Deport: Hugs!! It totally sucks that not only do we have the pain of IF, it can drive a wedge between you and the one you love the most! My DH and I too had our differences and frustrations over this - ESPECIALLY leading into IVF. Counseling definitely can't hurt. I hope you can focus on working things out with your DH for right now.

Deportivo, I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I agree with the other ladies, perhaps counseling can help? It sounds like you have to internalize a lot of your feelings and maybe your DH just needs to be brought up to speed so he can be there for you better. When we first found out that we had to do IVF, I totally shut down for about a week. I was so upset, and taking it out on my dh without realizing it. He told me later that his main objective was to just avoid eye contact with me because it was easier than arguing or watching me be so upset. I think it was the only time in our seven year relationship that I actually questioned if we would possibly get divorced. We were able to talk it out though, and since then he's been amazingly supportive. He just felt helpless, and guilty, and didn't know how to handle it. I think we both made assumptions, and having a big sit down helped us immensely. Don't give up hope, I know these are hard times but you need to just take it one day at a time.

rcr, i didn't realize you were taking drugs at different times of the day! i've never done anything but a couple of night shots, so now i'm intrigued. on my calendar it looks like i have cetrotide shots in the morning, but gonal and menopur at night. and i am not sure what time of day i do the hgh, as it just says daily. hmm, it looks like i'm also doing estrogen via patches and suppositories. oh fun! i'd almost prefer the intramuscular shots like you have! there are going to be so many suppositories and gels inserted, i should just buy stock in panty liners.

deborah and blue, i hope you both feel better soon! summer colds are the worst!

also blue, THANK YOU!!!! i will pm you.

afm, i had the worst stomach pain this morning from the bcp. the only way i can remember to take pills is if i take them in the morning with my regular pills like my asthma and allergy pills. but i do take these all on an empty stomach about an hour or two before i eat breakfast. i'm scared to take the bcp later in the day and risk forgetting, perhaps i'll have to eat a cracker or something and see if that helps. anyone else get this?

Making babies! Twins due June 10, 2013. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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Thanks Aura. RCR- I had a bad reaction to the Estradiol patch and I'm allergic to blue dye so I can't take Estrace. You don't happen to have a link to ingredients in the suppositories or the shots do you?

Thanks Aura. RCR- I had a bad reaction to the Estradiol patch and I'm allergic to blue dye so I can't take Estrace. You don't happen to have a link to ingredients in the suppositories or the shots do you?

deborah, i don't have any yet, so i'm not sure. maybe rcr can look at her box? i tried to look online, but all i can tell is that i believe e2v is called delestrogen. it's estradiol valerate. i hope that helps! both rcr and i are doing estrogen priming, so i don't know if it's a form that is specifically used for that? or for anyone?

Making babies! Twins due June 10, 2013. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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blue: Thanks for the good advice. I think I'm probably going to go the whole "I'm on medication" root. I was actually wondering if I could convince my RE to do my blood test on Saturday, but the "if I'm not pregnant I want to get drunk" reason for pushing up the testing a day probably won't fly :) I actually only know the bride, and I haven't been a fan of the girl organizing the shindig, so it's already going to be awkward! Hopefully, no one will push the issue. Ever have that happen? That one random person who keeps badgering you about why you're not drinking? So annoying! Abby is so freaking cute. I wish we could get a dog. Maybe I should look into dog walkers in the neighborhood.... that's the only way we could make it work. I just love dogs so much.... they're so comforting!!!

deborah: Hope you feel better soon!!!

deportivo: My heart is aching for you sweetie. Relationships are so tough even under the best of circumstances. I agree with others that you need to have a serious conversation. But, I also think that maybe you need to plan a weekend away - just for you (not the two of you). You're under so much pressure to be strong - especially with all that is going on with your in-laws. I think you need a timeout to allow yourself to rejuvenate. Do you have a single girlfriend whose house you can escape to? After about a year of trying unsuccessfully, I was so distraught - moping around the house all the time and snapping at my husband constantly. One day, I just decided I had to get away. Hopped on the train to DC and spent the weekend with my bestie. It was awesome - so helpful. Then, I was able to come back and really open up to my husband about the rollercoaster of emotions and where I needed him to support me. Anyway, you get the picture. Whatever you decide to do, just remember to take care of yourself first - it's not selfish - it's the only way to be your best self.

