This is a story about Finland, and a tradition that has been occurring for over 75 years. My mom sent me a link to this inspiring story many years ago, and today as I was writing a short essay on welfare reform, my dear mom’s enthusiasm for the cardboard box of Finland emerged in my mind.

In the 1930’s, low-income expectant mothers were given either a cardboard box filled baby items like sheets, blankets, fabric to make clothing, toys, etc. or a cash grant. 95% of families chose the baby box. Throughout the past 75 years, the items have changed to reflect the times, like ready-made clothing, and removing the bottles to promote breastfeeding (This would be considered a promotional subsidy or grant, like our book discusses on page 406. They used the baby box to promote and encourage certain “private activities” like breastfeeding which would benefit baby’s health, and most likely lessen healthcare expenses.) Here is a list of recent items from the BBC News article Why Finish Babies Sleep in Cardboard Boxes that mothers will find in their baby box:

In 1949, the country decided to give the box to all mothers, no matter their income, removing any stigma from receiving a box. The country had a very high infant mortality rate in the 1930’s, reaching 65 deaths per 1,000 births. By 1950, this number dropped to 32, and today Finland has one of the lowest infant mortality rates in the world (1.7 deaths per 1000, compared to 5.8 in the United States) (https://www.healthsystemtracker.org/chart-collection/infant-mortality-u-s-compare-countries/#item-infant-mortality-higher-u-s-comparable-countries (Links to an external site.) In 1949 the government changed the perception of the box from a hand-out to an equalizing gift. This promotional subsidy was and is the “carrot” of the infant mortality and healthcare expense challenges. The box encouraged citizens to see a doctor before the mother-to-be was 4 months pregnant, or they would not receive the grant. The government also made changes to the healthcare system during those 75 years to National Health Care Insurance and a Central Hospital Network.

I do believe that human beings need those carrots and need for government to create responsible public policies that protect and serve the people. I want my representatives to follow more of the Trustee Model, by being informed and exercise their experience and good judgement on critical issues like healthcare. Even if their decisions go against what citizens may feel at a particular time, I want a government and representatives that our Founders envisioned; wise and able to see the bigger picture that the masses may not, like how giving out baby boxes to everyone could create a happier, healthier and more equitable place to live.

Here is a quote from an analysis written by Professor Daniel D. Huff, professor emeritus of social work at Boise State University: “In 1990 the federal government spent 4.7 billion dollars on all forms of international aid. Pollution control programs received 4.8 billion dollars of federal assistance while both secondary and elementary education were allotted only 8.4 billion dollars. More to the point, while more than 170 billion dollars is expended on assorted varieties of corporate welfare the federal government spends 11 billion dollars on Aid for Dependent Children. The most expensive means tested welfare program, Medicaid, costs the federal government 30 billion dollars a year or about half of the amount corporations receive each year through assorted tax breaks. S.S.I., the federal program for the disabled, receives 13 billion dollars while American businesses are given 17 billion in direct federal aid.” An example of corporate welfare are the subsidies that are given to the fast-food industry every year. The University of Illinois and UC Berkeley did research to show that “taxpayers pay about 243 billion dollars each year into indirect subsidies to the fast food industry because they pay wages so low that taxpayers must put 243 billion dollars to pay for public benefits for their workers”. This is also an issue with big box stores like Walmart.

There are many negative and inaccurate perceptions about welfare, like most recipients are African American, or “they” don’t want to work, which create the negative attitudes about welfare that keep Americans distracted and far from solving the poverty dilemma. If we could shift our perspective out of judgement and focus on the real sources of the problem like discrimination, inequality, racism, gender bias, etc. (which take time and a willingness to change attitudes) and target reductions in the corrupt corporate welfare system, real change could be possible.

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“How you climb a mountain is more important than reaching the top.”
― Yvon Chouinard

OK, I lied.

Cupcakes didn’t really change my life, yet…

Cupcakes have helped me see that it isn’t so much about the end product, but how I choose to get there.

