Sunday, September 24, 2017

I wake up everyday with a puffy eyes and forced a smile on my face and started my day with a morning wish to the family's whatsapp group. That's my routine. When i told you i forced a smile, I do. I did it millions of time that I could't differentiate the differences and how can you? My brain can no longer elicit it.

I know I sound depressing. Depression is an issue. I'm not in the state. Or not yet.

You know they always said people with depression can look happy when they are around others. Because guys, we don't know how to read minds. We're human beings, we can only judged others physically.

Enough about depression. It's about me, remember?

I laugh, I smile, I cry, I have emotions.
I've been so disappointed. Disappointed with others. But most importantly, I'm disappointed with myself.

I never heard people call me stupid, literally.
I never heard people said they hated me,literally.

Recently, my ear picked up those words from a person who expressed it on my face. Thus, my brain processed it, and create an emotion of sad, angry and disappointed.
Yeah, I know. It's deep and complicated.
Reading this, you might have develop sympathy to me. But don't. Please.

My bedsheet no longer have that downy softener smell. What's there is the smell of my tears.
My pillow has been my shoulder to cry on.

I never really tell anyone my story, my problems. They tend to tell their's rather than hearing mine. So I'm fine with telling all to my wall-friend.
(before anyone judging me, I have friends guys. A lot. But i'm not the type who can express my feeling well by mouth. So I typed)

I've been happy. But i'm not right now. In order to keep my parents happy, I put on a smiley mask so they would't know.
But i'm not sure how far long I can keep pretending to be a person i'm not.
I want to be the same person again, who smile willingly every single time.

I know life is not always sunshine and rainbows. But a little bit ray of sunshine and a glimpse of rainbow wouldn't hurt.

Thursday, June 08, 2017

"Patient is your best teacher. When you have time, go to the hospital and clerk patient"

A wise man said this to us, students, once. What he said was indeed true. I noticed that though I read about some diseases from those thick huge books, I find it easier to remember all the details through my observation from the patients.

I must say that I am pretty thankful that I am studying here in India as the patients mostly are cooperative although sometimes they get annoyed when you asked question while they are in pain. Some days, you might even be lucky to have patients that speak English. Here, at where I am now, the locals majority use Kannada language, Marathi language or Hindi. I am happy enough if my patients are able to speak Hindi.

Patients here are welcoming the students and they look up on medical students like how they look upon their doctors. They greet you "Namaskar Madam" while smiling brightly.

There was this one time I got a patient with venous ulcer secondary to varicose vein. He was so cooperative which i was thankful about and everyday when I came to check on him, he will always asked whether i have eaten or not. He told me about his problems that led to his newly diagnosed hypertension. I was touched on how he trust me to tell his problem which are personal to him.
Building rapport is not easy with language barrier and the struggle is real guys.

There are also times when I tried to clerk a pediatric patient.Her mother who is her informant couldn't understand a word we're saying so she gave up on us. Yes, I was disappointed but what can I do? I'll just have to go and find another patient.

You know they trust you are good when they asked for your help in the ward like when the IV fluid isn't running or when they need any medication. I am not trained and am not qualified to do that just (without supervision) yet so I call the sister/brother in charge to take a look at them and still I'm happy that they trusted me.

Another doctor told us that when you clerk a patient and you don't know what the disease that are having. A disease that you never learned or never heard of before. You can get all the info from the patient itself. Start by asking the symptoms they are having that brings them to the hospitals. Any investigation done? what are the treatments they are taking? any side effects?
Through all these questions, you'll get to learn the whole thing about the disease. Been there, tried that and acquired the info.

I am definitely not a book worm (I tried to be one) so I try going to hospital everyday if I am able to because patient is your best teacher right?

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Another 3 months and I officially ending my Second year of med school. And if I passed my Professional Examination this coming June, I'll be entering my Clinical Phase (Year 3). I really hope I'll pass this exam, please wish the best for me guys. Thanks.

This is my College building (a-must-to-take-picture-place)

Anyway, people have been asking me how I survived studying in University? Well i haven't actually finish my degree yet so I'm not your best options to ask this kind of question.

But I love to share with you guys about how I can survive up till now.
I hope this post will be beneficial for you guys especially those who never been away from home before (geng geng budak sekolah harian, high five!)

1. God

Always pray to Him. Ask for strength. InsyaAllah everything will be alright.

2. Family

When you enter University, don't ever forget to contact your family, especially your parents. You might get homesick (in my case) so whatsapp, skype, facetime and such really do help me in overcome my homesick disease.

Most students, when they enter Uni life, they tend to forget home.They get so involved with friends and forget to call home. You know, if friends leave, family will always stay. After all, blood is thicker than water right?

Never forget family.

3. Friends

You can find friends everywhere. Never choose friends. Never betray your friendship. It doesn't matter if you don't have a bestfriend in Uni as long as you keep good relationship with all your friends, they wouldn't hesitate to help you.

4. Never bother what people say

It has pros and cons. Somethings are good to listen but some just don't. Be yourself, be confident. Because not everyone likes you and some just wants to bring you down. Don't ever let that happen!
Take what's good and leave what's not.

5. Be independent

You must learn to be independent. Don't depend too much on others. Life is challenging. One moment you have everyone with you, one moment they aren't there. Everyone has their own life to take care of. In University, it's all about survival. They fight and struggle to be the fittest.

So does that mean if you eat alone, you shop alone, you went photocopy alone, basically a lone ranger, you don't have friends?

WRONG.

It's just that you are too matured to do things alone. I'm like that. I hate to bother people to follow me going here and there. If I can go alone, I'll go. You see what I mean with be independent? My friends and I we all will eat together and shop together when we have a free time.

Doesn't mean that if you seldom go out with your friends, you aren't friends anymore.
This is what people have misunderstood.

Life in university is very fun and enjoyable. If you know how to take care of yourself, if you have the right manner and all, you'll be fine. You'll be more than fine.

Just take care of your relationship. Relationship with God, Family and Friends. Not to forget your Lecturers. Respect them, they'll be nice to you.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Harini Batman vs Superman keluar dekat cinemas. Many of my friends are excited to watch this movie. Well I'm not a fan of actions movie but for the sake of not being left out, I have to watch this. Yes but not today.Today is Holy festival in India where they play with coloured powders. It's colourful, everywhere! Sad;y, we're being locked down in the hostel till 1.30pm.

Anyway, most of you guys must have watched The Revenant kan?

I watched it last two to three weeks ago, I can;t remember it precisely but yerp how do you find that movie?
Interesting?

Some people went to watch that movie either they won oscar or they love Leonardo or they really want to watch this movie. Me? Because I just need to watch movie. It is my one and only entertainment on weekends here!

I kinda like ovearall of this story but I am kinda impatient. Each scene was kinda slow, maybe they want us to imagine being there in the wild?

I almost fell asleep for 4 to 5 times during the movies.
When I watched it at first, I really couldn't get the situation and throughout the movies i was like
"who is that native boy who's been following around?"
"Who is the girl that they're looking for?"
"is the girl they're looking for is Leonardo wife or what?"
"how can he walk after being attacked like that?"

The last questions was so arguable. After being attacked by a freaking large bear and got infected, he survived yes it's possible but how can he walk? I know he crawled at first but you did see how bad he was attacked right? his spine was like really crushed. And no way it healed in that sucha short period of time! medically talking, even a fibula,a not really important bone in our body has to be put plaster cast.