Dumbass Pages

Friday, November 30, 2012

Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

A couple of years ago, I started a feature on Dumbass News called Dumbass Newspaper Headlines. DNH was so popular that I decided to make them a regular part of the blog.

Last night I was considering writing a new post of Dumbass Newspaper Headlines, when all of the sudden I thought about a little blurb I saw in a small town Texas newspaper about twenty years ago. This long ago and faraway memory got me to thinking that newspapers have some pretty damn funny stuff in them besides the stoopid headlines. Of course, there's the occasional typo that completely alters the intended meaning of a sentence, but there is also another very important part of a newspaper that can provide an unintentional belly laugh - the classified ads!

With this in mind, I used my Fearless Leader Google Fu and came upon some damn funny classifieds floating around the ether. AmIageniusorwhat?

So, Fellow Dumbasses, without further ado, I present to you the Very First Edition of Dumbass Newspaper Classified Ads!

Keep in mind that these are actual ads run in actual newspapers all across the country.

The Ads
Dammit! I was looking for a used tombstone that said"Smith".
--------------------------------------------------------------

Winter time can be awful lonely in Boise.
---------------------------------------------------

I want some of what this guy's smokin'.
--------------------------------------------------

Well that narrows down the search!
----------------------------------------------------

Throw in a young stripper and it's a deal.
---------------------------------------------------------

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
--------------------------------------------
Just in case you are ever chased by a dog in a foreign country. Or a foreign dog for that matter.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------