April 20, 2009

Complete

Hi,

It's me again. I just thought I would share with you some of the adjustments that T and I are experiencing thus far. I know you are all just on pins and needles here. I had really expected it to be much worse. That brief sent by the army had me sweating bullets. Not to mention my stress level when watching that episode of Grey's Anatomy where poor Sandra Oh gets choked by her sweetheart during his post Iraq night sweats! Ack!

I have to say that I am so thankful for our belief system at a time like this. I never had to worry about my husband looking at pornography while he was away. He didn't question my faithfulness. Even when I joined facebook : ) There is no alcoholism to bother with. No abuse. Those things would have been a mess to deal with. We are fortunate indeed.

The big adjustments I am finding are with myself. I need to learn how to step back and let him be the new leader. He now asks someone to offer a prayer on the food. He now leads our family in scripture study. He drives the car while I comment non-stop "left lane, turn here, where are you going? Do you remember how to drive at all?" He now chooses which bench we sit on at church. He doesn't always want to watch what I choose on TV. He doesn't like American Idol!! Can you believe it? Hates Adam Lambert's black nails. I guess there wasn't much pop culture in Iraq.

But still we are finding our way. I am impressed with the things I know that he doesn't and vice versa. It's like neither of us can function fully without the other. I had to tell him there was a bottom compartment to Big Girl's lunch box for her sandwich. I had to remind him where the glasses are-seriously (!). The remote control functions a bit fuzzy for him. Between you and me I have always held complete remote control control-it's not normal, we know. We are okay with it.

On the other hand, he had our taxes done within the first day of being at home. I found the experience of trying to do them quite taxing. I had thought that our shredder was bound for the shredder graveyard. He fixed it by turning it on with the button on the back that I never knew existed. He pulled the same trick with our brand new oven. The left front burner wasn't powering up like it used to. He pushed a 'simmer off' setting button right there in plane sight this time and now it works like a charm. Glad I didn't demand a refund yet. He also fixed the garage door within minutes of being home. We're talkin' not even inside the house yet. Now that's dedication to the honey-do list girls!

Here I thought I was so independent and I realize that I really need him after all. It's nice to feel needed as well. He spent a few hours alone with the kids while I was out the other day and when I returned his comment to me was "Kelly, I am in awe of you. How did you do this alone for 6 months?" I guess it's because I had no other choice. I am glad we are back together as a family though. Feeling complete!

Although I’m not a military wife, I can empathize with your adjustment. My husband has worked swing shift most of our married life (29 years) so I have taken care of all the after school responsibilities along with making dinner without him. I have gotten used to doing things my way so when he is at home in the evenings (on the weekends or when he takes vacation time), it is really difficult for me to step back and let him be the leader. Adjusting to change is a definite ongoing process.

Kelly

I am a forty something and stay at home mother of 5 children. We are currently living in the DC area. I like to write not only to record the goings on in our household, but to express my thoughts and opinions. I like cooking, sewing reading, exercising, napping and eating good chocolate.

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