-Sloth girl is back but at least we’re done with the gimmick, she’s now taken off the costume, and frankly, did herself a disservice by wearing the costume in the first place. Paradise is 5 months away from filming and they haven’t brought anyone in for interviews yet (that doesn’t happen til April), but I can guarantee you Sloth girl will be in Paradise. Count on it. This is just the type of first night girl they would bring on Paradise. Now granted, I think her nerves got the best of her when she started talking to Colton because all she did was reel off a bunch of stuff she liked. It was like when you ask a 5 year old what their favorite things are. Just don’t wear the suit down in Mexico Alex (except in your intro).

-It’s Catherine turn to be reeeeeal thirsty and do whatever producers tell her to do. She says she doesn’t feel like there’s much competition here which is “Bachelor” world means “I’m the villain because I’m gonna make myself seem better than everyone else.” Tracy interrupts her and yeah, that ain’t sittin’ well with Pinocchio the Catherine. She comes back and interrupts Tracy while she’s drawing on shoes with him (this is when Fleiss referred to Tracy as a ratings killer). Hey, maybe that’s why they orderedalloweddemandedforced politely maybe suggested ever so delicately for Catherine to head back there and interrupt. Call me crazy. Then she did it again with Onyeka. Then again with Caitlin. You kinda sense what’s happening here.

-Onyeka’s had enough at this point and pulls her aside to tell her it’s not a good look. They go back and forth seemingly disagreeing on every point, but then when they both get up to leave, they act like they just hashed that sh*t out. Apparently not since Catherine interrupts a conversation for a 4th time now stepping in on Tahzjuan’s conversation and yeah, Catherine, you make take your villain crown from Krystal as we speak. Enjoy it while it lasts for three episodes as you completely alienate yourself from the group for your antics. Wear it proudly. It’s only a matter of time before you have to pass it on to Demi anyway. But in your 3 episode stint, be sure to give as many self-absorbed ITM’s as you can so people can fully grasp how much you really went on the show for love & to find a husband and not for 310 shakes you’ll never drink.

-To get us past the enigma that is Catherine, lets move on to someone else. Cassie. The speech pathologist who may have filmed a reality show just weeks before leaving to film the “Bachelor” which will air online in February. That’ll be fun. But hey, while we’re at it, lets see her teaching Colt Dawg “You’re cute,” “Rose,” and “Kiss” in sign language. That’ll eat em’ up. Cassie is certainly knows what she’s doing and she’s doing it well. I’m sorry, but I can’t get over the fact that her ex’s name is Caelan and her new BFF from this show is Caelynn. What are the f***ing odds?

-Katie gets to kiss Dolton during her alone time with him bringing the number of first night kisses to two. Then he gives Hannah G. the first impression rose and kisses her bringing the total to three. Has anyone ever kissed three women on the first night? I don’t remember but that seems like a record. He says Hannah reminds him a lot of home and that’s a good thing I guess. For those that weren’t around months ago when I told you Hannah was on the show, just know she already had the largest IG following of any of the 30 women before they left for filming as she’s modeled for the popular Red Dress Boutique on IG (IG: shopreddress). Not to mention been in 3 country music videos:

So yeah, Hannah is one to watch out for and as I’ve said a couple times already in the spoiler podcast and the column, is probably the #1 contestant most alums will be after come Paradise if she doesn’t get the “Bachelorette” gig.

-Rose ceremony time. Wait, are we serious here? Did you all pay attention to Colton’s “speech” before the rose ceremony? “You all look so beautiful.” That was it. Didn’t throw in any “thanks for giving up your time to be here?” No mention of “You all are great in your own way. I wish I had more time to spend with all of you?” Geez. A five word toast. Thanks? Hannah G. is safe with a rose. Others receiving: Caelynn, Katie, Alex B., Hannah B., Onyeka, Caitlin, Annie, Kirpa, Heather, Elyse, Tayshia, Courtney, Cassie, Demi, Nina, Erika, Sydney, Bri, Angelique, and Tracy.

“Ladies, Colton, it’s the final rose tonight. When you’re ready. Did you see after 37 seasons and 16 years they finally gave me a three minute tribute? You guys are the best. Maybe for my retirement you’ll get a me a watch too.”

Catherine gets the last rose because of course she did. Anyone could see that coming miles away based on her edit night one.

So next week we have two group dates and a 1-on-1 for Hannah on her birthday. Best part? No more live shows until the finale when all hell is gonna break loose. Good. After last night’s freak show, I think it’ll be nice to have a little normalcy back in our lives when it comes to this show.

