Case Number 17809: Small Claims Court

Pale Force

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All Rise...

Judge David Johnson finds this release to be a pale imitation of comedy, but a perfect imitation of crap.

The Charge

Extraordinary valor, matched with freakish pallor.

The Case

This series of animated shorts aired on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
and was somehow nominated for a Daytime Emmy. It stars comedian Jim Gaffigan as
the voices of the "Pale Force," a superhero duo that consists of Pale
Man, the muscle-bound Alpha male, and his sidekick Conan, the equally pale
little twerp who no one seems to respect.

Each micro-episode sees the Pale Force engaged in such wacky misadventures
as a Law and Order spoof, a pale
pageant, and a battle against global warming. There are also special
installments, like the Christmas show and the two-parter where Conan is in a
coma and no one seems to care. This tomfoolery continues on for 84 minutes, to
varying degrees of success, ranging from "no success" to "the
farthest thing away from success."

I like Conan O'Brien, but this drivel is not worthy of him. Pale
Force is sad, unfunny crap that sports as many laughs as a thyroid cancer
diagnosis. You can expect lots of pop culture references (Larry Bird is the
chairman of the Pale Council! Get it?!), some piss-poor celebrity
impersonations, and one joke beaten over and over and over until its lifeless
corpse is reduced to nothing more than a stain.

That one joke? Here it is: Jim Gaffigan is awesome and Conan O'Brien is a
weakling. Now I can see how that would play on Late Night, feeding right
into Conan's effective brand of self-deprecating humor. These Pale Force
episodes, spread out over time, should work moderately well with an audience
clamoring for the show's host to get harpooned (that doesn't excuse the
peripheral attempts at humor from being hugely pathetic). But all of them in a
row? Awful. Amazingly, relentlessly, profoundly awful. That one joke
overstays its welcome in the second episode and its very presence simply
bolsters the unflinching hate for this animated abortion that burned white-hot
in my gut after minute ten.

Seriously, Pale Force sucks balls. Don't waste your time.

If, however, you are intent on wasting your time, the DVD isn't bad. The
episodes look fine in their 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfers, sporting a
2.0 stereo mix. Extras include Gaffigan's Conan appearances, a deleted
scene—which, surprise!, isn't funny—and a look at the rough
animation.

The Verdict

Guilty. You know what will darken our heroes' complexions? The electric
chair.