Culture Shock

“Only first time travelers experience culture shock.” “It is a disease of the emotionally unstable.” “Culture shock goes away with time.” These are just a few of the misconceptions about a very common problem for those who live outside their home culture.

When capable, independent people are thrust into a situation of almost total dependence, stress is inevitable. Language barriers, cultural differences, climate changes, and the unavailability of familiar goods and services add stress to individuals. Providing adequate education for the children, dealing with domestic help for the first time, and separations from immediate family members cause increased family pressures.

For those who have not yet gone overseas, preparation for the field is helpful to lessen the intensity of culture shock. Learn as much as possible about the people and their culture before arrival. There are a set of books called, “Culture Shock: Name of the Country”. See if there is one for the country you will be serving. Include the whole family in the preparations. Although little children won’t understand all they are told, they will be “infected” with enthusiasm that will make the move an adventure instead of a disaster.

A short exploratory trip can be extremely helpful. Although it can’t prepare you for every eventuality, it can make the new place seem familiar when you make the move.

Readers’ comments on culture shock

Culture shock is not the first blast of tropical air when you step off the plane, or even the first stomach upset from different food. Judy says, “During the early months we can suffer cultural confusion, but full-blown culture shock does not usually set in until after three months. Culture shock occurs because all the familiar cultural cues (words, gestures, facial expressions, customs, and norms) we have grown up with are no longer present. When we realize this, the result is a shock to our systems.”

Some of the most common symptoms are: psychosomatic illness, excessive concern for the place where you sleep or your living quarters, fear of physical contact with the people, daydreaming, wanting to go home, fits of anger over small things, excessive fear of being robbed or cheated, forgetfulness, and crying for no apparent reason.

Judy shares her experience with culture shock: “For me, when culture shock hit, we had been in Indonesia for about six months. Suddenly all the little annoyances began to bother me excessively. It began to dawn on me that this was not temporary, but that we were here to stay. I can remember thinking, “These people don’t know the slightest thing about how to run a country!” I was also struggling with the language and my inability to make myself understood and to understand. I was questioning why we were there and feeling like we were pretty useless. All the things that had been novel and fun in the beginning were no longer fun.

I became extremely depressed to the point that I felt if God did not do something, I was not going to be able to stay. After about a month of going through this torment, we were in a village, sitting on the floor of a new thatch church as it was dedicated. As I looked around at the faces of the people, God spoke to me and said, “This is why you are here.” That got me over the hump. I still went through more times of struggle, but the biggest hump was past.”

Luanne adds that “there are two parts of culture shock, internal and external, and they tend to gang-up on us.” From her list of “external shocks,” not being able to find the ingredients for favorite foods, being with your spouse 24 hours a day, extreme weather, clothes ruined in the laundry, nosey people, slow mail, and ruined packages. From her list of “internal shocks,” feeling my husband doesn’t understand, feeling that if I were a better mom the kids would like it here, feeling that I don’t like these people, feeling very lonely and isolated, feeling hopeless about learning the language, and having serious doubts about everything. To see Luanne’s lists, see her comments below.

Lea talked about the best way they found to deal with cultural differences. She says, “When we come up to cultural obstacles (yes, even 13 years later it still comes up from time to time) we learn what is appropriate for the area in which we live and learn how to act accordingly. We aren’t in America, it doesn’t matter what we do in America so we’d better learn how to live here and understand the culture here. It sounds harsh, but it is, in our opinion, the best way to deal with cultural differences that come up. Since our children have been raised here, most of the time the cultural differences don’t affect them even to the degree that they may affect us as adults.”

Learn about your host culture. Try to discover the “logic” of their ways. Locals can teach you many time and energy saving ways to live and work in their environment. When the bathroom is tiled from top to bottom, why not use a hose to wash it? Resist the temptation to make “snap” judgments. Accept the host culture as different, not bad or wrong. Don’t make a habit of comparisons with home.

Avoid stereotyping local people. Meet each one as an individual and enjoy the rich variety God will bring your way. Find nationals or long-term residents to interpret the behaviors and situations that confuse you. After moving from Nigeria to Malaysia we were once offended by a gesture that in Nigeria meant, “I curse you.” A Malaysian friend explained that in Malaysia it simply meant, “Your turn signal is still flashing.”

Not taking yourself or your symptoms too seriously also helps. Every so often one or another of us would say, “I’m homesick today.” We all let that one know we knew they were feeling bad. We gave a little more room and grace for awhile. Then we would find a way to distract them from their blues and go on with life. A healthy sense of humor goes a long way to relieving the stress.

Comments

Identifying and Dealing with External Culture Shock.
I think there are two parts of culture shock, internal and external, and they tend to ‘gang-up’ on us. Sometimes it is helpful to think about which is giving us the most trouble, and deal with them separately. Both kinds of culture shock are very real. Not everyone will experience all of these, but all of us experience some of them. I am sure others could add things to both categories.

EXTERNAL CULTURE SHOCK is:
Not being able to find the ingredients for favorite foods.
Being with your spouse 24 hours a day.
Trying to teach someone to cook when you can’t speak the other’s language.
Extreme weather.
Clothes ruined in the laundry process.
Kids who hate being here.
Nosey people.
Snooping people.
Bizarre driving etiquette.
Flies on the meat in the market (it gets cooked, right?)
Being over-charged.
Having something stolen.
Roosters and loud radios.
No privacy.
Driving a long way to make a call home.
Slow mail, ruined packages.
Bad haircuts.
Discussions about bodily functions.
Skin infections and new diseases.
Sick children.
Language study.
Nothing on TV.
Co-workers who don’t seem to remember ‘what it is like.’
Smells.
Poverty.
Begging.
Bugs.
Dust.
People you love who don’t write.
No place to go on a date with my husband.
Not knowing what people are talking about.
Knowing people are talking about you.
Being stared at.

