Ozren Kebo-"Sarajevo-A begginer's guide"

Believe it or not

Have you heard that you can make a cake without no eggs, walnuts, sugar or cream; that you can make a superb fish pate using canned sardines, over a fire built with old newspapers; that all you need to light up your home is a bit of oil, a piece of rope, a jar, a glass of water and an old matchstick; that you can effectively eliminate hunger by eating small, meager meals every eight hours, wit a 36-hour break; that you can organize a private, three-year Ramadan fast, even if you are not a believer; that following such a fast, old suits, previously far to small, now fit perfectly; that you never go out on the street flowing a mortar round, for another is already en route towards the same street; that you never go out on the street following two mortar rounds, for the third one is en route too; that you only go out two hours after the last mortar round, as that is the only reliable sign that they have moved to another street; that you can wash your hair and your feet with five liters of water, and then use it to flush the toilet; that the water used for brushing your teeth can be used for washing your dishes (the so-called first rinse, for the tough dirt), and then your toilet; that a canister previously used for petrol can never be clean enough to use it for drinking water- you can only use them for "technical water", to wash your feet and socks and then flush your toilet; that your private library is an excellent material for making the said stove, and that the stove is just an illusion since at twenty below zero there is no library that can keep your home warm for longer then two hours; that books on Marxism, the ones you burn first, do not burn well at all-they are useless because they were printed on the top quality gloss paper that does not burn well, but they can be used instead of Kevlar, as they are thick and sometimes impenetrable to a bullet; that glass from the framed artwork on your wall can be used on your windows, and paintings burn better tan some think, i.e. faster; that shades should always be down, as snipers are not interested in blacked-out windows; that curtains should always be drawn, as they stop the shrapnel flying from far away, after having lost the initial force; that twenty pieces of shrapnel do not do much to car, provided its vital organs have not been affected; that a car won't do much for his owner if there's no fuel; that you can brew excellent coffee using wheat flour and cocoa powder, great grappa from rice, and the best cigarettes using old newspapers and a bit of wool yarn; that is difficult to determine which is worse- the cold or the heat, and that you can never bet on justice, as the statement that it is slow but sure is just a lie? Justice is so fast that no one can catch up with it.