5 Ways to Pick a Mystery Writer Out in a Crowd

In honor of mystery writer friend, Shannon Baker's winning Writer of the Year for RMFW I've decided to offer some helpful tips to those needing a little help picking out a mystery writer when in a crowded room. This will be helpful in September during the Colorado Gold Conference, so take note!

5) See that woman with the grey hair? Yep. She's a mystery writer. In fact, most mystery writers I know are older women same as mystery readers. The bloodier the better for this blood-thirsty lot. That's why we love them (and yes, I am one of them, I just use a lot of hair dye and lye to get rid of the bodies).

4) See that guy twirling the end of his mustache? Nope, not a writer, just a serial killer, but if you look directly behind him to the woman unabashedly taking notes on his every move, yep, mystery writer.

3) Ink and often blood stained hands.

2) Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? A mystery writer will answer gun 98 out of 100 times. The other two times the answer is rope and penis.

Grey hair? You talking about me? LOL Here’s another one: When you see a writer smile and nod at someone who’s just been rude, it’s because she’s a mystery writer deciding how to kill that someone in her next novel.

Mystery writers like to go to places like dumps, swamps, and darkened alleys. They’re always searching for the next great body dumping ground. And oh, yeah, I’m with you on the die and the lye. Great post, Julie! 🙂

And whenever a mystery author enters a room/house, she’s looking for 1) who in the area would be the most likely killer (and thus the accused), 2) who would be the least likely killer (and thus the one who really ‘done it’), and 3) the best place to stash a body.

The mystery writer is the one who gets hauled away by Homeland Security due to suspicious internet searches beginning with “How do I…” and ending with dispose of a body, blow up a car, or use a poison the coroner won’t discover. Fun post, J. A.! And congrats to Shannon!

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2016 Anthology: Found

FOUND : Sometimes things are better off lost. And sometimes they were never meant to disappear. Either way, when they’re found, everything changes. Explore illuminating tales of short fiction that reveal the consequences of finding something once lost or better off forgotten. These stories will draw you in and show you the profound changes that happen when something is found. This collection contains both award-winning and talented new writers including Mark Stevens, Dean Wyant, J.A. Kazimer, Joshua Viola, Diana Holguin-Balogh, Terry Kroenung, Natasha Watts, and more. More Info