I Kid Because I Care

Friday, November 28, 2008

The Feeling Is Not Mutual

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Giving it Straight

Meet Burt Barlowe, Fan 590’s drive time DJ! He’s got an attitude, and he’s not afraid to use it!

Caller: Hey Burt, I was wondering what you thought about Kaberle last night? Seems to me he ran out of steam after that hit from-Burt: Kaberle? Kaberle? Listen to me, you mincing little queer – if you want to talk about Kaberle why don’t you go down to the bathhouse and chat with the other princesses? I hear your thousandth visit is free.Burt Barlowe! With 22 years experience in the sports talk world, he won’t pull any punches!

Caller: How about that Stempniak trade? What the hell is Fletcher thinking?Burt: Well Fletcher’s probably thinking about that blow job you didn’t pay him for last night, you cum-guzzling cock muncher. What’s the matter, footlong Italians too expensive at Subway this week? Get the Christ off my radio show!Burt Barlowe! He wears sunglasses indoors so you don’t have to!

Caller: I just think it’s great Walter Gretzky got the Order of Canada. He’s an icon, and a true-Burt: Hey, if anyone cared what you thought, you’d have your own radio show and I’d be the one masturbating to memories of handjobs I got in the 80s. Go suck your own dad’s dick. Again.After three failed marriages and a host of unloved children spread across at least six women, Burt knows how to roll with the punches!

Caller: Speaking as an Asian-Canadian, I think the comments you made to that last caller were beyond the pale.Burt: Listen bitch, why don’t you put down the chopsticks, crawl inside your own cunt and eat your afterbirth?Burt’s seen it all, and to meet his alimony payments he’ll sit in a tiny booth every weekday from 3 to 6 answering your calls!

Burt: Hey, thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule of wanking into your mom’s panties to call in.Caller: What? I just wanted to know if you thought the Bombers were going to be hot this year…Burt: You feckless little child molester. Go rape your common-law “wife’s” son.