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Thursday, July 31, 2008

what is self? self is what is here what is here? everything is here what is everything? self facing self - facing everything facing everything - facing what is here

actually here is enslavement - controll control instead of freedom freedom is not yet experienced freedom is not have been expressed freedom is not here freedom is illusion

illusion what we not experience here what is self-intmacy? to see into me what is here without judgement without any attachment just to experience what is self, what is here as one as equal as here as the moment standing here as the stability as self as self-intimacy

in to me i see - i see the mind move - i see the cause because i see the effect - i am actually as who I am not here but here is my mind as my own enslavement and if i see into me - i see the core - i see the core and here comes self-honesty - am I stop within the relationship or I just find justification, or I find just another definition how I can still be here without actually I experience what is here in self-intimacy as self-honesty as who I really am

And if I am exploring myself - I can be self-intimated - I can see me - and what I see is what I am not - is what I stop - because I am not - and this is self-honesty as I STOP because in stopping I move me - in stopping I stop my mind as me moving me as expressing me at he first time - and exploring what could mean that I MOVE ME as who I am in oneness and equality here - and this means first I find a way to be self-intmated with me within me as me - to see what is really here - to see what or who I am actually - because that is what I STOP and in stopping I am exploring who I really am - and in the stopping I am expressing who I really am - as all as one as equal as life - as who I am I do not accept anything less then who I am - in the stopping I do not stop move me as who I really am in stopping mind systems within consciousness until it is done and all is here. And this is who I am this is how I stand and this is what I stand for and this is what I express and I am here as all life as one as equal infinitely.

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Practical system removing as applying self-forgiveness. APPLYing means practically expressing, standing in and as the self-correcting application in all ways. LIVING means that I know, I see, and I forgive and I face those specific transcendence points again and again until not even considering - even accidently not falling again back to the past-defined pre-programmed system-expression. What means falling - falling would mean that when I stand and the tempation is here, when the situation is here - I stand and I know already that is not who I really am - I know already that way is can be walked but is not really me as all as one as equal as life - and I expressed myself in and as self-forgiveness to release that system-construct - and in the moment I faced with my refractions already and I embraced - trough self-writing, self-forgiveness in self-honesty - so when the moment is here - I am here as self-directive principle of me as me in oneness and equality - so I can direct the situation as one as equal as me here - and I stop participate in the pre-definied, previously happened patterns,behaviours, personalities, definitions, thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, any kind of mind-based dishonesty - in any way whatsoever. And in the moment I stand I breath I correct my moment of trusting with me within me as me that I can stop the past to control me - trough understanding and moment by moment proving to me as me that I am here as life as who I really am. And within the self-trust, within and as the moment as the breath I express the birthing myself from this phisical - first stopping my accepted and allowed patterns - to understand what means life, what means standing up as all as one as equal practically. Practically emerging myself into everything as me - no separation - and in self-intimacy I see separation: I stop. I forgive. I stand. I express trough stopping participating, trough stopping fearing to let go to step out from the forest of past to dare me to see what is really here.

Practical stopping - first means that I see the system. I see within me that I consist of for example anger. Or hesitation. Or fear. Many forms it has but all are the same: dishonesty. So when I see the anger within me - I stop I dare me to stop - and it is here, and it is apparently looks like I am angry - looks like I am in anger - I am of anger. But in truth not. Only this is here as I accepted and allowed to participate, to separate me from me in this specific way. So I see into me within me as me - what is the reason - why I am angry? I find out because of this or that - and I have to see that also why? Let me give an example - to see - I see into me as me - I fear of facing relationship with a woman. Why? Because I realised that is not lasting forever - because I realised I had some experiences in the past what showed me that I have fucked up me and the girls - because of the self dishonesty. Was about sex and control and power. Because I was not self-honest to see why I am in this relationship - and why I behave like this - I just did - trough my perception - automatically - I was not self-honest to dare me to honestly say - yes I am with you because I wanted sex with you and no more - but I defined this as not right - so I forced me to apparently trying to imitate a normal relationship - just because of the fear of losing the opportunity to have sex - so I played out this relationship program - but not totally - because I knew that is just a fucked up illusion, because I did not wanted to give a hurt for the girl, because I had hope of maybe it could be different this time, and because I already knew what I have to do in this very life, and I procrastinated and I used the relationship to hide within me from me - to not needing to face with me within me - but also in that moment I already knew that wont last forever - but I wanted to be in separation until it lasts - until the separated entities - refractions - what I choosed to be separated from - wont take over the control as manifested refractional system to force me to face with what is really here.

