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Posts tagged ‘Stevie’

This week on the Young and the Ratchet, the episode picks up where last week’s ended…

Wait, let me talk a minute about the ratchet ass shit that went down at a viewing party last night with Mz Hoseline Hernandez. Apparently, ol’ girl was confronted, and attacked, by a fan of the show. As of now, details are sketchy, but the general consensus is that the woman wanted to know why Joseline had an abortion, and that is what started the altercation. Some people say that Joseline just brushed her off, and that was the ultimate sign of disrespect. Others say that Joseline pushed the attacker first. There are conflicting reports on whether or not Joseline was hit with a bottle. The attacker’s friend says that that’s not true. Until a police report surfaces, and/or pictures of Joseline’s injuries are posted, it is going to be hard to tell who is telling the truth.

Now, part of me feels that Joseline got what a lot of people thought she would get at some point. I didn’t think it would be over her getting an abortion, however. I mean, fa real? In case some of you have forgotten, abortions are legal in this country. Now, the GOP is trying to change that, along with taking away y’alls birth control (your asses better vote in November!) but, as of now, it is still legal. It is no one’s place to tell any woman what she HAS to do with her body. Period. If women were walking around trying to regulate men’s sperm, people would have a problem with that, but trying to regulate a woman’s uterus is fair game? Hell nah! But, I digress.

Since I don’t know the actual facts of what happened, it’s hard to give my opinion on it. If it’s true that old girl was salty for being brushed off, she needs to have several seats. What kind of pre-k, elementary school bullshit is that? I can’t stand Joseline, but far be it for me to cosign unprovoked and/or escalated violence (from fistfight to cracking bottles over ones head). The attacker needs to be locked up. Again, that’s IF, she hit her with a bottle.

Now that that is out of the way, it is time to move on to this week’s episode. It starts with Stevie J and Joseline, still in the studio, discussing who impregnated her. I cannot tell if Stevie is trying to play off the, “I ain’t fucking this ho,” angle for the camera, or if he is just a dick. I am going with the dick thing. This dude couldn’t find the highroad if Dora and Boots themselves gave him their map. Eventually, he drops the act and tries to play semantics with her on when she would have conceived the child. “If we had been sleeping together for 6 months, my kid would be bigger than that.” What? Does this man not know how reproduction works? Don’t he have at least four kids by now? Lawd. In confessionals, Joseline is saying, “Believe it or not, I am very stingy with my kutty cat.” Child, please.

Joseline tells Stevie that she is going to bring him the 50% paperwork and he ain’t going to have no money left. Ultimately, she lost that card when she had the fetus aborted. I can’t think of many people who are less fit to be a parent, so there are bright sides. My suspicion is that this wasn’t her first terminated pregnancy, and probably won’t be the last. Stevie doesn’t like that she is threatening to make him pay for his offspring, I mean the NERVE, and he tells her that she ain’t getting shit. He gets up and grabs his dick and says a bunch of ignorant bullshit. His mama must be so proud.

K Michlle goes to meet her record producer, B. Cox, to discuss organizing a local showcase to, uh…. showcase her talent. She is, again, talking about her time at Jive records and how they squandered her budget, and that she was out of her mind, and people were running away and locking their doors because they were scared of her. OK, we get it. Things, at Jive Records, were fucked up. Let’s move on now, because the more you talk the less I believe you.

Lil Scrappy goes to visit Momma Dee to let her know that he has found a new place. Again, they talk about Erica and her lack of affection and Momma Dee says she rather her son ho around to get the “affection” he needs than stay with woman who wouldn’t give him the one thing he asks for. I’m sure Erica is worried about Scrappy giving HER the one thing that SHE is asking for – you know, being faithful, but we see how things work in Momma Dee’s world. Any woman her son gets with must cater to him, period. This is why Scrappy will always be a little boy. That’s just not a lesson you teach ANY man. I mean, he can’t even handle the responsibility of hiring movers to move HIS shit. And mama, right there, offering to do it for him with a big grin on her face. SMDH. I do like Lil Scrappy’s personality though, so I at least understand why a female will be attracted to him. I will never get it with Stevie J.

Rasheeda and Kirk meet up to talk about her being late to the shoot. I am not feeling Rasheeda’s attitude on this one. Yes, I get that you have a lot of responsibilities, and it’s tough juggling it all, but you cannot use not getting your way as an excuse to drag your feet. She wanted four dancers, but she only got two. In her mind, she was being short changed so she would “get there when she get there.” She also seems to think that being late two hours only set their budget back $300-400. Kirk informs her that it set them back a few thousand dollars. I am rooting for Rasheeda, DESPITE the fact that I don’t like her music, but she really needs to pull it together. I’ve seen a lot of immaturity out of her the last couple of episodes. Kirk tells her that she isn’t being smart about the business because she has an attitude. He also says that what she is looking for is something that she would get as an artist with a major label. Rasheeda is totally against going the major labor route because they are really just glorified pimps. They use their artists up for every dime they can drain out of them, and unless the artist is able to negotiate a contract in their favor, ie, owning their masters, it doesn’t tend to pan out well for them. But, again, if you want to go the independent route, you need to have the attitude and mentality to do it successfully. I am not seeing that in Rasheeda right now. Kirk also tells her that it’s difficult to be in business mode with her as his husband. They need to just go on and hire someone else.

