I was 11 years-old when Michigan last won a national championship, and since then they haven’t been very good. At least, not as good as everyone thought they had a right to be. They lost five games in 2005. They lost to Appalachian State last year when they were ranked third in the country, and I’d said before the season that their offense was better than anyone else’s. They lost to Toledo, Northwestern, and haven’t beaten OhioState in four years. Read what I’ve written over that span, and you’ll see that despite the frustration, there’s nothing but unwavering devotion. You tell me I only love Michigan less intensely because they’re bad, or unfulfilling, and you're either a liar or an idiot.

I wrote in September on this blog, “I’d rather lose and have a lifetime of players I love than win with a bunch of faceless cogs I don’t like or even feel indifferently about.” Losing does not matter to me nearly as much as it does to most people. It hurts, but more than anything it hurts because I know that the players I love had to endure that pain. I care about the players themselves, and I know winning matters to them. Chad Henne tried to play with a partially torn MCL and a right shoulder that basically wasn’t there; Mike Hart carried the ball 282 times when he was 18 years old and weighed only 194 pounds. Adrian Arrington woke up at five in the morning to run stairs for an hour, and I wake up 15 minutes before noon games and watch most of the first quarter in my bed. I’m sure the tattoo of the winged helmet on your shoulder looks fantastic, and it really is amazing that your daughter’s first word was Braylon. But those players committed far more to this than we have; pardon me for holding onto them a little too long.

People have this bizarre, ridiculously obsessive need to not only root for their favorite team exactly the same way regardless of the circumstances, but also to castigate anyone who roots somewhat differently than they do. It doesn’t give you more privileges if you can recite which high school every player went to, or if you watched every second of every game in person. It’s admirable, but it’s just a feat of strength. People say they love this Michigan team as much as they’ve loved any other, like it makes them an illegitimate fan if they don’t. Well that’s bullshit. You’re not telling the truth. And if you are, there’s something frighteningly wrong with that fact that you can like a player who you’ve known for 11 games as much as you could Jake Long. There’s no justice in that.

You like watching this Michigan team try to catch a kick (not return, simply catch) as much as you liked watching Steve Breaston do it? Maybe you’ve survived it, but you haven’t liked it. It has been miserable. And if admitting that fact and others like it make me less of a fan, if it means I should go fuck myself, or that I don’t deserve to celebrate a victory over Ohio State, then so be it.

I am a Michigan fan; I root for Michigan to defeat other teams. But ultimately, we are all rooting for the players on that team. For about 50 games, we rooted for a team that was led by Chad Henne and Mike Hart. We relied on them, and aside from the defense in 2006, we relied mostly on them alone. They were iconic. They defined Michigan for four years as much as this mystical “Tradition” that seems to transcend everything. But in the first game of this season, Michigan started Nick Sheridan, Sam McGuffie, Darryl Stonum, and Martavious Odoms. None of these players had ever played a down for Michigan before in their lives. I never counted on them for anything. How is it at all possible, or even reasonable, for me to care about them as much as Mike Hart. If it seems like there's less emotional investment, it's because on some level there is. It's not intentional.

The coaches don’t talk the same way, the offense lines up in formations I’m not used to, and I don’t know who most of these players are. I’m sorry that I don’t. I’m not predisposed to disliking them, or the spread, or Rich Rodriguez, just because they are different. But it does take more than a season to know how I feel.

Addressing some specific points of yesterday’s post:

When I wrote bitterly about Sam McGuffie pulling himself out of Saturday’s game, I was unaware that someone in his family had died. Had I known that, I certainly wouldn’t have written it. His own position coach reported that he decided not to play because he was too hurt, so I had no reason to think otherwise. Even so, it was insensitive, and I apologize for saying it. However, my criticism of his running still stands. In high school, his blocks on defensive ends and blitzing linebackers were glorified summersaults at their legs. I heard there was something wrong with his shoulder that game, but he’s been blocking that way since he got to Michigan. He seems less hesitant to unleash his speed on those wheel plays, and I think he’s been the most instinctual kick returner besides Odoms, but he’s overmatched at running back.

