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I have decided it's time to move along. My new home will be My Flavor of Crazy. It's a mix of this blog and Just say no to crotchfruit. It is a work in progress so please forgive me if I manage to totally screw some shit up.

Several weeks ago I was talking to the guy that washes our truck and he expressed some interest in becoming a truck driver and asked me what advice I might have to give. Shut up fuckers quit laughing, it really happened. I think my advice may not have been exactly what he was looking for but that wouldn't be the first time someone was disappointed by what came out of my mouth.

So I figured maybe write a little post or two about my advice for aspiring truck drivers. Are you ready? If you're looking for the candy coated version of trucking I suggest you go elsewhere because you sure as fuck won't find it here.

Still with me? Good.

My first bit of advice is, DON'T FUCKING DO IT! Seriously. Really. I mean it. If the only reason you want to become a truck driver is because you think it is neat or all you can see are dollar signs don't do it. Just stay at home and find another line of work.

Since you persist in not listening to me, I shall continue.

I know that sounds mean & bitchy but seriously, there are enough assholes out here already that thought that driving a truck would just be so neat & what a great way to see the country & get paid for it. It is. What some people don't realize is that all the great touristy type things that they think they will get to spend their free time doing, doesn't happen. Not because the free time isn't there, it's because there are usually 6000 other things that need to be done, like laundry, paperwork, grocery shopping or truck mantinence. When you do get laid over and have all the free time in the world, it is usually in the middle of BFE with nothing to do.

Another thing that a lot of people don't realize is the number of hours that really go into the job. Not just the hours of driving but the waiting. You wait to get the truck worked on. I'm waiting now on getting a whel seal replaced. YAY! You wait to get unloaded. You wait to get loaded. You wait sitting in traffic. You wait for hours on the side of the road broke down waiting on a repair truck to show up, only to arrive with the wrong part. You wait for your dispatcher to get his head out of his ass. You may be waiting a VERY long time on this last one. Trust me. Hurry up and wait is the name of the game in trucking.

You have the verbal abuse by customers. You show up too early they get pissed. You show up too late they get even more pissed. No matter that you arrive at the time you were told to be there or you broke down along the way. You just learn not to take it personally & nicely tell them to shove the fucking attitude up their ass sideways with no lube. :D

I would like to say as a female driver that in this day and age that the sexism in this industry doesn't exist. Unfortunately I can not. You will be put down for your choice of career because a lot of assholes think women should stay at home and have babies & fix them dinner when they come home.

Also, depending on the company you work for, they may treat you like shit. To a lot of companies a driver is just a piece of meat filling the seat & serving the hive.

Are you still there?

Even with all the bad shit that goes on in the day to day aspect of trucking, it does have its upside. There are days you get to do the touristy type shit, you get to see some wonderful fucking scenery, you get to meet some truly awesome people. Just the other day I met a fellow female driver who had been driving for almost 40 years. Deb is my new hero.

So, with all the heinous fuckery I have put forth, is this still the career for you? If so, stay tuned for the next instalment of So You Want to be A Truck Driver.