When was the last time you
heard a joke suggesting that sex invariably goes ever downhill or totally
crashes after menopause? Like yesterday? This concept was boldly reaffirmed – without
reference to reliable research – at a conference on menopause held by
the National Institutes of Health in 2005! So, if you ask your doctor
about sex after menopause, she or he will likely agree that the outlook
is gloomy. On the flip side, the golden-years myth is heavily promoted
by TV ads for erection drugs, which portray the "Cialis woman" always
blissfully ready for intercourse whenever her partner drops a pill.

Fortunately, women’s health
advocates, sexologists, and researchers vigorously question these equally
unrealistic projections for sexuality and aging – of a bleak sexual
desert or a pharmaceutical Niagara – and have identified numerous helpful
strategies for maintaining and enhancing sexuality after menopause.
Here’s a survey of some of the most common problems and strategies
to help make sex during this life phase more comfortable and rewarding.

Vaginal Dryness

By far the most common sexual
problem that women report in their post-reproductive years is dyspareunia – pain
or discomfort during or after intercourse or insertion of fingers or
sex toys into the vagina. After menopause, reduced levels of the hormones
estrogen and progesterone result in less natural lubrication that may
result in bleeding, tightening of the vaginal opening, and/or narrowing
and shortening of the vagina. All of these can make intercourse uncomfortable
or even intolerable.

Solutions: Many women and sex
therapists report the reality of the use-it-or-lose-it factor: regular
sex, either with a partner, through masturbation, or a combination of
the two, definitely helps keep vaginal tissues more supple and moist.
Extended sex play before insertion is always helpful even if discomfort
isn’t severe. Liberal use of a water soluble lubricant is often enough
to make intercourse more comfortable. Having intercourse after a long
time without it can be painful or impossible, but don’t give up. You
may need to work up to it. Over a few weeks, the vaginal opening can
be comfortably stretched using lubricants and successively larger blunt
objects such as vibrators or dildos, or a set of vaginal dilators (available
without a prescription at medical supply stores). Alternatively, daily
use of nonprescription Replens (a nonhormonal lubricant) may provide
sufficient relief. Some women turn to medical treatment and use a small
amount of low dose estrogen cream applied at the opening and inside
of the vagina. Women who have a personal plastic speculum may find looking
inside the vagina helpful to assess the normal appearance of vaginal
tissues and to monitor response to self-help or medical remedies. You
can order a speculum from the Feminist
Women’s Health Centers.

Low or Absent Sexual Desire

Many older women also report
slower response to mental or physical sexual stimulation; a longer time
to become sufficiently aroused; or, in severe cases, a total lack of
interest in or revulsion to sex. Decreased interest in sex may be temporary
or long term, but surgical removal of the ovaries (due to cancer, endometriosis,
uterine prolapse, or other reasons) can cause these changes to be sudden
and sometimes devastating. Numerous drugs, especially selective serotonin
reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), are known to cause reduced sexual interest.
On top of this, the lower systemic availability of testosterone, the
key promoter of desire in both women and men, can cause less interest
in sex.

Solutions: First, ask your
doctor to review all of your medications and discontinue any that are
not essential. For certain medications, taking a "drug holiday"
on weekends, or for a few days during a vacation, can be helpful if
your doctor approves. The SSRI citalopram (Celexa) is reported to have
a lower negative impact on desire, so switching to it may be an option.
If you have a partner, it’s important to talk about lower sexual interest
so that he or she does not feel that sexual coolness is personal. In
addition, you can use any of the suggestions in Strategies for Staying
Sexual, below.

Urinary Incontinence

Involuntary loss of urine can
occur at any age but, after the age of sixty-five, 10 percent of the
population experiences mild to severe leakage. There are different types
of incontinence, but by far the most common in women is stress or "giggle"
incontinence, in which sudden movements or vigorous activity – such
as sex – can result in leaks. Urinary leaks can be disconcerting, and
the possibility of this happening during sex can cause some women to
avoid partner sex altogether. Primary causes of urinary incontinence
include changes in bladder position after vaginal childbirth, lax pelvic
muscle tone, involuntary bladder contractions (called "overactive
bladder"), the usage of some medications, and pelvic surgery (especially
hysterectomy).