Erica is earning her spot on the show by setting up a nice, romantic evening for Scrappy, even though we know she really don’t want his ass. Her bedroom is a fire hazard, with dozens of lighted candles lining the walls, rose petals scattered across the floor, and chocolate covered scrawberries. She has pullt on some sexy lingaree, and got the oils out for a nice massage. I cannot wait to see Scrappy return the “affection” and set up something similar for Erica down the line! Maybe he’ll get to that after he’s done rubbing Buckey bikini-clad body down! So in the midst of a foot and back massage, Scrappy decides that this is the perfect time to let Erica know that he has found a spot and is moving out. Thanks for killing the mood! I must say, Scrappy has some breautiful feet! He had to have had a pedicure beforehand, however, because I just don’t believe any man keep their feet that pretty on their own. Besides, we know that this show just ain’t that spontaneous.

The ladies get together to support K. Michelle at her showcase. Despite the sparkly fuzzy sleeves, I thought K. Michelle looked somewhat dressed down, but maybe that’s how they do at showcases. She sings her new song, “Bury My Heart,” and she is doing that shout-singing thing that tone-deaf people confuse for belting. Otherwise, she sounds as good as, or better than, most of the artists getting R & B contracts these days, and that “Bury My Heart” song is growing on me. I know I’ve heard that melody before, who is she sampling?

K. Michelle, on the showcase: “I left the haters with their faces on the floor, I left my family excited and my friends overjoyed. A star was born.”

OK, then.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Karlie Redd would not get any airtime if it wasn’t for her stirring up shit. Where is her music? What projects is she working on? Where are her meetings with music execs? Can you please get your own business, Karlie Redd? I can’t stand that ho. Anyway, she points to some chick in the audience and tells Mimi, “That’s the girl who said she fucked Stevie.” Mimi, again, is looking like a fool, and when Stevie J comes over there to get a kiss, she tells him that she don’t want to kiss him. This is when Stevie turns into a little bitch and starts to demand that she give him a kiss.

Stevie: “What do you mean you are going to call when you are done?” “You going to show out?” “Gimme a kiss. Gimme a kiss.”

Dude, do you hear yourself?

Erica is thoroughly amused by the entire situation. She says that she didn’t know that Stevie was Mimi’s man/baby daddy, so she didn’t get why he was acting like that. For people who live in the same city, and who are filming a reality show together, they sure as hell don’t seem to know a lot about each other. Anyway, since Stevie is really just a woman with a big dick, he decides to step to her and starts to go off on her, calling her a bitch. Erica doesn’t back down, however, and tells him that she is not intimidated by him. As Stevie walks off, he calls her a, “disrespectful slut monkey.” Really? And what have you done to earn respect, Stevie J? What I like is how Mimi just sat there like a fucking lump on a log. She didn’t try to get him to stop or call him out on his bitchassedness. She just sat there looking like she is completely disconnected from the situation. Someone may want to check to see if she is on something, for reals.

Sidebar: On the Twitter last night, Mimi had this to say,“Doing the show was a blessing and a curse. Id still be in the dark and clueless had I not done it. The downside is dealing with the trurh (sic). It hurts to find out the man u loved so much was capable of doing the most but I’ve been given the gift of clarity. My new beginning begins. My only wish is for my daughter to learn from my mistakes and know her worth and never experience what I’ve been thru. I love her sooo much. But at the end of the day a very dysfunctional relationship produced the most pure love Ive ever experienced. My daughter. So no regrets.”

The next day, Mimi and Stevie meet up in some parking lot to discuss the previous night’s altercation. Mimi says that Stevie had a bunch to say when they got home, but she locked him out of the bedroom. Do you believe her? I don’t believe her. She asks him why she went off on Erica and he said, just like the bitch that he is, that he just felt like going off on everyone. WTF, were you having PMS? To his credit, he does acknowledge that he was wrong and says that he wants to speak with Erica and apologize. They then start to talk about the latest chick that the Town Crier, Karlie Redd, said that he smashed. Stevie wants to know how many times they are going to go through this he-said, she said shit. Um, as long as you are fucking other women? First, he says that there is no truth to it, then, he says that he has seen her in the studio once or twice, finally he says he doesn’t remember. Then he starts back at one – “But, I didn’t fuck that broad!” “I can’t recall.” “I didn’t take that down!” “Can we just get passed it?” He also implies that the woman isn’t hot enough for him to sleep with. LOL. Mimi, again proving how naive she is, says that she doesn’t know of any women who runs around claiming to sleep with men that they didn’t sleep with. She tells him that he needs to check his bitches because they ain’t running shit. Stevie: “This your thing, baby.” Mimi: “You got to stop this bullshit, because I can’t take much more.” ::rolleyes::

Joseline meets with her next-door neighbor, who happens to be her “best friend,” to tell him that she is pregnant. Someone should have sat him down with an acting coach to better perfect his reaction. I thought I was watching Single Ladies for a minute. #Shade Ruben (her neighbor) wants to know if Joseline loves Stevie, and she says that she does. She has that love women get for a man who takes them out of the strip club, or off the track. He gave her an opportunity, and if it wasn’t for him, she would still be stripping. She says that she was one of six kids and that her mother did drugs for 25 years. She ran away at 12 years old and that she is just glad she ended up in a strip club and not dead.

Sidebar: It’s clear that Stevie manipulates her by threatening to throw her back into that lifestyle, and honestly, I do feel bad for Joseline in that regard. My thing is, and always will be, that you can’t let your past dictate the way that you treat other people. It’s horrible that she has had to live the life that she has led, but it’s not the fault of the world, it’s the fault of her parents.

At the end of the conversation, it’s obvious that Joseline has decided to have an abortion. She tells her friend that she is just going to do what she has to do.

Scrappy got two little boxes on his bed that he is filling up with clothes to take to his new spot. Erica tells him that she has been keeping something from him, because she didn’t know how he was going to take it.

It went a little something like…

Erica: “I met Stevie J.”

Scrappy: “I heard a lot about him.”

Erica: “Well, he came over to the table and demanded that Mimi give him a kiss.”

