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Tactics, The Bully Boss’s First Brutal Tactic

by ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Do you think you may be a “target” of a “workplace bully?” If so, you probably are and I would like to offer my congratulations! First I will explain how you can tell for sure, then I’ll explain why this can be thought of as a event to celebrate.

The most amazing thing about workplace bullies is the similarities of their tactics. I was so perplexed by this at first. As I met one bully after another through my first decade of employment, I came to realize that although the bullies I encountered, didn’t know each other, or have any other shared history, it seemed as though they did.

That’s a hallmark of a workplace bully, the similarities of their tactics. It seems as though these people are some how related to each other or went to a class to learn the art of workplace bullying. Once you know one bully and understand the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, you’ll be prepared for the next one.

Targets usually come to the realization that they are being faced with a serious problem on their job, when the bully boss suddenly turns against them after an initial period of being very nice. One author described this as the “honeymoon phase”. Targets are often treated so nicely at first, that they feel favored. This tactic gives targets a false sense of security and potential with increasingly high expectations for the future on their job and with this boss. This first tactic or maybe I should say “attack”, is especially brutal for a number of reasons and intentionally made so by the bully.

The way serial bully bosses get to know their intended next targets are similar to how a serial killer stalks their intended next victim. Both the killer and the bully need to know their intended target/victim’s weaknesses. What are their vulnerabilities? How will the predator snare the prey into their traps. Bully bosses focus in on their intended target’s emotional vulnerabilities. They are expert at feigning shared values and encourage emotional intimacy. The unsuspecting target responds to this by sharing everything the bully needs to know to take them down.

This very first tactic is the most difficult for many. It was for me. Suddenly being turned against by someone you thought favored you is very confusing. Why would someone do that? It just doesn’t make sense. The pure insanity of the usually ridiculous accusations that these bully bosses come up with, are yet another hallmark of what targets can expect. Accusations are rarely related to the bottom line, which is productivity, or numbers of completed tasks and quality of those completed tasks. Instead, accusations are related to a target’s appearance, mannerisms and vague references to interactions with others. Examples or concrete evidence of real work deficiencies are rarely produced and when they are, are exaggerated, twisted and taken out of context. A bully boss will never tell a target who made the accusations because the accusations were never made!

In fact, any talk about the job performance of a target by others, is most likely very positive. I know this about targets because of what motivates bullies in the first place. Bullies are compelled to behave this way because of physical or emotional mental disorders. Some bullies have personality disorders, which are abnormal physical differences in their brains when compared to a normal brain. These physical abnormalities rob them of their empathy and their ability to think in ways that most of us do. Other bullies had harsh childhoods leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and shame. A subordinate’s good work performance will gain the attention of a bully who has fears that their own inadequacies will become more evident to others by the bases of comparison.

It’s amazing how consistent bullies are in this respect as well. They consistently choose the best people on their staff to target. Through the past few years I have read hundreds of emails, comments, and questions from targets of workplace bullies. The targets that I have interacted with, consistently and just about always, seem solid and intelligent in the way they express themselves. You would think that a web site about bully bosses would get all kinds of angry, disgruntled, stupid comments and responses. It has NEVER happened, can you believe it?

Bullies are also thought to feel satisfaction or some kind of pleasure when they elicit a troubled emotional response from their targets. If you think you detected a little smile on your bully’s face during a confrontation, you are right. The bully is literally happy that they were able to upset you.

It is not possible to reason with a bully about any of the issues or accusations that they make. It is not their intention to resolve issues. Their intention is to drag the target into battle with them in order to subjugate, control, then force them out of their jobs. No amount of effort on the target’s part will change the bully’s behavior.

Trying to work around the bully by reporting bullying behaviors to superiors or to Human Resources are also usually a wasted effort as the bully’s ability to convincingly deceive the perception of others is expert. The denial by their supporters is deep.

Workplace bullies are dangerous to the emotional and physical health of every target they choose. Whenever faced with danger it is always logical to put distance between you and the source of the danger. Whenever possible, the best advise is to QUIT THAT JOB !! But hold on just long enough to find yourself another job.

