Whimsey, did you manage to get any sleep? My heart is aching for you. I'm sorry that hearing from your husband didn't help. Right now you deserve a lot of gratitude and appreciation for the huge effort you are making, and it doesn't sound like you are getting it. Frankly your husband is behaving like a monster.....but that doesn't mean he *is* a monster or that he doesn't love you. Mine was a monster too when he was deep in NRE and seemed to be turning away from me, refusing to see my pain. It was like temporary insanity. That has passed and now we are closer than we have ever been. I hope this can happen for you too, that your relationship will grow stronger from this. Give yourself a lot of credit for what you are doing....you are challenging your heart to expand in a totally unfamiliar direction. If nothing else, you'll learn a lot about yourself and about love. Keep doing kind things for yourself! Sending you hugs and best wishes.