Wednesday, January 21, 2009

If you read my post, you will see that explained in the first paragraph.

Because I did not participate in those discussions, or frankly even read most of them, and I have no intention of reading them.

Because I am an adult, and I do not take responsibility for the actions of people other than myself.

Because I am only the arbiter of my own behavior.

Because in this blog, I make an attempt to allow even people I disagree with to comment, and I have done so since I started keeping it. It is my space, and I run it as I see fit, not to please anyone else or suit anyone else's agenda.

Because if I were to play ethical arbiter, I would have to say that I think there was plenty of bad behavior, name-calling, and baiting to go around.

Because I have no intention of justifying myself to you, or anyone else.

Because as I already said, I am not going to take sides.

Because I don't honestly care what *anyone* involved in the discussion thinks of me, except for the select few persons I consider friends.

Although it's a charge that's been leveled at me repeatedly, I'm not here tocollect some sort of cookie or establish myself as a well-behaved antiracist ally. I grew up inside a very similar ideological machine, and I find them generally destructive.

I'm not here to defend myself. I'm not here to accuse anyone or cast blame. It doesn't interest me, because I think it's far more important to educate people and encourage them to do something about changing the world than engaging in circular firing squads on the internet.

And that is my final word on this topic. It's not about me. And no matter how much you try to make it about me, it never will be.

Current music: The Negro Problem - Lime Green SweaterEntry tags: racism 101, this is for posterity, this is for science

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Emphasis mine. Sore disappointment, also mine.

I will just say for the record that in her belated follow up post, I find 100+ comments, all mostly cookies from white people to a white author. Will Shetterly and Elizabeth Bear - self admitted to not be anti-racists allies. Except, he's far more honest about it and doesn't contradict himself in regards to it with every other sentence.

I now know in the future Bear will continue to write more How To's and write more novels involving Characters of Colour, while not confronting her own privilege or the hurt she may be causing. She's far more gracious than the people who mocked my intelligence and fumbled their way to lie about my character, but again, being polite is not the same as being anti-racist.

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And to that particular author and acquaintance, friend I know who's been fretful about her work not being appropriative - I find that I haven't given you as much respect as you deserve. To me it's been only obvious you should conduct yourself in a certain way. I had not appreciated the internal programming and self righteous stubbornness you must have struggled with to get to the point you are in right now. It meant I didn't give you cookies, of course. But I think I can use the cattle prod a whole lot less than I have been.

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I'm unsure if attempting to edit something and changing my mind changes my post date. So for the record, I was going to comment on the deletion of journals and some comments but decided there was no point. Some people simply will not own their words or leave history as it stands for other people to perhaps benefit.