One of the top stories was the surprise notice that our pal Dave will leave the show in 2014. Assistant cue card technician Todd Seda will take over the Late Show after the Olympics. Read more under April 4. OK... it was just a spoof of Leno's departure in 2014. Kathy Mavrikakis did give Todd a tour of the set, just in case. (video)

The real top story came our way on October 4. Dave and Les Moonves agreed to an extension of Dave's contract into 2015. It doesn't mean he's leaving in two years. It just means he's locked in a while longer... hopefully, much longer. (press release).

Dave sat down with Oprah Winfrey for 43 minutes on her Oprah's Next Chapter on November 26, 2012. This was taped on the day of Dave's "Conversation with Oprah Winfrey" at Ball State. Oprah did a fine job with the interview, and Dave was very candid. The air date was January 6.

The Weekend Late Show got off to a rocky start this year, with Dave announcing on January 4 that he hated both Bruce and Linda, and he was sure that Bruce has a criminal record. Now this...

Dave fired Bruce and Linda with tape rolling, ending the Weekend Late Show on February 15. On March 13, fans finally learned the names of Bruce and Linda, Anne Carney and Roger Michelson. What I miss about the Weekend Late Show is Bruce previewing segments, e.g., "Fun with Carbon Paper," "Toothpick Etiquette," "Outsmarting Your Game Warden," "Squatter's Rights" and "Should You Think Twice Before Licking a Stamp?"

The Carnival Cruise ship Triumph became stranded at sea on February 10, providing talk show hosts comedy gold. How about this: "The pope is urging compassion for those less fortunate: of course, the poor, the indigent... compassion for them... the oppressed... also, Carnival Cruise passengers." – Dave, March 19

Pope Benedict XVI retired on February 28, leading to dozens of comedy bits. Then the fun began with Pope Francis.

Selena Gomez delivered the guest line of the year on March 18, "Well, then, that makes two of us." It seems that she and Dave both made Justin Bieber cry. Here you'll see Dave and Selena pounding it at Justin's expense. That'll teach him to wear those stupid caps. (video)

The campaign of Anthony Weiner for mayor of New York City rivals Toronto mayor Rob Ford as the #1 target for the Late Show this year. We learned that Weiner's cell phone and Internet mischief has continued over the years, under the pseudonym Carlos Danger. The CBS Orchestra wrote a catchy theme song for the resigned Congressman. (video)

The Pie Pan Pounder, the foreign man who's seen smoothing the edge of a pie pan by hammering on it against an anvil, debuted on October 16. We began with a clip of his rhythmic hammering. The writers added to the fun by having the CBS Orchestra play "Mississippi Queen" and Verdi's "Anvil Chorus." One night, Jerry Foley synched up "Monster Mash" to the cacophony. My favorite is the "Anvil Chorus." The CBSO really rocked that one. Those wishing to study the audio waveform of this master craftsman hammering may click here. Look under the Ps in my Video Archives to enjoy each performance.

On July 23 we met Graham Fenwick-Jones, CBS News Chief Foreign Correspondent. Graham appears from London via split screen with Dave, with insight on issues of the day: the Fiscal Cliff, the U.S. government shutdown and the NFL. Graham first appeared to comment on the royal birth of the British Baby Despot. His heavy use of British slang leaves about 20% of what he says understandable, which is good because Graham tends to throw in naughty language that we who speak American can't understand.

Dave threw some curves at Jack Hanna on October 10. Dave knew in advance what varmints Jack would show. He loaded up fun facts on each animal, then upstaged Jack's talking points.

November 4 made for a late start, but Toronto mayor Rob Ford will end 2013 as this year's Lindsay Lohan. Dave introduced us to the 330-pound politician on this date, and the hits kept coming. By mid November, he'd already been censured by the city council, admitted drug use and admitted being out-of-control drunk. So far, he hasn't stuck his tongue out like Miley. Thanks, Mr. Mayor. We don't think he's capable of twerking.

Underutilized this year was Joe Grossman, seen in "Chris Christie Isn't Overweight" jokes on June 3, and in a November 20 investigation of a low-quality monologue joke. I got to give director Jerry Foley my plug for more Joe time on June 4. Jerry confirmed that sometimes he has to cut away from Joe when he's about to break character and smile at some of the outrageous lines he has to deliver. Sarah (Billington) Connell was seen for a few moments, in a Virgin Airlines commercial. Rupert Jee was scarce since early in the year. Truly scandalous is the absence of Brian Teta in this year's telecasts. We've only seen him in his "Backstage Photo Club" trading card. Not good.

