Thursday, August 04, 2005

The Princess Vision Quest

I ran away from home today. Not really, since John knows where I am, but I am on a trip by myself which is quite unusual. So unusual because I have NEVER done this before, I mean never traveled by myself, never eaten out by myself, or anything like that. I'll just confess right now and say that I am a princess. Basically I have had someone taking care of me all my life. First it was my parents then my 3 husbands. Yikes, that looks crazy in print like I am a real relationship risk, ha, ha. Only to the 4 year mark though which is when my first 2 marriages ended. I told John going in that life with me would be a roller coaster ride and that 4 years was typically a rough spot for me. We are coming up on 13 lucky years so clearly we are doing something right. John particularly is skilled at managing our marriage; he is quite adept at taking care of the princess. Thus he approved my plan to venture forth on my own. I don’t think he “gets it” necessarily, my need to do this, but he is supportive and I am very grateful for that.

It all started when I read this book, “The Pull of the Moon,” by Elizabeth Berg. It is about a 50 year old woman who runs away from home. Obviously women running away from home is not a unique thought(although I don’t think a lot actually act on it) and the book didn’t initiate this thought pattern for me but rather confirmed an idea that had been rolling around in my head for awhile. I couldn’t say how long exactly, but for several years at least I have had this overwhelming desire to head out ON MY OWN. Driving of course, meandering if I wanted, and setting my own course. And so here I am, in St. Charles, IL. I came to this place specifically so I could kill 2 birds with one stone(even my running away lacks a certain spontaneity) and hopefully gather some new collage stuff at the Kane County Flea Market. But I also wanted to ramble around and see how it feels to just do whatever. Whenever. I played around with the concept today and drove off the beaten path. I stopped in Morris, Il and went to several antique shops and bought some interesting stuff. I talked to people and found out about another flea market on Sunday, even went so far as to write down the directions and I think I will stop there on the way home.

My friend Michelle just got back from a Vision Quest where she had to be self sufficient for God knows how many days, camping out in the wilderness, placing a rope around her tent because rumor has it rattlesnakes won’t slither over a rope. (As an aside, I should mention that John saw something on the Discovery channel where snakes DID slither right across a rope but I didn't have the heart to tell Michelle till afterwards). Anyway, Michelle suggested that it sounded like I was going on a Princess Vision Quest. And so I am.

although we are enlightened women, there are perks to being loved by kind-hearted, caring men. one of those perks is never having to fill up a gas tank. i can do it, i may have to do it, but i don't do it.

in turn, i also know there are things i do for my husband that smack of 50's housewifery.

the reason these gender-typical activities aren't chauvinistic is that they constitute choices and not mandates we follow because society dictates them.