GOP guide: How to win Nevada

As the Republican presidential hopefuls arrive in Nevada, I want to take some time to welcome them to our fair state and graciously provide some helpful pointers:

• Just because Steve Wynn can’t say it right … pronounce the name correctly. Please. It is not, as Wynn says, Ne-vah-duh; it’s Ne-vad-a. Practice it in front of the mirror. Put a phonetic pronouncer in the prompter. Or just memorize it. You can be sure we in the media will be listening.

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• We are three states in one: Nevada has two urban areas and a vast, rural expanse. The people in Las Vegas don’t care about the other two areas, so feel free to make “cow county” and “biggest little city in the world” jokes when you are in southern Nevada. The folks in Reno think the South wants to rise up and steal money from them (shhh — it’s true), so say, “Las Vegas,” with a sneering tone when you are there. The rural folks have a real inferiority complex (I don’t know why), so pretend you really enjoy being with them and that will be enough. Some numbers to remember: Even though the rurals are the most Republican counties, 60 percent of the state’s GOP voters are in Clark County and 21 percent are in Washoe County. So that one stop you are making in Elko really is enough.

• The third rail of Nevada politics: The media are more obsessed with Yucca Mountain than most regular folks. But because the media are omnipotent, you better come up with something better than what most of you used in the debates. I wouldn’t use the phrase “sound science,” either — we’ve heard that one before. I would focus on a simple pander and hope no one follows up: “I can promise you as president that I will never put the health, safety and welfare of Nevadans at risk.” It has worked for many Nevada candidates, so it’s worth a shot.

• The governor will be in Switzerland: Even though he’s not as popular as you might think, Gov. Brian Sandoval is a hit with GOP voters. But don’t bother kissing his ring unless you want to talk about those football crooks at his alma mater (Ohio State) or find out how a court case can help you break a no-new-taxes pledge. Sandoval endorsed Rick Perry out of friendship, but the governor is in once-burned, twice-shy mode. I’d say he’s more of a Mitt Romney guy than any of the others, but he will never say so. Go see him, if you will, and make sure he takes you to eat at the exquisite Adele’s in Carson City, but don’t expect an endorsement.