Our Mission

Saturday, December 15, 2018

On Dec. 11 the Glenbard Parent Series hosted Behavioral health associate at Linden Oaks, Michael Todd Fink in a program titled “Inner Calm: The Science of Mindfulness”.

Parent Any Mulcare with
Todd Fink

Glenbard West parent Amy Mulcare shared the following takeaway.

Mindfulness is a skill that involves paying attention, living with intention, without judging, grounding-tuning in to the present moment. A few minutes each day, can rewire the brain to positivity and be effective in reducing stress. Being conscious of positive experiences and keeping a gratitude journal can lead to better health and happiness

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Parent shares takeaway from "The Self-Driven Child"

William Stixrud, Teresa Johnson
and Ned Johnson

On Nov. 14, the Glenbard Parent Series hosted two events with Ned Johnson and Dr. William Stixrud, authors of "The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Confidence, Purpose and Control." Glenbard South parent Teresa Johnson shared the following takeaway: "Children need to have a sense of autonomy/ control over their lives. Help your child with informed decision making in the teen years - become a consultant. Ask, "Could I offer up some advice?" Don't work harder than your student; have them own their problems or it may weaken them. Tell them, "I love you too much to bug you about your homework". Do not do for your child what they can do for themselves. Kids need sleep, down time and consider mindfulness as a way to deal with stress. Let children experiment with failure in your safe space at home to handle future situations. Try to create a low stress home and model media management."

Self-Driven: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Confidence, Purpose and Control

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The secret to student success, intrinsic motivation and well-being will be presented by teen motivational coach and test-prep expert Ned Johnson and his co -author clinical neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud. In this groundbreaking presentation, parents will learn compassionate, concrete solutions to deal with competitive academics, extracurriculars, and feelings of hopelessness. Educators will learn how to best instill joy in their students and the skills of self- direction. We will discuss social media, review today's common stressors, and learn simple strategies that move children of all ages from powerlessness to purpose so they can be ready to take on new challenges on the real road to success.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Epidemic of anxiety and depression in young people; motivational disorders; some are obsessively driven, also (not a healthy motivation); while other students think, “what’s the point of trying?”.

Young people in the early 2000’s were five times more likely to report symptoms of anxiety and depression than those during the Great Depression. 30% of girls diagnosed with anxiety disorder; 20% of boys.

2012-2017 dramatic spike in anxiety and unhappiness. Connected electronically ALL of the time, but have never felt MORE alone and separated than they do now.

If you have a SENSE of control over your life, you are LESS likely to be stressed. This is the key to resilience. In order to be self-driven, you have to have ownership that this is MY LIFE. Promoting autonomy helps with being less stressed.

If you are anxious or depressed, you feel like you have no control = stress. Stress takes over the prefrontal cortex of your brain and because of this, you are operating on basic instincts of survival instead.

Self-Determination Theory: it is a model of intrinsic motivation. Some students think that four years of high school is an audition for college … when it is more healthy to think of it as a period of self-development and learning which LEADS into college.

According to Self-Determination Theory, In order to have intrinsic motivation, students need three things:

Sense of Competency - Can they do it?
Relatedness - e.g. liking the teacher may help with students liking the subject
Autonomy - the idea that kids have a sense of control and they can direct their lives. Most important piece! This is what you want to support THE MOST.

When people are highly engaged in something, it’s high challenge but low threat. It’s called a Flow State. “I’m doing this because it’s really cool, not because it’s for a grade.” It’s high energy, high focus, high engagement, high determination … and LOW STRESS.

Kids NEED to have an accurate model of WHO is responsible for WHAT. Who is most upset that you missed an assignment (to the student): 1) Mom, 2) Dad, 3) Teacher, 4) Therapist/Tutor? … the student doesn’t even put themselves on this list.

“I love you too much to fight with you about your homework” - idea that you can be the HW consultant, but that you are not going to force a kid to do it (because you cannot force a student to do his/her homework). You will WEAKEN a child/student if you take this job away from him/her. It is the student’s JOB to do the work.