Scrappy: “She wouldn’t give him no kiss?”

Erica: “Nope.”

Scrappy: “She wouldn’t kiss him?”

Erica: “Nope.”

Scrappy: “Why wouldn’t she give him a kiss?”

Damn, Scrappy, can she tell the story?

Erica: “He called me a bitch.”

Scrappy: “What? Did he know you before this?” (What difference does that make?)

Erica: “Nope.”

Scrappy: “ Shawty, hell naw! We gon get a apology. Shawty. We gon get more than that, Shawty. You feel me? But… you know, I’m on probation right?”

OK, that is not at all verbatim, but mostly how I remember the conversation!

K. Michelle goes to Ariane’s place to get her “true opinion,” on what she thought of the showcase. What else is she going to say other than you did well? The real purpose of the visit is to discuss Karlie Redd’s messy ass. The night of the showcase, Karlie went up to K. Michelle’s producer and told him that he was messing with the wrong artist.

K. Michelle, in confessionals: “The last time I checked, no one is throwing out record deals to 50-year-old artists who don’t even have a Wikipedia page. Walking around here with a deflated ass cheek, she needs to deal with that shit first!” BITCH, YOU AINT’ GOT NO WIKIPEDIA PAGE?

K. Michelle goes to meet with Jeff Robinson, who is a music manager who has worked with everyone from Tyrese to Alicia Keys. She wants to know what she needs to move forward and Jeff is straight with her. He tells her that one of Jive Records former employees came to his office and told him that she was crazier than a bag of hammers. (Just how crazy IS a bag of hammers?) He tells her that her record deal was her opportunity to build something and, to the world, it looks as if she failed. KM says that it’s not fair and starts to cry and shit, whatever. She says that she messed up and should have kept her Hot Pocket closed. Jeff just wants her to understand how it happened and to learn from it. She tells him that she needs him to manage her. He says that she can always ask him for advice, but he has to keep it real. If they are going to work together, she has to take responsibility for herself and her brand. Girl, he does not want to work with you.

The show wraps up with the Mimi/Stevie/Joseline drama, as usual.

Joseline invites Mimi to meet her so she can tell her that she’s pregnant with Stevie’s baby. Getting straight to the point, Joseline tells Mimi that that time back in December, when Stevie stop coming home (a period of 3 months) it’s because he was with her. Joseline: “I know who baby I have in my stomach, and you know, too.” In confessionals, Mimi says that she is disgusted, but she’s not going to lose her cool because that’s what Joseline wanted. She tells Joseline that she knows what she is dealing with when it comes to Stevie, and… wait for it… “I am not fool.” ::sideeye:: ::smirk::

Mimi: “As far as you are concerned, you are a stripper. Do you even know who you are pregnant by?

Joseline: “I’m pregnant by your man.”

Mimi: “He pulled you out of the strip club.”

::Joseline gets a text::

Joseline: “This him texting me right now.”

Mimi: “Tell him to come up here.”

::Stevie walks in two seconds later:: (I mean, come on, you know he was on standby.)

Stevie: “What you letting her know?”

Mimi: “She tells me she’s pregnant by you.”

Stevie: “Is that what she said?”

::Stevie pulls pregnancy test out of pocket:: (The FUCK?)

Mimi (in confessionals): Who the fuck carries around the next chicks pregnancy test in their pocket?

Mimi: “When was the last time y’all fucked?”

Joseline: “5 days ago.”

Stevie: “A month ago.”

Mimi: “If it was a month ago, it could be your baby.”

Mimi (in confessional): “You’re sloppy. You fucked this bitch raw, and then you want to come home and lay down with me?” Yea, you simple broad, that’s exactly what he wants to do and that’s what you ALLOW him to do.

::Mimi gets up::

Mimi: “Good luck with your baby.”

Stevie: “Where you going?”

Stevie says that she, er I mean, HE, is glad that she left because this was a conversation that he and Joseline needed to have first. You know, to get their stories straight.

The rest of the segment just devolves into them yelling at each other, Joseline throwing drinks, and pushing. Stevie pulls that, “I own you shit,” and tells her that he has papers on her for the rest of her life and that he is going to send her back to the strip club and that he gave her life. Blah blah blah.

Joseline, “I tire of you controlling me.”

Joseline says that Stevie always threatens to send her back to the strip club when he gets mad at her, but he can’t send her back to the strip club because she’s not going back. She calls Stevie a fucking piece of shit and he tells her to watch her mouth. She tells him that she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore, and he said that she will never be finished talking to him and to understand that and to watch how she speaks to him.

Stevie: “You look nice by the way.”

Seriously? Bitches fall for this bullshit? I bet he got hoes, right now, lining up to fuck him and be treated like a piece of dog shit. Ugh.

Next week’s episode shows the confrontation between Scrappy and Stevie, and I can’t wait. I want to see if Stevie is as quick to step to men as he is to step to women. I somehow doubt it…

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So, “the day following” the dustup at the club with Stevie J and Josheline, Ariane and Mimi are talking about the events that unfolded. Ariane wants to know how Mimi feels. “I am hurt. I am Pissed Off. I am embarrassed. I am disgusted.” (Waits for Momma Dee to pop out and say, “And, in THAT order!” Hood for dayz….) Ariane thinks that Mimi is “addicted to” Stevie, and she is willing to do all she can to break Mimi of that addiction. This is the second episode where she is mentioning Stevie’s dick, and in case you missed it, Stevie released pics of his dick – right along with RhiannaMan releasing pics of herself naked and a video of her rubbing one out. Seriously, watch at your own risk. Mimi is still going on and on about how she and Stevie have a kid together and it disturbs me that she does not realize that she is setting her daughter up to think that it is OK to accept a man treating you like pure doo-doo, all in the name of love. At the end of this segment, she “appears” to be unable answer whether or not she is going to leave Stevie.

