Based on an actual conversation…

Its no secret, last month sucked….I lost people that I loved, my dog had to be put down, I couldn’t sleep, refused to eat and actually broke out like a high school sophmore a week before Homecoming…not to mention, my usually copious and over-active sex drive went on strike with no word when it would return….but it showed up last night, in the form of a super sexy, my voice is like hot molasses running all over you, let me pin you down with my big rambo-ey arms and show you what a woman like you does to a man like me…Vin Diesel Dream…..

I woke up singing like a lark and didn’t think much of it, went home for lunch with Mr. 99, like I do and he’s casually leafing through the fall magazines that have been pouring in…I sit down with him and he’s looking at me out of the corner of his eye….I finally can’t take it anymore and this is the conversation that ensued:

Me: What?

Him: Nothing….you just seem to be in a better mood today, that’s all.

Me: Is that bad?

Him: Nope, not at all. (He turns a few more pages) So….sleep well?

Me: Yeah actually, first time in a while that I haven’t had nightmares.

Him: That’s good….I’m glad to hear it….what DID you dream about?

Me: I don’t know…

Him: You don’t?

Me: …..um

Him: He was here last night, wasn’t he?

Me: Well…..

Him: Don’t deny it…you talk in your sleep you know.

Me: I’m sorry, don’t be jealous.

Him: Oh I’m not..I was starting to worry…I thought maybe you and Vin had a fight since he hadn’t been around in a while.

Me: Well we didn’t, I just wasn’t in the mood.

Him: How did he take that?

Me: Well, considering he’s a figment of my imagination…the fact that I haven’t dreamed of him in over a month speaks volumes about my estimation of his emotional sensitivity.

Him: Meaning you’re relationship with him is strictly phsyical fiction?

Me: Exactly.

Him: What an asshole….you should seriously find a better man to have a sub-conscious super sexual affair with…I mean really Nona…you can do better.

Me: You’re right….you know anyone up to the task?

Him: Well, I know this guy, pretty easy on the eyes, really sensitive and considerate…has a nice sense of humor and a great set of pecs….

Me: Pecs are important.

Him: So what do you think? (Sets the magazine down) Wanna take em for a test drive?

I’m sure I don’t need to elaborate what happened next…but it’s kind of awesome being a lady like me and married to a guy like Mr. 99….