God Damned Young People Don’t Know Squat About Romance

The problem with young people today is that they don’t know anything about romance.

When I was a young man, courtship was a lengthy affair that involved the use of love poems, boxed chocolates and moonlight serenades. We wooed our lady folk with ukuleles, state-fair cotton candy and our well-trimmed moustaches.

We opened doors, threw our jackets over puddles and behaved like respectful suitors until we were lucky enough to get hitched, drop the pretence and enjoy a lifetime of home-cooked meals, freshly laundered shirts and fruitful procreation.

But these young people today, they don’t understand romance. For them, courtship is nothing more than a quick “tweet”, a clumsy grope in the washroom of a discotheque and an unplanned pregnancy or pesky venereal wart.

In my day a man arrived at a young lady’s door in a fresh-pressed suit with a bouquet of flowers and honest intentions. But now? If a lad even bothers to pick a gal up he just parks in front of her house and leans on the horn. And there’s no 4-course supper followed by a stroll through the park. God no. A gal’s lucky if she gets a “Happy Meal”, a choice of condom and a ride home afterward.

I gave my true love, Aggie, a single rose before every date and if I’d neglected to do so she’d have beaten me off with a hickory switch and sent me packing with my tail between my legs.

And as for proposing? In my day you spoke to a girl’s father and got his blessing before you were given the keys to the chastity belt. But these days? If it’s done at all it’s on the jumbotron at a football game surrounded by 50,000 shrieking drunkards slathered in blue face paint. It’s a sad commentary but going down on bended knee has an entirely different meaning these days and has little to do with making a lifelong commitment.

As far as I can see, the death of romance is just one more marker on the highway to depravity. And if young people had any damned sense they’d pull a U-turn now and head back down the road of candlelight dinners, scented hankies and innocent hand holding before it’s too damned late.

They don’t know anything about romance. That’s the problem with young people today.

That’s awfully kind of both of you but I suspect my Aggie would be rolling her eyes and wanting to point out that I forgot most of our anniversaries, a couple of her birthdays and bought her a toaster oven for Christmas one year.

You are out of league on this old friend. YOU DONT SPEAK FOR ME!!!…and certainly an opinion of this nature is not quantified or qualified by any measure stick but your own. I know lots of fellas that asked parents permission and did the bended knee thing. If things have changed in the arena of courtship it IS NOT the fault of all younger folk. YOU NEED to put this one in your back pocket and move on to a topic that you are a little more familiar with perhaps…the RULES AND REGULATIONS OF SHUFFLEBOARD OR BOCCIA Ball….

To begin with, I don’t claim to speak for you or anyone else. These are my damned opinions. If everyone else shared my views I’d be sitting on my porch watching young people pitching woo, painting fences and helping the elderly cross the street instead of sitting in my den pecking out keenly drawn observations on my damned computer.

And I’ve never played shuffleboard. I don’t like the shuffling of feet, papers or anything else. It’s annoying. I have played some lawnbowling in my day and used to be quite good at it. In fact, I would have gone to the seniors’ state finals if that old bastard Tommy Harding hadn’t tripped me with his cane before the qualifying match.

Now, you may know some fellas that asked for parental permission prior to popping the question, and who went down on bended knee, and that’s comforting to hear. All I’m saying is that it’s the exception and sure as hell not the rule.

You might not think this is for you, but any girl would fall head over heals if you did anything he just mentioned. To show a woman you love her enough to bring her flowers, open her door, and just hold her hand instead of driving to the nearest motel is the way of showing that you are a true gentleman.

Thank you for your post Don. My husband did that for me. Opened doors, flowers, dinner, treated me like a queen and it made all the difference:) And I have ever intention of teaching my boys to be gentlemen as well. Your wife was a lucky lady.

I can’t speak for the younger generation, just for myself and being a baby boomer. I received one love poem in college, but I have received many heartfelt notes from Mr. YnB. I never got flowers or chocolates when a date came to my door to pick me up (but they all did come to the door). And I didn’t get the knee bend either. But, I did get several other romantic gestures along the way. If I hadn’t, I don’t think I would have ever gotten serious with anyone. I hope the young generation of today isn’t void of romance entirely, that would be a shame.

Writing in general is a dying art, with all these Tweets and LMAOs and such.

The gentleman who dates my daughters will be required to show a minimal level of proficiency in the written language. I think a 650 minimum on the SAT Verbal should do it. Of course, the score will need to be notarized.

And to quote one of my favorite pieces of Internet wisdom:

‘If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be dropping off a pizza — because you will not be picking anything up.’

My hubby asked my dad for my hand in marriage. It was sweet. And no, it wasn’t a screen on the Jumbotron for the proposal, it was a man dressed as a Holstein cow in the middle of a fancy Greek restaurant in downtown Chicago.

Jesus, Bearman, I never said we were prim and proper. I just said we understood romance.

In addition, we also understood that a good number of men visited prostitutes while they were courting in order to keep a level head and not put undue pressure on their gal. And that soldiers tended to seek out comfort in times of considerable stress.

