Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Auld Ange Singe: Early Warning

For the first time in 32 years, the show we all love to hate, 'Rockin' New Year's Eve,' will not be MC-ed by Dick Clark. Clark recently had a stroke. I remember as a kid growing up Guy Lombardo was the MC of the most-watched festivities and thinking, 'When is this old fuck gonna step aside?'
So a new generation has probably been muttering the same thing about Clark for about a decade. But did we think we'd be getting this as a suitable, more hip replacement to Clark? Might as well do prune jell-o shots and oil the wheels on my Rally. Why not this, or even this as an alternative? Say what you will about Clark, the mini-skirted dance contestants on American Bandstand were the best way to jump-start your hormones on a Saturday afternoon. Hell, I continued to watch even after he stopped booking groups like 13th Floor Elevator, Music Machine*, Love, The Blues Magoos, Moby Grape and The Seeds...

All the best to Clark; I wish him a speedy recovery. And someone over at the network should really rethink this whole 'Rockin' New Year's Eve. It's time for a fun change of pace. I say Keith Richards and Courtney Love at a free clinic in the Bronx...Billy Corrigan and Amanda Plummer at a Hooter's in Destin, Florida...David Byrne and Traci Lords at the Mall of America...you know, a real Red State-Blue State, hands across the divide, wake up and rock kinda New Year's Eve. And mini-skirts. I want mini-skirts. As long as Iggy Pop isn't wearing one.

* easily a decade before Jack-O(ff) started wearing his signature, solitary white glove, the lead singer for Music Machine hit the scene in an all-leather jump suit sporting one black glove.