View full sizeAndrew Mills/The Star-LedgerGiants coach Tom Coughlin says he still has a list of ideas on how to be a better coach prepared by Kurt Warner in 2004. And he still refers to it.

INDIANAPOLIS — In 2004, when his players revolted during his first season with the Giants, coach Tom Coughlin had only one real friend in the locker room — veteran quarterback Kurt Warner, a former superstar who paused in New Jersey before starting the second chapter of a storied career.

Several times a week, unbeknownst to his teammates, Warner would sneak into Coughlin’s office to hang out with the man most Giants believed was too rigid, too angry and too hell-bent on making football miserable for them with childish rules and ridiculous fines.

Warner — risking being labeled a locker room mole, or worse — would talk to Coughlin, sometimes about football, but often not. In those off hours, when other players had gone home, Warner sat on the coach’s couch and watched the most despised man in East Rutherford dote on his wife and grown children, and melt whenever his grandkids visited.

In those secret moments, Warner recalled this past week, “I saw a great man, a great coach, but I also saw a man who, for some reason, didn’t know how to combine those parts of his personality when it came to football. He could connect with his family on such an intimate level, but had no idea how to connect with his players. He was struggling badly.

“Tom was searching for the right way to lead without compromising his principles. I wanted to help. I thought I could help. I tried to help.”

Today, as the Giants meet the Patriots in Super Bowl XVLI, Coughlin is on the verge of football immortality — winning a second Super Bowl would make him a no-doubt Hall of Famer. With a locker room filled with players who now speak openly about the positive impact he has had on their lives, it has been a remarkable journey. The Warner letter was one of the first steps.

Warner spent that one season with the Giants, a former Most Valuable Player rented for one year to buy time for first-round draft pick Eli Manning, the future of the franchise. Manning claimed his inheritance midway through the 2004 season, and when the season ended, Warner was off to find his next team.

But before Warner left, Coughlin asked him for a favor: “Go home and make a list of all the things you think I need to do better as a coach,” Warner recalled Coughlin saying, “and don’t hold back.”

Warner did as he was asked, scribbling “page after page after page,” he said. “There were times when I was worried that I would hurt his feelings or damage our friendship,” Warner said. “But deep down I knew he’d never hold it against me as long as I did it with his best interests at heart.”

On Friday, Coughlin acknowledged he had reached out to Warner for help.

“I have such great respect for Kurt because of how he earned everything he got and because of the professionalism he showed as we transitioned to Eli,” Coughlin said. “I welcomed any thoughts he had on how we might improve.”

Although Warner wouldn’t reveal the specific items, he said most of his criticisms exhorted Coughlin to “swallow his pride and find a way to connect with his players — each player, from the biggest star to the guys on the practice squad.”

On Thursday, when the two ran into each other after the Giants’ media availability, Warner reminded Coughlin of the list, compiled eight years ago. He wasn’t sure the coach would remember it. Coughlin’s response shocked him: “Kurt,” he said, “I still have that list, and I still refer to it.”

Warner smiled when replaying that conversation, touched by the impact the list had on Coughlin.

“In the list, I told him that rather than just make rules and enforce them, he had to show the players why a certain rule is important to him,” Warner said. “Look, if you tell me that I have to be at a meeting five minutes early, Kurt Warner is going to be there, because that’s the way I was as a player. I did it for my pride. I didn’t ask any questions.

“But some players aren’t like that. They want to know why. So, Tom had to tell them why: ‘Because if you come to meetings early, it means you’re fully committed to this team. It means you want to be better. It means you want to be great. It means you’re willing to get here early for your teammates.’ ”

Warner added: “If he had just told them that from the start, there wouldn’t have been a problem with 99 percent of the players in that locker room. Some would have still thought the rules were silly, but they would have said, ‘Okay, he wants us five minutes early because it’s important to him. No big deal.’ ”

Coughlin’s turnaround has been well chronicled, but this is the first public disclosure of the coach’s first plea to a player for help. In that offseason, Coughlin’s wife and grown children counseled him to retire and escape the pettiness. Coughlin, however, decided to stay. He vowed to soften a bit and be more patient — not an easy task for a coach who had been successful for decades, doing it his way.

An 11-5 record in 2005 kept the critics at bay, but an 8-8 backslide the following season had media detractors and unhappy players chirping again, and Coughlin’s job was in jeopardy. The Giants extended his contract for a year, but it came with stipulations. Some were obvious: Win now. Some were subtle: Reflect better on the organization and make peace with players and the media.

Coughlin vowed, but admitted it wouldn’t be easy: “When something isn’t right, I can’t disguise my demeanor,” he told The Star-Ledger in 2005. “That’s a fault of mine. I’m upset, and the players know I’m upset, but I don’t want them to forget the mistake. Kids coming up haven’t had the back of their hands slapped, but when you do it …”

Judy Coughlin recalled taking her husband by the hand, looking into his eyes and saying, “Tom, the media doesn’t just dislike you, they hate you. They hate you. So I’m telling you right now, do something to help yourself.”

He started calling beat reporters by name. He padded answers to their questions. He vowed to soften a bit and be more patient with players — not an easy task for a coach who had been successful for decades, doing it his way.

But Coughlin had an inkling of what to do, thanks to Warner’s cheat sheet, which, Warner said, included the idea of a players committee — a panel of established players who wouldn’t be afraid to speak up to Coughlin, like Warner had.

The next season, with locker room leaders like defensive end Michael Strahan buying into Coughlin’s kinder coaching methods, the Giants shocked the NFL by beating the undefeated Patriots in Super Bowl XLII.

“When Tom Coughlin got here, I wanted to play for anybody else,” Strahan said at the time. “And now I don’t want to play for anybody but him.”

TRUE BELIEVERS

Today, four years later, Coughlin has a roster full of ardent disciples in another championship game. If you believe him, all it took was a little more forbearance.

“Have I changed?” Coughlin said this past week. “Probably, but it’s important as part of the process of learning. You learn, develop and change every year. I’ve become more patient.”

Manning, the quarterback whose legacy is linked to the coach, respects the fighter in Coughlin, who, amid rumors of imminent firings, twice has led his team to title games.

“He still is very disciplined,” Manning said. “Everything is still five minutes early. But he has shown more of his passion for football and the guys respect that and play hard for him.”

Adds defensive tackle Chris Canty: “Coach has a good feel for our football team. He has the pulse of our locker room.”

A finger on the pulse? Who would’ve guessed that eight years ago, Warner asked.

“Tom probably would have figured it out by himself,” he said. “If I helped, I’m glad. He’s a great coach. He just needed to show his players that he cared about them and that there’s a method to his madness.”

Warner paused and smirked.

“Let me ask you this: Do you think they question him for a second now?”