Mother who works at a bank is actively going through my bank statements and account to see how much I am spending

Her mother is the narcissistic type that judges everyone by how they look and act, who happens to work in a bank where her daughter has an account open because it was made by her mom.

Everytime she withdraws money to buy anything she's met with a barrage of insults and swearing because she's "spending it on useless stuff, not to support the family".

Then what's the point of the parents?

I want to know a few things:

1} is it even legal to do so?

2} if illegal, what should I do in case I want not only for the access to seize entirely, but not harm the mother?

3} is it something that she can be sued for? Since it is sort of invasion of privacy and abuse of position in a banking establishment?

EDIT: just found a little more info from her, the account is NOT a joint account, it was a savings account that was made during her internship when she was a minor and once she turned 18 it was frozen, and it needed to be updated, so the one that has helped updating it was her mother.

the mother's name is NOWHERE on any form of legal papers from the bank, solely the daughter is responsible for it.

sub_english 681

IANAL, but I work at a bank.

I'm sure her mother is violating all kinds of policy. Everyplace I've worked, that would be a firing offense. It probably doesn't even matter if Mom is on the account--employees cannot touch their own accounts on the bank's inside systems.

The only exception would be if Mom was using the publicly available Online Banking service (or mailed statements, etc.) because Friend gave her the credentials.

Your friend should open an account at another bank. If she wants to scorch the Earth, she should complain to her current bank, up to and including its Office of the President (or other high level complaint function). All systems keep track of who touches what accounts--if mom has done so, it's likely going to cost her her job.

ThomasRaith 324

Everyplace I've worked, that would be a firing offense.

Can confirm. This would skip past being warned or a stern talking to. If they found out that this was happening at any of the institutions I've worked this would be a "get out and we'll mail you your stuff" kind of a deal.

deliriumintheheavens 5

Happy Cake day!!!!!

Cypher_Blue 1

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I have to submit a a list of all my family members who have accounts with us so they can make sure I don’t do anything with those accounts period.

skeyer 10

side note and kind of an odd question but what if someone (a brother or whatever) refuses to tell you who they bank with?

is it just a case of "fine" or would they demand you get that info?

insanenoodleguy 6

Presumably shouldn't be a problem. If they bank with mhoner's bank, that's going to show up in their records as long as she gives them the name he's using on his account. Presumably she knows her brothers name, so barring a convoluted situation and/or identity theft on his part, the name is enough to make sure she doesn't touch his stuff.

That said, I'm sure anybody paranoid enough to not tell their unestranged sibling they use the bank said sibling works at is going to be too paranoid to put his money in the bank they work at in the first place.

skeyer 2

ah cool. mainly thought of this from a flashback to a friend being a student and asking for a student loan and his form demanded information about his parents finances but he wasn't sure since his parents wouldn't give him the info as they didn't want him going to university and instead wanted him to work in his fathers company so he was never able to provide that information

insanenoodleguy 2

Hope thinks worked out for your friend, but very different situation, yeah. That was asking for specific banking information, presumably for the sake of determining loans/scholarships/etc.

In this case, the bank specifically does NOT want this person to know the financial information. It would be useful to confirm that the person did indeed have an account there, but it wouldn't be strictly necessary.

__lavender 2

Not exactly the same, but when I worked in finance all employees had to update my company every time they bought or sold a stock, or when nuclear family members did. My understanding is that it was to protect against conflicts of interest and insider trading. But, when I told them my family and I (parents/sibling) do not communicate about ANY financial decisions, they said it was fine to just account for my own holdings. I imagine that might be different for a spousal or child relationship though.

cld8 2

I assume it's a "to the best of your knowledge" kind of deal. If you aren't aware that your brother banks with your bank, you aren't going to snoop into his account.

mhoner 1

As long as you don’t do anything with it if you discover it no issues. Or if you do without thinking about it, tell compliance ASAP.

I know that second half seems improbable but I actually witness it and dude got sacked. It’s easier to happen to happen over the phone with family you never talk to. I don’t know how they discovered it but they did.

They take collusion very seriously. If it even remotely smells like it they will act on it.

Urbanscuba 3

Back when I worked tech support at an ISP and had billing system access if we even looked at a friend or family members account it was instant sacking. Obviously same goes for our own.

I'm surprised nobody's noticed anything in an audit in OP's situation. Our system probably would have flagged me if I tried anything like that.

skunkwrxs 55

Yup. Worked in the industry for thirteen years. This would be walked out immediately no matter what. I'm surprised it hasn't already to be honest. As how to handle it..transferring assets to another account would be the most simple and passive solution. Taking it to management would be more assertive and finally buying all sorts of strange shit, recording the call (check your state for party consent laws) and then holding on to that to do what you wish with is another.

FWB4 26

Used to work in ICT Support, supporting a banking platform.

We were told, in no unclear terms, that we were subject to the same rules of the employees of the bank (we were a different company, being given access to provide support) and the rules were clear - if you so much as looked up the name of someone you knew without express authorization from that person, you were fired.

Every search was tracked and could be interrogated and linked to the call you were on.

Flame_Grilled_Cake 11

My partner used to work in bank call centres (a few different banks) and that’s what he always told me. Using the internal systems for anything beyond helping customers was an instant firing offence at all of those jobs.

martinluther3107 9

I work in banking as well, this is all correct.

CanadianTrekkieGeek 7

When I worked at a bank (actually when I worked as a grocery store cashier too) I was not allowed to even serve my family members - they had to go to another teller. 100% the mother is breaking the rules of the bank and would be fired if the daughter complained.

skeyer 1

same re: going into your own account - even ISPs have rules on that.

no1asshole 249

I'm assuming that since the mother created the account that she's also an authorized user of the account? If so she can do whatever she wants with the account.

Honestly the easiest thing to do to fix this situation would be for your friend to open up a new bank account that's just in her own name, transfer all of her money to that bank account, and tell her mom to mind her own business.

It's trivially easy to create a new bank account. I'm probably not allowed to give specific recommendations but my bank has no fees at all for a checking account, no minimum, reimburses all ATM fees, etc, so I'd highly recommend your friend find a similar bank.

stizzleomnibus1 164

transfer all of her money to that bank account

Just to add, it would be best of the mom didn't know where the daughter is banking now. Bank employees are humans and almost comically susceptible to social engineering.

A direct transfer from one bank to the other would cause OP's new bank info to be available on the old account. She would be better off opening new accounts and writing a paper check from the old account and cashing it at the new one. Alternatively, she could purchase a money order from the old account for a small fee, and cash that at the new bank.

It goes without saying that if she lives with her mother she needs to sign up for paper statements only and probably get a P.O. Box to protect her privacy.

ljheidel 45

If she cashes the check at the other bank, won't the canceled check be returned to the bank where her mother is monitoring the account? The stamp on the check will show where it was deposited.

As I'm trying to do more and more often these days, do this with cash.

JC_the_Builder 59

Yes. The only way to move the money to another bank without a record at the old bank would be to withdraw in cash. You might also be able to do it by purchasing a money order from the post office.

A normal check, bank check, ACH transfer or wire transfer will all record the new bank account number, which the mother will then have.

annonymous13579 11

Please correct me if I am wrong

which the mother will then have

If she isn’t on the new account, then she can’t legally access it or go through the bank statements.

MavSeven 42

Key word: legally.

5 gets you 10 she would social engineer her way into the account.

cld8 1

Unless she happens to know someone who works at the new bank, I don't think she'll be able to do anything.

HanzG 2

The number of threads on here that I've read saying "so-and-so accessed my bank account", or "my mother's bills are being paid from my savings" makes me believe this happens a lot.

NanoRaptoro 3

It would be a pain, but she could transfer it twice. The mother would be able to see what bank the money initially went to with the first transfer, but would not be able to access information on where it went from there.

niceandsane 1

A normal check, bank check, ACH transfer or wire transfer will all record the new bank account number, which the mother will then have.

True, but if OP opens the new account at a different bank, then the mother won't have any access to transaction detail.

