Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Because I love Rumi....

I feel so privileged tonight , after spending an elegant and refined evening listening to Rumi's poetry and having an erudite gentleman discuss the finer, deeper nuances of each verse and image. Nawab Mir Jaffar Imam has spent most of his 72 years imbibing the essence of Rumi.... in Persian. He has translated a great deal of Rumi's 60,000 plus poems into Urdu , and English. After a traditional high tea, we settled down on a terrace, and surrendered to the Nawab saab's voice and words...

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This appeared in Mumbai Mirror

Mein Chhup Rahoongi….

“ Raise your words, not voice…

It is rain that grows flowers,not thunder.”

- Rumi

Next week,
we have been invited to what promises to be a divine evening dedicated
to Rumi. The timing couldn’t be better.
Raised voices are drowning out civilised conversation and intelligent
discourse.Everybody is yelling and shouting these days. Not just Mamata. I grew
up in a household that featured six highly opinionated family members ( sigh!
It’s in the genes… what to do?). Our daily dramas were , how do I put it –
rather animated and very vocal. Laryngitis became a constant condition. Which wasn’t such a bad
thing. Alas, I was forced to modulate my voice when it started to do the
disappearing act a bit too frequently. The ENT surgeon I finally consulted,
told me my condition was caused by voice abuse, which in turn had created nasty
little nodules on my vocal chords. This
was serious. Suddenly, the decibel
levels got automatically reduced. I discovered the beauty and power of silence.
This happened years ago. But it was an important turning point. These days, I
rarely raise my voice even though there are innumerable times when I’m tempted
to do just that. But I can’t! My vocal chords protest too much.

With International Women’s Day next month,
there will be the usual seminars and workshops.
And giddy, boozed up events for women, by women, of women. Most of these
sham , self- conscious gatherings generate nothing more than a temporary feel good emotion that rapidly
wears off the moment wine levels correct
themselves. After the brief euphoric
high , for a lot of enthusiastic participants, it’s back to keeping mum.
Shutting up. And putting up. Personally speaking, years of anguish, angst and annoyance later, I am at a
stage when I am asking whether shutting up is such a terrible option. I think
not – and kill me for saying this. Strident, shrill female voices are as off
putting as body odour. There is too much body odour around these days. I think
of a woman like Aruna Roy and marvel at her gift – Aruna is one of the most
soft spoken activists in India. She doesn’t need to raise her voice – her
message gets through loud and clear regardless. Aung San Su Kyi showed the way
decades ago.Then I think of one of my
girl friends – a happier wife and mother would be hard to find. She declares
proudly that she is a homemaker by choice. When she speaks, her voice smiles.
It’s her grand mother’s training she says. As a young girl, she was told by her
naani to practice just one thing for a contented, stable domestic life : during
an argument, keep quiet, listen keenly,
stay calm and smile. Once the other person’s anger subsides, open your mouth
and say what you need to. My friend follows the advice scrupulously. I also
remember Chef Anando’s experiences in Thailand, when he stayed with local
families and mastered Thai cuisine. He told me, the one thing he learned during
that period was to speak softly at all times.He said the Thais never yell out
to anybody (not even a child. They prefer to go up to the person and address
him/ her with respect and humility. Anyone who has interacted with the popular
Chef , will confirm this – Anando runs
his kitchens fabulously well without ever
hollering at minions.

And I think of my mother, yet again. She
was an outspoken lady, alright. And unambiguously feisty. As was my grand
mother. You really didn’t want to mess with these ladies. My father used to
say, “ Aie chha raag tichya naakavar.” That’s pretty hard to translate, but
broadly speaking it refers to a short fuse. Despite that trait, I don’t recall
any major blow outs at home that brought neighbours into their balconies . There
was dignity and restraint in her anger. Anger provides a much needed safety
valve. Especially for women. It’s how one expresses anger that separates the
girls from the women. You can keep the thunder.

I
want to be the rain that grows flowers… not quite there, yet. But trying…

36 comments:

Intriguing post. What about Men? Is it the other way around for Men? i.e. soft spoken Men as putting off whereas thunderous, loud and powerful sounding Men more likeable.BTW like the template change especially the background colour, soft on the eyes.

Beautiful and I can so relate to your post.. I have been born into a family of highly opinionated people with strong vocal chords :))But will try to follow your advise and speak softly and slowly .......

'She declares proudly that she is a homemaker by choice'. Homemakers with industrialist/billionaire husbands are allowed to be proud of their homemaker status. All these 'homemakers' have to do is supervise their kamvaalis and look pretty. Homemakers from middle class/lower middle class have to work like donkeys and yet will never get the credit they deserve. Even pretty ones like Sridevi in English Vinglish. If your hubby happens to be an average while collar joe, you better be a working woman yourself And a homemaker And a nanny And an obedient daughter-in-law And a talented cook.......... I can feel myself getting shrill already.

nice post ,words have power when used in the right way they provide soothing effect and when not disturbing effect,its wise to mind the words and tone of voice but easier said then done ,it requires practice because when in stormy situations its tempting to raise voice but its best to wait out use right word at the right moment(timing!) in a softway is the best way....i have tried but failed miserably but will try again and again till i get it right ..

It's said that yatha aahar tatha vihar! It means what we eat,makes our behaviour.Indians,especially people from Maharashtra,Andhra Pradesh eat lot of spicy food,red chillies etc.which makes them rough & harsh.whereas people overseas do not eat much spicy food,like us.As it is in Thailand,where Buddha religion is followed; people are calm. Their tone is quite soft.

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