Waking Up to Success

Do you find you’re really good at setting goals but not always so good at accomplishing them? I see it all the time. People are driven and ambitious but they often struggle because they're focused on the wrong things. I saw a demonstration years ago and it stuck with me. Try it for yourself.

Stick your hand straight out in front of you and put your index finger (opposite hand) about 6 inches in front of your nose. Now focus on your finger, and what do you notice about your hand? It goes all blurry. Now focus on your hand, and what do you notice about your finger? It’s all fuzzy, it almost disappears.

Here's the metaphor: your hand is the goal, your finger the obstacle. When you focus on the obstacle, your goal is all fuzzy, but when you focus on the goal, the obstacles seem to vanish.

Obviously, to accomplish anything we're going to have to address and overcome some challenges along the way, but too often we put all of our attention on the reasons why doing something will be hard. And we can talk for hours about all the time, the money, the energy that we don't have. It can be so discouraging that we don't even bother trying.

Whether you're trying to complete a simple project or change the way that you live, focus on what matters most and clarify your vision of success. Focus on the goal, not the obstacle, and you’ll be better able to overcome whatever is holding you back.

They say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but be honest: You don’t believe it!

It seems like almost everyone is out to make a little more money, buy a new this or that, and save a few bucks where we can. With all the attention we put on it, money must have SOMETHING to do with happiness, right?

Right! Having not enough money can prevent happiness. But having enough money (or even having lots of it) doesn’t guarantee you get the happiness you’re seeking. It turns out, if happiness is the goal, there are right and wrong ways to spend your money!

For instance - do you get more happiness by spending money on yourself or spending it on other people?

The answer is surprising!

I recently came across a TED Talk called “How to Buy Happiness” where speaker Michael Norton did an experiment of anti-social vs. pro-social spending (spending money on yourself vs spending it on others). He gave Canadian university students varying amounts of cash and told them which way to spend it, measuring their happiness levels afterward. He did a mirror experiment in Uganda and despite some cultural differences in its application, the results were universal: Spending on other people does indeed make you happier!

Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you have to donate millions to charity to feel good. They found the effect didn’t change much with the amount you spent, so little amounts have great happiness effects too!

For example, spending $5.00 on a coffee for a friend (or even a stranger) actually makes you happier than saving every penny for yourself. My wife says that one of her favourite gifts was a Starbucks card I gave her because every time she goes she feels like I'm buying her the coffee. I feel great because with no effort at all I have given her something she enjoys! Add that to the coffee’s effect on her happiness, and it’s a great start to the day!

And it’s not that people are unhappy buying a coffee for themselves, but they are less happy than when they are thinking of doing something nice for someone else.

So - nice effect, but does it matter? Turns out it does!Norton’s experiment was also applied to sports teams where he found that pro-social teams were also happier. Sweetly, some decided to pool their money together and buy something fun for the whole team, rather than spend their money on an individual teammate as instructed. I think their experience emphasized the core of what a team really is - working together, looking out for your comrades, defending one another, and putting your ego aside to do what’s best for the group. Moreover, their happiness level was positively correlated to their on-field performance too! Think about what affect this could have on your own teams - your family, coworkers, and friends. How much better could work be when everyone is in good spirits because of a small gesture with a few dollars?And what if “money” is just a symbol for “love” or “attention” or “energy”? Consider days when you’re feeling blue and want to treat yourself. Try this next time: Treat a friend! Use the excuse to reach out to someone in your inner circle! You’ll get a bigger happiness boost, and probably enjoy the social time too!

​Norton’s overall message is summed up this way: “If you think money can’t buy happiness, you’re not spending it right.”

So that’s the research - spending money on others feels good. But I’m curious on your thoughts! Feel free to comment on the purchases that have made you feel the best!

With the twin-prep task list complete, Kathleen spent one full day with nothing to do.

“Why don’t you just let yourself be bored for a while?” Joel asked. “I hear it’s an amazing feeling!”

The gene for boredom was long-ago extinct in the Hilchey DNA, so the twins instinctively set about adding some new projects to the list. Not wanting mom to spend even one more full night being bored, they broke the water at 11pm.

