Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.

Get a Professional Answer

Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.Ask follow up questions if you need to.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Rate the answer you receive.

Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question

TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 3499

Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Professional Coach

64783947

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

TherapistJen is online now

I've been in a friends with benefits situation with a housemate

Customer Question

I've been in a friends with benefits situation with a housemate over the last 5/6 months or so. At first it was only a night or two a week, but then developed into dinner dates, cinema dates, gift buying and staying together almost 5 nights a week. Recently I had a family member pass away and told him I needed a little space, which he seems to have taken very strangely. Since then he has been blowing hot and cold in his behaviour towards me, deliberately upsetting me and then taking steps to make amends.I called him out on it and he admitted it, said he didn't want to hurt me and that the situation was hurting him to, but he doesn't know what he wants from his life. If he didn't feel anything towards me, surely the situation wouldn't be hurting him aswell ? We are having a chat about the whole situation tonight and I just don't know what to do...any kind of advice would be appreciated!

thanks for being so open about your situation and I send condolences on the passing of your family member. It seems clear that he has developed stronger feelings for you even though it started out as casual friends with benefits. It seems now that he desires more and hasn't been able to articulate that but once you asked for space to have some healing time, it kicked these feelings up for him. I would figure out what you feel for him and want with him so that when you have the talk you an bring it all out in the open and be forthright about how you both feel and then you can decide together if this is something worth pursuing. I do hear a lot of caring feelings for the other, so sit with that, see how that feels for you and then be open with him and ask him to do the same. The hot and cold has been because he hasn't been able to be open about his feelings. Now is the chance for both of you.

Ask a Counsellor

Get a Professional Answer. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.

Counsellors are Online Now

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

characters left:

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.