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Catch 22

I don’t know if Boris did it deliberately but if he did, it’s a master stroke.

The Tory party chairman demanded an investigation into Boris’s ‘totally, like, totally Islamophobic talk, like, innit?’ and Tessie Maybe backed this childish insanity because Boris is for Brexit and she wants him shut down.

She though it would be so easy. An accusation of Islamophobia would, until recently, have been enough to elicit a grovelling apology from any public figure. But, this is Boris.

So he has refused to apologise. Public outrage will finish him, thought the Tories. Eh… the public have had enough of having Islam rammed down our throats and Boris wasn’t even calling for a ban on the face-covering thing. He just said it looks silly – and it does. It also flies in the face of (pun intended) security laws that require motorcyclists to remove their helmets when entering a bank or any other place at risk of robbery. Support for the Clown Prince far outweighs the snivelling outrage of the professionally offended.

Suddenly, Tessie the Boot has backed away from supporting an investigation and the chairman of the Tory party is left to deal with it on his own. He cannot now back down without losing face but he no longer has support from the Prime Monster. He has been shat on by his Prime Monster and he has no way out.

Meanwhile, Tessie Turnaround has nowhere to go. She can’t fire him from the Cabinet, he’d already resigned, and she has no power to do anything else. She now looks really, really stupid and she also has no way out.

Boris has often been described as a ‘loose cannon’ and now he really is. He’s a machine cannon with infinite ammo and no off switch. And all he has to do is stay silent. If he planned this it’s utterly brilliant.

He didn’t even say anything racist. An Imam has publically stated that the hijab is nothing to do with the Quran and has no connection with Islam, which isn’t a race. Boris was against banning it. He just made jokes about a silly bit of fancy dress. That’s all it really is, when you get right down to it, but for some reason it’s sacrosanct.

I have a black hooded robe and a scythe. I could stand at crossroads and terrify boy racers. How long before I get arrested? Probably minutes. If I went into a bank dressed like that, it would be seconds. And yet I could dress up as landfill and no-one would dare criticise me.

This face covering has nothing to do with Islam. Nothing at all. It is a tool of misogynist oppression. As the women of Iran are now demonstrating, but we aren’t allowed to talk about that because it spoils the narrative.

Boris has the current Tory leadership in a no-win position. They find him guilty of Islamophobia when he obviously isn’t, the backlash kills the party stone dead. They clear him, the lefties go berserk and the mad Mullahs take to the streets and the party looks like a bunch of idiots. If he apologised, the disaster would be averted, but he won’t. And should not.

Criticism of Islam cannot and must not be a crime. No religion has special status in the UK. We are historically Christian and we are the country that produced ‘Life of Brian’, a film that monumentally pissed off the Church and nobody was arrested, investigated or censured. Oh the bishops were all miffed, but beating the bishop is another thing we do well 😉

If I want to refer to Jesus as ‘Jew on a stick’, nobody cares. If I want to reference the Japanese TV series ‘Monkey’, a piss take of the Hindu god Hanuman, nobody cares. If I want to make demons look silly in my books (and I do) and it upsets Satanists, no one cares.

But mention that the Darth Vader outfit imposed on many women looks a bit silly and there is Outrage! It makes you Racist! (even though no religion is a race, and the silly headgear is part of no religion). It makes you Nazi! (usually spouted by those who, unthinkingly, are promoting Nazi ideals). It makes you Islamophobic! (a word made up to let non-Muslims feel all superior and protective, and who don’t realise they will be the first against the wall when the Islamic revolution comes).

It’s all coming to a head now. Whether deliberately or not, Boris has forced an investigation into Islamophobia. Which is also an investigation into Islam. Didn’t realise that? Well, to investigate whether he said something wrong about Islam, you have to bring Islam into the light. And… here… we… go.

The days ahead could be nasty. It’s been brewing for a long time and it is inevitable. It is one of the reasons I took myself and CStM into the wilderness, away from towns and cities, and why I am armed with everything that is still legal to have.

