A Lie. And Buffing My Face.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Scene 1, Take 2
Okay, I’m wondering if any of you caught the mistake I made in my previous post and were just being polite by not mentioning it because it was my birthday, but were thinking, “Poor man.…I don’t have the heart to tell him he can’t subtract.”

Tuesday night my brother Tom called to wish me a Happy Birthday, when I heard my mother’s voice in background, “Happy Birthday, Ronnie! How old are you now, 57?”

I told my brother to tell my mother, “No, I’m 58 today.”

And then no sooner did I say that, something made me stop dead in my tracks. It was like a light bulb clicked on in my head.

Bewilderedly I said to my brother, “Um…Tom, I’m 58, right?”

Tom immediately started calculating the year I was born (1955) by subtracting it from 2012 in his head.

After we laughed our asses off, I said, “Well, at least I’m a year less than what I thought I was.”

Then I suddenly blurted out, “HOLY SHIT…..I TOLD EVERYONE ON MY BLOG THAT I WAS 58 YEARS OLD ON TUESDAY. I LIED!!!!!!!!!”

Well, I didn’t really LIE, I just can’t SUBTRACT.

See, this is another thing that happens when you age. You lose your ability to THINK.

So forgive me everyone.

Scene 2, Take 1

Back in July when I was visiting my family in Florida, a good of friend of my mother’s gave me a small skincare sample of a facial buffing cream from the company, Sisley.

Sisley is one of the most expensive skincare companies on the market, so I could never afford to purchase their products unless I started turning tricks down on the street corner. But I thought I’d try the sample to see if it was as good as they say because people RAVE about it.

*Beforeusing the product. Notice how my face and skin appear. I look like a Gnome.

The instructions were to wash my face before applying the buffing cream.

Next, I applied the buffing cream and waited for it to dry. Then, using circular motions with my fingertips I gently buffed off the cream, removing dead cells and impurities; revealing renewed skin.

Here are the results....

OMG…don’t I look FLAWLESS? It worked like MAGIC! Notice how my skin glows with a delicate, ethereal quality. I resemble Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard, right after she had a team of beauty experts come to her house and give her a complete makeover; preparing for her big comeback to the silver screen.

89 comments

OMG! What a freakin' riot!! This is definitely something I would do...you didn't lie...you just cannot subtract. Neither can I!! Not without a calculator!! We forgive you buddy!! RON!!! I LOVE that facial cream and I especially love all of these fabulous FACE SHOTS!! We really have to meet in person...I would totally recognize you if I passed you on the street!! You are such a HAPPY person!! Happy Friday!! xo Jeanne

I'm furious with you, Ron, you just added another year to the difference between our ages. Now I'm depressed haha. I have a handy calculator for when my memory lets me down, I start with the birth year and work upwards from there (it helps to know which year we're at - and for your information it is 2012) ... then I take a tablet and go for a lie down until I feel better....lol. Anyway, back to you. You do, of course, realise that you are actually in your 58th year whaaaaaaa.

I love your posts, they really give life a lift to anyone who reads them. Have a splendid weekend, oh and Happy Friday.

I like that look that you have after your facial. I turned tricks on the corner once. I did some card tricks and then I made a nickel vanish from my hand to the crack of my ass. The worst part was when I farted I got 5 Pennies in return. As far as being 57, Yeah, we all knew it but we just thought that you had a birthday visit from AL Zimmer.Well my PA Libra Buddy I wish you much happiness and light for your birthday, and may the love that fills all enjoy a home in your heart.

PS I have to look at my driver's license to find out how old I am.DAVE

At least you discovered that you are younger. Wait until someone asks you your age and you say "48", then you get the sudden realization that you are actually 58! That happened to me......more than once, and I really believed it at the time!

"This is definitely something I would do...you didn't lie...you just cannot subtract. Neither can I!! Not without a calculator!!"

Isn't that something???? When I finally realized I was 57 and not 58...I was both happy, but also flabbergasted that I miscalculated - DUH! This is the second time I totally forgot how old I was. I also did it back when I turned 49, but thought I was 50!

"We really have to meet in person...I would totally recognize you if I passed you on the street!!"

Yes, one of these days we WILL meet, I just know it and look forward to that day!

"I can seldom remember correctly how old I am.When someone asks me I go blank for a bit and give an average !"

I am so glad to hear I'm not the ONLY one who does this. I swear to god, for the past 10 years I actually have to think HARD, to remember how old I am. When I was a kid, I always heard my parents say that when they got to certain age, they started to forget how old they were and I couldn't understand that. NOW I know - HA!

"If I ask my wife, she asks me to guess first - I always say a number way higher so she corrects me immediately. ;-)"

Hahahahahahahhaha! Good going, buddy!

"How did you make your nose go big grandma ?"

