Britmums Daily Photo Challenge: Day 24 – Key

Today’s word is, Key. So, in honour of this, I present to you…

The Key to a Happy Marriage in 10 Easy Steps!

(The Life is Knutts version)

Keep your mind on your main goal, which is to have a happy marriage. In order to achieve this, keep your mouth shut when your spouse pisses you off and bury your resentment and anger deep down inside you. What harm can it do…?

Keep asking yourselves, “What can we do to have a happy, loving atmosphere in our home?” Suggestions to achieve this goal would be mainly Gin or Wine based, not listening to a word your spouse says also helps.

Focus on giving, rather than taking. I tend to find giving abuse/taking the piss out of my spouse myself is much more fun than having to take it when they dish it out. Get in there first and beat your spouse to it!

Keep doing and saying things that will give your spouse a sense of importance. I find the response of “goodness me, I’m so silly, if only I knew as much as you do Darling!” works in this instance. Or try playing ignorant by asking a silly question, which you actually already know the answer to, just to make them feel better about themselves. An example would be, “Darling, what does the U stand for in USA? I’ve completely forgotten! Aren’t I a silly sausage?!”

Frequently ask yourself, “What positive things can I say and do to put my (husband or wife) in a positive emotional state?” Saying things like “you don’t look as crap as you did last week Darling” and “have you shaved your legs? It’s nice not feeling like I’m next to King Kong in bed” may help here. Notice the little things…

Before speaking, clarify the outcome you want. By this I mean make sure you have already set the expectation for the response you want to hear in reply to the question you’re about to ask. This helps by giving you time to prepare your answer and allows you to whip yourself into a frenzy about something even before you’ve asked the question. For example, you want to redecorate your bedroom. You know your spouse will say no due to ‘not being able to visualize things like you’ and because it will probably cost too much money. You preempt this by making a mood board with your ideas, getting quotes from decorators and by preparing yourself to turn on the water works and become emotional when faced with a response different to the one you require to hear.

Show appreciation and gratitude in as many ways as possible. A pat on the head, a thumbs up or a simple nod of the head are all acceptable ways to portray appreciation in a marriage. Saying “thank you”, “I love you” or “I could never live without you” are a little overboard and will just arouse suspicion. Keep it simple.

Be a good listener. Understand your spouse from his or her point of view. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with the crap they’re spouting, just understand it, take it in, process it, thank the lord that you’re not of the same mindset as they are and keep your mouth shut.

Instead of blaming and complaining, think of positive ways to motivate your spouse. I find alcoholic or chocolate based rewards work with spouses. When they take their cup out to the kitchen, a segment of chocolate orange. When they change the toilet roll after it’s finished, half a Toblerone. When they put their pants in the washing basket rather than next to it, a pint of beer, and so on. Stickers and reward charts just don’t cut it when you’re over 8…

Do not cause pain with words. If your spouse speaks to you in ways that cause you pain, choose outcome wording, “Lets speak to each other in ways that are mutually respectful”. So, for example, if your spouse calls you an unreasonable tosser, you’re perfectly entitled to call your spouse this back in retaliation. If they think it’s acceptable language, then it’s fair game.
I hope you’ve found this information on “The Key to a happy Marriage” helpful.

If you have any other methods, please feel free to share.

I’ve no idea what we had just said to eachother here…but I do love this photo 😊

22 Comments

I enjoyed this.. you have the same sense of humor… I was actually thinking about writing.. I also I have thought this way for a short while but it’s true.. especially when you feel like you are talking to a brick wall LOL

very, very, very entertaining – wine and gin all the way, don’t go overboard on comments and respond in exactly the same way your partner has – you’re brilliant – you need to write a book! #passthesauce

Haha – hilarious! I love it. I completely agree with these tips. Particularly number 7 – so important not to go overboard!
I have a query about how to properly implement number 9: should he know he’s being rewarded, or should I be subliminally training him like Pavlov’s dogs?!

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Oh, hello you!

My name is Gemma, I'm a married mum to 3 feral boys & I'm the one who writes this drivel. I hope you enjoy your visit to my blog where you'll find cocktail & baking recipes, parenting rants, crafts & day out ideas.

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