Solutions: The gold standard
of incontinence treatment is pelvic floor muscle exercises, commonly
called "Kegel exercises," after Dr. Arnold Kegel, who researched
and popularized them in the 1950s. Doing these exercises several times
a day may be all that is needed to check surprise leaks. A common myth
is that Kegels don’t work. They do, especially for mild to moderate
urine loss. And the huge plus of well toned genital muscles is the possibility
of having more intense orgasms! If doing Kegels on your own does not
improve continence, a biofeedback program can be very effective in strengthening
continence muscles and monitoring progress. (Sometimes biofeedback is
covered by insurance.) Biofeedback can be combined with bladder retraining,
which helps you hold urine comfortably for longer periods of time. In
addition, several medications are available to control overactive bladders.

Pelvic Surgery

Pelvic surgery can result in
a host of dramatic changes in sexuality. This is particularly true for
hysterectomy, especially if one or both of the ovaries are removed.
Cancer is the only absolute medical indication for surgical removal
of the uterus and/or ovaries, so if your doctor recommends hysterectomy
for any other reason, definitely seek a second opinion. Until recently,
hysterectomy was the recommended remedy for uterine fibroids, but newer
techniques are now available that preserve the uterus. (See the National Women’s
Health Network’s fibroids fact sheet.)
Sexual changes associated with hysterectomy, as with menopause in general,
may include vaginal dryness, reduced or lost sexual desire, noticeable
changes in time to orgasm, less intense orgasms, and loss of ability
to have multiple orgasms.

Solutions: See the suggestions
for alleviating vaginal dryness and loss of desire noted above and Strategies
for Staying Sexual, below.

Strategies for Staying Sexual

In addition to the techniques
suggested here, many women use a variety of self-help solutions to enhance
their interest in, and comfort during, sex. Heterosexual women and lesbians
certainly have the same problems, but lesbians may find it easier to
negotiate solutions because their partners may have similar issues.
If intercourse is painful and/or male partners don’t get erections
readily, consider taking the focus of sex off of intercourse and indulge
in the much heralded pleasures of outercourse, which includes every
sexual activity except penis-in-vagina sex. If orgasm isn’t as reliable
as before, why not make pleasure the goal of sex rather than orgasm?
Sex therapist JoAnn Loulan asserts that sex should begin with willingness
and end with pleasure, with or without orgasm in between. It’s the
brain, anyway, not the genitals, that’s the chief sex organ, so starting
there should be key to sexual enhancement. Rewarding sex can be as simple
as cuddling, trading sensual massages, sharing fantasies, genital stroking,
or watching or reading erotica alone or together. If the genitals respond
to such activities, whether or not they are touched, it’s still sex!

Many sex therapists recommend the use of filmed or written erotica to
encourage sexual interest, and erotic material is readily available
for every taste and interest. In addition, there is a wealth of sexuality
self-help material in books, magazines, and on the Internet. My personal
favorites are sexual techniques based on the ancient Asian traditions
of Tantra and Tao, which take the focus off of the genitals and use
ritual, extended sex play, and full body sexual stimulation to create
more intense sexual response. Books and workshops by Margot Anand are
particularly popular. For those with more serious disability issues,
there are several excellent books on sex and disability; you might start
with The
Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities,
Chronic Pain, and Illness.

Masturbation: Masturbation
isn’t just a crutch to use in place of partner sex. It is a self-affirming
sexual activity and is eminently useful in helping to discover different
routes to sexual pleasure. In national studies, up to 40 percent of
women report that they masturbate on a regular basis, but this incidence
may be lower for older women. Many older women may remember being discouraged
(or even punished) for masturbating as children, and may still be reluctant
to engage in this pleasurable sexual activity. Ultrasound images have
captured male and female fetuses masturbating in the uterus; these images
confirm that masturbation is an innate and entirely normal part of sex!

Safer Sex: The explicit truth
is: regardless of age, in partner sex, we are all at some risk for contracting
a sexually transmitted infection (STI), including HIV/AIDS. In fact,
one in ten people diagnosed with AIDS in the United States are over
the age of fifty (although transmission rates are much lower among lesbians
than among gay men and heterosexuals). Discuss a new partner’s sexual
history, keep condoms handy, and don’t take any risks. Outercourse,
as described above, greatly reduces the risk of STIs, without reducing
pleasure.

