I was due to travel to Austria/Hungary with work yesterday, traveling to Dublin for my flight from Belfast. Arrive at the desk at Dublin airport and my passport is out of date. I hadn't been looking forward to the trip for several reasons, however this was just too much. Returning to work later that day with my tail between my legs, I received a stern talking too and a verbal warning for my silly mistake. With already having a very poor relationship with this boss, things were very difficult yesterday.

Today isn't so bad. I'm trying not to think about the moment the lady at the check in desk pointed out the expiry date of June 2013. It has reinforced my feelings of being a failure, having meticulously prepared for the trip in every other way.

I've been following this thread from the start and have just read it in it's entirety (including some of the links) but have not posted on it.

I know a lot of you have used this thread to realise that you need help so just wanted to say that I have used it for the opposite. I have had first-hand experience of what depression can do to a person (my mum is clinically depressed and has been for 20 years) so started to recognise a few signs in myself over the last few weeks. It all started when it seemed like all of my friends were starting families/getting married/buying houses throughout the summer while I am single and stuck renting. I felt stuck in a rut of work, riding my bike and sitting at home all alone. I was definitely lonely. Then I realised that a friend of mine through work had turned into more than a friend, I was falling for her massively. I read this thread to give me the confidence to ask her out (the stories of getting to a happier place really helped) but held off for a few weeks while I sorted myself out a bit. Unfortunately, unbeknown to me, she found someone else in this time. So I ask her out and get knocked back, she hasn't got in contact since. I was (still am) gutted and quickly felt myself falling into a spiral of sleeping loads, not enjoying work (I normally like it), not eating and even hating my bikes. Even riding my favourite bike on one of my favourite rides couldn't sort me out!!

Fast forward to last week and this thread pops up again. I read the whole thing, going through the links etc thinking that I was entering the depression cycle that my mum goes through constantly. I now realise that I'm just frustrated at not also being settled with someone, putting down roots etc like my friends all are. I took the opportunity to talk to one of my closest friends about it when the subject of mental health came up (she's just had her first baby so PND was being discussed) and just the simple act of talking has got my head in a far better place. I was out on the bike yesterday and loved it, I'm enjoying my work again and really looking forward to helping all of my friends with their house projects/baby duties etc. Christmas/new year will be the test as I always get a bit lonely around now (10th year in a row single during the holidays) but I feel far more positive about things now. My friend is going to keep an eye on me just in case though!!

I may not be depressed now or in the future, but reading all your experiences has helped me. Good luck everyone getting yourselves to a happier place.

Made me realise I had once more spiralled into a dark and lonely place. I've been to see the GP, she's put me back on my meds and I've had a really good talk with a PWP (Psychological Well-being Practitioner) - with a view to having a go at CBT.

I'm similar to St Colin in that talking to people is extremely difficult. The thought of having to make a phone call or speak to someone face to face (even my friends!!) can leave me in a right state of anxiety.

Being able to anonymously get things off my chest or even read about other folk having experiences similar to mine is an enormous relief - I am not alone and I am not the only one.

Today was not one of my best, I've had a few down episodes recently where I seem to be asking some big questions of myself. I have managed to lift myself out of them by remembering that I have good days too. Tonight I got home and took my bike out rode round the woods and it wasn't till I was on my way back that I realised my mood had lifted and I didn't even notice the transition.
Good days come and good days go. Remembering that the same is true of bad ones is the hard part. Keep it up guys!

I haven't been very happy recently the panic of there is nothing after death crept in a few weeks ago literally bringing me to my knees, but I have been dealing with this since I was a child and have managed to put of my mind for now.

Being out of work and having endless none productive interviews is niggling at me making me feel trapped, powerless and financially under pressure, with my partner supporting the house and me on her wage,
and then to top this all I am having very serious doubts about getting married next year plus there is another woman who I can't get out my mind but we both have kids and respective partners so we just ignore our attraction all though I think both our other half's suspect.
I just want to pack my bag some times and go

Have opened a reply box countless times but never been able to hit the send post button.

