Spiderweb

This play was produced by Theatre Babylon as part of its entry into Seattle's Unsinkable Fringe Theatre Festival 2000, a collection of short pieces entitled, Errors, Eros, Sparks, and Larks. The play ran seven performances, March 10-19th, 2000.

Five individuals sit in chairs facing the audience, scattered about the stage. Each mimes typing words into a keyboard as lines are spoken, and each continues facing the audience for the duration of the play, i.e. the characters do not make any kind of direct contact with each other.

Directors should feel free to cast these characters as any gender they feel appropriate. The characters are Shade, Diamond, Mercy, Delight, and Blaze.

DELIGHT: Mostly it depends on what kind of job I could get, since Blaze can get a job practically anywhere. They'll take one look at that resume and say, "Brainiac 5 from the planet Smartron 12?? - you're hired!!"

DIAMOND: (on phone) It's clear to me we will never see eye to eye about what happened.

MERCY: (on phone) Did anything ever happen between you and Diamond?

BLAZE: (on phone) Anything sexual?

MERCY: (on phone) Yeah.

BLAZE: (on phone) Well, now that's an interesting question.

SHADE: (on phone) I'm not interested in seeing eye to eye. In fact, I didn't really call to hear what you had to say, because I know what you'll say.

BLAZE: (on phone) Is there a reason you're asking?

SHADE: (on phone) I have had to spend so much time contemplating what's become of us. I am trying to be fair, but it's so, so difficult. I feel devastated and barely alive.

MERCY: (on phone) Would it bother you to know that Diamond and I are exploring a few possibilities here and there?

SHADE: (on phone) My apologies were obviously not enough.

DIAMOND: (on phone) Far too few, far too late.

SHADE: (on phone) It's funny how when we were younger, years ago, you were the one making all the mistakes, and we learned from those mistakes and grew.

DIAMOND: (on phone) Some mistakes are more than mistakes, Shade. They're choices that you make. Choices that you live with.

BLAZE: (on phone) I think you should tell Diamond that the four of us are getting married.

MERCY: (on phone) Ooo, I like the sound of that.

DELIGHT: (reading, not typing) Oh my.

SHADE: (on phone) Yes, and these choices were inextricably worth it.

DIAMOND: (on phone) I'm glad to hear that.

SHADE: (on phone) I bet you are.

DIAMOND: (on phone) I do miss you severely. I do want us to find our friendship again.

SHADE: (on phone) I don't think I want that.

MERCY: (on phone) I think Diamond is concerned that you and Delight are going to suck me in and leave him alone, on the outside. Plus I don't think he knows what's actually going on between you and him.

BLAZE: (on phone) Love is not a zero sum game. There is definitely enough to go around.

SHADE: (on phone) Alienation is a tool at my disposal.

MERCY: (on phone) It gets so complicated.

BLAZE: (on phone) Using jealousy as a tool at your disposal...

MERCY: (on phone) It's exhausting staying open, staying honest.

BLAZE: (on phone) And inextricably worth it.

SHADE: (on phone) Ultimately I was a fool for ever believing that anyone would stand by my side while I learned what I needed to learn. That itself has been the biggest lesson of all.

DELIGHT: (typing again) Hey guys, listen to this. A 58-year-old woman in Kansas City just gave birth to quintuplets. No fertility drugs were involved.

MERCY: (typing) Holy moly.

DELIGHT: What do you suppose those kids are going to be like when they grow up?

DIAMOND: (on phone) Did you just see what Delight posted?

BLAZE: (typing) That's incredible.

DELIGHT: The best part is, the woman has already had five children, and the last child she had was over nine years ago.

DELIGHT: I can easily imagine these five children growing up to be five incredibly different people.

MERCY: (on phone) I think I should let you go, sweetie.

BLAZE: (on phone) Yeah, I think I should get back to work.

DELIGHT: It's entirely possible that one of them would grow up to be a doctor, caring for the human physical condition...

MERCY: (on phone) Love you.

BLAZE: (on phone) Bye bye. (MERCY & BLAZE hang up)

(All are now typing again.)

DIAMOND: You there?

MERCY: Yeah, I'm here.

DELIGHT: Perhaps one will grow up to be a teacher, caring for the human intellectual condition.

DIAMOND: I'm going to log off for a while.

MERCY: You feeling okay?

BLAZE: Whoa! Looks like I actually get to leave the office! I am so out of here!

DIAMOND: I'm fine.

DELIGHT: Perhaps one will grow up to be a priest or a nun, caring for the human spiritual condition.

MERCY: Good night, Blaze.

DIAMOND: Have a good night, Blaze.

BLAZE: Blaze has left channel spiderweb. (bows head down)

DELIGHT: Perhaps one will grow up to be an artist, caring for the human imagination, and the principle of hope.

MERCY: Take care of yourself. I'll see you on Sunday.

DIAMOND: Maybe you'll see me before Sunday.

MERCY: (smiles) That would be nice.

DELIGHT: Such potential, provided their parents don't fuck them all up.

DIAMOND: Diamond has left channel spiderweb. (bows head down)

MERCY: I guess I'm leaving too.

DELIGHT: Yeah, I've got some work to get done. Good night, Mercy. Good night, Shade.

MERCY: See ya, Delight.

DELIGHT: Delight has left channel spiderweb. (bows head down)

MERCY: Good night, Shade, if you're still there. (silence) Well, good night anyways. (silence) Mercy has left channel spiderweb. (bows head down)

(Silent.)

SHADE: Perhaps the last one will grow up to be directionless, a wanderer on the open seas. Perhaps that small child will find itself unable to speak loudly enough, crowded by its charismatic siblings. Perhaps that child will need attention it never gets, mothering it badly needs, mentorship it never finds, inspiration that never comes. The years may pass, and every Christmas the family will get together and share their success stories with their mother who's oh so proud, but when it's that child's turn, there won't be much to tell save for empty nights with strangers who tired all too soon of the need that plagues that poor child. Perhaps, in the end, the anger and the bitterness that comes with years spent lost on the open seas will finally provide the fuel that child needs to survive, but perhaps not, and in the end, perhaps that child's fears will all come true. (softening) I'm doing fine, thank you for asking. (pause) Shade has left channel spiderweb. (bows head)