and now I need to do something I really am going to have to struggle to do.

Just over an hour ago, my pastor called to tell me that a friend's 38 year old daughter, who is, or used to be, also a friend, was struck by a car this morning and killed as she walked along a road in Virginia. I have known her and her mother for nearly 30 years, and only have lost touch because she got married and moved to VA from MA.

She has two children, an 11 year old boy, and a daughter who will have her 8th birthday on Monday.

This, of course, comes just 10 months after my neice's 38 year old fiance was killed in a motorcycle accident last July. My neice and "Merri" were friends when they attended Sunday School together as kids. I just don't know what to say...how to tell her.

The anwer about the pastor is no, she called me because I am the lay leader of the church, and she wanted me to know. She has been our pastor for not quite 3 years, and really didn't even know that my neice and Merrie were friends at one time. She did, of course, also need me to help her make phone calls to other church members.

The hardest part is being here in Massachusetts and Merrie and her family are in Virginia. All of her friends here are feeling a little helpless.

I am a little relieved right now though, because my sister, (my neice's mom) feels like she will be able to tell her daughter. I offered to do it, but sis said she will do it.

Oh, God....It feels like it has been one thing after another. First Johnny died, then, in April, Johnny's dog went to be with him, and now Merrie. Even though my neice hasn't been close to Merrie for a long time, I think this is going to be very hard on her.

Thanks, everyone, for listening. This is a great place to come to just let it out and cry. I'm so glad you all are here.

If you're from Virginia, you know it's a southern tradition.My mom used to take some food to the house and say "These are my flowers".

I do the same now.

No one in the family wants to think about eating now, but they must eat.If I learn shortly after the death, I take a deli platter. Something they can make sandwiches with and some bread, mayo, mustard,chips, drinks, paper plates, napkins, EVERYTHING they'll need to put a quick meal together.

If it's later, Miz t. makes a big pot of gumbo, or some other one-dish meal.

be with them, hug them and when it all dies down and they are by themselves again, go then to see them. Its hard when the support goes back to their lives and you are stuck alone in your sorrow.Hugs, honey, to all involved.

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