First, this is an excellent question that parents need to consider carefully. However, mental health professionals (e.g., psychologists, counselors, social workers, therapists) must also inform parents and families what mental health is and what it is not. Partially due to sensationalized accounts in the media, a lot of young peoples’ difficulty has been inaccurately described through the lens of mental health. In other words, although some young people make poor decisions or display a variety of problem behaviors, they don’t necessarily have a mental health condition. In short, before we say that young people have a mental health condition, they should be comprehensively evaluated by a qualified mental health provider.

Related to the question, the following are 3 suggestions for parents to promote healthy and balanced mental health or emotional regulation for their children:

Build Relationship. Like so many other areas of life, a relationship is foundational to success. When raising children, it is imperative that parents and families develop loving, nurturing, and trusting relationships with their children. More than buying them the latest clothing or technological fads, the most important thing that adults can do for their children is to be available. Actively listen to what your children are saying (and not saying). Especially as they are becoming older (e.g., adolescence), share your perspectives in a non-judgmental and non-threatening manner.

Develop and Maintain Open Lines of Communication. Develop an atmosphere in your home that allows young people to openly share their feelings with you. If they want to talk, be available to listen. Also, regularly engage them in conversation about school, their friends, and their lives. Very importantly, ask them open-ended questions that allow them to describe how they feel rather than responding with yes or no or one-word answers. For example, rather than asking, “How was school today?” try saying, “Tell me what happened at school today.” or “What do you and your friends talk about during lunch?” Such questions allow you to better understand their world, the things that they are thinking, how they feel, and how they are being treated at school.

​Allow them to fail. Although not necessarily popular, it is healthy for children to experience failure. Learning to deal with frustration and disappointment in a healthy manner is an important life skill. In fact, some of what we have seen over the last few years related to students’ behavioral responses (e.g., school shootings, suicide) could, at least in some way, be related to their inability to cope with stress and disappointment. When children don’t achieve what they want, it is families’ responsibility to teach them how to respond in a healthy manner while also reinforcing the principles of hard work and determination. When we don’t allow children to fail, we set them up for a false sense of reality that life will always give them what they want. And when it doesn’t, they are ill-equipped to manage their frustrations.

Charles Barrett, PhD, NCSP is a School Psychologist in the Office of Diagnostic and Prevention Services with Loudoun County Public Schools