Well Now I am 50!! Still am Mom of 5 but will always have a destiny ahead of me!! A lot has happened in one year since I have last written but my heart is always with Jesus and being an artist and a woman of destiny!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The remaining retreat of '05

Well ladies I promised I would finish this retreat with all of you and I will..I hope you like the picture I have of my beautiful daughter, 20 years old, and I just had to put in a picture of lilies..I love the scripture in the Bible where it says in Song of Solomon 2:1 "I am the rose of Sharon, And the lily of the valleys.." Isn't that beautiful?! I just had to write that and put that picture in, God is so wonderful..isn't He!!

Okay..lets finish the retreat in April of '05. I left off talking about our speaker Muriel and her sermon about Rebekkah, and are we willing to do things with no agenda..So after the sermon it was Saturday night and a lot of us starting to pray together. She prayed that I would continue hearing from "Him". Let me bring all of this home and be an example at home and at work. She prayed that all the hurt from the past and my children's hurt would never suffer anymore. Then out of the blue, she said, "Are you afraid that your husband will not understand? He hurts you emotionally doesn't he"? "Yes", I said. I cried and we prayed that my husband would also listen and grow into the position of the spiritual leader and that I would be able to be that example to him. Amen!

Next step was bedtime and a deep and wonderful sleep....

Sunday..our last day, and last session..what a glorious time we had! Worship was outstanding as usual. I didn't have any more anger in me for the leaders I was so in love with the Lord. Our leader asked if anyone wanted to say something. My stomach had so many butterflies that they were ready to fly away. I tripped up to the microphone and started out joking, "I knew the Lord wanted me to speak so I had to go now or I would be sick! I want to speak without crying because I usually forget what I need to say and then sit down saying to myself, oooh I forgot that one thing! The Lord has touched me so incredibly this weekend" I continued on "When Muriel started to say she grew up at Salem I nearly fell off my chair..whoa, Malcolm Smith..thats my Dad! My dad made mistakes (I started to cry) I made mistakes marrying my ex husband, but I was delivered this weekend from all the generational curses that have been attacking me and my family. Thats why this was MY WEEKEND!! (still crying) I had a prophetic word over me 10 years ago..my heart is like an onion (I told them this because they didn't know), an onion with layers and each layer is being peeled slowly as the Lord is trying to reach the core..my heart. In this word there was a high dense forest and I was a little girl crying in the woods, crying out to my earthly father and my heavenly Father and I found Him this weekend! I refuse to allow the enemy to touch my family anymore. We have had a great weekend but it can only be real if we continue his blessings and bring it all home to our work and family" I finished and went back to my seat, crying...

Muriel went on to preach about how we need to have a real desire to understand the Lords heart. Every bit, like an archeologist does with his profession, He wants to know every area. Towards the end I had such a gnawing in my heart to pray for a woman by the name of Janeen. (Janeen and her husband had been praying for years to have a child, after a while she had become bitter and it was hard to get to know her) I said to the Lord, "Janeen?..Me?! She barely speaks to me Lord?" So I ignored Gods calling because He doesn't ask me to pray for anyone! Well the Father kept nagging at my heart to pray for her and I finally was obedient. How many times do we ignore the Lord and how many times have we missed out on blessings because of it? Of course though I was bargining with God, I TOLD Him, "If Janeen walks away that means I don't have to..right?" ..."NO" He said, "Pray for Janeen, you know what she wants and needs"! WOW!! When God talks we need to answer!! Am I right!!

So I said "Janeen, the Lord has told me to pray for you, I don't know why but I can't ignore it" I told her, "Everytime a baby is born, a child dedicated, someone pregnant, I think of you. He wants you to have all your blessings and we do when we are obedient to Him. I want to also be obedient, is it okay for me to pray with you?" She said, "Okay" So I started to pray...

"Lord, I lift up Janeen to you, you know what her hearts desire is, you know you placed her on my heart for a reason and I want to obey that right now. You want all your children to have their desires of their hearts and Father right now in your name I ask you to give Janeen hers. She so desires a child, bless her now Lord and fill her with your Spirit...Amen"....It was short and simple but there was something very different about her and me. She stood there a while and softly cried. I was ready to move on when she said "I want to be prayed for but I don't feel worthy anymore...I mean look at you, 5 kids, no job, the other girl no place to live, I mean my prayers are nothing compared to everyone elses?!" I said "Janeen the Lord would not have used me to pray unless there was a reason. I personally haven't been healed from the pain in my back, but that doesn't mean I'm not worthy to stop praying for other things in my life?!"

