38 p err l , .."!II" ' ........ i A '" I ,. \" 6 f ".. .".,- ".---- - -+>> '-''''' .... .. ""I , "I- *' 1 MAR.CH I .3, , 9 7 , of sIde streets, of a dry, soft breeze that blew ordinary dresses and the baggy jackets of ready-nlade suits into something exotic. She could hear the rusde of the half-furled leaves on the trees, see a poo- dle straining at a red leather leash, (:lnd slnell fresh pastry from .l corner bakery. And al- ways she was hurrying sOlnewhere, buying a flower or An apple on the way. l-\.nd the hur- rying had ,;oln<:thing to do with Starr. 13ut it was not StaI r that she remelnbered, hut only the poignant, ine:.\act sensations, the rush and flow of sun and wind and frecdo111. He was essential to, ) et never appeal ed in, the scenes. She was always on her way to see hinl or w (:liting in the apartlnen t-his apartmen t, wJth the plan ts 111assed on the terrace-for hitn to C0111C back froln somewhere. He was only a part of owning everything: the cit) , the spÓng, life. St.ln. was sitting on a he(:lvv, red harnessed bear. The 111errv-go-round was stopped. He was the on I) onc on it, and the attendant was eating a s..{nd- wich, with the door open to the con trol panel. Starr got up stiffly when he sa\v her coming. "Shall we sit in the swan boat?" he asked. Thev had been here before, one afternoon shortly before she left, and Lily had cried in the swan boat. "No, I'll take this one," she said, swinging up onto a rearing black horse with a heliotrope saddle and bridle. Starr sank back onto the bear. '[he Inerry-go-round attendant shoved the rcst of his sàndwich into his lnouth and threw a lever. The music slid intu tenlpo, and Lily's horse began slowly to rise. The feet of Starr's bear were anchored to the platforln, and he did not even look at her as she rose above him-just stared ahead as if he were trying to disintegrate something She noticed that his eyes were ringed \\-ritll a faint puffiness and that he had de- veloped sOlnething like a sq uin t. The machinery squealed, 111aking dissonant chords with the music. The galloping horses shot up dnd down among the stolid elephants and bears like Spi ing runaways Ahead was the tail of the 10 , '" . 1'"' & ((1 understand you. You understand me VJ7 e understand the kids, and the kids understand us That's why 1 fall asleep e 'ery nig-ht after dinner." see people," she said earnestly one eve- ning, sitting at her desk in masculine flannel pajamas. "I have to get Llsed to the place first," Lily saId. "Once I can see the place, I'll start seeing people." Prophecy chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully and then returned to the case books. "Starr was asking for vou," she said, "at the Children's i\.id benefit concert." Lilv did not comlnent. O N the third afternoon of Lily's second week of work, Starr came to see her. He came at 2 P.M., when no one else was there sa v e a \ oung woman with a frdctious pre-schoo] child. He sat down and folded his hands, waiting alertly, as if to see whether she could pick him out of the crowd. "Hello, Starr," Lil) said. "\Vell, Lily." He tried to lean back in the orange plastic chair, which tipped. He had got fat, Lily decided He had always heen pudgy, hut now the way his vest split oVer his stomach below the gold watch chain was rLally fat. "I thought you InIght call nle." "Oh dear," Lily said, "have I been back that long? It's just that I've been so busy finding a job." Starr smiled faintly. "Prophecy told me." He looked around him and smiled agaIn. "Can I get you anything?" Lily asked. "Tea," Starr said. "And when do ..." you get outr . . "Five o'clock today," Lily said, sadly truthful. "I'll meet you then at the nlerl y-go- round." At 3:15 P.M., when a neighboring girls' school was dismissed, the cafeteria filled up with earnest tête-à-têtes. The girls caIne in pairs, separate, ignoring each other couple, and sat, crossing ankles and swinging hair, depositing layers of coats and scarves and chaIn- hdndled bags on the backs of the orange chairs. Lily liked to watch them, holding back their long blond, dark, red hair with both hands, gazing at each other as if in their very like- ncss they could find an answer to some- thing deep and puzzling. They drank Coke, and sometimes the chubbier oneS had ice crean1. Lily was sorry when the last ones left at four-thIrty. They brought back something from the eigh th grade, something fanliliar and protected and cOlnfortable. Going to meet Starr at the nlerry-go-round was none of these things. She had not seriously thought about Starr after J anuarv of that first year in Europe. She had then been living in I.london, enclosed in a dark flat in a dalnp, 10\\' section of Chelsea. In the wet, blelk streets, she would be overcome by sud- den gusts of memory and so weakened by them that she would have to go sit in the lihrar} or on the river wall or anyw.here that afforded itself. rhe memories were always of New York in April and May-of sun on the win- dows of slnall shops on I.lexington A venue and on the brownstone steps