Saturday, December 15, 2007

Last Post

Phil can't be with us to post this last entry. As you know he has been courageously fighting for his life, but the battle ended early Thursday morning. He was a bad ass until the very end and we know that he was thinking to himself "fuck you cancer." He also was likely thinking, "what the hell? why does this shit always happen to me?"

During his first cancer he called himself "cancer boy"--apparently the first sign that he was a full fledged member of the cancer boy club was his lack of eyebrows, making it very hard to tell whether he was joking or serious (but Phil was hardly ever serious). When Phil's cancer came back, we didn't have any clever nicknames--we were mostly just pissed off. Cancer, in case you didn't know, is a bitch. Hopefully someday it's a bitch that we can beat so people never have to go through the same shit Phil did.

Visiting the Lombardi Cancer Center was always a little bit nerve-wracking for Phil--sometimes there was good news (high neutrophil count) and sometimes the news sucked (no chemo allowed because the prior chemo had made him too sick). But Phil always handled these appointments with laughter--he liked to play with medical instruments in the exam room, often belting out some lounge singer tunes. And the nurses always knew when he was around because they could hear us laughing (mine was always the more nervous laugh, but Phil's was genuine amusement). We always said that we just came to the hospital for the cable TV and the fine cuisine.

Phil will be missed by those who hiked, drank, joked, fought, smoked, caroused, helped, laughed, cried, and loved. He is the love of my life and I will be forever grateful that I had the chance to know him and love him.

Phil's strength of character and optimism shines clearly through his posts. Anyone who can find a reason to laugh through all that is someone of great courage. I can see why you're proud of him, and my heart goes out to you.

God bless you both. I am sorry just found this blog today. I am reading the older posts and am inspired.

We found out a couple months ago that my mother has a rare form of cancer. Seeing the strength and courage of you both and others like you has been and will continue to be and inspiration and comfort to me.

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I enjoyed reading this blog (as much as one can "enjoy" reading of someone elses hardships) as it illustrates the strength of the human spirit and our ability to weather many storms whether as victim or caregiver.

You were blessed to have been a short but important part of his life Dani. Now get on with yours and profit from the love and strength you've undoubtably amassed.

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