ask Ignatz

Hi, I call myself Ignatz after Dan Herriman's character in the old "Krazy Kat" comic strip. I'm 44, father of 3, husband to one, crazy about music and books and food and movies and history and martial arts. I've had some wild and crazy times in my life, and I figure I might as well put in some of my perspective.

I promise not to talk down to anyone or make fun,and I promise not to BS anyone. If you're old enough to ask a frank question, you're old enough to get a frank answer. Oh, and if you ask me a question directly, please be patient. I'll get back to you as soon as I can. My life's a bit hectic. :-)
Gender: MaleLocation: St. Louis, MOOccupation: Professional dadAge: 44Member Since: October 29, 2007Answers: 328Last Update: January 23, 2015Visitors: 16665

I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again? (link)

I'm sorry this happened to you; I've been in the same situation. Speaking from experience, you're going to feel terrible for a while. It does get better; the pain eases, your perspective changes, and you move on to someone who deserves you.

It's pretty obvious that this guy does not. He used you, lied to you, then showed no remorse when he left. Worse, he tortures you every time you see each other, dangling the hope of his renewed affection in front of you. He is not worth your tears. You'd be perfectly justified to kick him in the shins the next time you see him.

My advice: try not to see him if you can avoid it. If you do have to be in the same place at the same time, ignore him. If he tries to talk to you, tell him to go away. (That should be the only thing you tell him. Don't engage him in conversation, or he'll try to hook you again.)

Give yourself time to heal after this. Don't rush into a new relationship. Spend some time thinking about what you want in a partner, and what you expect from him. Make lists of what you want, what you don't want, and what you'll tolerate.

One thing I've learned is that you can't make someone appreciate you. They either do, or they don't. If they don't, no expensive gift, loan, favor, or act will make them change. They're not worth your time. Someone who does appreciate you will show it clearly, and will respect your boundaries and morals.

There is hope; it does get better. Stay strong, and take some time for yourself. Hope this helps.

21/f, 27/m

Just in case you may be wondering, if you believe in horoscopes. He's a Scorpio. I am a Pisces.

Please be patient. This may be long, I feel like you will need to know details to help me answer my question.

I have always wanted to be with a guy that may have more experience than me just because in my relationships, I have always been the one that has had the most experience (meaning, I was usually their first serious girlfriend). I realized that I cannot see what others may see from a third point of view. I am oblivious to things when I am in the situation or when things are not directly said towards me.

I have been talking/dating this guy for a month. The first time we dated/started talking, I thought I might have been a "booty call" because he was making dirty jokes here and there. Many people told me, if possible, don't get my feelings involved and "go with the flow." Personally, I don't think you can control your feelings. You can't help but like that person. So, instead I spoke to him about it. I told him that if I was a girl he was just trying to sleep with, then he should go elsewhere because he will not get it from me. He told me that he has not had a "booty call" for a long time and that he just wanted to test the waters and see if we would work out of not. Things got a lot better after we cleared things up, eventually we did have sex. He continued to see me afterward and we continued dating.

On one of our dates, I saw him on Tinder (an app where you can meet the opposite sex/whatever. If you both find each other attractive, you can message one another through the app), and I confronted him about it. He admitted to me that he gets on the app a few times a day. I started getting confused afterward. At one point, he stopped trying to have sex but we continued to see each other and went on dates, he was still a gentleman and that got me curious if he was seeing other people. I decided to confront him about it, again.

He told me that he still has a Tinder. He chats with people on it, but he doesn't date/see other people other than me. He asked me why I brought it up on the day I was to see him and I said it was because if he was to see other people, I wouldn't see him that day (the only reason being because I don't want to sleep with him/see him after another girl, etc). He told me he wouldn't mind being exclusive with me, if I wanted and that he wanted to continue to see me. Somehow this conversation started off with me being curious (wanting to make it fair, trying to see if it was exclusive or not) to me deciding whether or not if I wanted to be exclusive. He let me "sleep on it" to decide. I didn't know what I want. I WAS JUST CURIOUS!