This week, we are introduced to Rasheeda. She is a female, underground hip-hop entertainer. She has been married for 12 years to her husband, Kirk, and they have an 11-year-old named Kai, together. Rasheeda has 4 step childrens. That’s a lot! She has been signed to both Motown and Jive record, but they never understood her as an artist, so that shit didn’t work out. She went independent. We see inner cuts of her in some video with Kandi. (Full disclosure: I don’t listen to hip-hop music, nor do I watch videos, so I have not one clue who anyone is on this show. From what I understand, most of them are not even well known to people who do follow hip-hop, so I guess they haven’t made much of a mark in the industry; or, they simply are no longer relevant.)

Kirk and Rasheeda are at their lovely home, in the kitchen, discussing what song Rasheeda will release first from her upcoming album. Besides being her husband, Kirk is also her manager. He has loads of confidence in his woman and her capabilities, which is awesome. They are debating between two songs, “Legs to the Moon” and “Marry Me.” I have to agree with Rasheeda that “Legs to the Moon” is more intriguing, going by the title alone, but her husband believes that “Marry Me” should be released first; and, since Rasheeda has not made the best decisions about such matters in the past, she probably should listen to her husband this time. So, “Marry Me,” it is.

Karlie Redd decides to pay a visit to Stevie J’s studio to see if he is cool with her ratting him out to his woman. In the real world, ie, not on a “reality” TV show, that would be a done deal. How will it pan out on Love & Hip-Hop? Well, we will have to wait a moment before we find out because the only man at the studio right now is Jose; and, she is wearing another tragic weave. She wants to know why Karlie spilled the beans about how she and Stevie J were behaving at the restaurant. Karlie tries to explain to Shenellica Joseline that if she doesn’t want anyone to know what she and Stevie have going on, she probably should not flaunt it. Joseline continues to deny that she and Stevie J kissed, and since we weren’t shown that footage, we have no clue whether or not Karlie is lying. It’s easy enough for them to have kissed when the cameras stopped rolling. I gotta say though, I like how Joseline goes from admitting that Stevie J was fucking her in episode 1, to demanding people show her proof of them kissing and “sexing” in episode 2. Boy Girl, shut up.

Sidebar: All joking aside, I do believe that Joseline is a female with manly features. The word is “androgynous.” Normally, I would not go in on someone about their looks/features, because that is not something that they can change. She has masculine bone structure but she cannot do anything about that. The problem is that she set herself up as the villainous sidepiece from the start, which means that I just cannot feel much sympathy for her. If she were a good person, people would react differently. Would some people still make fun of her for “looking like a man?” Yes, but she would have more people defending her. I don’t even hold it against her that she has a stripper/prostituting past.

Anyway, Karlie is explaining to Joseline that she just wants to work with Stevie. Joseline needs Karlie to know that she is Steve’s number 1 priority. (Remember, she plans to make him a brazillian dollars? Seriously, I hardly understand what she is saying half the time, but I can totally see her thinking Brazillian is an actual number.) Karlie is not going to get in her way, but she appreciates Karlie’s old ass giving her advice. How old is Karlie anyway? People keep calling her old.

It’s time for Stevie J to “pop in” on Mimi, while she is out cleaning a home. She owns a cleaning service. (No shade to housekeepers, that’s hard, honest work!) He says that he was, “Looking a little bananas,” at K. Michelle’s party, and his attempts to call Mimi has not worked and he really needs to speak with her. He tells Mimi that his family is the most import thing in his life and that they are his number one priority; behind that dick of his, clearly. “At the end of the day, I love you, but working is how I get my money.” What part of “working” includes being sexually active with your artists? Someone please let me know.

Mimi wants to know what is going on with Stevie and Joseline.

Mimi: “Why would she throw a drink at you?”

Stevie: “Uh, duh… I don’t know. She probably —- I don’t know!”

Mimi: “I want you to look me in my face and tell me you are not fucking this girl.”

Stevie: (with smile on face) “No, I’m not.”

Mimi: “Why the fuck is you smiling then?”

Stevie: (trying to hide smile on face) “No, I’m not fucking her.”

Mimi: “Have you ever fucked her?”

Stevie: “We ain’t fucking.” You know, like, at this very minute.

Mimi: “I don’t believe you. Why were y’all beefing?”

Stevie: “We were beefing because we were 2 hours late to the studio.”

Man, whatever. I can’t believe that Mimi has put up with this shit, on and off, for 15 years. Stevie wants to “talk serious” for a minute. He wants to cut Mimi in on a “couple” percent of the business. A couple of percent is actually 5% in his world. He wants to give Mimi 5% of the profits from Joseline’s project. What is this fool smoking? Mimi says, fuck that, she wants 10% of everything. She says, “I am ready to hit Stevie in the only place he is going to feel it, in his wallet.” Stevie wants to know what time she’ll be done because he wants to see her. Mimi says that she is going to be tired, maybe he can call tomorrow. Awww, look at her trying to play like she has some kind of back bone!

Question: When did repeating one line repeatedly become a suitable chorus for a song? I’m sorry but, anyone – literally ANYONE – can write lyrics like these. I find this shit weak and offensive to my sensibilities. Oh, what am I talking about? This “Marry Me” song, which is supposedly a “female anthem,” you know, according to Rasheeda.

“Put it on em, make them want to marry me.” Over and over and over again. I’m sorry, but this shit is just whack. Maybe they should have gone with “Legs to the Moon” after all.

