Why Race?

I spent my first 6 years as a runner having not run even one organized race. Okay fine, a good portion of these years were spent either pregnant (and not running) or with my palms glued to a jogging stroller. For those years, I was just lucky to get out for a 2 mile run/walk, where I only had to give out 3 snacks each to get through the 30 minutes. But still, that does seem like a long time spent just enjoying running for the sake of it without considering “competition.”

Competition is in quotes because, really, for those of us who run as a hobby, we are creating that competition. That doesn’t mean it’s not real, it just means we are signing up for it for various personal reasons. We have nothing to gain, except an experience and hopefully, a feeling of accomplishment.

I can’t begin to guess ALL of the reasons that runners decide to race, and continue to race and compete against the runner they once were. Hmm, I suppose I just touched on one of the reasons that I continue to race. While I can’t speak directly to another person’s experience, in this post I’m going to answer this question for myself, and also look at how the relationship between running and racing has changed over time for me as a runner.

Before I raced

Before I ever ran a race I didn’t even consider myself a runner. I started running consistently, 5-6 days a week for 3-4 miles at a time, at age 23. I didn’t think or care to sign up for a race because I just enjoyed running alone in the dark before work. It was the time I got the most thinking/reflecting done and I cherished it for what it was.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter not even a year later, I stopped running completely because it never felt “right” to run while pregnant. It turned out I had complications that led to early labor and hospital bedrest at 30 weeks, and, my daughter was born early at 34 weeks. In retrospect, I think I sensed things weren’t right the entire time which definitely led to less activity the the whole pregnancy.

I didn’t run at all after she was born. I was working full time and nursing/pumping, and fitness completely fell off. My IBS was terrible and I was thinner, weaker, and more stressed out/anxious than ever in my life.

I wound up getting pregnant with my second that same year, and this time I knew in advance I would need to completely restrict activity due to the same pregnancy complications (a weak/incompetent cervix.) After my second daughter was born, I invested in my first double jogger and began to go for run/walks with my two girls when the younger one was about 7 months and we had moved to the suburbs. I became very consistent again with stroller runs about 4 times per week over several months. No racing on my mind, I just ran to get some air, feel “fit” again and get through my day feeling more optimistic and more “complete.” I realized during this time how much I had missed running.

Yup, there’s a third pregnancy! And once again I didn’t run due to being high risk (not sure I would have run if I had been “allowed” to anyway.) This time though, I started running again consistently when my son was 3 months old. It was all with either a single or double jogging stroller and I didn’t think about racing for a solid year.

How the Change Happened

Part of the reason I didn’t think about racing that year was that I was content with my running as it was. I didn’t time myself, did a rough estimation of the distance covered (which was still 3-4 miles at a time) and was just happy to be fit enough to feel good while running. The mood boost was much needed as I adjusted to having 3 kids. Running was my medicine at that point, not my “drug.” It was part of my routine, it made me happy, felt good, and was a manageable activity with easy access: get the baby/kids ready and run out the door.

But I started listening and hearing things. People talking about signing up for races.

The other part of the reason I didn’t think to race reared its head: I didn’t think I was “good enough” to run a race. Since I only ran solo, I had no idea how I compared to anyone else, speed wise, and that scared me and deterred me from signing up.

Until I decided to test it out and see what the hype was all about in the summer of 2012.

I signed up for a local 5k by myself and I was scared to death at the start line. I hadn’t eaten anything beforehand since I wanted my stomach to behave, it was about 75-80 degrees and I felt lightheaded as we all started running. Next to me was a coach yelling (screaming) at his team to “break 20” and I was horrified. No. To be completely honest I was on the brink of a panic attack a half mile in. To say I was completely out of my comfort zone is quite an understatement!

The words that rang through my head as I started to panic were “You’re a runner. You run every day. Your body knows what to do. Your body does this. Let your body do this.” I repeated those words to myself until the anxiety melted and I did what I had been doing for years: I ran 3 freaking miles.

