…tales of an American expat in southeast Asia…

Skimming the Surface

In my short two years here in Malaysia, I have gotten a nice overview of Malay, Chinese and Indian culture. But, by no means have I delved deeply into the local culture – I usually feel more like I’m skimming the surface.

It’s a strange feeling – having lived in a place for just about 2 years and not feeling like you know much more about it than when you arrived. For me, this is very different than when I lived in Germany and Italy. In Europe, it seemed like you could not live in a city without transforming yourself and adapting to the local culture.

Here, I almost feel like I’m living in the US – I have all the conveniences of home, including a common language. I certainly have never felt the culture shock I felt in Germany. I know this is why some people refer to KL as an “expat paradise” but I’m not entirely sure that’s a good thing. On the one hand, this has been a truly wonderful experience – easy, relaxing, comfortable and fun. On the other hand, I find it a little bit sad.

When I left Munich, I truly felt like it was my home, for good and for bad, as homes usually are. Often times I actually find myself thinking that I will wake up, shivering, in Munich and this will all have been a wonderful vacation. I know Munich so well, the city, the people, the culture. It is actually the longest place I have ever lived as an adult. It took me years to feel like I fit into to the Munich life, but once I made it, everything clicked. It became my home.

I’m not sure I will ever have that same experience here in KL. It is just too easy to stay on the surface, spending my time doing the usual things, meeting the usual people, visiting the usual places. I would have to work harder to integrate myself into Malaysian culture than I would to just drift along on top… And I’m not sure I even know where to begin…

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I completely understand how you feel. I have also lived in Germany and Italy as an expat, and in both countries I was pretty integrated into the local culture. But here in Zurich, I seem to live in a seperate, expat-only plane of existence. The fact that I speak High German barely helps, since the locals for the most part seem to prefer speaking English to High German. It’s strange to be so detached from where I live.

Kim,
I had the same experience in KL but attributed it to it being my first time overseas and KL being an easy place to live. Interesting to here that you with your experiences elsewhere felt the same way.

As I made my move to Singapore, one of my goals was to be more involved and already I am much more involved locally, but much of that is because the situation here is different. For example, having a lighter course schedule allows me to sometimes go out to the coffee shop for lunch with some of the local hires who are Singaporean. I also have ventured out a few times with a local knitting group that meets at different coffee shops each month. I feel very much the ugly Ang Mo there, but they are too kind to not welcome me, so I keep going.

In both cases, I think it has been easier for me to hang out with the locals because in many ways, the locals here are more like me than they were in KL. Where you are working, there is often a big education gap between you and the locals, which sets up a weird heirarchy of sorts.

I’ll be interested to see if you have this same experience at your next school. Give us an update in a year!

What do you do in KL? I have found that when I have lived abroad, it depends a lot on my purpose there. In Argentina, from the first day, I was forced to speak Spanish and talk to a lot of local people. In Hong Kong I was teaching kids English, which was fun, because I would often have conversations with them about culture, thier lives and families, etc, and my boss was a HK Chinese who was amazing and we had lots of great conversations and I was invited to locals’ homes every once in a while. But here in Italy, I’m pretty much a tourist, so while I have picked up a bit of Italian and have to go to the grocery store on a weekly basis, I still don’t feel nearly as integrated as I may have in other places. Sometimes it’s challenging being an Expat somewhere where there is a large expat population because you can get into a comfort zone very easily that can then prevent you from experiencing a lot of other great things…

I remember being in Zurich and everyone speaking such excellent English. At the time I was so relieved (we were living in Munich and sometimes I just wanted to speak English), but it must be so frustrating for you – wanting to speak German, but having people speak to you in English instead (I, of course, always wanted to speak in English, due to my extensive laziness).

Susan,

I definitely think part of it is the “developing world” issue – what you mention about the education gap. Also, KL is just so easy – I would honestly have to work to interact with the local population, whereas in Germany it was just a fact of every day life. I’ve never lived in a developing country before, but I wonder if this is a standard scenario for some of those “expat-friendly” places?

Sijbrich,

I’m a teacher in international schools (same job as in Germany). It does tend to provide a circle of expats to socialize with, and is definitely an already established community. But, there is definitely something different about our lives in KL.

We had a very similar working environment in Munich, yet we interacted with the locals all the time, and had plenty of local friends. I think it was unavoidable in Germany. At the beginning I really resisted, but by the end of my five years, I felt like I belonged. Here, I don’t really feel like there’s anything to resist. We just float along on a superficial cloud every day. I think it is part of the KL lifestyle.

I’m really not complaining, because it’s so unbelievably easy to live here, but it is strange for me, not actually even feeling like I live in a different country…

its funny you should say that about KL, as i find it quite the opposite. but it does really depend on the people you hang out with. i’ve heard people say things that are complete opposites about KL. for example, some say its dirt cheap, which it can be, while others that its bloody expensive, which it can be too. and these are expats.

personally i’ve found it one of the easiest places to get integrated into, eat with the locals, live with the locals, etc.

having said that, youre right it is very expat friendly, and that might be the problem. we all head to the expat areas cos thats where we all live, some work, and play. like a little colony. and because its sooo expat friendly i think you do have to make a bit of an effort to “get local” as it were.

but once you do manage it, theres a whole new world out there. ummm 3 new worlds actually what with the 3 main ethnicities and religions.

funnily enough, despite all the apparent racial harmony, the 3 main races actually know very little about each other, more than in other parts of the world, but they themselves are still kinda skimming the surface as yuo put it.

but when you do get your foot inthe door, english actually helps in getting integrated and learning more about them.

oh and being an expat it took a while before my local friends finally understood that no, i didnt want to go to a tgi fridays/starbucks/zouk/english/irish pub cos i can get that anywhere. it takes them a while, but when they realise it, theres so many local places down the back alleys that you’d never find in a tourist guide book.

I agree with Susan’s point about an education gap between foreign and local hires … I think there’s also economic gaps and religious gaps and cultural gaps and they’re all just a lot wider than what we’re used to. I don’t want to offend any Malaysians, but I almost feel like there are separate “castes” of people who occupy the same physical space but live enormously separate lives from each other. I think it is confusing for us in terms of “fitting in”.

That probably made no sense but here’s a concrete example: I don’t say hello to the guards in my building any more. I did when I moved here, for several months. They’re human, they’re guarding my building, I’m friendly, why not say hello? I slowly started to give up. 1/4 of the time they’re asleep. 1/4 of the time they’re too engrossed in talking to each other to look up at me. 1/4 of the time they’re doing this sort of 1000-yard guard stare which is indistinguishable from sleep. And 1/4 of the time they’re completely new guards who I’ve never seen before, since they seem to have an entirely new staff like once a month. So I gradually stopped saying hello. Now I just walk by them and nod. I usually get no response at all. I realize now that it’s because we live on different planets. When I walk by the guards it’s like a duck walking past a rhinoceros. What do those two species have to say to each other? Not much.

Thanks for the motivation! The really bizarre thing is, when we got here we were so excited to see all the lame expat places that I’m embarrassed to be seen at because there was none of that in Germany. That probably didn’t help my acculturation much…

Albtraum,

YES! You hit the nail on the head. I used to be so nice and smiley with the guards. I wanted to know their names and chat with them. Now I barely even acknowledge them when I walk by. I don’t like that about myself, but I almost feel like they prefer it…

You bring up an excellent point about the distinct groups too – who do we “fit in” with? I guess it turns out it’s the other expats… Bummer…

thats just it actually, if you look closely alot of ethnicities tend to stick to their own kind, a kind of safety in numbers as it were…… so i guess its no surprise that they do that with foreigners,…. especially since alot of foreingers tend to find other foreigners, like at the aforementioned irish/american/japanese bars and restaraunts.

its natural i suppose.

i’ve been an expat all my life so i dont even fit in with my own nationality. which i suppose gives me a an edge to getting stuck in with new cultures.

put it this way, the locals give you your space. so integrating really does become your choice unlike in other countries where youre forced to learn the language and culture or die 😛

but yeah if you do get drawn in, word of warning, they’ll never leave you alone lol! but not in a bad way….. just your calendar will be pretty full is all,… oh and you might end up putting on quite a few pounds from the food 😛

I’m so glad to know it’s not just me! I really am interested in becoming more involved and knowledgeable about local culture while living in KL, but since everything is so expat-friendly here, it’s so easy to slip back into what’s familiar. It really doesn’t help things that I work from home, so I don’t get the interaction with coworkers that my husband does. So I feel like I’m behind the curve a bit when it comes to assimilating, living in my little expat bubble.

And the guard comment is so true! I did the exact same thing when we first moved here, always smiling and saying hello, which was basically the way I was brought up – to me it seems like common courtesy – but I never got much reaction and it seemed like they were more comfortable if I didn’t do that. So now I just nod to them, but it still feels like I’m being a bit impolite, even though I think they prefer it.

About

superkimbo has been living overseas since 2000 - the first five years in Munich, Germany, then two years in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and currently in Bangkok, Thailand. superkimbo enjoys the married life with the wonderful albtraum. Nosy? Read more about superkimbo here.