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There is choices in life . The gym gives options to pick male or female. I had this problem but in a relationship. I told her I didn't want a male being her personal trainer. Personal itself is such a strong word. A man will be motivating her watching her workouts showing her how to stretch. If I was a personal trainer id enjoy watching her workout. To top it of I heard of an interview on the, radio.. Confessions of a personal trainer. Look it up. ( if I seen her trainer was writhe old and not her type or maybe he wasn't into females go ahead) but that wasn't the case. I never asked and I wasn't going to. point being I told her if she chose a male to forget aabout us. Because she's not considering how I feel about it. I myself don't workout. If I did I wouldn't get a personal trainer,. I don't want a female showing me workouts and to see me struggle. And I don't want a male either. So I couldn't have her answer me how would she like it if I picked a female. If I want to get in shape id motivate myself I'll look at you tube videos. And eat right. There is, nothing wrong with a, man not wanting another man, close, to his woman. Ladies if you choose a man to be a personal trainer it's because you don't have a man aND if you ever find one that doesn't care about you having a male trainer it's because he has, no problem replacing, you... And as a man,I believe if you breakup a relationship because of this. Then you did the right thing. Maybe she's doing it so you have a reason to break up.We have choices in life..

At my gym, most of the personal trainers are men and the majority of people who use personal trainers are women. Therefore it is very common to see women with male personal trainers. I don't think this should be a big deal.

Agreed. It's been that way at every gym I have been a member of. Besides if someone was looking to cheat, they will find a way to do so. Whether it was with a co-worker, a teammate on the co-ed softball team, a random person at a bar, on a dating site etc.

I should expect that if I hire a personal trainer -- regardless of their gender -- that they should be ethical and professional.

Exactly. If you trust the woman you are dating you should expect her to be able to spot a guy who's not being professional and find another trainer. If you don't trust your woman and you can't admit that - then stuff like male personal trainers, girls night out, etc etc will be something that bothers you.

Personal trainers cost too much to have to go by gender. You should choose by how professional and effective the trainer is and what results can deliver.

Saying "if she hires a personal trainer, we're done" basically implies that you don't trust her, she can't resist someone else's influence, she can't put the brakes on someone who's not doing their job. That's insulting to her and to you - for example it's likely insecurity, and if actually true she's someone you picked, so what's your problem?

Several guys I have met lately have a problem with this. I feel they're over reacting or are just plain possessive. I'm not going to stop seeing my trainer because he is giving me amazing results. Am I wrong to think asking me to stop seeing a male trainer is ridiculous?

OP. This is your choice to do whatever you want with your life. Yes there is a level of insecurity in these men, but if you want to see a different result in your dating life then you might want to identify why this seem to be a recurring theme with you being the common denominator. I have two personal friends who are trainers and I can tell you for a fact that some of these men’s concerns are warranted as there are a lot of attached women (client) notches on these two men’s bedposts. A sh$t load to be exact!

If she knew the guy before me - its fair game, not my place to interfere. That isn't to say I wouldn't call the guy a complete waste of money, explain that he had the equivalent value of a male cheerleader, and finish the argument by stating that if she needed men to eye-**** her all she would have to do is check her 6 every few minutes.

Personal trainers are sham/con artists for the most part, outside of the few that do help. The only one who can help you in the gym is yourself - if you can't get traction, its not for you.

The only one who can help you in the gym is yourself - if you can't get traction, its not for you.

Agreed. I think anyone serious about improving their fitness will get their tookus to the gym. If you need directions and training, by all means hire a trainer and do it there. I have no issue with doing exercise in an exercise place.

I debate the ethics of training at home, not just because of the insecurity of having a trainer there alone, but because the home generally is not a strong motivating place to keep a good exercise work ethic going.

Some people are socially shy about their fitness and body shape, but a lot of gyms now have womens-only areas or private classroom spaces where instruction can take place. I think it's MUCH better for people to engage in workouts amongst other people so they can eventually overcome their shyness or poor body image. A trainer helps with that social coaching, but at home it's still only two people in a private setting. People need to realize you CAN be seen in public without makeup or support hosiery - and that goes for the guys, too!

Agreed. I think anyone serious about improving their fitness will get their tookus to the gym. If you need directions and training, by all means hire a trainer and do it there. I have no issue with doing exercise in an exercise place.

I thought this was about trainers regardless of where they are.

To the poster above who has male friends who are trainers who have slept with a lot of their clients, it doesn't matter. If the woman is into the guy she's with it won't happen, period. Those women would have cheated anyway, and this was a good opportunity. It didn't matter if these guys tried to sleep with them or not, eventually someone else would have and it would have happened somewhere else.

Gonna cheat, not gonna cheat on you by now blah blah blah are strawman arguments. Cheating isn't the issue, the issue is having or not having enough class to set some appropriate boundaries.

Too vague.

Boundaries for who, exactly? The client, the trainer, the SO? This is a trust issue. Someone brought up personal trainers who have bedpost notches. I responded to that - it's a matter of trusting and allowing the person you date to handle their own sh*t. If you don't think they are capable of it - that becomes a matter of who they are and why you chose them.

