Just a few days left of 2017; time to do a final bit of soul-searching!

What were your adult relationships like this year? Were they a healthy meeting of minds; a set of equal partnerships? Or did you fear what others were saying about you? Did you feel judged? Were you a doormat?

If you want people to treat you differently, first you have to show them how you should be treated. Start by looking inward. Healthy relationships start with you being whole and valuing your worth. You need to realise your value and start to treat yourself differently before you can show the world you’re worth it.

I’ve been there. It’s hard. But I’m here to show you that it is absolutely possible. Come follow me and let’s be awesome together in 2018!

Last week I was on the night shift at Radcliffe House, University of Warwick, as part of a work shadowing arrangement. Radcliffe’s recently undergone a big refurb and I love the new decor. Recognise any of these delegate archetypes?

Warwick Conferences has been kind enough to let me come on board for a while so that I can find out what goes on behind the scenes at their award-winning training and conference centres. I’ve only been with them for two shifts so far but have already learnt loads from their fantastic staff about ensuring a fabulous customer experience.

I’ve been consciously setting out to embrace new learning experiences for some time now and getting insight into the hospitality industry is all about preparation for my longer-term dream for Quiet Space – a transformative retreat in the Warwickshire countryside, for when life gets a bit too much and you need some help with regaining headspace, peace and balance.

The vision? The Quiet Space would offer coaching as a core part of its transformative experience, alongside yoga and meditation, guided walks and runs, great food, and spaces designed to soothe the soul and mind, with music, a beautiful library, and a creative studio. Things are, of course, going to evolve over the next few years as I continue to learn and grow. I wonder what it will look like when I get there?

What are your long-term goals, and how are you laying the foundations now for realising those future dreams?

Tonight’s photo is a throwback to York Minster in 2000. I was at University and at the weekend we’d decided to visit the cathedral. I remember the day clearly, standing there in the middle of so much history, craftsmanship, faith and dedication.

Today, it’s making me think about the kind of legacy we leave. Often this brings to mind some sort of physical legacy, but much more importantly than that it’s about who we are and how we continue to touch people’s lives after we’re gone.

Some questions for you:
1) What matters to you and what kind of legacy do you want to create?

2) What do you want to be remembered for?

3) What are you doing, each and every day, to build that legacy?

4) What might you need to help you build your legacy? And how could you get it?

I confess to having fallen prey to some Instagram envy yesterday. I was having a bit of a nose around the way other people live and came across the account of someone I know from a previous life (and who therefore isn’t some virtual person on the other side of the world). She has a gorgeous Instagram feed – everything is incredibly stylish, impeccably curated and impossibly glamorous. How does she do that?

And then I got to thinking. I remembered that it’s me who chooses what I spend my time on. It’s easy to get your head turned by the beautiful and unfamiliar, but it doesn’t mean that it’s something that you should aspire to.

So I asked myself a few questions. What do I value? What are my goals? Do I really want what she has? Someone else’s gilded life doesn’t mean that mine pales in comparison, because success is measured in lots of different ways and by relative means.

Comparisons are often a recipe for dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Rather than envying what it looks like someone else has or feeling inadequate, take a look within. What’s at the root of your emotions? What is it that you actually want?

Are you making the most of what life has to give? Or are you putting off what you really want to do, blaming your fears or the suffocation of the daily grind?

Life is all about the choices we make. We always have a choice – opting for one thing over another, or deciding how to respond to what life throws at us.

This shot is from the Spring Wolf Run in April 2016 – one of my bucket list experiences that I dived into during crisis point. I was hypothermic by this stage in the race and was having to skip the freezing water obstacles (ended up in the med tent to get my temperature back up from 34 C) – but I wasn’t missing the 100-metre mud slide!

If you’ve been wanting to make changes in your life, or life is telling you that you need to, NOW is the time. You don’t have to start with a big bang. That something that’s going to change your life? It starts with small steps, reawakening yourself with new experiences, being kind to yourself and then going out there and absolutely killing it, because you are amazing.

