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All children look up to their fathers; this is obvious as most men are at least a good two feet taller than your average five-year-old. I’m not sure I’d go as far as saying my father was my hero—by the time I met him, he had been somewhat beaten down by life (read: his wife). However, to this day, I admire his wisdom, patience and the way his hair flicks up over his left ear (but not his right). He’s a man of few words, but I’ve learned a lot from him. Here are a few of my favourite fatherly gems:

1. Keeping a precise scorecard of a baseball game deserves as much respect as hitting a game-winning grand slam.

2. Never use your teeth to do anything but chew.

3. If you can’t be bothered to lace up your shoes, just buy loafers.

4. A good man keeps a tidy garage.

5. Any boy with a spitting habit should never be invited into the house.

Of course, no man is perfect. He’s not a great dancer, occasionally wears trousers an inch too short, and married my mother. But I can only think of one or two other men who would have been preferable as a father figure so overall I feel quite lucky.

Thank Heavens

Having recently parted ways with her publisher, Rupert Stanley Quim, Miss Agatha Whitt-Wellington has asked Christopher, the boy who trims her bush, to show her how to publish her thoughts on the Internet. Now no one need be denied of her musings. How lovely!
To find out more about this mysteriously seductive woman, please peruse "Agatha: The Miss Behind the Myth" above.

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