Kathleen, who had just climbed into fresh bedsheets, moving with the reflexes of a cat and all the agility of a dancing goat, miraculously left the sheets fully suitable for the houseguests who were destined to follow.

By 2:15am, the induction was started, and by 1:30pm she was fully dilated. By shortly after 3pm, it was time to head to the Operating Room for the delivery. While everyone hoped there would be no actual operation, it’s standard procedure at McMaster to deliver twins in the O.R., just in case.

It was a real cocktail party in there, and apparently everyone got an invitation: The obstetrician, the OB Resident, the OB student, the midwife and midwife resident, the anesthesiologist, two “Neo-natal” teams of 3 (a team of a pediatrician, nurse, and respirologist for each baby), a nurse for Kath and, we think, 3 other roaming nurses, and another random student observer rounded out the professionals. Although we didn’t see him personally, we think we heard someone selling popcorn and beer. Kathleen and I brought the total count to 19, but the real guests of honour were yet to arrive. As Kathleen was wheeled onto centre stage, spotlights on, and told which two people to listen to (strangely, the husband was not one of the two…), she mustered the energy to quip, “This party is an introvert’s worst nightmare.”

So, on Monday, January 15, 2018, Kathleen pushed out the boy at 3:54pm “sunny-side up” (that’s the technical term for face up…), which apparently is even harder than the face down way (Joel likes to call that way “over-easy” – he thinks it’ll catch on… check the textbooks in a few years). After a brief hello to mom and dad, baby boy, “twin A”, got a quick once-over before calmly settling back with dad. Meanwhile, we hoped that the wiggly-squiggly girl had stayed in place despite her new-found uterine real estate. She did! So mom got to work pushing her out too, and with the path already ploughed through the snow drift, she was out just 13 minutes after her brother, at 4:07pm. Over-easy!

I know – some of you are dying to know the names. But, in order to reduce future searchability of them, and to assuage our own fears about putting kids online, we figured it would be a gesture of kindness to avoid publicly naming them. We’ll let them mess up their own online profiles in their teenage years – no need for us to do it in advance. But both babies were about 7 pounds – the boy a little smaller, the girl a little bigger. And their names are awesome, trust me!

The twins are quick learners – they picked up tandem breastfeeding, and they are generally pretty happy to gaze at each other in the cot. Mom has picked up tandem breastfeeding too (imagine a running back holding a football, except she’s carrying two balls instead of the standard one, and she’s playing on the “skins” team). This has left both of dad’s hands comfortably free to occasionally rub mom’s swollen feet and feed her water. We’re now investigating camelback dispensers, or those really long curly straws. But dad’s favourite thing to do is take off his shirt and lie down with one of the little creatures on his chest. Everyone is in good health and managing well, although Joel says his hip is feeling a little off. That’s probably unrelated.

Although he was a little nervous, our older son, who’s now two and a half, has been a great big brother so far, visiting us in the hospital every day for dinner, sharing stories with friends at school, and even being brave enough to hold his new brother and sister. He has asked many questions, including, “Do they have feet?” and “Could I see their feet?” and “Do they have heads?” No doubt, he’ll have many more questions in the coming weeks.

As we were visited in our room by midwives and doctors and nurses and audiologists and lactation consultants and probably other professional people we can’t remember right now, and as we think back on the cocktail party in the O.R., we can’t help but feel lucky that we’ve paid zero dollars for the privilege of this help. Actually, that’s not true. We had to pay $42.38 for the breast pump kit. What a privilege to live in Canada.

Grandnan, with the help from a few Grandmas and Grampa, helped by holding down the fort at home with our son, AND bringing special meals – we were definitely the best fed patients in the unit! We headed home four days later, and we've been trying to get into a routine with some new projects on the task list!

​We’re grateful for the three healthy babies we’ve been able to add to planet earth, but for those of you wondering, the project list does not include any future fetus production or O.R cocktail parties. If we seem a little tired for awhile, now you know why!