Friday, July 13, 2012

Food for Thought Friday: Why do women tear others down??

Honestly, I SO wish women could start supporting one another instead of tearing each other down. We are called to LOVE, encourage, and build one another up, but we seem to do just the opposite. What if we could all just quit judging, gossiping, and start appreciating others for who they are and for each person’s journey??

Everyone has different passions and priorities. I don’t think it’s a secret if you read my blog that some of the most important things in MY life are my walk with the Lord, my family, and health and fitness.

So, here’s what brought this whole thing up. You would be shocked (or maybe you wouldn’t) at the ridicule and snyde comments people make about the fact that I choose to be healthy. (Although I do feel like since I’ve been this way for so long, some people are used to it and starting to accept that this is how I am and how I’ll always be because it’s something I believe in. Progress, maybe?)

Anyway, here’s one of the things people have been saying to me lately…. “I can’t wait to see if you still look like that after kids!” My friend was up this weekend and we were talking about that comment because she can totally relate. She is an incredible mom and people say similar tings about her wondering if her second child will turn out as good as her first- or if he was just “luck.”

Really?!?!?! I think that is so unbelievably, ridiculously RUDE and immature.

I used to be easily offended, but as I have become more secure I don’t struggle with that as much anymore. However, that offended me BIG time!! And honestly, it hurt my feelings.

I try to be 100% supportive and encouraging of others, no matter what their priorities are and even if they’re different from mine. It made my heart sad a little that I feel like so many women want to see others fail. (Because I can’t really take that any other way- it’s not out of pure curiosity, let’s get real.) THAT is exactly why it’s so important to be aware of who you surround yourself with. And ignore the haters. (And now that I’ve vented about that, I’ll be ‘over’ it. Whew, thank goodness for the blog!)

I can tell you this.

I know LOTS of fit moms, and I WILL be one of them. Just like my friend & I discussed after she told me that, everyone has different priorities. If it means that I have to go to our basement gym after my babies go to bed….run on the treadmill during their naps….or wake up at the crack of dawn to sneak in a workout (for HEALTH and SANITY reasons, mind you….not vanity), I will do it. I just know how I am. I’m extremely dedicated and driven, and this is a priority for me.

Will I look like I do right now? I don’t know. Maybe not. I know having babies totally changes your body (and hair, skin, tummy, etc. from what I hear). And ya know what? That’s fine with me!! Like I’ve said a million and one times (and I know you’re tired of hearing it, but I feel like I need so keep saying it because some people aren’t getting it!), I don’t work out for vanity reasons. If I don’t look like this after kids, that’s 100% okay. I will have some sweet little blessings that will be totally worth every stretch mark and skin spot. BUT, I will still be fit and in shape, even if I don’t “look” the same. I think it’s pretty inappropriate when I hear women say things like “Just wait….kids ruin your bodies.”

Anyway, I know that is probably not nearly as big of a deal as it seems like I’m making it out to be. But it this goes MUCH deeper and way beyond this one little thing. It seems like the second you get a group of females together, they want to start gossiping and bashing every other woman who is not there. It’s sad, really, that we can’t find more thoughtful, positive things to talk about.

In life in general, I think we need to be very cautious about our words and focus more on building others up.

17 comments:

This is something that bothers me so much and I don't understand it AT ALL! I think a lot of times, the women that are acting like this and saying things like this are unhappy in their own lives and just want to lash out a others they feel threatened or jealous of. It's really sad. We should be encouraging and lifting each other up as women, not hoping for another to fail or rejoicing when they do. I would have been hurt by those comments too but I'm glad you were able to vent here and then let it go. That is best for you! And how many times have you heard mothers say they need "me" time or a workout for their sanity? You would think they would see your dedication to a fit and healthy lifestyle and want to emulate that in their own lives! You are such an inspiration and encouragement - keep doing what you do!!

Hey DanielleI saw your post on SR and I just want to give you a high five!! I am a huge AdvoCare advocate as well :)if you get a chance stop by my blog fitandfabulousmomsllc.blogspot.com and say hi! You look fantastic :) :)-Chelsea

I just want to say that I believe its easier to be sad then live a happy life. You have to work to be happy (I think) and you have to work to have a good marriage and good health. I have lost over 20 pounds since November due to working out- trust me I dont want to but I want to live healthier and be happy. I reecntly tried to motivate my sister to work out who just had a baby and I get "just to wait till you have kids you dont underatnad!" And she is right, I dont. But my point is if you want the change- you just have to do it no matter how hard it is. You have to make the time to be healthy and happy. A challenge of life ya know?

Haters gonna hate. I am happy that you have been able to vent and move on. I can't believe people have said those things to you and your friend; that is just beyond rude! Fit moms exist - and those who aren't are sometimes just jealous. Same with well behaved children - I would love to spend the day with your friend's kids, they seem like little well behaved angels! Keep you heads up and ignore all the garbage, because that's exactly what it is!

You and your friend have done great things respectively (you with health and her with her children) and whenever someone does something as amazing as you both have there are bound to be jealous people. So many women portray that jealousy with hate and hurtful comments. Ignore all that garbage! ... take it to the curb and leave it there!

Kudos to you for holding your head up high in spite of uncalled for comments. Saw some of the chatter on SR and was shaking my head on behalf of you guys. Thanks for putting some positivity and good energy into the world every day!

