Ten of My Greatest Instagram Fails

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a big fan of Instagram. It's actually become my favorite form of social media as of late. That being said, I'm also not afraid to admit that more times not, I just don't get it right. I don't get it right at all.

I don't know if I just get caught up in the fun of it or what, but sometimes I'll post something that I almost immediately regret. I'll occasionally post things that have no business being out there for everyone to see because they're just that stupid. But there's something inside of me (pride perhaps?) that simply won't let me take it down either. It's like I want to torture myself for being such an idiot for posting something that dumb that I insist on making myself suffer the shame of leaving it up.

I feel like I should just say that today's post is completely inspired by this photo that I posted on Instagram last week:

I just stumbled across this photo after not having seen it for years and thought it was so incredibly awkward that I just had to post it on Instagram for all to see. It was also one of those photos where right as I hit "share" I immediately regretted it. No one wants to see me in a track uniform. It's just uncomfortable. However in this photo an idea was born. And thus I present to you...

#1. The "bathroom selfie."

Even though I like to pretend I took this "ironically" and have never before (or again) taken such a photo, it's still goes against everything I stand for. The bathroom photos just aren't for me, but to those of you who rock them, well to that I say keep on rocking them. Just make sure the toilet is flushed if it's within view. (Classic rookie mistake.)

#2. The "look how cool I am."

Look at me! I'm doing yoga in front of water and want everyone to know about it! This isn't even a good photo, I was obviously just a little proud of myself for making the effort... Sorry for sucking.

#3. The "I'm a fashion blogger."

Does somebody want to be a fashion blogger or what? I'm not against these photos when they're done by fashion bloggers, but I am against them when they're done by posers. Like myself. Who am I trying to fool with this?

#4. The "mom shorts." (Morts, if you will.)

I feel like this photo was taken in 1998. And it was my first time being in a big city. And I brought my bike with me from Nebraska strapped on top of my white Nissan Quest Minivan that has a black bra on the front to keep it looking fly. (If you don't know what a car bra is I suggest you google it.)

*and just for the record my mom had the exact vehicle I just described, black bra and all.

#5. The "look at what I'm eating."

A wrap with salmon and capers?! Well that's just mind blowing, totally worthy of showing everyone. I feel like a caveman might as well have posted this with the caption "me food."

#6. The "really though, why did I post this?"

What can I say, I just really liked this statuette when I was little. And in hindsight, I just realized how odd it was that a bunch of eight-year-old girls were dancing in two-piece shimmery outfits to a song with lyrics that went "1, 2, 3, 4 get your woman on the floor... gotta gotta get up to get down...." But it was an awesome dance so whatever.#7. The "I just can't."

Again, this was intended as a joke. But that doesn't hide the fact it still makes me very uncomfortable to look at. Dressing room, stomach showing, crop top, creepy smile, the list could go on and on...

#8. The "look at my old I.D. card."

But why wouldn't someone want to see my senior-year-of-high school I.D. card?

The thing about this photo is that it's just not something I would normally do. I don't judge you for doing it, I had just clearly given into peer pressure and wanted to join all of the other bloggers with their cool hair salon photos floating around on Instagram. But at the end of the day it's not me. I hate the damn hair salon. Why would I want to document it?

If only my blogging friends followed me on insta, I wouldn't regret half the stuff I post, because we all know we're crazy and posting selfies and what not. But my sister-in-law's follow me, so when I do post a selfie (I did ONCE) I just know they're rolling their eyes "Oh that Kimberly, she's so immature." I'm 30, but they're older.

While I was getting a giggle out of this post, I couldn't get over the fact that you went to Norfolk! I'll be there for Thanksgiving with my Aunt in just a few weeks. Honestly, not really sure why I got so excited considering I haven't been tehre since I was like 8... but still I got got really excited! :)

I love this post, because it makes me think of how awkward I would feel/look if I tried to post these types of pictures. Taking a picture of myself getting my hair cut would just show everyone that I go to Great Clips because I'm cheap. Definitely not Instagram worthy.

Also, I had a statuette of myself posing in my soccer uniform when I was around ten! My mom proudly displayed that picture on a shelf in our kitchen my whole childhood, even after my photo-loving cat got hungry one day and chewed part of my head off.

Stop it, I'm laughing so hard right now. Also, it's not fair that you look totally cute in so many of these! Mine would be like... more perfect for Snapchat than Instagram. Also, I'm a complete idiot and sometimes just assume that no one can see my Instagram feed except for me, and I start posting really stupid stuff. I thrive on loving to hate this stuff.

You may feel like a "poser" in some of those shots but I'm 100% sure that those who know you (either virtually like moi or IRL) totally know that you're being your usual hilarious/mocking self. Those pics + your commentary made me crack up and I so enjoy your IG posts!! (Well, maybe not the food shots--but that's b/c I'm against foot pics in general :).)