Thursday, February 26, 2009

So TODAY I received in the mail a cover letter... and resume... and references... and about 100 pages of supporting documentation. For one person. For one job. The stack is too think for a paperclip. It's too thick for a small clip. I just left it in its giant envelope. It took nearly $5.00 of postage.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

And right now I am staring at an e-mailed cover letter and resume. The email and resdume have one name on them and the cover letter has someone else's name on it. I'm going to send them a response asking which name I should use.

The commercial for Chemistry.com or Matchmaker.com or whatever it is where the woman says, "I'm just a goof, looking for my ball." I DETEST this commercial.

And then I have some rants about people who turn in applications for jobs and do not fill out the application completely. Hello? Do you want a job or not?

Don't send me an email that says:

"Hi my name is ****** and I am interested in this position. My phone number is 260-***-****."

Okay. Did you have a question? Have you filled out an application? Do you think your first name and phone number are enough to make me go, "WOW! I've gotta hire this person RIGHT FRICKIN NOW!" I cannot tell you how many emails like this one I have received in the past several months. It's a new trend. They don't even ask a question, like what are the hours, how do I apply, yada yada yada. Just a name and phone number. One guy I responded to, saying, "Have you completed an application?" His complete e-mail response back to me: "No." OHMIGOD, you're BRILLIANT! Get in here and work for me RIGHT NOW!

Then there was the guy who filled out an application where I could not read his handwriting to make out his street address, and I could not look up his zip code, which he neglected to put on the application, because I could not read his street address, and he did not include a phone number, so I could not call him to find out what his address was. The rest of the application was pretty similar. Lots of blank spaces. Did you want a job? Did you want a chance at a job? Do you really think that is going to compete with the other 100 applicants who applied for the same position and filled out their applications completely?

Then there is the one I just had that annoyed me over the edge so I had to vent. :) This person took the time to print out, on nice paper, and hand-deliver a resumé, with no address on it. AUGH! Are you hiding from the government? Are you in the Witness Protection Program? What is wrong with these people????????

I also love the people who come in and take the skills test and cheat. Right in front of me. Um, hello? Do I really have to tell you not to do that? I never do. They are usually the ones who miss half the test anyway.

And the one who comes in and asks me a question and then his cell phone rings and he answers it. He does not ask me to wait a moment. He does not hold up a "just a sec" finger. He does not ignore the call or turn off his cell phone. No. He has a conversation. It's obviously very important. It can't wait. I was in the middle of answering his question, but, hey, no biggie.

My favorite is still the guy who put on his application under Volunteer Experience, "Death and dismemberment cleanup."

Here are a few other gems:

Signature to a cover letter:

take care.tenderlyjane doe

Have you ever been convicted of or pleaded guilty to a felony or misdemeanor, other than a minor traffic violation?

1. “Mistor minor offence.”

2. “It was my first and only offense. …Minor entering a Tavoron.”

3. “Wrong place at the wong time, and I’m human I’m not perfect, and I am a much more better man.”

4. “Urinating in public because I didn't want to use a toilet nearby full of large, aggressive sissy boys.”