From The Mailbox

“They were never ever ‘very serious.’ Andrew hasn’t been ‘very serious’ with anyone since he broke up with his actual factual ‘very serious’ girlfriend of four years back in 2007. (That ex, btw, is tiny and cute and very reserved and a Harvard and MIT grad and does things with that education like teach high school in inner city Oakland and spends her summers off teaching in the Congo. Basically, the opposite of a Donk.)”

I wonder if he told her to or if she stirred awake at 12 noon and thought better of it. I thought it was interesting that she posted it at 2am when he (who has an actual career) would be asleep and unable to see it and refute it.

Like most of the obnoxious, deluded hags who moved here because they wanted the SATC life, Donks fancied herself a combination of Carrie (stylish, well-known, smart, witty) and Charlotte (beautiful, comes from some old money, men actually want to be married to her).

Yeah, Ali Trachta (the “writer” of that puff piece in the LA Weekly) has been gushing over how sharp all 3 are over on Twitter all day. To wit:

@tillieprl All 3 were wicked cool — heads screwed on a lot tighter than we’d think!

Yeah, those reality shows – such a sharp bunch! They willingly put themselves on shows that they know are sensationalist and have a vested interest in making them look nutso, then cry “Editing! Editing Ack!” when they do, in fact, look nutso. But then, when they sit down with some alt-weekly hack for a mid-season press push (and probably after some coaching/pleading from Bravo’s PR department) they’re able to seem “together”, thus snowing some chick working for peanuts who can’t even be assed to do a little research. After all, “she’s making it as a freelancer.”

And that’s only the most egregious misstatement of fact.

/rant. Sorry, it’s my town’s weekly. It blows, but they DO have some fine ads in the back – ads that I do believe Ashton Kutcher, a certain Donkey’s girl-saving hero, demanded Village Voice Media to take down, as they promote the enslavement of woman.

But now, since they’re giving a Donkey a fine hummer, I guess those ads aren’t so bad, are they.

It’s very telling that he hasn’t said ANYTHING about this whole ordeal. I think Julia is even worse in terms of nutty threats with exes than we might even imagine. We rarely hear directly from exes, but lots from friends that hated her.

I wonder what she does that has them so scared (on top of the cray we have witnessed on national TV)?

On that note… as much as we make fun of her, and hear stories and watch her videos, etc etc. Up until now there has also been a filter between Julia and US (most of us here I mean). Either Julia is in control of the medium (good side, good light photos, TMI or lip dub videos) or we hear things via tipsters, first hand eye witnesses, etc.

This Bravo show is the first time most of us get to watch the bray/cray happen real-time. And while I knew she was going to come across as an asshat, she is seriously even worse than I thought she could ever be.

She has some REALLY serious emotional problems. She can barely contain her crazy these days. I feel the time and/or emotional/human intelligence required to realize how horrid she is is getting shorter/smaller every year. It used to take her a year or so to go through a blond BFF. Now we’ve seen “friends” on Miss Advised that we never even heard of in the first place that are already long gone.

She’s even burning up professional “gigs” faster than before…

The question is how low will she go? Will it ever stop? EVER? I really wonder… Will she snap one day? Like, for real Kony-director crazy looney bin crack? Or will she just be forever tweeting to herself…

As you can tell, she’s confrontational and aggressive. She’ll even fight with randos on the internet who are talking shit about her. It’s time for her to retire. She’s boring, untalented, and can’t handle being in the public eye. I can only imagine what she’d do if she was in Teresa Guidice’s shoes. Probably wind up at the Ford Clinic.

She will go lower and no, she will never stop. I thought this exchange was telling:

Brandi Simmons ‏@BRN05
@JuliaAllison I watched the last episode and I’m always cheering for you. When that guy walked in the door that was me on the floor too. Lol

13h Julia Allison ‏@JuliaAllison
@BRN05 – wasn’t that hysterical? I was shocked!! (and thank you for the sweetness) xoxo

11:57 PM – 25 Jul 12 via Echofon · Details

She thinks her behavior is hilarious instead of that of a complete mental patient. I think why we are seeing cracks in the veneer is because most people kiss her ass to her face and LOL behind her back. Now she’s seeing some of the LOLing right up front to her face. She can’t keep her facts straight and she’s getting called out on her lies.