Besides, I’m all for public service posters designed to scare the Hell out of young people.

You might consider putting your cartoonmanship to similar use. How about whipping up a poster on the dangers of falling while wearing ill-iftting trousers? Or of walking in front of a moving vehicle while playing Donkey Kong on your Iphone?

I don’t know Donald if you’re condoning men going to prostitutes in a relationship to “keep their heads clear” or not, but I’m completely against it. Seriously there are other ways to take care of your ‘needs’ by yourself instead going to a prostitute and cheating on your girlfriend just because she doesn’t want to/isn’t ready for sex. I have always thought that that excuse was ridiculous and makes it seem like men can’t control themselves around women. There’s nothing wrong with a little passion. But if the girl isn’t ready, then you shouldn’t go to a prostitute to satisfy your ‘needs.’

question: you seem to condone men visiting prostitutes in order to keep a level head and not put pressure on their girlfriends but would you feel the same if women practiced this? I can assure you that women want to have sex as badly as men and it is not at all ok to visit prostitutes to keep the edge off. Essentially, you seem to think that it is better to have meaningless sex with a random prostitute than to have sex with someone you love, Very backward point of view and not at all respectful toward women, which honestly, is the one of the most important things in any relationship.

Good post, Don. I can’t really comment too much on this, since I just turned 18 and have only had 1 girlfriend in my life :-\ The relationship lasted almost 3 years and was terminated due to us going to different colleges, but I doubt my romance would have lived up to your expectations. I’ll be sure to be more romantic in the future, though!

Ending a relationship due to attending different schools is difficult but you likely made the right choice.

And I’d suggest you don’t need to be concerning yourself with romance at the moment. You need to be focussing on your schooling and not be getting all caught up in skirt-chasing. There will be plenty of time for that after you graduate.

A “sex addict”? What kind of garbled claptrap is that? If someone wants to be a randy playboy the least they could do is put some thought into it and not manufacture some ridiculous disorder as an excuse for inappropriate behavior.

You should have helped him along with a cure for his “addicition” and used that new rake of yours to full effect. A quick jab with the business end of a garden implement is just what that lad needs.

I guess you’re right. But somehow I do feel sorry for the youngsters as well. I wonder who is to blame for as I doubt they don’t know HOW to woo a girl even if the thoght would strike them. And the girls that I meet still long for romance, no matter if they are 16 year olds or 35ers. Everything today is fast paced, I mean even recreation today is fast paced – we have CD books because we can’t carry the burden of the paper, all the programes on TV are speeded, we don’t even have the time buy someone a real birthday card on their birthday because we can’t think beyond the net!

I agree, I wish there was a way to make a U turn, just to show them what they’re missing out on.

I get the damned E-birthday cards all the time (well, once a year but you get my meaning) from lazy relatives that can’t be bothered to find the time to actually go out, write in a card and stick in the mail. To me, nothing says “You’re out of my will” faster than a half-assed electronic birthday spam.

out of my will? I love it! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I find myself saying that a lot
I love yours posts Don! I haven’t been around in awhile as I have been on antibiotics, no silly! for the pesky flu! arrrg
you still make me laugh thought 😉

There have been a number of times when I thought I was running out of subjects but fortunately there are no shortage of young people running around my neighbourhood providing around the clock inspiration.

…The great thing to hear is that you found true love with Aggie. Its so tough in this life to find someone that fills your spirit and contents your soul…..they say you are truly only in love once in your life…dont know if thats true…..i love my penelope i know this though…zman sends

I’m in a hurry right now and all I could did was read your post twice [I usually repeat just to make sure I got it straight] and I will come back to read the comments [which is sometimes even better than the post itself]. Now, I have a hunch that the ladies will praise you for the words you said. Don and his well-trimmed mustache… such a ladies man! By the way, this past Sunday I went to watch this movie called ‘Public Enemies’ and I thought of you when I noticed the guys all dressed up in their 1930’s outfits. I know that was during recession time so I don’t know if people really dressed up like that…

Wait! The 30’s? You were probably born on the 30’s! You were on your cloth baby diapers! My bad!

Over at Sick Days where I hold the dubious title of El-President of the Truly Sickies (ie the fan club for alantruitts creation of hamish industries) the comments have become an work of art in their own right. Go see at;

I’m not sure how I feel about you dropping a link to that reprobate Alpo Tru (I understand he’s trying to coerce my half-wit brother, York, into enaging in some form of ill-advised art house cinema venture)…but I do appreciate the sentiment.

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

“…she’d have beaten me off with a hickory switch and sent me packing with my tail between my legs.”

Did she do this repeatedly, you kinky old coot? Was there begging or “safety words” involved? (“Milkman,” maybe.)

I think people were getting sexed-up “back in the day” a whole lot more often than you tend to selectively remember. After all the public posing, door-opening and rose delivering, you young folks were back in the park or the drive-in getting “beaten off” with your “tail between your legs.”

I think the premature experimentation and all-out “lovemaking” wore you out and left you yearning for the separate-bed days of marriage.

