NO LONGER ENCUMBERED BY ANY SENSE OF FAIR PLAY, EX-JOURNALISTS RETURN TO ACTIVE DUTY TO FIGHT THE TRUMPIAN MENACE!

Tweet, Pray, Covfefe

Amid all the serious talk around alleged ties to the Russian government during and after the 2016 election and how “yuge” and excellent an adventure President Trump had overseas, the White House has managed to expose us to more nonsense than any other presidential administration in modern history.

We learned about “Alt Facts”; that press briefings may be optional; fake news and my all-time favorite — the Media (or press), which has always been a staple of our democracy, is actually the enemy of the people.

While most of the concepts coming out of the White House these last 130 days are laughable, we have learned at least one actual, irrefutable fact.

Be it sometimes “fake” or sometimes irrelevant, the endless news cycle has changed us into binge drinkers who will consume absolutely anything as long as the bartender is serving it over ice.

As a lifelong liberal and student of politics, I could have my head gnawed off for saying it, but I sort of, kind of get what “The Donald” is getting at with all of his bluster and whining about “fake news.”

Gone are the days of the “man on the street” and long, information packed exposés detailing first-person accounts of wars or the meatpacking industry. We live in a world where there is so much information being presented for consumption that we literally cannot separate the wheat from the shaft.

These days, news can be the possibility of a secret back channel of communication between us and the Russians. Or the possibility of fake documents being perceived as real by the FBI or even comedian Kathy Griffin taking a picture holding a bloody replica of Trump’s head — it’s all available, all relevant, and all somehow news.

Just the other day the president, ‘round midnight, probably after a fresh viewing of something on Fox News, hit us with an absolute gem.

“Despite the constant negative press covfefe,” he Tweeted.

Whaaaaaa?

After reading it, I felt as though I could almost see the sleeping Donald slumped over in some comfy chair for which we have already paid. His dyed pompadour comb-over trembling under his snores. A strand of drool hanging from the corner of his smug mug, creating a thin path of flesh tone along his orange colored chin — eew!

Ominous in its meaning and vague, the non-word quickly became “a thing,” as can happen these days.

Moments after Trump took his tiny finger off the “send button,” the term “covfefe” had become a meme, blew up social media with thousands of retweets, and had evolved into a full-blown news story by the next morning sometime after it was removed from social media at 6 a.m.

In fact, the term “covfefe,” which is growing in meaning and popularity as you read this, is not a word, not part of a proper sentence, statement, or phrase, yet it has been turned into countless memes and been reserved for a California license plate, despite probably being an errantly typed word or at least an incomplete thought.

As it turns out, Trump and fake news go together just like peas and carrots after all; even though he’s usually the one complaining about the legitimacy of the news while creating more illegitimate news with his telephone.

Flip phones, eat your hearts out.

Is it because he is the leader of the Free World?

Perhaps, but Trump is more so a symptom of a larger condition.

Is he wrong for both marginalizing the reporting of incidents when they reflect unfavorably on him and at the same time generating half-baked history seemingly without rhyme or reason?

I want to say “yes,” but in a world where news and snarky comments are mixed into some kind of imbroglio of information it may all be happening too instantaneously for us to notice or stop.

Since Trump took office, we talk about Twitter as the official spokes vehicle to the POTUS like it’s just fact and like it’s something Ol’ Hickory himself was doing from horseback, while ordering Native Americans to walk from Florida to the Dakotas.

In reality, Twitter is a social media platform younger than most of my neckties and nothing more.

It was established in 2006 but has wormed its way into our lexicon and daily lives, right there along other unnecessary modes of communication like Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and Tinder.

Not surprisingly, as we sleep walk through the impact of the internet and non-stop news cycle on our lives, our President doesn’t. In the interim, this irrelevant, 140-character tool has been allowed by us all to have an almost press like status, and that’s just plain pathetic.

Whenever I see Fuhrer Trump’s tweets in the news as official statements, I angrily think — “That can’t even be real and shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

I then don’t know whether I need to follow him or friend him, it’s so confusing.

Do I reference him after the shot of someone’s sumptuous lunch or after some gross crotch shot or lewd video?

Will his thoughts disappear like a puff of internet photos after a prescribed time or will these presidential brain farts be our Gettysburg address decades from now?

Everything Tweeted by the President should not be news!

In fact, it’s high time Sean Spicer, Sarah Huckabee or Ivanka wrest that infernal device from his grubby little hands.

In the end, I’m forced to just follow our leader, bow down to our place in instant history, make a cute curtsey, pray, and say 12-covfefe’s — this may be bigger than us all.