I don’t know if she’ll ever have a complete breakdown, I just think she’ll go along being a miserable person who never genuine connects with anyone and certainly, is never loved by a man.

1
a : a psychoneurosis marked by emotional excitability and disturbances of the psychic, sensory, vasomotor, and visceral functions without an organic basis
b : a similar condition in domestic animals
2
: behavior exhibiting overwhelming or unmanageable fear or emotional excess

She might have finally reached the point where there’s just too many lies to keep track of. It builds every year and she has the semi high profile Jack McCain lies now too. She’s going to be prone to a lot more um, er, oops moments at some point.

I predict a plea of exhaustion soon … she’ll take another ‘break from the internet’ & try to regroup (as in culling her lies as outted here, building a spreadsheet of lies, dictating newest spin of lies to her ghostwriter & ‘coming out of retirement’ to promote her NYT’s best-selling bray-all exposé of life as the girl who dumped FlapJack McCain, son or 2008 Presidential candidate, John McCain).

I think she should focus on trying to be a viral video star. She can have a breakdown and upload a ridiculous authenticity costume video. Then she’ll be able to claim insanity on all the lies she’s been spinning recently.

— An extremely dangerous, life threatening severe weather situation is expected this evening from New York City southward through Philadelphia, to Baltimore. —

This graphicshows the probability (in percent) that a location will receive winds of at least 58 MPH, but likely upwards towards 70-80 MPH this evening. A derecho, which is a long-lived line of thunderstorms with prolific damaging winds, will continue to fly eastward and impact New York City, Newark, Atlantic City, Philadelphia, Dover, and Baltimore by 9 PM EDT. Winds could approach 80 MPH in some locations, causing widespread power outages and downing thousands of trees. This line of storms could produce tornado-like damage over large areas.

PLEASE tell friends and family that they need to have a way to receive weather warnings this evening. Do NOT be on the roads when this line of storms as several individuals were killed last month when the June 29th Derecho impacted the NE USA. Go to a safe place, such as a basement or interior room if needed. This is a very dangerous situation.

I was in one in Indiana a few weeks ago and it was astonishing. I grew up there (but was just visiting with my family) and I said to my kids, at the beginning of the severity, “Oh, you’re going to get to see real Midwest weather,” very CASUALLY, as outdoor furniture slammed against the patio doors we were looking through.

It’s been really fucked up here in Balty, but that is the new norm I guess. I was arriving to DC via MARC when the last Derecho hit and there were literally trees snapping and flying all over the place. Just by circumstance,I was out of the country while many of my friends were out of power for a week or more. The weather has been pernicious, doomy, and loomy. My baltimore house totally was flood zone last Friday and I just got a new roof. Global warming deniers need to take some inventory.

Yeah, & he was cool too. He actually dealt w/ Corp of Engineers & GSA, being a hydrologist, & every vacation included visiting damn & bridge construction — so weird, I know, but that’s how I saw a lot of the country growing up, & it probably explains my bridge fetish.

Uh oh, wait until she reads this. Is she going to beat him into submission to tweet something about their relationship? Perhaps something along the lines of: Julia and I are friends and text all the time?

I love that the tipster has effortlessly included memes from this site in the email. I also fear that there might be just enough info about his ex for Donkey to FB stalk her.

Proviso. The last couple of verses made me sad though and you know Donkey had to broadcast that on Emily’s show in case anyone was in doubt. Another case of if the genders were reversed he’d be called out as a douche but for her it’s bragging rights … on air. Shudder.

There was a time when a bunch of us cat ladies were doing regular skype calls. Me and Beej would meow-sing (replace all lyrics with meowing) songs on request. I remember one particularly moving rendition of Bob Dylan’s ‘Lay Lady Lay’.

I posted this in the last thread, but I think it got buried quick. Sorry, ladies!