Allison Williams dropped by on January 11. She's a charming guest and a genetic masterpiece, which is nice. On January 15, Jennifer Lawrence described her efforts as a pathological liar as a little girl. (She spayed cats and dogs on the weekends.) Chris Christie gobbled a mid-interview donut on February 4. God, a best-selling author and renowned disciplinarian, appeared in the March 12 episode, via a burning bush. Take that, Leno! Dave and Selena Gomez compared notes on March 18, discovering that each had made little Justin Bieber cry. Martin Short returned on April 4, with another blockbuster musical number. Lindsay Lohan needed Kleenex® during her April 9 visit, just before reporting for lock-up rehab. Amanda Seyfried had her doggie, Finn, perform a Stupid Pet Trick on July 30. The trick was also done by Ted Koppel in 1987. We won't soon forget the 20th anniversary show on August 29, with Bill Murray as Liberace, taking a pick axe and jackhammer to the set. Cher basically had the entire program on September 24. Her interview was incredible. Jennifer Lawrence returned on November 20 to brief us on her gastrointestinal hyperactivity, and just about every entertainment site in North America picked up that story. On November 22, Howard Stern claimed that his piano teacher hanged himself. Josh Groban sang the Top Ten Christmas Songs for 2013 on December 11. Darlene Love blew the roof off the dump, as usual, with her latest performance of "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" on December 20.

Top Targets of 2013

According to the episode logs, Anthony Weiner / Carlos Danger was the source of the most comedy gold. Other targets were Edward Snowden, Carnival Cruises, President Pooty, Regis (of course), Mayor Rob Ford, Pope Francis and the Jimmys. Crack hobbyist Rob Ford would have taken the year's top honors, but he wasn't on Dave's radar until November 4. Chris Christie, who was such a target last year, came on the show on February 4 and joked about himself, and Dave lightened up on the governor a bit after that. After the disastrous rollout of Obamacare, the writers actually tested the waters with some jokes about Barack Obama, which is kind of a monumental development, given the show's stance since George W. Bush's second term. Of course, anyone would have to admit that W had some funny mishaps with the English language.

Visit These Sites for Extra Credit.

For funny, comprehensive, behind-the-scenes info on the show, plus complete details on every guest interview, nothing beats the Wahoo Gazette.

Visual learners can visit my Video Archives for segments from the past 32 years.

NEW INTRO: "From the heart of Broadway... broadcasting across the nation and around the world, it's the Late Show with David Letterman!"

2

Dave presents his New Year's resolutions:

• I hope to have a gallery showing of my clown paintings.
• I want to put all my Late Show jackets on eBay.
• Bring muffins to my yoga class.
• Speak up more at my book club.
• Call my doctor five hours after taking Viagra.

4

Dave announces his hatred for Bruce and Linda, that he's sure Bruce has a criminal record, and should be in prison. (video)

Jennifer Lawrence plugs Silver Linings Playbook. I really enjoyed her segment. She's 22, and now has her second Academy Award nomination. She was a funny and agreeable guest, and also much more ornery than the average guest. She's a little bit sick, and early on she kind of horked up something. Cool. Dave asks Jennifer what drew her to acting. She reports that she was a pathological liar as a kid. She once claimed she was going to get her legs amputated. She claimed her dad drove a barge, and the family were millionaires. Not enough? She claimed she spayed cats and dogs on the weekends! (video) While finishing this review, I read in US Weekly that Jennifer's nickname as a girl was Nitro, because she was so hyper.

16

Dr. Arnold Scanlon of the CDC has a tough-guy message for the flu virus. This may be my favorite segment of the year. (video)

Dave plays, but loses, tonight's "Origami Challenge." He folds up an amazing froggy, but was supposed to make a crab. No jet ski for Dave.

29

Sylvester Stallone tells about getting started in his career, and surgery on the same day as Arnold Schwarzenegger. (video)

30

All in one segment, Dave sings Elvis's "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You," and we visit with Rupert Jee for "How Long Is Your Foot-Long?" (video)

30

Will Lee has a "Dick Cheney's Dungeon" scream. This is the "Missing UPS Driver" edition. (video)

31

It's the premiere of "Ronaiah Tuiasosopo Mispronunciation Roundup."

31

Al Pacino seems distracted in an extended interview, but seems to enjoy a surprise visit by Kevin Spacey, who does a killer impression of him.

31

The February Nielsen Sweeps is January 31 - February 27.

February

1

It's Dave's 31st anniversary on late night television.

1

Kevin Spacey plugs House of Cards, an entire series that is being produced and released all at once by Netflix. Kevin does his awesome Johnny Carson impression, and he reprises his Al Pacino impression from last night's episode. (video)

3

Dave and Andrew Luck team up for a 20-second Late Show ad in Super Bowl XLVII, taped on the roof of the Ed Sullivan Theater. (video)

4

Today's the beginning of a well-received Elvis Tribute Artist Week, with Cody Ray Slaughter, Brandon Bennett, Justin Shandor, Shawn Klush and Ben Portsmouth. The Late Show goes on to win the week in ratings.

4

Dave and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie have an outstanding 22-minute interview about fat jokes, Hurricane Sandy relief and the governor's political future. (video)

4

A retrospective of Super Bowl XLVII commercials picks up on the themes hot chick and dumb guy.