Here are a few keys to dealing with various aspects of external culture shock.

Remember, you didn’t come here for the convenience or the weather or because the people are so nice. You came here with a message to deliver. Don’t think like a tourist.
You will get used to this. It just takes time, but you’ve got the time.
You will learn to communicate. It just takes time, but you’ve got the time.
What difference will this thing that is bothering you make in three months? A year? In five years? If it isn’t going to matter, don’t allow yourself to get in knots about it.
What WILL matter in five years? Focus on that.
Keep a healthy sense of humor. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

INTERNAL CULTURE SHOCK is:
Feeling my husband doesn’t understand.
Feeling that if I were a better mother, the kids would like it here.
Feeling guilt with resentment when people ask for money.
Feeling like my husband doesn’t talk to me or listen anymore.
Feeling that I don’t like these people.
Feeling that I don’t trust these people.
Wondering how people can live like this!
Feeling very lonely and isolated.
Having nothing I can do for fun, like going to a mall, or calling a friend.
Feeling that this was a big mistake.
Feeling hopeless in the language.
Feeling like a bad wife.
Feeling like no one at home has a clue about what’s happening
Feeling it’s best no one at home has a clue about what’s happening.
Can’t get away from my husband when we aren’t getting along.
Wanting so much more than the people around me have.
Feeling that our marriage is getting worse since we came here.
Feeling that the kids are worse since we came here.
Feeling confused by the advice of older PWs.
Feeling much more emotional than ever before; more crying, more outbursts. Having serious doubts about everything!

All of these are about how we feel. Feelings are intense, and we tend to believe that our feelings will never change, even though nothing can change faster. This is where Satan hits us and scores the most victories. He bombards us with deceiving thoughts which we think originate with us. These thoughts create discouragement, bitterness, discontentment, depression, and anger. They kill our joy, our flexibility, our spirit of adventure, and our gratitude for God’s everyday mercies and blessings. They can ruin a marriage. This is a spiritual battle.

Here are some keys to dealing with internal culture shock.
Take every thought captive. What are you thinking? Is that really true? Does it agree with God’s word? Is what you are thinking true about God? About your situation? About your husband and family? John 44:8, John 8:32

Make sure Satan doesn’t have a foothold in your life. Have you completely forgiven everyone who has wronged you in the past? Have you made things right with anyone you have hurt? Sometimes the internal culture shock we experience comes from emotional baggage we brought with us to the field. Take care of it. Heb. 12:14-15

Do you enjoy complaining and making sarcastic remarks about life in this culture? This feeds feelings of discontentment and says that God is not really good. Guard your thoughts and your mouth. Eph. 4:29, Phil. 4:8 & 9

Remember that adjustments and growth in a marriage are always hard, no matter where you are living. This is an ongoing process and would be happening no matter where you live. These difficult times are harder when we can’t escape from the problems (calling a friend, going to the mall, watching TV, etc.), and we are forced to deal with them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Husbands will never know how their wives really feel if we don’t tell them, no matter where we live, but husbands have more distractions in this new environment, and may be more oblivious than usual. He may also be dealing with his own issues and having a hard time talking about it. Make it your job to facilitate good communication. Allow your husband to struggle with the new culture too. Phil. 2:1-4, I Peter 3:8-9

Tell God exactly how you feel. Write an emprecatory psalm, if you need to, telling Him what’s wrong with everyone and everything! Pour out your heart to Him and ask Him to fix what hurts. He is the only one who can really understand you and do anything about your situation. Sometimes it is better to write it all out. Then thank Him for everything, just the way it is. This affirms the truth that He is a good God. Phil. 4:6-7, Ps. 81:11

Culture shock is difficult to explain. Even after having gone through it myself I find it difficult to put into words what it was that I went through upon entering a culture that was different to my own. Culture shock is a person’s reaction to living in surroundings and in a culture outside of his/her own.

Culture shock, I believe has affected our family in a positive way. Culture shock will either make or break a person individually or a family unit as a whole. When we first arrived on the field, no one queued me in to what I was to expect as far as culture shock is concerned, and I really don’t think there’s any way a person can be prepared. As a whole, our family has profited greatly

from living in a different culture, it has given us a broader perspective of the world and God’s love for all of mankind. The differences in lifestyle (language, food, a woman’s place in society as a whole, etc.) required our family to learn how to live differently than what we were accustomed to. It was difficult, but we felt that the best way to deal with it was to “roll with the punches” rather than stand firm to our own culture.

When we come up to cultural obstacles (yes, even after 13 years, it still comes up from time to time, although with much less frequency) we learn what is appropriate for the area in which we live and learn how to act accordingly.

We aren’t in America. It doesn’t matter what we do in America, so we’d better learn how to live here and understand the culture here. It sounds harsh, but it is in our opinion the best way to deal with cultural differences that come up.

Since our children have been raised here, most of the time cultural differences don’t affect them even to the degree that they may affect us as adults. I doubt culture shock can be prevented, but it can definitely be dealt with. The Holy Spirit is there to help us through those difficult times of change – His power is all-sufficient and can help us overcome!

I cannot go back to my home. . .to my country where I am never stared at because I look different.

There I am the same as everyone else.
Everyone speaks my language. . .

Fluently.

I am here in your country giving of my very soul.

I pour my life into you.

Only because God called me. . .

God gave me a burden for YOUR people.

How I long to be accepted as one of you. . .
How I long to communicate fluently in your language. . .
How I long to know and UNDERSTAND your ways and customs. . .
How I long not to be laughed at. . .or stared at. . .

You laugh at me. I don’t laugh at you.
I watch you.
I follow you.
I listen to you.
I give to you.
I pray for you.