Because if I dare to say what I do - I am doing what I am saying - I am one and equal with and as the words and my expression and I am here - no need to hide, no need to find excuses. Because if I move like I am here as facing with this: I want only sex - I have to face with myself as I see the women as a toy for sex - not as a being as one as me as equal - and if I would see in practical facing - that would mean as I know myself already - then I have to let this system go - and I was trying to hide it but like using it as a glass-mirror-shield and sometimes when is necessary, just pull it out and making some glimpses but never really using it to confront with that with women - because it could break - and if it could break then I could not have any mind-defense to actually see what I get - to be response-able - to see what is here as who I really am. Beacuse if I have to see - I know my law of me and that means I have to let it go - and I wanted to delay it as much as I could - and I did.

So first of all oneself have to see what is here - in self-honesty - and write and express to pull out to put here out - to face - to be able to see as one as equal as self-definied self-separtion to be able to see - this is here and this is what I stop because this is not who I am.

And the law of stupidity is here as I see and I know and I still particiate - and I am fear - actually using this definition of fear to even try once again to hide from the inevitable: let it go. Because when I say - I cant, because I fear, because I am afraid - that is also just a point - that is also just an another layer - what is used by self to actually not stand up as life as moment in oneness and equality by and as letting go all excuses, definitions.

So when I see I stop - I force me to stop - I even do not allow, do not accept anything of this past-based self-definied illusionaric refractional system - no participation anyway what so ever. How? It is the question of self-honesty again. As I see and I do not like - I can bare me to stop - and I do not allow me to go back - but when it is coming back again and again - and it is just comphounding - that means that was simply supressing - not the core of the dishonesty, the separation: SELF have been seen, understood, forgiven - so the apparently self-corrective application is merely just an another layer on the others - still hiding from completely removing this system - and trying to close it into a secluded mind-conditionbased-room. But this is not self-realisation - this is not self-amalgamation - self-unification. Because self-realisation is embracing all what is here as self - and this means to be all what is here - and to experience all as one as equal in and as every moment. How? Be just breath and here. Why? Because if everything is here - then everything is who I am as I am that what is here. And everything is already here so I am already here as everyhing. As everything is here - I see everything of me and I see myself - not even see but actually experiencing without any separation - without any definition from this world.

And self can not be faked - as everything is here or not - and what is here is actually what self is equal and one.

And it is like 2 edged sword - as ok I am forcing me to remain here as breath - and even counting inside as not using any of mind - any thoughts - just be here and correcting my application in all ways - to experiencing me within and as inner silence - to actually see - I can be here - I can express me without mind, and actually I can absolutely let it go - trough embracing every sinlge particle of it - and simply seeing, experiencing, and stopping - and trough this continous stopping I am here - I remain and that's it. And the other part is when I am here and I as the mind want to move and express and I do not allow - and I do not want to face with it, I force me to breath and I supress the thought, I supress the system - and it is just not unconcitional it is not infinite - so I am here within and as this supression - this try of secluding this dishonesty trough just forcing me breathing - but in this forcing - in this want - I am of it - as it - as separation - and it is conditional and it is not cool: wont last forever. Then I realise the hesitation and supression and I move, I forgive and I realise that I have to expose this within me as me and I have to let it go - and expressing it I remain - I as the inner silence remain.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to trust me - I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realise that I am not here as the totality of myself. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I hoped. I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to take self-responsibility for me in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I havent alllowed myself to say that what I am - no difference. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand up as who I am and show this is who I am - in front of others - because I did put value of them - because I defined their opinion as what can determine me - as their opinion can count on me - as their opinion can be true about me -- not even considering the fact that I am in relationship with my mind trough my own definitions.

