Have you loved your husband today?

As i muddle through my day as a stay at home mom, doing the mundane tasks that must be accomplished every single day in order to keep our home oporating, i realize the following thing:

my husband doesnt appreciate the daily tasks that i do. He doesnt suppose that its much trouble for me to manage the dishes, the meals, the laundry, the childcare, my own school work, caring for our 4 pets, and keeping the house clean and organized. He came home from work last night and asked me how my day was, and when i told him that the baby kept me busier then usual he replied with "well its not like taking care of her is THAT HARD". Which, is partially true. taking care of her is not that hard. taking care of her and accomplishing the above listed tasks is nearly impossible some days. My husband often makes it clear that i do not focus much of my time on doing things just for him, with the sole purpose of making him feel loved or wanted, or even important because i am so focused on all of the other things in my life. I am going to start challenging myself to do one thing that is "just for him" every day. Today, i will make his favorite cookie/brownies that he loves so much for him to enjoy after dinner, and i wont even ask for a bite (ok, this part is tentative, because im not sure i will be able to handle it), but i'll make the effort.

What do you do "just for him" that makes him feel special and loved and more important then the laundry?

As i muddle through my day as a stay at home mom, doing the mundane tasks that must be accomplished every single day in order to keep our home oporating, i realize the following thing:

my husband doesnt appreciate the daily tasks that i do. He doesnt suppose that its much trouble for me to manage the dishes, the meals, the laundry, the childcare, my own school work, caring for our 4 pets, and keeping the house clean and organized. He came home from work last night and asked me how my day was, and when i told him that the baby kept me busier then usual he replied with "well its not like taking care of her is THAT HARD". Which, is partially true. taking care of her is not that hard. taking care of her and accomplishing the above listed tasks is nearly impossible some days. My husband often makes it clear that i do not focus much of my time on doing things just for him, with the sole purpose of making him feel loved or wanted, or even important because i am so focused on all of the other things in my life. I am going to start challenging myself to do one thing that is "just for him" every day. Today, i will make his favorite cookie/brownies that he loves so much for him to enjoy after dinner, and i wont even ask for a bite (ok, this part is tentative, because im not sure i will be able to handle it), but i'll make the effort.

What do you do "just for him" that makes him feel special and loved and more important then the laundry?

Hi NorasMomma! I've actually never posted here, mainly a lurker, but I was super challenged by your post! I tend to get SO caught up in me, mine, I... I don't know what your religious background is but I'm a Christian and feel very selfish when I get stuck on "poor pitiful me." I really do find joy in serving others, especially my hubby, so thank you for the reminder. To answer your question: nothing says "I love you honey" like just pointing out something he's done or said that I think is wonderful. He says no ones opinion matters like mine so any praise for him is well received. Also, my needs are met beautifully when I make sure his are. It's a give and take and I love it :) Thanks again for the reminder/challenge.

Hi NorasMomma! I've actually never posted here, mainly a lurker, but I was super challenged by your post! I tend to get SO caught up in me, mine, I... I don't know what your religious background is but I'm a Christian and feel very selfish when I get stuck on "poor pitiful me." I really do find joy in serving others, especially my hubby, so thank you for the reminder. To answer your question: nothing says "I love you honey" like just pointing out something he's done or said that I think is wonderful. He says no ones opinion matters like mine so any praise for him is well received. Also, my needs are met beautifully when I make sure his are. It's a give and take and I love it :) Thanks again for the reminder/challenge.

I agree 100% with AshMurray2011 that I am very happy and satisfied when he is. I too am a Christian and take joy in serving my family husband and others. But to reply to the post, I made a pot roast dinner for my hubby along with his favorite cheese cake! He was super excited and decided to put our 7month old to bed for me so I got get some other stuff done!

I agree 100% with AshMurray2011 that I am very happy and satisfied when he is. I too am a Christian and take joy in serving my family husband and others. But to reply to the post, I made a pot roast dinner for my hubby along with his favorite cheese cake! He was super excited and decided to put our 7month old to bed for me so I got get some other stuff done!

