Cherish the Presence

Love, and especially passionate love, should have a place in our life, but its nature and extent may vary in light of external circumstances. People should search for it at the beginning of a relationship; marrying out of compromise may lead to frustration or decrease the little passion that was there. Having affairs retains passionate love, but has the disadvantage of deception. As it turns out, most people cherish the presence of passionate love in their relationship. Indeed, most people are “romantic” in the sense that they say that they would not marry a person possessing all other qualities they admired, but with whom they were not in love. In the mid-1960s men were more “romantically” oriented in this sense than woman, but some twenty years later, women were found to have grown significantly more romantic and had closed the gap with men. This may be due to the fact that women have become less dependent on the institution of marriage for their economic survival and can “afford” to marry for purely romantic reasons. These changes indicate the lesser role of external circumstances in the decision to marry a person, and a greater role for the romantic argument. By Professor of Philosophy Aaron Ben-Zeév http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201105/i-married-because-external-circumstances

…lasting love is something a person has to decide to experience. It requires what, for lack of a better term, we can call an act of will… Robert Wright