Topic:
I'm scared to come out

I'm scared to come out

I know there are probably a-lot of topics covering this issue and i am sure they are good but not quite as personalized as I have been looking.

First a little background information. I have an uncle who game out as gay a few years ago and my family cut all communication with them because they are all super mormons and he has been shunned ever since he came out. I am worried about what my family will do when I come out as trans. I have come out to my sister and she is okay with it but I am afraid of everyone else's reaction.

Secondly, I am living with my so called girlfriend (long story short its a complicated situation) and she is the one paying all the bills at the moment when I am finishing my school.

I guess my question is, when would be the best time to come out and suggestions on how I can come out?

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There is no good time or bad time, it is when you feel comfortable and confident and the need is so overpowering, you need to, to be happy and contented. BUT don't use people as a convenience, eg get them to pay bills and support you and then hurt and destroy their lives when you do come out.

____________________________________

Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin)

Don't get angry
when others are talking behind your back... because they're just proving
that your life is obviously more interesting than theirs.

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Amber, you have asked one of the most asked questions in the trans world. You are opening a can of worms that has no bottom.

I can only tell you my situation and what I know from being trans for so many years. First, I am assuming your 'so called' GF, whatever than means, knows about Amber. In my case, I came out simply because I was exhausted from living my life in a closet. The mental pressure on me became so strong, the constant grinding in my mind thinking about my gender issues 24/7,the desire to express myself was soooo strong, I decided that I would have no choice but to come out if I ever wanted to be happy in life, my life not theirs. At that point, I cared not about who learned of my gender gift. I was willing to give up everything I had in my life; money, friends, family, all of it. I just needed the stress of hiding to stop forever.

The first person I told was my GF. We both cried, she thought I was going to tell her I was gay. I'm not. That was 18 years ago. We are still best friends, lovers, and still live together. I am gender fluid. Imove from one gender to another on a moments notice. She is 100 percent accepting. We do everything together either as M and F or F and F. She does not judge. She obviously did get her eyes opened when I told her but for the most part, at the time of discovery, she knew nothing of the trans world so she had no reason to dislike me.

So my coming out was the best thing I ever did. Some family members and friends disappeared. I care not. They are the ones that need to deal with their issues, not me. I do not fault them and if they decide to like me again, wonderful. I am the most important person in my life and I have to do what I think is right for me, not what others think, for whatever reason. Note, ny situation is not in the majority of responses to coming out.

It appears from what I have read over the years, the general consensus is one should come out as soon as possible. Waiting seems to have greater consequences regarding relationships, usually because a trust has been built, kids appear, etc. The words 'trust and lie' also enters the conversation after discovery and rightly so( a topic for later discussion). Then there's employment issues, etc.

The bottom line is everyone is different and only you can decide when is the right time. Remember, you have to live with your decision, your secret, your lie. Ask yourself, is it fair for your s/o to build a relationship/bond with you while you hide this information? Your decision.

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There is no good time or bad time, it is when you feel comfortable and confident and the need is so overpowering, you need to, to be happy and contented. BUT don't use people as a convenience, eg get them to pay bills and support you and then hurt and destroy their lives when you do come out.

Hi I am in the UK, and Mormons are not well established her. We occasinally encounter young men in sharp Italian black suits seeking converts! Oh and they have a big church opposite the Science Museum in Kensington in London However, most faiths here accept, that gender dysphoria is natural, due to its original fetus origins. Anyway Sweetheart I came out in my late 60's, don't wait or be influenced by your faith. Your are not committing any sin! If you have a strong faith remember God judges not man! My wife is a lady of faith (personally I am not), she misses our former relationship , but has discussed the issue with priests and they accept the situation. We are best friends, who are honest and open with each other. Don't deceive yourself and others.'.unto to your own self be true, then they cans't deceive others.'.! Oh Shakespear not the Bible.

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I picked up on what I thought was a relevant point, I was not being mean or making light of a complicated issue,

''I am living with my so called girlfriend (long story short its a complicated situation) and she is the one paying all the bills at the moment when I am finishing my school''.

I can understand from people I know and GS members account of their lives and their honest attempt at disregarding their own feelings and trying to supress them, but when people acknowledge their feelings and intents, to take tempoorary advantage of their circumstance, I think that is unfair to the other person.

As far as religion goes in the UK, faiths are exempt from retribution for discrimination. for acts, behavour contrary to their religion. ie the same sex marriage act, legally alowing it (not to be confused with civil partnership) church leaders even members of a congregation can object to these services being perfomed in an eclesiastical capacity.

____________________________________

Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin)

Don't get angry
when others are talking behind your back... because they're just proving
that your life is obviously more interesting than theirs.

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First of all, what is the rush to tell the world??? Explore the concept, begin HRT, and gently transition...most people will not notice anything and actually will "transition" along with you until you reach that point, where they will say "it's about time".

Secondly, I'd begin facial electrolysis to remove your beard, mustache, and neck hairs. It is a long, expensive process, but to me, it is THE most important thing you can to "pass" in the world. If for some reason you halt your transition you'll not have to shave anymore! (smile)

Third, have to sat down and made a "list" of "pro's and con's" of transitioning? When one comes out quickly and shocks everyone around them, the risk of losing loved ones, friends, your job, and all the good you've done all of your life is extremely high!! Most people do not know how to handle the shock and everyone will begin to distance themselves from you as if you had the plague. It is just a ton easier for them to cope in this manner. You truly must take a hard look at whether or not you can support yourself, maintain employment, hold on to your relationship, etc. The "pro's" of transitioning are quite obvious as you a probably feeling how we all have felt as well. Many decide it is not worth the loss and just cross dress forever. For me, I began dressing (with help from my mother) around age of 3. I kept it secret from most I knew growing up for it was a dangerous thing to announce back then, far more so than today. I hoped it would all go away. Eventually I got married, raised a family, and am now 67. Guess what? It didn't go away, ever!!!!!! I finally came out to my about 10 years ago and began transitioning 8 years ago. I have managed to save my marriage for we truly love each other, but my wife is dead against it and wants no part of me as female. Over time, we have set a series of compromises where in a nut shell, she gives me daily space to live as me including freedom to go away to visit others and have an active social circle. But "Traci" does not intersect with her and our friends ever. Somewhat complicated, but to me, keeping us together is first and foremost! I love her and to walk away would be so cruel to her! She knows I love her and would never leave her...so while it is awkward, it works!

You do not have that luxury yet in your relationship...this is just me speaking, but I'd suggest small talks about gender, the wide array on the spectrum, and that you do not feel you're locked into the binary and go from there...test her reactions, do not commit to anything unless she offers something where you advance eqo steps forward. Then slowly inch your way toward your goals. Continue demonstrating your love and commitment to her and show her you're always going to be there for her thru thick and thin and you just may win her over.

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Amber, if the Mormon community has a problem with you coming out trans, that is their problem, not yours. You don't have a problem other than allowing them dictate how you should live your life according to their beliefs.