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Marriages across Ages !

This
blog by my friend Balasanjeevi makes a hilarious read. As a fellow co-traveller,
I largely agree with his observations and feel compelled to share my own,
although I must admit that I cannot replicate his humorous effect.

The current
marriage market is a textbook case-study on how excessive domination could end
up becoming hugely counterproductive and one begins to appreciate moderation as
an essential even in domination.

Traditional marriage market

RK
Narayan writes in an essay in "The Next Sunday" which although
laced with humor makes grim observations about the then prevailing marriage
markets. A father of a prospective bridegroom apparently declares that next to
an investment in land whose values never comes below a point, having an
unmarried son is the next best investment. Taking a cue from the discount/
combo offers during festive seasons, dowry demands were innovatively designed
too – a car/bike/cycle (my son has to maintain his status, you know),
refrigerator (my son likes everything cool, you know), in addition to household
items etc.

One
can easily picture the bride's father controlling an irresistible urge to
enquire if no efforts were made to upkeep status, prestige and refined tastes
of the bridegroom all along and whether they were patiently waiting for this
unique opportunity to acquire them. Nonetheless, marriage was a seller's-market
and no father mustered courage to ask these and quietly submitted to the
demands.

Current Scenario

Curiously,
the socio-economic vagaries of pre-liberalized India and increasingly
unreasonable dowry demands led to overall drop in enthusiasm to have girl-child
and imperceptibly the male-female ratio in population became skewed.

Meanwhile
Indian economy boomed, woman employment rose & the financially-independent
women were no longer confined to West. However, men struck with the image of
their mothers as a guiding factor to choices were in for a rude shock.

Secure
with the knowledge that women are fewer in number than men, cases of reverse
demands aren't unheard of today. Sample few absolutely hilarious demands
(based on what I hear from friends).

·We
should stay separate and I wouldn't appreciate your parents residing with us.

·Parents
should have independent source of income, and shouldn't be dependents.

·My
earnings are none of your concern, and any enqueries/requests wouldn't be
appreciated

·No
interference in my lifestyle, habits are appreciated.

·I
won't relocate, you should do so if interested.

These
cases notwithstanding, woman-harassment is far from extinct in India and apart
from some urbanized islands , the trasformation hasn't touched most of rural
India yet.

The
irony is that the patriarchal society of 70s, 80s would seldom
have imagined that by overdoing their domination they
have indirectly catalyzednot just woman-liberation
but also woman-emancipation. “Ati sarvatra
varjayet" – anything in excess is best avoided may find new relevance to them. *

Owing
to changed conditions, objection to love-marriages has died a slow-death.
Perhaps the partner-hunt has so taxed the parents that they're happy when they
are spared the painstaking hunt & selection process although they are still
keen their children do marry and do so early in life. Which reminds me that universal
marriage system is by far a hugely successful experiment in India across
milleniums. No other civilization deems marriage as hugely necessary for
human-life as Indians.

But
these in turn, direct our attention to the larger issue – does marriage retain
its sanctity today?

Marriage as an Institution

The
sanctity of marriage as an institution has received drubbing from legalization
of same-sex marriages in parts of US and which is steadily finding voice in
most parts of the world including India. The traditional position against
same-sex marriages was that the ultimate purpose of marriage is procreation -
which remains unfulfilled in these marriages – therefore these relationships
are deemed illegitimate.

However,
marriage is no longer being seen though Judeo-Abrahamic
culturo-religious-moral-ethical framework (upon which West rests) and is
increasingly viewed as an arrangement to live together by two consenting
adults. Live-in relationships (among hetero-couples) are the norm in West, and
marriage is usually considered post-pregnancy. Increasing number of children in
US are born to unwed mothers. Recreation and not necessarily procreation, thus forms the basis of new-age marriage !

Progressives
of all shades are glad over these developments and feel that these trends
encourage more freedom and tolerance although it amuses me no end on how almost
all ideologies of past two centuries were radically anti-family (communism more
than any other).

Religiously-inclined
but realistic people see this as gradual degradation. I'm reminded of an
Western astrologer who claimed that these changes owe their origin to the
advent of The Age of Aquarius after having passed through The Age of
Pisces where each age consists of roughly 2000 years. Pisces (zodiac)
represents emotions, faith, commitment, loyalty, superstitions, selflessness,
community-spirit, honestly etc which were
adequately represented in the era from
0 AD to 2000 AD. Aquarius(zodiac) on the contrary represents detachment,
reason, selfishness, individuality, rationality (as opposed to emotion),
hypocrisy, scientific spirit that will be represented in future (2000 AD to
4000 AD?) and the signs of which are already visible.

As a
phlegmatic person (and thus an Aquarian man(?), although I consider myself a Nietzscheist), I'm amused by these trends and
look forward to more informed & objective analysis. But while I support the
right of each individual to live their life in line with their wishes as long
as they're legal and unobstructive to society at large, the western
deconstruction of family has larger implications which I want to discuss.
That'll however have to wait for now.

Notes:

*(a pertinent point deliberately avoidedhere which presents a more nuanced understanding isthe morals concering female infanticide; which among these is more cruel : killing an undesired baby or letting them live and subjecting the girl to daily and constant harassment in abject poverty over a lifetime.)

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Comments

Agreed most of the description is correct i might even add a few more "so called reverse demands :) " CTC above 40 lkkhs :) 6 pack abzz etc :)

But actually I want to contradict on some stating not many ppl have tht "reverse demands" and still sect specially in south india are way too conservative and we are still mantaining the culture , .... just an openion a thought

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