The sun did not shine.
It was too wet to play.
So we went to the store.
And the world changed that day.
I stood there with my boy.
We stood there, we two.
And I said, "How I wish
marketers had better things to do."
The Cat in the Hat
that we love from the books
has been captured by sleazebags
who have sunk in their hooks.
They've taken the Cat
in the red and white hat
and turned him to money.
He's green! Just like that!
Cat creator Theodor Geisel
(His middle name was Seuss)
refused to sell out
to keep his Cat from abuse.
But since he died six years back
It's been one thing or another.
Rosie's caterwaul in "Seussical."
And now Pop Tarts? Oh, brother!
There are pajamas and pillows and sheets for the bed.
Skateboards and bandages
for when you fall on your head.
Candy and lamps and bookends and balls.
Bed frames and linens
and things for the walls.
Curtains for the windows
and for the shower, too.
Did I mention the Pop Tarts?
They're red and they're blue!
The Cat is joined by the fish,
with his bright orange fins.
And Thing One and Thing Two?
They're the new Olsen Twins!
They're on knapsacks and wallets,
cereal boxes and bloomers,
bicycles and bracelets
and radio tuners!
Slippers and sneakers
and video games,
boxers and benches
and small picture frames.
If there's one thing that will comfort,
It may be this fact:
Unlike the Olsens,
The two Things can act.
If Dr. Seuss were still rhyming,
What would he say?
What would he have made
Of this marketing day?
"Keep all of your puzzles,
your Cats and Things plush.
"This hype is fast turning fond memories to mush!
"My books have been bamboozled
And there's nothing I can do.
"But spin in my grave
Like Thing One and Thing Two."
So get out of the stores.
Go home, and then look
in your bookshelves and bedrooms
for your "Cat in the Hat" book.
Start at the beginning,
On that cold, cold wet day.
When you never imagined
the Cat would turn out this way.
Sit there with Sally,
and the kid that you love.
Read the whole thing out loud
for Seuss to hear from above.
Turn the pages, laugh hard, and have fun with the rhyme.
And know that some things
Can't be taken by time
Or marketers or movies
Or Mike Myers himself.
And then put that book right
back up on the shelf.