Tracking my journey to better health

Hangriness abounds February 28, 2009

Friday, oh Friday, why did you tease me with your lack of hunger until now? After getting home from my workout I’ve been hungry…and two little snacks can’t seem to make it go away! I just need to plug it at this point.

The day started off a little later, and I ate my breakfast at home, outside actually while playing with Lily 🙂 I totally forgot to prep my oats last night, and was sad when I remembered this morning. I opted to have shredded wheat with a whole banana and almond milk, and quite enjoyed it while standing outside on this brisk, sunny, clear morning.

After dropping Lily off at my mom’s I proceeded to Starbucks for my Friday coffee fix. The office uses Folgers to make coffee on Fridays, and I just about gag thinking about how gross it tastes. Today I forgot my own cup, and decided I could scour the store for one on clearance and treat myself to a new one. I found a really pretty red, sparkly mug and filled it with a skinny vanilla latte. Yay!

My day at the office was busy! But not that productive 😦 Whatevs. At some point I had my light lunch of: sando with one slice ww bread, one slice turkey, and green leaf lettuce; a Fuji; and some grapes.

My afternoon was really busy, too, and I kinda forgot to snack because of it. By the time we left to head to Si Senor to meet my mom I was getting pretty hungry.

Tonight I felt like having something different…that’s one thing about visiting Mexican restaurants 3 times a week while trying not to spend too much or eat poorly–I get kinda bored of the selection at times. I opted to split a chicken quesadilla with my mom, had a whole giant Diet Coke, and of course chips & salsa.

I at the two pieces on the right with jalapenos, avocado, and that sour cream smeared on top (!), and felt satisfied and a little full.

My ass was dragging a bit when I got home. Maybe a little emotionally tired and weighed down from my richer-than-normal meal? I didn’t want to skip the gym, tho, so I changed and headed out.

I had to get my blood flowing a bit when I got there, so I warmed up on the treadmill for 5 minutes. My ass was still dragging pretty bad, but I managed to bang out a decent weight session. Then I headed down to the cardio zone for 30 minutes on the elliptical, followed by 15 minutes on the stair mill. Somehow all of that wasn’t too hard, and I rather like doing 15 minutes on the mill as the last bit of my cardio.

After I got home and cleaned up I tried on (brace yourselves) bikini swimsuits!! Holy shit, it didn’t go too badly either. I felt okay about what I look like in the two I tried on, and do feel like I look better than last year, and a lot better than this summer, when I last wore one.

Hanger kind of took over after that, but I felt like I’d consumed enough cals for the day so I had half of a Luna Iced Raisin Oatmeal bar warmed in the microwave.

Uh, yeah, that didn’t cut it. Reading the Trader Joe’s circular probably didn’t help either, as it seemed like an especially tasty issue. So I prepped my oats for the morning and dressed a fig with 1/2 a tbsp of Maranatha. That helped, but I still feel a little hungry…in fact, a bit hangry. The anger here comes from not feeling satisfied, and from looking at all this yummy food and not being able to eat it (um, feta tapennade?! sign me up!).

And now…a fitness progress update

I think I’ve lost about 12-15 pounds now on my quest to be fit!!! I am amazed, actually, and kind of don’t believe it at times. I think I’m around 140-143 now 🙂 Better than that, though, I’m smaller, feel leaner and tighter, and am still motivated and plugging away to lose the last 5-10 lbs. Since I tackled the bikini tonight I’ll have to check out some other clothes, esp. since the vaca is just over two weeks away!!!

Do you keep clothes that are too small in the hopes that you can fit back into them one day? I know I have over the last 2-3 years, and I’m glad I did. I can understand getting rid of clothes that are way too small or too big, but when you’re overweight it is really sad to get rid of the “ideal” clothes just b/c your ass is too big to fit them currently.

When I was skinny 4-5 years ago I got rid of all of my bigger clothes, so when I gained weight over the last 2-3 years I was forced to wear just one small part of my wardrobe. I’m really looking forward to fitting into a cute dark, slim pair of jeans I used to wear. When I fit into those I think I’ll feel like I’ve conquered the world 🙂

I don’t want to sound crazy or obsessed with being skinny; I hope you don’t think I am. I guess I remember what I felt like 4-5 years ago (confident, fit, empowered, pretty, sexy) and I want to have that again. Is being thin addictive? Is that how we venture into unhealthy territory with our eating, body image, and exercise? I know it is kind of sad that many of us include being thin in part of our definition of ideal, but I suppose being thinner and fitter is kind of a secondary thing to the primary goal of feeling better about myself. What do you think?

Tomorrow is going to be busy, so I’m heading to bed to get my zzz’s. Send Andrea well wishes on her race tomorrow! I can’t wait to hear how she and her daddy do!! Good luck, girl, go get em’ 😉

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One Response to “Hangriness abounds”

I kept some small clothes for awhile, but then they just started making me feel bad so I got rid of them. They were a size that is probably only attainable under extreme stress and moderate sadness … not something I want again. 😀