Taunton suicide survivor shares her story in new documentary focusing on prevention, education

Friday

May 2, 2014 at 8:17 PMMay 2, 2014 at 10:46 PM

Marc Larocque Enterprise Staff Writer @Enterprise_Marc

TAUNTON — For Taunton’s Tracey Medeiros, life was once dark, filled with fillings of loneliness and depression, for about 20 years after she was the victim of sexual abuse as a child.

Medeiros managed to live through those times, functioning well as a student-athlete, until she started getting into a downward spiral in her mid-20s, ending with attempted suicide about 15 years ago. Medeiros said it was very difficult as she sought to turn her life around, dealing with “strange” doctors who didn’t understand her and people who couldn’t sympathize, before she found support, the right medical treatment through trial-and-error and developed coping skills that she now tries to share with others.

“It’s kind of hard to explain a dark time in your life where you see no light,” said Medeiros, 48, who now works as a peer specialist for a local counseling agency. “It’s almost like you are blind to life all around you. Morning, noon and night, all you think about is dying. … For people who were out there like me, it’s like they don’t know who to talk to, and will say, ‘How would you know, you’ve never been in my shoes?’”

Medeiros is one of four suicide attempt survivors featured in a documentary made in Taunton that is being lauded for exploring the survivors’ voices and talking about where they belong in the discussion of suicide prevention.

“A Voice at the Table,” directed by a videographer from the Taunton Community Access and Media Inc. and produced by a local expert in suicide prevention, is a 40-minute documentary that brings to light the “long missing” voice of suicide attempt survivors in the field of suicide education.

“We try to raise awareness from attempt survivors’ point of view,” Medeiros said. “It’s important to tell others your lived experience because you don’t know who’s going to be listening. … (People with suicidal thoughts) don’t want to tell anybody. They don’t want to be ridiculed.”

“A Voice at the Table” is debuting in Taunton on May 18 at the at the Episcopal Church of St. Thomas at 111 High St., followed by a panel discussion with some of the people involved with the documentary.

The documentary focuses on the idea that suicide survivors can play an important role in the field of suicide prevention, by offering their experience and knowledge. Medeiros often encounters people going through mental health issues or life crisis in her line of work.

“I want to be a counselor they can actually talk to, and still be able to sit there and say, ‘Hey, I know how you feel,’” said Medeiros, adding that the work has been extremely fulfilling. “It’s been amazing. I had no idea they would want someone like me to do a job like that, to teach other people coping skills, to guide them and try to help them one-on-one, and allow them to make the right decisions on their own, to try to help them in the long run.”

The documentary features three other suicide attempt survivors who give their call to action for suicide prevention, including Massachusetts author Craig Miller, journalist Cara Anna and photographer/writer Dese’Rae Stage. Each survivor has taken their experiences with attempted suicide and tried in their own way to bring light to the subject of suicide prevention. “A Voice at the Table” ends positively with a shot of them all laughing.

The film was first screened in mid-April at the state’s 13th annual Suicide Prevention Conference, where it received praise from many, said Annemarie Matulis, director of the Bristol County Regional Coalition for Suicide Prevention and the executive producer for “A Voice at the Table.”

“There is nothing out there like it,” said Matulis, who took the idea for the film to TCAM last summer. “We knew we were breaking ground. The story needed to be told. Attempt survivors are not all broken and not always depressed.”

Matulis said that in the past, the voice of the suicide attempt survivor has rarely been recognized in suicide prevention research and education. However, Matulis said that there have been recent signs that this is starting to change.

Last month, the American Association of Suicidology announced the creation of a division for suicide attempt survivors and those who have considered suicide. At the Massachusetts Suicide Prevention Conference in mid-April, one of the keynote speakers was Miller, author of “This is How it Feels,” a memoir about attempting suicide and finding motivation to keep living.

Matulis said that the suicide prevention remains as important as ever, as figures from federal Center for Disease Control show that about one million adults make failed attempts at suicide each year, with one suicide for every 25 attempted suicides.

Until now, Matulis said, there has been a prevailing attitude within the suicide prevention world that the words of those who have attempted suicide were not valuable, and that it was potentially harmful to expose suicide attempt survivors to potential rejection of their ideas. Previously, Matulis said, it was often the case that some vocal surviving family members of suicide victims would shun attempt survivors who speak out on the suicide prevention cause.

But Matulis said it’s important to get the perspectives of the suicide attempt survivors because it can help the public sympathize, and put a face to the real people behind the public health problem. Matulis also suggested that survivors know what kind of treatment works and have knowledge to share about the suicidal mindset. “A Voice at the Table,” she said, brings to light the fact that suicide attempt survivors have the ability to go on and live productive, fulfilling lives.

“It’s rare that you’ll hear stories like this,” Matulis said. “We did the research and you’re not going to hear from an attempt survivor like Tracey, who is probably 15 years from a last suicide attempt, who is healthy, happy and productive. She laughs a lot. You won’t find information about, ‘How did I turn that around?’ and, ‘When I turned around, how did I get there.’ There has been nothing like this.”

Matulis received positive feedback on the film from Philip Rodgers, a nationally renowned expert on suicide prevention.

“The film makes an important and critical contribution to the field of suicide prevention,” said Rodgers, who is a vice president at LivingWorks Education, which develops training on suicide prevention and awareness.

For Zak Swain, the TCAM director behind the film, the making of the film was the first time he ever explored the issue of suicide, suicide prevention or suicide attempt survivors.

“I’ve done a lot of documentaries, but nothing that carried as much weight as this,” said Swain, who has worked at TCAM for five years. “It was really interesting to me and I thought it was eye-opening, as far as the world of suicide prevention goes. It came out good. It really hit the nail right on the head, creating awareness for clinicians and for people to know how to approach the subject.”