T2BC LATEST THINKING

I met someone recently who plays basketball at the collegiate level. She was having a tough time on the court that year and in this particular game, she was having a nightmare. Passes were going astray, shots were missing the rim altogether, and she was consistently getting scored on. With each mistake, her impact on the game shrunk smaller and smaller, and she operated with extreme timidity. It looked like she would have paid someone $100,000 just to take her off the court.

She approached me later about one of our books and the effect it’s had on her, and I began to engage by asking what she is passionate about. She told me the degree she was pursuing and how she wanted to be a college coach. I never asked what she was studying or what she wanted to be. But usually when people go there they are telling me that they have no passions to pursue or, at least, their passions won’t pay the bills. And that was this girl to a T!

“Basketball is all I’ve ever done and known in my life.” I could see that she was falling into the trap of a limited experience.

I don’t knock her for not having many other experiences growing up. It’s the limiting belief that the future can only be in something that she has experienced and known in the past. We are all in danger of falling into the same trap.

“I’d really love to coach, because then I wouldn’t be the one playing. I could just lead from the sideline.”

I didn’t respond to her comment with words, only with a deeply saddened silence. I wasn’t just saddened for her and her feelings of languishing, but for the countless people who are being mentored by folks that want to just lead from the sideline. People who want to tell others what to do and tell them to get outside of their comfort zone, without having to model it themselves.

We have this insane notion that the title of captain, coach, boss, president, or parent automatically gives us the ability to influence and affect change. But a title does not equate to followers.

Having a title doesn’t mean you have influence, and not having a title doesn’t mean you don’t have influence. Influence isn’t gained by achievement or accolades. It isn’t attained by having a degree and letters after your name.

Influence is earned through the story you are living. It comes from the life that you have lived to date, and what you are consistently modeling right now. It comes from the fortitude you show in the midst of resistance and struggle.

Simply put, you need to be in the pursuit of following your dreams and scratching towards your greatest potential in order for me to follow.

Leadership positions and titles can demand compliance, but they rarely elicit greatness.

The Courage Needed To Fan Gifts Into FlameOne of my favorite passages of Scripture comes in II Timothy 1:6-7. Paul is talking to a young Timothy, maybe 14 to 19 years old, and is not only encouraging him, but admonishing him to fan his gifts into flame. Paul knew that Timothy had the gift of preaching, but there was timidity in Timothy much like the timidity we see in those we get to lead and influence.

It’s crazy how we can see the greatness in others that they rarely acknowledge themselves. It’s like my friend who was livid with me because I wouldn’t shoot more in our soccer game. I took two players on and scored a goal during a tight game, and my friend yelled, “Jamie, why are you messing around?!?! Do more of that!!! You can take this game over if you want to!”

My friend could see what I had the ability to do, but it was the very thing I was afraid of doing myself. I suppressed the desire to play harder believing that I truly wasn’t capable.

I think the same thing was happening with Timothy, and it’s likely the same thing is happening with you. Timothy was probably wondering, “Who am I, as a teenager, to start teaching grown men and women?!” It was the fear of inadequacy and what others thought that was holding him back.

Paul’s admonition was that we need you to embrace what you uniquely have. We need you to fan your gifts into flame. But it’s not easy. That’s why the next verse encourages, “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.”

Why does Paul remind him of this? Because it takes insane courage to fan your gifts into flame. It takes insane power to demand the ball on the court when you feel like others are angry that you keep shooting. It takes a lot of self-control to quit your job and pursue your passion while leading your family. It takes enormous depths of love to help an enemy who is hurting. Others cannot choose for you. They cannot directly fan your gifts into flame. You have to embrace it and do the dirty hard work yourself.

I’ve spoken about the concepts in this and other books for years, and I’ve seen the effect they’ve had on others. However, I have to be the one who chooses to take those concepts and get them in a book. Writing a book takes self-control and an insane amount of courage, and that’s exactly what it takes for you to fan your gifts into flame.

