Our forward planning desk has lined up James Shortt as a probability to be featured in our next series.

We would appreciate any help this forum can provide towards our background research.

It seems that men, with a taint of homo-erotic undertone, indulged in weekend woodland activity wearing apparel from their military dressing up wardrobes. We are anxious to learn how many of these men had been rejected (like Mr Shortt) for proper military service.

Our researchers have found considerable footage of Mr Shortt demonstrating basic ju jitsu techniques. But no footage of him involved in a fight.

He has, undoubtedly, been associated with sudden deaths. All oddly enough to the same macabre modus operandum.

The MO involves tea and digestive biscuits. Officers given the duty of reading reports on Mr Shortt's history have sadly tried to dunk biscuits, eat same and suppress laughter at the same time. Colleagues discovered the hapless fallen blue of face and contorted from the final spasms of mirth.

Hence a standing order that only Shorttcake would be used for dunking .

I will be asking was a secret technique of the Ninja employed to make the digestives deadly.

I have heard that his Ninjutsu master Peter King once killed a Metropolitan police recruit with one deadly scary word. "Boo!! shido"

I understand that his CV has been amended to show his true SAS expertise. "In out and leave no trace of service"

Mr. Dyer, in that movie that you were in, I cannot remember the name of it. It was shit though so... no wait that does not help. In the movie you played a braindead moron.. no wait that doesn't narrow it down. In the one I'm on about your acting was sh*t... no wait again that does not help. Oh I remember! It was the one where you sounded like an absolute retard... oh wait.