Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls (2016) Episode Scripts

N/A - Mutiny

1
This programme contains strong
language and adult content.
In 21st-century Britain
we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission,
modern-day celebrities have it
easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these
celebrities will cope when
stripped of their luxury lifestyles.
Absolutely beautiful.
And left to fend for
themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned ten British
celebrities on
a remote desert island in
the Pacific.
Tastes like piss. Fish piss.
I have OCL -
Obsessive Compulsive Laziness.
Marooned in just the clothes they
stand up in and with
a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God, Mark, Mark,
please do it.
Alone with four camera operators.
Hi, I'm Tom.
They will film everything
themselves. This is a Josie Long.
I'm desperately trying not to
flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt
down I got a fish. Oh, my God.
..and kill.
Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you, darling.
This is proper real. Deprived of
all of the creature comforts
I haven't taken a shit since we've
got here which is slightly
concerning.
..they take for granted.
Positivity, positivity, positivity.
Will they have the determination
This is going to hurt.
..and the strength We have
no water. We have no BLEEP water.
..to survive.
Don't move.
We are so, so BLEEP.
We've been out here for
hours and hours.
As part of this year's Stand Up To
Cancer campaign, ten
celebrities have embarked on the
toughest two weeks of their lives.
They're all taking part for free
and donating their fees
to the charity.
My sister died of leukaemia and my
dad died of cancer.
I know loads of people that have
died of cancer and it's just crazy.
It's the big C, isn't it?
It's the big fear.
So if I can do anything to help
for that, that's great.
Since I dropped them on the
island four days ago
I honestly feel like we're in BLEEP
Jumanji.
..they elected Dom Joly as a
leader.
I was expelled from school and look
at this.
Running my own country now.
They've made fire Oh, my God.
Yeah.
..and discovered a beach with a
water source.
It's freshwater. That is freshwater.
But they've yet to relocate there
from their temporary camp.
We'll leave first thing tomorrow
morning.
Despite the promise of better times
ahead My throat is cutting up.
..the island has pushed pop star
Aston to the brink.
I didn't expect it to be this hard.
It is pretty hard-core. Oh,
no, it's fully hard-core.
It's the group's fifth
morning on the island.
I'm so hungry right now I could
Josie's butt.
Juicy. I'd settle for a coconut.
They said three gives you diarrhoea,
doesn't it?
At the moment I'd eat diarrhoea.
The celebrities have secured two
basic survival tools.
They've made fire and discovered
a freshwater source.
And that's definitely bought them
a little bit of time.
But they've hardly eaten anything
and the reality is they're
getting weaker by the minute.
And if they don't find food soon,
what is a hard situation is going to
become an awful lot worse.
Can we wear machetes?
Who's wearing machetes?
The group's plan is to relocate
to their new beach and water
source as soon as possible.
Let's do this, team.
But before they can leave,
Aston calls a meeting.
I just feel that I'm not being 100%
myself in here and I'm just
quite miserable to be honest.
I came into this, I think,
very naive.
And I'm just going to go home.
Is there anything any of us could
do? How I'm feeling now, no.
This isn't my environment.
I'm better off in a studio writing
songs and choreographing
dance routines that may seem piss
easy to a lot of people but it's
a different type of endurance and
it's something that I've
trained myself for since I was,
like, 15 years old.
I just want to be sure, like, Aston
is that your actual final decision?
Listen, I don't really want to do
anything that I don't want to do.
We all want to leave frankly.
You know, I'm not enjoying this,
I'm BLEEP hating every second
of it but I'm going to try and
hack it as long as I can.
I really believe if you don't like
stuff just quit, get out of there.
Having said that,
I've wanted to and I haven't and I
think Aston is a bit of a chicken.
I'm devastated.
I'm struggling myself and actually
contemplated going too.
Presidente.
I feel like I'm a broken man.
We'll miss you.
Have fun. The rest of it's going
to be a holiday.
You're missing the best bit.
Bye. Love you guys. Love you.
Take care.
It's just heartbreaking.
Because we're just in this position
where we'll be able
to get ourselves set up.
It's just not good if people go.
Buy, Aston!
When one person quits, it really can
descend morale crashing.
And the danger is that others
then follow.
