Of the people who have ever told me I should be on the radio, do voice-overs etc, one of the highlights will always be a rather drunk Lembit Öpik MP telling me forcefully in the pub last Thursday that:

He will go on for ten minutes when his metaphorical asteroid button is pushed. Then he will stop and debate pretty much any question put to him, even if, thanks to my esteemed colleague, it concerns anal sex.

It concerned hypocrisy rather than enquiries into Lembit's private doings. No-one gave a shit that Chris Smith was gay all the time he was in the Cabinet, because he never claimed anything different. Mark Oaten, on the other hand, continuously played the happy nuclear family card, so when it transpired his boys had taken one hell of a beating from a rent boy, there was no way back. It was in that context that my esteemed colleague asked Mr Öpik MP if he had ever had anal sex.

With regard to your second enquiry, I am afraid webofevil is unable to make personal appearances, but enclosed please find a signed photograph. I remain, sir, etc.