Hello, and welcome to Old Compton Street, it's a mild night here, warm for early April, and a large crowd has gathered outside to watch this great gala night for the stars. The cars are arriving quite fast now, here's a beautiful Rolls Royce Silver Corniche, all white, sliding gracefully up to the doors of the cinema. Commisioner Alf Venables, ex-father of Terry, steps forward, opens the door, and out steps a radiant Miss Taylor herself, looking absolutely stunning and off the --- organs are in silk dress, and next comes Burt Reynolds in a huge red Ferrari sports car and... My God! Burt Reynolds has run into the back of the Corniche and Miss Taylor turns and makes a splendid gesture at... Great heavens! It's Steve McQueen --- --- somersaulted through the air and --- into the back bumper of --- And who's this coming through the windscreen of the Mini...yes, it's lovely star Barbara Streisand flying through the air in a beautiful build of creation...and she's landed half on Roger Moore, looking quite well, and half on Jack Nicholson, who's not so well, and who's that under the back wheel? It's..yes! It's Faye Dunaway! No, no...it's Victor --- Yes, all the stars are here tonight...that's --- squashed in between the bonnet and Pete Murray and the box office door...and Shirley Temple ahead battered out of all definition...