"She Wrote"

BY: Lanisha porter

​The purpose of a filter is to purify or remove unwanted properties from a certain selection. Many things go through the process of being filtered—Aquariums, fish ponds, fuel lines, air conditioners, furnaces, and most importantly, drinking water. Filtering is necessary for the proper function and highest quality of many things. Prime example, water—if water does not undergo being thoroughly filtered, the impurities not filtered out can cause serious harm to those who consume it. When water is unfiltered it becomes contaminated. Contamination causes serious concern that can lead to more malignant illnesses.

Comparatively, getting involved with the wrong men and their impurities can cause serious contamination prompting serious concern. Women who have had bad experiences to judge by, past pains to cross-reference, and enough acquired knowledge to know better, often create a filter. This filter helps get those future impurities out. It separates those men who have the properties of a manipulative, deceptive, abusive, and unhealthy partner from mixing with you. This filter is important and is strengthened as we live and gain more wisdom, however, so many women apologize for having it. Let me elaborate.

Your filter is your strength. It is your guard. Your protection. Your safety. It keeps things that hinder your health, welfare, happiness, and function out. Yet, we allow men to come in and tell us our filter is too strong and that it’s not allowing them “in.” In other words it may sound like this, “You are too guarded” or “You have too many walls up.” And whenever a woman hears those things, no matter how much we like to think that it just rolls off of our backs, it doesn’t. Criticisms like that stick around and haunt the way we deal with every man from there on out. And subconsciously we start weakening our filter thinking if we reduce the standard we will find what we need. We begin to believe that we will be making a compromise for the sake of attaining happiness. We negotiate ourselves into believing that we will be accommodating him by lightening his load. Well..do you mind if I tell you the dangers of weakening your filter?You increase the chances for yourself to be contaminated with those impurities. Remember how I mentioned earlier that your filter separates those who have the properties of a manipulative, deceptive, abusive, and unhealthy partner from mixing with you? Well if you weaken or take away that filter, BOOM! All those guys-I mean, impurities get to contaminate your water-I mean, well-being.

So young lady, I beg of you…

ask all the questions you need. Go as slow as you need. Don’t feel compelled to admit to having feelings that you actually don’t have.Figure him out as much as you need.Make note of all his inconsistences as they happen.Most of all, speak up about what you are NOT okay with.​And if you are ever afraid of doing any of the aforementioned remember this…if they are true they won’t mind, and if they mind then they don’t truly matter. The filter is there to remove whoever doesn’t need to be there. If they happen to be removed during the filtering process, they weren’t meant to be there. You’ll be glad for your filter when you see all the pain you dodged. So remember, don’t apologize for your strengths. Any man that tries to get you to do so is because he knows you are close to exposing his weaknesses.