Ezra the Collector

February 06, 2013

First of all, I would like to establish OUT LOUD that this
is a safe space, and more specifically, this is a safe space where we can open
up and admit that yeah, our kids are weirdos.

Even more specifically, Ezra is a weirdo. Like kind of a
weird-y weird level weirdo.

I don’t know how to describe this one particular behavior he
exhibits (and has exhibited for YEARS) without referring to the name of a
popular yet distastefully horrifying reality show on A&E, so maybe this
picture will give you an idea of what I’m dancing around:

Hey, Ezra! What have you got in your pocketses today?

20 minutes
later, I think the pile ended up being 27 tiny Lego bricks, studs, berries,
croissants, mugs, chalices, various non-Lego thingamajobs and two lint-backed pumpkin stickers
that he got around Halloween.

And every single item is a treasure.
His preciousesss. And every single item must be checked
and accounted for several times a day, until he forgets about the entire
collection completely. Which usually happens right around the time he tosses
his five-pocket cargo pants into the laundry hamper. Because by that point,
he’s moved on to a collection of slightly larger plastic sundries inside a coin
purse, empty tissue box, or Ike’s talking plastic picnic basket that no longer
contains any of the plastic picnic items, because Ezra has filled it to the
brim with even more tiny Legos,
three rubber scoops of play ice cream, a spatula, seven toy cars and a handful
of broken crayons that he deliberately fished out of the trash when I wasn’t
looking and is now guarding with his very life.

Jason just up and flat-out calls him a
hoarder. (Affectionately! I swear. It’s not like we’re finding cat carcasses in
his bed. Just all the baby books from Ike’s room, a bunch of Smurf figurines
and maybe a Happy Meal box.)

I just think the kid likes…containers.
Containers full of things. He’s like a pirate with
a very DIY aesthetic and original take on the boring-and-done treasure chest.
Gold coins? Whatever. Check out these extra stomp rockets and this roll of
packing tape! WE’RE GOING TO BE RICH.

Over
Christmas break, he stumbled across a backpack that I’d bought for him to take
on long car trips. I guess he thought I’d thrown it out or something (LIKE I DO
WITH BROKEN CRAYONS AND PROBABLY EVERYTHING ELSE HE LOVES), and was so, so
happy to see it again that he insisted on wearing it nonstop for three days
straight. At the dinner table. While playing outside. To restaurants. To bed.

So I wasn’t too surprised when school
started back up, he insisted on carrying the backpack. Now, Ezra does not NEED
a backpack at his preschool — in fact, backpacks are explicitly listed as
something the children are to leave at home. But Ezra really, REALLY wanted to
take that backpack to school, like his big brother.

So I let him take the backpack to
school. Because I have better things to do in the morning than get locked in a
battle of wills over a backpack with a four year old. Like, say, NOT getting
locked in a battle of wills over a backback with a four year old.

Over time, the backpack went from being
empty to…well, becoming yet another one of Ezra’s containers of weird. He added
a notebook and some pencils...and then some finger puppets, a sandwich cookie
cutter and the instruction booklet from our microwave.

So I realized we maybe needed to curb
the backpack habit, especially since I learned he was refusing to take it off once
he got to school. And while his teacher was completely understanding and
accommodating of the backpack, he was a little less excited about the daily
show-and-tell of broken pencils, Legos,
empty DVD cases and talking Elmo phones.

It was right around this time that I
agreed to do a sponsored blog post for Citrus
Lane, which sends out age-appropriate, monthly curated boxes of
eco-friendly baby and kid gear, toys, bath products, you name it. They sent me
a couple sample boxes. One for Ezra and one for Ike, IN THEORY. In reality,
once I opened the boxes, they were both Ezra's. All his. Because they
were...containers. Full of…things. Bath toys! Books! Fruit snacks! Monkey
dishware! Lotions and bath soaps and AHHHHHH!!!!

As I watched him paw through the
assortment of surprises, I suddenly realized that I should have boxed and
wrapped all his Christmas presents into a similar single box o' wonder.

Among the bonanza of items in our boxes
was…a Skip Hop elephant lunch bag. Ezra just about passed
out. A small…Ezra-sized…container…with a handle…for carrying…for
which to put things inside…lunch-y things…omg…

Now,
again: Ezra does not need a lunch bag. He eats a school-provided
snack mid-morning, then comes home at noon and eats lunch here.

But some kids in his class stay all
day. And these kids do indeed bring lunch bags/boxes, which they deposit into a
classroom fridge each morning as they arrive. And it turns out that more than
anything — even more than a backpack full of Monopoly pieces, miniature rubber
tires and plastic teacups — Ezra wanted to join them. To be like them.

