Sunday, November 23, 2014

As a little girl, my favorite place...my happy place...the place I felt most safe...was sitting next to my Grandma Parker on her bright pink velvet couch as she read stories. She always wore a brightly colored house coat, coordinating house slippers and a complimentary string of beads always rested around her slender neck. Her hair was white and fluffy and her bifocals were carefully decorative. She always smelled of white Tic Tacs and always had a little box near by. My favorite book...our favorite book...was a tired copy if a book titled "Miss Sniff." This book records the adventures of a little black cat, perfectly named Miss Sniff, who engages in a series of wild unexpected adventures. All images of this kitten were covered in black velvet which I would carefully touch....on every page....each time we read this story. When I close my eyes...nearly thirty-five years later... I can see the images printed on the thick paper pages. Thanks to this book I learned important words like mischief and peculiar and i discovered than cats can easily fall into buckets of yellow paint should you choose to freshen up your exteriors. My sweet Grandma most likely read this story to me well over one hundred times. I loved her. I loved this book and when she died this book moved from her house to mine. Most if the velvet has now been rubbed off, the binding is brittle and the art work has faded but it does not matter to me. Books are life long treasurers. Today I am grateful for the books that shaped my childhood. Reading...the practice and the process took years to appreciate and only happened thanks to the concerted effort of a skilled mentor and educator who taught way outside the box. Today, I am grateful for the books that shaped me. Grateful for my textual lineage. Grateful for the rhyme and rhythm if Dr. Seuss. Grateful for Judy Bloom and Beverly Clearly....they must have been BFF's...don't you think?. And mostly grateful for Miss Sniff and the love that only a Grandmother can provide.

So. Tonight it became clear, once again, why I love working for YouthCity. One of the backbones of our program are our community partnership and tonight I got to take a van full of sassy Latino teenage girls (and one very love able and brave fifteen year old boy) to the Salt Lake Bicycle Collective for their weekly Earn-a-Bike class. The mission of the Bicycle Collective is as follows: “to promote cycling as an effective and sustainable form of transportation and as a cornerstone of a cleaner, healthier, and safer society. The Collective provides refurbished bicycles and educational programs to the community, focusing on children and lower income households.” YouthCity has had a longstanding partnership with the Bike Collective for well over a decade and we’ve sent hundreds of kiddos to these weekly classes. When you give a kid a bike you change the landscape and scope of their whole world…and when a kid learns how to build their own bike…two wheels, some miss-matched brakes, and a once rusty chain quickly transition from a bunch of random parts into endless tickets to freedom and exploration.

I have not been to the Bike Collective in years and I so loved walking into their large garage where random bicycle parts hang from every square inch knowing that anyone can walk in and get help building or repairing a bike. This faithful non-profit has come a long way in the last decade and it was exciting to see each workbench full of bike enthusiasts happily tinkering, creating and constructing. Grateful for the smell of greasy tools and grimy hands. Grateful for the rows and rows of bicycle rims, handle bars, cross bars, and fenders. Grateful for the bins and cans and boxes of random gears and breaks and spokes and chains. Grateful to know these bike enthusiast not only recycle just about everything…but they will happily show you how everything works. Grateful for the wall of well used tools and loved on workbenches. Grateful to know that there is not only room for all…but all are welcome. Grateful for the encouraging words spoken by the Bike Collective staff to our sassy-pants ladies…whose well-manicured hands confidently grabbed well-worn wrenches and greasy sockets and knew exactly what to do with them. Long live the Salt Lake Bicyclist Collective.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

In 1913, a celebrated Russian painter, Wassily Kandinsky, started painting circles within circles within circles carefully placed into rectangles and then each carefully aligned one after another. I’m a big fan of his painting “Concentric Circles” and I’m a big fan of many of his others. Grateful for primary colors. Grateful for thoughtful repetition. Grateful for bold combinations and simple pairing. Grateful for oil pastels…they are like crayons…but on steroids…grateful for the accessibility of great works of art….today I am grateful for Wassily Kandinsky.

