Did you know that poultry cannot be potty trained? Of course you did. It's why your pet duck Precious keeps peeing on your couch and quacking out poos on every rug in the house. Not to mention that, despite every movie, cartoon, and Animal Planet special you've seen depicting ducks marching in neat little rows in the wild, when you try to take your feathered friend for a walk it's complete pandemonium! Chaotic flapping, zigzagging waddles, feathers everywhere. Your duck needs a diaper. And a harness. And preferably an apparatus that serves as both. And especially preferably one that is patriotic in its design, and pays homage to the stars and stripes. Because whether it's Independence day or a random hump day in October, the fact that we in the United States have access to deluxe diaper harnesses for full-grown ducks, handmade and custom-sized by Nettie and Alex of PartyFowl reminds us nothing if not this: America. Fuck yeah.

Duck diapers and harnesses can also be sewn to fit geese, chickens, and other household poultry that might do something on your coffee table other than sit there inanimately waiting for you to eat it. PartyFowl's unique "suits" stretch along bodies and over tail feathers, loop around necks, and buckle with adjustable straps to ensure proper fit. The straps connect to a pouch that sits directly under the duck's cloaca, or urination/defecation hole, and is big enough to hold half a disposable baby diaper for liquid absorption and solid entrapment. The pouch is accessible for diaper swapping without removing the entire harness. Obviously, they can get wet and are washable.

Designed and manufactured in the USA. That's the battle cry of the 2014 EQUUS BASS770, a contemporary nod to American muscle cars of the 60s and 70s. It's also probably the reason for its starting price tag of $250 grand....

Confederate has been releasing Combat motorcycles regularly since 1999; just during my short tenure in these parts we've seen the formidable X132 Hellcat Combat and its follow-up, the equally vicious X132 Hellcat Speedster....

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Know someone who could be a little more diligent about washing their hands? Or their body? Just remember, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, in this case, you catch more hygienic kids and friends with cash...

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These patriots heard the battle cry of Team America, and hollered back an even louder Fuck Yeah! From Paul Revere's Midnight Ride on a Tron Light Cycle to Abe Lincoln wielding an M16 and giddy-upping on a grizzly bear...

It's the 4th of June. You know what that means: time to start ampin' up for the 4th of July! And the rest of the summer swimming, floating, and partying season for that matter. How's about some Floaty Pants to give your...

I'll keep it simple, America: Can I get an F Yeah?! Here are my picks for the Top 10 toys* to shoot, blow, or light up this 4th of July. (Note: All items' prices are listed as they were at printing. Prices are subject...

Take your lady on a trip to Paris this year. Or maybe Stockholm. Edinburgh. New York. I hear Charleston is nice. Or if leaving town isn't in the budget, bring the great cities of the world to her...finger. Ola Shekhtman...

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Oh man, I really hope dogs aren't smarter than we think they are. Does it get more humiliating than a Duckface Muzzle? Quack, an OPPO Japan bit of "You poor canine bastard" is a soft silicone dog muzzle available in yellow...