TBN Continuing to Turn into Disney

It's an easy observation to note that the Trinity Broadcasting Network is a fevered Walt Disney dream come alive, what between the cartoonish qualities of Paul and Jan Crouch, their antebellum-style studios across the 405 Freeway from South Coast Plaza, and last year's purchase of the Holy Land Experience in Orlando. But who would've ever thunk it that that the Crouches would transform into rapacious Disney-esque land barons intent on buying and controlling every square inch near their prize property?

Yet that's exactly what's happening in Florida, according to the Orlando Business Journal. TBN has recently purchased a seven-acre office complex next to the Holy Land Experience, with the intention of eventually expanding their biblical theme park once the Great Recession disappears. The HLE already offers daily crucifixions and a replica of Herod's Temple. What will come with the eventual expansion? We're hoping for a reenactment of the coverup of Crouch's sealed settlement over an alleged homosexual tryst, but will settle for a trip of Jan Crouch's hair styles through the years...

Gustavo Arellano is the editor of OC Weekly, author of the syndicated column "¡Ask a Mexican!", and Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America. He started at the paper with an angry, fake letter to the editor and went from there—only in Anacrime!