Friday, September 24, 2010

Geraldine Dreadful MP Writes ... to Ed Miliband

Dear Ed,

First of all, let me be the first to congratulate you on your glorious and welcome success in the election to become leader of our great and valuable party. It is a revolutionary victory for socialism, it was an enormous honour to have supported your campaign the whole way through the election, and it was an absolute joy, when asked who I had voted for and who I was supporting, to reply 'the more attractive of the Miliband brothers'.

Now the festival of democracy that is our party's internal election machine is completed, it will of course be time for you to fill the key positions within your shadow cabinet; it is vital for you to understand who is loyally willing to stand by your side in the great enterprise of bringing our Labour Party back to power.

You will of course be aware of my involvement in the Labour Party Justice for Malta group, the All-Party Group for a Focus on Cypriot Tourism, the Trade Union Friends of Bodrum group and the Labour Co-Op Costa Del Sol Human Rights Watchdog. I have made it my business to engage in international affairs from a very early age, and consider the tan from the various fact finding trips I have made in solidarity with those causes (some 43 trips in all) a scar of battle.

I think you will agree that this marks me out as someone uniquely qualified to take on the hated adenoidal toff William Hague in the House. As Foreign Secretary, (a racist term which should be amended) I believe I would forge a distinctive and coherent identity for Labour's foreign policy, in line with the best traditions of Marxist-Bevanite-Kinnockism.

In addition, I have my passport and my full complement of vaccinations, as well as ESTA travel clearance to the USA for the next six months. And a pass in O-Level Francais.

When Sunder Katwala accuses Geraldine Dreaduful of lacking a sense of humour you have to wonder where satire begins. I admit it's cheap to laugh at hackneyed, self-regarding holier than thou leftism....but turning to Geraldine....