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THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

CHAPTER 69: PLANET OF LESBIANS!

WHEN LAST SEEN, CAPTAIN PROTON WAS BEING CONGRATULATED FOR SAVING THE WORLD
YET AGAIN.

Captain Proton and his noble crew stood before the imagiser, which showed the
usually grumpy features of the President of Earth formed into a broad smile.

"Thanks to you Proton, the reputation of my illustrious predecessor, George
W. Bush, has finally been cleared. To think that the infamous dictator Saddam
Hussein tried to hide his weapons of mass destruction by sending them forwards
in time, where his evil descendents could use them to conquer our now peaceful
planet."

"I intend to have you decorated before the entire Congress of the United
States of Earth," said the President. "You are all to receive our highest
accolade, the Galactic Star, only bestowed on the most brilliant and talented
personages. In the history of mankind only five have been so honoured."

"Why myself of course," said the President, looking down his presidential
nose at her. "Up till now no-one else has been brilliant and talented enough."

"Mr President, I must decline," said Captain Proton. "Medals and honours mean
little to me. It is reward enough to know that the forces of evil and tyranny
have received a good swift kick up the__"

"Hold on a minute, Proton," said the President, as someone handed him a slip
of paper. His face returned to its familiar scowl as he read the message.
"What's this? Moonbase One has just informed us that they've detected a powerful
beam of energy aimed right at AAARGGGHHHH!!!!"

And the crew watched horrified, as the image of the President was erased from
the screen in a blinding flash of light!

WHAT FIENDISH FATE HAS BEFALLEN THE PRESIDENT OF EARTH? CAN OUR HERO SAVE THE
WORLD FROM THIS MINACIOUS MENACE? FIND OUT NOW IN THE LATEST EPISODE OF...THE
ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

(This episode is sponsored by the Stella Cigarette Corporation. Did you know
that nine out of ten doctors recommend Stella Cigarettes for their excellent
health benefits? So for long life and soothing relaxation, treat yourself to a
Stella Cigarette!)

"We're receiving a transmission!" said Buster, twiddling with the dials of
the Intergalactic Transceiver. They had been unable to make contact with Earth
for over two hours.

"Imagising," said Proton. He gave a sigh of relief as the President of Earth
appeared on the screen.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," said the President.

Everyone gaped.

"Premature baldness, eh? So...think you're not attractive to women? That's
what I used to believe, before a good friend referred me to the William Shatner
Hair Clinic!" The President's bald pate was suddenly covered by a luxuriant
toupee.

"Uh oh," said Buster. "His signal's been infiltrated by an advertising virus.
Hang on, I'm activating SPAM erasure." He flicked a couple of switches and the
President suddenly began talking like a sped-up record player.

"The-William-Shatner-Hair-Clinic-will-fix-your-hair-the-way-no-one-else-will-dare-increase-your-sex-life-in-fifteen-days-or-your-money-back-our-unique-patented-treatment-is-recommended-by-nine-out-of-ten-medical-practitioners-as-the-number-one-method-of-follicle-restoration-what
on Earth did I say all that rubbish for? I'm a politician, not a doctor!"

"Yes, thanks to my brilliant invention of the Photonium Forceshield. But I
fear another attack like that will wipe us out. Panic is spreading throughout
the cities of the world. We've received reports of attacks on New York, London,
Moscow, and Tokyo - though the latter might be that damned great lizard
again...hold on, this just came in." The President scowled at the slip of paper
in front of him. "My God, this is the worst news yet! An American couple was
killed when the nation of France was razed to the ground!" He glared out of the
imagiser at Proton. "Captain Proton, you must stop these attacks before mankind
is totally wiped out! Moonbase One says that these deadly deathrays are coming
from the planet Venus."

"Venus?" exclaimed Buster. "But that's impossible. According to the latest
scientific reports, conditions on that planet make it unable to support any form
of intelligent life!"

"The mysteries of the universe are indeed mysterious," said the President
mysteriously. "Scientists have yet to prove that intelligent life exists on
Earth. Who knows what wonders lie beneath the cloudy veils of that inscrutable
world?"

Captain Proton stood up straight, and all saw the steely glint of
determination in his handsome blue eyes. "Mr President, tell the people of Earth
to have faith in us! We'll find the cowardly culprit behind this dastardly deed,
or perish in the attempt!"

And so the world held its collective breath as Proton's rocket ship wobbled
its way through the inky blackness of space. Since time immemorial Venus had
been regarded as the Planet of Love, but now it had become a destroyer of
worlds. At which city would the fiendish finger of fate point next? Or could
Captain Proton save mankind from this unseen annihilator?

Slowly and inexorably the heat in the cabin rose as they flew closer to the
sun. Sweat formed in the deep cleavage of Constance Goodheart...erhm...on
the noble brow of Captain Proton as he guided his rocket ship down into the
murky haze of Venus. Down, down, down they spiraled, as toxic clouds of sulfuric
acid swirled angrily around the portholes, and hot steamy gusts tossed their
vessel like a helpless toy. Could life truly exist in this sweltering hell?

"The mists are clearing," said Buster, as he peered through the ship's
viewscope. "We appear to be approaching the surface. Wait a minute, there's
something below! My God, it looks like an enormous di__"

A tremendous blow struck the rocket ship, tossing its crew across the control
room. In an instant the clouds were sucked away from the windows and they were
plunging through clear green skies. A loud scream built in the engines, smoke
filled the cabin, and a box of sparklers some idiot had stored inside a console
blazed into life.

"We've just passed through an energy shield!" yelled Proton. "Engines are
out, steering jets are on the fritz, and someone's fitted us with a Stuka
dive-bombing siren!"

Buster picked himself up off the floor and put his eye back to the viewscope.
They were plummeting into a V-shaped valley formed by two smooth, pink ridges.
At the point where they came together was a thick jungle of tangled blonde bush,
from which thrust a gleaming tower of blood-red crystal, thousands of feet high.

"How can this place exist?" wondered Buster. "The temperature outside should
be hundreds of degrees, and the atmospheric pressure ninety times that of
Earth!"

"We appear to have entered a realm in which the Laws of Common Sense do not
apply," said Proton. "Brace yourselves, everyone. I'm setting her down!"

In a billowing cloud of smoke, Proton's rocket ship landed at the edge of the
jungle. The hatchway opened and the three intrepid explorers stepped onto the
surface of the alien world. Except for the blue grass, green sky, flowing purple
rivers, and pink trees with their curling blonde leaves, it looked just like
home!

"Good," said Proton, taking a deep breath of air. "This place has an oxygen
atmosphere."

"Shouldn't you have found that out before opening the door?" asked
Buster.

Proton was opening his mouth to make a disparaging comment about Buster's
parentage when a loud roar erupted from the jungle, and from its dank darkness
crawled a hideous creature! It had two heads, each of which had three gaping,
slobbering mouths! Its eyes waved horribly on the end of long stalks, poison
dripped from the claws of its twenty clutching hands, long tentacles slithered
from its slimy body. At the sight of this dreadful monstrosity, Constance
Goodheart sucked a great gulp of air into her impressive lungs to emit a long
loud__

"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed the
hideous alien, pointing at Constance with every one of its hundred and twenty
fingers.

But before the creature could flee, Captain Proton leaped fearlessly forward,
grabbed a thick red tentacle and shook it vigorously.

"I bring you greetings from the planet Earth!" he said. "We come in peace."

Proton jumped backwards as if he'd received an electric shock. He quickly
wiped his hand on his leather jacket.

"What rude creatures these off-worlders are!" said the alien's right head,
shuddering in disgust. "Doesn't the mere sight of them fill us with terror?
Look, they only have one head!"

"Speak for yourself!" replied Buster and Proton.

"We had hoped that a vessel from another world would bring beings like
ourselves," said the left head sadly. "I am the last of my kind, doomed to
perpetual loneliness. Why, after a thousand years of isolation, I've even begun
to talk to myself!"

"You've always talked to yourself," scoffed Right Head.

"No I haven't!" replied Left Head.

"Yes you have!"

"No I haven't!"

"Yes you have!"

"If you're the only one of your kind," Proton interrupted, sensing that this
argument might go on forever, "then who lives in that great crystal tower?"

"Other repulsive single-skulled organisms like yourselves. Listen! They come
now in their sky craft. I must flee!" And the hideous alien took off into the
jungle as fast as its fifty-five and a half legs could carry it.