Safety words? Milkmen? Are we on the same post here? Sometimes you leave me scratching my head in wonder, son.

I see your point, however, regarding the section on being beaten off with a hickory switch and suppose I may have made a poor choice of words. Sometimes these things slip through the editorial process.

Hattie reads my posts beforehand just to make sure I don’t say anything politically incorrect but apparently she missed that one.

I’m an old fart and I’m friggin sick of treating women like they are fragile little morsels. They wanna earn equal – they wanna be equal. Jolly fine. I’m not going to insult them by opening the door for them as if they are incapable. I’m not going to insult them by giving up my seat as though they are not able to stand. That whole pregnant woman thing? I’m not going out of my way for them unless I’m the guy who got them pregnant.

Which is not to say I won’t be polite. I always hold the door open for the person following me and other common courtesies but not just because it is a woman.

I didn’t really intend this post to become a battle of the sexes but things seem to be lining up that way. Now I’m no expert but it seems to me we are talking about a few different things here.

I’m all for equality as long as it recognizes that some people are better than others and that most people are idiots. Men and women alike.

The way I see it if you are in the workplace there is no need for door opening, seat pulling or anything else. Everyone should be treated the same, keep their noses to the grindstone and shut the hell up.

As for giving up a seat to pregnant woman or holding a door open, I think that falls under the category of common courtesy. I don’t hold doors open for anyone (I figure that others should do it for me) but if I were 40 years younger I’d have no objection to holding a door open for a man, woman or anyone else walking in behind me.

However, when you’re romancing a woman the rules all change. Small gestures like holding a door open carry a host of secret meanings and a man is wise to pay attention to them.

Well, I agree that women aren’t fragile hehe. I don’t think men should open doors for women on principle or give their seat up for women on the bus. When men do this, it always makes me feel uncomfortable and ‘different’ than them, when it should be about equality.

Now, opening a door/giving up seat for a feebled/disabled person or pregnant woman is another story. The way I see it is I would give my seat up to a man if he was pregnant b/c being on your feet is straining on your back and unless I was old and/or disabled too, I would gladly give up my seat as a woman myself. Also, I would give up my seat to a disabled male if he looked like he needed my seat. As someone else mentioned, in these cases it’s not about gender, but about common courtesy towards your fellow man.

Or even worse when you see a man taking up three train seats while the pregnant lady stands next to him trying to reach for the rail (too short) and is laughed at as she stumbles about.
So with a large sigh, I get up even though the man could just move over, give the poor lady a seat and then stand there stumbling about because I am short too to reach the roof straps….

We really need some old culture back. Or as you say simple respect and kindness to fellow human beings.

I may be wrong, but I was under the impression that “Romance” died during the Sixties from an incurable case off the clap caught during an orgy of “If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one your with” — quoting a Crosby, Stills & Nash song. 🙂

I suppose you may be right but I’m not entirely convinced that the young men I’m encountering are cooking much more than a spoonful of narcotics and the occasional pizza pop.

And as for laundry, I don’t see much evidence of anyone doing that. They all look like something the cat dragged in, tried to eat and then coughed up under the bed.

I suppose the married ones might chip in now and again. I made Aggie some toast once when she twisted her ankle and that did seem to go over well. I also ironed my own slacks when she visited her sister for a week. Tricky business and I didn’t enjoy it.

And you’re right, people don’t have myocardial infarctions like they used to. Another damned tradition lost to “progress.”

You could have been an instructor to the man that shot up the health club. According to his blog, he had not had a real girlfriend for 25 years. For some reason despite a steady job and a clean appearance no one wanted him. At all. He and all his money lived alone.

I’m not familiar with the story you reference but that might be because someone seems to be stealing my morning newspaper. Either that or the paperboy’s up and quit so he can work on his screenplay.

Sounds odd though. I’ve known plenty of butt-ugly men in my day and most every one of them was able to snag themselves a wife. Just had to roll up their sleeves and work at it a bit. I thought having money would have helped too.

Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Almost every man on earth gets a woman eventually, despite shortcomings in looks, intelligence, etc. What was wrong with this guy? I had the feeling reading his blog that he wanted only perfect women that were younger than him. He was 48 and hadnot had a girlfriend since his 20s and had not had relations since he was 29 or so.

Lily,

In the vernacular I heard, a “snag” is a rather ugly low class somewhat older woman. Is that what undesirable men “snag”? I guess that’s all they get.

Hey all…the guy who “never got any” was clearly off his compass. I know this is going way off topic here, but after getting a glimpse at his “journal into madness” (they have it posted on line, FYI), it was abundantly obvious he had issues. It was like reading someone’s thoughts as they put their fingers on the metaphorical “self destruct” button. Spooky.

Meanwhile, back to reality — I have never heard “snag” as anything other than a rip or tear “I snagged my pantyhose on the corner of the chair”, getting caught up in something “I snagged myself on the fishing hook again” OR the act of grabbing something as in “I snagged the last donut off the breakfast cart”.

