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I didn't like it, so sue me: The worst of OLTL 2013:
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A dastardly blackmail scheme and a sinister jail break were at the center of the action this past week as Spencer and Carlo acted as the masterminds behind two key storylines.

A dastardly blackmail scheme and a sinister jail break were at the center of the action this week on OLTL as Llanview Bad Boys Spencer and Carlo acted as the masterminds behind two key storylines. One story has generated heartbreak and mystery surrounding the reasons why David felt compelled by his brother Spencer to break off his impending nuptials to Dorian. The other plot has set the groundwork for a secret revelation that viewers have known for quite a long time---that Imposter Cristian is really THE Cristian in his honest-to-goodness own flesh and blood! With such drama and intrigue at every corner and turn this week, it was hard to catch a breath.

For weeks, Dorian has tried to keep herself as the center of attention as her wedding to David approached. Reminding her girls of what family is all about, Dorian took every opportunity to gather the Cramer women together for her bachelorette party or for making last minute wedding preparations. Not since Mel Hayes have I seen Dorian so deeply in love, genuinely, with another man. David complements Dorian in nearly every way. Not only is he sneaky, self-absorbed, and diabolical like she is, but he also has a tender and compassionate side that comes out in between the sarcastic one-liners he throws out. The love that David feels for Dorian only compounds the moral dilemma he has been thrust into because of his despicable blackmailing sibling.

It's become quite clear in recent weeks that Dorian has become quite the thorn in Spencer's side. A con man can't con the pro, and Dorian's been suspicious of Spencer for a while. So it comes as no surprise that Spencer wouldn't want his brother to marry the woman who has the potential to cause all sorts of problems. But to have David wait until Dorian elegantly paraded down the aisle in front of her friends and family to break up with her was simply cruel and unjust (not only to Dorian but also to viewers). I think this wedding was one of the most anticipated weddings in recent memory for this show. The coupling of David and Dorian has been a fan favorite for years, and it's ashame that this new character can come on board with secret agendas and foil a potentially memorable wedding.

Despite the crushing humiliation of being dumped at the altar, the scenes which followed the ugly break-up were riveting and must-see TV. Naturally when anything goes wrong in Dorian's life, she immediately finds her scapegoat named Victoria. Viki is always at the root of Dorian's misery (at least in her own eyes), and it comes as no surprise that Viki would somehow be implicated in the wedding that never took place. Knowing that Viki's life has already been turned upside down by the revelation that her daughter is suffering from multiple personalities, it was embarrassing to watch Dorian attack Viki about her absence from the wedding and how that somehow managed to affect David's decision not to marry her. But to see Viki blurt out of nowhere that Jessica has D.I.D. and then to see Dorian quietly just sit on the sofa and realize how selfish she has been was a grand moment for both of these characters and actresses. The rich history shared between Viki and Dorian is evident in every scene Robin Strasser and Erika Slezak play together. This one was no different; Strasser more than effectively conveyed Dorian's genuine humiliation at having just berated Viki for not being her Matron of Honor when Viki was really dealing with the mental health of her daughter. And so, with nobody else to blame and still lacking answers, Dorian quietly composed herself and walked out of the door...

...and as one door closed another burst open (literally) at the end of the week as the prison break started at Statesville Prison. This break has been hinted at for weeks, and Warden Hesser (oops, I mean inmate Hesser) has taken every precaution and thought of every angle to make sure this prision break would go off without a glitch. And as the clock ticked from 6:13 to 7:00, Carlo and his posse checked that guns and weapons were exactly in place to ensure an effective escape.

It's too bad that there weren't other notorious criminals from OLTL's past in Statesville. This would have been the perfect opportunity to revisit some Llanview history as the past baddies teamed together with Carlo to escape from the prison. But even if we are just treated to Hayes and Carlo, I'm satisfied. I swear, every time I see Carlo's ice cold eyes glaring off at someone with those arched eyebrows, I get the creeps. That man plays a villain like nobody else I've seen. The severity of the situation was definitely made clear as the real warden was shot and presumably killed as John stood right beside him. Setting this stage for an exciting and dangerous jail break gives the writers the perfect chance to place Cristian in danger while also allowing for Natalie to finally learn the truth that John has been keeping from her---the Cris she thinks is an imposter is really her husband! John just may find that the prison break is a cake walk compared to the fury he'll experience at the hands of a betrayed Natalie!

Now on to the other odds and ends that have been on my mind this week...

THUMBS UP!

1. I continue to rave about the casting of Jerry Ver Dorn as Clint! I am amazed at some of the similarities in regards to speech and mannerisms that Ver Dorn shares with Clint Ritchie. In particular, I'm growing particularly fond of the budding rapport that Clint is creating with Nash. I'm sure that Clint sees so much of himself in Nash who is utterly confused and alone in his comprehension of D.I.D. and how that impacts his relationship with Tess/Jess.

2. I'm glad that the writers chose to include some brief scenes with Evangeline at Nora's bedside. These two strong characters share such a phenomenal friendship, and it's touching that this isn't being ignored. To hear Evangeline utter that she feels guilty because she hasn't been by Nora's side the entire time she's been in the hospital was a nice tribute to the friendship they profess for one another. Further, to have Evangeline still talk about her problems as Nora's "spirit" answered her and offered her advice was a great relief from so much other anxiety and peril that is happening all over town.

3. I've always felt that Natalie just never "fit in" with the Buchanan clan. The Buchanans are notorious for sticking by their own during rain, sleet, or snow. I have just always sensed that Natalie was too consumed by her own personal drama that some of the family urgency that should have been there never was. So it was a great treat to see Natalie sitting on Jessica's bed waiting for her to awake. Even better was the subsequent conversation that the two sisters held with one another about Jessica's pregnancy and the fact that Jess carried so much guilt for betraying Antonio when her alter took over.

THUMBS DOWN!

1. They often say out of sight, out of mind. That is how I must have felt for quite some time in regards to Kelly Cramer, but after seeing so much more of her this week, I have come to realize how much I miss seeing Heather Tom in a blockbuster storyline. Boy, can that girl act! She's already proven herself worthy of meaty material with the baby-switching AMC/OLTL storyline, so it's time to push Kelly forward once again to front-burner status. Otherwise, what a waste of some incredible acting talent!

2. Todd arrested for Margaret's death? Still don't care! And I still don't think I'll care if the supposed rumors of a Téa return are true.

3. I think that the character of Rex has great chemistry with nearly every actor or actress with whom the actor shares scenes. So, if Rex's involvement with Adriana can't turn me around to liking that character more, I think it's time to cut the losses with her.

As everyone knows, former Two Scoops columnist, Dawn, has decided to retire from her commentary duties. In the quest to find a replacement for her, the site is going to ask for YOUR help and input to help determine who will share writing duties with me. If you think that you have what it takes to become a Two Scoops columnist, we'd like to hear from you. Please send over a sample column along with a brief introduction message telling us about you and why you'd like to be a columnist. You can send your submissions to Dan at dan@soapcentral.com

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