Friday, January 3, 2014

The Alan Rickman

2014 is here but the memories of Christmas 2013 are still ripe in my mind. It was a time for beards, beers, booze and cheers...and twenty-four straight hours of A Christmas Story on repeat for some awful reason...

Someone get the big guy a twinkie.

One my favorite movies to watch during the holiday season is an inspiring film of a lovably stubborn man's attempt to reignite the passionate relationship he once had with his wife by travelling all the way from New York to Los Angeles. That feel-good family Christmas film of course is Die Hard.While starring Bruce Willis as himself, the cop from Family Matters as a cop again, and that red-headed jackass from Ghostbusters, the film also introduced many people to this man's facial hair...

The Many Faces of Alan Rickman.
For more faces that aren't Alan Rickman, go to ManyFacesOf.com
I'm serious, that's actually a website

Fig. A

"You want me to put the gun...where?"

The films that are in fact not legitimate porn, Girls on Top, Quigley Down Under, and Truly Madly Deeply, could still be considered mustache porn. Standing beside erotica-stached co-star Tom Selleck [Fig. A], Alan Rickman brandished a confident lip carpet for the Australian western Quigley Down Under. Sharing screen-time with Kevin Costner's magnificent British accent, he sported a more dastardly do for the nefarious Sheriff of Nottingham in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. In this film we learned that not only does a man with a beard have the authority to cancel Christmas, but that a spoon is an effectively painful heart-carving tool.

"Because it's dull you twit!"

It was 1988's Die Hard that gave movie-goers one of the greatest love-to-hate film antagonists of all time in the form of Hans Gruber, a bearded thief disguised as a terrorist with a penchant for counting to three. He spends most of the film managing to underestimate Bruce Willis' ability to out-Bruce-Willis himself and this eventually leads to Hans Gruber's frustration and unfortunate failure. Up until that point, however, it's one hell of an explosive ride chock full of quotes like "Karl, shoot the glass" and "Now I have a machine gun - ho, ho, ho."

"Ho, ho...ho."

While it could be as easy and effective to replicate with a red marker and a cheap white shirt, you can actually purchase clothing online inspired by that scene.

Often cast in roles of a more shady or downright evil nature, Alan Rickman is also well known for his unique diction, vocal quality and tone displayed in the clip above and the Family Guy sketch below.

The sound emanating from betwixt Alan Rickman's mouth curtain has been the source of comedic parody for decades. Below you can find a behind-the-scenes clip of Tom Hiddleston, an actor known for looking insanely attractive while crying as well as his impressive impressions, dressed as Loki Odinson channeling Alan Rickman's Hans Gruber while filming on the set of The Avengers.

While Tom Hiddleston's British brogue benefits his impression, one can achieve an Alan Rickman-esque tone of voice simply by continuing to talkinstead of trying to swallow while having a piece of food lodged in the back of their throat.

While folks may be more familiar with his disdainfully darker characters, it hasn't all been tales of toad-tone-voiced villains for Alan Rickman. From the ironic angel Metatron in Dogma to the delightful Spock rip-off Alexander Dane of Galaxy Quest or the lovably depressed Marvin from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, he has shown us a range of skill unparalleled in the acting craft. Through roles of life or death, alien or actor, man or narcissistic robot, this oftentimes clean-shaven thespian is one of those guys that's so damn cool he frankly doesn't need a mustache. That said, Severus Snape would have looked pretty bitchin' with a beard.

"For myself and a few select members of staff, this news comes as little surprise."

Happy New Year everyone! Put down the razors, raise your glasses, and enjoy this crazy YouTube video I found. It's a tribute to Alan Rickman's mustache.

Remember, in the case of facial hair, there's always someone out there crazier than you.