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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Coach Character

While we're on the subject of the county fair...I think we need to discuss something. Just you and I. (In between your fifth load of laundry and calling the extension office to confirm: does the actual show start at 2:00 or does showmanship start at 2:00? Anxious grandparents must know.)Anyway, back to you and I. And our chat. Go refill your coffee. I'll wait.

I witnessed something this week. Within an hour of arriving to the county fair I saw an adult completely humiliate a child showing livestock. Their tactic:Stand ringside, verbally (and loudly) critique the showmanship of the child and wrap up the disgusting
charade by visually displaying disappointment in the kid.

I wanted to throw up. But I had just eaten a $6.50 Kemo sub and I couldn't waste that kind of money. Then I saw something I'd never seen before: a broken heart with a buzz cut, pig whip in his hand and tears on his cheeks. Unbearable. Let's chat. Showing livestock is about building character. It's about learning responsibility and working hard towards a goal and also understanding what makes sheep bloat. Which is, apparently, everything. Showing livestock is not about the adults' financial investment, the adults' prideful reputation or the adults living vicariously through someone a quarter of their size. Showing livestock is not about last names. Showing livestock is about building character. This isn't the National Western Stock Show, it's the county fair. And even if it was Denver, scolding - rather than coaching - your child in front of a national crowd isn't going to help in any way. This is where your child will meet the friend that they'll go on Spring Break 2023 with. You'll approve the trip because they're "in 4-H together". This is local. This is your back forty. These people - the ones gauging how you react to winning or rejection - are their village. **By the way: One of the young men your daughter is showing against will probably take her to prom in five years. Brace yourself. Showing livestock is about building character. Your kid isn't going to make a living precisely parading livestock, keeping the flawless stock between himself and the judge. Your kid may go on to make a living breeding and selling sought genetics, building relationships far and wide, developing a brand and cultivating a passion which generations to come will benefit from. But perfect showmanship tactics? They come and go. The county fair is the place to cultivate those interests and polish those talents. No one becomes famous here. Calm down.

And when you throw a fit? You're giving them permission to do the same.

And when you return to the stalls or the show box and bad mouth the judge? You're teaching them how to discount anyone who ever offers them constructive criticism.

In a world where kids get trophies

for showing up to three practices,

constructive criticism is crucial!

Little Eyes Upon You

There are little eyes upon you

and they're watching night and day.

There are little ears that quickly

take in every word you say.

There are little hands all eager

to do anything you do;

And a little girl who's dreaming

of the day she'll be like you.

You're the little angel's idol,

you're the wisest of the wise.

In her little mind about you

no suspicions ever rise.

She believes in you devoutly,

holds all you say and do;

She will say and do, in your way

when she's grown up just like you.

There's a wide-eyed little girl

who believes you're always right;

and her eyes are always opened,

and she watches day and night.

You are setting an example

every day in all you do;

For the little girl who's waiting

to grow up to be like you.

Kimberly Sedlacek

Showing livestock is about building character. Trust me. No one comes to the county fair and expects to lose. No one puts their family through the familiar hell that is the week before the county fair for the heck of it. You've worked hard to coordinate. The kids are tired. The stock is ready. You're fixin' to hide in a closet and shut off your phone. I get it. But everyone - everyone - comes to compete and do their best. Their very best. Your kid included.

Showing livestock is about building character. At the end of the day - or the auction - showing livestock teaches kids how to win graciously and lose gracefully. Appreciate the blue ribbons. Accept the rejection letter. Balance a check book. Read a feed sack label. Find confidence in a flood of embarrassment. Fail the interview but dominate the closure handshake. Sincerely thank the judge that buried the best steer that will ever come off of the farm. Because - who knows - that very judge may hire her right out of grad school, a decade later. I'll let you get back to your coffee. And laundry. (If you don't want to have to iron your underwear, now might be a great time to get the clothes out of the dryer, by the way.)

13 comments:

We have three more weeks until our county fair. I always think to myself when we are doing chores, that we are building character and raising our kids in the barn. This is fine with me. I grew up that way, too.

Well said.. I worked livestock control at the Iowa State Fair for 10 years .. That's behind the seans to the general public . Saw enough of this behind and in the barns... NOT ,,,, fun .... On the other hand,I saw family members pull together as a team that would humble any one with a heart ... The ones the had the rough ego "RING SIDE KNOW IT ALL" for a **%#@ coach were in trouble before the Fair was over ... Water finds a crack when under too much presser .... This author is spot on....

Greetings from rural north central Oregon! I'm the 4-H Youth Development Coordinator in our county and would love to have permission to reprint all or part of this blog post in our upcoming July newsletter (our fair is in August). May I? cindy.brown@oregonstate.edu

By working the swine shows, I witnessed the same thing and thought where is the fun in 4-H? It's one thing to be competitive but we need to remind the adults involved that these showmen need to have fun and enjoy what they are doing. I would love to remind parents that they need to smile and "enjoy the ride" also. Great blog!!