Godparents to be religious guides, not babysitters

November 04, 2007

Dear Annie: Years ago, I asked my cousin and her husband to be my son's godparents. I was a single mother and wanted two people who would be there to help guide him. Needless to say, I made a poor decision. Neither of them has any type of relationship with my son. They see him once a year during the holidays. I have made attempts to take my son to see my cousin, but it is always on her terms. I work all year and have very little vacation time, yet my cousin is home all summer and most of December. How hard would it be for her to take her godchild for a few days? I think my son deserves better than to have me throw him at people who don't seem to care. I would like to say something - diplomatically, of course. However, my mother thinks this would cause family problems. It's hard to bite my tongue, and I am beginning to be very resentful. They took a vow and are not honoring it. What should I do? - Frustrated in New York Dear New York: Godparents are intended to be religious guides, not baby sitters. They should maintain regular contact with your son, but the frequency can vary substantially. If your cousin and her husband are not particularly religious, they may not understand their obligation as godparents. Have a friendly talk with your cousin and explain that you'd like them to be more involved in your son's life and exactly what you believe that entails. If they balk, ask if they would mind if you found someone else to take over the duties of godparents. (Your church can help you with that process.) Giver assumes control Dear Annie: I am in my early 30s with a small child. I recently went through some hard times and moved back home with my parents. My parents feel it is their responsibility to help me financially. I have never asked them for money. I work two jobs and have put a little away in savings. I'd like to use that money to take a small vacation. The only major expense would be the airfare, and I have enough for that. My parents are completely against the trip. They feel I would not be able to afford the airfare if they hadn't been helping me for the last few months. I agree, but on the other hand, I need a little time with friends to relax and just have a good time. I'm an adult. Can my parents still treat me as a child? - Tired in Omaha Dear Tired: When adult children live at home, parents are prone to treating them as children. Your parents want you to save enough to have your own place, and need to know their efforts to help you are not being frittered away on less-than-necessary things. They also may not want to baby-sit for your child while you are away, in which case, you should make other arrangements. Then you can thank them for their concern and say you need a break from your two-job routine so you can come back refreshed and productive. Anne says 'mea culpa' Dear Annie: Your response to “No Boundaries in Michigan” was a real disappointment. You advised her to look for an apartment and roommates through campus housing or search craigslist.org. Craigslist.org is a competitor of the daily newspapers that run your column. In most markets across the nation, we are still the No. 1 source for advertising information, including apartment rentals. I am shocked that you would not even mention the newspaper as a trusted advertising source. - Iowa Editor Dear Iowa: If we could figure out how to say “mea culpa” in plural form, we'd plaster it all over the column. You are absolutely right. We read our local newspapers every day. They are a wonderful resource for finding apartments, roommates and everything else. Thanks for the smack. We needed that. Contact Annie's Mailbox: Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Suite 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045.