Comedy, life, expat, just fun

S.W.C

Have you wandered in to the online world of chatting or dating? Total shit-show, no? I was a late bloomer to the internet, never mind the chat lines, singles sites and we’ll save the opinionated back chat for another post.

Living in a city where I don’t know anyone or speak the language, I will admit it does get lonely. Chatrooms for ‘just chat’ are as boring as watching a cheese documentary. One to one chats can be a bit better, but mostly meant just want you to type them a blow job. If you do find a nice person to chat to, it turns out they are just lonely as well, sometimes away from family and friends. Sometimes they just want to call you ‘Mommy’ and have to ram stuff up their bums.

Online dating sites can be a bit of bother to navigate as well. I tried this a few years ago when I was still living in Toronto. I barely had a profile and picture up when the pokes, nods, winks, and messages starting pouring in. I was very honest in my profile and had a recent, albeit decent picture up. By decent I mean, soft lighting, several feet back from the laptop camera and a wine glass covering most of my face.

Mostly men were honest, as well. A few creeps, “I shag my sister”. Oh, do I have to, as well? Most men are basic and not very complicated. “I just want dinner now and then and sex” They are also very very willing to just come over. Two minutes into a chat and they are heading out.

“Hows about I just grab a bottle of wine and come over?”

“Oh, you are sweet, but there is no need for you to drive all the way across the city, not at this hour. Tell you what, Love. How about I just email you all my banking information and pass codes and then punch myself in the face?

“I’ll even go you one further, drop half a roofie in my wine and rape myself with the cat brush”