Insecurity Versus Paranoia

The word insecure comes up a lot in dating and relationships. It's something thrown around when someone makes decisions that insult their self worth or stays with someone who insults their self worth. It's thrown around when someone doubts their worthiness to be with someone and many, many other times. But what's the difference between being insecure and being a paranoid person?

Being insecure is when you value yourself LESS than you would like to be valued and so you make decisions and behave in ways that you believe will help you feel more valuable. This is obviously not the technical definition, but it's the most accurate one. When a guy or girl sleeps with a lot of people thinking it makes him cool that is insecure. The guy might think he will respect himself more and think of himself as more intrinsically valuable if he does it and for a short time he will but then he will be stuck with himself and what he really thinks about himself. A girl might think she will feel better about herself after being desired in the moment but afterwards will still be left with what she thinks of herself. Similarly, insecure people crave the value they feel they get out of being in a relationship. They need the world to know it and it matters that they are in relationships with people that society values. This is insecurity as it relates to dating and relationships.

Now, being paranoid or in other words finding it very difficult to trust other people is also labeled insecurity, but it's important to distinguish it since the fix is not the same. The insecure person needs to learn to value themselves and not waste so much time valuing others and society. A paranoid person needs to learn that most people are their friends or are open to becoming such relatively easily. The majority of people don't have a chip on their shoulder unless the country is going through some sort of strife that is making the majority of people unhappy.

When you're paranoid, you find yourself doubting your partners. You find yourself possibly performing poorly in bed. This is because you don't trust that they are good people and therefore that having sex with them is a safe thing to do. This actually is very common among girls when hooking up and more and more common among men who have spent time learning to care for the girl before they first have sex. Your trust antenna flares and you're not sure about the person. In relationships, a paranoid person needs constant reassurance and looks at any thoughtless rude comment as proof to run away from the person. If you're paranoid, you may want to explore where you learned that people couldn't be trusted, take more time before getting serious with someone, and maybe even get professional help if you feel its out of your control to trust people more.

But what's not going to help is you valuing yourself more. You value yourself just fine its other people you don't value since you find them so abhorrent and undeserving of your trust. Trying to boost your self esteem ad infinitum isn't going to help you in fact it will probably make you even more self consumed and arrogant. If anything, learn to value yourself less and value others more. They too are capable of being great.

Most Helpful Girl

Actually, no. You got this whole entire thing backwards with everything, it's startling. Paranoia and insecurity have two very different meanings and how that interact is very different than what you are explaining. Especially about girls. So please, be careful what you are saying! This is a dangerous way of placing it. And I will start by breaking down everything that you have written so far.

1. "Being insecure is when you value yourself LESS than you would like to be valued and so you make decisions and behave in ways that you believe will help you feel more valuable." You have to be extremely careful with this because that is not always the case. There are people who do value themselves highly, but WHOM they encounter and how they are treated by different people more than enough times shatters a broken and sensitive person.

2. No offense, But I really don't think you're qualified to talk about people sleeping around being insecure, since your not a virgin yourself. "They need the world to know it and it matters that they are in relationships with people that society values." A lot of people do this, but this is has nothing to do with insecurity. Far from it. Insecurity stems from the intentions of a person's heart. If their intentions are good, then they will end up with insecurities of feeling like they aren't good enough for anything. Some people are genetically wired to help other people. Being selfish because one has baggage is not the way of healing and overcoming it. But by meeting likeminded people who share's those values and you work together as a team.

3. Paranoia has to do with believing in things that aren't actually there. And sadly, there are a lot of things that isn't paranoia. And one thing I can safely say growing up that I had to learn the hard way. Not everybody is your friend. And not everybody wants to be your friend. Neither can you beg anybody to do so if they don't want to and sincerely desire that.

4. "When you're paranoid, you find yourself doubting your partners." Again, be cautious of what you are saying. People hold different values and may girls especially get hurt. So you saying all of this: "In relationships, a paranoid person needs constant reassurance and looks at any thoughtless rude comment as proof to run away from the person." Is etiquette. You're judging a person who holds different standards and values how they want to be treated. This is not paranoia. This is a person who doesn't trust where the

... relationship is going. And most times if not, it is often proven true. What your describing is a person who is intuitive and sense things that aren't correct with that person and their intentions for the relationship. And it sadly get's thrown around as if it's paranoia. While I do give you the benefit of the doubt with this, sadly I have to say that this myTake is going to spark a huge debate later and you pushing the wrong buttons and hitting a nerve.

People with bad intentions creates insecurity in others. Paranoia, however, is a mental disease.

I'm not paranoid. I simply have to be around someone for a period of time, share experiences which results in comfort. For me, trust happens slowly. I don't think anyone is out to get me nor am I insecure. I never compare. Great point! Ty 4 an interesting post.