12.15.2012

I posted this at Moms Clean Air Force, and wanted to share it with our community at Slow Love Life. For those who want to sign a petition to President Obama, asking him to take take serious action on gun control, here is the link.

Shock, grief and anger are appropriate responses to this tragedy, anger that we are so awash in readily available weaponry. There are times when anger joins grief, and the combustion can be--and should be--productive.

Condolences, grief, prayers are pouring in from around the world for the people who were killed in the Newtown school massacre. Twenty small children. Put on the bus, or walked to school that morning, by parents, by sisters and brothers, with friends. This is a trauma that will never heal. Across the country, many states away, where there was no danger at all, mothers and fathers, stricken with anxiety, raced to schools to pick up their children early. But of course, there was no danger at all in Newtown, Connecticut, on Friday morning either.
Until there was a bloodbath.

Why are our corporate executives better protected in their office buildings--from shareholder wrath or deranged psychopaths--than our children are in their school buildings?

What kind of bloodlusting--or paranoid--nation do we live in, that we are awash in semi-automatic weaponry, at home, because we feel we need it?

Why is the law-abiding, peace-loving majority cowed, over and over again, by the rants (and dollars) of the extremists among us, who think only of protecting their arsenals when the rest of us want strong gun laws that keep weaponry out of most homes?

Why isn't the safety of our children--whether breathing polluted air, taking toxic chemicals into their bodies from food and toys, being exposed to numbing hours of television and video violence, inheriting a planetary climate system that is becoming enormously dangerous every single day--why isn't the safety of our children our first priority as a nation?

We will endure many months, now, of debate about guns, and debate about the mentally ill, and debate about the lethal combination of the two. The answer cannot be what gun activists are pouring forth on line: arm the kindergarten teachers. And then what? Train them in moving target practice? Screen and hire teachers who have the temperament to shoot a child--even in self-defense?

The answer is gun control that keeps semi and automatic weapons out of the hands of regular citizens. And out of the homes of our children, where those weapons are available to anyone to use and abuse. We have an army. We do not need the private arsenals we once did, when the Constitution was written, for a citizen militia.

Are we not the country we pride ourselves in being--a country of decency, respect, cherishment for each other, to say nothing of the more vulnerable among us?

Moms Clean Air Force is organized around fighting air pollution to protect our children. We are broken-hearted, and join the millions around the world in saying: We have failed our children. But we will keep working to make our world a better, safer place--for all of us.

Dominique, I was so hoping you would post. Thank you - I needed your voice on this dreadful tragedy. I am Canadian and for the most part, personal gun ownership is alien. I guess it is just too simple to simply ban guns for personal use ... but think how comforting it would be for everyone.

Beautiful and perfectly expressed. I was at a conference on trauma yesterday and one thing I learned is that action can mitigate the impact of overwhelming events. So please, let us all act it what ever ways we can. Julie Price

Dominique, I have loved your writing for so long, and I share your views on many things. This post makes me believe that you have no up close and personal experience with serious mental illness in a family member though. You are lucky. Unfortunately, I think you are having the wrong argument here. There are millions of peaceful citizens across our nation who are armed to the teeth, and will never pose a danger to our society.In my opinion, until our nation begins the correct discussion - that of effectively treating the mentally ill among us - these tragedies are going to continue, be they with guns, or bombs, or whatever other horror these poor sick souls choose as their method of destruction. We ask why no one in the family stopped them when sick people commit these crimes, and I can tell you from personal experience, they wanted desperately to stop them, but the law says that they can't. I can almost guarantee you that man's mother had guns because she was scared to death of her son and couldn't do a damn thing to protect herself except buy them. She, and thousands of others like her across the nation, never dreamed that her guns would end her life, and those of innocent children too. It's easy to judge when you are not the one lying awake at night, wondering if tonight is the night your sick loved one will come to hurt you, gripped by the reality of their delusions. I chose large dogs, she chose guns. I won't second guess her, because there's so little help out there for us, and it's entirely possible a well-meaning police officer or other authority figure may have suggested getting a gun.I would urge you and every other person with a loud voice out there to begin taking a serious look at these recent events, and at the way we don't bother to treat the mentally ill in our country, and center your efforts toward reforming there. I promise you'll save far more lives than by trying (and failing) to defeat the gun lobby.I'm sure many of your followers are going to tell me how wrong (stupid, misguided, etc.) I am. I wish I were, I really wish it were as simple as outlawing guns. I think I saw a reader from Canada weighing in. How'd that gun control work out for you in the mall inToronto again? And I wonder if the person beheaded on the bus was comforted by the thought that he wasn't shot? Again, mental illness was the issue, but we focus instead on the methodology and the crime.I'd like to add my voice to all of the others in expressing my deep and sincere sorrow for the families who lost their precious children. I can imagine no deeper pain than losing my beautiful son, and my heart aches for them. For all our sakes, please, let's redirect the conversation to something that will actually help.

