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Farewell, Anorexic Ideal

Farewell Anorexic Ideal — have you ever thought about the aura-level consequences of self-starvation to achieve “glamour”?

Farewell, Anorexic Ideal — as two different Blog-Buddies comment on extreme thinness as a job requirement for beauty. Or much of any value, really.

INFP Starflower began this guest post on our perennial topic of The Anorexic Ideal. Every so often, this topic springs up like a bold Earth-Flower. The topic springs up due to aura reading, and not necessarily on purpose.

One way that women’s lives can benefit from energetic literacy? Soon as you start reading chakra databanks of glam folks who self-starve, a stark truth will present itself to your perception.

Most healthy women are not built like a coat hanger.

What about the Barbie dolls some of us played with in childhood? Barbies are not anatomically realistic, let alone appropriate role models.

Being reminded of that stark truth happened here at the blog recently. Innocently enough, I was doing routine reading of contest entries for our recent Empath Contest Where Everybody Can Win.

Aware just of doing one of the standard techniques in Aura Reading Through All Your Senses(R), I was talent scouting for empaths, checking out the admirable, accomplished former super-model who has gone on to do additional fascinating, meaningful things with her life.

I was thinking Christy Turlington Burns, not intentionally doing detective work about Yet More Famous People Who Starve Their Bodies in Order to Look Attractive. A.k.a. what I call “The Anorexic Ideal.”

Note: Bemoaning The Anorexic Ideal, or outing a secretly anguished Root Chakra databank that screams “Feed me,” I am making no medical diagnosis. I’m not a professional physician, just someone with Stage Three Energetic Literacy, the kind anyone can have. The kind YOU can have, Blog-Buddies, since evidently you are capable of reading this screen. And if you can manage Gutenberg-style literacy, you sure can learn a skill set to do the aura kind as well.

So there it screamed out, with Deeper Perception. Blaring like an ambulance siren or a stifled shriek of habitual anguish. Ignored, based on the expression of glamorous Christy. But not ignorable by me.

Therefore, I noted this startling fact in Comment 44. Then I asked, Why, oh why, do women latch onto The Anorexic Ideal and keep on living that way? Here are two responses that moved me so much, I have elevated them into a guest post, adding just headings, minor copy edits, and the occasional link.

First up, INFP STARFLOWER.

Anorexia? Been there, done that. I do understand.

Why, oh why, do women latch onto The Anorexic Ideal and keep on living that way?

For me, it was because I wanted so much to be beautiful.

For some reason, (STUFF, most likely,) I equated being beautiful with being loved. And I wanted more than anything to be loved.

People dont normally tell me that Im beautiful.

But I hear all the time about how skinny women are beautiful. I just assumed I wasnt beautiful because I wasnt thin enough.

Doesnt make a whole lot of sense, maybe, but that was how I felt. I know that Everybody is not just like me, but I think there are probably many women who can relate to this.

What does “Beautiful” mean, anyway?

Aura Reader by Night’s part of this guest post begins right here, Blog-Buddies.

I wanted to respond to the INFP Starflower in Comment #45, which was very touching and struck a chord with me.

I am naturally thin, though not anorexic. I also happen not to be white.

When growing up, for many reasons, I equated beautiful with being white.

I once went to a workshop with an extremely intelligent and perceptive life coach, GLADYS, who does happen to fit the traditional (stereotypical?) American ideal of female beauty.

GLADYS also suffered from anorexia in the past.

One comment from her made a lasting impression on me. GLADYS said that, having worked with many beautiful female clients, many of them had deep insecurities of not being really loved for who they are but rather loved as an object of beauty.

An OBJECT.

Since beauty does eventually fade (no matter how much plastic surgery or Botox one gets), the insecurity can be profound.

Join the Discussion

Ya know, it’s funny. I bet most women would agree that it’s not terribly difficult to get a date based on their appearance. You know, they appear to be a woman!

But still, when a woman wants a deep, compatible, long-lasting relationship, most of the advice and messages out there are about how to be more physically attractive, as if that’s the problem. As if women aren’t just naturally attractive to men (straight ones), but some animal species that needs to change in order to be good enough. Weird.

