Furthermore, I had a real, visceral, bone-deep hatred for those earnest free-range, ethically-sourced, dolphin-friendly, hand-knitted, energy-efficient, 100% biodegradable parents who followed said campaign like the mad disciples off Life of Brian.

I got a very vivid mental image of this beardy vegetariany dolphin-friendly hand-knitted sort of guy who looked uncannily like Malcolm off The Modern Parents in Viz lying in bed with an anguished expression, massaging his corrugated forehead with a shaking hand.

That's some big feckin' bait there you've got there, Cap'n Ahab me ol' flip-flop, but I think the only fishies you're gonna catch are blowfish and suckfish, with a few dolphin-friendly tunatards on the end of the line.

The action is urgently needed to prevent pair trawlers mostly French continuing the carnage of porpoises and dolphins – estimated at 2-4,5000 a year - after government trials of so-called "dolphin-friendly" nets had failed to halt the killing.