The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 20 July 2012

IMF Labels George Osborne As A Moron.

The IMF, the organisation charged with the task of saving bankers from the consequencies of their own crminal actions, has today pointed out that George Osborne is actually a complete moron. Christine Lagarde has warned him that deliberately destroying the British economy is not likely to aid its recovery. "We have come to the startling conclusion that throwing millions out of work, cutting benefits to them and then forcing them to pay ever-increasing prices for essential goods and services might not be such a good idea after all. We used to think that and were really really surprised when it failed to work. I mean who could have predicted that? Anyway, the point is that George Osborne seems to have missed this finding and we are appealing to him to pay more attention to his job. I hesitate to use the word "moron." He obviously is a moron but I don't like insulting rich people because it might upset them. I don't use the word "criminal" when talking about bankers for the same reason. Nor would I like to go too far in criticising his economic strategy since it has saved rich people from shouldering their fair share of the burden which is the main thing. The problem now is that completely flattening the economy is bad for business and business people are rich too so need protecting as well. Unfortunately this means that the peasants can't be squeezed indefinitely - though we would all like to do so - and we have to allow them enough money to pay their taxes. I mean, if they don't pay taxes who will?"