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Sunday, May 2, 2010

Here I am!

Sorry it has been a while since I've last updated. I've been busy with running the kids for baseball (sometimes 4 days a week) and I've also had a lot on my mind. Let me try to catch you up....

April 25th I turned 31. I should've been celebrating my life, but instead I was struggling with my emotions. Every year, around this time, I tend to get very sad, scared, and emotional because 2 years ago around this time my life was changed forever.

In February 2008 Jeff found my lump, May I was diagnosed, June I started chemo, July I lost my hair, and it goes on and on. The feelings that go along with each of these events seem to come flooding back each year, around this time and smack me in the face like a ton of bricks. I start to struggle, wondering if I am going to be one of the ones who get lucky and remain cancer free or if the beast will come back and take me out.

I know, I know, don't think like that! But the truth is when something as serious as Cancer happens to you, it is hard to get past. I've seen so many young women from YSC die, who statistically should've survived. I know that with Cancer there are no guarantees.

As if that weren't enough to deal with, a few days prior to my birthday I noticed a bunch of bruises were on my thighs, specifically just the inside of my right thigh had over 13. I knew that was not a place you usually bump, so my caution flag went up. I started paying attention to where the bruises were, so I would notice any new ones.

Sure enough, later that day I noticed there were new ones and I knew I had not bumped into anything. They were on the inside of my thighs, the outside of my thighs, my knees, and shin. My mind secretly went to chemotherapy-induced leukemia and a rush of panic came over me. Yeah, that's right, the treatment that is suppose to save your life, can also cause other kinds of cancer.

Anyway, when Monday rolled around I called my oncologist's office and they told me to come in. They did bloodwork and my platelet count was fine, so Dr. P started to look at my med list. Within the last 2 months I had 4 Allergy meds added to my list. One of them is Singulair and one of the side effects is bruising. He said that I could still have an abnormality with my platelets that you won't find unless you do more testing, but since I have only been on Singulair for a few weeks and the bruising just started, we are going to assume it is the cause for now. If I go off of the Singulair and continue to have the bruising then I need to come back in.

I've also had other symptoms that worry me (my lymph nodes in my neck bother me, my lungs hurt when I breathe, my throat hurts, my lower back hurts, I have cramps almost everyday, etc) but I don't mention them. I feel like I've turned into a hypochondriac and feel stupid. I never use to go to the doctor for anything and I hate that every ache or pain now worries me, so for now I am going to keep it to myself and see if it goes away or gets worse.

Okay, enough of the bad stuff...

I have a surgery date!! June 4th I will trade these evil tissue expanders for some new silicone implants. The surgery will take about 2 hours and I will go home the same day. I cannot wait!

More good stuff...

I am so proud of my children. Gavin has been struggling with this first year of little league. He has gotten upset, cried even, but he has not given up. He has come such a long way since the first practice and I couldn't be prouder. When he does well it means so more, because he has had to work so hard at it. His first game is Tuesday, as long as the weather permits.

Camille started Coach pitch a couple weeks ago and she is doing really well. I feel like she has an advantage, because she watches all the little league practices and has been practicing along side her big brother. It is so cute to see her using the skills she has learned from watching the boys. After the first practice Jeff asked her how it went. Her reply was "Good, I am the best player on the team!" Isn't she modest?! lol

They both had a good day on Friday. Camille is a finalist (there are 4 and 1 alternate) in the 2nd grade spelling bee and will advance. She is super excited and I expect her to go far.

Gavin got picked for the principal's trip. In order to get picked for this, the students have to do well on certain math tests and then their name is put into a drawing (One entry per test). 4 students from each class will go on a special field trip with the principal.

Cute, huh?! The best part is the sizes I got. FYI: if you start to feel fat and depressed, go shopping at Maurices. Their sizes run big and I was able to buy size 1!!! I haven't worn a size 1 in close to 7 years.

I've also reach a new milestone. Within the past month I have managed to pull my hair into a small ponytail!! There is still a lot of hair that falls out, but I am still thrilled!

Sometimes it really is the small things in life.

My local Relay for Life event is only 12 days away and I am so excited. Jenn (who moved to Arizona recently) is going to fly in to stay Thursday through Sunday and Kellie and her children will be coming from Robesonia, PA Friday and staying till Sunday. We are going to have so much fun!!

I'm sure there are other things I'm forgetting, but that's basically what has been going on in my life. I'll try to update again this week after I see my radiation oncologist on Wednesday.

On May 9th 2008, I graduated from nursing school, excited to take my boards, and begin my career as an RN.; May 28th 2008, my world was turned completely upside down, when the doctor told me I had breast cancer at the age of 29. This is my blog that documents my journey through breast cancer and beyond.