The best way to hang on to a job until better options are found is to NOT REACT to anything the bully says or does. This takes the joy and fun out of bullying. The second thing targets should be mindful of is being especially kind and helpful to coworkers. Never badmouth your bully boss. Instead, show concern and seem perplexed by bullying behaviors. It’s really tough for a bully boss to take down a well liked employee.

Lucky for you if your bully writes down a lot of their insanity in emails they send to you. Many bullies favor the use of email in which to harass their targets with. This is referred to as “cyber-bullying”. If your bully uses email, forward all of the emails to your home computer. On your home PC add in a comment section at the bottom, then document details of the incident that the email refers to. Doing this keeps things sane for me. Every time I look over the emails and my added comments, I validate to myself how real and how crazy this stuff is. Unfortunately, not many people have an understanding of how devastating workplace bullying can be but sharing some of these emails during an exit interview, may some how help someone. It would be even better though, if workplace bullying and mobbing became illegal. What could be better than the bully’s own written words to prove a case?

Once a target learns about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and understands that they were chosen by a bully because of what’s good about them, they can move on realizing how likely it is that they will find another job, with a boss who treats them with the respect that a person of their caliber deserves and should expect.

So to all new targets of workplace bullies, Congratulations in advance for your new positions and for being the very special people that you are. Sincerely, ABC

Tactics, The Bully Boss’s First Brutal Tactic

by ABC – AntiBullyingCrusador

Do you think you may be a “target” of a “workplace bully?” If so, you probably are and I would like to offer my congratulations! First I will explain how you can tell for sure, then I’ll explain why this can be thought of as a event to celebrate.

The most amazing thing about workplace bullies is the similarities of their tactics. I was so perplexed by this at first. As I met one bully after another through my first decade of employment, I came to realize that although the bullies I encountered, didn’t know each other, or have any other shared history, it seemed as though they did.

That’s a hallmark of a workplace bully, the similarities of their tactics. It seems as though these people are some how related to each other or went to a class to learn the art of workplace bullying. Once you know one bully and understand the “workplace bullying and mobbing phenomenon”, you’ll be prepared for the next one.

Targets usually come to the realization that they are being faced with a serious problem on their job, when the bully boss suddenly turns against them after an initial period of being very nice. One author described this as the “honeymoon phase”. Targets are often treated so nicely at first, that they feel favored. This tactic gives targets a false sense of security and potential with increasingly high expectations for the future on their job and with this boss. This first tactic or maybe I should say “attack”, is especially brutal for a number of reasons and intentionally made so by the bully.

The way serial bully bosses get to know their intended next targets are similar to how a serial killer stalks their intended next victim. Both the killer and the bully need to know their intended target/victim’s weaknesses. What are their vulnerabilities? How will the predator snare the prey into their traps. Bully bosses focus in on their intended target’s emotional vulnerabilities. They are expert at feigning shared values and encourage emotional intimacy. The unsuspecting target responds to this by sharing everything the bully needs to know to take them down.

This very first tactic is the most difficult for many. It was for me. Suddenly being turned against by someone you thought favored you is very confusing. Why would someone do that? It just doesn’t make sense. The pure insanity of the usually ridiculous accusations that these bully bosses come up with, are yet another hallmark of what targets can expect. Accusations are rarely related to the bottom line, which is productivity, or numbers of completed tasks and quality of those completed tasks. Instead, accusations are related to a target’s appearance, mannerisms and vague references to interactions with others. Examples or concrete evidence of real work deficiencies are rarely produced and when they are, are exaggerated, twisted and taken out of context. A bully boss will never tell a target who made the accusations because the accusations were never made!

