Insanity lives Here

I look at my children and their sweet, beautiful faces, and I think nothing but happy thoughts. I see their smiles and their eyes filled with wonder and realize just how blessed I truly am. I’m surrounded by innocence and hope for the future. I thank the good Lord above for the gifts I’ve been given and then I remember.

I’m no doctor, but I’m sure that my children are insane.

Otherwise, how do you explain laughing, crying and screaming all within 3 minutes? Or how they jump up and down and demand that you buy them a certain toy only to never touch it again. Or how they can live on nothing but milk and cookies, and Kraft Dinner. And seriously, how in the world can someone need to desperately pee every 5 minutes when you’re out shopping.

Who knew that NOT having your socks reach all the way to your knees would cause so much drama? That if you filled your bathtub all the way to the top and jumped off the sides that you wouldn’t necessarily break your neck, but that you could flood the basement? That sharpies do work exactly like make-up, and that nail clippers could be used to cut your hair.

I never would’ve believed that it was possible to hold your breath for 5 minutes just so you wouldn’t have to eat the vegetables on your plate. Or if you screamed at the top of your lungs for 15 minutes that you wouldn’t lose your voice. And most amazingly, if you yell mosquito really loud, you can smack your sister 30 times before someone gets the bug spray and makes you stop.

I cut the crust off of sandwiches, and only buy polar fleece hoodies. I search the stores for girls shirts that have sleeves like boys. I only buy wildberry juice because fruit punch is disgusting. Nutella is the only thing that can go on toast, and yogurt must NEVER have chunks in it. Ketchup must be Heinz and peanut butter must be made by Kraft. You can only buy banana slurpees at Macs, and even though they’re called Frosters, they must be called slurpees. Blanket’s must be tucked in when you sleep and if you don’t have at least 3 pillows, you can kiss a smooth bedtime good-bye. Hot Chocolate can never be hot, it has to be perfectly warm with 8 marshmallows. Who knew???

Until I had kids, I knew nothing of these lessons. I just assumed that kids would be sweet and cute and do as I said. Instead, my days are spent doing completely irrational things to keep the nutbars at bay. I corral, redirect, smile, agree or just shake my head. I spend a lot of time standing there with my mouth wide open or trying desperately not to laugh. Somedays, I’m just as confused as they are and yet, I’m expected to be the one in charge.

Insanity most definitely lives here.

Funny thing is, in spite of it all, I wouldn’t change my life for anything. I would appreciate a trip to a padded room every now and then though. Doesn’t that sound heavenly?

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