Ask Sam letter

To Sam3 February 2015

Drunk mother

Hello, I would like to ask for some help on how to deal with a drunk mum. She is completely okay when sober its just when she's drunk when it annoys me sooooo much. She acts as if she knows everything and calls me a narcissist and is so rude and mean to me NOT phsically but just mentally. She acts as if nothing happened in the morning! She drinks wine almost every night and gets really drunk. I love my mum but her drinking goes too far! We are a christian family and she likes to twist the Bilbes meanings into something she wants to hear. There have been many situations where she has forced me to eat when she's or has made me cry when she is drunk. Please just give me advice.

This has been happening for as long as I can remember. I am 13 years old.

Sam3 February 2015

Hi there,

When someone is drinking too much and they cant control it, this can mean that they have a problem called alcoholism. Alcoholics can lose control of their behaviour when theyre drunk and often cant control how much they drink.

Having a parent who drinks can be confusing, annoying and upsetting. It can sometimes feel like its your responsibility or your fault, but this isnt true. You have the right to feel safe and cared for at home. Theres no quick solution when someones drinking is affecting you, but that doesnt mean that you have to be powerless.

If someone puts you down, shouts at you and tries to make you feel bad about yourself on a regular basis, this is emotional abuse. No matter what the reason is, its not okay for you to experience this, and its not your fault. Even when youre not being physically hurt, emotional abuse can have a big effect on you.

When your parent is already drunk the most important thing for you is that you keep yourself safe. Sometimes this can mean making sure youre not in the same room or that youre able to stay somewhere else thats safe such as a friend or relatives house. Being drunk can mean that their judgement is impaired. Its not a good idea to try and reason or argue with someone when theyre drunk.

You cant stop your mums drinking on your own. Alateen offer support to teenage relatives of alcoholics and it's a really good place to start. Talking to your mum when shes sober can be a really difficult thing to do, especially on your own. It can be good to think about other people in your life that might be able to support you.

Talking to a trusted adult can help you to find ways to let your mum see how much shes affecting you without putting you at risk. You know the people you trust most in your life, but people like your teachers and religious leaders have a duty to make sure that youre safe and are there to support you if youre not.

Its not okay for anyone to force you to do something that would harm you or make you unsafe. Part of keeping your needs met means making sure that youre eating but if your mum is doing that in a way that makes you feel unsafe then thats not okay.