Saturday, December 10, 2011

It was an interesting year, full of movies, music, books, and video games that came and went. Some caught the attention of the mass public, while others slipped right by without even a second glance.

If you haven't noticed by now, the people here at Raptor Inc. are not like the others out there on the internet. We think differently, and have been doing so waaaay before Apple (put's on hipster glasses).

So, to celebrate a year that I thoroughly enjoyed, I have decided to start an awards ceremony!

THE FIRST EVER DARRIS 'FATSIES'!

Over the next week, I will be showing you what I consider to be some of the most interesting, important, or just plain entertaining forms of media we have been given this past year. This will cover a wide range of the spectrum; from theatrical films to internet productions, from DVD releases to direct download goodies, from novels to manga, and from musical albums to stand-up comedy releases.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow for the first awards ceremony, which will cover:

Saturday, October 15, 2011

THE PROLOGUE! (feel free to scroll down to the actual review)John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) is one of my favorite movies of all time. A team of American scientists trapped in the most desolate place on earth with a creature that is trying to kill and replicate them causing paranoia and terror to spread like herpes on Jersey Shore. The formula is perfect, the characters are believable and the creature effects set a standard for the movie industry.

When I learned that a prequel was in the works I got that:"excited/scared feeling. Like 98% excited, 2% scared. Or maybe it's more - It could be two - it could be 98% scared, 2% excited but that's what makes it so intense, it's so - confused. I can't really figure it out." -Oscar (Armageddon)I didn't want to set my sights too high and get stabbed in the back like Hollywood has a tendency to do but I allowed myself to hope. When I started reading articles talking about all the practical effects and the interior of the space ship I had a geekasm. The female role left me feeling dubious, but what the hell, WHY NOT?! It's gotta get pretty lonely out there in Antarctica, am I RIGHT LLLLLLADIES!? Nothing against female leads but in a movie such as this it's just a distraction. Anyway, I went to see the movie with my heart in my hands and hoping Universal would not snatch it from me and take a dump on it but instead cause it to erupt from terror and icky nasty alien glee.

MEH

THE REVIEW! (minor spoiler alert)The Thing (2011) is decent movie. It's not good, and it's not awful. It is a modern director's tribute to John Carpenter's classic that was very aware that it could never come close to the movie it was honoring; but tried anyway.

OVERVIEW: A team of Norwegian scientists tracking a mysterious signal find a space ship in the ice, they find a frozen alien nearby and get a hold of an American paleontologist (Winstead) with experience digging out ice age animals to come to Antarctica and dig up the ET. Once all the characters are assembled on top of the alien space ship, the first thing that becomes apparent is that there are no ugly women in Antarctica. All two of them.

They dig up the alien and bring it back to base and OH NO the main scientist guy turns out to be a dick and wants a tissue sample from the alien despite the protests by our friendly neighborhood American paleontologist hot chick and wouldn't you know it the alien gets thawed out and death ensues.

GOOD STUFF: The story keeps you interested through the end and it's a lot of fun if you're a fan of the 1982 film to see how the two films get tied together; the axe in the wall, the frozen body with it's throat cut, the creature that RJ and Doc find burnt in the ice outside of the camp are all there and explained. The ship is impressive and you get to go inside where a mad-crazy game of Tetris is going on (you'll see) and the base is faithfully recreated and the acting is pretty good.

The original original

BAD STUFF: The female lead is dubious and boring, not at all like the hard boiled RJ MacReady and her purpose seems to just be a place holder even though you're forced to spend most of your time with her instead of getting to know the other characters so when they die you don't really care because they are all place holders as well. Several scenes are brought right over from the 1982 flick which classifies it as a remake/prequel (remaquel, sounds Latin) only in less interesting ways. There are plot holes abound but you don't really notice them until the movie is over because it does keep you engaged to the end. There are some twists but the movie relies too much on shock scares to create the same level of paranoia in the original. Some characters make decisions that make no sense and it fails to explain how two men survive a helicopter crash with a massive alien on board with no fire. The creature itself also makes a lot of stupid decisions like NOT kill Winstead when it had several opportunities. OH, and if you like impaling than you have found your home! Impaling is EVERYWHERE! What is it with horror movies and impaling? Have you noticed that impaling is like the go-to for a death? And they're always through center of body mass, never through the face, or the side, or the hip, always through the sternum like they're SEAL team 6.

