Friday, May 28, 2010

The Casual Blogger Conference is here! If you are there, please find me and say hi. What an awesome weekend. It is kind of pitiful, you would think that I was going to Paris for a week. I was trying to figure out the last time I really had a day for some fun, um... that was like AUGUST! So fun, here I come.Wish me luck on the panels, I hope I don't make a fool of myself.Are you going?

Thursday, May 20, 2010

This morning, I am taking my daily medications. Which to my sorrow have multiplied beyond a vitamin and my anti depressant in the morning. I realized as I was swallowing down my pills, (with much gratitude every day. I might not like taking medication, but it is way better than being almost dead!) that my Bald Man and I are on the same hypertensive meds. (high blood pressure). I do not know why my high blood pressure was not a "silent killer" like my husband's, but mine was going to kill me very loudly. After I swallowed my pills, I looked at him and said, "how did they diagnose your hbp?" He said that he had gone in once and they said it was high and they put him on medication right away. Here is the list of my questions that followed:

They didn't make you come in over and over to "prove" you had hbp?NoThey didn't make you keep a log for two weeks of daily blood pressure to "prove" it wasn't white coat hypertension?NoThey didn't tell you it was in your head?NoThey didn't tell you to talk to a therapist about it, because you might be having panic attacks and didn't know it?NoThey didn't tell you that you have a stressful life and you need to reduce your stress?NoThey didn't tell you to go practice breathing and meditation for it?No.

Well that is certainly what I was told! And now I am MAD! By the way, we see the same doctor. As for the stressful life, ahem, we have the same frick'n life!A plate of misogyny with a side order of patriarchy. Blech.

Monday, May 17, 2010

I am feeling so much better! We finally have my blood pressure under control and I feel pretty darn good. I am leaving the beginning of June for Florida and my new grandson. I can hardly wait. It has been really tough on me to be so far away when my daughter needed me. I felt like a mama cat, with her baby stuck in a storm drain, meowing for help. I wanted to get to her but couldn't. I spent a lot of time praying.

I can't wait to kiss this face! Tigger!

Spring in Utah. It has been a cold and rainy/snowy Spring this year. But in spite of the weather, there continue to be signs that Spring is really here.

Baby sheepies!

Just to remind us Winter is not quite gone, snow, but pretty clouds!

You can see the green of Spring creeping up the mountain, pushing Winter away until next year.

Lilacs!

One of Ms. Tenacious' younger siblings...

The last soccer game of the Spring season

Beautiful granddaughters blooming!Can you believe it? When I started this blog, I had one grandchild. Now I have five!

Thanks for hanging in there thru the paucity of posts. I am hoping I am back on my blogging horse!

Monday, May 03, 2010

Sorry peeps, I am just not up for it today.I do have a new picture of Tigger though!

I really must brag about how proud I am of my daughter and son in law. Tigger was a tough little guy to get nursing, and I am so proud of his parents for hanging in there, calling in knowledgeable troops to help them and just for being so, well, I guess, tenacious! It can be a wonderful gift when the going gets tough. I couldn't ask for a more supportive daddy and husband for my daughter and grandson.

Blah, now onto to the not so great. As much I would love to not talk about it, my health continues to be a big issue, no matter how much I want to ignore it.I have developed high blood pressure and a high heart rate, for what reason, no one knows. Now, the American Heart Association calls hypertension, "the silent killer"They LIE! Lying liar mcliar pants! My high blood pressure is loud and noisy and not the least bit quiet. I am capable of telling where my blood pressure is, by how I am feeling. The higher it gets, the worse I feel. Tired is the big one. I also get really shaky. The higher it is, the shakier I get. To the point where I can't hold a book, sew, or even be on the computer. I HATE it. I was feeling so much better just a couple weeks ago and this set back has been tough on me emotionally. I keep saying, "I just want to feel better!"One of the hardest things about this is I never know how I am going to feel, from day to day or even hour to hour. Some days I wake up feeling great, other days, like today, I just turn around after Little Man is gone to school and go back to bed. I am learning to take advantage of when I am feeling good. There is one problem with this. Since I don't feel good all the time, or even half the time, I do not have enough time to do everything I want/should do. I have to plan my "good time" very carefully, giving myself enough room on each end of an activity to recover. I can push myself when I am not feeling really well, but I will pay for it, in a big way later. I am tired of being tired, tired of not feeling good. Tired of being sick, it feels like months and months of my life have been taken away from me. As, I guess they have. I am overall okay, not depressed, but it is a struggle sometimes to maintain a positive outlook. For now, hope that I will feel better at some point keeps me going. Now and then a little voice says, "what if this is the new normal?", I can't bear to think that, so I put duct tape on that little voice's mouth.My husband has been a hero through all this. He is patient with my inability to do things on some days and he is always asking me how I am feeling. I try to give him a heads up if I am feeling good when he leaves for work and later take a slide. I don't want him thinking dinner will be waiting, when I can barely get out of bed. He so far has been a saint and utterly patient with my physical weakness. It is so weird, after so many years of being able to push myself through sleepless nights, being sick, whatever, to not be able to do it anymore. I am not enjoying this current part of my life, but at the same time, when I have things to do that I enjoy, like playing with my grand babies, I put my whole self into it, laughing and enjoying the moment. In spite of not feeling well all the time, one thing I realize is that the moments are all we have. A hug, a kiss, a tickle, laughter, each should be cherished in its fullness at the very moment it happens. Slow down, before you get pushed down like moi, and really, really, enjoy the good moments as much as you can. Life AND health can be fleeting.

Saturday, May 01, 2010

My first grandson Tigger arrived yesterday morning. Pygmy Child was a warrior with a very long, difficult labor and I am so proud of her for not quitting. She got the home birth she wanted and a healthy baby boy. He weighs 7lbs, 7oz and is 19 1/2 inches long. He also had a 14 inch head! Now for the non midwifey types, that is a BIG head for a 7lb baby. It is more like a nine pound baby head. And Pygmy Child, in spite of her short stature (4ft7in) has her mama's more than adequate pelvis. I cried some last night, feeling so left out with not being there, but got over my self pity pretty quickly. June will be here soon enough, with plenty of days to love on my Tigger and daughter. I just want to tell everyone how proud I am of her, for being so brave, so stubborn, for believing in her body and the birthing process. I have no doubt whatsoever if she had had a hospital birth she would have had a c sec. (Which, when used as they are supposed to, as a life saving measure, are a blessing) In turn, it makes me so grateful that I was able to pass on my beliefs in childbirth and the wholeness of women to my daughters. Our family has changed as we add a new one to our fold. We feel so blessed. Welcome home Tigger, I know the angels celebrated your birth too.