Been back living with my parents now for around 2 weeks. Relationship is up in the air. My gf just wants to not think about things and try and enjoy 'dating' each other again. We have spent time together, but away from that I'm finding things really really tough. She has told me she has doubts, and for me that just means the beginning of the end. I don't know how much longer I can go on for, not knowing if I have a future with her. My body confidence is at an all time low and my self-asteem is shattered. I try really hard when I'm with her to be happy and carefree like she wants.

I'm running all sorts of things through my head. Is she talking or seeing someone else? Is she building up to ending it but doesn't know how?

I am trying to work on some exercises that I have got from CBT to help with this, but it's so tough trying to make them work.

Without trying to sound negative or putting myself down (a problem that I struggle with) its all fairly obvious but I found that it actually helped quite a bit. I've made and continue to try and make changes to the way I think of myself (I'm very self critical), but it isn't easy.

I also have medication on prescription waiting for me if I need it, he said give the above site a go and call if I feel I need a helping hand with the meds.

I've just started with a new cbt counsellor...my last one seemed to be spiralling down into her own bottomless pit!

I've been steadily on a downward spiral for about two-three months now, which is about the time I've been out of cbt. Working six days a week at the minute which is ridiculous....once again I have literally lost the ability to relax. It's a shame that I'm feeling low really as I have got some great things happening in my life at the minute.

I'm getting a thorough mauling from the black dog at the moment, no energy or motivation and a fairly consuming low level anxiety that can leap at the drop of a hat..
It's been building since the beginning of summer, we took on far too much again this year, with yet another house and business premises move, Mrs yunki has had to put in waaay more hours than we'd hoped leaving me pretty much alone with the kids through some very demanding behaviour.. One of the first things to suffer is housework, which has left me in a perpetual state of catch-up and teetering right on the edge of chaos which really doesn't help..
I honestly didn't think depression would ever get the better of me again after a long battle through my 20s but this is right back there..

I'm taking Citalopram which is taking the edge off the anxiety but there's no sign of opportunities for improvement in other areas..
I've always used profound change in lifestyle to beat depression before but it's hard to see how to apply that due to my present circumstances..

Need to start breaking things down into realistically achievable short term goals for a while maybe..

Hi Yunki. That's exactly what my CBT has been getting me to do. One small thing at a time. Identifying what areas are the porblems etc. For me, it's worrying/ruminating that I need to work on. So I take each thought and work on it individually. You need to exercise the mind alongside taking the medication.

My cbt was a bit of a mish mash tbh colin. Looking at behaviour patterns and how they can lead to low moods etc. The root of my problems is anxiety/over thinking. My mind is always on the go analyzing anything and everything. I'm going to be working on mindfulness with my new therapist.

Need to start breaking things down into realistically achievable short term goals for a while maybe..

You need to do this ^^ everyday, I used to do a wee thing where I'd "earn my reward" so before I sat down and had a cup of tea and a biscuit I'd pick one chore and do it. It is habit forming and I found that I'd often end up doing more than I set out to.

Colin, hold in there.
What helps me cope is making the most I can out of the good periods and trying to muddle through the dark times.

No one knows what the future may bring, but what you can influence is what is happening now. Try living life for today and take each day as it comes, rather than worrying about what may happen tomorrow. Things will find there own way.

I know about thinking the worst of the future. If you think the worst is going to happen then you can never be let down, but it sends you down that road of being negative about life and maybe you've written everything off in your mind before giving yourself a chance.

Yes things may not work out, but if you don't allow yourself the chance for them to work, you'll never know.

All easier said than done and i'm the worlds biggest cultrate for doing just that

Scuzz, I have spent my CBT so far doing exercises based on 'thinking about thinking' and handling my worries. My day is overcome with all sorts of thoughts and worries that I handle incorrectly. For example, my current life worry/thoughts are regarding the massive change in my relatiosnhip. Worrying that it is the beginning of the end, thinking that she doesn't love me and wants to leave me. Of course, the reality is that none of those things are reality. So I try and learn to accept them as just thoughts and allow them to pass me by. That's all they are, thoughts. So, maybe she has given me her thoughts on how she feels and I need to take that as reality. All these other ideas I have in my head may not be true, so why let them rule me?

I hope that makes some sense. I understand that the normal process would be to worry somewhat, then get on with it, and base what you do on the here and now.

