Wednesday, February 21, 2018

A few years ago, I came across a series of "two-sentence" horror stories like these ones on Bored Panda, and decided to write some of my own parent-themed "pocket" horror stories. As a severely sleep-deprived mom with nothing to do as I sat outside of my son's bedroom, trying to Jedi mind trick him into going the fuck to sleep, my cup ranneth over with bizarre thoughts. Now that I have another child who won't sleep, I've thought up a couple more. Because misery loves company, and if I can't sleep, then why should you?

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

There's Valentine's Day, Singles Awareness Day, and even Galentines Day which sounds like some kinky orgy where you wear horse masks and flog each other while some creepo stands in the corner banging a cowbell. Moms always get the shaft. That's why I'm coining the day with an equally obnoxious term: Momentine's Day.

Many of us have been fortunate enough to make a mom friend or two who is equally as dysfunctional as ourselves. Someone who's been through the struggles and doesn't judge you when you go lock yourself in the bathroom and take a breather while your kid throws a tantrum. Someone who's down to come over and talk shit while refereeing the kids from the kitchen while you snack on your kids' leftover nugs. Someone who laughs at the same remarkably inappropriate things as you do.

Give the special mom friend in your life one of these funny Valentine's Day cards to let her know that not only does she do an impeccable job at cleaning up other people's shit, she is the shit.