Not sure what to think of life

Im a 20 year old gun collector, firearms are my passion. I owned several firearms and now am looking at jail time and the loss of my second ammendment rights over a crime I didnt commit, convicted of an f3 felony. Ive been thrugh several failed relationships in the past year, same thing always happens, girl always goes for or leaves me for another guy. I have had my episodes with depression but its never been this bad. I now even get to the point to ware I cant even get out of bed, I miss work and cant even function as a person. The fact I cant even own firearms anymore makes me wanna kill myself. Its hard for me to open up to people face to face because im ashamed that im depressed and that I cut myself, and im tired of being judged for who I am. People tell me I just need to get myself together but I dont know how, its easier said than done. I just dont know what to do anymore and im ready to just fold.

No I havnt seen a doctor, ive thaught about getting help but its hard. Not sure what to say to the family, like I said im embarrassed that im like this.

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There is no need to feel embarassed, it is a natural state of mind to feel depressed given the complexity of the pressures of modern society. I know it is more difficult for men to get help for emotional problems but you should really swallow your pride and go to see the doctor if you are feeling low, there are medications you can get to help you and they might be arrange some counselling to talk about your problems, it often helps to talk things over. I hope you get through this difficult time, things will get better.

i was arrested 12 years ago for a minor offence in canada (failure to declare agricultural goods at a border... paid a fine and that was that) that later turned out to bite me in the ass. what was a minor offence in canada turned out to be the equivalent of drug smuggling in the states. lost my job and got deported from the usa where i'd been happily working for 10 years.

what can i say. shit happens. it really sucks, and only my sister knows, not the rest of the family. i survived it and am rebuilding here in ireland. it's never gonna be fair, or right by my book but if i'm gonna survive i have to accept it and move on.

as one friend told me... "you are not a conviction, a job, an apartment in nyc or any of those things. you are just a force for goodness and kindness in the world."

if you are convicted, so be it. don't let it drive you to suicide.

oh yes, also prob not such a good idea to have guns around if you are suicidal. send the guns and/or ammo elsewhere?