Grateful for those.... And let's get real this applies to all of us....who become experts at....something. Perfect the apple pie. Keep an emaculate yard. Write and send timely thank you notes. Learn how to fold laundry like a champion. Organize and bag groceries like nobody's business. Become the carpool mastermind. And like this guy....become the world's best ukulele player...like in the whole world. Grateful that there is as much passion out there as there is diversity. Grateful for the drive and ambition that lies inside each if us and for the knowledge that we are all really good at something. Grateful that gifts and talents are...diverse...and...unique...and personal...and...sharable...and tonight I'm grateful that this guy...Mr. Jake Shimabukuro thought it would be cool to explore a little a Queen....check this out....well worth 10 min....

Throughout this year, my reading list has intentionally included several books penned by the ever talented Dr. Maya Angelou and I must admit I wished had read her work sooner. Grateful for the way she weaves words with her varied experiences and how she both commands her life and the English language. Grateful for her personal vision and for the perspective she inspires others to develop. Grateful for her endless honestly, directness, and willingness to admit fault, error and individual blind spots. She wrote about life. She wrote about life and love and family and loss and art and sex and work and freedom. Most of her thoughts were simply and originally hers first and published as an after thought. Her books provide not just an anthology of her life but a record of the journey, and more specifically, the journey women of color often experience. Grateful for her inspiring words and the way they are making me think. Grateful that a pasty white girl from Salt Lake City can so we easily connect.

Did you know that November is National Adoption Month? I'm not really sure who or what kind of committee gets to decide which month is assigned to each good and worthy cause (and to be honest, I’d like to get in on that action…but that is for another day) and without question, I think identifying November as National Adoption Month is incredibly appropriate. Over the last two years, Burke and I have read about and researched the process of adoption. We’ve participated in conference calls and webinars. We’ve attended informational meetings, training classes and conferences. We’ve sent email. We’ve made phone calls. We’ve met with dozens of birth Moms, adoptions agencies, and adoptive parents. And with each new bit of information and after listening to one story after another…we always end up in the same place….WOW, this whole messy, complicated, gut wrenching, nuanced, laborious, inspiring, and restorative process is not just life changing…it’s incredible… and you can’t really talk about adoption without touching on gratitude and landing at thanksgiving.

Without question…we are grateful for the last few years of focused study and for what we’ve learned. Grateful for the good people who have and continue to share THE most vulnerable parts of their lives with us so we can make better and more educated decisions about ours. Grateful for the courage and faith that fuels this dynamic process….adoption ain’t for sissies! Grateful for the countless demonstrations of kindness and generosity and love shared by total strangers who when they learn you are interested in adoption hug you so so tight then grab you by the hand and willingly share their adoption story reassuring you that you are not crazy and that you can and will actually survive the process. Grateful for how these perfect strangers become instant thought partners, cheerleaders, examples, resources...they are not just or only a community…they become family… as they buoy you up with hope and then happily help connect you with everyone in their adoption network. Grateful for those who trudge (and that is not too strong of a word) through the unknown emotional land mines connected to creating families…not through biology…but through kindness, sacrifice, faith, friendship, trust, love and a whole lot of hope. Grateful for new friends who are teaching me to hope and continue to shine light and truth into the dark emotional places that only infertility can create. Grateful that the State of Utah has successfully recognized Burke and I as “fit” and has issued us a Utah Foster Care License….hallelujah and hot Damn it’s finally official..SO Grateful we survived that a vetting process that makes the DMV look and feel like Disneyland. Grateful for birth Moms and bio Dad. Grateful for the legion of adoptive parents who make it look easy and freely admit that it wasn’t. Grateful that each day...with each article read, meeting attended and information exchanged…we are closer…just a tiny bit closer to our “one day” kiddos and our forever family.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Part of my new gig with YouthCity includes assisting with an incredible program called Kids Café. According to the Utah Food Bank website, Kid’s Café provides a hot nutritious meal to more than 1,700 low-income kiddos daily and these meals are provided each night for free at close to 35 schools and recreation centers. Agencies and organizations agree to host this program and organize volunteers to help serve these meals on a daily basis. There is nothing fancy about this food…but it's warm….it’s nutritious….it’s free….and it happens everyday rain or shine. Each night, one member of our team is assigned to help organize and distribute these meals. Then at 5:00 p.m. we stop our classes and activities and the kiddos enjoy some grub. Not just YouthCity kiddos but any child 0-18 years can eat for free...every night... and I love this program. Providing this program, with its scale and consistency, is no small task and I am both humbled and amazed by the impact it has on not just the hungry kiddos but on me…watching this happen on a daily basis is evidence that there is still good in the world....and that goodness comes in many forms. Grateful I get help out. Grateful for the generosity found within our community to help kids and families gain access to good food. Grateful for those who cook in mass, package in mass and then transport these meals throughout the Salt Lake Valley. Grateful to know these little deserving bodies have access to milk (always chocolate), some kind of fruit, some kind of veggie and some kind of main dish protein...for free...everyday.... And then on Fridays, our kiddos get a sack full of food to take home and enjoy over the weekend. Utah Food Bank for the win…and Taco night is the all time favorite…

