December 25, 2011

"SOPA Lad" (The SOPA Song) - With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

Happy Holidays, all! This is especially the time of year when we should take stock of what we have to be thankful for.

And perhaps it's also a time to consider how much worse things could be if we don't take appropriate actions. And when thinking about terrible outcomes, the horrendous and dangerous SOPA (Stop Online Piracy Act - H.R. 3261) legislation comes immediately to mind.

You already know why this legislation has the potential to destroy the Internet as we know it. But something has been missing from these explanations.

Ah yes! Of course. A song!

So once more throwing my dignity to the winds, I again apologize to Mr. Gilbert and Mr. Sullivan, as I offer:

SOPA Lad (The SOPA Song) - to the tune of When I Was a Lad from H.M.S. Pinafore (1878).

The song lyrics are below and on the Closed Captions (CC) track of the YouTube video version (you may want to adjust the CC Settings for optimum display).

When I was a lad I'd get such a thrill,
Out of crushing bugs and making people ill.
I snitched and I tattled and I spied like sin,
And I really loved to turn the other kids right in.

(He really loved to turn all of the kids right in.)

I turned in all the kids with such a gruesome sway,
That now I am in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(He turned in everyone in such a gruesome way,
That now he is charge of the S-O-P-A.)

As a lawyer new I was put right in charge,
Of the trolling of patents that were small and large.
I'd send out all the letters, that were threats quite smart,
And I never worried at all about prior art.

(He never had to worry about prior art.)

I was oh so efficient getting snooks to pay,
That now I am in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(He was oh so adept at getting snooks to pay,
That now he is in charge of the S-O-P-A.)

My skills at extortion had become so very grand,
That I turned all my attention to In-ter-net land.
If I could censor the whole Net successfully,
All the money would come rolling right in straight to me.

(And the money would all roll in direct straight to he.)

I planned my whole attack so that without delay,
I'd be sure to be in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(He planned his full attack and yes with no delay,
He was sure he'd be in charge of the S-O-P-A.)

Word got out everywhere through all of Washington,
That I was the right guy to get their evil done.
All the politicians felt Net speech was way too free,
So for quick solutions they were calling me.

(And in search of quick solutions they were calling he.)

I filed content takedowns every old which way,
So that now I am in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(He filed so many takedowns on most every day,
That now he is in charge of the S-O-P-A.)

I knew that if free speech were just called piracy,
We could lock up all complainers, throw away the key
Google search results I could all then control,
And bury awkward info in a deep, dark, hole.

(He could bury all the info in a deep, dark hole.)

I would bury all the info so far from the fray,
That I knew I'd be in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(He would bury all the info so far and away,
That he'd happily be in charge of S-O-P-A.)

So all of you future rich powers that would be,
If you want to kill Net content that is out there free.
Buy some politicians, tell your lies with lots of glee,
And never worry about acting ethically.

(And never worry about acting ethically.)

Screw the whole DNS ... throw security away,
And you all may be in charge of the S-O-P-A.

(Damn the DNS, toss security away,
And you may get even richer from S-O-P-A!)