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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

the members of Virgil Warbug fell hard into bad luck when they were framed for the Great New Jersey State Treasury robbery of the first winter of two-thousand and eight. Being run out of town by pitchfork and torch wielding New Jerseyans they fled the homes they loved and spent all their cash on enough cigarettes, booze, and gasoline to drag them through the confields of Macon, GA, the endless Florida pan-handle and the ruthless deserts of Texas border towns leading to Tijuana, Mexico.

They never made it to their destination.

While driving their 1954 Cadillac DeVille one-hundred and twenty miles per hour towards the infamous crossroads of Robert Johnson, Steve Vai and Ralph Macchio [the Karate Kid], John cursed the heavens and screamed "BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!" :: who then appeared in the road, causing Virgil Warbug to spin-out a full 666 degrees before a sweeping dove-tail landed them ass-over-tits into a tractor-trailer convoy containing five million liters of imported spiced rum.

Drunk on their own blood and the gallons of liquor propelled into their guts from the force of the crash, John summoned what seemed should be his last breath to ask Conor if indeed the Devil Himself were standing in front of them as they lay in pieces across Route 66. Conor confirmed the guest to John and John then asked the Devil what the fuck he was lookin' at him for.

the Devil took a liking to the duo :: in fact, he had heard of them before this incident. He thought they were a handsome and charismatic lot with souls fierce and evil enough to serve on his executive board in Hell for all eternity :: guaranteeing endless work with colleagues such as the recently-elected Billy Mays, Michael Jackson and Walter Cronkite. He offered Virgil Warbug one more year on Earth to party as much as they possible, spreading hedonism, anarchy, and Rock & Roll throughout the world.

John upped the ante ::

the Devil would have to give them three years to party with a 100,000,000 $ (US) bankroll and a chance to redeem their souls and stay here on Earth. the Devil smiled and countered :: if John and Conor could organize the most epic Rock and Roll concert on the eve of the apocalypse [December 12th, 2012] at the highest point in the Mayan ruins and play the Devil's music to all those at said concert [concert population exceeding 2 million travelers], the Devil would allow them to stay on Earth for all of eternity, keeping them out of Hell and doing the Devil's work throughout the world until the end of time with their continuously evolving brand of Rum, Sodomy & the Lash.

this is the last we've heard from Virgil Warbug :: forthcoming album in the works :: wish them luck.