The author of translation requested proofreading.It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.

Good. Welcome to LT.
Suggestion: into the abyss. Otherwise meaning: someone is far away from the abyss and is being dragged to the edge.
It bleeds on lips, but i don't see much harm from "on your lips"
I breathe deeply so I won't breathe anymore > i inhale deeply so I won't breathe anymore

Hi! Thanks a lot for the comment. I've changed the lines in accordance with your comments.

I have a question about this line, this one is very poetic:
> Тянет сердце грузом в пропасть, каменея изнутри
How to translate it well to explain the whole process? Basically, the heart turns to stone from the inside (каменея изнутри) and drags the author into the abyss. Should we translate as well this word (грузом), and if yes - how to make it better?

I've decided to translate the sentence this way:
> My heart becomes petrified from the inside and pulls me into the abyss
But I'm not sure that it's the best option.