Sunday, December 26, 2010

words are self-fulfilling prophecy....if you say them repeatedly for enough times, they will probably come true...so, be optimistic and have faith...say all the wonderful and beautiful words like 'i am beautiful' or 'i am extremely lucky' or 'my day will be great!' or 'i am brilliant' and they might well become true ^^

p/s: yes yes this bitch said all the wrong things all the time, so please ignore her when she does so okay?

i am a conflicted person who would dearly love to listen to gossip...but i have this voice in my head, screaming 'NO, NO, NO, NO, NO 1039482374392002x!!!!!'....coz i know i would not stop at listening...it'll be all-out war for me TT_TT...very personal indeed...

busy picking a non-existent fight with my illustrious family member behind the said-member's back...i am nothing if not pathetic....

dusting off my textbooks for an upcoming test (one test of lessons i haven't learned as i haven't attended any, i repeat, any, classes)...

scrambling off like a mad-chicken-who-losses-his-head to find something of extreme importance in my life: a direction in life.

getting on my family's nerves by being a loser...

so, dear santa, haven't i been a good girl lately?...don't i deserve great thoughtful gifts under my christmas tree?...

merry christmas everyone! have a joyous celebration!

p/s: i am thinking and missing you guys so much! much love to rachel, joyce, nia, christina, evie, janus, jason, jessie, lirelle, malisha, nicole, rachel mak, sam, savelina, simmi, snow, suki and families...and my friends whose names i didn't mention, not for the lack of thought, but the lack of time ^^ i still love you guys much! keep in touch! and yes, i will reopen my facebook once the time is right ^^

warning:this is a mindless rant whereby i, by the name of harley, will vent my spleen and everything in between. so, be forewarned.

malay, a race full of culture and traditions...we are also a race full of bullshits and wasteful words of wisdoms...one of these bullshits-and-wasteful-words-of-wisdom is 'respect the elders (no matter what provocations)'...i believe the reasoning behind this brilliant words-of-'wisdom' is the fact that elders are elder (age-wise), thus they have vast collections of wisdom through personal experience in life, well as compared to us the youngsters the midgets-in-years-and-experience...

while i believe this is true, to certain extent, and various other cultures also have similar idiom and belief, there is also the 'lesson-not-learned-factor'...let me explain that in details...how many of us have make various mistakes, only to repeat the same offense in future date?...well...there you go...i admit we do learn from our own mistakes but i also like to point out that there are also many mistakes that we keep on repeating without learning from previous experiences...

we are human, we make mistakes and we do make the same mistakes again and again...so...my whole point from this long long long rant is that not every elder is wise...yes, we should all respect everyone, disregarding their age, because well, we live on the same soil, breathe the same air, eat the same food (unless you don't eat) and yada yada yada...respect is mutual...we give them, we also have to earn them back...

this whole case point is dedicated to one of my 'dearest' elderly family member...she (ooopppsss, i gave that one away) is the most annoyingly stupid elderly woman on earth...she doesn't respect my family especially her own son, my father (opppsss, another hint giveth away)...i don't really care about how she never respect my mom and us the children (well i do but we are not important enough in her hierarchy of 'important family members', so, i will strive not to care like my sisters and brother)...but i really care about my baba...he is a loving father who dedicate his time and resources to us, the children...an apt example of fatherly dedication: me...

anyway, she had insulted, demoralized, bad-gossiping, looked-down-upon us the whole family so many times, we all already lost count...one of the things that i will always remember: she will tell to everyone (who may or may not want to know/listen) that she got '2 precious brilliant sons who are great doctors'...what about my father?...what about my father who make time to visit her and take her to breakfast every week? (when her doctor sons usually probably visit her 2 times in 3 months)...what about my father who forced my mother to take care of her when she was in the hospital when she didn't even care about my mother when she gave birth to us or visit my mother when she was hospitalized repeatedly in the past?...what about my father who helped her a lot of times financially when her business was in trouble?...what about my father who...anyway, you get my point...

i simply don't respect her...i never actually respect her...she is not a respectable person...she is not wise aka stupid as she always put her 'doctor sons' on pedestal while disregarding my father who loves and respects her...she always expect us to put her on priority while she never even give us a glance when her rich sons are around...while we are not rich, we love each other (excluding 'her royal snooty highness')...well, i sound bitter but i am bitter...while i managed to forget about her 99% of the times when i was in auckland, i can't exactly ignore her when she is being slapped on my face 24/7 here at home...this is a great example where the idiom 'respect your elders' doesn't actually work for all...this particular elder doesn't deserve respect...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

my brother, the fondler...yes, you read me, the fondler...my brother used to have this habit of fondling the corner of his pillow before before he went to sleep when he was small...it was a weird, almost-perverted, annoying and misunderstood habit of all time...at least, in this family you bet it is!....

he just had to fondle a corner of a pillow for him to be able to settle and sleep...as far as i know, he may probably still have that habit...then again, who am i to know...unless i can spy on him...hmmm...anyway, he got annoyed when his pillow case is the fitted type...you know, the one with no extra lining on the sides so there could be no extra cloth that he can fondle...

ewww....i need to re-word myself....fondle sounds a bit urghh...anyway, my mom and jaja were talking about things and mama was reminiscing about aboy's weird habit...i still remember that he even demanded baba to fondle the corner of his pillow just because he was too tired and falling asleep!!!...yes yes, my family comes from a farway planet called 'PLANET WEIRDNESS'....

Sunday, December 19, 2010

we all love to hate...well, at least i do...it's like, when we see someone famous, say justin beiber or taylor swift perhaps, we would make some sort of remark (or at least think) like 'i'm sure he/she is a druggie/drunk/promiscuous/smoke like no tomorrow' or something like that....it's petty jealousy, madam, loud and clear...

we cannot help to be green with envy....what's not to hate?...these celebrities are young, beautiful, rich and famous...they have all the things we think we would love to have...at very least, the bank department is what we would all love to have...

we would also probably be extra judgmental....like when we see some young artists wearing these cute little top, we would make a comment like 'she look fat in that!...she should diet/find another stylist/develop some fashion sense/kill herself'...the truth is, it doesn't matter...all of us, be it a fashion icon or ordinary person will make a mistake fashion-wise one time or another...always...but the most important point is we have to be confidant in the clothes and accessories we are wearing...

i digress...the thing is, we find fault in others...you would be lying if you claim that you are not judgmental...what matters is how to respond to our inner 'judgmentalism'...we can either indulge in bitching that other party (which we will truthfully do once in a while) or shut the hell up and keep it to ourselves (or if you are extra smart, blog/tweet it)...in the end, we all deserve to exercise our freedom of speech and all that *wink wink*

one thing i noticed about laziness is, it breeds laziness...as in, once you stop being productive aka lazy aka wasting space and oxygen, you tend to become lazy in the future...for example, i used to do a lot of things....sure, a lot of people never notice me and may thought that i did not do anything in high school, but they were wrong...i got a lot of certificates to prove how productive i was in my spare time...well, i might put away one to two hours of sleep after afternoon prep session, but all in all, i managed not to waste tax-payers' money by wasting away doing nothing in high school....

lately, i noticed that i am not so productive...okay, not productive...at all...i don't help mama at housekeeping...i don't help anyone...basically, i laze around watching tv and reading ebooks...i am so totally wasted, urgghh, wasting space and money and anything that a human being essentially need...i wonder if a human can be recharged, like a battery so that this particular human can be active again...and i don't mean by food....or recycled for renewal...or thrown away, like rubbish that i am becoming...well, that's what jaja likes to say anyway...all the time...

right now, at this particular moment, i am thinking to putting together a list...me and my list, i know i know...like, in between being a useless human being, i may be able to do something else, like performing lobotomy on myself perhaps...nah....too much effort...

Saturday, December 18, 2010

on a happy note, i have turned into a crazed 15-year-old teeny-booper...i fell in love with a k-pop boy band with a vengeance....what time is it now?....it's time for 2PM!!!!!!....I LOVE THEM!!!...LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!...i don't care!!!...i have become an ultimate stalker but hey, what ever that rocks my boat right????hahaha...check them out ^^

it's ironic when we go around trying to find what fits us, things that make us happy and fulfilled when sometimes, just sometimes, what we want is just in front of us...along the way we make so many mistakes, some we learned from, most we don't even realize we've committed them...only when we make these particular mistakes over and over again, then we pay attention...

realistically, i made a lot of mistakes...and i will continue to do them... regrettably, in doing these mistakes, they cost me time, money and a lot of regrets...i disappointed a lot of people, particularly my own self...however, in retrospective, i don't want to continue to wallow in regrets that i am completely blinded by the future...

there is a saying, 'look behind, then continue to walk forward'...well, i am going to do that...i will look at my past so far and learn from it...i will continue to carve my own future so i can give back...to my family who has an infinite of patience and faith in me...to the government who gave me second, third and even fourth chances to start over...to my friends who continue to support me in all of my decisions, be them good or bad....

lastly, i want to believe myself again...i want to believe in the future....i want to have faith, blind faith that everything will be alright...i want to put my best two feet forward and put a lot of effort to succeed...i want to have my optimism back...in the end, i just want to want again...it has been so long since i have any semblance of ambition that i became pessimistic and all i did was just going in with the flow...may Allah bless me in my future endeavor...i believe that i have come full circle....

it has been a while ^^ i feel like i have millions of things to share...however, i seem to have lost any semblance of eloquence...anyway, life has been hectic lately...it has taken another twist and i am determined to follow my new path through with effort and optimism...yes, yes this is vague...i will share more as i go along :)

Friday, October 8, 2010

every time time i read a political piece (news, blog etc etc), i get a major headache...politicians are a corrupt breed...one way or another each one of them has done/is doing/will do one of these things:

moral corruption - affairs, mistresses, bribe etc

illegal activities - threatening, killing, hurting etc

anyway, i am never a political aficionado...i don't dig deep and if you dip into my psyche, you can see a shallow pool of shallowness...so...no politics for me please...i'm dizzy from just looking at the title...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

sometimes it bugs me, that word 'asian'...it is such a generalisation...it's quite unfair to term all people from the Asian continent as 'asian' when it is the largest continent, thus holds quite a number of world population...when i see an online poll, something like 'which ethnicity you identify yourself with' or some official forms where you have to tick your ethnicity, the multiple choices are almost always: caucasian (white supremacy anybody?), african american, hispanic, chinese, indian, asian...

what the heck?...is japanese similar to indonesian, let's say....or malay indonesian similar to malay malaysian...or the aborigines of each nation there is similar to another aborigines...can you not at least be aware that south east asians, like the thais, malays, cambodians, filipinos and others are definitely not the same...we don't speak the same language...we don't eat the same food (while there are similarities, i acknowledge that food across the world have similarities due to world trade back then and internet nowadays)...we don't have the same culture...we don't look the same...basically we are all different...wait...even the spellings differ (unless you can't read, so this post defeats its purpose)...

i also do acknowledge that it is easier to put 'asian' for us the 'asians', rather than list 1000+ of ethnicities...but can you not put 'others' so you do realise that there are other ethnicities out there?...i am an asian, true, but no one will ever ever mistaken me for a japanese or korean or thai or manchurian...what would say, an american or british or australian say if they have to fill a form for ethnicity and the only choice they have is 'american' or something like that?...i don't think american is even an ethnicity...it's a country for god's sake!...so put yourself in 'our' asian's boat...take note, asia is a continent, not an ethnicity...

anyway, we all have to be aware and this classification gives off the impression of self absorbance, lack of intelligence or ignorance...it's simply shameful when a government official form reflects one or all of these 3 impressions...

