One night at this club on New Years', I puked in my mouth but held it, mouth completely full. Seconds after this happened, a bouncer noticed and started walking toward me. I scurried away trying to be all slick and not let any puke out. I finally got away to the bathroom and got my shit together...half hour later the bouncer found me and kicked me out.

I blacked out on my 21st birthday (the drunkest night of my life and the drunkest I ever will be). When I woke up, I was at a toilet with my friend Kristen and her sisters and mom in the bathroom with me. There was also a cop putting a form in my face, telling me to sign it, because I was refusing medical attention. I think I recall him saying I was puking blood. Anyway, I snatched the form out of his hand and really tried reading it. Realizing this was going to take a while, I told him that he didn't care about me and that the NWA should make an appearance. I started punching the toilet and he left.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:22 pm

Asterax

Joined: 21 Nov 2002
Posts: 1883
Location: Maine

remind wrote: I'll share a couple of my personal ones:

One night at this club on New Years', I puked in my mouth but held it, mouth completely full. Seconds after this happened, a bouncer noticed and started walking toward me. I scurried away trying to be all slick and not let any puke out. I finally got away to the bathroom and got my shit together...half hour later the bouncer found me and kicked me out.

I blacked out on my 21st birthday (the drunkest night of my life and the drunkest I ever will be). When I woke up, I was at a toilet with my friend Kristen and her sisters and mom in the bathroom with me. There was also a cop putting a form in my face, telling me to sign it, because I was refusing medical attention. I think I recall him saying I was puking blood. Anyway, I snatched the form out of his hand and really tried reading it. Realizing this was going to take a while, I told him that he didn't care about me and that the NWA should make an appearance. I started punching the toilet and he left.

when i was young my father and his friends used to take their kids camping once a year. this was basically an excuse for them to get away from our mothers and drink in the woods, while we ran around like savages and did whatever we wanted. they used to let us shoot guns, try their drinks/cigarettes, and curse. it was pretty swet.

because this was straight up camping camping, there was no outhouse or plumbing for miles. this meant that someone would bring a post-digging tool, make a big deep hole in the ground, and then they'd put like this toilet they got from a medical supply store... kind like this thing, but without the real toilet underneath:

the result was that i usually tried to hold my shit in for the whole 5 days or whatever it was. it was not a pretty sight or smell. next to that toilet would be a roll of toilet paper on a tree branch and a playboy, usually.

one night, as my father and his friends are all well drunk, my Uncle Anthony walks off to go to the bathroom. we're all sitting around the fire on the other side of this little stream from where the bathroom is. we watch his flashlight beam go into the woods in that direction and disappear. a few minutes later we hear:

"AH FUCK. SOMEBODY C'MERE. SON OF A BITCH."

My father yells back "What happened?"

He tells us he dropped his brand new, expensive mag-lite into the shithole.

My father starts laughing and tells him to leave it. Uncle Anthony is drunk and can't bring himself to just leave it. He eventually convinces my father to go over there.

So now my father staggers off in that direction, followed by two or three of his other friends who want to take the walk to have a good laugh at Anthony bent over the shithole straining to see his flashlight.

I stay by the fire. I have no desire to see what's about to happen. I hear the following from a distance of about 20 feet.

My father laughing and saying: "You fuckin asshole. Leave the thing."

Uncle Anthony saying: "Can you see it? Fuckin things still on. I have to try and get it."

The sound of Uncle Anthony wretching.

The sound of Uncle Anthony wretching making my father throw up.

The sound of Uncle Anthony and my father making the other drunken onlookers throw up.

All of this built to the most insane chorus of awful sounds coming out of the woods. Puking and like dry heaving noises and laughter. And it continued for a good 20 minutes. Sounded like a pack of hyenas getting raped by a pack of moose. I will never forget that sound.

The flashlight was not recovered.

Last edited by b. dolan on Thu Sep 23, 2010 6:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

Theres nothing like a good old group spew to bring family & friends closer together.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 6:53 pm

remind

Joined: 22 Jun 2008
Posts: 2202
Location: NJ

Haven't laughed like that in a long time. Thanks, b.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 6:56 pm

Sage FrancisSelf Fighteous

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21654

Plum Puddin' wrote: Theres nothing like a good old group spew to bring family & friends closer together.

my puke story is also one of a group puke. I'm too tired to tell it well.

Anyway, I was on a plane with really bad turbulence. Almost EVERYONE in the plane threw up. The flight attendance had to walk up and down the aisle collecting barf bags. This one guy who was sitting diagonal to me was COVERED in puke. And I felt really bad for him because he was wearing (what I think he considered) his cool leather jacket. He was not a cool guy in any sense of the word but he was trying. Now, here he is, exiting the plane drenched in his own vomit.

