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Please proof my Personal Statement for my application

Hi folks,
I am a student from Shanghai, China who is in want of oversea studies which will deeply excavate my academic potentiality. Now I am preparing for the application materials. I experienced quite a lot time on writing them, but I know that there are quite a lot problems. Could you please offer me a hand revising on them? Thanks a with all my heart.

Actually the deadline of the application is coming I really needs your quick help! Thanks again!

The following is just the personal statement. If you have the time, please help on the revision of my recommendation letter which attached as doc file.

Thanks!

Every dreamer (not the visionary) should have a different inspirational story in the depth of their hearts. Everyday I dream and desire to transcend myself and I also have a multiple of moving stories. But none will understand that the most favorite story for me is The Story of My Life. Not everyone would be found to like every aspect of it, though. I understand that it is precisely because it only makes me to love life, to be infatuated with science as well as to have strong confidence in the belief, to be persistent; more importantly, just because of it only makes me to decide to apply HKU, hoping that the HKU will maximally improve my vision of science, sublime my scientific accomplishment, and to excavate my potentiality of research.
The story wrote by my life comprises of several episodes each profoundly imprints on my soul. This story started with a remote village which gave birth of me. It is really a place to write home about: in Spring, where flowers bloom in a riot of color, diverse birds sings with joyfully melody; in Summer, the trees make a pleasant shade around the village, the vegetable in the garden vegetate vigorously; in Autumn, the trees in the orchards hinge thickly with fruit, parents are all busy for harvesting the crops; in Winter, the snowflakes are dancing in the air creates white tale world, we children indulge in snowball fights. The electronic toys, cartoon, sweet candies didnít occupy my childhood, but I make friends with Nature, my heart scampers on the steep hills and green field. I live in the proximity with Nature, always immersed in the beauty of it, thus making me to be fulfilled love for life. On the other hand, the Nature hides the truth from my eyes and often puzzled me very much. As a child I would ask couples of questions like: why the flowers only bloom in the Spring? What caused the flash of lighting comes earlier than the thunder? All these experiences result in the very primary but keen love for science. I desire to decipher a myriad of puzzles existed in our world. Until today, I still maintain such heavy enthusiasm. Eversince the moment I was informed the elusive property of stem cell, as the lightings or flowers I saw when I am a child, I eager to understand why and how the stem cells can self-renewal and directed differentiation.
The trials of life are either not predictable or easy to acceptance. However, they are meantime the most worthy and cherishable period to live in. It may be safe to categorize my life as suffered, but I am clear that what I learnt from the suffering is much more than what lost from it. All the trials of my life centered in the tragedy of my fatherís unfortunate death at a young age. I was only nine years old the moment I was cruelly deprived of fatherhood. That is in a outlying virgin forest where my father, as a lumberjack, was hit by a accidental rapidly felled branch in the size of bowl. For a long time after the funeral our family is still in the pain over losing my father. But we have another emergency to worry about which is how to afford my tuition fee. I need to register the school again and my little brother will soon be enrolled by the elementary school. In fact my mother is a strong woman who doesnít want to borrow too much from the relatives. So my mother raises a lot of livestock, pigs, sheep, cattle and fishes. We also ploughing and weeding on a large farmland. As to lighten heavy burden from my mother, I like to help him on mowing grass for cattle and fishes, herding sheep and farm work, etc. I had to read textbooks and write homework under the glimmering orange light. Though I have more time on the work I try my best to squeeze time to study as more as possible. Little by little my mother and I earn enough money from the vegetable, the crops, and the livestock to support the studies of me and my little brother which help us to have the chance to finished the courses from elementary school to primary school, from primary school to middle school, and finally to the university. Although I was regretful for that I lose a lot of time not on study, this special experience poses great positive effects on the formation of my firm personality. It tells me to be optimistic, to bravely confront the difficulty and to never say no to your ability. Only confidence, persistence, diligence, belief can bring us hope. It is doubtless that my perseverance deeply rooted in heart will enable me to explore research farther than others. There are merely several primary works done by researchers on the stemness maintenance and differentiation of stem cell taking advantage of bioinformatics. I equally hope that my commitment to this work will make several important contributions on the regenerative medicine.
The period of my university largely impacts me in other respects. I, starting from the beginning of the application, am apprehensive with my moderate exam score. In order to pay for the university fee, I had to do a lot of part-time jobs. I once worked as car market investigator, telephone promotion specialist, workshop worker, campus representative of software training company, and home tutor. If enough time is given, I believe that I can work very well. The performance of my work and the National Graduation Admission Examination after my graduation should offer a strong argument for that hypothesis. Both of the thorough knowledge in biology and crazy for mathematical and philosophy makes me understand that the organism, as a complex system, cannot be interpreted by traditional reductionism while bioinformatics is exactly such a perfect tool. I believe that it can surely perform its huge effect in transcriptomics, proteomics, epigenetics, as well as other thriving disciplines in the post genomic era. However, bioinformatics must be based on the biological hypothesis, which requires the bioinformaticians should first as an excellent biologist, which is especially true for the who is with a biological background. We should first learn to how to obtain the first hand data, through this to find more valuable biological phenomena. And this is the major reason that I decide to leave East China Normal University where I cannot accept strict training on biology experiments. Actually I the renowned programs in HKU have attracted me for a long time. I once attended a seminar on the introduction for studies in hk. I know that hku has many very distinguished scholars like xxx. And I really thirsty for a more much more liberal, energetic, creative, and commit academic environment. I believe that if I am fortunate enough to be enrolled by HKU, I will put my potentiality into a full play.
I am always struggling and I really need such an opportunity.