Friday, July 8, 2011

BSNYC Friday Grammer Rodeo and Spealing Bee!

Yesterday, I mentioned an article in the current issue of the The New Yorker. The article was called "Climbers," and it concerned cycling in Rwanda. Here's a link to the summary, and here's a picture of the picture from it once again:

At the time I first mentioned it I hadn't finished it, but I have since found sufficient bathroom time to do so, and not to be a noodge or anything but I'd just like to reiterate that the article is well worth reading. It was a genuine pleasure to read bike racing-themed prose that didn't consist of doping-related moralizing, or effusive product reviews, or people with $2,000 wheels and electronic shifting complaining that their Cat 4 race results weren't posted online quickly enough. (Hint: if you don't know where you placed, you lost, and I say this as someone who has a perfect record of losing.)

I should also point out that I don't exclude my own prose from the Canon of Inanity, and in fact yesterday I was taken to task by a reader for using the "h" word. (If you don't know what the "h" word is, click here.) Now, he had some legitimate concerns, but the problem remains: what am I supposed to call someone riding a $3,000 track bike, sporting $5,000 in tattoo ink, and wearing a shirt like this when it's 60 degrees?

(The rapper Meh-minem prepares to rob a fixie boutique.)

When you see a fellow in a Primal jersey riding a top-of-the-line Madone with roughly 19 feet of headset spacers and an adjustable stem, you call him a "Fred." When you see a person riding a time trial bike in a tank top and hot pants, you call him a "tri geek." When you see a rider in a Saxo Bank jersey on the side of the road throwing his bike into a ditch in frustration, you call him "Alberto Contador." When you see someone on a recumbent with a beard of fire and a homemade machine gun turret mounted to his cockpit, you don't call him anything. Instead, you run, run, run!

So why don't we get to call the guy in the fixed-gear turtleneck anything? He's not dangerous, even though he tries to look it. What makes him so special that he doesn't get a goofy name like the rest of us do? Plus, more importantly, if we don't call him anything it means that wearing a $120 shirt on your face in mild weather is normal, which it most decidedly isn't, no matter how "fast" you are.

And trust me, I'm under no illusions that I don't look ridiculous myself. I went in for a haircut yesterday and the barber took one look at me and said, "You must be a writer." In terms of personal grooming habits, this is a moment of clarity akin to waking up after a bender with no pants on and your head in a public toilet. It's when you realize something's got to change.

Still, maybe we need to diffuse the "h" word in the way we defused that other "h" word by saying "helment" instead. Maybe the "h" word will go down a bit easier if we call shirt-on-face guy and his ilk "hilpsters." Sure, it's a little extra typing, but I'm fine with it if you are. The last thing I want to do is hurt anybody's feelings.

Lastly, it's interesting (at least to me as an amateur pop culture linguist) to note that, like the "h" word, the word "fixie" was also once in common parlance but is now considered off-limits. This is because it has been rejected by the sorts of people who discovered the bikes just a few years ago. (That is to say, "hilpsters.") Oddly, this only makes the word "fixie" more fun to say, and I now find myself going out of the way to use it. From this I draw two conclusions: 1) People don't like when you remind them that there's an old name for what they're doing because it makes them feel less original, and 2) I am kind of a dick.

And lastly lastly, don't confuse the word "parlance" with the word "palance."

Finally, post-penultimately, I'll remind you to please note that my Bicycling.com Tour de France-themed postings continue (though not necessarily on a daily basis) and if you care to know when they're published simply check my Tweeter.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a short quiz after a short week. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then palance, and if you're wrong you'll see crazy hilpsters.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and if you get chilly you can always save $120 and pull your shirt over your face.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(20th century vocabulary, 21st century open-mindedness--just don't get him started on the Jews.)

1) Which culturally insensitive term did Phil Liggett use while commentating on this year's Tour de France?

Like baiting hipsters with "fixie", at the seattle book signing last year, you said Ore-a-gone, instead of Org-in like they say here, and then you paused for the snickering. Classic PNW smug-baiting. That was funny, and a great show.

The vertical compliance of bone is well documented as adequate for use in bicycling, but it's lateral stiffness makes it an unacceptable material for use in more rugged bicycling applications like racing and recumbents.

Craig Calfee, world famous bamboo-ologist, spent the late 1970's reseaching and testing bone for industrial design applications. But eventually found it lacking.

The material he moved on to?

BAMBOO!

For a history of bamboo bicycles and their use in the bicycling industry, visit the Calfee Design site at

http://www.calfeedesign.com/products/bamboo/

and be sure to click on the Bamboo Bicycle Timeline. Riveting is use of bamboo bicycles in World War I.

I want to be different, like everybody else I want to be like. I want to be just like all the different people, I have no further interest in being the same,because I have seen difference all around,and now I know that that's what I wantI don't want to blend in and be indistinguishable,I want to be a part of the different crowd,and assert my individuality along with the otherswho are different like me

"anyone how has any interests perceived as esoteric.This includes going to museums, seeing living music or reading a book."

Well, as was pointed out, I guess your lack of self-awareness won't quickly be corrected, since self-criticism is kept at bay. I suppose your parents always said you were good and special, so you can't believe that by following the paint-by-numbers hipster blueprint, you are somehow completely oblivious to your own consumer narrative.

That's the stupidity of aimless, narcissistic, hipster culture. Everyone is an artist, and must record their every move so they can be lauded and appraised like children.

Kickstarter is the hipster bastion of people trying to weasel money for their stupid parties and uncreative "artistic" ventures.

I think funding of actual art is important, and this was cute to see, but $4000 is a lot of money that could have gone to a much better cause. I saw this contraption in person the other day and thought, "that's fun. I like it."

I can't believe people actually gave her over 4 grand to do this. Were no other charities accepting money at that time?

Heck, I can't believe she would have the gall to *ask* for people to give her money for this.

*Hipster friend of mine recently visited NY and wanted to be sure I knew that he made "good use" of the many bike lanes in NYC--on a bicycle--on this visit. I was unimpressed because I knew that, in true hipster style, he was only doing it because now it's "cool."

65º and sunny yesterday, and I saw a guy riding down N. Lights Blvd in jeans, a down jacket, backpack, and what I believe was a ski helment. Just looking at the guy made me sweat.

The hilpster look has been trickling into Anchorage over the last few years, mostly in the form of ex-Portlandeers, although it me a while to notice since beards and flannel have been a staple of Alaskan fashion for as long as I've been alive. Luckily I can still count the number of fixies that I've seen up here on one hand.

Well, CWNevius is an old crank, though at least he is man enough to admit it, and doesn't always care for bicycles. It's a shame we couldn't keep all the hipsters herded down in the Mission, they had to go and colonise another 'edgy' part of town...I like the joke in the comments, for those who can't be arsed to look at either the article or the comments:

Exactly. I have my parents money to throw away and I'm just going to go into a tattoo parlor and point at something, nomatter what, and say COOL. They dont have to mean anything, just as long as I don't look suburban anymore. I'm vaguely aware of "authenticity", enough to know I don't have it. I'm also a big pussy that has no meaning, so I'm going to just buy something that can replace actual experiences. Those would take time and/or creativity.

No, I'm not a sailor, I just bought all these trendy tats bc I live in a land of make believe. Again, I like tattoos and bikes, etc, but I dont think they lend me any "cred". I admit they just appeal to my own tastes. Nothing else.

Perhaps he meant "coloured." The term is neither culturally insensitive nor derogatory in South Africa (where Liggett resides part-time), but refers to people of mixed race. Cf. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coloured

That's retarded. Not expecting Snob to bag on hipsters is like going to a Richard Pryor gig and being offended when he uses the N word.

You know what he's about, this blog has been here for years. If you don't like it because you just don't enjoy the humor or some of it hits too close to home for you to take, I don't understand why you read it and complain.

I mean, I don't watch Fox news. I know I'm going to get ideologically slanted interpretation. Why would I then state the obvious when it doesn't do what I like?

