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depression fighting and a car wreck it has to stop

I finally hit rock bottom this past weekend, everything got out of control. As most of you know my husband left me right after I was diagnosed. 17 years together. This pass weekend I went out with my friends to a local flea market my husband was there with my best friend. I was nice and spoke to the both of them. What so bad is my friend she had a stroke in july and I had to take care of her 2 children, one who is handicapped from the mothers previous boyfriend trying to kill her and gave her shaken baby syndrome. I took care of these 2 children for 2 weeks while she was in the hospital. Her and her kids went on vacation with my family. Well later that day after I went to the flea market, I went to the auction with some friends and guess who was there yes the two of them and her sweet little girl.

Everyone was talking about how my husband left me for her, this talk had been going on all day. She even smarted off at me and said since I was handicapped now she would take care of him. I told my friend Shelly I was going to snap that night and I did. I did something that I thought I would never do. I jump her don't know where or how I got the energy to do it but I did it. Once I did it my son pulled me off of her and threw me in the car and we left. When I got home I got a call that my husband, my so called best friend and her child were in a car wreck because they were fighting about me and my husband was driving and wrecked her car, he was trying to stop her from calling the police on me and having me arrested. They are all ok but the point of this is that it went to far.

Today my son who is 21 took my phone from me and want allow me to talk to my husband( Which is a good think) this morning I took my pistol left my house and gave it to a really good friend of mine who is helping me and my son out, he is actually my husbands best friend. Because my husband left me broke and I have no insurance and I am waiting on disability I had to sell my wedding ring. No big deal the dr almost cut it off the last time I went to the hospital.

if it were not for my kids watching me right now I don't know what I would do. tonight I just found out that my first love from high school committed suicide. Now I want to cry I have know him for over 25 years and we had a daughter together but she died before I had her.

I hope that one day I will be able to accept the fact that I have lupus but this is hard especially when I don't have the support of my husband like he promised. It makes it real hard.But I do have lots of friends and family.