5

I have to include fellow Kansas State Wildcat, Eric Stonestreet, in my year-end review. (video)

6

The Rexel® cue card shredder is a new on-stage feature. The evidence for poorly-received monologue jokes will be obliterated in about five seconds.

11

It's the annual Top Ten and cover reveal with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. (video) Kate Upton has the cover for 2013. (In the set-up for the TTL, Dave gives us a bonus: "I do, and do and do for you kids, and this is the thanks I get?") My favorite model is the adorable Nina Agdal from Denmark.

11

Dave's last two or three interviews with Bill O'Reilly have gone much better, now that the two cranky old guys have decided to play nice and have a good discussion. (video)

12

Dave was feelin' it tonight, with "Late Show Message to the Best in Show Winner" (video) and "Who's a Bad Pope?" (video). I love everything Alan Kalter does. His Top Ten ad for Sink Plugs® for Valentine's Day becomes an instant classic. (video)

13

Alan pitches another Top Ten list sponsor: Urine Soaked Carpet Barn®, making fun of the Carnival Cruise ship stranded in the Caribbean. (video)

Will Lee has a "Dick Cheney's Dungeon" scream. This is the "Asteroid" edition. (video) Today a 150-mile-wide asteroid was supposed to hit our fine planet.

15

Dave interrupts the Weekend Late Show promo to fire Bruce and Linda. (video) We saw this coming, after Dave suddenly turned on the show after the January 4 promo, announcing his full confidence that Bruce has a criminal record. Fans had been divided on the segment. Those who find it annoying should remember that it's a very good spoof of overly-perky morning talk shows. The only thing I won't miss is the increasingly-gaudy flower arrangements, but again, I know they were part of the spoof. I hope Wink Wilson lands on his feet. No fan I know of knows who played Bruce and Linda. The WLS has its own Facebook fan group.

18

It's the first of a long series of "Backstage Photo Club" staff trading cards. Tonight: TV's David Letterman. Collect 'em all. You don't have to buy gum or cereal, or anything other than an HDTV.

19

That's not Jesus. That's Dan Fogelberg.

Not Jesus

20

"Small Town News" includes "Coke smuggler nabbed in SUV with 'SMUGLER' plate," and " 'Ninja' donkey eludes the law."

20

Where better to go to investigate the current concern about the use of horse meat in local eateries than Hello Deli? Rupert will give us the facts... just the facts. (video)

21

"Stupid Human Tricks" includes jumping rope while bouncing a ball with the head, drinking a bottle of water in one second, and a cotton candy toupee. (video of our friend Chris Clark)

Dave calls the Vatican about the Papal Conclave. Security boss Bill DeLace takes the call. It's like the Late Night days, because we get to see two do-overs. (video) God does a cameo in a spoof preview of The History Channel's The Bible.

13

A Dave biographical comic book about Dave goes on sale today. comicbook.com

14

"Gaucho Pope" rides up and down Broadway on a horse. Also, it's the first full credits since 7/08/12.

15

Newly fired from the Weekend Late Show, Bruce and Linda do their first promo for Showbiz Weekend.

18

Dave has an awesome desk chat about Sully's animal exterminations, and the latest: a groundhog.

18

Selena Gomez has an all-too-short segment. She cracks up Dave with a line about her ex, Justin what's-his-name. (video)

19

Dave: "The pope is urging compassion for those less fortunate: of course, the poor, the indigent... compassion for them, the oppressed... urging compassion for them. Also, Carnival Cruise passengers."

Regis and Dave have their usual action-packed visit, and the cast of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella perform a number from the play. It's at the Broadway Theatre, 1681 Broadway at 53rd Street.

3

"I got a call from my mom today. She says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the Tonight Show again.' " – David Letterman

3

In his desk chat, Dave discusses NBC's announcement today that Jimmy Fallon will replace Jay Leno on Tonight in Feb. 2014. Dave congratulates Jay on a job well done, and wonders how many times a guy can be pushed out of a job. What's the matter with NBC? What are they thinking? Paul says Jay's been nothing but consistent, has done a solid job and brings in huge ratings. What's the reward for that? Adios. Dave continues, "As with everything in life, all I really care about is, 'How will this affect me?' That's all I really care about." Dave asks, "And Paul, is there any way NBC can push me out of this job?" It's going to be Dave and Paul, and two guys named Jimmy. Paul chimes in with, "Jimmy, Jimmy, Dave, and I don't care." Dave concludes with, "Good luck to Jay. I know he'll be out on the road, gettin' it done and takin' care of business, and congratulations on a nice, long run there at the Tonight Show... if, in fact, you're not comin' back." Then we get the Top Ten Things We'll Miss About Jay Leno. (video)

4

Kathy Mavrikakis gives newly-appointed Late Show host Todd Seda a tour of the theater. CBS wanted someone younger and more likable. (video)

Lindsay Lohan has a much-publicized appearance to plug Scary Movie 5, not long before she heads to lock-up rehab. Dave asks Lindsay some pretty direct questions about her antics, and has to give her a Kleenex® before it's over. Later in the day Lindsay tweets, "Had a wonderful time at the @Late_Show. It was great fun! #iHeartDave."

