Thursday, August 22, 2013

As a beautiful, thick and curvy black woman whoes been a participant in interracial dating, I've been asked one question by a lot of my friends who are contemplating giving dating a twirl in the swirl world.

Here is the thing that is often overlooked about white men. They are MEN! They don't come from other planets. They like hips and thighs just as much as the next man. Yes, I know, most often you see pictures of interracial couples featuring slender or super fit black women and white man. You don't often see plus size black women and white men. However, don't give up hope. I've searched high and low to come up with evidence that this pairing is not as uncommon as you might think.

So, I bet your saying: now that I know they like thick chicks, how can I meet these guys?? Ever tried online dating? (WAIT!! HEAR ME OUT ) Yes, I know online dating has it's drawbacks, however, it's like shopping at Marshalls, Ross or T.J. Max, if you sift through the really cheap crap, you can make some really nice finds. If you're interested in meeting men who are attracted to plus sized women, try looking up dating sites just for plus size women and the men who can't get enough of them. I have personally been on a few BBW dating sites and although I didn't find my Mr. Right. I did meet a few nice guys who are now good friends of mine. At the time I was fairly new to interracial dating so I was amazed at the number of white men who contacted me. I was further surprised a few times when I was rejected by guys for not being big enough!!. Apparently there are men who want super sized big beautiful women(SSBBW). Now I am not one to judge, however, I have to question a guy who wants his woman to be nearly bed ridden by her weight. There are men called "Feeders", all they want to do is feed their women so that they stay overweight. I have a problem with that. It's just an unhealthy behavior.
So my suggestion, if you are a plus sized lady looking to date interracially, try online dating to get your feet wet, but use common sense.

If the idea of dating someone online seems overwhelming, try locating a interracial Meetup group in your area. If you can't find one, try starting your own, you might be surprised at how many people are just waiting for that type of group in your area.

If you build it, they will come!

Another great way to meet people is on Facebook. There are a lot of interracial group on Facebook. Now some have more quality people than others, however, I say different strokes for different folks. If you're interested in something long term, look for a group with that type of environment. If you want a weekend fling there are groups for that too. Make sure you conduct yourself responsibly, and keep your guard up and your eyes open until you feel comfortable with the guy.

DISCLAIMER***I love technology. however, places such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and online dating sites often embolden perverts, haters and racist. All of those sites have "block" features. Use them!!

If you like a more face to face approach, try getting out and volunteering. You will meet like minded individuals while providing help to people who need it. Find something you're passionate about and go support it with your time and efforts. You might be surprised at who you might find.

Also, Google is great for finding things which are hidden. There are BBW clubs, and events all over the place such as http://www.bbwdistrict.com/ I found this site just by Googleing "BBW Events"

I close this blog out with this last bit of insight. In my search, I have found copious amounts of evidence that not only do white men date plus size black women, they also fall in love and marry them too!! So what are you waiting for! You could be married by now. LOL

Sunday, August 4, 2013

On August 5th I will be 39. Yes, you saw right 39. I am not one of those women who staunchly refuse to tell you her age. I am, however, one of those women who approach birthdays with trepidation. (picture weeping and gnashing of teeth). Maybe it's my vain Leo nature. We can be creatively dramatic at times. Which ironically,makes me a great writer, but it sucks for anyone who has to be around me on my birthday.

I know, I know, I'm blessed to have seen another year. I get that, but it changes nothing LOL. A few years back I adopted a coping mechanism. I started treating my birthdays as if they were my "New Years". It was my way of looking at aging as an exciting work in progress, rather then a slow walk to the guillotine.

Each year on the anniversary of my birth, I came up with my vision for the next 12 months.What did I want to accomplish in a years time. It worked, I was moving through my year with a goal in mind and I felt a sense of pride in the fact that I was attaining things I'd dreamed of. There was still something missing though, and I really didn't put it together until recently.

Sure, I was setting and achieving certain goals but to what end. As this birthday approached, my emotions again started getting the better of me. Then, one day as I was driving to work my spirit said to me, "You're thinking too small. You are only looking 12 months out, but what about 12 years from now. What do you want the culmination of these months to add up to?" That question was profound to me. I mean, I didn't know, I had a loose idea of what I wanted but I'd never looked at making my annual goals count towards a bigger plan.

I mean seriously, if you don't know where you want to go, how can you go about getting there. This thinking was text book for me. I had heard it hundreds of times in my life, but I guess it hadn't clicked until recently. It's like getting on the road and just driving without a destination in mind, taking life as it comes. In my twenties and early thirties I saw life as a random series of events to be lived through, learning lessons along the way. Then I got older. I'm not knocking that approach. I lived that approach, but getting older, at least in my case, has made me realize that it's important to use your time here wisely and FOR A PURPOSE, you only have a certain amount of year, do you bullshit it away investing in people and things that do nothing but waste your time (you know who and what they are) or do you look at the bigger picture? decide what you want all of this time to add up to and start working towards that year by year.

