Democracy at the bat: Post-Trump edition

With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer, the author—in 1888—of this famous poem, here is my updated, truncated, post-Trump 2016-election version of “Casey at the Bat.”

“Democracy at the Bat”

The outlook was quite rosy for Democracy that day;

The polls stood almost even, with the election on the way.

And then when Florida died at 10, and Ohio did the same,

A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest

Clung to the hope which springs eternal in the human breast;

They thought, “If Clinton gets Wisconsin or somewhere else Midwest,

The race will shift our way and our country will pass this test.”

But Michigan went down the tubes, and PA did as well,

And the former was a squeaker, while the latter felt like hell.

So upon the stricken multitude, grim melancholy hit,

For there seemed but little chance of Clinton finally making it.

…And as the night wore on and on, and 270 loomed near,

The world looked on in shock and awe and cried and shook with fear.

In living rooms and bedrooms, and in celebration halls,

The crowds fell mute, in disbelief, and ceased their victory calls.

…Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright,

The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light;

And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout,

But there is no joy in Mudville: Democracy has struck out.

Here’s the original poem, so you can see which parts I plagiarized and which I parodied. This poem is in the public domain. It was first published–sandwiched between two editorials–on page 4 of the San Francisco Examiner. It went on to become one of Americans most famous–and most recited–folksy poems. In recent years, it’s been recited and recorded by famed sports commentators Frank DeFord and Ernie Harwell, by Garrison Keillor and by Darth Vader–I mean, James Earl Jones, to name just a few.