Tuesday, February 21, 2012

I have yet to post my experience about SS4, and I have it in my draft, and the draft itself is more than 2000 words, and I'm not even half finished, hmm probably 1/5? Hahaha. I'm taking my sweet time writing it as I don't want to forget anything, at all.

Let's just take a break for a minute.

Lately, I've been feeling kinda weary. I think I'm paranoid but hahaha should I really mention it here? I shouldn't. But this coincidence is just killing me, and what might literally kill me is that the other person doesn't even know what s/he just caused here. Paranoia is a serious disease. But it's just....why?

To the one I have come to care lately, I notice how stress has caused you to age faster than normal people do. You used to be so beautiful, so...youthful but now I can see the tiredness in your eyes. My friend has been telling me how beautiful you are, but when I look at you, I only see the unhappy, exhausted, weary person, not the weird but awesome guy with happy go lucky attitude I once knew. I wish I could take you away on a holiday just to give you some rest. I pray to God that He would send you someone who would take care of you. Please get some rest. And don't let what people say bother you because you're just awesome. People talk, that's what they do. Sighh. Hope telepathy works. Kyahh KYAHHH!! *thinking hard to send the signal*

Sunday, February 12, 2012

They say You know the best for me and I should have faith in Your judgements.

I believe in it all with all my heart, I really do. I know You'll only give me a pair of shoes that fits.

But right now I don't know which way I am heading in life. Everything I have decided on, the road I am currently on. I don't know if it's right. I don't know if my choice is really the choice You have made for me, or have I made the wrong choice?

I am too afraid to keep on living, yet too ashamed to die.

This road, the path I have chosen, where will it lead? Will I fail or will I succeed? They say my efforts determine my success, but in this matter, I don't think an effort is enough, as this is something I have no control over, nor can I do anything to make it work. But if I am so hopeless, then why did You put me on this path, my dear God Allah?

I wish I could be just like everyone else. I wish to be normal. I am not normal. The way I think, my rationale, the beating of my heart, they're just not normal and so out of control. Not extraordinary yet so unusual.

The past two days I have been very upset about what the people in my office secretly think of me. Talam dua muka, you know? Depan baik belakang Allahualam.

But here I have to remind myself of the advice I once gave to a homie:

"Why do you have to dwell over something someone you hardly care about said? You can't please everyone. At some point in life, you will meet someone who will do nasty things to you because that kind of people do exist, the kind that aren't afraid of God's punishments. What really matter is the people whom are dearly to you. The rest are just merely the supporting characters of your story. Just another passerby who would make your story interesting. What's a tale without a pig to slaughter?"

As for me, I can't really say I'm not bothered at all, because the makcik was actually someone I once respected, someone I looked up to. But turned out she's the thorn in the flesh (direct translation of duri dalam daging. You know?)

I'm gonna allow myself to feel vulnerable for awhile until I've finally gained my normal level of confidence: awesomeness. It's been awhile since I care about what people think of me. If she was some random person on the street, I'd brush it off, but since she's someone I know for sometime, I guess that's the reason why it bothers me so much.

I forgive easily, I really do. But only to those who say sorry. I don't simply forgive. The people who hurt me intentionally but never apologize can rot in Hell as far as I'm concerned.

My homies are away for too long. I guess the main cause of my depression is not because of the lies but because it's been awhile since I hangout and let loose.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

An innocent look can be deceiving. The pretty innocent face might bear the most evil thoughts.

Don't jump to conclusion and blame it all on the one that seems obvious. There's always the slightest chance that the person is in fact innocent.

No matter how nice you are to people, people will still do shitty things to you. No matter how hard you try to avoid people's attention on you and just do your own thing, there will always be that one bitch that will...well, bitch about you.

I go to work. I do my job. I go home. What the fuck did I ever do to you, you two-faced bitch? You must be stupid enough to not know that I can see you through the reflection. I don't have to say anything. Your accusations are just too stupid that I don't even have to defend myself.

Anyway, there's nothing that cannot be solved. There's always a way out.

Who am I?

Nur Hasliza Muhtar. Currently living in Johor Bahru, Malaysia.
The young one who never yawns. Home is not where you live, it's where your heart is.
Everybody grows up, you and I. The only difference is I stay young at heart while you grow old because you stopped having fun.