The Black Sheep

6 Ways Hawkeyes Can Battle The Post Thanksgiving Blues

You’ve just returned from a week-long vacation where you drank enough alcohol to kill a small horse, and ate enough comfort food to keep the midterm grades depression at bay. But now it’s time to snap back to reality and whoops, there are only two weeks until finals. So here are 6 ways that University of Iowa students can avoid this sad reality.

6.) Mug Club:

There’s nothing quite like Mug Club. Every Thursday, Brothers bar in Iowa City has a drink special called Mug Club. You purchase a mug for five bucks then refill that same mug with another drink for only one dollar! It’s an Iowa student’s dream scenario that can cure any Thanksgiving meal withdraw.

5.) Swim in the Lazy River at the Rec:

Yes, we still have that, and no, no one uses it. That’s why it’s perfect to go (preferably high), and float around in it for hours. The Rec also has smoothies that are very good, and if you’re feeling frisky you could even start working out and then stop a week later. Because, let’s face it it’s not really worth it.

4.) Go to an Iowa Hawkeye Basketball Game:

The emotion in the players, the crowd, and the saliva spewing from Fran McCaffrey’s mouth as he screams at his players. There’s nothing quite like Iowa Basketball. Are we good? Are we bad? Who really knows? All of us here at The Black Sheep know that the soft serve ice cream at Carver is basically crack. And that’s what truly matters.

3.) Find Out Who has Been Pulling the Fire Alarm at Burge and Torture Them:

Seriously, whoever the lunatic is that has been pulling the fire alarm at two in the morning needs to be caught, strapped to a metal chair, and be forced to listen to “Closer” by The Chainsmokers for 24 hours straight. Okay, that might be a bit of overkill so we’ll opt for a proper flogging instead.

2.) Go Shopping:

Downtown Iowa City is host to some great stores like Ragstock, where you’re pretty sure all of the clothes were pulled out of a dumpster but they still look good enough to wear at tailgate. They also have that Hawkeye Dad shirt that literally every other Iowa student’s father owns. Your dad doesn’t have one? Quick, to the store!

1.) Get Your Shit Together:

Wake up, drink coffee, snort some Adderall, go to the library, and get your entire life together. You’ll most likely end up rolling around on the floor going through convulsions after an hour of this sudden surge of productivity, but it will be worth it in the end. Then after that just let things slide for another six months until you decide to do it all again. Trust us, there’s nothing like having a mental breakdown to end all mental breakdowns to boost your productivity level to 9000%.

We know you’re depressed and probably going through some ~teen angst~, but hopefully these activities snap you out of your funk and will have you ready for finals week. Go forth and conquer.

Yeah, we all have D.A.D.S., just maybe not the kind you were thinking of: