Tuesday, May 28, 2013

John McCain Hearts Memorial Day

Yesterday, while the nation celebrated Memorial Day with barbecues, heavy drinking and American flags made in China, Senator John McCain (R-AZ) quietly sneaked into Syria from Turkey where he met with the Free Syrian Army's Supreme Military Council leader Gen. Salem Idris.

Although Sen. McCain has no authority to provide the heavy weaponry, no-fly zone or airstrikes on Assad's well-equipped regime that the rebels desire, this did not stop the old warrior from inserting himself into the conflict.

"You have to remember," said an unnamed aide, "that the Senator spent most of the Vietnam war demolishing Navy planes only to watch his comrades fight it from a hospital bed in a North Vietnamese prison camp. He loves war. He just wishes he had actually had the chance to fight in one."

That Senator McCain enjoys the concept of war is well known, as he famously stated that the United States military could stay in Iraq for "maybe a hundred years" and that "would be fine with me" while President Obama was keeping his promise to withdraw American forces.

"Okay, the Senator was a bit off on Iraq and Afghanistan," the aide continued, "what with assuring Americans that we would have an easy victory in Iraq and that withdrawal from Afghanistan would be a huge mistake, but his heart is in the right place. He loves the military, as POW/MIA families can tell you. See, he doesn't play golf, okay? He plays war, and he's pretty damn good at it. Anyway, it's just his way of making sure we will have a reason to celebrate Memorial Day for decades to come."

About Me

Kona Lowell is the author of The Solid Green Birthday & Other Fables and Don't Pet the Sharks: Advice, Observations & Snark from the Big Island, Hawaii. Also a musician, Kona's newest project is No Empty Sky, the CD titled "Empire."