[1: 1,157 of 10,000] How Did I Stop Dreaming For Myself?

I don’t know when did I stop dreaming for myself. I could name several beautiful dreams that I want to focus on and pursue but they don’t bring excitement or drive me to fight for it.

My life completely revolves with making my youngest sister smile (believe me it felt like an epic move if I can make her truly smile) and succeeding in my career.

My biggest problem is being so obsessed with my current work because of my life motto of being “responsible”. My job is killing me, it is rubbing my zen and happiness, giving my resignation came up so many times, and yet here I am striving to make everything just right because I don’t want to be a quitter. I also count on this job for monthly income until youngest sissy and I join our middle sister in Australia hopefully by mid next year. I can’t help choosing to just die because of the disappointments and being so overwhelmed. I know, the work environment is no longer a good place for me but I am trying to self heal myself. Blogging about it hopefully helps me explore the crazy issue.

I stopped praying properly too because I am too tired to do so. I even abandoned this blog intentionally because I was craving for good sleeps and pausing to clear my head by trying to love myself. I am losing the simple joy of watering my plants. I wish I could understand myself better and have the wisdom for what I should do next. Or I don’t know what poison I am trying to plant into my life.