This blog is not for the light-hearted or easily offended. If either one of those descriptions applies to you, i would suggest you start drinking before you read this blog. A sense of humor is suggested. If you don't have one that sucks for you … find one and get a life!

In which i write my inaugural post

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Today is my inaugural post on my new computer. How’s it looking so far? I had hoped that perhaps it would be funny but seeing as its pouring rain outside and its gray and grim it’s not really looking like it.

I just got off the phone with my friend Robin and she usually puts me in a good mood so I decided to come to the office and write a post. I’m actually happy that I can even type on this keyboard because it’s so much smaller than my old one and I keep making huge spelling mistakes. Well maybe not so huge; but I’m totally making mistakes.

At any rate, yesterday was quite a busy day for me and I hate busy days because they stress me out. First I worked out but I had to cut it short because I had inadvertently agreed to be a nice person and do Mobile Meals. If you’re not familiar with it, Mobile Meals is where you volunteer to deliver meals to the elderly and infirmed who are stuck at home. Normally, I kill myself avoiding these types of activities but I got caught at the gym last week and a friend of mine asked if I could fill in on Tuesday and I couldn’t think of a good excuse so I agreed to help.

This wasn’t great in the sense that I couldn’t do my workout and I needed to pick up my new computer at Apple, but even more importantly, these types of things make me really uneasy. I know you’re thinking I’m a cold-hearted bitch but it’s actually the opposite; I feel so badly for these people that it fucks with my head for a long time afterwards. My partner Dana, who I was delivering the meals with, said that I needed to look at it differently, like I was making their day by bringing them food (sometimes the only meal of the day she pointed out) and conversation but to me it was, in a word, depressing.

I hope I die young.

At any rate, when I was done being incredibly altruistic, something I prefer to do with a checkbook, I went to pick up my new computer. Terribly exciting! TERRIBLY!! I brought it home and set it up and turned it on. Now what? I could have taken a class but I hate being told what to do, even for my own good, so I decided I would just deal on my own. I don’t know shit about Apple computers.

I couldn’t figure anything out and indeed, was texting my daughters to find out how to fix the bookmarks, etc. and I now have most of it down pat. So, I was trying to organize my computer because all my photos and documents and other stuff was now completely screwed up.

I figured synching it to my iPad and iPhone would help but what happened instead was that I fucked both of them up. First, I inadvertently copied 10000 some odd pictures onto my iPad; yeah, that took up a lot of room. Then I had to get rid of them and it’s still not back to normal. I also can’t figure out how to organize things in iPhoto. I haven’t yet hooked my backup drive in but it looks like keeping all this shit on my computer is a bad idea. The whole folders thing is ass backwards.

Then last night, Kevin asked me if I had tried to mess with the network. Ummmm…no, I had planned on having someone come in to change out the Linksys Router to the new Airport Extreme Router.

Kevin: Do we really need to do that?

Lynn: I was going to have Chris come do it.

Kevin: Don’t you want to try to fix it? You know how.

Lynn: I’m not sure of all that IP Address crap though.

Kevin: Just keep the packaging so we can return it then.

(So I unwrap the beautiful, pristine white Airport Extreme and trade it out with the LinkSys)

Lynn: Hmmm…the lights not green but it’s amber; that’s not right.

Kevin: Did you read the instructions?

Lynn: No, I hate instructions. They’re so boring.

Kevin: That’s why you always screw up!

Lynn: No, that’s why I’m always so awesome!

Kevin: What are you doing now?

Lynn: Here’s an install disk. Oh, it says to run this before plugging in the Airport Extreme. Whoops!

Kevin: Lynn

Lynn: I’m sure it’s no big deal. Let’s install this and see what’s happening…oh, I don’t know the answer to this question. I doubt it’s important.

Kevin: What are you doing?

Lynn: Hmmm…the entire network is down. Where did the entire Network go? Oh, I see I was supposed to have chosen the other option where I switched routers rather than created a new network. That doesn’t look good.

Kevin: What’s the status?

Lynn: Our Internet is dead and we now have none.

Kevin: That’s not good!

Lynn: I’d have to agree with you.

Kevin: I wanted to watch Apple TV later

Lynn: Well, that’s not going to happen now, is it?

Kevin: You screwed it up

Lynn: Probably shouldn’t have put me in charge then

Kevin: Should we change it back?

Lynn: I’ll try…nope still doesn’t work with the old router now

Kevin: Lynn

Lynn: Kevin

Kevin: Should we call Apple?

Lynn: Probably

Kevin: They’re not answering

Lynn: Too late, it’s after 9:00. Go take a shower and leave me alone and I’ll figure it out

(so he leaves and I take everything apart, shut down the system, set it up the old way and turn it back on and somehow, MacDonald Network is up and running again. Of course, I’m incredibly impressed with myself and go to hunt Kevin down)

Lynn: I fixed it! Boy, I’m good!

Kevin: You screwed it up in the first place

Lynn: Yeah, but then I FIXED it too!

Kevin: You know what you need to do right?

Lynn: Pat myself on the back?

Kevin: No, call Apple tomorrow and find out what you did wrong?

(Kevin! Always Mr. Practical right? How am I supposed to live with this level of expectation?)

So I sent out a Tweet lauding my incredible McGuyver like skills saying “I completely fucked up my Network and then got it back together again…oh shit”

To which I received these responses:

“Leave it to you to break a Mac on the first day!

… and this …

“Maybe a new business? How to bring back your network?”

So, here’s the status. My old network is still up and running and I own an Airport Extreme that I can’t figure out. I can’t figure out the autocorrect on this stupid program. I can’t figure out how to organize my pictures. I can’t figure out what graphics package to use. But mostly?

8 Comments

At least YOU found humor in the situation! Routers, networks, crashing computers = F-bombs in MY house, by none other than me, and everyone scatters, including the dogs. My hubby is computer challenged and my kids muck it all up because I don’t like HOW they do it, I’m OC like that, therefore I do it myself, then piss myself off when I muck something up!Pamela D Hart recently posted..Men—You Can’t Change Them and Shouldn’t

Even though I’m not crazy about computers, they are my business…..when I have a job. So this piece literally cracked me up all the way through. You are among millions of people who do the very same thing when they get a new PC….. you don’t read the instructions. That’s really funny to me because it keeps the help desks in the world (India) busy and prosperous. It used to keep help desks in the U.S. busy, until most of them outsourced to India. So good luck calling Apple. Hopefully you’ll get Steve from Pittsburgh instead of someone from Bombay. Or at least a facsimile with a good accent.

Just another reason why I’m convinced Apple was created by the devil – sent to distract us with it’s sleek marketing. It is while we’re all distracted that it’ll take over the world & cause the apocalypse. Totally.

hahaha…they sure are pretty aren’t they. The irony of all this is that my first job was with an Apple in 1982. It was the first personal computer and IBM was desperately trying to take over the market. They did…and eventually Apple took it back.