My Definition of Normal

Oh, Brother!

Countdown: 9 days to the start of a new sch**l term. I’m terribly sorry for using the s-word here. It is completely unavoidable and not intended to offend any vacationers out there. I assure you that I, The Strange Introvert, would definitely not want the above-mentioned event to happen either.

Alright then! Today’s topic will be about something most, if not all guys can relate to. No surprise there, it’s…

The FRIEND ZONE!

Now, before you officially start poring over my opinions, please have a look at this video.

I place my guy friends in the friend zone based on intuition. Don’t judge me on that. I just know. And yes, there’s this guy I regard as my older brother even though he’s technically younger than me. This doesn’t pose a problem unless he falls for me (which, thank goodness, is highly unlikely).

A lot of guys out there, unfortunately, are not as lucky. They like girls who have unknowingly sorted them into the friend category. I would be devastated. Let me try to help you out here, alright?

Ask yourself if you love said girl. Yes, I mean love. As in you are able to eat and sleep and generally continue with life, but think about her every now and then. If you’re curled up in a ball crying or thinking about jumping off a cliff (or have already done so and survived), please stop reading this now and go to the hospital immediately. Do you care for her? Want her to be happy? Feel uplifted when you see her/hear her voice? Feel that pull when you’re missing her? Feel the (intense) attraction when you’re with her? Are you still living happily with the rest of your family and friends? Do you respect what she does? Want to know what’s going on in her life? Do you have the power to say no to her even if the answers to all the above questions are yeses? If the answers are yeses, read on. If there are nos in your answers, I would suggest to you that you wish her all the best and move on. Especially if you’re the one crying. It’s unhealthy for you and for her too. She would be feeling extremely guilty if she knew. You don’t want to make her feel that way. Guilt hinders people from doing many things. You would think it’s concern for you, but it’s affecting her badly. Two words: It’s selfish.

‘Yes’ people, here! Right! You roughly have an idea how much your attraction towards that girl measures. I’m sure you didn’t need to answer those questions if you really, truly love her. Deeply. You just know it. *winks* Hey, you guys! Don’t just give up right there! At least try again. Let her know how you feel. Not by stating the obvious, obviously… Don’t go “I feel so happy whenever I see you.” or “I’m so deeply attracted to you.” Those are statements she can use to put you into an asylum. Remember, it’s a friend we’re talking about here. It’s not like you’re together (yet). Just act normal, be her good friend, stick around whenever she needs you to. At the same time, maybe you’d want to show her a bit more care? Be more responsible, less lazy. Make her see that you’re so much more than you currently are. I know this is ironic, but you can’t make her see too. She must feel it herself. Eventually, if she feels it, she will fall for you. Don’t force it on her. This whole love thing should be about feelings. If after 10 long years, you two are still single (or she’s attached), it’s time to look elsewhere or give up the thought and go solo backpacking around the world. Or you can hold on to that thought and go solo backpacking. After all, if you’re meant to only love one person in this world, you’ll only love that one person and no one else (even if you can’t get together). Whatever you do, at least try. Try asking her at least 3 times. I wouldn’t want to see a love story waiting to happen, but not happening because someone gave up trying.

I’m a firm believer in friendship romances. It’s because you understand a person thoroughly first before feeling that “hey, that’s the right one!” rather than feeling all giddy and then finding out all the flaws the person has. It has much more depth than the average relationship because you were friends first and you’ve been through thick and thin and you know him or her inside out. That way, when you fall for your friend, you love them warts and all. On the other hand, when you hardly know each other and are attracted to one another, which is not wrong at all, you find out that they have certain characteristics/hobbies you don’t like. Of course you can resolve all issues and pull through, but it takes a whole lot more effort.

So to all who are sitting in the friend zone, don’t go moping around just yet. Strengthen your friendship with them, learn more about them. Maybe there are some hidden things you don’t know about them as of yet. You may change your mind once you find out some things about them. Who knows, as your friendship grows, they may start liking more and more of you and soon it may blossom into love. Now that’s a happy ending.