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Working Ranch 101 – Class Three

Thank you for joining our class session. Today we’ll be looking at the dirtier, less glamorous side of cattle ranching. As I said yesterday, we preg-tested many of our cows last week. In other words, we examined the cows to find out how many of them are pregnant–or “bred”–and how far along they are.

We begin the day by gathering the herd of cows and placing them into a holding pen. Then the cows begin their journey down a narrow alley leading to the veterinarian, who will examine them. The cowboys keep them moving along:

Our trusty vet puts on a fresh glove in preparation for the dirty work ahead:

It’s a weighty job, but somebody’s gotta do it.

Once the cow is locked in the chute, the vet begins slowly and gingerly. (Girls like it that way.)

Then he takes the plunge, inserting his arm”¦

“¦as far as it will go into the cow’s rectum. Once his arm is all the way inside, the vet goes through a series of checkpoints to ascertain whether the cow is pregnant. He checks the position of the cervix and whether the ovaries contain fluid. The next step is feeling the embryo to determine its age.

It’s important for a vet always to wear a smile, even when his arm is deep inside a cow’s rectum.

This is exactly how I feel when I’m at the obstetrician:

“¦and this is how quickly I run from his office. I know exactly what the poor cow is thinking: “Get me the hell OUT of here!”

As with all other ranch activities, preg-testing is a family affair. Our girls separate the bred cows from the non-bred cows by opening or closing the gate as the cows exit the working chute. They think nothing of the grotesque goings-on a mere ten feet away.

And now, my dear, dear readers, we’re almost to the end of this particular class. I would withhold the following photo if I allowed myself to be ruled by fear that you’ll leave me if I post gross photos. I would withhold the following photo if I weren’t all about”¦keepin’ it real.

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Comments

Wow. Now that’s real life!Thanks for sharing – love reading your blog. And looking at most of your photos… 🙂

Heather

I love the smiling vet pictures!

Pam

So..I made it this far. Do I get an ‘A’?Okay, so I’m a nurse. I’ve said that before. But I’m curious. Would you indulge me just a bit? Why the feces? Isn’t he checking the vagina? Or does the cow just defecate because of pressure in the vagina with the vet’s arm up there? And, feeling the embryo? Good God…why doesn’t that cause trauman to the embryo? And that means they must force open the cervix to do that….OOOWWWWWW?Okay…maybe I really don’t wanna know. Sheesh.Is class dismissed? I’m outa here.?Pam

Jenni in KS

Hmmm…do I show this to my future veterinarian dd or not? So far she only has experience helping the town vet with small animals and seeing easy stuff like draining an abcess or spaying and neutering. I wonder what she will think about all of *this*, LOL. I can identify completely with both you and the cows. That’s exactly how I’ve always felt–a visit to the ob/gyn is no fun! I recently got to hear the other side of the story, though. I had the wife of a doctor tell me she was just glad he was still interested after everything he had to see all day!

Anonymous

so how many cows were knocked up?

bekah

I still don’t understand why they need to stick their hand (and arm) up the cow’s poop shoot to find out if they’re pregnant. Don’t cows have vaginas? I think I need more of a lesson on the anatomy of cows.

Ree

Pamela…his arm is inside the cow’s rectum. (And don’t worry…it took me three days to realize that, and I was actually there!Bekah…it would jeopardize the embryo to insert it into the vagina. Answer your question?🙂 Bekah, I’m not sure if you should be looking at these photos in your delicate state…

pixielyn

Ahhhhhh kinda like when the doc puts her hands in a plastic glove and gives your human cervix and working female parts a “feel” in the rectum right? doesnt jepordize anything but can feel around for lumps and bumps.wowzers.during the whole thing I just kept thinking “holy crap”!

Pamela

I knew that answer from DIRTY JOBS. I was absorbed in that show.It is amazing to see how nonchalant your kids are about everything that happens.When I was about 5 my uncle butchered a bunch of our chickens at our house. He was a very onery old guy – and let them flop around afterwards. I was traumatized.

momto3cubs

Since I’ve never lived on a farm or ranch, I enjoy your blog. Thanks for the class. How many cows did the vet have to check, and what was the pregnancy success ratio?

catalinakel

I’m thinking you guys must be unschoolers. What an education! Love, love, love that the whole fam does the ranch. Is this typical of ranch families. I know so little about where our meat comes from. Ignorance was bliss.

The Fairy Wogdog

“rect-um” hell, Killed em both…Swamp Hare

brooke

Ree~ Thanks for the lesson! This makes our visits to the OB a lot easier than those poor cows! I will never complain again…..thank god we only have to pee on a stick!! OH MY I can’t even imagine…

James Cooper

The expression on the cow’s face just says it all, doesn’t it? So, Ree, why weren’t you giving the doc a hand?*ba dum bum*

sasha

Whoa. Your vet looks WAY too happy about this.

bekah

Thank GOD my OB doesn’t have to insert his arm into my ass to find out if the baby is okay. Thank GOD for Doppler and ultrasounds! I think I’d never have wanted a child if I knew I’d get an arm up my behind every time I went in for a check up.

bekah

Oh and two more things:I want to know if the vet is smiling because he knows that smiling surpresses the gag reflex? and two: Please, never show us a photo of a cow being slaughtered. I eat meat and I buy leather, but I’d rather not see how they get killed. So… it’s just a request.

dawn

Well this was definetly an education. I am glad to be a woman and not a cow. I bet they don’t pay those vets enough. Great, educational post. Thanks

Ree

Bekah, we don’t have anything to do with the slaughter process. We simply raise the cattle and care for them. So there won’t be any such photos here…I wouldn’t like them, either.Thanks for attending class, everyone. And for giving me your honest, shoot-from-the-hip comments.🙂

Bethany Rae

The vet is cute. Can I get his number?

Becky

Oh Ree…does that ever bring back memories of the farm in Washington. Believe it or not, I have actually HAD my arm up a cow’s butt, as well has “pulled” a calf….LOL

Swampwitch

Ree…did you already know all this from your classes at USC, or is this new learing from the last few years?Can’t believe today’s WORD VERIFICATION: DNAcaVery appropriate for today’s lesson.