Rambo

The trailer for the new Rambo is here and I am all in on this. People thought Rambo 4 was gonna be trash because of how old he was and everything, and it turned out to maybe be the best movie in the franchise. Seriously, if you haven’y seen the fourth one, it’s just as good if not better than the other 3. Dude was killing pirate rapists, Burmese rapists, rapist rapists and anyone else who got in his path in the movie, with some of the coolest kills of the entire series. Heads were rolling at like a 5 head per minute count.

That’s why I have no doubt this one is going to be just as good. Most of the time when you see them propping up heroes for nostalgia purposes, the end result is a poor rehash of yesteryear that damages the overall memory of the character. See: Jones, Indiana.

Or even worse, Bruce Willis in Die Hard where John Mclane has suddenly become an immortal superhero.

Except that’s the difference with Rambo. This is Stallones (2nd) baby, after Rocky. And much like Rocky, he takes care of Rambo and actually puts effort into ensuring his legacy. (Minus that time in the 90’s, AKA Rocky 5). You won’t see Rambo suddenly learning how to drive cars through helicopters or whatever the hell happened in the newer Die Hards, and even if you did, it perfectly aligns with the character from the first 3. This is a guy who made people explode simply by shooting an arrow.

The realm of reality went out the window with Rambo starting with the second one. Whereas the first told a story about a Vietnam vet coming home to see how poorly the country he fought for treated him, and kept a minimal death count, the rest of them just were mindless hours of explosions, guns, Asians, showing off Stallones physique, and gruesome deaths in all sorts of varieties. That’s why no matter what happens in this new one, it will be up to par for the course of violence Rambo set years ago.

And this movie looks like it’s going to be another couple hours of learning addition through body counts, and I am totally fine with that. Honestly a good story was only necessary in the original First Blood, ever since that one, it’s taken a back seat to the endless violence and explosions. It could be a prequel to the original just showing Rambo (played by Stallone, with absolutely no de-aging effects) running around Vietnam killing hundreds of nameless Charlies in a slew of different, thoughtless, incredibly insane ways and I would watch it on repeat without caring that they didn’t even think to make him seem younger. Having this one done here with some semblance of a story taking place in modern times doesn’t effect how awesome any Rambo movie will be. Just as long as we get a plethora of violent deaths.

The only issue I have with this is Stallone ditching the long hair we’ve come to associate with Rambo. Sure the mullet like moptop he was rocking in the 80’s has been out of style since the 2nd Rambo, but he had it in the last one and it’s been a welcome characteristic of John J. Rambo ever since his inception.

Having the high and tight, well coiffed hair he does here just makes it feel like it could double as the 4th Expendables movie, or just another action-packed, explosion heavy Stallone film. For now, it takes some of the sense that we’re about to watch Rambo annihilate half the Mexican cartel away, though I’m sure once the first dudes head is chopped off or intestines are ripped from his body, we’ll have no doubts it John J. Rambo about to do what he does best.

Also, I’ve fully prepared myself for the fact that Rambo is going to die in this movie. I have to. I did it for the last two Creed movies as well, mentally preparing myself for Rockys final scene so I wouldn’t have a Marley and Me moment in the movie theater where I can’t leave until everyone else has so they don’t see the puffy red-eye face of a man unable to control his tears. That proved to be unnecessary, though I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still managed to shed a tear or a thousand during the first Creed. Hopefully it won’t be necessary here either, but if it does happen, I have no doubt it will be in a way that 100% is a fair send off for a man who has a body count in the thousands and a body fat percentage in the single digits.

3 thoughts on “Rambo”

As old as he is, he’s still in better shape than about 95% of the people younger than him. Gotta figure Rambo spends his days working out, carving knives, and eating food he killed himself, time is taking a while to catch up to him