Anyway, Rasheeda is speaking to her husband about what she expects for her next video. She wants a real director, a full storyboard, more than one camera, etc etc. Kirk says he needs her to be 100% on the video, and not just phone it on, as she sometimes tend to do. She said she gon’ be ready. “You know I am going to deliver because that’s what the fuck I do. When it’s time to be there, and there is time for something to be done, I’m going to be front and center.” Alright then, I guess we’ll see about that.

Erica has not had a real relationship with her mother for about 10 years, but since reconnecting, her mom has been trying to be in her life. They speak for a while about Scrappy, over frozen desserts. She wants to know if Erica is serious about making it work. I never believe Erica when she says that she is, honestly. She does seem like one of those people who hides her emotions behind a thick wall. I recognize it because I tend to be that way as well. Her mom says that she just wants Erica to be happy and that she knows that Scrappy can do more, because she has seen him do more. Erica says that it just seems that way to her mother, from the outside looking in, but things are good. And, even if things don’t work out with Scrappy, all that matters is that her child is happy. They then start to talk about when Erica’s mom was on crack, and sent to prison. Erica was sent to NY to live with her aunt and uncle. She said she would watch letters come to the house, from her mom, but her mom wouldn’t send her letters and she would go to church on Sundays, when she was 8, and just pray to get a letter from her. This part of the episode was truly heart wrenching, and I did feel Erica’s pain in that moment. As scripted as the actual set-ups are, on this show, this conversation was 100% real. For the record, her mom claims she wrote her letters but she thought that Erica was ashamed of her. Erica says that what she’s gone through has just made her stronger.

Mimi and Stevie J go to dinner and Stevie has a “grown and sexy” set up for them. Mimi says that Stevie has been really sweet since the night at the club, but she has a surprise for that ass. She pulls out some paperwork. She is asking for 20% of his profits from all projects. She wants to be partners with him. In confessional, Mimi is saying that it is less than the 50% she should be getting for putting up with his bullshit over the years. Stevie J’s counter offer is 10%, and it seems that later on Mimi accepts the 10%, although at the time she acts as if she’s not trying to hear that. In confessionals, Stevie says, “When Mimi hit me with that paperwork, I was like, ‘Wooooooooow,’” what is he channeling Flavor Flav now? Good God. Anyway, he just says he wants to see her smile again, (have you considered keeping your dick in your pants?) and he plays a song for her at the piano. Mimi just has a shit-eating grin plastered on her face, because she’s eating all of that bullshit up with a spoon. And Saving Our Daughters think that THIS chick is what teenagers need to look up to? GTFO! Oh, and by the way, Stevie’s voice sucks.

Meanwhile, Kirk is at a studio in Doraville (no, Boots ain’t nowhere around) waiting on Rasheeda to arrive. She shows up two hours late. Basically, Rasheeda is late because she does not have a stylist, and she has a lot on her plate with being a mom and an artist and her own stylist. Kirk fucks her vibe all the way up with his attitude, but truthfully, she’s being a diva. It is easy enough to call or text and let people know you are running late, because when it comes to shooting a video time IS money and having the video run over is going to take more money from their budget. She accuses Kirk of “fiddle-faddling” on the phone while she is doing real work. Well, I imagine that those people didn’t just materialize out of thin air and that Kirk probably had something to do with that, but anyway. After crying for a second outside, she comes back in to do the video to that WHACK ASS SONG, “Marry Me.”

Mimi goes to Karlie’s house so that they can catch up. Karlie apologies and says that if she had known that Mimi and Stevie J were together, she would not have said anything. Who believes that shit? Mimi says that there is no need to apologize if she didn’t know. Karlie goes on to rub salt in Mimi’s wounds by talking about the chemistry she witnessed between Joseline and Stevie. She says that it was clear to her that they were fucking. “Why you calling your manager, Daddy? I would never call my manager Daddy.” I want to know why ANY women calls the man they are fucking Daddy, PERIOD. Seriously, is this something women who don’t have, and have never had, fathers in their lives do?

Mimi: “Do you honestly think they are sleeping with each other?”

Ugh, I just can’t handle this simple broad.

Now that that is out of the way, Karlie needs to let Mimi know that she really wants to work with Stevie. You gotta love that bitch. (I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible.) She tells Mimi that Joseline is making it seem as if she is the boss and she’s running shit. Mimi says that’s not the case because Joseline works for both she and Stevie J. She tells Karlie about that 10% she has accepted from Stevie. She says, “He and I are going to partner up.” I can’t tell if she is just talking shit, or if she and Stevie have actually signed some papers. It almost came across as if she was saving face.

Stevie and Joseline are back in the studio.

Joseline (in confessional): “I have so musch love for Stevie! I owe him so musch and he will get rewarded for that. I love Stevie. Everyone else, I don’t give a fuck about!”

Joseline (in studio): “I have something else I need to talk to you about.” Camera zooms in on her face. “No fairy godmother this month.”

Stevie: “Huh?”

Joseline: “I don’t know if it’s my nerves but I have to go to the doctor to make sure nothing is going on with me.”

Stevie: “How late is you?”

Josaline: “Almost a month. Three weeks.”

(Pause): That make-up job is TRAGIC.

Stevie: “Is it 3 weeks or a month?” (Yea bitch, get it right! This is important!)

Joseline: “Three weeks is almost a month.”

Stevie ain’t trying to hear it. “What else is good with you? We shouldn’t even be having this conversation, period.” If she was having periods, you wouldn’t be having this conversation! hahaha!

Anyway, is he serious? It doesn’t matter, because Mimi rolls in to lay down the law. She lets Joseline know that she is now Stevie’s business party and that Joseline works for her. Joseline tells Mimi that she is not running shit. Mimi asks Stevie what his feelings were on working with Karlie Redd. Stevie says that Karlie is a rat, and that he wasn’t feeling it. Joseline tries to pipe up and give her opinion, and Mimi shuts that shit down. She said it is not Joseline’s decision. In the end, Stevie sides with Mimi and agrees it’s about getting paid, at the end of the day. So, suck on that Joseline… Never mind, you might like it.

