We are Korean Moms in training dedicated to psycho-analyzing our moms, reliving horrible memories of embarrassment and dread for the benefit of the public...all the while laughing like a wheezy grandpa. Someone needs to pay for our therapy...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

#41 Red Bean

Red Bean or 'ppaht', is the fifth food group of Korean Moms. They believe Red Bean belongs in everything; from bread to fried chicken. I will admit, sometimes it's pleasant...but let's face it...sometimes it is very bad. Very. Bad. Korean Moms believe that Red Bean serves as some sort of dessert for the most part. Let's not lie to ourselves. It's a fucking BEAN. It makes you fart. Just because you add sugar to it does not always make it the best or only dessert. I could put sugar on a turtle turd and it might be magically delicious for all I know. If you are like me, you have grown up either loving Red Bean or hating it with a burning passion. Your Korean Mom fed this to you in the form of Dduk (rice cake), snacks, bingsoo, steamed buns, etc. You either saw it inside your steamed bun and said, 'yum!' or 'who shit in this?!'. Korean Moms love Red Bean over many other things in life. They prefer it over a box of Godiva chocolates, and sometimes even over you. Use Red Bean liberally to get yourself out of trouble, or score hard to earn points with your Korean Mom. Put it on a slice of cheesecake, put it in her coffee, slather it on her toast, smear it on your report card instead of hiding it. It will make anything and everything better and more pleasing to your Korean Mom. Use the power of the Red Bean my friend, and remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

I think it's mostly koreans saying you like it or hate it. Just because you're korean doesn't mean you love red beans. That's rather odd. I like them too in moderation, but I don't like the weird oil that the rice dumplings with red beans are coated in. I'm white though. My boyfriend was born in korea, he never eats them unless his mom forces it, so I think your generalization is rather untrue. They aren't incredibly exciting, more of a comfort food. And they should be banned from breakfast..barf!

Put it on a slice of cheesecake, put it in her coffee, slather it on her toast, smear it on your report card instead of hiding it. It will make anything and everything better and more pleasing to your Korean Mom.Duly noted and registered. My future mother-in-law will have me in her good graces if I show up with the beans.

Yeah, I love beans too, and why hate on red beans & sugar when chocolate comes from what? But while I will not speak for my brothas & sistas, all I know is that with pepper, garlic, cabbage,and beans as staples in Korean food, what the Hell did OldMom think was gonna happen after tucking into tofu, mung beans, and kimchi? All I know is that OldMom didn't like it too much when I taught Pop the "Pull My Finger" trick.

My korean(lives in korea still) mother-in-law told my wife that to cure constipation if she put a black bean on her belly button and put a bandaid over it that it would cure her constipation. My wife actually did it since her mom told her to do it. I laughed so hard, I actually took a picture of it. But the funny thing was on the first day nothing happened, but on the 2nd day she had mad gas, then on the 3rd day she took a dump. My wife actually used to have crazy constipation where she couldn't go for like 3 weeks. So for her to go in 3 days was actually fast.

oh my god my KM spent my entire childhood trying to shove those red bean popsicles and buns and anything that had red beans in it down my throat! as long as it has red beans in it, its delicious and good for you.