Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Hamish will be two in July (!), and he is a running, bouncing, dancing, chattering ball of energy. I got to see him for a couple of weeks in Brunei when Kylie and little man came to visit us. He was on the cusp of walking unaided, and grew his first teeth while he was there. Here we are with Hamish, just before he turned one.

The last time I saw him and his parents was more than half a year ago during a short stay in Australia, while were were getting ready to set off for yet another adventure, this time in Hawaii (I know, what terrible life I lead :)) He has grown so much in that time - this is him a couple of days ago.

And now to business. I haven't been posting much as this was ultimately a blog about things surrogacy, and besides the continued growing and prospering of Hamish, which I felt was more appropriate to enjoy privately, there was nothing else happening on that front. Now there is one more thing that I need to write about to make this blog complete. It makes me sound a little petty, but I intended to be as frank as I could on this blog, so I'll just lay it out there.

Here goes:

Recently, Kylie and Adrian decided to add to their little clan. While I have been expecting this to happen, I wasn't entirely sure how I would react to it when the time came. Let me try to explain. I have always been pretty sure that I would only do surrogacy once. While I would never trade the experience of our amazing journey together for anything, I also never particularly wanted to put myself or my family through the stress again. On the other hand, if I didn't carry Hamish (and Sophie Cleo's) sibling, it was quite obvious that someone else would have to (duh, I hear you say - but bear with me). Another surrogate. Another woman who would create that special bond with Kylie and Adrian, and this time Hamish as well. I wasn't sure how I would feel about that. Actually, that's not quite right. In the interest of full disclosure, I was afraid that I wouldn't be happy about it. No, still not being honest... I was afraid that I would be jealous.

When the e-mail came letting me know that the decision was made, I had a moment of panic. Now that it was happening, how did I feel? Was I jealous that someone else would get to experience what I have with the Rafterys? Or did I feel threatened? Maybe this other hypothetical woman would a much better, kinder human being than I am. Maybe she would have a closer relationship with my surrogate family than I ever did. Maybe (probably) she wouldn't move all around the world every couple of years afterwards and would get to see them all frequently...

I was just picking up the kids from school when I got the e-mail. The way back home took us about 20 minutes, and I spent most of the drive giving myself all these and other questions, trying to determine what the real answers were. And then, about 5 minutes from home, in one moment, I had an epiphany. I was looking at it all wrong. I stopped thinking about what I would feel like, and started thinking about how I felt right at that moment. And this is what I came up with:

1. I am absolutely clear about wanting Hamish to have a sibling here on Earth. I am forever grateful that we decided to have a second child, because even though they sometimes fight, they are also each other's best friends, and Hamish so deserves to experience that.
2. While I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, the idea of another pregnancy (surrogate or otherwise) leaves me less than thrilled. A lot less.
3. I dearly love Kylie and Adrian, period. And I am fairly sure that they are fond of me too. A new surrogacy journey with a different surrogate will never change or devalue what we have been through together. It will never change the fact that Hamish is here.

So, in the last 5 minutes of my journey home, I went from a bit confused and anxious to rather excited about the project and ready to offer any support I could.

Phew. I'm happy that's off my chest.

So this is it. I might drop in occasionally (read: couple of times a decade :) to jot down blogworthy updates on Hamish and my thoughts on surrogacy, but that's probably it.

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

And life is still great. Our move to Brunei has been completed mostly with success - the children have settled well into their new surroundings and new school, and found new friends easily. Damien seems to be enjoying his job, and, so far, I am enjoying being a lady of leisure. I don't think I could last much longer, but fortunately semester is starting next week, and as I am enrolled in two interesting courses, I'll probably manage to stay busy even if it turns out I am not able to work here.

Hamish is, as always, a little delight for his parents. He even travels well, bless him... with his first international flights and a few weeks of sight-seeing under his belt, he is now officially an ideal child.

And cute too!

Kylie and Hamish's visit in Brunei this year is on the cards too - hopefully it will work out, not seeing them for a whole year would make me sad (hint hint if you're reading this, Rafterys :D).