It's not your job to ward off potential suitors to the person you're dating - it's their job to say no if they are taken. This comes down to whether they can be trusted to say no. The thing you fear will happen is that person will get their way somehow and cause your SO to cheat on you. Period.

I debate the ethics of training at home, not just because of the insecurity of having a trainer there alone, but because the home generally is not a strong motivating place to keep a good exercise work ethic going.

You're right about home being a horrible place to workout. The other reason being that you cannot have all the equipment you need unless you seriously invested in some equipment. You will get a much better workout in the gym for the simple fact that A - you're there, and at the very least will be shamed into doing something, if not motivated B - Spandex and women's asses and C - the gym can become a community just like anything else.

If you go A+B+C what you've got is a foundation that will be harder to stop than it will to continue to go. The only time it sucks to go to the gym is the first month depending on the person. Eventually it will become routine, and possibly addictive.

When I worked out I was shy - the best thing you can know is that as long as you're working out, and doing it right - you will get props no matter how you look.

Nobody see's an overweight person on a treadmill who's putting serious pain in and says - ewww, they are more likely to commend the person than anything. At least that's how I am, who cares about where people start when they start? The only thing that actually matters is starting.

Second the above. if your partner can rationalize a reason to cheat on you...you already lost. tightening your grip is like trying to hold a bar of soap by squeezing.

Agreed.

A male personal trainer training my hypothetical girlfriend wouldn't bother me, just like me having an hypothetical female trainer shouldn't bother her. If our relationship is strong and we trust each other then there shouldn't be any issues, I would think we would choose trainers who are professionals and have ethics. I wouldn't give an ultimatum, I'll just have to trust her if she cheats then we're done, no sweat off my back. I never understood "Well what happens if they cheat? The temptation is there." Well if they cheat, you dump their asses and move on

There is, nothing wrong with a, man not wanting another man, close, to his woman.

Um...you do realize that when you are with a woman, you don't actually own the woman, right?

Ladies if you choose a man to be a personal trainer it's because you don't have a man aND if you ever find one that doesn't care about you having a male trainer it's because he has, no problem replacing, you.

Pure rubbish. I go to the gym. I have used the services of trainers, because I would like to know how I can most effectively get in shape without ripping my arm off, or breaking a hip. I can absolutely tell you that being soaked in sweat, swearing under my breath, and struggling to breathe, is not the way I typically like to present myself with someone I would like to have an intimate relationship with. In all honesty, it has never occurred to me that my personal trainers even have a gender, let alone someone I'm sizing up as potential bed partners. And I have had them both while in a relationship, and while single. A personal trainer is simply that. A personal trainer. (I also think they are serial killers trying to kill me, but that conversation is for another time. :D )

.. And as a man,I believe if you breakup a relationship because of this. Then you did the right thing. Maybe she's doing it so you have a reason to break up.

...and as a woman, I believe that if you continue with this kind of oppressive thinking, you will be perpetually single. Ain't nobody got time for that.

Boundaries for who, exactly? The client, the trainer, the SO? This is a trust issue. Someone brought up personal trainers who have bedpost notches. I responded to that - it's a matter of trusting and allowing the person you date to handle their own sh*t. If you don't think they are capable of it - that becomes a matter of who they are and why you chose them.

Either you get what I said or you don't have the awareness to grasp it. Has nothing to do with trust or cheating blah blah blah, it's about class and creating respectful boundaries. Anyway I attempt to further explain to you will sound vague and you will resort back to cheating/trust issues.

Guarantee you some posters get this immediately and others will say the same as you, cheat/trust blah blah blah.

Either you get what I said or you don't have the awareness to grasp it. Has nothing to do with trust or cheating blah blah blah, it's about class and creating respectful boundaries. Anyway I attempt to further explain to you will sound vague and you will resort back to cheating/trust issues.

For the sake of argument, even if this wasn't about trust / cheating, I think this is more about being a control freak than class. As for personal boundaries, if a trainer does something you don't like, tell him/her to stop or get a new trainer.

Either you get what I said or you don't have the awareness to grasp it.

I grasp that you have a very cave (wo)man mentality about relationships, or it appears that way for lack of a better explanation from you than "blah blah". Gender has nothing to do with hiring someone to get in shape with unless the person doing the hiring can't be trusted. You'd rather see the OTHER person take responsibility? Tough. If a man dates a woman who would hire a male trainer that tried to ruin his relationship and succeeded - it's on him at least as much as if not more because he chose her - and her behavior is likely obvious elsewhere as well. If she does exactly what he suspected I am not going to call him a victim.

Has nothing to do with trust or cheating blah blah blah, it's about class and creating respectful boundaries.

That sentence has to be geared towards something - it's very 1957 sounding. It makes me think "Stepford wife". Why is that? So....boundaries of what? Gender? So are you saying if a woman is dating a man she's to interact with no other men in close quarters or without him present as that's a crossed boundary? That's the only boundary I can see you pointing at.

If that's true, then where does this end? Male butchers, grocers, mechanics, pharmacists, tax accountants - to be fair should also be questioned as unhealthy to work with if a woman is "taken". Because if she uses any of those that's also unhealthy boundary setting, no? And yes, I seriously want to know the difference. Should her OBGYN be female? If not does this mean she's trying to ruin her relationship? If I am wrong about this, then please break this down for me so that other male hired workers aren't in the same category.

