Louis CK Imagines What God Would Say if He Came Down to Earth

If you believe that God gave you the Earth, that God created the Earth for you, why would you not look after it? Why would you think when he came back he wouldn’t go:

God: “What the fuck did you do? I gave this to you motherfucker are you crazy? The polar bears are brown. What did you do to the polar bears? Did you shit over the polar bears? Who spilled this shit? What is that?

Human: It’s oil. It’s just some oil, I didn’t mean to spill it.

God: Then why did you take it out of the fucking ground?

Human: Because I wanted to go faster. And I was cold.

God: What do you mean cold? I gave you everything you needed you piece of shit.

Human: Well, because jobs.

God: What is a job?

Human: It’s when you work at a place and people call when their game doesn’t and you help them.

God: What do you need that for?

Human: For money

God: What do you need money for?

Human: Food?

God: Just eat the shit on the floor. I left all the shit on the floor. Corn and wheat and shit. Just grab it and make some bread. What are you doing?

Human: Yeah, but it doesn’t have bacon on it. I like when it has bacon on it.