Websites: Countless websites
devoted to sex and aging provide information on every conceivable topic.
Long time NWHN member Betty Dodson, a very youthful eighty, is celebrating
forty years of helping women explore and enhance their sexuality. Recently,
Dodson teamed up with Carlin Ross to build a new interactive
website that provides
resources on a wide array of topics. Dodson also appears in Still Doing It:
The Intimate Lives of Women Over Sixty,
a film and book of the same title by Deirdre Fishel and Diana Holtzberg.

Women-friendly Sexuality Boutiques:
Incorporating sex toys, especially vibrators, into masturbation or partner
sex can be extremely helpful in altering sexual routines. All sexuality
boutiques have extensive online and printed catalogs to enable shopping
in the privacy of one’s own home. For a start, Babeland, Good
Vibrations, and Eve’s Garden have especially wide selections.

Sex Therapy: If these strategies
aren’t sufficient, you might consider seeing a sex therapist. One
source for a trained therapist in your area is American Association
of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists‘ website. Your therapist can help
you sort through feelings about sex and aging, issues with a partner,
or medical conditions that impact on sex, and she or he can make additional
suggestions about how to cope with other problems and can suggest additional
strategies for staying sexual.

Life Changes that Impact
Sexuality

Clearly, there are many ways
to cushion or fix the physical changes that may occur after menopause.
But truth be told, changes in relationships, as well as complex life
situations caused by diminished income, divorce, illness, or death can
be vexing and more difficult to resolve. Such changes can deprive us
of the comforts and intimacy afforded by sex in a long term relationship,
or for many women, they might provide the opportunity to explore new
sexual possibilities where rewarding sex has been lacking.

"Good sex" is different
for many people and in later years, many are happy to say goodbye to
the hormone driven sex of their youth and live with "good enough"
sex that focuses on emotional and quiet physical pleasures, which may
or may not include orgasm. The key here is to identify what is pleasurable
for you and then look at what is possible given your situation.

Traditionally, "sex" has
been defined as heterosexual intercourse, but feminists and sex educators
have successfully redefined sex to include any activity that results
in sexual pleasure. With a partner, as noted above, we always have cuddling,
petting, kissing, sharing fantasies and stories, bathing together, dancing,
even dressing up and playing games! And don’t forget about adding
sex toys to your repertoire.

For those who are single (I
like to think of it as "independent"), the possibilities for new
connections and friendships are there for the asking. Joining an interest
group is an easy way to slip into a new social current. Take a class.
If you can afford it, take a cruise. Volunteer! Visit a larger congregation.
Others in similar situations are seeking partnerships too!

If fetuses can masturbate in
the uterus, and we know that they do, then, at the most basic level,
we are sexual throughout our lives. Sexuality is a part of our humanity;
it’s why we are here today. Menopause may reduce our reproductive
hormones, but it does not rob us of our sexuality. It’s still there
to be relished, enjoyed, and, perhaps, shared.

]]>http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/25/strategies-staying-sexual-after-menopause/feed/2Straight, Single, and Sixty: The Truth About Dating After 55http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/19/straight-single-and-sixty-the-truth-about-dating-after-55/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=straight-single-and-sixty-the-truth-about-dating-after-55
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/19/straight-single-and-sixty-the-truth-about-dating-after-55/#commentsWed, 19 Aug 2009 07:00:00 +0000Successful dating and partnering over fifty-five can and does happen for both sexes - and not just for the post-graduate cheerleader and football captain.

Fernando* plunks down next to Annie at McDonalds. He’s fifty-nine. She’s seventy, but you’d never know it, he thinks. Nice body. Big breasts. Ample butt. Pretty face. Super funny and wholly confident. You’ve got to love those older women! Three dates, three long kisses, and tonight’s the night. Her place after dinner. A dark fear descends. Here we go again . . . what’s she going to think? What if I can’t keep it up? Darn heart medication: no Viagra.

Frances tingles. Twenty-five matches! She looks closer. Match.com says all those men over seventy are looking for women under fifty-five. Frances is seventy-two. For god’s sake, who are they kidding? The tingling turns to dejection.

Robert, sixty-six, waits anxiously at JFK for Alexsandra, sixty-five, arriving from Moscow. Alexsandra understands. She gets it, the agony of watching Sue Ellen die. We’ll heal together, build a new life. Lucky to find her online. He chortles. Six months of emails and hot chatting! He adjusts his trousers. Any minute now.

Dating over 55. Lots of myths. Some truths. Many stories.