At Erica’s house, Scrappy drops in. They get past a little small talk and the discussion moves on to how Scrappy gets when he is stressed out and how he wears his emotion on his sleeves. He says when he is going through stuff, he just wants to be left alone, so this means he needs his own spot, where Erica can’t give him an attitude and ask him about where he is going. (How dare she?!) Scrappy says that he would tell her if he didn’t really want to work on their relationship. Erica says, truthfully, she and Scrappy work best apart. Whatever. At this point, it’s clear that neither of them are serious about a relationship and that they are doing this for the show. Do what you gotta do.

“You need to mind your business Karlie Redd. It’s time for me to give this bitch a reality check.” That’s what Joseline has to say about Karlie; and she means it. She “tracks Karlie down” at a gym, much in the same way Stevie tracked down Mimi earlier in the episode – meaning the producers set up the altercation. Joseline “asks” Karlie to please stop going behind her back asking to work with Stevie and to not talk to Mimi about her. Karlie thinks that both Joseline and Mimi are jokes at this point. One minute, one is telling her that she’s running shit, the next the other is saying that she runs it. She says she needs to know who Stevie J’s manager is. Karlie then proceeds to act as if she isn’t the one volunteering information to Mimi about what she has observed between Joseline and Stevie, saying that it is Mimi who is talking about Joseline, not her. Joseline says that Karlie will work with Stevie J if she allows him to work with her. When will side-hos learn? You have no real power. It’s up to the man, who is using you like a cum receptacle, to make you feelas if you have power. THAT’S IT!

At the end of the episode, Joseline gets another dramatic “video ho entrance” when she arrives at the studio. She goes right into the bathroom, with the cameras, squats over the toilet and pisses on the pregnancy test. If she wasn’t a ho, this would be shocking. But, since she is, it isn’t. Of course, I doubt that she even actually pissed on it. It was one of those classic, TV scenes with people passing around a pissy pregnancy test as if it wasn’t just pissed on. I mean she has it all up in her purse. Who does that?

She brings Stevie the pregnancy test and he wants to know why she is bringing it to him. Because she’s picking you to be that baby daddy, dummy. When she walks into the studio, she is all “upset” and crying. Stevie wants to know why she’s upset. She tells him and he is like, “So, whatcha gon do?” Actually, that’s how Chris Rock asked it in his, “Never Scared” comedy routine. Stevie J wasn’t nearly as humorous, in fact, he was a complete dick about it. He starts talking about how she has photo shoots coming up, and all of this choreography she is going to need to be doing – basically, he’s pointing out that she can’t be pregnant and do that. It’s clear that his solution is to have her abort the baby. Eventually, he presses her on who the dad is, and she finally says that, over the last six months, the only guy she has been fucking is him.

Next week should be interesting! Sorry for any typos, I will proofread and fix it (again) tomorrow.

First of all, I gotta say that the opening for this reality show has got to be the most dramatic I’ve ever seen. This should already tell us what we have in store for us for this season! I am from Atlanta, so it will be very interesting to see how my city plays out from this angle. We already have the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta plays to a younger demographic.

We start out the series premiere with Mimi and her man, Stevie J. They have been together fifteen years, which means that she has likely been cheated on hundreds of times and probably has had to make a few trips to the clinic along the way. Is that mean? Anyway, they have a 2-year-old daughter named Eva and Mimi is just ready for Stevie to man up. So, Stevie has Mimi driving them way outside of Atlanta, to the suburbs where he has a surprise waiting for her. When they reach their destination, we see that it is a house, which is a gift to her. I’m a little confused though, are they moving into that house, together, or is he just giving it to her? Is he kicking her out of the place they currently live? At any rate, when people start giving you gifts as big as an entire house, you pretty much know that they done fucked up.

Mimi is not really feeling him moving her all the way out into the suburbs. From where it looks like they are, it is a good 30-45 minutes outside of Atlanta. Stevie is all like, “Look hoe, you better take this house and be glad I’m not tossing you into some glorified apartment. You know how many bitches wish I was buying them a house right now? You ungrateful cunt!” Okay, he didn’t say any of that. That was just me reading in between the lines. He did make it clear that he still is not going to be around “like that” because he gotta get his money.

Next up is Erica. She’s a single mother and she has been dating the rapper Lil Scrappy on and off for about 10 years. They have a 6-year-old daughter named Imani. Lil Scrappy pops up on screen for 2 seconds to ignorantly proclaim some stuff about his affinity for the city of Atlanta, where he was born, and, apparently, will die. After his career took off, Lil Scrappy had a public affair with an Atlanta rapper named Diamond and it hurted Erica’s feelings. Diamond dumped Lil Scrappy to get with something bigger and better (OK, I don’t know if he is better) Soulja Boy, and Scrappy went crawling back to Erica with his tail between his legs. And, of course, she took him back. She clearly has a high sense of self-worth. Lil Scrimpy takes a pause to think when Erica asks him if he thinks he would be with her if Diamond hadn’t cheated on him. He comes up with a response that wouldn’t get him cut, and kept it moving. He tells her that she needs to give him more affection. You cheated on her, just how affectionate should she be?

