The best part about Esquire magazine – and this is objective fact – is the “What I’ve Learned” articles. Besides giving readers unfiltered glimpses into the minds of public figures, they serve up quotes such as David Bowie’s “Fame can take interesting people and thrust mediocrity upon them,” and 50 Cent’s “Always have bail money.”

OK, so they can’t all be winners. San Diegans, of all people, should be able to understand that. Still, with the Ambien about to kick in for 2012, I thought I’d share what I’ve learned since moving to SD – a town that hasn’t required bail money of me…quite yet.

Chargers fans are exhausted. There have been plenty of franchises worse than the Bolts over the past few years, but not many that keep playing Jenga with their supporters’ hopes like this.

A Monday-night collapse, a 4th-and-29, and a third straight stiff-arm from the playoffs? In this paradise of a city, a breakthrough Chargers team is the closest thing we’ve had to a mirage.

I remember in “The Dark Knight Rises,” as Bruce Wayne looks up at the clear blue sky from his prison pit, he is told that “there can be no true despair without hope.” Well, with just one losing season since 2003, the Bolts have been feeding their fans false hope for nearly a decade – but with four blackouts this year, those fans appear to be losing their appetites.

The most interesting coaches are on Montezuma Mesa. Getting a good quote out of San Diego State football coach Rocky Long is sort of like getting an old Nintendo cartridge to function. It might not work at first, but blow on the disk a few times, and you’re golden.

When pressed, Long will spare reporters the safe responses and dispense the straightforward ones. Then, he’ll put on a headset, go for two with the game on the line, and triple a whole stadium’s heart rate.

As for Aztecs men’s basketball coach Steve Fisher? He’s the Yoda of college hoops. Sit down with him, and he’s as gentle as a koala. But try to beat him, and he’ll twist your ego into a balloon animal and pop it in front of thousands.

Tijuana is safe. Well, as long as the Xolos are playing. Last month, before my friend and I were going to cross the Mexican border for the first time in our lives, she called her parents just to say she loved them. I did not do the same…but only because I promised my dad I’d never go to TJ.

Consumed by fear, my amiga ended up bailing last-minute, leaving me to make the journey alone. But when I arrived, it wasn’t danger that caught my attention – it was devotion.

The city was fixated on the first match of the Mexican League final between the Xolos and Toluca. And the fans watched in a way that you won’t see in the States – which was to engage in total silence during normal run of play, then scream with every millimeter of their larynxes when a goal was scored.