He didn't bring it since then but today, he brought it back up and asked whether or not if I wanted to be exclusive. I asked him why all the sudden he wanted to ask, he said he was just curious. I told him there must be more of a reason for him to be asking me and this conversation pretty much went nowhere. I asked him what he wanted to then I could consider what he wants instead of not hearing what he would like to do. And he said my decision has more of an importance than his when I think his thoughts are equally important.

I noticed that he tends to turn tables on me a lot, he also redirects the conversation sometimes when I confront him about something. For example, when I see my coworker or guy friends, he tends to act a bit "off" and when I ask him if he's okay, he says that he's great when I sense that there may be something wrong. I told him to tell me if I ever upset him, if I ever do something he doesn't like, and he agrees with it... But for some reason, he becomes distant and sometimes he'd say, "you go on dates with other guys" or "he's probably taking you back to his place, etc" Jealous? I'm not sure. He told me he "knows better" than to be emotionally involved with me but yet, when he acts strange, he turns it around and says that I'm the one that is acting weird.

His actions are driving me crazy, I can't read into it. I can't see it. Some people see it as him being manipulative. Some see him being insecure. Me? I can't see anything. He has been telling me the truth this whole time but why do I feel like he's hiding something? Maybe I'm thinking too much into it and I'm the one destroying this relationship? What should I do? What do you see from this? (link)

I think you may have answered your own question. You've been very direct with him as far as what you expect in a partner, and he's being evasive.

You're obviously frustrated with him: do the positive elements of this relationship exceed the negative ones? Is his company that great? Does he make you feel so incredibly happy and fulfilled that you're willing to put up with his evasions? How does being involved with this guy benefit you, aside from having somebody to go out with on occasion?

If you left him, nobody would blame you. You deserve straight answers to honest questions.

Hope this helps.

I'm 14 years old.I liked a boy that was 15 but as soon as he liked me back i stopped.So he stopped too.When i realized he stopped i liked him again.. so he did too and then again i stopped.He thought i was playing him but i really wasn't.This happens to me all the time and because of that now he hates me.He likes another girl now and i don't really wanna admit to myself that i like him because i know he will never like me again and if he does i will stop liking him.I played him for like 4-5months and i feel really bad now.I don't understand i even cried for him i thought that i really like him but i quess i didn't.This happened with my ex boyfriend too..What should i do.. i really want a boyfriend but as soon as they like me back i stop..Please help. (link)

Time for a bit of soul-searching, I think. It might be best if you took a little time off from the whole 'boyfriend' thing. From what you're telling me, you push away anyone who expresses an interest in you. For a lot of people, this comes from fear. Fear that you're not good enough, fear that you don't deserve the attention, fear that you're going to be hurt, fear of rejection. People who think this way tend to hurt the other person first so they don't get hurt themselves. (Of course, there are those who just like hurting others for fun, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case with you.)

Ask yourself a few questions: what am I good at? What really makes me happy with life? What makes me worth knowing and spending time with? What's the worst thing that could happen if somebody breaks up with me?

If you can be happy with yourself, and you can face the idea of rejection without falling apart, then you'll be a better partner and friend. (Remember: 'boyfriend' includes 'friend'. Too many people focus on 'boy' or 'girl' and leave out the friend part.)

Hope this helps!