As I look out my window and see 40 walking down my street, I realize I am the type of person who has to have a plan. It would be easier for me to live the random life, but I am a bit of an analytic in many ways. Things have to make sense. I firmly believe we are here to learn lessons, but also to be an asset to our bloodlines. As a black American, my ancestor went through pure hell for me to sit here and type out this blog. So many didn't even make it to the shores of America during the passage from Africa. Many bloodlines were also extinguished during slavery, but I am here, which means my bloodlines are strong, I am the product of winners and survivors. It's up to me to see that when I leave this earth, my family has accomplished more than my fore fathers. I honestly could speak about that for hours but I will stay in my lane this time. LOL (I told you I was a thinker.)

At any rate, as I approach this birthday, it is with a renewed mind. I have a five year goal in mind now, and I am piecing together how the next 60 months will look. This step from micro thinking to macro thinking has been eye opening for me. I'm sure there are people who have been doing this all their lives and it's second nature for them to live like this, but it's new to me and I am excited to see the results. It's given my life perspective; it's given my thoughts a new avenue down which to travel. Without a long term goal in life you can and will accomplish things however, they will be arbitrary. Before you know it, random events will choose your destiny for you. You will go where those events take you, and there are many paths in life to take, some productive some counter productive. By knowing what your interest are, what you value most and what you believe, you can define where you want your life to go. You can choose how you want to spend your time here on earth.When you make decisions, even the tough ones...especially the tough ones, it will be with your long term goal in mind. I can see how that could make tough decisions a bit easier. So, having a long term goal is important. That's what I'm all about for now. I know you've listened to me preach enough LOL... I have a Blog Hop to host now!!!

Yes! this is also, a SUPER SPECIAL BIRTHDAY BLOG!!!!!

I happen to share birthdays with two other very talented writers (Stephanie Williams and Eden Royce) and we are celebrating our birthday by giving you(yes, you) a chance to win a gift. Each one of us are having a give away. So, how can you win a gift from your's truly Gynger Fyer. It's simple. We all have key words in our blogs. You must read our blogs and locate our individual key words. Once you have the key words "Instant Message" them to me on Face Book. If you are not on FB, you can e-mail them to me at www.gyngerfyer@gmail.com One lucky winner will receive their choice of a $25 gift certificate for Amazon.com, $20 gas card or a $50 gift card to Macy's!!!!

You have until 7p.m. Eastern Standard Time on 08/04/2013 to provide all three key words so your name can be entered into the contest!! What are you waiting for?? Get busy blog hopping!!!

AFTER THOUGHT: (HINT-Keyword is below)
After hearing me moan about turning 39, a good friend of mine told me 40 was fun! At the time I didn't believe that statement. However, with my new found clarity. I can see that 40 can be fun and so can 50 and 60 and 70 and 80 and 90. If I am blessed to see those years, I can't wait to discover the knowledge and wisdom those years will bring. I can't wait to see how that knowledge will impact my writing. I hope you will be there with me throughout this journey. I pray that romance and love will always have relevance in your life. I thank you for reading this post and all of the ones I've written in the last 12 months. I pray that they were an inspiration to you.Speaking of inspiration. Here are some pics of people who are inspiring me for my birthday! My keyword is something all of these ladies have "Fyer"

Angela Bassett

Raquel Welch 70+

stunning and beautiful 56-year-old executive who continues to live healthy and love life.

Visit My Website

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About Me

I'm Gynger Fyer (pronounced Ginger Fire) and I pen Interracial/Multi-cultural romance and erotic fiction. Like my name, I like my stories to be bold, spicy and fiery!

I am an avid reader and fan of romance and erotic fiction.Writing has always been a passion of mine. I believe it's important to follow your dreams and passions so here I am.

Love, Romance, Relationships and yes, Sex are constant themes in my writing because I believe in being open to the beauty of them. I am intrigued with the journeys we embark upon in the pursuit of Love, Romance, Relationships and Sex. My goal as a writer is to introduce you to characters who are on their journey to find that which is unshakable, unfailable and true.

I love and respect life and all of it's contradictions. I seek to use those life experiences in my stories. For me, it all starts out with one question..."WHAT IF?.."

As stated in "The Matrix" movie..."It's the question that drives us." So, I'm in back seat with my laptop, just seeing where the questions take me.