I have something of a story that intrigued me along the lines of your ‘dishonesty’ experiments. My wife’s cousin (I’ll call her Mary) is generally a nice, honest person. She and her fiancé found an iPhone on vacation. They decided to keep the phone, a nice item of value. Soon after, the owner started calling repeatedly (his name comes up on the screen). Mary chose to not answer the phone. After many calls were unanswered, the calls stopped. Mary kept the phone.

Mary’s situation is special because it is an instance where the lost object can ‘communicate’ with the finder and ‘ask’ to be returned. To what extent and to how long would the average person wait before answering? Would they directly refuse to return the item, or demand compensation?

What if you could rig a phone to deliver a series of text messages that become increasingly personal? Would the finder then feel more connected to the owner, feel empathy, and be more likely to return the phone?

As a side note, the owner of the iPhone was able to remotely shut down the phone so nobody could benefit. The unfortunate outcome is a lost phone. The upside is the empowerment given to the owner, who as a last resort just stops the functionality.

What do you think?

Jack

———————————————————————–

Dear Jack,

I think that there are two very interesting points here:

The first is that Mary probably realized that if she answered the phone she would feel obligated to return the iPhone to its owner. And since she did not want to give it up, she simply did not answer the phone. This act is in essence a very sad type of self-control. Generally we try to exert self-control when we want to assure that we will behave well (save money, take medications, not procrastinate), but here Mary was trying to avoid the temptation that would have made her behave in a kind way.

The second interesting idea is that people are more likely to return items that are more personal. Text messages are one extreme example of this principle, but maybe it would also work for wallets with pictures, books with names, cloths with initials, etc.

Not sure if this helps, but maybe we could learn something from Mary’s behavior. And for sure don’t leave any valuables unattended during thanksgiving.

Irrationally yours

Dan

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Another point I would like to add is probably Mary thought it was too much trouble to return it. Maybe she probably needed to send it by mail; or if the guy came to her place to pick it up, she did not want a stranger to interupt her vacation. Plus since iphone is a good “gift”, why not just keep it?

i have recently read somewhere, in a psychology article that people tend to have different approches with regard to similar situations, depending on whether they are involved or not.
when it comes to evaluating people’s behaviour in particular situations, we tend to judge them by generalisation, meaning that we are tempted to infer one’s character or personality. in this case: oh, lokk at what Mary did! She is not the nice and honest person I thought she was.
on the countrary, when it comes to evaluating our own behaviour in just the same situation, our judgment about ourselves is situational, meaning that we explain our conduct through external factors that influenced/determined our behaviour and not through personality traits or character. in this case, Mary would never say: oh, in the end, I am not the nice and honest person I thought I was. rather, her explanations about her behaviour in that particular context would include external variables like, say, the impossibility of buying herself an iPhone etc.

so, my point is: when making judgements and evaluations don’t forget on what side of the situation you stand.

I agree with Maria-Magdalena. This looks like a case of situational ethics to me. In “Mary’s” mind she’s just keeping a valuable object that some idiot was fool enough to leave lying around. In the mind of the stranger-onlooker, she’s stealing. This is why complex, civilized societies require (at least theoretically objective) institutions such as police forces and courts– because individuals find it infinitely possible to rationalize their *own* dishonest behaviour– and excuse the dishonest behaviour of people they know and like– while condemning the same behaviour in strangers or ‘others.’

The question that arises in my mind is this: What did *Jack* do–other than writing to Dan– when he became aware of the situation? Did he confront “Mary” about her dishonesty? Or did he just stand passively by in the interests of keeping the peace in the family?

Behavior at work that is known and implicitly accepted by the owners, and you couldn’t be embarrassed to do in front of the owner is moral. In other words, it’s halachically permissible to take a pencil at work. Taking 10 is theft.

That, however, is completely irrelevant to the situation of a $400 phone! This is outright theft, with no justification, whatsoever.

Regardless of what a psychology article says about how people rationalize their own bad behavior, the point is, it’s bad behavior. In English we have a word for using logic to justify bad behavior — rationalization.

