Neutral language – an act of elegance March 12, 2011

One of my prime aims, both professionally and personally is to be able to communicate elegantly. What I mean by ‘elegance’ in this context is this: Think of being at a function of some kind and in walks someone who you consider to be elegant. It may not be immediately evident as to what exactly makes them appear that way. It is likely to be that whatever it is they are wearing, their appearance, manner and actions just seem to be perfectly suited to the occasion, it simply works.
Now, apply this to communication. An elegant communicator will be someone who, although it may be difficult to discern at the time, will listen, attend, observe, respond, question and gesture in exactly the way that is needed at the time; needed by the other person or parties to the conversation.

So if this is indeed an accurate concept, what goes into the communication wardrobe of an elegant communicator?

1. Ability to quickly build rapport.
2. Ability to listen and respond with empathy – key ingredient of no1.
3. Able to keep own communication ‘clean’ i.e. without introducing personal interpretation, bias, assumption, filtering. Hard, not impossible and ultimately critical to success.
4. A genuine unconditional positive regard. The ability to be tough on the issues and not on the person. Able to maintain or enhance self-esteem
5. Encourage others through showing interest. The only way to do this authentically is to be genuinely interested.
6. Congruence – litmus paper test. What you say or do needs to be matched by how you look and sound when you say or do it. Open and honest communication draws heavily from this.

About...

Vincent Cornelius MAC* Active as a coach for over 20 years* Member of the Association for Coaching (MAC)* Member of the European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC)* Work in Higher Education (De Montfort University) as a staff developer* MD of Morpheus Coaching Consultancy