Thursday, July 5, 2012

Spoiler alert. True Blood is a show about vampires. Eric is a older vampire that made Pam a vampire. That makes Pam his creation, his protege, and sort of his wife. He released her during the last episode. Which means he kind of divorced her. She is free to go about the earth all free from him now. No longer beholden to their relationship. She didn't really want this, but, it was time.

Which made me sad for her and her fictional storyline. I mean, what is she to do with the mounds and mounds of love she has for Eric? Pam and Eric have been together for a hundred years. I wonder what that does for love?

Which brings me to my dream last night.

In my dream last night, Mr. Hall and I were in a hotel room. We were spying on a man climbing into bed. We were hidden in the closet. The man . . .

TOTAL ASIDE HERE . . . the man was John Cleese of Monty Python. In drag no less.

NO idea what the heck that was about but. . . .

The man crawled into bed and the mirror above the headboard opened up to reveal another man. This man was some sort of judge who judged Mr. Cleese's marriage. Again, John was in drag so it was sort of homosexual relationship he was judging. Not judging the homosexual part, but the quality part.

Had John been loving enough to his partner? Had John been in the marriage for the betterment of that person, and not just for selfish reasons. Or, put another way, did John put his partner first and not be all selfish gimmee, gimmee about things. Things like the love between them. Had John given and not just taken? Had John respect the gift that had been given to him?

Which brings me to me.

I am currently doing a class on Beth Moore's bible study called, "Living beyond yourself". It's all about giving up the idea that I am NOT the center of the universe. Which is hard because-I was a very spoiled child raised in western society. This society assumes and trains people to be indignant at the very idea we are not the center of the universe and everybody owes us something. It's a good study, an excellent one. I highly recommend it.

Which brings me full circle to the Eric/Pam separation, the judgement dream and my marriage. Stay with me now, all two of you who are still reading!! :)

I've been married lo these last 11 years and our love has grown so much. It's so tender and sweet. Vast, wide and deep. I had no idea the gift God was giving me when he sent me Mr. Hall. NO idea that love could be like this. It has caused me to surrender my selfishness in so many ways. And with each surrender, our joy has bloosomed up exponentially. And we are only 11 years in.

Like I said, I wonder what a 100 years would do for our love? :)

However, the fact of the matter is, I still have a lot of work to do. I do hold back, I do be selfish, I do be grumpy and pull away when my hubby needs me. I recognize he has needs and sometimes I just ignore them. I'm not proud of this. So I am actively changing this, asking God to help me be a better wife. Give more back rubs, listen to his day more, smile and relax more. To return the love I've been given.

It's amazing what has happened so far when I pray for this. Our love was bananas before, I can't wait to see what happens next. :)

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Left a message at the beep:

OK, first off, let me state. This is a really good blog entry. It rambles around a bit and seems a bit incoherent in the beginning, but all ties together at the end. I love that. It is what blogging is all about. Taking the loose ends and seeing how they all lead back to a central core.

Next, we have just started watching True Blood (season 1 DVD set) and just got introduced to Eric in the last episode. Interesting to see where he goes in the next 5 seasons. Still find the show a bit hard to take in the believability realm, but it is still better than anything else on TV. It is by Albert Ball after all, the man did Six Feet Under, which is the best show on television ever!

I like your whole 'center of the universe' complex and totally agree that many in this country are raised with the expectation. It really has crippled us as a society.

Ever growing love. Yeah, I get that. I found that, it is really all that matters. But it is not an easy thing to find. Some never will, sadly. After we have sold our house and Sue and I head off in the sunset in the next few months (physically, not literally) I can't imagine doing it with anyone else but here. I can't imagine doing it all if she were not around.