Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Or too filthy. Our current show is one of the racier shows we've done, but we do have a very silly and innocent skit called Lizard Boys. Two reptile loving geeks are in the mall discussing their hobby "Yeah man, my red phase german giant mated with my sand fire high yellow. I got the eggs at home." When a woman passes they both display in the fashion of a male lizard trying to attact a mate. Head bobbing, arm waving, etc. This progresses with them fighting with each other and, well, I don't want to ruin the ending. The Sacramento Bee described the skit as "hilariously visual."

I just recieved a call from the producer of LiveWire on Sacramento Public Access. We were scheduled to appear on the show, and to use a video clip of Lizard Boys to give the audience a taste of our show. Lizard Boys was deemed "too sexual" by this producer.

"What? Lizard boys, the skit with the two boys acting like lizards?" I asked.

"Yes. It's very sexualized. We have standards we have to adhere to." she answered.

"There is no sex in that scene. I watch kid's cartoons every day. Men's eyes pop out of their heads, their tongues roll out, they say "Helllllooo Nurse! All our Lizard Boys do is bob their heads and fight with each other. If you see sex in this skit, it's on you, because it's not there."

She started to answer, but I was at work and I'd spent too much time on this already, plus I was getting pissed that she was projecting her smut paranoya onto such and innocent, goofy skit. I interrupted. "Look, let's just not work together."

"Okay." she agreed.

WOW! I'm still boggled by this very strange woman.

Perhaps it was the tantilizing line, "The dominant male gets first choice of breedable females from the clutch." that pushed if over the pg-13 line eh? It is a hot line, straight out of Penthouse Forum.

Oh well. My lifelong dream of being on public access television will not be satisfied this week.

Monday, January 30, 2006

I had a brain scan today. It was pretty crazy. Big machine, tunnel through the middle. I lay down and my head is wedged in to keep me from moving. The bed is raised up, and then a helmet/cage type deal is slid over my head and the little bed slide's into the tunnel.I'd been given ear plugs and good thing, it was loud as hell. It sounded like a rave times ten. I looked though a little mirror attached to the cage around my head and I could see a moniter. The monitor flashed arrows and I'd click buttons based on what directions the arrow pointed.This was being done as part of a study dealing with Parkinson's disease. I was part of the control group. Not only do I get pictures of my own brain, I got $20 bucks for it. I heard about the study through heckasac. Thanks heckasac. When I get the pics of my brain I'll post 'em here. Should be soon. I saw my brain. It's pretty.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Rob over at www.cockeyed.com linked my Herbalife panhandling post, one of several new posts at www.rockass.net/panhandling. I'll be out a few more times this weekend. We are finishing up photography on the documentary and trying to get all the shots that we want in.When Cockeyed puts a link up I get thousands of visits for a few days. Mighty nice, thanks Rob.

Accupuncture and Bob Newhart coming soon. And if any of you are following my semi-hidden Dreams blog, lots of new post there.

Work is still stressfull but I had a hectic and amazing day. Someday the book will get published, the movie will get distribution, the comedy will get got, and then I will look back fondly at the days of waking up at 5:30am, dropping my nephew at the YMCA by 6:15, walking to work, spending the morning working at break neck speed to have all my ducks in a row so that I can spend my lunch hour talking on the phone with Bob Newhart, one of the comedy giants of our times, who I'm doing an article on though I have no idea when I'll have time to write it. Hang up with bob, back to the grindstone, then race out of the office to meet the film crew at the Sac P.D. offices to interview their media relations officer about panhandling. Next, we race to the other side of town to interview the Sherrifs department. I walk home from there, stopping for sushi and at last I can rest my broken and bruised old bones (see yesterday's post OUCH), after trying on the gear that I was sent so that I can out on Friday dressed as The 40 Year Old Virgin; the things I do to make a buck. This is simmilar to the Kicking and Screaming promotion I did awhile back. Okay, now Simpsons and maybe a little nap, wakinig up in time for the second daily Simpsons.

