The Higher The Hair, The Closer To God

03.25.10 | 3 Comments

So! If you watched last night’s Shear Genius, you’ll know that there was no one for me to interview this morning because no one was kicked off last night. I was disappointed. First of all, I like interviewing the eliminated contestants. And secondly, it’s a competitive reality show. Someone is suppose to go home at the end! The trick of keeping all four worked the first few times we saw it on a reality show, but by now I just feel annoyed when it happens. Kick a bitch off!

However. If someone was going to go last night, you know it was going to be Jon because they’re going to keep Brig until the last possible second and then probably give her a spin off. So, in that case, I’m kind of glad they saved everyone. On to the recap!

Our four remaining stylists arrive in the salon for the Short Cut Challenge and must select a tool, a style, and an inspiration from Camila’s rather ominous looking Inspiration Board to use on their model. They choose scissor boxes to determine picking order and line up, with Jon doing his bouncy excited thing about being first, but it’s short lived. Camila tells they they’ll be picking for the person to their left. Jon picks for Brig, Brig picks for Janine (dun dun dunnnn), Janine picks for Mathew, and Jon gets what’s left. Here is how it pans out:

Brig: sponge rollers, finger waves, Paris

Janine: mullet, rainbow, crimp iron (dude.)

Mathew: flat iron, braids, ocean

Jon: curling iron, bangs, disco ball

The stylists have to incorporate all three of these elements into their look, but as guest judge, Allure’s Editor in Chief, Linda Wells, warns them, it’s important not to get trapped by those specific elements and still make it in good taste. Celebrity stylist Mark Townsend is also on hand for this challenge.

Stylists get stylin’. Mathew adds a ton of extensions. (So many extensions this season. It’s bananas.) He’s doing a mermaidy, beachy, flat-ironed braids look. Jon is doing an afro on a white girl, so we’ll see. Brig is chopping off her model’s pretty hair into a really boring length bob, even though the model looks pretty unhappy about it. (Yeah, again. Do you think there is a support group for Brig’s victims?)

Even though Brig was trying to screw Janine over with the choice of mullet, rainbow, crimp iron, Janine is not scared. And knowing Janine’s style and abilities, that actually seems to play to her advantage. She gets to work rainbow dyeing extensions. Meanwhile, Brig’s model looks like she wants to kill self as half of her hair is hacked off.

Finished looks!

Janine is up. I LOVED this look. It doesn’t read as well in this picture as it did on television because you can’t see the back–it was super full and long with tons of rainbow colored extensions. It was rad. The judges thought it was too “sprouty” on top and not mullety enough. wtf? Wasn’t it Linda Wells who said they shouldn’t get hung up on one element? Mark said the party was too much on top, rather than in back where everyone knows it should be. Oh well.

Matthew is next. The judges like it, especially how well the extensions blend in with the model’s hair. Although, Linda is not thrilled about the braid in front, saying it is a little awkward. I agree with Linda, the braid in front is a little too far down on her face, but otherwise this is pretty.

Jon kinda achieved a disc ball! The judges love it, but think the bangs are a tad too heavy. I would have liked the curls to have more definition. And I agreed with the judges, the bangs were a bit too heavy. Still, he got the overall shape he was going for.

And they saved the best for last! Brig and her on the verge of tears model. Mark makes a good point about finger waves and Paris going hand-in-hand, and that Brig’s hair doesn’t look like finger waves because she didn’t spend enough time on styling and instead spent all her time on cutting and coloring her model’s hair. Linda also calls Brig out on the hot roots. You can’t really see them in this picture, but they were clearly on the pink side. But Brig says she does not see the line of demarcation, even though it was incredibly obvious under the studio lights. I don’t understand Brig.

