if you end up stuck in a pub full of Man Utd or Chelsea fans today here are a few songs you may like to sing to them to make them feel good when their team is losing to the other one.

if you want to annoy man utd fans sing these lines to the tune of Que Sera Sera: edwin van der sar: when he was just a little boy Ed asked his mother "what will i be?" "you wont be pretty,you will be rich and be taller than six foot three"

wayne rooney: when he was just a little boy Wayne asked a granny "lets go to bed?" Collen forgave him,stood by her man now they are set to wed..

cristiano ronaldo: when Rooney entangled with his friend Ron chased officials, kicked up a stink watched elizondo wave the red card and turned to give him a wink..

and now to piss off the cockneys sing..

frank lampard: when he was just a little boy frank asked his mother "what lies ahead?" "will i be gifted.supremely fit?" "or sit and scoff pies instead?"

didier drogba: when he first landed on these shores he would fall over rather than shoot then he stopped cheating,began scoring scores and picked up the golden boot..

ashley cole: when he was just a little boy cole asked his mother "who'll marry me?" "will she be pretty?","will she be rich?" "or some pop wannabe?"

Que sera sera,whatever will be will be they're playing at wem-ber-ley Que sera sera but neither will be in Athens winning the champions league!