Health update: When life throws you curve balls.

If I’m honest, I’ve been kind of hiding myself away worrying about my visit to the Dr. yesterday, to get my test results.

So I thought it was about time to let you gorgeous lot know what’s been going on with me, and this crazy head of mine…

2014 was going ticking along nicely, I was floating through the year without a care in the world – until I banged my head.

Yep. All I did was bang my head on a clothes rail, while at work one afternoon.

Well, said clothes rail was actually full of clothes at the time…and my head managed to dismantle it.

Ouch – was all I said I promise 😉

Yes, I was rushing, trying to do more than was humanly possible.

Deep-down though, I just knew I had hurt myself.

I think you can tell.

I didn’t pass-out. I felt weird.

A bit dizzy and light-headed. You know, sort of spaced-out.

Adrenaline keeps us going though.

I had to cash-up, I was the only manager in the store and I was responsible.

So I just ignored what I was feeling and carried on. Pretending I was ok.

Hind-sight, is such as wonderful thing. But I’m just not one of those people that makes a fuss.

I come from the ‘honestly, I’m fine’ camp – when deep-down, I instantly know I’m not.

I drove home – not quite sure how I managed, looking back. But I did, I guess it was because I kept telling myself ‘I was fine’.

As soon as I walked through the door, Jonny instantly knew I wasn’t right.

I felt sick – I wasn’t hungry and I was very pale. The biggest giveaway though? I was quiet.

I am NEVER quiet. I always have something to say.

My first thought at the end of any day though, is to find out if my people are ok?

Had Jonny had a good day.

Is he stressed about anything.

Have we spoken to Beckie.

Is all ok in her world.

Is my Dad ok.

Was Lulabelle (the dog) happy when Jonny arrived home…blah blah blah – you know the drill.

Me? Don’t come into the equation. As long as everyone is ok – that’s all I care about.

I’m a shocker at looking after myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I moan about what kind of day I’ve had, all the time. But if it comes to my health – I just carry on and don’t make a fuss.

So I genuinely thought that after a good night sleep, magically, I’d be back to normal.

But by the time I got to work (yes, I drove again) I felt awful.

I was dizzy, I vomited and my head felt like it had been run over by a truck.

Not a good combination really.

It was obvious something was wrong.

Eventually after much persuasion I agreed to call the doctor – who thankfully got me straight in.

After speaking to her for all of 5 minutes I was booked in for an emergency CT scan.

She was talking possible fractures and brain bleeds. My eyes were not responding to the tests.

She was worried.

At this point, I realised it was time to pay attention.

My first thought: what about work? We were short-staffed.

I know bloody ridiculous eh! It’s just a frock shop.

The CT scan revealed that I had a nasty concussion. My brain had hit my skull with enough force to bruise this much-needed organ.

I was gob-smacked.

The Dr. signed me straight off work for the week and told me to rest.

She took the decision away from me – I think she knew she had to be forceful.

The worst thing besides the headaches?

Short term memory loss.

This continued for the next three months. It was awful. Annoying and extremely embarrassing.

Yes, embarrassing. I could not remember the simply things. Like what I was doing next.

It was so incredibly frustrating.

Looking back, what did I learn?

I shouldn’t have rushed back to work. I wasn’t well enough. I went back just because they needed me, not because I was ready.

The Dr. also told me that head injuries can take up to a year to improve – of course, as soon as my memory came back, I assumed I was back to normal.

Wrong again Bev.

Early December the migraines started.

I’ve always suffered from migraines. Maybe one every 8 months or so, if I was unlucky.

But straight after the accident they started to appear more often.

Every migraine felt worse than the previous, they started knocking me for six.

I still went to work, through every one of them.

Some days I was fine, but I could feel something building. I was trying to ignore it though.

My 3 regular days off fell between Christmas and New Year. I was so excited to have 3 WHOLE days with my loves.

But, instead of kicking-back and relaxing the migraines started.

It’s like my body had stopped and my head needed to release the pre-Christmas retail pressure.

I had what I thought to be 5 migraines in 7 days…it turned out to be one huge migraine. I just wasn’t taking anything strong enough to cure them. It turned into a snowball effect.

One morning I was lying in bed (checking my IG feed) when my vision started to multiply. I saw the time on my phone it was 7:42, a few seconds later my vision went completely. I could see nothing. Just white.

I instantly burst into tears…my first thought?

I would never see Beckie’s face again. I wouldn’t never see her graduate. See her marry, meet my grand children.

At 7:45 my sight came back as if nothing had happened.

First thought?

Brain tumour.

Stroke.

I immediately consulted Dr Google. His prognosis wasn’t brilliant.

My mind was spiralling out of control.

Fast forward to seeing my own Dr.

Her first thought:

Stroke. Holy Shit…maybe Dr Google was right after all.

But I’m still young. How can I have a stroke? I’m healthy?

I was beside myself when she was testing my reflexes. I could see she was going through a set format.

