A friend was coming to get me to go somewhere so I started to get ready. While getting ready, I couldn't find the bra that I had gotten out so I got another one and put it on. Later, while standing close to the front door, waiting for her, I guess I felt something for I found the missing bra, hooked around my waist. - LBW

Hubby and I are on the Medifast diet, and eat their pre-packaged food most of the time. It was time for my mid-morning “snack” and I decided to mix and drink one of their powdered chocolate shakes. It’s so easy, I do it right at my desk at work. I had half of a bottle of diet Coke left, and thought, hmmm, it would be good made with diet Coke instead of water! Hubby makes them all the time in the blender.

So I measured out 8 oz. of diet Coke in my little shaker cup, poured in the powder, snapped the lid down and shook.

Diet Coke.

Shook.

Those two words don’t go together.

In about 10 seconds, I heard this little “burp” noise, and looked down. It had virtually EXPLODED all over me . . . my clothes . . . my desk . . . every piece of paper ON my desk . . . my bulletin board . . . EVERYWHERE!! It was so bad, all I could do was laugh!! I had to go home & change clothes, but I still can’t believe I DID THAT!!!!!

p.s. I didn’t lose the whole shake – and it WAS good with Diet Coke!!! Nancy in Houston

My Granddaughter was in my room while I was changing clothes, she asked me “ GranMa why do your Boobies point down?” I told her “ because GranMa’s Boobies are very, very old and I didn’t have thousands of dollars to make then stand up!” I also told my son(her dad) he needed to chip in on a boob job!........Debbi

So, the economy tanked and I laid off all my employees and didn't have much of a job. Since I hadn't lived here for very long I didn't have many friends either. I decided to get involved with this ladies group to fill up part of my days. Being the bossy organizer I am, I quickly moved in and began planning field trips and recruiting new members. A former client of ours had just moved in a few doors down. So, I got her on board and planned a trip to the Hawaiian Vanilla Farm for all of us...a nice tour then lunch. Since I had a large vehicle I was to pick-up the former client then the rest of the ladies. Even though I was a new member, I already had a reputation for being late...most of these ladies were retired and even 5 minutes late was not tolerated! Not knowing any of them very well, I was a little nervous so I started getting ready early and thought I had everything carefully planned out and thought out. Leaving the house right on time.....oh, but where are my car keys? Searching here, searching there, searching high, searching low....nothing, nada, zip! 5 minutes late. Next thought....it's my Husbands fault right, he's taken my keys! Call him up, nope!!! 10 minutes late. Now I'm really freaking out! Search the whole townhouse again top to bottom, this is a small place...still nothing. 15 minutes late. Now I have to call the former client that I barely know and ask her if she will be kind enough to drive all of these other ladies that I barely know and that she has never met. And now we're 20 minutes late!!! So we get in here car, get the other ladies, go the Vanilla Farm. After quite a bit of ribbing and teasing about being late, everything is wonderful. I’m in menopause and forget all about my keys. I return home and open the fridge to make my Husband his dinner and low and behold there are my car keys! Oh no, they aren’t in there by accident…I put them in there on purpose. An old trick I learned from Parents magazine when my boys were small, put your keys in the fridge with the baby formula so you don’t forget it…you can’t go anywhere without your keys. So, I had put them in there so I would remember to take my bottle of water with me when I left. Can you say, duh……Carri Pattison

I felt really pleased with myself that I'd actually remembered where I'd parked my car in a busy car park, but just as I was about to put my key in the door, I realised that there was a lot of stuff on the back seat that I just didn't recognise. Oh-ho! Wrong car, I thought to myself. I'm not falling for that one! As I walked away to look for my car, I looked back and thought, "Funny though. It's got the same steering wheel cover as mine". Then I realised that it actually was my car. And the stuff on the back seat that I didn't recognise was my stuff... Lyndsay, Hereford UK

While I was in the shower on a Saturday, my husband was out running errands and came back with sandwiches for lunch. When I came out of the shower, my son and my husband were eating, my sandwich was in the refrigerator. After I got dressed, and they were finished eating, I went to the kitchen to get my sandwich. There was a plate on the counter that was empty, so figuring I would have to wash one less dish, I used it to put my sandwich on and some chips. It was a good lunch, I ate the whole thing with the dog watching me intently. I brought the empty plate into the kitchen to put in the dishwasher. I noticed by the way I was holding the dish, that it was a little slimy – lightbulb – the dog helped my son finish his sandwich. Why didn’t I just put it in the dog’s bowl? EILEEN W., Cherry Hill, NJ

In my forties I had been a heavy hitter, running my own company juggling big name clients with ease. Needless to say as I hit my mid-fifities I started dropping a few balls. "I can't seem to multi-task like I used to." My daughter replied, "Mom, you don't multi-task at all any more...you mono task in tandem, poorly." Had to laugh. She's right! Sally Franz, author, "The Baby Boomers Guide to Menopause" Amazon.

Ever since I started walking in March of this year, I have tucked my cellphone in my bra and then when I get home I take it out and place it on my desk. One morning awhile back I was going to run to the store about mid-morning so I went to grab my phone and it wasn't on the desk. I looked everywhere for it in case I had left it in the kitchen or in the bedroom and finally used the house phone to call the cellphone. I heard the phone ring and it was nearby but it was kind of muffled. I turned around and looked under the cushions of the couch, but couldn't find it. I called again and it sounded like I was right on top of it.....then I realized that my bra was ringing! I had forgotten to take the phone out when I got back from my walk!.......Dee

Ok, just so no one thinks that post-menopause brings TOTAL relief from all the symptoms, let me present this as evidence. I am usually the "go to" person for how to cook PERFECT hard boiled eggs (because awhile back I heard Martha Stewart give some tips), so this is even MORE of a disaster. No one knows that I always have to remind myself that I have eggs cooking AND stay close to the kitchen because as soon as the eggs are at a full rolling boil, you're supposed to turn off the heat and put a cover on the pot.

Well, I DID remind myself and I sat down close by to wait the 3-4 min. it would take to start boiling, but then I went to my home office to check my email and got completely absorbed in something on the web until I heard these "popping" noises. I was puzzled, but kept on with what I was doing on the computer until I decided to go investigate where the noises were coming from. I was so looking forward to some deviled eggs, but now they're just "devil" eggs! You can't really tell from the picture, but one of the eggs was splattered all over my kitchen! Of course the pot is ruined too. I'm glad my grandkids weren't here to see this! LOL

My husband and I arrived at a resturant. He asked if I had the credit card and I replied, "I gave it back to you last night." He reached for his wallet and it was not there. He had forgotten it at home. I suggested I use my other card and then I tucked my purse under the seat to hide it away, so I could go into the resturant. I tend to always leave my purse in a restuarant. Anyway, come time to pay for the bill, I had to go back out to the car and retrieve my purse with my card in it! Then when we left I started walking out and guess...what? You got it....almost left my purse! Aargh! Can't wait till I get my brain back..or does that ever happen?? Jane"Just read the stories from readers. Loved them. I guess I am not going nuts after all. I have had so many Minnie Pauz moments its not funny. I really thought I was going crazy. I hate having such a bad memory. It was so good to read what other women are going through and how laughing at it helps. Does this ever get better, or are we gonna be regarded as "looney" the rest of our lives? Oh well, now I know this is just what all we women must go through I will try to laugh too. Sometimes thats all you can do. Anyways thanks for being there for this often times forgotten segment of our population. I will be returning to this site again and again. B.""I just finished reading the stories women have sent you. Boy, can I identify. Some made me laugh so hard I cried! And believe me, I really needed that "HRT." Thanks so much for the gift of laughter! Best wishes from a 3:30 am "flasher,"........Starr Belsky

Hi, well I do have my menopause moments, When the price of gas was high I went to fill up my car. I was ticked off because the price of gas had gone up again overnight. Anyway I grabbed the nozzle and I watch my tank indicator it barely moved as the fuel went in. I went in and paid for the gas and left. It hit me a while later that I had been watching the temperature gauge instead of the gas gauge. ReneeThis Christmas, my husband got me your book. "Laugh Your Way Through Menopause" and I laughed through the entire thing. Now I have to tell you a funny story that I saw a while back. Maybe you'll use it in your next book.

I pulled into the gas station one day and there was a line. A woman pulled up to the pump and got out of her car. She walked around the vehicle and then realized her tank was on the opposite side from the pump. Shaking her head all the way around the car, she got back in. I know, this is not so funny, but just wait!

She pulled around the pump. Again, she proceeded to get out of the car and walk around the vehicle. She then realized that her tank was again on the wrong side of the car. Shaking her head all the way around the car, she got back in.

She repeated the above again (yes, this is the third time) and again, was on the wrong side of the pump. Shaking her head....

The fourth time, she got it right. Do you think this was a menopause moment? (Definitely!! Dee)

Now, in my household, there are three cars. Mine is the only one that has the tank on the passenger side, so, when my husband borrows my car or I'm driving mine and pull up to the pumps, he is total confused, (he will say to me why are you going on this side?) but, I don't think when I'm not in the car, he goes to the above extremes. He is a guy after all and has no problem with menopause. Well, not directly any way!

