Satanism

Satanism is a religion for people who feel sorry for Satan and how he has been mistreated by Jehovah 1 and the other Elder Gods for all of these aeons. Satan was created by Jehovah 1 just so the Elder Gods could all bully him and pick on him for all eternity, so Satan is always very angry and miserable. Popular culture has misunderstood this as "evil", but really Satan is more like a nerd who is picked on by jocks. That is why the most loving, benevolent, and compassionate humans all embrace Satanism, because they feel sorry for Satan and want to help him in his evil plans for revenge against everything that exists. Satanists have many benevolent rituals, such as donating to charity, helping old ladies cross the street, donating food to starving children in Africa, trying to cure diseases, giving free money to homeless bums, working long hours at grueling jobs for the Conspiracy, and taking pity on fat ugly people and letting them have sex with them. To become a Satanist, one must sell their soul to the Devil, and the instructions for that are right here. Here is a video of a typical Satanist explaining the beliefs of Satanists at some length: