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You Like a Guy Who Lives Far Away. Now What?

Last month, I told you about an amazing, foot-popping first-date kiss. What I didn't tell you was that the man with whom I locked lips lives in New York City—and I do not. Normally, I'd put a check mark in the awesome-first-date-but-clearly-going-nowhere-so-move-on-pronto column, but there's something special about this guy. So I've found myself in a new and unusual situation, one where I am trying to get to know someone despite the distance. I'll admit, I'm learning as I go. But here's what I’ve figured out so far in our two-month communication—and from Google, of course.

Skip the first-date type questions. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never found questions such as “What’s your favorite movie?” to lead to any earth-shattering discoveries about someone. And I think focusing on what you don’t know about a guy will put up an even bigger barrier than the miles between you.

Instead, chat as if you’re already friends. Catch up on your day and your plans. Soon, you’ll reveal yourselves to each other in a natural way. And you’ll give each other things to follow up on during your next phone call.

Don’t put your life on hold. If you’re crazy about someone who lives far away, it might be tempting to free up your schedule for phone dates. But don’t. After all, if you don’t have a dynamic life of your own, the only thing you’ll have to fill that phone call with is awkward silence.

Find ways to engage your other senses. For example, when this man mentioned he plays guitar, he also sent me a video of a show he played with friends. He could have told me how passionate he is about playing music—but with the video, I got to see it for myself.

Be clear about your feelings. When all you have are phone conversations—when you can’t gaze at him adoringly across a table, or use your body language to show you’re into him—all you have are your words. So be clear about your intentions, expectations and thoughts about him. As silly as it sounds, I recently said the words, “I want you to know I like you” to this man, and he responded in kind. Who knows where we’ll go from here, but at least we know we’re on the same page for now.

What else can you do to get to know someone over long distance? Would you ever consider having a long-distance relationship?

Oh, and P.S. Do you think this New York City man needs a special moniker, a la Mr. Big from Sex and the City, for future reference in posts? If so, I want to hear your suggestions in the comments below!

Photos: Courtesy photo

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Jillian KramerWriter and winophile. Always says no on a first date, unless the question is pizza. Prefers buying a new wardrobe to doing laundry.