission is obtained, the final determination is frequently what we refer to as a scientific wild-ass guess (SWAG)" -CIA polygrapher -John F. Sullivan

"...the theory and methods of polygraphic lie detection are not rocket science, indeed, they are not science at all." -Emeritus Professor, David T. Lykken (1928-2006)

"The so-called 'control' question 'test' polygraph is a technological flight of fancy. It is often used as a psychological rubber hose to induce confessions. Founded on lies, it spreads distrust while posing as the path to truth." -Emeritus Professor, John J. Furedy

If you really can't trust your spouse anymore because they cheated on you, seek marriage counseling or take a couples retreat. A lie detector won't gain that trust back for you. Worse, it may dig you an even deeper hole. See this girl's story attached below about how her spouse got her to confess she cheated on him with a common friend, and could not trust her again. Then they took a lie detector test in an attempt to mend that trust. She volunteered to take it because she said she was so confident she would make him eat the report! She failed the cheap($50 indicated on the post) lie detector test and they got divorced.

I took a lie detector test.My domestic partner and I have had some
issues and it came out that I lied about a sexual encounter that I had
with a common friend a couple of months into our relationship. I kept
this info from him and it took 18 months for him to finally get it out
of me and I confessed. Since then nothing I do or say has been
trustworthy to him and he does not know if he can ever establish trust
in me again. I suggested I take a polygraph test. I thought this
would be the best way for me to vindicate myself and show him once and
for all that I was telling the truth. I took the polygraph test and
felt totally at ease. We had to wait 5 days for the results. I was
so sure and righteous that I was going to make my boyfriend eat the
results.

3 questions were asked:

1) During my entire life did I ever have sexual contact with "A"

2) Since (month/year) did you have sexual contact with anyone besides
your current partner?

3) Since (month/year) did you have sexual contact with "B"?

The resultant answers were:

1 - Deceptive Response
2 - Truthful Response
3 - Inconclusive Result

I was totally blown away by the results. I have been totally truthful
and honest with my domestic partner since I confessed to him about the
meeting I had over 2 years ago. Since then it has been above board.

We both divorced for one another and it has taken it's toll on both of
us, clearly. Yes, we have seen counsellors and they have suggested
that we are both too filled with guilt to truly enjoy one another.

Read the whole thread here. If you still want to take your spouse to a lie detector test after everything I put together here, you should know the consequences can be severe. Lie detectors are handled by humans. Humans make mistakes. This is not like hiring a private investigator to catch your spouse cheating. With a private eye, they will actually give you VERIFIABLE proof that your spouse either cheated on you, or not. This lie detector test isn't even supported by the scientific community, so in essence you are just putting your relationship on the line based on what the person behind the lie detector is saying.

If you STILL insist on taking a lie detector test, here are some tips :

Do NOT tell the lie detector operator anything about yourselves so it won't let it affect his judgment on the current situation and questions.Both of you should take the test and get asked similar questions. Try to not let the operator pick up hints on why you are having the test, like who cheated on who. Don't mention anything, just hand over the questions you want asked.

Do NOT use a cheap portable lie detector, or online lie detector test. Voice lie detector tests, like the ones you see on TV, are also another gimmick with no science backing it up.

Do NOT take the results seriously.

Take multiple lie detector tests and compare results. Not saying this will make it more accurate, at least with multiple results you KNOW for a fact they are inconsistent.

Both of you should take the test twice, with different lie detector examiners each time you take it to compare the results.

The cost and value of this test is not worth the time nor money you will have to invest. If you want professional help in catching a cheating spouse, go for the PI. If you want professional help getting over your frustrations and guilt, take a couples retreat or go to a marriage counselor.

22 comments:

I passed it. My spouse was satisfied. But I feel degraded for having to prove I am not cheating because of a lie detector. Now he saw this site and is saying I BEAT IT ON WILL? What can I do to make him believe I am not cheating. God! I am a housewife with 2 kids AT HOME how could I cheat WHILE KIDS are home

I suggested both husband and wife take the lie detector test so you can see how inaccurate the results are.

It would make you trust the results less if it detects you as a lying about having an affair. It's really not a recommended method to get the truth out. It's even more effective just scaring your spouse by saying you'll make them take a lie detector test and see how they react.

Poster @5:52Sure, but please read the article. It's not accurate and should never be the basis of any breaking up/divorce decision.

my girlfriend won't take the damn lie detector test. i told her it's 100% accurate and that scared the crap out of her and now she won't take it. that makes me think she already knows she will just fail the polygraph results so what can i do to make her take the test or prove she lied to me?

Poster@6:45AMI'm not sure what you mean by "pure as she claims" but if you are referring to her having had any sexual partners in the past, then I think that is extremely narrow minded of you to base your marriage on whether or not she's been with other people.

Poster@11:25amYou'll need to do the canvasing yourself. Google "cheap polygraph testing *insert your location*" and google should give you the most relevant results. I would advice against any form of online lie detector tests. I don't support any type of lie detector tests, but you can be sure that any online one is probably a scam. Don't waste your cash on any polygraph testing.

Poster@9:33PMLike I said in the post and in the comments, lie detector tests are not accurate and is a waste of your money. As far as proving whether or not your girlfriend cheated on you, why not try out the other methods found on the cheating spouse guide? Lie detectors are a waste of your time, but I guess you found a bit of a hint as to whether or not she is cheating.

