Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm happy and sad at the same time... its almost the end of the year... I might be able to find someone that I gradually like.... OK.. correction... I think I have found the 1 person that I gradually like.... OK..... Another correction!!!! I might have.... sorta.... could be.... ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I can't understand my feelings anymore!! is this how it feels like to fall in love????

My friends told me to accept him... I might... but I don't know.... Maybe I just need time to understand my feelings better... I just don't know why ... why I couldn't bring myself to like him... I mean I like him.... but I'm not confident with my feelings... I don't know If I'm making the right choice.... I seriously hate my condition now.... I just don't understand it.... Stupid me huh???

But I couldn't deny the fact that I'm happy to have a first reciprocate love.... I'm afraid to open the door of new things ahead of me... I have a lot of vision... happy vision... but I'm still not presented with the bad things... I'm afraid of surprises that I might regret later... I ask Lord , God... what should I do... I ask for forgiveness if I did something wrong.... I ask to be rid of this feeling, if he is not mine to keep.... I ask to be clear of my feelings...

Laughing, smiling. All around me.
I wish I could be the same
I wonder what could be
That can help me to be happy

All along I know I am strong
Standing alone is not wrong
I am smiling showing I'm not weak
But inside you can't see its hidden

I can't say that you're wrong
I can't say that you're right
I can't think of anything that can set my heart straight
I can't feel anything that can help to put me head right

Although I know you'll not read this
Although I know you don't know its existences
Although you might be somewhere else
Although you might just be in my mind
But I still want to say that thank you
and know that 'll never forget you.

Monday, September 12, 2011

to think about the memories that is artificial.... i want it to be real.... real for me to remember....
something that I desires to remember..... a fake memories....
A shell can capture the sound of the sea... like a memory....
but what if it capture something else??
something more just the sound, something just as real??
the feeling of a fake memories.... it just... sometimes it just nice to decide what your end is... isn't it???

hey guys.... so today I'm back with a whole lot of new ideas... okay since you know that I'm a kind of girl that observes here what I want you to think....

Ever wonder:
What would happen
if your name is not your name?
if you have a whole new identity?
If you have an artificial memory of someone being important to you?
If you found out that the artificial memories was actually your past live memories?
if you lived for eternity?
if you found out that you were labelled something that you weren't?
If someday you have a mental disorder?
if you have an overly active imagination??
If you were given one chance to rectify something in your past?
if you found somebody that you really cared for in your life?
if you just care a little bit for the world?
if you were betrayed by the one that you trust and love the most?
If you dreamed of something that is out of this world ?
if you feel like you don't want to live in this world but in your own?
if you shared your morning with strangers?
If all of this question were answered?

the last and final question...
if you have a quite morning, a peaceful one, thinking back to all the question that you wonder...
would you still want....... to think???

Saturday, September 10, 2011

hahahahahhahaha... any way... I'm just updating something that i think would be good for my memories....
my cousin Jun entered a singing comp in India, and he WON, 3rd place... hahaha
me??? well everything actually... hmmm got my assignment done, part of it... and learning some Wing chun basic.... and others...

the fact that The Title is as such is because... well u'll figure I think...
anyways... i feel kinda hungry lately... huh... maybe bcoz of the fact that Im getting bigger??? huh.... Anyways.. Um... i've develop a new hobby lately that is, streaming on Youtube.. My fav so far, would be David Choi Wong Fu Production KevJumba, Ryan Higa, Chester see, Victor Kim... Basically all those YTF team in you tube... anyway\s...
I feel really connected to them (like any others of their fans...) talk about asian... anyways.. I just feel that I need to support them... (hehehehe).. Yeah... anyways... my birthday is coming soon, n I hope to get a lot of present (like that ever gonna happened) i am really hopeful to get a plushies on my bday especially a Wong Fu productions of Toys... for dat I bid you chiao!!

Friday, September 2, 2011

when a guy gives u a doll, what do you say? of course thanks.
but deep down what do you feel?
I feel a miss.... something is not right here...

when a guy cares about you, what do you say? of course wow.
but deep down what do you feel?
I just got the answer, I feel happy. until I find out that he does that to all the girls. typical..

when a guy just wants to be friends with you, what do you say? of course okay.
but deep down what do you feel?
I feel sad... because he's the one that I like. n sorry until now I still dun get any answer...

when a guy looks at you and just ignores you, what do you say? of course jerk.
but deep down what do you feel?

these are the feeling that I get, sad, annoyed, weird, unworthy etc.... anyway... I know I'm not the 1 that hoping for anything... but I do share my feelings..
Anyway... I'm relieve...

