Sweet Ce's Journal, 02 July 2013

So, I see and accept the weight gain. It's totally expected and understandable. I was emotionally overloaded and needed an outlet. I chose not to hit anyone or scream obscenities. I chose not to drink alcohol to oblivion. I chose to eat M&Ms, Snickers and lots of bread and cheese. ....AND, I chose to reach out for help. I chose to enlist the support of a nutrition coach, because - just like with the alcohol - I can't do this alone. Pride will sabotage me every time. Humility, oddly, will be my saving attribute.

So, allowing the coaching to sink in, I've begun to try to slowly return to some saner food choices - conscious choices at any rate. The conscious awareness not only of my choices but of the responses within my body is where I want to be in this journey. I want to listen to what my body is telling me. The food is not bad in and of itself. The needs of my body, however, may not be met by some of the food choices I can make.

Also, the activity level is important. But, again, with conscious awareness. I can't do the marathon training I did 7 years ago. HOWEVER, I CAN do something. I can do a combination of fast walking, inclines and short stints of running. And as the weight will come down, and as my muscles become accustomed to this level of use again - I will be able to do so with more vitality and less pain. I know this.

Yesterday & today I woke up early and did my recommended 35 minutes on the treadmill. (OK, NOBODY comment on how boring that is - it's what I can afford to do for aerobic exercise in the moment.) The prescription was 5 minutes warm up followed by 25 minutes "peak heart rate" and another 5 minutes cool down.

Here's how I translate that prescription to my abilities:

Warm up: Five minutes at 3 or 3.5 MPHPeak: In three-minute increments (to keep it a little stimulating and keep my consciousness engaged) increase the speed to 4.0, 4.3, 4.5 MPH and the incline up to 1, 2, 3, 4. (I keep the incline increments at 3 minutes each and then come back down for 3 minutes each) Final peak: 4-5 minutes of running at 5.0-6.5 MPHCool down: Five minutes slowly decreasing from 3.5 to 2MPH at 0 incline.

I found that both yesterday and today I have more energy and less "need"/desire for coffee. I also found my appetite affected in a downward trend. Fewer calories in and more exercise - I feel better about my involvement in my journey. I feel more positive and engaged in who I am. I feel more agency over my life. Regardless of what "Sally the Scales" says to me, I'm in a "lighter" frame of mind.