@frigwiggin I feel like I saw a website somewhere that suggested you get some nice lace, cut out the big flower bits you want, and then, I don't know, mod podge it or something? I knew I should have bookmarked it.

@Beaker My web company gives away a free website project (i.e. we design and build a brand new website for free) to a local non-profit every year, and this year I get to be the project manager for it. Yesterday I met my new client, a wonderful non-profit in Chicago that helps at-risk teenagers by keeping them out of gangs, in school, and finding creative ways to express themselves, and kicked off the project. I am so excited to have this project because I want to work for a non-profit some day, and helping youth is kind of a pet cause of mine.

@Beaker
If we're plugging our sites, this week my boyfriend and I finally bought a domain space and started a real food blog. He does the words, I do the visuals. It's not totally ready (no about page yet), but it's almost there and I'm really excited about it!

@Beaker how did I totally pass this over when it was the first thread on the page? Christ. Anyway I'm doing that Sketchbook Project thing but I've never done this sort of thing before and realize there are no backsies so I've been seized whenever I sit down to put stuff in it. I don't know :(

@Beaker: I am trying to practice doing a freestanding handstand! Right now I've been practicing by using a wall to help me, and today I tried doing it by having my husband spot me/hold on to one of my feet. It's kind of exhilarating because these kind of gymnastic-style exercises have always intimidated me. Except for the front roll. I can do those.

@Emby That is so cool! How fancy are you dressing? Is it full-costume, or fancy-dress-with-feathery-mask? Do you have a date, or are you planning on dancing with a mysterious stranger who turns out to be your work rival who you argue passionately with all the time...and now you have to find out if the two of you can do other things passionately as well. And maybe it turns out that he wasn't trying to steal the Jenkins file from you; he was actually trying to protect you from Stevenson, who is a MOLE!
Either way, sounds fun. Have a good night!

It's through a Living Social deal at this weird little place in DC called the Mansion on O Street.

I bought this paint-your-own mask at Michael's several weeks ago and last night my girlfriend (to answer another question: yes, going with a date) and I drew on it with colored pencils. We each did a side with different patterns, so it's kind of weirdly unsymmetrical. She didn't buy a mask and was regretting that fact, so today on my lunch break I ran out to a costume shop and bought her one. And she doesn't know yet, so, surprise!

Other than that, I'm wearing a suit and a scarf to be worn like an ascot, and a costume top hat. She's wearing a skirt with a suit jacket and a bow tie. We're gonna look pretty badass.

@terrific This sounds fun! But I think we'd have to split up between countries. I'm in the UK and if we did international exchanges I think we'd have to send them pretty much right now. No good at all.

To sign up email hairpinsecretwintersurprise@gmail.com with the following information by November 30:

1. Name and address (can use initials if you don't want to reveal your full name!)
2. Hairpin username (if you want, for personalized goodies)
3. What kind of things you like
4. If you are or are not okay with international shipping

What you will be required to do by signing up:

1. Get/make/thrift/whatever! a cool present for a fellow 'pinner that costs less than $15 (and free is totally fine!)
2. Send it by December 14

Once I see the makeup/# of people that want to join we can figure out what to do with the international thing. I don't want anyone to have to pay lots of $$$ to ship anything!

@polka dots vs stripes I find Calvin Klein bras at TJ Maxx all the time! a few weeks ago I got a tan and a brown two-pack for $25 there. they fit me really well, so usually I just go in and check out my size to see if they have anything for me.

@rosaline I am a big Triumph bra fan. They're not too expensive, but they're really comfortable. The ones online seem to be mostly boring, but I've found a whole bunch of pretty ones in brick and morter stores. I have a very pretty one of light purple lace with ribbon embroidered into the lace. They're also a good brand for ladies looking for non-padded bras.

@frigwiggin I almost posted the same thing because I'm going to Turks and Caicos!! I am pumped! Minus the fact that I'm guessing they don't have turkeys there. Anyone have a rec for a Thanksgiving-style fish?

Also, for anybody who doesn't live in Chicago: y'all want a postcard? I'm taking some stamps and I'll already be sending a few out to relatives and online friends...if you say yes, I'll promise to either find you the most cliche or the most bizarre postcard I can possibly find.

It is so surreal to look through old facebook photos - or any photos for that matter - from before my parents were divorced. It feels like we've always lived this way, but really it's only been three years.

I'm doing homework and hate-watching the new Twilight this weekend, but no weird cooking.

@Fitzsimmons My parents have been divorced as long as I can remember (my first memory is of my mom taking us and leaving), so looking at their wedding pictures/pictures from when I was a wee, wee tot are kind of strange and surreal, and I wonder what they're feeling in that moment. Were they happy?

@frigwiggin They were never like the horrible fighting kind of unhappy, but my dad would wake up at 6am, leave the house immediately, and not return until 8 or 9pm, so clearly no. But we look really happy in our vacation pictures from years past...

@Fitzsimmons It's near impossible for me to think of my parents together, although in pictures, they look completely serene. Before it makes me sad, I read this. I hope it makes you happy, too.

“Failing and Flying

Everyone forgets that Icarus also flew.
It's the same when love comes to an end,
or the marriage fails and people say
they knew it was a mistake, that everybody
said it would never work. That she was
old enough to know better. But anything
worth doing is worth doing badly.
Like being there by that summer ocean
on the other side of the island while
love was fading out of her, the stars
burning so extravagantly those nights that
anyone could tell you they would never last.
Every morning she was asleep in my bed
like a visitation, the gentleness in her
like antelope standing in the dawn mist.
Each afternoon I watched her coming back
through the hot stony field after swimming,
the sea light behind her and the huge sky
on the other side of that. Listened to her
while we ate lunch. How can they say
the marriage failed? Like the people who
came back from Provence (when it was Provence)
and said it was pretty but the food was greasy.
I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,
but just coming to the end of his triumph.”
― Jack Gilbert

@Fitzsimmons This year will be the second christmas since my parents have split. It already feels much longer than that. Weird. We don't have many Christmas photos, only the ones we had done professionally when my sister and I were toddlers.
But the good thing is, one day I will be able to make my own memorable Christmases. Just gotta convince my mum it's not the end of the world first. AYYY heavy, sorry.

@Fitzsimmons My parents split almost 5 years ago, after 42 years. It has gotten easier to deal with, especially because they're happier now than they were at the end of the marriage. But it's still awkward, especially around holiday time, when someone inevitably gets mad that they don't get to see their kid/grandkid on Thanksgiving/Christmas/grandkid's birthday. Sigh.

I need advice!
How do I politely not give out my phone number? I have a hard time saying “no, I’m not interested” when someone is flirting with me (unless they’re a huge asshole, in which case I am usually rude right away and they never get to the “think they have a change” stage).
I don’t get approached tons, but when I do and am not interested, I have a hard time shutting it down to their faces. It happened this weekend at my second-tier Starbucks; a guy struck up a conversation and he was nice (and cute) enough that I let the conversation start. But after a while I realized he was sort of boring. But he was sitting right there, and I didn’t know how to end the conversation. He asked for my number, I gave it because I didn’t know how not to, and yesterday (so many days later! I thought I was safe!) texted me.
And now I have to do the WAY ruder thing of turning him down over text, PLUS I can never go back to that Starbucks probably.
How should I have handled it?
And also how should I turn him down over text – I don’t have a plan for that either.

@gobblegirl Hmm. Well, I'd prefer something like a, "Hey, sorry, but you seem really nice but I'm not looking to go on any dates or anything right now. But it was nice talking to you."

And if it were me, I'd say, "Oh OK, thanks, yes nice talking to you, too" and sulk away all embarrassed and kind of woe-is-me.

But some guys are a lot douchier than me and might respond with something like, "Geez, I just asked for your number, not a date!" and get all hostile. If you suspect me might be that type of guy and you don't want to deal with that... well, I don't know. Maybe the same thing, but be prepared to tell him to go fuck himself.

@gobblegirl Ask if you can have their number instead, so you're free to not call them if you're not into them? I read that tip in a teen magazine aaages ago so take it as you will--I remember they said that if the guy still insists say something like, "That's just the way I prefer to do things" or "I just feel more comfortable this way" or something like that. Seems worth a shot because if they pressure you about it then they're automatically jerks and you can shoot them down on that basis!

my stock response is, "oh, I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much!" I think it works so well because it lets them believe you would be all over that if you were single. Even if you are single, and certainly would not be all over that. Of course, this only works for random strangers who don't know you're single.

@gobblegirl I read something once that pointed how women are conditioned to be overly nice and put up with lots of stuff that they don't really have to put up with. Even if the thing isn't very bad (a boring guy having your number) doesn't mean you have to lump it.

I think you should just be straight up: 'I'm flattered, but I'm not interested.' And then just walk away! You could add a sorry/thank you in to soften the blow if you like.

We often feel like we always have to be the nicest possible and always be accommodating but there is really no need. Shut it down straight away and then you don't have to worry about the follow up calls/texts.

@gobblegirl I think that Emby's way should work for 95% of the guy population, but if you suspect that it might be an issue, and also that you might not ever run into this person again, give out a phone number that is one digit off of your actual number. That way, if you do accidentally run into him again, you can pretend that he just took down your number wrong.

This is more difficult in the cell phone area, if he's one of those people who call you as soon as you give them your number.

Or or or you can get a Google Voice number that forwards to your phone (which allows you to screen) and just block that guy forever.

@gobblegirl Oh, please don't make up a phone number! I've had to deal with way too many phone calls/texts from disheartened (sometimes angry!) would-be suitors who apparently were given my cell phone number.

@gobblegirl Blergh. I had this happen, and it was so awkward and I was unprepared and it was terrible. Dude deflected "I'm not dating" with "That's okay, we could go out as friends" (which, he was a total stranger). THEN, when I did give my number to him, he called it right away so I could "have his, too"....translation: so he could make sure it wasn't a fake. ARGH!

Next time, I'm going with a polite smile and "Oh, I have a rule about not giving out my number. Sorry."

@pixieg That is exactly what it is. I have been conditioned not only to be nice to everyone (which in itself isn't a bad thing), but to inconvenience myself in order to serve others.
Also, my complete cluelessness and underlying low self-esteem means that I don't eve know for sure if they want to date me, or just be pals. So I like all the advice that doesn't explicitly say "Don't want to date you." Because I also don't want to have another boring conversation with this dude, platonic or no.
I like @thenotestaken's advice! I can ignore them without being confrontational, pretend I forgot if I run into them, and I get to stay in control! And if they out themselves as douchebags, then I can be rude with no guilt!
Thanks for all of this excellent advice!

@gobblegirl For the record though, just about every single time a guy asks for your number and a.) he's just met you and b.) you two haven't specifically discussed some platonic plan to do an activity [e.g., maybe you're both really into some book and talked about having coffee to discuss it]*, then he is asking for your number so he can ask you out on a date. Just assume this.

@pixieg I don't know though, I agree that women are conditioned to be too nice sometimes but when it comes to rejecting a nice person, I don't think it's terrible to soften it a little. I mean, if I guy said "thanks but not interested" to me, I'd be totally crushed, and for what purpose?

@gobblegirl Yeah, I've been very successful with, "I don't give out my number, but I'll take yours." Guys are usually a little surprised, but don't argue. In their minds, they aren't being rejected. A variation on a plain "no" is more honest, but more likely to initiate a discussion. I'm all about ending the conversation with as little fuss as possible.

@gobblegirl fake number, one digit off of yours. do you feel bad for the person with the real number? nah, you've given them something to talk about. and if you see the person again you can blame it on some weird misunderstanding and then give them another fake number.

@celeec4@twitter Nah. It's still leading them on, which is mean. What if they went home all excited because they just met the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in the world (me) and she gave him her contact info and he's pretty sure they're going to get married!
I just needed a nice way to say no, and I think I've found it.

@gobblegirl That's what I usually use, and one hand, you have to deal with them being sad/hurt right in front of you (which I do feel a tiny bit bad about if they haven't been obnoxious), but on the other hand it's both polite and impersonal enough that guys don't usually protest.

@gobblegirl
Everyone else has covered the bit about not giving out your number if you don't want to -- but I just wanted to say: you can DEFINITELY keep going back to that Starbucks, too! It's your space just as much as his, and it doesn't have to be a big deal that you turned him down unless you make it one. A) you probably won't see him again anyway, and b) even if you do, you can either ignore each other; or smile pleasantly and then ignore each other.

@gobblegirl I usually flail around mentally and then make up a story about how I'm leaving the country for an extended period of time the next day. I can't even do the "oh, I don't think my boyfriend would like that" line, because my subconscious just laughs, hysterically and derisively, at the very concept of me with a boyfriend. But the potential being-nice upshot to the leaving-the-country hoax is it lets the guy think he just met an international woman of mystery instead of just some chick who was not remotely interested. :P

Also, the "women get socialized to be nice" thing always comes up in these discussions, and I think it's important to point out the distinction between "being polite and considerate" and "being a doormat"? Because whenever it comes up I always just start grumbling about how the world would be a much better place if men got the same insidious socialization to be, horrors, well-mannered.

My house was running low on eggs and two roommates noticed and independently bought eggs so now we have a gazillion eggs. I think that calls for a quiche! Anyone have any favorites to recommend? Or other ways to have fun with eggs?

@thenotestaken Every Christmas morning, we have quiche with broccoli, ham, carrots, onion, and collard greens, made inside a store bought pie crust. Also with cheese on top. I have no idea if this is actually good or just because of sentimentality, but I kind of love it.

@thenotestaken My first thought for everything is always dessert. How about a flourless chocolate cake, ice cream, or creme brulee? Or for a lighter egg thing use the egg whites to make macaroons or a pavlova? But then you're stuck with yolks to use...for more custards?

@thenotestaken Creampuffs!They are pretty simple actually and use a lot of eggs but not much flour and butter. (Don't use pudding filling, that is gross, go for whipped cream,maybe with berries in it). I ended up with 30 eggs earlier this week, since I forgot I picked up a dozen a week ago, and two weeks ago.... and never used them.

