WoMom

Personal Development for Moms.

Stay at home moms, working moms, work from home moms — it doesn’t matter!

I am a sucker for self-help books, and love browsing at the local book store, or the section in the library that houses all the “Get Rich Fast!” and “Change Your Life RIGHT THIS MINUTE!” books. I don’t really know what I’m looking for, but I do know that I really like looking.

I’m both pessimistic and optimistic when I crack open the binding, or track down an author on the Internet.

I am not one to believe everything I see or read—I’m just not wired that way. But I do like knowing that with some time, energy, and positive thinking changes for the better in all aspects of life are possible.

One of my favorite authors, Brian Tracy, taught me at the impressionable age of 21 that personal development simply means to never stop learning. I like that definition.

I also like the idea that it’s okay to want to be better. There is no shame in wanting to be a better person, parent, athlete, employee, business owner, or humanitarian.

Striving to be better does not mean that you are dissatisfied with your life. Instead it means that you are interested in becoming even better—-a valuable lesson to teach and model to children.

I am not interested in being the best of the best at anything—-it seems like just too much work, and I’m an awfully lazy person.

But I do like to ask questions, and then follow up with research. 🙂

One of my favorite things about the Internet is that I can ask good ol’ google a question, and get lots of answers. Who knows if the answer I come across is truly valid, but I can keep looking until I find the answer that best fits me and my mindset at the present moment.

I also like reading about real people and learning what worked and what didn’t for them.

Sometimes being A Mom makes you (me) forget that there is a PERSON behind the mom. I get wrapped up in the day to day meal prep, potty helping, and board book reading part of my day and forget to do something (ANYTHING!) for myself.

And so I need to remember The Womom.

The WoMom is the woman behind the mom. The WoMom needs to be nurtured, whether that is by reading REAL and not picture books, getting some exercise, or by taking a nap.

Do whatever it takes to remember who you were as a person before having children.

Were you interested in learning a new language? Get some immersion tapes from the library and pop them in while you fold laundry or chop vegetables. Always wanted to play the guitar? Look through the brochure from the rec dept and find an inexpensive class.

Life moves so very quickly, and I would hate for you (or me!) to have a longer list of “shouldas” than “dids.”

One good thing about getting older, is that you have more self-esteem. What would have freaked you out at 18 or 19 no longer does.

Take the swing class. You can do it.

I want to learn as much as I can about as many things as I can. I want to garden. I want to travel. I want to do the things that I always wanted to do —- and I don’t want to do them when it’s too late.

Does this make me a tiny bit selfish?

Yes. maybe. But I don’t want my kids to suck away (literally, ha!) all of my brain cells and identity.

I am naturally a pretty curious person and when I don’t follow through on this curiosity is when I get cranky and begin to feel resentful. And that’s not good for the kids. A Happy Mom = Happy Kids.

I get a lot of questions about New Year’s Resolutions.

I’ve gotten pretty good at making and keeping my resolutions each new year — and while it’s still not super easy for me to stay on track, each and every year I have a bit more resolve to keep on course.

It doesn’t matter if you are reading this post in February, in April, or even in September— there is still plenty of time to get your new year goals and resolutions back on track.

If you’ve fallen off the wagon, here are some tips to climb back in it and buckle up; there’s a long road ahead until the end of the year.

If you haven’t made any new year resolutions or goals for this year or for the next one, or don’t like to because you don’t think that’s “your thing” — okay.

But you also can’t change for the better in any way unless you make the conscious decision to do so. And regardless of your personal journey or path, I believe we all could do a bit better each year.

This is it.

You’re not going to get today back again, and it’s okay to want tomorrow to be slightly better.

How to make New Year Resolutions that You’ll Keep:

1) Write it down. This is such a simple step, yet the majority of people don’t do it.

Yes, there are plenty of people who have stuck to their resolve to lose weight or get out of debt by not writing down their goals, but if you DO write it down you have a greater chance of success.

And who are we to fool around with statistics? If it feels hokey, don’t worry about it. You don’t have to share what you’ve written down to anybody — just keep it in a notebook or folded up in your purse.

2) Tell Someone. I know.

In suggestion number 1 I said you don’t have to share your written resolution or goal list with anyone and now I’m telling you to tell someone else your personal wishes and dreams.

