Thursday, September 18, 2008

That's right...Time to let loose your Inner Buccaneer and lay down some Arrrrr and Yo-ho's!

Last year here at Listen to Uncle Jay I gave you some pointers and jargon to work with. You'll find that stuff here... and of course I have an updated list for your to study and peruse.It'll be along a little further down the message...

Before we go any further, there's something we need to be clear about. Pirates were and are bad people. Really reprehensible. Even the most casual exploration of the history of pirates leaves you hip deep in blood and barbarity.

I'm not for one minute suggesting that real, honest-to-God pirates were in any way, shape or form worth emulating.

So what is it exactly that we're celebrating here, if not pirates? What, you're wondering, is the point?

I'm going to be painfully honest here, perhaps fatally so.

The point is, there is no point.

And that's what's fun about Talk Like a Pirate Day specifically, and talking like a pirate in general.

We're talking about the mere image of swaggering pirateness. And while this is a guys' guide, the comely wench will have fun talking like a pirate, too.

So... give me a good "arrr" and throw a "Weigh anchor or I'll give you a taste of the cap'n's daughter!" on the next idiot who staggers into your office.

It's fun...

Okay then, onward!

Vocabulary and Notes, Updated for 2008:

Addled -- Mad, insane, or just stupid. An "addlepate" is a fool.

Aft -- Short for "after." Toward the rear of the ship.

Ahoy -- "Hello!"

Arrr! --This one is often confused with arrrgh, which is of course the sound you make when you sit on a belaying pin. "Arrr!" can mean, variously, "yes," "I agree," "I'm happy," "I'm enjoying this beer," "My team is going to win it all," "I saw that television show, it sucked!" and "That was a clever remark you or I just made."

Avast! -- "Hey!" Could be used as "Stop that!" or "Who goes there?"

Aye! -- "Why yes, I agree most heartily with everything you just said or did."

Aye aye! -- "I'll get right on that sir, as soon as my break is over."

Batten down the hatches. -- put everything away on the ship and tie everything down because a storm is brewing

Beauty – The best possible pirate address for a woman. Always preceded by “me,” as in, “C’mere, me beauty,” or even, “me buxom beauty,” to one particularly well endowed. You’ll be surprised how effective this is.

Begad! -- By God!

Belay -- Stop that. "Belay that talk!" would mean "Shut up!"

Belaying pin -- A short wooden rod to which a ship's rigging is secured. A common improvised weapon aboard a sailing ship, because they're everywhere, they're easily picked up, and they are the right size and weight to be used as clubs.

Bilge! -- Nonsense, or foolish talk. The bilges of a ship are the lowest parts, inside the hull along the keel. They are filled with stinking bilgewater and attorneys-- or just "bilge."

Bilge rat -- The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. Since bilge rat is a pretty dirty thing to call someone, by all means use it on your friends.

Bilge-sucking -- A very uncomplimentary adjective.

Bilge Water -- Water which collects in the bilge or bottom of a ship or other vessel. It is often allowed to remain till it becomes very offensive.

Black Spot -- To "place the Black Spot" on another pirate is to sentence him to death, to warn him he is marked for death, or sometimes just to accuse him of a serious crime before other pirates.

Brethren of the Coast -- The Caribbean buccaneers called themselves by this name in the 1640-1680 period. During this time, they actually formed a sort of fraternity, and did not (usually) fight each other or even steal from each other. After 1680, a new generation of pirates appeared, who did not trust each other . . . with good reason.

Briny deep -- The ocean. Probably no pirate in all history ever used this phrase, but don't let that stop you, especially if you can roll the R in "briny"!

Buccaneer -- A general term for the Caribbean pirates.

Bucko -- Familiar term. "Me bucko" = "my friend."

Cap'n -- Short for "captain."

Captain's Daughter -- Cat o' Nine Tails; A disciplinary/torture device consisting of multiple strands of leather or rope attached to a handle, used to whip someone. Often employed in naval settings.

Cat o'nine tails, or just "cat" -- a whip with many lashes, used for flogging. "A taste of the cat" might refer to a full flogging, or just a single blow to "smarten up" a recalcitrant hand.

Chantey -- A sailor's work song. Also spelled "shantey" or "shanty."

Chase -- The ship being pursued. "The chase is making full sail, sir" = "The ship we're after is going as fast as she can."

Chest -- Traditional treasure container.

