Sunday, 9 December 2012

Early this morning we heard the news that Dad's Aunty passed away suddenly and unexpectedly last night. My heart goes out to all his family as she is the first one of ten children to pass away. What a tragic and sad time for them. I only met her once or twice, but death always has a big impact on me, whether I know the person well or not.

Death makes me think long and hard about my life, where I'm heading, how I treat the people around me, and if I am spending my time doing the things that really matter. If I died today would I have regrets? Are their words left unsaid that I should have been bold enough to say? Are their people I love who I've become distant from, who I'd want to know how much I care? The answer is of course yes. I can be so ungrateful and it's so easy to get busy with life and forget how precious every single breath and moment is with those we love. Life should never be taken for granted... and neither should those we love.

And then I think about my life and the purpose of it. Am I living each day for the glory of God? Am I ready to meet my Maker? Thankfully I can say absolutely yes to that question, all because of my wonderful Saviour. I rejoice to think that even on a bad day when I mess up so badly, if I was to die, I would be ready... not because I am holy or righteous or doing the right thing at the right moment, but because the cross of Christ is powerful enough to cover all my failures and present me perfect and righteous before God on that day that I go home. Wow.. our God is so powerful.

But still... I want my life to count for Christ. I don't want these years to be wasted. Death reminds me that this is but a journey and one day (who knows how soon it will be!) I will reach my journey's end. This Pilgrim needs to focus on that final home. Below is a poem written by the famous missionary C. T. Studd. I find it very impacting :)

Two little lines I heard one day,Traveling along life’s busy way;
Bringing conviction to my heart, And from my mind would not depart;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Soon will its fleeting hours be done;
Then, in ‘that day’ my Lord to meet, And stand before His Judgement seat;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, the still small voice, Gently pleads for a better choice
Bidding me selfish aims to leave, And to God’s holy will to cleave;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, a few brief years, Each with its burdens, hopes, and fears;
Each with its clays I must fulfill, living for self or in His will;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

When this bright world would tempt me sore, When Satan would a victory score;
When self would seek to have its way, Then help me Lord with joy to say;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Give me Father, a purpose deep, In joy or sorrow Thy word to keep;
Faithful and true what e’er the strife, Pleasing Thee in my daily life;
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Oh let my love with fervor burn, And from the world now let me turn;
Living for Thee, and Thee alone, Bringing Thee pleasure on Thy throne;
Only one life, “twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Only one life, yes only one, Now let me say,”Thy will be done”;
And when at last I’ll hear the call, I know I’ll say “twas worth it all”;
Only one life,’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. ”

Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last. And when I am dying, how happy I’ll be, If the lamp of my life has been burned out for Thee.”

Tuesday, 4 December 2012

This is something I wrote a while ago during a really rough patch. It still has a lot of meaning for me, as I feel stronger than ever that the only way I keep surviving in this World is through Christ being my refuge. Without Christ... I can't survive, simple as that.

The
storm I'm in is a prison. The bars hold me in tightly. Each year the walls get
thicker... each moment the bars gets stronger. I scream, "God hear
me!" but my voice is lost in the raging storm around me. The World is
screaming at me, calling for my attention, pulling me this way and that,
hurling abuse at me, and laughing at my despair. I stumble blindly around in my
cell crying out to God to find me. All I can hear is the voice of the World...
it drowns out and deafens me from hearing His voice. It tells me He doesn't
exist, or even if He does that He has forgotten me. It tells me that He laughs
at my disaster and watches on whilst I slowly go insane. It tells me that I have
gotten myself into this mess and God will never get me out. It tells me that I
am too far gone to be saved. It tells me that I cannot hear God, because He
isn't talking... But still... I will get on my knees. I
will choose to hope. Though I am deafened to His voice, and blinded to His
presence... yet I will believe. I will choose to ignore everything raging
around me and know that in the storm and in the calm He is God. I may not
understand... but that does not change who He is. I cannot hear Him, but that
does not mean He is not speaking. I cannot see or feel Him, but that does not
mean He hasn't been with me through it all. Hope begins to grow inside of me.
Though everything is falling apart around me, yet in Him I have my confidence.
He will keep me safe. In Him I have a refuge even though I see or hear Him
not. I get up with renewed strength. The storm is still
raging and screaming abuse, but I am becoming deafened to its screams. As I
lean upon my Lord, His voice begins to break through not just piercing my ears,
but my heart. I feel hope, I know that in whatever situation.... I have my
refuge. I stand before the bars which have held me captive for so long. I place
my hands on them. They crumble like dust in my hands. I stand in wonder....
after it all the bars were never strong.. the walls were never thick. They were
but dust all along...I look up... the sky is clearing,
the storm is over... I HAVE FOUND MY REFUGE....