Though he didn’t fan Timothy’s gifts into flame, Paul played a pivotal role in Timothy’s choice. He was sharing what he could see and he was encouraging Timothy to move. But Paul didn’t threaten him or shame him. He didn’t do what many in leadership roles do in saying, “If you don’t do ___________ then (insert consequence).” He didn’t say, “If you don’t do _____________ then you are (insert a derogatory term or phrase).”

And for what it’s worth, saying these things in your coaches or leaders meetings behind closed doors isn’t helping the situation. It’s psychologically conditioning yourselves to see and draw out the very things in that person that frustrate you!

Paul didn’t push. Paul didn’t beg. Paul affirmed Timothy’s autonomy.

Notice that Paul didn’t say “Let me help you fan your gifts into flame.” As leaders and influencers, we cannot directly fan someone’s gifts into flame. Timothy, like all of us, had the power to choose. But Paul did play a role in affecting change in Timothy. He went back to a simple truth: God has given you power, love and self-control. He didn’t bitch, beg, pull or prod. He said, this is what it takes to embrace your gifts, these are the things that are yours in Christ, and here is what is true about this situation.

But here’s the thing, Timothy had to hear that from someone who was living it.

Paul was sold out to the mission he believed God gave him. He was unwavering in his belief that God had visited him on the Emmaus road. Even though he was beaten, slandered, and threatened with his life, he was still pursuing a mission that he was willing to die for. It was a dream that was destined to fail without divine intervention. Timothy had experienced Paul’s life. He had seen firsthand how Paul was moving forward and embracing the things that scared him, and that’s exactly why Paul could help fan that gift into flame.

I wonder what would change if we stopped talking to others about getting out of their comfort zone and invited them to see a life that models it?

It’s our pursuit of embracing the hardships of growth and development that allows others to link up with us and move forward themselves. It’s our progress in the struggle that allows others to genuinely connect with us. It’s our engagement with resistance that allows us to empathize with those we get to lead and treat them like people, not production units.

I see far too many people who are trying to lead by piling up stacks and stacks of logs and dry kindling on top of a little spark they see. They hover over people and bombard them with information, quotes, books, and inspirational videos. They smother them with encouragement and sometimes try to do the work for them. They try to cram forty years of life experience into a sixty-minute office meeting and expect their people to accept the information, apply it, learn from it, and thrive.

Sadly, I’ve been one of those people.

But that’s not how growth happens. That’s not how people embrace their own personal greatness.

Your personal greatness must be fanned. Like a small ember, it must be blown on gently and consistently. It must not be smothered because it needs air to breathe. It needs the right amount of kindling at the right time for it to catch fire.

Simply put, it needs an optimal environment in which it can grow. And optimal doen’t mean easy.

Your words can be the breath of air that meets the ember, but it takes someone embracing their own journey to know that the process cannot be accelerated and they cannot force the fire to grow.

In leadership, we want change now. But leaders who are on the journey themselves know that there is no enduring change that happens right now. There are no fixes or switches that one can flip. As leaders and influencers we can only create an environment ripe for change. And we create that environment by the life that they see, not the words that we say.

Fanning other people’s gifts into flame can only come from fanning your gifts into flame - Chasing a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. When people see you living that way, you elicit the greatness from others.

“The test of leadership is not to put greatness into humanity, but to elicit it, for the greatness is already there.” - James Buchanan

Who are the people in your life that fly under the radar but are “the Glue” that holds your family or team together? Although we get lost in the excitement of the “Gloryman," this article is a tribute to the underrated, “the Glue.”

My grandpa is high energy and loves to talk. If people are willing to listen (or even unwilling at times), he brings back the glory days: bowling titles, adult softball games, little league coaching championships, etc.Grandpa loves to raz people with his favorite target being his son-in-law, my uncle Kevin.

On one occasion, the two were going back and forth on the phone with my grandma listening. My grandpa ended the conversation with a remark that rendered a routine lecture from my grandma. She demanded he call Kevin back and apologize.

The challenging thing about phones and people over 80 is that the numbers are so small.My grandpa fell victim to this. Instead of dialing Kevin, he unknowingly dialed 911.

As soon as the operator answered the phone, my grandpa started with a smirk neither giving in to my Grandma’s wishes or who he thought was Kevin.“Kevin, I was just calling back to let you know...that you can kiss my ass!” Click.Hanging up with a big grin, my grandpa ensured that he had gotten the last word. So, he thought.

