In "I was hoping we could've settled this off-line" news, the I-wonder-how-long-I-can-continue-to-push-these-sex-charges-back homey R. Kelly recently filed a lawsuit to prevent his guardhouse from being torn down.

Oh really EbenGregory.is there foolishness involved?

Yes.

The Jewelry Man is informed that it's been two years since R&B superstar R. Kelly had a guardhouse built in front of his gated Olympia Fields estate. But it was only last month that he asked the village board for the permits he should have gotten when he built it. The village board denied the request, and on Tuesday Kelly filed suit in Cook County Circuit Court.

It seems Kells wants a judge to reverse the board's decision and allow his guardhouse to stand because he's "a nationally known, Grammy award-winning recording artist." In an already filed lawsuit, the village says it wants the guardhouse torn down, as it was built without proper permission.

Here's the funny.the village lawsuit also accuses Kelly of allowing his dogs to roam the neighborhood and says he has improperly parked buses and trailers in front of his estate, violating local zoning laws.

Here's the village president and Kelly neighbor Linzy Jones on being feed up with Kells: It's just one thing after another with this guy. He acts as if he doesn't have to live up to the same high standards everyone else lives up to in Olympia Fields. Kelly's property is already surrounded by a 6- to 8-foot-high wrought-iron fence and he cited no examples of privacy violations when he made his request to the village board.

Here's the village president and Kelly neighbor Linzy Jones on why Kelly said he needs the guardhouse: He just said, 'I need it because I'm a celebrity.' We've got judges who live here who are much more concerned about their safety.

And speaking of being a celebrity.

Here's some Marc Jacobs jewelry being dropped by EbenGregory on Kelly filing a lawsuit to stop the village from tearing down his house: Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

In "I ain't riding dirty-ha ha, he-he" news, the Texas homey Chamillionaire recently had his tour bus pulled over and searched by police while on a trip to Oklahoma.

Hmm.sounds like somebody was in store for a "spread your legs and empty your pockets" scenario huh EbenGregory?

Yes.

Here's Chamillionaire to MTV on what happened while he was on his way to Oklahoma: A squad car pulled over my tour bus on the highway, and the officers rifled through everyone's belongings. Once the police saw that my tour bus was wrapped with my face and logo, they began harassing the people on the bus.

Oh really.what happened next?

Here's Chamillionaire to MTV on what happened next: The cops brought out the dogs and everything. They were asking for me. I guess they was really talking trash. They didn't find nothing. They tore the whole bus apart. They said that normally when they take somebody to jail, they play Afroman's 'Because I Got High.' But they said since it was a special occasion, they were going to play 'Ridin.' It was crazy. The bus was clean though, so no arrests were made.

That's nice..like a mouth full of pepper spray while wearing platinum gangsta grills. And speaking of chokehold.do you think the po-po has a beef with you?

Here's Chamillionaire to MTV on whether or not po-po have beef with him: I came across an e-mail from an irate police officer who thought "Ridin" was unfair. [He said] all cops were not bad and I had to remember that cops put their life on the line for people like us. He said something along the lines of, 'Next time you make a song like that, think of cops who aren't with their families that protect other people's lives.' Man, it ain't about everybody; just the cops who try to catch you ridin' dirty. Somebody had to speak on it. There are cops who be racially profiling. They're acting like [racial profiling] is new. Once somebody starts exposing it to the mainstream, they start complaining.

And speaking of complaining.

Here's some jewelry being dropped by EbenGregory on the Oklahoma po-po trying to catch Chamillionaire riding dirty: Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.

In "Now that I've dropped some dead weight, I'm getting money" news, the Destiny's Child homey Beyoncé has set Sept. 5 as the U.S. release date for her sophomore solo effort "B'Day."

Oh really EbenGregory.tell me more.

The Jewelry Man is informed that the new disc set hits stores on Sept. 4th and that Beyonce co-produced, wrote and arranged all the tracks on the new offering. Co-producers include Rich Harrison, the Neptunes and Swizz Beatz.

The Jewelry man is also informed that the first single off the album is "Déja vu" featuring Jay-Z and co-produced by Rodney Jerkins. "B'Day" will be the follow-up to Beyoncé's 2003 solo debut "Dangerously In Love" which has moved over 4.3 million copies in the United States.

On another note, the big bad B is also expanding her clothing line, House of Deréon (taken from her grandmother's name), to include a juniors division, which will be simply called Deréon.

Here's Beyonce's mom Tina Knowles on getting money from hocking junior's clothes: It's been in our business plan all along. But I am often approached by Beyoncé's young fans asking when a junior line would be launched, so I felt now was the time.

The collection, which will consist of denim, knits, fur jackets and vests, is slated to launch this holiday season in select specialty stores that target women in their teens and early 20s. And speaking of trying to resuscitate a dead story.

Here's some boring looking jewelry being dropped by EbenGregory on Beyonce dropping a new CD on her birthday: Those who dance are thought to be quite insane by those who cannot hear the music. Is your volume turned up?

In "I'm a Cakeaholic.where's the money" news, the I-want-the-world-to-buy-more-Pro Keds homey Dame Dash recently closed a deal to have his artists distributed through Koch.

Wow, that's nice EbenGregory.just one question: what artists?

The Jewelry Man is informed that the first artist to release new music off the label will be dancehall sensation Sizzla. I know what you're thinking, who's Sizzla?

Here's Koch president Bob Frank on trying to get money with Dame Dash: We are all very excited about these deals with such talented partners and are looking forward to long, fruitful and profitable partnership.

In January '05, Dash used to try and get money with through a joint venture with the Island Def Jam Music Group. Unfortunately, after a few months of drama, Universal announced it was dropping the label due to various business conflicts with Dash.

In addition to their recent signings, Koch Records also serves as label home to Snoop Dogg, Jim Jones, The Diplomats and D-Block, among others. That's nice.like breaking your femur bone while wearing purple ice over rose gold. And speaking of laughing.

Here's some silver pawn shop jewelry being dropped by EbenGregory on Dame Dash signing a distribution deal with Koch Records: We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do. Besides, a yawn may not be polite, but at least it is an honest opinion.