Saturday, October 2, 2010

..............well, i have it 10 seconds ago, but it flew right out my brain box...........

i am accident prone...i hate it but it happens...i am always extra careful....like when it rains outside, i make sure i wear the right shoes so i won't slip...i will walk slowly and carefully...in my head, there is this demented bunny voice repeating 'i WILL not fall, i WILL not fall, i WILL not fall'...and yes, ironically, i will fall, at least 1/5 times...i don't know why...i think God wants to teach me something...some subliminal message that, up until now, i still fail to comprehend...

anyhow, my friends have taken into their hands to make sure i don't fall...when i go out with them, they will always remind me to be careful and hold my arm...sure enough, i have fallen at least once in front of them...these 2 incidents will always be vivid in my mind...one happened during my salad days....i was walking at the sidewalk on symonds street, at the corner of mount street...out of nowhere, with light pedestrian traffic and no strong wind gusting to blow me away, i fell...fell like an old mildewed log...fell like humpty-dumpty...no falling like a hollywood starlet for me, no sire!...the second one was while i was on the way to grafton for my morning class years ago...i fell into the fresh muck...it was cold, windy, rainy and miserable...yes, i did missed my morning class...

the moral of this story is: being careful is not enough...fate has its own way to intervene...so...i just do my best and pray hard that i would never ever fall in disgrace in front of my friends, ever again...i just fall behind their backs...hehehe...

Friday, October 1, 2010

to counter my depression (i've been sleeping hours and hours last week, i need to snap out of it!) and sickness (major major headache and hot-cold feeling), i'll share my menu for next week...believe me, you don't read it wrong...it's my NEXT week menu, as in the whole week...i tend to cook for the whole week basis nowadays...i'm truly overwhelmed with study and assignments to spend hours and hours everyday at the kitchen....

anyway, i'm cooking spaghetti and prawn, plain sambal (i absolutely cannot live without sambal) and deep fried prawn in my special batter (that means anything i feel like adding in the batter)...and peas...i have no idea what to do with the frozen mint peas i have, but i really really need my peas therapy...okay... ciao!over and out!

i was very very depressed this week...nothing seemed to make me better, but i'm resolved to be happier...i have this song playing over and over in my head suddenly...ah for your information this is one of my all time favourites...let me introduce you to my all time favourite:

Saturday, September 25, 2010

it's a serious disease...it's pathology is yet to be known...it's a psychological disease whereby one is addicted to sadness...in the forms of songs, dramas, movies and yes, music videos (mv)...in the case of patient H (harley - name omitted to protect person involved), she is observed to be dedicating at least 30 minutes of her day to listening to depressing songs or watching depressing music videos...she is known to list sad songs as her favourites...

for example, her latest so-called 'favourites' include ft island - love love love (which is a song about a guy letting go of his loved one), big bang - tell me goodbye (a song about a guy protecting his loved one by leaving her) and taeyang - wedding dress (a song with a theme of a beloved marrying another guy)...all of these songs is themed around hopelessness of love...the music videos of these songs (also patient H's current favourites) are so dark, it's filled with the feeling of depression and sadness...

patient H is currently showing a tendency to cry at slightest provocation when she is alone...she is waiting for a more conclusive diagnosis and better treatment than indulging to more sad songs and music videos...ah, patient H also has a history of crying at a lilo and stitch (disney) movie during lilo's-older-sister-was-explaining-to-lilo-that-she-would-always-be-lilo's family scene...

i don't know why but i am deeply fascinated with newspaper headings...and transferring that to my whole life...do you know what i am talking about?...no?...if you don't, now is the time to go and have your head checked, as i am pretty sure you are screwed...nah...i don't even know what i am talking about...err...anyway, my favourite is crossing-the-road-heading...i am a crazy woman who thinks people will give a damn if i die or hurt in a motor accident...like a painter you know...those painters have to die before people recognize their genius, but in my case, minus the genius, just the lunatic...

anyway (clap clap clap to my favourite word of all time), when i am crossing a road, especially here in auckland, i always feel like my life is flashing fast forward...fast forward: tomorrow's newspaper heading 'a stupid girl who jaywalked gets hit by a 40 km/h car'...that kind of thing...or 'a girl hospitalised due to serious injury of hitting a slow-speeding car in an attempt to avoid life'...anyyyywayyy (agian, *sigh*), my life is all about newspaper headings...maybe i should post one for every significant heading i think of...it's all about sharing, right????...

Sunday, September 19, 2010

my sisters love babies...the not-yet-talking types...in that, we differ like night and day...i love looking at cute babies, but at lost when it comes to dealing with them...anyway, the whole point is, my sisters love babies...the end.

is anger infectious?...somehow for me it is...when someone gets angry, i got angry too...then somehow i become angrier and angrier...truthfully, i am never a calm person...i get angry easily...but then again, i calm down easily too...for example, this is a conversation i have with my mom some time ago:

mama: do you know, that auntie who sells perfumes is selling this bla bla perfume for bla bla price...but i told her my daughters always give me perfumes as present so i already have one too many...

me: then tell her you are sorry but you are not interested...you are not hurting her feelings, i assure you...

mama: but, i feel guilty nonetheless...

me: are her perfumes cheap?

mama: the A perfume is A dollars...what do you think? (my mama rarely buys perfumes for herself since we love to give her perfumes as present)

me: are you kidding me???...for that price i can buy a whole new liver!...she's cheating you! (somehow i am getting angrier and angrier for nothing)

mama: well, maybe i should just buy one...

