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From Bat Mitzvahs to First Communions, NY families are readjusting rites of passage

While Charlotte Coker planned to hold her Bat Mitzvah and celebration on May 23, 2020, the COVID-19 crisis has forced her to cancel her party. Whether or not she will hold her ceremony in the Temple, or at home, is unclear.
Wochit

For about five years, Charlotte Coker has attended Hebrew School three times a week at Temple Concord in Binghamton. A 13-year-old seventh-grader at Vestal Middle School, Charlotte studied Hebrew, learned music and memorized passages of the Torah with the expectation that the years of hard work would conclude in a Bat Mitzvah.

The date for that special rite of passage had been set: May 23, 2020.

“You become an adult in the eyes of the Jewish community,” Charlotte said.

About 180 people were invited to the event, with some traveling as far as Arizona, Florida and Wisconsin. The ceremony was to be followed by a party in in Temple Concord's social hall. A block of hotel rooms had been reserved, and a DJ, caterer and ice cream truck were booked.

Apalachin resident Charlotte Coker pauses during a Hebrew class with Orly Shoer, director of the religious school at Temple Concord. Charlotte will become a bat mitzvah in May, though the day has been reimagined due to restrictions imposed by the public health crisis.(Photo: Provided)

But as large events have been canceled to curb the spread of COVID-19, it's become clear Charlotte's party is not going to happen.

A case of purple yarmulkes bearing her name and Bat Mitzvah date sit in the family's Apalachin home, along with socks purchased for guests to wear while dancing.

"You have in your head as a parent, kind of a mental image, that of all of this study, and all of these hours, and all of this driving, and all of this homework and work is going to lead up to this big day,” Charlotte's mother, Rachel, said over a Zoom call.

While Charlotte has continued to attend Hebrew school through virtual classes — in the hopes she can conduct the ceremony privately inside Temple Concord and then broadcast it to friends and family through Zoom — exactly how Charlotte's Bat Mitzvah is going to appear is still unclear. Will she even be allowed to be with her Rabbi in the sanctuary that day?

Maybe they'll mail the yarmulkes to family members to wear on Charlotte's big day. Perhaps they'll hold a party in the future?

"We’re thinking of other types of projects and other ways we can both celebrate the day for our family, but maybe also find ways to do something nice for the community," Rachel said.

In mid-March, Gov. Andrew Cuomo's New York State on PAUSE plan forced the closing of houses of worship, requiring them to cancel, postpone or find alternatives to religious ceremonies and events. This has coincided with a busy season for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, communions, confirmations and other rites of passage.

Like Charlotte, families are forced to wait even longer for those special moments, or get creative and find alternatives. In Vestal, 13-year-old Zev Rosales held his Bar Mitzvah in his home on April 19, while 100 or so friends, family and community members watched over Zoom.

But in the Catholic Church, confirmations and communions have been put on hold for the time being.

"Unfortunately there are many things in both parish in diocesan life that remain in limbo, and they may do so for a while depending on the status of the pandemic," Douglas Lucia, Bishop of Syracuse, said in a letter to the diocese on Tuesday. "This can be a great source of frustration for you and me, but I have seen many blessings coming from our trials and tribulations."

Confirmations and communions on pause

In his letter issued to members of the Syracuse Diocese, Lucia said some events may be re-scheduled, or may not happen this year. The dates of First Communion and Confirmation celebrations will hinge on rules regarding public gatherings.

In his letter, Lucia said he is working with local civil and health authorities to find ways Holy Mass and the Sacrament of Penance can be celebrated publicly.

"As a first step, I am asking our parish priests to look at the seating capacity of their church buildings using the formula for social distancing," he said.

Lucia is also exploring the possibility of conducting outdoor mass, with participants remaining in their cars, at churches with large parking lots. This would be an "interim measure if not permitted to gather in our church buildings," he said.

On Thursday, Chemung County set guidelines allowing for parking lot church services, which must include separation of cars, and a stipulation that congregants must remain in their cars and can't sit in the beds of pickup trucks.

Churches are now left deciding whether to postpone these ceremonies, or find alternatives to the traditional sacraments.

Coincidentally, and unrelated to the coronavirus, the Confirmation ceremony for high school students at Our Lady of Sorrows Church in Vestal was not planned for 2020, but instead scheduled the event for 2021.

