It is grey outside, sometimes we are even grey ourselves. We seem to forget that we are alive.

Children, when well cared, light up, shine around, have this little thing that transmits warmth all around, that makes you smile without wanting, that makes adults who normally would ignore themselves on the train, end up sharing caramels…

We can all light up and shine.

Try this – a former colleague of mine taught me this tip to connect with others and light them up. He would look at each of them direct in the eyes and smile, and not change the looks until they answered with a gesture….I still do this during my training days and it is so powerful.

Why? Do you light up? Do you actually allow yourself to light up and shine? When and why? What do you do to light up your life?

Do it! It is when you are really yourself and connect with the world. And it is warm and nice just like this song with incredible voices!

In the past, when you did not really know what to do with your hands or when you were bored meaning most of the time waiting, you had your cigarettes, well now, every single moment we don’t have anything to do, we pull out our phones…and we scroll, look at photos, read…but we always do. I have to confess I am often one of them and that is why I wrote this article Forget your smartphones at home some months ago because I think we are losing our freedom with so many screens around there.

Well, if you have not been bored today, your creativity is at stake. This is what an interesting project called Bored and Brilliant: the Lost art of Spacing Out is saying. It explores the impact of being bored at work on creativity inside or outside work. What is clear is that it is very much linked to limiting the number of technological stimulations. And of course it applies to kids and adults.

I love this project because you have daily challenges regarding your use of technology such as:

Don’t take photos: see your world through your eyes not your screen!

Keep your phone in your pockets

So, get ready, get bored, you will reconnect with yourself and the world. It is actually incredible to look at people and observe the buildings rather than fixing your mobile…isn’t it? It is called Phone Freedom and Time for creativity!

Are you one of those persons that get stressed about remembering last’s year 14th of February gift failure? Or do you just ignore this type of dates as you do with birthdays because you don’t like buying gifts? Have you been taking note about things that your partner like along the year and even do your gifts yourself or do you tend to simply go one afternoon and buy the shirt or pyjamas you find appropriate?

San Valentine is around the corner, everything starts to turn pink, and whether you like/celebrate it or not, love is in the air! How to make this day and our entire relationship a true happy ongoing experience?

Well, Love is always THE answer…Indeed, whether we recognize it openly or not, or are conscious about it, we are all seeking recognition at home, at work, in our friend’s circles….everywhere. Recognition is what moves the world. And there are so many ways of showing love to others.

But love requires effort: Love often requires learning a language you have never spoken.

As Gary Chapman in his highly recommendable book “the 5 Love Languages” states: “Love is not simply a feeling. It is a way of thinking, a way of behaving”. And what you give is often what you crave.

Out of the five fundamental languages, each of us has a primary love language. It is the one that speaks most deeply to us emotionally. And if you don’t speak the primary language of love of your partner, he/she might feel out of love and vice versa.

Words of affirmation is about expressing sincere gratitude for some acts of service rendered, using compliments, expressions of appreciation, like “you are the best husband in the world”. So, how freely do you express words of affirmation yourself? How much did you receive from your parents?

Gifts . This is one of the fundamental universal and actually easiest love language to learn! Bringing flowers, leaving notes or buying tokens of affection. It does not work if it is an effort to cover past failures!

Acts of service. Doing something for your partner you know he or she would like you to do, like washing dishes, walking the dog or changing diaper. Let’s not confuse service and slavery: if it is done out of fear, guilt or resentment, it is closer to slavery. Action speaks louder than words.

Quality time. Giving your partner your undivided attention by turning off tv, sharing a meal or taking a walk together are quality time and it is all very much linked to active listening.

Quite some days have passed since the attacks against Charlie Hebdo. Some days before, my grandma passed away. Both disturbing events and related to death but with a big difference: my grandmother’s death is logical because of her age, when Charlie Hebdo is not. I have needed all those days (and of course will need more) to assimilate the effect they had on me. Only now do I feel able to write something about it.

The terrorist attacks made me feel both part of the fight for freedom but at the same time, not. Why? Because it made the freedom I am seeking here for TFMP so insubstantial compared to the freedom of expression and the danger that Fundamentalism is to freedom in general. And of course, being French and thinking about how politicians have been handling immigration and fundamentalism in France over the last years, I can only but feel concerned by it.

And then, as each time such a slaughter happens, I start asking myself what it takes for someone to kill for his/her beliefs. I hereby include killings such as those in colleges as well. What is it that makes a person get into sects or join jihadists? There must be something in common.

There are so many explications, political influences and theories, sociological and even anthropological but not that many comments are made on the type of emotional links terrorists have. I am not talking about taking away responsibility from the terrorists, don’t get me wrong. But What type of identity is the reference for those who kill others like this? How did they grow up? What type of relationship did they develop with their surroundings? What love and caring did they experience? What do they have in common that make them preys of such groups?