Ok so Im 12 and I currently have a wonderful boyfriend but he kinda flirts with my best friend. When Im aorund him he doesnt givve me any special attention though. He is my first boyfriend, and slow dance. Then theres this other guy who is a year older than me (13). He IM's me 24/7 he admitts to me that he kinda likes me but likes other people too. I kinda am falling for him and I dont know what to do. We were playing truth over IM the other day and he said that he reall wants to kiss me. I have never kissed anyone before but he has kissed alot of other girls. I asked him for one of my questions if he would ever kiss me while im still dating ___? and he said yes. I have something in side me that wants to kiss him but the other part of me doesnt because i already have a boyfriend. I dont know what to do because the other guy said 'It would be worth kissing you even though I might get slapped'. PLEASEE help, I dont know what to do :( (link)

Hi: sorry it's taken so long to get back to you. Looks like you're in a pretty common situation: you're involved with someone, the relationship isn't quite what you wanted or expected, and someone else expresses an interest in you. You want to stay loyal, but maybe this new person will be better...

Believe me, I've been there a few times.

Start by asking yourself some questions. Your current boyfriend is flirting with your best friend. Have you talked to him about how that makes you feel? Is this something that you'd be willing to break up with him over if he doesn't stop? Does this other boy have a history or reputation of being a player? (that is, will he treat you better than your current guy?)

You deserve to be treated well, and to have the loyalty of whoever you're dating. At the same time, whoever you're dating deserves to have your loyalty. Sort out your current boyfriend situation first. If you decide to leave him, then leave him and go after this other guy. If not, then end things with the other guy. Divided loyalties are a recipe for major drama. (Unless that's what you want, of course.)

It's a term from football. When the players line up, they take a 3-point stance: feet wide apart, bent over and one hand on the ground for balance. There are three points of contact with the ground, hence the name.

Halo! I am 22 year-old, a college student.. I fall in love with my professor. He is over 35 years old..and he has a nice girlfriend(I am not sure).
I am curious why he has not yet married. I like him, and we have nice conversations. He asks me out for lunch.

I am confused.. What should I do? I wanna make a move. I am graduating this Dec.. (link)

Funny, my cousin was in the same situation, only he was substantially older than she was. She ended up marrying him.

Now, on to your situation. Since he's your professor, dating him would be a serious ethical breach. He could lose his job. Of course, that's no longer an issue once you graduate.

His involvement with somebody else makes things more complicated. It's easier to respect that involvement and find somebody who's single. Deliberately splitting them up or throwing yourself at him is a recipe for reality-show level drama. Just remember: if he leaves her for you, he may leave you for somebody else eventually.

So, enjoy the friendship, and if he breaks up with the girlfriend, move in for the kill. But not before, unless you like a lot of drama in your life.

Hope this helps.

Ok so i'm a 15 year old boy and there's this girl that i havent really met....but i see her around A LOT and shes very hyper and goofy around everyone and shes just idk seems special, ya know? and she has this battered up worn book which i think is called 1984...it has a white cover with like a blue eye on it. Every now and then i catch her rereading it. I think its her favorite, so i was wondering whats the book like about? is it some chick book? and like what does it say about her? (link)

'1984' is a very famous book by Aldous Huxley, describing a country in the grip of a dictator called Big Brother. The country is in a perpetual war, everyone everywhere is under surveillance, and there is no such thing as freedom. It's ultimately a very depressing book, because there is no happy ending. It's well worth reading, though. This girl is probably politically and socially aware, and pretty smart. Read the book, then go up and talk to her about it. You're in for some pretty interesting conversations.

Ok I was at a party and I was kind of fliritng with this girl. We were both sober. Later that night we sat next to each other on the couch and she let me put my arm around her. Then the two of us made out in the rain. When I left the party I texted her later that day and asked what her favorite part of the party was. She replied it was meeting me. Is there more to this or is this just like a party hookup kinda. (link)

I think she likes you. Otherwise she wouldn't have replied to your text. At the very least, I'd say ask her out. Go easy, see what develops. There's no rush.

in bed how to please a guy? What are the spots they like? I am 27 year old female and need help (link)

Sorry about the slow response; I mostly read the site at work and this isn't something I can answer at work.