Body, soul, and priorities change after fifty-five. In a youth and information-saturated culture, however, very few fifty-five-plusers are going gently into the early bird special. The resigned grandma and grandpa have leaped off the porch rocker, carted across the golf course, and now can be found in second, third, and fourth careers, seeing themselves are more youthful, refusing to give up a firm grip on life. Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra notwithstanding, people are simply healthier, wealthier, better medicated, and more energized. That means longer life, on average – with new occupations, fresh relationships, more dating, and better sex.

Better sex? Remember, this is the generation who brought us The Rolling Stones, Betty Friedan, Hair, free love, and The Joy of Sex. This generation is not going to take dating while aging lying down. It’s no surprise that this group is redefining dating and sex to fit their needs. Fernando (above) is advised by a sexologist to address his worry about erection and sustained intercourse with oral sex and mutual masturbation. Frances can overcome her rejection by skipping over Match.com and venturing to sites that better suit her desires, sites such as It’s Just Lunch and SugarDaddy.com. Or considering her abundant resources, she could choose one of the elite, opulent services, where the opening price for a match-up is $55,000.

Then there is Robert. Sadly, he’s a sixty-six-year-old victim of exploitation. There will be no Alexsandra. She will not look, or talk, like her online self. That’s because the woman he talked to was not in Russia at all. She was right here in New Jersey at a phone bank, matching up casualties like lonely Robert with frantic women in Russia, so that they can flee to the United States. Robert has paid big bucks. He will lose it all.

He is not alone. Single men over fifty-five, many of whom are lonely and afraid of erection failure as they age, are marked targets for twenty-first century snake oil barkers. Despairing and alone, they are prey to promises from “a woman in your area” who wants to meet them. Money gets sent. No one shows up.

For straight women, it comes down to logistics. Census figures say of those sixty-five years and older, approximately 60 percent are women and 40 percent men. Do the numbers. It’s not always easy to find a man.

Does that mean you are out of luck if you are over sixty and on the prowl for a decent date? Not at all.

Successful heterosexual dating and partnering over fifty-five can and does happen for both sexes. So how do they get connected? Aside from the traditional fix-ups, bars, and shared interest groups, most jump on the Internet – and they aren’t just signing on to eHarmony, Match.com, or JDate. Here are some of the best online services devoted just to “seniors,” people over fifty-five. (Note: We who are over fifty-five shudder to call it “senior dating.” No one wants to get older, let alone become a senior.)

This is just the beginning of the dating sites for older Americans. With the boomers entering the arena, there’s huge money to be made from the loneliest of the fifty-five-plus crowd. It’s a good bet that this list will multiply in the next few years as this age group is exploited.

The need for relationships and sex never ends. Some centurions are still having sex! With the right attitude, and these ingredients, dating is a winning proposition:

1. Keep your sense of humor. Have fun! Seriously, what else is there? Don’t take yourself so seriously. 2. Remember that all three legs of the stool count. The financial, the psychological, and the physical are three of the key components for a successful relationship. Score high on each, and you just may have a winner. 3. Move on if it doesn’t feel right. Don’t waste precious time. It probably doesn’t feel right to her/him, either. Your mother is still right: There are other fish in the sea, even older fish. 4. Carry condoms. This generation rebels against condoms-most were lucky enough to dodge the AIDS epidemic because of long-term relationships. But the fifty-five-plus demographic has one of the fastest growing HIV diagnoses. 5. Carry lubricant. Women’s vaginas are drier after menopause. Use lots of lube! 6. Expect intimacy, not sex. In bed, take the emphasis off intercourse and let go of orgasm-mania from your twenties and thirties. Think pleasure, not performance. 7. Always keep time for friends. They will sustain you long after the latest love interest has gone.

Laugh at the foibles! True story: Kathy, sixty-six, checked her make-up and decided she looked younger without her glasses. Off they came. Okay, ready to flirt. Date No. 4 with Glen, sixty-nine, and tonight would be their first real intimacy. Where’s the lube? She grabbed the sample in the foil packet. Off to Glen’s! Hours later…sheets move, hands wander, mouths connect, and breath comes fast. Kathy grabs the lube, rips open the packet, and lowers it under the sheets. Glen stops fondling. What’s that smell? Nail polish remover. Kathy’s note to self: Keep glasses on when finding lube.

