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The requirements are exceedingly rigid and uncompromising. Applicants must have all of the following qualities:

1. Able to breathe without being told
2. Fluent in at least one English language
3. Possessing at least two fingers, and capable of typing with them on a keyboard in semi-literate fashion
4. Willingness to work insane hours at no pay
5. Willingness to take endless abuse from trolls, spammers, and occasional cantankerous members
6. Ability to enforce no-leeting rule
7. Exceptional physical attractiveness
8. Ability to wear heavy jackboots and wield them as necessary
9. Exceptional sexual prowess

Please send your resume to SOOI. We'll get back to you.

1. Check
2. Three: American, Ebonics, and Pilot
3. Ten operational fingers...
4. No sweat. See above post about aviation experience.
5. See 4
6. Check
7. Was called a sexy beast on two separate occasions by attractive female and male passers-by.
8. Very much check
9. Was called a "sex god" multiple times during most recent encounter with girlfriend

What would be the proper format for said resume?

_________________My name is Hawk. Battle Hawk.
---------
"It’s my pleasure to have your mail confirming earlier discussion had with Mr GREG who had sort my Chambers services on your behalf"
"THank you so much for this update and I am very mush happy to know that the bank has conted you. Please do send them all the required informations today along with the fees as mentioned. This is to make sure that you make ahead of time."
"I only signed for your trnasfer approval due to that i want you to proof to you we dont run a scam here and we wont tolerate that words from you anymore."

_________________"SATAN WILL KILL YOU . BECAUSE YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF MERMAID"

"HOW DOES IT SOUND TO YOU THAT ANOTHER PERSON IS DEALING WITH YOU AND ASK YOU TO CONTACT ANOTHER PERSON AND NOW YOU SAID THAT YOU WANT TO DEAL WITH THE OTHER PERSON WITHOUT THE KNOWING OF THE PERSON THAT ASK YOU TO CONTACT THE OTHER PERSON"

"I apologize again that I will lick the dust from your sandals." - Shorty

I AM A FOOL AND I AM SO DISAPPOINTED - Brother Okei AKA Goat Milk Lad
I do not wish my enemy what I have experienced and this humiliation you are putting me through - Rushforth (on behalf of Dharma & Dr Mike)

JustcoldSwineherd

Joined: 27 Dec 2011
Posts: 6652
Location: Petting my new goat.

Posted:
Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:55 pm

^Don't EVER ask me to one of your "sexy Danish parties" again. There were no hot Eater ladies there.

^^ You should have known when they said "Lets catch this on tape!" that it wasn't going to be a video.

I don't understand why anyone would want to be a Mod. From what I have heard from reliable sources, the Mod room is always a mess. There are only two chairs and no windows. Meetings are filled with monologues by Admins. Voting is rigged and Mods have to follow Members like me around from various forums, cleaning up the messes I make.

Well, messes I am accused of making. I have never been found guilty.

I also hear that the Jackboots are not new, but have been passed down for years. I happen to know when it comes to footwear, one size does NOT fit all.

Then there is the business of dealing with trolls. I know I have a difficult time discerning trolls from All right already, we get the picture, you aren't and never will be Mod material. I am just saving you from continued embarrassment. Hugs your fav Mod <snip> </snip>

Brother Mike co-bait with NWM : Agbor, Nigeria to Douala
Brother Mike again with the help of Juan and [email protected] : Agbor to Abuja
Pastor Clet Star Wars Safari Accra-Bauchi Co-Bait with NWM and the Rebels
Justice my [email protected] Elecric1ty lad Accra to Tamale with the help of [email protected] and Juan
Operation "Lagos spy"
The Dynamic Dumbasses

TsnerdNot quite a Newb

Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 41

Posted:
Thu Aug 09, 2012 1:02 am

One minute, I was drinking in a small, quiet corner in a small, quiet bar...the next minute I was chained to a metal, wobbly desk in the metal hold of what appears to be a ship and forced to use a computer that still runs on DOS.....

The quarterly meetings with the lovely Mod ladies is a pleasant respite - the PTBs make them wear skimpy clothing and fetching hats....

