8.09.2012

All of it

Hi, all.
I’ve received a number of concerned e-mails and comments in the past few days, wondering if the quiet around here meant that the baby has arrived, so let me say first: NO BABY YET.

I am, however, in my 36th week of pregnancy. And as of about ten days ago, I finished writing the manuscript for my next book - or this draft of it, anyway. There’s still plenty of revising and hand-wringing to do, but at least I now have something to improve upon. And Essex, the bar we’re putting in next door to Delancey, is opening in less than a week. (!) Lots of Big Life Stuff. Huge Life Stuff. Giant Life Stuff.

Oddly enough, or oddly for me, I’ve been feeling okay with it. It was only this past Tuesday afternoon - as I stood in the dining room at Delancey, surrounded by power tools, cases of newly delivered wine and vegetables, upended chairs, slips of paper, wine samples, and dozens of jars of housemade bitters and liqueurs - that, for the first time, I felt like cowering in a corner. And screaming. Just briefly.

But mostly, it’s been okay. And I’m glad for that, because I want to be present for all of it, for every stupidly stupidly stupidly full minute of these last pre-child weeks: the late-night pizza at Delancey, the Essex menu-planning meetings and spot prawn tastings and cultured butter tastings and beer-boiled pretzel tastings, the errands, the quiet moments between errands, our fifth wedding anniversary, the half-days off, the feeling of driving around with the stereo* up and no baby yet in the backseat, no one to take care of but myself. It feels right to pay attention now - to this summer, to my life Before. I know that sounds very final and dramatic and sort of sad and possibly even apocalyptic (dun dun DUUNNNN), but I don’t mean it that way. I just mean that it feels good to be in the middle of so much, and to pause and look around. Because I know everything will look different soon.

I took the photographs in this post over the past two weeks. The ones of Essex, in particular, were taken last Friday. They’re already out of date. Along that wallpapered wall, there’s now a walnut banquette and a row of porcelain sconces, and there’s white marble on top of the bar and walnut cladding along its face. About an hour ago, pendant lights were being hung. I cannot possibly say enough complimentary things about our friend Joe Burmeister, the man who’s overseeing the whole mess and making it into something with actual shape. This time - unlike three years ago this Sunday, when we opened Delancey - Brandon and I are not the ones swinging the hammers. That may be part of why I’m not writing this from a psychiatric ward.

Instead, I’m eating my weight in tomatoes. No small feat, given that my weight is something special lately.

I’ve also made that blueberry crumble I mentioned in my previous post, and a fresh blueberry pie, and a peach crumble, and a loaf of zucchini bread. It was all tasty.

But to be 100% honest, none of it made me feel like writing about it. The truth is, I think I like a bowl of raw blueberries, or a few slices of peach, or a pile of plain roasted zucchini, more than anything interesting that I could make or bake from them. The Life Lessons of Molly Wizenberg, age 33¾.

(Alice shares my sentiment.)

More soon.

* I’ve been listening to R.E.M.’s Murmur since I was 14, and I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it. The best song, in my opinion, begins at 26:51.

P.S. Sarah Coffey! Are you reading this? You sent me (via Delancey) a very, very kind card and baby gift, but in a moment of overzealous straightening-up, I threw away the envelope with your address on it. Gah. If you’re reading this: thank you.

How exciting- all of it! I have been to Seattle/Tacoma several times since you opened Delancey, and I haven't been able to get there yet. The one time my sis and I had planned to go... it was closed :( One of these days I'll get to experience your much-talked-about restaurant and the bar too! I wish you all kinds of luck and fun with your new little one. Can't wait to see!

Oh gosh, you must go to Delancey! I managed it about 18 months ago (and I go through Seattle a lot - it's almost always the way out of Alaska!) It was pizza to die for! The thin crust of my growing up on the east coast, but sooo much better. And the salad, wow. We couldn't finish it. :)

Glad to hear from you Molly, I've been wondering. Another blogger I read is also due around the same time and my great-niece at the end of September, so I'm full of pregnant ladies to be concerned about. Enjoy these last days!

doesn't sound depressing at all. sounds wise, as per usual coming form you. I hope you get special moments between now and when the babe comes. Love the shadow of your belly in that photo of essex, so cute! Can't wait to visit, looks like things are shaping up beautifully.

