A Blog About Solving Common Relationship Dilemmas

Ever wonder how some women manage to be part of a successful marriage? Tree are certain things that they know are important in their marriage. Here are seven habits of successful wives have in common.

Successful wives recognize that, even though she has a female best friend, she makes sure that her husband understands that he and their relationship supersedes that friendship.

Let him know that he is a priority. This does not mean that you abandon your women friends, it simply means that you think about him first.

Successful wives flirt with their husband.

Not only will it make him feel good, I will make you feel better as well.

Successful wives are physically affectionate … using lots of hugs, kisses and touches.

Physical touch is very important in a relationship. Even if you were not reared with a lot of touch, stretch yourself.

Successful wives are genuinely positive. They acknowledge their husband’s efforts. Thank him for things that he does for her and for the family, even if she feel like he is not thanking her enough, successful wives will thank their spouse.

Do your best to refrain from keeping score. Find ways to acknowledge … every day what you like and appreciate about your spouse.

Successful wives find activities that they can do together. They might watch a sports game, attend an athletic event or engage in something that he enjoys.

Women appreciate conversation. Men often most appreciate having a playmate or a partner.

Successful wives are kind to their husbands family.

Even though they may not be your favorite folks, they are his family and important to him. Limit your negative comments or complaints about them and, if you need his support on something, do your best to ask it as a positive request.

Successful wives, rather than complaining, find ways to notice when their partner is making efforts and acknowledges them. When a successful wife does need to bring up a complaint, she finds a way to be soft about it and allow him some time to mull it over before expecting a response.

Are there habits of successful wives that you think should be added to this list? Please share your thoughts.

Heather was past the point of being upset with Bruce. He never helped with children or housework, was constantly pressuring her for sex and ignored all of her requests for conversations about their relationship.

When people who are “past the point of being upset” enter counseling, then I know that someone is giving serious consideration about ending a marriage. That was indeed the case with Heather. She was there to talk over her options before leaving Bruce.

Heather agreed to try one more thing before leaving. She agreed to focus only on the positive. All of her nagging, negative comments, complaints and criticisms, she agreed to write down but never say. She would look for and comment on any efforts that Bruce made in the right direction.

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Is my marriage headed in the right direction or is it in trouble?

Answer the questions on this marriage check-up to find out how things are going in your marriage. One person can certainly answer these alone. If you both answer them and then talk about the questions, it will help you get a better understanding of your partner, how each of you think and feel about the relationship.

Sometimes couples can get off-track without even recognizing it. This marriage check-up will give you some ideas for areas to “tweak” or talk over with your partner.

Marriage Check-Up

1. My spouse and I generally know what is happening in each other‘s life.
Yes No

2. We laugh together and are usually in a good mood when we are with each other.
Yes No

3. We find time to touch each other, with love, at several different times during each day.
Yes No

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8. Be affectionate. Signs of physical affection are very important in a marriage. Some say “I was not born up that way. It is not me”. We say … change! The more that you show love and affection to your spouse, the more both of you will feel love and affection.

We are not talking about heavy PDA here … just small ways to reach out and physically touch your spouse in loving ways. Men usually want this every bit as much as women do.

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6. Think of your marriage as a partnership. Sometimes it may seem easier to make decisions on your own.

People sometimes make decisions alone because they know if they include their spouse, there will be a veto.

The repercussions of handling things independently often comes at a greater cost to the relationship. While some couples might agree that one spouse is the leader in a certain area, like parenting, and can make many of the decisions, often it is good to “run things by” a spouse.

Review decisions that you have made on your own. Think about the reasons that you chose to make them alone and assess the cost to your relationship.

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5. Talk to your spouse as if he or she were your very best friend. What kinds of things do you tell your best friend? How do you talk with him or her? Is there a level of intimacy with your friend that is missing with your spouse? Is there a level of respect with your friend that is missing with your spouse?

It is great to have close friendships; however, in healthy marriages, the closest friendship, the confidante, is the spouse.

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4. Think about your spouse as you go about your daily life. Make it a habit to just think about your spouse and what he or she might like as you go about your day. If there are small things that you think of, find a way to make it happen.

We often give or do for others what we want for ourselves. It is better for the relationship when we think about what the other person might want and give them that.

Let your spouse know that you are thinking about him or her today in some small way.

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3. Take good care of yourself … your health and your appearance. Showers, clean clothes, attention paid to your grooming and maintaining a healthy diet show respect for yourself and are also a way to say to your spouse “it is important for me to look good for you.”

Decide one simple thing that you can do for yourself today that will say “my health and my appearance are important to me. Being healthy and showing that I care about my appearance is one way to say ‘I love you‘.” Counseling Relationships Online

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About Us

We are two marriage and family therapists, married to each other and living in Louisville, Kentucky. We provide online as well as in person counseling for personal and relationship problems. Contact us and let us help you with your situation at CouplesCounselingofLouisville.com and Counseling Relationships Online.com.