And as this is a blog documenting the whole journey, I'd be remiss not to mention that we are now big media stars! :) Just as we were busily packing to move, Kylie and Adrian were approached by a journalist, who wanted to write our story. I was unable to contribute to the actual article, although it appears that the journalist consulted my blog and plucked one of the pearls that I drop on a regular basis to incorporate into the article. It appeared on the front page (!) of the Daily Telegraph on Saturday, 16 February, with quite a few photos included (when I first saw them, I have to say I was a bit taken aback, as I wasn't aware that they, at least the ones of me, would be there - still not exactly sure how I feel about it, but what's done is done). Here's the link to the online version - Forging a bond, and sharing the joy.

And that's all for now. I'm going to go and get lunch ready, before I pick up my children from school and then proceed to spend a few hours in the pool that we have in the backyard... bliss! Oh, did I mention that, as I am typing this, a maid is cleaning our house? :D

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

I stopped eating chocolate and lost most of Hamish weight, and then lost some more, due to a very rare event in my life - an illness. Horrible horrible thing, pneumonia, do NOT recommend as a weight-loss strategy.

I had another reminder of how amazing my family and friends are and how blessed I am to have them all in my life. I found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband, along with an entourage of keen helpers, has planned a surprise wedding vows renewal for us on the day after our 10th wedding anniversary. The ceremony was lovely (better than the original one!) and the reception and fun afterwards was great. I enjoyed myself lots, and still marvel at how everyone could possibly keep this a secret for so long - they sure pulled it off!

I applied for a job, and got it. I started last week, and I am enjoying myself immensely - a very interesting, varied, exciting, challenging job, with great colleagues and supportive supervisors. Which is just as well, because...

...on my first day at work, I got a phone call from my husband, who informed me that his supervisors want him to go on a short-term posting (for 9 months) in the beginning of next year. We discussed it, and decided that he would not take the posting unless I could somehow take unpaid leave or arrange something else. I was not hopeful, as I was going to discuss this with my supervisor on my SECOND day at work, but I was shocked - she was very understanding and told me not to stress, that my job would be waiting for me when I come back. Wow. Talk about good bosses!

And, of course, there's Hamish. He is now, officially, the son of his parents. The paperwork has gone through, Kylie and Adrian 'adopted' him, and he now has a new birth certificate that shows them as his parents.

He is a little delight. I got to see him, and Kylie and Adrian, and their parents as well, for two weekends in a row - first the wedding vows renewal, then Adrian's birthday party. He is (Hamish, not Adrian :) a chilled out little guy, gives lots of smiles, loves exploring and touching everything, and already eats some solids! He doesn't sleep much during the day, but very well overnight, and even lets his parents sleep in regularly.

Apparently laughing at a funny joke from dad - I think dad was more likely making silly faces/noises, or singing a very entertaining rendition of 'Glump glump went the little green frog one day' :D

Remember the photo with Hamish, Sophie doll, and a paper saying '1 month'? This paper says '4 months' - what a change!

When I was watching Kylie and Adrian this weekend, it all finally wrapped up for me. I don't think I've been been looking for 'closure', but I got one nevertheless. The way they interact with Hamish, the way their faces light up with smiles, their genuine happiness... I am so happy for them, the feeling almost lifts me up.

I am also very proud of them. They are the best parents (if you don't count Adrian's occasional lapses of judgement that make me want to come over and give him a lecture on parenting :D So far, I have managed to bite my tongue and stop myself, particularly as I always remember that my husband's behaviour towards our kids is pretty similar - which, now that I think about it, probably means that it doesn't constitute a lapse of judgement as such, but is merely a 'dad thing').

I never doubted it, but now I know for sure - I made the right choice. If I could travel in time, even knowing exactly what was going to happen and how stressful the pregnancy would be, I'd do it all over again. I helped to add another child to a wonderful family, and hopefully aided in healing a little bit of the terrible hurt in his parents' hearts.

Friday, 5 October 2012

Yes, it does! Little Bruiser is no longer known by his in utero nickname. He is definitely Hamish now. A little man with his own personality, a giggler, a kicker. We went to see him and his parents a few weeks ago and spent the weekend together. I had lots and lots of cuddles, and Damien as well as Ben and Sophie got to hold Hamish too.

About Me

My name is Veronika. I am a wife of one, a mother of two. I am also a gestational surrogate. The arrangement is altruistic, which means that I don't get paid for carrying the bub. Some people say that I am giving an amazing gift, others that I am crazy :) Neither opinion, in my view, is right - I am merely doing my bit for the greater good. This doesn't make me an angel, and it doesn't make me a basket case either. It is just something that I can do.