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5 simple ideas to have more fun in your marriage

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Is your
marriage fun?

For a lot of
people, that question is a no-brainer. “Of course we’re having fun!” they say. But
for many, this question makes them realize it’s been a long time since “fun”
has been a word to describe their relationship.

Too often we
get stuck in the grind of life and forget there’s a season for everything –
including laughter! The good news is you don’t need to be a comedian to bring
the fun back into your marriage.

“I just try
to find simple ways every day to make [my wife] laugh,” Ted Cunningham explains
in a Focus
on the Family Broadcast. “For the average guy who says, ‘I don’t write
jokes. I don’t write humorous stories. I can’t deliver one-liners that work’ –
there’s plenty you can do to bring that humour, that laughter, that fun, that
play into your marriage in very simple, practical and, dare I say, quick ways.”

In his
studies on the effects of laughter, Dr. Robert Provine1 has found
that laughter is less about telling jokes and more about building connection in
relationships. Laughter, he notes, plays an especially big role in fostering
intimacy and romance in marriage.

Interestingly,
one of Provine’s findings is that laughter tends to decline as we get older –
making it all the more important for couples of all ages to make sure they’re
having fun.

If you’re not
sure how to bring laughter back into your relationship, here are five ideas to get
you started with examples from real-life couples who are taking a cue from
Ecclesiastes 9:9 and enjoying life with their spouse whom they love.

1.Explore your shared interests

The best place to start is to take a look at your shared interests. What do you enjoy doing together? What hobbies did you have as a dating couple?

Rolf and Nadia have been together for over 20 years and both enjoy the great outdoors and going kayaking. With tweens in the house, they make sure they still set aside time for just the two of them to enjoy their favourite hobbies.

2. If you don't seem to have shared interests, make a Venn diagram

You may have
more interests in common than you think; you just haven’t discovered them yet.
Draw a circle that includes your hobbies and a circle of your spouse’s hobbies
and see where there are similarities. Perhaps you both like to do to do things
outdoors like Rolf and Nadia. Or maybe you both like activities where you get
to be creative. Find the overlap in your Venn diagram of hobbies and give them a
try!

Heidi and Jer
have very different interests. Their hobbies are different, as are their tastes
in movies, music and books. They eventually realized, though, that they both
enjoy being goofy and watching silly comedies together. Jer, a natural
prankster, makes sure they have fun every day – even after 15 years.

“Our [tween]
boys roll their eyes,” Heidi adds, “but we think it’s important for them to see
an example of a fun, healthy marriage.”

3. If you don't have any common interests, try
your spouse's favourite hobby and vice versa

Cathy and
Jeremy have been married for over 30 years and still make fun time together a
priority. They’re part of a board game club and a walking club, combining their
shared hobbies with the benefits of a social community. Even though their
interests overlap in a lot of areas, one of the places they differ is literature
– but that doesn’t stop them!

“We don’t read
the same books, so we like to suggest our favourites to each other,” Cathy
explains. “It gives us an opportunity to read something different and then we
usually discuss them after reading them.”

If you feel
as though you have nothing in common with your spouse, take an interest in
something they love. They’ll feel appreciated knowing you’re willing to step
outside of your box and you’ll get to know them better as a result.

Laura and
Scott have yet to celebrate their first anniversary, but they’ve learned to do
something similar to Cathy and Jeremy. Their Netflix queues can often look
quite different from each other, so they make a point of sharing the remote and
enjoying each other’s top picks. Instead of doing it begrudgingly, they have
fun and make light of it, knowing shared time together is more fun than sitting
in separate rooms with separate TVs.

4. Try something new that neither of you have
done before

One great
option – whether you have shared interests or not – is to try something that’s new
to you and your spouse. By both being
novices, you can avoid the dynamic where one of you feels confident and the
other feels intimidated. Learn a language together. Take an art class. Go rock
climbing. There’s a great sense of camaraderie when you’re both stepping into
the unknown.

When they
were dating a decade ago, Kas and Margo loved going out and trying new
restaurants. Although they still try to go out, they have also found a way of
bringing new restaurants home with them. One of their favourite eateries published
a cookbook, so they borrowed it from the library and did the recipes
themselves. It was a new experience for both of them, but they had fun trying
new spices and techniques as they cooked dishes they would never have made on
their own.

5. Keep it simple and make it doable

Having fun in
your marriage doesn’t have to be complicated – it can just be adding levity to
your everyday routines. As Ted Cunningham explains, “This can take minutes a day. I’m not talking about
investing the whole day in it, but to be intentional with it.”

For Mary and
Allan, walking their dog, Missy, is a fun opportunity to get out of the house
and spend time together. After nearly 50 years, they’ve combined this routine with
exploring new parks. This simple shared activity helps them focus on each other
and enjoy the beauty of their city.

Ted
Cunningham includes in the broadcast a call for all of us within the church to
set an example of a fun, thriving marriage – much like Heidi and Jer want to
set for their sons:

"To me, part of painting a beautiful
picture of marriage for the young people in our church and for the – dare we
say it again – average couple in our church, is to not lead
out with this: 'It's grueling; it's painful. It's toilsome.' Okay,
we'll get to that, right. We'll all process that at some point in our
marriage, but to continue to paint this beautiful picture of companionship in
marriage."

God desires
us to become more Christlike through marriage by learning selflessness,
patience, grace and much more, but He also desires for us to be more like Him
through laughter, joy and celebration. Be intentional, find something you can
enjoy together and bring the fun back into your relationship!