Talkin' shite. Constructively

Below Deck Mediterranean S3:E10 Hannah, Hannah, Sandy? Recap

We're back with our threepeat guest Ken Novotny on Below Deck Mediterranean, I'm worried coz it looks like Chief Stewardess Hannah Ferrier is in truuuubbbble. Rolling S3:E10 after the break!

First we're back with the Novotnys and guest Desmond Mason asking for an impromptu beach picnic instead of their planned lunch and hold up.

We saw Third Stewardess Kasey Kohen setting the table as they discussed the picnic, but she was setting the wee table, not the big sucker that everyone actually eats at outside. I call shenanigans!

Second Stewardess Brooke Laughton tells us it takes 2 or 3 hours to set up a beach picnic but chef Adam Glick is READY. "Highway to the Dangerzone" plays as he starts reworking his onion-free platters. (jk)

Hannah's been in her bunk all afternoon dealing with a panic attack, which are no joke. She's starting to think there is more to it than just that she's falling in love with Bosun Conrad Empson: she's feeling the heat from the rest of the crew too. Captain Sandy Yawn has been all over her (Hannah's work ethic has been a little Hannah-ish) and her roommate is dating someone she hates.

What.

What?

You think your anxiety comes from your roommate dating someone she never ever brings back to her cabin, unlike you who has someone barging in and sleeping double every night? Or is it that Brooke makes up her own mind about who she likes AND does a great job so you can't fault her for that? Which one?

Anxiety is no joke. I can't figure Hannah out and just realised that I don't care. Cheers!

Everyone else gets the picnic ready, Conrad working hard.

The guests are pretty chill, they seem to understand the beach party is a big ask and are entertaining themselves with bevvies and dreams of topless bartenders. After the first charter I am super surprised to say: I bet this gang would be fun to party with.

Kasey takes a shot at Hannah: is she hungover or does she have bronchitis like deckhand Jamie Jason who is also out? Kasey is loving working hard with Brooke, who pulled off the fastest beach picnic in history.

It did cross my mind to wonder if Hannah was hungover after her almost-birthday-party, the overemotional response to everything and puking.

You know why Brooke is faster? She just does what the client asks for. She doesn't get emotional about it, she doesn't think about how it inconveniences her, she's on charter and she's being paid to do a job so she does it. Fin

I was AWESOME at customer service jobs.

Captain Sandy sure noticed how great Conrad is doing, whatever could be different?

See? These guests look FUN!

They head back to the yacht to use the slide, it looks like a blast. Conrad pops in to see Hannah, who's also been tended to by Adam, he doesn't want her to feel abandoned.

See. Let me try to explain. In my last recap BDM S3:E09 Panic at the Deck-O, Hannah was in the middle of a shittalking marathon rant about lead deckhand João Franco so Conrad called a T. Hannah didn't like that, suggesting Conrad wasn't being supportive and somehow connected this being similar to all of her male role models abandoning her when she was very young.

Abandonment issues would be exactly something Conrad would care about, he was left as a child by his bio-dad (SOMETIMES PARENTS ARE PEOPLE AND HAVE TO MAKE HARD CHOICES. And sometimes just arseholes) and he doesn't want to make Hannah feel as though he's not there for her.

It would all make sense if she was pounding vodka in the scenes we couldn't see her silently stewing in the corner.

Back in the present, Conrad is reassuring Hannah that he'll be back to see her when he gets a break in two hours, she goes back to sleep while Captain Sandy Yawn washes dishes in the galley.

I'm a big fan of Captain Sandy's hands-on approach, she's a great mentor and also willing to pitch in when needed. HOWEVER. The fact is: they're behind because they have two crew members down, they both better be sick, knowwhatimsaying?

The guests hop in the hot tub to try different wines while Conrad and João get into yet another fight over that damn slide. Conrad doesn't have any experience with the slide, so when Captain Sandy tells him she's moving the boat to around the corner, he figures he'll tow it with the tender while fully inflated. João has more experience with slides, so he carefully offers a suggestion of leaving it in place, but deflating and pulling it up onto the deck, presumably so it doesn't get stuck on anything.

