SEO Expert Pretty Sure Your Web Site Could Literally Kill Someone

This is an email from an expert in the SEO field warning you that your web site could literally murder a human being. Your SEO is that bad. Trust me, though, this is not a spam message. I am trying to help you. Your web site is that bad.

Did you know that SEO stands for Search Engine Optimization? Well, I did because I am an expert. SEO is the very most important thing in the universe, and the SEO on your web site is dangerously out of whack. If an elderly person or child should happen to view your web site in its current state, they could easily die.

This is not a spam message.

Search engines like Google rank web sites by how hard they’ve worked on their SEO. You can’t just throw up a web site for your business and hope it’ll be okay. Hell no. You have to add things like relevant keywords into the source code of the site. Otherwise your web site could reach down a child’s optic nerve straight to their brain and fucking kill them.

Are you picking up what I am laying down, here? Or do you want children and old people to literally perish from looking at your god forsaken dog anus of a web site? You’d better get a fucking grip and email an expert (me).

This is in no way a spam message. I am an expert. Email me. Or just Google my name because I have good SEO, obviously. People’s lives are on the line here.

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.