Thursday, August 10, 2006

Eight Interesting Facts About Me

Hi all,

One posting formula I have managed to resist is the one consisting of "things about me". ("Who I Am" was different.) Until now. PJ just did an "8-Things" post on her blog, and apparently by reading it, I have been "tagged". So here goes.

***

1) I like vanilla ice cream, especially if said purchase irritates the crap out of other dinner attendees (Awwwww, why'd you get VANILLA ...)(Why? Because I'm evil! Bwahahahahahaha! Screw you! Don't have any then, you whiney pain-in-the-ass! More for me! More for me! Awwww, don't pout. Here, I'll give you money to go to Baskin Robbins. But wait ...... you can only buy more vanilla ice cream with it! Bwahahahahahhaha!)

What's not to like?

2) I am a dog person (like you couldn't tell). Not that I don't like cats (Especially kittens! Only a cold, heartless bastard doesn't like kittens. Bob Dole probably hates 'em. Babies too. This suspicion swung my (key) vote to Clinton.). I've owned 'em. But when the last one (my favorite) died, I decided to stop there. Plus, there is truth to the old adage: "Care for a dog - it thinks you're a god. Care for a cat - it thinks that it's a god.".

"I'm Bob Dole. As a Republican, I don't have to like kittens or babies. In fact, they both should be outlawed."

3) I like those "Love is ..." cartoons. ('Nuff said. I promised myself that I wouldn't get emotional today.)

I wanna know what love is. I want you to show me.

4) The "Cathy" comic strip, on the other hand, bites the BIG one. In fact, during the process of "possible love interest evaluation", the "What do you think of "Cathy"?" question is always towards the top. (This is similar to the famous Groucho line: "Are you married? Do you have money? Answer the second question first.".)

One question. Is this comic supposed to be funny? (You may be wondering the same thing about my blog.)

4) My dream job is to be a writer, especially comedy, and for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (MST3K for short) in particular. If you haven't seen any episodes, make a point to do so. I'd say more here about it, but I plan to do a future post on MST3K.

After a 10-year run, they no longer make 'em. But they ought to.

5) I despise the telephone, and given the choice, wouldn't have one. I don't carry a cell phone for this reason (even though my company would pay for it), but also because cell companies are particularly evil. The main problem is that people will actually attempt to CALL me on it. F*ckers.

But if I were to get one, it would be a version of the Motorola Razr.

6) I'm a straight guy (or else I'm in severe denial, so they tell me), but yet I LOVE a good musical...............okay, I'm back. I had to briefly prance around the room singing "Such a Pretty Me" from West Side Story. Since you're dying to know, my favorites include "The Music Man", "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Annie Get Your Gun", "The Phantom of the Opera", "The King and I", "Cats", "My Fair Lady", "Jesus Christ Superstar", and "West Side Story". I could go on, but that's enough gaiety for one post.

What kind of wood doesn't float?

7) I consider sex to be the most sacred form of personal amusement. With another person, the specialness of it takes on exponential proportions. This is why I am compelled to ask "that special gal" for it constantly. And to find as many "special gals" as I can.

I can't think of sex without visualizing Dr. Ruth. Nor would I want to.

8) I enjoy conversations with people who can keep their side to 50-words or less, preferably double-spaced. This is why they have you do this on your school papers! Get a clue, Einstein!

Silent Cal. Former American President. A woman who sat next to him at a dinner bet that she could get him to say more than 2-words. At the end of the evening, he turned to her and said "You lose.". What a charmer!

9) This one is a "bonus thing". Similar to number 4 above, I use the TV show "Friends" for evaluation of potential "new hires". If they HATE the show, they're in. No further explanation should be necessary.

The urge to punch anyone who introduces himself as "Chandler" may prove too overwhelming to resist. Sorry. It's a character flaw that I possess.

***

Now it's your turn. I want all of you do one of these. And for heaven's sake, would you at least TRY to portray yourselves as interesting people?