me: no ma!...tell her to piss off!!!...old fart!...cheating her own neighbour!....what a bunch of crock shit!...(getting angrier and started to curse and calling names to a blameless, well not so blameless, neighbour who is trying to make a sale)

see?...i get angry without appropriate reasons...all the time...maybe i should try anger management or something...huhuhu...that is why, no one, i repeat, no one should come to me and tell me their tale of woes...because woe betide those who wrong my family or friends, i become veritable tartar who attacks without sufficient provocation...after that i will definitely definitely regret it...somehow my life is filled with past regrets...*sigh*

Friday, September 17, 2010

Big Bang - Tell Me Goodbye

a present for my fellow friends who know how i love this song...the mv is super great!!!...i don't know why i felt like daesung and seungri were super super super awesome and cool in this mv!!!!LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!

this is also a special dedication to rachel, who share my love of all things korean and b, who loves big bang like there's no tomorrow (with an exception of ft island)...

okay, i have another psychotic habit to getting into something so enthusiastically that i end up not finishing/ending it or losing interest halfway through...for example, this blog is a testament of this habit...there will be one period when i write and share non stop of everything i see or feeling and there will be a time where silence or absence is the word...during the incessant burst of ideas, i have so much thought i scarcely know where to put these ideas...it's crazy and my writings become really haphazard...when i don't feel like sharing or writing, well, there will be nothing...nothing as in no anything...zip..nada...

another example is watching movies...i would really get crazy in wanting to watch a movie based on rave reviews i hear from friends/media that i go to great lengths in finding the movie...especially if the movie is an old one or unaccessible for some reasons at that particular time...once i got hold of the movie (either from a streaming site or downloading it illegally), i will watch probably around 10 minutes of the opening, then start skipping it until i reach the end...skipping is an attention disorder effect whereby one watches about 15 seconds of a movie/drama scene before moving on to another 10 seconds of further scene and so on...or put watching the rest of the movie on hold, which turns into forever...or skipping for steamy scenes (hey i am human after all) or funny ones or romantic ones...or skipping randomly for around 5 minutes before giving up for altogether...

this habit hold true to dramas too...from about 10 dramas i start watching, i will end up watching about 2 until the very end...even the 2 doesn't deserve the cavalier treatment they get...i will avidly watch first few episodes before starting the 'skipping' habit of watching only a few episodes or a few minutes per episode...the ones i like, i mean really intensely like, will probably escape this death by negligence....however, be aware that the ones that i intensely like are so rare i can safely say that i have probably watch about 10 to 15 dramas in my lifetime that i watch until the end (the 'skipping' habit included in this number)....

that's why when i really want to do something, it's the best if i do it immediately...if not, i will definitely lose interest and bam, bye bye whatever i fell in love with at the moment...that is also why when i want to write something i will immediately write, even if it doesn't make sense (which most probably contribute to 99% of gibberish you can find in this blog huhuhu)...and no, i rarely really recheck my post for errors simply because i lose interest after posting it...hohoho...that's who i am...love-them-leave-them kinda person hohoho...i'm commitment phobic...i'm getting help...say in 10 years?

i'm a believer that people who are close to me (friends and family) should read my feelings from my speech and body language...yes, it's ridiculous....i mean, heck, i read too much into things when i see my close friends or family (content of speech, from their body movement, facial expressions, tone of voice, details like that), i twist things around, thinking that things are more that they are...but hey, if that's how my world rocks, it works...err...i don't even know what blather i am talking about now...

anyway, i am an insensitive fool who wants people to understand the subliminal message that i send from my tone or subtle content in my response or my body language...but guess what?...people just don't care...i mean, come on....if you want to say something just scream it across... subtlety never, urhmm, rarely pays...if you want to tell you friends to buzz off, just tell them, respectfully mind you, to buzz off...if you want your parents to pay attention, repeat your message over and over, again respectfully...there's no need to be rude...

talking straight is the best way to communicate...but somehow, as we grow older, we are less prone to telling the truth and twist things around so much that the other person doesn't get what you really mean...i blame this on political correctness and respecting people's sensitivity and feelings...but realistically, i do this all the time...it's hard to disregard other people's feelings...i want people to take care of mine so i have to take care of theirs...

anyway, the take home message is, sometimes there are circumstances that we have to straighten our spine and do some straight talking...beating around the bush will only frustrate you further and make you want to pluck every hair follicle you have on your armpits and in the end of the day, the other person doesn't even get the whole point!...i admit i am cowardly, but sometimes, just sometimes, i do find the right words and say it...things don't get any easier or more difficult than speaking your mind truthfully...say it and the truth will set you free...or make an enemy out of an old friend, depending on the situation -_-"

Friday, September 10, 2010

okay, this has nothing to do with Eid, but heck i will say my piece or keep my silence and die...malaysians especially the malays have the tendency to spell things wrongly (let's forget about grammar and vocabs, i make mistakes too)...one thing that always always always get on my nerves is: spelling thingz instead of things (substituting an 's' with a 'z')...what the heck???...i mean, i do sometimes text my friends 'help me plzzzz' but that's the extent of 'z' addiction i have...

but 'i hate to say this, but thingz are heating up here!he's soooo hotz!!!this drama is so best!!!'...first of all, that is so highschool-ish...'hotz'????...never in my dreams that my english teacher will allow me to add a 'z' on hot with a thumb's up, unless she has been kidnapped into an alternate universe of 'z'...secondly, 'so best'?...arghh...i admit, i do direct translation too, but come on!...do take 20 seconds and read your post again before hitting the 'save' button!!!!....it will save u a lot of grief!!...

p/s: remind me to talk about english-ized malay words another time...you know, spelling malay words the english way...like spelling 'korang' 'korukz'...heck, 'korang' is a street word in the first place...it probably doesn't exist in the dictionary...but korunkz????...it's so wrong it breaks all 11 rules of language (wrong wrong wrong 11x)...

