POPCORN

07.29.14

Palin TV Will Be Comedy Central

The former half-term governor has started her own subscription-based Internet TV network. If nothing else, it is should provide a lot of unintentional hilarity.

You really can’t ask for a better way to start your week than with seeing the headline “Sarah Palin launches her own Internet TV channel.” It’s like Christmas came early—or maybe Palin timed the announcement to coincide with the end of Ramadan and this is her Eid present to Muslims.

In any event, on Sunday Palin unveiled her subscription-based Internet TV network, The Sarah Palin Channel. It costs $9.95 a month, which means that people earning the hourly minimum wage of $7.25—which Palin opposes raising—will have to work two extra hours a month to afford it.

I know what you are thinking: I love Sarah Palin, but is her network really worth that money? Well, let me give you a little tour of the Palin Channel so you can decide.

Her promo video—which looks like an SNL parody—lets us know right from the top that this “is a news channel that’s a lot more than news, it’s a community.” It appears that Palin has now become a community organizer—just like President Obama was. I guess he inspired her.

Palin then goes on to offer conservatives so much red meat that the network should come with a health warning. We see images of Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson, the guy who likened gays to criminals and people who rape animals. There’s Franklin Graham, who told us that Islam is a “very evil and wicked religion.” And we also see news stories the website will offer, focusing on one in particular: “The case for Obama’s impeachment.”

Palin then goes on to offer conservatives so much red meat that the network should come with a health warning.

The video even features a close-up of Sarah Palin’s painted toenails, which I guess is her way to attract the hard-to-reach demographic of conservatives with a foot fetish.

But you want to know what the channel is really about? Well, in the words of Palin, “Most importantly, I want you to talk directly to me.” And on Monday morning, Palin got exactly what she asked for: An avalanche of comedic tweets suggesting names for TV shows on Palin’s new network. In fact, the hashtag #PalinTVshows was the No. 1 topic trending on Twitter.

Here are a few of the suggested show titles:

I love Lucy but Deport Ricky - David Corn of Mother Jones.Abstinence Only In The City - comedian Lizz Winstead.Everybody Hates Obama - writer Tina Dupuy.Chico and the Border Patrol Agent - The Daily Beast’s very own Michael Tomasky.

I even offered Palin a few: “Person of No Interest” and “America’s Least Wanted.”

As if that wasn’t enough for you to whip out your credit card and sign up right now for Palin TV, there’s more, including a nifty clock that counts down the days, hours, and seconds until Obama leaves office. The channel also offers a bunch of news stories that will excite Tea Parteries of all ages, and even a “fun” image, quote and word of the day. For example, Monday’s image of the day features American colonists holding guns with the caption “Remember when the Colonists stood in line to register their muskets?”

Of course, in those days, the colonies didn’t have 300 million-plus guns and over 30 people per day being killed by gun violence, but who cares about facts: It’s Sarah Palin TV, baby!

I can’t understand why Palin didn’t show a sense of humor with her word or quote of the day. For example, today’s word of the day is “rectitude.” But why didn’t she use the word “refuditate,” which she coined in her infamous 2010 tweet calling on peaceful Muslims to “refudiate” the so-called Ground Zero Mosque.

Or why not offer a funny Palin quote of the day. Something like, “Obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” Look, Palin fans already love her, and self-deprecating humor makes you appear secure. So why not have a few jokes at your own expense?

The big question, of course, is if this will be a financial success. Love her or hate her, Palin is getting a ton of free publicity for her new venture, which is being produced in association with Tapp, a company formed by former CNN president Joe Klein and former NBC Universal TV head honcho Jeff Gaspin.

Obviously Palin’s new channel will bring comparisons to Glenn Beck’s subscription based media site The Blaze, which he started in 2010 after Fox News dumped him. The Blaze now features a full slate of conservative programs, including news programs, intentionally humorous shows like The B.S. of A, and unintentionally hilarious shows like the one hosted by Tea Party activist Dana Loesch. The Blaze now boasts 20 million unique visitors per day and is featured on 50 cable providers.

But there’s a big difference between Beck and Palin. Beck—who actually has performed stand-up comedy—understands that you shouldn’t always take yourself or the news so seriously. But when you watch Palin’s promo video, you get the sense she views herself as a journalist. (OK, stop laughing.)

Of course, there are people who tune into Fox News believing it’s actually a news channel, not a source for comedy. So, in the long run, Sarah Palin might actually get the last laugh.