Another one of those ‘we can make your website better’ messages hits the webmaster mailbox, and gets the almost standard reply. This time the SEO Expert writes:

Hi,

I’ll take this opportunity to introduce myself, my name is E.B., very nice to meet you. I’m SEO expert working at ***.

I came across viktoriamichaelis.com while making a research for one of my partners and I have few interesting suggestions for you like increasing your traffic & improving your rankings. I would love to tell you more about my ideas.

If you are interested I will be happy to send the additional information and all the details needed to make it happen.

Thanks a bunch,

E.B.
***.org
My LinkedIn page

and the reply:

Dear Mr Brown,

many thanks for your offer to improve the ratings and global position of viktoriamichaelis.com.

As you know, from checking out the site, Ms Michaelis has no interest in commercial links whatsoever and, from this point of view alone, your offer is of little interest.

From a second point of view: Ms Michaelis rates a minimum of 400 visitors each and every day of the week, has a Google Rank of 3 (very good for a non-commercial site), backlinks (through Yahoo search) numbering 16,756 and a 3 month rating of 363,868 (today’s figure) from Alexa. Your website has an Alexa ranking of 2,316,501, to highlight just one fact. Perhaps when you have a ranking better than that of the site you are making your offer to…

Best regards,

webmaster.

At least this sales attempt came close to good English usage but still, I like it when politeness comes across clearer than the sarcasm intended.

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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9 Comments

Please tell your webmaster to increase your Alexa numbers. Especially page views and time on site: I sent a crawler through the entire domain two days ago. Every link was clicked and the thing took 16 hours to finish (with 8 fast http connections open.)

The thing actually “read” every post and “looked” at every image taking the same time a human would need. The downside is that 9 out of 10 visitors are in Eastern Europe…

Don’t forget, spiders, bots and all the rest are measured in different ways by many of the sites giving out usage figures. Although I have seen quite a few links and references to sites registered in TLDs RU and UA, they haven’t changed the figures a great deal simply because it is one visit and balances out against those single page, few second visits which I get quite a lot of.

In addition, the Alexa figures are average over 3 months, which means the final given figure is unlikely to change a great deal through one series of visits / pageviews on one day … much as they are appreciated!

That was not a spider, bot, or crawler, Viktoria: a full-fledged browser emulator that declares itself to be, well, whatever I tell it to declare (even Safari running under Android from the oracle.com domain, which would be entertaining.)
And Alexa has a 7-day trend tab.
You want a lot of visits from Argentina? At your service, the thing can launch several instances of itself with different parameters.

The 3 month is at 359,697, the one month at 380,765 which, bearing in mind the problems with the server initially and a coup,e of smaller down times since, is better than I had imagined it would be.

As with most things, you can buy the services if you wish. I’m quite happy with what I have, though, figures from the server – including detailed links – Google Analytics and Alexa although none of them are truely accurate.

Globally. For sites hosted in Germany, you rank in the top 28 thousands and you are trending up 10% for the past month which is about when the Great Hosting Nightmare ended.

Given that you are competing, in Germany, with web sites that have a bit more hardware, bandwidth and IT people such as google.de and amazon.de (not to mention those upstarts at microsoft.de), I would say: brava!