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December 9, 2015December 4, 2016

The Things That Need to Go in 2016-Part Four

Welcome to Part Four of our countdown of The Things That Need to Go in 2016. Part One brought us high fructose corn syrup, Part Two brought us that terrible logo the Los Angeles Clippers seem to claim, Part Three brought us handstamping at Disneyland and selfie sticks. Now we give you the fourth part of our list,numbers 40-21. A reminder to all that this is a list for entertainment purposes. Here we go,here’s number 40!

40. Kids on leashes

Third year selection:2015,42,2011:25

This is making our list once again,some people want this to be higher, but I think its placement at the top of part four is where it should be. I see this from time to time (especially at Disneyland) and while I understand why parents do this,I can’t help but think that the kid is somehow being humiliated by being treated like a dog by being on a leash. Not only that,but do you as a parent want people giving you dirty looks as you take your son or daughter for a walk?

I never had one of these when I was a young tyke in the 1980s and I not only survived,but turned out okay in the process. I’m confident your youngster will be,too.

39. Jackson Rancheria CEO Rich Hoffman’s creepy mustache

Third year selection: 2015:49,2014:55

This made the list again? Wow,then this mustache must be really bad.

Rich Hoffman is the CEO of Jackson Rancheria Casino Resort and he appears on commercials for it wearing oversized glasses and a horrible mustache that someone,somewhere along the line has had to have told him looks awful.

He looks like a walrus that is watching you shower through a window and honestly, it’s not doing him any justice. I’m sure he’s a great guy and I know he looks better without a mustache, the one he has,it’s just not good!

38. People who blare their music that I don’t care about

First year selection

I can’t believe this has never made the list before!

It’s been on many of our brainstorming lists over the years and now it debut appearance. You’ve seen this before when you’re out in public and someone in a shitty-looking car with oversized wheels and marijuana growing in the trunk is blaring their terrible music very loudly. I see this a lot in the parking lots of grocery stores and shopping malls and it gets old after a while,much like the car that this terrible music is coming from.

I get it, you like loud music and cars that aren’t worth more than $350 in the Kelley Blue Book, but that doesn’t mean I have to or need to see or hear it.

37. Name-the-team contests

First year selection

I wish this had the list sooner than now because the reason it’s on the list is because these contests are fixed.

Case in point: When the Stockton Thunder went away and an AHL franchise owned by the Calgary Flames came in,the team had a contest to name them and the five finalists happened to be fire-related. What people don’t know is that the majority of fans didn’t want the name to change,but the team did it anyway and the name Heat was chosen and there was a name and logo in place when the team was announced (Note: Most times when a new name is announced,a logo comes weeks or months later,just sayin’).

Look,we know you’re going to name the team whatever you want to,there’s no sense of bringing the fans in because what they want the team’s name is much different than what you want it to be. It’s time we got rid of these contests because of how terrible they are and unnecessary!

36. Ann Coulter

Third year selection: 2015:95,2014:58

Yes,Ann the Man has made the list for a third consecutive year and she shot up the list dramatically from ’15. One reason why is because she’s a bitch.

Also,her undying support of Donald Trump and the idea that she actually believes what he’s saying is absolutely laughable,sad,and offensive all at the same time. Aside from that,a lot of the things she claims are true aren’t. That makes you a liar. Why would anyone listen to someone who lies a lot? And by the way, your books are horrible and belong at the 99¢ Only store,which is where I see a lot of them,along with Sarah Palin’s coloring books (We’ll get to her later this week!).

Oh,and she’s also never told us where that Adam’s apple of hers came from. Until she does,I’ll assume she was once a guy.

35. People who sing or rap their orders at the drive-thru

Second year selection: 2013: 65

I seriously thought this was on last year’s list,but going back through the archives,this was last on the list for 2013. Hmmm…

Anyways, this is something that annoys me because the drive-thru is built specifically to get in and out and honestly these people who do this shit are wasting the time of the people who work there and anyone else who may or may not be in line behind them.

This isn’t American Idol or The Voice or the movie 8 Mile, it’s fucking Jack in the Box. Order your 37 tacos and 11 ice cream shakes and get the hell out!

34. CATCH-ALL: People who don’t text back and People who don’t text back but can post on Facebook just fine

Third year selection: 2015:1,2014:8,First year selection

So last year’s top choice is now in part four of this list? Yep,I’ll explain why.