And in this situation,
it's essential for the group to
stay positive and concentrate on the
basic survival priorities.
Water, shelter, food.
Marvin would have hacked it.
THEY LAUGH
HE CLUCKS
Right, without putting too fine
a point on it, we need to crack on.
Yeah, let's go.
Having been delayed by Aston's
departure, leader Dom wants the
group to set off for their new home
as soon as possible.
Look out. Got it.
We're not far off here.
One of these termite things
burn for ages.
There's a huge one in the tree.
I reckon we can carry the fire in it
to where we're going next.
Three, two, one.
Yes. Termites down!
The fire will be essential for
purifying water once they
reach their new camp.
You're carrying a fucking lit
termite mound through the jungle.
How cool is that?
Right, are we all already and
raring? Mm-hm.
Can I sit down?
I feel like I'm not breathing
properly.
Just as the group are about
to leave,
former Blue Peter presenter Zoe has
a wobble.
Are you OK? Can't really breathe
properly.
Oh, darling. Can you feel your heart
going? Yeah, my heart's racing.
I mean, she's pretty thin anyway
so I just think it's really tough
for her.
I think she's having
a really, really bad time.
Just breathe and open your mouth.
I'm quite worried about her
actually. This walk's not really
good for her at all.
She needs some food.
You're fine, darling. But just be
careful today. All right?
After checking Zoe's vital signs,
Dr Dawn thinks she's fit to travel.
Do you want to carry that or?
Oh, yeah, I'll do what over, yeah.
I'll take the water.
As long as she doesn't
over exert herself.
We are all knackered, starved,
and dehydrated. Yep.
If you start feeling a bit faint or
dizzy, the best thing you can do for
the team is to say that
you need to stop.
This is it. If termites don't work,
we're in trouble.
Woo!
It's moving day.
To relocate to their paradise beach
and water source, the group
must carry their kit across 2km of
arduous jungle terrain.
Exhausting.
As president, I name
this hill El Bastardo.
Dr Dawn and cameraman Ali have
taken responsibility for the
group's most precious cargo.
Is it out now? It's not out. There's
still an ember in there.
What we're going to have to do is
just check this stick every
few yards cos I dropped it cos
the stick broke.
Let's go.
The quicker they can get
to the new camp,
the better their chances of
saving the fire.
And we've got to wait for Zoe,
guys, guys, guys.
Come on, Zoe.
How's Zoe?
She's very tired. Already? Yeah.
Do we think Zoe's going to be able
to do this?
She'll have to.
It's so exhausting when you're
already exhausted.
I'm just going to lie down just for
a few minutes.
Has that gone out?
Yeah, it looks like it has. Shit.
While waiting for Zoe, the group
have lost one of their embers.
Dom, you're our last hope at the
moment. You're the only fire left.
I sense some pending doom.
Go on, then, guys. OK, Ollie.
You're all right, Zoe? How are you
feeling about cracking on?
Oh, yeah. I'm ready, I'm ready.
It's now a race against time to
save the remaining fire.
Avoid the middle of the gully cos
it's quite slippy and deep.
The group are more than halfway
to their new beach.
I'm dubious about getting all the
kit down here.
Cheers.
SCREAMING
Oh, shit, are you all right? Oh.
Who's down? Josie.
Shit. Oh, my God, Joe.
Comedienne Josie
has fallen heavily while carrying
a camera down the gully.
I just bashed my knee. It's so
stupid.
Right, I'm really sorry but we've
got to take loads and swap things
because it's getting too much.
People are getting exhausted.
Zoe, you're going to have to take
the camera for a bit.
Lydia, I'm very happy to.
Please don't ever think
that I wasn't.
Everyone's falling over and it's not
fair. No-one is offering to help.
Well, this'll be very clear.
I've offered the whole way.
I think you have a problem with me.
No, I don't have a problem.
Well, it sounds like you do.
People are, like, exhausted.
Exactly,
and I've offered the whole way.
I'm just saying that I
never heard that.
Well, I'm sorry, that you didn't
hear it. But I have said it.
Guys, we're all so knackered
and we're all just hitting
each other. Exhausted.
I know, I know, so let's just
keep it nice, tolerance.
Yeah.
Everyone all right?