I’d also add the talmudic advice that when it comes to monetary issues, especially, don’t be your own judge. Get advice from someone wiser than you.

David, you’re just saying what I said in different words (and using “rationalize” and “rationalization” in the same paragraph creates a circular argument). People make excuses for their own ‘bad’ behaviour and the behaviour of friends/relatives– but find it easy to pass negative judgment on strangers– especially when they can do so anonymously. The Talmudic advice is great– but I don’t know many people anymore who really believe others may be wiser than they are themselves. Call me cynical, but I suspect that many people who tell others about their own ‘bad’ behaviour (as “Mary” clearly did) are expecting those others either to back them up or to keep their negative judgments to themselves. That’s why I’m interested to know whether Jack actually confronted “Mary.” My gut tells me he didn’t, and he’s having trouble squaring his earlier assessment of “Mary” as an honest person with her actual behaviour– hence, his letter to Dan.

-while a student on a scholarship abroad, I have found a phone (it was very high tech at the time). My initial thought was to return it, but then again, I was a poor student on a scholarship. So the first thing I did was to call (on that phone) my sister and my boyfriend, to ask them what should I do. Both of them said: ‘are you crazy? Of course you should keep it!’ (to that time, in my family, about 4 phone had been stolen/lost, so my sister/BF though of this as somekind of ‘justice being made’). So I did, but with the feeling of guilt somehow sublimated by the fact that ‘the others’ told me so…Moreover, by its content, the phone indicated that used to belong to a teenager. My other self-defense was that ‘well, this is a spoiled kid, it should teach both her and his parents a lesson, not to buy such an expensive phone to a kid’. Anyway, I used the phone for years, then (when it was really outdated) I gifted it to a poorer person. Only then I felt truly free from the guilt of actually taking away a valuable object that I could have easily returned to the owner. Since then, I must say, I found and returned about 3 mobiles – I guess I will never want to hold on that type of guilt again. As for my recent altruism, I must say that the circumstances changed a lot since my first phone found: now I can afford to buy about any phone I want (and precisely because of this, I am hardly ever interested in phones: the one I have is an old, basic model,which has enormous sentimental value – I got it as an Xmas gift from my boyfriend. Besides this, I have a very fancy company phone, which means almost nothing to me)

-second story, about personal items: many years ago, I have found a wallet on the street (it had also some IDs in it, driving licence, etc). Of course I felt it was the right thing to return it to the owner (I didn’t even check how much money was in it- at least I don’t remember having done so). I found the owner using the telephone book, called her, made an appointment. What I would like to say (speaking of irrational things) is that I felt extremely disappointed by the fact that the owner did not give me any kind of reward. By reward here I mean as much as a chocolate (customary in my country as a reward). So, although I thought returning the wallet was absolutely the right thing to do, nonetheless I was expecting a symbolic reward for it (i.e. a reward for me being honest, taking the trouble, etc). This expectation of reward for doing the right thing worries me. On the other hand, I am also worried by the fact that a person to whom you saved a lot of trouble and costs (replacing the ID cards, driving license, etc) finds it natural and would not think of a way of expressing gratitude for a gesture that was, after all, a choice of yours (I could have simply thrown away the wallet, or just take the money, etc). Whare is the realistic threshold in expectations/rewards here?

(Again, I must stress that I come from an Eastern European country, where bribery and rewards are every day tokens: you give chocolates and flowers and money to the public servants and doctors on a regular basis, just for them to do their normal job.)

I lost a wallet once. I went back to where I thought I lost it, but could not find it. When I got home, there was a message from a teenage girl who had found it, and she lived in a very rich part of town, but in the one subsidized apartment complex there. I was so grateful, I opened the wallet to give her something. But all the cash was gone. So she got nothing, unless she helped herself to my cash. I was relieved my credit card, ATM card and ID were still there, and hadn’t been used. But I couldn’t and can’t help feeling suspicious of that girl, and not especially grateful.

Frankly, I’m shocked at the lack of condemnation of “nice, honest” Mary’s choice to keep the phone despite repeated attempts by the owner to recover it. Mind you, my dismay could be colored by the fact that my iPhone was lost, found by someone, and deliberately kept by that individual too (who apparently just removed the SIM card).