Last night, along with an auditorium full of like minded people, I attended a lecture given by Cheryl Strayed, celebrated author of "WILD: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail." This inspiring memoir is one of the texts I devoured this summer as part of my personal walk about and quickly became a new favorite. Not only did I enjoy her writing style but this raw, honest and meaningful account of her personal grief journey provided another example of how authenticity requires us to willingly walk into the unknown...come what may. Her experience has been made into a movie staring Reese Witherspoon opening this December and I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one. Below are some of my notes from tonight followed by one of my favorite passages from her book WILD. Should you want or need a new favorite, I recommend you check this out. Grateful I got to hear her speak...I knew she and I would become BFFs. Grateful for her insights and personal courage to blindly walk into the unknown and do a hard thing. Grateful for my ability to read...it was a hard one skill and something I am forever grateful for.

Quotes & Notes from her lecture:"How is it...that we bare the things we can not bare? ""I had to let my body carry the weight.""What does it feel like to lose an essential person?""Why has our society made grief a private solo experience?""What is fierce maternal love? How does it happen? How do you develop it?""We continue to discover new layers of our lives""In the movie of my life...I was in the drivers seat."

From the book:

"The clamor of 'What have I gotten myself into?' was a mighty shout. It could not be drowned out. The only possible distraction was my vigilant search for rattlesnakes. I expected one around every bend, ready to strike. The landscape was made for them, it seemed. And also for mountain lions and wilderness-savvy serial killers.

But I wasn't thinking of them.

It was a deal I'd made with myself months before and the only thing that allowed me to hike alone. I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe. I was strong. I was brave. Nothing could vanquish me. Insisting on this story was a form of mind control, but for the most part, it worked. Every time I heard a sound of unknown origin or felt something horrible cohering in my imagination, I pushed it away. I simply did not let myself become afraid. Fear begets fear. Power begets power. I willed myself to beget power. And it wasn't long before I actually wasn't afraid." - Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail

So, it's quickly becoming winter in Salt Lake City and both socks and jackets are now required. We are not yet at the mitten or parka phase but we are close. Burke always leaves before I do in the morning and I'm normally racing out the door with my phone, jacket and overstuffed bag in one hand and my breakfast and keys in the other. Today, when I opened my front door, I was overcome with the bitter cold and this image....My lover generously scrapping frost off my windshield and car windows. Does it get any better? Such a sweet gesture. Such a sweet guy. Grateful I waited...he was well worth it. Grateful he loves me far better and more than I deserve. Grateful my frosty cold morning commute was much faster and far more pleasant than I had expected.