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We Remember

I was going through some old boxes last night and found a letter I wrote to my friend Cathy’s husband, Paul.

When I was a new third grade teacher at Annandale Terrace Elementary School, Cathy was my role model. She was a dedicated teacher who spoke her mind clearly and respectfully, with a bit of a southern drawl. She loved her family, country, friends, and students and didn’t waste much time talking about anything else. Cathy was tough, but warm and funny. I loved her. I told her all the time that I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. She always reminded me that it was time, because in fact, I was grown up. I usually told her that I wasn’t quite ready yet, but I was taking careful notes.

Cathy moved away when her husband, Paul, was deployed to Baghdad for a year tour of duty. Paul was a Lieutenant Colonel with the 47th Forward Support Battalion. Cathy and Paul were smitten with each other. They had been married for something like 15 years, but they always acted like freshmen on their first date. When Paul came to meet us for happy hour, Cathy would sneak off to the bathroom to fix her hair and lipstick before he arrived. Her eyes would light up when Paul walked into the restaurant and he would always pat her on the bottom when he thought we weren’t watching. They’d often hold hands and flirt, teasing each other just so they could make up and kiss. They’d always leave early because they “missed their kids,” but I always suspected they were going to make out somewhere. They were magic to me. When Cathy told me that they were moving and Paul was being deployed, I told her that I was devastated for her and the kids, but really I was devastated for myself. Cathy didn’t complain. She said she was sad, but mostly proud of her husband and his soldiers. It was always clear that Paul was Cathy’s hero in more ways than one.

The Hurleys moved and the year dragged on. I lost touch with Cathy but thought of her family every night as I watched the news stories about the war. One evening I decided that my students and I would send care packages to Lieutenant Colonel Hurley’s troops, because that seemed like something Cathy would do. The Annandale Terrace student body is made up of recent immigrants, many of whom came from the Middle East. It is a school full of children who have seen much, and tend to be decades ahead of American children in terms of world wisdom. Most of my students understood war, and they understood what the soldiers were sacrificing. They wanted to say thank you, and I wanted to help them.

We ended up sending a huge package filled with phone cards, sweets, and magazines. Each of my students wrote a thank you letter to a soldier. The students from the Middle East wrote about the families they had left behind and thanked the soldiers for fighting for their grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, mothers, and fathers who couldn’t fight for themselves, The students’ letters were tear -your –heart- open beautiful. I cried as I read them one last time and placed them in the box to be mailed. Here’s the letter I wrote to accompany theirs.

1/25/04

Dear Lieutenant Colonel Hurley,

My name is Glennon Doyle Melton. I had the honor of teaching with your extraordinary wife, Cathy, at Annandale Terrace Elementary, and I got to know your beautiful family one afternoon when I helped with S…’s birthday party. Cathy has been a role model for me as a teacher, wife, and mother. Her strength, humor, and fierce loyalty to you and your children continue to be an inspiration to me. I also respect greatly her passion for you. It always seemed to me that you treated each other with the respect and affection of a couple falling in love. After you moved, I got married and had a little boy of my own, and I’m going to try my hardest to recreate what you two have with each other and with your children.

I am not sure how to begin to thank you and the incredible men and women with you for your bravery, honor, and sacrifices. Before September 11 and the war in Iraq, I and many other Americans believed that our lives, liberties, and happiness were God given, inalienable rights. We know better now. We know that these were never rights, but priceless gifts bestowed on us by you, our American soldiers. As we continue with our lives in the states, please know that we do so with a new awareness that we owe every peaceful moment to you. You are the reason that we are free to work and pray and hold our children. You are the reason that the families of my immigrant students came to America to find hope. You are the reason that Americans sleep in peace. Because you are there, we are here, safe and eternally grateful.

My students and I heard that you might need some phone cards to contact your families. When you call them, please thank them for us. We know that we are surrounded by warriors on the home front, and that their daily sacrifices make it possible for you to protect us. Your wives, husbands, and children are also our heroes.

I was told that you might also need some reading materials. The Maxims and FHMs were collected by my husband’s friends, not my students! I wasn’t going to send these racy magazines, but Craig demanded it. He insisted your guys would want them, and that soldiers in a strange land should be able to read whatever the hell they want. I agree.

We love you. We are proud of you. We will pray for your safety until you return in May.

