Whether you’re still answering work-related emails at 10 P.M. each night or, like 29-year-old Sharice, you turned down a job opportunity because it “required too much travel” for your bustling social schedule, finding work-life balance can be difficult—especially when you want to move up the corporate ladder. “I think the hardest thing as a woman is we all juggle so much mentally with so many 'tabs open' all the time,” explains Kayleigh, 27. “How can I move forward when I am already drowning?” For some women, like 31-year-old Danielle, their open tabs include a “need to focus my energy on my children.” For others, romantic—and platonic—relationships take precedence over late nights spent at the office. “My fiancé won’t like that I’m dedicating more time to living out my dream,” explains Hope, 27. “Plus, I get crap from my friends when I put more energy toward work.” But career experts agree you can have both a life and a thriving career—with a little bit of work, of course. “Balance is different for everyone,” explains Karen Elizaga, executive coach and author of Find Your Sweet Spot: A Guide to Personal and Professional Excellence. “So the key question to ask yourself is, ‘What read more

Breaking up, as the song goes, is hard to do. But what makes it even more difficult is if you and your former flame share an address—and several more months on a legally binding lease. When you live together, what's the best way to make a break? We let a few readers who've been there, done that, and survived share some tips. "It's best if you give each other time alone to gather your things, which will help avoid petty, 'Hey, that's my saucepan!' arguments that tend to happen in person," says one woman. "If finances are tight for the person keeping the apartment, do your best to put the hurt feelings aside so as not to add insult to injury," she advises. "If you can split the last month, or buy out your half of the furniture that you're taking, all the better." Says another reader, "In other breakup circumstances, it'd be totally fine—and even expected—to wallow in your PJs. When you live with the guy who just broke your heart, though, I don't advise you to let him see that side of you. Force yourself to get out of that apartment and be with friends and family, rather read more

Your friends do a lot for you: They're there to remind you why you're better off after a breakup, accompany you on a beach-bound birthday getaway, and squeeze into a bathroom stall just so they can hold your wedding gown's tulle skirt while you pee. But new research shows friendships do more than create a network of support and source of happiness—they may actually help you live longer. University of Rochester researchers studied 133 participants examining the quantity and quality of their relationships over 30 years. They found that when 20-something participants had more frequent social interactions, they more easily "found themselves," or defined their opinions, ethics, and desires, than those who limited their friendships. When the participants reached their 30s, those who reported having higher-quality friendships also reported the highest levels of well-being at midlife. So the key to later-life health, it would seem, lies in part with our friendships. To us, this sounds like the most fun health plan ever discovered. read more

When you think of getting up close and personal with your partner, you likely envision being body-to-body between the sheets. But if you haven't hit the sexual phase of your relationship yet, or just need another option to increase the intimacy, there are plenty of other ways to get there. “Sex is one of the most physically intimate acts we can do in a relationship, and couples often believe that the physical act of sex is the quickest way to establish and maintain intimacy,” says Rachel DeAlto, relationship expert and author of Flirt Fearlessly. But there are a lot of other ways to be intimate beyond sex.” So maybe you're in the beginning stages and you haven't had sex yet but are trying to take things to another level. Or maybe you've been together forever and just need to rev up the intimacy level. Here are six things to try that don't involve getting naked: 1. Turn off your phone. The most intimate thing you can do with your significant other in this social media age, DeAlto says, is “turn off the electronics and focus on one another.” By staring into each other's eyes and not your small screen, you’re read more

You know what you want, but perhaps the guy you've been seeing hasn't expressed a similar sentiment, so it's time to initiate the dreaded "Are we exclusive?" conversation. You're scared, you're nervous—and then the worst happens: You get a solid, unequivocal "No." Ouch. "It's such a vulnerable place," commiserates Brandy Engler, Ph.D., psychologist and author of The Women on My Couch. "So the story you tell yourself about why he said no is very important." Here's how to swing that narrative in your favor. "If you're feeling insecure, you may think of all your flaws and blame yourself for not being good enough," says Engler. "If you're angry, you may blame him—'he's just a player, a jerk.'" In psychologist speak, that's called emotional reasoning: "When you don't see the objective story. You only see through the lens of your immediate emotional experience, and you make a bunch of judgments that end up becoming a larger narrative about you, men and relationships," explains Engler. Your ego is understandably bruised. But now's not the time to rush to rash rationalizations. "It's important to feel the sting of disappointment, of unrequited feelings of desire, and not getting the validation you wanted," Engler says. read more