Women are very jealous and competitive. Live your life for an audience of ONE. THE ONE, which you already seem to be doing a good job of doing. You look great and you are a BEAUTIFUL girl, inside and out.

I have been a blog lurker of yours for some time but I felt compelled to comment and give you an "amen, sister!" I'm currently 34, almost 35 weeks pregnant and have been truly blessed with an awesome, easy pregnancy. I was able to run a half marathon at 19 weeks and have been able to keep up my workouts this whole time. Because of that and making good choices, I've gained 11 lbs total and have had no typical symptoms (heartburn, aches and pains, swollen feet, etc etc). Other women are so quick to say things to me like, well, it's your first baby or even worse, accuse me of working out too much and not eating enough...which is horrible because why would I ever put my BABY in jeopardy? Really appreciate your perspective and your heart for Christ and seeking Him in all you do and say:)

...and by the way since I have TWO kids I have gotten my body back and am in BETTER shape after having kids then I was before. You will be totally fine because you know what to do and have all the tools.

Girl I have seen this far too much lately and have been on the receiving end of harsh criticisms, both openly to my face and behind my back, for some time now. I get emails from people I don't know that seem to be deeply effected by my weight, want to tell me I'm not as great of an athlete as I think, and for some reason think its their place to pass judgement about how I live my life. Women are catty and this alway springs from jealously, and it breaks my heart when someone has to cut someone else down just so they can feel better about themselves.

But you girl are special, you have your foundation in your faith and know that there is a greater purpose for you. So keep your head up and be proud of all that you've worked for and the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon you.

It totally our flesh that wants to make ourselves feel better by thinking others are worse. It all boils down to pride and our fallen nature-- we NEED God!! :)

Keep pressing forward- listen to God first and Jon second and live your life for you-- not anyone else. ever. People will ALWAYS judge and hate and condemn, but in Christ we are free!I also appreciate your commitment to spread JOY and build other people up- even if you believe differently. Keep spreading the love!

Love this post.. One of the things I have NO toleration for is catty girls! We SHOULD encourage one another and lift each other up but instead I believe things like jealousy and insecurity cause women to rip other girls apart. I have had comments made to me when I am in a bikini.. "You make me sick the way you look in your bathing suit." Well you know what? I didn't get to the way I look sitting on the couch eating fast foods, drinking carbonated drinks, and not exercising! I CHOOSE to go the gym, my back porch, or even my yard and workout! Sometimes it may not be for long but at least I have made an effort to do some type of exercise to better myself! I CHOOSE to put healthy foods in my mouth! I AM NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE FOR IT! I have had to learn that when someone is trying to tear you down, they have an insecurity within themselves and by tearing you down they feel they are making themselves feel better.

You are absolutely gorgeous on the inside and out. Thank you for all your positive posts and great advice that you share!

Great Blog! I have five kids. By number three, I was in horrible shape, and miserable; I knew it was time to change. So, I started running. I ran through my last two pregnancies and am probably the healthiest I have ever been (and happiest--I love my babies!!)I would advice all moms-to-be to continue with their exercise routine during pregnancy (of course with doctors permission). It helps in so many ways!www.myinner-sole.com

LOL...that is why I don't have a lot of female friends...because it's insane how catty they can be even into their adulthood, lol. Plus, I've always been a tomboy so I've always tended to have more male friends. I know it's easier said that done and you said now that you're more secure it doesn't bother you and that's great because their comments are only coming from their insecurities and issues, not yours. It is definitely sad to see that people cannot be genuinely happy for one another (I am the same as you...always encouraging, positive, happy, etc. with others accomplishments...I mean why not be...they worked hard for it, acknowledge and congratulate, lol). Sorry I am really rambling now but I can relate to you on this post. Just keep on doing what you're doing and ignore those ignorant and ill-based comments...and SMILE! More people need to calm down and just be happy and smile, lol. Have a great day...just saw your blog today! :)

My cousin said the same thing to me when I was just starting to show. I asked her if that was a challenge? I run marathons and eat pretty well, so I wasn't that worried. My son was born on December 12. I had gained 50 pounds. I signed up for an April half marathon and started running and going to the gym four weeks post partum. It was tough with nursing and having a new born, but I made it a priority and so did my partner. I ran the half and then ran a full marathon in May. I'm running the San Francisco full in a couple of weeks. My baby is 7 months now. I weigh 3 pounds less than I did before I got pregnant and now I have boobs. lol. People said a lot of dumb things to me when I was pregnant too, so I learned to just let it go. Everyone is different, but for some reason some people feel like they need to "share" their experience. It's really a personal thing. You will be great!

Obviously I'm a little late in reading this post, as you posted this last year. But I just came across your blog today and I am loving it! :) But I can definitely relate to the exercise, eating healthy, and being fit ridicule. My sister-in-law just told me yesterday that this past week, her, my other SIL and my MIL were talking about me after my husband and I left saying how thin and basically "un-healthy" I look. I understand if they are 'concerned' about me, but if they are, bring it up to me, not behind my back. I exercise 3-4 times a week and watch what I eat. I weigh the same as I have for the past 5 years. I may look thinner, but I am more toned than I ever been. Muscle weighs more than fat. But anyway- just wanted to throw my experience out there. I really enjoy reading your blog!