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Made For Each Other?

I just saw online that possibly, possibly, Blake Shelton of country music fame cheated on his equally famous wife, Miranda Lambert.

Generally, I pass these stories by. They are gossip and intrusive and one-sided and on and on. They are possibly PR stunts for one star or another. Or ploys for money from a lying scumbag.

But I read an interview with Miranda Lambert about her first meeting with Blake. She said she felt this draw to him right away. He said the same. Nothing happened between them and they knew it was wrong; he was married to his first wife at the time. A year later, he had divorced first wife and was with Miranda. They both state emphatically that nothing happened between them until Blake’s divorce was final.

But Blake called it “inevitable chemistry.”

Hmm.

What did he have with his first wife? Bad chemistry? A chemistry set?

Our culture, subsumed with fairy tale romance, wants desperately to believe in True Love. Our religion of Happily Ever After must not be tampered with in any way. We love Cinderella getting to marry Prince Charming. The real life story of Princess Grace becoming Prince Rainier’s bride thrilled the public around the world. And granted, being a music star has you rubbing shoulders with the beautiful people a lot of the time. Probably some wannabees, too, who throw themselves into your path, hero-worship on their lips. Could be incredibly tempting to believe your own press.

Something similar happened between Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh. Olivier had wed fellow actor Jill Esmond in 1930. Even as he was falling in love with Leigh, his wife was carrying his first son, Tarquin. Leigh, meanwhile, was already a mother. She had married barrister Leigh Holman in 1932 – at only 19 – and had given birth to her daughter Suzanne within the year. Both Olivier and Leigh had thought themselves happily married, but after meeting each other, they realized how much romance they’d been missing. Olivier would call their attraction ‘fatefully irresistible.’ After two years of ‘rapturous torment,’ they gave into fate and ended their marriages. (Love Lives, Olivier & Leigh)

Do “fatefully irresistible” or “inevitable chemistry” hold up in divorce court?

I have observed that once you’re married, it’s like there’s a target on your back. Or your front.

You will feel drawn to other people. Maybe just one. Maybe several. Chemistry is indeed evident. But this is where guarding your heart comes into play. You need to think about your commitment – the vow you made in front of God and your closest friends and family. You will probably need God to help you keep it. Keeping your promise when the bills are overdue and your wife has gained 50 pounds and the dog threw up in your shoe – again – is not a matter of feelings. Feelings will come and go. The truth is: you have an obligation, and so does your wife.

I am by no means condemning people whose marriages for one reason or another didn’t work out. People do have real problems – domestic violence, drug addiction, neglect, among others. But leaving your spouse for someone else doesn’t sit well with anyone. It tears up a family. It is disloyal at best and incredibly selfish at worst. There are severe consequences for it.

This, however, is not how the rest of us, the great unwashed, start out. We meet someone wonderful, or they seem wonderful at the time. We click with them. We like the same music. We have the same favorite foods. We call them and talk on the phone for hours, even if our dorms are only a few feet away. We meet their family and it’s all like it was…meant to be. Cue music! We get married, have 2.4 kids (or 4.2, depending on your fertility model) and proceed down the primrose path. Except….the primrose path has thorny thickets and potholes and trolls under the bridge. Marriage is work. “Til death do us part” are the terms. We don’t know what life holds for any of us. Living with other people, especially people you are supposed to cherish forever, takes effort and consideration. Putting others before yourself is a daily death. It is not for the faint of heart.

So, whether or not Blake cheated, they probably could benefit from some counseling, or at least taking this situation out of the public eye. Word is, according to Twitter, is Miranda worries about his flirtatious nature. (Sidenote: Why in the world would she tweet that?! Do only twits use Twitter? But I digress.) She’s taken to policing him on set at The Voice. She reads his texts. Can you say “Mama Miranda”? Yes, I think accountability is good. And if they have mutually agreed to this arrangement, great. But this, to me, smacks of disrespect. It appears controlling. This kind of monitoring might just drive Blake to do what he (possibly) has not done yet: cheat.