O.G. commenter Becca here! In April 2008, when I started commenting on Videogum, folks knew the value of a hard day’s commentin’ and did it for the love of the blog… or some such nonsense. We weren’t yet called monsters and you didn’t have to have an account to chime in. There was no such thing as Facebook Connect or Justin Bieber. There wasn’t even a Monster’s Ball! It was a simpler time. I sent my first tip the same month (an Aciphex [Get it? Ass Effects!] commercial), and though it didn’t get posted, I stuck around because you know what? Some kids don’t even Have Videogum So Be Grateful AND CLEAN YOUR PLATE!

Outside of commenting on Videogum, but still inside of the internet, I’ve written and have been featured on (gasp!) a few other blogs (Gawker.tv, The Awl’s Splitsider, whose forthcoming humor writing section I’ll be editing, The Hairpin, Jezebel, Blogger Blog of Note) and tweet a bunch of gibberish on Twitter. Before you guys think I’m a shameless, opportunistic traitor of the highest order (I totally am), please know that my loyalty to Videogum remains steadfast; I’ve faithfully sent in tips and madevideos in hopes of absolving myself of just such treachery. And I’m sure guest blogging today will do fine in place of a blood oath. If there are any shaman or druids among us, please advise in the comments.

I’m 24, have a gray hair, and live in Chicago where all of our mayoral candidates are horrible (seriously, one grown up candidate called another a grown up candidate a crack head during a debate for grown up constituents), so there’ll probably be a mass exodus soon. Or just a one person exodus. Anybody’s guess who that’ll be.

If you’re still on the fence about today, here’s a trick I read about in How To Be Here To Make Friends and Influence Monsters.

It took me a long time to learn all of those dance moves, so if this thing goes south, I’m prepared to record myself doing them (thanks for the tip, Becca).

And I realize the dance in the video doesn’t work as intended, so let’s rewrite history and get to today’s guest blogging! (tl;dr)