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Good news! My RP is almost 60% complete and a few events have been added to. If anyone wants to help with it, please send me a PM. Also if someone wants to the Co-GM, you are most welcome; I really love the cruel way Vato and Torn deal with SUs and pokémon captures.. I need you guys

Name: (Self-explanatory) Nathan Lee
Age: (13-18) 14
Gender: (Male/Female) male
Appearance: (What your character looks like) light blue and long hair, quite scraggy and messed up. His complexion is young and has a few freckles. He wears a black t-shirt, with a purple fleecy, and bright blue chinos, along with white trainers.
Personality: (How your character acts) He believes that all life has meaning to it, wether its a bad person, and no-one should suffer. He looks up to Team G(something sorry) as he feels like they could stop suffering, even if it does cost a few lives. Nathan is cool headed and calm in rough situations, he wants to prove to the world that he is more than just 'Nathan'
History: (Your character’s back story, tell us about how they grew up and where, things they’ve experienced etc.) Nath never had any friends and was often bullied. He grew up with a good family which unfortunately died due to a pack of wild mighteyena's. He has ever since been afraid of them. He was taken to Littleroot town and was adopted by Mr Corosska, a nice man, but Nath was allways hesitant to get to know him. He has had a tough life.

Hereto, you're still fighting Brotad! I left you a VM with the most recent Brotad response. :3

Quote originally posted by Crimson0191:

Name: (Self-explanatory) Nathan Lee
Age: (13-18) 14
Gender: (Male/Female) male
Appearance: (What your character looks like) light blue and long hair, quite scraggy and messed up. His complexion is young and has a few freckles. He wears a black t-shirt, with a purple fleecy, and bright blue chinos, along with white trainers.
Personality: (How your character acts) He believes that all life has meaning to it, wether its a bad person, and no-one should suffer. He looks up to Team G(something sorry) as he feels like they could stop suffering, even if it does cost a few lives. Nathan is cool headed and calm in rough situations, he wants to prove to the world that he is more than just 'Nathan'
History: (Your character’s back story, tell us about how they grew up and where, things they’ve experienced etc.) Nath never had any friends and was often bullied. He grew up with a good family which unfortunately died due to a pack of wild mighteyena's. He has ever since been afraid of them. He was taken to Littleroot town and was adopted by Mr Corosska, a nice man, but Nath was allways hesitant to get to know him. He has had a tough life.

... Yeah, no. Sorry, but you really have to knock it up a few notches for it to be acceptable. You even somehow forgot Team Gaia's name; it's four letters long! If you're using this SU or this SU as an example of what you should try to achieve, please don't.

This SU, however, is a good example of the minimum we're looking for. Also, separated categories.

The appearance is extremely bare. I don't even have the slightest visual of what he's supposed to look like. All I can see right now is a stick figure with anime hair.

I see the history now, and it's completely incongruent with the personality. If he never had friends, and was bullied on a regular basis, and his PARENTS. DIED, why in the world does he have such a /positive/ outlook? If wild Pokémon are what killed his parents, why would he even want one? Just... just no, okay?

I'm sorry, but you'll have to change this SU quite a lot. I honestly don't doubt that you can do it — I think you really can put out a well-made character (that doesn't contradict itself so blatantly) — but as it is now, it's far from being accepted.

I'd also like to suggest that you get a proofreader. If you don't have Microsoft Word, LibreOffice is an absolutely wonderful free alternative.

I didn't really think of most of the things you said :/ Ill remake the Su and repost it in about 30 minutes

Name: (Self-explanatory) Nathan Lee

Age: (13-18) 14

Gender: (Male/Female) male

Appearance: (What your character looks like) light blue and long hair, quite scraggy and messed up. His complexion is young and has a few freckles. He wears a black t-shirt, with a purple fleecy, and bright blue chinos, along with white trainers. He is thin at a glance, but he has some body fat that sticks out forwards, which he can feel ashamed of, but it's hardly noticed at all. He is quite tall for a 14 year old and fits into medium size mens clothes.

Personality: (How your character acts) He believes that his life has meaning to it, wether he is a bad person, Nath doesn't want to suffer anymore. He looks up to Team G(something sorry) as he feels like they could stop him from suffering, even if it does cost a few lives. Nathan is cool headed and calm in rough situations, he wants to prove to the world that he is more than just 'Nathan' Nath knows that overeacting can get him into trouble, so he tries to hide his past by pretending to be someone he is not. He can sometimes be scared by larger pokémon but he can withstand small ones, although he hates pokémon battling. He doesn't care much for other people very much, as he has no family or friends. He often cries in private to let is emotions go, but he hates letting other people see his emotion. He doesn't even show anger, but fear can easily control him.

History: (Your character’s back story, tell us about how they grew up and where, things they’ve experienced etc.) Nath never had any friends and was often bullied. He grew up with a good family which unfortunately died due to a pack of wild mighteyena's. He has ever since been afraid of large pokémon. He was taken to Littleroot town and was adopted by Mr Corosska, a nice man, but Nath was allways hesitant to get to know him. He has had a tough life. He has only ever battled once, which was when he was getting mugged and a wild combusken offered to help. Ever since that, he understood that not all pokémon are bad, meaning that he could withstand some of the pokémon he may encounter.

The appearance is still vague to the point that it's annoying. First off, he's 14, so of course he's going to look young. What does a "young complexion" make him look like? A five year old? There are no real defining characteristics here, (still) nothing to make even the slightest picture of what he actually looks like; all I've got out of it is "thin, tall and anime hair". He apparently doesn't have eyes, either. Might want to deal with that.

I'll skip the personality for now, because that was just painful to look at.

Lastly, what is up with his background? Where did he grow up? Why was he bullied? The total lack of the Five Ws (Google this if you actually don't know) you seem prone to not using makes this (and much of the history in general) completely redundant. Okay, so his parents were "killed" by wild Mightyena; more lack of explanation. Were they provoked? Did a pack just randomly fly into a brutal rage and wipe out everyone in his family EXCEPT Nathan? Also, why isn't Nathan dead, too? I've seen this "their family got killed" situation with a lot of sign-ups — it's not just you, really, so please don't feel like I'm hating on you or anything — and it's always total BS because their character, for some never-explained reason, is so "special" that the Pokémon/person/thing that killed their family /didn't/ kill them, too.

I'll reiterate, since he seems to have been transported to a completely different town after getting orphaned, but where did he grow up in the first place? When did all this happen? Who the hell is Mr. Corosska? (Can't just say "nice old man"?) Why was he getting mugged if he lived in such a small town filled with consistently kind people? Where did a totally random wild Combusken come from during said mugging? Why did it offer to help a kid that's supposed to be absolutely terrified of it?

I hope I don't need to explain again that this isn't a rejection, but there are serious problems that need to be taken care of before it can get accepted. (OrangeNess revised his about 5-6 times, but he still got accepted.)

Tornzero's words said a bit nicer.
Drop that family murder nonsense,
It overdone and has an overused preasence
Mighteyenas don't murder
So put that to the burner

Replace the murder with family
A bright child is better
Don't you agree?

Instead of fearing Pokemon
Because of a tragic demon
Have him fear evil
I have nothing that rhymes with evil

Oh and rhymes aside
You should decide
Whether you want people to die
And a young lad to cry

Okay seriously I'm done, I was just overrun with rhymes because I have to much time. Why don't you leave the parents alive, I mean why have a bright personality guy with an out of place background. (When your parents die, I doubt you, or anyone, would be mr Sunshine)

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