I spent a miserable day changing all my passwords on email and so on. Losing a smartphone, which in principle should be easily retrievable if the finder isn’t a total cad, is a traumatic experience because it has so much personal info on it.

I’m curious: would Mary’s conscience have kicked in if the phone were even more valuable? If it were less valuable (or cool), would she have been more likely to return it?

I’m having a hard time seeing Mary as being a particularly nice person, either. She more or less just stole someone’s valuable property, and forced the owner to actually cut it off completely so that she wouldn’t be able to use it at his expense.

This sounds like a good argument for putting some type of tracking chip into future smartphones. If that had been the case, Mary wouldn’t have had a choice – after enough calls, the owner could have simply traced its location and alerted the police of the theft.

I wonder how many here condmening Mary have actually read Predictably Irrational?

Remember the difference between cash and items? Would you take money out of petty cash at work? Probably not. Would you take a pencil from work? It’s more likely.

Similar situation with a found iphone. Mary may have kept it in this instance, a passive action, serval steps removed from cash and personal contact with theowner, making it easier to cheat or to succomb to temptation.

Would she have activley reached into someone’s bag while they weren’t looking and lifted it? I doubt it.

She may have appalling taste in smartphones but I’m sure she probably is a generally nice and honest.

As a consequence of the design of our street, my neighbor has repeatedly had his mailbox struck by cars. He told me that over the years, his mailbox post has been struck three times. He repeatedly referred to the offender as if he or she were a single person with nefarious intention. He seemed to think someone was after his mailbox in some way. So, rather than replace the mailbox for the fourth time, he built a concrete and cinderblock post with the mailbox embedded in it.

I pointed out, that it was just as likely to be struck (it is no more visible than a post, in fact it blends into the background rather well), only now there is a chance that someone might be killed. And while the damage to the offending car might be great, the person will still in all likelihood be able to drive away. And now, instead of a $20 post, he will have to replace a concrete and cinderblock structure that he had to pay someone several hundred dollars to build.

“Serves ’em right,” he replied. As if the next offender will be this mysterious person who is pursuing a vendetta against his mailbox.

I think that the real issue here is not Mary’s action to decide to keep the phone.

It’s just the opposite. It’s much easier to do nothing (not to answer the phone) than to act on something (answer the phone and return it).

I think that people don’t feel like that their omission equals to doing something wrong.

Hence, Mary continues do see herself as an honest person because she didn’t steel the phone; she didn’t actually DO anything wrong. She just omitted herself from doing the right thing. And people rarely feel guilty about that.

It apparently does. This reminded me of an article – not sure I read this newspaper’s coverage at the time, but there are several news stories about this piece from a Dr Richard Wiseman.

“The baby photograph wallets had the highest return rate, with 88 per cent of the 40 being sent back. Next came the puppy, the family and the elderly couple, with 53 per cent, 48 and 28 respectively. At 20 per cent and 15, the charity card and control wallets had the lowest return rates.”

Thought: All people have from us is our word and the only the only thing we have of ourselves is character and integrity. I teach my children that Natural Law dictates “one gets what one gives, ten fold”. I pray that I learn my life lesson’s quickly vs. living out the consequences of my actions through my children (I’m certain I missed a few) Who we are when ‘no one’ is looking is who we REALLY are when we look in the mirror.

Therefore: Mary has to live with herself, and hopefully she wont have to learn a harsh lesson through someone she loves. The phone owner will take the loss, but will likely have better character than Mary whenever faced with a relative situation. Either way it all works itself out without us having to do much because what goes around comes around ten fold. If you don’t believe it, challenge it…Mary did.

BTW, I left my brand new super fandandgo smart phone in a private (non regulated) cab in NYC. Though disappointed I help a quiet hope but let go after a good half day of “OMG!” The driver went out of his way for two days to find me and return it. I rewarded him because he spent money and time looking for but he was reluctant to take it. The irony, when I realized he was an unregulated cab driver I was praying he wasn’t a bad guy who could rob me blind.

