"Kark! Kark! KARK!" Little Jake and Tallulah greeted their parents as they came home from the mating ground, flapping their fluffy wings delightedly and rushing to meet them. Behind them, Dawn knowingly clicked her beak at Buffy and Spike's appearance, which was, to use a term from her brother-in-law's colourful vocabulary, the very essence of shagged out.

Playfully Spike patted his children with his wings, unsure how he could have ever have thought about abandoning them, even if that was the penguin way. Clearly, he thought, as Tallulah lovingly jabbed him in the side with her beak, they were the very best thing he had ever done. And he'd killed mutant giant squid.

Meanwhile, Buffy caught Dawn up on what had happened, with Angel and the alternate dimension. "Kar-aarrrk!" she explained, gesturing. She and Spike had barely any time together before they'd had to come home, and most of their feathers were out of place because of the snowstorm - it would take months to groom each other back to looking respectable. "Karrk..." The neighbours were going to freak.

"Kaark," Dawn sympathised, looking over to Spike and the children, who were now racing around a not-so-far-away rock, Spike shortening his waddle to the point where he was tipping from side to side like kelp in an eddy.

It was that sight, though, that made Buffy laugh, that made her realise that despite all the struggles she and Spike had gone through - the year they'd grown apart, the arguments, the spell put on them by Angel, the limited time to be, erm, tender with one another - creating this family really was worth it. "Karr-r!" she excused herself from Dawn, then waddled over to join the race.

---

Lager: The Only Thing That Can Kill a Twilight.

While Lister finished eating the dead curry monster off the floor, the others could only watch in a strange mixture of disgust and awe, until suddenly Holly appeared on her screen.

"What is it?" Rimmer asked, while the Cat looked around at the completely unaffected corridor, strangely still expecting some sort of siren.

Holly frowned. "I'm trying to get a visual, but all I can see is the porn you loaded on my vidscreen last night."

"Oh, sir," Kryten butted in. "I was saving those tissues for the next time we watched Casablanca..."

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Rimmer protested, straightening his uniform. "I may have indulged in a few favourite examples from French film-bleu movement, but none deserve so smutty a title as..."

"Astro-Tits and her Space Shuttle Adventures?" Holly began to reel off the titles still in her admittedly limited memory. "Rocky the Rocket in the Terra Incognita? It's all here..."

Rimmer continued to protest, but in the meantime the Cat made his way into the cockpit caught sight of something truly hideous. "Oh, yeuch!" he cried out, shielding his eyes.

For there, in front of the ship, was possibly the most ugly sight a cat could ever see: two humans going at it, their bodies lacking all grace and not looking so dissimilar from gnomes. He covered his eyes. "Oh, great mother, make it stop!"

Apparently his cries were loud enough to bring the others running, or maybe they all needed a distraction from the thought of Rimmer with his porn. "Oh my," Kryten said, before Lister, still small and superhuman, came running in behind them.

"Who the hell is that smegger?" Lister squeaked, after a distinctly curry-flavoured belch. "And why has he got a tattoo of a lobster on his back?"

"I believe that is an angel, sir," Kryten replied. "A messenger of God in the Judeo-Christian tradition."

"Well, he could kindly move his backside out of the way of the ship," said Rimmer at last. "Or turn around so we could see whoever owns those legs around his waist."

"Just get them outta here!" cried the Cat, as the body started to thrust - though of course, with no air resistance or surface to push against, this mostly resulted in a wiggle. "I think I'm gonna die!"

"It's all right, Cat," Lister promised, pulling forward another can of lager he'd brought with him and shaking it mightily above his head. "I'm the man for this!"

And then, with the most terrifying of tiny war cries, Lister released the ringpull on the lager, spraying it at the window and obscuring the horrifying sight from view.

"Full speed ahead, Holly," Rimmer commanded with a shudder, worried what they would see when the froth had faded away.

"Setting course for the next moon," Holly confirmed. "I think you'll like this one; it's called Twilight."

Hah! Oh, a site too disgusting for Lister! And poor Cat, forced to observe such an unsightly display! I tell, I did see st_salieri's post of the panel in question and I'm right there with Cat. My big question is: Is it supposed to be sexy or is it in some way significant to Buffy's sex-propelled "empowerment" that Angel's toes are curled like a monkey's?

I have no idea about the comic. I think it's supposed to be sexy, but then it's not supposed to be porn so much as a series of purposeful scenes that say nothing apart from 'Bangel has lots of sex and break the barriers between dimensions'... I think it's best qualified as bad porn, really.