Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.

Sex Offenders in the South End – What To Do About It

She sits across a table. I’ve known her for years, as honest, intelligent, and compassionate a person as I’ve ever met.

She tells me that when she was a girl, her neighborhood pal’s dad would drive her home from babysitting. He’d grab her hand, run one of his fingers across her palm, then….

Her pal – the man’s biological daughter – committed suicide when she was a teen.

Sex abuse isn’t a game. It’s about power, that somehow, some gap in the soul can be filled by whatever act against somebody else.

But that gap can’t be filled, so it happens again and again.

Predatory sex offenders believe they can get away with it.

In the South End, our diversity complicates things. For some communities, distrust of government is cultural, the authorities should be avoided, so it’s difficult not only to conduct an accurate census, but to offer assistance. For some multi-generational Asian American families, tradition around sex and shame stops victims from coming forward. After 23 reported assaults, the Beacon Hill Groper went free because not one of the Asian American women he attacked testified against him.

For some families, it’s all about family. If Uncle Chester already has a couple of felonies, one more would put him away for life, three strikes and you’re out, you know, he’s not really a bad guy….

Families may rationalize at the expense of the abused.

So, what can we do?

Understand our rights.

A good place to begin is with the Municipal Court of Seattle. Go to this link:

If it means going outside your family, friends, church, if it means going over your boss’s head, if it means going to the cops or a shelter, do it. Find someone to trust.

That can be hard. Victims of abuse – even kidnapped women, girls, and boys kept awfully and unlawfully for years – may stay put because it is what has become normal, surely the abuser may change, since there may always be an excuse not to leave. It is so common for captives to become emotionally attached to captors that it is a recognized phenomenon in hostage situations: Stockholm syndrome.

Once out, stay out. Seek professional help. No matter how tough you think you are, don’t do it alone.

For incidental jerks, they don’t deserve the dignity of a response.

But if a jerk is someone you know, take that jerk to task.

If you see something, say something.

A union carpenter I know told me, “I was at a job site downtown. This guy started commenting to three young women who passed by, I knew one from the clubs. I told him I live in Seattle and I don’t want his actions to reflect on me.”

It’s not just guys in hardhats, priests, evangelicals, lay ministers, or players with hands in big pockets.

He’s a progressive, an activist, a guy with some convictions.

He didn’t have a car. He was about 40. I gave him rides to meetings until I understood his method. When he saw an attractive woman walking on a sidewalk, he’d roll down the passenger window of my ancient ’72 Datsun pickup and start catcalling, “Hey, baby, baby!” He’d face me to share his fun.

After the second time, I stopped giving him rides.

I told him off when he was trying to impress a young mother, a guest in his home. He got mad. His wife was tending their son in the next room.

What about strangers?

It was on Good Friday. I was heading west on College, had just crossed 15th Avenue South, and stopped for the right on 14th. I glanced to the left when I saw them.

He was a white guy around 5’8″ or so, slightly overweight, dark hair thinning and greasy, combed back along the sides of his head.

He was leaning over an African American school girl on a Friday morning when school was in session. She looked to be around 10 years old, a book bag on her back, a grey jacket pulled tight, jeans ending in the pink tennies on her feet.

The guy was beginning to paw her shoulders.

Cars came up behind me.

I made the turn, went home, and asked my wife what to do.

She gave me a look that told me I should have known what to do.

“If you can’t call the cops,” she said, “then tell him to leave her alone.”

Note: This is a seattlepi.com reader blog. It is not written or edited by the P-I. The authors are solely responsible for content. E-mail us at newmedia@seattlepi.com if you consider a post inappropriate.