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$$ $$ $$ $$"""" $ `$b$ $$"""" $$ $$ """
nSSn nSSi SSn "Sbnn" nSn `SS "Sbnn" "SbdS"
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$$ "" `n' n$$nnn
$$ .d$$b. $$$nd$bnd$b nnn $$$nd$b $$ .d$$b. $$$nd$b $$$nd$b
$$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ S$ $$ $$
$$ i$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$ $$"""" $$ $$ $$
"SbndS" "SbdS" nSSi SSn SSn nSSi nSSi SSn "Sbn" "Sbnn" nSSi nSSi SSn
.......... ......... ........ ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . . . .
. . . . .. ... .... ..... ...... ....... ........ ......... ..........
t h e n e o - c o m i n t e r n e l e c t r o n i c m a g z i n e
I n s t a l l m e n t N u m b e r 1 0 3
LANOITANRETNI ht5 EHT ERA EW - WE ARE THE 5th INTERNATIONAL
0002 ,ht42 lirpA - April 24th, 2000
CMB :rotidE - Editor: BMC
:sretirW - Writers:
sigaaH roinuJ - Junior Haagis
CMB - BMC
d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
;P Featured in this installment .b
$ $
$ The Secret Origin Files (Part One)- Junior Haagis $
$ My Terrible Gameshow Dream- BMC $
`q p'
`nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn'
EDITOR'S NOTE
Tonight is dream night in Cominternland, so grab a blanket and here's
a rocking chair for one of you, and here's a big armchair for two more to
curl up in. The stories are tender, so you might also want to have a box of
tissue handy in case you start to weep as I am doing right now.
d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
;P THE SECRET ORIGIN FILES- PART ONE .b
`q by Junior Haagis p'
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*The Secret Origin Files are the chronicles of Mr. Haagis in his attempt to
find the one place from whence he came. This is the first in a series of
several dozen tales in which Junior thinks he's onto something, but ends up
being a horrid misadventure based on delirium, exhaustion, dangerous
intoxication, stress induced nausea, homosexual euphoria, or Satanic pixies.
Tonite's Episode -
PROJECT TITAN
PART I - Birth Of A Dream
I had a dream the other night. I'm flying through space....naked.
WHOOOOOSHHHH!
No big deal. I'm naked all the time. Lost my privates long ago, though. But
I am wearing my bullshit protector.
Anyhoo, I find myself travelling a long distance from the surly bounds of
our Earth, past Mars, through the asteroid belt, and hurtling onwards to the
outer-reaches past Pluto and beyond.
Hang-on...
Where the fuck's Mercury?! CHRIST this is frustrating!! I'm so FUCKING COLD!
I hang a U-ey. Some celestial beacon calls out to me from the stars. A
kindred presence reaching out over millions of miles. Is it perhaps my
fabled home-world? The place where I was born? Am I in fact...alien?
Oh shit! I didn't bring a heat-sheild! How the hell am I gonna get back on
any planet?! No problem. I just exhaled my only breath of air. As the pretty
asphyxiation sparkle-sparkles all around me, I see a single planetoid out of
corner of my eye. It's faceless, immense surface is only surpassed by the
ringed sphere that it orbits.And millions upon millions of beings, not
unlike myself, riddle it's landscape. Looking upwards as I soar over-head,
they sing a song of welcome ,and love, and praise to me...
"BULLSHIT PROTECTORRRR!!...WE LIKE YOUR BULLSHIT PROTECTORRRR!!
I smile from ear-to-ear. I am home. I am with my people. I am being torn
apart. Holy SHIT!
I awaken from my dream to find BMC has sicked the C.H.U.D.S. on me again. Oh
well. No matter. It's all so clear to me now. I have heard of this place. A
moon of planet Saturn. They call it Titan. The largest moon in the solar
system. As my body is ravaged between serrated teeth, I quickly fall back
to sleep to dream once again of Titan. And as I do so, the image is warped.
Titan is replaced by a tit. The biggest tit in the solar system.
END OF PART I
d""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""b.
;P MY TERRIBLE GAMESHOW DREAM .b
`q by BMC p'
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The other day someone asked me what I would do if I ever became rich.
I cried for a minute while thinking about how making lots of money seems to
be the prime indicator of success in this society, and then I went blank. I
couldn't think of anything that I would want to buy if I had lots of money
except for a swimming pool full of ground beef, and I knew that wasn't the
type of thing I should be saying out loud. I thought about it a bit more
and couldn't think of anything, so I left that person without an answer.
The next day I came up with something!
"Jeah, I know," I said to Cog, "I'd get a liscense plate with BMC
written on it!" "What are you talking about?" he asked. "I don't know,"
I responded. Then I remembered, and I told him that it was a plan to spend
my wealth once the inevitable occured and I was rolling in gold doubloons.
He told me that it only costs fifty dollars to get a personalized plate, and
I was crushed.
I went back to the cemetary, where I hide when I am trying to
philosophize, and I ended up falling asleep and having a fantastic dream!
I was rich, and I was using my hoarde of wealth as Jesus Christ
would have wanted me to do. I was the host of a flashy gameshow, and it was
called "The Neo-Comintern." I guess I'm even a plagiarist in my dreams.
"Wow, this is what it's like to be rich!" I thought. Then the show started
and the announcer listed off the prizes.
"The winner of today's game gets to have sex with the BMC, and the
runners up have the privelage of administering oral sex upon him!"
Interestingly, this did not seem shocking or out of the ordinary to me at
all.
Anyway, the show was getting under way, and the layout was pretty
much like Let's Make a Deal. There were three curtains, and behind curtain
one there was a box of fire. Curtain two was lifted to reveal a man-eating
monster, and the beautiful contestant chose curtain number three. The
curtain was raised, and behind it her and I were having sex. It didn't make
much sense, but it was a good dream.
Then I woke up, shouted, "I wish I was dead!" got out of bed, and
headed off to write my first final. Fuck continuity.
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___________________________________________________
|THE COMINTERN IS AVAILIABLE ON THE FOLLOWING BBS'S |
|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|
| BRING ON THE NIGHT (306) 373-4218 |
| CLUB PARADISE (306) 978-2542 |
| THE GATEWAY THROUGH TIME (306) 373-9778 |
|___________________________________________________|
| Website at: http://members.home.com/comintern |
| Email BMC at: thebmc@home.com |
|___________________________________________________|
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Copyright 2000 by The Neo-Comintern #103-04/24/00
All content is property of The Neo-Comintern.
You may redistribute this document, although no fee can be charged and the
content must not be altered or modified in any way. Unauthorized use of any
part of this document is prohibited. All rights reserved. Made in Canada.