Sunday, August 22, 2010

Rapture Insurance, Raisin Style

This insurance is designed to take care of your pets, etc. after you've been whisked away to live in the clouds. It costs $110.00 for a single pet at a single address and $15.00 for additional pets at that address.

I won't name them, since a recent survey showed most Americans rank atheists below homosexuals on an acceptability scale (and we hate gays so much we won't even let them get married because, I suppose, we're afraid they'll reproduce), but you atheists know who you are.

So, anonymous atheist friends, if I suddenly disappear, would you take care of Abby and Emmy, please?

(Note: Technically speaking, #5 is an agnostic view. And here's what Life of Pi says about agnostics:

"I can well imagine an atheist's last words: "White, white! L-L-Love! My God!"--and the deathbed leap of faith. Whereas the agnostic, if he stays true to his reasonable self, if he stays beholden to dry, yeastless factuality, might try to explain the warm light bathing him by saying, "Possibly a f-f-failing oxygenation of the b-b-brain," and, to the very end, lack imagination and miss the better story.")

If your God, who is the epitome of love and goodness, decides that you get to go to heaven but your pets are worthless bags of flesh destined to starve to a lonely death. You have my word that I will do my best to stymie his good plan.