It’s time to meet the singer on the show, K. Michelle. She is in the studio shouting into the microphone – shouting is not singing; someone needs to tell these young singers that. She is a single mother, a pianist and she rocks out with her cock out. She recently got out of a bad relationship and that’s what this album is about. She’s recording a break-up song, and once she gets into the groove, she does sound considerably better. Later in the show, she meets with Rasheeda to express her displeasure with her ex-record label and to tell her about the bad relationship she ended up in with the man who signed her to the record deal. She said he gave her everything she thought she wanted until one day he flipped and beat her ass. He even stole the money that was reserved for her recording budget ($2 Million!)to buy himself flashy jewelry, and in the end, she had nothing to show for it; not even the album. Even though other people knew what was going on, they did nothing to help her. The nature of the beast. (I presume that she cannot mention this man’s name on the show, based upon how cryptic she was in that regard. Allegedly, the man in question is Memphitz. Memphitz is currently married to Toya. If he really is as violent as K Michelle claims, I hope Toya don’t ever feel that wrath.)

Mimi goes to visit her friend, Ariane, (somebody should have told her mother that does not spell “Erin”) to whine about about Stevie J giving her a big ass house in the suburbs. Ungrateful! I mean, so what if it is out in the boonies and it will be harder for you to roll up to the studio to see what skank he fucking? It’s a new house! Anyway, she and Ariane have known each other for about 7 or 8 years and she knows all of the ups and downs, ins and outs, of Mimi’s relationship with her man. Ariane reads the situation pretty quickly and is all like, “Is the dick THAT good?” OK, now we all know good well that what keeps her in the relationship is the money and status. These women kill me trying to act as if that has nothing to do with it and that they aren’t at least part golddigger. OWN WHO YOU ARE. Mimi says that she has never met a dick that made her do cartwheels – but she has met a paycheck! Ariane pretty much tells her that she accepts the behavior by staying with him. I concur! Side Note: Evelyn needs to take notes on how to cry on cue from these chicks. They make real tears and everything.

Looking like a po’ man’s Rihanna

Next, we travel to Kirkwood, which is in east Atlanta, to meet the show’s Latina flavor, Joseline (real name Shenellica, scroll down to see her mugshot). She gets a video ho vixen entrance before we see her little clip stating that she is a rapper, actress, and dancer. We got a triple threat y’all! She does have a nice ass (is it real?), but that weave is TRAGIC. So, she’s at Stevie J’s Studio, Block Studios. The first thing she does is show off her ass and he gives it a nice smack. Turns out, they’re fucking. Now, we already knew they were fucking, but I didn’t expect them to make it so obvious. I thought it would be one of those coy, “He’s just my producer/manager/everything, but we ain’t fucking,” kind of things. Nope. She puts that shit right on the table. I think I might actually respect that. Wait; scratch that. Did this bitch just say that Stevie fucks her brain? Yea… I take that respect thing back. She says that she wants Stevie forever. Good luck with that one.

Momma Dee

Lil Scrappy heads over to his mother’s house, Momma Dee. My impression one sentence into Momma Dee’s introduction: She doesn’t seem quite as ghetto fabulous as say… a Frankie or Nancy. I mean, it looks like she would be able to spell psychotic if she had to. ::sighs:: I guess I should have waited to hear her speak before I placed her above Frankie and Nancy. Once she begins to express her displeasure about the people working on her home, it becomes clear that she is a lot more hood than she portrays herself in the “confessional.” At least she knows how to act as if she has some home training when she has to… Although, that gives me shades of Tami Roman. Tami knows how to act cool, calm and collected when she wants people to think she has sense, but eventually, the truth betrays her and we see exactly who she really is. Wait, how did I get back to Basketball Wives?

Anyway, Momma Dee used to pimp and sell crack back in the day. She did what she had to, to take care of her family. Even if what she did hurt the community she was raising them in even more. Yup, that makes sense! Momma Dee gives her son some advice on his relationship with Erica. She says that Erica doesn’t know how to show affection because she didn’t have a mother to show it to her while she was growing up; because her mother was a crackhead. Mmm…. I wonder if she bought her crack from Momma Dee? Lil Scrimpy ignorantly proclaims – I mean, dude is stupid – that affection has nothing to do with your mama. What? They move on to talking about Diamond and Momma Dee is determined not to let her son beat her out in the ignorance department and states that Diamond didn’t need a record deal, she needed a Massengill deal; because, apparently, she knows what her pussy smells like – and it stinks! She says that Diamond almost made her come out of early retirement and that she needed to put her on the track to sell that ass; since her son paid for it. All of this because Diamond did to her son, what her son did to Erica. What goes around comes around; if you are so wise, where is THAT wisdom, Momma Dee?

Momma Dee has Erica over to her house to have a heart to heart sit down, and to tell her all of the things she is doing wrong in her relationship with her son. “You gotta show him affection, hoe!” Erica says that she does show him affection. I’m sorry, if someone publicly humiliates me by cheating with another woman, I’m not going to be feeling all lovey, dovey with them. How is that even a reasonable expectation? I guess she is supposed to fake it for his sake, so that HE will feel better; what about her? Erica tells Momma Dee that she steps out of line as a mother, and Momma Dee tells her she doesn’t know what she is talking about because her mom was a crackhead. Erica said that she still had a mother figure in her life, she was raised by her aunt. Momma Dee says that Erica’s mother did crack in front of Erica, and that she would never do that. Yes, Momma Dee, the pimp and drug dealer is a much more superior mother than Erica’s. People like her is why Erica’s mom was able to get her hands on crack in the first place. People can’t smoke what they can’t get. HELLO? For the record, Erica denies that her mother ever smoked crack in front of her. Momma Dee goes on to have some “vision” about Diamond and Lil Scrimpy and some other stuff that I can’t follow. The bitch is crazy, and Erica confirms it when she gets Momma Dee to confirm that she has been off her meds for five days. That explains everything.