In his post, Dex wrote: “It's likely, extremely likely, that these seniors will leave with another loss to OhioState. So those of you… who launch mis-guided, pretentious, faux-literary, never bothered to lace up a cleat in your life, whiny, overly-romantic, over-rated diatribes about the present not being the same as the past; you can all feel free to watch something else. Maybe you can put in your 100th game DVD and masturbate through the tears until you feel good again.”

I think most of this is dead-on, and I actually really like their blog. But considering WLA cites Fire Joe Morgan as an inspiration, it’s strange that he would call my credibility into question simply because he thinks I’ve “never bothered to lace up a cleat in my life.”

Oh, and in case any ladies would be retroactively attracted to a timid backup quarterback, my career rushing totals for the Danbury Trojans were two carries for 16 yards and one touchdown. I also successfully handed the ball off several times in practice.

ShockFX’s second comment is pretty flawless, and in the body of this post I’ve responded to most of the concerns he mentions. I just wanted to acknowledge that I read it. Also, I want to mention that I have only written good things about Greg Matthews, Brandon Graham and obviously Grady. I am most impressed with Graham’s versatility, or the fact that he doesn’t rely simply on his speed and is comfortable playing on the interior. His guarantee against MichiganState was charming, in the sense that he knew something had to be done, and thought of the most compelling thing he could. It lost some of its clout though because Mike had just done it the year before, and he basically conceded that the whole thing had been premeditated. Plus, the defense didn’t seem unified enough to grasp the urgency of what he was saying. Don’t forget, up until the Minnesota game they were still trying to convince the coaching staff to let them play with a four-man defensive line.

33 Comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Johnny. Those of us that have known you since your first Michigan game and were there at your first trip to the big house would never question your loyalty to Michigan. Passion is a double-edged sword. Sometimes it results in yesterday's blog. More often it results in those that bring me to tears. Ignore the comments of those who's responses are limited to profanity and two syllable words.

This really seems like you're rationalizing. Your argument, basically, boils down to the fact that you're rooting for the players, not the uniforms - fair enough.

But, you claim to have been a Michigan fan since you were 11. I'm going to assume you're old enough that this means you watched the reign of power go from Bo to Gary to Lloyd. You've seen the Quarterback go from Grbac, to Collins, to Dreisbach, to Griese, to Brady, to Henson, to Navarre, to Henne. Presumably, you support hasn't waivered during these times, as you're still writing a Michigan football blog. To claim to be a fan of a sport like college football, where players often flit on and off your conciousness in two years and simultaneously peddle a "I don't like change" argument strikes me as absurd.

We all loved Mike, Chad, and Braylon. The fact that they were 4 year (and 3 year) starters gave them a sense of permanence that most college football players don't give us.

But, you've managed to hang with this team through ALL the change I've mentioned - but now you're struggling. Why is that? Is it the fact that you don't know the new players (a fact you've dealt with countless times in the past) or the fact that the new players are losing?

Watching them lose is hard, I admit that. But I'd be lying if I told you that watching Steven Threet play through 2 injured elbows and still dive head-first for extra yardage after his team has been eliminated from bowl contention didn't make me pround to call him a fellow Wolverine. He may not be good - but it is something to admire.

So, I won't begrudge you cheering if this team somehow beats OSU. I will, wonder, why. You've said that you don't know this team, and as such, don't like them as much. So what are you cheering if they win? A bunch of players you don't care for? Or a bunch of players you feel OK cheering for because they just beat OSU?

tay odoms and sam mcguffie are 6'1, 195 pounds stapled together, but have carried the offense at times this year.

mike martin is setting his bar so high that anything less than sapp like dominance will be a disappointment to the neanderthals in the stands

steve threet has repeatedly hurdled himself into defenders with an old country buffett lineup of injuries while running his third offense in three years with a third coach

nick sheridan is a walk-on who has been thrust into the starting QB spot for Michigan.

it's not like chad and mike materialized into their senior selves immediately upon stepping on the field in 04. did it take three years to warm up to them, too? or was it because they won the Big 10 their freshman year that they become heroes?

and what's with this "the seniors i knew" -- did you go to class with them? hang out in south quad together their first couple of years? give me a break. you knew them from sound bites and watching them play football on saturdays (from your bed, no less). root for THE TEAM THE TEAM THE TEAM (and then you can cheer on individuals and adopt your favorites and say you "know" them)

A season like this brings out emotions of all sorts. People cope differently. Johnny wears his emotions on his sleeve and actually writes what he's thinking and then posts it on a blog for all to see.

