I have been told a million times by my mother (who’s a nurse) that no amount of wiping will clean the penis enough to make it safe to go straight from the ass to the pussy. She says a shower is all that’ll do. I have never had anal sex for this reason, but for years, I have been dying to get fucked in the ass. But even more than that, I want to have a bacteria and infection-free pussy. A shower, no matter how warm, seems like it would be a mood destroyer. Is what my mother says true? Is a handy wipe enough? I really want my ass fucked!

–Horny Virgin Ass

Your mother has the right idea: you should never, ever put a dick — or anything else — that’s been in your ass directly into your pussy. Bacteria that lives in your rectum will be transferred to your pussy and very likely give you an infection. You can swipe the cock with a baby wipe, but, technically, no wipe is going to kill bacteria, so some could still be hanging around. (By the way, you should always use baby wipes, which are designed for the delicate genitals. You should never use anti-bacterial wipes that are meant to clean your hands or household surfaces.) A shower with some anti-bacterial soap is the best way to assure yourself that the dick is bacteria-free. And actually, I think a shower can be sensual and fun if you do it together. Your other option is to use condoms, and simply change the condom when you change the orifice.

What puzzles me about your letter is that you have been avoiding anal penetration because of the ass-to-pussy restriction. Who says that anal sex must always include that particular kind of action? It’s safe to go from pussy to ass, or to have anal intercourse all on its own.

My husband and I engaged in some experimental anal fingering recently, myself being the receiver. While it didn’t hurt, it wasn’t the most mind-blowing experience I’ve ever had either, but I’m willing to give it another try. When I went to the gynecologist recently, she found that I had a very small number of possibly precancerous cells due to a virus. It is similar to the human papillomavirus that causes genital warts, only without producing the wart itself. It’s a fairly minor issue as many women don’t develop anything and can go years even without diagnosis. But, as my doc already demands a biopsy every time “just to be sure” on the front hole, that doesn’t mean I want to have to endure it from the back as well.

We know it was my husband that passed this virus to me because he’s been my only partner, so you can understand my concern. Is it possible for me to have similar problems anally, or does this virus only pertain to irritating the vaginal area? I don’t relish the idea of having to explain to my doctor why I may need an anal probe. I’ve researched everywhere I could find on the net and have not been able to find an answer. Please help!

–No Samples Please

There are more than one hundred types of the human papillomavirus (HPV), and more than thirty different strains affect the genitals, including the ass. HPV is a virus most closely associated with genital or anal warts, although not all forms of HPV cause warts. Many of the strains are potentially cancerous including several that have been directly linked to anal and cervical cancers. It is estimated that as many as one in ten people in the United States has HPV. The development of HPV and precancerous cells is much more common in the vagina because the cervix provides an excellent breeding ground for such cells.

There’s no cervix-equivalent area of the rectum, so it’s much more rare to have pre-cancerous cells there, although you can absolutely spread the virus there. Since just your husband’s fingers have been in your ass (and not his cock), you are only at risk if he fucked your pussy first, then went directly to your ass. If he did, it’s important for you to be thoroughly checked. If you continue anal play, I’d recommend he use a glove for his hand and a condom if he’s going to fuck you with his cock. If you begin having anal intercourse (especially without a condom), as embarrassing as it may feel, you must be honest with your gynecologist, so she has all the facts and can test and treat you accordingly.

I’ve been doing extensive research, and I’ve yet to find a site that is willing to explore the eroticism of ass-to-mouth and/or ass-to-vaginal play. I’ve read everywhere that both can be dangerous because of the risk of infections, but my girlfriend and I have been seeing more and more of it recently in porn, and quite frankly, curiosity has stirred in both of us. In the movies, guys go straight from one orifice to another, so unless this is a camera trick, it is being done. Because the porn industry is highly regulated, I’m sure it is being done safely. But I want to make sure since I do not want to endanger her in anyway. Is there a safe and hygienic way to go from ass-to-mouth and from ass-to-pussy?

