i'm 18 and currently attending my first year of college. i dont think i have ever felt more alone in my life than i do at this point in my life. i dont know how to exactly explain to anyone this pain i am feeling. i have no interest in my social life, no interest in anytype of hobbie and to add to my current stress level, i've failed my first couple of midterms and i'm so miserable. it seems like i've always have been a ****ed up but i thought when i went away to school things would change, and since they have gotten severly worse...i feel so hopeless. i've been depressed for about 4 years now but i feel like i've reached my limit. its too painful for me to feel this way every day all day. my mind, body and soul is just so tired of holding on. i feel like i cant control my thoughts or emotions, like i have a over active imagination. i cant concentrate in school and i can barely function thoughout the day. i feel like i'm going to go crazy if i dont hurry up and end this crap already. i hate myself more than i have ever hated anything in the world. i hate my appearance, they way i talk, the way i move, the way i breath....i just cant stand to be in my own skin anymore. its uncomfortable for me to just be me. it hurts to feel so alienated and soo utterly alone. if someone.....anyone could find some way to make me feel alive and human again please write back becuase i dont know if my pathetic life is worth dragging on... i am just so tired of being a disapointment to everyone including myself. i feel so worthless and i cant stop crying...i really have never felt so much pain in my entire life and had to face it all alone.

Welcome to the hardest part of your life. I always thought that the insecurities that coincide with being a high school student were rought, but the first year of college is the point in your life where you make your transition into the real world. I had a really hard time myself. I went there not knowing anyone and ultimately isolated myself for the first semester until I started to run into those that I went to high school with. One thing that I learned is that there are many others in the same ship as you. They are just as timid and fearful. Whether you realize it or not, those in college are not like those in high school: They are not out to take their insecurities out on you. They want to be your friend. There are many ways to meet others and rid yourself of the isolation. What I did is highly unsuggestable, and that is drinking. Drinking is rarely safe unless done in moderation but makes one a social butterfly. If you think that it's a possibility that you may have an addictive personality, you should probably not do that. I am reitorating that I am not recommending that you start doing that. It may sound very lame but joining a sorority would help you make instant friends. Even pledging you would meet others in your shoes. There are also many different clubs at your school that you could try to get involved with. No matter what, it will take some motivation to get out there and make these changes. It is totally doable. As hard as it is, try to lift your head up high as it has been down for so long, suck up your pride and make the appropriate changes.

As far as the grades go, talke to your instructors and see what you can do to improve your grades. You are capable of getting good grades. You were accepted into a college! It's not too late to turn things around. You have what, a month or so left in the semester? It would probably be worth the extra work to not flunk out and have to start all over again.

You really can do it!

JW"I never look forward, because I have no idea about how any of it happened to getting here. I've no idea how the next five years are going to be."--Paul McCartney

I am so sorry that you are feeling this helpless i have been there and it hurts, hurts bad. Hang on don't give up. Remember to breath, breath, breath. One thing I would suggest is to seek out the mental health clinic or counseling center at your college. Almost every college has one and it would help. You need to talk to someone, a real life person not just someone on line. It does help a lot to come here so don't stop talking here eather. we are here to help.

My son experienced a great deat of difficulty last year, his freshman year in college, and had many of the same concerns that you shared. It really helped him A LOT to go to a counselor at his school. I was so proud of him for realizing that he needed help and taking that step towards counseling on his own! It really did help him so much. He is MUCH happier this year and has made a lot of new friends. He, of course, still gets stressed about grades, girls, etc., but realizes that that's just a part of college life and growing up. In fact, my son gave me the courage to go to counseling myself. Try it! I will be thinking about you.