Customer: Yes, I'd like to return this sweater for a refund. I bought a week ago.

Store Clerk: Well, first of all, what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, isn't it obvious by just looking at it? The first time I washed and dried it, the thing shrank at least five sizes. It wouldn't even fit an emaciated snake.

Store Clerk: Uh, I see what you mean, but did you follow the washing instructions? I think it says here . . . yeah . . . right here on the label to hand wash it and then to dry it on low heat.

Customer: How was I supposed to know that? The label is written in Chinese! And something else: The stitching is coming undone and the color faded from a nice dark blue to a seaweed green. What kind of merchandise are you trying to sell here anyway?

Store Clerk: Listen, sir. We take a lot of pride in our clothing. What I can do is allow you to exchange the sweater for another one.

Customer: I don't want to exchange it for anything! I just want my money back!

Store Clerk: Well, I can give you credit on your next purchase, and since the item you purchased was on clearance [No wonder!], we can't give you a refund.

Customer: A clearance item! There wasn't anything on the price tag or on the clothing rack that said anything about that.

Store Clerk: I guess you didn't read the fine print in our ad. (. . . probably can't read anyway . . .) Look. Here's the ad, and the information about the clearance sale is right here at the bottom on the back page.

Customer: Where? [Here] There? What? That small print. You'd need an electronic microscope to see those words. I want to talk to the manager.

Store Clerk: And anyway, you can only return items with a receipt within six days, and unfortunately, that was yesterday in your case.

Customer: But, your store was closed yesterday because of the national holiday. [Sorry] What a rip off. Listen. I give up. Your store policies are completely unreasonable, the quality of your merchandise is shoddy at best, and your service, well, is non existent. And how do you expect people to shop here?

Store Clerk: You did . . . Ha, ha . . .

Customer: Here. Take your sweater. You should open up a pet store and sell it as a dog sweater.