It was then that Proton and his team heard an eerie humming sound that made
the hairs on the back of their necks stand up, as a shining silver disk floated
over the treetops. Standing upright on its gleaming surface were half a dozen
beautiful women! Their firm breasts strained to escape from their low-cut blue
tunics; their chiffon miniskirts fluttered in the slipstream, revealing
tantalising glimpses of matching space panties.

"Somehow I don't think the old 'steal their uniforms and infiltrate their
base' routine will work this time," muttered Buster, as the disk settled on the
ground in a swirl of dust.

The women stepped off the hoveraft and surrounded Proton and his crew as fast
as their high-heeled boots allowed. Each held a long silver rod, its tip glowing
with a ruby-red light.

"I am Princess Aylarna, Leader of the Queen's Amazonian Guard," said a short
brunette with fierce eyes. A gold tiara made her look as if she had curving
ridges on her forehead, emphasising her scowl. "Who dares despoil our planet
with the phallic arrogance of their tall rocket ship?"

Proton moved to stick out his hand, but the memory of his previous experience
made him change it to an awkward wave. "Hiya dolls, I'm Captain Proton of the
planet Earth. I come on behalf of all mankind."

The Venus women gasped at his words.

"Did you say Mankind?" cried Princess Aylarna. "Guards, seize them!
Bind their testicles so that their evil weapons cannot harm us! Drag them in
abject subjugation to the Fortress of Dildo!"

"Now hang on a minute, babe!" said Proton, reaching for his raygun. "Why
don't we knock off the Gestapo routine and discuss this in a civilised manner,
preferably over a candle-lit dinner for two__"

In reply Princess Aylarna raised her silver rod, and from its glowing tip
shot a beam of yellow light that enveloped the three space explorers. In an
instant Proton and his crew were frozen into immobility. No matter how much they
tried, they simply could not move!

CAN PROTON ESCAPE FROM THE CROTCHES...I MEAN CLUTCHES OF THE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN
OF VENUS? STAY TUNED FOR MORE THRILLING TALES OF WONDER AND EXCITEMENT!

But first, a word from our sponsors...

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And now, back to the studio!

WHEN LAST SEEN, CAPTAIN PROTON AND HIS TEAM HAD BEEN CAPTURED BY THE
BEAUTIFUL AMAZON WOMEN OF VENUS.

"I think...I can feel my limbs...getting some...sensation back," grunted
Proton, as they were dragged by the testicles down the crystal corridors of the
Fortress of Dildo.

"Is that good news or bad?" asked Buster, wincing at the sight of the guard's
long painted nails gripping his crotch.

"Grovel, man-creatures!" cried Princess Aylarna, cracking a whip against her
high-heeled jackboots. "You are about to enter the presence of her Royal
Thighness, Queen Sapphia!" The guards threw open the doors and they were shoved
bodily into an enormous amphitheatre. Its walls, roof and floor were polished
red crystal that glowed with an inner light. Not a decoration, engraving or
insignia marred that smooth surface. From a circular floor fifty feet in
diameter, it ascended on all sides in stepped ranks. On these steps were lined
thousands of guards, courtiers, functionaries, supplicants and dignitaries,
their brilliant tunics and exposed panties creating a blinding array of colour.

"My God!" gasped Constance. "They're all..."

"Women," said Proton. "Not a man in sight. Apparently this is a civilisation
without the need for sex."

"Civilisation without sex?" said Buster. "You call that civilisation?"

A loud tone echoed throughout the amphitheatre and, in a miracle never before
seen by any man of Earth, thousands of chattering women fell instantly silent!
To the grinding of ancient yet powerful machinery the floor split in two, its
halves sliding apart to reveal a dark, bottomless pit. From these depths rose an
incandescent throne of pure diamond, shaped like the delicate petals of a
woman's sex. Seated upon it in regal splendour was a short, middle-aged woman,
dressed in a metallic silver gown that showed off her majestic thighs and proud
cleavage. A high-backed collar framed an attractive face locked in a rigid mask
of command, fiery auburn hair piled in a tall beehive, and grey eyes as cold and
pitiless as space itself.

"ALL HAIL QUEEN SAPPHIA!" cried the assembled multitudes. "RULER OF THE
PLANET VENUS, GIVER OF PAIN AND PLEASURE, KEEPER OF THE NIPPLES OF POWER,
CRUSHER OF THE TESTICLES OF MARS!"

The Queen raised a hand for silence. Her throne floated through the air
towards the prisoners.

"Speak, Princess Aylarna. Who are these creatures who dared invade my realm?"

"They are Men, your Royal Loveliness."

A gasp of horror rippled throughout the amphitheatre.

"MEN?" cried the Queen, gripping the petals of her throne. "Have the minions
of Mars returned? They shall pay dearly for their arrogance! I shall crush their
gonads in my gauntleted fists! I shall impale their buttocks on my spike heels!
I shall cut off their dicks and have them tanned for use as dildo holsters!"

Buster promptly shit himself.

"They said they came while pissed with their planet's dirt," explained
Princess Aylarna.

"I said I came in peace from the planet Earth!" said Proton. "I am Captain
Proton, Spaceman First Class, protector of Earth, defender of the universe,
scourge of intergalactic evil, elite member of the Patrol Fleet of the
Incorporated Planets__"

"Insolent man-creature!" cried the Princess, kicking him in the bollocks.
"How dare you possess more titles than her Royal Lusciousness!"

"Earth...is that what you Men call it?" said the Queen contemptuously. "So
this is your pathetic response to my attack. A captain who dresses like a
participant in a Gay Mardi Gras, his space cadet of a boyfriend, and...what do
we have here?" She leaned forward in her throne, staring intently at Constance
Goodheart. "Have you ever seen such an impressive bosom, my subjects? Our
scientists told me that the women of the third planet were mere primitives,
still in the Kitchen Sink Age. But it appears they're more...developed than we
anticipated, heh heh. Come closer, my pretty pretty."

"Keep your hands off her, you evil fiend!" cried Buster.

In response Queen Sapphia yanked open the front of her gown, exposing a pair
of firm naked breasts tipped with glowing metallic nipples. Crimson beams of
light shot from her teats and engulfed Proton's sidekick.

"It shall be a historic occasion," said Queen Sapphia, ignoring her protest.
"A woman of Earth and a woman of Venus shall come together, again and again, in
royal matrimony."

"My God, Proton!" gasped Buster. "They're all lesbians!"

"Well what do you think we do for fun...macramé?" asked Queen Sapphia. "True,
long ago the Women of Venus and the Men of Mars lived side by side, like a pair
of succulent breasts in a well-filled brassiere. Together the two genders sowed
the seeds of life on your world. But Man became arrogant and sought dominion
over all Women. For centuries they ground us under their sweaty loins and forced
us to wash, iron, and swallow." The Queen's tits shook with anger at the
thought, making the entire royal court duck for cover. "What happened next is
lost in the mists of legend. We have only bits and pieces of information, but
what we know for certain is that at one point all Women were united in
celebration. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth...to A.I."

"Artificial Intelligence?"

"No, Artificial Insemination. In one fell stroke, Mankind became obsolete.
Why should we tolerate the supremacy of a gender that's only useful for moving
heavy pieces of furniture? Our sex rose up against their enslavement in a war
that lasted a thousand years! Only with my invention of the ultimate weapon, the
Beta Disintegrator, was I able to seize victory by rendering the entire planet
of Mars uninhabitable."

"Sounds to me like a classic case of Venus Envy," scoffed Proton. "Look at
all the great things mankind has achieved on Earth. War, crime, and lawyers have
been abolished. Every housewife has an automatic dishwashing robot. Atomic power
stations provide safe and efficient energy to billions. Computers are so
powerful that only five are needed worldwide. Hunger and famine have been
eliminated through the invention of Soylent Green. DDT has wiped out
malaria-carrying mosquitoes and those pesky birds that used to crap all over
everything. McDonalds franchises can be found everywhere from the Moon to the
bottom of the ocean. Why, we were making our first leap into interstellar space
by 1990!"

Raybeams blasted from the Queen's nuclear-powered nipples, striking Proton
right in the gonads. "You patriarchal pansy!" she raged. "How dare you imply
that your pathetic pack of furniture removalists is superior to Women! I shall
throw you to the Bore Worms for your insolence!"

"No, not the Bore Worms!" cried Constance. She frowned. "Er...what are
the Bore Worms?"

"The most boring creatures in existence," said Princess Aylarna. "They handle
all our legal affairs. Many have gone mad listening to their endless prattle.
But your Political Correctness, may I suggest a more insidious fate for these
Earth spies. Let me take them to the Succuba, so that their seed may be drained
to create our future generations."

