I have been reading some of the messages here in the forum for the past week or so. I am very desperate here. I am a mother of two and my children are very young. I have a husband who is completely unsupportive of what I am going through and threatens me that he is going to divorce me if he finds out that I am taking any meds. I have been addicted off and on for almost seven years now. It all started very ligitimatley, with numerous surgeries. I now have chronic back pain and depression. If I don't take any medication on a daily basis I feel like I am going to die. Not only do I get hot flashes, stomach aches and mood swings, but I feel anxious and unable to function socially. I have tried talking to psychologists at treatment centers and they all say that if I am taking the meds for a ligit reason then why stop? My reason? I don't want to lose my husband. I am not so afraid of the physical withdrawl symptoms as I am the depression that goes along with it. I come from a broken family myself and have a great fear of abandonment. I tell myself that I can do this alone but find that after the first day, it's soo bad that I can't stand it. I am very angry toward my children, lethargic and cry all the time. I have been told that an addictionologist would help tremendously, however if I do that...my husband will know that I have been taking the meds. Please if anyone has any suggestions?? I am so tired of feeling like my pain and the pain medication is controlling my life. Thank you for all your time.