PRODUCTION: The creature effects are good if not great but become a little too reliant on CGI later on in the film which blows as the 1982 is so well known for it's practical effects; even the Norwegian helicopter is digital. Shaky cam is rampant, especially in a lot of the dialogue and if there's one trend I despise in Hollywood film making it's over used shaky cam. You don't feel like the characters are in Antarctica so much as on set; they don't get cold, in fact they don't even wear jackets a good bit of the time and run around outside like they're on vacation in Miami. For a place where the mean annual temperature is −57°C (−70°F) that's pretty ridiculous. To be fair the director had no idea what he was doing. He makes commercials. Considering this though, he did a good job for what he knew.

WANT

CONCLUSION: This movie is worth watching, but not a worthy installment to The Thing franchise. Think of it as a companion piece and nothing else. If you're looking a more satisfying accompaniment to John Carpenter's classic then I suggest the 2002 video game if you can find it.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I think everyone has the dream of doing what they love for a living. For those that can keep their heads straight and objective in sight a professional passion is an attainable goal if the dreamer has the talent and the drive. However I think most people are afflicted by the same plague that keeps me from seeing most of my grand schemes to fruition, the chronic vidjagametittiosis (legit).

Save the ta-tas

Losing focus on a project is an ailment that has afflicted me since I discovered video games and boobs. So, since second grade every time I set out on a project that takes longer than an afternoon to accomplish (Lego's, trapping lizards, climbing a tree) I tend to get sidetracked by the most basic of distractions, the two most common offenders being already mentioned.

semper gumby

When I start a project it is usually because I've been inspired by something, a movie, a book, a video game, a person, or just seeing something and going, "dammit, I can do better that that asshole." So I plan it out, I talk about it with my friends and maybe get a small support network going, tell people about it and start cranking out the framework and then maybe a week or so later, I just forget all about it. My vidjagametittiosis kicks in and I'll start playing a game or reading a book or pick up a weird hobby like wood burning or didgeridoos and get completely side tracked. All that planning, all that ground work is gone. If you know what I'm talking about by this point then hold on, because I may have some help for you that's better than anything prescribed by a prick in a lab coat.

That cure I was talking about? Oh, I lied I don't actually have one, that's what I'm talking about. But I do have a few ideas in mind which I will discuss... now.

Notice how it is blank.

1. Schedule - A routine is something that is tough to break. If you masturbate every night before you go to sleep for a week, chances are it's gonna be hard to break that routine, you may not even be able to sleep without doing it. I am aware that masturbation may not be the most common example of this but it's a human habit and it seems to work for what I'm getting at. The best time to set up a routing is first thing when you wake up in the morning and your brain has a chance to distract you from your goal or right when you go to sleep so you have a steady time slot available for whatever it is you are working on. This is all based on crap I've read but I know that it works because it's how I programmed myself to exercise 3 days a week. If I don't do it I go crazy, and if it works for flexing the gluts it's gotta work for a writing a novel. For further reading check out https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits.php

SUPPORT, GET IT?!

2. Support Network - A lot of professionals claim they never could have gotten where they are today without having a support network. Stephen King talks about it in his book On Writing and so does Robert Rodriguez in Rebel Without A Crew. Having a group of like minded individuals whom you can count on and share your passion is a huge plus to any project. "But Draco, what about the fine gentlemen of Raptor Inc.? How can you be so lazy when you have such an amazing team of professionals supporting you every step of the way?" you may ask. Well my answer to you is this: We're all lazy fat people on the inside if not on the outside. The fact that we have weekly meetings is a miracle. You should have seen the time we tried to make a video game LOL.

RAPE IS IMMINENT

3. Self Discipline - You can't do shit unless you force yourself to do it. Even if you feel awful and there is nothing you would like more than to NOT work on your project that day you HAVE TO. Why? Because if you don't you will start writing articles about growing complacent because you lost your pace. It's just like running a 10k, you have to find your rhythm and once you get it you have to keep it. You can't charge ahead and burn yourself out but you can't go so slow your 56 year old XO beats you (personal experience).

Working on the movie has taught me a lot about where I want to be in life and how I want to live it. So many people out there have found a way to make a living out of what they love, and a damn good one at that and I'll post some examples after I conclude this article. After 4 years of service in the Navy college is looming right around the corner. Do I focus on my passion and get an art based degree or do I play it safe and go for engineering and keep my loves on the side? Do I take a risk or cheat myself? I don't know. I know that 'starving artist' isn't a euphemism and I know that the economy is rough and if I can't even get off my ass to crank out and finish something that I know I love with all my heart, how am I going to convince others to take a trip through the worlds and with the characters I have created? Thus the dilemma.

