Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice?Peter: Oh, you know what happened, you sexy minx. My white blood cells attacked the pathogens and created antibodies and then the pathogens were filtered out by my kidneys into my urine and then expelled from my body, you slut.

Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice? It's so deep!Peter: I think I'm sick.Lois: Well, you don't sound like yourself. In fact, you sound kinda hot!Peter: I just threw up two chicken gyros out the side of my nose, they're on your side of the bed.Lois: Ohhhh...say that again!

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Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?