Bitch Media - Submissionhttp://bitchmagazine.org/taxonomy/term/11876/0
enThinking Kink: Does Female Submission Mean Oppression?http://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-female-submissives-BDSM-feminist-magazine-sex-consent
<p>Before I even get into the thorny issue of how the media represents female sexual submissives, I want to lay some groundwork. Today, I'll consider the idea that women's participation in BDSM, especially as a submissive, is inherently anti-feminist. Next post: the other side (that the female submissive who consensually participates in BDSM is empowered). Please remember: However much any of the views here piss people off, I am airing them because I believe in engaging with and critiquing beliefs that bug us.</p><p><img align="left" alt="cover of female sexual slavery, which is red and has the book title in white letters" hspace="10" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7137/7536958070_503f2a4e69_n.jpg">In the '70s and '80s, feminists were bitterly opposed over BDSM, and the women who volunteered to be dominated were the biggest source of contention. In her book <em><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Female-Sexual-Slavery-Kathleen-Barry/dp/0814710697/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1341691398&amp;sr=1-1">Female Sexual Slavery</a></em>, Kathleen Barry <a href="http://www.english.wisc.edu/amcclintock/writing/Maid_article.pdf" target="_blank">described </a>BDSM as "a disguise for the act of sexually forcing a woman against her will." Lesbians who practiced BDSM didn't escape condemnation either. As Jocelyn Borycszka puts it in her forthcoming book <em><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Suspect-Citizens-Virtue-Backlash-Politics/dp/1439908931/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1341691668&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank">Suspect Citizens</a>,</em>&nbsp;they were accused of simply replicating "the very masculine power dynamics used to perpetuate women's oppression."&nbsp;</p><p>What of choice though, the concept simultaneously heralded and cursed by feminists? For some, choice is meaningless if it occurs in a system of oppression. Diana Russell dismissed the "consent defense" when she&nbsp; <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=BMlJ-REYViwC&amp;pg=PA208&amp;lpg=PA208&amp;dq=boiling+candle+wax+was+dripped+onto+a+bound+woman%E2%80%99s+breasts.+Had+she+consented+beforehand?+Even+if+she+had,+this+is+a+violent+act&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=qIEWex8Etx&amp;sig=s8Jqsm4YIJPjIxxIUMvnqGvUCfE&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=VZz4T7eIMYTA8QO50LCkBw&amp;ved=0CFEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&amp;q=boiling%20candle%20wax%20was%20dripped%20onto%20a%20bound%20woman%E2%80%99s%20breasts.%20Had%20she%20consented%20beforehand%3F%20Even%20if%20she%20had%2C%20this%20is%20a%20violent%20act&amp;f=false" target="_blank">wrote about BDSM pornography</a>:&nbsp;"Boiling candle wax was dripped onto a bound woman's breasts. Had she consented beforehand? Even if she had, this is a violent act." For anti-BDSM feminists, there can be <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=dR7bTc1aXbcC&amp;pg=PA149&amp;lpg=PA149&amp;dq=%E2%80%9Cresponding+to+a+model+of+sexual+interaction+that+has+been+drummed+into+us+throughout+our+lives%E2%80%9D&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=9AF6UZi8uA&amp;sig=TqYI7nPDpcjGf5JBEbY-tlpJQVY&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=F6v6T9PLLKPN0QWNstmiDw&amp;ved=0CCIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%E2%80%9Cresponding%20to%20a%20model%20of%20sexual%20interaction%20that%20has%20been%20drummed%20into%20us%20throughout%20our%20lives%E2%80%9D&amp;f=false" target="_blank">no true choice in</a> "responding to a model of sexual interaction that has been drummed into us throughout our lives." Furthermore, by agreeing to play a sexually submissive role, a woman is actively damaging feminism by "reinforcing the legitimacy of power imbalances outside the bedroom." (Nichols, Pagano &amp; Rosoff as quoted by <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Techniques-Pleasure-BDSM-Circuits-Sexuality/dp/0822351595/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1341693401&amp;sr=1-1" target="_blank">Margot Weiss</a>.)</p><p>Some modern critics are more measured, however. Women and Gender Studies Professor <a href="http://www.breannefahs.com/">Breanne Fahs</a>, author of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Performing-Sex-Making-Unmaking-Womens/dp/143843782X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1328246694&amp;sr=8-1">Performing Sex</a>&nbsp;</em>suggests that, "Pleasure does not preclude a self-critical approach." Fahs encourages women who enjoy submission to "direct a critical eye to why we do those things and what those behaviors say about the bigger stories of gender and power." She goes on to say that "it makes sense that women may internalize a need to distance themselves from their own desires by [for example] having rape fantasies." This echoes Norma Ramos' words in a <a href="http://catalog.library.sebts.edu/vufind/Record/109458/TOC" target="_blank">1995 issue of <em>Ms.</em> magazine</a>, where she states that "women are socialized into actually getting sexual pleasure through their powerlessness."