Corsair -- A more romantic term for pirate. But still a pirate.

Crow's nest -- A small platform, sometimes enclosed, near the top of a mast, where a lookout could have a better view when watching for sails or for land.

Cutlass -- A curved sword, like a saber but heavier. Traditional pirate weapon. Has only one cutting edge; may or may not have a useful point.

There once was a pirate named BatesWho loved to do the rumba on skates.He fell on his cutlassand now he's quite nutlessand also quite useless on dates."

Davy Jones' locker -- The bottom of the sea.

Deadlights -- Eyes. "Use yer deadlights, matey!"

Dead men tell no tales -- Standard pirate excuse for leaving no survivors.

Dog -- A mild insult, perhaps even a friendly one.

Doubloon -- A Spanish gold coin. At different times, it was worth either 4 or 16 silver pesos, or "pieces of eight."

Fair winds! -- Goodbye, good luck!.

Feed the fish -- What you do when you are thrown into the sea, dead or alive.

Fore -- Short for "forward". Toward the front end of the ship.

Flogging -- Punishment by caning, or by whipping with the cat.

Gangway! -- "Get out of my way!" - Used to clear a passage through a crowded area.

Godspeed! -- Goodbye, good luck!

Grog -- Generically, any alcoholic drink. Specifically, rum diluted with water to make it go farther.

Grub -- Food.

Gun -- A cannon.

Hands -- The crew of a ship; sailors.

Handsomely -- Quickly. "Handsomely now, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Hang the jib -- To look ill-tempered or annoyed. To pout.

Head -- The toilet facilities aboard a modern ship. This will do for modern piratical talk. The toilet facilities aboard an ACTUAL pirate ship do not bear thinking about.

Hornpipe -– Both a single-reeded musical instrument sailors often had aboard ship, and a spirited dance that sailors do. On TLAP Day – We are not big fans of the capering, it’s not our favorite art form, if you will, so we don’t have a lot to say on the subject, other than to observe that the common term for being filled with lust is “horny,” and hornpipe then has some comical possibilities. “Is that a hornpipe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Or both?”

Hornswaggle -- To cheat.

Jack -- A flag or a sailor; showing how sailors would refer to their ship's colors as one of the crew

Jack Ketch -- The hangman. To dance with Jack Ketch is to hang.

Jack Tar, or tar -- A sailor.

Jollyboat -- A small but happy craft, perhaps even one which is a little dinghy.

Jolly Roger -- The pirates' skull-and-crossbones flag. It was an invitation to surrender, with the implication that those who surrendered would be treated well. A red flag indicated "no quarter."

Keelhaul -- Punishment by dragging under the ship, from one side to the other. The victim of a keelhauling would be half-drowned, or worse, and lacerated by the barnacles that grew beneath the ship.

Kiss the gunner's daughter -- A punishment: to be bent over one of the ship's guns and flogged.

Lad, lass, lassie -- A way to address someone younger than you.

Landlubber or just lubber -- A non-sailor.

Letters of Marque -- Papers issued by a national government during wartime, entitling a privately owned ship to raid enemy commerce, or even attack enemy warships. Early letters of reprisal were issued to merchants to make it legal for them to counter-raid pirates! A ship bearing such letters, and operating within their limits, is a privateer rather than a pirate . . . that is, a legal combatant rather than a criminal and murderer. The problem is that letters of marque aren't always honored, even by the government that issued them. Captain Kidd had letters of marque; his own country hanged him anyway.

Line -- A rope in use as part of the ship's rigging, or as a towing line. When a rope is just coiled up on deck, not yet being used for anything, it's all right to call it a rope.

Lookout -- Someone posted to keep watch on the horizon for other ships or signs of land.

Maroon -- A fairly common punishment for violation of a pirate ship's articles, or offending her crew. The victim was left on a deserted coast (or, of course, an island) with little in the way of supplies. That way, no one could say that the unlucky pirate had actually been killed by his former brethren.

Me -- A piratical way to say "my."

Me hearties -- Typical way for a pirate leader to address his crew.

Matey -- A piratical way to address someone in a cheerful, if not necessarily friendly, fashion.

No quarter! -- Surrender will not be accepted.

On the Account -- The piratical life. A man who went "on the account" was turning pirate.

Piece of eight -- A Spanish silver coin worth one peso or 8 reales. It was sometimes literally cut into eight pieces, each worth one real.