My wrists hurt, I'll write more later about Newhart and about the accupuncture appointment I had yesterday. Yeah.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I had the worst day at work. I made some mistakes and now I have to clean them up, but no matter how much cleaning I do, they were big uns and they'll cost the company money, and feeling like you're not doing a good job sucks.Finally quittin' time came and I hopped on my skate board and it felt great skating home until I fell on my ass and scraped up my knuckle and hurt my right wrist, and I was afraid I rebusted my collarbone which isn't all the way healed and then I limped home.I wasn't feeling too bad later so I took my nephew skating at the local skate park and though I should have known better I kept skating and now both wrists are jacked and typing this hurts.But I still totally loved being at the park and while I still skate like I'm a total newbie I'm getting much better and I can ollile higher and I can at least skate well enough to have fun, which rules.Okay bye.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

I wrote a story about being punched in the face and it generated quite a bit of response from within Sacto's punk/diy/whatever-you-want-to-call-it community after being linked on a local blog, heckasac. Now the puncher herself has posted a partially apologetic, partially condescending comment. Ah the wonders of the world wide web. Check it out here.

Wow. So pretty out, blue skies, bright sun, nice and cool. I skated to work and back. Jumped over some stairs, got real sweaty, fell once AND DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING! I'm remembering how to fall again. It feels so good to be exhausted. I forget sometimes what a high it can be just to break a sweat, to be out of breath, even my scraped up palms feel great.I got my accupuncturist appointment finally. I go in tomorrow morning.I'll bring my camera and I'll let you all know how it goes. The accupuncturist is an herbalogist also and I'm excited to talk to her about some herbal supliments to help my stomach.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

New post at www.rockass.net/panhandling/. I hadn't been out flying the carboard sign in a while due to feeling lousy, lousy weather and being insanely busy. So I got out there today and put up a couple o' pictures of a new sign. Will be posting more pictures in the next few days.

Friday, January 20, 2006

"One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late."

Well my boss bought me a hot chocolate from Starbuck's this morning, and I'm pretty sure Starbuck's is totally sincere with their Deep Thoughts, which they've dubbed "The Way I see it" and printed on every cup.

"The Way I See It #49

Baking may be regarded as a science, but it's chemistry between the ingredients and the cook that gives desserts life. Baking is done out of love, to share with family and friends, to see them smile. Anna OlsonChef and hostess of the all-dessert show Sugar on Food Network Canada. "

Now hang on, here' s the best part. After this bold, potentially explosive declaration Starbuck's made sure to defend themselves with this:

"This is the author's opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks."

Bwa ha ha ha! Wouldn't want someone thinking Starbucks advacated baking out of love or sharing with family and friends to see them smile. Read more incendiary Starbucks "Conversation Starters" at http://www.starbucks.com/wayiseeit

The best part though was my boss writing GAY on the top of my cup so he'd remember which one was made with soy milk.

"The Way I See It #50

When I feel like I’m in a rut, I remember it’s the little things in life that are important, like riding a bike with a friend or eating ice cream with my baby niece. Michelle Kwan Figure skating champion.

"This is the author's opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks. Though www.RockAss.net is pretty sure it's true, especially the baby niece part."

I'm hoping to get some big time giving Ice Cream to babies controversy going here. I'm not afraid I tell ya.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Yup. Bryna and I have been a couple for twelve years. Twelve long wonderful years.This relationship is the best thing I have and the thing of which I am most proud. It's been an uphill climb as we started young and had no idea what we were doing. We've worked hard, pushing each other and ourselves to grow and to learn how to support each other and we've arrived at a very good place and it keeps getting better all the time.

I remember worrying that my tendancy towards coupledom would leave me distracted from my artistic impulses. Damn the whole tortured artist crap. I love that in my relationship with Bryna I have found a lifestyle and a partner that support my creative endeavors. I would not/could not be the writer/comedian/performer that I am without her.

