Am I Bitter?

I read so many poems on almost relationships and half baked ones. Ones where there’s only one person fighting for this relationship. When looking at these ‘relationships’ from the outside it’s so easy to judge and wonder WHY IS SHE PUTTING UP WITH THIS?!

Unfortunately, things are never so easily black and white. We come up with all these reasons for why he can’t commit, and of course he has to love me otherwise he would be able to let me go, otherwise he wouldn’t keep taking me out on dates, otherwise we wouldn’t be intimate, the list goes on and on.

We really can’t make ourselves see the truth that he only likes the attention and we’re convient.

I had a friend in college and we bonded over the guys that were half in and half out in our lives. There were different ways in which they did this and for what ended up being different reasons. Eventually, her Stubborn became fully committed and they’re now in a long term, loving relationship.

Sometimes you break things off with your Stubborn and spend time apart. Months or years later you may reconnect and he realized who and what’s important in his life. And you two also end up in a long term, loving relationship.

Its stories like these that keep us running along to each precious breadcrumb they feel like dropping. I’ve been preaching that the answer is to always ditch the guy and find someone who knows how special you are from the start.

I preach that answer because the last option is that you got my Stubborn and you broke things off and finally found a partner who would do anything to show how much they love you and want you in their lives. A partner who is the complete opposite of what you’ve been putting up with in the past and one who makes you realize just how delusional you were for ever thinking that your Stubborn ever really liked/loved you.

But as I think about success stories, is it time I realize that maybe I’m just bitter? That my story didn’t work out the same way and I got burned in the end. Am I preventing others from their happy ends by telling them to call it quits? Or am I giving them a warning against an unhealthy relationship?

I always warned my friend against her Stubborn just like she did with me. And I think I would do it all over again even though it never stopped either of us.

You want the best for your friends and you know they’re so great so you automatically dislike anyone who doesn’t see exactly what you see. And that makes me bitter.

So yes I am bitter. Bitter against all Stubborns for not appreciating what they have when they have it. Bitter that there was ever someone in my friend’s life that had her doubting her self worth.

Interesting read, as someone has put poem about “relationships” and people based on personal experiences, but also about what I see and for me it is the best way to express myself with a poem or words to how I can realise how I feel. But a lot of things are based on what I have read or seen especially when they are classical novels of Austen, Bronte etc. As I think they are inspirational reads. But I think what you have said is a great perspective.

I wouldn’t say you are bitter, but more observant to other people’s behaviour to yourself and other people. When I read it I did think of he is just not that into you (good book/film). I think it is an interesting read and you do have a point on some poems can be a bit airy fairy and floaty, so even I agree with that.

I think you’re trying to protect yourself and your friends. You mean well. Breakups can be traumatic and they hurt like hell. But you can’t numb yourself to the possibility of finding love. You attract what you emit. You could be pushing guys away without even realizing it. Try to stay open minded even though there’s always the chance you’ll get hurt. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

Friends don’t come with expectations. If they do, they’re not a friend. Boyfriends and girlfriends and partners and the like are easily spotted as frauds if there’s an expectation from the start other than to just enjoy the amazing human you are.

Wow. Feel like I’m reading my own thoughts here!
I think the world would be a better place if everyone took the time to understand what they need and how they desire to be loved. Who takes that time though? Most people jump into a relationship with the next person they like, then the next, and the next, until they find someone who’s as scared of losing them as they are. There’s no criteria, no self-understanding to aid their search.
The downside of setting this criteria? It’s lonely setting standards that no human can ever reach.

All we can do is offer advice to the people we care about, and let them make their own mistakes, just as we make ours.

“We really can’t make ourselves see the truth that he only likes the attention and we’re convient.”

So very true. It can be difficult to see it when together since things seem to be going well. But there are usually hints such as – they usually always want you to come over, watch their kind of movie or they only talk about themselves, unavailable if you rarely want something your way. Everything their way and you are inconvenienced, but you are willing because it’s not that big of a deal and you truly like/love them (which feeds their ego). If we can notice that, that’s when we need to stop being available and be more loving to ourselves. Step back and ask “What’s in this for me??” It’s ok to think of ourselves! If we don’t, then we just get walked on.

“maybe I’m just bitter? That my story didn’t work out the same way and I got burned in the end. Am I preventing others from their happy ends by telling them to call it quits? Or am I giving them a warning against an unhealthy relationship?”

I’ve asked the same thing about myself. I don’t think we’re bitter; I think we’re hurt. Hurt that someone we care about didn’t treat us like the good person we are. That we cared and they didn’t. Feeling tricked because in the beginning they sucked us in with their charm and caring, then their true colors came out subtly. You’re not preventing others happy endings by telling them to call it quits because the only way they will realize what we are is if we love and respect ourselves first – and that requires walking away from those that don’t treat us the same. Maybe they’ll realize what they lost and change their ways, maybe not. But when we decide to put ourselves first, everything will fall into place eventually. Maybe with them, maybe with another person. It can hurt to walk away, but it also feels very good to take a stand for yourself.