FURIOUSLY HAPPY TOUR

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, Y’ALL! I’M TURNING INTO A BADGER.

Wait. No. That’s not it. I’m coming to your town to sign your books. ALL OF YOUR BOOKS! And your babies. Whatever does it for you. Put a blanket (or a load of warm cats) on your sofa because I’m on the way to see you. Or I will be in four months. If you live in one of the towns I’m going to, that is. If you don’t then you should move. You have four months.

(You can preorder my book at any of the above places. I’m pretty sure that supporting independent bookstores – especially ones that host dangerously strange authors and their friends – gives you extra karma points in your next life.)

Please come. Say you’ll come. I can’t do this alone.

I’m working on a few other things that might work for you if none of those cities do so I’ll keep you posted. Do you want an autographed copy of FURIOUSLY HAPPY right now? Me too, but I don’t have one. But leave a comment and if you’re selected I will send you one for free in September. I’m totally good for it. Or I’ll give you a signed copy of my last book right now if you’d rather have that. Your choice. Just tell me in the comments. I’m totally flexible.

PS. For real, I may need a sofa and some cats. Or a bag of hedgehogs and some tater tots. Depends on my plans. I’ll keep you posted.

I might come to NYC if you bring some taxidermied shit with you. Will you please bring some taxidermied shit with you? I would also like a signed book. (but not as much as taxidermied shit.)
(Always. ~ Jenny)

I would love a copy of your new book! I just bought another copy of your first one to send to my friend for her birthday. I wanted to send her your new one but 1) It’s not out yet and 2) She hasn’t yet heard of you so I didn’t want to randomly send her a book about mental health and think I was implying something…

So that awkward moment when you commented and it was witty but then you couldn’t remember your wordpress password and had to reset it, then when you finally get logged in, you don’t know if the comment went though or not, so you comment using a run-on sentence because you don’t know what else to do. Yeah. That.

Yes please on the new book! I don’t live in any of those cities, but could totally road-trip with my hubby who also loves you. But in case we can’t, I totally need you to send me that autographed new book! I’ve reread the first one, like 3 times. And bought copies to mail to friends. (well, one friend, but only because you are perfect for her.) (Your writing. I’m not trying to set up a date.) (I also take pride in introducing her to your blog.)

I love your first book and you know I preordered your 2nd. You made my 31st bday by wishing me a happy birthday and your words have helped on days when the darkness and shadows make it hard to see the surviving through the scars. Hopefully seeing you in NYC unless you make it to Dirty Jersey…

I’d love either of you choose me! (Jumps up and down like a crazy contestant on the price is right)

I’m in Denver and shall plan on seeing you
Also, I don’t have cats but I do have a guest room. With an actual bed. And it is located in my library, where your book would be displayed. (Yes, I have a library). If you can overlook the lack of cats you can crash here.

I wish you were coming to Vermont. It would be easier to bring you a bag of hedgehogs and tater tots. Actually that would be just as easy to bring to you in Boston. The sofa and cats not as much since my cats don’t like to travel.

Dayton, huh? Might have to be my birthday present to myself. I actually live in Maryland but I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to deal with the size of the crowd in DC. I have family in the Dayton area though. And, I’ll have my book by then for you to sign!

Not only would i love a signed copy of your book, but I have a couch and warm cats. I just can’t tell you where to send it or to come stay, since I have to pack up my worldly goods and otherworldly amimals to move to one of thevcities you are visiting.

I have a signed copy of your first book, but didn’t get signed in person because I lived in a small town in Alabama. Now I am in Houston and get to see you in person! The decision to move to Texas looks smarter every day! (And a free copy would make it even better!)

Congrats on the new book tour! Maybe I’ll do a road trip to Atlanta and combine your signing with a visit with my nephew. He’s five and outdoorsy and would be fascinated by your taxidermy fascination. I’d love a copy of the new book in September!

I would love an autographed copy of the new one! (I’d take the old one, too… I borrowed it from someone and laughed so hard I cried in Barnes and Noble while people judged me with their eyes. So I’m flexible.) I live in Charlottesville, VA, so I’m far away from all the locations!

If you were coming to Pittsburgh I would totally be there for you! Your posts always brighten my day and make me feel less crazy! Conversely they terrify my husband (mostly because he can’t believe there’s someone else that’s on the same wavelength as me) so thanks for that too!

Totally Enjoyed your last book. I totally like the cover of your new book, plus I would love a copy of your new book with your autograph. That would be like totally awesome. P.s. can you tell am from California.

I’ve already pre-ordered your book! I am so excited to start planning to go see you in Boston. I may be moving closer to the city before then, but I’ve got a futon and 2 fat, fluffy cats all ready for ya! (PS- this post made me happier for real though. Today is 3 years since I entered the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I’m still here and your blog gives me strength on the sad days when I just don’t want to do it on my own anymore. Thank you. ❤ )

(I’m so glad you’re still here! And that strength goes full circle because I get it from you guys when things get tough in my own head. ~ Jenny)

Would love to see you again. But you won’t be coming here. We ain’t got none of them thar book store places in the holler. : ( But I will be ordering the book which makes me furiously happy. Just have to live without your autograph on this one.

Oooh! I’d love to get your new book and get it autographed. But I’ll probably be the person hiding in the bathroom or lurking in the back of the room, getting up courage to actually speak to you. I do have a couch and 2 cats, if you need them while in Milwaukee.

OMIGAWD YESSS…! But, its NYC… But OMIGAWD!
I will risk the big city to come see you. The book’s a gift for someone who needs the reassurance (and one for myself…) and I wanna tell you how awesome you are for being perfectly insane and willing to share so us Strangelings know we arent alone. ❤

Pick me! Pick me! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Barnes & Noble NYC is in my calendar for 10/15. Let’s be pathologically shy together and hide in the Children’s section and talk about all the bad parents who make us look good. K?

I will absolutely come and since you have a couple weeks between my stop in November & your next, let’s plan to hang out at my tiny guest room & maybe various fun restaurants. Get in touch with Live Wire Radio and see if they’re recording when you’re in Portland. Telling them my name might help; we give money. I CAN HOOK YOU UP, in all kinds of ways. 🙂

I can supply the warm blanket, but only if you’re cool with the fact that it’s inside out. It’s kind of crazy that way. It’s a science blanket, so that makes it extra cool… you just need to read it from the inside.

Any chance you’ll one day bring a bit of Texas glamour to the UK? We have Benedict Cumberbatch (sometimes) and the Queen and – errrrr – shortbread and the Shipping Forecast and rain and we all drive on the wrong side of the road and say ‘crikey’ a lot.

We even have a whole national museum of taxidermy – how can you resist our bleak, mildewed, faded empire charms?

I’d love a signed copy of your new book. Please send it along with some adult diapers….any brand will do. I pissed myself laughing at the last book plus, once I start reading, I’m not stopping for anything. Zombies, a fire or a bathroom break! Please come to Baltimore!

Omg yay!!!!!!! Totally have something to look forward to! My friend and I will be there with baby hedgehogs, tator tots, whatever you need. Or maybe just vodka and a mother-effing p-i-m-p alligator!!!!

Doh! My ancient eyes totally read Tempe as the much nearer “Tampa” and I seriously did a happy dance right here at my desk until the voice of reason slapped me and told me that the closest you are coming is Miami, also known as “a five hour drive across the state.” I totally second Lisa and Brandi’s suggestions of a Tampa or Orlando stop…we are much less glamorous and far odder than those Miami folk.

OMG Miami?!!! FINALLY!!!! and I work close there to the book signing. Count me in!!! I’m there with 2 books and probably will have nothing to say once you sign the books because I will be super nervous but excited….totally excited!

Hey Jenny! I live on a rock in the Caribbean so I won’t make any of your tour dates 😦
But if you want to come visit my island, I have a sofa, cats, and tater tots. (Three out of four’s not bad, right? And I’m sure I can find something hedgehog-ish here on my rock if that would be an incentive.)

If you can work Raleigh, NC into your schedule, I will happily provide the sofa, cats, and tater tots. Not sure where I would get the hedgehogs, but it sounds like a project I could handle. A copy of your book, autographed or otherwise, would make me furiously happy.

I shall be seeing you in Portland and know that I love your writing and you make me smile sometimes when I dont want too but I need to. Thank you for being you because you help the rest of struggling through daily life if work, husbands, kids, family and friends!

I totally want a signed copy of Furiously Happy! Also, we have two sofas and three cats, one of whom just had half her jaw and a huge tumor removed this week. So she’s a little wonky but is super sweet (and will hopefully drool less by the time you get here). I know you appreciate wonkiness.

If I’m not in the hospital having the fruit basket removed from my vijayjay I’ll definitely be there!

(…and by fruit basket, I mean, I don’t actually have a fruit basket that I’m caring around in my vijajay…that would be uncomfortable…and weird….but I have fibroids the size of various fruits that need to be removed. But the doctor said I can’t swim for 6 weeks after surgery and I mean seriously? It’s about to be June. In Texas. Not being allowed in a pool over the summer is a nonstarter in my opinion. Wait…have I gone off track with this conversation??????)

Oh I am so going to come to Dallas to see you. But…if you’d like to add Amarillo to you list I can offer you peanut butter pie and snuggles from my goat George. He’s old, crippled, and possibly immortal and very sweet. Stinky but sweet.

I have a couch and cats if you need a place between Chicago and Milwaukk. For real I live and about halfway. Burlington, WI. I also own a 7 year old and an ancient miniature poodle. And my house is an antique and I am an borderline material hoarder. 😉 you can still see the floor Anand I don’t save dirty diapers in my bathrooms and all my bathrooms work and are clean, most of the time. But I would totally clean them for you. I would even be happy to cook for you. Do I sound to needy or stalkerish? So pick me to stay with. I have real beds too that you can sleep on so you are forced to use the couch.

I would love a copy of Furiously Happy! And I’m excited to see you in Atlanta. I have a comfy couch with the most luscious blankets, and am cat-friendly but presently only have a dog and a snake as pets.

omg yay Houston!! I’ll def come and I’ll bring a kitten, and some booze cause that’s how we do. Also I’m totally buying your new book but I need a hard copy of your old one cause I can’t keep looking at my crotch and laughing. It’s getting me weird looks damnit. (I read on my phone in my lap)

That’s it! I’m moving! Your book signing schedule has my lowly geography surrounded by about 8 hours in every direction. I truly do live in the middle of nowhere.
I’ll see you in Atlanta, er, Denver, or St. Louis, or Nashville…I’m still deciding where to live.
Congrats Jennie!!

