Conservative or Liberal, Deist or Pagan, Jersey transplant or Lehigh Valley native, we're all in this mess together. Let's talk. Let us do no harm. Today's one-liner: "The shortest way to the distinguishing excellence of any writer is through his hostile critics." Richard LeGallienne

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Monday, April 06, 2015

I Caught A Campaign Sign Thief

It's that time of the years. After a cold and unforgiving winter that I was beginning to think would never end, the robins are back. Baseball diamonds and soccer fields are filling up with kids instead of snow. And another rite of Spring, the primary campaign season, has started. Volunteers plant signs instead of flowers. Just as inevitably, charges of campaign thievery are made. I'm here to tell you that on Good Friday, the same day that Christ was nailed to the cross, I caught a campaign thief red-handed. And let him go.

I've always wanted to catch a campaign sign thief, but it's pretty hard. Years ago,long before he was a Bethlehem Township Commissioner, Pat Breslin was accused of some sort of campaign sign chicanery, But no charges were ever filed. Back in 2003, Bangor Mayor Joe Capozzolo was caught by a cop, defacing a campaign sign, and charged. But that's rare. Even when caught on candid camera, like the above Donovan sign thief in last year's Allentown Mayoral race, it's hard to make a positive ID.

Last week, as is the case every election season, I was told that Candidate A was stealing the campaign signs of Candidate B. One particular sign, planted at 4:30 am every morning, was already stolen three times in spite of being drilled into the ground and secured with bricks.

I decided to do a stake out. It's what we bottom-feeding bloggers do. So on Good Friday, after the sign was planted outside a local business, I hid beside a dumpster, thermos in one hand and camera in the other, ready to catch the bastard.

Let me tell you, it might still be chilly in the early morning, but the pungent aromas from the dumpster kept me awake. They also added an intriguing flavor to my coffee. Still, it's boring work.

But it paid off, Around 6:30 am, I saw a person stealing signs from both Candidates A and B.

It was the owner of the business, who probably didn't have the heart to tell either candidate that he doesn't want signs.

I tased him anyway.

Bastard made me get up early.

After all the excitement was over, I went for breakfast and from there to the courthouse. The doors were locked so I went back to my car to wait. I returned about 8:30 am, and learned from the night watchman that the courthouse was closed for the holiday.

15 comments:

Anonymous
said...

What about the guy a few years ago, was it in Emmaus, who marooned his car in a field, and there were campaign signs of a rival in it? Or they fell out or something? Was he a council member, and resigned? Maybe alcohol involved?

12:19, yes I am. Son, we live in a world that has walls. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves campaign signs. Deep down. in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me by that dumpster. You need me By that dumpsteR.

Mr. Capozzolo, If you want to defend yourself, identify yourself. yes, the symbol for NO on a campaign sign endorsing someone actually defaces that campaign sign. That's why you were charged. It's dishonest. As for doing it "right in front of a cop," that's because you are fairly stupid in addition to being one of those slimy people who mess with the signs of others. Go, Joe, indeed. Go away. I consider the source.

I was at the Courthouse in Northampton county twice this week. and they have closed the Executives office for Easter. I went up in the elevator and got off the wrong floor by mistake. It didn't seem to busy so I looked around and peeked into some darkened rooms. That was at 9:40 A.M. What time does the people on the fourth floor start working? When you get off the elevator the rooms on the right have someone in them and the rooms on the left are all dark. Just curious.