Why so Horny?? Take 2

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6

All this talk of ex's, multiple love interests, and kinky sex have put my mind into a whirlwind lately. For the dual celebration of both the 4th of July and my own ex's birthday later tonight, I'm even more on edge - as he was one of those displaced Asian babies sent off to the States at birth, yellow replaces red, white, and blue as the color in question this evening, thanks to 25 of his like-raced friends, some I've never met, joining the fray.

And like Ben Stiller awaiting the arrival of Mary, the itch must be relieved now to ensure I don't get too frisky over dinner and under fireworks, unless of course, one of his buddies had a preemptive strike in order.

Either way, it's never a good idea to assume these types of things, and it's kind of a guilt trip to not focus most of the day on our Independence and a good party. So I figured I'd just settle down tonight and watch a good movie - and subconsciously chose Lethal Weapon 4. Not a great choice, considering. So screw it, might as well masturbate now and clear my head as I drool over my:

Action Dudes That Make Me Horny and You Jealous (admit it)

Jet Li

This guy is a veritable pretzel in his ability to twist, roll, and flip his way around any opponent, while remaining uber-strong in the fists, thanks to a mix of Xingyiquan, Wushu, and Baguazhang Kung-fu. Not to mention the fact he's a pretty awesome actor to boot - he can be downright creepy in one film and cute as a kitten in another.

Tony Jaa

This dude's the 100% Muay Thai, 1000% awesome warrior. With the arrival of Ong-bak, peeps shouted he was even better than Bruce or Jet, and is living proof a mix of various forms and martial arts may not be necessary, when you already fight like a Superman, have a knack for flying over vehicles like it's fuckin' hopscotch, and are hotter than hell.

Raine

The big break for this guy was the film Ninja Assassin, where we get to see plenty of kinjitsu moves and kyoketsu shoge ownage. This Korean-born music student and boy band member still deserves his place among the greats, as he turned out to be a fight prodigy, using no stuntmen - what he can use, though, is one of those kusarigama on me any day.

James Pax

Not too much can be found out about this guy in regards to his Kung-fu specialties, since his focus was always on theater and film. In fact, he's probably like 60 now, but I'd still bang him just for being the hottest of The 3 Storms in the beyond-awesome film fave, Big Trouble in Little China.1:19 for his demise, 1:00 for the infamous exploding-head scene.

Yeah, Rain was kinda hot, too, if you get rid of the horrible sideburns and permanent sour-puss:

You gotta be fuckin' insane to not find this one of the most awesome fights in fantasy film. Just like I'm fuckin' insane for watching it without my hand down my pants.