Parents

TU Is A Real Community Of Caring People: Advice, Insights, Thoughts From Other TU Parents

Real Engagement, Real Community

TiffinUniversityworks hard to
provide real engagement, and not only for our students, but also
our parents. We know you have questions and
concerns – this is all normal. So we
contacted a few other parents for their advice, insights and
thoughts. We hope you find this information
useful. At TU, we believe in a real sense of
community, and this includes our parents!

It’s hard to let go of my child. This
is the first time my student has been so far away from
home. Any advice about coping?

It might make it easier to cope if you remember that
parenting your child over the years has been a series of
“letting go” experiences – kindergarten,
sleepovers, first date, driving. Through each
experience, you have empowered your child to develop
self-confidence and to take risks to find out who he or she is, and
what he or she is capable of. Life at college is
just the next in a series of steps for you as the
parent. Over these years you have helped your
child with decision making, with conflict and finance management,
and with taking care of personal needs. These
are all skills your child will be utilizing.
College, then, is a necessary next step for both you and your
child. This is not to say, of course, that this
will always be easy. Some parents find it
helpful to set up an informal support network with other parents
who are going through a similar process. And
some parents cope by arranging a schedule with their students about
phone calls and emails, visits to campus, and visits
home.

What about homesickness?

Students experience homesickness to varying
degrees. It is typically the worst for those
students who have spent very little time away from family and
friends. These students will want to cling to
the familiar because of fear of the unknown.
There are various things parents can do to help their students
through this painful transition. First,
encourage your child to give the campus environment and community a
chance. You can do this by encouraging your
child’s participation in activities on campus that have been
designed to help your child “get
connected.” Second, you can reassure your
child that your family will always be there for
support. Third, you can reassure your child that
he or she does not have to worry about the family at
home. Your student needs to focus on the new
life at school, both academically and socially.
Finally, you might consider sending “care packages”
from home with news from hometown papers, cookies, and other
familiar and favorite items. Be sure to write
often! An important tip – don’t ask
your child if he or she is homesick, because the power of
suggestion can be a dangerous thing.

I know my son/daughter is a legal adult now, but I feel that my
child still needs some guidance. How do I
provide that guidance while giving the space necessary to grow?

Your role as a parent changes at this stage in
life. You’re becoming an extremely
informed “consultant.” Your child
needs you to listen to his or her feelings without rushing in to
“fix” the problem. Try to help
sorting through your child’s options and the consequences of
those choices. A gentle
reminder:You are empowering your child
to be an adult independent of you! Your
child needs to know that you believe in him or her, and that you
will do your best to stand behind the decisions he or she
makes. Your child also needs to be reminded that
we all must make choices for ourselves without any guarantee of the
outcome. Avoid the “I have a right to
know” attitude and trust your child. Trust
as well that the core values that you raised your child with will
remain the part of who he or she is.

What can I anticipate during the first months my son/daughter is
away at college?

You can expect a variety of feelings from your child
– joy and relief and confidence at times, and sadness and
self doubts at other times. Your child will be defining who he or
she is separate from you, from the family, from old
friends. This challenge can be both exciting and
a little terrifying. Your child may deal with
the loss by withdrawing emotionally from you during this
time. Or, he or she might call quite often
during the first few weeks for reassurance.
It’s not unusual for a student’s grades to be somewhat
lower during this first semester as a result of all these
stressors. Don’t panic! Typically by the spring semester,
students feel more confident and more able to manage
stress.

If you have other questions, please feel free to contact
us. Your student’s success is also our
success! At TU, we make it real!