This is a true account as recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota,Florida:

An elderly Florida lady (over 55) did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition; for the same reason, she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat!

She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why...A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale teenagers were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed. If you're going to have a Senior ("Minnie") Moment, make it memorable!

I was changing clothes in front of my 3 year old granddaughter, trying to be as discrete about it as possible, especially since her new interest is in the human body. Well she was pointing to my breast and asked,"What's that?" I replied, "Honey, that's my breasts." "well" she says, "They sure are long." That's a new one on me...Hanging on in Houston

The other day I noticed that it was time to give my dog a bath. Kato is a very large male Rottweiller, who weighs in at about 130 lbs. Giving him a bath is no small feat, and I needed my husband’s help. I had everything all set out and ready to go: tub of water, the garden hose, shampoo, and last, but not least, the chain collar so we could hang onto him. (he hates baths). I called my husband to come and give me a hand with the dog. He came over to the tub and in my menopausal state, I reached up and almost put the dog’s chain collar around his neck! Fortunately for me, he is very understanding and didn’t turn around and snarl at me!

I’ve been peri-menopausal for a while now, and constantly misplacing my eye glasses. But, one day my eye glasses really came up missing. I thought for sure I left them right on my dresser. We searched all over our house and yard and everyone else’s house and yard we knew, but never found the glasses. So, I went for an eye exam, ordered new glasses and still didn’t find my glasses. The doctor even assured me that now I would find the glasses, not! Well, about a year later my husband is out sorting our compost pile, and what do you think he found? My glasses!!! How they got there, I’ll never know.Thanks, Sharon C.

I have found that I can no longer "multi task",as my poor brain is not up to it! I put water in a saucepan,ready to heat up.Then,I picked up the electric kettle,filled that up,and put it on the electric cooker ring,to boil!Yeah.I know....I walked off to make the beds,and it was only the smell of burning plastic,that brought me back to the smokey kitchen,to prise the kettle from off the ring.Well,it came away fairly easily,but I was pulling gooey strands from the ring for days.And the smell!!!!!Ughhh With Love and Laughter......Annie

I was getting ready to leave for a business trip and had been watching television. I attempted to turn the television off by reaching behind me to the light switch on the wall. I keep swiping at the switch but couldn't understand why the television would not go off. Well duh, the remote was on the table right in front of me and the light was not even on! I just had to laugh and of course share this Minnie Moment with others.

This is actually a double moment. While reading everyone else's Minnie moments, I thought of one that happened to me today. Unfortunately, by the time I got to the place to enter it, I had forgotten what I was going to log!

I asked a coworker that was busy if he wanted me to bring him back something for lunch. When I got back, he asked me where I had put his lunch-I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to get something for him.......

I (easily) talked my girlfriend into going to see Menopause, the Play with me. I got the tickets; my girlfriend and I were pleased that the date was the next evening and we thought they were good seats. The next evening we got to the theater and were extremely pleased with the tickets as it put us exactly in the center of the front row - perfect seats. While sitting there, two ladies came in and said we were in their seats. No way! So we all examined all four tickets and sure enough, all four were for the same seats. We were angry that management would double book the same choice seats. We took them to the usher where the tickets were examined by him (notice, a male). Yep, all four were for the same seats - except the ones I got were for the next week! All four of us had looked them over carefully and missed that part !!!Nancy B.

I called the Cable company the other day to report a problem with my cable box., after a few minutes of pressing buttons, a live person came to the phone, he proceeded to ask what my problem was with my cable, not thinking clearly related to menopause I answered him saying my Maxi pad wouldn’t work, the technician was chuckling and I couldn’t figure out why until I hung up the phone with him. The correct name for my cable box is a Moxi receiver. I suppose I gave e him a good laugh for the day, because I sure laughed the rest of my day. Trying to stay cool in Dallas, NC......Robin C.

One day Marianne took her son and his friend (both teenagers) to the mall. Marianne pulls into a parking spot and goes in with the boys. As they are leaving and walking back to the car, she couldn’t find her car keys. Just as they approach the car she sees that the car is still running and the keys are in the ignition! She couldn’t believe that she did that and that her car was still there. What made me laugh even more was that the teenagers didn’t even notice that the car was running either when they got out of the car. What does this say? Young minds and older minds think alike, or NOT!!......Brenda S.

In the grocery store I have had a many a hot flashes. One time I was with my 14 year old DS, and began experiencing a HUGE ONE. I ran to the stand up freezers (where the ice cream is sold) and jumped inside.... A young stockboy about 20 ish came over and asked if I needed help getting something..I told him 'YA!, help getting through menopause!' He blushed and walked away and I didnt find my son until after I had checked out and went to the car. There he was , with his hands in his pockets and swearing he'd never go shopping with me again!

I had been picked up by a male coworker one morning and asked him to stop at the store for smokes. He pulled in......I got out.....ran in got my smokes....walked back outside and when I tried to get into the van found that he had locked the door!! I was cold and started banging on the window........I heard a click as the door was released and climbed in saying "Oh I am soooo glad you are enjoying my discomfort!!"............only to turn and be facing a woman who looked absolutely scared to death. I turned four shades of red and glancing up through her window noted my friend sitting there in his van....head down on the steering wheel laughing hysterically. I mumbled an apology to the poor woman in the van and jumped out. To this day I can still not figure out why in the world she LET me in.......??????? Maybe she was meno too and understood?? lol lol lol......Tania

One of my 'Minnie Moments' was when the kids and pets were bellowing to be fed..I feed the animals first and dish out "beef stew" for the kids. The youngest starts crying because she doesnt want to eat canned cat food, and you look down and see the cats are walking away with a very smug look on their faces!!!!

Brain Fog... I went into the kitchen for a small bowl of ice cream. Walk back to the computer roomand sit down and began to read some more on the internet. (It was one of those insomnia nights) some more . I was enjoying my little treat...and getting to laugh too, all of a sudden...I realized my lap was really getting cold for such a small bowl..DUH! I glanced down at my lap, here I had brought the WHOLE pail of ice cream with me and stuck my bowl in the freezer!

One night I had a craving for cereal. I walked into the kitchen and pour ed myself a bowl, added the milk..put the container and milk away in their rightful places, ...(I might add! very proud of myself here) , brought the spoon up to my mouth to take a bite and realized something smelled funny...here I had made myself a bowl of cereal out of DRY CAT FOOD ! (I was probably getting "paid back" for trying to feed my child wet cat food one time) ...(I have the dry food in containers like some of my cereal containers! and they were both sitting on the counter!!!)

I'm NOT even going to confess how many times I have done this...after driving to the stores..getting out of the car, standing in the parking lot, tell DD "Grab my cell phone outta the car".. but its not there..we rumage through my purse looking for it, and saying quite loudly, and in a strained voice... "All right which one of you kids grabbed the phone? DD starts laughing, Momma Look, it's in your hands!

We live overseas where the gas stove is heated by an external gas tank. One evening, we had a house full of guests visiting as they waited for supper to be served. I was putting the finishing touches on the buffet and realized the cake I was baking was going to be goo if the tank wasn't changed immediately so it could finish baking. I asked my husband to go out and change the tank for me. I completed setting up the buffet and all was ready to go, but I couldn't find my husband. Fortunately, he carries a cell phone, so I called frantically called him to let him know supper was ready, guests were waiting, and WHERE WAS HE??? He walked in laughing and reminded me that I'd sent him outside to change the gas tank two minutes earlier. .....Dee F., Taiwan

Last weekend I went downstairs to fill out some forms for my daughter's school. I go into the kitchen pour myself a glass of water and bring it over to the table with the forms. About a minute later, I realize that I will need my wallet and cell phone to get some info so go to get them, go to the fridge and pour myself a glass of water......again.....

Here is my "mental pause" story. At night I go to the bathroom to run my shower water and then I go to the bedroom for my robe. I come back to the bathroom, put my shower cap on and get in the shower. Well, this particular night I ran the water and put the shower cap on before going to the bedroom. I came back to the bathroom looking for my shower cap. Not being able to find my shower cap, I am blaming my son who was sound asleep because I told him earlier to clean up the bathroom and I figured he moved my shower cap. He never moves my shower cap. I looked through all the cabinets in the bathroom and everywhere I could possibly think it might be. I went back to the bedroom to get my spare shower cap, reached passed the mirror to get the other shower cap, tried to put it on my head only to realize I had the other one on. Just think, what kind of expression my son would have had on his face with me being irritated and asking him what did he do with my shower cap.......Debbie

I was at work in the middle of a "heated moment" wishing I had a fan when my eyes fell on the can of compressed "air" setting on my desk. I had just cleaned my keyboard. I picked it up and began "spraying" the canned air on the back of my neck - (it was wonderful by the way, add to it the can gets really cold when you spray the "air") - when my boss walks in my office. The look on his face was priceless! He left without either one of us saying a word and didnt come back for about two hours. I did go and buy myself some 'canned air' to keep with me all the time! .....Cynthia

