Oh and I got a bit kinky over at Erika Lust's blog, where you can find modern feminine porn! Hence the new warning page when you enter blackbikini just letting you know that there is easy access to pink bits if you click on the wrong (or right) link!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

When one of the Mo’ mums at my kids school asked me what we were going to do on the weekend I told her that we were going to the Rally for Equal Marriage Rights. There was some stunned silence before she managed to exclaim something about me fighting for the ‘other side’.We talked about it for a little while. She is very happy to openly discuss things, which is great because although we disagree on a lot of issues I don’t feel like I have to hold anything back when I talk to her.

I am not much of an expert on the plight of the LGBT community so I thought I’d just write down some of the things she said and then leave it up to more my savvy commenters to reply. I’ll add my thoughts too.

The first thing she asked was if I knew that if the LGBT community was given equal marriage rights then ‘it’ would have to be taught in schools, to kids as young as 5?

My thoughts – I just watched an episode of Glee the other night where being gay was spoken about very openly in and out of class. I know it is just TV and they didn’t mention marriage but I get the feeling that the world is pretty well prepared for their kids to talk about LGBT rights etc at school. Also, if people are born with their own sexual orientation then wouldn’t it be imperative that they hear about the legitimacy of their feelings at school?!

Then she said that if same-sex couples were allowed to marry then paedophilia and bestiality would soon follow as accepted ‘lifestyle choices’.

Ugh! – So (some) opponents of same-sex marriage actually look at the love and devotion clearly displayed by consenting adults in a same-sex relationship as being ‘in the same boat as’ or 'close enough to' criminal behaviour.

My friend said, "soon religious people will lose all of their rights". I asked her what she was talking about. She said that she "wouldn’t be allowed to say that being gay is wrong."

Hmmm. I’m pretty sure freedom of speech won’t be taken away, but you might want to be careful where you say it, more for your own safety than anything. Believe what you want to believe, just stay out of other peoples' bedrooms and marriages!

One other thing she said was that it wasn’t right for 3% of the population to dictate to 97% of the population.

Well what ever happened to fighting for the little guy, the minorities? I also think that the 3% statistic is fairly useless since I wonder how many LGBT are openly gay? My spider senses tell me that the real figure is much higher…

Friday, March 18, 2011

My numbers on fb tend to fluctuate quite a lot. As a vocal ex-Mo I am getting somewhat used to seeing the numbers slip down but damn it! I am trying to get more friends than Rockstar and this 'up 2, down 1' business is making it really hard!

Don't get me wrong, I loooove all of my new non-Mo friends... Loooove them! but there is a little pang in my heart every time a friend decides they've had enough and removes me from their list. Especially when they keep Rockstar on the list bcos then I'll never beat him! hehe. No, seriously all I can think is that they must be keeping him there a.) because he doesn't post that much god-bashing info, or b.) because they think he just left (church) because I pussy-whipped him into it, or c.) because they like him better.

I could understand it if I had actually been horrible to these 'friends'. It really sucks knowing that you've been un-friended because the person doesn't like what you are writing online (ever heard of 'hiding' a persons posts?!). It makes me so terribly proud of my Mo' friends who stick by me no matter what I say about their stinkin' religion. I love them and have never said otherwise about a single Mo' friend, ever! Thanks for seeing ME guys, thanks for seeing past my hurt and giving me the space to grieve and heal.

"Get over it" I hear you say, "they were never real friends" you add. Yes, I agree with you. I just happen to have a nice lil' public blog-hole where I can rant about whatever I feel like and today I feel like saying to all of the people who have un-friended me bcos of my blog-hole......hey! - "If you don't like my fire, Then don't come around Cause I'm gonna burn one down!"

Now I have a confession to make (ooh, that reminds me I just have to go and friend request someone - excuse me, yep done! - that I un-friended ages ago when I was getting all jealous of the girls that Rockstar was friending from his past "Is that an old girlfriend? ...Is that? ...What about that one?" and then I got all self-righteous and un-friended boys from my past, anyone Rockstar didn't know, just to show him how god-damned special I was! what a joke! I have a post to write about control and letting go of it! post-Mormonism).

Er, long tangent. Anyway, confession? yes, right then. Well, there was another time when I went for a mass un-friend-icide and it happened pretty soon after I received some hate mail from some Mo's. Some of this mail was sent anonymously but through a friend I discovered who had written it and they (the writer) were (was?) one of my fb friends!... So I went on the offensive and un-friended all of my Mo' friends that I had not seen or spoken to within a few months. Happy Day(z) when I started getting messages from said Mo' friends asking me what was going on and sending me friend requests J

So, to all of the Mo's out there who think I un-friended them but can't really remember whether we ever were actually fb friends or not, there's a pretty good chance that we were and that I was a douche and un-friended you. Hey, if you feel like helping me beat that numskull, Rockstar, in the friends department and you think I'm a bit of alright then please by all means friend request me eh?!

Hey, this has been fun! Practicing my writing skillz (hey, I heard that laugh!), therapising myself in the mean-time...loverly!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Facebook is like crack to some people - and by some people I mean ME. I have tried to wean myself off it, set time-limits, go cold-turkey but all in vain. At this point I have decided to embrace my addiction and put it to good use. There are so many interesting articles and discussions about sexuality, drug use, mental health etc that I am quite sure I can write it all off as research for my interest in health promotion (more on this at a later date).

Meanwhile fb also provides some interesting insights into how people think and feel. A recent thread on a friends wall explored the topic of pornography. It started out as a discussion about pornographic images on t-shirts and the implications of that for young children. It soon turned into a debate over the perceived perils and/or pros of porn. Veeeery interesting reading. I have copied and pasted the 80 comments (minus names) into a document w/ I will edit further for names in the comments and then add a link here. The thread started on 01 March 2011 and the last comment (so far) was made on the 10th March 2011. What I want to talk about are some of the phrases that stick out to me as common things that Mormons seem to say when they feel attacked. Having read quite a number of ex-Mo friends fb threads I'd say that there seems to be some common themes.