OK, let's go.
How are you feeling?
Fucked.
I'd like to announce that you
can hear the sea.
It's downhill all the way to
Neverland.
Two hours after setting out,
the exhausted group finally make it
round the last section of headland.
CHEERING
Wow. Oh, my God.
I love this place already.
Welcome to our garden, guys. Wow.
This is more what I was
promised on the brochure.
Is this like your back garden in
the Cotswolds?
This is very like the
Cotswolds actually.
We suddenly turned up in what is
pretty close to paradise.
We've got five coves,
beautiful beaches,
we've got a lovely campsite here
with really amazing trees and stuff.
It's beautiful.
Here we go, guys.
Pray. Come on, fire. Yes.
CHEERING
Humble people,
this will be our new capital.
Hooray!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Shit, that's
hot.
Ow.
I'm so positive now. Everyone's so
happy that we've found a camp.
You know, it's perfect.
We've got a lovely scenic view.
Everyone's spirits and morale have
just been lifted like that.
I am feeling jubilated.
I was honestly considering
packing in
and I'm not even afraid
to admit that.
And I really feel like we've turned
a page and it's only going to get
better from here.
I feel fantastic.
I feel fantastic.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Do you not fancy a swim, Mark?
No, it wasn't on the itinerary for
me for today.
As the group celebrate
their new camp,
Mark is worried they've lost sight
of the bigger picture.
We've had no food now for four days.
There doesn't really seem to be a
priority for the basics.
As long as you can have a swim,
then everything's great.
But if you haven't got food,
shelter and water,
the happiness isn't going to last
very long, is it?
Fucking starving.
When does the sun come up?
What? Morning.
SHE LAUGHS
It's quite odd,
cos every time I wake up and
look down at Zoe, I think
she's died in the night cos she
sleeps in the recovery position.
We call it Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Salmon.
Oh, God, just the idea of salmon.
I shouldn't use that word.
We shouldn't call her Salmon,
should we?
That's delicious.
Because she suddenly sounds edible.
SHE LAUGHS
It's the group's first morning
in their new camp.
They now have fire and a sustainable
water supply
This is what they call
island tea.
It's basically alligator urine
and bug piss.
..but they haven't eaten
a single proper meal in five days.
'I'm a guy who has
about five meals a day.'
My body has just never,
never had this feeling of
of lack of energy.
'I'm in a mess.'
Right, shall we have this meeting?
What do we think our priorities are
today?
I think it's food. Food.
Do we all agree with food?
ALL: Yes.
Is there anyway we could
order a pizza?
OK, so who's doing what?
Me, Tom and Joe are
gonna go fishing.
Oh, we need yucca search as well.
We should get a yucca team.
Is that all right? Yeah. Yeah.
Tom, how are you today?
I dunno.
I don't know.
Tom is really struggling.
He's got no body stores at all.
He started this journey
with 5% body fat.
I hate to think what he's got now.
Tom, listen, I'm talking medically
now - your calorific
requirement to function is
completely different to mine.
Partly, you're a guy. But you're
also so lean
You're built like a horse.
..and muscle needs more calories
than fat.
So you NEED it.
I think it is gonna get better,
Tom,
and we are gonna get some food.
We'll feed you up.
Right, shall we crack on? Yes.
The human body has evolved to cope
with both feast and famine.
So when there's no food, the body
turns its own fat into the fuel.
But once those stores of
fat are gone,
the body then starts to
consume its own muscle,
and those with the lowest fat
reserves are hit the hardest first.
Ready, guys? Let's do it!
Having lost Aston yesterday,
the group are determined to find
food
so they don't lose Tom as well.
Yucca, yucca, yucca,
we're comin' to get ya.
I've ensured the island
has enough water,
vegetation and indigenous animals
to keep them alive.
But if they want to eat, they've
gotta find it, catch it and kill it.
Little bugger.
Hey! I got it.
There's gotta be some big
crabs around here.
I'm now in fishing mode.
I'm a real quite hardcore fisherman.
I may wear pink and stuff, but
actually, I'm a hardcore fisherman.
Despite being on his last legs,
Tom's determined to join the group's
efforts to find food.
If we come back with a bundle of
fish today,
I think I'll probably cry.
