My girlfriend had an amateur porn website

After my girlfriend and I started dating, I found out that she had an amateur porn website. In the website, which is no longer online, she sold naked pictures of herself. She also offered solo masturbation videos, and briefly sold a tape she made with her boyfriend at the time. Pretty tame by adult industry standards, but pretty severe to my limited experience. I'm not normally jealous of a woman's past, and I have no problems with pornography, but I am uncomfortable with how I feel about her former career.

She is her own woman, and has every right to do what she wants. I am freaked out though. I have talked to her about how I feel, but I just end up making her feel bad. I still like her, or I would have ended it already. Should I break up with her, or should I try to feel better about this?

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I can understand how you feel...I think it would come as an extremely unpleasant shock to discover that a guy I was dating had had his own porn site :eek (I'm like you, I enjoy porn but wouldn't want to date someone in the biz.) What would make or break the relationship for me would be my partner's reasons for shutting down the site and his present feelings on the subject. Does he regret it?

Has she told you her rationale for ending her porn career and how she feels about it today?

I don't think she personally had a problem with doing it. She liked working on the site, and she made a lot of money doing it, but I think she eventually got bored with it. Also, ironically, when she was newly single, a close friend suggested, that a new boyfriend might not understand. That might have played a part.

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I don't think she personally had a problem with doing it. She liked working on the site, and she made a lot of money doing it, but I think she eventually got bored with it. Also, ironically, when she was newly single, a close friend suggested, that a new boyfriend might not understand. That might have played a part.

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Hmm. If I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd be able to accept it. I could never be with a person who doesn't have an issue with profiting from sexual activities. That's just me. I think it would be a good idea to spend some time mulling this over, and decide whether or not you can reconcile this with your morals. I absolutely believe that shared values are vital to a healthy, successful relationship.

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You mentioned that you don't have a problem with porn, so don't you think it's kind of hypocritical for you to be upset that she used to do it?

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Not really. Most of us utilize pornography, but how many of us would have a problem with posing/acting in an adult movie for $$? More than a few, I'll bet. Is that hypocritical, to want to look at it but be morally opposed to starring in it? I don't see how you could draw that conclusion since they're two very different things.

It's not at all unusual for a person to want their SO to share their values (in fact, they should). So part of his moral code is "I won't accept money to do porn" (there's a world of difference between being an exhibitionist and using your body as a sexual commodity), and he would prefer to have a gf who feels the same way. He shouldn't feel obligated to drop the bar on the type of partner he's seeking simply because he didn't have this information beforehand. Not only are we all entitled to have our own personal set of criteria for a SO, we should! Don't judge him for having a set of criteria that differs from your own.

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I don't see what's wrong with accepting money gladly for something people would give away their money gladly to see...If I enjoy porn, and spend money on it, there isn't anything wrong with someone getting and enjoying the fruits of their own labor...I mean, I wouldn't be comfortable with doing porn, but just because I wouldn't, doesn't mean that it isn't right for someone else..As long as she was honest, I think that is really what is important.

Actually, neither one of the stories, his or yours, are especially earth shattering. At least he allows her to have a past.

Personally? If I had that in my past, I would love it if my boyfriend said "you know how much I care about and respect you, can I share my feelings about your old business?" - it would show me that he's not judging, but just wants some clarification and have his mind eased. I'm sure she's probably expecting it. She's probably not under some illusion that every guy would be okay with it.

Now, like Cowboy Lover said, this all depends on how you found out. Did she out and out tell you? If so, definitely express your feelings in a non-accusatory manner. If you found out on your own, well..um.. :nerv

I'm making some assumptions about her as a person here, so, bear with me and please correct or add as needed;

First off, I think it is cool as hell ASSUMING she has the self esteem and emotional maturity to do something you said she enjoys; the web site, and make some money at it AND be able to put it behind her when the time came; moving on in her personal life.
Three potential plus's in my book.

Now, if she did this site for other reasons, low self esteem, some sort of self loathing or insecurities, then that's a whole other ball of wax. But, I assumed she's fine in terms of emotional health based on how you described the situation. Again, my assumptions.
Some potential minus's here.

I would think that is where the debate begins and ends; is doing an explicit web site for fun and profit de facto evidence of emotional issues or is it something someone can reasonably be seen to do for the stated reasons; fun and profit?
This is either the BIG plus or the BIG minus.

You've said you like her and want to stay in the relationship. That speaks well of the person she is unless you, no offense, are fairly fucked up, too. Either a plus or a minus, depending.

You have talked to her about and gave her your thoughts and feelings. That's good on you for talking about it and good on her for listening. Sure plus.

You say talking to her about it made her feel bad. That's a bad sign that maybe she has some issues as, if her emotional health was good, I would expect she'd be able to listen to your thoughts and respect them while being comfortable with what she'd done especially as she has put it behind her. Sounds like a big minus to me.

I think Bluesy's point about shared moral values is a HUGE point for you to consider; does this woman share your values and simply had done something wild and crazy and fun? She sure doesn't sound proud or comfortable with it. Does she NOT share your values and, perhaps, she is simply exciting to you at this point, thus, your motives and intentions are not 'girlfriend' but more 'fuck'?

Not really. Most of us utilize pornography, but how many of us would have a problem with posing/acting in an adult movie for $$? More than a few, I'll bet. Is that hypocritical, to want to look at it but be morally opposed to starring in it? I don't see how you could draw that conclusion since they're two very different things.

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...'utilize'.

To me, porn is art, not a tool. Not all porn is art, just as a bad painting or song is not art, but good porn, as a good piece of music or painting is, to me, art.

There is crap porn cranked out simply to make a buck just as there is crap music and paintings cranked out for the same reasons.

Having not seen Fakey's GF's site, I can't say if it was crap or art, but, that she had fun doing it, speaks to me that the primary motivation wasn't money. If it was, that's not good. No one should paint or play or fuck for money and expect it to be considered anything other than just that; prostitution.

I actually have a higher opinion of hookers than of musicians who whore themselves. Someone would actually be choosing to engage a hooker. Crap music attacks me over the air waves, victimizing us all!!! :lol

As for performing, I'd LOVE to stand in front of any crowd with my guitar because I do have some songs that I think are worthy of public play. As for starring in "LP at Cheerleader Camp" I don't have the body of a Peter North or Espresso so, I don't pass the physical 'art' part of that equation but I am a good enough performer sexually, especially if she turns me on, to be interesting.

I'm a ham; IF she turned me on, and I got back in real good shape, I could fuck on camera.

No, I couldn't. The thought of family members, my daughters and sisters and mom, every seeing it would be the deal breaking. Yike.