The British Language

I had to laugh at this headline above a top story on The Telegraph website now:

Comet nears administration, 6,000 jobs at risk

My first thought was that the headline writer had lost his mind in US election delirium. This sounds like a variation on that joke headline about how the end of the world will be reported to reflect the biases of major newspapers, e.g., “World Ends Tomorrow; Gays, Minorities Worst Hit” (NYTimes), or “Massive Market Selloff In Apocalypse Fears” (Wall Street Journal). On first read, I thought this was a story about how a surging Romney threatens to put Obama administration workers out of a job.

Then I remembered this was a British newspaper. Comet is a UK retailer. For a company to go into “administration” means court-supervised bankruptcy. Ah.

Studying British (or to use the academic term, Proto-American) is a fascinating examination of how a peculiarly insulated and primitive language evolves in a different direction from its more cosmopolitan branches.

When I lived in Britain during the 1980s, a billboard on my street in Aberdeen advertised the virtues of Electrolux vacuum cleaners thusly: “Nothing Sucks Like an Electrolux.”

Another large British retailer decided that its electronic products needed a Japanese-sounding brand name so that people would buy them with confidence. They chose “Matsui.” Unfortunately for them, Matsui was a Japanese war criminal who was responsible for thousands of British deaths after the fall of Singapore in WWII.

As good a time as any to remind fellow readers of my favorite (or should I write ‘favourite’?) British newspaper headline. In 1986, the Right Hon. Michael Foot was placed in charge of a nuclear disarmament committee; the Times reported the news under the following banner: “Foot Heads Arms Body.”

Having lived there for years, I knew what administration meant, but have never heard of Comet — I reckon (normal word for the Brits, not hillbilly-ish) that’s why they are going into administration. So their operations will be ‘winding down’ — that’s a useful one, which is used as much in business context as events (the way we use it). Fortnight is another word I’ve been trying to get adopted here — it’s a useful span of time. The thing I really like are the subtle differences in grammar — *I’ve not gone* shopping today vs. I haven’t gone shopping today, *different to* rather than *different than*, Would you eat a snake? I *would do* rather than just I would.

In 1986, the Right Hon. Michael Foot was placed in charge of a nuclear disarmament committee; the Times reported the news under the following banner: “Foot Heads Arms Body.”

This isn’t a headline, but I once read an article about translators at the UN, and the difficulties they face. One particular problem is virtually untranslatable puns. Apparently some years ago Hugh Foot, the UK UN representative, was presenting the British government’s position on a issue. His brother, Michael Foot, was known to be a vocal opponent of the government’s position; Hugh commented that this was a case of the right Foot not knowing what the left Foot was doing.

A bit of a topical tangent, but this reminded me of The Onion issue I can’t bring myself to throw away, with the lead headline “Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth.”

“The voters sent us to Washington to stand up for individual liberty, not big government,” Rep Steve King, R-IA said at a press conference… “We believe that the decisions on how to deal with the massive asteroid are best left to the individual.”

(To be fair and bipartisan, I should mention the adjacent article had a grungy photo of Kathleen Sibelius, announcing “Department of Health and Human Services Recommends Standing At Least Once A Day.”)