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June 2, 2010

Its raining. And its exactly how I feel. I don't want to do anything, I just want to lay down. All day. I'm doing better today then yesterday- not as emotional! I miss him so much. Mrs. C sent me a text last night(I was at work) when she got the last phone call. He was yelling off of a script and she didn't have time to say anything. She said it sounded horrible and made her sick. She's afraid of the hell he will being going through. As much as I wanted the last phone call... maybe it was better she got it. I don't know if I could have handled it. I wrote him a letter last night too. I'll send it as soon as he writes me. I hope and pray he does great down there and I hope he's careful not to get hurt. I want him to be done on time. I can't stand being away from him. I have to work today. I don't really feel like it, but I know it will keep me sane.

I got the room cleaned up a lot this morning. Its a lot nicer now that its not cluttered. I still have things to go through, though. I alphabetized my dvd collection also. Then stood in front of all of them(which is A LOT) for ten minutes and was like "wow, I don't want to watch any of these". :( I also weighed myself. I had lost a few pounds the last couple of days. Haven't really been eating or drinking much. My weight is: 221. I've gained 40 pounds since the beginning of the year :\ My goal: to lose as much as I can! I'm just going to go for it and do what I can. I need to start going to the Y, but since I normally work till midnight, I don't get up until 11 or noon... and its hard to go to the Y before I have to be back at work. I'll make it work though.