Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Slow Jimsmash week so far, so I thought I'd post about the upcoming BLADE TV Series on Spike. Here's a pic of the TV Blade. Personally, I'll probably skip this one. Besides the fact I rarely watch television nowadays, the series just doesn't interest me. I think I have a pretty good idea of what it'll be like, too. And do we really need a Blade TV series? Live action, no less? Blade 1 was cool... Blade II was more like a freaky horror film, which I liked (despite the lame vampteam)... and Blade III.... well, we go into that.Anyway, here's TV Blade.

Do you know why everyone in LA has a script they are trying to sell, but can't seem to catch a break? Because the same shit keeps getting produced by the same people. Case in point - Warner Bros has picked up the prehistoric "epic" 10,000B.C. Directed and produced by ROLAND EMMERICH, this flick will chronicle the journey of a young tribal mammoth hunter, played by Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, at the dawn of Modern Man. Emmerich is known for such stellar films as Godzilla, ID4, The Day After Tomorrow, The Patriot, and the upcoming King Tut. So you KNOW this is going to be great.

The original 1969 ITALIAN JOB, starring a young Michael Caine. Man, they just don't make movies like this anymore, which is a crying shame. Forget the embarrassing "remake" a couple years ago and go rent this movie! Michael Caine is great and the story, directing, everything, kicks ass! Caine and his crew takes on the mob, the police and gridlocked traffic of Turin to rob a heavily armed shipment of gold bullion. It's Ocean's Eleven (orig) meets old school James Bond meets......something (haven't had my coffee yet, sorry). Plus the MiniCooper chase scene is great! If you haven't seen it before, or haven't seen it in awhile, go rent it sometime. Like I said, they just don't make movies like this anymore.

Monday, January 30, 2006

We saw UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION saturday night. This will be a quick review as I'm just too damn tired and unmovitated this monday.

First off, I really liked Underworld 1. It was a very low-budget comic-style movie of Modern Day Werewolves Vs Vampires. Most people either loved it or hated it.If you didn't like the first one, don't see the 2nd.Overall, the movie is pretty bad. However, there's alot of cool fun stuff in there; more good than bad, element wise. The first 15minutes is freaking awesome; ancient vampires in battle armor battling werewolves in the snow. That was worth the price of admission. The first 1/4 of the movie is pretty good. The 2nd 1/4 drops down a peg at the weird awkward soft-core porn scene. Whuh??? At the midway point of the film, it begins to drop down in quality where the plot starts to wobble. The last 1/4 of the movie, the train wrecks and there are no survivors. Seriously, the ending they totally blow it and I was laughing my ass off where I should have been going "Fuk yeh!!!!". Oh well.

Worth a rental, possibly a matinee viewing. But know going in its not as solid as the first one and in the end, the movie is just a fun, bad entertaining ride. Although, Jason thought it was "on par with Van Helsing". No way, not nearly THAT bad.

Why does God hate me?Fox studio head Tom Rothman has stated that AVP2 is a go and is planned for release in 2007. I would go into it more, but that would cause my anger levels to rise so much, only mass carnage and my head exploding could result. Instead, below is my review I wrote on Netflix for AVP1. JIMSMASH!!!!-------------------------------------------------------------------Abysmal. Absolutely abysmal!! This movie was so horrible, my emotions were overloaded, went into lockdown and I was unable to be angry (which I was after seeing ALIEN: Resurrection). I'm a HUGE fan of the ALIEN series as well as the Predator character...but I'm also a fan of good film. From the very beginning, it feels like a poor Emmerich rip-off in setup & dialogue. It is then followed by overused cliches, borrowed ideas and poor storytelling you'd find in a made-for-SciFi-channel flick.The predators are stripped of any cool factors such as honor & ability, and appear as steroid-pumped weightlifters in uncomfortable cheap Halloween costumes. Anderson's apparent lack of knowledge or respect for the previous films makes one wonder, "Did he actually watch the Alien & Predator series, or simply hear about them from a stranger on a bus?". My own Alien/Predator fandom put aside, this is still a poorly conceived and made film; bad editing, writing, dialogue and "plot". I will, however, give nods to the cinematography & the practical Alien creature work by ADI. The cg Aliens, while modeled nicely, are animated more like dogs than Aliens (except for the queen, who moves like the T-Rex in Jurrasic Park). The video-game wrestling is not enough to salvage a long list of unintentional hilarity; Lex's handmade alien-head shield springs to mind. Overall, the plot is rushed, paper thin & feels like a student film with a large budget. Its a real shame in that the Alien and Predator movies existed on a completely higher quality level (yes, even the sequels compared!). Also, the Alien Vs Predator comics and novels would have worked wonderfully as a movie. Why Anderson did not go with those stories (instead of cannibalising & ruining aspects), I will never understand. The only salvaging element of the film is that it features the Alien and Predator. Too bad they are watered-down parodies of themselves. Pick up the comic or novel for a much better ride (check amazon.com). "B+" for visual design. "F" for execution.

