Thursday, 21 November 2013

On the 25th of November 2013, the Say No Unite Team will kick off their 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence Campaign. This is an opportunity for us all to unite and say no to Domestic violence and general violence against women and young girls.

In honour of the #16DaysCampaign I want you to send me pictures or videos of you wearing, holding or standing beside something ORANGE and don't forget to say why you are supporting the cause; start with 'I wear orange because ... ' or 'I support the 16 Days Campaign with the colour orange because ...' I will put up the pictures you send on my Twitter, Facebook, Blog and I will also send them to the Say No Unite UN Team as a show of support for the cause.

Send your pictures and videos to diaries@stelladamasus.com

I also decided to re-post a blog I had written about Domestic Violence a while ago.Remember, you're not doing this for Stella but for those women and young girls out there that are living in pain and can't speak up about it.

WHEN IS IT ENOUGH?

WATCH THE TRAILER HERE -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3jJzBp2eX8

" It was 8a.m that morning and i was already dressed in my black dress,
black shoes, no make up, my brushed hair in a pony tail. I was heading
to yaba for a friend's funeral. She was 35 and beautiful, a mother of
two beautiful children. Really did not want to go because I was not sure
of how i was going to react. I was not sure if I could pull myself
together.
Anyway, I got to the church and it was packed full with people who knew
her and who had heard of her. As I approached the church I was already
battling with the huge lump in my throat, making sure that i could at
least sit through the service. I managed to go inside, then the ushers
took me upfront to sit with the family. I saw her mother and siblings
who were crying uncontrollably, so I tried to console them while
battling with that same lump. I did all I could until the kids walked
into the church with the nanny. Oh my goodness, now that lump has melted
into liquid so the flood gates flung open and the tears started gushing
out. It was not a very pleasant sight as the choir leader could not
continue the song.
This is to give you an insight to the kind of person my friend was and
the life she lived.
She was extremely intelligent, kind, simple and most of all, was so in
love with God and His word.
Well as I tried to calm down, he walked in. THE HUSBAND.

I am sure by now you are thinking I would run to console him since I was
very close to her and he knew me. Instead of that I stood up and walked
to the other side of the church And sat down. That was when i knew how
much respect I had for the church and the dead.
If I could, I would lock him up in the coffin so he could go with her,
after all he put her there in the first place.
We had all begged, prayed, complained, reported, and fought, just to get
him to stop beating her. I was tired of seeing the black eye, the
swollen face, the bruised arms and the constant headaches. It was so bad
that I had to tell him that one day he would do something really bad
to his wife and end up behind bars. Little did I know that the day in
question was fast approaching.
He had beaten her so much for sending her own money to her mum without
telling him, and when she tried to protect herself by pushing him off
her, he got infuriated and hit her head on the wall.
This time no black eye, no bruise to worry about, she just did not wake
up.
When her sister called me in the middle of the night I was not sure
whether to cry or get angry or scream. My whole body was shaking and all
I could say was " no no no please God no no no please".
I started to feel guilty, "maybe I should have moved her out of there"
but then again who am i to move her out of her husband's house when she
herself refused to move.

It really hurt so much that even as I am
writing this I am still crying.
The case was taken to court and was dismissed because according to the
courts the evidence was not enough, and so he was discharged and
acquitted.
In a country where an accurate autopsy cannot be carried out, let alone
crime investigation, What do you expect?
She Is dead and gone but the killer is walking freely and as usual he
has custody of the children whom he has passed on to his new wife.
My heart has been bleeding ever since because I know that this is
happening to so many women. Some are still alive today to tell their
stories, some are afraid to cry out for help, some cover up when they
are asked questions about their black eye, some believe that there is no
justice for the abused woman because other cases they have heard of,
have always favored the man and lastly some are not alive anymore to
speak up.
As sad as this is, it is still happening even as I write.

Now it has progressed to acid baths, body mutilation, and other
unthinkable things.
In anger, I stormed to the church we all attended and demanded to see
the head pastor. When he came out I screamed and yelled and people came
into the church to hold me down. Please do not think I disrespect men of
God. Oh far from it, infact I respect them so much because without some
of them who have mentored me, i would not be the person i am today.
Truth of the matter is, my late friend's sister told me that a few days
before she died, she had gone to meet the pastor in fear because she had
another fight with her husband who told her that he was ready to kill
her and nothing would happen to him. He kept saying "na naija we dey o
and when you die your dead body no go come prove to the court say na me
kill you".
My late friend then called her sister to tell her what had happened and
that she was going to see the pastor.
I asked her sister why pastor? Why not police?
The sister laughed and said do you know how many times she tried that?
The policeman she met on duty laughed and said "madam na domestic matter
be dis abeg, husband and wife must fight, go beg your husband".
When her husband found out he laughed and asked if she thought she was
in America, then he beat her some more for even attempting.
So she went to the pastor and told him everything again because that was
not the first time she went to him to complain and ask for help. As
usual the pastor said " my daughter, there is nothing God cannot do,
please prayer is what you need. Keep praying to God to touch his heart,
he will not kill you and he will not harm you. Go back home and maintain
peace please, remember that God hates divorce so you cannot leave your
home and children". She left there feeling so dejected and scared, and
so she called her sister and told her all the pastor had said.
I tried to think about what could have been going on in her head
everyday of her life thinking that there is no SAFE HAVEN. The man who
swore to love and protect you is the one who is killing you, the parents
who gave you to him in marriage will tell you not to leave your home
because it is not a family trait and it will bring shame upon the
family, you are too ashamed to even let people know you are going
through domestic violence for fear of being stigmatized, you are not
protected by law enforcement agents nor the law because some of them do
the same thing to their wives, then the only place which is the house of
God also tells you to go back to the place where you are being
destroyed.
My heart broke and that was when I cried the most because no one knows
what she could have gone through alone.
So I looked at this pastor and said I hope you are happy now, I hope you
are satisfied that she listened to you and got killed in the process.
I am not saying I support separation or women running out of their
homes, but I insist that there must be temporary measures to take the
woman to a safe place until things can be resolved. She has to at least
be alive first before any reconciliation or anything can even take
place.

My question today is, what does the church do in cases like this? Is it
saying that because of doctrines women should remain there and die? Is
it saying that apart from prayer there is no other way to help?
I poured out my heart to the pastor and asked him a question directly
without any apologies, "if your daughter came to you, bruised everyday,
threatened and battered, would you tell her to go back there and pray?
What if she does and gets killed? What would your reaction be? Will you
be able to live with yourself?
Then I calmed down and said God bless you pastor and thank you, I hope
this means she will go to heaven.
He could not say a word to me so I walked out.
Call this ranting, lamenting, disrespectful, but one thing is for sure.
We need answers, we need to shout it out loud, we need to educate women
and let them know they can cry out for help.
I can't stress this enough, if you are going through any form of
violence especially domestic violence, you can get help. Please don't
die for nothing. Make that call to project alert now 01 4737270,
08052004698 or send an email to projectalert@projectalertnig.org, log on
to their website www.projectalertnig.org
Enough is enough, the time to act is now. Say no to Domestic violence.
Dedicated to all the women who have lost their lives through domestic
violence.

About Me

Stella Damasus is a multi talented Actress, Singer, Speaker and Producer. Having over 100 films under her belt, she has worked with some of the greatest entertainers in Africa. Stella who is also a mother has been an actor for over two decades and is the Founder of the Stella Damasus Arts Foundation, ADIVA and is the Co-Founder of Index Two Studios, i2Radio and Mon Afrik TV