I do not know anything about these vocab terms that you bring up, but what I do know is that everything you said there is so true. It is confusing and it is very gratifying to hear that I am not the only one who wonders what I "was" before. You're right I think. Part of it is maybe it does not really matter who were before anyway so long as whatever we choose to go into is a healthy lifestyle. As a religious man, I don't really know about ethics of it all, but what I do know is that...we really have to have a healthy lifestyle no matter which path we choose. As someone here said, we have to differentiate getting "genuine pleasure" and the "filling of some void" because of our SA. Anyway, I really identified with this post, and I just wanted to thank you for posting it

Thank you so much for resurrecting the discussion and making such great comments and suggestions!!!! – I agree, SIC is an unfortunate choice of words and although I am only slightly self-impressed with the connection with its other definition (I yam what I yam, etc.) I originally wrote this to generate just what I am seeing here –

how about si-confusion?

Anyway, I wrote some more on this about a month ago – decided to post it in honor of all of your thoughtfulness found herein. You guys are GREAT. ….thad

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"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

I have learned that they are tools – always changing as their meaning changes with time and perspective…that they are essentially symbols for something….and that they are most useful when they are transparent (as in being able to see through them to the idea or essence of the thing to which they point) …its when they become fixed and no longer point beyond themselves, that they become obsticals, labels, things that weigh us down, define us and keep us stuck…

My inquiry with SIC was to make the concept of sexual identity confusion more fluid – give it more depth – chart the pitfalls of society's demand for a hardened definition of sexuality identity – and separate it from the symptomatic acts and thoughts which have effected our sexual orientation – Our abuse, our anxiety, our voids that we must fill….

My goal was ultimately that we affirm our present selves….as flawed and confused as it may be….to affirm our sexual selves in what ever state we find ourselves….to look our confusion in the face and know it is not our essential selves – to gain the knowledge that we evolve and will evolve into the recovery of ourselves from the acts of others – the control of others – to gradually reclaim ourselves and to celebrate who we are, who we were and who we are becoming -

peace brothers

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"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

Thanks for your words. Confusion is right.This is a great discussion. And I needed it, I am struggling, hard to be married and be confused. While I work on the abuse issues it triggers the confusion. Someone please respond. I know I am not alone.thanks for you time guys

Just finding my way in life with out hurting too many people.

MJ

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Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark. ***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni*** The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

Hello, Michael and all others who read these posts. CONFUSION is so correct. I have other words for this ongoing problem, but I believe all of you know or have used these words. However, I firmly believe that RAPE of women AND men IS HORRIBLE. But I also believe, it is more difficult for a man to rid himself of the thoughts and feelings of what took place, what happened to him years ago, and more importantly, how does that man try to deal with that problem in todays world. I have and am trying to deal with the past with the help of a therapist. While I worked for some thirty years I thought the past had "gone away." I NEVER THOUGT IT WOULD TAKE SO LONG, and I ask for any new ideas. Thanks, bosishere.

Hi everyone,yes I'm new here and I'm glad I found this place. Thanks to you all for your input.

After reading the post on this topic, the one word that kept popping into my head was "validation" as in "looking for some." I tend to be a literal person, with existentialist overtones (talk about confusion) But, validation has been something I've always sought after. It's a very hard commodity to come by in this brave new world of "personal responsibility" and the demand of many in society to let us all "burn in hell." My abuse went on from the age of 5 to 18. it was physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual. I have no doubt, that I will die from the effects of those experiences as a result of "cause and effect." For me personally, if a term or a word were to be devised to describe this confusion, I doubt it would make much of a difference in my life since it's much to late for me. It might however, make a difference to the many who will come after me, so getting the concrete de>

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