Slowing down and recognizing the possibilities and impact of each moment both nourishes our souls and the world around us. This process can feel both like an inconvenience and a pull on our limited reserves of time, energy, creativity, thoughtfulness, talent, inspiration or money… yetas we give what we think we do not have enough of, our life transforms; we find ourselves asking how we can feel so content and full of a happiness that persists even among the pains of life.

To build new habits, we need to strengthen our mental muscles. We need to begin by creating a mantra that asks something of ourselves. It isn’t about bettering ourselves or the moment. It is exactly the opposite. It is about learning how to step back into our magnificent selves, and live the moment as “we” instead of me.

Here are 16 statements and questions to help get us started on creating a nourishing and slowing mantra:

1) I don’t think I need that.

2) What would the courageous thing to do here?

3) I think I will let that thought go.

4) Could I make a new and inspired choice that leaves the world a better place, or at least no worse?

5) Do I believe in this and how does this impact the world?

6) I am so happy that this action aligns with my values.

7) Who could I teach this to?

8) I choose this instead of that because it gives comfort.

9) Could that be re-used?

10) Is this action just, compassionate and loving?

11) I am enjoying this moment.

12) Just listen.

13) Deep breath and stand up for what is right.

14) This action promotes well-being for everyone and I am grateful.

15) My actions matter and make a difference.

16) Can I spend a little extra on that which promotes justice?

As we contemplate the power of the moment and invest in something greater than ourselves, there will be a sense of loss and confusion as the world whizzes by. We question what we are missing… but I have to hurry up. I don’t have time. I need more. I want more. It has to be better. I need more happiness. Grab. Don’t care. Don’t have time. Don’t have time. Too busy. Don’t even remember that I care. Need more. Better. Meeeeeeeee!

Whatever we are doing, including eating, buying, giving, or baking cupcakes, we have limitless possibilities to incite our slowness mantra and ask something of ourselves. What moments of justice, equality and love created that bike, that house, that car, that skirt, that makeup, that phone, that conversation, that text, that email, that bacon, that water, that blanket, that hamburger, that restaurant, that job, and that life changing cupcake?

Don’t have time? Make time. Start with one act of slowness, and build from there. These are the moments that begin to build deep and lasting happiness. These moments fill us up with gratitude and abundance because we are being of service in each and every moment. We are shifting our focus from the quick feel- good ending, to the long, beautiful and enduring now.

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The Food and Farm Act, otherwise known as H. R. 4425, is a bill that was introduced by Representative Earl Blumenauer, on November 16, 2017. This bill plans to:

“reform the safety net for farmers and ranchers, enhance soil, water, and habitat conservation, encourage beginning farmers and ranchers, strengthen nutrition for Americans, support agriculture research and innovation, reduce food waste, improve animal welfare, and invest in regional food systems, and for other purposes.”

To support this critically important bill, please dial 202-224-3121, and press 2, then enter your zip code to connect with your state representative. Here is a sample script you can use:

I am a constituent, and am calling to ask you to sponsor the Food and Farm Act, H.R. 4425, to create a fairer and more sustainable food system.

Thank you for you your much needed support! Every call makes a difference!

Did you make the call? I’d like to hear from you!

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-Friends of the Earth:

WASHINGTON, D.C. –Friends of the Earth today supported Representative Earl Blumenauer’s (D-OR) Food and Farm Act, a progressive alternative to farm policy dominated by industrial agriculture. Current federal agricultural policy directs significant tax-payer subsidies towards large, pesticide-intensive industrial farms at the expense of family farmers, rural communities, public health, animal welfare, and the environment. As Congress begins to deliberate the 2018 Farm Bill, Friends of the Earth applauds the Food and Farm Act’s alternative vision for an agricultural system that will help family farmers and ranchers thrive, while improving access to healthy food and protecting our planet.

