Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Elvis Is God: The Proof Is Here

Recent discoveries indicate that Elvis Presley, the King of Rock And Roll who died for the sins of humanity and then rose from the dead to appear unto His followers at Burger Kings and Waffle Houses throughout America, also lived 1,800 years ago when his image was carved into the decorations on a Roman coffin:

'Fans seeing this face from the distant past will be forgiven for thinking that their idol may well have lived a previous life in Rome,' said a spokesman for Bonhams, which is auctioning the item in October.

This Elvis probably dates back to about 200 AD – about 1,750 years before the birth of rock'n'roll.

But it could even date to 400 BC, experts claim.

The bust is an authentic acroter­ion – an ornament often found on the corners of sarcophagi, stone burial chambers where the most important people were laid to rest.

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About Me

Jennifer Abel is an American writer who began her career in print media three minutes before the Internet killed the industry. After starting at a small Connecticut daily she moved to the Hartford Advocate, an alt-weekly where her journalistic coups included infiltrating a Furries convention and working on a phone sex line (which fired her six hours later). Since then she’s written for, or been reprinted in, dozens of print and web outlets, including Playboy, the Guardian, Salon, AlterNet, Mashable, the Daily Dot and pretty much every website with the words "cannabis" or "legalize it" in the title. Once, when she was young and naïve and needed the money, she unwittingly edited SEO copy for a spammer. However, in light of the spambot comments she’s deleted from her own blogs since then, she figures she’s more than repaid that particular karmic debt. Jennifer is currently looking for professional, non-spam writing jobs; interested editors are enthusiastically invited to e-mail her.