Dec 31, 2012

It seems
almost unbelievable that this is the last day in the year 2012. It’s amazing that time can move so slowly and
so quickly at the same time.

There were
moments from the very first month in this year when it seemed like situations were going to get the best of me.
There were times when I felt that if I heard one more piece of bad news
or experience one more disappointment I would totally lose it.

I remember a moment this year when I felt as
if all of my hopes and dreams had come crashing down around me and in that
moment God I questioned you. I wondered
where you were in those times when the pain went so deep that I couldn’t even
share it.

But God,
there were also moments this year where I experienced triumphs, moments where I
felt hope ignite within my heart, moments where I knew beyond a shadow of a
doubt that you were with me.

I look back
over this year and I see that you were there with me every step of my journey.
There is not one day that I needed you and you did not show up.

So Father on
this last day in 2012 I just wanted to say thank you! Thank you for always being there for me, for
loving me and working on my behalf even in those moments when I doubted that
you would.

This year it
has been reinforced to me that

-you love
me!

-I can
always trust you.

-you’ll
never fail me.

-I can
depend on you.

Father, I
look forward to 2013 with joy and anticipation, because I know that just as you
were with me every step of the way during this year so will you be in 2013.

Nov 26, 2012

“You never did tell me why you made that decision,” he said
quietly, completely out of the blue. I
stared at him in disbelief. Was I
hearing correctly? The decision he was talking about wasn’t something new, in
fact it was quite a while back. Why
bring it up now?

For just a moment the old anger, hurt and resentment rose up
inside. The reasons and explanation
regarding my decision had all been explained, discussed, dissected and
discarded by others as trivial, including him.
Did I want to even try to explain again? Yet, I wanted to be
understood. I wanted to know that
somebody saw my side. I wanted validation that my decision was the right one.

“The innate desire to defend myself battled fiercely with
the voice of the holy spirit speaking softly to my heart.

“Be still, the battle
is not yours.”

I sat quietly, almost frozen in that moment for what seemed
like a long time but in reality was only seconds. Why is it that I have trouble remembering
this? I often try to fight my own
battles and end up with unnecessary battle scars in the process. Why can’t I just automatically trust God to
fight my battles? As I thought about it,
the answer was not really complicated. I
want immediate justice, validation, perfect endings with no loose ends. But unfortunately, life is not perfect and
often not fair…

Then finally, almost unconsciously two words came softly out
of my mouth, “God knows.”

I said it again more assertively, “God knows.”

As I said it, I sat back with a sigh of relief. I gave the desire to be understood to
God.

The Lord is watching everywhere,
keeping his eye on both the evil and the
good. Proverbs 15:3 NLT

Truly God does know.
Nothing we do is a surprise to him.

God knows the whole matter.

God knows what was said and what was done.

God knows who’s wrong and who’s right.

God knows my side, your side, their side and the unbiased
truth.

God knows the back story that no one else is privy to. He knows the heart of a matter.

Some decisions that we make will never make sense in the
natural. There will always be those who feel that they are more qualified to
make decisions about our lives than we are.
Often our decisions may be second guessed and dissected. However the important thing to know is that
you make your life decisions after much prayer and communication with God.

5 Trust
in the Lord with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT)

The true measure of a woman shows when she allows God’s
peace to fill her heart even in the midst of difficult situations. It shines forth in her trust and confidence
in God.

Trusting Him,
~Bernadine~

I wrote this article for Sanctified Together a couple of years ago and decided to share it here after a recent conversation with a friend. I needed a little reminder that, God knows!

Nov 12, 2012

I was happy when I was offered the opportunity to review a
copy of the God Interviews by Julie Allyson-Ieron. It’s just the type of book that I enjoy
digging into. Many of the questions that
are addressed in the book are actually questions that I would ask God if he was
my captive audience.

Julie Allyson Ieron’s book The God Interviews Questions You
Would Ask; Answers God Gives is a book designed to answer some of the most
common and often heartfelt questions people often ask God. This book is set up
in a style (as the name implies) in which God is actually in studio being
interviewed and asked some rather tough questions.
In some cases women whose name reflected the pain of their questions
called in to put their questions to the creator.

Disgruntled in Delaware wanted to know, “Why did you make me
the way I am?”

Flummoxed asked, “Why have you allowed bad things into my
life?”

Weeping in Westdale asked, “Why do answers take so long?”

I was impressed by the way Julie Allyson-Ieron wove the
fictional interviews with God into this book based on scripture. I found much
to think about as I read through the book. What I also liked was the fact that although the interviews were fictional, after each segment the author adeptly ties in scripture instead of taking
creative liberties with the answers.

