Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Osi Umenyiora, who has a long tradition of liking to freak you nasty, is getting ready to face the Packers in the NFC title game on Sunday. And nothing helps Osi relax before the big game like paying three grand to unload his bowels on some random chick. Click here (NSFW) for all the alleged (and almost certainly false) details.

Yep, he flew me to Atlanta with my kids for some event that he had with another player and wanted the same request. Then I spent some time with him nearby while a music video was being shot at his house!! He wanted me to have sex with him and one of his brothers at the same time. He also wanted me to try it with another one of his teammates that was staying there. I said no because I didn't want to be passed around like that. He did buy my jewelry. The diamond snow ball. Oh and all the me money. I did invite a friend to join us (My hot girl "L" that has done shoots with me) and he wanted to DEFECATE on her in his bathtub. My GOSH she let him do it but I wanted no part. I'm a freak, but my gosh.

The next time I was with him he offered me 3 grand if I let him defecate on me and I said no. He told me to leave and so I did. The next time he asked and I did and I accepted the 3 grand. And it became a regular thing. He began flying me to Florida and Atlanta last summer paying my bills, giving me money for my kids as long as I let him well, "shit" on me. He was in Atlanta for a major taping for "work" he said at his house and that night he told me to defecate on him. Of course he said he was joking but i reallly wonder.

Whatsa matter, dear? Don't want the Hot Carl from a 300 lb. lineman who eats 8,000 calories a day? This guy must make turds the size of a fucking steamer trunk. How can you resist that?

And to think, Eli's idea of being kinky is to masturbate with the lights on. Things are different on the other side of the ball, indeed.

By the way, I have a feeling that a "diamond snowball" is not a kind of jewelry.

I love the juxtaposition of uppity self-righteousness ("I said no because I didn't want to be passed around like that") while simultaneously ceding that she is, in fact, a whore ("He did buy my jewelry"). What a classy broad.

@mrs - There's this crackwhore who lives on the first floor of my apartment and the other day while waiting for the elevator, I heard her screaming to someone, "I ain't no slut! I ain't no slut! I get paid, bitch...I'm a whore!" I always thought they were synonymous.