The official position of CPAC organizers is that they could not fit Chris Christie at the conference (Photo credit: Marissa Babin)

This March, the Republican Party is organizing its annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), which is a big annual gathering of conservatives, where they get together and make conservative speeches to each other and try to out-conservative each other. (I apologize for using word “conservative” so many times, though I’ve honestly tried to use it conservatively). Chris Christie, the Republican Governor of New Jersey, was a star of the last year’s CPAC. However, this year CPAC has not invited Christie to address the conference, citing his “limited future” with the party due to his less-than-conservative positions on Sandy relief and gun control. Here are 10 other prominent conservatives that CPAC organizers will not invite this year, with their brief explanations.

1) Singer Ted Nugent: “He said that if Obama is re-elected, he’d be either dead or in jail. Either way, he won’t be able to make it.”

2) Sarah Palin: “What if she starts talking, then quits her speech mid-sentence to go on a book tour or reality show?”

3) Marco Rubio: “The only way we can have him is if we can keep him away from water bottles. It was just easier not to invite him than hire TSA agents to confiscate all water bottles.”

4) George W. Bush: “Who?”

5) Allen West, an African American Tea Party politician: “We already got Herman Cain. What do we need a second black man for?”

6) Arnold Schwarzenegger: “He couldn’t make it this year, but said he’ll be back.”

7) Mitt Romney: “Why do you keep bringing up these people that we have no idea who they are??”

8) Richard “Rape is a gift form God” Mourdock, a Senatorial candidate: “Though if he were to attend, his speech would have been a gift from God…”

9) Karl Rove: “We would have invited him, but he’s just too busy trying to win Ohio for Romney.”

10) Clint Eastwood: “With so many people that aren’t invited, there would just be too many empty chairs at CPAC to keep Eastwood from talking to them.”

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events.
(* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.)
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Hahaha! The Republicans are sticking with the tried and true strategy of only listening to the completely insane fringe wackos of their party. It was so effective in the last two elections. I loved when Jon Stewart said Obama was the luckiest man alive because of who he was up against.

Frankly even here in lil’ ol’ New Zealand I think all politicians are whacko — why should yours be any different? But that Obama guy has to be well qualified as the most powerful idio— man in the world. He’s got a nice smile.

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