I promise I’m not losing my mind— you still don’t have to share your written out list, but you DO have to share what you’re working on.

Accountability to someone else is a much stronger motivational drive than an intrinsic one. This means that you are more likely to disappoint yourself than you are someone else.

That’s just how human nature is. We are also much more forgiving to others than we are to ourselves —- so if you veer off track, having a supportive someone in your corner is just who you’ll need to confide in and who can help you retain confidence.

We told the Internet — it’s a pretty big group to be held accountable to!

3) Review your resolutions every single day. However you do this is up to you.

You can pull out your list of goals, or rewrite them every morning. Some people have excellent results by writing their resolutions out as if they have already happened. For instance, if your goal is to lose those final last ten pounds, you might start your day by thinking about how thankful you are that you can fit into the dress hanging in the closet.

You can go a step further and visualize yourself wearing it and hear in your head all the complements you’ll get from your friends.

It’s personal, and I have sayings and quotes, and magazine cutouts on it. I only share it with Adam, and even he kind of rolls his eyes a bit at how particular some of my visions (picture cutouts) are.

But that’s okay. Because my vision board makes me smile and keeps me focused on what it is I’m working towards — I look at it quite a few times a day, and somedays it spurs me on to take action on a certain writing assignment or to go do a few pushups.

Other days I just zone out. I’ve decided to believe that even on my zone out days my subconscious is working on something. 😉

4) Pretend you’ve already succeeded. Or fake it till you make it.

This might seem phony at first, but you’ll get used to it in practice. If your New year’s Resolution was to work out every morning, act like a person who works out every morning.

What time does that person wake up? What does she wear? Does she sleep in her workout clothes and works out before getting dressed for the day?

What does she eat? Do you need different food in the house?

If your resolution was to write every day on your All American Novel, start acting like a novelist.

What does a novelist do? Does she get up before everyone else in the house and write for an hour? Does she have a set of index cards with character names and traits?

Does she spend 3 hours a day surfing facebook or pinterest, or does she buckle down and work?

5) Reward yourself. This doesn’t need to be elaborate, nor does it need to be expensive, but you have to find a way to celebrate the tiny steps and milestones along the way.

Day to Day life is hard enough as it is — trying to change or adapt is even harder, even if you know it’s for the better.

Human nature is to find the easiest and least resistant path. It’s easier to lay around on the couch than it is to lace up your shoes and go for a walk.

So reward yourself. Walk to the grocery store and after making a few laps get yourself a pack of sugarless gum.

If you’ve gotten through the entire day without yelling at the kids, take a bath. Paint your toes. Do something just for you that’s a reward. And there is no harm in using the reward as motivation to keep to your goals — “if I don’t use my credit card but instead pay it off, I can use the extra savings in our vacation fund.”

I’m sure you see what I mean.

6) Seek out Been-There/Done-That advice. This is what people mean when they say “find a mentor.”

I don’t know what your goals are — but I do have two groups that I maintain (outside of crockpotting!) that are for mentoring women. I have my Life and Time Management group for moms, and I have my Blogging As a Business mastermind group.

You can learn more about these groups, here:

Why New Year’s Advice from MEN or from Online Gurus Doesn’t Work

So here’s the thing. I’m a 40 year old mom of three girls. They are 15, 12, and 6 right now. I have ALWAYS been a goal-oriented person. I love lists, I love plans-of-attack and I regularly have client phonecalls and skype chats with other Moms who are also smashing their goals out of the park.

But goals written For Men and By Men don’t work for me, and I don’t think they will work for you.

🙂

So, for all you moms out there who are Mom First — I hear you. I know. It’s tough to put yourself first and your ambition first.

So don’t do it for you. Do it for these marvelous beings you have created and brought into this world. Because you are their role model. They look up to you and are watching you.

You deserve to live the best version of your life. You deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted and ever dreamed of.

