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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Who knows where the time goes?

One of the things that my mother's recent passing has done for all of us in the family is to reconnect with the movement of time by way of going through old picture collections and seeing how we looked and how we changed through time. It is good to see that the little girl in the picture here seemed excited, animated, happy. I think I could say in looking backward, that's how I remember my life for the most part. My sister and I are putting together a slide show of images and music to help us remember our mother and our lives together. We have had a lot of laughing and some tears in the remembering. It's funny how you perceive reality now as compared to then. My growing awareness in noticing so many more details about the now moment is astounding compared to the past. Back then, "back in the day," no matter what day that was, I seemed so clueless about so much. In spite of that cluelessness, I do remember some wonderful things about my life that gave me the strength and courage to go forward in the pursuit of my dreams. What I do know by looking back is how important each now really is. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world. As I age, each moment seems so much more precious. I find myself really slowing down the rush and just savoring more. I find myself having a much freer calendar than I have in the past. I resist the world's attempt to rush me. When I stand in the bank line waiting my turn and the floor person tries to see if she can take my deposit so as to hurry me along to my next destination, thinking I would appreciate that, I decline and say:"I'm in no rush, I have all the time in the world today." I mean it too. What's the hurry really? There is no fast way to now. I find I want to appreciate just how my body feels now and that it is ok the way it is. Those days some 30 years ago when I thought I was so heavy and needed to lose weight... Wow! Was I ever clueless! Anyway, now is the moment I want to enjoy. Wonder what it will really turn out to be?

5 comments:

So true.... all of it! One of the things I've noticed is that I'm not drawn to "busy" people at all. I like people who move a bit more slowly, who take in their environment and are happy to be right now - instead of being only half-available because they're always somewhere else, doing something else, in their heads.

I love your picture! Isn't it interesting that, in looking backward, we realize how awakened we've become. I've been experiencing the same things lately - doing a life review, seeing how busy I was for all those years, thinking I had to get somewhere, achieve something, do something else. Now, I take it more slowly and am more present, in the now.