97083: Advice to a father whose son has stopped memorizing Qur’aan because of the intention, and advice to his son

I have a son who loves goodness a great deal and calls others to it, and who memorizes Qur'aan and has prayed regularly since he was small. But recently he has started to neglect memorization of Qur’aan and he does not want to go to halaqahs for memorizing Qur’aan. He says that he is only memorizing it for my sake, and he only leads the people in prayer for my sake, and he heard one of the Shaykhs mention a hadeeth which says that the one who memorizes Qur’aan or prays for the sake of his father or mother will be thrown in Hell, and a hadeeth which says that the one who memorizes Qur'aan so that it will be said that he is a reciter will be thrown in Hell. He says that since hearing this khutbah, he is always thinking about these words and about the punishment. But I told him that this was from the shaytaan and that the correct intention is to memorize the Qur'aan so that he could worship Allaah thereby, but he turned to me with tears flowing from his eyes and could barely speak. I do not know what to do with him. Please note that since that time I have not spoken to him or joked with him like his brothers, in an attempt to bring him to his senses, but he is insisting on not going to the halaqah for memorizing Qur’aan. He is in the third year of middle school.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We ask Allaah to guide your children and to reward you with
the best of rewards for your concern and care and for advising them and
teaching and guiding those for whom Allaah has made you responsible.

It should be noted that raising children is difficult and
that it requires knowledge and wisdom, patience and forbearance. Children –
both male and female – go through different stages as they grow, and each
stage has its own problems. You have to understand this and pay attention to
it before starting to solve your son’s problem and his stopping memorizing
Qur’aan.

Secondly:

Parents should not give up their responsibility of guiding
their children just because of some incident that happens with one of them.
They should not stop guiding them and caring for them. The man is a shepherd
of his family and he will be responsible for them on the Day of
Resurrection. His flock – his wife and children – are a trust which Allaah
warns against neglecting and failing to take care of properly.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families
against a Fire”

[al-Tahreem 66:6]

“Truly, We did offer Al‑Amaanah (the trust or moral
responsibility or honesty and all the duties which Allaah has ordained) to
the heavens and the earth, and the mountains, but they declined to bear it
and were afraid of it (i.e. afraid of Allaah’s Torment). But man bore it.
Verily, he was unjust (to himself) and ignorant (of its results)”

[al-Ahzaab 33:72]

It was narrated that
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of
you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and
is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is
responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house
and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of
his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and
each of you is responsible for his flock.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

The one who neglects to teach his son that which will benefit
him and leaves him to his own devices has wronged him severely. Most
children only become corrupt because of their parents and their neglect of
them, and their failure to teach them the obligatory duties and sunnahs of
Islam. They neglect them when they are young then they are not able to
benefit themselves or their parents when they grow up.

Tuhfat al-Mawdood (p. 229).

Thirdly:

What your son has done by ceasing to memorize Qur’aan and
lead the prayer may be understood in two ways:

1 – That he is sincere in what he is saying, which is what
seems to us to be the case. In that case you must advise him and guide him
in the way that is best, and make him understand that there is no
contradiction between what you are telling him to do and having a sincere
intention. He can correct his intention if it was not right, and correcting
it is better for him in this world and in the Hereafter than giving up the
action altogether. You should also make him understand that the methods that
the shaytaan uses to stop the Muslim doing acts of worship and continuing in
them include whispering to him that his intention is not sound, and that he
is not doing it for the sake of Allaah, so that this Muslim will give up his
act of worship if he has started it, or he will refrain from starting it and
doing it if he had not started it, and thus the shaytaan will have attained
what he wanted.

You can ask your son this: What will he do with his children
when Allaah blesses him with children and he is responsible for them on the
Day of Resurrection? Undoubtedly – in sha Allaah – he will answer by saying
that he will tell them to do that which is to their benefit, and encourage
them to obey and worship Allaah, which includes memorizing Qur'aan and
prayer. If he is honest with you and gives you this answer, then he will
have committed himself, and given evidence against himself, and this is what
you yourself have done with him.

We advise you not to criticize him too much, and to discuss
with him. You can go to a scholar or seeker of knowledge whom he trusts to
discuss the matter with him, and hear something from someone other than you
who has knowledge that will put his mind at rest. You do not have to be the
one who advises him, changes his mind and convinces him, rather you should
delegate that to someone else, so that he will do that on the basis of being
pleased with what he has heard.

We also advise you to stop your shunning of him straight
away, and stop refusing to treat him kindly. Right now he is in the greatest
need of you and your compassion. He is suffering
from something that the imams and scholars also suffered from, which is the
issue of intention (niyyah). Imam Sufyaan al-Thawri (may Allaah have mercy
on him) said: I have never dealt with anything more difficult than my
intention. So beware of forsaking him, and beware of being too harsh with
him, lest you lose him forever. We ask Allaah not to let that happen.

2 – The second possibility is that he is lying, in which case
you have to find out whether your son has been affected by the sickness of
loss of interest and ambition. There are many causes for these sicknesses,
including the following:

(i)
Influence of bad friends

(ii)
Too many duties in school and
at home, so that he feels overwhelmed and gives up on some of them.

(iii)
Finding the Qur’aan
memorization program too heavy, which has led to him becoming tired and
bored.

(iv)
Not having the chance to relax
in permissible ways, such as going on trips, playing games, and watching
beneficial shows. Some fathers are too keen for their children not to pay
any attention to these things that allow for relaxation and bring more
energy for worship and obedience.

(v)
Reaching the stage of puberty
and adolescence, which is a dangerous stage in a young man’s life. Parents
must pay attention to their sons when they reach this age, and treat their
sons as men, not children, and lightening up on the things they tell them to
do. The stage of persuasion and understanding should begin, which is totally
different from when they were small.

What we have mentioned are some of the possible causes. You
know what is really going on, whether he is telling the truth or lying.
Hence we said that raising children is difficult, and needs knowledge and
wisdom, patience and forbearance. It is not a simple matter, especially with
all the corrupt influences, distractions and the war against virtue,
chastity and righteousness that is being waged inside and outside.

Look for the reason why he has stopped memorizing Qur'aan and
given up his commitment. If he is telling the truth, then we have mentioned
above is the way to deal with it. If he is lying, then check on the
possibilities that we have mentioned, and seek the help of Allaah, asking
Him to guide you and help you. And do not forget to pray for your son, for
he is more in need of that than you.

This is the experience of a famous Qur’aan reader – Shaykh
Muhammad Siddeeq al-Manshaawi (d. 1388 AH). Read what his son Muhammad
al-Shaafa’i wrote about him and the way he took care of his children and
taught them to memorize Qur’aan.

Professor Muhammad Husayn Ibraaheem al-Rantaawi said:

Al-Shaafa’i Muhammad Siddeeq – the name of the shaykh’s son –
spoke of the methods of guiding and directing the children that his father
followed and said: My father was very keen that we should do the obligatory
duties, and he would often take us with him to the mosques where he read
Qur’aan. That was an opportunity for me to visit and get to know most of the
mosques of Egypt. He would also keep an eye on us when we chose our friends,
and he would insist that they come from religiously-committed families of
good character, and join his children in studying, and he would help them to
do their homework and attend parents’ meetings in the schools that his
children went to. During the summer holidays, he had us take part in sports
such as swimming and archery during the day, and at night he would read to
us the religious books that were suited to our age. Then when one of us had
acquired the habit of reading, he would supply him with books and encourage
him to read more. Before all of that came memorization of Qur’aan, so that
even the one who had been left out because he was too small was encouraged
by his father Shaykh Siddeeq to memorize Qur’aan, and he did that. End
quote.

To this son of yours, whom we ask Allaah to help and guide to
that which He loves and which pleases Him, we say:

You should understand first of all that this devilish trick
to block people from following the way of Allaah has been known since
ancient times. The accursed one wants to prevent people from doing good
whenever he finds a way to do that, and he comes to each person in the way
that is appropriate.

Hence al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said:

Refraining from doing an action because of the people is
showing off, and doing it because of the people is shirk. Sincerity is when
Allaah protects you against both.

Al-Adhkaar by al-Nawawi (18).

It was narrated that al-Haarith ibn Qays al-Ja’fi said: If
you are doing something that has to do with the Hereafter then continue and
if you are doing something that has to do with this world then be careful.
If you intend to something good then do not delay it, and if the shaytaan
comes to you when you are praying and says ‘You are showing off,’ then make
it longer. Narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Zuhd (430), with a saheeh
isnaad.

Undoubtedly you know the status of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih
al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), and we think that you know
that he is one of the trustworthy scholars. We believe that you respect and
admire him, and we would never misquote the Shaykh. We will let you read
what he said about a problem similar to yours and we hope that you will pay
attention to his answer and act upon it, because that will bring you
happiness and goodness in this world and in the Hereafter.

What is your advice to a seeker of knowledge who has worked
hard to correct his intention and to be sincere, but he could not manage to
do that? He is afraid that the ahaadeeth which carry a stern warning
addressed to the one whose intention is not sincerely for the sake of Allaah
alone will apply to him, and he will soon stop seeking knowledge. Please
advise us, may you be rewarded.

He replied:

This is an importance question for the seeker of knowledge,
for knowledge is one of the best and greatest acts of worship, which Allaah
has made equivalent to jihad for His sake, as He says, may He be blessed and
exalted (interpretation of the meaning):

“And it is not (proper) for the believers to go out to
fight (Jihad) all together. Of every troop of them, a party only should go
forth, that they (who are left behind) may get instructions in (Islamic)
religion, and that they may warn their people when they return to them, so
that they may beware (of evil)”

[al-Tawbah 9:122]

Allaah tells us that the believers cannot all go out to fight
in jihad for the sake of Allaah; rather a few from every group should learn
the principles of the religion of Allaah, so that they may warn their people
when they return in order that they may beware (of evil), and the others
should fight for the sake of Allaah.

