When mankind has enough will power to decipher & unlock the codes to the love I possess, then maybe ill be free. Until then, I’ll continuously be misread & misunderstand because people will not know how I love, won’t understand me as an individual & what it takes to love a being such as myself.
Its always seen as I’m in it for myself, but, the greatest loves are best discovered in the dark or quietest of places & may not be expressed as deeply on the outside as it is touched on the inside.
Im a woman that’s not the best at showing my affection in a sensitive loving way because I’m a fighter. Instead of kisses I may slap the shit out of you, but I’m not doing that to be mean. Lol that means to me: I love you. Subtle aggression.
If I claim my stance in love, I’m there. As honest & faithfully open as I can be towards someone. It May always be seen as my interest is in someone or something else, but as truthful & honest as a person that i am… if my interests are elsewhere, my mouth would open up & say so, or I would just move on.
If a woman stays through so much emotional psychological bullshit from someone, it’s not because she’s stupid, though for some that is the case, but for the most part, the love in her heart & soul tells her that she’s strong enough to keep loving someone even when all they do is doubt her.

She knows her love will prevail.

She knows her love will prove them & their own doubts wrong.

Because she knows what unfair is & when someones own personal mind-filled doubts are pushed towards her as something being wrong with her instead of him.
She still believes, even more to get nauseous within her depths because these doubts keep rolling back in & she knows what the next few uneasy moments can bring from your words.

She just prays.

She knows that one day the light will shine on them like Gods last call into heaven for the Earths as the Sun explodes inside your brain like the ON switch to a lightbulb & you will realize my love for you.
I let my love ego talk confidently, even if I have to ignore the constant doubtful concerns as being less than nothing.
I’ll keep loving as though there’s just two of us in a room with nothing but our hearts to beat cohesively together as one rhythm & no brains emotion to tell us that love has shakeable trust & faith. Theres just LOVE…….

I have loved beyond my years
But never have I loved without tears
Have celebrated life with cheers
But couldn’t stop what my heart hears

Light so pure
We have set sail on an unknown voyage
Compass guides us with no direction in mind
Crusaders of life
Following a nomadic path to wherever
The ends of the Earth may embed us
But spirits aligned
We are stars destined to our own constellations
Pisces housing eleven signs before us
We are stronger than we are
Deeper than Earths core
Farther than the last shooting star
Whole and not
Wanting bits and pieces of you
Respectful not wanting to hurt you
But I can’t seem to resist you
Could turn away from you
But Can’t escape this peace for you
I have not a heart that can’t express to you
I have met you in the blue
I have loved you, in a time,
I have loved you in a place, in a world once erased, and created again
A million times back then
We were natives expelling rituals in a language unknown
To others our connection not shown
We threw dust to fire that grew from our minds
Now I just like you, with strength intense
Immensely for many many lifetimes
Olden spirits in our fingerprints
I do extend my hand for your fingertips to bind
And I leave you with this
Yet we meet again buried at The Tree of Souls
Ashes blowing through the wind chimes
I pray to Eywa to keep your spirit whole
Connected with me
Avatar
Do you not be that far
Back to lives where I wish you up
Upon a star

Did I force my hug upon you
Just to smell the scent of your skin
To know what mystical exstacy your hold could embrace.
Unforgiving flow of the Piscean waters we were birthed in
Its not a mystery to me
Not you
Nor I
Natural distractions acquired to tangle the mind
So I could alone unravel your essence
One on one
Spirit by spirit
Presence
All the persons inside of us.
Unbreakable bonds of metal
The old soul inside commanded me to be here.
In these moments
Creating time
Running lengthwise miles afar
Across my mind
Don’t hide
Never from my existence
Don’t run
Nowhere can time hide you
Kiss of the Sun
Inevitable vision & warmth in light
Connections don’t lie
Reflections in mirrored waves
No illusions or magic
This is no circus
Only a Fun house
Where we read minds
Say what the other thinks
With eyes
No words spoken
Psychic
Just let it be
Don’t strip the magnet
Gravitational pull of the Moon
You feel me
I see you
Free

A created recipe for your brown sugar
Soft center
Light exterior
Pure demeanor
Feeling the whole textures of your being
Inside my hands
I begin to sprinkle your essence
In my life as sand
I dare not taste before finished products are evolved and baked
Tempting you appear to my mind
An obsession not faked
Thoroughly mixed but undone
Taste not mastered but smell is exquisite and fun.
Resisting a reactive compulsive condition to sniff
But head on your shoulder I fell within the mist
Aggressive and strong
Assets I agree do no wrong
Not trying to jump your bones but I feel your tones.
Different hues sending my spirit different cues.
aRe you the T before or after S that is silently Vying for the double yoU Winning space where eXes couldn’t tell whY there was so much Zeal inside a spirit like me.
I could embrace you
capture all of You
Run away and keep the memory of your spirit true
Come back just as Fresh in my mind
I collectively think about time
But as my tattoo quotes
“Connect spirits to a place where time is not an element.”
And in the open air there you were standing
Right where my mental plane has landing.
Your air is so commanding…

I stopped believing in soul mates
While “I pray The Lord my soul to take”
Who can let another take thy soul
If already guaranteed to a spirit whole….

