When Mahathir meets Haniff Khatri to discuss The Third Force

Yesterday, right after I published Mahathir Mohamad declares war against Christianity(READ HERE), I began amusing myself thinking what would happen if Dr Mahathir Mohamad were to meet Mohamed Haniff Khatri Abdulla. My dollar went on the two choking in anger as they sat facing each other Al-Pacino- vs-Robert-de-Niro-style discussing ways to ‘get rid’ of me.

Yes, I’m quite sure that the two didn’t take lightly being accused of waging war against Christianity. Come to think of it, Khatri is probably pissed that I made known the RM3 million he looted from the money pot Mahathir set aside for his (Mahathir’s) legal team. Imagine, this Khatri fellow didn’t even leave a dime for his teammates to share.

Seriously, if I were Khatri, I’d be so humiliated that I’d do the most honourable thing – I’d stand stark naked on Penang Bridge singing “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” before taking the plunge. You should try it, Khatri – it’s not so bad mid-journey once you realise what a scum of a man you truly are.

Sigh…if only I knew what Mahathir’s next meeting with scum…I mean, Khatri… would be like. Perhaps, just perhaps, it would go something like this:

Act I: Khatri enters Mahathir’s office and greets the former premier, who is seen sitting at his desk writing something on a piece of paper.

Mahathir: That sounds funny to you? Hello, this Raggie Jessy fellow is getting bolder and bolder by the day. Yesterday, he accused me of paying you to propose that Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka (DBP) be allowed to translate Bibles into Malay.

Khatri: But that is true Tun.

Mahathir: (face turns red) Of course I know that lah. But the people don’t need to know. Now it’s all over the web. He even exposed that bit about the National Evangelical Christian Federation (NECF)…

Khatri: What??

Mahathir: Oh, that surprises you does it?

Khatri: What?

Mahathir: (screams) Are you a parrot?

Khatri: I mean, what about the NECF?

Mahathir: You know lah…how I paid that US fellow to spy on Lim Kit Siang in the eighties, and how we discovered Kit Siang’s links with the NECF.

Khatri: But that’s the truth.

Mahathir: You and your truth…of course I know it’s the truth! But now the whole country knows I teamed up with a Chinaman who conspired with radical evangelists to Christianise Muslims.

Khatri: Oh, that cannot be good for you.

Mahathir: You’re damned right it can’t. And not for you either. This Punjabi rascal is turning out to be quite the badass. We’re Mamaks you know. How can we let that Punjabi mess with us Mamaks?