@thenotestaken EGGNOG! Use this recipe http://www.chow.com/recipes/10758-best-eggnog it is AMAZING and has converted every self-avowed 'nog hater who has tried it (myself included). Make it now and it will be perfect by Xmas.

@thenotestaken turkish menemen! (i've never had shakshuka but seems similar?) it's like an omelet but a little less solid and you can eat it using any yummy bread you have on hand. you can also put in mushrooms, cheese, whatever you want, but the tomatoes you need. side of olives and tea, necessary! http://www.deliciousistanbul.com/blog/2012/03/05/classic-menemen-recipe/ i have a surplus of eggs too, oh god.

1. Sauté the onions in the butter until transparent and soft.
2. Add thyme, dash of salt, and chopped tomatoes. Simmer covered for five minutes.
3. Uncover pan and mash tomatoes; cook uncovered until the mixture is dry and thick. Tomatoes and onions should be completely mashed together at the end. When done set aside to cool.
4. Beat eggs, milk and salt together. Stir in the grated cheeses and the cooled tomato mixture.
5. Line 10” pie crust with the sliced tomatoes, and pour the cheese mixture on top.
6. Bake at 350 for 45-60 minutes (varies; check at 45), until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

I am hopefully having band practice! Just started a band with a buddy of mine and we missed our last one. Can't think what to call ourselves though! Any ideas? It's just us two ladies and I think we're heading in a sort of Warpaint direction.
Also will be working on some crafts as we're throwing a craft fair in our 'hood next month!
I've been away for over three months, so I'm just catching up on the 'pin. Have already read ALL the Ask A... columns. Anything else wonderful that I have missed?

@pixieg There's been a few good interviews with a virgin, and there was one really beautiful one called something like "my week of being pregnant" and a part 3 of Text Messages from A Ghost (!!!) and probably a whole load of other good stuff I can't remember. I'm gonna be lazy and not link, but they should be easy to find.

@Josh is like Germany Ambitious and Misunderstood As someone who has also fought early in a relationship about dubstep, I am very intrigued what caused the fight. Someone can't handle Skrillex's dulcet boom boom boom bow-a-booms?

@professionalmess Hah! Slightly green is the only way to eat bananas. And it's such a small window of time that they are like that, so I usually end up tossing them into smoothies when they get too ripe for me.

@katiemcgillicuddy ... clutching his disintegrating knees and cursing the tenancy of the CFL team that forces him to play on turf.
I dunno if we made out like BANDITS, but it was a pretty good haul! Ugly backloading on a couple of those contracts, but a) free agents don't want to come here (maybe that's DIDN'T want to come here) and b) FA deals are going to get ridiculous with the new TV money.
The Cabrera deal is pretty reasonable.

@zamboni Oh, I think you made out pretty damn good. Lauria only cares about money and you guys were the ones who took advantage. The trade really shouldn't happen, but Selig sucks as much as Lauria, so. Cabrera doesn't really have a whole lot of baseball capital at this point, so yeah, pretty reasonable.

I am going to see some roller derby with my friend! I was meant to be volunteering on a stall there for the charity I work with (handing out leaflets and things while everyone was milling about before it started), but there was a cock-up on the part of the roller derby team, and we had to be uninvited at short notice. My friend had already bought a ticket, though, so I am going, and I don't have to volunteer. I've never seen it before; it sounds like fun!

@Verity (Oh, and I am still applying for library jobs. It is no fun. If Rupert Giles can drop out of Oxford and still be a librarian, why am I still not entirely sure of my chances despite having an Oxford degree, I ask you?)

@Clare Tempting, but I have a feeling the lack of citizenship would cause legal issues. (I am applying for graduate trainee jobs in libraries, which would give me the experience I need to then go on to an information science degree, so am also probably not really qualified for corporate librarianhood just yet.)

Lady lifters! We've been doing 1 rep maxes of lifts in the last 2 weeks and I've hit a PR on almost all of them! Like 15-20# more, which feels amazing. I'm deadlifting in about 2 hours and going for 260#.

I do have actual social plans this weekend (really! I do!) but I feel kind of guilty because right now all I can think of is how soon Desert Bus starts and how I sort of don't want to do anything but watch it.

We went out for dinner and cocktails and then played records back at my place, where I came up with a delicious new drink: heavy pour of tequila over ice, Squirt brand pop, a little Campari, bitters. A few tasty adult drinks followed by a few sweet adult kisses. Success! We'll see how it goes from here, she's pretty great.

*Let it be known that I was the pinner who organized the Olympics event at the Astoria beer garden this summer. Just so I'm not a complete stranger. Plus, ask any of the people who went, I know how to organize a good time.

@meetapossum YES HiFi tomorrow you should ALL come. We meet at 4ish (at least I'll be there at 4), so come and have a drink! Yr gonna need it if you attended the Moby Dick marathon. Wash away all that narrative complexity

Hey guys, remember that post about being bisexual?? Haha, so I made a relatively innocuous comment, but because I'm a moron I left the page up and my Catholic mother saw it, ACTUALLY SAID SOMETHING, and now I'm pretty sure she is freaked out that I'm into chicks possibly! So that was absolutely not awkward at all. JESUS.

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose It's extra weird cause I basically only entertained the IDEA of POSSIBLY ONE DAY, sleeping with a chick. I have to laugh though, I don't really care, and she's by no means anti-gay, she's totally for gay marriage, etc., but I just KNOW it freaked her out, and that she'd probably be a little disappointed. I still can't believe she said something!

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose It is hilarious. It was just, if I had EVER thought the woman would say anything I wouldn't have been so caught off guard. My response to her was basically, "Sfpohfuthis...uh, I mean it uh, was just a blog post, not like, it yeah, it was just a blog" and then I hoped for a quick death. AND maybe a month ago she totally saw a selection of various colors of bondage tape up on another screen. I CAN'T GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY. And until the past month, nothing like this has ever happened. Just some bad luck and a little stupidity. Someone told me to just leave up some really deranged porn and just be done with it. Oh, my poor Irish Catholic mother.

@katiemcgillicuddy The best part is I remember your comment and it wasn't even "crazy" at all... sounds like the time I read some erotica on my mom's computer and was so sure I had cleared the history, then it popped up later and she was so freaked out that she called my sister and me. I told her someone had played a joke on me and sent it to me without telling me what it was, and she accepted that.

@whateverlolawants Yeah, it totally could have been way more incriminating! Whatever, maybe one day I'll bring home a girl and just watch her have an aneurysm. IT MIGHT HAPPEN MOM, I REALLY DON'T KNOW AT THIS POINT.

@katiemcgillicuddy It's also funny because ALL I've been thinking about recently is dude I'm seeing cause it's been a while (his job takes him away for weeks at a time)LITERALLY ALL I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IS A MAN. So it's just all sorts of ridiculous.

Adorable adopted kitten has been doing sexy warbling yowls nonstop for the past FIVE DAYS. Have not gotten an uninterrupted hour of sleep since MONDAY despite being wretchedly ill. We are all a bit FEVERISH for various REASONS.

Kitty is getting fixed next week. If she doesn't get defenestrated first.

I'm really proud of myself/really sad. I had a really difficult conversation with my boyfriend last night that I'd been secretly obsessing over and that had to happen sometime soon. Proud because instead of lashing out or being passive-aggressive or losing control or crying or accusing, it was had lovingly, with lots of understanding. It was a mature statement of facts expressed with so much caring and love, and I feel great about that. It was sad because it was basically about our fundamental vast differences in outlook/visions of the future/personality and how we feel we are holding each other back. :( But I love him... Why is everything so hard.

@Shara @olivebee
Thank u guys--
The hardest part is #1, it wasn't really a break-up talk, but everything is sliding in that direction, and #2, our whole lives are intertwined at this point. Not legally, but we live together, share our money, I work at a company with where his family members also work. All of this means that if we do decide to break up, it won't be simple. What should I do, if we do break up? I'll have to quit my job, right? I hate it and wouldn't mind, but I'd need to have enough in savings to do that, and... !!! So complicated and depressing and it feels all inevitable but I don't know what to do...

@RK Fire Don't give up, the recipe you linked to says it may take significantly longer that you might think! A pumpkin will keep the heat out much better than a metal pan. Hope it turned out ok - if it's wobbly call it a ginger-breadpudding for the potluck and they may never know.

@all: It finally turned into a cake, and I think everyone's right--it probably has a lot to do with the heat conductivity of a pumpkin and the moisture. I still wasn't expecting it to take 3 times as long as normal though but I finally have a proper cake in a pumpkin.

Pro tip for anyone who is interested in trying it out: if you are thinking about using the other part of the pumpkin as a lid, it will not work.

Pro tip #2: This is not the most attractive way to present anything. Also, the sides will be extra mushy because of said moisture and... yeah. Maybe this was an experiment gone awry.

@RK Fire A friends mother used to make a divine pumpkin soup served in a pumpkin, maybe try this next time? Nice presentation and you don't have to worry about forgetting your favorite pot/dish at the potluck xxx the cake in the pumpkin does sound very tasty though!

I know I haven't been around as much lately. I hope you haven't missed me. I've missed you in a lot of ways but... you should know that my absence is because things are going very well for me right now. Of course, it could also mean that I've gone completely off the rails. I assure that this is not the case. Not this time.

And while this feeling may only last for this week or even this day and will almost surely end (doesn't everything?), I'm trying not to look too far ahead and just want to enjoy what I have right now. Because today, in this moment, I am so, so happy.

I want to cuddle everyone's puppies! That is not a euphemism! I really just miss have pets around. I'm finally able to afford a cat, but I have to wait until after Christmas to get one (going away to much in December to feel able to get an new animal). But how do I cope with seeing adorable animals and not wanting to steal them!?

@rallisaurus I used to go on long walks just to look for animals to pet. I may have trespassed a few times to get to ones that looked interested but were too lazy to get off their porches. My favorites are the ones you look in the eye, and say, "hey there!" and they come RUNNING and flop on their backs at your feet. The best. But now I have my in-house snuggle monster that runs to greet me at the door no matter how many times I come and go during the day. And you will too.

@christonacracker I have totally done that. I have also walked into dog-related stores (like pet bakeries and supply shops) just to see if any shoppers had dogs with them that I could pet. Did that today, in fact... dogcreepin'.

There is a Chicago pin-up this weekend (check the Hairpin Meetups link for details), and I'm looking for someone to potentially carpool with me (and by carpool I mean I will drive) if anyone is interested!

@olivebee Hey, I decided to skip my colloquium tomorrow. (I don't really need to do my job 6 days a week right now...) Are you still looking for carpool-mates? Email me if so--my username at gmail.com!

1. Occasionally my hands or eyelids get twitchy when I get anxious or drink too much caffeine and today I WebMD'd the shit out of that and now I'm FLIPPING. SHIT. because every single result was like "YOU HAVE PARKINSONS ENJOY RELIVING LOVE AND OTHER DRUGS" and now I'm so stressed out and thus it's even worse.

2. It's my birthday party tomorrow! I stupidly scheduled it the same day as the Hairpin NYC meetup so now I'm sad, but mostly excited. I hope people come because if 15 people come I drink free. And I'm selfish.

@parallel-lines Ugh, sorry, and I hope you don't have Parkinsons (bet you don't! Caffeine does weird things to people.). I once had some random, freaky symptom and googled it like crazy, and the ONE site that mentioned it said it was a symptom of multiple sclerosis. That was like 6 years ago, and I'm still waiting, like any day, to get MS. So I feel you, is what I'm saying.

@terrific WebMD recently suggested I had cholera, so I have my doubts about its accuracy. (I also sometimes get eyelid twitches, fun! I think it's related to my migraines but I refuse to look it up on my own because, yeah. EYE CANCER. What if!?)

I've been anxiously waiting for the FOT before Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, I will be in a car for seven or nine hours with my neighbor. We will visit her parents and other family for four days.
Here is where I hope to get your guidance. As for the trip, my responsibility is to make five CD mixtapes (subliminal message ideas encouraged) and find a psychological thriller (without sex violence) to read out loud. After, my responsibility is to find things to talk about with everyone.
I understand mixtape skills and Kindle reads are essential to the Hairpin, so please, I'm looking forward to trying everything you suggest.
Thank you for encouraging me to accept the holiday offer. I'm so excited, and I would be more excited if I could stop worrying. (That's everything, though.)

@Bloodrocuted I also second what kind of subliminal messages are you trying to send?

I always suggest Radiohead,cause they are the greatest!
Hit songs from whatever decade you went to high school/college. For me that's the 2000's so I would go with Spice Girls, Britney Spears, Nsync, Backstreet Boys, etc. Everyone loves nostalgia.

Fun.'s album is really catchy. Anything with a good beat and is fast is good for long drives.

For not to cerebral stuff: Dean Koontz is good: Odd Thomas series, The taking, By the Light of the Moon. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (nostalgia).

Moderate Thinking needed: Prey by Michael Crichton.

I know you said thriller but you could totally hate read Twilight or 50 Shades of Grey for a good laugh.

@Bloodrocuted This is not exactly a psychological thriller, but it's what immediately sprung to mind when you mentioned reading aloud to a group. I don't know what this says about me.
"The Eye of Argon" is a notoriously bad amateur fantasy story which is often read aloud as a competition (you read as far as you can without laughing, when you laugh you pass it to the next person). The same game can be played with Joe Scalzi's intentionally funny "War of the Night Dragons," although I suspect you won't get as far before you break down.
As for mix tapes, I won't venture into music territory before I know what subliminal message you're aiming for, but I've written extensively about spoken word stuff here: http://thehairpin.com/2012/10/friday-open-thread-43#comment-420864

@Cawendaw Those books sound even better than a thriller. With this, we won't be stressed from murderers when we arrive. Thank you.

@EngaturalBeauty@twitter Nostalgia is all we karaoke to, so this list is perfect.