I attended UM from 1994-1999 and attended dozens of football and basketball games (as well as a couple hockey, women's tennis, and even women's golf). I LOVE my alma mater. I love its teams. But I don't feel as invested in this particular team. Perhaps it's because my second daughter was recently born. Maybe it's because I started a Saturday MBA program in September and, as such, missed several games. Maybe I'm just growing up and realizing that a win or loss shouldn't dictate my mood for the week, or even a day.

Regardless, I've been a fan since I stepped on campus to visit the school during my senior year of high school and you have no right to tell me otherwise.

And for the record, chitownblue, Johnny said he was 11 when Michigan won their last national championship and he first became truly aware of the team. In 1997. Doubtful that he recalls the Bo-Gary-Lloyd transitions well, if at all.

I had in my head that Johnny was older. Whatever, my point largely stands.

If he's the 22/23 he seems, then I sort of get it - you feel differently about the players that were there at the same time as you.

I mean, I didn't really KNOW any of the 1996 - 2000 Wolverines very well - I legitimately knew Clarence Williams, and I knew Dhani Jones well enough that he recognized who I was, as a result of having a common friend.

But, by being on campus, I had David Terrell playing beer-pong in my backyard, and had Tom Brady cutting across our backyard to go to class - waving everytime he saw us on our porch. I didn't know these guys, and there IS a certain degree if familiarity that you won't get by not being a student.

But still, it's college football, and players and rosters change absurdly frequently. If you have been a fan of Michigan for 11 years, you've dealt with roster turnover before. In 2004, we had a starting HB and starting QB we had never seen before - why wasn't that discouraging?

Most certainly, Johnny is entitled "to wear his emotions on his sleeve," but when those sentiments are unfair, stereotypical, and ugly I will call a foul. Coming down hard on an 18-yr old kid just because he's not tough enough for you or can't break as many tackles as you'd like or expect? And the cheap-shot-analogy at RR's cultural background? Those were lame, uncalled for, and went beyond simply being depressed or emotional. They SEEMED to expose some character flaws, such as prejudice. What if RR were black and that same type of cultural analogy were made? There would've been some fireworks around here.I hope and believe that Johnny is better than that.

What does it say that I did not at all connect the "So those of you… who launch" part to your post? I was thinking more along the lines of the MSM and some of the MGB diaries I guess? I dn. Whatever the case and whatever it's worth, I definitely don't buy the description if it's aimed at RBUAS.

I read your post yesterday as you coping, if not very well. These debates about how to best be a fan that necessarily come about when shit like this happens have been very interesting. This fandom stuff is pretty bizarre. Brian's post outlines that thoroughly and he's long had that theme in mind for his writing. If this is how it feels to you, this is your expression of fandom. How the hell else are you supposed to feel? Unless you're one of the mouth breathing dickwads with nearly cogent prose, odds are you're thoughtful enough to avoid any kind of moral judgment for on field failings. That's why the McGuffie thing bothered me. It seemed like you were calling into question his moral standing.

In any case, I'm glad your response was to write more and not less. No reason to slink away when the vast majority of your shit is great.

I don't understand these two posts by Johnny. He's nostalgic for Mike, Chad, Jake, and especially Lloyd...but they're not walking through that door, Johnny. Ever. So where are we going here?

Just because he can't feel as strongly for the new guys as he did with the old guys (YET!!!) doesn't mean he should endlessly slobber on the old guys. It's college football- guys come and go, and the fans should move on.

