Warning on a bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

That warning is the first place winner of the 2004 Wacky Warning Label Contest. The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a group whose goal is to show that the fear of frivolous lawsuits has led to a loss of corporate common sense, sponsors the annual contest for the wackiest warning labels.

"Wacky warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," Robert B. Dorigo Jones, president of the nonprofit Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch group, said in the news release announcing the contest winners. "It used to be that if someone spilled coffee in their lap, they simply called themselves clumsy. Today, too many people are calling themselves an attorney."

Second place: On a snow sled: "Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

Third place: On a 12-inch-high storage rack for compact discs: "Do not use as a ladder."