Great point, Jordan. I worked in the film and TV industry for a bit when I was young. It was interesting to work with the stereotypically beautiful and famous and find them insecure and such like anyone else. A small percent were natural and easy about it but many were uncomfortable with how they were seen and the objectification.

My mother used to tell me about a girl that came to her school when she was in about the 5th grade. My Mom was very homely and she said this girl was even homelier than her. But, she was loved by everyone in her class. Mom was jealous and hated her. One day Mom was having difficulty with some math and the teacher told this girl to help her out. Mom could see that the girl was shy about coming over to her because she knew how Mom felt about her. But, she did it and she helped Mom in such a loving way that Mom fell in love with her, too. It was one of the most meaningful lessons in Mom’s life and she wanted to share that lesson with her daughters.

I was a natural beauty and had a “perfect” figure from high school on. I could see that it opened opportunities for me that would not have been there had I not been pretty – and I hated it. I hated that I was not accepted for my intellect or talents or personality. I had thoughts of even disfiguring myself when I was in my 20’s. The shallowness of others perceptions of me nurtured an awareness of prejudice that was, and is, acute.

When I was studying A Course in Miracles one of the lessons was to ask to see others as God sees them. I prayed for that experience.

One day I pulled up to a stop sign in town and a very homely woman was crossing the street in front of me. I recognized immediately the “judgment” of homeliness and asked to see her as God sees her. Immediately I had the experience of seeing her as God sees her. It makes me cry even now, as I write this. She was the most beautiful person I have ever “seen” and the experience is as fresh now as it was then.

I wish we all could have that experience, just once. That is all it would take to know what beautiful really is. It is YOU, right here, right now.

Thank you for these thoughtful posts. I agree with objectification being very damaging to self-esteem. In my family how you looked, how intelligent you were, those things mattered a lot. I was pretty, I was smart so I was esteemed for those things, but they were “things” and my parents didn’t know how to love me just for me. It wasn’t their fault, if they’d loved themselves truly they’d have been able to give that to their children.

It has been quite a journey for me to learn that I am worthy just because I am ME, not because of the way I look or how I think.

Incidentally, as a woman who has had a lot of attention because of my physical appearance, I found it overwhelming and difficult. In some ways I think ageing and losing my youthful bloom has been an amazing process because it tore my fake self-esteem to shreds. Losing the instant approval of men that I’d loathed but also taken as a given, showed me how unhelpful tying my self-esteem to external approval was.

I see anorexia and addiction to plastic surgery etc as a stage in a person exploring the emptiness of objectification. For me there was a lot of personal meaning tied into my time of objectifying myself.

Energetic literacy is not a substitute for mystical prayers, nor for the patient guidance of highly skilled psychotherapists.

Still, I can’t resist calling your attention to one simple fact.

With Stage Three Energetic Literacy, you definitely can have tastes of psychological wisdom. You can gobble them up, actually, every time you research the size and quality of a chakra databank.

In yourself or others.

There is good reason why mental health professionals sometimes ask me to research chakra databanks in their clients. In that kind of confidential aura reading, I use Stage Four Energetic Literacy to pull out an Energy Hologram of the client or patient during a particular encounter.

It is absolutely fascinating to observe the subconscious effects of medication and therapy on a client, comparing the client early in the therapeutic relationship compared to a recent visit with the psychiatrist or psychotherapist.

And YOU can do research into chakra databanks of anyone you choose, not after years of training but after you learn this basic form of literacy for the third millennium.

Okay, here is another simple fact. Because I can’t resist making this point either.

The sort of prayer experience so eloquently described by JILL ERIN is just a wonder. It’s an inspiration. An attainable inspiration.

On a more mundane note, it’s worth mentioning that you can read Divine-level information with Stage Three Energetic Literacy.

Which part? The part where you research a person’s gift of the soul in any chakra databank you choose.

Divine fingerprints are all over us, Blog-Buddies. They are large as the Grand Canyon, small as YOUR gifts of the soul and those in any other person whose aura you choose to read.

