Just look at this shitty tree.

We probably have one of the most pathetic Christmas trees you’ve ever seen. Charlotte just put it up, so from that statement alone you can probably take a guess as to how good it is. If not, look at this thing:

I know, I know. You have no idea what to even start to be jealous of. Is it the wonky tree? The half-broken lights? Those terrible silver beads which don’t even go all the way around the tree?

If I were you, I’d be jealous of the tacky ornaments. Oh yes, there are some of those too.

Honestly, can someone tell me what this is? We’ve had this since I can remember, and I can see it’s probably supposed to be an angel, but Christ, look at that thing. It doesn’t even have a face. Is it supposed to scare us? I don’t know.

Yeah, this is one of those ornaments that really show how tacky Christmas is. What do bears have to do with it? Why do I want that on a tree? We also have an ornament of a mouse in similar “Christmas” attire, and a bear in a box. I know, weep for me.

Yep, we also have shitty cardboard Santas, too! When will the fun end? This basically looks like my mam saw these in the shops for 49p and thought, “hey, why the hell not? They’re cheap!”. I could do better in my sleep.

Oh, and if you’re all wondering, I didn’t forget the tinsel. Hell no. I wonder how much money people would cough up for charity if I promised to burn this thing after New Years. We’d probably cure cancer.