The world as seen by a TV comedy writer

January 15, 2008

As expected, networks and studios “with deep tremendous and heartfelt regret” wasted not a nanosecond evoking force majeure to terminate overall deals all over town. Their real regret is that they couldn’t do it Christmas Eve. Over fifty deals killed already.

The 20th Century Fox tear-stained press release said, "Because of the adverse effects of the ongoing WGA strike on our business, we have been forced to terminate overall deals with a number of talented writers and producers.”

FORCED? FOX was forced? The week that AMERICAN IDOL returns? Three weeks before they carry the Superbowl? Two days after their new TERMINATOR show premiered to record numbers? Where's all that money they made by selling the Dodgers?

Any writer or director or non-writing producer who had a deal and didn’t have a HIT show currently on the air was axed. ALIENS IN AMERICA (great buzz, bad numbers), K-VILLE (bad buzz), JOURNEYMAN (no buzz) -- the creators who they loved in July were kicked to the curb in January. Even actors like Hugh Jackman saw his production company heave-ho'ed.Good luck CBS getting him to host the Tony awards anytime in the next ten years.

The worst offender of course was Disney (that bastion of family values). Their TV production arm, Touchstone ABC, dumped thirty overall deals. 20th, CBS Paramount, WBTV, and UMS only terminated half that number. So far. They're the studios with a heart.

When every one of these development deals were originally announced in the trades, invariably the studio president was quoted as saying they were so “thrilled to be in business with X, X has such a unique voice, X is just the kind of writer we want at this studio, X is so gifted, this deal begins what we know will become a long term partnership. “

And now, these same unique gifted talented artists? Get the fuck off the lot! NOW!!!

Most if not all of these writers will work again after the strike. At least one will go on to create a monster hit. And there will be some studio that let him get away thus losing out on a billion dollars. But hey, they sure showed him!

Other fired writers will turn to the internet and other venues when the strike is over. And the studios will get pilots picked up subject to A-list show runners being attached and guess what? They’re not available. Or they’re not interested. Some projects will go up in smoke. And these A-list show runners were already right there on their lots, just sitting in their bullpens, ready to go.

Yes, the networks and studios have tremendous regret…at least they will in another year. In the meantime, enjoy the little money you save. Don’t spend it all on one victory lunch.

January 14, 2008

First off, thanks to ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY for including me in their list of the "100 Greatest Websites." I've just renewed my subscription for five years.
Yesterday I revealed the first two hours of what 24 had planned for this season. Here are the next two. I know it's more fun to actually watch the four hours over two nights but since the show has been postponed for a year I figured this will at least keep you. So fasten your seat belts.

The following takes place between 3 and 4 PM.

A nuclear bomb explodes outside Washington D.C. Fortunately, this does not interrupt air travel. Chloe calls the kidnappers, says, “If you kill Juno (her baby) you won’t get the Anthrax shipment. Why you’d even want Anthrax I can’t imagine but it’s going to take longer to remove from the government’s secret storage warehouse at 10875 Magnolia Blvd.” Abdul-Paula will give her another hour but ups the ransom as a penalty. She must now also bring $8.95 for the Huggies. Chloe asks if he is responsible for the nuclear blast. Abdul-Paula is enraged. “Sure, it’s always the TERRORISTS!”

Chloe calls Jack to update him. Fortunately, he gets cellphone service at 35,000 feet. Jack now has one hour to get to Washington D.C., save Audrey, find out who set off the bomb, then fly back to Los Angeles to rescue Chloe’s baby.

4:00:00

The following takes place between 4:00 and 5:00 PM

Jack lands at Dulles Airport and catches a cab to the city. A postal worker spots him and another chase ensues. Hundreds more are dead. Since there’s no traffic in Washington DC (enough commuters were killed in the nuclear blast to make driving a real pleasure) he arrives downtown in five minutes.

The President calls. President Taylor (played this season by Cherry Jones: pictured) heard Jack was in town and has a special top secret mission for him. He’s instructed to report to the White House. He calls Chloe but there’s pandemonium at CTU. Apparently someone released nerve gas and only Karl Rove happened to have a gas mask. Fortunately, Chloe locks herself in the conference room, which like all glass-enclosed rooms is sealed air tight. Chloe’s baby has an accident and as Abdul-Paula goes for the handi-wipes the baby accidentally activates a timer to a series of suitcase bombs that in two minutes will blow up every Dunkin Donuts in Los Angeles.