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

I'm finding it so hard to concentrate on uni this morning! I've been listening to Christian music all morning and reading an awesome book from Spurgeon and I just want to continue in the things of God!!!

I am finding life to be an amazing journey at the moment. I have had a rough couple of years, but lately I have been able to see for the first time in a while that God has always been in control and so things are starting to make sense. And I am finding that the more I am overwhelmed and captivated by Christ and His amazing love, the less the momentary troubles or battles seem to matter. I have been reminded time and time again lately, that I am a stranger in this World. It is not my home. I am so thankful that God in His amazing grace isn't allowing me to get too comfortable where I am!!

I listened to a song today by Aaron Shust called, "We are free". I have posted the song and lyrics below as they mean a lot to me.

We are more than conquers, we don't have to be afraid
Nothing is as powerful, as His love
Oh the way He gave His Son, to give life to everyone
Not a thing can separate us, from His love
It's the life and the hope that He brings
His forgiveness that leads us to sing

We are free to love, like our God has loved
We are free to give like He gave, We are free from sin
We are free to begin to forgive, as he forgave
We are free

We are living evidence, He restores our innocence
Jesus stands in our defense all for love
It's the grace and the peace that He brings
His forgiveness that leads us to sing

We are free to love, like our God has loved
We are free to give like He gave, We are free from sin
We are free to begin to forgive, as He forgave
We are free, We are free

And now for a Spurgeon quote:

"When sin gets the master of you, when you feel that the law condemns
you, then, even then, as a sinner, to trust Christ, this is the most
daring feat in all the world. The faith which shook down the walls of
Jericho, the faith which raised the dead, the faith which stopped the
mouths of lions, was not greater than that of a poor sinner who dares to
trust the blood and righteousness of Jesus Christ when he is in the
jaws of all his sins."

Friday, 23 November 2012

I long to be beautiful, to feel feminine, attractive and desired.
These are natural God given desires, but how do we channel them? I'm not
proud of the way I search and look for beauty. Too often I spend my
time agonizing over my flaws, hating the healthy body God has blessed me
with, and telling myself over and over how inadequate and undesirable I
am. And according to the World's definition of beauty and femininity
it's true. I am inadequate and undesirable. I don't have the perfect
hourglass body, the flawless face and flowing hair. I rarely get
attention from guys, and I lack the charm and natural grace that
beautiful women have.

But the truth is... I AM
beautiful. But not for the reasons the World says. I am beautiful
because of my Creator. I reflect His image... Yes, God created humans to
reflect the image of God. The Man portrays strength, leadership, and
protection. And yet... the World was not complete with just man. So God
created women to reflect another side of His image. We represent so many
things including love, inner strength, a caring heart, and wait for
it... beauty.

Along the way our beauty has been
tainted. Our hearts no longer portray the perfect beauty and gentle love
of God. So often we use our sensitivity and strength to tear ourselves
and each other down. Women hearts have traded beauty, love, and mercy,
for anger, bitterness, and downright ugliness. No wonder we search far
and wide to fill that need for beauty again.

But... as
Christians we have the answer. It is simply Christ. A heart that has
been captivated and made whole by the love of Jesus once again radiates
such strength and beauty. A beauty that will not fade like our physical
body. When we are captivated by the love of Christ, people will see
nothing but beauty. But it won't be an outward flawed beauty... rather
the radiating and life changing beauty of our Saviour. Yes... when we
radiate the beauty of Christ lives will be changed and we will be able
to truly fill our purpose as women. To touch others and spread the love
of Christ to those who need it so desperately.

This is
the kind of beauty I want and desire. Somehow, I've got side-tracked
along the way. But I want once again to be captivated by the love of
Christ and radiate that kind of beauty to the world around me.Yes, in
Christ... I am beautiful.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Every girl wants to feel that she belongs, is loved, and considered valuable to those around her. I grew up anticipating the day when a guy would notice and pursue me, loving me regardless of all my flaws. Through experiences and little revelations along the way I have learnt somewhat painfully that life isn't like fairy tales, and that a guy can never fill my need to be loved and seen as valuable. But I've also learnt that there is a love, a love which passes anything I can possibly imagine. There is someone who passionately pursues me, and loves me fearlessly despite all my flaws. This love is so beautiful that no matter what guilt and shame I carry or how worthless and unlovable I feel, there is always forgiveness, healing and peace in His arms. In this love, I am truly beautiful, loved, and at peace. Yes, there is such a thing as beautiful, amazing, captivating love. And it is mine... And nothing I can do can separate me from this Love. I cannot run away from it, because this Love will follow me to the depths and the heights. It will pursue me and find me when I need it most. This Love will never let me go. In this Love I am complete.

