Ah, Lanai

Still in Hawaii, but we've been busy—relaxing and having lots of sex! A few days ago, we took a ferry from Maui to the island of Lanai, which is gorgeous and totally isolated. There's not even one traffic light on the island. So we've spent our days lounging around the pool, drinking fun, frozen drinks, eating—and having lots o' love! When there's nothing else to do, sex comes so easily! Here's a pic of our hotel, The Four Seasons at Manele Bay, which is so romantic:

The biggest thing that's happened on this trip is that Dan and I are starting to talk about maybe having a baby. We're married two years, have a house, good jobs. Maybe it's time to bring in a third. I wrestle with it though—I love being a married grown up. This is one of my favorite stages of life so far—I never really liked being single and more than anything, always wanted to find the guy to settle down with. Now that I have it and we've finally entered the stage of our lives and careers where we can travel and go out to eat and buy a good bottle of wine every once in a while, I hesitate to give that up. I feel like having a kid will somehow impede on my grown-up fun.

Here's the other thing that's kinda hard to admit, for fear of a collective gasp from women everywhere: I really like being a wife. I like being Dan's main squeeze. I like being his right-hand woman. I don't know if I want to share him with a kid. i like that it's just us—our little club of us. I'm not sure I want to open it to any new members. And for as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a wife more than a mother. I wanted a partner in crime. I wanted to wow my husband with delicious dinners. I wanted to take dippy dance classes together. I finally have that and I'm so afraid that I will lose it if I have a kid.

But Dan definitey wants kids. If he didn't want it, I probably would opt out. The same thing with our house. I wanted it, but he REALLY wanted it. It's sort of like we're standing on the edge of a cliff and he's ready to jump with his hand out, looking at me like, "Grab my hand and jump! It will be ok." But I'm scared. Should I just take the leap or what?

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