The New York City Wine & Food Festival kicked off Thursday with a roast of everyone's favorite agitator-chef, Anthony Bourdain. The roast proves, well, what you already suspected: Some people think Bourdain is pretentious, and everyone still hates Guy Fieri (to such a degree that he wondered aloud why he was even invited). "It was like a prolonged and painful medical procedure," Bourdain told MSNBC this morning. According to him, Bonnie McFarlane won the night: "It was scorched earth. It wasn't just me. She took everybody down." The for-charity event, hosted by Mario Batali and Willie Geist, sold out at $400 a ticket, Michael White's enticing four-course menu included. The Huffington Post has a helpful list of selected punchlines, along with a blurry photo of a porn Bourdain used to illustrate what Guy Fieri's new restaurant looks like, proving once again that good taste does not become him. Here, our humble nominations for best lines of the night:

"Guy Fieri's hair is the front lawn to hell." —Willie Geist

"Why the fk did you invite me?" —Guy Fieri

"Mario, you are a great chef, but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini." —Jim Norton