rcr: When would you POAS? I'm freaking out. I don't know how long I can wait! I came home and took a nap - I usually only do that when I don't get a full night's sleep. But, even though I woke up before my alarm this morning, I still got 7+ hours sleep which shouldn't warrant a nap, right? I mean, it's way too early to be having symptoms, right? So, you're only doing shots at night? I had to do shots in the AM and PM. I thought I was the norm, but it sounds like you and aura only do them once a day. So, maybe I was the oddball :) I'm glad the stims are going well though!!! I'm sorry about the FB pregnancy. FB is really a minefield! I actually have this fantasy of posting a blog to FB about the struggle after we get our healthy baby. I just feel like there are probably others among my extended friends group who've struggled with IF (I mean statistically there has to be!) and no one really publicly talks about it - at least I haven't seen anyone on FB mention it. Who knows if I'll actually go through with it!!!

Smiles!!!! So good to see you :) Thanks for the cheers. I need to get caught up on the other thread. I've been trying to follow along, but I sort of lost track last week. Hope all is well with you!!!

aura: I'm sorry you're tummy hurts! Try some ginger tea :) I always took BCP at night - right before bed. I just kept them on the bedside table.

AFM: Part of me feels like I'm getting AF. The other part is reading into every little thing like it might be a sign of pregnancy (read post to rcr re: napping). Sigh. I hate waiting. I'm really not good at it!!! I just have to keep telling myself that there's no reason why it shouldn't work. My fingers and toes are cramping a bit from being crossed so much ;-)

Teresa - I would POAS now to make sure the hcg shot is out of your system (which can give you a false positive), that way you can POAS and believe it when it happens. Maybe 9 or 10 dpo? When is that? I have had actually one person on FB say something about IF - a woman who I went to high school with and was not even good friends with, posted to somebody's wall "I am so fortunate to know you, I wouldn't even have met you were it not for my infertility" She is now pregnant. She is the one person who I didn't get upset about when I noticed she was pregnant. I am not on FB all that much, but I never noticed a big pregnancy announcement from her, so maybe she went through the same thing we are all going through. Nope, I am taking meds twice a day - gannirelix in the am and follistim in the pm. It is less shots because there is no meniur though. I remember when I was pregnant with DS and not telling anybody, I wouldn't drink and I went to a party and just drank water and our friend made a huge deal about me not drinking some kind of fancy drink that he wanted me to taste. I eventually took it and had a sip, and then when he wasn't looking I went to the bathroom and dumped it out. Oh, and when I was pregnant with DS, the only symptom I ever got at first was being soooo sleepy all the time!

Deborah - the suppositories are "Estradiol val 2 mg suppository" They were compounded by the pharmacy. I have no idea what it in it, and the paitent information sheet is missing (the pharmacy sent a note saying "paitent information is not available for this drug"

The butt shot is "delestrogen MDV 20mg/ml" the generic name is "estradiol" The drug information sheet does not list any ingredients. Sorry.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

Hi ladies, just wanted to say that i'm still here rooting for all of you to get your bfps!

Teresa, I always tested prior to my beta but mostly because I didn't want to go to work and get the bad news and then have to deal with it then. My testing almost always happened on a weekday. i think that if you have an event coming up, definitely test before but as everyone is saying, take it with a grain of salt (unless it's a BFP---then it's definitely true!) :o) Like Blue said, too many people get a negative first and then get a positive on the beta because of the sensitivity. By the way, AWESOME embies!! That embie wasn't hatching...in my opinion, it hatched! What an amazing sight! i'm so excited for you and i think this is it!

