91983: Marrying a woman from the people of innovation, and are conditions stipulated by the woman’s guardians binding?

I am engaged with a girl recently. My family was not happy with this engagement initially because both families are not of the same cast (Cast system is dominant here in Sub-continent).Now the things are normal. But the problem is that my parents lived in a village and I lived in another city for seek of my job and study. Some of the relatives of my spouse also live in the same village (also her relatives are not happy about this engagement. The only reason is cast difference). My mother in law is insisting that she would not be going to marry her daughter me until I buy a house at city where I am living for my job/study (I visit my parent twice a month) and also marriage ceremony will not take place at my village. They conveyed these two statements to me. I clearly told them before the engagement that I have not enough resources to buy a house in city but I will take one on rent and so far as marriage is concerned it will take place at village. But right know they are insisting to do at city and also buy house first otherwise they will break this engagement. Both of these are not possible for me and I know it in advance that my parents will also not agree to have marriage ceremony at some other place. My parents are of the view that after marriage, they will help us to shift to city. I liked the girl very much and in fact I prayed for her for many times. I fear that if I say that both of your conditions are not possible for me they will negate the engagement. I do not want to lose the girl. I am really confused about that, I know Allah will do well for me Inshahallah; I just want more on this from you. Also should I clear them about my condition once again? Please take this all in consideration and suggest me some useful guide lines fro Quran and Sunnah as soon as possible.

Praise be to Allaah.

We do not really understand what you are saying about your
family and your fiancée’s family being from different castes. However, if
what you mean by caste is tribe or clan or lineage, then the matter is
simple and does not need any discussion from us; you will find information
in question no. 13780 about this matter.

But if what you mean by caste is that she belongs to a sect
that has different beliefs than yours – and we think that you are of ahl
al-sunnah (a Sunni) – then in this case we must point out to you that among
the sects that claim to belong to Islam are some that are beyond the pale of
Islam, and some which have deviated from the path of ahl al-sunnah
wa’l-jamaa’ah. Examples of the former include the Qadianis (Ahmadis),
Ismailis, Huloolis, Raafidis (Shi’ah) and the Bareilawis. Examples of the
latter include the Ash’aris, Maatreedis and Murja’is.

If your fiancée follows the beliefs of one the of sects that
are beyond the pale of Islam, then it is not permissible for you to marry
her, because they comes under the rulings on mushriks because of their
apostasy from Islam. If she follows the beliefs of one of the misguided
groups, then it is permissible for you to marry her, but you should be
cautious about that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) advised marrying women who are religiously-committed, so that
the husband’s own ‘aqeedah would be safe with her, and so that he can trust
her with his family and children.

‘Imraan ibn Hittaan was one of ahl al-Sunnah, and he married
a Khaariji woman in order to set her straight, but then he ended up becoming
one of the leaders of the Khawaarij.

See: Siyar A’laam al-Nubala’ by al-Dhahabi (2/214).

There are stern warnings narrated from the righteous salaf
against sitting with and keeping company with the people of innovation and
whims and desires.

Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:

Do not sit with people who follow whims and desires, for
sitting with them sickens the heart.

Tafseer al-Tabari (4/328).

Abu’l-Jawza’ said:

Because sitting with pigs is dearer to me than sitting with
any of those who follow their whims and desires.

Al-Ibaanah by Ibn Battah
(2/438).

Abu Qilaabah said:

Do not sit with the people who follow their whims and
desires, or talk with them, for I am not sure that they will not tempt you
into their misguided ways or confuse you about what you know.

Siyar A’laam al-Nubala’
(4/372).

Whatever the case, no doubt marrying a woman from ahl
al-sunnah is better for you and your family and your children, unless this
woman is like that because she is living among followers of innovation, and
perhaps you will be rewarded for bringing her out of that atmosphere.

It is not permissible for you to hold wedding celebrations
that include haraam things such as music, dancing and mixing. If that was
stipulated previously, it is a false condition and you do not have to fulfil
it.

In the answer to question no.
7577 we have explained how to
deal with such situations.

In the answer to question no.
9290 you will find information
on what it is permissible to use and listen to in celebrations.

If they insist on having a party – so long as it is free of
sin – then you can have two smaller parties – as is usually done by people
in your situation – one in their village and another with your own people.

Thirdly:

With regard to their stipulating that you should buy a house,
they have no right to stipulate that you should do that, unless that house
will be for their daughter and they want you to put it in her name. There is
no reason why the wife should not stipulate that the husband provide her
with accommodation in her own land, or in some other place, and after
marriage she has the right, if she wishes, to keep it or waive that right.

It is not up to the wife’s family to stipulate the conditions
of marriage unless they are doing it on behalf of their daughter, or the
conditions are in her interests. But if her guardian stipulates something
that has nothing to do with his daughter, that is not permissible. Rather
conditions are to be stipulated by the wife or by her guardian on her
behalf. In principle the guardian only has the right to agree to the
marriage or not. Even the mahr (dowry) belongs to the wife and she is the
one who stipulates it or delegates her guardian to stipulate it on her
behalf.

The wife or her guardian may stipulate that you will live in
their locality, and you are obliged to fulfil that condition, but they do
not have the right to stipulate whether the house will be bought or rented.

If you want them to drop this condition altogether, or at
least agree that the house is to be rented and not bought, then you must be
gentle in negotiating with them, and seek the help of knowledgeable and wise
people to speak to your fiancée’s family, and pray to Allaah to make things
easy for you.

We advise you to pray istikhaarah, for you may think that
this woman will be good for you and your children when in fact that is not
the case. We are ignorant and must seek the help of our Lord Who knows what
is best for His slave and decrees that for him. We are helpless so we must
seek the help of our Lord Who is able to make things easy or not, and He is
able to divert things and prevent them from happening. For more details
about the istikhaarah prayer, please see the answer to question no.
2217.

We hope that we have answered your question fully. We would
also remind you of the importance of making a good choice when seeking a
wife, and choosing one who is religiously committed, follows sound beliefs
and is of good character. We ask Allaah to grant you a righteous wife who
can help you to obey your Lord and protect you from that which is forbidden
to you.