Distractions during sex - Having real issues here

Hey folks. I'm looking for some advice or maybe someone who can help me figure out what might be causing problems.

I'm having an awful time trying to keep my head (literally here, that thing on top of my neck) into sex. Whenever my wife and I start fooling around, if there's just the slightest thing wrong, it completely shuts down my mood. I mean, if it's too hot in the room, or our cats bang on the bedroom door or there's a song stuck in my head, or ANYTHING, I just can't stop myself from obsessing over it and completely psyching myself out. Forget about sex in hotel rooms, or when there are other people in the house.

I've lost erections while in the middle of intercourse because of it.

I'm really not sure what the hell my problem is and it's starting to really impact our sex life. My wife is starting to feel like I'm not attracted to her and that's completely not the case. But I just can't seem to sustain the passion. I can be completely rock hard one minute, and then something stupid creeps into my head and I'm limp as a noodle.

I dont know, but it seems like all of this is just a mindstate, ya know? Try to give a damn about everything else, calm down and focus on your wife and how much you want her and let go of stuff that distract you..

I dont know.. Maybe some more experienced members about this topic can answer you better than me. Just wanted to throw in my 5 cents in case its worth something.

Gold Member

This is not an uncommon problem, and I think most men go through a crisis of sexual confidence at least once in their lives. When we get into this situation once, we can sometimes get stressed over it, and stress really kills erections. I have been through this, and it took a while for me to be completely clear of it. Fortunately my wife was very supportive, but we also have very good communication between the two of us.

The advice I was given was to be aware of the thoughts in my head, and when any negative thoughts happened I was told to tell those thoughts to stop and go away. What really worked for me was to fantasise how big and hard I was going to be for my wife, and keep THAT thought in my head, just concentrating on thoughts of my big hard cock inside her. Meditating on that thought during sex kept all the negative thoughts away, and overnight sex became good and reliable again. And the more success I had, the more I was able to deal with noise and distractions as well.

I worked this one out myself, and it worked for me. Maybe, you can try it and see what happens.

This is not an uncommon problem, and I think most men go through a crisis of sexual confidence at least once in their lives. When we get into this situation once, we can sometimes get stressed over it, and stress really kills erections. I have been through this, and it took a while for me to be completely clear of it. Fortunately my wife was very supportive, but we also have very good communication between the two of us.

The advice I was given was to be aware of the thoughts in my head, and when any negative thoughts happened I was told to tell those thoughts to stop and go away. What really worked for me was to fantasise how big and hard I was going to be for my wife, and keep THAT thought in my head, just concentrating on thoughts of my big hard cock inside her. Meditating on that thought during sex kept all the negative thoughts away, and overnight sex became good and reliable again. And the more success I had, the more I was able to deal with noise and distractions as well.

I worked this one out myself, and it worked for me. Maybe, you can try it and see what happens.

Click to expand...

Yes, I think I'm going to give that a try. You're absolutely right - once things start to go, then I get stressed about the fact that it's happening, and then in REALLY starts to go. Failure begets more failure.

Hi, You don't say how old you are. I know from experiece over the years that I hate distractions during the deed. Sometimes it is also related to the strenght of the fire burning. And this can be related to age. I'm 58 going on 59. My erection will come and go sometimes during but as I have gotten older it can still feel great even if I'm not totally hard. I just continue to moan to let my wife know I'm enjoying it still. Heck I've even come occasionally while being semi-flaccid.
As far as distractions, the dogs stay out of my room. I lock the outside gate so if they start barking at something I can round them right up. I dissconnect the phone during as I don't want my wife getting a call at the last minute! We put on a favorite CD to fill the room with soft but dominant sound to drowned out other sounds.
There is great technology these days for subliminal CD's with or without accompanying music. They range from relaxing to stimulating. I have studied altrnative health now for 37 years. There are scads of aphrodisiac substances both herbal and nutritional that can and will make the fire hotter! Hell, even with my sensitive nature in relation to distractions and interuptions i've taken substances that made not care what was going on. I was going to finish and I was going to get some no matter what! I remember one time recently. I had watched a really good couples movie or two with my wife. And I had tried new aphrodisiac substance that is used in South America. I was so hot that I had to remember to warm the little women up sufficiently first as to not get her to be way out of step with where I was coming from. I was so excited though, I probably didn't wait long enough to make my moves. Sometimes she likes that though, as she is amused if I'm acting younger and more vital and come in 5 minutes. So back to the story. So whatever wasn't perfect at the time; I can't remember exactly what, something started happening. It might have been my hound dog carrying on with her, as the neighbor once said, "hideous sound". I remember thinking that ordinarily this would be a big boner buster for me. But as I said, hell I was going to get some and was well into the promised land, with a real good idea of what was going to happen real soon. At that point I had to laugh silently to myself as I realized what had just happened. Old sensitive me didn't give a hoot what else was happening; I was going to continue and finish no matter what. And nothing short of a house fire was going to distract me. It was eye-opening to experience a different personality coming right out of my very own brain.
Many people generally speaking of course, do not have a good education in nutrition. So as a rule a lot of people have deficiecies. What you are discribing can be a need for magnesium and a calming B vitamin such as b6. A good food form vitamin mineral supplement plus some extra magnesium helps maintain an even keel. Especially if alcohol is part of you life. And ther are also good supplements for healthy blood sugar control, which helps performance and mood. One particular aphrodisiac is good for performance and great for blood sugar. If there is an interest on this board for this type of discussion I would be glad to start a thread on nutrional and aphrodisiac-like substances for both men and women.
O.H.hat

Gold Member

Distractions bother me. I am getting older. I need to manage the environment.

I was letting my wife play with my cock, with her hand, and I was slow getting erected, so I put some lube on my fingers, reached around and started fingering my asshole. My penis got hard, and things progressed along nicely. I accentuated my chest sticking out, with one hand behind my back, and rubbed my chest along her body, as I was pumping my hips into her hand.

I have masturbated over the years, but usually my partner will massage my asshole. So I guess I can start doing myself, to get harder quicker. I should cut my finger nails shorter, more often. I have some finger protectors, like small rubbers, I can also use.

I like to have errotic images on TV, but my wife is not aways comfortable with that concept.

Gold Member

mdw, I am so glad you started this thread, because I have the same problem at times. Its not usually a sound that distracts me, though, its my own mind.

Sometimes I get so close to coming, then I totally lose it because some worry or woe had entered my mind. This can go on for a long time, (20 minutes to a half hour) before I can focus enough to orgasm and sometimes I just give up on coming at all.

On the flip side, I've also had the experience where I've had to distract myself in order to orgasm. There have been times where my husband was only half-heartedly trying to get me off, or his fingers were cold, or he was eating my pussy so lackadaisically it was like getting pecked to death by a duck. Usually, I'd give him pointers on how to get me off, but other times when I was just so frustrated by his attitude, I'd leave him out of my orgasm all together.

I'd start to think of someone else doing me in an aggressive manner, usually a favourite cyber lover, and I'd let my mind take control of my clit and "KABOOM!" I'd be coming.

I sometimes feel guilty for thinking of other men when with my hubby, but mostly not.

I suffer from the same thing. Get the room set up early if you can! Focus your mind on the good things about her. Esp the feeling. I get so caught up with stuff sometimes, I have a hard time to keep my mind on whats at hand..or at...well you know.
Looking into her eyes often takes away everything else. Its like a deeper connection.