Actually, I don't know what message I would like to send. You are the best person I have ever met.You make me feel I am who I want to be. Please ask your parents not to ask me anything embarrassing. To the tune of "put it down on me".

I took the GREs yesterday! 4.5 hours of automated testing time- hopefully for the last time. I capped off my day by falling asleep at 8:30. It seems factorials really take it out of me. Now to start crossing my fingers about getting into an MFA program (please someone, please).

Anyway, I'm not sure if this has been asked before, but I love "Lifehacks" (from rinsing berries with a mix of vinegar and water to using dish soap to cleaning the soap scum off the insides of showers to things involving productivity to cooking to saving money). Does any one have favorites to share?

@Lit Drunkard The only TED talk I've ever watched all the way through is about training yourself to use only 1 paper towel to dry your hands in a public restroom. Shake the water off your hands 12 times ("because 12 is the highest one-syllable number," says the speaker), then take 1 paper towel and fold it in half before using (the folding makes a difference; I forget why). Not exactly a lifehack but as someone trying to cut down on waste I feel very superior whenever I do it!

@Lit Drunkard I recently remembered the cleaning power of lemons! You can clean/de-stain/disinfect (I think) cutting boards by rubbing them with salt and half a squeezed lemon. I've also started using them to get dull calc stains off chrome since they don't sell Bon Ami here.

@EllieTea I love that video. RP Joe Smith is a really cool dude and fantastic Oregonian. At the environmental education program I work at the kids do conservation presentations and I modified it to use.

Gahhh I am taking the GRE in less than a month! Any tips? Tricks? Ways to force yourself to study?

@SeaMoney For me, it was scheduling time every night and logging myself off my biggest Internet time sucks (Tumblr, Gmail). I knew math was my weak point, so I made sure to give myself extra time to study. For the verbal, I played a lot of free rice, and just ran through some practice questions.

Please distract me, as I am really missing the dude that broke up with me three weeks ago, and this is my first Friday night on my own. It was a really really sad breakup, and I am just bummed. Any encouragement or ridiculous distractions will help.

@Shara Do you like quizzes? Sporcle.com has stolen many an evening from me.
Maybe watch a movie, but not a relationship-y one. Maybe horror, or a political thriller, or a documentary.
Does your house need cleaning? My apartment is never cleaner than when I'm heartbroken.

@Shara And also any reminders that there are still reasonably attractive 30ish year old men out there without avoidant attachment issues or other obvious flaws, who would dig a 30ish year old reasonably attractive single mom with a PhD, a real job, and no significant baggage or personal debt?

@Shara I don't know if this distraction will align super well with your interests (it's definitely on the geeky side), but my favorite internet sketch comedy group is doing a livestreaming telethon-type thing at desertbus.org starting tonight. They do song requests and comedy bits and auctions and general craziness. I find it pretty distracting, and one of the reasons I'm addicted to it was because I found it to be sort of a people-methodone right after I was abandoned by a several very important people.

@Shara This is old, but I was reminded of it when a coworker asked for some internet entertainment. It still cracks me up, so hopefully it will again even if you have already read it. http://www.27bslash6.com/missy.html

@Shara Do you watch Docotor Who? Cause I think now is great to start. I also recommend: Revenge, Scandal, Community, Parks and Rec, The Office, Doc Martin, Spaced, The IT Crowd. I would look for hour long shows or shows with 2 or more seasons cause before you know it you've watch 8 or 9 episodes or are halfway through season 3 and it's 4am. Great way to just zone and forget all about life stuff.

@EngNaturalBeauty@twitter Community. Good idea. I've watched a lot of Doctor Who, and Parks and Rec was a show we watched together. But he's never watched Community, and I've not caught up on the last couple seasons.

@Shara Misfits. British show, I believe it's on Hulu. It's one of the greatest things that ever happened to TV, and it's really excellent if you want to rock a depressed, TV-watching marathon. (I hope you feel better!)

@katiemcgillicuddy I've heard of that show. Loves me some BBC comedy. I'll check it out while I binge on mac and cheese (a good thing, since eating has not been a priority lately) and after I skype with my bff. Thanks!

LET'S TALK ABOUT OUR NAILS!!! I got shellac done for the first time this week (a really pretty dark shimmery brown, it's GORGEOUS) and so far...no chips! Before that I had gel nails for the first time, and AGAIN: no chips, two weeks. The gel wore really well, but the growing-out part bugged me. And it was heavy--heavy almost like fake nails? The shellac feels like normal polish, i.e., like I have nothing on--but I'm worried it won't last as long.

@The Lady of Shalott I love the way shellac polish looks, but for some reason it really totally messed up my nails. For six months, I got shellac paint when I had my nails done, but the taking off process always freaked me out due to the soaking in solvent and scraping aspect. My nails became really brittle without the polish on. It has been a few months since the last time I had shellac done, and my nails are just now getting to the point where all the damage has grown out. Never again.

@The Lady of Shalott I've never tried shellac, but I've been kind of obsessed with painting my nails lately, which has recently turned into a fear that I'm somehow ruining nails by never exposing them to light or air. Am I wrong? Please tell me I'm wrong, I just bought more nail polish

@The Lady of Shalott I had gel done several months ago for my friend's wedding, and I liked it okay, but the growing out was annoying and it just...doesn't seem right. Last night I removed the poorly-applied polish that was on them and just did a few swipes of clear, which I like but which makes me feel slightly like my second-grade self.

@frigwiggin The thing about the gel that drove me insane was that there was already a tiny sliver of space between my cuticle and the polish, when it was done--and I get that otherwise it wouldn't have set up right, if it touched the cuticle--but STILL, I felt like in two days it was already starting to grow out! I don't feel like that with the shellac so far.

Winter for some reason makes me want to have painted nails all the time.

@Fitzsimmons As the manicurist explained to me, gel is thicker and sturdier--it creates almost a fake-nail, super-hard super-thick nail. Shellac is like normal polish, except chip-resistant. Gel is also harder to take off, it requires more soaking in acetone to get it off--shellac comes off a bit easier. Gel is supposed to last 3-4 weeks, shellac about 14 days, I think.

@Lit Drunkard What damage? Nails can get stained, sure, but if they get a little yellow and you want to go bare nails or light polish for a while, hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball sorts that out.
Nails aren't living cells, so they don't need to breathe or anything. They're just a protective covering for your very important fingertips.

@The Lady of Shalott Maybe it is because I sometimes peel off the polish or use a bad nail polish remover, but my nails get white, cracked, and brittle when I keep them polished for long periods of time.

@Porporina Dude, you'll totally rock it. I did a Tough Mudder in September and was freaked out the night before and everything turned out great. I promise the adrenaline will take you far. One of the best experiences of my life, gonna do it every year from now on. KICK ASS TOMORROW.

*Oh, quick tip, bring masking tape. When you get to a particularly muddy obstacle, wrap your shoes up. When you finish, take the tape off, voilà! no caked up mud on your shoes, get more traction.

@katiemcgillicuddy Thanks dude! I'm terrified/excited (terricited? excitefied?). The race is in Fenway Park (which is part of why I wanted to do it...because that's just kind of neat!) and rumor has it that there will be little to no mud which makes me a little sad. I will bring masking tape just in case though! Thank much for the tip :)

@katiemcgillicuddy This guy:
http://www.spartanrace.com/fenway-park-obstacle-racing-spartan-sprint-2012.html
It's only 3 miles, so I'm pretty sure I'm freaking out about nothing...but all those stairs! Eeep! The marathon one (The Beast I think they call it?) looks freaking hardcore. I'm thinking about doing a Tough Mudder next year, I hear great things!

So a number of childless friends have posted things on FB this week about having kids and how it affects your money, your relationships, your overall level of happiness, etc... and the comments coming from the parents side of things are just sort of insane. And cliche. Clichane. Like one person who has been unemployed and is really barely making due talking about not being able to afford kids getting lots of "Oh, you just find the money somewhere! Adjust your priorities!" and "I haven't bought myself a single piece of clothing in five years but it's worth it whenever I look at my baby smile!" I'm sure families in shelters can probably tell you that sometimes you can't just find money "somewhere". And there was so many shades of "I'm so tired/fat/lonely/broke/frazzled/lacking spare time but whenever I see my baby smile/laugh/hug it's ALL WORTH IT." I'm sure having kids is truly rewarding, but after a week of ALL WORTH IT I do not want to hear that line again for a very, very long time. It just seems like such a flip response to people asking hard questions and people in less than great circumstances. /endrant

@parallel-lines Good lord, that IS clichane. Once I have this kid, if I suddenly turn into a sub-human being with no life or priorities of my own, you have my permission to shoot first and ask questions later.

ALSO, here's a question: how best to tell my parents that I won't be able to come home for Christmas this year? It'll be my first Christmas ever away from home--it's just too obscenely expensive to go, we'll only be able to go for like a week, we need to save the money...so it looks like my boyfriend and I will be spending Christmas at our own place. I am excited for this! I am SO NOT at all excited about telling my parents. I am legit freaked about telling them.

(But seriously, it's going to be like $900 a person to fly to where my parents live, from where I live. We don't have that kind of money, and I really don't want to accept such an expensive gift from my parents...graghggh.)

@The Lady of Shalott I think the only way to do it is to explain it like you did here - that it's not a question of wanting to go, but it's just not possible. And maybe say that you'd love to either have them visit over the winter to do a second Christmas, or to come visit them at an off-peak time when it's not so expensive?

But definitely tell them soon, because I think it'll be worse to hear that the closer to Christmas you get.

@The Lady of Shalott That sucks. We are not going home this year for the same reason, and it is not the first time. They might be more understanding than you think? Could you say you would rather come for longer when the flights are not holiday-expensive - as Ophelia beat me to it? Any chance they could visit you for New Years (my In-Laws did that, but of course that requires parents who are able to travel)? Do you have siblings/family that would be with your parents on Christmas?

@Marquise de Morville I am afraid they'll be mad at me--and I'm going to do my best to explain it as best I can, but like....my boyfriend's in the military and his time off is not like time off that normal people can get. And I don't have any siblings or family who'll be with them, either--they'll be alone (well, with each other, but still) and UGH. I mean, I know my parents' happiness is not my responsibility, but I'm afraid they're going to MAKE it my responsibility.

@The Lady of Shalott I (kind of) feel your pain. My parents are the married-but-don't-like-each-other type, and now that I'm married, I won't always be there to be their holiday distraction from each other. But, you're crafting a family of your own, and your parent's happiness is NOT your responsibility.

@The Lady of Shalott "Hey Mom and Dad - This kind of bums me out, but we were looking at airfare and it is close to $1000/person for us to come out for Christmas. And as much as I love spending the holidays with you, boyfriend and I find it hard to justify spending that much money when we wouldn't get to spend that much time with you. Instead, we're planning on having a quiet Christmas at home, and we'll figure out a non-peak time we can all visit."

@The Lady of Shalott It's hard, I hope they won't be too mad, although them just being sad would equally bad, but bringing it up sooner than later at least means that you have that behind you? Do you skype them? I usually 'hang out' with my parents that way, if you have less than 6h time difference that might work?

Since there will be no FOT on my birthday next Friday, I'll just talk about it on this one. Anyone else detest having holiday birthdays because no one is around with whom to celebrate/everyone forgets? Just me?

On the plus side, I am turning 25, and I am thrilled. I can't wait to not be the age anymore where people still kind of treat you like a dumb college kid. Something about 25 just makes other people treat you like more of an adult, it seems.

@olivebee Maybe? I am in my 30s and am still treated much in the way that "kids" are. I think it's less about age and more about societal milestones. You tend to be treated more like an adult when you are:
- married
- a parent
- a property-owner

I am none of these things, and people tend to treat me like I've just barely exited adolescence. Not in a bad way, I just don't feel related to in the way that people do to other adults.

@olivebee My favorite professor once told me that your early 20s suck, but it starts getting better once you turn 25. At least in my case, she was totally right. I was so excited to turn 25 that I bought a tiara and wore it for every birthday until I turned 30.

Anyway, my bday is a week before Christmas and I actually like it because I just call my birthday party a holiday party and people feel more obligated to come. Mwa ha ha.

@churlishgreen Thank you, and happy (early) birthday to you, too! Hope you get to do something fun for it this year!

@She was a retail whore Yeah, that makes sense. For as long as I can remember, I have been irritated by people either treating me like I am younger than I am or being the youngest person in a particular group (right now I am the youngest at my company, and it drives me nuts). I think it bothers me because a lot of people act like being older makes them more mature than you, so they look down on you in that "ha ha, you have so much to learn!" way. Anyways...happy to be almost out of my early-20s, and I am even more looking forward to my 30s.

@Daisy Razor That's a good way to get people to come, for sure! I don't think it would work as well for Thanksgiving as it does for Christmas, but maybe I'll try something similar next year.

@olivebee Happy early birthday!! I don't really have a holiday birthday (2 weeks before Christmas), but since college my birthday has always been during final exams and exactly zero people want to celebrate your birthday then. I am so excited for my 2013 birthday because it will be the first time in 7 years my birthday isn't interrupted by "Oh I would,but I really *have* to study."

@She was a retail whore Astute observation! I'm also in my 30s and those three things you listed don't apply to me either, so I do feel like I'm sometimes treated/related to in a different way by other adults.

Okay, Hairpin, I have finally anonymized myself (been intending to for ages) in order to ask this oversharing question: what is the secret to getting o.b. tampons (official 'Pon of the 'Pin?) inserted comfortably? I love their portability and non-wastefulness but I can only get them positioned right about 33% of the time. It seems like without the slipperiness of an applicator the tampon does not slide in smoothly and thus placing it far enough in is really difficult. Is this a problem that lube would solve? But carrying lube cuts into the portability factor. For what it's worth I don't think this is a psychological problem (not at all weirded out by the mechanics) nor a problem of proportion (my arms/hands are long enough to make it work). Suggestions are welcome.

