Sunday, March 31, 2013

Weird that I'm writing this early, isn't it? Well it's Sunday so that's usually how things go. I'm usually hanging around the house doing little chores, practicing, and studying. Today's already been pretty good because I re-read the first chapter of Statistics for the third time and did the individual multiple choice questions at the end of the chapter. Apparently Sipic's tests are multiple choice as well so I'm off to a pretty good start for week 1.

Today I'm also planning on doing the multiple choice questions. Terry got those done two days ago and met with Carbaugh to check to see if the questions were right so I'm going to do the same. I remember thinking that was a really good idea last quarter but never actually got to it. His office is right after my class that ends at 10 so I'll be able to stop in tomorrow morning. The first test is probably going to be on either Thursday or Friday morning.

This month the guitar is going to be really big with practicing my guitar because I have my first big recital on the 24th and that damn song has to be like... second nature. Like I should be able to sing along with it if I wanted too. Granted I won't because that would sound silly. BUT. It needs to be THAT memorized, and starting tomorrow I will have 23 days to accomplish this.

Nylon string classical guitars have a standard look but different body shapes and ring designs around the hole. I personally like this one because of the drop on the right and the very plain border hole versus something gahdy looking.

I was such a jerk, I dropped my acoustic on the ground a couple days ago and I've been too lazy (and haven't wanted to spend the time and money) to get a new string put on at Boogie man. My Grandpa's poor guitar is in danger of breaking down, I'm afraid. So I get nervous to continue using it. I borrowed Kat L.'s guitar which is an Ibanez and I have not been able to finger pick very accurately on it because the strings are much closer together than my Grandpa's classical. I have decided that tomorrow I am going to bring Grandpa's acoustic to Boogie Man, get the D string restrung and hopefully get a proper diagnosis on whether or not I should continue playing it at these extensive hours.

So I need a new classical nylon string acoustic before the bridge rips off of my Grandpa's. Or do I. Do I really need it or do I just want a new guitar?

My intuition actually tells me that I just want a new guitar, and to go get it restrung Tuesday for $10. Fair enough. I don't want to ask Terry for help on it. He's an experienced guitarist himself so he will know it's so lame of me to not be able to do this anyway. Believe it or not though classical guitars are some of the hardest to restring and messing with it myself will almost inevitably lead to unnecessary scratches.

Anyway I'm gonna get going. Got more stuff to do. My phone's pretty much toast because I spilt water on it last night, ugh! Technology is really eating a hole in my pocket lately

Saturday, March 30, 2013

I would usually talk to Katelynn about this and save my bloggers from that but needless to say I can no longer communicate with Katelynn so this is the next best thing. I think someone's kind of taken interest in me

I hadn't noticed him that much on the first day but we did have a quick conversation on Wednesday after the firealarm in Statistics. We spent about a half hour talking that day because we got coffee at the building next to Shaw. He plays baseball at central so has to works out really rigorously. I would never want to wake up at 5:40 am to get to the gym at 6 to work out two hours before class. That just seems like a huge pain in the ass, ha ha, but I respect him enough for doing that.

Anyway I went out to dinner with my parents yesterday. I drove over to Union Gap to meet with them were we ate at a Shari's. My Dad HATES when I text at the table so I didn't text him at all that day except for to ask what his specialization was. He's specializing in Finance which is what I've been considering switching my major too.

NOT because of this. Good lord, no, you know me I never make major decisions based on a guy's interest.

What mainly had me thinking about switching majors was that I've been really inspired by my professor in my Statistics class to keep working at this. Business math gets crazy and frustrating but I've got the groundwork for accounting, economics and finite math under my belt so I feel I could keep doing these finance classes into my Senior year instead of doing Human Resource management..

Because even if every company has those, they're just kind of used as the last mediator when there's problems in the workplace and hire/fire people. That means I'd be dealing with breaking people's hearts when they have to go home to their family to say they don't have a job. I just don't know if I can do that.

I feel that I'm a leader and that if I were to ever work for a company I would want to be helping make actual decisions.

Anyway so Terry came over around 10' or so last night and I showed him around my house a bit. He looked around my room and asked what I do on the weekends and asked, "What do you do on the weekends?" I quickly respond, "Play guitar all day, ha ha ha." I sort of dodge the subjects of my weekends because up until about halfway through winter quarter I was barely doing anything on the weekends except go home to see Katelynn. And now that I'm not friends with Abe anymore, I don't know where parties or anything are located.

We got along really well. He's really sarcastic and competitive so we give eachother a lot of shit and can laugh a lot. He seems to like me quite a bit but I'm taking things really slow. I'm really interested to get to know him more because he's got a lot of similar hobbies that I do and I think we could have a lot of fun doing things together if he's not as competitive as he seems, ha ha ha.

Athletic guys are usually really afraid of girls being clingy because their time is so limited, so I'm giving him his space to kind of invite me when he wants to do things until we know eachother. I'm looking forward to the next time I see him, which will probably be Monday.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Damn, today was interesting. Definitely more interesting than what I had to tell you yesterday so excuse me if I go on.

Econ today was different because we had a professor from a different class. There's an older lady in my class that I sit next to in my statistics class as well that's very eager and raises her hand continually to either ask questions or answer about something... which usually only people do if they know the answer. Usually in Carbaugh's class I will just respond answers when he does the call and response thing. I like when teachers do that a lot because it keeps me paying attention.

Anyway she continued to do that again today. I noticed this morning that a guy that I sit next to in my Statistics class also sits directly across from me in economics. We had caught eachothers eyes this morning and I'm like, huh, wonder if I'll sit next to him again today. Sometimes people rearrange themselves in class. I'm pretty happy with my seating this quarter because I got my spot in economics again that I was in last quarter, it's really easy to see there and keeps me from looking at other people.

She would wear rings that look like this, except daintier looking and silver. I'm not going to lie I think this ring is really cool. Even if this girl's voice used to bother me she has good taste.

That girl that sat next to be kind of in econ last quarter with the blonde hair and really perfectly coordinated clothes last quarter-- she's in two of my classes this quarter. I'm starting to really recognize more people in the business program which is cool though I don't know how consistent it'll remain when I get into my major next year. Anyway that girl used to distract me because she'd wear this ring that looked like two hands crossing over your finger, it was the weirdest looking ring and my eyes always ended up drawn to it. Not anymore though, she doesn't sit next to me anymore.