Godspeed,

Glennon Melton, Victoria Curtis, and the Annandale Terrace Third Graders

Here is Lieutenant Colonel Hurley’s response:

4/28/04

Dear Glennon,Victoria, and the Annandale Terrace third graders,

Thank you, very, very much for the great box of magazines, phone cards and letters! What a morale booster! As you can probably guess, this past year has taken a toll upon our great soldiers here in Baghdad, Iraq. Your kindness and generosity make a real difference and remind us that we are loved and that there is life after our tour in Iraq.

Just so you know the impact of your kindness, I want to explain what we’ve done with your gifts. Of course the magazines are always a big hit. The men especially want to thank your husband and his friends for their excellent taste in reading material! I had people knocking on my door begging for the magazines all night so I finally surrendered and put the boxes in the hallway. The letters from the third graders will be passed out to single soldiers who don’t have anyone to receive letters from. You would not believe what an incredible impact these letters have on someone who has nobody to care for them or to write to them – and we have many within the battalion. Lastly, we distributed the phone cards to those soldiers who we’ve identified as having family issues or separation issues to ensure that they are able to make it through the end of the deployment. Your kindness, quite literally, will help some of our married soldiers stay married by offering them a chance to tell their spouses they love them when they would otherwise not have the money to do so. It will help our single parents stay in touch with the children they had to leave with other families prior to deployment. It will help our young soldiers who are having a difficult time coping with the harsh realities of war, by offering them a chance to call home and talk with loved ones. In short, you may not have realized it, but you have touched many lives in a powerful way.

Please tell the other teachers at Annandale Terrace that all of you can be proud of our young American kids. Our American kids- our soldiers – have given the Iraqi people hope through their example. These young soldiers, many of whom are so young that they could have been your students a few years ago, display everything that is right about America. Their compassion, sense of fairness, and ethnic and religious tolerance are a model of what Iraq will someday be like. As the teachers who helped mold these Americans, you can and should be proud.

Lastly, on a personal note, I would like to thank all of you for thinking of us. Your letter was both an inspiration and a blessing, I have nightly meetings with all the key leaders of the battalion and I read excerpts of the letter to all of them. Two of the women who work for me started crying and then the men started misting up – which they promptly cursed the women for. Okay, so now you have the picture…a bunch of hardened veterans after a year in combat getting misty during a meeting over your letter. We were all a little shocked. Your words clearly had an impact on all of us and for that we will forever be thankful.

Thank you also for the kind words about Cathy. She is the real hero among us. From consoling the wives and children of soldiers who didn’t make it and will never return to their families, to crying with mothers who lost one of their children during our deployment, to caring for the spouses who broke under the stress of seeing their loved ones in combat, she has done it all. She is the bravest person I know and I fall in love with her again each day.

Thanks again for being there for us,

Paul Hurley

Monkees – Please take the time to tell your heroes that they’re your heroes. As you can see- it makes a difference.

92 Comments

Ten years in the past I became 9 months pregnant with our first and my husband became in Kuwait, imparting camp guide to his battalion who was strolling convoys into Iraq- it changed into the first days of the struggle and there was a lot unknown and frightening.

This week will be the 10th anniversary of the loss of life of Petty Officer Dwayne Bollinger from my husband’s battalion. I informed his mom that my son who was about to be born, might be informed of her son’s sacrifice, and we make certain to bear in mind him each year.

My husband is adamant that we’ve messed up Memorial Day by difficult it with Veteran’s Day and that these days is handiest about folks who by no means came domestic. He’s right. We’ll honor him and such a lot of others in November. But these days is set those we misplaced.

I’m truly overwhelmed that you still remember what you did back then. It was during OIF1 and there was not a lot of communication between our soldiers and the families. Snail mail was the only way to talk to our soldiers. Those letters meant so much to Paul and the soldiers in his battalion. He still talks of that time period and the letters they received from you guys. It was especially moving because I knew of the children that wrote them. Most of them immigrants and many of them from that part of the world. I remember being there during 9/11 and the parents worried about their child’s safety among the American children and when nothing happened the parents were relieved but also amazed. One parent told me that in her country that would not have happened. It made me so proud to be teaching among such loving and incredible teachers.

It’s also interesting, personally, to see how other people see you. You were such an inspiration to me and I’m glad that you thought of me with respect as well. Paul and I are doing well. Both kids are frown, out of college, with jobs and loving them. S … works in Nebraska at a veterans home as the volunteer service coordinator and P… is a policeman in Odessa, Texas. Paul is still in the military and serving in Seoul, Korea.

