Happiness Isn’t A Destination

Today I’m linking up with Rachel from The Invisible Hypothyroidism to share a guest post she’s kindly written for InvisiblyMe. It’s along the lines of issues I’ve touched on before, with the elusive nature of happiness, the rat race, the need to redefine our own version of what happiness means for us individually. Enjoy!

Happiness Isn’t a Destination

There is this idea within society that everyone should be aiming for something called ‘happiness’. We are told that ‘being happy’ is the ultimate goal in life, yet, if I was to become ‘happy’, for example in the sense that being 100% healthy would equal being happy, I fear that I would lose who I am. I would lose what makes me, me.

My health conditions have shaped who I am today and because of them, they have shaped my life and how I have to live it. After being diagnosed with my health conditions for several years now, I have learnt to work through the grieving process of feeling angry and shouting “It’s just not fair!” and have learnt to embrace how life has shaped me in to a better person.

However, as human beings, we are not meant to be one consistent emotion, such as ‘happy’. We go through numerous emotions throughout any given day and ‘happiness’ is just one of them that we may, or may not feel, on that particular day. How unattainable a goal it is to aim to reach that place that can’t be sustained forever? An emotion, a feeling, where we inevitably won’t stay? Yet we are encouraged to run after this idea of ‘being happy’. Unfalteringly happy.

To treat ‘happiness’ as a destination is just not realistic. And to think that it is a destination we will permanently be placed in is even more unrealistic

I don’t know about you, but I just want to feel at peace, especially with my new life. ‘New life’ meaning since I became a chronic illness warrior. A spoonie.

By feeling at peace, I mean that I learn to accept I will feel sad some days, angry or frustrated others and, on some days, happy. Because peace is accepting all of this. Peace is accepting that life is life and there is no one emotion or ‘state of happiness’ that will suddenly all fall into place when we tick things off a checklist set by society.

Just making peace with the fact that we’re human and we come in a whole range of emotions is absolutely fine. We’re allowed tricky days, days where we barely make it through and we’re allowed fantastic days.

But reaching happiness isn’t a destination or goal. You can’t keep it. It isn’t a possession. So work with what you’re feeling today and don’t go chasing after this destination called ‘happiness’, for it does not exist.

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[ Author : Rachel, The Invisible Hypothyroidism ]

Thyroid Patient Advocate. Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME), as well as having experience with Adrenal Fatigue, Depression and Anxiety Disorder, Rachel is an advocate for better quality of life for hypothyroid patients and writes at The Invisible Hypothyroidism, covering all aspects of what it’s like to have these conditions. Rachel is one of the many faces of thyroid disease and she’s passionate about helping those with hypothyroidism and giving them a voice. In addition to her blog, you can also follow Rachel on Facebook and Instagram.

This is so true. Some have a hard time functioning. Some are battling illnesses. I’m usually a very happy person and I leaned many years ago that comes from within. Yesterday I had a bad day. I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t all that happy either. Today I’m feeling my old self again. Happiness is definitely cyclical.

You’re right, for a lot of people it can be up and down, but ‘just a part of life’. Depression, anxiety, those change the landscape somewhat. I’m sorry you had a bad day Saturday, I hope you’re doing better today.. Thanks for the comment! 🙂

Thanks for sharing Rachel ‘s fabulous post Caz! She makes such an important point about happiness not being some destination that we should expect to arrive at and stay in. If this is our expectation, we’re sure to be disappointed when things aren’t going perfectly. Learning to be at peace with our circumstances, whatever they may be, is so much more important.

Definitely! I think we get stuck in the cycle of seeing it as a destination with how society works these days, the expectations that are set, the tick-list of things we ‘should’ do and how we ‘should’ feel and what we ‘should’ achieve at different points in our lives. I’m glad you liked the post and I’m happy I could share it! Have a good week, Terri 🙂
xx

This is a very inspiring message. We do have to go through all emotions, so that we may realize true blessings in our lives. I wouldn’t want anyone to experience the breast cancer diagnosis I received in 2005. Through that diagnosis and treatment, my husband and I have learned to treasure each moment. We also have been able to help others going through the cancer journey. I love happiness but there are many lessons learned from other feelings, too.

I totally agree and you’ve made a great point, Melissa. I think part of the problem is how we’re often made to feel that we ‘should’ be happy, and not just that but always happy. To reach happiness and stay there. It just doesn’t work like that in reality. The challenges we face, the tough days, the breadth of emotions we’re actually lucky enough to experience as human beings, all shape who we are and provide lessons in themselves. Thank you so much for sharing. xx

Thank you Caz for sharing Rachel’s amazing post! Y’all are both pretty darn amazing, so it was sweet to see y’all joining on this one! I do believe it is possible and a strong possibility that facing MS everyday has given me strength that I never knew I had and being able to find the peace within myself to keep moving forward!!

I’m glad that you liked the post – I’m glad Rachel shared it with InvisiblyMe and that I could share it with you all! I’m also glad you can see the strength to come from the challenges you’ve faced and continue to fight, and how they shape you for the better in ways that it can be hard to see sometimes. You’re a rockstar, Alys, so never forget the strength you have! xx

As caregiver (with my wife) of an adult daughter stricken by myalgic encephalomyelitis, I can very much relate to this post. ‘Swallowing’ that life is unfair is hard, but must be accepted if one is to make the best of one’s lot in life. She has days where she “barely makes it through” and days that are only half-bad–which is about as good as it gets–and yet she perseveres with more serenity than I would in her place. What more can I say?

I’m so sorry your daughter faces such challenges, but it sounds like she’s quite the trooper and it’s wonderful that she has you and your wife by her side. Sometimes the tougher-than-tough days and the reality of our situations can be very hard to swallow, you’re absolutely right, but accepting it, finding the strength we develop from it, the ways it shapes us for the better no matter how hard it is to see it sometimes, is so important in allowing us keep going and to move forward. Thank you so much for sharing xx

I fully agree. It’s a dangerous expectation and false belief that we should be aiming for it because it doesn’t exist, that ‘state’ of happiness that’s a goal to achieve and forever remain in. Being human is a colourful, multi-dimensional place of ups and downs and diversity, where we should carve our own paths without such pressures. Thanks for the comment, Jen, I’m glad you liked the post, too! 🙂
xx

If happiness is the destination, then we put too much weight on achieving it. What happens if achieve it – that’s the end of the journey? It’s the range of complex emotions that let’s us appreciate happiness. If everything were always great, we would stop noticing. If I have a migraine for three days, I am so grateful for day four when I feel better. If I hadn’t just been through migraine days, day 4 would be any other day.

So very well said, Lindsay! And I can certainly relate with the migraine example; that day after a row of migraines to not have one is always a joyous day. Thanks for the comment and I’m glad you liked the post 🙂
Caz xx