PriceWaterHouse Coopers Changed their name to Monday (for reasons that escape me), but neglected to register the UK URL. Hilarity ensues. Well, ok, maybe not hilarity, but it made me laugh. A lot. (May not be entirely safe for work.)

Well, what do you know, there is a scientific reason for being cranky on Monday mornings (although it mostly seems to have something to do with staying up too late on the weekends..she thinks grimly, watching the clock turn to 1:37 in the AM). Stupid suprachiasmatic nuclei.

This Is How I Will Make All My Decisions From Now On

gyromancy - 1557, from M.L. gyromantia, from Gk. gyyros "circle" + manteia "divination, oracle." "A method of divination by walking in a circle till the person fell down from dizziness, the inference being drawn from the place in the circle at which he fell."

Well Hot Damn!

I've long been a fan of Bat Boy, and know that the WWN keeps its proverbial tongue in its equally proverbial cheek, but I never thought I'd see the day when political satire made it's way to its pages.

"In the paper today tales of war and of waste/But you turn right over to the T.V. page"*

You may have noticed that Sarcasmo’s Corner has been shying away from news-related topics lately (although Sarcasmo herself has been making some comments over at The Muted Drum) . This is not because I haven’t been watching the news —far from it. Indeed, Pop Culture Boy and I find ourselves glued to CNN ("Watching the War&quot, as well like to call it) more often than not these days; and in my social circles, ardent debates about recent episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel have changed to hushed, frustrated conversations about the way the world is slowly going mad around us, and how we’re essentially powerless to stop it.

So, when I think about the news, all I do is get angry. It makes me lose hope for humanity. It makes the disturbing conversation I recently had with some friends about a the need for a Sapientarchical Oligarchy (thanks to Pop Culture Boy for enhancing my vocabulary. He also recommended " Smartypantscracy", which I favor more, but sounds somewhat less impressive and wouldn’t work as well on a certificate,and trust me, we would want certificates. And business cards. And t-shirts. Definitely t-shirts.) seem like a good idea. (Basically, the conversation came to the startling and disturbing conclusion that the world should be ruled by a few, smart people (who thought as we did, of course), and not by the masses. Following the conversation to this conclusion shocked and dismayed most of us, as most of us consider our views liberal. On the other hand, we all saw They Saved Lisa’s Brain on The Simpsons, so we know it wouldn’t work anyway. )

I am vehemently against the idea of an elitist government that ignores the will of the populous; but when I read some of the following stories, I’m not so sure letting the populous have its way is always a good idea either.

In no particular order, here are the stories (other than the causes for the war; that’s a dead horse I’m tired of beating) that are irritating me today:

More Idiocy Against the French: I am so sick of this Americans-Against-The-French (and most of the rest of Western Europe) ideology that has sprung up as a result of the whole Iraqi crisis. (Hello, America: France (and the rest of the UN) are under no legal, moral, or idealogical obligation to agree with the USA or its policies. I find that most Americans who are anti-French also don’t think the US should heed international opinions. Anyone else notice the irony here?)

In the latest chapter of this ongoing Hatfields-vs.-McCoys-style-feud, I heard a rumor today that some of the ancillary phone lines were down because the French owned the parts of the phone lines and had sold them to Iraq.

You don’t know how much effort it takes for me not to weep openly for humanity somedays.

Now, as ridiculous as this sounds, I suppose it could be true. However, I think it is more likely that this particular rumor has its basis in the recent lobbying of California Congressman Darrel Isssa for an American made wireless network in post-war Iraq. It seems a key point of this argument is that if the Americans don’t do it, most of the work (and subsequent income) will go to French and German companies. Apparently, this is detrimental to the American way of life. Zut, alors!

SARs and Travel: This is more paranoia on my part than actual news, but its news-related and it’s giving me the screaming fantods, so I’m including it anyway.

Since talk of the war on Iraq began, I’ve been worrying aloud that I better get all my travel in quickly, because soon Americans weren’t going to be welcome anywhere anymore (or I’d have to use the Eddie Izzard suggestion of claiming to be Candian (you can find the quote just above the Church of England Fundamentals section)). Or, even worse, that the war on terror will be used as an excuse to close down US borders, and there’ll be no more travel, in or out (not likely, with international trade being such a large part of our economy, I know. I did say "paranoia" above).

