A candlelight vigil highlighted the complexities surrounding domestic violence, its prevalence in Utah and one woman's story who has experienced more than her fair share of violence.

Wednesday's vigil, organized by the Washington County Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, was an uplifting, reflective ceremony held in honor of those who have lost their lives to domestic violence as well as those who have survived it.

The coalition highlighted efforts from local city leadership, many of which declared October Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The vigil was accompanied by John Houston's Gospel Choir, who sang several numbers during the event.

Lindsey Boyer, executive director of the DOVE Center, cited statistics while explaining how domestic violence is a very misunderstood, complicated issue.

"It makes it very hard to understand and detect," Boyer said. "That's probably the No. 1 challenge and barrier we experience."

Boyer said Utah has consistently high rates of domestic violence and sexual assault year after year, with 1 in 3 women being a victim in their lifetime.

According to Boyer, 22 domestic homicides were reported in Utah in 2016. It doubled the following year. Boyer said the rate has "dropped significantly" this year, with 18 being reported as of August. She emphasized that although the rate seemed to be dropping, there are still too many lives lost, especially when it can be prevented.

Domestic violence thrives on power and control, Boyer said, and because it breeds in silence, it's difficult to detect. Additionally, Boyer said domestic violence doesn't care who you are: it transcends social status, wealth, ethnicity, and more.

"No demographic is immune," Boyer said.

Boyer also explained domestic violence isn't always physical. While most people envision a black eye or bruises, it can also be emotional, financial, sexual or religious control.

The 'mask of concealment'

In a recent article from the DOVE Center, Boyer explained how the "mask on concealment" process works for a victim of domestic violence.

A mask of concealment is the process someone goes through as they mask the violence and create a protective shied in which he or she can hide the abuse from their family, friends, neighbors and law enforcement.

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Members of the community gather for the Shine a Light on Domestic Violence candlelight vigil at DSU Oct. 10, 2018.(Photo: Chris Caldwell / The Spectrum & Daily News)

Who would think someone who is experiencing abuse would remain in that relationship? Boyer explained the assumption that someone would simply leave after experiencing domestic violence is not only flawed, it can be dangerous and even deadly.

While each situation is different, Boyer said culture and status influence one's desire to maintain appearances. Some who experience domestic violence perceive concealment is the safest response to abuse, Boyerr said.

"These stigmas and flawed assumptions are dangerous, leaving families at greater risk where the lines of abuse can become incredibly blurry," Boyer said.

'A roller coaster ride, walking on eggshells'

Debbie Heisler, a Santa Clara resident, spoke to the audience about her very personal experiences with domestic violence, which has impacted her family in profound and devastating ways.

Most recently, her son, David Heisler, was abducted from his home and taken to the Arizona Strip desert before he was found dead more than seven weeks later in 2016.

Heisler also — for the first time publicly — spoke of abuse she endured during her first marriage through a poem.

It was two weeks after he had gained full custody of his daughter when his girlfriend and mother of their daughter kidnapped him, assaulted him and left him in the desert. The Heisler's searched for their son for more than seven weeks, and his body was found in mid-August of 2016.

"It was quite a revelation for me that I had survived so much in my life, yet he had not," Heisler said. "I can't tell you how we got through that time, it's really kind of a blur for me."

Kelley Marie Perry, who was charged with his kidnapping and murder, is still being tried in court for the crime. Two of her accomplices — Francis "Frank" Lee McCard and Tammy Renee Freeman — have been convicted and are currently serving their sentences.

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Members of the community gather for the Shine a Light on Domestic Violence candlelight vigil at DSU Oct. 10, 2018.(Photo: Chris Caldwell / The Spectrum & Daily News)

Heisler said she met her husband when her step-son was 5 years old, and she became "an instant mom." She raised him like her own, she said, and while their lives had ups and downs, Heisler said she had an "awesome family."

"My son was a great friend to so many," Heisler said. "I just didn't know how amazing he was until he was gone. He did so much, and he had so much love for his daughter. It transcends all space and time now. She feels him everyday, and so do we."

Specifically, Heisler credits her son's "presence" as a major part in her efforts to founding the Blue Butterfly House, which provides supervised visitation in a safe, controlled environment for families.

"He's been my guiding light to be part of something so wonderful," Heisler said.

Boyer said, while the statistics are grim and domestic violence isn't ever easy to talk about, awareness and focusing on the positive is important in creating change.

"Your courage to speak up could be life saving, and at the very least could send the message and violence and abuse are never OK," Boyer said.

Follow reporter Emily Havens on Twitter, @EmilyJHavens, and find her on Facebook at facebook.com/emilyjhavens. Call her at 435-674-6214 or email her at ehavens@thespectrum.com.