6 Comments

jlal

January 8, 2019 at 8:58 AM

I tried to watch last night, but just didn’t care enough. Flip back and forth between another show I like. I may wait until the final four to start watching again. Agree with RS, the first hour of crap was boring and totally unnecessary. Wondered about the Chris H. tribute too. Found the timing weird.

ctrealitygirl

January 8, 2019 at 9:46 AM

OMG! That had to be the most obnoxious episode of the Bachelor yet! When I aw that it was a 3-hour episode on the guide channel I wondered what they needed an extra hour for. I have to agree with Steve…all that fan screaming was awful, and SO unnecessary. I, too, had trouble following the show with all the interruptions, and finally gave up and went to bed and will attempt to watch the DVR taped version tonight. And, I have to say that the Bach alums who were “hosting” the live shows were quite annoying too – especially Blake and Jason. After watching them last night I wondered what I liked about Jason so much that I so wanted him to be named Bachelor. Could the two of them been more fake-excited about Colton??? To me they seemed to be trying too hard to convince us that they’ve gotten over not being chosen as Bachelor and over their “love” for Becca as well. Another observation: did anyone else take notice that during the segment with Bachelor kids that Sean & Catherine’s kids were not represented?? Isn’t Sean their poster boy?? I couldn’t help but wonder why they were left out. Very anxious for that 1-on-1 with Caelynn later in the season with the big reveal Chris Harrison keeps referring to.

joanne

January 8, 2019 at 11:28 AM

I didn’t watch any of it, but I can imagine how fake Jason and Blake were, pretending to be happy for Colton. Everyone who appears on this show milks it for all it is worth. I’m sure both will be on Paradise this summer.

So glad to have Steve’s blog for the recaps. I still love to read what happened but have no desire to actually watch it myself. I just may tune in for the ending though, if for no other reason than it really has not ended that way before.

adelina

January 8, 2019 at 3:25 PM

Thankfully I dvr this show because there was no way I could’ve made it through all of that drivel last night. They really are trying to milk the past contestants – between Kaitlyn, Jason, Blake, Ashley and Jared — the thirst is so real. I don’t think JoJo is as thirsty – so I purposely left her out. I guess I could say the same about Crystal and Goose, but heck, those two kids have grown on me. I think Jason and Kaitlyn are a perfect wannabe match made in heaven. Both think they are the most clever and cute.

It was cute to see the Bachelor babies. I didn’t need to see Ben. I also didn’t need to see a 50-something woman swoon over him like a school girl – that was an embarrassment. The Chris Harrison tribute was odd. Just odd.

I heard someone say that Colton looks like a grown baby. That is so true. He’s really no different than Nick Viall – both desperate for some type of fame but have zero in the personality department. Really just a couple of try hards.

I happened upon Bekah M.’s podcast giving a re-cap and I actually enjoyed it. She is brutally honest and I’m here for it. She’s clearly not trying to kiss anyone’s arse.

The only entertainment last night was the very predictable character of Catherine. She has clearly been cast for Paradise via Bach. She is so overly plumped and botoxed that she appears 46 rather than 26. My gosh girlfriend – too much.

nitejen

January 9, 2019 at 2:50 AM

I had to laugh Adelina when I read your comment because I was thinking the exact same thing on Catherine. These girls have some psych problems to even think they look good all pumped up and fake. She looked soo familiar to me and then I remembered. It was the 2004 movie with Hilary Duff, A Cinderella Story. Her step mom actress Jennifer Coolidge could be Catherine’s twin, you can google her and see what I mean. In the movie all she does is keep getting her face lifted and lips pumped she looks like a freak. It was an hilarious movie, And Catherine looks as old as that actress as well, a shame a woman in her 20’s looking all used up like that. As far as this train wreck premiere. Shows you how excited I was, I forgot it was even starting this past Monday, and I never forgot any premieres. I watched it on Hulu last nite and I’m glad I didn’t remember Monday. At least I was able to fast forward through all the wanna be stars.

screenname

January 10, 2019 at 2:50 AM

Not really surprised that they dragged the show out for 3 hours, this show is ~50% filler all the time anyway. They spend more time talking about what they’re gonna talk about and what they’re looking for and why they are there (spoiler: it’s to find love), than showing actual conversations. I honestly sometimes enjoy the “blooper” moments at the end of the episodes more than the actual show where you get to see normal conversations/people’s personalities. This show would be more entertaining if the didn’t only show the “love” conversations with cheesy background music, or the contrived drama between the villain of the season and the other women.