I’m Dreading the Day My Daughter Asks Me Why Her Father Did Not Want Her

Not a tv show, my real life

I am sure you can remember the episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when Will Smith’s father came back into his life after being absent for several years. I don’t think there was a dry eye after watching the end of that episode. The part that gets everybody is when Will is all set to go on the road with his dad for the summer. Will is all packed and ready to go, when his father comes and says that plans have changed and that they had to put their trip on hold for a couple of weeks, or longer. Will acts like it doesn’t bother him, but of course, it does. After his father leaves, Will has a heartfelt conversation with his Uncle Phil, and then, the episode closes with Will asking Uncle Phil, while trying to hold back the tears, “How come he don’t want me man?”

What do I tell her?

Of course, while writing this post, I am a little teary-eyed because I watched a clip of this part of the episode before I started writing this. I have seen that episode several times, but seeing it as a single mother has a different effect on me then it did before I was a Mother. I asked my mom the other day, “what am I supposed to tell my daughter whenever she asks me why her father does not want her?” My mom told me that I would just need to remind her that my daughter has a mother, grandparents, godparents, and several family members who love her. She also told me that if my daughter were to ask again when she’s older, then that would be the time to tell her the truth. But what is the truth? That her mother made a rash decision the day she was conceived? That her mother is not good with relationships?

I’m not surprised that I am a single mother

I grew up as an only child, and I am used to being independent. I try to do everything on my own before I dare to ask for help. I don’t think I would know what to do if I had to share decision making with someone else. I posted something on Facebook the other day, listing reasons why there are some positives to being a single mother. One reason was that I am the sole decision-maker for my daughter. The second reason was that I don’t have to worry about a partner not doing anything when I need help. I have read blogs, and have heard from mothers in my mom groups who have a spouse or a partner, but feel like they are a single mother because their partner expects them to do everything. Well, I do everything by myself anyways, so, no need to depend on anyone to let me down when I need help from them. The last reason is that I don’t have to share my daughter with someone else, she only has to love one parent. Call me selfish, but I like that I don’t have to share…I guess that’s the only child in me.

Being a single mother is hard…

…but rewarding because not many people can do what we do. It’s sad that my daughter’s father wants nothing to do with her. I don’t think he realizes how much he is missing out on when it comes to my daughter. She is a ray of sunshine who makes everything better. I just feel bad for her when she’s older and doesn’t have a father to take to the Father-Daughter Dance at school, or she doesn’t get a chance to make an art project to give her father on Father’s Day. Well, that’s his loss I guess. I don’t know what the future holds for me when it comes to love and relationships, but who knows, maybe my daughter will have a Father one day, who will treat her as his own.

Until next time,

Contributing Mommi Kiah

My name is Kiah and I am a single mom to 12 month old Aaliyah Rose, and loving every minute of being her mommi. I’m originally from Maryland but currently reside right outside of Atlanta, Georgia. I have a bachelor’s degree in Gerontology and I am a certified Doula (what an unlikely pair, lol). I currently work for one of Atlanta’s major hospitals with hopes of expanding my career and earning a master’s in healthcare. When I’m not working, I like to work on crafts, binge on a good Netflix series, and of course write!