Date: Tue, 6 Oct 2015 20:44:26 -0400
From: JAMES HEADY
Subject: a Safe Place--Chapter 13
A Safe Place
By
James
Disclaimer
This is a story that deals with sexual as well as romantic situations
between teenaged males. Should you not be of the legal age to read such
material, or if you're offended by this type of story then please find
something else to read. Also remember to donate to Nifty so that these
stories can remain free to the public.
Chapter 13
Continuing in 2015
Caleb
That Saturday, we all just stayed at the house, as snow was falling hard
outside and we had to be put on a level 2 snow emergency. This basically
means that you can drive, but only if absolutely necessary. My dad and mom
decided just to stay in and we all watched a little TV, and then in the mid
afternoon after lunch, we all were in my room just talking. Alicia was
sitting in the chair next to the bedside table while Nathan and I were
laying full-length on the bed. Kevin and Cody were laying at the end of
the bed and I was amazed that they fit. Cody was laying under a winter
blanket and he seemed to be quite comfortable.
"It's funny," Alicia said when there was a laps in the conversation.
"What?" I asked.
"Cody has the blanket on his back since he's lying on his stomach," she
explained. "The blanket is mainly covering his back and his arms and legs
are sticking out of it along with his head."
"I laughed when she gave me the description and Cody laughed along with me.
"Sounds like what a turtle does," I said.
"I never thought of it like that," Cody said.
Kevin
I lay beside Cody as he had the blanket covering him in the way that Alicia
just had described for Caleb. Then Cody moved his legs and covered them
with the blanket, then he moved his arms and hands so that he was lying on
his side with the blanket covering everything but his head. He looked out
at us and from the way his body was shrunk in that fetal position in the
blanket, he did look a little like a turtle now. He then lowered his head
so that it was in the blanket and we laughed.
"He's back in his shell," Nathan said. "Must need a nap."
"Wish I had one of those," Caleb exclaimed.
"Just getting warmed up," Cody said from beneath the blanket. "I wouldn't
want my ears turning in to ice cubes."
I laughed and put my arm around the talking blanket. His head then moved
from under it and he looked at me then smiled. He then moved it back under
the blanket again, then poked out first one hand, then slid it back under
again and he did the same with the other hand and he did the same with each
foot, then he just had his head sticking out.
Caleb
I laughed as they described Cody's tricks and I went over and stroked his
hair for a moment. He thanked me, then I went and lay back down beside
Nathan.
"I'm glad I could make you guys laugh," Cody said.
"So are we," I said.
"You're the best person I know Cody," Alicia said as she walked over and
gave him a hug. He hugged back and they held on for a moment, then she
went back to sit in her chair again.
"I'm really glad I found you guys," Cody said as he shifted on to his back.
"So are we," Nathan said.
"I'm especially happy we met you," Alicia said.
"I know I'm definitely glad I found you," Kevin said hugging Cody.
"I'm glad I found you guys," Cody said. "I'm especially happy that Kevvy
and I found one another."
"So am I," Kevin responded. "I feel the same way about you, especially
that last part about us finding one another."
0000
For a while, it was just Alicia and Cody in Caleb's room, as Kevin, Nathan
and Caleb went out to help Caleb's mom begin preparations for dinner.
Alicia came over and lay down next to Cody and watched him as he lay on his
stomach covered up again except for his head.
"I meant what I said a few minutes ago," Alicia said putting an arm around
Cody. "You really are a good person and I'm glad we met you. I should say
that I'm glad I met you too."
"I feel the same way Alicia," Cody replied and hugged her back.
"I hope you truly do know that none of us will let anything bad happen to
you," Alicia continued. "I know you've mentioned a little about how
teachers and workers you've met talk about you probably having to maybe go
in to a nursing home for people who have the learning issues you have, but
we're not going to let that happen to you."
"I hope you guys can do something so that doesn't happen," Cody exclaimed.
"I don't ever want to be away from you guys, my mom or especially Kevvy. I
definitely don't ever want to be away from him."
"I know you guys are really close," she said looking at him.
"Yeah, we're very close," he answered.
"I hope you don't mind me saying this," Alicia began.
"It's okay," Cody assured her.
"I notice the looks that you and Kevin give one another," she went on.
"You have?" Cody asked.
"Yeah," she replied. "I think I have an idea of how you guys feel about
one another, or at least how you feel about him."
Cody was silent for a moment. He didn't want to tell her about him and
Kevvy, at least not yet. He and Kevvy talked about it that morning before
leaving their room to go down to breakfast and they agreed to let things
continue between the two of them before telling anyone about them being
boyfriends. They knew that they wanted to be boyfriends, but they didn't
want to rush that with one another at that point.
"You don't have to say anything," Alicia assured Cody. "I just want you to
know that if you like my brother in that way and especially if you're gay,
I'm fine with it. If anyone gives you crap for who you are, then I want
you to let me know and I'll help you and I'll make them answer for it."
"Thanks Alicia," Cody said and hugged her again. "I do like your brother
in that way and I've known I was gay since I was 12 and my mom's been
supportive since I told her before I turned 13."