Here is my theory of how the whole Jelly D thing began:

She approaches him as a stranger, a friend of a friend, and/or admirer of his Internet presence. “I am looking for someone to play the part of my boyfriend for my Bravo reality show. I saw your xx through xx and I think you’d be perfect. All you have to do is appear in 4-6 episodes (up to you), Bravo will pay xx amount AND plug your music. Plus you’ll get a SAG card. I know, it’s so lame hahahaha but the producers say I need a regularly appearing love interest and trust me, it will be FUN and EASY. 😉 ”

In Julie’s world, there is no boundary between fiction and reality–there’s only a bridge. She thinks she gets to control every narrative and the only thing she lets unfold is her undesirables (ew).

In this case, Jelly D would agree to play the part for fun, as a joke, for promotional purposes, whatever, but would be unable to resist her charms and fall madly in love with Julia Allison Baugher forever and ever. Just like Brad and Angie, Rob and Kristen (sniff!), Heidi and Spencer, or any other celebrity romance that begins on set.

Emily is a talking head commenting on Kristin Stewart and why women cheat (?!!) on “Inside Edition” right now. Emily cheated before pla pla pla, “miss advised” is proving to be a good save for someone destined for yuckfest HBO’s “Real Sex” or “Taxicab Confessions” (which I have a soft spot for) if it were still on…

I was just watching that clip, and I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it. I think she is asexual, and I think Rob was trying to get out of the relationship they had. I read this blind item about them months ago and it’s from an entertainment lawyer. It doesn’t have to be true, but I think it could be. As for the director, maybe it was already on the outs. People as famous as her would never have to issue a public apology. They don’t have to answer to anyone.

I read this in the crazy days and nights blog when they reveal names on the 4th of July. It said they were great friends and he was fine with helping her out, but now he’s been getting tired of not having a real relationship and that she loves the situation as it is.

Why would they need publicity? That awful series isn’t suffering. If that’s true they are really greedy and ridiculous.

InTheKnow • 7 hours ago
Actually, Julia, a deal between Bravo and Elle was cut and your guest blog at Elle.com amounts to not much more than the product placement of Midway cars for your show (I was privy to that deal, too.)

Your comment that Bravo doesn’t “have the power” to set up your column at Elle is laughable and 100% false. Heast Ent. which owns Elle is run by NBC’s former head of entertainment which coincidently owns Bravo. You can go right ahead and Google “Elle” and “Bravo” and you will see that in fact, Bravo has quite a history with setting up deals much like the one with your “column” on your show. The one on Project Runway with Nina Garcia of Elle magazine being one of the most memorable… but certainly not the last.

Again, I’m on the inside, so I know for a fact Bravo set up the column with Elle. Come on, you can’t be fired by TMS and then think you’re going to graduate to Elle, even if it is only Elle.com. The publishing world is small and intimate, you should have been more discrete and left that comment above alone. No one was going to take anything seriously from someone who can’t spell “incite.”
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Meghan • 2 days ago
The show is an embarrassment and not what I turn into Bravo for. Julia Allison is either on the spectrum of a severe mental disability or the worst human being who ever lived. The fact that Bravo enables this behavior is gross. Also, the jig is up, we all know Bravo set up her fake column for Elle and she in fact is not a real relationship columnist. I suppose I could excuse some of this if the show was not incredibly boring with no new incites whatsoever. Emily is okay, Amy needs to get behind Julia in some severe therapy.
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D girl • 17 hours ago • parent
“Meghan,” you obviously don’t know the proper definition of the work “incite” to use it in a sentence. Try this: “In order to make $ .60 a shill for Kraft Cheesy Mac Skillets, Julia Allison incited the 80,000 Twitter followers she bought in the past 2 months to buy the product, by linking it.”

Is that more clear?

Then there’s the proper definition of “insights:” “I don’t have any insights as to how Julia Allison can think she can buy 80,000 Twitter followers and get away with it. It’s pretty ridiculous. The Miss Advised Facebook page only had 1,000 by the time she had 100,000 and her own FB page has only gone up 1,000 subscribers. Do you have any insight as to how she thinks companies are so gullible?”

Hope that helps!
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Julia Allison • a day ago • parent
Hi there “Meghan” –

You really think I’m “the worst human being who ever lived”? You must live in a pretty awesome world! I want to go to there!

I’ll only correct your factual error. Bravo did not “set up” my column with ELLE. They don’t have that power. But if you would like to believe this, that’s your prerogative. Just know that it’s not true.

