Thursday, April 30, 2009

I love her... she loves me NOT (or so it seems)!

I am so tired of stressing about money. This economy is crazy. My husbands work has dwindled to nothing and my daycare can't pay it all. In three months of him having no work, our savings is gone. I am freaking out. I am remembering to remember that it can always be worse. Somehow God will provide. I have no idea (other than Him) it always seems to work out.

As for our kids today, all is good, (well kinda, what I can control anyway). I am continuing to be angry (forgive me please) during the day at Morgan and lay awake worrying about her at night. My blog by this point must be sounding very repetitive. It just seems like the issues I am having, or need to blog about to get off my chest are not going anywhere... please don't stop following my blog and leave because of that. I am so blessed to have you all following me! I was looking back through baby pictures of Morgan. She was so kind and sweet and loving and she ALWAYS had a smile on her face. I didn't notice the down hill slide until my divorce with her dad. I know divorce is way hard on kids, but she was eight when we got divorced. I know everyone and their brother will tell you NOT TO STAY IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS, but had I known then what I know now, I may have, just to try and make her life that much easier now. I just think you know right from wrong at the age of 15 EVEN IF YOUR PARENTS GOT DIVORCED!!! I think counselors, and psychologists and therapists give these kids excuses to why they are behaving the way they are. I went to school for psychology and I don't believe that! I think counseling is needed to deal with things. I believe that you can be hurting from certain issues happening to you, but I do not believe for one minute that those things happening make you do bad unacceptable things. I was raped at the age of 15, I am not breaking the law because of it. Give me a break. Anyway back to those pictures. She was so cute...... (ok she still is, she just has a NOT SO CUTE attitude). I'll have to post some of her baby pictures later... they are on our other computer, here are some of her pictures around the age of 12. ok so it wont put her pictures here... it added them up top. Oh well. She is just not coming home. When she calls us it is from a blocked number. She is not going to school. She said her friends mom said she could live with them. I would love to get my hands (ok my voice and finger in her face) on this mom. Seriously someone else's child is staying with you for a week and you do nothing. Look into it. Question. Call the mother to just check. Even if I got that call of , "hi this is so and so's mom, it sounds like Morgan is pretty upset, and if its ok with you, she is welcome to stay here for a couple of days while everything cools off. I just wanted to let you know that she is here and she is safe, I would feel better. BUT NO YOU GET THESE (hold on I have to think of a nice name)....... Irresponsible, disrespectful, advantage taking people that don't give a crap (again nice word being used) what their kids do and where and how they do it. I continue to pray. What else can I do. I have called her in as a runaway, but it is not illegal to run away. The police will just bring her home when they find her. Just for her to run away again. Oh and the best part, if she doesn't go to school (which she is not) the parents (um that would be me, being that my ex does NOTHING) get fined and possible jail time. My hands are tied in every direction. So I chose to keep my hands together as if they were tied, and just pray. pray. blog. pray. pray. blog. (Oh and I pray you won't get tired of reading it..... Thanks for letting me vent. I'll write about my other kiddos in a bit... I have to get SOMETHING done!

1 comment:

Look, don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can in a pretty sad situation. I don't think what her friend's mom is doing is the right thing...what if the roles were reversed?

You can't think that what happened between you and your ex is why she is acting the way she is. She's acting the way she is because she's a teenager. And, you know she wants to be treated like an adult, but she's not acting like one.

Most of us have temporary laspes in judgement when we were her age. I know that telling her, "geez, sweetie, I went through the same thing" isn't going to help because God-forbid (gasp!) moms and dads don't know WHAT in the world they're talking about...

About Me

About me? I am thirty-something. I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother of five, step mother to one, and last but not least, a friend. I love my creator and I love being a mom. I do childcare for a living. My parents are still married, and I think that is the best thing about them. I have one sister and I have one brother. My kids are Morgan-17, Connor-15, Kali(step)-15, Maddie-11, Jaidyn-6, and Mark-3! I don't think it matters how many children you have as long as your still smiling at the end of your day (and they are too). I love them dearly, they are my life, and I make them my priority! I realize everyday how truly blessed I am.

my husband

Steve

Steve is my husband. We got married May 9, 2004. He is my best friend. He is a wonderful father and step-father to our/my children. I love him so much, I love the way he loves me. I love the way he listens to me. I love the way we can connect just by looking at each other from across a room. I love how I REALLY miss him when he's gone. I love the way his pillow smells when he gets up before me. I love that God has brought him into my life. I am truly blessed.

Mark, our baby

Mark is our youngest. He is such a good baby. He just turned one, and of that I am in total denial. He has eyes that you get lost in. His eyes are the bluest eyes I have ever seen. We named him after my dad. Mark is able to tell an entire story with just his expressions. His smile is contagious and warm. I am so blessed to be his mommy.

Jaidyn the wild child

Jaidyn is my bouncing, hopping, skipping, running, dancing four year old daughter. If you looked up the word tomboy in the dictionary, there you would find a picture of her. She won't wear skirts. She won't wear dresses. She won't wear anything but jeans and boys tennis shoes. She looks for bugs. She climbs trees. She wants to play football with her brother. She wants to get stronger not bigger. She is my wild-child and I adore her with every piece of my heart. It is me that is so blessed to be her mother.

Maddie the girly girl

Maddie is my girly-girl. She is all about pink. She is about dresses that twirl. She is about tea sets. She is all about glitter. Her eyes are huge and show her spirit. She is kind hearted. She is loyal. She absorbs life like a sponge. She thinks always before speaking. Her glass is always half full. She is my daughter, and by her I am called mom, how blessed that makes me!

Connor the comedian

Connor is my clown. He is my child that will crack you up at the drop of a hat. His funny personality comes so easily, he doesn't work at being funny, he just makes laughter flow from people. He loves sports. He is competitive. He loves little kids. Little kids love him. His little sister Jaidyn wants to be just like him. It is so funny to me to say that I have a teenage son, because I feel like I just had him yesterday. He was my baby I couldn't put down. He only wanted his mommy, and lucky blessed me, that mommy was me!

Kali - the shy one

Kali is my step-daughter. She is a kind and loving girl. She would do anything for anyone. If you need a good, kind, LOYAL friend, you need Kali. She has a love for animals that is beyond words. She is amazing with babies. She is a good student, all of her teachers love her. She is our shy one. She has only a few friends, but they will be friends that she will keep forever, being that she is the perfect friend to a few verses a so-so friend to many. I am so blessed to have her in my life and get to be a step-mother to her.

Morgan the oldest

Morgan is my oldest child. She is strong and independent. From toddler to teen she has wanted to do everything by herself and has needed no help other than an occasional point in the right direction. She leads in every situation, making her not the follower. She likes variety in her life. She dips her toes in all types of shoes meaning she is open to trying anything. She is a healthy eater. She has loved fruits, veggies and salad and yes her favorite, tomatoes from day one. When she slows down in life long enough to ask her mom a question, I am blessed to get to be that mom that gets to answer it.

Knowing Stellan

This baby boy changed my life. He isn't mine. His story taught me to trust God more. His story taught me to be a better wife, mother and friend. His story also taught me to pay attention to details and focus on what is important in life. Learn about this precious baby boy and how he has tied people together from all over the world!