Month: May 2013

Laide really has to make up her mind, it’s either she let go of Ayo or continue to experience tears and emotional stress all the time. She loves this guy so much, and always pray that he would ask her out he did. Ayo is the ladies’ man, charming, outspoken and he is also a flirt.

The problem he has is his inability make up his mind on the type of woman he wants. He is talented, in fact, the leader of a popular band in town and Laide happens to be a member of same band. They have been singing together for years and as the year goes by, Laide has grown to love, respect and admire the way he leads and control the band, she just fell in love with his person. Ayo later came to notice her after scouting different girls around, he discovered he had been moving around with a treasure without realizing it. They started dating and Laide felt like the best woman on earth for he calls her “my queen” and a queen she really is except that she was engaged to the wrong king. Ayo never hide his interests to other women when he is together with Laide, he would eye and wink to other girls in the presence of his fiancée without shame or remorse. It got to a time that Laide would visit him and meet girls in his room. She could not bear it, she would cry and wail for days only for Ayo to beg her later that those girls are just mere friends with no strings attached.

Laide met with a relationship counselor who advised her to let go of the relationship and leave Ayo because he is a playboy who is not ready for a steady relationship at the moment. Laide did not want to hear that as she so much love her guy. On and off the relationship went, Laide got hurt more and more as she saw evidences of abortion that Ayo did for other girls.

Laide’s thought was filled with what people would say when they hear about her ‘broken’ relationship. She has invested so much in the relationship that letting go didn’t look like a good option. She however forgot that they were not yet married and that it is better to have a ‘broken’ courtship than a ‘broken’ marriage. She did not know that the period of dating or courtship helps one to critically assess the relationship whether it will stand the test of time or not. If all he does now is to make you cry and sad in your courtship, he may never be able to make you smile if you walk down the aisle with him. A guy that cannot keep his eyes off anything in skirt despite in a relationship will have a great challenge with fidelity when he gets married. A girl that cannot stop wishing your best friend is her man despite engaged to you will one day sleep with another man she admires more than you if the opportunity avails itself. If he/she is not satisfied with how beautiful or wonderful you are, there is no pint wasting your time hanging around such person. There is someone who will admire you just the way you are….I hope you are striving to be the best you can be.

Let go of bad relationship or association…don’t hang around where you are just tolerated…go where you are celebrated. There is a man/woman praying that someone like you should come to his/her life. Don’t waste your time loving someone who enjoys breaking your heart. Say goodbye to that ‘killing’ relationship. Walk away from that ‘heart breaking’ affair. Leave that guy who keeps abusing you daily. You may have some things you are gaining presently that wants to make you stay…you may be considering all that you have invested to make you never want to go. You need to put the future in focus when deciding about your relationship; will this person continue to make you happy seven years from now? Don’t believe he/she will change that attitude when you both get married, if he/she cannot change now, the change may never come in marriage, rather whatever the person is now has a way of multiplying in later years.

It may be a bitter farewell now but it will turn out to be a sweet decision tomorrow. Just kiss it goodbye, don’t even mourn or grieve about it, because you are better off without it. A lot of us have over stayed our welcome in some places and thus we have been treated like dirt where we are supposed to be celebrated. Learn how to read signs and handwritings on the wall, don’t beg to stay where you are not needed…arise and go where your potentials are in high demand. There is so much deposits in you, don’t waste away wishing your yesterday was different, you have your today to work on and your tomorrow to plan for. Stop dating someone who is competing with your daily success. Associate with someone who completes and encourages you. Relationship is a team work; it is not a fight for survival of the fittest. Bid farewell to habits that is chaining you down from moving forward. Make a great decision today…it may taste bitter now….it will turn out sweet tomorrow!