So in recent years the amount of people who had a hard time texting me back or calling me back had diminished, either they got with the program or I stopped talking to those people. I’m at the age now where if you’re really willing to make an effort with me, then you’re going to be in my life. But those who make zero effort will get left behind.

One thing does still get to me,though. The people who don’t text you back but can go on Facebook just fine and reply back to others. What the hell,man? That’s not someone not seeing your texts,but someone just flat out ignoring you. We have too much ignorance in today’s society and it’s time it ended in 2016. Am I right?

33. The phrase “Bye Felicia!”

Second year selection: 2015: 39

This made our list last year and it’s overuse and misuse has become so bad that we had to put it on the list again.

First off, it’s insulting to everyone named Felicia,and I’m sure there are a LOT of hot girls named Felicia out there and if there are,call me. Second of all,it’s from a 20-year-old movie. You couldn’t come up with a more recent movie to snatch a stupid catch phrase from? And lastly, too many white girls who try to act ghetto are using it. You’re white,you’re from Granite Bay, pick something else!

32. Thursday NFL games that don’t take place on Thanksgiving

Fourth year selection, 2015:6,2014:5,2013:14

Even though I love football,I don’t necessarily love it on Thursdays,unless of course it’s Thanksgiving,then I’m cool with it.

Even though some of the Thursday night games have gotten better in terms of the quality of opponents, there are still those stinkers like Tennessee and Jacksonville (really,NFL,again?) that nobody outside of Nashville or Jacksonville would want to see.

Then again,who is Jacksonville is watching the Jags now?

Anyways, let’s put more games back on Sundays so that way my NFL Sunday Ticket package is worth more than its weight in gold.

31. The phrase “Cool beans!”

First year selection

Years and years ago when I was in DeMolay, a friend on mine in our chapter hated when one of the guys would use the phrase “cool beans”. Back then I didn’t see why he hated it,but now at nearly age 34, I get it. It’s a lame phrase!

To me,it’s a soft way of saying “great,” “cool,” or “all right” and dresses it up poorly. It’s almost lazy and underwhelming. I would instead use terms like “that sounds wonderful” or “awesome” or “that’s what’s up”. Using “cool beans” just makes me not want to say anything more for a while.

30. The idea that Billy Beane is a “genius”

Second year selection: 2015:8

This actually dropped quite a bit from last year and the reason why is because as a Giants fan I don’t care if this guy is a genius or not,he’s got zero rings on his fingers in his time in Oakland.

Though many of us saw the Oakland A’s sucking major ass this season, it doesn’t matter because Billy Beane is still not a genius.

You can’t be deemed a genius if you trade away a guy who goes on to be the American League MVP and gets his team to the playoffs for the first time in 22 years.

As we mentioned last year, Beane is never going to win a World Series doing what he’s been doing year in and year out. Trading your core players away and expecting to win without them is just not going to work. And stop it with the excuse of “we don’t have any money to pay our players’. That’s a bullshit excuse because it’s not true. They have plenty of money,they just don’t tell anyone that. He and his team need to change their ways if they ever want to be serious contenders. Until then,expect this team to trade people away and not pack the stands.

29. Extra long extra points

First year selection

Of all the NFL concerns, the extra point,in my opinion,was among the least of them. I don’t like that they changed it to a 33-yard extra point. Why you ask? Because many kickers are missing them now and the ones that do make them are missing the ones that actually count when the game is on the line because their leg is tired,which then leads to their release because kickers are a dime a dozen.

Honestly,I liked that the extra point was almost automatic. Moving it back to a 33-yard try took that away and it’s honestly missing,especially if your team loses the game by a point that you should’ve had. I can understand making it a 25-yard field goal,but 33? Yeah,no!

Cris Carter wearing sneakers on TV. C’Mon Man!

28. ESPN anchors in sneakers

First year selection

Not so much any SportsCenter anchors are the inspiration for this item on the list,but guys who are analysts on NFL and NBA pregame shows such as Sunday NFL Countdown and the like. Many are former athletes who made a significant amount of money during their playing careers and have made a questionable decision to pair their $3000 suits with sneakers. Even 76-year-old Mike Ditka has been seen in sneakers with his suits.

Really,guys? You mean to tell me you can’t get some time in your lives to go out to Jos. A. Bank and get some nice dress shoes?

