Saturday, November 28, 2009

2012

The Participants: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Danny Glover, Woody Harrelson, Oliver Platt, and a cast- at least digitally- of millions.

The Dealio: End of days, based on a Mayan calendar-related threat and some junk science.

The Grading Session: 0.17 stars out of 5. Let me be perfectly honest here: I had a full-blown panic attack in the course of this movie. Which took me out of the theatre more times than I am proud of (which). However, in my defense, I have to ask "How many times can you be exposed to the catastrophic, wholesale destruction of millions, graphic scenes of California disappearing into the ocean, of people being mangled, drowned, obliterated, crushed, set on fire, blown apart, etc before you are totally in the realm of sensory overload. And the biggest rip to us (SPOILER ALERT!) was the scene where the ark couldn't close a door- thereby threatening every cussed thaang on the ark with drowning, simply because 'something bad will happen unless we clear out the jam first'. Something worse than frickin' armegeddon? Close the flippin' door, people! I'm just saying; things are already as bad as they can be! Close the bloomin' door NOW. Also- again, obligatory SPOILER ALERT!- were these arks supposed to float around forever, loaded with animals and humans, and only a finite measure of support infrastructure? Where was the food going to come from? I suspect cannibalism would have reared its ugly head in record time. I nominate Oliver Platt's character to become the first animal nom on his ark. And I am okay with this.