Living Hopefully In A Fallen World

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Monthly Archives: October 2013

Well, as usual, it’s been longer than I intended between posts. One of these days, I’ll get a better handle on that. In the meantime, just keep checking back!

I wanted to update you on some of the things that have been going on. I’m still working on administrative stuff. I do have a few things taken care of. Mostly, I’m waiting on some other people (which, in ministry terms, translates to: my timing is not always God’s timing!). Things have been a little slow, over the summer, but they’re really starting to pick up again.

I’m hoping to keep them moving, over the next few weeks. I have some meetings scheduled already, and I’m hoping to get some other things set up. Lord willing, I’m finally starting to get some goals projected. Some of the things I thought I had under control have taken on a life of their own, but in a good way. God is moving.

My biggest prayer request, at the moment, is for people. I’m praying that God will put the right people in the right places at the right times, and that He would lay on their hearts what He wants them to be involved with. I’m already communicating with a few people, but there are a lot more that He’s been laying on my heart. Please pray that I would be sensitive to His leading.

Also, there is someone that I need sensitivity and wisdom in approaching. I know how the Lord is leading me, as far as they are concerned, but I’m not exactly sure where their heart is. My prayer is that He would go before me, preparing hearts and minds, but this one is a little different. I believe that He has been preparing this person, but there are some other issues involved. So, I would really appreciate your prayers.

The Lord has been opening some amazing doors, over the past few weeks, and I’m really excited to see where He will be leading next. My research is expanding through various avenues, which is helpful, and feedback has been increasing. I’m also becoming aware of more and more bereaved families – and more areas where this issue is not being ministered to in our community. Please continue to pray with me, as I allow the Lord to build a foundation for ministry here.

One of the things I appreciate most about children s their honesty. They don’t have any filter at all, for the first few years. Then, when they really start thinking things through, I often find myself amazed by what I hear. Not only are they completely (sometimes brutally!) honest, but they are also sometimes shockingly insightful. And they warm my heart.

Last night, when I was putting my boys to bed, I reminded them that it was Remembrance Day. And they were exactly the way I know they are. But it still touches my heart. Our older son (who just turned 7) prayed that “all those babies” would “have a good time playing in Heaven.” He said, “I wish they could come back, but I know they can’t, so be with all of the families that miss them.” Our younger son (5 1/2) waited until we were done praying and then started singing “a lullaby for Zoe.”

We’re very open in our home, and we talk about Zoe a lot. The boys know that we lost two other babies (through miscarriage). They know that Zoe’s birthday was a few weeks ago, but they’re too young to really keep track of years or anything. So they asked, last night, how old she would be. They asked what we named the other little ones (we haven’t, officially; I always think of one of them as Olivia Hope, a name we had picked out when we had the boys). We actually had a really great talk. And, like always, they made my heart melt.

I love the questions that they ask. Like this one: “Is Zoe all better now?” Or, like a friend’s little one, who exclaimed, on her brother’s birthday, “Oh! I didn’t know that he got to have a birthday, since he’s just pretend.” (She knows he’s real, but has some trouble differentiating. Since he was the oldest, she never met him.)

I envy, sometimes, the simple, uncomplicated worldview they carry. At other times, though, my heart breaks for them. Because of the simplicity and innocence, they struggle so much wth the hard things. Zoe’s loss was especially hard on our older son, because he wasn’t able to express himself. Lots of anger. Because we were trying to protect him, he thought he was the only one who was still upset. Then, when our younger son realized that he didn’t actually remember her, he had some real difficulties. A friend’s little one, after she miscarried, was mentioning the baby so frequently that others were uncomfortable. All they know is what we tell them. They trust us. So what happens when we tell them something that doesn’t match what they see? We all have to grow up sometime. There are no good alternatives – as all of us know too well.

So, I guess what I really wanted to share, this evening, is just how much I treasure my sweet little ones. I remember the lost ones, and I try to appreciate the ones who are still in my care. It’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of caring for small children. They’re worth valuing and treasuring, though. We just have to remember that. While we’re remembering the ones who aren’t here, it’s important to remember the ones who are. They’re just as valuable. And they need us, too.

