And yet again, kudos must go to Mr Ben Henderson for arranging not one day but this year two days of the most entertaining mayhem! I saw less this year than last, as this year Steven C. Davis and I were attending as authors with books, readings and workshops; but what I saw was fairly unforgettable. A passing breeze as we talked to a new friend turned out to be three inflatable ostriches amidst race from the back of the church hall, down the high street. I suppose everyone needs a fetish of some sort. A live and not-especially-racy snail race commenced in a slimy fashion. Not human snails this year, live ones. Those who know me, and who remember Broadarrow Jack, need only look to our Mollusc Sonata (Rhapsody in Slime) to know exactly how I feel about slugs, snails, and things that go ooze in the night (lyrics reproduced below, as I suspect a 'few' of you won't have heard this song).And that wasn't all! Intrepid storytelling from Janet Dowling; ethereal warbling from Ziazan; tea duelling, corset limbo and more ably presented by Spy Mistress General. The Best Cake in the World and chilli eating contests (not combined). More planned world record attempts than you could shake a snail-slimed stick at.Music, too - ably provided in the Royal Oak throughout both days by Steampunk DJ Steve Jones, with our own GASP* host Mr Steven C. Davis providing choons via our killer robot speaker, Andrew the Android, in Christchurch on Saturday. Performers like Birthrite, Metropolis, Tom Slatter, Moth, and more - sadly I didn't get to see any of the evening performances due to trains and masses of luggage, but I'm told they were simply marvelous.And of course the traders provided shinies, pretties, tasties and more marvels, and were a thoroughly lovely bunch of people as well. In fact, everyone was lovely. Mr Davis and I would particularly like to thank those who came to talk to us at our table in Christchurch on Saturday, and in The Royal Oak on Sunday; and those who attended Saturday's 'Victorian Prostitute Killer Robot Bank Job Shocker' book readings and, Sunday's 'The Hobbit: Retold'. 'The Hobbit' gave the attendees much more chance to join in, which they did with gusto, effectively rewriting said classic story from a new and slightly scary steampunk perspective, the results of which have been posted in the Convivial facebook page for attendees to enjoy!It was great to catch up with some friends we haven't seen for a while; and as always to make some new friends, too. A wonderful time, yet again. Ben, thank you for inviting us. Everyone, thank you for being lovely. Hope to see you all soon!*The Gothic, Alternative, Steampunk and Progressive web radio show on Blast 1386 every Tuesday night, 8pm-10pm UK

First of all, before diving into this week's blog, a quick apology to anyone who tuned into GASP radio on BLAST1386 for the show of Tuesday 18th Feb - unfortunately work to BLAST's inner workings overran, and the show was unable to be broadcast. Hopefully, all will be fully tuned and working again by next week.And now, returning you to your main feature...As you may be aware, this Saturday and Sunday I will be conducting authorial shenaningans at the 3rd annual Surrey Steampunk Convivial, in New Malden, Surrey.Devoted blog readers (hello, Mom!) may recollect that Crimson Clocks performed at last year's convivial and had a thoroughly splendid time. There were human snails, shanty singers, Most Marvellous Cake competitions, tea dueling, and basically waaaay too much to recount here. This year's event has grown to encompass two days and two venues, and almost certainly twice as much anarchy. And hopefully twice as many Marvellous Cakes.This year I will be attending with Steven C. Davis, where we will not only be undertaking a Random Reading of Rambunctious Writings on Saturday, but also a Controversial Counter-adapation of Classics on Sunday (details below).

And as if that wasn't enough, we'll also be on a mission from GASP... recording interviews, soundbites and snippets for future editions of the Gothic, Steampunk, Alternative and Progressive radio show, only on BLAST 1386. Come and find us at Christchurch hall on Saturday, and at The Royal Oak, New Malden, on Sunday, and get yourself on the radio!See you there...