We'll be married later this year. It won't change much after this long together, but it will be a great chance to celebrate this crazy love story of ours.

As for celebrating this anniversary, we haven't had much of a chance with ICBINC shows going on, but I think that when my birthday weekend comes in March we'll head to SF, or Santa Cruz or Monterey or somewhere with beaches and good food and some art galleries or aquariums or museums and spend a few days celebrating birthdays and anniversaries and whatever else we can think of.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I love Bob Newhart. He's one of my favorite stand up comedians of all time. The Bob Newhart show and Newhart are two of the best sitcoms the world has seen. He's a perfectionist and a class act and a funny, funny man. He's speaking in Sacramento on February 15th, and my friend Elizabeth got me tickets to go see him! I am so excited. This is how I felt when I found out I was going to see Little Richard. Of course Little Richard broke my heart as he was a senile mess of his former self, but that aint going to be the case with Bob Newhart. Now sir. Stoked.I'm trying to get an interview with him for The News and Review so wish me luck.

Wow, what a great weekend. We tightened up the show a-lot, chopped a bit from some of the skits, worked on a few costume changes resulting in quicker transitions, and introducing the show MC style helps those folks who've never seen us or who've never seen live skit comedy at all.What great crowds. The 9 o'clock audience last night was clapping along with the band durring the opening song and I knew they'd be awesome and high energy. Again we had people asking us for autographs. I want to be nice, and I'm totally appreciative of the enthusiasm so I sign the autographs, but damn do I feel like a dork doing it.

Now for a quick gripe. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DID PAY FOR YOU DAMN TICKETS ONLINE! Don't show up at 7:15 for a 7pm show and expect to get in. And when we're nice enough to let you sneak in don't whine that you have friends still coming. To hell with your friends, the damn show's already started. Okay, done with that.

Overall this run is turning out to be one of the most satistfying things we've ever done. Yay.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Show last night, the audience was so great. Maybe because they worked all day and they're more determined to have fun? I don't know why, but Friday audiences are always our best. They're the most energetic and ready to go with the flow and just amazing. We were on last night too. The second weekend is something special. You've gotten opening weekend jitters out of the way but the show is still new and exciting. We nailed each skit, getting laughs in new spots and getting bigger laughs in other spots. I know that we sent the audience off really happy and ready to send their friends.Of course, a lot of folks we talked to had been sent by friends who came last week. One group of six had run into some people at a bar who had just seen our premier last week and were still laughing and recounting favorite moments. It feels really great to see people enjoy something you've done.We have a new T-shirt featuring a white line drawing of the bird art by Qwert that you see above. We sold a few of those and people seem to dig 'em. Qwert's the best.

So, great night. Not so great was that I'm still sick and had to struggle not to cough, performing with a cough drop in my mouth through most of the night. Keep that throat spay handy backstage. Another night of performing sick tonight and then I've got a week to get over this damned cold. The steroids they have me on for my belly don't help as they weaken the immune system. But, I feel it running through it's stages. It's in the snot stage at the moment. Okay, happy Saturday. Got to go out postering.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I'm home from work with a cold. My job is cool in that I can actually work from home so I don't have to use my vacation time. The cold is mostly in my sinuses but I'm worried about it getting to my throat as I have three shows this weekend. I have a radio interview today on KDVS at 4:45 or so with Dr. Andy. I always enjoy the Dr. Andy show.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I just finished watching Grizzly Man, a documentary by Werner Herzog about Timothy Treadwell, a man who spent his summers living among the Grizzly Bears of Alaska. A fascinating character, Treadwell died before deciding which of the hours of footage he shot would be shared with us.

Herzog gives us the chance to see what an amazing man Timothy Treadwell was, especially his relationship with the foxes who would play with him, let him pet them and even bring their young right to his tent, but we're also allowed a look at what a paranoid and desperate man he was. Prone to wild mood swings and a crippling amount of empathy for everything around him, Treadwell cracks on camera repeatedly. He saw himself as the sole protector of the Bears and the world as his enemy. One amazing scene captures him in his tent screaming at god for rain, and he is furious! In another scene he is moved to near tears at finding a dead bumble bee.