My time was not particularly impressive given the heat, but I felt completely different after finishing that race. I wanted more of the same, I wanted to feel that post-race high again, and again. Running was not just medicine anymore, it was becoming a drug.

10k PR to date (44:42) just 2 months after my first race ever

After that, I signed up for 2 10ks, a 15k, and two half marathons, all within the next 6 months. Racing had a meaning for me now that changed my approach to running. It wasn’t just to relax, or to get through my day. It was to assert my independence and an identity for myself after having 3 children over the course of my 20s. It was to compete with myself and others. It was to have SOMETHING that not only felt good, but that I felt I was good at. It was about confidence, facing fears, pushing perceived limits and crushing self doubt.

In short, running races became about “coming out” and becoming who I had been all along, in private.

The “why” of racing has changed for me since my first marathon. I saw the dark side of being so competitive and wanting so badly to be “the best” and do more when I dealt with my first injury from Sept-December 2013. Once I recovered, I developed a desire to run healthy and happy more than anything else, and it was reflected in how I raced.

Running the Boston Marathon in April 2014 taught me about the OTHER side of racing I hadn’t paid attention to before – The energy from the crowd, the course, the atmosphere, the experience itself apart from pace and finish time. I signed up for races that I knew would not be PRs, moving closer back to that initial feeling of accomplishment just from pushing myself and finishing.

This story doesn’t have an ending really, since after running Philly in November my attitude toward racing is shifting again. I came out of that race feeling not here nor there, since I didn’t PR yet I felt I gained back all of the fitness I had lost while being injured. I believe that now is a time when I will have to begin to answer the question “why race?” for myself before I sign up for anything later in the spring. It’s an issue of meaning over motivation, although I think these two really go hand in hand.

I know one thing: I’ll never approach racing the way I did when it was new, and although that might mean no new PRs, it’s probably the healthiest thing for me. I spent a long time being happy as a non-racing runner, and while I don’t think I’ll be going back to that completely, the days of “needing” to race are over. Where this new chapter in my running life will lead? I have no idea right now!

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About Michele

More than a little into running and paleo recipes (yoga now too!) but I'm not here to rain on your grains (or anything else) so come along for the ride! I do a little too much of everything (except cleaning), and I enjoy laughing at myself. As long as I'm the one making the jokes, that is. Just kidding. So bring me your angst, your appetite and your frying pan and climb aboard!

Reader Interactions

Reader Reviews & Comments

Thought provoking post! I never stopped to ask myself why. I started out doing a 5k & after I just had to do a half. I think it was to prove to myself I could do it. Maybe part of why I race is to prove the doctor wrong who told me 15 yrs ago I wouldn’t walk after a femur injury in college. I think about what you told me every time I cross a finish line. I wouldn’t say that’s my motivation for racing. Something to think about for sure!

I don’t run a lot of races but in the fall of 2013, I just didn’t feel like racing at all. I pulled out of a 10k and a half marathon because I wasn’t in the mood. I kept running though because I love running and that didn’t go away. I just felt like, if I don’t currently feel like preparing, driving to the race, running it and going home, why should I do it? I knew eventually that feeling would pass and it did but most of the time, I am just happy to run, not train for a race.

I think that’s a pretty good attitude toward it! I am definitely going to have to push myself to do the half on the 25th, but I have a feeling I’ll feel great afterwards knowing I pushed myself, whatever happens. I can definitely enjoy running without a lot of racing though.

I ran for a few years without racing, and I think that as I started racing that is what shifted my mindset from running as exercises to running to race or being a “runner”. Since recovering from my surgery in 2010 I feel like I am always thinking about a future race, but now I am also trying to allow myself to run races for fun. I definitely agree that we don’t always need to be racing and even recently I have gone back and forth about what I want to do. But I know that when spring comes and I hear about everyone else racing again I will want to get out there myself! I think this year may also do more last minute, smaller races to put less pressure on myself, but we’ll see!