Don’t work harder to help your students more than they work to solve their problems. Offer help or advice, but don’t force them. Look for buy in, such as: “Is that something you’d like advice on?” or “Is that something I can help you with?” or “May I offer you some advice?” If they say no, just say, “Oh, okay. Let me know when you do.” This gives them some sense of control which is necessary to be less stressed and more receptive.

Brains develop in the way that they’re used. If a teacher/parent always does things for a child/student, the child/student never will be comfortable navigating these things on his/her own. It is a COLOSSAL mistake to do things for a child that the child can do for themselves.

What makes someone resilient in a stressful situation is when the person is able to deal with the stressful situation on his/her own. This also develops confidence and self-competency.

Say: “I have confidence in your ability to make decisions about your own life and make your own mistakes.”

Things work better when the people in charge are not stressed, anxious, or reacting emotionally. There must be a non-anxious presence. If a parent is stressed = the child is more likely to run away from the parent than seek comfort/nurturing which will result in better performance.

Really anxious parents have a hard time letting their kids be autonomous.
Students do not have any down-time considering they are surrounded by social media and the buzz of the internet/Instagram/SnapChat, etc. They need radical down-time: when it looks like you’re doing nothing, but you’re actually doing something, such as daydreaming, meditation, and sleep. Kids need more down-time and boredom. This helps students be LESS STRESSED, believe it or not.

Students (and adults) need MORE SLEEP. Sleep deprivation weakens the connection between your prefrontal cortex and your amygdala (your stress response) … you feel more people are “out to get you” if you are not regulated by your brain correctly. Rest is the basis for all activity. The world is less scary if you are well-rested. Performance is always higher with rest. Hand cell phone/smartphone to parent by 8-9pm every night … cell phones should not SLEEP in the room with children (or even as an adult). Buy kids an alarm clock instead!

Cell phone interruptions DOUBLE errors in tests/assignments.

Kids need to run their own lives in every way possible as long as they are safe.

CHORES: Parents should say- “What are some things that mom and I should pay for, and what are some things that you should earn?” Discuss that kids are part of the house, too, and need to do their part. “What things do you think you should be responsible for?” Have Senior students take over the last 6 months of high school and operate on their own (do their own laundry, make their own appointments, maybe cook a few meals by themselves, wake up and go to sleep on their own … kind of like a dry-run of what college will be like).

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

The advantages of athletics are immeasurable, and the parent role is key. Here is an interesting article for The Family Institute of Northwestern University that reminds us to really tune in and listen to our student athletes. Learn more at 'When Sports Aren't Fun".

Also, do not miss a GPS special event on Nov 14 led by a successful Washington DC teen motivational coach and his clinical neuropsychologist co-author (Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson), "SELF-DIRECTED CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR CHILD MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES". Details on this event at GlenbardGPS.org

Need insight need and advice about how to develop intrinsic motivation in your children-and the secret to their success? Join us and bring your student too.

https://www.family-institute.org/

November 2018

When Sports Aren't Fun

Whether it's soccer, baseball, gymnastics or any of the sports our children participate in, we want them to enjoy athletics. We want them to have a good time pursuing the activity they love. But the joy of competitive sports — whether during elementary, high school or college years — easily dissipates when youth find themselves unduly stressed by their own perfectionism, a burdensome sense of obligation to fulfill the expectations of parents or coaches, or a loss of balance between sports and other parts of their lives. For those whose core sense of self-worth is tied to athletic success, the stakes can feel particularly high when the joy slips away.

For so many reasons, youth often hide the stress and discouragement they're feeling, but here are some telltale signs to look for:

infrequent expression of pleasure or satisfaction following practice or a game

It's not unusual for well-intentioned parents (and coaches) to push kids so hard that our formerly sports-loving sons and daughters have lost their athletic spirit. Many don't know how to tell us when they've reached their limit, especially when they sense it's less their wish than our wish propelling them forward. Sometimes we're blinded by a belief in their "potential" and fail to hear and see their own experience of the sport, especially when their talent is undeniable.

