Monthly Archives: February 2013

Let me present the evidence. A copy of a painting. A classical painting by a classical artist-Titian to be exact. Clicking on the image will take you to the source (Or it should).And because its a painting I think we can agree that in a court of law and even in a science lab or just for kicks, we don’t really have to believe that the subject is real or at least accurate-we infact shouldn’t go there at all. Its not like a photograph- as in photojournalism and was not painted in real time.

I am not saying that Adam and Eve are a myth here or that they are not-that isn’t my point at all.

So lets jump to a recent post on Facebook. Somebody put this on my wall with an arrow pointing to the models belly buttons. I won’t say to “Adam and Eves” belly buttons because the subjects are not actually A and E. They are models. And the post went on to say something like, “Adam and Eve have belly buttons. Think about it!”

I wanted to say, “Its not exactly a photograph so what is your point idiot?” but I don’t do internet warfare. And I thought it was funny because it was supposed to prove beyond a doubt that the biblical Adam and Eve had parents since they had belly buttons in the painting and have belly buttons in all paintings as far as I know.

In the end I laughed. It was just too stupid for anything but laughter. Maybe it was even a joke to begin with. Several hundred “likes” made the comment a fact though, right? LOL!

I got a Rigid Heddle loom for my birthday two years ago and could not for the life of me warp the stupid thing. I say “stupid thing” when in fact it is I who was stupid or at least was made to feel stupid by letting it defeat me. (I say this with great humor:)

I then got sick and let the loom collect dust, cursing it every time I laid eyes on it. But over the summer, I met a weaver at an art fair who told me that everybody who ever touches a loom for the first time cries and feels stupid. Seems I am just normal.

And a couple of weeks ago, I decided that I would either master it or sell the thing. I am trying to not allow dust collectors to stay in this very dusty house anymore. Slowly culling stuff as my health allows.

But of course, since I threatened it with an ultimatum, it actually worked in my favor. With Garry’s help, I warped it at long last!And then I gathered as many of my thread and yarn scraps and even felting fiber odds and ends to learn to actually weave with. A plain weave this time.

I think its going to be a wall hanging or a banner for the porch in summer. I am not sure. I am looking into the concept of Saori weaving (have been for awhile actually) so I am not really worried so much about pattern as I am about color harmony.

And that is my happiness activity for today. I am content that I made friends with this loom after all.

Awhile back, I sold some peppermint herb to the local herbal guild for a store credit. I hadn’t been able to make my way over there to collect until earlier today. They had opened a very nice tea shop where people could go consult with herbalists and buy supplies.

The store is located in an older building that had been subdivided into several stores. One of the shops is a second hand/vintage clothing store owned by a young woman who also moved here from Illinois around the same time I did. We had spoken before but as I don’t get out much no friendship was formed though I though she was very nice.

I walked into the herb shop to find the above mentioned lady reading a Tarot spread for another woman I had been trying to track down regarding Chinese Herbal information. They both greeted me warmly, handed me a cup of tea and sat me down while they finished the reading.

I minded my own business pretty much then browsed and was not able to find what I was looking for so sat down. I was then asked if I would like my cards read. Sure, why not? I said a silent prayer that I would not be made to cry.

As the lady from Illinois spoke about my spread I was reminded of my grannie again. Everything in the cards held promise of a bright future. There were things in there that were real-money issues, the struggles we face and the fact that I doubt my intuition. Also that I am not satisfied with what I do have. Thats true. And mostly, “stop being alone so much!” She foresaw lots of success coming my way though-thats the granny part. But…..

Trust issues people. That is what came out of it all. And it came out matter of factly rather than in emotional outburst thank God! Lol!

Its relaxing to work with very nice quality wools or other natural fibers. I spin as some of you know. On a spindle. And I crochet too. But knitting is the one thing that I find I have enough mastery over that I don’t sweat the small or large challenges that might arise.

The above neck warmer was knit with Noro sock yarn (found on clearance at the local yarn shop). The body of the warmer is my own design and the flower comes from a book that I have on knitting and crocheting flowers. I will update with a title upon demand since the book is upstairs and I don’t want to go up stairs right now.

The body of the warmer is knit in a tube on circular needle, size 5 U.S.

Pattern:

caste on an even number of stitches to desired width of neck warmer.

Knit several rows for seam

rows1-5: knit 2 purl 2 across

rows -6-10- purl 2 knit 2 across

10-15 knit 2 purl 2

15-20 knit across.

Repeat until 2/3rds of desired length and then decrease knit 1, knit 2 together across

knit in pattern for another sequence of rows and do another decrease. Knit in pattern to 10 rows before desired length then divide stitches in half as precisely as you can. You need to add a button hole on each side of the neck warmer. Knit five more rows in pattern. Bind off

turn inside out and sew up the wider seam.

