There was literally nothing you could have said, your
letter was beautiful and so sensible that ANY sane, rational human being would have been moved to realize that the whole thing is just stupid.

Honestly though, she does sound like a sweet person and it's sad she's taken up the cult mentality full-speed. It's so sad, really, she can't even have a conversation with you because of course she's just a
woman and you should be talking to a big man elder with his Bible... I just pity her.

I think like you probably learned yourself, you have to save yourself. Someone can help nudge you or plant a seed of doubt but only you can decide that you cannot do this any longer. Maybe she'll come to that point one day, maybe she won't, but none of it is in you.

This is nothing you should tell her (I'm just getting a rant ready here) but I seriously wonder why these people care. Well, I know why they care, even with being in a cult there is still a shred of humanity in these people even if they don't know it. But it doesn't make sense belief-wise, they literally have no reason to care for even their family members being resurrected or not because God will supposedly wipe their minds and make them forget any painful memories and will be given ten-fold, etc., etc. And even now, they think god is a greater friend than anyone so why do they care that their evil apostate friend won't become a JW so they can hang out with them, why don't they just fucking pray all day and be entertained until the day they die if God is such a great friend. Please. And don't even tell me its selflessness because they don't even try to make contact with you to "save" you, they only reply to appease their conscience because they know they're doing something they don't want to do.

How do you take that shred of humanity they have left and show them that its the right instinct?

Individuals gets older & they are responsible for their own choices. Your friend made the choice to have a leap of faith into the org ... you didn't.

A sister is supposed to become a pioneer and be in a suppotive role. She doing what is expected of her, not because you aren't. You are are living your own life and her frriendship comes with a price, yours does not.

Also reg your best friend don't give up. I was her. Saw all my friends and my own sister leave from age 17-25. Shunned my sister at my own wedding. Then at 26 I woke up. Now I'm slowly finding old friends, making up time.

Very late on this post, but I just discovered this sub. Similar situation with my (ex?) best friend. Your letter to her seriously sounds like something I would have written.

Some people for some reason need to believe in something even when they know they absolutely aren't convinced. My ex best friend is a born in but she's 24 and hasn't gotten baptized. If she really wanted that life for herself I would think she would be baptized by now. She doesn't feel that she's worthy of being a JW because she parties a lot (as in drinks and messes around with guys, last I knew) and can't get rid of the habit.

I know it's really hard to let go of friends but that's all you can really do. It sucks. But at least if she does get out you know she'll come to you. It sounds like you guys had a very close relationship.

You can't save anyone. The power of their mind control over her comes with decades of practice and perfection. The only thing you can do is live your life and be happy. Nothing you can ever say or do will change her mind. Think about it, she has been trained to come back with an answer for everything you will ever say. The only person that can save her is herself.

That being said, good for you for trying. You are a good friend and you shouldn't blame yourself for anything. Had you stayed in, you could have very well been the person convincing her to get more involved.

You have said your peace, so I would just leave it at that. She has your number so if she comes to her senses, she knows how to get a hold of you.

I just feel like I lost. I have these vivid dreams about rushing to her house to help her pack her clothes, and we leave. The cruel thing is when I wake up I tell myself "I've done it. I've saved her." I slowly realize I'm in my apartment. She is gone. I've tried for two years to let it go. I am happy. I love my Husband. But I feel like she should be here with me.

When we wake up we can't believe that everyone else will see it if we just nudge them in the right direction. One by one, as we get near identical responses to the one you got, we realize there's absolutely nothing we can do to help them.

They've got to want it for themselves first.

Sorry you had to deal with it, but imo this is a very important part of moving on. Realizing that what we had is completely gone helps us move on and start new.

There is a lot going on here but the one thing you need to know is that:

My leaving pushed her into the organization full force. It's all my fault.

is absolutely not true. You are not, nor ever will be responsible for her choices. It is also true that is not her 'fault' that you left

I felt like a total failure of a friend because I wasn't able to help either of you.

She seems to think it is though. The two statements really sound the same to me. Let the guilt go.

I still have a friend who I left behind that I think about sending the same message to. I know that I would also get the same response. I just couldn't stand to read it. It sucks so bad to loose great relationships because of that cult. Man, does it sucks.

There is nothing really that can be done. We just have to move on. It's hard though.

You are a great loving person and it's such a shame that she couldn't take off her JW helmet for one minute to look at your letter, not as a letter from someone who has strayed and "sick," but as an endearing, sincere, and concerned friend. I know it's hard to know your closest and most dear friend is still trapped in that environment. And from what I read, you really care about her deeply. All I can say is that I admire your courage and continue doing your own thing. From what it seems, you have found what made you happy and more human. We're all entitled in our happiness and we shouldn't let our pasts cripple that entitlement. As sad as it seems, your friend chose that path and you chose another path. Hopefully, she will come to her senses like you have, but we can only hope for that to happen. Just try to be a good human being and a friend in however way as possible and know that you are not alone. I really enjoyed hearing your experience and it's more empowering -- a hundred times more than the robotic experiences that are said in the assembly.

I just wanted her to know that not all worldy people were selfish and angry people. I didn't need god to have love for someone. It just wasn't enough. Last night was the first night I didn't dream about saving her. This is it.

Despite the terminology that I use (womyn is a progressive term for women, since wo-MEN has a patriarchal connotation and feminists are trying to reinvent the gender term to get rid of that implication; and male-identifying is just another terminology that I won't get into; the things I learn in UC Berkeley), the point I'm trying to make is that the ORG reduces womyn (or women, if you prefer that word) to second class citizens. That's what you should be referring to my comment and that's the affirming message I'm trying to convey.

You're absolutely right. There are countless stories about women/womyn in the bible that were treated badly or differently due to their gender. She is a strong woman. I hope she finds her strength soon. I can't even begin to describe the countless comments about women needing to listen to the brothers and how the 'brothers' were the ones to take the lead.
One of the better examples of these was the time when a group of sisters (40-50) told my 14 year old step brother that he needed to divide up the territory for them because they were only sisters. I facepalmed so hard I had to have given myself a headache. They acted like they were completely uncapable. It's laughable.

You're right. You can't save any of those bots in the borg, unless they reach out for help. Look at it much like a drug addiction.....if they don't want help and change? Well, it's not going to happen. Sorry for your loss, I went through that phase too and I still miss some of the people I grew up with but trust me, there is nothing you can do about it. Just be ready when the doubts start to creep in, they will need a friend and not a brain washed one.

What was also sad is that my friend talks about another sister dying in a car crash. I knew that little girl when she was 14 years old. I knew her whole family well. But she was sick. She had already tried to commit suicide once before. She just killed herself by driving on the wrong side of the road on purpose. She took some older man's life with hers. If only they got some real help for her. She was only 18.

i lost good friends when i left the cult. that was five years ago. i now have new friends that i care about and they care about me. and some of my friends have their baggage too, but of different sorts. breakups are apart of life. time heals all wounds. make new friends and learn to let go. but you never know what the future holds :D

You didn't fuck up, you're just going through withdrawals. It will take time and it will get better. Honestly, consider getting out of Brownsville, new surroundings are always a chance for a new beginning.

I am very very sorry for your loss. I can understand you from the depth of my heart. I prepared my leave by cutting all ties. I met my "friends" back then less and less until I fully retreated from them and built a circle in the "world" that would catch me when I leave. Besides my parents breaking down in tears and depression and the elders constantly harassing me the transtion went rather well.

While I'm really sorry and sad for your loss and this whole desperate situation, this once again shows me WHY I left the relgion. they manipulate you and put you into a life situation in which they can fuck your mind by their will and threaten you with total social isolation from all your "friends". I put this word in quotation marks because I could never call a JW a real friend. they drop you as soon as you disfellowship, may it be voluntarily or not.

But to sum it up: I hope things go out well for you and that your friend will come to her senses. Just do as you said and be there for her whenever she decides to reach out to you.

2 meetings a week!? Damn you kids have it easy. I wasted so much of my life pleasing these losers, wasting my life. Wasting my time. This is a break up. She chooses jehovah and the wtb, not you. You come out of the truth to the actual truth on your own. You aren't going to save her. Its done. Let it be. Grow out, take these 2 years and burn the witness years behind you.