And so to Luuuuuurve Week, meaning the set became a nauseating shrine to DIY bargain-basement tackiness. Why? Truly, we may never know. It’s up there with the great mysteries of the age, like what was really in that briefcase in Pulp Fiction.

World Post Day (Oct 9) Who wants to see a tango expressing frustration at failing to get Royal Mail shares? I know I do!

Bramley Apple Pie Week (Oct 14–18) If you’re going to hit Craig in the face with a pie, at least support an industry while you do so

Conflict Resolution Day (Oct 17) Brucie, autocue – please bury the hatchet. THINK OF THE CHILDREN

National Bug Busting Day (Oct 31) Hello, cucarachas? I can’t believe I even need to suggest this one

ADHD Awareness Week (Oct 14–20) Sorry, what?

Aptly, everyone treated Luuuuuurve Week like an embarrassing school project foisted upon us by an overeager substitute teacher. Our pros used it to sneak past traditionally deathly dances like samba and male rumba, while the celebs expressed love through steely tactical choices (“Look at this adorable child. Do you want to see this adorable child cry? No? Well then you’d better vote for DADDY!”) and delightful passive aggression (“You know what I love? SHOVELLING HORSE CRAP!”). Put it this way: Richard Curtis is sleeping easy.