“Instead of handing out endless taxpayer dollars to agribusiness polluters, the Food and Farm Act will provide farmers the support they need to produce abundant, healthy food while protecting our soil, water, climate and pollinators,” said Kari Hamerschlag, deputy director of the food and agriculture program at Friends of the Earth. “For the benefit of family farmers, consumers, animals and the environment, we urge Congress to reject the status quo and support Rep. Blumenauer’s alternative farm bill”

“I applaud Rep. Blumenauer for drafting a farm bill that will help farmers like me expand production of organic, grass-fed, humane, and locally processed meat and dairy products for the growing market of consumers who want healthier food for their families,” said Will Harris, a fourth generation farmer and owner of White Oaks Pasture, a diversified and certified organic, grass-fed and humane operation that raises and processes beef, lamb, poultry, rabbits, eggs, and vegetables in Georgia. “It would be a great leap forward to have a farm bill that supports regenerative and humane agricultural practices that serve to strengthen our local rural economies.”

Among other provisions, the Food and Farm Act includes measures to:

Level the playing field for family farmers by limiting subsidies in the commodity, conservation, and crop insurance programs;

Protect soil and water quality by requiring that crop insurance subsidy recipients implement good stewardship practices on their land;

Support regenerative, organic, pasture-based and humane farming practices that will protect pollinators, build healthy soil and reduce the use of antibiotics and pesticides;

Increase access to healthy food in underserved communities and schools, and support infrastructure investments that will allow greater access to better quality, regionally produced meat, dairy and poultry products;

How to be a Happy Vegan in London

Are you thinking about a trip to London and concerned about vegan options? Our British adventure was full of plant-powered choices and so will yours!

Here are some ideas and specific locations that will help ease your worries about being vegan on your European vacation:

Designate your vegan meal for the airplane when booking your flight. If it says that is not an option, call the airlines right away and let them know what you will need. Next, call the airline again 24 hours before your flight and remind them that you will need a vegan meal and snack. As a back up, bring snacks from home just in case their are no options. As a backup, I purchased a delicious Nutty Monkey (gluten free oats, almond milk, maple syrup, lemon juice, almond butter, banana, coconut, cacao nibs) at the airport from a vending machine company called the Farmers Fridge. It isn’t a vegan company, but they have options. You could recycle the container right there in the machine, and it was mostly organic, local food. There are also lots of vegan options at the airport restaurants (we were leaving from Chicago O’Hare) yet it is very expensive. Pack your own!

2. We flew into Dublin, Ireland and stayed for two days in an apartment in the center of town called The key Collection Temple Bar Apartments, which was perfect for walking to everything including restaurants and grocery stores.

I loved having a kitchen that we could eat our breakfast and dinner in. We would stock up on all of our favorite items, and eat before and after our exploring.

We found a wonderful grocery store within walking distance of our apartment. Check out the Organic Supermarket, or The Good Food Store. There is also a vegan butcher in Dublin that we did’t get a chance to check-out called Sova Vegan Butcher.

3. When we arrived in London, we stayed at the Park Plaza County Hall London, which is situated within easy walking distance to the London Eye and the Waterloo Tube station. We began our quest for vegan groceries and dinner immediately upon arrival to London. It was a slow start, only finding a few mediocre vegan items until stumbling upon a couple gems in the quaint Lower Marsh neighborhood. My husband and I found a restaurant called Sino Thai that was amazing. My husband ordered the Tofu Pad Thai and I ordered a very simple white rice and steamed vegetables. Yum!

Just close your eyes as you first pass their mini-butcher shop, and head down to the beautiful produce on the first floor, and the basement full of interesting vegan surprises. We found faux burgers and sausages, bread, yogurt, cookies, fruit, veg, crackers, salads, cheese, specialty drinks, and much more. The corner store grocery experience and neighborhood walk down Lower Marsh had us loading up a cart every evening after our day of exploring. Check out the Lower Marsh Market on Facebook to learn more about the area. Let me know if you find the illusive bakery lady that sells amazing vegan cupcakes. She needs a shout out too!

