Dr Lasermed is a grumpy gynecologist who comments about her practice, the state of medicine, women's health care and her triplet children.

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These are the thoughts of a cantankerous ol' gynecologist who remembers when things were a little different. I try to find a little humor in my life and the people I meet along the way. Come meet the characters in my world.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Pain Scale – Who made it up?

Ten is supposed to be the worst pain ever!

Sometime in the last few years, there appeared a new “vital sign”.It’s called the pain scale.We can’t measure this one with a thermometer or a sphygmomanometer.This one is much more subjective.In other words, we ask you to grade it yourself.You will get asked “on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being no pain and 10 being the worst pain you can imagine, how much pain are you having now?”At least that’s the plan.

I love to have people sitting quietly across my desk saying “8” or “9”.Remember “10” is supposed to be the worst pain ever.Like if you just got run over a truck, or stabbed 50 times, or….You get the idea.My doctor friends who have had kidney stones give them an “8”.

If you are fully conscious and well aware of your environment, it’s not a ten.If you’re not crying or screaming, it’s not a nine.If you can still breathe calmly, answer questions and remember your birthday and social security number, it’s not even an 8.

Remember that the top number is 10.Anyone that has a number greater than ten has obviously not listened to the question.We hear “11” or “12” fairly frequently.We also hear “20” and “30”, and occasionally “100”.You don’t get any more credit for numbers over ten.Really.Except that the medical people taking care of you think you are stupid.

You won’t get seen faster in the emergency room or the doctor’s office.You won’t get any more pain medication.In fact, you will probably get less pain medication, or none at all.Those of us that do this for a living think that you are looking for pain medication, not really in pain if you say your pain is a “15”, but you can’t stop texting or talking on your phone.Really.

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The band my kids march in

Characters

I'm Dr. Lasermed. I'm a Gynecologist (that's a doctor that takes care of women and women's problems). I've been in private practice for over a quarter of a century.Mr. Lasermed - a paramedic in his former life, married me without fully realizing how crazy it is to have a physician for a spouseThe Lasermed children (triplet boys):Mr. Impatient - sweet, lovable and impatient. Autistic and very bright. He loves sports (all kinds). He is also very routine oriented.Three Speed- originally two speed - slow and stop. However, has ADD, so third speed is "....look, there's a bunny". Very bright when we can get him to focus. Plays trumpet.Tall Guy- First one to be taller than Mom - calls me "short woman" - probably the smartest of the three - definitely the most sarcastic. Plays the baritone (and alto) saxophone.Princess – my faithful and kind receptionist who puts up with me when I’m cranky and puts up with my patients who are crazy. She has two wonderful boys and a boyfriend and Mom who may or may not appear in the blog.Yearbook Gal – Tall Guy’s girlfriend and photographer for the yearbook.Computer Geek - formerly had a name, now changed at his request because he wanted a nickname, too. He helps me out when I get stuck with the computer issues.

About Me

I am a Gynecologist (a doctor who cares for women and women's problems). I went to medical school in the south, residency in the frozen north (with a small side trip to Canada), then moved to a "medically underserved area" I have endured riots, hurricaines, tornados, floods and triplets.
My triplet boys are about finished with high school. Two of them are in the marching band. See the photo. I am very proud of them.
I also write as Dr. Maryellen Smith on associatedcontent.com Follow me on twitter @ lasermed1
I appreciate feedback.

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I would like to state for the record that any and all mistakes are those of the blogger. I am in my mid-50s. When I was first introduced to computers, I actually punched cards. I never figured out how to write in all those funny languages. I have recently tried to post pictures with my articles. Nope. I forget to put tags on posts. Sorry. Be patient with me. I will eventually get it. I am trainable.

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Disclaimer

*****This blog is not intended to give medical advice. You should always check with your doctor. Note I did not say "provider". You should read the blog to see why.

Any resemblance of characters to people you think you might know, living or dead, is totally coincidental. Really. Unless I asked them if I could use the story. Even then, details have been changed to protect somebody.

I can't ask about places. Soooooo..... Any resemblance of places to someplace you think you know is absolutely coincidental.