OK, here we go. I made the mistake of upgrading to Windows 10. Of course, I did it in such a way that I can’t go back. Really, why not burn all the frigging bridges…

So I’m standing on the opposite shore and I’m cool. I have an upgrade and that has to be a good thing. But it’s not. Not by a goddamned longshot. It started almost right away. I’m there. in the middle of a really great death scene. I have every detail in my head, and I mean even shit as small and trivial as a mouse turd.

Suddenly, I’m staring at a black screen. The light was on next to me so it wasn’t a power outage. The comp light was on so the computer didn’t die. There was no burning smell that would suggest the motherboard exploded into flames.

What in the hell was it?

Then the screen lit up again. It started as if I had rebooted it. I tried to think if some premature bout with Alzheimer disease took hold of me and made me hit restart or some equally asinine thing. I couldn’t remember if it had but I reasoned that if it had, I wouldn’t know. I just chalked it up to a possible alien abduction. At any rate, the piece I was working on came back up, but by now my mind was off on another trail. That great scene was gone and would never come back.

OK, shit happens. Then it happened again. And again. And yet again. Finally, I had to see what was going on with this. After a few inquires, I find out these are updates. Ahhh, updates. I can fix that. I’ll just explain to Windows that I don’t want automatic updates. There was a slight problem…there’s no place to do this.

I had to do research to find out how to shut the goddamned thing off, and guess what? It updated while I was looking it up!

SUNUVABITCH!!!!

I fully expected the comp to start talking to me! Stuff like; “I can’t allow you to deprogram me Dave” or “Try to go over my head about my program again and I’ll fuck you up Dave”.

I finally find out how to tell Windows 10 not to update automatically. Except you can’t. The best you can do is have it ask when you want it to update. I chose 3AM. Apparently, Windows 10 has no sense of humor because it started ignoring my 3AM choice and shutting down for updates whenever it damn well pleased anyway.

Does Bill Gates still own Microsoft? I need to know who I should extend my finger to. Not the one Lee J. Cobb is using in the picture above. It’s a different finger. Alternatively, I’ve toyed with the idea of sending a nice pile of Noob the Wonder Dog’s crap to Microsoft HQ in an unvented shoe box. My luck, it would be considered an act of terrorism and I’d have the FBI breaking down my door. Next thing you know, I’m in a federal penitentiary having to put the lotion in the basket before I get the hose again. Screw that!

But what are my alternatives? Well, I can throw my computer away and go buy a used one that doesn’t have Misery 10 installed. I can wipe the one I have now and try to find a copy of an earlier, more intelligent Windows. Not a very bright outlook.

It seems that all I can hope for is Microsoft to take pity and fix it so I can have my uninterrupted work back. If they were smart they would offer a $50. program that would fix the evil parts of Misery 10. From what I’ve heard, they would make a fortune. Then again, if they were smart they would fire the prick that thought this would be a good idea to program in. Then again, maybe if WE were smart, we would grab our torches and pitchforks and storm their castle. FORCE them to fix their shit!

In conclusion, allow me a moment to say what my heart truly feels;

Fuck you Bill! Fuck you for making Windows 10! If you didn’t make it, fuck you for selling it to the asshole that did!