Discipline: A Novel

CHAPTER II.

For some hours I was inconsolable; but at length tired nature
befriended me, and I wept myself to sleep. The next morning,
before I was sufficiently awake for recollection, I again, in a confused
sense of pain, began my instinctive wailing. I was, however,
somewhat comforted by the examination of my new jet ornaments;
and the paroxysms of my grief thenceforth returned at lengthening
intervals, and with abating force. Yet when I passed my mother's
chamber-door, and remembered that all within was desolate, I
would cast myself down at the threshold, and mix with shrieks of
agony the oft repeated cry of "Mother! mother!" Or, when I was
summoned to the parlour, where no one now was concerned to
promote my pastimes, or remove my difficulties, or grant my requests,
--on the failure of some of my little projects, I would lean
my head on her now vacant seat, and vent a quieter sorrow, till
reproof swelled it into loud lamentation.

These passing storms my father found to be very hostile to the
calm which he had promised himself in a fortnight of decent seclusion
from the cares of the counting-house. Besides, I became, in
other respects, daily more troublesome. The only influence which
could bend my stubborn will being now removed, he was hourly
harassed with complaints of my refractory conduct. It was constantly,
"Sir, Miss Ellen won't go to bed,"--"Sir, Miss Ellen
won't get up,"--"Sir, Miss Ellen won't have her hair combed,"--
"Sir, Miss Ellen won't learn her lesson." My father, having tried
his authority some half-a-dozen times in vain, declared, not without
reason, that the child was completely spoiled; so, by way of a summary
cure for the evil, so far at least as it affected himself, he
determined to send me to a fashionable boarding-school.

In pursuance of this determination, I was conveyed to ---- House,
then one of the most polite seminaries of the metropolis, and committed
to the tuition of Madame Dupre. My father, who did not
pique himself on his acquaintances with the mysteries of education,
gave no instructions in regard to mine, except that expense should
not be spared on it; and he certainly never found reason to complain
that this injunction was neglected. For my own part, I submitted
without opposition to the change in my situation. The
prospect of obtaining companions of my own age reconciled me to
quittiug the paternal roof, which I had of late found a melancholy
abode.

A school,--it has been observed so often, that we are all tired of
the observation,--a school is an epitome of the world. I am not
even sure that the bad passions are not more conspicuous in
the baby commonwealth, than among the "children of a larger
growth;" since, in after-life, experience teaches some the policy
of concealing their evil propensities; while others, in a course of
virtuous effort, gain strength to subdue them. Be that as it may,
I was scarcely domesticated in my new abode ere I began at once
to indulge and to excite the most unamiable feelings of our nature.

"What a charming companion Miss Percy will make for Lady
Maria," said one of the teachers to another who was sitting near
her. "Yes," returned the other in a very audible whisper, "and
a lovely pair they are." The first speaker, directing to me a disapproving
look, lowered her voice, and answered something of
which only the words "not to be compared," reached my ear. The
second, with seeming astonishment at the sentiments of her opponent,
and a glance of complacency to me, permitted me to hear
that the words "animation," "sensibility," "intelligence," formed
part of her reply. The first drew up her head, giving her antagonist
a disdainful smile; and the emphatical parts of her speech were,
"air of fashion," "delicacy," "mien of noble birth," &c. &c. A
comparison was next instituted aloud between the respective ages
of Lady Maria and myself; and at this point of the controversy,
the said Lady Maria happened to enter the room.

I must confess that I had reason to be flattered by any personal
comparison between myself and my little rival, who was indeed
one of the loveliest children in the world. So dazzling was the
fairness of her complexion, so luxuriant her flaxen hair, so bright
her large blue eyes, that, in my approbation of her beauty, I forgot
to draw from the late conversation an obvious inference in favour
of my own. But I was not long permitted to retain this desirable
abstraction from self. "Here is a young companion for you, Lady
Maria," said the teacher:--"come, and I will introduce you to
each other."

"Come hither at once when you are desired, young lady," said
my champion, in no conciliating tone; and Lady Maria, pouting
her pretty under lip, obeyed.

