Sunday, November 18, 2012

First, thanks to Evan for posting his thoughtful views on orgasm denial. I think our view of orgasm denial has moved a lot since we first tried out a female-led relationship. We first tried this as a route to Evan's perhaps listening to me more, and doing what I wanted, when I said so. But we found a different route to that goal, which was simply my being strict. So orgasm denial takes on a new function in our relationship: this is now just a way to play with Evan for my (and indirectly his) amusement.

(But as I have said earlier, I don't know the long-term effects of orgasm denial on a man, so I will allow Evan to orgasm every now and then, even when I generally may like to keep him denied.)

Here are the last few photos from the spanking that I was posting about earlier. Here, Evan is still figged, and I am spanking very hard. In the last photo, you can see that he is completely flopped out over my lap. He has completely given in to the spanking at this point, which is something that I like to bring about in him.

I am working hard early this week so that Evan and I can have a relaxing Thanksgiving, with no work stress later in the week. In case I don't write more this week, happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans out there. I hope that you boys get the spankings that you deserve (and need) and that you are appropriately thankful for them if you do!

Deirdre

more hard spanking for Evan!

I am careful to spank evenly across each cheek

That was a hard spank!

Evan has finally given up, and flopped completely over my lap, giving in to the spanking. Good boy.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Deirdre has asked me to write about the topic of chastity, female control in a relationship, and real life. This is an interesting and complex topic. I started writing this post several months ago, and since then, my relationship with Deirdre has changed a lot, such that she is now in total control, and we both prefer it this way. Anyway, here is what I wrote a few months ago, with some comments along the way updating the way I feel.

1. Background: our fit as a couple

As Deirdre has described, it was always my fantasy to be dominated by my partner, and to have her spank me and sexually control me as she pleased. This is a pretty common male fantasy (and probably a common submissive fantasy among many women, too). Finding a compatible partner is sometimes difficult, but I have a very compatible partner in Deirdre: she happens to be dominant, and she likes to be in control of everything, as much as possible. She is very organized, and she likes things done her way. Furthermore, she really likes sex in many variations: she has tried a lot of things, and she is usually happy to try something new. Early in our relationship, when I mentioned the idea that it is my fantasy to have my partner control me sexually and otherwise in life, she was excited by and supportive of the idea. She likes both the idea of dominating me sexually and the idea of leading the relationship in all other ways. So she has always been supportive of this proposal.

2. If I am not sexually charged up (basically I need to not have orgasmed in a while, so that I am backed up with semen) I don't always do what Deirdre wants.

However, as Deirdre mentioned in a recent post, I don't always play by the rules that I want to agree to. In particular, I don't always do what she says, and I also have not always agreed to the punishments that she has laid out for me. For example, we may disagree about some home topic. She may want it done one way, and I may want it done another. It doesn't matter what the topic is. Perhaps I was right about the best way to do it, and perhaps she was: it doesn't matter. What matters is that we have sometimes had an agreement that I should submit to her wishes in these kinds of scenarios, but when they occurred, I didn't always do so.

(I wrote this a while ago: this doesn't seem to be true anymore. I now do what Deirdre says pretty much all the time, whether or not I am sexually charged up. Her attitude is what changed everything: now if I disagree with her, she tells me bluntly to make sure that I am respectful of her and her opinion at all times, or she will spank me right away. This usually works, but if not, she grabs my hair or ear and then makes sure that I listen to her point of view. From my point of view, her new strict attitude has been the determining factor over the past few months.)

3. Possible solutions

There are several possible solutions: one extreme is to drop the idea of female control, and use a more balanced approach to our life together; another extreme is to find some way to make female control possible: to make it so that I will be able to follow her instructions at all times.

(A third solution, that I didn't see as possible at the time, is that Deirdre could take a much stricter attitude toward me. This is what has happened, and so far it looks like our issues are solved.)

4. An obvious solution: male chastity

This issue has occurred many times in many other attempted female-led relationships, and a standard solution is for the female in the relationship to control the male's orgasms. The principle on which this works is that men who haven't ejaculated in a while will more readily obey their partners. I am certainly one of these men: when I haven't ejaculated in a couple of days, I will do almost anything that Deirdre asks of me, sexual or not. So we have tried male chastity as a way to facilitate the female-led relationship that we both want.

