You Are Dumb, which is not a blog, posts new columns every weekday, except for most Tuesdays and the occasional fuckbotch. It is also a Twitter feed, @youaredumb, with content in a similar vein but much shorter. For a take on what a blog by me would be like, check out OLDNERD.

I hate to pound away at this Trojan Horse until it's reduced to its component atoms. Even I think three evolution columns out of the last four is a bit much. But CBS News did a poll the other day, and as much as I hate polls during election cycles, for the way they're used and abused by the media, if this poll's even close to true, then we're in deep coprolite, and all the Spaghetti Monster fantasies in the world won't keep your head above the rising tide of shit.

FIFTY ONE PERCENT OF AMERICANS REJECT EVOLUTION.

Now, as with any poll, we need to look at the numbers and the methodology to determine our actual terror level. First, the numbers. CBS asked 808 people, so the margin of error is plus or minus four percent. So it could be as low as forty seven percent rejecting evolution. That... doesn't really ease my mind.

Second, you always have to wonder how they word the question. Maybe they were unclear in some way. Maybe people were confused. No luck there. People were given three options, and asked to choose one: God created humans in their present form, humans evolved with God guiding the process, or humans evolved with no involvement from God. The numbers were 51%, 30%, and 15% respectively.

You see what that means? This wasn't a straight-up fight between warm, fuzzy religion and cold, hard, puppy-raping atheism. The godly who wanted to allow for rational science had an out, and only thirty percent took it. The vast majority still rejected Beelzedarwin in all his deceptive forms.

We atheists always knew we were outnumbered. It's you reasonable faith-based types that should be peeing yourselves right now. The whole "maybe God actually created the universe billions of years ago" thing ain't getting any traction. The literalists have you by nearly a 2:1 ratio. That's bad odds in politics, religion, and Risk.

But is this enough to label America, once again, a nation of pigfuckers? No. Not until you add in the following factoid, coutresy CBS. ACTUAL QUOTE TIME!

"The results were not much different between the answers to that question and those given when a specific timeline was included in the final alternative: God created human beings in their present form within the last 10,000 years."

So CBS called eight hundred people at random, and between three and four hundred of them believe in full-on, young-earth, seven-day, Genesis, apple-and-snake creationism. And since there's onthing to indicate they only called Tennessee area codes, optimism is not the watchword of the day.

The only possible source of good news is that the numbers were a little bit worse a year ago. But it was also well within the margin of error, so don't go running down the street naked, sparklers in your hands and ass-crack, pirouetting giddily as you shout "America's getting smarter! America's getting smarter!" Because you'll probably be making a fool of yourself.

Not as big a fool as half your countrymen, who make me seriously question the usefulness of the evolutionary process that managed to produce a hundred and twenty five million myth-humping morons, but still pretty damn foolish.

That's the real problem with modern Darwinism. It's not the holes in the fossil record, it's that it's too much theory, not enough APPLIED THEORY.