Monday, August 08, 2005

How many kids do you have??!!

Here is a problem I continue to face...and yet I have no answer. The problem of how many kids any one mother chooses to have. J and I decided last year that two is our (my physical and emotional) limit to the number of kids we should have. Because of my age, the midwife strongly expressed that tubal ligation IS NOT reversible. NO PROBLEM! I know that, for me, two is all I can handle...any more and I would be in a corner with my hands over my ears screaming, "Make the bad little people go away!" But, for some reason, there's a huge number of moms who think that 4 kids is the ideal number for ALL moms. I totally admire and respect anyone who can raise and love in a sane manner more than 2 kids. But just because you can do it doesn't mean we all can. I really think there are some women out there who are really gifted with kids and those who simply missed the mommy boat. By all means, if you don't think you can handle more kids think about stopping. There are also moms who probably shouldn't have had any kids to begin with. They are the ones who do spend most of their days in a corner screaming. By no means am I telling you to get rid of your kids (necessarily), but consider establishing a net of people whom your kids can learn from and get love from if you're unable to cope. I don't think moms of olden times could've made it without a community of women (aunts, cousins, neighbors, grandparents) to help them raise their kids.

It's such a sad reality that in our modern day we have forgotten how to be a true community. No wonder so many of us set our kids in front of a TV or computer for hours on end. We, as sole caregivers, don't have a human to help us. Maybe parenting books and magazines should stop telling us that too much TV is bad and start teaching us how to be a better community. One of my dear friends L just moved a block away a couple months ago. We trade kids, meals, massages and more and I think we're both a little more sane because of it. Please don't abandon finding a close girlfriend just because you have kids. We need it.