an unfolding story of a portland stay at home dad

Guest Post: Any Male Can be a Father, It Takes a Man to be a Dad

Todays guest post is brought to you by Tiffany over at Mom-Nom. She is the mother of two and has a great blog for a mommy blogger. You shouldn’t follow her on Twitter but should go to her blog and read her funny posts and sign up for the many amazing give aways she hosts from some crafty folks. I flatly deny any story she may or may not tell about an alleged follower competition but just to be safe don’t follow her, follow me instead. If she has any cool give aways or funny posts I will tell you about them I promise. With out any further ado:

You see, James & I have a unique story. HE was having his own personal Twitter Follower’s contest with ME, WITHOUT TELLING ME ABOUT IT. So, you can imagine my surprise when he actually told me. about a contest. he’d been having for weeks. with me.

And, you can see why I was a little shocked when I ventured over to his blog and discovered how great it is. I mean, who has private competitions with someone that doesn’t even know their competing and still rocks? This dood ==> James. That’s who.

And honestly, here I am rather intimidated. I mean…I’ve never written on a dood’s website before. You guys take it easy on me okay? I’m all girly & fragile & shit.

(For the record, I won the contest.)
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At 20 years old I had the daunting task of finding someone who was willing to be a step-father. I took me four years.

You see, I wasn’t just looking for an every-other-weekend/three nights a week step-father, but a full-time dad.

I would describe this task as stressful & aging. And…well, mostly aging.

I liked to tell myself I was “hand-picking” someone. You know, to make me feel better about the situation an all. While this situation isn’t quite so unique now-a-days it is still very eye-opening and very stressful for a single mom.

I believe most women marry the man of their dreams – imagining the father he will be. I also believe most of them are living in a fairy-tale land, that doesn’t exist, when they picture life after kids. In my opinion, if you don’t have kids, the entire thought of having them IS a fairy-tale.

On the otherhand, I had the crystal ball in my hands… I could see into the future, before I married him. I could witness his evolution as he grew more accustomed to having a child around. I could watch as he fell in love & I like to think that I helped shape his evolution as a father.

You know, cause I like taking credit for good stuff.

I even had a list. I’m crazy like that.

He has to be:

Christian (preferably Catholic) & dedicated to raising his family in faith

Someone who can cook & clean. Not someone who would raise my son to think of housework as a “woman’s work”

But still handy, cause I need someone to fix stuff. Ya know? When I break stuff. From screaming. (Can you say hypocrite?)

But really, all I wanted was a man that could show my son true, unconditional love. I wanted him to witnes a man who loved his family, his children, his wife & his life completely.

Do I feel like I had an edge on other women because of this all-knowing eye? Yes. I do, actually. The first six months – or even the first year – of having a child as a married couple is a strange relationship-altering time. Yes, most couples make it but there are usually some bangs and bruises along the way. For the most part, we got to skip this. You see, I was what I call a “ready-made” family. A package deal. A take it or leave it situation…I could keep going. But, I’ll spare you.

You see, I don’t tell him enough. And, he doesn’t read my guest posts, so he may never know…but he saved us from anymore broken hearts, unreturned phone calls, uncomfortable first dates, lonely nights at home & awkward school gatherings.

I like to think I made the most of my situation. I took what life handed me (lemons, lets say) and I made delicious frozen lemondate margahitas.

Delish.

You dad’s are pretty rad doods. Who come in all shapes, styles and packages. And I, for one, can’t imagine life without you…now.

Glad to see you found such a great guy. I can imagine how important that was to you considering this was a man entering into a relationship with a woman who already had children. Such a different scenario (for me) but certainly not for many other single mom’s out there. It’s unfortunate how many bad “doods” there are out there but I also think us good “doods” are just not noticed. Thanks for taking notice of one of the good guys and for sharing your story.

Mr. CB came into me and my first daughter’s life when she was just shy of 1… Her ‘real’ father (cock sucking sperm donor) left us when she was 6 months old. THANK GOD! But at the time I felt desperate and alone and scared.

Mr. CB picked me up, showedme what a REAL MAN should be, and what a DADDY was. After we had our second daughter he adopted Emmy (my oldest) and Emmy and I never looked back after May 27, 2005.

I do not tell him how much I love him and appreciate him enough either… Thanks for reminding me hooker!