Ill Postino & Kid Unemployed (The Choose Your Own Adventure Version)

Story: I don't know if any of you have trouble receiving mail on a daily basis, even if just wasted trees littered with advertisements on the faces of them. I'm sure this is a problem in many other places but I'm wondering why mail here in this building specifically, if not all of South Park, is so sporadic. For example, I just checked my mail and it was the first time I had anything for six delivery days. Six! And guess what? My mailbox was stuffed with bills and junk mail. It's not like my mailbox is hidden behind a mini-palm tree (if there is one) or guarded by a three-headed wolf-dog (again, if there is one). It's right there attached to the wall, sticking out as if begging to be filled. And yet somehow, like a red-headed stepchild, it gets ignored.

So I started wondering what it would be like if I received unemployment checks and lived hand to mouth, unemployment paycheck to unemployment paycheck. If my mail was randomly delivered, budgeting would be fairly difficult. And if I actually did enjoy the junk mail and coupons, there would be a pretty decent chance that by the time I received notice of a sale, it would be over with or the already "limited supply" would have suffered a fate much worse than limited.

On the other hand, the USPS has taken some big hits lately. A few months ago I received notice that they were closing a nearby office. The letter was more like a never-ending scroll of zip codes that would be "affected" and mine was right at the top. So maybe that has something to do with it. Not sure why the mail system is taking a hit. I can only assume it has something to do with competition from other delivery options but I'm sure that's not all of it. Technology, maybe. Whatever. Either way, they're hurting and it shows.

The Game: I'm going to tell a story but you will choose whether it's through the eyes of a poor person waiting for their unemployment check or through the eyes of an over-worked, underpaid postal worker in South Park. At the end of each installment will be an option to further their story and adventure.

Rules: The first response in the comments section will be the chosen direction. If you are following along and it goes a direction you don't want it to go, have no fear. These choose your own adventure stories tend to come back around to the beginning a few times before it's all said and done.

To Start: To be the poor person waiting for their unemployment check, turn to page 4. To be the overworked, underpaid postal worker in South Park, turn to page 7.

Quite honestly, Pete, I'm not sure how Pike came up with that one but, well, that's his brain-child.

As for "Page 4," I will write that soon. Unfortunately Hulu is removing the first nine episodes of Season 5 at 2am tonight before they put on the remainder of that season and I'm at the last 2 episodes of Season 4. Therefore I have about 11 episodes to watch in a short period of time. I think it can be done, though. I'm a trooper. But yes, Pete was the first to make a request so I will put up Page 4 in the comments section soon. No use filling the blog site with my lunacy. I'll keep it to the post itself.

Basically, SD, I'm ranting about the fact that for some reason my mail service here sucks. Instead of just saying "My mail service here sucks," I thought I'd try to have a little fun and make an interactive story out of it. And yes, there is a small touch of boredom for motivation.

It's 6:34pm on a Tuesday. I haven't received mail in nearly a week, last Wednesday to be exact. I was supposed to get my unemployment check last Friday. I've positioned myself while looking for jobs on Craigslist so that I can see out the window in case the mailman comes. Since we're having a bit of a warm spell, I thought I'd bring him some water. With cyanide.

I don't really have any cyanide handy, in case you're wondering. Besides, I'm no murderer. I just want my money. Wouldn't you? Sure, there's a lot of junk mail that comes along with everything but it doesn't matter. Again, I just want my money.

During breaks from the job search, my mind constantly wanders to why I am getting no mail. Am I being watched by the FBI and they're monitoring my mail, opening it first before I get it? Or is it much less sinister and the accuracy of the term "snail mail" is directly on point? Whatever it is, something has to change. And if I really do want that unemployment check, it's obvious I have to make that happen myself. South Park's not getting any cheaper.

To plan out a phone call to file a complaint, turn to page 9. To plan out a conversation with the mailman the next time he comes, turn to page 12.

"I've positioned myself while looking for jobs on Craigslist so that I can see out the window in case the mailman comes. Since we're having a bit of a warm spell, I thought I'd bring him some water. With cyanide."

That's a nice idea. Maybe it'll even give John Q. Psycho a great idea for next summer.

What makes you think you have the same mail carrier every day? Are you sure there's even a carrier assigned to your route at all, or is it a vacant position? What if amid the restructuring, perhaps a section of a route (where you are) simply fell through the cracks due to an administrative oversight? That sounds like a very good possibility to me.

You can easily find the direct line to your individual office as well. Go to the office locator and put in your address. When your office comes up in the list, click "More Info."

There's nothing more irritating to an exhausted, rushed substitute mail carrier than to get stuck in an unwanted conversation with some pssed-off, longwinded a-hole who wants to hold him/her up for 10 minutes btching about what somebody else did or didn't do. The person you're jumping on a.)probably isn't the person responsible for the error, and b.)definitely can't do a damn thing about what some other employee did. You're wasting his/her time, your time, and accomplishing nothing.

Call a supervisor and stress THEM out. They get paid to listen to b*tching. Carriers don't, and don't have time for it.

LMAO! I spot mail cvarriers all the time sleeping in their trucks out here in CMR. They risk doing so with a VERY large dstribution center right across the street from me. The mailman doesn't give a f***. He or she is union and know they're not going anywhere soon.

AG, it is the same guy delivering my mail as it has been since I moved in here back in April. No one new, no restructuring issues, the same guy. Furthermore, I did make a complaint (over the phone with a "manager") about three or so months ago. Yes, this has been an issue several times in a six month period. The next day, I had a stuffed mailbox full of mail (including late notices from local bills such as SDGE sent a full week before). My mail then came regularly/daily, even if just those "Have you seen me" cards for missing people. Things were fine until about three weeks ago when I've only received mail four times in three weeks.

I wish I could put "blame" or my ill feelings towards the system on this one because I don't like to single anyone out like that... unless they deserve it. This mailman deserves it. I have seen him walk right past my building before and go to the one next door to deliver mail. There are two other apartments in my building so I know he didn't pass me up simply because I didn't have any mail. I have asked my neighbors about it and even they see an issue with it.

Should I complain again? Nah. Fool me once, shame on you, blah blah blah. So I'm choosing my battles with the mailman. However, if this continues, I will take it to a higher power than just the manager. If the guy doesn't want to do his job, I'll freakin' do it. But if I have to, I'll write letters to whomever will listen until this nonsensical lack of mail stops. I have a lot of time on my hands to do this, too. I'm not super angry about it but the annoyance level is rising.

Oh, and I don't care if any substitute mail person, or anyone acting as a substitute in any job for that matter, gets irritated. Welcome to your job, your route or not. You don't like it, quit. Work somewhere else. As the saying goes, s*** rolls downhill and that is true in every job, let alone every facet of societal life.

I once needed to get something mail-related done in San Diego, and was advised to send a Registered Letter to the Postmaster of San Diego. I got results immediately. Here's a link to the recent memo about closures in your area. The mailing address for the current PM of San Diego is at the bottom of it.