"You make take this one," said the Queen, pointing at Buster Kincaid. "The
one known as Proton will be fed to the Giant Toothed Vagina of Freudian
Nightmares for his impertinence. As for the girl, since she appears to have no
mind of her own, let us give her one. Send for my Royal Cyber-Surgeon and
instruct her to prepare the brain implants."

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed
Constance as she was dragged off.

"And tell her to do something about that damn screaming!"

WHAT DIRE DESTINY AWAITS CONSTANCE GOODHEART AT THE DREADED DILDO OF HER
ROYAL DYKENESS? WILL CAPTAIN PROTON FINALLY MEET HIS DOOM AT THE TERRIBLE TEETH
OF THE TOOTHED TWAT? WILL BUSTER BE SUCKED DRY BY THE SINISTER SUCCUBUS...AND
DOES HE CARE? STAY TUNED FOR MORE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

Good evening Mr and Mrs North America, here is the news. Great Britain
declares that the partitioning of Palestine will create peace in the Middle
East. The War Department has announced that aircraft will play no major role in
future conflicts, and anyone who says otherwise will be court-martialed. German
Chancellor Adolf Hitler claims he has no designs on Europe, as his panzer tanks
are just made out of cardboard. And in a bulletin just in, J. Edgar Hoover says
that the FBI has foiled a plot by communist sailors to 'paint the town red'. And
now, back to the studio.

Cyber-Surgeon Seska was a sinister-looking redhead in a black latex bodysuit
and enormous earmuffs. She hovered over a stainless steel gynecology table on
which Constance Goodheart was bound. At first glance Proton's secretary appeared
to have been sprayed with silver body paint, but she was actually dressed in a
skintight crotchless catsuit.

"Greetings, Degenerate One," said Seska sycophantically. "The air itself
seems to vibrate in your presence."

Sapphia frowned, pressing a large red button on her Battle Panties. A hatch
sprang open in the crotch. She reached in and switched something off with an
audible click.

"Sorry about that. Now, how are you progressing with the Earthling female?
And why are you wearing those ridiculous earmuffs?"

It was at that moment that Constance opened her eyes to see the Queen
standing over her.

"It appears to be some kind of sonic defence mechanism," said Seska.
"Apparently these Earthlings are more formidable than we anticipated. For
instance, when I used the Brain Probe to examine her mind, all I came up with
was a complete blank!"

"What have you done to me?" gasped Constance Goodheart, trying to peer
over her mammarial mountain range at her cling-wrapped body.

The Queen and her Cyber-Surgeon laughed wickedly.

"We have improved you, my Bountiful-Chested One," purred Seska. "Your
mind and body have been implanted with numerous robotic pleasure devices, so
that you may better service the insatiable needs of her Royal Succulence. Allow
me to demonstrate."

Seska turned a dial on a box she was holding, and the catsuit began to
radiate a blue aura. Constance could not restrain a low moan of ecstasy. It felt
like waves of pleasure were bombarding her body from all directions.

"Enjoying yourself, my dear? That is merely the lowest setting." Seska gave
the dial a savage twist.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried Constance,
thrashing wildly against her restraints. The fabric over her breasts tightened
from the sudden extrusion of her robotic nipples.

"Oh very nice!" said the Queen, applauding loudly. "What other
sweeteners have you added to this delectable creature?"

"First, I enhanced her brain with a cortical computer programmed with
intimate knowledge of the Eight Hundred and Forty-Seven Sexual Positions
developed by your Love Laboratories. Next, I gave her a cybernetic tongue with a
variable stroke rate of 1-1000 licks per second! That exoskeleton on her hand
converts her fingers into self-guiding autonomous vibrators with built-in G-spot
assimilation. After that I spent hours shaving the curly blonde hairs from
around her vagina, inserting glands that secrete aphrodisiacal lubricants in
five different flavours. Then I spread my legs on the nearest table and pushed a
thick rubber probe up my cunt."

The Queen frowned. "How did that improve her body?"

"It didn't. By that stage I just had to get off."

"You'll never get away with this!" gasped Constance, her monumental bosom
heaving with sexual exertion. "Captain Proton will save me, and put an end to
your evil reign!"

"How dare you call on a Man to rescue you from my carnal appetites!" cried
the Queen. "Hold your tongue unless it is being used to lick my lunchbox!"

"Or what?" scoffed the blonde beauty. "You'll eat my pussy?"

"Noooo," said the Queen, smirking sinisterly. "My pussy will eat you! Even as
we speak Captain Proton is being devoured by my Muff Monster, while your world
crumbles to rubble under the blasts of my Beta Disintegrator." Sapphia raised
her eyes to the ceiling, as if she could see across the vastness of space to the
ruined cities of Earth. "It's like I can feel that blue globe being squeezed in
my hands," she said, unaware she was actually fondling Constance's left tit. "Ohhhh
yes, let me clutch it! I can feel it so bad I want to taste it__"

"How dare you disturb the Queen when she is having an affair...of State!"
cried Sapphia.

"Your Lewdness," growled Aylarna, her dark eyes flaring at the sight of the
Queen copping a feel of the Earth chick. "Proton has escaped!"

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!" cried
Sapphia. "How dare you let yourself be outwitted by that walking dildo! How did
this happen?"

"It appears that Proton broke out of his cell using the hardest substance
known to science...his penis! Then he clubbed the sentries unconscious with his
enormous donger, blocked the entrance to the guard quarters with heavy
furniture, and used his jockstrap as an improvised catapult to fling himself
over the prison walls and into the Golden Jungle."

"But was he not devoured by the Giant Toothed Vagina? And why did you not
pursue him?"

"Your Muff Monster is a lesbian, remember? It doesn't eat guys. And have you
ever tried chasing someone in these stupid high heels?"

Sapphia's breastplate burst apart from the binary blasts of her Nipples of
Power.

"You moronic muff-muncher!" she raged, as Aylarna writhed under her pain
beams. "To think I once let you munch my unmentionables! You are to gather your
fiercest bull dykes and hunt Proton through the jungle like the crab louse he
is!"

"But my Queen," gasped Aylarna. "The Golden Jungle is the realm of our sworn
enemies - the Wood Nymphs!" She screamed as the Queen gave her another blast.

"Are you frightened of a few treehuggers?" raged Sapphia. "I want Proton's
head and testicles decorating my halls by sundown, or so help me I will do
things to your ovaries not even grey alien abductors would contemplate!"

"Is that an Earth sundown or a Venus sundown?" asked Seska. "Because sundown
on Venus only occurs once every 243 Earth days__"

"How dare you let scientific accuracy get in the way of my evil ranting!"
shouted the Queen. "Get out the pair of you!"

Her eyes blazing fiercely, Sapphia turned on her bound captive. Constance
shivered in fear as she saw the remote control box clutched in the Queen's
black-gloved hand.

The racks shunted back into the walls as Sapphia strode across the chamber to
a long tank filled with green slimy liquid. Without hesitation she plunged her
hand into its dank depths, pulling out a struggling, snakelike creature. It had
a sinuous black body dimpled with concentric circular ridges, and long sensuous
feelers instead of eyes.

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed
Constance, as the Queen advanced towards her, the serpent writhing against her
tight grip.

"Oh you'll be screaming a lot louder than that, my dear. This creature is
called a Vaginasaur. Note how it secretes an oily lubricant in an attempt to
escape my hold. Soon it will flee down the first moist, dark hole it senses,
calling for help by means of strong ultrasonic vibrations. The more you
struggle, the more it writhes inside your body, the more lubricant it produces,
the stronger the vibrations, until you achieve an endless cycle of orgasmic
pleasure!"

Suddenly the vaginasaur spurted out of Sapphia's hands, slithering with
single-minded purpose over the bound body of Constance Goodheart. Instinctively
it made for the union of her long lithe legs, splayed and vulnerable to
invasion. Constance's eyes shot wide open as she felt the creature nuzzle its
bulbous head against her sex, its delicate feelers stroking the ultra-sensitive
surfaces of her thighs. With a single thrust of its powerful peristaltic
muscles, the vaginasaur thrust itself right up the full length of her hot wet__

AND THAT'S ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR BOYS AND GIRLS! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER
EXCITING CHAPTER IN...CAPTAIN PROTON AND THE NAKED NYMPHOMANIACS!

THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

CHAPTER 70: NAKED NYMPHOMANIACS!