One question that often prompts a very enlightening discussion during my coaching sessions is “what’s stopping you?”

A great number of the barriers that hold us back from achieving our goals and dreams are in fact self-constructed.

Perhaps you don’t know where or how to start. You can’t see the woods for the trees, and become overwhelmed by how daunting everything looks. Perhaps you worry about making the wrong decision. Is this what I really want? What if it isn’t the right thing to do? What if I hate it? Perhaps you then over-analyse, exhaustively weighing pros and cons, and end up paralysed by all your options. Perhaps you’re scared of moving out of your comfort zone, and everything looks like a reason not to. It’s not the right time. It’s too risky. Maybe when I win the lottery.

The truth is, there isn’t one right road. There will always be reasons not to. And waiting for everything to fall into place can end up being a very long wait indeed.

You may have heard the saying ‘there’s no such thing as a wrong decision’. You see, how a decision pans out is dependent on a whole range of factors that aren’t necessarily within your control. Selecting the ‘right’ road or taking the ‘correct’ action doesn’t guarantee success. And the converse is also true – making the ‘wrong’ choice doesn’t mean that you’ve set yourself on the path to disappointment. Your action now does not dictate the rest of your life. It’s what you do after you set yourself on any particular path that matters.

If you place too much weight on making the ‘right’ choice, it’s very easy to end up becoming overwhelmed, getting decision paralysis, and stopping before you even start, waiting for something to change your life.

On the other hand, you can take control. Tune into your heart and gut to discover what motivates you and the things that really make you tick. Big goals can be difficult to digest, so think about micro-resolutions – any kind of definitive action, no matter how small. Start moving. Your dream isn’t going to come to you fully formed; it’s going to grow and evolve with every new experience that you have, because it’s your journey that shapes the destination.

Decisions are just decisions. Stop worrying about making the right decision and focus instead on how you’re going to make a decision the right one for you.

This is me and my running buddy, Maria, on one of our favourite routes. We started running together in January 2016 and have since shared rather a lot of miles, not to mention laughs, tears, and confidences. We’ve compared bruises; talked about kung fu and rugby, religion, politics, relationships and much more; and supported each other through a mental health crisis, relationship problems and work woes. She is an amazing woman and mother whom I am very fortunate to be able to call a friend.

These photos were taken today on a gorgeous run, during which we talked about Gavin and Stacey and British Bake-Off, David Tennant’s red silk pants in Don Juan in Soho, Adrian Scarborough and Noel Fielding (although no one could actually remember his name), and also had a couple of rather exhilarating sprints.

Running’s been there in the times when things weren’t quite as jolly, too. Logging the miles, along with the supportive companionship, helped me stay sane and get the necessary headspace to deal with what life was throwing my way.

This is why I like to take my coaching clients outdoors for some of our sessions. Quiet Space’s Coaching on the Run programme brings a different dimension to the coaching process. The natural environment, distance from the stress of home or the workplace, physical exertion, more headspace – the combination can have a cathartic effect that can be a real kickstarter for coaching. Drop me an email at enquiries@quietspacecoaching.co.uk to find out more.

You don’t need to think of yourself as a ‘runner’ to reap the benefits that the outdoors can have for mental health and wellbeing – you can do any combination of walking, jogging or running and it doesn’t matter how slow or fast you go. A mile is a mile, and you’ve got this.

I’ve been thinking about self-care. The course of 2015/16 for me was a year of crisis, during which I learnt how vital it is to be nice to yourself. Everyone’s needs are different, but I thought I’d share some of the things that helped me recover my sanity and wellbeing.

1) Running and spending time outdoors
2) Singing in a choir
3) Leaving work in the office
4) Seeking out new experiences
5) Listening to lots of new music
6) Giving and getting hugs (and flowers!)
7) Not taking things personally
8) Knowing when to say no
9) Making micro-resolutions
10) And remembering:
– Not everything has to be excellent
– No one has everything sorted out
– Sometimes it’s all just stuff.