The Blooming of a Medium

This is part of my story,
it will always continue, and always grow as I do.

I would ask that people point out any grammer errors etc, as I am not a writer, When I do, it comes straight out and needs to be worked on as I
go. I'm also not very good at proof reading if you can't tell, but I do plan on writing a book someday. Sometimes school is not the only way to
learn

I was terrible at english and grammer, as I bet you can tell as well, so all pointers are much apreciated and valued as are opinions to
content.
Although the "story" won't change, the way it is formatted most likely will.
Thank you.

PS:I add more in farther posts, so scroll down

A serious new development in my spiritual growth.
-5/18/2002-

(yes 2002, not 2004)

Something strange has started to happen to me. My own spiritual and psychic development has started to blend into the same thing. Some
might consider this a breakthrough in development and some might consider this a natural and normal evolution in the path of a psychic. I personally
don't know what to make of it yet. I am excited by it and it is a serious breakthrough for me in my own spiritual growth and evolution. My perception
of the world and why we are here is changing. Not a drastic change, I have always felt that we are here to learn and grow, but now it is taking on a
new dimension. What is happening? Well, to put it point blank, I am starting to communicate with spirits. This is something that I have never
experienced before. I have had several spirit encounters in my life, but not like this. It has been an unexpected turn of events for me, and a
pleasant one at that. So far, I have not spoken in the sense of having a conversation with a spirit and being able to ask my own questions, but I have
acted as a go-between for a few people. In the realm of psychic abilities, this is known as mediumship. A lot of you may be familiar with it by
watching such shows as John Edward's Crossing Over, or from other famous mediums that are currently finding popularity.

So far as I can tell, it is very similar to what they have been doing. In fact, it was while watching John Edward on TV that I suddenly realized I
could do it. He was explaining why he doesn't look directly at someone when he gives them a reading. He said that in order for the images to come
through clearly he needed to look away at anything other than the person in order to focus. I understood what he was talking about because when I used
to read Tarot and I would try to get some sort of information from my own intuition, I would often look away and let images just come to me. It
didn't always work, but when it did, I would repeat what I was seeing and it usually had some sort of meaning to the person I was reading for.
Something just clicked inside me when I heard how he was doing it. I understood. I jumped up from the couch and ran to my computer.

I frequent a place called Spiritweb on the internet, and I went there. The people there know me, as I have been going there for several
years. I feel like I can trust most people there, and when I feel rather psychic, I generally go there to discuss what I am feeling and to experiment
with what I am feeling psychic about at the time. When I entered the chat room, I explained that I had just watched John Edward and I was feeling
rather Edweirdish. There is always someone there willing to help me experiment. I am very grateful for the people that go there, and have made some
great friends over the years.

Of course, right away, people started to step forward to ask questions. I haven't given any readings there in quite some time because I
started to feel used. When you offer free advice, people flock out of the woodwork, and when you are good at it, they won't leave you alone. So a few
years ago, I stopped doing readings after several months of constant pressure to give readings every time I went there. My whole reason for going
there was to talk and maybe compare notes with other people like me. There are not any people in my area that I know of that actually practice and
work on their psychic abilities. No workshops, no groups, no spiritualistic churches etc. So I have had to turn towards the worldwide web for an
outlet and place to experiment and discuss my own experiences. I have never considered myself a great psychic, the abilities seem to come and go, and
the last few years, I have had a lot of personal issues to deal with so I haven't focused too much on that area of my life. Although I must admit, it
is always on my mind. I am always thinking and philosophizing inside myself. I didn't know what I was in for over the next few weeks.

Although I don't remember all of the exact conversations I had that first night, I remember some of the images and what happened with one
rather clearly.

Someone asked me if I could see somebody, anybody for them. So I focused.
Instantly, I had a image of a person appear in my mind. I said, "Yes, I do see somebody." I then began to describe who I was seeing. First I
described the hair I saw, then the face, body size, clothing , area surrounding the person I was seeing.

The person I was talking to suddenly got excited.
"I know who you are seeing! That is my mother who died in January! Oh my God!"

