How To Help Someone Who Is Depressed

Depression doesn’t just affect the person with the disorder. Everyone around him or her is going to be affected as well.

If you’re living with someone else’s depression, it can be hard to know how to help. You love her and you really want to see her through this. At the same time, you may experience anger, sadness, grief, confusion, and hurt feelings yourself during the process.

If you want to help someone who is depressed, it’s equally important to understand how to help yourself as you go through this.

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First Things First: Help YourselfWhen dealing with how to help, the first step is to help yourself.

If you’re standing on a stable emotional foundation, you’ll be much better able to handle the challenges that come along with helping someone who is depressed.

It's easy to let your loved one’s depression affect you. Having your own support system in place will help you keep your own feelings separate from the person you’re trying to help.

Think about it. When people near you are in a negative, depressed mood, several things are likely to happen. They’re likely to say and do hurtful things. They’re likely to cancel plans at the last minute, have overwhelming difficulty taking care of their responsibilities, and be unable to explain the way that they’re feeling. You may begin to feel negative emotions as well. This is completely normal. Understanding those emotions and learning to deal with them will help you better understand how to help someone who is depressed.

You may want to join a support group for people dealing with a friend or family member who is depressed. You may want to get therapy on your own, or you may want to seek joint therapy with the depressed person, especially if you’re living with him. It’s also helpful to have a plan on board for personal care. Make time for yourself. Schedule time to get your own errands run, your own work done, and plenty of rest. Eat a healthy, balanced diet, exercise, and make time for play. Enjoy your own life. Getting in the middle of someone else’s depression and suffering along with them is not how to help someone who is depressed.

Next: Reach OutDepression is a very isolating disease. When someone is depressed, he may not ask for help. In fact, in some cases, he may even refuse help or become upset when help is offered. Again, this isn’t your fault. Don’t take it personally. Understanding depression will help you better understand how to help someone who is depressed, even when they seem to be fighting you every step of the way.

It’s very important to educate yourself about the nature of depression.

Depression is a disease. We all know what sadness feels like, and we’ve all been through periods in our lives when the sadness might have felt worse than normal. This isn’t necessarily depression. If you want to learn more about how depression feels for your friend or family member who is depressed, acquaint yourself with the symptoms of clinical depression.

There are several things to keep in mind when you’re trying to help someone who is depressed. The following lists of do’s and don’ts will give you a general idea of how to reach out without pushing them away.

Don’ts-Don’t belittle their feelings. What they feel is very real for them, and telling them that they are “making a big deal out of nothing” or flippantly saying “you’re okay” will only send them into their shell.

-Don’t order them around. When someone is depressed, they need help. Still, feeling as if they’re being told what to do and how to do it will often make things worse, not better. Instead, lovingly suggest ways that they might decide to go about getting help, and offer to help them get the help they need for their depression in any way you can. Let it be their choice.

-Don’t tell them to “pull themselves up by your bootstraps!” No one wants to be depressed, and, if it was that easy, they’d already have snapped out of it.

Again, offer to be a part of their team. Let them know that you understand they need help. They can’t do it on their own, and telling them to simply “snap out of it” will give them the impression that they can’t ask for the help they need.

Do-Do maintain a positive attitude. They may not respond at first. In fact, they may find your positive attitude annoying. Still, your positive attitude can inspire them to find their own sense of hope. Remaining hopeful and positive can only influence their attitude for the better.

-Do have your own life. It’s easy to get sucked into someone else’s depression. If you let this happen, though, the problem multiplies. Make sure you have a healthy emotional separation between you and your friend or family member who is depressed. You’re there for them—you are not them, and you cannot fix them.

-Do watch for suicidal ideation. If someone you love is hurting herself physically (i.e., cutting, self-mutilation), get help immediately. Also, if she talks of suicide or threaten suicide, seek help. When helping someone who is depressed, it is very important to practice suicide prevention.

-Do lend a helping hand. Depression can make it nearly impossible to take care of oneself, so offer to run errands, take care of the kids, or wash the dishes for your friend or loved one. Even the smallest offer of help will let them know that you care and lighten their load a little.

What if it Keeps Getting Worse?If someone you love has approached you about his depression, he’s ready for help. He will most likely continue to battle the depression for a long time, but, as long as he’s taking steps toward recovery and taking positive action, you’re going to see some positive change. Hang in there; your continued love and support will make the process much easier for him to handle.

Sometimes, though, your depressed loved one may not want help. He may not be able to admit that he has a problem, or he may not have the willingness to seek recovery. When should you walk away?

No one likes to think of walking away from a relationship, especially when that person is someone you love. It seems even worse when that loved one is depressed. Ultimately, though, if being in that relationship is more harmful for you than it is helpful for the other person, it may be time to go. In fact, it may be the most helpful thing you can do for that person. When someone who is depressed begins to lose his relationships because of his behavior, he may come to realize that he doesn’twant help. This is an extreme measure. In the end, it is generally more helpful for your depressed friend or family member if you stick with him through thick and thin.

If his depression is destroying your ability to live your own life and find the happiness you deserve, though, you may need to walk away—even if it’s just for a little while. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Ultimately, you must take care of yourself first—otherwise, you can’t help anyone else.

Always Consult Your Physician FirstAlthough it is helpful to get health information by reading and talking with friends, make sure you consult your doctor first before trying any new treatment or changing your diet. Remember that the U.S. Food and Drug Administration does not strictly regulate the strength, purity or safety of herbs and supplements. Be sure to always read product labels. If you have a medical condition, or are taking other drugs, herbs, or supplements, speak with your doctor before taking medical action or changing your health routine. This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor. LifeScript disclaims any liability for the decisions made by its readers based on the information provided.

How Much Do You Know About Depression?Depression is an extremely disabling disorder. Yet even with all of the progress that's been made in diagnosing and treating this disease, many people still are in the dark when it comes to the facts surrounding depression. How much do you really know? Take this depression quiz with information from Dr. Lawson Wulsin's new book Treating The Aching Heart, and see how well you know fact from fiction.