9

You need this in your collection. It's Dave with "I wouldn't give your troubles to a monkey on a rock. (.mp3)

10

Harrison Ford is one of my favorite guests, and he has another awesome joke:

"So there were these two cannibals from different villages, and they met on a path one day. And one cannibal says to the other, 'Hey, how're you doin'? I haven't seen you in a while.' He says, 'Oh, I'm OK, but I... I...' " (rubs his tummy) "He said, 'What's the matter?' He says, 'I... I... my stomach. I haven't been feelin' so good lately.' He says, 'Well, what have you been eatin'?' He said, 'Oh, you know... the usual... um, missionaries, mostly.' He said, 'Well, wait a second. Well, how... how are you... how do you prepare... how do you cook 'em?' He says, 'Well, you know... the regular way. We get a big pot of water in the middle of the village... big fire underneath... a couple bay leaves. We get it boilin', and we thrown 'em in. Maybe an hour, hour-and-a-half, and, uh...' He says, 'Wait a second.' He says, 'Uhh, what do they look like?' He said, 'Well, you know. That little fringe of hair, and they've got those brown, uh, robes, and the sandals.' " (smiling) "He says, 'You're cookin' 'em wrong!' He said, 'What do you mean, we're cookin' 'em wrong?' He said, 'Them are friars.' " (video)

22

It's the premiere of the much-maligned "Stooge of the Night." The stooges are Senators who have displeased Dave in some way.

24

Dave visits with A. J. Clemente, the new college graduate who was fired after his first time anchoring a newscast in Bismarck, N.D. It apparently had something to do with uttering the Mother of All Cuss Words as his very first word as a news anchor.

Paris Hilton has a fun visit with Dave. She passes the blindfold test on her fragrance, Just Me™, as well as Windex®. (video)

3

Oh, here we go! It's David Letterman's favorite day tomorrow, as he gets to hear Kentucky Derby track announcer Dave Johnson do his two minutes of play-by-play, belting out "and down the stretch they come!" (.mp3)

6

Dave has a brief cameo in a piece from today's Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy's guest, Steve Martin, has all kinds of detours enroute from the make-up room to the guest chair. (video)

7

Who can spice up Sweeps Month better than TV's Gerard Mulligan? Tonight he's Columbia University professor of metallurgy Dr. Stuart Brinworth, with us to review Iron Man 3. DeLace's security guys drag Gerard offstage, and he still won't end his rant about misunderstood metals. (video)

7

Zooey Deschanel is a charming and engaging guest, and extensively easy on the eyes. (video)

9

It's a safe bet that Jungle Jack Hanna will show up in a Sweeps month. (video)

10

In his Mother's Day gift to the world, Dave favors us with a Julia Child impression, rivaling Dan Aykroyd's version on Saturday Night Live. (video)

13

It's the long-awaited premiere of "Ask a Cicada," with Gerard Mulligan and Dave in Q & A, and stand-up comedy added in. (video)

My DaveCon friends and I got to appear in an official CelebriGum photo after today's taping. Thanks for the memories, Steve Young. (photo)

3

Dave gave an on-air shout out to my friend Bill Lehecka during the DaveCon 2013 taping, and here's mine. While we were in the lobby, waiting to enter the theater, I was standing by Bill and said something like, "I'd like to ask Dave a preshow question, but if I ever do it, I'd want it to be great." Bill announced to me that he was going to claim he was starting a blog, and ask Dave for ideas. Bill, with perfect timing, got his hand in the air and was called on. Dave made fun of him a little during the warm-up, then started his monologue with air time for Bill's dilemma. Very nice work! (YouTube)

3

One other thing about this show: I've had the chance to photograph Kathleen Ankers' award-winning Late Show set up close, but I didn't know until Frank Turner's musical segment that at least part of the set is on wheels. Stagehands just unplugged the lights and moved some of the sections in order to make way for the band.

3

It's just me. Dave doesn't mind if civilians sit at his desk, but his swivel chair is locked up immediately after the taping, because he doesn't like anyone changing the adjustments. I was on a folding chair. The guest chairs are very comfy! You'll see backstage junk if you enlarge the picture. Part of the skyline backdrop had been wheeled aside to make room for the musical group at the end of the show. The desk is a one-of-a-kind prop, and is unfinished on the back side. Check out my 2010 Trip Report if you'd like to see photos of the award-winning set.

Click to enlarge at your own risk.

4

Before DaveCon yesterday, I was whining to my friends that we hadn't seen writer Joe Grossman in way too long. Yes! Joe showed up in yesterday's episode with a collection of "Chris Christie Is So Not Fat" jokes. I mention this here because I was eating in Hello Deli today, just before leaving for LaGuardia to return to Kansas. In walks director Jerry Foley, so I got to thank him for Joe's awesome segment, and his excellent work over the years. During that same Hello Deli lunch, I was on red alert for Paul Shaffer. I had his book, We'll Be Here for the Rest of Our Lives, in my suitcase beside me, with the title page bookmarked, just in case. Yes! A driver dropped Paul off about 10 feet from me, and he very kindly autographed my copy of his 2009 book.

