1. Being on your period can increase the sensitivity of your nerve endings, and that make sex feel super nice for lots of folks.

2. Period sex also brings a couple more medical risks I’m sorry I’m sorrrryyyyy. For the menstruating partner (“the Menstruator” is your power name today), semen and menstrual blood both alter the pH of the vagina, which can make it more susceptible to infections, like yeast or bacterial vaginosis. For the other partner, there is some research suggesting that period sex may increase your risk of contracting HIV. Condoms or not having sex can be used as protection against these risks.

3. It’s really easy to have sex while bleedin’: Just say, “Hang on a sec, I’ve got to take my tampon/Diva Cup/whatever out, I’ll be right back,” head to the bathroom, take it out, and come back. There are also a couple of options to prevent blood from escaping during sex on your period: An Instead Softcup or a contraceptive diaphragm can be used during intercourse to catch any overflow. But that’s not necessary so long as the sight of your menstrual blood doesn’t freak you or your partner(s) out. If you’re gonna have sex during your period without a barrier, though, make sure to grab your…

4. Sex Towel. A Sex Towel is a towel you own that is specifically for sexy messes, a towel that you keep handy for moments during sex that might get all over the sheets. Preferably black, red, brown, or navy, a Sex Towel is something you grab with studied casualness, shooing your partner over to one side while you lay it down and spread it out. It kills the moment for a sec, but you know what kills the moment worse? Suddenly realizing that you’ve gotten blood all over your sheets in a major way. Especially if someone else does the laundry (hi, Mom!).

Krista: My sex towel was once pink and is now a horrible rusty-beige color. It’s also fraying and torn in three places. Only the best for those I love.

Lola: My old sex towel’s name was Old Filthful. By the end of my relationship it stiffly held its own form no matter how much we washed it.

“What if I don’t get wet? What if I get too wet?”

Lola: Vagina concerns! OK, here we go: Vaginas are leaky, all day, every day. By “too wet,” are you thinking about ejaculation? You can be honest with us. Or are you worried that you’re gonna pee during sex? For the first thing, ejaculation (for anyone of any gender) doesn’t usually happen without an orgasm, and an orgasm is a joyful thing, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are theories that UTIs can be caused when people with vaginas don’t let themselves ejaculate, so there’s a health angle here too. For the second concern, just pee before sex. (Health angle: Pee right after intercourse, too—it can help prevent UTIs and other infections.)

Krista: I used to worry about not being wet enough when I was having sex with people, thinking they would take my being relatively dry as a sign of not being turned on by them. If you are seriously concerned about it, try squirting a little water-based lube into your hand and smearing it into and around your vagina; it’ll help things glide more easily and stop you from worrying. Lube feels great, and I’ve never had someone wonder why I wanted to use it.

“What if I smell bad?”

Krista: If your partner wants to have sex with you, it is almost guaranteed that they will like the way you smell. When I first started to have sex, I nervously asked my boyfriend how I smelled “down there.” He stared at me, and then said, “You smell fantastic, what do you mean?” I said, “I think my crotch smells really sweaty and weird, how can you like that?” and he laughed and said, “It smells like sex. That’s why I like it—it turns me on.” If you are washing yourself on a regular basis and you don’t have any infections, your crotch will smell like…your particular crotch. And someone you’re sleeping with is going to be very, very into that.

Lola: If a vagina smells very fishy, or has a strong odor of any kind, it might be a symptom of a totally treatable infection like bacterial vaginosis or yeast. But! There is a huge range of smells that are normal. Almost nobody smells “bad,” but almost everyone thinks they do.

hey judy, beyond the fact that krista and i are both humongous dykes we are really concerned about including everybody for this article. i personally scanned it five or six times trying to remove gendered language and assumptions about anyone’s gender or who they might be partnering with (or how), but it’s not always easy to catch stuff, so thank you for calling it out.

i’m a gyno, and even though i work with trans/gnc individuals, most of my patients are cis women. i tried to correct this experience bias as best as i could, but should have reached further to individuals that could speak to a trans female experience, because i want all girls to feel included. it’s true that the examples we used are all cishet couplings; i want to say that that was totally unintentional, but also that it was unintended is not meant to be an excuse. krista and i couldn’t think of anything specifically scary re: going down on a vulva, beyond mouths getting tired or possibly period sex, so that’s why there are no specific questions that address that specifically. i know that non-exclusion is not inclusion, and i apologize. i will work extra-hard to find examples that address a range of experience.

if you are willing to let me know what else i can address, or just want to keep talking, i am really really grateful to keep up a dialogue cos that’s how i get better: lolapellegrino@gmail.com.

