'Cocaine Mitch' Swag Buys Years More Marijuana Prohibition

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has been plastered all over the news over the past week due to his latest scheme to raise campaign funds by peddling a t-shirt for his fans playing off the nickname “Cocaine Mitch.” For the most part, anti-drug advocates are outraged that McConnell would dare use a reference to hard drugs as a means for securing the kind of money needed to help him clinch the 2020 election. They are especially miffed since the United States is in the midst of one of the most devastating drug epidemics in all of history.

But what they have failed to take into account is that this is American politics, dagnabbit, and as always, it is anything goes when it comes to keeping the swamp monsters of D.C. in control for all of eternity.

It seems that someone in McConnell’s camp has convinced him to capitalize on the hard-hitting alias he was given over a year ago. That’s when Republican Senate candidate Don Blankenship ran a slaughter campaign against McConnell, referring to him as “Cocaine Mitch” in a series of advertisements.

The slam was intended to open old wounds from that time back in 2014 when the Colombian Coast Guard discovered nearly 90 pounds of cocaine aboard a cargo vessel owned by a company operated by McConnell’s in-laws. It was a huge story when it broke, and, as you might imagine, it earned McConnell a significant amount of less-than-flattering press. Some media outlets suggested the Senator may actually have connections to black market drug operations, while others went as far as refer to him as Keyser Söze. I may have had a hand in both of those if I’m being frank.

The red t-shirt that McConnell’s team is selling ($35 at teammitch.com), which shows the image of a faceless man with what appears to be cocaine sprinkled all around him, also struck a nerve with drug warriors because it suggests that financial supporters are part of his cartel. Seriously, the back of the shirt reads “Team Mitch” near the neckline and underneath it in bold letters are the words “Cartel Member.”

A year ago, a legend was born. Own your piece of history. #CocaineMitch

The shirt almost insists that all of the cool kids of the nation should come out in support McConnell in the upcoming election because he’s got the cajonesto go full-on narco kingpin to take the win.

His staff, however, suggests that My Man Mitch is just making the best out of a bad situation and having some fun.

“Senator McConnell proves every election cycle that having a sense of humor is the most valuable and least abundant commodity in politics,” said Josh Holmes, a spokesperson for the Team Mitch campaign. “He managed to turn a slanderous attack on his family into an online movement of his supporters.”

But his pro-prohibition stance isn't funny.

In reality, McConnell is a real problem for marijuana, and every dollar spent on a Cocaine Mitch t-shirt is just more money toward the failed drug war.

It is sad to say, but marijuana legalization at the national level doesn’t have a prayer as long as McConnell is running the show.

And make no mistake about it, he is.

It is conceivable that in some alternate dimension Mitch McConnell might in fact actually be the ruthless fictional drug lord Keyser Söze from the 1995 film ‘The Usual Suspects’. But in this one, he is one of the most hardnosed S.O.Bs in Congress hellbent on keeping marijuana in the trenches of the verboten for all time.

Not only does McConnell oppose the legalization of marijuana at the national level, but he also has the power to prevent it from happening as long as he is the leading swinging appendage of the Senate. He is, after all, the lawmaking gatekeeper to the upper chamber, the keeper of all the keys, if you will, who gets to decide which bills get heard and which get sent to linger in political purgatory forever.

In the grand scheme of marijuana legalization in the United States, McConnell has the upper hand.

So, all of those Cocaine Mitch shirts that people have been snatching up since late last week are only helping this career politician stop marijuana legalization from moving on to the next level. Another term for McConnell could be what prevents Democrats from making strides on the issue and getting some actual laws on the books -- something they have so far failed to do since taking back the House.

Even though McConnell was, in fact, responsible for nationwide hemp legalization in 2018, his attitude on marijuana does not appear to be moving into liberal territory. One of his last comments on the issue of federal legalization was just last year. He told reporters: “I do not have any plans to endorse the legalization of marijuana.”

Some reports have even suggested that McConnell may keep federal marijuana legalization at bay long enough to give his interests in the hemp industry a chance to flourish.

One thing is sure, the cannabis movement has better odds at going the distance nationwide in the next couple of years with McConnell out of the picture. This could happen if the Democrats gain control of the Senate in 2020. Twenty-two GOP seats are opening up and only 12 on the Democratic end. If those donkey-eared politicos can seize the majority, old Cocaine Mitch is finished as of 2021.

...and like that, he will be gone.

Note to Senator McConnell: Considering that the majority of Americans now supports marijuana legalization at the national level, perhaps your 2020 campaign would have been better served by selling t-shirts branded with a new and improved moniker. How about Marijuana Mitch? Not only does the name have a nice ring to it, but it would also have taken your campaign funds up a notch or two. Potheads love weed-related swag! Furthermore, finally giving the cannabis issue your support would have reverberated favorably at the polls. Just remember, it is not too late to become the Marijuana Mitch the country needs you to be. I would assume this is better than being labeled Missed It By A Mile Mitch come next November.

Mike Adams is a contributing writer for Forbes, Cannabis Now and BroBible. His work has also appeared in High Times. Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.