Bush to Phase Out Environment by 2009

"President George W. Bush confirmed today that his gutting of the Endangered Species Act is part of a broader plan to phase out the environment entirely by the time he leaves office in January of 2009.

"In addition to cutting taxes, it has been the goal of this administration to cut our wasteful, bloated environment," Mr. Bush said in a speech before the Association of Indiscriminate Applauders in Washington, D.C.

In his speech, Mr. Bush added that the EPA would henceforth be renamed the Environmental Prevention Agency.

The president said that by removing endangered species from the protected list one by one, his administration has been able to phase out the environment gradually "so that hardly anyone will notice it's missing."

More about how Bush is phasing out all superfluous organisms and water. "After all, most Iraqis have been without water since 2003 and look how well they're doing." ::Borowitz ReportThanks, tipster Penina!