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: “When Allaah wills good for a person, He causes him to understand
the religion.” If a person thinks that Allaah has caused him to understand
his religion, then he should accept the glad tidings that Allaah has willed
good for him, and he must be sincere in his intention towards Allaah when
seeking knowledge, by having the following intentions in his pursuit
thereof:

Firstly: Obeying the command of Allaah, may He be blessed and
exalted, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “So know (O
Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم) that Laa
ilaaha illAllaah (none has the right to be worshipped but Allaah” [Muhammad
47:19]. Al-Bukhaari (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He started with
knowledge, before words or deeds.

Secondly: He should intend by his learning to preserve the
laws of Allaah, for sharee’ah is preserved in people’s hearts and in books.

Thirdly: he should intend by his learning to protect the
sharee’ah of Allaah against its enemies, because its enemies have been
trying to undermine it since the Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) was sent and they will carry on trying to do so until
the Hour begins. So by seeking knowledge let him intend to protect the great
sharee’ah.

Fourthly: He should intend thereby to defend sharee’ah if
anyone attacks it, and in that case he must learn the weapons with which he
will defend his knowledge. Rather we say that he should focus on the issues
concerning which the enemies of Allaah try to cause confusion, and tackle
each issue in the manner that befits it. People vary with regard to this
matter. Some people may try to cause confusion about ‘aqeedah, so one needs
to learn ‘aqeedah by means of which he can ward off false beliefs. Some
people may attack Islam by means of bad manners, so he has to learn good
manners and learn the consequences of bad manners, and so on.

Fifthly: The seeker of knowledge must also intend by his
pursuit of knowledge to worship Allaah in the manner that Allaah approves
of, because without learning a man cannot know how to worship Allaah whether
that is in his wudoo’, his prayer, his charity, his fasting or his hajj. He
should also call others to Allaah with his knowledge, explaining sharee’ah
to people and calling them to adhere to it.

In fact knowledge is one of the best acts of worship and one
of the greatest and most beneficial. Hence you will find the that Shaytaan
is keep to keep people from acquiring knowledge; he will come to a person
and tell him that he is seeking knowledge to show off, so that the people
will see him and think that he is a scholar, so he will lose interest and
will say: I should keep away from showing off? Or he will come to him and
tell him: Have the intention when seeking shar’i knowledge of making some
worldly gain, so that the warning “The one who seeks knowledge that should
be sought for the sake of Allaah, but he does it only for some worldly
gain, will not smell the fragrance of Paradise” will apply to you. And he
comes to him with many things that will prevent him from seeking knowledge.
But one must seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan, and go
ahead with his plans, and not pay any attention to these whispers that enter
his heart. Every time he feels that something is distracting him from
seeking knowledge – by whatever means – he should say, “A’oodhu Billaahi
min al-shaytaan il-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed
satan)” and “ Allaahumma a’inni (O Allaah, help me) and so on.

And I say to this student:

Go ahead and seek knowledge, and do not let the shaytaan
keep you from remembering Allaah or seeking knowledge. Carry on even though
you will encounter difficulty and hardship in making your intention correct,
but correcting one’s intention is something easy. Go ahead, O young man, and
seek the help of Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, and seek refuge
with Allaah from the accursed shaytaan.

We think that there is a great deal of good in you, in sha
Allaah, and that the words of the imams of knowledge and faith, and the
advice of Shaykh al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) will all have
an effect on your heart, mind and life.

You should remember that your father does not want anything
but good for you, and that every act of worship and obedience that you do is
for you and your father.

And remember that attaining victory by the blessing of the
Qur'aan in the Hereafter will be shared between you and your parents, and
the loss caused by neglecting it will also be shared between you and them.

It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be
pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “It will be said to the companion of the Qur'aan:
Recite and rise in status, and recite as you used to recite in the world,
and your status will be at the last verse you recite.”

Narrated by Abu Dawood (1464) and classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.

It was narrated that Buraydah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “Whoever reads the Qur’aan and learns it and acts upon it
will be given a crown of light to wear on the Day of Resurrection, the light
of which is like the light of the sun, and his parents will be clothed with
two suits the equivalent of which is not to be found in this world, and they
will say: Why have we been clothed with this? And it will be said: Because
your son learned the Qur’aan.”

Narrated by al-Haakim (1/756); he said it is saheeh according
to the conditions of Muslim. Al-Albaani said It is hasan because of
corroborating evidence, as it says in Saheeh al-Targheeb.

Goodness and happiness lie in obeying Allaah in this world,
and obeying your parents is obligatory for you. The acts of worship that you
do are not for any human being, rather they are for Allaah your Lord. We ask
Allaah to guide you and help you to do that which He loves and which pleases
Him.