Continuing on here.. went back to my apartment for two hours, ate and relaxed. I have to say I'm liking my schedule with the two hour breaks. It gives me a chance to recharge before my classes and I've been absorbing so much information because I've been studying throughout the day instead of globbed up in the morning. Maybe as much as I try I am not a morning person after all, maybe this is better for me. We'll see.

Then Statistics. I sat in my regular seat. This is the first time I actually looked at this guy (his name is Terry) who I sat next to yesterday and felt awkward because he kept on looking at my notes. First thing I notice is a tattoo of a scroll on his arm. I also noticed that his arms are huge. He's tall and clearly very dedicated to his body because it'd take so much work to get like that.

I then looked at his hands, which stood out to me more than anything because I noticed that he had really big hand muscles under his pinky (these muscles grow as you play guitar, or I suppose work out too. Guys tend to get more prominant hand muscles like that-- I remember Jack's hands were similar) and I started wondering if he played guitar.

At this point we'd made eye contact a solid number of times. Yesterday he tried to kind of get my attention by asking me what the histogram on my paper was for and I said "...Yesterday's questions on page 5." Lol. If he was trying to make small talk there I didn't take a hint. I decided to ask him a few minutes before class started if he's in my economics class, and he said that he was and we started talking a little from there.

He does play guitar. I don't know how rigorously now that I know more about him because I can't imagine he has time.

Fire alarm goes off in my Stats class. My teacher was like, "What the Hell? Okay see you all tomorrow..." Lol I like Sipic, I was actually kind of looking forward to lecture today which is almost painful to admit because I can't believe i'd ever want to listen about studying datapoints....

I followed Terry out of Shaw outside where people were standing around. I introduced myself and Terry told me he was done for the day and we started to walk around and get to know eachother a little bit. He seems like a pretty level headed guy, he's majoring in business administration too.

I was really surprised that Terry invited to give me a ride back after class. I told him he really didn't have to because I have a bike but he said he had a truck that we could load it into. Again, cool to get to talk to him. He likes tennis so that's a plus too, I want to play so badly.

Then my public speaking class, which was also fun today. We did self introductions followed by an "interesting fact, for example how you get to school every day." Well, almost everyone in the class said how they get to school... on a bike, in their car, yadda yadda. Some people were more creative on what they said. I'd actually rehearsed mine a little in the mirror at home because I know that I have a tendency to talk really fast when I'm even a little nervous.

Here's the average speech: "Hi my name is " " and how I get to class is I drive my car... any questions?"

This was my speech: "Hello, my name is Emily and one of my favorite highlights of the day is cranking up my music and speed-biking to class. I'd like to open up for questions."(this was funny, lol)

There's a really attractive, egotistical (okay, maybe "cocky" seems like a better word here. He seems like a nice guy, but during his speech you can just tell he was loving the squeels of the girls in the audience) guy in my class that shot his hand up immediately and asked what my favorite band is that sends me flying.

I responded "Dream Theater" and he's like "WHAT! Are you serious?! They're amazing, what do you think of their new drummer?" I just said "I can't think of their drummer right now, but John Petrucci is a huge inspiration to me."

He went on asking a stream of questions. I actually cut him off and said "Okay then! Is there any more questions?" That was just meant to be a joke so hopefully I don't get docked for being rude or something

I should have said their old drummer was better. At least that's what Jacob says.

Well to be honest I'm glad I didn't act like I knew, it wouldn't be fair because I haven't paid much attention to either drummers. For future reference the drummer for Dream theater currently is Mike Mangini. He doesn't have as many flashy pictures as if you look up Petrucci or Labrie with their wild locks everywhere, ha ha ha.

Wow, okay here's Mark Portnoy. Now if this were simply a LOOKS competition yes I could tell you who fits better in Dream theater from these two pictures. But how do their skills compare? Couldn't tell you.

Anyway it was a good day. Had a lesson with Jacob today and mentioned that I'd subscribed to Luke Jaeger's page. He's like "So when's you guy's date?" I'm like wowwww. He jokes about it because apparently this guy never dates anyone, like he's apparently got the highest standards in the entire world and never has found anyone that suits him... or maybe he does and just acts like he doesn't have contact with anyone. That's interesting to me too. Jake told me that whenever Luke thinks a girl is interested in him he backs off bad so I have to make sure that if I do meet him I do not come off flirtatious what so ever.

Just look how f*cking perfect that is though. It's insane. I would love to get lessons from him someday, he's a master. Lol I think of it like Jacob is my sensei and this guy is HIS sensei. I still have.... mass amounts to learn from Jacob. Actually getting to where Jacob is today will take years, and I'll be lucky if I half as good as Luke in 10,000 hours.

I love the guitar so much, my soul sometimes feels so engrossed that when I play the neck feels like part of my body.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

It's unfortunate that some people have to act so rudely to get through their every day life, even if that person is quite attractive. It's like girls that think they're just too hot for everyone so they choose to flaunt it by acting like a bitch to everyone without consequences. It's kind of nasty, honestly.

I'm happy I'm not one of these people. To be honest I just all around can't stand mean people. Like I will try to find the good in anyone but the second that you act straight out mean and hateful toward people for whatever irrational reason you're only setting yourself up to be a very alone person.

I don't know, just something on my mind right now...I just wish it wasn't this person's girlfriend that didn't hate me automatically. And she posted this picture today that was just... blegh, so dark and trashy looking--we're not on the same wavelength and I know that there's no way this person will ever like me or want me around in their personal life.

I'm making chicken. It's 7:10 and I haven't studied yet today but I did a very good job of staying alert in class today. That's a plus, thanks Rhodiola or whatever that stuff my sister's boyfriend is selling me.

It's an energizing multi-vitamin, very good!

Well I went on Katelynn's facebook today and noticed that I am not the only person she's cut out of her life. She's also cut out all of Alan's other friends like Chint and Stu and is no longer friends with Shyanne either. I hate to say that I'm a little relieved because Katelynn has actually done this before when she has problems that she builds up and doesn't tell anyone.. but it usually doesn't extend to me. This time she's cut me out and just like Jon A. after they broke off their engagement I am totally bewildered.

I just want her to be okay. I have no idea what's going on with her and nobody seems too. I presume Alan is the only one who knows and it's not like I'm going to ask him if she's doing okay because I respect her enough not to talk to her if that's what she wants.... But this has still been a hard adjustment for me to swallow.

At least school is going well. My speech class is starting to look like it's going to be one of my easier classes. I really have no trouble speaking in front of people anymore. Youtube has helped with that and saying "uhm" and "uh" too much. I just need to remember good posture. I'm not scared.

