Tuesday, March 06, 2007

The Inevitable

All throughout the whole moving process I've been quite purposeful and organized, also resolved and at peace with my decision. This has been good -- I had a couple of moments -- one in which I called my friend Susan and just sort of sobbed on the phone in a hysterical, stressed out way and then immediately felt better (while she, I suspect, felt worse. Sorry, friend)-- but mostly kept my cool. Surprisingly.

There has also been the need to put on the good face -- for all the people in my life who are not super happy with this decision. I mean, they'd all say (sincerely, might I add), they're happy for ME, but in a purely selfish way, yeah, it sucks. A friend is leaving. It sucks for me, too, but if I admit that, then I get sad, and if I do that for one person, I'm doing it for all you suckers, and suddenly I'm all morose and moping around and then everyone's like, "aren't you leaving already?? Jeeze! Get a grip!"

ANYHOW, so, the last couple of days, my first days at work, I've been struck with a melancholy of missing people.

Which co-exists with the peace about a good decision thing, but still kind of sucks, because -- d'uh -- I miss my friends.

I also have these moments of missing my comfort zone, even though I am happy to be out of it, it's a good thing, but the neurotic perfectionist in me seriously hates starting a new job. I have this irrational idea that I should know EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY. And I stress when I don't.

Which, I know, is stupid.

I guess all this is to say -- huh. I kind of have no pithy recap. Just, I suppose, feeling human today.

But still super happy to be here -- it's effing beautiful and my job is cool and the people there are great.