Wondering if the probability of phones being returned will rise as more and more phones are able to report their location to the owner if lost (find my iPhone, findURphone) and the public becomes aware that the phones can be easily tracked.

Additional data points. I mailed back an Iphone I found on a bus to the owner at my expense (shortly after meeting Dan at SXSW this year.) I also saw another iPhone returned by a thief after several pleading / “phone is being tracked” text messages.

Yes, protect your belongings, for there will be poeple looking to take advantage of you, plus there are those who will take advantage of you out of opportunity, the robin hoods, and then there are those few people who have the ability to pull out the empathy and compassion, and do a little service or returning…Too bad they are few and far between!

I think personalizing your items goes a long way towards seeing them brought back if stolen. I have a friend who put a picture of his puppy along with his contact information as the background picture for his phone. This makes the act of returning the phone easier (overcoming basic laziness) and also makes the whole thing more personal (overcoming basic greediness I guess).

As for your Mary, she’s not only dishonest but she’s also pretty stupid. Smart phones can be easily disabled when lost so all she did was rack up some unnecessary guilt and make someone else’s day miserable.

I am a little shocked at how nice you guys are to Mary. She is nothing but a common thief.

If the owner had not called Mary for 30 days she could have kept the phone without any misgivings. However since the owner called and attempted to get his property back Mary had an obligation and a legal one at that to return it.

She is nothing but a common thief and is very lucky that she is not going to jail for stealing.

I think there is one additional factor to add to the equation. If a person loses an item such as a garment, unless it is returned by some means, the benefit is lost. It must be replaced to have utility, save any sentimental value (which is irreplaceable). If a cell phone is lost, there are actually two items to be addressed. One is the physical hardware as described in the narrative. If not returned, then it will need to be replaced. The only real utility of the hardware, however, is the service associated with it. As the narrative indicated, the service was terminated, presumably to be transferred to another handset. Almost everyone knows that the owner of the lost unit can potentially move the service to another set. This does not justify any errant behavior. It does set up a different scenario from the garment example. In effect, the person who lost the phone and the finder end up “sharing” it. The finder can get service on the hardware and the owner can transfer their service onto another set. I suspect this can seriously influence the decision to return or not. The ultimate test would be whether or not the serial number of the specific unit would be traced and thereby unusable. It would be analogous to a stolen vehicle’s VIN and trying to register the vehicle for license plates.

Just some fodder for consideration in the decision making process . . .

For what it’s worth, the latest generation of iPhones now include a free “Find my iPhone” service from Apple (as of last week). I wonder how Mary’s reaction would have changed if she knew that there was a good chance the phone’s current location could be tracked.

I disagree with the notion that since the phone’s service was remotely terminated, it could easily be replaced. Most people purchase their phones on a 2 year plan and thus receive it at a subsidized price ($199 US). If the phone gets lost, they are still responsible for paying the remainder of their monthly phone plan, and would more than likely have to purchase a new phone at full price ($650 US). That would be a huge (unexpected) financial hit for most people.

We all have an obligation to return goods to the person who lost them. it isn’t a ‘nice’ thing to do Dan; it is the RIGHT thing to do, so she was avoiding doing the right thing… not what would have “made her behave in a kind way.”

Being ‘nice’ would be to pay for shipping. Being ‘nice’ would be to immediately try to locate the owner as the cab driver 8n the story did.

Mary is not a nice person and what she did was tantamount to stealing and once the owner tried to claim his possession, that she balked shows she had no qualms about doing the wrong thing.

BTW Adam is correct. Any phone bought on a plan does not negate your obligations to pay the contract in full regardless and having to replace the phone which may have been part and parcel of the contract. In my case it is one and a half times as 50% of the phone was paid up front.

We really need more ethics classes in school and parents need to be good examples as well. The ‘everybody is doing it’ or the excuse here that someone used that they had phones stolen so it was payback to keep one they found is ridiculous. So at what point will your ethics and morals click in then? When it is someone poorer then you? When the phone is cheap and you don’t want a cheap phone? Is it only stealing when others do it? (In one story called it stealing when others did it but in their case it was a ‘found’ item. Interesting logic)

So I am not sure what you wish to derive from asking the question Dan, but ethics should be ingrained and fairly clear cut when you reach adulthood. That way you don’t have to question yourself (or in one case others) what is the right thing to do, you just know and do it.

