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Cameron: Using elaborate Home Alone style traps against burglars is 100% legal

Violence News: David Cameron has backed plans to give householders more powers against intruders, as long as they involve elaborate traps like those seen in the Home Alone films.

“When that burglar crosses your threshold, invades your home, threatens your family, they give up their rights,” he said. “You then have the right to defend yourself, as long as you follow in the footsteps of Kevin McCallister – who bravely thwarted those hapless burglars in Home Alone.”

“Greasing the steps outside your home so burglars incur severe spinal injuries is fine. Second degree burns from a scalding hot iron in the face, or comically hot doorknob is fine. Setting fire to their heads with a blowtorch rigged up to a doorway is fine. And my personal favourite, swinging a large tin of paint into their faces as they try to climb your stairs, is also fine.”

“Using a bear trap and a shotgun to defend yourself is not fine. That’s from the 1971 film Straw Dogs which is absolutely unacceptable.”