Back From the Stone Age

A funny thing happened on my way to my last blog post–our router died. Those of you that hang out with me on Facebook or Twitter have already heard this, so please bear with me. For those of you who don’t hang on Facebook and Twitter? Why the heck not? Fun stuff happens over there on a daily basis!

But back to the router…my router died seven days ago, therefore cutting my laptop off from the outside world. Allow me to get all Computer-Geek on you by explaining that the router is the cute little box in my house that “routes” the smartypants-computer-code-stuff from my laptop to the Internet so that I can chat with all of you. LOVE my router! At least it did before it died on me.

Not that I blame the router for dying or anything. I mean, it was five years old, which we come to find out was about 4 years beyond its life expectancy due to known-issues. So we bid our old-workhorse-router farewell one minute, and ordered a replacement the next.

Technology waits for no one.

Being that we were teetering precariously on the cusp of a holiday weekend, we opted absorb the ridiculously expensive “next day shipping” fees so as to minimize our time offline. Besides, I was fresh off a spontaneous vacation so I had a lot of electronic catching up to do!

Being that we placed the order on a Friday morning, the next day to us meant Saturday. The company we ordered from happily accepted the bucket of money we through at them additional payment, but neglected to ship the replacement router because……wait for it…it would have cost them too much extra money for weekend shipping.

Wait. What?!

So I was forced to wallow in the irony of seven full daysof no home internet service!I know! Totally a first world problem. You’d think I’d use the forced-unplugged time wisely and maybe catch up on the laundry or something. Mais non. Thankfully, I just upgraded to a new smarter-than-me-phone which gave me (albeit limited) access to the outside world.

Obviously made-up-hyphenated-phrases and liberal use of italics are the theme for this Stream-of-Consciousness post.

To make this long story even longer, I should probably tell you that the router was delivered to my door the day after the holiday, by an out-of-breath delivery gentleman that literally ran the package from his truck to my door. He gets a gold star for enthusiasm.

So me, being a former computer network professional, immediately attempted to install the new router. I failed. Apparently being out of the technology workforce for 11 years had rendered me incapable of connecting 2 cables and a power cord to make the thing go. Obsolescence is a humbling experience.

Of course Hubby came home and had us up in running in about 16 seconds. The very same wonderful man that I married, who has never been a computer network professional. Yet, technology loves him. Whatev.

Which brings me to the next item:

Hubby has decided my term of endearment I use for him here on the blog doesn’t suit him. He isn’t a fan of “Hubby” nor do I ever call him that in real life. Hubby was just a common way for me to describe him without using his actual name. Because when you regularly spill your guts on the internet, some semblance of privacy must prevail.

So my soulmate-babies-daddy-best-friend-man-of-awesomeness has decided that he should be referred to by something less generic than “Hubby.”

Can he do that? Can I do that? Can I just change the blog-reference-name of the man that I’ve been married to for nearly 13 years at the drop of a hat because he doesn’t think the name is cool enough? If I refer to him by a more cleverly thought out moniker, would you guys even know who I was talking about? A weighty decision, for sure.

Naturally I posted the idea on Twitter to see what my friends had to say.

A few of us bantered ideas back and forth for the better part of a day. Since he didn’t want anything generic, my initial suggestion was obvious:

It’s a well known fact. Besides, NanaBread gave full permission to call him TCO for short. Not to be confused with her husband, TCP (The Complete Package.)

Other possiblities:

Sweet Cheeks

Spanks

Mr. Man

TaCO for The (always) Callipygous One

TCO could also mean The Crass One, because he is all that and a bag of chips.

ATaBoC for All That And a Bag of Chips (Or Cupcakes or Chai. Not that you can have a bag of cupcakes or chai, but I love them too.)

The BS’er for The Bacon Slayer (as in the one that brings home the bacon)

The Baconator

How we went from buttocks to bacon, I’ll never know. Nor do I know how we even started on the topic of callipyg…oh, wait. That was me being silly. Suffice it to say that things were steadily spiraling out of control. We figured with all the names we were tossing around like Nerf balls on a windy day, he’d be begging for us to call him Hubby again.

And then Kat, being the forthright one in the crowd, said that she always thinks of Hubby as, well…Hubby. But then she had to go and say that she was feeling The Bacon Slayer. No abbreviations. Just:

The Bacon Slayer.

(Insert ominous music and Monster-Truck-Rally-Announcer voice here)

For what it is worth, The Bacon Slayer also made TCP laugh out loud. So now what inquiring minds (read: I) want to know is:

Should Hubby get a reinvented name on the blog?

If so, what should I call him?

Feel free to shout out your opinions, ideas, and favorites. Or by all means go ahead and throw some new ideas into the hat. Or just give me a little should out in the comments section and tell me to get some more sleep, because clearly I am sleep deprived.

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Comments

Ok this line made me laugh: Obsolescence is a humbling experience. I experience this ona daily basis. Like, I was at one time a Word expert. Apparently as it evolves and gets new bells and whistles, my 3-year-old expertise is no longer.
Also I am scared for my 4 year old router. Sigh.
I like the Bacon Slayer, but I say since Hubby brought it up, he should choose his own name.

