Tukatiane

A Blow Job A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

Being a nerd with a brain like Dexter’s, I enjoy conducting extensive research on various phenomena from time to time. Lately I have been analyzing blow jobs and after several experiments in my laboratory (Etemesi’s Laboratory) a.k.a my bedroom, I can safely conclude that blow jobs are life. Thank heavens for blow jobs!!

Seriously though, away from my bedroom, collective reproductive health research from Ivy League institutions shows that spermatozoa released by the testes accounts for less than 5% of the semen’s composition — meaning the vast majority of gooey liquid that jets out of a man isn’t sperm. The remaining 95% is a whole mix of compounds that are extremely good for the human body’s functioning. Things like:

– Vitamin C
– Protein
– Vitamin B12
– Enzymes
– Lipids

These are nutrients you won’t find in your chipo, pizza and Guarana. I’m talking to you ladies. On top of that, semen also contains mood-enhancers like serotonin, estrone, oxytocin, melatonin, and cortisol–all of which promote euphoria and relaxation. Along with decreasing anxiety and stress, giving a blowjob and swallowing has been shown to actively reduce blood pressure and reduce the risk of preeclampsia.

You know what this means ladies. It’s time to woman up and do away with the ‘ewwws’. You shouldn’t just give BJs but you should also swallow the cum too. This doesn’t mean that you go on sucking different different cocks every day. Suck your man’s cock.

And if you still have reservations about swallowing, you can ask him to cover your face with his load. This will save you time and money on those expensive face creams. Cum contains zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium, and fructose, giving it the same tightening effects as most wrinkle reducing face creams on the market.

Coming back to us men, blow jobs help us keep stress at bay. We also view blow jobs as an act of submission, love and caring. Give me a good blow job and you’ll be surprised at the things I can do for you. Refusing to suck dick shows just how uncaring you are. You only care about your own pleasure and not mine. You only want me to please you and make you cum but you don’t want me to enjoy the pleasures of your mouth too. Real girls don’t even need to be asked, or have their head pushed into position. They just get on their knees and do it

From my experiences, there are four reasons why a girl would balk at giving blowjobs.

1. She’s holier than thou. These kinds of chicks are annoying for no good reason. Guys, when a girl signals that she doesn’t enjoy blowjobs or sex, do not spend one second more with her. Your libido is too important to gamble on such a girl. At the first signs you have a sex-averse girl on your hands, run, do not even walk. if you stay with her, you will suffer endless blueball torment as she slowly drains the masculinity out of you and drives you to the brink of insanity.

2. She is inexperienced. She might have encountered very few men. She might never even have done a blow job before. If such is the case, don’t blame her. It’s your duty to teach her how you like it done. A blow job is one of those skills a woman can learn from even one attempt. I have taught several girls how to suck my dick well. They ended up being perfect.Every man who came after me should buy me a beer .

3. She has been used by so many men. Some girls will make you wait it out for the goodies, teasing you with a lick on the shaft and unnecessary playfulness, until you’ve satsified their need to know you are really into them. These types have been burned by many men, and regard your infinite patience and heavy balls as evidence that you love her for more than her body. Avoid her. You don’t want a girl in your life who uses sex as a weapon. You don’t want a girl who views sex as an all-in-one tool for self-validating ego-prop.

Of all the types I have listed here, this type is the most loathsome. She’s a selfish headcase. Damaged goods. She’s been on a merry-go-round of cock since puberty and woke up one morning feeling bad about it. Now she sees it as her duty to make amends for her whorish history, and you are her experimental guinea pig. “I’m not a slut!” pleads her shattered, widened hole. “And I’m going to prove it with this guy!” So she refrains from gobbling your cock, or makes you wait past the 5th date for sex, thinking she can silence the screaming of the slut as a born-again prude. This is new ground she’s on, so she’s bound to be clumsy about it. You’ll hear her say incongruous things like “Stop pressuring me!” as she’s splayed out naked on your bed, legs spread wide, pussy leaving juice spots on your sheets. She will infuriate you so avoid her. She can practice keeping her lips shut on another sucker. You’re not her sacrificial redeemer.

Only accommodate girls who are happy about blow jobs. The others can go stress some other guy, not you.

About Us

Tukatiane is a 'Relationships and Sex' website run by award winning Kenyan writer Philip Etemesi. His goal is to help everyone have excellent relationships as well as healthy sex lives. Other goals are to provide entertainment to readers through witty and edgy stories.
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