5

Paul Shaffer shows up in a crazy, black & white striped suit. Dave smarts off to Paul, "Are you out on time for good behavior?" The CBS Orchestra fires up "Jailhouse Rock."

10

Write this down. Today's episode marks the first mention of the NSA. There will be plenty more to come.

10

After a three-day weekend, we notice that the glass-free windows behind Dave's command module are missing. As of late 2013, this seems to be permanent.

10

For the first time while Alan Kalter transitions out of Act 1, he does a product plug... this time for Ford, and tomorrow's will be for Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy®.

12

"Father's Day Cards": "Dad, Just Because You Host a Late Night Talk Show Doesn't Mean I Think You're Cool."

12

Darlene Love sits down with Dave for an interview for the first time. The occasion was a documentary about Darlene, 20 Feet from Stardom. Read Tad Friend's feature on Darlene, "Unsung," in the July 2013 New Yorker. Finally, see video of Darlene singing "Lean on Me" on the Late Show site.

13

I always enjoy the calls from Jeff Altman, as whatever intoxicated character he's playing. It was a good one tonight. You can read it in the episode logs, or watch the video.

17

Bill O'Reilly's on to plug his latest book, Kennedy's Last Days. Dave has a new book, too: Leno's Last Days.

19

Superman: Man of Steel opened this month, but something is wrong. Where are Superman's red underpants? Mitch Skelnick, president of The Association of External Red Underpants Manufacturers™, addresses this troubling matter.

Tonight marks the first of several split-screen visits with CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones, tonight on the birth of the British royal baby. Come on, Graham, enunciate! (video) We'll learn in September that Graham is played by James A. Stephens.

24

Today marks the first mention of NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden, who has done some globetrotting this year while avoiding the United States government.

26

It's the first Broadway Hose Cam® since 7/24/12. The Stanley Cup will be in on the dampening.

Bruce Willis returns to the Late Show on a citibike™. He shamelessly hawks a miracle pharmaceutical, Celebruce®. The pills make you look more like Bruce. They make you kinder, and they even make you like Dave more!! Watch out for the side effects of tingling, forgetfulness and tragic, total hair loss. Here's an Instagram with Jerry Foley.

16

Summer wouldn't be complete without an installment of "Dock Diving Dogs." Taz, a black Labrador retriever from Ontario, wins with a jump of 30' 6"!

Congrats to the Late Show's Jerry Foley on his Emmy nomination today for Outstanding Directing for a Variety Series. (link) Jerry's nominated for Episode 3749, the show with no audience on October 29, 2012, the day Hurricane Sandy hit NYC. The Emmys aired on CBS on Sunday, September 22 at 8:00 ET.

The British royal baby was born yesterday. Dave had his money in the office pool on the baby's name as Plaxico. The royal birth results in the first split-screen interview with CBS Chief Foreign Correspondent Graham Fenwick-Jones. (video) As time goes on, we'll learn that Graham is actually soap actor James A. Stephens.

24

Dave will be working over that naughty Anthony Weiner in a major way this summer, during his race for mayor of New York City. (He'll end up with about 5% of the votes.) The CBS Orchestra has just released a theme song for the wannabe mayor, who we've learned goes by Carlos Danger in his sext messages. (video)

24

Todd Seda amuses us with another appearance as NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden.

25

Regis Philbin is back for Dave to pick on again. He knows Dave will give him the business, but he keeps coming back for another round. (video)

29

Dave takes on Time Warner Cable's dumping of CBS in major cities to try to weasel more money out of the network. Oops. He's not overjoyed with CBS running an ad that itemizes all the CBS programs we'll be missing, but the Late Show wasn't mentioned!

29

"Small Town News": The Madison County Record, Hunstville, Arkansas: SHERIFF'S OFFICE: "A caller at Edgewood Place reported that there were two dogs in her yard "stuck together."

30

Amanda Seyfried is on to plug Lovelace. She's brought material, too... her dog, @Finn Seyfried, who does a Stupid Pet Trick by ignoring a cheeseburger placed on his head. (video) Ted Koppel did a similar trick with a dog biscuit on his nose, back on 2/23/87. Amanda is an awesome guest, and one of the best-looking humans ever. (So why am I posting a picture of her dog?) That's a good question. As proprietor of this site, I've decided to include a photo of Amanda.

31

We end July with another fun visit with Edward Snowden (OK... Todd Seda) in the Moscow Airport.

