Oi Oi Oi, What's All This Then?

PC Saxton was doing his usual rounds when he came across a suspiciously parked car outside an abandoned factory warehouse. Ever since the landmark 'Mars and Venus' bill passed the previous August, it was always a potential danger for a lone policeman to investigate suspicious activity.

He approached the car and found a young man sat in the driver's seat. The man was busy reading a book on stamp collecting and hadn't seemed to notice the inquisitive bobby. PC Saxton couldn't see anything amiss about his behaviour and so was about to turn back when something caught his eye. A toe appeared briefly at the back seat window before quickly disappearing back out of sight.

PC Saxton's immediate instinct was that this was a clear case of kidnapping and up until last year would have immediately arrested they young man and freed the young maiden (or possibly squire, it's hard to judge from just a toe). However, The Venus Act 2011 had officially legalised almost all forms of kidnap, as well as bondage, sexuality manipulation and bimbification. As long as a girl was not married, not a vegan and at least twenty years of age, the Venus Act clearly stated that none of the above acts were a crime in the city of London or the surrounding Counties of Kent, Sussex and Essex (the latter of which had unbeknownst to the general public, been a trial county for the Venus Act since 1973).

The Wynd Act of 2011 had originated as American Legislature after a new and charismatic government had swept to power and introduced sweeping changes throughout the nation. As a third party candidate affiliated with no political party who amassed 99.2% of the popular vote, the unknown figure known only to the electorate as 'Venus' immediately declared dictatorial rule over the US. This was quickly followed by installing the blowjob as the nation's official currency and the annexation of Canada. Within the month unemployment was eradicated as all jobless women voluntarily took up jobs in one of the three government-approved fields for female employment: Prostitution, stripping and waitressing. Jobless men on the other hand were deported to Guinea.

By the end of the year, all major governments had signed treaties with the new USA giving them freedom to continue to run their nations as before in exchange for their unrequited support of the new regime combined with agreeing to establish the Venus act in their Capital City and parts of the surrounding area. Therefore mind controllers were now free to do pretty much anything they pleased within London and there was little the police could do. Furthermore the reconditioning of police officers into sissy foot slaves had been decriminalised just the previous month and thus most policeman pretty much avoided questioning anybody these days.

It was still nonetheless within the duty of a police officer to investigate incidents such as kidnappings just in case actual illegal acts such as drinking coffee, playing online scrabble or owning any form of media relating to the Twilight Saga were also taking place. Besides, Ian Saxton was old school, he didn't need backup, he did things his way. He'd been a cop for nineteen years and he wasn't going to let some megalomaniacal government change how he kept his streets safe, even if it did one day lead to him lapping at a set of toes not dissimilar to the one that was the reason he was in this predicament to begin with.

Taking a deep breath and mentally preparing himself for a life of sissification, PC Saxton gently knocked on the window of the young man's car and the young man in turn looked up at the man in uniform and smiled, seemingly unfazed by the what in this day and age had become: 'the pretty feeble arm of the law'. The man rolled down his car window and greeted the policeman,

"Good day, officer. How are you this fine evening? Is anything the matter?"

"I'm very well thank you young lad. And nothing is the matter no, although I am afraid that I will need to ask a few questions though if you don't mind awfully with regards to well... you know actions of the kidnapping variety; just procedure and all that."

"It's no trouble at all officer. You're just doing your job after all. Stamp collectors and collections of the 1950s can wait a few more minutes and it's great to see that London still has one or two proper policeman about with the sense of proper duty to make sure people follow the law. I commend you sir, you are what makes Britain the great nation it still is today."

"Thank you lad, it's very kind of you to say. But I do still have to ask..."

"Understand completely, carry on."

Good. so, first of all, are you in possession of any Class Triple Alpha illegal substances such as heroin, instant coffee or any Apple branded electronic equipment?"

"No Officer. I know the law sir. I would not dream of owning such life-destroying substances as those. I am clean as a whistle."

"Good for you lad, good to see you aren't poisoning yourself with that rubbish. Now, I also need to ask if you are partaking in any games of online scrabble that were not started before the official amnesty date of 3rd February 2011?"

"Absolutely not, Officer."

"Good, good. Well this all seems in order then." Replied PC Saxton, his confidence was beginning to grow that he wouldn't have to go through the futility of trying to arrest a mind controller in London Town. "There is one other small issue that I need to take care of though."

"You can ask me anything Officer, I have nothing to hide."

"I'm afraid I will have to ask you a couple of questions with regards to the hogtied young lady in the backseat." said PC Saxton, pointing to the naked young lady in the back seat who was desperately trying to free herself from her bonds but to no avail.

"No problem, officer. I completely understand."

"Thank you, this won't take long at all as everything seems to be in order." PC Saxton was relieved at how cooperative the young man was being, "So, is she married, engaged or kind of seeing someone but they're not really sure if its serious or not yet?"

"No officer, single as they come, not even 'dating someone but it's not exclusive'."

"Good, good. Is she a vegan?"

"Definitely not, I made sure to confirm that as soon as possible seeing as she will be on a largely sausage based diet in the near future if you catch my drift."

"I think I do lad."

"And I want her to be as hungry as possible for my home-grown bratwurst if you know what I'm saying officer."

"Yes, yes I get the picture lad. Thank you ever so much for that lovely image. I still must ask the next question though: is she related to you and if so, are you in possession of a valid Incestuous Liaisons License or temporary permit?"

"Nope, we're definitely not related officer. We only met about six hours ago in fact, she was only planning to be in London for the weekend, but luckily for her, her stay has been extended indefinitely."

"Good, that just leaves one final question: Do you have any bimbifying intentions with regards to the young lady and if so are you within your legally allocated quota of no more than three bimbos per month, or four if you donate one to the homeless or one of the city's six other official Charity Bimbo Donation Centres by the end of the second week of the month of bimbification?"

"Yes I do have bimbifying intentions officer and also no I have not exceeded my quota." The young man reached into his wallet and handed a card over to the PC "Here's my Oyster Card officer, I am sure if you scan it you will see I have one more bimbo ration left this month and I intend to swipe it on her as soon as possible sir."

PC Saxton handed the man his Oyster card back. "There is no need to bother with checking, I believe you. Thanks for your cooperation."

"Not at all officer, I hope you have a good evening. May the streets of London be ever safer with you on patrol."

"Thank you young man and may you have a pleasant evening with your new friend." Replied the PC.

He was about to turn and leave when PC Saxton realised that he had forgotten to ask one basic question, "Um, I'm terribly sorry but I just have to ask one more question lad."

"Fire away sir,"

Would you mine telling me your age?"

"Oh yes, of course. I'm twenty-two years old officer. Was born October 4th 1990."

"Ah good. And what about the girl?"

"Ah yes the girl... well she'll be twenty in just under seven minutes time officer."