Your Craziest Child

Helping my dad birth a baby calf

I was chosen by random to meet Mariah Carey at her album release party in 2002 — I was a sophomore in HS

My underwear melting off

I was 5 years old and wake up early the day after xmas. Our cat had kittens a few days before and i wanted to play with them. I went in the living room and mama cat had bitten the head off of one of the kittens. This kitten was smaller and sicker then the others. So we think mama cat euthanised her. It was beyond disturbing

Neighborhood dad getting us ice cream. Ice cream was so hard the end of the spoon went right through his hand. Ouch. I can never get that out of my head

I hated to eat vegetables as a kid. My dad told me if I didn’t eat them the vegetable fairy would come at night and turn my body into vegetables

Remember waking up one day and saw my mother’s teeth in a fishbowl with the fish still in it

When I was in 8th grade we went on a cruise. My dad got a bump on his head in the pool. Later that evening when we were having a fancy dinner (and when he was drunk) he forgot how he got the bump and asked my mom if he got it having wild sex the night before. I died. I and am 29 and still can’t get it out of my brain

When I was about 12-13 my brother and his best friend hog tied me with duct tape and proceeded to tickle me until I peed myself then left me there crying . I had to crawl over and call my mom using my tongue and nose to dial. Since then I haven’t been ticklish at all

Weirdest childhood memory: my grandmother brought me along to a funeral home so she could do the hair of one of her customers that died

I had a dream a big monkey was chasing me while I was wearing a wedding dress! And I still have that nightmare to this day!

When MySpace first came out, and I was allowed to have one, I was searching through my family computer where all of our pictures were at that time. I found an adult photo shoot that was between my parents. I still haven’t recovered

Our mother used to cut the grass in a bikini and flip flops all oiled up! We lived on a big corner lot in Chicago and you cannot know what it was like for my sister and I growing up and having to see that week after week after week!

WINNER: My brother had left boobs.com open on the computer and my mom called us all in to the living with the page pulled up and an expectant look on her face. My mom with boobs.com in the background haunts me to this day