The last three weeks or month have been like living a completely different life. So little anxiety, no longer feeling like I'm drowning and facing multiple panic attacks a week. It's been amazing! That being said, today is a day of formless anxiety. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be, but god damn is it an unwelcome visitor.

_________________"I'd rather have dried catshit! I'd rather have astroturf! I'd rather have an igloo!"~Isa

"But really, anyone willing to dangle their baby in front of a crocodile is A-OK in my book."~SSD

Hi anxiety peoples. I've had certain symptoms for years that I've told multiple doctors about, and they all seemed to have reached the same conclusion: anxiety. I just felt like that couldn't be it, most people know if they are feeling anxious, and I felt like I did sometimes experience anxiousness separate from those times, times that made more sense. Anyways, the longer these symptoms were around, and the more doctors explained anxiety, the more I believed them. And then the symptoms went away for about... maybe four-six months, mostly (I'd get the rare blip, but never enough to, lets say, keep me up at night). Welllllllll... it's come back. This past week I've been noticing it, and these past three days it's been to the point where it's keeping me up at night. One could say it could make sense that it's related to work stress, which since I have been having issues there, sure... however the past couple days at work have been great and I'm actually feeling really positive about it all now, after making some changes.

Do any of you ever think there's something physical that triggers unexplained anxiety for you? For example... I've been having really bad allergies lately, and the time when my anxiety was the best I definitely wasn't really experiencing much on the allergy front.

Part of my experience with anxiety is that sometimes, there isn't a trigger. For what it's worth, I've had that same experience with physical anxiety--doctors telling me that whatever symptom I was having was caused by anxiety, and me thinking that no, I don't feel anxious, so how does that work? I was so out of tune with myself that I didn't realize I was pretty darn anxious most of the time. Not saying that's what's going on with you, just that I had the same kind of disconnect between physical symptoms and mental anxiety and it turned out that yes, that was what it was.

I'm trying to write cover letters for jobs I know I'm qualified for, but I can't write them good enough, there's probably a ton of other people way more qualified applying and its going to hurt getting rejected.

_________________I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish

I got my formal rejection letter from my dream school today, and the reason why I didn't get in was that my "overall academic record" was not competitive enough. I'm so worried that I can't pick it up and do better next year. I'm taking two classes right now and I'm doing really really well in them, but I'm worried that it's just a fluke.

My anxiety is telling me that it was right all along and I am too dumb to do this. I would think I would get some kind of payoff by now. I've been in therapy for five years, and been on medication for over four, and I still can't function like a normal person. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing a lot better, and then something happens and my anxiety is winning again.

_________________"I will rip out your IV and other roman numerals." - pandacookie"The one thing I would not do for Aubrey Plaza is harm a baby, by the way." - strawberryrock

I have been waiting for over a MONTH to hear about whether I got this new position at my job. They keep putting me off. I got my boss to ask and they put him off and are supposedly going to know tomorrow (which is always the response-'next friday' or 'the friday after that') and now I'm a pile of anxiety. Can't do shiitake about my situation until I know one way or the other and it's making a sticky gooey pile of anxiety. Ick.

_________________"Vegan to me means Oreos for breakfast." -Poopiebitch"tl;dr: I quit working to drink beer paid for with gift cards" erikasoyf*cker

Found out about the job-I didn't get it (there were pluses to the situation). Right now, I set up an interview for a really part time position working at a women's shelter, which I applied for before my money situation changed enough that I may not need a second job and especially one that takes away both of my weekend days (4 hours each day) so I wouldn't have a single day off from working. So I'm anxious about the interview, about turning down a job, as well as this girl I'm dating who I don't want to hurt but I think I'm probably going to because I really don't see it going further for a few reasons.

_________________"Vegan to me means Oreos for breakfast." -Poopiebitch"tl;dr: I quit working to drink beer paid for with gift cards" erikasoyf*cker

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pmPosts: 1692Location: the land of too much wine and wind

I had one of my work breakdowns yesterday, only this time my team leader was around. He took me up to the PBS office (HR) to 'talk about it', which I understood more as 'telling me to pull it together or we're gonna have major problems'. I lost it. The PBS girl kicked him out of the room, and we talked about my escalating undiagnosed anxiety and depression. She gave me a referral number to call, and I'm waiting for a call back for an appointment with a counselor. I also have a number for her doctor who also prescribes her anxiety medication, since our shitty insurance doesn't cover mental health. But I haven't called yet. I really need to call.

So, shitty day. At least there's some glimmer of hope.

_________________I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

I had one of my work breakdowns yesterday, only this time my team leader was around. He took me up to the PBS office (HR) to 'talk about it', which I understood more as 'telling me to pull it together or we're gonna have major problems'. I lost it. The PBS girl kicked him out of the room, and we talked about my escalating undiagnosed anxiety and depression. She gave me a referral number to call, and I'm waiting for a call back for an appointment with a counselor. I also have a number for her doctor who also prescribes her anxiety medication, since our shitty insurance doesn't cover mental health. But I haven't called yet. I really need to call.

So, shitty day. At least there's some glimmer of hope.

Kara Kara, I'm so sorry that happened. It sounds like the PBS girl gets it though. You should make the call, I'm guessing it will help. Or the doctor might be able to help figure something else out.

