Wednesday, June 20, 2012

[Weekly Words on Women] The Strip Club

All the lights focus on the woman moving on the stage, flashing across her breasts as she swings around the pole, beckoning to the audience.

The beat of the music is generating interest and attention as her hair slides across her back, her head turning to look at the crowd again.

Is this a scene from Eile's files? Or something easily seen at any local strip club just down the road from you or me?

It's been a while, but I visited my local skin joint recently. It was busy. There was a good ratio of ladies to dudes, and a lot of money was exchanging hands. I watched for a while, enjoying the show. While I watched, several thoughts beyond flesh and flash were in my mind, and I stored them away for later discussion.

The ladies were working the crowd, mingling and paying attention over the entirety of the bar. They approached the men, moving in as the males showed interest. Chatting and smiling as they worked, the women used a variety of tactics to create allure and attraction.

The work had the desired effect, with the fellows flattering them, and letting the ladies know they were appreciated with tips and smiles. The gals were very encouraging, and did a lot towards increasing the funds sent their way.

There's a lot of media portrayal of strippers are women as "victims"; ladies totally at the mercy of some thug club owner. Whether performing on stage, offering a close look at her tattoos, giving guys a shot at motorboating, doing a lapdance or anything else, the women working were in total control. Not even a hand touched these women without their permission. They owned their bodies, using them to ultimate advantage in a situation where they were a valued commodity.

Control is what it's all about- whether in life or in games. In games (and life), the girls get the short end of control way too often, so it's nice to see at least one area where they're more in charge. Watching the strippers really gave me food for thought.

What are strippers really selling? I'm not convinced that it's sex. It seems a lot more like fantasy, and the illusion of power; but I doubt many men think about it that deeply. Most of the guys were just happy to have the option to see boobs outside of clothes.

We hear it all the time that the big factors of modern society are money, sex and power- and they're all wrapped up in the dynamics of a strip club. What makes the women the arbiters of how they get played out? What makes men choose to relinquish their power for these evenings out? How does one fuel the other? How does it work that a guy thinks he's in control while paying a lady with no top on?

But that's kind of the gist of my point. While the guys were getting "what they wanted", it was under a very altered power dynamic, and the illusion of control and power was only evident when you looked at it.

The generating source of this dynamic isn't necessarily boobs and long legs; but perhaps instead access and control. Knowing and understanding who holds these and how they're used is really what I'm after here- and hoping I can uncover.

Power works in funny ways. If people believe in the idea that power is held by those with influence, then those with influence are powerful. Power doesn't just go one direction; it flows in many directions. To give power, one has to give some up; and make a choice to do so. The choice might not be conscious or intentional, but that choice does have to be made.

I've talked about boobs and influence before, in different contexts. I have them and I like them, and have no issue using them (if needed) for influential purposes and understand how that can translate across to other ladies. I don't claim to assign motives or beliefs; just that I can see how it can work in other people's heads.

The women at the club certainly knew they kicked ass and were powerful.

Whether it's because they know that they have what the male patrons want, or if it's because they were powered by access and control, (of their bodies, of their sexuality, or of their affections) the end result is that the women had assurance in themselves and their place in the club.

Leave it to me to turn an evening of watching the strip show into a discussion about power and gender, but trust me; I'm just getting started.

10 comments:

I've never seen the point of strip clubs: men go there to spend *all* of their money, get rubbed upon for a while and leave frustrated, because anything else is illegal outside of Holland (and possibly some US states) afaik.

Saying that I've dated a dancer or two but that was probably partly because I wasn't a customer of theirs.

Sorry for not focusing more on the article, I was massively distracted by something. But is that your point now proven?

Yup, same here. I can go, spend all my money on pretty women who's pretending to like/be interested in me, get all aroused, and leave by myself...

Umm, what was the point of this outing? Ya know, its kinda crushing to think my most attractive feature is what's in my wallet. I hope that's not the case, but rather just another of the illusions that strip clubs create.

I think that illusion works both ways- I mean; the women there are being viewed as only attractive according to their bodies and not anything else they might have to offer. (and that view is awfully pervasive; so the strip club dynamic can and does put the playing field to a more even status by at least making men PAY for that view)...

Last time I went to a strip club it was with my wife and another, female, friend. I think a lot of the issues people have are partially from the perception that the places are just for lonely guys to get something to fantasize about. If we get beyond that and the huge sex hangups that this country has, the places get a lot more interesting. Love the discussion of dynamics.

Great article. I believe I understand what you are saying. It is interesting to see how men's fantasies are carried out in a club just as they are with internet porn. Unfortunately fantasy very rarely becomes reality. But to a man, "a slight chance" can mean an absolute sure fire success. You see this with fantasy relationships to real ones.

We can all choose to influence others in different ways. Whether it is strong leadership, sexual persuasion, fear, authority, etc. Women have a greater hold on us men then they realize. They just might have to use your example to unlock it.

I'm bookish, I'm going to respond with books, sorry.Two books totally changed my ideas about power. The second one's a hard read and kinda boring but I think its ideas (which you can mostly get from the intro) are useful... and hard to summarize. M Mauss: The GiftW Keane: Signs of Recognition

Both make the point that the person we see holding power - the speaker/the one who proposes action - is dependent on the lisstener to accept or deny their proposals. They say a bunch of other stuff too but of course they don't exhaust the subject. Power is really damn complicated.

I completely agree that power is complicated. I also agree- that holding and using power are very complicated and totally dependent on another person accepting that possession and use. I promise I'll talk about it some more...

Last time I went to a strip club it was with my wife and another, female, friend. I think a lot of the issues people have are partially from the perception that the places are just for lonely guys to get something to fantasize about. If we get beyond that and the huge sex hangups that this country has, the places get a lot more interesting. Love the discussion of dynamics.

“The women at the club certainly knew they kicked ass and were powerful.” – Maybe that is one way of putting it. In addition to your interpretation, women working for these joints definitely have control over their clients and the situation, as there are some clubs who provide restrictions and limitations for customers and clients. They have to know how to handle them, at the same time give the clients the best of their attention.