August 3, 2013

Scoring The Date (Part 2)

by Carter Lee

In the previous blog, I talked about how the approach should go if you are approaching a woman who is by herself. In this blog (sorry it took so long), I will be covering how to approach a woman who is surrounded by her friends and also other admirers.

Many men, regardless of age, are scared shitless with the thought of approaching a random stranger they are attracted to and talking to them. Other people are scared shitless of dating as a whole. I suggest reading my first blog on this topic to understand how dating can be healthy and why it shouldn’t be feared. But to cut to the chase let’s get right into the point of this current installment.

Most likely, if you are at a social place and there is a large group of women together it is going to be a nightspot like a bar, possibly a coffee shop; but the former is more likely than the latter. In the first installment of Scoring the Date, I recommended that you approach the woman you are attracted to right away; this isn’t the case with a group of women. Get a drink, join your friends or relax, and size-up the group. Don’t be creepy about it by staring constantly, or give time for someone else to join them, but just watch them to see if they are there for strictly a girl’s night out or if they are simply out with their friends to socialize.

If you can’t tell if they are trying to be by themselves, simply approach the table and ask, “is this a girl’s night out or do you mind if I join you ladies?” Just don’t take the answer personally if they reject that idea and remember never take being turned down personally. So to move on with the process, we will go with the scenario that they have no issues with you joining them. You first introduce yourself to all of them with awesome body language of looking them in their eyes and also repeat all of their names back to them. This does two things; helps you remember their names, and it shows you are sincere and that you care.

If there is a guy at the table with them, this obviously would let you know it’s not a girl’s night out, as well. The first thing you need to do is warm up to the guy before you start conversations with others. Win him over, in other words, as he is automatically put in the position as the “protector”; whether the girls feel that way or not, he does. Don’t try to compete with him, just be nice.

Now, you should have one woman in the group whose interest you want to catch. I have stated this before, but to reiterate; I am not into playing games, nor do I consider myself a “pickup artist.” My business partner initially wanted me to be a pickup artist but I felt it was better to go in the direction of just helping people, of any gender or situation, gain a great self-esteem, self-confidence, and to overcome their past. However, it is important to realize how human psychology works and whether we like it or not, we need to work in the compounds of the human psyche; which brings me to my next suggestion.

Before you even approached the table, you should know who you want to get to know out of the group. Perhaps it will change through conversation and certainly let life and spontaneity do its thing, but the goal here is to get a particular number from the specific woman that you are attracted within the group.

So, during the small talk portion of getting to know the table, this goes back to human psychology. Pay the least attention to the one you actually want to get to know the most. It is human nature and often happens subconsciously to then want the attention on yourself if you feel you aren’t being given the same attention. Again, I’m not into games, but this will get her attention and it’s just the way we are conditioned as people.

Often the girl’s in Sally’s position will then initiate more conversation with you. This is perfect and don’t take too long to then say something clever (visit the previous blog on this topic), get her digits, and get the hell outta dodge. If she doesn’t take the initiative when you leave (and you shouldn’t be there longer than 10-15 minutes), go up to her when you are saying goodbye to everyone and then tell her you would like to get to know her more, etc (again refer to the previous blog). And when you leave, don’t just leave the table; leave the establishment.

A few things to keep in mind; if you are getting along fabulously well with the table and it’s a blast and you are cliquing with said girl, its okay to stay a bit longer. If it turns out Sally has a boyfriend or that you end up liking someone at the table more than Sally, then let the evening take you there. Go with the flow. I do want to say that I am writing this series for those who are good people but simply don’t have the skill sets to get the results they are looking for. If you are going on dates only to get laid or view women as objects, please read someone else’s advice. One of the things I take pride in is my respect for people, especially women. Remember folks; be nice to one another out there. One person can make a difference in someone’s life.

In the next blog I will tackle how to get a woman’s interest that already has a group of men begging for her attention.