The Sinster Six: Bizarre Pokemon Merchandise

Let's face it; fans get a little fanatical sometimes. In the 90s, Pokemon was all the craze with the school kids. Even today, some of the craze still hasn't died down. Here are just a few of the bizarre Pokemon-themed things that have sprung up...

Pokemon Seaweed

Does your rice seem lifeless and dull? Spice it up with Pokemon shaped seaweed! Well, it might still be lifeless and dull after that, but at least it'll have a nice salty piece of seaweed to accompany it. I remember when I was a young lass and I wanted to have all sorts of Sailor Moon things. I suspect that kids are like that about Pokemon now, but I'm proud to admit that it never occurred to me to pine for some sort of cartoon themed seaweed. It seems like a whole lot of effort going into something you can devour in less than half a second.

Pokemon Gum

Just as baseball players have Big League Chew, Pokemon fans have Pokemon gum. I can't help but feel a little disappointed by these pathetic pieces of gum. They're nothing but flat sheets of generic gum with Pokemon pictures stamped on them. Hell, the outside wrapper is more interesting than the gum. I'd be more excited if it was a gumball shaped like a Pokeball that you could break open to reveal some sort of flavored Pokemon inside, but I guess that would be too complicated to manufacture.

Pokemon Lighter

Something about this Pokemon lighter just seems wrong to me. For one, Pokemon's target audience is under the age of 18, which also means they're under the legal smoking age in the states. "But wait," you say, "Lighters aren't just for lighting cigarettes." This is true, but I still wouldn't want to give a five year old a lighter. I can just picture some kid thinking he's Charizard and experimenting with this lighter and a can of Aquanet he borrowed from his sister. Rental insurance, anyone?

Pokemon Cigarette Case

A chrome cigarette case says something about its owner. The sleek and shiny metal hints at the owner's sophistication. Putting a Pokemon theme on the case somehow takes that sophistication down a notch.

If you already have a Pokemon lighter, you might as well get a matching cigarette case with it too. The Ebay auction also calls it a "card case" so I assume one could fit Pokemon trading cards in them, but they don't seem to be the right size. It would be helpful if the auction had a picture of one of the trading cards fitting inside the case, but I guess they're too busy taking pictures of cigarettes in the case.

Pokemon Cupcake

I'm a fan of cupcakes and I've played a few Pokemon games in my time, but this Pikachu cupcake scares the crap out of me and I'm an adult! Just think of what would happen if you tried making this for your little brother. Pikachu's bulging eyes make him look like he's ogling something he shouldn't be -- maybe Misty accidentally showed too much leg. And besides, if you *love* Pikachu, why would you want to eat him, even if it is in cupcake form? I've always wondered this about kids foodstuffs. "Hey kids, Generic Mascot is your favorite, right? Now there's more ways to eat him than ever before! Cupcakes, cereal, fruit-roll-ups, and NOW.... cookies!"

Pokemon Car

I think Pikachu is cute and all, but I wouldn't go around driving a Pikachu car. One good thing about this car is at least your friends won't want to ask you for rides. But then again, with this car you might not do to well in the date department either. The only person I can see getting away with driving this car and looking "cool" is someone who created it.

These were just a few of the strange things that came up when I was looking for Pokemon merchandise. Surprisingly, I couldn't find any Pokemon-themed adult underwear, which I wanted to use as the highlight of this list. What are the people who have Pokemon lighters going to wear under their clothes if not Squirtle boxers and Bulbasaur thongs?