My[38m] wife [24f] of 3 years, took my daughter[14f] to visit her parents in Russia. Wife doesn’t want to come back

Like above. Sorry for ranting and any grammar errors I’ve been sitting in an airport for over almost 9 hours and making a lot of calls and had a bit to drink. Also this is a throwaway so I don’t completely dox myself.

My wife went to visit her parents who live in a small suburb outside of St. Petersburg, Russia.

My wife herself was born there, and came to the US when she was around 18 years old - when we first met. (This is NOT a mail order bride scenario or anything of the sort). I was finishing my up my post-grad, she was starting her undergrad - one thing lead to another and here we are.

As she was a student when we first met, she did not anticipate meeting me and us getting so deeply involved - so she never planned on staying in the US. It just kind of happened that way. (She entered on a F1 visa then a k1 visa now she has a green card).

Understandably, she misses her family a lot, though for the most part we’ve been extremely happy together, minus the standard few squabbles here and there.

3 years ago we had two wedding ceremonies, one in the US with my family and one in Russia with her family and a mix of my immediate family.

Until last week she hadn’t seen her family since the wedding due to her finishing up school and helping out my daughter, as I have custody.

As school wrapped up for her, and as a graduation gift, we decided it’d be a good idea for her to go visit her family for a week. She wanted to bring my daughter with her - I initially was opposed to this - but I caved and let her bring her(my daughter wanted to go)

Through her trip she hasn’t been too much in contact with me aside the occasional message on WhatsApp and photos etc. which is understandable - she’s on vacation and I don’t expect constant alerts, but I would have liked a little more of an update. My daughter has been texting me almost daily and showing me photos as well.

Yesterday morning I had texted my wife that I’d be there to pick them at the airport at the time she had told me the flight arrived. She read the message but never answered. I told my daughter the same and she never responded. I assumed they were just busy and left it at that.

I had a hellish day at work so I went right to bed so I could be up early to go get them.
I wake up today stupidly without checking my app and go to the airport, the arrival time comes and I look at my phone to message them. I see about 60 messages from my daughter panicking starting nearly 15 hours ago saying that she missed her flight and doesn’t know how to get home. Confused as shit - she tells me my wife basically told her how to get home and then dropped her off at the airport.

Panicked I reach out to her and blow up her whatsapp. She finally answers and sends a long 3 paragraph essay on how she has missed her family so much she doesn’t want to leave them and she wants to stay longer.

Pissed off that she waited to tell me this, she left my daughter alone at an airport in another country, that I took off work to come today to get her, and how this is so last minute - I go off on her through text. She tells me off and stops answering me.

I reach out to her mom through WhatsApp (who doesn’t speak English at all) and using google translate ascertain that she wants to stay for another month for her brothers birthday party. Her mom said she didn’t know this was going on and went to the airport to go help my daughter get back safely.

Panicked I go to reach out the US consulate in Saint Petersburg only to find online it was shut down in March and the nearest is in Moscow. I reach out to the Moscow one and luckily get almost an immediate response and they were a HUGE help in getting my daughter on her correct flights. Even having someone meet her on the connecting airport to help her to the right terminal safely.

My wife still hasn’t answered me since our blow out. And her mom said she hasn’t seen or heard from her since this morning.

What the hell am I supposed to even do with this? The lack of responsibility and carelessness she showed is astronomical to me.

As a parent, I'm not sure how I would start a dialogue with someone who dropped my child off at an airport in a country where they don't speak the language resulting in them missing their flight. I would be seeing red. Thank God OP and daughter managed to get help through the consulate.

Aa parent, I'm not sure how I would start a dialogue with someone who dropped my child off at an airport in a country where they don't speak the language resulting in them missing their flight. I would be seeing red. Thank God OP and daughter managed to get help through the consulate.

Aa parent, I'm not sure how I would start a dialogue with someone who dropped my child off at an airport in a country where they don't speak the language resting in them missing their flight. I would be seeing red. Thank God OP and daughter managed to get help through the conaulate.

The wife is 24 and clearly has no emotional attachment to this child or to being a stepmom. Doing what she did is basically something a shitty older sister(I’m stretching that idea, I know) would do. Not a parent.

OP’s wife is 24 years old and immature as fuck.

Source: been a stepdad to three boys for 9 years and couldn’t fucking IMAGINE doing this shit in any of the time I’ve been with them.

Edit: also y’all, don’t forget, the adult in the situation purposefully made the 14 year old miss the flight and then dropped her off with nothing but “figure it out.” That’s fucking mean. The daughter had flight info that she knew about and all that had to change.

Not to mention, You miss your flight and you have to rebook and deal with alllll sorts of shit and she didn’t pay for the tickets meaning she doesn’t have the card they were purchased with.

This was an exceptionally fucking shitty and downright mean thing to do to your child, stepchild or anyone.

OP’s wife is only 24 years old and immature as fuck.

Edit: also y’all, don’t forget, the adult in the situation purposefully made the 14 year old miss the flight and then dropped her off with nothing but “figure it out.” That’s fucking mean. She had flight info that she knew about. You miss your flight and have to rebook you have to deal with alllll sorts of shit and she didn’t pay for the tickets. This was an exceptionally fucking shitty and downright mean thing to do to your child, stepchild or anyone.

The wife is 24 and clearly has no emotional attachment to this child or to being a stepmom. Doing what she did is basically something a shitty older sister would do. Not a parent.

The wife is 24 and clearly has no emotional attachment to this child or to being a stepmom. Doing what she did is basically something a shitty older sister would do. Not a parent. OP’s wife is 24 years old and immature as fuck.

That’s not what an annulment is. An annulment means the marriage wasn’t valid to begin with. Like perhaps if someone was intoxicated when they got married or they got married under duress. An annulment usually requires that there be some reason the marriage wasn’t valid back when the marriage actually occurred. Something she did years after the fact doesn’t make the marriage invalid.

Exactly ! That said it’s pretty good ground for a quick divorce ! She probably won’t comeback for the divorce either so it should be pretty easy.

I mean clearly by doing that she knew she was breaking up with him like not talking to him and all the sudden telling him she won’t be coming back yet and leaving his child at the airport, not on the flight but at the airport ... it’s so immature and irresponsible i wonder why a 38 yo man would date a 24yo EVER ! And how he didn’t realise that she clearly wasn’t mature enough to take care of a child.

I'm 24 soon and my brother's 14. God I can't imagine doing this. Especially as I've lived in a foreign country for a while and understand how difficult it can be if you don't speak a lick of the language.

Not to mention it’s in Russia, if you are an English speaker in Mexico for example you can probably fumble your way around based on finding the similar sounding words on signs, but if you don’t know Russian... you don’t know Russian

I was mid-twenties and my passport and wallet disappeared in Mexico and my older sister sent her teenaged son off with her husband (kid's stepdad) and our parents (our mom, my dad, her stepdad) and ditched work to bank roll me while I was stranded in a foreign country with no proof of citizenship. Or money. We got drunk all weekend until the consular office opened.

We stayed an extra five days in Mexico getting trashed and laughing through the fact that I was stranded and until Monday morning rolled around and the consular office opened we had no idea how I'd get home. Whoo hoo!

Funny this is my exact same same situation. My 15 yo sis is coming this summer to visit me in a big city. I’ve worked so hard with my family to allow her to visit that if I EVER let her out my sight, the trust we built would be gone in an instant. And I would have to imagine that there’s little trust OP has with wife at this point.

Woah I missed that. Yep, she was 18 when they met, he was 32, with a 8y.o. kid from a prior relationship. They married at her 21, his 35 and his child's 11.

I would be far more judgemental if she was the mother, or of a similar age to OP. Dont get me wrong, it's still horrible what she did. I'm sure OP is quite upset, his daughter is an innocent child and shouldn't treated that way.

At least for your years and then free range! /s

I bet there is a friend, even part of his brain saying 'I told you so, don't get serious with 18 year olds.'

Hopefully it's a nice easy divorce, his wife has her green card, OP can move on, date women a similar age to him, and the next time he sleeps with a much younger woman and he penis whispers to him "it's love, marry her" he gives him a hard boop on the head and doesn't listen.

The part that gets me is why did she take the daughter to Russia in the first place? Sounds like she wasn't going without her, then she abandoned her in an airport. Really boggles my mind. Maybe the parents have an involvement in this. Haven't heard from her since the morning? please.

About the first part when you calculated the ages: this is just so strange to me??? I’m 18, my siblings are 9, we have a 9 year age gap. An extra year, and that’s the same age gap between OP’s wife and OP’s daughter.

So basically, OP’s wife, to OP’s daughter, is acting like some kind of mean, entitled, older sister; immature ????

Last I checked, people in their 20’s are adults too.
I’m 22, we’re not some self-absorbed idiots that don’t care about the well-being of others. I mean some people are, but that has more to do with who they are as people rather than their age.

OP’s wife was just a cunt- and I never use that word. I can’t imagine doing that to somebody. How scary for OP’s daughter.

I agree. I'm 38 and open to date women of any age, I have found that dating younger or older brings the same problem most of the time: immaturity. At least if I date someone younger I can accept it, but I'm less forgiving when it's someone older.

The OP was a 32 year old dating an 18 year old. That's very icky territory.

Everyone sucks here. But you honestly dont expect red flags to be raise if an 18 year old got together with a 32 year old that have an 8 year old daughter? And that's not even accounting for the massive cultural differences.

yeah this is just weird. Sure, it's perfectly "legal" but doesn't mean it's still not creepy. I'd like to think that most 32 year olds are rational enough to see an 18 year old as a child and not within their dating range, let alone MARRIAGE range.

Similarly aged couples under 25 getting married is fine. A 35 year old marrying a 21 year old is just silly. @ 35 he should know better but he wanted a young hot piece of ass and she wanted a green card.

I’m 21, work full time driving semitrucks. Saving for my own place, but still currently living with my parents (Toronto cost of living sucks nuts). I’ve set myself up & continue to develop my foundation for a fun and comfortable life. I’ve also personally gone through something’s in life that have expedited the development of my maturity. That being said I would love nothing more right now than to find the right woman and start a family life, but finding someone my age with the same mindset is frustratingly difficult. While I don’t disagree with your statement, I also don’t 100% agree with it either. We see higher quantity of immature young adults because they lack exposure to life and it’s different experiences. But there are still people of all ages on both sides of the maturity/immaturity spectrum.

I’m 21, work full time driving semitrucks. Saving for my own place, but still currently living with my parents (Toronto cost of living sucks nuts). I’ve set myself up & continue to develop my foundation for a fun and comfortable life. I’ve also personally gone through something’s in life that have expedited the development of my maturity. That being said I would love nothing more right now than to find the right woman and start a family life, but finding someone my age with the same mindset is frustratingly difficult. While I don’t disagree with your statement, I also don’t 100% agree with it either. We see higher quantity of immature young adults because they lack exposure to life and it’s different experiences. But there are still people of all ages on both sides of the maturity/immaturity.

Emotional attachment or no (and btw there was apparently enough attachment to bring the child to Russia in the first place so I feel your argument is moot to start) she’s an adult who knows full well what she did was nothing short of atrocious and selfish. There’s no excuse

On the other hand I had a friend who was with a guy who was horribly emotionally abusive and she couldn't go anywhere without taking one of his children with her. And they had to 'report back to dad' once they returned. Where did they go, who did she talk to, etc. He took her across country to get her away from friends/family.

I don't see any need for emotional attachment to bring the child to Russia in the first place. Bringing the kid to Russia with her just let's the dad think his wife will be returning to the US, that it's a temporary trip, not a return.

Edited egregious autocorrect typo

I don't see any need for emotional attachment to bring the child to Russia in the guest place. Bringing the kid to Russia with her just let's the dad think his wife will be returning to the US, that it's a temporary trip, not a return.

I'm 25, so quite close in age to the wife, and I can tell you that while there are certainly plenty of immature and irresponsible people in that age bracket, she has no real excuse - we are absolutely old enough to know better. She's a heartless, brainless, shitty, sad human being, and she should be kicked to the curb immediately. Fuck her.

Even if this wasn’t my child or step child, if I saw a 14 year old girl lost in an airport in a country she is clearly unfamiliar with I would stay with her and make sure she got a new flight and made it onto that flight safely. What this woman did was disgusting.

AMEN!! What kind of immature childish asshat does this to any kid let alone their step daughter?? Sorry. There is no conversation to be done. I have kids and if my SO pulled this crap I’d be sending divorce papers and mailing their crap to Russia withOUT love. Ciao asshat.

As much as my younger sister and I do not get along, and as much of a shithead deadbeat she is (long story for another time), I couldn’t fucking IMAGINE leaving her in an airport alone in a country where she didn’t know the language. This is more than an awful older sister. That’s just a downright awful person.

And I’m 25, about the same age as OPs wife. She’s not just immature.

OP, I would re-evaluate your relationship. I’m ALWAYS someone who tries to work things out with people and suggest others do the same, but now it’s coming down to your daughter. And if someone did that to MY daughter, I honestly don’t think I could talk to them again. If and when she gets back, I highly recommend counseling if you decide to continue with this marriage.

I’m not usually on the DIVORCE!!!!!!!!! bandwagon, but I honestly don’t see how there’s any coming back from abandoning (read: endangering) OPs prime age for human trafficking daughter in at an airport in a foreign country well known for human trafficking where daughter doesn’t speak the language. Even if wife didn’t want to come home, she had so many other options to ensure the daughters safety. Did the girl have any money for food? And then cutting off contact like a petulant child while OP is freaking out about the welfare of his actual child? I just honestly can’t fathom how the relationship survives this type of betrayal.

Or...maybe the husband is abusive, the wife used the vacation as a way to escape and thought she was saving the daughter from protential abuse as well. It's possible she reconsidered the legal ramifications of keeping the daughter so she sent her back. The daughter may be oblivious to any of this.

Or she decided she doesn't want to be married to someone 14 years older than her, living in a foreign country without her family, and a stepmother at the age of 24.... No need to jump to conclusions here

As someone who's traveled in Russia and has a Russian step mom, Russian airports are shoddy at best. You're not going to get much help with escorts and such unless you do it through the airline. Nothing against the people. The government and infrastructure is what's damaged and lacking.

Edit: You don't get access to gates anymore. An airport official will accompany a minor. Maybe if it's a baby or very small child, but since 9/11 that's been almost completely nixed.

Yes, you’re right. However, it’s three years of being a permanent resident that you can apply for citizenship. She was not granted CPR/LPR status immediately after they got married. Even though she transferred from F1 (student) to a K1 (fiancée) visa prior to obtaining her green card and didn’t have to remove conditions after two years of the adjustment being granted, her N400 is likely still pending.

Yes, they must still be married after three years for her to apply at that time instead of waiting the statutory five years if they’re not married.

If her N400 is still pending, OP has every right to file for an absentia divorce, and then file that with USCIS. Her N400 will be denied based upon a fraudulent marriage.

I’ve been working in immigration for almost fifteen years. I’ve actually seen this happen.

Yeah that's what's insane about this to me. She could have been kidnapped and all the mom did was dip. I just read about OP's situation and I'm flabbergasted, I can't imagine what his family is going through right now. Stay strong <3

Where not only does she speak the language but a competent adult would be waiting to pick her up. The US sucks with human trafficking as do a lot of places in the world, but the comparison is apples to oranges when you account for her inexperience traveling, the language barrier, and her age. OP didn’t speak to his ethnicity but if his daughter is white, that makes her less of a trafficking risk in the US and more of one in Russia.

Normally I’m not alarmist on personal safety, but girls of that age traveling unaccompanied even in Europe (much less Russia) are in jeopardy. I would be concerned with a mature fourteen year old who had traveled a bit and was prepared for the trip traveling alone in these circumstances in the US.

