Friday, October 29, 2010

Oprah, Dr. Phil, Me.

Starting today, I'm going to CHANGE! Losing weight. Working out. Blogging. All of those necessary chores that get pushed aside when life gets too hectic.

Jeez, I sound like Oprah or something.

I've always had a tenuous relationship with blogging. Mainly, it seems a bit presumptious (if not arrogant) to post regularly. Because... who really cares what I think? In fact, I used to operate this blog under the name "My Web Pretense." It has a ring to it, I admit. But also there's truth there too: from blogging to Facebook and Twitter, sometimes I feel like there isn't anything people DON'T know about me.

Well, almost. A slight digression...

In fifth grade I was in the marching band. We were scheduled to march in some parade. Damn, I don't know which one, okay? All I can remember is it was hot. And I couldn't play the trombone to save my life. All I would do is move that slide up and down, back and forth, puffing my cheeks out so nobody would catch on. Because at the time, I thought band was the coolest.

But, then again, I also thought it would really boost my image if I wore stuff like this:

So I had no idea what 'cool' really was (and bonus points if your remember or ever shopped at Merry Go Round...)

Anyway, so there I was getting ready for my 5th-grade version of prom: Marching Band. From the kitchen my mom yells, "Put on some deoderant." Now, I don't know if you interact with many 5th-6th grade boys, but 'deoderant' is not a part of their lexicon. For me, it had nothing to do with actually enjoying the Stink. It just wasn't on the radar. But my mom was telling me it had to happen, so I went to the bathroom and put some on.

Of course, I was wearing my white band shirt at the time. And, again, knowing nothing about no deoderant, I put that stuff right over the top of my shirt. Yes, I lifted my arm and rubbed the stick into my shirt sleeve.