The modern sexual massage parlor was born in the bathhouses of Roman Londonium, as skilled prostitutes of both genders offered their clients happy endings in private corners.

In 18th century England, there was an entire subset of pornographic literature dedicated to sexually frustrated women who found relief with hard-working and humble eunchs.

The Victorian age was also the “Golden Age of Prostitution” with over 500,000 prostitutes working the streets in the 1850’s, inspiring social problem novels, legislation attempting to stem the spread of STIs, and wealthy men and women “slumming” in the grimy East End.

During WWI, the London gay scene developed its own language, ‘Polari.’ A sampling from the dictionary: “there’s a sharping omi” means “a policeman is coming to the bar.”

Biddy: Someone who hooks up with multiple members of a certain social group. Often used in a pejorative and problematic manner.

Flitzing: Though not as common anymore (‘15s, sorry, you missed the old blitz. It was awesome), this is a flirtatious blitz.

Formal/Semi Date: An invitation to a semi formal often is sent out with the perceived expectation that the dates will hook up later, but should not be used as a way to pressure your date. No worries, some people actually take their friends or choose not to hook up with their dates on a creepy bus ride/dance floor.

Hook-Up: This varies! It can mean sex, just making out, or anywhere in between. Anonymous responses from the Sexperts dating survey ranged from “makin’ out” to “EITHER just making out and maybe low key foreplay OR having full on sex” to “sex.”

Hook-Up Buddy: Also known as friends with benefits. You can have one, two, or really, it’s however many you want (or can get). Certain phrases some have used to elicit this type of relationship are: “Study break? My room?” or “Want to watch a movie tonight?”

Pong Date: As The D described in 2008, Pong is “the ultimate driving force on campus” (Gundling, “Point: Pong as a Legitimate Date”). This is a planned date between two people, usually initiated by a “flitz” (see above), and can sometimes lead to a “hook-up buddy,” though this chain of events exists to a greater degree in Dartmouth mythology than reality.

Off Campus Meal: It’s not too far to assume that a flitz suggesting an off campus meal is an invitation for a date. As in “Leslie was disappointed when Kelly brought her best friend along to Canoe Club for their off campus meal.”

Sketch/Sketchy: Any individual or action that makes others uncomfortable. Often used to describe alums that come back on big weekends, but any especially creepy person. You know, the one trying to make out with you when you just met him/her 35 seconds ago.

Having run a table showcasing sex toys at Vulvapulooza after the Vagina Monologues, I have been able to predict standard reactions: awkward stares from about ten feet away (come on, you’re at an event called Vulvapulooza), “what is this?”, and “where can I get this?” I wanted to answer all these responses once and for all, here, in the Hump-Day Gazette.

First, the awkward stares. I’m a pretty unintimidating person – I was elected most likely to work as a Disney character in high school. While I am slightly embarrassed by my lack of scariness, it is nice to know that people were put off by the sex toys, and not my face. So, to answer all of you who did not want to approach the table, despite the sideways peeks: yes, people use sex toys at Dartmouth. No, they are not all as unnervingly realistic as the vagina mold. However, they do exist, and students do use them. And, I promise, they’re worth taking a further look at. Even if you don’t want one right now, it’s nice to be informed.

Second, “what is this?” Some sex toys – like the life-like vagina or dildo – are pretty self-explanatory. Others – such as the Ben Wa balls, which look like metal marbles and are used for vaginal or anal pleasure and Kegel exercises – are less obvious. In a nutshell, sex toys are to make you feel good. That means, if you want to use your vibrating “back massager” to actually massage your back, feel free. If you want it to vibrate elsewhere, continue to have fun – just make sure it was created by a company that lists its ingredients.

Finally, “Where can I get this?” There are some great websites, such as http://www.smittenkittenonline.com/ (special focus on environmentally-friendly and safe toys) and http://www.babeland. com (well organized, with lots of lists to help you shop). Shipping can be discreet, so you don’t have to deal with judgment at your Hinman Box. If you want to take a more hands-on approach, head on over to Un Dun in West Leb, which stocks a wide variety of sex toys and other erotic material. The toys are in the back, behind an extensive smoke shop, and you’ll need an ID to prove you’re over 18, so don’t forget your drivers license! And next time you see some Sexpert running a table full of sex toys, come by and give your own two cents.