Friday, June 1, 2012

Since my heart stopped beating. My world crashed down around
me. My life was changed, forever. I can remember parts of it like it was
yesterday. but it’s still all such a blur. It doesn’t seem real. This did not
happen to me. im living someone else’s nightmare, right? I mean, this was not
in my plan… how could this happen?

Ive tried to find the words, but I just can’t. nothing can
come close to describing my life on that day, and the days to come..

My heart was breaking. I had been betrayed. Abandoned. Lied
to. My trust was broken. My innocence was lost. My mind was blown. This could
not be happening to me. to us. but it was… this was my reality. I didn’t
deserve it. I never saw it coming. In some ways, I feel like I should have known.
If only I would have paid more attention. Gone up there more. listened to
others. Set boundaries. But it was too little too late. Nothing could change
what had happened.

But I never gave up hope. I would not let this define me. I
would not let Satan defeat me. I would not leave. I would stay and fight. For
myself and my children. For my husband and our marriage. My family.

God opened my eyes to the many blessings in my life and was
so real to me… he never left my side. He gave me strength. When I didn’t think
I could go on, or when I thought I would never stop crying, when I thought
about how this would affect my future, he protected me. he gave me peace. He
would not let my mind wander to the “what ifs.” He put people in my life to
help me, to encourage me… in such a time as this.

I learned that he was and is my everything. My hope, my
trust, my joy, my provider. My comforter, my peace, my strength…not only my
strength to go on, but to love and to forgive… he held me in his hands and
wrapped his arms so tight around me. he protected me.

Unfortunately, Satan was also more real to me than ever before. I realized
that he tried to destroy me. to break me. to tear me down. but I’m so very
thankful that what satan meant for evil, the lord meant for good!

It’s been a year.

They told me we could overcome this. That we would be
stronger because of it. that we would learn certain lessons that we could not
have learned any other way. I did not think it possible. But today, I am here
to tell you, they were right. We have overcome this… we are stronger because of
it, and there are several lessons we had to learn… and although they were hard
lessons, and they hurt, I’m confident they will help us in the future.

God is beyond amazing, and has truly worked a miracle in my
life. I’m blessed way more than I deserve. I’m thankful that he has made beauty
from our ashes. It’s not always easy, and we aren’t perfect by any means. But
as He promises: Love NEVER Fails!

1 comments:

Jamie, you are so brave! Thank you for sharing your heart. I am so proud of you for doing the unthinkable- by today's standard. you stayed, and claimed what the Lord said was yours. I can't imagine the pain and hurt you must have gone through, but how awesome that the Lord made something beautiful from your ashes!!!!!! You are a beautiful warrior!!!!

Lucas

About Me

Nate and I have been married since July 17, 2004. I love him so much... he is sweet, loving, funny, handsome, and so much more! He is the best husband and daddy I could have ever asked for! We have 2 wonderful, beautiful, sweet little boys, Trace Carter who was born in March 07, and Lucas James who was born in Jan 09. We are so blessed and love our boys so much. They bring so much joy to our lives. I have the best parents and in-laws. Nate and I are so blessed to have been raised in Christian homes with awesome, Godly parents. I also have one sister, Shannon, who is married to Nate's brother, Josh. They have 3 kids: Caden and Laura Grace, aka LaLa, and Timothy, aka Sweet T. :) Yes, our kids are double first cousins! And I have one sister-in-law, Rachel, who is married to Dalton. They also have 2 kids: Kenley and Mason. We are very close to our family and I love it! I am SO BLESSED!!