When I was travelling around India seven years ago, I fell in love with their traditional spiced tea, a fairly upgraded version of the mandatory milk chai that cheeky babas are selling on every street corner. Ah, yes, the sweet memory of masala chai always takes me to the tropical Arambol, Goa, where I took drinking this delicious, sweet beverage as serious as though it was my day job. In fact, I used the word chai so much in my daily life in India that even months afterwards, when talking to people back home in Slovenia, I would sometimes mistakingsly say »chai« instead of »kaj«, a word meaning »what« in Slovene. And yes, this is a true story. After coming home from India, I used to make masala chai religiously but then as I became a mother and I cut everything that wasn’t kid-friendly from my diet, I forgot about it completely … until only last week, in fact, when YouTube suggested me to watch this video of Adriene making her yogi tea. Much to my surprise, I discovered her yogi tea was actually my masala chai, and I have been making 2 litre batches ever since, both, to aid my digestion and circulation, but also as a way of grounding and to quietly invite the silence of autumn into my here and now.

Ingredients:

20 black peppercorns

15 whole cloves

20 cardamom pods

3 – 5 cinnamon sticks

8 slices fresh ginger

1 tea bag black tea

Directions:

Prepare your spices. If using organic ginger, don’t peel, but only slice it into a few millimeter thick slices; if your ginger isn’t organic, I do recommend you to remove the skin before slicing it. Crush your cardamom pods with your knife, just like you would do with garlic, and set aside. Boil 2 litres of water and add all of your spices to it, as well as the tea bag. Cover and cook for about half an hour on medium heat, but you can cook it longer, up to 2 or 3 hours, as long as you mind your caffeine levels (the longer the tea bag boils, the more caffeine in your drink). When your tea is done, strain it and store it. I usually store it in big glass jars in the fridge where it will last to keep me going for about five days to a week. You can have it hot or cold, whereby my most favourite way is rather hot with some plant milk and a dollop of honey.

Masala chai has warming properties, so it is most valuable to drink in the colder months of the year. It is very beneficial for digestion, as well as circulation, and there is a reason for every ingredient in it:

*black pepper

This is the ultimate spice to use for prevention. It is warming to the body, especially to the abdomen, which is why it aids digestion, helps with diarrhea, and is a diaphoretic – opens the pores for swearing and is helpful at the onset of the common cold.

*cloves

Cloves are an excellent antioxidant. They benefit our immune system, help our digestion, lower the risk for cancer, are beneficial for the kidneys and balance insuline levels in the blood.

*cardamom

Cardamom is a treasure to munch for better digestion. The first time I had it this way was on the night train from New Delhi to Kolkata, where I travelled with a bunch of Indian girls. After dinner all of them reached for raw cardamom pods and offered them to me as well, saying this is what they typically do to make sure the dinner sits well on their tummies.

*cinnamon

Cinnamon is one of the healthiest spices there is, full stop. The list of its healing properties is truly impressive, as it spans from balancing the sugar levels in the blood, reducing infections, aiding the heart function and being good for the skin and the mouth. The only thing to be mindful about with cinnamon is to make sure we always buy the real cinnamon, the Ceylon variety, as opposed to Cassia, which is not as beneficial for the body.

*ginger

Gingers helps soothe the stomach, but also prevents nausea, vomiting and even pregnancy morning sickness (I myself am a living proof). It also helps releive menstrual cramps, bronchitins, spasms and pains.

*black tea

In medicinal uses, tea is usually strongly brewed by simmering the leaves for thirty minutes or more. Tea is traditionally used in both the East and West for cases of diarrhea as well as poor digestion.

About ten years ago me and my two best friends went to Tuscany. Mateja, who was a student of architecture, needed to come up with quite some schetches of interesting building, while Nika and I always needed a break from the hardships of a student life, so the three of us packed our bags and took the train to Florence. We had a really nice time. We ate gellato, drank Chianti and found ourselves lost all the time in the tiny streets of the old town. My biggest find, though? Ribollita, without a doubt. I was literally forced to order this bread, beans, potato and cheese stew one day at a restaurant that didn’t serve any other vegetarian dish. The first spoonfool then paved my way to heaven, a heaven I would be dreaming about for the next decade, but never really taking the fuss to recreate it. But then a few days ago, as I watched the opera-singing italian soldiers in Capitain Corelli’s mandolin, I felt the urge to have some Italy on my plate – and in my belly.

