Pamela Anderson's Diary: Uncut and into the Future

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock (pictured) are getting divorced, and I’ve wept my share of tears for the demise of their four-month/three-wedding union. (Divorce: 562,374, Hollywood: 0.5.) Also went over the pages of Pam’s diary (the best bedtime reading), and stumbled through a secret doorway into an alternate universe of the future, Pamela Anderson-style.

12/17/2006New Beginnings

Denise Richards and I are both getting married. It’s going to be a double wedding. Denise to Richie and me to Borat, the real one, he’s my hunny bunny Mahir. Turkish men are the best. No yachts this time, just poker, like I promised. My chihuahua Luca was going to be the doggie of honor, but I changed my mind when I realized it might cause him to hold his pee and then what kind of PETA spokesperson would I look like? He will be coming with on the honeymoon. Party in Istanbul! P.S. The marriage has not yet been consummated, though I am pregnant.

2/1/2007Cravings

Being pregnant is great. I recommend it to everyone, even the paparazzi. I’m craving champagne and whipped cream so bad right now. With pickles. And anchovies. And hamburgers. And veal……mmm…veal. Did I mention fois gras? God, I love that stuff.

2/14/2007Valentine

Happy V-Day! If you aren’t in love, get there!!!! It is the best feeling in the world. Mahir and I are beyond blissed right now. It looks like hubby le trois/quatre? is going to be the one to take with me to the grave. Oh, by the way, we’ve decided to name the baby Borat.