All the millionaires are long gone. Or at least they've been promoted enough that you don't have them blasting their audiophile make-you-weep $3000 speakers from the next cubicle.

It's Hollywood, babe. When's the last time Tom Cruise visited Google and arm-wrestled the CEO?

No, at Google, you have to say hi to MC Hammer — "No, it's cool, Hammer, you're still popular. What was the line...can't...can't hit this? Touch this? Good line."

Googlers are so damn uppity. Oh, they act all laid back, but then you're chatting around the cafeteria and you name-drop, like, Arrested Development, and they're all "Oh I don't have a TV." Or if they do, the Tivo's stuck on "Battlestar Galactica."

You're gonna get fat at Google. There. I said it. You can't control yourself, so the free food will kill you.

Oh shut up, you would not use the exercycle and the swimming pool. You'd just roll the M&M's cart over to your desk and gorge.

At Google, you've gotta pretend to like Sergey's t-shirt. Which would be okay if he wasn't always asking, "Does this make me look fat?"