Why You Should Act Like You’re Single Even When You’re In A Relationship

“Acting single” when you’re in a committed relationship isn’t about trying to get another person’s attention or taking your partner for granted, it’s about learning to make yourself happy and considering a kickass relationship as a bonus. Here’s why you should give it a try.

You’ll keep a calm, clear perspective on things. Your partner doesn’t become your everything if you act single. You don’t put them on a pedestal or doubt your own worth because you had it locked down as a single woman and you’re not going to forget it now. This is empowering and prevents you from unhealthy relationship behaviors like chasing someone or giving more than you get.

Texting will be way less anxiety-inducing. You won’t be tempted to spend hours wondering why he hasn’t texted you back or what he meant by that weird emoji he sent last night. Why torment yourself? By continuing to live like you’re still single, you can actually enjoy the process a bit. Texting really doesn’t have to be such a big deal. Your single self would probably go out and have fun instead of sitting at home staring at her phone. Be that woman!

You’ll have better things to talk about when you’re together. If you’re making your relationship your whole world, spending 24/7 together, and abandoning everything from your single life in favor of being with them, you and your partner are going to run out of things to talk about really fast. On the other hand, if you maintain the life you always had—your career, friends, passions, and hobbies—this will not only make your life richer but make your time with your partner that much more enjoyable (and full of good conversation).

You’ll maintain your independence. You took care of yourself just fine when you were single—just because you’re in a relationship now doesn’t mean that you should depend on your partner for everything. When two whole, independent people get together, it makes for a way better relationship than one between two broken people looking for someone to complete them. Don’t lose that “independent single woman” state of mind because it’s good for you and your relationships.

You won’t get sucked into a bad relationship. It’s easier than you think for strong, healthy women to get trapped in toxic relationships. Keeping your single self alive can help to prevent that because you won’t neglect your support system just because you’re in a relationship and you won’t lose yourself to the intoxication of a new love. You’re strong and powerful and you don’t need a relationship to prove it.

You’ll remember to have fun. Remember your fun single self? Don’t block her calls. It might feel better to cozy up with your partner on Saturday nights instead of hitting the party scene with your best girls like you used to, but too much of that will probably make you get bored or restless in the end. Sure, you don’t need to hit the bars or clubs night after night, but getting out in the world with and without your partner is important.

You won’t neglect your dreams. When you’re flying solo, your dreams are your priority, but this can take a bit of a backseat when you become part of a couple and it really shouldn’t. Don’t forget to continue building your empire. It’ll help you avoid tunnel vision in your life where the only goals you’re chasing are ones you share with your partner. That’s not healthy—you need your own stuff.

You’ll remember that you’re a catch. A woman doesn’t suddenly become attractive or worthy when she gets a partner. You were worthy and valuable long before your S.O. rocked up, and keeping that in mind by thinking like a single woman is important so you don’t become needy. Walk, speak, and act like a confident single woman and you’ll never bow down to anyone.

You won’t be shattered if it ends. Breakups can be hard even if you’re the one initiating them, but that doesn’t mean you should try to avoid their devastating effects by guarding your emotions. Where’s the fun in that? You can, however, tone down the negativity and maintain your single-woman optimism. You need to have the faith that no matter what happens with your relationship, you’ll be OK because you own your destiny.

You won’t put pressure on the relationship. Expecting your partner to be your everything or make your life amazing is a recipe for a disaster. Instead of putting so much pressure on relationships, choose to go with the flow. This allows your relationship to bloom naturally and you’ll be able to see right away if things aren’t worth your time instead of fooling yourself into trying to make it happen when it’s not meant to be.

Giulia Simolo
Giulia is a freelance writer living in Johannesburg, South Africa. She writes for local and international websites, with a special interest in writing about dating. In her spare time, she can be found blissed out in a bookstore or writing fiction of her own. She loves Oscar Wilde, organic beauty products and Italian food.