@EllieTea Squat as deeply as you can, and then insert, rising when it's completely in? You may have to jiggle either the tampon or your lower half, depending on how smoothly it goes in (sorry if I am tmi-ing you). I have been using o.b. for so long now that I don't quite remember the details of (what must have been) a traumatic beginning to our relationship. The above method is what helped me insert the nuvaring, before I realized that an IUD was the way to go.

@EllieTea Positioning of your body: one foot on the toilet seat. And stick it alllll the way in. I think the main reason people use applicators is to get it far enough in that you can't feel it - plus to avoid touching anything (whatever, princesses ;) ). Use your finger to arrange it up there. Wipe finger and create fist while walking from public stall to public sink.

@gobblegirl Okay maybe I am the most inept person out there, but I can only use OB's at home/on weekends (so basically, somewhere I can wash my hands with my pants still down) because I cannot for the life of me put my pants back on without getting my vag'd finger all over them. Do you just wipe and deal with it? Or are people actually coordinated enough to zipper and button/snap without their finger(s)??

@EllieTea Get the ob tampons with the like, silk-touch whatever, covers. Pro-comfort. They slide in much better than the regular ones.

And then once you're comfy with that, the next step down the slippery slope are menstrual cups. Even better than ob tampons if you can get over the steep learning curve. In my opinion, anyways. *ducks*

@polka dots vs stripes I prefer to do this at home, where I can walk to the sink with my pants around my ankles, but for when it's absolutely unavoidable, I alway carry wet wipes in my bag. I'll fish one out at the same time I am preparing to insert a tampon. That still only gets me to the sink, but at least I can button up again to get there.

@She was a retail whore and everybody else: You people are awesome. I will definitely look for the tampons-for-professionals, which I'd never seen/heard of. And then, yes, Menstrual Cups: The Final Frontier.

Yes! and Yes! Tomorrow I'm hosting the second annual expat potluck thanksgiving dinner! Last year's was a success, so here's hoping tomorrow will go well. I'm making turkey, guests bring yummy sides and we EAT! NOt much to screw up there, I guess. All Pinners in Chile are invited!

@martinipie there's a facebook group "San Francisco Hairpinners" and also someone just sent something out on the google group. I've been meaning to reply since I am possibly interested and also not sure if people are coordinating but I feel like since I've wussed/lazied out of showing up to anything so far, I haven't.

This is my last weekend of clinical rotation for my first semester of nursing school! which means I will have my weekends back until mid-January! and it also means that I have completed one full semester of nursing school, and only have 6 more left! and haven't broken my 4.0 streak yet! so many exclamation points to type!!!!

We found out today that my dad's latest chemo treatment didn't work, meaning he needs a donor marrow transplant. That blows serious ass. But, here's where the request comes in. If you have any inclination at all, please please please sign up to be on the International Bone Marrow Registry.

Donating bone marrow isn't like it used to be in the old days, when they had to drill into your hips. Now, my dad tells me, they grab your stems cells in a fashion similar to donating plasma.

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I'm already registered, but it's a good reminder! It took me AGES to register after I first started thinking about it, but I'm glad I did (not that they've called me, but still).

Dear lord, please save me from the ridiculous demands of managers. I'm currently trying to explain that "they haven't seen this species since the 1990s, so it's probably so rare it doesn't matter!" is so not a valid reason for pretending it doesn't exist and that "land fish" isn't a good synonym for "freshwater fish".

On that note, my plans for the weekend are to drink myself to the point at which I forget this report exists.

I'm thinking I'll make some spaghetti carbonara when I get home. Y/N?
Also, it's looking like I might be doing a lot of work for Thanksgiving this year due to family circumstances (nothing sad, there's a baby that's a little reluctant to arrive). I'm...actually kind of jazzed about it? I love cooking and I've wanted to figure out how my mom gets this thing together every year, and with her emailing me instructions there's only so much I can screw it up. Plus even if everything's inedible, my family's pretty forgiving, as long as there's enough wine involved. Of course, come talk to me when I'm screaming at a raw turkey at 3 pm on Thursday afternoon.

@area@twitter Good luck! The feeling of finally conquering the bird is pretty awesome, no matter how much cursing and hand-wringing has come before it. It's my third year cooking, and I'm learning to streamline. My best advice is to be realistic about your time and resources and focus your efforts on dishes that are family favorites and/or that you like making. (Homemade dinner rolls were the first to be cut from my To Do list, since I hated making them and no one actually cared. Heat'n'serve it is!)

@area@twitter
Yay! I did this one year, and as long as you like to cook, and already own (or your mom owns) the right pans, it's pretty breezy as long as all you have to do that day is cook. Just remember to do some things a day or two in advance, and get started early on the turkey. Personally I brine and then squirt lots & lots of rosemary butter under its skin, but I'm sure your mom will have her own excellent recipe tips. Also have good cooking music! And maybe youger siblings to whom you can delegate small tasks and call upon to admire you and make last-minute trips to the grocery store! Have fun!

Can we talk about bladder infections? I was diagnosed with one the other day, but my symptoms aren't what I thought went along with those.

On three separate days spread out over three weeks, I have had a shitty combination of symptoms hit me like a brick in the morning and not go away until after I've gone to bed for the night. Dizziness, nausea, chest tightness/pressure, faintness (almost fainted at least 3x, but managed to sit or lie down first), and shakiness/trembling. Imagine a bad case of hypoglycemia combined with chest pressure and nausea, and it won't go away just by eating or resting. I had a low fever along with it the first time. I have missed work because of this.

I happened to have a doctor appointment the first day it happened, to talk about something else, and the doctor didn't know what to make of it. "Call us if it keeps up for a few days." But it went away. The next time, again, just a day. And once more on Tuesday, bam, there it was. Couldn't stay at work (which I hate doing to my coworkers.) Went to the pharmacy clinic. The NP took my vitals: normal blood sugar, blood pressure, temperature, pulse. I was shaking and couldn't stay warm. I had to wear gloves and my winter coat inside. She was really concerned and wanted to call an ambulance, but the ER was only 4 blocks away. No one nearby could drive me, so I said I would drive myself. I had to sign a form saying I was leaving against medical advice and wouldn't sue the pharmacy.

At the ER, my EKG was normal and my pregnancy screen was negative. My symptoms continued. After 7 freaking hours, the MD said I had a small bladder infection. "But there's no burning or itching or blood when I pee," I said.

She shrugged. "We'll give you some antibiotics."

"Okay, but are these normal symptoms of that?" I asked.

"It's the only thing we could find, so it might be just a bad reaction to it. If this keeps up, talk to a physician."

I was kind of pissed now. Seven hours to hear this? I stewed over it until the nurse came in to give me my release paperwork. She repeated that I should visit a regular doctor if these symptoms came back. I asked, "What is the doctor going to do here that you guys haven't?"

"They'll run some tests. The ER just looks for immediate, life-threatening problems."

Okay. So I've taken the antibiotics faithfully for three days, along with cranberry supplements. I'm not super-prone to UTIs and bladder infections (the doc said they're the same thing), but when I have had them, it was different. It was obvious something was wrong in that region. I'm frustrated by the answers and non-answers I've gotten, and I don't want to wait until another random day when these debilitating symptoms come back. Especially since I work in retail and it's holiday season and my team needs me.

So my question is two-fold. Have you ever heard of these symptoms from a bladder infection? And is there anything else that you immediately think could be going on?

Also, I haven't isolated any behavior or food or drink or what-have-you that might be setting this off, although I'm still racking my brain. I guess I'll try to just take tip-top care of myself and hope that helps, and do more research on bladder infections?

@whateverlolawants A few months ago my friend had a minor seizure and briefly passed out. She went to the emergency room and they deducted that the root cause was a UTI. I don't think she really had any symptoms before that. They put her on some antibiotics and that was the end of it.

@Ophelia They come all at once, although they wax and wane throughout the day: I might be more nauseous for a while, then that might subside (or might not), and the shakiness will get worse, then I'll feel well enough to work for 30 minutes, then I'll get faint... and so it goes all day.

@whateverlolawants if you have lower back pain when someone taps your back (have someone use their fist to lightly tap), then go to the doc--it could have spread up to your kidneys. do go to the doc and get your blood tested--i presume they looked at your white blood count to come up with the bladder infection diagnosis and give you the antibiotics, but it would be good to have a recheck. that's all i've got for now, though. hang in there. :(

@social theory Thanks for the tip. I just tried it myself and I don't think it was any more painful than it normally would be. After I did more reading that convinced me my symptoms could truly just have been from a bladder infection, I wasn't planning to go back to the doctor, actually. I didn't think it was necessary unless the symptoms came back. But maybe I should, just to check. Ugh.

I bought Ask Polly's memoir and I am excited! Also I am reading In One Person by John Irving and I THINK I like it, except the protagonist is so restless and pretty negative. And seriously how many exclamation marks, italics, and quotation marks can one novelist use?! It's too much. TOO MUCH.

@professionalmess I am always shocked that people post so much non-food content. I basically treat pinterest as my own personal cookbook, with the occasional "hey, I should wear something like this" or "this would be good to remember" pin.

@Porn Peddler So good!!! When I try to convince people to read it I tell them "It's one of those books that's so good you feel kind of bereft when it's over because this beautiful story that's been happening in your head is all over and there's no more to read"

@OwlOfDerision And also last night I went to a film screening in a taxidermist's workshop. There was a stuffed raven. I considered buying him, calling him Fortescue, and carrying him everywhere on my wrist in the manner of a falcon. But then I realised I'm single enough and there's no need to make it worse.

@Cawendaw "Look, who do you think you are, asking for federal research funding? Do you think we don't know that you've been sending liaisons to the Pentagon? We know. We know it all. I only want to say it once: lay off. Our laser guns still work."

I'm reading Villette and identifying a little too much with Lucy Snowe, specifically the summer of doom and gloom and isolation. And I know from reading the old Hairpin articles that it's not going to get better. Why?!
Also, I am going to my first ever Pinup in Boston on Sunday. Eep!
Also also, haircut time! Woo hoo! Does anyone else get haircuts when they're feeling depressed?

I know I said this upthread already but NEW YORK COME TO HIFI TOMORROW AT 4PM. I will buy you dumplings afterward from the Dumpling Man, or possibly a 'dog from Crif Dog, or even a pudding from the ridiculous handcrafted pudding shop, cuz St. Marks ain't that far away. That is a stone cold promise I am making right now to whoever so get your asses there NOW*

Also, I saw Tribes last night and it was pretty amazing. It's a play at the Barrow St. Theater about the deaf son of a hearing family who falls in love w/ a partially-hearing woman from a deaf family. So it's about (a) fucked up families and (b) intersectional identity, so for a certain type of person (like me!) it is incredible. The lead is a partially deaf actor who played grown-up HW in There Will Be Blood, and he is a total babe.

Sadbrain update to my people: Wellbutrin is working, and it's weird as hell. Like my malignant, intrusive thoughts have persisted, but where they hit me right in my feelings and pushed me toward self-harm, they now just... don't connect. It's like there's a thick grey wall between my brain and my heart. Which is nice! But it's weird. It's like having a really chatty friend inside your head but you're just tuning him out.

Still tired tho, mainly because (a) I've got a whole ton of work to get done and (b) because of a thing that may or may not come up in the next month and change, I've been making a timeline of my experience as a PDD-NOS kid and it's really depressing to look back on my life and how strange I've always been.

What all are you going to do for Thanksgiving? I was gonna make these but I don't think my interior decorations are modern enough - http://punchfork.com/recipe/Pumpkin-Cheesecake-Shooters-Skinny-Taste

@Ophelia Edith Z (who I call "Eedz", but not to her face) told me once IN PERSON that there will be an official December pinup and certain Awl someones may make an appearance?? I don't know if that's truly in the cards, but if it is, hoo boy I hope I haven't left New York for good by that point.

@meetapossum Well they aren't strictly free I'd just be paying for them, see. It's a little place on St. Marks, between 1st Ave and Ave A. Not the BEST dumplings I've ever had, but who wants to go all the way to Flushing? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh and ANOTHER thing that's going on with me is that I've been having some stabbing / searing foot pain lately, and my mom has been pressuring me to see a neurologist, just because she's had nerve damage in her feet for several decades and it's prevented her from doing many of the things she loves and tormented her on a near-daily basis. She's pretty sure it's genetic. Parents!

@realtalk Oh we're not that great honestly, unless you like publishing people.* I tried to get Jim Behrle to commit to coming tomorrow but he's a slippery one and I'm pretty sure he was drunk when we twit-chatted

I am insured via my uni, thankfully, though I have to get in touch with my provider tomorrow and see what my options are (since I'm out of state). I was gonna go on a run today but my dad "the doctor" advised against it and says I either stretched a nerve hoisting things (very possible, best case scenario) or this is indeed an inborne illness (also possible, worst case scenario). Both would suck, but one less so!

I got my greyhound!!!!! He is currently sleeping in the corner and he is showing zero interest in the cat. The cat is confused about this big lanky deer-dog, and she is wondering why he isn't trying to chase her. Here is a picture of him with his new toys! http://imgur.com/X2JrW

@thisisunclear If you have any specific questions about bar and bat mitzvahs I've been to at least 25, scattered across the US and Canada and the Conservative, Reform, and Reconstructionist denominations. So I feel qualified to answer.

@thisisunclear
It was for C.'s classmate, a 25-year-old convert, so actually probably duller for the absence of (someone else's) family drama, and with the reading not being by a 13-year-old under duress. Anyway, I survived by chatting up a UofC legal writing teacher.

@area@twitter
One time I was crossing the street and this BIG ANGRY CAR whipped around the corner and slammed to a halt, and the driver was furious, and the car went likeblooot
could not stop laughing.

For some reason I keep watching the Wizards pretend to play NBA basketball. Obviously, I hate myself. I really think they should do something other than play basketball at this point, there must be something they are good at.

@meetapossum Yeah, what the hell happened there? The Bungles? Really??

