Marriage Articles

Comparing the Lifestyles of Homosexual Couples to Married Couples

Many times,
homosexual relationships are touted as being no different than
ordinary married couples. But research shows that in several
key respects, the homosexual lifestyle differs radically from
other types of
relationships.

"Married and Gay Couples Not All that Different," proclaimed the
headline of a news article portraying homosexual households as remarkably
similar to married couples. "We're the couple next door," claimed one
partnered homosexual. "We have a dog and a cat. I drive a Volvo. I'm
boring."[1] Such
down-home portrayals of homosexual couples are meant to provoke the
question: Since gay couples really differ only in that both partners are
of the same sex, what rational basis exists for denying them full marriage
rights?

Are homosexual households, as the article suggests, simply another
variant of human relationships that should be considered, along with
marriage, as "part of mainstream American society"?

On the contrary, the evidence indicates that "committed" homosexual
relationships are radically different from married couples in several key
respects:

·relationship duration

·monogamy vs. promiscuity

·relationship commitment

·number of children being
raised

·health risks

·rates of intimate partner
violence

Finally, this paper will present evidence from gay activists themselves
indicating that behind the push for gay marriage lies a political agenda
to radically change the institution of marriage itself.

RELATIONSHIP DURATION

Gay activists often point to high divorce rates and claim that married
couples fare little better than homosexuals with regard to the duration of
their relationships. The research, however, indicates that male homosexual
relationships last only a fraction of the length of most marriages.

Married Couples

·A 2001
National Center for Health Statistics study on marriage and divorce
statistics reported that 66 percent of first marriages last ten years or
longer, with fifty percent lasting twenty years or longer.[2]

Source: National Center for Health Statistics, Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention (2001)

·A 2002
U.S. Census Bureau study reported similar results, with 70.7 percent of
women married between 1970 and 1974 reaching their tenth anniversary and
57.7 percent staying married for twenty years or longer.[3]

Source: Current Population Reports: U.S. Census Bureau
(2002)

Male Homosexual Relationships

The 2003-2004 Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census surveyed the
lifestyles of 7,862 homosexuals. Of those involved in a "current
relationship," only 15 percent describe their current relationship as
having lasted twelve years or longer, with five percent lasting more than
twenty years.[4] While
this "snapshot in time" is not an absolute predictor of the length of
homosexual relationships, it does indicate that few homosexual
relationships achieve the longevity common in marriages.

Source: 2003-2004 Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census

·In
The Sexual Organization of the City, University of Chicago
sociologist Edward Laumann argues that "typical gay city inhabitants spend
most of their adult lives in 'transactional' relationships, or short-term
commitments of less than six months."[5]

·A study
of homosexual men in the Netherlands published in the journal AIDS
found that the "duration of steady partnerships" was 1.5 years.[6]

·In his
study of male homosexuality in Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept
in Past and Present Times, Pollak found that "few homosexual
relationships last longer than two years, with many men reporting hundreds
of lifetime partners."[7]

·In
Male and Female Homosexuality, Saghir and Robins found that the
average male homosexual live-in relationship lasts between two and three
years.[8]

MONOGAMY VS. PROMISCUITY: SEXUAL
PARTNERS OUTSIDE OF THE RELATIONSHIP

Lest anyone suffer the illusion that any equivalency between the sexual
practices of homosexual relationships and traditional marriage exists, the
statistics regarding sexual fidelity within marriage are revealing:

Married couples

·A
nationally representative survey of 884 men and 1,288 women published in
the Journal of Sex Research found that 77 percent of married men
and 88 percent of married women had remained faithful to their marriage
vows.[9]

·A 1997
national survey appearing in The Social Organization of Sexuality:
Sexual Practices in the United States found that 75 percent of
husbands and 85 percent of wives never had sexual relations outside of
marriage.[10]

·A
telephone survey conducted for Parade magazine of 1,049 adults
selected to represent the demographic characteristics of the United States
found that 81 percent of married men and 85 percent of married women
reported that they had never violated their marriage vows.[11]