You’re not coming to my town (Lexington, KY) which is too bad because I could have provided the sofa full of warm cats. I foster kittens for my local Humane Society and always have a crop of warm, furry stress-relievers on hand. Maybe you could hand-deliver my autographed copy of the new book and get some kitten therapy while you’re here.

I would love to receive a copy of Furiously Happy, and I’m so excited that you’re coming to Atlanta! I have a comfy couch and several of the most luscious blankets; while we are cat-friendly, we only have a dog and python as pets right now, though.

If you find yourself in Des Moines between the Minneapolis and STL, I have a couch and two cats. Also my name is Jenny so it would be just like you were sitting here talking to Yourself. So, bonus. I don’t have any taxidermied shit, but I do have a framed picture of Steve Gutenberg and a picture of a Mermicorn (mermaid unicorn) that my niece drew me on my shelf, so…..

I’m soooo excited you’re coming to Dallas!! And I would LOVE a signed copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened!! The first time I read it, a friend loaned me her copy….and I just re-read a copy from the library, in anticipation for your new book….so I need my own copy of your first book!! See you in September! (I’ve used too many exclamation marks, but I’m so excited…I just can’t help myself!!!!!)

I don’t have cats, but my dog has a terrible superiority complex and a horse that just doesn’t give a shit. We could hit the pharmacy drive-thrus with bad ticks and ask if they’ve got “our stuff ready for mass consumption.” I’d be happy with just a signed piece of paper covered in ‘fuck you’s. (and my husband would like to say a sarcastic ‘thank you’ for making me obsessed with giant metal animals. My Gunther, however, salutes you.

I am so glad you’re coming to Austin! Also, I have a sofabed and two cats – come stay with me! 🙂 I definitely want an autographed copy of your new book but since you’re coming to my town, I’ll get one from you myself. Send the free one to someone who can’t get there to see you. 🙂

I really wish you were coming a bit closer to central Florida. I have 3 cats you could snuggle and a dog who thinks she’s a cat ’cause she’s convinced the cats are her babies. She even tries to purr. It’s funny. I loved your first book, it helped me to know I wasn’t alone. There were a few times when I thought maybe we were long lost family. Love that you’ve got another book coming out. 🙂

I’m just so happy to finally live in a town that matters! I read people’s concert t-shirts, fervently hoping that my hometown will be on them. Now that I live in a city, we made the list! THINGS ACTUALLY HAPPEN HERE!!!

You’ve nearly sent me into a laughter induced coma on many occasions. I can’t wait to battle Atlanta traffic to see you! =D (If you have ever driven through Atlanta then this should highlight just how much I enjoy your writing.) Into the breach! Give no quarter!

i hope one day you come to the Land of Cleves (Cleveland) because none of those places are close for me to meet you, which I would love to do. In the interim I would also love a signed copy of anything you’d want to send me, but especially your new book! I cannot wait to read it!!!

Awesome, awesome!! So glad you’re coming to Atlanta!! And I’ll bring you that cake I promised!! And if you want to, you can spend the night (or nights!) in the ghost room at our cabin (it’s actually a guest room, but it’s kind of spooky so we call it the ghost room). We’re between cats at the moment, but we have an awesome dog named Louie! And I would LOVE a signed copy of your new book, please!

I would be so honored if you chose to bestow an autographed copy of your new book upon me. Sad you won’t be coming to San Diego though. Hm, maybe I can convince the husband to take a mini vacation that just happens to coincide with one of your tour stops. Yes, this may have to happen.

Holy crap. You’re coming to where I live! Of course I’ll be there! Please send a signed copy of either of your books. I gave Let’s Pretend This Never Happened to the library where I work. Or, since you’re coming to where I live if I’m not selected I’ll just buy my own copy and your new book and bring them to get them signed.

I’ll also bring the library’s copy. The library needs its copy signed. It told me so.

Oh I would love a signed copy of your new book! And I would love to come see you in Austin. I don’t even have to move! Well, I mean, I have to MOVE from my house to BookPeople. But I don’t have to move houses. Well, I could. I mean, nothing is stopping me. Except home prices. And the fact that I love my house. But to see YOU in Austin, I would only have to get in my car and move IN A VEHICLE from my car to BookPeople.

The closest city to me is DC, and that is 3 hours away. (7 with the typical traffic). If driving in DC traffic didn’t utterly terrify me…. and the social anxiety… and the crowds…. But I’d really like an autographed copy…

OMG I am so excited!!! I get to FINALLY meet you!! But this means I actually have to buy the book instead of getting it on my Kindle… But that is ok!! I might smile WAAAYYYY to big and REALLY want to give you a hug! I might also have 2 kids hanging off of me looking like I am bit-shit insane, But I WILL see you in Houston! I JUST let my boss know I will be taking a half day!! SO SO SO excited! Samantha!!

You should totally come to Richmond VA — we can provide a comfy couch, five cuddly cats and a warm blanket. And my partner’s anxiety meds. And I’m really good at using the Alphabet Game to take folks through a panic attack or high anxiety.

I’d love a signed copy of the old one – as you’re coming to my neck of the woods, and I’ll come visit you there, schill out money for a copy of the new one, grab another signature, and then I’ll have collected them all….like Pokemon!

Jenny, you can kick your tour off right in Atlanta my awesome brother and sister in law live there. It’s the human equivalent of hot chocolate after a freezing cold day. Match made in heaven. They would wrap you up in awesomeness! Buying your book and wishing you would make a stop in Winnipeg, don’t underestimate how much is middle continent people need you!

We just moved from Denver to Des Moines, IA because of husband’s work. I’m a total fish out of water and your book and blog are one of the only things keeping me laughing (when I’m not crying). I’m home alone with 3 little ones all day. Please dear god, come to Des Moines so I can see you!!! Tattered Cover has been my favorite book store for ages and I am dying that I can’t see you there.

Yay, Canada made the list!! I will be there, wouldn’t miss it, Booking my flights this weekend 🙂 And I would love an autographed copy of your current book! it has saved me many times in those days I locked my self in the bathroom or closet at peoples houses, and on those days I couldn’t leave mine.

How fun a book tour! Wish you were popping up to Vancouver to meet your many fans here. May have to arrange a girls trip to come see you. Would be pleased as a raccoon in a garbage can to receive either of your autographed books. AND if you decide to add spectacular Vancouver to your tour my couch has blankets and cats. Would happily serve you hedgehogs and tater tots (though perhaps best not combined on the baking sheet or …?)

I just moved 4 hours away from Denver…4 hours through the mountains…and you are coming in November…when snow comes…so I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it but I’m sure gonna try. And I would love, love, love a copy of your new book. Since I just moved I had to spend way too much $$ on stuff that I shouldn’t have had to…like boxes and bubble wrap…I think their should be a bubble wrap recycling center so I shouldn’t have had to buy any…just a thought this early in the morning =)

Jenny, If you can commit yourself to all those tour dates, then the least I can do is come and see you! I admire your bravery, because I know that this will not be easy for you. I am looking forward to meeting you in Atlanta.

Jenny, I have tater tots in my freezer right now. You’re welcome to them, and my comfy couch, and my snuggly doggies, if you’ll add Cleveland to your list. Or if you just want to visit. It’s pretty awesome.

Shit shit SHIT! I saw Huntsville, ALABAMA and for a sweet split second I thought it was my poor sad little Huntsville. No one comes to ARKANSAS. No blog conferences, no book signings, no concerts. So while I wallow in my misery, please send me an autographed copy of pretty much anything, although I would love the new book.

I love you even though you won’t be sleeping on my couch with my cat. (I ALSO HAVE A FERRET IF THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE!)

I want them both, because I’m Furiously Greedy!! Seriously, so excited about this book!! We speak BLOGGESS at my house, ALL the time. COME. TO. LITTLE ROCK!! Please! Or I’ll try to see you in TX. But without the landmark GPS, I’m totally FUCKED!!!! You have a serious following here!! Smooches!!

I have a couch and a cat and access to tater tots. I can get more with a few days notice. The hedgehog may prove difficult, but I can let you borrow my fez or hardhat if that will help. I can offer taxi service to the Land of Pears. Thank you for coming back to Houston!!!

I am so glad you are coming to Mpls! Cannot wait to meet you. And, heck if I could get a signed copy of your new book by leaving a comment, I’d be rather grateful for that as well. See you in November!

I’ve got your first book with your autographed note card I sent away glued to the inside cover with unreliable rubber cement. It keeps falling out when I loan your book to people so I’d love to have a copy of your new book with an autograph that I don’t have to worry about people stealing. Because my friends are shady.

How nice that you are coming to Chicago on a Sunday! I hate driving in the city during the work week. I will try to get there. Either way, I’m buying the new book. After reading the first one, I sent copies to several family members.

I saw you in Naperville, IL 2 years ago and I fangirled really hard (near-tears). I still can’t believe my anxiety levels allowed me to go see you and talk to you- all by myself. You signed my boob and when I shakily asked if you would, you acted like you were honored to. Thank you so much. You’ll never know what it meant to me. Now that I’m in Dallas I hope I can see you again in September.

Tator tots… and a new book… that sounds like a winning combination… Man, it’s 8:30 am and now i’m hungry for tots… crunch… salty… tots… Thanks for inspiring millions to eat tots… But mostly thank you for your inspiring words!

The nearest one is 3 hours away. On my birthday. On a Sunday late afternoon. I don’t know that I could get back in time to work the next day. I wonder if that would be a valid excuse to miss work? Maybe if I loan my boss my copy of your first book so they understand how awesome you are? Either way, I will definitely have to get your next one!

Yes!!!! When you came to ATX on your last tour, I so wanted to come, but I was in the hospital having a baby and those docs wouldn’t let me just go down the road and hang out for a bit. Rude. 😉 This time I’ll be there!

I wish you were coming to Pittsburgh. If you have never been here, it’s a great city and I recommend that you check it out. If you pick me, I will take a signed copy of your new book since I already own your first book. Looking forward to reading!!

So excited you are hitting Minneapolis, and you’re in the calendar so the universe can’t conspire against me. And there usually isn’t snow here yet then. And I have three cats and a couch guaranteed to put you to sleep. Or a bed, Whichever.

