Fitness

This is the last week I had planned to document my self prescribed fitness journey and I am keeping to that. At the end of these five weeks I definitely feel a change for the better. I am excited to continue on and am already eyeing up Darebee‘s “post apocalyptic fitness quest” as it only seems fitting to pair with Zombies, Run!

Day 1 – Ass Effect

It being a lazy kind of Sunday, the first day this week comprised of a workout from Darebee. I did a little search for a full body program and came across Andromeda. It seemed only fitting to do it as the demise of the game had been announced the day before. Some parts were more challenging than others, especially the squat hold side bends. Mass Effect Andromeda itself definitely wasn’t as painful as doing 20 of them in a row, trust me. I was quite confused with the toe taps as I found them a bit too easy. I watched the Darbee supplement video and was still unsure as to where I might have been going wrong. Maybe I am just slowly turning into a woman of steel (hilarious).

Day 2 – Foiled Again

I came home starved from work and devoured a mint chocolate Fulfil bar and half a turkey sandwich before I went out. Bad idea. I was going fine, doing my usual thing and then I got hit with the double zombie chase again. The only difference this time being that I didn’t completely give up. I still got caught by the zombies for not being quick enough. After this I could feel the sandwich sitting in my stomach which made me feel quite ill. It was not fun. I soldiered on and thankfully the chases all occurred in the first half of my outing so I had time to recover myself. I can feel myself getting less motivated to go outside for runs as my work day is so long. I have entered the Halloween virtual race though so hopefully it’s a momentary lapse. Saying that, I did admire my own persistence in the face of nausea.

Day 3 – Croft-fit

I love Tomb Raider so when I found a Croft inspired work out I was 100% ready. After all, if I wouldn’t have the ability to survive what Lara has survived and still climb like a mountain goat then what is point of life? I felt very brave on this day (clearly) so I added a 6kg dumbbell in each hand for the lunges and lost count a few times on things so I definitely did more that I had to. It got rough but like Lara, I got through it. The hardest part were the plank jump-ins, it was work in itself trying to keep my leggings on. I was glad to go to bed after seven sets.

Day 4 – Clarke Kent-ing It

I didn’t have as much freedom with my days this week as one will be spent packing and another will begin on a plane. I also used a day to attend Odeon’s Screen Unseen for the first time (worth it). So Wednesday was my last opportunity to shove some exercise in. As I had to stay later in work this day I was going to be in no position to go home, eat dinner, go out for a run and still be able to get to bed at my usual hour. I had a light-bulb moment and searched up Darebee to see if there was some sneaky office workout I could complete as I would be alone for the evening. Luckily there were a few to choose from. I opted for the Chair Abs workout and completed 5 sets. It was a lot harder than it looked (especially on a very mobile office chair) and I did not want to obtain B.O. for the commute home. I dabbed some Soap and Glory anti-bacterial gel under my pits just in case. I know I’m gross.

Sounds To Crunch To – The Soft Hum of Office PCs

T-Shirt of the Week

I bought this gem in GAME on a trip to London but I’ve seen it in loads of other merch retailers. Charisma was the best perk until Fallout 4 ruined it on me. Side-note: who needs to iron when you’re suave?

I had to stay in work later on multiple days so it was challenging to fit some exercise in this week. I also had a trip to the cinema and the theatre come up. Still, despite feeling like my eyes were going to fall out of my head due to tiredness, I managed to squeeze in three sessions of exercise. You’ll also be glad to hear that there was no sesh this week so I was neither injuring myself or ruining my hydration levels.

Day 1 – No Butts About It

My knee was still very much oozing from week 3’s fall at this stage so I went to Darebee to find something appropriate to do. Since I did an arm workout the day before, I figured I’d look at my lower half. This brought me to Killer Butt, a workout that focuses on your glutes. I was most scared about the single leg deadlifts because they looked extremely difficult. Shockingly enough I was well able to do them without falling over (there were only a few wobbles). I even did ten on each leg as opposed to the prescribed five. My butt didn’t thank me for it but I felt like a superhero.

Day 2 – Emer Warrior Princess

I looked to Darebee again on this day because the heavens absolutely lashed out of it. I came home like a drowned rat and was in no mood to go outside for a run. To make up for this I went in search of a full body workout and ended up with The Princess. It promised me “successive exercises that pile up the load with a combination of combat moves and concentric muscle movements.” It definitely delivered. Fair warning: clamshells are deceptively difficult.

I think butterfly sit-ups are the first sit-ups I’ve managed ever.

I donated to the website for the first time on this day. It really is a great resource and the team do it all ad free and are non-profit!