Your playing days are over, you’re on television now,it’s time your shoes matched the rest of your attire. Also,it’s a double standard being created with the men being able to wear sneakers on set,but the women on these shows are still wearing dresses and heels,which I’m sure aren’t very comfortable. On second thought,maybe it’s a good thing the ladies are still dressing more professional than the guys. Keep those shoes on,ladies!

27. Man buns

First year selection

This missed the ’15 list because I thought the trend would die,man was I wrong. It’s grown exponentially and honestly,it’s kind of sickening. Shit,even Santa Claus has one up in Portland. But that’s Portland for you,I guess.

It’s fine if you have long hair,but putting it in a bun is a little girly and it’s probably grounds for revocation of the Man card. Unless you’re Joakim Noah of the Chicago Bulls,he’s off limits because for some reason his doesn’t bother me. Everyone else’s does.

26. Papa John’s Pizza

Third year selection: 2015:16, 2014:14

This does keep dropping on the list,but it does have staying power because of how bad their pizza is and how awful of a guy Papa John is. Here’s a guy who in the past has had no problem giving away millions of pizzas during football season,but says he can’t afford healthcare for his full-timers. Maybe if we didn’t give away free pizza to people,we’d be making more money so we could do that,right?

Also,way to dwarf Peyton Manning in the commercials now with J.J. Watt. I’m really starting to feel bad for him with his career ending the way it is. Hey Peyton, you’re welcome to come to Round Table Pizza with me at anytime. It’s on me,brother!

25. CATCH-ALL: People who want to split California up into multiple states and Anybody from the “State of Jefferson”

Second year selection: 2015:51

I thought these weirdos who want to secede from California would not be heard from anymore,wow was I wrong.

There is and has been a movement from the north part of the state to break that part of the state off and form one called Jefferson. The people that wish to do this claim it’s because of underrepresentation in Congress, but what they don’t know is that even if Jefferson ever came to fruition,they’d still have the same number of representatives in the House.

Anyways,fear not,people who like California the way it is, this has failed over 200 times and it will fail over and over and over again. I do believe we will have a 51st state someday,but not at California’s expense.

24. The notion that there’s a “War of Christmas”

First year selection

This is something that only exists in people’s heads. The idea that just because someone says “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” that all of a sudden Christmas has lost its luster.

Hey,genius,you are aware that there are other holidays that people cleberate instead of Christmas this time of year,right? Chanukkah is going on right now at press time and Kwanzaa is coming up and there are other holidays as well. Forcing people to just say “Merry Christmas” is not only harsh,but also offensive to some.

Christmas isn’t dying,the true meaning of it is with the overcommercialization of the holiday,but overall,Christmas is alive and well.

23. Skinny ties

Second year selection: 2013:37

I was hoping this trend would go away by now,but it hasn’t and it is starting to piss me off.

Why,you ask? Because it’s getting harder and harder to find ties that are wide enough to my liking. I’m this close to thrift shopping when it comes to ties,and there are not that many good looking ties at thrift stores (no offense!).

I’m hoping we can get back to wider ties. Not ’70s wide,but where we were before the fad was forced upon me and us.

22. All job interviews done over the phone

First year selection

This is a practice I’ve long been against and I’ll tell you why. It’s simple, if you’re not interviewing me in person, you’re not that interested in me and honestly you’re probably doing this because you’re getting my interview out of the way because you’re set on hiring someone else anyway.

I’ve personally never had a job interview over the phone,but I would not go for that. For one thing,I’m not a phone person. At all.

Also,I’m never opposed to interviewing in person. I’m most comfortable with doing that to be honest with you. I’ll meet an employer anytime anywhere to discuss a job opportunity,as long as that anywhere isn’t an ear on the phone,that is.

21. Sacramento TV stations rooting for the Golden State Warriors

First year selection

This is a Keepin’ it Real selection for me because during the NBA postseason this year,every single Sacramento television station had a hardcore hard-on for the Golden State Warriors. Even Channel 10 changed their logo to feature the Warriors’ logo inside the ABC logo. Channel 10,by the way,airs Sacramento Kings games over-the-air a few times a year.

Memo to these stations,the Warriors are not our local team, in fact,we have a local team here that you should probably cover more,the Sacramento Kings. You know,that team that’s moving into that shiny new arena downtown next year. These stations slapped civic pride in the face by being Warriors bandwagoners during the NBA postseason. Do you think Bay Area stations were shouting “Go Kings” or altering their station’s logos by putting a crown on them back in that team’s heyday? I highly doubt it.