A glow in the dark used condom filled with water makes an even cheaper alternative to the actual lava lamp. You could even hang them on your christmas tree for that festive cheer, any shit stains can be rinsed off under the tap.

I overhead this little snippet in the £-shop yesterday.

"Wait outside Rhianna or you'll get no surprises for Christmas"

I followed Rhianna's mother for a while, looking into her basket, oh poor poor poor Rhianna you must have been a very bad girl this year to deserve a load of old tat.