Casting call: Headlock'd: The Bob Filner Story

Somewhere in a San Diego Starbucks, someone is penning a future Ace Award-winning screenplay. The reflection of the computer screen bouncing in their bifocals can be seen as far as the cream and sugar station as s/he feverishly pecks away at a script that strips bare the Bob Filner scandal in three acts with room for commercial breaks.

Phooey on The Lifetime Channel and it's small screen siblings. This time it's big screen, or no screen. I for one am sick and tired of the pounding America's Finest City has taken after decades of living in Hollywood's shadow. When they do finally come around to remembering their neighboring paradise, what kind of a bone do the studios throw our way? Anchorman, Will Ferrell's one-man retarding device.

What would you rather be known for, San Diego: a horny meeskit of a mayor or a haphazardly spliced together array of bloated SNL skits? Bob Filner's jaw-dropping chutzpah would make Ron Burgundy gag. Stay classless, San Diego!

While most Hollywood bigwigs spent the weekend poolside, I sat inside my decaying tin shack, aloof, seldom visited, never photographed, doing their work for them. Filner provided scenarists with an abundance of material to sift through, but in this instance casting is everything. If you can't overpower audiences with originality, mollify them with movie stars.

I can almost see the box photos of the superstar cast lining the bottom of the one-sheet!