I'm super excited about my birthday this year. My birthday falls on Canada Day, our equivalent to the Fourth of July, so there are always lots of festivities. There is a parade that goes right by our house, and lots of other fun things to do. It's nice to feel like the whole country is celebrating along with you! Isabel has even been practicing singing Happy Birthday.

I know this is a long weekend for many of you. I hope all of my Canadian friends have a wonderful Canada Day and that my friends to the south enjoy their Fourth of July!

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

I've been distant. Quiet. I know.

The truth is I've been going through something. All my life I've been considered a "worrier." If you were to ask any of my friends, they'd probably say I have a lot of stress, much of it self imposed, and kind of on the irrational (ok, crazy) side. I've been finding over the last couple of years, culminating in the last several months, that my anxiety levels have been getting to a point that is crippling.

All of my life I've believed that if I just powered through, kept moving, I could get past the uncomfortable feelings. I recently came to the quiet revelation that I've been doing mental health all wrong and that maybe my constant feeling of dread and worry wasn't normal, especially when things are generally ok.

The turning point for me was releasing this last pattern collection. I've been so worried that things aren't good enough, that people will be disappointed, that something is wrong, that I've been terrified to write about them. I need to work on a new collection for my lingerie shop, which is looking rather ragged, but I have the feeling that nothing will ever be good enough. I open my email with dread and some days can't even bring myself to check because I'm afraid that something is wrong. I have no reason to feel this way. I am a good designer. I've worked hard to build a fairly successful business.

Thinking about these feelings made me realize how afraid I was for Isabel, and my compulsive need to make sure she is ok. My irrational worries that she will get out of her crib, through her locked door, past the baby gate, down the stairs, out of our locked house, and come to some terrible end out in the world. It's a terrible feeling to constantly have with you.

Since buying this new house, my anxiety has shot through the roof. I feel like there is a lot of "unknown" which is really terrifying for me. I have constant stress over finances when I really don't need to. I have constant stress over the state of our house, when reality is I live in a beautiful old home that much of the major work has been completed. When I sit and think rationally about my anxieties, none of them make sense, but I just can't stop. I almost constantly have that tight feeling in my chest, like the way you feel before writing a big test that you're not quite prepared for. I wake up this way, and when I do fall asleep, I have stressful dreams.

Mix all this with an unhealthy dose of intrusive thoughts, and I decided that maybe something wasn't firing quite right and that I needed some help. As someone who DIY's everything, saying this was a big step is a bit of an understatement.

I always thought my Anxiety was a mixed blessing. Sure, it stopped me from sleeping or actually getting to know any of the many amazing people in my life, but it compelled me to work, work, work! In hindsight, none of my best work has been done in periods of high anxiety. It's not a good motivator and it's definitely not good for business. In fact, it's been crippling my business over the last few months.

So, I'm trying something new. I've been doing self care things for months, like exercise, but it hasn't been cutting it. I've been getting a lot of new insight into the way I think over the last week and it's really been a revelation. I've started on some medication, picked up yoga again, started a "worry journal" (which sounds lame but feels helpful), have enrolled in some support groups and hopefully will have some one-on-one care soon. Unfortunately, there is a wait list for mental health care in our area, so that has been frustrating for me, but it feels good to be getting help.

I wanted to write this to explain a little to you what's been going on with me. I haven't been myself for a while now. I've always wanted this blog to be a place where I can share real life: it's good times and it's not so good times... I hate that persona that people put online where thing are 100% perfect 100% of the time #bestlife #blessed. Reaching out for help was extremely difficult for me, and I want anyone know is going through something similar to know it's ok! We would never judge a friend who is going through these things, so I don't know why we judge ourselves so harshly.

Thanks for listening, and mostly, thanks for caring about me. If anyone has any similar experiences, I'd love to hear.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Sleep masks are something that I added to my Lingerie Shop a couple years ago. Over the years, I like to think I've perfected my technique and learned a thing or two about how to put a nice mask together. Sleep Masks are something that I have a lot of fun sewing. I like taking a basic pattern and figuring out small changes I can make to turn it into something really unique.

You might remember me talking (or ranting on twitter) about my battles with some pretty hardcore insomnia over the years. Whenever I feel a bout of sleeplessness coming on, I thrown on my favourite sleep mask. Something about the ritual of putting it on helps put me in the mindset for sleep. Well, that and Sleep With Me Podcast (a serious life saver). So, I can truly say that these are personally tried and tested (and loved).

I wanted to add a few patterns to my Pattern Shop that would be more suitable for people who are just learning how to sew. The Ultimate Sleep Mask Pattern does require you to have some basic sewing skills, like how to use a sewing pattern, how to cut fabric, and the basics of how to sew a seam, but other than that, it is a great starting point!

My Sleep Mask Pattern makes use of materials and supplies you can find at almost any sewing shop. You may even be able to get everything you need at your local craft store! It just takes a small amount of fabric, (a fat quarter will do!), some cotton for lining, cotton quilt batting, and a strip of any type of elastic (though I like to use Fold Over Elastic). One of my pattern testers even suggested using long ribbons for ties. I've done something similar on one of my Silk Sleep Masks.

The Ultimate Sleep Mask Pattern allows you to make a basic mask, with tips on using lightweight fabrics like satin, a mask with sleep-eye embroidery, or cute little animal masks in the shape of a kitty, bear, fox, and bunny. I already have plans on a quick and easy tutorial on how to make a Panda mask! I've even had the idea of cutting little eye holes to make fun costume masks for kids.

I've spent a lot of time and attention on providing some extra in-depth photos for this latest collection of patterns. I have tried to make my instruction manuals both useful and beautiful! I really hope you enjoy sewing this pattern. I think it's something a little different (and also makes a great handmade gift! I'm currently in the process of making a batch out of some heirloom fabric for a friend).

Friday, June 3, 2016

It's here! It's pretty much here! I've drafted, tested, graded, trued, sewed samples, tested, received feedback, edited and edited and edited, photographed, and edited some more... but it's here (basically). I've listed all but one of my new patterns in my Etsy Shop.

I'll be adding one final pattern next week. It just needs one little tweak. I just couldn't wait any longer. I am impatient.

Last Tuesday I did a really fun photoshoot with my beautiful friend/cousin, who modelled for me, and my friend Susie. It was my first time photographing a model, and to make my life extra challenging, I decided I wanted a diffuse back lighting. I'm excited to show you my new things! I'll be posting about them piece by piece, but in the mean time, feel free to shop the collection HERE.