Jack arrives at the White House and is ushered into the Oval Office. President Taylor hands him a letter. “This is my Verizon bill. It’s overdue. See that it’s sent by midnight tonight.” The bomb timer ticks away. 5 seconds…4 seconds…3 seconds…2 seconds…1 second. BOOM! Fortunately there are no Dunkin Donuts in Los Angeles so the damage is minimal.

Jack is about to leave when President Taylor stops him. She has one more thing he needs to look at. The CIA and Oprah's people did some uncovering and apparently Jack’s great-great grandfather was Hitler. Audrey is being strapped to electrodes. Applause from the attendants. Chloe is calling maintenance to come fix the air conditioner. It’s stuffy in the sealed conference room. Karl Rove’s wife is downloading music illegally. Former President Palmer prepares Banana Foster. Kim and her captors rob a Hibernia Bank branch in San Francisco. Jack goose steps to a mailbox.

January 13, 2008

Like many of you, I was eagerly awaiting the beginning of another season of 24 Sunday night and am disappointed it will be put off for another year. However, I have EXCLUSIVE advance information on what happens the first four hours (two night premiere). The hell with a spoiler alert, you’re going to want to read this – whether you’re a 24 fan or not.

The following takes place between 1:00 and 2:00 PM.

It’s one year later. In an effort to slow things down in his life, Jack quits CTU and joins the U.S. Post Office, assigned to their Culver City branch. He’s making the adjustment well. For the entire first hour he is helping one customer. She needs stamps.

2:00:00

The following takes place between 2:00 and 3:00 PM

He finally says “next!” and his next customer is former colleague/computer geek/charm school drop out Chloe. She’s frantic. She just had a baby and it was kidnapped. If she doesn’t pay the ransom in one hour it will be killed. Jack asks why she waited until the last minute? She says she didn’t. She’s been in line for six hours! Fortunately, Jack is owed a break (since he hadn’t had one in over ninety minutes). He calls his daughter Kim who is currently kidnapped herself. Leave it to Kim to have a ‘tude. “I’ve been locked in this cellar for like what, eight months? And this is maybe the second time you’ve called?” Jack feels tremendous guilt for one second then presses on. Does Kim know anything about the Chloe kidnapping? “Oh sure, it’s always MY captors!” Jack says that’s not it. Maybe she’s heard something. Kidnapper scuttlebutt, shop talk, an inquiry to sublet the cellar? Kim says she’s got to go, they’re changing her ropes.

Chloe is beside herself but has to tell Jack that because he’d never guess from her blank expression. He vows to see what he can do but could Chloe help out by providing him the blueprints of every building in Los Angeles? She says no problem, that’ll only take a minute, and returns to CTU, which has now been relocated to where Tower Records used to be on the Sunset Strip (other than the electric fence that encircles it and the armed guards on the roof you’d think they were still open and selling the Taylor Hicks’ CD for 80% off).

Seven minutes later she has a lead. In a stroke of luck that could only happen on 24 it seems the ransom note was written on personal stationery. Abdul-Paula Shakira, terrorist organizer/AMPTP public relations consultant. Fortunately he’s only two blocks away. Jack hijacks a mail truck and heads over there. The postal inspector is irate. Jack has broken protocol! A madcap chase ensues at 5 m.p.h. with other postal vehicles in hot pursuit. Shots are fired. Hundreds are dead.

While in one of the many tunnels that Culver City is famous for, Jack gets a call on his cellphone. Reception is perfect! It’s former President Wayne Palmer, now a sous-chef at Duke Ziebert’s in Washington D.C. He just learned that Jack’s former flame Audrey Raines has had another breakdown. She thinks she’s an actress. Audrey's been admitted to the local drooling academy. They’re scheduled to administer shock treatment that will probably kill her, or at least render her lifeless (which is how she always was anyway).

Jack calls Chloe. Stall the kidnappers. He has one thing he has to do first. What? Fly to Washington D.C. and rescue Audrey. Chloe is upset (not visibly or audibly of course). She got him the blueprints and everything. Jack is annoyed. Why doesn’t anyone trust him? He’s saved the world seven times already for Chrissakes! You’d think he’d be entitled to a little respect. Chloe begrudgingly says okay but still believes he took steroids. New co-worker Karl Rove overhears this conversation and sends a text message to his Iranian wife who is in the middle of breaking down an M-16. Jack turns around and heads to LAX, which conveniently is only two blocks away. Audrey is in a padded cell doing the Faye Dunaway “wire hangers” speech from MOMMY DEAREST. Kim’s captors are filling out their tax forms, listing her as a deduction.