He didn't actually care about the actually
eating lunch at school part,
but just the morning ritual of putting lunchboxes inside the refrigerator.
This is what makes you "cool," apparently, in today's modern
trend-setting with-it-happening Montessori classroom. He even tried to put his
backpack in the fridge on several occasions, and then tried to talk his teacher
into letting him at least put some random pieces of toy fruit in there instead.

In other words, this lunch bag from
Citrus Lane was the greatest gift that never would have occurred to me to buy for
him, but there it is.

(So long, Play-Doh carrying case! We are moving. On. Up.)

Ezra still doesn’t stay at school for lunch, but every morning he
packs up his lunch bag. He gets real sippy cup and fills it with water and
shovels some Cheerios into a baggie. Then he adds two ice packs and a few extra essentials.

He takes it to school and puts it in
the refrigerator, where it sits untouched (and non-distracting-like)
all day. I arrive at noon to collect him and his lunch bag (which before I took
these photos had just emerged from a vigorous cleaning after being sent down
the playground slide into a mud puddle, because it and Ezra are best pals). Then
we go home, where he dutifully unpacks everything and puts it all back in its
proper place.

He’s never been happier, the goof.

***

Want your own box of random inspiration and handy essentials for your own little weirdo? Leave a comment between now and next Wednesday and I will select a random winner for a FREE box of awesome from Citrus Lane.

"BUT I NEVER WIN." Dude, I know! Me neither! But for us, here's a coupon for 50% off your first box — that's only $12.50! TWELVE FIFTY. After that, monthly boxes of baby-, kid- and mom-approved products and toys start at just $21. Head over to citruslane.com and use coupon code AMALAH50 from now until March 6th.

My middle child is the SAME way! Maybe it is a middle child issue. She has random "collections" of things like game pieces, squinkies, beads, polly pocket accessories, you name it! You have to hide things in the garbage if you want to throw out random plastic items. You will wonder where the Sorry game pieces are, then you will randomly stumble across a pouch of "treasures" and it's OOOOHHHH that is where that went to. Too funny!

Ok, OMG! BOTH of my girls do this! The almost 4yo will put everything into a backpack (the kind with a leash, leash detached), or in her baby crib. Her almost 2 year old sister tries to take the stuff from the backpack or crib and put it in the doll stroller or in to the jewelry bag that got left by the door that she found and thought was awesome to put things, all the things, in.

That is just the cutest thing ever.
My nephew is on the autism spectrum and he would only wear certain items for the longest time- maybe it is just a 4 yr old thing, who knows? Very cute though- love the bee

When I was little I did the same thing. I remember collecting all sorts of tiny things and putting them in different containers. I had pennies from years I thought were "important," broken jewelry, little pieces of paper with scribble on them, barrettes, those miniature fuzzy teddy bears, a Snoopy pin, cool rocks, stickers, all sorts of stuff. I even had/have a mini tea set collection because they are just so cuuuuuuute!! When I think about it now I get equally excited about all of those treasures. In fact, most of those containers and tiny things are still packed away at my parent's house. I would love to go through them again...that's not weird, is it? And for the record I don't have OCD, I am not very tidy, I still like to collect things, and I have no (major) problem throwing stuff away. My husband on the other hand...

Too funny! My husband does this in bed. There is a little galaxy of "stuff" he has to have as he winds down before going to sleep. I'm constantly having to throw books, pens, cups and electronics at him when they migrate to my side. :) Thanks for the giveaway!

My kid too, but she is more of a selective hoarder. It must come from off the (preferably dirty) ground! She finds little plastic toys (and money) all the time. And then she started riding the bus - a bonanza of crap...I mean treasures. Dirty chewed up pencils, pieces broken off of zipper pulls, little pieces of who knows what that will never work with anything she has, and stickers that no longer stick. All lovingly carried around in her backpack and added to daily. Sigh. I try to weed it out when she isn't looking.

My daughter does the exact same thing. Her "box" of choice right now is a gift bag my husband got for his birthday, which is right now filled with all her Minnie Mouse Boutique shoes. But just the shoes. Weirdo.

My son loves the show Hoarders! He especially loves the fact that one of the shows was actually filmed in our town and we periodically take a field trip to walk past the house and he's so proud to share it with his aunts and uncle! :)Hoarders is appropriate viewing for a 5 year old, isn't it?!

