TONIGHT: Big news today, as this year’s Royal Rumble will consist of 40 men, rather than the traditional 20. I’m sure an official announcement will be made tonight. In one-on-one action, CM Punk faces John Cena. Anyone betting on a clean finish? Anyone?

-WWE Open.

-They did the usual Martin Luther King Jr. day opening. Sadly, no Vince McMahon voice-over. “Long Live The Dream.”

-They opened straight to the arena in Little Rock, Arkansas, where John Cena’s music sounded. They showed the attack by the new Nexus on Cena from three weeks ago. Cena said that was last year, and he’s ready today. Cena said he has New Year’s resolutions, among them, take out Punk, win the Royal Rumble, and win the championship at Wrestlemania. Cena told Punk to come get some. At least he’s not calling him CM Sucks! Instead, the Miz and Alex Riley came out, dressed to the nines. Miz didn’t appreciate Cena saying he was going to win back the WWE Title at Wrestlemania. Miz said no one wants that and that it’s played out. Miz said he’s the most must-see champion in WWE, even more than Cena. He said Raw has been more entertaining than it has been in years thanks to him. Miz also assured Cena that he wouldn’t win the Rumble match, either. Miz noted that for the first-time ever, the Rumble will have 40 men, the biggest match in the history of WWE. He said that whomever wins the Rumble, they shouldn’t come after him. Crowd was firmly, and loudly in Cena’s corner. Miz said if any wrestler comes after him after the Rumble, they’ll share the same fate as Orton will in two weeks: they’ll lose.

Cena made fun of Miz sounding like Ivan Drago. Cena said if it weren’t for Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler would be WWE champion. And if weren’t for Riley, Orton would be champion. Cena said Miz and Riley look like a more feminine version of the Kardashian sisters. Cole called Cena, “the Ricky Gervais of WWE.” He was waiting to get that one out, you could tell. Cena said Miz has had irritable bowel syndrome, which means his body makes “poopy noises.” Cena complimented Lawler for winning last week, so the crowd chanted, “Jerry.” Miz called Cena out for being corny and disputed the fact that he was afraid to fight. He said he can go toe-to-toe with the best brawlers in WWE history. That should bring JBL out, since he has name-dropped him too. He also said he can wrestle the most technical wrestler in WWE history too. “I’m the Miz, and I….” then he paused for the nuclear heel heat he got. Miz said he would finish that sentence when he destroys Orton. Cena said Cena vs. Orton sounds like a Wrestlemania-worthy match. Dear God, no. Cena asked if he was getting under Miz’s skin, then said he “must see Miz do something about it.” Another “Cena” chant. Before the two could come to blows, CM Punk came out with his Nexus group.

Punk said Miz doesn’t have to prove himself to the jerk known as John Cena. Punk said with 40 men, Cena’s chances are as low as they’ve ever been. But aren’t everyone’s chances that low? He talked about Nexus proving themselves through initiations last week, and they’re only job is to ensure he wins the Rumble. Punk said he couldn’t wait to see Cena take on those odds. David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty and Husky Harris walked to the ring. Miz and Riley exited. The new Nexus attacked Cena, but Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov ran out to help. They cleared the ring of the new Nexus. Man, if Marella and Kozlov can help clear the ring of you, that is not a good sign. Punk huddled with Nexus and then led the new Nexus to the ring. Before they could hit, the GM chimed in. Cole read that if any Nexus member interferes in the Punk vs. Cena match tonight, that member(s) will be out of the Rumble match. Are they even IN the Rumble match? I must’ve missed that announcement.

(1) The Usos vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov- WWE Unified Tag Team Championship MatchCole said this indeed was supposed to start the show last week, before Nexus attacked. Double-team early by the Usos. Santino with a monkey flip on one of the Usos, and both men were down. Both made tags and Kozlov was all offense. Powerslam, but the pin was broken up by Jey. He was tossed over the top rope by Kozlov. Jimmy elbowed out of Kozlov’s suplex, but Vlad hit him with a headbutt. Marella set up the Cobra, which connected.

