Friday, November 30, 2012

Inadequate.

Street Art. SLC, November 2012.

I felt in a funk all day yesterday. And that funk is still lingering a tiny bit today. I just had this nagging sense of inadequacy that I couldn't seem to shake. Inadequate as a homemaker, a blogger, a photographer, a cook. And I felt really inadequate as Alice's mom. A good night's sleep helped put things into perspective just a bit and I now have an idea where those feelings of inadequacy and sense of sadness stem from.

Last week I stopped breastfeeding Alice as her interest was waning and my supply was dwindling. And now I think my body is missing those feel-good breastfeeding hormones it had gotten so used over the last 8 months. I'd read a bit about depression with weaning here and here so I sort of knew I'd feel a bit down. What I didn't expect, though, were the feelings of Alice not needing me anymore. Feeling that she doesn't even really like me all that much! It sounds so dramatic and so irrational saying that now but it didn't feel that way as those thoughts went through my head yesterday.

In the light of a new day and after a few cups of coffee, I feel much better and those feelings of inadequacy have mostly faded.

Alice does need me! And she does like me! At least until her teenage years, anyway.

8 comments:

Oh boy is that a hard one. It's such a giant transition and can be very emotional, but eventually you get back into the groove and enjoy the occasional turtleneck dress. Those hormones are serious business, go easy on yourself!

So sorry you are feeling down. This soon shall pass. You are very much needed by your little one and husband. Get some exercise and some much needed sleep. You'll feel much better. We love you and miss you "3". xoxo

oh mama. i know what you mean.those hormones are brutal and our relationships certainly change w our little ones when nursing is no longer in the equation.but trust that this is the natural chain of events. and, yes, she will exercise her independence more and more but you will always be her mama. and what a gift you can give her: to raise her as a strong, confident, young lady!

I went through the same thing with my first two, and I think I'm delaying weaning because I dread going through it with him, too!

I think what was really shocking for me at first was the feeling that I was no longer needed. My boys are super active and nursing them was the only time they would sit and snuggle me. Especially with this last one. But be assured... a couple months after completely weaning, they came back to me! Needing hugs, snuggles, kisses, and tickles even more to fill that nursing gap. Alice does need you! Plus, I start to feel a little, oh, sexier? once I am no longer breastfeeding! :)

Big mommy hugs! Your baby girl does need you and I know that because my 18 month and 3 year old girls need me! You are going to have days that you feel horrible as a mother, wife, whatever, and they will pass. We all have days where something happens (whether you choose to stop nursing or you turn your back and the baby falls, or you leave her with someone and she gets hurt, or she just cries for hours and you don't know how to soothe her. Babies are resilient little people and have an amazing ability to bring us endless joy and expose all our weaknesses at the same time. But remember you are an AMAZING mom!

I am 28 years old and I still need my mom, so no worries. Alices' need their mommies their whole lives!