Male Homosexuals

Research indicates that the average male homosexual has hundreds of sex
partners in his lifetime:

·The
Dutch study of partnered homosexuals, which was published in the journal
AIDS, found that men with a steady partner had an average of eight
sexual partners per year.[12]

·Bell
and Weinberg, in their classic study of male and female homosexuality,
found that 43 percent of white male homosexuals had sex with 500 or more
partners, with 28 percent having one thousand or more sex partners.[13]

·In
their study of the sexual profiles of 2,583 older homosexuals published in
the Journal of Sex Research, Paul Van de Ven et al. found that "the
modal range for number of sexual partners ever [of homosexuals] was
101-500." In addition, 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent had between 501 and
1,000 partners. A further 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent reported having had
more than one thousand lifetime sexual partners.[14]

·A
survey conducted by the homosexual magazine Genre found that 24
percent of the respondents said they had had more than one hundred sexual
partners in their lifetime. The magazine noted that several respondents
suggested including a category of those who had more than one thousand
sexual partners.[15]

"Commitment" in Male Homosexual Couples

Even in those homosexual relationships in which the partners consider
themselves to be in a committed relationship, the meaning of "committed"
or "monogamous" typically means something radically different than in
heterosexual marriage.

·A
Canadian study of homosexual men who had been in committed relationships
lasting longer than one year found that only 25 percent of those
interviewed reported being monogamous." According to study author Barry
Adam, "Gay culture allows men to explore different...forms of
relationships besides the monogamy coveted by heterosexuals."[16]

·The
Handbook of Family Diversity reported a study in which "many
self-described 'monogamous' couples reported an average of three to five
partners in the past year. Blasband and Peplau (1985) observed a similar
pattern."[17]

·In
The Male Couple, authors David P. McWhirter and Andrew M. Mattison
reported that, in a study of 156 males in homosexual relationships lasting
from one to thirty-seven years:

Only seven couples have a totally exclusive sexual
relationship, and these men all have been together for less than five
years. Stated another way, all couples with a relationship lasting more
than five years have incorporated some provision for outside sexual
activity in their relationships.[18]

As the following chart shows, the extremely low rate of sexual fidelity
among homosexual men dramatically contrasts with the high rate of fidelity
among married heterosexuals.

According to McWhirter and Mattison, most homosexual men understood
sexual relations outside the relationship to be the norm and viewed
adopting monogamous standards as an act of oppression.

In their Journal of Sex Research study of the sexual practices
of older homosexual men, Paul Van de Ven et al. found that only 2.7
percent of older homosexuals had only one sexual partner in their
lifetime.[19]

Brad Hayton provides insight into the attitudes of many homosexuals
towards commitment and marriage:

Homosexuals...are taught by example and belief that
marital relationships are transitory and mostly sexual in nature. Sexual
relationships are primarily for pleasure rather than procreation. And they
are taught that monogamy in a marriage is not the norm [and] should be
discouraged if one wants a good "marital" relationship.[20]

While the rate of fidelity within marriage cited by these studies
remains far from ideal, there is a significant difference between the
negligible lifetime fidelity rate cited for homosexuals and the 75 to 90
percent cited for married couples. This indicates that even "committed"
homosexual relationships display a fundamental incapacity for the
faithfulness and commitment that is axiomatic to the institution of
marriage.

LEVEL OF COMMITMENT IN HOMOSEXUAL
RELATIONSHIPS

If homosexuals and lesbians truly desired the same kind of commitment
signified by marriage, then one would expect them to take advantage of the
opportunity to enter into civil unions or registered partnerships, which
grant them legal recognition as well as the legal rights of marriage.
However, surprisingly few homosexuals and lesbians choose to enter into
such legally recognized unions where such arrangements are available,
indicating that such couples do not share the same view of commitment as
typified by married couples.

Vermont

In April 2000, the governor of the state of Vermont signed a law
instituting civil unions for homosexuals. The bill conferred 300
privileges and rights enjoyed by married couples upon same-sex partners
who register their relationship with the town clerk and have their union
solemnized by a member of the clergy or the justice of the peace.