PS. That was a very creative spelling for “incites”! People tend to spell it “insights.” Crazy, right?
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Little KitKat • 7 hours ago • parent
Ms. Allison,
Get over yourself, you are all about YOU and frankly its annoying. You use others for personal gain and name drop, too bad everyone ignores you. Stop the botox you look like a badly made up drag queen, wearing a tiara did not help your image. Grow up, be a real woman. Miss advised certainly is a perfect name for the show. You are not a real writer, you have no real job and every relationship you have is fake.
I stopped watching because I have seen enough train wrecks, it’s just plain embrassing. Insights, be You not the fake annyoing user and abuser everyone has come to hate. You have your moments of clarity and are actually funny, too bad you are insecure and badly want attention that you are your own worst enemy.
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InTheKnow posted a similar comment here, right? Wondering, because I remember seeing “Hearst” misspelled as “Heast.” Or maybe I just read that comment in the original article and thought I saw something similar here?

I knew the whole “Bravo doesn’t have that power” was UTTER bullshit. It’s well know that networks are doing cross promotions in TV shows. You probably saw what amounted to a “Subway” sandwich commercial on “Will & Grace,” “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “Chuck.”

Car companies features their cars on shows and Oil of Olay does product placement all the time… a main character will just all of a sudden, in their story line be talking about how great the product is. The network, LIKE BRAVO, WHO DOES HAVE THE POWER, then gets a cut of the $$$$ from this.

It’s all over the Hollywood Reporter and Variety b/c actors and SAG don’t think it’s fair that they are not compensated for what amounts to doing a commercial in the body of the show.

Also I noticed on Big Bang Theory that Microsoft has the same sort of deal. Sheldon and Leonard use PCs, so their Dell and Alienware logos are shown, but the other two guys have stickers over their Apple logos. Microsoft is thanked in the credits.

“Meet Julia Allison, one of the most hated girls on the internet, who naturally has landed herself a reality show. I have to admit that I only knew of her vaguely before the show aired, so I was going into the show with an open heart, mind, and blog. After having to endure her annoying behavioral tics for five minutes, however, I can understand why the internet has been taking a dump on her face for the past five years because SHE’S ANNOYING AS HELL. There’s this insufferable infantile quality to her. Like, she’s 30, but her personality became frozen in junior high, along with her fashion sense. I just imagine her running around her bedroom in a tutu, scribbling hearts on her notebook, and blasting “This is the story of a girl…” by Nine Days. She has Peter Pan syndrome, so much so that she’s already resorted to using fillers on her face, which make her look freakish and always in a state of manic euphoria.”

Just now watched the episode, and it is so bad. I think the canklehausen has actually taken years off my life.

As bad as it was, WWHL is – unbelievably – worse. Andy: ” Is polymorphous a word?” Julia, decisively, “NO.” Followed by a fucking screwball Jerry Lewis face. Christ. It is also so embarrassing to see her gesticulating wildly when the camera is trained on one of the other girls. She is so mincing and affected, and just thinks it is the cutest thing ever. You know she goes home and wears out the batteries in her remote and vibrator watching it over and over again.

Cakezie–tots agree. She answered almost every question posed, irregardless if it was addressed to her and I too saw the hooves flailing around in the periphery (but not in a cool Michael Stipe, Losing My Religion way) and lots of TOUCHING AND POKING of the other two.

What the frocke was she on because I don’t want to try it? Oh, right. Tony Robbins. I don’t want on that piece either.

Also, while the little blonde was singing, Andy wad laughing and enjoying it, Amy was being polite and dancing… then there is Donky throwing out an undisguised poopy face, like a total bitch. Who the hell is she to be throwing shade at someone being awkward on TV?

Haven’t watched it except clips on The Frisky when I already knew what to expect. Major respect to Jacy, Albie, et al, who live blogged/chatted without any prior warning. I don’t think I could do it, practically immobilized just hearing it second hand.

My canklehausen burned hotter than it ever has when the nice gay man from Virginia said he was a bear. She was SO ready to laugh along with her girlfriends, like “what the fuck is a BEAR!?” and you can see the wheels S L O W L Y turning in her head when she realizes that everybody there knows what a bear is except for her.

