The one killer animal movie Syfy won’t green-light

After Syfy blew the Internet’s collective mind last week with a movie called “Sharknado,” about a literal tornado of sharks, Syfy executive vice president in charge of programming Thomas Vitale gave an interview to New York Mag in which he discussed the network’s creative strategy.

Unsurprisingly, it centers on crazy titles that you can easily translate into crazy posters—usually of the animal mashup variety.

Like “Sharktopus“…

…or “Piranhaconda“…

It seems there’s nothing too outlandish for these guys. Except one of these:

Vitale told New York Mag he’s had at least “half a dozen” producers pitch “Killer Koalas.” And he’s not biting:

Here’s one premise we’ve had pitched to us from at least a half-dozen different producers: Killer Koalas… You laugh, but there’s alliteration there. It’s just that the idea of killer koalas — there’s nothing scary about koalas. There’s nothing that stirs anything on an emotional level. There’s nothing that stirs any kind of primordial fear. People have primordial fears of sharks and snakes and large animals and maybe certain types of bugs and creepy-crawly things, like spiders. There’s all these primordial fears that a movie can tap into like we did with Sharktopus or Ice Spiders. But there’s no inner reaction to a koala. So Killer Koalas, even though it makes you laugh, it doesn’t make a movie. A funny title doesn’t necessarily make a movie.

It’s actually sort of profoundly philosophical. There’s clearly an art to picking these things—”Shaknado” captured the imagination of the entire internet for a couple days. So there you have it: Words of wisdom from a Syfy exec. Koalas area total yawn.

It turns out that, not only were 38-year-old Melody Lippert (mugshot, left) and 30-year-old Michelle Ghirelli (right) booked for unlawful sexual conduct, but the extra-curricular enthusiasts are also facing drug charges.