THE BIG BANG THEORY

“You guys wanna see a real star? I just got retweeted… by Patton Oswalt’s brother.”

Stuart (Kevin Sussman) lets his newfound Twitter “fame” get to his head

SUPERGIRL

“Karaoke is not for the weak. It requires either great courage or a complete lack of shame.”

M’yrnn J’onzz (Carl Lumbly) has made some astute observations during his brief time on Earth, but this might be the most accurate one yet

ROSEANNE

“Apparently, at my age, I’m not supposed to enjoy a healthy sex life… with multiple partners… in multiple parts of the facility.”

“Oh my God!”

“What? I had sex. Is that so difficult to imagine?”

“Not anymore. Now it’s hard to stop imagining!”

Bev (Estelle Parsons) shocks — and disgusts — Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) when she reveals why she got kicked out of her nursing home

LA TO VEGAS

“Hey there, passengers, as we approach L.A., a little reminder… Next time you’re in Calabasas, stop by Calabasics, the destination for premium business-casual ponchos. Half-blanket and half-shirt, they’re the beautiful biracial baby of women’s fashion.”

Captain Dave (Dylan McDermott), shilling for his girlfriend’s business over the plane’s PA system

MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Awww. You two are adorable. I ‘ship it. I really do.”

OK, maybe Ruby (Dove Cameron) isn’t — wasn’t? — all bad

MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)

“What?”

“You wearing body spray?!”

Mack (Henry Simmons) has a question to Axe Deke (Jeff Ward)

RIVERDALE

“I will not succumb to thespian terrorism!”

Cheryl (Madelaine Petsch) won’t let a few pesky death threats get in the way of her starring in the school musical

THE ORIGINALS

“It’s a historical building.”

Caroline (Candice King) explains to Klaus why they’re bothering to clean up the bloody mess he made

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE

“I’ve decided to be completely nude as an homage to body positivity. I’m shaped like a fat baby already, so why not give them, like, legit fat sexy baby?”

Only on this show could an explanation like Eureka’s make complete sense

LOST IN SPACE

“You’re a bad kisser!”

Penny (Mina Sundwall) gets in the last word after Vijay jilts her in Episode 8

LOST IN SPACE (Bonus Quote!)

“I don’t want your chicken.”

“And I don’t want to hurl through space in a Thermos. But here we are.”