I forgive myself that I put value in the definition of time.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as funny.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to form relationship within myself with my own accepted and allowed definitions.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate me from words. I forgive myself that I accepted and alllowed myself to put value and worth to the assotiations of words - not realising that in the very associating I participate within my mind to tell me what is here, who I am.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use my phisical eyes to determine something is what - based on my memory. I stop. I am not my memory. I am not of memory. I release my memory - trough understanding and embracing all my participations within this existence.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear for being loud.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from other humans to be straight and stable as who I really am in oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to access my specific parts of my mind trough scratching my head.I forgive myself that I Accepted and allowed myself to manifest phisical pain in my human body.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine self-movement according to phisical pain.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am of pain, that I use pain as a fuel to get rid of mind system - not realising that is of separation, that is not who I really am as life.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form relationship with pictures within this existence.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to being attractive to pleasure.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not breathing naturally as life as who I am and manifesting phisical pain in my chest.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to participate in personality designs.

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demon inquery

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as a sexual methodology by giving enormous sexual joy and orgasm and pleasure for the woman until she starts to being obsessed on it and becoming dependant and by this I have ensured the stability of the relationship and the power over the woman.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to face the darkness within myself in fearing of it digest me and I can not control it and I can be posessed and I could manifest it.I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to se into me to see the darkness within me and embracing unconditionally - no matter what comes up - I am unifying myself here.

I forgive myself that I was fearful to face with my hate within me as me.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to bring to surface my hate because in the bringing up to surface I could loose myself or I could become evil.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to see the hate within me clearly because I could realise that I am not of hate, and in that realisation I could not define myself trough hate even energetically, emotionally, on any way what so ever and then I would have to give up this powersource of my mind consciousness system what I've become and what I've definied as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate this existence and wanting to destroy it in one moment.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate myself.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate others because I hated myself.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear of seeing that I hate my limits and instead of transcending and realising that I am not my memory-based limit, I used those as a shield, as a self-definition, as a self-determination, as a self-motivation, as a self-preprogramming.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to kill. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to be powerful because I could kill.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to being strong because I could loose myself and I could rage.I forgive myself that I believed and I thought that I fear of loosing myself.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate existence because I definied it as vast and I definied myself as tiny.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to be big and powerful to not being vurlnerable.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate existence because it has power over me - not realising that I gave my power away and no other way than realising every self-definied refraction that is me here just is necessary to embrace, to unify, to forgive, to let go of the definied illusion of separation and prove to me as me without any inner mind-movement and in the application of expressing transcending completely.And in the transcending I am experiencing that is even not a necessary, but it is my self-expression. This is who I am and this is what I am and this is what I stand for as me as one as equal.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hesitate - because of self-judgement.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from self-movement.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become excited when I am realising that I am here.I forgive myself that I enjoy emotions as an energetic chargeup when I am tired.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as master of emotions by generating and generating and more and more feeding off the consciousness within me by defining it as me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as light.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others because of they fear of dark.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge people - even with a slightest thought - or a slightest feeling, emotion. I see the core, I stop and I forgive and I express me as stopping me to participate until occurs - unconditionally as who I am as life.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as separation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe in love.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to believe that who I really am is of consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to geometrical manifestations of consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to lost myself in consciousness as consciousness of consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hate consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to be THE consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the slave of consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is of consciousness.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge me as cool as from years before I could know that life has never ever been manifested.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use smile as a mask to not needing to express who I am as moment as life as all as equal as me here.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed separation around me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed separation within me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed separation within me as me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to desire a sexual relationship.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to release my energetic comphounded emotions trough participating in consciousness trough my mind system and it is getting too much and by sexual orgasmic release I could rid of it - and I would not have to stop the relationship within and as my mind consciousness system in separation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still desire sexual relationship even when I already know and understand what is this and what is this for - by hoping, by still participating and maintaining the relationship with my refractioned mind-based memory-definitions trough participating in the moments by not being here as breath in oneness and equality, but allowing me to skip back and back for moment by moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still desire to fuck with myself.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realise that within the desire to fucking with myself - even when it is self-definied mind-memory-picture-based participation towalds women - I participate and maintain the current manifestation of this world - the extensive separation and abusement of life.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realise that everything is very wrong and the world is totally hell-like for most of the beings who are me as one as equal here.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to escape into my mind-bubble mirror illusion to not wanting to face with the current manifestation of this world.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to use personalities of the mind instead of letting go unconditionally.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my gender as male as man as the ego of the mind.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define women less than man because of this is what the world actually broadcasting and this is what the women have accepted and accepted to be.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would have a relationship I would be fulfilled, I would be whole.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not trust me unconditionally as being here as moment as me as breath as me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use women to control me by chaining them to myself by their definition of anything what they are lurking for.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate beings trough seeing their mind, their desire, their weakness, their strength and according to their situation and my desire - using them even without they could realise that they are serving me.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge manipulators within this existence - not realising that I judge me what I havent accepted and allowed as me and realised that I am one and equal and I can even stop particpate and totally STOP.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use my picture presentation to try to attract women.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my picture presentation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my phisical picture presentation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define beings as their picture presentation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not being honest with myself in judging people by their lookout, their body, their face, their movement, their sound, their behaviour.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop human face categories and in the category developing I seeing only my own self-definied categories - instead of the real.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realise that the beings picture presentation is the outside layer of their mind consciousness system - and it has layer upon layer upon layer to hide the actual truth of the being accepted and allowed nature.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge human beings by their blog,vlog, their my self-definied value of self-honesty or the ability of developing self-honesty. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge people according their clothes.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge me according my clothes.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to being accepted.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to paying attention for flashing up skirts in the hope of seeing pussy or even just a pantal - trough defining it as exciting.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not daring myself to say to people's face that they are dishonest with themselves within themselves.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to believe that I am separated from other beings.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind as the mind.I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to move in every single moment as who I am as life as one as equal as self as all here as the breath.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form relationship with definitions.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can program myself to be me – instead of realize that I can deprogram myself to be here as remain always here.

