Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Twelve Days Of Chocolate

Day 1 Gefüllte Milchschokolade: Elysia German milk chocolate with orange filling and a little alcoholSo, Ralph Pierce of the Boo Pierces stuffs this 3.5 ounce bar in my already bursting candy sack. Does that sound as obscene (and confusing) as I think it does? He likes this chocolate bar because it's a decent candy for two bucks, which, if you like to buy imported chocolate, is a bit of a deal.I will say that one row of this sinister candy sent my recently perfect blood sugar level one point over good at a poorly timed check up. So that should count for something.The orange filling smacks you in the taste buds and is almost overwhelming. I didn't have a clue it was one of the fruit liqueur filled Elysia chocolates until by the process of elimination, I figured out who makes it. I think. Hey, whaddya tink dis is, Milwaukee, I can barely say "Are you from the Apple Store?" in Spanish.The orange filling is nicely tart, the chocolate is a little too sweet and not what I think milk chocolate should taste like—in other words, a little cheap and waxy, you know, like American chocolate.Elysia Milkchocolate With Orange Flavoured Filling is okay; perfect as a gift for those who don't appreciate good candy. Ahem, you know who you are. Maybe you don't, but you wouldn't be reading this anyway so the hell with you.Dis German bar yah hey is a good price, imported, whaddya want?A good choice for Day 1, it can only get better. And more expensive.

German Chocolate would make a good porn name or genre. How about Candy Sack, Johnny Sack's pudgy daughter. If they ever make a Sopranos movie, I'm writing a letter.Chuck Norris does dispense pain, after all, though I'm not sure the fist under his beard smacks that way.