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

It’s cold tonight. My hands and legs are numb, I can’t feel them. My stomach growling, having nothing to eat but leftovers in the trashcan. I had to fight dogs for food to survive, catching rats for dinner. Yeah...What a life.

I hate living like this. I just want to sleep, can barely keep my eyes open, I’m tired. Lying down helplessly like this, I hate it. I hate everything in my life. But what can I do? Maybe... If I just let it...I will finally leave this world.

A pair of black shining shoes came closer and stopped in front of me. I looked at the owner of theshoes, but my visions was all blur. I know he is rich, his tailored suit said it all. I guess he wants to end my life. I gladly accept it.

“You will do.”

That three words, it change my life completely. From a complete beggar, to a machine. I am now living a life full of lie, alive so that I can end others. This is my life, my life as a Chameleon.

My name? I have a lot of names and I have forgotten my original name. The name that my Father give me is Yu, which means moon in Chinese.

My Father, saved me from the brink of death. He took me in with three more children like me. He trained, educate and mould us into a Chameleon.

Chameleon, a perfect human. A perfect puppet that can adapt to almost everything in the world, that can play every role in society and knows how to blend in to have a perfect life. Perfect assassin.

Every day was gruelling, we had to fight to survive. He trained us to master every weapon known to man and taught us every language in the world. We had to learn everything in order to survive.

He taught us that compassion is weak, merciful is suicide and love is destruction. These three will only leads to us be killed.

My siblings and I were all obedient to him because if we don’t we would be sent to the Chair to be rectify. Living with him day by day, going through all the hardship was tough for an 8 year old child. Sometime, I wonder why am I alive.

I have three brothers, all whom I came to know very closely during our time spent together. My eldest brother, he was 12 when Father took him. Beaten for stealing to the point of near death because he was hungry.

He was the first one that Father took care of. Like me, he was given a new name and a new identity. He is Ri, Sun in Chinese.

My second brother, he was only 10 when Father found him running from the Mafia lord carrying a bag full of money. He was almost buried alive. Given a new name as Huo, fire in Chinese, he started a new life with Father and Ri.

Third brother, Sui. He is the quiet one, like his name, water. He was 9 years old. Calm and mysterious, that is him. He doesn’t talk much, but I know something horrible must have happened to him that made Father took him in.

We were trained by the best of the best in every aspect including manner. By the age of 12, I was already fluent with eight languages, master almost all the form of martial art and can dissemble and resemble a gun under a minute with blindfold.

We never knew what compassion felt like or love. All that we get from him are harsh words. Sometimes I wonder if he loves us at all.

Fortunately, I know someone who does. She was locked in the Dungeon. We were not allowed to go there. But sometimes we sneaked in just to hear her sing and tell us stories whenever Father treated us badly.

She taught us differently than Father. Taught us to love and not hate, to be understanding and listen. Slow to anger and think. It is so opposite to Father’s teaching.

We never actually saw her face, we just crowded the door and ask her to sing. She always know how to console my brothers and cheer them up.

We don’t know why she was locked in there, but Father always came down to see her. I tried asking her for the reason once, she said that Father locked her to protect her. But I know she’s lying, I can see it in her eyes.

I wished she could be free, walking outside. We tried talking about this to Father, only we ended up strapped to the Chair and electrocuted. He said never again to go to the Dungeon, never talk to her.

But we did not stop. She was the only reason that we still smiling when Father treats us badly. One day, the unfortunate happened. She was missing from her room.

We have tried to search for her in the compound, but she was nowhere to be found. We tried asking Father, he said that he had killed her. It was really a blow to us all, a heavy blow.

I cried nonstop. The one that loves me is dead. My brothers, they all that I have left. They promised me that they would not leave me alone.

All four of us mourn for the woman that we consider as a mother. I will remember her by heart, even though I don’t know her face. All of us will.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

MAGIC
Wizard...
Witch...
Fairies...
Trolls...
Adventures beyond imaginations, I have always wanted a life like that. But I would never thought I will get it! I mean, I just need another story. Something to get of my chest.

