Younger Woman Lures Longtime Man Away

ASK DR. RUTH RUTH WESTHEIMER

July 23, 2000|ASK DR. RUTH RUTH WESTHEIMER

Dear Dr. Ruth: I'm 55 years old. I have known a man for 31 years and lived with him for 28. We have five children together. Recently, he left me and is living with a 24-year-old girl of no decent character. She calls the house and says things I refuse to mention. We are all grieving that he has turned his back on us. He does not visit or call, nor does he help pay for the house. What must I do? I am going crazy.

Dear Reader: It is always devastating when a long-lasting relationship ends. From an emotional point of view, it makes no difference whether you were married or not, and even legally speaking, you certainly were common-law man and wife. If he stayed with you so long, then he did love you, but eventually he was lured away by this younger woman.

Do you require his financial help, or are the kids old enough now that this is not a concern? If you need help, get a lawyer and go after it. But I think it would be better if you could solve some of these issues amicably. This young woman is probably worried that you will try to dip into his finances and so is trying to drive a wedge between him and your family. If getting support is not your intent, you have to let him know and try to get him back into the lives of your children.

Dear Dr. Ruth: I recently lost my virginity at the age of 26. It was very special for me. I met a very nice girl. We connected immediately and it just happened. She lives in another state, so we're not going out regularly.

It has now been more than three weeks since that memorable night, and I have not had the urge to masturbate once. I know it is normal to masturbate, and before I would usually do it about three times a week. What has happened?

Dear Reader: Who declared that you have to masturbate a certain number of times a week or that you should feel badly if you don't? Losing your virginity was special for you, meaning it was emotional. You probably have some feelings for this girl who lives far away, and that is also emotional, and so all these emotions are canceling out your need to masturbate. Don't worry about it.

Ask Dr. Ruth appears every Sunday. Write to Ruth Westheimer, King Features Syndicate, 235 E. 45th St., New York, NY 10017 or leave a message at her Web site, www.drruth.com.