Saturday, September 4, 2010

okay, this is totally unrelated to those who are don't even care about korean entertainment industry but since i do, it's my right to say what i like...first, after watching quite a few variety shows, i must admit ALMOST ALL SNSD (that's Girl's Generation) MEMBERS HAVE NO PERSONALITY, NOT INTERESTING & IMMATURE...in other words, just plain boring....i know they are young, i make allowances for that, but for the fact that at the same show, there were other younger celebrities who come out as very interesting, they stood out as dull fish...they are...especially yoona...no offense...they are JUST PLAIN BORING....stick to performance guys...or develop some personality...i sound evil, but it's true!...watch them in live shows...just plain BORING!....

one thing that always always astound and stump me is how korean celebrities only get married when they have a bun in their oven....you know what i mean right?...well, maybe it's a generalized statement but come on....if i make a list of korean celebs who marry when they/their gfs are 3 to 5 months old pregnant and charge a dollar for each couple, i could potentially pay my school fees and loans!...

anyway, the main issue that remains mysterious to me is how about half of these couples are very public about their love and affection...wait, the story is hanging there...continuation: how they coo and mooch their love forever and ever in shows and such but only hold a wedding when a baby is on its way...'i love you and you love me and we are one happy oooopppsy oppa, i'm preggie! we are in a world of trouble now! let's make it official before this become a problem of epic proportion!'...

another thing is, sometimes, some of them are together for such long time, people even forgot that they are together!...hey, if you can be together for 3 to 10 years, or even live together for that amount of time, why not tie the knot?...i heard it's very traditional there in korea, where marriage is still being held sanctity...if you can make a baby, either accidental (don't you know abstaining is the best contraception?...i thought people learned it in school, not in malaysia though...that's another story) or not (can you not just wait a bit until the i's dotted and t's crossed?), that means you have a healthy sex life as it is, what's the difference between getting married or eventually get married when one gets pregnant?

anyhow, it's not my problem and these korean celebs don't even know or care about me and my opinions...i'm just stumped by the sheer stupidity of it...i don't care if anyone gets pregnant before marriage...i don't care if they get married...i mean hey, it's their life, their choice....but the number of korean celebs getting married and boom!, a baby 2 to 4 months later, just astounds me...why?...just tell me why!...why do you guys keep doing this?...it's like sending a message to others:

Friday, September 3, 2010

anyone who knows me knows i love anything korea...korean dramas, movies and songs, i love them all...well, mostly...anyway, naturally i am fascinated with koreans...in auckland, it's like a mini korea, where there are koreans everywhere...i've met lots of koreans but talked to so few of them...one guy, i've seen him so many times in uniguide and ambassador (uni of auckland's programmes that i've done for 2 years, so far), but i've never got the chance to talk to him...

see, there are too many of us, uniguides and ambassadors, i mean...but one thing for sure, only about 1/4 keep coming back (like ole me!)...so, i got my chance about a few days ago...my friend joyce knows him...so when we saw him trying to get in the locked-out clock tower (one of uni's buildings), we tried to help him...while waiting for help, i, being a shameless person that i am, told him how obsessed i am in all things korea...he kinda understood and even entertained me by doing korean imitations...

you see, a few days ago i saw a clip of a korean movie by one of my favourite actor...this actor used to study in auckland a few years back...so, he can speak english reasonably well, with korean accent of course...in this movie he was an american (a second generation korean in america)....he spoke english all the time...but this story wasn't about him...it's about another character, who was also a korean american...he ran with the wild american crowd which cursed a lot...but, funnily, his english was sooo accented, instead of 'fuck!', it sounded very much like 'foook!'...it was damned hilarious!

thus, when i told this korean-descent guy i met at ambassador, he imitated korean accented english and started going 'well, fook you!!!!you mootha fakka!!!'...it was a moment to remember forever...kamsamida!!!!...chuwaeyo!!!!....it was awesome!!!...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

something i'm pretty sure almost all people cannot stand is people who don't take care after themselves...well, i'm, as i said earlier, pretty sure, almost all people can't stand these kind of people....i mean, i know i am definitely not perfect...i leave my messes around for other people to clean up to, intentionally or not...but one thing i would definitely definitely NEVER do is leave my shit or pee around....yes, this is crude at the basest level...you want to know why?....why, it never pay to be subtle when i want to get my message across....

i'm done with these kind of people...it's disgusting...don't you ever notice the lever for water pump in the toilet?...you know, the thing you press when you the toilet to clean your leavings...it's called a flush and you press it down for water to come from the pump into the toilet bowl...if you shit is proven to be too hard to clean up the first time, please please please learn the virtue of cleanliness and patience by waiting for the water pump to be refilled....then you press it again and repeat the process until all of your shit are all cleaned up, as in none, absolutely NO shit is left in the bowl...seriously, no one wants to come to a toilet to see some streak of shit lying somewhere around the toilet bowl...it's filthy and disgusting...please, don't you ever learn how to clean up after yourself when you were small?...

do you think someone will gladly clean up your shit?...even the cleaner who are being paid to clean up the toilet doesn't deserve to do it...they are being paid to clean, yes, but not YOUR shit...they are paid to clean the whole toilet in general, as in when the toilet has been used one too many times, it definitely is now officially dirty than shit itself and needs to be thoroughly cleaned....cleaning up individual messes is NOT anyone's job...it's your own job to clean your own shit...you make the shit, you clean it...and don't let me start on pee...

