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I Have An Irrational Fear Of…………

Phobia…. The irrational fear of aversion of something…. Now….I may be going out on a limb here…but isn’t irrational…. something that isn’t rational..??… Something that can’t be explained through logic and reason…..??… If so than I know what it is to be irrationally fearful or phobic of a couple of things… And for damn good reason….

When I was ten … I got in a fairly bad accident which caused me not only to break every bone in my foot…. but cut my foot in between my big toe and pointer toe about an inch long all the way through…..(basically… it cut my foot in half between those toes)….. Since my foot was broken and I was going to have to wear a cast…the ER doctor decided that stitching me up would not be the an option… so they were just going to clean it out…. throw a temporary cast on me and send me home until I went to an orthopedic doctor the next day…. And clean it out they did…. Of course they did numb me….( I hated that because I don’t like needles…. ) which made it better….but the best way to describe it was… not a good time…. Once my foot was nice and squeaky clean… the good doctor came in and told me I was going to have to get not one… but two… antibiotic shots… in my hip…..(more needles)…

After the doctor pulled my pants down and stabbed me in what he called my hips…(pretty sure it was my ass cheeks)….I was told I had to hang tight for a bit…(a bit apparently means two hours for us that don’t understand ER lingo) to make sure I didn’t have an allergic reaction to what I was taking…..

After about ten minutes… I saw a man walk by my little room….(you know the ER “room”with no walls and no door)… clutching his stomach… He went into his little room…. A few minutes later I heard the most god awful sound on the planet…. That man…. was throwing up…. And it was hitting the floor and splattering and since I could not see what was happening…. my little ten year old brain must have drew some wicked conclusions ( I didn’t realize he was throwing up for a few minutes) because to this day I suffer from a terribly debilitating case of emitophobia….. And I mean debilitating…. I have a hard time using public restrooms because I might hear someone throw up… I will not watch a movie unless I know the exact moment of a puking scene….. If someone coughs… I jump…. It’s awful and all of the desensitizing exercises I’ve tried…never yield lasting results….It goes away for a while…then comes back much much stronger than before…..

I also suffer from claustrophobia…(which is why I don’t fly)… but not acrophobia (fear of heights) or aviophobia (fear of planes)… This is why I also stay out of elevators….However… I don’t like stairs if they have gaps between the steps…but I’m not afraid of them….I do use extra caution when climbing these types of stairs…..and I get to where I need to be…..

So that…. my friends….is a true phobia….

It hinders my ability to do certain things…..

And trust me when I say that just because I dislike something doesn’t mean I’m afraid of it….

I don’t like needles…. in fact I hate the fucking things……but they don’t scare me…..

I don’t care for artichokes…. but not because I’m terrified that I’m going to choke on one….(I just don’t like the way they smell)

I’m cautious when I see a woman pulling out of a parking lot onto the road… but that’s not because I’m in fear for my life… I just don’t want my insurance premiums to raise if she does something stupid….

I don’t agree with the gender identity thing…but I’m not afraid that a man in a dress is going to try to rape me….I’m not transphobic…

I’m not a huge fan of Italian food …but I’m not fearful of going to an Italian restaurant because the waiter might be from Italy….I’m not xenophobic…..

I’m leery of Muslims because I’ve read the work of their prophet and he… nor they… don’t seem to care for us white westerners…..but I don’t run down the street in the opposite direction when I see one…..I’m not islamophobic…..

That is a rational suspicion……not a phobia… and if you try to take it a step further and call me racist…. Please remember ….