What would the differences be if a phone was covered with rhinestones and filled with Iphone games vs. a phone that had apps for monitoring serious health issues and pictures of the family visit at the “clinic” or hospital supporting the assumed owner during obvious trials

both were be personalized or personal items but in different ways, who would get their phone back?

Agreed, I’m hoping Mary is no-one I know personally. I’d add there are two different stories in play.
First, the owner may not know the phone has been found–he’s calling in hope that he can hear the phone ringing, that it will turn out to be somewhere he can’t see it but only partly “lost.”

Mary is telling herself the story that he wants to talk to her, and the more she doesn’t answer, the less likely she is to think of a story that will explain why she didn’t answer.

Just as an aside, I ride my bike a lot and as a consequence of where I ride (and the fact that I am looking around more than exercising) I have found four cellphones over the last few years. I have returned them all. Never once was I offered a reward, and twice the recipient flat-out accused me of stealing the phone. Usually, they grab the phone, mumble thanks and walk away quickly engrossed in their missed texts and messages.

The accusers asked a long string of sarcastic questions, “Where did you find my phone? … Oh, so it was just sitting there? Yeah, right. Yeah, I just left my phone sitting on a park bench, yeah, right! Well… Thanks, or whatever…”

I once found a beautiful wool scarf in a parking lot in Denver, almost frozen to the ground. I took it home, cleaned and used it for years, always feeling guilty. Perhaps I should have turned it into the Lost & Found of the grocery store, was my worry.

Brad and others who discussed the personalizing are right on. A little tug at the conscience rewrites what is going on in the person head. Rather then rationalizing how much they need this new found treasure, the conscience is saying that you need the pictures and the Doctors information more.

But if ethics are not instilled in people, no amount of personalizing can trigger what isn’t there in the first place.

My Mom is the angel on my shoulder and her voice speaks to me if I am ever even mildly tempted. Fortunately I have no devil on the other side.

@Hipstre I know it is hard to do the right thing when people can be so rude. If they are snarky, you could tell them next time you will leave it there… and then walk away and see if they get it back. I certainly would . i usually make rude people squirm by making them describe the item in detail.

If they are really rude, tell them you are taking it to the police station as there is no way it could be their phone or they would be grateful and happy! And then I truly would!! No guilt there because you are still doing the right thing=)

And congratulations for doing the right thing in spite of ingrates. That is most impressive and I applaud you!

Perhaps Mary found some comfort in knowing she had an “option” to do the right thing at a later time when she ignored the calls.

When the phone was shut off she no longer had the option to do the right thing – and what else could she do but keep it?

Would Mary have acted differently if she knew she had only one opportunity to do the right thing?

My suspicion is that many of us might delay doing the right thing if we thought we could do it later – but if presented with only one opportunity might act in a more honorable manner. Think of someone dropping a wallet or iphone as they board a train or bus.

*Sigh* david, And that would be? After her conscience nagged at her more? Possible but unlikely. The longer you talk yourself out of it the more likely you will not do the right thing. And that is a fact, not a suspicion. And they will be more likely to do it in the future and become better at the talk and may not even need it to take what isn’t theirs and soon may do more overt theft as well. The conscience can be overridden entirely if you don’t have a good moral /ethical base values.

As I said, many will ‘rationalize’ the theft as she did.

-I will do the right thing later.
-I lost mine so this is payback
-I won’t be able to find the owner so it’s mine now. -They must not have wanted it badly enough or they wouldn’t have dropped/lost it
-I need it more then they.
-It is better then one I can afford so I deserve it.
-I would have given it back but my friends said I would be stupid to do it.

You do realize david, that there are thousands more ways to rationalize and justify that whatever you are doing is the right thing to do … which is why we need to teach ethics to our children, but ensure we have a good grasp ourselves first.