–ATM and ATV Fan

The porn industry is self-regulated and has strict standards for HIV and STD testing. Beyond that, you must remember that the industry is not a monolithic entity, but a diverse group of people that includes producers, directors, and performers. These people make choices every day about what sex acts they will perform and capture on film. Adult films can depict behavior that some of us may deem risky or even dangerous. Some movies begin with a disclaimer about safer sex practices or a “don’t necessarily try this at home” kind of statement. Porn is a great tool for couples to explore fantasies, but you shouldn’t always assume what you see on the small screen is safe for you or follow it to the letter.

Taking a finger, toy, or cock and moving it directly from an ass to a pussy puts the owner of that pussy at risk for infection. There is bacteria that lives in the rectum (and in fecal matter) that, when introduced into the vagina, will likely set up shop and cause a vaginal infection. Does it happen every single time? No. Do some female porn stars practice ass to pussy and remain infection-free? Sure. But those who do are usually the exception.

As for the ass to mouth route, you’re faced with the same issue: a transfer of rectal bacteria and possibly fecal matter to someone’s kisser. If she has cuts in her mouth or bleeding gums, that bacteria can go directly into her bloodstream. There are a few ways to enact these fantasies more safely. When you pull your dick out of her ass, have a baby wipe handy, give your cock a few swipes, then head toward her pussy or mouth. Baby wipes don’t kill anything, but they can remove some bacteria. Or wear a condom for the buttfucking, then slip it off before you switch from ass to other orifice. I know that condoms and baby wipes may dampen the fantasy of dirty, nasty sex, but better to be safe than sorry.

Since you’ve recommended in previous columns that a person not go directly from anal intercourse to vaginal intercourse, I am wondering if I can go from analingus to cunnilingus without spreading germs. Also, can I still orally pleasure my girlfriend’s ass after I’ve used lube to penetrate her, or is that bad for me?

–More Than A Mouthful

The reason that going directly from ass to pussy is not a good idea is because you can introduce bacteria from the rectum into the vagina, where it will cause an infection. There is a much greater risk of this transfer of bacteria during penetration because your dick has been inside the rectum (the deeper you go, the more likely you will come into contact with bacteria or trace amounts of fecal matter).

When it comes to oral stimulation, if you are simply licking the outside of your girlfriend’s ass, then her outer lips and clitoris, there is less (but not zero) risk of cross contamination, as long as her ass was clean to begin with. If you want to be super safe, you can rinse your mouth out with mouthwash in between oral acts. Once you have penetrated her ass, you can still orally pleasure her, although I recommend a quick swipe with a baby wipe or damp towel just to clean any lube that may have come out of her ass as you withdrew your dick. Also, pick a lube with a taste that either doesn’t bother you or you actually like so if you do get a mouthful, it won’t make you wince.

I develop a urinary tract infection (UTI) almost every time I have anal sex, and it is really frustrating. I thought I was doing everything right. I have an enema beforehand. I make sure there is not too much fondling of my vagina during anal sex (although I hate that, as I always enjoy his fingers or a toy inside me during anal). After making love, I get up and shower, washing with mild soap (which is inconvenient to do just after sex). I have seen a urologist about this annoyance, and have been given an antibiotic as a prophylactic, but I do not like the antibiotic therapy. We do not switch from tushy to pussy, and my ass is almost always very clean, although I realize that we can only be so clean, as there is microscopic bacteria in the rectum. I would appreciate any recommendations you have, so I can stop having UTIs and keep having more anal sex.

–Painful Pee Post-Sex

Many women get UTIs after sex because bacteria from your partner’s cock, or your ass, gets into the urethra where it causes an infection. It sounds to me like you may be especially prone to UTIs if you are getting them so frequently. You have been doing all the right things (enema, no ass to pussy, no vaginal play during anal, and a post-sex shower) to prevent a possible infection, but I do have some additional advice.

First and foremost, make sure that lube from your ass isn’t “migrating” to your pussy. This is a common problem, especially if you are doing it doggie-style. One way to prevent what I call “the drip down effect” is to switch to a different position, like missionary, where gravity is working in your favor. You should also try to keep some unscented baby wipes on hand to wipe excess lube away from your butt before it makes its way to your pussy. After sex, the first thing you should do is pee, even if you feel like you don’t have to. The simple act of urinating can flush out any bacteria that may have gotten into your urethra. Then, shower as you have been to wash away lube, semen, and any other body fluids you’ve got in or on you. Make sure you drink plenty of fluids after anal sex, and pee often to make sure to clear out the urethra.

