Meet The Housemates OF Big brother 2012

Deana UppalDeana is Miss India UK, a most prestigious title, while the love of her life is money. Great.Having modelled in the UK and India, Deana has declared that girls are jealous of her looks, and regards all men as cheaters. She's so right.She also doesn’t know how to wash up, iron or cook, because she’s got servants. The public is going to fall in love with her, probably.

Aaron Lowe

Aaron Lowe23-year-old Aaron is an MMA fighting (we don't know what that is). He has also modelled for the drunk racist John Galliano, as well as Hollister and Abercrombie & Fitch.Is everyone a model these days? How is that even possible?He’s one of them blokes that takes his top off in clubs. Great.

Caroline

CarolinePerennial gap-yearer and posh girl Caroline, went to a private prep school, where she got in trouble for being rowdy and stealing wine.She regards herself as unlucky in love, mainly due to her cutting her own hair.

Shievonne Robinson

Sheivonne RobinsonSheivonne (which is a name that's going to get extremely annoying to type), was a Playboy bunny for a year. OH JESUS. She calls herself a “professional arguer”, but hasn’t revealed how much that pays.She can down ten tequila shots in 30 seconds, and can smoke a cigarette with her boobs. Oh fucking great.

Chris James With Brian

Chris JamesSqueaky-voiced doorman and bailiff Chris always wins and is going to ease through Big Brother like repossessing a TV, doing whatever is necessary; “I’ll be the biggest two faced person in there I want to win”. Great.His ideal woman has “tattoos and tongue piercings, swagger, red hair and fake boobs”.

Benedict Garrett

Benedict GarrettAn eclectic mix of foster parent, former teacher and porn actor, he had to leave his teaching job when it was discovered he worked in porn and had to defend himself in a hearing.If you're looking him up, his porn name was Johnny Anglais. You're looking him up now, aren't you?

Adam

Adam KellyAdam's weird accent is because he was born in Burton-on-Trent but grew up in Los Angeles and became a member of the notorious Crips gang.He spent time in a US jail but has cleaned himself up, and is now back home to mentor young people with drug and alcohol problems.

Lydia Lousia

Lydia LousiaEngaged to Andy Scott-Lee (of being 'Lisa Scott-Lee's brother' fame), professional dancer Lydia has danced with Kylie and Kanye West. AMAZING!She was in the final 10 of The Saturdays. AMAZING!Lydia is a big fan of confrontation, but is allergic to alcohol, which just sounds like the worst allergy, apart from the one where you have to live in a bubble and can't get wet or breathe air. Or an allergy to cats, that's awful. It's the third worst allergy.

Connor McIntyre

Connor McIntyreNorthern Irish Connor is a big fan of having a perfectly shaved body, presumably to resemble a 7 year old boy.When he was 16, he played at the David Beckham Football Academy with Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard.He likes to wrap his penis around his wrist, and has given it its very own name: The Cock Watch.

Lauren Carre

Lauren CarreLauren is a black belt in karate (not MMA then?), she did gymnastics until she was 13, when she changed to karate and won three world championship titles.After a couple of drinks, she flips around and punches thin sheets of plywood. Great.Lauren says she is always the dumper in relationships. Yeah. That's what they want you to think.

Luke Scrase

Luke ScraseJack-the-lad Luke is a club promoter and can charm the pants off anyone and everyone "including your girlfriend!” Ha ha ha ha. Great.He’s only had one serious relationship and says that his ideal type of girl would have a "proper tight body" and not be stupid as he likes a challenge.

Luke Anderson

Luke AndersonApart from his wife and family, hardly anyone knows that Luke was born a woman, which is set to change when he announces it on national television.Luke became a man four years ago and now is a chef. Actually, the chef bit is probably incidental. Anyway, Luke to win.

Sara

Sara McleanHaving come second-place in Miss Scotland 2011, Sara believes she was cheated out of the title for being too opinionated.She regards Margaret Thatcher as "a great woman leader". Great.Men apparently think she's too scary. Yep, scary. Not annoying.

Scott

Scott MasonPosh Scott doesn't like being labelled posh, even though he acts posh. He pretends that his family are poor, even though he's posh.Wants to be a TV historian. Also wants to shoot big game in Africa. Possibly a bit of a cunt. The jury's out.

Victoria Eisermann

Victoria Eisermann41-year-old plus-sized model Victoria has appeared in countless publications as a glamour model, such as Playboy, Penthouse and tabloid newspapers.She is an animal rights campaigner with five dogs and, having recently set up a dog rescue charity, she regards herself as "the crazy dog lady”.She's also a vegan. Barrel of laughs.

Ashleigh Hughes

Ashleigh HughesHailing from Essex, Asheligh is the reemest housemate. She says "I’m not like that TOWIE lot” despite wearing fake nails and fake tans, and being just like that TOWIE lot. Swears a lot, loves Justin Bieber and likes to not be wearing clothes. Great.

Now the Wildcards:Yep, you the public get to pick one of these three to go in. If you don't pick Rebecca you are wrong, and should have all future voting opportunities deined to you.

RebeccaProper, solid gold, top-class Big Brother nutter.We have no idea what she's talking about. Ever.Sample quote: “I’d love to have a show on CBeebies, no classical stuff, it has to be very exaggerated and contemporary, like a drag queen type. I want to be Mrs Tumbles”.You think you're going to find her annoying, but then you just find yourself drawn to it like a daft tractor beam.She will be amazing.

AnthonyWrites books about vampires and shit.Works as a gothic/alternative model (is there much call for those?).Saysthat if he gets in the BB house he'll be "sleeping in". Even though they don't actually let you do that.

BhaveshCompares himself to Lady Di and Thatcher (Right, because they were very similar).Wants to be on BB to help the Gay Asian cause.Admits to being a bit of a diva. Oh. Great.