This song compliments how I feel about this Love so beautifully. It makes me want to cry every time I hear it.

When someone dries your tearsWhen someone wins your heart and says your beautifulWhen you don't know you areAnd all you long to seeIs written on his face Love has come and finally set you freeOn that wedding day

The song posted below is called "When Love Sees You". The song is written from God's perspective talking to His beloved children.

My favourite part of the song:

Tell me your story, show me your wounds
And I’ll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I’ll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

I see what I made in your mother's womb
I see the day I fell in love with you.
I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle, you see the shame
I see the reason I came.

This song is so beautiful. I don't think there's anything more encouraging than the knowledge that our sin, shame, and weakness does not alter our worth in God's eyes or the love, mercy and grace that He gives us day by day. The weaker I am, the more His strength can be shown in me.

I love that through Christ I have no shame, guilt, or even a past that has power to haunt me. I only have a bright future because "He who begun a good work in me will complete it." Sometimes though it's so hard to believe it. It seems to good to be true. The feelings of shame and guilt on top of the pain of the past, can drown out the truth. But the Word of God does not change and Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. I am so thankful that even when all I see is chaos and shame, He is working behind the scenes to shape me into the person He wants me to be.

Blessed are you, as you weep on your knees
With perfume and tears washing over My feet
Blessed are you, beggar, hopeless and blind
Calling for mercy when I'm passing by
Blessed are you, shaking your head
At two tiny fish and some bread
Blessed are you as you tremble and wait
For the first stone thrown at your sinful disgrace

Tell me your story, show me your wounds
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

Blessed are you, walking on waves
To find yourself sinking when you look away
Blessed are you, leper, standing alone,
The fear on their faces, is all that you've known
Blessed are you, lonely widow
Who gave your last shiny coin to Yahweh
Blessed are you with your silver and lies,
Kissing the One who's saving your life

Tell me your story, show me your wounds
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

I see what I made in your mother's womb
I see the day I fell in love with you.
I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle, you see the shame
I see the reason I came

I came for your story, I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees when I see you

Blessed are you, as you weep on your knees
With perfume and tears washing over My feet
Blessed are you, beggar, hopeless and blind
Calling for mercy when I'm passing by
Blessed are you, shaking your head
At two tiny fish and some bread
Blessed are you as you tremble and wait
For the first stone thrown at your sinful disgrace

Tell me your story, show me your wounds
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

Blessed are you, walking on waves
To find yourself sinking when you look away
Blessed are you, leper, standing alone,
The fear on their faces, is all that you've known
Blessed are you, lonely widow
Who gave your last shiny coin to Yahweh
Blessed are you with your silver and lies,
Kissing the One who's saving your life

Tell me your story, show me your wounds
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love looks at you
Hand me the pieces, broken and bruised
And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you

I see what I made in your mother's womb
I see the day I fell in love with you.
I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance
I see My Father's fingerprints
I see your story, I see My name
Written on every beautiful page
You see the struggle, you see the shame
I see the reason I came

I came for your story, I came for your wounds
To show you what Love sees when I see you

Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Look at me missing everything.
When we gonna stop?
When we gonna stop running, running?
Instead of doing nothing;
We gotta do something.

I wanna Look Like Love.
Be more than just enough.
For the hearts that are broken, coming undone.
It's up to you and me, to leave a legacy.
If we're all they ever see.
I wanna look like, look like love.

If I believe there's a Savior.
Is the proof in me?
Is He alive and breathing?
Is He what they'll remember?
Is He what they see?
When they look at me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own problems that I forgot there is a world out there filled with people who are dying physically, spiritually, and emotionally. People whose lives would be changed through little demonstrations of love as simple as a smile or a helping hand. God has given women the precious gift of being able to love and touch people's hearts through the power of our words and actions. Yet, so often we use those words to tear ourselves and others down rather than building each other up.

