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Friday, 28 June 2013

You know, since all the brouhaha of February’s Reader Month, I haven’t posted any reader recipes. And that’s just not right. After all, if you can’t share some saturated fat between friends, what’s the point in spending five minutes making it in the first place?

Some of you may recall that lemon has always left me a bit sour – that is, until I made Lemon Fluff. So when Caker Cooking reader Doug sent me his mother’s recipe for a lemon creation called McPhail Cake (named after a family friend), I thought I’d give it whirl.

It should come as no surprise that McPhail was a McSuccess. It was moist, dense and had me puckering in all the right places. The only thing that wasn’t a McSuccess? My McBundt. I didn’t grease the pan enough, so the cake came out looking like the surface of the moon. Lesson learned: butta your Bundt.

If you have a recipe you’d like to share, email cakercooking at gmail dot com and I’ll do my best to feature it.

Monday, 24 June 2013

I should’ve declared June as “My Clearasil Month.” Two weeks ago, I featured a homemade Orange Julius inspired by my first job. This week, I’m serving up a caker dessert based on the popular Dairy Queen treat. And if anyone should know what a Buster Bar tastes like, it’s me. Because I made lots of them. That’s right, folks. I used to be a Dairy Queen.

Here are some interesting facts I learned while working there:

1) You can get any three toppings you want on a banana split (most people assume there’s some kind of weird pineapple, chocolate and strawberry restriction.)

2) Make sure no customers are around before you get freaky with the whipped cream dispenser.

3) If you stick your tongue into the cone dip, you’ll burn it.

Another thing I learned is that Spanish peanuts (the ones with the skin on them) taste the best. And that’s what we used for Buster Bars. So when you make this dessert, opt for those instead of chopped peanuts. I’d also skip the Oreos on top and cover with a layer of that chocolate magic shell stuff. Lastly, if you want sh-t to get really real, serve with an air of teen angst and a bandaged tongue.

Monday, 17 June 2013

I used to love when my Michigan relatives came for a visit. We’d send my uncle off to the park in the morning to reserve a picnic table (and clean off the bird poop). A few hours later, the Americans would arrive in their visors and Detroit Tigers hats, car trunks loaded up with boxes of chips and buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, announcing, “Oh my gad! Can someone get Bannie a pap?”

It was Bonnie, in fact, who first introduced me to Taco Salad. I remember the exact moment she brought out the bowl, tore open a bag of Doritos, crushed them up and poured them in. “Cheez of Whiz," I thought. “Them American cakers know how to do things right.”

Perfect for a summer picnic, Taco Salad (not to be confused with the equally delicious Taco Salad Casserole) combines ground beef, cheese, iceberg lettuce, and yes, Doritos. I’m warning you ahead of time – you won’t be able to stop eating this. Make sure there are other people around. Otherwise, your tears will make the Doritos all soggy.

Prepare everything ahead of time. Mix everything together approximately five minutes before serving. (This salad is great for large gatherings. Even half this recipe makes a large salad suitable for a family of four.)

Note: My taste testers found the onion a bit strong. I used white onion. They suggested green onions might be better. Whatever. Everyone’s a critic.

Monday, 10 June 2013

Aren’t cakers complicated? On the one hand, we’re all about convenience and ease when it comes to our food. So why do we have recipes for homemade Bailey’s Irish Cream, Skor Bars and Shake n’ Bake coating? After all, isn’t it easier just to go out and buy the damn things?

Easier, yes. Cheaper, no. And a caker penny saved is a penny that can towards getting your tips frosted. Why, just look at this Orange Julius. At the food court, you’d pay close to five bucks. This cost me less than two bucks to make. (Four bucks if you count the glass I bought at Goodwill.) And yes, it tastes just as good as the original, if not better. After all, it’s made with two essential caker ingredients: love and tightassedness.

True confession: My first job was working at an Orange Julius. I had to wear brown polyester. And I got fired. Consider this recipe my revenge. And yes, it’s best served cold.

Friday, 7 June 2013

Hosting contests is stressful because I always think, “What if I don’t get any entries?” So I was over the moon with the entries I received in my Pink Thing contest. I immediately called Mother and said, "See? I do have friends."

You’ve all been waiting with bated breath, and now I’m happy to announce the winner…or is that the winners?

Yes, that’s right. I chose two entries. Congratulations to veg-o-matic and bluerhondda! You’re both getting signed copies of my book, Fruit. No need to pinch yourselves. (But please email me at cakercooking at gmail dot com with your mailing addresses so I can send you the book.)

Pink Thing!
Pink Thing—it’s a Caker Ooh la la!
Pink Thing!
The dessert with a certain je ne sais pas!
Jell-O’s out, pie’s passé,
Cake’s de trop and déclassé.
And there is not the slightest excuse
For chocolate mousse
Or soufflé!
Pink Thing!
One spoonful will make your taste buds thrill!
Pink Thing—why, it’s even better than Whip ‘N Chill!
This most delicious Caker dish is
Even popular in Beijing
It’ll make you dance a Highland Fling—
Pink Thing!

And here's bluerhondda's entry, which rhymes "lick" with "dick" and "raunchy" with "paunchy." Quite the skill set.

Monday, 3 June 2013

As a kid, I loved fruit cocktail. Yes, there were never enough cherries, but there were plenty of mushy, unidentifiable white and beige cubes swimming in a thick syrup made of 98% sugar. What more could a cavity-ridden child ask for?

A favourite of cakers everywhere, Idiot Cake (a.k.a. Fruit Cocktail Cake) is the softest, fruitiest and squishiest cake you’ll ever eat. The cake itself is pretty special, but once you pour that hot milk, sugar and butter mixture overtop, you’re left with something that resembles a wet sponge. Only it tastes better than a wet sponge. Like, a lot.

As to why it’s called Idiot Cake, who knows? Maybe you’re an idiot if you screw up the recipe. Or you’re an idiot if you don’t like it. Or maybe you’re an idiot if you don’t make the cake (which you should, because it’s delicious).Shredded coconut alert! Do NOT attempt to eat this cake without a toothpick handy. Otherwise, your co-workers might catch you flossing your teeth with the corner of your business card. Then you’ll really look like an idiot. Trust me on this one.