Thank you for all you do to make us monkees laugh, cry and just think about our lives in a better way. You have definitely “grown up” into an incredible mother, wife and woman!

Glennon,
This is a beautiful story! You are not alone in your respect and admiration for Cathy. She is a phenomenal woman and has inspired me in countless ways. I often find myself wondering, “what would Cathy do?” in difficult situations. The Hurley family is such a wonderful example of love, honor, and patriotism. They certainly leave their mark wherever they go. Thank you for sharing!

Lovies- Im receiving lots of messages about how this essay was too much focused on living veterans and not on those who have died for our country. I am truly sorry and meant no disrespect – I meant nothing but deep gratitude and reverence. I am trying and I am learning- be patient with me. So much love, G

I am sure that those in the military who died in service to our country would want nothing less than us caring for and showing appreciation for those who are still serving. We remember and honor their sacrifice by supporting those whose lives could take the same path.

Agree. It just seems so hard to honor the fallen without also telling the living that we know they are taking this same risk for us and we owe them a debt of gratitude too.
(It feels like we’re leaving something out if we don’t – that’s just how it feels to me anyway).

It’s so embarrassing when you look down and notice that all of your bases aren’t covered! G–you’re awesome! You were just addressing one issue…Sheesh! You’re brave to put your head out the door when you just KNOW we’re out here in the yard throwing comments!

Ten years ago I was 9 months pregnant with our first and my husband was in Kuwait, providing camp support to his battalion who was running convoys into Iraq- it was the first days of the war and there was so much unknown and scary.

This week will be the 10th anniversary of the death of Petty Officer Dwayne Bollinger from my husband’s battalion. I told his mom that my son who was about to be born, would be told of her son’s sacrifice, and we make sure to remember him each year.

My husband is adamant that we’ve messed up Memorial Day by confusing it with Veteran’s Day and that today is only about those who never came home. He’s right. We’ll honor him and so many others in November. But today is about those we lost.

Tonight at the dinner table we were talking about plans for tomorrow. The teens are committed to help put up neighborhood flags early in the morning, which they are OK with. But then I announced the community veterans’ service at the cemetery and they started whining. “Do we have to do that again? It’s for old people and it’s boooorrrriiinnnggg!” (It’s butt-numbingly long, I’ll admit.)

I said, “They risked their lives for us, our ONLY job is to remember them.” Everyone was totally drop-a-pin-quiet for a minute; which in and of itself was a hallelujah miracle. Then they were all like a team, “Yep, OK. Right.” (Whew, because, what was I gonna say next? We gotta teach our kids.)

Glennon, your post “A Woman’s Place” has resonated with me for over 2 months. It described how a fellow Monkee anonymously paid for a stranger’s groceries and nervously left in a haste. You both touched my heart that day by making me aware of the joy hiding behind secret giving. So today, while choking back tears on the way to church after hearing Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA”, I felt the urge to do something special for our brave soldiers/veterans. I frantically searched for a veteran in our church so we could take them to lunch, but much to my dismay it didn’t work out. My steadfast husband thought my tenderness towards veterans was to be commended so he reassured me that we’d find someone to care for. Luckily on our date night tonight, we saw, across the restaurant, the gentlemen who organized the Honor Flight Network for our small town. Our little town served one of the largest groups of veterans in our nation, and our fellow organizer was a huge part of it, working tirelessly to make sure it was made possible. Here was our chance to secretly love on someone, someone who gave so much of themselves for others, yet deserved so much more. So, without him knowing, WE PAID FOR HIS MEAL and his wife’s and daughter’s. Little Miss Budget stepped outside of her comfort zone, listened to God’s gentle whisper and loved on another human and IT FELT SO GOOD! It was all done anonymously, which made it that much better! I wanted our friend to see God blessing him, not another person. I still have butterflies in my stomach 5 hours later and can’t wait to find another deserving or unknowing recipient. Thank you for inspiring so many. You have turned my world upside down and from here, I like the view. 🙂

It is you, you and your husband… who make the difference and the statement that we care about all the sacrafice and pain that goes into protecting everything we cherish. It is not the big spash but the small drops of appreication that create the wave of warmth that we need to pour over our Soldiers and Sailors and Marines. As Audie Murphy’s mother said to her son when he arrive home from WWII one of the most decorated soldiers in history, “Ya did good son”. You and your husband did good, KB. Good show.

Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if my comment will be read by many but I just want to put my small voice out there somewhere in the hope that perhaps the millions of those who suffered during the Iraq war will one day also be recognised.
I love this blog and Glennon for her openess and humility but I struggle when stories like these are presented especially when it presents participating in war as a glorified act.
I only wish my pain can be conveyed adequetly as my English is not so good.
When I hear sentiments such as the soilders fought for our freedom, I break. My tears run because as an Iraqi family who fled the violence that the war brought we know the price that your freedom cost and we also know that this does not seem to match up when we saw innocent families, small children and elderly loes their lives in some of the most murdorous ways imaginable. People who had no idea what they had done to anger such a big country such as the USA .
I understand it is tragic for the families who lost loved ones who went to Iraq as a part of this war. I am sorry for them. But mostly I am sorry that there is no understanding of why these actions are taken out and the truth of what really happened. For someone who’s loved ones where returned or discovered dead after being brutality tortured and in many cases sexually abused by armed forces I find it hard to see the glory. For someone who still has family that live no in the worse conditions in Iraq with all infrastructure gone. Basic health services are a joke. I struggle to see what as won by this war. It created a nation of people deeply traumatised and angry for their loss. While I know that I am very very lucky to now live in a country that my family are safe in and we are treated very well. (New Zealand) I also know that no freedom was won by this war. The only way to remedy these wrongs is to be humble and understand because there is no glory in war. There is only death.
In this case it’s been rich mans war, poor mans blood.
Please if you can be so understanding please try to understand the suffering of ther people in Iraq because compared to the west they live lives surrounded by suffering every day now as a result of this war.

Thank you Anisa for sharing from a very different point of view. Letters to soldiers are wonderful and the soldiers are so very brave, but you are right…the “lucky” Americans do often forget about the other people in war – the many, many innocent victims who live in fear every moment and who lose so many of their loved ones. It is absolutely heartbreaking.

Anisa, I want to wrap you and your family in our virtual arms.. I cannot understand the pain you and your people have endured but I hurt for all the mothers of the world, the families of the world who do not have peace or safety for their loved ones… You are brave and strong. Thank you for connecting with us and sharing truth..

Dear Anisa, your sincere and brave comment gives us the opportunity to be aware of the long-lasting, dark side of war – not only for the people who fight, but for everyone. Governments declare war for strategic reasons… and then ordinary people have to pay the price (in both countries). And for most Iraq families, this price was a very heavy one.

It seems that war is not a solution to fear and misunderstanding between countries and their people – it just makes it worse. And meanwhile thousands of lives are either destroyed or ruined…

I want you know that many people in the world are aware of this, including in America, and that a lot of young people are increasingly aware that we are all related… that we should unite our efforts for a fair world, instead of big companies and governments dividing, ruling (and ruining) our planet and its inhabitants.

Momastery readers are part of this change – and our compassion should include all of your people who have suffered from the war and still do.

Thank you for telling your story, Anisa. Many Americans grieve with you the brutal unfairness of any war, but the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan (and Syria, and Palestine) have been particularly brutal and particularly unfair. That said, as context (since you describe yourself as an Iraqi who has immigrated to New Zealand), Monday is the U.S. holiday, Memorial Day, when we as a nation remember all Americans who have died while serving in the military, in all wars in our history. This is a moment each year when we as a national community try to be mindful of the members of our armed forces . . . Even those of us who will loudly and passionately criticize some decisions made by our leadership about where those forces go and what they do when they’re there – even we will take this moment to honor the sacrifices made. I just need you to know that this was not a random post, but one that lives in a cultural and CALENDAR moment. Blessings to you and your family, may you all find safety and peace.

You are brave. Thank you for opening up your heart and speaking truth that must be so hard and painful to say. Our minds can sometimes be very closed to the “ugly” that happens around us as well. I promise to always remember you and this post when I think of war and the effects it has on EVERYONE. Big hugs for you and yours in New Zealand.

Anisa, thank you for telling your story. I agree with your statement that this as been a rich man’s war with poor men’s blood. I think most wars probably are. I greatly admire the fact that you were able to write a calm, respectful reply to a blog post that must have upset you very much. Maybe I am oversimplifying things, but the way we all come together here at the Momastery site makes me hopeful that some day the world will be able to calmly and respectfully sort out disagreements. To look for the things we have in common rather than fight over the differences. Hope that one day common sense and love will overcome the greed and evil in the world.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Anisa, for your brave comment. I constantly struggle with how to show honor and respect to my country’s soldiers, who are fighting for reasons that I do not honor or respect. I am especially grateful for your line, “…no freedom was won by this war.”

