just pulled this off the wikipedia, worth a laugh.

Forums:

Soon to sign for West Ham[edit]
Will be unveiled as a deadline day signing for West Ham United in England. As he steps off the bench to come on for his debut against Huddersfield Slaven Bilic will ask him where he wants to play. He'll say up front and Bilic will play him at Right Back, a decision the player will later say ruined his career. Upon coming onto the field, he will remove his mask to reveal he is actually Carlton Cole....and the West Ham fans will go mental. Always believe. Tottenham Hotspur will soon after place a bid for him in the region of £30 million. Then Slaven will whisper sweet words of goodbye as Carlton (formerly known as Abdul) pops into a taxi to White Hart Lane

we're linked with him on sky sports news. must say this is worrying. Sakho out for 9 mill and a journeyman to replace him who can't get into the ghana team ahead of 52 year old Asamoah Gyan…..whats more he's from the north of Ghana, so his 25 years of age is actually 63. why do we even take a look at this sort of crap.

dont you realise we could never of afforded this kind of player until we moved into our iconic world class state of art athlet errr event stadi errr cricket aren errrr football stadium with classy scaffold seating..shame on you all for mocking this great club

What a bunch of moany old farts! have any of you even seen him play or is this keita balde all over again? Made me p@$$ myself laughing when every one was slaging him off as a shite player another zaza calleri just because they had no idea who he was... did u know payet before he came?? So what if asomoah gyan plays infornt of him the blokes a Ghanaian legend to them, don't know where u plucked his a journeyman from, and his never played in the French second division lol I really don't see why we have to be so negative and slate players we've never seen or know next to nothing about.

As for cant score French league 1 is the highest level his played at and his stats are 29 goals 11 assist in 67 (5) appearances, not bad if u ask me. Not saying his going to set the world alight and he is a bit of a short ass but come on guys at least give the bloke a chance

but is our track record good for signing these sort of bargain basement foreign based players? i think the list of failures is pretty well known, this guys record isn't up to much at all. based on the news that sakho looks like he's going (well depending on who you ask), then this guy is nowhere near a good replacement.

Our record full stop isn't great haha! But we don't do too bad with bargains the last 2 cheapish French players I can remember us buying were 2 I never knew, payet and diafra sakho (a second div player :P) tho I'd like to drop him from a very high hight, both had huge impacts when they signed. Not a good record? how many goals does he have to score I think his record is pretty good especially considering his a winger/forward so probably gets pushed wide through out a season. He plays games so yes his already a good replacement for sakho (2 starts 2sub appearances last season) lol not that it matters because I think we are interested in him more as a snod/fegouli replacement

Haha what a cop out. You completely won me around with your sound argument dicks, and u caught me I clearly said he is going to be our best performer so I'll gladly give a full explanation when it goes tits up. Quick question though .. Will I have to use facts logic reason or anything like that to explain or can I just make downer comments bassed on nothing at all then cop out aswell?

I get what your saying but calling him a second division player is misleading and imply's that's his level. If Tottenha were to go down (I can dream lol) and Harry Kane doesn't play because his waiting for his transfer to west ham ;P would you describe him as a championship player?

Ok true I mentioned the second div thing, but I wasn't really trying to portray him as such. My whole post was just a tongue cheek p1ss take as I mentioned in another post. Just a way to cope with how much mess the club has been in 2018.

I get you red, and I do try not to dig people out on specific comments (other than dicks because he always refuse to have a reasoned argument with me and cops out, I miss the bloke who used to have his user name and would post 'we're going to destroy them!' every game and make arguments with some substance) I'm just feeling the frustration too, even the glimmers of hope i.e new players seem to get s#@t on before they've even signed.
So much for they reach the sky, of recent the fans are popping the bubbles as there blown!