I wake up as the breath as me – I don’t participate in thoughts – I do not need to in balance my mind system anymore to be able to define who I am – because that is not me – that is my past what I still bear – what I still wear – until I do not let it go as an old skin to birth myself here as life in all ways.I wake up as myself as breath as moment and I realize that I do not have to fear – I do not have to fear from anything – I do not have to fear from the world – I do not need to fear from my job anymore – I do not fear from being lost again – I do not need to fear from people – I realize that I do not need to fear from the world – as all is me as one as equal I realize - I realize that I do not need to fear from not breathing properly – because the fear is what is the separation – I am here – I simply breath here. I am breath and I accept what is here – I accept what I see – I accept what I hear – I accept what I touch – I accept what I experience – I do not define myself as yesterday definied – I do not need to define – I do not need to scratch my hair as scretching my mind to define to determine from past – that is a manipulation – trying to manipulate the illusionaric holographic definition judgement system – what is not me – what I accepted and is formed and refractionally controlled – but not anymore. I stand up and see, and do not participate.I realize that I do not need to define objects to recognize – as the recognition is also the mind. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use reckognition as a mind definition process to determine – actually to try to determine what is here trough past judgements. I stop . And as I stop I see what is here. And would be horrible, or fearful, or scary, or massive, or huge – that is also the definied judgement determination – relationship – not real but an excuse what is based by fear – fear of myself.And I see this and I stop and I stand and I breath and I direct and I move and I am here and do not accept that this should be separated and I amalgamate and I put everything into me as me and I realize that everything is me within me as me as one as equal.And I expand me and I do not lost myself as I am here – and this here is who I am and I realize within and as self movement that I am all what is here - so I am every here – as one as equal. And I experience and I embrace and I stand and I unify and I amalgamate me into everything as stopping the refractional mind definition system and expanding the realization and literally exploring infinity as one moment as who I am as the universal sound expression as who I am as all life.

