Thursday, April 16, 2009

no thought makes thought

so watching house tonight had the opposite effect than usual and actually put my head into gear.so there was this girl right and she had been raped, caught an std and we later found out she was pregnant to top it all off. so she was pretty messed up right. but she said something that got me a-thinking.life is just a series of rooms and the people we’re stuck in the rooms with decide what we made of our lives...or something like that.i like the part about the rooms. cause it really is. whenever someone is telling a story or asking about an event where is always mentioned. and in every memory its not like you see whats happening and not where you are. and the second part ive always been a big believer that its the people not the event that make a memory. and more than that if no-one thinks you're a good person you arent going to be able to think you are one. but as soon as someone tells you that you've done something good, something worthwhile, something nice theres that warm, rushing feeling from your stomach to your smile. if we didnt have people we wouldnt be remembered and then therefore everything we do is pointless anyways. and nobody wants to be nothing.

this leads me to talk about the question ive been asked every day for the last 4 months (not exaggerating... much) "what do you want to be when you grow up?" i hate this question. i hate this question more than anything ive ever been asked, told, done, said or witness. ok well maybe not that much but its up there. i hate this question so much for several reasons. this first one is the obvious one, i dont know. its not on for a year 12 student to not know. secondly because it implies that i will only be one thing forever. this also stems from me not knowing what i want to do because forever is a long time and it would be annoying to make the wrong choice. and lastly the school always rambles on about how they treat us like young adults and its time to act mature, responsible etc etc etc but its hard to choose what we want to be when we grow up if we're already apparently grown up. and im so not ready to grow up.besides its not like i dont have a plan. i have plenty of plans i just have to decide on one.heres a few.

PLAN ONEgraduate.take a gap year n work so that i can get money to go to uni and study either massage/therapeutic remedies, radio presenting, journalism, language, acting or something to do with making movies/film work.then after my four year course (or more depending which course i do) i go for the job i chose.get job i desire and work at it.i obviously cant go further than that cause i might want to change what i want to do or i might be perfectly happy

PLAN TWOgraduate.dont take a gap year.rest as above.

PLAN THREEgraduate.take one of those short uni/tafe courses that enable you to do a profession such as air hostessing after like a week (obviously longer but still not very long) and do that for a while until i can decide and obviously earn the money for uni. if i make a decision i do that. if i dont decide id have to continue working the work force til i decide.

all these plans have their pros and then cons but none of them have enough on either side to help me choose.

i dont know what i want i only know what i dont want.

i dont want to do something i hate.

i dont want to be doing the same thing every day.

i dont want to be anti-social.

i dont want to be stuck doing whatever im doing.

i dont want to be stuck in the one place.

i dont want to see all the same people every day.

i dont want to be the bad guy. ever.

so yea pick a job for me??

i found some stuff thats going to help me get inspiration for and be in my room.here some are.

all images courtesy of google :)

so yeah hopefully soon my oasis will be complete. i was also thinking up how to store my stuff and i think ive come up with an idea. see what i want is a way to store my virtually useless stuff but in a way that is effective and accessible. i think im going to get shoe boxes and cover them in heaps of different things and just chuck all my shit in there. obviously to be effective i will have to sort my shit into different boxes but that shouldnt be too hard. i want to cover them in heaps of different things like newspapers, photographs, lyrics, stuff from magazines, quotes, sayings and pretty much anything else i can find. i want it to overlap as well. i dunno i just think the idea is cool. and i can write on the front of the boxes whats in them so they can just remain stacked in my room until i want something from one of them. good idea yeah?

and for the stuff i wanted to put over my mirrors when they are installed i was thinking that i could have a kind of friends theme running through all three mirrors. on one wall i could have a layer of pictures of everyone. i saw this on jamies sliding door i shall take a photo and upload it on here asap. on another wall i could have a massive piece of butcher paper that people can write on. i could make a new one each month and have a massive calendar for each month and i can write down all the things i do. it can also have things on it like lists and drawings and reminders and ideas and anything else i could possibly need. with the last mirror, however, i am at a loss. im thinking i could make a curtain for it, something to go with my room that i could pull aside if needed.

oh well i have a couple of months to think of things. but i like the start ive made.

now dont get me wrong here, i dont have a problem with mirrors or my body (usually) or anything like that i just dont want them in my room, where i spend most of my time. i have them at dads house and i hate it. i cant go more than 10 seconds without looking at myself, fixing my hair, sucking in my stomach etc etc and its annoying!! i dont want to be bombarded with imaged of myself and how i dont like something that i see. like i have my pretty days but they arent when im waking up or when im having a lazy day or when im in my comfy clothes.