I looked it up in Urban Dictionary and there were 30 definitions and about 3 were about women that were found to be questionable. One of them was for a woman who was bitchy and argumentative. I was under the impression that it was for an older unattractive woman past her prime and low on money.

I read the blog too. I feel sorry for him. He seemed like a good guy that went wrong. He did not look that bad and the video of him was not that bad, either.

I have been reading the disturbing excerpts from George Sodoni’s blog too.

I think the reason he had no luck with women is because females instinctively know when they meet a male who is a misogynist and know to keep well clear. Any woman who gets mixed up with a man who hates women is really asking for trouble.

It’s just terribly sad that he had to kill so many innocent women in his quest to “conquer” them.

Unfortunately, Lily, that isn’t always the way it works out. Around here, there is a plethora of women who are addicted to loser types. Just in my town, there has been a rash of “murder-suicides” where the man killed the woman (and some times her children, too) because he “didn’t want her to be with anyone else but him”. By investigating further, it turned out these women were being psychologically and physically abused by their “lovers” (I call them “scumbags”) on a regular basis. Some even allowed these men to sexually abuse their children, all because they “loved him so much”. How a mother can choose a man over her own flesh and blood amazes and disgusts me.

The whole story behind George is troubling, sad, disgusting, etc. I feel sorry for both the perpetrator and the victims. Someone should have noticed his bizarre behavior and done something to interfere.

Yes that’s true. Plenty of women with low self-esteem and no backbone that fall for an obvious woman-hater with a chip on his shoulder. It starts of with little sexist “jokes” then moves on to more attacking “jokes” generally about women being too sensitive, hopeless or otherwise incompetent and the casue of all lifes’ troubles. If they haven’t run away at that point that are probrably the visual twin of Annie Wilkes (Stephen Kings “Misery) sitting at the table in trackpants eating chocolate and blaming themselves. He’s either going to get a slave out of this kind of subservient woman or drive her into a knee-smashing insane killer that could be his match any day. Either option is really negative!

Unfortunately, it seems like an all too often occurrence, these murder-suicides, committed by men, here in Australia too.
( I am trying to stay on topic). One presumes all these relationships begin with “romance” of some description but somehow, they go terribly wrong.

There doesn’t seem to be any evolutionary advantage for a female to stay with a partner who is likely to kill them and their offspring.

I think this is an international thing, we get these cases here too. A woman surprisingly gets fed up with being beaten every night, and the “man” kills her, the kids and then himself.

I will never, EVER, understand just what the f*** goes through this kind of peoples minds.

Sorry for bringing the f-word to mind, I know we like to keep a good, decent tone around here, but there are a few subjects that I believe justifies its use. These people who claim to “love” their women, and beats them. “You’re the only one for me, so I’ll bust your lip open, and kill you and the children I also “love” if you leave me!” God damn pansies.

And yes, I am a man, not some outraged feminist. A MAN, that is. I do not need to make myself feel superior by beating up on my gal.

The men are probably sociopaths that manipulate their partners into staying and loving them still despite the abuse. I read about sociopaths in a book by Martha Stout. She describes the romantic partners of sociopaths being given the carrot and stick routine where the good life is just around the corner if the partner just “tries harder”.

I brought the wrong kind of flowers for a date. It helped me get dumped. Twenty six years later, we are still friends. She had better taste in boyfriends (who knew to give her better flowers), and she still has poor taste in friends.

I’m sorry Zeusiswatching, but I think that’s ridiculous that that girl dumped you over bringing the wrong kind of flowers. I know that flowers have different meanings, but it’s the thought that you brought flowers to her that counted not that you brought the “wrong kind” that just seems superficial. I mean, I would understand if she was allergic to a certain kind, you knew it, and brought her that kind anyway, but I’d say it’s a good thing she dumped you because you deserve better than a woman who is picky over a gift of flowers. What is that expression? Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth? Yeah, people should care more about the other person’s personality and how they treat them rather than stupid things like buying the wrong gift…

Romance is a lost art, but I must brag a little that my husband opens every door for me whether it’s a car door or a building door. He also does all of the cooking and some of the cleaning. But to me, the most romantic thing my husband does is to brew a pot of coffee every morning just for me because he doesn’t even drink coffee. He makes the coffee and goes to work, and twenty minutes later, I wake up and stumble out and the coffee is ready and waiting for me. That’s all the romance I need.

I stumbled across your site and thought you would be happy to hear that romance is still known in young people.You just have to find the right ones.My boyfriend(who is 15) does most of the things you have listed (comes to knock on the door,opens doors for me,puts his jumper on the grass for me if it’s muddy).He is especially fond of writing poems and has written two escpecially for me.
I agree that most young people have forgotten-or never bothered with-romance.But like I said before there are a few of us left to carry it on.

Like you I have been lucky or maybe proud enough to even consider staying with someone if they display some romance and even then I don’t feel obligated.

Your post is really lovely and reminds me of my first boyfriend and the honeymoon period of subsequent relationships. They were truly gentlemen.

