Message Boards

Topic : Lying about Money/Spending

Do you find yourself not telling the whole truth about where the money goes every month? Is your spouse or child untruthful about their spending habits? Share your stories and coping strategies.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

My mom

Lying about Money/Spending

is lying about money to my Dad. Should I tell him?

If you feel you have to get involved then choose your approach very carefully, keeping in mind it really is not any of your business. May be there is a reason to the deceit. Avoidance, maybe you should give her a chance to explain and if you talk about it then maybe she will either try to change, tell him herself or just tell you to not say a word after she hits you with a baseball bat. Just kidding, but money is a touchy subject.

Lying about tmoney

BTW- Dr Phil folks- I don't like the new format of message boards- little smiley faces seem ridiculous when you are talking about real issues- and isn't Dr Phil all about getting real?????

Anyway, there may be a hundred reasons why your mother is lying about money to your father- maybe he can't save, or maybe she is gambling away the family fortune. Maybe she is stashing money to run away from an abusive relationship or maybe she wants to take everyone on a surprise cruise. Talks to her if its such a big deal to you. I will admit, I lied to my husband who goes through money like water, and told him I was buying just stuff, while I was packing it away in savings. I finally told him, and he seemed pleased to hear that we had 30K in the bank. But it was hard to keep it from him....

Lying about Money/Spending

BTW- Dr Phil folks- I don't like the new format of message boards- little smiley faces seem ridiculous when you are talking about real issues- and isn't Dr Phil all about getting real?????

Anyway, there may be a hundred reasons why your mother is lying about money to your father- maybe he can't save, or maybe she is gambling away the family fortune. Maybe she is stashing money to run away from an abusive relationship or maybe she wants to take everyone on a surprise cruise. Talks to her if its such a big deal to you. I will admit, I lied to my husband who goes through money like water, and told him I was buying just stuff, while I was packing it away in savings. I finally told him, and he seemed pleased to hear that we had 30K in the bank. But it was hard to keep it from him....

That is exactly what I was going to say! There could be a hundred reasons why she is lying about money.......

But what is she lying about? Is she spending it? Is she saving it?

I would talk to her, but remember, it is really non of your business. I believe it was Dr. Phill that said once about cheating, if you know someone is cheating it is non of your business to tell that person. (which I dont' really agree on!)

If she is spending money and leaving her household short on bills and groceries and the lights are being disconnected then it might be different and you should talk to her.....

Witholding infomrmation

My relationship of several years has ended. One of the reasons was his inability to open up about things that I think are givens in a marriage or long-term committed relationship. He refused to talk about money, I never knew how much he made until other people told me. After 3 years of this it comes to find out he has 2 child support payments when he only told me about one child. I think this is part of the reason why he concealed his information for so long. I've been reading up on abuse and it seems like witholding information is one thing a person does to control the relationship. Is this normal?

I just don't get it

My daughter and son-in-law have been married for 9 years and have 2 wonderful children. He is an over-the-road truck driver and she started working at the hospital now that their children are both in school all day. My daughter (A) has lied and deceived my son-in-law (J) about finances for so long that their marriage and finances are now a shambles! A little over a year ago, they declared bankrupcy and now things are a mess all over again. In the past week, J has found out about a secret checking account, personal loans, unpaid bills and that their checking account is overdrawn ($700+). He's at his wits end. I don't know how to help them; we don't why she started this or how long it's been going on. I understand his distraughtness and feeling hopeless. I'm afraid she's going to do something stupid and don't know what, if anything, I can do to help her. I don't know how/when she learned to do this!