I almost freaked out. I had such a clear image of this lady that it was almost like looking at a picture in front of my face. I didn't know
what to say or do next. This was all so sudden to me that I was taken by surprise.

"Ok," I said, "I can see her, is there anything you want to ask her?"

I figured that this would be a safe thing for me to ask because I had no clue what to say or do. The person asked me if her mother was ok, so I
focused on the image again and asked mentally if she was ok.

The image of the woman suddenly smiled and nodded her head. I noticed that I wasn't hearing anything, but I could see her movements rather clearly.
Her mouth moved but I didn't hear any noises, she was trying to tell me something, but I didn't understand what. So that's what I told the person I
was talking to. I said, "I can see her and she shook her head yes, that she was ok, but when she spoke, I couldn't understand what she was saying. I
didn't hear anything."

The woman asked me what else I was seeing. So I focused again on the image in my mind, and she suddenly grinned and pointed to a picture in
back of her. At this point the image of the lady faded, and the image that she was pointing to came into focus. It was almost like watching a slide
show. I saw a wall of pictures, and in the center was a large painting. I couldn't see what the painting was, but I could see the frame rather
clearly.

I started to type out what I was seeing. I said that she was showing me a wall of pictures, with a large one in the center. I asked the person I was
talking to in the chat room if she knew what that was, because I had no idea. This had never happened to me before so I didn't understand what was
going on. I was just going with it.

The lady in the chat room said that when her mother died, she had taken a lot of her pictures and a large painting her mother had painted and
had put them up in her house all on one wall. When I read that, the image changed slightly and I saw a coffee table under the painting and pictures.
I asked if there was a coffee table under them and the answer was yes.

At this point I was getting rather excited, to me, this was a BIG deal. The image was so clear that I felt like I was looking at a TV screen. But I
had noticed that I couldn't make out the painting. I still don't know why I could see everything so clearly but the painting was blank. I asked
about the painting, I noticed that the image seemed to always be focused on it. I said that I couldn't see what it was, but it must be important
because it seems to be the focus of what I am seeing. The lady told me that it was a painting of an owl, and every time she walked by it, she felt her
mother. The image then switched back to the lady I was seeing the first time. The lady was smiling again. I felt very warm and kind of like I was
being given a hug, so I repeated that to the lady in the chat room. I also said that I felt that it was for both of us. And I felt a very loving
feeling, a very warm and soft, gentle kind of emotion. I said that her mother must be a very wonderful and loving person, because it seems like she is
not only making me feel very warm, but also that it seems to be not only directed at me, but at you to. The lady in the chat room said that she also
was feeling it, her mother was hugging her and we were both feeling it.

The lady on the other side of the computer started to cry. She said she had been hoping for this for some time since her mother died, to know that she
was ok. She was worried that her mother wasn't happy with her, because of the pictures she had taken and thought that maybe she shouldn't of taken
them.

The image of her mother came in again, and she was grinning ear to ear. I started to cry myself. I was beginning to understand what was
happening here, and felt so honored to be a part of it. I told her that her mother was back and was grinning at me. I then felt like I was supposed to
say something, and it just kind of came out.

"Your mother is glad that you have the pictures, she wants you to keep them and not to sell them. The painting of the owl, your mother thinks you
should keep that, and when you miss her, look at the painting, and know that she is there with you."

Then the picture of her mother changed slightly, I saw her standing there, tapping her foot. So I repeated that to the lady I was chatting
with, I said "I don't know why, but your mother is tapping her foot and looking rather impatient."

The lady told me that when her mother was waiting for an answer to something she used to do that. "Oh, so your mother is waiting for a question! I
see! Is there anything else that you want to know about?"
"Yes", she said, "when my mother died, a purse of hers was stolen, does she say anything about that?"

I mentally asked the question, but before I was finished asking, I saw a purse. "Is it a black leather purse with an alligator grain to it and a gold
clasp at the top to keep it closed?"
"Yes, that's it!"
"I see it." I said. Then the image started to take on the role of a movie, I saw the purse sitting on a table, an older lady came in and grabbed it.
I described what I was seeing and the lady I was talking to said "Oh my God! That's my aunt!"