You know what's funny? Eben himself said that Anon1:37's criticisms were fair. You guys however, are getting all in a pinch about it. Maybe you should think a little more and rant a little less.From now on I'll no longer be calling myselfAnon 1:37

Of course you have a right to criticize. Just like we do (in rant form or otherwise) over your sophomoric diatribes. It's all gravy, baby. You're just silly and not very thought-out in your complaints. There are plenty of ways to criticize snob or any other commenter, just do it....well...better and more insightfully/intelligently.

Way back, way wAy back, frat boys always wore flip flops, shorts and a ski jacket in winter at UW in seattle. In summer it was any pants sans socks. No socks was frat boy ID in the 70's. Proto hipsters?

Hipsters are like hippies, in that long after they are gone except for a few holdouts, morons who felt left out at the time will still be blaming them for everything bad that happens and screaming with rage about them.

Wearing all black is cliche', but it will get ya laid. A Camaro and a leather jacket are so frat, but they will get ya laid. Beating your girlfriend to a pulp is so not cool, but if you dress in black, drive a Camaro, she will still give it up.

good lawd! what's with all you ball suckers the last couple days. if bagging on hipsters is so passe, why are you dipshits all up in arms? is it cause you wanna reclaim the moniker and make it respectable again? you just prove how appropriate it is to both use the word to describe them/you and ridicule you for your nonsense. it's like the new carly simon song: youre so hipster i bet you think i'm hating on you when i say hipster.

Once again, Anon 1:37, er, 6:50 completely misses the point. Not worth explaining to you further.

I don't know if the truth hurts, or if you are just so gluttonous for punishment that you keep reading if you don't like the blog. Again, skewering some aspects of it might be entertaining, but you're just whining about something you don't like. Did mommy not give you enough building blocks to do something on your own? Boo hoo hoo

"Bamboo. It's what people who really love the earth bicycle on (TM)." That's whatever's beyond smug. I think the word is . . . STUPID! Just think how much CO2 the bamboo could process out of the atmosphere if it weren't slaughtered to make fixies for uber-smug hipsters. Meanwhile I ride my used steel Trek and keep its carbon (manufacturing steel requires carbon, not crabon) locked away safely in the frame. The bamboo boneheads are like the dufuses (dufii?) who run their computers non-stop to avoid ever printing an email and congratulate themselves on saving the planet, no thought given to how much electricity they're wasting. And all this time, I thought I was loving the Earth. . . . Just what is this strange planet I love, with its yellow sun and fresh breezes that blow in my freddish face as I coast down hills at 35 mph saying whoo hoo hoo if not the Earth?

The UCI needs to get real, they should either drop equipment restrictions altogether, or go all the way and restrict equipment to the point that an average Rwandan can afford to be competitive. I suspect the UCI has enough pride to never allow recumbents out of the closet, so the second option seems to be the more realistic one. An egalitarian pro peloton would roll by on early 90's department store mountain bikes, and include some cool new team names, such as: "LAY-oh-pard WILDCAT". I just makes so much sense.

That's a great idea, but it would totally wreck the fred economy, which I suspect is mostly what has kept us afloat the past couple of years. I suppose the dentists could pay absurd prices for questionable coaching or something.

I love to go clubbing. The Ritzy Euro-Trash club scene. I sneak into the ladies room and write on the wall "THE CIPO' has 260mm+. Then when I get the ladies alone and they see that we are in reality talking 300mm+ they just go crazy!

Jaques Strappe, The UCI reviewed Thor's case and decided that anyone who ate enough lutefisk to test positive was not guilty of doping. At least not a for a performance enhancing substance. The only way someone could eat enough lutefisk to gain a performance edge would require them to be placed in a coma first.

Because the effects of coming out of the coma would offset the effects of the testosterone, it has been decided that the use of lutefisk supplements are allowable, but definitely not recommended.

Hey guys, I hope you realize that the topless girl doing a track stand is a photo shop? I know, cause that girl is me, and I definitely can't do a no-handed track stand. That shop has been passed around since about 2006... no clue who did it.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!