There's a lot of really flirty, hyper, tanned girls in there. Lol it seems like that's what the comm department is full of.

My statistics class, oddly enough, has a lot of attractive people in it too. Maybe people just look better because they were out in the sun all spring break. I certainly was not. Getting a tan never even crossed my mind. I love being different that way.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Today was my first day of classes and my schedule really took a toll on me physically and I'm wondering how I'm going to adjust and plan my time as efficiently as possible.

I'm taking three classes in this order:

Macro-Economics with Carbaugh, 9:00-9:50 Didn't study for this today yet, I plan to read the first review after I get offline here in a few minutes.
Today this was the hardest to pay attention because I'm very used to the format of Carbaugh's class now that I've taken him for microeconomics. I feel like it sort of gives me an edge in the class. Ha ha, in most cases over this last year I would rather not take the professor again.

Not saying I didn't enjoy listening to the professor's lectures at all or participating in the class at the time. There were just some classes that were harder than others and taking the next level up would be dreadful. Like my legal environment of business class. I liked the professor but it was so boring and two hours long.
But yeah Rob Carbaugh is an excellent professor. I try really hard to stay on top of the material outside of class because there's no excuse for not doing well on his tests. He gives students such an overabundance of tools to use to study for that I'd feel guilty not studying for the tests. He also puts a ton of work in his handouts. I printed the required 80 page packet of handouts at the BEGINNING of the quarter this time. Cost me $2 to print in the library (getting the hang of the ugly Mac system). They're double sided and out of order currently but they're all there.

Business Statistics with SipicStudied this for TWO SOLID HOURS....

Okay this professor inspired me today. He's AWESOME. My favorite kind of no bullshit professor. He's Croatian, so his accent sounds similar to Russian. It was hilarious today though, every time he impersonated an American coming to talk to him he would go out of his Croatian accent and do this funny sort of "Anglo-"American accent that sounded like the clear eyes guy.

He spent a lot of the class discussing that Statistics is exactly and the importance of data in the everyday world and why you should care about learning it. He said that when he's talked to major companies their supervisors usually say they're looking for employees that know statistics and how to analyze data.

There was sort of lightbulb that went off in my head when he was discussing it today and I finally realized why I'd been doing the problems that I was having such a difficult time conceptualizing in finite math. I really appreciate Dale Width for being such a laid back grader in that class because I realize now that everything that I did in that class was meant to lead up to this AH-HA moment! Yay!!

Public Speaking
This class was PACKED! There were 11 people on the wait list and I was so fortunate to be number 1 so I just got moved over to that class. Because I wasn't on the attendance list for some reason I was stressed out for most of that class. It was really crowded, I couldn't help but notice how many girls with fake tans there were in the room, I was so uncomfortable. Tomorrow I'm going to sit in the front.

I'm going to make it to my classes earlier tomorrow.. especially economics because I want to sit in the front again this quarter, the second row sucks.

I have two hour blocks in between my three classes so I'm thinking of applying for a job. That's all for today.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Enjoy this music. A guy at the computer store was listening to this, great ambient for studying!

Today was a good day for a number of reasons, even if I can't help but be slightly saddened that my break is over. I got my computer back up and running for about $250. Spotify is working again and my computer is running faster than ever. I plan to take better care of it this time.

My friend and I didn't talk for two days but I got a text from him today so that was nice. I thought he wasn't talking to me because the first couple times we hung out it was slightly awkward. I'm happy to have found someone that can understand me similar to what I feel Katelynn did. He is very intelligent. Filling the void emotionally from what I lost when I lost Katelynn has been something that I'm surprised has been resolved so quickly.

I didn't end up getting my books or anything like that set up. That's a first day of classes thing, anyway. I am just going to bring my 5-subject notebook. I've been asking God to help me get more efficiency is a human being. I notice that my thought process is often stubborn and makes me do things in an order that I think would be "easiest to hardest" or the most enjoyable in comparison with what is the most efficient route. For instance, in the grocery store I make a list and find each item individually in the order of the list to get a better walk and really look around. Most people would find this incredibly silly and inconvenient. Granted I don't stick to the list perfectly OCD style, but I do take many trips around the store in circles.

Living on my own has made me more efficient with chores because they are becoming more of a hassle. One of the last days that Katelynn and I spent together it literally took me two hours to do the dishes in my house. I'm not even joking. I was so grossed out by the accumulation of a day and a half of dishes in our house that I had to prioritize which were the dirtiest. Plus I was snacking and making MORE dishes.... Going to the store is no longer so fun for me and I just want to get my stuff and get out. I bought a few things at Fred Meyer the other night when I thought I didn't actually have school until NEXT Monday. Err.... luckily I scrolled down the facebook wall and someone had posted about it. I then texted Trent and got that confirmed. He's like "Uh duh!"

He can't criticize too harshly because I've been without the internet for a good portion of this month. My computer crashed around the 5th or so. Honestly I haven't played much more but I did pay more attention to the intricate detail of my pieces when I wasn't working with the computer screen in the background. I did use youtube on my phone, which was all I really needed to stay sane. I watched episodes of educational reality shows that have leaked onto the internet from the BBC.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Okay. Here I am. Still here in Benton city. It's 12:33 pm. All my stuff is in my car, I have a few pieces of laundry tumbling around in the dryer... I have makeup on and got a good night's sleep but I have horrendous bags under my eyes. I guess there's been a lot on my mind lately. Granted I've been happy, probably happier than I've been in awhile. I usually feel this after coming home, visiting with my friends and family, and then leaving feeling refreshed.

I don't leave my calendar open when I'm home. I don't make a daily checklist either. I just do whatever I want and let the day come to me as it will. In Ellensburg however I find it necessary on the weekdays to write out everything that I need to get done. Maybe it's because I'm living alone or because I have more responsibilities.

It's probably because in college I am 100% accountable for myself, my work, etc... If I stub by toe there's no point of screaming "SH*T!" because there's nobody around to hear it-- versus here at home where if I'd stub my toe the whole house would have to hear about it. It's funny, I find myself falling into old cursing habits when I come home, especially when I'd hang out with Katelynn, but I don't normally curse at school unless I'm around people that make me nervous or intimidated.

I'm trying to cut back on my cursing immensely. It's hard because I got really accustomed to it at home as an anger release, but now I just think of it as something that breeds bad karma. My Dad has been yelling at my mom so much lately and he's practically impossible to communicate with. I know he realizes that we know that he's doing it too but he's afraid of losing his sense of authority if he doesn't yell all the time. He would get so much more respect out of everyone if he would just calm down, but something tells me he can't help it. He has to yell at people or he feels like nobody's listening...

