Eater DC is on the prowl for political heavies, launching an investigative series on bipartisan trolling grounds by divulging its top 15 places to fraternize with “attractive, wealthy Republicans.”

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According to Eater DC co-editor Missy Frederick, the list is meant to highlight the places Republican supporters, rather than actual lawmakers, choose to unwind.

Although the GOP operatives we consulted were thrilled that we considered them authorities on the subject, the operatives thought the gastro-plotting could use more fine-tuning.

“It strikes me as a very schizophrenic list with three distinct personalities,” he suggested, carving up the recommendations:

Attractive: places young Republican staffers — and those who don’t actually work in politics but are self-identified Republicans — hang out and hook up (Capitol Lounge, Tortilla Coast, George, Smith Point, Bayou and Town Hall);

“I can't fault them on Capital Grille for the K Street crowd. But those searching Cap Lounge for deep pockets and fancy cars are more likely to find some wings, popped collars and Bud Light,” the former Republican Congressional staffer shared, adding that they overlooked GOP favorites such as Bobby Van’s Grill, Charlie Palmer Steak, Lola’s and Sidecar at P.J. Clarke’s.

The most damning testimony, however, came from an obviously sheltered individual.

“You’d have to ask a wealthy and attractive Republican. I’ve never heard of these places,” the self-deprecating staffer told HOH.

Fear not, Lefties: Eater is planning to pull the curtain back on Democratic strongholds next.