THE FLASH TV Series just came out on dvd. I've been slooowwwly making my way through the 6-disc set. When it was originally broadcast in 1990, I watched it here and there. It wasn't the greatest show by any means, but I was still semi-high from Tim Burton's BATMAN release - wow, comics done in live action could be decent! All I remembered was it was a Batman-movie ripoff, the Flash looked kinda cool although too bulky, and Mark Hamill showed up as the Trickster twice, in a fun embarrassing performance.

Well, revisiting this puppy in 2006 is quite the experience. I forgot how god awful early 90s television was - its like early 80s tv but with a splash of Arsenio style. Woo-woo-woo!! Anyway, this show is something else. First off, the musical score is done by Danny Elfman, so it sounds very very much like Tim Burton's Batman and Batman: The Animated Series. The look of Central City is like a bad hybrid of TB's Gotham meets 80s TV Los Angeles. Notice that pink lighting is everywhere, even in the prisons! And the show itself, is like TB's Batman meets Dick Tracy movie meets Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1 - so basically, it feels like what I'd imagine Tim Burton would do Today if he made a Flash movie. Zing!!!!.

The acting is really bad and embarrassing at times. Alot of that blame goes to the poor writing, but its really odd since it has such a stellar cast. So far I've seen the Terri Cenobite chick from Hellraiser III, the leading lady in both Leviathon & Max Headroom, Dr Simms from Nightmare on Elms St 3, the token black dreadlock dude from PCU, Richard Belzer, Jack Deth from the Trancers movies, the old lady from 227, the war vet from Gremlins and Admiral Morrow from Star Trek III. And so far I'm just on disc 1!! Imagine what's in store for me next! But the real star goes to the main guy, John Wesley Shipp aka Barry "The Flash" Allen himself. I'm without words - you'll just have to experience his master thesbian for yourself.

The Pilot is pretty much unwatchable, so skip it. All you need to know is in the opening titles. The first normal episode is great and features not only a mutant man-dog, but an incredible Hulk/Toxic Avenger rip off beating up homeless kids. Brilliant.Yeah, so this show is terrible.... yet I can't stop watching it!! Despite all its many many many flaws, it still has something fun about it. It doesn't have that quirky brilliance the 60s Batman And Robin TV show had, but it has its own character. It's like a 1940s cheezie comic, crime story happening on the Universal City themepark City-Set, in 1990. It's definitely a product of its Time, and 16 years later, its kind of fun to revisit that era.... and be thankful its over! heheh. SO, if you're a FLASH fan, or fan of fun cheezie superhero shows, give it a whirl. Just remember to keep a big grin throughout.... and skip that Pilot episode!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Additional fact I never knew: They made Flash tv-movies; Flash II: Revenge of the Trickster and Flash III: Deadly Nightshade.

Despite what you see on this bloggy-blog, I DO hold back on posting cool toys. Sometimes I let 1 or 2 slide through because they're just too rad to not share, but I could easily fill this space with just Toy/Statue postings. Well, consider this one that slides through: Based on the killer design in the cartoon network STAR WARS: CLONE WARS, here's the ultra-sweet Republic Gunship with warpaint!

Have you seen the controversial cover of the new ROLLINGSTONE?! (click on image to enlarge).

Now I see why everyone's upset! "Battlestar Galactica: The Toughest, Smartest Show on Television". What?!! Blasphemy!!! Have you tried watching this turd? I mean, the CYLONS look like humans. 'Nuff said. What was Rollingstone thinking?!!

THIS is Battlestar Galactica, you Chodes!** Click on cylons to enlarge and save **

Sweet! ALIEN NATION the TV Series is now out on DVD!! What? I liked it!!The book was great, the movie was cool and the tv show was fun. You had crazy aliens running around, cop action, socio-politcal themes, humor and more sci-fi stuff thrown in! Plus, Sikes' neighbor was a cute alien chick - he should have gone for it.

Oh sweet Jesus, I can't believe I just said that. Stupid Cold Medicine!!! And now I wait for the abusive assaults from my friends.....