As far as I am concerned, clearly there is a point behind these questions and this is what most impacted me: the quality of the relationships with our kids. I have a responsibility: it is not only for me to teach them to be tolerant and respectful of others, but really it is about helping them to be strong enough not to turn themselves into victims of fanatism or simply seeking extreme references because they lack their own.And in order to do that, I want to be in the present, with them, spend a lot of my time in order to cultivate this. I know it is quite late in January to share this and this is MY 2015 resolution: being there because emotional bonds are all what really matters.

2014 closes on a very sad note: saying Goodbye to my dear grandmother.

I am so proud of her and she was a model of freedom in many ways. Remember this post? My grand mother. It is never easy to say goodbye…

Though it leaves me with a lot of tears, I can only say Thank You for so many moments over 2014. Even if sometimes I really felt like a Cactus , 2014 has been a complete year meeting my objectives of Fighting Emptiness

I am thankful for being surrounded by so many great authentic persons and accepting each day more to be a real mum.

2015 will start with a new image for The FreeMe Project. Let it go and let’s celebrate Life, Love, Health and Humor. Thanks for being here and I wish you the best for 2015!

I love gathering with people but I hate small talks. There is nothing more frustrating for me than spending time with other persons and having the feeling that after 3 hours, I have not shared anything substantial about our lives.

Because Christmas is the typical moment in the year, we gather with cousins, aunts we have not seen for a while, and because it is a moment we ought to be awesome, I suggest we work on how to make it authentic and powerful in terms of sharing and not only because we exchange gifts or eat an awful lot.

The first key way to turning small talk into real smart conversation is using open ended questions. There are many questions we can use Instead of the standard “so, how are you doing?” question, which most of us (99%) usually answer with “really good thanks” and not much more. Here is a bunch of questions suitable for a family gathering: What were the best moments of your 2014? What would you rather forget?How has been your job over those last week before Christmas? What is new in your life? Which event has been the most important for you this year?

2. Have a genuine interest in others (listen) and think about what you would like to know beforehand. I can understand that for some of us, Christmas and New Year’s Eve gatherings are not really desired moments and let’s make the most out of them. If we ask something to someone, the first rule is to be really interested (otherwise, don’t do it because the effect can be worse if you ask and don’t listen to the answer). Prepare yourself beforehand thinking about the last exchanges you had with the persons you are meeting and what you would like to hear as updates from them.

3. Break the mirrors, and the rules. There is a very normal phenomenon that appears in society which is called “mirroring”. Because we try to be polite, we tend to answer people’s questions directly, repeat their observations, or just blandly agree with whatever they say. This is the best ally to small talks and the worst enemy to interesting conversations. My husband is great at doing this: surprising the other with an unexpected or humorous comment, asking a very deep question in a very light moment. Dare to break the social norm, be yourself, take the conversation to a different level and above all, do not speak only about yourself!

“Stand straight, look up!” I still remember my father repeating this to me constantly…I have to confess that I was fed up with his comments but today I can’t be more convinced about the importance of our body language for our personal impact and communication in general.

How do you usually stand? Look at your shoulders, your chin? How do you sit on your chair? How do you stand whilst presenting in front of an audience? What is your usual comfort posture?

It is key to be conscious about the kind of influence we can provoke in others, through our non verbal communication! If we want to be seen as an enthusiastic person, we usually know that smiling and talking with an energetic tone of voice will help to be seen as such. But do we do it? Are we conscious of what we can be missing out just by turning our eyes around instead of looking at the other in the eyes and standing straight on our legs without moving?

So, it is clear that our body language communicates a lot and that, indeed, our minds change our bodies. Think about how you walk when you are worried by something. I am sometimes very aware that I look like the Hunchback of Notre dame and consciously start to stretch in order to relax but also communicate a different message to the people around me.

But did you know that recent studies show that our body language not only influences the way people see us but also influences how we think and feel about ourselves?

Our minds change our bodies but our bodies also change our minds.

This is what Amy Cuddy explains in her excellent video that you can watch later on.

So, if we want to feel powerful, we can prompt it by using simple power poses. Nice isn’t it?

So, yes, Dad, you were right:

“Stand straight…when you need to show self-esteem or actually when you are lacking it in order to regain it!

Stand straight and especially watch your eye contact. When you want people to trust you and recover trust in yourself!

Stand straight and don’t sit down whilst in the waiting room at a client meeting, you won’t feel small whey they come to pick up but rather at the same level!

Stand straight and look up, to enjoy those little things that are around us

Stand straight to take away the burden out of your shoulders and face life in a positive manner!