No Detroit? I promise it’s not that scary, we only stab people once or twice a day, five times at most. Plus we have fun college towns full of hipsters to make fun of. No? Well then I guess I’ll just have to put myself in the running for an autographed copy of your new book.

On behalf of everyone in the metro Detroit area – what the hell, man? There’s like seven million of us! And have you been up north in Michigan? The amount of things up there that are and can be stuffed is mind-boggling.

I can offer: a pick up from DTW in a limo that says “THIS LIMO CONTAINS THE MOTHERFUCKING BLOGGESS”, accommodations in my stale yet practical suburban Detroit home, a meet and greet with my affectionate geriatric cat Clifford, transportation to and bodyguard services at your signing ( your security code name: “jester”), an authentic Polish dinner in Hamtramck, and a Snickers bar.

I’m shocked Huntington, WV isn’t on that list. We are after all a booming metropolis much like the other cities on the list. Come here though and I can give you a real bed, tater tots, and the bunnies and squirrels who occupy my lawn. I shared your first book with so many people. Can’t wait to read the second!

Yay! Please come to San Diego if you can. We have two nutty cats and two relatively sane and magical kids. You can stay with us:). My fiance thinks suspects that I may secretly be you. But then I ask “then who do you think Victor is? My imaginary voice of reason who is so obviously incorrect about things?” I am studying to be a doctor of Eastern Medicine so have no money and float just a little off the ground. Please send me your new book. I will slip it in with my textbooks and everyone at school will now know that I am truly a bit broken and totally magical✨

SO EXCITED!!!! When I read the first part of your post I figured I’d have to drive a few hours to wherever your closest stop was, but you’re actually coming to Huntsville!! I did a happy dance in my office. You’re welcome to my couch, blankets, and my very sweet if slightly nervous german shepherd. No cats unfortunately, but with the 4 month window I’ll see what I can do. YAY!!!!!

Can I start a kickstarter to get a visit to NC added to the tour list?
I would love an autographed copy of the new book for a friend. I’ve already order one for me and one for my sister so I’m officially tapped out of my Bloggess-budgeted money for the month

The closest you will be to me is chicago, which is about 3 hours away (twe measure distance by time in the Midwest lol) we have been wanting to take a trip to chicago though….maybe i can convince my boyfriend we need to go in october 🙂 I would loooove a signed copy of the new book! I will totally bring you tater tots, and possibly cats!

DC, on a federal holiday! Too bad I can’t bring cats on the Metro. And tatertots would probably get soggy. But,you’re welcome to come visit after the signing. I even found a place that sells giant roosters.

How exciting about your book tour! Nowhere on the list is close to me, but I do have a couple couches and SO MANY CATS (ok, three cats, but sometimes that seems like SO MANY; you understand). The cats and I would love a signed copy of either book.

Side note: the cats would also like to nap, some food, and to step on you with their little pokey feets so that you pay attention to them because that’s how they roll; if you’re up for any of that, feel free to come join the party over here (we are in between NYC and Boston! Just sayin’!). Have a great tour! 🐱

PORTLAND! Yes! Sofa available, cat free, but 2 children who might snuggle with you. Hell, I would snuggle with you. Only one bathroom though so you couldn’t go lock yourself in there. You probably want to stay somewhere else. It’s ok. I’ll still come stand in a bigass line for the woman that added “douchecanoe” to my vocabulary.

You’re coming to Wisconsin! I’m beyond excited. I would love a copy of your first book, because I seem to give them away as fast as I buy them (it’s my litmus test-I can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t get your humor). Plus I’ve already pre-ordered Furiously Happy…

Would love to come, but it would cost me about 100 (or more) of your books. But maybe you’ll find your way to Europe (preferably Austria) once? Anyways, feel free to send me a signed copy, I will accept this as an apology for not crossing the big sea.

If you decide to make Orlando a worthy destination, I have 2 couches and 3 cats. If you need someone to help make the theme parks less stressful I would gladly lend myself (at no cost) to be your personal guide through Disney or Universal.

I will be there. However i have a sad story. The Love of my life man of my dreams of 13 years. Threw away my signed copy of “Let’s Pretend” I was in KC and it was one of the top most best 10 days of my life, meeting you hearing your read being touched byt the same struggle. and i was with my best girls. Later i found out we were on board with #3,(i can’t help being irresistible, and the swimmer slipped through the goalie) we had to move bc we exceeded the capacity of our home well I’m 9 mths pregnant. So my husband purged the following in the move. I could not help as i was working and he is a Stay at home dad with 3 kids and I’m the bread winner. So he tossed the following: 2 dressers since we not have closets, book shelf, about 30 kids books, toys, bikes, lawn furniture, waffle iron, food processor, my jewelry box with jewelry in it, coats, clothing, toys, wedding bands and engagement ring, and most important MY SIGNED COPY OF LETS PRETEND.I didn’t even finish it. i mean one cant Laugh out loud without peeeing. So I will be in Minneapolis to see you to replace my most prized possession.

Toronto! Awesome, I’m totally making my mom come with me. We both read your first book, one time we were trying to retell the story of you with the kitchen drawers to my dad, but we were both laughing so hard, that he just kept looking at us strangely and i don’t think he ever figured out what happened. 🙂

Long time worshiping… first time commenting: All Hail The Bloggess! I am beside myself with Joy that you will be here in Do-Dah (aka Wichita, Ks.) on November 6th… in my freakin’ neighborhood… at my local bookstore (Watermark)! Joy, my other self and I cannot wait to read your new book. Oh, I should probably tell you… Joy is the name of my big metal chicken. Maybe you could sign him? I’ll bring him with me to the signing but, he probably won’t get out of the car. He has become quite the introvert after losing his waddle a few years ago.

Dude, I live in Detroit and you can totally stay at my house if you sign books here. I promise not to be too weird, just weird enough to make you feel safe with your tribe. Also, I could potentially (actually) get you a place to read and sign here if Michigan is something you are interested in. Let me know!

I want a book! I will come see you in Austin! Will you sign my naked GI Joe? (He’s not truly naked, he has his boots on, like any good Texan.) If it is an either/or thing… and I am the amazing winner… I want the signed book! GI Joe is my brother’s anyway – but I’ve held him hostage for years. I post pictures of him on Facebook.
I think all of us at my library will be coming to see you in Austin.
Apparently library employees like posts about dead stuff.
Or just your writing. It is pretty awesome. I’m recommending your books to our bibliographers.
Everyone should request them at their local libraries!
Okay, I’m just excited. I’ll be the one holding the naked GI Joe. Please don’t have them remove me.

OMGoodness! I am totally making the 4 hour treck to Boston just to have you sign my pre-ordered book. Once there I will most likely turn into that crazy shy person who stumbles through a run on sentence about how I forgot to bring a pen (and or the book). Even though most likely pens will be provided and I could just buy a second book as we are in a bookstore. sigh I adore the first book it has been passed around to all of my friends and family and is in very loved shape now it has brought cheer to some dark days and for that I as well as all of them say thank you for doing what you do and having the courage to put your triumphs on paper for the world!!

I have two spotted leopard geckos. They are not warm and fuzzy. They are reptilely and a bit cold and their fingernails are prickly and they lick their eye balls and sleep all day. If they get scared, they drop their tails. I have not seen them do this yet, but I’ve heard it’s quite impressive to see a detached tail jerking all around going, “Hey! Look at me! Try and eat me! Don’t eat that gecko that is running away because that part doesn’t taste good. But I’m delicious, so nibble on me!” Actually a friend said it happened to her gecko and she said it was pretty disgusting to watch a twitching tail and then it took months for the new tail to grow back. I do have a couch, though! And a blanket. I’d recommend putting the blanket on your arms before letting the geckos walk on you so it’s less prickly. And I promise they only lick their own eye balls. That would be one humdinger of a greeting…. “Nice to meet you! Ok, would you please take off your glasses?” LICK Maybe it’s best if I just leave them in their tanks while you are visiting. 🙂

I’m way closer to Philly or Baltimore, but since I went to school in NYC and miss the city terribly, I will make the drive if I have to. But you better still be there when I get there. I’ll bring tator tots. And Xanax. But you really could save yourself a lot of trouble if you just give us the book today.

Can’t wait for your Denver visit. We live in Loveland, at the base of the rocky Mountains. You’re cordially invited to sleep on our pop up twin bed abd drink wine with us on “the veranda”. And by veranda, I mean covered patio with round bulb lights. Can’t wait for your tour, see you at Tattered Cover. Also, thanks for helping me win the bet I had with my husband!

Are you joking? I move out of Atlanta in late July/early August to start medical school! You’re killing me Jenny! (But I would kill for a copy of your new book, I finally acquired the first one and I read it non-stop… OK I did stop but most of that was because I was laughing. So pick me pick me!)

YAY TORONTO!!! Just a short Train ride away for me! Last time I hadnt had the chance to experience your wonderful writing but this time I TOTALLY know about it and will come. AND probably spread cat hair on you since I seem to always be covered in it but Fergus doesn’t like travelling so he won’t come 😦

Oh MY LANDS! Third Place Books! There is no excuses, you are coming to my local bookstore! That is it, it is on my calender. What do you need? What should I bring you??? I’m so close you could totally hang out at my house before the event, I have 2 acres and my neighbors have annoying chickens, It would be just like Texas. My dog is super shy so she will let you pet eventually.
Super Super excited. I will bring jam.

YES! I’ve missed you any time you’ve been in or close to St. Louis! Your blog is a family affair in my house. I’ve already contacted the book store to make sure we can get in to see you. My teenage daughter is having a rough time with life right now. I told her you were coming to town in November and she got so excited! I haven’t seen her that excited about anything in far too long! Thank you for doing what you do! Hope we get to meet you in November!

I preordered the new one, but I would love a signed copy!! Last time you were in Illinois I had a panic attack and couldn’t see you, but I am going to figure out how to get to Chicago to see you this time!!!

I would love a copy of your new book to read & then put next to the signed copy I have of “Let’s Pretend.” Since I’m lucky if I can plan dinner for tonight, I can’t promise I’ll make it out to the DC Book Signing, but in the meantime I put together a Pinterest swag shop so all my friends can see I want the new book and pre-order it, or, anything else from the board!!! https://www.pinterest.com/asoulm8/need-me-some-bloggess-swag/

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened!!!!! I don’t want you to have to sign my kindle. 🙂 Ahhhh I’m so excited that you’re coming to Chicago!!! Can’t wait for your new book and to meet you!!!! BEST news of the day!!!!!!

