Sunday, March 23, 2014

Geico's Money Man: Petty Cash.

The estranged wife of famed Geico Spokesperson "Money Man" is in custody tonight, following a traffic stop during which police discovered her husband's severed penis in her vehicle's change drawer. An hour prior, her husband made a desperate 911 call, saying he had been attacked during a robbery committed by an unknown assailant who had stolen his penis. Police were skeptical of the story, asking why only Money Man's penis had been stolen, when twenty dollar bills could still be found jutting from his beard. Money Man insisted his penis was a foot-long stack of Kennedy half-dollar coins that must have been coveted by some deranged collector. This description proved to be a gross exaggeration that hampered detectives attempting to identify Money Man's real penis (see below), which was valued at a mere 48 cents. However, bankers were able to convince Money Man to identify his own penis by threatening to drop it into a Coinstar machine.