5. Achieving male chastity, attempt 1: Using the CB-2000

The first method we tried for keeping me from ejaculating was by using the CB-2000, a popular chastity device from a few years ago. This seemed good in principle, but it wasn't great in practice. First, it's quite uncomfortable to wear under your clothes, and it's hard to work out while wearing it. Second, it didn't really hold me in: there was no setting that we could find such that I couldn't slip my penis out, and then back in again, if I wanted to do so. The problem was roughly that my penis could really shrink back up into my body when it was uncomfortable over a long period, and then it could always come out again, above the device. Third, it was really uncomfortable to sleep in. Whenever I started to get an erection at night, I would be awakened by the straining against the device, because it was not possible to be erect inside it. And then I would get a lousy sleep as a result.

We tried the CB-2000 off and of for a few weeks / months, over a period of a couple of years. Although we both still like the idea in principle of Deirdre being completely in control of my sexuality, so that I can't orgasm without her playing a part in it, the CB-2000 didn't do that for us. It was uncomfortable, and it didn't actually stop me from masturbating: it just made it more difficult to do so. It was not satisfactory for long-term use for us, so we abandoned it. (I didn't masturbate when it was in use -- because Deirdre and I had agreed that I wouldn't -- but the CB-2000 wasn't stopping me from doing so.)

6. Achieving male chastity, attempt 2: Using the honor method

In order to achieve male chastity, I now simply avoid masturbating. Fortunately, I have a very supportive partner in Deirdre: most of the time, she would like me not to masturbate, so that she has more control over me; but she is very understanding of a deep need for sexual relief. She has had times in her life when she wanted to masturbate all the time, and so she understands the need / desire to masturbate, and to look at porn. So she was never upset with me if I ever strayed and masturbated when I was not supposed to. That was very supportive of her. Rather than be upset, she would just encourage me not to masturbate in the future.

Over time, I have realized that the way to avoid masturbating is to avoid looking at sexual material whenever possible. As long as I don't look at much porn, then I won't have as much of a need to masturbate. (I also think that my sex drive has dropped with age over the past few years, which helps in avoiding masturbating.) I can now simply avoid masturbating by just not touching myself at all, and not looking at porn. This might not have been possible for me when I was younger, but now it seems to be possible.

7. Chastity and real life for horny men: A bad fit

Even though I can remain chaste for long periods without masturbating, the problem is that when I don't have sexual release for a long while (which now means a few days), all I think about is sex. This is kind of a fun state to be in, but it's impractical in the real world. It means that in Deirdre's words, I am a bit of an idiot in this state. I don't do much work, and all I want to talk to her about is serving her or doing something for her. She likes this, but she sees that it's not practical: I need to think for my living, and my employers wouldn't appreciate the chaste version of me working for them. Someday Deirdre and I may take a few months off from work (or at least I will), and then she can have me as her personal slave / pet during that period. I think we would both really like that. She says that when we get around to that, she may buy a big cage to keep me in part time: she would like to see me suffer when she knows she has me to herself for a long period. But at the moment we have real-world commitments that we must keep. So for the time being, she keeps me in temporary states of chastity, just enough so that she can get me to do what she likes a lot of the time. But she also lets me orgasm every now and then, to clear the pipes, so I can't get some serious work done each week or two.

Final comments: For us, the goal of male chastity was to achieve a female-led relationship in which I would always listen to Deirdre. We have found a different path to that goal: through Deirdre's much increased strictness. Consequently, chastity is no longer a goal in our relationship. Deirdre now stops me from orgasming over long periods just for her own amusement, not because it makes me more subservient to her. This dynamic works well for both of us.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Here are some pictures of Evan getting figged, and then some more hard spanking.

(For those of you who don't know, getting "figged" consists having a piece of peeled ginger inserted into one's anus. I gather it's quite a strong feeling: Evan says it stings a lot. For more on figging please see:

He didn't like this at all! But he stayed very still, while he was figged. He doesn't squirm at all when he has a piece of ginger in his bottom. This enables me to spread his cheeks a bit, and get the tender inside part of his bottom crack. What fun! (Not for him, but definitely for me. If I didn't blur out my face, you would see a big smile on my face during this part of the spanking!)

