Columbus sets off for Pakistan, discovers Mumbai, asked to apologize

Mumbai. Christopher Columbus, the famous Netscape navigator and Internet explorer, who wrongly termed Americans as Indians more than five centuries back, has done it again. After leaving his hometown in Italy on a voyage to Pakistan, Columbus landed last month on Gateway of India in Mumbai, and has been insistent since then that he had indeed landed on Pakistani soil, a claim that has hurt the sentiments of the sons of the soil.

“This is another attempt by another Romeputra (son of Rome) to take away Mumbai from the Marathi Manoos. If this moron mariner doesn’t apologize for his remarks, MNS activists will make sure that he’d even forget his own name and no one would be able to discover him.” MNS leader Raj Thackeray threatened, asking for an immediate apology from the latest one to define Mumbai.

Portrait of Christopher Columbus, who discovered a place that is now full of migrants

But Columbus is not ready to buzz from his original position and insists that he indeed has discovered Pakistan.

“These people look like Pakistanis to me and there is so much police all around, even at cinema halls, I presume to prevent some terrorist attack? Infrastructure here is not very different from what I had heard from other explorers about Pakistan, and locals are worried about prices and politics. This indeed looks like Pakistan.” said the self-styled Mumbai discoverer Columbus.

The Mumbai discoverer in question is a person who is widely believed to be the reincarnation of the original Christopher Columbus; a fact that came to light when he participated in the Indian reality television show Raaz Pichhle Janam Ka, hosted by Bhojpuri actor Ravi Kishan, incidentally a Bhaiyya (guy from UP-Bihar).

These factors has led to fears that the whole issue could turn into a Bhaiyya bashing opportunity as Maharashtra government has given full security to Columbus, as part of their policy to protect all kinds of celebrities from MNS and Shiv Sena threats.

“Hum pagla jaayenge bhai (brother, I’ll go mad)” said a Taxi driver from Bihar in Mumbai, when apprised of the latest controversy, “These celebrities get all the security and escape attacks, leaving us as the soft targets for MNS and Shiv Sena workers, who vent out their frustrations on our taxis, carts, and limbs.”