J is for…. Jaded Joy.

I thought of the word jaded thanks to the chorus of a song: Fuel’s “Wasted Time” came up on my music player while I sat here trying to come up with a topic. Mind you, I’m not in the best mind frame today, so you’re probably gonna wonder why the word joy is in there.

Should have been, by all accounts, a normal day. I was going to wake up and go swimming, then head to placement. The kids had an in-town field trip today that I was going to join them on. Would’ve been a busy day, but there shouldn’t have been anything out of the ordinary about it.

But alas, when I woke around 5:30 with the intention of going swimming, I felt terrible. I had absolutely no willpower to get out of bed. I wanted to stay right where I was, curl up in a ball, and sleep all day. I’ve been having issues getting going in the morning for a while now, but nothing like this. It just seemed like no matter what I told myself as motivation I could not see the good side of getting out of bed. To make it even more fun, I felt dizzy and feverish, and strangely enough, had the sensation that I was hot and cold at the same time. I burrowed into my blankets, deciding going swimming wasn’t happening; and even though I was shivering and hiding under my blankets, I was sweating, too.

Not a pleasant start. I hoped sleeping an extra hour or so instead of swimming would help kick it, but no such luck. When I woke again I still felt foggy and disoriented and all-around tired. Now, since I’m moving two days after placement ends, I’ve been trying to avoid having to miss any days since our program’s rules are that we need to make up any missed time, and we do seven and a half hours a day. On school hours, I can afford to make up one day. Hopefully. Having figured that out, I called in sick and emailed my college supervisor, then passed back out until ten, at which point I woke up because every fire alarm in every apartment in the building was being tested, and my dog, being afraid of them, was glued against me and trembling.

I stayed awake with my terrified dog while the apartment was tested (and then had to drag her out of the neighbour’s apartment when she decided she wanted a visit), then waited for the fire drill that we all had to leave for. I was back in bed shortly after eleven and slept til four.

And I’m still tired.

But you know what? Despite the fact that I feel like crap, I’m not really in a bad mood. I’m a little worn down, and I’ll admit that maybe I’m a little burnt out. But I can still see the good. I see my boyfriend this weekend for the first time in a month (even if he is dragging me to see Titanic–don’t get me started on that one); I’ve only got a few weeks left of placement; I’ll be moving to a city with someone I love in it soon.

So am I jaded? Sure, a little. It wasn’t the easiest of days. But I’m not forgetting about the good stuff.