1. I’m gonna make a joke and for once everybody’s gonna laugh and be in on it. I will be funny! People will like me! I’m a young Joan Rivers!
2. Oh shit, I waited too long. Timing. Timing. Timing.
3. Wait, Emily knows what a bear is? Of course she does. Andy? Of course he does. Amy? AMY knows what a bear is!? Amy knows and I don’t? How can this be?
4. Whatisabearwhatisabearwhatisabear thinkthinkthinkthink Julia, think.
5. Just nod. Just swallow and nod and act like you totally know what everybody is talking about. Keep nodding. The more you nod, the more convincing you will be.

and when Andy was so clearly moved by the caller and taking it seriously and Julia screams out “MOVE TO NYC!” and Andy goes NO and after trying to get some “back me up here” from the audience with her “what’s wrong with my idea” expression, a donk is somber because she just got shut the hell down by Sir Andy. Also also, Andy’s comment about HATING when people say they have expiration dates *cough cough*. Also, also, just watch Andy’s face often enough when Julie is talking or has jumped in to say something pointless/stupid/irritating. He haaaaates her.

During the commercial break when they were airing the show while they were waiting in the studio with him to air watch what happens live, he said to her, “Julia, I see you went with the tiara. “And she started this whole long rant and he just cut her off and said, “be here live at 11!” lol.

His disgust with her was so evident through those segments. He’s definitely doing the “bless your heart” thing a lot and she’s too stupid to see it, although you could see a couple of times it sunk in that he was shutting her down and you could see the fleeting flash of rage cross her face.

Don’t let canklehausen take years off your life! Use Canklehausen Herpdermcream! I used to die on a daily basis until I discovered Canklehausen Herpdermcream! Now, I am just full retard most of the time. Don’t let Canklehausen rob you of the best years of your post-expiration life! Get Canklehausen Herpdermcream today!

May cause rectal bleeding, needless braying, falling on the floor for no apparent reason, screaming PROM!! at the top of your lungs repeatedly and at inappropriate times, face-raping men with questionable heterosexual qualities, or death. Please consult a charlatan before using Canklehausen Herpdermcream.

Also “booth babes are ruining Comic-Con.” Not the companies that hire booth babes, not the con committee that permits a booth-babe culture, but the ladies themselves, who are ruining Comic-Con by doing their jobs.

Where else is she likely to find someone gullible enough to fall for her nonsense? Only at one of these shillfests, and probably not even there.

The possible future Mr. Julie Albertson owns a small advertising agency in Chillicothe or Pierre or somewhere, but he goes to the Tim Ferriss type of seminar in order to feel like he’s part of the new hotness. That’s the only guy she’s ever going to snag, someone who is so out of the loop he thinks she’s in the loop.

Oy yo….I knew this description sounded way too familiar. Once again, too few degrees of separation between me and the donk and the donut. The ex is everything this commenter says she is (but an OMGStanford grad) and I can’t reveal much more because it will expose who I am, but suffice it to say I know her because her husband is a friend of mine. I could see how JA might be jealous – she’s a total hipster and a teacher in an incredible school in Oakland. Lived in a large commune-esque urban space for a long time with Burning Man folk. She started an education fund in the Congo years ago and has spent a lot of time there teaching. And yes, she is small and blonde and gorgeous.

Yes, but she deleted another one that she posted last night at 2am, too. It said something like, “I’m watching a preview of episode 7. For the record, Andrew and I dated for three months at this point. Funny how the show makes it seem like just two dates.” (That’s almost word for word).

I re-watched the clip of Julie + Andrew sitting on the couch whilst Tiny Julie plays her dumb new song. Julie kind of rocks back and forth in a herp derp way. It reminded me of something. Just figured out what it was:

She’s like someone’s great Aunt Ruth who they let out of the mental institution on an 4 hour pass to attend a wedding and he’s like her beleaguered grandson who is stuck taking care of her instead of getting to hit on hot bridesmaids.

Dang. I wonder if Julie posted that, or brayed at Bravo to post it? You can see her hand on the left side of the pic. He looks terrified. I agree with the FB comment that said he looks like a deer caught in the headlights.