(Ok I know I am being self righteous so … I’ll stop, but it makes me sad to see people don’t understand that it was someone else’s property so didn’t belong to her … period)

I think it was established ‘on the whole’ that it was unethical, but each person has their own values. For instance you are saying she may have acted differently if she were given a chance, whereas I think she was already given several.

-Once she picked it up and didn’t return it and collaborated with her boyfriend to keep it
-Second when she was called the first time and each subsequent time the phone rang was another missed opportunity
-thirdly, she discussed this with family members and surely someone must have said something being the whole story is well known even to cousins.

Is the eperson who waits a day less ethical? If her intentions are to keep it, then yes of course! it is by degrees as you well know. Each day she didn’t return it was a day she was less ethical.

David HaLevi, below, sums this all up beautifully. Even if she doesn’t feel badly or a lesser person for not doing the right thing, others in her family will, either consciously or subconsciously. Just some of the repercussions for bad behaviour and bad decisions.

And for those of you who say they never judge others, the moment you gaze upon someone your mind does a self conscious judgment of looks and stature and personality. It sizes up the other person whether you wish it to or not. We are always judging.

Well, obviously there are many factors at play in such a case. I’m sure the commenters above covered them all. I wanted to share this website:http://www.ifoundyourcamera.net/
where people try to return found cameras, using the photos on them. Of course, we have no indication of the cameras that were found but never posted on the site, but there might be some indication here that things that bring up emotions such as photos, are more likely to be returned.

Also, I was once advised not to write my (now late) dog’s name on his collar, just a phone number, for the finder to call. The logic is that if the finder knows the dog’s name and is able to communicate with it, he might get attached to it and keep it.

Our dog ran away when we moved to a new home. We offered an award in the newspaper and the dog was returned by kids who didn’t want to return him but whose mother knew we wanted the dog back more than our $50. This was in the 70s.

I guess people haven’t changed. They weren’t going to try to find the owner but the owner “found” them through money.

Dear Dan,
since I discovered your book “predictably irrational” I have given and recommended to all my friends, my daughters’ husbands, many of my patients and my suppliers.
I carry with me forever.
This summer I met a famous Italian political leaders (Walter Veltroni) el
I gave him the copy I had with me Please read it carefully and also the introduction.
I also explained that in that book he could find the key to better understand the people and this could also be of help to draw up a good political agenda, not least to contact you for advice, as you know better than a political leader as are things in the world.
Definitely not going to call you and maybe not read your book, but arrive to you my thanks for the good work you do with your blog.
Thanks Luigi Gentile

Heres my point of view…. pick up the phone and tell the guy u gave it to the police station and he can find it there or keep the phone and feel guilty for the rest of the vacation and end up having a crap time constantly thinking about not doing the right thing…. I prefer having a good feeling I did something right and enjoying laying on the beach having a good time drinking

Totally agree! Given that every happiness study will show that GETTING AN IPHONE WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPIER (you’ll get used to it within a month and your level of expectations will rise), but thinking less about yourself WILL MAKE YOU LESS HAPPY. So if you’re not going to do the right thing because of a moral code or fear of punishment, at least do it for selfish reasons — to be happier!

i found an iphone last night, at a canadian tire store in thunder bay ontario. firstly, i thought it was a piece of ‘junk’ someone had left in the shopping cart. once i seen the iphone logo i thought of this blog. we left the phone at the customer service desk with our name. the girls there were more up to date and recognized it as ‘wow thats worth 500 dollars’. i trust they are honest.

Great post. It reminded me when I first moved to NYC. I had just left a job interview and wow, found someone’s blackberry on the ground. I called the last number on it, which was some law firm in LA. Needless to say a courier was eventually sent to me to retrieve the phone. I was a little surprised no reward was even gestured, but that’s ok, hope I made someones day.

I was once in a car-jacking and had to handover my phone at gunpoint; but the thieves asked me to take out my sim-card before handing over the phone. I profoundly appreciated the gesture. They obviously felt the need to steal, but their awareness to the inconvinience of losing one’s contacts was very winning even under the circumstances

Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it
or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit,
but instead of that, this is wonderful blog. An excellent read.

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