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Friday, September 07, 2012

Are We Kinky Enough For This?

When I first started studying human sexuality exclusively, I was surrounded by beautiful, strong, and amazing individuals of incredible diversity on a daily basis. I admired them greatly. For every experience my textbooks touched on, there was someone next to me living it, breathing it, and embracing it.

I'm a middle-class white heterosexual and cisgendered female; it wasn't long before I began to wonder how I could belong in this group of strong and unique individuals. I couldn't help but wonder what I could possibly have to offer.

Eventually I managed to reconcile such feelings in the academic arena, realizing that my social location didn't define me, that I could (and always will) have something of value to contribute to any discussion at hand. I don't need to live something to speak to it, nor do I have to live something to advocate on behalf of it.

Truthfully, I still start to feel that way sometimes though, but in a much different arena.

When surrounded by other wonderfully kinky individuals, I often start to lose focus on my journey with kink, instead weighing myself down with realizations that I may be X,Y,Z, but I'll never be Q,R,S. Suddenly Q,R,S emerges as the epitome of kink for me, and I just don't measure up.

I love my kink; I value it and embrace it for what it is. My kink is my own, and that's all I could ever want. There is no trophy for the kinkiest bitch out there - I'm not
striving for that title. One persons kink is another persons vanilla; it's all subjective. I
love all things kinky, and yes, I still get swept away with it all from time
to time.

I'm learning (and trying) to stop this habit. It's destructive and unhealthy. I don't believe in keeping up with the Jones' in any other aspect of my life - I don't intend to do it in the bedroom either. I like where RS and I are in our sexual development; we're always trying new things and navigating our way in this crazy space where everything and anything goes.

I'm still just getting my feet wet in a lot of different ways, but really, aren't we all? If we aren't chasing new sensations and opening ourselves up to new experiences, well, what's the point?

I'm surrounded by beautiful, strong, and amazingly kinky individuals of
incredible diversity - but I guess perhaps I'm one of them too.

1 comment:

Keeping up with the "Joneses" in sex is only a path to jealousy and discontent with yourself and your partner. Just look at the world of Viagra type pills and vaginal "tightening" creams that try to make us "better" even though we're pretty perfect as we are. It's so good you recognize this about yourself now rather than before you waste time trying to be or do something you're not.

About Me

As a 20-something new graduate with a degree in Human Sexuality, I live t0 talk about sex and the human experience of it; I'm currently living in a happily committed relationship with my (now) fiancé and partner of five years, referred to here as RS.