(This episode is sponsored by the American Asbestos Corporation. Did you know
that asbestos, due to its excellent fire resistant qualities, is used in public
and private buildings throughout our great country? Asbestos - serving the
long-term health and safety of all Americans!)

WHEN LAST SEEN, PROTON WAS FLEEING THROUGH THE SWELTERING JUNGLES OF VENUS,
PURSUED BY THE AMAZON WARRIORS OF THE EVIL QUEEN SAPPHIA!

Captain Proton struggled through the tangled undergrowth as the sounds of
pursuit grew ever closer. Sweat saturated his turtleneck pullover and ruined his
dashing haircut. His boots caught on pink, fleshy creepers and sank deep into
the boggy ground. He could hear the eerie cries of alien birds flitting through
the trees, the hunting calls of savage predators, the lowing of the Queen's bull
dykes.

'It's no use,' Proton thought. 'They're catching up with me. I've got
to stand and fight...but with what?'

He seized a thick branch on the nearest tree. It was soft and pliant, not
hard and brittle like those of Earth. It bent and stretched under his grip, but
would not break off! Desperately, Proton grabbed a thinner branch and yanked on
it with all his might.

"OW!"

To Proton's shock, he realised he was holding the arm of young girl! She had
elf-like ears, small pert breasts, and eyes as large and luminous as those of a
Japanese manga heroine. Her pink skin and short bob of blonde hair exactly
matched the colours of the tree she'd been hiding in. The only thing she wore
were a pair of handmade leather boots that reached up to her knees, and an
equipment belt wrapped around her tiny waist. Her gear was a curious mix; a
blowgun and quiver of bone darts hung alongside an electronic proximity
detector. Its battered metal casing was marked with faded ideographs that Proton
had last seen on the ancient ruins of Mars.

"Some othertime!" said Proton, frantically trying to stuff a massive
erection back into his tight trousers.

"No, come!" said Kis, gently tugging on his penis. "Come with me, now!"

Proton stumbled after Kis as she led him by the dick into a grove of
bizarre-looking trees. Their trunks resembled squat fat jugs, each narrowing
into a single fleshy branch topped by a man-sized bulb. They produced a
pleasant, albeit alien fragrance.

"Don't touch the roots," whispered Kis.

Proton looked down and saw a thick tangle of roots sprawling out from the
base of each tree. Abandoning his struggles with his fly, he placed his feet
carefully between them. "Why? What would happen if..." He looked up. "Kis?"

The girl had vanished into thin air.

"Uh oh. I've got a bad feeling about this."

With a ferocious roar two huge women burst through the trees. They had beards
like buffaloes, more muscles than the Governor of California, and two great
horns sticking out of their heads. At the sight of Proton's exposed cock, one of
the bull dykes gave a loud snort of derision.

"Is that supposed to impress me?" she said. "Well my horns are
bigger!"

"Come on, let's get this over with," said the other, strapping on an Anal
Invader of terrifying proportions. "You hold him down and I'll fuck him."

"We've no time for the usual execution rites," said a familiar voice. Proton
spun round to find Aylarna pointing her power rod at his prostate gland. "The
Wood Nymphs could be here any minute. You may have come in peace, Proton, but
you'll be going back in pieces! Goodbye, and Good Riddance!"

WILL PROTON'S BALLS HANG FROM THE WALLS OF THE QUEEN'S HALLS? WILL AYLARNA
MAKE A TROPHY OF PROTON'S BANANA? IS CONSTANCE FATED TO BECOME THE QUEEN'S CUNT-EATING
CONCUBINE? DOES THE CRYPTIC KIS SWALLOW WHEN SHE...AH BUGGER IT, LET'S GET ON
WITH THE STORY.

The tip of Princess Aylarna's power rod was a glaring red eye as she prepared
to blast Proton into oblivion. The bull dykes gathered close, snorting and
pawing the ground in anticipation.

One of their hooves struck a root.

With an ear-splitting screech, the trees exploded into violent motion! Their
bulbs split apart into hundreds of tentacles, rimming ghastly mouths lined with
endless spirals of teeth. In a whiplike motion they reached down and seized the
nearest bull dyke. Red light blasted from Aylarna's power rod, scorching away
fibrous chunks of the carnivorous creatures, but it was too late. The bull dyke
barely had time to bellow before she was devoured. Even as Proton watched,
another plant swooped down on the princess from behind and lifted her into the
air, legs kicking helplessly. The other bull dyke turned to flee, but two darts
sprouted from her chest, and she fell lifeless to the ground.

Proton grabbed Aylarna's power rod from where it had fallen. Stepping between
the roots, he advanced on the plant which had seized the princess. "Let her go,
you overgrown stick of celery!"

Aylarna was cursing in Low Genitalese as she struggled with the tentacles
that gripped her body. Slowly but surely, she was being pulled into that hideous
maw.

Proton shook off Kis' hand. He twisted the base of the power rod until its
tip glowed bright blue. Desperately hoping he had the right setting, Proton
pointed the weapon and squeezed the handle.

A blue beam shot out and enveloped the predacious plant like an amorphous
blanket. The tree shuddered, its tentacles went slack and Aylarna dropped to the
ground with a bone-jarring thud. Proton swept the beam across the grove. The
other plants shook as if in ecstasy, their bulbs closing tight and becoming
still once more.

"What...on Venus...did you do...that for?" groaned Aylarna.

"It's called Humanity," said Proton, as he checked her for injuries.

"I might have known the word 'man' would be in there somewhere." Aylarna
looked past his shoulder and abruptly stiffened.

Proton turned to find a dozen beautiful naked nymphs, all with pink skin,
blonde hair and cute pointed ears, aiming a small arsenal of weaponry at them.

Proton sighed, raised his hands, and gave the Authorised First Contact
Protocol of the Patrol Fleet of the Incorporated Planets.

"OK dolls. Take me to your leader."

Buster Kincaid awoke to find himself naked and bound with steel shackles to a
shiny metal platform. Two identical beauties, in five-inch heels and white lab
coats that barely covered the bold thrust of their foxy asses, hovered over him
with ravenous looks in their eyes.

"Greetings, Man of Earth," purred one of them. "I am Megii, and this is my
twin sister Jenii. We are the Succubus."

"Torture me all you want!" declared Buster bravely. "You can whip me, beat
me, subject me to more sexual humiliation than a detainee in Abu Ghraib jail,
but I'll never crack!"

"Ohhhh, but it's not information we want," purred Jenii, stroking a long
painted fingernail down the length of his chest.

"We require your Manseed," said Megii. "We shall drain you of the essence
from which all life springs. Your death will be the most exquisite demise
imaginable."

"You'll be our puppet," said Jenii.

"Our slave."

"By the time we're through with you, you'll be begging to give us
everything you can blow."

"Errrr...my mother told me never to have unprotected sex with strangers!"
stammered Buster.

"What protection do you require?" asked Jenii, as her hand slid down to
encircle his cock.

"Nuclear weapons!"

The twins laughed, licking their carmine lips with tongues made long and
limber through generations of evolved cunnilinguists. Cackling evilly, they
attached an anaconda-sized suction tube to his penis. Desperately Buster recited
the mantra learned by all space cadets at the Interplanetary Patrol Academy.

"I must drink beer. Beer is the mind killer. Beer brings the hangover that
causes total obliteration. I will scull my beer. I will let it pass through me,
till only urine remains!"

It was no use. His cock stirred like a rousing serpent as Megii and Jenii
slipped off their lab coats to reveal their sheer white stockings and lace-edged
suspenders. Tantalising wisps of dark pubic hair curled over the top of skimpy
pink panties, and three-inch nipples sprung from the tips of their bare naked
breasts.

Buster shut his eyes tight. "The procedure for assembling a General Dynamics
Class IV Rocket Engine is as follows: Insert the long tribanium rod into the
moist cunt...I mean the Moise-Carver termination socket. Do not attempt to force
the rod if it becomes stuck, but instead come, I mean coat the rod in
ejaculate...ejection lubricant in order to ease its passage into the
tight hole__"

A loud moan made him open his eyes again. Megii had her sister up on the
table next to him, her legs spread wider than the far reaches of the universe.
They were committing an act of incest so perverted not even mad Roman Emperors
would have considered it.

"The President of Earth naked!" babbled Buster. "The cold depths of space,
ahhh...the Giant Toothed Vagina of Freudian Nightmares! The Slime-Dripping
Sludge Monster of Stenchia III!"