Your question sounds simple, but it's actually pretty complex given that guys are so variable. What pleases one guy may leave the next guy completely cold. With that in mind, most guys' perception of what sex is and should be have been shaped by watching porn. They expect their girlfirends/wives/dates to be like the actresses, and get disappointed if they're not. There's an excellent site called "Make Love Not Porn" that goes into the issue pretty in-depth.

If there's a regular guy in your life, the best thing to do is experiment on him. Start nibbling body parts and see what excites him. Necks and ears are very sensitive, as are the palms of the hands. Genitals are obviously very sensitive. Your mileage may vary depending on the guy, what you're willing to do, and what he likes. He may like being spanked with a hairbrush, but you may not be willing to do that.

A writer/blogger you might want to to read is Violet Blue (tinynibbles.com); she writes very well, very clearly, and very frankly about all sorts of subjects, including how to turn on guys.

Again, I apologize for the delay.

I just ended a 6 and a half month relationship with my girlfriend. I am 18 years old and a freshman is college, she is 21 years old who is not currently in school and has faternal twins the age of two. Obviously there is a good reason why i broke up with her. It has only been a week since we broke up and it is so hard. I love her and she loves me. What do i do? do i listen to society, my family and friends, the brothers of my fraternity? or my heart. do i look at my future or what. My heart is torn between choosing to date a girl i really love or what society tells me to do. She is a package deal which im not too excited for because no 18 year old freshman in college wants 2 kids. Also, she is still married to the other man but very close to getting a divorce. I really need some advice. Do i listen to my heart or society? (link)

Oh boy.

Friend, I don't envy you your position. Breaking up is difficult at any age, and at 18 it's even more difficult because you're not used to the inensity of the whole thing. I've had relationships break off because of circumstances. It's very easy to believe that 'love conquers all', but often the battle is more than you can withstand. You and your girlfriend may be absolutely compatible in all ways. But if you're not willing to step into a father role with her children, then it's not fair to continue the relationship.

Then there is the matter of her husband. The fact that she's been dating you can give her husband leverage in the divorce. It's called 'alienation of affection' and can allow him to pay less in alimony and child support. If she's raising two kids on her own, she's going to need all the help she can get, emotionally and financially. You don't want to be the reason she gets her support reduced or cut.

Right now your emotions are very raw because the breakup just happened. It's like going through surgery. It will take time to recover. Don't date her, but don't date anyone else for a while either. Get the divorce finalized, and then reassess. Of course, it just might work; a young man of my acquaintance married a much older woman when he graduated from college. He was 21, she was 39 and had four kids. That was seven years ago; the oldest is in college now. These things can work, but you have to be willing to do them.

If you're kissing someone for the very first time, keep it soft and sweet. Just a gentle peck like the brush of a butterfly's wing. See what reaction you get. If it leads to other things, then great.

More info here: http://www.kissing.com/faqkiss.html

Nota bene: drooling is a bad idea, no matter how H4WT the other person is.

I have been involved with my x-husband for 17 years now. We were married for 5 years and have been divorced for 2 years now. He has become so distant, and boring. We don't talk anymore, or do anything anymore and everytime I try to talk to him about our future he changes the subject. We used to talk about everything all the time. We were best friends. He doesn't answer any of my emails from work anymore. He doesn't call me on his lunch or breaks anymore. The only thing he wants to do when we have free time is sleep. Everytime I ask what he would like to do, he responds saying whatever you want to do, or whatever you want to eat. He asked me to remarry him 10 months ago, but I said No, I needed time. Now when I try to discuss the subject, he completly ignores me. Is this relationship over? When we aren't at work, we are always together so I don't think he is seeing anyone else. He has in the past, but I don't think he does it now. Does he not want me anymore. He shows differently than he speaks. What should I do? How should I address or approach it? (link)

If I may be frank... this relationship is over. It's flat on it's back, hooked up to life support, waiting for somebody to pull the plug. It seems to me that he wants to get out, but doesn't want to actually stand up and do it. He's waiting for you to make the move. That's why he's boring you to death.

