Comments for Get Your Life Straighthttps://getyourlifestraight.com
Save money. Get healthy. Make better decisions.Sun, 09 Dec 2018 23:08:05 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.9Comment on When Your Spouse Doesn’t Support Your Success or Career by Angelahttps://getyourlifestraight.com/when-your-spouse-does-not-support-you/#comment-254054
Sun, 09 Dec 2018 23:08:05 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-254054I’ve also discovered this page by googling. I emphatize with all of you, because I find that these conflicts are unfortunately so common, like mine and my husband’s too.

I found myself in quite a similar situation. My husband comes from Germany and I from Croatia. We met a 7 years ago and had a long distance relationship for several years, suffered being apart and used every chance to visit each other as soon as we could, before we finally decided to marry and always be together.

I had worked as a university teacher for 10 years in Croatia. I was in the middle of my PhD and it was a tough decision to leave everything and everyone behind and move to Germany. I decided to put love on the first place, and I still don’t regret it. I also hoped that with patience and my education it will be possible at some point to find a job and continue to work. My husband supported me too, ensuring me of the flexibility and broad fields in which my qualifications would be accepted in Germany.

Now it’s been almost 3 years. I have become a housewife (I admire stay-at-home-moms and housewives by choice, but I love working) without almost nothing of a social life, let alone career. I ocassionally slide into and climb out of depression after 3 years of numerous declined job applications for not only teaching jobs (my field is art, design and art history), but even half paid practice, trainee, freelance jobs, and even jobs as a security in museums.
What I hadn’t expect was a completely overcrowded job market, especially for designers and artists, art historians, etc. This year I completed my PhD in art, now I’m joking about it as if going to use it as a toilet paper. I even came up with an idea of hand painted clothes and an online shop, but after 6 months of intense work, advertising, etc., it still has had only 3 sold items.

My husband’s attitude has changed since I’ve been unemployed. I think this often happens in many marriages. He started to treat me as a 1950’s housewife. Here couples usually share household chores and my husband used to help me, but with the time he has thrown all work on me, as I am “the one who is not working”. I demanded that we share the chores like 70%-30%, but I usually give in and do 90% housework, trying to be fair.

Quarells happen often now. In each of them, I’m told to “go back to my homecountry if I’m not satisfied” or “to go working as a cleaning lady if I’m so dissapointed in lack of a job”, even to go to a psychiatrist! Today I was told that, if he hadn’t fallen in love with me, he would certainly have chosen to be single, so that he would have more possibilities as a programmer, for example to move to a bigger appartment, more towards center the city, to be able to afford a car, etc., what he can’t do now when we both financially depend on him. These words hurt me and he comes with apologies every time after, and every time I tell him that it’s not nice. I know that his words are filled with a false feeling of power because I’m currently not working, but I’m telling him that with such comments once it may be too much and I won’t regret going away.

I’m lonely. I am telling myself that everything happens for a reason, there are ups and downs in our lifetime, I’m figuring out what I could do to acquire German degree in what I already have, in order to finally get a job. Now I’m 38 years old. Very flattering age for going back in school, after so many years spent in learning, but this will return me independence I had had before.(Of course, when I try to tell my husband how helpless and hopeless I sometimes feel, he has no patience or will to listen).

Yes, that’s how it is. I would like to tell you all, pursue your dreams and your careers, it can always be balanced with household, motherhood and marriage, only none of us should accept when spouses give only themselves freedom of working, dreaming, meeting friends, etc., while the other half is expected to do 99%, and still they frown upon a woman’s striving to return to work or similar.

I’m glad that I could read your stories and share mine too.

]]>Comment on When Your Spouse Doesn’t Support Your Success or Career by SRhttps://getyourlifestraight.com/when-your-spouse-does-not-support-you/#comment-253958
Sat, 17 Nov 2018 05:05:08 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253958I’m grateful to all the commenters sharing similar stories. It helps to know it’s not just me. I deeply love my husband and we have a great relationship.

Except he seems to really be bothered if my job ever inconveniences him. I’m successful in my field, and earning quite a bit for someone of my age (only a few yrs out of college). He makes a lot more money (about 3x my salary) in a technical field, and I think he feels that should absolve him from any responsibilities that I usually handle – household stuff. We don’t have kids, just pets.