Jenny! I’d definitely like one of your new books. I have a couch and FOUR cats (at your service, unless it’s taxidermy service and then their mom objects). Former bookseller and I personally led many people to your book, extolling praises for it!

my couch is your couch. I never share, but totally will with you. I have lots of kids so they can fetch things all night for us. Like if we drop the remote and stuff. It happens. They can make ice tea, popcorn and toaster grilled cheesesus and that’s all you really need out if life. Oh and I have fibro wicked bad…we can play spin the pain killers and whine to each since no one else listens to me anymore….

Love you and what you do! Would love to get a book. I have a daughter whose 7….so we need to start learning her now, the right way. It takes the Blogess and a Mommy to raise a girl. The boys will take some work….

Woohooooo! I will see you in Los Angeles!
I not only have a cat, i have a guest room, live close to the location of your event, and will wait on you hand and foot, be your personal slave while you’re here. Or ignore you and let you and the cat hide under the bed together, whatever works.
I’d love an autographed copy of your book. Taxidermied shit, not so much. If you bring taxidermied shit, you might have to leave it in the car or the dog might eat it. She ate a can opener yesterday. She’s like that.

Thank goodness you posted this. It’s about a month after the kids are back in school and I’ll certainly need a reason to get out of the house and away from homework and reading Olivia the Pig for the 9000 time.
I’ll see you on September 23rd–I’ll bring the wine, or tequila, whatever you want.

I have a massive couch. No cats, but I do have three adorable stupid dogs, two fluffy bunnies, one sassy guinea pig, and three weird ass parrots.
Does that work?
I would love an autographed new book, even if I’m not picked, I will see you in San Francisco!

I’d love to come to see you, but unfortunately the Atlantic Ocean is in between me and all the cities mentioned in your book tour. But if you do end up just south of the Scottish/English border, I’d be happy to evict my teenage daughter from the sofa for you. Sadly we don’t have any cats, but one of my daughters is called Cat if that helps?
Also, I would love an autographed copy of Furiously Happy.

I’m in the burbs of DC. I have sofas, beds, cats and a greyhound that acts like a cat!! I have a 4 bedroom house all to myself so you can have peace n quiet and a rest if you need it! I also have clonapin and/or alcohol.

I’d love a copy of your new book. Asked for and received your first book for Christmas that year. I don’t have cats, but my kids are two of the snuggliest snugglers who ever snuggled, so they might work.

You’re getting more awesome all the time! I have your first book, which is wonderfully hilarious, and have pre-ordered a copy of your second one. I can’t wait to read it! I’m sure it will be at least as good as your first. Getting a signed copy would fill one of the top slots in my bucket list! Another thing that would fill one just above it would be if you’d come to some nice small city near Detroit (there are LOTS of them) so your lots of fans in this area, including me, could finally get to meet you!!!

I am so going to try and make your signing in Minneapolis if my anxiety lets me out of the house. I will bring you a cat to help you sign those books. I would love a book but really I just want to meet you!

Emotional roller coaster achieved. My inner monologue just went like this: YAY! Book tour! Where at? checks cities NYC – I LIVE THERE! She’s coming to my city! When?! checks dates 10/15… CRAP. I’ll be on vacation – and with the friend who got me reading you at all, in fact. A signed book would make up for my utter disappointment at not being able to see you. Okay, not really – no substitute for the real thing, but it’d still be lovely!

Oh, I will definitely be there to see you in Tempe and would LOVE a copy of your new book! Re-reading your first for the gazillionth time right now. Well, not right now, obviously. While I have many, many talents, reading and typing simultaneously aren’t among them. I should probably work on that.

Awwww man, no Salt Lake City? But we’re right on the drive between Denver and Seattle! Even if it were in SLC I’d still have to drive about an hour and a half to get there, but it’s better than the almost 9 hours to Denver. I’ll just have to console myself by hunting for vintage taxidermy in every antique store in town.

On your last tour, I asked to make your portrait, and you said yes, and then I chickened out and didn’t even come say hello in the signing line after the reading. I will do better in St. Louis in November.

What would be really cool would be if I could do photos for everyone. I wonder if you or Left Bank would be up for that? There could be props, or silly hats, or something.

One Canadian stop? But we love you on the west coast too! We want to see you in Vancouver! And in case you didn’t see the map, Vancouver is a VERY LONG WAY from Toronto!
I’ll buy your book. I’ll donate to charities. I’ll find you an extremely sassy Canadian stuffed animal for your collection that Victor will despise. Anything, if you’ll just come here please!

I have already pre-ordered your book. As soon as I’m done commenting here I am going to convince my boyfriend that for an early Christmas present we need to go to Denver in November… I was recently there for some testing and doctor crap so it would be cool to be able to actually enjoy it! Although while I was there I did get to finally meet a fellow Lawsbian. We have been friends online for three years now and she was the first Lawsbian I got to meet. It was exciting! hugs

Thank you so much for making my days suck less everyday! I would love an autographed copy of your book, either one would be fine with me! I am still in process of reading the second book but the first one left me in stitches everyday. I read it three times!

I used to live in Dayton and am not surprised that you’re going to Books & Co., as it’s a great bookstore with wonderful employees. I’m really hoping you come somewhere close to the Sunshine State (aka FL) during the winter portion of your tour. I have a couch, a blanket, 2 cats and a dog. If that won’t work for you, I’d love to have one of your signed books. Either is fine. Failing that, I’ll buy them unautographed if I have to do so. (sad trombone is sad) 😦

Jenny! I’m so excited you’re coming back to Boston. You’re most welcome to stay in my kickass guest room (it’s a whole floor) close to Porter Square Books. Lotsa privacy & peace & quiet. Or not — whatever works for you.We’re ridiculously catless now, but we’ll be all catted up by October.

Damn it! Toronto gets to have all the Canadian bragging rights! After spending some time in Toronto in October, you might decide next time spring in VANCOUVER, BC is the way to go! 😛
Depending on the exchange rate, I might see if I can make it to the Seattle signing.
I can’t wait to get the new book!!
All the best.

Yes! I saw you last time in Phoenix and your signed book is one of my favorite things. Your writing has saved me many nights, made me feel less alone. I’ve been in China teaching English for the past 8 months and I’ve been missing so many cool concerts and events. But I’ll be back for this! I’ll definitely be in Tempe!

OHHHHH!!!! You should totally come to Fargo, ND on your way to Minneapolis. I WANT to meet you so bad. I had to miss you the last time you came to Minneapolis with your 1st book, because my coworker called dibs and I had to stay and work. 😦 She did get you to sign my book and a Juanita baby card for me since I was pregnant at the time. It is one of my treasured possessions because it’s from her who is an awesome friend and it’s signed by you! If you can’t come to Fargo to visit me then, a signed copy of your second book would have to do. 😉

I have TWO sofas and one cat. But my neighbors have two more, and I’m sure we can borrow them. Come to Madison, WI! It’s sort of halfway between Chicago and Milwuakee? We can pretend. Keep rockin’ your awesome!

To add to the many comments of LOVE…I and my son cannot wait to see you!!!

On the last book tour, I met you…OK…I ran (quietly) out of the house on one of those “I-need-to-get-out-of-the-house-before-I-kill-all-of-you-crumb-makers-sort-of-days” to go see you…my teenage son then found your (signed) book and was like…”HEY…YOU MET JENNY WITHOUT ME???” So I have promised in a blood oath that he can come with me this time.

We will see you and I hope this tour is easier on you…or you have learned the right combo of meds. BUT since we are each other’s tribe….we understand completely.
Love and HUGS!!!
Sarah aka The Queen

I cannot offer you cats, couches or hedgehogs but I can tell you that when you are in DC you can get really excellent pizza at Comet Ping Pong about 4 doors down the street from Politics and Prose. I’ll even bring some to you at the book store if you’re too tired/rushed/otherwise engaged.

I was so excited because I’m within driving distance of Chicago Milwaukee and St. Louis but can’t make any of those dates because of work! 😒 I’ll have to settle for an autographed copy. Would love it!!

I really hope I can make it to Boston to see you this time around. If you decide to come to Western Mass (Northampton, specifically), I have a sofa and two cats and I’m sure I can procure some tater tots between now and October.

I’m totally there- San Francisco. Wishing you were going further in tho to the suburbs east of the city. If you come in a day early my book group would love to have you. We have already decided to read it in the fall 🙂

Oh my gosh! I live a couple hours from St. Louis, MO but I am going to take what will likely be my depressed ass (getting darker earlier blues and all) to have you sign a book for me! I just want to see you in person! If I don’t faint. Oh God, what if I faint….

Yay! (Happy dance) So exited that I’ll be able to see you up close and personal. I’ll be the fan that can’t talk or will only talk in non-sequiturs that make sense to no one, ever, not even me. Sorry for the creepiness in advance. 🙂

Yay Seattle! I live on an island, have a comfy couch, and a sweet old dog whose favorite hobby is napping! I don’t have cats, but there is a handsome gray one who likes to sit on the fence, letting his boy bits hang down for all to admire. So looking forward to reading your new book!

You should come to Savannah, Ga, OR Jacksonville, FL, OR Charleston, SC. Any of these that aren’t Atlanta, I just can’t do Atlanta. I know of so many people who’d love to come that can’t make it to Atlanta.

BUT, I’ve already ordered your book and I’m impatiently waiting for September to get here by re-reading your first one, it’s still just as hilarious as the first time around!

I’m so excited that you’re coming to visit! I’ll have to bake you a cake. It might be covered in cat hair, though. The last time I tried to bake a cake, my cat decided that the top of a very warm cake that was cooling on the counter would be the perfect place to take a nap.

Maybe tea and crumpets instead of cake. Hmm.

I’ll definitely be coming to see you, and bringing a good friend of mine as well. We’ve both pre-ordered copies of the new book, but another copy is always welcome! I look forward to seeing you soon(ish)!

I just want to add that I know where some hedgehogs are in the Savannah area. I could possibly finagle a field trip for them, but we’d have to call them guinea pigs, because hedgehogs are illegal in Georgia. 🙂

Corte Madera!! I can do that. It’s a great bookstore. And I have 3 couches, lots of blankets, and a cat who loves me insanely but might hide unless you stay for a while. I do have a guest room and I’ll fix the oven by then so there’s tater tots…he’s worth the wait (the cat that is).

