I Went to Vegas (part 1)

Don’t get me wrong: it was a lot of fun. We had some delicious meals, shopped (I finally caved and bought a CSI T-shirt: now I am as cool as Gil Grissom), enjoyed the Flamingo’s pool, and had some quality mom/daughter time. The weather was perfect, we got a free room upgrade, and I came home 3 pounds lighter (?)

But apparently I turned 90 without realizing it, because Vegas kicked my ass this year.

We were smart and took the very convenient trams, buses, trolleys, trains, taxis, AND the monorail, but still! These hotels are bigger than football stadiums, and the fact that the Mandalay Bay looks like it’s “right over there” is an optical illusion. The sign may be right over there, but the hotel is about 5 miles from the damn sign, and wherever you want to go in the hotel is another 10 miles from the entrance.

My mom did better than me, but then she’s only 72, not 90. She actually had to bully me into getting out of bed at 6:00 in the evening to sit on the veranda rather than lying in bed and ordering room service, as I so desperately wished to do. (“My legs!” I whimpered helplessly.)

You know there are NO benches or seats of any kind in the hotel shopping areas, so sometimes I just sat on the floor. People looked at me like I was a vagrant. My mom looked away in shame. But I couldn’t help it. I was so tired.

But we had a lot of fun, and I’m glad we went. The next few Vegas posts will be complaint-free.

If you want to go to Vegas:

May I suggest a Rascal or a motorized wheelchair? That way you can see the sights in comfort AND “accidentally” roll over people’s feet when they get in your way.

Travel with an elderly companion who will make you feel young and spry, even when you sink to your knees in defeat at the sight of another broken escalator.

Just stay in your hotel. There’s plenty to do there: gamble, see a show, lie in bed and order room service.

And now! On to the prizes.

See that picture at the top? I know you can hardly believe it, but that is the fabulous prize package awaiting 3 lucky readers:

A genuine, one-of-a-kind dice-shaped sucker (or “lollipop,” if you prefer)

A designer magnet

A fake chip (and, no, the dealers don’t find it funny if you try to use one of these in an actual game)

How to win a fabulous prize:

Simply write a haiku about I Do Things. (Haiku: 3 lines of 5-7-5 syllables. Usually about nature and vaguely philosophical-sounding.) Allhaikus will be featured in a special article, and the three best (as determined by an unbiased judge, i.e., Dave) will win. I’m automatically disqualified from entering, but here’s a little haiku I just now whipped up to get you started:

A blog about me

And the things I do so you

don’t have to. Awesome!

See how easy it is to write a haiku? That took me 4 seconds, believe it or not.

So, enter now! There are only 3 fabulous prize packages, and there is no charge for shipping.

All haiku entries must be submitted by 10-2-07 to be eligible for the fabulous prize. Entries may be submitted via e-mail or Comments box.