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[APH - PG-16 - Parody]Hetalia:Asse Powers

Well, it's me TRG again, and I wanted to write a parody of my favorite anime! In this craaazy fic, Italy is somewhat intellegent, Germany is....well? German, and Japan has anger issues! And about the swear filter, I'll put the first letter and then asterisks so you can at least know the words they're saying.

America: Dude, I seriously think I should handle out this meeting because I'm the hero and a true genius. With blabbing too much and yelling opinions, we can definately solve the world's problems. Okay dudes I think since I'm the hero I'll totally do everything and save your asses.

Japan: *Is slamming table* Are you out of your mind?! My chin chin is bigger than your brain! At least I can put together a Gundam in within an hour!

Spain: *Pops out of apparently nowhere, what's with Hidekaz and his popping out of nowhere of the characters?!* Russia, why don't you use your trolly Eduard Khil mouth? You're rather quiet, no?

Russia: Why me? I have a plan of my own. Lithuania's gonna epicly fail and return to my union, and so would Lativa, and then-

Estonia: Good for you, Mr. Tough Guy. You just can't get me back.

(Random babbling that's impossible to make out and is super annoying)

Germany: ALL OF YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!!! This conference is to complain about modern issues, not the past ones. I seem to be the noisiest and most aggressive, so therefore, I'll lead this conference. If you have anything to say, please raise your hand and in a way that does not relate to the salute of my country's past.

Italy: *Raises hand and not in a way that relates to-well you get the point*

Germany: GERMANY RECOGNIZES HIS FRIEND ITALY!

Italy: .....People of the world, we gather here to discuss the problems in modern society. Today, I want to get the point across that we shouldn't insult people with offensive labels, racism, and-

Germany: *Whispers something in Italy's ear*

Italy: Yes, and Holocaust jokes. Furthermore, I-

America: Damn, this guy is BOR-ING! Let's just go to the intro!

(Intro music. DAH DAH DAAH DAH DAAAAAAAH duhduhduhduhduhduhDUH.)

Germany: It is said that long ago, there is some guy who can't get enough sex who conquered the Mediterranian Sea. He was rich, the also say. Also, this script sucks. His name....was the Roman Empire. The guy, not the script. Yeah, he pretty much had everything. Why am I saying this? Why not someone else? Well, anyway, one day he dissapeared, soooo....yeah.

(DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT!)

Germany: Later, during World War I.(Is walking through a forest)....I'm supposed to be fighting a descendant of Rome...OH NOW I KNOW WHY I SAID ALL THAT! Anyway, he could be anywhere, so keep guard, my sticky. Also, I'm sorry about not sharing my wurst! I was to busy with my OTHER sticky friend!

Stick: What other sticky friend?

Germany: This condom from across the street.

Stick:Riiight....

Germany: I must keep my guard up, this guy MUST have some sort of plan...(Sees a box of tomatoes)Umm...

To be continued!

-CHIBITALIA-

Narrator: Okay, is everyone listening? SHUT UP! YOU'RE SNOTTY, NOISY KIDS! Once upon a time, in a house called the Roman Empire...

Chibitalia: It's next to my perverted brother France's house!

Narrator: Newborn Italy lived with other snotty country children. One day, the incredibly hot Rome forced the snotty child away from his home. Italy then spent his time singing and drawing with his unusually handsome grandpa. Italy was good with art or whatever, so I think Rome was happy, I guess.

Chibitalia: Drawing stinks! I should be wasting my time playing video games! But wait...Japan would be delighted, so I'd be making people happy. Decisions, decisions...well, I'm gonna be pissed when my brothers come, because I hate their guts, and....well you know.....

Narrator: Unfortunately, when they returned....

Holy Rome: YOU HAVE TO JOIN THE ROMAN EMPIRE OR DIE!

Romano: F***ing bastard you are!

Narrator: They became even bigger assholes.

Holy Rome: STOP! I WANT YOU TO JOIN THE HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE!*Chases Chibitalia*

Chibitalia: F*** YOOOOOUUUU!!!!*Runs*

(Ending. Nee nee papa wain o chodai, etc., etc....)

Germany: How long have I been staring at those tomatoes?!

CONTINUED NEXT TIME...

