In an unfortu-, I mean unforseen series of events, it has been reported to NarniaFans that two of today’s most popular teenage singers/actors have been signed on as actors in The Magician’s Nephew! Justin Bieber, possibly the greatest teenage heartthrob of all time, has been cast as Digory Kirke. As his loyal fans (loyal is an understatement) say: “Beiber is amazing, he is this generations Batch, Bathoven and Moesart!” Justin is reported to be extremely excited about this role; he is already practicing his lines by putting them to music. He will also be recording a single to be played in the credits of the movie; rumors are that the single is titled “Never Eat Apples.” (UPDATE-lyrics can be found at the bottom of this post!)

Joining Bieber is Rebecca Black, a young lady who has recently risen to instant fame with her hit single, “Friday.” Miss Black is signed on to play Polly Plummer. She is ecstatic that this announcement has been announced on a Friday, because Friday is her favorite day of the week. Her agent would not respond to our question asking why she is so fond of this particular day of the week. On a related topic: Rebecca is reported to have just become a teacher! She is teaching kindergarteners the months of the year.

This is possibly the greatest (albeit unforseen) decision ever made in the history of movie planning, at least in terms of publicity. And publicity is exactly what the Narnia franchise needs right now. We of NarniaFans request that all Narnia fans around the world join hands together in public support of this decision; never say never to the planners at Walden Media and 20th Century Fox. We we we so excited! It’s going to be fun fun fun. We hope that U Smile about it just as much as we do!

Click on the picture below for more details. …Really, click on the picture. It just might radically alter the current state of life you are experiencing.

UPDATE: We just just received part of the lyrics to Justin Bieber’s single for The Magician’s Nephew, “Never Eat Apples.”

You see I never thought that I would go to Narnia

I never thought that I would be the first

I never thought that I could talk to Aslan

Until he told me to go on a quest

-

And there’s just no turning back

When Jadis is on attack

Gonna go find that apple

It’s my destiny

-

I will never eat apples

I will only drink Snapples

Whenever apples fall down

I’ll let them lie on the ground

Leave ‘em them, leave ‘em there

leave ‘em there, leave ‘em there there there there

Never eat apples

UPDATED UPDATE: Alright folks, now that it’s April 2, it’s safe to officially say that this post was an April Fools joke. To the best of my knowledge, none of this is actually happening. No, y’all fans across don’t need to join hands in support of it (although it’d be great if you could do so in support of anything the Narnia franchise actually decides on any day besides April 1!). I hope y’all had as much fun reading it as I had writing it! And for those of you who commented that it was a mean joke: If it came across as mean, I apologize; I had no intentions of harming anyone when I wrote it. If you read it again, you’ll see that I don’t criticize anyone (to the best of my knowledge). While the two singers mentioned are not my favorite people, it doesn’t warrant calling them names or anything. I was simply having fun, and I’m really thankful to all of you out there who appreciated it (and I know that at least the bigger half of y’all did)! By the way, I will give y’all exclusive permission to use/reproduce my amazing, beautiful, autotuned, Narnia-nized version of Justin’s song: “Never Eat Apples.” =)

P.S. Did you guys hear that the U.N. has officially declared that April Fools’ Day is now banned? They’re worried that if some bad event (whether a natural disaster or a man-made event) happens on April 1, nobody believes it (there is historical precedent for this). So they’re abolishing April Fools’ Day!! Click HERE for more details and to see where you can petition against this unnecessary action.

Okay, if you can handle it, UPDATED UPDATE OF AN UPDATE: By popular demand, I’ve Narnia-nized Jaden Smith’s rap from Justin Bieber’s song “Never Say Never.”

yeah, i agree. i feel kinda bad for him, actually, not b/c of the Digory Kirke joke, but b/c people spread stuff like what u said about him. even celebrities have feelings, u know. You wouldn’t be saying stuff like that about Ben Barnes, actor for Caspian, would u?

Hmm, while he’s certainly not my favorite singer, it’s pretty obvious by just glancing at his songs that he is not gay…if you don’t believe me, look up the lyrics for pretty much any of his songs (‘Baby’ is ideal). =)

LOL…well, from a singer’s aspect…he does not sound like a girl…but rather like a young boy. And that is what he is. If he sounded like an older man right now, his voice would be ruined in later years. This only shows that he is doing it right. I have been singing for a while, and this is what I know to be true.
Having said that…I know he is not my fav. I think he is talented though…but I CAN’T STAND the whole “Oh…Justin is sooo cute!” thing that comes from most girls my age (I am 17). I am not the kind of girl who throws my heart away that easy. I like to think my love, purity and loyalty are more valuable than all that. I’ll wait for someone who actually knows I exist! lol?

yeah, definitely Daniel. Just look at “One Less Lonely Girl” GIRL ppl! GIRL! He’s singing about a GIRL he likes. I don’t love Bieber either, but I don’t think he’s gay, nor do i enjoy hearing ppl spread rumors about him being gay. Just sayin’

CAN NOT BE NO THE IS NOTHING SO PERFECT FOR A VALUABLE AND LITERARY SAGA DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE CINEMAS IS FILLED WITH CRAZY CRIES OF GIRLS, NOOOOOOOOOOO NO CAN DO PLEASE GIVE CHANCE TO OTHER !!!!!!!!!
JUSTIN BIEBER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OMG OMG! Thank God that is a joke…if it was true i’d be like ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’ cause Justin Bieber is like…uh. But he would make a good Diggory. But that other girl? She looks nothing like fans would imagine Polly Plumber (no offense to her).

That was a really bad April Fools Joke! It nearly drove me mad like NOOO!

If you know about fanfiction (which is totally awesome)i am MysteryGirl246. Check out my stories!

This is so hilarious! The lyrics rock! But seriously, I definitely would not see the movie if those two starred in it.(Come on, they don’t even have the British accents and they couldn’t even be considered good at their real jobs!)

Without even seeing this original article, most of my peers at church heard about this joke, only they thought it was serious! It was difficult to know who really believed it and who was just playing along. I had a debate with one J.B-obsessed girl, trying to convince her that he is wrong for the part- even though he isn’t even cast! =P

They can not do this, I thought that the following was the silver chair, but no, they are in a mistake, and will not see to within 4 years will (Eustace), the series, is only a matter within the 4 years of age will be sutituran and second, that’s not fair, I do not want another want him in the movie, just ahy EUSTAS and that’s a will …. and point exclamation point …. . ..

wow…I was caught right there. i almost fell for it! hahahaha.
I mean…I accept these two people as good people and artists, but I think they should cast British people for Narnia, since the writer CS Lewis was British. Some may think casting British people only would be unfair, but if you think about it; they didn’t cast American people for Harry Potter.