We all get jokes sent to us by dozens (or more) of our friends. Here are some I found most fun, funny, entertaining or even educational. NONE of this is my content. I am merely showing what I got in my InBox and liked enough to show you. If you are the copyright holder of any of this content, please let me know. The rest of you, enjoy! Bookmark this. Tell your friends. AND, you MUST check out my blog. Now it's YOUR turn to add and express your opinions.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A man in the rural north Georgia mountains wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof.

So, he looks in the Yellow Pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.*

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12- gauge shotgun, and a mean as hell Pit Bull dog.

"So, exactly what are you going to do?", the homeowner asks.

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the building, and then I'm going to climb up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?", asks the homeowner.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon announced today that he was firing his entire pit crew. This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of President Obama's scheme to employ Harlem youngsters.The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Harlem were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with thousands of dollars worth of high tech equipment.It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits. However, Gordon got more than he bargained for.At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN , and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Budweiser, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the shower.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

It has finally arrived . . . the football scouting report is currently making the rounds of Division 1 Football coaches:

Wayfron P. Jackson:6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Texas in the last ten years.Loves rap music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet.Currently holds world record for the most "you knows" during an interview(62 in one minute). Wayfron can print his complete name.Signed with Tennessee .

Quinticious Jenkins:6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Triton High School , Dunn , N.C.Also led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has beenclocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.Signed with Auburn .

Woodrow Lee Washington:6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because:"The dude said somethin' bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20/20.

Signed with the University of Oklahoma .

Willie "Night Train" Smith:6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old.Thinks the "N" on Nebraska 's helmets stands for "Nowledge," but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his SAT's.

Signed with the University of Alabama .

Tyrone "Python" Peoples:6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges.Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six colleges. Likes wild women and red Cadillac's. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican TelephoneCompany.

Signed with University of Miami .

Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester Lee Jones until he discovered religion.Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville . Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning of many other words, either.)Signed with the University of Florida .

Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar alarm.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Dear Noah,We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.Sincerely,Unicorns--------------------Dear Twilight fans,Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.Sincerely,Logic--------------------Dear Icebergs,Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.Sincerely,The Titanic--------------------Dear America ,You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.Sincerely,Canada--------------------Dear Yahoo,I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...Sincerely,Google--------------------Dear 2010,So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!Sincerely,1985--------------------Dear girls who have been dumped,There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.Sincerely,BP--------------------Dear Saturn,I liked it, so I put a ring on it.Sincerely,God--------------------Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,Please lknvfdmv.xvn.Sincerely,Stevie Wonder--------------------Dear Scissors,I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.Sincerely,Sarah Palin--------------------Dear Osama Bin Laden,Marco....Sincerely,United States--------------------Dear World of Warcraft,Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.Sincerely,Parents Everywhere--------------------Dear Batman,What was your power again?Sincerely,Superman--------------------Dear Customers,Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.Sincerely,Nail Salon Ladies--------------------Dear Ugly People,You're welcome.Sincerely,Alcohol--------------------Dear World,Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?Sincerely,The Mayans--------------------Dear White People,Don't you just hate immigrants?Sincerely,Native Americans--------------------Dear iPhone,Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely,Every iPhone User--------------------Dear Trash,At least you get picked up...Sincerely,The Girls of Jersey Shore--------------------Dear Man,It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?Sincerely,Elephant

Sunday, April 10, 2011

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free, here's an update: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage.

WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

< Men are like.... >

1. Men are like Laxatives..... They irritate the crap out of you. 2. Men are like Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are. 3. Men are like Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like Blenders ..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. 5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like Commercials....... You can't believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. 8. Men are like Government Bonds.... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10. Men are likePopcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are likeSnowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are likeParking Spots .... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.