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Becoming an Adult

Last summer was spent smoking on my balcony questioning life, experiencing sex (or the lack of it there was), 'heartbreak' and obnoxious people.

I got 2 tickets to Iron Maiden baby x

It sounds pretty deep because I wanted it to be. I wanted to feel fucking effected: drinking during the day and feeling like nobody 'got' me. It even got to the point where I'd listen to Chopin whilst swiping through Tinder whilst balling my eyes out. Kurt Cobain or what? Montage of Shit lol !!!
My parents liked to remind me that I wasn't 'taking responsibility' for myself and wasn't living in the real world. Of course, this just fuelled my feelings of self pity and languor. 'I'm Just A Teenage Dirtbag' became my anthem. Not really, but it did make me feel like a wild child !! ;)

Now, summer has a different tune. It no longer sounds like Rhythm n blues, it sounds like Alphabeat. Or maybe Mika actually. This whole year has been really 'self evaluative' to be honest; experiencing all that profound shit like epiphanies and major downfalls. I decided that I couldn't have a summer like the last and that I really needed to get my shit together.

live x laugh x luv x

Currently I'm working at a nursery with a class of 3 to 4 year olds. I never really liked kids because they always would ride over my feet with their scooters, or cry or make the tubes that bit more unbearable than they already are. So, yeah, this job feels slightly paradoxical. I'm called 'Miss Anna' which boosts my ego and the kids seem to like me. I maybe get too involved/emotionally invested to the job. Last week the kids listened to a story about a Mother Owl who left the baby but then always came back. All the kids were laughing and I just sat at the back sobbing. The class did yoga (how quaint) and I was in hysterics for the whole thing. All of them were being taught how to say 'Namaste' when I see one of the boys pick up his foot and gnaw on his toenails. He was borderline smug with himself. I sat there in awe of such a legend!

ur truth only comes from within- anna xxx

Also, I get really hungry on the job. The kids eat an hour before my shift ends. They seem to get a bit frustrated/confused because to fulfil my hunger I always ask them what they've got in their lunch box. Sometimes they ignore me but Rome wasn't built in a day!! Lol.
Part of me hopes I'm not turning into a middle aged mother who shops at Boden. I've developed a new found love for cleaning my bedroom, mostly because I blAst My IpOd Up!! FULL VOL!!!! LOL. I also now shop at fresh fruit and vegetable shops. Today I dunked my face in a bucket of water (bobbing for Nectarines) just to win a bag full of cherries. As my soaking wet face came out that bucket I felt an extremely sad amount of triumph. I don't think I'll go back to that grocers.

By next month I think I should get a tattoo or piercing to feel alive or like I can listen to Katy Perry's 'Teenage Dream' and fully understand her.