Another
moneymaker here at the Seaquarium is our
very popular Swim with the Dolphins program.

We
know that everyone wants to be up close and personal
with our property. Oops, I mean family. So regardless
of how it affects these poor captive dolphins,
we have made it available for your enjoyment and
our profit. That's what it's all about.

The
Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society (WDCS)
tells people that whales and dolphins kept
in captivity live in cramped, stressful
conditions, are more prone to infection,
and generally die young. It's true. When
dolphins are constantly being exposed to
dirty hands, human diseases, and our desire
to touch and be near them, they experience
very high levels of stress, sickness, and
even death. But what's one dolphin more
or less? The important thing is that you
will be having fun, and we will be making
money.
<Miami Seaquairum Death Chart>

For an aditional $140 you may swim with
our captive dolphins for a half-hour.

We
should probably warn you though: Dolphins
can weigh from 300 to 1200 pounds and don't
always realize their own strength. The good
thing is that The Animal and Plant Health
Inspection Service (APHIS), the same one that
said Lolita's illegal tank is acceptable,
does not require injury reports and there
areno regulations.
So we don't really have to tell you information
like:

PUBLIC
HEALTH RISKS Persons handling marine
mammals are at risk from infection by the
numerous microorganisms normally present
in the aquarium or marine environment.[FULL
REPORT]

Yomiuri
Shimbun, a 37-year-old woman has demanded 2.8
million yen
in damages from a hotel in Wakayama Prefecture
after she was injured
during a dolphin show held at the hotel, it was
learned Friday.

The
woman, of Okayama, and her family stayed at the
hotel in July last year.
During the show, she and her two children were
invited to enter the pool and
swim with the dolphins. However, one of the dolphins
struck the woman,
breaking at least one of her ribs and a bone in
her lower back. She was hospitalized for six months
and says she still suffers from numbness in her
lower back.

In
the suit, filed with the Okayama District Court,
the woman claims the hotel failed to take precautions
to prevent such accidents.

Or

In
Florida, a man suffered broken ribs and a woman
broke her arm when a dolphin that was approaching
for an interaction passed too quickly between
them.

Or

"Out
of the 24 reported cases of captive dolphin aggression
in the last 5 years, 22 were directed toward females
and the other two were young boys." - Sea
World Ohio research data

This
makes it a lot easier on our marketing and advertising
departments since they can purely focus on the
propaganda that sells instead of truisms like: