Discover what happens after the break-up

Stuck in my crawl

I can tell by my reaction today that the line, “Something is missing in you” is gonna stick in my crawl for a good while.

Maybe I should not dwell or think about it. But how can you not, when someone tells you that? I can’t help wondering what could possibly be missing in me as a mate? I ask myself, in the context of a relationship was there something I was not doing? Would not do? Other than worries about my career, I cannot think of anything. And so it ticks me off. Because it probably this nebulous thing that really does not exists. But of course you can’t argue about it. How do you really show someone thier gut or whatever ain’t doing what they say it is. You can’t!

I had a friend a few years back I went to thier wedding. I knew her previous boyfriend of 5 yrs. A day before the wedding I made her upset (I didn’t mean to, honestly) cause she was talking her groom to be and all his traits, his personality, and I was like, umm he sounds like so-and-so. She insisted they were different. I asked how, and she says she just knows. By this time I had had chance to be around him, and I really didn’t see a difference really. and well from the point on she was mad at me the rest of the day. I don’tthink there was anythingwrong with her last BF, though there may have been something wrong with her.

It just hurts, and pisses me off, and makes little sense to me.

Maybe that’s the lesson. Stay the hell away from illogical fools.

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16 Responses

Just because she feels something is missing in you for her does not mean that same thing will be missing in you for the next woman. Another thing is she may not be ready, at all, right now. The man I’m with now is a lot like the one I was with about 8 years ago (with a couple of qualities that are different) and I broke up with the old one. Why? I WAS NOT READY for the kind of relationship HE wanted. I’m saying this because I was Tina then(in a way, we weren’t engaged and if he did ask I think I would have said no-and I was 19). I felt he was smothering me and all that. But I can look back on it now and tell you that it’s because I wasn’t ready, and because he treated me somewhat like he was “fathering” me (as a different comment to a different post said). Please stop dwelling on what she thinks is missing and let yourself heal so that you will be you for your next relationship. What she doesn’t want another woman will be more than happy to have. Trust me.

That is a relative opinion, not a fact. Like Miss Jay said, something was missing for Tina. She is not the Queen Keeper of Joe’s Value. So she didn’t value what you offered. Believe it or not, a woman with class, , wisdom, and maturity could find you to be a gem.

This is another case of giving Tina too much power. Her words about your value don’t stand in this universe as absolute truth.

I know how hard it is to hear you may be lacking. I felt the SAME WAY. “How could I not be good enough?” But then, when you take a look at the messenger, you know to reject the message because they don’t own or deserve the right to define your value.

Growing past that was an amazing milestone for me. Now, for me, rejection means understanding that I am not right for the other person. It no longer stands as some kind of global reflection of who I know I am.

I geuss what bothers me, is not that….let me put it this way. Before i met Tina, I dated a girl for about yr or so. We had fun, and she liked me a lot. But at no point did she act like I was this guy that had been sent to her. She vertainly did not relate that to her family or friends. now, of course, a yr is not 7yrs, but when we broke up, if she had saidthe words that Tina said, it would have been a prick on the ego, but not a stab in the heart from the back. I feel that way with Tina, because she told me and others, that actually I was the guy. And now I’m not? Before I had that special something, hell, I remember on tear filled night in our third yr, when she pulled out her journals and showed me the things she wanted in a man and relationship, and how she felt blessed that she now had it. It’s the memories of things like that, that when I re-read her email, I’m just like what????????

And that is why I’m still furious. If something is missing, then guess what I did not have it then, and so you should not have been saying those things to me or to her parents. Wanting me around as you sow your oats is one kind of silliness (how many sane women would agree to that in reverse?) but the end of her email takes it to another level.

Ladies and a few gentlemen, thank you for listening to my friend, Joe. You have been a good help in trying to keep him on the straight and narrow honorable path. I wish, however, I could shove him off it. I’m one of what Joe likes to call his devil friends. The guy that’s a playa, or dog, or just does what he wants and plays the game, because very often it is a game. I’ve already told him what I’m about to say, but he insisted that I write it here too, because, well who knows. He’s a funny guy, and a good guy. He really is, but very often he needs me around. I was not here for this blow up, and I would have had him do the exact opposite.

