Saturday, December 19, 2009

Dan Proft is a 40-something Northwestern University Graduate. He is currently running for Governor of Illinois and is at 8% in the polls in a 6-way field.

He is the former Editor of the Wm. F. Buckleyite, rightist alternative, Northwestern Review, former campaign manager for the socialist-Republican Northfield, FemiNazi, Elizabeth Coulter, former campaign manager for the ultra, anti-abortionist Catholic conservative Gubenatorial candidate, Pat O'Malley, and former $400k+ a year flack for the Mafiosi-based government of Cicero, Illinois. (This was the home base and political base of Alphonse "Scarface" Capone.) Their Italian Female former Mayor is currently doing time in the Federal Pen for the business-as usual Cicero political hijinx that our friend, Proft, oversaw.

This guy, Proft, has been all over and around the block.

He has been in the pay of socialists, liberals, mainstream legitimate conservatives and Mafia thugs.

What's next for Dan Proft?

A fat PR contract with Al Queieda?

Or perhaps a PR contract pimping for the government of Iran?

He told the people of Cicero that he was all for illegal Mexican immigration.

They have a big illegal Mexican population there and he was pulling down almost a half mil a year from their mafiso government so he had to be an illegal alien pimp there.

But now he is telling Republican Primary voters that he is against illegal immigration.

Oh, Dan Proft is so screwed!!!

I do genuinely like the conservative blather that he puts forth -- but who can actually believe this chameleon guy?

He is a true Chicago blowhard and a genuine Chicago original -- this Dan Proft.

A Word From The Publisher:

About The Chicago Lampoon

Chicago is a very funny city.

In fact, it is a windswept glacial burg that is the source of a never-ending supply of knee-slappers and outright horselaughs.

From the neophyte community organizer that it foisted on an unsuspecting American electorate to the mop-topped sociopathic boy-Governor that it sent to the Letterman show, to its storied depression era, tommy-gun toting philanthropists, it has produced some truly amusing and amazing characters.

It has a Mayor who is a former ballet dancer, who served in a foreign army and who threatens political enemies by sending them dead fish in the mail. It has 50 sleepy Alderman and 5, usually somnolent professional sports franchises

It has two Jesse Jacksons!

It has more potholes per capita than Nairobi, a creaky 1940s-era elevated train system and cops who get caught on videotape punching out bar maids and businessmen.

As we have since 2009, we are only going to report and comment on what actually happens in Chicago. To make up stuff this weird would tax our inventive capabilities to the limit (or at least as high as the, highest-in-the-nation, Cook County sales taxes.)

Meet The Editors

We're somewhere between Burkean conservatives and bomb throwing anarchists depending on the mood of the moment and the amount of restorative libation we have recently consumed.
But we're usually able to couch our maunderings in some pretty good journalistic prose.