iVoice: Rape is a Word That Has Been Thrown at Me Since the Day I was Born

Shwetha Nair is the Editor of iDiva.com. She loves words and is on a mission to save the world from misplaced headlines! She can be pacified with a soufflé anytime and is occasionally accused of ODing on the exclamation mark. A closet TV addict, you'll find her attached to a remote when she is not battling between her stubborn cynicism and resilient optimism. She lurks the world wide web 24*7 and her dying wish is to be buried in a book.

Image courtesy: BCCL

Rape is a four letter word that has been thrown at me since the day I was born.

I have been told repeatedly not to wear certain clothes so as to not be labelled "loose" or fall prey to "wrong ways". I have been told not to stay out at night. I have been told that I have to stay within "limits" (whatever that meant) for "I had much more to lose compared to boys." I have been called names for having exercised my right to protest.I have been told "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not to be victimised".I have been made to feel ashamed for being sexual.Even after adhering to most of these shackles laid on me, I have been: brushed against on the bus;passed lewd comments on, on the road; whistled at from a passing car, leered at from bikes;and even threatened to be masturbated at; that too in a ladies compartment of a Mumbai local... and almost all of these occured when I was wearing a churidhar.

Worse yet, I have heard innumerable horror stories from girl friends about abuse by family members, let alone strangers. And over the years, all of these I have taken for granted and quietly learned to live with. Why? Because the few times I did raise a voice or make an issue it was made more embarrassing for me than the perpetrator.

Every woman I know in Mumbai (the so-called safe city for women) or someplace in India have faced sexual assault in some form or the other.

I don't need a curfew to make myself feel safe and secure.I don't need policemen to tell me that I should be at home at night rather than out with friends.I don't need lip service or veiled apologies from politicians.I don't need Bollywood to take up my cause.I don't need a special session of parliament; or special laws for my protection.

And I surely don't want the "special" status accorded to me. Neither do I want to demand tokenisms like a 21 gun salute or the Indian tricolour at half mast for the Delhi gang rape victim. There have been several unsung, brave Nirbhayas, Daminis who we have never heard of but have fought valiantly against their abusers. I don't need to be selective in my support. I just want women to be treated as human beings and not objects and that is the only way we can honour the victim's death and the countless other women who have been wronged in India. No amount of legislation and policy implementation in the police force can change the space I as a woman live in, unless there is a change in mindset. Without making men RESPECT women at the grassroot level, in our familes, in our schools, in our temples, churches, at society gatherings, weddings, celebrations, we cannot expect women to be treated on par.

Sexual abuse today isn't about what we as women choose to wear. How else can you explain a 3-year-old girl being raped? Was she too provactively dressed for her age? Is that even a question that should spring to our minds?

Sexual abuse is not even about the damn sex. It's sadly about the power the man has over the woman. Worse still, it is used as an excuse to rationalise such repulsive and shocking behaviour, endorsing misogyny and often creating a scenario where the victim is blamed rather than the perpetrator.

I as a woman am tired of being abused; being judged for my sexuality and being afraid about going about my life.

There needs to be meaningful dialogue and that can only happen if we do something about it ourselves. Let's not sit and react as victims, but do something ourselves to affect change.

Let's unite to end violence against women and chidren. Join me in pledging your support. We at iDiva.com are committed to hearing every woman's voice and story. Leave a comment and let me know how we can help you.

Better yet, come to the 1 Billion Rising Youth Rally to be held on January 5th in Mumbai, to make a unified statement about sexual assault and women’s rights and demand respect for all.

Or simply leave a comment on our Facebook Page, where hundreds of conversations are taking place.

UNiTE - To End Violence Against Women and Children! iDiva.com joins hands with 1 Billion Rising - India 2013, a global initiative to create awareness about violence against women and children. Join us as we raise our voices against violence with informative features, news and issue-based stories; pledge your support on our website. Together we can make a difference!