Then along comes SARs, and the World Health Organization is talking about the possibility of international travel restrictions. Not that this isn’t a good idea, but part of my brain keeps whispering that if the restrictions are put in place, there is nothing guaranteeing they won’t be lifted. And it would certainly be easier to add more restrictions on (in the name of public welfare and safety, of course) once it was in place.

Sodomy in Texas:This story completely floors me. Can anyone, anyone explain to me why this is even a point for argument; why the law isn’t instantly removed from the books? Incidentally, I am looking for an argument that is intelligent and doesn’t include the words "morals", "religion", or "God", as I don't think they should have anything to do with this (or any other) legal issue.

Not only does this disturb me, it shakes me to my foundations. Why does the government feel that they have the right to legislate what goes on between two consenting adults in the privacy of their own homes? And furthermore, how can they specify that a particular act or acts are only illegal for a particular group?

Here’s the thing: I understand that homosexuality and/or the idea of same-sex sodomy disturbs some people, whatever their reasons. I say they are entitled to their opinion, and that if it disturbs them so much then they shouldn’t participate in it. But to make it illegal is …I’m speechless here. I truly am. I can usually see my way to the other sides argument in these cases; but all I see here is a big black hole of ignorance.

If you think this argument doesn’t apply to you, by the way, consider the fact that if they are passing (or allowing existing) legislation about the sexual behavior of mutually consenting adults, they can get their laws into your bedroom too.

Britain's Defense Ministry denied al-Sahaf's claim. "We have enough conventional weapons in theater but even if the going got tough we'd never make first use of weapons of mass destruction," a spokesman told CNN

I read this as: we’ve gone in and we’re going to keep fighting until they only way they can defend themselves is to use weapons of mass destruction (and then we can justify being there in the first place), and as soon as they do, we’ll use our weapons of mass destruction on them (why is it ok that we have them and they don’t again? Something not involving “Good” and “Evil” please). Wee-haw.

George Bush Goofs Off: I really wish I’d seen this footage (anyone know if it is available anywhere?). On the one hand, he was making a very serious announcement, and he may have merely being trying to blow of some steam and lighten the mood in the room. (Inappropriate humor is a time-honored practice of Sarcasmo’s when strong emotions are involved). On the other hand—if this author is right and Bush II really wasn’t taking the thing as seriously as it should have been—then…well…wow. We’re essentially all doomed while he and his croonies are in control. Thanks to Small.To for leading me to that link. I think.

Boycott Hollywood: I recognize the Constitutional right of these people to express their opinions about the government and its actions. If they choose to support Washington by not going to the films of individuals who speak out against the war, that is their prerogative. It is my fear that the Hollywood will start paying attention to them (as they hope) and start either censoring the entertainers in question, or simply stop employing them.

This bothers me on 2 levels. One, I am fearing the re-birth of the House Un-American Activities Committee. Secondly, I wonder if the people Boycotting Hollywood realize they are utilizing the same rights the entertainers they are condemning were using in speaking out in the first place...and that silencing them could eventually mean silencing themselves.

As you can see, my aggravation is great, my rancor real, and my bile is near to a boil. Hence, I’ve been focusing more on the sublimely silly here for a while. Even Sarcasmo needs a break from the bitter poison.

Browse through some (*cough*) stimulating IRC conversations and quotes. (Let's face it, not only is this amusing, it's much better than suffering through the hundreds of A/S/L requests to get to the funny stuff live.)

I Need Earplugs

Generally speaking, I am not a fan of remakes. I hate when Hollywood remakes a foreign film because they assume Americans won’t sit through sub-titles (side note: I am easily disgruntled by Americans who are too lazy or unwilling to sit through a film because it is not in English.) (Second side note: Eddie Izzard (sexiest comic ever) does a great bit about American re-makes, and although you really should watch Dressed to Kill to get the whole effect, you can read the transcript here. The relevant bit starts "I'm a film nut as well...", and can begins about half-way between the Heimlich Gesture and British Bad Guys portion of the transcript. Seriously, though, you should make every effort to see it.) I especially hate when Hollywood remakes classic films (or any film, really) and updates them for a new audience. Truly great films easily stand the test of time, and can be enjoyed by anyone with a modicum of imagination. Shot-by-shot remakes are an even worse crime; I mean, if
you're just remaking the same movie, why bother. (I am thinking in particular of the American Point of No Return, a sad, lifeless remake of Nikita, and especially of Gus Van Sant's horrific version of Psycho, for which Pop Culture Boy has still not forgiven me for dragging him to the theater to see. Can I blame him? Not really. Although I would argue that his taking me to see Battlefield Earth should at least repay some of that debt.)

