- Potentially the terriblest thing ever? Okay, no, because there are so many other terrible things in the universe that need answers first. It's not terrible. But oh god. I went ahead and downloaded "Beach Chair" from HM just to make sure I wasn't just being an uppity cynical bastard for sheer personal pleasure, and sure enough: even after being open-minded, I still want Chris Martin to investigate a career in banking or corporate office cleaning or, I don't know, anything else. And frankly, Jay-Z, you too. "Life is just a dream/Life is but a beach chair." You are rapping about MYSPACE. Just... go on vacation for a while. Sit in a beach chair. Think about what you are doing here. Get back to me later.

- Favorite comment from last week courtesy Al Shipley: "Stylus commissioned me to pen the half-hearted dismissal of Lady Sovereign that ran yesterday, and I have to admit that I probably don't have enough fight in me to pull off a serious hatchet job of something I care so little about."

* * *

Friday brought much-needed culture (go see, it's approximately the same length of time as Borat and you won't hate yourself afterwards); Saturday a hike around Virginia woods with two dogs who delighted in torturing other, smaller dogs (read: dachsunds in sweater sets) and rolling in dead things. Also, pizza. Sunday we loafed around, the N. made chili, and then we went to a bar in a mall to watch football. I have now met my HS friend's new boyfriend, he is short and looks like her ex-husband, and is ladynapping her to go to California in 2 weeks because "seriously, celebrating stealing land by eating too much has always creeped me out. I almost always abandon my family to go drink in Napa every year instead." I dunno, I kind of like him.

Here's a question. Remember that eye fungus that waas going around thanks to the execs at Bausch n Lomb a few months ago? Is a latent case possible? Seriously, it's degenrative eye disease city over here or something. Eyeballs, scratchy.