The 10 Most Popular Heterosexual Foods

It's a ranking of the top 10 foods enjoyed by straight people all over our fine country. Hold onto your Chinese takeout and get ready for the illustrious array of winning foodstuffs for the missionary position crowd:

First of all, their mom's recipe for spaghetti sauce. (Wait, I must be heterosexual. Should we stop right here? No, let's keep going and try to learn.)

Secondly, soul food, which Self says heteros like to seek out and devour in a rather patronizing way. Again, I'm obviously straight!

Also, potatoes. Non-homosexuals just love them in any shape or form. These starchy items are even more integral to the breeder crowd than babies and divorces. And once more, I'm the straightest thing walking! I adore potatoes! Get me a woman!