When Another Harry Met Another Sally

Let me tell you how Jenny's boyfriend reacts every time she has a new
'nice' male friend to hang out with. He narrows his eyes, his right hand
reaches up to his nose and scratches it as if it is itchy and his face reddens
for a couple of minutes. I could almost see the adrenaline fill up his blood
vessels.

His alarm bell goes wild! But I can completely understand
it. What else do men possess in their lives, more than a smart, attractive,
funny and loving woman? If we put golf, wrestling show nights and crappy
conversations over a beer aside, of course. To learn that a male stranger
makes an intrusion - no matter how innocent it is - into his marked
territory is just too much to bear for Jenny's boyfriend. Isn't it funny?
Why can't some people just accept friendship between genders? What is
the fuss about?

We wouldn't think twice to say 'yes, there's a wide possibility',
if only all human beings were created with the same hormone configuration.
But guess what, we are absolutely different creatures by nature. Like
John Gray said in his book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
The female group is destined to use brains and emotion to face life while
the other group uses the twin heads and huge ego to solve problems. A
huge gap in between. Now - a mutual friendship, yes - this means no flirting
and no casual sex involved, between the two? It's challenging.

A close comparison to a platonic relationship is two mature Chihuahuas
stuck in a box, one male and one female. At first, they get along
fine - minding their own private business. Secondly, they grow to like
each other, trying to scratch each other's back - being a lady and a gentleman.
But the more time they spend together (say, for this breed - maybe three
hours?) the more they realise that they both have undeniable biological
urges. And it rocks the box. Another description I read from a web site
related to this subject is that the temptation to cross the friendship
borderline is similar to junk food cravings at 3 a.m. after dancing your
butt off in CJ's. You don't need it - but it has an indisputable appeal.

It is also almost impossible for people who are too attractive to
have healthy platonic friendships. Why? Well, the luscious information
caught by your eye travels through the nerves into your brain. Your brain
will react and command an action - which might be transferred to the wrong
organ. Have a look at the 'Friends' TV series - I have no idea why they
still call it 'Friends'. The producer should have altered the title to
' Three guys and three girls who are trapped in an apartment building
and start to sleep around with each other'. No? Maybe that's too long.
Why does Monica end up with Chandler and Ross with Rachel? Because they
are just too unrealistically good looking to be friends? Which is fine
on TV, otherwise nobody would be watching it. I think what the producer
wanted to elucidate is that there are too many risks involved in friendship.

Friendships that entail married or non-single people are sometimes
easier - as long as they have healthy relationships with their spouses
and do not pick psycho marriage breakers as their platonic friends.

Several important factors are the key to a successful platonic relationship.
The basic rule is that both parties have to enter the friendship without
any hidden agenda. Both of them, or at least one of them, have to possess
a strong will and discipline to set the rules and remind the other where
the boundaries are. Phew, I am already sweltering here. It sounds more
like the preparations to go off to a war instead of a sweet relationship.

A lot of women are also such teases. They need to feel that they are
adored - that they are attractive and sexy thus they become flirtatious
with their so-called 'male friends'. This kind of women tends to lure
their male mates to be on and off lust quenchers. What I particularly
dislike is when either the male or the female starts something (can be
translated as excessively romantic treatment) then quickly moves back
to the friendship zone the next day? It's so uncool and a rather cheap
way to confuse the platonic friend on where he or she should stand after
the treatment.

It is a completely different story if one of them has a feeling for
the other. Maybe initially there is no hidden agenda, but more likely
something that grows along with the time they spend together. What can
you do then? If it's only one sided, the best solution is just to shut
up. If you say the three magic words, it will only ruin the friendship,
unless the other one feels the same way - but usually you can tell that
beforehand.

Two additional tips if you think you like your partner beyond friendship:
One, never take advantage when she cries on your shoulder telling you
about her problems with her guy. Don't comfort her too tight in an unfriendly
way (sexually fantasizing about her when you inhale the nice fragrance
from her hair during the friendly hug is a big no-no). Tip number two,
never - I repeat - never get drunk and tell her what you feel. If you
do, quickly deny it as soon as you are sober. Or say something nice like:
"I wasn't quite myself last night, I probably said some things I wouldn't
have said if I wasn't drinking too much wine." That's not too cruel, don't
you think?

Finally, I ask myself: "Why do we need to have platonic relationships
anyway?" As a female, my answer is simple. Wouldn't it be great to have
a good friend who doesn't talk bad about you behind your back, who doesn't
borrow your favourite dress then forget to return it, who doesn't borrow
your lipstick when he is suffering from a bad flu?