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May 8th, 2004

Current Music:

Usher

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Time:

12:24 am

Current Mood:

tired

I had such a long day.went to school and on a trip for the whole day ! yah .This also indicates that i didn't go to any of my classes.Instead of going to my classes, i went to Metropolitan museum and this Henri Vendel shop in 5th avenue. so got to skool around 140 from my fashion design trip.I had 15 left till the skool bell would ring so i was sittin on the bench and eric greenberg was there. He was annoyin me to the maximum so i left. got on the skool buswent drivin wit steff and sandrawent home for an hour and a halftook a shower, changed and attempted to sleep for a lil whilebut of curze that didn't work out.cuz my freakin fone rang and of curzesomeone piked it up in my house and called my name!It was my biaatch hOPE! We went out for a lil while.walked to walgreens ..jogging is great ..especiallygettin high off candle scents!heheThat's bout it ..went back to the condosdroped her off and went to eat ice cream at carvelwit laurz and liz! had some intesting talks at carvel.damn we needed to have a backup plan!oh yah and i bought this pineapple flavored lipglossit tastes soosooo good..rite lauren!liz's mom droped us off..so i went back homechanged again and was ready to head to the mallwit steff and sandra to meet up danielle,corey,gabby,gina and hillz.We wanted to watch mean girls but of curzethe movies were sold out as always so we went to see 13 going 30 insteadgood movie! Before the movie started Gina and I had to peee realli badly so we likegave the food to danieele and steffand ran out joggin to the bathroom.lolYAh so got home late.. iam tired .my room is still a mess. yana is comin tommmoring ! fkin shiznet and i realli wanan go to sleepso i dunno but the sleep is winin over so adios.

April 10th, 2004

March 26th, 2004

WOw i am in a hyper mood...just exercized and did a lil dancin ..just a lil thing missing..Da 40's ..that's rite i need it now :-)i haven't felt good like this this whole entire weeksigh * depresing week anwyz..It'z all good nOw.i had a good tiem today went to da senior folliesmr.cummings did a eminiem wannabe he's mad funny ..haha the old hot guy * wink winkThen afterwards i hung out wit sand,steff,danielle,gina & gabby..had fun :-)Yana is supposed to call me in a whilebut truthfully i don't wanna talk to heri don't know why.." Her New change " scares mei feel like i don't know my bffay anymore..and the same exact question poped in my head.." who the fuk is she "is she the same old person i used to know and now it just went far beyound the extremes.i dunno wat should i do. John said i need to talk to her and get to KNOW the REal side of her Now.but ya know wat they say ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. It's so tru just to think bout it.werll iam gonna go back to my lil dancing ..mWHAAhhh<3 Juelz <3

March 13th, 2004

Current Music:

all of us-blindside

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Time:

11:13 am

Current Mood:

cranky

gmorning everyone..I just woke up witmy bloodshot eyes and my stuffy nose..ehkkthat's not a good sign.Last nite ,i went over to steff's house and damn a lot of ppl were there...but thankfully i took the space on the couch :-)we were watchin a movie wit sandy,lauren,michelle,danieele,jaclyn and of couze my darling steff ;-) ..achooo ,.. I dkn why It feelz like a sunday today not a sat..hm i guess it'z cuzwe didn't have skool on friday.funniest shitness happened yesterday..sandra was walkin in between laurenand so she couldn't move cuz our feetswere in the way.she tried to pass by then all of the sudden she flew back and landed on lauren's head..and all we hear is lauren shouting" sandra get ur butt of my head "and sandra wouldn't move..she was too busy cracking up like crazie until steff and demanded her to get off laurens head..oh lord..I am going to go eat breakfast..watch it will be more of a dinnerwit my 4 meals.lolznot to mention iam startingto gain so much weight.i used to b like 100 nowit's like a way more than that;-( i think i need to go onatkin's like yana and my mom!wellz iam out. <3 MWAZ <3 Juelz

March 12th, 2004

Good moring everyone.No sKOOl yah !!woke up like an hour ago and it's all the sun's fault..it's too bright for my eyes ..ehhkkand still has a tendency of killin me...I think closing the blinds will help me..but then i'll feel like a caveman..in a dark gloomy place with noone to communicate with .oh wellz too bad , at least i am talking to my computer.wellz anywho, I am supposed to hang outwith danielle ,steff and gabby in 2 hours!!We going " dress shopping " oh joy!!orignially i was supposed to hang out wit chrisbut oh well i guess SOMEDAY ( sarcasm ) i will hang out with him. During the last 10 minutes of class...chris was begging me to hang out wit him. It was so embarrasing ! DID i mention he was on his knees? first Jwesso was on his knees begging for another month together ,then olga was on her knees begging me to call ANNA and yesterday chris was on his knees begging me to hang out with him. WoW if this is the case, I should reeally feel like GOD! I am gonna go take a shower and eat afterwards so i'll write to you later, my friend. sniffles !

March 8th, 2004

nothin realli bizzare happened today.. but olga made my day ;-) thanks olga..i dunno it's that we both can laugh over the stupiest things ever.. lolz .olga: eww look at this baby hes ugly..me: dont make fun of the baby ..hes born the way he has ..u cant stop that ! poverty ! hmm intersting...we learned serveral thigs : moms are evil mwaahhz ..onions can be planted in the kitchen....with a 72 hour contraceptive pill...u can actually lost weight...olga: dat be awesome ..all the fat will go away..lolz .some mother named their kid unique..and that a BIG red Dot in a magizine..stands for PERIOD!. hehez we are such losers ..we had an intersting convo abotu dressing up in the library..me L ahh i hate dressign up thats one thign that i can't stand doing. olga: are u kidding me , i would love dressing up for my very first time to a big event me: u did in 8th grade wat are u talkign bout olga: in wut my cute little punk outfit.. me : yah that was tottaly awesome olga: no i mean dressign up in fancy dresses ..me : dont kill me but i can never imagine u wearign a dresss .olga : i know i will just for andre me : oh yah lets not forget u heart andre..!! olga : smiles ..ill stay wit him till the junior ball..i can do it ! walked out ...olga i luv ur pants...they are soo sexy oh maybe we can get together sometime....! olga: ur still not over that whole thing are u ...me : seb !! olga : ( quicly turns around ) where where....funniest shitnett in the summer..omg i miss summer soOOo much.. lolz..remmber the girls mother: you better go home and wash off that acne off ur face ..u: no wonder ur daughter is as snobby as you and i wonder who she gets it from...OOooooOo

March 7th, 2004

I just dont understand my rents! ONE way or another they can realli say things that they know will get me mad and do it awnyz for pleasure. I come to terms, that rents realli like to see me get angry and i just dont understand what they are trying to acheive from it all! THey alwayz compare me to someone else and throw it to my face. Never say sorri even if they are slightly wrong . Everyoen is so goddamn selfish and conceited. I remmember i was on the fone wit someone and they are like is ur dad yelling you ..and i reply no that's the way he talks to me. I don't care i can take it all..that's cuz i am used to it . I am not afriad of anyone or anythign xcept beign in the house alone wit my dad ..that's my major fear. No mater how many " I messages i use" , he alwayz gets offended of what i say even if it's liek stop yelling at me talk to me normal because i can't udneststand what you are trying to say ..am i doing soemtign wrong. i dutn undststand how phony soem ppl realli are. It's liek oh ur parents are mad cool ..and i just think to myself ah thats the complete opposite, if onli u knew. I can't even have a goddamn mother daughter relationship cuz my mother breaks promises ..one day she says one thing and the next day leave me alone iam tired fk off ...and then she wonders why i dont liek havin her around when she comes to my room. If she tries to get close to me then ..i just dont undersnad one thing..why get close to me by bothering me and if if i decide to share somethign wit her ...the whole world will know by now. The onli normal pesron that i can talk to about everythign is my grandma..but the problem is that she's very opiniated. I rather not hear her opinions . They are just so mean and hurtful..there are just things that she says that r way above the line like her being racist and judgemental at soem point and tellign me wat she thinks. That gets me realli pissed off cuz i hate when people are racist in fact that's the nastiest quality you can ever have and not to mention judging people by looks . I never knew my gramdma is liek this until the other day we were talking and in fact i realized that iam the onli sane one in the family. I thought she was but boy i was wrong . Now i just feel so alone and abondoned in this family it's like i don't fit in at all ...eveyone treats me like trash and I just dont know anymreo think it won't make a diffrence if i'll be dead by now.

March 5th, 2004

today i was dreading thru the whole day ..sO tired and sleepy...and and on top of that danielle forgot the chocolate mashmallow pop tarts at home ..so i had to starve 8th period . PPl are being so random this whole entire week that it's killin me . i got off the bus, and hopie was walkin rite in baq of me and she's like you have a big butt!! ..i was like ahh...and steff is like where were u hopie i've been knowin that..and hopie slaps my ass and she's like i wish i had a big ass damn u , i hate u ..and i was like well, u do have big hips ..she's like I know! Hopie is so funni. Sandra..is it herb or erb? LMAO! too much cofee 4 u. hoPie and I stOle sandra's barbeque chicken ...the chicken is on fire ...shit hurrry up ur house is going to burn down. Oh no Eugene is hOme: hi girls ..and grabs krispy cereal and eats it wit barbeque chicken . Sandz : eugene u eat like a pig..why can't u stop eating like that Eug: burps at sandra Sandz: eww u motherf*cker..ima tell mom on u. Oh the Joy of watchin brothers and sisters fighting .! It's preety hillarious when they are in action..esp when they beat up each other and start turnign red after screaming their lungs off. Ok so steff hope and i stayed there for a lil while and bounced. I was invited to go to the movies wit olga..but i promised steff to go wit her on saturday . WE could have all gone together , but steff had to stay in lockdown because unfortunately she has a cold . So that's my nite ...Oh yah and i talked to yana for like an hour and half until she decided to ditch me off to watch the lizzy mcguire movie.! ditchin me to watch a movie ..psshh hehez

March 3rd, 2004

Current Music:

without you -finch

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Time:

03:51 pm

Current Mood:

content

Today was our zOo day 4 our child development theme...F**kIng da best day SooOOO far .( cough cough ).rite Steff...cuz soemone decided not to show up to school on our DAY! are u ready for round 2 ..steff? ..cuz there's no way in hell I am working with her. fking bitch decided NOT to bring anything , speaking of this ...decided to NOT even PARTICIPATE in OUr GROUP activities that we are all in.W.e all it matters that we worked our ass off..doing most of the work...for 3 fking periods!! Although all of this happpened, I am surprised that I am in a preety good mood. Everythign is going great, chris and I are talkin again, John called me up yesterday and we talked for a while until he had a secound line and he didn't coem baq so i just hung up after a minute..don't have the patience ..so i just went to sleep cuz i was fallin asleep yah so Yana is happy ( can't mention why ) and I am happy for her, finally nikki moved out on sunday ..fkin happy cuz i can't stand one secound of that bitch and last but not least, I am hangin out with Olga on friday.

You gave up on me along time agoI can't say I blame youI rejected the faith in your holy raysIs what it comes down toThey said everything would work out just fineI just went crazyBut I'm better now having a good timeBeing selfish, and drunken, and vulgar, and lazy

Bless me dark father I have sinnedI've done it before and I'll do it againCuz it keeps me warm, and makes you smileBeen beneath me all the while

Bless me dark father I can't winWithout youI'm as good as deadCuz you keep me warm, you make me smileYou've been on my shoulder all the while

alkaline trio- hell yes

Don't buy the fear don't buy that my dear The things you love you must keep near and Carry on and you won't feel withdrawn Even if you're coming down

March 2nd, 2004

Current Music:

hell yes- alkaline

Security:

Time:

04:46 pm

Current Mood:

ecstatic

kk so this week wasn't so bad ..Steff and I went on a joy ride today ..rite steff..haha we met mr. suchy..and ..yesterday i had a class trip to prime time for kids for child development which was sorta depressing b/c we had to observe little kids with autism, down syndrome , rett's other synsyndrome and some dromes i have never even heard of. It's sad..and it made me realize that we should really appreciate the fact that are actually born normal...

out of curiousity wat would u do If ...you had a disability , not a serious one though ( think of any rite now ) ..and teachers and rents tell you to do things that can make it simplier for you ...would you do anything to make you life easier knowing that it can help you with the outside world or would you do nothing at all about it and continue with trying to fit with everyone and sort of hurting yourself because you have the options because you dont' want to feel different ?