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Sunday, 24 February 2013

The Lost Sheep

Friday morning was a Hasty
morning… Many things to do, very little
time... Since few days Heart was extremely troubled, with so many pressures at
the same time… And just as I was about
to leave home, My Grandfather’s best friend arrived at my place to meet us.HE opened is bible and was
reading some verses to me,“Do not
let your hearts be troubled.You believein God;believe also in me.”- John 14.Then he read to me“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep,
and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the
mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it,
truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that
never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one
of these little ones should perish.” –Mathew: 18

This verse just touched my heart.
All over his Creations he is simply spreading the messages Calling us back
home. It reminded me of the message I read in Madhurya kadambini.. that Krsna
is giving us.

"You left me long long ago, you forgot me, but I
never forgot you. Lifetime after Lifetime after Lifetime you
tried to enjoy material world;
but I was always in your heart. Waiting for you to turn to me. You suffered storms, you suffered diseases, you suffered broken hearts and sometimes you enjoyed-
Wealth, prosperity, high education. But eventually it was all taken away.

Didn’t you feel separation
for me as I felt separation for you at every minute??

And then finally
you turned to me and you gave your life to me and I saw how difficult it was in this
material world for you to turn
to me and to be faithful.. You were ridiculed, you were persecuted, you were criticized and sometimes
you had to beg. But I was
always with you. I was there to protect you. And now finally, you have returned home. I welcome you."

Remembering all this, A feeling of repentance began
to grip me… we left him and came to enjoy, what is the need for him to bring
each one of his children back? He is so mercifully trying all the ways possible
to take us back. Each one, not a single soul he wants to be left out. He is so
merciful and we are so selfish. He is coming again and again and again… He is
constantly trying to contact us, keeps calling keeps messaging but we are too
busy to reply to him. We are so ruthlessly ignoring him and he is so patiently
calling us. Only because he knows we cannot be happy without him… He feels so
sad to see us suffering, and he keeps reminding us of the way out of this
vicious cycle but we don’t want to get out of it. We are still hopeful about
this hopeless place which is called “dukhalaya”.

Thinking on all these lines a sudden thought came to
my mind. All of us at sometimes have faced betrayal, our friends ignoring us, not
replying our mails or messages or not receiving our calls, not listening to us.
How do we react? Do we still patiently wait? Or do we just fight with them? Then
I thought what if these people blame us for all the mishaps that happened to
them just because they did not listen to us. Isn’t the feeling devastating?

That’s exactly what we do with god, He keeps us
reminding don’t do adharma, do not be attached, come back to me... But we never
listen to him, and when we face some trouble we blame him, “Why did God do this
to me?” Doesn’t it sound unfair to that Kind loving Lord? Don’t you think he
deserves all our love? Can we ever repay our debts to him? Let’s Try to go back…
Let’s make our attempt to not hurt him more. When he will see us returning to
him and listening to him, he will come running to hold us and carry us back
home in his loving arms… Rejoicing and celebrating, pampering us like no one
ever did.

Closing my eyes I said a small prayer

“Krishna I am Yours, with all my qualities and all
my Faults, I lay myself at your feet. Please Accept me. Carry this lost sheep
on your shoulders, I cannot find my way back. Please Take me Home, I am tired”

Monday, 18 February 2013

My Day started with a worried
mind and an upset heart. I was trying to install a few softwares on my PC which
would not work out. So decided to go to college and get some help. It took me
longer than expected and so with Great disappointment I gave up the idea of
spending the later part of the day at the temple. Once my work was completed
around 4 pm I left from college, called up Prabhuji and inquired what his plan
was. He informed me he is going to attend the Kirtan Mela and had already left
his place. For a moment I got upset, as I would not be able to attend the most
ecstatic event-“Kirtan Mela”. Our trains
were running almost parallel, so we decided to meet up at the next station for some
time and then go our ways. Suddenly I just asked him,“can I attend the Mela too?” I
knew its next to impossible as there would not be any pass for me, and the time doesn't suits as I already informed my mother that I would be back home early
that day, All this was just disappointing me more and more.

