Friday, October 05, 2007

It's pretty obvious that athletes are the dumbest people on the planet...well, right behind NASCAR fans. When will athletes finally learn that they are not above the law? Or to wrap their HGH-filled dicks up before plowing through skanks? Or that their shelf-life as a professional athlete is so damn short, and that their ability to make an ass-ton of cash is so small that they need to do whatever they can to prolong their careers? Today, Broncos RB and "man-about-town" Travis Henry is back in the news. No, not for his 93 Octane sperm this time either.

ESPN's Len "Don Vito" Pasquarelli is reporting that Henry has failed another drug test and is facing a year suspension. Apparently, Travis has never been told the Ricky Williams saga. Let's check out the juicy details...

Henry is attempting to block the league from testing the so-called "B-sample" necessary to confirm the positive test, claiming that NFL officials would not allow his expert to be present for the testing of his specimen.

Second samples? Piss experts? NFL Officials? This sounds like a goddamn Oliver Stone movie. The conspiracy theories must be running rampant over at Camp Henry. I'm assuming that an "expert" would be a urologist but I think Piss Wrangler is a much better title.

Henry, 28, was suspended by the league for four games in 2005 because of a repeat violation of the substance abuse policy. The substance for which he tested positive on that occasion is not known. Under the league guidelines, another test within a two-year period would trigger a one-year suspension. Henry would then have to apply for reinstatement and his compliance with the treatment program prescribed for him would be reviewed.

Obviously, the program is working well. Travis truly was rehabilitated after his first bust. So much so that he decided to get high and jeopardize his livelihood again. That must be one helluva program!!! And PLEASE, release the drug that he was busted for. Pot isn't funny. Steroids aren't funny. You know what's hysterical...CRACK!!! Let's bring back the Omar Gooding character from Playmakers by having Henry be a crack addict. I would love to see Henry score a TD and vomit all over the ball in the endzone as a result from the "super-flu". Man, they need to bring Playmakers back. That show had it all.

Under the two-year policy, which essentially wipes a player's slate clean, Henry was scheduled to rotate out of the substance abuse program on Oct. 1. But his lawsuit to block further testing of his urine sample was filed Sept. 20, indicating that the positive test occurred before Oct. 1.

Pure genius. There's a reason why the South still disapproves of equality. Not being able to control yourself from taking anything illegal when your record gets wiped clean on 10/1 just proves his stupidity.

Aiello said the NFL is attempting to have the case moved to a federal court in Brooklyn, because the collective bargaining agreement and the interpretation of the accord between the league and the NFL Players Association is a matter for federal purview. The league filed those papers on Monday, he said.

Our federal courts are going to be reviewing a dirty piss test??? Fuck the war on terror, let's clog up the courts with urine and football. USA! USA! USA!

If Henry does not prevail, and is suspended, the loss would represent a significant setback for the Broncos, who have lost their last two games. The top backup to Henry, as listed on the Denver depth chart, is rookie Selvin Young of the University of Texas, an undrafted free agent who has logged 15 carries for 138 yards.

Ooooooooooooooh, how happy is this sexy blogger for picking Selvin Young off the waiver wire in one of my leagues on Monday!!! As the mediocre 90's band, Sponge, would say, I'm wax ecstatic.

If Henry is suspended, it might also prompt the Broncos to attempt to recover a portion of any bonus money paid him. As part of his contract, Henry reportedly was guaranteed about $12 million.

I hope they take it from him. There should be an "idiot clause" in all professional contracts. If you can't stay clean, you don't get shit. Fuck Travis Henry, what a moron.

That's it for today, boys and...well, no girls read this anyway. I'm working tomorrow so you know what that means, another post!!! And McDonald's breakfast!!!