We had our first experience with this when I attended a classmates birthday party with my daughter. A boy who is a classmate (and is 4) put his hand under his shirt and said to my daughter "I have peanuts under my shirt". What? I was in disbelief that he said that, but he said it again a few times during the party. This got me thinking...does this happen at school too! I mean, we were at the party for 2 hours and this boy made at least 4 "I have peanuts under my shirt, or in my pocket" remarks. His mother was not there, so what was I to do? He did not have peanuts on him...he was joking but I did not find it funny, and my daughter did not either. It saddens me that this type of ignorant teasing behavior has started already...in preschool.

Did you ask your daughter if it happens at school? Because if it is - you need to speak to her teacher about it.

I hate to imagine that a teacher would ignore that if she were aware of it. But it doesn't sound like the boy was being sneaky about it. He doesn't seem to think there's anything wrong with what he's doing.

OMG - That's heartbreaking for your daughter to have to be exposed to something like that I'm really not looking forward to the day my daughter goes to school. How do you react to something like that? Ugh How do kids become so cruel at such a young age?

The same thing happened to my son at a party. The child was about 2 years younger than him and started saying "I have peanuts"... I took the opportunity to tell him, politely but firmly, that it was no joking matter and that my son could get very sick and go to the hospital if there were peanuts around. I think my face expressed the seriousness of the situation and the boy never made that joke again.

My friends and I have an open policy regarding disciplining our children. It is done with respect to the children and generally works through timeout, redirection etc. I would have no probem asking him to produce the said peanuts for confiscation and to have his hands etc washed. This would be done matter of factly as we are all aware of the need to not intoduce allergens at a party.
I would have reassured my child that I had made the situation safe and that she had nothing to worry about. I would have pointed out that we had the EpiPen and that if she felt any reaction we would take steps to keep her safe (EpIPen and leave for the hospital). I would encourage her to use her words to let him know that he had no power over her.
If he had any peanuts, I would have done my best to make sure they were all removed to a safe place for him to enjoy at a later date. If he had none I would have had a stern talk with him about the importance of not trying to terrorize others. If it happened a second time, I would have had a talk with his parent (if they were there) or placed him in time out for a couple of minutes and then redirected him perhaps it was time for a game. This behaviour is bullying and needs to be dealt with as you would any other bullying.

This kind of bullying is unacceptable and you have to involve the parents or the teachers. Schools are getting more and more training with bullying and have protocols in place to deal with this (1st warning, 2nd warning, then parents get called in, etc.)

You are not being a stool pidgeon by reporting this to the teacher or the parent as the case may be, because it is a matter of life and death. Like Barbara Coloroso, the parenting expert, tells the kids, if it's something that puts a child at risk, you have to tell and there has to be consequences because it is not acceptable.

Due to this incident and others and the realiaztion that my daughters self esteem was suffering from all the treats in class, and her constant exclusion, the teasing, and the fact that my younger daughter has more allergies and the situation seems to only look worse for her...we pulled our daughter out of preschool and have chosen to homeschool both girls. I do believe that ALL kids reagrdless of allergies deserve a public school that will keep them safe and treat them with respect ( inclusion and acceptance) but I do not work outside the home, I was in the position to be able to do it, and our children have a lot of allergies in addition to peanuts and nuts that were banned from the school, but managed to show up from time to time.

Her self esteem has improved a lot, and it has been going great! I am very optomistic about the girls future education, self esteem and positive socialization with kids at activities without food. It feels really good to have stopped "banging my head against a brick wall".

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