A horse walks into a bar, sits down beside a donkey, and orders a pint."You're a big lad" says the donkey, "did you win any races?"."I've won the Derby and the Grand National" repies the horse.Bloody hell, thinks the donkey, how can I match that?He pulls up a picture of a zebra on his phone and shows it to the horse."Who's that?" asks the horse."That's me when I played as striker for Juventus" says the donkey!

Logged

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

A woman is sat in church at her husband's funeral. A man in the pew behind leans over and says "Do you mind if I say a word?""No, please go ahead" replies the widow.The man stands up, clears his throat and says "Plethora"."Thank you," says the widow, "That means a lot".

Logged

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"

The missus phoned me the other day and the conversation went thus:Her: “You know that Spartacus Gladiator box set that I got you?”Me: “What about it?”Her: “Put Volume 2 in the DVD player. Forward it exactly one hour, 16 minutes and 28 seconds.”Me: “Right, I’ve done that”...Her: “Okay, you see the gladiator at the front, fighting the lion!”Me: “I can s...ee that, yeah.”Her: “Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!”Me: “Okay, I see them.”Her: “Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there’s a gladiator guarding the gate holding a spear.”Me: “Yes! I can see him!”Her: “Can you see his feet?”Me: “Yes, I can!”Her: “Right! Those are the sandals I want for my birthday!”

Logged

"We don't want blood all over the lawn and the hounds are fagged out from yesterdays Jehovah's witnesses"