Changing seasons

My period is now sufficiently late I am growing weary of all of the feelings all of the time. This is actually a bit of a turn for the books after the unintended over-medicating I had been subjecting myself to for oh, months? I use that question mark wisely because I have no idea when I virtually doubled one of my meds. So that inability to cry, the complete lack of energy, the constant need for sleep and the eyebrow-raising coping with the Family Realignment could all be explained away. But back to the period (are you still with me) I use this period tracker on my phone, it lets me know when it’s coming with an exclamation mark, like an impending celebration. Your period is due in two days! The irony of course is that reality combined with the exclamation mark makes me want to smash my phone to pieces. PIECES.

I’ve picked up so more work for March/April so that is a relief good. I am fairly constantly wringing my hands about me and employment. Should I get a permanent job somewhere, but how would I manage a commute and four kids and getting Oscar on and off his bus each day and oh my God watch me fall down this hole of angst. Pitch more stories, PITCH. But I’m not really a pitcher, I don’t know if it’s a confidence thing or an inability to think up new ideas but the idea of pitching a story to a magazine leaves me cold. Of course this is ridiculous because I’ve worked in jobs before where I had to come up with story ideas. Maybe I’m better to write something then pitch it but then I pick up more work and the idea gets left by the wayside. I think we can file this under: own worst enemy.

It’s still snowing in the US and all this has done is heighten my need to live somewhere where it does, indeed, snow. I know I know, if I DID live somewhere were it snowed I would be shaking my fists at it by now (but I really wouldn’t). Last night when I was putting the little boys to bed (almost 8 and almost 10, not so little but always so) I said if I won a lot of money I would pack us all up and ship off to somewhere where it snowed. They thought this was a grand plan until I informed them they’d probably miss their friends but would make new ones AND be able to skype old ones. SCHOOL they wailed. The innocence of it all. We’ll move to more snowy climes and never have to go to school again!

But March has arrived and it appears we have endured a Sydney summer without any 40+ heat waves. The first for as many years as I can remember. Yes, it will now arrive and last for 10 days just to punish me. But as it stands the air is cooler in the mornings and evenings, the humidity has dropped and my resting state of cranky has shifted.