Herzog's best move is in letting the story unfold using mostly Timothy's footage. Outside interviews with friends, family and other people involved in the life and habitat of the Alaskan bears help us to gain perspective but mostly Timothy tells the story himself. Herzog comes across the audio only recording of Treadwell and a girlfriend being killed by a bear, and he opts not to use it, instead using only a clip of himself listening to it. While probably depriving the film of a sensational selling point, this is a classy decision and what's really going on this movie is so much more powerful than a snuff film.

Last night I enjoyed End Of The Century, a documentary on The Ramones. What a fascinating set of characters, all of them, Tommy, Marky, Dee Dee, the very sensitive Joey but for me the most intriguing was Johnnie. His complete inability to feel anything but disgust is overwhelming. He is Bert from Sesame Street if Bert were a leather jacket wearing pioneer of Punk Rock. As he blesses George Bush and God while being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame I damn near fell over.

The doc features plenty of live footage, wonderful old photos and great interviews with the band members who are reluctant to dish ALL the dirt but end up opening up every can of worms put before them thanks to the patience and persistence of the interviewer, much to my voyeristic glee. Especially entertaining is Dee Dee's foray into rap in the eighties! It aint pretty.

I watched The Filth and The Fury, about the Sex Pistols a week ago and was disappointed. End of The Century went much further in satisfying my craving for a great punk rock documentary.

CLICK HERE to download an Mp3 of No Niggers Allowed (Two Innocent Stories About Race, part 1) with music by Crazy Ballhead. The voice was done in one take, over the phone so it's much more rushed than what I want to do in the future. Also I plan to use actors with me narrating in future recordings, but this isn't a bad demo.

And if you want to get all crazy about me using using "the N word" for cheap shock value, at least listen to the story first or read it here. The title is totally relevant to the story, which really is quite innocent.

Well opening night of our show is over. So, what next. I'm imagining setting up a regular recording night once a week at my house where we can record skits and stories. I want to get up a good back log and then colaborate with local musicians on soundtracking them.

All the musicians I've talked to have been real interested and I know some fantastic musicians. It'll be a cool way to work with my actor friends and musician friends at a more relaxed pace. I want it to be real productive but the deadline of a live audience performance is something I look foward to having a break from. Then I'll start releasing the stuff as pod casts or some such thing. Yeah. That'd be cool. Make some food and drinks, sit around recording, pile up some material. Any story tellers, actors, musicians that are interested drop a line.

That and some more short films. Me and Mike Rafter started one AGES ago that we have to finish and the Panhandling documentary film should be going into the editing phase by February. So, I plan to have a productive but hopefully less stressful year. Yes I do.

Hey, I do have one story already done, with music by Crazy Ballhead. I'll get that up within the week.

Monday, January 9, 2006

I'll not be starting a food blog or anything, but I have been cooking a-lot lately and I thought I'd share. Most recently I've rediscovered the joy of polenta.

Polenta is just boiled corn meal, but it takes on a great texture and it holds it's shape. I made up a batch and then put it in an oiled glass pan to get a shallow loaf of it.I sliced the loaf into four by four squares which I set aside.

Next I put some peanut oil in my wok and fried up some portabello mushroom (big slices then sliced sideways to give me small thin pieces), Zuchini and yellow crookneck squash (sliced into coins), a ton of garlic added later to retain it's flavor, and even later still a big bunch of sliced up basil, cooked just long enough to wilt.

In another pot I took a can of diced basil tomatoes (using canned, yeah, I'm a slouch. want to cook your own tomatoes? Have at it) and I cooked them down until they were nice and thick.