OK, well, let's make you cry.
All right, let's do it.
Since I've stopped playing rugby
I've been doing a bit of modelling,
underwear stuff.
I've certainly done tougher
jobs in the past.
I've been through some pretty
intense situations
on the rugby field in my time,
breaking my neck being one of them.
But if the going's got tough,
I've always been one to try and
find a way out than just throw the
towel in and think it's all over.
Scottish rugby player
versus small snail.
Snail wins.
This is mortifying.
Not for me, for you.
Yeah, but, I've just got no energy.
Carbs, carbs, carbs.
In the jungle, Zoe and Karen are
on the search for yucca.
Food is just crucial.
We need it, end of story.
BIRD CLUCKS
Sh!
BIRD CLUCKS
(Oh, my God, did you hear that?)
BIRD CLUCKS
Zoe, Zoe. There it is.
Oh, there it is.
The pair have stumbled across
a turkey in the undergrowth.
What's the worst a Turkey can do,
just bite me?
Yeah. That's fine. Just be a bit
aggressive,
but that's all it's gonna do.
That's fine.
Right, I'm going in, I'm going in.
If they can catch it, it will
provide a much-needed meal for the
entire group,
and vital calories for Tom.
Oh, no, he's gonna jump.
Oh, man. Oh, my God.
TURKEY CLUCKS
Come here,
my little turkey, turkey, turkey.
SHE MOANS
Oh, careful.
SHE GROANS
Where did you go?
SHE GROANS
We have to get to this.
I've got it!
I had it. Oh, shit.
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, dammit.
The minute you go to put your hands
on them, they just go.
They just go.
SHE GROANS
Come here, din-dins.
God, it's so sadistic, isn't it?
On the rocks, the fishing party are
braving the midday heat,
determined to get a bit.
Come on, fishy, fishy.
Here fishy, fishy, fishy.
Look at this fish, guys.
Holy shit, we got a shark here.
Fuck, guys, quickly, quickly.
Here he comes, here he comes.
That would feed the entire camp.
Give me a knife, I might fucking
jump from here and just stab him.
I don't know where it's gone.
It's shallow water, I can just
fucking jump in and stab him.
It's coming round again.
Where's the knife, seriously?
I haven't got it.
Where's the knife? I'll just jump
from a height and stab him.
I haven't got the knife, sorry.
How's he gonna see that coming?
What is he?
He's dinner, that's what he is.
Guys! Yes?
We're in. Oh, my God. We're in. Yes.
Oh, my God, what do I do?
Oh, fuck, he's gone.
Fuck! Fuck.
Shit.
The near miss is the last straw
for Tom.
Shit.
After an exhausting morning,
the islanders return to camp
empty-handed.
How are we doing?
Oh, good news and bad news.
We were in the company of turkeys.
I had my hands on one, caught it.
You're kidding me. What?
Bad news is, it got away.
Oh.
I just wanted everyone to have
dinner and I'm so bitterly
disappointed that I've come home
empty-handed.
Especially for Tom.
It's fucking repulsive.
Well, you'd never go into
a restaurant
and order fucking limpets.
All the group have for lunch
is the leftover bait.
Sadly, only three calories each,
I think, roughly.
Is that helping at all?
Not really - it's just not enough.
Like
..I've never felt this low.
But I can't just sit around
and not help.
He needs food.
I literally just can't
even move now.
Oh, my God. Fucking hell, Tom.
Tom? You with me?
Yeah.
Do you wanna sit down? Yeah.
Yeah, just sit down.
Too weak even to stand up,
Tom is confined to camp by Dr Dawn
until the group can revive him with
a decent meal.
He's just so drained. I mean,
literally can't move.
He's like this big monster
that just wants to help,
but his body says, no.
Let's do it, guys, come on.
We all have a vested interest in
feeding him.
Because we don't wanna lose him.
While Don and Zoe resume
the hunt for carbs
Oh!
Lost the string.
Oh, that's so annoying.
..Lydia and Josie are fishing with
improvised rods,
using the hooks I provided.
I'm so hungry.
I've never, ever gone in my life
more than one day without
eating food.
'I just feel frail.'
I can feel the bites,
but it's only little ones.
For me, image is very important.