5 Tbsp olive oil

7 bay leaves

1 tsp thyme

1 big onion

4 cloves of garlic

¼ big celery root (or ½ stalk)

3 big carrots

3 potatoes

1 zucchini

5 leaves kale (or spinach or chard)

3 cups white beans (Canellini beans are used traditionally)

1 soaked date

1 can (400g) tomato sauce

salt and pepper to taste

1 slice of dry bread, crumbled

To serve:

pine nuts

cheese or nutritional yeast

Bread, cubed and toasted

lemon

Soak beans overnight, rinse in the morning and cook until done. You can only use white beans, as they do in Tuscany, or you could replace part of the beans with pulse of your choice. The sky is the limit. I, for example, replaced one cup of white beans with half cup chickpeas and half cup adzuki beans.

Heat olive oil on low temperature and fry the spices. Add chopped oninos, and in a minute’s time, chopped garlic. Cube celery, carrots, potatoes and zucchini and add to pot. Add salt and pepper. Cut the kale leaves into thin slices and chop the date, and add them to pot. If you use spinach or chard instead of kale, don’t add now, but rather just before serving. Simmer over medium heat while stirring. When the vegetables are soft, add broth or water and cook until done. Add tomatoes (in the summer you can use fresh tomatoes insted, but don’t forget to add them when the potatoes are done) and blend about a third of the soup. Add beans and crumbled bread and let it soak. If you need to, add more broth or water, but ribollita is supposed to be quite thick.

Roast pine nuts, grate the cheese, if you’re using (I used vegan cheese), cube and toast bread. Place the soup in pots, sprinkle all of the toppings upon, and add a squeeze of lemon juice and a dash of olive oil. Oh, and enjoy in this delicious invention of the peasants from the middle ages, who decided to put some bread into their day-old minestrone soup, you know, for a twist.

***

Carefully, because I am aware of the fact the he detests sloppy and all mix-everything-together dishes, I ask: »Svarun, do you like this soup?«

»Yes, I love it,« he says without looking at me, so consumed is he into positioning the next bread cube onto his spoon.

You will like it too, you’ll see. Because its easiness goes along well with its richness.

I was on the phone with a certain very wise sir the other day. We were talking about this and that when I cracked up open, telling him all my ferocious plans for the next year that really light my fire. What he responded I carry with me.

“Yes, well. The plans sound amazing, but then you have to let Life happen for you.”

His reply really provoked my deep, unsatiable need to control things. It provoked my once-knowledge that us humans only co-create this amazing, full, joyous, our life. We co-create it with all that is (which we are also part of). All that is can translate as god, Universe, Inteligence, Pachamama. And this highly compassionate Presence is aware of all our wishes and continues to readily fulfill them under the condition that it serves as the highest good for all. And ourselves as beings that dig to learn our lessons and deepen our connection to ourselves and life itself, practice acceptance along the way.

Acceptance of what is in trust that all is good, because life itself is good, and because we are deeply loved and guided, is the very essence of the female energy.

“And it harm none, so mote it be.”

Today seems like a good day to let go of my plans.

*Sure, I’ll have desires … but they won’t make me clench my teeth when not fulfilled the minute I want them too.

*And I’ll have wishes still … but never so big so as to prioritize them over my feelings or feelings of loved ones nearby.

I will show up for my part of the deal, and trust that the Universe will show up for its part of the deal, as it always does. I will rest assured that it will lead me – directly or over a few turns – to the Woman I Have Yet To Be.

All human beings posses both, the masculine and the feminine aspect – two contrasting forces that are drawn towards each other. The feminine aspect is charged with negative polarity, yin, that welcomes, draws towards herself all that she desires, whereas the masculine aspect is overflowing with positive polarity, yang, that righteously fuels a man to take action towards achieving his goals. The feminine aspect is bound to be more abundant in women, but present in men as well, while the masculine should prevail in men, but should also be found in women.

One look at the western societies tells us that the aforementioned structure has been shattered, since most people – both men and women – predominantly live in their masculine essence of action, action, action. This should not come as a surprise if you take into account our education, our upbringing and the values that were passed on from a few generations back. We have all been taught since very early on that striving, pushing it and making it happen is the way to get things done around here. Having no other model to look up to, us women took up the masculine dynamic, went out into the world, achieved … and got back home exhausted and needing to take care of the kids, home, and our partner.