I edited each photo over at PicMonkey using something they call, 'Monster Morph.' It's part of their Halloween photo edited software. The Norma Desmond photos, I used their 'cosmetic altering' software to add the makeup.

"I checked out where I could find Sisley in Canada - turns out they have set up shop at Holt Renfrew in Downtown Toronto... eep !

That's were you find shirts price tagged at $1500 a piece !"

Yes, Sisley is only sold at 'higher-end' department stores, so I'm not surprised to hear that. Here in the States, we have it at Neiman Marcus, Nordstroms, Saks, and places like, Bergdorf Goodman in NYC.

Always great to read your comments, Jaffer. Thanks so much for stopping by. Have a super weekend!

Ron, once again I'm sitting here at my desk and laughing so hard that people in the office are asking me what is so funny! I hope you don't mind, but I let a few of my coworkers view your photos. That last one is hilarious! You are such a riot!

I honestly didn't notice the calculation mistake when I read your post on Monday. So what does that tell you? I can't subtract either!

...ha,ha,ha...THAT is so something I would do! I can't do math to save my soul so I've already decided I'm gonna be 50 until I turn 60 and so on and so forth. I mean really, once you get to a certain age, all the years in between are just chicken sh*t. ;o)

...And seriously, you look just like Norma in that last shot! Really. And I think you should send in this post to Sisley, I believe you have a future role in their company as a spokesperson. I think they'll snatch you up in a heartbeat! :o)

...As always, you never fail to make me smile Ron. Thank you for that!

*chuckling* How could ya NOT love those photos?! It's the soap on the nose that did it for me.And wow what a difference.At that price for a jar, darn straight there better be a difference!Definitely 'buff' looking! ;-)

As for the cap announcing the graduation date--seriously thought it was a typo in one of the places, most likely on the cap.I mean, how many times can you proclaim 58 and not have it right! (g'head and count and get back to me....LOL)One time '55'.........I was blaming the hat!Couldn't be YOU, of course....

It's nice to know you're less older than me than ya were two days ago!Whoa......maybe it's that buff stuff!Clears out the dead cells on your face AND in your brain?

Um, liar liar pants on fire?? That is hilarious! I never can remember my age, but for some reason, it becomes crystal clear on the actual birth day. Damn! Of course, I wouldn't want to ever think I'm a year older! Congrats on being a year younger! xO

Hey Ron, I always get a year added to my age before my birthday comes around too, it's like Happy New Year and I add a year because that's how old I am going to be, then June and my birthday gets here so I add another Ha Ha

What an impressive buffing cream Ron, Cindy says something like that should do some good for me, smooth skin will make my boa and cowboy hat go together a bit better :)

ROFLOL! Ron, good thing I already went to the bathroom, or I’d have wet my pants reading THIS post!

I didn’t catch your addition error in your birthday post. So, either I can’t add in my head (which I can’t) or I’m too old too think (which I am at 47! 10 years younger than you! Easy to remember now that you have your correct age! lol!).

Your face is shiningly brilliant my dahling DeMille! The calls for photo shoots should be pouring in any day! hee hee!

Send me some of that cream and we can go on photo shoots together…well, it would take more than cream to fix my face! But a gal can dream, right!

Thanks for the laughs!

Have a fantabulous rest of the weekend! The trees are starting to look so pretty here in Pittsburgh, are they changing out your way?

"So, either I can’t add in my head (which I can’t) or I’m too old too think (which I am at 47! 10 years younger than you!"

OMG 47????? You're still a CHILD!!!!!!

"Your face is shiningly brilliant my dahling DeMille! The calls for photo shoots should be pouring in any day! hee hee!"

Oh, thank you! It's called PHOTOSHOP - HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

And yes, I already received several phone calls and emails asking me to pose for Mad Magazine - Bwhahahahahahaha!

"Send me some of that cream and we can go on photo shoots together…well, it would take more than cream to fix my face! But a gal can dream, right!"

Actually, this stuff is pretty good. I DID notice a difference in my skin, but I think someone would have to use it on a regular basis to see AMAZING results, but it's waaaaaaaay too expensive for me. The woman I got this from is pretty wealthy, so for her, it's no big deal.

"LOVE Sunset Blvd! LOVE Bill Holden and Gloria couldn't have been more scary wonderful as ND."

Isn't Sunset Boulevard the BOMB? Bill Holden was so handsome in that film. And Gloria? She was faaaaaaaaaabulous as Norma. Scary indeed! I have the DVD which includes all the behind the scenes making of the movie: utterly fascinating! That's a movie which still has the same effect it had back in the 50's. A classic!