I know that might sound quite
shallow,
but I feel happier when I look
incredible.
I have no deal deodorant,
no toothpaste.
Oh, you're not very good with
smells, either, are you?
That is my thing.
Sometimes, people think that
a lot of us Towie cast
and, you know myself, are from
really rich families and stuff.
But I'm from a very working class
family.
You know, I'm not afraid to work
hard.
I want to go on the island with
no make-up and
no glitz and glam, and show them
that I can survive.
You've put on loads of weight
lately.
Maybe this thing's quite good for
you
so you can lose a bit of weight.
How dare you?
SHE YELPS
You OK?
What's happened? I've got the hook
stuck on my finger.
Shit.
SHE WHIMPERS
Ooh, it's really hurting me.
I think it's gone through my
knuckle or something.
I don't know how I'm gonna
get that out.
Dawn will get it out.
Fuck sake.
Lydia heads back to camp
to get help.
Fucking got a fish hook in my
finger.
Oh, sweetie. Oh, my God.
It may not look like an emergency
yet, but out in the tropics,
even the smallest of injuries can
turn life-threatening.
And when it's hot and humid,
open wounds are almost
impossible to heal.
And that's why it's vital you act
quickly.
Once infection sets in, then you're
in serious trouble.
We need to get Dawn.
Would you be able to search for her?
Yeah, yeah, I'll go find her.
I be back in a bit, Lyds.
Dawn?
Dawn?
Dr Dawn's been out in the jungle
looking out for yucca
for the past two hours.
Fuck, I'm not built for this.
HE PANTS
Dawn?!
Dawn?!
Da-a-wn?
Fuck.
Fuck!
TURKEY CLUCKS
It's a fucking turkey.
I'll come back for you.
You stay there.
Stay there, Turkey.
OK? Cos we're gonna fucking eat
you tonight.
I'm just going to get the
doctor first, so stay.
Fuck.
Dawn?
I thought I heard somebody
I thought it was a voice.
..shout something.
Dawn?
Hello?
Hi, Dawn.
Yes? Where are you?
Going downhill.
Yeah.
Lydia's got a look in her finger.
You're joking me.
OK, I'll come back.
The fucking shit thing is,
I've just passed two fucking turkeys
on the way.
You're kidding me. No.
OK, where's Lydia, in camp? In camp.
OK.
It's like the ugliest finger
accessory in the world.
It's swollen up.
Where is she? Just over there.
Oh, thank God.
I'm here. Dawn.
Bless you.
We're not gonna pull it out now,
are we?
No, no, no, I won't do anything
without telling you.
You have to tell me what you're
gonna do. I promise you. OK.
The fish hook's barb makes it almost
impossible to pull out
without causing more damage.
Papa to Charlie, Papa to Charlie.
Over.
'This is Charlie, go ahead, over.'
So she's got the barb in the
pulp of her finger.
Erm, I would be happy to push
that on through.
So I just wonder whether we've got
any ice to freeze it?
'I think it's probably
appropriate I come over over.
'And then we'll take it from there.
Over.'
Thank you. Out.
It's a fucking disaster.
At Dr Dawn's request,
my safety team bring medical
supplies to help extract the hook.
SHE GRUNTS
Sorry.
Sweetie? You're gonna be just fine,
all right?
Oh, my God, it's pulling.
You're all right, you're all right.
Brilliant.
Ah! Stingy! Stingy?
Right, this is gonna hurt.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm definitely not ready.
Yes, you're ready.
Yes, you are, honey.
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God, it's sore.
It's all right.
Oh, my God.
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God, it hurts so much.
Is it out? Is it out?
No, no, no, no.
SHE SOBS
Right, Lydia, it's stuck in there
now.
OK, it's not gonna come out easily.
Will it be less painful for
me if I go to hospital?
But if we carted you off to
hospital,
erm, you're basically off the
island.
SHE SOBS
If it didn't come out that
easily on that attempt,
it's going to really, really hurt if
I try and do it again, my love. OK?
Lydia has impaled
her finger on a fish-hook.
It has not come out on the first
attempt easily. It's too embedded.
It's so painful.
It's one of the most painful things
that ever happened in my life.
If we carted you off to hospital,
you'd basically be off the island.
