Just when Tom thought it was safe to be in public with me

This morning started out like every other Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning – a trip to town to the chiropractor. Afterward we’re footloose and fancy free to run errands, do a little shopping (or major shopping) or just head back to the ol’ homestead. Today, Tom wanted to go to a specialty store to look for boots. But, before we headed that far, I needed to make a pit stop. Off to McD’s we went. After the use of their facilities and on my way out to the truck, I saw a younger woman sitting by herself at a table that faced the outside door. As I walked somewhat toward her to go out the door, she was looking at me. As I then walked past her and through the door, I thought to myself, I wonder what she’s thinking. Hmm. Side note: I often wonder what people are thinking about, particularly when they’re eating alone. Are they perhaps thinking about the reason why they’re there by themselves, mentally preparing for what’s ahead in their day, what pray tell?

Off in search for Tom’s boots. When we walked into the store we just moseyed through the front looking for his size and making sure we were in the right section. A darling, and friendly, sales girl approached us and offered her assistance. When Tom told her what he was looking for and his size, she said they were in the back of the store. Just like in school, we marched, in single file to the right, to the back of the store with Tom in the lead, me, then the sales girl. She got Tom all set up with a few different selections to try on while I was perusing up and down the other aisles. Then the sales girl did something kind of odd. She walked up to me, very closely, and said, “ma’am, you have toilet paper sticking out your pants.” It was one of those moments where you hear that eerie music from the shower scene in Psycho. Weeeeee, weeeee, weeeee, weeeeeee!!!! I turned to look in the mirror, (yeah, the boot place had a mirror to look at your feet but McD’s doesn’t have a full length mirror to look at, well, to protect against things like this!!!!!) to see the horror of a very LONG stream of toilet paper, back-of-my-knee length, hanging out from the bottom of my coat!!!! Beam me up Scotty!!!! Stick-a-fork-in-me-I-am-done moment. “What did you do??” you ask. Side note: When I get embarrassed, or nervous, my first reaction is to laugh. You might think that’s a kind of a fun reaction to a situation but it can also happen in a most inappropriate situation (careful what you wish for). But, laugh like an idiot I did. I hugged her and said “Thank you for telling me and I’m so sorry because I know it took a lot of nerve to tell me. Thank you!” I couldn’t see her reaction and I don’t recall getting a reciprocating hug but I’m not so sure how I would have felt being hugged by some lady with a toilet paper tail! Tom, in seeing me hug this young girl, was quite perplexed at the sight and asked what was going on. I backed up and as nonchalantly as a dog chasing it’s tail, I was finally able to remove the tissue, which now looked like some remnant from a teepee party and held it up ever so slightly to show him.

When he saw the tissue, he instantly knew what had happened (I’m glad because I was laughing too hard to even talk). Then he started laughing. Now when Tom really gets into a “serious” laugh, it’s a high pitched kind of a hit-and-miss giggle, which is hilarious in and of itself. He just stood there, laughing that laugh and shaking his head. We both laughed uncontrollably. The sales girl, well, she just looked at us like we were nuts and we’ve seen that look before. Finally we regained our composure, and Tom continued his boot shopping. I occasionally took a trek down another aisle because I started thinking about it again and – well laughing again. Tom found some boots (I’m still convinced he bought some only because he felt sorry for the girl) and while at the register, between the 3 of us, nobody looked at each other. When we got to the truck Tom and I burst out laughing again, like idiots, again. Then I remembered my thought as I was walking out of McD’s. I might have a pretty good idea of what the girl was thinking as I walked to the truck, with my white tissue tail flapping in the breeze. I just hope she didn’t spit her food all over the glass or have soda come out her nose when she saw it. Or maybe I will wish it on her if I see my picture on the internet.

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2 Replies to “Just when Tom thought it was safe to be in public with me”

only you! I printed this and took a copy to your mother in law. it is going into my secret file of things i have on my family that may come in handy some day. damned thing is so thick i have no where to keep it now