Gosh, as hard as times have been I feel really good about the sweet moments in life. I have had some really pure moments. Those moments when you have a second to reflect and enjoy someone’s company. I love that feeling. It makes me feel alive. I had a moment like that last night. I thought, these are the moments we fall in love. With life. With each other. With relationship. And God. None of that romantic mushy gushy stuff. (Don’t get me wrong, I looooove that stuff. I am as big of a sap as the next gal.) But real genuine enjoyment. I thank God for those moments and I intend on working hard to see those moments when they are happening. I need those times to help me push through the struggle.

So here’s the deal. I have been bad. I have been stressed. I have been hurting. I have been going through a bit of a rough time. My life as friends would say ‘is in shambles’. My heart is hurting. My mind is endlessly moving. Needless to say all of these things have created a difficult time in the weight loss journey. So I skipped a week, I ate terrible and didn’t fit in an ounce of physical activity.

April 5th, 2010

Starting weight: 260 lbs.

Last “weeks” weight: 190 lbs.

Current weight: 190.2 lbs.

Weekly loss: +0.2 lbs.

Total loss: -69.8 lbs.

Ok so I gained a bit. That doesn’t worry me so much. What scares me is that I don’t have much resolve to say, let jump back on. Let’s go.

I am tired and exhausted. I am unmotivated. I am fed up. I want to push through this next week.

One Year! WOW. 365 days ago I started this journey. A journey of self discovery. Of new beginnings. Closed doors and open windows. An emotional roller coaster. Series of battles all with unique calls. Transforming moments. And forgetful days. What a crazy unique experience. I do not think I can put into words the experience. I am not upset about too much after this year. I feel good about the accomplishments I have made. I get nervous that at times it seems that I can never loose enough and be happy. How skinny is skinny enough? The emotional questions rage through my brain. But I can say this. When I look at recent pictures of myself, I feel a bit of pride. I can reflect on the hard work I have put in and hope to accomplish even more in the next year. So congratulations self, here is to another year. 🙂

Yipppppppeeeeee! I love losing. It means the world to me. goodness. I just wish every second was so easy. One week until a year. I want to lose this week. When I started this adventure I wanted to have lost 80 pounds by the one year mark. It will be seventy something. And I think I am okay with that. Lets do it! 🙂

Well the 1 year mark is just around the corner. Can you believe it? Things are slow. I want this buuuuut not bad enough to stop eating JUNK!!! If I would have stayed on track this weekend. I would have done great. Instead I barely lost. Shooooot. Well a loss is better than a gain. Take it for what it is worth.

March 8th, 2010

Starting weight: 260 lbs.

Last weeks weight: 192.0 lbs.

Current weight: 191.8 lbs.

Weekly loss: -0.2 lbs.

Total loss: -68.2 lbs.

As far as the rest of my life. CRAZYNESS! Parent/Teacher conferences are just around the corner. And then spring break. I love the kiddos but I could use the break. This Friday I am going to the Suns vs. Lakers Game. YAY! Anyways, back to the grind.

Ok so tomorrow could be a rough one. Not sure how rough but I took a little vacay to Salt Lake City this weekend. I was not moderate in eating by any stretch of the imagination. I would like to console myself by saying ‘well, I was on vacation’ but unfortunately the scale doesn’t see vacation the came way I do. I think i will be getting back on track when I get back to the grind tomorrow. This week should be hard work for me but good work. I want to push myself. I want to work out hard and to eat well. I can do it. I know I can. This no soda thing has been hard but worked out better than I expected. I enjoy it and I hope I can keep soda as a treat. I hope that will create a good habit and free up some points that I have been using. Anyways, I feel pretty positive about life and things in general. I have new efforts to love and battle the temptations in the desert this Lent. Jesus help me.

So Fat Tuesday has become eat a little bit less moderately than usual. But I will take it. Tomorrow lent starts. It is an important time in life. Great for reflecting and listening. God is calling and we can use this time to hear his call. It will also hopefully help me to do even better with weight loss. Considering I will be giving up things (ie soda) also, it is a time for fasting and a time to not let yourself indulge.