Tucker Carlson, We Have Got a Video for You

In light of The New York Times report today that Tucker Carlson may have paid someone named "Sore Throwt" for the listless, five-year-old video he already reported on, a, um, video peddler reached out to us to see if there'd be interest in another clip of equally scandal-worthy value. We obliged.*

We're only reaching out to you because our pal Sore told us you might be interested. He's a good guy and his videos are 100-percent authentic. But back to us, or me, or whatever, let's just say this video I have is the sort of thing that could change the election.

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To give you a hint, it's about small businesses. Yes, we have actual video of Obama telling business owners that they didn't build businesses on their own. It's hot, and it will change the race. I promise. Here's a taste of it.

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Like I said, that's just a taste. We're willing to sell the whole thing to you for the low, relatively cheap price of $25,000. Sure, some people will tell you that you've seen it before, but trust us, we can easily get you the unedited version that the Daily Caller would be really interested in.

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Sincerely,

[Redacted]

*This post is of course completely false, unless someone has $25,000 to burn.