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Sunday, March 20, 2011

As requested by a friend of mine, an oldie but a goodie, one of the original Creepy McCreepertons! My friends just LOVE hearing all of the unfortunate stories that I have collected over the years. At times, I am annoyed that I haven't found just a normal guy to hold hands, make out with, and date. Then again, all of the McCreepertons of D/FW will no doubt make that certain Mr. Right shine that much brighter. And I'm never at a loss for stories to entertain company.

Here goes....

Once upon a time, a fair young lady entrusted that an acquaintance known by herself and many across the land from a land far far away...Mesquite. This fair young lady and this certain gentleman, a term I use loosely in this case, reconnected and agreed upon a time to meet up for libations and laughter. Being the trusting fair lady that she is, she decided to not only trust him, but let the young man sweep her away. Much to her surprise, the next day she is met with a disasterous and shocking email from another fair young lady claiming to be a current fiancee of the gentleman.

Just for the benefit of the doubt and to make sure stories are straight, the fair maiden confronted the young gentleman about this encounter.

He sighed. "She is an ex-girlfriend who is upset that I broke up with her...this WEEKEND." It's Tuesday in the fair land, readers of Froggerdom.

"An ex-girlfriend? A relationship that ended over the weekend? Are you sure that you are ready to begin another relationship as you've communicated?"

"Why yes. It took a long time to end."

Um, I imagine. "It's over is a lot to say and takes up quite a bit of quality drinking time," the fair young maiden thinks to herself.

Deciding to be fair and again extend an olive branch, the fair maiden of pure intention offers up another opportunity for redemption.

In an act of what can only be known as pure idiocracy and assholeness; the young gentleman invites the fair maiden over for a candlelight dinner and conversation. A date for the books! But wait, listen...a knock at the door?

Why who could that be? A neighbor in need of a cup of sugar?

Just in case this neighbor decides to get rowdy he instructs the fair maiden to hide away in a bathroom sans lights or noise. Interesting, she thinks!

Alas, a female neighbor! No doubt questioning the situation at hand, as is the fair maiden hidden away in the dark, dungeonous bathroom. When all of a sudden, the "female neighbor" bursts open the door with as much surprise as the hidden fair maiden.

In anticipation of a Jerry Springer style b-slap to the face, she sweetly says "Hi, and answers all of the visitor's questions."

The "visitor" is the same emailer! The ex-fiancee, or shall we say current? Who knows? The fair maiden wasn't sticking around to figure it all out. Being a fair maiden, she is not one to engage in physical violence or even Springer-ish vocal smackdowns.

Through the barrage of unanswered calls and lengthy, unheard voicemails; she decides not to shed a tear and chalk that one up to experience! So long, Deceitful Liar Frog!

**********

Can you believe it? I was locked in a dark bathroom while a "former girlfriend" busts in! I was mortified! Thank God the woman chose not to punch me! She must've known that guy so well to know that I was probably told otherwise. To this day, he stands by the story that she was, in fact, an ex. Who knows? I could care less. Any man that is going to put someone in that position is not worth the sand under his fingernails. That doesn't really make sense. Worthless! Worthless as a man, father, suitor, and general human being. There was SO much respect lacking for all the involved parties, that I couldn't stand it. And as I drove away singing a song by a woman who shares my birthday, "No I'm not gonna' cry. I'm not gonna' cry. I'm not gonna' cry no tears. I'm not gonna' cry cause he's not worth my tears." Mary J. Blige! Such wisdom! Such insight! As a woman who's been known to cry at Kleenex commercials, that took quite a bit of strength. Lord knows where it came from, but it came.

I hope you enjoyed the story as much as my friends do hearing it. And if you're ever that chick locked in a dark bathroom, don't be quiet. Open the door and sprint out as quick as possisble. Or...don't get locked in a bathroom at all.