The Love-Based Leader ... by James Roswell Quinn

This site is designed to assist you in the creation of Love-Based Solutions to personal and professional problems and challenges. The more often you come here, the more you will learn. I wish for you ALL of life's successes.

The Love-Based Leader

Creating Desired Results by Overcoming Fear-BasedLiving

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Thursday, April 16, 2015

“I was convinced in 1927 that humanity's most fundamental survival problems could never be solved by politics.

I set about to see what a penniless, unknown human individual

with a dependent wife and newborn child might be able to do effectively on behalf of all humanity.”

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Fear of failure can control your life, especially when triggered by perceived threats. These fear-based reactions must be overcome in order for you to create personal or professional excellence.

There is, for example, almost no real danger when rock climbing if you are climbing with qualified individuals in accordance with generally recognized safety standards. If you fall, your spotters and the equipment will keep you safe. Whether you feel embarrassed or inadequate, you have a choice. You can come down, continue climbing from where you fell, or try a different route.

On the other hand, for many people fear of falling creates a perception of danger that exceeds the possible good feelings they would get by successfully scaling a rock face. In such cases, otherwise capable persons give up before they start and do not give themselves a chance to experience this activity, much less excel at it.

Similarly, when a salesperson slips and falls, and fails to make a sale, there is rarely unrecoverable damage. Rejection and frustration are simply part of the process. A successful salesperson simply goes on to the next prospect, learning from the experience.

However, for many people fear of rejection creates a perception of danger that far exceeds the possible benefits of successfully making a sale. Just as with fear of falling when rock climbing, where otherwise capable persons give up before they start, they do not give themselves a chance to achieve excellence in sales.

In sales, rock climbing, or any endeavor where the perception of risk is grossly inflated, achievable objectives are not even attempted. “Playing it safe” guarantees failure. Ships in a harbor are safe, but it is not why ships were built. Avoiding the risk of failure keeps us safe, but it is not why we were born.

The main reason people do not have what they want?

They are too busy trying to prevent getting what they do not want.

Part of the problem is that “fear of rejection” and “fear of falling” are rational feelings. Rejection is painful and falling could be deadly. There is a certain amount of wisdom involved in choosing behaviors that prevent you from trying things that could end up in failure or death.

However, the cost of playing it safe can be enormous when the danger is only perceived. When you do not make a sales presentation because you hate being turned down, it is fear of rejection that has guaranteed you will not earn a commission today.

Thomas Edison did not create the light bulb by trying to prevent darkness, and you cannot create success by trying to prevent failure. You become successful by taking calculated risks, failing, learning from your mistakes and giving it another shot … not by playing it safe.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career.

I’ve lost almost 300 games.

Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted

to take the game-winning shot and missed.

I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life,

and that is why I succeed.”

Michael Jordan

The answer is to develop the wisdom to identify perceived threats, and then to create the courage and determination to overcome your fears. While you will probably not succeed at everything you attempt, you will most certainly fail at everything you do not attempt.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Hating Nazis is Killing You

Most people do not easily forgive when they have been hurt. Resentment makes it difficult. Hatred makes it almost impossible. We feel justified in thinking things such as, “If I forgive you for what you did, it implies that what you did was not so bad. But, since what you did was wrong and hurtful, I will not forgive you.”To resist forgiving is to rationalize the withholding of your love, abilities, and gifts. When you fail to forgive, you may or may not hurt the other person … but you definitely damage yourself.

Behold the magnificent apple tree, which never says … “I only give my apples to the deserving.” Regardless of the reason, we know that an apple tree which stops bearing fruit is dying. Similarly, a human who stops giving love is also dying. We die emotionally at first, but eventually the rest of the body follows.

Negative reactions triggered by your resentment are Fear-Based. It does not matter if your reasons are important or petty, real or perceived; to do so means you have made a decision to allow others to run your life … because of fear. The fact you can rationalize the behavior only proves you would not otherwise have acted in such a manner. In other words, when you react to your fears, the negative circumstance is in control … not you.

