Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Next Hitler: Everyone, Apparently

Few can deny that Adolf Hitler was one of the most insidious, ruthless rulers the world has ever known. His plights against humanity still leave a scar on the earth, and the Second World War is referenced commonly to compare battles and motives of current events. Few can match the level of complete evil and power that the man had used against humankind. Needless to say, Hitler was shit (lol, Shitler).

Here's why I've posted the world's smallest biography about Hitler: these days, his name means nothing. Don't get me wrong, he remains one of history's greatest nemeses, but his name and his political stance in Germany is being dealt out in debate like a breadline during the Great Depression. I call it "Hitler's Hump:" If you can't find a reasonable explanation for why you dislike a politician, a popular figure in media, or your run-of-the-mill citizen of your country, you compare them unjustly to Hitler. That's like playing the race card, only instead of winning arguments with guilt, it's making the user of Hitler's Hump look like a complete shit-for-fuck.

Recently, during Michael Ian Black's stand-up performance in Ohio, a member of the audience randomly blurted out a Hitler's Hump about Obama, comparing America's president with Germany's dictator. Black was enraged, and being the brilliant mind he is, tore that audience member a new one using logic. I imagine that guy didn't learn anything of course, because who goes to stand-up shows to learn? If people went to performances to learn, we'd have a lot less hecklers. Personally, this is the first time I've heard of Michael Ian Black doing something serious, and I was pleased.

When people want to try to win an argument about politicians, they like to draw Hitler's trademark "Dirty Sanchez" mustache on a picture of the opponent. How does this add to a debate? What are they trying to prove, other than that they have absolutely no prior knowledge to WWII? It's inconceivable that people go so low just to try and get a pat on the back for "being creative." Whenever I hear someone using Hitler's Hump, I want to unleash my inner-chimpanzee and throw lumps of butt waste at them, screeching loudly and swinging back and forth on a tire swing. Hell, that's about the same level of advocacy in the argument. The way Nazism has been defined these days has completely changed the aspect of their beliefs. Now people question whether the person's "really a Nazi, or are they just sayin' that 'cause he's a jerk?"

So the next time you decide to compare someone to Hitler, take this into consideration: How many people has this person killed, and if so, how many were Jewish? Did they develop a new order for their country, forcing its people to bow down and submit to his/her dictatorship? Were several secret attempts made on his/her life from superior officers because they feared the decline of the nation due to their sinister motives? No? No? Not entirely so? Then kindly sit down and read a book, and don't add anything to the conversation ever again.