January 12, 2008

It's a common mistake. John Cusack is often mistaken for... Kevin Spacey.

Do your homework, people! Or at least go to a movie.

Sunday night I will be on KABC radio again from 7-10, talking sports. If I have time after analyzing the latest AMERICAN GLADIATORS I might even get into the NFL playoffs. But I dunno. I only have three hours.

This is the night 24 was supposed to premiere. For those fans who need a fix, tomorrow I will reveal what was supposed to happen. Okay, I may take a "few" liberties but I'm sure I'm pretty close.

January 11, 2008

Writer/actor Bill Idelson passed away last week. He was 88. His acting credits are as recent as WILL & GRACE and as far back as network radio. (He once was a regular on a radio series playing a character named “Skeezix”.) Maybe his most famous role was playing Sally Rogers boyfriend on THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. Talk about being ahead of your time. He was the consummate nerd in 1962.

I knew him as a comedy writer. In the 60s and 70s he was on the A-list. (THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW, THE ODD COUPLE, THE BOB NEWHART SHOW, GET SMART, GOMER PYLE, THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW, LOVE AMERICAN STYLE, even that laugh riot TWILIGHT ZONE.) He won two Writers Guild Awards (one for GET SMART and the other for ANDY GRIFFITH). He did an episode of MASH for us that was a sheer delight (meaning: we didn’t have to change any of it!).

But Bill’s real contribution was as a teacher. For years he held a comedy writing class in his house – BILL IDELSON’S WRITING WORKSHOP, For Writers who want to be professionals. Many of today’s top comedy scribes were mentored by Bill. And if you were in his class you could always call him, bounce ideas off him, seek advice, which he always freely and lovingly gave. More than anything else, Bill was a great cheerleader. So supportive of young writers. He didn’t just teach, he inspired.

In his own words, his philosophy:

Pointing out that an idea has been done is off limits. If you say it’s been done, everything stops dead, but if you stick with it, it will probably turn out to be something totally different. And it shows it was good to go on the air. The main thing is to keep a positive attitude. If you start turning things off before they are developed, you’re going to put everybody in a frightened mood, and they are going to get very negative.

I don’t know about you but that’s the kind of guy I want teaching me a creative skill.

He wrote a book WRITING FOR DOUGH. It's well worth checking out.

I bet on the picket lines next week there will be a lot of great Bill Idelson stories. I’m only sorry he won’t be there with us, telling them himself.

Another week of picketing at 20th Century Fox is in the books. Happy to report no one fell in the fountain this week. In fact, no one has fallen into the fountain since the holiday break.

News crews are still showing up and reporting on us. Except now they're all foreign language. Who knew that Rwanda TV had a Hollywood correspondent?

Gee, I guess the honeymoon is over. When wunderkind Ben Silverman became Prez of NBC he made a big show about how he was the writer’s best friend. He invited writers to bring their projects to NBC because he above all other network chieftains appreciated and valued writers. After the Golden Globes were canceled this week he said, "Sadly, it feels like the nerdiest, ugliest, meanest kids in the high school are trying to cancel the prom. But NBC wants to try to keep that prom alive."

Okay, we may be the nerdiest and ugliest but meanest? Us?! Did we break off negotiations? Did we refuse to bargain in good faith? Did we hold the entire town hostage, cost innocent workers their jobs all in the name of greed and winning? No, it was the popular kids who did that. And so I say fuck your prom. We nerds wouldn’t be allowed in anyway.

In addition to a lot of writers on line being offended by that remark they were also pretty much in agreement that the “life is high school” metaphor is now really old and cliché. But that could just be another example of how mean they are.

So the NBC fallback plan is for the Golden Globes to be considered a “news story”, not an awards show. Uh, doesn’t that tarnish the news department’s credibility and reputation just a tad? Somehow I can’t see Huntley and Brinkley announcing the Golden Globe winners and then turning to John Chancellor to analyze why “Walk Hard” didn’t win best song.

If anyone from CAA is reading this, we haven’t had our churros in a long time now. Where are you guys?

