Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Thought that Counts?

Sometimes inspiration can be found in the oddest places, in this case it was found in disintergration. The above photos are of the WORST christmas gift that I have ever received, and I used to get underwear EVERY christmas from my grandmother. At least I could wear the underwear and get some use out of them. This gift is as useless as it is shittyly made.

In case the pictures aren't clear enough, it is a pen. Yes a ballpoint pen! A Cross 3502 ballpoint pen made in China, and it is crap. This is the age of the computer, the ipad, the iphone, and I fear that 'fancy' pens, as this undeservedly purports to be, are going the way of the dinosaur. Meaning that they will soon become extinct, no longer necessary, unable to adapt, and all that good stuff that evolution teaches us that are smart enough to listen. The other sad part is that this isn't even that 'fancy' it is chrome, not silver, and it is a ball point pen. I did use it once, to see how it wrote, and it was about as smooth as your average BIC of which I could have bought about 90 of for the price paid for this one crap pen. It did come in a fancy box, which probably cost twice as much as the actual pen, but a pig in a dress is still a pig, it just happens to be in a dress.

I suppose you are wondering who would give me such an outdated, outmoded, piece of crap as a christmas gift? Well, I won't name any names because that is cruel, but it was a recent ex that, for reasons known only to her, purchased this crap pen as a gift. I do use a pen daily to scrawl my name over a bunch of 'official' documents, but that is all I do sign my name, and I use a Pilot G-2 pen for that purpose. Actually, I use a lot of those pens, because on any given day I lose about 2 of them. My office buys a lot of pens. They are not heirlooms that we hold onto like grim death. And the person who bought me the 'fancy' pen knew that, which is another reason the gift is shit.

I have been accused (by this ex, and others) of ruining holidays, and I probably do, but when I go to the trouble of buying you a gift it is a gift that you will like. You see, I put some thought into my gifts, I find out the kinds of things you like, and the kinds of things you don't like. I even try to sort out the kinds of things you might actually use. I know that is a radical idea in the gift giving world, and it is probably the reason I gave up buying gifts long ago. I understand the whole concept of thought that counts stuff, that is why I put thought into my gifts, but how much (bad) thought could have gone into a fucking pen! I did state that I will never use it, but I have since relented that idea, and have struck upon a new idea. I am going to send this pen on a fantastic voyage. I am going to post pics of it doing absoultely nothing in all types of places, beacuse it is functionally useless, and I think people need to know that.

I almost felt bad for the Cross pen company, then I realized they are shilling this type of pen for between 20-30 bucks, and it is (cheaply) made in China, for probably about 3 bucks. Therefore, I don't feel bad for the company, I feel bad for the consumer. Not that I think there is, or should be much of a market for such a crap item, but clearly somebody buys them, and them pawns them off as christmas gifts. The sadder part is that the person that bought me this crap gift had been dating me for almost 11 months, and even asked what (to her) she considered my 'best' friend what she should get me. His reply was certainly not 'a useless overpriced, poorly made, pen that he will NEVER use.' I know, I asked him, and he assured me that he didn't suggest such as bad gift, not even as a joke.

It is perhaps an asshole thing to do, calling someone out for giving a crap gift, but then again I am an asshole. And, more importantly, I think I was wronged. I gave great gifts, I got shit gifts in return, and I was the one that ruined fucking Christmas? I have to call bullshit on that, and on a lot of other things that need not concern us at the moment. If it is the thought that counts, and this is all the thought you can muster then I weep for your unborn children, they will be buffoons no matter who the sperm donor may be.