• Versailles Castle: The long-promised re-opening of what is possibly America’s most lavish castle is really, really close to happening, at least according to the Louisville Courier-Journal. It’s the Versailles Castle, as in Versailles (ver-SALES), Kentucky. “Even ‘the average everyday Joe’ will save up in order to afford the $1,000-a-night price tag.” We’re not so sure about that, not when the castles of survivalists and hippies are much more affordable.

• No Fork Ahead: In another blow to public stating-the-obvious statuary, the owner of a restaurant in a posh neighborhood of San Antonio, Texas, has been ordered to remove the giant fork that he had erected outside on a pedestal. A critic of the fork said, pointedly, “If you allow something like that, there’s nothing to prohibit a Shoney’s Big Boy.” Maybe the owner should move his eatery and cutlery to the more fork-friendly town of East Glacier Park, Montana, where the sculpture would complement the Large Purple Spoon.

• If Ever a Wiz There Was: At least some people in Wheatfield, New York, are starting to question the viability of group named “Oz Central,” which wants to build an $800 million Magical Lands of Oz theme park in the town. “I am really starting to believe that the naysayers were correct in saying this will never happen.” Upstate New York is also still missing its long-lost Lost World Museum, and even Santa’s Workshop once had difficulties in this region, so it can’t be the Oz idea that’s at fault.

• That Lee Allan Guy: Not one, but two statues of Lee Allan Smith have been unveiled in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. “The project began with just one statue, but due to the overwhelming response from those close to Lee Allan, we were able to create statues to be placed at two of his favorite locations in Oklahoma City….” You’re probably asking, “Lee Allan Who?” and wishing that you had friends who liked you as much. Two statues at once is impressive, but remember that fame can be a lot less enduring than a monument.