Quick Links

Alphabet Meme: Remakes, Sequels, and Tributes

Inspired by Nicki's post (which refers to this Blog Cabins post), and variants by Shweta and Beth. Rules at the bottom. Here are 26 ideas for new films drawn from existing films. Any in particular you'd like to see? To my knowledge, no films have been made with these titles, although it would not be surprising if they existed. Of course, it's all in jest and often silliness, and I'm poking fun at my favorites too :o)

Amar Akbar and Tony: About time Akshaye Khanna, Ranbir Kapoor and Abhishek Bachchan gave us a remake, in English, of one of the best masala films ever in Amar Akbar Anthony (1977).

Belt: To hold the Jeans (1998) in place.

Chaal Kaisa Hai Janaab Ka: The title is inspired by the song Haal Kaisa Hai Janaab Ka from Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi (1958), but this would be a remake of Mr. and Mrs. 55 (1955) starring my equivalents of Guru Dutt and Madhubala, Aamir Khan and Madhuri Dixit. It's too bad they didn't do much work together, but Dil (1990) was enough to showcase their chemistry.

Dhoom Again...and Again: Yash Raj Films might be caught in a bubble when every other film contains a reference to one film -- Dhoom (2004) -- and its sequel. *Yawn*

Elizabeth in a Saree: I'm fiercely opposed to a mere discussion on a sequel to Lagaan (2001), but how about a short film the length of a music video dedicated to Rachel Shelley?!

Farida Ka Jalaal (The Eminence of Farida): Farida Jalal and Reema Lagoo are my favorite filmy moms. I recently saw an older film starring Ms. Jalal, and my only reaction was 'Woah'! This film would be a compilation of some of her older works, because those of us who were born after her prime deserve to know more.

Gabbar Singh Ka Hamla (The Attack of Gabbar Singh): Another remake of Sholay (1975), in which Gabbar beats up Ram Gopal Verma by the Gateway of India. In about a minute, this film would be better and more engaging than RGV's attempt to remake a classic with Aag (2007).

Hum Tumhare Bhi Hain Sanam (I am yours too, [my] love): A sequel to Hum Tumhare Hain Sanam (2002), starring Salman Khan and all the lovely ladies he's partnered with, in and out of film (so it would include Madhuri Dixit).

Isshh: Yet another adaptation of Devdas (1917) the novel. This Wikipedia entry notes nine adapted films, with a tenth on its way, starring Abhay Deol. That's about one film for every decade, so I guess it's not as bad (or as good) as it sounds.

Jo Haara Woh Bandar (One who loses is a Monkey): The title is inspired by Jo Jeeta Wohi Sikandar (1992), in which Sanju is a winner. But this film is about a loser, so it would be the eleventh film on Devdas, maybe another name for 'Isshh' above :)

Kuriosity Kills the Kat: A Rakesh Roshan film, the third following Koi Mil Gaya (2003) and Krissh (2006). It's great to have a Bollywood superhero, but even Batman has Catwoman and He-Man, Teela. So I propose we give Krrish, Kat. Katrina Kaif is the obvious choice.

Love Story 1950: A sequel to Love Story 2050 (2008), in which Daddy and Baby Baweja travel back in time to try to get a period film right before attempting to take us to the future with Love Story 3050. I've tried playing the one set in 2050 three times, and haven't gotten past the first 15 minutes.

Main Mohammad Rafi Banna Chahta Hoon (I want to be Mohammad Rafi): The title is inspired by Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon (2003), and the film would feature a singing competition hosted by the one and only Sonu Nigam, who credits Mohammad Rafi as his inspiration. Sonu is a fantastic vocalist, and his releases dedicated to Rafi, especially the newer one with music by the London Philharmonic, are unbelievably good.

Naukri Paane Ke Sau Tareeqe (A Hundred ways to get a Job): The line was used by Akash right before the song Koi Kahe Kehta Rahe in Dil Chahta Hai (2001). This would be a tribute to the film and its emotional depth, which encourages college students to pursue a degree based on what they enjoy (more constant), not based on market trends (temporary).

