"The
Creation of Peace
Officers"When the Lord was creating peace
officers, he was into his sixth day ofovertime when an angel appeared
and said,"You're doing a lot of fiddling
around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you
read the spec on this order? A peace officer hasto be able to run five miles
through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enterhomes the health inspector wouldn't
touch, and not wrinkle his uniform.

"He has to be able to sit in
an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover ahomicide scene that night, canvass
the neighborhood for witnesses,and testify in court the next
day.

"He has to be in top physical
condition at all times, running on black coffeeand half-eaten meals.
And he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly
and said, "Six pairs of hands... no way."

"It's not the hands that are
causing me problems," said the Lord, "it's thethree pairs of eyes an officer
has to have."

"That's on the standard model?"
asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. One pair that
sees through a bulge in a pocket before he asks,"May I see what's in there,
sir?" (When he already knows and wishes he'd takenthat accounting job.) "Another
pair here in the side of his head for hispartners' safety. And another
pair of eyes here in front that can lookreassuringly at a bleeding victim
and say, 'You'll be all right ma'am, when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching
his sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "I
already have a model that can talk a 250 pounddrunk into a patrol car without
incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of
the peace officer very slowly, "Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet," said the Lord. "It
can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes;recite Miranda warnings in its
sleep; detain, investigate, search, and arresta gang member on the street
in less time than it takes five learned judges todebate the legality of the stop...
and still it keeps its sense of humor.

This officer also has phenomenal
personal control. He can deal with crimescenes painted in hell, coax
a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murdervictim's family, and then read
in the daily paper how law enforcement isn'tsensitive to the rights of criminal
suspects."

Finally, the angel bent over
and ran her finger across the cheek of the peaceofficer. "There's a leak," she
pronounced. "I told you that you were trying toput too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the
lord, "it's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked
the angel.

"It's for bottled-up emotions,
for fallen comrades, for commitment to thatfunny piece of cloth called
the American flag, for justice."