Luc Carl

That boy is a monster…’s ex-boyfriend, now that Lady Gaga broke up with Lüc Carl, her on-again, off-again boyfriend since 2005. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend and haven’t been on any dates recently,” the Edge Of Glory singer admits on tonight’s episode of Britain’s Graham Norton Show. Carl was spotted at Lady Gaga’s birthday fete in March, so it sounds like recently is all a matter of perspective. Ugh, of course their break-up would come now. Do you know how sweet that smokey sax would have sounded over a torch song? Sugary sweet. Like honey.

As highly, highly questionable as we found Lüc Carl “Drunk Diet” book, it’s sad to hear the man responsible for Lady Gaga enjoying sex is out of the picture. We do, however, look forward to the inevitable break-up album the singer will write next year. Though knowing how completely indecipherable her lyrics typically, someone is bound to get confused and think she is insulting the New Testament. Again.

If there’s anyone we’d let eat our heart and then eat our brain, you know it’s our girl Gaga. As if we weren’t already hyperventilating with excitement over the February 11 release of her new single, Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” cover art popped up on her Twitter with the message, “Trois Jours,” as in three days until the song’s release. In our humble opinion, Lady Gaga (PHOTOS) looks like a sexy cross between “Dope Show”-era Marilyn Manson and Howie Mandel in Little Monsters. We wouldn’t want it any other way.

Speaking of new projects that terrify us on a primal level, Gaga’s rumored boyfriend Lüc Carl’s weight-loss book “The Drunk Diet” is set to be published this year. Carl details his journey from couch slug to hot enough to allegedly date the world’s most fabulous diva (who isn’t currently married to Jay-Z). “After reading countless books and being told time after time that it’s impossible to lose weight while drinking alcohol heavily, Lüc Carl decided to take matters into his own hands,” Carl’s website claims. “Join him on his journey to lose 40 pounds, without giving up his principles of being a hard drinking party maker.” We’re pretty sure that diet would turn you into whatever beast Lady Gaga is trying to depict in her cover photo. But…40 lbs, you say?