Hate begets hate. Hating the haters is not the answer, for you have already chosen to emulate them in your own way. Comic-pianist, Tom Lehrer, said it best when he jokingly proclaimed, “I know there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.”Forgiveness does not mean you condone the hurtful actions of another person. It does mean that you have decided that those actions are not going to control you. Choosing to forgive when the conditions are hurtful, especially when you are tempted to react with hate, is true self-control.

When you forgive, you are 'giving forth' love. Obviously, the person you are resenting benefits when you forgive, simply because you are not striving to hurt them back. More significantly, however, you benefit when you forgive. Clearly the person who hurt you did not create the forgiveness … you created it. As such, to forgive another is to stay in charge of your self.

Victims react BECAUSE of problems. Visionaries forgive IN SPITE of them. Mother Teresa created peace and love in Calcutta. You and I have created turmoil at birthday parties. The question is; can we do better?

A True Story

In 1982, I attended a lecture in Evanston, Illinois. The events of that evening had a profound impact on my view of the power of forgiveness.

The speaker was famous for his forgiveness messages, so most of the people in attendance were already supportive of this topic. It promised to be an inspirational evening for people who were, at least conceptually, quite open to his ideas. This was not a hostile crowd.

An impromptu survey of several people revealed I was one of the few in the audience who had not read any of the speaker’s books. To remedy this situation, I went to the lobby and bought one. Perhaps, I thought, I might even be able to get it autographed.

The speaker came out to a rousing ovation, and spoke on the power of love and forgiveness for more than an hour. He had us in tears one moment, then laughing a few minutes later. He spoke beautifully and effortlessly. Everyone was having a marvelous time.

Firmly he stated messages such as, “You have to forgive your enemies. You have to forgive family members who've hurt you. Forgiveness is the key to peace and happiness.” People were practically cheering. So far, so good.

“You have to forgive strangers who've stepped on your toes, or even accosted you,” he continued to even more applause. “And you must forgive yourself for the people you've hurt.” We loved that one.

The speaker was on a roll and we responded with continued applause and cheering until he said something rarely heard in a public address. He said,“In fact, the Jews will never be free until they forgive Hitler.”Our celebration of good feelings hit a wall, and there was an abrupt silence. You could hear a collective gasp of disbelief at what had just been spoken, followed by an “explosion” of vehemence, the likes of which I have never witnessed.

Almost as he said, “In fact, the Jews will never be free until they forgive Hitler”, a tiny woman in the third or fourth row stood up and started screaming at him. Her tirade was a mixture of profanity, insults, and tears. It was quite difficult to decipher, but what I could understand sent a chill down my spine.

It became apparent that she was a survivor of the Dachau concentration camp. It was clear her hatred for Nazis would not tolerate any attempt to diminish her resentment and loathing.

She lived in nearby Skokie. Many survivors of concentration camps settled in this community after World War II. There were probably several other Holocaust survivors in the audience, and many of their children. This was not the place to say, “In fact, the Jews will never be free until they forgive Hitler”.For several minutes, she spat her hatred at the speaker, and then literally collapsed from exhaustion into the arms of the people sitting next to her. For a moment it appeared she had actually died. Fortunately she had not, but she was totally spent.

I had been watching the speaker during her attack. Never had I seen a man so naked before. He just stood there and took it. You could see the depth of compassion on his face. I watched him struggle to find something, anything, to say to her.

I wager that he wanted to come down off the stage and embrace her and tell her he was sorry for what he said. But, he knew the truth. Her hatred of Nazis was killing her.

He knew this woman really needed to forgive for her own sake. However, any response on his part, “Hating Nazis is killing you”, or “Forgiveness is divine”, would sound like empty platitudes, and he knew it. He really had nowhere to go.Then, I heard someone crying. This was the only sound in the theatre of stunned observers, and it began to attract attention.

A young man was standing and weeping. For a few moments I wondered about what he might do. Finally, he spoke through his tears … with a thick German accent. If I live to be a thousand, I hope I never forget what he said that evening.