This blows into a massive argument, lots of chest thumping from Conrad and that's how you can tell he's an inexperienced manager. An experienced manager takes and uses knowledge from the crew, secure that she is the leader. A more inexperienced leader takes all suggestions as attacks on his knowledge and violently defends an uninformed position. Like Conrad.

João could have stood down at any time, though, yes you gave your opinion and your boss didn't agree, dunzo. He's the boss. But telling your underling to "shut your mouth" is never good management.

Conrad tows the fully inflated slide with the tender, Captain Sandy is impressed but I think that's because he's doing something other than being manipulated by Hannah. I'm with João, his plan seemed to make much more sense. It gets dark, there's Conrad out on the water towing the slide.

Kasey and Brooke are doing really well, they're both professional and hardworking which only seems strange because we're comparing it to everyone else.

The guests are still enjoying themselves!

Adam is determined to redeem himself after the last charter with the Novotnys, now that he's not "distracted." See, even a year later, he's still blaming his lack of professionalism and focus on Malia White.

Conrad and deckhand Colin Macy-O'Toole re-attach the slide they've been out on the water with this whole time, Captain Sandy is impressed! There are many ways to solve a problem, it seems one of them involves sitting in a dinghy for hours in the dark.

The guests asked for supper at 9:30, so of course we're waiting for them to show up after 10:00 pm. Adam's just chilling, everything has been prepped to the point just before completion because he knows how it goes asea with Richie Riches.

Desmond Mason shows up in the salon, he's hungry. The gummi bears are at risk, so Brooke heads down to the master bedroom to wake up Kenny and Amber.

Wouldn't their FRIENDS do that?? Why would the stewardess wake up guests? Shenanigans!

Brooke doesn't get any answer from the guests so she starts calling them on the phone while Desmond contemplates eating the table. He's HONGRAY. He's not getting any bread or crackers because Kasey is doing turndown service and Brooke is making espressos for Kenny and Amber, the latter of which has a bad belly.

Kenny strolls in at 11:01 pm, only 91 minutes after the supper time they requested! That's okay, these guests are fun.

Captain Sandy takes matters into her own hands, literally, helping to serve supper to the guests who think she's maybe coming to eat with them. She wakes up Colin too, he looks good in his serving uniform, don't he? Hm

Dinner service goes very well without Hannah, it's much smoother without her and you never want people to realise that about you.

Colin sings show tunes while helping to clean up, I was so wrong about him.

Adam comes up for kudos for his meal, the guests loved it! Even Amber's belly got better and she was able to come say hi.

We're on our second day of charter, woooo and it starts with Adam getting an onion delivery and Hannah stumbling out of her bunk. The first thing we see her do with another person is stir up shite: asking Kasey if everything is "okay with João." You know why nobody had a bad day yesterday while they were understaffed and overworked? They didn't have some yahoo stirring up bad feelings all day and creating camps of Us vs. Them.

Kasey takes the bait and chitchats about Brooke, but she's not as dumb as people think she is. She's fully aware that Hannah is only going mean cheerleader with her because she's trying to get more numbers on her side. It's just ludicrous because Hannah was doing everything she could to have Kasey fired two charters ago. Even if Hannah doesn't remember that, KASEY does.

Adam's come up with a game idea for the Novotnys, a scavenger hunt looking for onions all over the boat.

1) onions are messy, Adam, onion skin everywhere

2) was this stupid #noonions three-part saga planned from the beginning?

Hannah makes it aboard to help the hungover guests, she hopes they weren't too hard on "her girls." She and Brooke chat a bit in the galley that's suddenly tense, does she think she and Brooke are different?

Nawr, she thinks everything will be fine after João f*cks Brooke over and she comes running back to Hannah.

In case you were wondering what a Shit Friend looks like, everyone: Exhibit A.