And for those of you Blog-Buddies who are empaths, I hope you know about a further opportunity for an everyday equivalent of JILL ERIN’s experience of wonder in Comment 5. Skilled Empath Merge is the deepest experience of aura reading, if you are hard-wired (for life) as an empath.

Mystical experiences come as a form of grace. Unpredictable, although we can call them in, as so beautifully described by JILL ERIN.

By contrast, energetic literacy is an everyday skill, dependable as reading the words on this screen.

You can do a quick, business-like reading in preparation for a date or job interview.

Or you can linger, savoring gifts of the soul for everyone whose photo on the Internet you care to read.

JILL ERIN is nearly moved to tears, just describing that experience in today’s Comment 5.

Equally astounding — in a totally different manner…

JILL ERIN, and I, and so many of you Blog-Buddies, do this everyday miracle of aura reading or Skilled Empath Merge for a few minutes here or there.

Perhaps it’s just part of your 20 minutes maximum of Technique Time.

And here’s the miracle part. We do this without tearing up, without pausing for an hour or two to recover.

We are getting used to this version of living in the realm of miracles. Then integrating that into everyday life.

Ultimately this is a state of consciousness, folks. Not an oasis or vision. A way of life that we can stabilize in our neuro-physiological functioning. A state of consciousness where we dip, at will, in and out of experiencing the Divine as part of human reality.

When I think about ‘homely’ vs ‘pretty’ I always end up just falling in love with the miracle of the human body – any human body. We are SOOO beautiful and we are all equally beautiful. Muscle, fascia, the exquisite design and organic intelligence that we all inhabit.. well. Words fail and definitions of pretty collapse and I become WAY more interested in health.

I think that’s how I’m designed.

I’m also aware of objectification, not only in others but in me. It’s very human.

I don’t currently see a disconnect or anything wrong with this. I used to – I went through a long patch of being quite cross with people who objectified, and wanting ‘being’ to be enough rather than ‘doing’ or ‘achievement’ – but now I’m to be coming to terms with it.

Presumably objectification is simply another part of our monkey nature. Certainly it rules a lot of wonderful events such as babies being born. So to me, it’s a creative impulse too, just a more basic one.

Perhaps I’ll see things differently at another time but for now it all seems OK 🙂

I had a very similar experience to Jill Erin a long time ago, also whilst doing a Course in Miracles, though it wasn’t that exercise, (I actually never got past lesson 30ish). I was sitting in a bus and everyone I saw seemed, divine somehow, no one looked better or worse, whether they were young or old or whatever they looked like, for the whole bus trip. They were all unjudgeably beautiful. for a long time it was my most mystical, profound experience.

I recently started experiencing life/conciousness outside of duality. When I position myself there, there is no concept of beauty at all. I guess its obvious now that I am writing it that beauty needs contrast to exist, but I always experienced beauty as glorifying, and so I assumed that there would be, some kind of experience of it. But not at all. For me now beauty and perfection are also part of a dream.

re: comment 10
“Ultimately this is a state of consciousness, folks. Not an oasis or vision. A way of life that we can stabilize in our neuro-physiological functioning. A state of consciousness where we dip, at will, in and out of experiencing the Divine as part of human reality.”

I think this is such an important point, Rose. Even more so, that the Divine becomes lived in daily life and we see ourselves as immersed in an ocean of it as we move through life.

It’s not about flash or grasping at experiences but rather settling into what is already here, under the Stuff.

Amanda
I think you raise a good point. It’s natural to recognize beauty in form. The issue becomes when we see only the surface and fail to recognize the deeper beauty. Where we judge people, and ourselves, superficially.

As Jill Erin’s story tells us, letting your light shine is a much greater beauty. And in the end, people are more attracted to who you are than what you look like.

What you describe is a good thing. It is shifting deeper into spirit or Self and becoming a witness to the world, which then takes on the sense of being maya, the dream.

As this develops more fully, the lively edge of spirit will come online and a deep, stable sense of happiness will become ongoing. That’s called sat chit ananda or nirvana.

More deeply still, and helped by developing deeper perception, the layers of the dream become familiar and the sense of “dream” shifts to a sense of “Divine play” or Lila.

Deeper still, the spirit within begins to be found more and more in the world until it’s recognized, right on the level of being, that you and the world are made of the same thing. This is the dawning of Unity. After that is a progression of everything being experienced all being recognized and united.

Of course, your own experience of this process will evoke different words and emphasis. My main point is this unfolding has just begun.

I wasnt planning on commenting on this thread but the inspirational quality of whats here already is SO high, that I will jump right in:) Its irresistable.

I was a pretty teenager and got lots of reinforcement for that. But it wasnt as much of an advantage as you might think. I often felt like what was on the inside of me didnt matter. That, as long as I looked good, or looked a certain way, that was all that mattered.

People didnt make it past the surface appearance. They didnt see me beyond the surface level. I didnt develop much of a personality, maybe for that reason. It was nice to be accepted for looks, to at least not be bullied or bothered too much in negative ways by other people.

But it was certainly no substitute for other qualities like: self confidence, social skill, having a personality, and inner resourcefulness.
The inner knowledge of myself was missing. It wouldnt be developed until later in life.

I do think it is possible to hide behind an attractive appearance  to not really find yourself internally or multidimensionally.

Its kind of like carrying a cardboard cutout of yourself, and holding it up in front of you, and saying Hey, folks, this is me. Many people will accept that, and the deeper self isnt validated.

To somebody who is a lot more than a physical appearance, it can be disorienting to have the physical validated so much, to the exclusion of everything else a person is and can be.

I figured it out in time. It was just confusing to grow up with societys values, and no instruction on other things that matter more  like what a person is like on the inside. What qualities they have, their special excellences things like kindness and truth mattering more than lipstick and lipgloss.

I wouldn’t be surprised if part of their role in collective consciousness was to wake us up about shallowness and objectification. They’re both people who probably attracted a lot of jealousy. But now? Who would be jealous?

I’m not sure about the idea that Empaths don’t objectify much and Narcissists do. My experience is that I treated myself as an object and because I did that, it also meant that I treated others as objects and allowed them to treat me that way.

I think that particularly unlovely dance of abuse between two people who play the roles of the abuser and the abused is all about being objects. It’s two people with a mutual agreement whereby no one has any real intimacy or connection and everyone gets to avoid responsibility for their true human feelings.

Amanda
I can relate to your comment about being invisible. That’s something I exercised when i was younger.

As for having teenagers, that’s funny. I had 2 boys. At a certain age, they didn’t want to be seen walking too close to me, even in places far from home. They didn’t care what i looked like but it was uncool to be with parents. they wanted their own space, movies and video games, and “good” (to them) food, served on time. (laughs)

So perhaps superficially less concerned with appearances (but very concerned with not being concerned) but still very self-absorbed and overly concerned with peers.

Its a normal stage of development but one we hope everyone outgrows. Not everyone does.

btw – my last sentence is right out of psychology. A lot of people stall out in earlier stages of moral and ego development. They don’t develop much abstract thinking (intellect), nor the deeper intuition and strong personal sense of self. They remain dependent on others perceptions of themselves and thus how they perceive others. They see others as objects because they see themselves as one. Also known as body identification.

“Susie”, great article. I love the “thinking woman’s” earrings! I would especially love to see all those women out front reporting the news to us today.

David, I truly am tired of getting my news and news analysis from “children”. I long for older, wiser, more worldly experienced commentators and presenters of the news. Anyone who watched Walter Cronkite report the assasination of Kennedy knows what I am talking about. There is no one out there now with the depth and breadth of experience of Cronkite, Winchel, Brinkly or Huntly, etc. They had class and they could report stories with a depth of understanding and perspective entirely lacking in todays media. I could enjoy listening to the news commentators who I didn’t even agree with because they presented their views with intelligence and respectful comportment.

