You may have seen the lack of books in my recent posts.

I discussed ARCs, sure, but normally I’d have a few more book related posts (review, rant, etc) a month. And, recently, I just haven’t been really feeling talking about books. And, I haven’t really been bothered about reading much either.

And, I’ve read one book this year/month.

I cannot blame that on being busy. I cannot blame that on a slump. I haven’t read much because I feel GUILTY every time I read. I feel guilty every time that I read a book that isn’t an ARC. But I feel guilty even reading an ARC because I have a really important few months coming up where I’m going to be having a lot of exams soon and I need to be revising for those.

I feel guilty that I’m not studying, even though right now the studying should be maybe an hour extra an evening on top of homework (and the homework covers maybe 2 hours a night? so not a lot). And even though I really don’t have THAT much work to be doing,* and I’ll happily sit and watch youtube for an hour, and not feel guilty about it. Or I’ll happily sit down and write a post in the afternoon and not feel guilty. But the minute I open a book I feel guilty.

*yet

And, as well as this, I’ve lowered my Goodreads goal. And even though I raised it by only 5 (or ten???) books more than last year, it just felt so unachievable. Because, frankly, I don’t think that I’ll achieve the same amount as last year since I have so much work ahead of me. Right now I may not have masses of work, but later I will, and if I’m not reading now, there’s no way I’ll be able to catch up later.

And yes, this may seem dramatic, but I get SO stressed, SO easily and I turn into a flailing lamb and I think that right now I need to remove any potential stress from my life*, and that means not worrying about how much I’m reading, and therefore just read when I read and see how it goes from there.

*but this means books so I won’t be doing that!!

life/writing

So I got my results back from the mock exams that I did in December. I’m happy with a few, over the moon with a few, and ok with the rest and disappointed in one. But what I’m taking away from this is that now I can improve for the real exams later.

I’ve also become a lot more settled with all the drama that was going on in my friendship group. I’m no longer really friends with them, but we get still get on and things aren’t as tense and my anxiety isn’t RAGING THROUGH THE ROOF. I don’t think as deeply about the situation and now have really nice people I can rely on in school.

I went to a blogger meet up this month which was really nice.

I started writing poetry again though only until a few days ago because I can’t actually stick to anything. I might share some soon.

I’ve written NOTHING extra to my WIP and I need to get motivated to write again. Though, saying this, I may just prolong starting to write again until my exams are over (though that is a really long time).

School is actually becoming a bit overwhelming since I have lots of design work to do and need to them go in during the HOLIDAYS to do work so that I can finish by the deadline since I’ve overloaded myself with work.

Saying that I’m becoming a bit more organised?? I’ve got all these apps now that literally sort my life, but I haven’t been using them for very long, so we’ll see how that goes.

reading

So as you read above, I haven’t been reading much lately.

I mean, a book a month?? GREAT GOING, LU.

However, I am slowly making my way through a Gentleman’s Guide To Vice and Virtue. It’s a little slow (but not really???) and that’s kind of expected with a historical fiction???

It’s funny and witty and I love Percy and fjkgnkdfjngkfj. I wish I could read it faster, but SLUMP.

And I also received my first ever Physical ARC/finished copy of a book from the authorand I am so looking forward to reading it! I mean,,, hopefully, I read it soon??? I feel SUPER bad for not being able to read ARCs/books in a few days!! USGBDS. Why can’t I be a better reader? (ha lol… tb to that post I wrote)*

I’m also reading another ARC/finished copy from an author and I really can’t wait to read that too. BUT, AGAIN, SLUMP.

And then I’m also going to be rereading City of Bones with Ruby before we buddy read Lord Of Shadows. But we’re BOTH IN SLUMPS (kind of??) so. . . soon-ish? No promises!!

*I’m so great at self-promo don’t even lie.

What’s been going on with you guys lately? What are you reading? Have you been writing anything lately? Any projects/wips that you’re working on? Let me know!

I miss you so much; i can just imagine you flailing whilst writing this post. Also, don’t worry about feeling guilty: you don’t have an obligation to read right now and you shouldn’t be adding to your stress with the guilt xx

I relate quite a bit with the reading guilt. I think it all has to do with some activities (ie blogging, reading, school work) taking more effort than others (ie listening to music, watching youtube). You have to focus your brain power on the high energy tasks that are most needed at the time, but you still need down time.

Girl, not to take away from you or anything, but I got way too confident with my Goodreads goal which caused my slump and then I tried to treat it by binge-watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine whICH TURNED MY SLUMP INTO A BIG OL’ SLUMP OF COAL FROM SANTA ahem sorry I got way too overwhelmed just now. Everything’s all slump-y. ANYWAY. I hope you figure everything out! You should also be proud that you’re reading The Gentleman’s Guide because I can tell everyone now that it’s going to be sitting on my tbr pile just to be purged in the next year or so. Good luck!!!

Ah, Lu I’m so sorry for all the turmoil. Hopefully, you can find some more peace and rest next month. I’m sorry about the stressful friends & all the stress of exams and work.
Writing and reading are so wonderful, but then they get so anxious. Like, if you don’t write, there’s all this guilt? ANd this isn’t about feeling guilty – it’s about telling your story.
So, just remember, your story is still going to happen. Whether it’s written now, or next month, or the next decade. You still have the words. 💕
Saying all that, I do hope you’re able to write and read more next month. Just don’t feel guilty about lowering goals and word counts. Because those things are just numbers! They aren’t your story. 💕

Oh boo, Lu! You shouldn’t let the guilt get to you! We all have LIVES, you know?! You’re allowed to LIVE. Studying equals working on your future and that’s important. Yes, more important than books because we need money to buy those so you need to STUDY to get there! Motivation, whoop. [Okay, maybe this isn’t really all that motivating but..]

You simply shouldn’t feel guilty. We’re human; we can only juggle so many things before we break and you have to be careful not to overdo it. Don’t feel like reading? THEN DON’T. I always keep in mind that if I don’t feel like it and start reading anyway, I’m already more likely to think less of a book because.. well.. my mood has its influence as well? [How’s that for a reason to stop forcing yourself to read.]

Glad to hear things are better with your friends – or at least doable. And so sorry you were disappointed in one of your mock exams! But like you said, now you know what to improve and work harder on. Good luck, girl!

Hey, I also get very stressed really easily so.. high five?? Hmm. Also, there is nothing like a good buddy read to get you out of a slump! I hope things improve stress-wise and slump-wise for you soon ❤ ❤

OH Lu, lu my love take your time with reading okay, don’t stress yourself out too much, you don’t need nor deserve to have all of this stress in your life. It’s okay, it’s good to lower your challenge so that it manages to fit what you can actually do and read in this time. YOU CAN DO THIS, I’m with you! ❤ You will beat that slump and be fabulous. Wait. You already are 😉 ❤

I LITERALLY JUST LOWERED MY GR GOAL FROM 150 books to 150 AND I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER and less stressed already? SO LIKE, you are a great influence Lu!! I hope you feel less overwhelmed soon, good luck for any upcoming exams but don’t let grades get you down and keep motivated with writing AND SHARE IT WITH ME.