Size Does Not Matter; It is How You Feel that Matters!

I walked into my gym, Coca CrossFit, yesterday and saw the
work out of the day (WOD) posted on the whiteboard. We had to row 500 meters
(or run 400 meters) and do 5 back squats with our bodyweight on the weight bar.
We had to complete the row and back squats in 5 rounds for time. I immediately was annoyed with the
phrase, "bodyweight" on the board.
Let's face it; the word actually pissed me off.

So, I thought well I have not weighed myself in over 3
months so I might as well get on the scale. I got on the scale and it said
280lbs. I was immediately
frustrated and discouraged about all the progress I thought I had made over the
last few months because of that stupid number. I immediately told myself you know you are carrying 5 lbs of
water weight this week (got to love bloating...not), weighed yourself in the
evening, and weighed yourself on a scale you have never been on. I had to tell
myself it was just a number and not how my body feels.

I decided to punish myself for the weight by doing approximately
half my supposed body weight in the workout. I decided 145lbs would be the
weight I would back squat. I was a
little frustrated in thinking I did not push hard enough on my rowing but I did
push hard on my back squats. I was
lifting 145lbs on my back and squatting against my own body weight. I was the last one to finish the
workout. I used to be self
conscious about being the last one done.
But I am not self conscious anymore because I know I pushed myself hard
last night. Others in the gym
realized I pushed myself hard too because at the end of the workout I received
applause. Where the heck else do
you receive applause after a workout? I will take the applause; I do love to be
on stage.

I am against the scale. Size does not matter; it is how you feel that matters! And right now, I feel amazing! At the advice of many professionals I threw away my scale
months ago. I didn't even recycle
it or put it away in storage. I threw the scale away (sorry landfills) and it
was symbolic because the number on the scale used to control my life. If I liked the number I felt great but
if I didn't like the number I felt like a fat slob. The number on the scale
controlled me instead of me controlling the number.

I had to lose 5-10lbs or I was not allowed to wear the dress to Winter Formal. The dress was a size 13/14 and is one of my favorite pictures. When I hit my healthy goal weight, I will be taking a picture in a red dress!

I can't believe how long the number on the scale and the
size of my clothes has impacted my life.
I can look back at every photo all the way back through high school and
tell you the exact size of clothing I was wearing. By the way, I love my photos from high school because of my
size but I remember how that young woman felt like she was the fattest girl in
the world. If I could instill one
message to young woman everywhere it would be to love yourself for who you are
heart, BODY, and soul.

Senior Picture: Dress Size 14 and still felt like the fattest girl in the world. Wish I could go back and tell her you look fantastic!

I will officially be weighed in at the doctor in a couple
weeks and will look forward to that number since that is the scale that has
been tracking my journey over the last few years. But I will have to talk myself into not being discouraged
because I have come a long way regardless of number on the scale. It is funny; my cousin was complaining early
in the year how we turned 35 this year.
I had no issues when I turned 35; I feel the healthiest I have ever felt
in my life physically, mentally, and emotionally.

PS. For those of you ashamed of what the scale indicates every
time you step on it, I posted my weight for the world to see just for you. I am not ashamed of any part of myself
including my body. I am on my journey to lose weight for my health not because
the girls on T.V and magazines look skinny (actually skinny will never be a
goal, I like my curves too much).
I hope you too can overcome the control the number on the scale has on
your life. I know first hand the pain,
discouragement, shame, and hatred the scale causes. It is just a number, not
how you feel or what you can accomplish!

Me Recently, feeling great regardless of the size of my dress or number on the scale. How do you feel today?

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