I recently had cause to visit the dentist for a tooth filling. This was not due to pain or difficulty on my part but was noted from an X-ray on a previous visit. Now I openly acknowledge that I am terrified of the dentist and my dentist is very aware of this fact.

So we started the procedure with a clear difference of understanding when the dentist enquired as to whether I wanted anaesthesia or we should ‘see how we go’. Oh yes my friend I want anesthetic, I want a bucket of it and a bloody big straw that is what I want! Having carried out the obligatory stabbing with a needle that is presumably designed to sedate horses we were ready to go with the immortal line “let me know if it hurts”.

To be clear I hate the dentist, anesthetic helps by removing any risk of pain and therefore needs to be maximised. Why on earth are you people rationing it? pour the bloody stuff in with a funnel and make certain I can’t feel anything. I couldn’t care less if my face is numb for a month I would rather that than the Russian roulette of ‘let me know if it hurts’. Since the dentist was clearly on some sort of conservation bonus for the anesthesia I proceeded to immediately yelp and take a second round of stabbing, you have to get up early to catch me out sunshine.

In other news a recent conversation with a customer revealed their jealousy at the easy lifestyle that I have and the fact that I own my own pub. Before I commence this can we be clear that I love my pub and everything about it. The pub is doing her best to pull in a good crowd and a reasonable income and I continue to do my utmost to facilitate that but let’s be clear it is a constant struggle.

Hidden in the depths of the pub is a money pit which I have to continually throw money into. In fact, I find it best to throw the money in as soon as I have accounted for it and extracted enough for the bills. Despite all the positive words and the fact that the plans for the building are roundly approved the ability to raise the capital and, perhaps more critically, the contingency weighs heavily when considering Capex projects. Whilst it is commonly argued that I have ‘years’ to achieve the tasks the truth is that each one of them impacts on the businesses ability to generate cash and therefore complete more tasks. She is not an easy mistress by any means.

In the absence of a Lotto win I will continue to balance the day-to-day repairs with the more significant Capex tasks whilst doing my utmost to realise the stock assets on hand. I am already conscious that we are rapidly heading out of season and by the end of this month my inventory needs to reflect this, yet another part of the juggling act that is the Plough.

Amongst the serious and stressful tasks there are nice highlights and this weeks would have to be my returning German tourists who brought with them a bottle of Jägermeister bearing the English flag. Apparently this was a special edition but, since nobody recalls seeing it in the UK, perhaps it was only issued in Germany? Maybe as part of some Brexit punishment?

The school run this morning gave me reason to wonder if alcohol is really the friend that men think. For all those men that seek solace in a pint of beer I would suggest that the school run should be compulsory viewing, the same for the lads that spend their weekend chugging shots.

This is another example of the inefficiency of the state. Millions are spent on safe sex messages that have no hope of connecting with a young audience. The NHS stock piles tons of condoms but can’t ever quite work out how to give them away even though they want to. The simplest and quickest way of demonstrating the importance of birth control is to take these people on the school run. Make them stand there on a Monday morning and observe the whole experience, we don’t want them to only see the highlights after all. Then take these young men back to a classroom and place a raw leg of lamb in front of them, dressed in a T-shirt. One simple question is all that is needed “this is a pain free version of your arm, could you chew through it before she woke up?”

In other news one of my fellow travellers this morning clearly took the ‘be more dog’ advert very seriously. Sitting on a bench at the station he had a cat curled up on his lap, I thought this was odd because I have not seen any strays frequent the station. When the train arrived the traveller and his cat boarded, apparently they were having a day out! Sadly he stayed on the slow train so I wasn’t able to see how far he travelled, I would have loved to see him and the cat on the metro.

On a personal note I have had one of those weekends when I have been comfortably confident in achieving my end goal. Views of my beloved Isle have filled several hours of the weekend and reminded me that it is home. It may not be where I live right now and I may not have lived there before but the comfort and familiarity that I find in both desolate winter scenes and their golden summer alternatives is all I need to know. There are some great opportunities at the moment but I am positive I will find what I need when I am back off ‘pause’.

I may have some significant hurdles still to overcome but my Physioterrorist is right when she says that I don’t give in and I don’t listen to advice that doesn’t suit me. I may walk an awkward path that doesn’t follow straight lines but it’s my path and it leads to my goals. I will achieve because it’s what I do, after all I’m typing this with hands that shouldn’t be able to aren’t I?

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