Remembering past players fondly is not wrong. Many do the same with Bo and Lloyd. But to sacrifice the present in order to cling to the past is a disservice to yourself, because the devotion is directed only to the past, as opposed to being rooted in the past and carried over to the present and future. When the post ends by saying that the feelings towards the coaches and the players are unknown, then it demonstrates wavering devotion towards the present and future, even if the devotion was unwavering in the past.

When the post, and the blog as a whole, demonstrates a finding of fulfillment in past players, but compares the present players to "faceless cogs I don't like or even feel indifferently about" then, yes, it demonstrates loving Michigan less intently because they do not provide as much fulfillment as before.

When the post censures people for loving this Michigan team as much as any other and calls them liars simply because the players are more unfamiliar than in the past, it demonstrates apathy towards all the players that were on this team last year and are still here this year. Nevermind that this team returned Trent, Mathews, Graham, Mesko, Grady, Minor, Shilling, Warren, Brown or any of a number of players, and that fans could possibly have a connection with them similar to those that are gone. But their names aren’t Hart, Henne or Long, are they?

You get uppity about a perceived insistence on homogenous rooting, yet call into question the devotion of other fans because they do not look at the team the same way you do. Don't be surprised to see others do the same to you.

I'm with johnny. All of this is foreign. It takes some time to get used to. Especially if your U of M maturation ocurred during the tenure of Henne, Hart, Long, and company.His read on McGuffie, although it came at an unfortunate time given the circumstances, is dead on.Keep writing, it's your talent.

Very few people here are not telling someone else how he should feel. Johnny doesn't react to winning and great success like you, or to losing in various shades of ugly. That is why we all come here in the first place.

When Michigan was winning, you found it beautiful and poetic. Now, when they are losing, you find it offensive and pretentious, and its all of a sudden about masturbation to the past? At least half of the amazing work posted here is nostalgic! Its just the current state of our football team and your own emotional condition before you got here that has changed.

No matter how tough Threet and McGuffie are, there has been no steeping, no time to love them for what they are and no prolific moments like the '04 MSU game to crystalize something new. Its been almost all ugly, and its fine. Its going to get much better soon, but how can you really tell someone they are feeling the wrong way?

Let another guy who is totally different than you be who he is. Its very easy.

Twice it's been implied that Johnny is a racist or making references to RR's "cultural background". I've read Johnny's original post several times. Will someone please enlighten me as to what they think is racist or a knock on anyone's culture.

"No matter how tough Threet and McGuffie are, there has been no steeping, no time to love them for what they are and no prolific moments like the '04 MSU game to crystalize something new."

'08 Wisconsin. And Johnny, please keep writing, even if it takes time, but try to get to learn about the new players. It's hard to find good things in this year, but start with Threet's face after throwing a touchdown to Hemingway against Utah. I think, once you shift your vantage point, you'll find Henne playing through injury in Threet, Graham channeling Hart, and yes, maybe a bit of Jake Long in McGuffie.

Some of the reactions to these posts have been unbelievable, but I guess addressing or correcting them just compounds the rancidness that has infected this fanbase.

For whatever it's worth, I'm with you, Johnny. I was 21 when Michigan won the national championship, and the regime change has by far been the toughest period in my life as a sports fan, in ways that have nothing to do with wins and losses. Everything about it feels foreign and gratuitous. I keep waiting for the old feeling to kick in, and I get nothing. It's a phantom limb now. I don't think that's a product of not loving Michigan or failing to accept adulthood. I flew down to Orlando last December, convinced that Michigan was about to get pulverized but wanting to be a part of the closing scene, even if it was miserable. Forty years have been jettisoned for whatever opaque reason, and whether you want to attribute it to necessary modernization or administrative desperation, it's a miserable feeling.

WLA is a douche-bag. "He's played ball so he knows what he's talking about." He probably just warmed the bench. People who like to bring up their "ball playing days" usually warmed the bench. He probably still "laces up his cleats" everyday, just to wear around the house. Like I said: douche-bag.

Anon @ 12:57,The WLA is a collective group of douchebags, not just one.

