Tuesday, September 4, 2012

aaaaahhhhhh frustration.

To go or not to go Right now! I'm being faced with the hard diction to leave Sweden with Savannah for a trip back to California. Ricky cant join us and I wish he could more than anything. but I NEED IT... so bad I really really do I need to get the f out of here. But should I??? Is it the right time am I wasting time and money if I go now? I feel like Im in a jail cell when I'm home and stuck in this apartment, the guards are watching me everyday! That's just how I feel regardless. Always sad always crying is not a good thing to show my daughter, No body see in side these walls, Nobody see How deeply sad i am all the time. I don't want this anymore. I want her to see a strong Independent women in me, Not a sad depressed mother who Has given up on herself and happiness. I Have little power left but with that ounce I need to try to make myself better for her! and if that means going maybe I need to go. I