Metal Gear Solid 4 Review – Snake? Snake?! SNAAAKE!!!

This could well be the last post I ever make on this website. Why? Because I have fallen out of love with one of the best PS3 games I’ve played. Metal Gear Solid 4:
Guns Of The Patriots was one of the first next-gen games I owned and the last Snake-loving game in the series. That being said, it had quite an impact on my gaming life… the first time round that is. The game itself isn’t even that bad, just huge parts of it make you want to jump off a cliff, which is why it’s quite lucky that I live in a quiet village in the middle of nowhere. Despite my newly found dislike, I’m going to march on and pick the game apart for you guys, yippee!

Okay, so if you’re not a Metal Gear Solid fan, you won’t understand what the hell is going on in this game and so explaining the plot is pointless. If you’re desperate to
know, read this. If you’re a fan and haven’t played this, you’re basically trying to stop Liquid Ocelot from taking over the world while defeating the Beauty and the Beast units. Put simply of course… I refuse to talk you through the whole plot because it takes more twists and turns than a spring tied into a knot. Honestly, it’s ridiculous and confusing, but that’s what the series is famous for. This was my second playthrough and I’m only
starting to understand what the hell I’m doing crawling through grass this time.

While I’m on a bad note, I may as well mention the cutscenes. Don’t worry, I can hear your collective groan from here and this time, I’m joining in. Sure, the shortest cutscenes (the flashbacks you encounter) are only a few seconds long each, however, the longest is around 80 minutes long. I understand, you have a lot of information to explain to the gamers Kojima, but seriously? This is the first game ever that I’ve skipped a cutscene in. Is that long for everyone or do I just have a short attention spa- ooh look, a puppy!

So what does Metal Gear Solid mean to you? A stealth game there to test your skill and
swiftness when evading guards? *beeeep* wrong. Okay, not entirely. By all means, use your new OctoCamo that makes you a talking, automatic chameleon (or manual if you’re a hardcore mega-fan), but why not run through the maps with your guns flaring? That’s right, what was previously frowned upon in this series is now an alternate strategy. I guess that it could bring more fans over if it’s focused on action too, right? Oh wait, I forgot about that story pooped out of Kojima’s arse, never mind new fans, go home! Sure, at times, you can help the local militia defeat all PMCs in that area, giving you free roam and an easier time, but what happened to the hiding and the sneaking? This game is more like the Guide To Being A Camper.

The controls are even more FPS – this game literally cannot make up its mind on its genre can it? Yeah, that’s nice for new players but what about your previous fans Kojima? Half of them will throw the controller through their screen before they get used to them.

Hey guess what? You can use Sixaxis now, but you know what else? I don’t care about that, so I don’t even know where it can be used. It’s a stupid idea – “Flick your controller upwards to get Snake to dance on this dead body.” wait… that sounds fun.

You also get a stress meter when you’re exposed which I guess is great for the stealth parts. It’s connected to the Psyche meter, which, if it gets low, Snake will start to shake and will become completely useless. Don’t worry though, pop out a cigarette or Playboy magazine and you’ll be fine again!

Phew, this is starting to get long so I’ll try to be brief now that we’re past the bad parts of the game. Next up is the ‘meh’ part of the game: the graphics. They’re fine, and obviously, when the game was released, they were great, but now they’re just average. They’re a bit blocky when you’re adventuring but other than that, they’re standard. I’ve seen better but I’ve seen worse. The blood isn’t great but then again, it’s a stealth/action/FPS, what does it matter to Kojima anymore? Brief enough?

The voice acting has improved, it makes the game way more immersive now and, if you
bother to drag through the multiple cutscenes, you can easily imagine that you’re there, maybe as a bored child in the corner, but there nonetheless. My favourite part of the music, apart from almost wetting my pants (erm… it wasn’t urine either.) at the sound of Snake Eater playing at what might just possibly be the best part of videogaming history ever, is the insertion of the iPod. This also helps Snake’s stress levels and, once all the enemies are dead, is fun to play around with. On one of the songs (my favourite), if you press Start, you see Sunny dancing. All together now people: “awww!” As you can see, the sound is one aspect that I completely agree with.

The game isn’t necessarily bad, I loved it the first time round, but if you’re not a fan
or too much of a fan, I wouldn’t really bother. Although for a couple of pounds/dollars/your currency off Amazon, it could be worth it. It really is a Marmite game, you love it or hate it, and I’m the awkward kid who isn’t sure on their feelings.

(Leaving was a joke by the way; I’m going to be here to entertain you for the foreseeable future. Isn’t that great kids?!)

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Sian is a co-founder of Cubed Gamers, having been around since 2011. When she isn't helping to manage the site, she's exploring every nook and cranny in games to create guides you didn't know you needed.