Comments on: How to Write a Great First Line for Your Bookhttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/
How to write a superhero book, comic book or superhero novel and get it publishedThu, 17 Jan 2019 02:17:47 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5.3By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2532972
Sat, 22 Dec 2018 15:32:19 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2532972““It wasn’t the first time that Adam had woken up with a headache and no memory, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.”

I’m not sure that this is the most interesting introduction to the character/plot. The character has amnesia, but it doesn’t seem to have much impact on him.

I’d recommend checking out the first few chapters of The Manchurian Candidate instead for characters that are more affected by supernatural events early on.

Here’s paragraph 1:
“It was sunny in San Francisco, a fabulous condition. Raymond Shaw was not unaware of the beauty outside the hotel window, across from a mansion on the top of a hill, but he clutched the telephone like an osculatorium [a religious tablet] and did not allow himself to think about what lay beyond that instant: in a saloon someplace, in a different bed, or anywhere.” –> This is a guy that should be super happy (the weather’s beautiful, he’s in a hotel in a swanky part of town and probably successful), BUT something about this phone call has him spooked. (Elsewhere in the first few pages, he’s trying to get in contact with the family of a fallen soldier he served with during the war, but notice how much more he’s shaken up about meeting him than they are. Meanwhile, what you might expect would be a proper, emotional moment completely falls apart with tackiness — journalists show up, the deceased’s father is looking for help with chores, etc).

…

Besides that, the recurring nature in your opening line can probably be condensed. For example, “Last night I dreamed I was in Manderley again” (in Rebecca).

Also, “it certainly wouldn’t be the last” could safely be removed — if it’s happened several times, I think that heavily implies it will continue.
]]>By: Anonymoushttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2532644
Sat, 22 Dec 2018 05:04:04 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2532644What about this line? “It wasn’t the first time that Adam had woken up with a headache and no memory, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.”
]]>By: Kindrahttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2528827
Sun, 16 Dec 2018 21:58:52 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2528827In answer to your question, I’m trying to make the whole manuscript that quality but this is the first draft and I haven’t gone beyond the first two chapters. So no I don’t have a publisher.
]]>By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2528091
Sat, 15 Dec 2018 16:54:36 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2528091“The dragon snorted. *There is no way you’re getting me in /there/.*” I love this.

Fae points out that “there” could theoretically be clearer (and maybe also the person the dragon is speaking to), and if something natural there comes to mind, okay, but my mind is less on “how do I make this publishable?” and more like “is the full manuscript at this quality and, if so, do you already have a publisher?”
]]>By: Kindrahttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2526782
Thu, 13 Dec 2018 15:26:53 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2526782The dragon snorted. *There is no way you’re getting me in /there/.*
]]>By: Endroidhttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2459333
Mon, 17 Sep 2018 05:46:07 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2459333I’ve always liked the beginning of Uglies. It starts out by comparing the sunset to cat vomit.
]]>By: Arwihttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2383211
Wed, 30 May 2018 11:13:44 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2383211“Alternately, perhaps a distinctive building or place within the town.”
The next few paragraphs focus a lot on the village mill as the sorta symbolic center of the village. The mill then symbolically burns to the ground within like ten minutes.
]]>By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2382355
Mon, 28 May 2018 18:05:00 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2382355“Silence was now the state of a sleepy New England village by the name of Northwick.” That town name is perfect for a Lovecraft story.

I like this opening. The focus on world/setting before introducing characters feels daring — to other authors, this generally would not be the first approach I’d recommend.

“Silence was now the state of a sleepy New England village by the name of Northwick.” I’d suggest deprioritizing where Northwick is in favor of anything that makes a bigger impact on plot and/or mood. May be possible to introduce the village’s location through more mood-heavy details. If nothing else comes to mind, woods and oceans/rivers can easily contribute to anything from “peaceful idyll” to “foreboding calm” to “quietly scary” to “actively terrifying”, etc. Or “blissful paradise” but I’m guessing that’s not so applicable in Lovecraftian horror. Alternately, perhaps a distinctive building or place within the town. E.g. Hunger Games has the main character encounter the town’s decrepit electric fence early on, which I think is a great symbolic introduction to a dictatorship that is falling apart.