Do we show and represent Christ to the world around us? I know I don't. When I think of how Jesus loved on earth... He had radical love!! The kind of love where He expected nothing in return. The kind of love which caused Him to suffer and die on the cross for those who nailed Him there... His love knew no limits... no rejection or pain could stop Him from reaching out and changing lives through his love. And then I think about me... I'm so busy protecting myself from getting hurt or rejected again
that I miss all the little opportunities to make a difference.

I want to learn to love like the Master. To have fearless love... to leave the pain and rejection in His hands and spread love, joy, and hope to all those around me. To be His hands and His feet.To use my time on this earth to make a difference. I don't know how to start... but I'm praying the Master would teach me to love fearlessly.

Monday, 19 November 2012

To be honest I've been struggling to keep my head above water lately, and have felt a bit lost and alone. Yesterday though I read Psalm 139 and the verses (7-12) jumped out of the page at me.

"Where
can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go
up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you
are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far
side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand
will hold me fast. If I say, surely the darkness will hide me and the
light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you
the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

Even
in the darkness... He is Lord. He is Master. He is THERE. His
hand is still on me. He HOLDS me fast. Truly nothing can separate me from the love of Christ...
not even the depths. What a promise... I can never go so far that He can
not reach. Never be so hardened that His love can not break through. Never walk so far away, that He won't be right beside me guiding me back on the narrow way. Yes, I feel encouraged today. Even the darkness is as light to our Lord!

I used to love the book 'What Katy did' when I was young. I was fascinated with how she learnt to deal with her suffering. She coped by believing God had placed her in the School of Pain to study and learn important lessons which would help her grow into the person God wanted her to be. Pain is a tough teacher and no student wants to learn from him, but the only way to graduate is by embracing and accepting where you are and learning the lessons you need to learn. There is no way to speed up the learning process, or grow without feeling the pain... yes, unfortunately there is no escape. God never places His children in the School of Pain without a good reason though. He knows what He's doing and He never sends our way more than we can bear.

This makes me think of the passage in Hebrews 12: 5b-13.

"My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all.Moreover,
we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them
for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live!They
disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God
disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.Make level paths for your feet,so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

I hope others find hope today by realizing that the trials we go through do have a purpose. And that the school of pain though unpleasant at the time does produce good fruit. It not only helps us to depend more on the Master, but teaches us how to walk more faithfully in His steps. I've been struggling and failing my classes in the school of pain lately, but I know my Saviour will give me the strength to keep going and learn these important lessons. Once my days on earth are over, I hope to look back and see the big picture and see how it all worked out for good.

Lyrics from "Already there" by Casting Crowns

Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit....

I came across a song today that I used to love. It's called 'While I'm Waiting.'

My favourite bit :)

While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm afraid I haven't been running the race lately- more like crawling along inch by inch. And I haven't been following, trusting, or waiting with patience. Seasons of pain are excruciating, but when on top of that you feel such an absence of God's strength or peace it becomes difficult to a whole new level. I don't feel strong enough to run the race... so I'm praying that God will come and carry me along. I can't make it without Him. I guess if I think about it none of us can... Maybe that's a small part of the reason for this season of pain. I need to let go of my need for control and the pride inside of me that tries to fix things on my own, and let Christ do all the running on my behalf. What can I say??? I'm weak and trembling, yet still clinging onto the Master. After all... what have we apart from Him?

Thursday, 15 November 2012

I don't feel like writing much, but I'll post a song called "Still calls me son" that explains beautifully the way I feel. It amazes me that God still has time for this prodigal child.

I've drug his name through godless places
And I've known shame that no child of his should know
I've seen pain on broken faces
Beyond all thought of hope
I was just too far from home
Still I always wondered when I closed my eyes

After all I've done
Could he run to me?
Would he kiss my face?
Could he even look at me?
After where I've been
should he take me back?
I would understand
I've disgraced him
But it would be amazing
If he still calls me son

Thursday, 1 November 2012

A passage from the old Christian classic 'Pilgrims Progress' has been playing over and over in my mind today. I'll re-tell it in Jess' paraphrase :)

Christian has left his old sinful lifestyle in the City of Destruction and is currently on his journey to the Celestial City (Heaven). On his journey he has stopped at the House of the Interpreter. In this house, he looks through each room and has all kinds of revelations, which are designed to encourage and instruct him as he continues on in his journey. After learning and hearing so much wisdom, he walks outside in the sunshine, and here awaits another lesson for him to learn. In front of him is the most beautiful palace with jewels and precious stones adorning it's walls, sparking in the beautiful sunshine. There are people walking back and forth on the roof singing praises to God and rejoicing in His goodness. Inside the palace, there is constant singing, children laughing, and the most beautiful gardens and streets. Around this beautiful palace, is a moat with a drawbridge leading up to a spacious lawn, where the big and powerful gate stands tall, designed to keep outsiders out. Beside this moat stands a crowd of men gazing in longing at the beautiful palace. Another man sits patiently a table with a pen and paper. From time to time he looks up and urges the men to take courage and enter the beautiful kingdom. Yet... all the men still hesitate...

