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Topic: Is this common? (Read 7839 times)

I just received a save the date magnet in the mail from a couple I've never even heard of before. It's addressed correctly to me, my name at my address - but I have no clue who these people might be, how they got my address, or how they think they know me. I'd think it was a mistake, but I have a very uncommon last name and we've paid extra to keep our address out of the phone book. The combination of correct address and correct name makes me think they must have gotten my info from someone, but I have no idea who. Their picture is on the magnet, and I've never seen either of these people.

Is it common to send save the date notices to strangers? What do I do if they send an invitation? (Obviously RSVP to decline, but should I mention that I might not be who they thought I was?)

One of them might be a son/daughter of a coworker/long lost aunt/2nd cousin once removed/politician. Do you Facebook? Can you look up their names on Facebook and see if you have any Facebook Friends in common.

I'm just thinking they might have some sort of relationship with you. I remember that when I graduated, my parents had me sending out announcements to people I didn't know. They were friends of my folks, relatives I hadn't remembered, etc.

I've gotten two from my cousins' kids. I never heard of them, but finally found out from a 3rd cousin.

We did attend the weddings, by the way, and had a delightful time at each, catching up with cousins and meeting the children, who were both wonderful people, as I had expected they would be.

(One of them had her name changed during a divorce, and for the other, I had forgotten her married name. Glad we went. Cousin 1 passed away 3 weeks later, and cousin 2 and I have become pretty good friends, again.)

LOL, yeah, I have gotten those before,I have a huge family I barely know. They are probably your second cousin twice removed or something like that. I will bet 20 bucks that they sent the magnet to keep someone's Mom happy. In fact, I'm pretty sure the conversation went like this:

"But you have to send lurkerwisp a STD magnet, she's great uncle Bob's, second cousin's daughter's niece. Don't you remember her? You met her once when you were two and you guys played all afternoon! She'll be crushed if you don't invite her, just CRUSHED!". Cue over dramatics and hyperbole about the importance of faaaaammmmilllly.

I've gotten two from my cousins' kids. I never heard of them, but finally found out from a 3rd cousin.

We did attend the weddings, by the way, and had a delightful time at each, catching up with cousins and meeting the children, who were both wonderful people, as I had expected they would be.

(One of them had her name changed during a divorce, and for the other, I had forgotten her married name. Glad we went. Cousin 1 passed away 3 weeks later, and cousin 2 and I have become pretty good friends, again.)

I'm pretty close to my cousins on Mom's side and there aren't any on Dad's. My cousins' children are 1 and 2 years old, so that's not possible. I'd wonder about cousins of cousins, but the return address is local and my family is mostly not. I don't know pretty much any of DH's family (who also aren't local), but the envelope was addressed only to me.

One of them might be a son/daughter of a coworker/long lost aunt/2nd cousin once removed/politician. Do you Facebook? Can you look up their names on Facebook and see if you have any Facebook Friends in common.

I'm just thinking they might have some sort of relationship with you. I remember that when I graduated, my parents had me sending out announcements to people I didn't know. They were friends of my folks, relatives I hadn't remembered, etc.

Last names aren't the same as any of my coworkers, and it's not someone I'm Facebook friends with or someone I have common Facebook friends with. Maybe a politician then?

LOL, yeah, I have gotten those before,I have a huge family I barely know. They are probably your second cousin twice removed or something like that. I will bet 20 bucks that they sent the magnet to keep someone's Mom happy. In fact, I'm pretty sure the conversation went like this:

"But you have to send lurkerwisp a STD magnet, she's great uncle Bob's, second cousin's daughter's niece. Don't you remember her? You met her once when you were two and you guys played all afternoon! She'll be crushed if you don't invite, just CRUSHED!". Cue over dramatics and hyperbole about the importance of faaaaammmmilllly.

So they sent the magnet to shut her up.

Haha okay that does make sense. Good to know this isn't super strange. I can see it maybe being one of Evil!Grandma's assisted living buddies' grandkids or something. I guess I'll just ignore it and RSVP to decline if an invite follows.