I don't see why it matters how Johnny, Dex, Chitown, Brian or anyone else feels about this. That's not something that is right or wrong. If Johnny is not attached to this team fine, lets not try to force someone to "feel" a certain way. It's kind of creepy. He backed off of the McGuff comments and if he wants to live in the past, who's to say that's wrong or right? God is the only one. And since God hates Michigan Football, I doubt he's too involved in this whole process.

Johnny, I must say that you must not take losing a significant other very well. You must pine for her and say that you'll never find someone as good as her and basically just give up all hope and cry in the corner.

Seriously people leave our lives our friends, family, pets, and football players we never really knew will ALL leave us. It is great to remember them and the great times that you had with them but you can't dwell on the past. You have to push through to make new memories.

Yes it's been hard to compare this year to other years. Yes it's been hard to find joy this year BUT and this is a big but to me. This team was not supposed to be good. This isn't my freshman year in 03 where we were supposed to be world beaters and AHHH punt formation... Or last year where we are #3 have the best offense in the nation and lose to ap state...

Sure I have great memories of the previous regime... but I also have a lot of shitty ones and THAT IS WHY THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN.

All of you people can say "we should have never lost to Toledo at home", yeah well we should have never lost to Ap State at home with the #3 team in the nation with a senior laden team.

I've loved Michigan since I was a little kid, I liked the colors we watched them on tv it was awesome. When I applied to colleges I thought about going out of state but knew that Michigan was much cheaper and I knew that rooting for anyone else would be wrong even if they were better in what I thought I wanted to do.

If you can't root for this team now and give it your all every saturday, or if you just feel like giving up on them don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

I was seven the last time Michigan finished a perfect season. I was in the stands at every home game this year. I stayed at Northwestern when all my buddies had left. I stayed not because I am a self-righteous prick who feels he is better than other fans. I stayed because of the fact that one-hundred plus winged helmets came charging out of the tunnel. In those helmets I saw Chad Henne, and Mike Hart, and Charles Woodson, and Dhani Jones, and Sword, and Gold, and Bo, and Lloyd..."the past isn't dead--it isn't even past"--Faulkner. I am the same faux-literary Michigan football romantic who is in tears when listening to Ufer's final call of the '79 homecoming game. McGuffie is a freshman like me, I don't understand your frustration. Watching them on TV sucks, and you lose all the emotion of the crowds and bands. I am learning about the players each and every time I watch them. Whenever I see Odoms field a punt, I see Desmond Howard. Every time Donovan Warren strolls onto the field, I see the swagger of my favorite player of all time--Charles woodson. The team is always there...and the ghosts of Woodson, and Hart, and Henne, and Long, and Howard, and Lloyd, and Bo can still be seen on the field.

I was seven the last time Michigan finished a perfect season. I was in the stands at every home game this year. I stayed at Northwestern when all my buddies had left. I stayed not because I am a self-righteous prick who feels he is better than other fans. I stayed because of the fact that one-hundred plus winged helmets came charging out of the tunnel. In those helmets I saw Chad Henne, and Mike Hart, and Charles Woodson, and Dhani Jones, and Sword, and Gold, and Bo, and Lloyd..."the past isn't dead--it isn't even past"--Faulkner. I am the same faux-literary Michigan football romantic who is in tears when listening to Ufer's final call of the '79 homecoming game. McGuffie is a freshman like me, I don't understand your frustration. Watching them on TV sucks, and you lose all the emotion of the crowds and bands. I am learning about the players each and every time I watch them. Whenever I see Odoms field a punt, I see Desmond Howard. Every time Donovan Warren strolls onto the field, I see the swagger of my favorite player of all time--Charles woodson. The team is always there...and the ghosts of Woodson, and Hart, and Henne, and Long, and Howard, and Lloyd, and Bo can still be seen on the field.