In fact, any talk about the job performance of a target by others, is most likely very positive. I know this about targets because of what motivates bullies in the first place. Bullies are compelled to behave this way because of physical or emotional mental disorders. Some bullies have personality disorders, which are abnormal physical differences in their brains when compared to a normal brain. These physical abnormalities rob them of their empathy and their ability to think in ways that most of us do. Other bullies had harsh childhoods leaving them with feelings of inadequacy and shame. A subordinate’s good work performance will gain the attention of a bully who has fears that their own inadequacies will become more evident to others by the bases of comparison.

It’s amazing how consistent bullies are in this respect as well. They consistently choose the best people on their staff to target. Through the past few years I have read hundreds of emails, comments, and questions from targets of workplace bullies. The targets that I have interacted with, consistently and just about always, seem solid and intelligent in the way they express themselves. You would think that a web site about bully bosses would get all kinds of angry, disgruntled, stupid comments and responses. It has NEVER happened, can you believe it?

Bullies are also thought to feel satisfaction or some kind of pleasure when they elicit a troubled emotional response from their targets. If you think you detected a little smile on your bully’s face during a confrontation, you are right. The bully is literally happy that they were able to upset you.

It is not possible to reason with a bully about any of the issues or accusations that they make. It is not their intention to resolve issues. Their intention is to drag the target into battle with them in order to subjugate, control, then force them out of their jobs. No amount of effort on the target’s part will change the bully’s behavior.

Trying to work around the bully by reporting bullying behaviors to superiors or to Human Resources are also usually a wasted effort as the bully’s ability to convincingly deceive the perception of others is expert. The denial by their supporters is deep.

Workplace bullies are dangerous to the emotional and physical health of every target they choose. Whenever faced with danger it is always logical to put distance between you and the source of the danger. Whenever possible, the best advise is to QUIT THAT JOB !! But hold on just long enough to find yourself another job.

The best way to hang on to a job until better options are found is to NOT REACT to anything the bully says or does. This takes the joy and fun out of bullying. The second thing targets should be mindful of is being especially kind and helpful to coworkers. Never badmouth your bully boss. Instead, show concern and seem perplexed by bullying behaviors. It’s really tough for a bully boss to take down a well liked employee.

Lucky for you if your bully writes down a lot of their insanity in emails they send to you. Many bullies favor the use of email in which to harass their targets with. This is referred to as “cyber-bullying”. If your bully uses email, forward all of the emails to your home computer. On your home PC add in a comment section at the bottom, then document details of the incident that the email refers to. Doing this keeps things sane for me. Every time I look over the emails and my added comments, I validate to myself how real and how crazy this stuff is. Unfortunately, not many people have an understanding of how devastating workplace bullying can be but sharing some of these emails during an exit interview, may some how help someone. It would be even better though, if workplace bullying and mobbing became illegal. What could be better than the bully’s own written words to prove a case?

Once a target learns about the phenomenon of workplace bullying and mobbing and understands that they were chosen by a bully because of what’s good about them, they can move on realizing how likely it is that they will find another job, with a boss who treats them with the respect that a person of their caliber deserves and should expect.

So to all new targets of workplace bullies, Congratulations in advance for your new positions and for being the very special people that you are. Sincerely, ABC

Bullying in The News

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Fear in The Workplace: The Bully Boss.

By Benedict Carey

Published: June 22, 2004

Every working adult has known one — a boss who loves making subordinates squirm, whose moods radiate through the office, sending workers scurrying for cover, whose very voice causes stomach muscles to clench and pulses to quicken. It is not long before dissatisfaction spreads, rivalries simmer, sycophants flourish. Normally self-confident professionals can dissolve into quivering bundles of neuroses.

**Click on the link below to read the entire article in the New York Times;

This article was printed in the online addition of the NY Times on July 12, 2008 but was originally published June 22, 2004. I suspect that there was not very much public interest in this topic when it was first published in 2004 and most people probably skipped right over it after reading the words “Bully Boss”. Most people never heard of a “bully boss” and probably thought these words were made up by sniffling cry babies who were reprimanded for poor performance on their jobs. To the contrary, this article describes the phenomenon and it’s devastating affects in a way that gives the subject matter validity and substance. This is a great article, in a global publication which is sure to reach millions of readers. Thank you New York Times for giving us one more way to spread the word about workplace bullying and mobbing. Let’s all learn as much as we can today, so that we can all Recognize it, Name it, and End Workplace Bullying and Mobbing Together! ABC

The Day of The Bully and The Saint.

