Thursday, November 7, 2013

MILF on the Shelf

I saw a blog post from People I want to Punch in the Throat about Elf on the Shelf. The blog post is hilarious about her disdain towards all things Elf on a Shelf especially about their new product- "Elf on the Shelf Birthday Elf".

We don't do Elf on the Shelf and we wouldn't jump on their band wagon of other Elf propaganda.

She goes on to list other hilarious Elf on the Shelf ideas...which got me to thinking....

MILF on a Shelf.

Could be a great way to get your husband to do his honey do's around the holidays. The MILF on the shelf is always watching to make sure that he takes out the trash timely AND replaces the trash bag. He mows the lawn without bitching. He cleans up after he shaves. He happily puts lights on the house. All while MILF is watching. And if he is a good boy then, well, he will be rewarded.... No grunting or eye-rolling. Have no fear, he will not succeed. He will try, and results will be better than normal, but chances of him doing a good enough job to be "rewarded" (this means sex) are slim to none. It's a win, win.

However, there are those men. So, for those who have husbands that are over-achievers, you can buy:

MILF on a Shelf, Life-Sized Blow-up edition.

This elf is the same as your standard MILF on the Shelf but... wait for it... it is Life-Sized. For those wives who have a higher risk factor of their husbands doing a good enough job- this Elf's for you! So, if your husband is a good boy and deserves to be rewarded he can now have sex with the MILF on the Shelf Life-Sized, Blow-up Doll. Another, win, win.