I would highly recommend this book. This is also one that I
will place on my reread list.

Oct 2, 2012

I was at home one evening when I heard a soft but insistent knocking on my door. I really didn’t feel up to having company but the person would not give up. I quietly glanced outside to see who it was. After seeing a little girl and boy standing there I opened the door. I didn’t recognize the faces of the children but they looked at me with the saddest eyes...

I'm at Laced With Grace today. I'd love for you to stop by to read the rest of my post, A Memory that Lingers

Sep 9, 2012

For some reason today, I found myself humming the song, “Just
for Me.” I stopped and meditated on the
lyrics for just a moment.

Just for me, just for me

Jesus came and did it just for me…

It was a timely reminder of all you have done for me. I stand, as always, in awe of you. When I think of the most special thing anyone
has ever done for me it doesn’t even come close to measuring up. What do you say to someone who has given his
all for you? Somehow thank you just isn’t enough, but I’ll say it anyway. Lord, I thank you for sending your son, just
for me.

Aug 13, 2012

A few days
ago I went to do some work in my classroom.
School isn’t officially opened yet but somehow a few of us teachers are
always back early organizing and beautifying our classrooms as if we are hard
pressed to stay away.

As I stepped
through the door I immediately felt overwhelmed. Everything just seemed in such
chaos that I wasn’t sure where to begin.
I’d come with a plan to simply organize my cupboard and put away some
papers and books. However, I saw so much
other things that I needed to do that I was tempted to take on the whole
room. I didn’t though because I knew
that I’d fail miserably and go home feeling as if I accomplished nothing.

So I grabbed
a stack of papers, sat behind my desk and started putting them in order.As I worked I blanked out the chaos of the
room and refused to let it distract me from my goal.At the end of the few hours I was there the
room still looked a bit chaotic but I knew I had accomplished the one thing I
set out to do instead of failing at many things.

So many
times I am guilt of similarly wanting to take on the world. There seem to be so many people hurting I
wish I could help, numerous projects worth being a part of, countless
inspirational books I just have to read… and before I know it I’m
exhausted. I’m burnt out and worst yet I
can’t see what I’ve accomplished with so many incomplete projects before
me. So I take a break and ask my father
just what is it I need to focus on in this moment of my life.

He directs,
he guides, he tells me to focus on him because, Except the LORD build the house, they
labor in vain that build it… Psalm 127:1

Aug 6, 2012

I’m not an athlete, never have been. In fact you can say I’m not much of a sports fan except on occasion. However once every four years I become a total fanatic about the world of sports when the Olympics come around. I love the fact that each country sends out its best to represent them at these games.

I enjoy hearing the life stories of my favorites at the Olympics. Knowing the time, effort and sacrifice that enabled them to reach to the moment where they become Olympians makes me to a small degree understand how devastating a loss is and how victory can make all the sacrifices seem worthwhile.

The Olympics is a place where dreams become reality for some and come crashing down for others. It’s the place where the favorite doesn’t always win and the most unexpected sometimes happen. As I watch, I applaud, celebrate and commiserate with those who participate in these games. I admire their dedication but most of all I am inspired by their passion...

I'm at Laced With Grace today. I'd love for you to stop by to read the rest of my post The Ultimate Goal.

Jul 26, 2012

She said it quietly, without much emphasis, simply stating
what she considered a fact. Before I
could respond she continued, “I haven’t tasted anything you cooked that wasn’t
good.”

photo credit: 123rf.com

My friend Mandie visited me for the first time this
summer. It was a visit almost twelve
years in the making. Long before she
came I made it known I didn’t consider myself the best cook. I told her how well my sisters cooked but not
me. I wanted to make sure I warned her in advance just in case she didn’t enjoy
my cooking. The fact is she did enjoy my sisters’ food but
she enjoyed my own also.

Long after she left, her words played over and over in my
mind. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

Mandie’s words reminded me of something a church sister spoke in
prayer meeting lately. She said, “All
God wants you to do is your best. So, whatever
you do, do it to the best of your ability.”
In the final analysis, God is not looking for the best cook, the snappiest
dresser, the most creative homemaker or the most eloquent blogger. God is
looking for people who will use their gifts and abilities whatever they may be,
for his service and in service to others.

So even if we’re not what we consider to be the best at what
we do, when we yield our gifts to God and allow him to use them He is pleased wit us. And if God is pleased we should be alright
with that.

What about you? Do
you often find yourself downplaying your gifts to others because you sincerely believe that what you do does not measure up?