Pillage -- To raid, rob, and sack a target ashore.

Pirate -- A seagoing robber and murderer. Contrast with privateer.

Poop deck -- The highest deck at the aft end of a large ship. Smaller ships don't have a poop; the highest part aft is the quarterdeck.

Port -- (1) A seaport. (2) The left side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Poxy, poxed -- Diseased. Used as an insult.

Privateer -- A ship bearing letters of marque (q.v.), or one of her crew, or her captain. Thus, she can only attack an enemy ship, and only in time of war, but does so as a representative of her country. A privateer is theoretically a law-abiding combatant, and entitled to be treated as an honorable prisoner if captured.

Prow -- The "nose" of the ship.

Reef -- (1) An underwater obstruction of rock or coral which can tear the bottom out of a ship. (2) To reef sails is to shorten them, tying them partially up, either to slow the ship or to keep a strong wind from putting too much strain on the masts.

Rigging -- The arrangement of masts, spars, and sails on a sailing vessel.

Rope's end -- another term for flogging. "Ye'll meet the rope's end for that, me bucko!"

Rum (noun) -- Traditional pirate drink.

Rum (adjective) -- Strange or odd. A "rum fellow" is a peculiar person, the sort who won't say "Arrrr!" on Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Sail ho! -- "I see a ship!" The sail, of course, is the first part of a ship visible over the horizon.

Salt, old salt -- An experienced seaman.

Scallywag -- A deceitful and unreliable scoundrel.

Scuppers -- Openings along the edges of a ship's deck that allow water on deck to drain back to the sea rather than collecting in the bilges. "Scupper that!" is an expression of anger or derision: "Throw that overboard!"

Scuttle --To cut or open a hole or holes in a ship's hull or to sink a ship by this means.

Scurvy -- (1) A deficiency disease which often afflicted sailors; it was caused by lack of vitamin C. (2) A derogatory adjective suitable for use in a loud voice, as in "Ye scurvy dogs!"

Sea dog -- An experienced seaman.

Shanty -- Another spelling for "chantey" - a sea song.

Shark bait -- (1) Your foes, who are about to feed the fish (q.v.). (2) A worthless or lazy sailor; a lubber who is no use aboard ship.

Shipshape -- Well-organized, under control, finished.

Shiver me timbers! -- An expression of surprise or strong emotion.

Sink me! -- An expression of surprise.

Six Pounders -- Cannons.

Smartly -- Quickly. "Smartly there, men!" = "Hurry up!"

Splice the mainbrace -- To have a drink. Or, perhaps, several drinks.

Spyglass -- A telescope.

Starboard -- The right side of the ship when you are facing toward her prow.

Sutler -- A merchant in port, selling the various things that a ship needed for supplies and repairs.

Swab (noun) -- A disrespectful term for a seaman. "Man that gun, ye cowardly swabs!"

Swab (verb) -- To clean something. Being put to "swabbing the decks" would be a low-level punishment for a disobedient pirate.

Swag -- Loot.

Walk the plank -- A piratical execution. The victim, usually blindfolded or with bound hands or both, is forced to walk along a plank laid over the ship's side, to fall into the water below. Except this seems to be a total invention; it first appeared in 19th-century fiction, long after the great days of piracy.

Weigh anchor -- To haul the anchor up; more generally, to leave port.

Wench -- An individual of the female persuasion. "Saucy" is a good adjective to add to this, and if ye can get away with "Me proud beauty!," more power to ye.

Ye -- You, as in "Ye be walking the plank!"

Yo-ho-ho -- A very piratical thing to say, whether it actually means anything or not.

Friday, September 12, 2008

A Deltona father ended up in jail Thursday after finding his daughter's teenage boyfriend naked in the girl's bedroom and hitting him with a pipe, sheriff's officials said.

Raul Colon, 45, didn't even know his daughter had a boyfriend -- or that the youngster had been sneaking into the home for more than a year. So when he heard noises coming from his daughter's room early Thursday and saw a naked stranger standing on the girl's bed, he swung a metal pipe he had taken from the garage, hitting the 15-year-old, according to a Volusia County sheriff's report.------------------Whole story here...

They put the father in jail for "Aggravated battery on a Child"?!Sorry, if you're old enough to be having sex, you lose "child" privileges.(On the other hand, I don't know...He's been doing it for a year now? And they just found out?What kind of parents are we dealing with here? And what kind of daughter?)

