If Anyone Else Said What Michelle Obama Just Did They Would Probably Earn A Visit From CPS

Even as she continues trying to dictate what every other child in America is allowed to eat, first lady Michelle Obama recently conceded that she wasn’t able to adequately feed her two daughters prior to the posh lifestyle she currently enjoys. In a recent interview, she recalled the trouble she had caring for Sasha and Malia before her husband became president.

“Before coming to the White House,” she said, “I struggled as a working parent with a traveling, busy husband, to figure out how to feed my kids healthy; and I didn’t get it right.”

She explained that her kids’ doctor had to scold her for “things that were going wrong” with her parenting style.

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Obama took the position that she must serve as the arbiter of childhood nutrition because other parents just aren’t as smart as she is.

“I thought to myself, if a Princeton and Harvard educated professional woman doesn’t know how to adequately feed her kids, then what are other parents going through who don’t have access to the information I have?”

The best way to impose her will on the nation as a whole, she explained, is through public school mandates.

“It’s so important for our schools to make the hard calls for our kids,” she asserted, “because parents are struggling enough at home.”

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She suggested there is an “epidemic of childhood obesity” in America because schools have yet to enthusiastically embrace her regulations. While dismissing accusations that compliance with her mandates are cost-prohibitive in many districts, Obama made her own assertions regarding the ostensible benefits of such guidelines.

“Schools have seen their test scores rise and attendance rates improve and disciplinary issues go away,” she insisted.

Of course, plenty of kids are willing to go public with their disapproval of the new guidelines, revealing that cafeterias are now serving meager and unappetizing meals.

In the end, though, Obama shows no signs of backing away from the increasingly unpopular mandates.

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“The first step is not to roll back the standards,” she said, “but to help the schools that are struggling do a better job at making the meals more enjoyable for the kids. Good health and flavor go hand in hand.”