I do not accept anything less that who I am around me as me as I am here as all within and as this body – I stand – no matter what – no matter how and what I express – I am exploring myself as inner silence – and experiencing the starting point as all is here as me.I look around in my room and I am here and I see that all is here is me – no need to push out my tentacles to reach – no need to get something – no need to look back into the past – or figure out the future – the future is here – as me – no need to concern about anything.I am here. I do not want to find girl – I am here as the totally of myself as myself.I do not need to think about money – I am here as the solution as the moment as me within me as the presence. I am here expressing and experiencing - - I work here – I get the money here – never in the future. I trust me and I express me as the stability as me as be here.I do not fear from others judgement as I am all and I refract me into me and that is my separation and I stop and express as stopping the mind and I do not scratch my mind and I do not define myself as rest and I do not say I am deserved to rest because that is judgement because I actually do not see that is not yet done – until all as me as one as equal is here.I stop fear about family, about friends, I stop fear about women, I stop fear from being fat, or being old, or being dead – I am here. And I am not self-honest if I let me fear - because the fear is an excuse to petrify me to not actually need to move – so I move and I correct my application in every moment – and I delete the past.I stop fear from the people who I know from the past – I stand and this is who I am as me here – I embrace – and I do not judge people because I realize all is me within me – the accepted and allowed nature of myself here.I stop desire to get a laptop – because I am here – and I stop desire to make music, because all is within me as me already – no need to find technical excuses, or separated machines to experience me – I am here – I do not need anything from this world to experience me to merely express myself as the breath as the presence as life as me as the body as the totality of me as who I am as all as equal practically in every single moment.I am here. And I stand, I remain.I stop desire to go anywhere to find myself, because I am here – I stop define here. I do not need to think to actually move my body – as I am the body.I do not need to fear to remain here as the body here – as I am the body.I am here – I do not need to think to sit up – I do not need to stand up and I do not need to think to walk – I realized already – so I am no longer accepting me as thinking and walking – I am walk. I do not accept me as thinking as eating – and I do not accept me as being with somebody and thinking – I do not accept me as being with myself as myself and thinking – because what I accept – that is here – and I am HERE.I do not accept me to face with people and being embarrassed – even from the fact that they are embarrassed because I look straight – I am me and I am stable and I contain and I embrace and I unify all within me as me – practically no inner movement – and when I feel, when I am emotional – I understand that I accepted and I stop – as I do not stop – will come back and I will face with that and even the memory of previous acceptance – and will comphound ruthlessly until I do not stand up and express that I HAD ENOUGH.I do not accept anything less than who I am.I do not accept anything separated from me – because I am HERE.This is who I am and I stand for me with me as me – no matter what.And I move and I express and I explore me – and I explore my acceptance: what is here.And I express the systems within me as me and I do not fear and I do not halt – I move and I see and remain here.I do not accept that when I dishwash plates I let me think – because in the thinking I separate me from myself and I separate myself from the thoughts, from the dishes, from the dishwashing, and from the fact that I am here. I amalgamate and I express the touch, I express the water as me and I express the hands as me and I express the breath as me. HERE. When a thought comes up – I stop and I apply self-forgiveness. I do not accept thoughts. I do not accept to not be here as the moment as the breath.Even when I experience thinking – I do not judge the moment – I do not let me to define the separation – I just express that I am here and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not be here within me as me as one as equal as breath as inner silence.And I remain as here and I do not judge how I am here, how many time I am here, how long, how short, or what I realize – I am simply here as who I am.

And I express me and I walk and as I walk I move me and as I move me I experience my foot, my hand, my head, my chest, my fingers, my eyes, my mouth, and I am here. And no matter what I am the starting point of me as me as the body as the presence.No need to fly anywhere – no need to be abstract thinker – as I realized that is programmed – actually obviously specificly pre-programmed how I act and how I react by thinking – and when I experience this – I stop and I forgive. I am not participating within and as the mind. And I do not wait for anyone, and I do not wait for a girl for help me to sort out my inner shit – and I am here. I stop hope, and I stop fear – those are excuses to not wanting to face me with me as me in every single moment.

I do not accept that I look to specific women, because I definied them as arousal, cute, sexy, nice, etc – those are definitions to not wanting to see what is here – I stop relationship with these pictures – with these words – with the feelings and emotions – and I stop to move within and as the unified consciousness field as word based fuzzy matrix.I am not this system. As I am here – I see trough the systems – I see the system and I see that I am not really this, but I am actually became – so I stop, I move.I realized that so much I’ve went trough to get this point and I do not hesitate – I am here.I do not accept that I judge the homeless people – as I accepted and allowed this reality existence to manifest like this – there is nothing to blame but move, express, correct the application and share without definition, separation.

