Dancing With the Stars standout and recent Nip/Tuck shower-scene-stealer Mario Lopez, 32, is in pain — for several reasons: The former Saved by the Bell star just strained a back muscle in rehearsal; he can’t recall which level of the L.A. parking garage his car is on; and this phone interview with EW is keeping him from a call with longtime pal Eva Longoria, who’s been offering advice on his Dancing duds. ”She’s like, ‘Don’t wear anything too tight or too flashy,”’ he recounts. ”’You still look kinda masculine.”’ But what will she think of his answers to our test?

My American Idol audition song would be: I think I’m the worst singer ever. It’d be Bob Marley ”Could You Be Loved.” I’d kinda talk through it.

The last thing I bought on eBay:A vintage boxing poster of Rocky Marciano.

If my life were a drinking game, everyone would do a shot when…Damn, I do a lot of shots as it is. Can that be my answer?

The first famous person I befriended: Ricky Schroder was shooting Silver Spoons when I was on the lot on Kids Incorporated [in the mid-80s]. In my eyes, I was his friend. To him, I was probably just an acquaintance.

What food do you sneak into the movies?I like sneakin’ in a full-on meal. Sandwiches and burritos, followed by M&M’s and popcorn. I used to go in there with, like, Baja Fresh Mexican food, but the aluminum is too loud and people get mad. You gotta go in there with quiet food.

When I’ve had a long day, I like to kick back with a: (a) Martini (b) Cold Beer (c) Pinot Noir (d) Chamomile tea

Grey Goose vodka on the rocks with a lime. To be specific.

If the TV is on at 2 a.m., I’m watching:I go straight to my TiVo, and I watch whatever I have recorded: The Sopranos, Entourage, Real Time With Bill Maher, or my guilty pleasure, America’s Funniest Home Videos. And if not, they always repeat SportsCenter on a loop.

The thing I’ve wanted to buy but am just too embarrassed to:A really nice sports car, but I don’t want to be looked at like the cheesy guy who’s trying too hard or who’s making up for his shortcomings.

Do you have any tattoos? Piercings? No tattoos. No piercings. I don’t want to mark my body. [Laughs] I’m not opposed to tattoos, but there’s nothing that I’m that passionate about that I need to express every day for the rest of my life. Plus, I don’t want it to look like a smudge later on.

Choose one: Heidi Klum or Tyra Banks?Tyra Banks. I like a little flavor in my ladies. And she’s beautiful and voluptuous, and I like a woman with curves.

Stallone or Schwarzenegger?Stallone. He’s Rocky, baby.

Rocky I or Rocky III?Rocky III. Well, obviously Rocky, because it won the Academy Award, but Rocky III was definitely the best. Mr. T as Clubber Lang, and Hulk Hogan as Thunderlips.

Grey’s Anatomy or CSI?My mom loves Grey’s Anatomy, but I haven’t seen it, so I guess I have to say CSI, right?

Fergie solo or Fergie with the Black Eyed Peas?I knew Fergie when she was Stacy Ferguson. I’ve gotta say, All Fergie all the time.

Your one-line review of Showgirls?I can’t answer that either. Those are my friends. [EW: I loved Showgirls.] Well, so did I, but if I say anything it might come across sarcastic. No comment. Don’t put ”no comment,” though! ‘Cause then it’ll look like I’m being mean. Okay, I might as well say something, because you’re gonna put ”no comment,” right? Oh, God. Just put: I love Showgirls. Exclamation point!

You’re stranded on a desert island with the cast of Saved by the Bell, and you’ve run out of food. Who do you eat first?Can’t I just say ”Any one of the girls?” Oh my God, there’s Eva Longoria calling on the other line. She’s my buddy. Can I take her? [Laughs] Can I eat her?

What plastic surgery will you have in 20 years?I’ll probably have a tummy tuck, because the way I eat, I’ll be a fatty.

The Rat Pack-er I most identify with:Dean Martin. He’s about the coolest guy ever. Honestly, I have a Dean Martin talking doll. I always try to emulate him: He was a host, and I’m a host. Guys like him. Girls like him. He always looked like he was having fun, and he made sure everybody had a good time.

Pick a Jessica: (a) Simpson (b) Alba (c) Biel (d) Tandy

Ooh, damn, that’s tough. I have to pick? [Thirteen seconds pass in silence as Lopez ponders it.] First of all, let me preface it by saying you can’t go wrong with any Jessica there — including Tandy. It’s a tie between Alba and Biel. Maybe I’ll go Biel. Biel by a hair? But I love Alba, too. Dang.

What’s in the glove compartment of your car?Registration. A lot of napkins, because I’m always spillin’ stuff. An extra pair of shades.