Now that'scriminal justice reform a place like Alabama can get behind.

Think about
it. Alabama is broke. Broker than it was all those other years it told you it
was broke. And prisons are so overcrowded the U.S. Justice Department is poking
around, stirring up fears it'll step in and take over the system.

Again.

So Alabama
lawmakers – led by the pied pipe of Attorney General Luther Strange – are headed
into this year's Legislative session with a grand fix-it plan.

Speed up
trials so the judicial system moves more smoothly? Nope.

Create
alternative sentencing programs so non-violent offenders don't suck up all the coveted
space and precious money in the prisons? Nope.

Decriminalize
marijuana to stop the flood of criminals, or move to regulate and tax dope to pump
up the budget? Yeah right. What kind of Colorado Cookies are you baking?

Oh wait. We
don't do that anymore. Electrocution is so 2002. These days it's select 'em and
inject 'em. Better hope we get it right,
too, 'cause we can't resurrect 'em.

But then,
all's fair in ... justice. Like that North Alabama DA put it, we need to shoot
for the day we can kill 'em as fast as Texas.

Another bill
in Strange's package would make it easier for local cops to listen in on telephone
conversations of private citizens.

The NSA is simply not good
enough, as it turns out. At a time when more Americans shudder about privacy, when
law enforcement over-reaching is fresh in the minds of all who still want to believe
their business is their business, Alabama wants to open the party line.

To Barney Fife.

If this package of laws
passes – when it passes, because it certainly
will -- Alabama cops and sheriffs will be able to use wiretaps in criminal
investigations of homicides, kidnappings, felony drug cases and several sex and
pornography charges.

"We owe it to our law enforcement and
prosecutors to give them the tools they need to be able to fulfill their duty to
protect the people of Alabama and to fight those who would harm us," Strange
said.

It would not,
however allow wiretaps for such things as ... corruption investigations of public officials.

I guess it
won't fight all those who would harm
us.

Law
enforcement officials across Alabama have been overwhelmingly in favor of the
wiretapping bill, which is like saying baseball players are in favor of legalized
PEDs.

That was
certainly the case in Shelby County last week, where members of the Legislative
Delegation heard the approval. But Shelby County Sheriff Chris Curry did have
one complaint he wanted them to address.

He argued
that it's not fair that family members of elected officials are listed on
ethics forms that are posted for all the world to see. They should be redacted
so the public cannot find those relationships.

So the
sheriff should be able to tap your phone.

But you can't
know who his children are.

Even though –
ask the two-year college bandits, if you can find them – it is through family
relationships that ethics violations are often discovered.

We love to
talk tough on crime in this state. But we need to look beyond the labels to see
what that talk really gets us.

We don't
just slap 'em in irons in Alabama. We slap 'em in irony.

John Archibald is a columnist for The
Birmingham News, AL.com and Alabama Media Group. Email him at jarchibald@al.com.

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