If you're on social media—in other words, if you're a human being—you've likely experienced some kind of cyber harassment. From trolls who bully writers and blog commenters to randos who want to rant about your latest feminist Tweet, people can just be mean. But a new study shows that sexist men who harass women online—namely, in gaming communities—aren't just cruel. They're literally losers. The study, titled "Insights into Sexism: Male Status and Performance Moderates Female-Directed Hostile and Amicable Behavior," showed that men who perform poorly at online video games were more likely than winners to be rude to female players. Researchers asked 163 men and women to play Halo 3, then watched as lower-skilled male players exhibited hostility toward female players—all while higher-skilled men behaved like gentlemen (or at least nicely) to all players. Researchers connected the lower-skilled males' hostility to a deep-seeded fear of female dominance. "Dominance is tightly linked to fitness," according to the study. "Low-status and low-performing males have the most to lose as a consequence of the hierarchical reconfiguration due to the entry of a competitive woman. As men often rely on aggression to maintain their dominant social status, the increase in hostility toward a woman read more

Picture this: You step into your company's elevator and just as the doors begin to slide shut, the CEO steps inside—and on that 20-second ride to the fifth floor, she wants to know all about you. Are you prepared with a (literal) elevator pitch? You may think it's unlikely you'll be trapped in a five-by-seven-foot space with the woman who writes your checks, but it's "actually not unheard of to run into a senior-level executive in an elevator," says Alexandra Levit, CEO of Inspiration at Work and author of How'd You Score That Gig? In fact, she insists you should always be ready with a killer response to the obvious question of "how are you?" for this scenario alone. More likely, of course, you'll be working the room at a networking event, making new friends at a cocktail party, wandering a job fair, attending a corporate retreat, or even "at a golf outing, at your kid's soccer game, or on vacation," when you'll find yourself in need of that 30-second spiel, says Maggie Mistal, career consultant and host of radio show Making a Living. "You never know whom you’ll meet or where you’ll meet them," she insists. "You want to read more

For some, sleeping together is a big step, while others go for it early on. But no matter where you fall on the spectrum, one thing is true: The decision to sleep with someone for the first time is deeply personal. With that in mind, we got five readers to dish on when they first slept with their current partner, and why. "The first night we met!" says one 29-year-old woman who's been dating her boyfriend for about two months. "I won't blame it entirely on the amount of alcohol I had, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't play a part. We met out at a bar, then he and several of my friends came back to my place to continue drinking when the bars closed. He wasn't in any condition to go home after that, so he spent the night in my bed. Maybe it wasn't the ideal first time, but it worked out just fine!" "We waited until the ninth time we went out," says a 23-year-old woman who's now living with her boyfriend of 16 months. "He definitely tried to make it happen sooner! And while I'd slept with guys a lot faster than read more

Many women believe it's not the man's penis itself but what the man can do with it that really counts. But, that said, not all penises are created equal. A new study took a look at what women really want in a penis, and we think you'll find the results quite interesting. For the study, conducted by researchers at the University of Zurich and published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 105 women were asked to rank the importance of eight penile properties, ranging from length and girth to appearance and... position of the urethra (we know, we never thought much about it either). Based on the results, the most important factor was "general cosmetic appearance." Because the study failed to define what exactly that means, we interpret it loosely as this: Women don't want any surprises, such as a strange mark or discoloration, down below. A regular, good-looking penis, barring any unusual traits, was the most important thing to women. The remaining penile appearance qualities ranked as follows: 1. General cosmetic appearance 2. Pubic hair appearance 3. Penile skin 4. Penile girth 5. Glans shape 6. Penile length 7. Scrotum appearance 8. Position and shape of the urethra We'd read more

Is the dating pool of gorgeous guys in your city more like a kiddie pool than an Olympic-sized one? According to a new survey by Grooming Lounge, it may be time to move: The most handsome men, the survey claims, are swimming in Seattle, followed by San Francisco, Washington, D.C., and Boston. The website used the following criteria to scan the nation for the most handsome men: How much the population spent on personal-care services, shaving needs, and apparel per man, plus which cities were known to have the fittest residents in the country, according to data from the American Fitness Index Report. Here's how the top cities ranked: 1. Seattle 2. San Francisco 3. Washington, D.C. 4. Boston 5. Denver 6. New York 7. Austin, Texas 8. Nashville, Tenn. 9. Atlanta 10. Minneapolis 11. San Diego 12. Chicago 13. Boulder, Colo. 14. Portland, Ore. 15. Philadelphia 16. Los Angeles 17. Cincinnati 18. Tucson, Ariz. 19. Houston 20. Phoenix 21. Dallas 22. Las Vegas 23. Baltimore 24. Cleveland 25. Miami Getting into the nitty-gritty of grooming, Seattle men spend the most on their personal-care products—a whopping $3,413 per year. Men in Cleveland, on the other hand, spent about $2,366. Guys read more

