THE NEW YORKER behavior, Major Eliot's reaction to the Coral Sea engagement was serene; from the beginning he appraised it as a victory, though "only the first round," in a cool, shrewd analysis implying that we could expect to see more fighting in the Pacific before the war was over. Notwithstanding Major Eliot's glow- ing recommendation, Hanson Baldwin, the Major's fraternal competitor on the Times, works under a double handicap in the expert business. He is an An- napolis graduate and an experienced re- porter. The only one of the Big Five to have graduated from either the United States Military or Naval Aca- demy, Baldwin spent three years on active duty as an ensign and a lieutenant (j.g.) after completing his course at Annapolis in 1924. He began his news- paper career on the Baltimore Sun, switching to the Times as a general re- porter a couple of years later. Since 1937, he has had the title of military and naval correspondent. Now thirty- nine, tall, and lean, Baldwin looks as earnest as a clergyman and writes in a vein as grave and irreproachable as a funeral oration. In contrast to the negli- gee Eliot, he never gets down to work until he is dressed, shaved, brushed, pressed, and looking very sharp. Perhaps Major Eliot's breeziest com- petition is furnished by Limpus, of the Daily News and the only guildsman whose military career has been directly influenced by General MacArthur. It happens that MacArthur was superin- tendent of West Point in 1922, when Limpus was expelled for flunking an examination. Born in Alpine, Indiana, forty-four years ago, the News expert's martial exploits have had a consisten t- ly abortive cast. He was a soldier in France during the World War, thus sharing with Ma j of Eliot the distinction of being one of the two big-time military experts who have actually been in a war, and, though he failed to see any fight- ing, he attained the rank of regimental sergeant major. Even in the Reserves, which he joined in 1923, he did not exactly flourish. Shortly after being pro- moted to a captaincy, he flunked his physical examination and was trans- ferred to the inactive list. Except when he dabbles in military affairs, Limpus seems to avoid his peculiar hex. He has been employed by the News as a re- porter and feature writer since 1 924 without any noticeable trouble. As a political writer be fore the current war, he had produced several books about civic figures as well as a history of the local Fire Department. These accom- 23 THE NIBLICK, PLEASE, CONDUC TOR Once there was a golfer named Mr. Brownie, and he was a duffer, And he used to suffer. But I don't want to be misunderstood- He suffered chiefly not because he was bad but because he thought he was good Because his regular game was 101, and if he had never broken 100 his disposition would have been fine. But one day, eleven years ago, playing winter rules with a following wind and a dozen conceded putts, he turned in an 89, Since when he has never been the same, Because he has ever since been off his game. And once there was a railroad named the Baltimore & Tomsk, and It too had grandiose delusions, And it jumped at conclusions, And although no one to the B. & T. than I could be loyaler, I am sorry that they once made a four-hour non-stop run between Tomsk and Baltimore with a locomotive and baggage car, paced by a motorcycle, with the engineer smoking marijuana and benzedrine in the boiler, Because now they think they can dispatch a fourteen-car train with six scheduled stops and a flag stop and its time between Tomsk and Baltimore will still be the same, And they quote four hours as their regular running time, just as Mr. Brownie quotes 89 as his regular game. Does it please you, dear B. & T., that your timetable should be Mr. Brownie's score 'card's mate? Remember that a passenger would rather arrive on time on a four-hour-and- fifty-minute schedule than expect a four-hour trip and arrive fifty minutes late. -OGDEN NASH . plishments, together with his oddly sen- sational military background, qualified him, in the opinion of the News man- agement, as a military expert. Limpus differ5 from Major Eliot in being an ex- ponent of the gee-whizz school of mil- itary analysis. He thinks of the war as a gigantic chess game, reports it as if it were a sporting event, and roots like a cheerleader for our fellows to win. In conversation he refers to big generals bv their first names and carries around ./ their autographed pictures. The only competitor who outranks Major Eliot is the anonymous character known to PM readers as The General. There has been a rather high turnover in PM generals, but the one who is spoken ."., """'" , , , . , , , , "'" Á; VEGE"A1}L S < , m 1 " . , (j' /"" ':0- ',' ... . ..:.:' ")<<,' -.......... . ',,:#' ,: ',: f' / ' , , )... '" ..... ._. n ... : " , ':::.' :;",,;. l , <<: .:.- .,... , '. : ': >: _ _". .:: ,: l_ _.. :. :.:" .:ik: .. ." :':-,: ::: ::', . . ,:. .. ::: : .{'"..1' 'I' 1> :::::,I ',,,,, "/ W 1:: , ;. . ."" of among the staff as T he General IS a downy-faced youth of twenty-six named Leonard Engel, who was the first to hold the command and only recent- ly resigned. PM's General (ret.) has been described as no bigger than the whiskey in a weak highball, but actu- ally he stands something over five feet and weighs close to a hundred and thirty pounds. Unlike Limpus, one of whose grandfathers commanded a Northern volunteer company in the Civil War, or Pratt, both of whose grandfathers served in the Union Army, or Eliot, whose wife's father was a Con- federate trooper, Engel boasts that he has nothing military whatever in his background. Engel, tense, dark, and loaded with exposés, became a military expert rather late in life, having first toyed with the ideas of careers as a ge- neticist, a chemist, or an anthropologist, and then taken a job as an aeronautical writer on Time. He left this job a few days before PM began publication, when" he says, Marshall Field called him up and asked if he wanted to be a general. The newspaper, Engel learned, had engaged an elderly, retired ma jar general of artillery to write its war column but had discovered that the old gentleman's copy sounded like some- thing on the French and Indian War Engel was commissioned to ghost for