Tuesday, January 14, 2014

You may have been wondering why I repeat (over and over and over) God's love for you. The answer is simple: If God is the center of your life then your life makes sense. Without God as the center even the most beautiful relationships become warped. Think this is an exaggeration? Read on.

Ever hear a husband or wife say "We'll never get divorced because we don't believe in it?" How about a mother angrily saying "I'm pretending this is my son's face" while pounding out meat for dinner. Or "I cannot possibly have this baby. There isn't enough love in the world." "We used to be in love but we just lost it. Isn't that the way it goes? Better to split up now than have things drag out." "The Christian model of marriage is for the woman to stay in the home. She finds joy in the success of her husband and children." We are so willing to conform our thoughts to our worst nightmares. "We have to keep our children safe!" instead of "Our society needs to teach that rape, shooting children (or anybody) is unacceptable." What are we thinking??

We have downgraded love, the greatest power in the universe, to an emotion, a finite, dwindling resource. We know that we cannot maintain even the most basic human relationships on our own. We question the existence of God and the purpose of our own creation: to be loved by God and to love in return.

Let's take a look at the Catholic view of what a loving relationship looks like. For reasons of convenience I will start with marriage. The most obvious Christian view of marriage is: man plus woman equals children. This is true. It is the most stable building block of society. But when have I ever taken the simplest answer?

We are not created simply to do as we are told. We are created to be in relationship with God. What is your ideal, healthy relationship? It is one of mutual respect, trust, and support. It is a relationship in which one draws life from the other and gives it back again. It honors vulnerability as a gift, not as an excuse to victimize or berate. It is the ultimate "I've got your back" so that you can walk on your journey to heaven together.

Let me tell you a story before you think I'm deluding myself. My mother had some severe mental problems which resulted in various addictions. My father didn't realize the full extent of the damage to the family (mental illness can be hidden and tricky) but when he did, he made moves to protect his children and help his wife. She did get medical help and she was able to give up some of her addictions and attain some stability. They separated (her idea). He was told, over and over, even by me, to divorce his wife. If she had ever asked for a divorce he would have granted it. But she never did. He paid her bills and forgave her for her nastiness. Why? Not because of church doctrine. Not because he believed that he deserved to be abused (though he felt extreme guilt for not catching on earlier). He did it because he knew that she was incapable of caring for herself. She would have ended up on the street and would have died alone, a bitter woman.

One day, a few years ago, my mother called my father asking if they could meet for dinner. (This was unheard of.) My father said that she was always welcome, she need not even ask! Just show up! He was surprised and thrilled. So they met at a restaurant for dinner. My mother was gratified at the love and forgiveness that had always been there. My father was grateful to be able to show his love and respect for her. And then she died. Literally. She had a heart attack right in front of him. She was pronounced dead at the hospital but the restaurant had to fill out "death on premises" paperwork.

It was only at my mom's funeral that I truly began to understand my dad. God is the center of his life. He did not simply accept the situation; he prayed daily for strength and guidance. He knew that if he gave up on his wife that she would give up on herself. As he told me once: "I promised her. I promised to be there for her in sickness. How is this different? Would you want me to treat you that way?"

God's love is fulfilling but it can also be difficult. Jesus died for us. But even He took strength from God. Even Jesus took the time to discern God's will for him.

The Holy Family is often held up as the ideal Christian family. Yet St. Joseph wasn't Jesus' father. This caused great scandal at the time or the Bible wouldn't mention it. Catholic and Orthodox tradition clearly state that Mary and Joseph did not have children of their own. They were chaste. BUT THEY WERE OPEN TO LIFE IN THAT THEY WERE OPEN TO THE LIFE GIVING WILL OF GOD.

I'm not saying that children aren't important. I am not negating the man plus woman equals children equation. But I am saying that having a full relationship with God should shake your foundations a bit. How so? Have you ever objectified yourself or others because you were lonely? Because you wanted to be popular? Or loved? Do you hold back from your beloved because you're afraid of getting hurt? In short, do you believe that love is a limited resource?

