Monday, March 14, 2016

Positioning for Election

Note: This is a column I wrote for my hometown newspaper this past Friday in regard to our local impending elections. Insert the name of your own hometown and it might just apply to you, as well.Or not....________________________

Hard to believe, but we’re already nearly a quarter of the
way through 2016; winters on its last legs and spring is soon approaching.

We really can’t complain—too much—about this year’s winter.
It’s been pretty mild, for the most part, with really only one “significant”
snow storm, which our crack DPW team handled with aplomb...plus a bunch of
snows plows and shovels, because aplomb only goes so far.

The mild winter also means the village might have to look
into repurposing a couple of gazillion gallons of brine, not to mention a few
of mountains of salt...all of which I’m thinking can be trucked over to one of
our numerous Post Road, fast food eateries for use in one or more special sauce
recipes.

Anyway, the point is—I think—the Ides of March are upon us
and unless you’re a Roman Emperor, walking around town in a toga with a crown
of laurel leaves on your head, which to be honest is just
asking for trouble...it’s a time for optimism.

Which can mean only one thing...its local election time!

See...I told you there was a point.

Yes, that rousing time of year when we throw all of our elected
Trustees into a giant soup bowl, stir it up decide which of our dedicated fellow
citizens will be sitting behind that big table, in that apparently falling down
courtroom, over the next few years, sneering at one another...much to our televised
enjoyment.

As always, our little hometown is not
without its controversial issues to decide in the months ahead; all of which I
have a pretty consistent handle of understanding...which is to say, little or
next to none.

I mean, I read the paper, just like you. I see all the
arguments for and against this issue or that...but unlike most of you...I’m
never quite sure what position I should take...on anything.

And I should because, to be honest—which is always a stretch
when I write these things—they’re pretty much the same old issues we’ve been
facing...ever since they actually used to saw down in the pit.

Did I mention the honesty stretching part?

Three years ago, after we last played “Trustee Musical
Chairs”, I wrote:

Some of the more important issues that were
up for debate and now, hopefully, will be addressed, were things like how to
stop the Marina parking lot from falling into the river, maybe even by getting
the folks who promised that it wouldn’t, when they built it, to pay for it, and
how to keep the unfortunate few who have the occasion to be detained in our
local jail from walking out the hole in the back wall whenever they have an
urge for an ice cream cone up the street.

Not surprisingly, the hottest issue of all
and the one that everyone in town seemed to have an opinion on was: what is to
be the fate of the former United Hospital property and what do we hope to see
up there on that hill, preferably, one day soon?

So it doesn’t seem a lot of progress has been made, no
matter who’s been sitting behind that big table, in that apparently falling
down courtroom.

Well, in truth—again—that’s probably not fair to say. I
understand there’s a new report coming out, reporting on the validity of a
couple of other reports, so they can decide which report to act on...that is,
if this new report is accurate.

So that has to be taken into account.

Plus, if I had to keep track of all the acronyms cited in
all these reports, I’d be spending most of my time referring to a glossary
rather than getting anything done, myself.

But of course that’s just me, which is pretty par for the
course.

There’s the DEIS, IDA, PILOT, DOT, CBA and, of course,
G& S.

Apparently, no one’s been able to come up with a suitable Starwood
acronym, which may be holding things up, as well.Maybe Starwood should conduct a survey to see
what the town folk think.They seem to
be good at that.

And density seems to be a big stumbling block, as well.

Believe me, I know. I’ve
been working on my personal density for years and can’t seem to do a thing
about it.

The one good thing about this particular election season is
there doesn’t seem to be a lot of finger pointing and name calling.

I mean, aside from one of the candidates trying to get most of the other candidates tossed off the ballot because they used the wrong color ink or something, it’s been pretty much business as usual...or unusual.

Yeah...I know. How boring is that?

Just the usual campaign tactics of saying, “The other guys never did this, or always did
that...so I’m not...and I’m going to fix that...but don’t ask me how”.

But there’s still a couple of days left in the campaign, so there’s
always hope someone accuses someone else of secretly enjoying Kanye.

All in all, by this time next week, no matter what the
outcome, we should have a brand new board of unselfish, dedicated neighbors in
place doing their best to make our little village a better place to live.

They’re giving us their time, energy and passion for our
home town, so the least we can do is get out and vote to show that we care as
much as they do.

And then we can start complaining again....

I mean shouldn’t we have a cat park, too?

And does no one care about the ferrets?

And maybe I do want a new High School built under the
football field.

And, now that I think of it, maybe a new 40 gazillion dollar
Municipal Center would be a pretty cool place to hang out, after all.

3 comments:

Being a bit slow on the uptake I first thought you were writing on the latest selections of Presidential hopefuls. Then again, and once I'd read it again I saw that your article was much more important. (Note: Did you that sneaky little conjunction of mine following a comma?)

I generally try to keep my political observations specifically general in nature. Out of nature, is a whole other story, however, but in those cases I'm usually alone in a locked room and no one is listening, anyway. Generally I find this method to be the best way to proceed to avoid conflict and general consternation amongst the readers. I also never pay much attention my own conjunctions since I find they usually have a mind of their own...generally speaking, of course....

Retorting on Twitter

About Me

My passion these days is writing silly stories for “The
Freelance Retort”, the humor website I began in May of 2011 when the world was
supposed to come to an end. It didn’t and now I’m stuck writing these things 2
or 3 times a week.My passion before that was chocolate ice cream.

When I’m not doing this, I’m a freelance, corporate writer/director/ producer, which means—besides the many slashes—I create everything from promotional, instructional and training videos to interactive on line presentations for various corporation and health care companies. In that sense I guess you could say that I’m a “professional writer” since I do get paid to write, work from home and have lots of free time to myself. However, most of my friends and neighbors think I’m just goofing off. Naturally, being a freelance writer who deals with the sometimes insanity of the corporate world from the safety of the creative fringe, my views will more often than not be tinged with cynicism, sarcasm and a fair share of self-deprecation. I hope you enjoy them in the spirit in which they are intended….