Heroin Jokes

Q: What do women addicted to heroin got in common with ice-hockey players?
A: They both change clothes after three periods.

Q: How can you pick out the heroin addict in the grocery store?
A: He is the one with his cart flipped upside down fixing the wheels!

Q: What's the difference between a crackhead and a tweaker?
A: The crackhead will steal your shit and bounce, the tweaker will steal your shit and then help you look for it.

Q: There were nine fleas on a fanny. Four of them were smoking dope what were the other five doing?
A: Sniffing Crack.

Q: How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

Q: What can tourists do on a $65 tour of gang turf in Los Angeles?
A: Purchase a postcard, t-shirt, and some heroin!

Q: What do heroin, jaywalking & prostitution have in common?
A: They're all illegal, but people do them anyway.

Q: Who makes more money a heroin dealer or a prostitute?
A: A prostitute, because she can always wash her crack, and sell it again!

Q: How do you know that a Mexican drug cartel has purchased your favorite cereal companies?
A1: Sonny, the Cuckoo bird for Cocoa Puffs was arrested for carrying a kg of heroin!
A2: The Trix rabbit was found dead after an apparent ecstasy overdose!
A3: They use Tony the Tiger to promote an adult cocaine infused version of "Frosted Flakes"
A4: They change the slogan for Rice Krispies to "Snack on crack and pot...Rice Krispies!"

Q: What film is getting its lead actress Lindsay Lohan a lot of Oscar buzz?
A: Coke Whore!

Q: Why did Ann Coulter have to be rushed to the emergency room after doing heroin?
A: Apparently she walked naked past a mirror and saw her penis!

Q: What do you call a dictionary on heroin?
A: addictionary.

Q: Did you hear about the junkie that was addicted to brake fluid and heroin?
A: He said he could stop anytime

Q: Amy Winehouse's health is at risk due to her crack problem.
A: Her doctors say that if she doesn't wash it soon, she'll get gangrene.

Q: What happened after the Mexican government eliminated jail time for drug possession?
A: For the first time in history Mexico is worried about illegal immigration from the US!

Q: Why isn't heroin a discriminatory drug?
A: Heroin doesn't care about your looks, as long as you have good veins!

Q: What did the Heroin rock say to the vibrator?
A: What are you worried about I'm the one going to be abused!

Q: Why is heroin better than women?
A1: Heroin doesn't mind being abused.
A2: The heroin itself doesn't pose a risk of HIV infection.
A3: When travelling with heroin, you don't have to pay its ticket.
A4: High grade heroin is, after all, much cheaper than high grade women.

Samuel L. Jackson has actually overdosed on heroin on multiple occasions, and switched to cocaine.

Tobacco kills more people in the United States every year than alcohol, cocaine, heroin, homicide, suicide, car accidents, fire and AIDS combined.

I don't mean to be forward girl but do you swallow? Ok Cool. Swallow these 7 balloons of Heroin and get on this flight to Los Angeles

If you could bottle up hope and sell it, heroin and crack would seem like aspirin.

Thanks to Heroin I think I'm addicted to needles.

In the late 19th and the early 20th century, Heroin was sold as a children's cough medicine

In the 1930's, heroin and cocaine were actual prescribed medicines.

It is rumored that Mr. Jones in the hit Counting Crows song was the singer's "jones" for heroin.

O and o
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in
court
before the judge.
The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to
give you a second chance rather than
jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others
the evils of drug use and pursued them
to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the
judge said to the first one,
"How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs
forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this:
O o and told
them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this
(small circle)is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did
you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs
forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do
that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small
circle and told them,
"This is your asshole before prison...."