Saturday, April 22, 2017

The No-Reilly Factor

I
hate it when I'm forced to defend Megyn Kelly. Like when Trump said
she had blood coming out of her “wherever” because she dared ask
him his abhorrent comments toward women. I had to defend her because
she was right and Trump is a douche bag. But it pained me so to do
it. Because Megyn Kelly once thought it newsworthy to devote a
segment of her program to arguing the case that Santa Claus is
Caucasian. Which then caused me and my co-workers to joke about it.
Which then prompted The Most Annoying Person on Earth to come running
down the hall to defend the merits of Megyn Kelly. The Most Annoying
Person on Earth was met with laughter. He didn't take it well.

For
the rest of the day I was accosted with emails containing links to
Wikipedia pages proving Saint Nicholas was a real person and Megyn
Kelly knows whereof she speaks. I tried to ignore The Most Annoying
Person on Earth, but he was relentless as one would expect The Most
Annoying Person on Earth to be. I finally told The Most Annoying
Person on Earth that, yes, everyone knows there was a real Saint
Nicholas. However, he did not have a flying sleigh and magic
reindeer. So you and Megyn Kelly are arguing about a fictional
character and being super racist about it. The Most Annoying Person
on Earth didn't speak to me for a week and it was lovely.

It
may be worth noting The Most Annoying Person on Earth is gay. He is
in an interracial relationship. He is republican. One of these things
is not like the others.

I
also hate it when I have to defend Megyn Kelly because I watched her
interview the Duggars. The Duggers are the super creepy parents from
19 Kids and Counting whose
son molested his younger sisters. Megyn Kelly seemed to think
Josh Duggar, the incestuous molester, was the victim because Jesus or
something. Megyn Kelly also thought it was no big deal because the
girls were asleep whilst being molested. And I guess being asleep
means they were less violated...?

While
we're on the subject of molesting unconscious women, I can't help but
notice the hypocrisy from Fox News when one considers the way they
sunk their teeth into the Cosby story with rapturous glee. Yet, when
some pasty Jesus freak molests unconscious women it's okay.

Please
excuse me while I write an open letter to Fox News:

Dear
Fox and/or Friends,

Molesting
unconscious women is always wrong. Not just when a black guy does it.

Yours
Truly,

Donna
Troy

To
be clear, under no circumstances am I defending Bill Cosby. He's
totally guilty by his own admission. I feel no pity for him. I don't
care what happens to him. And I will never do Picture
Pages with him again. I'm simply pointing out Fox News is super
racist.

Which
brings me back to defending Megyn Kelly and my hatred of doing so.
Megyn Kelly recently left Fox News after alleging Roger Ailes
sexually harassed her as he did so many others. Bill O'Reilly felt
obligated to defend his fellow pervert and said to Megyn Kelly, “Shut
up and take it, slut.” Or something to the effect.

Fuck
America for making me defend Megyn Kelly. Of course, she was sexually
harassed by Roger Ailes. The man wouldn't even let her have sleeves
for Christ's sake. Not even in winter. She would have been doing the
news topless if Roger Ailes could have gotten it past the censors.
Megyn Kelly is racist. She defends child molesters and she spells
Megyn with a “y,” which is just stupid. But even Megyn Kelly
deserves sleeves.

This
brings me to Bill O'Reilly and his deplorable treatment of all the
other sleeveless women at Fox News. Fox News has fired Bill O'Reilly
for being obnoxious and creepy. Which is strange because they were
paying him eighteen million dollars a year to be obnoxious and
creepy. Fox also paid thirteen million dollars in hush money to
sleeveless women who were not willing to shut up and take it as
directed by Bill O'Reilly.

The
axing of Bill O'Reilly has filled some with the hope that society
will no longer tolerate the sexual harassment/abuse of women. Fox
News deserves no credit because they tried to hide it and only fired
Bill because advertisers pulled from his show. Advertisers like the
good people at Orkin who just killed the biggest pest of all. Also,
Fox News helped Donald Trump become president. And Donald Trump was
caught on tape admitting to grabbing pussy without the expressed
consent of the pussy owner.

If
you or someone you know was a fan/cult member of The O'Reilly
Factor who is
having trouble coping now that your
supreme leader has turned
out to be a pervert, I can help. Identifying perverts is relatively
easy once you know the signs. For example, let's say someone is a
leader in the “family values” movement and has declared himself
the moral arbiter of a nation. The person may have even written a
book titled, Old School,
in which he writes about how life was better in the good old days.
The days before sexual harrassment was a thing when
sluts just
shut up and took
it. This person is
probably a creeper. The
family values people are always
creepers.

Another
sign of a creeper is their tendency to tell obvious lies. For
example, let's say someone of some fame and stature has been accused
of being sexually inappropriate with co-workers. And then this person
of some fame and stature says
he's innocent and these
sleeveless women are only coming after him because he's rich and
famous. You know he's
lying. And you know he's lying because some of the sleeveless women
recorded him jacking it to their bear arms. And the “jacking it”
tapes have been public knowledge for a decade.

They
lie about things other than jacking it, of course. Bill O'Reilly has
“written” a series of horrible books about murdered historical
figures, which he is calledThe Killing Series.
The series includes such
titles as: Killing Lincoln,
Killing Kennedy,
Killing Jesus, and
Killing Reagan.
Reagan wasn't murdered. You knew that before you bought the book.
Also, stop buying his books. I know you're not reading them because
Fox News viewers don't read. If they did, they'd stop watching Fox
News. If you're insistent upon wasting your money on shit you don't
use, please check out my sponsor's website.

The
final obvious sign of a creeper is anger. All creepers have anger
issues. For example, let's say someone who fancies himself a
respected journalist has a segment on his show devoted to calling
people pinheads. He's probably a creeper with anger issues. They tend
to have anger issues because they can't come up with clever insults.
They're always on the ass end of an argument because pinhead is the
best they can do. All that anger builds up and they take it out on
people in vulnerable positions. Like when the video surfaced of Bill
O'Reilly screaming at crew members when he was
the host ofInside
Edition, or Access
Hollywood, or Dance
Party USA, or whatever the
fuck it was.

Or
the time Bill O'Reilly shouted
threats of violence at the
son of a 9/11 victim because the guy had the audacity
to advocate for peace. Because there is no room for peace in the “No
Spin Zone.” Bill O'Reilly told this guy to shut up and screamed for
his crew to cut the guy's mic. O'Reilly did that whole mic cutting
thing a lot when he got mad. Probably because he's incapable of
winning an argument due to his inability to deliver witty insults.

There
is also the time Bill O'Reilly had sleeveless women fired from Fox
News because they weren't cool with him jacking it to their bare
arms.

Fans/cult
members of Bill O'Reilly, I know the loss of your supreme leader is
heartbreaking for you. It's like some bitch told you it doesn't
matter if Santa Clause is white or black because he's a fictional
character and you're being super racist. You liked Bill because he
told you what you wanted to hear. Even
though some bitch has
been telling O'Reilly was
an angry, lying creeper for
years, but you didn't want
to hear it. Now, you must walk unprepared into the real world where
Santa Claus can be black and women can have sleeves. You will wallow
in despair while some bitch laughs at you with smug satisfaction.
And to
that I say, “Shut
up and take it, slut.”