August

1

Oprah Winfrey visits with Dave for 27+ minutes. The two legendary broadcasters discuss Oprah's new film, Lee Daniels' The Butler, along with Oprah's school for girls in Africa, and they compare notes on meditation. (video)

1

Dave: "Here's an idea about how quickly time goes by. You know what happened while you were comin'? Lindsay Lohan got out of rehab. She's been in rehab for three... at least three months, ladies and gentlemen. And she wants to move to New York City. What... could... possibly... go... wrong? What could...? Gentlemen, start your blenders! Here we go! Authorities are advising citizens to stay indoors. Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab... this was her sixth visit. You know what that means? The next one's free!"

August started with a bang because of Oprah, but there were no new episodes between August 1 and 19.

Desk Chat: Dave has quite a rant about Time Warner Cable. They want money from CBS, who aren't budging, so in NYC and L.A., they're refusing to carry their programming. Dave has determined that they are "goons." He says, "I wish I knew more about them, so I could say more unpleasant things about them." He says, "Because if you don't put CBS back on your cable, night after night after night, I will say nasty, awful things about you that no one will see. So there!"

19

John Mayer does a "Live on Letterman" concert.

20

Jim Keyes, CEO of Time Warner (and 7-Eleven®, Exxon Mobil, Shell Oil and Carnival Cruises, as well as Director of Mayan Public Relations, which you know if you're a regular Late Show viewer) is back for another onstage visit about whatever company he's running this week.

20

John Legend does a "Live on Letterman" concert.

21

Todd Seda's back as whistleblower Edward Snowden, still holed up in the Moscow Airport. Edward's a bit of a handful, if you ask me, but he sure can blow a whistle!

22

Dave shows Hosecam: The Home Game™. It's the most fun you can have with water and electricity. Dave opens the box to shows us what we get: a hose, a roll of duct tape, a handheld microphone and a cheapie speaker. There seems to be a nozzle included, and there's a black box of some sort. All this for just $89.95! According to my records, the Hose Cam® premiered under another name back in '94, so this was a long time coming.

Today's desk chat is about a minor car accident. He got distracted by an apple he'd dropped. (video)

27

Just when we thought we had our lives straightened out, Bruce and Linda re-emerge, covering the VMAs (and Miley Cyrus). Let us all take a moment for prayer that "I wish they would have let us inside" might be Bruce's last words on the Late Show. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus.

28

Army Staff Sergeant Ty Michael Carter, Medal of Honor recipient, visits with Dave for 23 minutes about his experiences in Afghanistan, his heroic actions in a 12-hour-long battle that resulted in the Medal of Honor, and post-traumatic stress. (video)

Bill Murray makes tonight's 20th anniversary on CBS unforgettable. He takes a pick axe to the set, in search of a memento hidden in 1993. Fortunately, when the pick axe doesn't work, he finds a jackhammer. Then Bill blows the roof off the dump, covering Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You." (video)

Hey, I'm not slacking. This is the first of nine days off for our Late Show pals.

23

Serena Williams was by on August 22, and Dave smarted off about the Ritz Hotel in Paris. Today he reads a letter from their management, and models a monogrammed robe they sent him. (video)

Dear Monsieur Letterman,

With great disappointment, we witnessed on your show on August 22nd that you did not have the best of stays at the Ritz Paris. However, we are still big fans of your show, and will continue to watch with enthusiasm. (Dave: "This show is not seen in France.") We hope that you will accept our sincere apologies, and this monogrammed bathrobe until our grand re-opening... (Dave: "Oh, see, this is the problem. Their grand re-opening in 2014. Apparently I stayed there when it was closed. Common mistake.") With best wishes from Place Vendôme,

Christian Boyens and the Ritz Team.

24

Cher is on to plug her new album, Closer to the Truth. She descends from the rafters on some sort of swing the stagehands built for her. Whether you're a big fan or not, you have to agree that this is an exceptional interview. You don't know exactly what she'll say, but she'll give you honest, no-holds-barred opinions. For example, when Dave asked her about departed musicians she knew, Cher tells about some, then says, "I don't know, but sometimes the best thing you can do for your career is die." Dave and Cher have a great discussion about the Rolling Stones and The Beatles. Cher loves Brian Wilson, who lived down the street. She says, "He was a lovely man, not meant to navigate this particular universe." She will be the only guest on tonight's show, and will sing, as well.

Tonight marks the first airing of a clip of a foreign man pounding on a metal pie pan with a funny-looking hammer. It'll be fun to see how much staying power it has. Before long we'll have musical accompaniment. (video)

17

It's more of the foreign man pounding on a metal pie pan with a funny-looking hammer, which premiered last night. The CBS Orchestra play along with him, by way of Ozzie Osbourne's "Mississippi Queen." (video)

18

CEO of CelebriGum, Steve Young, has been writing for Dave for 23 years, and since September 1990, he's been visiting local shops to find items for "Dave's Record Collection." Along the way, he discovered that in the 1950s through the 1970s, corporations had been commissioning musicals to be performed one-time-only at sales conventions. Some were hokey, and some were revelations. He's written an amazing book, Everything's Coming Up Profits, released this month. Hear samples of the musicals at industrialmusicals.com. Tonight... by popular demand... Steve appears on the Late Show to describe his book, and play some samples. (video)

18

CBS flagship station WCBS 2 in New York City runs a promo for tonight's Late Show, including "Hall of Fame quarterback Steve Young." They'll run a correction a few minutes later. (video)

18

Graham Fenwick-Jones has another look at the U. S. government shutdown. (video)

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October 19 through 27 is vacation!

