It's always a bad sign when the core audience of a film -- children -- are either walking out early or are half-asleep when the credits roll at the end of a film. That about sums up the dreadful ugliness of 102 Dalmatians, a cold pea soup of cute animals, stupid Home Alone antics, a boring puppy love subplot between dumb humans, and Glenn Close reprising her best Joan Crawford impression. Indeed, Walt Disney is rolling over in his grave again, cursing John Hughes' name for making the original live-action 101 Dalmatians, one of the worst kiddie flicks of all time, and now its sequel.

The main culprit behind the hideousness of 102 Dalmatians is its predecessor, 101 Dalmatians. The original made more than $100 million dollars at the box office, spawned a torrid collection of "collectible" items that ended up months later in the discount bins of Wal-Marts across the country, and generally made every kid on the planet want a damn Dalmatian pup for Christmas. Well, it's been about four years since then, and Dalmatian fever is coming back, and this time it's digitally enhanced.

Here's a little something to think about, should you find your unfortunate, misguided, sorry ass dragged to see this utter waste of a movie. Who's more masculine-looking: Matthew McConaughey, with his Goldilocks looks and enormous pecs, or Kate Hudson, with her creepy, angular features and ironed-straight Guns N' Roses hairdo?

This spurious conjecture is sadly far more interesting than How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, a film which effectively loses its audience inside of 10 minutes.