19 comments:

So much that's nicely done about this piece; though I wonder if Derek's undergone an operation to become a woman, and we're seeing Derek's interior, listening to Derek's thoughts, if the pronoun ought to be "she".

Very nice. Makes me want to be there when parents come out to meet him - um, her.And, you can't change the pronoun to "she" because then it would give it away too easily.Afterall, "things were not as they were when he started...."very clever. Nice job.

Apart from the tiny-winy issues which others sited, it was a good read. I for one didn't see it coming. After reading, 'The operation was a success' my mind started listing all the intelligence agencies CIA, FBI, NSA, KGB, Mossad, etc. :D So I was delightfully surpried

@Aerin: You are officially hired as my editor. Whenever I finish my novel.

@Pete: I had that feeling too. I had one sigh in my piece and my immediate reaction was to go and check if its really required. :)

@Aimee. My guess is both belong to what-you-see-is-so-NOT-what-you-get category. I might be way off the target though. :D

I knew there was a twist but that was not what I anticipated! Very well told. Only one thing nagged, though.

In my ridiculously prosaic mind I am wondering how s/he got the money for a sex change operation in college. If s/he was lucky enough to have it covered by insurance it would have been on the parent's policy, most likely. Self-pay seems entirely out of reach.

I seriously doubt that would be the first thing to cross anyone else's mind, though.

I thought this was truly excellent. You gave her back story and illustrated her nervousness with consummate ease. Well done.

If you did want a way to get around the tricky pronoun issue, might I suggest setting the whole thing up from the female perspective, have her walk up to the door and when Mom answers have her say, "It's me … Derek."

Tricky bugger! I really thought that Derek was returning home after a sports injury and that was the successful operation. The only one more surprised than me will be Mom and Dad. I hope s/he at least called them first!