Smelled great in there.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:10 pm

X the Outsider

Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 1070
Location: Iowa

I laughed so hard at b.dolan's story. That was a good one.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 7:59 pm

GrantherBirdlyD&D addict

Joined: 05 Jun 2004
Posts: 3145

I'm sixteen in a bar in Salamanca. Feeling very cool with my two fifteen year old friends. We are actually in a bar legally about to booze. Take a shot of whiskey, vomit all over the bar (pure upchuck), get kicked out.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:01 pm

Szechwan

Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 587
Location: Vancouver Island

At least embed your snappy gifs if you're going to be like that Mr. Icarus. And I bet you've got some 20+ year old puke stories. Don't be shy man, we're all friends here.
(I'll admit I was curious enough to click your link regardless, so you win.)

Since we've moved on to stories of others, I've got a gooder from back in grade 5.

Post lunch, the class is all back our desks listening to our teacher babbling. Somewhere behind me I can hear someone sneezing, cough a few more times and that was all.

A few minutes later I notice it's this odd girl that's making all the noise. The random sneeze attacks continue. Even though it's a pretty common sound, something wasn't quite right about these sneezes, causing everyone to glance over whenever these attacks would come.

Sneezes turn to coughs and suddenly she stands up, clearly intending to bolt out the door. She got about a foot away from her desk before throwing her hands up over her mouth in an attempt to stop the inevitable.
Unfortunately for her and the unlucky folks sitting nearby, her hands simply deflect the projectile vomit straight up into the air, coating her hair and showering everyone else.

Orange slices everywhere. Poor girl, but god damn I will never forget that.

ok
one time after i met up with my milwaukee friends the rusty p's at the dinkytowner in minneapolis, we went to the kitty cat club to drink, they all had alcohol. for some reason, i asked for shirley temples. sprite with grenadine and a cherry. italian soda basically. anyways i had two then we all left and on the way i started puking into alleyways and the p' s and maybe some of the crest were teasing me ... everyone was was like, awww you can't handle your shirley temples.

I was at a friends shack with another mate and we were over there for the easter break.

With his parents both being Doctors and very well off, they went completly overboard with easter eggs. I dont think ive ever eaten that many chocolate bunnies in my life :S

I can remember waking up in the middle of the night on my mattress and looking up to see my mate leaning over my bed spraying hot chocolate spew all over the floor. Just from the smell alone, i started to dry reach, probably the worst smell ive ever smelt.

I ran downstairs to his parents room to grab them and when i opened the door they were completely naked doing doggiestyle on the bed!
I dont think ill ever forget seeing that shit "

Me personally probably my proudest moment was lying on the floor of a packed train at 4pm in my work clothes trying to aim my spew towards the door...most recently I was spewing in the back seat of a public bus which was thankfully nearly empty although dude in front of me was copping it....the patterns the spew made as it slid around the bus were quite artistic...

I've spewed up my stomach lining a few times...like you just spew a nice ball of bile which looks like afterbirth...then you can't drink anything including water for at least 4-5 hours afterwards....people have told me you should go to the hospital when this happens

I've also projectile spewed after shots over a number of bars...usually this results in immediate ejection....one time I blacked out as soon as I had done this the last thing i remember was spraying Jagermeister all over the bar and putting my hands on my face...the next thing I remember I was half hanging out the front of my apartment door with the keys still in it and a suspicious wetness in my pants...i went out and checked my car and there was a further suspicious dent in the back of it..i summised i had backed str8 into a pole after getting kicked from the bar....silly silly boy (much more responsible now)

I got some weird gag reflex when drinking things. I'll be drinking a glass a water and I'll just start choking and coughing and spitting water all over the place. So, I walk into work one morning and go into this guys cube to shoot the shit. I didnt even start speaking as I take a sip of my coffee, gag reglex hits and I spew coffee all over his cube and then start vomiting into his garbage can. The dude sat there speechless with my spew all over him and his desk with his garbage can full of vomit. I apologize and slink out of his cube carrying his garbage can.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 8:40 pm

Captiv8

Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 8546
Location: Third Coast

wesfau wrote:
His story: I got on the plane before you guys and immediately passed out. Woke up about 30 minutes into the flight feeling woozy and needing to pee. Walk to the first class lav, sign says "vacant", so I throw the door open. And there she is. Beautiful stewardess...taking a dump. It smelled like she was shitting a dead cat. The smell hit me, disagreed with my delicate stomach, and I puked all over her. Then she screamed. The scream startled me and I puked all over myself. Then I didn't know what to do, so I went back to my seat and offended the nice lady next to me for the next 3 and a half hours with my vomit smelling clothes. I was late getting off the plane because I was hunting for the stew to give her $20 for her dry cleaning.

I can corroborate the smell in the cabin at 30 mins in, but I never heard a scream. It is, however, still a story that I get some mileage out of. [/i]

Undoubtedly the funniest story in the thread. Everything else has been a nod and a chuckle, but this one got the guffaw treatment. Soooo good.

Thu Sep 23, 2010 9:35 pm

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