Nancy Pelosi Rips Off Bush's Dog Barney's Head

"Well he shouldn't have gnarled at me" - Nancy Pelosi, 13th day on the job explained after the president's dog Barney got loose during a Congressional hearing and tinkled on her pumps.

Now headless (and lifeless as well), Barney Bush is lying in state in a dog biscuit shaped puppy coffin not unlike the coffin of former president Gerald Ford which may end hopefully tomorrow.

President Bush, sources say is in good spirits after the loss of his canine companion telling reporters,

"He was a good dog, a noble dog, we will miss him. Is that hang'n noose ready yet Condi?"

When informed that he could not legally shoot then hang the Speaker of the House for killing his dog Bush reluctantly put down the revolver and told Dick Cheney that there'd "be no kill'n today."

Pelosi in retrospect says that she's sorry for ripping Barney's head off but insists that the dog was getting belligerent .. during a full session of Congress .. over which SHE was presiding. Witnesses at the scene describe it as Texas Chainsaw-like blood and gore-wise. Ted Kennedy said,

I SAW that Daniel Pearl beheading on YouTube. Several times in fact. It doesn't come close to what Speaker Pelosi did to that dog up there on the podium. I was so disgusted by the act I almost stopped filming it with my cell phone cam, copies available upon request."

Services for the late Barney Bush will be held next Saturday at the president's Ranch underneath that old Oak tree where on warm Summer days the president and Barney would wile away the hours conjuring up invasion plans and wmd plans and stay the course plans and ..

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