_________________"Vegan to me means Oreos for breakfast." -Poopiebitch"tl;dr: I quit working to drink beer paid for with gift cards" erikasoyf*cker

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pmPosts: 1692Location: the land of too much wine and wind

I have an appointment tomorrow with a therapist. The counseling place gave me a couple options, and I took the first available. I just knew if I put it off any longer, it would be harder to go. I'm trying to not think about it, because I'm worried my typical overanalyzing will make me too nervous. I have no idea what to expect, since I've never done this before.

_________________I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

I'm having problems. I have PTSD from where I lived in Oakland. There were a lot of shootings and many times when I had to quickly get down on the ground. I heard the shots that killed my teenage next door neighbor and wounded three of his teenage friends.

Anyway, I live in a decent neighborhood now, thousands of miles away, and I keep thinking every loud noise is a gun shot. Right now I have horrible anxiety and can't sleep because of the "gunshots" I heard tonight. I have even gone as far as asking a cop if there have been shootings near me since I keep hearing guns... he said no. Once when I was sure I heard loud gunshots, my husband said he heard nothing. This really forking sucks.

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pmPosts: 1692Location: the land of too much wine and wind

(((((bastah)))))

Therapy was good. We talked about a bunch of things, since it was the first session. My therapist thinks I might have acute stress disorder from the break-in earlier this month. I still think there are underlying issues, but there's only so much an hour session can do against 30 years of forked up brain chemistry. He also encouraged me to go to yoga and explore some sort of artistic pursuit. I went to yoga tonight for the first time in months, and I do feel better. There were a few moments where I felt like I was about to cry, but in a good way. I needed that so bad. I'm still physically tense, but the tension isn't as bad as it has been lately.

_________________I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

This past week has been stressful, and my anxiety is so bad right now. I get maybe 3 hours of sleep a night because my mind won't stop racing. I'm exhausted and my anxiety levels are so high that I am constantly shaky and feel like I'm going to puke. I cried several times yesterday, because it was just so overwhelming. I really hate it.

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pmPosts: 1692Location: the land of too much wine and wind

So I'm being sued for an old credit card by a third party collections agency. Yesterday, when I got it, I was all prepared to do whatever it took to get it fixed. But the hotline number I was given at work wasn't working--no answer and no ringing on the other end. Today, one of the HR girls called to tell me the hotline was working again, but I could not bring myself to call.

All my phone anxiety stems from this really vivid memory of sitting on the steps at my parents' house when I was 18 while some cold-caller asked me to confirm all of my information. The card showed up a few days later. I ignored my dad's warnings and used it anyway, which led to years of shitty credit. I just want it all fixed, but it won't happen if I don't make this forking call.

_________________I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

So, I have to have a conversation with someone that I don't want to have a conversation with about something I am not wanting to face. But continuing to sweep it under the rug, is making my depression, anxiety and moods worse. But the anxiety towards the conversation...is really bad. I'm not sleeping, I am in perma manic mode because of my anxiety (which right now means I'm being productive somewhat but it's disjointed and doesn't make sense at times) and I know I'm about to crash. Hard. Tips on how to handle a possibly life altering conversation when you're not ready for any changes, but you know it's probably going to be forced on you?

_________________~Sweet songs the youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom. To believe in the good in man.

I'll be leaving in about an hour to deliver my first dessert order to the local vegan cafe (yay!), and I am having a super duper anxiety attack, complete with heart palpitations, dizziness and numbness in my fingers. Not helpful for piping icing! Taking a time out so I don't accidentally drop something.

I'll be leaving in about an hour to deliver my first dessert order to the local vegan cafe (yay!), and I am having a super duper anxiety attack, complete with heart palpitations, dizziness and numbness in my fingers. Not helpful for piping icing! Taking a time out so I don't accidentally drop something.

You will knock their socks off!

_________________~Sweet songs the youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom. To believe in the good in man.

I can be a big girl and go get x-rays done, right? I've realized that my anxiety is stemming from a ridiculous fear that any kind of medical examination will reveal some sort of Very Serious Medical Problem that will ruin my life. Obviously the rational thing to do is avoid all medical examinations, right?I avoided making the phone calls necessary for a week out of nervousness. Bah. I just feel like anxiety is taking this thing that pretty much everyone I know has dealt with--getting your wisdom teeth out--and making into this enormous ordeal.

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 5:36 pmPosts: 1692Location: the land of too much wine and wind

I had my wisdom teeth out when I was 28. I've always heard it's harder the older you are, but I had zero complications. Well....I'm super sensitive to anesthesia, and it always makes me puke. A lot. But even all the puking didn't rip my stitches or cause any dry sockets. As long as you do exactly what the doctor tells you, you should be totally fine.

You can do it!

_________________I just brought out the carrot sticks. This is war. - paprikapapaya

Anxiety has been ridic lately. The negative thinking, then the fear that comes next, and then more fear, more negative thinking...you'd think I had an anxiety disorder or something (oh wait, I do.)I'm just wound up lately because I've had to commit to a lot of socialization (well, by an introvert's standards), and there's some changes on the horizon for me as far as job structure and such. My brain, it is annoying.

_________________Did you notice the slight feeling of panic at the words "Chicken Basin Street"? Like someone was walking over your grave? Try not to remember. We must never remember. - mumblesIs this about devilberries and nazifruit again? - footface