Next I fried the polenta squares in a really hot pan until they had a little bit of black on each side. I put a couple of sqares on each, covered them in the vegetebles and mushrooms and then the tomatoes over the top. Served up with steamed greens flavored with some apple cider vinegar and a nice green salad.

Mmmmm mmmmm good. The left over squares were put to work over the next few days under various fried vegetables and I even had some with Rice Dream over one like cereal, which I'm told folks do (except that of course most folks use milk.) It wasn't bad.

Sunday, January 8, 2006

YES! It's been hell waiting from Friday's opening until now to see the Sac Bee review. I went to the Bee's building downtown at 10:30pm, Sunday and they gave me a copy of Monday's paper fresh off the press. We got three stars and a great review. "Lizard Boys" is called "Hilariously visual." Of "Rolita"; "This unsettling piece is both funny and powerfully creepy." The reviewer's favorites are Ben as the title character in General 'Gina and Sid as a spychiatrist in "Curing the Vaginaphobe." He also singles out our house band, Broken Home for praise.So, come see us. Click here to make reservations.

I've been enjoying watching TV lately. What I do is I imagine I'm an Iraqi or an Iranian or Venezuelan or that I live in any of the other places where America is so generously looking to share it's culture. Then I click on the tube to check out this great America that wants me to enjoy it's way of life.

From shampoo commercials to Black Eyed Peas videos it all takes on an even more garish tint than usual. Try it. Watch your TV tonight with this perspective in mind, especially the news. It's great fun and of course horribly, horribly depressing, which is of course great fun. God Bless America, my home sweet home.

Saturday, January 7, 2006

What an insane night. The show sold out, which is great, but the reservations system, if there was a system, didn' t really work too well and we turned away a-lot of people many of whom had made reservations. I'm afraid we ticked some folks off, and I feel bad about that. The people who did get in seemed to really have a good time. They were a nice loud crowd.

We have a very strange piece called Rolita and it's definitely dark comedy, black comedy even. The audience laughed nervously through most of it and like most such pieces that we do it was either a favorite or just totally confounding. Nobody seems to land in the middle on such pieces but we love doing them for those folks that are looking for comedy in sorrow and tragedy. Our skit She was similar and there were always folks who would rave about it after each show and then other people who would say "Hey, loved the show, but what the hell was with that She skit?"

Daisy Spot opened for us which was an honor. They are terrific and enchanting and wonderful in every way.

In other news, www.heckasac.blogspot.com is a pretty cool local Sac blog that linked my punched in the face by a rock star story. I didn't expect to have the actual scene that the story is about discover it sort of all at once like that which was cool and scary. I wish I could just visualize them all as individuals and stop seeing the mass as one entity, and I wish I could truly let go of caring weather or not I'm liked within this scene. A lot of really great art comes out of this crowd though and I think that makes me want their love. Ha ha.I am digging heckasac (even though I criticized them for gossiping.) There's a town hall type feel to it when controversy comes up and while some folks post in a more productive fashion than others I think overall it's a cool and amazing thing. In fact, if anyone involved with the blog reads this get in touch, I would love to talk to you about a story in the News and Review if you'd be interested.

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

Yep. Six week run. That's a lot of ICBINC. It's very likely that we'll be reviewed opening weekend so we really want to pack the house, plus opening weekend Daisy Spot is opening for us, so that's exciting. You can go to www.sacactors.com to reserve tickets and mention that you read about it here to get a six pack of tickets for $60. That'll save you enough per person that you can all pitch in on some cheap beer before the show. And listen to us on KXJZ 88.9fm Friday at 2pm also.

In this show we're doing The Vagina Dialogues, the best send up of The Vagina Monologues ever cuz it's done with an understanding of and affection for the source. And Becca has a new piece, Rolita that's FANTASTIC and pretty dark and challenging and beautiful and I really love it. Ben as usual turns in a manic piece based on his every day dealings with the folks he's forced to share a planet with. I'm in there too somewhere.