The image changed again and I saw the lady clutching the purse very close to her, and I felt an emotion like she felt that it should be hers,
that it was all she had left of the person it belonged to. That it was hers to begin with and now that her sister was gone, she should have it back,
and it will help to keep her close to her sister.
This was very odd for me, because I felt her emotions towards the purse. I repeated what I saw and what I was feeling. The lady I was talking to said
that the purse was indeed her aunts, but that she had given it to her sister as a present.
"Well, that's where it went." I said, and then an image of her mother came back in.
Again I started to feel like I was supposed to say something, this time it was more of a feeling of letting it go. So I repeated that to her.
"Your mother wants you to let it go, she needs the purse more than you do. It is all she feels she has left to remind her of her sister, she is
emotionally attached to it. Your mother wants her to keep it."

She said that she understood, but her mother again made me push that at her.
"Let it go."
The lady then said that there was money in the purse, and she needed that money. Again, I said,
"Let it go."

I saw her aunt again, clutching the purse.
"She won't give it to you. She feels that it is hers. I saw an empty cupboard. She needs the money too I added. Your aunt doesn't have much, and I
get the feeling that you are secure. Your aunt needs the money more than you. Is this correct?"
"Yes, you are right, but its the principal of the matter."
The image of her mother came back, and she was frowning a little. "Your mother doesn't think so, she is frowning at me. She keeps saying to
let it go. You aren't planning to let it go are you?"
"No, she shouldn't have it, its not hers anymore. She stole it."
At this point, I didn't know what to say. I felt almost like I was being caught in between a family quarrel between a mother and daughter.
Her mother then smiled at me again and I got the feeling that I should focus on that again. "Your mother is smiling now." I said. "I think
she is getting ready to go. Is there anything else you want me to ask your mother?"
"No, please tell her that I love her."

I was again shown the painting.
"She already knows that," I said, "and wants you to know that she is always there when you need her. When you feel lonely, you are supposed to look
at the painting she did of the owl, and she will be there for you and will comfort you."
"Thank you!" She said, and then her mothers image faded away.
"No, thank you! I was honored to be able to help you. You and your mother have actually helped me more than you know. I have never done this
before, and I am so glad that I could assist."

I spent the next couple of weeks doing this. I spoke to several people and acted to bridge the gap between them and thier relatives.
I also saw several pets and a couple of relatives that didn't seem to have much to say other than to smile. I saw a couple of spirit guides, and lots
of images of places. Then I stopped.

I realized, I have no clue what I am doing. I mean, I know what is happening, but I don't feel like I am qualified to do it. It is very easy
for someone who has never experienced it to say "If I could do it, I would." It's not that easy for me. I am not scared of the ability, I am more
scared of the situations that I am put into.

So far, every spirit I have encountered that had a message to pass was very nice, and very happy or glad it seems to be able to communicate, same for
those people on this side.

However, a few instances have been rather serious in nature, people on this side wanting information I can't seem to get those on the other side to
inform me of. Or the situation turns really deep and I myself feel to uncomfortable to continue.

It is hard to explain correctly. I don't feel qualified in this area, I suppose that comes with experience, but for now, I have blocked it out for
the most part until I can read up some on it and inform myself on what I can expect.

I have been spending a lot of time speaking with other people who are mediums trying to get a grasp on what is going on, what I can expect, what I
should do with it, etc. Maybe someday I will be able to feel more secure in it and put it to use, but for now, I am in a learning phase. I had it
verified through several people, that I am indeed speaking with and seeing those who have crossed over, I was worried about that at first, thinking it
was only my imagination, or a fluke.
Now I know it is happening, and I am a little cautious about running headlong into it. I need to get informed, so that I don't accidently do
something wrong, though I honestly don't know what that could be. But I guess I need to make sure that I can do it without some sort of unseen
pitfall that I am not aware of.

