I worked with Cheryl, and Wes is a close friend to our family, but I’d only met Amber (Cheryl’s daughter) a couple times.

When Amber first spoke to me about her relationship with Paul and invited me to officiate their wedding I had a blend of feelings. The list was long and enmeshed, but my feelings could best be summarized with these three questions: – Do they know what “love” is? – Do they share the same definition? – Do they love one another with that love?

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” 1

When we respect both ourselves and the other person by choosing not to call anyone names, use putdowns, or attack with insults we make the world a better place.

Why?

Because name-calling hurts, “being called a name won’t admit you to a hospital, but words that shame wound deeply and can still hurt years later. After all, broken bones can be fixed, but hurtful words and taunts can cause pain for a lifetime. Insults, like name-calling, can create self-doubt that doesn’t go away. It’s even worse if a parent hurls verbal abuse.” 2

Today I’ll spend a couple of hours in a junior high school. While watching, listening and learning from these young teens I will see young masters of communication.

When we are young we learn to be skillful masters of communication: “…men and women may communicate negative relational messages such as contempt and belligerence via loud, sarcastic voices, disgusted facial gestures, frowns, scowls, glares, gaze avoidance, or distancing. These negative expressions obviously would qualify as unskillful if the objective is to create a close and loving relationship, but they would qualify as skillful if the objective is to signal one’s level of distress and dissatisfaction with a relationship.” 1