December 11, 2008 with a year and a half of college under my belt, I am in the same place. If only I had enough sense two years ago to stay single, keep some money, and do what I want instead of go where church, money, women, and parents want me to go.

I have learned to listen to myself.

I appreciate every lesson I've learned, but I'm not going to pretend that I don't regret every minute of the last 1 1/2 years. Though I regret it , it took Birmingham for me to sprout some wings, grow a dick, and become aware of myself. I don't have any apologies to anyone or love notes to the city. Hell, I am just happy to be moving somewhere else.

I am seeking employment here in Huntsville and I am enrolled in Calhoun. This is to appease my parents. I am actively searching for housing and have applied for more jobs in Portland than I have here.

Everything in my life has fallen through so I expect the unexpected this December.

no progress on college. i am now more unsure than ever what i want to do or where i should go. but i know what i DONT want to do. i dont want to work in an office. i dont want to live in a suburb. and i dont want to do the same job my whole life. i dont want to be a hermit and i will never be one of those old poeple that retire and sit around till they die. and thats all i'm sure of right now. so bassicaly nothings changed

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Tuesday, August 01, 2006

nothing to looseCurrent mood: determined

in a year i'm leaving , in one year i wont be hear . in a year i'll be gone from all my family and friends. honestyl i 'mnot sure what i'm doing or where i'm going .

emt perimedic? graphic design? photog?.

i dont want to do the typical 4 year at aub . you cant come home twice so why even try. i know it will be dif. poeple will change. my family and parents will change just like they have been for the last 17 years.

i will make whereever i am home. if that means boulder colorado ausome. maui? sweet SCAD oh yeah . peacecorps, mission work . i can deal with that.

who cares if i make 50 grand less than my dad or the guy next door. as long as i'm happy with my situation. thats all i want honestly is to move on and see whats out there.

happyness will come if you work for it. screw watching tv and playing video games . dude go climb a tree. or plant a garden . its easy to find satisfaction in the smallest things. you've got nothing to loose. i'm not running away from huntsvegas or my family and friends i'm just looking for whatever i can find. theres nothing to loose.

everyone shoot me some ideas

Currently listening :Wild Like ChildrenBy Tilly and the WallRelease date: 22 June, 2004

Olaudah Equiano was brought to Savannah as a slave. In his spare time trading items he was able to make enough money to purchase his freedom. He then wrote an autobiography which influenced the British Parliment to abolish the trading of slaves. Bad ASS.

In Beijing in 1989 students began to ask the government for a more democratic society. In thier protests the Chinese government slaughtered thousands. Litterally opening fire on the students. The next day this man (still unidentified) was on his way home from buying groceries and came across a Chinese show of force, threatening the protesting students. Instead of walking around the brigade he kept on his way and eventually stopped in front of the tank. Then he climbed on the tank and told the driver to get out of his city and to leave him alone. On other versions of the tape you can see people grabbing him and pulling him away. He imediately disapeared. Its believed he was taken by the secret police and executed.

The things I try to make uniqueare just modified reproductions of what I've seen. I think I'm done. Or else I've got to find something so untracable, the closestanyone will ever get to it is through me.

Then there are creations. Taking all three apeals and managing to avoid duplicity and acheiving truth by being unsensable, unrecognizable, and completely realistic, and remaining untraceable. And this has the be the goal of the artist.

This may be the ultimate vanity. The ultimate desire to be unatainable.