In our first blog on post-divorce relocation, we discussed how to proceed if one parent wishes to relocate, making it very difficult to retain the original parenting schedule that the parties had agreed to. This blog shares an example of how what appears to be an impossible situation, may actually be resolved through creative planning fostered by mediation.

A while back, I had a case where at the time of the separation, the mother decided to move back to Japan with the two children so that she could be closer to her own family. Aside from feeling very lonely as a single Japanese woman in the US, she argued that the father was constantly traveling for his business and that she would rather be in Japan where she had a support system. Under these new circumstances, however, the father could never have weekly or bi-weekly time with his children when back at home.

After much discussion and going back and forth with multiple plans, the parents decided that:

The father would come to Japan a set number of times a year for one-week visits when he would have the children stay with him in a hotel. This allowed him to spend time with them during the school year, take them and pick them up at school and be somewhat involved with their day-to-day activities.

Twice a year during school vacations, the father would fly the children with him to another destination and spend time with them outside of Japan.

The children were under the age of 10 when their parents separated and could not travel by themselves, but the parents agreed that as the children grew older and were able to travel by themselves, they could meet their father in another country.

Is this solution perfect? Of course not, but there really is no perfect solution. If the parties were in litigation, their lawyers would present the facts to a judge who would “render his decision” by which the parties would have to abide. But within a mediation process, with the help of the mediator, the parties can brainstorm together, examining multiple options and eventually choosing the one that works best for them.

In this case, mediation provided an environment where this couple could explore creative solutions to a seemingly impossible situation. The couple worked hard, and together turned a situation that at first seemed overwhelming, with potentially no good outcome, into one that they could live with and where their children would still have time with their father several times a year.

Do you or anyone you know have what appears to be an impossible situation to overcome? Please give us a call to discuss how mediation may help find a creative and workable solution.

Do you know a friend or colleague whom you feel would find this article relevant? Please feel free to forward this article to them.

If you have any questions or concerns about Mediation,
or would like to schedule a no-fee mediation consultation,
please don’t hesitate to contact me today!

Comments & Replies from Social Media__________________________________________________

Just the idea that when a situation seems impossible it may actually not be, can provide a source of comfort and a ray of hope during a challenging time. Your clients are fortunate to benefit from your skill and talent. As a Life Coach, I am often the voice of possibility with my clients, working to empower them to get creative when it comes to moving-on post divorce and to build a life which is not bound by perceived limitations that may not actually exist. It’s always interesting to notice the synergies between what we do. Thanks for your inspiring and articulate words!

I really don’t know how it would have played out. This family always traveled and moved around a lot because of the husband’s job.
As the mediator, I am not the one giving the parties answers to their questions. I am there to facilitate their conversation. So I cannot say how a different family would have dealt with the distance.

Jennifer — great example of how mediation can resolve differences in a way that court never could!

Separate question for you: I see that you have a comment from linkedin on your site — do you have a way for that to be automatically generated? Or, are you copying and pasting from Linkedin? I’ve been trying with no success to find a way to get linkedin comments to show up on my blog….feel free to reply here or directly to my email. Thanks so much for your help!

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“I wish I had known that mediation even existed before we went and spent all that time and money on legal fees and got nowhere. Thank you for helping us work things out in such a short time.”– B.

“Thank you Jennifer for guiding us through our mediation and divorce. I had no knowledge of what to do or expect. I was guilty of believing these myths. Thanks for a fightless, smooth agreement.”– Safian Mediation Client

“I wanted to thank you for being such a help in this situation. It might not seem like you’ve done much but just having you there in the room changed everything – really. I do understand that its not your job to take sides and that its important for you to remain impartial. I do wish it were possible to show you, though, how radically different that conversation was just because you were there listening.”– MB.

“Thank you so much for your help through our separation. As difficult as it is, you have been such a calm and reassuring force.” – A.F.

“Jennifer Safian is a remarkable mediator. She is able to combine realism and compassion and she brings both to the mediation table. Her intelligent and thoughtful approach empowers parties to be the very best they can be when crafting a divorce agreement, focusing on the best interests of all involved including the children.”– Jenny Besch, Director, Mediation Center Serving Westchester & Rockland Counties

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Satisfaction For You Both

In mediation, you can be as creative as you wish to be. Only you know the specifics of your lives, what works for you and what does not. As your mediator, I’m there to help you “think outside of the box”, if necessary, sometimes coming up with non traditional answers, but answers that will satisfy not only your financial needs but your emotional needs as well.