The 'American Idol 7' Crystal Ball: Where Will the Final 12 be in 5 Years?Friday, May 23, 2008

At this point in the career of American Idol, we have a variety of templates for American Idol alums and how they may fare in the cruel world of the music industry. American Idol, despite its massive cultural impact as a television show, hasn't produced as many legitimate music stars as one might imagine. A vast majority of former American Idol finalists find themselves in the midst of modest musical careers. For every Kelly Clarkson, there are a handful of Justin Guarinis. With this in mind, we thought it'd be fun to peer into the old crystal ball and guess where each of the Top 12 season 7 Idol finalists may end up five years from now.

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This is all for fun, and so please don't be offended by any of my predictions. My personal distasted for some of these artists is impossible to hide. Sorry.

David Hernandez: Will be one of the featured cast members in Las Vegas 's”Thunder Down Under,” despite the fact that he's not Australian. He'll sing in some off-the-strip cocktail bar in his free time.

Amanda Overmyer: Will return to her nursing job, but will eventually be recruited to be the lead singer of America's most popular Jefferson Airplane cover band.

Chikezie Eze: Will still be wearing that ridiculous orange suit, because he'll literally be a cruise ship singer.

Ramiele Malubay: Like Jasmine Trias before her, Ramiele will become a monster star in the Phillipines, and will marry one of the country's most famous Jai Alai players.

Michael Johns: Will be quasi-successful soul singer, playing big venues in his native Australia and small clubs when he ventures to the US.

Kristy Lee Cook: After the country music thing doesn't work out, she'll return to Oregon and record a cover album of every single famous patriotic song ever written about the United States. It will go platinum, and Cook will play to sold out casino and state fair venues for years to come.

Carly Smithson: She will have more tattoos, and one more failed album. Eventually, she'll go back to Ireland and re-invent herself once more as a Gaelic folk singer.

Brooke White: After a mediocre first album (critical reaction: too happy), Hollywood will eventually get to her, she'll catch her husband cheating on her with Hillary Duff, Brooke will leave the Mormon religion, and produce her best work. This second, angry album will be akin to a Fiona Apple record, only angrier.

Jason Castro: After initially falling flat in his career, Castro will gain notoriety when arrested for possession of marijuana. While spending three months in jail, Castro will write an album's worth of songs which, upon release, he will record. This album will be critically revered and sell OK.

Syesha Mercado: Will be starring in failed sitcom pilot after failed sitcom pilot. Then, she'll eventually take over for Jennifer Hudson on Broadway's Sex and the City: The Musical.

David Archuleta: After a OK-selling first record and a failed second album, Archie will sue his parents, Macaulay Culkin style, for keeping profits from him. He will reinvent himself as a quasi-successful emo artist.

David Cook: After a wildly successful first album in his band (with the unoriginal name “Cook), David will struggle creatively on his second album. But, the third will be a massive comeback, and he'll be touring stadiums across the country in a mega-tour, joined by Daughtry.