So, obviously Jon wins. Brig looses. Big shock. Instead of being normal about her loss, Brig says how HAPPY she is with her hair and that is model is HAPPY too. Meanwhile, her model is looking for the nearest window to jump out of. Linda says they don’t hire back stylists like that at Allure, but Brig doesn’t care as long as she’s HAPPY! This is where Janine cannot take it anymore, and starts to mutter to herself like an adorable little crazy person. I wrote down what Janine said next verbatim because it was so awesome:

“It’s frustrating because it’s a competition and then it’s like (mimics Brig’s laugh and voice) I don’t care. It cheapens it. It’s just annoying because I do care. And I’m down to business. And it’s not cute. It’s not funny. It’s like, just shut up and work.”

And then Brig tries to turn it around all passive-aggressively like Janine insulted her abilities, which ends with Janine saying: “Brian should be here and not you!” Well, that was fairly awesome.

For this week’s elimination round, the stylists have to update hairstyles from classic Hollywood movies for an editorial-style photo shoot: Gwyneth Paltrow’s long, wavy hair from Shakespeare in Love, Dolly Parton’s bouffant from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Audrey Hepburn’s updo from Charade, and Bo Derek’s braids from 10.

Jon picks Audrey Hepburn, Janine picks Gwyneth Paltrow, Brig picks Bo Derek and Matthew gets Dolly, which he isn’t happy about but seems to play to his strong suit to me. The judges will be looking at the photos, how well their styles reflected and modernized the look, and how well they work on set.

Stylists get stylin’. Orlando Pita comes around and does a really hilarious job of freaking everyone the fuck out. And I mean everyone! It’s pretty funny. I guess when there is only four stylists left, everyone is pretty rattled.

Brig’s big idea is to make her model’s braids going up instead of down and do the back of the model’s hair really big. When she gets on set, it’s a total mess though. She saves the shoot a bit by dumping a bottle of water on her models head. Fail.

Janine adds some intricate braid work at the front of her model’s hair, but it doesn’t stand up like she wants it to. When she gets on set, the photographer has her take out the braids because he thinks they look like horns. Janine twists the braids back, which he likes and the overall style looks much better. Plus, she’s super cool under pressure and leaves the set happy.

Matthew basically does a big ass roller set. I don’t know how innovative or modern this look is, but it seems to be something that Matthew is good at and the model’s hair looks good.

Throughout the whole challenge, Jon is freaking out. He is initially frustrated that he cannot cut her hair into a bob and has to put it up instead. Then he has to color her hair twice in order to get the shade of brown he wants. On set, Jon seems like he’s going to have a heart attack when the photographer asks him to fix the bangs. I get incredibly nervous watching him, as do the judges.

In the end, the judges actually seem to like all the photographs–even Brigs since she saved it with that bottle of water. The sticking points turn out to be Jon’s on-set behavior which was so anxious and, well, Brig’s terrible hair pre-water bottle. The Wonder Twins are in the top two. Matthew wins. Brig and Jon are in the bottom two but, well, NO ONE GOES HOME. So, see ya next week!

For more Shear Geniusness, check out my other posts here! Or go bravotv.com.

3 Comments

Maybe this is my own personal hyper-responsibility streak kicking in, but if a girl volunteers for a competition show, she better be ready to lose some or most of her hair to a crazy stylist playing to win. Not that I’m defending Brig in any way, because, damn, bitch is crazy! But I just can’t feel sorry for a girl who either volunteered or got paid (or both) and knew what she was getting in to. It’s TV, people. That trumps “customer satisfaction” every time.

But if I had been on that show – and God forbid living in a house with Brig – I think I would have lost my mind by now. Or five minutes after I met her.

No, Chris, I totally agree. I HATE when the models don’t want their hair cut or colored. What show did you think you were going on? And about Brig, I think she is a good reality show contestant. I give her props for that. She does seem to be creative, but she’s in over her head with the stylists that are left. And if I had to live with her, I would go crazy too. I don’t blame Janine at all for losing her mind!

Thanks SO much for your excellent run downs of the show! I watched the first one while visiting family in LA and now back home in Montreal I can’t watch it anymore Thank goodness you’re keeping me updated! Will they run it in Canada eventually?