She was frantically typing down the answers to my questions. I could see she was concerned.

I guess she had to start with the worst things and eliminate them first and work backwards.

At the end of the consultation, she said I had to have a series of blood tests.

She wanted to check for EVERYTHING.

Kidney function, liver, cholesterol – hormones, electrolytes the lot.

Her biggest concern was my high-dose HRT.

HRT and strokes don’t get along very well. HRT and migraines are not best friends either.

After having a full Hysterectomy at a young age I have been on a high-dose of HRT for well over 10 years already – yes, it’s a worry. I now know it’s something I will need to keep a close eye on.

Yesterday I went back for the results.

I have never been so pleased to find out that all I have is severe migraines, as a result of the concussion.

EVERY blood test came back good.

I could burst with happiness at knowing that I don’t need to change much except putting myself higher up the ‘care chain’.

With care and self-kindness, I will grow old with Jonny the love of my life.

I will be there every step of the way with Beckie.

Yes, I’ve had a BIG wake-up call.

I realise that work, is just work.

To the brand I am but a number, but to my loves, I am everything.

Ps. Thank you all so much for the love and concern, thanks also for the lovely inbox and IG messages – I truly appreciate each one. Mwah xx

The scare made me sit back and smell the roses, I know how fast life is, but are YOU taking care of YOU?

Bev,

Related

Dear Bev. Late but heartfelt posting wishing you well. So sorry to hear you have had such a difficult and worrying time. If we don’t have our health its hard to get on with everything else. Good health is a holistic and balanced state that you should cherish and nurture so that you can be there for the people and things that matter. Take care and all the best for 2015. X

Thanks so so much for the wonderful words Samantha, I really do appreciate the love. Sometimes we need a good push to get back on track health-wise. I have been neglecting myself for far too long and need to make sure I stop attempting to go at life at 1000 miles per hour! My people depend on me to be there for them too and work, well that is just work! xxx

Do you know, I thought about you A LOT when I was writing this. I remember when you had your health scare…thank goodness it was just a scare for you too!
Sending a big hug to you for being so gorgeous xxx

Kirsty

Oh my golly gosh.. What a scary experience! But great news the results were good!
Take care and I hope the migraines stop soon! Thinking of you!
x Kirsty

How terrifying for you! And what a relief that it wasn’t the worst case. Still sounds like you need to treat yourself with kid gloves for awhile though. Wrap yourself in a big cocoon of love from your special people xx

I know…the universe finds a way to make you stop and listen. This was my wake-up call and I don’t intend to ignore it. So in answer to your question beautiful girl, ‘I promise’ xx

Sophisticated Mumma

My. Goodness Bev, head injuries are just the worst thing. How worrying for you! I’m so glad that it’s nothing sinister and I’m sure you’ll find a remedy that works whenever you feel a migraine coming on, you must rest up lovely! Hugs! xx

Thanks so much darling. It was so frightening, looking back I don’t think I realised just how much pressure I was putting on myself to get back to work. Fingers crossed it will never happen again, but if it did I would react completely different next time. Thanks for the love xx

Gosh Bev, that is scary! I’m so glad the results came back ok, but migraines are the worst. And short term memory loss and losing eye sight are horrifying effects. 2015 needs to be a year you put yourself first I think. Xx

Thanks gorgeous, the loss of sight really made me panic. I have never experienced anything like that before – so I guess it just proves I need to slow the hell down and stop stressing about things that will just sort themselves out in the long run! Perspective is my word for 2015 xx

Hayley-Brea Visser

Bev you poor thing! I’m so glad the tests came back clear. Gosh…I hate the pressure we put ourselves under when working in a ‘frock shop’. That’s what Terry always called it when we got stressed out (smokes and mirrors). I remember going back to work the day after my grandmother passed away and I was the only one with her when she passed and had to give her CPR before the ambulance came. Going back to work the day after is absolutely ridiculous…but we think, short staffed, what about the store??? OMG! I can’t believe what we do sometimes? I’m so happy you have realised the important things and that is your family and for them to see you today, tomorrow and the next day. Enjoy recovering while they are giving you both love and support. Sending my love. Hayley-Brea xxx

Thanks so much darling…I was more than a little worried waiting for the tests to come back. Thank goodness I have now have the all clear – well except for the dreaded migraines! I now know what to do at the first sign of a migraine – which means I’m taking back the control.
Working retail is a massive pressure – it is stressful and all consuming most of the time…when really Terry is so right, it is just a frock shop!. Thanks for the love! See you soon xxx

Oh my goodness lovely lady I had no clue. I am happy to hear you are well and that all is ok, but ohh my! how scary. A year and a bit ago my youngest daughter fell at school and hit her head. The school called as you can NEVER muck around with head injuries. She came home and her speech was slurred which scarred the living daylights out of me. After a few days home she was ok, thank goodness. Take care lovely and please please look after you. YOU are important and I am super excited in meeting you one day real soon. V x

Thanks darling. I’m have perfected the art of saying ‘I’m fine’ so much over the years – that I even believe myself!
The worse bit about a head injury is no one can see what you are going through, you feel dizzy, sick and not quite right. Thank goodness your baby girl bounced back really quickly though – head injuries are such a worry!
This year we will definitely get together – I just know it! xx

Oh Bev I am so sorry to read of your scare. Having been in hospital recently and having the same worries about everyone else including work, I can completely relate to what you have been through. We do need to take the time to listen to our bodies and to make ourselves a priority. I am so pleased to hear that you haven’t had a stroke but sad to hear that the migraines are really getting you down. I hope that they can find something to help in that department and always remember to look after ÝOU’.

