Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Liz Cheney, offspring of Dick and Lynne, declared her candidacy yesterday for U.S. Senate. She will be challenging Sen. Mike Enzi, who once had the temerity to work with a Democrat, the late Ted Kennedy.

Wyoming, a state with two working escalators,
has two senators in Washington due to the infallibility of the Founding
Fathers. The official state dinosaur is the triceratops. In February of
2012, legislators in Cheyenne briefly considered building an aircraft carrier to prepare for a societal collapse.

Wyoming may have only one escalator. But since when does the escalator count determine a state's status? Wyoming long ago got rid of its escalators in favor of stairs in order to give its citizens better cardio workouts so that they would be in tip-top shape to bushwack through the wilderness to shoot wolves. And how many wolves does MoJo have? That's right -- none. That's exactly the number of official dinosaurs it has -- zero. Wyoming not only has an official state dinosaur, but it also has a state insect, a state fossil, a state grass, and a state code, The Code of the West, the best rootin' tootin' code you can have. The first precept of the code is "Dance with the one that brung ya." The second precept is "Don't take any wooden nickels." The thirds precept is "Never play cards with a guy named Doc." The fourth is "Take off that stupid cowboy hat when you're in my house, you moron. Didn't your mama teach you any manners?" And so on. This code is recited before every session of the legislature, which makes about as much sense as the legislature itself. How many official codes do you have, MoJo?

And how many aircraft carriers do you have? None? I thought so. We don't have one either. We would have, if it wasn't for those lily-livered Liberals that control the Wyoming State Legislature. Some of our knowledgable conservatives thought it would be prudent to prepare for the day when the United States went to hell in a handcart and we would have to fend for ourselves. The best solution they could think of was an aircraft carrier. I know, it may seem strange to have an aircraft carrier in a dry, landlocked state. But that's just what we wanted to enemy to think. Remember this precept of Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" -- "Anyone who excels in defeating his enemies triumphs before his enemy's threats become real." Our legislators were only planning for the day that Idaho or Montana gets an aircraft carrier or possibly an entire fleet. Colorado will never be a threat because its Liberal leaders are unilaterally disarming and soon all the available conscripts will be soundly stoned. But if we ever get that neighboring 51st state, the one that will be made up of a dozen rural Colorado counties and led by Tea Party types, that will be a state to look out for. That will be a state that may beat us to the punch, aircraft carrier-wise. That may be a state that will out-loony us.

One more word about escalators. The Atlantic Online carried a piece today about our state's escalator gap. It turns out there are two escalators in WYO, both in Casper. That number could be four if you count the up and down escalators as separate conveyances.

Nothing like a Fox Network wingnut/East Coast carpetbagger declaring a run for the Senate in the loneliest state in the union to focus the media's evil eye of Sauron on Wyoming.