Manchester United Sign Paraplegic

Manchester United have stunned the football world by signing a paraplegic to replace Ronaldo and Carlos Tevez. John Cole has been signed, subject to a stringent medical, and is expected to join pre season training in Skegness.

Sir Alex Whinger, long serving manager, denied that the club was cutting back on extravagance. "Look, Coley is a class player. Okay, it's been a few years since he scored a goal, but he has experience and I always say that you can't put a price on experience. That's why I paid £2million for him."

Cole has moved from Newcastle to Manchester United, echoing the move of another Cole, Andy Cole, some years before. The key difference is that this time Newcastle supporters are laughing rather than crying. It will be intersting to see if tactics will change at Manchester United. Ronaldo loved to run behind the opposition. If Cole is to do the same Sir Alex will need even more time added on at the end of the match. About a month should do the trick.

Make Earl Grey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

BAINBRIDGE ISLAND, WA -- Bainbridge Island, Washington, has outlawed cheese.
At least, during the upcoming NFC Championship game that pits the Seattle Seahawks against the Green Bay Packers.
And it's not only cheese per se that's banned, but al...

Bill Nigh, the Science Guy, a die-hard Indianapolis Dolts fan, hypothesizes that the explanation of the New England Playoffs coach, Bill Bellyache, that global warming is the cause of his team's under-inflated balls is "dubious at best."
Climate...

Cooperstown, NYIn breaking news, Pete Rose and Mark McGuire, former baseball players, have grabbed baseball commissioner Bud Selig and taken him here to Cooperstown, in an attempt to get themselves put into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Rose of course,...

The New England Patriots have been wrongfully accused of trying to cheat the team reports.
In what has ridiculously been dubbed "Deflate gate" the team has been accused of deflating the footballs after referee inspections to make them easier to...

Zürich, Switzerland - Busy soccer fans can now extend their hectic days with a new World Cup innovation from FIFA. Called My Time™, the futbol souvenir puts the power of soccer scheduling into the hands of ordinary spectators.
Delivered wit...

NFL spokesman Roger Allovem says he's tired of the mamby-pamby wannabe tough guiys whose claim to fame is beating up little women who weigh less than 120 pounds.
From now on, Allovem says the NFL won't be looking to the NCAA Division I teams as...

Wilfred "Willie" Makett, star shortstop and fan favorite of the Detroit Tigers broke his right leg last night in a freak accident at his home during the All-Star break and will be sidelined for the balance of the season. He told hospital personnel th...

Wassilly, Alaska In an attempt to redeem her family's honor after their recent drunken brawl, former Alaska governor and Republican Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced today that she will sponsor a new sports contest called the Hillbill...