Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Submission: Not Gender Exclusive

So bear with me folks, I'm gonna try and sound intelligent about this. Today, I was looking for pics to inspire a post. I admit it, I'm never truly prepared. My mind is usually stuffed with all kinds of other things and a lot of the time, I am a total space cadet. So as I was wondering Google Images, changing the search word as ideas came and went, I hit onto a comfortable topic.

BDSM is rapidly becoming a topic that, while I am not an expert and never will be, I am able to say I've formed opinions on. Slight background: I identify as a Dom (as an FYI, yes I am aware that it is Domme for female dominants. But it's my personal preference to say Dom) with some switch tendencies. So, it's something I feel I can talk about without sounding like a total dweeb.

Anyway somewhat long-winded beginning done, I discovered that there is an alarming lack of male submissive art. This isn't a new fact, no doubt. And hey, I might even be behind in talking about it. After all, there's already a website devote to it (in which I found my lovely pic): http://www.malesubmissionart.com/.

But the reason it caught my attention today was because of the absolutely ridiculous amount of female submission images. I tried to think of other images that relate directly to BDSM but you know what? If you Google anything on BDSM, it is likely that you will get an image result (or a thousand) of a bound and gagged woman. In fact, until I actually became actively interested in BDSM and met gay or male-identified practictioners, the first thing to pop in my head in relation to it was a bound woman. And the pre-requisite whips and chains and leather, yada.

Since then I've learned and written otherwise. Still, looking at those images, I'm not angry so much as I'm annoyed. There is a perceptinon about submissives that is already difficult to climb over, which is the idea that submissivs are weak or beholden to their Dom/me/Master/Mistress. But looking at the pictures on Google, I'm also baffled to see the idea that subs have to be feminine, if not female entirely.

Thinking on the stories I've read, the trend of subs tend to be slender, slim-hipped, short...or in any case, just weaker than the Dom in general. No, this doesn't mean that female subs are weaker in any way, shape or form. But let's also accept that the female gender is physically weaker than the male gender and therefore, the image of a feminine/girlish figure as a sub is a perfect visual stereotype for a submissive.

That doesn't mean it's right. A man, even the most masculine and butch male, can make a wonderful sub, visually and so on. This is another obstacle of m/m BDSM that needs to die as rapidly as the mind-reading, asshole Dom needs to. Subs come in every shape and size, male, female, genderqueer, and I think it's something those of us who write BDSM need to seriously work on bringing to the forefront.