Keeping Up Appearances s05e10 Episode Script

The Hostess

( theme music
playing )
WAS THAT THE PAPERS?
ARE YOU ASLEEP,
RICHARD?
I'M SURPRISED
YOU CAN SLEEP.
YOU KNOW IT'S
AN IMPORTAN DAY FOR ME.
MMM?
I'LL BE SURPRISED
IF YOU CAN SLEEP
MUCH LONGER.
DID YOU BOL THE DOOR?
THE DOOR?
IT'S THAT THING
THAT STOPS THERE BEING
A HOLE IN THE WALL.
WHAT TIME IS IT?
IT'S THE EARLY HOURS
OF THE MORNING.
A PARTICULARLY
DANGEROUS TIME
FOR INTRUDERS.
WHY?
WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM?
OH, DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.
I'M ONLY THINKING
OF OUR SAFETY.
I DON'T WANT YOU
WORRYING ABOUT INTRUDERS.
I WASN'T WORRYING,
I WAS ASLEEP.
LUCKY YOU.
I MIGHT BE ASLEEP
IF I THOUGHT YOU'D
BOLTED THE DOOR.
WHY DON'T I GO
AND BOLT THE DOOR?
OH, RICHARD,
WOULD YOU?
WHAT A KIND
THOUGHT.
AND SEE
IF THE PAPER'S COME
WHILE YOU'RE THERE.
OH, THAT'S WHA THIS IS ALL ABOUT.
I THOUGH I HEARD A NOISE.
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
THE PAPER.
COULD'VE BEEN
AN INTRUDER.
AND CHECK THE BACK DOOR
WHILE YOU'RE THERE.
( brakes squeak )
THERE IT IS.
HAVE A GOOD LOOK, LAD.
THAT'S THE HOUSE.
THE LAIR OF
THE DRAGON LADY.
MRS. BUCK--
"BOUQUET."
SHE'S WHY WE GET UP
AN HOUR EARLY.
BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT,
JUST TO BE ABLE TO WALK
DOWN THAT PATH
AND DELIVER HER MILK
WITHOUT GETTING CAUGHT.
( inhales deeply )
DO YOU WANT ME
TO GO?
ALL RIGHT
BETTER NOT.
I PROMISED YOUR MOTHER
I'D LOOK AFTER YOU.
BEN,
YOU TAKE THAT SIDE.
I'LL GO.
I CAN DO IT.
( inhales )
JUST AS LONG AS I KNOW
SHE'S SAFELY IN BED.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU
CHECKING, RICHARD.
( groans )
ANSWER ME.
I CAN'T HEAR
YOU CHECKING.
I'M CHECKING
AS I GO.
- Hyacinth: AS QUICK
AS YOU CAN, DEAR.
- ( gasps )
( glass shatters )
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- WHAT ARE YOU--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP
AT THIS HOUR?
IT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
RICHARD?
SHE'S NOT GETTING UP,
IS SHE?
WHAT KIND OF A MAN ARE YOU
MAKING YOUR WIFE GET UP
THIS EARLY?
SHE'S NOT GETTING UP.
CAN I HAVE THA IN WRITING?
- I HOPE SO.
- RIGHT.
I'LL CLEAR
THIS LOT UP.
JUST MAKE QUITE SURE
THAT SHE'S NOT GETTING UP.
- WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO?
- THE MILKMAN.
WHY IS HE ALWAYS
SO EARLY NOWADAYS?
I MISS
OUR LITTLE CHATS.
YES, SO DOES HE
AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY.
RICHARD,
YOU'RE NOT GOING
BACK TO SLEEP AGAIN?
IT DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE IT.
SURELY YOU'RE
A LITTLE EXCITED
TO THINK
I'M ON THE VERGE
OF A NEW CAREER.
YEAH, I AM
A LITTLE EXCITED.
I'M VERY SLEEPY
AND A LITTLE EXCITED.
PLEASE, CAN WE
GET BACK TO SLEEP?
ALL-LL RIGHT.
IT'S NO GOOD.
I MUST BE UP
WHEN THE PAPERBOY COMES.
