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Topic : 12/18 Dangerous Daughters

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Created on : Thursday, December 13, 2007, 05:11:08 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

Little girls are often the apple of their parents' eye, but what happens when these sweet, innocent daughters grow up to become dangerous young women? Dr. Phil's guests say their daughters are on destructive paths to nowhere. Krista, 22, was a beauty queen who went from wearing a tiara to walking the streets. She will beg, borrow and steal to get money to support her drug habit. She says if she doesn't get help, she will die, but you won't believe what happened after the Dr. Phil cameras left her house! Her mother, Janet, says after two overdoses and four trips to rehab, the family is beginning to lose hope that Krista can be saved. Find out what Dr. Phil tells Krista she must do in order to turn her life around. Then, Beverly and Gil's 26-year-old daughter, Barbara, brutally attacked Gil with a hammer while he slept. Why do they believe Barbara's ex-girlfriend, Corrina, is to blame for the attack? They say Barbara showed no signs of violence before the beating, but did they miss the warnings? Corrina says she has no idea what made Barbara snap, and she wants to clear her name. Barbara's sister and brother weigh in. Why do they also say Corrina is responsible? And, hear what Barbara has to say from behind bars. Join the discussion.

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12/18 Dangerous Daughters

My daughter is an addict, and I certainly didn't cause that, and I am NOT in denial. I did NOT see evidence

of drug use when she was 14 or 15, yet she tells me now that she was using even back then. As soon as I became aware of the truth (she was then 16), I did everything I could think of to do, learned, and read, and consulted specialists, sent her away, moved to a new state, did an intervention, and more. I didn't cause my daughter's addiction, and neither did today's guest. Do you think YOU really have the power to 'drive someone to drink"? (or drug??)

I am sorry about your daughter. I am sorry if you thought I meant the mothers CAUSED the problems. I have no way of knowing and in fact, I don't think they did (well, by example perhaps in the first mother's case). Most parents, just like you, do everything they can to love their children, watch out for them, set a good example, identify problems, and help them when problems occur. I was speaking of the two mothers who were on the show. For one reason or another they refused to see their daugher was in trouble and they didn't appropriately address the problems earlier. The drug addict mother was probably too much out of it herself all through the years, and the other too much in shock to face reality that her daughter could be a killer. Again, just my impression, based on watching the show.

Are you serious?

Corinna has an almost evil presence about her....and I agree if Barbara was so happy with her why did she ask her to leave? Also not enough information was given about Barbaras growing up days. I don't see those two people as uncaring parents... I think they would have gotten her any help she needed.

I saw absolutely nothing evil about Corinna and felt it was awful the way Barbaras mother kept trying to blame her for her daughters actions. High maintenance and her other so-called reasons for putting blame on Corinna were outrageous. People have problems in relationships and from anything mentioned on the show both by Dr. Phil and Barbaras parents, Barbara has had behavioral and control troubles throughout her life. To place any blame whatsoever on Corinna was despicable. It was obvious Dr. Phil felt this was out of line. My sympathies were with Corinna on this one.

Talk about denial

The story about Christa was so sad and really touched my heart.

However, does Mom not know that Christa's mother being an addict, there was a high probability that her daughter would become an addict. Where was this woman's head? I know it's not easy and I do not know all the facts, but this child, in my opinion, has been woefully failed by her family (mother).

I hope she is able to come out the other side healed ... and Mom too. Thanks, Dr. Phil for offering this great help to this broken child.

12/18 Dangerous Daughters

I think Barbara's problem stemmed from lack of discipline her whole life, and her parents always blamed others for the bad deeds Barbara did. I Think Dr. Phil should have let them know that they had a hand it.

I also feel the parents owed the ex-girlfriend a sincere thank-you for possibly saving their lives by pushing Barbara outside and locking the door. I hope they raise their granddaughter different.

I completely agree with everything you said. Corinna was very obviously shaken and hurt by their accusations and trying to place blame on her instead of realizing their daughter is the one who needs help. My sympathies are with Corinna.

12/18 Dangerous Daughters

The Daughter told us that she started abusing alcohol at the age of 14 and drugs there after......One would have to assume that she got the alcohol at first in the home. Are the mother and father recovering? It sounds as if the pills that when the daughter first started taking pills they were from her mother and she is still leaving the daughter access to them. The mother seemed just as or more high than the daughter. One should be worried that unless that girl moves away after treatment, she will deffinately relapse, seems that her mother is maybe unknowingly the culpret................

One would have to assume that she got the alcohol at first in the home. Are the mother and father recovering?

I am Janet's best friend. Krista was a flower girl at my wedding in 1991. In the almost 20 years I have been part of this family's life, I have never ONCE seen alcohol in their house. Both Janet and her husband are recovering. They work very hard, have active lives, and both go to 12-step meetings, including Alanon. What you saw on the show was a very emotional, desperate mother who was put under the spotlight. We're not surprised Janet became a target. Janet knew going into this that she was taking a risk of being judged for her choices with regards to medication.

