Betting the Presidential Race

I love my country, but occasionally, it’s just too spectacular to believe.

Like the fact that the world’s foremost authority on obesity gave birth to “The Biggest Loser.” Or how a country whose identity is wrapped up so much in its big cities begins its political campaigns in Iowa – a state you do your best to avoid driving through let alone settling in.

Or how in a country so solemnly in love with democracy, you can gamble on the outcome of its political campaigns.

It almost feels a little wrong. Like throwing out half a bag of popcorn during the commercial break of the movie you’re watching – with one of those “for just 10 cents a day…” PSA’s playing in the background.

You almost feel guilty.

Almost.

IOWA CAUCUS – Democrats:

Hillary Clinton -225

Bernie Sanders +150

Martin O’Malley +10,000

Sanders is the only pick, here. You may not believe in the long-term prospects of a Doc Brown look-a-like calling for a political revolution, but in a pick ’em race, I’ll take the value.

IOWA CAUCUS – Republicans:

Donald Trump -400

Ted Cruz +175

Marco Rubio +1,200

Donald Trump is a little like Tim Tebow in Denver. You don’t know how he’s doing this, but he is, and you keep expecting it to end, but it doesn’t. And sure, he could throw an 80-yard touchdown pass to win a playoff game, but do you really want to bet on it? Give me a small bet on Rubio with so much value.

NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY – Democrats:

Bernie Sanders -600

Hillary Clinton +400

Martin O’Malley +10,000

Hammer Bernie Sanders.

NEW HAMPSHIRE PRIMARY – Republicans:

Donald Trump -500

John Kasich +800

Ted Cruz +900

Marco Rubio +700

Jeb Bush +2500

Chris Christie +2500

I don’t know why, but I’ve got a hunch about Christie – a northeast governor in a northeast state. Give me all that value.

DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE:

Hillary Clinton -400

Bernie Sanders +250

No bet. Lord knows it won’t be the guy who wants to disassemble everything we know about America, but how much can you believe in Clinton right now?

REPUBLICAN NOMINEE:

Donald Trump -230

Marco Rubio +225

Ted Cruz +1,000

At some point, it’s going to come crashing down for Trump – it will, right? RIGHT?! – so while you can get +225 on Rubio, jump at it.

NEXT PRESIDENT

Hillary Clinton EVEN

Donald Trump +190

Bernie Sanders +350

Marco Rubio +1000

Ted Cruz +2000

Michael Bloomberg +3300

You may not like the New England Patriots, and you may not think they’re going to win every game, but in the long term, you know they’re always the safest bet. Bet Clinton.