Write Your Own High Evolutionary Origin! (Also, You Made Art!)

Apparently we’re all about the High Evolutionary today, starting with this great piece of fan art–riffing on our Very Sound Theory on the actual implications of his name–from artist Kyle Latino:

The High Evolutionary, by Kyle Latino

We had so much fun writing the High Evolutionary Mad-Libs for the Episode 96 cold open that we decided to make a playable version! Try your hand at concocting a new secret origin for the only supervillain so bad at his job that Apocalypse had to stage an intervention–and share your horrifying new canons in the comments!

Renegade Assistant Cloning Manager Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Tabula Rasa when, influenced by the works of The Jackal, he attempted to develop a means of Creating A Functioning Thor Clone That Thinks He’s The Real Spider-Man. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Kree Soldier approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Creating Twelve Decoy Clones To Post As The Real Erik The Red. Along with his BFF and fellow SHIELD Agent Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Helicarrier #12, where he enslaved the subterranean Skrull Cows and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Acid Rain and Thunderstorm, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 16th century World-Domination-Attempt Historian, and his daughter Jessica ended up with The Techno-Organic Virus, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Monkey juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Uncomfortably Spiky Hat to keep him safe from the Werewolf that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Collecting Adamantium Miniatures.

Renegade Accountant Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in West Philadelphia when, influenced by the works of A Couple Of Guys Who Were Up To No Good, he attempted to develop a means of First Sheep Clone. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Skrull approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to First Skrull Clone. Along with his BFF and fellow Senior Accountant Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Southgate, where he enslaved the subterranean Skrulls and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Smog and Hole In The Ozone Layer, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 17th century Vice President Of Finance, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Diabetes, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Goat juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Bathrobe to keep him safe from the Cloverfield that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Bankrupting Fortune 500 Companies.

enegade Soldier Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living inCanada when, influenced by the works of Victor Von Doom, he attempted to develop a means ofTime Travel. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Kree approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key toHologram Technology. Along with his BFF and fellow Engineer Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Blue Area Of The Moon, where he enslaved the subterranean Shi’ar and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Hurricane and Volcanos, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 34th century NHL Player, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Lou Gerrig’s Disease, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Rhinosaurus juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Shirt to keep him safe from the Godzillathat had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Collecting Pages Of The Darkhold.

Ah I misspelled my email on the last post on accident! I’ve fixed it (feel free to remove my last post!) – Ahhh! Totally want to buy a print of this week’s High Evolutionary art! So fun. Might be a silly question but how/where can I get my hands on a print?

To do that, you’d need to get in touch with the original artist! We can’t pass on contact info without permission; but Kyle, if you’re reading this, it’s one of a number of requests we’ve seen (personally, my vote is for a black-velvet poster).

Renegade Archaeologist Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Uruguay when, influenced by the works of Apocalypse, he attempted to develop a means of Nobel Prize For Chemistry. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Kree approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Discovering A New Element. Along with his BFF and fellow Ditch Digger Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Out Back Behind The Ralph’s, where he enslaved the subterranean Groots and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Spike Floors and Flamethrower Trap, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 33th century Technical Services Representative, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Scabies, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Raccoon juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Garter Belt to keep him safe from the Werewolf that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Naked Basejumping.

Renegade Journalist Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Octopusheim when, influenced by the works of Hank Pym, he attempted to develop a means of Bear Clones. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Shi’ar Space Bird Jerk approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Time Travel. Along with his BFF and fellow Radio Show Host Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Blue Area Of The Moon, where he enslaved the subterranean Skrulls and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Chemical Spill and Raw Sewage, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 42th century Geologist, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Influenza, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Horse juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Beret to keep him safe from the Wendigo that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Animal Cuddling.

Renegade Super Doctor Astronaut Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Asteroid M when, influenced by the works of Obscure X-Factor Villian, #1 Fan, he attempted to develop a means of Developed The Multiversal, Dimension-Hopping Technology That Allowed Logan To Be EVERYWHERE In The ’90s. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Magus Of The Technarc approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Built Widget. Along with his BFF and fellow Latverian Travel Agent Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic The Guthrie Family Farm, where he enslaved the subterranean BAMFs and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Logan’s Cigar Smoke and Runaway Russian Tractors, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a Eleventy Billionth century Angry Claremontean Narrator, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Space Herpies, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Lockheed juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Cyclops’ Octopusheim Toga to keep him safe from the Wendigo that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Collecting Molds, Spores And Fungus.

Renegade Paleontologist Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Jodinhime when, influenced by the works of Justin Beber, he attempted to develop a means of Portal Gun. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Kull approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Mutant Manipulatior. Along with his BFF and fellow Florida Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic Canada, where he enslaved the subterranean Were-Cats and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Donald Trump and Justin Beber, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 42th century Moon Man, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Ebola, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Anklyosourous juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Sock to keep him safe from the Mimic that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Heroclix.

Renegade Astrophysicist Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in The Blue Area Of The Moon when, influenced by the works of The In-Betweener, he attempted to develop a means of String Theory. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Asgardian approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Fermats Last Theorem. Along with his BFF and fellow Bureaucrat Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic The Skrull Homeworld, where he enslaved the subterranean Eternals and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Blue Mist and Cosmic Rays, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 44th century Teacher, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Fish-Odor Syndrome, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Clownfish juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Socks to keep him safe from the Owlbear that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Arguing On The Internet.

Renegade Activity Director Herbert Wyndham, who may or may not be the partial namesake of the first Premier of Queensland, Australia, was living in Portland when, influenced by the works of Donald Trump, he attempted to develop a means of Uterine Replication. Wyndham was rejected by his academic peers until a disguised Hooloovoo approached him in a back alley to offered Wyndham the key to Jet Pack Technology. Along with his BFF and fellow Writer Jonathan Drew, Wyndham then made a beeline for scenic The Zoo, where he enslaved the subterranean Dolphins and forced them to build him an advanced research facility. Unfortunately, their new home was infested with Somebody Else’s Problem Field and Unexploded Cows, which collectively made short work of the Drew family: Jonathan was possessed by a 6th century Televangelist, and his daughter Jessica ended up with Necrotizing Fasciitis, which Jonathan attempted to cure by injecting her with Pangolin juice. After Jonathan had left, Wyndham proceeded to build himself a Trench Coat to keep him safe from the Tiny Fear Demon that had killed Drew`s wife, enabling Wyndham to safely pursue his passion for Building A Boat.