Meet Caiden Cowger: He's a 14-year-old radio host who lives in West Virginia and is a rising star in the conservative movement. More importantly, he's apparently very eager for us to know that President Obama is the one to blame for everyone being gay. Interesting theory, young chap! With the kind of cocky confidence that only a young person who doesn't know shit about the real world can muster, Caiden reports that he is sickened, SICKENED, I tell you, by the fact that there are at least 30 teenaged homosexuals in his county that he knows for a fact chose to be that way. How does he know, you may ask? Allow him to explain:

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I knew these kids. Some of ‘em I was friends with. I knew these teenagers when they were in elementary school. I knew them when they were in the beginning of middle school. And you know what? They were not homosexuals. They just decided all the sudden "You know what? I think I'm going to be gay.

Well of course they were not known homosexuals in elementary school, Caiden, because they were children… But I digress. He goes on to say what made their "decision" so easy:

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Why they are becoming homosexuals, why they are becoming gay is because they're being encouraged by it. President Obama: "It's alright, it's okay, you were born that way!"

Quite a catchy refrain—somebody get Obama and Lady Gaga in a studio ASAP and let's make this piece of pro-gay propaganda into a hot new track. Anyway, if you were worried that our current generation of hate-mongering blowhard radio hosts were going to die off and leave us with no one to boil our blood, fear not. Caiden Cowger is ready and willing to carry on the proud nonsense-spouting tradition that Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh began. And you know we can trust him because he just saved us all from being turned gay by the President.

This image was lost some time after publication.

Update: The original video was taken down, but here's the clip from TMZ.
[Via Towleroad]