When my daughter attends parties, play dates or relatives homes, she brings her safe food. I send her a treat so that if one is offered one she won’t feel left out. But…

A relative, while out with the kids for a different reason, stopped for ice cream and bought some for everyone but her, explaining that she couldn’t have it because she is allergic. At the store that they stopped at there is a brand of ice cream that she can have, but it is expensive. There is also plain bottled water, chocolate etc. She felt very left out. She’s never been up-set like this before.

I am very angry about the incident and feel that it could have been handled differently. How can I deal with this relative? How have you dealt with similar situations?

A similar thing happened to me once where my best friend had a "game night" but ended up putting out a huge spread of food for people to eat before the game. She, too, knew about my allergies but there was not one thing on the table that I could eat. I went home very hurt and upset. When I posted my story here, I got great advice. Unfortunately, sometimes one event can be perceived in very different ways by different people. I think that the relative thought she was doing her job at keeping your daughter safe because she knew she could not have that ice cream and the last thing she wanted to do was mess up and give it to her. But, what you could do is talk to the relative and tell her what it's like to be on the receiving end of that and how it made your daughter feel. Tell them that you appreciated their vigilance and offer suggestions for future outings to that place or other places and what alternatives can be offered to your daughter.

I know it's tough getting a handle on this kind of thing but the more you can educate others, the easier it will be.

_________________Associate Editor at Allergic Living.
Allergies to all nuts and legumes except soy and green beans.

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