Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Day 162- OCD: The Guilt (pt 3)

Within this blog I am continuing workin through the point of guilt within OCD, wherein not only am I placing myself as less important and less valued than the disorder, but I am also placing those in my world as second to my disorder.

"I constantly and consistently choose OCD over real Life and Actual Living, where
Life is defined as living within and as self-direction in every moment, living
in presence and awareness, constantly improving, perfecting, honing, mastering,
supporting oneself within and as every breath, supporting others as self, equal
and one. Not living within and as guilt, regret, suppression and fear,
addiction, disorder and obsessive compulsion."

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to neglect
to realize and understand that within investing myself into and as OCD, CSP by
investing my time, and myself as energy as reactions, thoughts, feelings and
emotions, I am allowing energy over time
to slowly utilize my finite physical resource instead of utilizing that
resource for actual living, to be and become relevant, and to be the source of
solution instead of the source of the problem/disorder that I am.

I commit myself to value and invest the time and physical
resources that I DO have, into the substantial investment of myself as Life

I commit myself to take myself BACK from the disorder that I
am, and to create myself anew by pushing myself, over and over, until I get it,
bit by bit, until I AM.

When and I as I see that I am in a moment of poorly invested
time as energy as the disorder I find myself existing as and within, I stop,
and I breathe, and I face it, without fear or hesitation, I stop, and I choose
my investment as myself as life, and nothing can be so terrible and so bad and
unendurable to make me decide otherwise. In the end, there is no choice.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react
within and as guilt to the fact that I have invested myself into and as a
disorder that gives me apparent ‘release’ from the inner pressure I myself had
created, thus misplacing value away from everyone and everything around me, and
placing myself as ‘who I am as OCD’ as my number one priority, while
suppressing my self-expression and my potential of equal and one living.

I commit myself to
continue stopping any and all reactions as separation, as if the disorder were
something separate from myself that I can look at and react ot and judge as a
separate entity. It is not, it is not something “I have”, it is something ‘I am’,
something I have accepted and allowed in unawareness, it is something I used to
cope because I didn’t understand how to deal with the overwhelming feelings and
emotions I would experience. But it doesn’t take away my responsibility,
because I created it, only I can un-do it, delete it, release it, stop it, push
through it, and re-create myself as self-support, self-love, self-acceptance,
self-honour, self-will, self-honest and self-direction.

When and as I see that I am going into guilt because of and
due to the fact that I have valued the disorder over myself and others, and
over Life and real living, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to
self-honesty by reminding myself that the guilt is only self-manipulation that
further entrenches me into the disorder. Guilt only fuels the internal storm
that leads me to pick instead of me leading myself to self-support. I bring
myself back to self-direction by stopping the guilt in one moment and not
accepting or allowing myself to participate in and perpetuate it in any way
whatsoever, and I direct myself to see, realize and understand that the
instant cure for guilt is to take myself back in that moment, to pick myself
up and push myself back to this process and back to reality.

Self-Study with support, learn to respect you and others, learn how to stop
mind chatter, learn how to forgive so effectively that you actually change
forever, learn how to stop and change the automatic thoughts that run your life
--Sign up for the free course at this link: DIPLITE, dare yourself to look at
what you create within.

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About Me

Hi, my name is Kimberly Kline (nee Doubt). I stand for an Equal Money System- I stand for a dignified life for all beings and I will no longer accept or allow this system of human greed and self-interest that is causing suffering, starvation and abuse for the masses. Every 'solution' we have tried so far has failed- from the United Nations to the United Church. Individual self-change and leadership by example is where it's at. I humbly commit myself to this process and invite anyone who has respect for Life to join me and walk with me, beside me, as self-willed equals, until all are free from the global compromise humanity has created for itself.
Join Desteni for further discussions about world systems and humanity's place within them. Visit Desteni.org and Equalmoney.org.