I heartily agree. I also agree with Ms. Matusiak-Lindsay's comments on our country's treatment of the mentally ill. Surely you are both correct in your thinking and addressing one issue doesn't have to cancel the other. The proliferation, and celebration, of guns in American households is horrifying and the results all too clear.

Thank you for this much needed post...Words can not describe how one young man could do what he did...I, agree with Ms. Matusiak-Lindsey's comments on how our country handles mental illness needs to be address. I also strongly feel we must address the gun issue. I feel if we couldaddress both issues. Our country I pray will one day never lose another children or citizen.Everyone has the right to be safe. NO parent should drop their children off at school in the morning and then found out they are never going to come home again. My prayers and blessing are with all the people of Newton, CT.

until we as a nation address the ease with which firearms are acquired (there is a more thorough backround check to adopt an animal from the local shelter) and destigmatize mental illness the tragic combination of the two will continue to shock and scar us.

no civilian needs automatic weapons whose only job is to kill other humans(would it not be wonderful if there was no weapon for that job).

I'm sad to say that I have profound, intimate, and all to up close experience with mental illness. And the treatment of such illness will always be a vexing, difficult, painful issue. The idea that a mother is in danger from her child is beyond the ken of most of us to understand. And, of course, all the more reason not to have dangerous weapons in the house.

There is no question that you are correct: mental illness is an enormous issue, and some would say intractable. People snap, as this young man, with no prior history of violence (as so far reported) clearly did.

But that doesn't mean that the proliferation of weapons of easy and fast carnage belong in our homes--easily available to anyone who wants to use them.

I'm a big proponent of gun control but this wouldn't have been stopped by stricter gun control laws - at least not the level of gun control laws that this country is ever going to achieve. The purchaser of these guns was kindergarten teacher who collected guns and taught her kids how to shoot. Unfortunately, I don't think we are ever going to be able to stop 'crazy' - no matter how many conversations/debates/laws we have concerning gun control and mental illness.

As a gun owner I totally agree with the feelings of outrage and need for control expressed here. I have watched shooting morph in my lifetime from something we did out of doors with long guns and family to indoor ranges, mock self defense scenarios and hand-guns. 90% of the action at the gun shows is now self-defense related, semi-automatic pistols and rifles ('squirters' are illegal), all black SWAT-style clothing, etc. If you want to stop this, you mothers have to ban in the home the video games like HALO that glorify combat, warfare and body count. The ARMY is using these to de-humanize their combat soldiers. Long before a kid may handle a gun he is learning on screen what it looks like to target another person. Our passiveness about these games is leading to these unfortunate moments.

One of my young friends in Wilmington was the last victim shot in SF by the Zebra Killer in 1973. Nickie Shields. I learned to swim with Nickie. At their son's loss his parents went and started Handgun Control to lobby DC against Saturday night specials. Handgun Control gained traction with Sarah Brady's later participation and it had some success.

I cannot begin to comprehend the loss these families and community are feeling. I can only pray that some good will come from it. As Nickie's loss did.

I agree with everything you write here but I do take issues with your title. To me, guns are our issue. Discussions on any other issues, like mental illness, at this crucial moment could potentially be distractions.

A few hours before the horrific event happened in Connecticut, at the other side of the world a mentally ill man also walked in an elementary school with a knife. At the end of his mad rampage, 20 Chinese school children were injured. Mental illness played a role in both incidents, but the major difference is that the fatality in the Chinese incident is ZERO. No matter how one likes to spin this, guns ARE our issue.

