Are You Serial Dating the Church?

A few years ago, I was sitting at Chipotle eating lunch with a friend when we both looked up and saw a girl we both knew (we’ll call her Julia). We chatted with her for a minute, but when Julia walked away, we both looked at each other and said, “She used to be in my community group at church.” My friend and I both went to different churches and didn’t even realize that we both knew her. A couple of weeks later, my roommate asked if I knew Julia, and she casually mentioned that they were in the same community group at church. What I realized is that Julia had been in three different community groups at three totally different churches over the course of a few years.

Have you ever found yourself in a serial dating relationship with the church? It’s so easy to church-hop, but is it healthy and helpful? The fact of the matter is that we’re never going to be 100% satisfied with any local church, but our call is to dig in and be a part of the body of Christ. This serial dating mentality makes us often want to cut and run when we should be getting our hands dirty and engaging. The church doesn’t exist to simply meet our needs; we’re called to be a part of something much bigger than ourselves.

Julia was looking to find her place. She found a church, plugged in, and then stayed until something didn’t suit her, and then she moved on to another church and did the same thing. The church is made up of sinful, flawed people, so it’s no surprise that she found something or someone that didn’t work out in the end. But what could’ve changed if she had stuck around?

We are called to serve and be a part of the local church. Are there times when it’s okay to look for another church and make a change? Absolutely. But, if it becomes the norm that we’re just church-hopping because we’re unsatisfied, that’s when red flags go up.

Are you becoming frustrated with your pastor because he doesn’t preach like the pastors you listen to on a podcast? Maybe you should quit the podcast sermons for awhile and ask God to speak through your own pastor’s sermons. Are you having a hard time finding people your age at church, but you’re showing up 10 minutes late to the service each week and leaving when it’s over? Maybe you should ask where you can serve on Sunday mornings and let that be an opportunity to meet other church members.

If you’re still a member of your home church, but now you’re away at college, or you’ve graduated and are now living in another city, why haven’t you joined the church you’re currently attending? I heard a Discipleship Pastor compare it to keeping a gym membership in another state. Would you actually gain anything from it? How much good is it actually doing? 1 Corinthians 12 charges us to use our spiritual gifts to benefit the body of Christ (the church) and gives us several important reasons to engage with other believers. The Book of Acts gives a framework for how the church began and why it’s so important to be in community with other believers. Planting yourself in a church and becoming a church member provides a great sense of accountability and community. It’s never going to be perfect, but it’s an important decision to be a member of a local church.

Serial dating usually leads to trouble and frustration over time, and so can serial dating the church. Pray and ask that God would direct you to a church where you can plant yourself for the foreseeable future, if you aren’t already engaged in the life of a local church. Ask church leaders how you can get involved and serve, and don’t be surprised when you very quickly see the benefits of planting yourself in a local church. The church body will benefit from your gifts, and you’ll be a part of what God is doing on a much bigger scale. You have something to offer, so don’t miss the opportunity and blessing of investing through the local church.

Mary Margaret West serves as the Girls Ministry Specialist for LifeWay Christian Resources, and has a Master of Arts in Christian Education from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Mary Margaret has a passion to equip girls and women to dive deeply into God’s word and live out their calling. She also hosts LifeWay Women’s {MARKED}podcast. Mary Margaret and her husband Jonathan live in Franklin, Tennessee.

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Comments

Thank you. I have pastored in small towns in Idaho and Oregon for 25 years. I’ve been 11 years in my present ministry. It is common here for those under 60 to attend for years, but never commit. Often they willingly confess that they have one foot “out-the-door” because of something or another. I am continually saddened as I watch those faithful to membership (for whom I am so grateful) grow older and older.