@area@twitter I think we'll do well against Philly, they are something of a mess. Also, SKINS/COWBOYS ON THANKSGIVING, YES PLEASE. Has anyone ever seen stupid Rob Ryan in the same room as Kenny Rogers?!!?

@meetapossum I am going to regret admitting this but, dudefriend has a totally grown-up, nice house and is a normal adult human being...except for the framed picture of of one Elisha Nelson Manning in his bedroom.

@katiemcgillicuddy: No complaints here, just feverish hopes for this Sunday!

Also, as I was dropping my husband off at a bar tonight, there were an unusual amount of crows roaming around Charles Village. Crows and ravens are both part of the corvida family so.. good omen??? I choose to think so.

@RK Fire Oh man, as much as I love my Ravens fan friends, whenever they score a TD, they run outside and go, "CAW CAW CAW" and it makes me crazy (because I'm jealous, but whatever). I would say, yes good omen, and also, there is a great little place for breakfast/brunch right near 29th street, do you have any idea what I'm talking about? Near Guilford?

MAN! I need to run around and start cawing! That is kind of hilarious and none of my friends do that AND it would probably crack my husband up. I am going to be watching Sunday night's game at the home of a couple we're friends with, and the husband half of the couple is a Steelers fan! So no cawing for me on Sunday.

As an aside, my husband has a bet going with the same guy that between the Redskins/Eagles and Ravens/Steelers game, if the PA teams lose our friend has to drink a 40, and if they win my husband will drink a 40. If one team loses and the other wins, they both have to drink 40s.

Also, I think I know where you're talking about: Pete's Grill? I still haven't been yet but it seems to be practically an institution up here.

@area@twitter Robert Fucking Griffin The Third, AMIRITE?! At one point he ran like, 70 yards in order to gain 2. He is the Messiah. He is the alpha and the omega, our north, our south, our east and west, I thought Brian Billick was going to cry at one point watching him run. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life writing, "Mrs. Robert Griffin III" on everything.

@katiemcgillicuddy: I might be down for that! Let me double check with my husband.. I think we may have another party to go to because, as you might imagine, we've all been discussing this game for ages.

Also, in case you were wondering, my friend had to back out of the bet last night because he came down with a stomach bug! It's a good thing he did too because otherwise he would've had to drink two 40s.. muahahahahaha

@RK Fire Yeah, totally, I often head up to Baltimore and go to Mother's or another joint with my buddies any time they play each other, so I know there is plenty going on. We can always pick another game, or just watch some playoffs when they start, no matter who is playing.

So I have a secret santa friend who is a globe-trotter. She's sent me postcards from Thailand, Montenegro, and Kyrgyzstan and traveled extensively in central Asia. What's a good ($15ish) gift for such an accomplished traveler?

@thiscallsforsoap Fan, handkerchief, compass, notebook and pen were the companions of all my labors when I was Living Internationally. Of those, I think handkerchief and notebook were the ones always in need of replacement. And maybe those orange liquid bags for airport security? Also she might appreciate some idiosyncratic food thing from her home country if you live there (I recently sent maple butter, wild rice, and a bunch of US hippie food to a Canadian living in Tokyo).
Also, if you know what cell phone she has, you can probably get a pocket sized solar charger for it.

@Cawendaw I second the bags for airport security and would also add in a large pashmina-y scarf for when you're in coach, and it's freezing, and the blanket they give you is teeny-tiny. I see them for sale for like $10 at the mall all the time, so I'm sure there are secret-santa-price-level options? Also, a collapsible water bottle.

@Daisy Razor Also those pocket emergency raincoats that are about the size of an icepack run about 15 dollars. I still haven't used mine but I've carried it around since 2010 and it's always good to have extra rain protection.

@Daisy Razor There is this really cool thing I got for my sister (and she got for my dad - whoops!) last Christmas. It is a world map, but you scratch off all the places you've been! I really want one. This is one website that sells it: http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/gift-home-office/my-scratch-map/30000539.html But if you just google 'scratch off map' you'll find them all over.

@Daisy Razor Ooh, do you live near a Uniqlo? I was there today and they had these tiny down things that you can use as either a cape or a little blanket. They were 20e, so maybe a bit expensive, but I WANT ONE. Also, Nalgene makes awesome travel shampoo/pills/liquid bottles--hard to break and totally watertight. You can get them at EMS.

@Daisy Razor I've found that American people who extensively travel tend to hanker for American candy after awhile! But only if they've been gone for awhile / they have a sweet tooth as all good folk do.

@Porn Peddler Here's the thing: melis is right that Blackboard owns Angel, but Angel FUCKING SUCKS in different ways than Blackboard which simply re-organizes itself nigh daily whereas Angel is just clunky and obtuse and weird, and also, trying to moderate online classes is a terrible terrible awful thing. I feel bad for everyone involved.

@frigwiggin Ensemble, c'est tout by Anne Gavalda. I think the English title is Hunting and Gathering? It was a bestseller in France a while back, and they made a movie of it with Audrey Tatou! My friend gave it to me when he visited the U.S. in 2011, but I kept being lazy and intimidated by all the words I didn't know. (Also, the beginning is pretty slow.) But now I can't stop reading it, even if I still don't know so many words, sigh.

@frigwiggin I'm reading Pearl of China by Anchee Min, which is enjoyable. I've had Siddharta sitting on my kitchen table for months and I'm going to read it next. I'm kind of holding off because I'm afraid (1)it won't be as good as I've imagined it or (2) it's going to blow my mind and I won't be able to stop rambling on about it and boring everyone, in that irritating "OMG YOU GUYS BUDDHISM" way.

@Summer Somewhere I read that this summer! And I got to the end and was confused about what I thought of it. I think I expected it to be something else, after years of hearing about it in hushed and reverent sort of tones. But I keep thinking about it now and then which is generally a good sign!

Also, I am currently reading Elementals by Francesca Lia Block, because I saw it at the library and loved Weetzie Bat when I was sixteen.

@frigwiggin I am attempting Mysteries of Udolpho, and it is a HORRENDOUS SLOG so far. Today I actually rolled my eyes on the subway because I discovered I was only a quarter of the way through. WHITHER THE GOTHIC CHILLS?

Also "The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms" by N.K. Jemisin, but I've barely touched that. Argh where does the time go?

@frigwiggin just finished "How to be a Woman" by Caitlin Moran which is SO good and I'm probably going to turn around and re-read it next week bc I finished it too quickly. In the meantime I'm reading "This is How You Lose Her" by Junot Diaz which is pretty good so far.

@LacunaKale I read about this place in NYT and went last. Not high dining but we played scrabble and atari at our table, drank draft beer, and the one guy working made all the food. If you like quirky I would reccomend, http://www.bonjourquebec.com/qc-en/tourist-services-directory/restaurant/la-cuisine_239265748.html

Also if you can go to Ile De Orleans go and taste wine! And black currant liquor! We bought a bottle and made sangria as they suggested and it was phenomenal.

@LacunaKale Oh man. Have the BEST time in Québec City. It is one of my favourite places.
Go to Le Moine Enchanson on rue St Jean Baptiste. It's a cozy little wine bar with amazing regional food. Not cheap, but not break-the-bank expensive. I was there at the end of august and had a chilled tomato soup, and boudin noir. It was also super nice as a solo diner—cozy enough to just enjoy its ambiance.
Also, if you have any interest in beer, take the ferry to Lévis and go to the Corsaire microbrewery. It's right by the docks. If you can't make it to Lévis, I recommend La Souche in Vieux-Limoilou, a really fun little neighbourhood spot with super awesome local beers. When I was there on a Tuesday night I got to see an improv show that just happened to be going on.
Bon voyage!

Attention Melbournianites: I am seeking a new housemate! Are you, or some lovely person you know, looking for a home? It's a really pretty house with a big yard in Preston, the bedroom is large with built in wardrobes, and you would be living with two librarians and two cats.

@tea sonata I wish you had. I accidentally halved the butter in one double-batch I made, so now on top of the mountains of cake I *planned* to have, I also have one fat "edible but not really good enough to bring to a party because it only has half the butter" cake and one batch of similarly themed cupcakes. I need a tea sonata to come eat all of this up.

Hairpin! Here is a heartwarming tale. An IRL friend of mine is having a rough year, and she happened across a post on here that really resonated with her in light of what she's been going through - she told me it was so good she almost cried. I told her she should check out the comment section, and apparently she was already on top of that (rose) and loved that too. Anyway, I'm being vague on purpose because it's not really my story, but I wanted to say, thank you for lightening my friend's load.

@I'm Right on Top of that, Rose I just saw how that was a confusing way to phrase it. What I meant was, she had already checked out and fallen in love with the comment sections here. In other words she was already on top of that (and then I saw an opening for a little joke about your name).

In other news, I hear that jokes get even more funny the more you over-explain them.

@stonefruit See, the problem here is that I totally understood what you were saying, and then I awkwardly made a weirdo comment about it. So I ruined it. I RUINED IT. Sorry. (Thanks for the shout out. Get yer friend on here and a'commentin' away.)

@stonefruit At my friends' Arrested Development party we discussed juiceboxes, and at the end I asked, "So... does anyone else here read The Hairpin?" One girl did (as does my roomie occasionally) but she didn't remember what "juicebox" means in these parts.

But she likes this site! And I told her I'd bring her to the next Pin-Up.

Also, we decided we can't adopt "juicebox" in our circle, because that's one girl's nickname. Her best friend is called Sugar Tits.

Okay, guys? It's really bad form to host your own baby shower, right? And to be the one inviting people to it? Right?

Or is this okay now, and I am just being crankypants? Full disclosure: the mom-to-be in question has been aggravating me so much with the constant mommy-jacking on Facebook and when we get together in a group, that I am definitely crankypants, but am I also correct about that being bad form?

@katekari Yes, it is bad form. Baby showers are by definition about being "showered" with presents to welcome you to parenthood and it is totally tacky to throw a party for yourself with the express purpose of acquiring things.

(Grumpy pedantic me also totally bristles about someone having a party explicitly billed as a baby shower for each child, because, hello! You transition from non-parent to parent ONCE in your life. Also, I am envious of people who have big families and enough friends who want to celebrate their lives. I am also hungry and cranky right now).

UGH! I am waiting for somebody to send me something so I can go home and get to my girls weekend which will involve two adorable puppies and lots of wine AND they already sent it but did it wrong so now I have to wait more and I'm meeting my friend at 5:30 and TICK TOCK TICK TOCK.

I got a job I got a job I got a job!!! It's temporary, but for the first time this year I will be WORKING FOR MONEY! I'm so excited and relieved I was buzzing all day yesterday. And today. But some of it is probably the fumes from the painters in the hallway.

@LacunaKale I knooooooowwww, but what if the layers mix and it doesn't set and then I go to cut into it at Fakesgiving tomorrow and it collapes into a weird pile of sugar and cream cheese, and everyone laughs?

Crust: package of Trader Joe's vanilla snap cookies, half a cup of pecans, 4 tablespoons of melted butter. Grind up in a food processer until it's the consistency of damp sand, then press into a springform pan.

Cheesecake: 3 packages cream cheese (I use neufchatel), 3 eggs, 1 cup sugar, 1.5 tablespoons flour, 2 teaspoons vanilla, a pinch of salt. Bring the cream cheese to room temperature, then beat the hell out of it with a mixer of your choice. Add the sugar, then the eggs, vanilla, salt, and flour. I usually just leave the Kitchenaid running while I'm making the crust, probably 5-10 minutes.

Baking and assembly: Preheat oven to 350. Pour the cheesecake batter into the crust so that it fills the pan about halfway, then carefully, gently, so very gently, spoon the pecan pie filling on top. Bake for about an hour, or until the middle is set.

@laurel I don't know, doesn't it make you a little crazy? I had a neighbor try to hang himself while he was on chantix a few years back, and since then I am kind of terrified of those drugs. I think they work by blocking seratonin or some other happy chemical in your brain, and that freaks me out. I don't want to be depressed!

@lasso tabasco My dad took one of them for a while, and it can make you act weird, but I think if you have someone watching your back it can be okay. He didn't get depressed, just weird. For example, he's a really easy going guy, but he got in an argument over something tiny and unimportant, and would not let it go, then later he said how stupid it was, but that it had seemed so important in that moment to win that stupid argument

You probably don't want to hear this, but cold turkey worked for me. The physical cravings really taper off after 10 days or so, then you're just left with the knee-jerk reaction: after a meal; with coffee, with drinks, etc. I realized that my urge to smoke usually coincided with some other desire. Either I was hungry and couldn't take time out to eat just then, or my job was making me crazy, or I was simply annoyed that I had to stop for a stoplight. Basically, I wanted something I couldn't have and so I had a cigarette instead to soothe myself. Not a very smart move.

@lasso tabasco I used to smoked socially and when I was stressed. I quit cold turkey after a period of smoking a lot more than normal (stupid awful break up) and getting to a point where I was sick of how much I was smoking and the smell/taste stopped being enjoyable. It also helped that it was getting really expensive, I was a poor grad student, and I started dating someone who didn't smoke.

Admittedly, I still bum from friends when we go out drinking, but I haven't bought a pack for myself in years. It stopped being my go-to stress release. Now I'm back to chewing my nails and eating my feelings.

@lasso tabasco I smoked for 12 years and quit 2 years ago! I was really sick and didn't smoke for about a week but then I went to my doctor to ask about staying quit and she prescribed Zyban/Wellbutrin. That stuff gave me Anger Rage (tm) so I gave up on it after 2 days. BUT I started going to the gym and laid off the coffee and booze and other triggers (and hung out more with non smoking friends) and after 2 weeks I was kind of human again. Now I smell nice(er) and I get to spend money on all the things at Sephora and Beacon's Closet.

I had attempted to quit before and I think journaling helped- figuring out what times of day I was smoking, and why, and what activities/feelings/foods contributed to cravings. Also, I hope this isn't a cop out but like anything else in life it's most successful if you're really ready. I hated smoking and it was affecting my health (and now I have asthma) but I still was doing it.