The True Story of The First Brutal Emotional Assault by My Bully Boss. ABC

Praise God! He gave us a miracle, a REAL miracle! My Husband Mat’s biopsy showed NO abnormal cells, NONE. Less than a month ago the doctor said he’d have to have the bottom third of his esophagus removed, then immediately after the endoscopy, done to plan the surgery, she said we might be able to take a “watch and see approach”.He would need endoscopy tests every 3 months, and NOW, because of the biopsy reports, she’s saying he doesn’t need to have another endoscopy for a YEAR! There are no longer, any signs of cancer!I believe he is truly healed, and not just based on what the doctor is saying. He even LOOKS and feels healed! I swear, just 3 weeks ago after the doctor gave us the bad news and we were waiting for the endoscopy on the 18Th, he felt like a weak rack of bones when I hugged him, and when I looked into his eyes, he literally looked like he was dying. Every day he seemed worse and worse until the night before the endoscopy.

That’s when the miracle began. On Thursday the 17Th, the day I’ll always remember as the day that started with a devastating emotional blow from a Bully and ended with a miraculous healing from a Saint. If it hadn’t been for the Bully, I would have never been led to the Saint.

Mat was at his worse that morning when we got up, this being the day before the endoscopy and I got to work late. My boss knew how upset I was about Mat’s cancer. She emailed me the day before asking that I meet with her and a Human Resource representative to “discuss my needs”. As soon as I came in, I was led to a tiny room, no windows. I had always thought that this room, door always closed, was a closet. It contained just a small round table and three chairs. I felt claustrophobic, then anxious as I realized their expressions and body language weren’t supportive at all, nothing even close. I was afraid, they looked confrontational and I soon realized, as the first words spilled out, that this meeting had nothing to do with support, but had everything to do with taking me down, taking me down hard and brutally, emotionally.

My Bully Boss started by giving me a hard time about being late and then threw in an accusation that I’m intimidating to subordinates like data entry clerks, all younger women than myself. This left me reeling, as I knew these accusations were ridiculous. I’ve always enjoyed warm relationships with these younger women, never having a daughter of my own. They looked up to me and came to me with their problems, but now this!?! I asked what I did that was intimidating and was told they didn’t need to tell me that. As I explained my perspective of my relationships with these younger women, giving examples of my warm interactions with them, my Boss kept rolling her eyes and clicking her tongue for the benefit of the Human Resource representative. I was called a liar as I cried feeling totally stunned and disrespected by all of this.

This specific feedback was especially hard for me because I’ve always been very vocal about how important it is to treat people respectfully regardless of who they are or what the circumstances and about my views against “leading by intimidation” as I called it, before anyone heard the word “bullying”.

Just a few months previously, I spoke to my Boss privately. One of my coworkers confided in me that she wanted to sue the agency. She felt the Boss was nit picking and was yelling at her behind closed doors. I thought it was important that the Boss know this perception, which I didn’t believe. I thought it odd however, that the boss (whom I didn’t think of as a Bully yet), didn’t deny the nit picking. I was then taken aback by her glib inquiry as to why I cared, as she stated that the agency attorneys would take care of it and that I shouldn’t worry. I explained that I cared because my coworker was a person and had been a good worker up until the recent hysterectomy that she was recovering from. I suggested that our co-worker’s performance might improve if a supportive approach was taken and asked her to back off with the nit picking. The very next day I was saddened to hear that this coworker was transported to a psychiatric facility directly from a meeting she was in, with the Boss and a Human Resource representative. I remember thinking how sad it was that this coworker was mentally ill.

Now in retrospect I realized that my coworker was emotionally injured and it was the boss who was mentally ill! I had become her next target!