What can be gained from competitive sports is in many ways immeasurable and fuels so many parents' desire to encourage and support the pursuit:

appreciating the role of practice as a precursor to mastery

learning to cope with disappointment and failure

learning how to accept constructive criticism

setting realistic short- and long-term goals

caring for both body and mind

One need not be a champion to derive from athletics so many valuable life lessons.

But when the telltale signs point to something awry, our devotion to athletics shouldn't blind us to what's wrong. That's when family counseling with a professional who understands the challenges of an athlete's life can make a difference. Sometimes a simple course correction will preserve a youngster's relationship with the sport they love.2

Saturday, October 27, 2018

What helps and what hurts when parents aim to solve their teenager's problems. Here former GPS speaker Christine Carter highlights the work of another favorite GPS keynote Dr. Mike Riera as well as our Nov 14 GPS presenters (Self-Directed Child/The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Confidence, Purpose and Control) Ned Johnson and Dr. William Stixrud. Don't miss this special program at noon and repeated at 7pm. Details on this upcoming event at GlenbardGPS.org

Years ago, an educator I respect a lot warned me that my teens would fire me as their "manager" if I didn't stop being so bossy.

I couldn’t imagine it. I thought that I’d always get to manage my children’s lives, at least while they were living under my roof. I should be promoted when my kids get older, I used to think, not fired.

But parents who are too controlling—those who don’t step down from their manager roles—breed rebellion. Many kids with micromanaging parents will politely agree to the limits their parents set with a “yes, sir” or “yes, ma’am” attitude, but then will break those rules the first chance they get. They do this not because they are bad kids, but because they need to regain a sense of control over their own lives.

Monday, October 22, 2018

On October 17th, the Glenbard Parent Series hosted a health expo and program with John Medina, based on his books "Attack of the Teenage Brain" and "Brain Rules: Principles for Thriving."

John Medina and Melissa Calfo

Glenbard South parent Melissa Calfo shared this takeaway:
"It's important for parents to understand the teen brain and understand executive function (impulse/self-control). Teens stomping to their rooms and slamming the door is normal adolescent behavior. What works to improve thinking skills and mood is aerobic exercise, sleep and getting your stress under control. Emotional stability in the home is also key. Dr. Medina shared the science behind these facts, facts that apply to us all."

You will always learn at a GPS event. Please check out Dr. John Medina's web site and many books for more information as well as parent summary notes, below.

Parent Notes on Dr. John Medina's presentation to GPS on Oct. 17

Jay Giedd - main researcher on Teen Brain Behavior
Michael Posner - main lead on Executive Function
- average age the brain finally matures - 24 years
- mental time travel - ability to evaluate levels of risk of a potential scenario and make action decisions accordingly
Average initial onset of mental health disorders - 14.1 years of age

Sleep:
It takes 96 hours (4 days) for the body to fully recover from an all nighter.
Average adult needs at least 8 hours of sleep
Average teen needs at least 9.5 hours of sleep

executive function lowers when in need of sleep, as does mood (crankiness)
Blue effect - the glow of devices tricks the brain into thinking it is daylight.
Need to disconnect from screen time at least 2 hours prior to bed.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

The Glenbard Parent Series hosted several events on October 1. If you couldn’t make to this GPS free FAFSA completion event, don’t worry. You can attend the October 13 free event at Glenbard East, details at GlenbardGPS.org

Patrick Donohue and Jamila Clark

Glenbard South parent Jamila Clark shared the following takeaway from Patrick Donohue's presentation Five Things Successful Students Do: "The path to success is a series of ups and downs, and the parents' role is to remind kids that failings are just stops along the way. Expect three crises per school year. When things do go wrong ask, what happened? What can we learn from it? And what is the way forward? Focus on the things we can control - attitude and effort. Students should complete 25 minutes of school work followed by 5 minutes of downtime, and encourage kids to read at least 20 minutes a day on non-school homework. Praise effort not ability."

