Friday, November 20, 2009

Notes for my sweetheart the drunk

Everyone has those moments in time where everything stops. Time stands still and an image is frozen forever in your mind. No matter where life takes you, when you think of that time, that moment, that place, or view, you are right back there and everything is the same. For me, one of those moments involves a girl named Ann.

Background Details (to set the stage):

I met Fred at club. I was 17 or 18 and had gone out for a rare night of fun with a friend. Even rarer still was that there was even a club in Baton Rouge for people our age. Club M. Looking back it was a cheap, stupid place to hang. It was a converted church, the big fellowship hall converted for moshing. Dank and churchy smelling bathrooms, gravel lot. The works. My fellow club goers that night were the usual. Steven was moshing by him self and throwing himself into a pole (so funny and so lame), Michael (my friend) and her sisters were trying to mack with the long haired guys, and I was kinda feeling left out. The usual. Loud music, classmates I didn't like, expensive drinks, etc... This was back when the legal limit was 18. How old am I. Anyway, midnight comes around and Michael says we have to go soon. Her mom is coming to get us. Shit, just when I was warming up to the social scene. "I don't fucking want to go home," I yelled. That's where Fred comes in. Up walks this hot looking guy and says "Where do you want to go?" WTF! He was very cute and talking to me. Long story short, I left with Fred. He was a catholic school guy and very sweet. Very tall. Had a beautiful silver moonbeam like streak in the front of his hair. We stayed out till 5:00 am just talking. We had a great time. It was awesome, we totally got each other. Me and a Catholic High guy? Hell was sleeting, sleeting I tell you.

We hung out quite a bit that summer. He was smart and sweet and handsome and liked me. It was weird, but what the hell. He liked that I was so far away from all his other friends and that I didn't know anybody else he did. It was like we had each other to ourselves. He has a girlfriends and looking back I see this was a bit of a line. But, I didn't care. We had fun, made out, a little mouth nooky here and there, teenage stuff...

So, summer is over and school starts. We've lost touch a bit and he calls. He's having a big party and invites me and some friends to come. At the party we are all laughing and joking and talking about how we met. I, innocently I may add, say that Fred and I kinda dated over the summer. Fred gets the blankest look on his face and then says, knife poised ready to stab through my heart, "Oh, yeah. We did do that, huh?"

!!!!!!What????!!!!!

I was devastated. Do you know how hard it is to give head to a guy in a gremlin when he only has maybe five inches to work with? Well, actually, not that hard. You get the idea. I was floored. Surely we had shared some special moments? I waited a few minutes and went outside to sulk.....

Here we go, the real story:

I grabbed a drink and a lounge chair outside by the pool and was determined to drink my self pity away. And, I saw her.

Ann.

Long brown hair. Long legs. Dancing and gyrating, beer in hand. Spinning and twirling.

She was dancing in an empty pool. All alone, not a care in the world. The most melodic music I had ever heard was playing on a small cd player sitting on the ledge of the pool. I sat and watched for for what seemed like hours. Sipping my drink and thinking of how beautiful a scene I was beholding. I softly asked what she was listening to. "Jeff Buckley" she replied. I had never heard of him, but would never forget him from that night on. I had looked at women before, seen them as beautiful, complex creatures. Wondered what made the pretty ones tick and the ugly ones sad. I had felt attraction before, but always pushed it back. Telling myself that it was wrong, that I was screwed up for thinking those thoughts. That someone would know. Not that night. That night, as I looked at that dancing girl in the pool, it broke free. It felt right, that desire, that longing, the need to feel someone so close. That night, I became officially bisexual.

I'd love to tell you that she noticed me, too, That we fucked like rabbits. But, no. No such thing. I sauntered back to the inside of the party and left her dancing by herself. She barely noticed I was there, yet I never forgot she was.

A few months later I saw her again at a frat party. Turns out, she was a slut. A friend I went with said she hit all the keggers and got shitfaced/laid at all of them. I saw her up close. She wasn't really all that, she was o.k. Do-able. Eh, still nothing could take away that night. I think of it everytime I hear "Last Good-bye"....must I dream and always see your face....

A few months later I had my first full fledged crush on a girl. She worked at the bookstore. I worked at Natural Wonders, right across from Waldenbooks. I would go in everyday to look at her. She was so beautiful. Half-Vietnamese.Super smart and smart ass/sassy. Black hair, brown black eyes. Her name was Ann, too.

What is it about Anns? Anyway, the memories came to this week after I dug out my old cds. Just thought I'd share.

Note: Never saw Fred after this party. Heard he went to Texas A&M for college. Go figure. He really was small.