10.5.11

A peek into the private lives of your favourite Hollywood celebs! Reports straight from the STREETS about what the stars get up to when the cameras are off. Now with a more international focus.

Hollywood's favourite Crocs wearer NICOLE KIDMAN was spotted lurking the streets of Sydney in the early hours of yesterday morning, drawing giant pentagrams on the ground with chalk and lighting candles. She kept checking her watch and looking up at the sky but nothing was happening, as far as I could tell.

Teen dream JUSTIN BEBER was allegedly seen scratching his twitter address into the back windows of the cars parked along his street. His mom isn’t going to be happy when she finds out what he did!

Babe TILA TEQUILA was seen out and about trying to catch pigeons! She was doing very well with a fishing rod using piees of spiced sausage as bait. She told me every pigeon she sells comes with a free copy of her mixtape. I managed to get away while she was trying to shove a bird into a tiny cage and close the latch.

I saw popular man about town MICHAEL BUBLE doing a roaring trade hustling cocaine from the back of his car underneath a bridge. He told me he needed the drug money to finance his new album. I explained that it was the wrong thing to do and managed to convince Buble to throw all his drugs in the river. Nobody go swimming in there, for a while!

I overheard the infamous trickster SHIA LaBEOUF trying to pick up a waitress at a cafe. He was asking what she would wish for if she found a magic lamp, he kept suggesting a box of Tim Tams that never runs out. He said he has a hookup that can get him as many Tim Tams as he wants. He put his hands into his pockets and pulled out like 8 Tim Tams. He got her number.

Spotted Hollywood patriarch TED DANSON outside a KFC protesting for PETA. He was stopping everyone who tried to go in, asking if they knew what’s in KFC’s burgers and telling them it was the endangered luck dragon. He didn’t hassle me too much but he told me fur is murder and he would never wear a mink coat again. Right on!

Human female KIM KARDASHIAN was spotted by a fan at a supermarket. She didn’t buy anything, she was just opening every box of cereal and feeling around inside with her hand. Hope she found what she was looking for!

Saw the legendary warlock MEL GIBSON at a screening of Black Swan. He kept complaining loudly that they weren’t dancing properly and none of the actors knew anything about dancing. He said he wanted a refund and he walked out but I saw him quickly duck into a different theatre.

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