Colors

How utterly different would life be if humans were made of different colours. Each a different shade. And a change in their colour had a specific meaning attached to it.

One would turn a light lavender while meditating, blood red when angry, a tinge of indigo with the purest beige when shy and shiny white while making love.

And let’s say that once two souls mate for life, they acquire the exact same shade which would never change.

Let death give people time by turning them into a rust, one hair at a time, so that they have enough days to realise it’s not long to live and pursue their hobbies, tell their loved ones how beautiful they’ve made their lives and explore things that their hearts desire.

Let murderers, rapists, terrorists go all black when performing crimes and remain that way forever so that the world could acknowledge their sins which could no more be hidden.

Let a woman turn into the purest gold while giving birth. Let lovers temporarily turn into an orange, like the sky in autumn so that the world can appreciate the beauty in their relationship not based on gender or caste.

And when things fall apart for these lovers, let their beautiful shade fade away like the autumn clouds…

Yes and no. Yes the sun is shining in the midst of a blizzard storm. Few days ago a bomb exploded in our airport and two more in a train station and metro. Several got killed. Yesterday 450 hooligans disturbed an otherwise peaceful demonstration in honor of the victims. They hurt people and destroyed flowers and candles offering. There is more. But it’s enough info for now.

At this very moment we’re busy looking for means to get out of here even for a time. It is a big decision and crucial but I don’t want to go out the door and see convoy or shop in a mall with military escorts or pass by a bus station and see someone being shot in front of my eyes. Europe is becoming a danger zone.

Even had few interviews already. I talked to the HR of Singapore this morning and last week in NZ. They want us to come right away but duties only allow us to jump over by September the earliest. Singapore wants us in Hongkong and I can’t imagine myself there.

I hope you get to the place you want to go. Things are changing so fast and if we don’t get a handle on it, no matter where you go, it won’t be safe! …..humans made of different colors..sounds like something we could use right now!

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THE PAINT IN CHURCHES GETS WORN AWAY QUICKER THAN IN OTHER BUILDINGS. I THINK IT’S THE FRICTION OF THE SOULS. THEY GRIND THEMSELVES AGAINST THE CEILINGS AND WALLS.

IF I COULD REACH FOR SOMETHING BRILLIANT, THAT WOULD BE THE HOME WHICH BEEN DENIED TO ME AND THE PRESENCE OF THE PEACE I'VE NEVER KNOWN...

Why I write

I write to exorcise some ghosts (there are plenty) to make peace with my past, to keep sane, to let skeletons out the closet and occasionally let them dance naked, to vent. I write because I don’t know any better.

Healology

“Growing up, I always had a soldier mentality. As a kid I wanted to be a soldier, a fighter pilot, a covert agent, professions that require a great deal of bravery and risk and putting oneself in grave danger in order to complete the mission. Even though I did not become all those things, and unless my predisposition, in its youngest years, already had me leaning towards them, the interest that was there still shaped my philosophies. To this day I honor risk and sacrifice for the good of others – my views on life and love are heavily influenced by this.”

― Criss Jami

Musing

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

“I have this strange feeling that I’m not myself anymore. It’s hard to put into words, but I guess it’s like I was fast asleep, and someone came, disassembled me, and hurriedly put me back together again. That sort of feeling.”

- Haruki Murakami

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

what are you afraid of?

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The art of dancing

Kindred Spirits

Introversion

“...I also believe that introversion is my greatest strength. I have such a strong inner life that I’m never bored and only occasionally lonely. No matter what mayhem is happening around me, I know I can always turn inward.”

what i’ve been doing…

We were born to be free, to expand our horizons by going where we have never gone before, and not to hang out in the relative comfort and safety of the nest, the known. There is a place within us that is courageous beyond our human understanding; it yearns to explore beyond the boundaries of our daily life.

- Dennis Merritt Jones

Once I had started my solitude, I realized anew that it was easy for me to become accustomed to this state and that the most effortless existence for me was in fact in one in which I was not obliged to speak to anyone. My fretful attitude to life left me. Each dead day had its charm.

- Yukio Mishima

It well may be,
That we will never meet again,
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me,
Is made of what I learned from you.
You’ll be with me,
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine,
By being part of my life…

I'm Michelle. This is my blog. I write about women and fatness, expound upon semi-coherent thoughts I have in the middle of the night, and offer tough love to those in whom I am disappointed; they are legion.