One day, my wife (who has had type 1 diabetes for about five years) just walked in and told me she does not love me, does not need me, and has no feelings for me. We have been together since we were 13 years old (we are now 28 and 27). Our counselor believes it is some type of depression so her doctor put her on Zoloft, but she said that the doctor did not see any depression. She has left me and is looking for her own place and is not putting any effort in trying to save our marriage. Could her diabetes and depression be the cause of this problem?

Answer:

I am sure you feel as though you have been hit by a truck. Your letter does not mention how long you have actually been married or what other stressors may have contributed to your wife's decision. It would be bad practice for me to assess the totality of your marriage on such a tiny bit of information. However, having said that, I am not inclined to believe diabetes kills marriages.

Depression can seriously impair decision making, and the root of depression can be complex. If you can get yourself some therapy and then open the door for your wife to join you in counseling, there may be some hope. Your wife's sudden decision without recourse makes me wonder what else is going on. I hope she will allow you to understand. She may not. Sometimes people just make decisions and do not include us in them. That can be remarkably painful.

Again, find a therapist for yourself to help process this situation face to face. A good therapist will want to include your wife somewhere in the process in order to help you.

Last Updated: Tuesday April 06, 2010 15:09:38
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