I knew a girl whose 14-15 year old sister got kidnapped from a movie theater in Italy (drugged and taken by a woman who followed her into the restroom during the movie), then completely disappeared for 3-4 years. She was found wandering in an airport in Indonesia, addicted to heroin with very few memories of her missing time. The best they could piece together is that she had been held in captivity, repeatedly raped, in an Arabic speaking country and was probably dropped off of a private jet when she got “too old.” Yes, these things are rare, but they do happen. It’s not crazy to be concerned.

Excuse me but what in the sweet fuckery nightmare fuel did I just read......I have no words. That's horrific. How did you know this girl? How is she now? I hope she is okay, safe, and has found solace..

The profile for human traffic victims who go through Russia or end up in Russia is not American tourists - or tourists from most places. There are so many other risks here but this is not one that should be top of the list.

That's because most girls her age are traveling with an adult. Her risk became infinitely higher the moment she was left without adult supervision. The scumbags who take these girls are trained to spot an unaccompanied minor.

That's immediately what went through my mind and it's the most inexcusable part of this whole story. She is the target age for human trafficking. It's absolutely inexcusable for any adult to have just dropped her off at the airport. Human traffickers will camp out at airport bars and restaurants to abduct kids.

The airline would most certainly find someone to meet her on the other side of security and take her to the gate. I've been in both the St Petersburg and Moscow airports and they are not easy to navigate if you don't speak and read Russian.

Pretty much. Russia really is less of a backwater place and a lot less dangerous than people in US generally think. But leaving a 14-year old to navigate a strange airport alone is not good unless they are experienced flyer. She had a ticket so could have gone through the gates and made sure the girl got into the plane.

I haven't been to Russia in 13 or 14 years, when I went there for a month as part of a student trip, two cops with ak-47s were going to take one of my classmates off, because they wanted a bribe. He paid up, the teacher told him not to smile so much, and we went on our merry way.

It's St Petersburg, now I haven't been but I would assume that the airport staff does know English very well.

That was my thought. You're more likely to run into non-Russian speaking people in that airport than those without English. That said, getting dumped at the airport at 14 with no directions and limited flying experience has got to be very challenging.

Why would you assume they know English "very" well? It's not the native tongue. You'll be able to find people who speak English, but I've been to major airports in a number of countries, and unless English is the native tongue you'll run into a lot of people who are barely passable or just don't care.

When I was in Beijing the customs person taking care of my Visa was passable at English, but I'm not sure I would call them fluent. They were they only person at that desk.

I started reading expecting a bio mom with shared custody, who kidnapped the kid to another country. This situation was still horrible, but sounds like the kid's safely on her way home and the stepmom doesn't share custody of her.

Because honestly, I don't know how to give you advice that doesn't involve divorce. I would lose my shit if somebody abandoned my child in a foreign country. I have no idea how you come back from that or how you'd trust her again.

Your wife is 24. She is 24. She came when she was 18, got married at 21, with the intent to go back home, so of course she's homesick (just to give some perspective). However, this obviously doesn't justify her actions, and abandoning your daughter like that in a foreign country was an awful and dangerous thing to do.

I suggest making a new bank account like others have suggested (if you have a joint account), and start putting most of your income into that. Your wife may want a divorce and to stay in her home country, or she may realize she wants to go back to the US and be with you. Regardless, be prepared for what you want to do in both cases.

(You married a 21 year old when you were 35, she's in her 20s and a long ways from home, please keep that in mind. She's very young and probably making a lot of impulsive decisions because of the rush of feelings upon returning home. Best of luck to you and your daughter.)

Edit: For the people saying we shouldn't judge them because they were two consenting adults: you're not entirely wrong, but those sort of relationships hardly ever work out/are seldom healthy, and she was barely an adult. She was 18, in a foreign country, and he was 32. My SO and I have a bit of an age gap ourselves, but we are in similar levels of life experience. She was a college freshman and he was doing his post-graduate while already being a father to an 8 year old child (not that that's an issue, but it shows how far apart their lives were). She, even now, is still maturing as a 24 year old and had to spend ages 18-24 caring for someone else's child and couldn't visit home because of it.Ages aside, people shouldn't become so committed so quickly when their life plans are in two different directions. She wanted to go home, OPs life and daughter are in the US. Again, how she handled the situation was rash and selfish, and this background of course doesn't justify how she handled the child she was meant to protect in her home country.

Definitely. He was finishing grad school and she was starting undergrad? I'd bet dollars to doughnuts this started as a TA/student relationship. This dude doesn't make good choices, and now he's suffering the consequences.

When you do realize it's yourself what do you do? I've been taking some hard looks at the mirror and going to therapy but I haven't been making much progress. I tend to be a very isolated but also clingy&co-dependent person. What I've been doing is going out to make friends and talk to as many people as possible. But it's hard to tell when I should keep a conversation going (irl, or online through text/fb after I've met them) and when I should bail and move on, because we're clearly not connecting or I'm annoying them. At the end of the day I feel like a burden for almost everyone I talk to. I don't want to, and I try to show a good attitude, but that's how it feels to me.

Have you brought this up directly with your therapist? I had to come to the revelation that I needed help thinking of and listing concrete, practical steps I needed to take, because reviewing coping skills over and over wasn't helping at all.
You need to change your core thinking about yourself. You're making a big step by reflecting on yourself critically, but you aren't a burden, you're a person, and people have needs. You're allowed to need food, socialization, community, and even help. I believe that you can keep working on yourself; please don't loose hope 💚

Ohhh but that's the difference that I see. I think an age gap that large is fine for later in life, if anything pretty normal, but when you're 18 and still not fully mature and figuring life out, I don't think it's alright to be with a 32 year old.

A 14 and 28 year old? A 16 and 30 year old? No.

A 30 and 44 year old? A 35 and 49 year old? Not so bad.

Same age gap, but vastly different levels of life experience right there.

Just giving my opinion, which is that I don't think an 18 year old and 32 year old should date, much less marry after being together for only 2 years (especially when the girlfriend/wife plans to go back home, which wasn't in the boyfriend/husband's plan). Just an all around unfortunate situation, and I feel for OP and his daughter (so thankful the daughter is safe, good job to OP for making all the calls and working so hard to get his daughter home), but also worry about the young marriage of the wife.

Like 90% of the posts here are about men who are like twice the age of their wives and wondering what went wrong. Stop marrying children damn it it's so creepy. You married a 21 year old of course shes going to be irrational and immature

I’m 35 and reading his story thinking “the fuck you got in common with a 24 year old? Homeboy is pushing 40 and is wondering why a 24 year old is acting immature... he married her at my age when she was 21. I can’t fucking stand any 21 year old on this fucking planet. Let alone enough to marry one.

I turn 32 in under a month and I honestly get bored of conversation with most 18 year olds after 20 minutes. I can't even fathom marrying one. And I'm a borderline manchild, so it's not even a maturity thing. It's not their fault, I was uninteresting, inexperienced, uneducated, and probably kind of annoying at 18, too. There just should not be any compatibility there, even before considering how "gross" it is.

Such a no-non in my book. The mentalities/experiences of people at these ages are on different planets. I'm 29 and I can't relate to most 21-23 year olds. 32 and 18 (from another country at that).... Yikes

4 years older than his daughter. I don't get how he expects his wife to be a mature and responsible adult, but acts like his daughter is still a child. This is fishy as hell. Seems wifey wanted papers. OP wanted to have sex with a legal child. And the poor daughter is the one suffering

When he was, let’s see, 14. She was literally in there. In your womb. Imagine being pregnant with your daughter and an American teenager comes into your home and says “I’ll take that. I’ll have sex with that”

Yeah. How can you see an 18 year old as relationship material, but a 14 year old as someone who can’t navigate an airport?

(I navigated the Paris subway on my own at age 13, without any knowledge of French language. I wouldn’t drop off a young teenager and expect them to handle it, but I don’t think it’s insane for the wife, who doesn’t understand American helicopter parenting, to think the daughter couldn’t find her gate.)

For what it’s worth, the airline probably would have been able to work with the OP to get the teenager on the right flight, too.

How can you see an 18 year old as relationship material, but a 14 year old as someone who can’t navigate an airport?

This is a massively underrated comment.

Edit: Since I can't comment anymore because of the lock I just wanted to point out, I in no way condone what this woman did. I would not have left an adult alone in an airport in a foreign country, let alone a child. The commentary above was more directed at this man's views of his wife given their age difference and his expectations of her behavior.

Ooo this is obviously reaching and just feeding my need for reddit drama but what if the wife is actually fleeing from a bad relationship with op? Obviously it's unfortunate that the daughter got sucked into it but what if op isn't painting the full picture here?

I’ve watched shows about the international dating site business (basically still mail order brides but okay) and most of the dudes using the service were a little out there and I don’t know of any woman I know that would want to date them

My daughter took 10 to 12 hour intercontinental flights on her own from when she was 12. Yes, one adult family member made sure she checked in and got to security on one end and then another adult family member met her when she left the secure airport area upon arrival at her destination. She did however negotiate international transfers on her own from about 14. This sort of thing is not at all uncommon for families that are spread around the world in various places.

(Not trying to justify what OP's wife did as it sounds like she may have dropped the kid off at the airport to fend for herself. Just saying that flying internationally alone at a young age isn't an issue in itself.)

Yeah the airline thing confused me, international airport usually have people speaking different languages, and English isn't exactly an uncommon one. And I'm sure there were signs in English she could have followed. Like, I won't blame the daughter it's not her fault she wasn't prepared and probably panicked, and it was wrong to just drop someone off without helping them when they weren't expecting it, but I don't think teenagers navigating airports is completely unreasonable.

Pulkovo, the SPb airport, is hard to navigate. There aren't that many screens showing directions (including those in English), and I, as an adult, have gotten lost there a couple times too :( No wonder the kid had a bad time.

We're assuming she dropped the kid off with enough time to calm down at leaving without her stepmom, find a gate agent, explain, get through customs and onto her flight. A terrified, panicking minor attempting to travel internationally on her own might've been flagged by security and halted for her own safety until they contacted a parent and figured out what was going on.

Not sure if anyone else mentioned this but I also can’t help but think the wife may not have thought much about the 14 year old navigating the flights on her own because she herself did I at 17/18 to come to America. And if the daughter is say, 14 going on 15, then that is only a couple of years off from age she travelled internationally herself.

I don't really understand everyone flipping out about this part, it's not like she left the girl alone in the middle of the city or some small regional airport - it's St. Petersburg. There are people there who speak English. She dropped her off at the airport and almost certainly assumed she would be able to find her way from there. She perhaps should have come in and steered her to security but we don't even know that she didn't.

Also, why would OP have sent his daughter there in the first place? Presumably she doesn't speak Russian so wouldn't have had a good time with a bunch of strangers, and having to look after the girl would impact the wife's ability to have a good time - this seems like a poor decision at best and a very selfish or even controlling one at worst.

Exactly. If the kid is not independent enough to have figured it out on her own then I can totally see how she would panic and therefore it was a dick move - but if that's the case then OP needs to think about his parenting style, because as several people ITT have said lots of 14 year olds would have been perfectly capable of handling that situation.

Also, why would OP have sent his daughter there in the first place? Presumably she doesn't speak Russian so wouldn't have had a good time with a bunch of strangers, and having to look after the girl would impact the wife's ability to have a good time - this seems like a poor decision at best and a very selfish or even controlling one at worst.

However im sorry but this is just asinine. By that logic no 14 year old would want to go Paris or Rome or literally anywhere that doesn't speak English... Also blaming the dad for the daughter going and calling it selfish or controlling is just insane, especially since he literally said the wife wanted to take the daughter and the daughter wanted to go which is the reason why he caved and let the daughter go...

She wanted to bring my daughter with her - I initially was opposed to this - but I caved and let her bring her(my daughter wanted to go)

Agree most airport has English and majority of ppl who work in the airport speaks some English. Can’t she ask? I traveled alone to American from China by myself without speaking English when I was 13 20 years ago. Now days there are smart phone and google translate. I complete agree with the hypocrisy Op putting on his daughter and his wife.

Thank you! Im like your 14 year old daughter is helpless but in 4 years shed be ready for marriage and a child to take care of as well!???
Guys like that are just...disgusting. Its absolutely disgusting.
Secondly.. Yea I took the city bus and flew alome a lot as a kid. Shes 14 not 9.

Fantastic points made. Absolutely. As messed up at the whole situation is, it was not insanity for the wife to think the daughter won't make it safely home. And everyone talking about kidnap risk, this is the international airport of St Petersburg, it's 2019, an American teen tourist is quite safe. I used to travel tocand from Russia on my own at that age and that was a while ago, things are even more foreigner friendly now than then.

OP married someone who probably was mature for her age but like any person, has changed since her age of 18, and possible realised she can't stand behind her commitment she made at the age of 21. It sucks but all there is to do is to move on.

That's kinda were my head it at... When she was 18 and you guys met, you were almost twice her age4 years off.

The lack of responsibility and carelessness she showed is astronomical to me.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You married a young women who is just learning WTF it means to be an adult, she definitely fucked up by not making sure your daughter got on her plane, but I hope you give this girl some compassion and understanding as this is definitely something you signed up for marrying someone her age.

While I agree with you and personally think it's fucking creepy that he married someone that much younger than him I'd also like to add that I'm her age and would NEVER just leave a teenager alone at an airport. I get that you usually can't get past security without a plane ticket, but even just making sure her bags are checked in, getting her to the security line and checking that she makes it through ok and making sure she knows what gate she has to be at is worth a lot. I would NEVER.
So while this might have something to do with her age, I don't think she should be let off the hook because of it. She is still old enough to not endanger his daughter. She is to blame.

Seriously what was this dude expecting when dating a girl like that? lol this is borderline creepy, obviously a girl like that wasn't ready to be married with an old man with a teenager daughter. I'm guessing this dude can't find someone in his own league.

I think she genuinely cared, but since no one commenting actually knows anything about her culture, maybe she felt that marriage was her best option. Or maybe, like other young women that age, she legitimately thought she could be happy here in the US with him, only to go back home after so long and realize how much she missed it. She also probably wasn't ready to be a MOM right off the bat in a relationship. Let's think about that for a second here.

I read that after I commented. She wasn't much of a mom then, was she? More like a live-in best friend to the daughter, and then a maid/sex doll for the husband (well, that's a bit dark, but I wonder if that's what it felt like for her.)

I thought the same thing as soon as I read the headline. There is no excuse for dropping off OP’s daughter at the airport but let’s face it - at 24 you’re still figuring things out. She’s in a completely different life stage than OP. I’m 34 and it’s weird to think of marrying someone who is 21, that’s just way too young.

To piggy back on this - she’s 24. As a 24 year old myself, they do stupid things without thinking and act childish sometimes. This sounds like one of those time, but you gotta understand that means it’s important to her.

ANOTHER PIGGY BACK. My uncle met my aunt in japan while sailing around the world in his mid 20’s. She eventually moves with him in the US, and as far as I know HATED IT. She never had any friends here or got accustomed to the way of life, and ever since my cousin turned 18 and moved out she’s essentially been living in Japan while my uncle lives in the US. It’s just a shitty situation all around

The wife was only 4 years older than OP's daughter when she came to the US. Then she gets "stuck" in the US and hasn't been able to get back home for at least the last 3 years. She gets back home and the old emotional attachment to her family becomes overwhelming.

What she did to OP's daughter is irresponsible, but the wife was too immature to commit to a relationship like that and OP should have been aware of it.

All right I'm a younger guy and is known for making impulse decisions, but none of that would ever justify leaving a fucking child alone in a foreign country. The wife is acting like she herself is a 14-year-old, flippant and uncaring to anything that isn't how she feels right now.

I think that was absolutely reckless and dangerous, I was just trying to give some perspective as it seemed some people missed the ages/timeline, but that definitely doesn't justify abandoning a 14 year old that you're still responsible for and ghosting both them and your husband.

Amen. OP started dating an immigrant 18 yr/o at the beginning of her education while he was 32.