the first time i came, i burst into laughter. my girlfriend was going down on me and suddenly i had to ask her to stop because i was laughing really hard and it was difficult for me to be still in bed. at first she just looked at me with a very weird look on her face and kept asking if she had done something wrong, but then she realized how weird that moment was and started laughing with me. i swear i laughed so hard i even cried a little hit lol later i explained to her that i started laughing because i had been hit by a huge “wave of emotions” and didnt know how to deal with it. she completely understood and now it’s kind of an inside joke between us :)

ohh yeah i’ve thrown up on my bf while giving him a blow job, coz i was drunk. i thought he might no notice the huge pool of puke all over him and the sheets go i kept going (drunk chicken). he literally stopped me, saying “erm i think you’ve thrown up a bit’ and went to the shower. we’ve changed the sheets. sooo embarrassing. but we’re together, and pretty much had all the moments from the article (apart from the shit one haha). dont even know who else would’ve dtayed with me after that, only him <3

Omg Krista you’re my favourite. Seriously. I don’t think I’ll ever be embarrassed about anything ever in my life. Thank you so much.
Also, I loved the article, but maybe there could have been some material on shaving, perhaps? It’s the only thing I kinda missed.

I used to be so nervy about pubez. I hate shaving ‘down there’ or any hair removal, but was worried my boyfriend would think it was gross/wouldn’t want to go down on me, mainly because I wouldn’t want to go down on me!

Except usually your boyfriend would’ve touched you ‘below’ before he goes down on you, and so pubes wouldn’t be a surprise, and then also there’s the whole ‘this person trusts me and is letting me pleasure them and returning it and woah sexy times with this amazing babe’ aspect that is pretty much ALL your sex partner is thinking at the time.

loved the article (and the shit story will forever be a classic), however, i’m surprised that on the note of orgasms – in the blow job part of the piece – that the option of having your partner come on you wasn’t included too? it is something that i do with my own boyfriend quite regularly, and i guess it is seen as more of a porn stereotype (which it shouldn’t be at all), so it was a bit of a shame not to see it added to the other options.

Ahhh the other day I was makin’ out with this guy shirtless and all, and my boob kinda farted against his chest (I know, what?)…. Oh lordy, I’m still not over it. We kept making out after laughing for a bit, but he stopped laughing and I didn’t… Worst thing ever.

I’m so super happy that my secret sex questions were answered. I mean, no one wants to talk about these kinds of things, since it’s kind of deemed as wrong by society(ha ha), but it’s great that people now have a guide to the parts of sex that people might be…ashamed of or confused about. I was confused about fluids and stuff like that, but thankfully, I now know more about sex than I did before reading this! Yay!

While I was reading Krista story I was so concerned about her situation, I was like “Wow, Krista… that must be really a lot to clean up” And then I read: “Jonathan, there’s something I need to tell you. Last night…you peed the bed”

Krista, that was probably one of the best and and the most entertaining things I’ve ever read! Could not stop shrieking with laughter, thank you for bringing this brilliant story into my life!! The best part is that you can actually write about it, damn girl!!

THANK you for this, me and my best friend have literally been screaming in anxiety over situations similar to these, and now I feel so much better oh my lord
ALSO KRISTA your story made me choke on my spit and fall off of my bed…
My parents think I’m doing AP homework so I wonder what they are thinking

such a perfect article! a few months ago i was kinda drunk and gave this guy a blow job at a party… we were in a bathroom and i ended up throwing up a little in the toilet, but it didn’t really seem like he noticed so i kept going …… when we left he like turned on the lights and looked in the toilet and i wasn’t sure if he saw anything but i was soooo embarrassed and i spent ages googling it to see if it had ever happened to anyone before so thank you for bringing it up!

The poop story was one of the most horrifying things I have ever read. I have the greatest admiration for you, Krista. I don’t even have words I feel like you have experienced actual hell. AND YOU TELL THE TALE. GOD BLESS YOU.

I’m a virgin, but omg thank you for this. I always think “Wait what if I end up peeing when I have sex?” That was like my worst nightmare. But I might as well accept the fact that weird things will happen; that way I can wholeheartedly enjoy the moment when it happens.

I have a question; what if I went down on a guy and his penis did smell like sweat(It did make me gag) I also work with him and at work he smells bad too.
Is there ever a good way to sutbly tell him he smells??

I’m not Krista or Lola, but I think the best thing to do is to spin it in a positive way, like “I love going down on you when you’re straight out of the shower.” OR, right before you guys get down, invite him to take a sexy shower with you. If you know him really, really well, though, you can just tell him straight-up, IMO.

I remember an ex of mine and I were having anal sex and part of the way through I accidently got a little poo on his penis. He told me, we went to his bathroom and both cleaned up then watched some TV.

I was pretty embarrassed when it happened but he made me feel better and reassured me it was no big deal. He wasn’t a great guy in a lot of respects, (hence the ‘ex’ part) but I have to give him props for being cool about all that.

