During his campaign, Rick Santorum didn't ask for much from his lodging. In fact, the only thing that he explicitly required was that all hotels housing his staff offer a free breakfast buffet. Hey, I agree with Rick Santorum about something!

Santorum's geriatric demand for free breakfast (or, as I'm now obligated to pun, "The Buffet Rule") wasn't due to the fact that sausages and pancakes served in metal warming pans are awesome. Rather, it was due to the fact that his was campaign was broke, and his exhausted staffers could use all of the complex breakfast carbohydrates they could get.

Before he dropped out of the race on April 10th, Rick Santorum ran a campaign that had long been hanging on by a thread, run on a shoestring budget, and appealed to a fringe group of folks whose looms were missing several frets. But among the unpleasant stringiness of a Santorum Presidential run was some dogged resolve. Santorumites don't sound like they were disingenuous social climbers eager to pad their Washington resumes; they were true believers. So much so that they'd share rooms and didn't mind that there were no actual campaign headquarters and I wouldn't be surprised if they also hoarded ketchup packets when the campaign bus stopped at McDonald's so that they could make their famous "ketchup pie" for dessert on Sundays. Thanks be to God & Ronald McDonald!

Joking aside, Rick Santorum's broke-ass campaign is still terribly broke; it's about $2 million in debt, and it doesn't look like Mitt Romney is going to bail him out. But instead of begging for the same sort of handout that Rick Santorum would condemn other people for wanting, he should pick himself up by the bootstraps. We can all agree on the virtue of the free breakfast buffet, and not one of those bullshit "continental" breakfast buffets with day-old bagels and a machine that dispenses orange juice that tastes a little bit like Coca-Cola, either — the real shit. Why not compile all of his useful breakfast buffet knowledge into a helpful guidebook for fellow cheapskates and brokesters? The Santorum Guide to America's Free Breakfasts. I'd buy it!