Estimating the homosexual and lesbian population of Vermont: The
number of homosexuals and lesbians in the state of Vermont may be
estimated based on national studies. Contrary to the widely promulgated
but inaccurate claims that up to ten percent of the population is
homosexual, research indicates that homosexuals comprise one to three
percent of the population. For example, a recent study in
Demography relying upon three large data sets--the General Social
Survey, the National Health and Social Life Survey, and the U.S.
Census--estimated the number of exclusive male homosexuals in the general
population to be 2.5 percent and the number of exclusive lesbians to be
1.4 percent.[21]

According to the 2000 Census, the adult population of Vermont is
461,304.[22]
Based on the Demography study, a reasonable estimate of the number
of homosexuals and lesbians in Vermont would be approximately 5,600 (2.5
percent of the adult male population) for male homosexuals, and
approximately 3,300 (1.4 percent of the adult female population) for
lesbians, for a total of approximately 8,900 homosexuals and lesbians.
[Note: these are only rough approximations for purposes of statistical
comparison.]

Number of homosexuals and lesbians in Vermont who have entered into
civil unions: USA Today reports that, as of January 2004, only
936 homosexual or lesbian couples (for a total of 1,872 individuals) have
entered into civil unions.[23]
This indicates that only about 21 percent of the estimated homosexual and
lesbian population of Vermont has entered into civil unions. Put
another way, 79 percent of homosexuals and lesbians in Vermont choose not
to enter into civil unions.

By contrast, in Vermont, heterosexual married couples outnumber
cohabiting couples by a margin of 7 to 1, indicating a much higher level
of desire on the part of heterosexual couples to legalize their
relationships.[24]

For purposes of comparison it may be useful to examine two countries
that have granted special rights to homosexuals, including marriage-like
civil unions, which grant gays and lesbians virtually all of the rights of
marriage.

Sweden

In 1995 Sweden passed the Registered Partnership Act which created
civil unions for homosexual couples. In 2003 that law was amended to give
registered homosexual couples the same right to adopt or have legal
custody of children as married couples. The percentage of homosexual or
lesbians in Sweden that enter into civil unions may be estimated as
follows:

Estimated homosexual and lesbian population of Sweden:
Extrapolating from the Demography estimates in the U.S., a
similar percentage of the homosexual and lesbian population of Sweden
would be approximately 140,000 (2.5 percent of the adult male population
of 3,531,554, and 1.4 percent of the adult female population of
3,679,317).[25]

Number of homosexuals and lesbians in Sweden who have registered
their unions: The number of registered same-sex unions in Sweden is
reported to be about 1,500 (for a total of 3,000 individuals) out of the
estimated homosexual and lesbian population of 140,000.[26]
This indicates that only about two percent of Swedish homosexuals and
lesbians choose to enter into legally recognized unions. Put another way,
about 98 percent of Swedish homosexuals and lesbians do not officially
register as same-sex couples.

The Netherlands

A landmark law allowing same-sex "marriage" was instituted in the
Netherlands on March 31, 2001, with a highly publicized communal ceremony
that included two lesbian "brides" and six homosexual "grooms." The
Netherlands instituted a "registered partnership" law in 1998 that
accorded legal status to homosexual relationships similar to that of
marriage. The new law, which explicitly recognizes same-sex matrimony, is
restricted to Dutch nationals. However, as the following analysis shows,
the percentage of homosexuals and lesbians that have entered into
marriage-like civil unions is very low.

Estimated homosexual and lesbian population of the Netherlands:
Extrapolating from demographic figures for homosexuals and lesbians in
the U.S., a similar percentage for the Netherlands would be 242,000 (2.5
percent of the adult male population of 6,161,662, and 1.4 percent of the
adult female population of 6,311,338).[27]

Number of Dutch homosexuals and lesbians who have registered their
unions: A news report by the Gay Financial Network predicted that
"some 10,000 gay couples could be married" in the first year following the
legalization of gay "marriage" in the Netherlands. In reality, far fewer
chose to solemnize their relationships. The Office of Legislative Research
released a report in October 2002 stating: "The Dutch Ministry of Economic
Affairs reports that 3,383 of the 121,776 marriages licensed between April
1, 2001, and June 30, 2002, involved people of the same sex."[28]

Thus, as of October 2002, only 2.8 percent, or 6,766 individuals (3,383
licenses) out of an estimated homosexual and lesbian population of
242,000, have registered their unions as "married."