Anytime there is a 911 hang up, the police must respond in person. So five minutes after my grandpa had thought he won, a squad car pulled into the driveway.

At this point, my grandpa, the Gloryman, spun his wheels caught in the rare occasion where his charm and wit couldn’t win. The police officer glared at him like an elderly man that had escaped his supervision.

Enter “the Glue”. My grandma.

Like so many times prior, my grandma came to my grandpa’s rescue reinforcing that everything was okay and that it was just a ridiculous stunt by my grandpa, "the Gloryman." Completely baffled, the police officer shrugged and left with the only advice he could,“Alright, well you take care of him...”

At this point, The Glue gave a stare, and The Gloryman shrugged knowing better than to start.On every team, family, and staff there is the Gloryman. We love him for the high energy and positive emotion he brings. Sometimes, we even wonder,

“How does the Gloryman get away with what he does?”If we look closer though, the answer is blatant.The Glue.The Glue holds the group together and serves as the filter the Gloryman never seemed to develop. The glue maintains the bridges the Gloryman did his best to burn.

Indeed, the gloryman receives the praise, the attention, and the accolades; however, even he knows that all the glory wouldn’t be possible without the Glue.Over the holidays, I challenge you to identify who plays the role of the Glue on the teams that you love the most.

I am lucky to have many people that serve as the Glue in my life.Specifically, my wife Katie, my mom, and of course both of my Grandmas.

Over the next week, continue to laugh with and enjoy the Gloryman, but I challenge you to also recognize and thank the people that play the glue in your life.

Happy Holidays,

Lucas*A shoutout to my Aunt Mindy for replaying this scene as an objective, primary source. I can only imagine.

​“If only they knew…” This thought tormented me as I snuck out of the counselor’s office. From the outside, everything looked great. I was getting the grades, scoring the points, and had supportive friends and family. But inside? Everything was falling apart.I could feel the facade I worked so hard to maintain slowly slip as I red-lined my deepest fear: being exposed. I felt like a fraud. That my internal struggle was a character flaw unique to me. This shouldn't happen to the "leader."Not until I started teaching and coaching did I notice a pattern. Everyone seemed to have this battle within.

So, in a workshop with over 60 teenage boys, I tested this theory with the anoymous question below: “What is a challenge that you have to overcome on a daily basis that most or everyone has no idea about?”The list stacked up. As I read the survey responses aloud, they sat silent. This was them. This was real.If only they knew…

“I do drugs and hate myself for it. People think its for attention but it’s just to get back to normal.”

“The expectations of school and college visits are too much. I feel like I’m suffocating. Like I’m never enough of an athlete, a student, or a kid. I always disappoint myself. Honestly, my sport is more of a job.”“I usually fall asleep with my parents fighting. It sucks because they usually are fighting about money or me.”“I got into a big fight with my step dad because he continued to abuse my mom.”"I've been cutting for 3 months just to deal with the pain."

After the workshop, I brought the results of the survey to the staff that works with these kids daily thinking they would want to know.

They feigned interest but seemed to blow it off. One veteran explained, “This isn’t surprising. They’re kids. This is part of the growing process.”At the next meeting with the staff, it had to be done. I introduced the topic and prompted the staff of 50 educators and coaches from 24 - 65 in age with the same anonymous question:“What is a challenge that you have to overcome on a daily basis that most or everyone has no idea about?”

If only they knew…“The expectations of work, my family, and coaching are killing me. I feel like a failure in all areas.”“My marriage looks great from the outside, but the truth is that we’re falling apart.”“I’m lonely everyday at work. If you do not see that we have cliques here, you are probably in one.”“My house was just foreclosed. We are living at a hotel nearby. I am embarrassed that students, colleagues, friends, or family will see me. I am lost on where to go.”“My husband is an alcoholic. I constantly worry people will find out.”

The responses rolled in all unique yet consistent in the pain that they brought. As I read them aloud, there was an eery similarity between these "veteran" staff members and their teenage student athletes.