62 comments:

1. I love chocolate, the darker the better. 2. I hate people with really bad, yellowed snaggle teeth. Not that it's their fault (to an extent) but I can't concentrate on what their saying. 3. I hate people who use the wrong word for their thought. Such as if someone is sceptical of something and they say they are spectacle, dumb asses.4. I am loyal to the death, but if you betray it I will never speak to you again, you will be dead to me. 5. I could sustain life on sushi and ice cream and eat nothing else for the rest of my life and be fine with it. 6. I am a camel when it comes to sex, but when you open the flood gate look out. I am very sexual with that one person, but I don't connect love and sex if it's not. I think I am a man in the respect that if I am having sex for the sake of sex, well, get off me who told you we could snuggle? But if I love you, I could sleep in your arms forever blah, blah....7. My secret untold dream that I have never told anyone is.....like I'm going to tell you! 8. I ask my magic 8 ball everything, and when I asked if I should answer #7 it said don't count on it.

2) I'll take mine out so they don't diminish your focus on my witticisms. Leaving them out will also benefit you in other ways.

3) So do I. But I like you too much to point out that you used "dribble" when the correct word in this context is "drivel".

4) So if you discover my disloyalty I will have to immediately kill you. Thus helping you meet your first condition, while I deftly manage to avoid your second and third options. I don't want to be like Fredo from "The Godfather", becoming dead to you as he became to Michael. (That was so sad. Poor Fredo got screwed. But then, that was the way Pops wanted it.)

5) You are one weird chick. Oh no, don't turn away, I treasure functional weirdness. As long as it doesn't get to the point of irritation. Besides, I like sushi too. And of course you already know where I stand on ice cream.

6) A camel? So many jokes for this one, but unfortunately they're all too dirty for this wholesome blog. (Which I need to keep family-oriented, since Disney has expressed interest.) And, well, if you HAVE to keep them disconnected, then I'd like to stay with the "sex" boxcar. "Who told you we could snuggle?" is an awesome line, one that is t-shirt worthy. Way to go. Sleeping in my arms forever, on the other hand sounds incredibly tedious and blood flow restricting. Can we set a more finite time limit at least?

7) Don't tell me. I'll only find a way to unintentionally smother it.

8) I need to substitute your magic eight ball for something I like to call "free will". Either that, or swap it for one where every answer is "Take clothes off and wait for further instructions".

I'm going to hold onto "ask me whatever you like" as my "Get Out of Jail Free" card and save it for the opportune time.

Hummm...despite your comment on women not knowing what they want....I bed to differ. I'm very clear on what I want and even who I want...I've found all said qualities in different people. The difficulty is finding that one that has them all. As for scary...I'm not afraid...as the lion would say...'put em up....c'mon....put 'em up" and I totally concurr with your number 7. As well as your love for vanilla....I'm easy like that....if it's ice cream I'll eat it.

GG, yes, you do have high standards. I have a lot of respect for that. You keep me on my toes, and you have me carefully choosing my words. It keeps me sharp (well, somewhat). I love your intensity. I love that we agree on numbers 1 and 7. I miss it when we don't banter. I hope you are enjoying your vacation.

No, I meant dribble. Good catch though. While drivel would indicate I would be talking stupidly, dribble would indicate that I was talking with a flow, much like the small crap I threw out there for you. Had you been paying attention you probably would have caught this, but I will forgive you because of the whole teeth thing. What exactly is it you plan on doing anyway?

I don't want to lead you on, jmeped, but my teeth are white, non-crooked (unlike my mind) and unfortunately do not come out. So any acts requiring the absence of teeth would have to wait 40-years or so. Or until your visit to Decatur.

Hey, you said you could take them out, as far as I am concerned that's false advertising. While I am glad they are white and straight. Now I will be able to focus on your words and not your teeth. Poor Pissy is probably still sitting there waiting, I don't know where Decatur even is.

Alright then, jmeped, let's make a deal. I'll find a way to have my teeth painlessly extracted, provided you can reveal an activity (requiring gums only) SO enticing that my effort is justified. (How's that for a run-on sentence?)

Hi luxlucisvica. Wow, your name is almost as difficult to handle as my own.

However, I cannot structure my life around "maybe", anymore. "Maybe" mom will come back to feed me. "Maybe" my date will come back with my car. "Maybe" people will stop by to read my blog. No longer for this chap.

So can I get you to commit just this once. Stretch a bit by making a promise which you then keep!

Just teasing. Welcome to my blog. I am happy with your visit and your comment. Do come back often.

FM, and that was just "Lassie". Before that, "The Lone Ranger" was on. I always wanted to be him for Halloween. But the way my life typically plays out, I'd have to stop at the bank first, and would forget I had the damned costume on.