My life gets kind of boring, I just need something that I can tell.

Well now I am telling you!

I started of my day like the usual. School. Which means I have to endure 7 hours of hazardous bullies, ignorant teachers, bitching girls, annoying Jocks and stereotype society. A conducive environment for a student to learn, isn't it? Typical... Started the school with Social Studies class. 'yeah...' and later would be free period which in school term get-your-ass-back-in-class-and-do-your-homework. So much for freedom...

We were to have a trip today, to some place which is boring as hell. Well might as well enjoy my ' freedom' while it lasted. On the bus, were the Jocks and the Popular Girls sitting at the back of the bus. Figures... Nerds and Geeks sitting at one corner of the buss. The Emos were all sulking opposite the Nerds and Geeks. Me? I'm just normal enough to place myself without any groups. I'm a lone ranger. I took a pencil and my sketch book. My earphone and my iPad, blast the music in my ear. I know, I might be semi deaf by the time I'm 40, but who cares? carried by the music I sketched.

Suddenly, I was looking at myself drawing. I mean, literally! I see myself drawing in the bus! WTH?? I felt my body was pulled to another place, I was transported to another land. I mean ANOTHER land, not New York anymore! It like my soul was trapped in another dimension!! What did I eat?? I'm not dead. am I???

"Hey! What the hell is going on?!" I landed on my butt! I mean seriously!
"Milady! Milady Anna! It really is you!" A weird old man with a white robe came towards me with a staff that looked like Merlin's staff!!
"Back off!! Don't.Come.Any.Closer!!"
"But Milady, your highness is-" I cut him before could finish his sentence.
"I'm not some high lady or what ever!! so stop calling me Milady!Who are you?! And where the heck am i anyway?!"
"Milady, I'm the high priest, old Mage. Your're now in the land of Ornoch, where his highness Lord Zathest, your husband, rule with prosperity and justice. You don't remember?"
"Like hell!! I'm not married yet!! And I'm sure as hell don't know any Zathewys!!" I screamed.
"Lord Zathest, your ladyship." he corrected me in his most annoying tone!!
"Whatever!! I don't care!!"
"Perhaps your ladyship is tired and having some disorientation from the journey. Maids! come and serve our lady!" A few woman came out wearing a maids outfit, the one with the white aprons and long black skirts.
"I'm not going anywhere until I got my explanation!" I threw a fit and refuse to be taken away! I'll admit that I'm acting like a child! who wouldn't be in this situations??
I thought the ladies would not be able to control me, but i was wrong! seriously wrong!! they just lift me up and my body went numb! what do they eat?? steroids?? I was carried to a room, trying my best to struggle out from the gripped of the lady that carried me.

"Let me down!!" I was only put down after they reached at a room, very grand, would cost a fortune!! they placed me on the bed, my body is still numb from their gripped. They left me there, alone! I tried to stand but the numbness is still there.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Okay guys.... this has got nothing to do with 'I Just Want To Say..' this is just a side story that I've wrote during class... and a few little extra here and there...

The air was cold. Water droplets trickle from the leave. It was a calm morning, the birds stretches its wings and flies trough the field. The feel of the cold window slowly replaced by heat, the musical harmonies tunes from the bird chirping with the light snore from my elder sister. The first ray of the sun hits the trees, shines through my window. The heat from the ray warmed my skin from the previous cold of the night.

I decided to take a walk. Taking my coat with me, I ventured out to the barn. Soaking in the morning light, it was very peaceful. The sound of clucking chickens and mooing cows, life in the country side is just different than in the city.

This is my first day living with my aunt and uncle along with my sisters. It was the beginning of our summer holiday since our mum would be working and will have no time to spend with us during the holiday. Do not pity me, I actually liked it. I get to spent time alone with myself, painting and writing my stories. I find it rather exciting catching something in my paintings that no one else can see and imagining something, a fantasy, that only I know what is in my world.

"Good morning Jane. You're up early. I see your going somewhere." A middle aged woman with red copper hair and sparkling blue eyes greets her. She smiled showing her dimples on both of her cheeks, her freckles fade with age and she was holding a bucket of vegetable.