Deport, my heart breaks for you. As the other ladies on this thread say, infertility and all that comes with it, strain relationships, not just with your dh but with other people who you are close to. I hope that you and DH can have a close talk and really, he can try to understand where you are coming from. I agree with Teresa that maybe you should just go away for a retreat or something? It may be time for you to just relax and lick your wounds. You should be so proud of yourself that you went to the baby shower but your SIL sounds like a self absorbed woman who has no empathy for anyone else. As such, it just shows how much stronger you really are. Keep the hope alive and continue to build your hope chest. One day, you will hold your little one; you must have hope of that! Hopefully, things with your dh have been resolved. I'm thinking of you!

RCR, just another few days! I'm going to be stalking you on Friday! i'm so hopeful for you this cycle!

Blue, LOVE the new photo of Abby! That face! That nose. oh my gosh, i just want to hug her!

Aura, I'm sorry about the stomach ache. i never had that issue so I have no advice for you. I used to take it in the morning too but admittedly, I always ended taking it after eating. Hopefully the cracker plan works for you!

Teresa - I tested before my beta this time around, at 10dp3dt. It was a pretty light line at the time and took some time to get darker, even though my beta numbers were great. I didn't test with my first IVF and that one failed, and it was HORRIBLE to find out at work and then try to get out of there after the ugly cry in my office.

deport - I am so so sorry that you are going through this. As someone mentioned (sorry, don't remember who) I almost lost my marriage over IF back in 2008. DH and I ended up separating for a year because of it, and it was a horrible time in my life. I wrote a post on the ONE thread maybe a month or two ago with some suggestions on how to try to keep it together, but as others have said - take some time for yourself, but also take some time with DH that doesn't include anything IF or TTC related. Communicate. That is the number 1 thing, because if you don't, and you are already feeling like it's a horrible situation, then it WILL ruin your marriage. I don't want that for you, it was so bad for me and I don't want to see you deal with that as well. Counseling would help a lot as it will let you communicate in a forum that has a neutral bystander that can help. Whatever you do, I caution you to do it soon, because once the spiral happens, it happens fast, and painful. That's why DH and I went through counseling while going through IVF this time around, we wanted to make sure that it didn't happen again, that we were able to keep the lines of communication open. We have worked on this since reconciling, and I will tell you that we have gotten much better, but in those sessions we found ourselves able to discuss some things that I don't even think we realized were bothering us. Please take care of yourself and know that I am sending you lots and lots of hugs and good vibes.

Hi to everyone else, now I go back to stalking!!!

Me: 35, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels). IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!

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Thank you for the amazing support everyone. I finally hit rock bottom. All of those comments, stories and advice are a great help to me. Thinking of all of you. Will be more supportive to you all reall soon.

Married to DH ,forever missing (02/08)@ 8wks.,08/10)@ 8wks.,and(26/01/12)chemical pregnancy.Hopeing, praying and wishing for my first baby to be born healthy!

Hi everyone- DH and I finally talked about what he wanted and we will keep trying on our own over the summer, but he is on the same page with me about wanting to give it another shot with IVF if we aren't pregnant by the end of the summer. We know our RE got us pregnant last time and we will be on baby aspirin until 36 weeks next time, so we have decent chances of having a healthy pregnancy. It is hard for me to imagine though given I feel my body has failed me so many times. I'm trying to stay positive and people seem to think I'm handling everything really well, but it's harder for me to see in myself.

rcr: I think your friend from high school was so brave to put her infertility struggle out there - even in a quiet way. I think I am going to POAS. Probably on Saturday - which would be the day before I'm supposed to have my beta, and then again on Sunday and Monday. I'm not actually going to do the beta until Monday. I think I have three tests left at home. My husband and I went to hear a great Cuban group in the city last night at 8.30.... by 9.30, I was like, I need to go home now. I was practically falling asleep at the table. The weird thing, though, is that I woke up early - at 6.30. Odd, right?