Winners: Marella and Kozlov, at 2:21. Yep, this is the upper echelon of WWE’s tag division.

-Nexus was still upset backstage about the GM’s ruling, when Punk walked in. They immediately fell silent. Punk looked each of them in the eye, smiling. “Faith,” he finally said. The other Nexus members didn’t know what to make of it. Will we see the return of Tarver or Sheffield?

-John Morrison was walking backstage, when he came upon his opponent tonight, Daniel Bryan. The Bellas joined Bryan, who then walked off ahead of Morrison. Their match is next.

[Commercial Break]

(2) John Morrison vs. Daniel BryanDuring Morrison’s entrance, they showed a video package on him, with many of his highlight reel moves included. Bryan took Morrison down using the arm, but Morrison got to his feet. Dropkick by Bryan sent Morrison to the outside. A stand-off ensued on the outside, then again back inside. Crowd clapped politely as they went to break about 1:20 into the match.

[Commercial Break]

Morrison was stretching the neck of Bryan once the show returned. Side Russian leg sweep by Morrison. Starship Pain missed, after he played to the crowd a bit. Kick to the face by Bryan for a two-count. Bryan locked on Chris Jericho move #933 (arm-bar), but the two ended up colliding with duel cross body blocks in the middle of the squared circle. They got to their feet and slugged it out, but Bryan brought some kicks to the punch party. Hurricanrana by Morrison countered into a roll-up by Bryan for two. The two traded a number of roll-ups until Bryan attempted the LeBell Lock. Morrison squirmed out and did a monkey flip on Bryan into the corner. Flash Kick followed that up, then a running knee to the head. That was enough for him to get the win.

Winner: Morrison, at 7:23. Lawler called this a “classic.” Give me 5-10 more minutes and no commercial break, and then I think they could pull off a classic.

The two babyfaces shook hands in the middle of the ring, but King Sheamus interrupted. Sheamus took credit for Morrison’s upward mobility as of late, saying before Morrison fought Sheamus, he was toiling in mediocrity. Sheamus said he could take that success away from Morrison, too. Sheamus then talked about taking out “tirty-nine” other wrestlers to win the Rumble. He said it was a match designed for a King. He said he’d win, and personally eliminate Morrison and Bryan. -Tonight, John Cena takes on CM Punk with Nexus banned from ringside.

-Also, Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler. It’s next.

[Commercial Break]

-The announcers voiced over a video of WWE winning a Mashable Award for their Stand Up For WWE Campaign. I can’t believe that campaign won ANY awards.

-The Bellas were walking backstage, talking about how hot John Morrison was. One of them said anyone can kiss the pretty ones. Nikki said she was doing everything she could to be Bryan’s first. The two started arguing and made a bet about who could bed him first.

-Justin Roberts introduced Vickie Guerrero. She walked to the ring solo. Her “excuse me” got a lot of heat. I suppose that’s like saying “water is warm” these days. Anyway, she tried to introduce Dolph Ziggler. She only added one more, “excuse me” in there. It’s strange to see Ziggler without the IC title. Randy Orton made his entrance as well. Match is up next.

[Commercial Break]

(3) Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy OrtonBack-and-forth action to start, when Orton got Ziggler in a chinlock. Jaw-breaker by Ziggler broke himself out of it. He kicked away at the legs and mid-section of his opponent. Lawler suggested that Orton’s knee could be hyperextended. Ziggler continued to work over the leg. He wrapped Orton’s leg around the ringpost. Orton fired back with right hands in the corner. Standing dropkick by Ziggler once he got enough room. Cover for two. More work on the leg. Orton got to his feet, but sold the leg quite a bit. Even his back-breaker took a toll. Numerous clotheslines took Ziggler to the mat, then Orton tried his patented DDT. Ziggler snuck in thought and chopped Orton’s knee. Fameasser by Ziggler for a very near-fall. Ziggler locked in the sleeper. When Orton got a little separation, he hit the RKO out of nowhere and picked up the victory.

Winner: Orton, at 8:27. Good match. Ziggler has stepped it up recently and Orton looked good (and motivated) with a new opponent.