Sadly Sir Mills is correct your experiences and mine are pretty rare. That’s why I used to think I was “lucky” but really it’s just something we should expect as a human being to be romanced and give romance.

Examples of how my friends got together: rubbed up against potential mate in bar with loud music while drunk, sexting, just simply asking for a coffee but never going any further in terms of effort or nice locations…told they are loved in text message……

Yes my experience of roses, orchids, being taken to the beach, a park with swans, being carried when sick, having partner go out in middle of night to get chocolate for me at service store or medicine just because I was a little blue, love poems, romantic dinners, swimming in hot springs, walks through the forest… all by men either unemployed or in university.

People use money as an excuse but all these men did was pay for a train ticket and a map and let nature do the impressing!

It just takes some googling of nice spots or asking other older couples for advice.

But most young men will blame money or any excuse under the sun not to be romantic. Personally I can’t fall in love without the romance!

I found this link thanks to beartoons.com, and I have to agree, my generation knows nothing ’bout romance. I remember our teachers telling us that back in the day when people would court and not date, that a man would walk between his girl and the road, so that if a car drove past, the man would get splashed, but the girl would remain dry.

I have a male friend who, when we were in high school, did just that. He would walk between me and the road. Not because there were puddles on the road, but just because he was being a gentleman, and it makes me smile knowing that whoever he marries will be a lucky, blessed girl.

Romance among many is a lost art but I am one of a select few who are act icily trying to revive it by reading classical literature and poetry, along with writing my own poems and reciting them to my girlfriend. If she did not between eight and Twelve hours away I would bring her flowers more regularly.

As for sexism, it seem common courtesy to hold the door open for people. I think in the work place assuming men and women are doing the same task it is not necessary to open doors for them, but it seems polite and thought full regardless, and it seems bitchy to be insulted by some one being thoughtful and respect full.

I have to be on your side for this one. I’m 19 and I dress up, open doors, and I hate going to movies for dates. Are you kidding me, what the hell are you going to do there. I’d rather go eat then off for a walk.

Oh, and just to complain, There’s always kids walking around with holes in their jeans. Now I can see if they got ripped while they were working on something but no, the company has to do it for them. And they pay $50 for a pair of pre-ripped jeans which I think is ridiculous. If they don’t get ripped while working then you have no right at all to wear them…..anyway, it’s just always been annoying.

Or even worse…ripped jeans and offer to eat at McDonalds. If money is an issue a home cooked meal would be a thousand times better than any fast food offer. And they wonder why the door is slammed in their face an calls are never returned, Some people must think they are dating pig-woman if that’s all they have to offer.

I don’t know what you’re talking about there Donald. Both of the two boyfriends I have had, and I’m 22, have both been very romantic (yeah, poems too). Maybe you aren’t looking at it hard enough. I would agree it seems a rarity in other relationships I have noted. I wouldn’t say youngings know nothing about romance; they do.

From what I’ve seen it’s more the girls not having a high enough standards for their boys.

Me being one of the “younger generation” I have to say that having been through relationships it’s not the “romantic gestures” and flowers that he gave me that really made the difference and touched my heart. What really felt romantic to me was when he would do something nice for me like buy me my favorite soda (cream soda) and surprise me with it when we met… or offered to pay for dinner (we usually went 50/50, but it’s nice to switch it up once in a while).

I think you have our generation wrong… Today’s romance isn’t necessarily the “classic romance” but it’s still there. Women are more independent now so men shouldn’t have to ask for her hand in marriage from her father, she is able to make her own decisions. I feel almost like that tradition makes the woman feel like an object to be traded between the man and the girl’s father.

Romance now is more subtle and depends more on creativity and originality in tune with what the woman (or man)’s interests are and what would make them happy rather than cliche romantic gestures like flowers, chocolates, always opening doors for them, etc. I know that there are some women who would be thrilled to receive a bouquet of flowers on a date, but there are others that would rather receive small gifts or gestures through the relationship to show they care and are interested in the person.

This is not to take offense in the way that you romanced your wife. I think it’s very sweet that you cared to bring her a flower when you met and you obviously love her a lot and that was your way of showing you care. I’m just saying that men and women are branching out from traditional representations of affection now and expressing themselves in new and creative ways. Don’t lose hope, there’s still romance in the air!

“We opened doors, threw our jackets over puddles and behaved like respectful suitors until we were lucky enough to get hitched, drop the pretence and enjoy a lifetime of home-cooked meals, freshly laundered shirts and fruitful procreation.”

Women don’t do this anymore. Until a woman is going to wash the jacket she stepped on to get over a puddle, then I’m not going to let them use it. I can’t even tell you the last time my woman made me a sandwich, let alone a whole god-damned meal. Once she deserves the romance, she’ll get it.

It’s a god damn shame you haven’t met a woman who can do those things — a good many of us can. Maybe you just haven’t given a girl a chance? Are we supposed to do all those things on the first date?

As Lily wrote, “I think the reason he had no luck with women is because females instinctively know when they meet a male who is a misogynist and know to keep well clear. Any woman who gets mixed up with a man who hates women is really asking for trouble.”