I don't care. Right.
It's a really fine needle.
Lydia agrees to let medic Mike
make one last attempt
with local anaesthetic.
I swear. It really is.
Tiny, tiny, tiny needle.
I think when you become
attached to people
in places like this,
where it's so remote,
you need the closest thing
to your family,
and that is your closest friends.
Without Lydia, I'm going
to be in real trouble.
You'll feel pressure and a weird
feeling but you shouldn't feel pain.
OK. OK, mate.
I can feel that a little bit.
It's just there, isn't it?
It's all about not leaving
a big wound in this environment.
Oh, guys.
LYDIA SCREAMS
Out. Out.
All done.
Thank you. I'm sorry
if I was a bad patient.
That scream was insane.
It was horrible.
It was like a child labour
scream, that. Poor thing.
Lydia's able to stay
but the incident has wiped out
a whole afternoon's worth
of hunting
Shit.
I should have tried to grab
one at least, should I?
..and the turkeys spotted
by cameraman Ali earlier
have vanished into the jungle.
Fuck.
I told them to stay.
Everyone's so hungry.
Probably due to my
stupidity.
Part of me had actually
wanted to cry but
I'm honestly too fucked
to even do that.
And that's no word of a lie.
You laid a huge log there, Dawn.
I certainly did.
A week in, and the islanders still
haven't eaten a single proper meal.
I'd eat poo on a stick right now.
You'd eat poo on a stick?
How's my hair looking?
Fuck your hair, Lydia. Would you
eat poo on a stick right now?
I think I would.
That is what little dignity we have
left in our lives. Poo on a stick.
I just think everybody
would be happier living in
a place that feels like home.
People are cleaning and it's
making me feel very uneasy.
I've got to go and lie down.
Before the group resume
their search for food,
Dr Dawn wants everyone
to help tidy the camp
SHE SCREAMS
Oh, my God! There's all bugs on me!
..in the hope it will boost morale.
Are you happy if we put
the beds away, Dom?
I was going to lie down
for a little bit.
You can lie down in your bed.
We'll put the others away.
I think she's cracked.
It's when OCD attacks. It's great.
It's what lazy people like me
You wait for OCD people to crack
and do everything and they'll say,
"Well, if you won't do it,
I won't do it,"
but you know an OCD person will
do it in the end. It's brilliant.
Dom was joking about
how lazy he is, which isn't
ideal for a leader, really.
Not when we're in
a survival situation.
Sorry, I'm just feeling nauseous.
It's really come
over me quite badly.
I think Don's getting quite
a few people's nerves
because he does
do less than everyone.
Sometimes it's a bit stressful
and you see him, like,
just not taking the initiative.
There really is no such thing
as a good, lazy survivor.
You've just got to get to it
and never stop.
And this group is going to stand
the best chance of thriving if
everyone is pulling their weight.
Physically,
they're deteriorating fast
and if nothing changes,
you really are on borrowed time.
Please can we go bloody fishing now?
Yes, let's go. Come on.
All the fish have a siesta,
they all sod off every day.
They probably do. Listen,
no-one's going to fucking die.
Let's fucking enjoy it for a bit
cos there's nothing worse than
just grumbling AND getting nothing.
If you want to kill yourself,
that's great, but not us.
It drives me mental. You know?
Yucca, yucca, yucca
Yucca, yucca.
Good yucc. Guys, good yucc.
Good yucc. See what she did there?
Do you see what she did?
Badum-bum-tish!
While most of the group
head out to find food,
Thom's still too weak to hunt.
It's horrible because
I've always been, like,
a doer and I like doing stuff,
especially for
the sake of the group,
but I physically, like, I can't
I can't even function.
I just can't. No energy. Nothing.
Mark has recruited Ollie and Zoe
to his fishing party.
Come back up a bit.
It only takes one big wave and
that'll be it. Sorry?
I was brought up at the seaside.
You know? I know these things.
This is not alien to me.
Have you heard the good news?
You're leaving possibly? Is that it?
No, somebody else has
just handed their notice in.
In my experience, the only one
that can do it properly is me.
This looks a mess.
I mean, when I was
in the hotel business,
I always said if I could clone
myself, I would just do everything
and get rid of all the staff.
