Forget, for the moment, comparisons with Park Chan-Wook’s
cult favorite of the same name from 2003; let’s judge Spike Lee’s version of Oldboy
on its own merits. It has a different cast & a different setting, and is aimed at a
different audience. But the lasting impression of Lee’s film is just how
dreadfully dull and routine it ends up becoming, after a promising start.

The first act is solid as we meet Joe
Doucett (Josh Brolin), an all-around screw up who is kidnapped in 1993 and
locked in a room for two decades, forced to eat the same few takeaway meals
over and over again while watching the events of the world unfold on a TV
set. We have an intriguing premise, Josh Brolin is holding our attention in a
make or break performance, and it’s not something we see in the usual Hollywood
thriller. So far so good.

Then Doucett is released and the film
rapidly loses control in every way possible; what was an edgy and dark
story plays out as just another standard thriller with the same genre beats
we’ve seen countless times before.In
what universe does Spike Lee think his audience will be fully immersed in a
story where we watch characters using Google and iPhones to do their detective work? Yes, this is a first
world country in the year 2013 and we’re all used to doing the same thing, but in no way does that translate into an effective thriller. Moreover, when
the film isn’t relying on Google to plug the gaps, we are forced to watch
characters looking at old newspapers and school yearbooks whilst scene after
scene offers endless exposition. The final act is
little else than characters telling us what happened in the past and Spike Lee
expecting us to give a damn.

The relationship between Doucett and Marie
Sebastian (Elizabeth Olsen), a 20-something girl he meets (literally because the ridiculous
storyline demands it and for no other reason) is woefully clunky and by pure
happenstance. The film never makes us believe they would get together and get
involved in this detective story, and all the time it’s part of the grand plan,
which makes the entire story seem utterly unbelievable. As the man who locked Doucett away for those 20 years, Sharlto Copley as Adrian derails every scene he is in; it’s like he is in a totally different film and Spike
Lee should have had the foresight to see just how terrible this performance was
going to look. With his performances in Elyisum
and now this, Copley has to be considered the worst actor of the year.

If Copley, the screenwriting-by-numbers
dialogue, and the omnipresent Apple products are this bad, let us ask: why even remake Oldboy? I
should start by saying I don’t care too much for Park Chan-Wook’s film other
than just liking it; it’s not something so sacred to me that I was outraged
by the news of a remake. The concept of a man being held prisoner in a room for
20 years without an inkling as to why only to be suddenly released could be taken in countless different directions, so why the need to
stick to the original story? Why couldn’t Spike Lee’s Oldboy be a totally different tale than
Park Chan-Wook’s? The ‘shocking’ conclusion and story to Park’s film
didn’t satisfy me, and I never found it to be a gripping tale, but
in Lee’s hands the whole thing just comes across as dumb, convoluted, and utterly silly.

Park’s film is famous for its
fight sequence where one man armed with a hammer takes on many men in a tight
corridor; the scene is original, one take, and fits with the style and tone of
the rest of the film. It wasn’t necessary to drive the plot, it just looked
great. In Lee’s film we also get that scene but it serves no purpose other than
to connect the two films; if Lee wanted to make this his own film, why include
this sequence? Why use a hammer again? Why do it in one take? The scene was
special to Park Chan-Wook but here it’s just imitation.

Therein lies the problem with Oldboy; as its own entity it is one third
of an interesting film and two thirds a dull thriller without the thrills. As a
remake it’s clearly inferior and never sells the story which made gave the
original its originality. So what was the point?