The much lower rates of homosexual and lesbian civil "marriages" in
Sweden and the Netherlands must be viewed in the light of much lower
marriage rates in both of those countries, a trend that the introduction
of gay "marriage" in the 1990s has not reversed. Thus, as writer Stanley
Kurtz argues, the granting of marriage rights to homosexuals and lesbians
"has further undermined the institution" of marriage: "Scandinavian
gay marriage has driven home the message that marriage itself is outdated,
and that virtually any family form, including out-of-wedlock parenthood,
is acceptable."[29]

Conclusion: Level of Relationship Commitment Among
Homosexuals

Data from Vermont, Sweden, and the Netherlands reveal that only a small
percentage of homosexuals and lesbians identify themselves as being in a
committed relationship, with even fewer taking advantage of civil unions
or, in the case of the Netherlands, of same-sex "marriage." This indicates
that even in the most "gay friendly" localities, the vast majority of
homosexuals and lesbians display little inclination for the kind of
lifelong, committed relationships that they purport to desire to
enter.

NUMBER OF CHILDREN BEING RAISED IN
HOMOSEXUAL HOUSEHOLDS

Inflated Statistics for Homosexual Households in the United
States

Claims regarding the numbers of children being raised in homosexual and
lesbian households vary widely and are often unsubstantiated. According to
a study on homosexual parenting in the American Sociological Review,
researchers have given figures "of uncertain origin, depicting a range
of...6 to 14 million children of gay or lesbian parents in the United
States."[30]

According to the study's authors, Judith Stacey and Timothy J. Biblarz,
the higher estimates are based upon "classifying as a lesbigay [sic]
parent anyone who reports that even the idea of homoerotic sex is
appealing."[31]
Instead, the authors favor a figure of about one million, which "derives
from the narrower...definition of a lesbigay parent as one who
self-identifies as such."[32]

However, even the lower figure of one million children being raised in
gay and lesbian households does not stand up to statistical analysis.

The U.S. Census Bureau reports that there are 594,391 same-sex
unmarried partner households in the United States (301,026 male homosexual
households and 293,365 lesbian households).[33]
This indicates that only one percent of the total of 59,969,000 households
contain same-sex partners. Assuming the Stacey/Biblarz estimate that one
million children have a homosexual or lesbian parent, this would mean
that, on average, every homosexual household has at least one
child.[34]

However, the 2000 Census figures show that only 33 percent (or 96,810)
of female same-sex households and 22 percent (or 66,225) of male same-sex
households have their own children living with them.[35]
These 163,035 same-sex couples (or 326,070 individuals) comprise only 8
percent of the estimated homosexual and lesbian population. Put another
way, 92 percent of the estimated adult population of homosexuals and
lesbians in the U.S. do not live with children. By comparison, the 2000
Census showed that 46 percent of married couple households have at least
one child living in the household.[36]
However, this figure underestimates the total number of married couples
who have had children, as many older couples have grown children who are
no longer living at home.

*Sources:Black, "Demographics," 141; Census 2000
Special Reports, 4.

The Stacey/Biblarz estimates may include children being raised by
single homosexuals, some of whom are raising their own biological children
conceived in a previous heterosexual relationship. Nevertheless, these
calculations indicate how absurdly inflated most of the estimates are
concerning the number of children being raised by homosexuals. Far from
being the proven success that some claim, homosexual parenting remains
very much the exception rather than the rule.

Implications for Homosexual Parenting

Gay activists attempt to minimize the differences between homosexual
and heterosexual households in order to make homosexuality look as normal
as possible. However, as already shown, only a small minority of gay and
lesbian households have children. Beyond that, the evidence also indicates
that comparatively few homosexuals choose to establish households
together--the type of setting that is normally prerequisite for the
rearing of children.

