"We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully," Romans 12:6-8

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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Baby Joshua and Contentment

This post is long over due. It has been so long since I last posted on my blog, and boy have I missed it. Life has been crazy. Well, that’s and understatement, but we’ll go with it. It seems like my days weeks are filled with working, working-out, cleaning, shopping, seeing my husband a few hours here and there, and catching up with friends when time allows. Don’t get me wrong, God has blessed my life more than I can imagine. Last year at this time I was writing on this blog about my desperation to find a job, about my desire to find my purpose, my hopes and dreams as a nurse, my worries about the future and my struggle to fully surrender and trust the Lord. Guess what, today I write about the same things. I write about my desperation to find time for photography, my desire to fulfill my purpose as a wife (and soon to be mother), my hopes and dreams as a mom, my worries about spending adequate time with my family, and my struggle to fully surrender and trust the Lord. Notice a trend, I do. I notice my “human-ness” all too much. Notice how finding contentment can be one of the hardest things on this beautifully messy world. I pray daily for peace, for patience, for strength and for contentment. And you know what’s amazing, He answers. I find peace sitting on the couch, with my husbands arms wrapped around me and my jeans feeling too tight cause my child is now the size of a lemon, and He gave me that. He grants me patience for the screaming child at work, cause they are afraid of the very thing I am, the unknown. He gives me strength when at the end of the day, when I am drained of energy and motivation, there is nothing I want more than to come home and serve my husband. He fills me with contentment when I look around and see that everything in my life is a blessing. By no means do I have this mastered, tomorrow is a new day, and when my feet hit the floor, the fight begins once again. However, I won’t stop fighting. I won’t give in. Everyday in this place is a tug-o-war. The minute you feel your gaining, and you have it all--- you end up knee deep in mud. Always room to be growing, learning, striving, and yes, being learning to trust and be truly content.

I look at my life and wonder, how could I not be content? How could I struggle? How could I not trust Him? Yes, Him. The God who blessed me with an amazing husband who is leading our family so well. The same God who blessed me with a job that pays the bills, a house that keeps me warm, a child that is growing minute by minute, second my second inside me. A God who has given me more than I ever wanted, more then I ever needed and more than I deserve. So today I surrender. Today I trust. Today, as I post these pictures of my beautiful two week old nephew, I praise God. Joshua is perfect. I have always felt that if you nothing brings more peace and contentment then looking into the eyes of a baby. So, if any of you reading are like me, struggling to fully grasps onto contentment---- enjoy this.