Track also “designed for the kind of Princess who prefers a sword to a mirror and is better at serving up a knuckle sandwich than embroidery” – Sleigh Bells – Riot Rhythm

Day 3 – Nuclear Apocalypse Meet Zombie Apocalypse

I had to force myself to go out on this day. After being up since 6am I didn’t get to my doorstep until half 7 in the evening with a very empty belly and heavy eyelids. I grabbed something quick to eat and went out with Zombies, Run! I had the genius idea of going the opposite direction this time in order to keep things interesting. I made one wrong turn though and had to double back on a very busy road. To think I got lost on a route familiar to me because I went the opposite way is hilarious. I did an episode for 50 minutes with zombie chases turned up the eight per hour with an 18% increase needed to evade them. I put on music from Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas for this run. Jingle Jangle Jingle was the first track to greet me and I was living my very best life.

The middle week of my self-prescribed fitness regime has been quite the adventure.

Day 1 – Godkiller, More Like Kill Me

I was so happy when I saw Darebee put up a Wonder Woman inspired workout. The Buttercup workout I used my first week was challenging but manageable so I presumed it would be about the same. I was very wrong. Buttercup is described as “a workout that despite its relatively light load still manages to be tough” and Godkiller? Judge for yourself below.

It was very tough but they weren’t lying when they said I would feel like I could go toe to toe with Zeus himself. Well, after I spent a good ten minutes sprawled across my bed I did.

Day 2 – Rick Grimes Disapproves

If I were in the middle of a zombie apocalypse on this day I would not have lasted very long. I booted up my Zombies, Run! app and began my journey. When I got a fair bit away from my house my nose started to run and it was all I could focus on. So much so that I nearly got killed by a car coming out of a driveway. Any other day I would have tissues stashed somewhere. I did consider just wiping it in my t-shirt for a millisecond before I thought better of it. It was also really warm on that day and my poor Irish body nearly went into shock.

Feeling brave I had upped my frequency of zombie chases by one. This made it eight zombie chases per hour while I was doing fifty minutes. Grand, I thought, make it a tiny bit more challenging. I don’t know what I did in a past life to deserve what happened to me on this day. I finished a chase only to have another begin straight after it. It was hell. I had my speed for chases at 18% more than my previous pace so I think the app must have added 18% onto the 18% I had just done. Needless to say I didn’t evade the second hoard of zombies and got caught for the first time. I only lost a pack of virtual bandages but I don’t think I will ever relax after completing a zombie chase ever again.

What demon possessed my app and did this to me?

I was so #shook that later on I ended up being passed out by a man, only to have to pass him out in a chase. Then when adjusting my headphones I pulled them out of my phone so I stopped the whole thing for fear of a repeat of multiple chases. He then passed me out again and must have been very confused.

Day 3 – Unremarkable

Day 3 was a struggle, it was the first day I wasn’t really in the mood for anything. I did my fifty minutes of Zombies, Run! anyway and just went with it. Obviously I still had the fear in me after my double chase incident so that energised me a bit. I put the chase frequency down by one again but the app still gave me eight chases. I found myself running slower in the chases on this day but it probably worked out better as I was running for a longer period. Speaking of periods, on returning home I realised that mine had arrived. Mystery of my apathy solved. Do you think they go on tampon/pad runs in the Walking Dead?

Day 4 – I’m Still a Mess

To top off what was a messy week of exercise, I tripped walking home after a couple of social drinks and I tore up my knee pretty badly. I wouldn’t mind but I genuinely wasn’t in any state that would warrant falling flat on my face (maybe I’m lying to myself). So to give my poor knee a break I chose an arms and back workout from Darebee. I completed it using 6kg hex dumbbells. I was very impressed with myself for completing it as it was quite tough.

This week I ended up doing three days instead of last week’s four. All entirely my fault of course. An impromptu sesh on Saturday meant that Sunday was off limits for exercise. Also my phone had a mid-week dip in the toilet so my priorities were slightly skewed (it’s fine btw). I did manage to up my activity on the days I did exercise so all was not completely lost.

A girl’s gotta live

Day 1 – Doubling Back

After my issues with timing the previous week, I decided to up the zombie chase frequency in the Zombies, Run! app and also moved my workout to 45 minutes from 30. I was now on season 1, episode 3 and had been looking forward going out all day. The change of timing worked out well for the most part. However, I had to run past my house and double back because I gave myself too much time and not enough area to cover. It was awkward but only a minor annoyance. I pulled up my leggings at the start of the run and ended up pulling my underwear with them. Now that was the worst thing about the run for a good 10 minutes.

Day 2 – Cyclists, Great!

On day 2 I was rearing to go. I had begun building up my base in the Zombies, Run! app and was hungry for more virtual resources. I was so ready for this day that I upped my time to 50 minutes and set my speed for chases to 18% more than my normal pace. I would say that day 2 of this week had to be the most nerve wracking. I was very conscious of the probability of zombies. I was so engrossed in this that I spent much of my run thinking of tactics to lessen my chances of coming across a horde around a pedestrian crossing. I felt like a real runner in a zombie apocalypse.

