Here are eight Christmas cards, that you can download and print yourself, that speak the truth about Christmas.

Have you sent out your christmas cards yet? No, me either. I’m not sure that wishing anyone a ‘Merry Christmas’ is truly accurate is it? (Unless by ‘merry’ you mean drunk?). Call me a Grinch, but I know I’m not alone here. There are people who genuinely enjoy Christmas day, but they seem to fall into these three categories:

1. They are under 10 years old
2. They are high on the love of the baby Lord Jesus
3. They are Jamie Oliver

We’ve all been in category 1, and it was awesome. A little creepy believing that some old bloke is watching you sleep – but hey, if he brings you presents that’s ok, right? – Right? And although most of the ‘fun’ seems to happen before 6am, it is lovely witnessing humans in this category.

If you’re in category 2, I am really pleased for you. I am. And kind of impressed that because of your belief, some dude’s birthday two thousand years ago is still being celebrated.

And category 3? Well I’d be that happy if I could cook a Christmas lunch like that too.

Then there’s the rest of us. On Christmas day we’re usually a bit hungover. If we have kids, we’re hungover AND we’ve had a maximum of three hours sleep between drunkenly assembling an acrobatics apparatus and being woken up in the ‘morning’ by the acrobats. Which means we might be a bit cranky, maybe a bit sweary, definitely not ‘merry’.

Then there’s the difficult task of finding our place in the delicate family political structure of the cooking heirarchy. I find myself somewhere between vegetable-peeling serf and dish-clearing pleb. I dare not make any suggestions to the Lord of the Turkey.

At some point the acrobats will stage a gladiatorial fight to the death over a chocolate Santa. We must be ready to catch any stray chocolate limbs before they destroy the ‘good’ couch. Being polite, discussing the potatoes, trying not to ruin Christmas. It’s exhausting!

Boxing Day is much the same, still with a hangover but now with added meat sweats. We catch up the relatives that didn’t make the cut on Christmas Day – and enjoy some quality time sitting in traffic. Before long we’re yearning for the sweet release of The Day After Boxing Day. A day where we can sit in our pyjamas, in our own home, eat a whole tin of Quality Street and not have to be polite to ANYONE.

The true joys of the festive season are food, booze and The Day After Boxing Day. Here are eight Christmas cards, that you can download and print yourself, that might speak a little more truth than the rest.

You can print it on a regular ink jet or colour laser printer. Each PDF has two cards of the same design on an A4 sheet.

After you have printed your design, cut the A4 sheet in half then fold your two cards.

The cards fold down to A6 (postcard) size to fit in a regular envelope.

Styling & photography: Emma Scott-Child

Thanks to Margherita for the use of her shelves & angel Gabriel (which will come as a surprise to her because she doesn’t know that I snuck into her house yesterday and took these photos. I couldn’t resist! She has nice shelves!)