Why January is the Hardest Month for Marriages

Get your marriage through the winter doldrums with these tips from our sister site RedbookMag.com.

Its not your imagination that things between you and your guy have felt a little frosty these last few weeks. Couples therapists agree that this season is a prime time for spats. The stress of the holidays, including travel, dealing with extended family members, and not having a daily structure can bubble over into January, says Susan Gadoua, LCSW, a marriage therapist and author of The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Cynics, Commitmentphobes and Connubial DIYers. That, coupled with bad weather that leaves you cooped up with hard-to-implement New Years resolutions (gym every day! kale every night!), can put you in a less-than-loving mood. Luckily, there are ways to avoid the chill and keep you warm and fuzzy toward your husband.

1. Acknowledge the issue.Awareness is the first step, says Bob Taibbi, LCSW, a New York-based couples counselor and author of Doing Couples Therapy: Craft and Creativity in Work With Intimate Partners. Ask your husband how hes doing, and let him know if youre feeling run-down, Taibbi suggests. Also, if there are any unspoken issues left over from the holidays  like his mooching mom coercing him for cash or your standoffish dad spending whole days by himself  nows the time to bring them up so you can figure out how to change things early in the year.

2. Schedule one-on-ones. You might be feeling a holiday budget hangover, but thats no excuse to skip out on date night, reminds Taibbi. Instead of over-the-top, think under the covers: Either make it a point to get busy, or simply snuggle up and marathon previous seasons of Downton Abbey  its about finding ways to carve out space to connect with each other.

3. Hit the gym.Not because its a New Years resolution, but because the endorphin rush is real. Its harder to motivate yourself to be active when its cold outside (after all, your couch is really comfy), but all of that sitting around can lead to major crankiness. Making a point to get the blood flowing will make you feel warmer and act warmer toward everyone around you.

4. Pencil in girl time. Holiday festivities can make us want to hibernate for all of January the result of which may be feeling moodier than ever. So resist the siren song of your DVR and get together with a few girlfriends. See a movie, head to a paint-your-own-pottery studio, or bliss out during a mani/pedi. Not only does it get you out of the house, but focusing on your own hobbies  and suggesting your guy meet up with his buddies and watch the game the next day  can give your relationship the breathing room it needs so that youre both in a good mood when you reconnect, says Taibbi.

5. Anticipate roadblocks.Another reason stress occurs in January is that everyone, including the kids, is forced back into their routine. Taibbi suggests smoothing things over by identifying triggers  maybe its homework time, maybe its heading to hockey practice  and coming up with a new system for dealing with them, like designating homework time immediately after school or putting together a carpool schedule for hockey. Itll make you feel more proactive and in control.

6. Give him (and you!) some well-deserved rewards.Its a tough month for both of you, and exchanging a little TLC can go a long way. One way to start: Download Kahnoodle, an app that allows you to log the nice things you do for each other. Every task is awarded points that can eventually be redeemed at stores like Best Buy. Or go the low-tech way: Buy him a just-because candy bar. Send him a sexy text. Ask him to do the same for you. And theres no shame in treating yourself, either. If you got gift cards over the holidays well, you know what to do with them.

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