Adult Panda Movies

I am thankful for the opportunity to comment before "The
Daily Show" writing team discovers this and turns it into the
top story for the next year.

Can someone please tell me why we are paying our scientist teams
high salaries? For years we have been hearing about panda
extinction, and responding by giving money to the National Zoo so
they could continue research on how to save the panda. We read about
the fights between China and the U.S. for the right to house and
study the remaining pandas.

I don't want to claim our world's best Ursidae-ists are
morons...okay, yes, I do. I could have come up with this solution
about 4 hours into the job. No doubt. I would have listened to the
problem and said, 'Get me a video camera and my bass guitar.' They
wouldn't have even had to pay me extra for scoring the soundtrack.

What's hilarious is reading that these scientists are STILL
clueless as how to get the action going in the wild. Are these
scientists complete and total losers? Get me a rugged jeep with huge
speakers set on top, some Sade CDs, and we will have a rolling safari
broadcasting the sounds of the jungle to the pandas in the wild. I
don't care to which Kingdom or Phylum you belong, nothing gets life
forms in the mood like hearing their own kind grunting and sweating
mixed in with the opening of "Sweetest Taboo."

In closing, as your chief Adult Panda Movie executive, I will do
my best to trumpet the non-discriminatory underpinnings of the
multi-racial trysts ('The Pandas don't care if it's black or white'),
while ensuring subtitles relate to both sides of the Pacific ('spank
it raw.')

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I will be assisting Mr. Graber in promoting panda passions by accompanying the panda pr0n with the proper mind-altering substances. We'll start the proceedings off with a little Chardonnay or a martini. Jack and cokes will follow as well as vodka tonics. If the pandas aren't sneaking off to the bushes after the panda porn and libations, then we'll move to a little E and freaky techno music.

We'll also be dressing up the male pandas as rock stars, actors, and professional athletes, with accompanying gold-plated bamboo trees.

It's an ongoing joke amongst some friends that this post has been the most-read post on this site for the past month. It looks like Tony Dungee petered out, Firefly's Chinese Swear Words took the money shot in first, and Adult Panda Movies is up and coming soon...

As an aside, the searched-for term which ends up hitting here is "Panda Movies". Not so much the adult bit. Apparently, though, the term "Panda" has some sort of homoerotic context. I have not explored further to figure out exactly what it is :)

This post is now coming up on 44,000 views. And, sadly, as a result of looking at some of the referrer logs, I have learned what people are actually looking for when the put "adult panda movies" into their search bar...

In the usual Barnson.org tradition, since we want to remain family-friendly, I'll give you the answer via innuendo.

The word "bear" is used in some US sub-cultures to refer to a very large, usually hairy, gay man.

A Panda, as everyone knows, is a variety of Asian bear.

You figure out the rest.

Oh, and there are plenty of hits for just "Panda Movies", too. I feel just as sorry for the kids searching for that term as I do for the poor secretary at work one day who decided to do a search for a new "job"...