Keeping chivalry alive in India: Men respond to rape crisis

By Monica Sarkar, for CNN

Updated 1206 GMT (1906 HKT) July 16, 2013

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India rape protests – An Indian activist gets his head shaven in protest against the Dehli gang-rape in New Delhi on Friday, January 4. A gang of men is accused of repeatedly raping a 23-year-old student on a moving bus in New Delhi. Police formally charged the five suspects with rape, kidnapping and murder after the woman died.

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India rape protests – Indian lawyers shout during a protest at the entrance to Saket District Court in New Delhi on Thursday, January 3.

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India rape protests – About 600 guitarists play John Lennon's "Imagine" in a tribute to the rape victim in Darjeeling on January 3.

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India rape protests – Indian women take part in the Women's Dignity March in New Delhi on Wednesday, January 2. Several hundred people participated in the solidarity march organized by the government, which ended at Rajghat, the memorial for Mohandas Gandhi.

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India rape protests – Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit, center, participates in a group prayer during the Women's Dignity March on January 2.

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India rape protests – Indian demonstrators perform a prayer ritual in memory of a gang-rape victim in New Delhi on Monday, December 31. The family of the victim said they would not rest until her killers are hanged as they spoke of their own pain and trauma over a crime that has united the country in grief.

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India rape protests – A Sri Lankan opposition United National Party activist places her signature on a banner in memory of the Indian gang-rape victim in Colombo on December 31.

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India rape protests – Indian protesters hold candles during a rally in New Delhi on Sunday, December 30, following the cremation of the gang-rape victim.

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India rape protests – Indian protesters walk with police officials during a rally in New Delhi on Sunday, December 30, following the cremation of a gang-rape victim in the Indian capital. The 23-year-old student died Saturday and was cremated at a private ceremony, hours after her body was flown home from Singapore. She had been gang-raped and severely beaten on December 16, triggering an outpouring of grief and anger across India.

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India rape protests – Indian protesters sit by lit candles and hold placards in New Delhi on December 30 during a protest against the gang rape.

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India rape protests – Indian residents pray during a gathering in New Delhi on December 30.

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India rape protests – Protesters hold candles during a vigil in New Delhi on Saturday, December 29, after the death of a gang-rape victim. Authorities erected security barriers throughout New Delhi's key government district after two days of street battles following a woman's gang rape on a bus on December 16. Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has appealed for calm and pledged safety for women and children.

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India rape protests – Indian residents hold lighted candles during a rally in Amritsar on December 29.

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India rape protests – Students in New Delhi on Thursday, December 27, protest a recent brutal gang rape in the city.

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India rape protests – Demonstrators shout slogans and wave placards as they move toward India Gate in New Delhi on December 27.

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India rape protests – Riot police keep watch along a sealed-off road near the India Gate monument on Monday, December 24, in New Delhi after weekend clashes between protesters and police.

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India rape protests – Police fire tear gas on Sunday, December 23, during a protest calling for better safety for women following last week's rape. Thousands of protesters defied a ban on demonstrations in New Delhi on Sunday, venting their anger about the incident.

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India rape protests – Police attempt to disperse protesters on December 23. For a second day, demonstrators were blasted with water cannons in the Indian capital. While some dispersed, others huddled tightly in a circle to brave high-pressure streams in the cold weather.

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India rape protests – Demonstrators turn a car over on December 23.

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India rape protests – Students chant anti-police slogans during a protest against the Indian government's reaction to recent rape incidents in India, on Saturday, December 22, in New Delhi, India. The demonstration was prompted by wide public outrage over what police said was the gang-rape and beating of a 23-year-old woman on a moving bus in the capital last Sunday.

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India rape protests – Demonstrators react from tear gas fired by police on December 22. New Delhi alone reported 572 rapes last year and more than 600 in 2012.

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India rape protests – Police arrest a demonstrator during a protest on December 22. Sunday's attack sparked furious protests across India, where official data show that rape cases have jumped almost 875% over the past 40 years -- from 2,487 in 1971 to 24,206 in 2011.

Since December, rapes have persisted and mass protests have erupted across the country, pointing at inefficiency in dealing with such crimes and an inherent patriarchal nature. But there's one clear observation from the outcry: some of the voices belong to India's men.

"Every time I look into the mirror, I want to see a man whose mother, sister, wife and daughter are proud to call their own," says renowned Bollywood actor and director Farhan Akhtar on the website of his movement formed in March called MARD --- Men Against Rape and Discrimination.

