Thursday, 28 January 2010

Story time...

You tell me that you want me back, that you love me and you always have and always will.

The same frivolous words fell from your lips two weeks ago...Leaving me on new years eve, just hours before the new year sets in was, in itself, a kick in the gut. But to then feel the need to play with my emotions by telling me you wanted me back, allowing me to consider it and then revoking everything that you had said by simply stating,"I'm sorry, I didn't want you back really, I was confused," well that was as equally cowardly as sending me a text message to end it in the first place.

You are a coward.

And now, now you call me at 4am.Now you act surprised that I don't answer the call?Now that the story you wanted to pursue hasn't ended well, you want to pick up where we left off?

Sometimes I may be a little easy to read but I can assure you that I am most certainly not a book! I cannot and will not be placed on the top shelf with all the other old books, just in case you fancy another read. From now on, as far as you are concerned, my pages are blank from cover to cover. There's nothing left for you here.

If, by some strange miracle, I woke up tomorrow and discovered that I had indeed been transformed into a book, my blurb would read as follows:

"The life of a young man who, for years, has made the wrong decisions, is about to change.Follow Craig Harris as he leaves his troubles behind him and shows the world that he has more than just potential.Once more, its time to love in the right places."

Sounds like a bit of a chick flick to be honest, I assure you its not. Its a new manly book about me turning my life around. :) (maybe I should really write a book, obviously not about myself - that would be the best hobby ever!)

I can't wait to get my teeth into this new story, I'm already just a matter of pages into it and I know that I want to read forever. This time I will read forever (it's going to be even longer than war and peace!) You see, people (myself included) will always say that they've learnt their lessons, that they're sorry and it will never happen again. This would not be the first time that I have said this. However this time there is a sincere difference.Somehow, unbelievably, I managed to edge myself to the end of a road. A road where friendships end. Friendships that have not run their course yet because their course has no end. I'd never walked so far down this road in the past.

Every single one of my friends is beautiful to me. To think that I almost cost myself even one of these friendships makes me resent myself a little. For each friendship that nearly escaped me my resentment towards myself increases a little.

This time I'm not going anywhere.

And this brings me back to you. I partly blame you for putting a distance between me and my friends. Knowing full well that I didn't want to leave the house without you, owing to my anxiety issues, you would refuse to come out. Despite my constant efforts to be friends with your friends, your efforts to keep me away from mine were equally constant.To accuse me and my best friend of having any kind of relationship behind your back, was obscene. Using this as an excuse to never see my friends was, again, obscene.

Part of me wants you to read this, part of me has forgotten your name.