renavoo: I'm always so thankful for your cheerleading!!! You are so close! How are you feeling??? I should go do some more stalking on the grad thread :)

hope: Thanks! I think I am going to test before beta - especially b/c I have to wait an extra day (until Monday) to do the beta!

deborah: I love your plan and that DH is so supportive! I think you're going to have a great time trying naturally over the summer :)

AFM: I found out yesterday that my RE is switching his affiliation from RMA-CT to RMA-NY and is also moving his office into RMA-NY's satellite location. On the surface, this sounds fine, except for the following: he's not taking his staff (who I adore), RMA-NY has significantly lower success rates than RMA-CT (47% vs. 53% for live births from fresh transfers and 22% vs. 61% for live births from frozen transfers), and he's only going to be in the office M, T, R - so if I need to see him on a W or F, I'm going to have to see the other RE. Plus, this is all happening starting Monday and I just found out yesterday. Hopefully, I'm pregnant and it won't matter so much, but still - I'm kind of heartbroken. I'm planning on taking pastries and bouquets of flowers for each of the women in the office to them tomorrow AM. They're in the office tomorrow, but they're not seeing patients. It's going to be so weird on Monday to have someone new draw my blood. I'm so sad :(

Teresa- I should just focus on the fun, but it is hard to think of things happening naturally given our history. I'm usually a pretty positive person but I've been a bit deflated since we lost the boys. Also, my cycles don't make much sense yet, but maybe that's a good thing because I can't obsess over something that makes no sense. RCR and Aura- Thanks for trying. I guess, if I manage to get pregnant, I will ask my Peri to look into it and if we end up doing IVF in the fall, I'll go over that stuff with my RE.

deportivo, we are always here for you! i'm sorry that you're going through this, but we are here for you if that is any consolation.

teresa, i am biting my fingernails waiting to hear until you poas! it's impossibly hard to judge symptoms because of all the supplemental hormones we're on, but i feel like that hatching blast was just screaming for a comfy womb! and you provided one, so.... also, sorry to hear your dr is switching things around. hopefully you won't need to go back because you're pregnant! it's always tough when things change, but sometimes change is good. maybe since this dr is headied to the ny office, their stats will improve! also, i've also gone to clinics that had more than one RE, so if my dr wasn't there, someone else did my appt. I've never had a problem with it, as i know my RE is always the one in charge of making the decisions about my treatment. and if they are good enough to be peers of my RE, then they are probably great drs. but again, you won't have to find out, because you'll be pregnant :P

hope, thank you so much for sharing your story. infertility is such a strain (on everything!). you and your husband were really brave to confront the issue, especially after time apart, and i'm so glad you were able to come back together. no one ever imagines growing up and going through pain and heartache, and yet we all find ourselves struggling at one point or another. hopefully with communication we will all get through this intact.

rcr, UGH to facebook. and kudos to your friend that actually did mention their infertility struggle. i have one friend who was very open about her infertility struggle. she did one cycle of microivf and was able to get pregnant, but she did blog about her experience and i found that really helpful when i started my own cycle. the bittersweet part for me is that her son is now three years old... and i'm still trying!

afm, the pill is making my ravenous, and giving me the worst stomach ache. i keep reminding myself that this is probably the easiest of all the hormones i'll be on, and that it's just for a couple of weeks... but it's not my favorite time. i'm trying to eat healthy and lower my carb intake, but of course at work someone brought in donuts. last week it was cupcakes. and the woman who has the desk next to mine kept offering me doritos! i'm so hungry, it's hard to say no! in fact, right now my stomach is growling and i'm counting the moments until dh comes home so we can eat dinner. i've got about an hour to wait, i may not make it.

Making babies! Twins due June 10, 2013. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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Aura - are you talking about bcp? Is that the pill that is making you hungry or have you started the prednisone? That one can make you hungry too just to warn you!!!!

Hope - you have a great testimony and I'm glad that you and DH made it through that dark time and i'm sure it has only made your relationship stronger now!!! HOpe you are well.

