Patty Love

If there’s one thing that unites us in our increasingly fragmentary world, it’s our love for patties on buns. But ah, not so fast. Because within this shared taste, there is, in fact, endless debate — as our recent, calorie-packing survey of the vast and varied offerings in this burger-mad city turned up. The important differences (grass-fed vs. corn-fed, dive burgers vs. boutique burgers, nationalist vs. global) may never be reconciled, and quite frankly we don’t ever want them to be. It’s those timely and peaceable conversations that are driving a vital and increasingly delicious sub-scene.

HAUTE BEEF

When a dive just won’t do, turn to one of these burger-honoring spots for something memorably indulgent

You’d expect the burger at this charming, high-vaulted property — a one-time department store, now a stylish boutique hotel — to be equally stunning. And you’d be right. From the crispy bacon to the sweet onion jam to the slathering of black pepper aioli, this is a burger fit for a knife and fork. Fortunately, you can just pick it up and chow. It’s one of our haute patty picks.

At a glance, what could be simpler? A patty topped with cheddar and bacon. No frills, nothing fancy. But one bite and you’ll understand why the kitchen exercises such restraint. The meat is Wagyu, intensely marbled and robust of flavor, and cooked to retain its juices. Leave the adornments to the boats in the river below.

The name Barnyard Burger connotes rusticity, not luxury, but this tour de force is as earthy as it is ethereal. Filet mignon is ground into a patty, then topped with aged Vermont cheddar, thick-cut bacon, and a sunny-side-up egg. But wait, there’s more — a finishing application of foie gras emulsion, made with brandy and cream, to make you forget all about ketchup and mustard, possibly forever.

The standard burger — a juice-dripping specimen made with dry-aged beef from owners Jason and Amanda Lucy’s family farm in Westmoreland County — is good enough to earn a spot on this list, but on Wednesday nights the Lucy’s go a step further with their “secret” burger menu. Toppings include fried green tomatoes, “10,000 island dressing,” and sourdough buns from Idle Hands Bakery.

BURGER BARGAINS

A cheap burger doesn’t have to be cheap-tasting. Below, four of the most delicious values in RVA.

When that craving comes for an old-fashioned roadside burger cooked on a flattop griddle, this lovable Lakeside throwback — replete with View-Masters and baskets of bubblegum — is your place. At under $4, the prices are wonderfully throwback, too.

A recent arrival on the scene, Beauvine slings a boutique burger — fashioned from Pineland Farms beef and tucked into soft, rich brioche buns from Flour Garden — at below-market cost; the most expensive, the Steak Frites, with cabernet onions and bearnaise, comes in at $10. Order up a side of duck fat fries and go all-in on indulgence.

A 1/2-pound, grass-fed burger for $9? At this Carytown outlet of a small Virginia chain, that’s not the only discovery to be made. The other is that that burger is deliciously rich and juicy, whether exuberantly festooned or simply adorned.

A walk-up with picnic tables in back, Roy’s Big Burger in Lakeside is beloved home to the triple-meat burger — three thin patties on a soft bun with shredded lettuce and tomato. More than a burger, it’s a taste of nostalgia — the realization that, as you chomp and the juices run down your hand, you’re eating something that hasn’t changed a lick in 60 years.

The Sidewalk Café has been slinging food for second-shifters since it opened almost 30 years ago in The Fan. The enduring appeal? Burgers as dependable as death and taxes — hot, greasy and guiltily satisfying.

Dot’s Back Inn, in North Side, has — count ’em — 25 burger options. Even more impressive: none costs more than $9. Go wild with the combinations if you must, but it’s nice to know that even the simplest version is rewarding, thanks to a reliable hand with the seasoning and a griddled wheat bun.