Billionaire Blog Posts

It was a lovely day in DC as the Billionaires for Wealthcare gathered to survey our investments. After a few of our beautiful heiresses took proper tea at the Ladies Tea Party held by Americans for Prosperity, our gilded heroes headed off to greet the marchers with signs, chants and songs.

We set up our post on an elevated curb along Pennsylvania Avenue, proudly surveying the throngs we’d funded. The crowds mainly greeted us with cheers for the status quo. A few seemed confused; they were clearly in awe to be face-to-face with those who profit from their most manipulated fears.

From there we decamped and headed into the crowds toward the Capitol to mingle with those working so hard to ensure our right to raise rates and deny claims.

The crowd embraced us with their exuberant chants and signs. Ayn Rand was a favorite theme, of which we naturally approved, but some were a bit unique. Regardless, we’re proud of the teabaggers, and thrilled that they came out like good soldiers. After all, nothing says freedom like denying claims. And besides, OUR death panels turn a profit.

To close we popped some champagne, toasted our teabaggers and took our leave of the march.

Back in the limo, we enjoyed the last of our caviar and, as a final touch, sent a huge flower arrangement to the luxury suite of our most loyal foot soldier, Glenn Beck, and headed home.

Billionaires for Wealthcare ( http://billionairesforwealthcare.com), the satirical street theater group composed of “Health Insurance CEOs, HMO lobbyists, and others profiting off of our broken healthcare system,” will be out in force this Saturday, September 12 “thanking” the teabaggers for protecting healthcare industry profits. Billionaires will gather near the Capitol Steps, Washington, D.C., 11 a.m. – 3 p.m. during the Tea Party March on Washington ( http://912dc.org/ ).

Among the billionaires and health industry CEOs on hand for the event, Phil T. Rich spoke up for their cause: “For the last decade, healthcare costs have been moving in the right direction: up! And with no competition, we raise rates as often and as high as we like — 29% in some cases — simply because, well, we can.”

PHOTO OPs will abound as Billionaires in tuxedos and evening gowns entertain the crowds, sing patriotic songs, and pop champagne bottles while holding placards that read “Let Them Eat Advil”, “Our Death Panels
Turn a Profit” and “Whatever Happened To An Apple A Day?”

ABOUT BILLIONAIRES FOR WEALTHCARE

Billionaires for Wealthcare is a grassroots network of health insurance CEOs, industry lobbyists, talk-show hosts, and others profiting off of our broken healthcare system. We are not a political, religious or even
particularly well-organized group. We’re simple folk, thrilled profiteers, pouring out of our corner offices to dance on the grave of “Change.” We’ll do whatever it takes to ensure another decade where America’s pain is our gain. After all, when it comes to healthcare, if we ain’t broke, why fix it?

With all the talk of healthcare reform, we at Billionaires for Wealthcare have one simple question: What’s not to like about the current system?

For the last decade, heath care costs have been moving in the right direction: up. With no competition, we raise rates as often and as high as we like — 29% in some cases, simply because, well, we can. To further maximize our gains we have a star chamber of insurance bureaucrats, backed by legions of anonymous temps, who adhere to strict cost-to-profit ratios when denying claims. But please don’t call them Death Panels; we prefer “Judge, Jury & Executioner.”

To those who call for rational, not rationed, care, we say, What are you Canadian? As to the rest of you — reformers, (em)pathetic legislators, and anyone sick or who might ever get sick — we say, ‘What are you going to do about it? Choose a public option?’ Not with us paying lobbyists $1.4 million per day to kill it before it even gets out of committee. Is it any wonder that as healthcare reform inches ever closer to the grave, health insurers’ stock prices have shot up?

Health care reform is on life-support and we’re here to pull the plug. And we’re doing it with the same talking points we used in 1994 and so many times before.

Thanks to our loyal foot-soldiers Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, we’ve raised the level of discourse to a cacophonous din. While some suggest Glenn & Co. are fomenting their audiences’ anger with lies, threats and intimidation, we simply call it creative messaging for traditional ends. At times, these teabaggers vent their anger in our direction. We’d like to remind these well-meaning folk that their fight is not with us, it is FOR us. Thank you! The check is in the mail.