When you realize your non existent child will never have a college fund because your savings went to IVF.

My egg retrieval was this past Friday, February 5th. All went according to plan and I survived! This being my second egg retrieval, I was far less anxious, and I was even looking forward to that drug induced nap. Seriously, going under is kind of awesome.

I’m probably the most annoying drugged up patient. When I got rolled into the OR I remember talking and talking and talking and then I was out. The doctor probably asked the anesthesiologist to, “give this chick a little extra so she shuts up.” ( Next time they will probably put me out before I even make it into the room). I would be interested to know exactly what I was saying. Hubs told me that when I was coming to that I kept saying how good I felt and was asking if I could have some more. I do remember I kept asking the nurse the same two questions because for the life of me I could not remember what she said! She told us we had gotten 11 eggs, but I kept saying 13. We got 13? No honey 11. 13? No 11. I remember before my retrieval a girl came out of her own harvest and I heard them tell her she had 13 eggs. That makes sense now… hahaaaaa. Hubs also told me that while I was coming to I kept trying to talk but all that was coming out of my mouth was “djfhkdejeroijdfdekjen”. Oh and when hubs told me he loved me in my ear while I was still asleep a tear came from my closed eye and streamed down my cheek. I guess I can be sweet and cute when I am unconscious. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up!!

I like to think of an egg retrieval as picking apples from an apple tree. My ovaries are the tree producing these beautiful, juicy apples. The apples are all my little follicles. The doctor is the apple picker. He is in charge of taking his apple picker tool thingy and plucking each apple gently, one at a time, off of the tree. Making sure not to bruise or drop the apple on the ground he gently places the apples, individually, into his bag or test tube in this case. Then the magic happens!

Results thus far:

11 eggs retrieved >>> 5 more than last time! Which is a significant amount.

9 mature

9 fertilized! >>> I guess Hubs and I really like each other. Fertilization does not seem to be our issue- last time all of our eggs fertilized as well.

We will find out today if the other 2 eggs matured and fertilized. The embryologist will try and mature eggs that aren’t fully there yet after they have been retrieved in the lab… who knew! I think this makes our clinic pretty cutting edge since our last clinic did not do this. It’s cool because they give every egg a chance! Crossing fingers and toes that we have more good news today xoxo

What I think to cheer myself up when I get my unwanted period.

Here we are, right in the midst of our second IVF cycle. I don’t really know if this is considered our second because we banking eggs at this point. What constitutes a full IVF cycle? Whatever. All I know is right now we are here. We decided to do two egg retrieval’s back to back so that we could bank as many eggs as possible since eggs are the issue. I can already tell a huge difference from this cycle from the last- and I’m not just talking about the decrease in meds, but the length of time I am taking them. I have been doing shots for almost 3 weeks. July of last year when we did our first IVF I did not have any side effects, other than being extremely tired. This time around I just don’t feel “good”. I am tired. I am short. I just feel off. I am taking this as a good sign that my body is liking whatever the doctor is prescribing.

Low down of our “IVF Plan”:

On meds now. Egg Retrieval will be sometime the first/second week of February depending on how my body is responding to the meds. Praying they get an abundance of healthy eggs. Eggs will be fertilized and sent out for genetic testing. Whatever eggs are genetically normal will be frozen.

After my egg retrieval they will give me a shot- oh joy another shot- of progesterone to make sure I get my period.

After good ol’ aunt flow shows I will start meds again and have another egg retrieval sometime in March, hopefully. They will harvest my eggs, fertilize, send out for genetic testing, and whatever eggs are genetically normal they will freeze.

Then I will let my body heal. And if you mean heal by going to a music festival and drinking lots of booze, dancing my ass off, and staying up until all hours of the night, then yes, heal. My downtime just so happens to land during one of my favorite music festivals. Who planned that? This is my last hoorah before I get knocked up! Anyways, back to the point. I will let my body recover from all the stimulating meds and then I will start the meds for a an embryo transfer.

Next, embryo transfer. In our case we will hopefully have one healthy boy and one healthy girl embryo to transfer. The joy of doing genetic testing is that we will know the sex of all our little embryos. We will be transferring two, to increase our chances of success.

Finally and hopefully a positive blood pregnancy test!

I do have to say I am way more confident and have less anxiety this time around. Maybe it’s because there is not the looming pressure of an embryo transfer. Or because our doctor is a million times better than our last. All I have to focus on right now is growing eggs. I have been working out as normalish as I can. I cut my workouts down to three days and week I have had to lower my weight since I am not allowed to lift more than 20lbs. Do you know how hard that is? My precious puppy weights 25lbs. I have been taking all my antioxidants to help my egg quality. I have been doing my Circle and Bloom meditations.

We had our first appointment last week for my baseline ultrasound. I couldn’t believe it. I had 13 follicles!! Lucky 13! And this is before any stimulation meds. For me this is 3 more than I have ever had before naturally (I have low AMH). Obviously I have been doing something right with my body. I am not getting my hopes up just yet though because I know this rollercoaster. Just because I have 13 follies it doesn’t mean they all have an egg. But, this is a great start!

I used to do this thing called LOL Thursday and I just love it. What a perfect day to start blogging again after a year… it’s Thursday. And I love to laugh. And I love funny shit. And I love to joke about infertility because why not? Why sooo seriousssss…. So here it goes first LOL Thursday in a year!

Women who get pregnant the first month they try.

I can’t believe it has been a whole year (and a little more) since I wrote my last blog post or have visited this site. I think I needed a little break from the infertility community. Not that I don’t love and appreciate each and every woman I have met and connected with, but I felt like all this energy was going into being “infertile” and I really needed to focus on being fertile. I finally feel back on track with life. So with a little push from friends I decided it was time to get back on the blogging train. I really do want to document this journey so that when we do kick infertility in the face and my children are old enough to understand how badly they were wanted and why mommy got so fat and gross, I can share this journey with them. So lets recap what has been going on. If you haven’t gotten your lifetime ear full of infertility shenanigans yet and you care to know what has been going on in the life of R Lee T, read ahead. Or don’t. I don’t care.

We got a puppy last January! I told my husband 2 years ago, “if we are not knocked up by January (2015) we are getting another dog!” So as the year went by and January came again, it was time to get that puppy, because no baby. I would like to introduce you to our French Bulldog, Pierre Louis Tieman. He is now 1 year old. He is my little angel puppy. Hopefully I get pregnant soon because I don’t know how many more puppies my husband can take.

Pierre with his big sister Dorie

We decided to do IVF in July. Long story short: We FINALLY found out what the underlining issue was for us not getting successfully pregnant. (it only look 5 failed cycles of clomid and fermera, 2 failed IUIs, a new doctor at a different clinic, and 4 years). I have low AMH. If you aren’t familiar with this, get familiar. If you have been diagnosed with “unexplained infertility” make sure they test your AMH. It basically means my eggs are shit and my 30 year old body is more like a 45 year old. We got to a transfer, but for whatever reason our embryo did not want to implant. Another failure. (I will be writing a blog post solely on this experience).

My Mom’s got hitched after 32 years! It was one of the best days ever. How cute are they?

I turned 30. Fuck.

The last thing I remember from that night.

We went to Hawaii for my birthday and my Mom’s birthday. It was great. We really needed a vacation and some time to just be. Be silly. Be spontaneous. Be normal.

I got my shit together. AKA my body. I have been using infertility as an excuse to why I haven’t worked out in 4 years. We all know it is very hard to stay/get motivated in that department when you are pushing hormones and emotions through your veins constantly. But, I got to tell you. This is the best I have felt in 4 years. My body is stronger and more ready for a baby than ever.

Shameless selfie time. My hard work. It may not be perfect. But it is mine and I am proud of the work I have done to get this baby maker back on track.

So much more happened this last year, but these are a few of the big moments. And that brings us here. Now. “A thousand disappointments in the past cannot equal the power of one positive action right now.”