The politics of the UK are about to change. Both major parties are, to put it nicely, fucked. Labour are removing real Labour MPs, the Tories are removing real Tories. We have nothing to vote for but the extremes. Boris might have bunged a spanner into the works.

Will he take Tessie Maybe’s place as Prime Monster? I don’t think so but could be wrong. I don’t think he’d be good at the job. Too prone to quick assessments and unthought outbursts.

I suspect the plan is to put Jacob Rees-Mogg in the pole position. He has stated he doesn’t want it and who better to have in charge than someone who doesn’t want to be?

But he looks far too much like Chancellor Sutler to me.

Might be another Dark Ages on the way. I have my bow…

Oh and if I was Muslim right now, I’d be looking at plane tickets. We’re about to party like it’s 1645.

Perhaps I am being neurotic, but what I suspect is happening is May is planning to call a leadership election herself, ie back me, or I call a general election. Boris will remain under ‘investigation’ and therefore de facto excluded from standing. Like everything this hopeless hag touches it will turn to shit in her hands.

Someone didn’t think this through. Who exactly is running Britain these days?
If The Tory Party sanctions Boris there will be outrage, and not just from The Tories. Mind you, that could be more fun than the joke itself.
However, it will be interesting to see how they are going to talk themselves out of this one.

I don’t expect for one second that Boris planned this. He just wrote his column in good faith as always, unsing quite subtle and smart jokes and use of language as he does (he’s a Classical Scholar) and forgot about it….

…Until… that big piggy BrandoNazi bloke manufactured what he independently thought would be a good wheeze to please his boss Treason-May while kneecapping Boris simultaneously. Boris knows that the one single thing you must NOT do, when assaulted by howling mobs of SJWs, is “apologise”. It just makes them howl “NOT ENOUGH! PEOPLE ARE RACIST HATE-PEDDLERS! WE MUST GO FURTHER!” We can all see this now.

I suspect that the “flurry of complaints” received by the Party-ChairmaNazi is fabricated in its entirety. You have only to regard Brandon Lewis’s fizzog to suspect what a sad, low, shifty prick he must be. The sort of mountebank that PMtM would appoint as Gauleiter-von-Partei.

Everyone knows Boris makes public jokes in a kind of English piss-taking way. He even takes the piss out of himself (witness the “high-wire” stunt…) He’s done it since Oxford; he probably learned how to do it while there from his Classical Greek Grammar Tutor, and also bewhiles from his great dad Stanley.

If (PMTM by default silently) and BrandoNazi suspend or fire Boris from the Tories, they’re toast. If they’d mumbled a few grumbles on Monday evening and left it, the story would be brown-bread by now. We might have had a globally-televised march of all the five million burqua’d BBC employees and massed divisions of niqab’d-weathergirls shouting and waving rainbow/black flags, but that would have been Wednesday and now gone too.

As you say, all they’ve achieved is to big up his strategic position.

The book is coming on. As well as science, it’s turning into an increasingly thrilling adventure SF story and also a “chase”. I will say no more for the present.

We need a Bill of Rights, including the right to hold firearms in our own homes, at the very least plus constitutionally guaranteed access to piano wire and proper gas driven lamp-posts, with those dear little arms for the lamplighters’ ladder and a whole world of other possibilities, so fondly remembered from my distant childhood.

However the same accusations have been levelled at President Trump – and he’s proving to be pretty darned good at getting things done.

If perchance Tess does try the Russian Roulette trick, Boris is IMO well positioned to stand for the post of Leader – and if that results in Hammond being demoted to the back benches, then so much the better.

And should he decide to terminate Carney’s contract and give the job to a Brit, then one of the greatest obstacles to a rational Brexit will be removed.

I trust your bow is of burning gold, your arrows of desire. Perhaps you should add a fairly ordinary spear and a chariot of fire, notwithstanding your actual location (or, indeed, origin) being adjacent to the country of that sage advice.