Just finished reading Minnie Moments & I believe I have another for you if I can describe it accurately. This is one of those cases when a picture is worth a thousand words. Anyway, last Thursday, after a week of menopause insomnia, I drove to work. I work on a college campus and park in a large lot. It's summer session so the lot is mostly empty when I arrive shortly before eight. I took a short cut across the lot & neatly parked head-to-head in front of another car, locked it & went into work. About 30 minutes later, a co-worker came in and told me I'd parked between parking spaces and did I want her to watch the phone while I fixed it. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about, but grabbed my keys and went outside to discover I'd parked crosswise in one of the DRIVING aisles. ,,,,Liz S.,Topeka, KS

The other day I noticed that it was time to give my dog a bath. Kato is a very large male Rottweiller, who weighs in at about 130 lbs. Giving him a bath is no small feat, and I needed my husband’s help. I had everything all set out and ready to go: tub of water, the garden hose, shampoo, and last, but not least, the chain collar so we could hang onto him. (he hates baths). I called my husband to come and give me a hand with the dog. He came over to the tub and in my menopausal state, I reached up and almost put the dog’s chain collar around his neck! Fortunately for me, he is very understanding and didn’t turn around and snarl at me!…. Ina

Had my car keys in my hand so not to fumble in the parking lot. Got in the car started to look thru my purse, complaining that I can never find anything in there, then it dawned on me that I wasn’t looking for my keys I was looking for my sunglasses and the car was already running. Good gracious me......Debbie

My "Minnie Moment" has been happening alot lately. It seems when I am driving my car and heading into a deep curve, I hit the turn signal, left or right turn! Hopefully, "this too shall pass". .....Sandy

My sister and I are both going through menopause. We seem to jumble our words when we speak, especially when we are excited. So recently, we were on vacation and having a great time. We spent the day in the sun and we were dressed up to go out to eat, and she excitedly exclaimed, "Your spearings are arkling" What she meant to say is "Your earrings are sparkling"! Needless to say, we both practically wet our pants laughing so hard!

Arriving to work one morning in a sheek long black dress and jacket one of my co-workers just kept starring as I walked from my parking space towards the office entrance. She had stopped and just kept starring. As I got close enough to carry on conversation I asked her if something was the matter. She replied"uhah, I asked her what it was. She said there's something on your dress. I asked what?where? She just pointed to the bottom of my dress where there was a panti liner stuck to the bottom of my dress. I wondered where it had gone when I was getting dressed. After that embarrassing incident I always check the full length mirror before leaving the house.............Cynthia

Yesterday I went over to my Mom's house. I was telling her that I was reading your website the other night at 2:00 am, since I couldn't sleep (again). I told her about the 35 symptoms of menopause list that you have. I mentioned that I have about 12 of them right now. At the end of my story, I remembered that I told her all that a couple of days ago on the phone. At the end of my story, when I realized that I had already told her, I said, "Oh no, I've already told you that story. It's worse than I thought. Now I have 13 of the symptoms!".............Kelly

The guys at work are pretty funny - when it gets too warm upstairs in our building, they claim "Manopause"! They're so used to my brain cloud I walk through, going up the stairs, that they write everything down for me before I go up, so I can't forget a thing. I used to call it a "blond moment" because I'm blond so I can have as many blond moments as I like, but a customer renamed it a "Mental Pause" - I like that even better! Thanks to transdermal progesterone cream, I tell everyone that "Life Begins at 50!"..........Carol

You know, I'm a real big fan on breakfast.This one moring I wasn't very hungry so I got up and made some toast and butter.Hubby came out of the bedroom a few minutes later. Put the coffee on and made himself bread and butter. I said to him "holy dear why cant you eat a better breakfast then bread and butter?" He mumbled something and i bit his head off. As i sat there, it came to me. toast and butter, is the same as bread and butter. I didnt want to say anything thing, but hubby was looking at me and said this, "I Love you dear and I guess you're right, your breakfast is much better than mine, it was toasted.....hahahahhahaha." Thank God! he does understand the crazy way life will be for a few years.

I call it Menopause Fog. My husband enjoys hot sausage but I can only eat the mild. So I decided to distinguish the hot from the mild by putting toothpicks into the hot. Keep in mind that I only eat one piece of mild while my husband eats several. Putting one toothpick into the mild would have made more sense but not only did I put the picks in the hot, I also put the pick into the mild too. Duh!!!!!!!!!