The teacher, who seemed to take pleasure in thwarting her impatience
to begone, detained her after the introduction, till it should
be ascertained which of us was eldest, and then till we should
measure which was tallest. Lady Maria, who had confessed herself
to be two years older than I was, reddened with mortification when
my champion triumphantly declared me to have the advantage in
stature. It was not till the little lady seemed thoroughly out of
humour that she was permitted to retire; and I saw her no more
till we met in school, where the same lesson was prescribed to both.
Desirous that the first impression of my abilities should be favourable,
I was diligent in performing my task. Perhaps some remains
of ill-humour made Lady Maria neglect hers. Of consequence, I
was commended, Lady Maria reproved. Had the reproof and the
commendation extended only to our respective degrees of diligence,
the equitable sentence would neither have inflamed the conceit of
the one, nor the jealousy of the other; but my former champion,
whose business it was to examine our proficiency, incautiously
turned the spirit of competition into a channel not only unprofitable
but mischievous, by making our different success the test of our
abilities, not of our industry; and while I cast a triumphant glance
upon my fair competitor, I saw her eyes fill with tears not quite
"such as angels shed."

At length, we were all dismissed to our pastimes; and "every
one strolled off his own glad way;" every one but I; who finding
myself, for the first time in my life, of consequence to nobody, and
restrained partly by pride, partly by bashfulness, from making
advances to my new associates, sat down alone, looking wistfully,
from one merry party to another. My attention was arrested by
a group more quiet than the rest; where, however, my new rival,
seemed to play the orator, speaking very earnestly to two of her
companions, and laying one hand on the shoulder of each, as if to
enforce attention. Her Ladyship spoke in whispers, for good
manners are not hereditary; casting, at intervals, such glances
towards me as showed that I was the subject of remarks not over
laudatory.

Presently the group began to move; and Lady Maria, leading it,
as if by accident, to the place where I sat, accosted me with an air
of restrained haughtiness. "Pray, Miss Percy," said she "are you
of the Duke of Northumberland's family?"--"No," answered I.--
"What Percys, then, do you belong to?"--"I belong to my
father, Mr. Percy, the great West India Merchant, in Bloomsbury
Square," returned I, not doubting that my consequence would
be raised by this information. To my great surprise, however,
Lady Maria's ideas of my importance did not seem affected by this
intelligence; for she said in a familiar tone, "But who was your
grandfather, my dear? I suppose you had a grandfather?"--
she looked round for applause at this sally.

Now it happened that I was then wholly ignorant of the dignity
which may be derived from this relative, having never heard
whether I had a grandfather or not; but I plainly perceived that
the question was not graciously meant; and therefore I answered,
with mixed simplicity and ill-humour, "Oh! I am not a fool,--I,
know I must have had a grandfather; but I think he could not be
a duke, for I have heard papa say he had just five shillings to begin
the world with!"

"So, for aught you can tell," said Lady Maria, shrugging her
shoulders and tittering, "your father may be the son of a blacksmith
or a cobbler!"

"No, no," interrupted one of her Ladyship's abettors; "don't
you hear Miss Percy say that he owed his being to a crown?"

This piece of boarding-school wit seemed to delight Lady
Maria, who, looking me full in the face, burst into a most vociferous
fit of laughter; an impertinence which I resented with
more spirit than elegance, by giving her Ladyship a hearty box on
the car. A moment of dead silence ensued; the by-standers looking
at each in consternation, while my pretty antagonist collected her
breath for screams of pain and rage.

The superior powers were speedily assembled on the field of
conflict; and the grounds of quarrel were investigated. The
incivility of mine adversaries was reproved; but my more heinous
outrage was judged worthy of imprisonment. In consequence
of my being a stranger, it was proposed that this punishment
should be remitted, upon condition of my apologizing to
Lady Maria, and promising future good behaviour. With these
conditions, however, I positively refused to comply; declaring that,
if they were necessary to my release, I would remain in confinement
till my father removed me from school. In vain did the
teachers entreat, and Madame Dupre command. I insisted, with
sobs of indignation, that Lady Maria was justly punished for her
impertinence; and stoutly asserted my right to defend myself from
aggression. The maintenance of order required that I should be
subdued; and, finding me altogether inflexible in regard to the
terms of capitulation, the governess, in spite of the wildest transports
of my rage, committed me to close custody.