Jul 16, 2012

What would you say if I told you that two killers were on the
loose in your neighborhood and you were accused of aiding and abetting them? I’m
sure you’d never do something like that… or would you? Well believe it or not
it’s true.

There are two
killers on the loose and they are hiding out in a place you least suspect.
These two killers are the best in the world. No matter how many times they are
captured they always manage to escape.

They are more
sinister than those behind the September 11th attacks, more terrifying than the
deadliest diseases, and more intimidating than the fiercest bully.

These two always work together. In fact it’s in togetherness that they get their power.
They have no respect for age; they kill young and old alike. However, they don’t kill the flesh, that’s much too obvious after all you may catch on and
try to protect yourselves and your love ones.

These killers are
after something else. If allowed to go unchecked they will destroy your dreams,
your faith and your hope for a bright and beautiful future. They will reduce
you to doubting your abilities, your purpose for being and your very worth as a
person. These two assassins will not be found walking the streets, or hiding in
bushes, in fact they hide in the most unlikely place… your mouth. These killers
that I’m talking about are two simple words that we use countless times
throughout the day.

The two assassins
that I speak of, the killers of dreams, the instigators of doubt are the wordsI can’t.

What gives these
words so much power is that they cause you to kill your own dreams without
realizing. Every time you say I can’t a little piece of your dream dies because
in essence you’re saying I’m not even going to try.

Many of us today
are less than we should be, less than we want to be and less than God called us
to be because we have allowed these assassins free reign over our lives. We
have allowed it so much that many times we won’t even try anything new. Every time
we are presented with a new challenge the first words out of our mouths are the
words I can’t.

I dare you as of
this moment to say something different. I dare you to stop letting those two
dream killers have free reign in your life. I dare you to instead of saying I
can’t say I’m going to try. You may not succeed at everything you try to do but
at least you’re putting yourself in race.

This article was
originally the introduction to a sermon I gave during a Youths’ Day service several
years ago. I’ve been thinking a lot
about achieving dreams lately so I decided to share this again. I’ll probably be doing another post about
dreams and goals soon as I continue to think out loud.

Jul 3, 2012

These heartfelt words came from the young gentleman who was helping me with my groceries. “Really, did something special happen today?” I asked him. He went on to tell me that he had gotten his report card that day and he was excited because he had done so well. When we reached to my car he reached into his pocket, pulled out his report card and proudly showed it to me. I’d never met this young man but I was happy to share in his excitement. I told him to keep up the good work and that I was proud of him. I had about $7.00 left after paying for my groceries so I gave it to him and told him to take that as a small reward for his excellent report card. He left me with a bright smile on his face feeling happy that someone took time to share in his success.

As I got into my car, I thought about that short moment in time and I was thankful that I didn’t miss it. It took but a moment of my time to make someone’s day. But, many times I’m guilty of allowing busyness to cause me to not be present in the moment...

Jun 14, 2012

Last year my goddaughter Lashaunna started first grade at the school where I teach. From her very first day she started the tradition of stopping by my class in the evenings before her mother picks her up. Every evening she greets me with a sweet “hi Goddie Bernie,” and a big hug, then after a short conversation runs off happily to wait for her mother.

Lashaunna in her beautiful church dress

Some days when Shaunna comes I’m busy with a parent or colleague so she’ll stand quietly waiting for me to notice her then if I take too long she slips out because she knows her mother is waiting. However, after a few times I noticed her disappointment so I decided that no matter who I’m talking too I’d just excuse myself for a moment and give her for a hug. It really doesn’t take but a moment of my time and she leaves happy knowing that I’m not too busy for her.

My beautiful goddaughter and me

Now when Daniel learned that the decree had been published, he went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened toward Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before. Daniel 6:10

I was thought of Shaunna one day as I was studying the book of Daniel. She shows up everyday although there were days when I was too busy and she left disappointed. Daniel showed up for his set time with God even when it was dangerous for him to do so. He didn’t think, “Oh God will understand if I don’t pray today.” He knew that was the time he had set aside to spend with God and he was determined to keep the appointment no matter what. As I studied I was reminded of my set time with God. I usually get up at about 5:45 a.m. so that by 6 a.m. I can sit with my Bible and cup of coffee and spend some time with God before I start my day. However, there are times when I oversleep, or I’m feeling a bit tired or maybe just plain lazy so I’m not at our meeting place at the appointed time. He reminded me that he’s there every morning at 6 o’ clock waiting for me even on the days when I don’t show at the set time.