Oh! The closest to me you’ll be is DC. And while I absolutely love you, that’s still 5 hours away and a load of miserable traffic. But I’d graciously welcome a signed copy of the new book. Plus, if you come further south in VA (like VA Beach or Norfolk) you are more than welcome to come lay on my couch with my crazy cat and some pretty adorable preschool girls.

I’m furiously happy that you’re coming to San Fran this winter!!! I haven’t gotten my hands on your new book yet 😦 But Let’s Pretend This Never Happened is still the funniest thing I have ever read – I can’t wait!!!

Oh my goodness, I’ll be permanently living in Houston by the time you come around for your signing tour. This might need to happen! I put it on my calendar. I’ve never gotten a book signed. But for you? I might.

You’re not coming to Utah? I live in Utah. But, my daughter lives in Portland. Maybe this is the excuse I need to visit my daughter. But, November. Just to warn you, it rains in Portland in November. But, if I come to Portland in November to see you, I could bring my daughter’s two dogs to your signing, or better yet, invite you to visit her home, which happens to be a sailboat on the Columbia River. We could have grown-up beverages and chips and salsa. This is sounding better all the time. But, better not bring any taxidermied stuff, the dogs will think you have brought them treats! And, to answer your question, I would love either book signed.

Oh, gosh, I am already moving at the end of May. I can’t afford to move again so will have to just hope for a signed copy of new book, or old book, or one of my 3 cats, or the couch – you decide. I don’t want to be high maintenance. 🙂

I’d love to get a signed copy of your new book, but considering you don’t come anywhere near me, (no one good ever comes to Pennsylvania), I’ll have to settle for hoping I win the free one to be sent in September or buying a book and forging your signature in it, which wouldn’t be pretty.

Saw you in Dayton last time. It’s on my calendar for this year already. It’s at the bookstore that wouldn’t let you swear… (I have a spare couch and two cats, but I don’t live close-by.) I have two copies of you past book already signed, BTW. Looking way forward to the new one.

I would love a book. Unfortunately you aren’t coming very close to me but if you end up coming through Iowa I have couches, 3 cats, a dog that thinks she is a cat, and multiple children that would happily entertain you with any type of living room theatre performance you desire.

I’m really looking forward to the book – I have re-read your first book so many times, it would fall apart if it weren’t digital. But that means I get to laugh with you (and cry with you) again and again.
Will you sign my Kindle if I bring it?

I would love to have a signed copy of either of your books! I missed getting the original, but as soon as I saw you have the new one coming out, I said to myself, “I WILL get a signed copy this time!” Even if I’m not chosen, I’ll be watching for book plates or whatever you decide to do this time. I’m also looking at your DC date and hoping that I might be able to make it, or better yet, that a Richmond date will be added!!!

Sooooo happy you’re coming to Dayton!! It’s so thoughtful of you to give enough of an advanced warning to allow me to properly bedazzle something appropriate for the occasion! I pre-ordered the kindle version on Amazon, but now I must get a hardcopy!

I’m so down. I’d be happy with you signing the library copy I checked out. I’m sure they’d be fine with it too. I’d prefer the old copy because when I see you in Tempe, I’ll have you sign your new copy!

I would love to have something you touched. Like a creepy fan girl. Wow, I’m creepy! Please come to Saint John, New Brunswick Canada, we’re close-ish to Boston but soooo much better! We have Reversing Falls. Google them. They’re badass. They don’t follow the rules!

There is no Oklahoma on this tour! and we have tigernadoes here! I realize you set the tour before the tigernado, but now you know about them. How can you resist? Maybe we can arrange a special fall tornado with tigers in your honor.

No one ever comes to my town. But we have a cool indie bookstore. And I have plenty of space for guests AND I have two cats so you could totally stay at my house. Just something to let your people know.

OMG! My city is on here! What am I going to wear? Should I put curlers in my hair? It’s been done, but… Will there be a big crowd? Of course there will! Can I handle a big crowd? Can i make myself handle a big crowd? Should I buy a hard copy of the “Let’s Pretend…” or have her sign the back of my Kindle?

I hope I can make it down to DC to see you in October. I don’t suppose you’d consider coming to Baltimore? No? Sigh. I don’t really blame you. I would love a copy of your new book. I will buy one if I don’t win it, but having it autographed would seriously kick ass!

Aw man! Closest city to me is about 2 hours away. Contemplates missing work to meet favorite author… I think it’s a must. I would be FURIOUSLY HAPPY if I received a signed copy of your first book, which would make it that much more important for me to get to Toronto to get a signed copy of your second book.

Woohoo! You’re coming to Corte Madera! I’d love a signed copy of your book, but I’ll at least get something when you’re here. And you can totally borrow a couch, a couple of cats, some VERY random taxidermy (or what’s left – bad kitties!), and rusty Texas sculptures if you want.

You have to go right past me to get from Boston to Toronto. I mean RIGHT. PAST. ME. (if you were driving, that is, which I assume you aren’t, so I’ll just wave to your plane as you fly over). Just in case you need to stop and rest your signing hand, I’ll keep the tater tots warm for you and load the couch with blankets. We could even make a fort over it so you could hide if you wanted to. No cats, just a 70+ lb Black Lab named Rummy. She’d be your BFF. Especially if you have tots. I’d love a copy of your new book! I’ve been reading your first one a little at a time in an effort to make it last longer. 🙂

I can’t wait!!! Politics and Prose on Oct 12!!!! I”ll have my copy of “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened” ready for your John Hancock!! And I can’t wait to add Furiously Happy to my Jennie Lawson Library!

I would love a signed copy! I loved loved loved your first book….listened to it on my way to deer camp last fall and about wet myself with laughter…wait, I think I did! It continues to be my go to audio book in the car….hubby is convinced one day the guys in the white coats are going to pull up at a stop light and do a grab and snatch to haul me away! Your blog has become my salvation….have I mentioned I work in a middle school…..Cray Cray!

It feels silly leaving this comment as 537 since you’ll probably never see it, but I wanted you to know that I might have burst in to tears when I saw you were coming to Denver. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. UGH!! Can’t wait!!!!!

Boston? Boston? YES! And you are going to be here on a weekend when hubs can watch the monsters and there is less traffic. I officially love you. I mean, more than I already did. Like my kid told me the other day, I love you big like Mt. Everest, except instead of rock, my love is that big but made of chocolate peanut butter cups.

I think that sums it up. And I would adore and possible cuddle with a signed book, should I win one!

Excited to see you’re coming to Wichita!! Nobody EVER comes to Wichita!! We’re like the forgotten ugly step sibling that everyone wants to hide. So, THANK YOU!!!
Do I need tickets? I want tickets! And… I would gladly take a signed copy of anything that you have to give. Children, hedgehogs, whatever!!

It’s a date! You are on my calendar for 11/2 in Minneapolis. It will be crazy cold, so dress appropriately. I have a couple of couches if you really need a place to hide out, sadly, no cats – but I can probably borrow a few if you REALLY needed one to snuggle with.

Once again the tour skips right over Las Vegas 😦 I have 3 cats and a comfy sofa AND I am from San Angelo but you never want to come see me. Oh well, I am hoping to win a copy and if not, I know I will be buying it…CANNOT wait!!!!!

I have 3 cats (2 will sleep with you) and can throw in a few dogs too, but it’s a long commute to the DC or Atlanta venues. Would love to be in the running for a copy of your new book as I am a huge advocate of your writing. You make me cry (with the funny stuff). Have a wonderful tour!

Sure! I move away from Santa Cruz, so you go there. Le sigh. It’s beautiful there; you’ll love it. I still miss it! Guess I’ll have to buy multiple copiess of your new book and surround myself, and recently purchased stuffed critters, with them on my sofa while eating tots, pretending I’m there.

WINE. Yes, wine. In fact, a whole COUNTRY of WINE. Or Wine Country. We’re not our own country but we totally could be. Right above San Francisco, even! Okay, an hour from San Francisco. Look what an easy detour it would be to completely modify your travel plans so that I don’t have to drive anywhere just by coming to Santa Rosa. Did I mention there’s wine? Cause oh baby do we have wine!

Hi, I don’t need to win a book because I already got you last book for my friend who has breast cancer, and she’s cleared which was probably due to your book… But any way, I can’t move because my life force flows from this place, sooOOOoooo, signed book plates? I already pre-ordered….

I can’t wait for Furiously Happy!!! But you REALLY need to be coming to Salt Lake City. I know tons of people here who have read your first book. Well I gave it to a lot of them… I don’t know that many people though, so knowing tons who have read your book is impressive for me! Anyways, if you come, I promise a warm blanket. Cross my heart. I may even be able to rustle up a cat or two…..

I’m so glad you are coming to Denver! Everyone always forgets about Denver and just hovers on either coast like if they go too far from an ocean they lose their powers or something and I get so sad but you are coming and that makes everything all better. Also, I have both couch and cats! Also also, hooray for signed books.

I live in DC. Well, Near it. About seven miles from Politics & Prose. So if you need a sofa and some tea and two fluffy dogs to relax you (if barking and ear licking relaxes you) then I’m your man. Woman. Whatever. And you can not only send me a signed book, when you visit you can sign all of my books, thousands of them, by other people. If you’d like.

I was late to the game with your last book – I bought it a few months ago. The story about you on the toilet and the mysterious note made me laugh until I cried. I couldn’t stop laughing about it for the rest of the day.

And put the UK on your tour! We may or may not have a government by then…

You are coming to my city on my birthday! Screw the birthday dinner, I’m getting me a signed book. So, while I would love a copy of your new book or your first book signed, I would feel a bit guilty since I own one and have pre-ordered the other, and can (hopefully) get both signed when you come to Atlanta!

I will take whatever you’ll give me!! Also, if you seriously want a place to stay in Portland, my husband and I are moving from Texas to Vancouver (minutes from Portland) in 6 weeks! We’re moving into a giant house w our baby boy and 2 cats. So you’ll have cats and a place to sleep, lol.

I still don’t have your last book, so I would LOVE a signed copy of it! Seriously. I need something to make me laugh until I cry due to our current living situation. And I will be there in Tempe when you come through my neck of the woods. You are my bloggy crush and I would love to meet you. (Totally not a stalker or some freaky weirdo. I’m too poor to do that shit.)

I would be Furiously Happy to receive a signed copy of your new book! But for now I better go…I need to start looking for a new home since you’re not visiting my humble state of Iowa. If we organized a Corn Carnival in your honor would you visit? Just let me know.

