Archive for May, 2009

At Crypticon, in Seattle, June 5-7, I will be performing my Brutally Evil Satan Show…which is an hour-long comedy performance that is so evil it is retarded.

By retarded, I mean this retarded:

There will also be a bizarro fiction event with readings from Jeremy Robert Johnson, Mykle Hansen, Bruce Taylor, Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, Forrest Armstrong, Daniel Scott Buck, and Gina Ranalli, as well as a “Create Your Own Story” panel with Jeremy Robert Johnson, Cameron Pierce, John Skipp and Cody Goodfellow, where audience members tell the panelists story ideas and the panelists must improvise the story on the spot.

The “Create Your Own Story” panel will be at 1pm Saturday in the Fidalgo Room.
The “Brutally Evil Satan Show” with Carlton Mellick III will be at 6pm in the Fidalgo Room.
The “Bizarro Fiction Hour” will be at 9pm in the Olympic room.

There might also be a release party for the first issue of The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction, but time and place is TBD.

Cameron Pierce will be interviewed live on the online show The Lair of the Yak tomorrow night. Cameron is a bizarro author who has been a part of the scene ever since he was a teenager and is one of the most dedicated bizarros I know. His first book about giant flying sharks in the garden of Eden, Shark Hunting In Paradise Garden, which came out last year, has been acclaimed by many to be one of the best bizarro books out there. Jeff Burk, the editor of The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction, has called Cameron the bizarro author’s bizarro author. He’s just got a wild imagination and a keen sense of the strange.

But Cameron as a person is even more fascinating than his writing. From his crazy Meat Magick performances (that are kind of like insane puppet shows that use meat instead of puppets…such as fresh squid, whole fish, pig feet, chicken feet, and duck heads) to his strange food creations (such as weird meat pies that contain curried fish and cocoa puffs) to the time he brought a crack dealer home with him just because he thought it would be funny (and then spread peanut butter all over his face while in a conversation with him as if it were the most normal thing to do in the world).

Here is a clip from one of his Meat Magick shows that he did in his bedroom for a group of party-goers:

Here is another clip of Cameron Pierce. It takes place at Ground Kontrol (a retro arcade) where Cameron Pierce and Jeremy Robert Johnson, author of Angel Dust Apocalypse, battle each other one-handed in the game of Mortal Kombat (they are playing one-handed so they can drink PBR while they play). This clip really has nothing to do with anything, but you will see me in the background playing Robotron.

Here’s the clip:

Right now Cameron is working as an intern for Eraserhead Press, and also working on his second book, The Ass Goblins of Auschwitz, which will be released later this year. If you want to learn more about Cameron Pierce check out the Lair of the Yak tomorrow night. If you miss it you can still watch it on the Lair of the Yak website later on.

I was asked this question last night by young writer named Miles, so I decided to blog about it today.

The question was:

How do you guys or the publisher discern what is bizarro and what is weird for weirds sake?

This was my answer:

Well, in a way, all bizarro is weird for the sake of weird. Just as horror is scary for the sake of scary. But weird can have different meanings for different people. Sometimes weird means interesting, sometimes weird means nonsensical, sometimes weird means funny. Bizarro isn’t all definitions of weird.

If it is weird for the sake of being interesting or weird for the sake of being funny, then that is bizarro.

If it is weird for the sake of being random or weird for the sake of being nonsensical, then it is not bizarro.

Really, though, the term “weird for the sake of weird” is just bizarro when it is weird but boring. When writing bizarro you want it to be so weird it is interesting, not so weird it is boring. Usually, the way you make it interesting-weird instead of boring-weird is through good storytelling. A good storyteller can make anything worth reading no matter how weird it is. A bad writer can make anything boring no matter how weird it is. However, what is good writing and what is bad writing, what is interesting and what is boring…these are all opinions and can vary from person to person. One person’s bizarro might be another person’s “weird for the sake of weird.”

Another thing I want to mention is that there are certain people out there who think all weirdness in fiction has to be a metaphor, or have a deep hidden meaning, otherwise it is “weird for the sake of weird.” These people, I have to say, are complete douche bags. Never listen to them. While creating a metaphor through weirdness can be interesting, it can also be very very lame if handled incorrectly. A story about woman who gives birth to a marshmallow could be interesting on its own. It raises questions: how would the mother take care of a marshmallow baby? Would the family dog try to eat it? What would its childhood be like? What could it be when it grows up? These could be interesting avenues to explore. However, this story could just be a metaphor for the fragility of youth…which would, more likely than not, just come off as really really lame.

So, my advice is: never force meaning upon your weirdness. Just focus on telling an interesting story. More often than not, the meaning will slip in naturally. It should be so subtle that a reader wouldn’t even notice it until their third or fourth read through. If it’s too heavy-handed it will make people groan. Don’t make people groan.

