Tag: barf

Having never competed in no-gi grappling in my life, I can’t speak to the legalities of busting farts while an opponent is working in your guard. It seems like it should be illegal. And yet, a competitor at NAGA Vegas Grappling Championship actually scored a submission victory via horrible gas on Saturday. It must have been some truly repugnant stuff, too, because as you can see at the 0:07-0:10 mark, the loser taps out and then vomits all over the mat.

“He farted in my face,” the dude in the black rashguard tells the ref. “You farted in my face, man,” he tells his opponent. Then, he dutifully begins cleaning up his own barf with a paper towel.

We usually don’t like making sweeping statements like this so early in the year, but “Grappler Submits to Fart, Then Vomits” is a guaranteed Potato Award winner, maybe in multiple categories. You’ve just witnessed history, folks.

Hope you guys didn’t just eat breakfast. In what might be the worst viral video for Coke Zero ever recorded, the above clip shows Eder Jones celebrating a victory at a PRIME MMA event in Brazil by barfing all over the mat. The first wave at the 0:07 mark isn’t so bad, but when Jones gets his arm raised by the ref at 0:21…good God, that’s nasty. This is why you should be glad that Alessio Sakara pulled out of his fight at UFC 122. Nobody wants to see the Octagon defiled by rancid chunks of tuna.

1) If properly stored, ipecac does not lose effectiveness with age.
2) Honestly, just a tablespoon will do ya. If I had chugged the bottle, I’d probably still be throwing up.
3) Unlike other occasions when you might barf, you don’t feel any better after the deed when you’re on a ‘cac bender. I took the stuff around 7 p.m. ET, puked for the last time around 11 p.m. (nothing but stomach acid, just nasty) and felt sick until I woke up at about 3:30 a.m.

Anyway, the video above represents the conclusion of my ill-fated UFC pick-off bet against Ryan Harkness of Fightlinker. In retrospect, I wouldn’t recommend that anyone take ipecac unless you absolutely have to get the entire contents of your stomach outside of yourself, and even then, think twice. Enjoy; we’ll get ‘em next time.

As many of you were disappointed to learn, my UFC 84 ipecac pick-off against Fightlinker‘s Ryan Harkness ended in a 19-19 draw; with no contingency plan in place in case of a tie, neither of us were required to film ourselves violently projectile vomiting. That’s the bad news. The good news is that last night Ryan and I decided on the terms of the rematch. They are as follows:

— We will predict the entire card of UFC 85, which goes down just 11 days from now on June 7th.
— The three-point scoring system will be the same as before, with the person who scores lowest having to film themselves drinking ipecac. (I’m assuming you can get this stuff at the nearest Walgreen’s, because I actually don’t have any in my medicine cabinet.) Look for my new picks to go up next Wednesday, give or take.
— In the event of a tie, a tiebreaker will be determined via who picked the most “perfect” matches (fighter/round/method). If that’s also a tie, we’ll judge it by which of us called the most winning fighters. If that’s also a tie, then the ipecac bet is officially cursed and we will both drink ipecac to entertain you vultures.

Fightlinker Ryan’s UFC 84 picks are up, and all of a sudden I’m feeling a whole lot less nervous about this whole ipecac-drinking thing. Not only did Ryan pick Tito and Wandy to win their bouts, but he also gave the nod to Reljic over Gouveia, and Koppenhaver over Yoshida. Feel free to head over to FL to point and laugh, or get re-acquainted with my own UFC 84 predictions here.

One final note: I haven’t puked in like twelve years. Maybe more, I don’t really remember. But it’s been a long time, and I don’t look forward to doing it again.