He was a bit of a drip. In fact most people described him as completely half soaked. A long drink of water, he was thin too, looking so much younger than his years that most people still thought he was wet behind the ears, and paid him no attention. He did little to remedy people's opinions; in fact, he was most frequently described as being dull as ditchwater. Often he appeared all at sea; and even when focused he was a real wet blanket, his glass always half-emptyThings were not always as they seemed, though. While on the outside he might appear to be a fish out of water, a bit of a shower, inside, different tides surged through him. What was that saying about still waters running deep? Well, his external nature only served to muddy the waters; what went on inside blew all of that out of the water.He had tested the water many times; he knew that treading water wouldn't cut it any more; it was time to sink or swim. His old, watered down existence was simply water under the bridge. No longer would he put a dampener on what went on around him, pouring cold water onto even his own ideas. Now it was time to pool his resources, no matter how much of drain it seemed, no matter how washed out it made him feel. His old life washed away like water from a duck's back; it was time for a sea-change. Come hell or high water, no matter who leaked what about him, he was determined. He would take that horse to water. And he would damn well make it drink.*no apologies for a bit of watery silliness, inspired by floods, plumbers, accidental overuse of watery idiom, and the realisation of how much the idea of water permeates (here we go again) the English language...

Time is getting away from me again.... It's February now, which means in under 8 months, I'll have finished my degree. Which means that in under 8 months, while holding down a full time job, I'll have written two more essays, completed a dissertation, played and rehearsed for gigs with Crimson Clocks (including Alt-Fest in August!), presented & prepared workshops and readings at events (aiming for one event a month, folks!), and continued as GASP radio show's regular roving reporter. Somewhere in the background a clock is ticking (possibly a Crimson Clock....)

In the meantime, No1 Cat The Beast (aged 18 & 5/6ths) has turned into Father Jack Hackett (video clip - you've been warned) from Father Ted. He isn't quite confined to a bath-chair, but I'm fairly sure his random bellows could be translated as 'Drink!' and 'Food!' very easily (ok, Father Jack did not shout, 'Food!', but The Beast isn't really interested in girls...). No2 Cat The Jibber (aged 13 & 5/6ths) has warts. He may have been bitten by a radioactive toad. And the stopcock under my sink (aged 7 & 1/2) is still leaking...

Father Beast Hackett

Jibber the Feline Toad

Of course, in an existential twist, I don't actually HAVE to do any of these things – not even fix the stopcock or mind the cats, even though that may lead to a flood or a feline world coup). There is no compulsion on me to finish my Masters degree, to play gigs, to attend workshops or even go out to work. These are all choices that I make. Yes, there would be consequences if I elected not to do any or all of these things. But ultimately, the only thing that is making me do all this - is me.

Would I change it?

No, I wouldn't. But hopefully this explains to some extent why I took the decision to stop using Facebook for January, returning to it now with reduced usage; and why I'm not attending outings or meet-ups as much as I once could. I've chosen to try to fit a lot into my day; I'm a poor old thing these days, and I do have to sleep from time to time...

Bad girl? Me?

After September, the dissertation and essays will be done.... but then, well, I'll be cracking on with finishing Volume 3 of The Automata Wars. And there's a few new songs I've got brewing for Crimson Clocks that are half finished.... and there might be a couple of side projects, musically and authorially, on the way too... The game, as I believe 'they' say, is afoot. No rest for the wicked? I must have been a VERY bad girl... (And of course, if you're missing me, don't forget that you can listen in tonight at 8pm UK to the GASP radio show on BLAST 1386, where I may mention biscuits once or twice. You can also take a listen to Crimson Clocks new EP, A Darker Shadow, via our bandcamp page; and you can watch some readings from The Automata Wars on youtube, or even get Volume 1, The Home Front for your personal collection here...)

Author

I'm a writer of steampunk/ fantasy fiction, singer/musician and writer at LM Cooke Music, singer in the parody band Mediaeval Biaetches, occasional historian, and co-presenter of the Gothic Alternative Steampunk and Progressive web radio show. Here I will ramble vaguely about stuff. Friends, countrymen, and people who aren't countrymen, lend me your ears...