Thank you all who replied with such compassion and humanity. I was not expecting that (although I should have given the beautiful envirionment Glennon has set up in this web space). I am an ordinary person. I don’t think I posses any quality that another cannot posses but I know that if we all work a little everyday ordinary people like us can create an extraordinary world. God-willing I try too. Hatred and misunderstanding has run rampant for too long. I understand for many of you this day remembering soilders dead and alive seems to be an important part of your culture. Here is to hoping that one day soilders will not be needed.

Peace and blessings to my fellow world citizens.
Thank you Glennon for your hard work.

Incredibly sweet and I’m so glad you did this and shared it. It’s so important to thank and honor our veterans, but I do want to highlight for memorial day it’s particularly important to honor those who didn’t make it home, who paid the ultimate price for our freedom. My brother-in-law is one of those heroes. And while I love this post, it would be great to share again on Veterans day when we honor the living. This weekend, tomorrow, it’s for our fallen brothers and sisters

I know what it feels like to lose someone in war… and I know what it feels like to send thousands of packages to troops and to receive thank you letters.
If you want to check out a great organization, msawi.org
Thanks, G, for all you do.

Thanks so much Glennon! My husband was in Afganistan a year ago. As our family struggled through being along and our worries about his safety it was always appreciated when people said something about the struggles we went through as well as my husband. My daughter’s class did the same thing, sending letters and supplies to the soldiers and they too greatly appreciated it. It was nice when people I met made comments like “Wow we wouldn’t realize how difficult it must be for the families as well as the soldiers,”

For my husband and myself thank you. I will be sharing your letter with him. I know he appreciates the kind words always, knowing that many people appreciate his dedication and sacifices he makes every day.

Thanks to your whole family, Sandy, and please thank your husband. In spite of the fact that we grew up not terribly far from an Army Fort, that was a whole different world, and we didn’t know much about it. I know a few people now who have sons or grandsons in the military, but it’s still not “up close and personal.” We can’t appreciate enough the sacrifices made both on duty and at home.

We thank you. We know who our heroes are. We know what your sacrafices mean to us. We know the comfort and safety that your sacrafice provide us. We know what happened at Normandy, and in Iraq and what continues to happen in Afganistan. We are not confused or without gratitude. You and your husband, you are who we look to and you are who we struggle to find the way to say, thank you, it is you few, you few with courage and honor who carry us through every day. And you will continue to do so because you are the best of us, you are who you are

So beautiful. I have to ask,…you wrote of Cathy in the past tense… I hope she and her husband are reunited and living “happily ever after” (which I read is only possible on a day to day basis 🙂 said by Margaret Bonnano)

Full-on super ugly cry. Yes, just brutiful. Sharing tomorrow and hoping each FB connection I have does the same. Thank you, as always,Glennon, for putting it all in
clear perspective.
Love from the east!

Dammit Glennon! Once again I had to finish reading one of your posts through the tears falling onto my cheeks. I read this in the week the Drummer Lee Rigby was attacked on the street by nutters claiming to speak for their God. He was a warrior hero to his family, his beautiful baby son and now to us, the world. The other warrior heroes that afternoon were the women who stayed with Drummer Rigby as he died and the one who confronted/stood between the armed attackers and the rest of world until the authorities arrived. These are indeed warriors, these brave, strong, scared but doing it anyway women.

I’m waiting to read a post of yours that doesn’t leave me with goosebumps. Since this one left me with goosebumps and tears in my eyes and a heart rent a little (in a good way), I don’t think this was it. Thank you once again.

Thank you so much for this post. I’m going to read it to my kids and we’ll send a care package to our heroic servicemen and women this week. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the needs in the world, but this should be a top priority for every American. I will do what I can. Who will join me? 🙂

I know from having deployed friends and family that you HAVE to send mail to a specific person at their specific military address – in other words, you can’t send a care package to a group in general or to a military address but no recipient name. It’s easy enough to get an individuals’s address though: ask around. I’m sure that you know someone with a friend or family member overseas. They would be happy to share that contact info, and those troops will love receiving your gift!