While the masculine approach may well serve men in initiating and igniting their desires, it will only drain, wear out and bring women to their last legs. Funnily enough, as I was checking the synonyms for “exhausted” on the internet, the dictionary’s first example sentence for the word “tired” said: “She came home tired from work.” You don’t really believe it was a coincidence that she was tired, not him? If even dictionaries, written by men and women in our society, say that women are bound to come home tired from work, it must also be written in our collective consciousness that the feminine aspect was not designed to fit the masculine society’s tight schedule. Indeed, women are not meant to use up much energy and force in order to achieve, because we excel at attracting and accepting the energy that we have pulled towards us. And yes, we accept everything that comes our way, including the energies and outcomes we might not want. For instance, did you know that during a sexual intercourse the woman accepts into her literal body not only the man’s penis, but his emotional state with all the baggage as well? Everything we as women accept into our own energy field, into our own being keeps piling up in our wombs until our creative centre is brimming with feelings and beliefs that not necessarily serve us.

If we know that as women we will accept everything that comes our way, we can start now to be the judge of what’s coming.To be the judges of what’s coming, the magnificent creators of our own life experiences, we must learn how to live from the feminine.

Friday was a very busy day since I had to prepare all of the al-Iksir vegan goods that I would later that evening sell at a lovely event called Swap. Whenever my work involves kitchen magic, I put on inspiring talks, interviews or music on YouTube and turn on my receptive mode to make the time most enjoyable. I was just past my moon cycles and felt like I needed a feminine balm so I decided to look for my inspiration in Tami Lynn Kent, who guides women to reclaim the wild in themselves.

Most of my day was spent in the »I have to« mode, which is how I was used to get things done.

Not even close to being all set and done, I looked at the time and saw I was running late. »So what’s new,« the inner critic, who wants to live up to my father’s discipline, said. I let her words sting and flooded aimlessly around the flat, being more or less disappointed in myself because I had already predicted I would be late, mad at myself for wasting what I thought was too much time replying the messages on social media (though business-oriented) and anxious because I believed I wouldn’t manage to go hug and kiss Svarun, who was with my parents and my grandmother until after the event. I felt the familiar feeling of being drowned by my own unfinished chores and just as I was getting ready to take my last breath of sanity, I heard the echo of all of the interviews I had listened throughout the day. Immediately I hung myself onto the only arm, reaching out to my rescue from the very core of the Feminine. I resurfaced and hesitantly looked her in the eye.

»How many times did you realize that doing things the hard way was not okay, but you still go on pushing and battling against time and your body like they were the enemies?« I heard the critic again. I didn’t like her reproaching, but she was right. It was almost a year ago that I tiredly asked the Universe: »What must I do in order to be more effective with my work?« Against all of my expectations of being given a strategy, a fool-proof plan, I heard a few simple words: »You must deepen your spiritual practice.« After that I indeed deepened my spiritual practice of yoga and meditation, but solely on days when I didn’t actually have to get things done. Contrarily, on days like Friday I would still skip my morning yoga and meditation to save time and rush to get the real work done. Observant as I am, I would then notice later in the day that I was being distraught and impatient and would swear that I would never skip my peace work again, but when the next time came, I went the same old path. I still doubted that my spiritual practice was of much use in doing my business in real life because I still thought that real things had to be done the hard way, the masculine way. Things like life, raising up a kid, career, anything. I was still residing in my masculine and I did not trust my feminine to show me the way out of the stress and into the feminine essence.

On Friday she reached her hand out to save me from another exhausting day. She might have tried it before, but I didn’t see no hands before – I was too busy stressing out. On Friday I was ready to see the hand, save myself and confront her. I had to look her in the eye, no matter how mad at me I thought she might be. As soon as our eyes met, though, I felt peace, I felt love, and I felt faith. I knew that she was in fact glad; glad I found my way home.

Such is the feminine essence.

Photo courtesy of Teja Blatnik.

Thank you, my dearest, for being behind the camera and close to the heart.

If you have been following me at all up here, you know I’m taking this three-month course called Abundance Group, where we aim at developing our talents and gifts into abundance. It’s amazing. And it’s challenging to see that our acquired sense of self is often the jailer for all that we could be. That’s what I want to talk about today.