Ok, so usually I try to refrain from posting about Michael Jackson because a)it feels too much like sleazy celeb gossip shit, and b)there's just too much to talk about. However, this time I just had to share with someone. Jacko was spotted in Bahrain (he's apparently settling in the Middle East post child-molestation charges in the U.S.) wearing an abaya, the traditional Arabic women's veil and all-covering gown. Ok, whatever... he's a freakand can dress however he likes. But check out his poor kid in that pic!! He's forced to wear a black hood/veil, too! You know, a couple years ago MJ came into the comic store my buddy works at. Apparently, he had all his kids wearing Mexican wrestling masks. Good grief, man! Look for the Spawn of Michael to unleash wrathful hell upon Humanity in about 15 years.-----------------------------------------*Ali, this post was for you!! hehehe

Scientists have apparently found another "earthlike" planet, which is 5-times the size of Earth. Let the space race to conquer and claim it for ourself begin! And by "ourself", I mean which ever country gets their first. What? You thought I meant a Global Unified effort? Foolish humans. God bless The United States of America. *sigh*

The Thundercats, nor Battlestar Galactica, were available for comments.

-----------------------------------Ok, so Melchy has just informed me that the Thundercats live on Earth-3. So sorry. Hahaha - yikes!!----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ok,Ok, so Melchy has just corrected me AGAIN - The Thundercats live on THIRD EARTH, not Earth-3. *sigh* ;)

You know how Rich Mofos go out and buy exotic cars, like a Ferarri, to show off? Screw that, man. If I was a rich asshole, I wouldn't settle for some NORMAL Italian Trash sportster. No, I'd go for a modified Italian Trash TANK. Why? Because Tanks are fucking rad.Although, a Ferarri Tank???? Nah, I'd have to go with something better.... perhaps a classic muscle car.

Whoa.... Actor CHRIS PENN was found dead at his home this morning. He was 40!! We would always see him around our neighborhood; grocery store, walking, shopping, etc. Last week, Terra was next to him in line to be helped at the local small hardware store. He was almost like a neighbor (I think we saw him more often then our actual neighbors!). I'll always remember him for his kickass performance in RESERVOIR DOGS.

This year's E3 Video Game Trade Show in LA is going to look significantly different than year's past - No more scantily clad booth babes. And the Nerd Collective simultaneously weeps. Click here for more info.

Whoa, check this out. The above photographs are digitally refocused at different depths, computed after a single exposure of a light field camera. The fourth image shows what a conventional camera would have produced.

Click here to check out Light Field Photography with a Hand-Held Plenoptic Camera. Crazy!!!----------------------*thanks, Jason!

I was chatting with BDev this morning and was telling me that on his way into work this morning, Harrison Ford was on the radio. The DJ asks him if, at the end of the Star Wars Saga, Han Solo ends up with Princess Leia and Harrison couldn't remember! He said he thought Luke Skywalker, being the main hero, ended up with her and totally forgot Leia was Luke's sister.

I LOVE the movie TREMORS. It's one of my all-time guilty pleasures. If you haven't seen it, go rent it cause its a really fun silly movie (the FIRST one only!!!). So I was curious and, I'll admit, slightly excited when I heard that Sideshow Collectibles and ADI are making a Graboid maquette! Until I saw it!! Look at this thing!!! Are you kidding me? Who in their right mind would want this on their wall? It's like a horrific scene from a bad visit to a Mexican restaurant!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Anyone remember the 70s TV show "LAND OF THE LOST?"Most people I talk to seem to recall the lame Chaka monkeyboy when I bring up LOTL. Not me, man. Me, I think of the freaky SLEESTAKS!! They were these creepy reptilian/insectoid dudes running around in caves chasing the Marshall family with crossbows!! They made this hissssing-like noise that made your skin crawl. I don't remember much else, besides that they lived in an underground city, hated the light, and would coccoon themselves into hibernation near a lava pool.I think I dug them primarily because they reminded me of the Creature of the Black Lagoon, which I saw at a very very young age and obviously made a huge impact on my life.

Oh yeah, they were also afraid of "Big Alice", the stop motion TRex. Awesome.

March 28, FOX is releasing the sweet PLANET OF THE APES saga again on dvd, all remastered, blah-blah-blah... However, it will be available in a killer 14disc boxset packaging - CEASAR'S HEAD!!! Check it out!!! The set includes all 5 original movies, the complete TV series, the never-before-seen Saturday Morning Cartoon, plus the shitty shitty craptastic 2001 Reimaging Abomination by Tim Burton.

The APES head set joins the small, but growing, group of cool "head dvd sets" like the ALIEN Quadrilogy and I,ROBOT (I have the I,Robot one - its sweet - but NEED the Alien one!). I've noticed an increase in crazy dvd packaging like these. While not "heads", the HELLRAISER and TREMORS sets are pretty neat, too. Dig em below!