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Six Lessons In Management

One or two of these I have heard before, in different forms and circumstances, but the rest are new. And how true they can be!

LESSON 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up with hers, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs, and when she opens the door, there stands the next-door neighbor, Bob.

Before she can say a word, Bob says "I'll give you $800.00 to drop that towel." After thinking about it for a second, the woman drops the towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob silently hands her the money, turns around, and leaves. The woman then wraps herself back up with the towel and goes back up-stairs.

When she gets to the bedroom, her husband asks "Who was that at the door?"

"It was Bob, the next door neighbor." she replies.

"Oh great!" said the husband. "Did he say anything aboyt the $800.00 dollars he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY?

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON 2

A priest offered a nun a lift into town. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident, but after getting the car under control he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

"Father, remember Psalm 129?", the nun said.

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again!

Once more, the nun said "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized again, saying "I'm sorry sister, but the flesh is weak!" They arrived at the convent, and the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. When the priest got back to his church, the first thing he did was rush to look up Psalm 129, to see how he had offended the nun.

It says " Go forth and seek, further up, you will find Glory"

MORAL OF THE STORY?

If you are not well informed about your job, you will miss great opportunities.

LESSON 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager were walking to lunch when they found an antique oil lamp. They rub it, and a Genie pops out and says "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first!, me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat without a care in the world."

Puff, she vanishes.

"Me next!, me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii relaxing on a beach with my own personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life."

Puff, he's gone.

OK, you're up." says the genie to the manager, "What do you want?"

The manager says "I want those two idiots back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY?

Always let your boss speak first.

LESSON 4

An eagle was sitting up on a tree, resting and doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered "Sure, why not?"

So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it up.

MORAL OF THE STORY?

To be successfully sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

LESSON 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to get to the top of that tree." said the turkey. "But I just do not have the energy."

The bull says "Why don't you nibble on some of my droppings? They are packed with nutrients!"

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to fly up and reach the lowest limb of the tree. The next day, after eating some more of the dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by the farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

MORAL OF THE STORY?

Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

LESSON 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that he froze and fell to the ground in the middle of a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped a large pile of dung directly on top of the small bird. As the frozen bird lay there in the steaming pile of cow dung, he began to realize just how warm he was!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy, because he was not freezing after all.

A passing cat heard the singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of dung, promptly dug him out, and ate him.

MORAL OF THE STORY?

1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you are in deep shit, it is best to keep your mouth shut!

So, while this is on the surface a series of lessons in management, I find that it can also be applied to all areas of life-both RL and virtual! In fact, many of these lessons translate very well to the forum.....especially the last two!