My heart is touched and greatly grieved as I witness the proceedings of the first case attended to in the court room. The plaintiff is a ten year old girl while the defendants are her mother and step father who had been abusing the little girl sexually for over ten months. The girl’s teacher who happens to be a great mother had noticed the girl’s movement has been with great difficulty; she called the girl to ask her if she had injury on her leg. She answered both yes and no at same with fear written all over her face, the teacher also noticed her bruised face and asked her about it. The girl was silent for a while.

The teacher knew something must be fishing; she held the girl close but the girl stiffened not welcoming her teacher’s embrace. The teacher, Mrs. Magdalene however assures the girl of no harm and within some few seconds she started feeling at ease. It was this time that the girl spoke, “Daddy will kill me if I tell anyone”. Mrs. Magdalene was shocked, how could a girl’s father threaten death to her on disclosure of facts. Upon enquiry, she got to know that the man was actually the girl’s step father or her mother’s boyfriend as they were not yet legally married. The man however has been abusing the girl sexually and beating her up every time she puts up resistance. The girl’s mother, Caroline, has never been happy with her little girl, Princess, she feels she is the reason why she is not getting enough attention from male admirers. Now that she has gotten Edward to appreciate her body, she will not let Princess stop her happiness.

What Caroline did not know however is that Edward has been abusing her daughter behind her. She sees the bruises on her body, but Edwards is always quick to explain that he had to discipline her for her rudeness, laziness and lack of discipline. Princess was never given any chance to explain, and so she became a shadow of herself until a blessed mother in form of her new teacher noticed the sadness and bruises on her face. The teacher after knowing the plight of Princess took the case to the school administrator who first had Princess checked up at the school’s health centre. The doctor confirmed that she has been tampered with severally. It was at this point that the matter was turned in turn to the police.

Caroline and her live-in husband were arrested. immediately. It was at the court that Caroline was hearing for the first time that her beloved boyfriend Edward had been sleeping with her daughter for ten months.

Not only will Princess need rehabilitation, she needs change of environment, new guardians and her self esteem need to be worked on. She has been emotionally and sexually abused. Caroline was sentenced to ten years imprisonment while Edward got fifteen years imprisonment sentence.

A lot of single mothers need to be applauded for being strong for their kid(s) giving them the best through thick and thin; yet some set of single mothers have thrown caution to the air in quest of getting suitors for themselves. There is so much sexual perversion in the society these days that I fear for the future of our kids. We have a challenge before us. We are responsible for what happen to our next generation, so let’s get equip and equip our off springs. If you do not learn to teach your kids about sex education, he/she will learn it either from friends or internet. Start by teaching them early the parts of their bodies that are public and private. Don’t wait until they have been abused before you start regretting…it may be too late then. It is good to have lesson teacher for your kids at home….it is great to hear that you send them for special studies in church/mosque; but how sure are you that ‘those lesson times’ are not used for something else? Don’t trust anyone too much at the risk of the sanity of your kids, the best you can do is to let your kids know the boundaries and make sure you are their best friends, that way they can confide in you anytime.

I have heard lot of cases of incest, uncles abusing their little nieces, step brothers and sisters involving in terrible acts. It is very sad to see so called respectable religious guardians abusing innocent kids in their care, house- helps abusing the children in their custody….. My question is who is touching your kid’s body behind you? Don’t get carried away making money while your kids’ future is being tampered with; teach your kids how to be accountable to you and how to report any “touch” or “closeness” that makes them feel uncomfortable. Let’s bring sanity back to the society by protecting the kids in our care; we will all give account to God one day, what will be in your score card?

Ade has been distressed for days…his mind need to be fixed. Two women are fighting for his heart, he needs to choose one of them and each decision has a cost. He decided to cool off by going for a drink with his office friend, Akin. His friend saw that he was in a bad state, trying to drink himself to stupor; it was at this point that Akin noticed that something was eating Ade up. He didn’t need to ask before Ade poured out his mind. He was betrothed to Adun via blood covenant; he has been asked out by Wura, his benefactor; he is in a dilemma.

