23 of the best caddie one-liners

But, playing golf AND taking a caddie is an experience that – good or bad – you’ll remember for a long time.

The best caddies know how to quickly get a read on their player and what makes him or her tick. They also know that golf is hard and a well-timed one-liner – particularly after a less than ideal shot – can lighten the mood and take the tension out of the player.

22. On a par-3 over water, the players asks, “Which club should I hit?”
The caddie replied: “The one that will get you over the water.”

21. At Waterville in Ireland, a golfer hits it into tall grass and asks the caddie, “Will we find it?”
The caddie’s response: “Lad, if that ball was wrapped in bacon Lassie couldn’t find it!”

20. To annoying player who is asking for a read on every 2-footer: “It’s two inches right of the left edge.”

19. After a long round at Lahinch, my buddy says to Bebe the caddie, “What do I owe you?”
Bebe says, “The first thing you owe me is a f***ing apology!”

18. There’s 237 to cover the water and 245 to the front edge of the green. The caddie hands the player a 3-wood. The player is perplexed.
The caddie looks at the player and says, “Nobody ever went to Yankee Stadium to watch Reggie bunt.”

Someone from China asked a Whistling Straits caddie if there were any whales in the water – clearly not understanding that the body of water around the course was Lake Michigan.The caddie says, “The only whales we got here are in the Sheboygan bars.”

17. After a player drained a long putt for a big number, the caddie said, “Well isn’t that whipped cream on a pile of shit.”

16. After the player hits a tee shot right of right, the caddies quips, “Well, that shot there is going to be just shitty enough to be good.”

15. The player asks the caddie, “What’s over the green?”
The caddie replies, “Nothing but bogeys.”

14. After a player chunks it 50 yards short of the green on a par 3 and the ball falls into the marsh, he angrily asks the caddie, “Why didn’t you tell me that was there?”
The caddie snapped back, “Next time, let me know when you’re going to lay up on a par 3 and I’ll tell you.”

13. A player asked his caddie’s advice on how to improve his game.
The caddie said, “Get your clubs adjusted to make them six inches shorter.”
The player asked, “What difference will that make?”
The caddie replied, “They will fit in your trash can better.”

12. At Ballybunion, the player is having a great round. But he blows it way right off the 18th tee and into some chest-high rough.
He hits a provisional.
As they’re walking past the spot where the first ball settled, the 16-year-old caddie says, “Forget it. That one’s in the ‘love grass.’ Once you’re in there, you’re f***ed.”

11. “That’s what we call a ripped pajamas putt… one ball out.”

10. As the player hits a short into a tree he declares, “They say trees are 90 percent air.”
Without missing a beat, the caddie says, “Yeah, so is a screen door.”

8. On the 17th at Turnberry, a guy in the group has been hitting it in the hay all day. The caddie hands him a 5-iron.
The player says, “I didn’t fly all this way not to try and hit this green in two.”
The caddies says, “Aye, and I didn’t wake up this morning to look for your f***ing golf ball all day either.”

7. It’s a practice round and pros are talking clothing on a men’s tour.
Pro: “This shirt they sent me feels like a dress.”
Caddie: “You know what a dress feels like?”

6. After the player hits a driver that goes straight for 200 yards, but then peels off into a bunker, the caddie says, “That’s a ‘mother-in-law shot’ – it sure looked good leaving!”

At Waterville in Ireland, a golfer hits it into tall grass and asks the caddie, “Will we find it?”The caddie’s response: “Lad, if that ball was wrapped in bacon Lassie couldn’t find it!”

5. At Bandon Dunes after a ball into a bunker, the player says to his caddie, “I bet that is going to be a fried egg.”
The grinning caddies says, “You’re going to need a shovel.”

4. “Well, you kept it out of the ocean,” caddie to player after player pulls tee shot into the rough on the ninth hole at Pebble Beach.

3. When asked by the horrible player, “Do you think I can reach the green with a 5-iron?,” The caddie said, “Eventually.”

2. “That was a ‘son-in-law shot.’ Not really what you were expecting, but you’ll take it.”

1. Someone from China asked a Whistling Straits caddie if there were any whales in the water – clearly not understanding that the body of water around the course was Lake Michigan.
The caddie says, “The only whales we got here are in the Sheboygan bars.”

Forecaddie for the group says to me on the 6th hole, “You’ve got 210 to the front edge “. Looks at my buddy and says, “A good lay up on the left side would give you a perfect angle “. My friend didn’t talk to the guy the rest of the day.