A blog to talk about the scientific and emotional aspects of infertility!

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Thursday, March 26, 2015

An Infertile Mother's Love Letter

This is an e-mail I received from one of my blog readers. She has expressed beautifully the love she carries for her prospective children. Moreover, this expressive letter captures the emotion of women going through 2ww. R, I haven't heard from you after that. Sorry for the delay in publishing your wonderful writing. I wish you loads of luck !

I always read your blog and stumbled on it online .Read your last post and my heart really goes out to you.. I understand what you are facing. Am in a similar journey.. with multiple IVF failures.. I pray to god that all our journeys end favorably.your blog gives me strength to cope and hope to try again.Below is a letter I have written to my embies and I really want to share it on your blog

Dear Babies,

I want to call you by your name which we had thought of when we had just got married.. We had never known in our wildest dreams that you might not come easily or it could be delayed and we would not know when you would come.

Every time you are transferred to me(i think i have had 10 embies inside me till now)..I pray to god to let atleast one of you stick to my uterus..I literally beg you to stick to me.. I have spoken to all you with promises of always keeping you happy and doing everything in my power so that you will never regret coming to my arms.I want you all very badly.. so that our family is complete.I want to say that we love you ,we can proudly say we have seen you from day1 of your life in a petridish.

We want to be parents so badly that for the 2 weeks that you all are in me.. we feel so pregnant and glad with hope. We always hope that it leads to a journey of nine months and then you will be home with us.But unfortunately it has never happend , when i got a Bhcg positive.. you don’t know how much of our hopes were raised and how happy we were that we thought we had succeeded finally but then i don’t know what happened and you decided to not come. And we crashed again, we could not see any hope in sight and everything around us was broken. With lot of difficulty we picked the pieces again and started another stimulation cycle after couple of months.. and no result yet.. some times i ask my self why am doing all this ?going through so much emotionally,physically and financially.I realise that i want you much more than anything i have ever wanted in my life.Today i can say that this journey has made me a better person in terms of understanding

peoples pain.i will never say one insensitive word to another soul cause i know how it might make some one feel.

This ride has really taken a toll me . i used to be an extrovert always kept in touch with all my friends from school,college and work.But today i avoid all of them because they don’t understand my struggle and end up saying things which upset me more.I want you to pls come soon to our lives.Your amma and appa want to get back to normal life soon..a life away from injections,scans tablets , blood tests,follicle sizes and freezing samples.A normal life with a job which i once had.its like our life is in a standstill mode and pauses after the betahcg and then the cycle begins agains.We really love and promise to be good parents all we are asking is give us a real good chance.

Pls stick to me embies and we will enjoy the ride .. its a promise from us muahhhh

3 comments:

Sorry, I really have no idea ! I love to hear from people. But, many don't keep in touch. I never contact them and ask how is it going for them. It doesn't mean I don't care anymore. I just feel it is an invasion of privacy. But, I would love to hear from all of them. I have noticed that many don't want to keep in touch when they get pregnant. I understand their fear. But, I appreciate those who share their happiness with me :)

I understand Manju.But it would have really given lots of people hope if they would have known whether the above lady was able to conceive.But lastly its her wish whether to update us or not. I hope she sees the comments some dayThanks

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Disclaimer

Please note that I have no medical training or qualifications, and that the contents of this blog are thereof are opinions, not medical advice.

have medical training or qualifications, and that the contents thereof are opinions, not medical advice. - See more at: http://healthbeat.areavoices.com/2010/09/29/the-expert-patient/#sthash.YPxLA3EA.dpuf

have medical training or qualifications, and that the contents thereof are opinions, not medical advice. - See more at: http://healthbeat.areavoices.com/2010/09/29/the-expert-patient/#sthash.YPxLA3EA.dpufPlease note that I have no medical training or qualifications, and that the contents of this blog are thereof are opinions, not medical advice.

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I thrive on love and affection!

I am a 36 year old Indian woman, happily married for seven years. This blog captures the 7 year infertility journey we went through to have our daughter Anisha. I have to undergo7 IVF/ICSI cycles, three miscarriage (including a still birth where I lost my twins to incompetent cervix) and 3 FETs to have our little miracle in hand. This journey was excruciatingly painful at times yet shaped me in ways happy times wouldn't have. Looking back, I wonder about myself ! I feel proud that I was able to be sane and strong after so many IVFs and heartbreaking miscarriages. Now I am very happy and serene than if I would have had children without any problems ( a bit crazy too ! :) The secret is, infertility is a great teacher. It taught me to be strong, humble, resilient, rational, forgiving, empathizing and hopeful. BTW, I am a scientist by profession. I hold a doctorate degree in Human Biology and I believe my education has helped me to tackle infertility bravely. I would like to share my experience and knowledge which I gained during this happy struggle to meet our offspring with you all. If you could share with me your thoughts and experiences I will be very happy !