"scared the crap out of her" would make me believe she IS hiding something, but you can't be sure because that is not really a fact.

Look at the above example where the girlfriend was innocent(or claims to be), and then she volunteered herself to take a lie detector test. What happened? Because of this pseudo science saying she lied, they both got divorced.

Try out a different method, or go to marriage counseling, lie detectors should never be used on something serious.

Were the private investigators anyway connected to the lie detection service? I think they just wanted your money, because if you read the site I linked above, it completely disproves anything lie detection software/hardware claim to do.

Lie detector tests are phony. Not trying to be mean, but even if your wife failed the polygraph test it doesn't mean anything.

my bf thinks i have been cheating on him because of what people have been telling him but i know for a fact that i have never cheated on my bf. I am planning on marrying him in the near future and i volunteered myself to take the lie detector test to prove him wrong. I am trying to save our relationship and i hope i am making the right decision by taking the test so i can regain his trust in me.

Umm, did you read the example above? The same thing in the example happened, fiancee volunteer's to take lie detector test, lie detector test gives out inaccurate results, they break up their marriage.

If you want to save your relationship, why don't you take pre-marriage counseling, or try an online counseling alternative? That particular program was designed to rebuild trust and save marriages. It's designed for couples already married, but should help you with trust issues.

Do NOT waste your money on lie detector tests. Polygraph "technology" is not backed by anything scientific.

Girlfriend refuses to take lie detector test. I said it as a joke, but her reaction got me curious. Her eyes literally became big and she looked horrified at my request at a polygraph. I was half joking.

I want my boyfriend to take a lie detector test, but I'm not so sure anymore if it will help. Thanks for the advice but what can I do instead?

I have no proof, but I can just feel there is something secret going on with him and his friend. You know how people laugh about something and don't tell the third wheel what it's about? I feel just like that.

Poster@5:56amThat reaction tells you more than any lie detector test results can. Don't make her take the test, you might end up believing the results and make an important relationship breaking decision based on it.

Lie detectors are phony.

Poster@1:38pmYou can google "lie detector test service florida", but I wouldn't recommend it. Waste of money and time, they won't help you trust your spouse again.

Poster@8:44Have you tried explaining that to him? Tell him you feel like the third wheel in your relationship. Inside jokes are a sign of an emotional affair, you might want to do a little detective work yourself and check if they are overly talking to each other; ie, after work, secretly texting at night, etc.

I agree lie detectors are shams. BUT you don't need to pay for them to take advantage of them.

Just watch for the guilty responses when cheating spouses won't take a lie detector test.

They will spin the situation guaranteed and turn it into a trust factor issue. My hubby did that, I wanted him to keep babbling on so he'll have his foot in his mouth when I tell him I actually gpsed his car and know where his mistress lives.

Im having trust issues with my long time bf as far as I know he never cheated but had talkd to girls behind my back on myspace when it was knew so since then I really dnt trust him.... But now a few days ago I found a text draft that was suppose to be send to his cuzin talkin abt a girl they both know n that he will hit her up ... So I asked him who this chick is n he said he doesnt know n he never wrote that txt...how is that possible?? This is y I want him to tske a lie detector test

Well, if you read the whole article, I clearly am against lie detector tests. It's not going to prove anything because it's no accurate, you'll get a better shot at finding out the truth by telling him you want him to get a lie detector test and see how he reacts.

I doubt it would repair your trust if you do make him take a lie detector test, what if he passes? You'll still doubt him because you'll think the lie detector test is wrong because of what you found in his inbox.

What if he fails? You might do something drastic because the lie detector test results point towards him cheating on you. If you click the link up top to antipolygraph.org, you'll have MOUNTAINS of information disproving the effectiveness of lie detector tests.

Don't waste your money. If you are in a serious relationship, consider couples counseling or pre marital counseling. You could even ask him to install a cell phone spy that lets you read his texts to prove he isn't cheating (a bit extreme, but still better than lie detector tests)

Helpful Links

If you're 100% sure that your friend is cheating on their spouse, would you tell their spouse?

Would you sacrifice your happiness and stay in a disfunctional marriage for your children's sake?

Ways To Take Action

National Domestic Violence Hotline (US Only)
If your spouse is physically, sexually or emotionally abusive, or you know of someone who is being abused, talk to them and make them call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Government trained counselors will give you advice and help you select from all the available local programs you can join for dealing with domestic violence. Help is available in more than 139 languages. Don't be afraid to "out" your abusive spouse, especially if you are a man being emotionally abused.
http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/help-in-your-area/

Surviving Infidelity Forum
Vent your infidelity problems. This is another huge help in your recovery. Let others know of your problems, and how you've dealt with it, as well as listen to their stories. Our forum is moderated, and allows you to be anonymous. We don't tolerate spammers and flamers. Update 2014: Due to large amounts of spam, we've frozen both forums. It's almost impossible to keep up with the spam unless we get volunteer mods. You can still leave comments on either blogs.
http://howtocatchacheatinghusband.blogspot.com/p/forum.html

Join a support group
Alcoholics have alcoholics anonymous, victims of infidelity have anonymous infidelity support groups. Being a former attendee, and Mike being a former coordinator, we believe this to be a huge help in recovering from an affair. This is not only limited to Americans, search the list of countries here.
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/BAN/cities.htm