Since we sample all types of treats in our lifetime, we gain some serious opinions on different kinds of candy, and their sub-groups. Some people, even the fat ones, don't like Twizzlers, but I sure as hell do. I think it's also a slight chemical attraction with Fat Guy's, because anything that tastes so good and yet says "low fat snack" on the package makes us think we are doing a good job.

Even though we could easily eat an entire packet as a mid-day snack. I'm talking the one pound bags, not those stupid 2.5 ounce bags. Waste of time.

Alright, lets take a moment to first talk about the Twizzlers I hate.

The original and worst flavor, liquorice.

Whoever invented this crap should be ashamed.

Chocolate Twizzlers... something about them just rub me the wrong way.

I mean, if you want chocolate, just get a chocolate bar, right? Right. Now, let's get onto the OK Twizzlers.

Not bad, a little waxy, but a good addition to the family.

The original, the classic. Quite nice, but can get a little boring after a while.

That's not a bad line-up of Twizzlers flavors. But...

Something is missing. Something amazing, something perfect. Could it be... the best Twizzlers flavor ever invented?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fat Guy's think a little differently than thin people, and here is Darris with the proof.

The obvious stereotype for fat people liking October boils down to two things:

1. Halloween Candy

2. Almost Thanksgiving

The first is simply a myth. Halloween candy might seem enticing, but as Fat Guy's, we have the money to buy candy whenever we want, even if it's not a holiday in which you eat candy! Also, ask any fat guy and they will tell you that those "Mini" candy bars are nothing but a tease.

On the second point, it does actually hold some merit. We fat guy's love overeating, but one thing we love more than overeating is overeating on days in which it is socially acceptable. Not only does October lead into November (Turkey, yummy), but November leads into December! (Ham, yummy)

Want to know what actually pops into a Fat Guy's head when October rolls around?

Easy. Boo Berry and Franken Berry.

These awesome cereal treats are almost always limited to being sold in October, and have made a successfully comeback to the cereal world after they died out in the 80's and early 90's.

What's Franken Berry and Boo Berry? Ever have Count Chocula? Just take the chocolate flavored crunchy bit's and replace them with either strawberry or blueberry flavored bits!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

GRAPHICS/LOOKS:BLOOD EVERYWHERE! The game looks very well, the textures are well done in terms of base and details, such as distress or blood. They aren't the best in the world, but definitely on the "Gears of War" level. The blood sometimes looks more like splattered jam and some bits of the environment need some work but you are normally moving to fast to see this. One bit that disappointed me is that there are only four execution animations for each melee weapon, and each strong enemy (Daemon, Nob) only has one execution per weapon (The Chaos Marine has two).8/10

GAMEPLAY:HOLY SHIT, I'M A MARINE IN SPACE! The gameplay is what really sells this. It seamlessly goes from a hack'n'slash to a shooter, depending on your play style. It is very anti-cover, with the mantra, "YOU ARE A SPACE MARINE. MAN UP AND TAKE IT." The melee combat is extraordinarily well done. One minute, I'll find myself rushing headfirst into a mob of Orks, shouldering three out of the way before flailing my chainsword about and stomping, sending greenskins flying whilst blood is filling the air. The next minute, I have a thunder hammer and a jump pack, rocketing down from thirty feet, landing in the center of a horde of renegades, flinging the back and crushing those underfoot before smashing faces in. Along with your standard attacks are stuns and executions. Each weapon has its own unique stuns and executions, and some enemies do as well. There are four stuns per weapon (Backhand/Smack with weapon, Kick, Shoulder Charge, and AoE Stomp/Smash) and four executions that all blend well into the game. Each weapon has its own attacks and style.10/10

SOUND:EVERYONE IS BRITISH! Seriously, the Guardmen are all general Brits, Orks are Cockney, Inquisition is Posh, Space Marines are a mixed bag of British, and Chaos are soft British. I enjoy it though, and damn do Orks scream a lot when hacked in two with an axe. As for weapon sounds, yep, that's what I'd expect them to sound like. The game has its own general epic soundtrack that is normally drowned out by chainsaws and death cries.8/10MULTIPLAYER:At the time of this review, I did not get to play multiplayer because the servers were fucked. I have no say on this.?/10

OVERALL:The game was incredibly fun to play through and I would love to see more. Next time, I just hope it will star a Chapter with character, unlike the Ultramarines. They are rather boring. (WOO! DARK ANGELS!). Until next time folks. See you on the battlefield.9/10

Tune in next time for my enlightening review of DARK SOULS!Prepare To Die

Thursday, September 22, 2011

When it comes to getting to know a new person, an easy way to see what kind of person they are is to see what type of humor that person is adept to. A simple way to see what kind of comedy a person is into can be established on asking a few basic questions.