Left to itself, my fury, by degrees, subsided into sullen resolution.
Conceiving that I had been unjustly treated, I determined
not to yield. This humour lasted till the second day of my captivity,
when I began to entertain some thoughts of a compromise
with my dignity. Yet, when the original terms were again
proposed to me without abatement, pride forbade me to accept
what I had so often refused; and I remained another day in durance.
At last, when I was heartily wearied of solitude and inaction,
I received a visit from my champion; and though I had stubbornly
withstood higher authority. I was moved by remembrance of the
favour she had shown me, to consent, that, provided Lady Maria
would humble herself before me for her impertinence, I would
apologize for the blow which I had given. It was now her Ladyship's
turn to be obstinate. She refused to comply; so after
another day's confinement I was liberated unconditionally, as having
sufficiently expiated my fault.

From that time an ill-humour prevailed between Lady Maria
and myself, which was kept alive by mutual indications of insolence
and ill-will. It had too little dignity to bear the name of hatred;
and might rather be characterized as a kind of snappishness,
watchful to give and to take offence. Our companions enlisted in
our quarrels. By degrees almost every girl in the school had been
drawn to engage on one side or other; and our mutual bickerings
were often carried on with as much rancour as ever envenomed the
contests of Whig and Tory.

Of all my adherents, the last to declare in my favour, the most
steady when fixed, was Miss Juliet Arnold, the daughter of an insurance
broker lately deceased. Mr. Arnold, finding it impossible
to derive from himself or his ancestors sufficient consequence to
satisfy his desires, was obliged to draw for importance upon posterity,
by becoming the founder of a family; therefore, leaving his
daughter almost in a state of dependence, he bequeathed the bulk
of a considerable fortune to his son. This young gentleman calculated
that the most frugal way of providing for his sister would
be to aid her in obtaining an establishment. Miss Juliet Arnold,
therefore, was educated to be married.

Let no simple reader, trained by an antiquated grandmother in
the country, imagine my meaning to be that Miss Arnold was practised
in the domestic, the economical, the submissive virtues; that
she was skilled in excusing frailty, enlivening solitude, or scattering;
sunshine upon the passing clouds of life!--I only mean that
Miss Arnold was taught accomplishments which were deemed likely
to attract notice and admiration; that she knew what to withdraw
from the view, and what to prepare for exhibition; that
she was properly instructed in the value of settlements; and duly
convinced of the degradation and misery of failure in the grand
purpose of a lady's existence. For the rest, nature had done much
to qualify Juliet for her profession; for she had a pliant temper,
and an easy address; she could look undesigning, and flatter fearlessly;
her manners were caressing, her passions cool, and her
person was generally agreeable, without being handsome enough
to awaken the caution of the one sex or the envy of the other.
Even when a child, she had an instinctive preference for companions
superior to herself in rank and fortune; and though she
was far from being a general favourite, was sure to make herself
acceptable where she chose to conciliate.

Miss Arnold balanced long between my party and that of Lady
Maria de Burgh. She affected to be equally well inclined to both,
and even assumed the character of mediatrix. An invitation from
Lady Maria to spend the holidays at the seat of her father, the
Duke of C----, entirely alienated Miss Arnold from my interests
for a time; but just as she had finished her preparations for the
important journey, the fickle dame of quality transferred her choice
of a travelling companion to a young lady of her own rank, whose
holiday festivities she was desirous of sharing in her turn.

From this time, Miss Arnold was my firm ally. She praised
me much, defended me pertinaciously, and, right or wrong, embraced
my opinions. Of course, she convinced me of her ardent
affection for me; and I, accustomed almost from my birth to love
with my whole heart, seized the first object that promised to fill
the place which was now vacant there. Miss Arnold and I, therefore,
became inseparable. We espoused each other's quarrels,
abetted each other's frolics, assisted each other's plots, and excused
each other's misdemeanours. I smuggled forbidden novels into
school for her; and she introduced contraband sweetmeats for me.
In short, to use the language often applied to such confederations,
we were "great friends."