The worst moment involved a mother cycling with her two daughters slowly. My path was eventually going to run out and I had to cross. The mother was cycling on the cycle path which would have been fine if her daughters weren’t spread across the narrow pedestrian path. Luckily for me they turned the corner. Unluckily for me though, a chase soon started and I was met with two slow walkers (real people) and a stretch of road with a very dangerous crossing at the end. I absolutely legged it only to have the chase stop right at the crossing. I changed my route on this day and finally didn’t under or over estimate the distance.

Day 3 – Abs-olutely in Bits

For the last day I went with the abs programme I wrote out for myself. I extended my planking sets to 45 seconds from 30 and added weight to my Russian twists. I had zero motivation and found it boring but got through it. I might look at it again for the next three weeks to change it up a little more.

T-Shirt of the Week

I bought this from a shop in Brick Lane in London forever ago that has a cat in it. There’s a lot of pictures of the shop with the cat but nobody has named it! I really wish I knew it because this t-shirt is one of my favourites.

Back when I was fresh out of university (also annoyingly unemployed) my first proper fitness journey began. I joined a local gym. I had guidance from a warrior of a woman who gave me programmes that guaranteed I wouldn’t slack off. It helped immensely that every two weeks she would weigh and measure me and go into detail about what was happening to my body. I never started with the intention of being skinnier so my tailored workouts had the desired result of converting some fat to muscle while keeping me pretty much the same weight. I was in there four times a week while I also attended a level 5 FETAC business course in order to up my job prospects. I felt like I had a tiny bit of the Wonder Woman fantasy in my grasp.

After a year and a bit things started to fall apart. My trainer began to cancel appointments sporadically. Adding onto this, I managed to bag myself a job in retail. Although thankful for the job, my motivation suffered. I was never off the same days in a week and working shifts of 12 hours around Christmas really took it out of me. I tried to go in the evenings but found them far too busy and the atmosphere far too territorial. The nail on the coffin really was when my trainer left. After a while I bit the bullet and asked somebody else to help me but it just wasn’t the same. They didn’t go into half as much detail or put in as much effort as the other trainer. I had it far too good before!

Cut to now and I am long out of the gym scene. I am also (thankfully) a couple of months out of that awful retail job. Unfortunately I have swapped standing for 8 or 12 hours of the day doing physical work for sitting working and commuting for 11 hours. So, I decided a few weeks ago that something had to be done, even if it would only help me to readjust my energy levels. I took the knowledge I picked up while training and made up my own personal 5 week programme.

Like, do you even lift bro if you don’t announce it to the internet?

Day 1 – Ab-ocalypse:

The first day consisted of an ab programme that mimicked one I had previously. The layout of the workout it quite simple, 10 different exercises at 20 reps each. Then you repeat that four times to make that a grand total of only 800 reps. I will admit that two of the exercises I chose were two types of planks, so I’m not quite doing 800. I got all of my exercise choices from the extremely informativeThe Women’s Health Big Book of Exercises (Easons €27.99)which also comes in a Men’s Health format. I had my Excel spreadsheet printed out on the wall, ready for sweaty old me to tick off as I finished a set. For my first day back, I definitely set myself a challenge. I was lucky though, the ab cramps didn’t set in until two whole days later.

Day 2 – Actual Apocalypse

I’m no runner but for some reason I paid for the yearly subscription of Zombies, Run! (€27.49)on iOS (the base app is free). It was a very humid day so my aversion to running did not fare well. It was more of a “Zombies, walk really fast until you might do a little running.” Saying that, I had a great time with it. I began with the episode section of the app and found myself completely immersed in the story being relayed to me through my earphones. Hearing that I was picking up items every so often was also very effective in motivating me to carry on. I figured I might be sticking to the intervals of running for the foreseeable future so made the decision to turn on the zombie chases on my next venture. I set the mission for 30 minutes but had not ended up back home at the end so there was a few tweaks I had to make for the next run.

Day 3 – Zombies, Where?

I still hadn’t figured stuff out on my second outing with Zombies, Run!. I set up zombie chases but didn’t pay enough attention to the automatic frequency setting of 3 per hour which of course is terrible for a half hour episode. That meant I spent even more time walking just in case I would have to run away from a horde. It was quite comical really. I went from saving my energy to desperately trying to run sections with pedestrian crossings in case I got devoured while waiting for the lights to change. If anyone around knew what was going on in my head they would judge, harshly. It was an epic outing however, as I got caught in a torrential rain shower. There was no danger of zombies, but I did have to leap over drain covers so I wouldn’t slip and break my neck in real life. I have to give it to the zombie horde though, they showed up just as I stopped my session on the app.

Day 4 – Buttercup, She’s the Toughest Fighter

For the final day of my programme I looked to one of my favourite websites, Darebee. It is a treasure trove of workouts, meal plans, exercise RPGs (yes you read that) and daily challenges. Best of all, most workouts are equipment free and inspired by everyone’s favourite figures in pop culture. You want to train like Goku? You can train like Goku. With much consideration I went for one of my favourites, Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls. I really went for it and did the 7 sets which Darebee mark as the hardest difficulty for that workout. I can tell you, 350 knee strikes is no joke.