Posted tagged ‘sylvestor stalone’

Back in 1970 the silver screen was army green and we sat full attention while our favorite megalomaniacal warrior general, George S. Patton Jr. walked up those steps, out onto the stage in front of the American flag (that filled the entire screen), addressed his troops and gave his unforgettable unapologetic opening speech.

“…now I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country… we will cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks“.

Meanwhile, as General Patton pushed his troops to the edge of Nazi lines, Major Franks Burns was making the most of the Korean War by banging the Head Nurse,Major “Hot Lips” Houlihan in her barracks. Now unfortunately for them and what Major Burns and Hot Lips didn’t realize was that while they were heavily engaged in friendly fire, they were unintentionally broadcasting every grunt and groan of their sexual escapade over the PA system providing quality entertainment for the entire 4077th and movie goers alike.

By 1971 the box office battles had abandoned the fields and moved to the streets of San Francisco where Inspector “Dirty” Harry Callahan and his trademark .44 Magnum were tracking Scorpio the manic serial killer…

“I know what you’re thinking. ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I’ve kind of lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and would blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: ‘Do I feel licky?’ Well do ya, punk?”