Good morning employees. Here are the announcements. Shelly in Accounting no longer works here. She was detained by security for questioning and made several statements disparaging our great company. She was declared and enemy of the company in an emergency board meeting and dismissed. And she stole many pens and paperclips whose value was great. You will never mention her name again.

Eric in IT has been dismissed. He was caught by security making illegal backups of proprietary company information. This type of offense cannot be taken lightly in this day of industrial espionage. While questioned, he admitted he was a rogue agent for our avowed enemy, Happy Drum and Cymbal Company. This lack of loyalty to the company cannot be tolerated. He was discharged immediately in to the black of the night. He has no health care. He has no reserves of cash to live on. We will fight his unemployment application and we will win. He will be homeless and destitute by the end of the week. All for what, Eric? All for what? Do not mention Eric again.

And finally, on a note of happiness and much joy, we will welcome Sandy in to our midst. She is a competent and productive accounting worker who has a specialty in long term amortization and depreciation. She has pledged her very heart to our great company. We shall all welcome her and remind her of our rules.

Yesterday, at SocialWire,I met a man they didn't hire.He wasn't there again todayI wish, I wish he'd go away...

When I went there today at threeThe man was waiting there for meBut when I looked around the hallI couldn't see him there at all!Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw at SW Co.A little man that they'd let goHe wasn't there again todayOh, how I wish he'd go away

Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.

dionysusaur:Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.

When you have only ideas and concepts to sell, not cold, hard things, you have to make up for it with pseudo-relationships. Look at real estate agents - they always feature big portraits in their ads, because they don't have anything else to refer to. They don't go back a year later and ask how you like the new house.

dionysusaur:Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.

FrancoFile:dionysusaur: Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.

When you have only ideas and concepts to sell, not cold, hard things, you have to make up for it with pseudo-relationships. Look at real estate agents - they always feature big portraits in their ads, because they don't have anything else to refer to. They don't go back a year later and ask how you like the new house.

I sell (my) Electronics and Firmware design services - about as abstract as it gets - and I know you don't care what I look like.

Due to the fact that our shareholders have seen a lot of shoops in there day, please make a point of hiring larger replacements for employees who have been terminated or left the company on their own volition. Please don't go overboard though, think reverse Russian Stacking dolls with a slow progression. Given our turnover rate we hope to avoid an office full of the grotesquely morbid obesity until 2025 at the earliest.

MBooda:Yesterday, at SocialWire,I met a man they didn't hire.He wasn't there again todayI wish, I wish he'd go away...

When I went there today at threeThe man was waiting there for meBut when I looked around the hallI couldn't see him there at all!Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw at SW Co.A little man that they'd let goHe wasn't there again todayOh, how I wish he'd go away

Quantum Apostrophe:dionysusaur: Never understood the fetish for team photos. Biz card photos are even worse - mainly because the people most interested in pressing a copy of their face into your hand are people you'd rather not look at in the first place.

Ah, you've met some realtors then?

My company does this and we are not a real estate company. I got a box of business cards 5 years ago and have probably give away 5 of them. They bugged me for about 2 weeks about sending in a picture to get new cards. I was very tempted to send in a celebrity picture or cartoon character, but I figured they wouldnt find it as humorus as me. They just gave up making them for me.

It's a photo taken in, I assume, their office. Was it really quicker and easier to spend all that time photoshopping rather than just grabbing a camera and saying "Hey guys, smile" and taking another picture? They had to take the pictures of the new people anyway, so why not just take ten seconds and take a new group picture?

This makes me think they're been evicted from the (sort of) fancy and cool office and are now all working from their spare bedrooms or the basement.

At least tech companies have smiling people on their websites; almost every other type of company I see has websites full of surly, arm-crossed hostile models, mostly under 28, with sometimes a token greyhair. Darwin knows what a potential client is supposed to see in such a projection of snideness and relative inexperience.