Category Archives: Body Language

Derek asked me:

Hey man, I have this doubt, well you said that there must be a good eye contact right? So when having this eye contact where should I be actually looking at? I mean, should I be swapping between her left and right eyes? Or should I focus on just one eye? Or should I set my eyes at the bridge of her nose (like between her eyes)?

As for which eye to focus on: we usually look at a person’s right eye. BUT supposedly if you look into a person’s left eye, you’ll into her soul. Why?

The left eye is linked with the right brain. So, if you look into someone’s left eye, they say you look into their true self.

‘Cause left eye’s linked with right side of the brain (intuitive side). Right eye’s linked the left side of the brain (logical side).

Don’t worry about all that, though. Lose yourself in what she’s saying. Your eyes’ll take care of the rest.

Now, if this tip is worthless to you, here’re some “training wheels”:

Look at her forehead, since it’s the closest to her eyes. Gradually work your way to looking her in the eye.

If you’re a numbers guy, keep these numbers in mind: Look into her eyes 30 percent of the time, and 70 percent in her general direction. It’s okay to look away from each other for a few seconds while talking. It’ll still be strong eye contact.

Then when you’re about to kiss her, gaze into her eyes 70 percent of the time. Looking into someone’s eyes for that long means one or two things: aggression or seduction. Hold the thoughts of “I wanna kiss you,” in your head and it’ll be seductive. You can also try the triangular gaze technique.

Before you kiss a girl, use the triangular gaze technique. Look her in the left eye, slowly into her right eye, down to her lips, and back to her left eye. Very seductive.

So, here’s what to remember. If you’re thinking “me, me, me” that’ll come across in your eyes. But if you focus on her, your eye contact will take care of yourself. Forget about “performing,” lose yourself in what she’s saying, and you’ll hold great eye contact.

Lose yourself in what she’s saying, and your eyes will take care of the rest.

Let’s say you’re standing in a bar talking with a girl. Where do you put your hands? How do you stand?

Put your hands to your sides. If you keep your arms at a 90 degree angle, it looks stiff. If you cross your arms, you block your heart. It’s defensive and closed. If you put your hands in your pocket, that’s also defensive.

However, if you keep your hands to your sides, it looks natural and RELAXED.

Relaxed = confidence.

It might feel uncomfortable having your hands at your sides at first. It’s like you want to do something with your hands. Try this trick.

Press your middle finger and thumb together.

It’s a trick that’s been around for awhile, and it works. It gives your hands something to do. It eliminates any nervous ticks. And it forces you to stand still and calm.

Same thing goes when you hold your drink. It’s not recommended to drink while you’re out approaching. You want your mind to be as clear as possible. Would you play chess when you’re buzzed? But let’s say you do order a beer or a glass of water or something. If you’re standing, how do you hold your drink?

Again, relax your arm. Don’t hold your drink in a way that blocks your heart. And don’t hold your arm at a 90 degree angle. It’s stiff. Hold your drink with your arm extended to your side. It’s more open. It’s relaxed. And you look the opposite of insecure… you look right at home.

When standing, the same idea of relaxation applies. Don’t stand with your weight perfectly distributed on your right and left foot.

DON’T stand like this – stiff

This makes you look like a stiff square. Instead, lean most of your weight on one foot, like in the picture below.

DO stand like this – relaxed

Again, it makes you look more natural and relaxed.

I wrote up a post about body language here. I’ve got a lot more tricks and tips there.

But whenever you’re in doubt, remember to relax. Keep your drink and your hands to your sides. When you relax, it makes the woman you’re talking with feel relaxed, too. You can’t seduce her unless she’s relaxed.

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