Advice Goddess: Shy guys still need to step up

You seem to think it's OK for women to make quick judgments about a shy man's worth because his shyness is their first impression. Well, a man shouldn't have to be loud, obnoxious, and "in your face." These women, with their snap judgments, don't consider that there might be something really good under the surface of a shy guy and could miss out on a nice relationship.

For instance, when I was younger and really shy, I had a huge crush on a girl but figured she was way out of my league. One day, we crossed paths unexpectedly and talked for a few minutes. I decided right then that I had to know "yes" or "no" and get it behind me. I mustered everything I had and asked her out as confidently as I could. She said yes, and we dated for over two years. Had she dismissed me just because I was shy, we both would have missed out.

Answer - A guy doesn't have to be loud, obnoxious, and "in your face" to succeed with women, but he can't be "in a fetal position behind furniture."

Typically, you get what you want in life by asking for it. I don't think this is "OK" or not OK; it's just how life works. When a guy sees a woman he wants, that's his moment to hit on her, meaning do his best to chat her up and then follow through and ask her out. He might wish he could just sit there silently while she looks for "something really good under the surface" - getting his credit report and references from his third-grade teacher- but that's not going to happen. And think about it; would you recommend that getting a job should work in the same way?

Hilariously, you follow up your complaint about how life "should" work for shy guys with a great example of how it can work - once they stop waiting for a woman to club them like a baby seal and drag them home. As you showed, a guy doesn't have to be fearless to ask a woman out. He just needs to decide not to give in to his fears in the moment and then get to work fixing what's broken in himself.

The cool thing is, a guy doesn't have to become some Mr. Smooth to get the girl. He can even be kind of awkward. People admire courage, even when it maybe stammers a little. Of course, a guy won't always get the girl just because he tries, but trying and striking out will only leave him with a temporary boo-boo on his ego instead of the internal injuries he'd get from tucking his tail between his legs so fast that he bruises his spleen.