Well, okay, I hope this doesn’t sound silly. There’s this game I play that I’m really into. It’s called War Robots. And on my newest account, I’ve been playing with a tremendous power imbalance.

FR. MULCAHY

Power imbalance? Explain.

JAY

Yeah, I’m down in Private League, working my way up the ladder from the bottom. And I’ve got massively leveled gear. Like level 12 Zeuses on a Fury. Or max-level Orkans and a Thunder on a Lancelot. It’s…it’s not remotely fair.

FR. MULCAHY

“Level 12 Zeuses on a Fury”…?

JAY

Yeah.

FR. MULCAHY

Against?

JAY

Destriers. Cossacks. Golems. That sort of stuff.

FR. MULCAHY

“Destriers?”

JAY

Yeah. Like I said, it’s not really fair, they don’t stand a chance.

(Sound of confessional door slamming open, then heavy urgent footsteps. FR. MULCAHY opens the confessor’s door, grabs JAY by the neck and pulls him out onto the floor.)

FR. MULCAHY

YOU SEAL-CLUBBING SUNOVABITCH!

JAY

(choking, reaching up to push away FR. MULCAHY) F-father!!!??

FR. MULCAHY

It’s people like you that keep me from getting out of Silver!

(FR. MULCAHY continues strangling JAY)

JAY

(gasping) But…. but….

FR. MULCAHY

What’s the matter? MagGeps weren’t enough for you???

JAY

But… Father….

FR. MULCAHY

(straining) Why… can’t… you… just… play the game like everyone else???

JAY

(nearly blacking out) Father, it’s…it’s for SCIENCE!

(FR. MULCAHY releases Jay, who coughs and reaches for his throat, heaving breaths. A long pause.)