I really liked that you didn't give people names... oh right... peter had a name... but if you hadn't given peter a name then everything would have gotten really confusing. I like the namelessness. It makes the fic that much more interesting. ANd i really liked the way you showed that the guy was back without saying it. I don't really think the title matches the story very well... but it makes some sense if you think about it, and it is an interesting title... so it's fine. The story was a bit cliched too, but i can always appreciate a well executed cliche. A really great thing about the story is the lack of description on who "i" and "he" are. The reader can put themselves and someone else into those positions and really relate to the story, which is great. I also liked the way you dove into the beginning right away, and how the beginning was in a similar settign to the end (at whatever the talent competiton is)

The fic also managed to be sad in some places... without being dark and depressing. It was very real, which i loved about it.

When I first read it, I thought that I would much MUCH prefer you to develop your characters. Flesh them out in a way that it's.. I don't know, easier for us to connect with. But the more I read, the more I felt them in a way that it connects to myself and the guys I have liked before. The similarities between us, especially because as a reader, I don't have much to compare with, but seeing that you wrote it in first person, it's done anyway. A sort of connection between myself and the story.

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who managed to feel it, but I had a feeling that it was something you were aiming for. Limited character interaction plus first person really makes the reader feel like they're in a story, especially with this one. I absolutely loved it. So there you have it. I'd say give it more description and characterisation, but by the end, I'm awfully glad that you didn't do it. So well done!

One thing I liked was how you conveyed the emotions and events with little filler- the he said this, she said that- and managed to fit a relationship this significant into such a short story. It made the story better than it would have been if it were just a sequence of events.

Another thing I liked was the ending. I do love happy endings, just not perfect ones.

One thing I didn't like was that the story sort of felt like it had no real beginning. We never really got to know the main character or the anonymous 'he'. Maybe that was because of its length.

Pretty good. The last line worked well. I found the narrator believable and the writing descriptive without being too flowery. It captures "teenager" without being emo, which I like very much.

That said, it can get a little disjointed in places. I know that was what you were going for and it works most of the time: when a common idea threads the two sections together. However, in some places (the most notable example I can think of is when it cuts from "He lets me be free" to the scene in the girl's locker room). Just a small sentence referring back to the first idea would help it flow.

Wow. I loved that last line. I got straight away that he was back, and that was cool. You told without...kinda... telling us.

I loved the part about when they went to watch the scary movie too. How she was hiding in his sweatshirt, and then the line after ...

[He got me a chick flick to make up for it.]

I liked that. it was short and simple, but it showed that he cared.

What I didn't like, was the shortness of the each... section, so to speak. I mean, I found it kinda hard to keep up. I know it was a vital thing, and it helped move the story. But some were just one paragraph - and that kinda gets to me.

omg that was so cute. I kind of wanted to kill you or something when they wouldn't just say that they like each other.. I mean come on, the entire rest of the school knew! how typical. please tell me they make out after the talent competition?

in other news, I like the format of the story. it was a little bit short and breaky but it didn't feel choppy. it felt like a girl telling her story, and I like that.

and I loved the part where they run but they don't talk because she's with peter. so good. and then later on when they run and she tackles him? so good too.

Aw, this was adorable! A LITTLE cliched, but not enough to be annoying or impact on my reading in any way. I really liked the way this romance slowly unfolded, and especially loved the girl's approach to the "non-dates". Also liked the way the ending linked so nicely back to the beginning. And no, the last line wasn't too ambiguous.

What I didn't like... Well, I didn't really like the formatting. All those horizontal lines... I mean, I understand that you did them to break up the thoughts, scenes etc. but for me, they really fractured the flow. This is more of a personal choice than anything else though.

Wow, I really liked this. I don't care if it was cliche; it was damn cute. I liked how their romance was subtle, and how they grew to like each other over time. I think that makes it feel more real. I especially liked the ending when she tackled him. :D And I don't think the last line was too ambiguous.

Wow... you wrote this two years ago? It's very good. A little cliche, but very good. It was a good read, easy to comprehend, had me glued to the screen in anticipation, and I was bouncing up and down in my chair and squealing by the last line. Well done! I liked how nobody but Peter had names... that really helped to not distract from the story itself.

One thing I didn't like: Paranthetical text. That was the only hiccup in the flow. You didn't use it too terribly much, but where it was, the flow suffered a bit. Sorry. I really don't like paratheses... I think they should be abolished. :-)

Aw, DCubed (hey, that sounds kind of like DQ), that was adorable! I did notice how everyone had no names! I love it! And I thought the guy had gone off to college or something and then he'd come back to see his little brother in the talent show.

I liked how the girl was so clueless to the "not-dates" which were obviously just "not-dates" to her, but actual dates to the guy. It's sad that she couldn't say anything to make him stay, or at least to keep in touch with him better. These were my favorite parts, the "not-dates" especially.