I'm not here much these days, but feel free to paw through my archives until I return. -Bev

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Hey Kids

Just a little friendly reminder from your ol' pal Bev:

Drink in moderation, do drugs rarely if ever and never hard ones, and above all, sunblock, sunblock, sunblock!

What in fucking fuckerson has happened to Lindsay Lohan?! I know, I know, I've asked this question before. But lately every time I see her picture she looks like she just blew a homeless guy in an alley in exchange for a half-eaten ham sandwich and a ride home. Well, assuming homeless guys have cars, which I'm not exactly sure about. I guess it depends on the homeless guy.

Whatever, my point is that she looks like Tara Reid if Tara Reid had been deep fried in bacon grease and left baking in the Arizona desert for a several days. Heck, I'd even venture to say that Tara Reid never looked this bad in all her alcoholic stupor Franken-tit glory days! When you are being unfavorably compared to a washed-up "coulda-shoulda-been" like Tara, it's time make some tough life decisions, LiLo. And for god's sake, exfoliate & moisturize that shit!

She is only 23 years old. TWENTY-THREE. When I was 23 I did not have a single line on my face. Not one! I have photographic evidence to prove it, too!

Remember, just a few short years ago, Lindsay looked like this.--------------->

Alrighty then, now that I've gotten my little PSA off my chest, let's get on wit' it, shall we? I know you're all DYING for an update on my rash, and who am I to leave you hanging? When last we saw our heroine (settle down, Lindsay, not that kind of heroin) she was moping and strung out on Benedryl. Well, this morning my rash had all but disappeared, but my left eye was swollen almost shut when I woke up. WOOHOO! So I popped some more antihistimines and went to see a doctor, and wouldn't ya know it? By the time I got there everything was gone. HAHAAHAHAHAHA! My life totally rules.

Needless to say, he didn't have much advice for me. I'm a mystery wrapped in a puzzle with a side dish of enigma. Delicious! The good news is that I've decided not to give a fuck anymore. If it happens again I'll just take the dang Benedryl or Zyrtec or whatever and wait for it to pass. Life's too short and I hatehatehate having something wrong with me, so I'm taking the Ostrich approach from now on. Denial, hurray!

Aside: While searching for that Ostrich image, I came across this little gem:

Damn. 23, huh? At 23 I looked 12. Smoking doesn't help; as I get older I notice more and more how big a difference it makes. But the horrid bleach job doesn't do her any favors, either. I just don't get the obsession with the yellow hair - it simply is not the best look on everyone. And the constant bleaching makes it into fried straw. YUCK!

I'd say she owes you a big thank you, as I've certainly seen worse pictures of her popping up recently. She's a hot mess, and headed in a horrible direction. Little sister will probably do the same. Great parenting, Dina & Michael! (I HATE that I know that.)

Just to add...having shingles sucks. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Glad you don't have it, and trust me, you'll know if it really happens.

That aside, LiLo's quite sad looking, but knowing that Drew Barrymore went through a rough patch, we can hope she pulls it together, gets the girls out in film and print, and just turns into a hot 30-something babe.

Elliott, relax. We all know you leave Bev lots of comments. There's something wrong with that widget anyway. I'm fairly certain I've left more than 13. And over at my place Bev is #1 with a whopping 10. She's left me at least 12 this year.

Lindsay is SUCH a mess. It's painful even looking at recent photos of her. It makes my eyes hurt! Ack. I never liked her, but she used to be so pretty... what a fugly she's turned it. Glad to hear your rash and swollen eye have both hit the road!

Mary, I didn't get the whole widget thing for a while either, what it does is count up your comments out of the last 100 comments. So the top 10 has to equal 100. Or something like that. IDK, I don't -- how you say? Do zee math.

what the fucking fuck IS wrong with these young thangs? Let's face it, all they have going for them is their looks (and in Tara Reid's case, not even that) and they just ruin themselves.When I was 23 I still got carded everywhere I went and really didn't have one wrinkle. Things are much different now, but I still think they could be mistaken for over 30 easy. My biggest question about these young party girls? Am I crazy, or isn't it illegal to drink under the age of 21 and aren't illegal drugs, um illegal? oh I'll stop now.Wait!The comment about blowing the hobo for ham sandwich was awesome- you rock!