Don Nguyen

I Now Confess My Sins Poem by Don Nguyen

Running back in the misty rain, I have planned to say many thingsNow here I forget what I want to sayWhat do you expect from the old man like meEven he still can jog, fall in love, but he is tired and oldAnyway, I like to get some personal matter out of my chest firstAt the beginning, I really liked her but you came and she leftI fell in love with you because I thought you were another herWho wrote like me, who prayed like meSo I fell in love with a carnal girl for a spiritual girlWhile I left the spiritual-carnal one walking away for many yearsNow she came back but my heart had belonged to youAnd I recently realized the one I truly admired was the oneWho kept screaming that I loved the wrong girlI fell so bad because we had so much in commonBut you are still the one who really love me and love me second or firstSo confusing but now I hope I have straightened all out for at the end it's just hopeless and endless mess and agonyfor I hate divorce and I can’t love all threeso either I hang myself on the tree for I didn't listen to my brother LaurenFor he always screamed his head off saying, ' look at me, look me, '“for you will be sorry, they always want first your heart then they go for your head.'Did you say something like that, Lauren? Thank you, friends for listening to my messThe bottom line is that I can't love all three, so I love none at allThat's settled.Maybe not settled; you ladies decide on my fate.Warn you, I got no passport nor money for my wife holds the bankAll I have is my black knapsack, my tennis shoes, and few dollars

Now may I attend to other business.

First, all my dear friends, I feel really embarrassed of what I had said about youSo I don't know if you can possibly forgive me for me to come backI am so sorry acting like an idiot or child- idiotI am truly sorry, and should go wash my heart and mouth with Ivory soapI will try to make it up to you by composing from now on with eyes open but my mouth shutI will try to be kind and gentle, sweet not like an angel but like a saintNot St. Jerome though, but more like St. Franciswho had prayed many times that he rather consoled than to be consoledTo bring peace than enduring turbulenceI will serve you as long as you need meHopefully some day you find a new love in your heartUntil that day comes, I solemnly promise that I will serve youHope and pray that my poet in me will not die soonTill this very day, I wonder why you love my writes and later the terrible-two meWhy do you try to make your life miserable by inviting me backAnd I don't know why we fought so muchWe love one another to death but we fought like dogsWe cried, we laughed, we praised, we jeered, we scolded, then we forgaveSumming up, we are a typical modern family who love but can't stand each otherAll that means that we are stuck with each other until death does us partFor we are now separated but we both don't believe in divorce(Right, girls?) Now, at this moment, my head is all foggy, and my heart heavy, so I just leave decision-making to youWhatever you decide I will submit myself to abideTreat me like your little brother, not like big brotherI talk big but I am small, shy, and very meek and timidAnd I also envision that you will help me to create a beautiful meadow with blue flowersWith your creative nobility and independent sophisticated or puristically simple Like the first days that I came here, wandering around by myself until Gaj and three she-s noticedWhat a lucky lad or the less-lucky ladAnyway, you just make up your mind or not making your mind is still fineFor we can just live one day at a time to see how our future shapes upI still compose and contribute, and submit at our siteStill read besides write, maybe not much readBut please treat me like one of the guys, not someone you cannot touchI don’t know what is wrong with me but the more attention I get these daysThe sicker I get, I am really serious.Hope there is nothing wrong with meI cry a lot.And I love you.