This is Tuesday, October 15. The United States recognizes today as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. There have been events across the nation this past weekend, offering people the opportunity to honor thier little lost ones and fellowship with others who share the scars.

October, in fact, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, declared by Ronald Reagan, during his presidency. It’s been a busy month, for me, and it’s only half over!

I wanted to let all of those who are remembering their precious little ones today know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I am teaching my children to pray for you. You are not alone.

To that end, I would like to extend an invitation. At seven o’clock this evening, an event known as the International Wave of Light will take place. People around the world will be lighting candles, in memory of their lost infants. You are asked to leave the candle burning for at least one hour. As each time zone approaches seven, the light continues burning for the next hour. This way, a continual chain of light will burn for 24 hours. I am going to be participating in the Wave of Light, and I would like to invite you to join me. Even if you have (or are planning to) participated in an event for the Day of Remembrance, I would love to be able to share this evening with you.

I know that those of you who read and/or follow seldom post, but I’d love to know if you’re joining me.

By His grace, and for His glory.

UPDATE:

A small jar for my little Zoë-girl, and two even smaller ones for the precious little ones I never got to meet. If you’re reading this update, you were in my prayers today. <<Hugs>>

So, it’s been busy around our house. Our oldest son’s birthday was this past weekend. We were able to celebrate his presence in our lives, despite the hectic schedule of everything else. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I met him for the first time!

I was also able, this weekend, to head back out to Sufficient Grace Ministries, for their monthly ComfortBear workday. It’s always such a blessing and an encouragement to be able to spend time with the amazing ladies who volunteer there, and with Kelly, their founder and director.

There’s a lot going on this weekend, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to post again, but I wanted to update you all before I get swept away. God’s goodness is so overwhelming!

If I’m honest, I have to tell you that I’ve really been struggling this fall. Zoë was born in September and passed in November, making her life a literal season. For that reason, fall is difficult for me. Her “debut”, so to speak, was at our son’s birthday party. She came home from the hospital the day before his birthday.

My grandmother’s death, at the beginning of September, was harder on me than anyone realizes, I think. My grandma was a special woman; that’s common knowledge. Something that most people don’t realize, though: she had a special place in her heart for God’s most precious little ones – like our Zoë. And I know there are others who could testify: Zoë wasn’t the only precious little one she held dear. This year was the first time we didn’t get a card from her on Zoë’s birthday. Plus all the other things…

Anyway, I just wanted to share some of what’s been happening with me. I’m actually feeling pretty good, this week, but it’s been rough, lately. God is good, thoutg, and He’s constantly providing new opportunities to serve, minister, and praise.

I am so excited! I just have to share this. I just got a phone call. Someone who is familiar with the ministry just called to ask for some of our resources! Obviously, there is sadness involved, because someone they care about is experiencing loss (please pray!). But it’s a very exciting day for me. This is a big step: our first call requesting resources and materials!

God’s timing is never what I expect, and things have been all over the place this summer. But He’s obviously doing something, so I’m excited to see what happens next. I’m excited to have you along for this crazy ride, and appreciate your prayers more than I could ever say. God is always working! I can’t wait to see what He does next!

Today is the beginning of the month. This means a fresh start. Or something like that. So, here we are.

We’re still working on ministry things. While on vacation, I was able to reach out to some friends. An update on Baby Vanessa (the baby girl I mentioned, earlier this summer, with Trisomy-18) : she has not had heart surgery yet, but she’s still hanging in there. She’s been home, but only for short periods of time (from what I understand). I keep thinking about her father, a guy I knew when he was in junior high, and wondering about the young man he’s become and how he’s doing with all of it. It’s a lot. I’ve been keeping him in my prayers, along with the rest of the family. Please keep them in your prayers, too.

As far as moving the ministry forward, things are moving a little slower, at this point. We’re still working on getting an advisory board together. The Lord has laid some names on my heart, but there have been some issues with timing, so we’re just waiting for Him to get things in order. I’m a little frustrated, but I want what He wants to do, so I’ll wait.

I have a lot more to say, but it’s very late, and I have to teach tomorrow, so I’ll have to post again later. For now, I’m looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store in this new month. By His grace and for His glory!

by the way, for anyone who might be interested: when I logged on to post, the Molly Bears order form was open.