When thoughts get too much to keep in mind

I never want to be a God again

That moment when I had accepted the duty to human kind, the duty in which I had to hear them when they are dying, I regret it. At the moment it sounded perfect, interesting also to know why people do what they do, and now I regret it, I regret being a God. Yes, I am the death God, the God who sees you at your last moment. The God, that sees you in pain and suffering and the pure form of hopelessness. My duty is to listen your words of suffering. There are so many times when I feel like ending it for you, feel like helping you overcome it but alas I can’t. I have to just wait there, wait for you to deal with yourself and then take you with me.

I am like the mute God, the God who just listens, offers no suggestions, cures no evil. The only good part about what I am doing is that you never see me. The worst part is you don’t even feel my presence. It’s awfully painful for me, I hope I could tell you that I know how you feel, that I know it better than you because humans are dying since forever. At least your suffering ends, giving you a different life later on, a life with comparatively less pain and moments of joy. I don’t get that, I never do. I just want to ask you one thing though, why do you do what you do? why is it always to prove others, for others. I have seen you suffer not only in pain but also in heartbreaks and loneliness, why? Living for others is not your duty, its mine.

You are so lucky, you always get a choice, you get to smile, you get to live, you get to cry and all I get is a deep void of immortality. Your life is tough because you have everything in the world that you could possibly do and me, my life is easy, it started in pain and ends in it. Then why do you live for someone else? Why do you die for people who have their own life. Its sacrifice you say, but sacrifice is to keep the people you love safe. Its not a sacrifice when you do it to prove a point. I know it, you don’t and you have no idea how difficult it is for me to not tell you as if I have lost my voice, as if my lips are sewn. But not you, you have the power od words even if I have immortality.

I can trade that if you agree. I want to stop feeling pain so often, I want to do a lot of things and being a death God isn’t one of them. You worship me out o fear and I feel the fear too because I have to see you die in all forms. I want to leave it, I want my heart to start beating and my blood to flow. I never want to be a God again…