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Friday, 31 July 2009

The Rock of Love 2 highlight reel should not include Megan Hauserman. At best she was fodder albeit with two standout moments - one of them a TFi favourite:

The other was her elimination.

Megan debuted on Celebreality as an unknown. She was not unknown to all. Some Vh1 viewers also watch Beauty and the Geek (which can be seen on the perverted Channel 4 network here in the UK). Apparently she won the third series or something. That experience worked for her. Unlike Tamara and Melissa Rivers, much like Omorosa, Megan planned her exit strategy to a ‘t’. She was remembered.

51 Minds had more than plenty to choose from for their all-starlet brand new game show I Love Money. So they chose her. Amongst titans such as the Stallionaires, Whiteboy, Mr Boston, 12 Pack, Pumkin, Hottie, Red Oyster, Heather, Lacey, Bootz, Buckeey, Buckwild they chose her. Believe me there are more they could have chosen for Season 1 – Tango, Like Dat, Raven, Romance, the list is exhaustive. They chose Megan

“Saggy boobs suck!”

and a franchise was born.

Celebreality bitches tend to bellow a lot and deliver little.

Not so Megan Hauserman.

In Mexico the all-starlets strutted with youthful and delusional confidence. Every one of them thought they could win (except for Midget Mac who was keeping it real. TFi to the midget – what flies in the ‘hood doesn’t fly in Huatulco). There was always only one person who could have won and none of the money grubbers had a clue until it was shown them on TV.

Walking off the Mexican set showed Megan was better than everyone else. You can stuff your quarter million dollars. In today’s money that’s only worth about a quarter million pesos. So off she went to CharmSchool complete with dog and bitch as entourage. She didn’t need CharmSchool.

“Well I don’t really see myself as working. I

think a best fit would be like a

top of the line trophy wife.”

CharmSchool needed her.

51 Minds need her. Vh1 want her. It’s a shame I don’t fancy her otherwise I’d have borrowed a million bucks from T-Weed and applied for her show myself.

It’s been three months during which I’ve had the support and readership of many. You’re too many to mention. So I’ll start with Trixie you angel, Lex I miss you, Ms Fullwood I love your work, Turkish Jen you inspiration. Hi GG, Travelling Cat and Katzchen. I appreciate. What purpose does name dropping serve with no mention of Ricky Robot? So I’ll end there. My thanks to all who read this blog. Megan wants a millionaire. So read more Thrill Fiction.

Sunday, 26 July 2009

I got an email during the week from Shane Rivers. He runs a blog called OnlyGoodMovies and he wanted an interview.

Now to put things into context I've got an ego. When somebody asks to interview me despite my kneejerk reation to sign an autograph and then sell it to him via ebay I thought it'd prudent to check the site out:

Our goal at Only Good Movies is to provide you with honest movie reviews that lack the buzz words and promotional
jargon used by critics more interested in marketing a
movie than providing you with a thorough and detailed synopsis.

Shane's site has reviews, interviews and trailers. It's well written, well laid out and up to date. You like movies? Subscribe to a movie site who's only agenda is in your best interest.

So I did the interview and he's posted it. It's all up there in my own words. So if you don't like what you read forward your hatemail to Shane.

My kneejerk reaction is to get a press agent. In the meantime I've got the Wicker Man post to finish.

Daisy tells the guys that tonight’s elimination will be a double. It’s the semi-finals y’all.

Bring out the X- women.

Sinister’s ex Ashley.

Sinister likey the punk rats.

This is Cathy.

That’s why 12p is smiling.

“I’ve known Cathy since 6th grade…”

That’s why 12p is smiling. They may have dated once upon a lifetime ago but now she’s more like a buddy/sister. Way to circumnavigate 51 Minds12p.

I think the production company needs another brain. Give Daisy a producer credit.

Here comes Kia for Flex

and London’s old friend… Natasha.

From Rock of Love Bus.

You what?

Friend?

“This is not a fair game.”

Nose hit.

Daisy and her Rat take the girls outdoors for a meal and gossip. Cathy declares her hand immediately.

“I honestly don’t have anything bad

to say about him.”

That’s why 12p is smiling.

This is going nowhere fast. Unlike the other girls Natasha has done the Vh1 reality initiation so she knows what’s expected of her.

“He (London) might be dating someone.”

Now Daisy, like most hysterics, needs to constantly feed. This revelation is like a full course meal.

“I’m just getting to the point where I’m

starting to trust London a little bit

and then I find this crap out?”

“Sex addict.”

Who isn’t?

TFi appreciates Natasha isn’t dropping her friend in it. Like 12p she’s here to perform a role. Besides at this point we all know who’s going to win. The good news for 12p is 2nd place practically guarantees a spot on I Love Money 3.

“Okay let me break this down: Flex is a

heartbreaker that plays creepy head games.

12 Pack oh he’s the most perfect guy around.

London could be a sex maniac and may

even have a girlfriend still.”

Sex maniac was the term used before the politically correct ‘sex addict’. As in Bill Clinton is a sex maniac.

This is where reality bites: Ashley tells the world that Sinister is a wife beater.

It later transpires they were drunk and horse playing around and the ‘smack’ was accidental. Yet Vh1 chose to broadcast her initial assertion.

Buyer beware: reality TV will ruin your life.

“But now I have something really important

planned. I figure the best most logical way

to find out which one of these guys is truly

here for me … Psychic readings.”

You could have told us that in 101 Daisy and saved us all a season.

A psychic is a charlatan on a TV show. This is not to be confused with a fraudster on a TV show eg RickiLake. Laurie is Daisy’s personal psychic and when she opens her mouth all we hear is her belly rumble.

to 12p: “I think in a past life that you have had an

awful lot of responsibilities.”

Can we verify that?

Time for the obligatory mixer out back; booze is a great informer.

Cue the pack attack on London.

“This whole ex-girlfriend mixer is just like

I expected. Tons of secrets coming out.

It couldn’t be any better than it is right now.”

Before things can escalate to Defcon 1 Kia goes and spoils it.

Even though she is Flex’s old flame it is 12p who does the gentlemanly thing.

Time to get rid of the crunk and disorderly exes.

Time for 12p to make his move:

To Daisy: “I think London’s a great dude.

You know what if he’s dating someone

then you decide if you want to get involved

okay? As far as Sinister’s concerned I don’t

even know which girl was here with Sinister.

I think Flex is a great dude but it looked

like he was about to make out with his

ex-girl the entire night tonight.”

12p is an all-star celebreality TV veteran. He’s been in the mix with New York, the Stallionaires, the Entertainer, Heather, Trophy Wife Megan, Whiteboy and Mr Boston.

The other three never saw it coming.

To wit; Daisy wants to know who each one thinks should be in the final with them.

“12 Pack.”

“12 Pack.”

“12 Pack.”

“I’m just sitting here in amazement that all

three of these guys would be foolish

enough to tell daisy that I should be

the guy she should be with.”

“12 Pack you’re coming to the final with me.”

They never had a chance.

The eliminations:

Someone is going to Maui with 12p.

And Daisy.

It’s not Sinister.

She choose London.

And Flex.

Hey. She’s not going to get a second series so she might as well milk it.

Next week on Daisy of Love:

TFi: If you were expecting a recap of the recap show do yourself some funny and read all my recaps.