"His will is strong," said Megii, as she came up for air. "Or he's a complete
limp dick; it matters little. We shall delve into the dark realms of his hidden
desires and awake his most perverted fantasies. Bring me the brain probe!"

"The what?" asked Jenii, a glazed look in her eyes.

"The brain probe, you insolent fool!"

"Oh right," said Jenii. "Is that the one you stuck up my (CENSORED)?"

"No you dimwitted dildo, it's the one you used to rub my (CENSORED) as I
stuck my tongue up your (CENSORED) while simultaneously inserting a (CENSORED)
up your (CENSORED), you (CENSORED) (CENSORED) (CENSORED)!"

Jenii rummaged through a box containing more probes than the entire Mariner
space program.

"Here we are," she said triumphantly. She wiped off the lubricant and began
to insert the probe into Buster's left ear.

"ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Buster, who felt as if his
whole head was being readied for spit-roasting.

"Stop complaining!" said Megii. "If we followed tradition we'd be sticking
this probe up your__"

Buster was walking in an open field.

It was the field on which they'd first landed on Venus. The wind ruffled the
blue grass, the blonde leaves of the trees, the sandy-blond hair of Captain
Proton as they strode back to their rocket ship. It stood tall and proud, a
symbol of the technical superiority of mankind, pointing the way back to Earth.

"What happened?" asked Buster, looking around confused.

"Don't you remember?" said Proton, smiling warmly at him.

"The last thing I remember..." Buster frowned. "I was being prick-teased...I
mean tortured by the Succubus."

"The Brain Probe must have damaged your memory," said Proton, placing a
comforting arm around his shoulder. "You held out for days until I was able to
rescue you. You're a real trooper, Kincaid. One of the best."

The praise made Buster's heart swell. "We saved Earth again, I take it?"

"Of course. Queen Sapphia has been defeated and her Beta Disintegrator
destroyed. And it's all thanks to you." Proton opened the hatch and stepped
inside, Buster following like an eager puppy.

"Where's Constance?"

"I sent her to powder her nose for a few hours," said Proton, bending over an
instrument panel. "We don't want to be disturbed."

"Err...disturbed?" asked Buster, his breath catching. His captain's trousers
had pulled tight into the twin mounds of his ass.

"Yes," said Proton, smiling over his shoulder at him. "Now's your chance to
show me why they call you Buster."

MEANWHILE, BACK IN THE GOLDEN JUNGLE, CAPTAIN PROTON WAS INTRODUCING PRINCESS
AYLARNA TO AN OLD EARTH CUSTOM.

"Well I must admit," said Aylarna as she licked mayonnaise off her fingers.
"Up till now I always thought the only thing you Men could invent was a better
furniture dolly."

They were sitting on the banks of a glittering purple stream. Naked nymphs
sang in alluring tones as they bathed in the cool waters, soaping each other's
slim, nubile bodies. Others gathered flowers to garland their hair, or tasty
mushrooms which made them stare into space with rapt expressions on their faces.

"I don't see your problem," said Proton. "They seem quite beautiful to me. A
people in harmony with nature."

Aylarna shot a contemptuous look over her shoulder. Two Wood Nymphs were
standing a few feet away, pointing rayguns that showed clear signs of age at her
head.

"They're traitors," she said. "In the War Between the Sexes the Nymphomaniacs
fought on the side of Mars. They worship Men and those built-in dildos you've
got swinging between your legs. So if you play your cards right, you could spend
the rest of your life here coming on behalf of all Mankind."

"I'll take a raincheck, seeing as that maniac queen of yours is trying to
wipe out my entire planet. What I don't understand is why you're helping her do
it."

Proton looked up as Kis approached, her eyes demurely downcast so she could
check out his crotch. "The Divine Prophetess Chukotai has arrived, Mighty
Proton. She wishes to speak to you."

"Her too," said Proton, pointing at Aylarna.

"As you wish, your Incredible Hardness."

Aylarna rolled her eyes in disgust, muttering something about a fish without
a bicycle.

Kis led them down a winding path to a large clearing in the midst of the
jungle. Broad-leafed tree canopies had interwoven with a net of climbing vines
to form a great bower, concealing them from airborne eyes. The only object
inside the clearing was a single stone chair, shaped like a man's erect penis. A
woman clothed in white body paint was seated in the pouch of its scrotum. She
wore a wooden mask carved to resemble the square-jawed features of a handsome
male warrior, his forehead marked by tattooed words in ancient Martian: 'Death
Before Dildos'. Hundreds of Wood Nymphs were gathered in the branches of the
surrounding trees, staring at Proton with reverence and Aylarna with hatred.

"It was said that a Man would come." The voice from behind the mask was soft,
yet carried an unmistakable authority.

"A Man would Come," repeated the Nymphs, shivering with pleasure over the
last word.

"It was said that a Man would come, tall and handsome like the Heroes of
Mars, girded with a mighty weapon between his legs. A Man who would restore Man
to his rightful supremacy. A Man who would lead us to victory over the evil
forces of Amazonia. And so a Man has come."

"A Man has Come."

"Captain Proton, the Nymphomaniacs of the Wood are ready and willing to
assist the armies of Planet Earth. We greet you with open arms and legs.
Together we will destroy the terrible Queen Sapphia and all those who go
down...I mean bow down before her."

"Down with the Fortress of Dildo!" cried the Wood Nymphs. "Up the Erections
of Earth!"

"Now hold on a minute," said Proton. "I think there's been a
misunderstanding. I was sent here to stop the attacks on my planet, not lead an
invasion. Where I come from we've learned to settle our disputes peacefully."

"There can be no peace between Amazons and Nymphs," said the Divine
Prophetess Chukotai. "They worship at the Altar of Hymen, we kneel before the
Great Woody. We eat corn the long way, they drink from the fuzzy cup of love.
The shadow of the Fortress of Dildo lies like a harbinger of death over our
beautiful Golden Jungle. Even as we speak, trees are being cut down to fuel the
insatiable appetites of Queen Sapphia's industrial machine. When our jungle has
been shaved bare, the Wood Nymphs will be erased from the face of this planet as
if they had never existed."

"And it's no more than you deserve, you treacherous fellatio fanatics!"
shouted Aylarna. "When Queen Sapphia finds out I've been captured__"

"Your Queen has abandoned you," said Chukotai. "Sapphia has announced her
union with the Earthling Constance Goodheart. She is to be her Seventh bride."

"What?" gasped Aylarna. "You mean...I've been tossed over, just because
Sapphia wants the title role in I Married A Pair of Mammary Glands From Outer
Space?"

"Happens all the time," said Proton. "Look dolls, let's get one thing
straight. There's no way I'm starting another thousand year war between the
sexes. I'm here to destroy the Queen's Beta Disintegrator, and that's it! Are
you going to help me or not?"

"But your Longness," said Kis. "We would gladly assist you, but the few
rayguns we have are obsolete. Without new weapons from Earth our people will be
massacred. We no longer have the technology to build more."

"You could always try feeding some trees to a furnace or two," muttered
Aylarna. Proton gave her a sharp kick on the ankle.

"Actually, I know just the man to help you," he said. "Ladies and er...ladies,
I would like to introduce the greatest scientist our planet has ever produced.
Five time winner of the Galactic Star, internationally famous opera singer,
writer of several best-selling holographic novels (plus some rather embarrassing
love sonnets) and a pretty competent doctor as well, though he's always denied
it since Dr Chaotica discredited the profession. I give you...the President of
Earth!"

Proton pushed a button on his chest-mounted control panel. To the stirring
strains of 'Hail to the Chief' a single photon flared into life. Then another,
followed by thousands more. Optronic pathways connected, subroutines emerged
from the chaos, and before the startled gaze of the Venusians, a fully sentient
hologram of the President of Earth was born. It was precise in every detail: the
permanent frown, the wireframe glasses, the solar-powered head. The Wood Nymphs
dropped to their knees in awe.

"Well really," scoffed Aylarna. "Just because he looks like a dick..."

"Please state the nature of the sexual emergency," said the holographic
President. "Impotence, eh? Then Extra-Strength Viagra is the answer to your
prayers!"

"Oh not again!" said Proton. He twisted a dial, making the hologram
crackle like a badly tuned radio.

"Nine out of ten doctors report massive hard-ons...unimpeachable
performance...read my lips, no new taxes...help me obi-wan kenobi, you're my
only hope...I did not have sex with that woman...err, Citizens of Venus, I
bring you greetings from the planet Earth!"

