Archive for f’n strum

The army needs someone to deal pure buds of awesome. Toke ’em if you got ’em. This highway man has seen everything there is to see in life. Yup, Johnny Potseed has been planting golden ballads across this land for nearly an eternity. He’s rocked the male pig tails long enough that it’s gone in and out of style three times. Yes, this is one of the downturns, but look out in 2014. The facial whiskers have attracted many a dame back to his love bus. If the word awesome could be strummed, this is the man who could make it sing. He gave us a river full of whiskey. So we’re giving him a Ritual shaving kit. Willie, look out for it at your next tour stop. And I know it’s good … but please don’t smoke it.

SALUTATIONS.

Ritual Men's Grooming is tired of all the whiny, wimpy, nonsense that's infiltrated our minds and dexterity. It's like we've all surrendered to a matrix made of mouse shit. Sho-nuff! It's time for us to recruit an Army of Awesomeness. A team of grit and brawn that will build towers and defeat all forms of sucktitude and pussification. They will come in all shapes and sizes of awesome. They will dedicate their time on earth and other galactic planets to saving us by strengthening our thoughts and infusing power in our posture. Without worry, they will ... Shave The Day.
If you think there's somebody we should recruit to the Metal and Brawn Army of Awesomeness, please email us a mighty message from your pudgy yet thorough fingers to theguys@yourritual.com. We'll put them to the test of Awesome to see if they got what it takes. Godspeed.