You want that for your kids, I know you do. It’s okay to want it for yourself, too.

~~~

You don’t have to be in the first week of January to decide to be a New You.

I’m kind of fascinated by time management. I’ve lost count of the number of books I’ve read or listened to on tape/cd about this subject— probably well over a hundred. Whenever I have a moment or two in the library and I’m not stuck in the toddler corral, I wander into the business books and gather anything from the 658 or 332 shelves that I haven’t already read.

Most business books focus around time management and productivity. Productivity=money in business.

If you take a random poll while walking the streets, I’d venture to bet that most people wish they had more of 2 things: time and money.

I can’t really help with the money, but I can help free up some more time in your day.

Change Your Mindset.

This is probably the biggest obstacle to overcome–myself, included. If you have already decided that you don’t have enough time in the day to get it all done, you’ve defeated yourself before you’ve even begun. Don’t set yourself up for failure.

Decide that each day is a blank slate and schedule out what you want to accomplish.

Learn How to Say No.

Don’t agree to anything that doesn’t directly benefit your family. I know. It sounds callous, but if you don’t want to go to the class bowling party, don’t. RSVP no. Don’t lie– just say it’s not going to work out for you and leave it at that. If you don’t want to help organize the Church rummage sale, or arrive early to set up the chairs for the PTA meeting, don’t do it. It’s not healthy to say yes then run yourself ragged living up to a commitment you didn’t want to make in the first place.

Take back your time. Once you feel as if you’re in control of your time instead of outside influences being in charge, you can begin volunteering again.

Get Up Early.

When I suggest getting up early people sometimes freak out. In all the case studies I’ve read of successful people or people who “make it happen” they each have the same characteristic: they get up early. Usually at 5.

I know. I’m sorry.

I’ve done all the acronyms: SAH, WOH, WFH (stay at home, work out of the home, work from home) and I can absolutely-without-a-doubt credit getting up early as the key to a successful day. When I’m up in a quiet house, I feel peaceful. I love watching the sun rise while I sip my coffee, doing yoga without an audience, or going for an early morning walk or run. When I’m on a deadline, I use that hour or two to work.

In 2008 when I did the crockpot year, I got up at 4am most days. I was working from home doing 2 part time jobs, doing the crockpot stuff, and writing the first manuscript for the Totally Together Book. It was nuts, but I knew I needed to keep going. Once or twice a week I also did what I call the “split shift”: I went to bed at 8pm, then got up from midnight to 4am to work. I then slept till 7am when the kids woke me up.

The first week is the hardest, but it gets easier. I’d highly recommend putting the alarm clock on the other side of the room so you need to get all the way out of bed to turn it off. Once you’re out of bed it’s harder to climb back in (which every single day you’ll want to).

You Don’t Work 9 to 5, You Work 5 to 9

When my oldest was about 6 months, I listened to a time management book on tape which is what gave me the idea to make a day planner for moms. I emailed the Franklin Covey company and we corresponded a few times before they blew me off (they did send a 15% off coupon, though!) and I decided to create my own.

One of the lightbulb-moments I had while I was playing around with the project was the realization that I was trying to cram everything I needed/thought I needed to do between the hours of 9am to 5pm. I wanted EVERYTHING done for the day before dinner. I was under the misguided impression that the laundry, etc. should be completely finished before I watched TV or relaxed a bit. Once I started folding laundry during my tv goof-off hour (or whatever) I felt better; more whole.

This doesn’t mean that YOU, personally, need to do everything around the house—I’m a big fan of delegation and whole-heartedly believe that all of the chores should be divvied out among the children and the sexes.

Learn My Exact Strategies for Keeping the House and Family Running Smoothly

Cut Yourself Some (lots of) Slack.

There are times in your life that will always be crazier than others. When you’re pregnant, nursing, not sleeping, sick, the kids are sick, on a huge work deadline stuff just isn’t going to run as smoothly as it does when everyone is on their A-Game. Know this and accept it. Life is not a contest, nor is it a picture-perfect spread in a design magazine.

Happy New Year!

The beginning of the year is made for day dreamers. What will you DO with yourself this year? Will this be the year you finally get organized? Lose weight? Start exercising daily?

Will this be the year that you move to your dream house? Land the dream job? Find a husband? Get a guinea pig (or two) to love lots and lots for two weeks and then forget all about it (them) and leave mom to clean the cage?

It’s up to you.

No really. It is.

