Friday, November 11, 2005

Coming This Christmas: Furry, Heated B-Cups

The Associated Press reports:

Furry, heated bras may soon appear in some Japanese wardrobes as the country prepares for "Warm Biz" - a nationwide government campaign urging workers to bundle up and save energy on heating this winter.

The Warm Biz Bra, unveiled this week by Tokyo-based underwear maker Triumph International, is lined with material that the company says helps save warmth.

The bra also has removable pads that can be heated in a microwave or hot water - as well as long, furry straps that wrap around the neck like a scarf, and matching shorts.

In an attempt to cut energy use, Japan's government has recommended setting thermostats this winter at 19 degrees Celsius (66 degrees Fahrenheit) for government buildings, and 20 degrees Celsius (68 degrees Fahrenheit) for private companies.

The government said this year's June-August "Cool Biz" campaign - which had bureaucrats and politicians sporting open-collar, short-sleeve shirts to cut down on air conditioning - saved 210 million kilowatt hours, enough to power 720,000 households for a month.

Western fashionistas have overwhelmingly turned their noses up at seasonally appropriate fads, but goddamnit, these bras come with dangling chili pepper pendants! My concern - and this is not a laughing matter, people - is that the arrival of garments that might actually compliment the bulk of Sienna Miller's footwear will spark a complete overhaul of the British star's wardrobe, which could be the precarious Jenga piece that brings down the entire UGG empire. If there's a silver lining to this blackest of clouds, it's that a sudden and catastrophic abandonment of millions of oversized, shaggy, unnaturally-pigmented boots could offer Jessica Simpson an opportunity to relaunch her erstwhile world-saving campaign. It's getting pretty cold in Pakistan right now, and those boots are faux-fur-lined, cozy, and exceedingly stylish....