He began softly and with compassion. “Ma’am. Nobody has a right to hate more than you do. I can't imagine the horrors you've lived through. I can't imagine how anyone could treat another human in the ways you and others were treated. What makes it worse for me, however, is you are literally speaking of my parents and grandparents. It shames me as a German. Nobody has a right to hate more than you do.”

“But,” and he pointed at the speaker and continued quite firmly, “you must listen to this man. I have been having the Holocaust shoved down my throat since I was a child. I have been made to feel guilty and responsible. It has made me angry because I was not alive when those atrocities occurred.”“I am not alone,” he continued. “Thousands, perhaps millions of other young Germans are fed up with being judged for acts that were committed by others. If it keeps up, they will react. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were treated, and we have not deserved to be made to feel guilty for it. Keep on hating … Hitler would approve.”With that, he made his way through the crowd toward the woman. When he reached her, they embraced. The speaker visibly sighed with relief.

I watched as people reached in to hug the people, who were hugging the people, who were hugging the two of them. I would have given anything to be a part of that hug, but I was too far away. However, the speaker was being ignored. So I went up on stage, and had him autograph my copy of his book. I really did.

Finally, he got everyone to take their seats and spoke some beautiful words, bringing closure to what we had all witnessed. However, I knew it was the words of this young man I would always remember …

Sunday, November 4, 2012

It is with a sad heart that I must share thatmy step-father, Robert H. Sanderspassed away this morning at 86, following a courageous battle with cancer. Bob had an illustrious career in Public Relations. He worked for the Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times,WTTW Public Television, Playboy, and TV Guide. Bob is survived by my mother, Jan Sanders, and his 3 children, 3 step-children, 8 grandchildren,and 3 great-grandchildren.This is my favorite photo of Bob and my motherwith their beloved Bichon Frise cheerleading squad.(circa 2002)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

R. Buckminster Fuller was a renowned 20th century inventor and visionary born in Milton, Massachusetts on July 12, 1895. Dedicating his life to making the world work for all of humanity, Fuller operated as a practical philosopher who demonstrated his ideas as inventions that he called “artifacts.” Fuller did not limit himself to one field but worked as a 'comprehensive anticipatory design scientist' to solve global problems surrounding housing, shelter, transportation, education, energy, ecological destruction, and poverty. Throughout the course of his life Fuller held 28 patents, authored 28 books, received 47 honorary degrees. And while his most well know artifact, the geodesic dome, has been produced over 300,000 times worldwide, Fuller's true impact on the world today can be found in his continued influence upon generations of designers, architects, scientists and artists working to create a more sustainable planet.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

"Every day 75,000 people die of starvation despite the fact that we have plenty of food for everyone. Our distribution systems, our nations, all the different kind of separateness block the whole thing. Simply because we're badly organized, we're not taking care of it."

“This book of great quotations from Buckminster Fuller (the 20th Century's Leonardo Di Vinci) shows us how to take evolution's next step ... as exemplified by the words of 42 guest commentators who are doing just that. Prepare to have your world turned upside down - or more correctly really right side up. There is enough food, energy and resources to support all the world's population at a very high standard of living.”

Understanding that we humans don't have a clue about how to operate our fragile Spaceship Earth, Fuller provided insightful design science solutions to our most challenging issues, including war, overpopulation, housing, increasing inflation, health care, the energy crisis, and much more.

For all its genius, Fuller's legacy has yet to be fully discovered.

The world needs to hear Buckminster's voice as it calls upon each of us

to shift our intellectual and technological resources from

creating weaponry ... to creating livingry.

Steve Wozniak, Co-Founder Apple Computer

“This book of great quotations from Buckminster Fuller (the 20th Century's Leonardo Di Vinci) shows us how to take evolution's next step ... as exemplified by the words of 42 guest commentators who are doing just that. Prepare to have your world turned upside down - or more correctly really right side up. There is enough food, energy and resources to support all the world's population at a very high standard of living.”

Marianne Williamson

"Buckminster Fuller was one of those world historic geniuses who reminded us of the extraordinary things that are possible, and inspires all of us to set about doing them! This book elucidates his thinking, honors his spirit and creates an enthusiasm for continuing his work."