"If what we call love doesn't take us beyond ourselves, it is not really love. If we have the idea that love is characterized as cautious, wise, sensible, shrewd, and never taken to extremes, we have missed the true meaning. " - Oswald Chambers

Monday, January 5, 2009

Yes, God. I'm listening.

God has always had a way of putting me in my place. Throughout my 26 years, there have been numerous situations where I was certain no one else had it as bad as me. But then God would show me a situation that made my mountain look more like the mole-hill it truly was.

This past November was another one of those situations...

It was the Sunday after Thanksgiving and I had been feeling a little "off" for about a week or so but was trying not to think of the different possibilities (especially the most obvious one). We had a 7 month old at the time and I had just realized I was back down to my pre-pregnancy weight on Thanksgiving Day. Now was not the time.

I had to run to Kroger to pick up some baby food and walked past the "family planning" section and decided to buy a box of tests "just in case". I was supposed to start the next morning, but hadn't really felt like I usually do prior to Auntie Flow so when I got home I decided to take one. Fully expecting just one pink line I watched in sheer disbelief as another one appeared. Stunned I just stood there. Since we had guests in our living room I didn't really feel like I could just run out to Drew with the test in hand crying (like I wanted to). I laid the test on the counter, walked calmly to the doorway of our bedroom, peered out into the living room and motioned for Drew to come in. Thankfully our guests didn't notice. I walked him into the bathroom and he found the test before I could say anything. He looked at it for a few seconds, got a huge smile on his face and hugged me. Relief swept over my body! Knowing that Drew was ok with this (at least more ok with it than I expected) I already felt better about it. That, however, did not stop the tears. I had all these feelings of guilt: guilt for not allowing Cash to have more time alone with us and guilt over not reacting the same way with this one as I did when I found out with Cash. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't disappointed...just not ready. And then a few days later after telling immediate family and close friends (and thankfully avoiding the offensive comments such as "don't you know what causes that?" or "ever heard of birth control" which to answer both, "Yes, we do! And we were using it!!") I came across this video and there it was....God telling me to shut up, once again. So many women would die to have this opportunity and here I was focusing on all the ways this child would inconvenience our lives. Every now and then I wonder how in the world I'm going to manage it all, but I know God wouldn't have given us this blessing if He didn't think we could handle it. I'm sure it'll be hard but He'll get us through. He always has...

By the way, Baby #2 is due to arrive August 11, 2009 - on Cash's 15 month birthday. Please keep us in your prayers.

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About Me

32 year old wife to the hottest guy you'll ever see who helped me create the most gorgeous children in the world: Cash, Corrinne, Anniston, and Maven. Our lives are full of diapers, laundry, dirty dishes,laughter, silly songs, dancing around the house, and most importantly: love.