New York Magazine Competition No. 52: Real-Estate Ads of the Famous

Welcome back to the New York Magazine Competition. On alternate Mondays, we lay out a challenge and offer a sample responses. Enter in the comments section, or on Twitter with the hashtag we’ve provided, and the editors will select a winner. Criteria are highly subjective, but heavily retweeted and favorited posts will have an advantage. The prize is a year’s subscription to New York in print or a two-year subscription to the iPad edition (winner’s choice). Full rules are here.

COMPETITIONNO. 52: “CELEBRITYREAL-ESTATEADS.” Please offer ad copy from a famous person as he attempts to sell his or her apartment. Forexample:

Donald Trump: “This apartment is HUUUGE! The biggest. Honestly, only a loser wouldn’t want to livehere.”

Harper Lee: "1960 house with brand-new addition, shown for the first time. Do not enquire at house down theblock."

Larry David: "Pretty, pretty, pretty nice place I got here,huh."

Pablo Picasso: "Studio available. Open houses at 2, 5, and 8 p.m., to make visible all points ofview."

Herman Melville: "Seaside home in New York available for long-term rent. Occupant departing on long trip shortly. Callme."

Enter on Twitter with the hashtag #realestateadsofthefamous, or in the comments thread below, by July22.

RESULTSOFCOMPETITIONNO. 51, “SCALIA’S OTHERJOB,” in which you were asked for the justice’s proclamations had he chosen anotherprofession.

HONORABLEMENTIONTO:

Art restorer: “In all the projects I undertake, my overarching mission is to honor the intent of the framers.”—ragman

EDMDJ: “We’re not playing any of that Calvin Harris/David Guetta/Deadmau5 stuff. It’s not even real dance music. We’re sticking with Kraftwerk and Donna Summer. MAYBE Oakenfold.”—haunt_fox

Plumber: “If we cannot have moral feelings against so-called ‘flushable wipes,’ can we have it against murder? Can we have it against other things?”—jade7243

Fry cook: “Presumably the meta-physicists at the Food and Drug Administration believe you can alter the basic properties of a thing without actually changing that thing, but the recipe calls for trans fats.”—Classicist

Proctologist : “There will be just a few seconds of jiggery pokery, and then it will be over.”—OldYeller62