But they're idiots but they're
hotel staff. What do you expect?
I've always been the boss.
Join on the end. Come on!
'I'll be putting in my share.'
I might not know what I'm doing
but at least I'll be having a go.
I think we're failing miserably.
I think we're the worst
survivors on an island
that this island has ever had.
The reason we're failing
is due to leadership
and we haven't got any.
If we were to go against Dom,
would it make our lives harder?
I think it might be. Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't want to be
in an argument with Dom.
I think all hell would break loose.
But seriously, we need to
energise ourselves because
we're not thriving, we're failing.
We need a new leader.
Try not
I was going to say let's try not
to disturb all
the sediment on the bottom.
Oh. Sorry. This is my first time.
While the others hunt,
leader Dom has opted to stay close
to camp to do the daily water run.
I've got half.
That's about as much as I can carry.
Fuck.
I keep saying to myself, "Don't be
lazy. You've got to get involved.
"Don't let other people
do it for you."
Especially as they've
made me leader.
I could try and I don't know.
I'll try and set an example.
HE SIGHS
El presidente siesta time.
Oh, this is not right.
No, it's not it, is it?
In the jungle, the search for
the elusive yucca continues.
You know what? I think Thom's
got to the stage where
he'd eat his own thumb.
I'd love to find a yucca.
You know, that's what he needs.
Oh, look at that.
Dickhead.
Stupid tree.
Carbohydrate is the most important
food for the body and without it
your energy levels just basically
crash but the good news is
these islands are home to the
tropics' alternative to the potato,
and that's the humble yucca.
But with over 1,000 different
species of plant life here,
it isn't easy to find.
Do you see sweet, juicy yuccas
on the end of that?
No.
It's just annoying because they say,
"Oh, you know, you'll see it
when you see it."
Look how many trees there are.
I've never seen
so many trees in my life.
It's late afternoon.
After an unsuccessful fishing trip,
Mark is the first back to camp.
Dom's gone. Where's Dom?
He's not here.
SNORING
For fuck's sake.
Unbelievable.
DOM SNORES
I've done water already.
I'm not being lazy. Unbelievable.
SNORING CONTINUES
There's no sense of urgency,
you know.
We're starving to death, you know,
we've got somebody like Thom who's
about to collapse at any moment and
our industrious president is asleep.
SNORING
I'm going to maybe launch
a military coup. We'll see.
What's this, guys?
GASP
Oh, my God. Is it the yucca?
That does look like yucca.
Oh, my God.
After days of searching, Zoe and
Dawn think they've finally made
a discovery that could turn
around the group's fortunes.
Right, give that a pull. Right.
That, ladies and gentlemen,
is yucca.
Oh, my goodness, I knew it.
So relieved.
We've brought home the carbs.
What have you got?
You've got yucca?
A lot of it. Bloody hell.
CHEERING
But this is just the start of that.
Oh, my God.
Buzzing.
Today is yucca day.
Who knows, maybe
the couple of spoonfuls
of yucca that we will have
will really reenergise us
and I'm really happy
for everyone, especially for Thom.
Look at this one. Look at this one.
It looks like a penis.
LAUGHTER
With a genital wart. I know.
We've decided it needs to go and
see Dawn from Embarrassing Bodies.
Oh.
After a week on the island
So excited to taste it.
..the group are about to eat
their first proper meal.
Is that the best thing you've seen
for a little while? Sure is.
Look how everyone's cheered up.
I'm on the verge of tears.
We're going to be carbed up.
Leader Dom is given the privilege
of trying the first bite.
It's just wood.
Taste that bit.
It's fucking wood. This isn't yucca.
We've been boiling a tree.
Oh, fuck's sake.
That's just literally
a piece of wood.
I can't believe it.
I never like to quit at anything but
the thought has certainly
crossed my mind.
If we don't find food,
I don't know
I don't know what else
I can do, to be honest,
because it's getting
worse and worse.
Fucking hell.
Hey, Thom.
You look totally miserable
and brooding.
Not now, please, Jo.
I mean it. Just not now.
Having a little moment.
Shit, I'm so sorry.
The islanders are reeling from
the news that the yucca dinner
they'd hoped for is actually
inedible tree root.