How does a woman “deserve” romance when you haven’t dated her yet? I mean, romance typically starts with the first date, does it not?

i contend that romance went out the door when people stopped dying of the flu. progress!! it’s what brings the future closer. man is no more meant to form lasting attachments than are fruit flies. not to mention that it’s taking people much longer to grow up than it used to, because life expectancy is so much greater. people these days live 2-3 ‘lives’, as lives used to be measured in the aforementioned dark ages.

do not lament this. forget not that marriage, in its original and most appropriate form, was no more than a business transaction. monogamy wasn’t even a concept, much less a practice.

ladies, you can say that you want things old school, but seriously. you want iPhones more than diamond necklaces. and you’d prefer that i take you snowboarding, skydiving, and carousing in Aspen rather than going to a fancy restaurant. because you’re a person just like me, not some doll on a shelf. you have a job and a life, as much or more than i do. i don’t want to buy you. and if you’re the type that wants to be bought, just remember that the ones who buy can typically afford more than one.

As a youngster, you know I’ll tend to disagree.
I hate Twitter. I don’t get the obsession with it, and the incessant need to update every.. what is it, two minutes?
Personally, I have received two love letters before the age of seventeen (and I’m still not there yet). I’ve been serenaded a couple of times, but not for courtship. As for the man walking up to the door — that is still very much alive.

Wow! My ex husband use to tell me that the things you mentioned were only in movies and real men didnt do those things. Guess that explains why he is my ex…that and his wandering eye.
So now I am on the lookout for the man that will make me feel appreciated, will woo me now and forever, and will do all those things because he is a true gentleman. He will be repaid!
Thanks for letting me know that love and respect is not just in the movies!

Oh no it’s definetly not just in the movies! That man was lazy and just wants a short term relationship. Anyone wanting more than sex will let their heart guide them and romantic gestures will naturally be exchanged because you want to show care, fun and affection that eventually leads to long-term love.

Every single man I’ve been with was a romantic. You just have to set the bar and never drop it-if you drop it you’ll let so much rubbish in….

Of course I return the romance and kindness so it is recipricol and always in motion. If they treat you any less they are not worth your time. He won’t have the devotion for what you want to spend the rest of your life with if romantic dating is too much effort of course you could never except years of romance.

Not all young men have lost the ability to be romantic. I know that I am currently with a young man who always opens my car door for me, and after I was gone away for a week, surprised me with a dozen roses and a stuffed pink bunny. So don’t lose all hope yet!

You can’t generalize everybody who is young. There are some real romantic relationships between couples out there, who are only around the age of 16. You don’t know what you’re talking about, because you are judgmental and oblivious. Sure we don’t throw jackets over puddles, because in your day, they cost a nickel and now they cost 60 dollars. But flowers and candy, fancy dinners in the nearest big city, dancing when there isn’t even music, ice skating, father’s blessing, late night walks, kisses on the forehead, and more modern things they didn’t have around in the ’50s (like late night phone calls) still come into play. Thanks for ruining my stumble time. Whoever put this crap on here may die now.

My apologies for ruining your Stumble time. I know how precious those moments can be. I hope your Facebook time made up for any disappointment you experienced here.

As a point of clarification, late night telephone calls were actually first introduced in 1959 when the numbers 6 through 9 were added to the rotary phone. Prior to that, only 118 people across the country were able to use the phone at the same time and the steam-powered generators which powered the devices tended to overheat easily.

When Clifton Tanager invented the 7 digit phone number and the coal-powered telephone, however, communication changed drastically and people across America were able once and for all to rid themselves of their telegraphs and eat their carrier pigeons.

It was good of you to apologize to poor Maddy, Don. Ruined Stumble Time is the leading cause of ennui, depression, fatigue, irony deficiency, and projectile vomiting in North American teens. Only a monster would have teased her about it. Bless you. On a related subject, I continue to hope that one day the solar powered phone will finally receive the attention it so richly deserves.

I enjoyed reading this post, it was interesting. It also makes sense, but I would have to say though that romance is still alive in the teenage culture. It’s just evolved. Granted, there are a lot of teenagers who give this idea a bad name, and those are the ones that sadly represent us, but a lot of us still appreciate the good old courtship.

This post is amazing, and it really reminded me of what the true definition of romance is.

Being a teenager, I’m always watching my friends and their friends in their relationships and sometimes what they do sickens me. Sometimes, I feel like I’m one of the only teenagers who actually looks for gentlemen who will open doors and treat us like ladies. It’s difficult to find relationships the way you described in your post these days. (This is why I’ve never been in a relationship.) I agree one hundred percent that many young people today don’t know what romance is. If teens understood the real meaning of romance, they wouldn’t curse, yell or even touch each other inappropriately 24/7. Unfortunately it’s almost all I see.

Anyway, thanks so much for making this post. I really enjoyed reading it.

This is what is wrong with young people today, that and should a ‘romance’ spark a commitment, they run at the first big problem. No one has the balls or ovaries to stick hard shit out anymore or they’re just waiting for the next best thing. “For Better Or For Worse” has become “Til Better or Til Worse”.