His daughter is closer in age (10 yrs) to his “child-bride” then he is to his wife (14 yrs)

So his inappropriately age-gapped wife is young, inexperienced, in a new culture, and relatively uneducated. OP prob got off on controlling many aspects of her life. No doubt he’s freaking out bc she’s showing a huge burst of independence.

OP should let his wife, 14 years his junior, be a young adult. He stole and is stealing parts of her youth. OP, Stop that. Have a conversation with her about how she’s feeling and try to understand where she’s coming from and appreciate her struggle.

OP’s 14 year younger wife probably views her step daughter more like a step little sister bc they’re only 10 years apart.

The communication between you two is a bit of a problem, but that’s bc she’s probably scared and intimidated by OP’s predatory and controlling nature. Having a 14 yr/o travel alone internationally is not ideal, but my parents sent me to Australia and back when I was 12 and this only increased my feelings of maturity and independence. By the time I was 14 I was running around the neighborhood with girls, “borrowing”cars, and raisin a lil hell. Point being 14 isn’t ideal, but is old enough to travel alone.

OP drop your ego, drop your desire to control your wife, understand what she did is totally forgivable, and work on understanding and appreciating where your wife is coming from.

But honestly OP, you should prob divorce bc you strike me as taking a more police officer role in your relationship (making demands, bullying a younger/subordinate target, and thinking your point of view is the only valid POV) when your wife needs a counselor who’s trying to meet her on her level and partner up with her to overcome whatever she’s going through.

Also OP, when a 32 yr/o educated father and citizen preys on a 18 yr/o immigrant student and teenage girl... you kinda reap what ya sow (that’s why it’s always you, be accountable and appropriate).

I haven't seen anybody else point this out, but he never said she was 18. He very clearly states she was 'around 18' when they started dating.

Google says that most Russian students finish high school at 17. Which is around 18.

It seems he chose his wording very carefully to technically tell the truth. Why else would you say your spouse is around an age rather than giving the exact number? He knows her age, he's trying to avoid admitting that their relationship was of questionable legality when it started, I bet.

She's very young and probably making a lot of impulsive decisions because of the rush of feelings upon returning home.

OP CAN CONFIRM, 24 YRS OLD AND I CONTINUOUSLY MAKE EMOTIONAL AND IMPULSIVE DECISIONS. I can't imagine how it would be to walk in her shoes. In a different country.. and then to go back and know you have to leave it all behind.

I was in NYC for 3 years.. I moved away from my friends and family in a different state... And it was A JOURNEY. MYy spouse is older than me as well... I just feel for your wife. Although I do not agree with her decision to leave your daughter at the airport alone. I would have helped her at least get on the flight and message you saying " HEY, GONNA STAY FOR A WEE BIT."

It's his daughter from a previous relationship, assuming because he said "my daughter" and not "our daughter," and also because he said he has sole/full custody of his daughter. So, he married his current wife, and his 14 year old is her step daughter.

As a permanent resident who is married to a U.S. citizen, you are eligible for naturalization after just three years. This is a significant benefit (as it normally requires five years as a permanent resident before applying for citizenship).

To qualify, you must have lived in the U.S. continuously for the three years immediately preceding the date you file Form N-400, Application for Naturalization. You must be married to a citizen the entire time; and your spouse must have been a U.S. citizen for the entire time.

This right here, 14 years difference and now she has an education and knows how to adult she's going to move on without the 38 year old holding her back, as bad as that sounds she's only 24 and has so much time to enjoy life then being a step mom so early in life and then the thought of having to take care of a old man eventually probably doesn't help. IMO OP is a fucking perve though.

Me thinks she probably just got married for that “financial security” and had no intentions coming back. Now that she was taken care of in a foreign land while finishing school, she can go back home without retribution.

That does make sense, but then how do you explain why she pushed for the stepdaughter to come along? I feel she may have truly had feelings for her husband and stepkid but after returning home realized how much she missed her family and home country and doesn’t want to come back.

Yes. He said in the post that she couldn't go home for 3 years because school and because of his daughter. He has custody of his daughter but it sounds like he's putting the responsibility on her.
There are plenty of breaks in the school year.

That would likely build resentment over time that she's responsible for his child, who's old enough to not need constant oversight.

It definitely doesn’t justify her actions but yeah, I sympathize with her. A 32 year old man pursuing a relationship with an 18 year old is really bizarre and kinda creepy. Her essentially fleeing the country doesn’t reflect well on OP.

This entire situation is oozing finance bro who met "The girl of his dreams" at some nightclub in New York city hahahah. all jokes aside I hope your daughter is alright. cut your loses and move on buddy your creepy ass had fun while it lasted

Anyone else catch this guy’s username? Whyaalwaysmedammit. Not much to go off here since he’s only made one post, no comments, but it seems like a red flag that he’s playing victim after 2 failed marriages by 35.

Story is fake. He had me up until the time he said he was worried about them coming back and yet did not check his phone for a 15-hour time span, including going to sleep, waking up, driving to the airport, and waiting for the plane to arrive. During all that time he doesn't think to look at his phone when he's waiting to hear back? Nope, not buying it.

This is a terrible idea. Do NOT do this. At least not if you want any kind of favorable-to-you settlement in a divorce. Judges do not look kindly upon men who try to impoverish their soon-to-be-ex wives, especially if they do it with the express motivation of forcing her to come back to them (which is what you're saying he should do).

During which time she or someone she is associated with (willingly or otherwise) could take all of his money with very little chance of tracing it or getting it back because it is in a foreign country.

She knows how to contact him if she needs funds to return home or for another legitimate purpose, at which time he can move money back to an account she can access. Until that time, there is no harm in protecting his assets until he has more information.

That's true, but that doesn't change the fact that how this is going to look to a judge is "my wife went to visit family and while she's gone I decided to empty out all the accounts and leave her impoverished and stranded so I could take 100% of the marital assets including what she is legally entitled to" and that's.. not something you want to present to the judge.

"Your honor, when we cancelled those cards and shifted the money out of the normal bank account, we did it out of concern that something unpleasant had happened to the spouse in a foreign nation. She was incommunicado, had failed to provide oversight to a 14 year old at the airport, and had not informed her family in Russia what her plans were. Quite honestly, our concern was she was subject to the control or capture of someone. As you can see, we kept the money safe in an account she could not access, and left a card open with a $1,000 limit. We are glad she is okay, and we stand ready to split the proceeds according to the laws of the State of ______."

I would be willing to say that all day long to a judge in this case.

By the way, counselor, how many decades have you appeared in court cases involving money?

His wife has been "incommunicado" for literally less than one day. Clearing out the accounts and closing the credit cards to strand her in Russia without any funds at this point would be not only wrong and look incredibly bad, it would be done to punish her. You'll notice that OP doesn't express any concern of these things you're claiming.

Well the difference being if he saves the messages showing that he did this AFTER she blew up on him and ghosted and after leaving his (not her) daughter at a foreign airport. I think thatll have some bearing on what a judge will think. Listen to the top poster

There is no difference. It will still reflect very poorly upon him to strand his wife in Russia without any money. It is a wrong act, and will be regarded that way. Her actions in leaving his daughter at the airport were reprehensible, but that doesn't justify leaving her with no money and no way to get home.

Well thats where the whole, "Is she really gone or not?" comes into play. He even stated that she never planned on staying in the states until they met. First trip over there without him and she decides to say shes staying, abandons his daughter and then ghosts him? Not just him but also her own family? Thats suspicious and I think taking measures to prevent fraud or theft isnt that unwarranted. Theres nothing to stop him from still helping her out to come back if she ever gets back to him but thats a mighty big if. Maybe she just changed her mind her life plans or maybe its something else but theres only so much he can do on his end to figure that out.

What I'm saying is that if he plans to divorce her, it will look very bad for him to strand her in Russia without any access to her own funds and the funds she is legally entitled to. That's not an okay thing to do. If he's afraid of fraud, he should freeze his own credit so she can't open any new accounts with his information, but leave their joint accounts and credit cards untouched.

Also, OP said she does plan to return to the US, just not as soon as she had originally planned. Any number of things could have happened for her to make that decision. And her mother just hasn't heard from her for less than a day, so I don't think we can say that she's "ghosting her family" - by that logic I've ghosted my family every time I walk three blocks to the pizza place and hang around by the bars there ffs.

I can see where youre coming from, and you do have good points there but the flaw is that he never heard the "Stay for another month for the bday party" from her at all. He heard this from her mom using a translation program. Do you really think she would behave that way if her plan was just that? Im not saying just take the money away forever, of course shes legally entitled to her half after divorce. However I think her behavior is suspicous enough to warrent taking extra precautions on his end. Plus I dont think she'd be relying on that account while in Russia, more likely taking cash beforehand to exchange and use. But thats also the flaw in my logic. When I travel I know my cards and accounts dont always work in other countries so I just budget out some cash to use. I dont know the specifics in her case and that should definetly be taken into account. However if shes not relying on those accounts actively then whats the harm now to do so?

Honestly, if you want my interpretation, it sounds like OP's wife is panicking. I think she went back home after three years of not seeing her family and realized that she's not ready to be married to a forty year old man and only see her family every three years or so when he allows her to. (And I don't want to speculate too much, but the kind of forty year old man who gets involved with and married to women her age... usually it's not good for the woman.) Maybe she wants to figure her life out with her family and told her mom she'd take the month until her brother's birthday to figure out what she wants to do.

Either that, or something terrible happened to her. I don't know. It's been less than a day since OP spoke to her.

We can't know for sure, unless OP updates with more information. But I think stranding her with no access to her own money is wrong and will make him look bad in front of a judge if/when they divorce, and that's all I wanted to advise OP on, because so many people are yelling at him to immediately empty his accounts. I think freezing his credit so no new accounts can be created in his name would be wise, but I don't think he should cut his wife off.

I mean, depending on the jurisdiction, they may not be her own funds. Also, he has no obligation to continue funding any account that she does have access to. At the very least he should move half of everything into a separate account and discontinue funding the account she does have access to.

There is no US jurisdiction where a spouse can be denied all marital assets.

That (moving half of the assets to another account and stopping funding the joint) would probably be acceptable so long as he also moved at least half of the expenses off of that account, I would think.

It doesn’t sound like she’s stranded; she chose to stay with her family. It would be different if she went on vacation somewhere entirely by herself and had nowhere to stay or people she could reach out to, etc.

She would be stranded because she would have no money of her own. You don't get to withhold all funds from someone, including their own money, and then go "well they have family in the area so it's okay."

She’s Russian. In Russia. She’s more than capable of getting a job to make her own money in her home country. Especially when she sounds like she has little to no intention of coming back to OP and is probably staying with family for free.

And yet that STILL doesn't justify cutting her off from access to her own bank account and credit cards. Shocking, I know, but you don't just get to punish women in whatever way you want when they do something wrong.

Well, what I'm responding to are people telling him to zero out the joint bank accounts and close all credit cards, which would absolutely leave her with zero funds whatsoever and is completely wrong and will look extremely bad. He can't do that. No matter what his motive is.

They aren’t necessarily legally entitled to it. He could also just shift it to a joint account that she doesn’t have access to. Plus unless she comes back she’d be shit out of luck either way, good luck trying to settle a divorce from half a world away.

"Don't get screwed in the divorce because you decided to react hastily and removed the money your wife is legally entitled to, which makes you look terrible in front of a judge" is bad advice? Nah, son.

If she is staying in Russia, fat chance he'll be able to recover the money. I might not cancel the credit cards and move the money out, but I would change all the bank passwords, cancel all the checks, etc. and report the debit cards as missing/stolen.

So you would essentially accomplish the same goal, with the bonus of looking even worse in the divorce than if you had just moved the money and closed the credit cards as it would be obvious that you were doing everything you could to cut her off from all funds while trying not to let the court see that you'd done it and committing fraud? Yeah, that'll go over great, you certainly did find That One Trick Family Court Judges Hate, for sure.

Again, I think there's a happy medium - if your wife had gone missing and was not responding, you would fear the worst no? Protecting your assets is not unreasonable, especially since she's in a foreign country.

She's free to come back to the USA and collect her credit cards, etc. I would freely give them to a third-party.

You're playing by US rules, but if someone is going to disappear in Russia, she's not going to show up in family court in the USA.

In this context though, does it matter? I agree that if he was fighting over custody, it's not a good look - but this looks like a daughter from a previous relationship, and he has sole custody (so that's not an issue).

Regardless of whether he's a good person, a bad person, or a fair person, he's going to owe her 50% of the joint assets. No one's disputing that. If he's a dick and cuts her off, he'll still owe her 50%. If he's nice, doesn't do anything, and she files for divorce, he'll owe the same 50%.

I would cut her off, then happily go before the court and tell the judge I'm willing to give 50% of my assets. There doesn't seem to be any other point of contention - no custody over daughter, no other kids, etc.

The risk of getting cleaned out is so much higher. He will not be able to recovery that money, whatsoever, if it goes to Russia.

Other assets than just money can be awarded in different ways, and alimony could also apply. Trust me, there are ways for a judge to screw someone over royally if they prefer one side over the other for any reason - I've seen people left homeless and with nothing after a divorce because the judge preferred one side over the other, and I'm not kidding.

So what's the proper time frame? A week? When can he clear out the accounts and put them in a safe account that she doesnt have access to while she literally cut off all contact to the US? I get your point, but there has to be a tipping point at sometime. What if she never comes back to the US or never talks to her husband again? I get that you want him to look nice and pretty for divorce proceedings, but those proceedings may never happen.

He has absolutely no way of recovering lost money from Russia. That's horrible advice. He absolutely needs to protect his finances from her. If she's willing to give up on him and their marriage for her family in Russia, then he needs to protect himself where he's located, presumably in the US.

We have no clue whose money it is. If it is her money, she is entitled to it, yes. But if they have a joint account that he supplies with money because maybe she doesn't have a job or whatever, he is entitled to that money because it is his. He needs to take his money out of any account she can possibly access and put it in a different account in another bank.

That's wrong. Since she has abandoned their child and fled the country, she's not entitled to any marital assets. She may be entitled to money she has legally earned. The laws of America don't count in Russia and vice versa. If she was in the USA, she might be entitled to marital assets, but it would also depend on the state in which they live, how long they've been married, and whether or not she was employed during their marriage. Besides, they're not divorced. She just left.

I agree that's fine, if it's possible - usually with joint credit cards, you can't just take someone's name off the card. What he should do is document the date that she stopped communicating, and make the argument at the divorce that he should not be responsible for any debt she accrued after that date as they were no longer acting as a married couple. I don't know whether or not that would pass muster, but it's better than shutting the cards down or removing all her access to funds.

The credit card debt is the scariest part; because it could be racked up as far as the credit limit goes.

Bank account; maybe not so scary, because it's finite. Move direct deposit of future paychecks into another account at another bank, pay a couple bills, maybe a mortgage payment, out of the joint account to deplete it a little, and then just keep an eye on it.

If OP ends up filing for divorce and the wife never comes back (and all she got was a couple grand out of their joint account) then he got off pretty cheap. It's a crass way of thinking about it, but divorce is usually ugly, and the truth is she'll get a larger share of the marital assets if she comes back to the US for the divorce hearing.

It seems like maybe she committed a crime, though, where the daughter is concerned. Bringing a kid to an airport in a foreign country and saying, essentially, "you're on your own from here" has got to be child endangerment or something. If OP and daughter can make a statement to the police ASAP then maybe the wife will have a warrant and it wouldn't be in her best interest to come back at all if that's what they want.

The credit card thing really depends on OP's finances and credit. I'd definitely advise OP to put a freeze on his credit so that no new accounts can be created in his name, though, just in case.

I don't know if it would be considered child abandonment or endangerment, given that the daughter is fourteen. She's still a child of course, but children that age fly unaccompanied all the time.

Personally, I think most of these comments are drastically overreacting since the wife has only been out of communication with OP for less than a day, and with her mother for one morning. It doesn't sound like she's just vanished off the face of the earth, she isn't even gone long enough to file a missing persons report if she were in the US.

