or i will have full blown cancer and i will have to have a hysterectomy.

so worst case scenario sucks ding dong but it's not a death sentence, i know that...

but it's still scary as balls anytime cancer is uttered in regards to your person.

back in 1998 i had surgery to remove pre cancerous cells and i was told it happens to so many and nothing to worry about. it was scary but being so young i felt pretty invincible and when you are young you are a total asshole about shit like that.

well this time the doctor was a little more serious about it.

a private office visit serious.

with pictures and diagrams and shit.

and words like "this is rare" and "it could be" and "if it is you will be referred to an ONCOLOGIST".

which means cancer doctor and cancer is scary as fuck ya'll.

now before i go scaring myself again..

she also said that in her 22 years it's almost never advanced and it is totally catchable.

and she even held up her fingers in the shape of a 'zero' as in the chances were almost zero.

bc i am not post menopausal and i am not bleeding between periods.

i guess those are the common threads to having advanced cancerous cells.

but still, almost never is not never.

and there's that little tiny chance that even the most optimistic person (which is not me i assure you) cannot ignore completely.

so now on to the super shitty part of this story.

bc yes, it gets worse.

i don't have insurance.

a pre- existing diabetic doesn't get much love in this country.

before mike and i went into business for ourselves mike worked a corporate job that was killing him on the inside.

but we had great insurance.

he got fired, thankfully bc now he is doing what he loves.

but we lost our insurance.

so these procedures are going to be expensive.

god willing there will only be the biopsy ( a few hundred) and the lab (a few thousand).

but if i need more surgery to remove cells i have no idea what a person paying out of pocket will have to pay for that.

so...if you have ever considered buying a painting from me, or ad space or to e-decorate a room for you please consider it harder.

anyway..

i needed to get that off my chest.

thank you for listening.

have any of you had a similar situation?

tell me your story..

and if any of you are due for a pap smear but are too lazy to go...don't be an asshole.

especially if you have insurance.

gluten free and cancer free farts,

***UPDATES- i can't even begin to tell you in words just how i feel about all of this love and support.

i will try in a bit.

for now many of you have asked about the paypal button on the side of my blog.

it works you just have to go through the paypal site for sending money online.