Flying Solo

There comes a point in most of our lives as parents, when we have to go it alone for a period of time. I’m talking about whether for business or pleasure, when you’re left keeping the home fires burning while your other half is away from home.

Knowing the drill

Over the last couple of years, we’ve become accustomed to the process of Daddy having to work away for a week at a time, maybe three or four times a year. It’s just the way his line of work has gone, and as a stay at home Mum, it’s part of my role to support the needs of the work that’s keeping me where I am too.

We’ve got used to the whole business of it – a Sunday departure and a Saturday return; in body not in mind, until a few hours in bed to get over the jet lag that is. The kids deal with it in ups and downs – the ups when they’re getting any special treatment because Daddy’s away, and the downs normally when they’ve been told off, and Daddy’s absence becomes catastrophic.

We got this

In all honesty, I don’t worry about the week ahead as such anymore; well no more than any normal week anyway. Now the Mouse is not so much of a baby, she is loads more adaptable at bedtimes, mealtimes and can understand and reason so much more than she could a year ago. Tigs is getting more independent and helpful all the time, and is actually a second pair of hands when I need them.

In fact, the novelty of it being just us gets us in a frame of mind to do more fun stuff together – it’s as though I have to make up for the fact that there is only one parent around by doing extra fun things. I’m not sure why we can’t adopt this attitude all the time – I guess it’s because there isn’t any ‘You watch the kids while I just…’ going on. When you know you hold full responsibility it forces you to step up a bit, doesn’t it?

Sometimes, when Daddy’s working away we might receive generous offers of help, dinner or company from family or friends. Do we need help? Yes and No really. We are okay going through the motions together, getting on with things, but a kind offer of help with the children or a bit of moral support is a welcome offer ANY time in my book, so we will always graciously accept and be ever so grateful.

Blue Jobs

As much as I like to moan about doing everything, when the hubs isn’t around, the things he does do stick out like a sore thumb. I haven’t put out the bins since I fell pregnant six years ago, and the bathroom doesn’t clean itself. Cat litter tray? I’d rather not go there – Still holding onto the pregnancy excuse pattern.

We deal with the sleepless nights and early starts together in an alternating system, so the week of full on sleep deprivation can hit like a tonne of bricks. It reminds me how lucky I am that I have a man who helps me survive the tiredness, even though he’s got a tough day ahead at the office.

He’ll often try and work from home to help with after school clubs if he can, and tries to be flexible around any appointments the family might have. We face the bedtime routine together, mixing up the reading to the girls and swapping over when tensions get frayed. When he isn’t here there is a definite hole.

Me time

Let’s be honest here, once the hard work is done and the house falls quiet it can even be kinda nice to have the place to yourself. Full remote control control, a king size bed to spread out in and guilt free getting on with what I fancy doing (browsing clothes shops online, blogging, watching crap, scrolling instagram, going to bed at 9pm). I know that may sound harsh, but I’m sure there is a tiny bit of him (A LOT) looking forward to the 9 hour flight alone, watching boy movies, reading books, dozing in peace. A uninterrupted week of hotel room sleep and a buffet breakfast and fine dining each day (as opposed to spaghetti bolognese plated up three hours ago ready to pop in the microwave).

Sympathy vote

Of course, we will however battle over who had it harder. Travel, jet lag, long working hours and stressful agendas vs broken nights, cabin fever, mealtime monotony and misbehaving kids. In reality, there are no prizes for the worst week competition, so a little bit of understanding has to go both ways.

Doing it my way

The funny thing about having a brief spell of solo parenting, is that suddenly you hold the reins entirely. Dinner, bathtime, bedtime happens how and when you want it done. The laundry is all in the washing bin as opposed to beside it, and the towels don’t accumulate on the bed as they sometimes have a habit of doing. The just emptied space beside the sink stays that way until you next visit it.

The evening routine isn’t derailed by the 6pm excitement of Daddys homecoming each night and as such is a calm (and early) affair. Ducks are in a row in every sense of the word, and the house runs like a well oiled machine.

BUT

Life is not a machine. A week at home without my favourite moment when we hear the key in the door is like watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in black and white. Or when I reach the furthest point of my run, and the battery dies on my phone, meaning I have to run home in silence. Same process, totally different experience.

One the novelty of having the TV to yourself wears off, on around day three, the week ahead suddenly feels long and like a mountain to climb, without the sparkle of having the other half of your team to collapse onto the sofa with in unison. No one to celebrate it being Friday evening with, and a strange sense of guilt in watching an episode of a series you’ve been glued to together.