That’s true but if she’s in Russia and maxes out a card in his name there’s almost no chance to recover any money. The risk is very high. If his credit score gets screwed up it could cost him thousands more than just the amount she runs up.

Mostly the latter, but the former is also a possibility (for instance, he could potentially be committing fraud if he does what one user suggested and report her cards as "stolen" when he knows for a fact that they are not).

I mean, it's possible, but it's also been less than a day since they spoke. I wouldn't be assuming "she's gonna max out all the credit cards". I'd imagine if she were kidnapped or something, they already would have started using the cards..

And since it's possible I would treat it like it's happening right now (since you know my WIFE IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY isnt talking to me) In which case he should take all the money out and move it into a safe account where she and her cards have no access to it right? If she wants access she can open a dialogue about it. You said that your concerned about getting a favorable divorce ruling, what if it never comes to that? If she chooses to stay in Russia and he clears out the accounts into a safe account away from her I dont see a judge giving her a favorable ruling. If she comes back to the US and he cleared out the account into a safe account she might be pissed about it, and rightly so. But it would go back to life as normal, unless they still filed for divorce and your right here she may get a slightly more favorable ruling. If she is kidnapped in Russia and he moves it out to a safe account protecting them both, he is fine. There is only one losing situation here and in my personal opinion it is the least likely one to happen. You gotta remember for her to get a favorable divorce settlement she needs to be in the US and actually get divorced. In all likely hood IF she comes back to the US they will stay married and not get divorced. I understand what your trying to say tho, and maybe if the divorce was inevitable anyways your way would hold more water, but this situation I dont believe that would be the right choice.

I could be wrong but I don’t think any cc can be opened as a pure joint account anymore. Usually it’s one cardholder is primary and the other an authorized user - in which case, OP just needs to close whichever ones are in his name and remove himself as an authorized user.

Ask your friend’s dad who is a judge what would happen if he moved all money out of the account but was able to trace the funds and later prove he didn’t dissipate them. He’ll tell you it’s fine. OP doesn’t need to sit idly by and watch the joint account get drained by theft or fraud.

Her home is in the US and she has expressed a desire to return, just not as soon as she told OP. OP cutting off all of her access to funds would be stranding her in Russia, because she would be unable to access her money to purchase a ticket home.

You can't justify cutting her off from her own money and money she is legally entitled to by going "but she has family!". That won't work.

Not a lawyer, I just read a lot and hang around law forums. I'm not really talking about the legality of any of this, just how it looks to the judge... judges get quite a bit of leeway in divorce cases, and it's not a good idea to do things that piss them off right from the start if you want a good judgment, you know?

Personally I would rather risk losing more in a possible divorce settlement (if she comes back to the US for it) than risk losing everything with no recourse, because hey it was your wife and you were worried about losing slightly more than half your assets than her clearing out your life savings while living in a different country.

It's not HER money. At most, she can try to get half but that requires her to come back and formally divorce him instead of lying and abandoning his kid.

If she wanted to stay longer, a normal person makes a phone call and discusses it.

This marriage is over already. She refuses to have a discussion with this guy or take any ownership over her actions. Someone that can abandon a child she was a stepmother to for years because of some flimsy excuse about a brothers birthday NEXT MONTH is not above taking all the money and telling him to fuck off. And then he has to support his kid while she lives well banging some other dude.

Wtf are you talking about? If OP’s wife abandoned him, fled to a foreign country, and ditched their daughter at the airport, OP isn’t required to allow himself and his daughter to be impoverished and vulnerable to fraud by leaving accounts open and accessible with all kinds of cash. Nor is he required to allow her to spend money in a foreign country on his credit cards. In fact, if they reside in a community property state, contracts she enters into without his consent may be voidable at OP’s option. Since she is traveling abroad on vacation, I would argue that NO EXPENSE is a necessity of life, and that therefore they are all unauthorized depletions of marital assets and voidable.

If she’s married in a CP state she isn’t entitled to spend a dime on anything but life’s necessities without the consent of both spouses. She’s on vacation in Russia. Nothing is a necessity on vacation. She is welcome to return home. In the meantime, she lied about her intentions, and she just barely avoided committing parental kidnapping. OP is fine.

If he cuts off all of her access to her own funds, how exactly is she "welcome to return home?" I doubt the courts would look fondly upon a dude who literally cuts his wife off from her own accounts and money and strands her in another country.

Depends on who is the primary card holder. We have one account under my name, with an access card for my husband and one that is vice versa. I can cancel my own account without anything from my husband, which would cancel his access card. He could do the same to me.

Lol yeah, if it's under his name...he'd be canceling (edit: I suppose wording is important here, I meant if it's only under his name. If it is under both, he can put a hold due to "suspicious actvity" cuz you can't cancel without both sigs) his cards that she is permitted to use.

Lol yeah, if it's under his name...he'd be canceling his cards that she is permitted to use.

Only if they aren't truely her cards. We have something called an authorized user. Someone who is added to your credit line who can use it by is not legally obligated to pay it (though they normally do). You get a card with a number and your name on it and can use it but if you run up the bill, only the account holder is legally obligated to pay it. The primary account holder is the only account holder, and the authorized user is just allowed to us it, but the account holder can revoke that at any time.

Honest to God 'joint' credit cards are exceptionally rare (I can only think of one bank that does them and I think it's one card).

Only if they aren't truely her cards. We have something called an authorized user. Someone who is added to your credit line who can use it by is not legally obligated to pay it (though they normally do). In a way, the primary account holder is the only account holder, and the authorized user is just allowed to us it, but the account holder can revoke that at any time.

IANAL. They're joint assets and if in the divorce proceedings he's completely open about what transpired, I can't imagine a judge that would look upon him negatively for this behavior, though this is a question for r/legaladvice and ultimately his own attorney. It doesn't really matter anyway. In a divorce each side is going to hire its own accountant, and sometimes the court hires a neutral as well. They add up everyone's assets and split them accordingly.

IANAL. They're joint assets and if in the divorce proceedings he's completely open about what transpired, I can't imagine a judge that would look upon him negatively for this behavior, though this is a question for r/legaladvice and ultimately his own attorney. It doesn't really matter anyway. In a divorce each side is going to hire their own accountant and sometimes the court hires a neutral as well. They add up everyone's assets and split them accordingly.

Yes! Financially cripple a woman who might have been groomed 18, stuck taking care of a child instead of living her dreams. Force her to move back to the USA so her groomer can have more control of her.

Sounds so brilliant! As if women aren't already stuck in shitty abusive marriages already and forced to stay because they can't financially get back to their feet!

Cancel her credit cards? WTF? She is allowed to have her own credit cards, canceling someone elses credit cards becasuse you are mad at them is absurd and wrong. If she has HIS credit or bank cards, that is another story.

I'm not a bank expert but I don't think you can just move funds from a joint account to a private account. The only reason I say this is because my husband and I have a joint account with only a few dollars left in it, and I tried to move it into my account so we could close it. The bank would not allow it without husband's signature. Same for moving it to his account, they wanted written consent from me. Wasn't worth the effort so it's still sitting there.

Edit: After re-reading your post I see you didn't say anything about moving money out of the joint account--I think I just assumed it. I'm leaving it anyway ;)

Edit 2: Everybody is telling me I'm incorrect, so it must have just been something weird about my institution or the type of accounts.

Edit 2: Everybody is telling me I'm incorrect, so it must have just been something weird about my institution or I am remembering it wrong.

At most banks you totally can withdraw 100% of the funds without the other owner, but you can’t close the account. Might have to leave a minimal amount in there if the account had a minimum. But get with out via cashier’s check and open a new account at a different bank.

I am a teller at a credit union, and any joint member can withdraw and transfer as they please so long as they are joint on the account. Many couples have a joint together and also individual accounts that only they own, and they can do whatever as long as it’s in their name.

You need both signatures to close an account (which usually involves emptying the account below the required minimum level). There's nothing stopping you from removing almost all of the cash from the account (minus the minimum required). Do you need your husband's signature if you go to the ATM? Of course not, it's a joint account meaning the money belongs to both of you, and you can do what you like with it.

You may have an account minimum that would prevent you from removing the funds, but when I went through my divorce my ex husband did in fact withdraw ALL the funds from our joint bank. He felt he was owed it because I made more money than him.

My joint account, I was the primary account holder and my husband the secondary so he could not close it. I was able to kick him off without him being there because primary vs secondary it was technically my account.

I'm not sure how BOA set it for my ex and I. I just know they didn't allow either of us to close it without the other but he could still take all the money. However, this was in Texas where it was considered community property, so state can have something to do with it.

The joint accounts i have with my husband now one I am primary and he is secondary and the other he is primary and I'm secondary, but in a completely different state now.

I have loved them since I was a kid, I grew up in WA, moved a few states with hubs in the military, now back in WA, and SO glad to be back with a bank I trust. BOA gave me SO many issues and reiterated why i hate big banks...though Gesa is much bigger than it was when I was little lol

To any who do not know, any user on an account can close it at any time. Joint means you both trust each other and any action either of you takes is considered valid. Your spouse can remove everything and close it without telling you...even over the phone, they can close and have a check overnighted at ANY TIME. That said I have a joint account so just be safe.

When I was working for a national chain, a guy who had his wife on his business account had his business dissolved and liquidated. He said she wound up with about a million dollars in total because a bunch of assets were also in her name. He was doing some dodgy tax things IMO.

I'm not a bank expert but I don't think you can just move funds from a joint account to a private account.

I mean, I literally move money back and forth between my private account and my joint account with my wife all the time. No signatures are required (I do this online). I mean, maybe because you wanted to close an account, but I don't see how moving your money around has any roadblocks.

Moving all of the money out of joint accounts and closing joint credit cards will go very badly for OP in a divorce. It's a really bad idea.

I agree with consulting the local law enforcement, though, and continuing contact with the US embassy in case the wife is in some kind of trouble. She may be being forced or coerced into acting the way she is.

She has a green card he is a citizen. Odds are pretty good he’s the primary in all accounts and cards even if he added her. This it’s his account and cards to choose who accesses them. I would beg to further that since she just finished her degree she probably wasn’t bringing in much of any income. Sorry #facts

Only if your lawyer is shit. There is plenty of established evidence indicating the wife's erratic behavior. As long as he doesn't spend all the money frivolously then there is no reason that it would look bad.

She’s barely not a kid herself, living a life she didn’t intend, kept from visiting her family for years (a third of her life up until then) in part because she’s caring for a child just a few years younger than herself and living the life of a much older man as he wants it, without even a short trip home or, I’m guessing, much teenage/young adult fun.

Ditching the daughter is inexcusable, and just not telling the husband that she isn’t coming until she had no choice and then ignoring him is extremely immature, but that’s what she is - not yet mature.

That life is not for her and after a few years of it she’s had enough and she’s escaping it. Maybe just taking a big break from it with her deeply-missed loved ones and intends to come back, but either way, she wants her original life. And I get it.

What I don’t get is why a grown man with a daughter started a relationship with a barely-legal teenager on her first big experience and then thought she would live his old man life without access to her old life and regular visits to loved ones forever. Or why he would even want to marry someone in such a different place in their development.

Marry a child, get a childish wife doing childish things.

She’s barely not a kid herself, living a life she didn’t intend, kept from visiting her family for years in part because she’s caring for a child just a few years younger than her and living the life of a much older man as he wants it, without even a short trip home or, I’m guessing, much teenage/young adult fun.

A 24 year old is old enough to have an MBA, DPt, or at works a college degree with experience. The fact that you can't trust a 24 year old to complete big projects is discriminatory and laughable. Jesus christ.

I worked with internationals for almost ten years... This is something that comes up all the time. If you want to get with an international for fun, that's one thing. If you want to marry them, you have to have some serious conversations about what marriage means in each culture and to each person, what the expectations each person has of their roles in the marriage, etc., ON TOP OF, "Hey, do you think you will want to go back and visit your family?" This woman has not seen HER PARENTS more than ONCE in six years. She was not much more than a kid herself, and now she's insta-stepmom at 21, too??? Clearly none of these much-needed conversations happened!!! I'm not sorry for this guy one bit.

I mean, yeah, that's horrible that she ditched the daughter at an international airport and all. That sucks. WHOA BAD ON HER.

And the poor daughter! Like, what has got to be going through her mind, with her dad marrying someone TEN YEARS OLDER THAN HER? She's GOT to feel some level of creeped out that her dad did that. I have a stinking suspicion that this guy is gonna get with another 18-22 year old woman (about the same age as his first wife, let's be real here), and this girl is NOT going to be okay with it when she realizes her dad has a thing for young women.

At the same time, though... Who's to say this Russian woman didn't feel somewhat trapped in her own marriage, like maybe she was kind of 'trafficked' herself? We aren't told really how their relationship started. Maybe she started dating the guy to keep her grades up in his class, and she just kept up a charade for as long as she could so she wouldn't get in trouble with the law or the university. Maybe she really did think that she would be happy with him only to realize how much she missed her home. We aren't told what was going on in her head. Something I have observed in my Eastern European (Slavic/Baltic, not Greek or Turkish) friends, unless they are very close to you, they rarely open up quickly. They tend to come across as introverted until they know you well and feel they can trust you, which can often take years. I don't want to take sides or pretend I know everything about this situation, but there is more to this story than he is telling, probably because it either reveals more red flags or reveals that he is more of a douche than a creeper.

Basically put this in another comment, but my mom ended up with a stepmom that was 21 when she was 10, similar to OP. She has told me many times it felt creepy and it definitely messed up her relationship with her father for a long time.

OP, please don’t do this again. It’s not good for you, and sure as hell not good for your daughter.

My dad one time dated a stripper who was only 5 years older than me. Best believe I was fucking creeped out. Of course, that relationship went to hell real fast between them but the entire time they were together I couldn't look my dad in the eye without cringing.

Was my thought too. I take all of his "Why me?" shit with a huge grain of salt. Don't for a second believe it was the wife's idea, unless she knew that was the only way he would trust her to come back. Narcissistic self-delusions and paranoia out the wazoo.

I was 24 when I married my husband who was 30. Even with that age difference we have some trouble with certain things in our relationship. We’ve been able to work them out. But I couldn’t imagine having a bigger age difference.

I dated guys 15 years my senior. There’s no way I’d be able to stay in a relationship with them. Absolutely none.

It sucks that Daughter missed her flight, but honestly a it's reasonable to expect a teenager to be able to walk through an airport to the correct gate. She's plenty old enough to fly on her own. OPs wife was living halfway around the world without her family when she was just four years older than Daughter.

I find your post, as well as most other posts in here, completely off-base and kind of naive.

It's as if you guys don't know what happened here. You're making it sound like this guy got her to do something she didn't want.

Most likely she tried to convince him to get married. She was probably telling him the entire time that what she wants in life is a family.

The reason I say this is because her student visa was running out and she would have had to leave the country. She would have completed her US degree but not had access to the US job market which commands a much higher wage than the Russian job market. So she got married to him on a K1 visa so she could stay in the country. She stayed with him the 3 years it takes until she can file for citizenship:

As a permanent resident who is married to a U.S. citizen, you are eligible for naturalization after just three years. This is a significant benefit (as it normally requires five years as a permanent resident before applying for citizenship).

To qualify, you must have lived in the U.S. continuously for the three years immediately preceding the date you file Form N-400, Application for Naturalization. You must be married to a citizen the entire time; and your spouse must have been a U.S. citizen for the entire time.

After this 3 years had passed she made her move and took off on him. You can bet that she will be back in the US to complete her paperwork and start a life in the US.

If she were really just homesick she would stay in Russia (like she claims she's doing). But she won't. She will be coming back into the US and continuing the process to become a citizen.

Much different than her being an innocent, naive girl who got wrapped up in a life she didn't want, she in fact was a mature opportunist who used this guy to gain citizenship. She stayed with him the required 3 years until she got that degree and met the 3 year marriage eligibility... and not a minute more. This was planned out.

