Rachel : No Mon, *you* want to put them in concentric circles. I want
to do this.

(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica’s nose. Monica clears it out of her
nose by closing one nostril and blowing)

Monica : Every year.

OPENING CREDITS

[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s, continued from earlier]

Phoebe : Y’know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one
of these things.

Ross : (just as she sits down) Halftime. (the guys all get up)

Joey : Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get
a little three on three going?

Rachel : Oh! That would be sooo much fun!

Phoebe : Oh, can I play too? I’ve never played football, like ever.

Joey : Great, you can cover Chandler.

Chandler : No, no, no, I don’t, I don’t really wanna play.

Joey : Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice
broke up.

Chandler : That’s not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut
clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say that
I don’t have goals!

Joey : Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you
play, you get some fresh air, maybe it’ll take your mind off Janice, and if
you don’t play, everyone will be mad at you ’cause the teams won’t be even.
Come on.

Chandler : Yeah, all right, I’ll play.

Phoebe : Yay!!

Rachel : Let’s do it! Ross?

Ross : What?

Rachel : Do you wanna play football?

Ross : Um, Monica and I aren’t supposed to play football.

Joey : Says who? Your mom?

Monica and Ross : Yeah.

Monica : Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch
football game called the "Geller Bowl."

Chandler : No, no, no, you say that proudly.

Monica : Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind
of competitive, and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross’s nose.

Ross : It was soo not an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so
she threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right in my face. And just kept running.

Monica : To score the winning touchdown, by the way.

Ross : Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown
didn’t count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage,
nose breaking.

Monica : (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.

Ross : Oh yeah! Then how come you didn’t get the Geller Cup?

Rachel : Um, there was a "Geller Cup"?

Ross : Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad
said, nobody won that game, and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the
trophy and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying
this) threw it in the lake.

Chandler : And was the curse lifted?

Ross : (gravely) Anyway. That’s when Mom said we were not to play football
ever again.

Monica : Y’know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on,
it’s been twelve years.

Ross : Can I see you for a second?

(they walk over to the sink and discuss it in whispers for a moment)

Monica : (shouting) Once!!

Ross : All right, we’re gonna play.

Chandler : But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, because
my Mom won’t let me cRoss the street.

[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game]

Monica : Okay. Let’s bring it in.

Rachel : Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.

Ross : Here you go. (throws her the ball)

Rachel : (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me
in the face.

Joey : All right, we have to pick captains.

Chandler : And then Tenielles.

Phoebe : Okay, so how do we decide that?

Monica : Well, why don’t we just bunny up.

Rachel, Chandler, and Joey : What?

Monica and Ross : (holding both of their hands above their heads making
rabbit ears with their fingers) Bunny!

Monica : Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied
first so that means I get to pick first. Joey.

Monica : No! (stops Phoebe’s celebration) Listen, I’m not gonna go through
this with you again, okay? Just once I wanna beat when you can’t blame it on
the broken nose, or the buzzer, or the fact that you thought you might be getting
mono. Let’s just call this, tie score and it’s halftime.

Ross : Okay, first of all, I don’t play with cheaters, and second of
all, you know I had swollen glands!!

Monica : Y’know what? I’ll think you’ll play.

Ross : Oh really! Why is that?

[cut to Monica and Rachel’s]

Monica : Because the winner gets this!

(Monica slams a homemade trophy on the table consisting of a doll mounted atop
a piece of wood with Dymo-style labels on it, used to indicate the annual winner,
"Monica" or "Ross")

Ross : (reverently) The Geller Cup!

Chandler : Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by
four?

All : Yeah.

Chandler : (in disgust) Okay, good.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game]

Ross : Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!

Monica : When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose
fixed, I swam into the lake and fished it out.

Monica : All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will
you be able to focus?

Joey : What are you gonna do?

Monica : All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball,
I’ll take care of the rest.

Joey : Okay.

Monica : Break!

Joey : Here you go!

(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)

Ross : Chandler! Chandler!

(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield)

Chandler : (to MARGHA) Hi.

(just as he gets in front of MARGHA, Monica comes up and tackles him)

Monica : Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don’t see that everyday,
do ya?

Ross : Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s with the tackling?

Monica : What?! I just touched him and he went over.

Ross : Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.

(They both stare each other down as we hear "Let’s get ready to r-r-r-rum-ble!!!")

(A long football sequence follows, to that hockey-arena style dance music)

[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler’s head to Joey who catches
it for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles
him, and he starts to dance in celebration]

[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over
and pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass]

[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts
screaming and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing
is running around his waist and screaming]

[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show
Rachel standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her
on the head and she looks up to see where it came from]

[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers
a fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and
she yells]

Phoebe : I love this game!!

[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel]

Ross : Hey, where’d you get that?

Rachel : I went really long.

Monica : (like a cheerleader) Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey,
Ross is done!

Ross : It’s no surprise that your winning, ’cause you got to pick first,
so you got the better team.

Chandler : You hear that! That is her choose, "Mr. I’ll-let-you-have-her"!
I win! You suck! I rule all! Mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave)
A-woo-hoo!

Margha : I’m now thinking I would like to change my answer to, "no one".

Chandler : Wh-what?

Margha : I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.

Joey : Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.

Chandler : Y’know what, it doesn’t matter, ’cause she picked me. Me!
From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching
"Ready, Set, Cook"!

Ross : Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking.
We have no time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.

Chandler : We’re not gonna lose to girls.

Ross : Hey! It’s 42-21!

Joey : This sucks, I was just up by that much!

Monica : Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marys.

[cut to the girls huddle]

Monica : We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay,
just think about every lousy date you’ve ever had, okay? Every guy who kept
one eye on the TV while you’re making out...

Phoebe : Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!

Monica : Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let’s kill
’em!

Rachel : Yeah!!! Kill ’em!!!

Phoebe : All right, no, well I want to kill them too, but they’re boys,
y’know? How are we gonna beat three boys?

(Another football sequence follows to the surf-type music used in the opening
sequence of Pulp Fiction)

[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe is flashing
him, he stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the
ball away. Chandler stays in place, smiling]

[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it’s intercepted by Joey, who starts
to run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but
she doesn’t slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order
to help stop Joey, who still manages to pull them along and score the touchdown]

[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but
Chandler covers his eyes, and keeps running blindly as she pursues, exposing
herself. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field]

[cut to the girls huddle]

Monica : All right, we still have a minute and a half left to go, and
we’re down by two points, okay? Two points, ladies ... (she gets interrupted
by the guys, who are doing a slow-motion high five) Phoebe you do a button-hook
again. Rachel, you go long.

(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the
park and up along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past
Monica, as she gets to Monica, she throws the ball at Monica at close range,
and it hits her in the eye)

Rachel : I’m so sorry! Are you okay?

Monica : No! I’m not okay!

Rachel : I’m sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn’t know
what to do.

Joey : (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!

Chandler : Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!

(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler
and all over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to angrily rush Monica,
who sees Phoebe is double covered - we’re talking definite pass interference
here - and, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see it flying through the
air, and then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again,
then the ball, then Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Rachel
catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both Phoebe and Monica
erupt in celebration)