Wednesday, June 22, 2011

There's a thunderstorm above me at this moment, so maybe posting this now isn't the smartest move. In case something happens, it's been nice knowing all of you. Thanks for reading. I'll see you on the other side (of the hot place).

And yes, some of these are surely Photochopped.

What? The Easter Bunny is dead?! No! It's a lie!

Not what they meant, but it sorta works

As long as it's a booth, I don't care

Hell's broke loose in Georgie and the devil deals the cards.

Although some count it as a religious experience.

Groan

Keepin' it real for the youth, and only ten years behind instead of the usual forty

Wait, if the sign's broke, how do we know-- eh, never mind.

And bad puns

Now you're talkin'!

All the old people will go get their eyes checked tomorrow for no reason.

This isn't the worst list of demands you'll ever see (hello, J-Lo and Janet Jackson), but the diva-fication of Katy is nearly complete. From The Smoking Gun.

Don’t Stare At Katy Perry

MAY 19--As she prepares to embark next month on the U.S. leg of her 2011 world tour, Katy Perry will be carrying a 45-page concert rider that outlaws carnations, details very specific furniture requirements, and outlines a 23-point “principle driver policy” for chauffeurs in towns the 26-year-old singer visits.

According to Perry’s rider, excerpted here, the performer’s dressing room (which has to be draped in cream or soft pink) needs to be outfitted with two cream-colored egg chairs, one of which should have a footstool. It is unclear whether Perry requires original Arne Jacobsens or cheap knockoffs.

A coffee table needs to be “perspex modern style.” A pair of floor lamps should be in “French ornate style.” And the singer’s refrigerator must come with a glass door.

As for the dressing room’s flower arrangement, Perry wants “White and purple hydrangeas, pink & white roses and peonies.” If those flowers are not available, Perry will settle for a “selection of seasonal white flowers to include white orchids.” However, promoters are advised, “ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS.” That warning is, of course, underlined.

In a commendable effort to curb the environmental impact of plastic bottles, Perry’s rider notes that water dispensers must be provided in all dressing rooms and production offices, and that tour personnel will be supplied with “SIGG drinking bottles.”

When it comes to hotel provisions, Perry requires a “1 bedroom presidential suite” in a “5 star property.” And free Internet service and a complimentary breakfast must be provided to the performer and her touring party.

Chauffeurs, the rider notes (see below), are not allowed to “start a conversation w/the client”, and are similarly barred from conversing with Perry’s guests or fans. They also are directed not to stare at the backseat through the rear view mirror. Drivers should also not “ask for autographs or pictures, and especially not while driving!”

Finally, Perry’s ride should be outfitted with four water bottles (presumably in the event she forgets her Sigg).

The rider also alerts promoters that they may be required to hold back tickets for concerts so that Perry & Co. can provide the ducats to “resellers” for “distribution to the public” on the “secondary market.”

In other words, Perry reserves the right to pocket some of the proceeds from the sale of tickets--not made available at face price to her fans--scalped at inflated prices by these brokers.