Justin Bieber Fell Down The Stairs And Somehow Managed To Scrape His Neck

Oh Justin Bieber, you Humpty Dumpty of a popstar, you. This kid was already having a really busy weekend, what with rumors swirling that his manager Scooter Braun wanted him to check into rehab, and now he’s sustaining injuries, too? I’m starting to think that Justin might be one of those real life ‘butterfingers’ that you read about. Not in the joke way that kids make fun of each other with in middle school — don’t be ridiculous, four eyes — but in the very serious, scientific way in which your fingers are made out of actual butter. It makes it impossible to put shirts on, and it would go a long way toward explaining how exactly Biebs managed to fall down the stairs and scrape up his neck. Have you ever tried to hang onto anything with hands made of butter? I don’t want to never say never or anything, but it’s damn near impossible!

So yeah, there’s our boy Justin eloquently explaining exactly what happened in a video from his Instagram. (Aw c’mon man, at least have a little class and use Vine.) You see, he decided to fall down the stairs, and then he did. And then he did it. What a storyteller. He even shows us the scrape on his neck, as if that’s a perfectly normal body part to connect with stairs as you are falling down them. I can’t think of anything more ridiculous with which to make a comparison, so I won’t. BUT I’D LIKE TO.

It’s just so heart-warming to see how proud of himself he is, though, because not everyone can just fall down the stairs anytime they’d like to, y’know? And it’s also nice to know that we finally have an explanation behind some of this bizarre behavior, “Oh, Justin lost another monkey while getting a second tattoo of Selena Gomez‘s face after forgetting they weren’t together anymore? Well that’s fine. He hasn’t been the same since he hit his neck falling down that flight of stairs.”