After the match, The Miz and Alex Riley attacked Orton. They took the cover off the announce desk off, so Lawler took off his headset. He punched Riley, but Miz threw him over the barricade. Miz continued to beat down Orton. Miz picked Orton up and rammed him spine-first into the ring post. Miz said they weren’t done, so he and Riley threw Orton into the barricade and through it, into where the ring announcer and time keepers sit. The camera seemed to pick up some audio from someone (Mark Yeaton?) who sounded like they were talking to Randy. Yeaton gave Miz a mic and Miz did his “I’m Awesome” catchphrase in a low, evil manner.

-Cena vs. Punk, sans Nexus, still to come.

[Commercial Break]

-A replay of the finish of the previous match, and the post-match attack, aired.

-Punk was kneeling in front of his seated Nexus cohorts in the locker room. He repeated “faith” over and over, then said you need humility to possess faith. Punk said to sacrifice, the soul must be sanctified. He said voices of the undead will ring out in the hearts and souls of the manbeast. What is this, an Ultimate Warrior promo? He said they’re the qualities of loyalty. Then he put his head down and appeared to be praying. The rest of Nexus followed suit.

(4) Maryse vs. NatalyaEve Torres and Melina had joined Cole at the announce table. Nattie tried to hook in the Sharpshooter very early, but Maryse got to the ropes. Facebuster by Maryse for a one-count. Melina wasn’t in the mood to talk. Rear chinlock by Maryse. Natalya picked Maryse up on her back and backed her into the corner. Maryse slapped Nattie, but got kicked in the gut. Discus clothesline by Natalya, then the Sharpshooter. Maryse tried to make it to the bottom rope, but Natalya pulled her to the middle of the ring. Maryse then tapped out.

Winner: Natalya, at 1:39. Well, they didn’t screw anything up. Melina sounded like she screwed up the line she was supposed to respond to Cole with at first, then someone in her headset just told her to be quiet the rest of the time.

Maryse freaked at ringside after the match, yelling at Eve and Cole. Ted DiBiase came out and Maryse shouted that his losing was making her lose. DiBiase got a mic and said Maryse doesn’t think he can win the Rumble, and neither can the fans. He made an open challenge to anyone for an over-the-top-rope challenge to anyone on the Raw roster right now. So of course, they went to break.

[Commercial Break]

-DiBiase was still in the ring saying no one has answered him because they know they can’t beat him. But then Mark Henry came out.

(5) Ted DiBiase vs. Mark Henry- Over-The-Top-Rope ChallengeHenry won.

Winner: Henry, at :28 Henry won. Really not anything more at all to say.

After the match, a bunch of Raw wrestlers who are usually seen on Superstars ran out and for no reason started trying to throw each other over the top rope. There were a number of refs, so apparently this is a real thing. William Regal was out first, then Tyson Kidd and Primo eliminated themselves. Sheamus came out of nowhere when Henry had Zack Ryder in an overhead slam. Sheamus eliminated Ryder, then Darren Young, DH Smith and R-Truth. Lawler rejoined Cole at ringside. Yoshi Tatsu was eliminated somewhere in here too. In the end, Henry ended up tossing Sheamus. No bell, so I guess it wasn’t legit. Oh well. Not a great showing, again, for Sheamus. As Henry celebrated, Alberto Del Rio came out.

Del Rio said it was his destiny to win the Rumble match. He said he would win at Wrestlemania and become the greatest of the great. He started arguing with Henry off-mic as his music played. Weird segment.

-Cena, Punk, no Nexus, main event.

[Commercial Break]

-In a pre-tape, NXT’s Derrick Bateman was dressed as a doctor. He said those at the Derrick Bateman institute have made a cologne called “World’s Strongest Man.” He sprayed it and then made a funny face. Henry did a voice-over, talking about some odd side-effects. Bateman continued to make faces and smelled his shoe. “Are you strong enough?” he said. Cole and Lawler weren’t even laughing at that when they went to them on-camera.

