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Rhymed reflections on Britain's independence from the USA

American Independence Day!If George the Third had had his wayThere would of course be no such thing,But he was quite a silly King, His grasp of real life so skittish He blew the chance to keep as British The colonies across the pond.When told they wanted to abscondBecause they loathed the tax on teaHe could have said: "Leave it to me;I'll get that lousy impost lifted Or anyway to coffee shifted(Right now you might not think that sucks - Just wait until they found Starbucks).

"Next thing, I understand you want,From Georgia right up to Vermont*, And all the land mass in betweenOn the Atlantic-seaboard scene - The Carolinas North and South,The mess around the Hudson's mouth - Is to be fully representedYour lack of MPs being resented.Okay, sure thing, no sweat, you've got it(Though look ahead and you may spot it Isn't always such a boon To have some pompous old buffoonSpouting self-important speeches With hand in till; who needs such leeches?)

"But if you want it, that's resolvedAnd thereby all our problems solved;Henceforth, with no more aggravationWe'll go on as a single nation."Such words, they might have turned the tideAnd kept the colonists onside,But being of less than nimble mind Old George said nothing of the kind.Alas, he was a silly king;Forget the crown and all that bling,The sceptre, orb and sparkly stuff Between them are not quite enoughTo hide the truth or to disguiseWhen he who wears them isn't wise.

In truth his subjects thought he'd lost itAnd seemingly at massive cost. ItDidn't help that he was quite Eccentric and, whilst being polite,Conversed with some unusual friendsIncluding trees. 'Where will this end?'The senior courtiers scratched their headsAnd had his scratched, and had him bledAnd purged and blistered by the quacks.In those days medicine was lax, And remedies were wont to fail,So it was all to no avail.While he was banished to the wingsHis regent son pulled all the strings.

*

Eleven score and sixteen yearsAgo poor George's darkest fears Were realised and, to his frustration, The USA became a nation.Maybe the time's now ripe to wonderIf that was really such a blunder.The minuses are well rehearsedThe pluses are too seldom versed.It's true the colonies have thrived;Our fortunes, when compared, have dived,And, whilst it doesn't do to bitch,One has to grant they're rather richAnd powerful beyond all reason,For such are the rewards of treason.

But they'd have thrived in any case, A continent their living-space,Against our isle, they'd room to growAnd tap the benefits that flowFrom all that teeming natural wealth, Their populace in rudest health Multiplying many fold,New world outnumbering the old. The upshot would be role reversal;(I fear the rule is universal) Their tail would soon have wagged our dogIn their machine we'd be a cog. Perhaps, in terms of future powers,The independence won was ours.

For we were spared their civil war And slavery, which went before,And all the racial strife that followed,Those like the Ku Klux Klan who wallowedIn terrorism, cruelty, lynching,While way out west their like were pinchingThe prairies from the native nations. I know they now have reservations,The land for native tribes reservedBeing rather less than was deserved And which did little to restore The way of life that went before. (Whilst reservations, qua misgivings, May not suffice to earn forgiving.)

They've Nixon, Bush and Al Capone - We may have villains of our ownBut none that truly measure up The length of spoon you'd need to sup With Thatcher, Blair or brothers Kray Would be far shorter. Anyway,This talk of supping brings to mindAnother axe I have to grind:Their food, like peanut butter spreadInch-thick on pappy tasteless bread,Cheese fit for nothing but to spray onBurgers, bright as yellow crayon,While many tastebuds bear the scarsThat come from eating Hershey bars.

Americans, don't get me wrong; Your nation - free and rich and strong - In many ways must be admired;I'll bet that you're still glad you fired Old Georgie from his role as king,Whilst here the wound has ceased to stingTwo centuries past, and we're contentYour founding fathers were so bentOn independence. For these daysWe are so different in our ways(That's different from, not different than - As bum from butt, as tin from can)We won't mind if you, with a cuss,Decide that you're well shot of us.

But what is silly, what is wise?Those traits so easy to despise - A tendency to talk to treesOr lose one's grip on colonies - May have served Georgie rather well; By bidding thirteen states farewellHe saved us from a murky fate Obscure, but hard to contemplate. Who'd say his faculties were failin'In keeping us from Sarah Palin? This king who, lest it be be forgotten,Preserved our 'got' from being 'gotten' And saved our 'autumn' from their 'fall'Was not so silly after all.

* Note:(I know Vermont was yet to be But couldn't wait for that, you see, And snatched it from a future time Because New Hampshire wouldn't rhyme)