Can we agree now that she’s not pregnant?

Everybody was suggesting it again because she drank water on the first few days of the trip. Well, you would too if you were in that kind of heat. As you probably already know, Princess Catherine was photographed topless while on holiday in Provence last week. If you’ve seen the pictures, you’ll note that there was nothing to suggest the presence of a royal heir.

Will and Kate were staying at a private residence. Given the blurriness of the images, French paps were likely shooting from far away. British papers declined to purchase the photos. A French magazine called Closer has published them over four pages. Understandably there’s an uproar everywhere about invasion and intrusion with one UK newspaper editor sanctimoniously declaring that it was an unconscionable decision to print the pictures of the Princess naked.

The Cambridges are livid. Word is Will was tense all day when he wasn’t at an official function and now there’s not only talk of a lawsuit but of pulling back accessibility to the press. Now everybody’s comparing it to Hot Harry’s situation which... come on... how is that the same?

They’re husband and wife on holiday. It’s almost reassuring, you know? They’re clearly close. And enjoying themselves like any other young couple. Whatever. There’s nothing scandalous here.

To me, what’s more interesting is that there are apparently some other shots of her smoking a cigarette. She’d quit after the wedding but it would appear that she may not have been able to kick it. Remember how Jacqueline Kennedy hid her habit for years?

Anyway, here are Will and Kate performing their official duties, and well done to Kate for being able to look so chill and poised through it all even though they’d told her that morning what had happened.

You know who might benefit from this?

Gabriel Aubry.

Halle Berry wants to move to France because the pap laws there are stricter. Unless of course they’re trying to stick it to their nemesis Brits.