Something like "Who's your favorite Comedian?" is an easy way to judge someone's standing on offensive material or sensibilities in everyday life and can make chat on other topics easy to work around.

One thing I like to ask people is "Ever heard of Mystery Science Theater 3000?"

If you've never heard of MST3K, then I would be the kind of person to ask you to correct this, as I felt as if it was a landmark success on what could be achieved with a little know how and a very, very small budget.

The shows format was very simple, yet amazingly original. Starting out in a small television station in the middle of Minnesota, all the creators of the show would do is take old movies that the station was licensed to show on the station anyway, but make fun of the movie while it was playing.

The silhouette of the riffers can be seen as they comment on the film in MST3K

Quickly gaining a cult following in 1988, the show was soon picked up by The Comedy Channel, then Comedy Central, and finally the Sci-Fi Channel before it's cancellation in 1999. About half-way through the shows history, the original creator Joel Hodgson left the show, leaving the main character spot open. Mike Nelson, head writer at the time, filled in for Joel and stared in his place through out the remainder of the series.

After the series conclusion Mike, Kevin Murphy (who played Tom Servo on MST3K), and Bill Corbett (who played Crow T. Robot on MST3K) started doing a small series called The Film Crew, which had a similar set-up that MST3K had.

After the short run of Film Crew titles, some of us faithful fans had near given up hope that something bigger and better than both Mystery Science Theater and The Film Crew would come along...

That's when the RiffTrax uprising happened. Started with the same partnering the had from The Film Crew with "Legend Films", Mike Nelson started doing a slew of solo riffs on film's that were not typical of the old fashion. The Fifth Element? xXx? Were they actually riffing... NEW MOVIES?!?

Indeed they were. The way RiffTrax works is a simple yet amazing formula. They don't sell you the full movie, they sell you the riffs for movies you already own! Not only did riffs come in the form of "Planet 9 from Outer Space" or "Reefer Madness", but also came in the form of "The Dark Knight" and "Twilight". It was, and still is, an amazing thing to see, hear, and experience.

Mike Nelson did quite a few of these riffs on his own, but as it became more and more popular, the demand for Kevin and Bill to return grew with it, and with their return came an out pour of MST3K fan's rushing to buy the riffs for their movie collections. Suddenly that old copy of Jaws could be enjoyed with a new outlook. Harry Potter movies could be tolerated by people who hate Harry Potter thanks to RiffTrax!

Where as fan's were giving them support, so were fan's of a higher stage. Guest riffers would join them and aid them in tearing movies to bits. "Weird Al" Yankovic (Jurassic Park), Joel McHale (Red Dawn), Fred Willard (Missile to the Moon), and Neil Patrick Harris (Willy Wonka) just to name a few.

Besides riffing movies you own on DVD, RiffTrax also does Shorts. Small public service videos, educational programs, and other public domain tidbits that have been tucked away by the folds of time, brought back out into the daylight thanks to the RiffTrax team.

With the popular rise of RiffTrax, then came RiffTrax Live!, a series of theater events in which Mike, Kevin and Bill would get together in front of a live audience and beam the resulting show into hundreds of theaters nationwide in a large, live riffing spectacle! I've been lucky enough to attend each of their live shows, and every time I walked away more and more impressed at the effort and talents from the RiffTrax team.

I own a small collection of their live shows, shorts, riffs, as well as many of their downloaded riffs and shorts. You can see what they have to offer, and how the service works by going to the site: www.rifftrax.com

My RiffTrax DVD collection

I never though it could get better than Mystery Science Theater 3000. Now I'm glad I was wrong.

After a long break, we four fine folks are ready to get back to weekly updates.

Since the break we have been gaming, planning, and discussing the future of our current Raptor Inc. projects. I've recently bought Gears of War 3 and White Knight Chronicles 2, so I've been busy playing games on and off while working. Frankie has moved back to the states from Hawaii and has been working on the production of the movie we are planning on shooting soon.

Who knows what the hell Ryan or Dillon are up to, maybe they could make their own posts to explain that (fat chance).

But for sure, stay tuned for more posts, more comics, and more reviews!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

It's been a while since I posted a regular update of the things and doings of Raptor Inc. and it's not because we haven't been doing anything it's just that I haven't told any of you nonexistant people about our doings. As it were.