SUPPOSE WHEN HE PUSHES
IT THROUGH OUR LETTERBOX
HE TEARS THE VERY PAGE
DISPLAYING MY ADVERTISEMENT?
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING.
- I WAS GOING.
BUT HYACINTH KEEPS
POPPING OUT EVERY 30 SECONDS
LIKE A DEMENTED
CUCKOO CLOCK.
OH, I'M NEVER
GOING TO MAKE I WITHOUT HER SPOTTING ME.
- I THOUGHT YOU
WANTED TO BE EARLY TODAY.
- I DID WANT TO BE EARLY,
BUT NOT SO BADLY THA I WANT TO GET ENTANGLED
WITH HYACINTH.
YOU CAN'T JUS STAY INDOORS BECAUSE
YOU MIGHT MEET HYACINTH.
OH, YES I CAN.
I KNOW WHEN
I'M WELL OFF.
THERE SHE GOES AGAIN.
WHAT ON EARTH IS SHE DOING?
GO ON,
NOW'S YOUR CHANCE.
I'M NEVER
GOING TO MAKE IT.
WELL, YOU WON' IF YOU DON'T HURRY.
I THOUGH I HEARD HIM.
HOW CAN YOU HEAR A PAPERBOY
HALF ASLEEP IN TRAINERS?
HOW MUCH NOISE
COULD HE MAKE?
- I DO HATE I WHEN THEY'RE LATE.
- IS HE LATE?
PERHAPS I'D BETTER
MAKE A PHONE CALL.
WHO WOULD YOU CALL
FOR A LOST PAPERBOY?
YOU CAN'T CALL ANYBODY.
HE WON'T BE LOST,
HE'LL BE ON HIS WAY.
I WONDER IF HE'S
AVOIDING ME
DELIBERATELY,
BECAUSE I MADE HIM
WASH HIS EARS.
WHAT GAVE YOU CAUSE
TO DO THAT?
I CAUGHT HIM
POKING THEM.
I WILL NOT HAVE
MY PAPERS DELIVERED
BY SOMEONE
WHO POKES HIS EARS.
YOU BROUGH THE PAPERBOY IN
TO WASH HIS EARS?
GOOD HEAVENS, NO, RICHARD.
OF COURSE I DIDN'T.
DO I LOOK LIKE
THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO'D HAVE
A PAPERBOY INDOORS?
NO, I TOOK HIM OU A WET WIPE.
AND I STOOD OVER HIM
UNTIL HE'D DONE THE JOB
PROPERLY.
I MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO INFLUENCE
MANY OF THE WAYS
OF THIS WORLD,
BUT AT LEAS MY PAPERBOY
HAS CLEAN EARS.
PAPERBOY.
( Hyacinth singing )
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL--
COO-EE!
GOOD MORNING, EMMET.
- OFF TO WORK THEN?
- NO, NO.
I THOUGHT I'D JUST POP OU AND BEGIN STRANGLING
OVERPOWERING LADIES.
OH, THAT'S NICE.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE PAPERBOY?
SO THAT'S WHO
YOU'RE WAITING FOR.
I HAVE AN ADVERTISEMEN IN THE PAPER THIS MORNING.
I WANT TO MAKE SURE
THEY'VE PLACED I SOMEWHERE SUITABLE.
I KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN,
HYACINTH.
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS
THAT WE ENCOUNTER IN LIFE
THAT WE'D ALL LOVE
TO PLACE SOMEWHERE SUITABLE.
AH, THERE HE IS NOW.
ABOUT TIME.
I'M SORRY, EMMET,
I CAN'T STOP TO CONVERSE.
WE MUST HAVE OUR CHA SOME OTHER TIME. YOUNG MAN!
( Hyacinth panting )
WELL, WHA HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED
TO CATCH A PAPERBOY?
TEA. TEA.
- ( sighs )
- IS YOUR ADVERT IN?
SEE IF YOU CAN FIND IT,
WILL YOU, DEAR?
OH-- I CAN'T FOCUS PROPERLY.
THE WORLD'S DANCING ABOUT.
OH.
MM-MM.
OH, I'LL HAVE
TO COLLECT MYSELF
BEFORE THE PHONE
BEGINS TO RING.
NOW THAT MY
ADVERTISEMENT'S
APPEARED
I SHALL BE INUNDATED
WITH CALLS.
YOU'LL HAVE
TO HELP ME, RICHARD.
ARE YOU SURE
IT'S IN THIS WEEK?
LOOK FOR SOMEWHERE
PRESTIGIOUS.
IT'S QUITE SMALL,
BUT THEY PROMISED
SPECIFICALLY
- TO PUT I SOMEWHERE PRESTIGIOUS.
- AND WHAT DOES IT SAY?
"EXPERIENCED HOSTESS
OFFERS HER SERVICES
FOR YOUR SPECIAL
OCCASION."
FOLLOWED BY
MY TELEPHONE NUMBER.
WELL, IS THAT ALL?
NO WONDER I CAN'T FIND IT.
SHORT AND DIGNIFIED,
DEAR.
YOU KNOW ME,
I'M NEVER ONE
TO GO ON AT LENGTH.
( Cockney accent )
NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE
KNOW THAT.
- OH, AH--
- DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.
DON'T BE SILLY.
HERE IT IS,
HERE IT IS.
SHORT AND DIGNIFIED.
( sighs )
IT'S A BIG DAY
FOR ME, RICHARD.
THIS COULD BE THE STAR OF SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
I COULD BECOME
THE BARBARA CARTLAND
OF THE WEST MIDLANDS
SOCIAL CIRCUIT SCENE.
YES, NOT TO MENTION
"A PAPERBOY
WET-WIPER
OF THE YEAR."
IT'S NOT JUS A CAREER, RICHARD.
IT'S MY DUTY TO SHARE
MY IMPECCABLE TASTE
FOR A WELL-LAID TABLE.
IN MY OWN SMALL WAY,
I SHALL BEGIN
TO ADVISE AND EDUCATE
THE NATION IN GRACIOUS LIVING.
FOR MY ADVANCED CLASSES,
I SHALL TEACH PEOPLE
TO SPARKLE INCANDESCENTLY
AT THEIR CANDLELIGHT SUPPERS.
OH-HH, I DO HOPE
YOU'LL STOP ME, RICHARD,
IF I EVER DECIDE
TO CHASE ANOTHER PAPERBOY.
NOW, WHAT SHALL I WEAR
TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE?
YOU USED TO LIKE ME
IN THAT PINK DRESS.
YOU USED TO SAY,
"WOW, DAISE, THAT PINK DRESS."
( groans )
WHAT WAS IT YOU LIKED
ABOUT MY PINK ONE?
YOUR PINK WHAT?
MY PINK DRESS.
YOU SAID YOU LIKED ME
IN THAT PINK DRESS.
OH, DAISE.
WHAT KIND OF WAY IS THA TO WAKE A PERSON UP?
OTHER PEOPLE
GET A CUP OF TEA.
YOU SAID I LOOKED
"REALLY EDIBLE"
IN THAT PINK DRESS.
YOU HAVEN'T GO A PINK DRESS.
NOT NOW, YOU TORE I OFF ME THAT NIGHT.
- I TORE IT OFF YOU?
- YES, YOU DID.
YOU MUST HAVE BEEN
ON FIRE.
IT WAS YOU
THAT WAS ON FIRE.
YOU SAID
I LOOKED LIKE
"A STRAWBERRY ICE
WITH CARAMEL TOPPING."
YOU HAD TO BE PREVENTED
FROM LICKING ME ALL OVER.
( slurps )
HOW LONG AGO
WAS THIS?
IT WAS BEFORE
WE WERE MARRIED.
I FIGURED
THAT MUCH.
WILL YOU COME HERE
A MOMENT, DEAR?
TELL ME DOES THIS
LOOK SUITABLE?
FOR WHAT?
FOR ANSWERING
THE TELEPHONE.
DOES IT REALLY MATTER
WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE
ANSWERING THE PHONE?
WELL, OF COURSE
IT MATTERS, RICHARD.
PEOPLE HAVE
A RIGHT TO EXPEC THEIR SOCIAL ADVISOR
TO BE SUITABLY ATTIRED
WHEN ANSWERING THE TELEPHONE.
- ( phone rings )
- OH!
RICHARD, IT COULD BE
MY FIRST CLIENT!
( ringing continues )
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE,
THE LADY OF THE HOUSE SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU, VIOLET.
LOOK, VIOLET, I CAN'T STAY
LONG ON THE TELEPHONE, DEAR.
I'M EXPECTING
SOME VERY IMPORTAN BUSINESS CALLS.
I DON'T REMEMBER
TEARING YOUR DRESS OFF.
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WERE WITH ME?
- DO YOU MIND?
- I DON'T USUALLY
TEAR YOUR DRESS OFF.
I'VE NOTICED.
YOU'VE USUALLY
GOT IT OFF BEFORE
I GET THROUGH THE DOOR.
IT WAS ONE OF ROSE'S
ENGAGEMENT PARTIES. YEAH.
WELL, THAT DOESN' NARROW IT DOWN MUCH.
YOUR ROSE HAS HAD
MORE ENGAGEMENT PARTIES
THAN I'VE HAD
BAGS OF CRISPS.
I HEARD THAT.
- FATHER'S ALREADY
UP AND DRESSED.
- WHAT'S HIS HURRY?
OH, HE GOES TO HIS
HOBBY CIRCLE TODAY.
BUT THAT'S NO TILL THIS EVENING.
- HE DOESN'T WAN TO BE LATE.
- Daisy: ROSE?
MM-MM?
WHO WERE YOU GETTING
ENGAGED TO WHEN I WORE
A PINK DRESS?
A PINK DRESS?
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
ME NEITHER.
IT WAS AT ONE
OF YOUR ENGAGEMENT DOS.
( squeals )
WHAT WAS I WEARING?
WELL, IT WOULDN'T BE WHITE,
I CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH.
- BUT WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- NOW SIT THERE, RICHARD.
AND THEN YOU WON' MISS ANY CALLS.
I CAN HEAR THE PHONE
PERFECTLY WELL FROM
THE LOUNGE.
NO, YOU'LL BE
QUITE COMFY, DEAR.
READ SOMETHING.
LOOK,
THE TELEPHONE BOOK.
NOW, I WON' BE A MOMENT.
I'M SIMPLY
GOING TO INVITE
ELIZABETH FOR COFFEE.
BUT WHY DON'T YOU PHONE HER?
THAT'S WHAT YOU NORMALLY DO.
RICHARD, WE HAVE
TO KEEP THIS LINE FREE.
IT'S BAD ENOUGH
THAT CALLS
FROM PEOPLE RESPONDING
TO MY ADVERTISEMEN WILL HAVE TO TAKE THEIR TURN
STACKING UP AT THE EXCHANGE,
WITHOUT MAKING BT'S LIFE
EVEN MORE DIFFICULT.
NOW, WE MAY HAVE TO HAVE
A SECOND LINE INSTALLED.
- BUT, HYACINTH--
- NO, ANYWAY
IF THERE'S A CALL FOR ME,
FETCH ME IMMEDIATELY.
I'LL DO THAT.
OH, AND DO ANSWER
THE TELEPHONE NICELY, RICHARD.
THE WAY I DO.
( telephone ringing )
THE "BOUQUET"
RESIDENCE,
THE LADY
OF THE HOUSE
SPEAKING.
NO, I DO NOT HAVE
A SPECIAL OFFER
ON SPICY PRAWN BALLS.
THIS IS NO THE CHINESE TAKE-AWAY.
AND WILL YOU PLEASE GET OFF
MY WHITE SLIMLINE TELEPHONE
WITH LAST NUMBER REDIAL?
WE'LL SOON FIND OU WHEN IT WAS.
I'VE GOT ROSE SORTING
OUT PHOTOS FROM HER
ENGAGEMENT PARTIES.
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
GIVE HER THE HAND
TO CARRY THEM,
OTHERWISE SHE'LL
GIVE HERSELF A HERNIA.
( bangs )
( TV plays )
SOME OF ROSE'S PHOTOS
IN HERE, SOMEWHERE.
( groans )
WE COULD PU THAT ALBUM ON ONE SIDE.
THOSE ARE
MY EARLY ONES.
