Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Definitely NOT overreacting

It's Monday, better step on the scale, see how much I gained last week --> I step on --> what? That can't be right --> step off, step back on --> WHAT? 5 lbs in a week? OMG, I'm gonna be huge --> wait, what if this means something's wrong --> oh no, I have hypertension --> the baby is going to be born preemie and small like Sacha --> I'm going to have to go on meds --> frick I hate pills --> good thing I have benefits --> Shoppers has shitty benefits --> maybe I should go to Shoppers and use their blood pressure machine --> yeah, I shouldn't get worked up for nothing --> I go to Shoppers, take off my coat --> stupid bubble jacket, frick I wish my other coat would fit right now --> I put my arm in the machine --> hum the jeopardy song to myself --> what? 148/80? That can't be right --> repeat jeopardy song --> oh crap, 143/86 --> I am getting hypertension --> I'm going to die --> I can feel the blood in my body pulsing against my skin --> that's definitely what having hypertension feels like --> what if I get preeclampsia again? --> I'm going to be stuck in the hospital and the baby is going to have to drink formula and won't nurse --> I'm fo sho going to die this time --> stupid uterus and its lack of stretching abilities --> that's totally what it is --> if I was living 200 years ago I'd be dead already --> I'm like those dumb cows who have to have their calves pulled out of them with ropes because they can't push them out properly --> that was so gross to see --> poor calf --> I can't believe they named him Matthew* and then butchered him --> Matthew tasted good, though --> it's not wrong to think that, right? --> how did I get on that? Man my mind is deranged...

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*Matthew was a calf that my aunt's family raised and butchered for meat. I don't know who named him Matthew, but I vividly recall my Baba commenting at a family meal that Matthew sure was tasty and tender.

Hrm. I was more disturbed when Mrs. Moo was chopped. I liked her. I also have completely random racing thoughts, zig zaging from topic to topic, then, when I reach a scary conclusion light years away and bring it to other's attention, I just come off autistic.....