</p><p>Perhaps the resemblance of many play scenes to genuine depictions of violence against women is why some feminists simply do not believe female submission in BDSM can ever be consensual. A good example of this is the current debate around the <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2012/07/05/bc-rcmp-sex-photos.html">RMCP officer recently outed as enjoying BDSM pornography</a> which depicted submissive women. Canadian feminist Meghan Murphy <a href="http://rabble.ca/blogs/bloggers/feminist-current/2012/07/private-fantasy-public-reality-rcmp-bdsm-and-violence-agains" target="_blank">writes that</a> Cpl Jim Brown "fetishized the abuse and degradation of women" by possessing photographs of women in bondage, refusing to even entertain the possibility of consent or agency from the women who participated in the pictures.</p><p>The BDSM community isn't immune to criticism from within, either—Margot Weiss <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=dR7bTc1aXbcC&amp;q=practitioners+complained+sexism+scene#v=snippet&amp;q=practitioners%20complained%20sexism%20scene&amp;f=false" target="_blank">found that</a> "many practitioners complained about sexism in the scene." Multiple women reported to Weiss that they were presumed to be submissive by virtue of their gender, regardless of their actual BDSM orientation. The automatic association of femaleness with passivity is troubling: BDSM is at its most difficult for feminists to defend when it reflects "normative gendered arrangements."</p><p>Women's sexual choices carry political weight, and in a society where equality is still lacking in so many fields, many feminists still feel that to surrender power in the bedroom is to surrender it elsewhere. Left-wing writer Yasmin Alibhai-Brown echoed 30-year-old sentiments last week when <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/yasmin-alibhai-brown/yasmin-alibhaibrown-on-fifty-shades-of-grey-do-women-really-want-to-be-so-submissive-7902818.html" target="_blank">she stated</a> that the attraction of BDSM is merely a modern ploy to disempower women as they get closer to equality: "They have to be reminded of their place and must re-learn submission." So Professor Fahs may be right to say that "all sexual behaviors are at risk for distortion...by regressive forces" when the popularity of one erotic book <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2162998/Fifty-Shades-Grey-Sorry-sisters-theres-liberating-mummy-porn.html" target="_blank">is interpreted as evidence that</a> "tired of the struggle for equality, women want to take refuge in being bossed around in the bedroom by a man."</p><p>But is the reactionary media's tendency to seize on any excuse to dismiss female empowerment reason enough for women to avoid sexually submissive behavior, or at least fantasies of it? Norma Ramos <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?ei=1av6T-DMDcS50QWCyaimBw&amp;id=MPq0AAAAIAAJ&amp;dq=I%27m+getting+sexual+pleasure+from+this%2C+so+what+do+I+do+about+this%3F+You+work+to+change+that.+You+have+to+challenge+it&amp;q=I%27m+getting+sexual+pleasure+from+this%2C+so+what+do+I+do+about+this%3F+You+work+to+change+that.+You+have+to+challenge+it#search_anchor" target="_blank">thinks so</a>:&nbsp;"I'm getting sexual pleasure from [submission], so what do I do about this? You work to change that. You have to challenge it," she says. For some feminists, the only answer to a pervasive culture of sexual violence is for women who enjoy playing the sub to rewrite their fantasies.</p><p><em>Next time: feminists defending BDSM and the female submissive.</em></p>
<strong>Previously:</strong> <a href="/post/thinking-kink-jared-leto-30-seconds-to-mars-bdsm-kink-feminist-magazine-music-video-sex"target="_blank">Did Jared Leto and 30 Seconds to Mars Do BDSM Better?</a>, <a href="/post/thinking-kink-swinging-both-ways-50-shades-of-grey-dominant-submissive-bdsm-feminist-magazine-sex"target="_blank">Swinging Both Ways (Christian Grey Included)</a>http://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-female-submissives-BDSM-feminist-magazine-sex-consent#commentsBDSMBreanne FahsFemale SubmissivesNorma RamosRCMPSubmissionYasmin Alibhai-BrownSex and SexualityMon, 09 Jul 2012 17:57:49 +0000Catherine Scott17676 at http://bitchmagazine.orgThinking Kink: Masculinity and Submissionhttp://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-masculinity-and-submission-BDSM-feminist-magazine-sex
<p>When women are portrayed as submissive in popular media, the reaction broadly seems to be either "that's hot" or "that's offensive." When men are portrayed as submissive, the reaction is more likely to be one of pity or derision. I recently attended a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Play_party_%28BDSM%29" target="_blank">play party</a> and got chatting with a male dominant while a male submissive was strapped to a nearby spanking bench and flogged by his female dominant. The submissive was young, slightly built, and wearing only a skimpy G-string. The dom I was conversing with admitted he found it hard to watch another man being dominated, because he felt the male submissive was letting their side down. "I want to say, 'be a man!'" he admitted, although he went on to say he respected that submission made this particular man happy. In her <a href="http://www.english.wisc.edu/amcclintock/writing/Maid_article.pdf" target="_blank">essay</a> "Maid To Order: Commercial S/M and Gender Power," Anne Mclintock points out that "S/M theatrically flouts the edict that manhood is synonymous with mastery, and submission a female fate." Indeed, the media fascination that results every time a powerful man is <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/phone-hacking/8757567/Phone-hacking-Natalie-Rowes-path-from-teenage-runaway-to-dominatrix-madam.html#" target="_blank">caught associating with a dominatrix</a> implies an ongoing curiosity about BDSM's power to invert gender stereotypes.</p>