If anyone else has questions like this that you’d like me to blog about email them to me: carltonmellick3 at yahoo.com.

Daniel Scott Buck, author of the bizarro children’s book The Kissing Bug, has created a big reading event. Readings will be performed by other Portland bizarro authors Cameron Pierce and Jeff Burk, as well as readings from members of the Portland Lit Offensive.

It’s on Thursday May 28th 7pm @ Ella Street Social Club 714 sw 20th Place in Portland, OR

I’ve already read it, so I know. This is an incredible magazine featuring some of the best bizarro fiction. Andersen Prunty’s novella “The Sex Beast of Scurvy Coast,” a weird and a bit perverted Scooby Doo parody, is one of the most entertaining pieces of bizarro fiction hands down. His story alone is worth the $7 cover price.

THE MAGAZINE OF BIZARRO FICTION
Issue #1

Fiction

“Justice in Amerry-Ka” by Bruce Taylor
You’re on trial by two giant spiders. Then things get bad.

“The Sex Beast of Scurvy Island” by Andersen Prunty
What if Scooby and the gang were traveling pornographers?

“Puzzles” by Michael James Gibbs
Sudoku is much harder without eyes.

“The Pistol Burps” by Jordan Krall
A surreal and violent prequel to Krall’s forthcoming Spaghetti Western collection, Fistful of Feet.

“Victim: A Story Inspired by Takashi Miike” by Jeremy C. Shipp
A severed penis head and clowns await you.

“Mr. Plush Detective” by Garrett Cook
A Teddy Bear detective in a world of furries.

Comics

“Four Scenes” by Jeremy Kemp
Scenes of joy, decay, and the surreal.

“Power Flower” by Andrew Goldfarb
Man versus flower!

Nonfiction

Punk Rock and Mother Punching: Author Spotlight on Gina Ranalli by Jeff Burk
A career overview and analysis of bizarro figurehead Gina Ranalli

My Bear Will Kick Your Ass: Reflections on Bizarro Book Promotion by Mykle Hansen
The trials and joys of a DIY bizarro book tour.

How to Write a Short Story! By Bradley Sands
English Grads, listen up!

The Squishiest Place on Earth: Report on BizarroCon 2008 by Jeff BurkThe sights, sounds, smell, and quotes from the first BizarroCon.

The 2008 Wonderland Awards
Book Roundup

Regular Features

A Rant from the Editor by Jeff Burk
Welcome and “What is Bizarro?”

Bizarro Book Reviews by Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, and Forrest Armstrong
Reviews of The Faggiest Vampire by Carlton Mellick III, The Caterer: Issue #3 by Steve Aylett, Shark Hunting in Paradise Garden by Cameron Pierce, House of Houses by Kevin L. Donihe, Piecemeal June by Jordan Krall, Discouraging at Best by John Edward Lawson, 13 Thorns by Gus Fink and Gina Ranalli, This City is Alive by Forrest Armstrong, Every Sigh, The End by Jason Hornsby, and The Menstruating Mall by Carlton Mellick III

The Bizarro Books that Never Were: Omega Flappy by Kevin L. Donihe
Kevin L. Donihe talks about The Flappy Parts.

Pages

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"

—Christopher Moore

"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."

—Cory Doctorow

CARLTON MELLICK III is the Wonderland Book Award-winning author of over 45 novels, including Quicksand House, Bio Melt, Cuddly Holocaust and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. In 2013, he was named one of the top 20 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian UK. His work has appeared in The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror, The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade, and Vice Magazine.

Featured Titles

The Terrible Thing That HappensIn a post-apocalypse world, a small community of scavengers must survive by looting a grocery store that's stuck in a time loop.Dark and surreal.

The Tick PeopleIn a city where people live like parasites on the back of a giant animal, a professional sadness-maker discovers that his soul mate is a hideous mutant.Dark and surreal.

Hungry BugIn a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction. Gritty and pulpy.

ClusterfuckA bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code. Comical and violent.

Quicksand HouseTwo children who have never met their parents before, even though they live in the same house with them, must fight for survival once their nursery becomes uninhabitable. Dark and Dystopian.

Village of the MermaidsAn eccentric doctor travels to an isolated village of carnivorous mermaids to investigate a new disease spreading through the herd of human livestock. Dark and Dystopian.

Cuddly HolocaustA tale of survival set in a world where most of the human race has been exterminated by vicious stuffed animals.Apocalyptic and brutal.

The Morbidly Obese NinjaA 700 pound killing machine must go against his corporate employers in order to save a terminal child. Pulpy and fun.

Crab TownA bizarre bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto.Dystopian and relevant.

Zombies and ShitIt's Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead in a fight to the death game of survival where twenty contestants are put against each other in the middle of the zombie wasteland. Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

Warrior Wolf Women of the WastelandA Wonderland Book Award-winning novel about a three-armed man who finds himself in the middle of a war between a gang of road warrior werewolves and mutants from a dystopian version of McDonaldland.
Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

The Cannibals of CandylandA man finds himself imprisoned in an under ground world populated by child-eating mutants made of candy. Erotic and horrific.

ApeshitA parody of cabin in the woods horror stories where the victims turn out to be far more deranged than the mutant killers who hunt them.
Campy and fucked up.

The Egg ManIt is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.Dark, dystopian, and ugly.

Cybernetrix
A dark and bizarre parody of the movie Tron where a game world and our world bleed together into one reality. Pulpy and awesome.

The Faggiest VampireA bizarro children's book about two vampire rivals competing in a mustache contest to determine which one is the faggiest. Cute and relevant.

The Ultra FuckersA landscaper and a trio of Japanese punks find themselves stranded in a suburban gated community that seems to go on forever. Nightmarish and absurd.

Adolf in WonderlandNazis from an alternate world of absolute perfection go down the rabbit hole into a dark surreal world of chaos and imperfection.Absurd and horrific.

Bizarro Starter Kits

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"If you like satires which are highly imaginative, subversive, gory, funny as hell and completely surreal CM3 may be your literary messiah."

—Ricardo Gonzalez Del Valle

"CM3 is the most imaginative writer since Lethem and Vonnegut. Different, and absolutely thought provoking..."

—Daniel McCreary

"Carlton Mellick creates fascinating and intricate worlds out of meat, slime, sexuality, wire, and the kind of nightmares that make you laugh when you wake up."

—Jemiah Jefferson

"Brilliant writing that oozes into your skull and melts your brain like a box of a zillion crayons."

—Idiot Alien Thought Creature

"His books are from another universe."

—Cameron Pierce

"Mellick is smarter than the dumbness he tries to coat his writing in; you feel like you're reading a comic or watching MTV - but that underneath there is something deeper and smarter than the cartoonish presentation before your eyes."

—Euchrid

"Through childlike narration Mr. Mellick can present to his reader some of the most curious and knee-slapingly hysterical blaspheme."

—Ian David McGowen

"There is depth behind his simplistic prose, and humor all around it. What at first seems unsophisticated quickly becomes a firm identity to the characters, and you realize the intelligence behind the naivety. Yes, it's all on purpose, and you've just been had!"

—Schtinky

"Mellick has definitely joined the ranks of the bizarre literary geniuses such as Burroughs, Philip K. Dick, and Vonnegut."

—Charles Glover

"Mellick's imagination is boundless, and his writing truly shows this. His characters, plot, and writing style are original, enjoyable, and inspiring."

My new book “The Terrible Thing That Happens” is now available. THE TERRIBLE THING THAT HAPPENS “A new spin on the post-apocalypse genre. One you won’t soon forget.” –Garrett Cook, author of A God of Hungry Walls There is a grocery store. The last grocery store in the world. It stands alone in the middle […]

15 years ago, my first novel SATAN BURGER was published. When it came out I really didn’t expect it to do well. I wrote it for fun, just for myself, not expecting anyone would ever even read it. I mean it’s basically just about a group of 20-year-olds who get jobs working at a Satan-themed […]

My new book, “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes,” is now available. EVERY TIME WE MEET AT THE DAIRY QUEEN, YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FACE EXPLODES Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one […]

My 48th book, BIO MELT, is now available. This is one of the longer and darker novels I’ve written, along the lines of Tumor Fruit, Zombies and Shit, and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. I hope you check it out. BIO MELT Nobody goes into the Wire District anymore. The place is an industrial […]

Here’s a complete list of Italian editions of my books published through Vaporteppa Publishing. They include: Cannibals of Candyland, Armadillo Fists, Cuddly Holocaust, The Handsome Squirm, Village of the Mermaids, Kill Ball, The Haunted Vagina, The Morbidly Obese Ninja and War Slut.

My new book, CLOWNFELLAS, is now available from Random House Hydra. I had a blast writing this book. I hope you check it out. CLOWNFELLAS In a topsy-turvy world where clowns are killers and crooks, Little Bigtop is a three-ring circus of crime, and no syndicate is more dangerous than the Bozo family. From the […]

My new serial killer book, As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face, is now available. I hope you check it out. AS SHE STABBED ME GENTLY IN THE FACE Oksana Maslovskiy is an award-winning artist, an internationally adored fashion model, and one of the most infamous serial killers this country has ever known. She […]

My new book, Sweet Story, is now available. Although it’s on the short side, it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written this year. I hope you check it out. SWEET STORY Sally is an odd little girl. It’s not because she dresses as if she’s from the Edwardian era or spends most of her […]

I’m happy to announce that my 44th book is now available. Unlike my last few books, this is a short quick read and somewhat similar in tone to my early bizarro novellas like Teeth and Tongue Landscape, Steel Breakfast Era or Ugly Heaven. I hope you check it out. THE TICK PEOPLE They call it […]