Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Dreaming with Mom!

The first ingredient in conversation
is truth;

the next, good sense;

the third, good humour;

and the fourth, wit.

Sir William Temple

I am sure
you all know by now that my Mom has Alzheimer’s and lives in a place that is
incredible with loving caring staff, excellent security and I have to say a real
sense of her own home. Alzheimer’s has many challenges but there is one thing that bothers me the most I think and that is wondering what
Mom will remember and how our conversations will go. I do worry when I am not
able to visit for a while because I am out of town so when I get back I make
sure I have a large chunk of time to spend and catch up. Monday was that day
after all the running around with the wedding, the move etc etc. Oh how I love
that time with Mom.

I walked
into the bright sunny room and Mom was lying in bed, it was near lunch time so
I knew we would be trying to get her up and I could spend time with her. One of
the staff who I now refer to as family asked if I would like to join the house for
lunch and she would throw an extra potato in the pot. I declined as I had just
finished a sandwich, I told you this place was just like home.

I remember my
Grandma used to cook for no one in particular but always had something simmering
on her back burner hoping someone would drop in to eat. I loved those wonderful
smells that floated around the air coming from her kitchen and my always
sitting down to a bowl of something while she watched me with a big smile
enjoying every bite. Just like home, I knew the decision to have Mom move into this place was the right one.

Back to my visit
with Mom, my mind drifts these days. I said Hi Mom wondering if she knew who I
was and always hoping she does, I think this has to be the hardest part for
family members. I remember she forgot who I was once and that was four years
ago but it still left an ache in my heart and still makes me sad to this very day.
Today however she smiled and when I started to talk about the wedding (I did
that on purpose trying to trigger her memories) she smiled a huge smile and
replied “The wedding the cows came to” that is just what I wanted to hear. We
talked a long time about the wedding where the conversation kept revolving
around the cows and how beautiful the bride was in her satiny gown. Oh this
conversation was wonderful not only had Mom remembered that day but she
remembered the event that we all needed as a family to forget the past few
years of turmoil and loss. Mom was beaming while talking about those cows
mooing through the whole ceremony. My heart was singing.

Lunch was a
bowl of delicious potato soup; Mom as usual took two spoonfuls, even with all
my coaxing she never tried anymore, she lay back down. I munched on her cookies
trying to tempt her to have one, no luck another Alzheimer’s thing is to not
eat and that is where we sit these days, it is the scary one for me. She fell
asleep for a bit. I left for a while to let her rest.

About an
hour later I came back to see if I could tempt her to eat something else but
she just wanted to sleep more. I asked if I could have a nap with her she said “Oh
yes jump in, just don’t push me out of bed” and I snuggled close to her. I gently
rested my arm over her skeletal little shoulders and we talked about cows and
gowns till one by one we both drifted off to sleep. My dreaming of days gone by
and how much love was in that room while she, well I am not at all sure,
Alzheimer’s has changed all that.

Oh my . . . tears . . . for you, for me. Overwhelmed with happy, that you snuggled up and had a nap with your mom. You will never ever forget that!

My final day with my mom was a walk we took down the hall, (me walking, she riding in the wheelchair.). We went to the room where she had her hair washed and styled each week. It was something my mother always did during her more vital days, have her hair done. So as her senility began to rob more and more of her, it was the one thing we kept doing each week.

On this last day together, I brushed and fiddled with her hair, touched her scalp, rubbed her shoulders, listened to her sounds of how much she was enjoying the pampering . . . We walked the halls back to her room, tucked in for the night and I went to my home.

I received a call a few hours later . . . to learn she had died in her sleep. It brings my tears to write this and a joy that we shared that final pampering time together.

Your writing always seems to trigger moments from my past. I love that about you, and your stories.

i love potato soup. so warming to the soul. i think you can always learn something from someone with Alzheimer's ... i worked for several folks who had it ... they had a great sense of humor, & taught me tons. ( :

Special Mom hugs today. I baked pumpkin spice cookies for my mom today while she made me a sandwich. Nothing special but so special for an 89 year old mom and her 66 year old daughter. Linda@Wetcreek Blog

This reminds me a little bit of the children's book...I'll love you forever,I'll like you for always,As long as you're livingMy baby you'll be!Have you read it?Some things will never change, even though age and Alzheimer's take their toll, you and your mom have that special bond.

Thank you for sharing the story of your visit with your precious mother. I think remembering the wedding as the one with the cows is beautiful. And I know--I just know--that no matter what else she may remember, she feels your love.

As you know we moved Linda's mom out here and we know she's well cared for. The visits are never easy, as we know how things progress. A secure wing is reassuring for sure. For Linda the more difficult moments are when Mom has the rare moments of clarity. It may seem cruel to think this way to some. However, when Mom's mind is in her unique place... it seems right. There is no missing this or that. She lives in the moment.

What a beautiful post. My mother had dementia, when my children were young and I remember visits with 3rd child in my arms and she would look at the baby and ask me : Lois Anne, does your father know about that baby? Which was both sad, because she forgot that I was married and a mother, but happy and funny because she remembered my name. :) I have a lot of bittersweet and comical memories. Your mother sounds as though she has a wonderful place to live.

So very very sad. My grandmother is 100 years old and in the nursing home. The last time she knew me was summer of 2013. Until the last few months I could at least carry on a conversation with her even though she had no idea who I was. Now, she just talks out of her head, is so confused, no conversation at all. Breaks my heart. I miss my Grandma. Hugs my friend.

It really is the little things that matter so much, isn't it, B?Your mom may not have known you right away, but she remembered the wedding--and the cows, because that's what made the day so special for everyone, including her.I know you treasure each visit, and each smile, and each time you get to say, "I love you, Mom," and she hears it. She always will. Sweet dreams to both of you.

Oh Buttons, it hurts in my heart to read about your Mom. I know what it is like to wonder if she will know you when you visit. It is good that she remembered the wedding with the cows. It is so very hard for the loved ones with Alzheimers. Sending you some hugs. Another post I missed this week. Darn Blogspot!

Friends with a sense of humour and loving patience.

My name is Grace but my friends call me Buttons.

Hello my name is Grace but my friends call me Buttons. I am a farmer in Ontario Canada. I am also a blogger, writer, an amateur photographer and a dreamer. I write to share my life of being a farm woman and what I do and think. Life is always busy. Farm women everywhere work right along with their husbands and run farms on their own they are not only cooking in the kitchen.Juggling everything at once is a skill they need to have. Welcome.