4. On our 10 mile walk to the Tower of London, we found our favorite vegan friendly Vietnamese restaurant called Banh Mi Bay near St. Paul’s Cathedral. Great food, clearly marked vegan items on the menu, charming restaurant, and great service. We were all filled up on the Tofu Vegetable Pho.

Don’t make the same mistake we did and head back there on the weekend because they iz clozed!! That was utterly disappointing.

5. After learning how to navigate the Tube (and more importantly utilizing Apple Pay to access the Tube, receiving Oyster Card prices) we found all sorts of wonderful spots in London. One of our favorite spots is Soho where we found more delicious pho at Pho and an all vegan ice cream shop called Yorica.

All I need to say is Free Sprinkles! This place is so much fun with its wonderful topping options (including a Jammy Dodger and whip cream), cute shop, sweet staff, and excellent selection of frozen yogurt and ice cream flavors. We took a second trip to Soho just to get another scoop.

6. I should have openly admitted at the beginning of this post that we are not only vegan, but we are also Dr. Who and Torchwood nerds, so one of our final destinations in England had to be Cardiff. We hopped on the tube at Waterloo and headed to the Paddington station, where we connected with Rail Europe for our 2 hour trip to Cardiff. On our way from the train station to Cardiff Bay, we found a new restaurant that had some vegan options that hit the spot called Octavo’s Book Cafe and Wine Bar. It’s called a hidden gem, because it is! Only vegans or folks with food allergies will understand how magical it is to stumble upon a sign that says vegan options this way. Octavo’s came through with the yummiest seitan hot dog that was topped with pickles, mustard, caramelized onions and a side of coleslaw.

As we were on our way back to the train station, we wandered through the alleyway called Castle Arcade and found Simply V, Cardiff’s vegan shop! I couldn’t believe we had stumbled upon another amazing spot. We bought most of Cardiff’s best vegan junk food and 4 faux cheesy sausage pies for the train ride home. My daughter and I had just been talking about how we were tired of all of the signs for shepherds pies that were certainly not vegan, so I won’t ever forget the look on my daughter’s face as we both took our first bite, and the flaky crust nearly melted in our mouths. Amazing! Thank you for the good work you are doing at Simply V!

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We may forget, but every moment is sacred. There are some moments though that remind us of it because the sweetness is pressing up so very close with the inevitable bitterness of life.

This morning, my parents sent me a Snap Chat from the Good Samaritan rehab facility. My mom recently had a stroke after enduring her third brain surgery this year. She was diagnosed with an aggressive malignant brain tumor a year ago, and has undergone radiation and multiple chemo-therapies. The Snap Chat was of a moment in time; the two of them singing the song Good Morning from the musical Singing in the Rain. It simultaneously made me smile and cry as my mom wrestled with the words and my dad smiled as he sang.

Oh, how I sometimes want to refuse the pain, yet there they were singing to me the ying and yang, the ebb and flow, and the coming and going of all of life.

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Crunch, crunch, crunch went the snow under my boots, as I walked towards the barn, breathing in the cold air. It took some extra muscle to slide the frozen barn door, but with one good heave, there I was again. Bright light in my eyes, welcoming hooves clanking on wood, fresh straw, and one deep and comforting breath. I had done this familiar moment hundreds of times, yet I am always surprised by my delight.

As I scooped a little extra grain, I chatted with the goats about the unbearable temperatures and our mutual feelings of being cooped up. I unlocked the wooden gate as I shook the container of grain, and they stepped aside waiting for the ritual to unfold. As they argued over the best side of the dispenser to eat from, I ran my work glove over their fuzzy winter fur and their happy tails flickered back and forth

After several trips back and forth from barn to house, the buckets were clean and full of hot water. Both goats immediately dipped their mouths into the steam, sucking and slurping, and then shaking off their wet beards and chins.

