My Yiddeshe Tatte

"Israel their father said to them, '...Take
your brother and return to the man. And may Almighty G-d grant
you mercy....' " (43:11-14)

One of today's most offensive and inaccurate canards
must be the "Jewish Mother." The "Jewish Mother"
emasculates her offspring with suffocating affection, refusing
to sever the apron-strings that bind her brood. She wields emotional
blackmail with the accuracy of a surgeon's knife and the mercilessness
of a Machiavelli.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

The Talmud teaches us that someone who does the
mitzvah of lighting the lamps of Shabbat and Chanuka will have
children who are talmidei chachamim (Torah scholars).

What is the specific connection between lighting
lamps and being blessed with children who will be Torah scholars?

One of life's great temptations is to think that
we control events. "I got up at five every morning and that's
why I made a million." "I practiced 12 hours a day
and that's why I'm a concert violinist." Who do you think
gave you the strength and determination to get up early? Who
do you think gave you the gift of music? There are plenty of
people who get up at four-thirty who are still paying their mortgage.
There are plenty of Yehudi Menuhin wannabes who can't coax an
Irish jig out of a fiddle.

Even when we do a mitzvah, we think: It's me
doing the mitzvah. It's me putting on tefillin. It's me
making kiddush on Friday night. Me. I'm doing it, aren't I?

The mitzvah of lighting Chanuka lights isn't just
to light. The Chanuka menorah must also contain enough fuel to
stay lit for a half hour into the night. Although I might
feel that I'm the one lighting the candle, but I can't make
it stay lit. No amount of encouragement from the sidelines
will make that candle burn. No rooting, no cheer-leading will
keep it lit if the Master of Creation doesn't will it.

Shabbos candles, too, are meant to remain lit.
Without their light, someone might trip and fall. Lighting
the lamps is only part of the mitzvah. The lamps must
also give us pleasure and benefit; and for this, they need to
stay alight.

The lights of Shabbos and Chanuka help us realize
that we only start the process. The rest up to G-d.

Every parent hopes his children will grow to be
healthy, wise and upright, but we get no guarantee. We protect
our children as much as is reasonable, but we cannot lock them
in a padded room. All we can do is to kindle in them the spark.
The spark of loving G-d; of loving their fellow Jew. We cannot
complete the process. It's up to them - and to G-d. Eventually,
all we can do is stand on the sidelines with prayers and tears.

In this week's Parsha, Yaakov reluctantly allows
Binyamin to go to Egypt. There was no guarantee Binyamin would
return, yet Yaakov let him go. After doing everything reasonable,
Yaakov put his trust in G-d.

After lighting Shabbos candles Friday afternoon,
women customarily say a prayer which concludes: "Privilege
me to raise children and grandchildren who are wise and understanding,
who love G-d and fear G-d, people of truth, holy offspring, attached
to G-d, who illuminate the world with Torah and good deeds...Hear
my prayers at this time, in the merit of Sara, Rivka, Rachel and
Leah, our mothers, and cause our light to illuminate, that it
not be extinguished ever, and let Your Countenance shine..."

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