yes, pee...don't you ever checked whether the water is all clear after you've departed your pee (i don't even know why i used that word, i'm just raging here)?...pee is smelly and not flushing means the pee smell will get stronger and lingers in the damned bathroom...so, please...learn to flush...twice if you are unsure...yes, this may sound so un-environmental friendly and wastes water, but hey, i'd rather waste water than let people deal with my own damned pee...it's majorly gross and so wrong in all level that i feel like chocking the person who does this with his/her own pee...remember, leave clear fresh smelling water in the toilet, not pee-yellowy urinal smelly water!...

i know it's a public toilet but if all learn to clean after themselves, people like me can bear to use it...as it is, i always always unhealthily wait until i get home to do the small or big job, unless i cannot take it any longer...ah, and my last advice on this topic, please please please wipe the toilet seat after you used it...or if you are in malaysia, hose it with water, twice...i don't want my butt to do some indirect skinship with yours...it's unhygienic...and much much much yucky!...arghh...DO LEARN THESE 2 THINGS:

FLUSH UNTIL ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS LEFT!

WIPE/HOSE DOWN THE TOILET SEAT!

life is too short for me to deal with people's shit and pee...i'd rather eat my own shit or drink my own pee than clean up after you disgusting people!

new month, new resolution...actually, i'm sticking to my previous resolution...the reason of this post?....well, it's to tell the whole world what a cheat i am...yes, i am a copycat...i copy a lot of things...i cook the meal my friends cooked the day before...i listen to songs i heard on a friend's playlist...i write things i get inspiration from other places...basically, there's almost nothing original about me..that's it...i am doomed to in the land of un-originality and banality (the latter is another story for another day)...

Monday, August 30, 2010

i saw my first public bashing ever a few days ago...well, not much bashing going on as far as i can see...these group of boys were surrounding this one boy and pushing him around...the boy being surrounded was very vocal and kept screaming 'fuck you!!!' amongst other things...i was walking past and the place was isolated...these bullies kept shushing the bullied boy while eyeing me....me, being a scaredy cat that i am, called the security...anyway, the moral of the story is: never walk in an isolated place...erhmm, and help people who are in need...and do not bully other people...sheesh, stop judging me!....hahahaha...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

why does one call drinking beer 'nursing a beer'?....the whole thing totally escapes me...one associates nursing as taking care and being extremely caring and careful...what's taking care has to do with beer?...drinking 20 tall ones with friends make you go drunk, depending on your tolerance level, not extremely caring...weird...where does that phrase coined from?...one thing i don't need to think about but i just can't help to...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

feminists are forever bleating about woman's rights to equality (oppss, not bleating, that's too harsh, campaigning is more like it) and independence...while i agree with them, and enjoying the fruit of their labours, i also have the female dependence tendency...being never experiencing as a half of someone (boyfriendless to be more apt), i have always done things by myself, or with friends or family...

a lot of my girl friends keep on saying that they prefer to pay half of things and some such when they are on a date...me?...i would really really really love to be a mercenary bitch and have my boyfriend/husband to pay for me...it's not that i'd rather shop and enjoy his money (i would actually), i would rather do something i love like operating a cake/shoe shop and shop and enjoy his money at the same time!!!!...hahahaha....

well, i envy those who got chocolates, teddy bears, cakes, clothes or whatever from their boyfriends...i know i would reciprocate by buying my other half some thoughtful gifts, but getting one will be a whole new experience for me...i love giving gifts and it goes that i love getting them...sadly, i've never gotten a perfume or something really really really surprising from anyone...

i love the presents i've gotten from my family and friends, but i rarely gotten things i really love...wait!...i remember now, a few years ago i've gotten a gift voucher from a bookstore from my friends syafiq and marie...i love them for it :) ....i want a boyfriend who gives me thoughtful gifts like that...i'd better count my prayers then huhuhu...

'we make plans, God laughs at them'...never truer words spoken...i am the ultimate list-maker...yes, the Queen of list, that's who i am...i make lists for everything...lists make my world go world...anyway, the thing about my lists are, they are just something i do...i make lists...it doesn't mean i follow them...most of the time, the lists are never completed...somehow, from the time i make lists (i remember it was way back then, when i was 9 years old, no, it wasn't that long ago, wasn't it?...i'm still young!!!), i used to follow them faithfully...

somehow, as age creeps in i never seem to manage to complete my list...i admit, sometimes the items on the list are incredibly unrealistic...like, can a normal average 20-year-old manage to complete 30 items on a list in a day???...and to add pain to the injury, i always get derailed by some other things that are not even in the list...take today for example, i am supposed to vacuum my room, do my laundry and visit lucien at starship...somehow, none of those things are done...i did managed to clean my bathroom though...weird...it wasn't even in the stupid list!!!...that happens a lot...how i do other things that i am supposed to do...

i have this feeling of calm before a storm...i don't know why...it's too peaceful today, well apart of getting anxiety-ridden news of my whole family contracting high fever and my dad being hospitalised for it (i'm not marginalising the news, it's just that, it's private, so i'm keeping the rest of it to myself)....my life is never peaceful...it's full of things-i-need-to-do-now-but-again-i'm-late-in-doing-them kind of crisis...i wonder...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

one thing i rarely rarely rarely do, no matter how stupendous or marvelous that particular item is, is watching a movie/film/drama that i've already watched...even if i watch that particular movie/film/drama cursorily, i will almost never watch it again...even if i rave on and on and on about that movie/film/drama, i will still watch it just that once...i can count with one hand for how many times i re-watch something....if i do tell someone i do, then it's 99.9999% assured that i lie, gracefully....

i think, as far as i can remember, the only movies/dramas i re-watch are 'the nanny' (coz my sisters love it so, so i'm kinda forced to watch it, but then again franny fine never fails to crack me up, anytime), 'my wife and kids' (again, the same reason) and 'spongebob'....as for 'spongebob', that u need to hear...i never particularly like it, or attached to it...it's just i was there and i was bored and i had nothing to do, so i had to watch it, again, with my fellow 'spongebob'-crazy siblings...anyhow, that's it...i have attention span of a dog...or pardon me, attention span of an animal with non-existing attention span...

