Humor in Uniform - CAPTAIN COMMANDANT

In
the Army there used to be an appointment called “Colonel Commandant”.

Sometime
in the 1970’s the Navy decided to imitate the Army and appointed “Captain
Commandants” – one for each branch (Executive, Engineering, Electrical and
Supply & Secretariat).

[The
Supply & Secretariat (S&S) Branch was later abolished. Soon, the “powers-that-be” realized that abolishing the S&S Branch was a big blunder –
so they brought back the S&S Branch under a new “avatar” renamed as “Logistics”
Branch].

One
day I was appointed as Liaison Officer to our Captain Commandant.

The
Captain Commandant was a recently retired Rear Admiral.

By
sheer coincidence, both of us had studied engineering at the same institution
before joining the Navy.

Of course, he had studied engineering in the 1940’s before
joining the Navy as a direct entry officer – and I had done my B. Tech. the
1970’s before joining the Navy as a Sub Lieutenant under the University Entry
Scheme.

The
Captain Commandant asked me about myself.

When
he discovered that we were fellow alumni – he started talking freely with me.

He
told me memories of his college life – and he talked about his early days in
the navy.

The
Captain Commandant had a great sense of humour.

“They
did not make me a Vice Admiral. Instead, they retired me off and made me “Captain
Commandant” – and now I am on a “Bharat Darshan” tour listening to sob stories,”
he laughed.

“Sob
stories?” I asked.

He
looked at me, and he said: “Don’t you know the job of a Captain Commandant?”

“No,
Sir,” I said.

“I
am supposed to solve problems of officers and sailors of my branch. I hope you
don’t have any problems?” he said.

“Sir,
actually I have a problem – rather a request,” I hesitantly said.

“Speak
up – tell me your problem – feel free,” he said.

“Sir,
I want to get out of this horrible desolate place. Can you please get me
transferred to Bombay?” I said.

(Mumbai
was called Bombay then).

“You
want a transfer to Bombay. Why? This is the alma mater of our branch. Don’t you
like instructional duties?” he asked.

“Sir,
I am a bachelor – and for a bachelor this place is terrible,” I said.

The
Captain Commandant smiled, and he said, “Let me see what I can do.”

As a good Liaison Officer, I
looked after the “Captain Commandant” during his busy schedule, and I was by his
side for all the official events – Ceremonial Divisions, his “Pep Talk” to
officers and sailors, Tea Party with junior sailors, “Booze Up” with senior
sailors, and the grand formal “Mess Night” at the Wardroom Officers’ Mess.

Next
morning he had a long one-to-one discussion with our Commanding Officer (CO).

I
waited outside in the Staff Officer’s office.

Then
we were off to the airport.

“I
spoke to your CO – in fact, I also spoke to the Director at Naval Headquarters
on phone – regarding your problem,” he said.

“Sir
– Am I being transferred to Bombay?” I asked excitedly.

“I
am afraid not. There is no chance of your being transferred out of this place. Your
CO is not willing to spare you. And the Director said that you have just come
here and they intend keeping you here for at least two years more,” he said.

I
was heartbroken.

Seeing
the dismay on my face, the Captain Commandant said, “Don't worry. We will solve
your problem. We will find you a good wife...”

“Sir
– what are you saying…?” I exclaimed, totally bewildered.

“Well,
I can’t get you transferred out of this place – so let me do the next best thing
to help you out. The root cause of your problem is because you are a bachelor –
you feel lonely in this desolate place. Once you are married, your problem of
loneliness will be solved. Let me tell you that this is the best place for
newly married couples – you will get a nice house immediately once you are
married – this is the only navy station with 100% married accommodation...” he said.

“Sir,
please don’t pull my leg...” I said.

“I
am not pulling your leg. I am serious. My wife is into this matchmaking thing –
she knows lots of marriageable girls – daughters of senior naval officers. She
will find a suitable bride for you. Just send me your details and I will pass
it on to her,” the Captain Commandant said.

I
did not send him my details.

I
did not want to trouble the “Captain Commandant” to find a bride for me.

1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

About Me

A creative person with a zest for
life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated
at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School
Pune, Vikram has published two books:COCKTAILa collection of fiction short stories about relationships
(2011) andAPPETITE FOR A STROLLa
book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel, writing short fiction and compiling his memoirs. An avid
blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative
non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, books, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories, self help and art of living essays in magazines and journals and published a number of professional research papers and reviews and edited in-house magazines and journals for many years, before the advent
of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to
creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse -
his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative
thoughts.