That or he does it because he's bored and it gives him some kind of satisfaction to yell at us. I don't know. I've helped my mom take everything with a grain of salt with him because I understand now that it's just in his nature to behave this way. It's unfortunately not going to change, and I sincerely believe that he loves us. I just want him to calm down and enjoy life a little more.. But at the same time I think he enjoys getting pissed off about things.

My Mom is so loving and positive but for the sake of convenience and Avery and I's sanity growing up my parents always stuck together and we've always been a family. It's an interesting relationship. My Dad's really smart, I realize that more now as I've gone to school longer because this stuff is difficult. My Dad told me hardly any of this stuff that I'm learning I will have to take directly from memory to work in the future.

Honestly I'm not thinking much about that-- my future in the professional world that is. The most important time is the present. I'm trying to do college to the best of my ability, period. Next quarter I've got statistics, professional speaking and macroeconomics and for the next week or so I'm planning on checking out what to anticipate.

Uh let's see, what else....

Clothes. My mom and I went into town and I got some new clothes to wear. That was kind of a nice confidence boost and feeling of new beginnings after losing Katelynn. I honestly feel that now that we're not best friends anymore I will start wearing brighter colors. I've come to realize that one of the only reasons I wore only dark clothes was because I wanted to stay humble to keep her in my life. Maybe subconsciously I felt that if I dressed girlier she would think I was becoming like my mom and sister and not want to be friends with me. It's all really strange.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that now that Katelynn is not in my life I feel like my main source of judgement for what's happening in my life is gone...

My Mom and I tried to have a discussion with my Dad earlier and I backed up my Mom that he often acts out of line. I surprisingly was able to make him stay and talk for 10 minutes and actually admit that he does act unreasonable. He gets really defensive when you hold him accountable for his behavior at all. It's impossible for my Mom so I kind of have to back her up when he starts screaming about absolutely nothing of importance.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Well this is my last night at home for my spring break. Today was a pretty great day and I have no complaints about being here. I plan to be here until tomorrow evening after I hang out with a friend of mine. We were originally going to hang out this evening but he had some work to do.

Today started out with a bath. For some reason the hot water heater hasn't been working very well in our house and I've found I'd rather sit in a half full hot bath than take a 2 minute shower. My hair has felt kind of dry lately, I should probably get a trim when I get back to Ellensburg. That's definately on my to-do list for the next week. That and studying the basics of Statistics before that class via youtube videos. I feel like I've taken a long enough vacation to get some work done now.

Guitar went well. The student that was scheduled to go after me was MIA again so I was able to spend some extra time with Jacob. He showed me one of the guitarists that taught him named Luke Jaeger and showed me a bunch of his youtube videos. I remember Jacob telling me about Night Terror in Seattle and Luke is the main guitarist. He's one of Jacob's top three favorite guitarists that have inspired him to get to the level that he is-- Luke Jaeger, John Petrucci and... someone else. I can't remember the third.

Check out a video of this beast.

What's even more astounding is that he's had jaw dropping ability for nearly all his life. Jacob also showed me a couple videos from his performances in a 7th grade talent show. It's so hilarious when the camera pans around the room to see the kid's faces as chunky kid throws down this incredible work.

As you can see in this video he's not chunky anymore. Actually he's more ripped than you can see in this video. He does a couple videos shirtless. He's clearly very driven on self perfection. I sort of wonder if part of what inspired him to be like this is that he got picked on.... or not, or maybe he had all the confidence in the world from day one.

Anyway I wonder if I know Jacob long enough if I will ever come into contact with this person. He seems like an interesting character and he's incredibly talented, it'd be cool to see what his story was growing up.

Invention No. 8 in F major is going well. I really want to step up my practice to a couple hours a day when I move back to Ellensburg. Maybe I'll even go out on a limb and try to do three hours like when I first started. Playing three hours now is much harder than it seemed back then when this was all new to me. I'm a much better player now so you think this would be more enjoyable...

I can feel my hands pulsating when I close my fists. I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

It's 9:00 am. A friend of mine texted me at 1 in the morning and I did not fall back asleep. I feel asleep at around 6 or 7. I really would have liked to of exercised but not having my computer has made it a little more difficult. Today is Wednesday which means I have two more days here before I intend to go back (on Friday).

I plan on seeing Kari H. tomorrow! We communicate a lot on facebook and I plan to swing by and talk with her before my guitar lesson. I'd like to get back into the routine if waking up early in the morning.

Life has been quite strange the past couple days. After Katelynn and I stopped being friends I had a hard time believing it was real. I've recapped the entire story of what happened in my head numerous times and as the days pass details are becoming cloudier. I will try to back up to the very beginning, which was the day before the party. It's story time people!

Spring Break Party-- My first party with booze,Trying to find closure with Katelynnand the Situation 3/13/2013.

Prologue: Katelynn and I hung out the previous night and walked around Richland. Things seemed fine, just like any other regular night. I brought over the last of some brownies I had left in the freezer which we enjoyed. They were quite old, admittedly.

Katelynn and I went to the drive through at McDonalds that night over by Leyte, which I remember Jacob M. worked at for quite awhile. Jacob and I were friends and I liked him for awhile my Sophomore year-- I think after I dated Chino and right before I got my license. Anyway, that's off topic. We went to THAT McDonalds.

I ate a chicken sandwich and fries. I admitted that it tasted pretty good but when we took a walk that evening I started to feel sick. Katelynn is applying for a job at McDonalds while she looks for work elsewhere. I understand in her circumstances looking for work in this difficult economy you have to take what you can while you look for work to maintain your lifestyle.

I feel as though Katelynn might have gotten sick of my problems because they seem petty to her. I can understand that. I don't have to work and I still complain about being nervous about money. My parents have supported me while Katelynn's parents have caused her financial stress since she was 16. I've always respected Katelynn for being more independent than I am and I appreciate her for that.

Ryan, a friend of Katelynn's who at one time dated Katelynn's other friend Toni. Toni and Katelynn had a falling out and Ryan lost touch with Katelynn somewhere around our Junior year of highschool. Ryan is a really cool guy and plays the drums.

Behind him is Brandon. I can't remember how Katelynn met Brandon exactly, but I was very happy when they arrived pretty shortly after the RSVP time (8:00).

