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My Cherokee Irishman Has Gone Home

wolfen

Posts: 1324
Joined: Apr 2009

May 06, 2013 - 4:52 am

All My Friends,

With the help of the wonderful Hospice group, my Ron was transported to our home Saturday at 2:30 PM. Robert & I rode with him. It was expected that he would expire shortly afterward. However, he managed to hang on until 9:10 AM Sunday. There was no struggle, only my own. He woke as the vent was removed, opened his eyes & said "I am alive". But it was not to be. He returned to sleep immediately and was kept comfortable until his tired body said it was time to go. I believe he knew that we had brought him home. We played his favorite John Wayne movies, held his hands tightly, & talked to him all night. JBG woke & came into the room & cried saying "Please God, why don't you take him home." Ten minutes later he took his final breath. As I am not a person of strong faith as she is, it is very hard to wrap my mind around this, but she & Ron had a special bond, so who am I to question what happened?

I am numb. I know many of you have been here before and in time, we will get through this. I removed every nasty reminder of this terrible illness from my sight. I could not stand to look at all the meds & equipment. I'm hoping they'll get it out of my house tomorrow.

Even though I thought I knew this man so well, I did not realize he had had been saving small amounts of money to help us after he was gone, enough to put a down payment on his funeral. I found it with a small card I had purchased in the hospital gift shop & given to him him after he became so ill six months ago. I would like to share with you the words on this card: I love you as you are. I love you as you will be. I love you because there's this little part of me(my heart)...that tells me that you and I were simply and always meant to be.

I cried when I found this card, for you see, that is what each of us felt for the other. I am proud to have been his wife for forty one years and he will always be in my heart.

Big hugs to you and JBG! I've always love your solf, calm strength on here. I only wish we were able to be there in person for you to give that back and hepl hold you up, even though I know you loved ones will. Bless you wolfen for every kind word and gesture you have shared.

I'm sorry for your loss and hoping that the wonderful memories you shared through the years will sustain you through these rough times ahead. You were a good wife and that was wonderful that he put it so beautifully into words for you.

I read your post this morning and sat in front of my screen and cried. I'm not much of a crier and I was crying for someone I never even met. Now some of it was "there but the grace of god go I", but most of it was damn it, he tried and worked so hard to stay with you and his family that it just doesn't seem fair somehow. My God how I hate this disease.

I'm glad he was home with his family, and that you had a moment where he was awake. And yes, I do think he knew that you were there, playing his favorite movies and talking to him. It's a big world with so many possibilities, and yet you two found each other. I agree that you were meant to be together.

Keep in mind over the next few weeks that you're never alone--we're all with you and thinking of you.

I am so sorry. Nothing really prepares you for it, but I am amazed at your strength and how well you have handled this situation. Kudos to you and your family for bringing in hospice and bringing Ron home. I had reservations based on my past experiences but it sounds like things went well and I am so thankful that this was the case for your family. I know the next few days will be a blur of activity and then reality will set in. Grief is a roller coaster of emotions. I remember, it just comes in waves. Over time, the peaks aren't so high, the lows aren't so low, but it's painful.

I don't think anybody really understands unless they've been there what it is like to have your husband's medical care and treatment as the focus of your life and then suddenly you don't have that. The loss of your husband is a profound loss compounded by so many smaller losses - even the change in your focus is a loss. It can be overwhelming. This and dealing with your daughter's illness - I hope you will do whatever you need to feel supported through all of this.

I know this board is supportive of you and I hope you stay right here, but you might also think about support specifically for widows - www.widownet.org was a lifesaver for me after Bill died. People know exactly what you are going through because they are right there with you, and you reach out and help each other through it. Maybe it can work for you as well.

I think about you all the time, and Ron and his valiant efforts even with all the other medical problems. I'm glad you had each other for 41 years. That's amazing. I wish comfort and peace for you and JBG, your son and all your family. The story of the card and money is so sweet and special.

dear karen, i'm so sorry for your loss. no words can ease the pain but i pray your find in peace in knowing that your ron is no longer suffering. u were an excellent caregiver and u should find comfort in that. i pray 4 strength for u and ur family. may u draw strength from each other. i'm glad u were able to get him home where he wanted 2 b. u did everything u could for ron and he knew that. him knowing that made his journey home a little easier.

I'm so sorry to read your post. I know these last several months have been difficult for you and your family , as difficult as your husbands passing is you can or will have comfort that he now at peace and pain free. You are in my thoughts and prayers during the coming days.

I'm so sorry to read your post , while we all feel your sorrow in your post and know the journey you have been on ... May you be comforted in the days , weeks , and months to come knowing that your beloved Ron is at peace and no longer in pain. Blessings and prayers for you and your family.

I'm sorry for your loss, if only we all could be together fors'more time. It's peaceful knowing the pain of this adiesel lenses is over for Ron. I pray he rest in peace and you can get some long deserved rest. Jeff

As I read your last sentence all I could think of was how proud he must have been to be married to you for 41 years, also. I wish we could take some pain and loneliness away. Please know that you have a support system ....~ Ann

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