1: Nobody wants to see men slapping other men on their fat a$$ butts and pretend that it’s manly.

2: Playing solitaire on your computer for the 750th time requires more brain cells.

3: Besides the commercials during the Stupid Bowl, you spend the most time watching the players shuffle around between (usually boring) plays. Watching Tiger and Rory play a slow game of mini-golf on a TV with static would be more interesting.

4: Most of you will plop your lazy a$$es on the couch, eat junk food and drink beer all day, and gain five pounds doing it. You’ll also have a wicked hangover on Monday. That’ll take at least 24 hours of rest (or mindless zombie-ism at work) and five days at the gym to fix — so that’s 4 hours PLUS an additional 10 HOURS of WASTED TIME! (yep… just found this: http://huff.to/WG6zqi)

5: Team owners get loads of bragging rights –AND– they get to own a team that is branded with a city’s name. We pay taxes to a city and, therefore, we own that city. So why do rich team owners get to pick who plays for the teams? This is AMERICA… It’s a DEMOCRACY! US citizens should have a say in who represents us on the field! Only then the Stupid Bowl MIGHT be worthy of a fragment of our time.

6: The stars on the field are the “jocks” and “ballers” who got a free ride in high school because they could run fast, tackle people, and kick a ball through a goal, while YOU had to give up your much-deserved social life to work hard and get good grades so you could get a “real” job.

7: Many of us have invested in a DVR of some sort because we want to fast-forward through the commercials. It’s a universal understanding that the Stupid Bowl has become THE stand-out event where people actually look forward to the commercials, so isn’t it blatantly OBVIOUS that the game part is a throw-away? If you’re watching the Stupid Bowl just to see the commercials, hark! Every commercial is available on YouTube soon after its “premier,” and often as ONE continuous video! Therefore, save yourself several hours, skip the stupid stuff, and bite right into the only redeemable portion of this long-winded televised event.

8: Do you realize how many prayers will be wasted in church this Sunday over who will win the Stupid Bowl and what the spread will be? These conversations with God could instead focus on peace, charity, and good will for the world; curing the sick, aiding the poor, supporting our troops, and protecting our loved ones. I mean… COME ON.

9: People bet a heck of a lot of dough on the game who don’t have the funds to spare. A recent tweet by a guy with 81 followers who claims he’s the “Founder/CEO/Writer/Director/Producer” for a film company that’s working on their FIRST film: “putting $1,000 on Harbaugh and calling it a day. #FingersCrossed.” Um… yeah, like this guy can afford to lose a grand today.

10: The news has been flooded with stupid topics for the past few weeks in “preparation” for the Stupid Bowl – like: who’s gonna win? Let’s flip a coin and find out! And… how is Beyonce going to wear her hair for the halftime show: straight, curly, an up-do…? Let’s take bets! Apparently, there are a few dumba$$es out there who think this boring event is a much more important topic than the daily international, national, and local news that includes political updates, philanthropic stories, recent crimes of interest, weather reports, and all of the other stuff that’s honestly MUCH more interesting to the world.

If you weren’t already thinking of it as the Stupid Bowl… you are now. 🙂