Now its just a funny story I tell to friends about the time I pooped on my ex.

Speaking of funny stories, the taco diarrhea on boyfriend story had me crying!

Wonderful article! Thanks for such great information about things sex-related!

However, in response to some first-page-sex-descriptions: I would caution against using the word “Perfect” in relation to sex. But if you do want to call it perfect, it can still (and probably will) be messy, liquidy, embarrassing sex.

this post made me so happy!
a little ‘lived to bone another day’ anecdote of my own: a while back my boyfriend was going down and me and i was having a great time when out of nowhere i farted. i literally farted on his chin, it was AWFUL and we both sort of laughed and didn’t finish having sex and it was stupendously awkward for about 45 minutes and then i cried cos he’d made me feel so stupid and embarrassed about it. he apologised but i really wish i’d just laughed about it properly instead!

I threw up on my most recent ex the first time I went down on him… He started really thrusting and I have a reeeeally sensitive gag reflex (recovered bulimic, sometimes just swallowing food makes me throw up) he laughed it off and apologised for going too fast. It really facilitated us talking about my ED.
Moral of the story- bulimia will ruin your gag reflex.

What a perfect article! I lost my ‘virginity’ a year ago- at 22 I still worry and wonder if I’m doing it right and this has reassured me the only right way is what feels comfortable for me at the end of the day.

Maybe someone already has, but I wanted to add another option for the “giving head – where should they come?” conundrum!

My partner loves to come on my chest. It’s like coming in your mouth in that it’s all sexy eyes as you look up at them, but no load of penis juice in your mouth! Then they get to clean you off which has a very loving, kitteny affection to it. All in all, a great option@

if you ever feel like you make weird sounds when you come, know that i once accidentally started rapping the chorus of “cyclone” by baby bash. my girlfriend can testify to this. it was a frightening experience for all involved.

i need help! it’s been two years that this has been tormenting me now. my boyfriend and i love each other so much and have this really ridiculously amazing relationship that is flawfree except for one thing: porn. i know that as soon as i leave the house, he gets on hardcore sites and looks at hella porn. on his tumblr, he only follows girls who always post themselves naked, and on instagram, those girls posting nearly naked selfies and super sexual shit. am i crazy to be jealous and annoyed? i bring it up passively and he never quite addresses it. i am in my early twenties, i’m smart, and pretty. we have a great sex life and i’m constantly horny, always wanting to have sex … so it’s not like he has to turn to porn to get fulfilled. i’m insanely jealous and i can’t talk to anyone about this in person because it’s too embarrassing for me to admit it. this is the only place i know to go and i really need help. it’s eating away at me and really affects my self-confidence and perception of myself. help! why is he doing this? is there any way to fix this? i hate constantly having to deal with this but i have a feeling it’s something that will never change and that depresses me endlessly :(((

OK, you didn’t ask for specifically my advice, and I’m not an expert or anything, but I’m old, which at least counts for experience points, right? So here is what I have to say, which you can feel free to disagree with or ignore!

It has nothing to do with how desirable you are or how much he likes you. Porn is, plain and simple, a masturbation aid; I’m assuming you are much more than that to your boyfriend, and so should you. Think of it like a sex toy—would you be upset/jealous if he used one of those when masturbating? If he’s anything like 90% of guys, he’s not comparing you to the women in the videos, and he’s not wishing he could date one of them. He’s just using those visual images to get off when you’re not around.

That said, how do you know that he visits hardcore sites and racy Tumblrs as soon as you leave the house? Is he leaving his browser open for you to see when you get back? Or is he telling you about the porn he watches? If so, he needs to be more considerate! Tell him you know he watches porn, but that you don’t want to have to think about it, so he’s gotta get better at covering his tracks.

anaheed, oh thank you so much for responding. i appreciate it more than you know. this is slightly mortifying to be admitting such things. i’m insanely private and can’t talk to anyone about this in person. yeah, i know … i mean i watch porn too. it’s more of a matter of “why does he need to be archiving and searching for ‘anal gape’ AS SOON AS I LEAVE” lol. when i get on his computer for something i see all of that and his modelmayhem searches and whatnot. mainly i suppose it’s the fact that he’s following the girls who post ridiculously revealing photos of themselves on instagram when he has me and i send him nudes and go down on him all the time haha. you know what i mean? i can’t help but have self confidence issues. i guess the only solution is to realize that i need to get over it and it’s something that’ll never change. his sexuality and desire to look at other girls has nothing to do with me, it’s unrelated? it’s a fact of life? sigh.

Can you tell him that it makes you feel weird to accidentally see his favorite search terms and ask him to erase his search history when you’re coming over? Also, stop looking at his Instagram feed! No reason to seek out something that you know is gonna make you feel bad, right?

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