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Powering Your Own Nuclear Facility Via Amazon.com

Maybe you’ve made the connection, but there are an awful lot of odd products sold at Amazon. Take, for instance, this can of Uranium Ore. The reviewers say it all:

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

Or the classic:

Picked this up for use in one of my kid’s ‘diversity’ projects in school (Great Success!), and stuck the leftovers in the cabinet next to the baking soda. Ran out of toothpaste, and remembered how you’re supposed to be able to use baking soda to clean your teeth, so of course, I accidentally used this instead, and Wow! all I can say is, my teeth have never been cleaner! They sparkle, they tingle, and for some reason, they STAY clean now, no matter what. Highly recommended!

However, when I ran out of that fire-ant killer powder stuff, I figured I would try some for that too. Big mistake! Boy, it sure did not kill those ants! Fortunately, those suckers get slower as they get bigger, so I have been able to use a shovel to take care of most of them, one at a time though, the sneaky devils. And the darn trash man refuses to take them away..

I would have given this product 5 stars for the teeth and the project on embracing diversity, but I deducted one star because of the giant mutant ants.

Nice to know that Amazon would have completely changed the plot to Back To The Future, my favorite movie when I was 12. We wouldn’t need the gigawatts of lightening strikes at all if Marty could just hand Doc Brown a can of uranium to drop in the tank. Damn you, Amazon!

What cracks me up even more is that customers who viewed this item also viewed whole milk in one-gallon containers, a testicle self-exam kit, wolf urine, UFO detectors, and some report on the outlook for wood toilet seats. Party at Bob’s house Friday night!

Oh, and if that isn’t enough, Amazon likes these “buy this and get this other thing” deals. You’d think it’d be bundled with a Geiger counter, right? You’d be wrong. How about canned unicorn meat.