Last edited by TeamRocketGrunt; 6th October 2012 at 5:12 PM.
Reason: Editing grammar for spiffiness :3

Narrator : 7 years, 234 days 1 hour 4 minutes 1.0081 seconds. The wars over. You lost.
Germany : But why????!!!
Germany decides to go invade Poland as a hobby.
Poland : Erm... England said your fat. Can you invade there?
Germany : I don't care, you are closer. You live next door.
England : Germany! Your fat!
Wales : Stop England. Every time you start a fight you get me to help. Now if you don't mind I have some sheep to make happy. Somehow. Here is a gun, you fight your own wars.
England : How do I shoot? I don't see a button labled shoot.
Germany : You pull that. I bet my secret base in Berlin is better than yours. Why am I telling you this.

Narrator : 7 years, 234 days 1 hour 4 minutes 1.0081 seconds. The wars over. You lost.
Germany : But why????!!!
Germany decides to go invade Poland as a hobby.
Poland : Erm... England said your fat. Can you invade there?
Germany : I don't care, you are closer. You live next door.
England : Germany! Your fat!
Wales : Stop England. Every time you start a fight you get me to help. Now if you don't mind I have some sheep to make happy. Somehow. Here is a gun, you fight your own wars.
England : How do I shoot? I don't see a button labled shoot.
Germany : You pull that. I bet my secret base in Berlin is better than yours. Why am I telling you this.

Haha, I like that, but I am parodying the anime, and IDK where to throw that in, plus no Wales. Korea was added for the lulz.

Italy: AAAAAHHHH DON'T SHOOT ME I DON'T WANT TO DIE I'M ONLY 20 AND ALSO I WANT TO FIT IN INTO THE MODERN WORLD! AND WHAT IF I DON'T DIE BUT I'M TERRIBLY INJURED IN A GOREY WAY IN WHICH I LIE IN MY OWN BLOOD?! I'LL DO ANYTHING I JUST DON'T WANNA DIIIEEEEEE!!!!

(Intro, with all the dahdahdahdahdah stuff)

Italy: DON'T KILL ME! I'M A VIRGIN!

Germany: Tell that to Other Sticky Friend.

Italy: You're mean! Waaaah!

Germany: Hmm...this guy is supposedly a descendant of Rome, but...this wimp?(Picks up Italy)Umm...let me ask you a question. You wouldn't happen to be related to Rome, would you?

Italy: You know Grandpa Rome?! WONDERFUL! I love you!

Germany: This is.....(Gasp)a TRAP! He's trying to catch me off guard!

Italy: GERITA GERITA! GERI-(gets kicked)Owww.....

Germany: Not until then did I know that this encounter wou-Why am I speaking all mushy? I AM A MAN!

Narrator: Italy was a rather attractive country for just a snotty child, but Rome is hotter. Everyone wanted Italy.

HOWEVER, ITALY WAS WEAK.

Narrator: Italy was weak, so teenage countries invaded his vital regions, most notably France, Spain, and Prussia. They make the BTT, or Bad Touch Trio. France started the trend by pulling down his pants and shoving the Eiffel Tower up his a**.

Once again, the time was World War I.

Germany: I captured that wimp and put him in my house...I hope I learn from him. He must have a master plan. Dude, the door's wide open. Aren't you gonna try and escape?!

Italy: Why would I? I could study the average German man! Germany is very innovative. Do you think sausages and Volkswagens just pop out of nowhere?

Germany: DEUTSCHBALLS! I mean, dude! You are a soldier! You should at least try to escape to gain your true potential and-ARE YOU ASLEEP?!

Italy: Deutschland! Everything's beautiful in Deutschland! There's plenty of beer and sausage to go around, it is never safe and sound! Sing and drink with me, just don't drown! Everybody just loves Gerrrrmaaaany, I think there's not enough for you to seeee....an-

Germany: F*** YOOOUUU! THAT WAS TERRIBLE!

Italy: Is that a yes on the union?

(Le Intro)

(OHONHONHONHON)

Germany: I find it illogical France wants all of my pants. I have to sew all these pants and give France all the cash I make off of them! At least I'm fueled on beer and sausage. And I have time for myself. I can daydream about the World's Largest Wurst all I want!

