Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Divider, Not the Uniter

OBAMA: [staring out window, talking to himself] If I attack Syria,
the Russians will delay talks on U.S. nuclear disarmament to punish me. If I
don’t attack Syria, I’ll get nailed by Rick Perry for being all chat and no
battle. If I attack Syria . . .

JOE BIDEN: [just arrived] Jay, what’s going on?

CARNEY: He’s thinking out loud about what to do, sir.

OBAMA: . . . maybe scare him enough into abdicating. If I don’t attack
Syria, the North Koreans will know I’m a wimp and launch an invasion of South
Korea. If I attack Syria . . .

BIDEN: How long has this been going on?

CARNEY: Almost four hours now.

OBAMA: . . . I’d be aiding al-Qaeda, and maybe they’d be grateful and just
attack foreign airlines with those surface-to-air missiles they got in
Benghazi. If I don’t attack Syria . . .

VALERIE JARRETT: Sir, sir, you need to make a decision.

OBAMA: . . . I won’t be stuck in the Situation Room this weekend and I can
play golf. If . . .

MICHELLE: [shaking the president] Barack! Choose!

OBAMA: All right. All right.

CHUCK HAGEL: Your orders, sir.

OBAMA: One, send a third carrier group to the Eastern Med. Declare the
waters around all three no-fly zones. That includes our aircraft.

Three, check with Assad’s military people: perhaps they were aiming the poison
gas missiles at rebel units and accidentally hit civilian neighborhoods. Offer
the services of our experts to troubleshoot their targeting systems.

Where is U.N. Ambassador Powers this morning?

JOHN KERRY: On a cruise to Bermuda, sir.

OBAMA: When she returns, instruct her to call for a special session of the
Security Council. We are going to take the lead in this crisis.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Recently Published

If you've read it, please review it on Amazon. Click on the cover.

Author Bio

Steve Grammatico was born and raised in New Haven, Connecticut, and taught language skills in a New York City alternative school for troubled Utes. When the federal government defunded the program in 1994, the Utes returned to their ancestral homeland outside Salt Lake City, and Steve launched a career as a leg shark and loan-breaker for dyslexic mobsters. He considers Paul Krugman the best political humorist writing today.

In his spare time, Steve avoids watching The View and pursues an interest in Biblical archaeology. During his last trip to the Holy Land, Steve discovered ancient scrolls suggesting that before God rested on the Seventh Day, He decided to give mankind the gift of laughter, and so He created liberals.

Asked recently to describe a heartwarming memory from his time in teaching, Steve responded,

"One day I arrived at school to find that one of our juvenile delinquents had carved into the front door the words, 'Screw you!' Five years later the wiseass was long gone but his message lived on, greeting me every day as I arrived at work. Appeals to remove the offensive admonition were ignored.

"It took a while, but I finally hit on a solution. I came in early one morning, and with my trusty box cutter added 'th' to the word 'you.'

"Next day I arrived to find the door sanded and painted, the imprecation totally erased. If only I'd known earlier what it would take to move administrators to action."