Lilia Medina (left) & Sara Espinosa

Glenbard East parent Lilia Medina attended the Bilingual Parent Advisory Committee (B-PAC) and GPS-Spanish program on financial aid with Sara Espinosa of the Illinois Student Assistance Committee and shared this takeaway: "College is expensive and we need to understand the financial aid package offered by each college to determine the best fit for the family."

Carol Hart

Glenbard West parent Carol Hart shared the following takeaway from the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) Completion Assistance Workshop: "Having the ability to get one-on-one help filling for Federal Student Aid - something every senior needs to complete -- was extremely useful, as it is the form that the federal government, states, colleges and other organization use to award financial aid.

More on Pat DonohueParents can help their children on the path to success by helping them realize that, rather than being linear, the path forward is a series of ups and downs. At the down points, parents’ key role is to remind kids that failings are just stops along the way on a growth trajectory, rather than the endpoint. Parents are here to buffer kids’ tendency to feel things are worse than they actually are—failing is an event while being a failure is an identity to avoid. So, when things do go wrong, 3 questions need to be asked: What happened? What can we learn from it? And What is the way forward? Parents and kids should expect about three crises per school year and take them in stride when they happen. Let’s all focus on the things we CAN control—attitude and effort. In terms of school work, employ the Pomodoro technique that encourages 25 minutes of work followed by 5 minutes of downtime, and let’s encourage our kids to read at least 20 minutes a day on non-school work. The difference it makes in a lifetime cannot be underestimated!!

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Family Institute at Northwestern University shares tips here for raising empathetic children and sites former GPS speaker Dr Alfie Kohl. Learn more on this topic when we hear from Dr. Tina Payne Bryson on Sept 25 and 26.

September/October 2018

Pro-social Children

It ought to be easier to raise pro-social children — kids who are helpful and kind and empathic — since the impulse toward pro-social behavior is something we’re born with. Yet so many youngsters seem to miss the mark. Two aspects of how we raise our children may be getting in the way.

First, competition permeates our society and our children's lives — not only on the athletic field, but in the classroom, in after-school activities and at home among siblings. We ask, "How was the test?" and they sense we’re wondering how they compare to their classmates. We shout from the sidelines at their soccer games, urging them to play hard, to win. "If children have been trained to see other people as potential rivals, obstacles to their own success," according to well-known educator Alfie Kohn, "they're less disposed to care about anyone's well-being other than their own."1 Too much emphasis on competition teaches youth to envy winners and dismiss losers as somehow unworthy — undeserving of empathy or caring.

Second, we live in a culture of dangling carrots tempting us to reach for the bigger home, the fancier vacation, the newer car. Similarly, we dangle carrots in front of our children, incentivizing them on the front end to engage in pro-social behavior — "If I see you sharing your toys, I'll give you an extra treat this afternoon" — or offering rewards or praise on the back end. But research has shown that reinforcing pro-social behavior leads children to think of acts of kindness not as something intrinsically worth doing but as a way of gaining our approval and achieving a reward. Studies have shown how children of parents who dangle carrots — who routinely use material incentives — tend to lose interest in the behavior and focus instead on the prize.2 This seems particularly true when a child is naturally inclined toward the desired behavior in the first place.

Are children by nature inclined toward helpfulness and caring? Infant and toddler studies answer that question with a resounding yes. Babies cry empathically at the sound of other babies in distress; at 16 months they're drawn to animated characters who help rather than characters who obstruct. Both the emphasis on competition and the dangling of rewards seem to dampen the pro-social impulse that naturally seeks expression from the earliest years of life.

Monday, September 17, 2018

On Sept. 15, the Glenbard Parent Series: (GPS) Navigating Healthy Families hosted a financial aid seminar with Frank Palmasani, author of "Right College: Right Price" leading a discussion in a program titled the Challenge of College Costs.

Glenbard West parent Jeff Kernagis shared the following takeaway: "Frank Palmasani suggested parents stay in close contact with college representatives to build credibility and a resume - it may make a difference in the financial package the school will offer. Don't be alarmed by the sticker price of the university; costs are often flexible.