28

It's the foreign man pounding on a metal pie pan again, this time accompanied by "Monster Mash." (video)

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TV's David Letterman performs his latest "Who's a Good Doggie?" (.mp3)

30

It's the foreign man pounding on a metal pie pan again, this time accompanied by a horror movie stinger. (video)

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The November Nielsen Sweeps is October 31 - November 27.

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It's the latest installment of "New Halloween Costumes!" We didn't get any Stangel girls this year. (video)

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Harrison Ford has a joke for us!

"It's Saul's 85th birthday, and a group of his friends get together and decide to do something nice for Saul. So they take him to the Plaza for a beautiful lunch. And they sit down, they had a leisurely lunch, Saul's very grateful, he's very happy. He's in a very good mood. They're walking out and Saul's about to say goodbye, and they say, 'No, no, Saul. It's not over.' He says, 'No? It's not over?' They said, 'No.' They put him in the elevator, and they take him up to a beautiful suite, overlooking the park, and they sit him on the edge of the bed. Saul says, 'What? What? They said, 'Saul, happy birthday,' and they walk out the door. Saul says, 'What? What?' And the door of the bathroom opens, and this beautiful blonde lady comes out in her hotel bathrobe. Saul said, 'What? What?' She says, 'Happy birthday, Saul!' He says, 'Thank you. Thank you.' He says, 'Uh, what you doin' here?' She says, 'Saul, I'm here to give you super sex!' He says, 'I'll have the soup, please.' "

November

4

Yes, Dave's done yet another pre-taped item, a PSA for Obamacare. Whether for it or against it, you must not miss this PSA-gone-wrong. (video)

4

It's the foreign man pounding on a metal pie pan again, this time accompanied by "The Anvil Chorus" from Giuseppe Verdi's opera, Il trovatore, performed by the CBS Orchestra. (video)

4

In the Comedy Gold department, today we're introduced to the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford. He won't be referred to by name until the 7th. There's an avalanche of accusations that he is a crack cocaine aficionado, a womanizer and a sure fire source of inappropriate quotes, including threatening to kill someone. (glamour photo)

Dave has written a book, released today! It's This Land Was Made for You and Me (But Mostly Me): Billionaires in the Wild, with Bruce McCall. The New Yorker has a preview, and The New York Times has this review. (Amazon) Hey! We have video of Bruce's interview with Dave tonight.

5

Our beloved announcer, Alan Kalter, has worked tirelessly to put together an Election Day skit. He wants everyone to get out and vote. Sue Hum has fixed him up with an Uncle Sam costume, and Alan has written a song to the tune of "Yankee Doodle Dandy." Click here to witness the fiasco.

5

Dave's been thinking he should get on the bandwagon and make a video that goes viral. What better way to do that than to fake his death, and prank Kathy Mavrikakis at the same time? Sometimes the best-laid plans don't go well. Let's watch Dave play dead, shall we? (video)

6

America's Sweetheart, Chris Elliott, plugs Eagleheart. He looks really skinny, and claims he ran in the New York Marathon. Anyway, before long Gerard Mulligan shows up unexpectedly, and announces that he's still running in the marathon. Gerard's a wreck on this fourth day of running, and he needs urgent medical attention. Chris does CPR on him. Ewww. (video)

6

The amazing Natalie Portman is on to plug Thor: The Dark World, in this her 16th visit with Dave. Sadly, she's preparing to move to France with her hubby, a ballet expert. (video)

12

It's a crazy episode, with happenings that remind one of Late Night, including Dave wearing a sport coat, and a six-minute segment with Dave stalling for time in hopes that a set of blue cards for an inconsequential segment could be made. He for some reason doesn't want Tony's cue cards. (video)

12

Alan Kalter changes up the intro voice-over that debuted on January 2. For tonight, at least, it's, "Broadcasting from the heart of Broadway, across the nation and around the world, it's America's most-popular and longest-running TV fishing show, the Late Show with David Letterman!"

12

Michael J. Fox plugs his show on NBC. His courageous, 22-year battle with Parkinson's disease should inspire all of us. (video)

13

Alan Kalter's intro is modified for the second night in a row. Tonight it's "From the heart of Broadway, across the nation and around the world, it's the Late Show with David Letterman!"

13

Standing in questioning before a Toronto City Council meeting today, Mayor Rob Ford admitted to having purchased illegal drugs within the past two years. (CBC News) The city council then voted 35-7 to ask the mayor to take a leave of absence. See my episode logs for the Late Show's reports of his indiscretions.