Broken Home is our band this time around and we love them. They totally immersed themselves in the show and they rule. So now, I BEG YOU, please, please, come have a good night with us, help us get this long run kick started and we promise not to have a secret wrap party without you when it closes. THOUGH you should note, folks that wait until closing weekend will NOT be told about the party (unless they have a real good excuse, or a box of wine, or Sid thinks they're cute.)

Okay, the skits we're doing, High Flying Kung-Fu, The Vagina Hater, Lizard Boys Cruise For Chicks, Shiela Learns The Truth, Vaginas make you Gay, Rolita, Yawning, General Gina, Curing The Vaginaphobe. As you can see 'Ginas A-Plenty.

Sunday, January 1, 2006

Bryna and I went to watch a flick at my dad's place in Elk Grove where some dumb kid's celebrated New Years Eve by shooting a bunch of car windows out with a pellet gun including ours. Taped up the car in the rain, knowing nobody would be open to fix it the next day, went back to movie. The Cinderella Man, good flick if you like boxing movies which I do. Then, we race back downtown getting to our pal's The Berry's just minutes before midnight, we have our midnight kiss as we do every year. I can't eat anything because of my stomach, nothing but cooked vegetables for days now.

We head home, and quit reading if you're squeamishI went to use the toilet, which was full of blood when I looked down. I always look down, it's part of having this condition, you've got to pay attention to that stuff. I called the hospital and after explaining that I didn't want to sit in the emergency room for eight hours when I would be better off in my bed she agreed that if the bleeding didn't continue or increase I could come in the next day. It didn't. It seems to have mellowed. I have an appointment tomorrow and will likely be put back on the steroids. I'm actually learning to deal with this. Last night scared the hell out of me, but I'm not overly drepressed or freaked out. I'm just seeing where it goes and determined to pursue every angle in treating it; acupunture, herbs, seeing a dietician, working on my stress through yoga and meditation and of course following my doctors advice. My girlfriend is so good to me and takes care of me and helps me deal with the doctors and the panics, so it is a good new year that starts with her even if I'm shitting blood and if that aint the most romantic line about shitting blood ever written I don't know what is.

I love so called white trash food. The casseroles, the impossible combinations, it all seems to celebrate American creativity at it's best with a good dose of screw your conventions and sense of propriety. This is not food for people who care if they're using the proper glass for their wine and the correct fork for their organic spring greens salad.

The odd part is, I also love fu-fu food like organic spring greens salad. I am after all a vegan. I do the majority of the cooking at home, but when my wonderful girlfriend wants some extra snuggling she will fix me up some great treats based on my unique tastes and dietary requirements. Vegan White Trash has got to be the most unlikely cuisine, and I love it.

So, we start with Corn Dog Loaf. Sink the hot dogs in the corn bread, bake, serve with mustard, voila, gourmet eatin'. Make the hot dogs soy dogs and find a vegan corn bread (Trader Joe's) and now you're livin' in a blue state. Chop up them soy dogs, stir some chili into the cornbread batter which is then poured into muffin cups, swirl the mustard into the surface, adding a few more corn dog slices up top as a garnish, bake and you deserve my hot vegan body. I love you sweetie. And I love me some Vegan Chili Corn Dog Muffins.

The frog pictured here is called, The Aquatic Scrotum. Isn't that the best. This giant frog full of loose skin luckily, probably has no idea that us heartless human types have given it such a name.

And where does one find an Aquatic Scrotum? In Lake Titicaca of course. YES! I couldn't make this stuff up. Whoever was in charge of naming things in this part of the world RULES. Of course Dick Butkus is I'm sure sorry to have been born there, but for the rest of us, a good time indeed.

I want to visit Titicaca and see what other jacked up monikers I find. In the meanwhile I will just have to be satisfied with saying Aquatic Scrotum and Lake Titicaca and Dick Butkus as many times as possible. That's actualy a kinda cute li'l Scotum from Titicaca, don't ya think? Dick Butkus. Thank you, good night.