OLS had scheduled First Communion for the first weekend of May, but instead Pastor John Donovan plans to hold a few communions at each mass for a few weeks once churches re-open.

"The guidelines may require us to limit the number of people coming to any one Mass," Donovan said in an email. "Therefore, we and several other parishes may have to add additional Masses so all can attend any given weekend."

At St. James Church in Johnson City, Confirmation was scheduled for April 19, and First Communion for May 2.

"Unfortunately, it is impossible to know at this point when gatherings will be allowed again and what restrictions may be imposed on public gatherings, once allowed," a spokesperson for the church said in an email.

A Bar Mitzvah goes virtual

The Rosales family had big plans for Zev's Bar Mitzvah.

They had a whole weekend of plans beginning April 18: A dinner Friday evening, lunch at the synagogue Saturday afternoon and a formal dinner that evening at the Binghamton Club. They'd treat travelers to brunch the next day.

"It was going to be a big bang," said Zev's mother, Cherese Rosales. "It's like a wedding."

Zev's father is from Brazil, so loved ones from across the globe were planning to attend the festivities, which were canceled. The family first hoped to do a service in the synagogue, open only to family members, but soon learned that would not be possible.

For Zev, not having a large Bar Mitzvah was a relief. He was nervous to stand in front of 100 or so people, so it was less intimidating to do his ceremony over Zoom.

"I felt like my heart was beating slower than it would if I was on the stage in front of everyone and doing everything on the same day," he said. "And I feel like with that, the reward of finishing it is smaller."

Friends and family of Zev Rosales, of Vestal, watched his Bar Mitzvah through Zoom the weekend of April 18-19.(Photo: Provided)

Bar Mitzvahs are tricky to postpone, as the Torah passage read is connected to a certain day of the year.

"If we postponed it, we'd be out of sync," Cherese said. "It's almost like we'd have to wait until next year, that exact lunar calendar time."

The family opted for a Bar Mitzvah inside their home, available for their loved ones to watch on Zoom. The Torah was delivered to the family's house the week before his Bar Mitzvah, so Zev could read the passage he'd been learning since the summer.

Zev was the focus of Temple Israel's services for the weekend, including his Bar Mitzvah on Sunday. Rabbi Geoffrey Brown added extra services and events to the weekend than would have taken place in person.

"I thought it would be fun to engage the family and the community in multiple interactions," Brown said. "Because right now people are seeking human interaction and it's who we are."

It marked the fourth weekend of Temple Israel services streamed through Zoom, which Brown said have a higher attendance than in-person services.

Temple Israel is located at 4737 Deerfield Place in Vestal.(Photo: File photo)

Brown has helped students complete their Bar/Bat Mitzvah studies virtually in the past. But he's never attended a Bar Mitzvah through Zoom.

"This, for me, was not a stretch," he said. "And because the kids today are so device driven and media savvy, it's like just another day with another face and another screen. They don't object."

The next Bar Mitzvah on the Temple's calendar is not until the end of June, but whether or not it will be in person is yet to to be decided.

"We'll see, we don't know," Brown said. "Certainly, with having done it once we have all the room to improve on it and to get feedback of what folks would like to have in addition or in subtraction. So, we're completely wide open and interested in, if we have to go down the road again, improve on it."

Local friends who planned to attend the Bar Mitzvah organized a parade outside the Rosales household, with 15-20 cars driving by and holding up signs.

"My dad said something was coming out of the sky, just to get me outside, then a bunch of cars came by," Zev said, laughing. "It was actually crazy. It was really exciting to see all my friends just coming by and all my family friends."

Another friend dropped off a cake made by Underground Baker, complete with a face mask and yarmulke.

"They were celebrating with us, in a community way, the best they could," Cherese said.

The family plans to hold Zev's celebration once it is safe to hold large gatherings, possibly on the one-year anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah.

"Before, it was almost like this seems too extravagant, he's 13," Cherese said. "And now, this is a huge life event and we want to be able to celebrate these life events as best we can. So now, I can't wait until we can have a party."

From a distance, Zev's loved ones celebrated his Bar Mitzvah. Some threw candy at the screen.