Things The Baby Books Don’t Tell You.

If you believe all the literature, the depictions in the media and tales from friends. , pregnancy is a magical time, where women glow and blossom.

This is a LIE.

The only thing glowing about me is my spots. I’ve not had breakouts like this since I was a teenager.

Tell a lie. I also glow because I sweat like a racehorse whenever I make any effort to move.

Morning sickness is terribly named. I’ve been throwing up and nauseous all day so far.

My nipples feel like they are dropping off. My husband questioned how bad it could really be, so I offered to put bulldog clips on his to see if that was painful.

As your uterus grows, the ligaments holding it in place start to stretch. THIS HURTS. Sneezing feels like being disembowelled with a rusty spoon. Move in the wrong way, and I end up swearing like a navvy.

To protect your baby from infections travelling into the uterus via the cervix, your produce something called leukorrhea. LOTS of leukorrhea. It feels about as pleasant as it sounds. Apparently, it will only get worse as I get further along. Joy.

Oh my god, the itching.

I never know what smells are going to make me puke. Which makes going out a wonderful guessing game.

If I ever see another Ginger Biscuit in my life it will be too soon. Feel sick? You’ll be told to eat a ginger biscuit. I’ve thrown up so many ginger biscuits recently the thought of eating one bring me out in a cold sweat.

Pregnancy has a wonderful effect on IBS.

Look, don’t get me wrong, this pregnancy was planned, and is entirely wanted, but it’s amazing how many first time mothers (myself included) get one hell of a shock when we fall pregnant. It would be nice if there was more truthful information out there so we don’t go running to the internet every time something weird/gross happens, only to find out it’s perfectly normal. But nothing tells you that feeling like death warmed up is normal, especially the in the first trimester.

I had an early scan a few weeks ago after a slight scare, so this is my little jellybean at 9 weeks +4. Healthy, moving and causing me hell. I have my next scan next week when I’ll be 13 weeks.

I don’t have a bump yet, but once I do, I am totally getting this

Anyway, I promise that I will now go back to posting nonbaby related stuff.