Dealing with Finality

This past weekend I attended a going away party for a friend of mine. He has decided that it’s time for him to leave New York for a while and is heading off to Hawaii to participate in a work program of some sort. He will be out there for at least two months, but doesn’t know where he’ll be after that. So this week, I say my proper “goodbye”, or perhaps more of a “so long,” because the truth is, good byes are really hard.

My husband has always been acutely aware of time and the finality of certain situations. When I’d complain about some annoying part of a good situation, he’d always say to me, “don’t take it for granted — this isn’t going to last forever,” and he was right. We had some great parties at his old apartment, but it wasn’t going to last forever. Sure we had a lot to clean up and there was always some drama, but overall, it was a great era. When a good friend of ours lived around the corner, he always made the effort to hang out. It was convenient and fun but sometimes resulted in long nights which made me cranky. But that situation didn’t last forever. Sometimes it is hard when you are in the moment to realize that it is fleeting, that time has a way of slipping by.

And sometimes, you do recognize the finality of situations. But in recognizing it, that doesn’t always mean you know how to handle it. So often finality comes with entering the unknown. When are you going to see this person again? Will you ever see him/her again? And even if you do know that you either won’t see this person again or it will be many years before you see him/her again, how do you really say good bye?

Somehow, things aren’t going to be the same. In a fleeting moment you connected with a person, really connected. You don’t know when/if you are going to see him/her again, and you don’t know what that connection will mean. A few years back, I ran into someone who once meant so much to me. We hadn’t seen each other in years, and I ran into him by surprise. We didn’t get to talk, but we didn’t need to — because in that moment, with one look, we said all we needed to say.

Time can change things, but if you are lucky, you can pick up where you left off, should that person ever come back into your life. Because some things are never final. Some connections, some memories, are strong enough to withstand the test of time.