I do not judge the people at workplace- I do not judge how I experience me – I do not judge how I move me – I do not judge the work – I do not judge the office – I do not judge the office director – I do not judge anything – I am expressing me as I work me as life as infinite expression as breath. I let go the definitions about I lost my breath when I solve a problem in the work – I am the problem I solve me – no separation. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my work – I unify – I am here as all.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separated myself from the computer – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to attach words and definitions to the word: computer. I am here and I delete the finitions. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not write web-programs without thinking – but in fact the thinking is manifested fear – I do not fear to work with programming language – I do not fear to work with JAVA, with HTML – I am all – I amalgamate me into the keyboard as the keyboard, and I am the screen and I am all what is here – I stop to accept to be angry when the computer works too much and can not get my commands, my mouse gestures, clicks or typing letters – I stop this, I stop to hit the keyboard, I stop to use my fist to rage on the keyboard – that is not me – I forgive myself to accept me as exerting anger because of the computer – not realizing that is an excuse to apparently loose me and participate within and as these energetic emotions – and literally to be anger as system demon – I stop.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hit the keyboard when the computer does not does what I want, what I desired – I stop to desire – I move and I express and experience as one as equal with and as the computer – as the breath.I do not accept me as be me and using computer and do not be aware the breath as me.I am breath and I am here and I am using the computer as breathing – and when I see that I am not here as the breath – I stop – I forgive, I see and I correct the application. Immediately. No separation. No condition. I stand up and no one can stand up within me as me separatedly – I am here and I stand up as all as me as life.I stop to desire women – I stop to fear from judgement from my mother – I stop fear from being absolute honest with myself – I stop judge Beci – I stop judge Bence – I stop judge lightworkers – and I emerge me into all as me – literally and when I see inner reaction – I stop and I express.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program me to not needing to be here to be able to operate within this world – but in fact I have to stop this program to be here in this world – and I am here already – just have to realize.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word: breath.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word: pain. I delete all definitions about this word: pain. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate me from the words, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word: pain. I am here as the living word.I speak what I do, I do what I speak and I write what I do and I do what I write. No separation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program myself by porn. I delete these pictures from myself. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as sexual desire – I am stopping. I am deleting the pictures of fuck, suck, dick, pussy, I delete all positions, I delete all memories from past sex experiences, I delete all my unfulfilled desires – I do not need to foollow - I do not need to be fool low – I am here. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to participate in orgies – to just be able to do sexually what I desired and never could – to hope to even get this done by getting and grabbing and holding the experience and hoping that once I could had enough – I STOP. I stop participate to fulfill my picture – based mind relationship trough pictures – trough picture presentations of human beings. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that each and every single human being is actually a structural resonance mind consciousness system design manifestation.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define the real truth as brutal – as too much – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel that the world is intense – and brutal – I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use feelings and emotions to charge me up as the mind consciousness system what I’ve became. I stop. I stop emotions. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use definitions within me as me to generate feelings and emotions to experience this as who I am – obviously I stop. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe, to hope.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have limits.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could not type faster because of my limits. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to type faster. I am here and I experience as I type and I experience the breath and I am here and no matter what is realized here – it is me as here and I unify here as self as all as life as equal. I am here.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define joy as rest. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define stop move me as joy.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define entertainment as joy what I need to rest - instead of realize that I am here and I am me and I am joy – I am love – no separation – no definition – no subject – no direction – I am here as the source as the expression.I do not need love – I am love – I do not need money – I am money – I do not need breath – I am breath. Where is my breath? Here is my breath.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

I see some points what I realised about: I am not this - but I still accept and allow - now I share

When I played with my ex-wife's kid he wanted to me to read up from a kidbook - and the kidbook was simply silly - was about animal stories and about a maroon figure couple who went into an argue about would be red or blue should be the adornment on their christmas tree - so they made 2 christmas tree and was about this and I just experienced a little turmoil - wtf is this separation implantation - and I catched this and I just simply missed to read up some parts and I realised that I am free expression, I am not slave of that scriptbook lol

And my ex was in panties and she worried about what his actual husband will think when he arrives and she is in pants and was cool, and some moments I saw that I still judge her ass as good, especially when touched lol.

I was like experienced that I was sweting blood to birth out this sexual system core and I started to stop judge, stop even to define, to be able to stop inhibitions to dangle my inner nature by facing. See: I wanted to see how big is this - as I realised that is actually not the most effective way to just simply stop at this moment when any refractional movement occurs(I move according to the accepted and allowed refraction - CONsciously) - ok it is possible but needs 100% awareness in every moment- to stop refractional movements by seeing and I know that I am capable of this and actually there is no other way - but I see within me that when I am doing this - I stop everything else - as now I stop and then I can stop literally - look this in self honesty: separation.As I developed out a machine like expressional rocket-bomb way to move myself - but really by preprogramming the script and when the script ends I simply still at the moment (or on the sky and fall) and I am here with the systems within me as me - actually I am facing with the specificity and the self-will.