"I'm glad to hear that," Alicia answered.
Caleb
Once we finished up preparations for dinner, I made sure that the
vegetables were off to the side where they needed to be, then the three of
us set the table. Once that was done, I went in to my dad's study for a
few minutes to sit and relax. My dad had been helping us with parts of
chopping up the vegetables that we needed help with, then it was finished.
As he helped me with some of what I needed help with, I was noticing his
kind and caring manner and for whatever reason it brought back for me, the
time back when I was 13 when I came out to him and mom.
0000
I realized that I was gay around the time before I turned 13 and by the
time I became a teenager, I knew without any doubt at all. I remembered
what happened to Kevin and everything he went through while trying to keep
the secret of his sexuality, as well as keeping the secret of what that
Bastard Richie was doing to him. I was afraid of my parents knowing that I
was gay, mainly for the fear that they might decide that they had enough to
worry about with me getting through life while blind without me being gay
on top of it and them having to worry about that as well. So I didn't tell
them, but one night when I was sitting with Kevin in his room, we began
talking about romance and he asked me if I was interested in any girls or
even any guys. I broke down at that point and told him that I thought I
might be gay.
"It's going to be alright Caleb," he said putting an arm around my
shoulders, then taking me in his arms and holding me. "I know it's scary
and I'll be here for you through it all. Okay?"
We sat like that for a few minutes which felt like an eternity. Soon
though, my tears were gone and I was drying my eyes. I stood up, threw
away the tissues and went to sit back down beside my brother.
"I'm starting to accept that I'm gay," I began. "I'm not worried about
being gay, but it's more that I'm worried about what mom and dad would
think."
I told him my deepest fear and he hugged me. He didn't laugh, nor did he
make fun of me. He was understanding and supportive which was what I
needed, especially at that time.
"They're not going to keep you from being gay, just because of what
happened to me," Kevin said holding me close for a minute. "They're not
going to have any problems with it what-so-ever. In fact, they'd be more
likely to worry if you stay silent about who you really are and they'll
have even more worries if you feel like you have to suffer in silence."
"So now you're talking from experience?" I asked, but we both knew it was a
statement.
"Well, taking the Richie part out of the issue," he began. "I'm sure that
had I not said anything to our parents about who I am, then I still
probably would have had problems just for the simple fact that I was under
strain from keeping the secret in the first place. When I think back on it
though, I was actually afraid that they'd have a problem with me being gay
because of being afraid that our grandparents might have influenced them
with their fucked up homophobic ideas."
"That's gone through my mind a few times," I said. "Of course that's
happened when my fear gets to its most active."
"I understand," Kevin said. "Just think about what I said. Will you
promise me that?"
"Yeah," I agreed. "I promise I'll think about what you said and I'll think
seriously about it."
A couple of days after Kevin and I talked, I finally came out to our
parents. It was on a Wednesday evening and Kevin along with Alicia were
out walking and it was just mom, dad and I. We had just finished getting
stuff together for dinner and all that evening I had been thinking about
coming out to them.
They had asked me a couple of times if I was alright and I said that I was
which was partly true. Finally though, I sat down at the table and
gathered my courage to talk to them. I asked them to sit with me once they
put the last pot of food on the counter before cooking it. They sat down
and I held my face in their direction and tried to gather my thoughts.
"Oh man, this is really hard," I said.
"Just take your time," my dad said.
"We're here for you and you have our support with whatever it is you have
to tell us," my mom interjected.
At that point, my emotions got the better of me and I was close to tears.
I got out of my chair and went over to where they were and I reached out
and they put their arms around me.
"Mom, Dad," I said and began crying. "I don't want you guys to be
disappointed. I'''I'''I'''I'm gay, just like Kevin."
My tears fell faster and I was crying at this point, hard enough so that I
couldn't speak. They held me and I let out my tears and all the feelings
that I had been holding inside for a while. Soon though, my crying was
done and I dried my eyes and looked up at them.
"We suspected," my mom said. "I guess I might have always known."
"I started thinking that you might be a few months ago when you said that
you still weren't interested in any girls," my dad added.
"You guys didn't say anything though," I said. "Were you afraid of how I'd
react if you asked me about it?"
"Not really that," my mom said. "We thought that you'd come to us
eventually and we hoped that all the talks we had with you as well as with
Kevin about how we feel about homosexuality would show you that eventually,
you could come to us if you discovered that you were gay."
"Also," my dad began. "You had to be the one to figure out for yourself if
you were gay or not."
"I understand," I answered.
"We still love you," my mom said.
"She's right," my dad added. "We're here for you the same as for Kevin and
that will never change."
"Thank you," I said turning to him. "Thank you both."
I hugged both of them and they did the same back, then we finished with
getting dinner prepared, cooked and on the table.
0000
I was startled back to the present by footsteps coming in to the room. I
sat down on the couch that my dad had in the room and I looked up.
"Caleb?" my dad said. "Did you need something in here?"
He sat down beside me and I turned to him. I hugged him and he held me for
a moment.
"I hope you didn't mind me coming in here," I said. "I know you say we can
always come in here and I just wanted to sit here for a moment."