You have absolutely no idea how different the rest of your life is just beginning to become :) I know what you mean about eating stuff unadulterated. I've been eating strawberries, fresh from my garden, everyday for the last three weeks, although I was forced to preserve some in brandy and sugar because we just couldn't keep up with the harvest.

The Professor and I had the pleasure of dining at Delancy's w/Shauna & Danny earlier this week; Brandon took very good care of us 'gluten-free' folks and i have to say the food was to-die-for. Essex looks gorgeous and i know it will be a huge success - wishing all of you much joy as you enter this next phase of your lives!

Yay! I've been thinking of you and wondering if your new family member has arrived yet as I am helping my youngest son pack for his first year of college. We couldn't wait to leave L.A. for Seattle 25 years ago and now he is excited to be going to San Diego. Dorky circle of life! Blessings to you and Brandon and all of the excitement of new beginnings.

It's so fitting (to me) that you're finishing up the second book just now. I began reading A Homemade Life yesterday and am charmed and already looking forward to the next book. I just bought and moved into my first house a couple of months ago and so it suits my very homey, nesting feelings very well. All the best to you and B!

Happened to be in the neighborhood visiting family and walked to Delancey with my fiancee for dinner and drinks tonight. The food was amazing and we both felt like the staff went above and beyond the call of duty. And the bar looks like it will be great. Wish we were still going to be in town on Wednesday to see it's opening!

My baby just turned one, and you are rightrightright to do all you have been doing. Do take moments to pause and look around, to note what will and won't be different, to ready as much as possible before you enter the tunnel vision of newborn life.

Around this time of my pregnancy, I asked my friends what I should be doing to get ready, and they all said to go on dates with my husband. So we did, and that was nice too.

Best wishes to you for a smooth delivery and a baby that sleeps and eats well.

Hi Molly:Glad you checked in. It's hard to be pregnant in the summer - you think I would have learned my lesson the first time around, but no. enjoy these last few weeks of life before baby. be well. congrats on all of the new adventures.

Congratulations on finishing the draft of your book in time for the arrival of the bambina! You two manage to pack 10 pounds into a 5 pound bag, but as long as you are enjoying it... more power to you!

So very excited for you, Molly! I feel much the same way about the awareness of the now (I'm just about 4 1/2 months pregnant). It being summer and all, I'm mostly enjoying cooking without doing much cooking. Looking forward to hearing more about Essex and dreaming about the next time I visit Seattle!

So glad to hear that everything is well with Essex and baby. I recently tried roasted zucchini for the first time this summer and am in love! I can't get enough of it. Have you had it stuffed with pesto? So good!

Wishing you an effortless opening and safe, quick delivery when the time comes. x

Ahhh, those last few weeks/days before the baby comes were so precious to me. I remember many tiny moments about that time...things that will always remind me of being pregnant and preparing for the birth of our little boy. I listened to one particular song (by Blitzen Trapper)every single day in those last weeks. It will always remind me of those sweet days before he was born.

I remember waiting for baby #1. I wasn't quite as sanguine as you (plus it was the middle of winter). Eating your weight in tomatoes sounds very appropriate and I'm sure the baby approves. Best wishes!

Hi, friends. Thanks so much for stopping by, and for the encouraging words! How weird to think that, depending on when this little girl arrives, the next post might be about her. We'll see...

Jennifer Jo, that big round thing in the fourth photo is indeed my belly! This baby is all out front.

blueberry, yep, it's a damask-style wallpaper, so you're bound to see different patterns, depending on how your eye takes it in. I think the face you're seeing is what we've been referring to as "the monkey."

You are wise to mark and remember your last few baby-free days, not because things change for the worse or anything, but because you forget what it was like not to have a baby once they arrive. I look back on the things I wrote and did right before the arrival of my little boy and I am grateful I have them because, otherwise, I wouldn't have a clear memory. Good luck to you as you begin all your new adventures.

