Saturday, 28 September 2013

On The Subject Of TV Boyfriends

I am between TV boyfriends at the moment.

A nice aspect to being happily married is that you can enjoy looking at Handsome Men without having to worry about ever actually meeting them and therefore discovering their bad points and so feeling Let Down by them.

There are a number of possible candidates for my new TV Boyfriend, but I can't choose between them so I thought I would post them here and garner your responses.

M currently has the local Weather Girl for his TV girlfriend, something I consider totally inappropriate because he might one day bump into her for heaven's sake and that is entirely against the rules. And he gets to see her most evenings on tele as well which I think is A Bit Much. The whole point of a TV boy or girlfriend is that they are so remote that the chances of you ever actually meeting them are a zillion to one, so you can safely Admire Them From Afar. They also should not, under any circumstance, be cleverer or more attractive than your own dear hubby or wifey, for obvious reasons. Ma went through a Rufus Sewell phase (he even sent her a birthday card, although it had a picture of himself on the front which I thought was a tad narcissistic). He was A Perfect Choice, because there was no hope of them ever meeting and her being embarrassed or let down as a result.

Anyway, here is my short-list (I've knocked Damian Lewis off by the way because he was my TV boyfriend last year and it's Time For A New One, so don't suggest him, and I decided against Robert Peston in the end because while I love his presenting style and admire his brains, he is a bit too kooky).

1. Michael Fassbender

(An unfortunate name, but as I'll never have to worry about marrying him I don't think we need concern ourselves overly with that aspect of things)

2. Jason Isaacs

(VERY scary as Lucius Malfoy, but gorgeous in The State Within)

3. Hugh Laurie

(What a Surprise he was in House. No sign of the goofy Prince George or Bertie Wooster about him then)

4. Cillian Murphy

(Currently to be seen strutting his enigmatic stuff in Peaky Blinders, which I find myself increasingly glued to. It's those eyes...)

5. Max Brown

(I first noticed him in the Tudors after which he moved to Spooks)

Now, I think this is a reasonable selection of Handsome Men, any one of which would be suitable TV boyfriend material. As you all know me Quite Well by now I trust you to Give Me Some Sound Advice. Be tough in your critiques and honest in your appraisals. I don't want to choose one of them only to discover he has three ears, or eats live rats when the moon is full, or something ghastly like that, which I would certainly Live To Regret.

Bear in mind that this is an Annual Position for the Right TV Personality, so the new TVBF has to be capable of lasting until this time next year.

M has helpfully suggested a TV Weather Man, but I think this is probably largely to justify his own choice of TV Girlfriend, and besides, I don't think there are any Handsome Weather Men out there are there? L suggested "one of the hunky dancers off Strictly," which was a deal more helpful as a suggestion, J looked at me as if I was mad and F kept his head down.

But I think my five Possible Candidates are enough, don't you? I am prepared to bend the rules if any of you can suggest someone to add to the list that you think would fulfill the criteria (easy on the eye, remote so I'll never meet him and be forced to blush, and not as clever as my husband, who is Pretty Clever as these things go).

Have a lovely evening all, and Let Me Know Your Thoughts because I need to have a new one in place by the end of the weekend if at all possible, to combat M's smugness every time his TVGF appears on screen talking cleverly about the weather and wearing a dress that makes it clear she's off to some fancy party serving champers and canapes afterwards. I need some ammo of my own to retaliate with.

18 comments:

Cillian? Really??? Come on now, woman - get a grip. 'This is my TV husband, Cillian...' People will only point and laugh.

Now, I have been giving this subject some thought, because as you know I like to weigh up all options on such serious matters. And I wondered if you might consider Richard Ayoade, aka Moss from the IT crowd. Cute as a poodle and if last night's last ever episode (booooo!) is anything to go, keeps a very clean set of underpants.

My own TV boyfriends (I cannot leave my Celebrity Husband Colin Firth so have been forced into the world of extra-marital liaisons, what a strumpet) include: Strictly's Anton du Beke for ballroom and James Jordan for Latin high kicks, Alexander Armstrong for intellectual capacity and intelligent wit, Martin Clunes as Doc Martin for medical attention and Lee Mack for a bit o' Northern rough. My Gay Best Friend is Will Young and my occasional show off date is Ewan McGregor. For cooking and carrot pulling, I have Hugh Fearnly Whittingstall. And that's about it, really. As you can see, I am not a one for beefcake. Humour all the way for me!

I hope you find these thoughts useful and feel free to move in on Richard Ayoade if you fancy - I once stalked him around the National Portrait Gallery, so I have to keep my distance because of a restraining order. Pity...