I would be furiously happy to win an autographed copy of Furiously Happy. I was also furiously happy to see you will be visiting Canada, a mere two hours away from where I live (that’s next door in Canadian-speak). Waiting excitedly. And furiously.

Will there be links for the DC Politics and Prose in the future? I know their in-store events aren’t ticketed, but it’s not listed quite yet and.. we’re all weird and excited and on the off chance they change it to ticketed because you’re an awesome badass author woman, I’m not missing out, yo.

And so begins my period of mourning that you will not be gracing Vancouver with your presence. I don’t think I can make the Seattle signing, but I’ll try and be there in spirit. If you feel a cold, slightly sarcastic chill in the air, that’s me in spirit.

Toronto is the only Canadian city?! sobs hysterically Calgary is in driving distance from me, Jenny. Calgary is worth the travel. Cause I could be there. Tell someone Calgary has to be added, m’kay? flutters eyelashes imploringly

Why aren’t you coming to Lynchburg, Virginia? Ted Cruz did, and I would WAY rather see you than Ted Cruz. You are welcome (both in Lynchburg and for saying I’d rather see you than Ted Cruz). Anyway, I’ve preordered your new book (to go along with my two copies of the old one, because I needed to have hardcover and paperback), but I would prefer a signed copy if you can make that happen …

Oh my, I am so furiously happy you are coming to Nashville!!!! Tearing up with happiness. Not to the point of being stalkerish, but this is the best news I have had in a long time. I can’t wait to see what your more crafty fans bring. Squeeeeeeee!!!!

When you were in Boston to sign Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, the lines were LOONNNGGGG 🙂 (I stepped into an open closet at the side of the room near the front in order to get closer to seeing you, hahaha!) I’m sure they’ll be even longer this time. Maybe I should get in line at Porter Square Books today??…

I live in South Dakota, and I planned to travel to see you when you were in Minneapolis on your last book tour. Two days before the trip my grandmother died and I had to cancel. I am making plans to see you in Minneapolis in November. If my grandpa dies and I have to cancel again I call witchcraft. And why do you have it out for my family?
I can’t wait to see you, I would love a signed copy of your book, or a signed copy of my grandma’s obituary. Either/or, really…

are you doing any signings in San Antonio or just in Austin? I’m in New Braunfels so I can go either way. (that’s what she said *nudge nudge wink wink). and if you are in the Big NB, let me know, wine slushies on me. well… in a cup, but I’ll pay and i’ll even throw in some tator tots.

I’m so EXCITED for another book! I’m in Charleston SC so not close enough but will send you mental tots instead. I’m going to get that book one way or another so I’m sure there’s a store near me where I can acquire it and then explain to my boyfriend that it’s not another book about taxidermy.

Woohoo! Added you to my calendar and invited a friend – can’t wait to see you in Tempe!!! Seeing as I’ve already got a signed copy of your first book, can I have the new one come September? Pretty please?

Are we able to buy tickets to this or is it first come/first serve? I would LOVE to see you in MSP!
(Each store does it differently but mostly it’s all the same: free admission, all books signed but people who bought their book at the store hosting the event usually get to go to the front of the signing line and get a few perks/better seats. There might be a few stores that do it a bit differently but that’s mainly how it works. ~ Jenny)

I am looking so forward to your new book. The first one is amazing and healing…so I am full of yay!

Hoping to make it to the Chicago date. We should be midway through our haunted house run by that point, but I’m gonna try very hard to be there. (You of course have an open invite to come on down to Kalamazoo to visit said haunt and to give our cats a chance to tell you how neglected they are because it’s Halloween and we’re never home, dang it.)

And yes, go check out the Wooly Mammoth in Chicago. It’s a small place with an amazing selection of stuff, and when I was there, they also had a very sweet dog that was happy to escort us around the store and give us chances for puppy petting. 🙂

I wish I lived near one of these places cause I’m totally good for a cat and tater tots 🙂 I’m with the person above if Ted Cruz can make it to our part of the world, you can too. Oh well, I’ll just have to preorder the book and be happy with that for now.

I don’t have any hedgehogs, but I do have blankets, couches, cats, AND tater tots. You’re more than welcome to come cower with me, but you’ll have to add a Vegas date to your tour first. Or not, you could just make a quick detour to my house. That’d work too.

(Although… I do feel it’s only fair to warn you that one of my cats is about as cuddly as Copernicus, so cowering with him might be less than therapeutic.)

Sqeee! LBB in STL I even has cats randomly wandering the store,,, I think they are supposed to be there. Probably, anyway! And thats a Wednesday so i’ll be OFF. YAY, That’s even my old neighborhood! I don’t have a baby for you to sign… if I can’t convince her to have a csection early enough that i can borrow my niece or nephew for that day will you sign my sister in laws stomach?

Milwaukee here I come! I would love a signed copy of your new book… And I will still buy anyway since I already pre-ordered… And have to go buy a third copy of the first one since I keep giving them away…

Changing Hands (Tempe) is not giving me a pre-order option. I already have a pre-order in place at Amazon but I would much prefer to support the local small business and get preferred seating for myself and my daughter (cute redhead, asks a lot of questions, everyone loved her last time around…way more mature this time around) Although Amazon price will be cheaper, I would pay more to sit up front and get to visit with you sooner 🙂 You have saved my life more than once and my family appreciates that greatly.

(You are full of awesome and I can’t wait to see you. Some of the stores might be a bit behind on getting it on their sites. Sent out an email to let them know that people are looking for it. Thanks for the heads up! ~ Jenny)

I’ll see you in Tempe! I do have a couch. And cats. 4 cats. That might be enough to keep you warm. They are assholes, though, so maybe a blanket would be better. I also have tater tots. But no hedgehogs. I can work on that. I have 7 months. Well, maybe I shouldn’t promise a hedgehog. My asshole cats might eat it. And that would be traumatizing for everyone. (especially the hedgehog). (P.S. I would be forever grateful for a signed copy of your first book RIGHT NOW)

I’m in Denver! You can totally hang with me and Chuy (my Chihuahua that’s like a cat). You may remember us from a random email a few years back about me thinking you had pictures of my dog in a tuxedo but it was yours. It’s clearly destiny…

I used to live right near Porter Square! Now I’ll have to drive from Maine, but at least it’s on a Saturday! I missed your first book signing in Boston because it was my bachelorette party, but one of my best friends got your book signed for me in Seattle instead – she’s a great friend. I’d love a signed copy of the new book!

we have an extra room AND a kitty (and a dog )in the Portland “suburbs.” We don’t move in for another week, so I don’t know exactly how nice it actually is and my future mother-in-law told us she bought crank there a few decades ago “but it looks like the neighborhood has changed” so there’s that But the pictures look lovely and we didn’t see anyone that looked like a drug-addict when we drove around the area. And did I mention there’s a pool? So. You know. It’s a pretty legit drug den if that’s what it is.

Maybe I’m pitching the wrong features….

Um… Did I tell you about our cat?

In any case, I pre-ordered from Powell’s the day it became available and I am so pumped you’re coming to town!

I feel like you should stop in El Paso during your expedition and then I can show you my dead things (which includes two pigs, many insects, a mink ,a couple of sharks, and a bedazzled fox hat). I would love to show you my dead things and also give you a hug. I need a hug. And a free book. I’d love a copy of your new book!

Dang, not Raleigh?? I have cats! Well, one cat. And two dim Lhassas (“Lhassa Apso” is Tibetan for “Stupid Dog.”) Also The World’s Most Comfortable Couch, but you may have an actual bed in the guest room should you choose.

perfect, because Sept 27th is my ONE YEAR wedding anniversary so now my husband will be able to come with me the day before to get my present 🙂 AND if you want to pick me, choose me, love me for the free autographed copy then my husband and I can BOTH get one for our anniversary, since I already preordered one 🙂 OR you could send me an autographed copy of your first book, because I just gave away my 3rd copy of it to my 13 year old daughter. Because she already knows all about the F word and she’s rad enough to handle it and now we have new inside jokes. So I could take my copy back and replace hers with an autographed one and I’m pretty sure that would give me a huge lead in Mama points 🙂 But either way I’ll SEE YOU IN DALLAS!!! Squeeeee!!

Let’s be real, this is a ploy to lock down the world record for the most small humanoids signed with Sharpies on a book tour, right? I already pre-ordered the book, but am now feeling great pressure to have my own baby to help you reach your goal. I am 45 now and am concerned about the freshness date of my eggs, but for you, I will give it a go.
After careful consideration, I have realized that I do not own or have access to a TARDIS or the ability to fuck with the space-time continuum and the absolute best I could do by November is offer a gestational cocoon, which is a poor substitute as it lacks the ‘wow factor” of the recently emerged or that new baby smell(poop and vomit)(hopefully).
I will consider your hedgehog counter-offer if you can give me a number amount for ‘a bag’. I don’t think I can go any lower than four because three’s a crowd, but four’s a party. Although, a party may not quite what you’re looking for. It’s less of a chill party where you drink wine and talk shit with your homies and more of a snarling pile of stabbing prickles and teeth of fury. But, with party hats.
Fuck it, I’ll bring you some tots. See you in Ptown.
Btw dude, you wrote another book! Way to go, you literary ball of awesome!

While I am super excited about your new book, the announcement that you were turning into a Badger was pretty exciting itself. I have read your first book so many times I lost count. The chapter on the Ex-lax and the cat shoving notes under the door is brilliant. It cracks me up every time. I only have one cat and she is completely insane. I rescued her from an animal shelter as a 5 week old baby. She had ringworm (which I got too from her), a fever, respiratory infection, diarrhea, you name it. She has been one big vet bill. I would love to say here that she returns it all with her undying love, but really she just terrorizes my dog and bites me when I try to pet her. She absolutely adores my husband, who did not want her at all. He takes pictures of the two of them together all the time and sends them to me. They are both traitors.

Austin is first, not San Antonio, ha! Take that Alamo City!! Hard to beat a bakery owner offering chocolate mousse, but, I will bring you all the tater tots I can carry and would absolutely swoon like a wilted Debutant over a copy of the new book.

You’re coming to Toronto? Fanfreakingtastic. Do you want to come to my house? I have cats, I have sofas, I have dogs, I have mice (but they are alive – lazy cats), I can arrange hedgehogs. I would invite all my friends that I gave a copy of your first book to. Now that would be a capital p Pah-tay! If not, I’ll come to you no worries. But Indigo may need a bigger store to accommodate your tribe.