I love Jon Stewart but he is really being a dick. He knows damn well why Letterman got a waiver and he didn’t. Letterman’s show is produced by his independent company. Stewart’s is produced by Viacom, the aft section of the death star. Stop being petulant. Aren’t there Republican debates every night to make fun of? Rudy Giuliani’s staff went door to door in New Hampshire wearing Yankee caps. You can’t do ten minutes on that?

On the other hand, God bless Tom Hanks. He’s the first big name superstar to come out publicly and urge the AMPTP to end the strike. He said, "I just hope that the big guys who make big decisions up high in their corporate boardrooms and what not get down to honest bargaining and everyone can get back to work." Thank you, Tom. They don’t care if every writer and below-the-line worker in the world hates them but they do care that you might be unhappy.

Someone said that the cost of THE GOLDEN COMPASS is more than all the revenue the WGA would receive if the AMPTP accepts our offer. And yet somehow our offer is irresponsible and would cause complete financial ruin to the industry.

Meanwhile, the WGA announced the feature nominees for their annual awards. Here’s the list. Congratulations to all the very deserving screenwriters. The guild also announced it is discontinuing its big gala presentation this year because of the strike. But that's okay. We’re used to not going to proms.

January 10, 2008

The last time the writers went out on strike it was March, right at the end of the TV season. We were out three months before the AMPTP even knew it. This time our work stoppage has caused a lot more havoc. January is traditionally the time when midseason shows premiere, existing hits resume with new episodes, and the Golden Globes herald in the much anticipated season of self-serving award shows. But not this year. Here in ’08 look for a barrage of reality shows, two or three remaining episodes of your favorite scripted shows, recycled cable series (CBS airs DEXTER but turns it into PG, which I suppose means instead of killing people he just lectures them), and AMERICAN IDOL. We all just take it for granted that TV’s second season begins in January. And it got me thinking – what else do we just take for granted? What else won’t we appreciate until they’re gone? Here are a few I’ve thought of. I’m sure you can provide more.

Vin Scully will always broadcast for the Dodgers.

Email will be free.

The Clintons will always be married.

That Twinkie you ate in 1993 will leave your system.

Major airlines will provide pillows and blankets for free.

Time won’t run out on Jack Bauer.

There will always be Yankee Stadium.

There will always be record stores.

“Paul Harvey…good day!”

Gasoline will always be at the bargain price of under four dollars a gallon.

Major sporting events will be on free TV.

You’ll be able to hear the Beatles on the radio.

Tattoos will always be in fashion.

There will be three new Woody Allen movies a year.

There will always be new games for your Playstation 2.

The Lakers will always finish higher than the Clippers.

Labor Day will mean the Jerry Lewis telethon.

There will always be newspapers.

Roger Clemens will be inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Sharon Stone will think you want to see her naked in a movie.

Splenda is good for you.

Manny will be Manny.

There will be anti-trust laws.

The New York Giants and New York Jets will always play in New Jersey.

HBO will always have better original shows than SHOWTIME.

There will always be one or two groups on tour calling themselves “the Beach Boys”.

January 09, 2008

Thanks again to all the writers who have contributed to this post. Again, for pictures I am offering incentives as to why you WANT to break through your writers block.

LLOYD GARVER (FRASIER, HOME IMPROVEMENT, ALF, THE NORM SHOW)

Years ago, I actually took a course about writer's block at UCLA extension. We were taught stuff that you and I pretty much already know: put anything down, keep moving forward, etc. One interesting thing was that many people are afraid to mess up the perfect blank page with what they think is shit (obviously, I'm not one of them), so they have a hard time getting started. This was in the pre-compute days, and the teacher suggested that those people draw on the paper, crumple it up, do anything so that it's not pristine. Then they won't feel like they're messing up a perfect page with their first draft attempt.

For me, if someone is paying me or even waiting or expecting what I'm writing, I have no or little trouble with writer's block. I'm motivated by fear -- "fear of getting in trouble," so I put something down.

Other things that I do if I get stuck -- if I've been sitting at the computer, I try writing longhand. Or I may try dictating into a tape recorder.
I do not use a yo-yo to relax me. (Note from me: I do.)

I've never had writer's block. Like some well-known writers, I have a trick. Hemingway supposedly sharpened pencils to get him going. Faulkner supposedly fucked and drank all night and started blasting away at his typewriter every morning. I've heard that Joyce Carol Oates runs five miles every morning.
Here's what I do.

I tape a copy of my mortgage statement above my computer.

Works like a charm.