We met, and he asked me to come
along.I felt butterflies in my stomach when he said the pass is
arranged. I was Delighted. In a moment I had a mixed emotion of gratitude, wonder,
shock. It felt like a beggar invited to dine with the king and his royal associates.
The more we were getting closer to the
auditorium the more I was getting nervous at the same time super exited. All of a sudden I thought of My Guru maharaj, I so much wanted to have his Darshan but
I realized he was already present there in the morning and so I presumed he won’t be coming
in the evening (Got disappointed). Nevertheless the excitement of being a part
of the Kirtan Mela for the first time was enough to cover all the gloominess.

Soon I was in the ocean of
Transcendental Bliss, Swimming to my complete ability, 2 hrs passed like two
seconds, and it was my time to leave, Just the thought of leaving
gripped me with great pain. As I was leaving one of my god-sisters caught
me, and insisted I must stay for the next hour. I was worried, as I had too
much of work pending to be done in so less time. I went out and spoke to
Prabhuji and some friends what should I do, One of them told me if I wait I won’t
be able to leave till it ends. I didn't quite believe him. And thought I would
leave in 15 mins… But he was so blissfully right.

As The Kirtan started, the
atmosphere changed totally… The deities of Radha and Krsna appeared so real, he
seemed to be smiling, and to add on to my ecstasy Guru maharaj entered and sat
just 2 ft ahead of me. How could I possibly think of even moving an inch out of
the sight. I sat there completely glued and lost. The battery of my cell phone
was on the verge of dieing any minute I so intensely prayed please Krsna let
this phone be alive till I record this Kirtan, at least a considerable part of
it. Miraculously the phone survived for that one hour, and died just when I
stopped recording. I felt grateful. It seemed like no time had passed when The Kirtan
ended and now finally it was time to leave as it was over 2 hr journey back
home, and the time was already past 8:30.

With a heavy yet grateful heart I
started walking back to the bus-stand. All the time I simply meditated on that
entire day. Since past few days, Life was presenting its challenges one after
the other. I felt lost, left-out and very depressed. But by arranging the Kirtan
night Krsna reassured He is there, all the time, With me, Guiding me, Leading
me, Protecting me, Listening to me, Loving me. I know I will never be lost, He
is there to help me. My Best Friend, My only Samaritan, My Blue boy.

Thursday, 7 February 2013

I dont know why, This quote or thought by HG Urmila mataji just keeps coming to mind... and it brings such solace to my heart..Most of the time we identify ourselves with so many false identities... I am singer, or I am a writer, on a humbler note, I am so Fallen, I am useless etc etc etc.... thinking over that line again n again... made me realise.. all these identifications are such a hindrance in our surrender... even when we consider ourselves fallen, the problem is, we are STILL CONSIDERING OURSELVES.. which makes us so away from the thoughts of serving krsna n gurudev and vaishnavas..

but when we simply understand, whoever I am, whatever I am... I am KRISHNA's thats all... there is nothing more to think about ourselves... Now when I am not mine why do i need to even bother about myself... I am Krishna's ... Let him deal with me in anyway he likes... Krishna is mine, so i should be thinking about him... how to please him, how to serve him... which again will take us in a deep subject... which let me just summarize by one of Guru Maharaj's Quotes.. that

"A devotee only desires to please Krsna and Krsna's only desire is to please his devotees, Knowing that Krsna's only desire is to please his devotees, the devotees only Desire to please each other." - HH Radhanath Maharaj.its alll just so amazing....Life is so very simple... We make it so complicated...our only job is to borther about what belongs to us, and we have only one thing -KRISHNA ...thats all... now it can be argued how do we have him... so he tells in Bhagwat Gita, we have him in so many ways... taste of water, our breath, our intelligence, the air, the light, etc etc.. above all his beautiful name.... his thoughts... they all belong to us... even he cant stop us from thinking about him??? Can he?? even he cant stop us from taking his name... because he knws by taking his name we are only trying to please Sri Radheeeee... so he wont stop us... he is simply helpless... shouldnt we tooo try to be helpless by simply understanding that we have nothing but him... and therefore our only business is to just borther about him... and everything that will please him....

Then there will be no question of what I am, how fallen or how great it hardly matters....

What will happen to me, thats not important..

What can i do to please him, whatever he wants me to, it can be anything just follow ur heart he will guide..

Should I be tensed or sad?- there is no reason..

