Dumb Questions

Friday

May 25, 2007 at 2:00 AMMay 25, 2007 at 5:54 AM

If you lived in New York City during the mayoralty of Ed Koch hardly a day went by that you didn't hear his question: "How'm I doin?"

Paul Duffy

If you lived in New York City during the mayoralty of Ed Koch hardly a day went by that you didn't hear his question: "How'm I doin?" This went on from 1978 to 1989 and through all those years there was never a shred of evidence that Koch paid the slightest attention to the answers.

Many judge Koch to have been a pretty good mayor, but not because he went around asking "How'm I doin?" In fact, I think most New Yorkers felt Koch would have been a better mayor if he had quit the "How'm I doin" and replaced it with "How're you doin?" or, better still, nothing at all.

Nobody likes to answer questions, especially phony rhetorical questions or the kind of dumb questions that make people cranky.

"How many here are fed up with high gasoline prices?" "What are we going to do about it?" The point of these moronic questions is not to lower fuel costs but to dress the questioner in the clothes of the people's champion. Everybody is fed up with high gasoline prices and what are we going to do about it? "Absolutely nothing" is the correct answer here. For the fact is that nobody who is in a position to do anything about the high cost of gasoline wants to lower prices no matter how many politicians ask dumb rhetorical questions.

Here's a question that has no purpose other than to earn the lifelong hatred of all children under the age of 12: "How's school?" This loopy inquiry, favored as an ice-breaker by aunts, uncles, elderly cousins, and grandparents, has never produced one speck of information. Nor has it ever succeeded in opening a dialog between child and adult. In the first place, children don't want to talk to adults on any subject because adults are out to lunch and boring. In the second, this question is patently insincere as the adults cannot possibly be so addled that they can't remember being asked the same inane question when they were in school. And they no doubt gave the same nondescript answer: "OK." Occasionally a child who has been asked the question one too many times will answer, "Horrible!" or "I hate it!" but most often "OK" is what you can expect.

"Have you got the right time?" Is this question designed to elicit information or to antagonize the questionee? Has anyone ever answered, "No, I have the wrong time?" Or, "Yes, I have the right time, but you can't have it."

"Would I lie to you?" is a question nobody should ever ask, for the question all but demands -- screams out -- for the answer, "Yes, yes, you would. In fact, you never do anything else."

"Have you seen my glasses?" is irritating but not half so much as, "Did you take my glasses?"

"Of course I didn't take your glasses. Why would I take your glasses?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking the question."

Well, I'm sorry to say so, but it's a dumb question."

"I don't think it's a dumb question. But in any case, there's no call for rudeness."