What I’ve come to notice is that I didn’t have any problems stating who I was. This is the question I’ve been dealing with fort he past decade:“Who am I, really?” And I’ve come to definitions and I’ve come to conclusions and I’ve come to internalize a set of beliefs about me that I hold dear to my heart and that make me feel right. For example, ever since I came to know the hippie movement from the late 1960’s in my early teens, I just knew: “Mom, I’m a hippie.” What got me about the hippies was their FREEDOM, but what made me stay was the prison that kept my mind believing: “It’s alright if I’m penniless, at least I’m free.” Excuse me, mind, but having a child and being penniless is no fun. Even the freedom, which was the reason that I signed up in the first place, turns to anxiety and rage when my son needs winter boots and I am in no way capable of buying a pair. Iwasn’t, but luckily I always had family and friends who were.

And then I started asking myself whether this was really who I was supposed to be? “Honestly, I’m here to be broke?”, I asked myself and paused.

The voice of the wise answered for me: “Well, if you’re buying this, I’m certainly not.” It was time to acquire a new sense of self. This sense of self made me describe myself as I did a few days ago.

I’m a woman and a mother who is aiming at balance of body, mind and soul. I am a researcher of life whose job is to find pleasure in every little step on the way. I am here to tell the truth about the way and I am here to be REAL.

Seeing the world that is fake and the people who fake in order to please or reach some sort of standards, lights the fire on my way, because I’m here to question: “Whose standards?”. If you know the answer to this, right you are; if not, go deep inside and look for them for the answers always await until you come inside. We are our own standards and once we’ve caught a glimpse of ourselves, of our true light in being … that light is loyal enough to never let us go. Whatever we sense, or see, or feel, or hear, or touch inside – it’s all good. And if your mind can’t categorize that as good yet, know that that exact thing is a call for love; your love.

We are here to do pure magic, get it?

We are pure magic! From head to toe.

But in order to let the magic shine through, we must love and accept ourselves first. We have to come to terms with all of our pieces because none are better then others. None! Sure, we have come to accept the light and the dark, the up and the down, the left and the right, and yes, even theright and the wrong. But we have only come to know these because we live in a dualistic reality, where it’s easier to understand our different pieces as contrasts. There is no harm in that – as long as we also keep in mind that all of these contrasts can only apply to our particular viewpoints (that are unavoidably the products of our upbringing, education and experiences).

Try not to label your contrasts as right or wrong. If you do that, you will show the world only the pieces in you that you think are right and hide the rest. And that’s fake. And not only is it not REAL, but it will make the unloved, unappreciated pieces of you either sink in and hold a grudge – or (if you’re anything like me) rebel.

All of our pieces are right, because they are ours and because they are real and thus make us REAL. And if they’re showing you a part of yourself that you don’t like or try to ignore or deprive of love or starve to death … they are here because of that alone: to point the finger.

Today bathe the parts that you don’t accept in yourself with love. And let them be.

Do you feel the Scorpio’s rule this year? It seems highly unlikely but this year, I felt immediately when the happy-go-lucky Libra set off and king of the shadow, Scorpio, took over. I know that because I started to feel more tension running through my veins than normally. That, and more visits to my shadows than usual.

My shadow emotion has got to be anger. It’s the first feeling I would get when something doesn’t go according to the plan. I’m not a particularly fearful human being, and I don’t get gloomy all that often – but I will get angry in no time. Anger is the one that’s using up the fire of my bright spirit – when I’m not tuned in. Into myself. Into my body and mind. When my head is calculating the earnings, the to-do list, the people I have to call, the articles I have to write … instead of noticing what’s here and now.

And what’s been here and now is my beautiful son, figuring out this world. This past week he didn’t go to kindergarten so we spent all of our days together all the time. For the first couple of days I didn’t even do my yoga or meditation, but when I saw where this has brought me (and consequently us) I quickly called a halt to the absence of inner-goddess-time. I need this time as I do my oxygen to stay alive – and I took that time as I do my oxygen … even if he regularly uses my downward dog for a bridge to climb under, and even if I use a non-harming cartoon with no commercials to relax into a meditation. Well, it’s called life!

So yeah, it’s been wackadoodle around here. But I chose it because I wanted to see how far along am I in managing my roles as a woman, mother, mompreneur, single parent and constant teacher and student thingy – at the same time. What?! I’m getting better, though. My technique? Try to remember as often as I can that:

Life is not as serious as I tend to think of it. So laugh a little. Or a lot. Actually … don’t ever stop.

All is good because I’m exactly where I need to be … I just need to come out of my head and notice where I’m being.

So even though I have had to try much harder to accept life’s situations with laughter, rather then with anger, I’m still here, bolder and brighter. And you know what?