What I wish I'd known about childbirth: labour and birth

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What should I know about labour and birth?

"I wish I’d known that labour with your first baby doesn’t always take hours and hours. When I started getting contractions, I called my husband and told him to stay late at work to tie up loose ends. I was in early labour and he might not be in work for the rest of the week. I then had a bath and tried to relax.

"But an hour later my waters had broken, and I nearly gave birth alone on my bathroom floor! Luckily I live only two minutes from the hospital, and my husband arrived just in time to get me there for the birth." Joanna

"Labour can be all in the back. I didn’t have tummy pains, just very bad back pains, which I wasn’t expecting." Laura

"Walk as much as you can during early labour. I walked for eight hours in the hospital. It helped keep my mind off the pain, and my midwife thought it was what helped make my birth so quick and smooth." Kesia

"Intervention often breeds more intervention. If you don’t think you need it, and the hospital can’t give you a good reason, tell them to leave you be! Question everything and don’t be rushed into decisions. Follow your instincts and trust your body. You'll know what to do when it happens." Shevi

"Labour can take a long time with your first baby. I was in slow labour for three days before Robyn finally made an appearance." Jenny

"Not all labours start and progress the way you’re told in your antenatal classes. As it was my first pregnancy, I was prepared for contractions every 10 minutes that would gradually get closer together. But there was nothing gradual about mine – they went from 10 minutes apart to three minutes apart in the space of an hour. My entire labour was under five hours!" Lindsay

"As an overweight woman, I wish I’d known that it is possible to give birth naturally with just gas and air. It would have saved me a lot of worry beforehand." Melanie

"If you need to, keep moving during labour. I squatted, knelt, walked and rocked my hips backward and forwards, and I felt much better for it." Yasmin

"I wish I’d been told I was suffering from pelvic pain, and that it was very likely I would want a caesarean. It would have saved a lot of pain, stress and worry if I’d just planned to have one in the first place, instead of making a last-minute decision." Louise

"It may not be as bad as you think. People love to tell you their horror stories, but birth can be utterly amazing. Yes, it is painful, but a woman’s body was well designed to deal with childbirth." Natalie

"I wish I'd known that I wouldn't care about my dignity. I spent ages looking for a long nightie to wear in labour so I could hide everything. But as soon as I got into hospital I really didn't care who saw what." Liz

"I wish I’d known that when you are told to push during labour, you have to push as if trying to pass the biggest jobby ever. Because babies come out the front, I was pushing down there, so no wonder it took ages.

"When I finally got the hang of how to push, my baby son came out along with the poo. My midwife didn’t bat an eyelid, and from what I’ve heard from other mums, this is totally normal. So don’t worry if it happens to you!" Fran

"I didn’t know it was possible for my waters to break in the form of a very slow leak. I thought I might be incontinent, and I nearly ended up having Max at home. Not really advisable for a VBAC!" Clare

"I wish I had known how slow it can be. I thought, 'Oh my waters have broken, so he should be here by tomorrow.' But it took another three days before my baby arrived!" Suzie

"You can have your birth ideas taken into consideration and acted upon, if you’re firm, and make it clear what you want. I was very lucky that the hospital staff at my baby’s birth were very supportive and understanding." Melanie

"I wish people had told me the gross stuff that completely embarrasses you. Bowel movements, passing gas, and peeing during childbirth are all common. I kept turning bright red and saying 'excuse me' each time I passed gas while pushing. In hindsight it's funny, but you don't expect it!" Charlotte

How will I cope with pain?

"I wish I hadn’t taken pethidine. It didn’t take the pain away, it just made me and my baby drowsy. James was very sleepy for the first three days, and trying to establish breastfeeding with a sluggish baby was a struggle." Becca

"If only I had known that pain relief makes you even more constipated than you already are after giving birth. No amount of sitting on the toilet biting your sweat-soaked nightie will make you 'go'!" Suzie

"Having a focal point to concentrate on was really helpful in my drug-free labour. I must have stared at, and breathed to, the sway of a tree branch outside my hospital window for hours. I don't know what I would have done without that branch!" Anna

"You'll drive yourself crazy considering everyone's opinions on this issue. That goes for partners, too. My husband was deathly afraid of my getting an epidural and told me, 'Women have been giving birth without drugs for years, and so can you.'

"Well, I did it twice, and I'm still here to tell the tale. If we have any more kids and I get the same line, I'm going to try my hardest to break his hand while he's holding mine and make him do without pain relief." Keira

"If you truly want a natural, drug-free childbirth, surround yourself with people (midwife, family members) who've done it. They can provide the best support, since they've experienced it themselves." Julia

"I had no idea how much giving birth to the placenta could hurt! Nobody warns you about it, but mine took 30 minutes to come away completely, by which time I'd had enough!"Maria

What should I know about caesareans?

"I wish I'd known that I could have asked to watch my baby being pulled from me when having a caesarean. I suffered terrible bouts of depression after the births of my first two children by caesarean, as I didn't see them being born.

"After talking to my consultant about this she said she would lower the curtain, and I watched my son being pulled from me. It was an incredible experience and one I will always cherish." Claire

"I was left with a lot of leftover adrenaline after my caesarean. There was such a huge build-up of emotion and excitement for nine months, and then – within a few hours – my baby was here." Amy

The best advice I was given was from a woman working in a shop. She told me "You can do it" and "When you have that baby in your arms you won't care about the birth at all". I really wish i'd believed her! I was so focussed on the birth and also so lacking in confidence in my own body and ability to cope.

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