Monday, April 09, 2007

I've The MoHo Solution

For those not following there is a debate going on as to what to call folks in this little web of blogs, others have summed it up (here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or here) and I will not.

But my solution is very simple. Let’s let “MoHo” keep the purer meaning: A true believer in every aspect of the LDS faith (yes, even the gay stuff) who is also homosexual. And everyone else will be called AntiMoHos. Simple.

We can split all our blogs up into hyperlinked camps, and each can organize against the other. We can all have posts like “10 Reasons Why I Hate MoHos” and “The AntiMoHos: Satan Lovers, or Satan Likers?”. All true MoHos can, say, give their avatars a blue background and the true AntiMoHos can be red. That way, without even reading a comment, we can all make snap judgments as to whether we should seriously consider what’s in it. If you're red and they're blue, you can just go right away on to thinking of ways to insult and refute even their observations about the weather; It’ll be a timesaver.

Of course the camps themselves may split a bit. For the higher-law members of the MoHos, those who are doubly LDS and can’t even ethically say the word homosexual, we could have the MoMoSSAs (a queer drink if there’s ever been one). They’d of course be better souls than the average MoHo, but would swallow their disgust for the sake of defeating the AntiMoHos (But once the AntiMoHos are gone watch out, regular MoHos. Nothing is a better chaser for a purge than another purge). In the AntiMoHo camp, we’d have everything from liberal LDS to vile atheists, and so you know there’ll be trouble there too. But I’m sure we can all put those differences aside as well, as long as we’re all in agreement that the MoHos suck and their differences cannot be tolerated, that is.

As I’ve never thought of, or referred to myself as a MoHo, I’ll be handling registration for the AntiMoHos. Give me an email, and, with a 50-dollar donation to our new organization, “The New Organization for the Terrorization of MoHos” (NOTMOHO), I’ll send you our secret team handbook that delineates all the great reasons we should fight the MoHos to our last internet breath, insights into the MoHo’s secret and frightening agenda, and why they want to drown puppies. I’ll through in a T-shirt too, with our logo and cut off at the midriff, free.

Let’s do it, team AntiMoHo! Yeah!!

Other than that, which is undoubtedly the best option, we could just let it be :-).

Oh dear, Scot, you've completely left out the Ex-MoHos, the Ex-AntiMoHos, the Anti-AntiMoHos, and the Ex-Anti-AntiMoHos. And really, we should distinguish between the MaMoHos (married) and the NoMoHos (celibate), and for that matter between the Co-AntiMoHos (married or other committed relationship), the No-AntiMoHos (celibate, but not by choice), and the AntiMoHoHos (ahem... emphasis on the last syllable). Really, we can't stop with only a few broad-sweeping divisions--you might end up accidentally associating with someone not entirely alligned with your personal dogma, and we can't have that, can we?

thanks Scot,I haven't laughed that much in quite a while. and you've got a crew of clever commentators as well, but you all forgot the MoBi tribe (you know that group that possessed the land long before any other. you wouldn't want to leave the bisexuals out of the mix, would you? - don't answer that!)

That’s nothing. The AntiMoHo T-shirt I’m offering (yours free with every generous donation) gives a %50 chance to save in case of bad haircut, gives a +3 modifier to your dancing ability, and makes you impervious to blunt weapons on Rosie O’Donnell’s Birthday. And they are enchanted items, each possessed with the partial spirit of Paul Lynd. Top that.

Though I should confess, they also make you run like a girl (or a boy… whatever you’re not). Small price, right?

“the MoBi tribe”

Yeah, umm. If you just hand over your passwords peacefully, I’ll be taking over your blog space for the manifest destiny of the AntiMoHos asap. Maybe you all could move on to the quaint internet real-estate we don’t want. Some chat room in America Online’s realm, maybe?

“And what of the quiet siblings to AntiMoHos?”

Who cares? Neither side of my grand vision has any use for the quiet, or the reserved, or compromising for that matter.

I fear no one is appreciating my genius here. No one has even asked to join my AntiMoHo squad. Surprising.