A good friend of mine says, “in a relationship where there is no disagreement someone is not being heard — their opinion is not being counted.” Conflict is not a bad thing. It is a natural part of every relationship; however, unresolved conflict can grow, fester and become extremely destructive. Below I have outline a blueprint for resolving conflict. Follow these 10 steps and you are well on your way to happy and healthy relationship.

Choose a specific time and place to discuss the issue you have conflict about. Don’t try to solve issues in the heat of the moment or just before bed when everyones is tired. This requires restraint; but, it is worth it.

Define one problem to discuss. Don’t try and solve every issue in your relationship at once.

Understand how you contribute to the problem and take responsibility for it. Do this without blaming your partner.

Make a list of past attempts to solve this conflict that were not successful. There is no sense in continuing to do things that don’t work.

make a list of possible new solutions. Let the creativity flow. Include crazy ideas.

Discuss and evaluate possible solutions with your partner.

Agree on one solution.

Agree on how each of you will work toward the solution.

Set up another meeting (be specific about time and location) to discuss your progress.