How to Break the Friend Zone With a Girl I’ve Known Very Well For the Past 5 Years?

So long story short, I’ve had on and off feelings for the same girl over the past 5 years.

I met her in middle school when she was a 6th grader and I was a 7th grader. We became good friends but ever since I’ve met her I always try to convince myself that she would never look at me as a possible boyfriend.

But now that I’ve just finished my junior year of high school, we still talk and we still are good friends but I still have real deep feelings for her.

She always makes my day whenever I’m pissed off or upset about something and she just has the most infectious and beautiful smile I’ve ever seen on a girl.

She makes me so happy but she doesn’t know that I have these deep emotional feelings for her.

I would like to tell her but I’m most likely in the friend zone and I fear I won’t be able to get out. How do I break the friend zone with this girl?

– Brandon

>>>My Comments

Hey Brandon, if you’re in the friend zone, and she actually only sees you as a friend…it means you are doing certain behaviors that make her see you as just a friend.

What I’m trying to say is… there’s a pattern that you follow when you interact with her. A pattern that follows certain habits.

A pattern that makes it a HABIT for both of you to communicate as friends and a HABIT for her to think of you as JUST a friend.

So how to break the friend zone with a girl? By BREAKING that pattern… and replacing it with a new pattern containing new habits.

These new habits are specific ways you interact with her that make her start seeing you as the type of guy she can get romantic or physical with.

I just started dating a girl that I’ve known and had a crush on for around 5 years. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years. We started hanging out intimately 6 days ago. First night we drank with some friends and both got drunk and had sex. We slept together all night. We then hung out the next day.

Next day after that we talked all day and hung out and watch a couple movies that night, then went to a movie the next night. I then left for vacation but we texted all day the first 3 days of my vacation now nothing the last 2 days. I know she is going through a tough time getting over her boy friend. I’m trying to go slow because we talked about our relationship already.

But it seems like she is ignoring everything.

Should I give her more space and just text her when I’m back from vacation or try tomorrow maybe?

Anything helps thanks.

-Paul

>>>My Comments

Hey Paul, brace yourself because tough love is coming…

What are you doing man?! You have successfully attracted your 5-year crush (awesome!) but now you’re BLOWING it by overly pursuing her, acting needy, and talking about “feelings” and relationship labels.

Come on, man!

Essentially this is what’s happening…

You’re getting too fearful about her, which is making you act needy, and it’s making you want to lock her down into a relationship.

As you might already guess, this behavior is what’s pushing her away.

You see, when you start dating a woman, it’s best to have a date around once a week. If you see her every day, she might get bored real quickly.

And if you spend hours texting back and forth… you’ll suffocate her even more.

And then if you talk to her about your feelings and getting into a “relationship” that will REALLY scare her away.

Instead, here’s what you need to do:
1. Use the phone ONLY to make plans to meet up

That means no getting into long, drawn out, back and forth text conversations that go on and on without you actually getting the girl out.

If you do that, she’ll get bored of you quickly.

So only use the phone primarily as a tool for logistics.

Right now, don’t text her anymore. Wait until she responds back to you. When she does, assume she wants to see you and make a date.

Once you do meet up, pay attention to point #2…

2. Never Bring Up “Getting into a Relationship”

Keep hanging out and having fun with her without any attachment to the outcome.

No attachment to whether or not you’re in an “official” relationship with her. Alright?

How to actually “officially” get together again?

3. Let HER Be The One to Bring Up Getting Into a Relationship With You

You need to stop textually smothering her and start acting like a man who’s got other things going for him in his life.

If you do that, while doing the things that attracted her when she first started liking you..(because something DEFINITELY did)… then you will re-attract her again.

Remember, keep creating opportunities to hang out, have fun, and get physical. Do this about once a week.

Over time… the girl will start to get stronger “feelings” for you… she’ll get the sense that she is “falling” for you and she will convince herself she is “in love” with you.

And that’s when she’ll bring up “getting together” with you.

But that’s something you need to let the woman take care of. Because feelings and relationships — that’s the “feminine” department. You have to take care of the “masculine” department.

How? By making plans, setting dates, creating opportunities to hang out, have fun, and hook up.