mary the olympian

If you’ve watched more Olympics than me (and I only got to the most important three hours of it, the women’s free skate), then you were sure to have had the pleasure of watching my favorite tennis commentator — and esteemed journalist — Mary Carillo in one of NBC’s delightful featurettes.

Carillo’s sports knowledge is obvious, and her word-choice is always that of a well-educated, thoughtful commentator. She’s a natural — even in nature!

Enter our Mary The Olympian photo gallery, where we chronicle the many trials and tribulations of the great Carillo in her coverage for NBC’s peek into life as a Canadian as an Olympic contest all of its own. They were, after all, Mary’s Olympics…

Things looked suspicious at first — and so did Mary — but her training for the Olympics were about to hit full stride.

First she had to fly to Vancouver. And good thing she’s spent all that time in the commentator’s booth. She was comfy in the two-seater.

Her first task was to torture this man. She was good at it. Well, great actually.

But when her teammate sustained an injury, she had to mush as fast as possible to the local medic’s igloo.

It was there that she picked out her outfit for the opening ceremonies. “I don’t represent any country,” she said. “I represent me. And I look outstanding in this color.”

Though she seemed destined for greatness, she was fourth in her first Olympic event: PuttingPeopleToSleepByTalkingAtThemForTenMinutes. In an unprecedented display, Bob Costas took gold, silver and bronze.

She was disqualified in her second event — BoatMaking — for failing to do anything other than scream “Noah’s Ark! I created Noah’s Ark!” while doing spirit fingers at the judging panel.

In her third event — DogWrestling — she was a disappointing 7th. “I thought this was my event,” she told the Banff Daily News afterward. She punished herself by eating cat food for six straight days.

In her fourth and final event — JustJumpOverThisBar — Mary earned a medal at last: silver. She was second only to that girl wearing the hideous tube socks, who is rumored to be dating Carl Lewis, who may or may not have snuck in her place to compete.

Mary Carillo was a highlight of my Olympic watching experience, I have to say. Especially when it came to trying to stay up for late night coverage of events deemed “uninteresting” by NBC, such a various women’s speedskating, luge, etc events.