As we celebrate our country’s colonisation

It is now common knowledge that the presidency is ready to celebrate the amalgamation of Nigeria in 1914 by Frederick Lugard. Such celebration is not just an attempt to recognise the amalgamation as a positive milestone in the history of Nigeria. It is, simply put, a bold attempt by the federal government to commemorate the country’s colonization. The question of the minute is whether observing the amalgamation can enhance the country’s unity or whether it is likely to incense citizens struggling for restoration of federalism as another attempt to justify the current unitary governance of the country.

Given the history of several resistances against Britain’s colonisation of Nigeria in general and against Lugard in particular, as well as the huge sacrifices made by nationalist leaders that fought against colonialism and struggled for self-government in the regions and for independence for the entire country, many patriots are likely to be saddened by any effort by a civilian president that is craving, over fifty years after independence, to celebrate the raw act of colonisation of the country. It is not out of place for such patriots to ask why the federal government is not ready to leave the celebration of the country’s most challenged and challenging colonial decision to the United Kingdom’s government.

Certainly, the British should have more reasons than Nigeria to commemorate the amalgamation of Northern and Southern Protectorates in 1914. It enabled Britain to have the most populous country in Africa today. Lugard’s courage and insensitivity to join the two protectorates made (and still does) today’s Nigeria one country that has more people than all the colonies of France, Britain’s competitor in the Scramble for and Partition of Africa. It must be a thing of joy to the British that the huge country it created out of many in 1914 is still almost as dependent on it as it was in the days of Lugard. For example, instead of generating electricity like other former British colonies, Lugard’s Nigeria relies on generators manufactured in England and clones from such places as China and India. The United Kingdom has reasons to beat its chest for the continuation of the tradition of organising census and elections it bequeathed to Nigeria. Britain should also feel good that its compromise on moving from Lugard’s amalgamation (unitary governance) to federalism in the 50s and at independence has subtly been annulled by Nigerian military dictators and surrogate civilian rulers that came in the post-colonial era.

But if the current federal government believes that it is better positioned to lead the celebration of the amalgamation of Nigeria, it should not fail to do it in style, in consonance with the country’s flair for conducting outlandish festivals or carnivals. It should invite any of Lugard’s living relatives to give a keynote speech or serve as father or mother of the day. It should open a special register in Worcester, England, where Lugard was raised, with the aim of thanking the town for producing the father of Nigeria. There should be space in the ceremony for a London celebration, to which Queen Elizabeth II and Prime Minister Cameron are invited to represent, respectively, King George V and Herbert Asquith, the prime minister in charge of the colonial government in 1914. If possible, these two should be invited to Abuja to serve as grandmother and grandfather of the day. If not, we should organize a London version of the commemoration to make it easy for the two to serve as co-celebrators. President Museveni of Uganda should be invited to assist its sister-country to celebrate the accomplishments of a man that served both countries as the icon of British colonialism in Africa. The Archbishop of Canterbury should be asked to celebrate a high mass here in Abuja or in London.

One thing that must not be missed in the celebration—whether representatives of the family of Lugard or the British royalty and government agree to participate in the ceremony—is making copies of Lugard’s books available as items to be included in the gift bags to be distributed at the ceremony. If this is going to be too expensive, Lugard’s favourite description of the typical African should be printed on the Programme of Events. It should not be too expensive for petroleum-rich Nigeria to include the following lines of Lugard’s favourite quote: “The typical African…is happy, thriftless, excitable person, lacking in self-control, discipline and foresight, naturally courageous, and naturally courteous and polite, full of personal vanity, with little sense of veracity… in brief, the virtues and defects of this race-type are those of attractive children.”

Furthermore, any Nigerian that is opposed to the celebration of Nigeria’s glorious beginning with amalgamation should be declared personal non-grata and a mortal enemy of Nigerian unity. Any Nigerian that chooses to demonstrate or protest against the grand celebration of Nigeria’s Lugardian origin should be charged with treason or treasonable felony. The federal government should leave no stone unturned in its effort to convince critics of the proposed mother of celebrations that its decision is infallible. It should encourage critics to read Michael S. Roth’s The (Honest) Truth about Dishonesty, especially on the thesis about how our brains convince us that our lies are true. Those charged to mould the consciousness of citizens should not fail to say that there is nothing too absurd to do on account of the unity of Nigeria, manufactured by Lugard in 1914.