Morning Quiet Time

As I sat there I wondered, “God, do you leave disappointed like Shaunna on the days when I don’t give you the time I’m supposed to? Do you linger round when I oversleep hoping I won’t be in too much of a hurry that we can’t have our time together?” I knew the answer without him even saying a word. It made me more determined to keep my time commitment to him. I call my early morning devotion, Coffee with God, and truly it’s the sweetest part of my day and it sets the tone for the rest of my day.

Shaunna's 6th Grade Graduation

Trusting Him,

~Bernadine~

I shared this post at Laced With Grace in 2007. However I thought I'd share it again in honor of my beautiful goddaughter Lashaunna's sixth grade graduation. I'm going to miss her sweet smiling face popping into my classroom just to give me a hug. Also, I'm going miss to the laugh I got out of seeing her seeing her mom or big sister many evenings having to visit some of the classrooms and places my social little (not so little anymore) goddaughter just had to stop off to before going to wait to be picked up.

May 22, 2012

I’m the youngest child in a family of eight. Consequently, when I was growing up there were always people around that I could count on to be there for me when I needed them. However, inevitably as happens in life there were times when they let me down in spite of their well meaning intentions. To be fair I’ve done the same also.

But it just goes to prove that no matter how good our intentions are we disappoint others. We are human, we make mistakes and we unknowingly cause pain. Sometimes it’s not easy to let go of the pain that others cause us even when it wasn’t deliberate. We often want to hold on to it and allow the hurt to grow instead of letting it go...

I'm at Laced With Grace today. Do stop by to read the rest of my post In God Alone...

May 10, 2012

From the first time I heard about Pete Wilson’s book Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? I knew it was a book I needed to read. So a few days ago I finally bought a copy.

I haven’t had a book reduce me to tears in a very long time. However this one has. As I read I was reminded me of the lyrics to a Roberta Flack song…

I felt he found my lettersAnd read each one out loudI prayed that he would finishBut he just kept right on

Strumming my pain with his fingersSinging my life with his words

It may seem like quite a stretch, comparing Roberta Flack’s song to Pete Wilson’s book however his book Plan B struck a chord in the best possible way. I found my story between the pages… It’s difficult to reach to a point in life where it seems as if nothing is going according to plan. You wonder where God is and why He isn’t doing those things you expect of him.

The book offers encouragement to people who find themselves in the midst of a Plan B. Pastor Wilson emphasizes the point that although life may not have turned out the way you expect it to it’s not the end of the road. God has a purpose in everything even the disappointing and terrible moments in your life.

Pastor Wilson interweaves stories of everyday people along with biblical characters who find themselves in the midst of a Plan B. He emphasizes that even our biblical heroes like Job, Joseph and others had moments when they knew they did everything right but still life went horribly wrong. Dreams didn’t materialize family and trusted friends let them down. The unfathomable happened, God seemingly forsook them… but yet they stood strong. Life didn’t miraculously become better but God used the terrible moments in their lives for his glory.

In spite of my many words I am only halfway through Pete Wilson’s book. It’s not a book I want to rush. I’m reading and stopping to let it sink in because this is exactly where I am right now in the midst of a Plan B trying to figure out what God wants me to do next…

I
found this beautiful poem in a book of Helen Steiner Rice’s poems a dear
friend gave me today for my birthday. These words are quite relevant as I begin a new year… I’m reminded to trust God and look on
the sunny side of life.

Thank you Lord for another year and for daily reminding me just how much you care.

Apr 20, 2012

As I counted I surveyed the area around
me. The beautiful sandy beach stretched
on for miles and miles. Then I looked at
the little pile of sand in front of me, it could barely fill a sandwich bag.

It was at this point in the face of my
insurmountable task that I finally threw my hands in the air and shouted “I
give up!!!”

I knew then as I knew when I began that
my mission was impossible, not Tom Cruise impossible but really
impossible. There were not hours enough
in the day or days enough in my remaining time on earth to count the grains of
sand on this one beach in the Bahamas so the world…? I think not.

I'm at Laced With Grace today. I hope you'll stop by and read the rest of my post Mission Impossible

Apr 14, 2012

The photos in this post were taken by me as I approached home after being away on vacation.

I love to travel
when I have an opportunity. However, there is always something exciting about returning home. I have a sense of
anticipation because I know I’m going to be back to a place and a people that I
love. But as much as I love my home, as excited
as I always am to return I’m happy that this is not my forever home.

I’ve just finished reading Max Lucado’s book Traveling
Light. The chapter before the end was
titled Almost Heaven. In this chapter he
talks about longing for home. I love the
way he puts it so eloquently.

Would you treat this world like home? It isn’t.
The greatest calamity is not to feel far from home when you are, but to
feel right at home when you are not.
Don’t quench but rather stir this longing for heaven. God’s home is a forever home. “And I will
dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6 NKJV) Traveling Light, Max
Lucado pg154

I’m so glad that there’s nothing wrong with me feeling like
a sojourner here because I am. This is
not my forever home. This is just my
temporary home and my forever home with Jesus is being prepared.

Have you experienced times in your Christian walk
where it seems if you were the very last item on God’s agenda and he had barely
started His list? (Please let me know I’m
not the only one).

I was quite a few years into my walk with God when I
was hurt to the point that I felt broken, bruised and quite forsaken by
God. So in my humanistic way of thinking
I thought well if God doesn’t care why should I…? Thankfully He didn’t give up on me and out of
that experience I wrote the above poem. I'm so glad that almost, doesn't count..

Apr 7, 2012

“Did we make a mistake in following this man?” Is he really the one prophesized about by the prophets of old?” “What is he doing hanging on a cross?”

I can only imagine the questions of the disciples as they watched the events that took place unable to intervene. I’m sure Peter wanted to take on everyone on Jesus’ behalf and he did try;

10Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his right ear.

However,

11Jesus commanded Peter, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?" John 18:10-11

Whenever I read the Easter story I am always in awe of the depth of God’s love for us. Jesus didn’t want anyone to fight this battle, to step in and be His savior because he was The Savior.

I can picture the disciple that Jesus loved. He must have felt helpless, lost, even forsaken. This man was probably a big brother, maybe even father figure to him and now there he hung beaten, bleeding and seemingly defeated on the cross. Probably knowing his sense of helplessness Jesus gave him an assignment, one that He would only give to someone He trusted completely.

26When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," 27and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home John 19:26-27

That beloved disciple must have held his new mother close and comforted her as Jesus cried It is finished." then bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

Darkness, despair, discouragement, total hopelessness… this is how that moment must have seemed to those who loved Jesus, the moment where all hopes, dreams and expectations came crashing down. We’ve all experienced those moments in life. But I am so thankful that moment on the cross was not the end of the story. I’m so thankful for resurrection Sunday, that an empty tomb stands testament to the fact that He rose again, that my Jesus lives.

photo credit: Photobucket.com

10Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.
13They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"
"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." 14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there… John 20:13-14

Oh the joy of that moment when a ray of hope cuts through the darkness, when the impossible becomes possible, when hope springs anew…

Because He lives, I can face tomorrowBecause He lives, all fear is goneBecause I know He holds the futureAnd life is worth a living, just because He livesBill Gaither

Mar 12, 2012

Every single day of my life you give me a reason to give
thanks. Sometimes it’s easy to thank you
when it’s something tangible or visible to the eye.

Likewise Lord, it’s easy to become ungrateful when
I can’t touch or see the things you do for me on a daily basis. However, Father I’m learning more and more
every day that there is just so much more to you than what my eyes can see and
what my hands can touch.

Today Father, as I sat memories ran through my mind of
family, friends, love, laughter and happy times. The memories brought a smile to my face and
the thought to my mind that memories are a precious blessing, something for
which I should thank my father up above.

Mar 4, 2012

Let the church, let 'em say AmenIf you believe the word, let the whole church say AmenGod has spoken, so let the church say AmenI can’t remember hearing the song Let the Church Say Amen
before I heard Pastor Marvin Winans sing it at Whitney Houston’s funeral.

Ever since then, it has
been stuck in my spirit.

I’ve found the song and I’ve been listening to it over and
over again because it ministers to my heart and I can never be reminded enough that
God’s promises are sure.

Sometimes life can get difficult. Dreams, desires and even the promises of God
seem like a fairy tale, something that happens to others while you stand by and
watch.

But I’ve been reminded every time I sang that song in the
past few weeks that God has spoken and even though his word seem long in coming
to pass I say Amen.

I notice that I've been leaning towards the same types of songs lately. Maybe God is trying to send me a message...

Feb 21, 2012

I’m kinda quiet at times, especially in large groups. I’m a bit of an introvert that way. So navigating the whole blogging world is still somewhat of a challenge to me because even in the privacy of my home, behind the safety of my computer screen I’m still the girl who although she loves the Lord, loves to share him, loves to laugh, talk and voice her opinions, still find it easier to do so in small familiar groups.

Staying in a comfort zone is easy for me but ever so often God allows me to meet up with people who encourage me to go beyond my comfort zone... I'm at Laced with Grace today. Do stop by to read the rest of my article The Gift of Encouragement