Read up on it, get support from loved ones. Some places offer smoking cessation groups which may be helpful. Good luck, and keep us updated!

@lasso tabasco Currently, today, I have not had a cigarette for two whole weeks. I am a naughty social smoker, and have been for years, and I'm ready to kick the habit. It's worse when I have a pint in my hand... I also may or may not smoke weed occasionally so I figure just kick the whole lot out in one go.
I went to a friends party two weeks ago, woke up the next morning wheezing like IDONTKNOWHAT, so I thought to myself, "That's it. I am a non-smoker". And every morning I tell myself I am a non-smoker. And for some batshit insane reason I'm doing ok. I've not been drinking, which may be why, but I'm proud of 2 weeks so far.

@lasso tabasco: No, Zyban is the same as Wellbutrin, an anti-depressant. It's a prescription for a reason, in that it's not for everyone (see @DamnHippies who describes his/her experience as well as some good habits) and should be administered under a doctor's care, but it doesn't block "seratonin or some other happy chemical in your brain".

How do I tell if I have a UTI or a yeast infection? I'm already on (unrelated) antibiotics, so a UTI will probably go away on its own? Unless it's a drug-resistant UTI, which seems unpleasant. Yeast would make more sense, but also my main symptom is always having to pee + burning when I pee, so...

@sarantium@twitter I've never had a yeast infection, but boy howdy have I had some UTIs and "always having to pee + buring when you pee" are sure signs of a UTI. Sorry. It is possible it will maybe clear up on your own since you're already on antibiotics for something else, but I would still call your doc or gp (or get thee to a minute clinic or something) just in case. Like you said, there are drug-resistant strains, and (in my experience, at least) different antibiotics have worked more or less well at times.

@sarantium@twitter Yeast infection= (and forgive me for being graphic here) (also this is only in my experience) itching IN your ladyparts. Always having to pee+burning when you pee sounds like a UTI to me. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon!

@sarantium@twitter It scares me that we're your only hope we are strangers on the internet okay we know lots of things about cat videos and probably not a lot about your body

That said, UTIs for me often involve "feeling like you always have to pee, even when you've already peed, and there's definitely no more than 2 mL in you, but you feel the urgent need!!!!!" It certainly sounds to me like you've acquired a magical UTI. The antibiotics thing is interesting, but not conclusive.

Hie thee to a doctor; get some Cipro; drink lots of water. Don't attempt the heal-self-with-counter-drugs-from-Target method.

@sarantium@twitter Good lord. If you've been on Cipro for four months (holy balls, I've only gotten prescriptions for like... ten days of it!) I would really really encourage you to hit up the doctor. I'm also a PPhood reliant person, and this seems worth it.

@sarantium@twitter I seem to remember reading a while back that taking anti-biotics for a long time makes you prone to yeast infections. Something to do with the anti-biotics killing off the good bacteria that live down in your lady bits and throwing the ph off-balance. That allows the yeast to grow a bit out of control.

Here's a question for any of you that work for a magazine, blog, news outlet, or some such—

How? How do you do it? What is going to happen to magazines? Is going after jobs at print magazines now, as a mid-twenties person, a very foolish thing to do? What would be the smart thing to do if I'm someone whose dream job is an editor at a literary/current events weekly or monthly magazine? DO I NEED TO START A BLOG? I am really not one for self-promotion/having my name on the internet. HELP.

I have met with several media/magazine/journalism people this fall, asking for career advice, and the advice I got varied from "You don't blog? How do you expect to ever do anything ever if you don't have any experience and you don't have a blog or twitter? What's wrong with you?" -to- "The thing you're telling me you want to do is not a job anymore." These are both probably true things, but it isn't at all what I want to hear.

So, I would love to hear from any of you who maybe work in this field and have any thoughts on this. Advice wanted! Anecdotes also very much appreciated.

@nevergiveaninch Ummm yeah you kinda have to live where magazines get published, unless you want to freelance, but usually to get the freelance jobs you have to hobnob with magazine peeps via internships. And having a blog definitely counts, because already having a following is really important for these types of jobs.
Oh and be prepared to intern forever, basically.

i know, i know. and that's part of the problem, i think—there are so many people our age (i assume you're in your twenties somewhere) who are bright and good writers and went to great schools and want to do exactly this. meanwhile the whole industry has changed and old people don't understand how the internet/making money works, or at least don't trust it yadda yadda no jobs for young people whose parents don't have an in at the paris review or whatever. it is hard. good luck to you! i think i'll start my own magazine one day; circumvent all this trying-to-get-hired stuff.

@nevergiveaninch
Hello! I've been in the city for a few years, and I have a bit of experience with this - I interned at an online magazine, and I've worked in / have friends in book publishing, which is also flagging.

And, yes, at this point working at a magazine is kind of like being a successful actor, or musician, or otherwise magical pony, where nobody can understand how you are actually real. It is still totally possible - anything is possible - and of course you have to chase after that dream. People do work at magazines - but a lot of the time, they're either the cream of the crop of people who can't find a job in magazines anymore, or they got an internship through a powerful friend of the family and hobnobbed their way into the magazine by also happening to be brilliant at magazine-working. (Note: I think this applies to a lot of entry-level success stories in NYC. Just sending out your blank resume does not cut it anymore.)

I would make Mediabistro your friend, if you haven't already. I would also make a list of reasons WHY you want to work at a magazine. Really specific ones, like:

"Surrounded by hardworking team of creative people who do what they love"
or
"I get to write... about things that matter to me"
or
"I really want to work somewhere that feels laid-back and hip, where there's beer in the office fridge, and people smoke on the roof, because I don't give a shit about uptight offices"

Now, you'd get all of these at a magazine job. Although even #1 and #2 aren't for sure, I think. But you'd get #1 and #3 at a creative advertising agency, and #1 and #2 writing web copy, press releases, or grants for a nonprofit whose cause you care about.

If magazines are what you want - then you've just gotta knock against that industry like a battering ram of persistence and well-written clips. But there are also many related ones that might surprise you in how interesting they are. I don't know if you've heard of "medical advertising agencies", but they're the only kind of ad agency that's actually doing well these days. Cement Bloc was one place I interviewed at - it's incredibly laid-back there, and everyone was talking about the bands they're in on the weekends, the music blogs they write for.

My plan was to intersperse my lame Suprematist shapery with short interviews with people I like and who do cool things. I've already got a smattering of folks onboard! But I have yet to actually come up with the questions. People are telling me I'm the person who should come up with them, but I am really not that clever - they're either going to be boring, or melodramatic, or abstract in that thinks-its-clever-but-isn't way. Does anyone have tips? Should I just go with the James Lipton standard set?

@Danzig!: I'm doing the Sketchbook project too, although I'm just going to draw in it.. o_O

I am actually slightly afraid that people are going to judge my drawings for being too mediocre and more appropriate for a high school student.. between the quality of drawing and the fact that the first two pages already have two drawings of my husband.

@RK Fire I have the same problem! You go online to their site and the examples they show, just a few pages, are so, so good.

I have no background in visual art whatsoever and basically just use lines and traces and shapes and colors to create... well, shapery. Calling it "Suprematist" was probably in error, I lack discipline / restraint / vision. I was gonna include collage elements but I'm worried they'll fall apart / the project will reject them. If they do, hopefully they'll send it back to me!

@Danzig!: I didn't know what Suprematist meant! Honestly, it just sounded fancy and not "just sketches." Anyway, it's cool that you have a plan and are intending to add stuff to it! I didn't even think about it until I got in the mail and read all of the bits about how you can't add too much to it or else it own't fit into the alotted space.

@Dale: WOOOOOO!

@all: Honestly, I can kind of draw but I have done it so inconsistently through my life and I've met so many actual artists that I find it somewhat intimidating. I like drawing as almost a meditative practice but that tends to mean that I can only draw what's in front of me and I'm pretty terrible at drawing something I imagine. BUT! I was planning on having the Sketchbook Project be a way to force me to get in the habit of drawing again. It's such an interesting and democratic project.

Fun plans for the weekend: FREAKING OUT about my sewing machine breaking down this past Tuesday, putting me way behind on all of my projects. Upside (? HA! What upside) is that maybe I can work a bit on my photography project instead, depending on the rain.

I am so tired today, though, that I can hardly think straight. I tried having a latte but after 1/3 of the cup I have a tummyache, so no caffeine boost for me.

HI HAIRPIN. I had a near-meltdown this morning as a result of not eating breakfast. I didn't realize this until later. EAT BREAKFAST, y'all.
Also, I got things in motion with the asking-for-a-raise process this week, which was terrifying but looks positive so far! Apparently it's a slow process at my company, so cross your fingers for the foreseeable future.

Also also I got a shit-ton of stuff done today, after I finally ate. Don't forget to eat, guys. It's important or some such.

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher I make a thing is a blender in the morning if I have to run out of the door, I feel like a health dork, but it has totally saved me so many times.

Also I always have a bag of nuts like Almonds in my pocket or desk, and a bar of dark chocolate- in case I forget to eat - nuts are amazing if you are not allergic to them, have saved the day many times, keep well are not messy and are bite sized!

@yeah-elle I did watch it, but I really am not sure what you're referring to, unless it is a certain someone's beard. No wait, yes I do. I was actually more weirded out since that chick is on American Horror story also, which also airs on Wednesday.

@Megano! I love his face and I am usually a fan of beards, but I am so glad that beard looks like it will be gone next week. I feel like I've seen him with facial hair before and it has not looked that weird.

@anachronistique Ughhhh Romola Garai's face just...I felt like crying and throwing up at the same time. This show does things to my feelings, I can't help itttt. Remember last season when Lix told her story about having a friend once and realizing that it wasn't him, but her, that was useless? I spontaneously burst into tears. It was like flipping a switch, augh.

@yeah-elle Remember that bit in the Simpsons where Lisa is fake-dating Ralph Wiggum and dumps him live on Krusty's show? And Bart goes "If you go frame by frame, you can see the exact second his heart rips in half"?

Yeah. YEAH. And Romola is such an astonishing actress that it's even more heartbreaking.

But on the less depressing side: Lix! PETER CAPALDI YESSSS. And Marni, oh god. Wait, no, that's also depressing. Though I adore her pink top and chevron skirt. Also I kind of wonder if this season is focusing more on Bel, since the first season focused more on Freddie. But that's just conjecture.

@anachronistique Yes, ugh her face! Her face! It hit a bit too close to home for me, I think.

I am super super excited for Lix and Randall's backstory. Lix is a queen. And Marnie's story is super depressing so far but I hope it develops into one of righteous badassery on her part. When she stood up in the restaurant and talked back to him I nearly applauded my screen.

@sarantium@twitter It depends. Are you gonna be like my coworker who buys shoes and jewelry and then can't pay her phone bill and is unreachable for days when everyone is sick and can't work and she's really needed? If not, I think it's okay. :)

@sarantium@twitter I think you should show us the shoes so we can judge.
But
To echo whateverlolawants, what kind of broke? I say I'm broke all the time, but I usually mean "I should use my money more responsibly or save it in case I need to do something responsible later." as opposed to "If I buy this, I won't be able to pay rent or buy groceries this week.

@professionalmess That's what I mean when I say broke. I know people who mean it the other way, though, so it's smart of you to make that distinction. "I'm broke, guys" means I shouldn't go on that vacation with my friends next year, not that some bill of mine won't get paid. Carumba.

I am graduating law school in 5 weeks (yay!!). This week I found out that I didn't get a fellowship that I really wanted (boo!!). I'm still disappointed, but I'm trying to channel my sadness into finding a job.

The adviser in the career office suggested that I apply for a job that was recently posted, and it seems like a fine job, but it is very much not what I intended to start my career with (if it means anything to anyone, I want to work in child welfare and it's a clerkship).

Obviously applying for the job is not at all a guarantee that I even get interviewed, but I kind of feel like if I try to get this job, I'm giving up on my original dream or something. But I feel like if I am too picky, I'll be unemployed and in debt forever. Help?

@professionalmess Definitely apply. You can always keep looking for alternatives even after you got the position, and in the mean time, you'd be paying your bills. A year or so spent at a non-ideal job is probably worth it if you can make a dent in your loans.

@professionalmess I completely agree with @Blackwatch Plaid. Besides having an income, you can always use the experience as a resume booster that shows that you have been working when you do find a child welfare job later down the line. It can never hurt to be open-minded about your first job because you can always switch jobs later.

Is it too late for advice? Too bad, I'm gonna ask anyway!
So, yeah: Right now I'm going to school full time on an academic scholarship, meaning I need to maintain a certain GPA to stay afloat. I'm managing this right now, but I know that if I get much busier, it won't be so easy. Add to this the fact that I'm working two jobs (one which I love, the other which I like) totaling about 32 hrs a week. NOW, here's what I need advice about. I might be offered a Research Assistant position in my field of study in the coming weeks. Assuming I get it, how the hell do I make this work? I know the answer is probably "quit the job you only sorta like", but I could still use any specific advice you may have. Early twenties, man- they are difficult.

@Blackwatch Plaid I vote quit the job you only sorta like, but first stock up on heaps of clothes from there while you still get your discount. Alternatively, could you cut your hours back at that job?

@Blackwatch Plaid
You might not fall over from exhaustion, but will the constant exhaustion prevent you from Enjoying Things In General?

Two of my friends are very successful because they pack their calendars full to the brim with commitments and jobs and classes and very hard ones at that, and then realize how insane everything is and study all night, every night, and they get everything done and it all turns out well but they're stressed out the whole time and can never relax...

@Blackwatch Plaid
Question: How do you manage your life with a 32 hour-a-week work life + degree?
I'm trying to do something similar and managing a nutrition and dietetics course alongside a job that pays for a decent lifestyle... not a thing I think I'll be able to manage without being super cranky all the time.
Seriously interested, though - how do you do it?