Deirdre

This is the most embarrassing part for Evan: Having his cheeks spread, and then having the peeled ginger inserted.

He stops squirming when he is figged. That makes the spanking a lot easier for me. I can spank as hard as I like.

Here is a picture of me spanking the inner cheek. He really didn't like this.

When he is relaxed like this (with the ginger in his anus), I get better impact shots: see his bottom bounce away!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

This spanking happened a little while ago. Evan put up with it well, although he did squirm a bit, which led me to eventually fig him during the spanking. (I had a ready cut piece of ginger in case this might be the case.) As you can see, he was quite excited before the spanking, in spite of himself. And I can never resist giving his penis a squeeze when it's in that lovely state.

More later: we are really busy right now.

Deirdre

oh my!

what a wonderful toy!

getting started

getting his left thigh

and his right (he really doesn't like these)

now he starts squirming...

I am spanking pretty hard here

he can feel it

time for more kicking of his legs

but that doesn't bother me too much: it just lets me know I am doing a good job

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

This blog is almost exclusively about my relationship with my husband Evan, and how I now keep him in line with regular strict discipline, as he needs. I don't think I have ever mentioned a political orientation in my writings yet... I am breaking that string with this one post, where I express my happiness and relief that Obama won the election. (I know that some large fraction of you readers may disagree with me, but this is my blog, and I can therefore express my view here.)

It should come as no surprise that Evan and I are strong supporters of the Democratic party, including Obama and our new senator-elect Warren. After all, I am educated, from a big city in Massachusetts, under 35, and a woman. All of these factors statistically suggest that I would vote for Obama, and I did. I am very pleased that he and Elizabeth Warren won!

As a celebration of this, I gave Evan a good spanking before we went to bed. That was my celebration spanking!

The photos are new to the blog, but are not from last night... I didn't film the spanking last night. That was just for Evan and me.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Many of you have asked for my take on how my relationship with Deirdre has been going recently, with Deirdre taking strong control of our marriage. Briefly, it has been great. I don't know what clicked in her a few months ago now (September? late August?) when she first grabbed me by my ear and my hair and told me off. But that totally worked for me and for her. Now I always listen to her, even when I am grouchy and don't feel like it. Two days ago we were traveling somewhere in the evening, take a local flight together. I often am somewhat nervous traveling, because I don't like to be late and I don't like the possibility of being late. This makes me tense, especially when there are lots of lines at airports. Anyway, I was tense, and Deirdre could sense this. She told me calmly to relax, that we had lots of time, and that we should always enjoy our time together, no matter what we were doing. I agreed half-heartedly with her, even though I knew she was right: it's just hard to get my attention when I am tense or stressed. Eventually I was a bit short with her (I don't remember exactly when or where) and she told me loudly and clearly that she would deal with me properly when we got to the hotel: she was going to give me a sound spanking and put me in the corner for 30 minutes to make me think about my behavior. This loud threat (which I am sure anyone around us could hear) got me to behave immediately. I stopped behaving tensely with her, and we had a very nice flight.

True to her word however, she gave me a quick hard spanking as soon as we got to the hotel, and put me in the corner with my pants down, hands on my head for 15 minutes (she let me me off 15 minutes for good behavior). We had a wonderful evening after that all around.

All in all, things are going wonderfully. Deirdre spanks me often now: probably twice a week (which is a lot in regular life). We never fight anymore: if I get cranky in any way, she pulls out her purse paddle, and takes my pants down and spanks me as soon after the bad behavior as possible. I have to admit that it is hard to take at times, but we get along so much better like this. She is so calmly in control, which eventually melts me to do her bidding. We are both very happy. For my part, I feel deeply content, moreso than ever in my life before. She makes me completely relaxed when I know she is in control (which is almost always now).

My best to all,

Evan

These shots are from a while ago. Deirdre has already been spanking me for a while at this point, and my legs are kicking (and my bottom is red).

Deirdre connected well on that one. If you could see my face, you would see me with my mouth open, yelling out.

When I make noise, that just encourages Deirdre to spank more and harder. So there is usually more to come.