Hahaha! You look like one of the seven dwarves and the skin stuff freakin' made you famous (and normal-sized!). Truly AMAZING!!!! LOL! My husband tried to skip his 36th year. I had to, um, gently remind him. We laughed and laughed too. So damn funny. I can't believe you tried to pull one over on us. :-)

I laughed when I read about the birthday/age thing because ... yup... I did that last year! December 1... I was 47 years old. ALL DAY. I told people when they asked. Yes, I was 47. And then I did the math... sound familiar? And realized I was 46. It felt AMAZING to gain a year... holy cow... a YEAR! And I thought I was the only one so old he/she forgets his/her age!!!

" December 1... I was 47 years old. ALL DAY. I told people when they asked. Yes, I was 47. And then I did the math... sound familiar? And realized I was 46. It felt AMAZING to gain a year... holy cow... a YEAR!"

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I am soooooo glad to hear I'm not the ONLY one who did this! And yahoo to YOU for being a year YOUNGER!!!

Thanks so much for stopping by, my friend! Always a delight to see ya! Hope you had a super weekend!

...ha,ha,ha...THAT is so something I would do! I can't do math to save my soul so I've already decided I'm gonna be 50 until I turn 60 and so on and so forth. I mean really, once you get to a certain age, all the years in between are just chicken sh*t. ;o)

...And seriously, you look just like Norma in that last shot! Really. And I think you should send in this post to Sisley, I believe you have a future role in their company as a spokesperson. I think they'll snatch you up in a heartbeat! :o)

...As always, you never fail to make me smile Ron. Thank you for that!

Ron, once again I'm sitting here at my desk and laughing so hard that people in the office are asking me what is so funny! I hope you don't mind, but I let a few of my coworkers view your photos. That last one is hilarious! You are such a riot!

I honestly didn't notice the calculation mistake when I read your post on Monday. So what does that tell you? I can't subtract either!

At least you discovered that you are younger. Wait until someone asks you your age and you say "48", then you get the sudden realization that you are actually 58! That happened to me......more than once, and I really believed it at the time!

"I can seldom remember correctly how old I am.When someone asks me I go blank for a bit and give an average !"

I am so glad to hear I'm not the ONLY one who does this. I swear to god, for the past 10 years I actually have to think HARD, to remember how old I am. When I was a kid, I always heard my parents say that when they got to certain age, they started to forget how old they were and I couldn't understand that. NOW I know - HA!

"If I ask my wife, she asks me to guess first - I always say a number way higher so she corrects me immediately. ;-)"

Hahahahahahahhaha! Good going, buddy!

"How did you make your nose go big grandma ?"

I edited each photo over at PicMonkey using something they call, 'Monster Morph.' It's part of their Halloween photo edited software. The Norma Desmond photos, I used their 'cosmetic altering' software to add the makeup.

"I checked out where I could find Sisley in Canada - turns out they have set up shop at Holt Renfrew in Downtown Toronto... eep !

That's were you find shirts price tagged at $1500 a piece !"

Yes, Sisley is only sold at 'higher-end' department stores, so I'm not surprised to hear that. Here in the States, we have it at Neiman Marcus, Nordstroms, Saks, and places like, Bergdorf Goodman in NYC.

Always great to read your comments, Jaffer. Thanks so much for stopping by. Have a super weekend!

I like that look that you have after your facial. I turned tricks on the corner once. I did some card tricks and then I made a nickel vanish from my hand to the crack of my ass. The worst part was when I farted I got 5 Pennies in return. As far as being 57, Yeah, we all knew it but we just thought that you had a birthday visit from AL Zimmer.Well my PA Libra Buddy I wish you much happiness and light for your birthday, and may the love that fills all enjoy a home in your heart.

PS I have to look at my driver's license to find out how old I am.DAVE

I'm furious with you, Ron, you just added another year to the difference between our ages. Now I'm depressed haha. I have a handy calculator for when my memory lets me down, I start with the birth year and work upwards from there (it helps to know which year we're at - and for your information it is 2012) ... then I take a tablet and go for a lie down until I feel better....lol. Anyway, back to you. You do, of course, realise that you are actually in your 58th year whaaaaaaa.

I love your posts, they really give life a lift to anyone who reads them. Have a splendid weekend, oh and Happy Friday.

OMG! What a freakin' riot!! This is definitely something I would do...you didn't lie...you just cannot subtract. Neither can I!! Not without a calculator!! We forgive you buddy!! RON!!! I LOVE that facial cream and I especially love all of these fabulous FACE SHOTS!! We really have to meet in person...I would totally recognize you if I passed you on the street!! You are such a HAPPY person!! Happy Friday!! xo Jeanne

"This is definitely something I would do...you didn't lie...you just cannot subtract. Neither can I!! Not without a calculator!!"

Isn't that something???? When I finally realized I was 57 and not 58...I was both happy, but also flabbergasted that I miscalculated - DUH! This is the second time I totally forgot how old I was. I also did it back when I turned 49, but thought I was 50!

"We really have to meet in person...I would totally recognize you if I passed you on the street!!"

Yes, one of these days we WILL meet, I just know it and look forward to that day!