Ooh, Aah, Ouch: The title is inspired by an iconic and memorable commercial (very popular on Doordarshan in the late 1980s, if I recall correctly) for a muscular pain relief product, Iodex. This film would be a documentary on product placement in film and the role of film celebrities in mainstream Indian media. Maybe a compilation of some of their best commercials (because they're so good, each gets a 'Making of' video before its release!). The hurt (as in 'ouch') would be captured in a special chapter noting recent failed campaigns, and the brands and actors behind them. This documentary would be presented by Bipasha Basu, whose character in Corporate (2006) seemed to love repeating the term 'product placement'.

Paani Aasmaan Par (Water in the Sky): A sequel to Swades (2004), in which Darsheel Safary, the offspring of Shah Rukh Khan and Gayatri Joshi, discovers water on an unknown planet! Darsheel then goes and thanks his mentor Ram Shankar Nikumbh from Taare Zameen Par (2007), which serves as inspiration for the title. To make it a truly universal theme, Darsheel takes with him Sandy Cheeks from SpongeBob Squarepants, which means Nickelodeon and Walt Disney would be interested, too. Of course my favorite director Ashutosh Gowariker would direct it.

Qayaamat Se Jannat Tak (From the Day of Judgment to Heaven): A sequel to Qayaamat Se Qayaamat Tak (1988), dedicated to the greatest filmy couple ever -- Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla (haaye Allah!) -- because we know they're going to heaven for spreading all the Love Love Love (1991)!

Rona Dh(r)ona - No more crying: If you have not yet seen Drona (2008), please, please do yourselves a favor and ignore it, because I didn't, and paid the price. Word is Goldie Behl wants to make a sequel to it. Why we need sequels to miserable failures is beyond me, but just in case, at least we could have a name more indicative of the product.

Sab Kuch Hota Hai: The title is inspired by this saying at my high school for Rani Mukherji in Ghulam (1998), her first commercial success. Later that year, she confirmed in her brief role in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai that she would be sticking around for a while. This film would have two love triangles too, both involving Rani.

Tabu Ke Sang - A day in the life of Tabu: Another documentary, on what makes Tabu who she is. I'd fund the project, interview Tabu, and film a non-filmy song opposite her. Maybe for a commercial that makes it to the documentary Ooh, Aah, Ouch mentioned above?

Us Paar Hi Rehna (Stay on the other Side): One of my favorite jokes, which is rather silly, has to do with two people on opposite sides of a river. "How do I get to the other side of the river?", asks one. "You are on the other side of the river," says the other. Well, apply this to conflicts internal to India and Pakistan, and peace not being given much of a chance in both countries (let alone among them), no matter who we choose to blame. Nothing funny about this sequel to 1947 Earth (1999), which might as well have been titled 'Kuch Nahin Badla' (Nothing has Changed). The title is inspired by Jheel Ke Us Paar (1973).

Vacation - Wilayat Mein Sukoon (Peace in Authority): A joint sequel to Holiday (2005) and Pardes (1998), in which Mahima Chaudhary and Shah Rukh Khan find themselves deserted on a little unknown island in the Pacific Ocean (no, not in an archipelago where smoke signals might attract attention), discover it's haunted, fight the ghosts, find peace, and live happily ever after as king and queen of the island. SRK gets to finally crown himself king in the absence of Aamir and Hrithik (in that order), and Mahima gets to shed the label of one-film-wonder.

Xtra Time: If Drona (2008) can get a sequel, surely, Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal (2007) deserves one too. The surprise element here is that an English Premier League soccer team comprising South Asian players is involved in the longest ever soccer match in history, with over a hundred penalty kicks needed to break the tie with...Chelsea FC. Never mind there's a greater likelihood of Darsheel finding water in space.

Yahoo! Shammi Kapoor from Junglee (1961) returns to cinema with a short film (which is really a commercial popularized as viral video, making it very budget-friendly and easy to sell to the corporation) in which he rescues internet content search firm Yahoo! with a stroke of marketing genius. Memo to Yahoo: Forget the Eskimo, the world needs Shammi!

Zameendar Pe Laanat (Curse the landlord): A sequel to Mother India (1957), in which we are reminded of the continued hardships of rural India because of poverty and illiteracy, which make it all too easy for landlords to con poor villagers. Enter Sanjay Dutt, who runs for office and aims to hold others accountable, but doesn't need to because he successfully spreads good will through Gandhi-giri, as portrayed in Lage Raho Munnabhai (2006).