Should I be happy?- yes there is all reason, coz he is always happy?

What if i am not able to please him?- to measure materially we can never reach that level of pleasing him, whatever we do.. bt he is pleased just by seeing our sincere desire to please him..

But i dont have any sincere desire to please him:- Prabhupada said: "DESIRE for that Sincere Desire"Thats ALL... life is just so simple... SO VERY SIMPLE... :-)More thoughts are just flowing in my mind, m just not able to put them in words... please forgive me any offence in my feeble attempt to express myself..

Sunday, 3 February 2013

thinking of having a particular food for dinner... and when we get back home...

we find that Maa has cooked the very same thing... and in our delight the first thing we ask her is "How did you know???"

The answer is simple coz of her genuine Love...

All of us may have sometimes heard that there is a strong telepathy between people who strongly love each other... Specially the one who loves understands every need of their beloved...

Some of my frns shared a similar experience... and i felt it myself too... that whenever there is some serious doubt in minds… any kind of confusion… any anxiety… Krishna answers it instantly… from anywhere… some lectures… some text message… even a song.. may be… it can be anything… How quickly Krishna comes to our rescue… Not once … not twice… but always… isn’t it enough for us to know… Gopu’s love for us is sooo deep… unconditional…and he is loving us since time immemorial… and will always love us till eternity…. And we are so

unfortunate… that we still haven’t realized it… we still keep seeking pleasure…

keep seeking love in some way or the other… here is the most beautiful boy… who loves us so much… he is ready to do anything for us… and we still… find reasons.. to stay away.. frm him… He has the Strongest telepathy... he can never see his devotee even in a moment of anxiety... he immediatel answers his questions.. in his own amazing ways.. isnt this enough for us to know.. hw desperately he wants us back home... back to him... he does everything to please us.. to pacify us... to make us always happy... cant we even atleast DESIRE to love him.. make a sincere effort to go back to him.. and Honestly and humbly tell him

Friday, 1 February 2013

Since past few days my mind was very disturbed.. It felt like an invisible injury hurting so bad in parts i never knew i had in me.

I spoke to some friends trying to pacify myself, but none of the words sounded healing..

Then i realised, i want to hear something that could relate to me, something that i feel happy about, but what was it, i didnt knew?

I was very disturbed to see anger, frustration, disappointments, a desire to feel wanted, a feeling of being cheated. Such horrible things never manifested themselves before.

Situtations had been even worse then, but there was something that kept me cheerful all the time, what was it? What am I "NOT" doing this time? What was missing in me?

All these questions were haunting me; freezing my ability to think.

Finally my only refuge- Prayers; came to my rescue... and i sat down chanting last night.

Miraculously i became calm and was successful in finding some sleep not just for my eyes but for my flickering mind as well.

Today Morning, when i started with my work..

Surfing through FB i came accross these beautiful lines as a Status of Nitayi Priya Prabhu.

"Don't give up loving. Don't give up your goodness even if the people around you sting you. The greatness comes not when things are always going well for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes... Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain".

This reminded me of all the Principles that i always held so close to my heart.

To Forgive, To be patient, To be Grateful every moment. To Love evrything and anything that comes my way.

Then i realised. Life is not about complaining, But Trusting that Every Moment is a beautiful Gift, Every Day is a blessing, Every situation is unlimited Mercy. and I am so much at peace.. It is indeed truly said Silence is Healing and Forgiveness Heals INSTANTLY.

My guru Maharaj says To Love is to Serve and to Serve is To Please.. Expecting Happiness or even a fair treatment is nothing but our false ego. It cannot keep us perpetually Happy.

Because as i always say, it is not possible for everyone to love us all the time, but we can definitely love everyone in all times. So happiness should be found in something constant so that our Happiness is eternal.. And True Hapiness can only be found in Loving and Humbly Serving without any Condition and with the only motivation to Give pleasure to the Lord and his devotees. There is no question of being upset. Because there is nothing wrong in whatever Happens.

How could i be so foolish in acting the way i did. but may be Kanhu wanted me to get more strong on these principles..

Amazing... this is so wonderful.. I feel really very good now..

I hope i don't disapoint Krishna, Gurudev and all wonderful Vaishnavas ever again..