Friday, August 5, 2011

Introspection vs Distraction

Insanity, as weallknow, isdefined as tryingthesamethingoverandoveragainandexpecting a differentresult. I may be insane. Startingwithtaking a semesterabroadmysophomoreyearofcollege, I've beendoingthesamethingoverandoveragain. Escaping. Themonotonyofworkingin a field I have no passionfor, therelational drama, thedistractionsofliving a "normal" lifealwaysmakes me feeluncomfortable. So I feelthat I mustgoout - experience - live. Yet, each time I trysomethinglikethis, I endup miserable for a periodof time. Andeach time, I've selected a more challengingcircumstanceorlocation. Each time, I tellmyself, neveragain. Each time, I lookbackonhowmuch I learnedfromtheexperience. Well, I betterlearnsomethinggrandfromthistrip, as I think I've outdonemyself. Beingalonein a foreigncountrywherenextto no onespeaksyourlanguageandthere's no setscheduleortasklist (I do muchbetterwithstructure...) has beenreallyreallyhard. I've takentowalkingforhourseachmorningjusttogetmyselfout. Today, after my breakfast of champions (burnt "fried" eggs - must get used to this stove), I successfullystompedfromoneedgeoftowntotheotherandback (roughly 5 miles). Andwithoutmy usual walkingcompanion (zeeiPod), there's nothingtodistract me. I've alsolimitedmyinternetstreamingmostofmy time here (exceptlastnightwhen I gaveinto 5 episodesofHow I MetYourMother) toridmyselfofthe normal time wastingdistractions. This has ledtomuchintrospection. I've neverbeen a persontoshyawayfromalone time, butwhenitistheonlyoption, itiseasytogetoverwhelmedwithyourself.

Whenyou'realone:

- Time ismuch more prevalent. Forthemostpart, itdoesnotfly.

- Isthere a needto use your vocal chords?

- Thoughtsseemto be veryself-centered. Thisisthepartthatconcerns me. Whileintrospectionis a goodthing, and I havealreadylearnedsomethingsaboutmyself (ie as hard as this has been, I amdoingit, and I'm doingok), I tendtothinkthatbeing too self-involvedisawful. However, itisgoodthatwedealwithourproblems/situations as distractingourselves (withfriends, work, entertainment, etc) willonlydelaythe inevitable. So I'm tryingtostrikeup a goodmixofintrospectiontodealand catalogue myexperiencesandproductionanddistraction.

2 comments:

I loved this post. I identify with the whole isolation stuff. I've been living in quite extreme (for me) isolation this past week, and it has been trying. I have no schedule but a huge to do list, and it's driving me bonkers. If I had money, I'd channel it into exploring more. Anyway, I'm getting to understand me in a different way. It's hard to put my finger on it, but I'm starting to figure out the whole needs/wants in a lot of different shades.

Houston is practically a different country, but it's still extremely American. Isn't it stressful? But here, it's SO DAMN HOT!