-Cole sent it to a video package of the Royal Rumble numbers, a video that has become the norm the past few years. 24 winners…656 superstars have tried to win…39 career eliminations is the record, held by Shawn Michaels…26 is the total number of WWE Hall-of-Famers who have competed…183,000+ pounds of wrestlers that have competed…2 women competitors, Chyna and Beth Phoenix…11 is the record number of eliminations in one match, that being held by Kane- He’s about to be in his 13th straight Rumble…Rey was in for 62:12 for the longest appearance in a Rumble match…shortest Rumble time is now Santino Marella at :01…Three wins by Steve Austin is the record…70% of Rumble winners won the title at Wrestlemania.

-Cole and Lawler talked about the two other matches that have been made for that show so far.

-Next week’s main event, live from Detroit, is champion vs. champion, Edge vs. The Miz.

-Cena was talking to someone backstage, then began walking. He grabbed someone’s phone, someone who was talking on it, said something, then hung it up and threw it in the guy’s food. Cena is in action next.

[Commercial Break]

(6) CM Punk vs. John CenaNexus walked out with Punk, but did not follow him to the ring. Lawler did another hazing PSA, like last week. The two went toe-to-toe to start things off and did some trash talking as well. The fisticuffs soon flew, with Cena getting the upper hand before long. Hard whip into the buckle by Cena. Punk recovered and did a baseball slide that sent Cena to ringside. More after this…

[Commercial Break]

Punk had Cena in a bit of a headscissors maneuver. Cena made it to his feet still in the move, thus getting Punk up with an electric chair. Punk hopped down though and took Cena down for a two-count. Cole talked about Punk offering “hope” to the young men of Nexus. Another headscissor. Cena began his comeback with shoulder tackles and a front suplex. Five-Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk countered the AA and kicked Cena in the face. Punk did appear to have a scratch under his eye, perhaps from the live event issue over the weekend. Bulldog by Punk, but Cena kicked out at two. Punk signaled for the GTS, but Cena countered and locked in the STF. Punk made it to the bottom rope. Center of the ring, but both men were knocked down. Another AA try, but Punk broke it by getting to the top rope and leveling Cena with a kick to the head. Top-rope clothesline got a two-count. Cole reset things at 11:00 EST as the two men battled in the middle of the ring. Punk took Cena down and applied the Anaconda Vice. Cena got up on his hands and knees and tried to get to the bottom rope. He went down near the ropes and finally extended his arm to get to the rope. Cena went to the apron, gasping for air. Boot to the face by Punk, sending Cena to ringside. Punk tried a slingshot bodypress, but Cena caught him and slammed him spine-first into the post. Punk was pushed into the ring as he continued to recover on the outside. Cena went to the top, but Punk stopped him. He went up and tried to suplex Cena down, but Cena overpowered him and headbutted him. Cena measured Punk, then he connected with the Sicilian Slice for two. As Cena got to his feet, and unidentified big man came out of the crowd and onto the apron (FCW’s Batista look-alike, Mason Ryan). He kicked away a security guard and distracted Cena long enough for Punk to kick Cena in the head. Punk smiled as the guy entered the ring. Then he closed his eyes and held out his arms, allowing the guy to kick him in the face. The ref rang the bell.

Winner: Punk, via DQ, at 15:46.

After the match, Ryan gave Cena a uranage-like move. Then the rest of Nexus came down to lift Punk up. Ryan knelt down in front of Punk and put his arm out. Punk put a Nexus arm-band on the guy. The crowd booed as Nexus stood, arm outstretched in a fist, as the show closed.

Jeez LOUISE, it sure looked like Batista. Then I was like, "Wait," then I was like, "Maybe?" I still wasn't sure until I went to WWE.com, where he's listed as "a nameless colossus". Batista has had variable appearances across the years, after all. Though I guess Ryan didn't have any tattoos.

MARK HENRY! Way to go.

Bryan/Morrison, Orton/Ziggler and Cena/Punk were ALL excellent matches.

"Justice has a name. And the name it has, besides 'justice', is Captain Hammer."--The Mayor, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog

Really liked the wrestling tonight, though distracted by - a finish as inane as Randy pinning Ziggler clean. you've come to expect it, sure. it doesn't ultimately matter, sure. why not just not book that match, how about. argh I hate the world champion vs world champion matches too, I am become guy who complains.- Daniel Bryan being a virgin LOL? I guess we have to wait for the punchline. Actually if the Bellas have mistaken being a virgin for being a vegan I take it all back. All of it.- and saddest of all, Derrick Bateman doing, ugh, Raw comedy. :( :( :(

Morrison/Bryan and Cena/Punk were top of the line PPV quality matches though, plus a Bella bet with twin shenanigans is by all means welcome.

Yeah, the Bateman thing was funny. Made funnier by Mark Henry actually doing the voice-overs. All that was missing was the old "Sexual Chocolate" music.

Y'know, when Jericho and Christian did the whole "I bet I can get her (Trish or Lita) to put out first" thing back in 2004, they were both thought of as being assholes. So... it's okay when women do it?

"Justice has a name. And the name it has, besides 'justice', is Captain Hammer."--The Mayor, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog

D'oy, it just occurred to me to mention this, and now I think it's brilliant:

Someone finally came to the realization that if you're going to interfere in a match, attack the guy you're really there to help. At first you think CM Punk, the new guy, or both are just a little bit crazy, with the new guy attacking Punk one moment and joining Nexus the rest.

Then you realize, "Oh. End result: a DQ win for Punk."

"Justice has a name. And the name it has, besides 'justice', is Captain Hammer."--The Mayor, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog

I gave it a few weeks to see how it would shake out, but I hate the new Nexus. Wade took all the talent with him to Smackdown. On RAW, Punk has a bunch of turds calling themselves Nexus.

The Nexus concept was young NXT guys who felt abused by WWE and become an anarchic force within WWE who could do whatever they pleased to whomever they pleased while creating fear and chaos. That's long gone now. Punk's Nexus is a cult; and Cole and King have made sure that's gotten across. It's basically a rehash of the Straight Edge Society. It's not Nexus at all. I think it sucks.

Best thing on the show was the Royal Rumble By The Numbers video package.

I'm not sure who came off worse: Melina by not saying anything or Eve by talking with nothing to say. Bellas got it over all both these broads.

I would like partial credit on the main event. Actually, as long I'm taking credit for things that are not worth taking credit for, I'd like to also take credit for yelling "MARK HENRY" at the TV repeatedly when Ted made the annual heel over the top rope challenge. A tradition like none other!

Originally posted by JustinShapiro- a finish as inane as Randy pinning Ziggler clean. you've come to expect it, sure. it doesn't ultimately matter, sure. why not just not book that match, how about.

I'm sure the idea was to show that Dolph could be very competitive against a multi-time champion, even if he didn't get the win. All those SmackDown promos tonight that started with "This is DOLPH ZIGGLER" seemed to say WWE doesn't believe the fans really know who this guy is, still. Maybe he can introduce himself or something?

But this is the sort of match you do before Dolph gets the title shot, not after. It's very unhelpful unless Dolph gets the win back over Orton soon, and then it's still mildly unhelpful because why should either challenger be losing?

- Daniel Bryan being a virgin LOL? I guess we have to wait for the punchline. Actually if the Bellas have mistaken being a virgin for being a vegan I take it all back. All of it.

Punchline: Daniel Bryan has been so uninterested in the Bellas because he's been secretly dating [insert name of Diva here]!

Y'know, when Jericho and Christian did the whole "I bet I can get her (Trish or Lita) to put out first" thing back in 2004, they were both thought of as being assholes. So... it's okay when women do it?

Originally posted by JustinShapiroActually if the Bellas have mistaken being a virgin for being a vegan I take it all back. All of it.

That would pretty much be the best possible payoff, but I think we know by now there's nobody in the company who would come up with that, sadly. I'll hold out hope that post-sex Bryan becomes evil, as per media precedent, and he becomes the evil tie-choking, face-spitting Daniel Bryan once more.

I figure that Kane could just come in with a new mask- The one X-Pac stole was his second one anyway, I believe (didn't he have an older mask with more red and less black?), so it's not really that big a deal.