Teresa - did you test out the hcg trigger shot yet??? When do you think you will POAS for real??? I have everything crossed for you!!!!

Deport - I'm sorry things are a little rough right now. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your DH's relationship. I agree w/ the others that counseling can really be a good thing especially before you bring a little one into the world that can also put stress on a relationship.

rcr - hope your appt goes well tomorrow and you don't see your other Dr in the hall. I'm sure it will be fine even if you do though just act like nothing is up and maybe she/he won't even notice. Keep us posted on how it goes!! I know you told us before but what day are you fly out there again???

Kewpie & Renavoo - thanks!!! I think she is pretty cute too!! DH has been out of town for the last two days and i'm so glad to have her or i would be really lonely!!! Hope you both are well.

Deborah - it is good to have a plan and now hopefully you can just enjoy your summer and all your trips too!!!

Hi to everyone else... i'm still here stalking and rooting you all on!!!

AFM - i had my follow up phone consult w/ my RE today. I thought about cancelling it, but then figured it might be a good thing to do just for closure at this point. Plus i wanted to see what he thought had happened since i really thought that a 10 cell was the best we had ever had and it just seemed weird that it still didn't work. Anyways, long story short is that it sounds like a 10 cell at that point is a little over mature ( i think 8 cell is where they really would like them but he said between 8-10 i guess) but he still didn't think it was a big deal and i guess the embryologist also thought it had looked good. So I guess maybe our embyos might look better then they actually are or something. He thinks we just have an egg quality issue w/ our embryos not an issues w/ me carrying, but i'm not sure if i feel the same way. I kinda think we might have both issues, but who knows. Anyways that was the scoop of conversation.

After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby! Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Blue - I am flying out on Sunday evening. Glad you had some closure from the follow-up appointment, if any. It does seem odd to me that it would just be egg quality issues when you have had the losses. That is exactly what they tell me too, and I don't want to believe it either - I think there is a sperm issue, since none of my eggs ever fertilize.

Aura - I didn't notice any hunger with BCP or dexam. But maybe I am just always hungry :)

Hope - thanks for sharing your story. That was me who asked about it, since I knew you two split up for a while. I am so glad this time was much smoother for you.

Teresa - So excited for you to test tomorrow!

Deborah - glad you and DH are keeping the lines of communication open, and that you are on the same page.

AFM - my appointment is in a few hours. Just waiting for DS to wake up. I'll let you all know how it goes, but I have only stimmed for 4 days at this point, so I am not expecting big results.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

aura: The pill is so crazy. I remember when I first went on it (way back when), I became a rage machine. I was getting really angry really quickly - it was so bizarre. I switched from the multi-dosage to the single-dosage and that seemed to be better. It really freaked me out when they told me I would go on BCP for IVF because i never liked being on it (and I secretly think it has something to do with my IF, but that's just my conspiracy theory!!). The prendnisone is awful too, sorry to say. Do you know how long you'll be on that? I was only on it for 5 days fortunately, but it still stunk! You're almost done week 1 :) Yippee!!! Thanks for your encouraging words about my RE. He actually doesn't do any of the procedures, so not sue if he'll be able to affect their stats. As you said, I hope it doesn't matter!!!!

blue: I'm glad you did the consult with your RE. It's good to at least have his perspective, even if you don't agree. Do you feel any sense of closure? I'm not sure I understand the whole "overmature" thing. I thought 10 cells was good... but, I guess that's why I didn't go to med school ;-) Have you thought anymore about what might be next? Too soon?