I'm sorry, but I agree the first few responders... Your hubby and mine need to create a whining husband club! I have written this very post (no kidding, almost word for word!) on another board before and I did spend several weeks going out of my way to make him feel special and doted on but it didn't make a difference. Our husbands (general) don't understand that our day is not strictly taking care of LO and we are just as deserving - if not MORE so - of praise because frankly, going to work is not as difficult, or any more so, than what we are expected to do! In fact, all my husband does is complain about what didn't get done! I don't get any special words of praise or dessert though I do try to make hubby feel special, I don't let it clutter my forethought. Call me selfish but I don't see why they should be considered so extra special just because they work outside of the home!

I'm sorry, but I agree the first few responders... Your hubby and mine need to create a whining husband club! I have written this very post (no kidding, almost word for word!) on another board before and I did spend several weeks going out of my way to make him feel special and doted on but it didn't make a difference. Our husbands (general) don't understand that our day is not strictly taking care of LO and we are just as deserving - if not MORE so - of praise because frankly, going to work is not as difficult, or any more so, than what we are expected to do! In fact, all my husband does is complain about what didn't get done! I don't get any special words of praise or dessert though I do try to make hubby feel special, I don't let it clutter my forethought. Call me selfish but I don't see why they should be considered so extra special just because they work outside of the home!

HazeyStar- you're right! We DO have exhausting jobs. There are days when I think it would be such a break to go back to work haha! I guess my faith fills me with what I need. I don't know if that sounds hokey or arrogant, I apologize if it does. Def not my intent! I have to feel good with my actions at night when I go to bed. I have to feel like I accomplished something and that I was kind to others, despite what they've done or said to me. Again with my Christian faith/beliefs. Don't get me wrong though, I get frustrated at times. I guess I just can only answer for my actions/responses/words etc. Anyway, that's where I'm coming from. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for those days you don't feel appreciated. I know you're making a difference in your family :) AND even if he doesn't show it, your hubby sees it too I bet!

HazeyStar- you're right! We DO have exhausting jobs. There are days when I think it would be such a break to go back to work haha! I guess my faith fills me with what I need. I don't know if that sounds hokey or arrogant, I apologize if it does. Def not my intent! I have to feel good with my actions at night when I go to bed. I have to feel like I accomplished something and that I was kind to others, despite what they've done or said to me. Again with my Christian faith/beliefs. Don't get me wrong though, I get frustrated at times. I guess I just can only answer for my actions/responses/words etc. Anyway, that's where I'm coming from. For what it's worth, I'm sorry for those days you don't feel appreciated. I know you're making a difference in your family :) AND even if he doesn't show it, your hubby sees it too I bet!

DH and I are partners. We both try and do little things each day to make the other person feel special. However, If my husband spoke to me that way, as if what I do all day is nothing, he would not be getting any "love". We both work hard every day, and its the balance between us that makes our relationship work.

DH and I are partners. We both try and do little things each day to make the other person feel special. However, If my husband spoke to me that way, as if what I do all day is nothing, he would not be getting any "love". We both work hard every day, and its the balance between us that makes our relationship work.

I didn't really mean to sound so resentful, angry and whoa is me; I wrote me reply at the end of an incredibly long day which included a trip to the ER, not that exhaustion is an excuse for anything. I do feel though that our husbands are a bit out of line when they say things like op's husband did, and which my husband has as well. I think it is borderline degrading and implies, almost flat out says really, that what we do does not matter or hold any value.

I do try to do things to show my appreciation for my husband, after all he does not have to allow, or even want, me to stay home to raise our children. I make many of his favorite dishes for dinner although I do not care for most of them, I do little things like keeping his coffee carousel stocked (we have a Keurig coffee maker) and making snacks and treats for him and his friends when he has football parties, every now and then I will buy his favorite treats from the grocery (he only likes store bought desserts). I do other intimate things just for him too but I won't go into that. I do appreciate him and I do try to show my appreciation though I feel hurt by his comments when they are along the line of what op's said.

I'm sure my husband does appreciate what I do and he does occasionally tell me he thinks I'm doing great job or show his appreciation in some way - the most common way is picking up dinner on nights I clearly an exhausted and would like to rest rather cook. I just get complaints more often than compliments or exhibits of thankfulness and demands for attention. Our son is only 11 months old and we are still sorting things out and getting used to me not bringing in an income for the first time in our relationship/marriage.