"Good morning Aunt Mabel. I was going to take a walk in the woods for a while, for sightseeing."

"Okay then, be back before breakfast. Be careful dear, don't lost your way home, the woods is pretty vast."

"I will Aunt Mabel. See you later."

I went in to the woods, amazed by the beauty it holds. The mystic of this woods does not fade with time, it is still intact after all this years. The last time I went here was when I was 7 years old. I still remember that this forest used to be my playground. I always played here with a boy whom I don't remember much. Very Victorian Era like, I love the woods.

I could almost imagine Pride and Prejudice took place here. If I were Jane Austen I would really love it if I would to be buried here. As I lay my head down to one of the tree, I started to dream of my stories, that would took place here, where my characters would be alive.

Then, I heard something. A music, a saxophone. Playing Kenny G's Song Bird, it matched with the whistling breeze of the woods. Without me knowing it, I followed the tunes. Trudging the rocky path, I walked toward one clearing in the woods. There a guy surrounded by birds, I know! Its impossible! No way birds would be near to him that close! Those cute and fluffy birds!

Amaze by the sight, I hid myself to spy on him. (Stalker much?) Anyway, as he was playing his saxophone, more birds were going near him. How many birds can this guy attract?

He stopped, in the middle. He then started to feed the birds. I want to be able to do that... I want to touch the birds, I guess the birds felt my scary aura and flew away from the guy. But some of the birds flew right to me and pecked me on the head!

"No! Shoo! Shoo!! Stop it!! Argh!!"

It was really scary and painful! I thought they were going to pecked my eyes out!! It always ended up like this, I love animals but they all hates me. Again... story of my life.

"Enough!" The guy said. The birds instantly stop pecking me and flew away. What magic does this guy used? how come he can control birds and I can't? Argh.... this is so unfair.

"Are you okay?" He asked. I looked at him and nodded.

"Few scratches but I'm okay." Yeah right. Like having my hair looked like a bird nest and my scratched up face would be consider as Okay. But I'm alive with all body parts still intact, that's something.

"Here, let me help you up." Wow... a gentleman, rather hard to find a guy like him nowadays, I thanked him for that.

"What are doing in this woods? So early too."

"I was taking a stroll. Heard you played the saxophone, went here without knowing that I might be attacked by birds." He laughed, which offended me.

"I don't find pecked by birds to be something funny." I scowled at him.

"I'm sorry, but it is not always something like this happened." He said. Forget him of being a Gentleman, he's an asshole.

"Well I'm sure you have had your morning humor today." I would not be ridiculed especially by a guy who just happened to play the saxophone.

"Well I do. It really did brightens up my day."

"I'm sure it does." I said sarcastically. I would not be the but of the joke for this guy. He is the most ridiculed, annoying, arrogant, most insensitive and very self indulgent guy I have encountered in my whole life!

I walked back to where I came from, stomping all the way with my scratched face. My fine morning turns out to be a real disaster, why can't I have a normal, peaceful day? Why can't I meet a normal guy when I'm on a vacation? STORY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

I was looking at him again today... I just don't get it, why would I be attracted to him?? I mean, it not like there are many other guys in the world right? yeah! I know! I should just venture out. But you see, I love photography and I love the scene in my college. Its to die for!! Well for someone who is a photography mania like me, it is to die for. Any way, I was in my room looking at the picture that I'd took a few days ago. I was going to paint the scene, I love to paint anyway...so why not!

The pictures that I'd taken were all a blur, well some of them did turn out to be good! I need a new lens for my DSLR lens... that's what I thought. Okay.... way out of topic... I was talking about him right? yeah well here goes..

See.. he was playing basketball like always.... and I was walking along the court. One plant seriously catch my attention, I took a picture of it, but my photography instinct took over. I started to shot at a different angle, and it was great and all. then suddenly "LOOK OUT!!" I was so not looking when something hit me at the back of my head. All I could think of is my camera.. my DSLR camera, my lens!! I was lying on the ground when someone ask me whether I'm okay..
They have got to be kidding me right?

"The heck!!!!! Hey!! Do I LOOK LIKE I"M OKAY???????" I was seriously irritated, they want to hit me? fine! But no one, I mean no one interfere when I'm shooting something!!!
They're going to have it! I turn around there he was... all my anger just *Poof* fade! just like that!! Argh!!! I hate myself when this happened!!