Age difference means less as you get older. I'm 32 and if one of my friends started a relationship with at 46 year old, it would be unusual but not creepy. If one of my friends started a relationship with an 18 year old, it would be super creepy. 18 is still so young.

A 32 year old starting a relationship with someone who by US standards is only just a legal adult is very sketchy. It's even sketchier since she just arrived to a foreign country meaning she didn't have a local support system.

There is a huge difference between being 18 and 32. While there are of course some people who honestly love each other despite such an age difference, I can't remember any 18 year old girls whom I've met when I was 18 who were ready to: marry someone much older and take responsibility for a stepdaughter only 10 years younger. You're in a completely different mindset at those ages.

*an around 18 year old girl. So I’m assuming 17. This whole story feels off and I assume we’re missing a bunch of information. She should never have left the daughter in the airport but there’s definitely more going on here. I imagine the relationship isn’t great.

you started dating her when you were 32 and she was 18? aside from how creepy that is to me, im not sure why you are surprised about her “lack of responsibility and carelessness.”

honestly besides for the fact that she left your daughter alone, which she should not have done i agree that was stupid, dangerous, and reckless, i feel like she realized life with you is not what she wants and “ran away” in a sense.

My husband's ex started hooking up with her current boyfriend when she was 18 and he was 35. Surprisingly, their relationship is garbage because he's a lazy 40-year old dude with no job and she's a lazy 23-year old with no job and a 6-year old child.

While I feel that what the wife did with the daughter is utterly inexcusable no matter what, I do agree with this here. 18 is a goddamn child still. I can’t imagine wtf he was thinking starting that relationship. Like you wanna fuck someone who just stopped needing a pediatrician? That’s gross

I completely agree. OP said she hadn't seen her family in three years, which seems weird to me. My husband is German and even though we were seriously struggling financially the last couple years, we still talk with his family regularly over skype and whatsapp, particularly about us visiting them or vice versa, because they are family. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like if they skyped with her parents regularly, he would have mentioned it in the whole part about seeing her parents. The age difference alone here seems odd (he married someone almost half his age??) and doesn't speak Russian by the sound of it and neither does his daughter. Not to mention, he only met her family once before (at the wedding). If I had an 18 year old daughter studying in another country and some 32 year old man with a daughter only ten years younger than her tried to date her, then married her, she didn't visit for 3 years, and he never made an effort to be involved with her culture or family when she was expected to be a mother at that young age, THEN she came home and insisted on never going back? Well, I'd think he was manipulating and abusing her. It sounds skeezy as hell and if OP was in his wife's shoes and posting this from her perspective, most people would tell her that he is likely a predator, trapping helpless foreign girls who may not understand english well or have local support systems, and she needs to stay away from him. That'd be my advice atleast.

Not trying to defend this guy, but there is a chance she was unable to leave the US while waiting for her K1 visa and green card. Lawyers normally advised against traveling abroad during this time to eliminate re-entry problems.

You mean the lack of responsibility and carelessness that comes from being 24 years old? That's a 14 year age gap... To put it in perspective, your wife is closer to your daughter's age than she is to you.

A 24 year old should definitely know that you shouldn't leave a 14 year old by themself in a strange country. Obviously she doesn't need to go back to OP, but she should've at least made sure his daughter made it back ok instead of just dropping her at an airport.

Yeah it’s really weird that this shit is actually being upvoted. 24 is about the age people start getting married. I’d say a lot of couples have had kids at maybe 25-26. Being 24 puts you closer to being a parent than a child.

24 is still plenty old enough to know that you can't just leave a 14 year old at an airport in a different country by herself! On top of that she should know that she can't just wait until the morning of coming back to say "nah, I'm gonna stay here and leave your daughter at the airport by herself and hope she gets home to you"

I've shared some personal things about myself on this account, but they're still vague-ish enough that I could be anyone. If I wanted to post a story like OP's that could be very easily linked to my actual identity, I'd make a throwaway too.

Yeah if I knew someone who at 32 with an 8yo daughter hooked up with a 17yo ("around 18"), I don't think there's any respect I could lose for him if I also found out he's into getting his balls stomped by a dom.

Honestly, I'm thinking the far more innocent, 'fell in love, was enamoured with the older gentleman who was mature and amazing and great and generous' part followed by a trip back to her home that she wanted to share with her stepdaughter, got home, realized she done made a mistake, freaked out, didn't know how to tell soon-to-be ex-hubby that she missed her home and family and friends and how everyone in Russia gets it and she's not the weird foreigner, panicked more, dropped the kid at the airport honestly believing the kid would make her flights just fine and accidentally scarred the kid for life, realized she done messed up even more and realized she was in Russia and it makes it really easy to hide and send divorce papers later.

I see a series of panic-inducing moments from an immature person. Nothing to see here, folks. Just a really long run-on sentence and a series of bad life choices.

Im surprised not a lot of people are suggesting this. There are lot of people who will marry someone just to get a Green Card. She was on a visa, got her GC within 3 years. Now she is out and still has her whole life ahead of her.

So your wife i'm sure got her green card based on your marriage right? I think there's certain stipulations that come into play here and she can lose her green card. What she did is insane. Your daughter could have gotten kidnapped and sex trafficked! IT'S RUSSIA. I'm from Poland, i have friends from Ukraine and Russia, they all say the same thing!!! A 14 year old alone at the airport and maybe doesn't speak the language. Nobody would even know she was missing for awhile! IT WAS INSANE WHAT SHE DID.

I lived in Russia and am from Poland... you are out of your damn mind. It's Russia, St. Petersburg... not Somalia. It is a perfectly safe and normal place. The Russophobia of some people on this thread is out of this world.

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It's 10000x more likely that this 24 year old girl has just done what many young 20-something women do... ghost.

Hell, I was almost trafficked INTO mainland Europe when I was 14, and I would consider myself a pretty clued up kid. None of the grooming tactics worked on me, but god damn they still managed to get me into a car and all the way to the English Channel. Obviously it's a completely different situation but, given the circumstances, this girl is fucking lucky - and I envy the naivety of anyone who doubts the immediate and serious danger she was unnecessarily put in by an adult woman who, at best was stupid and negligent, at worse callous and ignorant.

However, major ugh for OP getting into a relationship with an 18 year old and marrying her at 21. I sigh at people of a similar age doing that, whereas if one partner is significantly older it is downright creepy and shows a lack of good judgement. This post has shown that OP also has other issues that need to be addressed.

It's a long story with a lot of gaps, and it's not just my story. Essentially it was an Albanian gang known to us previously who saw a chance and took it (I think, honestly I have no idea what goes on in the heads of people like that).

You got that right. I'm not going to lie, I shit a few bricks when I landed in Shanghai and was greeted with a deserted terminal. I was in China to meet my wife's family, and I only spoke a few words of Chinese. I was a 6'00"/190 lbs man of 40 years then. I can only imagine what that experience would be like for a 14 year old girl.

Eh. Granted I’ve only lived in Ukraine until 13. But my wife lived there until her 20s. She says it’s likely not like he/she describes.

But if the 14 year old who spoke no Russian was attractive and was obviously lost and distraught at an airport terminal it wouldn’t be that difficult for someone to pretend to help her and get her away and into a car. She’d be easy prey. Hell it could even happen in US I’m sure.

Point is. She’s a 14 year old in a 2nd world foreign country, alone and doesn’t speak the language (I’m assuming here). Chances are high something could happen. You just don’t do that.

Maybe. Moscow for sure because of the capital centric nature of the country. Not sure about others. Bigger cities maybe for tourists and the wealthier class too. But not for average citizens imo. But I’m comparing Russia to Ukraine and its not fair. Russia is definitely on another level. In my city of 300,000, until recently they sill shut the lights off to everyone between 6-8 or 7-9 I forgot already. Maybe even more. No argument from me. My information is not scientific to any degree.

Eh indeed. Equating Russia with Ukraine is as nonsensical as equating the US to the UK.

St Petersburg is a rich city by Russian standards. Crime is low, and moving around at daylight is as safe as it would be in any other major city in the US or Europe. This is according to the 2018 OSAC report on crime and safety in St Petersburg.

My mother lived there for 4 years and I stayed with her for some of that period. I walked around alone everywhere, safely. I was perfctly safe, as long as I took the same precautions in the city as I would in any other larger city.

The xenophobia being expressed in this thread is pretty disgusting. I am in no way defending what OP's wife did, leaving a 14 year old on her own like that, but to claim St Petersburg is somehow a hotbed for crime and carries a particular high risk of getting kidnapped, is just simply not true.

Eh. I felt very safe in Mexico City each time I was living there, so it doesn’t mean anything. (my ex was Mexican. We visited each year. When she got sick. We stayed there for awhile between my jobs) but it still has a stupid high kidnapping rate. And according to my brothers in law and father in law it’s better not to go outside after dark except in city center.

Human trafficking of a minor who doesn’t speak English can happen here and can happen there. But it’s more likely to happen where she knows nobody and doesn’t speak the language. Leaving her at an airport. Someone who pay attention can see that she’s alone. Approach her under guise of helping. And she may follow. Someone like that would make a great target. So he’s not wrong in that.

Yeah wtf is going on in this thread that a 14 year old is a baby who can't find a gate in an airport but an 18 year old is apparently grown up enough enter a long term relationship in a foreign country with a guy twice her age?

Fun story, I visited Poland a few years ago. I am an able man adult man. Several coworkers advised me to "be safe", etc...I was going to Warsaw. People really think that Poland is like Libya or some shit.

I'm not saying she's going to get kidnapped ala Taken. But she doesn't speak the language, it's not that hard to get her to trust someone at 14 and let her to follow you. It was really wrong of her to do this. And dangerous.

Hey I’m from Ukraine. I speak Ukrainian, Russian, Polish, English and Bulgarian. I am married to a Ukrainian who speaks all of those minus polish but also speaks Spanish. We both live I Chicago. Me from ‘95, her from 2008. What’s your point?

Practically everyone in Poland under 40 speaks their native tongue and English. And it isn't uncommon at all for people to adopt a third. Furthermore, in Poland/Europe they don't learn English the way Americans "learn" Spanish. It is amazing that people in the states can take classes in a language for several years and literally not be able to speak it at all...But yeah keep that in mind before thinking that the set of circumstances you described seems in any way improbable. It isn't.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether this was St. Petersburg or Miami or Chicago or Oslo or anywhere...any 14 year old girl left alone in an airport is at risk. Human trafficking at airports is a very, very real problem, and I can’t imagine it’s less risky to be at a large international airport where you don’t speak the primary language. You’d be confused, lost, scared...I can’t imagine that doesn’t make for a prime target.

So many comments like this on this post, do people really think a St, Petersburg international airport is full of people just waiting to snatch up lost kids?

"IT'S RUSSIA"

What does that even mean? It seems like you watch too much anti-russian propoganda, well from the comments on this thread a big ammount of people are victims of it.

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Yeah, she's 14, in a foreign country left to fend of for herself, but she's already at an airport, an international one, every customer service person there 100 per cent speaks english, it's not like she was left on the outskirts of the city or smth.

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Don't get me wrong, what the "wife" did is unforgivable, but most of the people here really overexaggerate the danger OP's daugther was in, actually, i'd argue that being left in an international airport is the safest place to be in a city in russia. (police station would be kinda on par, but knowing russian education system, it would be a lot less likely for some policeman to speak english then it is for airport workers)

That’s not how green cards work. The person who sponsored you can’t just “revoke” it. Although I doubt she was sponsored in this case considering she first came her on student visa and then (based on what OP said) probably got the green card via fiancé visa. However, if she doesn’t return to the US, spending more than 6 months outside of the country, she may very well lose the green card.

A 24 year old who was scooped up fresh from Russia by a 32 year old man at 18, married at 21, given a stepdaughter 10 years younger, and was separated from her family for 3 years. I see why she ran the first chance she got. She should've at least made sure the 14 year old hot home safely though.

This. OP was abandoned. Empty the accounts, delete authorized users, and file for divorce on grounds of abandonment. Thank GOD she didn’t commit parental kidnapping on top of all this. I spent the whole post thinking she was going to take the kid, too.

Holy shit I was so scared for your daughter reading this, very glad she's okay. The danger she put your kid in is absolutely unforgivable. You should be beyond done because of that. Your daughter could have gotten lost or been a human trafficking victim. Cut off your wife.

OP is also at fault. I dgaf what the circumstances are, my kids not traveling to a foreign country without me with her (as long as she’s a minor). I don’t even think I’d trust my mom and dad to accompany her, I’d just have to be there. So reckless.

I feel bad that this child apparently has some really shitty adult decision makers in her life. One can only hope the biological mom had some half way competent genetics to pass on so she can survive her moronic father’s remaining full-custody. Just awful choices all around here.

My gf is russian and I've dated a few russians along the years, so I know most clichés are totally wrong (especially in St Petersburg, where people are probably much more refined and educated than the average American). However, given the age gap and the setup of your meeting, you had some shit coming since day one. It's really a shame your daughter got involved in that mess. I hope she'll be all right.

Glad his daughter is going to be okay, but this guy is an ahole & creep.

His wife came to the US for an education & college experience.

He robbed her of the college experience -- no way she's building normal friendships when she's dating a 32yo.He robbed her of having independent career ambitions -- by marrying her before she even graduated, he limited her to staying in the college town.. and taking care of a teenage to boot.

He's kept her away from family -- that one isn't really his fault, but he's got to realize how lonely it is for young females with family half-way around the world.

Worst case is the wife is also an a-hole, best case is she panicked realizing her life choices were wrong, and didn't know what to do except drop the kid off at the airport and assume the kid would find the gate on her own.

Drain your bank accounts before she has the chance to, cancel credit cards, and make sure your daughter gets home safe. It's extremely unacceptable to expect a 14 year old to travel from Russia to the US! What kind of person is she where she thought that just by dropping her off at the airport she would be able to figure it out!? She put your daughter in DANGER, in a foreign country!

You're right - the lack of responsibility and carelessness is mind blowing. But she is going to do what she is going to do. You knew that she never planned to stay in the states to begin with, and knowing that you married her. This was always a possibility, somewhere in the back of your mind you knew that.

If OP empties out the bank accounts and cancels all joint credit cards and then files for divorce, it will not go well for him. This is really, seriously bad advice. If he wants any kind of favorable judgment in a divorce, he needs to leave that money alone.

I am not defending his wife's actions (though I can't help but question if the fact that she's twenty-four and in a relationship with a forty year old man might have something to do with why she clearly felt trapped and booked it the first chance she got tbh - regardless, leaving his daughter alone like that was terrible and incredibly dangerous), but acknowledging how these things work. Men who try to leave their soon-to-be-ex wives impoverished before a divorce are looked on very, very badly by judges.

That doesn't matter, because in a divorce she is entitled to half of the marital assets. It would be so, so easy for this to go badly for him - it would look to the judge like his wife went to visit family on vacation and OP decided now was the perfect time to divorce her and try to take all of the assets including what is rightfully hers. That's not the image you want to present to a judge responsible for the equitable division of your assets with your soon-to-be-ex wife.

As many people in this thread have pointed out, holy shit man, she was 18 when you were 32. That is some predatory shit right there, and you married her when she was just 21 and gave her a step daughter that could easily be her sister.

She probably realized just how fucked up her situation was and took going home as her only way to safely reset her life. Though she did it in a totally childish and irresponsible way (almost like she is still a young adult without the life experience to make these kinds of choices)

Okay... Honestly... What the fuck is wrong with you. You're 38 dating a 24-year-old???

I'm 30 and wouldn't in my dreams consider dating a 24-year-old. You married her. You clearly make stupid choices. You're almost 40 dating a girl in her early 20s. You have a lot of self-reflecting to do.

There's more to people than their appearance. There's literally no other way you'd date her if she wasn't smoking hot and 24.

