If he liked you before, and you turned him down, and now you've changed your mind, he'll have you anyway.

If he tells you you look great, you don't necessarily. If he drools, you do.

As a general rule, any bloke on his own will snog any girl. Any girl. As long as she's less hairy then him.

If you're going to ask him out, check there isn't a footy game on the same night. Do not take 'sorry luv, I'm going to the footy' as a rejection. It means he's sorry, but he's going to the footy.

Your mind is important to him, but not when you're lying down.

If he says 'nice dress', it does not mean nice dress. It means 'shit, she's seen me staring at her body, how can I explain this?'

If you buy a bloke a drink, he'll be off to the condom machine before you can say oh-fuck-she-wants-me-and-I'm-married-with-6-kids-oh-fuck-it-I'll-shag-her-anyway'.

Kissing him during a film at the cinema is taken as acceptable. Kissing him during the footy will turn you into an ex-girlfriend.

Yes, he is looking at that other girl, and no, it's not because he thought he recognised her from somewhere.

HE does NOT think poetry and flowers and moonlit evenings are romantic, he thinks that YOU think they're romantic, and somewhere in that lot lies the key to your knickers.

All blokes want sex NOW.

If he says he'd like you to have his children, he's possibly trying to arrange babysitting because he wants to go to the footy tomorrow.

To get rid of a bloke, look deeply into his eyes, and say the one word that strikes terror into all their hearts - 'relationship'.

If he goes quiet during a date, and you ask him what he's thinking about, he'll probably lie his arse off eg 'oh, you, darling, how lucky I am'. What he's actually thinking about is the lass who just walked by, or maybe the footy game on Saturday.

You probably weren't the best sex he'd ever had, but he fears you might well be the LAST sex he's ever had if he doesn't say that.

The collection of porn magazines around his house are NOT there because a mate left them, OR because 'I'm just trying to learn... I want to make it better for YOU....'. They're there because it's diffcult to masturbate over the footy.

He knows you're lying, and he knows you know he's lying, but he also knows that neither of you will be able to lie when you've got your tongue wrapped around each others tonsils.