And what's the deal with Tonto? Did his tribe kick him out for being a "goody two shoes"? Is that what "Tonto" means? These are the questions that I contemplate as the empty beer cans pile up.

Whoa! I just meant that I rest the "dogs vs. cats" case, and how cat owners are enablers.

See MS, you already gave us two (Even though the 2nd one isn't true ... you look like a stylish young Al Capone, but without the scar! And just like Al, there you were in your recent pic with a babe on your arm. While here I am, so ugly that they don't even let me keep the pictures that come with the frames.).

Was that so hard? And I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. Your blog is a continuous (and interesting) meme.

Jmeped, congratulations. You passed one of the many arbitrary tests that I'll be throwing your way. Had you meekly accepted the roll of Robin, I would have been disappointed.

Cat Woman it shall be. What's with the whip, though? My new approach is to locate that elusive female who does NOT inflict pain. Physical or emotional. Perhaps once I have you spayed, you will lose this urge.

1) So you like "dark" and "twisted". No surprises there. And your propensity for cones will fuel my need to liberally dispense cone jokes during dessert. Win/win.

2) Check. You like to breathe. Faith Hill would enjoy that. She likes to listen in on breathing. While on the other hand, I find it annoying and tedious.

3) I don't recall either the DQ commercials or "American Dreams". Please explain, if you can find the time.

4) Apparently you are the first "cool" person to openly profess her enjoyment of Calvin and Hobbes. To me they're just marginally okay. But I have noticed (Warning! I'm about to be politically - instead of just the usual "anatomically" - incorrect!) that they seem WAY TOO POPULAR with nerds and lesbians. Especially nerdy lesbians. I have a lesbian friend (the total lack of mutual sexual attraction is probably WHY she has chosen to remain friends with me after the mandatory 90-day "trial period") who had their sticker in her back truck window. What's up with that? Is it a "signal", like a pink bandana in the back pocket, a Judy Garland record, or the "bat signal" illuminated over Gotham City?). You may want to keep this one on the down low until my research is complete, PG.

5) Yes! My point exactly.

6) Another pleasant surprise. I didn't expect Party Girl to be into musicals. Not that they are a keystone of my existence. It's just that it would be fun to do a drunken him-and-her Karaoke duet to one someday. And why no Suessical? Did you see it and decide that it sucks?

7) Vulnerable? Not me. I'm only vulnerable during the "right before" part. What if she doesn't accept me for who I am? What if she doesn't feel like sharing how her day went? Worst of all, what if there's a fire and I can't get my pants back on in time? That's why I always wear MC Hammer style Parachute pants whenever I'm planning on gettin' busy, just in case. But then the neighbors are always be able to tell when I'm going to score ("Well, if it isn't Hugh Hefner in his parachute pants! Who's his vinyl victim tonight? I didn't see UPS deliver anything today, so it's probably the same gal they delivered last week."

Afterwards, I am bored and distant, and am only vulnerable (physically in this case) if I foolishly share these particular feelings with the "special gal".

8) Don't get me wrong. If I find the woman to be "interesting", I can hang on her every word, even if there's an unbearably long string of them. Until number 7 is complete, that is.

Well I've been drinking, this is what happens when you don't have a job. I spent the day here, then went shopping at the secret for new panties, which the mcdonalds drive through guy wanted to see and then didn't even give me free fries, and now I'm a few into a six pack and here again. Too bad you don't live in the hood...........

The DQ commercials: The Moo-latte where someone is trying to stealt them? The guy who has the new hot and spicy burger and flames keep shooting out of his mouth? Yeah, the tickle me.

"American Dreams" was on for about 2 years, maybe 3 and was set right after JFK was assisinated. Oh, it went off the air last year, was on NBC on Sunday nights. It centered around a Catholic family in PA and a black family in PA. The Catholic family had the older, star football player son who goes into the military and goes to Vietnam leaving his girlfriend behind. The oldest daughter was on American Bandstand, much to her fathers dismay, and then two younger kids.The dad owned an appliance store.The dad of the black family worked for the white dad and so the two families knew each other.

It was just very, very well written, very smart writing, and was edited and flowed so seamlessly into each family and the situations they were all going through during this time period. Brilliant.

oh.my.jesus. How, tell me how, did I not see those topic? Much better than what I am actually working on. Much. Damn.Okay. I'm committing them to long-term for grad school.I'm just sayin'Or...Yes, or, Inner Dork Thursdays.