"Mr President," said Proton. "Have you been monitoring the situation?"

"Of course," said the hologram snootily. "While you've been carrying out your
continuing mission to explore strange new girls, I have been more
productively engaged in analysing that weapon you captured from the
Princess. It appears to work by means of a Trenasian crystal that amplifies a
coherent stream of monochromatic light while simultaneously adjusting the
amplitude__" The President stopped when he realised everyone was staring blankly
at him.

"It's a raygun, OK?"

"Can you build similar weapons with the resources we have here?" asked
Proton.

"I'm a scientist, not a miracle worker. However, as you've noticed, the
raybeam of these weapons can be modulated to produce different effects -
immobilisation, pain, disintegration, even pleasure. Now I can't deflect these
beams, but I can adjust their amplitude to make them less deadly. What you need
is the Trenasian crystal from the Destructo Beam on your rocket ship, which you
can then use to construct a Photo-Stimulated Non-coherent Diametrical Resonating
Field Amplitude Modifier."

"Is that difficult to make?" asked Kis, her eyes wide as always.

"No, but it was bloody difficult to say."

"But a device like that would have a limited range," said Proton. "And
there's only one Trenasian crystal on board my rocket ship."

The President rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Must I think of everything,
Proton? The Fortress of Dildo is made of Trenasian crystal. I'm a
politician (not a doctor of sociology), but didn't you find it odd that a
culture which despises all forms of patriarchy would built such a blatantly
phallic structure?"

"The Queen's Beta Disintegrator!"

"Exactly. The so-called Fortress of Dildo is actually a device for focusing
the energies of this world. I hypothesize that it was originally designed to
power the Contraceptive Shield that protects Venusians from their hostile
atmosphere. It was Queen Sapphia who realised its potential as a weapon of mass
destruction."

"Then we can't destroy it," said Proton.

"No. You'd collapse the Shield and kill every living thing on Venus. However,
we can use this weapon against itself. By placing the Photo-Stimulated
Non-coherent Diamet...the whatsit at the focal point of the beam, its effects
will resonate throughout the crystal structure of the fortress. That should
render all weapons in the vicinity impotent. And before you ask," he said, as
Proton opened his mouth again, "from the shape of its construction, I'd say the
focal point is the amphitheatre where you first met the Queen."

"There is a problem, your Baldness," said Chukotai. "Proton's rocket ship has
been hidden away in the Royal Labia-rinth, where it is guarded by the Hideous
Gobblsnutch."

A shiver of fear rippled through the Nymphs like a collective orgasm.

"And what," asked Proton, "is a Hideous Gobblsnutch?"

"A dreadful creature," gasped Kis, her eyes widening so much they met in the
middle of her face. "It has two heads, six gaping slobbering mouths, twenty
clutching hands with poisonous claws, eyes on long stalks__"

"Oh, THAT Hideous Gobblsnutch."

"Oh no, it's you again," said the Right Head of the Hideous
Gobblsnutch. "Proton the Penis-Puller."

"I've come to offer you a proposition," said Proton, holding his nose against
the repellant stink of the Labia-rinth. "God, when was the last time this place
had a douche?"

"If you can't appreciate my cologne, then leave," said Right Head. "And you
can stick your proposition up your solitary orifice. We're not interested in
gold, fine jewels, or sacrifices of beautiful virgin dragons."

"The only reason that Sapphia bitch leaves us alone is because we keep out
unwanted guests," said Left Head. "So shoo!"

"When we first met you said you were the last of your kind," said Proton.
"That you hoped to meet other beings like yourself."

"Did I say that?" asked Right Head.

"No, that was me," said Left Head.

"You are me!"

"In my adventures I have traveled throughout the galaxy," continued Proton.
"I have sailed the canals of Mars, skirted the rings of Saturn, battled the foul
stench of Uranus__"

"That's not the galaxy, that's only the solar system!"

"Whatever. The point is, in my travels I have encountered many hideous...I
mean handsome creatures like yourself. If you show me where the Queen's hidden
my rocket ship, I can take you off this planet to any place you wish."

"Ohhhh, I don't know..." said Left Head, quivering with fear and
indecision.

"Ohhhh, they sound gorgeous," said Left Head. "Will you set up a
date?"

"I'll even chaperone."

"It's a deal!" said both heads simultaneously. The Hideous Gobblsnutch
extended a thick tentacle. "Shake on it?"

"That's your penis," said Proton dryly.

"Just kidding."

CAN PROTON LIVE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SOMEONE'S DICK IS BIGGER THAN HIS?
CAN CONSTANCE BE SAVED FROM MUFF-MUNCHING MATRIMONY? WILL BUSTER SUCCEED IN
BUSTING OUT OF THE CLOSET? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT EXCITING CHAPTER...CAPTAIN
PROTON AND THE DILDO OF DOOM!

THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN PROTON!

CHAPTER 71: DILDO OF DOOM!

(This episode is sponsored by Delta Coffee. Do you feel like the woes of over
a hundred people are resting on your shoulders? Are you stranded so far from
home it'll take an eternity to get back? Is your sex life a mere memory, and
your personality changing from one week to the next? Well a nice, soothing,
triple-strength mug of Delta will cure all your ills! One swig will have you
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Throbbing with an elemental force, the phallic fastness of the Fortress of
Dildo thrust its way into the Venusian sky. Its crystal surfaces glowed with
power, casting a blood-red light over the crouching forms of Proton, Aylarna,
and the Wood Nymphs. They were hidden in the undergrowth at the edge of the
Golden Jungle. Proton had retrieved several rayguns from his rocket ship, but
most of the Nymphs were still armed with their antiquated beam weapons, or
primitive blowguns.

Proton hefted his rocket pack. "Remember Kis, no heroics; that's my
department. You've only got to draw the guards out of the fortress while I plant
the President's device."

Kis placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, and a groping hand on his buttocks.
"Be careful."

Proton grinned. "Where's the fun in that?" He turned to Princess Aylarna and
sliced through her bonds with a knife. There was a collective gasp amongst the
Nymphs as he held out a power rod. "I'll have a better chance of success if I
take someone who knows the layout of that place."

Aylarna made no effort to take back her weapon. "Why should I help save your
male chauvinist planet?"

"Because there are billions of women on Earth," said Proton. "Of all
different races, creeds and bra sizes, living and co-existing with men.
That's what your Queen Sapphia finds so threatening. Should they die because
of her hatred?"

Aylarna stared at him for a long moment, then reached out and took the power
rod. "Alright," she said reluctantly, "but don't expect me to do the mopping
up!"

Proton pulled his aviator goggles down over his eyes. "OK babe, just wrap
your arms around me and hold on, 'cause we're going for one hell of a ride."

"I've heard that one before," muttered Aylarna, hugging him tight.

Smoke and flame belched from the nozzles of Proton's rocket pack, and with a
deafening roar they blasted into the air.

"Dammit Proton, your control knobs are digging into my tits!" yelled Aylarna,
as they rocketed towards the top of the Fortress of Dildo.

"You think you've got problems? My ass is being roasted like a
Christmas turkey!" He peered ahead at the onrushing face of the colossus. "Hold
on, I'm aiming for the last window on the left!"

"Are you crazy? You're going to fly through a plate glass window at 100 miles
an hour?"

"Sure doll, happens all the TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!" In a deafening
explosion of glass they smashed through, ricocheting around the room like a
manic pinball.

"Turn the (CENSORED) rockets off!" screamed Aylarna, as her head smacked
into a wall for the third time.

"I can't get my hand past your (CENSORED) tits!" shouted Proton. With an
almighty sploosh! they landed right in the middle of an enormous vat of
sticky white fluid.

"What the hell is this stuff?" asked Aylarna, wiping the glutinous
substance from her face. "Mayonnaise?"

"Errr, I don't think it's mayonnaise, exactly..."

Two identical pretty heads appeared over the edge of the vat, pouting in
fury.

"WHAT?" said Proton, spitting semen from his mouth. "You mean I'm swimming
around in Buster's cum?" He whipped out a sperm-soaked weapon of formidable
dimensions. "Release him at once, you Binary Bitches of Badness!"

"It's not a hairdryer!" snapped Proton. "This is a Mark Five Xendrahernion-Powered
Thermonuclear Hand Cannon!" He pressed the firing stud and a blast of hot air
erupted from its nozzle.

"It's a hairdryer," said Aylarna dryly.

"Damn Constance! Why must she always stash her stuff in the arms locker?"

