Yes, I would want to know. It would bother me to not know mostly because at the very least she knows (if not other people in the social circle) and I don’t think it would be right that me, as his wife, is left out of that loop.

Yes, but that’s just how we are. He wanted to know and I already knew everything there was to know before we started dating. I don’t think it’s a right to know, though. I think that’s very dependent on the couple.

I didn’t vote, because I’m kind of indifferent. I’d be fine with either knowing or not knowing. I wouldn’t want the secret deliberately kept from me, so if it somehow came up, I’d expect him to be honest, but it’s not my policy to have my partner tell me every detail of his past relationships. I don’t even know his number, though I know it’s not that high. I’d find it very awkward if he went out of his way to let me know about something like this.

@mrsSonthebeach:I wouldn’t want the secret deliberatly kept from me, so if it somehow came up, I’d expect him to be honest, but it’s not my policy to have my partner tell me every detail of his past relationships.

THIS.

ETA: I’m way too jealous to know every detail of his past. If it was before me, then I don’t care. As long as they are still not hooking up!!

I said yes, because, well, that would mean they COULDN’T still hang around and be friends with us. Fi’s rule, not mine (originally, at least). When he and I got together, he couldn’t BELIEVE there was such a thing as being friends with an ex. He had never, ever dated someone who still kept up a friendship with someone they’d slept with, and was aghast that I thought this was perfectly normal. In the end, he convinced me that yeah, it’s odd to be in social situations with someone who knows about that sound you make when you … you get my drift. So if someone was a friend of ours and he hadn’t told me that he’d slept with her, that would be a big no-no on his part! And of course the same rule would apply to me.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we need to spill every sordid detail of our sexual pasts. Unless said person is still around, it’s not his/my business!

Yes. I think it would make my husband look like a fool if he was the only person who didn’t know that I have a sexual history with a few of my/our friends. He really doesn’t care and has since made friends with a few of them and it’s not awkward for us at all, but I’d have hated for him to really like one of my friends and have that spoiled, so to speak, by finding out later that he’d been kept in the dark. I think it’s just the polite thing to do.

I would want to know, but no details! A – this person- has seen me naked is enough.

The Olny reason I would want to know is for a health check. Fi’s ex is a sleazy weasel. So is mine. I also found out that they both a. Cheated on us respectively, and b. lied about how many before us. Thinking that they were our firsts and olnys at the time puts us at risk for not getting checked out.

I voted No, Ignorance is Bliss … but it’s more like, I don’t know, I’m not going to bring it up because I highly doubt it, but I would be livid if I were to find out about it and would want to have been told. Kind of wishy washy on my part…

When Fiance got together I definately wanted to know. I posted this on another thread that we did have an incident with a girl my Fiance had hooked up with right before me. This girl was really rude to me and I couldn’t figure out what I had done. Eventually the whole thing came out, and it turns out I was the only one out a big group of people that didn’t know. It made me feel really stupid, like my Fiance didn’t value my feelings enough to tell me the truth.

I don’t think it is necesary to know all the details, but a heads up that there was a past is considerate when you still see the people. Darling Husband and I have been together so long now it really isn’t a big deal at all, anybody in the past happened so long ago it reall doesn’t matter.

ETA: Darling Husband was the type who wanted to know as well in the begining. So we did talk about it, but if both people don’t want to know then they should do whatever is right for them.

Normally my philosophy is that whatever and whoever I did before our relationship doesn’t really affect ours. I think this is an exception though just because I don’t like the idea of being the only person that doesn’t know something. Like if we are out with a group and everyone knows they had a past except me, I think that’s kind of wrong.

Erm… It would depend. If I found out in the early, wee days of the relationship: Cool! I can get by with that. If it was kept from me for a long time, and I found out somehow, I’d be a little annoyed. Why couldn’t it have been kept status quo? Why tell me after all that time? Then I wouldn’t be able to look at them in the same room for a while, whereas if I knew from the beginning, it wouldn’t be as weird.