JC_the_Builder 3

The old account will have the transaction details. So if you write a check and cash it at the new bank, on the back of the check will be the stamp of the new bank and the account number.

Judge_Rick 10

This is a good reason to complain first so that mom gets terminated.

EchinusRosso 7

Is she still living with the mom? Cause this might be one of those situations where she doesn't want her mom to be fired.

skeyer 5

if she's not then get her fired. she deserves it. what are the odds that she's also going through other relatives/friends accounts too?

EchinusRosso 8

Less. Narcissists view their children as an accessory to their own existence. The child's failure is the narcissists failure. They generally feel unduly obliged to information about and control over them. They sometimes don't present as narcissists at all to their friends.

She sure as shit should be fired, but if that means a mortgage or rent stops being paid where OP lives, they're both homeless. That's not ideal.

Raveynfyre 2

Fair to middling. Depends on how much of an invasive narc she is. I'm sure she's looked up at least one other account she had no reason to, like a friend or distant family member.

stizzleomnibus1 3

Actually, yes. Good point.

omgitsfletch 5

It goes without saying that if she lives with her mother she needs to sign up for paper statements only and probably get a P.O. Box to protect her privacy.

That sounds terribly involved. Wouldn't just going electronic only be better? Then you don't have to go to a damn PO Box to get your mail.

stizzleomnibus1 1

You can't control what your bank will occasionally send you, and you can't go electronic everywhere.

ljheidel 1

Look at a service that provides a PO Box/mailing address and will scan your mail for you. You can then read it on their site and/or have it sent to you (or shredded.) They're pretty awesome. But, that being said, if this woman has so little regard for her child's privacy or individual agency, she's probably not above breaking into her e-mail or other accounts. A physical PO box with a physical key might be the best bet.

slapdashbr 33

At a different bank.

Odds are right now the mom is violating bank policy (based on the admittedly imperfect info from OP). If OPs friend brings this up with the bank, mom is likely to be fired for cause, which would ruin her career. Not getting another job at any bank if that happens.

If friend just opens another account at mom's bank, I suspect mom will continue to inappropriately monitor her activity, or attempt to. Which either solves nothing or gets the mom to do something that gets her caught, then fired, as above.

Open an account at a new bank. Mom can't do shit about it but it doesn't get her fired/life ruined. Which seems like a good compromise. Any other course of action is almost certain to get mom in trouble. Deservedly? Sure, but just because she deserves it doesn't mean it's worth the fallout

kaaaaath 0

Ally FTW.

Guygan 134

Certainly against bank policy.

Report her to her boss and she’ll be fired, so that may not be the best result for your friend.

Just tell your friend to open an account at the different bank.

MyLoveHammer 14

Not against policy if her mom "opened the account" like op says. It sounds like a joint account.

Guygan 22

OP also said it’s not a joint account.

MyLoveHammer -7

as far as I remember I think not

That's definitely stone cold proof then. Certainly all those qualifying statements don't cast any doubt on OPs knowledge of exact details of a bank account held by a friend.

nervuri_de_catifea 2

Perhaps it's a matter that OP didn't discuss in depth with said friend, but just something that came up in conversation.

We the readers could either ask OP to clarify, or we can start making assumptions and hope one of them is right.

What doesn't make sense is to disparage OP for not knowing all the details of a situation that they're not personally involved in..

MyLoveHammer -2

How does in any way what I said even resemble disparaging?

nervuri_de_catifea 1

You certainly sounded condescending and ironic.

slapdashbr 3

It's not clear but the smart thing to do is close this account and open one at a new bank.

weightandink 80

Okay, so when I had my brief time at a bank, I got to see a few things like this. Here’s the best suggestion I have.

Go to a branch where the mother doesn’t work. Explain that you’d like to close your account and receive in the form of a cashiers check or cash (if it’s a low amount. I don’t know your friends finances and neither should her mother). When they ask why, which most tellers will, just say that you’re closing to switch over to another bank for personal reasons. You don’t have to explain anything. Do NOT tell your family where you’re moving your money too. Other comments have talked about social engineering and I’ve seen it happen first hand.