Just yesterday I had to set all of our digital clocks due to a power outage, and I managed to set MY bedside clock one hour ahead of the rest. Sure was a surprise when I woke up to the alarm at what was actually 5:00 this morning insteaed of 6:00... Hubby got a good chuckle out of that one. --Linda--

I have to share a "minnie moment" with you. My daughter and I were shopping one day at a well known department store in Houston. Because I have dry mouth all the time to go with the hot flashes I will usually chew gum while out. Anyway the gum had reached its potential so I spit it out in a tissue from my purse and put the tissue back inside my purse. Later I went to the restroom. In my stall there was no toilet paper, so I used a tissue from my purse. Well, I must say it was quite a mess but I was minty fresh. - Patti -

I was changing clothes in front of my 3 year old granddaughter, trying to be as discrete about it as possible, especially since her new interest is in the human body. Well she was pointing to my breast and asked,"What's that?" I replied, "Honey, that's my breasts." "well" she says, "They sure are long." That's a new one on me.......Hanging on in Houston

I walked into my co-worker/girlfriend's office to discuss something work related. As I began to speak, she got this look of shock and terror on her face. When I asked what was wrong, she said, "I have to go home right away". I asked her what happened as she looked embarrassed. She said because the weather was so cold that morning, she put on a "pant slip" to be worn under her slacks. However, as I was talking to her, she realized that she forgot to put on the slacks and she had come to work wearing only the "pant slip". Luckily it was black and not sheer. We both began laughing uncontrollably due to her "Minnie Pauz" moment. She slinked out of the office hoping no one would notice her. --Linda--

I read your site with delight! I work in a bank so I have to wait for someone else to come so I can enter the bank. I usually listen to a christian program while I'm waiting and then hop out when they come and enter the bank. Imagine my surprise when I went out four hours later and the radio was still blasting. I left the car on with my keys in it and the radio was playing away! God help my brain.----Mary

"One day I was scrambling in my purse looking for my cell phone - while I was talking on my cell phone. I frantically pulled out my wadded ball of Kleenex, an old lipstick, my wallet, my sunglasses case and my glasses case before I said to the other person, "Hold on, I can't find my cell phone." Marty Meitus, columnist for the Rocky Mountain News

Last year I went to the grocery to pick up a roast for dinner. That was all I needed, one piece of meat. When I got home, I had my head, my purse, but no roast. I had paid for it and left it on the check-out counter. I like the Jimmy Buffett line--"If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." Judy Paley, M.D. www.femailhealthnews.com

A couple of years ago, I spent two weeks with my mother while I was in the process of moving back to Illinois from Houston. It was the middle of winter in Chicago and my mother was starting to have pretty regular hot flashes. I was scrambling to drum up some business in Chicago, so I was spending a great deal of time on her computer between looking at apartments. Toward the end of my stay, her hot flashes became so regular and so severe that she would open every door and window in the house. It got so cold in the house that the computer monitor actually began to fog up on me, making it impossible to get anything done. Not to mention it's pretty difficult to type with mittens on. It's been a couple of years now and my mother is back to normal (well, for her anyway). But my stepfather and I always get a good laugh about it when she complains about the temperature.

After a decade together my husband didn't have a nick name for me, now he calls me "Flash". It's kind of fun to see the look on people's faces when I turn BRIGHT RED from head to toe while doing nothing to cause it!!!!!!!!

After reporting to police that my car had been stolen, I had gone to Rent-a-Car, so I could drive to work that coming Monday morning. On my way back from the place...what did I spot, but my forlorn little car, sitting in front of the beauty parlor, where I had left it (and walked home from instead of driving it home....duh). Just imagine, my horror at what I had done. Im still shocked that I did it. The worst part, was calling the police back again, and having to tell them, what I had done...Not to mention...the insurance company!....God help me

I was going to be outside mowing the grass, and since my husband calls me during the day, I wanted to leave a message on our answering machine letting him know what I was doing. My cell phone was in my car in the garage. I went to my car, leaving the back door of the house open, and dialed my home phone number. Suddenly I heard the phone ringing inside the house. I jumped out of the car, ran inside and answered the phone!! I even got angry because SOMEONE hung up after only one ring. I then went BACK out to my car to call me again! When I began dialing my number, I realized what I had done. I just sat in my car in the garage and laughed and laughed.

One night I awoke to a very cold and wet face. The headboard of the waterbed was right up against the window. When I got up, I saw a fine dusting of snow on the headboard and more was being blown in by the fan that was in the window and turned on. I turned the fan off, took it out of the window and when I tried to shut the window I couldn't because it had frozen in the open position. I had to get my hubby to close the window.

My sister-in-law was having night sweats and insomnia really bad. One night her husband in a half awake state and of course no glasses on, he said he was suddenly aware of a whooshing sound and could see red lights flashing as he looked towards his wife's side of the bed. He tells it like this "as I slowly woke up more, I realized Louise was fanning herself which made a whooshing sound and the red lights popping on and off were the numerals on the digital clock that he could see intermittently in between the waves of the fan.