@amirite I have no idea if any of these are on Canadian Netflix, but I watch documentaries on American Netflix a lot.
-Let's Talk About Sex: sex ed/experiences of teens with sex ed and their parents
-This Film Is Not Yet Rated: movie ratings in the US and the bias they have against women's sexuality among other things
-A Complete History of my Sexual Failures: lonely guy tries to figure out why he can't keep a woman by reaching out to (stalking?) ex-girlfriends. This sounds horrible, but I found parts humorous.

If you change your mind about babies: Babies!

I also have Being Elmo in my queue and now I don't know how I feel about watching it.

@nevergiveaninch From what I understand, we here in Canada are copyright heathens, in that we do not prosecute individuals who illegally download, and so a lot of American companies refuse to license stuff to us for streaming. So we have a slightly crappier Netflix, bit there's still some really good stuff on there.

@professionalmess: we have all of those except Let's Talk About Sex. We do have the Miseducation of Shelbey Knox though. Thanks! I keep hearing good things about the puppeteer movie but I am also suspicious as to how it's a whole movie and not a 5-minute spot on a news show.

@Danzig! Oh man, I wish we had Paris is Burning! That might have to go on my pay actual money to rent list.

@Danzig! Love that movie, definitely worth a rewatch. I used to visit Winnipeg every summer, so I get nostalgic for it, although I would not want to love there. It is pretty much as weird as Maddin's makes it out to be, but not always in a charming way.

@nevergiveaninch Was not offended, actually kinda flattered, because this is how I feel about a lot of countries I wish I lived in like say, all of Scandinavia.... Just is funny because to say we get a "Canadian" version of Netflix mainly refers to the content we dont see- we get mostly American shows, It's the same thing when you get the "this content is not viewable in your area" thing on YouTube....

@yeah-elle it was so great, he is such a generous performer, no opener, played for 3 hours, thanked every member of his crew by name (even the guy who does his monitor mix!) and routinely took of his hat to fellow musicians any time they took a solo, that is one classy and handsome old man. You get that sense from the music sure, but it's another thing all together to see it live !

@j-furr Yes, it was the same when I saw him about 4 years ago! Unbelievably generous, and I was amazed at his energy, given his age and the length of his show and the fact that he plays another show almost every night, it seems. Ahh, it was just a dream come true to see him. I never imagined that he'd go on tour again and that I'd get the chance to see him.

@downcomforter HA! I think I spend about 50% of my waking hours worrying about this. That said, I'm SURE they're not judging you. I mean, unless, did they force everyone to play "Never Have I Ever?" Because that happened to me recently, and there was judgment on all sides.

Anyone have advice about coming to terms about the fact that a family member is mentally ill? I've always thought my mother's troubles were more than the kind of stuff my friends complained about when they talked about their own families, and it turns out this is true. Unfortunately, it took the shit really hitting the fan (aka a nearly successful suicide attempt) to get the ball rolling in terms of convincing her to finally seek help.

I've really been feeling like I need to hear about other people's experiences in similar situations, since I'm now starting to re-evaluate lots of my experiences with her in this new framework. Anyone have some experience with this stuff or know of any good books about it? (Being an itinerant academic, my first instinct is to research).

@eleventyone I could help? My father had a lot of mental illness and I'm studying all kinds of disorders now. If you are comfortable to say what your mother has, I could indulge your research tendency.
Right now, I'm poorly handling the "this mental illness is genetic, I am at this percentage likely to have it myself" thoughts. Most of them are not guarenteed heritable, though.

@Bloodrocuted Her exact diagnosis is sort of a work in progress at the moment, but let's go with some variation of bi-polar.

I feel you on the genetic aspect. I read somewhere that children of bi-polar people are something like 4x more likely to develop mood disorders. Makes me want to enroll in some kind of vetting program cause I Need to Know, Dammit!

I'm just in this stage of having all sorts of epiphanies like "so when that thing happened when I was a kid, you mean it wasn't cause I am awful and could instead be due to a chemical imbalance in her brain? tell me more!"

@eleventyone First of all, sympathy and hugs - a suicide attempt is scary and terrible and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It's hard! It's hard. My grandmother was probably undiagnosed bipolar, my mom has depression and anxiety. It also interacts with her chronic illnesses. And sometimes I can step back and go "okay, Mom is saying this terrible thing to me because her brain is misfiring, it doesn't mean she Hates Me Forever." But it still hurts and it's still hard to cope with in the moment. I do think it's important to make sure you're taking care of yourself - I mean, it was me getting into therapy that made my mom start going, so I already had that framework. But even if you don't have a mood disorder I think talking through it with someone else could be helpful. Especially if they can offer a trained perspective on her condition. And if you don't decide to go that route, making sure you have people to support you and whom you can trust to talk to about this stuff is important. The other thing that's been key for me is not being my mom's sole support system. You said your mother is getting help, and that's great. Encourage that if you can. I wish you luck and strength.

@eleventyone Those epiphanies, I know what you mean! They're hard to actually believe, but it's wonderful to be relieved of that guilt. Do you know if it is Bipolar I or II Disorder?
Bipolar Disorder comes from having a genetic predisposition to the disorder that is exacerbated by a negative environment. It has nothing to do with you. It's normal for a person with BD to attempt suicide.
I am very sorry to confirm and wish I was saying anything different, but heritability is around 40% for women.
It is not a death sentence.
You don't lose your mind to it.
Medication paired with cognitive behavioral therapy has a great success rate (~75%) and you don't have to take medication all your life, either.
As for the suicide attempt, I am so sorry. It's terrifying and has nothing to do with you and little to do with her. It's hopefully behind her since she is seeking help.

Full disclosure: I am a wee bit tipsy, beginning T-giving break, and settling in to a week of BSG and baking. Life is pretty fracking great right now, as is this bread: http://www.thekitchn.com/a-cheese-worthy-161998. It goes well with cheese!

Hi Hairpin! I'm looking for happy-ending, way-to-go stories of people who were laid off/couldn't get a job during the recession and ROSE UP and pursued different goals instead - perhaps even dreams - and were successful. Does anyone know of such a person? Are YOU such a person?

@copine About half a year ago, my dad (nearing his 60s) was laid off after 30 years as a software engineer.

Frankly, I don't think I can over-emphasize the positive effect it's had on his physical and emotional health. He's happy to not work in a high-pressure, fast-paced corporation atmosphere. He started his own internet marketing type business online (honestly I don't really understand it) and he's making almost as much money as he was before.

@copine
I'm *almost* there, but it sounds like an anything will help kind of deal.
I lost my big business, awesome, ass kicking, finance job that I was super duper into. I was sad and lost and feeling pathetic because I was now suffering the results of being a college drop-out and working at the mall. I realized, while working at the mall, that the thing I was the best at was teaching people how to kick ass at their jobs. I went back to school (and just suffered the student loans) and am almost done and looking at being a teacher. I'm a little mopey this weekend because some of my classmates (who are ALL these kind of people since that's kind of who my program is aimed at) get to cut out prematurely because they already have jobs.
Good luck!

What am I making this weekend?
I saw a comment on a Billfold post (I think) that introduced me to INCEPTION BROWNIES: An Oreo, wrapped in cookie dough, covered in brownie batter. WHOOAA!
So I am going to experiment with the recipe and see if it works, as practice for my Movember bake sale on the 26th. I want to have baked goods that people will not be able to refuse!

I was invited to a baby shower, RSVP-ed, and then the baby came early. Thank goodness, the wee one is alright, but now the shower has been changed to a bris. I probably wouldn't have said yes if the initial events was supposed to be a bris, but obviously this isn't something that anybody could have predicted. I really hope there are a jillion other things in that room to look at.

@sub rosa You don't have to look at anything! Only close family is generally there to see the actual event. If you're close to the mother, I think you can comfort her (if I remember right, the mother doesn't hold the baby, because she's less likely to let the rabbi/moyel near him). And if not, make polite conversation with someone else. No big deal!

embarrassingly late to the party (this party.) but le fiance and i saw the new bond last night and it was DOPE. but the dopest part of all was the new "Q" and how smoking hot he is. sure, he's basically a beardless clone of my future husband, but a girl can have a type, can't she? i.....just really need to talk about ben whishaw right now, guys.

@samafaye Yesss go to The Hour thread further up on the page so we can gab about Freddie Lyon and his impossible face. I am kind of excited about how he's blowing up (at least on Tumblr) because he is a phenomenal actor, so much better than his turns in Bond and Cloud Atlas would suggest, even.

Okay pinners, my manic posting spree is long over and I have ONE MORE thing to post, it's an advice thing and it's loooong:

So a week ago, under the Interview With A Virgin article, there was a comment thread in which the topic of conversation was unhealthy internet relationships we had slipped into in our youth. We all chuckled heartily / forlornly about our youthful immaturity. Common threads seemed to be the (a) the folly of going too fast emotionally, too soon, (b) the patently-unready-for-a-relationship state of teenage depression we tended to be in, and (c) how (a) and (b) informed one another.

Now, I have had a few ill-advised online relationships (none of which have lasted very long). Here is how they started - I am 1x years old, she posts in our common Nine Inch Nails forum about how dire things are for her (which, being a NIN forum member, can get dire indeed), and I send a private message asking what's up / offering sympathy and condolences (please note that this was not a "game" or whatever - I was depressed all through that time of my life and misery loves company). That crosses over to instant messaging, we talk about our troubles long into the night, we realize we have "so much in common", within a few days we profess love (if not just in a desperate attempt to lift the other from their melodramatic suicidal lows). We may even make highly speculative plans to meet (invariably we are isolated from one another by several hundred miles at least). Then we'd get that particular depressive episode out of our systems and mutually drop contact as though it was all some sort of dream. Suffice to say, I have experience enough to spot the warning signs of a weird, hot-burning, short-lasting internet dalliance.

These past few weeks I was tweeting, as one does, when I noticed a fellow twitterer, a Scottish woman of admirable good taste in the things I like, effusing intense self-hatred and, given that I was in the midst of a serious depressive episode myself (RED FLAG 1) and knew how helpful it was just to have people come out of the woodwork and express support, I DM'd her and we got to talking.

Turns out she was recently out of a 10+ year relationship (RED FLAG 2), and was ruminating herself into a feedback loop of shitty feelings. I coached her out of it a bit, or at least kept her company. Many of her friends, by the sound of it, were not very supportive and (like me!) she saw herself as a terrible friend and a burden.

Anyway, we became a bit more comfortable with one another over time, I would check in and she would tell me about music and life in London and send me pics of the wine she was drinking, and we finished our texts with "x", per her style. When talking about her barren love life one day, she rather openly asked me if I wanted to start something with her, or rather if I was fine being an object of affection to her (admitting that the "safety" of it made it more appealing). I didn't really hesitate to tell her that no, she ought to find a real boy/girl in her area, someone who can attend to her needs immediately and treat her the way she deserves, which is well.

So I felt like I did the right thing, right? I averted a bad thing. We are friendly online, of course, and we are emotionally supportive of one another. But we have these red flags - the shared insecurity and self-loathing, primarily, but also the fact that she's still grieving for her last relationship. She is all the way across the pond and lacking a concerted effort on both our parts, it does not seem likely we will ever meet. And if we did meet, I'm fairly sure my cylindrical goblin physique would kill her ladyboner (as the kids call it).

But the thing is, I am so lonely, she is intelligent and beautiful and impeccably tasteful, and I have been alone and (frankly) virginal for 26 years* and it's looking pretty likely I'll hit 27 in the same state. I have never had a woman openly express interest in me before. Reading her question caught my breath even though I knew what my answer was. Even knowing that it might not turn out as anything, am I old enough now to do that sort of thing without hurting her? I would like to be paid attention to, I would like to feel desired. Would it be a bad thing to approach it again with her? Would that be a shitty thing to do? Were my first instincts correct? And if so, what does that say about my capacity for relationships in general?

@Danzig! I think you did the right thing. Even if it may be tempting to go along with it (and it sounds tempting, at least, I might be tempted were I in your situation) but I think it's smarter to stick with your original instincts because letting it turn into some sort of relationship/half relationship online thing would be most unwise. I'd stick to just being her online friend and support but try not to get over involved with it because it seems like a good way to get sucked down by her into an unhealthy place (which is what may have happened had you started something with her). I don't think it says anything about your capacity for relationships in general, this seems like a situation that anyone could fall into.

@Danzig! There are probably some of the same flaws in romancing people online as there are in asking for advice online, so of course, take all advice from us with a grain of salt? But your situation reminds me of one of my dear friends, so given that bias:

I'm going to agree with Sea Ermine that you chose the right (righter, rightest) option. I believe you when you say she is smart and beautiful and your tastes align. I also believe that there are probably a few more of those women around, and that some of them are probably within 50 miles of you, and that maybe trying to get to know some of those women would be more romantically useful than an internet dalliance (since you know about IDs and have navigated a few!).

Online friendship is real and nice, and all friendships require boundaries to succeed, and you placed a supportive and respectable one on this friendship. Rock on! I would not undo that smart and sensitive work.

Also your cylindrical goblin physique has NOTHING to do with your capacity to express or receive love. You will be paid attention and desired for yourself, given enough exposure to the rest of the human population. You are an awesome brain in an awesome body, and if you want a relationship, that can happen with someone who recognizes your awesomeness.

(yr awesomeness?)

Also I am particularly prone to loneliness in big cities, so I would flee to a smaller locale, but that might be not your bag/patently impossible, but there are two irrelevant cents from me.

@Tuna Surprise Heh, it's okay I think. I'm off the market in NY as I'm moving back to Denver in December, where... I don't know what will happen. I like dating, though I hate how awkward I am. The year I was in the city I went on... 7 OKCupid dates? 8 if you count the second date I went on that I'm pretty sure was just to reimburse me for the first (which was solid of her, I suppose). You can always tell within the first 5 minutes if you're going to ever see them again, and when it doesn't work, I tend to lose energy for a few weeks before soliciting more people (in a manner of speaking).

