Venting & depressed

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Summer_mom0618 wrote:

So a couple of weeks ago I did a Pap smear and came back abnormal today they did a colposcopy and the doctor talked about how it is a mild mild case of hpv in front of my fiancé which I wish she hadn’t done but she did. Anyways after we left my fiancé went off on me accused me of knowing that I had hpv... there’s no way for me to have known. I’m only 23... let alone there’s no tests for men to know but he insists he only slept with 4 women before me. Regardless he got mad at me accused me of being a liar and knowingly gave him HPV and then packed his stuff and left me. Also I was previously married and have a child with my ex who is actually being supportive in this process but I just hate this and I think my I guess ex fiancé is being crazy and it’s so *** because I’m already distraught about having hpv but also to be left over it and on top of that he accused of being a liar. F***. It’s just a lot. And honestly I’ve already been contemplating having an abortion (please no negative comments) because I did say I wasn’t going to have another child with someone I wasn’t married to or planning on marrying etc. I mentally emotionally and physically can not raise another child on my own. I know this from my first daughter. I just can’t emotionally do it, like I will more than likely commit suicide. That’s how strongly I feel about not having a child on my own. This is all sorts of messed up and idk what to think or what to do. I’m just lost. Very lost. Idk what I’m looking for, if just a space to vent or just advice. Idk. This is nothing of what I wanted to happen

I'm sorry to hear that love but please don't let anyone else make you feel terrible about this because women have no way of knowing until tests are performed and men are the actual carriers of this also! It's basically in everyone! Most women in there 20's as well as men are never even tested for this, so for him to react that way is truly sad and definitely childish. I'm sorry you have to go through this, as well hpv can be treated and there's another group on here where a lot of different women have been tested positive for it maybe you can find that group or I can find it for you and tag you in it and you can chat with other moms who have it. Depression is a real thing and I've suffered from it as well with my ex husband when I had a miscarriage and our marriage soon after fell apart. It took awhile to build myself back up and be ok but everyone has there struggles. I'll never lie and say I didn't want to die when I lost my baby and my marriage but maybe you just need to reach out to a good friend or family for support. Please don't take your own life as you stated you already have a daughter and how sad would she be if her mommy wasn't here anymore? Obviously I don't know you but you can talk/vent to me because even with my current partner we keep having our own ups and downs and it can definitely be stressful and even more so being pregnant. No one wants to be pregnant and stressed. I'm a pro choice person I feel if someone make whatever decision they choose I'd never judge or hate someone for the choice they made, I'm not living in the shoes of that person, everyone has the right to make the best decision for themselves, all I ask is that you just reach out to someone who cares and loves you but like I said above don't take your own life it's not worth it and there's so much to live for especially your daughter. I'm here for you girl!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Praying for you! As far as the HPV goes, everyone and their mom has it so you shouldn't feel badly about it at all. Secondly, men are carriers of it too! They don't get tested and have no symptoms so it's highly likely he already had it and gave it to you. His reaction is completely irrational and I'm so sorry that he's not being supportive. I hope you find the support you need from this group, your ex and family and friends. Wishing you all the best!

First, HPV is not a reflection on you. Something like 80% of the population have it and you definitely could have gotten it from your fiancé. Second, are you now split up from him or are you just having a fight? If you're going to get married and have children, you're going to need to learn how to resolve conflict. If you can't, either go to couples counseling or split up and find someone more mature. Third, I am so sorry you are feeling so stressed and depressed. If you are now single and don't want to have this child, you can have an abortion. I terminated a pregnancy at the age of 23 after my boyfriend dumped me. You would not be the first. Good luck and take care of yourself.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Men are often carriers of HPV. Him “only” sleeping with 4 women doesn’t make him not a carrier.