Life is too short to spend it with someone who bores the heck out of you. You definitely don't need someone who lacks the intestinal fortitude to take a decisive action and live with it.

Hope this helps.

Have been married for 24 years and happily (Female). We have a great sex life,lots of varied, fantasy even porn often initiated by me, but my husband love to go along and always has. I have found that he has been going to Porn sites sometimes daily, even after we have had sex. I guess I can understand this and live with it on the one hand, but it does make me feel a little inadequate (Actually I'm a pretty well kept and hot good looking 45 year old) What really bothers me is that I gentle confronted him a number of times, saying that I look at porn does he? Even taking him to some sites together that I know he has been to, during sex play. He refuses to admit that he looks at porn. What does this mean? What should I do?

A lot of men like to maintain a private fantasy life. They may be getting more a$$ that a toilet seat, but they'll still go look at pictures of pretty women that they have no chance of meeting in real life. It doesn't mean he finds you less attractive, it's just that he likes a little variety in his mind's eye. You say that your sex life is satisfying, so he's obviously not letting his consumption of porn interfere with that.

The root of the problem is his lying. Why is he doing it? He may not want to offend you with his personal tastes, or be trying to maintain the image of 'enlightened, sensitive husband who doesn't look at other women'.

I would confront him gently: tell him you know he looks at porn, and that he doesn't have to hide it from you, but you don't appreciate him lying to you about it. The consequences for future lying I'll leave up to you. :-)

Hope this helps.

No, not on the playground.

Before my husband and I were married (we are going on 9 years now), we had a very different relationship. We had been together in high school, then apart for 3 years. During that time, I discovered a sexual side of myself that I loved. When we got back together, I made sure he knew that part of me. He loved it too. I'm a bisexual submissive and he knew how to dominate me. On occasion, we would play with others. He'd let other people whip or spank me with no issues. We toyed with another young woman. Then, we got married and had a baby (he's 8 now)and it all seems to have gone away. And it wasn't gradual either. I got depressed, and still am. I think a lot of it has to do with feeling like I have to suppress who I am because of the way things have changed.
I've been working on getting past my depression. That led to finding what I need/want. I want at least a bit of our old relationship back. And that includes involving others. I love the feeling of him being in control, even when someone else is with me.
I want to try swinging, even just once to see if it is really what I want. How do I bring this up to DH without causing a problem? It isn't that I feel he is inadequate, but I am afraid it will sound like I do. Also, if he does take to the idea, what would be the next step? I don't have anyone in mind. How would I find a good couple to be with?
*Note - If you would say that I should not be considering this at all 'cause I'm married, or that I am wrong for being bisexual, please don't answer. That doesn't answer my question at all and will get a low rating as a result. (link)

A question: what is the more thrilling, being with someone aside from your husband, or having your husband control you? For someone of my acquaintance, the big thrill was thinking of herself as completely her husband's posession, someone that he could loan out like a plaything.

Has your sex life gone completely vanilla, or are you still playing games? You might want to arrange a 'fun and games' weekend - ship your son off to Camp Grandma, unpack the toys and the Depeche Mode CDs, and have some fun. I bet he misses the old days too.

On the subject of threesomes/ polyamory, that can be a bit more touchy. Does he consider your old life something that responsible married people don't do? Is he afraid your son will find out and misunderstand? Is he afraid you'll leave him for someone else? This is all stuff that you both would have to address. Obviously, you both deserve to have a satisfying sex life, but not at the expense of the other's needs. I'd arrange the fun and games weekend before the big talk, just to give him a taste of what he gave up.

Hope this helps.

