Ert: Guh. It’s still going. Why the hell is it still going? Why does he need to have every “season” of his have 26 chapters? How did a tool like him ever do enough to learn that that’s the baseline for seasons anyway?

Nora: The universe loves to mess us up in just the right ways.

A visit to Equestrian

Ert: Well I see someone got hit by auto-correct. I know because it’s been happening to me a lot these past few weeks.

Author’s response

To Buddy Keith:

Cornelia: Does anyone else like Buddy Keith already? Knowing that he apparently left a review that Mykan felt the need to respond to?

Ert: Actually yeah, I DO like him. And I don’t even know what he said.

I know you were looking forward to another terrible chapter of Lyle’s Naruto fic, but she has a lot going on IRL these days. I do, too, so we decided to split Monday posts. So you’ll just have to suffer my snark for a week before she comes back.

So, having finished that long (for me), poorly underwritten “Snow White” fanfic, I’m moving on to a new canon and a new kind of bad writing – an overly flowery, pretentious, short(ish) little fanfic from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.

Let’s start with the summary:

She had always secretly wanted to travel to Quirm, on a warm summer’s day. When she does, it’s the man, and not the journey, that turns out to be the dream of a lifetime.

Title: Love of a SpartanAuthor: AshleyBudrickMedia: Video GameTopic: HALOGenre: Sci-Fi/RomanceURL: No Longer Available OnlineCritiqued by Admiral Sakai, Gul, and the Arbiter

Hello hello, everyone, and welcome back to the continuing disappointment that is Love of a Spartan.

“In the last chapter of this prolonged unpleasantness… well, to quote Douglas Adams, for a while nothing happened, and then, suddenly, nothing continued to happen.”

“Well, all right, fine, Private Kilburn broke her rib and a bunch of infantile gabbling resulted, but at the end of the day it was simply a chapter of the characters running errands for themselves onboard the Hercules en route to their next destination.”

Terrible Troy Counter: 10

Mommy’s Little Marines Counter: 8

Halight Counter: 4

Chapter 5 (listed as Four, but I’ve stopped caring) is called “Unwelcome Followers,” which is ironic given what the Chief has to deal with at the moment in the form of two little girls playing dress-up in their mothers’ body armor.

I think that’s all the basics. Well that’s all, you may continue if you wish

On one hand, this is helpful for anyone in the audience who is unfamiliar with the shorthand used in Reader fics. On the other hand, the use of the shorthand in general gives the fic a sort of “Mad Libs” vibe.

Sorry!

And there’s the title. Not really necessary since I had to click on the fic’s title in order to read it in the first place.

(Elsa x Girl! Reader)

Yay! I’m so happy I’m not a pumpkin!

There’s a sentence to add to my list of things I’d never thought I’d type.

Hello once again, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to When You’re Strange. Last time, Shepard and Garrus essentially bonded as mates, and a lot faster than we expected them to. So given this fic’s propensity for skipping over all that “boring” plot of the actual games, what do you think will happen next?

In the first, or zeroth according to the fic, chapter of “The cambion’s ring” we got what was essentially a full-regurgitation of the episode “Halloween” only with Xander turning into an eighteenth-century Stuish-douchecanoe, Claude, instead of a soldier. Other than this change, the episode pretty much proceeds on-rails with Claude just being whiny and obtuse the entire time. Eventually the episode ends almost exactly like it does on the show, but then we get a tacked-on scene where Claude/Xander… Clander? gets up and goes in search of the thing.

Pretty brief, I know, but there’s not much substance in the fic to recap thus far.