I knew I had to try these when I saw them because you guys love crap like this. (Example: devil chicks.) Somehow, my food-as-animals projects always turn out many shades of creepy. And penguins are just a little creepy to begin with. (Just me? Oh. Awkward.)

You’ll note to begin with that I read the directions wrong and forgot to buy another jar of smaller olives to be the penguin heads. I only bought the colossal body olives. I decided to sub with a half-used jar of kalamata olives, because why the hell not?

The most laborious and tedious part of this entire process was prepping the carrots. I hate peeling carrots, guys. Hate. The peel goes everywhere, and half the time the end breaks off the freaking carrot anyway, after you spent all that time peeling it, and just ugh. Stupid carrots. Why do you have to grow in the ground and therefore require peeling, huh? Get that shit together.

Also, these carrots happen to be the tiniest carrots known to man, and for this pin test, that’s not such a good thing. Too small carrot and too big olive. (Sounds like a bad date, right?)

Pictured is the head and feet of one penguin.

I almost decided to give up here, but I pressed on and made a body out of a giant olive and cream cheese, and it was very, very messy. (I won’t make a tiny carrot, giant olive, really messy joke, but feel free to go there if you like.)

But I actually managed to get the thing to, you know, stand up and vaguely resemble a penguin. Ish. Well, you know, as close as I figured I would get anyway. They’re sure not going to win any beauty contests, and they took way a lot of time to make, even with these mediocre results, but hey. I did a thing.

Summary

Article Name

Olive Penguins

Description

It's cute when your food looks like animals, unless it looks like the animal it actually WAS in life. Olive penguins. They're cute.

I cannot stop giggling at that last picture. It’s like bizarre mutant penguins with elongated heads because they came out of their mother’s penguin vagina wrong or something. YES, I know penguins hatch from eggs! (I really do love penguins, and one of my prized possessions is a penguin booze decanter that plays “How Dry I Am” when you wind it up.) But those olive penguins definitely got their heads squished when traveling down the pink penguin tunnel.

Anytime my mother tries to reference the show, she always writes Dr. Who. I feel like an exasperated 15 year old whenever I see her do that and just want to go, “Oh my gawd, Moo-ooom, get with the program, gawd.”

Considering the originals look like soulless penguin monsters (the no eyes thing is freaky) yours really don’t look that bad in comparison. Seems like an awful lot of work just to eat some olives and carrots though