I am so happy to know that I am not alone! My six year old is a hoarder. He won't let me throw anything away and will take things out of the garbage if he sees them in there. I have to bury stuff when I throw it away!

I am convinced that in addition to the KNOWN hidey holes my youngest child has there must be a super secret one somewhere! In it are: the keys to our shed, an iPod charger, my CAR keys (missing since 2009 even at a year I blamed him), several raisins that were once grapes, and possible Jimmy Hoffa

That IS an adorable lunch box. And you are not alone - we "affectionately" call my three-almost-four-year-old a hoarder all the time, too. Girlfriend likes bags full of random stuff. And everything, EVERYTHING, is a treasure. I've had to forbid her from opening the trash so she won't know when I've "retired" one of her treasures.

OMG - it is SOOOO good to see that i'm not the only mother of a little weirdo that collect "treasure". He has done this since he could walk and I have random piles of EVERYTHING all over my apartment. He can spot a bead on the ground from 30 feet away without his glasses (WTF?) It is a constant battle about whether or not he can bring the rusty screw into the house. My weirdo is 6 and still hasn't outgrown it. So good luck - they will probably do this FOREVER.

Youngest was, at one point, accumulating Very Specific Things that had to go to bed with him. It got up to over twenty different items at one point, and we had to dedicate a special box just to Bedtime Stuff.

My oldest son and nephews did that. We called them "herders", as in they were herding their precious items around like sheep! This was before hoarders, or I may have been concerned! Love your blog, don't even know how I stumbled upon it, but it is the only one I read consistently. Precious family! Would love a box of Citrus Lane toys.

I too have a horder. My 2 year old horder keeps everything from post it note flags to spoons in his "box" o stuff. This would be awesome for him.. and a coupon to boot.. you are making it hard for me not to shop today :-)

1. This makes me wicked happy.
5. currently in my son's C3PO lunch box, one of, like five "special boxes" in his room: 3 bendable plastic Christmas trees. 1 SpongeBob bookmark. 1 "new Jersey!" pin that appeared in his backpack. I don't know why. Neon green lint which Nicky informs me is from the carpet in his classroom. 1 eraser shaped like Count Chocula. Aaaand one piece of paper upon which is scrawled, engimatically, "bad mood."

Ha, I was like this as a kid. At one point, I had a little miniature suitcase that I filled with a bunch of little plastic neon toys ( this was 1989) and called it my sweet case! I admit I still have that suitcase and it's still filled with little trinkets that I love, but none of them are neon anymore.

Both my daughters are like this. Magazine inserts - the ones I want to rip out and recycle ASAP - are like gold to them. Today my three year old lit up at the thought she got to keep a coupon at the check out that I didn't need. Little scraps of joy put into as many bags and purses as they can find.

My 4-year old twins are hoarders too. One time I was trying to convince them to stay home with their dad while I made a quick Target run. I said, unthinkingly, 'but I'm just going to get some storage boxes, no toys, it will be boring.' Instant reply, 'but we llllloooooooovvvvvveeee storage boxes.' And they do.

I won't be at all surprised if our 1 year old heads in that direction. My husband and I were looking for some toy piece the other day and we realized it could be literally anywhere roughly 36" off the ground in our house... this kid loves his drawers, nooks, crannies, etc.
I'm sure he'd love the box o' goodies!

My oldest is just a couple months younger than Ezra and he is obsessed with his "collections" - i.e., stuff that I was about to throw in the recycle bin. He's particularly fond of beer bottle caps and wine corks which are not THAT plentiful around here - it looks really incriminating if you don't realize it has taken him six months to collect an empty peanut butter jar full.

Yesterday's object of desire was the green plastic piece you pull off the milk bottle at the IKEA cafe. I do believe he slept with it...

OMG, my three year old is doing the exact same thing with the containers (of preciousness!) and random object hoarding - has been doing that since he was tiny. It's hilarious and exasperating at the same time. Glad we're not alone! :D

Oh my this would be pure heaven for the hoarding in my life. Every purse, backpack, lunch box etc... Filled with the essentials like barbie purses and shoes, a bobby pin, assorted lip glosses that roll and twist up a random penny and folded up pieces of paper.

My oldest carries random crap around in his pockets all the time too! He most recently put 3 tiny markers that he got as a party favor in there and promptly forgot about it. You can imagine my surprise when my laundry came out practically tie-dyed!

Sweet post! I too had a collector. My child would always find the container of treasures that she had played with last at friends' houses at our weekly playgroup. It was uncanny how the kid of the house never noticed the little bag or box of treasures until my child came to play.