Need Help

The fact that I am here means I don't want to die, otherwise I would just do it. I have nothing to moan about in my life, married with a good, but stressful job and a nice house over my head, but I'm finding it hard lately to fight the urge to finally end my own life. I have three failed attempts before and a battle with anorexia thrown in.

I have a problem with self harm, but not cutting, I tend to take a lot of paracetamol, but lately I've started to take more and more codeine as I find it really numbs the pain.

I feel myself loosing control of who I am and I'm scared of what might happen next. The doctor wants me to try CBT, but it's hard finding the time to get an appointment to see someone. I don't know how much longer I will last.

I kinda feel like a bit of an attention seeker typing all this out, but it kinda helps just to get it all off my chest.

Make the time ok hun just do it CBT does help you are worth the effort and time hun if you are over using your medication then time to tell doc and get them put on hold until you can be responsible using them again please reach out for help that is there to get you to a better place ok hugs

People may say that you're attention seeking, but there's nothing wrong with that here since all we do is provide support and encouragement when you need it. It's good to find a safe place to vent and this is a great place to do that. Numbing your pain is just temporary and the meds can be very addicting and may cause some of the suicidal ideations that you're experiencing. Please take good care of yourself because your wife and others need you. Most of us deal with SI too so you're not alone, for sure. Take notice on how we deal with it and there is also a thread for eating disorders that you might like. Seek the opportunities here. Take care!