McDonald’s Fries May Lead to Hairier Guys!

There's a link between McDonald’s French fries and hair growth. Just don't count on eating your way to a hairier you... at least if you want to stay alive.

A recent study out of Japan’s Yokohama National University has found that a chemical used in the making of McDonald’s French fries is linked to hair regrowth, which could provide a major breakthrough in curing baldness.

This explains a couple of things:

Why McDonald’s is usually full of teenagers with full heads of hair.

Why there’s usually also one middle-aged bald man there eating a large order of fries with an expression of hopeful desperation.

The study apparently involved isolating a chemical called dimethylpolysiloxane which is used primarily to prevent oil from overflowing in the deep fryer (I guess no one thought of just turning the deep fryer DOWN? Dummies.) The chemical was then injected into lab mice and made black hairs sprout from the injected area. So really, this is only good news for bald people who want a head full of black hair and are willing to rub boiling hot French fries on their scalp. Or I guess teenaged men who are willing to go the extra mile to get hair on their chest. And finally, lab mice who want that two-tone hair look popular with people who don’t quite understand how to use hair dye properly.

The president of the Canadian Hair Loss foundation, Dr. Jeff Donovan, warns that the study has been “grossly misinterpreted” and that ingesting French fries is highly unlikely to actually help spur hair growth. But he did point out what might actually help with hair growth: Cell-based therapies where “we take patients’ blood, spin it down to get the plasma and then inject it back into the scalp.”

Oh, is that all Dr. Frankenhair?

No, as it turns out. It isn’t.

“If we can somehow grow cells in a lab from harvesting a few hairs from a patient and turn it into millions of cells that we inject back into the scalp to actually grow hair, it would be the ultimate treatment for thinning hair.” Donovan continued.

Yes, well, if I could somehow get LeBron James to lend me a few DNA cells then maybe I could finally dunk. Though I’m not sure I could convince King James to “spin me some of his plasma” so I could grow it in a lab and then inject it into my feet.

But hey, you never know where science may lead right?

For instance, the discovery of Viagra occurred when researchers at Pfizer using the compound sildenafil which was thought to be effective in treating angina pectoris (chest pain due to heart disease) turned out to be better suited to inducing erections.

So now, a lot of men who should have stopped having sex a long time ago can still have sex. Right up until they have a heart attack during sex. At which point, Pfizer can’t help them.

So I say to all bald and balding men who now think that McDonald’s fries may cure their baldness, by all means, go for it!

Because it seems there is a slight chance that instead of being an overweight bald man you could now eat your way to being an obese man covered in dense black hair.

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