Just before when Muriel was preaching she showed us a small glass bottle that she got in Israel. It is called a "tear bottle" and women collected tears in them so that they could present them to God. They believed the more you had, the more they believed God would answer their prayers. Muriel met a woman who prayed, cried, and collected tears so she could get pregnant. Muriel saw her at the wailing wall. Anyway she told us that the next day she saw the woman again and prayed "That the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob would allow this woman to bear children"! Nine months and 7 days, give or take, later, that same woman gave birth to a set of twin boys! Praise the Lord was all I was thinking and saying!!!

Janeen wanted so much to be prayed for. She also showed her a bottle that was similar to that woman's bottle. It wasn't easy for Janeen to get prayed for. She felt she couldn't ask her to pray with her, let alone ask the Lord for a baby. I kept egging her on to go and pray. This time the Lord was telling me "she"must be obedient since I was. I left her with that and she broke down in another friends arms. I felt that the Father had used me for Janeen and I was on top of the WORLD!! Janeen stood in line to talk to Muriel, infact Muriel didn't know I prayed with her either. I looked at them and she was holding a tear bottle. Janeen was also collecting tears, but she never put them in a bottle. Muriel said, "The Lord told me to give this to you" so she gave it to Janeen, she prayed for Him to open her womb! Praise God was all I was saying!! The Lord led me to pray for Janeen so God would show His mercy and grace on her..I was used by Him..what could be better than that?...Nothing...

To sum it up..even after 3 years I have to bring myself back to that weekend and focus on His grace and remember how much was shown to me. So much was shown and I can never forget it..I hope this reaches somebody in 2008 and touches their heart..Donna

12 comments:

LaTonya/FL
said...

Praise GOD!!!! I just want to let you know that it has touched me and reached me. I was molested by my stepfather when I was around 8 years old for some months. The walls and layers that I have built around my heart are being peeled and torn down daily. GOD is still healing and working on me. HE is faithful, merciful and true. I still see the "little girl" every now and then who was so carefree before the molestation began, I have yet to realize why. But I do know that GOD is good and I can't wait until all the layers are gone and I am totally set free. Thanks so much for sharing this. THanks for being obedient. GOD bless you!

I am so thankful that God has touched your heart! I knew that this was for someone..when you type and remember things so vividly after 3 years you know that He has something great for one of His children!

You are special in His eyes no matter what has happened to you, I totally feel your pain and anguish. I went through a lot with my ex and even though what molesting and physical abuse I took from Him, is nothing compared for a child of 8 to receive from an adult..I am so sorry. Just remember though, if God can heal my heart with all the bitterness around it for over 10 years, and all the walls up even after a divorce, He can certainly heal you.

I read your posting out loud to myself just so I could hear myself and I truly believe God has me here for a reason. I loved how Alice ended her goodbye, "God Bless you in your Ministry"..I never thought this actually could be but when I can minister to even one person then it is a mission.

As you see yourself having all the layers of garbage being identified just go with it. There were many times I just couldn't understand why I was put into that situation myself. I had a million why's..But like you said, "God is good"! Just keep thanking Him for His mercy and Grace with each new morning..please continue to keep coming on board. I may not post daily because I want everyone who can read to read!! But I know if it is from God I will post it..also now if both of you or all of you could pray for me.

I am having a hard time with my husbands disability at this moment. I don't know why it is right now. I am starting to resent him more and more. I feel like I have to work so hard and it's painful at times because I just want to vege once and a while. Its just always the money thing, a broke record. Just ask the Lord for healing on my end to "accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" Thank you all and I love you!Blessings,Donna

I read your post to latonya/fl. I'm so sorry your having problems with your husband's disability. May you need to read something funny. I know that's not what you want to hear, but sometimes we have to step back and just get away for a moment. Maybe the post I did today about my weekend will help. You and your husband are in my prayers. I know it can't be easy. I often wonder how my husband has handled all that I've put him through, I know God's grace is sufficient to meet all our needs and he has certainly been a rock just like you have been. I'm sure there were times he just had to step back and take some time for himself. Just remember your not alone, God is always right by your side.May you feel the sweet, sweet spirt of God as He is carrying you right now. Just as the poem "Footprints in the Sand", I know He is carrying you. And may you feel the arms of the Sweet Holy Spirit as He surrounds you and your husband. AmenAliceE.

