I’ve been snippy. Irritable. I know what’s been bothering me, but I thought just telling myself to get over it a few hundredy times might work, and you know what? It didn’t. Or anything else really.

I got my feelings hurt over something and could NOT let it go. (Yeah, I’m phrasing it that way on purpose. Someone else did not hurt my feelings; I allowed them to get hurt. Choice.)

I was talking to someone I’ve known for a long time, and the person wanted me to list what I do for them. As in, could you please outline your value as a person in some tangible ways for me… because I’m… just… not seeing it… and a list might help me out here…

It’s been a few years since I’ve watched The Apprentice. I’m not up to speed on it. But it seems to me like that’s the sort of thing Mr. Trump says right before he does that thing with his hand and says, “You’re fired.”

The very nature of the question offended me. And I didn’t want to answer, and at first refused. It was re-asked. Repeatedly. If I’m not doing anything at all that is noticeable, appreciated, or has value… whoah. Something is really wrong here. And maybe it’s me. And maybe it isn’t. But something is definitely off.

I can think of at least three things of value that the CAT does for me, and that’s without really trying.

(I mean, without ME really trying. I’m sure the cat is trying REAL hard with all the effort and the purring and the furriness and all of that. The cat totes gets credit here for all that difficult feline stuff he does. You should see his long, pretty fur. And he LICKS it to clean it. You think that’s easy? Nuh UH, that is not easy. This pretty kittyboy is not sitting around popping catnip bonbons, yaknow? )

So eventually I did answer with a few things, and I wish I hadn’t. Because ever since then, I’ve thought of all the other things that were better that might have demonstrated a bit more worth. And then I hate that thought pattern, because yikes, THAT is pathetic. It’s so… defensive. And I don’t need to defend. I want to… but I don’t need to.

In any case, important lesson learned. Do NOT place any sense of your self worth in human hands. No matter who that human is. The operative word there is human. Someone could build you up in all sorts of ways you do not necessarily deserve. Or tear you down in ways you shouldn’t allow. Or, more likely, just be all human and do something in between.

If you let them.

If you forget where your true value is and who you really are.

For a whole week and get all snippy.

Don’t do that. Not worth it.

The next time you’re feeling a bit walked on (because you LET someone walk on you, or because you just didn’t see the giant boots coming your way, or whatever)… come back here if you need to. Bookmark this post if you think this sounds like you’re gonna need it.

Yesterday at an airport, someone swabbed me down for traces of gunpowder. I thought, ‘clearly you do not know who I am.’ And I did not take offense. This is the spiritual equivalent, nothing more.

Here is my quick link list of who you really are, with the One perspective that matters, so don’t you forget it.

By the time I was finished with this… I was MUCH better. I AM much better. Nothing like a little divine perspective tweak.

FYI, I happen to think you’re pretty great, in case you need or want to know. You’re ‘enough,’ just how you are. And I bet no one could make a list long enough to detail all the things you do that are worthwhile and valuable in this world that you probably never get credit for. And who has time for that sort of listmaking, anyway? You’re great. I pray that everyone in your life notices and loves you for it – but if they don’t, it’s still okay.

I only recently started reading your blog and have already found that you are importabt to me. I am sorry that someone made you feel like you weren’t valuable. I found your blog when I was having a really tough time. You helped me to re-open my heart to God, you helped me to see humor when I felt defeated, you have inspired me to start my own blog, you are a kindred spirit and I consider you an online friend. So, not that you asked, and you probably don’t care, but what you have done for me in the short time since I’ve found your blog is pretty important and I appreciate it!

JS, you made me cry – emailing… of course i care – and you ARE an online friend and nevermind, emailing…

7

Laurie

December 11th, 2010
3:43 pm

I have always enjoyed your blog and am sorry someone made you feel like this. I will be reading this again and again, I am sure. Sometimes it seems like very few people are happy with me!

8

Kelsey

December 11th, 2010
4:22 pm

Laurie… awww, really…. with the ‘very few people happy with you’ part…? That stinks. I’m sorry.
Sometimes it’s necessary to really look at self and ask what things you’re legitimately doing wrong. And sometimes… it’s necessary to quit crying into a salad at a really cute restaurant and say, “Dude. I will not be making you a list of why I’m valuable. YOU get right on that and make ME a list of why I’m valuable, and then if your list is satisfactory, MAYBE WE’LL TALK. If. I. Feel. Like. It.”
And sometimes… don’t you think it’s good when people aren’t happy with you? I do. Like, the kids are upset because I’m saying no all the time and I’m like, Ha HA! That’s my job! To say no and make you unhappy with me when you ask to do crazy things!
Mission accomplished.
You know?