I’m 22, going on 23 and my boyfriend is 21, going on 22. So I class us as young, although I’ve got a feeling this post may have been more directed to teenagers.

Anyway, my boyfriend does not bring me roses before every day, he certainly doesn’t throw his jacket on puddles for me (I’d ask him what the hell he was doing haha) and he hasn’t written me any romantic poems.

But he’s the kind of guy who tells me to stand on his feet and dances with me in the kitchen. He walks to the shop in the morning to buy me a croissant AND a pain au chocolate when he’s run out of bread. He makes up silly songs (and plays them on his ukele, believe it or not!) that make me laugh. He texts me whenever he sees a dog being silly because he knows it will make me smile and brighten my day.

Romance isn’t dead everywhere 🙂 It might have changed a bit and it can mean very different things for different people, but it’s still out there, everywhere. 🙂

stfu just because thats the way you did things back in the day doesnt mean they should stay that way.We are in modern times now and everything is going to modernize.my boyfriend is perfect the way he is,everyone has their own idea of what romance is. sometimes all i need is for him to just look at me. romance shouldnt be defined on all the things you do but the way you feel and the feelings that are aroused when you do them. like holding hands,a peck on the lips or forehead, or that long hug that you never want to let go of, so dont set guidelines for what romance is because youre going by the book,you dont know what it really is,its your own thing. so stop fucking doing what everyone else is doing.

and one more thing you insensitive asshole,you were a teenager once too so stop posting stuff about teenagers are too this and too that,its your generations that didnt keep us in line. and not all of us are like that. you got opininons? fine but heres my opinion and i dont care whether you like it or not,you seem like one of those guys who are like omg teengers suck,ehhhh. stop your just a “cranky old fart”.

I’m young, as is my boyfriend, but i think he’s one of the few that knows about romance. He’s the best boyfriend a girl could ask for…he picks me up and takes me home constantly and takes me out to dinner all the time. He comes home from college every weekend just to see me. So, while there maybe young people out there who know nothing about romance, there are a few good ones left in the world.:)

Damn Don, solid post. It definitely goes both ways, men have become less chivalrous and some women have become less classy in general. Does that apply to everyone? Of course not but still a decent amount.

General social skills and formal etiquette should be a standard course offered at universities.

This just touched my heart when I read this. I just turned 16 and have hated how guys treat girls nowadays. Even though I’ve never grown up in the time of true romance, I miss it. It’s so sad how even girls at 12 years old or even younger are ALREADY are being thrown into a world of sex. Which scares me. I really hope that things like this will be read by guys and that they’ll learn a thing or two. And girls too. Thank you very much for writing this sir 🙂

Take the absolute best examples of something you like and compare it to the absolute worst examples for something you don’t. Gripe about the difference and claim that what you believe in is that much better. Elaborate.

As for generalizations, they are always bad (!). I personally asked my wife-to-be’s father’s permission before proposing. I courted her in the way that you list above. I don’t know anyone who engaged in “washroom gropes” or who “leans on the horn” when picking someone up. Anyone who does these things should expect for the date to end quickly, if it happens at all. Everyone who is paying attention knows that Jumbotron proposals are lame and uninspired.

So next time you choose to make a generalization about an entire generation of people?

And who brought us up this way, and whos parents fought all the time when we were young and now are devorced, and have been through ‘relationship’ after ‘relationship’. Yeah we really had great role models. What the fuck do you expect you stupid old man.

Geez! I think in MY day, which was earlier than yours, probably, parents sucked up their discontent unless it was sonething heinous or brutal! It doesn’t seem to matter how you raise kids, they do what’s acceptable in their peer group. I told my daughter to only date guys that treat her special…she’s runs out when she’s picked up for a date before the guy even honks and as for saving
‘your flower’ for a special guy? Sex has replaced the first kiss!

My fiancé never forgets to give me the most tender kiss as soon as he is home from work. Sometimes I am even surprised with a lovely bouquet. Sir, it is men like you who keep the love in this world around. You are blessings to women. If my man did not do the wonderful and respectful things he does for me, he not be considered the love of my life.

And to all who are insulting this gentleman…. well you are proving his blog right. Apparently respect for your elders has gone down the drain also. Insulting people will never make you feel better about yourself in life. The world should understand that.

Caroline I was thinking the same thing as I read through…this is just more evidence of the crass society that has such a small vocabularly they have to swear in each sentence and attack the first blog that was more sweet than funny.

The ideas of romance may be different, but romance is romance…not lust.

Actually, I’m 18 and my fiance courted me for several months. He sent flowers, my favorite brand of chocolate. My friends must have told him I like Snoopy from Peanuts because he sent me SOOOO many stuffed Snoopy dolls. We’ve been together for over 2 1/2 years, we suffered two miscarriages and he was by my side the whole time. I used to be clinically depressed and since I’ve been with him I’ve had no relapses. I know that most guys are jerks, but don’t write them all off. There is always the occasional diamond in the rough.

