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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

I love the Raiders asking their employees (including coaches) to sell tickets in an attempt to make sure their salaries aren't cut.

Fact: you are a dick if you think that's a good idea. The owners are voluntarily choosing to lock everyone out which screws their own employees. How do you love that they then ask their employees to double as salespeople to make sure their salaries don't get cut? That is some brazen shit right there. Mike Brown has not cut, or I believe even threatened to cut, salaries in his own front office (of course, it's all his family and friends anyway). This is the ONLY thing to do if you are an owner. Front office employees are collateral damage in a voluntary war owners started, so they owe it to their front office to keep paying them. I'll let KSK take Peter King from here because if I keep dwelling on what assholes the owners are I will lose it.

Since Carson would rather pay $50 million (or whatever amount) to play with his kids in retirement than play for the Bengals, the offense really will be in flux for some time unless Dalton becomes an advanced Chad Pennington immediately.

Thus, the defense must carry the load for now. That means re-signing the one elite unit we have: cornerback. I fully expected Joseph to just be ignored given his potential cost. Seems maybe I amtoo pessimistic. I will credit the Bengals if they do sign Joseph. This is about the only good news I have heard this offseason concerning the roster, and even this news is basically total speculation.

When the right offensive line personnel were in the game we looked good in 2010 (think last few games)

We have elite cornerbacks and emerging pass rushers

Though we drafted a WR which I hate in general, AJ Green in particular is supposed to be an insane prospect

New offensive coordinator (I don't even care who it is)

This potential for a quick turnaround is so obvious that I think even our management sees it. With an apathetic fan base, they are probably desperate for it. From this perspective, you can view our offseason differently. They weren't rebuilding in the draft with that AJ Green pick, they were replacing Chad AND sending a message to their disgruntled franchise QB. They weren't drafting Dalton as the franchise QB of the future, they were drafting him as a hedge if Carson out stubborns Mike Brown. I have yet to see a quote from Mike Brown that says he doesn't want Carson back (please send me one if he has, seriously).

Remember, we all (at least at WDR) thought for sure Marvin was gone after this season. It was a certainty until it all of sudden wasn't. The same thing may be playing out with Carson. Paying $50 million to hang out with your kids when you can return to a team that will likely be in a much healthier place seems insane - even if you still play for the Bengals at the end of the day. I think Carson may reach the same conclusion once the lockout ends. I, for one, would welcome him back.

Comments

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Peter King is a spoiled brat. Of course he would sympathize with Al Davis. He does nothing, except write the worst weekly column possibly ever--I challenge anyone to find a weekly column inferior to PKs column.

Anyway, I was going to go on a long rant about how he openly flaunts botched expenses, errouneous expenses and how important he is all the while Sports Illustrated has to be going down like a sinking ship (hopefully). Blah, I'm so pissed and stupified I can't even think straight.

/PK had a threesome with Al Davis and John Madden
//Heard about it on a Sirius Radio interview last weekend
///Vomits in mouth
////Dick joke

What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!

@bungalfamily: I believe the last clause of your first paragraph should be "Name five columns worse than MMQB - you can't."

My only comments are (1) the "crimes" aren't really a bad reflection on Tressel... sure he's supposed to "coach" his football players to do the right thing but we all know that college-aged kids are pretty much going to do whatever they want. So if Tressel were to be honest about the transgressions rather than look the other way, I don't think that hurts his reputation, only adds to it really. And (2) can't see Urban ending up at OSU. He doesn't really make the decisions in that family, and Mrs. Meyer apparently prefers locales where she can lounge outside with her pink umbrella drinks and watch the cabana boy work his magic.

What you fail to mention about the Abominable Throwman is that he is also his team's GM, so he could be a secret weapon of sorts for Mikey Boy. Quarterback, offensive lineman, blocking tight end, AND Assistant GM? ALL FOR $500 A WEEK? SIGN THAT MAN UP, NOW!