You remember that “in love” feeling? The “Ooey gooey, our dreams are one, this will last forever, he’s perfect” phase you went through that didn’t seem to last?

When it ended you just knew that the relationship wasn’t meant to be because you “Weren’t in love” anymore.

This might be news to you, but you weren’t “in love”; you were experiencing a purely chemical reaction.

When we have extreme rapport with someone it feels very, very good

The thing is that this phase isn’t supposed to last; we would quickly die from exhaustion if it did as it is eustress, a happy form of stress that we use vast amounts of energy to sustain.

“Falling out of love” is inevitable; in fact, it is only once we do that we start to really love someone, as love is a choice long before it is a feeling.

When we meet someone and go through the “in love” phase we see what we want to see and overlook faults, we look for the similarities and not the differences. The fact that this is inherent in all people tells me that this is by design, if there wasn’t some sore of initial feel good pay off then we wouldn’t bother at all.

It’s designed to bring us together, but staying together is up to us.

If we depend on feelings to make us want to stay then we are pretty much doomed from the start

It’s different for everyone, but at a certain point in time, you start to crave your own space and realise that you are actually very different from the other person. It is at this point that you should take stock and decide if that other person’s character is worthy of your commitment. Then the choice of love is made.

Telling someone you love them because of how you feel means very little, telling someone you love them because you have made a decision independent of feelings means the world.