Saturday, March 20, 2010

After years of observing my own behavior, I noticed a recurring pattern that I exhibited towards myself and towards others: treating myself and others as both worthless and special. Myself as worthless and others as special, myself as worthless one minute, myself as special the next. Always bouncing between the two. It took over a year for me to realize this was the result of an emotional trauma I was not aware existed. I had been consciously aware I was adopted, but did not realize the tremendous impact it had on me.

1. Treating someone as worthless to make yourself feel special. This feeds the ego to compensate for feelings of inadequacy.

2. Treating someone as special results in feeling worthless. This is usually an emotional repetition of the initial trauma.

3. Treating yourself as special and punishing yourself later.

4. Treating yourself as worthless and rewarding yourself later.

Examples of 3 & 4:
- extravagant shopping trip with a car accident on the way home
- eating junk food and fasting the next day

Worthless/Special is an endless oscillation that can be consciously prevented once the pattern is recognized. The pattern repeats the trauma and prevents recovery. Once stopped, your brain will begin to heal. It's that simple.

What has the Communication of your Performance (or Actions) over Time been? What could it be with conscious intention?

2. Ending the behavioral pattern oscillating between Worthless / Special

3. Resolving Guilt through admission of such. Admission of guilt usually provokes anxiety.

Regardless of the source of the emotional trauma (rape, adoption, molestation, etc.), all trauma victims exhibit behavior that oscillates between feelings of Worthless / Special. See below for more about this.

Emotional trauma results in physical brain trauma. The physical trauma prevents feeling the full spectrum of emotions that are available to those more emotionally congruent.

EDIT 11/2/2013: The above equation is good, but forgets the Trust aspect of (Trust + Performance) * Communication. It assumes you can trust someone who is not deliberately tricking you. Psychopaths exist, so the form above is naive if you are looking to a theory of the universe it will lead to a dominating dictator. Assuming you have safe environment and are not blindly listening to an authority figure dictate your life, the formula does work however. (I grew up around Hannibal Lecter psychiatrists, so should have written this disclaimer earlier.) The formula IS good, if you assume God or Trust in something other than a human being actively tricking you.

Kierkegaard realized Guilt and Anxiety are opposites and there are many different forms of guilt and anxiety (anticipated guilt, anticipated anxiety, action-based guilt, learned anxiety). For those actions you are responsible for, guilt can frequently be resolved by provoking the associated opposite anxiety.

For example, if you cheated on your wife, guilt can only be resolved by going through the anxiety of admitting it to her.

Unless resolved in a reasonable time, guilt may create permanent karmic limitations.

What has the Communication of your Performance (or Actions) over Time been?

Communication * Performance___________________________Time

That formula describes human existence. It can represent your current karma. Time is linear and forward only. With the realization that every moment is a conscious decision that results in conscious action, the formula can also define intention. What would you like that formula to resolve to?

Traumology replaces psychiatry and renders it obsolete. No psycho-analysis necessary. No drugs.

Refuse to treat others as worthless to make yourself feel special.
Refuse to treat others as special because it will make you feel worthless.
Refuse to treat yourself as worthless to make up for feelings of special.
Refuse to treat yourself as special to later self-enforce feelings of worthless.

Following those 4 guidelines will place you on a path of balance. This allows your brain to heal trauma.

Psychiatrists go into psychiatry to resolve their own issues. Rarely do they resolve them and frequently they use the practice to make themselves feel better while treating their patients as worthless.

Profitable Psychiatry is usually focused on either psycho-analysis or symptom treatment (eg. SSRIs).

SSRIs are useful in emergency situations to give the patient temporary relief from their trauma. This allows the patient to see themselves as they could be. If they keep a journal describing their emotions for a few months, and then quit the SSRI (Paxil, Prozac, etc.), they will have a before and after for comparison. Contrary to standard psychiatric guidelines, SSRIs should be quit suddenly. As the SSRI leaves the patient's brain over a few weeks, the patient might experience feelings of electrical shock in the brain. These are not painful, but are a bit disconcerting if misunderstood. Those zaps or shocks are simply brain synapses re-activating. Those synapses are learned behavior that was temporarily alleviated or routed around during the time under the influence of the SSRI. Behavioral patterns associated with those synapses will return, however the patient will have formed new synapses while under SSRI influence. Those new synapses can be consciously re-enforced as the patient reminds themselves of the emotions and experiences during treatment. As said before, SSRIs should ONLY be used in emergency conditions where the patient does not have hope for resolution to their trauma.

The best solution to resolving emotional trauma is to consciously recognize one's own behavioral pattern that oscillates between feelings of worthless and special. Don't treat others as either as the opposite will be returned. Similarly, don't treat yourself as either as the opposite will be self-inflicted at a later time. You are not special or worthless and neither are others.

The theory behind Freud's psychoanalysis is sound. Ego, Superego, and Id. However, Freud never resolved his own trauma and over-sexualized all aspects of his theory. Interestingly, the trinity of his theory is expressed in the external memes of most major religions. Eg. the holy trinity and Hindu's Brahman, Vishnu, and Shiva. That is another topic for discussion that I call: The Pythogorean Law of religion and psychology.

With conscious realization of a person's worthless/special behavioral pattern, no psycho-analysis is necessary. Simply recognize the behavior, avoid it, and the brain will heal over time.

Traumology is the study and resolution of trauma. Both physical and brain trauma is included, however my focus is the resolution of brain/mind trauma.

All people who have been traumatized exhibit a specific behavioral pattern: an oscillation between feelings of worthlessness and special. Adoptees, rape victims, or emotional abusees all repeat that behavior.

Ask yourself:Why do you treat others as worthless just to make yourself feel special? To bolster your ego and feel better about yourself, trauma victims exhibit this behavior to get them through their day.

Who do you treat as special that makes yourself feel worthless? That could be father or authority or mother.

People, especially women, frequently oscillate between worthless and special in their own lives. Treating themselves to shopping trips and having a car accident on the way home. Many women service men sexually in the hope the man will say no, lift them up and make them whole again. Emotionally, they are waiting for their father to say no.

How many no's equals yes?How many yes's equals no?How many times must a woman service a man before he realizes he's not gay?How many times must a woman service a man before he feels better?

A woman says "no" repeatedly to avoid responsibilty for their behavior.A woman says "yes" repeatedly in the hope he will say no, thereby finding a source of trust.

IMO, many women are locked down emotionally and intellectually due to sexual trauma during childhood. They spend the rest of their lives treating others as special while making themselves feel worthless. They treat others (frequently stronger people) as worthless to make themselves feel special and get themselves through their day.

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About Me

20+ years of IT and executive experience including VP
of a software company, performed as a lead architect at Law.com and most
recently at Morgan Stanley. I've managed ad valorem taxes for Bank One's REO department, originated
mortgage loans for sale to Wall Street, and traded professionally while holding SEC Series 7, 63, 55 licenses. I have a degree in Accounting from UT Austin.