Love has a funny way of making us do things, say things, and try things we might otherwise never experience—or heck, might even actively avoid. Here are 21 things that you wouldn’t catch us doing unless we were head-over-heels, crazy in love with an awesome guy. 1. Learn the name of every single player on his favorite sports team, when previously you were totally cool with referring to the quarterback as “that sexy one with all the tattoos.” 2. Test out his sexual fetish. You’re not saying you’ll ever be into sucking on his toes, but you’re willing to try. 3. Be really, truly vulnerable. When you’re in love, it’s A-OK to ugly-cry on his shoulder. 4. Give him the last bite of the chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. 5. Get embarrassingly mushy on Facebook. 6. Or fight your every urge and keep it totally cool on social media. After all, the couple who stays low-key on social media stays together. And you’re in this for the long haul. 7. Have a goofy grin permanently pasted on your face—the kind that makes strangers assume you’re cray-cray. 8. Take you for a twirl around the dance floor—a.k.a. your kitchen—any time read more

Breakups can be heart-wrenching ordeals we wouldn’t wish on our worst enemies. But the beautiful thing that happens post-breakup, when you realize you’re finally over your ex, is that you've come out of this hellish experience so much wiser. Here are 15 realizations that happen only once your heart has healed. 1. You’re ready to celebrate. If it was the right relationship, it wouldn't have ended. Once you realize that, you’re ready to kick up your heels, not cry. 2. You will have better sex than you did with him, despite feeling like he was the best you’d ever had. 3. You didn’t waste a year of your life—you earned an honorary Ph.D. in what you don’t want in a man. 4. His new girlfriend actually isn’t a horrible, evil, no-good, rotten woman. In fact, you no longer even need to look at her Instagram. Most of the time. 5. Your queen-size bed doesn’t feel empty without him. Spreading out starfish-style feels damn good. 6. You're never gonna wear that necklace he gave you, and you don't need to hang onto that gift you were about to give him. Time to process a few returns and hit the gym! 7. read more

Here on Smitten, we toss around the word sex so often it feels downright unnatural if we go a few sentences without working it in. But there was a time when that three-letter-word wasn’t quite as common—and new research shows just when and how that little word has been used over the last 200 years in print. Interested in the history of our favorite word? Read on. Dred.com, an online doctor community in the United Kingdom, analyzed the Corpus of Historical American English—an online database of more than 100,000 fiction, nonfiction, and periodical documents from 1810 to 2009—for its study on word use. With that out of the way, prepare to be shocked: The word sex peaked between 1810 and 1825, when it was used 250 million times across the texts. Comparatively, sex can be found about half that often in 2009. Obviously, back in the day the word sex was used mostly in biological terms—in other words, someone’s sex was male or female. “Sex,” according to the study, begins to appear in text in sexual terms in 1948, shortly after the Kinsey Institute released its initial reports on human sexuality. Even then, the word sex was associated with education, read more

You've heard these kinds of stories from your friends at brunch. Maybe you've even experienced them firsthand. Frankly, either way, who doesn't want to know the weird stuff that goes on behind closed doors?! From the weird and wacky to just plain offensive, our readers have some seriously funny stories about what they’ve been asked to do in bed. “I took a second date back to my place, and we started fooling around on my couch,” says one 29-year-old reader. “He leaned in and whispered, ‘I want to put it in your ass.’ And that’s when I told him there would be no third date!” “An ex boyfriend had a foot fetish he didn’t tell me about until a few months into our relationship,” says a 27-year-old woman. “I found out when he popped my big toe into his mouth without asking. Only after I yanked my foot away did he ask, ‘Oh, would you rather suck on mine?’ Um, no!” “Apparently my ex saw too much Orange Is the New Black, because he asked me to ‘edge’ him,” says a 23-year-old woman. “He didn’t think he could stop before having an orgasm by himself, so he asked me to read more

You already celebrate the big things, such as the day you became official or the day you moved in together. But the truth is, there are tons of tiny relationship milestones that deserve a little happy dance too. They seem small at the time, but they're a big deal. In that spirit, here are 16 small moments all long-term relationships eventually hit—so go ahead and get your happy dance on! 1. The first time you leave a toothbrush at his place, or vice versa. 2. The first time your friends pull you aside to say, "We love him!” Not that it gets old the 10th time they insist you need to lock that man down. 3. When you feel so comfortable with him you fall asleep with your mouth open, drooling on his chest. (What? Just us?) 4. The first time he tells you he’s in love with you—because even before he says it, there's always a moment when you can see it in his eyes. 5. When you come to bed in his boxers and a T-shirt and he says you've never looked sexier. 6. When you realize your friends and his friends are now one and the same. read more