I stumbled across this page and your post has completely articulated the way I have been feeling the past few years . I’m 19 and I can definitely see where you are coming from when you talk about how romance has changed. However there are definitely young people out there who really do want romance and intimacy and who think it is important to treat a woman with respect. I myself being one of them, it’s one of the main reasons I have never dated anyone, I’m waiting for the right person.

Well geez, don’t go generalizing a WHOLE group of people or anything like that! I’m eighteen, have been dating the same wonderful man for over two years, haven’t had sex yet because we value waiting, and go out swing dancing, ice skating, to carnivals and dinners alike every weekend. But you’re right, we’re probably just idiots who don’t know anything about romance or love, can’t wait to reach that age where my love suddenly becomes ‘real’. Until then, i’m content with my crazy, stupid, bliss-filled teenageleo ANCe. Go ahead, judge me 🙂

Woah, don’t judge a WHOLE GROUP of people or anything. I’m newly eighteen years old, have been dating the same amazing man for over two years, have yet to have sex because we respect each others values and believe we’re too young, and go on dates every weekend, dates which begin with a greeting at the door, a handshake to my father and usually a round of hide and seek with my 4 year old brother. But you’re right, we must know nothing about romance or love because after all, we’re just ignorant children. I truly can’t wait to reach that age when my love finally becomes ‘real’, and until then will enjoy the wonderful company of the man I cherish and respect.

Every teenage boy needs to hear this. I have met a few who will open a door for me, and one bought me ice-cream at the town fair. But other than that the term ‘date’ doesn’t even exist or means ‘another trip to the cinema, just like I do with every other one of my mates and I really want to see that new action or horror film’. Nothing is romantic anymore and I want the days where you have to court a girl first and traditional rules apply. That would be perfect.
Although for the girls with no self-respect, next time you are on a ‘date’ don’t go hitching up your skirt, or saying foul things or drinking excessive alcohol the first time you meet the guy….that’s not romance either. actually make that forever, not just the first time you meet him.

As a mother of a young man, I believe it is our job (his father’s and mine) to teach him how to date. Tell him what he need to do and how to act. Walk to the door, shake hands with her father and ask what time she needs to be home. (and be sure to have her home at least 5 minutes early!) Tell her she looks beautiful, open her doors, pull out her chair, and most of all treat her with respect. I believe this should be carried out all through a marriage, no excuesses for forgotten birthdays, or not opening doors. As men in a young mans life, it is your job to show him how to treat a woman. I they are not doing it, maybe the “older” ones need to be really SHOWING how it is done. Sit on the sofa and hold moms hand or rub her feet, tell her she looks beautiful, notice when she has a new hair style. The more you give, the more you will get back. A wise minister once told us (my husband and me) that sex begins at the breakfast table. Men, start out with a loving touch, and a kind word, a call in the day to say you love her, and help with the dinner dishes. And when the lights go out… She will be ready. Believe me, you will NEVER out give a woman. Courting should take a life time, and is an art that developes over the years.

Moral consistency is a keystone of a great relationship, but I was not born into this world chiefly to live my life copying the traditions of other men simply because they nod their heads and pat themselves on their backs in self-congratulation with the way they have lived their lives. I’m glad the path you have lead has made you happy, but I’d like to blaze some of my own trails, thank you.

The idea of having to ask another man permission to receive the gift of virginity from the girl I love, a decision and life-experience no father owns, is absolute lunacy to me. I understand and respect if that decision is most appropriate for other people, but I reject that world-view upon my life.

I love the girl I am with. And I love her family, as they love me. I will ask for the father’s blessing in marriage, because I respect him. Not because I am “supposed” to respect him.

If young people are “doing romance wrong”, they are not meant to be with that person. When the right person comes along, we all find that we never needed an instruction manual to make the necessary sacrifices. Experience guides us. And that is part of being young.

Thats absolutely ridiculous. True, people have sex more, but in order to get it, you really do have to work hard, and that means being respectful, being well-educated and successful, and treating her to a wonderful evening. Also, who uses a ukelele when they could use a guitar? They have much better range.

Being a diehard realist, I’ve taken a long hard look at romance and declared that, in my jaded opinion, there’s nothing more romantic than holding hands and taking a stroll (or a hobble) through the park together when you’re both 80. True romance doesn’t involve extravagance – i think that’s where we all went wrong. Hollywood rubbish helped.

Well, truth be told, I’ve met boys who acted very romantic but turned out to be total jerks. They knew exactly what to say and what to do, but they only did it to manipulate me. On the other hand, I’ve met very trustworthy boys who were not traditionally romantic. Frankly, too much romance on a first date would now raise some suspicion. In fact, I often can’t tell when people have good intentions, or when they don’t, because both approach me in the same way. The entire dating system is much too confusing for this simple mind…

My boyfriend of 4 years still opens the car door for me to get in AND out of the car every single time, every where we go. It was his idea… I didn’t train him to do that. It’s always amusing to see people’s reactions when he does this. It’s a sad state when a demonstration of class and elegance unsettles observers.