7 Easy Ways To Get An Early Start On The Christmas Season

1. Sing Christmas Carols

What better way to celebrate the Christmas season than with these classic tunes. Sing them loud. Then listen closely to the lyrics. You'll notice that most of them describe cold, snowy weather which is commonly associated with the season. After that, go outside and realize that the weather is nothing like the songs describe it. Make a note of it.

2. Buy an Advent Calendar

This is a classic tradition everyone loves. Why not buy one now? When you get it, take a look at it. You'll notice there are 25 days on it, signifying the Christmas season, none of which are today.

3. Dress as Something Christmasy for Halloween

I mean, if you're really that horny for Christmas, I guess this is an acceptable option. At least when you're getting your Santa costume ready, this will at least remind you that Halloween hasn't happened yet, so starting to celebrate Christmas is insane.

4. Buy Christmas Presents

The only reason you think it's acceptable to start celebrating so early now is because big corporations want to extend the shopping season, so why not just eat out of their hands like the cogs that you are because, fuck it.

5. Don't Celebrate Christmas in Fall

You want to know why you like celebrating Christmas so much? It's because it only happens for a short time each year. If you really love Christmas, you'll keep it special and wait for the season to roll around before you celebrate it.

6. Seriously! What's Wrong With You People?!?

There's two months before it's Christmas. Do you realize how long that is? It's one sixth of the entire year! THAT'S A LONG FUCKING TIME!

7. Stop It!

What do you want? A year long super-Christmas. Great! We'll all survive on peppermint, and the pine tree will be extinct by June. Would you like that, you dumb fucks? WOULD YOU?!?!