The Human Rights Campaign, a homosexual advocacy organization, claims
that the U.S. population of gays and lesbians is 10,456,405, or five
percent of the total U.S. population over 18 years of age.[37]
However, as we have seen, the best available data supports a lower
estimate of 2.5 percent for male homosexuals and 1.4 percent for
lesbians.[38]
This would lead to a figure of approximately 4,040,000 homosexual men and
women in the U.S. population. Thus, only about 30 percent of
homosexuals (1,202,418 out of some 4 million) choose to live in a
household with a person of the same sex.

The above indicates that only a small minority of gays and lesbians
choose to live in partnered relationships, and furthermore, only a small
percentage of partnered homosexual households actually have children. The
evidence thus does not support the claim that significant numbers of
homosexuals desire to provide a stable home for children.

HEALTH RISKS

Even those homosexual relationships that are loosely termed
"monogamous" do not necessarily result in healthier behavior. The evidence
indicates that homosexual and lesbian relationships are at far greater
risk for contracting life-threatening disease compared with married
couples:

·The
journal AIDS reported that men involved in relationships engaged in
anal intercourse and oral-anal intercourse with greater frequency than did
those without a steady partner.[39]
Anal intercourse has been linked with a host of sexually transmitted
diseases, including AIDS.

·The
exclusivity of the relationship did not diminish the incidence of
unhealthy sexual acts, which are commonplace among homosexuals. An English
study published in the same issue of AIDS concurred, finding that
most "unsafe" sex acts among homosexuals occur in steady relationships.[40]

·A study
of steady and casual male homosexual relationships in Amsterdam found that
"steady partners contribute to (HIV) incidence more than casual partners.
This can mainly be explained by the fact that risky behavior with steady
partners is much greater than that with casual partners (30 versus 1.5 UAI
[unprotected anal intercourse] acts annually)."[41]

·These
findings confirmed an earlier study by the Dutch Department of Health and
Environment, which found that 67 percent of HIV-positive men aged 30 and
younger had been infected by a steady partner. The study concluded: "In
recent years, young gay men have become more likely to contract HIV from a
steady sexual partner than from a casual one."[42]

"Exclusive" Lesbian Relationships Also at Risk

The assumption that lesbians involved in exclusive sexual relationships
are at reduced risk for sexual disease is false:

·The
journal Sexually Transmitted Infections concludes: "The risk
behavior profile of exclusive WSW (women who have sex with women) was
similar to all wsw."[43] One
reason for this is because lesbians "were significantly more likely to
report past sexual contact with a homosexual or bisexual man and sexual
contact with an IDU (intravenous drug user)."[44]

·A twins
study that examined the relationship between homosexuality and suicide,
published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, found that
homosexuals with same-sex partners were at greater risk for overall mental
health problems and were 6.5 times more likely than their twins to have
attempted suicide. The higher rate was not attributable to mental health
or substance abuse disorders.[45]

INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE Lesbian and
Homosexual Relationships

Research indicates very high levels of violence in homosexual and
lesbian relationships:

·A study
in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence examined conflict and
violence in lesbian relationships. The researchers found that 90 percent
of the lesbians surveyed had been recipients of one or more acts of verbal
aggression from their intimate partners during the year prior to this
study, with 31 percent reporting one or more incidents of physical
abuse.[46]

·In a
survey of 1,099 lesbians, the Journal of Social Service Research
found that slightly more than half of the lesbians reported that they
had been abused by a female lover/partner. The researchers found that "the
most frequently indicated forms of abuse were
verbal/emotional/psychological abuse and combined physical-psychological
abuse."[47]

·A study
of lesbian couples reported in the Handbook of Family Development and
Intervention "indicates that 54 percent had experienced 10 or more
abusive incidents, 74 percent had experienced six or more incidents, 60
percent reported a pattern to the abuse, and 71 percent said it grew worse
over time."[48]

·In
their book Men Who Beat the Men Who Love Them: Battered Gay Men and
Domestic Violence, Island and Letellier postulate that "the incidence
of domestic violence among gay men is nearly double that in the
heterosexual population."[49]

Gay and lesbian vs. other opposite-sex intimate partner
relationships

Surveys conducted by the U.S. Department of Justice confirm that
homosexual and lesbian relationships had a far greater incidence of
domestic partner violence than opposite-sex relationships including
cohabitation or marriage.