Katelynn was excited to help me plan for the party the night before and I was really nervous to have the party at all. I guess I'm always like that-- I always think "Oh GAHD nobody's going to show up!!" but people eventually do and I'm a happy camper. Because tonight was my first party with alcohol I was especially nervous. What if people drink too much? What if Jacob shows up and I make an ass of myself? Katelynn and I cleaned the house... well, predominantly Katelynn cleaned it. I'm not going to lie guys, I am a puss when it comes to being tired. It's really hard for me to wake up if I didn't sleep well the previous night, even if I have a party that day. I slept at Katelynn's house the last night on their couch and I wasn't able to sleep at all so I found I was rather bitchy that night without even trying to be.

That is, completely unintentionally bitchy. I would never want to hurt Katelynn, ever. I feel like sometimes I just go on bantering about things but I'll end up saying something that could have offended her even if it had nothing to do with her necessarily.

Katelynn wiped off the counters, vacuumed the living room and probably straightened up the living room while I was.... in my bedroom, with Miranda, trying to sleep so that I didn't act feel and unintentionally act like a moody, lathargic bitch all evening. At around 8:00 Katelynn's friend Ryan showed up, who is the bearded gentleman in the picture. We all had fun hanging out and chatting for about an hour and a half before anyone else showed up-- but needless to say I was a little nervous when 9:30 was rolling around and nobody else had showed up yet.

One of the things I said that probably offendid Katelynn: "Why isn't anybody showing up!" I must have said this 3 or 4 times... It's not like I in any way meant that Katelynn and her friends aren't somebody to me. I was just as excited to have them there as everyone else. I was just thinking of how bad it would be if nobody that Jacob knew had showed up to my party and how lame it would be to say, "Err... yeah I tried to plan that buttttt...."

Brandon and Ricky were the next to arrive. I was sort of surprised they showed up, they brought a couple six packs too. That night I had bought a 28 can-box of Coors light, I believe-- I'm not that particular.

Then Glenn and Adolfo showed up, and shortly after Rhiannon, Kevin and Sheldon M. When Jordan S. showed up with his girlfriend I was like, yay! This is officially a party. I felt there was a respectable amount of people to not be considered a "kickback"-- which is impressive to me because usually Benton City is such a far drive nobody wants to come out here.

Samantha and Shawn were invited but were unable to make it because Shawn had to work in the morning. Josie originally told me she wasn't going to make it because she had a final the next day but then showed up shortly after Joan and Jared.

There's me and Josie. As you can see we're wearing practically matching attire unintentionally, ha ha. Basics are the best clothes. Anyway she dropped in briefly, we talked about college and kind of joked around with Joan and Jarred before they left too. Joan must be on spring break too. He lives in Pullman. Josie is currently going to cbc and will graduate in good time. She didn't do running start in highschool so I'm pretty sure she's in her second year there.

Anyway the night rolled on. We got more drunk. I tried to hang out and talk with everyone at one point or another so I didn't spend the whole time with Katelynn. I figured she was having a good time because she was hanging out with the friends that she'd brought.

As people started to leave I started to move the party outside because my sister had class in the morning. As you can see I sat down next to Katelynn and asked her friend to take these pictures. Again, thought we were having a really good time.

Fast forward to after the party. It's the day after and I'm exhausted hanging around the house all day. I get a text from Katelynn asking if I was busy-- and I wasn't, really. That morning I'd seen Rhiannon briefly and we walked around town for a little bit before she went to work. She had told me about a party she was going to and told me she would talk to Sheldon about me coming.

When Katelynn asked what I was doing I told her I might hit up Connor (granted I had tried but he didn't get back to me. I haven't seen him a pretty long time) but then later said I was planning to go to bed after all.

That day my Mom informed me that Katelynn had posted a status about like... 'so much for my friends being there for me' or something along those lines. I didn't see the post because my computer has been broken and I was using my cell phone which cut back my facebook contact reliability pretty significantly.

The next day Katelynn texted me saying she didn't want to be friends anymore with no real explanation other than that she felt the only time I was listening to her was when we were talking about me.

I would have to disagree but this is the way that she felt and she has every right to cut me out of her life. I just have a hard time believing it.

Forward: Messaged Sarah on facebook the day of the text messages. She told me that Katelynn does this unexpectedly, which I'm aware of, but I never thought it would be me. I thought I would continue to be the constant variable in her life. But times are changing, our lives are changing... And she wholeheartedly meant what she said and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'm just trying to move forward. Without my best friend I feel rather empty. She was a person that I grew up with in many ways, our personalities developed together through adolescence. I'm going to miss her.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

I've been avoiding writing today because it makes me sick to even think about it. That, and typing on my Mom's computer is a huge pain. I lost a friend today.

I felt as though part of me had died this morning when Katelynn told me out of the blue that she didn't want to be friends anymore. She sent me a text at 9 am: "Take those pictures down." Initially confused, I thought it was for her job interview. She told me no, that she feels our friendship should be over, and that for a long time things have felt very "one sided" and she's tired of making an effort.

Taken last night at Sheldon's birthday party that Rhiannon had invited me too. I had also seen Rhiannon at my party two days ago and at the coffee shop yesterday. We've become better friends since RadCon recently but more than likely we'll end up losing touch until summer.

I started crying, embarrassingly enough because I was surrounded by practical strangers on my friend Sheldon M.'s living room couch. These guys are really nice, though. I was super shocked though, like my body felt sort of numb and my head ached from drinking the night before. I had gone into town to buy my Dad some Matrix hair gel but didn't find it at three places. I ended up buying a generic version at Sally's and he yelled at me for that tonight. I don't blame him, he gave me $100 and I spent all of it... $35 of which for my own stupidity.

I locked my keys in my car last night and had to call a tow guy to come open my car door. When he showed up I had been crying for about an hour. I told him not to come until 10:15 and I was even struggling going home.

A couple people that were at the party didn't know why I was making such a big deal about it because some friends get in fights and make up quickly. Katelynn and I have had our ups and downs. She's stopped being my friend for a period of time and then we've picked up again. Some of my most vivid memories have been spent with Katelynn-- from the System of a Down concert, the Coheed concert, the tons of nights hanging out watching Southpark and Netflix enjoying eachother's company... It's always loved being with Katelynn, she's one of the primary reasons I come home.

Of all the things in my life I never thought that would be threatened. I thought we were going to be "friends forever," and I know that sounds clique but I really did get my tattoo on the back of my neck to prove that. Like granted they're not the same tattoo, and now I'm really glad Katelynn and I did not get tattoos together.... I've come to realize that relationships change in life.