Okay this is hard for me to do because usually im the one giving the advice. But i guess there comes a time when every advice columnist needs some advice from someone else. I've been married for 2 years and when my husband and i got together i liked to watch porn and he said he hated it. He would never watch it with me and he would always say that it didnt interest him. Several times now i have found porn sites on our computer and i confronted him about it. He says that he was looking for ideas for our sex life. But its like sex story sites and one is a naughty friends site. So recently i found more on there after he says he wouldnt do it anymore. They are pretty much the same sites but one new one is daily jack off stories. I really dont know if i should say something about it or not. He always gets mad when i bring it up. so i dont know if i should risk the fighting. I also have to put in that in the past he would chat with other girls sexually. But i do have to say that he told them he was married. I know for sure that he didnt call them baby or tell them he loved them or anything like that but that time he said he was role playing and getting ideas. So is he lying to me about it or is he really looking for new things for our sex life? Please give me your honest advice as i am honest with the people i give advice to.

When he said he didn't like porn, he may have been trying to come across as an enlightened, sensitive guy in order to impress you. Either that, or else he thought you might consider him a complete freak because of his tastes. The chatting with other women is something of a concern: even if he says he's married, that doesn't mean it's OK, unless you have specifically approved it. (I have some polyamorous friends, and that's the rule they use. As long as everybody knows and is OK with it, go do who and what you like.) He may be getting off on the fantasy of being a single guy again. If you're not cool with it, he needs to stop.

Is his consumption of porn affecting your sex life? Are you unhappy with the way things are going? Does he spend more time one-handed surfing than he does with you? If not, then I wouldn't worry too much about him using porn per se. If him looking at porn doesn't bother you, then tell him, so he doesn't have to make promises to you that he won't/can't keep.

You definitely need to sit down and lay out some ground rules. But start off with a positive experience: "Look, I know you like porn, so do I, so let's check some stuff out together." After you've recovered from the experience, then you can get into the nitty-gritty. Lying is not cool, chatting with other women is not cool, the stuff involving balloon animals is definitely not cool, whatever you two decide.

Hope this helps.

So, here it is. In black and white. I have been seeing this guy for 10 yrs. I love him and he was my first everything. When we met he was getting a divorce and she knew about me and everything but since he has waffled and continues to go back and forth. He now lives with her and they have two children together. He spends all of his free time with me but recently I have found myself getting depressed and tired of the way things are. I asked him to please make good on his promise to me and he says he will but he can not say when. I know he loves me but he asks so much of me and I ask so little of him. He wants me to not wear makeup or have my cell phone and I have not gotten my license b/c he likes me needing him. I am 27 by the way. What do I do? I broke up with him a week ago but he started crying and has been treating me really well and he had been taking me for granted for so long but I am afraid he will go back to the same ole' same ole'. I have never had any self esteem and I am fighting him to wear makeup b/c it makes me feel a little better about myself but he does not see that. Advice please. (link)

Wow. Sounds like you're in a pretty tough spot. Your first everything, no matter who it is, always occupies a major place in your mind and heart. Sometimes that place can become too important and cause you to maintain something that should be allowed to fade away. (I had that experience with a woman many years ago. I was her first, and because of that we were more devoted to each other than we should have been. We should have broken up years before we finally did.)

You say you've been dating this guy since you were 17, and that he was married then. Am I right in saying that he's older than you? From where I'm sitting, it seems that you're outgrowing him. What you wanted at 17 is not what you want at 27, and what you want he can't seem to provide.

You, however, are providing everything that he wants. He's got a good thing going: a wife and kids on the one hand, and a play toy on the other. You say that he likes for you to need him, and that he doesn't want you to wear makeup or have a cell phone or drive. It sounds to me that he's trying to control you and keep you as dependent as possible. If you start valuing yourself and developing a life away from him, you'll figure out that he's not that great a catch. And he's not, really.

Think about it this way: let's say he leaves his wife and takes up with you. Who's to say he won't drop you just as soon as a younger model comes along? He made promises to his wife that he won't keep, and it's a safe bet that he won't keep his promises to you.

