I realize on the one hand that these guys cannot win. If it’s not Julie Bowen’s sternum being investigated for pacemaker scars, it’s Ariel Winter’s delicate child-flesh too much on display, or Sofia Vergara’s …I don’t know… body bows being thrown all over the carpet and tripping people up. Putting aside that those are all women, people love to find fault when you’re the ones on top.

But – did they really think that was cute, the schlocky number they all did up at the front? I don’t know who came up with it, but, given what I know about actors, I’m sure they wrote it themselves and are very proud of that fact.

Which is so ANNOYING. Because these guys ARE a cohesive, believable unit. They do a great job making the Pritchards and their families come to life – not just in their current forms, but evoking who they must have been 20 years ago. That’s great.

Why then do you make us like you less by having an 11 year old hammily take issue with a line he’s never heard and that hasn’t been used in earnest in years? This is cute somehow? This is supposed to show us what a great ensemble you are?

No. And while you’re at it, someone talk to Rico Rodriguez about what’s going to happen next year when he needs to shave.

I will miss these guys at the Oscars, though. Their dorkiness is such a welcome respite from all the serious endeavor going on. It’s always nice to have well-dressed people around for whom the stakes are low.