My heart still hurts. I find myself considering the things I've said and wondering if there were signs. Just the other day I told her I loved her. She posted a status about me. I actually texted her to apologize for not "liking" it within a day because my computer's been busted. Who would do that if they didn't care. I also brought her some clothes she'd left at my house the other day even if the trip was kind of out of my way. I try to put effort into our friendship, I always did to the best of my ability.

But the more I think about it the more I realize maybe things weren't quite perfect in our relationship even if I failed to realize it. Katelynn told me to take our pictures down on facebook but I refused because the photos are special to me.

We haven't necessarily talked with her any less since I've moved off to college. In fact I'd say I am home on average more than most people. I said this to Katelynn and she says she definitely understands being busy and it's the time we spend together that has bothered her lately. What's sad is that she hasn't told me anything. I always told Katelynn to tell me if something bothered her, but she said it's been a number of things. There's nothing in specific.

I've just felt crazy all day-- very tired, lightheaded, lazy and unproductive. I only practiced for 40 minutes... And I feel for the first time in years that I have nowhere to turn. Aside from my Mom that is, but I have always felt like I can tell Katelynn things that I can't tell my other friends and family.

Which means this blog will need to become even more of an outlet for me. These entries will probably become more frequent and longer. If that's a problem for anyone that's too bad, without Katelynn to talk to it's inevitable that I will need this blog and the support of many to get through it.

Thinking back to my party, I'm I've been trying to put together the pieces as to what broke the camel's back in our friendship, and some of the leading occurrences.... How about I just start out by telling you about my party.

I will make a seperate entry for this.

peace.

Avery's graduation is on June 1st. Note to self, figure out school schedule.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Wow, a lot has happened. I haven't had my computer because it broke down, and currently it's sitting fixed in the K Valley shop in Ellensburg. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my Mom's laptop eating microwaved peaches with sugar, it's delicious-- tastes just like a peach cobbler filling. I haven't eaten much good food since I got here, which is one of the major downsides of coming home. For dinner I had to practically beg my sister to give me some of the fried chicken and rice she was making. It was good, but extremely rich.

I did buy a loaf of black bread that I can make french toast with in the morning. I hate cooking anything here because cleanup is certainly NOT a breeze. The lack of organzation and abundance of dishes in our kitchen makes preparing food a challenge for me. I definately miss my kitchen in my apartment already as well as eating my normal diet.

I might be on break but I've still got a lot to think about. Tomorrow is Saturday and it's extremely important for me to get up early tomorrow to start doing laundry. I'm going to do laundry, play guitar and stay here in Benton city tomorrow unless Allie contacts me about partying. If so I will pack up my stuff again and go to Ellensburg.

I need to buy some stuff tomorrow, get stoked up for Spring quarter. My mom is going to buy me some of that Russian Rhodiolla stuff from Jimmy. I also got my prozac perscription renewed on Wednesday.

So I had my party! I really want to talk all about it with you guys but I don't have a way of getting the pictures right now. I'm using my Mom's computer and I saved the pictures on my sister's harddrive.

Hey look!! It's 2011 Weeaboo Emily, hello!!

Finds on my Mom's computer....

Me and Eddie Schmann. Needless to say I did not upload his on facebook. Taken the weekend of Kuro Neko con at Golden Corral.

There's a lot of stuff on this computer that I've saved as far back as 2008 that I'd like to get rid of. Thanks to facebook there's about 6 of this same picture with slightly different smirks on my face. ﻿

So I will talk about the party another time, maybe tomorrow, who knows. I don't have anything going on tonight and I'm sure there's raging parties all over Ellensburg. I bet Abe is having a GRANDDDD time. Blugh, so frustrating. We're done, he wants nothing to do with me. I probably did freak out on him a little bit after not seeing him for four weeks but all of my friends say it was reasonable.

I'm not looking back. I know that Abe is attracted to me physically but he doesn't want what I want. He has other things on his mind being 20 years old than having a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting him to be my boyfriend but I like consistancy. My love life is very interesting because I don't seem to ever consistantly interact withone person. Guys tend to like me initially for one reason or another but the circumstances in our lives are always wrong.

Maybe if I went after guys that had more similar backgrounds as I do I would have better luck. I don't really understand why my choice in men has always not gotten me very far dating wise. I am aware that I have a very strong personality that not many people can fully understand or cope with on a day to day basis, I believe. It's not that I turn people off, actually people tend to gravitate toward me because my problems with relationships are relateable and not many are willing to vocalize on it.

But my own relationships don't go very well. Granted, 2012 was much better than 2011, in every way shape and form and it all boils down to having a higher self esteem thanks to the guitar and having something to funnel my time and energy into. I'm now in my twelveth month playing and I will now be able to tell people I've been playing "1 year ___ months" etc instead of just "5 months" or whatever. I can say that my life has gotten a lot better over the past year, including in my dating life because I've stopped settling for garbage.

However not settling for what I'm not totally attracted to has left me sort of lonely this last year. Of course we're now coming to the end of the first quarter of 2013. 2012 ended hard with stress and anxiety but most of that has alleviated itself by now. That alone is all I can ask for. Prayer has helped me a lot over the past few months too. I've also been trying to meditate more often which can be very challenging.

I need to play more guitar. Jacob gave me an entire hour and a half lesson yesterday which was awesome because he was really able to help me with Invention. It's a brilliant piece, I'm super excited to have it learned. Jake told me that if I get this down my playing will improve immensely. He's such an incredible teacher I really hope give my own students the same quality Jake has given me.

Friday, March 8, 2013

"Sample Photo." I'll put this as my cover photo on facebook. Hey guys look how cool this picture is that you also all had on your windows computer when you bought it.

Why am I wasting my picture bandwidth on this. I've got to be getting to my maximum of available uploads on this site....

The f am I going to do with myself until Monday.

So did I tell you guys that my computer's busted? I'm in the library right now trying to get my fill and maybe print out some tabs before I go back. It's really hard to be in my room without the computer because it's so quiet and I do like youtube, netflix, etc while I play guitar. Guitar Pro is on that computer too, which is another thing I don't want to lose.

It's definately worth it to spend some money to get that computer fixed instead of trying to fix it myself and potentially making things worse. It's going to cost about $110.

I woke up today feeling really lazy. I was up late last night because I was thinking about Abe and how I really don't think I'm going to see him again. I just feel like he's avoiding me or something and I don't want to bother him but it's still a depressing thought. It's been 4 weeks, officially, since we've hung out together.

