Age-Old Whine: The DMV Revolving Door

MATT DAVIS

BACK IN CALIFORNIA RECENTLY, one of my little chores was the reinstating of my drivers license. Ive been wandering the world with a Mississippi license good through June 9, 2004, but theres unfortunately little reason to hustle back down to the Gulf Coast unless you count a shrimp po boy with a splash of Louisiana Hot Sauce reason enough.

There are a few reasons why I choose not to throw it all in and get my European Union drivers license. Part of it is that I like to maintain some important connections with my mother country. The United States mostly rocks and I miss it often.The other big reason for keeping this Yankee link is that its so dang easy to get a license stateside and such a procedural freak show everywhere else. Just try changing your home and license to anywhere else in the world and youll soon be singing the praises of your former homes dreaded DMV. So theres also some sheer opportunism at play here.

Its amazing that license renewal in America can be penciled in as one of many chores in a day. Like buying a corn dog and Slurpee. I parked in the Fort Bragg DMV lot, walked in and took a number. Mom had nabbed the latest edition of the rules of the road and I read through it once. While waiting, I filled out the one-page renewal form. The very nice lady called my number, took my $15 and handed me the exam. Thirty-six questions, 18 on each side of the sheet. She crossed out the 18 on the back with a red pencil and handed it to me. Before starting, she had me pose for a new ex-convict photo and recorded my right thumb print.Ten minutes later I was done and had answered all 18 correctlythe first perfect score in my driving career. My vision test was taken in 30 seconds, I wrote my signature on a touch pad, and my old California license number was mine again. All told, 20 minutes. Another item on my to-do list eliminated for four more years.Isnt there something wrong with this? Making things easy is a good move, but some thingssuch as driving anything on U.S. roadsare so important that they should never be so dumbed down. Ever since our federal and state governments realized that driver licensing and car registration are major revenue sources, theyve made it shamefully easy for us to keep on rolling along. A firm believer in paying for what you get in this life, Id prefer that all motorists be made to pass a drivers safety course prior to any renewal regardless of how spotless their record may be. The exam would be nearer to 100 questions; not, as in my case, a pitiful 18. More than five wrong answers and you come back in a month to retry a fresh set of 100.In the case of California, Gov. Gray Davis signing of a bill that triples the price of annual vehicle registration is shortsighted and wrong. Lets pay more, absolutely, but not like this. Mandate all motorists to take drivers ed. until theyre six feet under or on the mantle, to pay for big-league drivers safety courses and to be thoroughly with the program as they sit down for their $50 one-hour renewal test. In most cases it would be once every four or so years and it would be worth it.Meantime, I and others live the life of Riley knowing we can get three out of 18 questions wrong and still be given an unrestricted license to drive for less than the price of a meal for three at McDonalds.