Sportz fanz, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend begins with the reports that former USC running back Reggie Bush is about to be “stripped” of the 2005 Heisman Trophy – ostensibly for “receiving gifts, cash and other benefits” while at USC.

Now, the Downtown Athletic Club – or, as I guess they’re calling it now, the “Heisman Trophy Trust”, sponsor of the award, can do what it wants to, I s’pose, regarding recognition of the winner – though, if I’m Bush, I’m cordially inviting the Trust to come try and take the hardware. If they can stomach doing so whilst staring down my friend Mr. Mossburg, if you know what I mean.

But that’s just me.

What galls me, though, is the concept of what they’d propose to do with the award itself:

Bush met with Heisman officials last month in a New York law office, according to Yahoo! Sports. Instead of passing the trophy along to the 2005 runner-up Vince Young, the former University of Texas quarterback who now plays for the Tennessee Titans, the Heisman Trust will likely leave that season vacant, according to the website.

That aside, the idea of even proposing that widdle Vinita should get it is beyond me. As you people know, in my not-so-very-damned-humble opinion, Young isn’t deserving of the award either, based on the Bush logic. Let’s just say I don’t call the TU program the Highest Payroll In College Football Today for nothing.

On to the PFW. Thank Cthulu for high-school redistricting every couple of years.

Normally, this would be the week that, following the Azle game, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets would be brought back down to earth at the hands of the Birdville Buffaloes (Hawks? Whatever). But because of biennial (biennial?) redistricting, this year Week Two of the Heights season will be spent this evening squashing the FW Carter-Riverside Eagles.

Carter-Riverside is only slightly better than perennial doormat FW North Side – which is to say, the Eagles’ one annual win is usually against the Steers. Give me Heights and you can have 60 – and I’m not necessarily being facetious about that.

Saturday, the fourth-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will have their official (cough) home opener against Division I-AA Tennessee Tech. And I would be remiss in not reminding Gary Patterson about what happened ten years ago versus another D-1AA opponent in Northwestern State. Not that Patterson needed reminding.

Patterson still remembers an overtime home loss to Northwestern State during his first season as TCU head coach. And this past weekend, Jacksonville State — Tennessee Tech’s conference-mate — upset host Ole Miss.

“I just don’t want to be the next team who gets beat by an Ohio Valley Conference school,” Patterson said.

Arkansas beat Tech 44-3 last week, so this should be a somewhat similar squash.

Also Saturday, the 10th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners (that’s what happens when you look unimpressive against Utah State) have their toughest early test in several years when the 17-ranked Florida State Seminoles come a-calling. This is the first year in close to 35 years that Bobby Bowden is not the ‘Noles head coach, and they looked far more impressive last week in dismantling Samford (59-3) than OU did against the Aggies.

OU’s an eight-point favorite, but don’t be surprised if FSU wins straight-up.

Idaho State will come to Lincoln Saturday to play the whipping-boy-of-the-week for Bo Pelini’s sixth-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers as they continue to prepare for Big XII conference play by beating up on the Little Sisters o’ the Poor. ‘Nuff said about that.

Turner Gill gets to see what a real college football team is going to do to his Jayhawks as the 15th-ranked Georgia Tech Bulldogs come to Lawrence to lay a smackdown on Rock Chalk not terribly unlike what Boston College did to the UBeefalo Bulls a few years back. The moral of this story: Gotta get your wins in when you can in the Big XII, Turner.

Early Saturday, 11th-ranked Bucky continues its pre-Big 11 Ten feast by having San Jose State come in to play the sacrificial lamb. Now, SJS isn’t all that bad – but they’re a WAC team, and WAC teams simply aren’t going to win in Madison – not even Smurf Turf Fuckhead State, were they ever to have the balls to play there.

Bucky’s a 38-point favorite over the Spartans, and I don’t think it’s going to be the close.

Sunday night, it’s Al, Chris, Keef Olberdouche and the rest of 30 Rock’s sports imbeciles as the C’boys go up to Warshington to take on Donna McCrabbs, the World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever and Mike Shanahan’s Foreskins. This’ll be the first time since they started keeping track that a quarterback has started three consecutive games against one team, and you’d think Donna’d be having nightmares about Demarcus Ware RightAboutNow.

It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)