After reading your post today I was thinking more about what races I want to do this year. I definitely want to choose ones that I think will be quality experiences over just courses that might lead to a PR! Last minute races is another good option to get rid of some of that pressure building up to a race.

I started racing because it was one of those things that you did when you were a 4th year at UVA–kind of a right of passage to take part in at least one of the races. I had started running regularly by then, and was ready to push myself. And then I realized that I was actually pretty decent. Then I entered a race on the premise that it was a little further, but free ice cream could be had (long story), and I was pretty decent at that! And then I went to a Team Challenge Half Marathon, and that was that.
I don’t race often, but I love being around the spirit and energy of the event. I like knowing that I am surrounded by all types, but we are all there for a common reason. And having been competitive for decades with horses, I like the fact that this is a different type of competition. We still dig deep, but it is far more supportive, and far less too the death.

I tend to run at least 2 races a year but I want to do more (smaller ones) because I love the atmosphere, camaraderie and support. I also approach each race differently. Some are purely for fun others are to push myself. I don’t like always training for a race, it adds to much pressure.

You know I want to sign up for a race this year. I don’t know what or when. A 5K or a 10K, maybe even a half by the time the Spring comes. But I also don’t want to lose that good sense of just running for me and my own personal mindset. Running means a lot to me right now because it has shown me something and taught me something about myself that I did not know was there just a few months ago. I really needed that boost and I don’t want to lose it to competitiveness or pressure.

I think I miss that “new” feeling when you first start out and aren’t training and racing yet, but just completely running for pleasure, and I hope at some point I can feel that again! Once you start racing it becomes hard to stop I think for many people! At the end of the day it all should be enjoyable, so whatever gets us there is working! I will be very excited for you when you run your first race! It really is an awesome feeling 🙂

Wow! 9 months from a 5K to a marathon is pretty impressive. I think our thoughts and goals with fitness evolve over time. Any injury knocks us down too and forces us to learn. Thanks for sharing your running story. I do not run long distances, but would like to do a local 5K or two for fun.

When I get into something, I really get into it! Hence the whole “I do a little too much of everything” because it’s very true. 5ks are fun, I miss doing them and I hope to sign up for one this spring!

Hi Michele! these are such interesting questions and as always I love reading your thoughts on this.
For me, I have never really considered a race to be a ‘race’ – meaning that I have always thought of them as organized runs with a bunch of friends and complete strangers. I started running for fitness when I was in highschool, and just did it to keep fit and trim, like it was just what we did, as well as arobics… LOL. i never ran for distance, just for 45 minutes. When I was dating a guy who ran track my senior year, he got me to sign up for a 5K, and I did! I trained for it and managed to run it in 27 minutes, and was SOOOOO happy and proud of myself! Honestly it was the best feeling to be out there and run with all these people, and i love how we all share this one thing in common, but we are all different in many other ways. These organized races really made me excited and happy just to be there a part of it all.
I’ve come a long way since that first 5K, but I want to get my attitude about running and racing back where it was when I was a teenager – when it was just FUN 🙂 I love watching my friends and other runners do well because I know how good it feels, but I also know my body and what it can do right now. I’m okay with doing my best but still feeling good, most of all I want to enjoy the process and journey. I guess I like having a race to look forward to because honestly, I just love training plans!

Sounds like we really relate to each other! I agree that I hope to get back that feeling BEFORE I discovered racing, but it’s tough because of all the experiences we’ve had since then! I actually hope to spectate some races with my kids when the weather gets warmer. Actually enjoy the race atmosphere without any pressure at all!

I am one of those who has always raced. I became a runner 1 and half years ago because some friends were doing a half marathon and even though I couldn’t run a mile I thought to myself, “why can’t I do that too?” So I signed up for a 13.1 that was 8 months out, started training for it and building up…now here I am, one year, 3 half marathons, a full marathon, and a handful of smaller races later!