"Such a handsome specimen," sighed Jenii.

"Yes, it's a shame we have to kill him!" purred Megii, as she aimed
her power rod.

Aylarna quickly shoved down the nozzle of Constance's hairdryer. A great
shower of semen blasted against the sides of the vat, spraying into the faces of
Megii and Jenii. They reeled backwards at this unexpected facial, struggling to
wipe the sticky fluid from their eyes. Proton and Aylarna leaped from the vat,
and in a flurry of fisticuffs knocked the terrible twins unconscious.

Captain Proton rushed to the table on which his loyal sidekick was bound.
"Buster, are you OK? What did those fiends do to you?"

"Proton?" asked Kincaid in a quavering voice. His hair had turned grey and
ten years had been added to his face. "Is it really you?"

"Errr...I guess whatever they did to him must be, er...affecting his brain!"
stammered Proton. "I'm really not into that sort of thing!"

"Yeah right," scoffed Aylarna. "Strutting around in a leather jacket and
tight pants, armed with a big hairdryer. We all know which side your bread's
buttered on!"

Clasping the power rods they'd taken from the Succubus, Proton and Buster
crept into the amphitheatre of the Fortress of Dildo. Aylarna followed holding
the Photo-Stimulated Non-coherent Diamet...the whatever-it-was in her hands.

"Where is everyone?" asked Buster, looking around the rows of concentric
seats. "Didn't you say something about a royal wedding?"

"Sapphia must be preparing to fire the Beta Disintegrator," said Aylarna.
"It's as your President said; this place is a focal point for the energies of an
entire planet. Anyone standing here when the weapon was fired would be killed."

"Obliterated, actually," said an all-too familiar voice.

The three intruders looked up in shock. Hovering above them in her diamond
throne was Queen Sapphia herself, looking every inch the supervillain as she sat
stroking her pussy. Her titanium battle armour gleamed in the light of the
power-charged walls.

"The jig's up, your Majesty!" said Proton, pointing his weapon at her. "In
the name of the Patrol Fleet of the Incorporated Planets, I demand you renounce
the use of weapons of mass destruction, sign a comprehensive environmental
protection treaty with the Wood Nymphs, make a formal expression of regret for
the Martian genocide, and give up your autocratic rule for a constitutional
democracy incorporating elected representatives from all previously
disenfranchised sexualities and genders."

"Anything else?" asked the Queen sarcastically.

"Nah, that'll do for the moment."

"You underestimate the power of the Dyke Side!" snarled Sapphia, clenching a
leather-clad fist. "Your feeble efforts are nothing but cuntlicks to me. Even as
we speak, my Amazons are exterminating the hated Nymphs once and for all.
Princess Aylarna will suffer the Death of a Thousand Penetrations for her
treachery. And as for you, Proton...I have an old acquaintance who'd like to see
you again. You may come in, my Edible One."

A door on the opposite side of the amphitheatre slid open and Constance
Goodheart entered, her high-heeled boots clicking on the crystal floor. Proton
and Buster gasped at the changes made to their beautiful secretary. Her golden
hair was done up in a tight pleat behind her neck. A silver bodysuit clung to
her curves like a Grand Prix racing driver. Robotic implants encircled her left
eye and hand. She clasped a power rod like a staff of office.

"Constance!" cried Buster, rushing forwards.

Constance raised her power rod. Red light blasted from its tip, striking
Buster in the chest. He crumpled to the floor, limbs twitching.

"My designation is Seventh of Mine," she said coldly. "Resistance is futile.
You will be castrated."

"Out of my way, Proton!" snarled Aylarna. "I've got a score to settle with
Busty the Vamp-Screwer here." The princess drew her power rod from her belt and
advanced on Constance. "OK bitch, we'll see whose tits are real." A scarlet beam
streaked out, aimed right at those hated breasts. "Take that, Twin Peaks of
Evil!"

But instead of writhing in pain, an unmistakable cry of pleasure erupted from
the blonde beauty. She seized her breasts in her hands, massaging them
violently.

"Your attempts...to harm me...are inefficient!" gasped Constance. She fired
her rod again, this time striking Aylarna between the legs. "You will
be...stimulated!"

"OOOOOHHHHHH!" moaned the princess, as her powder blue panties flashflooded.
"You'll have...to do better...Bimbo-Borg!" Another beam shot out, and
Constance's catsuit burst apart from the instantaneous protrusion of her cyborg
nipples.

"There's one force in the universe even you cannot defeat, Proton!" said
Queen Sapphia. "You escaped my Toothed Vagina, but you won't survive this!"

A loud tone echoed throughout the gallery and the circular floor began to
slide apart. Like Apopis arising from the depths of the underworld it came; a
huge metal serpent, the blood-red glow of the amphitheatre shining on its
gleaming surface like fire on mercury. It had a sinuous body of concentric
silver bands; its bulbous head was studded with hundreds of sensor domes. Proton
felt his bones shake from ultrasonic vibrations as the creature probed for its
prey.

"Feeling a little inadequate?" sneered Sapphia, her throne ascending to the
heights of the amphitheatre. "Let's see how the mighty Proton fares against my
Robo-Dildo!"

"It's what you do with it that counts!" shouted Proton. He fired a blast from
his power rod at maximum setting, but the beam merely bounced off the robot's
mirrored surface.

"The damn thing's got protection," said Proton. "I'm fucked!"

"No, but you're about to be!" said Sapphia, smirking at the pitiful
performance of his rod. "Drill them all, my beautiful Dildo of Death!"

The head of Robo-Dildo swung towards the struggling figures of Aylarna and
Constance. Ignorant of their peril, the princess had Constance pinned down, and
was slowly inserting a throbbing power rod deep inside her sopping vagina.

Captain Proton fired one futile blast after another, desperate to divert the
attentions of the remorseless mechanoid. But with programmed resolution it
crawled up the steps towards the two women. Massive steel rectal insertors and
thick rubber clitoral stimulators deployed for action. The ringed segments of
its gleaming shaft began to rotate at six different speeds.

"Excellent, excellent!" cackled the Queen. "Prepare to be screwed to death,
my lovelies. Your deaths will be exquisite!"

"AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" screamed
Constance Goodheart, as she finally noticed the mechanical monster sliding
towards them...or perhaps because Aylarna was now using her rod to vigorously
spank her buttocks. The vibrations of Robo-Dildo were shaking the entire
amphitheatre. Its rotating segments were a confusing blur of motion. It reared
itself up a third of its length, ready to plunge down upon its helpless
victims...

All of a sudden the segments whirred to a halt, and Robo-Dildo slowly slumped
to the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
screamed Queen Sapphia. "No more foreplay, Proton! I shall blast your cities one
after the other, until Mankind is wiped from the face of the Earth!" She ducked
behind her throne as Proton fired at her. The beam reflected harmlessly off its
surface.

"Adamantium armour," said Proton. "I've got to do something!"

"No shit!" said Aylarna, as the steps beneath her started to glow bright red.
"We've got to get out of here!"

"Which city should I blast first?" Sapphia shouted down at them. "Canberra?
Ha! That wouldn't be any loss. Grozny? I doubt they'd notice the difference. Los
Angeles? I'll make those movie execs pay dearly for removing the lesbian
references from 'Fried Green Tomatoes'! No, I'm not thinking big enough! I shall
destroy your entire country, Proton! I shall destroy...THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA!"

"We've got to stop her!" said Buster. "Quick, the President's device! He said
we've got to place it at the focal point of the Beta Disintegrator."

"An inefficient plan," said Constance. "According to my calculations, the
focal point is up there." She pointed to where the queen's throne now hovered,
fifty feet above them. By now the entire amphitheatre was radiating a fierce
scarlet glow. A loud throbbing began to pound against their ears like
galaxy-sized drum.

"No more talk shows!" the Queen was screaming maniacally. "No more
Disneyland! No more 'do you want fries with that?'"

"What are you going to do?" yelled Aylarna, as she handed him the President's
device. It was a small egg-shaped object, its Trenasian crystal burning within
like a fiery eye.

"What we men do best. Something brave and incredibly stupid!"

"Well you're not doing it alone!" shouted Aylarna. "It's time you realised
that women are just as stupid as men...I mean just as brave...ah bugger it, I'm
coming with you." She threw her arms around him, crushing her breasts against
his control panel. Proton's rocket pack blasted to life, hurtling them into the
air. Queen Sapphia, hiding behind her throne in case someone tried another shot,
didn't see them until they were almost on top of her. Raybeams blasted from her
Nipples of Power, but the rocketeers were moving too fast! The throne rang like
a bell as they crashed into it. It wobbled precariously, its gravity
neutralisers whining in protest at the added weight. Captain Proton was pitched
over the side, holding on by just a single hand!

"Unfaithful slut!" cried Aylarna, as she aimed a punch at Sapphia's head. The
blow was absorbed by the Queen's formidable beehive. "You're a lousy screw as
well!" The throne lurched again and she fell backwards, her hands scrabbling for
a purchase.

"Traitorous cow!" shouted Sapphia. "That's the problem with dykes, Proton.
They want to have their pussy and eat it too!" She drove a vicious kick at him,
her titanium-spiked heel knocking a massive chip out of the adamantium. Proton
quickly seized her ankle and pulled himself back onto the throne.

"Such strength, such determination!" sneered Sapphia. "Why engage in this
senseless conflict, Proton? Join me as my queen. After all, you certainly dress
like one!" She seized his testicles in her gauntleted fists and exerted
ball-crushing pressure. Proton promptly sang a soprano that would have made the
President of Earth envious.

"Let go of him, you bitch!" shouted Aylarna, pounding away at the Queen's
armour. "And by the way, I faked every orgasm!" Her fist slammed down on a red
button and the crotch-door sprang open.

"Can't you two just kiss and make out?" gasped Proton. Clutching the
President's device, he thrust his fist deep inside the Queen's Battle Panties.
Sapphia's eyes bulged as she felt the egg-shaped device shoved inside her cunt.
She let go off Proton and began scrabbling between her legs.

Proton grabbed the princess and leaped off the throne, his rocket pack
roaring into life. The throbbing of the Beta Disintegrator had grown to
deafening levels; by now the walls were glowing white hot. With stomach-churning
speed they hurtled towards the nearest exit. Just as they reached it light burst
from every surface in the amphitheatre, as if a massive sun had sprung to life
indoors. Blinding sheets of lightning flashed upwards to the Queen's throne,
destroying it instantaneously.

Proton and Aylarna roared through the doorway, pursued by a crackling wave of
energy that rippled from the crystal walls. In a microsecond it had caught up
and swept over them, flowing on to envelop Buster Kincaid and Constance
Goodheart, the battling Amazons and Wood Nymphs, the Giant Toothed Vagina and
Hideous Gobblsnutch, and every living creature for miles around - all
experienced the biggest and most intense orgasm in the history of the universe!

Captain Proton's rocket ship stood ready for launch, gentle wisps of smoke
puffing from its engines. The women of Venus had gathered around for a final
farewell, the naked pink bodies of the Wood Nymphs mixed in amongst the
colourful tunics of the Amazons.

"And so the people of Venus and Earth have finally come together," said the
Divine Prophetess Chukotai, "in one giant orgasm. Since that climatic moment we
have discovered that our differences can indeed be overcome - by means of
adapters, lubricants, and various vibrating objects. Now all Venusians are free
to explore their sexuality according to their own personal orientations. And it
is all thanks to you, Captain Proton. In your honour we will change the first
letter of our planet to a P."

"Err...on second thoughts," said Chukotai, "I think we better leave it as it
is."

"Have they found Queen Sapphia?" asked the Hideous Gobblsnutch. The
multi-limbed creature was carrying enough luggage to fill an airport baggage
facility, yet it still had enough hands left to comb both heads, do up two
disgustingly awful ties, and brush every one of its six mouths simultaneously.

"No," said Aylarna. "Her body was at the focal point of the blast. She must
have been completely obliterated."

"I wouldn't be too sure," said Proton. "I've a nasty feeling we haven't seen
the last of her..." He looked down as his wristphone gave a loud buzz.

In the background Proton could hear his secretary saying: "The course you
have plotted is inefficient, your insistence on calling me 'babe' is illogical,
your choice of entertainment for a date is frivolous, your infatuation with my
breasts is irrational, and your character development sucks totally."

"Sounds like you two should get married. Patch it through to my wristphone."

The President of Earth appeared on the wristphone's imagiser, naked and
covered in sweat.

"Captain Proton!" exclaimed the President. "Thank God I was able to contact
you! There's been another strike on Earth, even more nefarious than the last.
The entire United States of America has been struck by some kind of Orgasmic
Ray! Depraved orgies are taking place all over the country. Sex tourists are
flooding across our borders to get in on the action. We've been humiliated
before the entire world! You must find the person responsible for this, do you
hear me Proton? I intend to have him severely punished!"

"Dammit Proton, I'm giving you a direct order! It's probably some sinister
plot by Doctor Chaoticaarrrrrrrggggghhh!" cried the President, his eyes widening
as if something very long and hard had just been shoved up his rear end. The
imagiser blinked off.

"You know Gobblsnutch, I think it would be wise if we dropped you off first,"
said Proton. "Give things a chance to settle down back home. How about I take
you to meet the Multi-Headed Mutant Monstrosity of Mondova IV?"

"Ohhhh, I can't wait!"

"Farewell, Captain Proton!" said Kis, sweeping him into a passionate embrace.
"The world is hollow, now I have touched your fly. Will I ever see you again?"

"Of course not, I'm a man...oops, I mean: who knows if the fates will bring
us together." Proton turned to Aylarna, holding out his hand. "So long,
Princess...or should that be Queen Aylarna?"

"As long as it's not 'doll'," she replied, "you won't have to worry about my
knee in your crotch."

With some difficulty, Captain Proton pushed the Hideous Gobblsnutch through
the ship's hatchway. The crowd backed off as powerful engines thundered into
life. Great gouts of flame erupted from the nozzles and with a deafening roar
Proton's rocket ship wobbled its way into the sky.

The Venusians stood watching until the Earth vessel had vanished into the
misty clouds of their world. Then, as if in response to an unheard signal, they
turned en masse towards the Divine Prophetess of the Wood Nymphs.

Chukotai reached up to the wooden mask that concealed her features, and
slowly removed it.

"ALL HAIL QUEEN SAPPHIA!" cried the Amazons and Wood Nymphs as one. "RULER OF
THE PLANET VENUS, GIVER OF PAIN AND PLEASURE, KEEPER OF THE NIPPLES OF POWER,
CRUSHER OF THE TESTICLES OF MARS!"

"And soon, of Earth!" said Sapphia, hurling aside her mask. The manface
shattered to pieces as it struck the ground. "Proton should have listened when
warned of how treacherous your people are, my deceptively innocent Kis.
It shall be as I promised. Soon your Nymphomaniacs will have all the Men they
desire."

"But my Queen," said Aylarna, throwing a disdainful look at the Wood Nymph.
"Why engage in this charade when we could simply blast Earth into extinction?"

"Do you think I would wish to destroy a planet on which so many of our
sisters are held in dyed blondage? Little does Proton know that he carries to
his beloved patriarchy the seeds of its destruction. Concealed inside the
voluptuous body of Seventh of Mine are millions of self-replicating nanoprobes.
They will infiltrate the women of Earth, spreading intelligence, rebelliousness,
and a chronic phobia of hair care products. The assassination of the leadership
of Earth will be the signal for a worldwide feminist uprising. Our invasion
force will be greeted as liberators!"

"Assassination?"

"Yes! As you have undoubtedly noticed, the skintight garment worn by Seventh
of Mine keeps her formidable breasts under tremendous pressure. When Proton and
his crew are decorated before the United Earth Congress, her brain implants will
trigger an instantaneous release of her catsuit, destroying everything in a ten
mile radius!" Queen Sapphia gave a loud peal of evil laughter. "I shall clutch
the twin worlds of Earth and Venus in my hands like a woman's tight, dimpled
buttocks!" she cried. "The choice speci-Mans we will preserve in cryogenic
chambers for their Manseed and the pleasure of the Wood Nymphs. The remainder
will be neutered and kept as slaves to move heavy pieces of furniture. Assemble
my armies! Fuel my rocket ships! Oil my Battle Panties! We are going...to
Earth!"

CAN PROTON SAVE THE WORLD FROM AN INVADING ARMY OF DILDO-WIELDING DYKES? WILL
THE UNITED EARTH CONGRESS BE MASSACRED BY THE MURDEROUS MAMMARIES OF THE
SINISTER SEVENTH OF MINE? WILL PROTON END HIS DAYS AS A PRICKLESS PIANO-PUSHER?
FIND OUT NEXT WEEK IN...CAPTAIN PROTON AND THE BLONDE BOMBSHELL!