When we were kids one lesson our parents always tried to instill in us was a willingness to share. We had to share toys, bedrooms, TV programs and playmates. And we didn’t like it, usually. The sharing musts we’re talking about shouldn’t invoke a selfish response like that of a child. Instead, a couple who truly desires to grow their marriage in a way that glorifies God should be happy to share all things with their spouse. Let this list inspire you to continue sharing everything with each other.

In this day and age of electronics – cell phones, computers, laptops, ipads, ipods and on-line banking, there is a password for everything. What if something were to happen to you tomorrow? Would your spouse know how to access important accounts? They should be able to, and it’s up to you to make time to go over this information.

But there is another reason to share passwords. Debi and I were talking about this tonight, in fact. For Debi to know my passwords will not guarantee I am trustworthy. If I wanted to hide something behind her back, I could, and she wouldn’t know it. Those who have something to hide can usually figure a way to keep their spouses from finding out. However, if I am easily tempted, but I don’t want to be – sharing all my password information with her helps me battle this temptation. Knowing she has access to everything helps me resist it.

Are you willing to share your passwords with your spouse? If you hesitate in any way, this is all the more reason you should. Even if we are able to deceive our spouse, God is present in every thought we think and with everything we place before our eyes. Be aware that it isn’t your spouse you are hurting the most, but God – the One who willingly sent His Son to die for your sin. I encourage you to repent and open this area up to your spouse. Let there be no secrets! It isn’t easy to be honest about everything, if there are things you’ve been hiding, but God will help you to repent and come clean.

Our Bodies

A healthy marriage is one where the husband and wife willingly share their bodies with each other. There is no holding back when it comes to making love. There are times when Debi or I am too tired after a difficult day. There is a willingness to express intimacy together, but also an understanding of how the other is feeling. To demand sex when one spouse is feeling worn out isn’t love, but selfishness. But on the other hand, to continually deny your spouse sex when you are the only one who can love them in this way, is also wrong. There must be a balance to sharing our bodies. Let love – true love be what guides you.

There are times when we’ve thought we were too tired for sex, yet when we gave in to the other’s desire found a fresh energy to make love together. This is how God helps us in our weakness. Our job is to check our attitudes, motives and heart. If we are honest and open about our struggle with God and with our spouse, then this will become an area that you can work on together, not fight with each other over time and time again. Do you withhold sex for any reason? Do you use it to manipulate or punish? This is going completely against the Scripture which says:

“3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1 Cor. 7

There are those who would take this Scripture and use it in an abusive way. We are not talking about this. We are talking about loving your spouse in an understanding way. If you do not share the same sexual desire, then you must be understanding. Is this kind of love easy? No. But it is possible. God will help you to love your spouse in a way you would never be able to on your own.

Remember the vows you made on your wedding day? We witnessed some tonight, and they are always full of hope for the future. The promises made when the candles are lit and the love songs are playing seem impossible to ignore. Who would want to?

Fast forward to a day when you’ve been mistreated at work or you’ve endured a day full of sick children. Sex is the last thing on your mind, yet these are the moments when you can choose to love your spouse in the way Christ has loved us – He willingly laid down His life for us.

This is a high call to love. Our bodies are not our own – they belong to our spouse. And our passwords are not our own. We share everything if we are truly one flesh.

In what ways are you tempted to hold back? How could your spouse help you change?

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This is post #16 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in October.

7 Responses to Sharing Musts For A Healthy Marriage 3

The passwords/cell phone issue hit home hard. When going through counselling 10 years ago with a cheating husband he refused to give up his passwords, etc. His position to the counsellor was that I should trust him and allow him independance. Her postion was that having already been caught cheating he needed to give me the tools to rebuild my trust. Long story short: he kept the passwords and the mistress but he didn’t keep me.

Wow. We’re so sorry to hear it, but we’re not surprised. We’ve found this can be a key indicator of a spouse’s willingness to change. Sadly, your husband wasn’t willing to change for the better of your marriage.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Maybe it will help others as they face similar challenges in their marriage.
Blessings,
Tom and Debi

Completely agree. Carolina HeartStrings…I have been there. My story turned out differently but it is a hard thing to go through either way. You were completely right to ask for those things. I’ve never understood why someone would think that sharing that information means a “lack” of trust. Not only is it trust building but it creates built in accountability. It says to your spouse, “You can check any thing any time you want because I have nothing to hide.”

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Tom and Debi

Face it, marriage is hard work. But when cultivated daily the fruit produced will satisfy for a lifetime. We're here to help with ideas and encouragement along the way. Having been married 36 years and counting, we share what we've learned with practical tips, Biblical Truths, Date night ideas to help you plow your own vineyard for God's glory.