There's something not working about me and I don't know what it is. I think I'm boring, either because I'm nervous and self-conscious on dates or because I just lost what I used to have. I think it's the latter. I used to make people laugh, I don't know what happened to that. It was probably tied to my teenage mania. Now I'm so reserved as to be insubstantial.

*sigh*
I am almost done with school and I didn't think I could start for-real applying (like through the school board website) teaching jobs until I was done. There were six positions open in my district. Three of them are taken by my classmates ALREADY!
The worst? I hate my teaching supervisor and cry every day because she is mean to me. My school has a policy that if you get offered a full time job you can GTFO your final internship...I have to suffer through two more weeks because I didn't think I could just apply to these jobs without a degree or a certificate.
I am trying to be proactive and sent out my resume to a crap ton of principals and asked if I could observe in their schools or to keep me in mind if anything was opening up (whichever was appropriate). I did this all on Friday and no one is going to look at their email til Monday, so I am going to just sit all weekend and stew, be sad, feel like a failure and dread going back Monday morning.

@Harriet Welch I think you should enjoy your weekend and shoot up middle fingers to everyone until Monday! You are almost done with school! That is awesome, congrats!! One of my closest friends had some trouble getting a teaching job right away and then BAM, she got a brilliant one, she is adored by her colleagues and actually makes good money (we are lucky to live in an area where teachers aren't totally screwed paycheck-wise :/ ) Keep heart! Don't waste your Saturday and Sunday THEY ARE MEANT TO BE HAPPY DAYS!

Yesterday I watched Benjamin Zander's TED talk about Classical Music and now I am listening to a 2-disc collection of Chopin while catching up on the FOT this cozy Saturday morning. I want to get out of pijamas NEVER!

@Fingers Crossed YES IT IS GOOD. Especially when he starts talking about voice inflections over the phone and whatnot. Fascinating.
I really like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lp7E973zozc&feature=relmfu

I came down with what is either a bronchial infection or whooping cough. I've been sick for the past two weeks. I am so done. Neither of these possibilities is fun, kids. >.< The culture for whooping cough takes a week to determine, and in the meantime, they put you under quarantine and put you on antibiotics. But I'm on my last day of both, hallelujah, because the antibiotic makes me nauseous. I haven't seen a non-family member for six days and I am DONE. ^^

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Ah, Paperman was amazing! I loved the style and the story was so sweet and perfect. I want a whole silent movie with them.

@professionalmess When Ralph wrecked Vanllope's car I was done in. I had my hand over my mouth in shock and then I cried. She was so desperate it broke my heart. I really didn't expect the movie to get to me the way it did.

I know it's not Saturday Open Thread but I was too busy yesterday to even check the freaking Hairpin (which is a bad day indeed.) And I have a, erm, biology question to crowdsource, with apologies in advance for any oversharing. So, my pre-menstrual symptoms vary significantly from month to month. One month I'll be really sleepy the day before it starts. Another month I'll get headaches. Another month I'll, weirdly, be in an inexplicably good mood.
Anyway, I recently had an entire week of just this miserable, black-cloud, existential crazymaking despair. I've had a bit of a dreary and depressing semester for various reasons, was stressing about holiday plans, etc., but it all seemed disproportionate to the amount of oh-God-life-is-so-meaningless-and-shite I was feeling. I was getting genuinely scared for my mental health and all worked up in a panicky frenzy about how miserable the rest of my life was going to be, by the time...my period started, and literally within ten minutes of starting to bleed, the angst lifted and I felt normal and calm.
I'm usually pretty good at realizing when whatever symptoms I'm having are just the hormones talking, and even during this episode i always suspected it was PMS related, but it was still utterly awful.
I have no idea if this particular thing will recur, or if next month will be a headache month or a sleepy month or a grumpy month....most months it's just a day or two of not being at my best, so I'm not at the point where I'm wanting to see a medical doctor about it (I'm sort of a hippie, and have sort of an irrational fear of going to the doctor/taking medication stronger than tylenol, so I usually try to deal with minor ailments by myself) but does anybody know if there are lifestyle type things I can do to avoid the worst of these PMS attacks? Like, I don't know, should I be paying attention to eating more (insert vitamin or trace mineral here)? Be dictatorial with myself about going to bed at 10:30 PM instead of my usual wee hours of morning? Drink a particular herbal tea? I'm usually a decently healthy eater, get moderate exercise, am in overall good health, and, the weirdest part of this all is that my periods are like clockwork in timing - 28 days and boom. It's just the PMS week that's a grab bag of potential horrors. Help, knowledgeable Hairpinners?

@Countess Maritza I don't know about specific lifestyle things, but do you ever see a naturopath? I have a friend who sounds a lot like you (ARE YOU HER) and she saw her naturopath and talked through a lot of the mental health/PMSsy stuff and felt better after. She may have taken some natural supplements, not sure which.

@Countess Maritza Vitamin B complex is understood to be a mood lifter, so you may consider some supplements, particularly timed during the week before your cycle. Similarly, could you be having a bit of seasonal affective disorder? Maybe try to get some outdoor time or vitamin D. You might also look into some yoga or tai chi, which might help you be more in tune with your body and moods and responses. PMS is the pits though, I feel you!

@Countess Maritza
I know *exactly* what you mean. Sometimes my PMS means I'm hypersensitive to sound or easily irritated; sometimes I'm overjoyed; sometimes I'm worried; and once in a great while, a black wave of panic and hopelessness engulfs me utterly and I am like WHAT IS THIS, I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR IT, PLEASE TAKE ME OFF THE LIST.

Luckily, these episodes are few and far between - maybe once a year - and last for a day. I cope with them by sleeping, if I can. Just go to sleep and wake up when it's over. And I try to remember that it's absolutely part of the hormones, and I'm not "realizing that life is actually not living" or something terrifying like that. (That's the worst part - it doesn't feel like a mood, it feels like reality itself has changed and become less rewarding! Eeesh.)

Here are non-medication things that keep me much more balanced than otherwise. Basically you have to turn into an earth momma for a few days a month.

- go to bed AT THE SAME TIME EVERY NIGHT. If you stay up late one night, then early another night, it's a great recipe for crazymaking.
- avoid salt, especially if it's in a packaged food. Aim for 1000, or half of what the side of a food box says is your daily recommended intake.
- avoid bread, pasta, and rice.
- avoid sugar.
- only eat cheese/cupcakes/junk food in general if you really really want it, and balance it out with lots of vegetables.
- DRINK SO MUCH WATER.

But in a medication-oriented sense, birth control pills can sometimes contribute to this type of thing, and sometimes lift the symptoms entirely, I believe. They can counteract the crazymaking hormones with different ones, so your body doesn't flail about as much. I got worse PMS with birth control pills, so I switched to an IUD; my friend stopped getting PMS entirely, and loves the pills.

Don't worry! And if it happens again, and freaks you out, see a gynecologist - they've heard this before, they should know just what you're talking about. Life is too short to endure bad stuff that you don't have to endure. Lots and lots of people are on birth control pills - they're really safe - and you can get a prescription just for these reasons, even if you're not worried about getting pregnant.

@Queen of Pickles Thanks guys for the advice! I was definitely in a not-super-healthy-living rut this past month (mostly a godawfully fucked sleep cycle and too much salty food) and I kind of knew that that contributed, but it's helpful to have it confirmed from outside. Also Pickles, I tried going on the pill last year and couldn't even last more than a month on any brand/formulation, they all made me cry at the drop of a hat and otherwise feel so apathetic and dulled that it was like sleepwalking. So hormones are not my friend. Fortunately i'm in a situation where if I got pregnant, somebody would need to call the Pope.

@Countess Maritza I struggle with the same thing. I take a daily omega-3 supplement that really seems to help (to the point where I have nicknamed it "fish ecstasy"). weekly yoga helps. trying to be accountable only to myself and not being everything to other people, helps more, but is harder. Good luck...

Oh man, it is my one day off this week & I've decided to do a full bedroom cleaning a la AACP! My room has been such a disaster for months & today is the day! I decided to throw a party tonight in order to force myself to get it done. It's going to feel so good. Okay, back to cleaning! Just had to put it out there to the 'Pinverse.

YOU GUYS. So I have been in a Good Mood and actually content this past week or so. I've been talking more, and because I'm actually kinda excited about stupid shit, today I made new friends! I talked to real people! The ones with nice hair!
I made a bit more of an effort, and this has come as a bit of a shock, but people are being nice to me and talking to me and it feels like quite a big shift. All I did was fill in my eyebrows and put on a nice jumper. Weird. So that is my good news. Yes.

@tea sonata
Yes! It's so amazing sometimes when people start being friendly to you, and the only difference is that you've held yourself up a bit straighter and have a bit of pep in your step. And it turns out everyone was shy and full of thinky-thoughts too, and then they see you and they're like, "Oh, she's friendly!"

@Queen of Pickles Feels like I've been in a shell for so long that all this is new to me. Bizarre. Buuuuuut ultimately Warm Fuzzies, so that's good. And for one small difference. And you're friendly too! Hi, nice to meet you, Your Preservedship.

RAAAAAAANT warning.
grrrrmf. I love my bf but sometimes grrrrr. I've been doing a lot of overtime (from 4pm to 4am) lately to save up for our short term goals : Baby making in 2013 and moving to another province by 2014.

Yesterday I worked from 4pm to 5:30am. Bf knew I would do overtime The deal was, I work overnight, get home, throw stuff in the bread machine, shower and crash. Bf is suppose to : study in the evening, get up around 10am, walk the pups/feed them and wake me up by pouring coffee down my throat so we could go and catch a movie/go to the museum whatever on our only free day together. Yesterday was a test,to see if I could count on him to take charge. but it just failed.

Instead he stayed up til 5am, not studying mind you, just watching Frasier episodes, so he didnt get up this am, didnt walk the dogs, didnt wake me up. I woke up by myself at 4pm (!) confused, with the dogs starring at me wondering wtf they hadnt been walked/fed. This isnt the first time, so I kind of lost it.

I dont know, I feel like, we're a team right? and I've been working my butt off for our team while he has just been sitting on the sideline.

I dont ask him to work/pay for anything because I want him to focus on school. Our rent is dirt cheap, we're frugal in general so its not a big deal. I just expect him to you know, study & just once a week, take charge so I can sleep for like 5 hours in a row.

He actually decided to go study for his big exams tonight at least. So no date night tonight, but at least he might actually pass his exams.

So since tonight is my first night alone, not working in the past 2 months, I will go get myself some wine and sushi and catch up on my stories.

@emjeejee Oof, honey. That sounds like a rough and disappointing day. Combined with working that (insane!) shift and messing with your sleep schedule, I'm sure you're feeling pretty darn out of it. Your feelings sound totally justified, and I hope that you guys get things figured out soon. For now, your evening sounds relaxing and lovely.

@emjeejee
What the HELL. No. Red flag. He prioritized his solo relation over a mutual what seems like awesome day. I don't even have more words for this but you are justified with losing it and him because seriously, Queen of pickles is right, he's an immature kid more than an empathetic adult.

@emjeejee Well, that sounds infuriating. I would ask him a) why he didn't take care of the dogs, and b) why he didn't wake you up. He may have actually put thought into not waking you up (it sounds like you need sleep! Your work schedule would destroy me!) but there really isn't a reason why he couldn't provide for the needs of the canines who depend on him for, you know, EATING. It's good to hold him accountable for that.

It may also be worth talking about the division of (emotional) labor in your house. It seems like you're putting off happiness (by working a trillion hours and saving all your joy for a once a week date, building up resources for babies and moves) and it seems like he's choosing short term Frasier happiness instead of doing that same emotional banking (ie, working his ass off for school, saving up for a once a week date, planning on babies and stability).

It's not evil to watch Frasier, but if you're doing most of the emotional and monetary work in the relationship, then some strategies need to be rearranged.

ugh, i got invited to this thing by some friends who i like but am not, like, dedicated to? which is weird for me because most of my life it was LIFEMATES vs other people, but now that i'm an "adult" all my lifemates are spread all over the continent and i don't really know the boundaries with regular-type "friends"?

in any case, i tend to feel like the bunch of them get together on a thing and then just invite me as an afterthought, which is slightly (maybe only in my mind) awkward and can lead to moderate inconvenience that i don't feel i can complain about?

UGH. normally i would just have a glass of wine and get over it, but pregnancy has stolen the comforts dear, sweet alcohol from me AND I MISS THEM.

@superfluous consonants I try to think about things like that as follows: They were all sitting around and agreed how much they like you and thus invited you because they want you to be part of the group. Not as an afterthought so much as in an attempt to make you a new edition.

@superfluous consonants I agree w/ @Seamoney, people don't invite each other to things as afterthoughts! Not generally. I was in very much the same situation when I moved to NYC, away from my Lifemates, as you put it, and it was hard! But I met people and they invariably invited me to do things and I felt the same way, that they weren't all that interested in me and they were just being polite, or whatever. But I was projecting, as you are now. If somebody asks for you to be around, it's because they enjoy your company. If that isn't the case then they're terrible assholes and, well, you can spot those people a mile away. Don't trick yrself into thinking that people dislike you or don't want you around. That's yr brain trying to get you to stay in. Open yrself up, even w/o alcohol, and people will want you to be part of their lives.

One other thing, I know how it is to come out of being young and feeling like the super-close friends you cultivated way back when are, like, the ultimate friends, but it sounds as though you've discounted the possibility of anyone becoming close ("dedicated", as you put it) to you as an adult. I think you're underestimating yrself. You might surprise yrself w/ yr capacity to create close and fulfilling bonds with others.

@halfheartedyoga It's an interesting idea, but pomegranates don't contain much pectin so you would have to add some to make it jell. And it will end up being more like a jelly than a sauce because pomegranates also don't really have any pulp, just juice.

Wow, did you see that they might have figured out the Bloop?! http://www.pmel.noaa.gov/vents/acoustics/sounds/bloop.html
I still think it could be the call of an unimaginably huge deep-sea monster, though.