Q & A

Gloria Emerson

January 19, 1986|By Cheryl Lavin.

Journalist Gloria Emerson interviewed several hundred men during a six-year period and found them caught between conflicting expectations. ``At a time when women want men to love, raise babies and remember our birthdays, it is also required that they be the ones to rescue people in a burning building,`` she writes in ``Some American Men`` (Simon & Schuster).

Q--If you had to place today`s American male on a continuum with Mr. Rogers on one end and Rambo on the other, where would he be?

A--He`d be dancing in between the two. This is a very confusing time for men. Our heroes are Rambo and Lee Iacocca. Even the President sends signals endorsing the old-fashioned kind of stoic masculinity. But at the same time, we expect men to bake birthday cakes and be sensitive.

Q--Would the father of today`s American man have been in the same position?

A--His father was more strictly confined. When I was growing up, very few men cooked or took care of children. Some men do today, but in times of war, they still are the ones who get drafted. And little boys are still told not to cry.

Q--What issues are most important to today`s men?

A--Work is most important. I interviewed a man who was out of a job, and it had really injured him. Even when he found work again, he did not completely recover. I talked to women who were also out of work, but they were at least able to reach out to other people. Men, however, isolated themselves and withered. They felt disgraced and humiliated. Love is also important to men but hard for them to speak about. Society doesn`t encourage it. I talked to one man who had left his wife for another woman, and he said that the men he knew held him somewhat in contempt for this, as though it were foolish to rearrange your life over something as frivolous as love.

Q--How do they relate to their fathers?

A--As they got older, they began to think about their fathers. They spoke about them with great love. Often, when they were growing up, their fathers were distant figures, and they missed them.

Q--Do men ever get over their war experiences?

A--I was surprised to find that some men don`t. They become pinned by it and fail to become the persons they started out to be. One changes after combat. I found that some World War II veterans were still affected by it 40 years later. Their melancholy was equal to the bad memories of the Vietnam veterans even though they supposedly fought the ``Good War.``