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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Howard kicked off the World's Biggest Whore contest by introducing porn star Ava Devine. Ava told the crew she was down for whatever: "I'm known as The Lady of the Lake. I will do anyone, anytime, anywhere, anyhow." Asked to elaborate, Ava listed "random strange men," little people and "people with all disorders." Ava said she loves when men with cerebral palsy come to see her dance: "I would go and take them in the back and jerk them off."

Ava said handicapped people make good lovers: "When they laugh, they really laugh. When they cry, they really cry. When they cum, they really cum." Ava went on to describe herself as a "receptacle" and her nights out with an 84-year-old friend named Mr. Anderson: "He loves sucking dick and swallowing...we go and we suck dick together, whether at an adult book store or swing clubs--for fun."

SHE'S AN ANAL QUEEN TOO

Ava said she was recently hit on by a guy at the gas station: "So I reached down, unzipped his pants and jerked him off right there...I finished him off before my tank was filled." Howard wondered if she like anal, and Ava jumped: "I'm an Anal Queen! I can take fists up my ass. I love double anal." Ava bragged that she'd once even taken a lava lamp up her ass. If she wins today: "I'm going to take my parents on vacation. They think I work for very wealthy men. Like, in the office--as a clerical assistant."

SAL'S SNAPPER TALK, PART 1

Sal then came in for the Dirty Talk portion of the contest: "I'm ready to rip apart this little f’ bucket." Ava asked for hands-on dirty talk, but Sal begged off: "I'm married." Sal started with a request: "Tell me what you want me do with those titties." Ava jumped in: "I want you to suck on them and then I want to titty-f’ that big strong cock." Sal one-upped her: "I want to pull out my dick out with shit streaks on it...lick all my ass juice." But Ava took the cake: "I'm going to fingerf’ you and massage your prostate and you're going to blow a load deep down my throat."

SABRINA, WORLD'S BIGGEST WHORE CONTESTANT #2

The 2nd contestant, the 5'11" 118lb Sabrina Deep, introduced herself as a fan-f’ing porn star: "I'm a big fan of my fans...I actually go out of my way to stalk these guys out and get them in bed with me." Sabrina will also take on dudes who don't know who she is: "Just before we came here, I actually blew the cabdriver." She estimated that she'd been with over 6,000 men: "I'm never raw. I wouldn't do this if I were raw...I like to get so dirty--just covered in cum."

Sabrina said she was married and that participating in today's contest might end said marriage, so Howard introduced Sal, as he was probably in same boat. Sal got right to work: "First of all, take off those panties you slut. That is a nice snapper....look at those dirty piss flaps. Work that snapper." Sal then had her turn over and spat on her asshole: "Right up your filthy f’ing shitlocker!" Sabrina was definitely surprised: "You're really f’ing doing this! Yeah! That's it? He just spits on it--that's all?"

BREE, WORLD'S BIGGEST WHORE CONTESTANT #3

The 3rd contestant was frequent Stern show guest and porn star Bree Olsen. She said she loved her work as a feature/private dancer: "I just end up having sex with all of them...and then I have impregnation fantasies so I let them all cum inside me." Bree explained: "I pay attention to my cycle and there's only about two or three days out of the month that a woman can really get pregnant so I try not to do it during those times."

Howard asked if Bree was aware of the other risks of unprotected sex, and she nodded: "I do care but I can't help it. It's an addiction." Bree said she slept with as many as 30 guys a day, most recently banging nearly every guy in a Florida hotel--until all that was left was the elderly janitor: "I just went around the hotel looking for guys to have sex with...I'd already had like 20-something loads inside me...[after the janitor finished] he was like, 'You're an angel.'"

SHE FLIES WITH CUM ON HER FACE

Bree said she didn't like to shower between lovers: "The next morning [I'll] take a shower or something. I like to marinate...that's what gets me off, [when] I know I have loads inside me." JD said Bree had tweeted about going to the airport yesterday with cum on her face, so Bree explained that she'd left to catch her flight immediately after filming a porn scene. When he co-star handed her a towel, she refused: "I was like, 'No, I'm good, I'll just go to the airport like this.'"

Sal then came in for the Dirty Talk portion of the contest. Sal said he'd be 'Daddy' to Bree, as he knew she had a father-daughter fetish, and told her to remove her 'classy' dress: "Take that thing off and show daddy what a slutty pig you are." Sal asked Bree to sit on his head: "Put it all over daddy's face..tell me to eat your bologna twat!" Howard stopped Sal when he started to talk watersports: "Gargle it, you f’ing pig!"

HERE SHE IS…THE WORLD'S BIGGEST WHORE

Robin voted for Ava Devine: "She said even horses appeal to her." JD agreed: "Ava Devine would f’ anything or anyone." Fred also registered his vote for Ava, calling her "the Mohammad Ali of Whores," but the first dissenting vote came from Scott Depace, who liked Sabrina: "Bree is too pretty." Sal also admired Sabrina: "She took my spit up her asshole." Later, Howard tallied the listeners' votes and reported that 55% had gone to Bree Olsen. Bree thanked the voters, saying they'd "saved thousands of lives"--she'll be donating $3,000 of her $5,000 prize to the ASPCA. And then, to celebrate, all 3 girls got on the Sybian for the Sybian’s first threesome.
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