I didn't really mean to sound so resentful, angry and whoa is me; I wrote me reply at the end of an incredibly long day which included a trip to the ER, not that exhaustion is an excuse for anything. I do feel though that our husbands are a bit out of line when they say things like op's husband did, and which my husband has as well. I think it is borderline degrading and implies, almost flat out says really, that what we do does not matter or hold any value.

I do try to do things to show my appreciation for my husband, after all he does not have to allow, or even want, me to stay home to raise our children. I make many of his favorite dishes for dinner although I do not care for most of them, I do little things like keeping his coffee carousel stocked (we have a Keurig coffee maker) and making snacks and treats for him and his friends when he has football parties, every now and then I will buy his favorite treats from the grocery (he only likes store bought desserts). I do other intimate things just for him too but I won't go into that. I do appreciate him and I do try to show my appreciation though I feel hurt by his comments when they are along the line of what op's said.

I'm sure my husband does appreciate what I do and he does occasionally tell me he thinks I'm doing great job or show his appreciation in some way - the most common way is picking up dinner on nights I clearly an exhausted and would like to rest rather cook. I just get complaints more often than compliments or exhibits of thankfulness and demands for attention. Our son is only 11 months old and we are still sorting things out and getting used to me not bringing in an income for the first time in our relationship/marriage.

I agree with both sides on this post. Your husband does seem a little ungrateful and little childish, (I on't know him personally, so I'm not saying he is; from your post, he does "sound" that way.) I do the same things you do every day as well, and it is very difficult. I also make an effort to do something nice for Luke every day, though; whether it be his favorite dinner and dessert, uninterrupted time, (he usually takes a bath and listens to his iPod), a back rub or scratch while we are laying in bed, or intimate time doing what he loves the best! ;)

The thing is: Luke does things for me every day, too. He comments on how nice the house looks, tells me how beautiful I am, asks how my day is and listens and comments when appropriate, rubs my back when laying down, or intimate time doing what he knows I love the most.

I think, in marriage/relationships, it has to be a give and take. I have been told that I'm not helping feminists by cooking, cleaning and taking care of our son day in and day out. I respond like this: he works a very difficult and physical job for 12 hours every day, he mows our lawns, takes care of our cars, fixes things around the house, etc. Why WOULDN'T I do my part? We are a team, a united unit.

I guess what I'm trying to say, (I know, get to the point, right?), is what is your husband doing for YOU to make YOU feel loved? It's a great idea to make an effort to make him feel loved every day; just make sure he is returning the favor.

P.S.- I'm LDS, so I'm a Christian too! :)

I agree with both sides on this post. Your husband does seem a little ungrateful and little childish, (I on't know him personally, so I'm not saying he is; from your post, he does "sound" that way.) I do the same things you do every day as well, and it is very difficult. I also make an effort to do something nice for Luke every day, though; whether it be his favorite dinner and dessert, uninterrupted time, (he usually takes a bath and listens to his iPod), a back rub or scratch while we are laying in bed, or intimate time doing what he loves the best! ;)

The thing is: Luke does things for me every day, too. He comments on how nice the house looks, tells me how beautiful I am, asks how my day is and listens and comments when appropriate, rubs my back when laying down, or intimate time doing what he knows I love the most.

I think, in marriage/relationships, it has to be a give and take. I have been told that I'm not helping feminists by cooking, cleaning and taking care of our son day in and day out. I respond like this: he works a very difficult and physical job for 12 hours every day, he mows our lawns, takes care of our cars, fixes things around the house, etc. Why WOULDN'T I do my part? We are a team, a united unit.

I guess what I'm trying to say, (I know, get to the point, right?), is what is your husband doing for YOU to make YOU feel loved? It's a great idea to make an effort to make him feel loved every day; just make sure he is returning the favor.

I totally get what you are all saying, and i agree, my husband DOES take me for granted, and very rarely ever thanks me for anything that i do, but i guess i have always looked at it as this is just what is expected of me, and i havent put much thought into the fact that its a fairly thankless job.

