No one ever said it was going to be easy...

September 24, 2007

Mamas Don't Let Your Daughters Grow Up to Be Sign Holders

I know, I know. You'll love them even if you don't like what they choose to do. And you'll respect their choices as a well-informed adult.

Okay. Got it.

But don't tell me you don't dread the day your daughter comes home and decides to tell you she's Hef's 14th girlfriend. You know you do. Admit it.

Your kid is still attached to your boob and you're already hoping and praying she doesn't decide to choose the highly rewarding job of shaking her butt on a nightly basis for some trucker named Jim-Bob with two teeth.

But equally as uncomfortable, at least in my opinion, are the people who stand on the street corners holding signs.

You do know what I'm talking about, don't you?

They are paid God only knows what to sit or stand holding some sign for some store in what always seems like the hottest day of the year. It makes no sense to me. Not only because it's not like they say anything interesting like "Destruction is near and Jesus is coming."

Hell, at least I could flip them off then.

But they're holding signs telling me about some 160K condos down the street from my subdivision that would do exactly the same thing if they were just stuck in the ground LIKE SIGNS SHOULD BE.

And really, the print is so damn small on those signs no one reads them. All they do, like me, is stare at the dude holding it and feel terrible that he has to hold it.

I know he's getting paid. I know there are worse things in life.

But why? Does it really guilt people into shopping for condos? Because all it makes me want to do is drive down to the sales office and yell at them for making that poor man stand out there with a FREAKING PEE JUG (I swear it had to be a pee jug. Or maybe it was a big thing of juice that he had already drank and was just holding onto because there was no trashcan or bathroom within a 3 mile radius).

At least let the man stand in a costume so he can cover his face. Give a big cow a sign and I'm buying $14 worth of fast food without even thinking about it.

But a random man with a random sign looking like he'd rather be having a chest hair wax.

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Round these here parts, sign holders where clown costumes so that not only do we ignore the sign, pity the employee but go home to have nightmares about the creepy clown that was leering at us while we were waiting for the light to change.

Good times.

And thanks. Before I was only worried about keeping my daughter off the pole and out of the back seat.

In NY the sign holders are actually flyer passer-outers and generally immigrants. So when I'm carrying a baby and a laptop and sixteen pounds of crap and someone tries to hand me a flyer for a $4 manicure (must be a good one!) I want to get mad but then I realize they're just doing what they can do. Under the table. Illegally. God love 'em.

If my daughters grow up to work in any way shape or form for the GOP I will be devastated. I'd much prefer Hef's 14th girlfriend than Ann Coulter's 14th publicist.

Personally, I'd be so disappointed if my sons could find nothing better to do with their lives than becoming POTUS... or actually, going into politics in general. I want them to feel challenged, successful and fullfilled in their work life. If twirling a sign does that for them (gulp) then... oh, who am I kidding. I'd be a total failure as a parent!

I honk at them, too. I say that I "just want my kids to be happy." But really, I want them to be happy with graduate degrees, six figure incomes, and jobs that change the world for the better. That's all.

If it's just a teenager with an ipod, as one commenter mentioned, I don't feel bad. But when it's an adult, especially one dressed as a freakish clown or something, then I do feel very sorry for them. It seems like the kind of job people slit their wrists after doing for a week or two.

I've always thought to myself that sign holding and passing out flyers on the corner has got to be the most degrading job. That, and being a cocktail waitress in Vegas. I really hope my daughter never ends up there.

I doubt anybody who is a sign holder (at least in this country... can't speak to the person that mentioned it being lucrative in Japan) is on a "career track" or to say the least, something has gone seriously wrong if it is.

On the other hand, I give them credit for doing something, ANYTHING rather than just giving up and feeding off the system. If nothing else they are trying.

Would I want my daughter to do that? Of course not. But then again, there is plenty I do not wish to see her do... any job that requires a paper hat, or ask "do you want fries with that", or be an "actor" at an amusement park (very similar to the "costumed" sign holders you mentioned) or a cleaning lady, and of course, as Chris Rock put it so well, my one job in life is to "keep my baby off the pole."

By themselves there is nothing wrong with any of these "professions" and I know people that do each of these jobs, but I certainly hope the future holds a lot more potential than that for my little angel (as I am sure every parent does).

I was told by a sign holder who is a friend of my BF's that it is one of the few jobs you can get after a felony conviction- he was caught embezzling, and companies that might hire convicted felons won't touch him. So he holds signs and does day labor and tries really, really hard to make money legally.

I honestly hope my sons' never, ever become security guards. Cops are fine, but security guard is a "putting yourself through school" kind of job. Next on the list is convenience store clerk. My oldest is named after a dear friend that was murdered just doing his job.

I couldn't agree more. The two sign holders that come to mind (not including the plethora of ones asking for hand-outs) are one for a builder and one for a hair cutting place.

The guy that holds up the builder's sign stands in one place all day long. I think the last time I saw him, he had on one of those umbrella-type hats.

The one holding the sign for the hair cutting place wears a baseball cap. Nice advertising there, unmentioned hair cutting business. 'Come to our fine hair cutting establishment. You'll be so happy with your hair cut, that you'll have to wear a hat until it grows out!'

Nice.

Seriously though. I feel so sorry for those guys. They have to stand out there in the heat all day long and probably just get a few bucks at the end of their day. And for all that, I'm sure no one actually goes to those places they advertise solely based on the guy holding the sign.

Kyle told me that sign twirling is serious business in Japan - that people can take courses and make a really decent living doing it. Maybe the US sign twirlers are just trying to earn enough to move to Japan.

Sign holders just look so sad, I like to think that they are homeless at least getting a few bucks to buy their next meal (or cigs or Jack)... costumes can sometimes be worse.... we have a Sonic (drive-in fast food, delicously greasy) by my office where a man stands in a hot dog suit and dances. Every single afternoon, no matter the heat. He really gets down too and it's sad.. sad.. sad..

I have to admit that those poor unfortunate souls do, sometimes, guilt me into looking around at whatever they're advertising. A case in point would be, um, yesterday. My husband and I have already figured out where we are buying a house and everything, but on our way up to that area yesterday, we saw a man on a corner dancing with a sign for condos. Actually, we see him all the time standing there and he's usually dancing but this time he didn't start dancing until he saw us looking at him. Then he started really getting his groove on, so we took a detour and when we filled out the forms, we told the people that we'd seen the sign guy dancing around out there and what a fine job he was doing of it.

I always wondered what they paid those sign holders, and then one of my friend who ran a used car dealership that does their own financing told me that the people who don't make their car payments can work it off by being the sign holder. That just CRACKED ME UP. I'd much rather just make my car payment!