The nature of my job involves work travel about every other month, for a couple nights, and inevitably by the last night he is cursing and saying he wants to leave and can’t handle it anymore. I think this is super dramatic and unreasonable when it’s just a few nights once in a while.

It’s really hard on our relationship because I feel like he would rather I become some weird housewife who is a superwife & superfit & doesn’t have my own career to ever inconvenience him. But that sounds facetious and not fulfilling for a lifetime and I’m not that person. It’s difficult to talk about because I love him and appreciate him, and how hard he works to support us so well, but also need him to feel that way about me.

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Sat, 10 Nov 2018 05:53:42 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253923I just googled key words and found this blog. Why? Because I just told my husband that I want to be a professional organizer (I’m really really good at it). Didn’t ask him for money or a special “flexibility “ on hours (I am a full time homemaker with no kids in the house). He shat all over it. He has done that with any dream I’ve had that might give me an ounce of financial independence. Don’t they call this economic abuse, to not “allow” your spouse to develop talents and profit from them? Next google search is for a divorce lawyer. You bet. Don’t have the kids at home anymore to make me put my dreams on the back of the drawer. I’m getting organized, so I need to unload an 80kg, 1.70 mt 56 year old with control issues and a loud, loud snoring problem. Any takers? Shipping and handling is on me.
]]>Comment on I Have Achalasia and Food Gets Stuck in My Throat by tjhttps://getyourlifestraight.com/what-is-achalasia/#comment-253910
Sun, 04 Nov 2018 13:40:32 +0000https://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1562#comment-253910how did you end up getting achalasia confirmed?
]]>Comment on When Your Spouse Doesn’t Support Your Success or Career by Shannonhttps://getyourlifestraight.com/when-your-spouse-does-not-support-you/#comment-253728
Wed, 12 Sep 2018 13:44:37 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253728Story of my life! I’ve had so many different dreams and passions that I wanted to pursue. But I always feel shutdown. You’re not alone!
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Wed, 12 Sep 2018 13:41:58 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253727I just want to say thank you for sharing this. My fiancé and I have such different views when it comes to all things in inter webs land that it makes it hard for me to pursue any of my hobbies/passions without him being mad that I’m spending time on it. Our situation is different from yours because he is the one with the business. But I’ve always wanted to start my own. He & a friend came up with a money making idea last year and sat down with me and the friend’s wife to pitch it to us. We agreed it sounded like a great idea and that we’d go for it. He considers it a family business but it’s not at all something I have a passion for or interest in. I didn’t expect to have to work for him. I’m forced to play a big part in the workings of this business, plus take care of the household and kids and I have to put my own passions aside. Reading your post and the comments has helped me to gain a little bit of insight. I started my blog a couple years ago and just recently decided to get back to it. Maybe if I just start working at it slowly as a side thing I’ll eventually get to a point where he can see that my blog will be helpful in supporting the family someday.
]]>Comment on When Your Spouse Doesn’t Support Your Success or Career by Ruthhttps://getyourlifestraight.com/when-your-spouse-does-not-support-you/#comment-253701
Fri, 07 Sep 2018 07:06:10 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253701We all need an outlet at times. Balancing work, being a wife, and mother is tough as hell.
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Fri, 07 Sep 2018 07:00:40 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253700My husband just told me tonight that he will not finance my career choice. He’s in an excellent position to get me started but doesn’t believe there is any “real money” in owning a nail salon. I’m a nail technician and I love it, I’m a creative soul and it’s my passion.. But he just doesn’t support me, he doesn’t appreciate my artistry.I don’t know how to make him understand what potential my plans have
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Fri, 07 Sep 2018 06:51:03 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253699Yola! My queen, I just burst into tears when I read your last sentence. For ourselves and our daughters, yesss. I will rise, he may not want me to but he won’t stop me. My daughter will be a strong woman because of me. I cannot have it any other way.
]]>Comment on When Your Spouse Doesn’t Support Your Success or Career by Michelle Lasleyhttps://getyourlifestraight.com/when-your-spouse-does-not-support-you/#comment-253644
Sun, 26 Aug 2018 22:22:29 +0000http://getyourlifestraight.com/?p=1512#comment-253644Oh my heart! Though I can’t claim similar success, everything else could be my story. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for validating I am not the only one. I certainly don’t want to give up on my dreams of a sustainable world, and sometimes these “chats” make me feel like I ought to. <3
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