A few weeks ago, a motor officer pulled me over. He's explaining to me that I went straight into an intersection instead of turning right in the right-turn only lane. I'm listening to what he's saying, but cannot figure out what the heck he's talking about. While he's writing me the ticket ... I'm thinking that I'm loosing my freakin' mind. When I signed the ticket, I asked the officer to take me to the intersection and show me what I did wrong because I couldn't get it. As it turned out, he's the one who made a mistake. I wasn't where he thought I was. He took the ticket back!

My high school aged son was in a soccer tournament. Between games, I took a whole vanload of soccer players to the restaurant to eat lunch. Another mom drove her van load and followed us over there. When we parked next to each other there was a lot of chaos as we got all the boys out of the vans and secured their equipment in the car. We all headed inside and enjoyed a nice leisurely lunch. As we walked out of the restaurant, I was fumbling in my purse trying to find my car keys. I couldn’t find them anywhere. Just then my son came running back to me with the keys in his hand. He said, “MOM, you left the keys in the ignition……….and the sliding door wide open…………………AND the car was still running!!!!!!!!

Every year at christmas is hectic at my house. This last christmas however was a real mess. I had several over for christmas.{ no big deal.} Chirstmas eve is my biggest night to wrap presents and it seemed like I was missing some presents but I thought no I'm just imagineing it, We started opening presents and the whole time I'm passing out gifts it seems like some are missing.Well after all is done my step daughter looks at me and ask if I had missed a Charm for my step granddaughter. It finally dawns on me that I had in fact forgot a charm for her and my daughter. Well later on that day after dinner my two younger boys were playing and making alot of noise. When all of a sudden I remembered two presents that make alot of noise that were forgot for them.I hurried and wrapped them. I had to cover up by saying santa was playing hide and seek on them. Well two days later my husband found two more presents for my daughter and older sons in the tool box of our truck.He just laughed while I cried. I am now know as the mom with brain farts.

My sister was making a presentation to a room filled with her co-workers, she was standing on a low stage at a podium, showing slides and reading off and on from the notes in front of her. All of a sudden, she could feel this humongous bead of sweat starting to roll forward toward her forehead under her hair. She didn't know what to do, because it felt like a one-gallon bead of sweat rolling down there. So, she did what any normal menopausal woman would do. She froze, she couldn't talk, couldn't move. For about thirty long seconds, she didn't say a word and could see everybody out there leaning over to one another in their chairs asking each other "what's wrong with her"? She said she absolutely could not think of ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT BEAD OF SWEAT, and she just knew what was going to happen - it was going to roll right down her forehead and all the way down her nose and plop right on the papers in front of her. When she told me this, I just cracked up and laughed until I about fell off my chair.

I was helping my mother move a cabinet across the room in her lounge to another location behind the couch. All went smoothly, we moved it with no difficulty. When we tried to position it behind the couch by moving it along, it suddenly got extremely heavy and just wouldn't budge with any amount of effort. We then realised that we were both pushing instead of one pushing while the other pulled. Well, we laughed so hard......

I'm with a friend, whom I've just met. We are driving back to her place. As I'm heading down the road she says "you need to turn here" I say why? Because I live here!! Well, I thought I was taking her back to my place. Only problem is the place I was heading I haven't lived in for two years!! Oh, well all turned out well, and I eventually got back to where I really live.

I was attending a public meeting in a church hall. Per my usual, I could not leave the facility without visiting the rest room. Having collected several fliers, I placed them under the extra toilet paper roll on top of the toilet while I accomplished my task.

Upon completion, I took my papers and exited the rest room, stopping to say good-bye to a table full of friends. When I reached my car, I met another friend and she asked me for something I had stored in my purse. I was initially flustered because both hands were full and I couldn't remember what I was holding. When I looked down, one hand held my papers, the other was holding the extra roll of toilet paper from atop the toilet tank!!! We both laughed and laughed. The toilet paper roll was returned to the church!

I bought a bottle of herbal memory tablets to assist my not-as-good-as-it-used-to-be memory - that was a couple of years ago. I keep forgetting to take them.

On Monday I went to my exercise club with two different aerobic shoes on. On Tuesday I forgot it was Halloween. I had to go to the store and buy candies at the last minute. On Wednesday I forgot my dentist appointment. On Thursday I forgot to go to my women's group. On Friday I forgot which car I was driving. On Saturday in class, I forgot a word when my teacher called on me. On Sunday I forgot to do the laundry. Why can I never forget to eat.

