Following worldwide condemnation of the style of football witnessed by those visiting Milton Keynes, US President Barack Obama has announced plans for a unilateral air-strike aimed at securing the futures of ML Dons’ fans.

He said: “We’ve been getting serious, unequivocal information regarding the scale of the horror experienced by the football-loving residents of Milton Keynes for some time now

“Some visiting fans returning from Stadium MK recently confirmed what we had long expected – that this is a failed club, and is only going to continue to endanger the lives and souls who live there.”

The club was founded in June 2004, following the relocation of Wimbledon FC and their subsequent entry into administration. The former club, nicknamed ‘the crazy gang’ in their pomp, ceased to exist in late 2003 with the Dons rising from the ashes, following intervention from fans.

UK Prime Minister, David Cameron added this to the joint-statement: “We can clearly see that the club is in a failed state, and we can no longer stand idly by and witness the carnage that has been allowed to ensue.

“We will do all we can to help MK Dons fans relocate, and find a club to call their own; it is their allegiance and their stoicism that we seek to preserve and honour with this intervention.”