Footwear for the light-fingered

Back in the 1990s, Johnny Vaughan went out to buy a new pair of sneakers. Trying on some plain white Reebok Classics, he asked the shop assistant if he knew what sport they were originally designed for. Tennis, perhaps? Squash? "Nah mate," came the reply. "They're really more of a pub shoe." This was, the broadcaster decided, a landmark in laziness: the first ever non-sport-specific trainer.

Except that now, the Reebok Classic can claim endorsement from a reliably active group - the thieving fraternity. Police forensic scientists have revealed that the shoe is number two on its league table of footprints left at crime scenes, beaten only by the enduringly desirable Nike Air Max 95. "Criminals overwhelmingly use trainers, probably because they allow them to run fast," say the clever police. Better still, the shoes' mass-produced ubiquity makes them almost impossible to trace.

There is something deeply ironic about Nike Air Max 95 becoming the favourite shoe of criminals. As someone who bought some when they first hit the shops, I can vividly recall Nike themselves being accused of daylight robbery for charging an outrageous £109.99 a pair. They became known as the Nike "one ten" among underfunded JD Sports groupies. A friend of mine was actually mugged for hers and had to walk home from a club barefoot. Now the robbers' quarry has become their uniform.

Nike has so far been loath to take advantage of this associ-ation. But it is rather tempting to encourage the company to embrace the stealthy track record of its brand and launch a new range designed specifically with petty criminals in mind. Might I suggest Nike Home Invasions, or Nike Probations, perhaps? (It could happen. Nike's names are legendarily daft. Exhibit A: my pair of vintage Son of Lava Dome hiking hi-tops.)

How would Johnny Vaughan's shop assistant sell these shoes? "Yeah, good robbing shoe that, mate. Enough strength in the toe to stove in a window and plenty of flex on the sole so you can leg it when the Old Bill arrives."