Paul Blart: Mall CopReview

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What does Blart rhyme with? You get the idea.

By Jim Vejvoda

Paul Blart: Mall Cop follows the eponymous sad sack guard (Kevin James) who works at a shopping mall in New Jersey (the film was actually shot at a working mall in Massachusetts). A single dad who flunked the state police exams, Paul lives with his daughter Maya (Raini Rodriguez) and his mom (Shirley Knight).

He drowns his sorrows in junk food and takes his job waaaaaaay too seriously. You'd think he was guarding VIPs in the Green Zone in Baghdad. Alas, no one else "on the job," especially his rookie partner Veck (Keir O'Donnell), share or respect his martial devotion to protecting the shoppers and stores.

Desperate for love, Paul develops a crush on Amy (Jayma Mays), who runs a hair extension kiosk called "Unbeweavable." But as sweet as he is to Amy (including giving her a Segway ride through the mall that's vaguely reminiscent of Superman flying Lois Lane over Metropolis), she's just not smitten by his ineptitude and buffoonery.

Paul finally gets a chance to prove himself as a man and to Amy and his colleagues when a band of thieves -- who also so happen to be kick-ass skateboarders, BMX bikers and free runners -- take over the mall on Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year. With Amy among the hostages, Paul must rise to the occasion and use the terrain, if you will, against his enemies if he's to save the day.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is what Die Hard might have been like had John Candy starred in it. A one-note but amusing premise -- schlubby mall security guard vs. a team of physically superior thieves -- is never fully capitalized on. There are a few good laughs once the heist/hostage scenario begins, but it's tough to buy Paul's sudden transition into John McClane since we never really see him get anything right until the fit hits the shan.

The movie dwells far too long on Paul's self-loathing and his vain attempts at trying to win over Amy before the story finally rouses to life. A handful of scenes adequately establish his character, his delusions of grandeur (he rides his Segway through the mall like it's the Silver to his Lone Ranger) as well as how little respect he truly commands (evident in a particularly funny run-in with an old man in a wheelchair). But all this could have been covered in half the screen time that it actually chews up.

Given its setting (a now ironic location given our current economic woes), Paul Blart could have very easily been retitled Product Placement: The Movie. One suspects that Columbia recouped its investment on this film even before filming wrapped thanks to all the product placement worked into nearly every shot. It's as if that's the sole reason why this movie was even green-lit. It sure wasn't because all the jokes worked.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is a sloppily made, hit-and-miss and ultimately inconsequential comedy that's worth watching if you're stuck on a long flight somewhere. Kevin James is an affable screen presence, but he'll need stronger material if he's going to make the leap from TV star to a film star who can carry a movie without needing a bigger name co-star (as he did in Hitch and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry).