Thursday, October 27, 2011

yeah IKR,certainly something to ponder about.say,someone gets rich out of robbing some big shot,and eventually gets robbed by someone else.karma's a b with an itch,i can tell you that,then again,will it be fair for the robber to be convicted for his crime whilst his 'victim' used to be a robber himself too(who of course enjoys fruitful wealth out of robbing from someone else)? that's one scenario,what about the Robin Hood principle,steal from the rich to give to the poor?it can be said that it's ethical yet illegal.by right,one with enough sense of morality would want to help someone in need,regardless of whether the needy is a relative,a friend,an acquaintance or a random stranger; then again,what if helping people means committing a crime? does this mean being law-abiding citizens have snatched away all our humanity?absolutely not,in my personal view.some may say laws are meant to be broken,but due to the norms of our society,the law is what keeps us on our feet,without it,life would be hell.houses must be sealed at all times and weak souls are no longer daring enough to walk the streets since there will be criminals running loose in every corner.sure,certain amendments are necessary so that a certain policy is considered acceptable if not as flawless as God's commandments in our Holy books; it's because we are humans who are bound to screw up at some point,then again it doesn't mean a certain law is 100% wrong.an assimilation of ethics and legalization would be ideal in today's modern times.in short, rules and moralities sit side-by-side so nothing should ever come between them.

disclaimer: topic was actually inspired by the 2011 movie "In Time",starring the hot muthachucka Justin Timberlake(as Will Salas).story revolves around the lives of people in a world where time is money,literally; only the rich ones undergo immortality whilst people-of-the-ghetto are always on the run and eventually die.

here's a clearer outline of the story:In the not-too-distant future the aging gene has been switched off. To avoid overpopulation, time has become the currency and the way people pay for luxuries and necessities. The rich can live forever, while the rest try to negotiate for their immortality. A poor young man who comes into a fortune of time, though too late to help his mother from dying. He ends up on the run from a corrupt police force known as 'time keepers'.Written by THR Heat Vision

A MUST watch indeed,I rate the movie 8/10. excellent theme and plotting especially for sci-fi freaks such as myself.

lol girl... he's just not THAT into you,he doesn't even look into your eyes,muehehe

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The title says it all, and I know it's beyond challenging to be writing on this topic,especially considering how sensitive it can get to certain people,but somehow,the voice inside me keeps telling i should give it a shot.

What inspired me to do it is this song of Blink 182's i just discovered,it's called Stay Together For The Kids.I've heard the title before,but never have I had such bigger urge to look for it than a few days ago.Self-explanatory,it's about divorce,in case you haven't gotten what the catch is yet.It's a big word with infinite capabilities to either scar a child's emotions permanently or worse,affect their adulthood eventually.I was lucky my parents managed to resolve their arguments peacefully and ended up splitting up because of death and not divorce.I may not have first-hand experiences with it,but I do know a few unfortunate friends who do.I can tell you this,it's an ugly thing and I respect them for masking their pain with their smiles,every single day. I know how it feels like to fake your happiness,to hide that major heartache that's slowly breaking you from inside out.Its excruciating pain pierces through your every veins,so deadly and so slowly that you suffer,silently,Some of them, especially a friend of mine who lives with one of his parents, refuses to even have a single mention about his other parent who 'abandoned' him,and the worst part is I found out about it unintentionally. I asked him an innocent question and he came up with this revelation.I know how it's like to lose a parent,I lost my dad to cancer but I can tell that it's a very distinctive story compared to losing a dad or a mom due to a split-up. If death separates,you know the person's gone but the love is still there whereas if it's a marriage split-up,you know the love is no longer there and you'll feel alone no matter how many people you're surrounded with.The impact is even worse as the years go by,especially when the child is still at a tender young age.It might happen in a split second,but it will scar them for life.For some reason,I have an ability to tell whether someone's happy or otherwise,based on the way they stare into blank space.Happy people have sparkling eyes; those who hide their depression have deep eyes that seem unfocused at some points,mainly because they're trying to brush off the sadness or sometimes they over-think about their fate.Some manage to pull through while others (touch wood) without much motivation,might end up in the gutter,cutting themselves to feel real again.Everyone has problems,but split-ups are never the best solution to anything,they only make things worse.Believe you me,there are so many other ways.

50% American homes have been broken by marriage split-ups.is this even right?

A couple has been married for 72 years, they lived together to the age of 90++. They passed away in an accident, still holding hands. Who says true love doesn't exist?

"I see them everyday,we get along so why can't they? If this is what he wants and it's what she wants,why is there so much pain?"

Sunday, October 23, 2011

If only I were a cat,maybe i wouldn't be so dead inside,since I have nine lives to spare,then again,me being myself,I might end up wasting them and only have 1 left.

It's near to obvious what I meant by having only three lives to keep,it's not that I will literally be able to resurrect after every deaths,it's more to a figurative way of putting what matters the most in my life rather than my religion : Studies,Music & Love = thus, study life,music life and love life.it's harder to maintain them all.there was a point in life where I've succeeded in all,then again the success didn't last long.one of them is bound to fail me,and of course,resulting depression when it's a 2 out of 3 failures.

at the moment,what matter the most to me are both my study life and musical life.love life? pfft psshh.. i don't know if it still exists,i've given up on myself ever since i discovered i have a fear of having commitments.i'm a swinger by nature and i have yet to grow out of that habit,although i do admit i'm waiting on someone who apparently has the same phobia as mine - philophobia. he's even worse as a matter of fact,he has a goddamn wall that i plan to bulldoze one day,hehe. for now,i'm not gonna try too hard,i'm just gonna wait until that so-called wall of his crumbles on his own. in the mean time,i'm just gonna spray on some graffiti on it.

i'm only gonna let go of him once he belongs to someone else,i'm never giving up..it's something about him that makes me wanna keep holding onto whatever i have.

study life has been going fine as usual,not as fucked up as compared with my musical life.there always seems to be a barrier of some sort that stops me from moving on from square one.it's either the de-motivation i get from external factors, or the de-motivation i get from deep within,something like "i'm not good enough".today,thanks to my bandmates,i know that all musicians start from scratch,zero to hero concept that keeps them going regardless of the circumstances.i admit,i have more than enough rooms for improvement especially when it comes to transposing,gestures and comfortableness when performing. i have yet to master the basic fundamentals to rocking.teach me more! i wanna know :) and of course,nothing sucks more than being prevented from doing what you do best.to me,as long as my music life doesn't interfere with the other lives,i don't see why i shouldn't keep pursuing my dreams.music as a career,to be perfectly honest,is near to impossible to a Malaysian's context,due to the locals' perception regarding those individuals involved,and also the fact that we have a saturated industry where you can only survive if you stand out from the rest of the performers,otherwise,you're gonna drown. another sad fact is that even when you outshine people,there's always gonna be someone better,forcing you to keep working harder.i'm not willing to take such risks,so i have a backup plan : succeed in academics,get a proper day job and be a rocker by nightfall. as soon as my life falls into place,only then will i think about my love life.sounds like a plan? indeed.

btw i really feel like re-watching School of Rock for the third time,the kids' determination really inspired me.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

So i've been seeking some advice to treat my sleeping and eating habits that have gone haywire lately due to my excessive emotional stress.I have indeed found the root to it,which is none other than that dreaded four-letter word that can either make you or break you, L.O.V.E. yes i know,it sucks to be in love again.The main cause has been found, what's next? My mind says, stop giving a damn about anything else and just stay focused on the main objective - living healthy to live longer.Then again,there comes my heart saying I should keep dwelling until I eventually find someone competent enough to 'replace' you.This argument ended when I've gotten a definite answer,one that I've never seen coming.My natural reflex to it was arguably odd; I rejoiced the fact that i don't have to think anymore, and the next thing I knew I was actually experiencing an emotional meltdown - yep,you got that right, WATERWORKS,in squatting position,in the shower.I knew I've been watching too many chic flicks,zzzz.As much as I love them,it's affecting my life in so many ways - the way I think,the way I react, even the way I talk and dress.I woke up the next day feeling so bleh and numb in someway,I thought to myself,wow.. I got over you,finally? My friends comforted me despite how unnecessary it was because I didn't take it that hard.To me,it's better to find out sooner than later.

Life was going so well until ... that encounter. That FUCKING encounter in that same fucking place where i fucking realised I liked you and where the feelings start to develop.It's shitty and above all,i HATE mushy stuff. They crank my style as a rocker to be honest,but these feelings.. *points to chest* right here,I ain't got no control on em. I have yet to conquer them,I'm not THAT strong after all.When it comes,it comes, and my mind hatched an aspiration,finally agreeing with my heart. It wasn't like a love triangle thing,it's just a denial thing.ANYTHING that's been switched off can always be turned on in matter of time,so I'm not giving up until I eventually win or lose for sure.Somehow,I can feel that you're gonna be worth the wait,it's just something about you that makes me wanna stay.

why the sudden twist of thought?it's a very small incident that people often overlook or over-think about..

Because you texted me,...it's a brief one yet enough to let me know that you actually give a damn about me.

and you actually help me when I'm in need.screw that,EVERYTIME i'm in need,I don't even have to call on you,you're always there to rescue me.

I'm sorry if I seem to ignore you or avoid you lately,I wanna have control on my feelings,I don't want it to get out of hand.I need to stabilize.Just like you,I have priorities too and I need to get them straight.I'm still trying to understand what kind of person you are,I don't wanna fall for the wrong guy again.This might take time but it doesn't mean we should stop being friends.and liking you,I don't expect anything in return,it's like my passion for guitars,I don't exactly expect them to 'love me back' but I think you can see how much I love my guitars and how much I would sacrifice for them.again why? Because they make me happy,the same reason why I like you,as simple as that.

I don't give a fuck if you don't give a fuck about how I feel about you,and you can NEVER stop me from feeling what my heart wants to feel,let it stop naturally in a gradual pace,there's no such thing as abrupt change.

Then again,I often pray for a happy ending,yeah.. mushy I know,but that's what every single people in the world in hoping for.

And for some particular reason,the universe keeps shoving you into my face. WHY??! = =

A: God keeps putting me in trials and turbulence, it shatters me in many different ways. It's like He is purposely creating this domino effect to test me,and guess what,i'm failing!

B: Don't put it that way,take it as a challenge.God has reasons for whatever the hell He does, He knows you better than you know yourself ; tell you what, God is actually poking fun all over you and you don't even notice.

A: Why would He do that to me?

B: because,unlike some other people,you're funny,you're special and you're most definitely among the people who could take sick jokes.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

1.the vampire shouldn't create a barrier between herself and us. LOL
2.my sudden food craving is scary.Subway,then milk tea.
3. quote of the century: "Life is too short to be emo,OR to safely remove our pendrive from our laptops" - Calvin "Facebook-Is-Mainstream-I-only-Give-A-Feck-About-Guitars"
Tan
4. why the f did i suggest 'it' and why the f did you agree? FML
5. seriously in need of a jam session with Band 93.
6. NEVER place phone in side pocket,radiation may affect blood circulation - talking thru experience.
7.Assignments,I <3 u !

The bittersweet revelation I received today seemed to have given me mixed emotions; a sense of freedom because I no longer have to play the guessing game nor take any risks to get it done with,and partly,a weird combination of happiness and depression.I should be happy that I can now set my priorities straight and just let go of all the delusions,then again part of me is crumbling yet again.I don't understand,just as I thought it would've been the end of all these insignificant thoughts,it came back to me.It hit me like a tidal wave,slow,progressive,but painful in the end.I'm prepared for the worst,but I didn't see this one coming.I was confused regarding how to react,should I be happy or sad? Should I wait or should I just screw it?It was a major relief and now I can sleep well,but it's also gonna revolve into a major heartache soon.I'm feeling it now,I'm so immune to such pain that I literally couldn't care less how much it hurts me,and how much it eats me inside.I know deep down my walls are tumbling,but somehow,someway,I know a reconstruction is about to take place.This is going to make me stronger and not break me further,this I promise myself day by day.

The worst part is,it took me SIX DAMN YEARS to actually discover I wasn't ready for such heartbreaks and commitment,thus I was actually terrified of the thought of marriage and any affectionate dreams.It scares me,and clearly I am not well-prepared to face that.'We' were both on the same page all along,now I know.it's gonna take time for me to recover,but indeed,I will.

Although I wouldn't know how to react the next time I see you. Will we ever be the same? Will I ever be able to be myself again? Right here,right now,I'm actually wishing that you'd leave soon,sooner than you're supposed to.I want the pain to go away,I want to feel numb,I don't wanna feel anything anymore.I don't even wanna feel happy for fear of being pulled down in mid-air.

If any scientists is looking for a human body sacrifice to test on their latest artificial intelligence invention,ya don't need a proper cadaver,just take me,I'm already dead inside.I'd like to know how will life change with only the mind taking control whilst emotions don't exist?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Also a little bit overdue but nevertheless,I will still blog about it considering the fact that professional photos are finally up! credits to Mahirah and some dude from photography club,photos were stolen from their arsenal,hehe.prepare yourself for one of the longest blog posts i've ever written,well the pictures will do the talking.

A little random and overdue but who gives a fuck,it's my blog aight,hehe.

So yeah,this is my first ever Rockaway experience,bought the tickets for the sake of watching Sum 41 and Dashboard Confessionals but somehow due to unforeseen circumstances,organizers failed to get them here.However,they compensated by bringing over three epic bands All Time Low,Story of The Year and of course the most anticipated act,The Used.

I came at about 3:30pm after being pestered by Ken Yue who was there since 9:30am as a volunteer,sacrificing my MJ Night rehearsal session in uni.btw,I'm biased so I'm just gonna talk about the bands I favor,hehe.

Waiting for the bands I anticipated for weren't big of a deal considering the excellence of all the acts on stage,especially LO,.you're still awesome dude! he played some familiar tunes,just for nostalgia's sake: Evening News,Operator The Line Is Dead, and a new shit, Oops I Love You.

Somehow during the show,Ken Yue pulled me out of the crowd and led me to the side of the stage where the girls were cheering.He handed me his volunteer tag and i went through the security almost too smoothly.It happened so fast that I didn't even notice I was actually standing right next to the members of All Time Low! unlike other girls,i managed to keep my cool and welcomed them to Malaysia etc.it was a brief but meaningful conversation per say.did I mention Alex Gaskarth's guitar pick hit Ken Yue's eye and he gave it to me? hehe. and another epic moment was when a bunch of girls threw their 'boob underwear' to Jack Barakat from All Time Low = = dang... where's your dignity? (sorry fellers,since i didn't rate my blog as R anymore,can't upload the pics or elaborate much about the obscene antics of the ATL boys on stage that had gotten them banned from Malaysia.try google-ing them,they pissed off the organizers but yeah,they rocked and I was lucky enough to have met them on their first and last visit to Malaysia before they're banned. lol. yeah,rubbing it in yo face bee-otches,haha.on the brightside,they totally rocked the house! the mosh pit,the chaos,the uncensored words,totally beyond awesome!

right after ATL was Pop Shuvit. they had their usual song list played and of course,followed by the Groom-to-be,Moots' stage dive.somehow the crowd got carried away and Moots' Macbeth shoes kicked me in the face,and they almost got stolen by the crowd.

highlight of the night was of course,Uno's stage canoe attempt,something we rarely see normal people do!

I didn't really stay to watch The Used,mainly because I wasn't much of a fan of theirs.nevertheless,i guess this rock fest was a success,and I enjoyed every single bit of it.also heard that they planned ahead about bringing Sum41 and some other band to Malaysia. let's hope the plan works this time. RAWK ONNNN!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

*good GOD the post disappeared thanks to Blogger..this is my 2nd time writing this,hopefully it's a blessing in disguise.*

self-explanatory title?

Whenever I walk into a crowded room,I feel like shouting " Come out wherever you are! As packed as the room can be,I still feel lonely without you!"

When you sing to get the right key for a song "You may suck in singing but your voice is like music to my ears,proceed..."

During awkward silences in between conversation "Don't ruin it,don't say anything,just keep doing what you're doing and let me stare at you without you knowing it." << psycho alert!

When your eyes meet mine "Turn away! Turn..away!! Don't look at me with those eyes,every time you do my heart skips a beat,if this persists,I might just die?"

After your lame jokes " OMG you're fucking lame! but so am I,that's why I got that joke. And that geeky laughter of yours,I find it adorable and I love it so much that I wanna steal your laugh box and embed it on my phone so I could make it the alarm tone I wake up to every morning."

When you hand me something/try to assist me with something,I feel like slapping your hand and say "Stop being a fucking tease.. You're making it hard for me to focus!"

When we say good bye, "Walk faster please? So I could miss you faster.."

Saturday, October 1, 2011

"like my father's come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when September ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when September ends"

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day

I could so relate to this song now. September has ended,dad passed away in September 2 years ago due to cancer and no one can deny the fact that i secretly miss him. al fatihah,may we meet again someday.