Tired of being perfect

Yip, I am beyond tired of trying to be perfect, and pretend (delude myself) like I have it all together . Gosh, I’m even tired of really happy optimistic people telling me that ; “You can do it , You must do it , just stretch your capacity , and do it and then fly on a unicorn and touch the clouds!” Frankly , this is my capacity, and no I can’t stretch anymore, I might just die if I do anymore “stretching.” I mean my tired even feels tired, and that’s a lot of tired feels you guys! Anyone else feel like this?

We’re all expected to ‘keep on keeping on.’ We must meet crazy unrealistic demands and expectations. Be an awesome mom, like Martha Stewart kind of awesome, we must be entrepreneurs , we must grocery shop, meal plan, make delicious healthy meals, stay fit, then we must make sure that our children are semi functional and sane, plus let’s not forget be a doting wife who can’t keep her hands off her husband, plus be a good friend to the entire world. PHEW! AM I RIGHT? Basically , I think that I am ready to retire…no but really…who is with me?

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

And yes, I place most of these unrealistic expectations on myself. Sometimes, I fail myself by comparing myself to somebody else and how great their “capacity” is. Yes, you heard right. I sometimes find myself saying things like “But if she can do it, and do it well, then surely I can too, but why can’t I find the energy or the time to do so?”

I immediately feel this sense of disappointment in myself, like I am failing . Failing at balancing everything. I want to do it all, but the season of life that I am in can’t really allow (cater) for it. It’s a frustrating head space to be in, on one hand I know it’s ridiculous and I am overcomplicating things, but on the other hand I feel this urge or need to be on top of it, and have it all together.

COMPARISON IS DANGEROUS

I went for coffee with a friend awhile back, and I was basically opening up about a season that I am in at the moment. I told her that as difficult as it is for me, I know I need to learn to be okay with doing less, so that I can do the less well, and with better quality. I then went on to say how frustrated I was feeling because I felt like I was failing compared to other women who seem to do it all. She immediately looked at me, and stopped me dead in my tracks with this statement :

” Stop , that right now. Comparison is a downward spiral. Don’t even go there !”

She then went on to say ; ” Everyone’s personal capacity , and lifestyle is different from the next. Whose to say that what you’re carrying isn’t as of a heavier load to carry to that of the next person. What has God called you to carry in this season right now? Do that well. Keep it simple, and do what God has called you to do. End of story!” (hashtag- mind explosion, drops the mic and walks away)

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT

After that conversation I felt this weight fall off my shoulders. When my friend spoke so honestly and bluntly , I had a few mini mind blowing revelations afterwards , those revelations being:

It’s okay to not always be okay.

Seasons change, and how we embrace and carry each season is different to the next.

Focus on what is in your hands currently and do it well.

Less is more.

Take the pressure off of yourself.

Feed your soul.

You do not need to please everyone, therefore always note and know your heart motives.

Your story is constantly unfolding, therefore stay to true to it by staying true to yourself.

It sounds so simple , yet we tend to make those things so complicated when it comes to applying them personally within our lifestyles. I know for me personally the above revelations weren’t easy for me to digest, and accept. Because, I like to be in control, and have it all together. But like I have mentioned before in previous posts, my mental health has not been that great this year. Although my mental health is improving, and I am starting to feel like my old self again, there are days where I have to take the pressure off of myself and be realistic when it comes to balancing family, lifestyle, and health.

Which means I need wisdom when it comes to creating realistic boundaries that caters and allows for that wise balance. That also means that I too need to be okay with the process, and embrace each and every day for what it is, and for what it could be. Since taking the pressure off of myself and dismissing the “I must be perfect” delusion, I feel so relaxed, at peace and I am finally enjoying this new season. It’s like a total breath of fresh air.

So, the next time you start to feel like you’re dropping the ball and failing at life, just take the pressure off of yourself and remember that no one expects you to be “perfect”, just be real, be authentic, just be you – flaws and all <3

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About The Author

Cass Ferguson

Cass Ferguson is a freelance writer for online content, and she is the visionary and creative director behind Leather Jacket Foxes.
Cass also runs her own drama school for little people called React Drama!
She absolutely loves and adores her husband and son, and is a lover of chocolate and all things series!

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10 Comments

Lauren
October 5, 2016
at
6:44 am

Well said Cass! I needed to read this – as a working mom I completely agree with each word written in your post! Thank you – i will take this and make a change.
Have a super blessed day and may you live by these words each day – “smile and wave” i always say 🙂

I feel like we are going through the same phase. It’s like I wrote this. Mine would just have poor grammar and spelling but same thoughts 🙂

I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed with the pressure of being perfect and then not actually being perfect. Especially with this whole Ben hyperactive school fiasco. I spent all last week going over every parenting decision I’ve made. He eats too much sweets, not enough healthy organic food. He watches too much TV. I don’t spent enough time with him doing educational play. We don’t discipline correctly. LIST GOES ON.

So I went to the store and bought a Healthy eating for kids cookbook because from now on my kid will only be eating preservative free, healthy homecooked snacks and meals. I got home flipped through my new purchase and cried because where the hell am I suppose to get the time to make homemade sugarfree oatcookies. And why cant I just buy the once at Woolies…

I relate to this post so much, Cass! I feel like 2015 was the year that I dealt with so much of what you’ve written here – I was simply taking on too much, and I was really struggling with depression. I felt like I wasn’t being a good mom, a good wife, a good friend… and I had way too much going on work-wise. The beginning of this year wasn’t much different… it really wasn’t until July when I had a really bad patch of depression and literally could not get out of bed in the mornings (or afternoons) that I finally started to look for the help I needed. Now I finally seem to be on the right anti-depressants, and a few of my clients have taken their social media in-house, and I haven’t replaced these clients as I’ve lost them. It means that we’ve had to tighten our belts quite a bit (no more grocery shopping at Woolies, and far less eating out) but I feel like it’s so worth it. These school holidays I’ve actually managed to take the mornings off to spend some time with Bean and take him to the beach, and I can actually handle my workload without working until the all hours. The relief of not having to deal with so much guilt and all the pressure I’ve been putting on myself is amazing! Anyway – long story short – I know what you’re going through, and I’m so glad that you’ve come to these realisations. I hope the journey will only get smoother from here on out – sending you love! xx

Eish, the parenting roller coaster – am I right? Gosh, one day at a time, or otherwise we will go insane. Or maybe it’s too late for me -crossed the crazy town bridge – Ha! We put so much pressure on ourselves to be the “best moms” when actually who we are is enough and just right for our little people <3 <3 <3

Great post, Cass! I think all mothers (parents) feel like this at one point. For me, its less about trying to be perfect and more like just trying to stay on top of the massive wave that life brings in…and some days (weeks) it feels like its just not humanly possible to do it all or manage all that comes at you at once…and yet it must be done!! Like HOW even? I know the pendulum will swing back soon, then I’ll rock those day and cherish them. But right now I am literally in that impossible space now…and in super survival mode… Heres to just winging it…