However, even more than movie remakes, I detest song remakes. At least with film I can almost understand enhancing existing stories by using new technologies (not that they do that to often; I am speaking mostly theoretically), but music,in my opinion, is inherently timeless. While musical recordings may benefit from advances in technology, music itself does not. So why do artists continually re-record songs they love? Particularly so badly.

What spurred this decrying of musical covers? A gentleman in the office where I work listens to some insipid pop station at his desk, and although I can usually block out Faithfully by Air Supply and Cleaning Out My Closet by Eminem (both of which, incidentally, I enjoy on some level. Just not 19 times a day), all my attention became focused on his radio when I heard some thin-voiced woman covering Crowded
House'sDon't Dream It's Over. It made my heart hurt. It made me want to weep. Why is this woman doing this to this song?!?

I must admit to being a Crowded House fan, particularly of Neil Finn and his writing ability. I think he's just amazing; much of what he has writtenhasalwaysresonatedwithme. Don't Dream It's Over being no exception. But even the best songs fall flat if not performed well.

The rendition I suffered today was..disinterested and insincere; even whiny. It made everything that is great about that song fall evaporate into the void. Has Pop music sunk to such a level that songs with heart can no longer be performed with heart?

Do I really need to ask that question?

Yes, yes, I am aware that defaming popular music is just another sign of aging; and I can't deny that despite my mad monkey scientists working overtime in my secret underground lair, time is inevitably marching on. But I really believe I wouldn't mind popular music so much if they'd spend more time creating new music instead of caterwauling their way through music I love.

Sigh

Although, in fairness, I should admit that there are some exceptions to the cover rule. The two that spring to mind were both done by the Indigo Girls; I'm not sure if this is a credit to their musicianship, or an accusation about sometimes lapsing into the unoriginal). Their versions of Uncle John's Band and Romeo and Juliet far surpass the originals in my opinion. Oh--also, I really love Tori Amos' covers of the Rolling Stone's Angie, Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit and Prince's Purple Rain. Not better than the original in this case, but original renditions that she takes and makes her own. If you must do a cover, this is the way covers should be done.

Alright, enough rambling. He's since shut off the radio and I've run out of rant steam.

A Lovely Way to Start a Friday

Geez

It sure is difficult to find silly, fun things to post when the world is at war (well, technically, still almost at war).

Also, it sucks to have the cold-that-won't-die when there is some mysterious flu clone killing people the world over. (I don't have the flu clone, I don't even have a fever. My overactive imagination just doesn't need any help, is all.)

Clearly, I'm feeling cranky and whiny, so I'll stop talking now and give you a list of (at least mildly) amusing links for your war-ignoring pleasure:

Anguish Languish: Stresses the importance of using the right words when speaking. You'll do better here if you read the passages outloud. (This is how I imagine I sound to native French speakers when I try to speak French.)...via Mempool

Finally, Some Nice Weather

And where am I? At home with a runny nose & a dull stomach ache.

And to top things off, 2 more days of waiting on the war, and we're back up to Orange Alert.

I used to really love the Spring.

(Note: I'm currently in conversation about my feelings about the pending military action over at Muted Drum, so I won't bother reiterating here. If you care about my uneducated opinion, feel free to check it out, and join the fray (Muted Drum welcomes audience participation). If you don't, keep tuning in here for more silly links. I mean, let's face it, you don't come here for the politically commentary. You come for pop culture links, my sparkling wit, and insight about important things like Johnny Depp and Clown Porn.)

New Week, New Digs

Hello, True Believers. (*wink*). I know I've been neglecting you all lately, and I apologize. Pop Culture Boy and I seemed to have contracted some cold or another, so I've been too tired this past week to do much other than lie comatose on the sofa (not that this is much different than normal, but at least now I have a legitimate excuse). However, I have tired of this extra-sluglike existence so look for me to be back and as sarcastic as ever.

