The Jolly Boys Cricket Club

"batting, bowling & boozing since 1987"

01 July 2004 home to South Shore Shovellers

This weeks game was a complete disaster... Due to a winning combination of work commitments, injuries,
afternoon birthday celebrations (have these people got no jobs ?), "Glastonbury flu" and
downright incompetence both teams took to the field with much reduced sides. In fact at one point it looked
like we were going to be playing a 7 a side game !

But after once again losing the toss a much weakened Jollys were put in to bat. Needless to say our stretched resources saw
us post a miserable total and the Shovellers were able to beat it after a mere eight overs. But was our lack of players due to
bad luck or were we being manipulated, nay tested even, by sinister beings from another world ?

This weeks after match menu at the Old Town Hall was nowt ! (we forgot to tell Des we were playing)

The game starts off with the lads sitting on a rather empty looking pavillion catching up on their maths homework.
Ten out of ten for effort lads but it was supposed to have been handed in decades ago !

New man Omar makes his way to the pavillion after being given out caught off his pads. A harsh decision but there's no
complaint from the Jollys as the umpires decision is final. We're not like those poncy football yobboes who surround the
referee with a torrent of abuse when he tells them to get their hair cut. The man in the middle has a difficult job
to do and his decision is final.

Oh dear. Russ joins me in the exclusive Golden Duck club. But he needn't worry about taking the lead in the Pedro trophy
(most Golden Ducks in a season) as I was later to add to my seasons tally (note to self:
"block the first ball"..."block the first ball"...)

Right it's rapidly turning into a disaster so what can we do now ? Thankfully Shannon (age 5) comes to the rescue by
making us all wear the "special hats" she's found dumped under a load of rotting cabbages (but are they the simple
sporting headgear they claim to be ? or are they really cunning extra terrestrial mind control devices ? Will higher powers
now speed us to victory ? or are they here to cause our doom ?)

There's a strange buzzing noise in the air and the massed ranks of the Jollys fans are suddenly accosted with the
strange other worldly headgear. Are we not Jollys ? we are DEVO. Are we not Jollys ?
D-E-V-O...

Meanwhile back on the pitch "Cats" and Stu are trying their best to put on a few runs. But yet again the
damp outfield slows the ball down and a potential four turns into a quick two.

The shiny hat things from dimension X have conquered the pavillion. Their confidence is such that they're now nesting in packs.
But what is their sinister plan ? And where is their young controller hiding ?

Mwwwaaaarrrgghhhh.... The maniacal hat beasts have shown their hand. The plan is revealed as they force Baz to desecrate the temple
of his sportsmans body with the horror of fags 'n' booze. How can we save ourselves from their interdimensional cruelty ? How can we
get the win against odds like these ?

With a sininster whoosing sound the hat beasts suddenly fly back to dimension X just as the Jollys innings comes to
an ignominious end. But what was their sinister purpose ? why did they taunt us so ?

A bemused "Cats" can only survey the ground for the last traces of their hideous presence.

Bah. Once more I asked for some pictures of us in the field. And once more nobody bothered. Honestly, how do you expect me to
work in these conditions ?

I suppose I should make the effort to blame this on the hat beasts either interferring with the
cameras or abducting the spectators but you're probably bored with that plotline by now.... Oh well onward to next week