Speaking of pricks, Michelle Bachmann temporarily cancels her "I'm saying weird things!" campaign to come back to Washington and vote against the debt deal. Because she hates America.

Hey guys! President Obama's birthday is this Thursday! Whaddaya gonna get him?

OMG, people are still talking about D.B. Cooper (the guy who 40 years ago parachuted away with $200,000 of stolen money in the Northwest)? It's only $200,000!! Let the guy keep it!

The Dept. of Health and Human Services has new guidelines for health insurance companies, saying they must offer a ton of new health services for women including HPV screening, breast feeding support, and free birth control. Ahem! Where's my free prostate exam?