Ireland Enters Turkey In Eurovision Song Contest, Idolators’ Grandparents Roll Over In Their Graves

Ireland, ancestral homeland of both of your Idolators, has decided on its entrant in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. (Eurovision being the annual extravaganza where every country on the planet, except for stuck-up isolationists the United States of America, selects a representatively kitschy pop tune to battle it out in front of a batshit huge television audience to be crowned the world’s cheesiest/best song, former winners including the illustrious Abba, Finnish Gwar jockers Lordi, and Ms. Celine Dion.) And that entrant is… a talking turkey puppet that kinda sounds like Paul Lynde shouting over Eurodisco. Yes, singing TV star Dustin The Turkey will attempt to win the votes of hundreds of millions of viewers when he takes the stage in the Serbian capital of Belgrade this May during the Eurovision finals, but those of us not up on our Irish puppetry might be asking: just who is this bird representing Ireland’s more than 4 million residents, not to mention all those expatriates around the world?

A turkey vulture with a thick north Dublin twang, he became a star of national broadcaster RTE’s The Den in 1990 alongside fellow television puppet stars Zig and Zag…

But he has always had a talent for warbling, having already released 14 singles and six albums.

His last album – Bling When You’re Minging – was released in 2005 and featured a duet with Chris De Burgh.

Ireland has had a poor Eurovision run in recent years, despite having won the contest a record seven times.

The country’s 2007 entry, Dervish, came last.

Dustin will be hoping to change all that in Belgrade.

Wait, a Turkey recording his sixth album and giving it a terrible hip-hop referencing title punning on a then-five-year-old Robbie Williams’ album, all while scoring a guest spot from soft rock titan Chris De Burgh? Are we 100 percent sure the KLF isn’t behind this? A quick Google search for “Dustin The Turkey” + “The KLF” only turns up a blog entry praising Dustin’s win, and nearly two decades of success in his homeland suggests the bird’s the real deal. But part of me still refuses to believe that when this turkey is eventually crowned the Eurovision winner, we won’t find a reunited Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond pulling the strings. So to speak.

I hope it is Cauty and Drummond. Electronic music has been dull since they stopped.

JohnOO

Dustin is very popular in Ireland, I grew up watching him with Zig and Zag on “The Den”, a great childrens programme, in the early 1990s. his songs poke fun at a lot of the sillyness in Ireland these days. This Eurovision entry is mocking the people who take the Eurovision seriously, Ireland has won the competition 7 times, more than any other country. Some people take is veeery seriously, normally the entries are very serious affairs, and when we don’t win a lot of “big” names come out and bemoan the lack of “quality” and poor song choice. They have also started to maon about the changes to the way the winners of the contest are decided, used to be by committies, now the public can vote, this means the 4 million Irish haven’t a hope against larger populated countries, which narrows it down to a few dozen states!

JohnOO

@revmatty:
Dustin has nowt to do with the KLF, I remember Brush Shields, the fellow who taught Phil Linnot how to play bass, was behind him…no idea if he is still involved!

Cos

Yes, Dustin is huge in Eire. I only lived there a few months, but it was joyous hearing him mock the techno’ed “Hey Baby” song with his own cheesy version of “Sweet Caroline”. This sounds like its just a pisstake of the whole Eurovision thing.

Anonymous

glad to see i’m not the only one who instantly thought of the KLF. (i googled “Dustin The Turkey” + “The KLF” and ended up here btw)
from the outdated eurobeat to the JAMs-like rap & lyrics to the huge f*ck you this song represents, this has got justified & ancient written all over it!
12 points from Belgium!!

riffraff

@GrioirDoibin: hit the nail on the head “He is basically Gonzo from the “Muppet Show” if he was interested in local politics, drank heavily and was a contractor from the northside of Dublin.” couldnt think of a better description.

us up in college in DIT cant wait to see dustin in action, going to make a night of it… he’s been in our lives since most of us were 3 or 4.

when he ran for president he got more votes than one of the serious folk too.. legend stuff right there

Come on, Idolator– a little research please! Dustin is a godlike figure over here in Ireland, and is far smarter that those randy KLF dudes. He is a turkey vulture of the people. In fact, he ran for president back in 1997 (against, among others, the previous Eurovision winner Dana– not the Israeli transsexual, but the early ’70s ultra-Catholic all kinds of everything), and was a better candidate than at least 3 of the others. He has done some pretty awesome covers of “Rat Trap,” “Teenage Kicks,” and “Fairytale of New York” and is all over youtube. He is basically Gonzo from the “Muppet Show” if he was interested in local politics, drank heavily and was a contractor from the northside of Dublin.

But there is a conspiracy theory afoot, as always: there are those who believe (and I am among them) that any Irish Eurovision representative has been picked precisely because they are destined to lose: the reason being that the winning country has to host (and pay for) the whole ceremony the next year, which in the case of RTE (our version of the BBC) means that 90% of next year’s operating budget is committed to the Eurovision gala rather than original programming. No Irish contestant will ever win this again, which is a good thing for anyone who wants to see something other than cheap ten year old American sitcom repeats on TV– though if one is going to lose on purpose, far better to do it like the Iggy Pop of German schlager-glam:

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