My boyfriend and I have just started having anal sex and I really love it. But recently we went from ass to pussy for the first time and now I’m feeling a lot of discomfort in my pussy. I just read one of your answers to a letter about that and you said that it wasn’t a good idea in case of infection. Now that I’ve already done the mistake is there anything that you recommend in order to soothe the discomfort in my pussy? Any over the counter drugs or natural remedies?

–Did A Boo Boo

By the time you read this letter, I am sure my advice will be a little late; however, I think many women may have similar experiences of accidental ass to pussy penetration, so it’s worth addressing. Going directly from ass to pussy is never a good idea because there is bacteria that lives in your rectum that, when introduced into your pussy, will more often than not cause a problem. It may result in a yeast overgrowth or imbalance, a urinary tract infection, or a vaginal infection like Gardinerella.

Immediately after sex, I would take the following steps. Pee, even if you don’t feel like you have to, in order to flush out any bacteria which may have gotten lodged in your urethra. Drink lots of water to also help flush bacteria and other toxins from the body. Shower and wash your genitals with castile soap in order to clean out what you can. I recommend castile soap rather than anti-bacterial soap or other bath soaps because the latter types can often encourage the growth of bacteria and yeast. You may consider douching, but that’s not a good idea. While douching can rinse the pussy, it can also push some bacteria further back into the vagina, where it can breed. These may lessen the chances of a problem, but I don’t recommend that any woman attempt to self-diagnose a vaginal infection.

To soothe the discomfort, you can purchase external creams or soothing wipes with witch hazel at any drug store. If you exhibit any symptoms, though, including itching, burning, redness, irritation, abnormal discharge, or pain, you should see your gynecologist as soon as possible.

Me and my partner have always enjoyed anal sex. We have been together for a while and are expecting our first baby in three months. I know people are supposed to have “cravings” when they are pregnant, but my craving is that I want to be fucked in the ass even more than I did before! It feels great, and I experience no discomfort, but we want to make sure that we aren’t doing any harm to the baby (and I don’t exactly feel I can discuss it with my doctor!). I find the most comfortable position is on my knees with my butt sticking up so I can support my belly properly, and this way I can get the most cock in my ass. Will it be alright to continue up to the time you would normally stop having vaginal sex?

–Preggo Anal-Addict

Many women say that their libido, sexual tastes, and orgasms can change drastically during pregnancy, so know that your new craving is perfectly natural. According to most physicians, throughout your pregnancy, penetration (both vaginal and anal) with fingers is safe and with a cock is safe in low-risk pregnancies. One of the challenges of sex during pregnancy is finding comfortable positions, and it sounds like you’ve found a good one, at least for now — it may change when you get bigger. Your mate should definitely avoid deep thrusting and really hard slamming of any kind. Use a water-based lubricant, but be extra careful in preventing bacteria from the ass transferring to the vagina. Make sure his fingers and cock are super clean, or you may get an infection, which is often harder to treat during pregnancy. If you feel any discomfort during any sexual activity, stop at once. You said you don’t feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this, but for the sake of your health, and the health of your baby, it’s probably a good idea.

After seven years together, my husband and I are just starting out with anal sex and wow is it ever exciting. What a great way to rev up our sex life! I have a question about vaginal infections. Can switching from anal to vaginal penetration during lovemaking lead to vaginal infections? Or are the natural defenses of the vagina generally enough to fight them off? Are there precautionary steps we should start using to reduce or prevent possible infections?

—Curious Canadian

Yes, switching directly from the ass to the vagina is an almost surefire way to get a vaginal infection. Bacteria that lives naturally in the rectum (possibly along with some fecal matter) will be transferred to your pussy which will cause the infection. Since the pussy doesn’t naturally flush itself out, bacteria can set up shop, multiply, and live there until you treat it. Some women get yeast infections, others get bacterial infections like gardinerella.

So, in order to prevent this form of “cross contamination,” you want to take a few precautions. You can use a condom on cocks and sex toys, and put on a new condom when you move from ass to pussy. Or your husband can wash his penis or the sex toy with warm water and an antibacterial soap before switching orifices.