First of all, thanks for a great laugh about The Callipygous One.
I have to say, I like The Bacon Slayer. It reminds me of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a random sort of way, which just makes me laugh, also for random reasons. There's just something funny about the word "Slayer."
If you want alliteration, you could go with Deer Dodger, based on his many close calls.
Or, you could do something with the fact that he's fathered four boys. You know, maybe something with the word virile in it? Now, he may not want to "go there," which is completely understandable, but if it were my husband and he had fathered four boys, he would wear that as a badge of honor. And talk about it incessantly.
The Virile Bacon Slayer? ;)

I refer to my man as The Grump to my family and friends (and his coworkers and friends and...pretty much everyone), because he's grumpy. Sometimes TG. To his face I call him Grump or Monsieur Le Grumpe. So it makes sense to call him that online too. So I say just call him what you call him anyway. You blog like we're all friends sitting around a cup of coffee, so be consistent with it. :-D

I am SO glad that you've returned to the internets. I was missing your full-time face in a big way.
I feel like Baby Daddy could always be a good backup plan. It is, if nothing else, completely honest and makes no references to anything other than facts ;)
If all else fails, make Hubby work for his new name. Songs of praise and adoration as well as tangible objects are always welcome as a method of persuasion.

I'm sure you will decide on something perfectly fitting and easy to type! Glad that you are back up and running, thanks to your non-techie Router Wizard of a husband! Hey, there's a blog moniker for him RW....or maybe HOM (short for Hunk o' Man as you describe him as in your about page) or maybe HOH for (Head of Household)...nah...don't like that one... too old fashioned and sexist and implies that you are not a team. Come to think of it HOM and HOH are both pretty sexist too. I give up....looking forward to what you all finally decide :)
ooh...one last thought... HAF (Husband and Friend)

I guess I never really asked Jonathan if he cared if he was named on the blog or not. I think it's way too late to take it back and give him a privacy nickname. *sigh*
There's still hope for you though!
I like:
The Dude
The Stud
Mr. Man
Home home homeboy
and Baby Daddy
I obviously have a lot of really inventive and non-demeaning answers to your problem.

As huge Run DMC fan from back in the Krush Groove days, and also being a sucker for all-things-with-a-funky-beat, I like the sound of Funk Master Squeeze as it resembles Jam Master J (Run DMC's legendary pioneer DJ). Perhaps Funk Master G... or Jam Master Crass (as I tend to err on the side of bawdy at times)...
We'll have to see what Mrs Domestic has to say... ;)

You cant call him Sweet Cheeks. Why you ask? Because thats what G1 calls me. Yep, if you use Sweet Cheeks, I'll initially think you're speaking of me so that will not work.
I do like the Bacon Slayer but I prefer the Baconator. I think it's a position of honor for most men to have Bacon somewhere in their name. In fact, I'll bet some movie star will soon name their kid Bacon. Hopefully not Kevin Bacon. And with that, I obviously have digressed. :)

Hey, Kirsten.... when your enthusiastic delivery man showed up with your router, did he also have a refund check for your seven day 'overnight shipping'? I'd give someone a piece of my mind, but there's so little left. Thrilled to see you back up and running. Funny how being internet impaired can rock our world so thoroughly. I remember when there were no cell phones or laptops or iPads. 'Why back in the day, we walked six miles one way to school barefoot in the snow up a mountain pass and over broken glass.....'

Hilarious…SO funny, and glad to hear you're back!
Have you asked his opinion? I'm just really REALLY curious what name HE would choose, IF given the chance (not that he'll be given the chance, hehe.)
Look forward to hearing.
Aloha!

Random, stream-of-consciousness, possibly-hyphenated, occasionally-italicized musings are my favorite thing! So thanks for that!
As far as the Hubby (yeah, I hate calling mine that, too) I'd be in favor of The Bacon Slayer. I'd feel awkward being reminded of his, um, rump, every time you mentioned him. And I thought you said something about wanting a little privacy on the internet? :) And with any of the "initials" choices, I'd constantly have to stop and try to remember what it stood for. My brain doesn't need that taxing... Just my two cents!

I like the spirit of The Bacon Slayer. So, not only do I bring home the bacon, I guess I rough it up 'til it perishes.... Hmmmm, now that's providing for the family with authority... Or perhaps we could go all Harry Potter and go with He-who-shall-not-be-named---in-the-blog. No, that's a bit too bulky and cumbersome to type I would imagine...
Well, I'm stuck... ;)
Hubby?

I would just call you Voldemort.
Which doesn't feel right, since I don't perceive you as evil or snakelike. And it is quite a lot to type every time you're mentioned. Hwsnbn does look a lot like husband, though. Personally, I like the super hero sound of The Bacon Slayer. I can picture you with a bacon-print cape, standing proudly with your shoulders back, your chest out and your hands on you hips saying, "Have no fear. The Bacon Slayer is here!" (cue the Mighty Mouse theme song....'here I come to save the day....')

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