So, Mimi’s slow ass invites her man to dinner to discuss whether or not he is interested in living in their home, out in the sticks, together. Stevie says he’ll come home “more.” Bitch, please. Let me tell you from experience, the only way that man is going to be coming home from that studio is if he needs you to take care of him in some way. I mean, it has to be something major. A serious illness, perhaps. Otherwise, you are doing good to get him once a week. Mimi lays on him this super duper awesome idea – “How about you build a studio in the house?” Stevie J was ready for that one, though! He was quick to outline why it isn’t such a great idea, stating that you get a different “vibe” when you are at the studio, and being there stokes his creative fire. Besides, how is he going to have Joseline around giving him head lap dances and such if he is working from home? Naw, that one ain’t going to work. We need to keep this here separate. “So, that means what?” Mimi wants to know. Seriously? Like I said… Sloooooooow.

So, Stevie really isn’t all that great at this double life stuff. He invites Joseline to meet with an industry dude – Antonio Reid, LA Reid’s son; and, Karlie Redd, a singer and rapper from Trinidad. She has been wanting to work with Stevie J for a while. He wants to know if she is going for that Trini-sound. She says, no… she is going for that “R & B Swag,” whatever that is. Seriously, you should be able to define yourself just a little bit better than that. I do respect that she can just perform on the spot and is not shy about it. Joseline takes to Karlie immediately and suggests, after they show off their hot-bods, that they do a song together.

We know that with these “reality” shows, we always have to have at least one episode – usually the premiere – where someone has some kind of party where things pop off. Well, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta is no different. The ladies get together for K. Michelle’s birthday party and K. Michelle is ready for them to dance off beat. OK, that off beat dance of hers was cute… those shoes with the blonde hair weave on them? Not so much. She looks great otherwise.

Karlie is thrilled, and shocked, to see Mimi when she walks in. They were close back when they both lived in LA, but lost touch over the years. Question: How is it that she didn’t know that Stevie J was Mimi’s man? I mean, fifteen years is a long time for Karlie NOT to know who her good friend was fucking. I guess the above is why it doesn’t come across quite so genuine when Karlie, out of the blue, starts to talk about Joseline and how real she is and how she is “ride or die” for her man. “Her man is Stevie J,” she says. Of course, Mimi and Ariane jump in to say that he is not Joseline’s man because he’s Mimi’s man! Karlie tries hard to pull off that, “Oh shit!” look, but she doesn’t do it that well. She keeps insisting over and over again that Stevie J is Josaline’s man because she “seen” it with her own two eyes. So, of course Stevie rolls into the club with Josaline as they are discussing the issue and this whole thing is looking more and more contrived by the second. K. Michelle plays Kesha for a moment, and got ghost, with a couple of the other girls, when the duo arrives at her table. I mean, K Michelle just got her hair done and she is not looking to get any drinks thrown onto it. What I need to know is why Stevie asks Mimi to go over and talk to Josaline? I guess he thinks she is going to be able to squelch Mimi’s fear that the two of them are fucking. Mimi tells Joseline that she has been going through so much with Stevie, as if Joseline gives a fuck.

While I feel that Karlie was intentionally being messy, she is at least going up to Mimi and asking her if she needs to make a choice between her, and working with Stevie in the studio. Mimi says that she would never put her in that position. Ariane wants to know what led Karlie to believe that Joseline and Stevie were “together.” Side Note: Anyone else think that Joseline sounds… “slow,” when she speaks? Anyway, she threatens Karlie, stating that she is being asked questions that will “fuck her up” in the end. In response to that, Karlie goes on to call Joseline and Stevie J all the way out, letting Mimi know how they were acting at lunch and that she did see them kissing. So, I guess Karlie has decided that she won’t be working with Stevie, after all. He calls her a rat, in confessional, but I would call that being a good friend. I STILL don’t know how she didn’t know her so-called friend was in a relationship with Stevie J. But, this is “reality” TV, which means it’s the exact opposite of that. Mimi doesn’t want to hear his lame, weak denials, and Stevie and Joseline accuse Karlie of getting a kick out of the mess SHE started. Really? I think the mess started when y’all started fucking. Just a hunch!

Ariane tries to save her friend, but Mimi just sits there as if she doesn’t know how to get up. Eventually, she figures it out and they exit stage left. Stevie J jumps over the couch to chase after Mimi, and Joseline throws a drink at him to single him back and let him know that she is not happy. Like the mindless, “I think with my dick,” puppy that he is. He runs back to Joseline and escorts her out the club. He then decides he must not be looking like much of a man, so he throws a drink back at Joseline once they are outside, messing up her “forur” wrap. Someone needs to tell her that “fur” only has one syllable.

Joseline goes to sit in the car and Mimi is standing by as Stevie follows behind, getting into the backseat with Josaline. Mimi is all like, “Really?” Yes, bitch, REALLY! She stalks up to the car and throws the door open and Stevie was like, “It wasn’t me!” “I was looking for you!” Joseline just wishes that Mimi would go home and “deal with her emotion” so that she and Stevie can go to the studio, where she is going to make him a billion dollars. I guess in her language “making a billion dollars” means “choking on ones dick.” In the end, after unsuccessfully convincing Mimi to go with both he and Joseline (huh?), Stevie decides to ride off with Joseline, and that’s where the show ends.

Based on the previews, this season is going to be a hot ass, drama-filled, mess; and I can’t wait!

Thanks for reading my review! If you would like to see the full episode before the premiere on Monday, Miss Jia has it up. Check it out on her site!

If you like what you see, be sure to follow my blog to keep up with all of my recaps, and share it with your friends!

Peace.

Update:

Did, I say my name was Joseline, Daddy? I meant Shenellica!

The above is a mugshot of someone named Shenellica. Looks like Jos has had a lot of work done. I don’t blame her for changing her name, though. “Shenellica” is tragic.