Some people concider this a serious gift, one that should be used. I hope I come to that same conclusion, because if I do, I could possibly help many
people get peace of mind, and learn a lot myself along the way. Out of all of the things I have experienced, this seems to be the most helpful as of
yet. I can only imagine what spirit has in store for me next. I have been healing myself the last couple of years, healing a lot of mental and
emotional pain, and I think I am finally reaching the end of that proccess.

It seems that spirit is giving me another reward, the reward of helping others.
This is giving me a whole new perspective on life in general, and I am excited again about what life might have instore for me.
Another piece of my puzzle is falling into place and I am again growing.

Thank you, It gets a lot better.
LOL
If the story interests anyone reading it, be sure to keep scrolling down, I know this isn't exactly a SHORT story, but, if you hold an interest in
these kinds of things, or maybe want to understand how it can happen, this is my story, and it probibly will go on until the day I cross over, and
even then...it's going to keep going!

Shortly after I wrote the above update, I went out seriously searching for information on mediumship after Spiritweb closed down, which in
itself was a conspiracy to many. While at Spiritweb I talked to many people who said they were mediums, but because you can't verify it, you have to
take thier word for it, and after a while I found many people who said they were, lacking in any sort of helpful information. They just couldn't
supply me with the knowlege I needed. Perhaps Spiritweb closing was a way for me to realize that I needed to expand and grow. When it closed, it was
time to move on. It was a sad thing for me to watch the place close though, I had a lot of friends there, and learned a lot more than I realized
through them. I will always be thankful for that time.

People still don't realize the effect of the web and those who traverse its pages and sites full of information. Being an at home parent at this
time, I am lucky enough, or as some think, unlucky enough, to be able to truely know the depths of its impact on the lives of people who frequent it
due to life circumstances.

So off I went! Into the world wide web searching for information on mediumship. Being the type of person I am, I need to talk to people. I have a
hard time reading information on certain subjects and fully accepting it. For some reason I have found that I require actual communication before I
can form an opinion on if something feels right. Although I found a lot of information, I wasn't finding what I needed. I had even gone so far as to
ask the creator to help and guide me to where I needed to go next because I was becoming frustrated with all the information out there, and some of it
just seemed to far out there. I am a rather down to earth guy believe it or not, and some things were just to bizarre for me to accept and were far
beyond my experiences.

One day I remembered watching a show back in the 90's on tv called, The Other Side, which often had psychics on it relating thier experiences,
and durring that time I was into heavy meditation and watched the show every day trying to get little bits of useful hints as to how I could advance
myself on a psychic and spiritual level. One of the guests one day was a short little round man, named James Van Praagh. For some reason, I remembered
his name, and did a search on him on the web. Surprisingly, I found a lot of information on him and what he does, and when reading, I could relate to
his experience very well. So I found his official website and headed right to it thinking maybe I could find something there of use to me. If you want
to shoot a great game of golf, your ideal teacher would be Tiger Woods, if you want to understand Mediumship, you would want to get lessons from James
Van Praagh. That was my reasoning.

While sifting around his site, I found a lot of information, some of it was useful, but again, because of the way I am, I require person to person
communication. I saw a button off to one side that said live chat room, and since I love to chat about wild topics, I couldn't resist checking it
out. I clicked on the button and up came a java box and a warning that readings were strictly forbidden. That made me smile because I didn't want to
give readings, and I didnt want to get a reading from anyone, I just wanted information and to find people who could relate to my experiences.

When I first entered the chat room, a little bar was scrolling across the bottom, and it informed me that the chatsite was moderated, reminded me
about readings, and that the moderators all were in blue names, with an @ in front of thier name. It also said that if you saw a @JVP, that would be
James Van Praagh. I thought cool, he visits his own chat room, wouldn't that be a neat thing to experience. I looked up at the room.

I saw a lot of people greeting me, and at the top of the list of names was @JVP. My jaw dropped. Here was the one man, who might understand what I was
going through.

