Internet Defense League

Translate

Saturday, 3 August 2013

Wonder Woman

Ok before I get started on this, welcome to my 100th post. To make this more interesting. This one is gonna be my CIEIR Drinking Game. Here are the rules.

1. Grab your favorite brand of Liquor and a shot glass.

2. No one under the legal drinking age is allowed to play.

3. Take a shot if I swear.

4 Take two if I do a combination of swears.

Starting now.

Since I feel like being a fucking jerk, I am gonna swear so much that the world will echo in screams of agonizing fucking hangovers.

Wonder Woman was one of the best fucking comics ever made. She was one of the founding members of the DC Fucking Trinity along with The Goddamn Batman and the motherfucking boyscout Superman. This in turn made her a founding member of the Justice Fucking League Of America. She has had her share of solo and crossover comics, a TV series starring Linda Carter and many failed fucking attempts at a live action movie. What the fuck is so hard about making a movie about Wonder Woman. Those fucking bastards at DC and Warner must have a tin can for a brain. I mean you made Batman and Superman almost 10 fucking times already. Any attempt at other heroes like Steel, Constantine and the Green Fucking Lantern have scored 10 out of 10 in the shitty movie-o-meter. So what the Fuck? You been sitting on this fucking idea for decades. You bastards.

Anyway the story goes like so. Princess Diana of Themescyra was tasked to helping a crashed World War Fucking Two Pilot back to the states. While going, she is equipped with bullet proof bracelets and a lasso that keeps people from bullshitting. Once in the states she decides to fight the fucking Nazis while moonlighting as a fucking lawyer. It wasn't until later on that she teamed up with the rest of the DC fucking Trinity that she became a prominent member of the Justice League. Which is kind of shitty now since after years of us DCAU nerds trying to ship Wonder Woman with Batman thanks to the fucking Cartoon. The Comics decide it was better that Superman dump Lois Lane for WW. Way to go DC, you fucks killed Lianne Harper, put Roy back on the fucking Smack and now you put two people who's relationship is best described in the form of the Fuck Fest that was in the Smallville Episode "Wrath." together. Sons of bitches.

Anyway now for the fun part. Could It Fucking Exist In Real Life!!!?

If you guys read my Justice League analysis, you'd know that I couldn't find a real world version of Wonder Woman. Well to my fucking surprise I realized why. It was because Wonder Woman wasn't fucking real to begin with in a humanity sense that is. There are known factors to take into account.

Factor Fucking 1. Her parents. Hippolyta and Hades. They Exist. Hades was known as the Greek God of Death. He is in charge of looking after each fucking soul that passed through the underworld and unlike most gods who fed off the love of their people, he fed off their fears. Hippolyta also exists. Legend has it she was the basis of not only Wonder Woman, but every single Amazon legend known in the history of the world and was a damn prominent figure in other Greek legends such as Heracles (Hercules to the fucks that don't know the original.).

Factor Fucking 2. In the mainstream comics, it was said that Hades and Hippolyta created Wonder Woman out of Clay and they both breathed life into her. Which makes Wonder Woman....... Holy Sweet Merciful fucking SHIT!!!! A FUCKING GOLEM!!! For those who don't know, a Golem is an old ancient Hebrew Legend, in which a Rabbi constructed a Giant fucking statue out of Clay and brought it to life. Said statue was meant to protect the Hebrew's from persecution. That surprisingly fits into the fucking story of Wonder Woman, since she's been protecting people her whole fucking life.

Last but not fucking least, Tehmiscyra. It not only exists, but it's not an island. It's a fucking city. North of Pontus where it was believed that the Bulk of the Amazon Race Resided. I found this out by accident so you could tell I am at a loss for words. Holy Shit.

As usual debate argue and let me know what I fucking missed. Stay Tuned For More.

Since there is still room here I might as well pay tribute to George Carlin