Uses of ‘Mamnoon Hussain’

Friday, August 29, 2014
Hiba Moeen
2 Comments

In the wake of the most efficient president that
Pakistan has ever witnessed, his name is gaining popularity as it can now be
related to a number of factors. For now all you need to know is that Mamnoon
Hussain is a proper noun and must be treated as such, he is no common man
because a common man is always active in whatever he does to earn a living.

Behold! Whenever democracy becomes Mamnoon Hussain,
it creates room for another Musharraf, one should not complain about the
interference of the Army knowing that it is always in the nation’s best
interest (no harm in assuming ... by hook or by crook). Army happens, for it’s quite happening and worthy of controlling
affairs, whenever siblings fight with each other and try bringing the home to
shambles, it’s daddy who spanks them and goes on rebuilding that particular
home.

Anyway, the current president is so absent from
every sphere of the presidency that even I forgot that I was writing about him.
It’s a proud moment for the entire country that Pakistan Studies will now have
syllabus updates for the year 2030, students who used to cry tears of
patriotism while struggling to memorise the 14 points of the Quaid-e-Azam will
have their generations studying about the revolutionary movements in 2014, ‘There
is always something about the number, 14’ said a history teacher. Nor the
Azaadi March neither the Inquilaab March will help innocent brains in curbing
their memory rebellion though having brought about momentum in the nation that
was once mistaken to be asleep. While the syllabus update was being proposed,
educationists initially resisted thinking that facts were being replaced by the
element of fiction thus triggering students’ imagination in the future.
However, they had to be convinced that though it’ll take time but facts will have
to be discovered for a question like:

‘Discuss the role of President Mamnoon Hussain in
the last and final reign of PMLN. How many years after the revolutionary
protests did he get to know about them? Support your answer with examples. [20
Marks]

The importance of this question should not be
undermined as historians have termed it to be misleading considering past
benchmarks. ‘Facts are not dinosaurs that they need to be discovered!’
exclaimed an educationist. ‘For now sir, you will have to discover them and
they are all dinosaurs trapped in the parliament,’ justified another.

The committee comprising of several educationists
had to be brought on the same page with respect to the harsh reality that will
become a sensational history hence the concept of GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage
Out) is applicable here. In another instance, some historians decided to switch
from their profession and vowed to become fiction writers knowing that they
would at least become best sellers taking account of the current situation and
future education. For instance, the question below made them question the
credibility of contribution by ghosts in politics and eventually history:

‘Elaborate on the significance of the slogans,
‘Zinda hai BB Zinda hai’ and ‘Har ghar sey Bhutto niklay ga!’. In the wake of this
political association in the afterlife, shed light on the contribution of ghosts
in the prosperity of Pakistan.’ [25 marks … answer in detail, else prepare to
FAIL]

Oh My God! The word Mamnoon Hussain slipped out of
my mind once again just like politicians forget their nation here; it’s very
much like him though. Meanwhile, rumour (but it’s true) has it that Thesaurus
is considering including the proper noun, Mamnoon Hussain as a new term, the
synonyms of which will be, ‘absent’, ‘invisible’, ‘sleeping’, ‘unknown’,
‘ghost’, ‘puppet etcetera. However, it’s feared that this will turn into a spam
word/term and users will be further confused about it’s significance and use
and this would eventually lead to a negative impact on the society. Though
superficially meaningless, the president will make great history.

The name is also being used locally with great
pride. Knowing the limited supply of gas, water and electricity and their
loadshedding, people can now relate more to the meaning and contribution of
Mamnoon Hussain throughout the country. Whenever, the power is cut off,
Pakistani’s compare it’s shortfall and absence with Mamnoon Hussain, or say
that ‘water has become Mamnoon Hussain in the taps’ or that they can’t cook
because gas has beome Mamnoon Hussain once again.

Mamnoon Hussain!
Mamnoon Hussain! Mamnoon Hussain! This is everywhere in Pakistan now and
the rate of it’s (the name of course, not the person, therefore ‘it’) use is
now attributed to the gentleman’s popularity!

And that’s all people! History likhee ja nahi rahee,
History likee ja chuki hai! (History is not being written, history has already
been written).