By Friday, the morning cannot come quick enough, as we all go to bed early as though it’s Christmas eve – just to make the morning arrive sooner.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and whilst so often we wish time would slow down, weeks like these, we just can’t wait to be reunited; refreshed and appreciative of each other’s role.

Like this:

44 thoughts on “Flying Solo”

I actually quite like it when husb works away for a bit. We have a little routine that he doesn’t get in the way of, oops. It’s always nice to watch that moment he comes home too, the special bit of excitement when L rushes to the door to get to him first #coolmumclub

Fab post as always honey! I do relate – when Sam is away I miss him but then I do love that I have the whole bed to myself, and that I can watch Made In Chelsea without Sam going “what’s this shit”! xx #coolmumclub

I can really relate to this post. Luckily at the mo he jeans’ had to travel much but in a previous job he did. I felt exactly the same. Enjoyed a bit of having the house to myself and no dirty washing lying around but I could not wait for him to come too x
#coolmumclub

Totally agree that life is not a machine. Even though we get into a bit of a routine nothing is ever the same! I’ve been the one who’s travelled away and Mr H happily runs the show at home. I know he likes the quality time he has with our Munchies and doing things his way around the house. I’ve got to respect that.
I also remember when he was really ill last year and just couldn’t be around to help out (totally
not his fault). I found that hard.
So I have every empathy when parents need to fly solo. Also I have the biggest respect for single parents who fly solo everyday. #coolmumclub

I’ve had a huge period of being a single mother. And also periods where Husband is pretty much at work the whole time the kids are awake. It’s tough, but you kinda fall into a pattern don’t you? Then I get annoyed when he has a day off and doesn’t do it my way! #coolmumclub

Flying solo can br hard work and I’ve done it a few times when Mr J has been away on courses. He also works two nights a week and I do quiye enjoy going for a bath and watching whatever crap I want!! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub

I think it’s almost tougher and more unsettling on the whole family when it’s not so regular, as Daddy being away is so infrequent. How great that the girls are a little older now and can understand the novelty but also that Daddy comes home again and won’t be away forever. That must be such a comfort. I know quite a few families who run like a well-oiled machine when their other halves aren’t there because they’ve had to get used to him being away every few weeks, and actually they have to adapt to the bigger disruption when he’s home! Sounds like you are doing an incredible job of being both parents keeping everything running when he’s away. Surely you could find some burly man to nip in to help with the bins and the cat litter in his absence though….those will always be blue jobs 😉 Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub lovely. Hope you’re well Xxxx

My husband is away at least once a week usually, sometime two or three nights in a row. We have a system. It works. I definitely know & can relate to what you mean about the house running like a well oiled machine when the men are not around. It’s both easier and harder.
#coolmumclub

We have this regularly and I miss him terribly. it’s doable but I don’t like doing it. I do go to bed earlier though and once I’ve cleaned I can get on with a few of my solo likes. So thanks for reminding me of that. #coolmumclub

I think I’m very lucky that neither of us have to work away from home (apart from the hubby, but it’s so rare and only one night I quickly forget about them!) so whilst I often think how it would be nice to have a few nights on my own, once the kids are in bed, to spread out in the bed, watch whatever tv I like and generally not have to do anything I don’t want to. However I bet reality is very different and it can become lonely and you can’t wait for them to come home (even if they are a little grumpy from jet lag!) #Coolmumclub

Oh I hear you – my hubby was away all of last week – playing golf in Majorca – business apparently. I know who had it hardest – not opening that one up for any debates! The key in the door – best sound ever – love! buuuuut the bed to myself – nice! #CoolMumClub

Aw what a lovely post. Sounds like you’re very lucky to have each other. The hubby goes away sometimes but only for a few nights at a time which is just about enough…To be honest all I seem to do on those evenings is blog and I get tired of it in the end – in between a few guilty reality TV pleasures! I do love having the hubby help out for bath/bedtime but it does drive me mental how long it seems to take him! It’s definitely a much quicker process when I have a night alone xx #coolmumclub

Can relate so much as my husband works away loads from mon-fri so we are used to it but same as you I miss that daddys home feeling. The kids play up all week and are angels for daddy, we play top teumps for ho has it worst too! Brilliant post! #coolmumclub

Rev T and the Tubblet don’t go away often, but when they do it’s so weird … I enjoy the time alone as I can do things my way so if I want to watch back to back editions of Location, Location, Location whilst blogging there’s no one to complain … It’s great when they come back! Hope Hubs is back soon