Even if you boil a shoe,
it is edible at the end because
it's leather and it will reduce,
but wood is fucking wood.
I think what you've developed is
a slow-burning wood
so it will last longer on the fire.
We've made briquettes.
It's a major result.
In the past seven days, it's fair to
say we've had, on average,
a maximum of 200 calories.
I'm struggling so much.
I really am struggling.
Fucking hell, Thom.
You look beat, son.
Hmm?
My body is just breaking
down hour by hour.
But this is just
It's just something else.
Worried by Thom's rapid decline,
Doctor Dawn decides to find out how
much weight he's actually lost using
the scales from her medical kit.
So you are 82 kilos.
What were you before? 94.
That's like a stone and a half?
No, it's nearer two stone, isn't it?
Two stone? Oh, my God.
Two stone in a week.
You can tell.
That's nuts.
I predicted, over the fortnight,
the girls would lose between half
a stone and a stone,
and the guys would lose between
a stone and a stone and a half.
And it's so much more brutal
than we thought.
I can't believe you've lost
two stone.
Fuck!
Sorry to interrupt. I'd just like to
say a few words if that's all right?
I've decided to leave the island.
I set out to finish this but
it's just, sadly,
not going to be the case.
You've been such
a great part of the team.
I know that you feel over the past
couple of days you've struggled,
but we still loved you being here
and we really will miss you.
Thanks.
Can I just say I think you've been
a wimp and I actually think
LAUGHTER
I'm joking, I'm joking!
Papa to Bravo, Papa to Bravo.
I would like to leave the island.
Over.
DAWN: I think I'm just emotional.
While the group reel from
Thom's announcement,
Mark puts the blame for the lack of
food firmly at one man's door.
Unless somebody takes charge soon,
then we're going to be in
serious trouble.
You can't have a lazy leader.
You know, you need someone who's
going to push people.
We're losing a member,
a team player, who isn't lazy,
would be prepared to work hard
because he just hasn't eaten food.
My safety boat arrives to take
Thom off the island.
Take it easy, man.
See you on the other side.
I'll miss you.
Stick in there, all right?
Keep it up.
Cheers, guys.
All the best. Goodbye, sir.
Been a pleasure.
He's such a lovely guy.
I just wish we could fill his belly
with food and keep him here.
He's a real loss.
Look, he can barely get on the boat.
Aw, bless him!
DOM CHANTS: Give him a sandwich!
Give him a sandwich!
APPLAUSE
I'm so jealous.
That's the most horrible
feeling ever.
You just feel that you're
worthless in a way.
It really was just the toughest
thing I've ever done hands down.
This really is make-or-break
for the group.
They've lost two people in a week
and there are worrying signs
others are faltering.
If they want to stop a mass exodus,
they've got to find food and fast.
Something has got to change,
otherwise we really are doomed.
Determined to take matters
into his own hands,
Mark calls an emergency meeting.
DOM: Oh, god, here we go.
So I would like to propose that
a new person is elected to lead
us forward or we're going to survive
this. Is this a coup?
I would like Dawn to be in charge.
DAWN: I definitely don't
want to be leader.
I'm not assertive enough.
Hands up anybody who would
like to be leader?
Yeah, who'd like to be leader?
OK, this attempted coup
has been quashed.
There will be no repercussions.
But we're starving to death.
I would rather be led by somebody
from the front, a fighter.
You want to be president,
you're gagging to be president.
You're missing the point. OK, but
you've raised this three times now.
So if you want to be a leader,
absolutely go ahead with it,
but if not, let's move on. OK, I'll
take it on tomorrow morning. Great.
We'll look forward to it.
I think Mark will be utterly fucking
useless, but what do I know?
I haven't run a hotel in Torquay.
I will look for full efficiency from
everything, you know,
cos I'm not going to fail as leader.
Oh, they're going to hate
me tomorrow.
Next time: Holy moly, you have
been mullered. People are broken.
Fuck! Just like watching zombies.
It's a group discussion. We all
decide what we're going to do.
No, it isn't. It is. Not today it
isn't. I'm president.
Guys, stop. Both of you, OK?
I said power was going to go to
his head. I knew it would.
When you're at the top,
the only way is down.
One in two of us will get
cancer in our lifetime.
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