Christ-centered Support for Family and Friends of those ensnared in Addiction...

Chapter 1-- Faith, Hope and Fearless

We all
have addictions in some degree. In
addition to the "harmful" ones of drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling
and pornography, it might be sugar, caffeine, overeating, overspending, social
media, video games, co-dependency or adrenaline rushes.

Can you think of any others?

Addiction may seem too strong a term to some of us. The
woman who is serving so faithfully at church--surely, there's nothing wrong
with that. And who can blame the man who stays long at the office to provide
for his family?

We may look forward to
the next meal more than most people do. Our hobbies can be a nuisance
sometimes, but to call any of this an addiction seems to stretch the word a bit
too far.What happens if we give it up?
Let go of the things that provide us with a sense of security? Or comfort? Or
excitement, or relief? We soon discover the tentacles of attachment deep in our
souls. There will be an anxiousness; We begin to think about work or food or
golf even more. Withdrawal sets in. If we can make it a week or two out of
sheer willpower, we find a sadness growing in our soul, a deep sense of loss.
Lethargy and a lack of motivation follow.

How
DO addictions begin?

Sometimes, it
is just an experiment. Many times there
are emotional triggers. Feelings get hurt. We feel mental or physical pain. We turn
to something that we think will numb the pain.
We are under attack. The closer
we get to the Lord and following his plan, the more we are bombarded.

Have
you ever tried to let go of an addiction?
How hard is it?

Addictions to harmful substances
and harmful behaviors not only hurt our loved ones but us as well. All
addictions appear to cause physical damage in the control and pleasure areas of
the brain. There is visible shrinkage in the frontal control areas, not unlike
traumatic brain injury. This has been well documented in both drug and
"natural" addictions such as over-eating and sexual addictions. Evidence
of actual DNA change caused by addiction helps us understand that recovery is a
cellular battle across the entire body, and not just a matter of will power and
morality. Addiction is a collision with the
adversary, producing not only a spiritual wound, but causing physical damage to
the brain, to the DNA, as well as to personal and social relationships. However,
recent studies show that recovery with healing allows the brain to return to a
more normal state.

Our addictions are our own worst enemies. They enslave us
with chains that are of our own making and yet that, paradoxically, are
virtually beyond our control. Addiction also makes idolaters of us all, because
it forces us to worship these objects of attachment, thereby preventing us from
truly, freely loving God and one another.

Below
are some of the feelings that many spouses and family members or friends of
addicts experience:

—Fear
that our loved ones will never get better.

—Fear
of the possibility that they may die physically as well as spiritually.

—Fear
of the harm they might do to others around them, especially children.

—Physical
weariness caused by sleeplessness, stress, and anxiety.

—Confusion
about why our loved ones behave so irrationally and why nothing we say or do
seems to make any difference.

—Loss
of trust and confidence as a result of their lying, deception, and
manipulation.

—Shame
and hopelessness as we improperly assume responsibility for their choices.

—Anger
that we have been betrayed and hurt by our loved ones.

—Loneliness
and isolation as we try to keep their addictions a secret to protect others.

—Pain
and hurt associated with a spouse’s physical or virtual infidelity.

—Bitterness
over financial challenges as we deal with excessive spending, treatment
programs, legal expenses, fines, or destruction of property.

—Fear
that continued addictions somehow reflect our own lack of faith or inability to
access God’s help on their behalf. Many times, a spouse develops co-dependent
behaviors as she tries to change her husband's behavior. She believes that her happiness and peace of
mind are dependent on his recovery. Many people have co-dependent behavior as a
primary addiction. They view their
happiness as dependent on other people.

—Fear
of consequences resulting from potential incarceration or other legal issues.

Each
of these concerns is valid, and with faith and support from others can be
worked through with care and time. God can help us through any difficult
situation, if we will let Him.

What other feelings have
YOU experienced as a result of your loved one’s addiction?

We may wonder if God
knows what we are
going through as our loved ones struggle with their addictions. We may erroneously feel we have to be perfect
to qualify for God’s help. In spite of our efforts, there may be times when we
feel alone and that God is not hearing our pleas. However, He is there blessing
us even when things may appear hopeless. He will never abandon us.

What will you do if you
come to feel that God is ignoring you or doesn’t care about your situation
anymore?

The Lord always provides comfort,
guidance, and strength, even when we may not realize it. These subtle and
tender evidences of God’s love and support come in a variety of ways; for
example--through the helping hands of others or during lessons, talks, or music
that speak directly to us. At other times, an idea or impression helps us
gain greater understanding and direction and feel increased love.

What would you say to
help someone who feels that God is not supporting them?

Our loved ones’ addictions can threaten our
hopes. Many of us feel that we are just
hanging on, clinging to God out of habit, reflex, or desperation. It can be
hard to move forward through the pain of broken promises and threatened dreams.
The choice we face is whether or not to have faith in God, even when we can’t
see how God’s promises will be kept.

How have your expectation, hopes and
dreams been impacted by the choices of your loved one?

As we exercise our faith in Him, the
Lord will give us strength beyond our own. Jesus said, “If ye have faith as a
grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder
place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you” (Matthew
17:20). When we remember that our Savior is there to help us, our simple faith
will grow and increase. “Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him
with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions” (Jacob 3:1).

