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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

2010 People - Naughty or Nice pt. 2

This week at The Non-Review, we will be debating who should be on the Nice list and who should be on the Naughty list this year. I will be arguing everyone on the list for why they've been nice and my brother Randy will be tackling the naughty. Each will ultimately be decided by an impartial third party who will serve as the tie breaker. So it's all fair and that kind of stuff. Where possible, the names of guests will be linked to their respective sites.

After tallying all the votes from yesterday's post, Betty White has made the Nice List. Not surprising, this has been her year. Now onto today's installment.

28. Conan O'Brien

TS - Nice:
Have you seen his hair? The older he gets, the better it seems to look. That alone should make the nice list, but there's also the humor. Sure you may on occasion like other talk show hosts, but how many out there can you enjoy their show when there's not even a good guest on? Okay, 3... but he's one of those. Oh yeah, and there was the whole NBC deal... point being he's clearly nice list worthy.

Randy - Naughty:
It doesn't matter how good he is, he will forever be the red headed stepchild. So suck it O'Brien!

Corrupt Camel - Tie Breaker:
After NBC and Jay Leno put O'Brien into the position of either moving with The Tonight Show to a later time slot or finding a new job, Conan put his foot down and parted ways with NBC. After that, he rallied a new group of Coco disciples on the interweb via Twitter and YouTube and re-emerged on TBS as a stronger, funnier Conan than we'd ever seen. Clearly, these actions put Conan's name, written in bright orange, on the Nice List.

27. Mel Gibson

TS - Nice:
I know there's a lot of anger and hate being directed at Mel Gibson right now, but I think we're being unfairly harsh, Edge of Darkness wasn't that bad. Everyone deserves a fifteenth chance. Plus there's the whole funding a church thing. I'm sure that's in no way an attempt to buy his way into heaven. It's completely coming from a good place.

Randy - Naughty:
Hahahahahaha! I am so glad I didn't have to write the nice list. Sorry folks but all of the things he's been in the news for are forgivable sins. I bet he really is sorry for what he's done. I'd bet he's even prayed for forgiveness. To bad he crucified our lord. I know he did, 'cause I saw the movie. On our Lord's brithday, Mel is on the Naughty List.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
All of stuff in the tabloids about Mel pretty much balances out how awesome so many of his movies are. So for me, his placement on the list hinges upon one thing... his church. See, Mel decided that instead of taking crap from the pope, he'd just go and build his own church and still be Catholic, even though the Catholic Church doesn't recognize it as legit. They even threatened the priest not to conduct mass. Mel Gibson has the money, and the balls, to defy THE FREAKIN POPE! So he goes on the Nice List. Why you ask? Because I don't want to wake up in the Thunderdome tomorrow, with all trace of my existence wiped from the natural earth. Merry Christmas Mel!

26. Oprah Winfrey

TS - Nice:
I think it's nice that she's "retiring". I also think it's nice that she could take over the Discovery Health channel and turn it into her own network. I value honesty, and she is clearly being honest about her intentions with her new toy. By naming it Oprah Winfrey Network, she is letting us know that she fully intends to OWN us all. Honesty is nice.

Randy - Naughty:
How dare you... How could you? I couldn't care less that you're leaving your show, but how dare you take over Discover Health, to make your OWN network. Because of you, people like me will now be forced out into the streets to laugh at freaks. Naughty!

Brad Stanley - Tie Breaker:
Oprah, at 4 years old was told, "God rules Heaven above us, and the Devil rules Hell below us." Oprah, always inquisative, asked, "who's in charge here?" Merry laughter followed, and then, "why, no one, sweetie! We make our own decisions!" Oprah smiled and nodded. Oprah is on the Nice List because without her I couldn't have just finished reading her magazine, and watching my favorite Dr. Phil re-run, then Dr. Oz. Oooh!, and now I'm going to go buy some of her favorite things for holiday gifts!

