Saturday, April 9, 2011

Never And Always

"Great it's 4:00am, well, better get to bed," I said quietly to myself.

Though, I had to reason to wake up early tomorrow. I'm just going to put off my work; sit in front of my computer screen continually to slack off. But regardless, I got ready for bed.

After brushing my teeth, washing my face, and changing into more comfortable clothing, I slowly staggered myself to the side of my bed, opened my two layers of comforting blankets, and nested into the warmth and soothing bed. It was at this point that I turned on some music to help stop the racing questions and worries that invade my head. I scrolled my Zune for something relaxing and mellow. I enjoyed instrumentals, the likes of Loscil, Gregor Samsa, and Red Sparowes. Within a few minutes of the first track I drifted off to sleep...and this, is where my story begins.

I reached her house and knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again, and this time there was an answer. It was her mother. Now, the last encountered I had with her mother wasn't a pleasant one. I brought her home late and her mother was not happy about that.

"I just need to talk to her, please....," I begged.

She tilted her head to the side and gave out a sigh, "I'll get her, just wait right here." She closed the door as I stepped back and sat the step that led to the doorway of the house.

I looked at the sky, staring at the clouds, the blue, and birds that flew overhead. Then as I heard the door opened, I quickly jolted up to my feet and saw that is was her father.

"Hear me out, I'm telling her that I can't be wit her, we're not meant to be. You won't ever find me around her again. We caused each other nothing but trouble...so please...just let me see her one last time."

Unknown to me, she had been standing in the shadows of her father. She revealed herself from behind her father. The father looked down at his daughter, then back at me, then walked inside and closed the door.

"I'm sorry, but you know this is true. The time that we have spent together just caused us so much pain when we were apart. You have to understand this, we cannot be together. Though our passion is strong it came with a dastardly price of anguish. But know this...I may be gone, but I'm still present. In your heart, your mind, in the saddest of songs, in the lowest of moments, you'll keep me there, I know you will. Maybe there is a place that we can be together, somewhere not here or not now, but some place that will allow us to live happily. Maybe, just maybe..."

I saw the tears that were forming in her eyes. I wrapped my arms around her and let her know that I'll always never be hers. Though we weren't meant to be together, we'll always want each other.

It was when I woke up and found what I'm missing from day to day. I miss her. I miss talking to her, seeing her, holding, kissing, loving her. But, we've moved on. I know we will never work, but this urge to want her is so strong and forceful. I guess in the times between reality and dreaming is where we'll be together...never and always.