Protecting my quit in the face of tragedy

Hi all, 700 hard fought days of freedom here! I say hard fought because each and every day I make a vow to say no to nicotine. I know that one puff will not just end there. I am an addict and i will never stop smoking if I open that door, even for "just one". I came face to face with a terrible tragedy 2weeks ago. My father unexpectedly passed away. We were not on speaking terms for the past year because of his behavior around my children, but i always believed that we would make amends. The morning I received the phone call was personal hell, with my addiction suggesting that a fresh cigarette would help ease the pain. I brushed the thought aside. When I arrived back home, interactions with my extended family only fanned the flames as almost all of my family smokes heavily. They all kept lighting me cigarettes and offering them. But I held tightly to my quit. I protected my quit as I protect my children from harm. I felt weak but i knew that watching my father and my quit die would destroy me. I choose life. I choose me. I choose my quit. I choose my health. I choose NOPE-not one puff ever. All reasons I used to think were reasons to smoke, are actually reasons NOT to smoke. To all my friends out there, just believe in your rational brain telling you to never smoke again, no matter what. Dont let pain, heartache, or emotions override your common sense. We fight to be nonsmokers and we can never give up! Thanks for reading everyone. <3 Kerrie

My deepest Sympathy for your loss, Kerrie! What a tremendous shock and yet, you chose Life! I'm so Proud of you! I suspect that your Father is very Proud of you at this moment from above! May he Rest in Peace!

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am also in awe of you refusing those offered cigarettes. Please know that while smoking might shove those feelings down for a while...they are still there and they will, at some point come out. Grieving is difficult and very personal. There are no time limits and there is no right or wrong way. I think your children are very lucky to have you as their mother. I am sending love and prayers.

Please know that we are here for you. I agree with Thomas3.20.2010 that your father is proud of you now. I know that WE are.

Great blog. Sorry for the loss of your father. NOPE will set you and keep you freedom. It is doable. Just do it. God bless you and your family at such a trying time. Great job on protecting your quit. Quitting is the easy part. Protecting is the work.

My sincere condolence to you Kerrie, thank you for sharing because you held onto your precious quit under some very trying circumstances and I have to congratulate you on your awesome 700 glorious DOF and counting! ihateit

Kerrie - I am so very sorry for your loss. You are doing such a wonderful job of protecting your quit - congrats on that. We are now forced to live life day by day - up and down - without the stupid crutch that we thought was helping us. It wasn't. I know you know that.

And THAT folks is how you maintain a quit for life. That is how you acquire that "FOREVER QUIT" that everybody seems to want but so few achieve.

Kerrie, THANK YOU, for sharing this heart break with us. And for trying to pass on the wisdom of your 700 day quit. "But I held tightly to my quit. I protected my quit as I protect my children from harm." That is EXACTLY what's necessary to maintain a life-long quit. "I will never stop smoking if I open that door, even for "just one"."

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your father. And my kudos go out to you for holding your quit so very tightly - no matter what. May those who still don't "get it," GET IT!