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“Goode grief” (Truth11.org)

I spend enough time in critical thinking circles and examining anti-science and conspiracy claims that I have developed a sensitive Poe-meter. The satires are getting better and the ideas they ridicule are becoming more unhinged, so distinguishing between the two is getting tougher, but I can usually tell. But I failed when I came across truth11.org.

The site hawks plenty of generic conspiracies, along the lines of “Monsanto and the Rockefellers pulled off the Boston Marathon false flag in order to cause autism in the monkeys which the Bilderberger aliens used to start the AIDS virus,” or theories to that effect.

But my meter misfired when I saw my first headline from the site: “German secret societies and U.S. corporations nuked subterranean Martians and built slave colonies.”

I clicked on it, expecting to enjoy a good Poe, but ended up finding the real thing, which is usually better. The website goes beyond the normal conspiracy. The idea of Bush minions pulling off 9/11 with explosives is ever so trite. From truth11.org, we learn that instead lasers and mysterious orbs did the trick. The apparent airplanes being actually holograms coordinated to arrive at the precise time as the weapons of light.

Truth11.org frequently features the happenings of secret societies – secret societies the website always know everything about. The articles provide no substantiating evidence beyond the words of someone calling himself Corey Goode. This man claims to have been a member of a number of projects and organizations that are far more clandestine than the societies he aims to expose.

With regard to Mars, he relates that the reason U.S. corporations conspired with a German Skull & Bones variant to eliminate the planet’s reptilians and insectoids was to access precious metals. This necessitated first exterminating the indigenous aliens, followed by the building of an advanced infrastructure on the red planet. This means it has been under construction for 70 years without so much as a cement truck spotted in one of the craters.

The appeal to ancient authority happens even when dealing with aeronautics, for Goode describes the spacecraft used as being based on BCE Hindu technology. Just to be safe, he had the reverse engineering take place at Area 51.

This website uses extreme post hoc reasoning in lieu of evidence. For instance, it cites a federal law that stipulates if any U.S. corporation ever mines in space, it would not be subject to government oversight. And this law is used as proof that Americans and Germans cooperated on a Martian genocide.

This eradication of Marvin and his underground cronies was followed by the enslavement of engineers and business executives, who were lulled to Mars by being told they would live in a futuristic utopia they would help build. They certainly made for the most affluent and learned chattel in history.

Whether a theory is as unbelievable as this one, or is one that is more mainstream among conspiracy theorists, the hook is the same: The listener, owing to his shrewdness and independent thinking, is privy to a fantastic secret. This is all leading to the glorious day of revelation that takes place in an Eternal Tomorrow. It is always so close to happening, but never quite arrives. The website reports, “Goode remains confident that his disclosures are a prelude to massive document dump by a secret space program alliance that will finally confirm the truth.”

While waiting for this verification of alien extermination committed by Nazi leftovers, we can learn about giants sleeping in chambers that arrest the aging process. Goode again reaches into the ancient angle grab bag to explain the chambers were constructed by an unspecified lost civilization using undefined crystal technologies. This created a time warp in which 30,000 Earth years speed by while the slumbering behemoths age just 30 minutes.

And while it’s been going on for these tens of thousands of years, the payoff is again taking place in the Eternal Tomorrow: “Goode believes the beings are still alive, and in the process of being revived.”

Goode never explains where the giants came from, what they are, why they are super hibernating, who oversees this, or if it’s good, bad, or neutral. But he does relate that Abraham Lincoln claims to have seen them, so that says something for the honest nature of these accounts.

When the giants wake up, they will learn that Mankind has developed a manner of space travel using the sun as a portal. Goode said this mode of transportation employs “a form of hyper-dimensional mathematics based on sacred geometry.”

And this is just the first of many galactic airport layovers: “This model links all the stars in our galaxy,” allowing astronauts to travel anywhere in the Milky Way. These travel nodes also exist in places such as the Bermuda Triangle and open and close without warning. When activated, these nodes transport unwilling ship captains and airplane pilots anywhere in the galaxy.

Back on Earth, Goode is captivated by a humanoid robot statue at the Grove Hotel in Watford, England. Specifically, he ponders what this means for our future physiology. The Bilderbergers met at Grove in 2013, so Goode deduces that was an endorsement of the statue, and by extension, transforming people into Avatar warriors. This same hotel also hosted a Google event, and the company’s director of engineering is someone Goode describes as a transhumanism proponent.

Transhumans will largely resemble people but will have immense intelligence, strength, and durability. Not quite Superman, but at least Underdog. Goode said the Google executive “must have felt a kindred spirit with the metallic humanoid sculptures. This will lead to a new arms race that will force our society into a transhuman future.”

Or maybe they could just use the weapons they used to nuke the Martians.