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Friday, January 06, 2012

Secrets of Adulthood

Sometimes a book keeps coming at you from all different directions. I kept seeing The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin everywhere. I would walk past a shop and see it, I would see it online, I would see it in the newspaper, I would over hear someone talking about it at a cafe. The universe trying to tell me to read it. I scoffed inwardly "I don't read self help books and I certainly don't need help to be happy." Cynical? Yes.

But yet it still kept jumping out at me. So I popped it on my kindle before we went to Thailand and I started reading it on the plane. I was immediately struck by the authors honesty it is hugely personal but so much of what she said rang true to me. Gretchen makes various commandments and personal truths for herself to keep her on track as she tackles different aspects of her life month by month. The research is comprehensive and explained in an easy to read way and there is a good mix of evidence as well as personal truths. I loved some of the great ideas she has like : don't delay a task that takes less than a minute. I have made this 5 minutes for me and I find if I just- for example put the washing away rather than be annoyed by the basket it really actually makes me feel lighter.

Probably my favourite part of book are The Secrets of Adulthood. You know those things you work out as you grow up that you can't believe took you so long to "get' which I loved as I often thought about these kind of things, when one would spring up I would immediately think - why didn't I work that out sooner?? What took me so long to work it out?

So I started writing mine down when I thought of them:

here they are:

When cranky assess last food and water intake.Good food and exercise makes you feel good.Sometimes it's easier to shut upRanting and raving and "venting" make you feel worse not better.Always be nice to admin people, no matter how difficult that may sometimes be.It's generally not the faultofthe person who answers the phone.It saves time if you read the instructions.Friendship is not always forever.It's nice to be nice.No one will ever be as consistently excited to see you as your dog.People who come across as snobby or rude may just be incredibly shy.If you say the compliment out loud, it will make you both feel good.Nothing ever turns out as you imagine it in your minds eye. Never ever.The definitionofinsanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.*Being optimistic is a forceofwill.Question professionals decisions and treatment plans. Ask about evidence. Always have a wet weather plan.The words "sorry" and "but" cancel each other out.Wanting change means getting actively involved.Feeling guilty is a choice you make.People that tell you you are sensitive may have just been incredibly insensitive.

* this one is obviously not my own but it took me a while to get the concept

What are your secrets of adulthood? I would love to know, I bet you have lots of them.

I think my best used secret of adulthood is remembering that not everyone has to like me. Just as I'm not always keen on some people, some people aren't keen on me.I need to use the rule of doing things now instead of waiting or putting it off. My washing sits there way too long too!

All excellent words of wisdom, and so very true. I wish I could tell my 16-20 year old self these things, but then again, I usually thought I knew best at that age. Some things you just have to learn by experience.

So true, Cath!As I read your list, I thought about one of my own... we do sometimes forget the things we've learned and have to relearn them all over again (as hard as that can be)... and doing stupid things even though we "should have known better" is just part of being human...

'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.' As told to me by an endlessly patient boss in the bookshop where I worked with an impossibly high ratio of difficult customers. It really works, although it's hard to remember sometimes.

I've heard a quote but I can't remember it- but the gist is, don't waste time trying to imitate/ be like someone you admire, you're much better at being yourself..(and accepting that, and working how to 'do yourself' best!)

Nice list Cath. A lightbulb moment for me in adulthood was suddenly realising, profoundly: OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT ME. Therefore, my expectation of how they should behave, or how they see the world, are irrelevant at best. I think I'm fairly emotionally imm ature though so I look forward to much more wisdom as I age.

Ooo now these are rather fabulous... what a mind tickler. I'll need to think some on mine but all of these are certainly getting yes yes yeses ;) Some thoughts... Does a 'but' really cancel out a 'sorry'..?... not always I think. "I'm sorry I was late but the bus broke down" - I guess the distinction lies in whether there's an excuse or a reason following the 'but'...? Anyway, another great post Cath. Thank you :) Kx

yes, as Kylie exellently pointed out sorry and but are not always bad together. What I meant was sorry and then but like as if they cancel each other out "I'm sorry but you made me do it kind of thing. "

Read the Happiness Project book myself about a year ago and now have the urge to re read some it - a couple of chapters bored me a bit (can't remember which ones) but on the whole really enjoyed the bookAmanda xoxox

About Me

Hello. My name is Cath. I have a children's label called chunkychooky. It is a little dormant at the moment while I concentrate on My Bearded Pigeon.
Long ago I discovered that making things and general craftiness is much more fun than lots of other things like cooking and cleaning. Thankfully a midnight surprise feast involving lamb shanks and mashed potatoes , led me into the arms of a wonderful and tolerant Chef. He is a hoarder, I am a chucker/ giver-away-er. We have a 6year old -lets call her Busy* (also a hoarder) and a new little baby girl. We live on some acres on the edge of a little town with our big black friendly dog, Zac. This blog is about mothering, running a crafty business and trying to fit it all in *not her real name. Any questions: ilovechunkychooky@gmail.com