Pushing away fears of mice crawling in my pants, I plopped down in the straw. I closed my eyes, took in the beautiful quiet, and realized that I was actually warm. I then felt the love nibbles on my hat tassels and jacket buttons, and reached out and scratched their cheeks. Areida nuzzled her face into my arms as I scratched her neck and there she stayed for several minutes. She would occasionally peek out, re-adjust, and then back in her face would go, nestled into my arms. She was just about to settle herself down next to me, when the yipping began.

I jumped to my feet, listening as as a surge of adrenaline rushed through me. Oh my god. There were coyotes very close by. As their calls grew louder, I scrambled to open the locks on the gate, grabbed a broom and peered out the barn door. Nothing…Quiet… More adrenaline. I smacked the broom against a tall metal ornamental rooster that stands just outside the barn, hoping to scare them off. I again peered around the next corner. There was nothing, so I embarrassingly broke into a full-out crazy run with a flailing broom at my ready. As I approached the house I turned for another look, expecting them to be right behind me. There they were, all 5 of them, running in the field away from me and the barn.

Very suddenly, this all went from frightening to exciting and I defiantly ran back out towards the barn, watching as the pack bounded in a straight line through the deep snow. They all stopped several times, looking towards me and the barn. They quickly ran out of my sight, yet continued to make noises that raised hairs on the back of my neck. I’ll admit I was relieved they were gone, but I also wished I could see more.

The little red barn never disappoints.

Thank you to the yipping, beautiful and frightening coyotes for making my heart race and for allowing me to see you in your element. And thanks for not eating me.

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It all started after a morning of errands with my husband. We had dropped of books and movies at the library, took a new route to Tractor Supply, and then headed to Woodman’s for groceries.

Later that night, as I was lying in bed, I had an unsettling thought. I had intended to get cash back at all of the stores we shopped at. My husband had an upcoming trip to Germany, and I was being Ms. Frugal, avoiding cash machine fees. Where had I gotten cash back? I popped out of bed, looked in my wallet, and found $40.00. Huh.I thought I had gotten cash at two places. I should have $80.00.

I looked at my receipts, and saw the $40.00 cash-back entry on the Tractor Supply receipt. My immediate conclusion was that Tractor Supply had not given me my money. It made complete sense to me in my sleep deprived (and hormonally sopped) state. And to answer your question now… NO, I did not look for the second receipt that I most definitely should have been looking for. I was a lady on a mission.

Early the next morning, I was on my 40 minute quest to Tractor Supply, armed with my receipt and my conviction. I walked into the store to find the young woman who had checked me out the previous day. As I asked to see the manager, I eyed her and chewed over if she had pocketed my money; maybe X-Men and no expense spared at the concessions?

The manager smiled as she walked up to the register. “How can I help you?”. I slowly pulled the receipt out of my purse and pointed at the evidence. She mumbled untruths about last nights reconciled accounts, and there was talk of “going to the back room” to check the books again. I was not backing down. No gift certificates or in store credit either. I wanted cash.

She continued to be disagreeable as she walked towards the registers. She opened the till, counted the money, and handed me the $40.00. My mission was accomplished.

That night, around the same time I had the original cash-back thought, I had a much, much more terrifying thought that I proclaimed to all who laid near me: Dear God, there was no second cash-back! We had gone through the self-serve line at Woodman’s and were unable to receive cash. Somehow (please don’t judge me) I had completely blanked that out. My daughters both stared at me with empty expressions, until a smile crept across my older daughters face. Her timing was magnificent…”You robbed Tractor Supply. Oh my God. You really robbed Tractor Supply. You just walked in, demanded money, and they gave it to you!!!”.

And that my friends, is how I came to be known as the Cash-Back Bandit; armed only with my false creed and a crumpled receipt.

Epilogue: The following day, I left early to return to the scene of the crime, with an apology note, $40.00 in hand and some humble pie on my breath. I did not end up doing any hard time, yet I am living with the whispers.

What have I learned?

1) We are not always right! Can you believe it?

2) Think the best of people.

3) Take time to laugh at our mistakes.

4) Forgive and be forgiven.

5) Take the time to really listen to others. They might have something important to say.

