Australia's finest suppository of news and views.

Local Man Becomes Target Of ‘Shallow State’ Conspiracy

A Wanda Beach man has been forced to go into hiding after becoming the subject of a campaign of harassment from very low level government employees.

“Ever since I expressed the view at a barbie that Donald Trump’s hair wasn’t all that ugly I’ve been the object of a conspiracy against me from a shadowy group of operatives from not very far within the apparatus of the state”, said hand carwash manager Brett Merriwether. “The postman pelts me with mulberries whenever he rides by on his little red bike, the librarian follows me around the library telling me to shush every time I make a noise and the dog catcher deliberately lets loose any sausage dogs he catches into my house rather than take them to the pound.”

“The CIA has much bigger fish to fry than Brett so we’ve delegated the task of bringing him down to elements that aren’t quite so “deep state” but are still quite annoying,” said CIA director Antonio Prohias. “We’ll see how long Brett’s enthusiasm for Mr Trump’s hairdo lasts once the guy who runs the eye test at the motor registry starts making him read the extra blurry line on the eye chart, or the rangers start hiding the “Danger Crocodiles” sign whenever he visits the National Park.”

While not implicated in the Kennedy assassination or Watergate, the so called “shallow state” has claimed responsibility for such acts as denying Tony Blair a loading zone, supplying Gough Whitlam with a pricey estimated electricity bill during the Timor invasion and shutting down former New Zealand PM David Lange’s favourite pie shop for unexplained breaches of the health regulations.

“Coming home late because my train was cancelled to find fifteen sausage dogs frolicking in my rumpus room was the last straw,” said Merriwether from his hiding place within the sand dunes just north of Wanda Beach. “Once the “shallow state” makes up its mind to get you there’s nowhere to hide from its many tentacles. When you control the train timetables you control the world.”