There is mental illness everywhere in the world. But only in US do we have to deal with such unspeakable carnage. I am not downplaying the importance of issues of mental illness. As a matter of fact, that is an issue close to home --my son is autistic and my nephew whom I had raised like my own son was schizophrenic and died as a result of it. Realistically, dealing with mental illness is a complicated and lengthy process. But guncontrol, as a concrete set of policies, is not. If, as someone suggested on this board, that we should address the issue of mental illness before we can talk about gun control, I am afraid we will squander another golden opportunity.

It is all about priority and realism. In my opinion, at this crucial junction, all our concerted efforts should be on exposing the absurdity and destructiveness of the gun culture in this country and on finding a common sensible approach to gun ownership.

Like everyone here, I have been walking around crushed by this new, but as my husband says,"we shouldn't be surprised." I'm sorry if this sounds sour, but I am angry and, Dominique, I think this statement early in your piece says it all, "Why are our corporate executives better protected in their office buildings--from shareholder wrath or deranged psychopaths--than our children are in their school buildings? "

They aren't just protected from physical harm, many of our policymakers work for them, make things better for them. Childism is right -- Otherwise, why would we have to fight so hard to protect our children from the hazards of air pollution, and gun violence as well as fight to give every child an equal opportunity to obtain decent health care and a good education?

If children truly were a priority in American society, these things would be a given.

We have in front of us an excellent example of just how hard it is to identify mental illness: female ... former kindergarten teacher ... mother of a mentally ill child ... collector of assault weapons. The answer may very well be to take the emphasis off society's aberrations and back onto the value of a child ... and then to behave accordingly.

Thank you for this powerful piece, Dominique! I was hoping to see it in the Times this morning. We can't let up. I've been sending 0p-eds to President Obama, not that he'll read them but I want to inundate his website with anti-gun messages. We can't let this remain talk about our sadness. Let's all join together to stop this madness.

I think if the mother was looking for protection she would only have to have had one gun, a small gun the size of her palm to stop or thwart off harm to herself. As reported she had 3 assault weapons, I don't know about you Lorri, but to me that seems way beyond trying to protect herself, in fact its seems bazaar in itself. I think you are on the wrong track here. Your situation is truly sad and frightening, but a mother who has 3 assault weapons readily available to a clearly troubled and mentally challenged child makes no sense. The worst part of this is that it didn't just end in her demise or his, how utterly irresponsible of her and us as a nation to let this this happen. President Obama is right, its time to get some control on guns.

I have signed the petition, but lets be clear here, its not up to President Obama to change the gun laws, its up to the House of Representatives and the Senate and seeing they are both controlled by the folks who oppose gun control, we have a problem. Also, getting help for the mentally ill in this country falls under the same category, we have folks that don't want to spend money on "entitlements" but will will give tax breaks to huge corporations! What are the chances we can get funding to help mentally ill people and their families? I think slim to none, someone ought to tell these folks, that gone are the days that families can "take care of their own".

To all,I would like to simultaneously apologize for my assumptions and thank you all. I assumed that my opinion would be greeted with the type of vitriol one normally encounters on the web, how overjoyed I am to find I could not have been more wrong! I thank you for engaging in an intelligent and respectful debate. Dominique, my heart aches for you and for everyone whose life has been affected by mental illness. I don't think I have any answers, but I know we as a society won't find them until we start to ask the questions. We are each responsible for leaving this world just a little better than we found it, it seems that the folks here recognize that and are doing their part. What a marvelous community you've built here. :) Be well everyone.

NYTimes says, "The latest edition of Activision’s biggest game, the shoot’em-up megahit Call of Duty: Black Ops II, was released Nov. 13 and had sales of $500 million in its first 24 hours and more than $1 billion in the first 15 days. That fell short of some analysts’ expectations but was nevertheless more than the total domestic box-office revenue of “Avatar,” the highest-grossing movie of all time..." http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/business/bobby-kotick-of-activision-drawing-praise-and-wrath.html

This is the culture you need to stop in the your home. This is where killing is glorified. In your home or your grandkids' homes while you are busy doing other things. It has to start with you and within your family. You can 'win' here NOW while you gain strength to take on the NRA.