So here comes the advice: you can do better than this. You deserve better than this. You deserve to look as good as you want, to have a cell phone and a driver's license and a man who will treat you with all the respect you deserve. So get yourself some makeup, study for the license exam, and find a cellphone contract you can handle. Then dump him. Make it as surgical as possible: no calls, no letters, no e-mail, no contact whatsoever. If he cries, give him a Kleenex and send him home to his wife. (Believe me, you don't need a crybaby.)

His happiness is not your responsibility, and he has no right to play games with your head. You do not have to convince him of anything, you do not have to answer to him, you owe him nothing. The only person you have to answer to is yourself. You deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve dignity and beauty and independence.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.

So I've recently admitted to myself that I'm bi sexual, or atleast bi curious. I a friend [we're both females] who is also bi curious. How to I tell her that I'm interested in experimenting with her?

..How do I tell her that and not sound like I just want to use her as a test subject or something? (link)

Lay it right out on the line: you're interested in other girls, and you'd much rather try it with someone you already know and like than with an anonymous hookup. Does she know you're bi-curious? Chances are she's got a bit of an eye for you too, and she's just waiting for a sign.

Then try kissing, and see what you think.

Hope this helps.

what do you think some good love songs are? i just really can't think of any good enough ones. i would reallllly like one in my relationship, and so does my bf. but he can't think of any either, and we don't have any "song we heard on first date" or anything. soo puh-leeze help mee!! (link)

Any particular genre?

One of my favorites is "I Never Talk to Strangers" by Tom Waits. It's an early piece, from his "Foreign Affairs" album. Nice jazzy stuff.

Another favorite: "Message to My Girl" by Split Enz. Very '80s pop, but good '80s pop.

"New York City" by They Might Be Giants. Upbeat, bouncy poppy tune about coming to NYC to meet your girlfriend.

"Crazy" by Patsy Cline. Classic country ballad.

Jim Croce is a '70s songwriter who did a lot of romantic stuff. Might not be to your taste, but it's worth checking out.

Hope this helps.

I'm 15/f

i just got out of an 11 month relationship with a boy named jimmy well i'll start by saying
i have a really messed up family..
and lately its really been taking its tole on me
i love my dad but he can be really verbally abusive to me when we get in arguments ;; calling me a cunt, bitch, that he hates me and wants me to get the fuck out the day i turn 18 and thats not the worst he's said to me.. my mom had phybromialga (when she does normal things like going up stairs a few times her knees will hurt her for days) and my mom is really unhappy with him a lot and takes off quite a bit leaving me to suffer but she needs his income

me and my dad got into a huge fight (it happens to often) but everytime it seems to be happening i freakout MORE AND MORE and i'm becomming a very angry person and its scary =[

i told my exboyfriend jimmy that i think we should take a break because i'm taking out my anger on him and things are way to messed up with my family that i cant handle fighting with him all the time as well ;; i felt like if i stayed with him we'd end up ending BADLY

well.. now he basically doesnt talk to me
i miss him and idn if i did the right thing
because its hurting me not being with him too
but on the other hand new cute boys are comming along and they make me feel exited and happy which i havent felt in a while =/
my friends are telling me i'm rebounding and that i need to stay alone for a while

It sounds to me like your relationship problems are just the beginning.

What your father is doing is emotional abuse. You do not deserve to be called foul names like that. Nobody does. The way your father treats you is affecting everything else in your life. You're justifiably angry, and it's going to get worse unless you can come up with an outlet.

Is there an adult you can trust with this? Have you spoken with a counselor at school? If you don't feel safe at home, the counselor may be able to come up with a better situation. I'm not talking foster care or anything like that, but perhaps some counseling for you or your father. You definitely need some sort of advocate, and an adult you can trust is a good place to start.

One more thing: my mom was in a similar situation when she was your age. She kept her grades up and got into college on a full scholarship. This was after years of her father telling her that she was useless and there was no point in educating her past high school. College is your way out, if nothing else is.