My 'employers' tell me that I have only three more jackbooty posts to make and my servitude will be complete and I'll be released.....yet my postcount seems to inexplicably be set at 41

But I haven't submitted it yet, now have I? I was merely performing a mental checklist out loud.

_________________My name is Hawk. Battle Hawk.
---------
"It’s my pleasure to have your mail confirming earlier discussion had with Mr GREG who had sort my Chambers services on your behalf"
"THank you so much for this update and I am very mush happy to know that the bank has conted you. Please do send them all the required informations today along with the fees as mentioned. This is to make sure that you make ahead of time."
"I only signed for your trnasfer approval due to that i want you to proof to you we dont run a scam here and we wont tolerate that words from you anymore."

In all seriousness, is it something one is asked to do or can one volunteer for the position?

Why on earth would anyone want to volunteer for the position?

There I was one day, minding my own business. My phone rang and I did not recognize the number. I answered. It was Rover. I said yes. Rover broke into hysterical laughter, covered the mouthpiece on the phone and I heard a muffled "He said he'd do it!", immediately followed by more hysterical (muffled) laughter. Rover hung up before I could change my answer to "No".

Within two hours, Pastor Frank PM'd me bitching about something trivial and Klassvaak had flooded my inbox with Eltons.

It's gotten progressively worse.

_________________ ~

“I guess a man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, and then steps in it.” ~ John Steinbeck

Well, I darn sure ain't gonna get paid to do it, and it would be working toward the betterment of the board. I mean, there is a fair amount of riff-raff around here...

_________________My name is Hawk. Battle Hawk.
---------
"It’s my pleasure to have your mail confirming earlier discussion had with Mr GREG who had sort my Chambers services on your behalf"
"THank you so much for this update and I am very mush happy to know that the bank has conted you. Please do send them all the required informations today along with the fees as mentioned. This is to make sure that you make ahead of time."
"I only signed for your trnasfer approval due to that i want you to proof to you we dont run a scam here and we wont tolerate that words from you anymore."

^^^^ My brain just did a Time Warp. Oh great now I am going to be stuck with that song in head the rest of the night!

_________________ x9 x2 X24 X138 x3 x2 x2 x4 X2 X3 x5 x11 x2 X4 X12 x10 x3 x2 2 Antigua flag needed
x 15 for my Lagos,Nigeria to Parakou,Benin Lad Senator Anyim Pius
~okay yes i we be mayonaise for you~
THE WESTERN UNION MUST GIVE YOU A PEPPER AS A RECEIPT. IF THEY GAVE YOU THIS CONFIRMATION PEPPER THEN ATTACH IT AND SEND IT TO ME OKAY.
'rooms are fully air-Conditional' Air, get while it lasts!
~ANCIENT, not old!~ Says Basts Child!

SlightlyoutofitBaiting Guru

Joined: 13 Feb 2007
Posts: 14310
Location: Foraging for Nuts.

Posted:
Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:46 am

I was originally made a mod purely on the basis of Rover's favourite motto:

"Keep your friends close but keep your enemies even closer."

_________________

God will see you true for all this you have done to me you bastard. - Collins Kalu
MAY THE HAND THAT TYPE ON KEYBORD BECOME STRICKEN AND TRANSMIT VIRUS TO YOU ENTIRE BODY. - Dr Linda Akeem
oh what a mess its time cabbage punks like u will be expose for trully what they are. - David Cole

RoycropperBaiting Guru

Joined: 14 Nov 2005
Posts: 7993
Location: Luxury Coffin

Posted:
Thu Aug 09, 2012 8:53 am

I have problems from time to time with the 'deathers' - other mods demanding to see the long form version of my death certificate, as there are persistent rumours that it's a forgery.