This compact was particularly advantageous to me; for having,
partly from nature, partly from habitual confidence of indulgence,
a tendency to blunt plain-dealing, I was altogether inadequate to
the invention of the hundred sly tricks and convenient excuses
which I owed to the superior genius of my confederate. Often
when I would have resigned myself, like a simpleton, to merited
reproof, did she, with a bold flight of imagination, interpose, and
bear me through in triumph. If these efforts of invention had
been made in the cause of another, I might have been tempted to
brand them with their proper title; as it was, I first learnt to pardon
them because of their good nature, and then to admire them
for their ingenuity.

Meanwhile our education proceeded selon les regles. We were
taught the French and Italian languages; but, in as far as was
compatible with these acquisitions, we remained in ignorance of
the accurate science, or elegant literature to which they might
have introduced us. We learnt to draw landscape; but, secluded
from the fair originals of nature, we gained not one idea from the
art, except such as were purely mechanical. Miss Arnold painted
beautiful fans, and I was an adept in the manufacture of card
purses and match figures. But had we been restricted to the use
of such apparel as we could make, I fear we should have been reduced
to even more than fashionable scantiness of attire. The
advertisements from ---- House protested that "the utmost
attention should be paid to the morals of the pupils;" which promise
was performed, by requiring, that, every Sunday afternoon,
we should repeat by rote a page of the Catechism, after which we
were sent "forth to meditate, at even-tide," in the Park. We were
instructed in the art of wearing our clothes fashionably, and
arranging our decorations with grace and effect; but as for "the
ornaments of a meek and quiet spirit," they were in no higher
estimation at ----- House than "wimples and round tires like
the moon."

At the end of seven years of laborious and expensive trifling,
the only accomplishment, perhaps, in which I had attained real
proficiency, was music. I had naturally a clear voice, a delicate
ear, and a strong sensibility to sweet sounds; but I should never
have exercised the perseverance necessary to excellence, had it not
been from emulation of Lady Maria de Burgh. This stimulant,
of doubtful character, even when untainted with the poison of
enmity, operated so effectually, that I at last outstripped all my
competitors; and my musical powers were pronounced equal to
any which the public may command for hire. This acquisition
(I blush whilst I write it) cost me the labour of seven hours a
day!--full half the time which, after deducting the seasons of rest
and refreshment, remained for all the duties of a rational, a social,
an immortal being! Wise Providence! was it to be squandered
thus, that leisure was bestowed upon a happy few!--leisure, the
most precious distinction of wealth!--leisure, the privilege of
Eden! for which fallen man must so often sigh and toil in vain!

Not such were the sentiments with which at sixteen I reviewed
my acquirements. I considered them as not less creditable to my
genius and industry, than suitable to the sphere in which I expected
to move; and I earnestly longed to exhibit them in a world which
my imagination peopled with admiring friends. I had, besides, an
indistinct desire to challenge notice for gifts of more universal
attraction. I knew that I was rich; I more than half suspected
that I was handsome; and my heart throbbed to taste the pleasures
and the pomps of wealth, but much more to claim the respectful
homage, the boundless sway, which I imagined to be the
prerogative of beauty.

In the summer of my sixteenth year, Lady Maria was removed
from school to accompany the duchess her mother, on a tour to
the watering-places; and the accounts with which she favoured her
less fortunate companions, of her dresses, her amusements, and her
beaux, stimulated my impatience for release. My father at last
yielded to my importunities; and consented, that, at the beginning
of the fashionable winter, I should enter a world which looked so
alluring from afar; where the objects, like sparks glittering in the
distant fallow, flashed with a splendour which they owed only to
the position of the eye that gazed on them.

This presentation of Discipline: A Novel, by Mary Brunton
is Copyright 2003 by P.J. LaBrocca.
It may not be copied, duplicated,
stored or transmitted in any form without written permission.
The text is in the public domain.