Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Corporate speak

This afternoon I was reading a job description and was left breathless by the complete and utter bullshit that it contained.
There were probably about two lines of useful information, heavily camouflaged beneath nonsense and 'corporate/management speak'
Applying for the job would be akin to completing a cryptic crossword!
It read almost like the result of a schoolboy bet to see how much he could write, without actually saying anything.
I'm a huge fan of a little 'blue sky thinking' and can often be found 'thinking outside the box'.
I like to do both simultaneously as a, 'belt and braces' solution to most problems.
Despite my vast knowledge of bullshit, even I had never heard of the phrase, 'horizon scanning'!
Are you fucking kidding me?
Apparently, if I was fortunate enough to secure this post, I would be 'horizon scanning' for new ideas, responding to how current policy developments affect the company, liaising with 'policy influencers' from 'think tanks' to community groups, contributing to policy-led research and turning my knowledge into useful policy briefs to inform strategic direction and service area delivery.

If the interview was conducted long these lines, how could I ever keep a straight face?
In fact, fuck this job, I want to be a policy influencer from a think tank to community groups!
I could do it too. I have spent my whole life universally scrutinising the contradictory similarities of the unorthodox, yet conventional progression of the simplistic complexities of Corporate strategies.

I'm tempted to apply, just for the pleasure of asking why the fuck they feel the need to make up this shit!