THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL! STALKER! DANCING WITH THE STARS! GENERAL HOSPITAL! The TV Addict Week in Rewind

Best Casting: Aubrey Plaza, perhaps best known as the slow-speaking, sarcastic secretary-from-hell April on PARKS & RECREATION, will give voice to the slow-speaking, sarcastic pet-from-hell in Lifetime’s GRUMPY CAT’S WORST CHRISTMAS EVER. Finally, a holiday special for us Grinches!

Generic Rebranding Of The Week: The TV Guide Network will now be known as “Pop,” promising to celebrate fandom with a “fun, enthusiastic and celebratory approach [that won’t be’ mean-spirited or snarky.” Guess that means the Twitterverse won’t be taking part!

Most Likely To Bring About Change: Forget public outcry. Want to know what’s going to cause the NFL to take series action against their violence-exhibiting players? The fact that Anheuser-Busch is “not yet satisfied with the league’s handling” of the situation. Forget bros-before-hos, kids, cause when it comes to sponsors, it’s all about payers-before-players.

Best Calling-Out: Finally, someone called THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL’s Hope out on the fact that she married Wyatt because Liam was, like, 45 seconds late. “You never thought it could be a flight delay or bad traffic or tuberculosis or the flu?” asked Quinn. “You needed an excuse to marry the brother of your fiancée!”

Biggest Misunderstanding: Annalynne McCord will appear on STALKER as an actress dealing with an obsessed fan. Apparently, my endless pleas that DALLAS make her a regular were taken the wrong way. Whoopsie!

Most In Need Of A Reality Check: Booted from DANCING WITH THE STARS, Lolo Jones posted on Facebook that she hoped to perform well so that “the haters would stop teasing me.” She added, “But that is my way of thinking. Not Gods.” Making her just the latest celeb to think that God ain’t got nothing better to do than watch reality TV. And besides, God is totally Team Antonio.

Town Least Likely To Survive An Emergency: Even as flashing lights and a loud alarm clued them into the fact that a self-destruct sequence had been activated, several residents of GENERAL HOSPITAL’s Port Charles stood around having long conversations instead of, you know, running.

Most Intriguing Aside: It was announced that Vimeo would offer 80 episodes of MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000, which is awesome in and of itself. But what really got our attention was that the streaming service would also feature “any new episodes” made over the next year. Let the movies-in-need-of-ribbing suggestions fly, my people!