Documenting 36 Hair-Raisingly Mundane Years of Ivanka Trump Being Evasive

Today the only first daughter her dad recognizes turns 36 years
old. It hardly seems possible that Ivanka Trump even has an
age, insofar that she and her family have been thrust unto the
American public for what feels like eternity, or eternal
damnation. And yet, there is ample documentation of her growth
from entitled teen model to blank adult politicker and
self-proclaimed champion of women (or at least, the ones who
fit into her definition of acceptable).

One thing we discovered in compiling soundbytes through the
years is that her voice has not changed; she speaks in a bougie
vocal fry, an Upper East Side drawl that connotes the kind of
person who would (and did) enlist her
household’s domestic workers to “[dig] deep for their spare
change” as a childhood lemonade entrepreneur. Simultaneously,
she has mastered the art of saying something without really
saying anything, a key trait in her persona and the one you
most have to watch out for. Laid all out here, it’s a
reminder that the flossiest snakes are usually the most
venomous.