But, on the other hand, i dont really "thank" him daily for going off to work and bringing home the money so that I can stay at home with my daughter either, i usually will show it in some way through an action.

maybe this is more what i (we) should be working on :)

thanks, ladies

WOW! I totally didnt mean for this post to come off so negative!

I totally get what you are all saying, and i agree, my husband DOES take me for granted, and very rarely ever thanks me for anything that i do, but i guess i have always looked at it as this is just what is expected of me, and i havent put much thought into the fact that its a fairly thankless job.

But, on the other hand, i dont really "thank" him daily for going off to work and bringing home the money so that I can stay at home with my daughter either, i usually will show it in some way through an action.

First of all, HazeyStar: I hope you're ok. You said you went to the ER so I hope all is well (I'm posting on my phone and can't see who's expecting or what's going on with people) Now, back to the topic at hand. I definitely don't condone hubbies being jerks! As a PP said, marriages should be a give and take. I'd say my husband is wonderful 99% of the time. He supports, encourages, loves and praises me. I guess my response about being kind regardless pertains more to that 1% of the time when he isn't so pleasant. I guess the rest of the time he makes it easy, if I'm being honest.

First of all, HazeyStar: I hope you're ok. You said you went to the ER so I hope all is well (I'm posting on my phone and can't see who's expecting or what's going on with people) Now, back to the topic at hand. I definitely don't condone hubbies being jerks! As a PP said, marriages should be a give and take. I'd say my husband is wonderful 99% of the time. He supports, encourages, loves and praises me. I guess my response about being kind regardless pertains more to that 1% of the time when he isn't so pleasant. I guess the rest of the time he makes it easy, if I'm being honest.

i get up and have coffee with him every morning i text him just to tell him i miss him ill pack is lunch for the next day to make his life easy ill pick up things @ the store he mentioned wanting even just in passing i also try to look nice and have a smile when he gets home (i try)i feel blessed my husband works so hard so i can in joy our kids i also feel i should take care of his needs to and it makes me feel good to know he gets these little joys

i get up and have coffee with him every morning i text him just to tell him i miss him ill pack is lunch for the next day to make his life easy ill pick up things @ the store he mentioned wanting even just in passing i also try to look nice and have a smile when he gets home (i try)i feel blessed my husband works so hard so i can in joy our kids i also feel i should take care of his needs to and it makes me feel good to know he gets these little joys

I think it's unfair that your husband belittles you. It's not an easy job to be a SAHM. We are "on call" 24/7. It's an awarding, wonderful job, but just like any job, it's trying at times. I think it would be nice if your husband appreciated YOU for once & thanked YOU for caring, loving & educating your child!
To respond to the post... I made my dh his favorite cookies, cream-cheese sugar cookies, in heart shapes for him this morning. :^}

I think it's unfair that your husband belittles you. It's not an easy job to be a SAHM. We are "on call" 24/7. It's an awarding, wonderful job, but just like any job, it's trying at times. I think it would be nice if your husband appreciated YOU for once & thanked YOU for caring, loving & educating your child!
To respond to the post... I made my dh his favorite cookies, cream-cheese sugar cookies, in heart shapes for him this morning. :^}

I love this! It's so true.... The book 5 languages of love talks about focusing on showing the other person love in their language... We could battle them all day saying well he's not loving or appreciating me so why should I do this for him? Well we can only change what we do.... Nagging only leads to fighting. We can change our actions and show him love and in turn he may start to show more appreciation and love...

I love this! It's so true.... The book 5 languages of love talks about focusing on showing the other person love in their language... We could battle them all day saying well he's not loving or appreciating me so why should I do this for him? Well we can only change what we do.... Nagging only leads to fighting. We can change our actions and show him love and in turn he may start to show more appreciation and love...

I'm not Christian, I don't love housework, I love my family especially my hubby because he gave me my family. If I wanted to do something just for him that would make him feel special it would be a BJ! Men love that!

I'm not Christian, I don't love housework, I love my family especially my hubby because he gave me my family. If I wanted to do something just for him that would make him feel special it would be a BJ! Men love that!

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