I wish you were coming to Indianapolis, IN! I would even be willing to drive to Kansas City, MO (where my parents live) to see you, but alas… that isn’t on the list either. I hope that I will get to meet you someday! You are awesome, and I love you (but not in a creepy stalker kind of way… LOL). I would LOVE an autographed copy of your book! (I promise to cherish it forever! I will even take it for walks, so it can meet new friends and not be bored.) 😀

So here is how much I want to see you… I am deathly triskaidekaphobic but will still brave the mean streets of Seattle to see you in November. If I end up in the 13th seat of the 13th row, I may implode right there on the spot.

I will come see you in DC if you promise not to turn into a badger. I think I”m allergic to badgers. Or maybe it was bears. I get them confused. Either way, if I win, I’d LOVE the NEW book (already read the first book twice).

And here I thought that NOTHING could surpass my excitement when I learned that your new book was coming for real. And now, my eyes fall upon that wonderful word “TORONTO” in the midst of all the cities you will be visiting and my heart leapt with unbridled joy (and maybe a bit too much caffeine). I will be there, with bells on, and I plan to go early so I am near the front of the line. You have no idea how wonderful this is for me! It is already written on The Refrigerater Calender which means it is a Really Important Thing.

My husband and I think you should come to Tucson instead of Tempe. We are much cooler than the Phoenix area. We even have a book festival in the spring that attracts over 130,000 people, so we clearly love to read. I can offer you a whole bedroom with queen bed and insane Siamese cat (who has his own room because he tries to kill our other cat – he likes people tho’). We will try to get to Tempe if you can’t get here to the best part of Arizona.

I am coming to see you. I will be there, and uncomfortable and overwhelmed because I love you and you don’t know me and I’m meeting you and it’s awesome. I have cats and blankets if you need them. I’ll stock up on tater tots. I’m just excited to get to meet you in person and thank you for being you. 🙂

Hooray! i AM ALREADY HERE! Miami, Coral Gables that is. So looking forward to seeing you in my most favority book store on earth, Books & Books! If you need anything in Miami, Coral Gables, a ride, dinner, a home to visit with pets and wine, A ride to the Everglades to swamp walk at Clyde Butcher’s gallery (most favorite swamp on earch), please reach out I would be thrilled to be your guide! Boy that does sound creepy, but I am sincere, not certifiably nuts, not diagnosed that is, yet 🙂 Susan in Miami (Just another fan who has not only found solace, humor, but the courage to step out of the lonely box of depression and reach for the loving hands that are offered, time and again)

Jenny, I loves me some summertime, especially as an American living in the UK, when summer is the best weather we’ll get. But I will furiously wish for September to come so I can get a copy of that book! Your strength and courage have given me the strength and courage to tell myself that depression lies, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please come to London…you know, Big Ben, Parliament?

Portland representing! I will be there with bells on. Or without bells – I’m still deciding on that one. I have a fluffy couch, a futon, and the two sweetest, weirdest cats you’ve ever met. They’re also very soft. That’s an important selling point.

I am Furiously Sad that you are not currently scheduled in a city near me. The whole family is eagerly looking forward to your new book. Perhaps your local bookshop will accept orders for signed books? Pretty please?

Today is my birthday, and this is an awesome gift! (A free signed copy would be amazing too.) I will totally be there in Corte Madera, and if you don’t mind the hour long drive back up north to where I live, I’ve got a couch and four cats that would love to love you. I’ll have to work on the badger. Can’t wait!
~ Rebecca

We have nine cats in our house, and three we’d be okay with parting with, so I can definitely send you some if you want. However, one is what we’ve termed a periphery cat, which means she is always the furthest away from you and as close to the wall as possible at all times, so she might not help your warm sofa needs.

I’m going to try my hardest to meet you in Houston in September. And, as I’m a super-poor college student (living with my mom in my mid-30s which I’m still trying to bend my ego around), I’d love a free copy of your book, especially autographed by you. I loved your first one and I go back to it every time I get depressed (bipolar can occasionally seriously suck like that) because it makes me laugh until I cry, have an asthma attack, or pee a little–or a combination of them. I just realized I used parentheses twice in this three (now four) sentence paragraph. (Shit, now it’s four parentheses in five sentences.)

I am in Denver and will try to make it to see you, depending on where I am mentally at the time. But I will definitely be looking for the book. I bought your first one, loved it, gave it to my daughter who was in Seattle at the time and now my son here in Denver wants to read it. We are a weird clan all in ourselves.

I live in one of those cities and travel to others (and usually go to independent book stores when I do – best way to make everyplace feel like home) so you’ll see me at LEAST once…probably twice. I’ll bring tater tots*!

*Caveat: But probably only if the city has a Sonic. The quality from other places is just so inconstant.

Why can’t you come around Birmingham, AL? Huntsville is too far because I’ll be in school at the time. Drat, drat, drat. I’d even betray my bookstore and visit you at the competition if you’ll come! Your first book helped me through this last year of college. One more year and I graduate! Can’t wait to get your new book as well 🙂

YES I recently moved to Chandler so I can go see you in Tempe!! THIS IS AWESOME I AM SO EXCITED. I’ll try to calm down, I have four months to try. Also, signed copy of either? Probably old book because I’ll get one of the new book then 🙂

Saw you last time you were in Boston and will definitely be there this time!! Already pre-ordered the book but would love to win a copy so hubby & I can donate one to his work. He works at the state mental hospital in New Hampshire & we think your books would be a great read for the patients. 🙂

New Orleans, dammit. Come to New Orleans. We only have one very antisocial cat but we have three dogs and two couches. And two sons: one 6 foot tall and one 4 foot tall. I call them Moose and Squirrel.

Dammit, I also meant to say that we have two cats AND a couch, but we also have a spare room so if you need a place to hide or a cat fix when you’re in Boston, we live just outside the city and you are more than welcome. I am also a really good cook. I think that’s it this time for reals.

I have already added you to my calendar – for DECEMBER! See you at Vroman’s! (And I would LOVE a copy of your new book – or your old book – or your old grocery list . . . anything you’ve written or signed) I adore you madly!

Squee! I may camp out at Third Place in Seattle from now until November! No, wait. That sounded stalkery. And wet (it IS Seattle after all). Starting over…I will be at Third Place on the day with a bag of cheesy tater tots and a smile. A signed book would be awesome, although I’ve already preordered to have a copy in hand asap. Thanks for coming out to see us. 🙂

Of course I’ll be there! And I’ll bring friends!
Will you re-sign a shirt you’ve already signed? Because I plan to have you sign my shirt again. You can just add to it every time to come to town.

Also: I have a sofa and cats. I even have a spare bedroom. It’s yours if you want it! I can procure miniature goats, too. I don’t know why you’d need them after you’ve specified hedgehogs, but the option is there. Plus, I chauffeur. Ask Heidi Schultz.

Oh I’m so excited! I’m hoping I can come to your San Francisco event! My sister made a very cute 3D display shadow box with a cute little mouse in it’s living room. It was a gift for my mom. It was inspired by you. I think my sister deserves a signed copy:) I pre-ordered my book awhile ago. So excited about it and congrats on your new book! You’ve been such an inspiration to some very important people in my family who struggle with mental illness. Plus, my mom gave me excerpts from your “Lets pretend this never happened” book at my bridal shower. She made me read all the sticky notes comments between you and Victor in front of all my friends. I still got married. And I bought that book and love it!

NEVER thought you’d come back to my city again – Dayton, Ohio. I am furiously happy about it. Also, as a warning, remember that last time you were here, the store people made you refrain from cursing and it turned into a hippopotamus-fest. I want to give you plenty of warning so you can plan accordingly.

I live in Austin during the week. I have a couch there and no animals at all, but I do have a really nice apartment with a huge porch and the whole place is on a hillside, up in the trees. It’s highly likely that I’ll be at the book signing in Austin. Just because I was at your last signing in Austin that does not constitute stalking, so it’s totally OK for you to crash on my couch, even though I realize it’s not that far from Austin to your own bed.

I also live in Houston on weekends (although to be totally accurate, I live on a couple of acres in the boondocks west of Houston) in a nice Victorian home. I have a big couch there along with 4 dogs and 4 cats (although you’ll probably only see 2 of the cats). I’ll be in Houston when you’re doing your signing there, and if I don’t make it to the Austin signing, I’ll be at the Houston one. You’re more than welcome to crash on my couch in Houston, too / instead. I’d offer you my daughter’s room, but the backhoe rental to clean it out before you arrive might be too much.

So – I can offer you someplace to stay for two subsequent signings. And both for the low, low discount price of free.

Oh my gosh! Come see me. Sofas, cats, tater tots and hedgehogs? I have all of those things.. .well I have cats and a sofa. but I would totally go get some tater tots and even cook them. I think one of the kids had a stuffed hedgehog toy… I would be willing look around and see if I could find it….

You’re going to Boston & New York but thoroughly ignoring Hartford and New Haven — both cities to which I can get easily.
New Haven has the Peabody Museum — awesome dinosaurs.
And Hartford has Mark Twain’s house with a museum.

I’m so sorry that I’ll be out of the country in October. But Porter Sq. Books in Cambridge is awesome. Have a latte at the Zing! cafe in the bookstore, owned by a neighbor and named by another neighbor.

I had a ticket to see you on your last book tour in LA. I was about 7 weeks pregnant and was suddenly hit with that wave of exhaustion you only really get when you’re pregnant and I was standing in my kitchen sobbing, “I NEED TO SEE JENNY BUT I’M SO TIRED.” My boyfriend made me go to bed, so I missed it. I won’t be pregnant (HAD BETTER NOT BE GODDAMIT), so I am totally coming to see you.

Great. So many places, and you manage to completely miss all of Europe. That’s a whole CONTINENT where many people have never even heard of you, and may therefore be totally willing to let you sleep on their couch. Me, I have heard of you and would therefore offer a guest room. And two cats.

Oh, and I already have your first book, but would happily take the second one. Signed. Which the first one is not, because you never come to where I live. In Europe.

I would love a signed copy of your first book and will patiently wait for the second to come out and try to attend your signing in Bean town! And you can have my couch. I hate it. Whoever thought it was a good idea to get just a “love seat” to accommodate the smaller sized living room is evil. You cannot.stretch.out.ever. Congrats on the tour!

