Let it go

I am one of those few people who always try and hold on to relationships especially friendship. Friendship means the world to me. Its been 22 long months since I met my old friends with whom I have shared my life for more than a decade. I believed physical distance could never create a distance in friendship, but now my beliefs are changing. Its not that you intentionally forget a friend but it so happens with course of time and busy schedule that eventually out of sight is out of mind.

I don't mean to say it in a bad way.. or in a negative sense.. it is just one of those things that happen and you have no control on it.

Sometimes we try to hold on to relationships.. even after misunderstandings even after relocating to a new country even after fights or betrayal. I am one of those...

It just comes naturally to me to hold on to those I love... I cannot give up on a person easily. In the past because of this very nature of mine I have been taken for granted. So now I sometimes try voluntarily to draw that line of tolerance.

Today I realize that not all friendships are meant to last forever. I should no longer cling on to relations...and its time to let go... It will stay and flourish forever if it was meant to be else I should learn to simply cherish the beautiful past and learn to let go...

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Ananya

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There is no hard and fast rule. Each person evolves with time and seek different experiences/learnings. When that happens, you have to understand that you can no longer fulfil the other person's needs and let go. Years later they may reach out again. When they do, you have a choice whether to pick up the reins or not.

Its easy to say let it go but very difficult to do so...I wonder how people changes by the time, their feelings, their priorities, its good to do so in career but not good at all in relationship.And I wish one day they should realize what they loose in their life.

Ananya, I have a hard time letting go too... I had a 'friend' for 25 years but it ended badly and we no longer speak. It's been 12 years, I forgive her but for my sanity we can no longer hang out... we saw each other last month and walked right by each other.

Some friendships are worth fighting for, only if both people are willing to put the work in... it's tough when you care so deeply for people... my friends are part of my family...

I lost a very good friend because of a misunderstanding... if he came to me and said he was sorry, I'd truly forgive him... I've actually fogiven him but I'd tell him to his face.

I agree with you!!! I have a theory in which I believe that no friendship lasts forever.It’s sad and hurtful when people we care about change this way. stay strong and don't waste your time with someone who only wants you around when it's convenient.

Letting go is not always a bad thing. At the end of the day, I'm sure deep inside we already know who we want to retain in our lives. And we will tend to invest our effort and time in those. A good way to find this out would be to keep a journal of people who we are in touch with currently and most importantly, why we still value those relationships. This exercise should probably tell us why we let go of some of our past friends. I haven't tried this exercise yet but, would love to try it and figure it out myself :)

Ananya, I too have a hard time in letting go relations. And as you have said , one do not have any control over it .. but with advent of social media , i have made this golden rule - wish your friends , don't expect them to wish you back... when I feel nostalgic or something remind me of them , I message them and forgets . If they reply even after a month, means they too have that feel but are (maybe) too busy in the humdrum of life... equations change , with responsibilities/freedom and success /failure life styles change but relations do not . If they do then your way is the best one :) :)

Really like your blog.Its like every one can relate with it. As all of us goes through this phase later or sooner in our lives.Due to this reason only people become more practical and less emotional as their past taught them a very good lesson.

Very true. Been there Ananya as I had similar notions of friendships and came to similar conclusions many years ago. Your post reminded me about my own experiences and the associated heartbreaks.Time also acts as a great healer but in the process changes us. Keep writing :-)

I'm going through a very similar situation and just today had a bad argument on that. Some friends are married and I'm not.. so a kind of pressure started building up on my I'm so free and How come i'm able to do things that they arn't and how trappy they feel. Why I'm not getting married etc. I suggested them get a little independent and go seek your adventures. Your life is what you make of it. And then all misunderstood me and it got into a really messy thing. :'(

Sometimes when things arn't working both side and effort is not from both side to understand or patch up, it's best to give it a break or let it go.

Oh I totally get that Tanuja..its really hard wen u r single amongst married friends. I feel we sometimes over rate our relationship status in friendship. I understand u were saying the right thing ..in act u were encouragin ur friends in a positive way but alas it back fired ...Happens..Thanks for sharing !

Actually marital status affects friendship much more than anything I believe. I have friends who were school mates, but we stay in touch via hangout or whatsapp. Thanks to technology. But once marital status changes, priorities change. No offense but it's better to leave them alone and not bother them much. I usually follow this principle in life.

It is rare to find friends like you who hold on to friendships so strongly. I have seen in life that are people like you who hold on to friends. They have the wealth of experiences to understand and tackle new friendships and the misunderstandings with pop up. Most often it is a silly reason or a back stab why precious friendships wither.

However when the line breaks we can't do anything Ananya. The same thing happened to me. We give so much to the friendship but they don't care a damn. I agree with your decision. There are more greater flowers in the garden of life.

This same thing has been happening with me for the last 4 years and I have slowly begun to heal myself and understand that 'Letting Go' is also a solution instead of sticking to people which quite a few of them term as clinging. As you, I truly believed in staying in friendship no matter what and deeply bonding with people i.e being there for them when they need me even at my own expense. But what had happened was, some folks I knew for many many years even since childhood started taking me for granted to the point of disrespect, a misunderstanding occurred and I tried my best to understand the overall situation and offer compassion and even a resolution but to no effect. What I got as a lesson was, each of us are at different stages in life, and to each relationships hold different meaning, some people don't take friendships as serious as we do.. and the best solution then is for our peace of mind and theirs, let them go.

Slowly with time we heal and forget the reciprocal act we thought we would be gifted with.But then again, that's life, old fades and new comes in. Believe me the new people who came in my life are way tuned to what stage of life I am in right now, and so when I miss old I remind myself God has a better plan and if if, at all, they see value in us back, they would come back. But I ain't living in unrealistic hope of them anymore.. Not that I feel liberated yet but I surely feel good about this whole thing of letting go.