Dania Londono Suarez, one of the prostitutes who was involved with the Secret Service agents during their now infamous trip to Cartagena, has come forward to tell her side of the story to the media. The scandal that resulted in nine agents being fired—and worse, being called "knuckleheads" by President Obama—was supposedly being thoroughly investigated by the Secret Service. However, Suarez says no one from U.S. government has interviewed her—even though the media had zero trouble tracking her down. Had the Secret Service investigators talked to her, they would have found out that she doesn't think too highly of the agents she was involved with. She said,

The Secret Service announced tonight that it has fired three more of the agents involved in the now …
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They were a bunch of fools. They are responsible for Obama's security and they still let this happen. I could have done a thousand other things. If I had wanted to, I could have gone through all his documents, his wallet, his suitcase.

Oof. That's frightening enough, but they were also total assholes on top of it. Suarez says she had her colleagues initially met the agents in a bar, where they shared two bottles of vodka. She wasn't aware they were Secret Service agents, and she agreed to go back to one of the agent's hotel rooms after he promised her a "gift" of $800. The following morning, she asked for the agreed upon payment and he said, "Let's go, bitch — I'm not going to pay you." Suarez tried the door of another agent's room, but he refused to help her. However, she had the law on her side, since prostitution is legal in Colombia. She says she begged the agent to pay her for over three hours, and all he would agree to was to give her $27 for a cab home. So, she came back to his room with a cop, and then he finally coughed up $250. Jesus. Stay classy, secret agent man.

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These revelations have totally pissed off Congressman Peter King, who's chairman of the House Committee on Homeland Security. He, understandably, would like to know why the Secret Service didn't find Suarez and interview her themselves. Someone from the Secret Service told the Sunday Telegraph that King's demands were being taken seriously and that "no stone will be left unturned," but it certainly seems like they've arrived a little late to this particular party.