Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Korlach/Alexandra/Rod Dialogues

Kohrlach: What the--?Rod: Hey! How--?Alexandra: Lord Winston?K: Who are you people?R: Who are you?K: I am Kohrlach the Magnificent, god of the dark realm. And you?R: I'm Superman the Stupendous, asshole. What about you, lady?A: Lord Winston was about to ask for my hand! What happened? What is this place?K: Good question. Odd that it has no doors or windows. You humans are so attached to them.R: Us humans? You're sticking to your god story? If you're so powerful, how about getting me back to court. I was about to sum up for the jury.K: I'll be happy to send you back--as soon as I've sucked the soul from your body. Oh, wait, you're a lawyer. I'm too late.[EE]A: Oh dear, a deus ex machina. And I was having such a supreme courtship...[Bernita]R: Deus who? Your French is a little rusty, lady. It's called a menage a trois.K: The only way a menage is happening is if I turn Superman here into Jessica Alba.R: You keep talking about your powers. How about a demonstration? [EE]K: Don't tempt me, you worthless chaser of ambulances, I'll turn you into a puppy dog.A: Shouldn't that be ambuli?R: Just a second, babe. We're talking here.A: Babe? I am a young woman; about to be betrothed to Lord Winston. Are you at all familiar with Lord Winston?K & R: (Simultaneously) I've had dealings. [anon.]R: Now we're getting somewhere. We all know Lord Winston. How?A: Well... I lost my virginity to Lord Winston when I was seventeen.K: One time, I shape-shifted to become an erotic love goddess from the planet Minge. I visited your puny world and... Winston had his way with me; as a woman. There's nothing wrong with that. What's your story, Earth lawyer?R: Well, I, uh... I was young. Law school ain't cheap, and... Well, you know Winston, he's quite the charmer... [anon.]A: (Gasps, audibly.)K: (His dark eyes redden, a fiendish glow.)R: Well, I can't say this has been fun, but I have to get back to court. My clients in the East End keep me tied up, figuratively speaking.K: You whore!R: We all have our price.K: I do it for pleasure.A: I did it for love. I love Lord Winston. He is the love of my life!R: Right. Now, which way takes me back to London?[anon.]K: Ah, London. Now, that is a place I am very familiar with. My work takes me there often. Perhaps you know Mr. Bla--R: Whoa. No names, no pack drill. That could get us in even more trouble. Focus. We have to work out why we're here.A: Well, I'm sure I have no idea. As I said, I was about to accept Winston's proposal, then suddenly... What were you doing? [anon.]K: Nothing...A: You were, I saw you. What were you doing?R: What have you got in your hand?K: Nothing -- see?R: No, the other one.K: Nothing, look.A: What about that one?K: Ahh... You got me there. [anon.]R: Give that here.A: What is it? Maybe it it explains why we're here in this doorless room?R: It appears to be some sort of map. If only we could work out what it means...[anon.]R: What are those things tacked to the wall over there in the corner?K: Hey, some portraits. Check out the sexy literary guy! [anon.]A: A man like this could make a girl forget all about Lord Winston.R: Hell, a man like this could make a guy forget he's straight.K: I've decided to devote my life to finding this man--or god, as the case may be.A: I'm coming with you.R: Hey, wait for me! [EE]