| 18 | Lucid | Wandering |

366: 2016 – A Year In Review

I was full of hope for the new year. I was ready for my second last year of high school. I was open to exploring and being naive and being childishly childish. In the second month of the summer, I was alive. I was obsessed with Vines. I did, and still do, prioritise the preservation of memories, which make us who we are today. Full of cynicism, I was in love with the idea of being in love, in love with idea of a man. I wrote many poems. I was an alright person then. And then school started.

Song of the Month: Pride and Prejudice – Zico

February

School, mostly. I made friends a priority. The last month of the summer was eventful, made new friends, new goals, set my eyes on something I deeply desired. Mostly school, though. Who could forget Year 11 camp too? It’s mostly a blur now. Because it really was a blur. What an inconveniently timed and planned event, also, but I can’t blame them really. I remember saying something about it being a turning point in my life, but when you have so many more turning points in your life, every turning point just becomes a small event that changed a part of you as you went on in life. I still hated love. I had no time for the thing that was romantic love as I knew it then.

Song of the Month: Veni Vidi Vici – Zico

March

First set of exams, kind of. Very much the same as the month before. My second last month of being sixteen. I don’t remember very much in March, but looking back on blog posts written in March, oh right, yeah March 10 was the first day we received a notification in English Advanced about the Stocks Prize. I was so pumped for that. In hindsight, I should not have put in so much effort to come up with such crap. Still obsessed with love unhealthily. I was genuinely such a scholar student. I wonder what song of the month would have been. Every month I looped a song on repeat for a long time. So…well ok I picked one. I used to listen to this a lot for inspiration, and after a long day at school.

Song of the Month: Well Done – Zico

April

The last month of being sixteen. It was hard for me to let go of the idea that I would no longer be sixteen. I also didn’t spend a lot of time on my blog, which makes me sad because I had a lot of free time and chose to waste it. It was mostly working on my English essays and commiserating over the Maths test I failed in the first term. My first real taste of Autumn in this month. I let go of the boy I was torturing and met new people to play with. Not the playmate kind of play, though. I was a bad person. But I took time in the month to appreciate the little things. Not something I do often, sadly.

Song of the Month: Let’s Not Fall in Love – Big Bang

May

First month of being seventeen! Felt completely different to being sixteen, really. I was obsessed with the first kiss. I wanted to do well in the second term of the year. But I was in a really bad place. I’d met some terrible people and I had become them. Mockery is key. May was a blur. May is always that bridge between April and June.

Song of the Month: Now – Trouble Maker

June

Apart from April, June was, is and always will be my favourite month of the year. The first month of winter, spelling out 3 months of idealised depression. Strangely enough, I had my first kiss in June as well. It’s just a distant memory now, now nothing of real meaning to me. Did a lot of questionable things for a person with my moral code. The obsession with love was getting out of hand. I was hurting people I loved.

Song of the Month: Wake Me Up – Zico

July

More obsession with love. Crazy hurt, disappointment, anger, all kinds of things. The real emotional roller coaster. Winter school holidays. I don’t think I have a song of the month for this one.

August

The real game changer. My life turned around from the middle of August onward. Gone was that angry little girl. I met someone, my significant other, who changed me for the better. He made me a better person. I think for the first time I felt more secure in my life. All the things I’ve said on the blog before August about that man who would love me as wholeheartedly as I wanted him to, they all came true. I met the one. Holy fuck. It was all good in the hood. Like, seriously good. I met the quieter, more sensible, male version of myself. Shit, it was lit. It was amazing. I didn’t need to relearn what it was like to love someone like this. I loved passionately. I was about to end Year 11 on a bittersweet note.

Song of the Month: No Less feat. Louis Mattrs – S.G. Lewis

September

I fell more in love with this wonderful man, and he with me. Yearly exams did not get in the way of our love. We did fine, really. The tone of my blog really changed after this. The month was spent being in love, being happy, because for the first time in a while, I was in love with a real person, not the idea of him, not the concept of the idea of him, just him and him only. Wow. 2016 wasn’t so bad after all. Ironic, the song of the month, but I introduced him to French music and he loves it. Just the beat, I think. Hehe.

Song of the Month: Tous Les Memes – Stromae

October

Unsurprisingly, spent more of this month loving each other. Loving ourselves, getting ready for each other and the times to come. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier, or spent so much money in one month with the man I love. We learned many things about each other, introduced each other to new things. Sadly, he does not eat spicy food. He introduced me to the wonderful food that is pho, which I rarely have. It’s wonderful. Tormented by my inner demons, but I loved that you helped me through it.

Song of the Month: Berzerk – Eminem

November

Great. We were going fine. First term of Year 12, stressful. To be honest it is a bit of a blur. I had troubles with friends and I was alone, but my honey was there for me through it all. Just school. School school school school. Draining. There’s a song that reminds me of our honeymoon phase, though.

Song of the Month: I am You, You are Me – Zico

December

Lit. Last month of the year. More love. Introduced to new things. Survived the first term of Year 12 with my honey by my side. We did relatively the same at school. A few spats, but nothing serious. We are still very much in love. I love us. Summer is back, and I’m ready to give you all my love. And be a creative little girl. 5 months until I’m 18.

Song of the Month: Kill for You ft. Eminem – Skylar Grey

TL;DR – I was a bad person but a bit of a scholar January-July, and then I met my honey who turned my life around and helped me be a better person and a bit more of a scholar August-December. Yes, I might have taken time away from my friends, but I realise now that I don’t need so many friends to depend on when I have a select few and my honey, who I can rely on when I need them. 2016 was a roller-coaster, much like other years, but this time it was different. I’ve met the man of my dreams, the likes of whom I shall never see again. And all this time, I thought I’d meet him at university! Life is full of surprises.

Also to those who are saying they are keen for 2016 to be over, I’m really not. I’m not ready to do my HSC. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. But if I have my honey and my few close friends, then I think I’ll take it on. Here’s to 2017 and more memories.