Sunday, April 01, 2012

repentance

I have to admit that I screwed up, and I HU-ATE that.

I was in the middle of my last semester at the U. I was really busy and really overwhelmed by my Statistics class. At the same time I was taking this computer class at the Mac store. I had owned a MacBook for a while, and I had an IPhone, but I may as well have owned a cuneiform tablet and a chisel because of how much I was utilizing their capabilities.

I could turn my laptop on. I could find my files after searching in about four different folders. I didn't even know where to start on making my technology work for me. So I started these classes with this really nice guy who had about as much passion for organization as my three year old has for Transformers.

It was contagious. All of a sudden I was envisioning myself as this tecky, organized person who saved myself a ton of time by being in-the-know. No longer would I feel the way that my Grandmother did when she was confronted with the invention of voicemail. I would be hip...possibly even a hipster, dare to dream! People would be able to use words like cloud, and Pinterest, and google plus, and tweet and I wouldn't go in to a cardiac arrest where my eyes glazed over.

My lessons had been going well. And then I made the mistake of deciding the buy a new laptop. It was right before my school finals, but I was lured by the lightweight MacBook Air, with it's bells and whistles. The idea of starting fresh and new, without all of my junk files and pictures seemed like a dream come true.

Mr. Thrilled-to-organize-and-teach-the-tech-challenged asked me what I wanted to do with my old laptop. I thought that I would let it become the kids' family computer. He asked me what I wanted to do with all the old files on it. Without thinking, I replied with certainty, "Get rid of all of them." I hardly knew what half of them were. He was going to transfer the pictures and the documents over to my new laptop, organize them, and I already had visions of the organized me dancing in my head.

When I got my new laptop I was thrilled. It was all so logical. There was a place for everything and everything was in it's place. But a few days later, when I needed to do my final online for my Statistics class I was a little nervous, or should we say wetting-my-pants-hysterical, that my Statistics software was nowhere to be found.

Turns out that one of the files I had casually told Mr. Awesome-smarty-pants to delete and not transfer to the new laptop was my $100 Stats software. And Murphy's Law, it had a one-computer limit so that you could only download it once. I had 24 hours to do a final online, and no way to turn it in.

I told my Professor about my dilemma and he just looked at me with a blank stare, like I'd dug my own grave. I emailed my Mac teacher and basically gave him a heart attack by telling him that I was going to drop dead by drowning myself, if he didn't save me from this situation ASAP.

Another Murphy's Law was that this Mac teacher was having his own stressful situation at the same time that involved his furniture being moved in to his new place. I was about as sympathetic to that as I would have been if he'd told me he had a hang nail, because after all, this is my break down we are talking about. And plus, I hadn't connected the dots, that this really was my fault because I'd told him to delete everything on the old laptop.

Long story long, he found the software because he'd backed up the old laptop. He reinstalled it. He and his team at his store worked overtime to get it to me. And all I could do was come in to the store and practically cry because I had had to endure this self-inflicted trauma.

I did my final. The class turned out fine. I went in for a follow up Mac class, and it was pretty ugly. Both the teacher and I felt that we were owed an apology by the other. I ended up walking out of the class, indignant about my mistreatment. Gavin felt bad for me and afterwards went in to express to the store manager that I didn't know what I was asking the Mac guy to do when I told him to "get rid of everything" on the old laptop. As if my Mac teacher should have known when someone is so ignorant about technology that they don't even understand what they are instructing you to do.

It took a week or so, and I finally realized that it had been my fault. I had given the Mac guy an instruction that he followed perfectly. At the time, I had not known that my instructions meant that I would be losing the software that I needed in order to take my Statistics final online. I meant to apologize. To schedule another class with my Mac teacher, and make it all right.

But I never did. And months have passed. Now it feels weird. I guess it's better that this is happening with me and the Mac guy, than me and my husband. But still...I want my classes, and I want the knowledge. I want to get my laptop and my phone working for me. I see those Mac commercials and I about wet myself, it all just looks so sleek and simple and streamlined.

So...I have to just bite the bullet and email him to apologize. UGH. Hate this. But I can do it.

My Story

Grew up in Happy Valley, which explains my perpetual state of happiness. Married young, (well duh, we had been on at least eight dates already and my nineteen year old clock was ticking. Plus, how long could we really hold out..eef you know what I mean?) Made life a living hell for my husband Gavin for a couple of years, just because you can do that when someone is bound to you for the rest of eternity, and your only other long-term relationship was with Luke Perry from 90210. Got pregnant young, (we'd been married for three years already- my eggs were practically shriveled up..and plus that birth control was really hard to remember to take). We moved as a happy family to Boston, after Gavin graduated from BYU with his MBA. I was determined to make friends with as many non-mormons as possible, so that I could be the most worldly mormon from Utah and possibly convert all my new friends so that we could all live in the same cul-de-sack in the Draper/Alpine neighborhood of the Celestial Kingdom. They succumbed to being my friend, but didn't fall for the mormon part. Much to my surprise, I learned that even without being born under the covenant, they were nice people who liked their kids and didn't beat them, or mope around the house in deep depression all day wondering what the meaning of life was. Wowzers. Had a lot of fights with Gavin. He worked his arse off in consulting, while I spent my arse off with money that we didn't have. Started connecting dots. Fought some more with Gav. Got pregnant again, cause we can't just have one child, even if we do hate each other. Had some life-changing experiences with women who would forever be bonded to me through the shared perils of life and motherhood. Moved away from Boston, so that we could afford a house, let the kids see their relatives, and so that I could go back to school. Wanted to die, die, die for about two years. Thought that Utah and I were not destined to be roomies. Started back up at school at the U. Liked using my brain again for non-kid-related things. Started to like life again. Wondered if I should get pregnant again. Thought that three sounded just a titch more fun than two, so decided that three it was. Had a hell of a time with being pregnant at the end, as well as the whole first year of the baby's life. Think I lost my sanity for a bit along with the placenta. The kid ended up being a keeper, and is now the mascot of our family. We have a gecko, a stray fat black cat, and a new little shelter kitten. We live in Salt Lake near the University of Utah. We have an old house. I have big plans for a remodel, that divert my attention from my studies on days I need an escape. I have been journaling since I could write my name. My mother figured that it was safer than sex and rock-n-roll. I have been blogging for about two years. I am en route for a Master of something degree. Some days it's a Master of Social Work, other days it's a joint Master of Public Administration. Other days I just want to collect data on the why's and how's behind life. Who knows- maybe I'll drop out and go to hair school (no offense bro). So now a days, I have chilled out somewhat. I am most-of-the-time happily married to Gavin (Don't ask me how that one came about. Think we both just screamed "Uncle" at the same time and called it a draw), who most-of-the-time acts like an adult. I have three kids who are most-of-the-time stellar (and who, to be honest I REALLY LIKE. Again, who knew?!) and most-of-the-time I am content, even if I may be tired, or angry, or venting, or sad, or overwhelmed...under it all I feel pretty dang content...which is nice. I would say that my life right now most resembles the movie Ground Hog Day, with Bill Murray. Each day seems eerily similar, and luckily I have had a lot of chances to try and do better. Oh, things that weird me out are people who are never mad-sad-wrong-or crappy, giant SUV's, thinking about lame things I've done-said-thought in the past, having sick kids where I feel powerless, pretending I like someone/something I don't, pretending period, giving a crap about insignificant things, dealing with lame stuff, and having a fake tooth, a widow's peak, mild acne, and identity confusion as to whether I am supposed to be a blond or a brunette. Other than that, it's all good.

Good Reads

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