PHOEF SUTTON (BOSTON LEGAL, CHEERS)

Sweating blood and hitting your head against the keyboard?
I'd have written sooner but I couldn't think of what to say.

MARC FLANAGAN (TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW, MURPHY BROWN, GRACE UNDER FIRE)

Is not writers block just a romantic notion, an artist in crisis, an excuse to drink absinthe or take some kind of drug...isn't it just a state of depression. I wrote an episode of "High Society", I was working on it as an Exec Prod. Jean Smart (so talented) played a trashy novelist ( a Jackie Collins type) and we tried to tell a story about her missing a deadline because of writers block. The story never took off, the lesson we learned was that writers block is neither dramatic or amusing, perhaps too internal a conflict... as a condition or a narrative device - it stinks.

RUSS WOODY (MURPHY BROWN, DREW CAREY SHOW, BECKER)

Here's some stuff that helps me:

Read--Classic novels, works you most admire; Joseph Heller, Hosseini, Hemingway, Palahniuk, Steinback, the greats. Spend a day or two just reading. Read as fast as you can. Gets the brain working faster.

Also--read books about writing. It can be very inspirational.

Journalize--write in a journal, no limits, no boundaries, no spelling worries, no censors, just write. About dreams, about things/people that make you angry. Write a letter to your dead mother, or mine. Or just write gibberish (to free yourself up). Write five pages of rambling, incoherent thoughts. Something will click.

Read biographies about great writers. Read about how they had blocks and drank themselves into oblivion or beat their wives or cats, or shot someone, or committed suicide. Makes you feel a little less alone. Except for the suicide thing.

Then rent the movies you most love/admire. Just watching them can spark other ideas, inspire, motivate.
But, mostly read. Read, read, read.

MIKE TEVERBAUGH (DREW CAREY SHOW, ALMOST PERFECT,

I walk. The anxiety becomes too much and I have to expend that energy by walking. That's one of the reasons I purchased one of the much-maligned Blackberries. I can type on it and make notes of whatever pops into my head while I'm out walking. I have, on occasion, been very rude to neighbors who see me out wandering around and want to join me. And then I spend the next hour obsessing about whether or not I've hurt their feelings. Anyway, that's what I do.

TOM CLEAVER (Roger Corman classics)

I personally think Hemingway had it right when he said a writer had to sit down in front of the typewriter for an hour every day at the same time, whether anything came out or not. Eventually it gets so boring sitting there, you come up with something. And then the good news is that computers make All Writing Is Rewriting so much easier, so you don't have to worry that everything appearing on the screen is gold.

I also have a rule when working: I can't go fuck off and do something enjyable till there are 5 pages done that day. Hopefully, things get good and the enjoyable thing to do that day is to write. But 5 pages a day will get you through to "fade to black."

JON SHERMAN (RULES OF ENGAGEMENT, FRASIER, SABRINA, blogger)
If by "writer's block" you mean hitting a wall on something, well, then I turn to other friends and/or family (some of whom are writers, some not) and bounce it off them to see what they think. I have one friend who loves it when I turn to him for ideas. Needless to say, he's an actor.

If, on the other hand you mean running out of ideas completely, well, then I would turn to my agency. They appear to have no shortage of (mostly crappy) properties. I was actually pitched "Life's Little Instruction Book" as a series because as one agent said, "every page in it is an episode idea!"

Yeah. Every episode in it is an episode idea. Just like every relative you have works someplace that "would make a great series!"

Except that what makes a great series isn't the idea, it's the execution. If all you needed was an idea, "Hello, Larry" (Following the breakup of his marriage, radio talk-show host moves from Los Angeles to Portland) and "Frasier" (Following the breakup of his marriage, psychiatrist moves from Boston to Seattle to become a radio talk-show host) would have had pretty equal success.

ALLAN KATZ (MASH, RHODA, MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, ROSEANNE)

If you don't care about the quality of what you write, writer's block is never a problem.

STEVE PETERMAN (HANNAH MONTANA, MURPHY BROWN, SUDDENLY SUSAN)

I get into a room with six other people and a clock. We look at the clock, realize that we don't possibly have enough time to write the next episode, let alone have a block about it, and then we write it.

1. I turn off the wireless internet and force myself to actually focus on the problem. That cures most cases, which are really just letting distractions get in the way.

2. I find talking through the problem with my wife, or another writer, or an assistant, helps quite a bit.

3. Analyze the scene. What does each character want? What is the relevance of the scene to the overall piece? Actually writing down the bones of the situation often makes clear what I need to be writing.

