~the one~

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 34,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

So last year I watched The Bounty Hunter, which was a terrible experience to say the least. But I remained positive that most romcoms are better than this. Then I watched Valentine’s Day, which was too dire to even write about. So for a long time I have stuck to watching TV shows (if anyone’s keeping track, I finally obtained, and massively enjoyed Angel :D). But the other day, I came home from a long day at uni, or work and I was too tired to watch an intense episode of Firefly or something. So I decided to download a romcom! Having recently read a list on Listverse of the Top 10 Movie Wedding Disasters with Bride Wars featuring at number 10, I was well up for some movielite!

So the cast: Anne Hathaway; Kate Hudson and others. This is Kate Hudson’s type of movie, although I do NOT like her hair in it. And she’s some sort of brilliant lawyer, which requires even me – the romcom queen – to allocate large amounts of brain power to successfully suspending disbelief. Anne Hathaway – what can I say? She is much better than this movie. Her character in the movie is much better than this weak ass plot. Which leads us to…

The weak ass Plot: Two girls who have been best friends since they were like five, get engaged at the same time. The wedding planner (apparently the best in New York – uh yeah right!) messes up their bookings so that their wedding ends up being booked for the same day at the same time at the Plaza. For many stupid and inexplicable reasons, this date cannot be changed, there is no other date until three years from then, no one will swap with them, there is no chance of a double wedding and none of them will just have their wedding at another hotel or any other compromise. Chaos and hilarious pranks ensue.

Liv (played by Kate Hudson) has always been the stronger character and won’t stand down. Emma (Anne H.) has always let Liv have her way and just wants to get what SHE wants for once. So after neither of them look like backing down from that day, its all out WAR. Liv steals Emma’s DJ. So Emma sends Liv chocolates and cookies so she can get fat and no longer fit into her Vera Wang dress. Then Liv spikes Emma’s tanning solution so she ends up oompa-loompa orange instead of a soft bridal glow.

Emma in turn spikes Liv’s hair-dye solution and her hair:

"is BLUE. ITS BLUEEEE" - Oscar-worthy performance!

Some more shenanigans include Liv stealing Emma’s montage-DVD (THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER) and of course, the dance-off.

In which Emma overshadows Liv at her own Bachelorette party, because somehow her ballroom dancing classes have led to her being an expert in stripper- and break-dancing. And it also appears that Liv does not even know what dancing is – only able to wave her hands helplessly like an alien while Emma breakdances circles around her. There might have been more pranks but to be honest I skipped athrough all that the first time and only knew to find the dance montage because I wikipediad the movie later.

Finally… Its the day of the wedding. Both girls have crappy maids-of-honor because they couldn’t be each others. Emma’s parents come to say hello to Liv anyway (I think hers are dead? Or anyway they’re gone) and she feels bad and decides to swap back the DVDs. Her maid-of-honour/assistant however assumes its a prank (HOW? WHY? WHO DOES THAT?) and throws the DVD in a flowerpot. SO then, instead of a lame cute video montage THIS happens:

EMMA ON SPRING BREAK!! WOOO- no?

and then – BRIDE WARS!!

Seriously. I initially fast-forwarded through all this crap, because honestly – I was like WTF have I just wasted precious hours of my life on? But then I had to rewatch to get the screencaps therefore rendering my frantic clicking through the movie moot. Oh well.

But then it turns out that Emma doesn’t even get married. Her boyfriend doesn’t like what she’s become. Wikipedia tells me that he was too controlling, but if I was gonna marry someone and they turned into some psycho bridezilla (groomzilla) I’d deep-six that shit too. I missed the nuances of their utterly realistic relationship due to fast-forwarding though, so maybe he was super-controlling! Kate Liv gets married happily. And you think thats the end but its NOT. See? Coz, a year later Emma gets married to Liv’s brother. Which is not made obvious at all throughout the movie (sarcasm).

And then it turns out they’re pregnant at the same time and due on the same date (June 3rd, if anyone cares). Then the movie ends. I smell a sequeeeel :).

Womb Wars: Two best friends had always dreamed of giving birth in Cedars Sinai Hospital, Room 666. There was deep sentimental value for both of them to this room. By some strange coincidence, they are due on the same date! Neither will give up the room, but only one can give birth in Room 666. Who will win… the Womb Wars!!

Anyhooow… some random thoughts:

Movie less than an hour and a half, still felt too long.

Are there really people in this world who feel this strongly about their wedding?? I don’t even care about mine. But seriously, these women are best friends. And they are horrible to each other. I was genuinely horrified that some people reviewing on Amazon felt it depicted a realistic bride. Whoever you are bridezillas- ITS NEVER THAT SERIOUS.

I didn’t even fast forward through Hannah Montana the Movie (although I was in Brussels so you know… different situation) but I fast-forwarded through this.

Anne Hathaway is truly much MUCH better than Bride Wars. But at least everyone seems to know this.

I googled womb wars to see if anyone had somehow already come up with this idea and made an awesome picture because I’m too lazy. But all there was was right-wing pro-life propaganda with pictures of creepy fetuses (fetii?). America ruins everything.

1. Wake up, attempt to leave your warm bed for two hours before giving up and falling back asleep.

2. Wake up again, very hungry. Contemplate getting out of bed, showering, eating a nice healthy breakfast (or, lets be honest here – lunch) and going to campus to research your essay. Instead, eat some Oreos and watch 3 episodes of Wizards of Waverly Place, deciding that leaving after having relaxed for a bit is definitely the best option.

3. Finish WOWP. Finally up to date on Alex and the gang. Prepare to wake up. Instead go on Twitter and Facebook (no notifications), check all email addresses (no new messages) and read all regular sites (no new posts since last night). Wake up, shower and leave the house.

4. LOL JK. Continue to watch useless stuff, perhaps Chuck? Skimwatch an entire season – justifying it in that it will take less than hour (true story!) and then the waking up, making of lunch and working will begin.

5. Instead resurrect old blog with a new post, something not done in months, due to lack of adequate procrastination time. Lament the lack of blogging time allowed when doing a Master’s degree. Contemplate leaving the house to get some cheese for lunch, not least because its such a nice sunny day.

6. Continue writing blog post instead, predicting a 1700 hrs rush for food, and approximately 2100 hrs commencement for the essay. Laugh at the optimism in this. Appreciate Mondays spent in bed.

best movie 🙂

7. Watch something. (Pleasantville)!

And the days only half over. So much procrastination yet to be achieved!