The Rules:

Pick one film to represent each letter of the alphabet.

The letter "A" and the word "The" do not count as the beginning of a film's title, unless the film is simply titled A or The, and I don't know of any films with those titles.

Return of the Jedi belongs under "R," not "S" as in Star Wars Episode IV: Return of the Jedi. This rule applies to all films in the original Star Wars trilogy; all that followed start with "S." Similarly, Raiders of the Lost Ark belongs under "R," not "I" as in Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark. Conversely, all films in the LOTR series belong under "L" and all films in the Chronicles of Narnia series belong under "C," as that's what those filmmakers called their films from the start. In other words, movies are stuck with the titles their owners gave them at the time of their theatrical release. Use your better judgement to apply the above rule to any series/films not mentioned.

Films that start with a number are filed under the first letter of their number's word. 12 Monkeys would be filed under "T."

tBF, you are hilarious! Each and every one of these films is priceless but as far as Dhoom Again... and Again goes, if it has Hrithik-Aish I'll watch again and yet again (shallow, thats me!) and let me know where I can donate money towards funding Gabbar Ka Hamla. This is one instance where I am sure public opinion will be totally for Gabbar!

Darshit: It's been a hectic past several days with work/life, but it's always fun to get away with Bollywood! I didn't know about the song with lyrics from the Iodex commercial (althought it's hardly exclusive), do you remember the album/artist?

As for your post, thank you, thank you! Awesome pictures! Really enjoyed them all at this link. The breakdown is great, thanks again man!

Saurabh: Most certainly, go for it! Emraan and Himesh almost debuted together, and if it weren't for Himesh's cap, it would be a lot easier to confuse them initially. Heard about the sequel to Singh is Kinng. I didn't like Singh is Kinng that much, but at least it was commercially successful for the makers to justify a sequel!

Bollyviewer: This is true, Hrithik and Aishwarya were great in Dhoom 2 and Jodhaa Akbar. And ditto to public opinion on Gabbar Singh; I say we petition Veeru and Jai to do the honors, but maybe only Sunny would suffice?! =)

Shweta: The Tabu documentary would be fun to film, although I'd beat Mr. Slow Motion and take more than a month to come up with enough footage to depict a day! And the 'Belt' could double as a tool for self defense (think Swiss Army or Bond) too. Glad you enjoyed the post :)

Nicki: Thanks for getting us started with this! Have a great week. Next week is almost here!

I don't have any word to express my feelings.Simply Hilarious.You may have been arrested for your life taking post like this and the below written title is simply superb. "Gabbar Singh Ka Hamla (The Attack of Gabbar Singh): Another remake of Sholay (1975), in which Gabbar beats up Ram Gopal Verma by the Gateway of India. In about a minute, this film would be better and more engaging than RGV's attempt to remake a classic with Aag (2007)".

Paani Aasmaan Par would set all sorts of records if it had even a five minute scene with Aamir and SRK as teacher and parent! And seriously, Love Story is painful, but I'm not yet sure if it's for the script or the Hrithik satellite :)

Reema is so likable. And ditto to Kirron Kher, she's a fine actress but all over the place. Didn't like her in Singh is Kinng, and I'm skipping Dostana. Maybe if there were a 'Dostani', I'd give it a shot, LOL.

Disclaimer

This blog is merely a labor of love. It never has and never will contain advertisements of any sort. Copyrights to images, music, and video are owned by the respective content publishers. Copyrights to the text, unless otherwise noted, are owned by me.

I do not blog on behalf of anyone but myself. Please feel free to disagree with my opinions, and read at your own risk. I shall not be held liable for any outcomes, no matter how material or otherwise :) Enjoy!

"See, I wanted to be a director, I became one. Wanted to be an actor, I became one. Wanted to make good pictures, I have done that too. Have money, have everything. But I have nothing left."

Guru Dutt

"The world screams and shouts all kinds of advice and suggestions and actions to be undertaken, but in the end you fight your battles alone. It's just you and your opponent, your issue, your problem."

Amitabh Bachchan

"While we can use cinema as a medium to teach, create awareness, make people think, make people socially more aware, etc., the fact is that cinema's primary purpose is to entertain."