I am probably at bit older than most of you. I'm 37. When I was a freshman in 1989: Nick Sheridan and Sam McGuffie had not been born Bo was still the coach, Elvis was starting as a freshman and Bo kicked twice to the Rocket. (I still can't believe he did that even though I saw it live!) I was in the student section for Desmond's catch, and his pose. I will always feel a connection to the guys who played when I too was an undergrad. I had a class with Elvis and saw Ricky Powers around campus. I knew were Derek Alexander like to get wings. The connection is that we were at the same point in our lives and at the same college at the same time. Then something happened. We all graduated. Others players came. They are still Michigan and I cheered for them just as loud. But the connection was not as strong. Your connection to Chad and Mike and Jake may be stronger b/c they are basically your peers. (I say "may" b/c I don't know you other than your blog.) I still have season tickets and certainly enjoyed watching Mike Hart, but he is closer to my kid's age than mine. (Yes, that does kinda hurt if you're wondering.) I agree that the change to these guys has been tougher. There are so many new faces we don't know. Plus they lost nine freaking games. I think that is pretty close to the number of loses I saw in all four years I was an undergrad. I really am not a fan of Rich Rod. But I beleive that we will all grow to love these players b/c they are Michigan and we are fans. Period. Just don't expect to have the same level of attachment as you do to Chad, Mike Jake and their gang. They will always be special to you same way that Desmond, Elvis, Schrepenak (sp?) are special to me. The newer guys aren't any worse and no less "Michigan Men" - they just are not as special to me. Hope this makes sense.

Johnny - keep writing, and don't let the self-righteous fools at WLA get to you. If you're struggling with the team, so be it. A lot of us are. It's great that Chitownblue "won't begrudge you" for cheering for the team if they beat Ohio State. What Chitown and Dex and the rest of those guys don't understand is that it doesn't fucking matter whether or not they approve of the way you feel about the team (though feel free to keep standing there with your whip, Chitownblue). They aren't the gatekeepers of Michigan fandom. They're a few marginal bloggers whose talent does not compare to yours who for some reason have opinions of themselves that are far too high.

You aren't shitting on the individual players (which I find despicable), you're expressing your frustration. And that's fine. I know you're a Michigan fan, so I don't have to tell you that you shouldn't go anywhere, but don't. This team will be back. You know it. We all do.

1) People don't seem to realize Johnny is not surrendering support. He has different emotions about different players. Who doesn't?

2) Dex has no business telling Johnny to be considerate of current players.Dex wrote this insulting garbage about Kevin Grady: http://www.mgoblog.com/diaries/kevin-gradys-big-adventure-part-iGrady made a mistake, Dex decided to a) turn it into a script for a short film and b) submit it to the most visible of Michigan blogs.And hypocrisy aside, it was plain stupid, not even funny. Something a 12-year old would write.

3) Brian Cook and Johnny have pumped out the most remarkable content i've seen regarding Michigan football, far surpassing the hack-jobs done on other blogs, the News and the Free Press.

It is shameful that learned beneficiaries of our great university (i'm assuming), as well as this thing we call free speech, found it constructive and/or enlightening to irrationally attack one man's (un-inflammatory) creative expression of the state of his - AND HIS ALONE - fandom. Condemnation of factually unfounded accusations (ala Brian's fisks of Carty, et al) or arguably destructive/embarassing/hypocritical public "fan" behavior ...critique to your hearts content. But there was nothing of the sort in RBUAS' thoughts on the season, nor was there any proselytizing of his fandom on the audience. This "you dont think/feel the same as me, ergo i take offense and must berate you" attitude is unbecoming a Michigan grad (i assume). It is particulary ironic that it was one person's nostalgia for past excellence that was attacked, when over 100 years of such excellence is what we speak of when we (and WLA) proudly proclaim our "tradition". Ah well. Personally, I enjoy RBUAS' heartfelt and imaginative posts. A welcome, prosaic change from the fairly unobservant "suck it up, people, we shall overcome" diatribes...to which my reaction is No. Shit. Sherlock. It matters not that I now feel less informed/entertained by the WLA posts. It does matter that we've descended to supressing inocuous opinion. s/ufools

The WLA sucks. They roam around Michigan message boards and blogs passing judgment on anyone who disagrees with them like some kind of weird high school clique. If Johnny feels disconnected from this team, then whatever. No one else should be telling him not to write about it. I appreciate the writing on RBUAS (but not as much as mgoblog...had to be said) and wish there were more blogs like this one that post something more than just rumors and/or crap.