All I could do was staring at him, gawking and go all goo-goo eyes to him!!
"Are you okay?"
"Ermmm..... urh....."
" I guess you need to sit rest that head of yours for a while."
"ae..... err,,.... "
"Hey... are really okay?? I mean do you need me to take you to the nurse or something??"
My head just respond, its nodding!! Damn head!!

Okay... I think the best thing that happened to me was today... he helped me up and carried me to the nurse. Well... not in bridal style... but close enough for me to hear his heart beat.. I think I'm in heaven....

If I die right now I wouldn't mind it...... any way... it was a great thing I guess... but now I need a new camera.... story of my life....

My Gallery:

Ps: all from internet... my idea, no connection wat so ever to the dead or living... so dnt sue....

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Guys... I have heard something very beautiful today...
Okay, it all started.....

In the early morning, where people still haven't come yet. I was walking towards my class to set up my camera. I want to get a shot from the roof. The Dawn in Urban, its 1 of my prospect to catch a perfect view of the dawn in my college. I've taken a few of sunset and night's already, but haven't got the chance to wake up early in the morning.

So as I was setting up my tripod on the roof, I heard a beautiful melody that it rendered me numb and speechless. I felt like the melody whisked me from my world and into another world that is very bleak and dark. But as the music goes along it make my heart beats faster and faster. Like it want to get out from the bleak world and out to find the one who could give me the hope. Then.... It stops!

I felt really taken aback, the only thing that can make me feel like that is when I'm looking sat a picture that really is full of emotions. I got back to my camera, shooting away. The melody did wondrous thing to my view for my picture, I have taken a scene where it is very peaceful and full of energy that I'm surprise to see the pictures. I have to say, who ever is playing that piano is really talented!

So I started my day really unusual today. I hope tomorrow I could hear another one of that music! and I hope I could see more of my specimen...

My gallery:

P/S: Everything is just made up! the name, the story, everything!! It got nothing to do with anyone, the pictures are just taken from internet, and its my blog... so don't sue me!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

There was once a girl who love to take pictures and observe all things that moves. Some called her weird, but to her the others are weird. Anyway, one day she found a live specimen that could be used as a model for her work. So she started to observe her specimen. Taking pictures that could be used for her project, and made an observation.

By the way, The specimen is to be refer to as Vincent. She observe her specimen's life and activities. Also the cliques that he associates with.

It is very rare to find a specimen living in the her atmosphere where all would be average. This is like finding gold in the middle of the desert.

The specimen is said to be related to Mario Maurer,

The main attraction of this specimen is his eyes.

One look can melt the heart of many girls, behaviorism is likely to be accepted through out the college.

In the world of an observer, he or he are not supposed to be influenced by their subject. If they do, they need to remove themselves from the specimen in order to maintain clear justification towards their work.

Then why do I have this feeling?
Am I jealous of the girls around him??
Do I like my project?
More to the point... Do I like him??
Maybe yes, Maybe No... I don't know...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

BIRTHDATE: 10/10/1992 (last year was the greates date! 10/10/10 n I turned 18!!)

PRESENT ADDRESS: K.L

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, copy and paste this note, erase my answers and enter your own, tag people in the right hand corner of the app then click publish.)

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. last beverage = plain water!

2. last phone call = my mum

3. last text message = Thank u!

4. last song you listened = Warning Sign~ Coldplay

5. last time you cried = watching Pride and Prejudice

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. dated someone twice = hmmm..... ( maybe... :))

7. been cheated on = many times, but I soon forgot it... because I know I will never see them again

8. kissed someone & regretted = no

9. lost someone special = yes

10. been depressed = yes..wait.. no... err.... maybe??

11. been drunk and threw up = never!!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Sky blue

13. Forest Green

14. urm.... Aqua marine??

LAST YEAR (2010), HAVE YOU:

15. Made a new friend = Yes... Many!!

16. Fallen in love = yes!

17. Laughed until you cried = yeah, laughing away my misery

18. Met someone who changed you = yes...

19. Found out who your true friends were = nope... still finding...

20. Found out someone was talking about you =yes, but the hell with them...