I would LOVE to have your new book. I already own your first book and have followed your blog for years. I even saw you last time you came to Portland, Or. for the book signing! I brought you birds in clothes on a branch! I would totally bring you tater tots when you’re here in Portland. 🙂

You should come to Ithaca, NY!! Or at least Buffalo cause that’s closer for me. C’mon, you know you wanna. Everybody’s doing it!
I’d rather see you, but if you want to send me a signed copy of the new book I guess that would work too. 🙂

I’d love to see you, but I’m stuck in Pennsylvania with my cat and couch, which is kept warm for the elderly cat with a heated blanket. I tried to buy your last book, but when I couldn’t find it in the shop someone who worked there tried to help me and I ran out. Stupid friendly bookstore. Then I tried to buy it online and I felt guilty for running out of the shop. And the cycle continues. So I’d love a book, and then I can try the bookstore again for the new book (and probably run out again).

Oh man you are going to be in Powell’s! I love that place, only reason to go to Portland in my opinion. Wish you were coming to Orlando! I’d actually drive to Miami to see you but I am going to be in Utah, when you are in Miami. Quel bummer.

Oh and if you do come to Orlando, I have a guest house you can have. We don’t have hedgehogs, but we do have one completely batshit crazy cat, two geriatric dogs and we have random racoon incursions, plus the neighbors free range chickens are prone to making incursions. I’ll name one Beyonce.

Are you sure you don’t want to come to Ann Arbor, MI on your tour? It’s quite a lovely town and you can even get some good shawarma if the mood hits. I would love a visitor (always makes for a good excuse to bake a cake, as I cant make one for myself without getting a lecture on healthy eating habits)…i have a comfy couch and several kitties, although the youngest cat is kind of obnoxious and on any given day I expect to come home to find that she has been eaten by the Queen Bee herself (our 18yr old cat) just out of spite because cats tend to get a bit grumpy that way when a young whippersnapper is chewing on their neck. Bring Hailey – my 11 yr old daughter would adore having a kayak buddy. I just bought your first book (finally, my own copy!), so would adore having an autographed copy of the next one. Or an autographed sticker bookplate thingy for this first one, if that is easier to send.

I can’t wait to meet you! I am happy about your new book! Will you be doing an audio book version? I love listening to you. It is so exciting that you’ll be right here in Tennessee!
Now stay healthy, don’t overdo it! This is gonna be huge!
BTW of you want a quiet place in the country to stay while you’re in TN, let me know. I have a comfy extra bedroom with cable AND air conditioning! LOL

I’ll be seeing you in Toronto – hopefully – if things aren’t too chaotic and Murphy decides to pick on someone else at that time. Even if I am selected to get an autographed copy of the book, I will still show up to support & then go hide for days afterwards like a good little introvert.

I have a couch AND cats AND tater tots, just outside of NYC. No hedge hog yet, but I’m sure I could procure one…. Absent that, I would still love a signed copy of your new book. Oh, and I’m totally serious about the couch and cats and tots. You could even have your own room to hide in!

I have your first book. I’ve pre-ordered your second book. What I really want is a poster from the tour, with your signature. It would totally freak out my cubicle neighbors and would make me happier (in a furious kind of way). Not a big one, just the one that they put on foam core and stand up on the table where you sign the books. Please. Please. Pretty please, with a cat on top?????

OMG you’re coming to Pasadena, and I live in Burbank (which is really close, in the grand scheme of things) and I have a FUTON (which is a sofa you can sit on or a bed you can sleep on) that has your NAME ALL OVER IT in cats! Please oh please oh please won’t you spend a night or a day or twenty minutes on it? THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!

In other news, I’d love to “win” the latest copy of your book. To get it September-ish means I have plenty of time to brain-devour it before you sleep on my futon in December! W00t!

I could hypothetically attend Dayton (I live about two hours north in Toledo). It really depends on how the job searching and job getting goes. Or if I can convince my family that this would be a nice birthday present.
I am really, really excited to read Furiously Happy. I loved Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. I keep a copy by my bed to read if I can’t sleep at night (I hope that doesn’t seem like an insult). It still makes me laugh no matter how many times I read it.

LA is just a few hours away… however the timing coincides with when the small growing thing inside of me will then be a several-week old baby… so we’ll see 🙂 In the meantime, I cannot think of better bedtime stories for my soon-to-be-kiddo than reading from a signed copy of your original or new book! Congrats on the upcoming tour!

This just made my day. I am in Dallas and can’t wait to meet my imaginary best friend. Not that you don’t exist, just probably not fully aware that we are friends……now I just sound creepy . never mind. Don’t read this anymore……now I’m sad. Not really. See you in September!!!!

I’m a sheep rancher in central Montana. Last night at 3:00 a.m. I thought of you while attempting to jug a ewe and her lambs (put them in a small pen). She entered the pen, but when I tried to sneak up to close the gate she ran at the opening (which I was in), and we went over backward in a strange wrestling match. I ended up on my back, bear hugging a 170 lb. sheep on top of me. As I contemplated my next move, I thought of you and how your first book made me feel more normal. Thank you. I’d love to come to one of your book signings, but doubt I’ll be able to make the long distance to get there. No matter what, I’ll be reading your next book!

As a Santa Cruz weirdo, I’m thrilled you’ll be coming. Technically, I live in San Jose which is not as fun or is offer you our guest room. It’s yours if you need a place between San Francisco and Santa Cruz. We only have one cat, but make up for it with a herd of little kiddos who really really want to read the book that makes mama laugh so maniacally.

DAYTON, OHIO!!!!! I am super excited!!!! Can I buy you a present? What would you like? (Please dont say a stuffed animal, they creep me out. Its o.k. looking at your pics, but in real life? Not so much. ) WOOHOO!!!!! did I mention I am super excited?! Oh, and yes please on the autographed whatever, I`m not picky.

AHHHHHH!!!!SO MUCH WANT FOR YOUR NEW BOOK!! I have no cats so i have to settle for a book, some sunshine, an umbrella (because as much as i love the sun i look like i’ve never seen it,so pale am i that just the thought of the sun gives me a burn lol) and cake because who does’t love cake

Me me me pick me!! I would love a copy of either of your books, but I am a broke college kid who has been wanting to read your first book since following your posts. They make my day. I also see no shame in jumping at an offer for anything free.

Oh, a signed copy of the new book would be happy to be here, joining the unsigned copy of Let’s Pretend. I shall wave as you fly over from Los Angeles to Tempe, as we live in one of those flyover counties in between.

I’m sure Half Price Books won’t mind if I just set up a tent in the store at the beginning of September. And I would love an autographed copy of the new book. Which I’ve pre-ordered and then told my Mom I’d pre-ordered and she just ASSUMED I had also pre-ordered a copy for her but I was going to give the second pre-ordered one to a friend so I’ll need to buy another one so I have enough for everyone. Which I will HAPPILY do. And I’ll probably behave and not ask you to sign my boobs this time. No promises, though…

Hot Damn! You’re gonna like Tempe in Dec. It rocks! It’s not legal to have a bag of hedgehogs in AZ, but I’ve got 2 cats (‘tho for non-nefarious reasons I might have only 1 by the time Dec. rolls around)
And I not only have a couch with cozy blankies, I have a whole room with a bed (and, BONUS, pillows!) I also have a dog and a sulcata tortoise. See you in December! I have a reason to keep going through hellsummer!

I have a couch – but the cat has peed on it. I had a hedgehog too,but he died. Plus you are not going to be anywhere close to me. BUT – my birthday is in S e p t e m b e r (sing that like the kid that says”It has a haaaaaiiiir in it” from Diarys of a wimpy kid movie.) You I thank.

Oh my heck, I would love for you to sign my baby!!! Or a copy of your last book, whichever, since it’s my favorite book ever and I recommend it to everyone, in a very unsolicited way. I just think everyone needs to belly laugh in public, private, and in between. 🙂

Hi, Jenny! I’d like to throw my name into the hat for a signed copy of your first book, since I’m donating my copy to my soon-to-be-installed Little Free Library (which is not as spectacular as your TARDIS library, but I’m crazy-excited about it anyway). When the new book comes out I’ll put that in the library too, once I read it 🙂 A friend sent me Let’s Pretend This Never Happened while I was trudging through a particularly shitty period of Mental Health Shit, and more than drugs or therapy or “centering myself through breathing” in yoga (eye roll) you and your writing made things measurably less shitty. Or made the shit easier to navigate. We’re talking about metaphorical shit, here, obviously. Anyway, I hope someone else will find your book(s) in my library at a time when they really need it.

I’m just really glad to see the dates spread our a bit and some time off between different legs of the tour. I think it may help keep you from being so exhausted/depressed at the end. Either you are looking out for you or someone else made sure. Either way, I’m glad. And if I can actually get out if the house and make it to Book People, I’ll be there.

Toledo…or Detroit…Hell, I’d even make the trip to Cleveland or Columbus! I can’t wait for the new book to come out! We also have two cats, a couch and a dog if you’re looking for somewhere to stay in Toledo, or near Detroit, or Cleveland or Columbus…

So I jist about peed my pants when I read that you were coming to Nashville.

Do you know what this means? You will be in my city!!!! Not only that, I will get to meet people of our tribe right here at home. That honestly makes me tear up. The likelihood of you actually reading through the 800 comments on here is rare, I’m sure. But just know, Ive had a super hard week, like almost back to the hospital bad. And this has made me smile! Thank you for that.

And if you need/want to hang out or sleep over, Im game. I can totally cook dinner or something. I have no cats cause I’m kinda deathly allergic to them, but i do have two dogs, groucho and harpo (I need three more to have the whole set, but the hubs says no.)

You signed my baby last time in Boston. He’s not a baby anymore, so I’ll probably leave him at home this go-round. 🙂 I plan on being there, but I wouldn’t turn down a copy in September in case the sitter cancels or something. You know how it goes.

What a butt load of comments! Forget the book, I want to go have a drink with you-Miss Jenny! The things you come up with are so awesome and you are my mentor for writing my own screwed up memoirs. Thanks for the laughs! See you in Toronto, me and Tony Pony are coming to see you, can’t wait!

I’ll see you in December in Tempe. Or in my home, where you are welcome to stay during your time in the Phoenix area. I have a very comfy couch with cat hair on it (and a live cat that supplies that hair), anxiety meds and a husband who is used to driving around a woman who is often afraid to leave the house.

Oh and I’ll take whatever book you want to give me. Or just something from the bottom of your purse like old gum or a crumpled receipt. I’d just be honored to have anything with your signature on it because you make it easier to remember that there are others out there in the dark at times.