After you have a shiny new account at new bank, please call the customer service line at your old bank. I assure you, that the mother violated a policy somewhere. At my old job, we weren’t allowed to look at our own accounts while working or those of family members. That was an immediate write up, with possibility of termination depending how bad it was.

I also recommend looking into a new place to live soon, because I believe that this can go very terribly very quickly.

pottersquash 32

Sounds like mom is on the account not that shes violating the bank rules.

ar9mm 13

At my bank you cannot access your own account using internal bank systems. Only can use customer facing sites. Otherwise you need a colleague to access the account on your behalf. Violation is auto-term

Claidheamhmor 1

We're explicitly allowed to view our own accounts, but only certain staff have the rights to actually do anything. Everything is logged and monitored, of course, and there are triggers in place. We are not allowed to view the accounts of colleagues, nor anyone else unless it's in the normal course of our work.

beeliver -5

Depends on who you are. They don't really care what branch manager looks at (unless it's way unreasonable).

ar9mm 6

Not at my bank, but banks can vary. By the way, I’m not a teller. I’m in-house employment law counsel.

beeliver -3

A manager would get in trouble for looking at his kids account? Sure thing, lmao. On paper - maaaybe, in reality - not so much.

ar9mm 5

Ive seen a manager fired for checking his daughters account balance for her. “Friends and family” violations are literally the number one reason retail bank employees get fired at my bank.

beeliver -2

This is a fairy tale.

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Come on, no one is above it but what would realistically happen to a higher pay grade employee for just that? Some stern talking to?

Raveynfyre 4

There is an entire department dedicated to finding these issues in most banks. I work for one. Even managers would get fired over this. The CFPB has rules about how banks can operate and privacy is a key component. There is a reason the CFPB exists, and it's to stop banks and their unscrupulous employees from abusing their power.

beeliver 0

Fired. On the spot. For looking up their kids balance. Get out of here with your bs. I don't know why you have to make this shit up, unless you're the same guy on a different account being salty.

A company invests heavily into these management roles for years, and you are telling me they just terminate them? These tens of thousands of dollars in training and experience? You are being dishonest. I worked retail and backoffice and I've seen enough to be able to eeeeaaaasily call you out.

[deleted] 1

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frisian2 26

is she an adult?

if so then report it to the bank close the account and go to a different bank.

z9nine 17

Is the mother's name on the account?

Hanako-Ikezawaii 13

as far as i remember, i think not.

z9nine 30

I ask, because you said it was made by her. If her name is on it, she can access it whenever she likes. If she is abusing her position in the bank you should close the account, report her to her boss, and bank elsewhere.

ape_cage 18

She should definitely double check that before escalating it.

yellin 3

Many banks offer free accounts to employees. When I worked at a bank, I had joint accounts with both my parents and my husband (separate accounts) because it meant that none of us paid any fees. It is likely that her mother is joint on her account. If she doesn't like her mother knowing her business, she should get a new account (and at a different bank).

Galaxy_news 2

I totally forgot my dad was on one of my accounts for year because he never used it, and his name wasn't on my debit card or checkbook. But when I actually looked at my statement once I noticed he was still on it.

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The problem with reporting the mother is that OP may live with her mother. The other problem with reporting her mother is that, her mother being narcissistic, her mother may be able to convince bank officers that she is investigating her own child for fraud or some other financial crime. Just switching banks, too, may not solve the problem because the mother will be able to tell the child's paychecks are not being deposited anymore. Plus the mother, having access to the child's Social Security number and other aspects of the child's identity, may be able to tell from credit monitoring, set up in her child's name without her child knowing about it, where her child has set up a bank account.

OP, if I were your friend, and if I were living with a mother like that, I would treat this like a domestic abuse situation. Your friend needs to figure out where she can live. As soon as she has a new bank account at another bank, and as soon as her paychecks are set to be direct deposited there, she needs to move out the very same day.