Turn back to right side and sew up button hole.

Okay, thats it. I will answer questions but writing patterns does not make me happy. I design a lot of my own knitting but they tend to be one of a kind because of this lack of interest in pattern writing. Sorry.

I didn’t go outside but it was nice to finally come out of the pattern of overcast skies and fog straight into sunshine. We seem to have gotten one snow storm after another followed by rain or ice for awhile. That too makes me happy on one level because this might help us come out of a drought, but I always miss the sun.

Garry has started seeds. I must take a picture of the shelf he turned into a mini greenhouse. I have no idea what he started all up but he certainly was excited about it. Good:)

He’s also quit drinking and smoking a few days ago and doing well I must say.
As for me….I am busy telling the kids about AlAnon while avoiding attending a meeting myself. The meetings are good but I end up getting choked up and I hate crying in public among strangers! It’s downright mortifying to me!!!

I have only been to a couple of these meetings really. One time I took a friend who was a natural born drama queen. She wore her mink coat. And she cried and cried. That was good because it made her human to others. You’d all be surprised at how off putting a mink coat is socially in the Midwest. Not talking about animal rights here either.
Anywy, she was fine with crying and somebody touched her hand to comfort her. It was nice to watch, nice to see her feel cared for. But I just can’t let go like that.

Not sure how meetings help but I do know people do heal as a result so that makes me happy for them.

I was just over at Gully Grove where my friend Chris wrote that she is going to write about things that make her happy for this year. Here is the link to that post. Chris, you might just be my only blog reader anyhow but just in case others do read here, I want to say that this idea of blogging about what makes a person happy is brilliant!

As some of you (if you are really there) know, I was told to start journaling in an effort to rid myself of anxiety and depression. This-along with meditation and generally starting to feel physically better-was supposed to be my “treatment” plan for these pretty serious issues. So anyhow…..I started over here on a clean slate and found that I was not able to journal much at all. This after many many years of writing nearly every day, nearly obsessively. Go figure.

While I know that my reluctance is in part due to depression (which leads to much procrastination), I also think its because I do have some things to say that shouldn’t be said publicly. I mean, I am not going to talk about the people in my life who are adding to my problems because I do love them and respect their privacy. I have thought a lot about that. I just can’t do it to them. So blogging seemed out of the question as a form of journaling.

And so I have been non productive. But now, I can see a light bulb going off. What if a part of healing is not to rehash the awful stuff all the time? I am not proposing that things get swept under the rug here, but perhaps the problems don’t need to be pinpointed so precisely? Maybe. Just maybe. The point of life is not to be unhappy.

Maybe. Just. Maybe. Happiness is in my own hands.

I truly believe that. And infact the title of my blog is about that. Its what my grandmother had always wanted for me when she read those coffee grounds and found nothing but happiness there, even if she was just projecting her own hopes and dreams for me.

So I think its time to take matters into my own hands here and be happy. I don’t have to write the negative stuff in my “healing” journal. I can realistically write about things that are good in life instead. I am not so unhappy that my life is 24/7 awful after all.

So thanks very much Chris. Your wisdom has gotten me through many a rough patch you know? Heres to you!

The other day, I wrote a long post, didn’t save it and my iPad shut down. Lost the post of course. Needless to say- frustration set in and I went back on hiatus.

Hmm…let’s see. News….I am in my followup period. So far my bloodwork is in normal range- anemia is gone, no need for b12 shots. All good. But my CEA results are not back…this is a test used to detect colon cancer. I won’t scan till April

On Monday, I follow up with radiation oncology and G.I. guy as well as more lab work…to determine if I need blood thinners indefinitely. This part is scary but I am getting good at tuning fear out.

I also started physical therapy for my bum leg and generalized weakness. I ride my stationary bike daily but it hurts my tailbone so I can’t ride long enough for results. I think I will start price comparing for a recumbent bike soon. I am sticking to the program.

Dealing with the news that my older brother had two small heart attacks, still smokes two packs of cigs a day,suffers depression, is obese and does crack often. I got my wake up call 1 year ago on January 25 th. yup my cancerverary came and went ready.

My medical bill so far is 300,000 and some change. It’s too expensive to backslide. And it hurts to be sick, weak, dying. I guess my brother doesn’t think like that.

Hope everybody else is good.

about the title

a finjan is a coffee or tea cup in arabic. more specifically its a cup used to first drink turkish coffee and then read the remaining grinds. my granny m. was very good at this unless it came to me. when she read my cup-over and over again-she saw wedding bells and then later on many children. good things. so i write here about my life in the hopes that she was right about me.