Should I trust the mushroom?

I ate somewhere between 7-20 grams of mexican mushrooms off of my first grow not so long ago during my winter break.

I ate somewhere between 7-20 grams of mexican mushrooms off of my first grow not so long ago during my winter break. The reason I didnt know if it was 7 or twenty was because I'm not so good at estimating weight. I estimated 7 but the trip got me to think that I probably ate 13 or maybe even 20... cause it was real crazy!

It was the first thing I did in the morning, I just woke up, saw my harvested fucked up aborted mushrooms and started chewing my handfull. I was coming up real quick, so quick that I couldnt get ready to go outside to the woods in time before the floor felt like a trampoline and my grin was stretched from ear to ear. It was really weird to enter the world of magic mushrooms so early in the morning, the sun was just coming up and lighting up my grandparents place (where I spent my winter break) with an early winter morning feeling. I ran outside as fast as I could, feeling really good crossing the street walking into the forrest. The minute I entered the forrest the world changed. I got deeply confused about which way I should take, if I should go any deeper into the forrest or just stay where I was standing. I started to realize the strength of the amount of mushrooms I had eaten and the inconvenience of the cold (and I wasnt dressed up to good either). If it were summer everything would be differant, I would lie in some grassy spot under some trees and look up at the sky through most of the trip with no problem. I had no clue of where to go at all and all I did that time in the forrest was look at all the crazyness around me. There was no limit to how trees would bend and wave... how the landscape would stretch unbelievably and form an amazing symetrical pattern of nature. Like every tree and bush of its own kind I saw was identical, branch touching branch waving like an electric boogy. I would just look at this and fall into my vision. I was falling into everything I was seeing. It was really hypnotic, but it was getting to me beacause of the cold and the possibility of people taking walks into the woods. I couldnt let people see me like this. I mean what early morning walker in the forrest would think it would be normal to see a punk staring at trees in the forrest! I was surprised at the thought of the fact that I wasnt even peaking yet and the onset itself was knocking my consciousness off the hinges. I was walking around in circles, back and fro with no idea of where to go or what to do. I had this really anxious vibe going on about me but I was enjoying the depth of the trip too. Just as my fear suspected a fucking early morning walker was coming. I straightened my act pretended I was taking a regular walk myself but somehow stood in the same place as this old woman (a friend of my grandma's) came by. I just hoped to god she wouldnt start a conversation... but of all the things in the world SHE DID!!!!! She was just trying to be polite and I was laughing to myself about the sillyness of the situation. It was just so silly. Imagine this: I am seeing trees bending, dancing and waving, the grass and ground dimpling in and out and running like a river, I have a slite rush of uncomfortability in my gut and a grin on my face and in the midst of all this crazyness an old woman is standing there yapping about all this stuff that I just dont want to hear or answer to. I'd never felt ruder or a need to be rude so intense but I didnt even listen to a word she spoke and said yes and no randomnly to the things she said. Suddenly I noticed how insane I made myself look and I decided to straighten my act and try to make sense of her questions. She was looking for an apropriate moment to say bye then and I helped her by saying, "but ummm... I gotta go now, so bye" and she said bye. I mean... the word insanity just painted the atmosphere there and then and I was scared she would tell my grandma.I went up to my gamps place, down to my bedroom and sighed a relief because my room gave me a sense of security and stability... but that didnt last long cause now I was fucking peaking!!! Right after I sighed I couldnt fucking recognize a thing I was seeing. Objects didnt have substance at all, objects that werent there formed out from objects that were there and my whole vision was blinded by the most beautifulll colors and INCREDIBLE hallucinations I have ever seen in my whole life! I especially remember this two faced duck I was seeing colored in the coolest shade of turquise/green ever. It wasnt a clear duck... it was like the way you would be able to make a duck out of clouds it had to faces instead of a face and a tail and it was spinning around. I wish I could explain that hallucination more but that would be impossible without drawing it. I turned my face slightly to the right and I saw all types of colorfull animals (lizards mostly) crawling up my walls and when I lied down on my bed I saw that all the animals all ended up on top of eachother at the center of my ceiling where my lamp hangs. There were so many of them. I remember saying to myself, "theres just too much... just too much". There were seriously to many visual impressions to comprehend. They were awesome looking at, but when you're tripping that hard for the first time its just too much. At least for me...I spent the remainder of my time in mass confusion of thoughts, twisting and turning in my bed looking for refuge. Not totally though. I was scared of loosing my mind and never coming down, but I decided to be tough and not let myself crack so I sat up in my bed and meditated. As I was meditating I saw this intense 3d black figue appearing in my vision, it was coming from the south of my vision heading up north real slow. The reason I could make out this black figure was because of the neon red grid he was covered in. I'm saying "he" because it was shaped like the pinnacle of male anatomy like some sort of black oscar statue... Now that I'm writing it seems like it could be the devil or something, but I didnt think that while I was tripping, I thought I was meeting god somehow. I was trying to patient to meet this hallucination... just out of curiousity of what would happen when he would "meet me finally" (he was coming up slowly). Then the background which was black turned to be these funny little colorfull characters which were all folding there hands in prayer and singing something sounding so ridiculously funny... it was a silly mocking ridiculously funny tune, something like, "Oh here comes god... all praise the allmighty, oh here comes god, the allmighty god".Thats when I opened my eyes and laughed hysterically at the ridicule of the whole trip. Here I am trying to be humble and strong mentally with a fear of things possibly going wrong in my back thoughts and the trip seems to be mocking me. The tapestry on the walls (old 50's style with flowers and a pink background... really trippy in a old granparents place style) were going crazy. The flowers were waving back and fro and dissintegrated into the left, then the middle and then the right like some awesome work of computer art. I uttered the words, "should I trust the mushroom" and I remember that really well because of the feeling of being fooled by the mushrooms. Well there's not so much more to explain about this part of the trip but I turned on my radio cause I needed to have some anchorage to reality, thats how insane it was. The rest of the trip was a mix of alot of in depth thoughts, some writing and alot of laughing.

It wasnt really a bad trip or a really good one it was just too intense for me to enjoy. I want to go that far some day, but I have some tripping to do before I dare eat that much again. This trip tought me alot of things, but most of all the fact that tripping is like jumping from high places... you have to build up your experience and kill your fear before jumping from even higher next time. There are defenately alot of things to experience by tripping that hard but I will only do it again when I know I can enjoy the ride to the maximum. Peace