EDIT: She may also need to put a fraud alert on her credit, obtain a new Social Security number, and do other stuff people do when their identities are stolen. Because even if the mother hasn't, she might if her daughter tries to assert her own life.

chewytheunicorn 8

IANAL BUT:

I've worked for big corporations and if they have taught me anything it's that big companies hate being sued. Reviewing customer data without a business need will get you F I R E D and possibly sued if the company is pissed enough.

Whether it is illegal or not, her mom definitely signed an agreement saying she WILL NOT use company systems for personal use. This is used to protect CPNI from being sold.

What I'm saying is your friend needs to call her bank and ask to speak with a manager and report this.

If she can’t leave the bank but still wants to hide all her activities, she can connect PayPal to her account and do all purchases through their system. Still use the debit card for cash. Don’t know if you can use it with a savings account - never tried.

JustNilt 6

Another option is an American Express Serve card. It can be tied to the account to auto-reload if needed and is accepted a lot of places PayPal may not be. It isn't universal, to be sure, but it's yet another level of flexibility if needed.

DarthPokeher 4

Time for a new bank.

Jomurphy27 3

2 new banks, one where she actually plans on using and another she can let slip to mom that's where she moved her money to throw off the scent....depending on how crazy mom actually is

DarthPokeher 1

That's a great idea!!!

and the secret account at a national bank that they can take with them wherever they go.

quazkapeck 0

Right! This didn't require a Reddit post. The answer is obvious.

medic205 4

I would be willing to bet it’s against bank policy and your friend could file a complaint, but it seems the best course of action for your friend would be to switch banks.

Grumpostiltskin 4

It’s about as legal as a family member who is a nurse or a doctor combing through their family members medical records. AKA totally illegal.

Shinhan 2

Everybody else said this is only against policy. Why are sure this is also illegal?

Also, hospitals have HIPAA which is different.

Daleth2 4

Totally illegal, but as a practical matter, why the heck is your friend still using that account? Go open another one at another bank, then take the money out of this one and move it to the other bank.

And then, of course, complain to the bank where the mom works.

aidanh010 3

You want to sue the mother for unauthorized access but you don’t want them to be fired?

Hanako-Ikezawaii 2

Well, it's more of a "in the long run" in case the mother ever dares touching the money for her personal gain.

devil-wears-converse 3

I worked at Citibank as a supervisor. I don't know about other banks, but they probably have the same policy. You cannot look up ant relative or friends accounts. At Citi, you can't even talk to them if they somehow get you in queue (it has happened). Because fraud happens pretty often at bank call centers, they take this very seriously. Is this illegal? I don't know. But it's a very firable offense. She can report the mom, but if that's not something she is willing to do, then she should just get another and not tell her mom

everythinghurts25 2

I'm a customer service representative for a major credit card/bank company in the U.S. (we're only based in the U.S., by the way :D). Although I have always been curious about my account, parents's accounts, friends', etc... Anytime you access an account in the system, it's linked to you. It shows my user ID in any account I search up or is prepopulated from the phone calls. I have already been told that it's instant termination for accessing family, friends, celebrities, or our own accounts. So, I'm sure the branch manager would love to hear this.

desiderius123 2

Before you take any other actions (legally etc). Let your friend open an new account at a different bank. Problem solved.

thiccthixx6 2

My family member works at a bank and I refuse to get a bank account there because I don't know if they'd look and then ask for money and when I say no, get pissy. It's happened before when I was younger so I just don't go there. It's a shame people deal with this.

GoPackGo16 2

NAL. Change banks.

GreedyChocolate 2

Your call, you can call the bank and report it and she most likely will be fired. If it were me I would just switch banks.

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If it is not a joint or custodial account and if the mother is not using an access friend granted her e.g Sure mom go ahead and set up the online access. If both those things are true then a friend can report to the bank but mom will likely be fired with cause. Mom is also free to withdraw any support to an adult, so ducks in a row.

The easiest answer is to bank with a different bank.

To my knowledge, there is not automatic payable to victim laws re violating banking privacy laws but I'm not 100% sure.

KayakAuFond 1

I once worked for a bank as a kind of customer service representative.

During training on the bank computer system, we worked on the live systems, not development or training ones.