I admit that I am one of those people who needs the races to stay motivated to keep running. But the real reason I race is simply because it’s fun. Races are a blast and I get so excited for them. It’s like what you talked about with Boston – the crowds, the adrenaline, the energy all around, that indescribable “it” quality of races that you just can’t get running on your own.

I have experienced some dark sides, too – I often feel how I’m putting unnecessary pressure on myself to train hard and get PRs, and I feel myself getting unnecessarily competitive and comparing myself to others. But I also feel that I’m starting to grow and mature as a runner, so that’s good. I know that soon the day will come when I’m not so new anymore so races aren’t just one happy PR after another, and I’m trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for that phase of my running journey.

Oh the time when races were one happy PR after another! That was the best feeling and when you’re on your roll like that it’s a no brainer to continue to sign up! Your description of that year reminds me of how I felt. I call that the “honeymoon” racing phase! It’s just such an awesome feeling to push and then see results. It’s also good that you see it won’t last. I can’t say I saw that, or I didn’t want to, and my injury really got me down. Boston changed my outlook and now I’m hoping I can find a different but equally awesome motivation to continue running and also racing 🙂

interesting post…i ran for a few years without racing. then i did some 5ks then a 10k. One thing i love about the running community around me is how encouraging that can be. One thing i hate about the running community around me is how pushy they can be. as soon as i ran a 10k it was why not a 1/2, as soon as i ran a 1/2 it was why not a full. i feel like people pressure you a bit and its all about PRs etc.
i really have been looking at why i race after my first (and only) 1/2 last fall. i gained weight through the training, my body was in pain all the tmie, it was a huge time suck, etc. all that said i loved the 2 mins of high i got after it was over ! but…it made me think…running maybe isnt getting me the body or mind i want so maybe i should cut back…that was my thought immediately after. and i havent run much sense. but im getting the itch again. one good thing is i started running with my boyfriend. he is much more interested in running for “fun” and enjoying the race. he really helped change my attitude. once he looked at me and asked if i wanted to run race x. i said no cuz i already ran it once and i wont be faster. he said so what. i said…well isnt that the point. why keep running if its not to be faster..to get better. he told me i was crazy and had the wrong attitude and not everything is competition. a race is one day and that on my tombstone would not be my PR time. he is right….but some days its hard advice to follow!

Like all things with racing and running there needs to be a balance! Some people seem to feel great racing all the time, I think perhaps they are less sensitive type in general, maybe they thrive on competition, or maybe they just have your boyfriend’s attitude! If we put that pressure on ourselves for every race we wind up burning out! I think I’ll be happy with maybe 3-4 races per year going forward, more than that and I start to feel like my races rule my life, or question why I signed up to begin with. I think running with your boyfriend is a great way to make it enjoyable again, especially with his attitude! I love running with my husband and actually want to try to sign up for one or two races with him this year.

my boyfriend and i ran the half marathon together last year. both our first and stayed together the whole time. it was actually really a great thing for our relationship. and you aree right….his attitude is much better than mine ! and he wears the garmin so i dont ahve to be stressed with time so much.

I do like to race, but not to race against other people to race against myself. It gives me a purpose outside of being a mommy which otherwise consumes me. It’s a separate identity and it pushes me, otherwise I fear sometimes I would just get lazy and take the easy way out.

I just started reading your blog, and this is such a great post! I didn’t race for my first six years as a runner. I starting runner for fitness/stress relief in college, and I got injured when I tried to train for a half when I was 20, so I didn’t want to risk injury and just continued to run on my own. In my final year of grad school I decided to sign up for a 10K and feel in love with racing. I did my first half in November and I’m looking into doing my first marathon this year maybe. I’m never going to be one of the runners who runs tons of races in a year, since I want to do my best in each race and not push my body into injury. It’s all about balance!
Racing has helped change my perspective on running. I used to think of running a lot in terms of calories, but when I started racing I began to think about fueling, getting the right nutrients, and not restricting food because I only ran 3 miles and not indulging too much because I ran 10. It also helped me a lot in grad school because it channeled my competitive spirit into something other than school and research.

