Last week, the always-truthful British literary periodical known as The Sun said that Bond producer Barbara Broccoli and the head bitches at Sony came up with a short list of actors who could possibly replace STAINS eyeball twin Daniel Craig if he really decides to hang up his tux for good. Idris Elba, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Fassbender, Luke Evans, Aidan Turner, Charlie Hunnam, James Norton and Billy Elliot were all on that short list, according to The Sun. But well, the always-truthful American literary periodical known as Radar claims that the head bitches at Sony aren’t even thinking about touching that short list and are instead sending dump trucks full of gold bars to Daniel Craig’s house, because they really, really want him back. Those around Tom Hiddleston better brace their eardrums, because I have a feeling that the internal scream he’s been holding in for months is going to come shooting out of his mouth when he finds out that he dad-danced at a Selena Gomez concert and played patty cake with Taylor Swift’s cats for NOTHING!

Sony has reportedly offered to drop a category 5 hurricane of hundred dollar bills on Daniel if he signs up for two more Bond movies. Some source said that Daniel Craig will be $150 million richer if he takes the offer.

“The studio is desperate to secure the actor’s services while they phase in a younger long-term successor. Daniel’s the key for a seamless, safe transition as far as Sony and Bond bosses are concerned, and they’re prepared to pay a king’s ransom to make it happen.

Then they will shoot two more films, which will be made virtually back-to-back, preferably featuring Daniel as 007 before he passes the figurative baton to someone else for a third movie that will mark the start of the new era.”

$150 million is an insane amount of money and the only actor who deserves that kind of cash is Gina Gershon for a real sequel to Showgirls. But the last two Bond movies did make a total of almost $2 billion worldwide.

Sony supposedly offered Daniel Craig $100 million for two movies a few months ago and he turned it down. He also once said that he’d rather slit his wrists than play Bond again, but maybe, an extra $50 million will make him push the razor to the side. If it’s true that Sony is as hard up for Daniel Craig as I am for a cherry and cream cheese Bagel-ful (no, I am not pregnant), then he should make those hos work for it hard. He should tell the execs at Sony that to prove their devotion to him and to show how desperate they really are, they need to wear an “I Heart DC” tank top while splashing around in the ocean for the paps. And if they do that, he maaaay think about it.

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