See, I think he is too damn inpatient, and too “This is the way it should be.” Here’s the deal, I’ve been around them, and the stuff she is saying it 180 degrees from how she was. No surprise she’s young, and pretty, and I’ve seen young pretty girls do this bullshit a dozen times. You can decide to play the game or not play. Joe never plays. But this time he should have. Here’s my take.

She has for whatever reason decided that being exclusive to Joe is not as much fun as running around with nameless men that may or may not be better, that may or may not slap her around, that may or may not dog her out (although I think I her words point to wanting to be a bit of a puppy dog herself). She knows what she has with Joe, but it doesn’t matter. If he had played it cool, it may not have mattered later. See what he should have done, was play it cool, and not worry about the guys. He’s got people that wish to hang and date him all ready. He should have done that with her around to see it.

See, I love my boy, but in this instance he acted like a little whiny boy that couldn’t be the star quarterback on the field, and so just took his ball, and stomped away deciding to not play the game at all. And it is a game. Maybe it should not be as Joe always insists, but it is. You can either play the game, win, or get what you want, or not have what you want unless you find someone that always acts in an honorable way. Right now, Tina does not see him the way I do, you do, or others do. She used to, but not now. And Joe operates from what should be when it comes to this silly chick, not with reality. So if he was gonna do it, he should have played the game she set up with her rules against her.

Now they go in no contact. Now she can’t see him shine, as he makes his projects happen. Now she can’t see him giving all the goodies she used to get, given to someone else. If it was me, I would hang, and do interesting but cheap things with her. All the real interesting things, I would have done with a new friend. I would have hung, and acted like, “hey you are under evaluation not me.” She would have been plan C. I don’t care what she says about her feelings; no woman in her position wants to be treated like they are the third choice or the afterthought. Especially Tina, she’s too fine, and too used to being the primary focus. Even these new guys will give her that to a degree. So cruises, photo safaris and a bunch other stuff that I know she wanted to do, I’d go do, but not with her. But I’d talk about how much fun it was.

Would this work, yes! Is it manipulation? Who cares? She needed a reason to feel that life with him was better than without him. No one likes to miss out. She can’t see that now. If he had played his cards right, then it would have taken 6 months for it to turn around. As it is now, he’ll probably spend the next 6 months mourning. Well he would if I was not around. I’m gonna have to make a playa intervention. Sorry, ladies sometimes extreme measures need to be taken. Hedo didn’t work. Now its time to call in the big gun

You know what ladies…..I agree with Chuck. You want her to see she made a mistake you say? Do what Chuck said. And while you do continue to push her away little by little. It will work. You’ll get the “you never did that with me” look.

YAY FOR CHUCK; I so heart you right now. Damn you for saying so many of the things I’ve thought as I continue to read this wretched saga play out. I think in some comments, I may have. You are a true friend and you are making a lot of sense to me right now.

The best way to show someone who you are is to act instead of speak it; actions DO indeed speak louder than words.

Hmmm… So the advice is for Joe to make Tina miss him? Now that she’s gone? I thought I called that a waste of energy in another comment… Maybe I missed something.

If Joe is gonna spend all that energy enjoying life, just go fuggin enjoy it. Why manufacture all that fun just to look back over the shoulder to make sure some lame chick can see it? I wouldn’t want anybody back that didn’t want me after 7 years and I had to lure them back in like a fish. Keep it moving, sistah gurl.

Help me y’all. LOL

PS: “Whiny” and “this is the way it should be.” We didn’t miss those things about Joe, Chuck Bone the Playa. hehe

her side DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM! he’ll have me outlooking for 3somes or some such nonsense. But while I would love to have her miss me. I’ll let fate handle that. Cause given the men out there she will. I’m not instituting operation doggdom. Like I told Missjay, sleepingwith her while she sleeps with another person is nasty. I ain’t catching nothing from no body.

No. What I’m saying is not sleeping with someone just because they may be sleeping with other people is not a good excuse. The safest sex is none at all (or masturbation-all up to you 😉 lol) but condoms are made to prevent disease/kids. I’m not saying you should go out and be a man-whore nor am I saying you should sleep with Tina, because that’s not good for you and would definitely count as contact lol.