Between my shadow and my soul

The music must go on andOn, like the tinny swan lakeMusic in my first jewellery boxWhere a ballerina pirouettedrepetitively, our roles rotate,hips distanced in the dramatic crescendo, and when the lilt returnswe whirl into each other, and smileto the ghastly rhythm

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this reminds me of the whirling dervishes, except that the dance seems like a punishment more than anything else... like they are forced to keep spinning for eternity

as for the less exhibitionist bit - blogging by its very nature makes us exhibitionists. A lot of the time we write for ourselves. But we display it in the public sphere - hoping that they just accept, and not scrutinize. Its a weird relationship i think. Between the author and the perceived audience

yeah thats a good comparison i guess. coz the dervishes' inner state flows into their outer where in this case the external intrudes and exterminates the inner. they're not forced. they just know no other way.

i never wanted a relationship with "my audience". i felt their visits and comments should be independent of what they think of me. but yeah when you click publish the words harden and take on a life of their own. and then ur own life fades a bit. and there was a point when i said nothing should be personal, we should be honest and proud enough to expose it all. now i want personal things. that words are too stupid to understand. we all change.