Dating over fifty-five is alive and well in spite of the challenges, the heartbreak, and the silly happenings that come with age. The need for intimacy never ends. By the way, here’s the end of the story: Kathy and Glen are still laughing about the caustic lube, even after five years of marriage.

]]>http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/19/straight-single-and-sixty-the-truth-about-dating-after-55/feed/0Viagra Man, A Decade Laterhttp://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/07/viagra-man-a-decade-later/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=viagra-man-a-decade-later
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/07/viagra-man-a-decade-later/#commentsFri, 07 Aug 2009 08:57:11 +0000Thanks to Viagra, mankind now stands at a crossroads: either invest in that teenage erection - or in a broader, richer definition of manhood.

Editor’s Note: This is the second in a series of articles on sexuality
and aging, co-produced by the National Sexuality Resource Center and RH
Reality Check. Check back in the coming weeks for more on seniors and
sexuality. Read the first article: How Are Your Orgasms, Mom? and the second, Older, Wiser, and Sexually Smarter.

If you want to get a good sense
of where we stand as a society when it comes to aging, sexuality, and
manhood, think about those erectile dysfunction ads. They feature men
singing and dancing in the streets, others strumming "Viva Viagra"
on their guitars, and handsome straight couples in side-by-side tubs
with twinkles in their eyes. Over ten years of Pfizer advertising Viagra,
the individual ad campaigns may have changed but the themes have stayed
the same. Ideal sexuality is youthful ("18 again"), heterosexual,
penetrative, and erection-centered. Apparently, being a man, and a healthy
happy successful one, depends on these things. Thanks to Viagra, mankind
now stands at a crossroads: either invest in that teenage erection – or
in a broader, richer definition of manhood.

There was great potential here
to shift the way we, as a society, think about aging; the way we think
about elder men (and their partners!) and sex. Just imagine an ad campaign
(and a society!) that truly embraces aging, sexuality, and vulnerable
masculinity. It would feature a wide range of variation when it comes
to bodies and disabilities. Intimacy would be broadly defined, and men
would learn how to be great lovers. Men would be comfortable discussing
fears and anxieties associated with sexual performance. Viva Vulnerability!
Pfizer could still make billions. And we might all be happier and healthier,
or at least more realistic.

In fact, Pfizer came close
to shifting our ideas about aging and sexuality way back in 1999, when
Bob Dole became the company’s spokesperson for erectile dysfunction.
Here was a war veteran, an elder statesman, on TV, talking about this
sexual dysfunction problem. This was a radical thing for a lot of reasons.
It was one of the first (if not the very first) direct-to-consumer ad
for a pharmaceutical product broadcast for all Americans to see. Even
more shockingly, this was an older man talking (indirectly) about sex.
Specifically, Dole was talking about not being able to get it up,
and this occurred in the months following endless media attention to
President Clinton’s seemingly opposite problem. The social ramifications
of this ad campaign, along with the "Let the Dance Begin" campaign
that followed it (featuring white-haired individuals dancing), were
truly amazing: men of all ages going to doctors offices in droves.

My grandfather was one of these
men who asked his doctor for the pills. He was in his early eighties,
and dating, and he wanted his "manhood" back. A committed Democrat,
Gramps was nonetheless heartened to see another man around his age on
television who had a similar dilemma. He was now open to pursuing new
options for enhancing sexual intimacy. He might have benefitted from
learning about how to communicate with a partner about his concerns
and about sexuality in general.

However, what happened next
was where the so-called "Viagra revolution" stalled. Men "asked
their doctors" (generally as the doc was leaving the examining room),
but many didn’t talk with their wives. And many doctors, out of discomfort,
didn’t ask questions. Some doctors commented later that they were
disgusted by octogenarians asking for blue pills. Bob Dole became the
butt of every joke on late night television.

Meanwhile, Pfizer realized
that Viagra generally did not work for men post-prostate surgery – men
like Bob Dole and my grandfather. Now that the American public knew
about erectile dysfunction, Pfizer could now move to market the drug
to men in a wide age spectrum who were curious and anxious about sexual
performance. In short, the sexual status quo was tested, and then youthful
sexy manhood quickly took center stage again. Ageism, heterosexism,
and medicine triumphed.