<p><img style="float: left; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 8px; margin-right: 8px;" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8003/7466158398_29a329d8d4_n.jpg" alt="From Flickr user RachelKramerBussel.com" height="320" width="240" />But, as I mentioned in my last post, the tendency to see a man being dominated by a woman as a jokeworthy subject implies at best a discomfort with a man being submissive, and at worst, such a strong refusal to believe women can truly have any power over men that any scenario depicting this must be comical or unrealistic. The <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IESxTHrEh0o" target="_blank">episode of Secret Diary of A Call Girl</a> I wrote about in my last post shows Belle hollering instructions at her sub—currently cleaning the toilet bowl with his tongue—while she casually flips through a magazine. It's undeniably humorous, not least because we're seeing a man is his late 50s wearing nothing but a PVC thong and apron, on his knees doing housework. But, the episode seems to ask, what kind of "real man" would actually find this erotic?</p>
<p>The discomfort with men being submissive is often reflected by a prurient media that loves to know the filthy details of any kinkster's activity just so it can disapprove of them. When Max Mosley was outed as having enjoyed an S/M party with paid female participants, the British tabloids—known for being jingoistic, homophobic and hostile to any woman who isn't constantly displaying her breasts—had a field day. The concern was ostensibly whether the party had overtly Nazi themes, but I suspect this was largely a pretext for outrage so that the media could then reveal all the filthy, kinky details of precisely what Mosely got up to. What everyone really wanted to know was, how could this powerful man enjoy being treated like a little beyotch by a group of women? Although Mosley did play some dominant roles during the party, the (now-defunct) <em>News of The World</em> also <a href="http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=dR7bTc1aXbcC&amp;q=whipped+till+he+BLEEDS#v=snippet&amp;q=whipped%20till%20he%20BLEEDS&amp;f=false" target="_blank">reported with glee</a> that he "enjoys being whipped til he BLEEDS" (their caps). A public male figure may manage to move past a sex scandal if it's clear he's retained his manly, dominant role throughout (think Bill Clinton), but if he's allowed himself to be whipped and had his backside shaved by bossy uniformed women? Nope, we can't respect him "as a man" any more.</p>
<p>A recent episode of the BBC's Sherlock Holmes series, "<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00msw6y" target="_blank">A Scandal in Belgravia</a>" reinforces this prejudice against male<img style="float: right; margin-top: 5px; margin-bottom: 5px; margin-left: 8px; margin-right: 8px;" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8150/7466019016_0c99264d06_n.jpg" alt="Sherlock ends up on the wrong end of Irene Adler's riding crop" height="237" width="320" /> submissives. The clients of the seductive dominatrix Irene Adler are mostly men working in positions of authority—she mentions a policeman, Ministry of Defense official and a forensic scientist. Adler's work is dismissively described by Mycroft Holmes (Sherlock's uptight brother, played wonderfully by Mark Gatiss) as "recreational scolding."</p>
<p>Perhaps the tendency to trivialize female domination comes from the need to reassure oneself that male submission is not "real," and therefore not a threat to men's sense of their own power. And yes, Mycroft is right that in this case, female domination is just a job that involves play-acting fantasies. But why then do Adler's male submissive clients discomfort Mycroft so much that he accuses Adler of "catering to the whims of the pathetic"?</p>
<p>The ongoing association of submissive behaviors with femininity, and femininity itself being seen as a demeaning state, is troubling for us all. It can't just be that masochism is considered unmanly—after all, inviting and enduring huge amounts of pain in the boxing ring, the football field, or in war are viewed as extremely masculine. If Max Mosley had been left bloody after a hearty session of rugby, all well and good. But to be left thus because you invited a group of women to flog your backside? Our reactionary media is still struggling with that one.</p>
<p><em>Photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/rachelkramerbusseldotcom/"target="_blank">rachelkramerbussel</a></em></p>
<p><strong>Previously:</strong> <a href="/post/thinking-kink-the-female-dominant-as-a-working-girl-secret-diary-of-a-call-girl-feminist-magazine-BDSM-sex"target="_blank">Belle De Jour and the Professional Domme</a>, <a href="/post/thinking-kink-female-dominant-pop-culture-sub-dom-feminist-magazine-sexuality"target="_blank">The Female Dominant in Pop Culture</a></p>
http://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-masculinity-and-submission-BDSM-feminist-magazine-sex#commentsDominationFemale DominantsMale SubmissivesMax MosleySherlock HolmesSubmissionSex and SexualityFri, 29 Jun 2012 17:17:14 +0000Catherine Scott17555 at http://bitchmagazine.org