Anyway I attempt to further explain to you will sound vague and you will resort back to cheating/trust issues.

Honestly I don't think you have a practical answer for what "class" and "healthy boundary setting" is. So far I haven't heard a definition of it. I've only gotten from you that it shouldn't be questioned and somehow should be a given. Why don't you enlighten those who don't know what you mean by that with some detail?

Guarantee you some posters get this immediately and others will say the same as you, cheat/trust blah blah blah.

Are we not here to learn and expand our experience? Those who "get this immediately" do those people have a piece of DNA added (or missing, as it were) that causes them to just mindlessly agree?

As for any conclusions I drew above I do so for lack of information and context in text that I see. I'm looking to understand it in full detail so that I can see your point of view on it. I'm ready to read it when you're ready to explain it.

^^^See what did I say? Your response to me is so full of judgement and insults there's no logic or even a remote amount of respect coming from you. Respect is never old fashioned, only to those who can't grasp it.

It's not your job to ward off potential suitors to the person you're dating - it's their job to say no if they are taken. This comes down to whether they can be trusted to say no. The thing you fear will happen is that person will get their way somehow and cause your SO to cheat on you. Period.Why else would it be an issue?

Vince Flynn was a famous author of the 'Mitch Rapp' political thrillers and a Minnesota native. He lost a three year battle with prostate cancer in 2013. A local radio station interviewed him a few months before he passed when he knew he wasn't going to get any better. His one sole regret in life he said was hiring a young male personal trainer for his wife at home. He didn't go into the details of the situation too much, but basically said their conduct was enough to suspect infidelity, and it was very crushing to their marriage at a time when he really needed the support dealing with his cancer diagnosis.

The hiring and dealing with trainers - there's no question people can keep themselves at a professional level. It's not difficult to do your job and not screw it up, because that's what MOST people want to do where they work. BUT, I think the setting of doing so in a private residence behind closed doors - well, people have a distinctly DIFFERENT behavior pattern when at home versus out in public. Even if the professional wants to stay professional, the behavior of whomever is at 'home' can change dramatically because of that notion of being safe or private or within the boundaries of their own 'castle' where THEY make the rules. Stuff can happen. It's not a weakness of any particular gender - it could go either way - but the idea of 'behaving' within your own home walls can all too easily be tossed out the window.

Can a person be trusted to say, "No"? Of course - but I think it's far easier to expect and trust consistent behavior in a public venue versus a private one.

Would I want my SO observing me with a guy at the gym or at home, who is focusing on the muscle tone of my hot sweaty body in damp work out clothes for an extended period of time one on one? Focusing on tightening my ass and getting the perfect butt? He might need to regularly touch my body to make sure I'm getting the burn in the right place. No, I can work with a woman just as easily. I tend to get treated very well from men...I wonder why? Maybe because I don't pretend men and women are interchangeable and unisex? Maybe because I embrace my feminism? Or could it also be because I respect him and want him to be comfortable by not creating drama scenarios?

What about my inner thighs in thin stretch pants/shorts which are wet by now with sweat? Yeah a personal trainer showing me how to maximize my sex appeal all the way around as the sweat pours down my perfectly toned tanned body?

Let's not forget the pec's, gotta enhance the natural beauty of my breasts, also work those ab's right up the breasts, let's keep that erotic factor at a 10.

Any real man surely has no problem with me scheduling a hands on hot young stud to facilitate maximizing my physical sex appeal right?

Would I want my SO observing me with a guy at the gym or at home, who is focusing on the muscle tone of my hot sweaty body in damp work out clothes for an extended period of time one on one? Focusing on tightening my ass and getting the perfect butt? He might need to regularly touch my body to make sure I'm getting the burn in the right place. No, I can work with a woman just as easily. I tend to get treated very well from men...I wonder why? Maybe because I don't pretend men and women are interchangeable and unisex? Maybe because I embrace my feminism? Or could it also be because I respect him and want him to be comfortable by not creating drama scenarios?

Spoken like someone who has never had a personal trainer. This is completely opposite what working with a personal trainer is, and quite honestly, is a really offensive description of what I and others like me try to accomplish at a gym, as well as offensive to personal trainers. Personal trainers do not "touch you to make sure you are getting the burn in the right place". What you have seen on TV is not an accurate depiction of what goes on in a gym with personal trainers.

And I agree with the other poster. I'm curious as to where the line should be drawn for us classless people, who apparently don't have any self control. My boss is a married man. Does that mean I shouldn't work for him because we work closely together? If I need to call a repairman in, should I ensure it is a woman, in the event that they send a married man to my home with me here by myself, unable to control myself? If I get hit by a car, should I refuse to deal with male paramedics and insist that the ambulance be staffed by women only, because the men could be married, and heaven forbid they see my body parts?

There is such a thing as professional relationships, and often times, we cannot choose who we have them with. A relationship with a personal trainer, is simply that. A professional relationship. Some people are capable of having those without crossing any lines or being without class.