Facing secret internal challenges is not reserved for hormonal teens but rather a uniting commonality of being human. Beneath every visible action, outburst, or period of silence is an invisible story. I’m not asking you to be a crusader or Mr. Fix-it. Many times the best thing you can do for someone is just listen to them and love them by being with them without judgement. There is no doubt in my mind that this "problem" that I once hid fueled my passion and propelled me to be who I am today. I love sharing the knowledge and tools that helped me progress on that journey so you and those you influence can do the same.What would our world look like if we approached every person with genuine empathy and love knowing they were wrestling such a traumatic internal battle? Everyone has a story. Everyone has pain. That pain can become your strength.We are all in this together.

If you would like to bring the power of this activity to your group, feel free to connect with me. I’d love to give you the tools and coach you through the process.

“What do you believe in so strongly you are willing to be fired for it?”

I posed this question to a group of 75 teachers this week in Birmingham, Alabama.

It is easy to tell students not to fall for peer pressure and to make the most beneficial choices, but how often do we model this behavior and fall for peer pressure as adults?

How often do we teach to the test out of the fear of losing our job?

How often do we focus on winning because our administration said if we don’t make the tournament we will be fired?

I told those teachers I hug the girls I work with, and I tell them I love them when I feel it is appropriate. I understand that this might get me fired one day, but I am willing to get fired for what I believe.

One of the most important decisions we continually make in life is with whom we spend our time. Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about it, BUT those we spend time with greatly influence how we view the world and what we think about.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize if you think about something for long enough it is going to impact everything in your life. How many times have you seen people talk themselves out of doing something because they can’t stop thinking about everything going wrong?

What we spend our time thinking about matters greatly, and who we spend our time with impacts what and how we think.

I read somewhere we tend to be the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So if those five people make an average of 75k per year, you probably make 75k per year. If those 5 people watch an average of 15 hours of TV per week, you probably watch an average of 15 hours of TV per week. We could play this out for books read, vacation days, and many other factors in life.

Who is in your circle—who are you inviting (deliberately or not) to impact and transform your mind, heart, and beliefs?

Growing up I was really poor. I’m talking, I can remember dreaming about getting a happy meal from McDonald’s poor. Even after my dad became a very successful doctor I still had a poverty mindset.

You probably already know this, but it took me a long time to realize it because of my poverty mindset: TRUE love doesn’t give people what they want, it gives people what they need, regardless of how that makes them feel.

I believe there is an epidemic currently taking place in our society and it is handicapping the majority of a generation.I was speaking with a person in coaching last week. It sounded like this person was begging, pleading, and most of the time dragging her team forward in effort, energy, and focus during training. Sound familiar?

It reminds me of when I see a dog refusing to walk on their leash, and the owner dragging them forward. It is exhausting for everyone involved.

You see, I think a lot of people believe you have 2 options in leadership. Be a transactional jerk, or be a really nice, positive person. Many people misunderstand our message and think we are promoting “nice, positive leadership.”​Let me state this unequivocally, WE ARE not! Both of those types of coaching can handicap people and leave them ill-prepared for the future.

“What brings you to Missouri?” the young car rental agent asked me. I told him I was in town to do a workshop with Mizzou Women’s basketball. He went on to explain how he played competitive hockey all growing up. I asked him what happened with it, and this was his exact response, “Mannnn, that shit started to take over my life. I was traveling every weekend, and I had no life, so I quit.”

Now, the ironic part of this story was that 2 years before in an interview with Enterprise rent a car, I was told I wasn’t qualified to be a rental car agent with their company. BUT that is a story for another day, and I digress.

Maybe this young man dreamed of being a rental car agent, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was not doing what he loves. Even if serving people behind that counter was what he loves to do, one thing is certain: being a rental car agent had taken over his life.​I doubt anyone had explained to him the path to mastery, as George Leonard laid out in his book, Mastery.

The thing about incredible opportunities is that they often come disguised as 500lb lions. When most people come face to face with their opportunities (lions) they tuck tail, and run as fast as they can in the opposite direction.

Right now you are face to face with one of the many lions you will encounter in life. The question is, what will you believe about it, and what will you do about it?