I saw Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Scarlett Johansson singing Yes We Can in that video. (Uh-huh, that worked for you, didn’t it?) But I did not see John McCain singing “Yes We Can drill everywhere.” So now does “all of the above” mean “Yes We Can…..do any crazy stuff that anybody wants to do?” Sweet! Par-tay, America!

Dad, c’mon, this is your guy, the guy whose freaky blue and red image you plastered all over the fridge and the bathroom walls. Wasn’t he supposed to get serious about dealing with climate change (finally!). Were y’all just smokin’ Hope?

BTW Pops, how’s your memory holding out? Because Mr. All-of-the-above used to be the guy who was going to deliver “the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal.” His opponents mock him relentlessly for saying this. Liberal “realists” say it was “extravagant,” “high-flying,” “over-reach.”

And Daaad, don’t even start in with me about how we have to be patient now and just hold our noses while he says whatever he has to say to get re-elected. You and all your Politico-heads think you’re sooooo savvy but you’re pathetic; you actually believe you “win” when your candidate gets more votes by adopting the opponent’s position! Dad, for real, if you bake my planet, do you think I’ll be consoled by the thought that the political alternative might have baked it a little faster? Geez, if you’re gonna toast us, might as well just do it fast and crispy. (Oh, and yeah dog, don’t bother trying to get me to ride a bike the next time I ask for the car keys.)