lying and spending money

I am sending this message in hopes of some feedback and solutions. Money is the number one problem in my relationship with my live in boyfriend! I feel that we both have very bad conceptions about money. First of all, I am 27 years old and this is the first time that I moved out from my parents home. I've been on my own for about 6 months. My boyfriend in 41 years old and was living on his own for a very long time. For one, I know my problem with money, I use shopping as a healer to my depression. My patterns are purchasing something and hiding it from my boyfriend or lying about the purchase, Ladies, you know what I'm saying: "Oh, this old shirt, I bought it months ago but forgot I had it." Over the years, I rack up the plastic and max them out , get more plastic and max them out too. Currently, I am $4,000.00 in CC debt. My boyfriend is "sneeky" with his money. I am a snoop and when we first started dating, I found utiity bills in his ex's name for him. I found a letter about his ex complaining out him not paying the bills that were in her name. I found this odd because, my boyfriend seemed like he had his finances in check. Low and behold, When we moved out together, he had me put all the utilities in my name! We pay the utilities with joint finances but I still wonder what his debt situation is. He is very secretive about this. I also found out that he had been evicted twice in his life. Also, he "mysteriously lost his company when I first met him." He claims that his ex stole money from the company. More alarming, he has two ladies that he was friends with and myself all were good freinds. Now, both are leaving mean voice mails about him owing them money? Should I just let it go? Hey with both have scary money issues, we still have a roof over our heads. But, we are discussing marriage in the future.

money abuse

My relationship of several years has ended. One of the reasons was his inability to open up about things that I think are givens in a marriage or long-term committed relationship. He refused to talk about money, I never knew how much he made until other people told me. After 3 years of this it comes to find out he has 2 child support payments when he only told me about one child. I think this is part of the reason why he concealed his information for so long. I've been reading up on abuse and it seems like witholding information is one thing a person does to control the relationship. Is this normal?

Hello, I wrote a message concerning my relationship and money issues. My boyfriend has to attend anger management classes and they had a topic on financial abuse. Some of the issues are witholding money, control how money is spent, decide where the money goes, lie about income, ect. My boyfriend had demanded that I hand him over my pay check. I have to ask for an allowance. He controls the amount of money I spend. We both have some money issues, but maybe he is right about controling the finances???? Please read message from ginad123 and see what you think? I got my financial abuse info. from Vantage Point, inc. (401) 941-7276 Providence, RI. This is the program that my boyfriend was court ordered to go.

Lying about Money/Spending

I am sending this message in hopes of some feedback and solutions. Money is the number one problem in my relationship with my live in boyfriend! I feel that we both have very bad conceptions about money. First of all, I am 27 years old and this is the first time that I moved out from my parents home. I've been on my own for about 6 months. My boyfriend in 41 years old and was living on his own for a very long time. For one, I know my problem with money, I use shopping as a healer to my depression. My patterns are purchasing something and hiding it from my boyfriend or lying about the purchase, Ladies, you know what I'm saying: "Oh, this old shirt, I bought it months ago but forgot I had it." Over the years, I rack up the plastic and max them out , get more plastic and max them out too. Currently, I am $4,000.00 in CC debt. My boyfriend is "sneeky" with his money. I am a snoop and when we first started dating, I found utiity bills in his ex's name for him. I found a letter about his ex complaining out him not paying the bills that were in her name. I found this odd because, my boyfriend seemed like he had his finances in check. Low and behold, When we moved out together, he had me put all the utilities in my name! We pay the utilities with joint finances but I still wonder what his debt situation is. He is very secretive about this. I also found out that he had been evicted twice in his life. Also, he "mysteriously lost his company when I first met him." He claims that his ex stole money from the company. More alarming, he has two ladies that he was friends with and myself all were good freinds. Now, both are leaving mean voice mails about him owing them money? Should I just let it go? Hey with both have scary money issues, we still have a roof over our heads. But, we are discussing marriage in the future.

personally, i would want nothing to do with a person like this, if he has cheated otehrs out of their money, he will do the same with you. now, I do believe a person can change and all, but if he has complete control of the money, and has these type of secrets, I say get out while you can, don't fool your self.

Lying about Money/Spending

My relationship of several years has ended. One of the reasons was his inability to open up about things that I think are givens in a marriage or long-term committed relationship. He refused to talk about money, I never knew how much he made until other people told me. After 3 years of this it comes to find out he has 2 child support payments when he only told me about one child. I think this is part of the reason why he concealed his information for so long. I've been reading up on abuse and it seems like witholding information is one thing a person does to control the relationship. Is this normal?

This is not how a normal and trusting marriage works, spouses need communication and trust in every aspect of the marriage, even when it comes to money.