not sure how i feel

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blahpeant wrote:

i honestly don't know if I love my unborn baby...I have not been excited,been faking my happiness and when someone ask me if I am excited I say yes even though that is not how i really feel...I think something might be wrong with me like if I feel this way now how am i going to feel when they are born

is this your first? For me, this is my 5th. And while I’m excited about the future and the joy this little person will bring, I’m not over the moon excited right now. I know the love will come, but I’m being pulled in 100 differently directions I haven’t had the time to bond like I thought I would. I’m sure it will come later, but right now there are days I even forget I’m pregnant!

I’m pretty sure this is all normal. How yourself some time. Are you going to find out the gender? Maybe once you know, it will help you.

It's normal. Different women react differently to any situation. This is #5 (pregnancy #6), and I find that I never really get attached until later on in my pregnancies. I think after the 20 week anatomy scan, I start to feel closer, because I know more about the babies. Some women don't feel a connection until after they actually get to hold the babies in their arms, so it just depends on the person. It's normal to not feel a connection at this point.

Have you started to feel baby yet? That has always been a big one for me. I’ve lost 6 babies so it’s hard for me to let myself be attached. And it’s kind of surreal in the beginning of your first pregnancy

Why would you love them now? You’ve never met them. Hopefully you like them at least as much as any stranger, and would like them to have a good life, but being expected to love someone you’ve never met seems a bit much to me. I didn’t particularly like my first before she was born. I didn’t hate her or anything, and I meant to get pregnant, but she was just some stranger. I like her quite a lot now (she’s two). The one currently growing in me is another wanted baby who I don’t currently particularly care about. Don’t want to hurt it, but it’s just some stranger at the moment. I expect I’ll like it just fine once it gets born too :)

I'm in same boat. I know I'm gonna love this one as well but haven't bonded with this one like the others pregnanxy.this is my fourth child I guess having a full time job and being pull from hubby and kids I jus haven't had the time sit with this lil guy.

I didn't really "love" my daughter until she was around a month old, and even then it wasn't the same kind of love I feel for her now. Your baby is your baby but they're still a person you've never met and don't know anything about. My only thought when they handed her to me for the first time was "Huh. Who is that."

Kind of the same this time around. I wasn't even really that thrilled about it until near the end of my first trimester and now I'm happy but not really in love or anything. I like the idea of her but I don't know her, love comes later.

@blahpeant I feel the same way. This is my first baby and nothing like what I expected. At 14 wks I am still sick, life is in shambles, & I feel like People mean well when they ask questions but it just reminds me of how unhappy I am. I am not even happy with my fiancée. I haven’t been able to work due to the chronic sickness and have no family for support. I won’t even be having a baby shower because no one will show up. I want to love my baby but never saw myself being a mother and am not feeling attached. I feel a need to protect it and prepare for it but it’s certainly not a love type of feeling. Feels more like a burden to me and makes me even more exhausted.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t feel like it was even real during my pregnancy. I didn’t even have that “love at first sight” feeling after my son was born either and felt like something was wrong with me. I eventually fell in love with him but I remember wishing someone had told me that that is normal. Some people (like me) bond after they have the baby, some bond during the pregnancy. I also had PPD and my first pregnancy was unplanned and I was not in an ideal situation, so those things played a factor too, I’m sure. Talk to your doctor if you have concerns of depression, but if you just don’t feel excited yet, I think that’s pretty normal.

I wasn’t unhappy when I had my first pregnancy, but I wasn’t gushing about baby, I honestly didn’t like being pregnant and feeling like my body as being taken over by someone else. When my son was born, I was relieved but also shocked since I had the feeling he was going to be a girl. My husband fell in love with him the moment he saw him. It actually took me a couple days. I mean I was in awe that we made a little human and felt I needed to protect him, but as I got to know him I just loved him more and more. He’s 18 months now and I am obsessed with him, he is the light of my life! And being away from him is hard. I think everyone is different but I have to get to know someone, baby included, to love them. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that.

If you fear PPD you should speak to a professional, there’s no shame in that. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression and I just had my first therapy appointment yesterday and I feel that it helped a lot. Just saying better to be prepared then to just wait.

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