25. The Pope

TS - Nice:
Finally the Catholic Church is condoning safe sex. While not condoning sex itself, they want it to be safe. Smart move Pope. Good on you.

Randy - Naughty:
So if I'm to believe the bible, sex before marriage is wrong. According to this guy, all the women I've shtupped over the years makes me a saint. Yes, I used condoms. I sure as hell didn't want hundreds of babies running around or to catch anything nasty. So, yes, I used condoms. And if you don't believe me, ask The Pope. He was there taping it every time for his private Vatican library.

Reputation@Stake - Tie Breaker:
Here’s a leader with influential power over almost one billion people, and at no time has he ever made a decree against the existence of The Non-Review. Clearly he is hiding some guilty pleasures, and the internet has to suffer for it. It is a painful burden for me to have to put him on the Naughty List, but he’s had a year to shut down the site, and hasn’t, so I’m left with no other choice.

24. Celebs Who Died

TS - Nice:
We love them when they're alive and we love them when they're dead. For in death we remember the best they gave of themselves in their chosen professions. Plus it allows us to play the whole "who will die next" game. I actually called 3 who died this year. Even in death they're providing us with entertainment. So yes, it has been good.

Randy - Naughty:
Celebrity is as celebrity does and lately I've heard nothing from you. It used to be you were always in the news for shooting off your mouth, ditching your mate, or killing someone. But as of late you don't even care. You have been given a chance most have not and you just blow it off to stay out of the limelight. Well, you can go to hell... or heaven, depending.

Stephen Galiher - Tie Breaker:
Naughty list Celebs who died: Dixie Carter, Teddy Pendergrass, and Gary Coleman. Nice list Celebs who died: Ronnie James Dio, Peter Graves, Dennis Hopper, Leslie Neilson, and Corey Haim. I'M JUST KIDDING! Everybody knows that Corey Haim doesn't belong on this list! He wasn't a celebrity when he died. (Also, the guy from Deadliest Catch. If we start saying that people who spend all their days on boats and reek of fish smell are celebrities then we're gonna have to start calling Paris Hilton a celebrity. And no one wants that.) Naughty.

23. Barack Obama

TS - Nice:
How many politicians deliver what they promise? President Obama has worked tirelessly to give us what he promised in his campaign speeches. Plus this past Thanksgiving I was watching as he personally took time out of his busy schedule to save two lives. Others might think a Turkey's life insignifigant, but not our President. He saved their lives. Countless generations might be spawned because of that. Taking an entire species on one's back... Clearly should earn him a spot on the Nice List.

Randy - Naughty:
All I'm saying is that the so called leader of the free world should pick it up after his dog does its "Presidential Duty". Then I wouldn't be scraping it off my shoe.

Jacob Hickson - Tie Breaker:
Year two in office and Obama managed to alienate himself from the Republicans and the Democrats. Furthermore, he's not yet done anything remotely interesting to merit the ridicule of the public outside of his contestable policy choices. With appearances on the View and the Daily Show, he even goes so far as to satirize himself whilst comedians make fun of his position and his predecessor. But since he apologized for the oil spill, he's clearly been pretty Naughty.

22. Harry Potter

TS - Nice:
Are you kidding? How could he be bad? He stopped that punk Voldemort for crying out loud! That after being locked in a closet for the duration of his childhood. He's had to watch his friends die all around him while he marches forward. That lightning bolt has been more curse than blessing. Brave lad that he is, surely deserves the nice list.

Randy - Naughty:
So you couldn't save your parents when they thought you had their back? What about your friends, Dumbledore, Dobby, the one Weasly twin, and Robert Pattinson? For shame, oh great wizard, for shame.

You - Tie Breaker:
It's up to you again. Does Harry Potter deserve to be on the Nice List or the Naughty List? Cast your vote today, and tomorrow I shall announce the results.

Man, it's so sad that I forget who left us this year. I've had a celeb death mental block since Chris Farley. FYI...I say Potter nice. Radcliff naughty. Have you seen his shirtless production on stage somewhere?