Now, I know him as Gadget Man which L enjoys watching. He is Jolly Funny, so if I am to be influenced by you and your enormous number of TV boyfriends I could include him under a separate heading entitled "TV Humorous Boyfriend", which is something I hadn't considered. Previously I have sought One TVBF to cover all eventualities, so this expansion is potentially a Good Thought. There are however two downsides- if I have more than one they could become tricky to manage, plus my husband is bound then to want his own harem which I don't think we want to encourage do we?

And what is funny about Cillian, Mrs? (apart from the name, which I believe is pronounced Kill Ian, which doesn't sound like a very nice instruction). Don't the eyes work their magic on you then? Is it just me? X

Robert Peston had to go; he is too patronising. Hugh is a good choice, although to be honest, you may have to fight off a globe's worth of men and women who are already in the throes of a TV relationship with him. I think you have to reconsider Strictly as a stomping ground as Saturday makes a good date night.

That's a good point about Saturday nights. I've got two Strictlys recorded waiting to be watched so shall dip into those this week and see if anyone catches me eye. I suppose it would be foolish to rush into a TV relationship without proper consideration, thereby running the risk of ending up with one you regret and go off after a fortnight :-)

Jason Isaacs is a good'n, intelligent, doesn't take himself too seriously and is happily married. Can't stand Cillian-he's freakish and looks like a total weirdo. What about Hugh Jackman?...he would be number 1 on my list, funny, intelligent soooo good looking. I think if you don't pick Jason, Hugh should be on the list....how could he not be CT?

Re: Cillian. I refer my learned friend to SeagullSuzie. Been trying to think all day of a nice way of putting the prosecution, but I guess sometimes you just have to say it out loud. Plus he has a name that makes him sound like the love child of Cilla Black and Fish from Marillion.

I'd forgotten Benedict. He IS a good choice, although perhaps not on telly often enough to count properly? I need someone who is sufficiently visible to compete with M's blasted weather girl.

Pasha is lovely, I remember him from last year, although I think he can be a bit fierce. Would that be a problem I wonder?

I did also think about Martin Shaw, although he is maybe too old. My claim to fame is that we met him once while walking to some standing stones on a remote Scottish hillside. He was charming, but M had absolutely no idea who he was and kept referring to him as "that nice old man we met on our walk". I was in stitches!

I was thinking of actors for your list - and then realised that they are all probably now a bit too old to be a TV boyfriend. I'm out of touch.I'm impressed by your Martin Shaw claim to fame - I know he champions animal welfare issues.I noticed Denise's mention of Fish from Marillion - a name I haven't heard for years. I danced with him once but didn't know who it was at the time (didn't have contact lenses in) My friends thought it was hilarious.

That's a brilliant Fish story. Love the idea of you dancing away none the wiser! I had something similar happen years ago with a very arrogant and famous footballer in a nightclub in Manchester. He clearly thought he was all that, and had the nerve to look me up and down. I had absolutely no idea who he was but got very grumpy about the whole "women as objects who should fall at my feet" impression he gave, so I ignored him and started talking to someone else. My friends who did know who he was thought it was hysterical. I thought afterwards it might have been a lesson in humility for him, but sadly doubt it.

100 percent Hugh L. Attractive, can sing, play various instruments, is a fabulous actor (LOVE House!) and I think is probably a genuinely very nice guy! I presume then that none of the various wildlifey men have made the cut. Not Mike Dilger or maybe Gordon Buchanan???

Can't believe you met Martin Shaw - so envious!!!! I was going to suggest him too - definitely "hunk" material even if he is "getting on a bit" -lol!!! Hoping to see him in a play in October !!!Hate going into Birmingham City Centre but I suddenly feel the urge to walk round the square by the Rep theatre again :)

It was a rather lovely moment. He was very chatty, told us all about the Stones and their connection to ancient tribes in the area. I pretended I didn't know who he was because I wanted to have a "normal" conversation rather than a star-struck one, and of course this was helped along tremendously by M who genuinely had no idea who he was. He didn't believe me when I told him who we'd been talking to later either.The weird thing was that my step father then bumped into him a week later at a private airfield in Norfolk. It was our family Week Of Martin Shaw :-)

Thanks for the suggestion Suze but he doesn't do it for me- interesting how tastes all differ isn't it? I do however like Philip Glenister. Just been watching Life On Mars again and had forgotten quite how brilliant he is in it. And maybe John Simm too come to think of it?

About Me

A sometimes humorous record of my rural life in Hampshire, England, with a particular bias towards wildlife, the countryside and running and the odd dog, husband and child-related moment thrown in for good measure.