They’re tough-as-nails patriots, sold out by a bunch of desk jockeys. But now these red-white-and-blue vigilantes are going to use their elite skills to turn the tables on the turncoats who are . . .

Wait a minute.

Doesn’t this sound awfully familiar?

Well, it should — because that was already pretty much the plot behind this year’s “The Losers” and “The A-Team.” (It has more than a passing resemblance to this year’s “Knight and Day” and “Salt,” too).

The only difference is that this movie (also, like “The Losers,” based on a cult comic) is called “Red” and stars Bruce Willis, and four — count ’em! — Oscar winners.

And that, despite all of them, big, shiny, stupid “Red” has nearly nothing going for it except its own wastefulness.

It’s as if the studio simply assembled a huge pile of money in the middle of the back lot, set it ablaze and started filming.

Movie ReviewRED

(PG-13) Summit (111 min.) Directed by Robert Schwentke. With Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovich. Now playing in New Jersey.Ratings note: The film contains violence and strong language.Stephen Whitty's review: ONE AND A HALF STARS

And I wish they had, because it would have been more interesting to watch than this.

The movie begins with Willis, a retired CIA agent, living alone with his memories and his smirk. But then a team of freelance assassins burst in and try to kill him. (Guess what? They don’t.) And soon Willis — and old pals Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren — have rejoined forces to find out why.

The answer has something to do with Richard Dreyfuss. But getting there also requires the charms of Mary-Louise Parker (who seems to be in another movie and should be), Rebecca Pidgeon (more unpleasant than usual as an icy CIA chief), and the still-up-for-anything Ernest Borgnine.

It might be bearable if (as in “Knight and Day”) there were even a fleeting moment of wit. Or if (as in “The Losers”) the picture accepted its own witlessness and even indulged it with a bit of camp or amusingly over-the-top action.

But no such luck, in a movie solely powered by small minds, large guns and an electric-bass-and-bongos soundtrack that feels lifted from an old cop show. And as for the plot — well, even for a Bruce Willis movie, it makes no sense.

Why, for example, does Pidgeon send her top agent into a top-secret archive to get a highly classified report which she knows reveals — absolutely nothing? Why does Willis break into someone’s home to hold a family hostage — and then leave without accomplishing anything? Why am I still sitting here an hour-and-a-half later, watching this?

Oh, that’s right. I get paid to.

But you don’t. And while there’s some fleeting enjoyment to be had seeing Helen Mirren in camouflage, firing off enormous automatic weapons — really, if MGM ever gets its act together, I think she should be the next James Bond — there’s nothing here worth your time, or your dollars.