In addition, you should be aware that lube that goes into your ass and drips out of it can make its way to your pussy, which could also cause an infection. I do things to prevent what I call “the drip down effect.” I always have a box of baby wipes handy to make a clean swipe of the area (always swipe front to back). Baby wipes are made for the genital area and much less harsh than other wipes, like Wet Ones. I like the baby wipes that are unscented and alcohol-free; the “baby” smell isn’t erotic for me, and the alcohol-free wipes tend to be gentler on my delicate parts. After sex, I like to pee and wash my pussy with a gentle soap (I like Castille soap) to rinse out any remaining bacteria and prevent a urinary tract infection.

What STDs can I get from anal sex? Is it imperative that I wear a condom during anal sex to protect myself from disease? Is it dangerous for a woman to get fucked in her vagina after getting fucked in her ass?

—Condom Curious

The American Medical Women’s Association recommends that you and your partner should be tested for HIV 6 months after you or your partner has had sexual contact with a different partner. During that six-month period, you should practice safer sex. You can contract almost any STD, including herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and HIV, as well as hepatitis, through unprotected analingus and anal penetration with an infected partner.

To reduce your risk, you should use barriers for analingus (rimming) and condoms for anal penetration. Originally designed for use by dentists as the name indicates, dental dams are squares of latex which safer sex practitioners have coopted for use as oral sex barriers. Because they were not developed with sex in mind, dental dams can be too small and too thick to make them ideal. Glyde Dams are a larger, thinner version designed specifically for oral sex which do the job much better than traditional dental dams. They are available at better sex toy stores. To make your own latex dam, you can cut a non-lubricated condom up one side; these tend to be thinner like the Glydes, which allows both partners more feeling and greater sensitivity. You can also transform a latex glove into a dam: cut the wrist and the fingers off, leaving the thumb intact. Open it up, stick your tongue in the thumb slot, and voila — it’s like a condom for your tongue! This is my favorite kind of a dam because it affords both giver and receiver the highest sensitivity. For obvious reasons, it’s best to use a glove that isn’t powdered or to rinse the powder off before you put your mouth near it. Try putting a dab of lube on the inside and outside of the thumb for even more sensitivity.

Store-bought plastic wrap (like Saran Wrap) is not just for leftovers — it also makes a good barrier for rimming. Plastic wrap is less expensive and easier to find than latex dams, which makes it more convenient. Another advantage: trying wrapping your sweetie’s privates in plastic — think of it as a homemade thong. Then you can go to town without having to hold the dam in place. Safe, hands-free ass licking at last!

Putting a latex glove on your hand for finger fucking protects both you and your partner, especially if you have any cuts, scratches or even torn cuticles. Gloves come in several different sizes, and you should make sure that they are well-fitting. A glove that’s too small will cut off your circulation, and one that is too big will feel baggy and uncomfortable inside the receptive partner. You can also wear gloves for other purposes: if your nails are long, sharp or ragged, if you are squeamish about the cleanliness of anal penetration, or if you want to smooth out your fingers before they go inside your lover. If you find that wearing latex gloves irritates your skin, you may be sensitive to the powder that coats the inside, which is common; find an unpowdered glove instead.

As part of safer sex, you should use a condom every time you have either vaginal and anal penetration. In fact, because of the delicacy of anal and rectal tissue, bodily fluids infected with HIV and other viruses are transmitted and absorbed easier and more quickly into the bloodstream through the mucous membrane of the rectum. Thus, unprotected anal intercourse can be more risky for both partners than unprotected vaginal intercourse.

You should never, ever put anything in the vagina that has been in the anus without thoroughly washing and disinfecting it first. Transferring rectal bacteria into the vagina can lead to yeast infections, urinary tract infections, and other ailments which will put a halt to your sex life. Just don’t go there. If you’re likely to want to use the same hand or tool in both the vagina and the anus, or your anus and then your partner’s, that’s a lot of running to the bathroom to wash up each time you want to switch gears. Using a new glove and/or condom each time you switch orifices or activities means less time cleaning and more time fucking.