Bla bla bla bla vhat sky I want to reach when I am here?

So I at least realised what was my dishonesty in my sexual system - was totally picture based, and I knew that something is crampy, but I had to see it in experience to be able to see - and was bisarre for some moments - as I literally tried to jump into the biggest matrix-mess - but I realised that is also refractional judgement - personality relationship with my own memory.

Recently when I move and I will to move me as self and I want to move and I move me - then it happens: I MOVE. And I do not judge - I still judge sometimes when I do not move, instead of embrace and see the core of the hesitation, delete, self-forgiveness and move.

Why? I understand literally what could mean to stand up as breath as moment, that would like the scratching out myself from my own grave. And I simply use my head to operate - and that is just like when the dog chases his/her tail - and I realise and I HAD ENOUGH and I move and I say self forgiveness and I hear my sound and I am that sound and I am here as self expression that I am correcting myself trough and as my sound and my act and I just do.

And I wanted to find women to face with my sexual desire, but in fact I am here, and if I do not see it within myself alone, then why would be easier to explore with someone other(especially with someone who does not have any idea about birthing life process, self-forgiveness)?

I saw again and again the Winged: Exploring self-intimacy videos, sometimes I just still experience that I click and I watch and listen and sometimes I do say the words - and I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try to hide in myself that I have not allowed myself to be intimate with myself.Because it explains all - I have formed relationship with illusions. And I want to catch it again, and when disappears - I am here with myself as myself.

And I started to find out what is reality, especially after 2002, because of this - to be able to see what is real what is illusion. And now I came to the understanding that everything what is actually here around me is just merely an illusion - what I manifested due to the accepted and allowed and maintained separational judgement - as a judgement towards myself -- instead of being intimate with myself - as myself in every single moment to actually experience what is here.

And this is merely about the pictures - pictures what I see, pictures what I think, pictures what I define, pictures what I use as an experienced reality.Theese pictures are separated from me - apparently. And now I understand that theese pictures are me - and as I bring all to here - to remain here as the inner silence without actually using ANY picture - then I am here. I am here and not as the picture, not of the picture, but all.

Too much blabla again - I do not allow anything less then who I am..I still can push backwards the breath as me and just sit here and listen music and write from my head - ok my body is typing, but as I am not experience actually the breath - I am not here.

I am just scripted myself to be able to not needing to be aware - because I definied enjoymet as not needing to be here - because I was dishonest - I was fearful to be here and experience the consequences in this world as a kid, and I found out ways to not needing to be awareness here, to still be able to define joy. And that last so long. Only for seconds. And I was doomed to rescript myself again to be able to run again this puppet-presence and defining it as enjoyment - that I apparently direct(literally that how I want to experience that I not directing myself, the world, the situation) - - so snacky...And because I separated myself from entities - and with those entities I formed the peridical relationship - words as little programs: all, one by one has been prepared with other words as little systems what are directed me - - words as joy, entertainment, happiness, peace, beauty, silence, oneness -- those are like keys in the database what can start the programs - -and while those programs run - nothing to do -- but after the script program reached it's end - I get back the "cursor/prompt/control" -- like the round-based strategy games -- I move, then the computer moves, and after me again, and this goes on...

Ok I forgive some points what I can now understand more..

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge childbooks, because for a moment I experienced me as I have to read up aloud that text who I am not... instead of realising what have accepted and allowed in this world and be one and equal and move me accordingly to express that who I really am, not of this world, but as life as all as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that would be cool to resex with my ex - no T(i)R(y)s-ex is not necessary.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form relationship with pictures within my mind to define this reality and to define who I am in this reality.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge picture presentation of woman just according my own accepted picture-based desire-relationship mind-program.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I move.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to care about other people when I express myself - or to care about people instead of I express myself.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not normal.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not remain here as the breath in every single moment.I forgive myself that I accepted the definition that I am not able to be aware of my breath as moving in this world. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, before to even experience this.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desired to program myself to be able to rest as my onw self-definied entertainment, joy - what are implanted picture-based memories - formed relationships with feelings, emotions - what are thought-based.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in thin-king.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define breath here as my presence as intense.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to facing real woman body - not really fear is this, but an excuse - I do not fear really - I was really scary guy, but one day I realised that I push trough myself to face with the fear and then I am able to bear that.And now I am able to face with any big fear - of course what is not the law of real stupidity - for example licking pure Uran lol...