Movie News: I Got This is going to be a challenge but it's the biggest project we have ever tackled and it's going to be a lot of fun. Nothing but positive reviews for the script and production schedules have been made, still got some phone calls to make of course but production should move forward as scheduled at the end of this year.

Tourney News: All serious practice has been cancelled until we can make this movie. Expect to see comics and shite still being posted around but nothing too ambitious as we are going balls in to this flick.

Office News: A little bit more progress has been made to a (possible) physical address to our main office. I won't go into details but it's looking awesome.

What is Raptor Inc.? I still don't know but I ask myself that sometimes and the closest thing I can think of is a production company at the moment. Like all other things, I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Just finished F.3.A.R. and I though I would give a few impressions on my play-through, sort of as a little bit of a review, as well as an overview of a series I've had a love-hate relationship with.

I've always been a fan of F.E.A.R. I though the first game in the series was quite original, exciting, and best of all, scary. I love a video game that freaks the hell out of me, almost to the point where I don't want to play it, or have to pause for a moment. The first F.E.A.R. in this respect was a success. For all of it's flaws (wonky AI, poor level design), I found it to be a fantastic game.

In F.E.A.R. you play as the Point Man for the F.E.A.R. (First Encounter Assault Recon, if you were wondering). At the beginning of the game you find your target, Paxton Fettel, a blood-sucking telepathic loony. Your mission is to kill said loony. But while in pursuit of Fettel, Point Man begins encountering strange paranormal events, some of which come near to killing him. He starts hallucinating about a small girl in a red dress, Alma.

Plot of the first game aside, as I don't really want to spoil the ending for people who have yet to play it, another thing I wanted to talk about in the first game was the mechanics. As a shooter, it is quite solid, maybe a little finicky at times. The one aspect that made the shooting from becoming too repetitious was an ability that would allow you to slow down time, giving you a much needed boost, as some of the battles are quite overwhelming (on purpose. After all, this ability helps a lot) Overall the games engine was a bit of an achievement for its time.

F.E.A.R. 2 is where my faith wavered. From a technical standpoint, the second game hits all the right marks. The controls are improved and easier to use, the levels are better designed (although could still be a tad repetitious), and the bullet-time mechanics worked better than ever in making the game fun and fast paced.

But the two major flaws for me, personally, were the story and the scares.

The story takes place about thirty minutes before the ending of the first F.E.A.R. game. You play as an operator for Delta Force in the game, named Michael Becket. Right at the start of the game he starts to experience hallucinations about the little girl Alma, along with a city in ruins. The game actually does a good job of getting you in the mood right off the bat, but fails to keep you in the mood in between the action sequences.

Not giving to much away in the story, Becket becomes deeply entwined with the hallucinations and Alma, with most of the game you are trying to stop a process that would create solders with powers similar to that of Fettel's. The story does take several different twists and turns along the way, but I unfortunately found it a bit predictable.

As I stated before, I also didn't find F.E.A.R. 2 that scary. There were only about 3 really good scares throughout the entire game, while the rest of the scares were one where they would just try to "jump" scare you. The scares I did enjoy, though were interesting, and original.

One scared I really enjoyed was this: One thing that happened quite a bit in the first game was you would be walking, hear something, turn around, and Alma would be there. It was quite scary, as you could never tell when it would happen. Well, in the second game I remember walking and hearing something behind me. I prepared myself and turned around, but there was nothing behind me. As I turned back around to keep going SHE WAS IN FRONT OF ME! I though that was quite well done. So, finally, on to F.E.A.R. 3. Overall, I liked it. I found the story actually quite an improvement over the last game, and also the shooting mechanics have had a serious upgrade. For some reason the shooting felt so much better when compared to the older games, almost as if it was a different series all together! On slight issue with the gameplay is a clunky cover mode, which works well sometimes, but can be frustrating at others.

On big draw to the game is the fact that you can play Co-Op, and trust me BY ALL MEANS, PLAY CO-OP! I just beat the game single player and really, really wish I could go back and play through my first time in Co-Op, as it adds quite a bit to the game and the play-through. Also, the game is just as hard as the other games on the hardest difficulty, so having a friend will make the play-through that much more fun.

But here is the problem... ITS NOT SCARY GRRRRRRRR..... I swear nothing at all made me jump even a little! Maybe I'm a bit desensitized, but I don't think that's the case as Resident Evil 2 can still scare me.

I though it was a good game, with quite a lot to do and pack in, but not even as scary as F.E.A.R. 2, which is saying something. If you want a solid shooter or like the story of the series, by all means, try this game (especially if your craving some local co-op).