I think it would interesting to go out with woman of these backgrounds (and I am attracted to them) but they dont seem to be a lot of them on any of the OL dating sites.

M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010

hurtbs♀ 10866Member # 10866

Posted: 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Well, where do you live? In some areas of the country there are more of a particular ethnicity. I live in an urban area that's incredibly diverse.

However, I personally would find it off-putting if a guy said, "I've always wanted to date someone of your ethnicity, I thought it would be interesting..." It would make me feel... really objectified.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15479 | Registered: Jun 2006

Threnody♀ 1558Member # 1558

Posted: 8:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

I've tried three times to write a response to this, and while my intentions are good, in print it sounds racist -- against Anglos, to be honest.

So I'll just ask this: "Why are you only looking for them on O L D?" Ethnic events, food stores, you name it. There's a million places they congregate, just like any other ethnicity. Find their social circles. Start there.

But please, do NOT go wander through a cultural fair looking like you're trying to pick out the best basket of berries at a farmer's market. Holy no.

What is it about us that you are attracted to?
We are not "them" we are individuals.
Please don't lump us together.
I appreciate that you find a certain type of woman attractive, but your post makes it sound like you are looking for a particular breed of puppy.
It borders on being offensive.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

Posts: 4747 | Registered: Oct 2007

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 12:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

It borders on being offensive.

I wouldn't even say borders.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

lieshurt♀ 14003Member # 14003

Posted: 12:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

I guess I don't see the issue with it. We all have our preferences....brown hair, green eyes, tall, short, big, small, etc...Why can't ethnicity or race be a preference as well?

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 14058 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 1:04 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

lieshurt, IMO saying you're attracted to dark hair, olive complexion would be a preference. Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

This is one of the better articles I've read on the topic, and I feel that she expresses it much more eloquently than I can.
http://www.thebolditalic.com/ChinHuaLu/stories/3180-why-yellow-fever-is-different-than-having-a-type-

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

lieshurt♀ 14003Member # 14003

Posted: 1:34 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

But couldn't it also be that you know nothing about a particular subsection, so you are trying to broaden your horizons by meeting them?

I completely understand that there are some people who have preconceived notions about a particular group, but it isn't always the case. I'm half Asian. I've had plenty of men tell me they love Asian women because of their beauty, most especially their eyes. I don't really find that to be offensive.

In a way, don't we all have preconceived notions when it comes to who we choose to date? I know we've seen people on here say they only want to date people with degrees (assuming a highler level of intelligence) or only skinny women (assuming a higher fitness level).

I just can't label crushedheart in a negative light because he wants to try something new and different from what he's used to.

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere.

Posts: 14058 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston

Amazonia♀ 32810Member # 32810

Posted: 1:39 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

You and I disagree.

Edit because it sounded like I was using the royal we

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:52 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14097 | Registered: Jul 2011

SisterMilkshake♀ 30024Member # 30024

Posted: 1:40 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

My DS27 is very attracted to other ethnicities. He prefers them all over white women (we are white). I didn't find crushedheart09's remarks offensive. DS27 has dated many women of different races/ethnic backgrounds.

For whatever reason, DS finds those women more interesting and attractive. How else are you going to say that?

Well if its about learning the cultures its one thing but if you are attracted to women of these backgrounds its something else. For hispanic women (I can only speak about what I relate to) try spanish dance clubs (depends where you live), food markets are good or even just diverse social areas. I could tell you a myriad of places to go if you were in my city but those are off the top of my head. Also this may sound racist but hispanic communities are close knit and although the younger generations are more open many families don't like dating outside their race. I had a hell of an argument with my dad growing up because I have never dated a hispanic man.

Madhatter. Separated.

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss

Posts: 2940 | Registered: Oct 2012

TattoodChinaDoll♀ 34602Member # 34602

Posted: 1:46 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

I am half Chinese. I think this whole thing can go either way and would just need elaboration on crushedhearts part. It could just be a preference like tall or brunette. But saying it would be interesting does sound like you're expecting a Chinese woman to walk on your back in bare feet and giggle behind a fan. Maybe it wasn't the smoothest way to ask.

I didn't assume anything...I was serious when I said the distinction between culture and looks. You'd be looking for 2 very different types of women. And my warning about the family stuff was legit as well. I know your comment was not directed at me specifically but I'm sorry if I offended in any way.

Madhatter. Separated.

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss

Posts: 2940 | Registered: Oct 2012

torn2bits♀ 28376Member # 28376

Posted: 5:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

Crushed, there is no reason to leave SI. There are many opinions and unfortunately, its very hard to get tone and meaning across without body language.

Hispanic women are difnitely in dance clubs. It really does depend on your geographic area.

crushed, please don't leave SI - just different opinions, I understood where you were coming from.

I don't know if it's cultural (meaning area of country, not ethnicity) but my experience in my state, Texas, is that people have different attractions. I know many black and hispanic people who have preferences, and we all discuss and joke about it (I'm caucasion) all the time. It's simply not a big deal with the people I know, and I associate with a lot of people from different socio-economic backgrounds.

So, please stick around crushed....

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4875 | Registered: Mar 2011

SeanFLA♂ 32380Member # 32380

Posted: 9:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013

I really think you can't win in today's society. If you say you don't like a certain ethnicity you get condemned...if you say you're attracted to a certain ethnicity you also get condemned.

My mother married a European immigrant because she found his Irish heritage and accent attractive. Women have dated me because they thought my heritage was cute. I've been dating a woman who is originally from Germany. There's never been a worry over "them" or discrimination. Heck her mom was actually a Hitler Youth when she was girl. She didn't know any different being raised in Nazi Germany. But she's a very nice lady. We are products of our environments. I've heard many women in my years say they like Brits or Scots because of their "hot" accents. I don't find it objectifies or discriminates them. Or is this because he's a man saying this and not a women? That's what I see in this conversation.

I believe the difference in people being attracted to one another is what makes the world go round and it makes it a much more tolerable place to live in. Just my two cents.

BS(me) 48
WW 47
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley