regularly or frequently behave in a particular way or have a certain characteristic.’

It’s quite apt that the word for today is ‘tend’ as the theme of my week has been to focus on taking care of ones self and how I can improve the ways I do this. I listen to what my body is telling me – I have to, If I didn’t i’d almost certainly never leave my bed, let alone the house. I guess what i’m getting at, is i’ve decided to reflect, and pay attention to the ways i’ve been looking after myself, the things I tend to do every day and switch it up a little, to become more mindful.

Every day I tend to have a nap – this past week i’ve been practising laying down and meditating, just being still and silent. Breathing gently in time with my dogs, stroking their ears and thinking about all things i’ve accomplished so far that day, or all the things I am thankful for – I have found this works better (on a good day) than having a full blown 2 hour nap – yes that happens, it’s worse on a bad day!

I guess what i’ve realised this last week is that self care is important but maybe the thing you’re naming self care, isn’t the best form of self care you can be giving yourself. Is sitting and binge watching an entire series while eating crap really self care?

Afternoon everyone, it’s been a while since I last did a blog post – I apologise, But – I am back, I’m in a better place again and have decided to start this up again.

The issue with M.E is every single day is unpredictable and can be the best day ever or the worst day ever – I literally have to take each day as it comes which as you can imagine is extremely frustrating and makes me unreliable. I dread making plans incase I have to cancel on the day, or incase I fall asleep after being up all night and miss the plans.

As you can imagine – this causes quite a bit of stress which then in turn, makes me more ill, it’s a vicious cycle and can be an awful trap to fall into (which I’ve done plenty of times)

I guess it’s the act of anticipating I’m going to be ill, gets me stressed and then I end up ill – I suppose it’s a form of anxiety – does anyone else experience this?

Moving on! Haha, it’s Friday! My favourite day of the week, I love Fridays, there’s an unbeatable energy in the air that just makes it a universally happy day. It’s very difficult to be sad on a Friday – i can’t be the only one that feels this way. I guess it stems from being an empath.

I’ve not got much else to say apart from I’m back! But one last thing, today was extra happy as I got a some post I’ve been dying to get my hands on, I’m going to post a review over the weekend so keep your eyes peeled!

Evening, Just a short blog post today, talking about one of my favoruite comfort dishes, thats super easy to make.

Anyone reading this with a chronic illness, will get that it can be so hard to cook a proper meal. The majority of my meals take under 2 minutes to make or it’s something I can shove in the oven and wait for it to be ready. I’m like a wannabe chef, I love food, I love to eat even more – but drop me out when it comes to slaving over a hot stove. Not by choice mind, once in a blue moon i’ll cook something from scratch that requires me to stand (or sit) at the hob. Today was not one of those days, but I fancied something homely.

This is where one of my favourites my mum used to make when I lived at home, Cheesey Tuna Pasta bake, the ultimate comfort food, in my opinion. It helps that it’s probably one of the easiest things to make. While the Pasta was simmering I did my washing up – love a good multitask. Then all i did was put in chopped toms, tuna into a dish and topped with cheese – popped into oven for 45 mins..

After it had been in the oven for 10 minutes, I remembered I wanted to add peppers and some chilli powder so quickly did that before adding more cheese and putting back in oven.

Today has been full of ‘oops i forgot’ becuase I then left it in the oven for 15 minutes too long – owell it was still perfect with a nice layer of cripsy cheese on top.

I always cook too much on purpose so i can eat what i’ve cooked up for the next few days, It’s hard to get the proper nutrients and enough ‘proper food’ when trying to manage a chronic illness, so it works for me to cook up a big batch.

For comparison sakes, that was my dinner and then I had a bowl of cereal for tea.

I’ve not posted in a while, so apologies! I’ve been really struggling with my M.E and the side effects, mainly insomnia ATM, I’m like a walking zombie.

Doctor has given me a new tablet to try which is a pain killer and makes you drowsy so hopefully that does the trick and I’m back to ‘normal’ soon.

Not much has been happening as I’ve been focused on ‘getting better’ and have been resting almost 24/7.

I’ve done a few shoots in the studio with Sean Taylor photography here’s the results – he makes me look well lol!

I have also found a new obsession for wax melts – I’m serious guys, this stuff is the bomb. Yeah alright I’m a 90s kid I can still say that!

I’ll attach some pics but because I joined as a Brand Ambassador I got over 100 melts – which will be why I’m hooked!! Oops, owell!! The company is called Darceys and they handmake the lot. It’s all made with soy wax which means no paraffin or nasty chemicals. It’s also cruelty free if you’re vegan.

My knees have been playing up something chronic the last two days, it’s like they seize up – really weird. However I’ve invested in a deep tissue foam roller to hopefully help keep the blood flowing and ease the tension in my spine/back as that’s also been bad the last three days! Let’s see if it improves with use of my new toy. So wooo pancake day was yesterday! I ate my weight in pancakes, however I rely on the microwaveable packs and they’re just as good with minimal effort! Would recommend, it meant I could happily take part in pancake day and still do everything I needed too (go to the post office, supermarket and walk the puppers *3 gold stars for me*).

The best thing happened though, shout out to Asda and their yellow stickers – I got a 5 pack of jam donuts for 26p! And when I opened it there was 6 donuts, buzzing!

My sleep is still all over the place but getting better, I was asleep from 5pm-1.30am then 5am – 11.00 hoping for an early night tonight and getting back to normal!

While I want this blog to be, a positive thing, I have to acknowledge the bad times. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be doing myself justice, nor would I be helping myself. I want to celebrate the good times without ignoring the bad. Khalil Gibran said:

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”

So here goes, this lil sleeping beauty right here (when she FINALLY got to sleep at 3am) slept for over 10 hours last night, what??? I hear you say in your head.. yep and get this… I woke up STILL utterly exhausted. Fantastic, not. I’m on sleeping tablets at the moment due to insomnia.. Again ‘what, but you’re always tired??’ I hear you mutter. Well, it’s a side effect of M.E, how damn cruel is that. So anyway, I woke up at 1.30pm and dragged myself out of bed after my dogs jumped all over me to say good morning, well that’s what I tell myself, really it’s ‘we’re hungry’ and ‘we need a wee’ but we’ll stick to its good morning.

I haven’t showered today, but I did my makeup and got dressed… as in I put on actual jeans instead of sticking on a pair of sweat pants like normal. I decided my hair was fine as it was, it reminded me of Clementines hair from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. . Second Gold star of the day for me! The first was for making beans on toast. I guess my third gold star is for walking the dogs, I never really acknowledge this as a ‘accomplishment ‘ as it’s just something I HAVE to do, for them. However, it is an accomplishment and a big one, for anyone who has M.E will know, the smallest bit of exercise can be detrimental, and yet every day even if i do nothing else – my dogs will get walked.

I then, begrudgingly went to town. I’ve had some items to return/exchange for a few weeks and haven’t been well enough to make the journey. I wasn’t well enough to today to be honest, but I knew I needed to go before time ran out and I was stuck with items I didn’t want. I immediately regretted this decision when, 5 minutes into the bus journey I started to get a headache. I made the journey though and managed to return the items and buy a few goodies to cheer myself up, including cookies and a carpet cleaner.. Isn’t being an adult fun! So my fourth and fifth gold stars are for the bus journeys and the sixth gold star is for walking around the shops, because boy did my legs and feet start to hurt very quickly. They were numb the entire bus journey home – I opted to get a taxi up the hill to my house, especially as I still had to nip into the supermarket.

I’m now currently sat on my sofa, with one dog asleep across my belly and the other curled up at my side – counting my blessings and my issues!!

Having suffered with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis for all of my teenage years and still suffering half way through my twenties, with seemingly no end in sight I am embarking on a mission of sorts.

This mission, is to discover all the things ‘magical’ in my life.

As many people with any Chronic Illness will tell you, it is very easy to get caught up and focus only on all the bad things, especially when it’s gone on for so long. It doesn’t mean we don’t acknowledge the good things going on in our lives, it’s more that the good things take a backseat due to being overshadowed by the pain or because we haven’t showered in a week (or longer!), maybe we had a breakdown when we burnt our dinner after forgetting to set a timer.

I do not intend to ignore the bad things, they are very real and need to be talked about – if only for my own insanity – however I do not plan on dwelling on them. Instead for each ‘bad thing’ that happens in my day, I intend to also find one good thing. I will celebrate the small achievements I make throughout the day and give myself big fat gold stars and a pat on the back.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I’ve had my notifications turned off all day, and ignored all messages – purely out of self-care, it is exhausting having conversations sometimes and I need a time out every now and then. However, I walked my dogs, I cooked eggs and beans for breakfast and I had a shower, even though I put comfies on as soon as i got out, I am feeling happy and content – if not utterly exhausted.

1Love, Chloe.

Myalgic Encephalomyelitis – Pain of the muscles and Inflammation of the brain and spinal cord Aka Chronic Fatigue Syndrome