Houston Blinkie Letter
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October 15 American Nihilist Underground Society 1989
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Issue One Number 2
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Multiple Evils
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Houston's Public Works department has switched from regular, good
quality blinkies to heinously malfactured "Flasher Flares" made in Tampa,
Florida. These absolute pieces of junk are being perpetrated upon the American
public as real blinkies! This just isn't fair. They're easily identifiable by
the fact that they are completely plastic. They have no holes in the sides to
turn them off, and the only identification is a small, engraved "C.O.H" on the
side and a "Flasher Flare" sticker on the side. The flasher heads on these
blinkies do not turn but are fixed in a permanent side position. The only things
holding these together are the points of contact between the two plastic shells.
They usually only have one battery because of the lack of cohesiveness the
blinkie shows. One actually fell apart in CD's hands. Needless to say, he was
disgusted. His comment: "What a piece of shit!"
Why Blinkies?
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an editorial by CC
This question was recently asked of me as I sped away from a prime
blinkie area with some friends. One of them spoke up: "But why do you steal
blinkies? Get a stop sign or something." My response was pretty vague. But
after some thought, I've come up with a list of reasons why blinkie thieving is
the ultimate in petty theft.
Blinkies are unquestionably one of the most joyous things you can
steal. Maybe it's because they blink, or because they look right at home in any
disaster area. I've found that blinkies liven up the decor in my house, as well
as the houses of my friends. Also, they stimulate conversation and acts of
rashness.
Blinkies make the ultimate gifts. I've never known anyone to refuse
one. Possibly it's because of the reasons mentioned above.
Blinkies are a great source of free 6-volt batteries. If you're into
electronics or just use a lot of batteries, you might considering picking up a
blinkie some time.
The actual theft requires little in the way of finesse and rarely much
bravery, so it's a sport for everyone. Co-ed blinkie thieving is gaining
popularity; see the upcoming article.
Blinkie running is a versatile sport; it can be part of another form of
entertainment or an after-party activity or just a solution to another boring
Saturday in Houston.
It's the best way I know to learn local geography. I've discovered
numerous things about Houston by screwing up directions late at night.
If you've ever been dicked around by the City of Houston, it's an easy
and non-violent way to get revenge. Just steal 50-60 of their blinkies and
they'll be writing out another check.
This sport is good for your health. You get exercise and excitement in
the same late-night package. Some people jog and love it. They're shitheads.
I go out late at night and work off my beer belly stealing blinkies.
You meet interesting people while blinkie running. Strike up a
conversation with a security guard and find out when he patrols. Bullshit a
cop. You'll gain new "people skills" by blinkie running.
Blinkie running is an excellent 2-50 man sport. Whether you have five
friends or fifty strangers, everyone can go blinkie running.
It's a combination of these advantages that has accounted for blinkie
running's popularity so far. At ANUS, we believe that blinkie running should
be elevated to an organized sport, and recognize by the NCAA.
Coed Blinkie Running
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Bring along some females the next time you go snag blinkies. Hopefully,
they'll be drunk enough to actually steal one, but if they're not, you can
always use it as an excuse to explore dark blinkie sites.
Blinkie Running as a Team Sport
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Blinkie running is an excellent sport for two or three friends; but how about
a competition? After a thorough review of the subject, it seems blinkie running
would be an excellent sport for two teams of five people each. There are two
ways to go once you have assembled your team. You can either decide the winner
on a point value system or simply by however many blinkies they bring back.
Point Value:
Set up a chart as follows. A more expanded version can be found in the
"Official ANUS Preferred Theft List."
Blue Blinkie 50 pts.
Red Blinkie 30
Yellow Blinkie 50
White Blinkie 40
Green Blinkie 60
Black Blinkie 70
Or, you can specify by manufacturer, but that gets complicated. Sometimes
other items find their way onto the list:
Radar detector 200 pts
Car Stereo 300
Slow Children Sign 200
Parking sign 100
Dead Baby 500
Toaster 900
Stop Sign 300
C64 010
John Sculley 000
As you can see, some items are worth quite a lot, and others are quite
worthless.
Counting:
The other way is to have a drop off point, and have an impartial party count
then, or to just count them at the end of the run and whoever has the most wins.
Recent Successes:
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A recent blinkie run after late-night celebrations netted nine blinkies. This
is generally not exceptional, but since only two ANUS members went, it was
pretty decent. The good part is that three of the blinkies were stolen from a
local mall from right under the noses of the security bacon. However, since
that was "too" easy, the valiant blinkie runners moved on steal several blinkies
which were discovered to be totally worthless.
The Role of Blinkies In Hacking:
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Blinkies are a phreaker's best friend. They are excellent places to hide your
/<0dezz sheets, and can obscure your modem from the view of anyone who might
walk into your room and observe frantic hacking going on. They can also serve
to block off your street for construction at both ends if someone might come
knocking. Besides, they look good on top of an AppleColor monitor.
Things to look for next issue:
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We've put it off forever, but the ANUS crew is going to take the dreaded,
expensive trip to a downtown hardware store and put to bed the nasty problem of
those incredibly screwy bolts certain cities use to secure their blinkies. Any
donations would be appreciated. Also, we'll feature a nutritional survey
comparing the best foods to eat before a blinkie run. In addition, we'll have
an in-depth review of America's beers.
Music
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The Top Ten Blinkie Run Albums for the week of Oct. 14 - Oct. 21
1. AC/DC - Highway to Hell
2. AC/DC - Who Made Who
3. Metallica - Ride the Lightning
4. Queensryche - Operation Mindcrime
5. Debbie Gibson - Fuck Authority
6. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
7. Judas Priest - Ram it down...
8. Iron Maiden - Number of the Beast
9. Gunz and Rozez - Appetite for Pop Money
10. Neil Young - Gasp and Wheeze
"That's All, Folks!" -- Some Fucking Rabbit
CC/CD/RF