I'm 30 and wouldn't in my dreams consider dating a 24-year-old. You married here. You clearly make stupid choices. You're almost 40 dating a girl in her early 20s. You have a lot of self-reflecting to do.

There's more to people than there appearance. There's literally no other way you'd date her if she wasn't smoking hot and 24.

Brother in law 32 marrying his fiance 21 next month. He started dating her , her freshmen year. He was her cheerleading coach. He also started dating her right 'after' he left his previous same age fiance at the alter the day before the v wedding.

Okay, let's assume that's correct (and I'm the father of three children, two of them being daughters) - there is no fucking way in hell I would let them go to RUSSIA without me. Ever. I don't care the reason. It simply wouldn't happen. I'm either coming with or it doesn't happen.

I was thinking this as well. OP presumably trusted his wife like...well, a wife. Tons of teens get excited by travelling, and it's possible OP couldn't go due to work issues or some such and so let his daughter go with his wife.

That's not to say this is 100% true, but I can see how it could happen. As far as I'm concerned, as long as it's not negatively impacting anybody it doesn't hurt to treat these as real anyway with regards to giving advice on how to solve it.

Expecting your daughter and wife home and not checking your phone for a 15 hour time span, including going to sleep, waking up, driving to the airport, and waiting for the plane to arrive?? Not buying it.

I don’t know why you are being downvoted so hard. I’m in total agreement with you. I find it very odd that he was without contact with his daughter for so long on the day she was flying home from ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY!!!

When My adult kid flies 6 hours to see me I’m making sure he left the house on time, arrived at airport, texts me during layovers and when he’s taxi-ing to the gate. Plus I’ve checked his flight status 3 times.

r/thathappened material for sure.
Who doesn’t check there phone for that long? Before they go to bed? When they wake up? Check google maps for traffic on the way to the airport? No way he doesn’t see messages from his daughter. Whatsapp does voice calls to btw.

38 with a 24 year old Russian wife. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Get someone your age. Btw, wife of 3 years? So marrying at 21 with a 35 year old? That’s some creepy bs, and way too young to get married anyway. Rule of thumb - if you have kids, never marry someone not old enough to have been their parent (so at least 18 + oldest kids age)

Men, don't marry a foreign 21 year old if you're 35 with a kid. They might not understand what being a stepmother is, only what it's like to fuck a much older man who's their ticket to a green card.

Women, don't marry a 35 year old single father if you're 21. There's a reason they want to marry you and it's not because of your maturity or maternal instincts. Let the sex be good and the dating be casual.

Children, if your dad married a 21 year old Russian girl and 3 years later, when she finally graduates college, she wants to go back home? For fucks sake, just stay at home.

Lots of responses, very little compassion in any. First, worry about getting your daughter home and it sounds like that is well in process. If you want to for sure end the relationship, then yes fully cut off the cards and go adjust the money in the bank as much as you can. If you fully cut her off from the money that is legally 1/2 hers, she likely won't take it well. If you dont want to fully cut off hope for reconciliation, then you lower the CC limit on whatever card she has just to limit risk. Either way, document the current amount in the account and exactly what you are doing.

Any of a couple things happened. (1) the relationship isn't as happy as you thought and she realized once she got home it was a chance to sever the ties. (2) She is badly homesick and getting home made her realize that. I find it difficult to believe that if she pre-planned to just stay there, she would have pushed to let you bring your daughter. Why would she want the complication and hassle of it all? Were you hesitant at all to send her on the trip before she brought up bringing your daughter? (as in that convinced you to allow the trip to go forward)

Did she pack all her favorite things? or things that would not make sense for just a short visit?? Have you talked to any of her friends here to see what they know? You said she 'told you off' but didnt really indicate what the conversation was... was it about your marriage or just you yelling at her for leaving your daughter at the airport or what?

Is no body going to point out that the wife may be in danger? She may be held by someone especially if this is out of the ordinary for her behavior. And what’s even more alarming is that the mother doesn’t know what going on but the wife was saying that she wanted more time with family.

I’m not saying that that’s a for sure thing but imagine if you were getting kidnapped and had your child I’m sure you’d try every thing in your power to try and get your captor to let your child go right?

RIGHT? He doesn't actually care about his wife at all! He was even resentful about taking a day off work to go pick them up! He didn't even look at his messages after both his wife and daughter didn't answer the night before! He claims they were extremely happy, but it seems like he hasn't been paying attention to her needs AT ALL. Even if she's not in danger, I'm sure there's a lot of pieces to this puzzle OP is leaving out.

That was shitty of her to endanger your daughter but your decision making and vagueness are almost as questionable, if not equally or more so.

​

"This is NOT a mail order bride scenario or anything of the sort"

Cool, it still sounds like the marriage was purely circumstantial and devoid of love, which isn't much better.

​

Frankly I don't even think your post belongs here, because based on what YOU have said, I don't believe that you have a relationship to save.

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Why always you?

Probably because of dumb decisions like marrying a teenager when you're a middle aged man.

​

What the hell are you supposed to do?

Accept, be grateful your daughter is safe, and take a hard look at yourself. Maybe don't creep on someone barely older than your daughter and expect her to have the wisdom of someone who has lived a thousand lifetimes.

Like many men who marry much younger women, I'm sure you thought she was unusually mature for her age. Maybe she was. But what you are learning is that she is, in fact, 24. Like most 24 year olds, she has a lot of conflicting feelings about what she wants and who she is. She got married way too young, as your current experience makes stunningly clear. NOt knowing what she wanted, and getting way in over her head getting married to a foreign older man doesn't make her a terrible person. It just means she made a mistake, one that hurt both of you (the mistake being getting married too young).

What makes your wife a bad person was abandoning your daughter in the airport and refusing to communicate with you. You need to divorce her for her good, your good and your daughter's good. It's sad. I'm sure she's beautiful and full of life and very smart since she made it from RUssia to the US for school. Take some time to mourn this loss. You're losing your marriage and also losing the person you're married to (because the person you thought you married is not who your wife is - as you have just discovered). Don't negotiate, don't try to patch it up. It won't work, there will never be real trust again.

OP, I'm extremely sorry for your situation. It must have been a very dangerous and scary scenario for your teenage daughter but I'm glad she's now returning home safely.

I can't be of any legal help on your situation, but let me be very frank with you. You married a very young woman. Perhaps there was lots of love and passion for you both to decode marrying, perhaps she's very mature. However, I can't shake the feeling off that her being in a foreign country while most of her family was still at Russia made her very emotionally dependent on you to not feel alone in the US. However, I would say a lot of people change drastically from late teens-early 20s to mid 20s and above. Once she found herself back at home with her family... She probably realized how much she actually missed it, how she feels a bit alone in the US... And she panicked and over reacted by taking these hard decisions that endangered your daughter. It could very likely mean that she won't return to you, which would be very understandable. You must open your eyes a bit to consider why she's doing this...and act accordingly. A divorce could very well be in proximity as the best course of action. Can't speak on your behalf, but if she risked your daughter on her pursuit of personal happiness, then she could very likely due it again. That would be something very difficult to forgive and just go back to a relationship afterwards.

Since your wife abandoned your daughter at the airport and because your mother in law hasn't seen or heard from your wife, I would immediately assume that your wife has met a man in Russia and he is the reason she wants to stay in Russia.

I never ever comment, but I had a similar age difference, but we meet when I was 22 and he 35. My god I was naive and inexperienced, J was also raised in another country and came to Merica at 17 years old. Everything was foreign to me, the customs etc... so I latched on to the guy because it felt safe etc... cannot imagine meeting him at 18 and newly arrived, and realizing at 24 how easily he could manipulate me. I am sorry but that girl was not given a chance, she was way too young and new in a foreign country. Lets just say I was very mature for my age and we still had a lot of issues because of backgrounds and him being older and undermining me and my feelings, because what could I know? And I believed him because I was young. Best of luck.

Man I thought I was weird for having relationships with girls 4 years younger than me usually. I can't believe you married someone so much younger than you who you even KNEW didn't plan on staying here and you already have a 14 year old daughter. I'm guessing OP has a lot of issues to work on.

It's all fun and games having a hot, young, wife but she's 24 dude. She's closer in age with your daughter than she is with you. She's in a foreign country and never got to go home until now. Her actions are absolutely despicable but also a little bit understandable... I'm so sorry for this happening to you but he immaturity speaks volumes here. You're almost 40. You really need someone who is emotionally secure, especially as you have a child involved..

I'm from the former Soviet Union, perhaps I can throw my two cents in. Some people will always value their heritage and their family more than anything else. They think that they can be cosmopolitan but they are not. So, they go overseas for a better life, start families and realize that they can't cut it. I am sorry that you fell victim to this. Your wife is not a liar, she simply bit more than she could chew.

Getting an annulment is a great idea, but she didn't really use him for a green card. She was here on a legal student visa and, when they agreed to marry, got a green card, which will now be canceled immediately upon divorce or if she stays out of the country for multiple months. He also said she just recently finished her degree before she left so she really only stayed as long as she would have been able to on the student visa. The k1 (fiance/spousal) visa and green card application processes though take a ton of time and thousands of dollars though, so it's a waste in that sense. Not trying to be rude, just inform. Great advice in your comment regardless! :)

Source: husband has green card based on k1 visa, know a lot of people here on student visa.

Great job, you married someone closer in age and mental abilities to your daughter than to you, and then you are surprised that she isn't mature and responsible. Fucking A. I won't be surprised if she doesn't come back at all.

At least your daughter is coming back. I have 2 seperate friends that have had to go to Russia, hire their own police and track their kid down. Legally, there's not much you can do to get your wife back.

Are you sure this wasnt the wife's plan all along? 3 years is the usual amount of time you need after marriage to sort your papers out to be able to travel freely. You married someone when they were only a few years older than your daughter and are expecting adult maturity?

My coworker had 3 children with his wife (she was from another country and had moved here to be with him) and one of their sons tragically died at a young age. The wife went to "visit" her family in her home country and just never came back. Left him with the two children. It really messed him up for a while and it messed up the kids.

​

I would assume that your wife is not going to come back. Who knows what her family is telling her to do. It sounds like she almost wants to start over and is able to do so by moving back.

I'm not trying to be mean but how in the hell does your daughter not know how to get on a flight? You need to step up here for starters. We start teaching our kids to find their way around airports as soon as they can walk.

Anyway....your wife hasn't seen her family in years. Give her some space...it sounds like she has been terribly homesick and freaked out.

Well, you married a very young and immature woman sounds like. Just because she’s going to school and trying to better herself doesn’t mean she’s not a neurotic mess. I’d be getting a divorce ASAP, you have complete control over that since she won’t even be in the country. At least she’s not trying to take it for all your worth! There’s no coming back from this, and once you get your daughter safely home with you again, I would just work on moving on. And choose more wisely in the future.

Her green card will be canceled automatically once she is out of the States for more than a certain amount of months (I think it's somewhere between 3 and 6?). My husband is here on a green card from Germany and had a K1 (nonimmigrant fiance) visa before that just like OP's wife. Also, as soon as a divorce goes through she would lose it anyway. I don't think she cares about the marriage or staying in the US, she probably missed her home and went back since that was her original plan when she came here as a student in the first place. She was horribly immature about it and obviously shouldn't have abandoned her step daughter at the airport, but it doesn't seem to have anything to do with wanting to have access to the american immigration system.

She's more like a sister than a mother to the daughter. The wife has no bond with the daughter since they're both kids and she was leagues away from being ready to become a step mother. Why OP married her, after having met her at 18 to his 32 is on him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Seriously, fuck you. This is all on you and it's not at all surprising that your wife wants to leave you. You went radio silent for 15 hours. You sound like an insane control freak (and Jesus Christ how awful your ex must be if she lost custody to you.) Someone needs to call CPS on your ass.

Hard facts here: You might not think of this as a "mail order bride" relationship, but that's exactly what it is. A 32 year old guy meeting an 18 year old Russian woman on a study visa? There's no love here, you were her ticket to staying in the US. Her plan was to stay married to you long enough to become a citizen. But she figured out that in fact, she doesn't want to become a citizen, she wants to move back to Russia.

>What the hell am I supposed to even do with this?

Find a divorce lawyer. Be happy you didn't have kids with her. Be thankful your daughter is OK and on the way back.

Husband of a wife(also met in the US during grad school) who was not mail order and prefers her country of origin a lot more than is comfortable.

The subtle cultural differences are real. The need to go home, especially after extended time away is real. I can’t stress to you how difficult and how very different this is for her and her family. She knows it’s likely to be years before she can come back, she’s likely meeting cousins/nieces/nephews who weren’t even born the last time she was home. People she remembers as vital and young are now old and gray. She’s seeing that and experiencing it in a visceral way, knowing that some of them will die, get cancer, have strokes. It’s pretty overwhelming especially when she never really intended to stay in the US.

Apologize for blowing up. Tell her you’ll be there when she’s ready to come home and seek family counseling the moment she does come home.

You are justifiably angry but having this fight long distance over apps isn’t helping. Make peace and then get ready for hard work when she gets back.

This is a very good point. A lot happens in 3 years. I stayed in Germany for 2 years and, while I was there and couldn't afford to take a trip back to the states, my mom had a major surgery and I had to have a surgery as well and missing those big things that you want to support your family for or going through those things without your family is extremely difficult, especially when you are so young. Birthdays and holidays are also very painful to spend without family, not to mention getting used to holidays you liked before suddenly not being celebrated by anyone else (for me, thanksgiving/fourth of july). I was lucky enough to have my husband (then, boyfriend) who I had met before I moved. I fully intended to stay in Germany forever and was crazy homesick. I can see how she could end up wanting to stay in Russia for good after going back, especially if she never wanted to live in America permanently to begin with like OP said. Not to mention, how hard going through those kind of things would be without any support systems in the states, she might have gotten into a relationship with him at such a young age when he was so much older because she was so vulnerable and she had no else. Even if you are fluent or mostly fluent in the language of the country you move to, not having anyone to speak with in your original language can be really hard, not to mention having a spouse and child that don't speak your original language or, presumably, know much about your culture would be very alienating.

The age difference speaks volumes. Basically she’s a child who is irresponsible and selfish. I’m sorry but you should’ve expected this. Either way, she abandoned you and put your daughter in extreme danger. File for divorce.

You are certainly justified in your anger! I don't know if I have any advice for you about your marriage, other than to stay calm and not doing anything rash that might come back to bite you. But please be careful with your daughter. 14 year olds can be very emotional on a good day but after a traumatic long day at the airport and almost two days or traveling she's going to be a wreck. Please just take her home, feed her and let her have a rest before you question her about what she saw on the trip. And don't let your anger at your wife land on your kid.

Also, if your wife has a green card how long can she stay out of the country before she can come back? Isn't she in danger of overstaying her visa and loosing her green card? I hope she's sure about that.

She would be in danger of losing the green card if she wants to stay in Russia for multiple months or longer, and she said she doesn't intend on coming back so that's very likely, but she would lose it if they get divorced anyway. She came on a student visa, but switched to a K1 Fiance/spousal visa and got her green card based on that relationship with OP. If they get divorced, she will lose the card regardless because her permanent residence status is based on her marriage to OP and the Fiance/spouse visa that preempted it. She could talk to USCIS services if the divorce is either not her fault or if she were abused/forced into the relationship and they might help her transition to a work visa if she really wanted to stay but it seems unlikely that she would want that. I think she is just a kid that wants to go home like she originally planned to when she first came over.

The biggest problem here is that you are 38 years old and your wife is 24. I’m sure you don’t want to here this, but when your daughter was born, your wife was ten years old and in the fourth grade. People think age doesn’t matter, but it does. 24 and 38 are completely different stages in life. You were a freshman in high school when your wife was born. Your entire situation boils down to this. If you were 54 and she was 40, ok sure. But you ARE 38. SHE’S 24. She’s a kid compared to you.

