Sunday, July 9, 2017

Done

I was in love.

But he broke my heart.

Again.

No, he didn't travel for work anymore. But maybe I can come up there where he is for a visit. ....maybe, but I have several commitments in town this summer, then school resumes so I didn't know when I can travel.

Yes, he's changed; he puts family before work. ...he has a 1 year old daughter. She needs him to be there. He adoress her.

Wait...we were dating two years ago. Long-distance, but still. Then we drifted apart because he got busy at work and stopped communicating with me. So he went from me, to another woman, and got her pregnant within a couple months. ...and then they split shortly before his daughter was born. This is not looking good for him.

But I have him another chance. He said a lot of things I wanted to hear.

And sometimes he said nothing at all, even though he said he'd call.

And when I finally said something about it, because it felt like what happened last time, all I got was excuses. He's got his daughter. He's got to catch up on work. He can't travel.

Fine.

But if you want to have a relationship, you've got to put some time and energy into it. Just like you did growing your business, buddy.

So you don't really want me. At least not enough to invest your time and energy.

Not even when I had a crummy business meeting and wanted cheering up, nothing more than talking to you. And you said nothing for three days.

Because you were busy. That's fine. That's how you are.

But I don't want that anymore.

I want. I deserve! Someone who will make time in their life for me. Someone who will invest time and energy into a relationship.

So I will keep waiting until he and I find each other. Better to be alone on my own than lonely (and lied to) in a relationship.

But it still hurts. And tonight I'm trying to feel as horrible in my body as I do in my heart. My old brain wiring is driving me to eat crap.