By today, I have depended and is still depending on a lot of people to go on...Life is difficult for me right now...I know 99% of these difficulties can be blamed on me...I am still learning and still is making a lot of huge mistakes...But as someone close to me said 'this is not the end, there is more difficult things ahead'...I know this...But still, now this is the most difficult thing I have to face...

I am very thankful I am stronger than before...I have faith, I don't feel useless (I do but I am trying hard not to think that way)...In the future, all these can be written as part of my memoir (I am pretty sure no one cares, but who cares?!!!...It's my life, my story, no matter how stinky or uneventful it is)...

Anyway, I have been given endless chances by Allah SWT and other people...I will never be forgetful...However, I want to take this time and chance, while I am still standing here, breathing on this merciful earth to be thankful...I am thankful to ever merciful Allah SWT...I am thankful for my life, no matter how horrible I made it...

I am thankful to my ever forgiving and loving mama and baba...I will keep this moment in my time and I promise I will give my all to give this all back...

I am thankful to my sister Jaja, who always listen and who is always the voice of strength and practicality...

I am thankful to my other siblings Gegel, Alin and Aboy, who always pick up the phone to listen to my ramblings and make me feel good when I feel really down...

I am thankful to Nenek Maridah, who loves me...I love you so much Nenek...I am sorry I am such a bad granddaughter...

I am thankful to Nia, whom I tell everything, who force me to face this, whom I really love...

I am thankful to Dora, who is always kind while I am definitely not and who always find something good to look for...

I am thankful to Fazan, who is the voice of reason, who help me see things clearly...

I am thankful to Yaya, who dispenses hugs all around and promises me a spot as her bridesmaid even I am such a horrible friend...

I am thankful to Rachel, who always cheers me up with her sense of humour and generosity...

I am thankful to Joyce, who takes care of me when I am in need...

I am thankful to Evie, who gives and gives and always make time for me...

I am thankful to all the nice people who make me smile or pave my way for me...I love all of you, and thank you for always forgiving me...

I am not perfect...I will always alway make mistakes...For that, I am sorry...No matter what, I will love all of you...

Friday, August 6, 2010

Dora asked me a few days ago of characteristics of my ideal man...Coming from someone who has never have even a real crush, never mind a boyfriend, I am quite free with my ideals...They are foolish and yes, very ideal...I listed lots of characteristics...Somehow, all of these characteristics wind up to describing fidelity, responsibility and honesty...

I just realize one thing that I should really really want in a man, happiness...He should promise me happiness...I know it's too vague and impossible, but ideally, my man should want my happiness above all else...He should want to strive to give me everlasting happiness...Why else I want to be with him when happiness is so elusive lately?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

my life now officially enters a new low...i am so bored out of my skull, i read and watch really random stupendous things online...yes, yes i know, i should exercise and go out instead...but i am a) officially in broke-dom, thus, heavily dependent on credit and my friends' charity b) a lazy cow who moo whenever she has to move one measly muscle c) did i say i overextend, credit-wise?...

anyway, even the internet fails to entice me out of boredom, so here i am blogging about boredom...isn't it fun?...life is full of little mysteries....

for some reason, i found sheeps extremely fascinating at the moment...i don't know why...they smell, they acted stupid (no offense sheep, i am stupid too) and they are sooo not cute in real life (as compared to the plush toys)...but they are compelling for some reason...hmm...

Sunday, July 25, 2010

if there is one weird thing in my life right now, right at this moment (well, my life is full of weirdness, let's just say i live in weirdom), it's comments that i don't understand...let me explain that...i don't speak chinese...the things i know about the language can be fit on my smallest fingertip...that means, i understand almost nothing...well, i do know how to say 'how are you?' (ni hao) or 'thank you' (xie xie) or 'where are you?' (ni xu na li) or 'stupid' (pentan) (funny that people almost always teach you the curse words first from any others) and some other random stuff i picked up from songs, dramas, movies and friends...but that's just it...i still CANNOT speak or read it...

anyhow, lately i found it weird that i start getting comments in chinese...it's not offensive (courtesy of google translate, at least the meanings of the comments sounded inoffensive from the only source of translation i have at the moment)...it's not rude...it's not bad or anything...just weird...i wonder where i get all these chinese readers from...guys, if u read this post, i don't mean to be mean or offensive (gah!that word again!) or bad or anything...i just found it mysterious that i have readers whom i don't know!...hahahaha...here i thought i write random stuff that is not read by anybody but me (and some handful of friends and family)...

anyway, if u guys do read this, i would really really appreciate if u comment in english so i can reply :) ...it's fun to read comments!...i am really excited, like really crazy excited, when i see there is some sort of reaction to what i write...xie xie (did i get this right?)!!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

there is this special species of human in this world...they usually exist in small communities such as rural areas, small towns and villages...at least that's how the term came about...in malay they are called 'kampung' or a direct translation 'village'...a good way to describe this species called 'kampung' are people who get emotional very easily, who are always envious of everyone, who blame on everyone except, yes of course, themselves and gossiping busybodies who talk about everyone's skeletons excepting, of course, theirs...there are a slew of other descriptions of these kind of people but the previous descriptions are more than apt...

anyway, i despise those who have a 'kampung' mentality and act like one...it's not because they are from rural areas...noooo...most of them are even born and bred city people!...it's more likely because the harm people, intentionally or not...and they don't know how to keep their mouths shut at appropriate times...and because they never realize that all humans make mistakes and have weaknesses...and they also will never ever realize to look closer to home, that we ourselves share equal blame of most things that happen in our miserable lives, unless it's shoved down their throats...