Brother, she's young, not sure what else to say. She definitely does not have the right mindset and responsibility to care for another person other than herself is what it sounds like. It's unfortunate but glad that you and your daughter was assisted by US Consulate--Russia is not a place to be lost in as a child.

If it were me, I would be taking a long, hard look at what the future might be with her...because she does not seem apologetic at all of her childish actions.

Hi again sir, I have sent you a comment yesterday, but I really feel that I need to advice/warn you again.

Move on with your lovely baby, there is more in life that you will miss trying to fix this relation, your girlfriend she dont deserve you and she has issues. . you will find another 10 ladies that are much prettier and sexier, and they would recover your emotions and will stand beside you to build the life together. Focus on your daughter now the same way I did, your daughter is more important now and she deserves all the time now.

You married an 18 year old. Jesus christ. I'm trying not to judge but it's impossible. If you're 32 you can bang younger girls, but don't marry an 18 or 21 year old, don't care what you want to say about rust age she finally was, but this shit looks wrong on you. If you'd said you'd banged an 18 year old, I could understand, maybe meet in a club or something, but you were pursuing an 18 year old into marriage, you seem like you were grooming a child.

For her to just drop you like that, I told love to read her side of things.

Your wife is severely homesick. She may not have even realized just how homesick she was until she got there and spent time with her family.

What she did with your daughter was highly irresponsible. Even if she didnt plan on returning for the time being she should have stayed with her just to ensure she got on the proper flight.

Give yourself and your wife a few days to cool your heads and then reach back out to her.

Explain that you understand and sympathize that she's homesick and wants to spend time with her family but that she handled the situation all wrong. That she should have stayed long enough to insure that daughter borded the correct plane and was safely on her way home.
And that a heads up that she wanted to extend her vacation would have been appreciated.

You must also be prepared for the fact that wife may decide not to come back if this is how shes acting, but hopefully y'all can work things out.

She wants to stay another month? Abandon my daughter at the airport, in a foreign country, where connecting flights are required. Then just leave ger there when she misses the flight. you can stay forever.

She used you for money/support/green card. What do you really think happened to you? A 35 years old dude hooks up with a 20-something years old hot Russian girl - who didn't even planned to stay in the US in the first place. Do you really need me to tell you what she was after?

Wait, when you saw the 60 messages (which you'd been ignoring) from your poor 14-year-old daughter no doubt terrified at being stuck alone in a foreign country, with no way of getting home and being ignored by her dad, your priority is to reach out to... your wife?

When you said you blew up her WhatsApp I thought you meant your daughter in a panic to get hold of her. I was giving you benefit of the doubt until then.

I advise patience. It was poor and irresponsible the way she treated your daughter, but she is clinging to her family. We are talking about a cutural divide, language divide, and a long absence from her homeland. Don't assume she is not coming back. Assume the opposite. She is extending her stay. Wait, work with her, fly to Russia to be with her. Silence the rage and she will likely follow you home.

Omg, the internet is so awful. 24 is NOT A KID. SHE IS AN FREAKING ADULT. SHE ACTED LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO, not because of immaturity, because she is freaking nuts that’s why. There is no rule that says you can’t marry a younger or older person. She will loose her green card if she stays away for too long anyway. So let her. If she stays away for more than 6 month she has to prove that she did not go to stay in her country . It will be hard without OPs help.

Fuck Trump

Good lord, has your wife been accounted for? Could she be in some danger there, or has her family had contact with her since you last communicated with them? If your daughter is home safe then you have far less to worry about, but I'd be very curious if your wife is doing this of her own volition, or if she's in some sort of trouble. Who knows?

Read what you have written. It sounds ridiculous. The "lack of responsibility and carelessness" a young girl from a country and culture you are not familiar with, who you married is "astronomical" to you?

Holy shit. People keep looking at her being 18 when they were first married and that isn't the issue here. The issue is that someone who is 24 years old.. a fully developed adult with full adult responsibility... Left a 14 year old child across the world in a foreign country. Left her vulnerable and alone.. with no way to know how to get home...

The age difference doesn't matter here. The fact that she's only 10 years or whatever older than the daughter doesn't matter. The fact that the husband is like 12 years older than her doesn't matter. Everyone has a different story and people live lives at different paces..

24, when it comes to understanding life and it's responsibilities, it is much closer to the OP than that of someone who just moved up from being a tween a year ago.

Again, users of reddit trying to defend this woman who does some shitty scum bag subhuman level shit rather than calling it as it is. And all the while, all these people commenting about the "creepy" age Gap probably look up some 18 year old college porn and fap to it nightly. Pot and kettle you 3 day old french fry.

This is funny how everyone in this thread is being non-volatile towards the wife who's 24 bloody years old saying she's barely an adult. While I've seen countiess threads on this subreddit itself where a 19 something guy makes a girl pregnant and everyone loses their minds.

There's no excuse for leaving a child alone in a foreign country. Your wife is careless as fuck. But then you chose an almost-not-a-kid as your wife. In this case , a special woman-child.

My mom taught me to always hold my little brother's hands in crowd or public places. I've done that since I was 10 and he was 2.

Leaving a child on an airport is the most retarded careless thing ever.

I've flown through Russian Airports multiple times, and forget Russian I dont even speak english properly. Yet, I've never experienced any issue on any of the airports in Russia. In fact almost everyone I reached out for help was either able to answer back in English or point me to someone who could.

I don't understand why there was such a massive problem to catch a flight once she was dropped off to the airport with tickets, and you needed an official from embassy at the connecting Airport?

This is of course assuming that 14 year old daughter is like any other normal 14 year old , without any medical assistance required on the way.

Well if she comes back soon then counseling for sure unless this is a deal breaker for you. But if she’s really gone for a month with no contact then I’d say divorce, also your daughter could’ve been kidnapped in a foreign country and your wife is 100% at fault for that so keep that in mind.

Edit: It just hit me that she’s the step-mother, divorce her immediately and skip counseling she’s a danger to your family.

Tbh she probably had some dude back home waiting for her. If her family is unaware of her whereabouts and she's being distant, it's a possibility. I've heard of people visiting family on the other side of the US, hook up with an old fling while visiting and end up staying and never coming home.

I feel bad for you glad your daughter is ok but you married a child. She was what 21/22 in college your daughter at the time was 12 they're only 10 years apart. All of a sudden she had an instant family. Her leaving your daughter is wrong but the brain isnt even fully developed until age 25 she probably felt trapped. The best thing you can do is leave her be and give her space. She may never come back.

She didn't though. He said she has a green card. If she leaves the States for more than a certain number of months (i believe it's somewhere between 3 and 6?), she automatically loses her permanent resident status and the green card. My husband is currently on a green card and had a k1 visa before that. It sounds like she was homesick and doesn't want to come back. She obviously should have made sure the daughter got to her flight safely (that's unforgiveable) but being away from your family, home country, and culture is extremely difficult emotionally and, being so young, she probably realized once she got back to Russia that she missed her family and country more than she thought. It sounds like her original plan was only to stay in the US on a student visa at first anyway.

You started dating an 18 year old when you were 30s and now a bunch of years later you’re surprised that you’re 11 years younger wife acted immaturely or acted in impulse?

There’s a reason dating someone your own age is the norm. 18 year olds aren’t supposed to be thrown into a relationship with 30 year old men with kids and expected to become a mom when their still a kid.

While what happened to your daughter was atrocious I think this is better for all parties involved. It sounds like your wife never truly wanted to move permanently to the U.S and I can't possibly imagine what motivated you to date a teenager when you yourself were that old and divorced with a child closer in age to your spouse than your spouse is to you. If your wife was willing to just stay in Russia, no warning, she obviously wasn't invested in the marriage and you do deserve a partner who loves you/wants to be with you, and I think she deserves to pursue the life path she wants as well. Her way of going about it, though, was shitty and I hope your daughter wasn't too distressed by the experience.

I would remove her access to any of your personal financial accounts, while leaving how much ever money is her money in joint accounts. Freeze your credit so someone can't open a new account in your name.

Get a good divorce lawyer ASAP. You may also want someone with immigration law expertise, depending on how long she has had her green card, and whether it was conditional on your marriage, you may get some additional scrutiny from the government.

As a guy with a wife from the Ukraine... I always worry about this exact thing. My wife talks to her mom and sister literally everyday. She misses them alot, I don't think she'd ever stay permanently but I could see her trying to go over for an extended stay. I don't know, I think you should give her a little space (which is bullshit because she really doesn't deserve it considering the irresponsibility especially with your daughter), don't call her, don't reach out in anyway. Let her get what she wants, wait for her to contact you and see if you get the apology and explanation you deserve.

If you don't, cut her loose. It sounds like she possesses a volatility that is going to cost you in the long run.

Maybe dont marry a child. What is wrong with you? There is no way someone that young is ready to make life decisions to be away from their family forever. You took advantage of a young innocent person. I hope your daughter gets home safe. And that her mother gets full custody from you

You got with her when she was 18 and married at 21 after abandoning her homeland. She was barely at the age of consent and dove straight into marriage and parenthood in a foreign country. Your wife is closer to your daughter in age than you are to your wife. She was probably trying to get away from you after realizing what a mess she's found herself in and thought a 14 yr old could handle navigating an airport on her own. If anything, I feel like you left out a lot of details as to why your wife hasn't been back home in 3 years... Either way, your marriage is done. My only advise: Try not to rob another cradle.

sounds like she met someone or met an old flame and wanted to spend time. i wonder if it may be someone that she always thought she'd come back to but didn't once she met you, and now the chance reared its head again (eg maybe he was even involved with someone else at the time that she was in russia doing the wedding things with you).

i say this because there are very few reasons someone will make fast decisions like this without informing you. heck, even if she told you, she wanted to stay another month to be there for her brother's birthday, that would have even been reasonable to have let you know.

but as it is, there is not much reason to expect that she is just doing this because of her own self. there is probably someone else.

Bro she was 21 and you were 35 when you got married obviously there was going to be differences in the way you two thought. You were ready for a family while she was still figuring out being an adult so it was obvious there was a maturity difference since the start

I wouldn’t want her back. There’s no forgiving this... your daughter could be in a brothel in Moldova by now. The reason her mom has t seen her is the same reason she wants to stay.... she’s fucking the old boyfriend. It’s time cut her off financially and file for D.

Could you even continue to be with someone that left your 14 year old daughter at an airport in an unknown country where your daughter doesn't speak the language and doesn't care that your daughter couldn't get home? Even if she did return, would you even be able to look her in the eye?

Cut your losses, divorce her, get an attorney and make sure that any of your accounts she has access to are frozen until further notice.

I'm not saying: block all her cards and leave her without funds yada yada yada, but it's well within your rights to freeze any of your own accounts she has access to. And well, if she doesn't have her own account and card in her name then that sucks for her. You can legally freeze any account that's in your name solely that she might have access to, but I doubt you could deny her access to joined accounts that also have her name on it.

Also, report this to the police. Your wife just neglected and abandoned a child that could've easily fallen victim to human trafficking or other terrible things. If you were granted custody by the court and they hear about this you might come under fire and could potentially lose custody, since you're your daughter's caretaker.

Most important of all: seek legal advice. This could turn nasty if or when your wife returns

Yeah, alone in a foreign country, not knowing anyone or the language, your girl could have easily ended up in a very bad situation. Like sex slave, or trafficked for other reasons. If not just robbed, beaten or raped.

If you have joint accounts, move every cent out at the same time. Joint credit cards should be cancelled. Put a credit freeze on and see if there is a way to get a divorce without her there.

Change passwords on EVERYTHING (from email, to banks, to Netflix and social media). Set up two factor authentication. Check backup emails on every account and make sure they aren't changed.

I'll be honest, I almost never jump to divorce, but I don't think I'd be able to forgive my spouse for dropping my minor child off at an airport in a country completely foreign to her. Human trafficking is real and your wife put your daughter in real jeopardy here out of pure selfishness. She is an adult and can move back to Russia if she chooses, after she fulfills her obligation to her stepdaughter. She needed to fly back with her and then go back to Russia if that's what she wanted to do. But she's a coward and she's selfish so to avoid having an adult conversation, she dumped a 14 year old girl off to fend for herself. I'm so anxious even thinking about what could go wrong.

If I were you, I'd be thankful for the space right now. I wouldn't be able to be rational having a conversation with a person who just did that to my child. She doesn't seem to be remorseful either, and that would be the nail in the coffin, for me. I'm so glad your daughter is safe, OP.

Each country has itls own (usualy arcane) reules abut situations like these. It's unknown if Russia and the USA even have any type of reciprocity on domestic or family matters like these. So, you need to get legal CYA now. This should be easier since the child is an American citizen, and your marriage is licensed in the USA.

Your att'y needs to send some type of letter informing her of your plan to obtain sole custody and then you'd do well to cut off all the finances, like credit cars, bank accts. etc. Some therapy for the child to help her understand this is in order too.

I dont think I could trust someone ever again after that. Leaving your child alone in a very confusing situation in a foreign country? Thats insane. If she wanted to stay longer she should have just told you that and then she should have made sure your daughter was safely home. She was responsible for your daughter. Shes her step mother. And that showed she didn't care for her safety at all. What if someone had taken her. Or she got hurt. Spend some quality time with your daughter and stew over how you feel after that. For me personally that would be a deal breaker for me if my husband did that to my daughter (his step daughter).

If she wasn’t socialize in US, no friends, no hobby and etc. Coming home and meet all her friends and family could be a huge, but temporary relief for her. Everyone happy to see her, she meets her friends probably on daily basis, going out with them, her mom and dad are happy to see her, cooking something every day to please her. So of course she’s happy there. But after a while it will all become a routine. Friends have their own life, parents will get used to her and probably start asking her about her plans, work and etc. And she will understand what a huge mistake she made. It’s like vacation, everything perfect while you swim in the sea, eating fruits all day and do nothing, life is great. But responsibilities are waiting.
But leaving your daughter like that is a cunt move tho. Glad everything is ok with her

Are you sure it’s her family that she misses? If her Mom can’t even contact her and she just abandoned your guys kid at the airport like that. Sounds more to me like it ain’t family she misses one bit.

Wow this is the most insane thing! Who the fuck would leave a child in a random airport in fucking Russia and expect them to get home on their own?! If my SO ever did something that like to a child they would no longer be my SO anymore. The carelessness and lack of respect for you and your child is just unbelievable. She left your child in a random country in a random airport! What if somebody took her?! She’s so lucky that didn’t happen. Just wow. Please leave this person. Please. She clearly does not give one shit about you or your daughter to do something that stupid.

Not only did she leave your daughter to fly alone, she did not even make sure that she boarded her plane properly. She didn't stay at the airport until the flight left and she's sure your daughter's on it. And I'm sure your daughter has her number as well right? So when your daughter missed her flight and she couldn't reach you, I'm sure she tried to contact your wife. Obviously, your wife ignored her.

So all in all, divorce her. She put your daughter's life in danger and she didn't give 2 shits about it either.

Wow, definitely a nightmare and so sorry you're going through this. It's great the consulate helped your daughter and she's home safely.
As for your wife:
If you want her to come home after this shenanigan give her time. How much time is up to you. Missing her family and being caught up in old times will fade. And pretty quickly, I think. Best to you and your daughter.

I'm from a different country, I miss it a lot. So much so that I dream about going back almost every night. I'm an American citizen but I wasn't supposed to stay here long term after college. My story is similar to yours, I met a boy and fell in love and I've been married and living here for over 10 years now. I can tell you one thing, no matter how much I want to go home, I would never do what your wife has done. I'm married to my partner, we make decisions together for the good of our family. What your wife did is incredibly selfish and irresponsible, not to mention how dangerous it is to leave a child to fend for herself in a place where she doesn't speak the language, or any place for that matter. It's unforgivable. There isn't much you can do besides wait for her to either come back or talk to you. If she does anything other than sincerely apologise and grovel I'd suggest you reevaluate if you want to continue this marriage. If she's remorseful, maybe you can work through it if she puts in the effort to control her impulses and improve her communication. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, you deserve better.

OP anybody who could do that to my child and considered herself a mother to the child, could no longer in my life.
I'm happy your daughter is home safely and I hope her feelings aren't to hurt after her experience.
I'm sorry OP but you and your daughter deserve better.

Wow some people are so judgmental. Who cares about the age difference. What she did was so irresponsible. I'm pissed off at her and that girl isn't mine. Sorry OP this has happened to you.
Like others said I would be preparing for the worst possible outcome.

I'd just file for divorce. You can see how to do it online. Clearly she's got no interest in staying with you and she doesn't care about your daughter. Just text her and tell her that and to stay with her parents. The divorce can be finalized without her participation.

Check on your state's websites for instructions. They're usually pretty clear. It'll take a while to dredge through all the paperwork and might be worth paying a lawyer to double check everything before you file them. Though lots of places have family law specialists to help you at the courthouse.

Since she's gone away and you're not relying on her for anything, it'll be easy to cut ties.

Warnings:

Move liquid assets out of accounts that she has access to or revoke her access to all accounts. She could tranfer liquid assets to Russia and you'd never see them again.

Change your locks in case she comes back unannounced. You don't want her sneaking in and stealing things.

Make sure she has no access to your daughter at school and that you specifically exclude her from anything related to your daughter.

Set aside assets she's entitled to in a special account to show good faith if she ever requests them. Anything you transfer to her you should transfer via 3rd party services so she doesn't have any direct access to your accounts.

I’m not advocating the drain your accounts bit. Take HALF or whatever % you can prove is your and get proof from the bank you left the money she deserves in there. That protects you from her saying you stole her money.

As for the rest... that’s insane. I’m sorry. This is going to be a really confusing time. Put your daughter first

The whole situation is a crap shute. Im sincerly sorry you had to go through it all. I can understand how difficult it could be to go visit family and after reconnecting after a period of time, realize how deeply you miss them and may want to stay longer. However she said she wanted to take your daughter and is/was responsible gor her and her wellbeing. The fact that she left her there in a foreign country to navigate her way home is appalling. If she did that im concerned with what else happened during the trip. But on another note the mother in law sounds like an upstounding woman to go out of her way to help the kid when her daughter didnt care enough to do so.

Take the time to understand how you feel about everything. Right now I’m sure you’re upset and will miss your wife. Hold your daughter. Make sure she’s ok and focus on her. Then turn the focus to yourself. Think of everything that just occurred and how it happened and think in your feelings towards the matter.

If she wants to return home in a few days or months, after processing this whole situation calmly how do you feel about that? You’re in control of the situation. If you feel like this is unforgivable that’s a conclusion you need to come up with and take charge of your own life.

Sorry for your troubles but you have what’s important coming home to you.

Sounds like some type of early midlife crisis (called a quarterlife crisis I think). Let her stay there while you have in the back of your mind that she may never come back. Tell her that you are giving her a week to tell you her plan, and a month to come back if she wants to work on your marriage. I'm so glad your daughter will be/or already is home safely.

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I would also consult a lawyer and get everything documented. Get your ducks in a row.

You cannot count on anyone who would leave your daughter in a strange airport / city / country. From this point on do everything you can to protect yourself. Don’t expect her to come back and if she does shut the door in her face.

I don't really have any advice and I'm thankful your daughter is coming back safe.

I don't know what you were thinking marrying a 21 yr old at 35 though. There was no way she was mature enough to be put in the position you put her in and it shows now. Did you do it so she could get citizenship? I see it where I live in the US often enough.

If this were me I'd divorce her. She is immature and irresponsible. She put the most most important person in the world to me in danger. I'd tell her she can stay there and to sign the papers when they get to her. She doesn't have a home to come back to.

This is horrible to hear, what a total lack of responsibility. Great to know that your daughter is going home to someone that's more responsible. I'm not a hundred percent sure but she might not come back because one month might turn into another month and rinse and repeat until she decides so not come back forever. Hope everything works out for you guys.

Sucks op, good thing ur daughter is coming back safe. Your wife prolly reunited with a highschool crush, is obviously immature. Just chalk it up as you had a hot younger girl for a few yrs and I'm sure all ur buddies was jealous you had fun. Now time to find a woman your age and preferably same country as well.

Well. She is 24 with the life she was not planing to have and a child that is not hers.

This does not justify at all the fact that she practically abandoned your 14 yo daughter, when she was fully responsible of her. That is totally unacceptable.

Looks like your wife has already made her decision for the both of you. If you want to save yourself a lot of money and a huge headache, don't fight it and let her stay home and process a divorce. If you guys work things out and she comes back home, it is very possible a similar situation to re-occur.

Good luck and I hope your daughter makes it home safe and she is able to get over this unfortunate incident.

Your marriage is over dude sorry about that you know she’s gonna screw around if she hasn’t already, if you truly love her I can’t imagine anything less than going to Russia and making a romantic gesture, but even than you’d have to accept any mistakes she’s already made and that’s asking a lot,good luck comrade.

Thankfully he is getting his daughter back because Russia has NO EXTRADITION TREATY with the US. So if OP's wife wanted who is a Russian citizen wanted to keep OP's daughter until she was 18 she could and OP couldn't do much about it sadly. Morbid reality is that happens sometimes in custody fights.

So your wife left your daughter at an airport in a foreign country and you are asking us for advice on what to do? Get those divorce papers ready my friend.. this shouldn’t even be a hard decision honestly.

You’ve gotten a lot of solid responses so far, but I just want to add something as an English speaker who has flown in and out of Russia handfuls of times:

You know how airports are very international places and tend to have English signage in addition to the local (and possibly others) language? Yeah...it’s not like that in Russia. Every one I’ve been in there (though only St Petersburg once + trying to remember it) had nothing, and anyone who’s from there should fully expect a 14-year-old English-only speaker to have difficulties finding anything at all there. Just to add to the complete irresponsible carelessness that your wife demonstrated

You need to start getting your finances and everything moved over to your name. Contact a lawyer about divorce and get prepared. Not saying it’s 100%, but if she’s not hanging out with her mum and family then who is she hanging out with.

Dude... honestly you just need to worry about your daughter for a bit. Give your wife some time and yourself some time and then you two talk it out and see where you two are in this. Maybe she's terribly homesick and her family was pressuring her but she wants to come back and be with you...maybe she didn't realize how much she missed home and wants to stay. It sucks OP, for now just focus on your daughter and try to help her through this.

If it were.me, and I'm not a professional, I would wait a day and message her that you guys can work out that she gets to go home once or twice a year. It may be expensive but could save your marriage. The same thing happened to my nephew where she moved up from FL and missed her family terribly. We're from PA so it was 16hrs away. Not nearly as far away. Being away from home like that really affects your mental well being. I'm sure you're being very patient with her under the circumstances.
I wish you luck and pray yas can work it out hun 😀 ill be sending prayers your way!

Question: what do you do? That could play into what’s happening here. Let me explain.

I consulted my mother on this and she believes that if this is bizarre behavior that hasn’t occurred thus far in the relationship, your wife could be in some sort of danger from her government/agencies/etc... (Serbia was mentioned by my step father, not sure what that means, this is very much their forte and not mine).

Because you married someone from Russia, and if she was taken or questioned or whatever, they probably want to use her for their means (again not super sure what this means).

This theory hinges on what you do for work/what you studied. This probably isn’t what happened, and I definitely hope not, but I asked my mom what she thought and this is what she told me.

Edit: this theory is also based on the fact that her mom hasn’t seen her in hours (maybe she went to a bar?) and not knowing what you guys discussed in your argument.

She’s young and does not want the responsibility of a marriage and a child (not saying it’s good or bad) and this is her way of telling you that. End it. You cannot count on this person and she clearly does not care for YOUR daughter

Glad to know your child is coming home safe. Saddened to hear you have to get blind sided like this. I think the best course of action would be to try and sympathize with her and give her a little time.

It doesn't sound like shes trying to leave you, has she ever hinted that she may not be happy in your guys' marriage? If not I'd just chalk it up as to a spur of the moment decision because she truly is homesick. give her a few days to let her cool off after your fight and wait till she reaches out to you.

If she doesn't reach out within a week or so I'd probably then reach out myself and discuss where to go from there. Divorce could be a very real possibility in this scenario but hopefully she comes to her senses.

I would like to add to this, as a Russian studies major who’s spent quite a bit of time in Moscow.... Russian airports are fucking terrifying. Especially as a child. Everything is intimidating and foreign and ‘cut throat’. It would be a shitty place to be lost in the best of circumstances, much less as a 14 year old girl who doesn’t speak Russian. Goddammit. That poor girl.

Man, what a terrible story... This is what I would do, as a lot of people said to try to take your money away from the joint account then if try to talk with the Russian embassy in the US and see what you can do to somehow set up a way to find what happened to her and the last thing is to divorce from her.

Sometimes life throw shit into our face... You and your daughter can recover from this, Good luck to both of you.

Green cards through marriage become only truly permanent after a two year probation (might be called differently). Given the chronology of the story, it sounds she got this probation removed at most a year ago. Call me a cynic, but she may have been after permanent residency only and now is just catching up with family, and will be back in the US soon, living life untangled.

This isn’t so much advice on your marriage but please please take your daughter to counseling when she returns. I cannot even fathom the possible trauma this young woman may have experienced.
I’m truly at a loss for words in regards to your wife’s carelessness and lack of compassion. I only hope you and your daughter are able to move on from this in a positive way.

Dude, this is relationship advice. A person could say "my wife and I have been married for 40 years, but she just told me that she kissed another man after our first date, over 45 years ago", and this sub will tell them to divorce the person.

Being abandoned by someone you trust in a foreign country where you don't speak the language and then having to get home somehow is not fun. Especially if she had been frantically texting her Dad and he didn't answer, she might have believed she was abandoned. If she has some form of anxiety, it would be a million times worse. She's fourteen. I'm two years older than her and if this were to happen to me I would have a complete nervous breakdown. Plus, if she's from the US, let's just say Russia doesn't really have the best reputation. If she hasn't done any research, (again, just fourteen, and fourteen year olds aren't exactly the best at verifying information) I can easily see how she would imagine the worse in the situation.

Jesus christ they're retarded. The real trauma comes when mom just disappeared out of the kids life. POOF! gone. no more mom. If thats the case, then yeah there will be trauma and abandonment issues, but not because she was alone in an airport lmao.

No I don’t actually lol I was left on accident when I was young for several hours and developed a severe anxiety disorder as a result. Everyone handles and interprets trauma differently. She was alone. In another country where she doesn’t speak the language. Unable to reach the only person who could help her for over 8 hours & had to make her way through connecting flights in another city/country. Take her to a professional and let them decide if she’s fine. If she’s fine I don’t see what harm it caused???

Yeah I don't think this is like, traumatic. Like the daughter is probably confused and anxious but that is about it. I wouldn't get her a counselor unless she wants one. I think young people can be a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

Weak troll... U r 38, Ur wife is 24 but Ur daughter is 14? So ur wife was 10 when she was born? If she is Ur 2nd wife where the heck is the girl's mother and how did she even allow some random lady to take her out of the fucking country...esp Russia of all places .. by herself.

Where does it say in the story that it is their (as in from the both of them) child? Or where does it say in the story that his wife (24f) is the biological mother of his daughter (14f)? Why does she (24f) has to be his second wife for him (38m) to already have a child?

You have no idea how their family is laid out, they've been a family for AT LEAST 3 years. The daughter and his wife could be extremely close, and likely were close enough for the father to allow her to go on the trip.

The mother could be dead, or out of her life. The mother is irrelevant if her LEGAL GUARDIAN is her father.

he states that he has sole custody of his daughter in the post, so where her bio mom is irrelevant bc she has no legal holding over her. his current wife is his daughters step mother & he stays he was finishing grad school and she was just started undergrad when they met.

My name is Edwin, my X who happened to be a Russian/Ukrainian women did literally the same thing. We were living a great life, a long short story I bought her tickets as a surprise to go visit her family as I was busy with business, she didn't wanna go and leave me alone working but I told her that it's ok.
Her mom and her twin sister and her elder sister all have a hard time accepting their reality and their life, and you can feel the jealousy and negativity from their side very easy...

My wife went there with my little daughter... For a 3 weeks vacation... Texting me every day missing me, and wishing to come back home any moment...

All of a sudden!!!!!! 2 days before the flight back home, she flipped 180 degrees and stopped answering my text and my calls. The flight day she sends me a message saying ( I wanna stay more because my mom misses me a lot ) and since that time she becomes a totally different person and starts to abuse me for money, she even used my daughter for this, I couldn't talk to my daughter at all without sending 1500$ a week!!!!

Bottom line sir, and if you don't listen then FK YOU... Those ladies from that part of the world do this always, they hook a foreign man and try to get something, a child to abuse you for money, or a green card or a citizenship.

I got destroyed emotionally and my heart got broken and my soul got burned because I felt that my only daughter is gone. My daughter who used to run to me every day when I come home and we spent the whole time playing till she goes to bed...

I couldn't live normally for 3 years until I was able to get back my daughter... After that my X called me begging for forgiveness blaming her mom and her family for all that shit,

I divorced her, and won full custody on my daughter and now am living a happy life.

If you don't ha e any kids with this women then your lucky. My advice to you ( don't have any kids, get a divorce and leave ) you will find better women that that will recover you even better.

My wife herself was born there, and came to the US when she was around 18 years old - when we first met. (This is NOT a mail order bride scenario or anything of the sort).

This IS a similar scenario to a mail order bride. The underlying mechanism is the same. With the K1 visa she's a temporary permanent resident and needs to be married for 3 years before she files for a N-400 to apply to become a citizen. She found a guy to marry, stayed with him for 3 years, and now is taking off. She probably already filled out that N-400 paperwork and her use of you is finished.

As a man who plans to marry a young Russian thats scary. But also glad to hear the US embassy stepped up in a major way, its comforting to know.

Personally she probably is just having a moment. Idk her family situation but most people dont really want to live in Russia long term. My gf left when she was 17 and never wants to live there again. But maybe your girls family is well off and so its not so shitty for her there. Id bet its temporary and she will come back around. But theres also the chance she met an old boyfriend or who knows what. Either way good luck, sorry my dude.

People on here are such assholes. You reaching out for advice and people just bringing up obvious shit that is really didn’t need to here at the moment. I’m glad your daughter is coming back safe. That is the most important thing. As for your wife... I dunno man. She seems EXTREMELY immature even for a 24 year old. If I were you, I’d stop contacting her for a few weeks and see what happens.

Omg - I am sorry things with your wife are going roughly- but when I first read this I thought she had KIDNAPPED your daughter.

Thank god daughter got home safe.

24 (21 at the time of the marriage) is awful young- it may be that she wasn’t old enough to commit to living in a different country from her family when she did it - the thing about being young is that you don’t always appreciate the gravity of your choices until time has passed.

This may be a big sign that this relationship may be crumbling. Ditching a teen at an airport in a foreign country is incredibly troubling and I think it has damaged your trust in your wife in a way that may never repair.

There has to be more to this? What mother just ditches their kid at an airport? Like holy shit, also how does a person this bad even score an SO let alone have a child??? Nothing like this has ever happened?

OP fuck all these people blaming you for this for having a younger wife. This is her fault, and preplanned as well. Fuck her. Only your daughter matters. Get a lawyer, divorce, and think twice before marrying next time.

There is a 1000% chance I would divorce someone for leaving my child at an airport in another country or any fucking airport for that matter. Even though SHE wanted to stay there is absolutely no reason she couldn't have waited at the airport until your daughter got on a plane. Especially without having spoken to you first. And for everyone saying she's 24 and so young and what not, she's 24 not 12. That is some stupid shit she pulled.

Do you want to be married to someone you can’t trust? I think this relationship is over. The only good news is that as a 38 y/o male with a job and presumably no addiction issues, you are an extremely hot commodity.