Christian gazes and takes in this beautiful, yet confusing scene, and then turns and asks the interpreter why the men wait to enter the beautiful palace. The interpreter pointed without saying a word towards to the spacious lawn. There on the lawn, stand knights dressed in full armour, looking extremely tall and menacing, full of fierce and vicious determination. There charge is to keep anyone from getting in the palace without a long hard struggle. As Christian realizes what has happened, he starts to weep. He feels the agony of the men; to be so close to the beautiful palace, and yet so very very far. However, as he watches, a young man comes forward and puts his mark on the paper, and declares that he will face the knights and is willing to fight for the opportunity to get into the palace. Christian watches in horror as the small man with his cheap and flimsy amour, walks forward towards the menacing fierce giants. He turns to the interpreter and asks what is the purpose of this man fighting all alone against such unbelievable odds??? The interpreter just smiles and tells him that he does not fight alone and to keep watching. The small man filled with courage fights hard with the giants... Although he receives injuries along the way, each time he strikes the giants they get weaker and weaker. Christian watches in astonishment... it finally dawns on him that these supposed 'giants' are but paper giants, imposters who never have any hope of even winning a single battle. The man finally succeeds and walks through the gates of the palace to be welcomed in to the beauty and all the joy within.

This beautiful allegory is rich and has so many important lessons. What impacts me the most, is that so often the battles we avoid, or the things that hold us captive for so long, have absolutely NO power over us. They are but paper giants.

In my own life, I have found that fears I have, or supposed chains that have held me captive, only have a hold on me when I allow them to! When I finally face my issues, in God's strength... they fade away in the background. In Christ, all the battles we face, are but paper giants, simple imposters. Remember Christ has already won the battle, the victory is already ours!!

Monday, 29 October 2012

There are days where I feel like the weight of the World will suffocate me. Times when I find it so hard to do the simplest of things. Moments when I feel like I will never be happy again. And yet, at the same time, I feel terribly guilty. Guilty that someone who has been given so much, could appreciate so little. Ashamed that I struggle with the simplest of things, when others are going through traumatic experiences and dealing with it with perfect childlike trust in God.

But oh...I am so thankful that God sees far beyond my sins and failures, to the person He is creating and shaping me to be! Hebrews 10:14 says, "because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy. " This verse gives me so much hope! I have already been made perfect because of Christ, and yet here on earth He is still shaping and creating me into the person He wants me to be!

Yes, there are so many reasons to rejoice! In Christ I am more than a conqueror and nothing can ever separate me from His love. (Romans 8:37-39) I have full assurance that my precious Saviour does not change, but remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) I am secure in Him and know that He will keep me from harm and protect me. (Psalm 121) In Him, I have a refuge and a fortress from the storms of life. (Psalm 91:2)

Rather than God being disappointed with me for being depressed and ungrateful, He longs for me to come and find refuge in the only arms where I will find true rest. His call remains the same, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

What a fellowship, what a joy divine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way,
Leaning on the everlasting arms;
Oh, how bright the path grows from day to day,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarm.
Leaning, leaning, on the everlasting arms!

Sunday, 28 October 2012

Each day I wake up, I have a choice. A choice to start my day with God first, reading His Word, and praying that my day would be used for His glory. Or I can wake up and get overwhelmed by the storms I have to face and forget to cry out to Jesus.

I used to think it wasn't all that important to start the day with a quiet time. I thought as long as I fit it in somewhere it was fine. But now I realize why it is so important. It focuses our minds (that so quickly wander) on the ONLY thing that really matters in this World... God. It helps us to think and acknowledge His sovereignty in our lives and realize that we MUST depend on Him to get through the day and glorify Him!

And then throughout the day, I keep having little choices. Choices to see things that happen in my life from a 'God' perspective or a human perspective. Looking through my human lens, I get overwhelmed very easily. For example, the car that is going so slow in front of me, my favourite cup breaking on the ground, that very ugly red breakout on my face, or the assignment results that get me down, can ruin my day and make me so frustrated. But... when I look through my 'God' lens, and acknowledge that He plans, uses, and is involved in EVERYTHING that happens in my life, and will make it work out for good, all these things start to loose their hold on me. Instead of letting life get me down, I can turn to God time and time again and say, "I don't know what your plan is in this situation, but I trust you to work it out!" All those things, like worry, anger, and frustration, that we feel when life doesn't work out the way we want, starts to become unimportant when we KNOW beyond any doubt that GOD is in complete control. There is such joy and peace in knowing that in Christ we are more than conquerers!

Every moment we have the choice to acknowledge God as Sovereign and trust Him to work it out, or we can wallow in our own misery or self pity. The choice is ours. So what will we do? To trust or not to trust???

Monday, 22 October 2012

I just hate this companion of mine. He crept up on me very slowly, and I never even realized we were friends until.... I realized that he was totally apart of all my life! The name of this friend\enemy is Worry. The worst thing about him is that he completely takes away all my joy and
happiness for today, my hope for tomorrow, and instead replaces it with fear
and self-doubt.

I never really felt worry was a sin until I read a chapter from Jerry Bridges book, "Respectable Sins." In this particular chapter, Bridges says that the opposite of trusting God is worry or anxiety. Bridges also goes on to say that anxiety is sin because "it is a lack of acceptance of God's providence in our lives." I guess this is true, because when I'm not trusting in God, who am I trusting in? Usually myself unfortunately; not a very reliable source of strength!

This reminds me of the old allegory of 'who's driving your car'. As a Christian, I try to relax and let God have the driver's seat. However, so often when I see cars coming my way or hazards in the middle of the road, I find that before I even realize it, I've thrown myself on the wheel, and am yanking and pulling with all my might!!

However, I do believe everyone gets worried from time to time and that is not necessarily sin, but what do we do when we are worried? The Bible says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6). Do we go to God with our worry and trust Him to make, "all things work together for good" (Romans 8:28) or do we look to other things to cope with our worry?

A song that has really impacted me in my quest to fight Worry is "Come to the Well" by Casting Crowns. When I saw them live last year, I got to see the video clip of the 'story' behind the song. (If you haven't seen it, I recommend you go right now and you tube it! It's really great.) In this clip, Mark Hall talks about the woman at the well, and Jesus' claim that those who drink His water will never thirst again. So often though, instead of drinking out of THE Well of life, we drink from other wells; and the thing is... all though these wells offer great promises, we always finish drinking and yet still feel thirsty. The only way to find rest is to drink from THE Well.

Unfortunately, I often forget to go to God with my worry. For example, like today... I must say I've been a jolly good host to this friend\enemy!! I've entertained him all day and worried constantly about one thing or other. It's not even been anything really important, just my typical worries like, will I fail this next assignment, why did I ever bother starting uni if I'm not intelligent enough to finish it, I don't have many friends because I'm so unfriendly.... bla bla bla.

Oh, and the 'wells' I go to always leave me feeling thirstier than ever. Most often I go to depressing music, (which just makes me worried AND depressed) junk food, tv, movies, yeup the works, pretty much just junk food spiritually and physically!

I'm just so thankful that we have a loving and patient God who gently (and sometimes when we are extra stubborn, not so gently!) reminds us which Well we should be drinking from, and who should be in charge in the drivers seat. We serve a wonderful God!

Saturday, 20 October 2012

So, I decided to start a blog :D I have found the last couple of years that the easiest way to sort out my thoughts is to write! I write in a journal at least once (if not multiple times a day!) and I thought I might share with others some of my thoughts that are not too personal.

One thing I am realizing more and more is that I don't need to understand everything that is going on in my life to follow and trust God. In fact, it really isn't necessary for me to understand, but it is VITAL that I trust. A verse which has really impacted me in this is John 21:22. It says, "Jesus answered, ""if I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."" I have found that the second half of this verse jumps out at me every time I read it. I often wonder why life turns out the way it does, and it puzzles me how all the suffering and pain that I, and others have gone through, somehow fits into the big picture. But the fact is, I don't need to understand. God is sovereign and all things are used for His ultimate glory. All that matters is that I obediently follow God down the path He has for me.

Because of the impact this verse has had on my life, and how at this time I feel stronger than ever my need to follow and trust God, whatever journey He takes me on, I decided to use it as the name of my blog.

About Me

My name is Jess. I'm a daughter of the King, studying education and training to be a therapist for children with autism. I have many passions, but my heart is reserved for one. I am more in love with my Saviour everyday!