Reichley: The bulb is dim for the not-so-bright

Several years ago, someone sent an email titled, “They live among us, and breathe,” that listed the foibles of some elected officials in Washington, D.C., all of whom were identified.

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By John Reichley

The Leavenworth Times - Leavenworth, KS

By John Reichley

Posted Jan. 17, 2014 at 9:44 PM

By John Reichley

Posted Jan. 17, 2014 at 9:44 PM

Several years ago, someone sent an email titled, “They live among us, and breathe,” that listed the foibles of some elected officials in Washington, D.C., all of whom were identified.

This one was titled, “Idiot sighting,” and relates some not-so-bright things said or done by people working at some well-known places. Most of these establishments are mentioned in the email, but since I have no way of verifying, I’ll omit the identities of the guilty firms.

A man handed a bank teller a withdrawal slip for $400, and asked to have that in large bills. The teller looked at him sympathetically and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but all our bills are the same size.”

When a husband and wife went to an automobile dealer to pick up their car, they were told there would be a delay as the keys had inadvertently been locked inside the car.

They went to the car and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the passenger side door.

After watching him work for several minutes, the man went to the driver side and tried the handle.

The door immediately opened. Astonished, he told the mechanic the door was open, and the mechanic replied, “Yeah, I know. I already got that side.”

A couple needed the garage door repaired. The technician who came said the motor was not of a size large enough to open the door.

The husband replied that it was the largest one the company made, a ½ horsepower engine.

The man said the door required a ¼ horsepower engine.

The husband then said that a ½ was larger than a ¼, and the man indignantly replied, “No, you are wrong. Four is larger than two.”

A young woman went through a fast food drive-in window and handed the clerk a $5 bill for the $4.25 check. She then gave the clerk a quarter. The clerk said, “You gave me too much money,” to which the woman replied, “I know, but that’s so you can give me a dollar in change.”

The clerk summoned the manager, who gave the woman back the quarter, saying “We’re sorry, but we can’t do that sort of thing.” The clerk then gave the woman a $1 bill and three quarters.

A woman in rural Kansas had a new neighbor call the township administrative office to request the removal of a deer crossing sign in the area. Asked why, the neighbor replied, “I haven’t lived here long, but a lot of deer are being killed crossing the road, and I don’t think this is a good place for them to cross anymore.”

Page 2 of 2 - A customer went into a Mexican restaurant and ordered a taco. She asked the clerk for “minimal lettuce” on it, to which the clerk replied, “I’m sorry, but all we have is iceberg lettuce.”

A woman in Wichita was puzzled why a stoplight at an intersection buzzed when it was safe to cross the street.

She asked a coworker, who said that it signaled blind people when the light was red.

Astonished, the woman said, “Why on earth are blind people driving cars?”

A firm held a goodbye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving due to downsizing.

Following lunch, the manager said a few words, and ended saying, “This has been fun. We should do this more often.”

Not another word was spoken as the stunned workers began to file out of the restaurant, looking back at the departing worker who had a very sad look on his face.

A deputy in a Texas county sheriff’s office plugged her power strip back into itself and then could not understand why her system would not turn on.

There were a few others, but space is running out, and you probably get the point.

Fortunately none of those mentioned above are elected officials who make laws that affect us all.

They are just average, not-so-bright people who are getting along the best they can.

John Reichley is a retired Army officer and retired Department of the Army civilian employee.