Our cover girl Amy Schumer's movie, Trainwreck, is out this weekend, and we're prettttty sure it won't involve a lot of pleading to get our guy to go see it with us. Granted, there are plenty of romantic comedies that involve 120 minutes of girlish squeals and shopping scenes, but many will make your guy excited, not depressed, to watch with you. This list of guy-approved rom coms will come in handy on your next night in. Friends With Benefits Sure, this movie’s main appeal is a shirtless Justin Timberlake. But there’s a little something in there for guys too. “It had, err, instructional value,” explains one guy. In other words, guys appreciate a sex-heavy plotline with a side of applicable tips. Love and Other Drugs It has its tragic moments, but this movie also has a lot of a naked Anne Hathaway. If you see your guy shed a tear over this flick, he could be crying over its raw emotions—or that the actress (or her body double) put her shirt back on. Pitch Perfect “Pitch-slapped? Funk buddies? Fat Amy?” says one guy. “With all those puns and jokes, you gotta love it.” In fact, this rom com is read more

When it comes to job-hunting, there's no question millennials have harnessed the power of the Internet to their best advantage—leveraging social media interactions into interviews and using LinkedIn accounts as up-to-date workplace portfolios, for example. But according to results from a new Trendera survey “Millennials in the Job Marketplace,” young men and women still have a lot to learn when it comes to landing a job. “Unfortunately, as a society, we’ve done a really lousy job at helping millennials be prepared for the workplace,” says Jane Buckingham, Trendera founder and career expert on the new ABC Family reality show Job or No Job. “We’ve helped them feel really good about themselves, we’ve given them really good liberal arts educations, we’ve taught them to be really tech-savvy. But when it comes to getting a job, we haven’t given them realistic expectations and we haven’t given them the tools they need.” Here are some of Trendera's surprising survey findings. One third of millennials think they’ve got a better chance of being hit by a bus than landing their dream jobs. In an age of seemingly instant success—where Mark Zuckerberg launched a multibillion-dollar business from his dorm room and Kaitlyn Bristowe achieved instant read more

Saying “I love you” isn’t the kind of thing you spit out over third-date cocktails (for most of us). It often takes several months to get close enough and work up the courage to let our feelings flow. In fact, a recent survey found the average American has said "I love you" to three or fewer romantic partners over his or her lifetime. Surprised? We say given the gravity of the sentiment, that sounds perfectly fine. The online survey, conducted by YouGov, asked 986 men and women ages 18 to 65 several questions about their romantic lives, including how many partners had been on the receiving end of their professions of love. While 9 percent of respondents had never confessed that loving feeling, 26 percent have said “I love you” to one partner, 26 percent have said it to two partners, and 15 percent have said it to three partners. From there, the number dwindles to just 8 percent expressing their affections to four partners all the way to just 1 percent saying “I love you” to nine. What we wish? That the survey size was bigger, that respondents were asked under what circumstances they made their confessions, and whether read more

If you think exotic beauties get asked on more second dates, think again. According to the results of a recent study, men prefer to gaze at “average” faces—facial features with the most symmetry, that skew more toward unsurprising and further from unique. In other words, move over, Mila Kunis. It’s time for us girls next door to have a moment in the dating spotlight. Researchers at the Universidad Autonoma de Madrid in Spain surveyed 266 female undergrads on their own perceived attractiveness, then asked 44 straight men to rate the attractiveness of each woman based on black-and-white, unsmiling images alone. Independently, the researchers used criteria, such as symmetry, to categorize the women on a scale from average to unique and youthful to more aged in appearance. Both the women and men agreed that symmetry—features similar on each side of the face, equal distance between them—was more desirable than faces with asymmetric features. Overwhelmingly, the men were most attracted to women who were categorized as "average." And not surprisingly, the men also reported youthful faces as most pleasing. If you’re as puzzled as we were to hear men prefer an average face over a more interesting mug, here’s the scientific explanation: read more

Summer is the season for a fling—a romantic rendezvous where fun sparks fly and there’s zero pressure. But every once in a while, the man you initially thought of as your "just for now" guy becomes the guy you want to keep you warm straight through the winter. If that’s the case with your current summer romance, here are expert tips on how to upgrade things into more serious status. Socialize on social media. Perhaps you’ve been too busy making out on the Ferris wheel and feeding each other ice cream in bed to connect outside of your own sex-filled bubble. But the key to kicking things up a notch begins online. “Slowly start interacting with your fling on social media—emphasis on slowly,” suggests Amy Baglan, professional matchmaker and founder of online dating site Meet Mindful. “Too much too fast can come off as desperate and stalker-esque, which is definitely not the vibe you want to put off.” First step, add him or follow him if you haven't already. Next step, begin the interactions, even if it's just posting something you know he'll be interested in. “For example,” Baglan says, “if you know your guy is a big music buff, read more