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So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Imagine a graph used to represent grades students get. The x-axis would be the grades, and the y-axis would be the number of students with that letter grade. The graph would be lowest around the F's and A's, and highest around the C's. This is a bell curve, and it applies to many traits such as intelligence, strength, and height. Basically the quote is saying that you couldn't be more average, while sounding like it's saying you're exceptional.

Hunter S. Thompson had a good take on this:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”
― Hunter S. Thompson

On Top Gear, when they reviewed the Koenigsegg and found it to be quite dangerous to drive, Clarkson and Hammond made a similar point: that instead of being wheeled through the pearly gates with tubes up your nose, it's better to barrel through them in a Swedish Supercar that's on fire, backwards, screaming "WOOO I'm here, where are the women?"

"Life... is like a box of chocolates - a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper."
-The X-Files

"All you have to do is put all other concerns aside and your fondest desire will come true. Unfortunately, 'all other concerns' includes your health, financial well-being, interpersonal relationships, and often any inkling of why you had this desire in the first place. Good luck!"
-Jack Terricloth

I actually find this quote very comforting. I have a lot of stress in my (past) jobs and when I was under tremendous pressure to finish the code I was writing I always said to myself "this doesn't matter because someday you'll leave this job and not give a fuck about this codebase and you'll someday get cancer and die and none of this shit will fucking matter one iota." It makes things seem a little less... overwhelming.

Slightly off-subject, but the episode when Coach McGuirk is trying video dating he's making his video and he says something like, "My ideal woman, I guess, would be my mother, who I hate." It was like the complete works of Sigmund Freud condensed into one sentence!

Well like this morning, I poured orange juice in my cereal. I wasn't thinking. I just grabbed it...poured it. I was half asleep. Then, I realized I love it- I think it's a great mix. Then, I realized it's the coporations and the advertisers who prevent us from doing stuff like this. They program us to think one way- milk/cereal...then you realize orange juice/cereal is fine- it all goes in the same place, you know the old saying.

My friend took the headline from a newspaper, cut it out and laminated it. It now lives inside the visor on his car. It simply says, "It Just Doesn't Matter."

I guess it's been there for a long time but, last summer, we were driving and he got pissed off by a guy switching into his lane without looking. He muttered angrily under his breath and then calmly flipped down his visor, revealing the mantra. After that, he was pretty calm.

He said he has one at work and in his bedroom as well. I have to say, I think it's pretty cool.

"When life gives you lemons, don't take the lemons! Throw them in lifes face! Get mad! Demand to see lifes manager! I dont want your damn lemons, do you know who I am? I am the man who is going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I will have my engineers construct a combustible lemon, that will burn your house down!"

"on a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero"

"you are not special. you're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. you're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. we're all part of the same compost heap. we're all singing, all dancing crap of the world."

"Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (Editor's note: The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."
"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again, Christian!"