For decades we’ve been taught sex is for reproduction, not for pleasure. Bec Park, co-founder of condom brand Jonny, wants this to change.

I got my first sex education at four years old. My mum, who really meant well, showed me the progression of her second pregnancy through the pictures in a book called Every Woman. I quickly got worried that my mum’s head was going to fall off the bigger her belly grew. Eventually, my mum realised that in the illustrations she showed me, the woman’s head slowly disappeared as the pictures focused less on the rest of her body and more on the growing belly and baby inside.

To my four-year-old self, sex = baby in belly = her head falling off!

I was 10 when I got my next lesson. In the same week, two boys asked me to be their girlfriend. Naturally, I said yes to both! A week later, while innocently exploring the back streets on my bike with both my boyfriends, I was confronted by a group of older girls who called me a slut for going out with two boys at once. I had no idea what they were talking about at the time, but I was embarrassed and ashamed. I stopped being their girlfriend.

In year eight at a Catholic girls’ school, my whole class sat quiet and excited. This is the day we were going to learn about S.E.X. My teacher brought with him a banana and a condom, which he rolled onto the fruit and held it out to us. ‘This is the penis’, he said. ‘It goes into the vagina. That’s sex.’ That was it, our sex lesson. The disappointment and confusion from that class followed me into my horny and curious teen years.

Trailer: Sex Education Season 2

Trailer for the second season of Netflix series Sex Education

The ‘education’ continued well into my young adulthood: unwanted attention from older men, unprotected sex because the guy said it didn’t matter and felt better, and at the end of it all, not knowing what to do or who to talk to about any of it. Shame, awkwardness, fear, confusion and disappointment followed a lot of my experiences for the next 20-plus years. And I didn’t talk about them to anyone.

There have also been some incredibly wonderful intimate, vulnerable, fun and deep connections over those years. Those memories I cherish and secretly wish the proportion of those outweighed the negative ones. But I wonder - if there had been more open conversations about sex and relationships growing up, would those experiences have been as confusing, awkward and shame-filled as they were?

In 2020, I’m a mum, and when I talk to my 17-year-old daughter about her sex education, she’s very quick to exclaim her discontent and tells me ‘We have only ever been taught that sex is for reproduction, not that sex is for pleasure.’ It seems that a lot hasn’t changed in the last 30 years.

Bec with her 17-year-old daughter.Source:Whimn

When I co-founded Jonny, a condom brand that champions intimate equality, we spoke to many men and women about their sex ed. Across generations, we constantly hear the same stories about awkward teachers, embarrassing condom experiences, and a lack of education across the board. And the banana - there’s always a banana. We’ve banned the banana at Jonny.

So, what makes good sex education?

Conversation. Natural, uninhibited, casual, respectful conversation. It’s that simple. When you start the conversation it’s remarkable at how easy it becomes. Sex can be an awesome experience for everyone when mutual respect is at the core.

Sex education shouldn’t be left to our academic educators, or Google, or the random porn site a young person lands on when they innocently type “nude juice” instead of “Nudie juice” …yes that actually happened. As parents, as friends, aunties and uncles, team mates and colleagues, we are all responsible for being open and available to casual, informed, and respectful conversations. Talking helps us to create more wonderful experiences for all.

We need to share our awkward moments, our confusing moments, our not so good moments. We need to share experiences and insights so we help others, and ourselves become aware of what the “right moment” feels like vs the “wrong moment”. We need to know it’s ok to say no, and to not feel ashamed of our choices or who we have sex with.

We need to talk to each other, so we don’t feel alone, judged or shamed. Through conversation we can normalise all things to do with sex, sexuality and intimacy.

After all, we all exist because of S.E.X. …not condom covered bananas.

Bec is one third of the women leadership at Jonny, a sustainable and vegan condom brand whose sole purpose is to make safe sex, sexy. She is a speaker and judge at Melbourne’s first SexTech Hackathon hosted by Bryony Cole of the Future of Sex podcast at Creative Cubes in South Melbourne from 14 to 16 February. The Hackathons are an initiative to make space for diverse voices and ideas and to change cultural conversations around sex.