I said hello to everyone in the room and then I focused on @JVP. I asked,
" Are you really THE James Van Praagh?"
Shortly there after he answered back "Yes Darkblade, That would be me"

You could tell he was busy in the chat, because people were asking him all kinds of questions, some rather deep, and he was answering all that he
could. I almost felt like I was imposing on him. I was excited, yet I was leary of being a pest, I know what it is like to be over run with people
asking for information, and I could not even begin to imagine what it would be like for him. Just watching all the people in the room ask him things
made me feel bad for him. But he was going along answering things and seemed to be having fun with it, so I asked another question.

"I am not looking for a reading JVP, and you look pretty busy, but I have a question for you. I have been experiencing what I believe to be
mediumship, and how can I be sure that it is not me?"

Although I had known it was really happening, I still had my doubts. I am always my own worst critic and my own worst sceptic. I waited for his
answer.
Meanwhile, one of the moderators contacted me in a private message and thanked me for coming to the site, but also reminded me that readings were
strictly forbidden. I informed the moderator that I was actually very happy of that fact because I didn't want to give readings and I didnt want to
get readings, I was looking for information on my experiences. I even went so far as to say that I found people pestering me personally for readings
rather annoying and that when I saw the no readings policy, I was actually relieved.

I closed out the window with the private message from the moderator, and saw JVP's response to me.

"Darkblade, in order to be sure, you must know yourself. You need to meditate and get to know what is the difference between you and spirit"

Although this was good advice, great advice actually, I found it to be rather typical of many psychic answers, and my instant reaction was think,
well, I know myself pretty well. I now recognize this as my ego coming out, and I do have an ego for sure. However, I didn't want to be rude, and so
I thanked him for answering me, then went about watching him chat with everyone in the room. At the time, he was comforting a woman who had lost her
son. I listened and thought about how hard that must be for her. If I lost any one of my three children, I don't know how I could handle it. It was
very sad.

He started to talk about her son, and how he was around her all the time. He said specific things about how the little boy played and and how he
would set up his toys at night. Watching all of this, I almost started to cry, thinking if this was me, how much relief I would feel hearing these
words. It was the most amazing thing to sit and listen too. I wondered to myself if I had that effect on those who I had experimented with at
Spiritweb. At the time, Although I understood what I was doing, and felt the impact, it was not on this level. I had a sudden instant respect for this
man, and what he was doing. And I began to understand what the purpose of mediumship was. I was hooked on this chat almost immediatly.

After a little while, JVP left and everyone there began talking to each other, and I felt like a third wheel. Most of the people there were dealing
with grief and I had to leave, because I felt like I shouldn't be there. I had not lost anyone, and was not there for the same reasons they were at
the moment. I went back to the main site and started to look around a bit more, reading logs he had posted from various chat sessions and such, and
found a lot of useful information. I noticed a lot of people in these chats would get very excited if JVP was there, because appearently, it is rare
for people to catch him, although he does visit sometimes.

For the next few weeks I would pop into the chat and talk with people, and try to comfort anyone I saw in pain with what I understood of spirits in
general. Knowing that we go on, and that it is possible to get messages from past loved ones is a great comfort to many people. Even if you don't
give them a reading, just telling people about it can bring much comfort.

Also at times other people, who had an interest would come in, and I would strike up discussions about my own experiences in hopes that they could
relate to me, or give me pointers.

My psychic "door" as I call it, had been blown open when I first started to experience mediumship. It wasn't a slow gradual proccess. Not only
did I get spirit messages, but I also got a lot of information from pictures, a form of psychometry, and that was very hard to handle.

When I was at Spiritweb, I had taken over the gallery there that had pictures of all the chatters who wanted to be seen by thier firends on the web.
My job was to orginize and redo all the the prior two years worth of work because it was a mess when you looked at it in html. People were still
sending photos too, and I was adding as I went. When they closed, I kept it open, and was still working on it because people had asked me to.

One day I got a picture of a little girl from one of the chatters to add to her page and I got kind of annoyed, because who wants to see a picture of
a little girl? We all wanted to see the face of the one we were chatting with. I put it on her page mumbling to myself about it. If thats what she
wanted, fine. I closed out the page, and a voice in my head said,
"look again"

I was taken back by that because it was a push to look at the photo, and I knew that voice although I have not heard it often, it is a mental voice
that you can't ignore, and without thinking, I reopened the page and looked at the little girl square in the eyes.

