Credit Check: All Local, All For You. Happy?

-88Boy, 14, charged with 2 Vancouver-area sex assaults. And he’s only 14! That means, with a projected life expectancy of at least 60, this lovely individual will be making the kind of contributions to society we can all revel in, enjoy, remember, etc. Welcome to today’s Province headline and cover story.

-10TransLink announces bus route changes for September 7th Now see, this is the kind of bullshit “local” coverage is enslaved to. Bus schedule changes! So let this story be a reminder to everyone. Things have changed. We live in Berlin, New York, Chicago, and London now. We don’t care when your bus is coming.

0Experts find a way to track onslaught of sea lice Sea lice! Sounds interesting doesn’t it? We assure you that this story is local, but you can’t read it because the Globe and Mail has restricted the content to its “GlobePlus” members only. Newspapers just don’t get internet, and that’s why they’re slowly dying. Like your gramps’ Culture Club cassette tape.