AGONY IBIS

One of my great passions in life is the humble queue. Whether it be at the bank, the post office, or waiting for a bus, there is nothing quite as equal and orderly as a queue.

Unfortunately, my time at UNSW has been very disappointing in this regard. The 891 “line” at Central resembles more of a moshpit-style, “every (wo)man for themselves”, Lord of the Flies-esque, shamble, with little regard for the noble tradition of the queue. Tell me, Agony Ibis, how can we #MakeThe891QueueGreatAgain?

Kind regards,

Queuein’ Quentin

Dear Quentin,

It’s a dog-eat-dog world we live in, and no amount of hoping and praying for the return of orderly queues will solve the issue of the 891 crowd. Given the dire circumstances, I suggest you purchase a Taser and have it in easy reach when waiting for the 891, enabling you to quickly and mercilessly disarm your 891 line opponents and proceed to the front of the pack.

Tasers are generally only available to police officers, but since they are notorious for using them at any convenient opportunity, I’m sure our pals in the blue uniform wouldn’t have a problem with you Tasering a dozen or so of your peers.

I’m told you can purchase a Taser on the internet from overseas, with delivery in 5-10 working days. With any luck, an 891 bus may turn up in that same 5-10 day period too!