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I replied. "I was just remembering the past a little."
I told him what I remembered and he hugged me.
"I'm glad you told us," he said. "I would have hated to think of you going
down the same road as Kevin."
"So would I," I responded.
"You mean everything to me and to your mother as well," he said. "That
goes for Kevin and Alicia as well."
"Well, you've been the best father and the same goes for mom," I said.
"Well, you're the best son in addition to Kevin and your sister," he
answered. We shared another hug, then left the study.
Nathan
Once dinner was finished, I went and parked my wheelchair in Caleb's room.
I helped with washing dishes and once they were finished, I waited for
Caleb to come back to the room. He was helping with putting the dishes
away and cleaning up the kitchen. Kevin, Cody and Alicia were helping out
as well.
As I sat beside Caleb's bed, I remember thinking back to when I came out to
my mom. I figured that it would go well, but still had the fear fucking
with my mind. I knew that I liked boys since I was 12 and when I turned
13, I was continuing to dodge my mom's questions about if there was anyone
I liked as more than a friend. She knew that I didn't have much in the way
of friends, but she would ask if there was anyone I was interested in in
terms of physical attraction, and I'd just say not yet.
Finally, it came to a head on a rainy Saturday when my mom and I were
having lunch. She mentioned that there was a girl who moved in a couple of
doors down and that I might like to get to know her a little better.
0000
Once she mentioned that, I felt rage and pain grip me and I slammed my
fists down on the table.
"Just stop!" I screamed and wheeled back so hard that I almost tipped my
wheelchair over. "Just fucking stop!"
"Nathan!" she said horrified. She came over and I backed away. "Damn it!
I'm not going to find anyone okay! It'll never fucking happen for me!
Know why, because I'm a fucking freak and a sick fagot! My legs twitch and
jerk like a fucking live wire, I fucking piss and shit myself if the pain
gets bad enough and I'''!"
I couldn't finish. I was crying too hard and I just sat there trying to
get myself under control. My mom walked over and was holding me as I
cried. It seemed that I cried for hours, but eventually I stopped and was
drying my eyes. I then looked up and tried to get my thoughts under
control so I could speak and I began talking.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I said as she held me. "I just lost control
for a moment."
"Thank you," she said. "I'm a little more worried about what you said
rather than how you said it. Among other things, you called yourself a
fagot. I hope you won't think of yourself that way going forward, because
you're not."
"Society will think so," I said.
"I don't care what they think," she said and took me in her arms again. "I
only worry about what you and I think inside this house and if you're
actually gay, then I'm accepting of you. I just want you to be happy
whether or not that's with a guy or girl."
I began crying again and she just held me as I got this second onset of
tears out of my system. I felt a little better and once my tears were
gone, we separated.
"Thanks for being there for me," I said.
"There's no need to thank me," she said. "You're my son and I truly do
love you. I just want to see you happy and I'll be here for you for
always."
"That really means a lot," I replied.
0000
I was jerked out of my thoughts as I heard the door open and I looked up to
see Caleb returning. He came over to where I was and sat on the bed. I
then transferred out of my chair and on to the bed beside him and we joined
hands and shared a kiss.
Caleb
I shared a kiss with Nathan and we held one another for a moment. I just
sat there enjoying the quiet and enjoying being with my love. We kissed
once more, then just wrapped our arms around one another and sat like that
for a long moment.
"I love you so much Nathan," I said.
"I love you too Caleb," he replied. "So very much."
"I don't know what I'd do without you," I said.
"I feel the same way about you as well," he said.
I sat there for a moment and thought about what to say next. I had been
doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks and it had mainly to do
with belief. I remembered and had kept thinking about the conversation
between Nathan and I at lunch on the first day we met. I was actually
thinking about the part of the conversation in which we discussed our
thoughts on religion. I had started reading different books about religion
since we had discussed belief and religion and I was beginning to figure it
out.
I began talking to Nathan about this and he listened for a moment. He
kissed me softly and rested his head against my chest.
"I guess us gays don't have much of a relationship with religion," he said.
"I don't want to be intolerant of religion, but it's hard when you hear
people act like assholes and then use their beliefs as a reason."
"I understand," I replied. "It can be hard."
I told him about the books I had been reading, specifically ones by Chris
Hedges. I had read one a couple of weeks before called When Atheism
Becomes Religion which is by Chris Hedges and it hit hard. One thing that
resonated with me deeply was his thoughts on God.
For Chris Hedges, God is better described as what we feel when we have that
last bit of strength to get through a dark time or situation. It's also
what gives those sudden and deep flashes of knowledge and insight. God for
Chris Hedges and others who have a deep understanding of the concept
understand God to be an experience, rather than a being. Nathan and I
talked about this concept for a long while and we were happy to have that
better understanding of The God Concept.
Once we finished that conversation, we lay back and just snuggled in one
another's arms. It was continuing to be a wonderful weekend.
Author's Notes
Caleb and Nathan will understand this concept of God in a big way, or I
should say in many big ways soon. So have a good evening and I'll see
everyone in Chapter 14