Oh, and my pre-birth advice is about food. Whip up something you love (such as mac and cheese or chocolate cake) and pop it in the freezer before the baby comes. My experience is that you will be so glad you have it in the middle of the night sometime in the second week. That and English muffins with lots of jam.

Glad to hear you're doing well. I'm 34 weeks and right there with you; totally overbooked with last minute non-baby to do's, but feeling mostly okay, with occasional panic attacks sprinkled in for good measure. Hang in there. :)

I'm so pleased to hear that there will be a nice place to drink after we demolish our pizza and salad. Our daughter is at her dance class next door on Saturday evenings and we have often wished for somewhere close to have an adult beverage after dinner and not hog a table for 3 hours! Can't wait.

And I agree with Amy above - you are wise to remember these moments before your babe arrives. Our daughter turned 7 this summer, and only recently have we had enough space to catch our breath and have some experiences that remotely resemble pre-baby life.

We talk fondly of those days, mostly the sleeping in part! Our days now are harder than before but also better. Nothing feels sweeter to me than my daughter's soft cheek, and the way she slips her arm under my neck while she is sound asleep and I go in to check on her. We are wishing you well!

Hi Molly! I've been thinking of you since our panel at BHF in June. It seemed like it was about time for the little one to arrive (my baby radar still works despite my advanced age and teenager-filled home).

My husband and I have historically done several big life changes all at once. It always amazes me that I can glide through baby, job change, new house without a thought but sometimes buying a pair of pants can just stop me in my tracks!

I am very excited for you and all the new additions. Keep enjoying every moment. ..

That's so exciting that your little one is going to be here so soon! I will pray for a smooth transition for your family. And no, I don't think you sounded "apocalyptic" at all ... I think that is just learning to be present in the moment. Very wise to notice this, and not let life fly hastily away from you, and THEN wonder where your quiet time went. Blessings, and excellent post as always.

Molly Wizenberg! I am reading this, and am so, so glad you received my note and package; am also glad that you're a) in the middle of lots of exciting, life-changing things and b) taking the time to appreciate where you are now, before things change and c) still healthily pregnant and d) FINISHED with your manuscript, which is great for you and also SO GREAT FOR YOUR READERS! thinking of you in Massachusetts.

Hi Molly. I am so glad you wrote. Because I too as wondering.... Totally OK that you don't feel like posting any recipes. Your post reminded me of when I was in the same stage. There is a before and a after stage in these last few weeks, and now with a four year old, my husband and I don't remember the before so much sometimes. But it is "lovely" the waiting, and knowing you have a gift coming your way very very soon. Take care of yourself, and be well. All thoughts and prayers with you.

already such as wise mama :) You are totally right though. When there is a birth there is also a death - not in a morbid sort of way, but in a transformative one...a part of you will never be the same.

My third child is now fifteen years old and has a job and glorious dreams for the future. Sometimes I don't know how or quite when I arrived in just this spot. So wise of you to stop and think of this present because the next present will be entirely different. It's so easy to get overwhelmed with having a baby let alone running a restaurant and opening a new one! Remember this time and tell the kids stories about it one day!

Hi Molly, I was thinking about you and the babe when we were at Delancey last week. I adore that wallpaper and would love to have it in my baby nursery. Can you tell me who makes it or what it's called?

Hi Molly, Hope you have a few more weeks to go before the baby arrives. If you have the chance to go out to dinner or a movie (or both) try to do it every week if you can. I am looking forward to your next posts and your next book! Love the photos, as always!

I remember watching a woman wrangle a small child when I was pregnant with my first and thinking, it won't ever be this easy to get in and out of the car again. (I was right.) You are right to enjoy these last weeks as they are! Best wishes!

Just got around to reading your latest blog. My baby (or at least my first one of two) just got married on the 3rd. Hard to believe since it sometimes seems like I was just a 33 1/2 year old having my first little one. The time is magical. The pre-baby is blissful, but the baby time is unimaginably wonderful and oh does it go quickly. Enjoy your sleep now, but relish the moments that are about to arrive.

You are wise to savor these last few babyless weeks. Having a baby is a wonderful LIFE CHANGING event that you never could or would want to go back from, but it is different and it is good to savor what you have now.

Well my dear, when you do something --- anything --- you do it big. Very, very big. I had a dream last night that you had the baby. I woke up and said "Molly had the baby!!!" And I was fully expecting to go on line and find that you indeed had the baby. Who can predict these things. Anyway. I can't wait to give the Petunia a smooch. And then give Alice and Tater a smooch. And can't wait to celebrate with you and for you.

Good luck with everything and good for you for taking in those last moments where you are not driving around with a baby in the back seat. I didn't take in those last solo trips to the grocery store and then missed them like crazy once my kiddo arrived. Nearly four years later, a trip to the grocery store without him feels somewhat like a vacation. Have fun with your Before and After. :-)

Not depressing at all. Photos are nice! "But to be 100% honest, none of it made me feel like writing about it. The truth is, I think I like a bowl of raw blueberries, or a few slices of peach, or a pile of plain roasted zucchini, more than anything interesting that I could make or bake from them. The Life Lessons of Molly Wizenberg, age 33¾." ha ha, typical for pregnant women :)

Molly, there are many things I could say about how beautiful you make everyday life sound. But mostly I want to say: that gorgeous white ceiling! Oh, and best of luck with life's Big Things. I've heard 33 and 3/4 years of wisdom is helpful in such times.

Hi Molly! I can't imagine being uber-pregnant in the heat wave we're supposed to have the next couple of days! I hope you are comfortable and happy and that everything goes smoothly! We're all sending you good vibes!

So much energy, you young things have, even when you are very pregnant! My daughter is expecting her first baby, my first grandchild - a girl! - in mid-September and she too is still working. But will be stopping next week to take things a little easier and to enjoy those last weeks of pre-motherhood. I shall look forward to reading about your little one, and of course my own little one so close in age here in the UK.Hope all goes well for you when the big day comes, blessings!

You are right to be present in your life now, Before, because it does change. Mostly in amazing ways, but also in trying ways. After this, you will always be someone's mother, and that feels most definitely different than right now. Enjoy both sides :)

What an exciting time for you! I managed to snag an early table at Essex last night and enjoyed each and every moment of it. What a fantastic addition to our neighborhood. Looking forward to a baby announcement soon!

Molly, I just finished your book and I'm so glad I picked it up. Your writing is wonderful, the food terrific, and I was touched by your telling of your father's death. My father died last winter, after about 3 months fighting his cancer, and I felt such kinship with your story.

My first babe was born early August & I remember standing in the garden eating cherry tomatoes off the vine. I can't eat a sun warmed tomato from the vine without remembering being in awe of my body and the babe alive in my belly and missing it!

I finally made it to Delancey. The wait was worth it. The pizza (white pie) was sooo good.Also had a glass of wine at Essex. Very nice.You may have had your baby by now. If so, my congratulations to you!

Loving your blog!! I am visiting thanks to your book and also my friend Christina who dropped it off to my front stoop only a week ago. I immediately made two of your Winning Hearts and Minds cakes and am about to make the What France Tastes Like things. I can't wait, because I've never been.

Hi.Just read your first book. Thank You. So, then I went to your blog. Num-Num.Good luck, it looks like you have a lot on your plate! PS- My "real" name is Margaret too. I dont use it. Love your style. I'll keep reading.Your new friendSandy

You are exceedingly brave to open a new business in this economy.. especially a bar/restaurant.. they can be so tough to get going! (personal experience and observations) I wish you all the luck with all of your big changes. If it were easy.. everyone would have their own business.. it is nice that you will have something you built for yourselves!

We had such a wonderful meal (again!) at Delancy the other night. Family from Spain thoroughly impressed and delighted. The bar next door is a perfect alternative while waiting to be seated. All the best with your new baby!!!

Wishing you and Brandon all the best with your new little munchkin. I'm assuming you have had your little bambino by now since we haven't heard from you. Get some much needed sleep and look forward to hearing your good news :-)

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