[Essay] I would like to improve my writing skill hope that you can help me

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I would like to improve my writing skill hope that you can help me

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

One important thing that I would change in my hometown is public transportation; In nowadays due to population increase rapidly, people drive their private car rather than public bus this partly because the buses is too old, inconvenience, unsafe to get on that I would explain as below:
The main point is that the buses are long time service, too old to continue using for people in the public places due to excessive use make the engine inside the bus damage it lead to air-polluted For example in my home town actually I used to go to school by bus, I can remember that it was a yellow one that I used to sit in the left close to the window after I graduated and have my own car, I still observe that there is nothing change until now still be the same bus so many years of neglect the maintenance. Far as I am concerned, it may cause the accident on the road and air polluted from the engine to harmful people and environment.
The second point is the inconvenience inside the bus is out of standard the conductor do not pay any attention in cleaning and servicing it is not good enough, there is no air-con or fan to facilitate to people and one important thing is that they unable to manage or make an untidy For example: the bus in my hometown there is 32 seat of people and surplus of people be allowed to stand. Sometime there are a crowd of people inside the bus they still allow to pick up more people without thinking possibilities in the bus.
Las but not least a bus that lake of safety consequence to fatality, people lake of credit and respect to be a passenger for example: the public bus not have seat-belt the door is keep open and the engine such down by itself. Therefore non-safety is a kind of thing that made people fear also if me I do not choose to get on the bus that made me stress and worries what will be happening for the next station.
In sum, transportation is an easy way for people to go anywhere such as work or school, otherwise transportation should be in the standard of safety, facilities and newly.
One important thing that I would change in my hometown is public transportation; In nowadays due to population increase rapidly, people drive their private car rather than public bus this partly because the buses is too old, inconvenience, unsafe to get on that I would explain as below:
The main point is that the buses are long time service, too old to continue using for people in the public places due to excessive use make the engine inside the bus damage it lead to air-polluted For example in my home town actually I used to go to school by bus, I can remember that it was a yellow one that I used to sit in the left close to the window after I graduated and have my own car, I still observe that there is nothing change until now still be the same bus so many years of neglect the maintenance. Far as I am concerned, it may cause the accident on the road and air polluted from the engine to harmful people and environment.
The second point is the inconvenience inside the bus is out of standard the conductor do not pay any attention in cleaning and servicing it is not good enough, there is no air-con or fan to facilitate to people and one important thing is that they unable to manage or make an untidy For example: the bus in my hometown there is 32 seat of people and surplus of people be allowed to stand. Sometime there are a crowd of people inside the bus they still allow to pick up more people without thinking possibilities in the bus.
Las but not least a bus that lake of safety consequence to fatality, people lake of credit and respect to be a passenger for example: the public bus not have seat-belt the door is keep open and the engine such down by itself. Therefore non-safety is a kind of thing that made people fear also if me I do not choose to get on the bus that made me stress and worries what will be happening for the next station.
In sum, transportation is an easy way for people to go anywhere such as work or school, otherwise transportation should be in the standard of safety, facilities and newly.

Please help me to correct the mistake i'm just starting to practise writing essay but i'm not sure i did the right track or not. Thanks