Forgiveness happens when you quit wishing that the past were different. This week, write out a list of all of the behaviors, and incidents you’ve done, disliked, resisted, or are judging yourself for.

As you read over your list, pause before each item and say to yourself, “Even though I _____________, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” For example: “Even though I don’t have a job, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’ve abused myself with alcohol, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m 25 pounds overweight, I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.” “Even though I’m living with (cancer, arthritis, heart disease, etc.), I still deeply, and completely, love, accept and forgive myself.”

As you love, accept and forgive yourself through your list, breathe in deeply, feel your feelings, and let go of your guilt and shame. You’ve held onto them long enough.

I’ve been talking about healthy self love, and I want to talk today about self-forgiveness. People typically tend to forget all of the good things they’ve done and dwell on their mistakes and shortcomings.

You have no control over the past. Keeping yourself bound to what you’ve done in the past keeps you feeling powerless. Forgiving yourself empowers you. It increases your love of who you are, and frees you from the “chains” of the past, opening the door to a new future, and an extraordinary life.

It’s been my experience that “people pleasers” seem to be “nice,” but are often seething with anger inside.

What area of your life has people pleasing caused you to feel resentment, powerless, or made you feel like giving up?

Is your desire to be liked, to look nice, and put others before you really getting you what you want? Really?

Or could that energy be better used to increase your sense of deserving, joy, and self love?

I have a client named Thom. When Thom first came to see me, he had tears in his eyes from the start of our session. He was abused sexually as a child, and made to feel as though he didn’t matter. He hated life, he hated people, and most of all, he hated himself. You wouldn’t know it though. He was a “nice” guy. He was someone people easily took advantage of. He was a walking, talking victim.

Today was his fourth session with me. “I’m not a victim,” he told me. “I’m a person with past experiences. I wouldn’t wish those experiences on anyone, but what I’ve realized is that they made me who I am today.”

Now, that’s what I’m talking about!

What three actions could you take this week that would be pleasing to you? Take them.

I believe that there’s an unspoken epidemic that’s sapping people of the time and energy they need to nurture their dreams and realize their goals. It’s called, “people pleasing.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many of the people I work with who seem to have learned from an early age that pleasing others is a good way to receive validation or affection. By the time they come to see me it’s such a habit that when we talk about what they need to do, my suggestions have to go through a filter of thinking, “How can I do this for myself without letting others down?”

I know that I was guilty of this, especially in my twenties. I simply couldn’t imagine people I loved being able to take care of themselves and their own needs without me. What can I say? I was pretty arrogant.

I do my fair share of flying, enough to know that should the air bag come down for some reason, I’m supposed to put it on myself first, before worrying about the person next to me. My life changed for the better when I started taking care of myself first, and allowed people to take care of themselves. I can tell you, their lives changed for the better as well.

This week, instead of thinking of how you can “earn” the love of others by pleasing them, practice healthy self love and look for ways to please yourself.