Hullo. I'm Dani.

I used to dream of distant lands and boats that would take me across the oceans Onto distant shorelines of rock and sand But you’ve changed that. Now, my dreams are nightmares. Now, I dream of here Where the roads do not wind themselves around the ruins of history Where the roads do not wind at all. I used to dream of sleeping on hammocks hanging from palm trees, Fending off mosquitoes just as I fend off the fickle feeling of constancy But you’ve changed that. Now, the only thing I wish to fend off is my wanderlust-- The characteristic quirks I’ve picked up from my crib Are now identical to the thorn on my side. I used to surf the internet’s obscure corners for stories and poems Those lives I have not lived myself but live through lines of prose And forests of gold and clouds of colour But you’ve changed that. Now I surf social media sites searching for your fingerprints Unsatisfied with yesterday’s conversation. I used to hate texting as a means of communication. The insincerity of the act was enough to make me cringe. Now, my inbox is filled with meaningless messages that really mean I miss you And I hope you miss me too. Where “are you free?” really means “I want to see you desperately.” And the funny thing is how I love you but not in ‘that’ way kind of love you. I do not wish for my fingers laced into yours. I do not wish for my presence to accompany you underneath your sheets Unless we are both clothed and playing amidst them like the children I’ve always believed we are. And I suppose I like this funny thing about the way I love you but not in ‘that’ way kind of love you. But you You have changed me. And I don’t like that. In fact, that’s an understatement. I am repulsed by what you have done to me. Bile physically lurches up my throat at the thought of whom I have become. The worst part in all of this If, perchance, we as a unit fall apart Is how I don’t know how to go back.