6 Family Circus Cartoons Improved with Dick Jokes

"How I Met Your Mother"? That Makes Me Think of How I Met Your Mother!

That shudder you just felt was your soul trying to slam its way out. The Family Circus has given up on being clever with puns or homonyms; it's now content to simply know what words mean. PG-13 was not ready for this. He's a robot built for comedy, and seeing something this unfunny put him in a very dark place:

Wait, What?

That's right, keep looking. As you stare at the agonized children, searching their surroundings for any sign of a comical context, let it sink in that there is no caption. It's just four crying children ... four crying children drawn by a madman. I don't even know who the target audience is for this insanity. Anyone who would enjoy it is only reading the newspaper to masturbate to the obituaries.

If you ever see this particular Family Circus on a person's refrigerator, duck. They're behind you with an axe. I was worried about handing the cartoon over to PG-13 since mixing a robot with pointless misery is exactly how we got the Slender Shaper.

When I stuffed the cartoon inside PG-13, he looked up at me for five minutes before whimpering, "ERROR." I know, buddy. I know. The poor little robot finally did its duty, though; outputting the only possible caption for this impossibly fucked cartoon.

PG-13 Reaches Its Limit

I think this is what happens when an airbag goes off on a little girl's head. I mean, it couldn't possibly be a joke, right? A page of 11's being mistaken for a page of 1's? That's not a punchline -- that's something you tell a neurologist to get him worried. This girl either has a stack of concussions or she's drawing a tiny graveyard for all the smiles Family Circus killed. This next analogy might get complicated, but The Family Circus is a lot like rape.

PG-13 went haywire as soon as this cartoon entered his intake port since the girl's paper actually says, "MALFUNCTION AND KILL" in binary. Luckily, several hours later, I found these two comics being clutched by something that may have once been a man.

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