Apparently Andy approached the man on Hollywood Blvd., asked to see his $1000 necklace and then bolted off with it.

No idea if he did it for attention or because he really just liked it THAT MUCH, but sending Andy Dick to a jail full of big burly bros with a thing for petite blonds for thievery is like sending me to the Cheesecake Factory for double homicide.

We can only hope male Piper Kerman hasn’t been bailed out yet and is still living the dream.

Le sigh. All-around sh*tty human being Chris Brown was just sentenced to 131 days, but due to overcrowding and confusing legal logistics, his lawyer thinks he’ll be out by Monday.

Brown pleaded guilty to violating his probation to speed up the process of being a free man who will most definitely continue to assault men and women and basically all living things.

He seems like the type to pull the wings off butterflies and dropkick newborn pandas, but judges and juries can’t be bothered with such things. Judges and juries care about what kind of sandwiches they’ll be able to eat on break and getting off work ASAP so they can go home and fall asleep to Dog the Bounty Hunter marathons. Via CNN:

“I would expect that Chris should be out of jail before the weekend’s up or before Monday,” Geragos said after the hearing. “If he isn’t out by Monday, then I would expect he’s getting special treatment. He’s got over 230 days credit on a 365 and generally the sheriff is releasing on a lot less than that.”

Brown’s probation for the 2009 beating of ex-girlfriend Rihanna was revoked after his arrest in connection to a misdemeanor assault charge out of Washington

Dream-shatterers! My vision of him being taken from behind by a man with a hairy back isn’t being realized. I haven’t felt this empty since grocery stores stopped carrying New York Seltzer and Orange Slice…

Did I say to get his temper under control? I meant to make people think he’s an imperfect person who can improve after a little counseling and yoga under palm trees.

Great publicity move, but anyone with a fraction of a brain cell knows that Chris Brown isn’t a circumstantial dickhead, he’s a no-hope toolshed full of dildos who miraculously avoids jail time by blinding people with his sh*tty imitation Usher bull honky. Continue reading “Chris Brown Headed To Rehab… For Anger”→

There’s a bit of a he said/he said situation going on, but the altercation either started because the victim photobombed Brown while he was posing with two female fans, OR Brown broke the man’s nose after he tried to jump on his tour bus.

Chris, who is still on probation for beating Rihanna senseless, faces up to 4 years in prison. From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources and the alleged victim tell TMZ … before striking the man, Chris said, “I’m not into this gay s**t, I’m into boxing.“ After Chris punched the man, the fight was taken to the ground.

Yesterday I told you about the latest barnyard rooster fight where Chris Brown and Frank Ocean went into a trance of unnatural posture and puffed-out chests over a parking space or whose wattle hangs lower.

Because possessing hash in Texas is a third-degree felony, Fiona Apple faces up to 10 years in jail after her arrest on Wednesday for having four grams on her tour bus (big surprise, the lady with the octopus on her head likes THC).

A third-degree felony in the lone star state gets you at least two years in prison and a maximum of 10, according to the penal code.

Apple was busted in Hudspeth, the same county where Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg were detained. At a concert on Friday in Houston at Bayou Music Center, she attempted to explain what happened.

When you hear “Lindsay Lohan” and “Amanda Bynes” mentioned in the same sentence, you would likely assume that one came to the other’s aid, since they’re both terrible drivers who love getting stoned and feel “misunderstood” by the public and media.

Surprisingly, Lindsay is NOT defending Amanda, quite the opposite – she thinks Amanda should be in jail.

It’s only fair since she went for violating her probation in 2010 (but only went for 14 of the 90 days due to overcrowding), right?

Cheap font on the front cover. Picture of Jerry looking just happy enough for us to know the timeline. After 1990, when we assume he first started ruining the future’s of young boys, and before his arrest in 2011.

The body will reveal little. Page one: “I like football.” Page two: “I did nothing wrong.” Page three: “I swear I did nothing wrong.” Page four: “In 1998, when I was first investigated for child abuse, I did nothing.” Page five: “I also did nothing wrong after 1998.” Pages 6-200: “There are a lot of misconceptions about me.”

All we can hope for is a title less horrifying than Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story.

MTV Best New Artist VMA winner Tyler, The Creator was arrested on December 22nd at the Roxy Theatre in Los Angeles for vandalism. Even though there’s a mugshot and police report, he’s denying the whole thing.

Tyler (real last name: Okonma) was performing with his group, Odd Future, when the situation got out of hand. Roxy employees were forced to call the police after he yelled at the sound tech and destroyed a microphone and soundboard.

His denial doesn’t surprise me, the guy may be one the biggest ignoramuses I’ve ever seen. His Twitter, the site he used to express his fake surprise at the story of his arrest, reads like Rush Limbaugh’s thought process. Here are a few gems from it…

Jodie Foster’s father, Lucius Foster, was sentenced to five years in jail on Thursday for duping 21 home buyers out of thousands of dollars in a scheme that could have landed him behind bars for much much longer.

The crime Foster, 89, committed could easily have earned him 25 years, a life sentence for someone his age. Lucky for him, he has a second chance and will likely not serve his full sentence due to overcrowding. He will be liable for a large sum of money, probably more than $150,000, the prosecutor speculated.

Hip-Hop artist Petey Pablo has been sentenced to 35 months in prison in North Carolina, the state he was born and raised in. Pablo aka Moses Barrett III plead guilty to the charges in March, for possession of a stolen firearm.

Barrett was at Raleight-Durham International Airport in NC on September 11th, 2010 when security found a semi-automatic 9 mm pistol (that was loaded) in his bag.

On top of that, authorities realized that the weapon was stolen in a home burglary in CA in 2005. He will begin his sentence in December…

One part of Outkast was arrested today in Miami and charged with one count of paraphernalia possession and three counts of controlled substance possession. 36 year old Antwan Patton aka Big Boi was booked at about 1:30 pm on a $16,000 bond, according to the Florida authorities.

The real juice here is the drugs he had on him, which were found by customs/border patrol dogs. MDMA powder (crushed ectascy) ecstasy tablets AND unprescribed viagra. Whoa. Boi likes to partyyyyy. Apparently while “rolling” with a boner. Ouch.

The contraband was found in his luggage. And his lawyer, Daniel Kane, already issued a statement on his client’s behalf:

“While Big Boi was traveling with his group and friends, a small amount of contraband was found in the collective luggage…I am confident when the entire facts are aired Big Boi will be completely exonerated.”