One that really sticks out to me are the statements of 'being done with the conversation'. This sentiment seems to be expressed quite regularly by active Mormons (sometimes more than once by the same person). The ex-Mo's and non-Mo's seem to feel no need to announce their departure.

APC3 - "Anyway people im pretty busy today, so im out. im hanging around my computer... and i really have too many other things to get done. im sure we're not going to sort out this discussion anytime soon, and i already know how i feel and how everyone else feels. Please don't see my leaving the discussion as my opinion having no credability, or back up, but i dont want my day to be filled with conversations or pornography. I hope you all have a nice weekend. :) enjoy"

APC4 - "Anyway clearly there is a massive difference of opinion here so I'm out now, this is getting too personal. I'll agree to disagree and leave it at that."

APC4 - "I agree _______ - this discussion has gone around in a circle so this will be my last post.......(rest of TBM4 comment here).......Anyway that's all from me."

APC5 - "that is all :-)"

Why the need to announce your departure from a conversation? The other commenters (non-Mo's and ex-Mo's) simply took breaks when life got busy and returned to the conversation when they had time for it. Why all the drama? It makes the commenter sound pretty full of themselves IMO.

______________

The next thing I noticed was a lovely term - 'you people' began to be used as a shorthand for referring to the pro-porn brigade. It was used several times before being questioned by 2 of these 'you people'. The question was ignored until brought up for a third time - "My earlier question - "you people" - what was that about? What kind of person am I?"

The response(s) -

APC4 - "As for the 'you people' comment, I was merely commenting to a group of people - same as if you would use 'hey guys' as a greeting to a group of people. I didn't mean it as an offense."

APC6 - "Yeah that's what I meant by "you people" too I just couldn't be bothered saying all the pro porn peoples names."

______________

The final thing that I want to point out are the Hi-5's. This time both the pro-porn and anti-porn brigades engaged in this hand slapping but I think you may also note the differences...

"I've just read all the above comments and, like _______, _______ I support your opinion 100%."

"Yeaaaah ______ Dawg! Represent! Haha"

"Good comment _______ Dawg!"

"I'd just like to congratulate ________ and the Mum quoted in the above article for the courage and determination they have in striving to make this world a better place."

Pro-Porn Hi-5's(all from pro-porn commenters to pro-porn commenters)

"_________, you write eloquently and with great humanity.

"I'm with _______ and her comments on this one."

Look, having been in that environment myself I know where the (religious) anti-porn party is coming from. It hurts to discuss these things. The mental gymnastics that must be done in order to continue to believe are just HUGE. I personally have a lot of time for the friend who posted the link that sparked the debate. She has had many long and intense discussions with me and I think that she tries really hard to hear everyones view. The other commenters are a little newer to the confrontation and I certainly don't want to throw them under the bus for responding in perfectly natural ways to a discussion that gets to the very core of who they are. I just wanted to analyse the discussion a little and hopefully highlight some of the cultural barriers?? between people who have a set of religious beliefs to up-hold and those who don't.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Soon after launching this blog (Jan 2010) I was sent a letter (in Feb) wherein the local church leaders postulated that I had been found to be in apostasy. (I so wish I kept this letter now!)

[ooh I just found an old post of mine where I had copied a couple of paragraphs from the letter -

"The Bishopric is considering formal disciplinary action in your behalf, including the possibility of disfellowshipment or excommunication, because you are reported to have been in apostacy.

You are invited to attend this disciplinary council to give your response and, if you wish, to provide witnesses and other evidence in your behalf. "].

...I threw it out in disgust. Instead of attending the 'council of love' where my sinfulness and apostasizing ways would have been talked about at length in a room full of men in suits (no women present! just little old me representing for women) .. instead of subjecting myself to their 'love' I decided (after some advice from a friend) to write my exit letter.

I sent it by registered mail and received confirmation from Australia Post that the letter had been received by my bishop. I never received a response. Rockstar (DH), who had received the same letter as me about being an apostate, did receive a new letter informing him that his meeting with the leaders had been cancelled. I gather from all of this that the leaders knew that Rockstar had not written anything on the blog and thus they had nothing on him. I think they had only been calling him in because they view men as responsible for their (ownership implied here!) females behaviour!!! I think they were calling him in to assist in putting me back in 'my place'.

I waited for quite a few months; carrying on with my blog, negotiating relationships, trying to move on. Eventually I realised that the leaders had no intention of responding to my letter. I re-wrote it. Added some things, removed some things. I added a cover letter basically saying "Hey guys, I've already sent this once before but here it is again, please let me go!!!"

More months went by. Still no response.

Now it's just plain silly. I want out! why won't they respect my wishes? hell, they won't even communicate with me about it.

Today I came across this site. OK, so now I just need to send the letter to -

Member Records, LDS Church
50 E North Temple, Room 1372
Salt Lake City, UT 84150-5310
United States...and hopefully they'll get the ball rolling. Plus, I just saw this paragraph on the same site -"If you've said in your letter that it is your formal resignation from the church and that it is effective immediately, you become a non-member the minute they receive your letter. All the rest (seeTHE PROCESS) is just them jumping through their own hoops."Aaaaaaah, phew! I am no longer a Mormon. As of February 2010 when I first sent my letter via registered post I wrote my own future, yay for that! If those men in suits need some hoop jumping practice then I guess they can knock themselves out, I know how stuffy it can get in that place, a bit of exercise will do them good :PWill keep you updated on the response from Salt Lake City!