Parents of young children tend to worry a lot about whether or not their kids are making adequate gains as they launch into their academic careers.

"Can Johnny read the list of 100 high-frequency words?"

"Does Betty know how to count to 500?"

"Is Tom doing quantum physics yet?"

While early education creates an important foundation for academic skills, many parents would be surprised to know that social skills are actually far more predictive of outcomes into adulthood than early academics.

For example, a study published in 2015 showed that even while controlling for family demographics and early academic ability, the social skills observed in kindergarten showed significant correlation with well-being at age 25.

That's a lot of staying power!

Regardless of how advanced of a reader they were or how much money their parents made, kindergarteners who demonstrated social competence were more likely to graduate from high school, go to college, get a job, and stay out of jail than those who showed a lower level of social competence.

So while many parents and schools may be feeling the pressure to cut back on play and social interaction in order to get more "hard skill" instruction time in, it's actually those "soft skills" that are most predictive of long-term success.

Here are five important social competencies you can foster in your child.

1. How to play well with others

Play is a powerful catalyst for development in the early years. By playing with others, children learn to negotiate, problem solve, take turns, share and experiment. You can help your child build these skills by making time for free play with other children.

While dance class, soccer practice and choreographed play dates may have their own value, children need plenty of time engaging in unstructured play with other children, where they may be supervised—but not instructed—by the adults around them.

2. How to problem-solve

It is tempting to swoop in at the first disgruntled squawk and make everything right again. We confiscate the object of the argument, set timers, or send children to play in different areas. We're good at problem-solving because we get SO MUCH practice as parents! And while some of this may be necessary for survival, our kids need some of that practice too.

So the next time your child has a problem, invite them to take part in that problem-solving process. Ask your child to describe what's going on, brainstorm solutions and try one out. You're still an active player, supporting your child through the process, but rather than doing all the solving yourself, let your child own the problem by asking, "What do you think you could do about that?"

Teaching a child to be a problem solver also means that we teach them how to fail and try again, which is another critical "soft skill." When we ask children how their solution is working out, we give them an opportunity to evaluate their experience and make improvements when necessary. We're teaching them that mistakes help us learn and move forward.

3. How to label and recognize feelings

Children who are perceptive to the emotions around them are also better able to get along well with others. You can foster this skill by calling attention to emotional cues and naming emotions. You can do this not only in your home ("I'm looking at your brother's face right now, and I don't think he's having fun." "You looked so happy when you won, your smile was like a laser beam!") but by also talking about the emotions in stories as well. ("How do you think he felt when that happened?")

Storybooks are FULL of conflict and emotion—it's often what drives the plot. These conversations about observed emotions are often easier because your child isn't tied up in the turbulent emotions themselves. From this comfortable vantage point, they're able to be more thoughtful about the emotions on the page and then apply their understanding in real life.

Another thing to keep in mind is that research has shown that excessive screen use may interfere with a child's ability to recognize emotions in others. So make sure that your kids get plenty of time playing and interacting face to face with other humans, rather than with pixels and lights on a screen.

4. How to be helpful

Being helpful to others requires children to look beyond themselves and recognize the needs of others. By noticing and complimenting your child when you notice helpful behaviors, you encourage them to continue.

Give your child simple opportunities to help within your family—putting away groceries, getting the baby's fresh diaper ready, or helping a sibling to get dressed—and then be generous with your gratitude afterward.

Point out the helpers around you and show gratitude together to instill a value of service. This may be as simple as thanking the bagger at the grocery store or taking cookies to the fire station. It can also take a fanciful twist. For my own superhero-obsessed boys, I found that equating heroes to helpers made them feel like Batman just by helping with simple tasks around our home.

5. How to control their impulses

Impulse control is a part of the executive functions directed by the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This area doesn't completely develop until well into early adulthood, but some of the most rapid development happens in the early childhood years. That's why children need opportunities to practice this growing skill.

That may look like the infamous marshmallow study, where a child must delay gratification and wait before consuming a treat, but it can also look like play time! Movement games that require a child to stop and go like Red Light/Green Light, Dance and Freeze, and Simon Says give kids practice quickly shifting gears and controlling their impulses to move.

Pretend play is also a great way to build these skills. By taking on a new character and an imaginative storyline, children have to plan before acting, take turns and make rules to follow. They also practice thinking outside of their own perspective and act as they think another would, rather than simply following their own impulses.

Our fast-paced society may give you the impression that your child needs to learn more academic skills—and sooner than ever before. However, the reality is that the "soft" social skills they gain in early childhood—through the slow, simple processes of playing and interacting, engaging with their families, and paying attention to the world around them—will serve them much better and for much longer.

