As negotiations for the US withdrawal from Afghanistan have once again come to a halt, the Taliban Supreme Council has offered to level the playing field by sending a group of 400 battle-hardened Taliban peacekeepers to the U.S. city of Chicago, to help pacify one of the most violent regions in the Great Plains area of the North American continent.

With many years of combat experience in violent areas of their own country and having fought rebels, insurgents, villagers, urban militias, rival drug lords, as well as Soviet and American occupying forces on foot, horses, camels, donkeys, and trucks, they may be just what the Chicago city officials need to pacify their own population and bring the recently publicized murder rate under control.

Details as to the logistical challenges have yet to be worked out, but already many US officials are expressing support for the idea.

"It's heart-warming to see the human interest the Taliban has taken in the plight of our inner-city minority residents," said Michael Dristun, a State Department analyst. "We're all excited about getting a fresh perspective on how to bring peace to rough, volatile neighborhoods."

Ramadullah, a concerned Taliban chieftain from the Swat Valley in Afghanistan, who follows the local tradition of only having one name, said that his people are "very troubled by the social problems in Chicago and simply want to help."

"We read the war stories coming out of Chicago and we ask ourselves, 'Why are they still fighting when their tribal chief has been elected President in 2007 and then also in 2012?'" Ramadullah said. "In our own country, we stop killing each other once we win elections. Well, mostly."

While no easy answers are expected, Ramadullah assured he knows how to keep the kill rate in check.

"When my advisors come to Chicago, all crime and murder will disappear once we impose Sharia Law," said Ramadullah, referencing the traditional form of Islamic jurisprudence.

"After the first dozen or so public executions at Wrigley Field, even the stupidest man will understand we mean business. Then we start getting some real change."

The Taliban chieftain also sees hope for places like Detroit, whose fleeing residents have left entire neighborhoods utterly abandoned. A healthy Afghan solution to this problem would be to enroll young people into a mandatory agricultural rehabilitation program.

"Goats are good companions and can live anywhere. Put them in the cities, and they will control the weeds, as well as keep the youngsters occupied and entertained," Ramadullah said. "Young Americans will be less tempted to rape and murder others for fun if they have goats around."

Cautiously celebrating the Taliban offer as its latest diplomatic victory in Afghanistan, the White House has described it as "a positive, responsible step towards ending colonial occupation of yet another Muslim country by the imperialist Yankees."

ONLY IN CHICAGO:

A Democratic Party-backed judge who won re-election in November while facing battery charges was found not guilty Monday — by reason of insanity.

The insanity verdict could aid the judge's effort to return to the bench.

Not long after Judge Cynthia Brim was charged in March with misdemeanor battery for shoving a deputy outside the Daley Center, a panel of supervising judges effectively suspended her, banning Brim from the county's courthouses without a police escort.

Judge Cynthia Brim, on trial for assaulting a deputy, passes through the Daley Center lobby.

I say why not have the Taliban come and utter words of pieces in Chitcago? We already have the Mexican drug cartels set up shop here, illegal aliens feeling right at home in their Balkanized "sanctuary city" and "same sex marriage" just a breath away from becoming "law". And being the equal opportunity employment epicenter for every failed libertine politician, community organizers and criminals cum candidates, this can only be an improvement. Here's to The Combine™.

How is one to use irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc. in Chitcago? How can we tell the difference between one and the other?

That's an easy question to answer: you have to have the moral courage and intellectual prowess of gubnah Pat "Larry Fine" Quinn, and be able to look good in a pin stripe suit while talking like pint-sized two-bit thug, like the Rahm Father, in order to maker it all work.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise