Comments on: Why You MUST Persevere in Online Datinghttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/
Understand Men. Find Love.Tue, 03 Mar 2015 18:19:13 +0000hourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.1By: BeenThereDoneThathttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-100466
Mon, 29 Nov 2010 23:44:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-100466I should have clarified – I have never said in my actual profile that I’m looking for friends first. I will say to a guy that I want to be friends first when it seems that he is pushing for a relationship before we’ve even met. I guess it is a way of slowing someone down who seems to be moving WAY TOOOO FAST!
]]>By: Gabriellehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-100415
Mon, 29 Nov 2010 14:46:32 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-100415@BeenThere, etc. (#52)
I see your point, BUT…”friends first and then we’ll see” is such a stock phrase, right up there with “I know how to treat a woman,” “I love to pamper/spoil,” and “Looking for a Good Woman”.
When I see those phrases in a profile, I don’t look twice. Why should I? Those statements don’t need to be made, they should be understood as given. So what of the actual person is there to work with?
I’ll admit to personal bias…every one of the stock phrases I mentioned just make me cringe. Even so, it’s difficult to get a sense of a person from a profile made up of stock phrases. Here’s the impression I’m left with:
a) they don’t know what to say (which tells me they don’t know what they want)
b)they don’t want to put any effort into writing a profile (so why would I think they’d put effort into dating me?)
c) every one of those phrases suggests the guy who wrote them is clueless about himself and women in general, and more than likely, way too lonely or too busy playing the field to be a good prospect.

Instead of saying “friends first” why not try, “I’m looking to widen my circle” or something similar? That makes your intent clear without overstating the obvious and leaves the door to dating cracked.

]]>By: Sayantanhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-100337
Mon, 29 Nov 2010 04:14:30 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-100337Going back to the whole persevering in online dating- I was just googling ‘online dating’ a few hours ago- and I found some pretty frightening stuff. Sites (and people) who’ve said that 25% of the men who use Match are married, and a good chunk of the rest are in relationships. The latter group tends to go on the site at the first sign of trouble with their girlfriends, and they want to ‘fish’ around, so to speak.

I guess I should be thankful that my online dating experience has been…well, practically non-existent (read: guys who disappear after a couple of e-mails). Who knows, maybe they worked things out with their wives?

I don’t know…persevering in something where the odds are stacked SO high against you seems a little like beating your head against a wall (which I probably am doing)- I mean, if most of the members are married/in relationships, and the rest aren’t paying members who can respond to e-mails- that’s kind of like you’re floating alone in an abyss, right?

I mean- of course I have met a few people who met people online- but it seems to be a very low number- a bit like winning the lottery.

THen again, I guess the same thing could happen in real life, right? Guys pretending to be single and then a girlfriend comes into the picture later- god knows that’s happened to me more than I care to think about.

I get ya about not being sure if you want kids, but women in their early 30’s who aren’t sure if they want kids might be more into having fun, picking and choosing, rather than looking to settle down with someone slightly older like you. And those who DO know that they want to have kids with someone, may make a snap judgement that they don’t want to wait around for you to make up your mind.

I don’t envy you being in your late 30’s and still undecided about the question of children. Even though you are male, the older you get, the harder you might find it to find women willing to have your children when you are ready. There have been a few posts on this blog about that.

This is Mike #61–changed my screen name because there is already a Mike on here.

To answer your question: I’m not adamant about dating someone under 35 or even under 43. I have met a woman in her mid 40’s. I have a couple of issues here though, specific to me:

(a) Is she physically vital? I work out a lot and I like a woman who can keep up. Also, that is just what I am physically attracted to. I’m in great shape and I want likewise. My personal preferences…

(b) I’m not sure about having kids and I’d like to be with someone who is open to having kids but isn’t in a rush herself. Quite understandably, a woman is less likely to be this way when she gets past 35. Anyway, I really don’t want to waste anyone’s time in that regard.
]]>By: Selenahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-96645
Sun, 21 Nov 2010 12:52:03 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-96645@ Mike #61

I’m curious, why do you prefer to date women 5 yrs. younger than yourself? Do you think that might have anything to do with the outcomes you keep experiencing?

I am doing the online dating thing, and I agree with Steve (#1). Either sparks fly on the first date or there is no second date. (And I’ve gone on several first dates where sparks DID seem to fly and we got physical, but then she didn’t want to meet up again.) This seems to be true when it comes to the women I date–I am in my late 30’s and I prefer women about 5 years younger.
That said, my experience is that the *women* (the women in the age group I am pursuing) are the ones who make these snap judgments, as if they’re expecting the relationship that they enter to be as in a romantic comedy or something. Maybe it is just that everyone’s attention spans are shorter these days. I’m really not sure how well that serves anyone though, because first dates are rather awkward, contrived experiences.
I see women on the site who have been there for at least as long as I have been. These women are, if their profiles are anywhere near accurate, physically attractive, educated women with their life in order. If they’re getting so many emails a day, they could be meeting a new guy every night if they had the time. And yet they are still on the site looking 6, 8, 10 months later. What, out of all the guys they’ve had the chance to meet in that time, *none* of them were suitable? I mean, I know they have had the guy not call back a certain percentage of the time, but even considering that… Is there a possibility that they did come across someone who would have been great for them, but they wrote the guy off too soon?
]]>By: musehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-90401
Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:15:06 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-90401By the way, hello to everyone-I’ve been lurking and have learnt a lot from perusing these boards.
Great blog, Evan, and interesting contributions from everyone.
]]>By: musehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-90394
Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:12:16 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-90394Laine,
Surely there must be an online dating service in your country? Match certainly isn’t the only one. I have friends in Australia, UK and Europe that use online services in their countries.
]]>By: Lainehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-you-must-persevere-in-online-dating/comment-page-2/#comment-89531
Fri, 05 Nov 2010 07:26:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=4588#comment-89531and either do you Mr Katz
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