Thanks so much Donna for your caring words! I will surely be in prayer for you and your husband. I truly understand what you mean about resentment...My husband is out of work because the place closed down and went to another city. With 3 kids, a mortgage and bills, it has been very tough and I have had moments where I became very resentful because my husband could not help me. However, I remember "..from whence cometh my help...". I remember WHO I belong to and WHOSE I am. Remember, Donna, WHOSE you are. Daughter of the most high. Remember WHO you belong to. THE MOST HIGH GOD. HE is JEHOVAH JIREH. HE is faithful and true. I pray for GOD to place HIS hand upon you and your husband right now and move according to HIS will. I pray HE gives you perfect peace and that HE restores your finances. I pray GOD to give you rest and a sound mind. These and more blessings, I pray for you and your family in JESUS' holy name. Thank you again Donna and love you!May GOD's Glory rest upon you!LaTonya

Donna,I have a prayer request that I would like for you to help me pray about. It's a problem I developed after the 1999 surgery because I was in the hospital a month and had a catheter most of the time. At the time the problem wasn't bad but recently it has gotten worse. I really don't want to go to the doctor and I definitely will not have the surgery. I'm told it doesn't last. I'm embarrassed to tell anyone about this but felt that I could share with you and you would understand. The problem is much worse and I so much want that help to come from God. Sorry to give you anything more, you already have a heavy load. Thanks, AliceE.

Thanks, Donna, for your email. The problem to some may not be as earth shaking to them as it is to me, it's seems like nothing when I read of the problems some of the other ladies have had. Your right I do need the prayers of others.

After the '99 surgery and because I had the cathether for a month, I was told my bladder had dropped slightly. I've had problems emptying completely ever since. My medical doctor said he would not recommend the surgery that theurologists could fix it without doing surgery, but I have been through so much I just want to be healed.

About a week ago I got up one morning and I barely made it to the bathroom. Yesterday morning I was dreaming that I was wetting the bed and then I woke up and realized that was happening (although I did not wet the bed) I did wet my pajamas. I had no control at all. I did make it to the bathroom without messing anything up but my clothes. I'm 68years old and feel this is too early in life for this to happen. It happened to my mother but she was in her 70's and 80's (can'tremember exactly when) and after having several strokes she lost complete control. I can see the opening to my bladder so I know it has dropped further. Usually I wake up a couple of times during the night and have to go but lately I have been sleeping through the night. Last night I woke up twice and went so I did not have an accident this morning. My husband has been so supportive. He went to the store yesterday and bought me some things to use and something to put on the bed under me so I won't ruin my "new" 2 year old mattress. I know this may sound little to some but to me it is so embarrassing. I feel I can't go anywhere to stay overnight. We were going to my daughter's in Virigina Beach this weekend but I just can't do it. She's coming home next weekend anyway so I'll see her then.

When I was reading your email I felt a panic attack coming on so I called my husband to let him know if he called and I didn't answer he may need to come check on me. He just called and I'm fine now except I can't quit crying. I feel this is an attack by "someone I won't name, because I do not want to give him any glory." I have prayed and I'm trusting God. He put a line from a song in my mind this morning and I will post the song later on my blog. The line was "my life is in your hands." I found the song and have prayed it, but I know your right the more people praying the better.Thank you for your prayers and thanks to my Heavenly Father because I know He is near and put me in this Bible study for a reason. It has been so awesome. There is so much love and empathy.Thanks again for your prayers, AliceE.

God Bless you. I am praying for you to receive peace from our Heavenly Father. Peace for your heart, soul, and mind. Try your hardest to just be still and know that He is God. He is mighty to save and protect!! Claim His peace and rest in Him.

Keep looking at GOD! My prayers are with you. I can relate to the abuse and after many years I learned that when I could forgive him the healing in me would start. Wow has it! I still hit many mountains that I can't move on my own but GOD has helped me move those mountains with him. Praise God!! It is amazing when I put my faith and trust in God how he will work. I don't have to do anything but give him the glory. What I really want to say is be strong and just pray for GOD to give you his sweet peace! That is my prayer for you. polly in Ca

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Welcome to Donna's page, "50 and crazy in love with God...."

Welcome..this is still my first blog which I started out nearly 2 years ago..I feel as if I should of written many times over but time has been hard and the job situation changed me in many ways which has been a rough road. I had to work and do things to survive which wasn't what I wanted to do but I am a survivor and I always will be. God is good and has always blessed me in so many ways, one can't count on 3 hands how many ways. I face challenges each day but right now I am not just going to "work" for someone..I have to follow my dream. I am a designer and a good one and that is who I need to follow..ME!!Thanks..be patient with me as I continue to grow! Because without Jesus nothing is possible..Donna

About Me

Mother of 5,christian, wife, saleswoman in now insurance,ugh!I am an artist and I am a designer creative and all around fun person!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in everything achknowledge Him, and He will direct your ways"