I hate it when my husband is late home from work, never mind when he’s not around at all because he’s working away. I know I couldn’t do this parenting thing without him and I have MASSIVE respect for the single parents out there! I loved your little analogy of him being away like “watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in black and white.” #coolmumclub

I am so lucky that my husband rarely has to go away for work, and when he does, it’s usually just for one night. Even those one night stints are hard for me. It really does make me appreciate all the work that he does. It also makes me think: How on Earth do single moms do this?? Great job taking care of business, mama! You got this! #coolmumclub

This week I have been out twice (school meeting one night and my 2nd job the next) and Chris has had to put the kids to bed. I felt so guilty as he works hard all day that I don’t like having to take away his rest time. #coolmumclub

Sounds like you do a fab job of keeping things together. I used to spend the odd night away for work and I used to look forward to it! As you say…buffet breakfast, evening meal and uninterrupted night’s sleep!! #coolmumclub

I can totally relate to this. My husband works away for 10 weeks at a time and while it’s nice to be able to watch what you want and have the bed to yourself for a few days, it soon wears off. Absence definitely does make the heart grow fonder though and I love seeing the kids when their dad comes home x
#coolmumclub

I really enjoyed this post. My other half is going away this weekend – night finishing – and all week I’ve just been looking forward to having a night in alone. I can imagine how quickly the novelty wears off though! #coolmumclub

Sounds like you’ve got it covered lady! I’ve only got the one and the husband only stays away a night or two at a time & I find it hard. Completely do-able, but having that extra pair of hands is always appreciated! #coolmumclub

I feel so lucky to have a husband who doesn’t have to work away. Like you say, when he’s away even for an evening working late- it becomes very apparent how much he does! I know my sister is often alone 2/3 weeks out of the month- I simply couldn’t do it. # coolmumclub

I first experienced going solo when our little one was just 6 weeks old! Wow. I was so naive when I agreed he could go on the training course – in another country! Obviously I had agreed with it before the baby arrived. There have been several occasions since that this has happened and each time it’s got easier. I think you just get used to it after a while. Of course it’s always wonderful when he comes home. I can usually be found running out of the door!! Jokes! #CoolMumClub

I can completely relate to this. I really enjoy the odd evening when my husband goes out to meet a friend, or is working late. But I’m always glad to know he’ll be back the following evening. On the few occasions he goes away for several nights at a time, the novelty does indeed wear off! #CoolMumClub

Flying solo is hard work! Gaz goes away a couple of times a year with work to Austria, and it’s a LONG week without him! I do enjoy it in some ways though, having the bed to myself is amazing and being able to lie on the couch and watch my trash reality TV shows is a bonus too! #coolmumclub

Yes, I hear you! I’ve recently had to do a 5 day stint on my own so can totally relate. I love having the TV to myself, but it’s a real reminder of just how hard parenting by yourself can be. Big respect to all those single parents out there. #CoolMumClub x

I feel you on this! Hubby recently went away for three days and as much as I loved the nights to myself and the ability to get more blogging done without someone wanting to tell me what he did that day, I also missed it terribly. I also appreciated all the shit jobs he did for me…. though im yet to admit that to him hahahaha #coolmumclub

I salute you Momma! I tend to have a nose bleed if my OH phones to tell me he’s missed his train let alone an entire week of having to clear up after tea and bath the kids simultaneously. It’s amazing how we all settle into our routines isn’t it. Big shout out to the mums (and dads of course) that fly solo all the time. It is blimmin hard work! Thanks for hosting #coolmumclub xx

I could talk about this with you endlessly. I have ‘flown solo’ in the way you mean (not the more commonly known naughty meaning hee hee) more than I even know. My hubby works long hours and we don’t have normal family hours as it were. Add to this the fact that he worked and lived away for almost 2 years from the time our youngest was just 5 months old and frankly, I could write the book on it. It’s horses for courses and I guess you just get on with it as you have no other choice. #coolmumclub

I only fly solo these days. I am always very tired, and I do have all the jobs to do (though I always did really), but I like the evenings left to my own devices, actually. But then I’m sure it would be nice sharing the workload with someone supportive! #coolmumclub

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I'm Sarah, a nature loving mum of two little girls, living in the Garden of England that is Kent.
I started this blog in 2015 to document the highs and lows of motherhood as I experienced it, after being made redundant from my career in Science. A place to share my thoughts and to offer another parent somewhere a virtual empathetic chat over a brew. Being a Mum has been the making (and breaking) of me, and I invite you to join me in muddling through this chapter of life called PARENTING together x