Fixation on Future Outcomes

It has been strange to see so many people grappling with the same mental health challenges I’ve faced my entire life. But we are all grieving on micro and macro levels these days. What I’m feeling most acutely, other than anxiety, is anticipatory grief. My son was slated to participate in a summer internship program. He was scheduled to attend a big mentoring session the other night, with practice job interviews. I was slated to be on an AIGA panel today to discuss and review portfolios with a group of young designers. And had been looking forward to that.

My son misses his job. He had been enjoying the work. And I found out too late that he was allowed to take home a cookie after every shift but never did, because he’s still a strict vegan. Hey now. Mom’s a bit more flexible these days. I would have eaten those danged cookies! But I never even got to sample one of them. A minor quibble in the grand scheme of things. And we’ve been doing plenty of baking and cooking while social distancing. Minnesota’s official “stay at home” order went into effect Friday. But it seems like every other state has another name for it. Wisconsin is calling it “safer in place” and San Francisco called it “shelter in place.” Whatever you want to call it, we’re staying home. And it’s looking like it will be for the long haul. This pandemic is getting out of control thanks to a combo of this nation’s individualism, a broken healthcare system, and a federal government that is not looking out for its citizens.

Yesterday I got a free trial of Acorn TV and binge watched six hours of Ms. Fisher’s Modern Murder Mysteries. A most enjoyable spinoff, especially if you were a fan of the original show. I had intended to be more productive with my Saturday but it really doesn’t matter all that much.

We’ve made nearly every meal at home since we began social distancing. I splurged on delivery from our favorite Vietnamese restaurant, and we’ve gotten Pizza Luce and Glam Doll Donuts as well (my son’s favorites). I’ve been feeling anxious about the safety of takeout and all grocery delivery, but this article made me feel a little better.