Heather is a Marine Widow and a Navy Wife. She is an Ambassador for the EOD Warrior Foundation, and is also a drug and alcohol counselor in California. She will listen with an open heart and then she will hug you and you know she means it. She may also dance at any given moment because life is too short not to have fun.

​I am a Marine Widow and a Navy wife and I have a confession to make.

I grew up in a small New England town. There were Memorial Day parades andcelebrations but other than my Great Uncles, a distant Cousin and my PaternalGrandfather who was gone when I was young, Not many of my family were in theservice. I don't think I understood the true meaning of Memorial Day until I movedto California after 2001.

Living in Southern California you are surrounded by a large number of militarybases and activities and I began to understand the true reverence of this day.

Then in 2005 I married a Marine and it was so apparent the concepts I had missedout on. No one is at fault for this; life just changes when you marry or are related tothe Military or have a Veteran in your life. We paid our respects on this day andoften hung out with friends.

Then came 2012....

My husband was killed by an IED while serving overseas. My world was shattered. Iwas overcome with grief, confusion and anger.

Then a month later it was Memorial Day. I was invited to the local VeteransCemetery (where he is now buried). I went and was honored to have the speakingGenerals wife sit and hold my hand. I was however simply confused, overwhelmedand exhausted. There were so many people and while I was so appreciative of theirattendance at this event I found myself wondering why I didn't feel this militarysupport from the public while my husband was alive. I went home knowing I veryobviously had some things to work through.

Enter 2014. People started posting reminders of what this day off from work wasactually about. I shared a few hoping to help educate people. However as peopleshare their photos of beach days and barbecues I just found myself angry and loggedout. My closest friend who was a Veteran and Wounded Warrior kept my feelings incheck and saved me from imploding. He was always good at that and his influencechanged my life.

Enter 2015. I decided very purposely to breathe. This was the worst year of all. Now it was not just my husband. The close friend I spoke of above was also inheaven due to complications from his injuries received in war. I was beyond lost. Iwas angry and I needed this day to be over so the pain would stop. I postedreminders about what the day was about and asked my friends to have a moment ofsilence for the fallen. Then I cried like I had not in some time.

Enter 2016. Life is so very different. J and D are both gone and my heart will alwayshave a hole where they should be. I have however remarried. I was lucky enough tomeet an amazing man who is Military himself and he supports me in my work withthe EOD Warrior Foundation and visits the cemetery with me to visit J. I know I amblessed by this. The Internet reminders of what the day is for have started and Ihave shared a few. But this year I find myself truly wanting to educate the masseson Memorial Day. Yes you can get a great price on a grill and have a day off fromwork and hit the beach but there are men and women who sacrificed all to give youthis right.

I look back to the greatest generation. They fought with honor, lost more servicemembers than any other war and came home heroes. These men and women stilltake part in all service remembrance activities along side their families.

Why are we not standing with them in mass? Many do but many do not. How do weteach our generation and our children how important this day is?

It is simple. Stand up and speak. Tell your family, friends and children why theyhave this day off and take a moment of silence for all those that gave you the right tohave a celebration free of fear.

In 2012 a close friend from high school posted a photo of her very young daughterpainting an American flag that had our names on it. She discussed how she is tooyoung to understand now. But as she grows up she will be taught what MemorialDay means. I love that picture and my friend. It gives me hope. Hope that we canraise the next great generation that serves with pride and gives reverence to thosewho serve and fall.

This Memorial Day I will be home in reverence. The cemetery is just too crowdedfor me. I will remember. I will tell stories and I will honestly cry.

Can I ask this? Have your party, beach day or barbecue but could you take 5minutes to talk about what Memorial Day means. Teach your children, educateother family members or friends because that is all the families of the fallen desire.

To have their loved ones remembered on the day that was meant for them.In Remembrance on Memorial Day.

~~Heather Fankhauser Evans

Below I share the video of Joseph’s Final Homecoming to Dover AFB. While this wasthe hardest day I have ever endured, I can also stand back now and look at theTradition and Reverence in the way we treat our Fallen Service Members. Thisvideo was from a day of sadness that I now see also contains beauty and respect.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings Heather. Though we've never met face-to-face I feel through our Facebook connection and the women at the Montana retreat we got to know each other. I love and support you and your sacrifice Will always be remembered. May God bless Joseph and comfort you through the years to come. Love, Vicki. HWHV

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​Heather is a Marine Widow and a Navy Wife. She is an Ambassador for the EOD Warrior Foundation, and is also a drug and alcohol counselor in California. She will listen with an open heart and then she will hug you and you know she means it. She may also dance at any given moment because life is too short not to have fun.

Victoria Diehl Holm

Victoria is our artist, the creator of our personal trees. You should check out her blog at: http://vdhgrafx.blogspot.com