Why keep being let down by men and women that we think are going to be ours for a lifetime. Regardless, we are birthed alone and we will die alone. No need to go through the pain of heartache or losing love. I’ve given too many times to the wrong “love of my life’s” and “we’re supposed to be togethers”.
It’s good to finally realize that love and longtime are not compatible to some people. Marriage is just a sign of togetherness, in which people have put more emphasis on the ring instead of the unions. I’ve bought two rings, lost two rings, had one of my own and lost parts of my spirit in each circular motion.

No matter how good you may treat someone and how deeply we give, we still end up as one person. One spirit, one heart, one soul, that belongs to no one. I can only share my spirit and self without thinking about who can mate with my soul, which can not be taken. I am content in saying those words and be confident in keeping that. I can only be really good friends with someone that I could keep around for an extended period of time.
I’m taking all types of Outkast Love and returning it all back. Someone I can share everything with and lose nothing because we both know we aren’t lives guaranteed to each other. Even cool enough to make promises to each other and keep them without feeling the pressures of breaking hearts because we are only committed as friends. Same as Not judging someone by their names, we will not judge us by a relationship title. Just ride it out and know, whatever happens, happens. Don’t sweat the bullshit or little shit around us. Just live and be free. Someone who will say “I’m just being me” at the same time I do and we’ll keep it that way. Forever. Then maybe one day we will be more, or less, but we will….. BE.

I got asked today.. “What career path do you want for the rest of your life?” My answer is always that I don’t want to have to work for anyone. I want my art to be my work. Make me prosperous from my own gifts.
It makes me sad many times that a person/artist such as myself always has to struggle the most but has the most abilities to be successful. Art is more the gift that is not seen & always taken for granted. Why?

I question where I will be in the next day, next week, month & year. Wanting to Do so much & to go so many places. But wanting to get to those places without them being because of bad circumstances. I definitely don’t feel like I’m living my life, & it’s weird because everyone thinks someone so talented, is living a great life.
I don’t have much to Show for what these hands can produce. What sucks is having to depend solely on someone else to get roots to grow in my pockets. What seeds are nurturing my path for growth? I try to put faith in people who claim they’re interested in supporting my art, and always end with those letdowns.

People offer me better opportunities but I always reject the possible chance just because I think of those who hurt my pride & spirit because they wanted to help, more to benefit themselves. And I was blind to that, until I was the let down & had to find a way out, find a place to shelter my body. Of course I want the best for myself. I want a happy beginning, & peaceful ending, but at what cost? I wang to trust. Want to be able to lay down & breathe in sleep & love as I close my eyes to feeling alive with my goals & dreams intact. Even have love for someone else as I love myself.

Yes it’s hard to trust anybody & I’m not ashamed to say that that is a protective flaw that I hold in my heart. Intuitions form so vividly within my mind. I can just read negative energy even when it’s nowhere near.

Positivity reigns in my smile but I still have to keep some sort of shield to protect my sanity. I get stressed out to the point that my thought feel suicidal sometimes but my love did myself erased that disgust. Yet I still question my worth and how long will I have to endure this cycle that has been killing me slowly since 2008.
I need a break from these hard times. This is not what growth & experience is supposed to be about.
I can’t even cry about it.

The fact that I’ve grown used to this struggle is so devastating because it forces me to know that at some point, i could be back down to rock bottom. Why can’t my mind breathe & actually feel like there may be a calm ending to this madness.

When will it end? Or will it end with me? I hope I’m not first. But sometimes I feel like that’s the only nearing relief.

I’m going to be someone’s full course five times a day meal when my time is right.
Not just breakfast to get your Day started.
Not just an appetizer for your entertainment & conversation before your main course arrives.
I won’t be There just for dessert because you had a sweet tooth.
I am not a late night snack when you can’t sleep.
I will be all that a person needs to fulfill their daily hunger.
Breakfast lunch & dinner.
The snacks in between & the three course meal for dinner.
Appetizer, entree & dessert.
Not a skipped meal because you worked too much & forgot to eat lunch.
Not saying that he has to have this scheduled meal but he will make time to include me as required.
I know people that are starving for 1 meal a day so I value the 3 that I have because I know I could be 1 of those hungry people.
Doctors say you should not go a day without 3 meals. So why settle for only one in a relationship.
I am home cooked excellence, not unhealthy fast food garbage.
I can cook my own meals so I know the passion & value of what breakfast, lunch & dinner can provide.
I can have my cake & eat it too but I want the whole three course meal, bread & salad that comes with it.
Never gluttonous to have so much on my plate that I cant see what my main course has to offer in balance.
He will see me as his nutrients & he will be my vitamins.
We will pick of the garden our own supplements.
Never too much in our basket.
But he will
Fill me up.