Now that everyone around me is popping babies like there is no tomorrow, and I guess that’s the natural circle of life, and the normal progression of my generation is to reproduce, however, one cannot help but notice how these newly “devoted” parents are completely acting like insane maniacs.I understand that our generation was brought up with somewhat tough circumstances, I mean back then, most parents thought second hand smoking will strengthen the lungs and maybe cure a child’s asthma, when whiskey was an appropriate desensitizer, and most families considered the space between the backseat and the back windshield a legitimate seat for the smallest family member, who is almost always just a little bit beyond infancy age; even the lap of the driver at times was also considered as a suitable space for those kids who are able to steer the car responsibly, while the driver is trying to light up a cigarette from the car lighter, more than often it would be dropped on the car’s floor and the entire residents of the car will start looking for it so the car won’t catch on fire, mind you the responsible steering kid is not part of the searching squad , hence his duty to begin with.

When has complaining become the core of every single conversation? Nowadays, whining became more of a competition; the one with most things to moan about is the one working the hardest. I accidentally ran into two old friends of mine at a coffee shop near my office, I have not seen them since we lived back in Jordan. At the beginning, it was a typical catching up about current news and of course, lots and lots of smoking took place on their part, Jordanians are the heaviest smokers in the region, cigarettes are such a big part of our lives that we actually use it as a time unit, a typical complaint about unpunctuality would be “you are so late I smoked half a pack waiting for you”; it is even used to measure distances, “smoke two cigarettes and you will be there”, planning for gatherings requires careful cigarette inventory forecasting, in posh funerals, we place all brands of cigarettes on a tray as a gesture of generous hospitality.

I Like to do things right, or so I believe. Others might say, no, this is a textbook addictive personality trait. Nevertheless, my coffee has to be so strong it gives me the shivers, my drink will get me drunk, my workout will get me numb and sore, if I like a TV series, my life will stop, and I will stay up for 2 nights in a row to finish it, ice cream must give me a brain freeze, my motto is: if 1 is good then 10 should do it. Have you ever liked a t-shirt so much you bought 5 of the same exact one? If you did, you will know what I am talking about, maybe not to the extent to be rushed to the emergency room for consuming a Costco Nutella jar during a Soprano episode! Among the other effects of my “absolutely-nothing-in-moderation-attitude” are the facts that I can no longer drink tequila if my life depended on it, cotton buds are my worst enemy, I refrained from taking any medication, because I always think that I can take more to heal faster. Again, no mediocracy and no half-assing things GO BIG or GO HOME.

So, what’s up with all this tough macho talk you might ask?

Ok, here it is, I won a gift voucher for a full day pass at a renowned spa.

Eid El Adha just passed, and I look around to realize that much of its tradition has changed so much that it is not recognizable anymore, I see kids hovering around on mini Segways while texting, I don’t know where to start in regards to how strange this picture is, don’t get me wrong, I am not by any means nostalgic or claim to belong to a generation who label this new generation as pampered rotten, but one must admit that we are the last surviving generation of the OLD WAYS.

Whether it was good or bad, that’s beside the point, but during the period of the “old ways” it was a completely different experience growing up, and it is not entirely technology related, attitudes were entirely different, admittedly there was no internet, or video games, no cell phones, back then calling a friend could have meant speaking to most of his family members before they get a hold of him, sometimes hearing an entire argument that was taking place in his house before he actually attended your call, and you could easily loose a friend because his brother decided to screen all his calls to spite him for wearing his shirt.

Last week I was attending a meeting with several business associates of ours, some whom are Indian and some are Iranian, as an audience, all 8 of us, our English proficiency varied greatly, however most of us had enough knowledge of the language to get by in social interactions and covered basic communication skills to practice commerce and trade, nevertheless, the attendees pioneered many industries and own several businesses and compiled large wealth, excluding me of course, and a British manager named Nigel was presenting his company’s services in his conference room, I looked around the table to realize that non of us are comprehending what this man is saying, it sounded like English, we recognize the words we are hearing, but we cannot seem to fathom his sentences,

The boys and I planned a guys’ night out, finally we were able to arrange for all of us to get passes on the same night, arranging for this to happen needs deep knowledge in astrophysics, because the stars and the moons have to be aligned for such a rare occurrence to take place. We walked into the Yacht Club in Dubai Marina ever so excited chatting and contemplating among ourselves whether to order a full bottle or fast track draught beer followed with Jagermeister shots, not knowing that we have a bigger hurdle to overcome, it appears that the yacht club has a dress code.

Many unfortunate men have developed GYNOPHOBIA, which is fear of women, or fear of approaching women, it is a spreading disease, certainly like all other phobias, it occurs in both dilutedand severe symptoms.The modern day independent woman has transformed much of her demeanour to suit our current dog eats dog world, and hence, she has gained a new set of vicious mannerisms to enable her to survive, or even get ahead in life, however, this new persona frighten the living crap out of men, and restrains them from approaching this new breed of women, a phobia of courting, wooing has come to surface.

Leaving your house early in the morning to start your day is always interrupted by the long wait in the lift lobby, we all have this sense of entitlement to this common area devise, and one will always wonder who the hell is holding up MY elevator and you start praying that it won’t make any stops while it descents to your majestic floor, because you are dying to give that weasel the evil eye for holding up YOUR elevator. I actually ran up the stairs 4 floors to scream at someone, once I saw the family loading their kid’s wheelchair I didn't know what to do, and there I was out of breath staring at them, and in dire need for CPR.

Remember this, every time that elevator door opens, it’s always a new surprise waiting for you in that little chamber, it is Kinder egg for adults, I find the elevator trip to be the most awkward moment of all modern day encounters.