Up Close With Jon Hamm

Jon Hamm wants everyone to “lay off” his penis, but how can we when it’s literally staring us in the face? Everywhere we look, there’s Hamm on the red carpet, accompanied by his lovely girlfriend and giant wang. There they all are at a movie premiere. And look! There’s Hamm and his bat on the baseball mound.

Sure, the joke’s a little old and we wouldn’t mind a change, perhaps in the form of another devastatingly handsome actor’s John Thomas. On the other hand, why shouldn’t we celebrate the glorious rise of Jon Hamm’s penis, which two underwear companies are reportedly vying for? It wouldn’t be fair to nip his penis’s career in the bud when it’s just taking off!

We’ll avoid getting too carried away, but let’s be honest: when Season Six of Mad Men premieres in 11 days, all eyes will be on Don Draper’s dong.