As I watched March Madness throughout my sciatica-plagued month, I noticed a trend in all the coaches. I asked the fine people of Twitter “Is there a college basketball coach out there that doesn’t seem like they could play a villain in a movie?”

Some friends wrote back to challenge my assertion, claiming that this coach or that coach couldn’t possibly fit the description. So I give you a full, ranked breakdown of every coach from the NCAA tournament and the specific strain of villainy they would portray. Note: THIS IS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT NON-NEGOTIABLE AND SHOULD BE CONSIDERED FACT!

1. John Calipari (Kentucky): Corrupt U.S. Vice President who makes backroom deal with terrorists/aliens

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