Wednesday, October 26, 2011

It's hard for me to say why it's been so long, dear Blog, since you and I last spoke. So much has changed since then. So much has not. But let me try to explain:

1. I've been busy doing this thing called "being a mother."

2. Having a baby makes one a complete mess for a while. Seriously. I had no idea what I was in for. Add on top of the instantaneous drop in hormones the traumatic birth experience Adela and I had and then the weeks upon weeks of horrendous breastfeeding trials and tribulations, and I was not doing so well. If it's any indication what a hot mess I was, I started--but couldn't bear to finish--a post entitled "Bathing my baby in breastmilk and tears." I think you get the picture.

3. Plus, when you have a baby, you don't get much time to yourself. Showering (let alone shaving your legs) can sometimes feel like the best feat in the world.

4. But even after things started to get better and settle down a bit--say when Adela was around 9 weeks old--I thought of you and contemplated becoming reacquainted with you again, but didn't want to give up any precious moments with my little one. Ok, really I was ashamed that I had hardly taken any photos with which to post to you (and in fact still haven't. Jake and I aren't picture people. Let's face it. At least future children of ours won't be upset when there's no pics of them either.) Our lack of documentation of this whole process is ridiculous, given the fact that we bought an incredibly nice camera for this occasion.

5. And did I mention yet that when you have a baby you don't get much "mama time?"

6. I've gone back to work. Adela's in daycare. I also contemplated writing to you then to report of this new change in our life, but how to put all those emotions into words? Perhaps you'll help me work through it someday later, but right now it's too raw to explain.

Now, though, I find myself with just this: a short span of "mama time" and I'm not entirely sure what to do with it. I am experiencing a rare night of sleepiness from my little girl. She's all swaddled up in her crib. I've just completed my various chores for the evening, including making scrumptious stuffed green bell peppers and doing laundry for the umpteenth time this week. And I thought, "Hey! What the heck? Why don't you write a little. Say hello to your online presence. Put a few words to paper so to speak."

So dear blog, it's good to be back. My life--while crazy--is so very much worth every bit of chaos.