Loving fully is hard. It's scary. It is not to be done lightly. It takes constant care and attention. And it's totally worth it.

One of my favorite things to do is to go to adoration of the blessed sacrament. I highly recommend this even if you're not sure of the body and blood of Christ thing. What do you do? Find a church that has adoration. Go into the chapel or church and sit. Just as you are. Sit quietly for a few minutes or a few hours. Even if you're not Catholic. Nobody is going to be looking for a membership card at the door. That's it. But it is truly profound.

God calls us to love by loving us first. He is not asking us to do something which he has not already done. He walks with us during our bad times. We have to make him breakfast, keep a perfect house for him or go to bed with him to 'prove' our love or value. He simply loves us. No matter what.

Prayer for Children

Mary, Mother of God, and Mother of all Christians, you presented your Divine Son in the Temple. Now I present to you the children whom God has graciously given me. By the grace of their Baptism, which incorporated them into Christ, you became their Mother. I entrust them to you, to your guidance and vigilance. Make them healthy in both soul and body. Help them to become useful citizens of their own country, but let them not forget the Kingdom of God. If they go astray, lead them back to your Son so that they may obtain forgiveness and peace. Enable us all to reach eternal happiness with you and your Divine Son in heaven.

Amen.

Rosary and Marian Apparitions - The Singing Nun- Holy Is Your Name (Magnificat)

About this Blog

“In Mary's Footsteps” is a blog about one Roman Catholic mom’s attempt to lead a spiritual life in the midst of the controlled chaos that is raising young children. Roman Catholic women are encouraged to take Mary a model for their own lives but we modern women are not given any direction as to what that means. Face it, Mary never did pray the rosary. She risked her life, the life of her unborn child, and the honor of her family to say “yes” to God. She was forced to travel away from her family to perform the Roman census. She delivered her baby on her own and had to place her newborn in a receptacle animals used to eat from. How different from what any mother wants for herself and her baby! And this is just the beginning. How did she do it? Where did she get the strength not only to persevere but also to raise the Son of God? Modern Catholic women DO have a wonderful example in Mary and in our own Roman Catholic traditions. We just need to claim it.

This blog is a chronicle of my journey through Marian traditions of the Roman Catholic Church. It is my hope that other women may be inspired to contemplate how God is uniquely working in their lives and to discern the person God is calling them to be.

DISCLAIMER

I do not promise to be systematic. I am not a counselor. I do have some theology training and will always try to stay true to Catholic doctrine. In the end it is up to you, the reader, to decide for yourself what works for you in your own life. If you disagree with my interpretations or I accidently get the theology wrong then follow your conscience and disregard what I am saying. My posts are meant to be used as vehicles for thought and meditation not claims on the truth.I do not promise to post regularly. As I said, I am a mother of young children and my family must come first. And since I am the mother of young children I do not promise that I will always make sense or that my grammar will be perfect. I will always try to source my material but may have to default to “some saint said this or that”. The academic in me cringes at that but I am far from my theology library both by distance and time. At least I will not commit the academic heresy of plagiarism. This blog is not intended for academic use, to supersede the teachings of any priest or religious, or as a vehicle of criticism of the church or any person. I know that we moms have to adapt to our particular situations and to allow God to meet us where we are. That is the point of the blog. I do have a bit of a biting sense of humor. I’ll try to be myself while realizing that you might not know when I’m joking or not.

ABOUT ME

I have decided to remain anonymous. It is my feeling that if people know who I am that I would be writing to impress instead of being honest. The world is full of people who want to impress and frankly I’m not as cool as they are so maybe I can beat them in the honesty. I also have two young children (a boy and a baby girl) and I wish to keep them anonymous as well.

I will tell you that I am a native of North America and that I have lived in areas classified as deserts, swamps and rainforests. I have lived in the far North (strong and free!), in the American south and southwest. I have also lived in Europe and speak French. I LOVE Latin but am terrible at it. I will also be incredibly surprised if enough people read this blog to wonder who I am at all.