Are you failing with screen rules? You are not alone. As parents, we are up against a technology revolution that is so strong that it can genuinely overpower all aspects of our lives, including our parenting lives.

I often talk with and receive emails from parents who are incredibly frustrated by their inability to set limits for their teens that actually get followed. When kids are younger than around 11—and this varies of course—we have a lot more facility and success at setting limits. The parents from whom I hear the loudest cries of desperation are those with teens. I can relate because I have two and I still have my share of struggles. Here is an example of an email that I received from a father last week:

“I'm trying to limit my son's video game time to 6 hours a day ... Since it's the summer and we're not home, he's probably online for 10 hours a day, yes, 10 hours ... It seems too hard to deal with so we just leave things as they are, yet it eats at me every day.” —Steve W.

If you feel beyond frustrated at trying to set rules, I have some suggestions that I hope will help you or someone you know that you can pass this along to:

First, these 3 things are helpful to keep in mind:

1. We all have 3 very essential needs as humans—a sense of autonomy, connection to others, and competency. Screen time can undoubtedly scratch all three of these itches for teens— think raising one’s game (competency) and socializing online (connection). Meanwhile, when we want to set limits on their screen time, they feel like their autonomy is being threatened and thus it is not surprising limits can elicit such strong reactions.

2. Repeat to yourself the words “not yet.” When your teen is not interested in getting exercise, exploring the outdoors, reading books, volunteering … all the things we want our teens to do, say to yourself “they’re not interested YET.” Remember they will become interested in many things that they are currently dismissing right now.

3. It is so important that our teens know that we love them unconditionally. We don’t always love their behaviors, but we do love them unconditionally.

Now, for some suggestions:

Read this book—One of my favorite adolescent specialist and author, Laura Kastner, Ph.D., who is in Screenagers, just updated her fantastic book, Getting To Calm, to include advice on screen time. Read this book, and you will thank me many times over.

Baby steps—Maybe the goal with your teen for this last month of summer is to step back from trying to make certain limits happen and to focus instead on a baby step goal. For example, asking your teen, “Hey, what if we focus on arguing less and just work together to find one small time we are without screens--maybe 10 minutes in the car or…..? ”

Excessive but accountable—You might ask them to pick a number of hours they would like to be on screens per day just for these last weeks of summer. Then, whatever number they choose, it is on the condition that they are accountable to that number. They will need to agree to do check-ins with you every few days or to tell you the time they have spent each day. Consider asking them to use an app like Moment to keep track of the time spent on their phone and video games. This approach often shows teens how much harder it is to limit their time than they had expected even when they are picking the number of hours.

Work on you—It feels cliché, but the only real control we have is working on ourselves, but this is how we get better at recognizing what our teens do to trigger us and learning ways to handle it skillfully. For example, you might really want to talk to your teen at the very moment they are disrespectful or inappropriate, but you know that conversation doesn’t generally go well in the heat of the moment. So, instead go outside and mark down the date and the time, write something in a journal, take a breath, and then plan to bring up the situation later. When you do bring it up later, try to use “I” statements such as “I feel XYZ when you do XYZ.” This is a much more effective way of getting your teen to talk with you rather than if you said something like ”When you do XYZ, it really is disrespectful.”

Join them—If the screen time issue has become too toxic, you might just want to abandon talking about it for a while. Instead, dive into in-depth empathy exploration by asking to let you do something fun on screens with them like playing a video game. After a few times, maybe you will have cleared out some of your anger, and you’ll have more capacity to say something like “Wow, I can really see why you love these games so much” and then see where this take things.

Reverse it—When you find yourself in a good moment with your teen, see if you can engage him or her in a short role reversing exercise. Ask something like this “Can you humor me for a moment—I am going to play you, and can you play me?” (Let’s assume for a minute they say yes). Then, you start playing as if you are them, “Look dad (or mom) I love my phone/computer time, and I want to be on it at least X numbers of hours a day.” Then hopefully they will engage back as if they were you. Try to keep it lighthearted.

