Cause I'm Too Chicken to Say it in Person

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My Grown Up Birthday Wish(es)

I turn 34 today. La de frickin da. Not a really momentus age. I’m not really a birthday person. Some people treat it like the whole earth should shut down on this the day of their birth. I guess I got over it pretty quick because as a kid being a summer birthday means no one at school ever really cared because you didn’t bring cupcakes, didn’t get balloons, and got lumped together with the 5 other kids on the last day of school for an unexcited rendition of happy birthday.

Summer birthdays do however, get to throw kick ass parties. We get to go swimming, throw water balloons, drink frosty drinks, eat ice cream and not get the shivers, and have our parties outside. Plus, no matter where you fall in the summer, you essentially get presents every six months – once in the winter and once in the summer! So overall, not such a bad gig.

I thought I would share with you a few things I’d like for my birthday this year. Feel free to help out if you can.

I would like my daughter to not have to go potty at every single public place to which we travel.

I would like to not have to wear Spanx today.

I would like to be able to eat an entire cookie cake and lose weight.

I would like to spend the day with my kids in the pool without having to reapply sunscreen constantly.

I would like my husband to be able to find work within a 20 mile radius of our house. With awesome pay and benefits. That brings him home at 4:30 promptly each day with no weekend work. And to which he likes going.

I would like airline pilots to tell you the exact reason and specific timeframe for their delay. Not everyone, just me. It’ll be our secret. (This is more for my husband.)

I would like my kids to wake each morning cheerful, motivated and on task to be ready at 7:15 a.m. (Monday thru Friday).

I would like same kids to sleep each Saturday and Sunday until at least 9:00 a.m. Then wake cheerfully….

I would like to not have the pimply skin of a 13 year old and the paunch of a middle age beer sluggin man. But, I still want to eat brownies whenever I feel like it.

I want water to taste like the most fantastic drink on earth (IDK, margies, wine, pop, anything but nothing).

I want healthy food to actually fill me up (I’m talking to you fruits and vegetables).

I want people to stop dying of cancer (woah, that got heavy).

I would like to love exercising and not get assaulted by disgusting birds whilst trying to do it. (See my FB Confessions of an Introvert page. Then like the page. Come on, I need you to like me!!!)

I would like unlimited funds in my Amazon and iTunes accounts to support my porn and music habit.

And the usual, personal chef, trainer, maid, nanny, and so on. Oh yeah, and world peace, end to hunger, cure for AIDS and cancer. All that’d be great.