Other than that, it's the only room dark and cold enough to keep my coffin in, although the squirrel's litter tray keeps getting moved into my corner

_________________the European Union has bounced on our freckles
COULD YOU IMAGINE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I WENT TO THE BANK
our Agent is Completely broke, pocketless and stranded
I WLL SEND AN AFRICA WITCH TO ATTACH YOU BASTARD
You go die like bird
i started shouting HALLELUJAGOBBLE but none of them notice me immediately police arrested me due to the shouting
f*ck u asshole ur damn mother will loose ur fcuking skull brain ur brain is nothing to compare with rat f*ck ur u
MY FRIEND ALEX WAS DETAINED IN POLICE STATION
I am not happy due to the question i answered at money office. Let me tell you do not play with me ok.
x4 6Yrs x6

friday3Elite Baiter

Joined: 28 Oct 2005
Posts: 1341
Location: beating my new firefox..

Posted:
Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:24 am

BattleHawk77 wrote:

Well, I darn sure ain't gonna get paid to do it

You're not, asking will just get you blacklisted. I make quite a handsome living out of it though. Just put another story on the house

_________________The above text is the sole intellectual property of friday3. Reproduction without the expressed permission of Friday3 is a breach of copyright punishable be a fine of up to $50 000 (payable by check) and/or 5 years jail.

_________________I have arrived in Moscow. Has gone to bank and to me have told that there is no such transfer for me!!!!
What does it mean? You played with me? If it so that you very much the cruel man and I am assured of that that the god will see your cruelty.
Explain to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Alena Byk0va
-----------
x12 x3 x4

We are Karma's soldiers.<a href="/forum/donate.php">Mugu Gold</a>

I must be cruel, only to be kind:
Thus bad begins and worse remains behind. -Hamlet, scene iv

the vampireBaiting Guru

Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Posts: 3601
Location: playmobil land

Posted:
Fri Aug 10, 2012 3:56 am

The only requirement is that you need to be insane enough to become a mod, which also implies that once you are in the nuth....err mod room, you are not allowed out again. Ever.
Paranoid thinks he is insane enough, but sadly for him he is just paranoid and that's not good enough.
Being a zombie would help too.

Ah Paranoid come over here and let me explain my philosophy on Life and Death.

Don't worry folks I'll have him Mod Crazy in an hour. He will long for the simple days of merely wondering if he is riff or raff.

_________________ x9 x2 X24 X138 x3 x2 x2 x4 X2 X3 x5 x11 x2 X4 X12 x10 x3 x2 2 Antigua flag needed
x 15 for my Lagos,Nigeria to Parakou,Benin Lad Senator Anyim Pius
~okay yes i we be mayonaise for you~
THE WESTERN UNION MUST GIVE YOU A PEPPER AS A RECEIPT. IF THEY GAVE YOU THIS CONFIRMATION PEPPER THEN ATTACH IT AND SEND IT TO ME OKAY.
'rooms are fully air-Conditional' Air, get while it lasts!
~ANCIENT, not old!~ Says Basts Child!

friday3Elite Baiter

Joined: 28 Oct 2005
Posts: 1341
Location: beating my new firefox..

Posted:
Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:42 am

I found having a lad crafted campaign shirt help

_________________The above text is the sole intellectual property of friday3. Reproduction without the expressed permission of Friday3 is a breach of copyright punishable be a fine of up to $50 000 (payable by check) and/or 5 years jail.

Oh, no Bast C. I did get a call from Rover once. It wasn't pretty, he said my house was under surveillance and I best watch my ps and qs. I don't think it was an invitation to become a Mod.

Of course I loooked outside immediately, and there were black hellicoptera all 'round. I quickly closed the door and the shades and cut a trap door in the floor of the trailer.

I have since moved, changed my number and I only go outside in the night time so I can't see the black hellicopters. This was taped to the door of my current trailer recently. I am not sure waht it means.

Quote:

'Noid is very shy and meek, he always dresses in the dark because the mountains peak.

Now, it may have been an invitation to become a Mod, but I held it up to a candle to see if it was some kind of secret ink and the darn thing caught fire. It singed my eyebrows and I heard laughing from some place. Maybe it was a test to see if I were Mod material.

I hope I didn't blow it some how.

Wait, what am I saying??? I have a headache already and I don't think any Mod openings exist.

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