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The Balance Between Empathy And Responsibility

We truly can never hurt another.
Everyone creates their own hurts
and their own joys

I create my own hurt
And my own joy

Knowing this I cannot take responsibility when someone else is hurt.
I also place the same responsibility upon myself

Avoid Blame – the Toxic Joy Killer

Both ways I avoid blame.
For when we blame ourselves for hurting others
it gives us unspoken permission to blame others for hurting us
Blame is an excellent way to avoid responsibility
And avoiding responsibility is a fantastic way to avoid change

For many years I held fast to the idea that I could not hurt another.
I worked very hard to give everyone responsibility for their own lives
And to take complete responsibility for my own feelings as well.

Allowing the Softness of Empathy into my Heart

Yet in the past decade or so of my development
I have felt that is too cold and distant a philosophy.
It is lacking in heart, it seems to dry and devoid of love.

So I allowed the feelings of empathy to re-awaken in me
I felt I had enough strength in the idea of independent responsibility
that I could allow myself to once again feel bad when I hurt someone
(or when I’ve participated in the process of them hurting themselves to be very accurate)

Honestly it feels better
Feels deeper
more connected
and loving

The difference is that I do it with the knowledge that they have really hurt themselves
And that I have really hurt myself.

I Feel Bad, But I Don’t Feel I Am Bad

This keeps me from feeling guilty
I feel bad, but I don’t feel I am bad
that is the great secret!

This is the power of the YinYang
to be able to hold opposite ideas at the SAME time

**You are completely responsible for your own pain**
and
**I’m sorry I hurt you.**

Still Working On Myself, Healing And Loving

And yet I blame of others and myself does creep in
For I am a work in progress.
I do have a feeling that “I am Bad.” at times

Here I do need some work
some healing
Give myself more love.

Isn’t more love always the answer to healing?
I rather think so.

Vulnerability and Softness is True Strength

I can’t allow other peoples issues with themselves
reflected/projected onto me
make me feel less than worthy
less than loved

The tricky balance for me is to feel this
without losing the softness of empathy and love
I’ve worked so hard to develop.

I don’t want to harden my heart in order to feel safe.
The more open and vulnerable I can be
The safer I am.