Forecasting Britney

As you know, she’s single again. Jason Trawick is no longer her boyfriend/conservator/business manager/baby-sitter. That position is now vacant. Which, I mean, it’s sad, totally, on so many levels. Because anyone who falls in love with her -- if one can truly fall in love with Britney Spears through the haze of all her meds -- would have to assume not only the role of boyfriend/fiancé/husband, in quick succession, but also the responsibility of being her governor. And still, this woman who’s not legally capable of... living independently... still they’re actually thinking of putting her on stage, several times a week, in Vegas, for a long-term residency.

Is it Sad Smut?

It should be.

But is it?

No.

Why?

Because they won’t let it be Sad Smut!

They should have called it Sad Smut four years ago and let her retire in anonymity in Louisiana.

Instead, they’re squeezing her dry, because Britney can still make money. A LOT of money.

I promise you baby, this is the last time. I promise you baby, just get through the next couple of years, and you’ll never have to do this again.

Until that deal is signed though, and now that Jason Trawick is out of the business of Britney, well, there are the familiar signs. If you’ve followed Britney, there are several familiar warning signs.

1.She’s driving herself
Nothing good comes from Britney booting around town behind the wheel.

2.Starbucks
Nothing good comes from frequent caffeine runs. If you recall, just before the really bad time, she was out for coffee constantly.

3.Shopping and changing
During the really bad time, Britney went shopping often. And...remember? Every time she shopped there would be several changes of clothing. Yesterday she went shopping. We started with a white button-down blouse. Somewhere along the way we ended up in a sleeveless top with an embellished peter pan collar.

4.Weight fluctuations
She’d go days without sleeping, Britney would. And in those four or five days, she’d drop a lot of weight. And then for whatever reason, a few days later she’d bloat out again. Since Jason left, a restless Britney has been going out more and more, and sleeping less and less.

5.The Mondrian
During the really bad time Britney would show up at the Mondrian alone and start undressing. Six years ago at the Mondrian, she approached two strangers and asked them if they would be her friend. Click here for a refresher. This weekend? This weekend Britney hit up the Mondrian. In a slip dress without a bra.

To be excited at the prospect of a new song, and jam up Twitter by trending her name if there’s any hint of an upcoming album -- is this what it means to support, be a loyal fan? Especially when, even if there is new work to come, Britney, really, is only capable of contributing to, maybe, 5% of it?

What would it be like if we could all just let her go?

The challenge with Britney is that you can’t completely let her go. They can’t. They have to keep her reasonably busy so that she doesn’t act out out of boredom. Boredom because she doesn’t KNOW anything else. All she did when she was supposed to be finding interests and learning about herself was perform -- during those formative teen years, when most of us are allowed to figure out what we like and don’t like and enjoy doing. The result? The result is that performing is all she knows. She doesn’t know reading, she doesn’t know hobbies, she doesn’t care for travel, she doesn’t know anything except being famous and performing. And falling in love. Being famous and performing and falling in love also almost killed her.