Tag: self-esteem

I have obsessed about my weight for the majority of my life. I think about it from the moment I wake up, through the day, into the night. I weigh myself every morning and can almost always guess my weight before the number flashes. When I search back in the darkening corners of my mind, there are dim memories of early childhood where I wasn’t like this.

Like this:

During the work week, I wake up at the same time every day. Depending on my level of soreness, I have been going to the gym 3-4 days at 5:30 am. Once home, I begin my morning ritual: pee, start the shower, strip down, step on the scale, curse the scale, step off, immediately step on it again because maybe I read it wrong?, realize I did read it wrong and it actually went UP, curse the scale, angrily get into the shower, lather, rinse, repeat. I make a 12 cup pot of coffee in my trusty Mr. Coffee because it will inevitably get fucked up if I try to order it elsewhere. I pack my own lunches and snacks for work, mostly because I’m cheap, but also because I try to be healthy(ish). I leave the house at the same time, +/- three minutes to get to work on time.