James D'Ampton - Hugh Grant! Nobleman and descendant of the knight who slew the worm centuries ago.

Mary - Hostess of the D'Ampton bed and breakfast, she is on the edge of a total breakdown due to the disappearance of her parents one year ago.

Eve - Mary's sister, she has been flirting a good bit with Lord D'Ampton, turns out she is still a virgin in her late twenties.

Officer Erny - Constable with two lazy eyes (it's really odd) who is bitten and becomes a thrall to Lady Sylvia.

Kevin - Goofy boy scout seduced and emasculated by Lady Sylvia.

Lady Sylvia Marsh - Immortal worshipper of the White Worm and part snake herself. Dropped into the creature's gaping maw by Angus.

Dionin - Spelling might be an issue here, but whatever the case, this is the pagan god also called "The White Worm." A huge and loathsome beast which dwells beneath the ground until it develops explosive indigestion.

The Plot:

We begin with Angus excavating ancient ruins in Mary and Eve's backyard just as he makes a bewildering discovery. In addition to the structural remains of a nunnery and a Roman temple he finds a large skull, vaguely reptilian in form. Only later, at one of Lord D'Ampton's parties, does he learn about the Legend of the White Worm.

The worm is not only a legend and Lady Sylvia is picking out the annual virgin sacrifice for her pagan deity. Eve's mysterious status as an unsullied lass of almost thirty puts her at risk of becoming worm food. Only heroic efforts by the men folk (and a hand grenade) prevent her consumption.

The film is riddled with revolting erotic images and snake references. I really didn't need to watch a confusing dream sequence involving nuns being raped by Roman soldiers, though later another vision showing them impaled on stakes is equally twisted. There is also the human sacrifice ritual, apparently Lady Sylvia uses a spearlike strapon to commit the deed. Try to remember these are intended to portray the depravity of the White Worm and do so rather well. Meanwhile the protagonists use every trick in the book against snakes to combat Lady Sylvia, including snake charming music and a mongoose. You have to feel sorry for the mongoose, in this case the little hunter was in over its head.

Hugh Grant encountering a pagan snake god is pure entertainment, plus the story was inventive and well paced. Is it frightening? Well no, but it did not bore me and was a welcome "alternative vampire" sort of story.

Things I Learned From This Movie:

Spring is an ambiguous thing in the British Isles.

Nuns had it pretty rough during Roman times.

There is a pagan version of "Shoots and Ladders" called "Snakes and Ladders." (Several readers pointed out this was the original title of that game.)

Seriously love this movie. It was the first real horror I'd ever seen and been able to make it through without constantly looking over my should in broad daylight.

Amanda Donohoe is brilliantly cast and I feel sorry for the kid in the hot tub!

Yeah, but didn't the kid have a great time till she bit him and then drowned him in the tub.

A couple of things about that scene. The actor who played the kid was named Chris Pitt, and, he was apparently only 17, when he did that scene with Amanda Donohoe? Does anybody know what happened to him, as he dropped out of acting about a couple of years after he appeared in the film, and I haven't been able to trace him. Since I wanted to ask him how it was to appear in that scene, as some actresses don't like to work with an actor that young, but Donohoe apparently didn't have any problems appearing in the scene with him.

And that tub, while it is often refered to as a hot tub, I think it is more likely what is known as a sunken bathtub, as the tub is sunk beneath the level of the floor, which is probably why you don't see them that much anymore. And if you want to see another great scene taking place in a sunken bathtub, then watch Claudette Colbert bathing in asses milk in one in "The Sign of the Cross" from 1932.

Saw this movie on the "on-demand" one night. Nice full version with no editing out of the nasty parts. Right as the girl touches the LSD/toxin on the crucifix and the movie dumps into one of the most bizarre/blasphemous sequences I have ever seen, my wife comes downstairs. She had no clue what I was watching and just started yelling "turn it off!" I eventually got it off, but started it up after she left. Some people just can't appreciate bad cinema. I agree the song was the best part of the movie though and also seeing Hugh Grant in a movie which actually has a body-count to it rather than a romantic comedy was novel.

and paedophiliasexual interest in a child. Though, because of the victim's age in the film, which we can presume was 15, it's actually more specifically ephebophilia, or an sexual interest in a male between 15 and 18. Paedophilia specifically being interested in a child under 11. And hebephilia being sexually interested in a child between 11 and 14.