Fat girl living in a skinny world

What’s a parent to do? “Most important is to practice good sleep hygiene techniques,” said Dr. Elsie M. Taveras, the lead author and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard, who is herself the mother of an infant and a toddler. “No TV in the bedroom, no caffeinated drinks and so on. Getting a good night’s sleep is not just to be at our best the next day; it’s really to assure good health.”

OK. Who gives their TODDLERS caffeine and puts TVs in their bedrooms? Apparently parents of obese children. Because all obese parents have poor childrearing skills.

I just discovered the blog tonight. I really appreciate that you look at fat women and pregnancy and how being fat increases women’s risk of poor treatment and discrimination. I just really wanted to share a story with you that may encourage you to take your discussion beyond childbirth.

My mom is overweight; she gained weight with each pregnancy (four live births and two miscarriages). She now hates her size. I think she looks beautiful; she sees herself as much bigger than she really is. I tell you this because her perception of herself has had a big influence on how she treats me. I’ve been overweight for practically all my life. My siblings are much thinner. I think it’s because that as the oldest, I got the brunt of Mom’s hatred of herself projected on me. It hasn’t stopped now that I’m an adult and married.

I weigh about 360 pounds. I’m in fairly good health; I passed a physical 30 pounds ago with flying colors. However, Mom has frequently told me that if I have children, I won’t be able to “keep after them.” She says I have no energy and stamina and that my weight will hold me back from being a good parent. She keeps telling me stories of fat women she sees at work (she’s a nurse in a family practice) and how they are such sad specimens of humanity (my interpretation, not her words). She also tells me about one of her friends, who is an “armchair parent”: she sits on the couch or wherever and tells her children to do things instead of doing things with them.

I would hope that I won’t be a parent like Mom keeps suggesting, but since that is all I’ve heard, that is all that fills my head. My husband tells me I’ll be a great mom, but I’m still uncertain. What does a fat parent look like? How do fat mothers move beyond pregnancy into taking care of children while also taking care of themselves? Do fat parents continue to receive poor/critical treatment from medical personnel after they give birth? Does it ever stop?