PM under fire in 'Cash for Cameron for Cameron' scandal

Fresh controversy has erupted around the Prime Minister in the wake of the 'Cash for Cameron' scandal, following allegations that David Cameron misused Conservative Party funds donated to gain access to him in order to gain access to famed American film director James Cameron.

The Prime Minister reportedly bribed Cameron with $250,000 (£150,000) that had been donated to the Tories by RBS CEO Fred Goodwin, in order to get him to set up a dinner meeting at the director's 3 million-square-foot Beverly Hills chateau during an official visit to the United States last month. At the six-hour bacchanal, the Prime Minister supposedly drank to excess, enjoyed the company of sex workers, and ate the last remaining wild specimen of a critically-endangered species of sea bass found only off the coast of Santa Monica sautéed in butter and garlic.

A spokesman for David Cameron denied these reports, saying that their meeting was simply 'a friendly meeting to discuss the possibility of James Cameron shooting his next film on location in Britain, bringing much-needed revenue and jobs to our economy. The Prime Minister does not need to pay to make his voice heard in Hollywood. Mr. Cameron's participation in the meeting was entirely of his own volition, as was Mr. Cameron's. Sorry, that should be the other way around.'

James Cameron, however, gave a very different account of their meeting. 'I normally charge a full million for dinner at my estate, but I heard that he was a Brit, and I know their economy is in more trouble than ours, so I decided to cut him a break.' Cameron also denied that he and David Cameron had discussed bringing film-industry jobs to Britain. 'We mostly talked about me directing his screenplay for a movie about a dashing young Conservative politician who gets himself elected Prime Minister and heroically leads his country out of recession. He even brought a copy for me. I could tell from the first page that it was rubbish, but he seemed really enthusiastic about it, so I just humoured him. Oh, and he kept cracking jokes about someone called Nick Clegg, but we never talked about me filming anything in Britain.'

The director further denied even knowing that his dinner guest was the Prime Minister. 'He never actually identified himself, so I just assumed that he was Colin Firth. I should have guessed otherwise when I asked him how working with the Coen brothers on their latest project was, and he just gave me a blank stare, but I never suspected that he was someone in a position of power.'

The scandal already has Labour leaders calling for Cameron's resignation and a boycott of Cameron's new 3D release of his 1997 film Titanic. Meanwhile, James Cameron is himself receiving criticism in America following revelations that James Cameron offered actress Cameron Diaz the money that David Cameron paid him as an incentive for her to star in his next film, in a scandal for which the American media have yet to think up a name.