I am possessed by
the devil and it feels good. I've never done a drug in my entire
life. I need help. Mental Help! I just tore the pages of the
bible. I can't believe things can get this bad. I thought I was
normal. Well guess what, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks,
no ones normal. It's not like they say on television where I can
make things levitate but I could do much SCARIER things, a lot
scarier, I won't though. I can't help but wonder why I'm crazy,
it's no ones fault but my own. I'm weak but I'm strong. The devil
is strong in me but Jesus is there to. I can go to the mirror and
move my eyes and still see the whites of my eyeballs in the
mirror, power I've never had before. What's wrong with me?

****************************************************

I couldn't even
begin to describe to you what pissed me off this particular
night. I will never remember because I guess it was just a bad
day. I can guarantee this had something to do with being a fag
and how I was struggling with the religious struggle again. I
mean come on, who says they are possessed by the devil.

It would only make
sense to me I was feeling sexually demented and academically
worn. As if to run away from my gay issues I would dive into my
homework as a way to avoid my problems with being homo. This is
the end result of trying to hide away from it.

I hope I start coming to some
conclusions to my sexuality soon but with all things, it must get
much worse before it gets better. My writing becomes much more
complex when dealing with homosexuality because again I'm hiding
from myself at this point. Wish me luck on interpretation from this
point on.