6) Take time to process your thoughts. The need to act quickly may be a red flag.

7) Tell your stories, so others can learn from your successes and mistakes.

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“The thought manifests the word;
The word manifests the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
And habit hardens into character;
So watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let them spring forth from love
Born out of compassion for all beings.
As the shadow follows the body, as we think, so we become.”
― Juan Mascaró

Love and compassion reside within all of us and live in each of our moments. They are guide posts, pointing the way to our highest selves. We are given a lifetime of opportunities to slow down and nurture and cultivate the love and compassion resting within ourselves and the now.

Today, I found them patiently waiting for me inside an empty lunch bag.

I often make my husband’s lunches while he showers, and prepare our tea and toast to eat together before he leaves. As I pondered what I would include in today’s lunch, I caught myself feeling the love I hold for my husband. I will add the Seitan jerky he loves and the seed and nut mix. Oh, and the banana chips, and some dark chocolate. I started putting together the salad, and decided to run out the garden to pick some lemon cucumbers, dragon carrots, cherry tomatoes, nasturtium and purple cabbage. His lunch would include the sunshine.. As I added each item to the lunch bag, my heart continued to swell. That empty bag was now full of my love, my patience, my compassion, my hope, and my kindness.

Those moments are all around us and within us, and we need only allow ourselves to experience their true and lasting happiness; transforming our conditioned minds by balancing our self-interest, creating new habits, and developing our highest selves. With that lasting happiness comes the ability to shoulder our expanding compassion, helping us to acknowledge the suffering of all beings and become willing to offer our love to them all.

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“Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.”
― Natsuki Takaya

I recently spent an entire hour being guided to replace the word but with the word and, even if it sounded crazy. I didn’t realize until then that the word but has the power to negate all things good- beauty, love, positive intentions, gratitude, transformation, etc… The word and has the power to say that two seemingly conflicting ideas can simultaneously stand together.

I began seeing buts everywhere. I could hear it in my thoughts, my words, and in conversations with others.

The word but has two unique powers: It is a justification to stay stuck and a reminder to stay fearful.

I caught myself in a doozy of a but shortly after my hour of observed practice. It was a beautiful day out in the garden. I was so in the moment, enjoying everything around me and the peace within me. I became aware of how grateful I was for my growth, values and actions aligning with who I am. The sun was warming my face, the breeze was rustling the oak leaves, the seedlings were emerging, the cat was resting near by. Then, a dark cloud of thought passed through and said: Yes, these are wonderful moments, but you are not where you want to be. Marengo, Illinois is not where you would choose to be. You are stuck.

And then I changed it. This is a wonderful moment, and you are not where you think you want to be and we are working on it. I can be happy today, where I am, and accept that I am working towards my goal of re-location.

The butnegates the moment, and has us following the dark cloud, until we lose our gratitude and end up anxious, overwhelmed, and filled with grief.

The and lets us soak up our happiness and watch the dark clouds pass by.

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“Odd as I am sure it will appear to some, I can think of no better form of personal involvement in the cure of the environment than that of gardening. A person who is growing a garden, if he is growing it organically, is improving a piece of the world. He is producing something to eat, which makes him somewhat independent of the grocery business, but he is also enlarging, for himself, the meaning of food and the pleasure of eating.”
― Wendell Berry, The Art of the Commonplace: The Agrarian Essays

Our vision at WelcomeTree Farm is to better the health and happiness of our community and the world as a whole:

* Teaching about the benefits of growing an organicgarden and being an organic consumer (Our health, healing & preserving our environment, a sense of purpose, spiritual well being, education of a new generation, and our interconnections with all living things…).

* Sharing our passion for ending the destructive forces of factory farming through hands-on educational activities and lectures that cultivate a deeper compassion for all sentient beings. (I plan to visit Farm Sanctuary in Watkin Glen, NY in 2018 to learn more about how we can support the mission to end factory farming).

