A Mars A Day Helps al-Megrahi Play

Convicted Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, who was released early from his sentence for medical reasons, has revealed the secret of his new found longevity. Originally given only three months to live al-Megrahi has survived for over eleven months since leaving Scotland. “I am convinced” said al-Megrahi yesterday, “that it is the diet of deep fried Mars bars that has helped me survive so long. This was the only food I was allowed in Barlinnie where I was first imprisoned – a Scottish delicacy I was informed – and frankly, by the time I left I was completely hooked. People often ask why I needed such a big aircraft to bring me home and it’s because it contained several years supply of Mars bars donated on the direct orders of Scottish Justice Minister Kenny McAskill as necessary “medical supplies”.
One problem was that no-one in Libya understood the fine culinary art of cooking Mars bars so they enlisted the help of Jock McTaggart – onetime chef at the Sporran & Haggis pub in Glasgow. Jock said “It’s a reet pleasure to be cooking the Scottish National dish in the middle of the desert”.
The downside of the revelation is that American Senator Robert Menendez, currently organising a congressional inquiry into al-Megrahi’s early release, has immediately targeted the makers of Mars bars as being complicit in the plot to release the convicted terrorist. “Cadbury’s are as guilty as hell!” he said. When it was pointed out that Cadbury’s are now American and they don’t make Mars anyway he said: “These things are cooked in oil. This proves that BP is fully involved in the al-Megrahi case.”
Senator Menendez has now called for Nicola Sturgeon (Scottish Minister for Food), Harry Ramsden and the Milky Bar Kid to give evidence in person at the hearings.

The Scotch and the Libyans actually have a lot in common. As such I could see the scotch food catching on, it has been common knowledge for a long time that Gaddafi likes the odd tipple of Jameson's...