For some reason we keep forgetting that Jesus,
in the Gospels, is operating in enemy territory. We project into the Gospel
stories a pastoral backdrop, the quaint charm of a Middle Eastern travel brochure.
In our mind we see picturesque villages, bustling markets, smiling children—and
Jesus wandering through it all like a son come home from college. We forget the
context of his life and mission. His story begins with genocide—the massacre of
the innocents, Herod’s attempt to murder Jesus by ordering the systematic
execution of all young boys around Bethlehem. Who
could bear seeing this included in a Nativity scene?

God
sends an angel to warn Joseph in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the
child and his mother and escape to Egypt. Stay there until I tell you, for
Herod is going to search for

the child to kill him.” So he got up, took the
child and his mother during the night and left for Egypt, where he stayed until
the death of Herod. The little family flees the country under cover of
darkness, like fugitives. The Father’s strategy is intriguing—surely God could
have simply taken Herod out. Or sent angels to surround the holy family. Why
must they run for their lives? It ought to make us think twice about how God
goes about his plans in this world. Surely we see that Jesus was a hunted man?

Our enemy the adversary is a thief. Of all the precious things he has stolen from our hearts,
his worst act of treachery has been to steal our future from us-- all the magic
and promise and wonder of the happily ever after. Few of us live with hope. To
those without faith, he has whispered, "Your story ends with an accident,
and then . . . there is nothing. That is as good as it gets."

Small wonder
people drink too much, eat too much, watch too much TV, basically check out. If
they allow themselves to feel the depth of their actual longing for life and
love and happiness, but have no hope that life will ever come . . . it's just
too much to bear.

To
those who search in faith for the ending of the Story, our enemy has whispered
an even more diabolical lie. It is harder to dispel because it is veiled in
religious imagery: "Heaven will be a never-ending church service in the
sky." All those images of clouds and harps, singing one glorious hymn
after another, forever and ever, amen.We were given this whole wondrous world of beauty,
intimacy, and adventure, in the life to come. But, Seriously now--we will be
sent to church forever because that's better somehow? There is no hope in that.
That's not what's written on our hearts. Our we will be sent to
church forever because that's better somehow? There is no hope in that. That's
not what's written on our hearts.

Our pictures of
Heaven simply do not move us; they are not moving pictures. Our pictures of Heaven are dull; therefore,
so is our faith, our hope, and our love of Heaven.

If our
pictures of heaven are to move us, they must be moving. So go ahead-dream a
little. Use your imagination. Picture the best possible ending. If that isn't
heaven, something better is. When Paul says, "No eye has seen, no ear has
heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"
(1 Cor. 2:9), he simply means we cannot out-dream God. What is at the end of
our personal journeys? Something beyond our wildest imagination. But if we
explore the secrets of our heart in the light of the promises of Scripture, we
can discover clues. There is in the heart
of all of us a longing for intimacy, for beauty, and for adventure. THAT sounds like heaven ….being close to our
loved ones, enjoying breathtaking beauty of all kinds and being involved in one
fun adventure after another.

Is it better
to stay in the safety of the camp than venture forth on a wing and a prayer?
Who knows what dangers lie ahead? This was the counsel of the ten faithless
spies sent in to have a look at the Promised Land when the Children of Israel
came out of Egypt. Only two of the twelve, Joshua and Caleb, saw things
differently. Their hearts were captured by a vision of what might be and they
urged the people to press on. But their voices were drowned by the fears of the
other ten spies and Israel wandered for another forty years. Without the
anticipation of better things ahead, we will have no heart for the journey.

What
do YOU hope heaven is like?

Personal
Learning and Application

Keep
a journal of your thoughts, feelings, insights, and plans to implement what you
learn. As the needs and circumstances in your life change, repeating these
answers will provide you with new insights.
Go back to the questions in the chapter.
Write your answers. Each time you
go through a chapter, your answers might change.

1. How can we increase the measure of the Spirit
in our lives? (Study Isaiah 40:31).

2. What are your greatest fears?

3. What does Faith mean to you?

4. Many witnesses in heaven and in earth testify
of God’s existence. What evidences of God and His love have you experienced?

5. A curious warning is given to us in Peter's
first epistle. Study 1 Peter 3:15. There
he tells us to be ready to give the reason for the hope that lies within us to
everyone who asks. What if someone asked? Write about the REASON for your hope.

What About Us?

Is your loved one ensnared in addiction and you don't know where to turn?

We are hosting a Christ-centered, Non-denominational, "Family and Friends Support Group"

We invite anyone to participate, no matter what "religion" they embrace. The purpose is to assist those with loved ones ensnared in addictions of all kinds. We embrace truth wherever we find it, including scripture and good books. It is our desire that the meetings provide a safe place for honest sharing because we adhere to the principles of confidentiality and anonymity, and we use appropriate language and behavior to invite the Spirit to be with us. There will be no "pushing" of any particular religion.

If you cannot join us in person, take a look at the 12 chapters--listed on this blog. The material is constantly evolving. We recommend reading and studying the chapter prior to the meeting.

We will rotate on a 12 week basis. If you have an experience or a question that you would like addressed in a blog post, just email us at dreampacker@aol.com. Please put in the subject line "Faith and Hope." Phone or text 801-391-6285. The physical meetings will be in the Pinedale, Wyoming area.