4. Look at other people's work that's similar in genre. If I'm doing a horror comedy, I watch horror comedy.

5. Clean my desk (pay bills, etc.). Likewise, this results in a feeling of accomplishment, reduces angst, and gets the bills paid. The theory is that afterwards I'll be better able to focus on the writing. I'm not sure this is true, but I've got to pay the bills some time.

January 08, 2008

First: A brief announcement. I hope to do another free Teleseminar in a few weeks, discussing writing and answering your questions. Anyone interested in the details (when they become available) just register at THE SITCOM ROOM site. If you've already registered no need to do it again. The last one was a lot of fun. I discussed stuff like this: A reader asked how you overcome writers’ block. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Different writers use different methods. So instead of just sharing my approach I thought I’d ask a few working writers for their take. One said, “Music, crying, and/or Ativan. Any one, but preferably all.” Here are the others. Many thanks to the contributing scribes.

Note: As you know I like to include photos to spruce things up. But other than

this spiffy cartoon I can't think of what to post about writers block. So instead I'll just offer pictures that might serve as incentives -- pots of gold at the end of the rainbow. You know me -- anything to help. Enjoy.

BILL KELLY (ENCHANTED)

I'm not sure I believe in it, at least for myself. To
me, "writers block" suggests a tormented artist
searching for the muse in some wretched Parisian
garret, which is a much more glamorous image then some
lazy slob splayed on the couch watching Love Boat
reruns instead of working (guess which one I am).

I'm not one of those people who "hate
writing". I just hate getting started. And you have
to write 'something', even if it's bad, in order to
have 'something' you can make better.

My work days usually find me trapped between the twin
tensions of my inherent laziness and my increasing
self-loathing that I haven't done anything yet.
Eventually, the self-loathing desperately overtakes me
and I start feverishly working.

I think the best solution is to do something else. Take a walk. Go shopping. Sleep. Anything that takes you away from the way you've been thinking about the problem because that road has run you into a wall and to continue to think that way will result in your just banging your head against the same wall, like the marching band during the riot scene of Animal House. Even though you can never really get your mind off it, doing some other activity often lets the mind settle so that whatever part of you that comes up with ideas can make new connections, which often results in a new way through the problem, whether it's a clever solution or deciding that the problem really didn't exist. If that doesn't work, then I would suggest just blasting your way through it and hope a connection hits you along the way. Or working on something else and seeing, over time, whether the story really wants to be written.

In either case, since a story rarely come out fully formed, these moments are simply part of the process and the desire or need to write it will drive you through. That is my assessment of writer's block and it is correct.

ELAYNE BOOSLER (writer/comedienne)

I feel one cannot hope to successfully write anything without first alphabetizing the linen closet.

DAVID POLLOCK (MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW, MASH, FRASIER)
I completely give in to writers block and distract my mind by throwing myself into obtaining the answers to obscure research questions distantly related to the project. For example: Why was Schulyer Colfax kicked off the ticket as Vice Presidential running mate for Grant's second term? Who were the ten best righthand hitting Dodger left fielders who platooned with lefthand hitting Gene Hermanski in the late 1940s and early 50s? Which ethnic group was put out of business when the Vietnamese took over all the manicure boutiques. Etc., etc.

Morning Pages (Julia Cameron, Artist's Way). I
don't do the full Artist's Way regime, and I usually
don't even do this - but when I do it usually works,
and is always interesting at the very least. Morning
Pages = free-writing 3 stream-of-consciousness
notebook pages first thing in the a.m., still in bed,
fresh from sleep and dreams, and not yet distracted by
the day's to-do list. It's a habit you need to get
into (and it's easier to get out of, that's for sure)
but it invariably gives more than it takes!

I always tell people that nothing cures Writers' Block like having a job. If a script is due, if you HAVE to write it, then, magically, there is no block. Conversely, of course, writing projects of your own, spec projects with no deadline and no one waiting to read what you've done --- that gets harder after you've become used to hard deadlines and guaranteed payment. I force myself to complete those only sometimes -- when the idea strikes me as so good that I really feel driven to complete the project. Maybe, in cases like that, Writer's Block is actually acting as a good executive -- keeping me focused only on the best ideas!

