Ask Sam letter

To Sam12 July 2016

do i tell my mum how i feel?

hi,my parents split up just over 4 years ago and scince then i have become more and more upset with things. my mum has had 2 boyfriends that both seem to hate me. this is effecting my behaviour at school. i am also autistic so find it hard to tell people how i feel and i self harm. im scared that if i tell my mum how i feel then she might get upset but im getting into so much trouble because of it.do you think i should tell her?

Sam12 July 2016

Hi there,

Thanks for your letter.

It sounds like you have been finding things hard since your parents split up 4 years ago and youve done well to write to me about it. Lots of young people find it difficult after their parents split up. Life can feel really different and its normal for it to feel upsetting sometimes.

You have told me that your mum has had two boyfriends and you feel that they both seem to hate you. Im not sure what makes you feel like they hate you but its concerning to hear you say your behaviour in school is being affected.

I can hear that your autism can make it feel difficult to explain how you feel and I want you to know you have explained everything to me really well in your letter.

You have said that you self-harm. You can find out more about self-harm and get some ideas on how to cope here.

It sounds like you worry about telling your mum how you feel in case she gets upset. At the same time you are getting into trouble and maybe she needs to know about that. That makes me feel like you need some help with making your feelings change and hopefully that will mean your behaviour will improve too. I can hear that you think talking to your mum could be a good place to start and you could also try talking to someone you trust in school.

If you are concerned about explaining how you feel, maybe you could write a letter to them like you have to me and ask them to read it. That could be a good way of having time to think carefully about what you want to say and might make it feel a bit less scary. You can some more tips about talking to an adult here.

I want you to know that the ChildLine counsellors are there for you if you need someone to talk to. They could help you work out what to write in a letter. They could also support you with your self-harm and help you to find ways to cope with your feelings. You can phone a counsellor for free on 0800 1111, send an email or log in for a 1-2-1 chat.

Take care,Sam

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