Kate, thank you so much. It’s comforting to know, I’m not the only one who is a complete worry wart. The new medication is working like a dream. I pop a wafer under my tongue at the first sign of a migraine and it magically disappears in two hours. I still feel drained after but at least its a big step in the right direction. I promise to look after me, if you promise to look after YOU xx

I was so happy to hear the last few sentences!! That you’re ok and you’re happy and you’re going to look after yourself. What a stressful time for you. I hope 2015 is extremely healthy and happy one for you and your fam xox

Oh my goodness Bev. I can’t believe you actually kept on working with all that happening. How awful to go through all that but thank God you are ok. I learnt as well, 7 years ago when I collapsed with a physical breakdown, that being around for my family is all that matters. Jobs come and go but family do not. Listen to your body is all I can say. xo

Thanks so much Petra. Looking back now (in fact it was just writing this post) I am shocked that I just ignored what my family and friends were saying and carried on regardless. This has been a huge wake-up call for me, one that I don’t intend to ignore! xx

mon

Bev how awful. We as mothers and wives always put ourselves last. I am so so glad your tests came back positive. What a relief you must feel. I really loved this post it made me think about things thats for sure. Hope you enjoy today knowing that your fighting fit. Sending big hugs x

Mon I’m so pleased this post has made everyone think a little about what’s important in life. It has been a wake up call for me. Something I needed…it was the universe telling me I need to change. Thanks so much xxx

Lisa Mckenzie

I am so glad your migraines were not anything serious sweetheart,yes it is time for a wake up call,it is only a frock shop and work will always be there,it’s time to take care of YOU and listen to your body.
I had a wake up calll when I saw the neurosurgeon about my neck,he was talking paraplegia and other nasty things,so I’ve had to slow down and listen to my body more and go straight to the hospital if I have anymore changes of sensation or I have a fall and rest my neck everyday by lying down,quite frankly I knew my neck was bad but not as bad as that,so now the housework and things can wait and after losing Mum I really have lost my mojo and realise if you haven’t got good health ,the other things really don’t matter!
Bev you beautiful girl .slow down and take care of you Xxx

Thanks so much darling. Yes, its just a shop. A shop that will continue to be there long after I’m not! So I’m putting everything into perspective for 2015. I will concentrate on ALL of the things that I love and make me happy. The rest will just have to fit in, as and when. I’m making ME a priority!
Please do listen to the surgeon darling. I really feel for you with your neck, it must be horrendous living with pain day in, day out – I just cannot imagine what you are going through.
Good health is everything Lisa, that and having our loved ones close is all we really need. Sending lots of love xxx

Yvonne Duke

Glad you eventually had all the tests and they have come back good. Migraines are horrible and if I am stressed I can have one every second day. We had a big wake up call at the end of October when my husband had a major heart attack out of the blue. He has recovered but has to be on a lot of medication for the rest of his life. At the end of the day, family and friends are all that really matter. Take care x

Oh dear Yvonne, so sorry to hear about your hubby – thank goodness he is now lots better. You’re so right, migraines are the pitts. They drain the life out of me and leave me in a heap after they have passed…I also think that stress is a migraine inducer for me too – as well as the concussion. Thanks for stopping by xx

Karen – IG Styleloving2

Oh Bev what a really scary time you have had over the last few months. So thankful that all the test came back clear. Maybe a wake up call to make sure you take care of yourself as well as you take care of everyone else. Sending love xxxx

Thanks my darling…how many conversations have we had about this eh? I’m deliriously happy for you and your new role darling. And YES to cider and catch-ups! xxx

Jenni from Styling Curvy

Phew! I’m so pleased you had all the tests, it’s scary but peace of mind is worth it. I used to manage in retail and 6 months before I was diagnosed I resigned from a position with utter exhaustion…a breakdown. HUGE wake up call, work isn’t everything, making budgets, getting merchandising perfect etc…it’s not everything and do they really care anyway? Family and quality of life are what matter, look after yourself gorgeous xx

Jenni you know my life so well. One of the girls at work is always saying “its just a frock shop” and she is darn right. Retail is exhausting – to be honest, I don’t think many people realise just how exhausting!
I’m so pleased you made the RIGHT decision for you and your family…I know I can’t keep working at this pace for much longer – I need to make some changes. Thanks for the love gorgeous xx