McAvocado Toast Last Nail in Gentrification Coffin

With the recent announcement of a new line of artisan toasts, fast food giant McDonald's has been recognized as officially completing the gentrification process of University City and its surrounding neighborhoods. The manager of the franchise described the accomplishment as “McGreat for the community.”

“It’s been very rewarding for us to help McGentrify West Philadelphia,” they said. “While unfortunate for the McLocals who have had to vacate their properties, continued development will enrich the area we call home.”

The new McAvocado Toast will be available as part of the new “4 for 4” deal, in which customers will receive four slices of avocado for only $400. Penn students are excited about the new offerings, especially about McDonald’s decision to transform the bus stop in front of their store to a miniature Soul Cycle.

“Buses are bad for the environment and people’s health,” said College sophomore Kelly Freeman. “The Soul Cycle will inspire the local community to adopt more modern means of transportation,” she said, apparently unaware of her contribution to the increasing degree of financial inequality in America.

The artisan toasts will be available next week, and the first 50 customers will receive a free notice of rent increase.