Because while João may indeed mess Brooke about, it's pretty clear Hannah is only Brooke's friend when she does things that Hannah agrees with. Like a 12 year old.

Primary Kenny takes Hannah aside to give praise to the two great helpers yesterday, they were really impressed with Brooke and João, whom they call Ice, as in IceMan from Top Gun.

Hannah is ecstatic to hear positive feedback on the guy she hates, murmuring that she hasn't seen Top Gun. I just spent an enjoyable 10 minutes looking at Val Kilmer gifs from the 80s, so thanks Kenny!

Kenny tells her about trying to move Brooke and Ice closer together, did they do that with Kasey? No, and not Hannah either, she seems too old for everyone.

*oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

Adam serves breakfast, he's happy with his performance!

Jamie's still coughing but she's up on deck working, she doesn't want to miss the whole charter sleeping in her bunk. Captain Sandy is skeptical but as she says: these people are *technically* adults.

Hannah has an idea for the guests, a floating bar they can explore from. Primary Kenny thinks that sounds fun, can Brooke and Ice take them?

*ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

It's like Hannah can't believe that hard work and a good attitude can pay off!

Conrad is trying to set everything up for Hannah's idea, but Captain Sandy asked him to set up a bunch of other things, so he's running. Captain Sandy stops him for a hard chat: what the feck does he think he's doing? He tries very carefully to keep Hannah's name out of it but Captain Sandy has noticed the difference and brings her up.

However shit Conrad does his job when Hannah around is NOT Hannah's fault, he needs to straighten his own work out, none of this is Hannah's fault. Yes, she's asking for stuff, but it's on the radio so everyone can hear, she's not slipping him kites via a biggieslow.

On the other hand, Conrad flat out lies when he says he hasn't even talked one word to Hannah, everyone has radios, dude.

The guests get ready to go drunk-tendering, Hannah stops by the bridge for permission. First she lies and says the guests are "insisting" she goes (they asked for Brooke and Ice, let's roll tape!) and then swears she will only be having a Coke and it won't take hours.

I'm so glad I wrote that down!

Instead of Brooke and Ice, Primary Kenny got Hannah and Conrad, who set them up on chairs with drinks then bail to sit separately and talk about their feelings. Two hours later, the guests wanna go for a drive on the water and finishing off the bevvies while everyone on ship works.

Captain Sandy starts looking for Hannah around 6:30, finding out at 7:30 (3.5 hours after they left the ship) that nobody is back from the excursion yet, including Hannah and Conrad. Well. It's not like Hannah could leave the guests and come back alone, Captain, what would you have her do?

Maybe let Brooke and Ice have gone instead, like the guests wanted in the first place? That?

Captain Sandy is furious, Hannah was down the whole day before and Brooke had to work 21 hours in a row to cover and is still working while Hannah tells Conrad to move the tender a little so they can all see the sunset. Captain Sandy calls Conrad and tries to breathe.

Brooke and João watch Captain Sandy pace the bridge and shout about how much she wants to "fire Hannah's ass", better them than us, they decide. True story. João gives Brooke a little hand squeeze and heads back to work, you know, because he's on shift. *writing down for Conrad*

Hannah is alarmed, obviously, so comes straight to see Captain Sandy as soon as they get back on ship. Captain Sandy is not ready to speak to Hannah, she's too angry so Hannah will have to wait in her bunk. Hannah doesn't understand and tries to argue her case, but Captain Sandy knows herself: not now or she'll just fire Hannah on the spot. And we're out.

Well. That was an emotionally charged episode, I think that must have been a communication error between Captain Sandy and Hannah. The Captain thought Hannah was going to have one Coke at the bar then head back to work, not understanding that Hannah had arranged for a booze cruise all afternoon. I mean, the guests had a great time and Hannah was doing her job but Captain Sandy doesn't even know that Hannah stole that trip which I think is the real problem. Brooke and João were stuck on the boat like an adorable Cinderella and Cinderfella, working hard while Hannah took the easy shift. That's kinda what bosses do...Until next time!