I'd just keep an ear open to see who else might be talking about the wedding. Since it's a local couple, my guess is it's a coworker's kid or someone you used to know through church or something. If you get all the way from now to when the invitations come out and you still haven't heard any of your family, friends, or co-workers talking about a wedding, you can just RSVP "no" and decline to send a gift.

It's not common to send save the dates/invitations to strangers (I hope); but I would venture to say that you probably know a parent, grandparent and just aren't familiar with this couple...and also that the person you know sent you the save the date, not the actual couple. Is the last name of either of them familiar? Or perhaps something about the return address?

For my graduation I sent announcements to everyone I cared about, and my mother had me send to relatives I didn't know and friends of hers I didn't know all that well (but she did). I think that's typical. For my sister's wedding, same thing. It was clear many wouldn't attend. A couple of her wedding guests were important people in my mother's world. I don't know the etiquette of that. I think this is somewhat common as well.

When I was married, we would get a few wedding announcements with invite to a reception from strangers. My ex-husband's family is enormous. I would ask my husband if he knew who they were. Most of the time he didn't but we could reasonably assume they were related somehow and we were important to the parents of the bride or groom, or an aunt or uncle. Maybe you can track down who they are through other family.

I could see it happening to my friend Amy. Her MIL is one of seven children or something like that; Amy's DH has first cousins he wouldn't know if he passed them on the street. When they were planning their wedding her (future) MIL was pressuring her to invite a lot of those people and she just refused--not only would it have inflated the guest list by a huge amount (if they all came), her (future) DH knew almost nothing about most of them.

But if it's not relatives, it might be the daughter of your hairstylist that you met once who has a different last name, or something like that. Hopefully if you keep an ear open as you go about your usual activities, someone will mention it.

The next question is--if/when someone mentions it, is it polite to go, "Oh, so that's who those people are! I had no clue when I got the magnet." Okay, I'm sure that wording isn't polite, but is it ever appropriate to show confusion about why you even received an invitation to something?

I got a wedding invitation from someone once that I didn't know. The last name was the same as mine but I didn't recognize the first one. I finally asked my grandmother if she knew who it was. She kind of laughed and said that they were confused at first, too. But then they figured out that my cousin had changed his name. The name he changed it to was a longer form of the nickname I knew him as (for instance, his actual birth name was Bill, we always called him John and the name on the invitation was Johnstonian - or something like that!) It all made sense in the end (well, for that part of the family, anyway! ), but it sure was confusing for a while.

So it could be someone that you know but is now using a different name than you think.

I could see it happening to my friend Amy. Her MIL is one of seven children or something like that; Amy's DH has first cousins he wouldn't know if he passed them on the street. When they were planning their wedding her (future) MIL was pressuring her to invite a lot of those people and she just refused--not only would it have inflated the guest list by a huge amount (if they all came), her (future) DH knew almost nothing about most of them.

But if it's not relatives, it might be the daughter of your hairstylist that you met once who has a different last name, or something like that. Hopefully if you keep an ear open as you go about your usual activities, someone will mention it.

The next question is--if/when someone mentions it, is it polite to go, "Oh, so that's who those people are! I had no clue when I got the magnet." Okay, I'm sure that wording isn't polite, but is it ever appropriate to show confusion about why you even received an invitation to something?

Mom once struck up a conversation with a stranger in a grocery store line and they were comparing notes on something....when the stranger gave Mom an odd look about her comment about an older relaive (family story - geneological researchers, both of them). Turned out that her husband's family had an eerily similar story.

It was Mom's first cousin's once removed's wife.....

But they didn't get any STD cards from people that they didn't recognize because those weren't in use when most of the family members were getting married. Once the STD came into fashion, it was the second cousins twice removed getting married and the FAMILY members knew to include a personal comment mentioning that my grandmother, your cousin Gina said to say "hi!" or some similar "reminder" as to who they were. Which was very smart of cousin Gina or her grandchild.....but didn't mean that Mom & Dad ended up going to the wedding or sending a gift.