Also, David, thank you for the link to that lovely song. I did recognize the Mudras. What a lovely presentation. And, thank you for all the wonderful, clarifications you provide here. We are very lucky to have you as a blog buddy!

Amanda, that’s so interesting that you see your children are currently at the stage you got stuck at. I got stuck at 12 because of that very issue. I found the sexual objectification I began to deal with at that age, which I was especially sensitive to as an empath, really traumatised me.

I shut down and tried as best I could to hide from that attention. In my early 30s I felt safe enough to deal with those issues. Part of that process involved me letting the simple teenage pleasure of dressing up come to the surface. I remember opening my wardrobe and seeing colour after years of just wearing black. I really enjoyed that experience.

I did think of that time as a coming to terms with having been objectified and learning that my femininity was not dangerous to me. I didn’t have to hide it or flaunt it, there wasn’t even an “it”.

Primmie, that’s pretty much what happened to me. I got stuck without even realising I was stuck and thought that the girls dressing up around me were shallow.

And of course I took refuge in spirituality 🙂

What’s relieving to me is how I’m finally getting it – and getting used to it as normal. There was a huge amount of residual fear to face – feeling lust coming at me and letting it be normal and a sign of healthy male confidence required a lot of courage.

The key to my PhD has arrived! A lot of my tension is dissolving.

I am a little ashamed to confess that because it feels rather late in life to develop normality around men.

Thank you for sharing about your stage of dressing all in black. My teenage daughter does, too, and I think maybe for the same reasons. She is jaw-dropping gorgeous, and everybody tells her so, and she hates hearing it. It never occurred to me that she would feel objectified, but it makes so much sense, now.

This whole conversation has been very helpful to me. Thank you to everyone!

Amanda
I would not feel ashamed at all. Part of life is bringing the pieces together into a greater wholeness. Some people naturally work out the surface of life and only later come to their inner life. Others go inside and develop there, then come back out later and tidy up the surface areas. And of course, there’s every variation thereof.

I recall being reminded of an article recently about artists. Some are precocious, coming out the gate early. And some are late bloomers where the creative expression gells later in life. This is a similar dynamic.

Thanks everyone for sharing. I was a late bloomer with women myself. Still learning about the other species. 😉

Comment #30… Yes, I understand completely. The blogger happens to live in Great Britain, as you could probably tell from the content of her blog. It’s sobering and yet sad to see that there are similar issues of age-ism there as seen in the United States, particularly with regard to women and youth.

The “thinking woman’s” earrings is hilarious. The blogger is referring to dangling chandelier-style earrings, which she really likes and which one of the female reporters was wearing in one of the photographs. The blogger does a great job of talking about “what’s real” – what real women wear, in their real day-to-day lives, and what real people are interested in seeing.

And, yes, I think many real people are interested in seeing their news delivered by non-children, by people with the wisdom and intelligence from living life that can only be earned through hard-won years of being at Earth School.

Amanda, I’m a fellow late developer. In many areas. I think they only developmental stage I hit alongside my peers was educational. Funnily enough I was talking to my husband about this last night as I spent the day with a new friend who has had a more “normal” life trajectory. My husband asked me if I would have liked that for myself. I said no. My life has been a bit different from the norm possibly, but it has suited me. I’ve liked the intensity and the confusion. I’m not really one to talk about souls, but if I were I would say that my life experiences have been just right for me.

I’m sorry to hear your daughter has developed Asthma. She is lucky to have a sensitive mother who understands why these things happen.

Somebody else, your daughter’s experience sounds very familiar! Black was a refuge for me for a long time.

But I am also against disrespectful language like ‘Most healthy women are not built like a coat hanger.’, because I AM built like a ‘coat hanger’ and I am NOT anorexic, never been. I eat a lot of food.

ISABELLE, thank you so much for these comments. Your perspective is important.

You know what makes the difference between someone like you versus somebody like Giselle Bundschen?

YOUR aura doesn’t scream “Feed me.”

If you think about it, you’re aware that I know this as well. Because we have been in more than one session together. If I had noticed this, ISABELLE, it would have been one of the first things I asked you about during the session.

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