The ocean air caressing our senses,
the sound of waves falling and nearing
the ocean mists on our cool skin condenses,
despite passions deep within us searing.

When Uranus is farthest from our Earth,
we shall stride together in harmony,
basking in each other's mirth,
rivalling even the holiest matrimony.

At sunset, one of the gentlest kisses we shall share,
to each other we are eternally drawn,
resting upon our shoulders all of my longer hair,
until, emerging in the sky, the son of the Titanic goddess of dawn.

Hesperus, the evening star, mirroring our own beaming,
and later the waxing moon visits,
touching each other, proof of our not dreaming.
Eos, with her rosy fingers fidgets.

She opens the gates of heaven,
so that Apollo can ride his chariot across the sky,
the beauty of the night to us god-given,
our exquisite love as perfect as infinity and pi.

8 comments:

like the ocean itself, with a calm, mighty seniority, this poem unfolds a wide collection of scenery, sounds and feelings when reading. The way it is crafted creates the sensation that it is the me, myself who is the subject on the shore, who's experiencing all the love feelings. Wonderful!

By incorporating mythologies you've raised the passion between the two to a sort of Olympian epicness. And yet along side you focus on dynamic things: the mists condensing, passions, the eons (time), the waves altering the shore.

It sets up an intriguing conflict between permanence and change.

In these lines, I like how the internal rhymes mimic the rhythm of waves: Walking on land that the Miocene Epoch brought,where rock is ground offshore, onshore and alongshore, for each other we are fraught,with gems of heart and mind, loving to explore more and more.

I even noticed it in the structure of the poem. While you adhere to a strict rhyme scheme (Olympus), the lines vary widely in meter (transience). Did you intend this?

I feel the poem could be stronger if a few of the rhymes (nearing, searing) hadn't been as forced, and if the meter had been a little more regular. That could just be me though, and it could be (as mentioned above) you intended that dissonance. In which case, well done – you've revived a conflict in my soul :D

A refuge from the appearances of calamity that life tosses at oneself and those one loves. A beautifully sustained act of faith expressed in one scene of cosmic nurturing unfolding after another in Earth settings enbosomed in a friendly Universe.

Blog author.

Quirina Roode-Gutzmer

What this blog is about.

This blog contains stories. Some of them are true, some false, some of them are funny, sad, tragic, poetic, rarely horrific, often weird, sometimes downright far-fetched and occasionally in another language. These stories are incubated in a procrastinating mind otherwise occupied by raising three interesting children (for love), translating German texts into English (for bread), writing my novel (for butter), and there was something else (for jam; cherry jam; stoned cherry jam, no less).