I hate to tell you...because it could be brought up in court later...if this was my house and I found a naked boy in my daughter's room,he'd be dead of lead poisoning. I don't care how/why he was there.

"Sorry Officer- he broke into my house and was raping my daughter."Castle doctrine.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

You have got to be kidding me.The bastion of sanity on this issue in the Muslim world is the Palestinian territories?And our wealthy, well educated Asian and European “allies” lag far behind Kenya and Nigeria?

And almost as disturbing:What are people thinking of when they answer “Other.”

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

While I was out wandering the streets of Beijing, the Perfect Child was given the Gift That Keeps On Giving for her 15th birthday, in the form of a four-footed set of needle-sharp teeth covered with fur.

To wit: Bozie
Oh, she's a charmer... Until the fangs are deep in your unprotected flesh.

And of course all four-footed members of The Estrogen Palace are bone-a-fide Georgia Dawgs, especially on game days.
And of course, she is getting full training and conditioning for her duties as such.
Here she is working on her bar tending skills.

The picture of innocence...
"Oh? Did someone chew something up? Couldn't have been me... I was right here all day.
You might want to go see the big spotty dog. I hear she has a thing for your shoes."

You might be wondering how The Spotted Appetite is handling this intrusion into her golden years.
The Matriarch and The Ingénue.

I'm still trying to decide whom to kill; the dog (obviously), The Boyfriend - for giving her the beast, or the Perfect Child for suggesting that a puppy might be the perfect gift.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

(Once again, as it happens when I write or speak on topics that I am passionate about, there is some amount of profanity contained herein. Before some Constant Reader comments with a gem like "Profanity is the common crutch of the conversational cripple." let me first quote one of my favorite authors -Mark Twain- saying "Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." then follow up by saying "Kiss my fuzzy white ass." If you can't stand a four-lettered word or two, GTFO. I suggest here.)

All the emotional cripples and old ladies gone? Good. Off we go.

I am so sick of seeing misspellings in public documents (to say nothing of in newspaper articles). And for those who would substitute the stupidity of “alternative spelling”, allow me to castigate them as fucking morons.

I don’t mind the occasional misstep, especially in a live format like blogs or comments thereto. I am especially guilty of this, particularly when I'm posting from my Blackberry.What I detest is repetitive misspelling— because to me, that indicates a drift towards illiteracy. And I don’t excuse “their” for “there” (and vice-versa), “your” for “you’re” (ditto), or any of the onomatopoeic blunders which bedevil the English language.

I react especially badly when people refuse to use basic spellchecking software when they have it available. (Hey- Marketing Department, Are you listening?)

Words are important. Spelling is important: it’s a basic tenet of communication that the people doing the communicating have a common method of discourse—did I say “basic tenet”? I meant axiomatic.

Spelling is the first building block—some would say the foundation—of shared language. To litter the place with “alternatives” at best slows the communication process down (like trying to decipher ”cn i haz yr tlno?”), and at worst it undermines the language itself.

And don’t give me that shit about how English is a “fluid” language or any of that jive. I have no problem with introducing a new word to the English language, especially when an equivalent is non-existent; but if a perfectly decent descriptive word already exists, why clutter the language with a bunch of “near-spellings” which serve only to confuse, and thus render the lazy man the same the respect of the diligent man who makes a sincere effort at proper spelling and grammar?

Let me lay a few of my least-favorite examples on you...

You’re = you are. As in "You’re a shithead." or "You’re gonna die!"Your = possessive term. As in "This is your brain on drugs." or "That is your coffin. Best just climb in now and save me the trouble."Yore = past, history. As in "Days of yore."

There = description of location. As in "It is over there." or "There it is."They’re = they are. As in "They’re not here." or "They’re not yours."Their = possessive term. As in "That is their house." or "This is their problem…"

Too = also, as well. As in "Me too!" Also used as a descriptive term off something excessive. As in "This is too much." or "I will too do this!"To = descriptive of direction "Went to the store." Also if it’s regarding anything tangible "An answer to a letter."Two = (Numeric) 2

Advice = the noun. As in "Anyone have any advice?." or "I need your advice."Advise = the verb. "To advise". As in "I want you to advise me." or "I must advise you..."

New = recent, not old. "He bought a new TV because his old one took a hit by lightning."Knew = past tense of "know". As in "She knew there was trouble when she heard shots fired."