From that point forward, the
Viagra man became either professional baseball or NASCAR spokesmen talking
about all-around performance, or those handsome age-ambiguous (thirty,
forty, or fifty-something?) guys with a touch of gray in their hair,
impressing their coworkers with their new confidence, caressing a lovely
younger-looking woman, jumping in the street to the tune of "We are
the Champions," singing Elvis tunes with friends, and sprouting devil-horns
while "getting back to mischief."

In the age of direct-to-consumer
pharmaceutical advertising (only legal in the United States since 1997),
drug ads proliferate, and to some degree, they reflect culture. But
they also help to construct and reinforce cultural values. Since its
debut, Viagra has been hailed as a sexual revolution for men. In reality,
I’m not sure we’ve progressed at all. A new approach to aging? Except
for middle-aged men graying at the temples, we’re back to denying
aging and elder sex, and selling medication with anti-aging branding.
A new Viagra man? I’m seeing a whole lot of confidence and bravado
in these ads. Where’s the vulnerability and insecurity we all feel,
especially after being barraged by these images? Revolutionary sex?
Straight couples and an emphasis on erectile performance – show me a
woman who thinks this is new. Now Viva vulvas…that would be something
different.

Over the last decade millions
have stepped up to the plate and swallowed the youth, vigor, and vitality
message. Who can resist? But I have also met a good number of courageous
men over the years who chose not to refill their Viagra prescriptions.
They have used the Viagra era as an opportunity to explore what manhood
and aging means to them; they talked to friends and family about these
things; and they learned how to be better lovers. It turns out they
were onto something. A study just published in the Canadian Journal
of Human Sexuality points out that among the ingredients for great sex
after sixty is vulnerability, as well as authenticity and good communication.
So maybe the revolution is still to come.

]]>http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/08/07/viagra-man-a-decade-later/feed/7How Are Your Orgasms, Mom?http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/07/13/how-are-your-orgasms-mom/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=how-are-your-orgasms-mom
http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2009/07/13/how-are-your-orgasms-mom/#commentsMon, 13 Jul 2009 07:00:00 +0000From birth to death, we are all sexual beings. We have a hard enough time acknowledging this when it comes to children, but when it comes to aging adults, the silence is deafening.

Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of articles on sexuality and aging, co-produced by the National
Sexuality Resource Center and RH Reality Check. Check back in the coming weeks for more on seniors and sexuality.

My mom turns sixty-nine this
fall, and she recently asked if I could turn my communications expertise
to a more familial project: updating her personal profile on a popular
dating site. As she gears up to meet men for Coke dates in the mall,
I geared up for how to have "the talk" that I never got from her.
How do I cover the basics, like condom use and STI prevention that I
wished I’d heard from her as a teen-and how do I cover topics like
vaginal dryness, communication, and pleasure (topics I would have liked,
but maybe not from mom)? I wish to be as bold as masturbation guru Betty
Dodson, who, the story goes, once asked her mother, How are your
orgasms?

From birth to death, we are
all sexual beings. We have a hard enough time acknowledging this when
it comes to children, but when it comes to aging adults, the silence
is deafening. And deadly: 60 percent of unmarried women ages fifty-eight
to ninety-three report that they didn’t use a condom the last time they
had sex, and the CDC reports that 15 percent of new HIV cases are among
people over fifty. The number of adults sixty-five and older will reach
seventy-two million by 2030-and, according to current statistics,
about 46 percent of them won’t be married; 7 to 10 percent will identify
as LGBT. That’s a lot of people. More importantly, that’s a lot
of people having sex: Stacey Lindau’s groundbreaking research on sexuality
and aging showed that 53 percent of those aged sixty-five to seventy-four
are sexually active. My mom is going to have a lot of Coke dates.

Scary statistics aside, sexuality
has a lot more to offer elders than risk: healthy sexuality contributes
to quality of life, and aging adults can see real health benefits from
sexual enjoyment – whether that happens alone or with a partner. Regular
sex is believed to stimulate the immune system, lower stress, and improve
sleep. According to a Scottish study, folks having regular sex look
seven to twelve years younger than their peers. And it’s a lot cheaper
(with less recovery time) than plastic surgery or Botox.

