Saturday, June 16, 2012

It has been extremely rough in this house lately. Our family has gone through 6 solid weeks of illness. We have been through ear infections, strep throats, and stomach bugs. Theres been infections and injuries and just plain insanity.

I babysit for a friends girls on weekdays so there are often 5 little ones crammed into my way too small trailer, arguing, whining, yelling, etc. Not that I don't adore these kids, but it is a lot for one person. Especially one who is cleaning up puke, dispensing medication, disinfecting the house a million times, staying up all night with kids crying from fever, doing endless loads of laundry, going back and forth to the doctor office, and at one point even planning a vow renewal.
I have been yelling at everyone. I even yelled at my mom, not because I was mad at her but just because I am yelling all the time.

I got out of the house yesterday, but it was no relief when my eyes opened to more endless work. I am VERY happy that everyone is healthy at this very second, and I am finally catching up on much needed rest and getting back on top of the house work.
However, the stress is still there and I feel like I have been shouting all day long. So at one point, I thought to myself, "Boy what's my deal, my circumstances are better now but I am still freaking out? Why is it these kids make me so darn mad!" Two minutes later I find the baby amidst a mountain of torn up paper, he had demolished something that was super important and it was like the last straw.

I was ready to tear every last hair on my head out. I sat at my desk ready to explode when I glanced at the computer screen and noticed a new notification on my Facebook. I clicked on it and saw that someone had posted to my friend David's prayer site, the one who died in a horrible accident 2 years ago. It was a post about grief and sorrow and pain. It was a nice post, but what really hit me was what happened next.

God quietly whispered to me "You know, I bet they would give anything." I replied, "What do you mean?"
"I bet his parents would give anything to have their son tear their important paper to shreds. There are others who would give anything to HAVE to change another of their baby's diapers. Others who would give anything to wash and fold their little girls clothes. Others who would give anything to hear their children shouting, running, and jumping through the house. Others who would give anything to just have one more chance to say 'I love you,' one more cuddle, one more hug, one more kiss. What about you?"

It doesn't make my day any easier, my house any cleaner, my kids any better behaved. But maybe adjusting my attitude is exactly what I need to be able to do those things with a cheerful heart. Maybe an attitude of gratitude is the only way to pick myself up and take the next step forward. After all, I have SO much to be grateful for. Even those life can be hard, at least I still have life.