* Supporting low-income and elderly community members in establishing their own organic gardens (Individuals or families would be supplied with low or no-cost organic vegetable seedlings, tilling or raised-bed construction, and “as-needed” levels of support with planting, weeding, harvesting, and recipe/cooking support).

* Selling, sharing, and donating organic vegetables and fruit to the community that we live in.

* Actively engaging in our local and government politics to help ensure:

4) Food, shelter and health justice, where food free from pesticides and human/animal abuse, a place to call home, and health care are treated as the basic human rights that they should be.

Would you like to support the WelcomeTree Farm vision? Just click the Donate Button at the top of the page. We will let you know exactly how your contribution helped to further our goals. Please pass along our website to your friends and family. Thank you.

Any questions? Contact Denise at welcometreefarm@me.com.

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“Silence is the great teacher and to learn its lessons you must pay attention to it. There is no substitute for the creative inspiration, knowledge, and stability that come from knowing how to contact your core of inner silence.”
― Deepak Chopra

When my hands are dipping into the warm dish water, the broom is brushing the corners for hiding crumbs, the blankets are being stretched to evenly meet the pillows, my breath greets the outside air with a forgotten contentment, warmth floods my heart as I tend to the chickens and goats, or the image of a flower unfolds within my breakfast… my twisting thoughts loosen their tenacious grip, and I am found once again.

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“It is not that we love to be alone, but that we love to soar, and when we do soar, the company grows thinner and thinner until there is none at all. …We are not the less to aim at the summits though the multitude does not ascend them.” ― Henry David Thoreau

I grew up in an alcoholic home. It also dabbled in food addiction, depression and anxiety. Gratefully, my parents decided to seek out recovery and shifted the tracks and changed the trajectory of all of our lives.

The first generation that make changes to better their lives usually don’t see the real impact of their actions for many generations to come. Both my grandfathers began a recovery process later in their life, and then my dad stopped drinking when I was 6. Our house was full of recovery, yet the insidious nature of addiction reached it long arms into my adult life. I did not become an alcoholic myself, but most of my painful teenage memories had something to do with the consequences of alcohol. I stopped drinking before I lost the power of choice, yet food quickly tightened its grip on me once again.

We do not all begin life at the same place. We who have grown up with dis-ease have to fight harder to see who we are. We have to push through what we think we know to be true, embrace the expansive discomfort that is not pacified by entertainment, addiction or ideas of the future. We need to slow down enough to cultivate that fire within us that has been smothered by disease and then do even more.

I have to continue to remind myself that there is no one right or perfect direction, yet I have the power to make many solitary spiritual decisions that have the possibility to send healing ripples first through my soul and then out into the world. Each of these choices lessens the pain, strengthens my joy, and fills up that place where the symptoms of the disease used to cry out from for something real. It is now filled with purpose, love, courage, resilience, and the principles that help me slip back into my own Denise shoes and stand up tall. When I am full of that slowed down place where I can see what really matters to me, I no longer suffer, crave, or seek to simply entertain myself. It fills me up so fully that I finally see what it is to want to serve with no strings attached.

My daughters are not fat, and have no interest in alcohol and have a healthy relationship with food. They care about where their food comes from, and believe that all sentient beings have the right to not suffer needlessly. They are conscious of their actions and the impact that it has on the health of the planet, and all those living on it.

My heart swelled last night when my daughters tried to postpone going to bed by engaging me in conversation about The China Study , a (must read) book I just finished and have probably (most certainly) over talked. “Oh come on. I’ll discuss Colin Campbell and his scientifically significant studies on animal protein and it’s negative effects on cancer. We can talk about that Caldwell Esselstyn guy, the surgeon, who finally pushed the steak that was placed in front of him away, and became a vegan”. Laughter ensues…

I can laugh at myself because I know… food is my fire and it burns with me all day. It started as the thing I was addicted to, obsessed about, that disfigured my body, and held me back from finding out who I really was, but no more. It is one place that I can honor all beings through art, political action, compassion, mindfulness, education, love, and a reverence that connects us all.