Distributing plastic moustaches -- a symbol of masculinity -- at the cricket ground of Eden Gardens in Kolkata in April, Farhan is using his influence to encourage men to become "real MARDs" -- also meaning "men" in the national language of Hindi.

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He is setting out a plan of action with Magic Bus --- an established NGO in India -- that uses sport to engage children from poorer communities, teaching values such as the importance of education, health and gender equality.

"Young people in India don't have good role models aside from Bollywood and sports people," says Matthew Spacie, Magic Bus founder. "Farhan is a great voice addressing young people."

Parvati Pujari, 22, is one of around 10,000 youth leaders recruited from within communities to deliver the NGO's programs.

She says boys are aware of the rape problem and the need for change. "But somewhere in their minds, they see girls as weak," she adds.

The programs focus on building confidence in girls, for example, to ask for the ball from boys in a game of football, and encouraging boys to believe girls can play as well as they can.

Deepak Kashyap, a psychologist in Mumbai, says the idea of boys being better than girls begins in childhood:

But why do men, or boys, go on to rape? Kashyap says that although pinpointing the reasons are complicated: "Sex, as much as it's about sex, is about power. And the only thing that separates rape from usual sex is consent."

He adds that the definition of what it means to be a man can be unclear to children: "I am gay and when I was growing up, I was always told to be a man," says Kashyap. "I just didn't understand what that meant; does it mean abusing people?

"The reason why I became a psychologist is to understand myself, the culture, gender and sexuality."

At first, it was banned in several cities. The play speaks candidly of female sexuality, including issues such as rape and genital mutilation --- a conversation, Kaizaad Kotwal says, India wasn't ready to have.

But the play is in its 11th year: "The audiences, right from the start, embraced the play," says Kotwal. He claims it were mainly theaters -- and sometimes women -- that opposed.

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"We're saying if women fall short of being a goddess, we'll violate them. In Hindu mythology, many virtuous women are only praised when in subservience to men."

Kashyap says a change in this culture will influence reforms in the legal system.

However, some men are worried about what stricter anti-rape laws might mean for them. Goa Citizen's Welfare Trust formed an NGO in April to protect the region's men or boys wrongfully accused of rape: "There are some women who are taking advantage of this law and misusing it," says founder, Michael Ferns.

Dadleancho Ekvott, meaning the unity of men in the local language of Konkani, will work alongside Goa's police to verify whether a complaint of sexual harassment or rape is genuine by speaking to people surrounding the case.

If the accused is thought to be innocent, they will try to prevent his arrest. Although Ferns believes innocent men deserve protection, he admits the problem faced by women in India is in greater need of attention, and men need to take action.

However, some believe that this is a battle for women only. "Research shows [women's movements] need autonomy and self determination," says Natalie Gyte, head of communications at the Women's Resource Center (W.R.C.), the UK umbrella body for women's charities. "We have to decide what we want and how we want to achieve it.

"It's not dissimilar from the Civil Rights movement which had to come from black people to progress it and have something of their own.

Some men are doing just that. On March 16, men from different walks of life, from suited office workers to rugged Delhi bikers, gathered in Jantar Mantar -- a well-known protest area in Delhi -- to apologize to women.

Holding posters with words such as: "Delhi women: I'm sorry, I'm changing," this was an alternative response to the rape crisis and the offense rate in the city, known as the crime capital of India.

Recent figures from the National Crime Records Bureau show that in 2012, more women were raped in Delhi -- 585 cases -- than in any other of India's largest cities.

The so-called public apology was organized by India for Integrity, a charity formed by a circle of male friends during the anti-corruption movement in 2011. They encourage personal responsibility and follow the slogan: "I am corrupt and change starts with me."

"This isn't our responsibility, what do you have to be sorry for? It's the girl's fault," was one such comment co-founder Jonathan Abraham received on the group's Facebook page, which has over 4,600 likes.

"This is the debate we need to have, encouraging people to introspect. That's the first step to change," says Abraham, echoing the philosophy of the late Mohandas Gandhi, leader of the Indian nationalist movement.

But Abraham believes looking at the statistics of other countries is ignoring the fact that there's a huge problem at home.

Nobody believes social overhauls happen overnight. Spacie says change begins with educating today's youth; therefore it will take a generation before real transformation is seen.

But the efforts of some of India's gentlemen provide hope that chivalry is alive in a country where a rape crisis is at odds with its image of spirituality and gentleness. But how can the message reach the real culprits?

Kotwal says: "The message has to constantly be out in the media, public, our discourse, education, corporate and political worlds.

"It's got to be this drone that you can't get away from. We all have to become the message."