After allegedly murdering her neighbor, an Atlanta woman is being defended by Allah. Her choice in defense attorney is certainly different from the “god told me to do it” defense, which for whatever reason, never works.

32-year-old Sahara Fakhir was arrested and brought up on murder charges for allegedly stabbing her 66-year-old neighbor – the father of a local sheriff’s deputy – to death. When Fakhir appeared in court Thursday morning, she was noticeably without an attorney. Or was she? The 6’2 450-pound perp claimed Allah was her lawyer and that he was speaking through her. “Allah is my lawyer right now, and if you do not release me, Allah will have his vengeance on you like he did in 2009, when he sent that flood,” Fakhir threatened.

Oh but the fun didn’t stop there, because what’s crazy talk without mention of the Illuminati, right? Before being taken away back to her cell, Fakhir casually warned, “All you Freemasons and Illuminati members all through this courthouse are gonna burn.” And if that Douglas County courthouse does burst into flames one day, boy, will I feel stupid.

On the upside, if Sahara does get convicted and sent to prison, there’s a 99.999% chance she’ll be running the joint.