Category: Extra Stupid

(I have Celiac Disease, an auto-immune disorder that causes my body to attack my digestive tract whenever I eat gluten. My wife and I walk into a local deli known for its ham. There are two women conversing behind the counter and no other customers.)

Me: “Hey, I have a question. I can’t eat gluten, so I need to know if you clean the tongs and ladles before I order anything.”

Girl #1: “Um… No, why would we?”

Me: “Well, cross-contamination, and you’re kind of supposed to for health and safety reasons.”

(I’m already starting to get nervous, but I’m really hungry right now, so I push

forward.)

Me: “Could you just tell me what might have gluten in it?”

Girl #2: “What’s gluten?”

Me: “Uh, it’s anything that has wheat, rye, or barley.”

Girl #1: “Well, that’s everything here.”

Me:*blinking, a little dumbfounded* “What do you mean?” *I clearly see several products that have no sauce, and look like they were only baked or sliced*

Girl #2: “The animals eat wheat, right?”

Girl #1: “So that could be in the meat.”

Me: “It… doesn’t work that way.”

Girl #1: “Well, we can’t be sure.”

(At this point, I was fed up. I turned around and said my thanks for their help and got the heck out of there. I recently learned that the deli closed some time later.)

(I support my colleagues in a call center who might get stuck on calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Representative: “Hi, this is [Representative]. I have a question.” *gives me account information*

Me: “Okay, what is going on?”

Representative: “Okay the members, umm… I forgot… oh! He had a balance of $252.02 and made a $40 dollar payment. He doesn’t understand why, if he doesn’t use his card, why his payments keep going down lower. Umm, let me start over… I’m just confusing myself… He said his balance was at $250, he made a payment of $40, and he doesn’t really understand why his balance keeps getting lower if he isn’t using that card. It’s not because he’s not using it; it’s because he’s making a payment, right?”

Me:*making sure I heard the question correctly* “He says he doesn’t know why the balance is getting lower because he is not using it and making payments to it, right?”

Representative: “Right.”

Me: *trying not to sound sarcastic* “The reason it’s getting lower is because he isn’t using it and making payments.”

Representative: “I tried to explain that to him but he really doesn’t get it.”

(The customer on the phone wants to know if we carry activated charcoal. Normally, I would transfer this call to the pharmacy, but it is already closed for the evening. I put the caller on hold and get on the radio.)

Me:*over the radio* “Do we carry activated charcoal?”

Manager:*over the radio* “I don’t think we do.”

Coworker:*standing next to me* “What is activated charcoal?”

Me: “I’m not 100% sure, but I think they give it to people that have ingested poison.”

Lady From Grills:*over the radio* “Do they want it with or without lighter fluid in it?”