Reasons I Sometimes Wish I Were a Mole-Rat Because Humans are Just Way Too Silly and Complicated (and Lovely, yes, Lovely, Lest I Forget)

The call on the phone to drop off a end-of-quarter paper "personally" to your apartment degrading into a request to "come over to 'celebrate' the end of the quarter together" and the subsequent hiding in your apartment with lights turned off and not answering the phone.

The writing of a poem with said individual's name in it knowing that you would be reading it and they would be there to notice. Also, the writing of a poem with fairly blatant allusions to an individual who would (hopefully) be there when you read it.

The being-mean-to-you-and-as-assholey-as-possible-so-as-to-deflect-any-possibility-of-you-catching-on-and-so-I-can-also-convince-myself-that-I'm-not-crushing move.

"Would it be wrong if we kissed?" Hee hee.

The hand-on-the-small-of-the-back goodbye with lingering eye contact, and then the subsequent return with an excuse of coming back to tell a bunch of you about something cool seen while in the process of "leaving."

"So, um, now that I'm not in your class anymore, I was thinking, um, that maybe we could hang out sometime or something? I mean, since you're not my, um, instructor anymore or anything."

The catch-on-to-the-subliminal-messagings-of-this-mix-goddamn-you move.

The encouraging squeeze on the knee falling just a tad bit too high up and lingering a bit longer than necessary.

The blatant request to be told if you're ever "not seeing" the person you're seeing with apologies for any potential sexual-harassment-related misunderstandings.

"I know who he has a crush on. Scroll down to the bottom to see..."

The pathetic sitting outside to "enjoy the weather" in the hopes of bumping into said individual. (Also, the pathetic and abundant trips to the bathroom--which made you look like you should be wearing Depends--in the hopes of bumping into said individual along the way.)