After a week of holiday company, I woke up at 6:30 feeling rested and ready to start the new week with gusto! I fixed my first cup of coffee for the morning and turned on the computer and the tv, but instead of the usual morning shows, there was a football game on one station and a movie on another.....very strange for a Monday morning! Then I noticed the date on my computer..... it said "Sunday, Nov. 25". I immediately changed it to "Mon. Nov.26" and made a mental note to ask someone what could cause the date to not change on my computer. Then "60 Minutes" came on TV and it finally hit me that the time was 6:30 PM Sunday evening instead of 6:30 AM Monday morning, and I had just awoken from an afternoon nap and lost all sense of time! (oh yes, I set the computer clock back to the proper day) heheheh.......this from your humble host, Dee :)

I was sweeping up around the litterbox located in the laundry room! The full dustpan is USUALLY emptied back into the litterbox which is then scooped clean and replenished as needed. On this particular occasion, the dustpan was quite efficiently emptied into the washing machine. My first response was SHOCK, manifested in a kind of whimper. Then I proceeded to pull out the mini-vac in order to complete the laundry detail. I continue to be amazed at how easily two distinctly different tasks can become so "enmeshed". In fact, that term could well apply to this sort of dysfunction.

I remember my first hot flash at work. Picture this: middle of winter in Minnesota, snow 4 feet deep. I worked in a small office with 2 other women a few years younger than I. I kept getting up to go to the "bathroom" but they evidently heard the outside door closing. On one such trip, I happened to look up and saw them watching me out of the window as I was stuffing snow down the front of my blouse!

Not too long ago, I reached into the pantry to obtain the flour canister to fry a chicken and discovered a 1/2 gallon container of curdled milk that upon studying about it for the rest of that day, had to have been in the pantry for almost a week!

I started to apply hand lotion and took off my wedding ring and put it in my mouth. Immediately I reached for the lotion bottle, and was DISMAYED to see my wedding ring missing from my finger! I looked all over the chest of drawers, in the floor, went into the bathroom and looked on the counter, and then into the mirror---and THERE it was, right in my mouth where I had put it SECONDS before!

Just recently while going to a gas station to purchase gas for the car that I have had for 5 years, I could not remember which side the gas tank was on. I had to get out of the car to have a look.

I'm a JHS English teacher and I was running a few minutes late to class. I rushed into the teacher's room, got my teaching materials all ready : books, xeroxed tests, chalk and so on, raced out of the room and into the classroom... settled the kids down and got them ready for the BIG test, only to discover that all the junk that I put aside were in my hands and the "teaching stuff" that I needed was all left in the teachers' lounge.

Hang in there .. I can't see anything wrong with calling a washer a "plastic O-ring thingy" anyway! That should be their REAL name :)

My husband and I had an evening of intense passion and when I woke up the next day, I couldn't find my estrogen patch anywhere. I changed it as prescribed, twice a week, like clockwork and had never misplaced or lost it. I went to the bathroom, to grab another patch (my kids say there are times I should wear two or three!) and climbed back in bed. Imagine my horror when my husband got up to shower and my patch was stuck on his back!! Needless to say, he had a shower partner that day and seemed to enjoy having his back lathered up! It still cracks me up to think that he might have walked around all day with female hormones coursing through his veins!! I am divorced now but remember this story as one of the more fond memories of my marriage!!

I'll never forget the time she told me of going outside in 0 degree weather and having steam coming off of her during one of her severe "flushes". This was in the middle of the night too.

As a middle aged clergywomen, "hot flash in the pulpit" has a new meaning. Yea for the fan under the pulpit.

The other day I was about to put the bottle of 409 in the refrigerator.

Walking through the house removing clothes with sweat pouring - our kind of strip act.

The idea of me having no more eggs was interesting, I mean, where did they go. Does that mean I only started off with 396? Had I known that, I would not have broke so many.

I was standing out in the cold rain the other day and the thought went through my head...where's a hot flash when you really need one?

Living in the mountains.......when they say menopause means you're going over the hill now- ole gal! Which one do they mean?

I stopped at a traffic light, the car behind blew the horn, I had stopped for a green lite. Ahhh, sweet Minnie Pause!

I've actually seen myself accidentally in a store mirror-wall that I hadn't known about......recognized the JACKET--or sweater, whatever....and THEN realized that the face/hair/body looked vaguely familiar, too.....oh, well!

Having a cold blooded significant other with poor circulation ----he really relies on those hot flashes to warm him up at night. Of course his "cold hands" on my back are a welcoming touch as well.

With hot flashes here in the west coast rain forest you can get wet both on the inside and outside of your rain gear!!!

During my job interview today, I "surged" and fogged my glasses . . . guess its time to try one of those products that prevents mirrors from fogging in a steamy bathroom!