Queer Women!

Just a thread to see if there are any other LGBTQ free thinking women on here! My soon to be former partner's theism has ripped us apart. There is nothing I'd love more than connect with other lady lovin' ladies who are non theists.

I'm pansexual (still kinda questioning).I'm sorry to hear about your relationship.I have a crush on someone who is a theist,but she supports the LGBT community.She's not a supporter in the closet,she wasn't afraid to say she support the LGBT community.But she's straight unfornunately,at least that's what everybody thinks,I really don't know.I hope she accepts me if I ask her out.

Hi Tierra, for my own education- how do you describe being "pansexual?" Im just curious. I've always considered myself totally heterosexual. Met up with a lesbian once to see if I had any feelings whatsoever in being sexual with her....it was awkward. Very awkward. We stayed friends. But I'm at this point totally jaded and hurt by men...maybe trying it with a girl is what I need. I don't feel sexually attracted to women. I can't imagine feeling turned on by one but maybe....I'm missing out, lol...I don't know. So just curious...

You didn't ask me, Belle Rose, but for the most part being pansexual - from what I understand - is being attracted to people regardless of gender - meaning, cisgender men and women, as well as those who are gender non conforming, transgender, queer, etc etc.

(I'm a lesbian, so pansexual people please correct me if any of that is off to your experience)

The reason I am answering, though is that the WORST thing you can do is to "experiment" with women who are actually queer because you're fed up with men. Orientation is pretty much fixed. If you think you're straight and your one encounter with a woman didn't change that, it's likely you are. Just be upfront about your intentions should you dip into the community again, though, because lots of LGBTQ women have been hurt by experimenting straight girls. It's a pet peeve of mine, personally, sorry. Just not a cool thing to do, really.

Because those of us who are ACTUALLY LGBTQ are looking for ACTUAL relationships. Our lives are hard enough. We have fought for equal civil rights and we still aren't there. The last thing we want is for some straight girl to wander in, pretend she's interested, use us to sow her wild oats, then go back to her life of straight privilege, leaving a trail of broken hearts in her midst.

No one wants to be used as someone's experiment, period, in any aspect of life. This is an especially egregious violation, though, because straight relationships and straight people are validated in society in a way LGBTQ ones never have been, and likely won't be in our lifetimes.

Basically, what it sounds like you want to do is to use a marginalized community like a tourist stop, and then when it dawns on you that it's not really your thing, or that the going gets tough, you go back to your life of hetero privilege. Sorry to be harsh here, but I'd think it would be fairly obvious that you shouldn't be doing this.

Another thing about what you are doing that is offensive is that you completely make a mockery of how difficult it is to be truly queer in a world that doesn't value or accept you. You grew up straight, walked in the straight world. You will never be attacked physically or emotionally for simply existing. You'll never know what it's like to realize you're gay or bi or [insert queer identity here] as a scared kid, and simultaneously realize that to the rest of the world, it just isn't okay.

I don't know where you live, but here in the US, you can be fired, evicted, denied basic public services - all for being gay - in 29 states. Up that number to 34 states if you are transgender or gender non-conforming. It happens all the time. Hell, we're even locked in a battle as to whether or not transgender people - including school children - can even use public bathrooms.

These are experiences you'll never have, and will never understand. To come into our community and use us as some kind of experiment or convenience is just a real dismissal of all of that, and a true slap in the face and making a mockery of very serious inequality - all while enjoying the trappings and societal and legal privileges of being straight.

So here's another perspective, Belle. There is a common joke amongs the lesbian community that goes
Q. What does a lesbian take to her second date?
A. A U-haul
The reason it's considered amusing is that in the lesbian lifestyle, most are seeking long term relationships, as opposed to some rampant sex.

When a straight girl makes advances to a lesbian, she's not usually looking for commitment, she's 'experimenting'. It's generally considered rude to experiment with someone else's emotions.

You've both given me something to think about from a different perspective. But how is "experimenting" any different than what anyone else does? Do we not ALL experiment as teenagers? The one woman I went out with the one time, I made myself crystal clear. We stayed friends and she was cool. I really liked her. She ended up getting back with her old girlfriend and is happy as a clam.

Women are much for gender fluid than men to begin with. There's a mountain of evidence that there is no such thing as a "one size fits all lesbian"...there are women who were married and end up being with a woman later in life. There's a LOT of women who fall into that category...I simply wanted to see if I was one of them. As it turns out I am not. The end...It's not about using anybody. It's about self discovery.