Sounds like we have exactly the same issue. Unsure of the cause (I was looking for support too.) I hope you have better luck than we have had. I actually had someone on the Adobe Help-line say that they don't recommend using this on a network. ??? I hope it was a communication issue.

Anyway, we have had good luck with the following.

When you update, watch the files that are updating as they go by. When it sticks on an ICML file (right before crashing), make note of the file name. After the crash, re-open the INDD file and find the story that you wrote down. In the Links window, unlink that file. Try to re-update. Hopefully it is one ICML file causing the crash. Your content may be in the ICML file to be re-imported.

I know it's 3 months later, but maybe we can exchange notes and try to fix what the underlying problem is.

Yes, changing to ICML does not work for us either. We have yet to lose content by doing what I described. It is a little convoluted, but it works for us. For some reason there is a disconnect between some of the ICML files and the INDD document. This issue stops ID from updating. If you unlink the "bad" ICML file, the others will update. (occasionally, you have to unlink more than one file.)

We use a lot of smaller stories, so it reduces the risk considerably for us. Still easier than working in MS Word for what we do though.