There are things the Valar made. There are things the Valar destroyed. But
what about the things the Valar kept from us?....

[Council Meeting]

The males and females of the Valar were summoned to a council held by Manwë
and his spouse, Varda.

"It's one minute until the council's supposed to start and not ONE of them
has arrived!" Manwë fumed, absentmindedly smoothing his robes every now and
then. Wrinkles would never do.

"Relax, they'll be here..." Varda patted his arm reassuringly.

"Well, they have 30 seconds now. 30....29.....28...." Suddenly, a stampede
of gods hastily, er, stampeded over and each one quickly took their
respectful places in their chairs.

"3.....2....1. What is up with you?!" Manwë screamed.

"We're punctual! We don't have to be early. We're gods. We're special,"
Aulë said, waving his hammer around for emphasis. Those who were seated
near him leaned away. "Oh oops. Forgot not to bring this along. I do this
every time...."

"What are we here for? It'd better be important! I didn't get out of the
Sea for nothing. I'm WET," Ulmo's dark robes were sopping wet and dripping,
and his boots squelched on the shiny floor. Varda's left eye began to
twitch. She only spent, what, three or four hours waxing the floor last
night? No..big...deal...

"I can see that. Anyone got a hair dryer?" Manwë sighed.

"Oh yes, I carry one in my pocket all the time," Mandos said drily.

"Do you really?" Manwë looked intrigued.

"NO!"

"Damn."

"Why don't you just blow him dry yourself. You ARE Lord of the Winds,
aren't you?" Of course, Mandos had to point out the blatantly obvious. The
rest of the Valar sat pensively, took in that remark, and nodded their
heads while "Ahh"-ing.

"Ohh, good point," Manwë nodded and proceeded to bombard Ulmo with wind.
Lots of wind.

"Can we FOCUS on the real point of this council?!" Varda yelled over the
wind. The winds subsided as Manwë lowered his almighty wind-controlling
hands thoughtfully.

"The refreshment afterwards?" Lorien piped up after stifling a yawn. Estë
thwapped him on the head.

"NO!" Varda hissed. "Manwë, you called for this council. Tell them the
purpose of being here."

"Ahem. Well, so I did. The purpose of this council is..." Manwë disappeared
behind his gold, high-backed chair, then reappeared, "....should I wear
midnight blue? Or cerulean?" He held up two identical-looking robes (just
with different shades of blue) and flashed a smile. Silence filled the air.
Crickets chirped. "Ahaha! I'm just kidding." Manwë threw the robes behind
him and waited for the laughter to begin. The non-existent laughter.

"The REAL purpose of being here is....?" Yavanna drummed her fingers in
boredom on her armrest.

"To talk about.....Sauron!" Manwë whispered dramatically.

"Didn't we decide during the last council that we'd just leave him to the
hands of a cute, blue-eyed hobbit? And we would play no important role
whatsoever?" Vána spoke up from the back row.

"So we did..." Manwë said thoughtfully.

"Except for me," Varda raised her index finger. "The Fellowship will pray
to me a lot and sing about me."

"Oh, good plan!" and "Very clever. We'll look godly at your expense!" came
from all sides.

"I....guess we're done then?" Manwë said to nobody in particular. His
councils never failed to displease the gods. ONE good, efficient council.
That's all he was asking for! ONE! The gods sighed in relief and began to
walk out. "No. Wait! Get back in your chairs!" The gods froze in their
steps and cringed. No! An early departure from an awful council. That's all
they were asking for!

"We're not done yet," Varda said, to make herself look important.

"What now? I have weaving to do. A lot of it. I MADE your favorite
Christmas cloak. I should be excused," Vairë said bitterly.

"That was a discussion?" Ulmo was still wringing out the remaining water on
his robes. Now Varda's right eye began twitching.

"-SO we might as well go over the monthly figures...You know, the number of
prayers we got, the amount of good godly responses, percentage of
dissatisfaction..." Manwë began thumbing through a huge pile of papers that
was sitting on the table next to his chair.

"We know you failed algebra.....but! you don't have to do any hard math.
You can just....review it with us! Er, yes...." Manwë was now considering
how much work it would take to go through all the papers properly.

"That 'er' was suspicious-sounding..." Oromë narrowed his eyes.

"Um, no it wasn't!"

"Yes, it was." came from everyone else's mouth.

"I suck at lying," Manwë let out a deep sigh.

"That's okay, honey. To make up for it, you can clean the floor this time,"
Varda patted his back.

"What? That didn't make sense," Manwë looked at her twitching eyes in
confusion.

"Yes, it did." came from everyone else's mouth. Manwë glared at them.

"So, about the paperwork-"

"Oh! I hear the lunch bell. Lunch!" Nessa sprang out of her seat, a crowd
of gods following her example.

"What bell? I didn't hear a..." Everyone was gone. "....bell. I hate being
me," Manwë thumped his head on the table.

"Nienna?" Varda stared at the goddess who surprisingly stayed. Nienna was
standing at the doorway and weeping. A lot. But that was normal. "What's
wrong now?"

"The floor. It used to be so pretty. I'm so sorry!" Nienna sobbed and
strode out.

"She has major issues," Varda now twitched at the puddle of tears on her
precious floor.