Newsflash to moms and the future moms of America: your kids are going to think you're lame. If you listen to Elton John, they will find that humiliating; if you try to listen to Rihanna or whatever hovercraft riding band is hip in 2023 to be a "cool" mom, that will be doubly humiliating and exponentially lamer. According to clinical psychologist Stephan Poulter, more and more mothers are attempting to wear Juicy sweatsuits and rock out to Pink — Poulter believes that 30-40% of modern mothers want to be their child's best friend. Mom-as-BFF is a recipe for disaster, says Poulter in his new book, The Mother Factor: How Your Mother's Emotional Legacy Impacts Your Life. "One tragic one is Lindsay Lohan. Her mother is out drinking with her," Poulter explains to Reuters. "Now she's been in and out of rehab and arrested twice. What kind of role model is she getting? Look at Paris Hilton too. Same story."

Chris Rock's mother, Rose, who raised 17 children in total (10 of her own, 7 foster kids) also just released a book called Mama Rock's Rules: Ten Lessons for Raising a Houseful of Successful Children, agrees that being your child's friend is a huge mistake. "It is a new thing that everyone wants their children to like them but parenting is not a popularity contest...I don't need to be a 12-year-old's friend but I do need to be their protector, guide and warden. This is just a cop out."

Advertisement

Advertisement

I'm always sort of icked out by my friends who shared sex talk with their moms — like really? Your mom needs to know about your inability to orgasm? Mostly it's gross because then it leaves the door open for your mom to tell you about her sex life. Is there ever a situation in which a mother can be her child's best friend in a non-destructive way? Or does it all turn into a Dina Lohan-grade mess?