Akin told his friend what he would have done if he happens to find himself in that same shoe. “Marry Adun the love of your life and keep dating Wura for her wealth, keep scouting for a new job and once you get a better job, leave Wura”.

Ade started his relationship with Wura as he kept the preparation in top gear for his traditional wedding with Adun in the village. He went for his introduction, lying to Wura that he needed to rush home to see his parents who were missing him. She opted to go with him as his fiancée but he promised her that she would soon meet them at a later date. Ade plan is simple, get married to Adun and still keep her in the village with his parents for the meantime while he arranges to get a better job, change accommodation and say goodbye to Wura before bringing Adun to live with him in the city.

Everything was put in place to make the wedding the talk of Iremide village and its environs as there was plenty food and drink for everyone, it was the village one-time best dancer getting married to the first person ever to have won scholarship from Iremide’s village. It was the wedding of the village celebrities. Traditional rulers from the neighboring town were invited since the couples’ fathers were ‘titled’ chiefs.

It was the wedding day, drums rolled, palm wine kegs exchanged hands and several dishes of food were made. The couple was joined by the traditional ruler and different prayers uttered for them. It was dancing time and everyone was responding to the rhythm of music when a convoy of cars arrived at the venue. Ade must have made it big in the city to have company of friends coming from far and near, just another set of great friends, the villagers thought, as men in suit got down from each of the cars. Three men in black suit approached the last car in the convoy to open the door, only for Wura to step out in black shades accompanied by Akin, Ade’s office friend. Ade was frightened, how on earth could Ade do this to him?
Wura did not waste time, neither did she need any other evidence to confirm all that Akin told her, she targeted Ade’s right leg and shot it many times. The villagers did not need the town crier to announce that the wedding was over; Ade lost so much blood and passed out as he was being rushed to the health care centre. Wura and her convoy left for the city immediately. Fortunately, the visiting doctor from a big hospital in town was at the health centre with one of his friends who happens to be a surgeon to check-out an influential patient who was due for operation later in the week. Ade was rushed to the theatre immediately after observing that all hope was not yet lost on him.

Ade’s life was saved but his right leg was not because it had to be amputated for him to live. He needed nobody to tell him that he has lost his job also and he did not have the courage to go back to the city to look for a job because of his physical state. Adun was distressed and unhappy when she heard that Ade had been double dating but she cannot marry anyone else as long as Ade is still alive. She has to learn to carry her cross with a smile. Wura was wrongly informed that Ade died and she couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she was deceived by the person she loved. She attempted suicide and was saved by the timely intervention of her Personal Assistant who saw her taking an over-dose of drugs; she was rushed to the hospital but started suffering from depression after her treatment.

The quality of our relationship depends on the kind of association we build around us. It is popularly said, “show me your friend, and I will tell you who you are”. Ade’s friend who gave him a bad advice was the same person who reported his deceit to Wura. “He who walks with the wise shall be wise, but the companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20). If your partner double-dates in courtship, he/she will cheat on you in marriage. So the question is who is your ‘bestie’ now? Whose counsel are you listening to? Who is mentoring your love life? Think about it.

In the cool of the evening, Adun quietly walk down to the spot where she usually meets her lover. It’s under the shade of a big mango tree, behind the village square. He is the only guy that swept her off feet. Funny enough, she is just fifteen and her boyfriend who is two years older than her has just won a s’cholarship to study in the city. She is scared of losing him, because not only is he very handsome, he is also a genius and the pride of their village. He has however promised that nothing could part them both. She hopes he would make true his promise. She was still deep in thoughts when Ade startled her by jumping in her front. Obviously he knew she was deep in thoughts and he had to do that to bring her back to the present.