AFM: Ok, so I couldn't hold out any longer. I woke up at about 6.30 this AM, and decided that since I have four tests and four days until beta (well including beta day) that I would just test. But to blue's point, the HCG could still be in my system right? Today is only 14 days past trigger. However, I've always tested super early for IUIs and never had a positive, so I'm thinking OK it's probably safe to test. But then I remember that I did a Lupron/low dose HCG trigger and I have no idea what that means for POAS. So I do some Googling, and I find out that the Lupron trigger leaves your body even earlier. So, ok.... I should be good to test, right?? Because, the ClearBlue early pregnancy test with electronic display said "pregnant," and that's never happened before! I can breathe, right? I'm going by my RE's office today to say goodbye to the ladies, so I'll ask my nurse then, but..... we're good, right? It worked? Holding back tears right now.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Theresa!! I think it's the real thing! I do, I do! I have tears in my eyes I'm so excited for you! Let us know what the nurse says! When I tested at 10dp3dt I was 13dpo/13dptrigger, and it was real, so 14 days should be PLENTY of time!! Now I can't wait to hear the beta numbers!!

Teresa- I'm with everyone else. This sounds like the real deal! I had symptoms well before my beta on my BFP cycle with the boys and my beta was 11dp5dt. That is not to say if you don't have symptoms, that there is anything to worry about. Just trying to give encouragement. I didn't POAS because I wanted the beta as true confirmation.

Teresa, I THINK THIS IS IT!!! I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! Let us know what the nurses say. I don't think Lupron comes up as a BFP anyway, does it? I don't know but I just want this to be it for you!!! Perfect timing too because then you don't have to worry about the move!

Blue, it's great that your RE wanted to talk to you to give you closure although yeah, it seems like there are more questions too. But yah that your fur baby is there to give you a hug while your DH is away. But YAH to him coming home today!

Rcr, waiting here impatiently for your report. :o)

Aura, ugh the worst is when other people bring in things to tempt you. Maybe keep some fruit around to try to overcome that temptation? Who am I kidding? I'm the worst when it comes to temptation. ;o) but seriously, you can do it! You've been amazing with your diet/new lifestyle.

Hi, everyone- I just wanted to make a brief message. a short one I am kind of tired.I have been extremely emotional, depressed, hurt. I have been dealing with so much jealousy with SIL etc. Randomly, I was just going to waste this test that I had, because I felt like I couldn't handle it anymore. I discovered that it was positive. I still have a few days to confirm this pregnancy, if it is real.

I am terrified. I don't know what to do. I scheduled an apointment for a high risk pregnancy obstetrician. After four years, two miscarriages, one chemical pregnancy. All the waiting and all the heartache. After being told we would only maybe get pregnant with IVF. It almost seems impossible.

I want to be sensitive to everyone here, cause I didn't get this bfp from IVF. I feel guilty, but I want the support too. I am just scared. I don't think I can go through this again. I don't think I can lose this one, it would destroy me.

Married to DH ,forever missing (02/08)@ 8wks.,08/10)@ 8wks.,and(26/01/12)chemical pregnancy.Hopeing, praying and wishing for my first baby to be born healthy!

deportivo One day at a time: today you are pregnant! We will support you, and please lean on us! This is like a little family, and I know I shouldn't speak for everybody, but I love this group and feel like all our paths are slightly different but valid and it's important that we share. Sending you TONS of sticky vibes!!! (and could it be you subconsciously knew, when you were reaching out to the grads?)

Teresa - yes, it is for real. Yay!!!!!!! Congrats. Those embies looked too perfect for this not to work.

Deport - Wow, congrats to you too! Calm down and take it one day at a time.

AFM - I had so many follies - like 15 total They are all too small to measure, but that is only because it has been 4 nights of stims. I am so excited. I have never had this many follies before, even at this point. My appointment is scheduled for 9 am on Monday. I leave Sunday night. Interlipids are Monday afternoon.

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

Deportivo -and! What exciting news! I know things have been crazy for you lately, and it totally makes sense for you to be afraid of losing this little one. I hope the high-risk OB can help you. I will definitely keep you and your bean in my prayers!

rcr - As long as I'm stalking, I might as well say YAY!! Glad for the high follie count and for no early ovulation! I've been praying for you for a long time, and you're still definitely in my prayers that this will be THE cycle! (And yes, I'm sure God knows what I mean when I pray for rcr and all my other MDC friends!)

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