Run Committed

Own It

I’m sitting in the audience of a stage production Katie’s camp is doing. For the past two summers, Katie has attended a 3 week drama camp and simply loved it. The productions have been what you would expect from a 3 week summer camp, attended by kids ranging in age from 7 – 18. It is NOT Broadway, but the joy on Katie’s face when she is performing is simply priceless and makes it all worthwhile. As I sit in the audience before the show, I overhear a conversation between two mothers. Normally I am not the eavesdropping type, but these two ladies are sitting right next to and directly in front of me, so it is hard not to listen to their droning. From what I can tell, their girls are probably in the 11 – 13 age range, and have been attending the camp long enough to have “graduated” from the chorus roles. These two are complaining about how there are too many little kids at this camp, that there shouldn’t be so many, how in last year’s production it seemed that too many little one missed a step here or there.

I’m thinking to myself, what do they think this is, Summerstock? They go on and on complaining that it’s about time their daughters got roles that were bigger and more important (I wonder if they had ever heard the phrase “there are no small roles, only small actors”). But it isn’t this incessant droning that gets my hackles up. No, up to this point, I am simple amused by their silliness. But then one of them says this:

“You know what else I’m going to complain about? Too many snacks. They let these kids eat too much candy. It’s ridiculous. She comes home having eaten 5 packs of M&M’s. I’m going to have to make Jenny* run around the block a dozen times just to drop her weight back to normal!

Now, I agree that running is a great way to drop weight. I also agree that candy during snack time is not a great idea. But did I mention that these snacks that the camp “gave” to the kids had to be purchased BY the kids? Let that one digest for a second.

Right, candy was available for purchase. It was not given to them freely. So, although I think that maybe the camp could have provided better choices for purchase, I don’t think the blame for Jenny’s extra few pounds falls anywhere near the camp. In order for these kids to be able to purchase their snacks, guess where they had to get their money? Oh, I don’t know, maybe from you Mom? I wonder if the mom ever considered having a serious discussion about making healthy choices with her daughter before she handed over some spending cash.

Each snack cost $1.50. I would hand Katie $2 and tell her to pick something relatively healthy, but I also told her that every once in a while feel free to pick something junky. Most of the time, she chose pretzels. I would also pack both fresh and dried fruit in her lunch, which she ate 90% of the time.

My point is this. As the parent, you need to “own” the choices you give your children. There is a great commercial that aired a while back where a mom was with her daughter, making sure she did the right thing every time a choice came up. At the end of the commercial, you realize that the mom isn’t really there, it’s her presence that is there, helping the child make the proper decisions. The commercial ends saying, if you don’t talk to your children about drugs, how will they know what to do?

Well, the same goes with nutrition and food choices. If you’re gonna hand your daughter $10 everyday (a whole other topic in and of itself) and let her loose in a candy store, don’t expect the candy sellers to give sound advice to your child. That’s the parent’s job. Preventative care (talking to the child beforehand) is a lot easier than treating the results of poor choices. Some of you may say, well, how do you know your kid is making the right choices? Well, you don’t know for sure. In part you have to have faith that you if you believe you have done all you can, then your child will make the right choice. A few years back, when Katie was 7, she was at a friend’s house for a playdate, the mother called me about 30 minutes before I was supposed to pick her up. She reassured me that everything was fine, but that Katie had asked the parent to call to make sure it was okay for her to have ice cream. It’s not that we don’t eat ice cream in our house. We just generally don’t eat it shortly before dinner. Point is, she was thinking about her choices. She was 7.

We need to own the choices we make when it comes to taking care of ourselves. These two moms in the audience obviously expected their kids to simply know what was okay to do. Without talking to their children, how could they? In addition, I seriously have to wonder why they continued to line their girls’ pockets with cash when they refused to make healthier choices. Or why they simply didn’t send healthy snack with their children in the morning. I’m pretty sure the various snacks I sent Katie to camp with (including vacuum baked bananas, greek olives, a variety of fruit, even some all-natural beef jerky) cost less per day than the $10 these ladies were each spending daily.

There’s nothing wrong with indulgence. This past week, while on vacation, I’ve had more ice cream I think that I’ve had in all of 2010! Indulgence is a good thing. But what is the point of indulgence if we do it everyday? Can you even call it that if you’re doing it everyday?

I guess my point in the end is you can’t blame anybody else if you don’t give your child the tools to make the right decision when it comes to nutrition and fitness. With those tools, they will in all likelihood, make the right decision more times than not. Without those tools, you can bet, the wrong choice will be made every time.

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6 Responses

Great blog Matt. Funny you say this. Our youngest son is figuring out all the new freedom of his first year in Jr. High. While we normally pack his lunch and he’s a freak of nature because he will actually pack vegetables in his own lunch, we noticed his (supposed to be used occasionally) lunch account was draining fast. Found out he got hooked on the $1.50 cookies–you are soooo busted! Occasional indulgence is okay (myself included,) but habits start at the head of the family. Ty

never saw this coming. thought for sure you were going down the road of-girls don’t need the pressure to be a “normal weight, cause that is what bothered me, just as much, if not more, (job hazard ) then the nutrition part(another job hazard). we are not living in a society of taking repsonsilibilty, instead its quick fix and who’s to blame. so I commend you for writing about responsibilty AND nutrition cause both topics are a BIG part of my life, personally and professionally. rock on my friend!

On top of everything you said (which I agree with wholeheartedly), I think the mother’s commentary sends a dangerous precedent for an eating disorder. It wasn’t about the health of the snacks and what they provide the body, it was about not being fat. And it sounds to me like Mom is putting her own insecurities and desires for fame over her daughters feelings.

We live in a society of blame, where it is too easy to absolve ourselves of our responsibilities and blame schools, the government, the economy, or anything else we can think of for our weaknesses. Thanks for providing another example and a reminder of what I need to focus on as my boys grow older and face the temptations of independence.