14

Dave delivers an instant-classic desk chat... a 5&frac12-minute rant about "Why I Don't Go Out." In short, Dave and Paul were on Broadway last night to take in Billy Crystal's autobiographical 700 Sundays, in its return for the holidays. Dave ignored Regis until intermission, because he didn't want trouble. He said something to light Regis's fuse during intermission, and got more than he bargained for. Regis went off, Dave claims, and supposedly got himself tossed from the theater at the end of the intermission. (video)

Chris Elliott visited with the Nerdist guys for their podcast. It runs 01:16, and includes an interesting look back at Late Night.

18

Toronto mayor Rob Ford, crack hobbyist, takes off running in a city council meeting, and almost wipes out a woman along the way. Comedians throughout North America appreciate his contributions.

19

Former writers' assistant Mike Leech was appointed to writer today, reports one of the Stangels.

20

Joe Grossman, not seen for almost six months, re-emerged during an investigation of a faulty monologue joke. It was a spoof on Mayor's Ford's crack confession. (video)

20

Jennifer Lawrence has a very funny and entertaining visit, as the premiere of The Hunger Games: What's for Supper? approaches. Dave likes her because she's a fine actress, but not snotty. Jennifer gets 22 minutes, instead of the usual eight. Jennifer's very cold. Pat Farmer finds her a cute pink blankie with flowers. Before long... but not for long... Dave and Jennifer are hidden under the blanket. (my video) (YouTube: 03:11 clip) (Twitter photo) The entertainment media picked up on this interview like crazy, because Jennifer tells about her current tummy troubles, and because of the super-cute photos of Jennifer peeking out from her blankie. She was originally scheduled to appear yesterday, but she wasn't feeling well. (YouTube) (6 seconds on Vine)

I now have all of Jennifer's Late Show appearances in my Video Archives. Visit my guest appearances page, around 11-21-13, for a small sampling of the media coverage of Jennifer's visit, which was promptly repeated on December 5.

21

Sixteen guests from recent weeks appear in a compilation video, each contributing a phrase for Dave's long-time joke about squirrels and nuts. (YouTube)

22

Howard Stern has a 23-minute interview with Dave about Steve Martin and his banjo, the piano teacher who hanged himself to get Howard out of lessons, parents, Leno, dinner encounters with Ron Rickles and network executives. The interview concludes as Howard and Dave dance onstage. (142 MB video)

27

Today marks the five-year anniversary of our introduction to Joe Grossman's monkey, Sherman, sneezing at the Late Show staff's 2008 Thanksgiving feast. (video)

Since every American enjoys music about poultry dismemberment, here's Steve Young's complete "Ballad of the Thanksgiving Turkey." Only part of the song was broadcast during the Thanksgiving meal video referenced above. (complete video)

Josh Groban sings the Top Ten Christmas Songs for 2013. It's some very funny writing. It's on the show's YouTube site.

11

Todd Seda appears once again in this year's episode of "The Lighting of the Late Show Intern." We're not being told he's OK. (video)

13

Regis Philbin has a story so long that Dave eventually walks off the set. Regis talks some more, then throws to commercials. After the break, Dave's back at his post, and Regis talks even more. John Witherspoon plugs First Family, and presents Dave with some pretty awesome red Christmas shoes.

15

Writer Steve Young wrote "19th Century Christmas" a year ago. It landed on YouTube today. You think we have problems with MRSA? Give this a listen. Then we'll talk.

16

Heisman winner Jameis Winston of Florida State does a fine job of presenting the Top Ten Unusual Things to Hear in a Huddle.

16

Will Ferrell and eight members of the "Vienna Boys' Choir" sing "Christmas Time Is Here," a Charlie Brown movie favorite from the 1960s.

18

Shannon Eis is in with new holiday toys. Dave rearranges a stack of phony presents with a Razor® Dirt Quad. (YouTube) Moments later, he attacks a Christmas tree that was minding its own business as he flies across the stage on a Backyard Zipline. (Twitter picture)

20

Today Late Show fan Alan Page unveiled a gallery on Facebook of the "Backstage Photo Club" trading cards that we began seeing this year on February 18. (link) It's a very nicely-done and fun way to get better acquainted with the staff.

20

Tennis legend John McEnroe kindly stands in for the injured Jay Thomas, telling his Lone Ranger story. (video) He then attacks the giant meatball and pizza atop the Christmas tree with tennis ball serves and, eventually, the racket.

20

We got a short sample during the staff Christmas party video. Here's Steve Young's latest holiday ballad, "Unsanitary Manger."

20

For the 20th time, Darlene Love sings "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)." Speaking for myself, and I think many other fans, it's what I look forward to most on the show every year. (YouTube)

20

This is the last new show for 2013. The next new episode will air on January 6.

Red Horizon is available from CD Baby. A collaboration of Tad Lathrop and the world's #1 Letterman fan, Don Giller, Red Horizon was many years in the making. You can preview some of the tracks on CD Baby. Look at the reviews on Amazon, where it's also available.