Quit = to stop, to desist. As in "He wants to quit smoking."Quite = really, actually. As in "I am quite sure about this." Can also mean to a high degree, as in "It's quite good."Quiet = silent. As in "Please be quiet, I'm trying to think."

It’s = it is. As in "It’s a crying shame that the game was canceled." Also used for it has, as in "It’s rained every day this week."Its = possessive term. As in "The newspaper retracted its statements."

Sight = vision. As in "She was quite a sight!" or "I have poor eyesight."Site = a setting, a place or location. As in "A good site to build." Also short for "website".

I wasn't going to add this one, but I see it so much in chat that I have to put it here.Sense = logic. As in "That makes sense." Also a "sense" is smell, touch, taste, etc.Since = continuously. As in "We have been friends since we were children." also a subsequent time, as in "She has since moved out of state." Also can be used as because, as in "Since she never showed up, her understudy took her place."

Witch = one who practices magic. As in "She's a witch! Burn her!"Which = uh, a lot of things. "Which one?" "He left the scene, which was wise." This is the more commonly used, so when in doubt...

Wait = to remain or stay in expectation. As in "I will wait for more clarification before making a decision."Weight = measure of heaviness. As in "The weight is five pounds."

Choose = present tense, to make a choice. As in "I choose to have chicken for dinner tonight."Chose = past tense, to make a choice. "A year ago, I chose to move."

Except = to exclude. As in "I'll buy everything except that." Also to object, as in "I take exception to that statement." Also a term meaning "if not for the fact". As in "I would buy it, except that it's so expensive."Accept = agreement, consent, something affirmative. As in "I accept your invitation." or "She was accepted to the University."

Effect = something brought about by a cause or agent; a result. Also the power to produce such a change. To wit: "The policy change in the Marketing Department had an immediate effect on the company's bottom line."Affect = to have an influence on or incite a change in. As in "The cost of new equipment will affect the total price of the contract."

Here = location. As in "You are here."Hear = what you do with your ears. As in "Hope to hear from you soon."

Threw = past tense of "throw". As in "I threw my notebook across the room."Through = from beginning to end. As in "He walked through the door." or "She saw the matter through."Thorough = complete, painstaking. As in "A thorough search for answers."

Boys = plural form of "boy"Boy’s = possessive term for one boy as in "That is the boy’s book."Boys’ = possessive term for multiple boys, as in "This is the boys’ mule; they share it." (Occasionally [and correctly] pronounced "boyses")

Lose = to suffer loss. As in "The insurgents were sure the Coalition would lose the war."Loose = not tight. As in "Her shoes were loose because they were a size too big."

Hon = short for honey. As in "See you later, hon."Hun = a barbarous or destructive person; an invader. Attila the Hun.

Let's = let us. As in "Let's get out of here."Lets = allows or enables. As in "Having a job lets me pay my bills."

Vain = conceited. As in "You’re so vain." Also can be fruitless, as in "We tried in vain."Vein = what blood runs through. Synonymous with "blood" a lot of the time, as in "The music was in her veins."

Gripe = to complain, complaint. As in "She would gripe about her food." or "He had a gripe about the job."Grip = to hold tightly. As in "She would grip her gun when she felt threatened."

Illusion = something not real; not a reality. As in "I thought things would work out at my job, but it was just an illusion." or "Someone dying in the desert will often see a mirage or illusion."Allusion = hint or indirect reference. See below.Allude = to hint or make indirect reference. As in "The possibility was alluded to, but never directly stated."Elude = avoid, evade. As in "They were able to elude capture."

Infer = to derive by reasoning. "They inferred his displeasure from his cool tone of voice."Imply = to indicate or suggest without being explicitly stated. "His words implied a lack of faith."

Alot = not a word. Should be two separate words: "A lot"Noone = also not a word. Two separate words: "No one"

"In to" should basically always be written as "into".

"ing" words:When you add "ing" to a word that ends in "e" you need to drop the "e". Hope=Hoping, Make=Making, Take=Taking, Gripe=Griping (whereas grip would be gripping), Fake=Faking, and so on and so forth.

Referring to yourself and others in the same sentence:Be sure you can take the "others" out and still have the sentence make sense. For example: "Thank you for helping me and the girls." Would be proper because without the others it would read "Thank you for helping me."You would not say "Thank you for helping the girls and I." because you wouldn’t say "Thank you for helping I."However, the sentence "The girls and I are going out" would be proper because without the others it would read "I am going out"

Hmmmm... I think this has gone on quite long enough...No doubt more examples will arise and I will once again tilt at the windmill of egregious misspelling.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

A while back I resolved not to proselytize my position on glow-bull warmening or politics.Other people are doing it, and quite a few of them are doing a better job than I ever could.(For instance MM, HotAir, PajamasMedia, DBD, ConservativeGrapevine)So... No politics, no matter how stupid B. Hussein Oh-baMessiah and the Damn-o-crats are... And no more railing against Al "Making Money Off Junk Science" Gore and his Band of Idiots.

You will not believe how hard it is not to deride them... Because they make it so very easy.

Let's talk about something else.Let me check the Doorknob file...

Here's one. The file name is "tired-tired-tired.txt"Just a list of words and phrases that are overused...Things I'm really tired of hearing on a regular basis.(Don't get me wrong- I'm guilty for using some of these, but lately I'm trying to avoid them because they are so overused.)In many cases using some of these words and phrases is a way for people to try to sound more intelligent, when in reality they are just wasting syllables.Example- A manager says to an employee:"I need you to be proactive, step up, and take ownership of this process." instead of saying "Do your job."

Here we go:Abstinence educationBaby bumpBaby mamaBling (when white news anchors are saying it without irony; it's over.)BlogosphereBundleBuzzworthyChangeClassic (especially if preceded by the word "instant" or "new")Cougar (meaning a female over 35 who has a libido)Crackberry - (I know, I know...)DisenfranchisedEmpowermentEncore presentationEndorsementEpic (especially followed by "win" or "fail")_____ epidemic (usually paired with "drug" or "obesity")EvangelicalFaith-based initiativeFor realsHells yeah or hella anythingHawtHit me upI'm lovin' itIntelligent designIrregardless (get a dictionary, Dumbass.)It is what it is (this one will make me see the RCOB and induce me to violence.)Killer appLeverageLolz (or "lulz," or any word pluralized with a "z," for that matter.)Man caveMarried (to an inanimate object or abstract idea: "I do like this look, but I'm not married to it.")MonetizeNew mediaOwn (as in an idea, style, or plan: "Who's on this new media plan? Someone needs to own it!")Owned (and/or pwned or pwnd or any other tense of the verb pwn used by Gamer Idjits.)Outside-the-boxPost- (unless the suffix is "Raisin Bran," I don't want to hear your pseudo-intellectual lecture about it.)Pre-owned or pre-loved (USED...it's used, man.)Product (only when used in the singular; "products" is OK)Pr0nRepresentRespect (as a salutation)Sexy (when applied to inanimate objects, like iPhones or fonts)Smart____Social networkingStatusStep upStimulus package (unless it's part of a dick joke.)SynergyTake ownership ofTeaching momentThe tipping pointTrust me on this (if you use this one I will NEVER trust you on anything.)Unexpected errorVaginal rejuvenation (yikes!)ViralWhatevYou know what I'm sayin'? (or "ya feel me?" - only appropriate when you're naked.)

Monday, September 01, 2008

If you decide to stay, I don't want to see your happy ass on CNN whining about how you didn't know it would be so bad, or that you didn't know it was coming.STFU.

And if your house and all your shit blows away, remember that YOU were the one that decided to live in a coastal region and bought a house constructed of kleenex and spit. Congrats on that low house payment.

Quote from yours Yours Truly in 1995 : "I don't care where the house is, as long as it's made of concrete block."

Exercise Your 2nd Amendment Rights

Do you have a firearm that you have purchased for home protection, but are not comfortable with your ability to safely maintain, load and fire it?
Uncle Jay would be glad to help.
If you've never shot a firearm or would like an introduction into shooting sports, just let me know.
I can arrange range time and can give you practical assistance in learning about guns, or help you with your personal protection firearm.

Always remember the 5 rules:

1. Always treat a firearms as if it is loaded.
2. Never point a firearm at anyone or anything that you do not intend to kill or destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.
4. Know your target and what is beyond the target.
5. Don't be a dick.

You can violate one of the rules and you might survive; If you break two of the rules, someone could be hurt or killed.
Violate the 5th rule and the person hurt or killed will probably be you.
Always remember: You are personally responsible for anything that happens while a gun is in your hands.

Ex Libiris

People who should have better judgement than to be following a subversive bastard like Yours Truly