What Janet and I kept reminding each other was this - THAT SHOW was about SAVING KRISTA'S LIFE. Janet was stone-cold sober and shes been sober since we met back in 1988. Her daughter has drained the life out of her. Its caused emotional and financial burdens you can't even imagine. To say "the mother seemed just as or more high than the daughter" is beyond ignorant. You have no idea what you're talking about. Unfortunately, this is what happens when you see what footage is chosen for the final show. You don't see a woman who came from a very dysfunctional family and managed to get sober in 1986. You don't see the other daughters that have grown up beautifully without any addiction problems. You don't see the life Janet brings to a room when she's not weighed down by the anxiety of her daughter's turmoil. You don't see the successful career history Janets built, overcoming low self esteem and past demons. You don't see how my own sons adore her. You don't see how giving she is, helping my sons and me out because I'm a single parent.

Where was this woman's head??

However, does Mom not know that Christa's mother being an addict, there was a high probability that her daughter would become an addict. Where was this woman's head? I know it's not easy and I do not know all the facts, but this child, in my opinion, has been woefully failed by her family (mother).

I hope she is able to come out the other side healed ... and Mom too. Thanks, Dr. Phil for offering this great help to this broken child.

What does that mean? Of course Janet and her husband knew the odds were stacked against them when they decided to have children. So did I. Does that mean recovering addicts are never supposed to have children? Janet has two more daughters who have not shown ANY signs of addiction and are doing beautifully.

Maybe I don't have all the facts, but I hope you're not suggesting addicts shouldn't procreate.

As far as Krista being woefully failed, you do NOT have all the facts. I have been close to this family for 20 years. Janet and her husband are wonderful people and great parents. Their youngest (a teenager) has friends over all the time. Teenagers who have something to hide do NOT hang out at home and they especially don't bring friends over if they have secrets to hide.

Television has a horrible way of showing the viewer a skewed perspective. I wish everyone who is attacking Janet and accusing her of being "high" (as some posters did) stop taking everything they see, spliced and edited, as THE gospel truth.

Drug abuse not a disease!

I am so sick and tired of doctors and their diseases for everything. Drug abuse is not a disease, it is a life style. people on drugs or booze were not sitting a home one day and the drug or booze disease came calling. Addiction is a character flaw and i am really tired of people putting a sickness label on it. I started drinking and smoking when I was 12 or 13 and had committed myself to a pretty serious cocaine habit by the age of 28 or so. That was a flaw in my character, not a disease. Only when I decided to change that flaw did I kick the drugs, 15 years ago. At the age of 50, I haven't had a cigarette in almost 10 years and I might drink a case of beer in 6 months. So tell me, I took no cure,I attended no AL-ANON , no narcotics anonymous, I was not sent away to some glitzy rehab centre. No, I realized that i had a flaw in my character and I changed it myself !!!!!! This little brat with her addictions, needs to look at herself from the outside to see what kind of person she has become, and when she really sees and sees what she is doing to everyone around her, only then will she be ready to change her character and stop thinking only about themselves. That is most of problems with people on this show, they don't think of anyone other than themselves. We boomer's have raised a bunch of weak minded, socially retarded and morally devoid offspring, and we ask ourselves where did it all go wrong. Well people we went wrong and we taught our kids to be wrong, and we look too much to people like Dr. Phil to fix us, we don't need the Dr Phil's of the world, we need only look to ourselves to fix ourselves. PERIOD !!!!

Opinion from an addict

I'm in recovery and let me tell you firsthand...I was a manipulative, abusive, lying, selfish shell of a human being who didn't give a damn about ANYONE (including me) when I was in the grips of my disease (and yes...I believe it is a disease and so does the AMA; I am still responsible for my CHOICES and whether I choose to "give in" to my disease or work on my recovery BUT the disease is inside me now...whether *I* caused it to be there or not is a mute point because my focus is overcoming it, not dissecting it's origin).

Anyway, my family helplessly watched my demise and wondered what the hell I was doing to myself; they had no idea what to do and ended up doing the thing that makes sense toNON-ADDICTS who are desperate for a solution, desperate to help, worried sick and scared to death....they helped me out (usually financially) of every scrape I got myself into. Now, I completely understand why they did it and at the time, I would have it no other way (or else I would make SURE they paid dearly, for Hell hath for fury like a practicing addict that does NOT get her way!), but until my mother finally smartened up and cut me off, I could not get better. And the fact that it took so long for my family to wise up to who and what I was and the fact that I was using them is NOT their fault; an addict is a very clever, cunning creature....our very survival depends on our skills of manipulation, deceit and our ability to evoke guilt and sympathy. WE DO NOT PLAY FAIR, but "normies" don't get how twisted we really are....they take us at face value at first and then, after continuously getting burned by us, they delude themselves into thinking we will change. Then they simply don't know what else to do and feel so defeated and hopeless they become putty in our hands (which is our goal).