Regardless, you can decided what is best for you. No one can judge you for your decisions. This is your life. ❤️ I hope you find the strength and courage to get through this. I am hoping for the best for you.

wow he definitely over reacted as he himself could have given it to you without knowing. It’s not something detected often and impacts many. Sorry you have to deal with it. I found out at 24 I had it after giving birth to my daughter. Because we couldn’t tell if he has it or if I been having it or he gave it to me we just educated ourself on what it is. It has not effected me in any way. Maybe he is just scared. You guys should research together. I pray you find peace

this all happened today within a matter of hours. We went to the appointment and then he texted me after saying that I knew I had it this whole time and that he was coming to pick up all his stuff, and within the hour he did just that and then when he left he the house he texted “goodbye” which I think is immature and stupid but I can’t take this *** anymore. He thinks because he slept with 4 people (idk if that’s true as we don’t talk about ex’s) that he couldn’t have had it but there’s no way to know for sure. Regardless he thinks for some reason that I knew this whole time that I had it but I didn’t. I got a call 4 weeks ago and the nurse told me there wasn’t hpv so I didn’t think so although google said otherwise. Now the doctor told us together and I think it’s stupid for him to accuse me of this and then leave me over this instead of doing research. But he’s just immature to be honest

thank you so much. I’m hoping to get through this. I don’t know what to think or what to do but now I’m just numb and trying to figure it all out... I just wish he wasn’t this immature or to be honest uneducated and stupid

thank you. That would have been the appropriate response... not this childish ***. He just thinks that I’ve known this whole time and purposely gave him HPV as if I intentionally want my fiancé to have it or if I even want to have it. Ugh I wish he would just educate himself and stop blaming me for things. You’re lucky to have that, I’m hoping he realizes his mistakes and tries to get educated with me but he’s so stubborn that I doubt it

if that’s the case it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Whether you keep the baby or not you should be supported. This is so minor considering how much American are impacted. When we were young no one told us about this now teenage girls can get vaccinated. It’s to late for me I was 20 when I even heard about vaccines. Just relax give him time maybe there is more bothering him. Definitely y’all to him about packing up and leaving you like that. That’s a very emotional and unstable move.

he messaged his ex saying I had hpv and that’s why he left me and then asked her if she had it and then as he told her about me he was so disrespectful and degrading towards me. I’m crying and crying and I just can’t take this anymore. It just got way worse and idk I’m so lost right now

Girl he needs to do some research, maybe even have him chat with your doctor! 75 to 80% of the population have HPV! It stays dormant in your system so you will have a normal Pap one year and an abnormal one in the future… I tested positive about six months postpartum with my 15-month-old. I have been married for almost 5 years so I have no idea if I got it before marriage or after ,either way it’s something that more people to not have to deal with.

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. There is a chance the HPV will go away on its own naturally if it’s mild, it did for me. So I pray that’s your case. Maybe you’re fiancé is just overwhelmed but if he is in this for the long haul with you as in marriage soon following, he should not run away. I know it may feel overwhelming but you can do it girl! You are young but life is tough and unexpected sometimes, and sometimes we gotta go through things to strengthen us. I don’t know if you’re spiritual at all but if you pray I encourage you to pray and lean on God and a strong church community. You can do it. There is always the option to give up for adoption but I pray your fiancé becomes supportive and you guys can work it out.

Lord what and ignorant ***. It’s extremely common and for men almost completely symptom free. Some strains are troublesome for women, but the first clue anyone has is an abnormal pap. He’s an ass and as sad as the situation is you’re better off without someone who would treat you like that.

Also you need to be complaining about that doctor. That’s a huge HIPPA violation to give you news like that without first clearing with you it was ok for him to hear.

I am sorry you are so stressed. First of all, regardless of if he only slept with 4 women does he know how many men they slept with? He 1,000% could have given it to you so don't feel like this is on you! Second, if you are feeling that strongly about having a 2nd baby on your own then you definitely need to speak with someone about options or possibly counseling. I have a 16 month old now and I completely understand that they are mentally and physically draining so no judgement on my end. I will say that I know many women personally that are wanting to adopt (I belong to an infertility community as my son took 4 years and IVF). Maybe that is an option. You have to do what is best for you! Good luck!!

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