[Ask a Girl] Ever had a man tell you you take too long to orgasm?

Gold Member

My husband has complained to me a few times that I take too long to cum and that is why he loses his erection.

It makes me feel torn up to hear him say that. It kinda pisses me off that I'm getting blamed for his limpy. It also makes me feel pressured to try to hurry up and orgasm whenever we get together. I also feel a bit like he's just after getting his rocks off ASAP and I'm being inconsiderate for not moving things along fast enough for him.

All of the stress that comes from these conflicting emotions doesn't help me to orgasm any quicker, in fact it kills the mood.

VerifiedGold Member

My first guy, the guy I lost my virginity too did that. He'd done that many times, actually. He simply said "Um..have you came yet cause I'm tired of going? No? Well...this is taking too long, I'm done"

This happened over a period of a couple days because shortly after he took my virginity (just a couple days later) he left me. Yeah, 10 years of friendship was down the shitter after that. lol.

I had spent the night at his house one weekend after being together for about 6 months and I decided that I wanted to, I was ready and I trusted him. He made that first experience that I felt would be something beautiful into something absolutely heat breaking. I hated myself after that.

First time we had sex, I was confused, shy, scared..he just wanted to get it done. That same, after he did that to me, he and I started fooling around again. I did it again, thinking 'eh..why not" and instead of saying ANYTHING he just came, pulled out and got on his computer. I felt...SO used.

I just got up, got my clothes on walked out of the room.

Next morning, he tried to have sex with me AGAIN and I flat out told him no, explained why and he had absolutely no valid reason as to why he was acting like such a fucking wanker to me.

We drove home in silence the next day. Two days later, he hadn't called, hadn't texted. I got tired of waiting, called him, to which his mother answered with "oh...I thought you guys had broken up?" after I explained that I hadn't heard from him.

Needless to say, the relationship was over after that.

I had to poke the bear here and I apologize if I over step any lines with you, CL.

Do you think that your husband is having these issues because of your virtual lover? You seem to have amazing, all be it virtual sexual encounters with your lover. Do you think he just feels like this other guy is out doing him? He's seen his cock in dildo form, do you think that there is an underlying envious man there? Do you think jealousy is maybe a problem?

Gold Member

Oh, and don't worry about speaking your mind around me. I respect candor, you should know that by now.

I doubt hubby is jealous of my lover. He asks me how our dates go and gets really aroused when I give him lurid details. We have some really good sex on the nights where I turn him on with my stories. He's always had the fantasy of watching me getting fucked by a huge cock while I suck on his. He's told me that time and time again, so I don't think it's a passing fancy.

Also, he and my lover exchange emails once in a while in a most freiendly manner and I doubt if my husband had jealousy issues, he'd be doing that.

And...now that I think about it, hubby complained I took too long way before I started having cyber nookie.

Forgot to add...

I flat out asked my husband if he had an issue with me having virtual sex with my lover and he said, "No, why should I have a problem with it? He doesn't get to have you in his bed, I do."

Gold Member

How long does a woman take to reach orgasm? It varies, obviously, but most of my partners took or take no more than five minutes, and I can remember only one who took a long time, which I would guess at around the 20 minute mark. This was combined oral sex and rubbing her g-spot, and it was after we had intercourse. I remember that I was stiff and my tongue was dry, but it was memorable (her orgasm went on, and on, and on).

My wife takes a couple of minutes, and I use her signs of arousal to slow her down, and the longer I let her ride her nearly but not quite, the bigger it seems to be for her. My married lover took about five minutes first time, and has been similar since then. My previous mistress also took about five minutes.

Other men and women might like to recount their experiences, but I will go with five minutes as being common. For me, 20 to 40 minutes, no matter how it's done, would be exhausting. If it's a problem, I would reverse things and go for orgasm after intercourse, like the young lady and I. I did get her hot and ready for me, and was only too pleased to finish things later.

Another solution could be to mix up the times of day. Not a big fan of morning sex myself, but my wife and I usually set aside Sunday afternoons to play around. Much better than later at night, as we're both fresher and more into whatever adventures we (I) think of. Sometimes have sex about an hour after I come home from work, about 5pm, and this is a good time of day too.

Is there maybe a chance that its something he is or isn't doing? I know that with my fiancee, I can do one thing one night that gives her a mind blowing, wall shaking, window breaking orgasm, while another night, that same thing may do nothing for her.

Either way, if it's taking too long for her to orgasm, it's time for me to look at what I can do different to blow her mind. When a woman isn't getting off, it's time for the man to change his approach.

I can turn that around, my wife can come very quicky and it's never been an issue. When I was young, I thought I came to quickly though I never had any complaints. But now that I am older, I can go at it a long time, hours before I release. My wife does not like going at it that long. So get time restraint complaints, though I ain't complaining.

Gold Member

I used to take a very predictable 25 minutes of continual clitoral stimulation to orgasm. I was always happy to keep this separate from penetration and it never bothered my long term partners of the time.

Nowadays I can orgasm within seconds of penetration although I will myself not to as I'd rather saviour the feeling of his penis in me.

I have the opposite problem. My girlfriends usually climax very quickly, whereas I take ages. They are more physically stimulated, but I am more psychologically stimulated. I also feel I have to rush, so while the sex is very good, it's not mind-blowing. It's because I get the feeling that once they've climaxed they just want to go to sleep.

I would love to have a whole night (or at the very least a couple of hours) of unbridled passion, lust and sex. I don't just mean penetration - I get tired of that after a good 10 minutes, I also mean foreplay, stroking, dirtytalking etc, making the whole event linger rather than just seeming like a perfunctory action (like scratching an itch). I live in a different country to where I originally come from so I wonder if it could also be a culture difference in the way sex is viewed.

When guys try to get me off by hand or mouth, it just doesn't happen.
Yes, they all "complained"
Current bf doesn't complain. He is excited with the challenge and says he will savor the day he can get me in under a minute. I can do myself in under a minute if i tried, but it just doesn't feel as fun.
If he complains about it too much just primp yourself every time for a while? And save the day he does all the work for that odd day, rather than all/most of the time?

Or like that article that you supplied. It could be his pressuring you that kills the mood and starts the anxiety.

Maybe you should tell him to turn you on earlier, and come back to finish you off later (like leaving love notes around the house or something?)

I don't see any problem with 20-40 min. for an orgasm myself. That he is considerate enough to ask after how that's going is a wonderful thing, as Ive had men who just assume that I'm good on all fronts when they are. However, I can see how that would bother you, and have had the complaint of taking to long. Complaining is bad, communication is good. If my lover complained about the time it took to get me off, Id hafta wonder about him a little.

Gold Member

After having a hard time climaxing even on my own for the past few months, I was beginning to think it was the new medication I'm on that was hindering my ability to "get there" but, last night, I got myself off twice with very little effort. This renewed my belief that it isn't something physical that hinders or stalls my orgasms. It's all in my head. Now, the trick is figuring out where to go from here.