So the fact is that I am facing with my accepted nature - what is my own accepted barrier - so I am facing and see the core, why I needed this, and I push trough and I correct my expression - I correct my movement, actually I move me and express oneness and equality.I am finding practical ways to remain always here. No matter what - but the inner silence as the presence without judgement, without needing any thought - without being intimate with myself to actually experience me as movement - and when I move, as I move - as I express, as I experience me as expression as words, as acts - I do not have to think - I do not have to feel - because I am here as expression.And this expression is the ONE universal SOUND expression what I am one and equal with and within equally as all LIFE HERE.This is what the portal express - this is what the people express about standing up, this is who I am, and this is what I share unconditionally.

Nothing much more to add here, only that I am responsible, I am response able, I am the solution.Script myself to descript my accepted scripts to be able to stand as life naked as the silent sound movement as one as equal.Face with woman, find practical ways to be able to really stand in this system as life.Why facing with woman - because I resist - I judged to be with woman as matrix-life, as ordinary system-slave life - because all do this and all define themselves by it as it - and I judged this, because I desired it - as I never was normal. I was never able to do this for long time.And because I am seeked the truth, I seeked real power, I seeked myself.And I wanted to be powerful, I wanted to KNOW, I wanted to understand, I wanted to EXPERIENCE everything - I was so greedy - I wanted literally all - and it is so twisted - because I am here, and all is here - and I can be all - as one as equal - practically in and as every single moment - because I had to realise, this is who I really am - I am everything.

To stand within and not even loss a breath - to trust me, to embrace me as all - as to be able to stand one and equal with the mind - and DIRECT. To direct to STOP. To birth life from this phisical existence - children, etc.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I forgive that I allowed myself to participate within and as the male matrix subconscious mind system -I forgive myself thatI accepted to become a mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to form a relationship with the subconscious mindI forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate me from the whole unversal sound expression of life as who I really am as all as in oneness and equality.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to manifest this perception of idea of separation - what is merely just an illusionaric self-judgement.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be a hero as the absolute male personality have been programmed into the subconscious mind.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to be a soldier to prove that I am a man who can stand and kill for saving others.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed others to become soul dyers who are killing each other and not realising that they are actually killing themselves as me as one as equal and it is necessary to once and for all to STOP.I stop - everything stops. I stop relationship with the judgement - I am one and equal wth and as the accepted projected self- judgement. This is what I forgiveI forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself - instead of apply me in every moment as the presence of me as breath always here.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to form an idea about I am not moving - instead of realizing that I am forming the participation and manifestation as the self-judgement as hiding behind excuse to not face the truth - to allowing myself to perceive me as not moving self. I am here as the simplicity as breath.I stand as all life as equal as one - no separation - I am all life - this is who I am, this is what I stand for, and this is what I express.I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to find excuses to express my rage as war - to wanting to find a situation where is no warranty about I can direct - to put myself into a self-dishonesty to separate me from my perceived judgemental mind-picturebased ideas as refractionbased holographic 3D illusionaric refractional system what apparently controls me ---I am emerging myself into literally everything to practically realise that nothing moves within me but I move me as whole sound expression as life as all as one to direct what is actually here to birth life from the phisical to stop hell on earth and express who we really are as life without any separation.

I am no longer accepting the relationship within my mind with my mind as sexual desire what is a past definied, past determined, past manifested system what I placed to sink in to not wanting to face with me - but it is too much - I stop I have to stop I am stopping -

What is there - is not here - what is there is the refractional visual illusion of what is here - so I unify everything here - no need to find relationship because I am here - I am desiring my own presence - and I stop and I realize that I am here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realising the nature of the refractions - I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not wanting to stop lingerling around the refractions - to trying to understand - instead of facing and moving self and expressing and realising what is here and what is here as separation and forgive and stop and I remain.

I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to wake up in moring as the breath as me as the moment as me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to fing a sexual relationship, to trying to be intimate with others, to trying to hide the fact that I am not being intimate with me within me as me.