That is a a big shift I think many runners have from “exercise” to “runner” where you start thinking about fueling and strength rather than calories burned. I hope more people at least get past the “run this and eat that” mentality because there’s so much more to gain from running than a calorie deficit, but to each their own I suppose!

That is a great point about running channeling your feelings during grad school. I hat fun,think for many it’s a way to have something for themselves other than work/parenting/other responsibilities. Glad you enjoyed the post!!

I just found your blog 🙂
Wow, I have gone through a lot of the same. I had 3 tough pregnancies and was on bed rest for each of them – had baby #1 at 35 weeks, baby #2 at 36 weeks (2 months bed rest) and baby #3 at 32 weeks!
I would start running again after I had each baby and did just a few short races, but mostly just running (love my single and double joggers – but also cherish the alone runs so much). As a long time runner (HS and college), it was hard not to race, but I was just so focused on birthing, nursing and chasing my babies. I raced a half marathon when #2 was 19 months old, and that felt so wonderful.
I finally ran my first marathon since having kids this past Sept. and I remembered why I loved running marathons so much! I love, love being a Mom, but running is a special, wonderful thing just for me. I really enjoy having a training plan and goals to work toward.

Wow we can definitely relate to each other! I feel the same about being a mom and a runner. With 3 kids we are always mommy and always in demand, but running allows us to step away from that and have something all our own. Glad you found me as well!

Loved reading about your racing journey, Michele! I’m at the stage right now where I’m just dipping my foot into the running pool and not really considering myself much of a runner, but I’ve definitely been considering signing up for a race this summer to get myself more motivated. That fear you described in your first race, though? That’s going to be me. For sure. But I love how it changed everything for you, and I”m hoping it’ll do the same for me!

It’s so funny to think back to how nervous I was! Of course I will be super excited for you to run your first race! I sometimes wonder how my experience would have been different if is read running blogs back then. I really didn’t know what I was getting into with racing, it’s been great to read about everyone’s different experiences 🙂

Really liked this post. Mine today examined what would happen if you were running your last race. Your theme of why is similiar in that there is the question of who you are racing against… is it somebody or something else, is it a former version of yourself or a record you held before, or is it just the thrill of competing? I think it is important to know the why so you don’t impose undue stresses on your body and mind from having unrealistic expectations. Like for me, I will never make any $ competing in CrossFit… so I shouldn’t obsess over my training or compare myself to the big name athletes.

I love this post and your history of racing! Each Boston marathon has taught me a different experience and i’ve definitely felt the same thing from its course that you felt…There is NOTHING like Boston, NOTHING. It’s not comparable to a single other race I’ve ever run, and I’ve done a lot! 🙂
For me, racing is “new” still….yes i have been running and doing marathons for years but i don’t feel that I truly started to “race” until this past year. I’m still riding that high! 🙂

The last week I have really been asking myself the same question. Why do I race? I think the main reason is that it is a great way to hold myself accountable for my workouts. I genuinely do like the race atmosphere. I love having the crowd cheer you on just when you are about to hit that wall. I love the feeling when I cross that lfinish line. I love the way my accomplishments have somehow encouraged other to start running or get fit. This week I got sick and have been having knee and foot pains. My next race is this Sunday and I had been looking forward to it since I thought I may be able to get a PR. But now I am just not as excited about it as I had been. I go in phases. I’m just hoping I can enjoy this race pain free. There is always next race!

Sorry you aren’t feeling well leading into the race! That sort of thing always makes me a nervous wreck and also winds up making me question why I sign up. I definitely get having a goal race as a motivator to stay fit and accountable for workouts. Good luck to you!

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Hi! I’m so happy you stopped by! My name is Michele and I’m a Paleo eater and recipe creator, runner, mom of 3, and the gal behind Paleo Running Momma! Over here you’ll find real-food, clean eating family favorites that you’ll be excited to share with your loved ones. I hope you stay awhile, eat, savor, and enjoy!