]]>By: Arwihttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2379843
Thu, 24 May 2018 15:05:11 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2379843“Silence was the state of the universe before stars and planets exploded into existence with spectacular eruptions of light, scattering the soundless darkness and chasing it to the farthest corners of time and space, even going so far as to fling it helplessly into alternate dimensions, pocket universes, and distorted realities. Silence was now the state of a sleepy New England village by the name of Northwick.”

It’s the start of a vaguely Lovecraft-inspired short story.

]]>By: blhttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2307542
Thu, 26 Oct 2017 22:20:10 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2307542Well from there he has to find his doctor who sets his wound, but for basically the rest of the story he can’t use his arm, so in the long run he will get better, but for most of this story he can’t use it at all, that’s what I meant about no quick fix.
]]>By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2307527
Thu, 26 Oct 2017 20:37:38 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2307527BM: “I’d feel pretty confident predicting that you’re not willing to kill or seriously injure him here. There are some writing elements like intermediate goals that can make action scenes less predictable even if it’s pretty unlikely that a major character is going to get killed/maimed.”

BM: This sounds like a relatively minor injury, particularly if you might be going in a Hollywood direction where injuries are more of an inconvenience than they appear (e.g. Batman gets his spine broken by Bane and heals up okay in a third-world prison).
]]>By: blhttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2307493
Thu, 26 Oct 2017 17:22:32 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2307493The main characters arm gets broken. Which cannot get instant healed, and introduces the 2nd in command of the other gang, and his two bodygaurds, who are defeated almost completely by a surprise trick with his gun

Basically this is a gang war, MC is the boss of one of them, he is also the the current mma champion, the war started because a much bigger Gang asked him to throw a fight, he declined and thought they were good, but one of his gang took the money they were offering and didn’t tell anybody.
He basically wakes up see’s due to monitors in his room that there’s a suspicious car outside and there appears to be nothing out the backyard but he gets a bad feeling (due to his super powers which give him a super subconscious, basically amazing reflexes and hunches that are right, but he doesn’t know yet) so he plays it natural and go’s out the back only to get crushed by the 2nd in command of the other gang who can sorta control gravity, and two body guards with super strength and a degree of bullet resistance, and slight super speed, then skip a few minutes the MC walks away with the hunch that his guy stole the money and with a broken arm, (this is a slightly futuristic world not too much just a little bit, but no easy arm fix so that will actually hinder him for the rest of the story they didn’t kill him right away because they wanted the money which leads him to know who stole the money, he didn’t kill them because he didn’t want an all out war so he was planning on, besides those three, to negotiate peacefully, once he had the traitor and the money. they are also mad because they bet on him losing and he won soooo)

]]>By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2306950
Wed, 25 Oct 2017 05:25:52 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2306950“Should I add a facial expression, like he thought with a grimace, to make it more clear.” There’s already a lot going on in the sentence.
]]>By: B. McKenziehttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2306809
Tue, 24 Oct 2017 18:58:05 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2306809“sorry that (“I’ve got the life, I thought”) was meant to be sarcasm.” Okay, I think that could be clearer in context.

“I believe that the way there written seems a little crowded, with action I mean, but do you think it could be fixed?” From a practice perspective, I’d recommend trying some more character-driven alternatives. Maybe him interacting with another major character and/or introducing a major goal and/or a major problem. I think getting a better feel for the character will make the action scenes work more smoothly.

Generally, in the cases where I’ve seen action-heavy openings be effective, they significantly develop major characters, the premise/setting, and/or the central plot. For example, the bank heist in Dark Knight introduces a new chaotic/maniac criminal and the traditional mobs he’s fighting against. Very unpredictable and very distinctive to the Joker. In contrast, I think the opening sentence here is setting up an action scene that might not be that distinctive to the characters involved. Also, predictability: in sentence 1, the only thing at risk is a character’s life, presumably the main character, and I’d feel pretty confident predicting that you’re not willing to kill or seriously injure him here. There are some writing elements like intermediate goals that can make action scenes less predictable even if it’s pretty unlikely that a major character is going to get killed/maimed. (And, later on, intermediate villainy: if the villain’s plan is to blow up a city, I’m 99% sure he will not succeed, whereas a villain trying to blow up a building theoretically could).
]]>By: blhttp://www.superheronation.com/2011/01/26/some-observations-about-the-best-opening-lines/#comment-2306762
Tue, 24 Oct 2017 16:09:18 +0000http://www.superheronation.com/?p=7566#comment-2306762Should I add a facial expression, like he thought with a grimace, to make it more clear
]]>