Thursday, August 11, 2005

Priests Making Progress, Sleeping With Women

The rector of St. Patrick's Cathedral is leading a new generation of Catholic priests who have decided to channel their natural sexual urges from children to women. The 79 year old priest is accused of having an affair with his 46 year old, and hot, secretary.

In yet another bold move by Priests to abandon any semblance of morality, or decency, Eugene Clark allegedly romanced the married Laura DeFilippo at his Hamptons home and a Long Island motel, according to police and court records. This represents a more conventional, but no less inflammatory move away from the teachings they claim to uphold. Meanwhile Clark put up a solid front for the flock, publicly railing against our "sex-saturated society." In fairness, maybe the Priest was researching an upcoming sermon when he was caught with DeFilippo on his lap in a satin teddy. Lawyers plan to use the Townshend defense.

"I should have suspected something was up when she was making almost $100,000 a year as a secretary, going to trips with the Priest to Europe and the Caribbean" DeFilippo's husband, Philip, admitted. "Then, she starts going to work in short skirts and little tank tops, staying out late, and coming home with Holy Water all over her... I had to confront her."

Philip is now seeking divorce. Caught on video tape going into a hotel, Clark and DeFilippo emerged five hours later wearing different outfits. Hey, who can resist a hot woman in short white shorts and matching top with spaghetti straps? Even prayer can't stop biological urges and sweet talking.