Right now I have $1,400 in my account that I live on. I feel like I've been depleating my funds at a relatively steady rate. I haven't been splurging on anything really, I pay my $80 a month for guitar lessons, money for gas, groceries, occasional makeup and other beauty stuff... I really need to buy some clothes, though. My clothes are lose fitting and funky now, it's like I've worn them all too many times. I honestly haven't bought any new clothes for myself at all since I've moved here. Like I'll get clothes when I go home. My clothes are starting to bother me and I'm just too damn lazy to do anything about it.

I'll try to get a few new things when I go home on Tuesday.

Anyway, woke up late today, got in the shower at about 7:15 for my class at 8'. Needless to say I didn't get out the door on time, intentionally, because I had realized that we were going to have to write a paper in class today for some diagnostic thing. It's not graded, my mind was so effing exausted from the days of studying finite math for hours on end.

I got a 7 on my last midterm, and a 90.5% overall in the class. Isn't that great? My goal this quarter was to get two A's and I think I did well enough in my English class to maybe make that grade as well. If not, it's because I did bad on a couple reading quizzes which is lame.

I got an 85% in Carbaugh's ecomonics class overall. That I was pretty happy about. That class wasn't the hardest class I've ever taken but business class material is sometimes so dry it's hard to stand. I learned so much in that class this quarter, though.

OH! And I got a new student. My student Hassan refered his friend Abdull to me. I might have already mentioned that but that is really exciting to me.

I really have learned a lot these past couple quarters and I feel accomplished enough that I'm trying to just enjoy it instead of worrying about whatever else is bothering me. Things are pretty damn close to ideal for me. I just wish I knew if Abe and I were going to see eachother again or if I'm just going to hang around here until Tuesday when I go home. I'm excited for my party on Wednesday, it's going to be really fun.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I am speaking to you from probably the pinnacle of difficulty in the quarter. The few days before my final tests that I'm like ugh, hang on to your grade for dear life. This quarter one of my finals has particular importance to me, and that's my finite quiz that is happening on Thursday. I'm planning on studying for it another solid hour tonight. I've already done one and made little progress on where I feel I should be, but every time I sit down and look at it I'm making improvements. Youtube videos help, too, if I'm not getting a concept. The last hour I basically spent just trying to figure out what the assigned section he's having us work on now is talking about. I missed class today because I felt I'd be better off just coming back and cramming than trying to sit through an hour of lecture where I have no idea where he's talking about.

Matthew is very sweet, he brought by the final midterm review which is basically an introduction to statistics and it is HARD you guys... I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a hell of a time with this and I know other kids in class must be too. The girl that I sit next to in class with the blonde hair got the same low score on the half-credit quiz last Friday so I know this isn't just really difficult for me. Actually I know it's not. The reason that I want to get a good grade on this last test is just to finish the quarter well, and bump my grade back up to an A-. Right now I have an 89.5% or something like that because of the last quiz, and my last grade will be this Friday's midterm so it's really that or B. I know that he does drop a couple of the lowest scores, but I'd assume his gradesheet that he passes around reflects that.

I've worked pretty hard in that class but I don't know if I deserve an A, ha ha ha. I really didn't get most of it. Statistics is going to be so hard. Spring quarter is going to be one of the hardest I've ever taken I think. Then I've heard that the management classes aren't that hard.

Still I'm excited because there's only two more days, really. I'm done with Finite and Econ on Thursday-- which means tomorrow is going to be another day of epic studying and the more I study tonight the easier I'll make it on myself tomorrow. I've also got my English research paper due on Friday, which I started the first two paragraphs of my final draft today.

Do you guys like my studying set up?

I dragged the ikea table in from the living room to be able to sit on the floor. My heels have been hurting because I've been sitting on the floor a lot lately. I've got my econ stuff on my bed so that I switch back and forth between putting strain on my lower back and thighs, ha ha ha. Blah, it's a lot of work. I'm doing good, though, it's only 7:45 and I've spent a total of four hours studying today, played on guitar pro for 20 minutes (It's sad to say that's all the practicing I can ask for on a day like this), did some crunches and a little exercise, cooked a good dinner... It's been a relatively good day.

Aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure I've f'ed everything up with Abe with my own wackiness. I don't really know. I haven't talked to him since I pretty much flipped out on him last night for having not hung out in three weeks. I really shouldn't have done that. I know he's just as busy with his classes that I am. But I guess my own needs more more important to me yesterday. I don't really know. I hope I get to spend time with him again but I don't know if it's happening.

I'm honestly too tired to stress out too much about that now. Granted I miss him a bit, and I have for the few weeks that we haven't spent time together and I only see him for about 3 minutes between classes. I'll update you all on how that plays out later.

And to be honest with you guys I don't know if I'm super excited to move back home in a little while. I'm excited to see Katelynn and take a guitar lesson from Jake but I might not spend my whole time there. I just realized that I didn't sign up for any scholarships and I know my mom is going to ask me about that. Maybe I'm ungrateful for not taking the time to do stuff like that. Or maybe I'm just very exhausted.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Jessie, the girl that I sit next to in my economics class, and I have have not talked for over a month. I don't think she particularly likes me. I deleted her from my friends on facebook. I don't think her and my personalities really click. I'm too nice to people, ha ha ha. I'm sorry but jeez, you should have seen these nasty looks her friend was giving me when I was at this party. Her friend Alan who's apparently competed in American idol with an accent and Jessie's roommate sat with us and spent most of their time talking smack about other girls. I really had nothing to say, and found myself quiet the majority of the time. I didn't imagine I'd be hanging out with them again from that point on and I didn't realize Jessie disliked me until the night of that party.

Actually I think she'd been sort of giving me the cold shoulder for a couple weeks prior to that. Ha ha, she discovered our personalities didn't click very well before I did. I decided after that night to stop talking to her. We haven't talked ever since.

Around the same time my roommate and I stopped talking. I'm not too worried about it.

I've been watching Daria a lot on Hulu. Did I tell you guys that I've got Hulu premium? For a month or so anyway. I plan to cancel it when I'm done watching all the episodes and get sick of it. Like king of the hill, this is best taken in little chunks here and there and not watch them all back to back because they can get boring. I find this show really humorous but a little less enjoyable for me than King of the Hill for some reasons.

There's something really nostalgic feeling about Daria because it used to be on in the background at times when I was a kid but I was too young to get the humor so it never caught my attention for very long. The first episode came out in 1997, when I was six. The dull, grungy colors are very 90's feeling.