Aging adults also have special
needs when it comes to sexuality. Erection concerns and vaginal dryness
are common among elders, and a penetration-focused sexual discourse
leaves many potential avenues for sexual fulfillment unexplored. Assisted
living facilities are not always supportive of sexual expression amongst
residents. Dementia, as well as cognitive and physical impairment, can
pose real barriers to issues such as consent, healthy decision-making,
and sexual desire. Stigma and shame from family, caregivers and doctors,
who get "grossed out" by the idea of older adults having sex, leave
the concerns of aging adults invisible and untended. Separation and
death of a partner leave boomer-plus adults willing – but ill-prepared – to
enter a new world of dating and relationships. LGBT elders face special
concerns of isolation and oppression as they grow older. For all these
reasons, aging adults are left with few resources, little information,
and a paucity of supportive healthcare.

As part of our mission to promote
lifelong healthy sexuality, the National
Sexuality Resource Center
has made sexuality and aging a priority issue: We are currently conducting
an assessment of the sexuality needs of aging adults in assisted living
facilities, leading presentations on sexuality and aging at national
conferences including AARP, and working to include the special concerns
of LGBT elders in sexuality dialogues.

Over the next weeks the National
Sexuality Resource Center will co-produce a series on sexuality and
aging, in partnership with RH Reality Check. In our efforts to promote
positive, healthy sexuality – not just disease prevention or risk avoidance – you
will find articles that discuss sexuality in all its complexity. Relationship
coach Katherine
Forsythe covers
singles, dating, and relationship issues; Clitoral
Truth author Rebecca
Chalker offers sexual health tips. Lara Riscol will take a look at the
problems posed by Alzheimer’s and sexuality, and sexuality pioneer
Peggy Brick will introduce her groundbreaking work on sex education
for elders. To finish things off, Meika Loe takes a look at how Viagra
puts extra pressure on men’s sexual performance.

On his ninety-fifth birthday,
Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes saw an attractive woman
and mused, "Oh, to be seventy again." Our potential for healthy
sexuality extends as far as our lifespan; we all deserve the information,
resources, and support to fully live up to our potential. Not to mention
a few, good, healthy orgasms.

]]>A recent study conducted by researchers at England’s West Midlands Health Protection Agency found that STD rates are up among all age groups, but the news that the rate had increased among older adults (over 45) soon hit headlines. Journalists and readers seemed shocked to learn that older adults are sexually active at all. Speculation over the "cause" of the increase runs rampant, from blaming Viagra to the options afforded older adults after divorce through online dating. The surprise, and confusion, greeting the news about STD rate increases for older adults points to our inability to comprehend news about the aged unrelated to their decline or dysfunction. And it stands as a reminder that we need to examine our attitude towards sexuality at any age.

"The headline really should have been that older people are having sex," says Ann Whidden, MPH, Communications and Internet Director at theNational Sexuality Resource Center (NSPRC). "We think of sex education as being for teens and a one time thing instead of providing the tools that will lead to lifelong sexual literacy." NSRC’s mission is to promote sexual health, wellness and pleasure across the entire lifespan, and has been working with the American Association of Retired People since 2007 on the inclusion of sexual literacy and LGBT people within their work. NSRC will also be launching a Sexuality and Seniors Advisory Networklater this year. Whidden points out that most sexuality education has been youth centered and prevention focused, the result being that the needs and desires of adults in mid and later life are often ignored.

NSRC incorporates the goal of sexual literacy into all of their work, including their dialogue with AARP and older adults. Face to face meetings with the CEO, California State AARP and the Washington DC based AARP Office of Diversity and Inclusion took place in 2007 and 2008. NSRC staff member Joy O’Donnell was appointed as an AARP CA Advisor on Disability Rights for sexuality, public education and training campaigns. In October of 2007, California AARP attended the NSRC Champions of Sexual Literacy Awards Celebration and acted as a primary organizational sponsor for the dinner.

NSRC’s Sexuality and Seniors Advisory Network will be madeup of experts on the subject from community based organizations, professional associations, medical hospitals and academic institutions throughout the United States. NSRC will serve as a national clearinghouse and central training center for all of their work, which will create an unprecedented and comprehensive resource for families of seniors, professionals who serve seniors and seniors themselves. NSRC will simultaneously be launching sexuality and gender, race, health and faith based advisory networks which will further inform, intersect and enrich the body of information they provide around seniors and sexuality.

Our lack of sexual literacy has an impact whether we are teens or midlife to older adults. NSRC isworking to establish dialogues that will break down shame, open up communication and change how people view sexuality and aging. Through efforts like those of NSRC, people will have the tools to establish positive communication about their sexuality and the resources to empower healthy sexuality throughout their lives.