Fat girl living in a skinny world

I went through my clothing a month or two ago and weeded out everything I can’t fit into right now. Since I didn’t have a big enough box, the two large piles of jeans, capris, sweaters, and tops are sitting on my dresser. My dresses are in the closet, or the piles would be even bigger. Now that we’re moving, I want to get rid of the clothing so I don’t have to move it with us.

Thus, I posted an ad on Craigslist inviting girls who want to buy the clothing to give me a call. A woman – I’ll call her Susan – and I played phone tag for a while before we finally connected. During our conversation, Susan revealed that she has been going to Curves with her friends, and she has already dropped two sizes. She sounded so happy. I think I was happy for her. But I don’t know.

The word on the Fatosphere is that weight loss efforts like that are typically short-lived. How will Susan, now so happy, feel if she gains back any of the weight she has lost?

I also have to ask, am I questioning her happiness because I feel like she’s naive or because I want to be a killjoy? There’s plenty of commentary on the Fatosphere decrying weight loss from a negative attitude toward one’s body. That’s a good thing. But then, what about the women – and men – who try to put a positive spin on losing weight? Is there room in FA to applaud those who lose weight, who don’t buy into the “I’m fine the way I am, so deal with it” mentality?

I haven’t talked with Susan in depth, so I don’t know her story, but I wonder what her motivation is to join Curves. She sounded like a happy, emotionally healthy woman on the phone, so perhaps she was attempting to be healthy, as defined by Body Positive, by “getting active” and the weight loss was just a side effect. But could it be more insidious than that? And really, who am I to judge?

I think judgment that stems out of our concern for an individual’s mental or physical health can be appropriate, but how do you tell when it’s warranted and when you’re just overreacting. I have to do more reading to see if this has been previously discussed, so please feel free to weigh in with your thoughts or any helpful links.

It was a lovely day. The sun was out, but the air was cool. Almost to my home, I heard a story on NPR that brought up one good thing about rising gas prices; one man said that instead of getting in the car to drive two blocks (TWO BLOCKS??!!!) to the grocery store, he now walks.

Great idea, I thought to myself. Instead of asking Jonathan to bring down the tickets to the chicken barbecue at my elementary school so I can pick it up when I get home, I’ll ride my bike to the school instead. It’s only just down the road, which is fairly flat. It shouldn’t be a problem.

To be honest, it really wasn’t a problem. I did get off and walk a few times (to get through crazy intersections and once when I didn’t think I could make it up an incline before I’d have to cross against traffic), but overall, I did well. When I got home though, I called Jonathan to come down and put my bike away because I was so shaky, I couldn’t really walk. It took all my willpower to climb the stairs to our apartment.

I checked tonight after Bible study. I traveled 3.4 miles. Pretty good for someone who has only ridden her bike twice in the last month and hadn’t ridden for several years before that. Pretty good, too, for someone who weighs 350+ pounds.

The trip, though, was marred by two incidents. Since I had to cross a highway overpass after climbing a fairly steep hill (for my level of riding, anyway), I decided to walk my bike. As I dismounted in a nearby parking lot and started walking, several young guys in an SUV chose to comment on my appearance/walking my bike with rude noises and gestures. Then, on the return trip, I was preparing to turn onto my street, which necessitated moving into the turning lane on the left. I signaled well in advance, checked to make sure I wasn’t going to get run over, then moved into the lane and safely made the turn. As I finished turning, a guy yelled out the window of a car going past behind me.

“…illegal… cover your fat ass!” with the ellipses representing the words I couldn’t make out because of the Doppler effect.

To that gentleman (a term which I use very broadly in his case), I had this to say had he actually stuck around for a conversation:

I’m sorry my presence has offended you. I neglected to consider that your sensitive eyes might happen upon my large body in motion. I do believe I will cease any attempts to exercise so you do not need to fear seeing such things as you saw today. Of course, that means I shall always remain an offensive size, which you seem to despise.

In other words, DUH!! I mean, come on! A fat girl getting some exercise so she maybe won’t be as fat as she is now. You should be applauding her, not ridiculing her!

It’s just another reason that society is messed up. Society wants people to be thin, but they won’t provide safe, accepting places/areas for fat people to exercise.

What’s the solution to this problem?

(Someone later suggested this response: “I’m ready for the next Famine, how about you?” )

Phew. It was a nice night. There was nothing on TV. So I hauled my butt off the couch, pulled on my sports bra, moon-and-froggy pajama pants, and a bland grey tank, and pulled my bike out of the storage shed. I rode for about 15 minutes. Yay! I pedaled more than the last time I rode. I also went further and discovered some cool roads. At one point I pedaled through a street where the air smelled really sweet, like lilacs.

I’m sweating like a pig (although pigs don’t sweat, so where did we get that phrase?) watching the tail end of Wheel of Fortune. What I’m really waiting for is America’s Next Top Model. I enjoy watching the photo shoots since photography has always fascinated me. I really enjoy learning about fashion, although half the time I think the stuff the judges like is totally wacko. I’m cheering for my girl, Whitney, who happens to be the only remotely average-American-sized contestant. And okay, I admit it; I also like seeing really skinny girls being critiqued. For once they get to feel what us fat girls go through almost every day.

Oh, and before I forget. I hate my sports bra. It stretches too much and pulls at the back of my neck and on my shoulders. I really hope the bra I ordered from Decent Exposures fits better!