YES, WE CAN FORGET ABOU THE BLACK AND WHITE ONES.
AND THE SEPIA.
( giggles )
OOH--!
- THERE YOU ARE, DEAR.
- THANK YOU, HYACINTH.
I'M SO GLAD
YOU COULD COME,
ELIZABETH.
BUT DON'T BE SURPRISED
IF I HAVE TO DASH OFF
TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE.
SOUNDS VERY EXCITING,
THIS NEW VENTURE OF YOURS,
HYACINTH.
YES, DOESN'T IT?
ALSO, I FEEL IT'S A DUTY
ON MY PART, YOU KNOW?
GOOD TASTE
IS SO VERY RARE
THESE DAYS.
THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD
OUT THERE IN NEED
OF MY ADVICE--
- CREAM?
- OH, THANK YOU, HYACINTH.
WHAT EXACTLY ARE THE SERVICES
YOU'RE OFFERING?
OH, EVERYTHING CONNECTED
WITH SOCIAL ETIQUETTE
AND GRACIOUS
ENTERTAINING. SUGAR?
THANK YOU.
EVERYTHING FROM
HOW TO LAY A TABLE
IN THE MANNER
OF YOUR SOCIAL BETTERS--
OH, NO TONGS.
--TO ADVICE ON MENUS
FOR THE UNIMAGINATIVE.
"UNIMAGINATIVE"?
MM-MM.
THE KIND OF THINGS
PEOPLE EXPERIENCE
AT MY CANDLELIGH SUPPERS.
I WOULDN'T MIND
A COFFEE.
RICHARD, GO AND SI BY THE TELEPHONE, DEAR.
WE WILL HEAR I IN HERE.
EXCUSE ME, ELIZABETH.
DO HELP YOURSELF
TO A BISCUIT, DEAR.
NOW LOOK, RICHARD,
I CANNOT BE IN TWO
PLACES AT ONCE.
I WANT YOU
TO SIT HERE WITH
PENCIL AT THE READY
TO TAKE DOWN NAMES
AND ADDRESSES.
( voice rising )
BUT I CAN HEAR THE TELEPHONE
PERFECTLY WELL IN THE KITCHEN.
SHH-HH!
PRECISELY.
DELICIOUS,
AREN'T THEY?
LOOK I COULDN' SAY THIS IN FRON OF ELIZABETH,
BUT SHE DOES HAVE
THIS UNFORTUNATE HABI OF DROPPING SOMETHING
EVERY TIME THE TELEPHONE RINGS.
IF THIS HAPPENS,
I MIGHT BE DISTRACTED--
TORN BETWEEN THE RINGING
AND THE FATE
OF MY POLISHED TABLE
OR HANDMADE BURMESE RUG.
NOW, SIT HERE
WITH YOUR PENCIL
AT THE READY.
( mocking )
"SITTING WITH MY PENCIL
AT THE READY."
OH, I LIKED HIM.
I WISH YOU'D MARRIED
THIS ONE.
OH, THAT ONE?
YES, IT LOOKED ALL RIGHT,
BUT IT WAS UNDERPOWERED.
HE WAS
UNDERPOWERED.
ANY MORE BREAKFAST?
YOU'VE DRUNK IT ALL.
WHO'S THIS?
WHEN WERE YOU
ENGAGED TO THIS?
I DON'T KNOW.
ARE YOU SURE
IT'S ONE OF MINE?
WELL, THAT'S YOU
ON HIS ARM.
( chuckles )
OH, YES.
I DON'T REMEMBER
HIM AT ALL.
92
93
- ( glass rattles )
- WOULD YOU LIKE
A LITTLE TOP-UP, DEAR?
OH, NO, NO, NO, THAT'S FINE.
THANK YOU, HYACINTH.
WELL, YOU MUSTN' LET IT GET COLD.
I SHALL ALSO ADVISE,
OF COURSE,
ON APPROPRIATE MUSIC
FOR ELEGANT SOIREÃES.
AND I KNOW JUST THE PERSON
TO HELP ME THERE.
EMMET.
WE GET ON SO WELL,
YOUR BROTHER AND I.
I'M SURE HE'D ENJOY
WORKING OUT A PROGRAM
WITH ME.