This is Trent Lane from the show Daria. Want to hear something kind of funny? The first thing I'd really recalled from the show when I was reminded that I wanted to watch it is that I thought Trent was hot. From the one or two times I probably watched it at Katharine's house when I was 9 or 10. My tastes in men have not changed what so ever, hahaha. Grungy musician types with dark hair.

No, I'm just kidding. To be honest I have no idea what my type is physically, an attractive guy is an attractive guy. I more go for good "Types." I'm not trying to stereotype but there are definitely different "Types." Like I've been attracted to cowboy types (not my thing what-so-ever but I have liked a couple), skateboarders (in my younger years), musicians, snowboarders, artists,... Idk, just as long as a guy has something that he's up too so that he's not bugging me all the time. He's got to have something going on. I used to perceive types inaccurately when I was younger.

Creative abilities are always a plus but not necessarily guitarists I've found. As I've dealt with guitarists I've learned that I don't want to date one because it's a very competitive game, ha ha ha. Okay it doesn't HAVE to be but it's what really inspires us to progress. It does not bother me that Abe doesn't practice all the time like I do.

I don't think I could ever be with someone just like me, but there are some qualities in my personality that I like a guy to have. Like I like him to be able to not humiliate himself in a large group of people. It is very important that a guy has enough composure to be around other people and not make me feel awkward. Now I am much, much less picky about this with people in general. In fact I'm an extremely tolerant person. But when it comes to someone I'm dating, having composure is an absolute plus.

I think that's one of the reasons I liked Jed quite a bit initially (I swear to God I do not still like this guy. I just have few references of guys I've really liked since I've discovered that I am qualified as a person to not settle for someone I'm not attracted too). He told me that his appearance and how he acts around people is something worth paying attention too. I understand what he means completely. Even if I don't try to second guess what I say and do in my everyday life when I do say stupid things because that's pointless (and I used to do a lot of that when I was younger) I try to say what's appropriate for a given time/who I'm talking too. We all do it. And I'm not saying you're two faced. Or have multiple personalities. But you wouldn't talk to your best friend the same way you talk to your grandmother.

It really has taken me years to manage having any kind of confidence and composure. I can look back on my old blog entries from years ago on facebook and think of this. I think life is just what you make it. How you perceive it. It's unfortunate to say that some people are born into very, very hard circumstances and find it hard to live successful, fulfilling lives because they are immobilized by the obstacles of their upbringing. Though everyone is born with a certain nature (whether or not this is inherented from your parents in some way is questionable), the things that happen in your life sculpt who you are.

When I think of people that started out with a messed up life I often think of the stories of those on Intervention. This is one of the more memorable ones, Christy.

It seems like almost all of these drug addicted women on Intervention were molested when they were younger. I would say this has a higher frequency of leading to drug dependancy than other disasters in a child's life.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

This blog is going to be short. It's 1 am. The fact that I've only practiced my guitar for an hour today and it's a Saturday is a little bit tragic, but I had a good day today.

I've felt a little icky looking the past couple days. I'm going to go to the salon and get a bang trim tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to find one open early on a Sunday. Tomorrow I also have a quick English assignment to do. Maybe start looking at economics chapter 11. That's my last chapter and there will be a last test on Thursday. I've done very well in that class. I don't think I'm going to show up on Friday just so see how I did on the test and make sure I passed the class. I know I passed. My last finite test will also be on Thursday, which will be about the statistics stuff that I told you about yesterday.

English... I have to write that research paper on exotic animal ownership. The english assignment that I'm doing tomorrow requires using the sources (that I already found in the quick lab day, mind you. There was a "seminar" by some librarians that actually proved to be very helpful. I was able to find some articles on Ebscohost that I'm going to read and use in my research paper. I asked my professor for clarity on everything. She just nodded her head, like yes, yes, that's all fine. It was kind of funny.

I will also get this started tomorrow if I'm not already seeing Abe. Oh wait.. I already did start it! I've been working very hard this past three weeks. I haven't had much... I guess distraction. But I have had a sense of longing. I like Abe, and I've had to wait for him for 3 weeks now. Originally we made plans on Thursday. Reina wanted to have lunch with me on Thursday.

Well, I thought to myself, going to lunch with Reina would be a better option because she's my friend and she's only going to be here for a little while longer. Even if I really badly wanted to see Abe, I held off. He said "tomorrow". I.e. Friday, yesterday. He told me he was getting off of work at 6. I was busy enough on Friday. I did get some practicing done, gave a guitar lesson to Hassan, etc.. But I didn't get a chance to see Abe like I'd anticipated. He texted me saying he had a bloody nose. That he got hit in the face or something and it was going to take him awhile to get out the door. I didn't hear from him for an hour and a half or so. By about 8:30 I was like okay, what's going on here... I need to get ready.

This girl named Emily invited to go to with her to a party. Well, she actually needed a ride to this party. No problem, I never know where these things are at so I wasn't too worried about it. I picked Emily up after getting Allie and we drove to this party. Emily had convinced us that instead of going to the barbeque we should go this place because there are going to be "way more people" and "way cooler." I didn't really care either way. I liked the idea of the party in town because it used less gas. I pushed the idea on Allie a bit for said reason and she said she was cool with doing whatever. We went to this party and it was packed full of people.

I mean packed wall to wall. I have no idea who any of them were. I don't think Emily knew either but I guess that's just how these shindigs are. People get dolled up and get drunk with college kids in these houses that are pretty much used exclusively for partying. Blegh, what a life.

Neither Allie or I were feeling it. I was feeling depressed because I wanted to see Abe that evening. I took this picture because I had told Allie earlier that I was talking my camera. She told me that I'm not allowed to tag her in photos because she could get in trouble. Fair enough. I just laugh because nothing about this picture would make her look like she's doing anything too devious. We were totally sober in that picture. I just wanted to get out of there.

Right now, I'm quite frustrated because I haven't seen Abe and he might be out partying tonight, who knows. It's 1 in the morning on a... technically Sunday now. Ugh, my makeup feels gross with this much eye product on. I put on my makeup and this is one of those icky nights where I have to take it all off because nothing happened. I thought for sure after this hospital nonsense Abe would want to see me but apparently he's doing his own thing. Goodnight.

Yours Truly

Soon-to-be Economics graduate planning to work the next two years before going to law school. Studying to someday be a business lawyer. I live with my amazing boyfriend Jacob. I play guitar and draw in my spare time. My cat Marshall is amazing.