Pages

Friday, September 12, 2014

"That's Nice." (On Not Being Taken Seriously)

Image courtesy of Danilo Rizzuti at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When you were a little kid, did you ever hear an adult say, “That’s
nice” to you?Chances are that you
did.You were probably going on and on
about something that was really important to you (even thought it wasn’t
important to anyone else), and your longsuffering mother said something like, “Oh,
that’s nice.” You could hear it in the
dismissive quality of her voice that she wasn’t really paying attention to what
you had to say, and you could tell that she didn’t think she needed to take you
seriously in any way.

My mother said that to me countless times.In her defense, if she’d paid attention to
every single thing I told her (especially while she was driving), she would
have gone insane long, long ago—the slow, excruciating insanity of being constantly
regaled with the never-ending yammerings of an attention-deficit child.By no means am I even suggesting that she should
have given me her full attention; I was a kid, babbling about kid stuff, and I
still count myself fortunate that she never told me to shut the blank up.

At the time, I absolutely knew that she wasn’t paying total
attention to me.But I had important
stuff to talk about, darn it, and I was more interested in just talking than
having her totally engaged.As long as I
knew she was giving me a marginal amount of attention—and bless her, she knew
exactly where to input the right, ‘uh-huh,’ ‘oh!’ or ‘really?” to keep me
satisfied. (I love you, Mom!)

There were other times, though, when I really did want to
show adults my capacity for awesomeness (usually in the form of bizarre and
unidentifiable crafts), and they said—you guessed it—“That’s nice.”

When I finally put it all together, I learned the cold hard
truth that when someone says, “That’s nice,” it means they don’t take you
seriously. Of course, it’s all in the inflection.If somebody nods approvingly, like a guy
looking at a really cool car, and says, “That’s nice,” you know they
think it’s pretty darn awesome.But the
inflection I’m talking about—I’m pretty sure that you can already hear it in
your head.You’ve heard it before.You know the one I mean.

As a little kid, it was to be expected.I knew that grown-ups thought about grown-up
things, and kid things weren’t interesting to them.At least they gave a nod in my direction.

So, when I started writing at the age of fourteen—something I
was really, seriously passionate about, and I started to get the same “That’s
nice,” I was sorely disappointed. I was trying to write books, and all
of the adults in my life really liked books. To be fair, my parents eventually figured
out that I was serious, around the time that I declared I was going to college
to study English.

If you’re in that same boat right now—that feeling that
nobody takes you seriously—hang in there.Chances are good that the important people in your life will eventually
realize that you mean business. Even if they don’t, there are lots of people
who will—other writers.There are some
great forums on the internet for people who like to write.My personal favorite is Mythic Scribes (you’ll
notice that I link to them in the sidebar; they have a blog as well as forums),
which is specifically for fantasy writers.Other sites are out there, such as Scribophile (a peer-review forum for
all genres).These types of things are great for
solidarity and moral support.

Trust me.You’ll need
it.

Once you get out into the wide, wide world, you find that
there are lot of people who won’t take you seriously either.I can’t tell you how many people I’ve told
that I am a writer, and most of them say, “That’s neat,” in exactly that same dismissive
inflection.Those who seem to have
interest will ask if you’ve had any books published, and if the answer is no
(as is my case), they become dismissive.This is true even if you’ve had several short works published, as I
have.For some reason, people are
especially dismissive of poetry.

It’s kind of sad that people are so dismissive of your
passion for writing—unless, of course, you have a published book.Even then, if the book is self-published, it
might not be enough to convince people.

Sometimes, however, you do have the opportunity to open
somebody’s eyes, and change their perspective not just on you, but on anyone
who says they are a writer.

A little over a year ago, I was training a new co-worker at
my job.We were making small talk and
getting to know each other, and it turned out that we had a common interest in
reading.We talked about our favorite
books and such, and somewhere in the conversation I mentioned that I was a
writer, working on a fantasy novel.She
said, “Oh! That’s cool.”

She didn’t use the dreaded inflection, though.I thought that she really meant what she
said, really believed that I was a writer, and really believed it.

Sometime later that week, I had brought my 300-plus page
manuscript to work with me, so that I could edit it during my breaks. When she
saw me working on it, her jaw dropped. “Oh my gosh!” she said. “I didn’t know
you were actually a writer.”

I was floored. I said, “I told you that I was a writer.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think that you meant you were a writer
writer.”

You see, there are a lot of people out there who talk about
wanting to write, or only write very little, or haven’t completed a 300-plus
page manuscript.Apparently, the
co-worker’s brother fell into this category.She didn’t think he was actually a serious writer—a “writer writer,”
whatever that means. There are a lot of people who have this same idea about
writers; they won’t actually believe you when you say you’re a writer unless
you have massive amounts of writing to prove it.

This is so unfair to beginning writers.If you just started writing a month ago, but
you do write on a regular basis, you are a writer.If you are planning and outlining a novel or
story, you are a writer.Yet in many
people’s estimation, you aren’t a “writer writer.” So when you say that
you’re a writer, you will frequently get the “That’s nice” response.

It’s completely bogus, of course.The only requirement of being a writer is
that you write.Do you write poetry? You’re
a writer—called a poet. Do you write manuals? You’re a writer—called a
technical writer.Do you write novels?
You’re a writer—called a novelist.Do
you write newspaper or magazine articles? You’re a writer—called a
journalist.Do you write blog
posts?You’re a writer—called a blogger.
Do you write fan fiction or write for your own personal amusement?You’re a writer—called a hobby writer. Do you
write licensed fan fiction? You’re a writer—called a franchise writer. (Don’t
believe that there’s licensed fan fiction?Go check out the section of your local bookstore that’s full of Star
Wars novels.They’ll claim it’s not
really fan fiction—but I prefer to call a spade a spade.)

The truth is, even if nobody in the world takes you
seriously, you don’t need their approval to be considered a writer. Write, and you are a writer.Even a writer writer.

Take yourself seriously, and you won’t need anyone else to
do it for you.

And that, my friends—that’s nice.

Do you feel like you need the approval of others to
consider yourself a writer?What do you
think makes somebody a writer?There is
actually a raging debate on this in writing circles, so any viewpoints on the
subject are welcome; all I ask is that you be polite when sharing your opinion.
Share your thoughts in the comments!

3 comments:

As a author/reader of primarily fanfiction, I don't necessarily call myself a "writer" when discussing my hobbies. I do write purely for enjoyment, so by your definition I am a "hobby writer". However, I try to specify that I _like_ to write, and I sort of feel that becoming a writer in my own mind involves more effort and less relaxation than my own writing process. I have some friends who are working on their own original stories, and I've always considered them to be more "writers" than myself. Really, I feel the need for my own approval before I count myself a writer by my personal definition. Does that makes sense?

Interesting. I understand most of what you're saying here, and I see your point. Everyone has their own writing process, so I'm curious as to what you mean by "becoming a writer...involves more effort and less relaxation" than your own writing process. Also, what criteria does someone need to meet, at least in your opinion, to be a writer?

I suppose what I meant was that when I write, it's usually on a whim, meaning that I don't sit down knowing even what fandom I'm going to write about, and most solo writing projects that I begin don't get finished. With a partner to spur me on and trade off the load with, I go places, and that's when I feel like a "real" writer in any respect. I really can't think of a way to truly put into words what I feel makes a writer. It still doesn't make much logical sense to me. I mean, I suppose it makes sense that I would judge myself harder than any other writer, and really I only feel conflict on the subject in respect to myself. Oh, the confusion!