I ended up working so late that night, having been left unable to concentrate while crying at my desk. There was just one data entry clerk left in the office when I was finally ready to go. She’d only been with the agency a few months so I barely knew her. Mat was just sitting in my office waiting for me. So I went out into the big room where the data entry clerk was, sat down, and told her that I got negative feedback about how I come across to people and asked her how she, and the other data entry clerks feel about the way I am with them. She looked me in the eyes and said, “ABC, you are perceived as a women of God”. I believe that’s the highest compliment I ever got in my entire life. It touched me so much, I cried. I then confided that I was very concerned about Mat and told her about the endoscopy. She asked if she could pray with us which I said yes to. So she came into my office, and the three of us just prayed and prayed. At 9 PM, the security guard said we had to leave, so we went outside where she prayed even more, some of it in tongues! I felt so blessed and Mat did too.

From that day forward, Mat just got better and better and better. Today, he looks NORMAL and when I hug him, I don’t feel his bones any more. He feels strong and firm. He must have put on 20 or 30 lbs. He seems happy again and back to his normal self emotionally and mentally. He’s even been ready for work on time! All of this in just 10 days!I believe our lives were touched by a Saint that night.

I’m sorry I was so wordy, but I’m just so happy to be able to share the story of this miracle with you.The day Ill always remember as the day of the Bully and the Saint. ABC

Work Place Bullying and Mobbing” are terms that most people in the United States are unfamiliar with, although according to the Workplace Bullying Institute’s – Zogby survey on workplace bullying, this problem is of epidemic proportions affecting 49% of workers nationally.

Workplace bullying is defined by the Workplace Bullying Institute as repeated, health-harming mistreatment in the form of verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, and humiliation.This is a silent epidemic in that 49% of workers still deny observing this phenomenon in their workplaces. Work place bullying is often done covertly, behind closed doors, most frequently by serial bullies who chose one target at a time.

The bully often employs the help of the “target’s” coworkers, which is called “mobbing”. Gossip and rumors of half or twisted truths about the target, are one of the primary tactics used by bullies to manipulate coworkers into participating in the abuse as well as isolating the target.

What’s so strange about this phenomenon is that targets are usually better than average employees who are cooperative and start off popular with coworkers. The target is devastated by the abuse and isolation that she/he doesn’t understand nor know how to stop because there is no reason for the abuse!

Bullies usually have personality disorders or other physical or emotional mental disorders that rob them of their empathy and compels them to behave in this way. The motivation is usually to get rid of someone who’s good performance is a threat to their own feelings of inadequacy or to control and subjugate their target.

Once chosen as a target there is a 77% chance that the target will quit, be fired, or commit suicide within 2 years. After elimination of the “target”, the bully is compelled to choose a new target within 2 days to 2 weeks.

Short newspaper and magazine articles printed in the United States fail to drive home the complexity and seriousness of this abuse of power, which is similar to the abuse of power in sexual harassment cases.

This abuse often leads to depression, anxiety and complex posttraumatic stress disorder as well as dozens of stress related physical health problems. Many targets become disabled for life.

The number of people and hours involved in bullying/mobbing campaigns is likely our largest, hidden, expense in business today.

As the word gets out about this phenomenon, workers who have been targeted by workplace bullying and mobbing are starting to speak up. In Connecticut the first anti-bullying support group, “Connecticut Bully busters” held their third meeting on August 29th. Meetings are facilitated by Professor Katherine Hermes, our state’s coordinator for the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, in Bellingham, WA. Meetings are held monthly, at Central Connecticut State University.

Connecticut is the 12th state since 2003 to introduce a version of the “The Anti-bullying Healthy Workplace Bill for Connecticut, 2007. This bill died in Judiciary Committee and was never voted on to move to the Senate floor. Despite this set back, advocates of the movement continue to hope that Connecticut will be the first state to pass this legislation.

To learn more about Bullybusters, or to follow the progress and how to support this important bill, go to this Internet link: