My Mother calls the police all the time about non-sensical things. The last time I was running an errand and was going to visit my longtime girlfriend but something told me to go home. when I came in Mom was sitting with the phonebook and when I asked her what she was doing she told me she was looking for someone to help with "those people outside". I don't know if anything happened while I was gone, but later found out my criminal nephew had been down telling Mom all sorts of ways his Mother was treating him badly. He is 35 years old and out of jail (for the 3rd time) this past August. I wish he would go away. I just threw up my hands and went in my bedroom - my sanctuary - and she called the police. So I got on the phone and listened. I guess they are tired of coming to the house since she calls so often. She went on and on about people in her yard, in her roof, spraying "stuff" in her yard, singing at night, finally exasperated the office said he thought they could look into it and after 20 minutes they hung up. She seemed satisfied that they would handle this problem and I've not heard another word. I am afraid that due to her numerous calls they will report her to someone. We live in a suburb of a small town and I don't know everything I need to know about the area. In a way it would be a blessing for someone else to "legally" get involved here in this problem as the few family members around seem only concerned about who is "in charge". She has a Will but no DPOA. I wonder if the court would grant that to me? So many questions and know real answers. I just hope I can mentally keep it together.

3 Answers

Mom is refusing to be seen by a doctor for her problem. She also refuses to believe anything is wrong with her at all and gets angry when any of us suggest it. My only recourse will be an upcoming doctor appointment she has for a yearly pacemaker exam. I tried making an appointment with her cardiologist with a letter I sent explaining the problems but she refused to go. Her PCP obviously is an idiot because he gave her that stupid little alzheimer test and said he couldn't see anything wrong with her. And he refused a CT because he said she had one a few years ago!!! Needless to say we will not be going to see him again. Thus I am at the mercy of her other doctors. The appointment is Wednesday and she is going, so I have typed yet another letter for the nurse to give her doctor before he goes in to examine her.I am just about out of ideas except to just call adult protective services. I am trying to set up an appointment with an attorney who use to be a family court judge to see what options I have.

I'm not sure how the police will react in your area, but the local police here tend to take that kind of thing with a grain of salt. Before we put all the phones out of his reach, dad called 911 three times in an afternoon. The officer finally asked to talk to someone else in the house. Mom got on the phone, and the officer said they would be contacting senior services, but more to help (and make sure there was no abuse or neglect) than to harass.

You should get in contact with a social worker. You probably need some help, and your mother needs to be evaluated to see what kind of services she qualifies for, financially, and by her level of need. You've got every right to get out of the house and enjoy yourself without worrying if she's calling the police. Set aside the DPOA issue for the moment, and realize that YOU need to be proactive, and take that first step. You have to make the call to get some help. I don't know how far your mother's dementia has progressed, but you cannot do this by yourself without making yourself sick with stress. Get some help.

Who is treating your mother's dementia? A neurologist? Geriatric psychiatrist? Have you discussed this behavior with the doctor?

As her caretaker you should probably have DPOA, which she can grant you if she is legally competent to do so. Would she be able to understand the concept of appointing you to act on her behalf? Would she be willing? I'm not sure how having DPOA would help with this particular behavior, however.

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