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It May Sound Nice, but Here's Why You Don't Want a Guy to Put You on a Pedestal

"He worships the ground she walks on" does sound more romantic than "He thinks of her as a wonderful but flawed human being that he likes a normal amount for a couple," I suppose. But in reality, it's not.

New research indicates that when a person feels their partner puts them on a pedestal, it's actually bad for their relationship. In a series of two experiments, psychologists found there's a delicate balance that's better than your partner treating you like a flawless princess made of rainbows and unicorns.

In the first experiment involving 99 couples, couples were asked to sit in the same room and fill out what they thought were questionnaires about their relationship. But half the couples were actually given different questionnaires in which half of them were asked to list 30 objects in their bedroom instead of their partner's valuable qualities. Those asked to list objects would immediately start writing lots of answers, giving their partner the impression that they were heaping praise on them. But when participants believed their partner had been overly enthusiastic about them, they actually put more space between themselves and their other half when asked to sit together after the experiment.

In the second experiment, 89 married couples with an average age of mid-thirties and 153 college students in relationships answered survey questions. The results showed that people were at their happiest "when they believed their partner saw them as slightly better than they saw themselves," but beyond that, if their partner's over-idealized them, it actually made them feel less satisfied and as if their partner didn't really know them.

This makes a ton of sense to me. Getting treated like a princess is probably nice for a while, but eventually we all just want someone to love us despite and even because of our flaws. Heck, even Kate Middleton, a literal princess (or whatever, I know that isn't her actual title) has a husband who pokes fun at her occasionally. And she actually is made of unicorns, I think.

Do you get uncomfortable if a guy puts you on a pedestal? Or do you like feeling he idealizes you?

Photos: IMDB

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Gena KaufmanRelationships writer. Lawyer turned writer who believes that when your love life hands you lemons, you should quit your job, move home, and share your dating mishaps on the Internet.