OH, SOGGY "BICKIES."
EMMET'S VERY BUSY,
HYACINTH.
PERHAPS ON SPECIAL
OCCASIONS
THE TWO OF US COULD
PERFORM TOGETHER
MUSICALLY.
ONLY FOR MY VERY BES CLIENTS, OF COURSE.
I WANT THIS
WHOLE THING TO BE
STATELY AND GRACIOUS.
THE ESSENCE OF THE AR OF ENTERTAINING LIES,
I ALWAYS THINK,
IN ESTABLISHING
AN ATMOSPHERE OF
GRACE AND DECORUM.
- ( telephone ringing )
- OH!
THE "BOUQUET" RESIDENCE,
THE LADY OF THE HOUSE
SPEAKING.
OH, IT'S YOU,
DAISY.
IT'S MY SISTER
DAISY.
SHE'S NOT THE ONE
WITH THE MERCEDES, SAUNA,
AND ROOM FOR A PONY.
OH, RICHARD-- GET OU OF THE WAY, DEAR.
OH RICHARD,
YOU'RE ALWAYS
IN THE WAY, DEAR.
DAISY,
WHAT IS IT, DEAR?
LOOK, I CAN'T STAY LONG
ON THE TELEPHONE.
THIS IS NOW
A BUSINESS LINE.
I'M EXPECTING
CLIENTS TO CALL.
HOW'S DADDY?
OH, DEAR DADDY.
DADDY'S GONE TO HIS
HOBBY CIRCLE.
I KNEW DADDY
WAS A BORN PHILATELIST.
DO I REMEMBER WHO, DEAR?
ROSE'S FIANCEÃS?
YES, I'M AFRAID
I DO REMEMBER ROSE'S FIANCEÃS.
THE ONE
IN THE GREEN SUIT?
NO, I MEAN, I CAN' REMEMBER HIS NAME,
BUT I DO VAGUELY REMEMBER
SOMEONE IN A GREEN SUIT.
RICHARD, WHOM DID ROSE
BECOME ENGAGED TO
IN A GREEN SUIT?
I DON'T THINK
I'VE EVER SEEN ROSE
IN A GREEN SUIT.
NOT HER, HIM.
OR SHOULD THAT BE,
"NOT SHE, HE"?
THANK YOU
FOR THE COFFEE,
HYACINTH.
ALWAYS A PLEASURE,
ELIZABETH.
I'D RATHER
YOU DIDN'T CLIMB
OVER THE WALL, DEAR.
SOMEBODY WHO'S READ
MY ADVERTISEMEN MIGHT JUST HAPPEN
TO BE WATCHING.
YOU WILL TELL EMME ABOUT MY LITTLE PLANS
FOR HIM?
OH, I THINK PERHAPS
YOU'D BETTER TELL HIM.
I'M SURE
HE'D BE THRILLED.
I'M SURE HE'LL BE
MORE THAN THRILLED.
AND TELL HIM
HE MUSTN'T BE SHY.
I'LL BE THERE
WITH HIM.
HE'LL BE WITH SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS
HOW TO CONDUCT HERSELF
IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS.
( loudly )
HYACINTH, TELEPHONE!
( softly )
RICHARD!
PLEASE DON'T SHOU IN THE STREET.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
TO GO ABOUT SHOUTING
IN THE STREET.
YOU'VE GOT A CLIENT.
HOW DO I LOOK?
HOW DO I LOOK?
HELLO.
"SCINTILLATING SOCIALIZING."
SENIOR SOIREÃE
STAFF SUPERVISOR SPEAKING.
YES.
HOW MANY ARE YOU?
20? OH, NO, WE ENJOY
THE LARGER FUNCTIONS.
YES.
NO GOOD BEING ELEGAN IF THERE'S NO ONE
THERE TO SEE IT.
OUR FEES?
OH, WELL, I'M SURE
THAT NORMAL PROFESSIONAL RATES
WILL BE ADEQUATE.
YES, I THINK
I CAN PROMISE YOU
YOU'RE IN
FOR A TREAT.
ADDRESS?
24A
MARKET STREET.
THAT'S NICE AND CENTRAL.
YES, AND TIME? 6:00.