(Well, honestly, I've never experienced writers block, if by that you mean the desire to write but the inability to actually do it. I suffer from what experts call "laziness," which is a much different thing. I don't want to write. I can't really concentrate. I surf the web aimlessly. I lie about how much work I've done; I lie to editors about being "five minutes from emailing the piece"; I lie to myself, especially, when I say, "You know what? I'll get up early tomorrow and...")

I have never had writer's block...what I've had are scenes I couldn't make work...and that's almost always because the initial conception of the scene or story was flawed. Fix the structural problem and the "block" will disappear.

DAVE HACKEL (BECKER, WINGS, FRASIER)

No magic answer for this one. Mostly I try not to sit at my desk and try. I do anything else. Take a walk, go to the gym, read a book -- anything. I find that that's when the solution to what I'm blocked on comes to me -- when I'm not trying. Guess I can't take the pressure. And if I do sit and try to beat it, the only thing that works for me is to start posing questions to myself, i.e. pitch to myself. And just at it is in a writers' room, I pose everything I can think of from the ridiculous to the ridiculouser and shoot myself down mercilessly. In the end -- a solution comes because, quite frankly, it has to.

JENNIFER FISHER (TITUS, ELLEN, WANDA AT LARGE, HOME IMPROVEMENT)

I put my fingers on the keys and just start stream of consciousness typing everything I’m thinking about at that moment – the complete inner dialogue. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why haven’t you finished this yet? You can’t write. You’re an asshole. A lazy fucking asshole.” You know, all the good self-loathing usually comes to the surface first. And I’ll even write about the fact I have writer’s block and ask myself what it’s about, all the while typing it out. I just let all those voices tire themselves out and usually that unblocks me so the rest can flow.

Either that, or go to a movie so I can later lambaste myself for, once again, procrastinating.

January 07, 2008

After a delightful holiday break it was back to the picket lines Monday. Very big turnout at 20th. Too big.

There was a guy wearing nothing but a speedo, necktie, black shoes and socks. It's shocking to think you’d see something like that in Los Angeles. He held a sign that said Computer.TV supports the writers. Just what we need – some idiot in a speedo supporting our cause. Actually, representing our cause since I’m sure he’ll be the sole focus of any news coverage. And you wonder why the AMPTP has zero respect for us.

Needless to say, the abuse he took on line was biblical. Giving a couple hundred disgruntled comedy writers a moron in a speedo is like giving a dog a pork chop.

Other topics discussed: Roger Clemens (guilty as hell), Hillary (lots of Captain Queeg comparisons), the Golden Globes cancellation (so something good has come out of this strike), NFL playoffs, Jimmy Kimmel appearing on Leno’s show (What a coup! Getting a guy who won’t be on TV again for at least two minutes), and Leno going on Kimmel’s show (because an hour of Jay just isn’t enough), LET THERE BE BLOOD and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN – two movies that the critics fawned all over but a lot of people on line hated, it’s time for Dick Clark to finally give up NEW YEAR’S ROCKIN’ EVE (I understand your reluctance to turn it over to Ryan Seacrest, Dick but really...it's time, buddy.), all the possible side deals the Guild is making with indie production companies like UA (hard to believe Tom Cruise is not aligning himself with Sumner Redstone), and Mike Huckabee crossing our picket line to go on THE TONIGHT SHOW and claiming he didn't "know" about the strike. Yeah, right. Which is why they hustled him in and out through the Univision entrance. It's been in all the papers, Mike!

We’ve been on strike now for two months. 20th is on its fourth giant billboard already. Have we really been out since MR. MAGOO’S EMPORIUM or whatever the hell that bomb was?

20th was flying a frayed and torn American flag. Uh, isn’t that against the law? I’m just sayin’.

In a week or two I'm sure there will be seven AMERICAN IDOL billboards. It returns in a few weeks. FOX is counting on that to get huge ratings and bury the other networks who can’t compete because of the strike. One of the features of this blog is that I review AMERICAN IDOL after each performance show. Despite some flack I take for it, it’s my most popular feature of the year. Traffic goes way up, I acquire new readers, etc. But this season, as long as we’re on strike I don’t want to do anything to help promote a FOX show. So no AMERICAN IDOL reviews until this mess is resolved. Sorry fans. Hope you understand.

On my sportstalk show Sunday night on KABC I was heartened that no one wanted to discuss the AMERICAN GLADIATORS. This month we're in for a blizzard of new crummy reality shows. I hope they all fail.

Back at it tomorrow morning. It’s supposed to be colder. If the speedo cretin is there we can really test the theory of shrinkage.

Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.