But what I can tell you is that it is not easy for me. Especially when it comes to my relationship

The relationship is not a done deal but the one thing that is more important than that is you. You must put your own physical and mental well being first. When you are well the relationship issues will resolve themselves one way or another and you will be fine.

Its very difficult to hold a relationship together when depression is involved, I have been there. IMO the best thing you can do (but also one of the hardest) is to do exactly as she says and just date each other and have fun.

She's still with you so you have a chance to change her mind I'm sure she wants everything to be good.

You really need to try to live in the moment and stop yourself from thinking about past issues and future scenarios. You can do nothing about either now. This type of thinking can pull you further into depression.

Its the cycle, you become depressed and feel bad, your brain tries to work out why and how to fix it thinking about being depressed and causes more depression. If this was easy to stop then it would be easy to fix. You can insert any problems causing depression here.

Have a look at how mindfulness can help you in depression, this will help you to stop feeling bad in the short term. Try to just get through one moment at a time and the hours and days will take care of themselves.

As said by someone, setting short term goals and rewards are a good way to go and above all do not give yourself a hard time about anything, even if you think you should. This is counter productive for your mental health - dont do it.

If you crash the car, break your bike, stub your toe, annoy your loved ones etc - learn from it and just move on, put it in the past.

Find lots of little things that are good and live for them, there are ways though.

Hi all, putting my hand and up to admit I am suffering badly with depression, have probably been since 2007 but have been in denial, couldnt admit it to myself and its practically ruined everything I have.

The last two years have been and rapid decline and I now find myself in a very very dark place, marriage gone, my partner has left me and is with someone else and its hard just to do the most simple task. Practically no sleep, can't eat, can't face friends and I can't even face the bikes.

Been to the doctors and broke down in the surgery so have been put on mirzapine and zopiclone and had my first counselling session on friday with another tomorrow. I cannot see any future at all at the moment to be honest, even though have looked through this thread I can see there should be light at the end of the tunnel I just cannot find that I connect with that as a possibility, I just wish everything would just stop, those of you on here who are going through it will understand what I mean, I dont mean suicide I just want some peace.

Just read your post and totally recognise the feeling you describe - the emptiness of existence and a wish that somehow it could just stop. I guess there's some good news and bad news. The good news is that as far as I can tell that's a pretty common place for depressed people to find themselves, but the bad news is that there isn't a magic cure that'll suddenly turn things around. The truth is that there really is a light at the end of the tunnel but it can be hard to see sometimes. The tunnel has plenty of twists and turns, ups and downs and sometimes even false glimpses of light before you really get to the end.

Counselling can take a while - when I started mine I hadn't even recognised my own symptoms and couldn't even connect with how I actually felt inside, but after a series of painful realisations I've gradually come to know myself better. I've done CBT as well but I think that's probably most useful once you understand yourself better - I'd have been in no place to use it at first.

One thing I've found that helps is to go along to a support group. It's a bit like a real life version of this thread. I find it's somewhere I can be totally open and honest, and be understood by others who are (or have been) in a similar position. If I'd read your post out at a meeting I can assure you there would have been a lot of heads nodding as people recognised what you say, and that shared experience helps to give me the belief that there is a way forward, that there is a healing process.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm not so good. With my relationship in the balance, and our contact is getting less and less by the day. We have seen each other 3 times since the beginning of December. I have honored her want of needing space and time. I am trying to hold back on contacting her etc, but it is very difficult.

It couldn't happen at a worse time of year, I feel so lonely. We do have stuff planned over Christmas, so I guess I should try and remain positive about it.

Take care, and Merry Christmas to you all. Thanks for your contributions and I hope this thread can keep going.

St Colin
I am the OP of this thread and it has been such an eye opener that it has hit 9 pages.

All I can offer you is the fact that whatever troubles you are having It will pass, it will get better you just need to believe and work at it.

It is a hard time of year for many people I know, please keep on trying to see the positive parts of your life when you start to list them you do start to realise that you have a lot of good things in your life.

I mean health, having food to eat, warm house to live in, all the basic stuff, before moving onto the other positives in your life rather than dwelling on the negatives.

Not sure how much sense that makes but it's what I have been doing and it seems to help you see the bigger picture.