BLACK BOYS….

I call him LRG but his name is Mekhai. He is known as Khai-Khai to his friends and family. The other two, Jahlil and Jordan go by ‘Lil (pronounced Leel) and Joe. I have a song that I sing whenever I see Joe – J to the IZZO, E to the PIZZO. He liked it at first but since me and Lil say it all the time he screams “that’s not my name” and demands that Lil and I “quit it!” These are my children though I didn’t give birth to nan one of them. My love is nowhere near that of a Mother’s Love but I’d do anything for them. Anything.

Plays, museums, Gameworks, the zoo, awards assemblies, downtown el/bus rides, school luncheons, bday parties, shopping malls (THAT’s ME) skating rinks, the movies ( I LOVED Tangled!!), amusement parks, libraries; you name it we’ve done it. I know how important it is to spend time with your children and explore things with your children and teach your children. I try to show them a world outside of their own. I want them to imagine a place where they can be whatever they want to be and be the greatest at it. I desire to “demonstrate” my love because love is action and the world needs a lot more of it. If they learn early on what love is and how to receive it, they’ll know later on how to respond to it when they get it. I can’t show them how to be men – that’s not my job. I revel in the role of “second Mom” and am always amazed when they say the darndest things while teaching me a thing or two.

I want children. My job is to procreate and leave a legacy in my husband’s name that my bloodline can be proud of. I don’t take this lightly which is why I’m not a baby mama. Quite a few men that could’ve given me that title, as they looked hella qualified on paper, but I decided against it. Something in me tells me I need a man by my side who’s in it for the long haul. I’m well aware that marriage is no guarantee and single Dads ride out with their chidren’s mothers all day long but in my mind a man who is your husband makes leaving less likely though it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to stay. I don’t know. I guess I want to “do it right.” The way it was designed to be. I feel some days that my biological clock is ticking and time is running out. I hope for once I am wrong.

I will miss them when I’m gone. They make my Saturday mornings worthwhile. Toe and I chopped it up this morning and admitted the thought of me leaving makes us both sad. Time moves at lightning speed and before you know it summer will be here and gone but I won’t focus on that. I plan to spend every waking moment with my “children”, my family and my friends who all make my life worth living. Until tomorrow youngn’s….