The kids and I made vision boards over the weekend while Adam played with his new iPad. He says he doesn’t need to make a vision board because he already has all he needs/wants in life. I could read this two ways: he’s either fulfilled with me and the girls, or he’s fulfilled with the iPad.

hmm.

I first heard of making Vision Boards because of the book and video, The Secret. Before watching the video, I was already big goal setter, but liked the visual aspect of putting a vision board “out there.”

To the Universe.

did I lose you?

I know. It sounds terribly hokey, and I think believing that The Universe is going to respond with sunshine and roses just for “putting it out there” is far-fetched and naive, but I do it anyway.

Here’s why:

1) Writing your goals down forces you to focus on what you really want. You want more money? Great. How are you going to get (attract) this money? Maybe the sign advertising for extra nighttime help at Kohls is a sign (HA! a sign sign. didn’t even plan that one…) from The Universe.

or maybe it’s a coincidence. IT DOESN’T MATTER. What matters is what you DO with this sign (sign!).

2 ) Some people are naturally more visually oriented than others. Flipping through magazine pages is relaxing, and when you’re relaxed and your guard is down, your mind can wander to images that jump out at you. Fancy platform heels and a skintight dress? Maybe this means that deep down you want to either step up your look this year, or lose weight. Or both.

it’s okay.

Dream Big.

3) It’s fun. Art time is fun time. Let yourself have fun—there’s no need for perfection, and there certainly is no right or wrong way to make a vision board. You can hang a bulletin board over your desk, put words of wisdom on the bathroom mirror, cover your refrigerator with inspirational photos—it’s your choice.

My Vision Board is on the back of my bathroom door. We don’t have a home office, and I don’t want to explain what this or that means to visitors/family, so I keep it to myself. This is up to you. My friend Kim has a party with some of her close friends and they make their boards together—do whatever is right for you.

But remember: don’t put the stuff up that you think other people want you to. This is for you, and you only. It’s okay to feel greedy, narcissistic, and ridiculous.

you’re in good company.

Also, a reader emailed. She took a digital picture of her vision board and then uses it as the wallpaper on her phone and computer, so she’s constantly reminded of the things she’s working on/trying to attract. Fantastic!

I went through the computer files yesterday, and PROMed some of my old writing, and the overflowing downloads folder that was causing the desktop to run slower than I’d like.

I found a folder of writing I did 3 years ago. I’m going to copy and paste what I wrote—I entitled it, “How to Be Blissfully Happy.” I wrote this to myself, during a time where I felt like I was just “going through the motions”—we had just moved again, and I was working full-time at a job I hated. Hated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to Be Blissfully Happy

Why are some moms happy and others are not? Are you happy right now?

Why?

Why not?

Our family has moved a lot.

5 times in the past 2 years. That’s an awful lot.

During all the turmoil, I kept finding myself thinking “when we get to XYZ, we’ll be happy.”

I would rush through my day, doing as little as possible do “just get through it” so the next day would come just so everything would start all over again. I was moving fast, the family was moving fast towards our “new life.”

But things were happening around me without me truly enjoying them.

The baby learned how to walk.

I took the pictures and video like a “good mom” but I didn’t have the wonderment and the joy that I would have liked to experience.

My elder daughter said goodbye to her friends—friends that were so close they felt like siblings.

I was there—I again took the pictures—but I was thinking about “getting this done quick” so I could go home to pack.

Pack.

I don’t beat myself up for these things. I made a mistake. I’m human.

But, as a human, I have the choice to do things differently.

I can choose to spend more of my day in a blissful/thankful/joyful/HAPPY state then in a sourpuss/frowny/nothing is ever good enough state.

Because that’s what I would wish for my daughters when they become moms.

I’m not talking about being the Resolve lady who answers from the other room “That’s Okay!” in a sing-songy voice when her kids say they just spilled grape juice on the carpet.

She must be on crack. Who in their right mind would do that? It’s grape juice! Grape juice stains!

But so does yelling.

And freaking out.

And closing cabinet doors a bit too rough. And being so mad that you want to throw things or hit.

Over what?

Grape juice?

On carpet.

Really?

Is that worth it?

But we all do it.We all get so caught up in the moment we lose our cool, our compassion, our quest to be supermom.

And we crack.

Those moms who appear on the outside to be supermoms–do they not have babies up at all hours of the night?Do they not have dishes to wash, a husband who works too much, kids who act ungrateful and the forever-growing Mt. Washmore in their house?