March 20, 2012

It's been a while

I have not actually put words on my blog in a really long time. I have lists, I have updates to those lists, I have safe things, that I propose nobody can judge. And if they did, I'm not attached to them emotionally so I wouldn't really care if they did.

Why has this been the case?

I decided somewhere along the way that I didn't have much to say. That even if I did have something to say that those who have criticised before, would criticize again, and I was not so much interested in that. The truth is, I am still concerned with the critics. Those voices are the loudest voices in my head when it comes to writing. But among my concern is a still small voice that keeps at me saying, "Write it down. Share it with others. What you have to say might help someone. And if you can't write something that will change the whole world, it's okay, just write it down for the one that it will help."

So, I'm going to write here. I just going to unpack my day. I'm going to share how I see the world. On my most insecure of days, I may even just share what I think the world see's of me. I am going to share my pain, my joy, my hardest days and those moments that are so amazing I cannot even believe it myself without a slight pinch to the upper-inner arm.

I love to write. I LOVE TO WRITE. There. I said it. I love it. I'm good at it. Not everyday, but sometimes. And I don't think that's pride. I think that is acknowledging God has given me a gift to string words together to make people think and feel and laugh and cry and wonder. He gave me this gift so I can use it. Hiding this light under a bushel has been out of fear. I'm not fearless, for goodness sake I'm human, but I am courageous. I am anchored to the truth that I am not given a spirit of fear so that seems like a pretty good place to start again. This is going to be a season where I learn to write in spite of the little bugger.