she's not there

Monday, Oct. 25, 2004

Happy Glorious Monday…..ugh…I’m already feeling tired. Let me talk about sleep and how wonderful it is to sleep without interruption and with the knowledge that you can do so as long as your body will permit. Saturday me and the man went to the Park where our wedding will be held. We then went out to a mid day lunch/early dinner at Sweet Tomato. Tons of salad and soup and pasta. Yum. It was around 5 or 6 p.m. when we were finished with dinner and we drove back to my apartment to take a nap.

We didn’t wake up for hours and hours. I woke up around 1 a.m. and got up and did my laundry. I also read “She’s not There” by Jennifer F. Boylan. I liked it so much and read it within 48 hrs of cracking it open. I wrote her the following email. Be aware this book is a memoir about her transformation from male to female. I was very intrigued by this book….and so I wrote an email to her.

Dear Jenny,

I picked up your recent book "She's not there" on a whim purely. I hate reading things that don't grab me. I recently read "Trans-Sister Radio by CHRIS BOHJALIAN" not really having a clue prior to buying it about what it was about. I cried and I pondered and I looked at the world differently after that novel. I was amazed and touched and yet wondered if a love that could overlook gender change could exist.

And then I picked up your book in Barnes and Noble two days ago because lets face it the cover rocks pink socks. I read the back and walked to the front and purchased it. I went home this past Friday night and started to read. I went to bed with my boyfriend around 6 p.m. I woke up around 1 a.m. and went back to the book. He wondered aloud later to me about why I was so drawn to your book.

There were a few things.

1. pure honesty
2. pure love
3. pure acceptance
4. unconditional love

I could tell you all about my former life and tell you how I could relate even though I've always been a girl and never wanted anything but to want to be a girl. Oh but the hellish years I wanted to be accepted and loved and whole. I would like to tell you that that part of your life....it happens to those of us born into this beautiful gender called girlhood.

Thank you for an amazing read. One that will stay with me for a long long time. And if you happen to know CHRIS BOHJALIAN who writes about Dr. Strang in his novel....tell him he did an amazing job writing a "novel" about transgenders. It was his novel that made me open to yours.

I too work at a University and it is the most accepting place I have ever worked. I actually "feel the love" at our learning center and I was pleased to know that Colby was not only accepting but gracious to you as the beautiful person that you are.

Again....thank you for sharing your story...your life... I will never forget how your children call you "Maddy". This touches me as children....they just are born knowing how life should be. Love just is and we should bend around it....