The second I made eye contact I was hit dead center in the chest and knocked back in my chair. It was almost like someone physically reached out and
punched me hard, real hard. I felt everything that little girl felt in about three second time. Years of childhood abuse and mental neglect. I fell
out of my chair and onto the floor where I curled up in a ball and cried in physical and emotional pain. It was one of the most painful things I had
ever experienced, and it wasnt mine, it was hers.

It was these things that made me very weary of what I was doing. It was also these things that made me very aware that it is not all fun and games.

And this is why I struggled trying to find answers as to what I should do and expect.

After a few weeks of visiting the James Van Praagh site, and opening up with people about my own experiences, I was approached by the web
administrator. She said that James was starting a new tv show, and that they were going to need help with moderators because the show was going to
bring a lot more traffic to the site.

I was shocked. When I first went to his site, after a few days, I thought, maybe, and it was just a flight of fantasy, someday, I could help out and
be a moderator too. I never asked, never hinted, never made any indication that I was interested. I was just there being myself and helping out with
grieving people while I learned a bit more about what I was going through by talking to other people. I realize now, this is exactly what the other
moderators do, but at the time, I wasnt aware of it that much, I am very focused, and when I see someone in pain, something in me wants to help them
any way I can.

Of course I said yes. It was such a HUGE honor for me, I can't even begin to explain how much this meant. This was like being Tiger Woods caddie,
only in the realm of psychic abilities, JVP is Tiger Woods.

Thus began the next step in my own personal journey. This was in June of 2002. Its was the beginning of a learning phase I will never forget. As the
people there touched me in a way words cannot describe.

But I do find it interesting to share, and I love to tell the story so that people
can see how it all happens, or has for me. Eventually I will write a book, so this is my attempt to sort of put it all together as it has happened up
to now. This is the perfect forum for it. Although I did consider ommiting the names, because well...but then it just wouldnt seem as fantastic.
Perhaps I should?

nope, I can't, that would be denying the truth. Can't do that to myself, and I can't do that to the people who have effected my life in ways they
cannot imagine.

The last 3 or 4 years I could only go here and there because of moving around the country and life generally getting in the way. So was not there a
lot. They kept me on as a moderator though, which I thought was very cool of them as I watched several come and go over the years.

The closing of his chat for me is a sign to continue my growth and expand, much like when Spiritweb closed.
His website is still open though, and has a message board and a lot of information, just no chat.

A list of the moderators that were there (I don't know how long this will be up)
I was DRK there JVP OPs Page

The chat will be missed, but JVP is opening a new website in December I think and it will be all teleconference stuff so there will be no need for
moderators anymore...kind of a bummer really but it seems to be where the internet is headed.

Only problem is now I have like almost 10 years worth of stuff to fill in the blanks,
and none of it is written down, although actually a lot of it is here on ATS now that I think about it.
I should just link to a bunch of my threads

edit on 26-9-2012 by Darkblade71 because: of course I am kidding about linking to
threads!...sorta....lol I love being lazy

I think I might just tell the story and link to threads that have to do with it in general as they pop up..lol

I actually like the sound of that.

It is funny. I see on ATS all the time where people think you can't do these things over the internet if it is at all possible, and I can tell you,
you can. The internet has an astounding amount of very deep metaphysical/psychic information, and more is added all the time, but it is so hard to
find what is right for you personally.
If one searches long enough, and finds what they need, it can be a very powerful experience in many ways.

I think I might just tell the story and link to threads that have to do with it in general as they pop up..lol

I actually like the sound of that.

I was going to ask for updates on how far you have come with your abilities as a medium since this thread was made, but I see you are in the process
of getting to that, so I will wait for it. Please provide us with a link here to your new thread.

I was just going to ask if you were going to update with more. You can link if you want but imho it would be great to see your other experiences all
condensed here.

FYI, I tried this just a few days ago compiling some posts from my thread, and the mods closed the thread down because they said it was a spin off
from my other thread.... Against ATS rules......... sigh!

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