Thursday, October 17, 2013

I'll tell you, American Horror Story recaps are freakin' exhausting! So much going on! We start with a couple of good ol' boys hunting for some gator in the swamps. Misty (Lily Rabe) is hanging back out at the site where they have all their gators hanging up. No we know that she is a necromancer, so she can make the gators come back to life and kill the poor rednecks. Also, Stevie Nicks plays in the background! (and not that horrible Landslide song either)

Madison is being a bitch as usual, as Zoe mourns her lost boy toy. Fiona has Delphine (who apparently smells) tied up in her room. Flashback to Queenie's life in Detroit, where she was the manager of a chicken joint. A dude gave her a hard time, so she used her voodoo doll powers to stick her hand in hot grease and make his arm burn away. Also she might be my favorite person on this show.

Two copts come to investigate the bus crash. Zoe claims responsibility for everything, including the sex death in the hospital. Fiona uses her witch powers to brainwash the police and send them on their way. Fiona punishes the girls by flipping them against the wall and bitching them the fuck out. Madison decides to repay Zoe for killing her rapist by putting together a new sexy boyfriend out of many dismembered parts, with Kyle's face of course.

Cordelia is struggling to get pregnant, and in vitro is the next step. However, her husband wants her to just use magic to conceive. Fiona is back chatting with Delphine, who is regaling her with the story about the love potion gone wrong. We learn the Marie Leaveau was not fucking around. She killed Delphine's entire family, and then gave her the "gift" of eternal life, which she would spend buried in an unmarked grave. Until today, of course.

The girls are hard at work with the boy reconstruction, which is eerily reminiscent of a Nip/Tuck episode. They cast the spell, spilling some blood in the process. I think this was the "black magic" that Cordelia was worried about earlier. You know, with the pentagram and all. They're concerned that the spell didn't work, but of course it did. But like Pet Semetary, will he come back stupid or evil?

Fiona is getting her hair done in an African salon, which she must be loving. Marie Leveau makes an appearance of course. My second fave on the show, Nan, is bothered by Delphine's loud thinking, and unties her. Of course she thinks Queenie is a slave and clocks her with a candlestick holder.

Fiona and Marie have a chat. These two are just a battle of sassmasters. All Fiona wants is whatever Marie's secret is to staying and looking young. Cordelia decided not to struggle too much with the decision to make her baby with magic and goes through with it with her sexypants husband. They bang inside a ring of fire and snakes which is pretty cool.

Zoe drags Kyle out of the morgue and poor Frankenstein is having a bit of a tough time. Zoe's trying to operate a freakin' vehicle and he's trashing all about the car. Oh, and then Misty joins them in the backseat, no big deal. They go to Misty's little shack and she rubs Kyle down with alligator poop. Also, she is strangely obsessed with Stevie Nicks, who is apparently her hero, and a witch.

Back at Marie's house, her husband is still a minotaur! They've got business to take care of. Delphine escapes, but only gets back to her own house, which is now a tourist attraction. She waxes poetic about her dead family. Fiona doesn't have a whole lot of sympathy, but they walk off into the sunset (aka back to the witch school) together. Until next week!!