Category Archives: Al-anon

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Building Healthy Relationship With One’s Self In Al-Anon

As a family recovery coach, my radar goes up when I hear clients talking about how much someone else’s drinking is bothering them. What the drinker’s actual diagnosis is or isn’t, is not important to me. If their drinking is bothering my client, I gently begin asking questions to help me better understand just how much of a problem it is to my client. Often, these conversations lead me to put Al‑Anon on my list of recommendations for the client.

You may wonder why I want my clients to go to Al‑Anon, when I’m specially trained to help the family members of alcoholics. The short answer to that question is that Al‑Anon works.

The people who have been going to Al‑Anon meetings for a very long time have discovered the secret of living well and enjoying their own lives whether their alcoholic relatives choose sobriety or not.

The clients I’ve sent to meetings progress faster toward the coaching goals they have set, become more able to deal with other aspects of their lives more effectively, and grow happier over time, regardless of their alcoholic’s choices.

I work hand in hand with the Al‑Anon program and its Twelve Steps because Al‑Anon facilitates the re‑emergence of inner health on the outer level. Al‑Anon is the program of relationships, beginning with building a healthy relationship with one’s self. And more than anything else, those related to alcoholics need support in rebuilding a healthy relationship with themselves because that’s where family recovery begins.

When Helping Hurts

Helping aids progression, creates an environment of positivity, adds value to the life of another human being. Helping lifts you up, but doesn’t hold you up; it allows you to hold yourself up as best you can. Helping at its best is supportive, not controlling; strengthening, not debilitating; mobilizing, not paralyzing. When helping hurts, it is no longer helping. It is enabling.

Enabling is often disguised as helping, but it’s quite the opposite. Enabling creates a sense of powerlessness, often discouraging and de-motivating the person who needs help.

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Little eyes, little ears; how violence against a mother shapes children as they grow

Children are changed by growing up with violence and abuse at home

Bad sights, sounds and experiences take many forms. A hit or slap is obvious to see. Abusive words and interactions cause invisible bruises.

Change can be sudden or change can be gradual

Violence at home can take the form of one or more traumatic incidents triggering sudden change. Or changes can occur slowly in reaction to the daily dynamics of abusive relationships, shaping a child incrementally as he or she grows.

Change can be visible or change can be inside

Some changes show in a child’s behaviour, such as crying, aggression, or disrespect to women. Violence in the home also changes how children think and feel – about themselves, their families and life in general.

Children are not passive witnesses to noise, tension and violence at home

Little eyes and little ears don’t miss much, soaking in sights and sounds. Child "witnesses" of violence and abuse are overwhelmed by intense feelings and concentrate hard on their own thoughts. They may feel confused and scared and blame themselves.

As they watch or listen, they guess what caused the "fight," imagine what might happen next, and anticipate potential consequences.

Change can be bad and change can be good

By understanding a child’s view, we can nurture positive changes: correct distorted ideas, encourage helpful coping, build good interpersonal skills, and foster management of intense emotions. And we can support mothers as they help their children heal and thrive.

A child who lives with violence is

forever changed, but not forever

"damaged." There’s a lot we can

do to make tomorrow better.

This resource draws together, in one place, information from the best and latest research for professionals and volunteers who help women and children.

Topics addressed include what children might feel, think and do during violent incidents against their mothers, roles they might adopt before, during or after incidents, strategies of coping and survival, and how violence may be experienced by children of different ages, from infancy to adolescence.

The purpose is to examine how violence against a mother can shape a child. By learning how each child as an individual was shaped by experiences in his or her home – and considering important contextual features of family life – we can devise ways to help.

By Valerie DeBenedette, Contributing Writer

Health Behavior News Service

Alcohol increases the risk of violence in couples — especially violence both to and by the female partner. A new study of couples found that experienced intimate partner violence found 30.2 percent reported alcohol use before or during the event.

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“I need somebody to love,” sang the Beatles, and they got it right. Love and health are intertwined in surprising ways. Humans are wired for connection, and when we cultivate good relationships, the rewards are immense. But we’re not necessarily talking about spine-tingling romance.

The odds of achieving a live birth through in-vitro fertilization (IVF) fell by 26 percent if either sex partner consumed four or more alcoholic drinks weekly, according to a new study.

Time magazine reported Oct. 27, 2009 that a study of more than 2,500 couples attempting IVF found that success rates fell by 16 percent if women drank and 14 percent if men drank. Wine seemed to affect IVF success the most among women, while beer drinking had the biggest negative impact among men.

Study lead author Brooke Rossi, M.D., of Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston said the research showed that even moderate drinking could impair IVF.

"There are many factors in an IVF cycle that contribute to success or failure. Most of these, patients have no control over, like age. But one thing you can control is alcohol intake," said Rossi. "You can decrease or stop alcohol consumption, knowing that you are going to have to do it anyway if you do get pregnant and it may increase the chances of success in IVF cycle."

The findings were presented at a recent meeting of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.