Who have I become?

Uhg… leave it to Siri to know exactly what to play on my random playlist. Hearing this song today made me realize I’ve been saying no to A LOT of things due to fear. A fear I never used to have. Damn it Mary Poppins…

It’s crazy but these last couple of years have really thrown me for a huge loop. Between the horrid marriage, illness, having to face drastic career change, absolute betrayal by people I trusted, etc. I’ve closed myself off. It wasn’t something I did knowingly. It just happened.

I used to say yes to pretty much every opportunity that came my way… now I’m afraid to commit to a dinner out much less an opportunity for growth. But why? Is it fear of change? My crippling fear of failure? Fear of being let down? Anxiety from all of these perhaps.

I want to get back to being that woman who took risks, grew a successful career by making herself noticed instead of being meek, and didn’t let anyone hold her back. I feel like the shadow of the woman I was 3 years ago. The woman I was before I married a man who hurt me and brought up insecurities I hadn’t felt since middle school… before I lost my self and my voice.

I will try to stop finding a reason to say no to everything. I will try to come back out of my shell of anxiety and distrust. I will try to aim for the heavens so I can get the stars thrown in. Why? Because anything can happen if you let it.