You are right. I should rephrase the sentence as "Only in US do we have to deal with such unspeakable carnage AGAIN AND AGAIN." But isn’t that just arhetorical nitpicking, an argument for argument’s sake? Isn’t the essence ofthe statement true? Tell me which other country in the world has to endure what we have been enduring – impotently watching such madness enacted over and over again? The scariest of all is that it is almost certain such event will happen in the near future if we don’t do anything right now.

Yes, Warren you are so right. I have to say this is a shock to me, I am not privy to these types of horrible killing video games, This is indeed very frightening, I hope parents and grandparents heed this warning.

Hypothetically, if gun control outlawed all firepower except for a pistol, this shooter might have killed some people but maybe not all 26 people. Small steps towards gun control are better than no steps.

I leave a response whenever I like a post on a site or I have something to valuable to contribute to the conversation.It's triggered by the sincerness communicated in the article I browsed. And after this article "GUNS ARE NOT OUR ISSUE. CHILDREN ARE.". I was excited enough to drop a commenta response ;) I actually do have 2 questions for you if it's okay.

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You are right: guns are the issue. The title was meant for Moms Clean Air Force. In other words, we had a discussion about whether or not to write to our membership about this massacre--but I didn't want it to appear that I was switching gears to a gun conversation, exactly. But of course, I was, because we think about children, and their health and safety and well-being, in everything we take on, everything we write about.....My title meant only to convey that we are failing to protect our children, not only from guns, but from so many enormous dangers. Thanks for calling this out.

I have so many arguments with friends, and with my family, about this video game issue. I cannot help but think that it has a huge impact on children's minds, reducing killing to cartoonish mayhem. Many people say video games make no difference....and there are studies....and yet, I simply cannot believe it. I banned them in my house, but of course, since the days when I could control what was allowed, those games have gotten far more violent....

Yes yes yes! It is up to us! Asking the president for action is only one thing for us to do...We have to become a more active citizenry again. The politicians act if they think people care, and if they don't think that, because no one tells them we do care...well, there is no incentive for tricky political action.Right now, I think the NRA should show leadership here, and take the first step in banning the kind of ammo and automatics that are all too easily available...

How awful, Warren. And I agree with you about the sea change in gun attitudes and use. Today's NYTimes article on the Newtown gun laws--and gun habits of a few citizens--was a total eye-opener. And shows you what we are up against if we passively let the extremists take over.

Maybe I spoke to soon, I am heartened to read that some NRA members see the need for change, West Virginia Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin, an "A" rated member of the NRA, on Monday questioned the availability of assault weapons and suggested Friday's shooting in Newtown, Conn. has opened up the issue for debate.Please, please let this divided country stop right here, right now, and get on board with President Obama, Surely we all have one thing in common, love of our children and grandchildren. What happened in Newtown CT. should strike enough fear and anguish in each and everyone of us to motivate a change in the gun laws.

Lynn, you have brought up a good point concerning medication. The side effects you mentioned would probably be listed under "rare". meaning that they might only occur in 1 percent of users. I have read that they can be especially dangerous to young people, giving a greater propensity to suicide. I know several families that have their young children taking medication for ADHD, truly, when I see these kids they all look the same, very thin, and hollowed eyed. It really sets my nerves on edge, i wonder if the side effects will cause them more harm then the good that their parents and teachers seem to seeing. I for one think that any medication we ingest needs to be looked at as "is the cure worse then the problem".

When the American Revolution was fought (which is the same time frame that the Constitution and Bill of Rights were written), THEY had an army, too. The British Army. "Americans" were not independent citizens living in their own country. They were in colonies of British America, directly under the rule of the crown, and therefore under the British army. The guns they insisted they keep were not to defend their own country in absence of a regular army, because they already had one. The people who wrote such things (such as the 2nd Amendment) were also directly involved in the fight against their own oppressive government. They were people who already had an army and government that they didn't agree with, who saw the need to fight against THEM for their independence.

I understand what you're saying, and I understand why you probably feel the way you feel about these things, but please, don't distort history so that it fits your agenda. More importantly, America fought very hard to get away from the British ways, and it makes little sense to allow America to willingly go down the same path that they do today. If people want these changes, it's a simple plane ticket away.

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SLOW LOVE means engaging with the world in a considered, compassionate way, appreciating the miraculous beauty of everyday moments, and celebrating the interconnected nature of life. SLOW LOVE LIFE is a place to share ways to practice daily mindfulness in the midst of our busy, productive days.

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