Everything you need to know

|
Nov 12, 2007

**Dear Myrtle,

My roommate and I have been good friends since freshman year, before we were roommates. This is my second year rooming with her, and, over the past year, she has stopped wanting to hang out with me and will often ditch me to hang out with her other friends. It seems that, because we’re roommates and we see each other all the time, she doesn’t feel the need to hang out with me and always seems so excited to see everyone else. This makes sense, but I feel like we’re not good friends anymore, and I don’t want this to happen. What can I do to save/renew our friendship?

—Worried About Roommate Friendship

Hello there WARF,**

Unfortunately, there’s nothing like rooming together to break up a good friendship. It’s a very rare couple of friends who can room together and remain close. Being in close proximity puts all kinds of stress on a friendship — all the little things that you don’t mind in a friend (like gum-popping, leaving dirty dishes lying around, watching Bill O’Reilly, or plucking eyebrow hairs out one by one and shrieking each time) drive you absolutely up the wall in a roommate. And you’ve also got it right that being with one person 24/7 can make you crave a change — even if nothing that person does drives you nuts. So the best thing you can do for this friendship is to stop being roommates. With any luck, you’ll find that a little distance is all your friendship needs. Of course, there’s a slim chance you’re just drifting apart, but there’s no reason to accept that until it’s the only possibility. Until you can move out (I’d wait until the end of the semester, at least, if not the end of the year), talk to her and tell her how you feel. Also, do some fun stuff together to remind yourselves how great it is to actually get along with your roommate — have a movie night, cook your favorite meals together, or redecorate your room.

**—Myrtle

Dear Myrtle,

I have a great boyfriend — stable, cute, sweet, sensible, gentle, pre-med — only problem is, he doesn’t excite me. He should excite me — he’s right in every way — but I keep getting the hots for bad boys, married boys, boys who only want me for my body, and even criminals (once). What’s the matter with me?

—Seeking Mr. All Wrong

Dear SMAW,**

The first thing you have to do is leave your boyfriend, now. He may be “right in every way,” but he’s obviously not right for you, and you’re only hurting somebody who seems perfectly nice by staying in a relationship that does nothing for you whatsoever. After you’re single, think carefully to yourself about whether you really want a committed relationship right now. Maybe what you need at the moment is to date a bunch of different guys (preferably one after the other, not all at once, as you are now) and learn more about yourself in the process before tying yourself down to someone you’re not into. Or maybe you just want all these “bad boys” because your “good boy” wasn’t doing it for you. If you look hard and long, I think you’ll find someone who’s both right in every way and a little bit naughty and exciting. Don’t commit to anyone who doesn’t meet both criteria.