(Before you get on me for spelling, that was a purposeful play on words- as a shoutout to EmyDi who so kindly gave up her summary writing slot so that I could move up and write this summary.)

At first when I found out I was writing the summary for episode 1, I thought "Great, first episode all the racers will be on their best behavior and I won't have anything good to bash."

Little did I know that I would have a lively pair of Jews, a half fast black team, Mormon sisters, a gay man who is still in the closet and his dumbass girlfriend that can't read, a few pretty pairs of models that are all worthy of bashing, a Geriatric duo that pop a few good one liners, a steroid induced muscle headed pair of rednecks, and a guy who has got to be considered the cream of the crop, top of the heap, A-number one, king of the hill, yellow shirted mental magician super idiotic biggest loudest jerk alive.

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This guy makes Colin look like a saint!

All that being said, nothing is sacred and noone is spared in this non-pc yet pg-13 summary.

We see Phil and behind him is the city of Chicago, gateway to the midwest. Speedboats are racing the teams across Lake Michigan to the starting line. Lets meet the teams:

Can they stand up to the stress of 40,000 miles? We will find out as we begin The Amazing Race. (Cue music)