A couple pitching ideas for my adult fantasy novel. Any feedback is welcome and I will return the favor!

1. When Holy Maiden Ysabel saves Dark Lord Kaine from being outed as a trans man, he takes it on himself to rescue her from her fate as a human sacrifice. Both will need to work together to stop a war.

2. Holy Maiden Ysabel has four months to live and a human rights agenda. Trans Dark Lord Kaine is determined to stop her from being sacrificed even if she hates him for for kidnapping her.

3. A romantic comedy between a Holy Maiden who’s not at all innocent and a trans dark lord who’s as sweet as a cinnamon roll. Sexier Terry Pratchett.

4. A Holy Maiden should never drink, meddle in royal succession, or kiss a dark lord. Ysabel is breaking all the rules to avoid her fate as a human sacrifice. Hades X Persephone meets Terry Pratchett.

A couple pitching ideas for my adult fantasy novel. Any feedback is welcome and I will return the favor! I'm also open to any comp title suggestions and if my current ones work.

1. When Holy Maiden Ysabel saves Dark Lord Kaine from being outed as a trans man, he takes it upon himself to rescue her from becoming a human sacrifice. Both will need to work together to stop a war.

2. Holy Maiden Ysabel trades a day of her life every time she heals someone. Trans Dark Lord Kaine is determined to save her even if she hates him for it.

3. Romantic comedy between a sarcastic, dominatrix Holy Maiden and a trans dark lord is destined to end with her death as a human sacrifice unless he can win the World Games.Sexier Terry Pratchett.

4. A Holy Maiden should never drink, meddle in the royal succession, or kiss a dark lord. Ysabel is breaking all the rules to avoid her fate as a human sacrifice. Hades X Persephone meets Terry Pratchett.

A couple pitching ideas for my adult fantasy novel. Any feedback is welcome and I will return the favor! I'm also open to any comp title suggestions and if my current ones work.

1. When Holy Maiden Ysabel saves Dark Lord Kaine from being outed as a trans man, he takes it upon himself to rescue her from becoming a human sacrifice. Both will need to work together to stop a war.[I don't know what a Holy Maiden or Dark Lord are. Also, I question how people will receive the use of outing (or near outing) as a plot device, especially in a fantasy world.]

2. Holy Maiden Ysabel trades a day of her life every time she heals someone. Trans Dark Lord Kaine is determined to save her even if she hates him for it.[This one has more information about what it means to be a Holy Maiden, but I'm still vague on what the position implies. I don't know why Kaine wants to save her, who/what he's saving her from, or why she hates him.]

3. Romantic comedy between a sarcastic, dominatrix Holy Maiden and a trans dark lord is destined to end with her death as a human sacrifice unless he can win the World Games. Sexier Terry Pratchett.[The sentence is too clunky. This also doesn't explain what a Holy Maiden, dark lord, or the World Games are. Terry Pratchett is a bit out of the querying league. I suggest going with an author who writes books more similar to yours. Who else writes romantic fantasy?]

4. A Holy Maiden should never drink, meddle in the royal succession, or kiss a dark lord. Ysabel is breaking all the rules to avoid her fate as a human sacrifice. Hades X Persephone meets Terry Pratchett.[Same issues as above.]

Don't introduce terms that readers won't understand. Holy Maiden, dark lord, World Games... Take a look at the top liked pitches of previous Twitter pitch contests (especially #SFFpit). Take note of how they boil down complex plots into simple pitches that aren't too vague.

Publishing Experience:Eleven travel guides (self-published for speed reasons). Featured in Forbes, New York Times, Get Lost Magazine, Huffington Post, etc.

Posted 20 July 2018 - 02:15 PM

A couple pitching ideas for my adult fantasy novel. Any feedback is welcome and I will return the favor! I'm also open to any comp title suggestions and if my current ones work.

1. When Holy Maiden Ysabel saves Dark Lord Kaine from being outed as a trans man, he takes it upon himself to rescue her from becoming a human sacrifice. Both will need to work together to stop a war. [I'm also not sure what Holy Maiden or Dark Lord mean in this context, so we may need something more descriptive here. And what are the consequences of being outed in this world? The stakes are a bit fuzzy for me.]

2. Holy Maiden Ysabel trades [trades or loses?] a day of her life every time she heals someone. Trans Dark Lord Kaine is determined to save her even if she hates him for it. [I think this needs to be more specific. Save her from what? Why would she hate him?]

3. Romantic comedy between a sarcastic, dominatrix Holy Maiden and a trans dark lord is destined to end with her death as a human sacrifice unless he can win the World Games.Sexier Terry Pratchett. [Again, I think we need more detail here. What are the World Games? What's a Holy Maiden? What's a Dark Lord? Why is she going to be sacrificed?]

4. A Holy Maiden should never drink, meddle in the royal succession, or kiss a dark lord. Ysabel is breaking all the rules to avoid her fate as a human sacrifice. Hades X Persephone meets Terry Pratchett. [Same questions as above. I'd start with Janet Reid's questions and craft the pitches from there: 1) Who is the MC? 2) What do they want? 3) What's standing in their way? 4) What choice do they have to make? 5) What bad thing happens if they choose A and what bad thing happens when they choose B?]