·The
National Violence against Women Survey, sponsored by the National
Institute of Justice, found that "same-sex cohabitants reported
significantly more intimate partner violence than did opposite-sex
cohabitants. Thirty-nine percent of the same-sex cohabitants reported
being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by a
marital/cohabitating partner at some time in their lifetimes, compared to
21.7 percent of the opposite-sex cohabitants. Among men, the comparable
figures are 23.1 percent and 7.4 percent."[50]

·A
Bureau of Justice Statistics (an agency of the U.S. Department of Justice)
report found that married women in traditional families experience the
lowest rate of violence compared with women in other types of
relationships.[51]
Women who were not married to their "intimate partner" (i.e., were
cohabiting), experienced a rate of violence four times higher than that of
married women (11.3 per thousand vs. 2.6 per thousand). [52]

By their own admission, gay activists are not simply interested in
making it possible for homosexuals and lesbians to partake of conventional
married life. Rather, they aim to change the essential character of
marriage, removing precisely the aspects of fidelity and chastity that
promote stability in the relationship and the home:

·Paula
Ettelbrick, the former legal director of the Lambda Legal Defense and
Education Fund, has stated, "Being queer is more than setting up house,
sleeping with a person of the same gender, and seeking state approval for
doing so....Being queer means pushing the parameters of sex, sexuality,
and family, and in the process transforming the very fabric of society."[53]

For these men the term "monogamy" simply doesn't
necessarily mean sexual exclusivity....The term "open relationship" has
for a great many gay men come to have one specific definition: A
relationship in which the partners have sex on the outside often, put away
their resentment and jealousy, and discuss their outside sex with each
other, or share sex partners.[54]

·The
views of Signorile and Ettelbrick regarding marriage are widespread in the
homosexual community. According to the Mendola Report, a mere 26
percent of homosexuals believe that commitment is most important in a
marriage relationship.[55]

Former homosexual William Aaron explains why even homosexuals involved
in "committed" relationships do not practice monogamy:

In the gay life, fidelity is almost impossible.
Since part of the compulsion of homosexuality seems to be a need on the
part of the homophile to "absorb" masculinity from his sexual partners, he
must be constantly on the lookout for [new partners]. Consequently the
most successful homophile "marriages" are those where there is an
arrangement between the two to have affairs on the side while maintaining
the semblance of permanence in their living arrangement.[56]

The evidence is overwhelming that homosexual and lesbian "committed"
relationships are not the equivalent of marriage. In addition, there is
little evidence that homosexuals and lesbians truly desire to commit
themselves to the kind of monogamous relationships as signified by
marriage. What remains, then, is the disturbing possibility that behind
the demands for "gay marriage" lurks an agenda of undermining the very
nature of the institution of marriage.

Timothy J. Dailey, Ph.D., is senior fellow in the Center for
Marriage and Family Studies at the Family Research Council. Dr. Dailey and
Peter Sprigg recently co-authored Getting It Straight: What the
Research Says About Homosexuality.

END NOTES

1. Robert
Gebeloff and Mary Jo Patterson, "Married and Gay Couples Are Not All that
Different" Times-Picayune (November 22, 2003).

38. Dan Black et
al., "Demographics of the Gay and Lesbian Population," "4.7 percent of men
in the combined samples have had at least one same-sex experience since
age 18, but only 2.5 percent of men have engaged in exclusively same-sex
sex over the year preceding the survey. Similarly, 3.5 percent of women
have had at least one same-sex sexual experience, but only 1.4 percent
have had exclusively same-sex sex over the year preceding the survey."
(141)