Two Types of Men (Part 1)

I am writing my book on dating that I have been promising for a while. And in it, I am pulling from the past 10 years or so of writings I have on the subject. When I first started dating – I wrote this post and it’s sister post (Type #2). I hope you find them humorous, and if you are experiencing similar responses with men – enlightening as well!

When I first began dating in my 30 at times it seems like there are really only two types of guys – Commitment Phobic and Severely Commitment Phobic. The Commitment Phobic seem to sense the second you begin to show any real interest and turn tail and run the other way. The Severely Commitment Phobic don’t even get you all that interested because they are never close enough to touch.

Type #1 The Commitment Phobic:

You know the type. You go out, you have fun, but you are still dating, or at least allowing yourself the possibility of dating other guys. So you don’t get too involved, and you let them know you are still in circulation. And they, good sports that they are, try harder and harder to get you out of circulation.

Of course the moment, you think “hmmm, this guy and I could possibly be great together” they know what you are thinking and split! This always seems to happen to me after I have had what I would consider a Perfect Date. It could be a Perfect dinner, or a Perfect party or a Perfect late night date/ early morning time. But as soon as I think that little phrase, I never hear from them again.

For guys, this makes perfect sense. I had the following conversation with a guy friend of mine.

Me – Why is it that every time I have a perfect date – and I know the guy had a great time because they don’t want me to go, and things were great. Why is it that I never hear from them again?”

K- Oh that’s easy. They had too good of a time. And so they think that you had too good of a time. Which means that you would want a commitment. So they don’t call back.

Me- But I don’t want a commitment! And in one instance I was very clear about that.

K – Yeah but girls say that all the time, and then change their mind.

Me – True.

But honestly, only a man would think it completely logical that because they had a great time, they should never call again. What do they say to themselves? “Oh that was good – let’s stop now before I have a truly fantastic mind blowing time, and could possibly have a great to fabulous time for a long time to come.”

I guess this would explain the difference between men and women. Although my friend has a point. I do sometimes say, in all honesty that I don’t want a commitment. But then, when things are going well, I start to rethink my position. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Commitment Phobic men have a highly tuned sense of women thinking about anything more permanent than the current status quo and split.

To all those Commitment Phobic men, can I just point out that this behavior does not get you the one thing you really want (Sex) anytime soon.

My Devina

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Comments (2)

Hi! I have been keeping up with your page for a while and I love the new look. I’m 25 and I am loving this time of being single and sassy. And similar to the cute scene in “The Incredibles”, I’m not settling, but rather waiting for something amazing! 🙂 I understand the presented male mindset, but it seems like a waste of a good thing that I feel these men will eventually long for later when their game-playing days are over. I’ve never really been surprised when I saw this phobia in guys in their 20’s who were clearly not mature enough, but when I dated guys in their mid-thirties with this type of phobia, it was just plain sad and I was the one not calling back. Haha.

Hi Kim! Thank you for noticing the changes to the site. I really appreciate that! : )
Good for you! The right, amazing man is out there! Sometimes maybe he’s just not ready yet for us yet. But he will be, and that’s all that matters in the end. Plus, enjoying the now – I’m a big proponent of that – so I’m glad you are loving being single at the movement. : ) And good for you for not calling back men who are too stuck on keeping their baggage than allowing themselves to experience the joys of a real relationship!
I was really saddened by this discovery too. I mentioned that I was posting a blog about commitment phobic men to my boyfriend – and he jokingly said “Isn’t that all men?” So even men apparently are aware of their fickle, funny ways.

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