The Worst That Could Happen

A Comedy of the Ant and the GrasshopperA serious woman falls in love with a frivolous man and tries against all odds to hang on to her Greek-island hotel.

Proposed cast: Pierce Brosnan

Colorful carefree gigolo TOBY—the
grasshopper—comes to a holiday island with elderly but attractive
Beverly—and the owner of their little hotel, Friederiki, the ant, sees
immediately what he is.

Proposed cast: Juliette Binoche

FRIEDERIKI is serious, struggling, still
in black a year after her husband’s death. She doesn’t approve of
Toby—especially when Beverly dies in her sleep and he leaves the
arrangements to her.

No mourning for him—he takes nothing
seriously, not even death. With Beverly’s cards he cleans out her cash
accounts—and what the hell writes himself a check in her name. He’s got
to eat! But he can’t leave the island till the check clears so he
parks his money in the hotel safe and lingers.

We’ll have to count it, says
Friederiki. So they count it together and come up with different sums.
Let’s split the difference, he says. He takes nothing seriously, not
even money.

Proposed cast: Alan Rickman

ALDEN, a developer who has acquired
Friederiki's mortgage and is buying up the island, arrives at the hotel
and threatens to foreclose on her unless she makes good her arrears.

Proposed cast: Pamela Shaw

With him is his wife MARIE, patient and dutiful but she wants something better out of life, and soon realizes it’s Toby.

Proposed cast: Catherine Tate

Also with Alden are his niece and her
lover CLAUDIA (he’ll put a stop to that!). Claudia, butch and abrasive,
is the co-mother of his niece’s daughter Lisa, and snarls at Toby
whenever his gaze wanders to one of the women in the party.

Proposed cast: Eve Newton

When Alden tells fourteen-year-old LISA
he wants to take her away from her lesbian parents she accidentally
knocks him off a cliff and kills him.

At the desk Toby overhears Alden
threaten Friederiki with foreclosure and simply slides him over a stack
of cash. Keep the change. At this she weeps—and, well, it happens.
Her mourning is over.But not her problems. She must go to
Athens and get a loan to cover the mortgage, and leaves Toby in charge
of the hotel—a risky thing to do but who else is there?Bad enough the humiliation she suffers
trying to get a loan: the only creditor she can find requires that she
sleep with him—and then dies in her arms! Big help. But while she’s gone the worst that
could happen happens: a family feud, the hotel catches fire, a bulldozer
knocks some of it down—and Lisa accidentally kills Alden, which Toby,
her family and the villagers conspire to cover up. (Alden held several
mortgages.)Friederiki comes back to a
half-demolished hotel and police all over the place. Where’s the
body? Well—don’t order the mousaka.

And a seventh character is the tiny no-car island of Hydra.

The Worst That Could Happen is part of the "Toby" series, light charming international comedies. Foreign Matter is also set in Greece: