Alien: Covenant breaks horror contract with snooze fest

Alien: Covenant is as empty as space. There is nothing to it. There are no scares. There are no surprises and there are no characters you’re sad to say goodbye to. It’s not horror enough to be a good cuddle film, and it isn’t sci-fi enough to spark a conversation or to stay with you even out in the theater lobby. In short, this film is a weak, cliché story that provides less than anything else in the franchise has offered. (I’d say maybe that’s what happens when you put a sequel to a prequel, but Rogue One would disprove that.)

Even for someone who is not very familiar with the franchise, Alien: Covenant is a sterilized, low budget writer film with nowhere to go and far too much time to get there. When you arrive, the payoff is sadly lacking. There were points where the film could have made a turn. It could have argued Faith vs. Science, but instead it left that thread dangling with an incompetent and insecure captain. That may be the biggest theme that it touched on, but it never developed it.

​The horror genre relies on building tension and surprise. When you know what’s coming, there is no tension and no surprise. The hardest part is that nothing really stands out. You’re better off waiting for the next big tent pole or going to see Guardians of the Galaxy again rather than watch this snooze fest.