I believe my body
It tells the truth
An unfiltered account
Horror of my youth
Stone lodged in my throat
Hurts to speak
Heaviness in my chest
Limbs unsteady and weak
Grief living in
Internal places
Leaving it’s mark
On invisible spaces
You cannot see
You cannot know
I yearn to tell you
But the words
Won’t flow
I doubt my story
Box up my truth
But my body refuses to forget
Awfulness of my youth

I’m learning to respect
What my body has to say
It does not lie to me
Every bloody day
If I was violated
Tortured and broken
This is the result
Even when unspoken
Desperate to connect
To be genuinely open
Both in pubic
And in private
I dream of reaching out
Afraid I won’t
Survive it.
My body is protecting me
From the terrible truth
The unimaginable terror
That pervaded my youth

The gripping pain of now
Is in the struggle to know how
To be honest
And to live
To be safe
And to forgive
(Not abusers from my past
That will happen last)
To lend comfort
And understanding
To be loving
And undemanding
Of my brave and
Broken soul
While on this journey
To become whole
I need to hold on
To the knowing
That is does pay
To keep going

Curled up alone
Lost In the dark
Crying and praying
Searching for a spark
Hoping it will grow
Into a strong resilient flame
Bringing in the light
While letting out the shame

I hold on to the knowing
It is worth it to keep going
My body tells the truth
About the horror of my youth.