Author: alittlecornerofme

I am a student of history and heritage, having done a BA in Ancient and Medieval History and further MA in Cultural Heritage Studies. I am passionate about different cultures, new experiences. I could devour a book day if allowed, I have a love of writing. I am sometimes full of confidence and self-doubt in equal measure. Through mistakes, great decisions and bad decisions I have promised to always try to take the decision to be the better version of me I can be.

Firstly, let me point out that I am not against a hierarchy, I do believe it is good to know where you stand, your role in a team and how it all fits together especially if blended with a good helping of democracy and team cohesiveness.

I don’t however like hierarchy at work that instils a lack of free thought, free thinking and belittles other team members and their input. Or undermines an act of politeness or kindness.

Certainly you shouldn’t harass your seniors for no reason, and you should go through the proper channels but to get told that politeness is a crime and that sending a simple personal thank you is a problem or ‘unprofessional’ because they are a senior team member just baffles me, when did it become so hierarchical that one human being nice to another human was some inner working political nightmare?

For me a hierarchy is more knowing your role in a jigsaw, a circle if you will. Not a top down pyramid where information is a precious commodity that only the select few know, that you sit have a chat/discussion but ultimately your input doesn’t matter, where they want you to ‘take the initiative/be pro-active’ but ultimately the decision is never yours, where they want you to own that project/event/piece of work but they hold all the information – your basically an administrator for their idea and it’s not your project……again.

I just don’t see the point of hierarchy like that as it belittles, demotivates and just generally inspires ill-will and you don’t want to engage anymore as you really wonder what is the point of doing so?

Perhaps I am just moaning about what happens everywhere in the workplace but is it idealistic of me to think that there are better working environments, better jobs and just better satisfaction out there? I don’t want to just rush off and leave and find myself feeling the same though, I really want to think about my next move and where I am going.

I really can’t think of anything else that sums up today. Senseless. What a senseless waste of life, what a senseless tragedy to happen.

Already you are seeing the blame game, the anger, the hate simmering out of people as the reality sinks in and more information comes to light.

But I don’t want to focus on who did it, and why, there is no justifiable reason why someone would blow up a bomb at a concert full of young innocent people. This person don’t represent a faith, a community, a city, they represent nothing. Because that is what they are; nothing.

We should focus on the people who lost their lives and the fantastic people, no matter who they are, that came together to help last night purely because as a human race there is more good than evil. Focus on anyone, anything, but that single individual who deserves none of our attention.

I don’t want this atrocity to be used as an excuse to propel forward an agenda, to be politicised, to be pulled apart and analysed, to further cause rifts by twisting and distorting facts. I don’t believe lost innocence should be used to propel hate.

It was one person. One individual who caused this tragedy and we really shouldn’t give them the satisfaction of dividing us all, by doing so we reward them and act as they want us too. Instead I would rather focus on those who have united, stood up against that divisiveness and chosen not to hate, not to succumb.

By remaining united we remain victorious against their ideals and against fear-mongering.

I am sorry for the absences and the lack of updating I just missed quite a few sessions this month due to work and life so just haven’t had anything to post about, and I haven’t been in the right frame of mind really.

I had a busy Easter and I had a break from work which was very nice but just feeling exhausted, tired and not myself overall. I don’t know what is the cause exactly. I am not sure if it is just work in general, the chronic illness or something else.

Not sure what it is that is causing it but I am kind of getting over it – or pushing through with adrenaline – so will start plugging away and get back on this blogging wagon.

While yes I did veer from the plan at times I was a lot more conscious this week of not falling off the bandwagon completely – and as I can’t have sweet things, this helped with my willpower. Sort of….

But, anyway, coming in with a loss felt really really nice. Perhaps it is the promise of Spring, perhaps I just had my head on straight, who knows but I had a loss so I am happy.

So I started off the month well and I go in on the second week feeling pretty alright – not perfect admittedly, but alright and have put on 2.5lbs!!!! So that made me pretty annoyed if I am honest, however it did spur me to get on it and organise my week.

I wrote out a plan at group last week and this made me feel more in control, while I am not saying that I have 100% kept to this week’s plan, my derivations haven’t been far off and the other eating options haven’t been all synful, so I am feeling better overall. But at this rate who really knows?

Rather than think up a brand new monthly motivation I’ve decided to carry on last months motivation again, as I really should have done it and I don’t have any excuses not to lose in to the next stone bracket this month!

I am feeling pretty positive at the moment as I really feel like in my work life I have started to take back some control, have some agency in my own future rather than just waiting.

As I previously mentioned I haven’t been particularly happy at work. I just feel that I have been doing rather than enjoying my job.Which sucks for me as I need to feel passionate about what I am doing and engaged.

I do realise that I have to take accountability for my situation, I made the decision to apply and go for my current job last year and was accepted, but if I am honest I applied for it as a sensible option rather than as a dream job, I really want to take this career move kind of deal. So that was never great foundations.

Still, I came back and I have been trying, I’ve never been someone who wants to produce bad work and I have been giving 100% as much as possible, but for me at the moment it’s a really hard 100% and I feel less than engaged. At first I thought it was maybe because I was coming back after illness and I was taking time to re-adjust etc. But really the feeling hasn’t gone away and the longer I have been in the position the more I know it is not right for me, and it was the wrong move.

But I decided to stop being negative and start creating the changes I want and making positive steps to create this change.

Steps:1. Keeping in the Loop
Currently we are undergoing a team restructure/re-vamp where I work with our new Director.We don’t all know what is happening or the full details, this is being discussed with the Heads of teams and we are gleaning tidbits. However, I specifically spoke to my old manager who I have a very good relationship with to see what was going on and get a general lay of the land.Which proved very helpful and opened up potential avenues to work within a new style team (under my old manager) that I feel sound more interesting.

2. Looking back at Career
I really took some time out to re-consider all my past jobs, their experiences and the areas that I have enjoyed within these roles so that even if I feel the new team and it’s potential roles and work sound interesting I am not just doing it as a desperate measure to leave my current place.

3. Talking to People
This was a key one for me, particularly talking to my old manager about how I have been feeling and expressing an interest in where I want to see my career develop in the future and just getting advice on how to approach it. It also means that they have been a really good advocate for me, and in restructure talks have it in mind that I want a change.

4.Being Active in Promoting Myself
Although I had the support of other people I wanted to be pro-active and talk to my Director directly about how I was feeling, where I saw myself etc. I was lucky in that following an earlier one to one, and the talks he had been having, that he wasn’t too surprised about what I had to say and was exceptionally receptive and agreed that I need that change. So this felt very positive. Even though he was receptive it felt much nicer for me to know that I had been pro-active and hadn’t just relied on other people, as it is my career that I need to control. I have a follow up next week, post when the proposed changes go to the board and prior to them being discussed with the whole team, so I am intrigued as to what will be discussed.

These aren’t necessarily revolutionary steps. Just the things that I did but they have massively helped my outlook as I feel less passive. So while they are only little steps, sometimes that is just what you need.