my extended family is full of this species...i'm not going to name names but suffice to say, they are full of envious vipers who have 'kampung' mentality, no matter how high their educations are or how full of '000000 there are in their bank accounts...basically, they are miserable low-lives who care only about themselves and acted 'kampung'...i am always full of anger when it comes to the topic of my extended family....somehow, i have become one of them...becoming one of the ones with 'kampung' mentality...i had raised my voice in anger when talking to them...i had casted blames...

well, i am making a new resolution...no more 'kampung' mentality...i am shaming myself that way and somehow, since these 'kampung' people never even realize how full of hatred i am, i am frustrating myself further...i better use my sisters strategy, indifference...indifference is worse than hate...wait...i'm too rash for that...maybe i should change my strategy to 'bitch strategy'...will update u guys on that soon!!!!...hahahaha!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

my baby sister is in her teenage-hood...that means crying over random things...she justified that by saying 'i'm in a sensitive stage (in my life)'....some examples:

she cried when she accidentally bought a tester facial moisturizer...yes, a very justifiable reason to cry....

she cried a river on her kak jaja's pillow when some idiot clownish of a guy snickered behind his hand, calling her 'pondan' (that's transvestite for you) when he saw her wobbling in her brand new 4 inch black heels at the store...i was there...yes, even the most stoic man cries when someone calls him 'pondan'...

she cried hard when she was convinced that she is fat...i blamed her bitch of friends...her friends are reed thin...they look like sticks walking...no shape to speak of...no boobs and hips and butt...as compared to her, she indeed looked fat...she is actually very very normal as her weight falls in the almost underweight category for her height...i am very fat...i don't cry over it...she did actually cry over her 'fatness'....well, her friends are bitches and she is at the sensitive stage....

my little boy had once said 'baba is underwear' when we (or mama) asked him where baba currently was at that time...it's supposed to be 'baba is on the way'...we live and learn...well, he lives and learns...

for some reasons (unknown, of course), i used to be absolutely convinced that the pronunciation of 'bic', the stationary brand as 'beech'...that leads me to almost never pronouncing it, at least in public...coz, u know, it sounds like 'bitch'...once in a while, i make the stupidest mistake and say it out, loud and proud, in public...in auckland, no less....last year, our orientation pack (auckland uni's student association is ever so nice...they give out orientation packs every freaking year) contained some nice stuff...i remember some food (instant noodles?), stationary pack and some other cool freebies (unlike this year!)...

the thing i like the most from the freebies is the stationary pack...who doesn't love that???...it's free!...and everyone, i repeat, every worthy student uses pens and pencils....well, except those who never study, never make notes, never attend classes and never sit for exams...in that case, they are not students...anyway, i digress..i love stationary packs, especially free ones...i collected 2 of them, if i'm not mistaken...

to make a long story short (it's not even a long story, i just love that statement), my friend asked what was contained in the stationary pack...me, the idiot who knows it's embarrassing to say 'bitch', oppps, 'beech' in regards to a stationary brand, said it proudly, 'u know, we got a great pack with abitchpen in it!'....yes, we had gotten 'bitch' of a pen...i'm sure the whole quad heard me...well, at least people within 2 meters radius heard me, if they pay even marginal attention to me...alas...it's 'beek' pen for 'bic'....it has never been 'beech' or 'bitch'...remember 'beek'...'beek'...'beek'...mbeeeekkkkk...that's one of the sheep calling...

Monday, June 28, 2010

one of the thing that sometimes irritate me to no end is PASSIONATE people...no, there's nothing wrong about being passionate...there's no rule or guideline saying it's morally, ehically or even physically wrong....but it's irritating me to have the fact that they are so passionate about something, they practically shove it in my face...ALL THE TIME...for someone who's so rudderless right now, that's major major NO NO in the book of harley...

anyway, ranting aside, uhmmm, no no, no 'ranting aside'...it's irritating....i don't care if u r the cutest thing i saw since nickhun (of 2pm, the korean boyband...i just watched him in 'we got married' a few minutes ago so yeah i'm soooo using him right now)...i don't care if u will become a rich man-eating shark of a lawyer in a year...i just don't freaking CARE...coz i'm 'nothing' relative to their 'something'....so there....at least i justified myself *pet myself on the back with satisfaction*...

i just made another batch of chicken quesadillas...yum yum yum...i'm in the mood to write a simple quesadillas recipe so, here goes...wait...before i proceed, remember this is a very simple recipe and there are thousands of variations of quesadillas so, u can always make ur own version :)

clean boneless chicken breast and dry it with paper towel. then cover the chicken breast under a saran wrap or wax paper and pound it until it's reasonably and uniformly thin. this is so that the chicken is cooked well when grilled.

season chicken breast with Cajun spice and salt. any spices can be used and since i really love Cajun spice, it's my poison of choice :)

oil the grilling pan very lightly so that the chicken does not stick to the pan. grill chicken until well-cooked. when chicken is cooked, spread a layer of barbeque sauce on both surfaces of chicken and grill for about 10 seconds on both sides. remove chicken and cut it to have medium sized chicken strips.

chop the onion crosswise so that u will have semi-circular onion sections. add 1 tablespoon of oil into a pan and sauté onion in low heat until it's light brown (really soft and sweet but not burned). remove the onion for quesadillas assembly later.

how to assemble quesadillas:

on one tortilla, add a layer of onion and chicken strips. sprinkle a bit of barbeque sauce on the filling and add grated cheese until the whole tortilla is covered. add another tortilla on the filling.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

while i was studying just now, i made a playlist of songs that i want to listen...the song 'my name is luca' by susan vega strikes particularly close to my heart...remember that song?...it's beautiful and meaningful...