The observant among you may have noticed that Sarcasmo's Corner has moved house, so update your links and don't mind the kinks as the migration continues.

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, distractions to beat those Monday blues:

Don't Touch It: This picture made me giggle like a school girl. But beforewarned, there are several levels of geekness here. If you get it, consider your coolness ratio cut by half. - Forwarded to me by PCB

Beats the Heck Out of Jelly Beans: This year, let the Easter Bunny traumatize the young ones in your life with a creepy, morbid bunny (or bear or cow) from The Bunny of the Month Club. Best part--you can join the club for as many month as you like, so the creepiness can last all year long. - Found on Neil Gaiman's Journal

Games, Games, Games: I am considering making this the official Sarcasmo theme song. - by way of FunJunkie.

Get Your Freedom Fries On

By the way, if you aren't familiar with the "Freedom Fries" fiasco referenced (and I'm talking in the House of Representatives here, not independently owned restaurants), take a quick peek here. It's good to know that we've all resorted to kingergarten semantics tactics while human lives are at stake.

What Else is it Made From?

Pop Culture Boy and I were watching the idiot box the other day, and although we were talking over the commercials, we both stopped and commented simultaneously when a commercial for Papa John's Pizza claimed that, among their ingredients was "cheese made with 100% mozzarella ". (You can find the same claim made on their website.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but mozzarella is a type of cheese. If they are using it to make their cheese, then their cheese isn't cheese; it's some crazy cheese by-product.

Eeek!

I'll grant you, I'm terrible about keeping after my nails. I keep them cut short, I chew on them, and when I do leave them alone and let them grow long, they either get in the way (how are you supposed to type with those things?) or break, leaving me with jagged edges knives which invariably scratch my face when I sleep.

Perhaps it is because of my dubious relationship with own nails, that these wedding photos both impress and frighten me.

Oh, CBS

Apparently, CBS hired a voice actor to "act&quot as the translator during a recent interview with Dan Rather. The actor used a fake Arabic accent to repeat the translation of Suddam Hussein's part of the interview. (Apparently 3 translators did the actual translation for Steve Winfield (the voice actor) to read.)

Whereas this is not mis-reporting, it is somehow insulting. Not only does it smack of duplicity on the part of the network (what else are they faking?), but it also suggests that the American public is so distrustful of polyglots that a voice-over that used an American accent would somehow be less accurate than a voice-over using an Arabic accent.

I'm not saying that's not true, of course. I'm just saying it's disturbing.

Unfair!

I can't believe that Pop Culture Boy is here for the next few days, and I am not.

Before you get confused and think I am being mushy, I'm not so much upset that he's on the other side of the country. It's that he's getting to do this stuff (under the guise of work, no less!) and I am not!

MacHomer: I've rarely spent more delightful an hour. Sadly, MacHomer is finished in Philly, but is still touring. Here is the schedule. I definitely recommend you see it if it comes to your home town. It is clever, playful, and very funny (and Rick Miller isn't hard on the eyes, either).

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind: Caught this movie over the weekend with PCB. A really fun, energetic movie. Cheers to George Clooney on his directorial debut--you can really tell he loves making movies. The film segues seamlessly between a drama about making it in the television industry, a love story, a gritty film noir, a James Bond type adventure film, and a very campy spy movie take off. Also--does anyone know of the uncredited actor who sang Rain Drops Keep Fallin' on My Head in one of the Gong Show sequences was Marilyn Manson? PCB and I were pretty sure it was.

I understand these (*cough*) humanitarian warnings (*cough*) as a viable tactic during wartime, but last I checked, the U.S. Government hasn't officially declared war on Iraq. Are we then threatening the Iraqi people in a time of peace...bullying them with threats of violence and mayhem if they do not bend to our will; terrorizing them? As such, isn't the U.S. Government acting as a terrorist organization?

As the leading proponents of the War on Terrorism, isn't it our duty to lock ourselves away where we can no longer terrorize people of other nations?

As a side note, I had this conversation with Pop Culture Boy, and when I asked him whether dropping threatening leaflets over the people of Iraq was an act of terrorism, he told me what we were in fact guilty of is "littering", which is somewhat a lesser offense. Shows what I know about politics.