I like Valentine’s Day, it follows my typical formula of favorite holidays: positive, inclusive and not historically linked to white oppression. I enjoy the holiday for what it is even though I haven’t had the most luck with it personally; I mean there was the time I was blown off so she could attend her godson’s birthday party with her ex, the time it got ruined because I wouldn’t tell her how much I tipped the attractive waitress, oh and the time when a certain someone went on about how she never got flowers before, I don’t just go and get some red roses, nah that’s basic I get a custom bouquet in her favorite colors, and she basically like these are very pretty, good looks fam. You know how hard it is to track down some lilies in fucking February…wait, why do I like this day again? Oh, I guess I love love and shit. Ultimately, Valentine’s Day is about appreciating your partner, something that gets lost in the sauce, lost in the game so often. Especially for my brethren. Where the love, B? Do men even get Valentine’s Day gifts? Is that a thing? They have man crates now…it’s basically a gift basket but because of fragile masculinity they put it in a crate and you can open it with a crowbar. This is really a thing.

Man Crates….yeah, well….YOU’RE A gift basket.

We seem to have reached two extremes, women who act as though their mere presence is appreciation and well, #PickMe twitter. The former, you take her on a weekend getaway for your anniversary and she might swallow and call it even. The latter, you text a compliment and she might write an entire essay about how she prayed for this kind of love. I can’t deal with neither; just give me something in the middle.

So, how do you show a man some appreciation? Hell, I’m not even entirely sure how I want to be appreciated. For the most part, I equate access with appreciation. “I wouldn’t be out with you if I didn’t like you” or “You’ve done UVWXY and Z and I’m still dealing with your ass” were kinda hard to argue with. Sex was even harder. (cuz you know people all place different value on sex and all that other stuff I don’t feel like getting into right now, maybe another post, probably not though). I would say that’s how it goes for most men, we are affirmed by access whether its a phone number, accepting a date or a come thru. For the most part we carry on in relationships where we’re validated but maybe not valued if that makes any sense. I would also say for most men their love language is physical touch, (but shoutout to the men like, yeah sex is lit but I like gifts more though…I can respeck it). I’m a touch and quality time guy myself, so there’s not much complaining on my end either.

I dug a little deeper and asked a handful of women, without using sex how would they show a man they appreciated him. The answers varied from simply telling him to wait why can’t we have sex again (gotta love the pick mes yo). The most common answer, food. I was expecting more genuine compliments, support their hobbies, thank yous, affirmations…you know, to bust the myth that a man is so simple all he needs is sex, food, and peace. But the more I think about it…that’s a solid hand. Maybe we are that simple. Quality time is cool and all but turns out my love language is actually pasta. So I guess this valentines day, show that special someone how special they are…feed them. Or I guess, you can just get the nigga a man crate.