Another week has come and gone—and while there's still a chill in the air and (quite possibly), January is finally coming to an end. How did your first month of the new decade go, Mama?

It's okay if 2020 hasn't been your year so far, because there are still 11 months left to go to make 2020 the #yearofthemother in your own life. If your New Year's resolution is already old news, set a new goal for yourself and catch up on some of the new stories taking over the internet.

Here's what went viral in the world of parenthood this week.

See all the viral pics of this Starbucks + Target-themed playroom

<div class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="8162dfbed61ccd4e6ea86ab7a9afdc35"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/renee.doby/posts/10215604427174882"></div></div><p>If you're in the process of decorating or revamping your<a href="https://www.mother.ly/child/5-principles-parents-can-use-to-create-a-montessori-inspired-playroom" target="_self"> kids' playroom </a>and need some inspiration, look no further.</p><p>Photos of the most amazing, creative playroom are going viral because this setup is just flat-out iconic. And the best part? It pays homage to some of our mama favorites! The playroom boasts mini Starbucks and Target locations (mind blown!) as well as some <a href="https://www.mother.ly/shop/12-minimalist-stylish-storage-solutions-for-kids" target="_self">goal-worthy toy organization</a>. Three-year-old Ariah is the lucky little lady who gets to enjoy this sweet setup, and it's all thanks to her mama, Renee Doby-Becht.</p><p>"There were so many comments and likes and all these positive comments," the mama told <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/family/story/year-olds-target-starbucks-playroom-wows-facebook-68423416?fbclid=IwAR0l-fehvNjp2luQAbBvBN4ELpMc2P3-8Irn_q2-CJGNsxSNfZ-NICs6m5o" target="_blank"><em>Good Morning Americ</em>a</a> of reactions to the playroom. "It was mainly moms that were commenting...they were just blown away." </p><p>And so are we!</p>

This mom's viral post about marriage is so raw and relatable

<div class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="ec53701d09800ceb7505586d69b7f03b"><div class="fb-post" data-href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10157821075362510&set=a.483174352509&type=3&theater"></div></div><p>As mothers, <a href="https://www.mother.ly/life/motherhood-is-lying-awake-worrying-about-your-kids" target="_self">we are constantly worrying</a>. Worrying about our children and their safety, their happiness and their health. Worrying about our homes. Worrying about our other family members and friends. And sometimes, we're also worrying about something we're afraid to admit: The way our mental and emotional load affects our partners and <a href="https://www.mother.ly/love/marriage-is-choosing-each-other-again-and-again-and-again" target="_self">how they view us.</a></p><p>One mother put this feeling into perfect words. </p><p>"I cried last night as I asked my husband if he was tired of me. Because I'm tired of me some days. Pregnancy and birth are hard. Raising babies is hard. But I think the hardest is losing yourself. After each babe, postpartum has gotten worse," Cheyenne Moore writes in a Facebook post. "I don't know if it's being in the trenches of raising multiple children, taking care of a home, working while trying to juggle all of these, or just the pressures of being a mom in today's world."</p><p><strong>This is so real: Being a mother can make you feel like you've lost touch with who you were when your <a href="https://www.mother.ly/love/confession-i-fell-out-of-love-with-my-husband-when-we-became-parents" target="_self">partner fell in love with you</a>.</strong> </p><p>"Some days you look around and it hits you that you have no clue who you are outside of those things," Cheyenne adds. "That life is flying by, and you feel lost in the middle of it. Some days you get a glimpse of your old carefree self. Other days you're navigating the high emotions, the doubt, and the wondering when you will feel like yourself again."</p><p>Mama, if you're dealing with these feelings, know you're not alone. And to Cheyenne Moore: Thank you for putting these feelings into words. We know so many mamas feel seen when they read them.</p>