They hugged, looked into each other’s eyes and burst into laughter. They were best of friends, and they’ve been like that for the past two years. She has been the beauty queen of Iremide village, always gaining the attention of young bachelors in town because of her fair complexion and physique. Not only is she beautiful, she is also a great dancer, she has always won the dancing competition for her village for the past five years and this had made her so popular.
Their relationship is known to both families because they are usually seen together since she started college, though she has a year to finish secondary school, Ade however graduated some months back and won one of the three scholarships for their local government to go and study in the prestigious University of Lagos. It was a great jubilation the previous day when the news broke out that Ade had the highest score in the scholarship examination, that of course made the village of Iremide more popular as there are ten villages under that local government.

“Promise me someone else won’t take my place in your heart as you go to the city”, Adun said looking straight into Ade’s eyes. “Cross my heart darling, you make my world go round…no else will take your place”. There was silence between them as Adun feared that he will soon forget her once he gets to the city. “Make me believe you”, she replied….doubts written all over her face. As if he has prepared for this, he removed a sharp object from his pocket, made a cut on his left thumb to the shock of his girl friend….”Here, promise you will wait for me, because I can’t afford to lose you, my beauty queen”, he made her lick the blood oozing from his thumb as she vowed to remain faithful and wait for his return.. “Babe, I have to cut your thumb too”…. “ooouch”, she sighed as he made a cut on her left thumb. “I make a vow today to love you as long as I live, I will never make love to another woman apart from you…I will come back for you and make you my wife.”

Ade went to the city of Lagos for his studies and he never stopped writing to Adun. He also tries to call her once in a while. In school, he excelled as he usually end up being one of the top three every semester. Adun finished her secondary school and went for computer training in a town not too far from the village. In less than a year, she started working as a secretary in the newly established school in her village. She needed to be close to her ageing parents so she had to work not far from home. The moment she started working, suitors started coming. She turned them down…She has a focus…she has a suitor who she has promised to wait for…there’s certainly no going back. Two years later, Ade finished school and completed his mandatory youth service. Pressures came from all side for Adun to get married, especially when the rich suitors came in, she refused to be distracted. Ade made it a point of duty to check her in the village anytime he has the means and time, they promised to wait for each other.
Things however did not turn out as Ade anticipated after his youth service, there was no job. He was only given a scholarship, he wasn’t promised automatic employment. So, the job hunt continued for more than a year, as Adun was putting pressure on him to come and pay her bride price, his siblings and parents were also waiting on him to help lighten the financial burden back at home. Adun would weep for so long at nights till early hours of the morning, if only she has enough money to take care of them both, she would advise him to marry her straight away, but she could not make ends meet.

It was not long after this that Ade met Wura, she seems like a God-sent, he only assisted her once to recover a lost item…and that did the magic, she became indebted to Ade. She talked to her dad who runs a group of companies and within a couple of months got him a ‘juicy’ job. Adun was the first to hear the good news, Ade had to tell her so as to put her mind at rest and make her start preparing for their wedding. It was like a dream coming true for both of them, until Wura proposed to Ade. It was a rude shock for him as he never expected a relationship in exchange of her influence in getting him a job. Wura is the only child of her parents, Ade has a lot to gain by marrying her, his days of penury and joblessness will be over. He even has a prospect of being the CEO of the group of companies in the nearest future…but what about Adun? He has vowed with his blood to make love to no other woman as long as Adun is alive…

God does not joke with vows. Numbers 30:2 attests to this. God emphatically instructs that you should never make a vow if you know you will not keep to it. Vows are strong and bonds the parties involved until death parts them. Why make a vow to a babe/guy when you are not at the altar exchanging marital vows? Don’t put a seal on your destiny with someone now when you are not sure you are going to end up with same person.
Great relationships are not strings-attached, if you marry him/her because of beauty or material possessions, what is the future of such relationship if beauty fades and materials vanish? Blood covenant is deep, spiritual and powerful, don’t enter into it with someone in the name of assuring him/her of your commitments. It has great consequence when breeched. If someone made a promise to marry you and fails, it is not the end of life, don’t commit suicide, someone better is on the way who will keep to his/her promise!