Tag Archives: #experiences

Sorry it has been a bit of a while…..A-Levels and generally life has been in full force as of late and therefore, there has not been as much time as I would have liked to be able to blog. However, I am back in full swing, my darlings!

To many of you, you will be probably surprised by this post because you know me and yet I have never spoken about this before to anyone apart from my therapist.This post is to not only raise awareness for this disorder, but also to help people understand that this can affect anyone in all walks of life and you should not be embarrassed to speak about it and ask for support. (Before I go into detail, I just need to say that I have put links at the bottom of this post with sites to visit for support or more information about BDD, as well as Muscle Dysmorphia, which is another type of this disorder). 🙂

To those who do not know what it is is, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is a type of anxiety disorder that makes a person have a distorted view of what they look like and therefore spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance.It effects a similar amount of men and women and it is horrible, as the thoughts are very stressful and do not disappear.These thoughts can also have a significant affect on people’s lives.

Body Dysmorphia is something that has certainly reared its head in the past two years or so and in my personal experience, it came full force after my generalised anxiety and social anxiety worsened. I was diagnosed with BDD late last year. Now, I have always been a girl who has been really shy and quite insecure about her appearance and in all aspects of life to be quite honest. However, when my anxiety became worse, so did my insecurity as I spiraled into the void of perfection in my life; I found and still do find perfectionism as a coping mechanism for my anxiety disorders- I feel it allows me to take back some control.

As my perfectionism became stronger as I entered my mid teens, so did my insecurity issues about my appearance, as I was always picking out flaws and wanting to fix them. Even if I had one spot on my face, I would spend ages picking at it to try and make it go away. I would never leave the house without wearing very heavy make up because I believed I looked awful and not pretty or attractive, compared to the rest of the girls that I knew; something which I still feel, but not to such a severe extent. I also was constantly fussing about my height, as I am a tiny 5ft 1′ lass and I absolutely hated being so small because I was under the impression that I was abnormal, compared to others- Comparing yourself to others is a large symptom of this disorder if you had not already guessed….

At one point, I was constantly exercising to try and ‘fix’ several flaws that I saw on my body, which to others were extremely minor details which other people would not be bothered about. I was constantly looking for reassurance from others about my appearance and that I looked okay to go out in public. Even now, I have great difficulty in believing people if they say that I look nice or pretty etc. I am working on it slowly, but surely though!

I still have days when the thoughts are in full swing, but I now have more days where I feel quite confident in my skin and these thoughts do not bother me as much. I still have a way to go with building my confidence in myself and beating body dsymorphia once and for all, but I have come extremely far and that will continue to improve with support from other people and continuing to face my anxiety issues through therapy and bravery.

Anyway, that was a pretty difficult blog post for me to write, but I felt that it needed to be done for not only therapy for myself, but also a message to other people that you’re not alone and there is help available! I have no issue with anyone messaging me to speak about this further.

As someone who has both mental health issues and knows other people who are in the same situation, I think it is really important for there to be knowledge about how to help people who are struggling. However, I also believe it is extremely important to be kind to yourself during difficult times like this. Adulthood can be tough and undeniably difficult to know what to do, without causing harm to yourself.

In many circumstances, professionals are needed:

Sometimes, people need more support than just their friends and family; more professional help has to become involved. This does not mean you have failed as a loved one to the person, you just want them to be safe and to help them. The harsh reality is that mental illness cannot be cured completely and can be absolutely terrifying. The majority of you lovely lot that are reading this post are not health professionals and that is completely okay. If you feel that immediate help or a GP needs to be contacted because you think the person is at risk, you have every right to do so. It is better to contact someone than to risk the situation becoming uncontrollable. At the end of this post, I have linked useful links that you can contact if you are worried!

Try not to blame yourself:

When you are connected with someone who is mentally unwell, it can feel like you are responsible for that person and any relapse that occurs. Many of us can forget that mental illness is vicious and can make anyone feel like they are isolated and drowning at any time; sometimes there are no warning signs. As a loved one; you are doing the best you can and I am sure that the person you are looking out for really appreciates that. It is important to realise that things can happen and if they do, please do not blame yourself because you cannot solve everything!

On that note, there is nothing wrong with taking a step back:

As I mentioned briefly at the start of the post, I have been on both side of the coin regarding mental health. Through my personal experience, I have learnt it is important to take a step back sometimes and look after yourself. Of course you want to be there for the person because you care and do not want them to suffer, but how can you do that fully if you do not look after your own mental health? Taking a step back from the situation allows you to give yourself self-care and love; it also gives you time to think about if you can go back in that situation and/or if you need to get a professional/someone else involved. There is nothing wrong in doing so. Allow yourself to have your own space.

I found this quite a complicated post to write because I personally find it really difficult to take myself away from situations and people, when I know it is having a negative effect on me. But hey, maybe this will be a learning curb for both me and everyone reading this!

If you are concerned about someone or yourself, here is some important information to be aware of:

Call 999 if you are in need of immediate help.

Call 111 for non-emergency help.

Mind and Samaritans both have helplines which can be contacted if you need help for either yourself or someone else.

Like this:

We all have those days when getting out of bed and getting through the day appears to be more difficult than climbing a mountain. Regardless of if you suffer from a mental health issue or not, some days seem near enough impossible. So, here is a little love letter to you all, reminding you that you’re a strong and that you can make today and every day after a success.

Sometimes we have to have difficult experiences, in order to have amazing memories.

I am a believer in the term ‘Silver lining’. The term which is a metaphor for optimism. None of us are perfect and we all have a complicated pasts. All of us will have had difficult experiences and that can make us feel worthless or undeserving of love and respect. I can honestly saying that these thoughts and feelings are not the truth and as much as life may seem to be punishing you, that is not the case. How you do you think we grow? Yes, we need to be allowed water and food like all other living creatures, but we also grow and develop from our own experiences. All those moments of negative situations allow you to learn and to become a better person. Work hard and continue to strive for happiness; you will get their. I promise.

2. Kindness does exist.

In a world where we can be bombarded with violence and hate, imagining people being kind to others seems nothing more than a dream. Just because the media and some people do not believe in kindness, it does not mean that the rest of society doesn’t either. Even the smallest bit of kindness to others can make their day and can also make your day brighter. I always try to go out of my way to make others smile and to be kind because we are not robots; we have feelings and emotions, all of which should be respected. I do not believe that anyone is born evil. Maybe by just spreading kindness, we are allowing the world to become a happier, less hate riddles place. On an another note, it can be such a nice feeling for our mental health to be surrounded by kindness and to feel a little bit less isolated in a far too chaotic place. KINDNESS IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT CONCEPT.

3. Your mental health will never define you.

You will have days when you will just want to shut yourself out from the world and that you will never truly be happy. I would have had this exact mindset a few months ago when my mental health was at its latest- Forward on to today, even though I have to struggle with my mental health disorders every day, I am currently preparing to go to University in September to study English Literature and to become a teacher. You can be happy and achieve your dreams, regardless of your health or any barriers that will make an appearance throughout your life. Please keep believing in yourself!

4. Even the smallest of tasks are great achievements.

We all have a tendency to beat ourselves up if we do not succeed in all the tasks we had set ourselves for the day. As a society/ community, we should be celebrating even the smallest of tasks that we achieve, because it enables us to become more motivated to embark on the bigger tasks that we may face. You and all those around you should be proud of all your achievements, big or small. You all have so much ability and intelligence to achieve and no-one has the right to judge you for what you decide to do in life. BE YOU. X

5. As difficult it may be to believe sometimes, you are so bloody loved by others.

Especially if you suffer from a mental health disorder, it can sometimes appear that others do not love/ care for you or that you are not worthy of love. I know it is so difficult to refrain from being sucked into that mindset, but if you only take one little bit of this post, remember that you are wonderful and that to others, you are their world and life would be a darker place if you were not in it.

6. Embrace your talents.

It can take a long time to realise that we should embrace our talents and show them to others. I love the thought of people being proud of themselves and the talents that they have worked hard towards. Supporting the talents of people around you, as well as yourself can create so much beauty and love throughout the community and the talents that people have. Embrace everything about yourself.

I really hope that this post makes your day and that you remember that you are truly delightful and deserve greatness in life.

Like this:

I thought I would have a conversation with you all about my experience with contraceptive implants- Birth control, as well as sex, are topics which I believe are very important to speak about!!

Now, where to begin? When I was 16 years old, I decided to go on birth control. My decision in doing this was not only for the common reason that many girls have which is wanting to have protection which does not necessarily have to be just condoms, but also because of issues with my menstrual cycle. Since having periods from the age of 12, I had been one of those very unlucky ones who suffered really badly every month. Man, there were even times when I had to go home from school or social events because I was so ill and was also in a lot of pain. Basically, it really was not fun for me!

There are many types of birth control options which you can consider, whether that is for protection, period pains or both:

There is also the “Pull out method (Withdrawal)”, but I personally do not believe that it is a good method to use.

So, originally I wanted to go on the pill. I am pretty good at taking medication and remembering it, so this seemed like a pretty good path. I had heard that it was a help for those who suffer from their periods, as well as being a good protection. I went to my GP and had a conversation about it, in which by the end of the appointment, she subscribed me a type of pill (My apologies that I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the type of pill I was put on!) There are so many different birth control pill brands out there! For those of you who have not been on the pill, you take it every day for 21 days, then stop for seven days, and during this week you have a period-type bleed (Also known as spotting). 7 days after, you start taking the pill once more.

This is when things start getting stressful….Right, the first few days of me taking the pill, I felt fine and as healthy as ever, but there was a catch. Some people’s bodies are unable to cope with the pill being in their system and therefore become pretty sick. By sick, I mean actually throwing up and having digestive system issues, if you get what I mean, and it was actually a rather terrifying experience. PLEASE KNOW THAT THIS IS A PRETTY RARE OCCURRENCE AND MOST PEOPLE DO NOT HAVE THIS ISSUE!!! Anyway, after going through this ordeal, I obviously did not want to carry on taking this type of pill and did not want to try other types, in case I was ill once again.

At this point, I became interested in the possibility of having the contraceptive implant as an alternative. I was extremely apprehensive of this possibility as I am unquestionably dreadful with needles or anything similar. However, I had a lot of confidence from my GP that it would not take long to do and I would not need to have it replaced for 3 years.

Two days after this discussion, I had my implant surgery. I was absolutely bloody terrified beforehand. I had never had this done before, so had no idea what to expect and if it would be a painful experience for me as I am hypersensitive to needles, which means that my pain tolerance to them is not good in the slightest. My GP and the nurse was absolutely delightful throughout the whole experience. I had to be administrated local anaesthetic in my left arm to numb it, which is where I was having the implant. Most people find the procedure perfectly fine and not painful in the slightest. However, because of how high my hypersensitivity to needles are, I certainly did not find it a fun experience. Having the actual implant did not hurt at all because my arm was numb from the anaesthetic, it was actually having my arm numbed that caused me a large amount of discomfort.(Once again, this is not the case for many people!!)

The whole experience only took 5 minutes and I was so grateful to have such lovely staff with me. I did end up having a fainting episode straight after because I was very silly and got up too quickly and I have a tendency to faint after being probed with needles, oops! I am glad I have an implant because it is much easier than having the pill and it has stopped my periods until I decide to have it removed or whatever. Many girls who have the implant either barely have periods or just do not have them at all, which has made life so much easier for me!

I am not sure if I am just going to have the implant renewed after the 3 years are up (I have had it for nearly a year a half now) or if I am going to have it removed and try using a different pill to see if my body just generally does not like any of them or if it was just that specific type. I also need to take into account my anxiety disorder because I cannot tell if the implant is making it worse or if it is having no effect on it. I have decisions to make about this, but it is something I do not need to think about until nearer the time.

I hope this has been interesting to read- Like I said at the beginning of this post, it is so important to talk about birth control and not to treat it as a taboo subject. I was never taught in detail about all the different birth control options, I learnt through social media and my own research instead. I feel the same about other topics which relate to sex, but I am sure I shall make posts about that in the near future! 🙂