My advice to parents is to cut your kids completely OFF except for help that is directly related to treatment and recovery. I'm a parent, so I know that this is not something that will be easy, but trust me....until the addict has to face the life THEY created (and that may mean homelessness, suicide attempts, etc...it did for me) they will just continue to use (and use YOU). Even when the addict SWEARS it is the last time....that they really, really want to change.....that this is it; they are at rock bottom and they have had enough....do NOT give them money or open up your homes (or even your cupboards). DO NOT TRUST AN ADDICT. The only exception to this...and this alternative should be offered repeatedly and lovingly (as you are shooing them OUT THE DOOR) is if they want to enter into recovery in some capacity (rehab ideally, if you can afford it but since this option isn't always there, a 12 step program on their own, but program that would include a complete life change such as moving back home or in clean and sober housing and being accountable to you everyday...maybe giving up their car....definitely giving up their old relationships....maybe giving up their jobs if necessary to focus 100% on recovery, WHATEVER IT TAKES). The thing is that the addict has to give up his old life BEFORE you can help him or else he will just fall right back into old habits and you are once again nothing but an easy mark.

For me, once I truly hit bottom, had to deal with it on my own (sobering!) and was finally receptive to REAL help....help that was going to get me off drugs, not help that I could manipulate into feeding my addiction...I moved back in with my dad (at 36) and agreed to follow a plethora of rules and regulations (rehab, daily 12 step meetings, UA's, being accountable every day). THIS kind of help is a Godsend, but if my dad would have just thrown money at me (again!), I would have been back out there using in a second. Now that I'm IN recovery and am regaining trust again, the rules are letting up and I'm building my own life back up again (and now that I have proven to them I'm trustworthy, they are more than happy to help me get back on my feet and become independent again). But timing is everything; the addict needs to prove worthy of help before you can offer it.

Bottom line....if you truly love your addict kids (or spouse or whatever) you will probably have to cut them loose, stop giving them chance after chance and let them burn out on their own. As horrible at it is to imagine and/or watch, this detatchment is absolutely necessary in order to actually help them. They will hate you at the time and you will likely hate yourself at times (and here is where Al-Anon will become invaluable to you), but it WILL turn out for the best. I am eternally grateful for my mom putting her foot down.

12/18 Dangerous Daughters

I am sorry about your daughter. I am sorry if you thought I meant the mothers CAUSED the problems. I have no way of knowing and in fact, I don't think they did (well, by example perhaps in the first mother's case). Most parents, just like you, do everything they can to love their children, watch out for them, set a good example, identify problems, and help them when problems occur. I was speaking of the two mothers who were on the show. For one reason or another they refused to see their daugher was in trouble and they didn't appropriately address the problems earlier. The drug addict mother was probably too much out of it herself all through the years, and the other too much in shock to face reality that her daughter could be a killer. Again, just my impression, based on watching the show.

For one reason or another they refused to see their daugher was in trouble and they didn't appropriately address the problems earlier. The drug addict mother was probably too much out of it herself all through the years,

The "drug addict" mother happens to be my best friend. Janet has been CLEAN AND SOBER since we met back in the late 80's. Janet is a recovering addict, as am I. We addicts tend to be self-absorbed people. She would be the first person to admit it. But never would she be "out of it" to the point of being blind to her daughter's active addiction. I never saw it and I've done this family for 20 years.

If Janet's guilty of anything, it's being human. Never once have I ever seen any neglect towards Krista. Addicts are the greatest con-artists and when I found out Krista was using, I was completely shocked. How dare you say "the drug addict mother was out of it herself." Were you there????

Still an Addict

For one reason or another they refused to see their daugher was in trouble and they didn't appropriately address the problems earlier. The drug addict mother was probably too much out of it herself all through the years,

The "drug addict" mother happens to be my best friend. Janet has been CLEAN AND SOBER since we met back in the late 80's. Janet is a recovering addict, as am I. We addicts tend to be self-absorbed people. She would be the first person to admit it. But never would she be "out of it" to the point of being blind to her daughter's active addiction. I never saw it and I've done this family for 20 years.

If Janet's guilty of anything, it's being human. Never once have I ever seen any neglect towards Krista. Addicts are the greatest con-artists and when I found out Krista was using, I was completely shocked. How dare you say "the drug addict mother was out of it herself." Were you there????

I am amazed that Janet, a "recovered addict" is taking adderal, klonipin & whatever else. Who does she get to "precribe" this stuff to her & for what conditions? Or does she get it over the internet. She was clearly enabling & all about herself & her fake tears! She acts like an addict, in denial & making excuses for everything. She ought to pack up & go to rehab herself. No, she is not clean & sober, she's addicted to presciption medication & the quack who gives it to her ought not to be practicing medicine.