<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjY0MDcwMC9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMDU4NTc0Nn0.IYdmIN2HBgdFi9IrInHmDfQriwCyXj0LGhP6pq3hZek/img.png?width=980" id="ae38f" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5e0be54ddb2e8b119abd9cad67d66675" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /><p>Recently a CEO mama in Menlo Park, California posted<a href="https://www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/household-manager-cook-nanny-menlo-park-at-the-calendar-1706773652/" target="_blank"> a very detailed job ad seeking a "household manager/cook/nanny."</a> She was hoping to find someone who could love and support her 10-year-old twins and herself, but instead, she got a lot of pushback online. </p><p>The criticism was instant and intense. The 1,000-word job description was mocked, the woman who wrote it was mom-shamed and many suggested that her requirements (which included "can eat duck eggs" and "likes river swimming") <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/24/nanny-viral-ad-california-ceo" target="_blank">were roasted as unrealistically specific and demanding. </a></p><p>A <em>Guardian </em>columnist concluded their critique of the posting by acknowledging the double standards inherent in the backlash but also suggesting that any nanny working for this woman should be pitied. </p><p>"Now, I know what you're all thinking: when a man outsources his childcare, nobody bats an eyelid—and here we are laughing at a single mom who made it and just wants to lean in. That's a fair point—but it shouldn't make us feel any less bad for the nanny," Poppy Noor wrote for <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/24/nanny-viral-ad-california-ceo" target="_blank"><em>The Guardian. </em></a></p><p><strong>While there is no denying that this CEO's job description is super specific, the person who gets the gig may actually feel lucky. This mom's job post was incredibly detailed but she's also willing to pay incredibly well for a person who fits her household's exact needs,<a href="https://www.mother.ly/news/childcare-workers-make-less-than-amazon-delivery-drivers" target="_blank"> and in a country where most nannies are making less than Amazon delivery drivers</a>, that's a good thing. </strong></p><p>In an interview with Slate's Ruth Graham, the anonymous CEO explained she planned to pay $35 to $40 an hour, along with time and a half for overtime. Even without overtime that's a yearly salary of $72,800 to $83,200—with free rent and a car to use.</p><p>"And if the person wanted, they could live in our pool cottage, and the rental value for that is about $3,000 a month. They'd get a car that they could use exclusively for themselves; that's valued at about $800 a month. There'd be paid days off, paid holidays, vacation pay, health benefits and the person would get to travel with us. We do some pretty cool vacations. We go to Europe a lot. We always stay in really nice places and have a lot of fun. And we travel to Hawaii, Central America. And when that person would be traveling, that person would only be working eight to nine hours a day," she tells Graham. </p><p>The single CEO explained that what she's looking for is a "wife type" nanny, someone who can essentially act as her family's second parent. The ability to eat duck eggs or whatever isn't as important this person's ability to do "to do research, to make good decisions."</p><p>She rejects the idea that she's seeking some kind of imaginary unicorn of a nanny and insists the qualities she's describing are common in women in caring roles but undervalued by society. </p><p>"It's intelligence, education, analytical skills, thoughtfulness. That's not like a superwoman or super nanny. Most of the moms you know probably have all of that," she tells Graham. </p><p>This checks out. Most of the parents at the CEO level are men who have a partner at home, and according to <strong> </strong>Salary.com, if a <a href="https://www.salary.com/2016-mothers-day-infographics/" target="_blank">stay-at-home mom were paid for all their unpaid labor they would earn upwards</a><a href="https://www.salary.com/2016-mothers-day-infographics/" target="_blank"> of $162,581 </a>per year.</p><p><strong>Most households already have what this mama is looking for, but the household manager is not paid. </strong></p><p>According to Oxfam, <a href="https://www.mother.ly/news/the-value-of-unpaid-care-work-by-women-is-10-8-trillion" target="_blank">the unpaid care work done by women has an economic value of $10.8 trillion per year,</a> it benefits the global economy drastically and is helping billionaires get richer. "Women are supporting the market economy with cheap and free labor and they are also supporting the state by providing care that should be provided by the public sector," the report notes.</p><p>So instead of mom-shaming this woman for looking for help we should be learning from this listing. </p><p>According to Jim Moran, Associate Professor of Strategic Management at Florida State University, <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-are-there-so-few-women-ceos-103212" target="_blank">"only about 5% of Standard &amp; Poor's 500 companies have female CEOs."</a> Writing for <em>The Conversation, </em>Moran notes that "there simply are fewer women at these senior levels because of <a href="https://dornsife.usc.edu/assets/sites/545/docs/Wendy_Wood_Research_Articles/Gender_Differences_in_Social_Behavior/wood.eagly.2012.Advances.pdf" target="_blank">social factors</a>. For example, women perform more family duties than men do. And the need for maternity leave and absences to care for sick children <a href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/4166156?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents" target="_blank">hurts women's careers</a>."</p><p><strong>The problem with this viral posting isn't that the female CEO in Menlo Park is too demanding, it's that care work is so undervalued by our society that it's not even seen as work. There's this expectation that mothers can do everything (while still working in paid jobs and contributing to the economy), but we can't. Not without help. </strong></p><p>For a CEO, help looks like an $80,000 earning, duck egg-eating, river swimming nanny. For the rest of us, it looks like affordable childcare, paid leave, and addressing the cultural expectations that contribute to mental stress.</p><p>This CEO mama in Menlo Park is clearly in the 1% who earns the kind of income that allows someone to travel internationally and employ household staff, but she's making a point that 85% of moms in America agree with<a href="http://yearfthemother.org" target="_blank">: Our society doesn't understand or support mothers and it is time for a change.</a> </p>