Italy: Hey Deutschballs! Can I have a job? I'm lacking cash and-AAAAHHHHH!!!(flies out window)

Germany: Don't ask me for a job you Italian doofus! All I can do is work 24/7 and pay back Francy-Pants!

Italy: But...but Germany! Deutschland! Doitsu! If I could say it in Chinese I would!

China*Randomly pops in*: Déguó!

Italy: Showoff.

Germany: .....I'll find you something.

Italy: Dear Perverted and Older Brother, I got a job at Germany's! I get payed so much cash that I could die! But everything is overpriced, it's like Pokemon! Except health care isn't free.

Japan: Konnichiwa, I am Japan, and this show is F***ING RACIST! Anyway, I took sides with Germany because I had to, do I really want to be on the same side as Soviet? Seriously...

Germany: It's great! We have 2 other members as well.

Japan: Wonderful, but can they build a Gundam within an hour?! I DON'T THINK SO! I seriously hope it's not the fat one with the pasta or the one with the porno magazines.

Germany: Well, I don't want to believe it either, but those are the guys.

Korea: *Jumps on Japan* ALL YOUR BREAST ARE BELONG TO KOREA!

Japan: The f***? He is.....pervy!

Germany: Ja, that's kind of his thing.

Japan: GET THE MOTHERF***ING GUY OF ME NO DON'T TOUCH ME THERE NOOOO-

(Dunnn dunn dunn DAH DAAAAH....etc...)

Germany: Japan, were you able to make those tanks using those blueprints?

Japan: Oh? *Screwing an arm into a Gundam* Nah, I had Korea do it. All I can do is shrink stuff. WHY YOU EXPECT JAPANESE MAN DO EVERYTHING?!

Germany: No. F***ING. WAY.

Japan: It's no big deal, actually. See, this is the shrunken tank. *Shows* Korea built it, and we had to "get along", explaining why....my chest has red marks.

(Tank undergoes GUNDAM TRANSFORMATION!)

Japan: That was also my addition to the machine.

Germany: MEIN GOTT!

(Eyecatch. Like I said, fics have eyecatches now, it's new, deal with it.)

(YAOI IN AN OPEN BATH HOUSE WITH JAPAN AND ITALY! Okay, no yaoi, sorry.)

Italy: Germany told me you could shrink stuff. Is that true? Can you do me?

Japan: I'm....not currently doing requests.

Italy: OH GOD AWESOME! You shrank it! Your thing!

Japan: F*** YOU! It's always been that size!

Italy: I'm sorry....

Japan: Sorry? SORRY?! *Gets out katana*

Italy: Waaaah!

CHIBITALIA

Narrator: Damn, Spain looks depressed. What's up with that?

Chibitalia: YO TONTO! What's with the ugly long face?!

Spain: Just get outta my face, kid. You're gonna get eaten.

Chibitalia: The f***?

Spain:Meh, you'll find out soon, anyway.

Chibitalia: ....I still don't get it.

THE ITALIAN WARS!

Narrator: During the Italian Wars, the snotty child Italy was owned by Austria. I guess later the same will happen to Germany, and we'll all die. Anyway, Italy had a sucky life and....the end.

Austria: Listen, kid. You belong to me. All you gotta do is totally obey me and not ask any questions. Any questions?

Chibitalia: Yes...do you serve pa-

Austria: I SAID NO QUESTIONS! (Throws Chibitalia out the window)

(Epic eyecatch again...)

Germany: The two Asian guys in my crew aren't the best. There's that one, who builds Gundams and brags about it. He also always says stuff like-

Japan: I'll think about it. By the way, that means no. SUCKAH.

Germany: His name is Japan. He's rude, yet powerful and intimidating. And then, there's that one. All he does is look at porn and glomp Japan all day.

Korea: Shut it, or I'll ban even this PARODY from my country!

Germany: And then there's that one......

To be continued, maybe!

Italy: Ciao, it's me Italy! We're in the middle of World War II! My we I mean Germany, Japan, Korea, and ME! I know it's historically inaccurate but who cares? We stopped on an island for a vacation and stuff gets all dramatic! What's gonna happen? Find out on Part 5 of Hetalia:Asse Powers!

(Ending.....bleh. Stupid song.)

Last edited by TeamRocketGrunt; 6th October 2012 at 5:35 PM.
Reason: Editing grammar for spiffiness :3