Why We Don’t Heal

Recently I was lead to view a Caroline Myss talk titled Why We Don’t Heal. This held a powerful message which I have carried with me in many ways and circumstances. I have been doing some “unwinding” of sorts with my own health issues. My birthday in May, and Mother’s Day was the anniversary of my first seizure (at the age of 5) which landed me in the hospital for a week. That event started me on pharmaceuticals, which were a significant part of my health (or illness) journey. I recently made a significant move and am at the point in life where my “have to’s” are complete and now I am living my “chose to’s’? Yet this does bring up many questions.

What is my purpose?

What do I want?

I have been questioning and, if I’m being completely honest, I am bit afraid to find the answers.

Hearing this talk moved me in many ways.

Caroline Myss spoke on the 5 Myths of Healing

My life is defined by my wounds.

Being Healthy means being alone.

Feeling pain means being destroyed by it.

All illness is caused by negativity.

True change is not possible.

When your life is defined by your wounds, Caroline Myss calls this woundology. This is when we use our wound as a shield or excuse for taking action or living our purpose.

How do you know if you or another is using woundology? When speaking to someone they lead with their wounded history. Have you ever just met someone and immediately hear about the many tragedies in their life? Not to downplay tragedy, we have all had them – but think about it! Do we allow them to define us, or rather mold us into something greater?

I must admit there are times when I fell into living from my wounds and I know many individuals whose identity is linked to their ailments or history of wounds. I have seen situations where holding onto wounds brings about physical ailments. In fact, studies have shown that Adverse Childhood Events (ACE) such as abuse or dysfunction can have a significant impact on health[1] . Yes, these do impact us in ways we may not imagine. Get your ACE score here.

Your biography becomes your biology. Caroline Myss says that when we live from our wounds, we lose our strength. When we lose our strength we lose our spirit. We can call our spirit back through forgiveness. We need to observe our history but not attach to it – be a witness.

We ultimately control whether our wounds continue to live within our cells or if we can forgive, grow and release.

Why don’t we do this? Because of the remaining myths of healing.

Being Healthy means being alone. We believe if we heal we will have no emotional needs and thus lose our connections with other. Yet healing means being vulnerable and allowing the emotions to be felt and processed. Unfortunately this is not modeled in everyday life. There are endings all the time; do we have models in our life on how to let them pass while expressing and feeling our emotions and eventually finding the gratitude within and allowing pain and suffering to pass?

Feeling pain means being destroyed by it. Our pain relationship needs to change – from frightening to enlightening. Pain is not the enemy but a language. Pain is your body (and your mind) talking to you. We need to learn to listen and properly respond. Pain does not mean take a pill drive the pain away. Pain is a signal that something is out of balance, lacking, toxic or otherwise. In order to heal it – we do need to feel it, find the message and respond.

All illness is caused by negativity. We have the myth that if we are ill or in pain we did something wrong. Every time you’re ill, you did not do something negative. When you deny the reality of life, you appreciate it less. Meditations such as the Buddha’s Five Remembrances will help you release your fears and rediscover the magic of life just as it is.

True change is not possible. We believe we can change the small but not the big parts of ourself – the real parts cannot be changed. In your gut you know if you make the changes required you will change more than the physical – that difference is intimidating. To truly make the changes to be our best self will change our relationships with others – sometimes relationships come to an end or even change our location and home. It is this level of change which frightens us as we become complacent and comfortable in our current surroundings even is they are filled with pain. They are familiar. We fear the changes and the unknown and also the fact that life will move faster when we release those pains. We carry the belief that the pain from the past holds back the pain from the future. The unknown. But who is to say the future will not hold joy if we enter it with a spirit of forgiveness and gratitude?

Going into our wounds requires honor and integrity. Until we change our habits we need to force self to forgive – coming from the understand this is hurting you more than it is hurting them. Forgiveness truly is a gift you give yourself.

We can also redefine healing. Healing is not perfection but day to day life. It is a journey requiring daily tasks and the capacity to walk everyday thru the challenges. We need to learn to enjoy the journey whatever the outcome.

Learn to pay attention to when you are losing your energy to your wound. Watch your vocabulary. When people ask “How are you?” What do your respond?

We do not necessarily need to know why our wounds have entered our life. Perhaps we can find a lesson with in them. Either way we need to let go and allow self to grow. Learn to accept and live in the new pace of life.

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