The elderly Asian man who had caused a lot of confusion at our over-worked
immigration service is due to be deported later this month after failing to
satisfy the INS that he had a valid reason for entering the country.

As we reported, he turned up on a private plane from an unknown departure point
somewhere in east Asia, without any of the necessary documentation, having
neither a passport, nor a visa, nor a platinum credit card to bribe his way
through customs. He has refused to claim asylum, or ask for refugee status,
and speaks only three words of English, repeatedly to all questions -- "Love
and Death." The man is not believed to be a Woody Allen fan, and the problem
has baffled some of our finest government minds. As a result, the man is
being transported to a high security penitentiary before being deported
later in the month.

"This guy is clearly bad news" said Ray Mathers, Head of
Immigration at Francis International. "He couldn't even show us where he was
from on a map. What kind of idiot can't find where they live on a map? We
don't need his kind in our country, thank you very much."