He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. {Isaiah 40:11}

01 September 2010

A Mother's Apology

Looking back on the past few days, I see many many ways that I was rude, wrong, forceful, loud, proud, judgmental, harsh... It's very easy for me to get caught up in my own life and the life of my kids/family. I often find that I have forgotten where I am and how my/my kid's actions affect others. Thankfully, most people I encounter are gracious and understanding. {If they aren't, I'm usually oblivious to their daggers.} None the less, I wanted to take some time out to apologize for what I have let being a mommy do to me.

This is sincere. Not intended to be condescending or patronizing.

To The World:

I realize not everyone is comfortable around a nursing mom {whether they're covered or not}.

I was there.
I felt awkward too.
It won't change the fact that I nurse in the restaurant across from you or on a bench in the park but I'm sorry it makes you feel that way.

I mean that.

I'm sorry when I am so consumed with keeping my munchkin happy and quiet that I cut you off in the grocery store or bump into you without even knowing it.
I may not apologize.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a rude driver.
Sometimes my infant cries and getting home to feed them or put them down for a nap is the only thing I can think of.
That is not a valid excuse.

I'd like to think I'm not normally that inconsiderate.

I'm sorry if my kids' behavior is distracting and I don't immediately correct them.
Sometimes I just like to finish what I'm doing and have to mentally weigh the pros and cons of getting something done versus quick discipline.
Sometimes, a completed task wins out.

Yes, I am aware that sometimes my kids play with potentially dangerous objects for longer than they should because it's keeping them quiet.

I'm sorry to all stores where I allow my kids to touch things that I am not going to buy because it, again, keeps them occupied.
A momma's time is precious so sometimes I let things slide.

I'm sorry for taking up the handicap accessible restroom stall or fitting room because the stroller doesn't fit in regular rooms and my toddler needs space to move.

I'm sorry for when my son mistakes your produce section for his own personal taste-test kitchen and helps himself to a bite of plum or tomato and then puts it in your bird bath.
I didn't teach him that.

To My Friends:

I'm sorry for cutting you off in conversation to tell my kids to "put that down".

I'm sorry for asking you to repeat things because my mind was somewhere else.

I'm sorry for forgetting what you've said moments after you'd said it because my kids were too quiet and I was wondering what trouble they were getting in to.

I'm sorry for interrupting you and talking a lot.
I don't get out much.
I'm sorry for talking about me and not asking about you.

I'm sorry for forgetting important events in your life and filling your ear with stories about my kids and my day. Usually things that aren't important.
Ugh.
I hate when I do that.

I'm sorry that, when we go somewhere together, I take a long time to do anything.

I'm sorry that I'm usually late and can't give you more specific times than "between ten and eleven".
I'm sorry that I am not as "cool" as I used to be.
I'm sorry to cut fun girl's nights short because it's past my bedtime or I need to go nurse the baby.
I'm sorry that I can't come over to play during the best times of the day because my kids are asleep.
I have to admit though... I love nap time no matter when it comes.

I'm sorry if my kids' diapers offend your nose and I don't rush to change them.
I'm either immune to the stink and could use a reminder or I know and just have to work up the will do to anything about it.
I value my time with you though I may not always show it.

To You Other Mommies:

I am a proud and judgemental woman.
I always have been.

I apologize.

I often watched mischevious toddlers and thought, I would never let me kid act like that.

I was wrong.

I 'm sorry.

I can't help it.
I'm not convinced that they can help it.
Terrible two's are not a joke.
Even a strict mommy like me will be embarrassed by their child who lies prostrate on the concrete floor in a long line at Costco in protest in the because he doesn't get his way.

To all the people who waited in line behind us that day...

Sorry for the wait.

I too quickly assume "my kid wouldn't ever do that".

Boy was I wrong!

Husband:

I'm sorry that I'm not "in the mood" the way I used to be.

I'm sorry that sometimes I shower less often than I should.

I'm sorry for the days when body spray is my shower.

I'm sorry for not dressing up and doing my hair more.
I'm sorry for the lounge pants and over-sized sweatshirts.
I'm going to make an apron soon so I can justify wearing nicer clothes.

I'm sorry that it is so much work to give you attention sometimes.

I'm sorry that I use being with kids all day as an excuse for grouchiness.
It's not you.
It's me.

I'm sorry for using my "mommyhood" as an excuse for griping sometimes.

I'm sorry when you have to eat hot dogs because I found things to fill my day with that didn't ensure you were cared for.

I promise, I'm working on it.

To My Kids:
I'm sorry for taking frustrations out on you. Even when you don't know that's what I'm doing.
I'm sorry for treating you like a neusense sometimes.
You're not.
I'm just selfish with my time.
I'm sorry when I am sometimes inconsistent in what I say and what I do.
That's not who I want you to be.
I'm sorry when I don't do what I say I'm going to.
That includes discipline.
It's not fair to you... though I'm sure sometimes you appreciate it.
I'm sorry when I discipline first and consider your true motives and behaviors later.
Sometimes I'm wrong.
I'm sorry for plopping you in front of the TV just because I know it will keep you quiet.
I'm sorry that sometimes I make the wrong decisions.
There are lots of decisions to make and I am bound to get plenty wrong.
I wish that wasn't the case.

There are more redeeming reasons for having children than I can list. Children are a blessing from the Lord and "blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them" {Psalm 127:4-5}. Little did I realize, however, that my dignity, organization and consideration would take a serious blow. I try. I really do. Praise the Lord for His forgiveness, right?

3 comments:

This is one of my favorite posts. Even though I don't have kids yet, there are "I'm sorry"s that I could second. It's also a nice reminder to me of how my friends who are moms feel. I always try to remember those things when I wish they could chat longer on the phone or get bummed that we don't see each other much.

This is a fantastic post. No kids yet, but it was beautiful. I can't wait to have my own children and come to the realization that my kids will do all those same things that I have vowed they will never do.