8 Ways To Spot A Competitive Mother [HUMOUR]

Every group of mum friends has at least one competitive mother in it. You know the type, everything about her life is more important and, apparently, more impressive than yours – including her baby. And she’s not one for niceties – nope! She’ll go out of her way to let you know just how much better her baby is performing in pretty much all areas of life.

Here are some fool-proof ways to identify the competitive mother in your group:

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #1: Her Baby Sleeps Through

Obviously. While you are have dark circles under your eyes, are attached to a caffeine drip, and really cannot remember what day it is, she will talk about how wonderful her baby is for sleeping through the night. She won’t empathise with your tiredness either, nope, she’ll just interrupt to say how she actually feels tired today, almost as if she had TOO MUCH sleep.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #2: She Eyes Up Your Baby At The Scales

There’s always a competitive mother when it comes to the weigh in. She makes it seem like she’s only just arrived, but you can tell she’s been lurking all day, just waiting for someone with a slightly smaller baby to show up so she can whip out her percentiles. She watches as you undress your baby, no doubt sizing up his leg rolls to decide whether she has picked a worthy opponent. When she put your baby on the scales she leans in to get a good look at the numbers, and then can’t help but comment on the results. “Ooooh, isn’t he tiny…”

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #3: She Is Obsessed With Ages

The very first time you meet her, she will need to know how old your baby is. Not just in weeks, or months, but to the minute. This information will then be used to compare your child with hers until the end of time. If your children were born within days of each other, then they are now official competitors, and will spend the rest of their childhoods competing, at least in her eyes.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #4: She Notices Your Baby’s New Skills

This one sounds quite harmless, in fact it’s also the sign of a good friend. But when a competitive mum notices your child sitting up unsupported the first time, she is mentioning it in a ‘wooo, look at your amazing baby’ sort of way. She will want to know exactly when your baby mastered the new skill, so that she can work out exactly how advanced or behind her own child is.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #5: She Always Wins

When you’re friends with a competitive mum, it feels like each and every conversation turns into a game of tennis. Everything you say is repeated, bettered and conquered. If you’ve had four hours sleep, she has had three. If your baby has been clingy, hers had to be physically removed from her side by a team of specialist surgeons. If you are happy, she is MORE HAPPY. It can exhausting.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #6: Notices What Your Baby Hasn’t Done

Competitive mums always notice which babies are doing what, and they think nothing of mentioning this information. Hmmm, your baby isn’t crawling yet – why do you think that is? Are you worried that he hasn’t started talking yet? Has your healthcare provider mentioned her slow growth? All parents have niggling, secret doubts hidden deep in the recesses of their mind. Competitive mums will sniff out those fears, and discuss them loudly and with pity at every available opportunity.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #7: Her Baby Is An Ordinary Genius

Her baby, lovely as he is, seems like a pretty normal baby to you. In fact, all of your baby’s homies seem to be pretty much on a par with each other. One will walk faster, and another may start talking sooner, but they’re all getting there in their own time. They all seem like normal, healthy, happy babies. To you, that is, because to her, her stands out at being in a league of his own. Everything he does is used as further proof of his immense excellence. Though all the babies may all be doing the exact same thing, she will always comment on the strength, intelligence and determination of her own baby, whilst failing to notice what anyone else is doing.

Ways To Spot A Competitive Mum #8: She Can Predict His Career With Each New Skill

When he first threw his dinner on the floor, he had magnificent aim and was undoubtedly destined for a life as a professional sports player. When he worked out how to use a toy without help, this was proof of his excellent problem solving ability and genius. When he battered your baby on the head with a rattle, this was proof of his excellent leadership skills, and really made it obvious that he was going to end up as Prime Minister or high flying CEO one day. Apparently.

Dealing With A Competitive Mother

It’s understandable if you end up feeling judged or attacked (let alone pissed off!) by a competitive parent. You probably already know it’s best to keep toxic people out of your life, so instead, choose to spend time with others who have a more healthy view on raising children.

However, it can be hard to cut off all contact if certain situations require you to mingle with the said person. Check out BellyBelly’s great article HERE on dealing with those who attack or judge.

Last Updated: April 10, 2015

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Kelly Winder is the creator of BellyBelly.com.au, a writer, doula (trained in 2005), and a mother of three awesome children. She's passionate about informing and educating fellow thinking parents and parents-to-be, especially about all the things she wishes she knew before she had her firstborn. Kelly is also passionate about travel, tea, travel, and animal rights and welfare. And travel.

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