AND WHEN? TODAY.
TODAY?!
NO, WELL IT IS
RATHER SHORT NOTICE,
BUT DON'T WORRY,
WE SHAN'T LET YOU DOWN.
GOODBYE.
OH, RICHARD
RICHARD,
MY FIRST CLIENTS.
20 PEOPLE,
ALL WANTING TO IMPROVE
THEIR SOCIAL GRACES.
Hyacinth:
EMMET!
MY MUSICAL FRIEND.
HYACINTH,
YOU LOOK AMAZING.
THANK YOU.
I'M GOING CONSULTING.
SOON? I HOPE.
IMMEDIATELY.
I'M ON MY WAY NOW
IF ONLY RICHARD
WOULD STOP DAWDLING.
- RICH-ARD!
- ( screams )
WHAT A PITY
EMMET COULDN'T COME.
I'M SURE HE
WAS DEVASTATED.
HE WOULD HAVE
SO ENJOYED IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHO
THESE PEOPLE ARE,
BUT THEY'RE CLEARLY
INTERESTED IN MUSIC.
THEY INVITED ME
TO BRING MY OWN.
WHY DID THEY
NEED MUSIC?
BACKGROUND, DEAR.
MIND THE PEDESTRIAN.
SHE IS
ON THE PAVEMENT.
SHE MIGH DECIDE TO CROSS.
ER-- MINDING
THE PEDESTRIAN.
I CAN'T SEE 24A,
CAN YOU?
I CAN' EVEN SEE 24.
STOP THE CAR.
( brakes squeal )
WE MUST HAVE PASSED IT.
REVERSE, RICHARD.
I CAN'T 'CAUSE THIS IS
A ONE-WAY STREET.
OH, REALLY.
FANCY CHOOSING
A ONE-WAY STREET.
I DIDN'T CHOOSE IT.
WE'LL HAVE
TO WALK BACK.
COME ALONG, RICHARD.
DON'T DAWDLE. I MUSTN' BE LATE.
I'M ON THE DOUBLE--
- OH, HERE IT IS.
- WHAT, ABOVE A SHOP?
WHY NOT? A GROUP
OF LIKE-MINDED ENTHUSIASTS
NEEDS SOMEWHERE CENTRAL
TO HOLD THEIR MEETINGS.
NOW, WAIT HERE, RICHARD.
I'LL GO AND RELIEVE
THEIR MINDS.
THEY MUST BE WONDERING
WHERE I'VE GOT TO.
AND I'LL FIND OU WHAT TIME
YOU SHOULD COME BACK
AND PICK ME UP.
- HELLO, RICHARD.
- DAVID, HELLO.
LET YOU OU ON YOUR OWN, HAS SHE?
( laughs )
OOPS, SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID THAT.
IT JUST SLIPPED OUT.
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S NO A VERY SUBTLE
OBSERVATION, IS IT?
FAIRLY ACCURATE,
ALL THE SAME.
IF YOU DON'T MIND
MY ASKING, HOW LONG
HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED NOW?
32 YEARS.
32 YEARS?
GOOD HEAVENS.
STILL, LOOK
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE,
YOU SHOULD BE DUE
FOR PAROLE SOON.
( laughs )
COME ALONG,
RICHARD.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT IS IT?
WHAT A MERCY
I DIDN'T BRING
MY ROYAL DOULTON
WITH THE HAND-PAINTED
PERIWINKLES.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- WE'RE GOING HOME.
- HOME?
GET THIS DOOR OPEN,
RICHARD.
OH, GIVE ME
THOSE KEYS.
IT CAN'T BE OVER
ALREADY.
IT IS FOR ME.
THEY MISREAD
MY ADVERT.
THEY WERE ALL MEN
AND THEY THOUGH I WAS GOING TO BE
A STRIPTEASE ARTIST.
( mutters )
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
NOW DON'T GET SETTLED,
RICHARD.
YOU HAVE
ONE LAST TASK
TO PERFORM.
- WHAT'S THAT?
- TO GO BACK INTO
NUMBER 24A.
WHY,
FOR GOODNESS SAKE?
TO GET DADDY OUT.
( theme music playing )