Samantha Ronson is talks about her “relationship” with Lindsay Lohan in the pages of the new Harper’s Bazaar. Because you know who loves lesbians? Housewives. That’s science:

When asked about Lohan, Samantha is polite but firm. “I’m not going to talk about Lindsay because she’s my friend, you know? She’s great. She’s also 22 years old. I think people forget that. With the Internet the way it is, one second we’re enemies, one second we’re best friends, one second we’re lovers, and then we’re broken up.”
By press time, reports had trickled out on the Web that Samantha had changed her personal status on Facebook to “in a relationship,” while photos of her and Lohan holding hands had circulated. She is accustomed to the speculation. “Even the airport-security guy in Canada asked me, ‘So, is it true?'” laughs Samantha. “It’s like, ‘Oh, yeah, I’m telling you.'”

So, reading between the lines, I’ve finally concluded this whole lesbian engagement thing is an orchestrated effort to revive Lindsay’s career. But who is she really having sex with, and where are they hiding the bodies? (You can’t talk if you’re dead.) I mean, sure, Lindsay could be sleeping with just one guy who’s on the payroll, but that would constitute monogamy which is a fancy word for “crazy talk.”