Reviews

20 Reasons Why The Boy Next Door Is Actually Worth Seeing

Many will mock The Boy Next Door, Jennifer Lopez’s new hothouse thriller about Claire, a humble San Fernando Valley teacher who, separated from her cheating husband and feelin’ lonely, has a disastrous one-night stand with the titular lad across the way, an Abercrombie hunk with a glint of something dangerous in his eyes. (He’s played by up-and-coming hunk Ryan Guzman.) Those people will make fun because the movie is silly, and there are some real humdinger bits of bad writing, and, yes, bad acting. But for the way it seems keen to its silliness, its badness, without being too kitschy, and for its welcome, admiring nods to the great, long-lost domestic thrillers of the Single White Female-era 90s, I’m a fan of this lurid little movie. Not convinced? Here are 20 concrete reasons why I liked The Boy Next Door a whole lot.

(Warning: Spoilers abound)

1. The film spends its requisite setup being so giddy about what it’s eventually going to show us that we can’t help but get excited too. When Guzman’s Noah first shows up, helping helpless J.Lo fix her broken garage door, the movie releases a dizzying puff of pheromones—we laugh, but we're also hooked. The movie builds to the big sex scene in its own moody, panting way, and has some good fun toying with us before it finally gives us the goods.

2. Lopez plays that sudden, wicked arousal pretty perfectly, acting the responsible adult for the most part, but sneaking furtive gazes when she can. Given the material, Lopez is actually pretty darn good in the movie, taking it seriously enough that it’s not irksomely arch camp, but also plenty aware that she’s not doing Shakespeare. She’s a joy to watch throughout.

3. And she’s sexy as heck.

4. So is Guzman, but in a slightly absurd way. His assembly-line American sexiness is hilarious.

5. For some reason Kristin Chenoweth is in the movie?

6. For obvious reasons her character is named Vicky.

7. Vicky has a short, sassy haircut.

8. At one point Vicky yells “I am an assistant principal!”

9. It’s immediately clear what’s going to happen to poor Vicky eventually, but it’s tons of fun waiting for it to happen anyway. Much of the movie is like that, giving us all the required thriller beats but in a way that’s more reverent than rote. Plus, when what we know is going to happen to Vicky finally does happen to Vicky, Lopez gets to say the best line of the movie. It was my favorite, anyway.

10. There are so many wonderful lines! There’s a weird scene where Claire’s teenage son, Kevin (Ian Nelson), is being bullied at school and one of his tormentors mentions Turner Classic Movies to make a bizarrely labored joke about The Wiz. (Because Kevin peed his pants once, because Kevin has bad asthma/allergy problems, because of course Kevin does.) At one point Jennifer Lopez says “schmutz.” She also says “allergist.” There’s a blisteringly delivered C-word in one scene. (Sorry to spoil this for you, but it involves Vicky. Of course it involves Vicky.) All the little dangerous innuendos that you’ve seen in the ads—stuff about J.Lo’s cookies, etc.—are fun too, but there are some more awkward, less deliberate clunkers that are more enjoyable.

11. Oh, when the family first meets sexy Noah, it kinda seems like teenage Kevin might also have a crush on him? Which, hey, go for it! (It does not go for it. Kevin actually loves a blond who works at the hardware store, whom Noah later defiles for whatever sinister reason.)

12. Speaking of gay-ish teens, there’s one fey looking kid who’s an extra in the high-school scenes, and in two of them, set days apart, he’s wearing the same outfit, only in one of them he’s wearing a cardigan. Either it’s a small, completely out of nowhere joke about how teens wear their favorite outfits on repeat, or they just shot a lot of the high-school stuff in one day and didn’t change some extras’ costumes. Whatever the case, it’s funny that there’s a kinda swishy kid plainly visible milling about in the background in at least several scenes in The Boy Next Door.

14. The movie isn’t afraid of a little shock value, giving us one or two moments of startling gross-out violence and the aforementioned boob grabbing. Good for them!

15. Director Rob Cohen and screenwriter Barbara Curry have managed to actually create some scary, thrilling moments. Which is impressive considering we’re mostly there to hoot and laugh and clap.

16.John Corbett is in it. Sure, why not. Eventually he’ll have played everyone’s husband.

17. There is a small subplot about how Claire’s husband and son don’t appreciate her cooking enough.

18. Lopez’s character teaches classical literature, so the script is loaded with heavy-handed references to ancient works, The Iliad especially. Yes, The Boy Next Door makes more Homer references than probably almost any other movie in the last few years.

19. The joyful, slightly winking verve this movie has in spades gives me hope that there could be a renaissance of this kind of secret-psycho thriller. Or maybe we’re already in one, kicked off by Obsessed, the movie about Beyoncé throwing white bitches down the stairs, continued with last year’s hit No Good Deed, and now winding up here, with Jennifer Lopez clutching a butcher knife. Aren’t movies like this so much fun? I sure had fun watching The Temp, and The Crush, and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, and all those other B-movies 20 years ago. So I think we’re due for a resurgence. And The Boy Next Door is a sterling example of what the genre can and should be, albeit with a slightly sexier-campier take than usual. That tweak is acceptable, though, because it makes for a supremely entertaining movie.