Back Peddle—(A technique from Dr. Kastner) Consider starting a conversation like this: “Hey, I want to talk with you about screen time, and given our past conversations, I realize that no matter what I do it’s really tricky. If I don’t try to talk about screen time I feel pretty crappy as a dad because I really think my job as a dad is to make sure you have lots of different experiences and opportunities, and if I do bring up anything you might feel judged or angry. Is there a way that we can discuss this that might make it go better?”

Get involved—I know how much this has helped me. When I feel stuck in my own personal and family life, I have redoubled my advocacy efforts. When I take my foot off the gas pedal at home and apply it to a related but outside cause (such as mental health advocacy), I start to feel so much better. Here is something you could consider, checking out our initiative to address cell phones in school at AwayForTheDay.org.

Outside Help—Set up a visit with a person who can mediate a talk with you and your teen, or maybe even the whole family using some of the techniques in this blog. Consider a grandparent, a counselor, a college advisor, a person the family admires that has grown kids and is a skillful mediator, or a leader from a religious center. The ideal situation is with a trained counselor, but they can be expensive and hard to find (particularly if school is out and you can’t see a school counselor).

If you find TTTs helpful, please help us to spread the word by sharing it with others. Tens of thousands of people get our TTT, but for this revolution, we hope that we can reach thousands, even millions more.

We encourage you to go to our website and read through some of the hundreds of past Tech Talk Tuesdays blog posts covering dozens of topics full information and tips. Feel free to share this newsletter with your community and encourage them to sign up for our Tech Talk Tuesday.

If you are interested in seeing Screenagers, you can find event listings on our site. Or, join the thousands of people have hosted a screening in their community to help spark change.

Stay in touch with the Screenagers community on Facebook, Twitter and at www.screenagersmovie.com.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Chicago Parent Magazine just posted its suggested summer reading list of eight "great non-fiction books about parenting". Take a closer look and you will see that four of those authors are scheduled to be a part of the Glenbard Parent Series for the 2018-19 school year.

For details on these events visit glenbardgps.org or click on the brochure icon at the right.

Explore the entire GPS summer reading listand check one book or more out at your local library. Then circle your calendar and join us for these important author events.

8 new parenting books to add to your summer reading list

Summer reading lists are pretty common for high school and even middle school students. But what about parents? There are some great non-fiction books about parenting that have been published recently. Pick one of these books up the next time you head to the library with your little ones and know that you’ll be getting useful information and be setting a good example of reading in front of your kids.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Everyday our knowledge of the teen brain expands. Recent studies show "Risky behavior is a normal part of development and reflects a biologically driven need for exploration – a process aimed at acquiring experience and preparing teens for the complex decisions they will need to make as adults" Next year's GPS line up brings you that latest research in ways that can be put to use immediately in your family. Circle your calendar now and please join us . Click on our 2018-2019 brochure at the right to view our event schedule, or visit us at www.glenbardgps.org for details.

Eutopia Magazine June 27 Summer fun with the brain in mind..
"Conflicts over curfews, friends, boundaries, and activities (among other subjects) always appear and sometimes magnify in the heat of summer. If a disagreement or conflict looms between parents and adolescents, and neither seems able to find a solution, go to your teen! There’s nothing more satisfying than being sought after for advice. Directly and indirectly, you enlist the help of your adolescent’s higher-level thought processes when you ask, “What can I do to resolve this?” or “Help me find a better plan that we all agree upon.” He or she begins to feel valued and appreciated, moving from the brain’s fight response into a “responder” response"

This and more from Eutopia Magazine, a great resource for parents and educators, below

FOLLOW EDUTOPIA

2018-2019 Schedule

2018-2019 Event Schedule

GPS

Our Mission

The Glenbard Parent Series engages top experts, parents, and school staff to become proactive and informed in pursuit of the mutual goal to strengthen our communities. High school and middle school parents and students, along with educators are encouraged to attend. Programs are free and open to the public.