The Gaggle: How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love You Want

The Gagglecaptures the zeitgeist of today's “post-dating” world, where the rules for sex, dating, and relationships have completely changed. Instead of dating, women collect a “gaggle” of men who orbit around them, occupying both romantic and platonic roles, but ultimately revealingwhoandwhatthey want.

Who cares if he’s just not that into you? You’ve got a gaggThe Gagglecaptures the zeitgeist of today's “post-dating” world, where the rules for sex, dating, and relationships have completely changed. Instead of dating, women collect a “gaggle” of men who orbit around them, occupying both romantic and platonic roles, but ultimately revealingwhoandwhatthey want.

Who cares if he’s just not that into you? You’ve got a gaggle.

It’s easy to feel like your love life is nonexistent. You know you’re great, so why haven’t you been on a classic dinner-and-a-movie date since . . . well, forever? Because as it turns out, you are now living in a post-dating world, where the old rules for sex and relationships no longer apply. Suddenly, everything and nothing is a date. But this means that you have much more going on in your love life than you realize.

Think about all the ambiguous interactions you have with guys: from a brainstorming session with a coworker, to a drink with an old friend, to a late night Skype session with an ex who’s still in your life. Once you open your eyes, you’ll see that you’re already exploring all sorts of connections with the men in your life via these non-dates. And who are all these guys you’re non-dating?

Say hello to your gaggle.

The gaggle is the group of guys in your life who play different roles, fulfill different needs, and help you figure out who you are, what you want, and what kind of relationship you ultimately desire. Though no two gaggles are alike, there are ten types of men a gaggle might include, such as the Ego Booster, the Hot Sex Prospect, and the Boyfriend Prospect. Romance, excitement, self-discovery, love . . . all this will be yours, once you stop stressing about dates, labels, and expectations and start thinking of each man you know and meet as a potential guy in your gaggle.

In this clever and groundbreaking debut, based on interviews with women and men across the country, Jessica Massa reveals the ways in which the potential for love is all around you. The Gaggle is the ultimate guide to figuring out what you want—and finding your match—in a world that has left traditional dating behind....more

Community Reviews

Personally I am not a huge fan of self-help books (although I will admit to reading He's Just Not That Into You and It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken when in a low point). They start off so promising, but who has the time or the will power to follow all the rules and advice that they present. Life is a little more complex then self-help books realize.

That being said I just completed reading a self-help/dating book that isn't really a self-help book. Jessica Massa's The Gaggle: How thePersonally I am not a huge fan of self-help books (although I will admit to reading He's Just Not That Into You and It's Called a Break-up Because It's Broken when in a low point). They start off so promising, but who has the time or the will power to follow all the rules and advice that they present. Life is a little more complex then self-help books realize.

That being said I just completed reading a self-help/dating book that isn't really a self-help book. Jessica Massa's The Gaggle: How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love You Want, offered a surprising new take on post-dating relationships in this crazy new age. Instead of prescribing a set amount of rules to help you get over an ex or find the man of your dreams, Massa helps readers realize that by analyzing the men in your life (your gaggle) you can understand what you want in a man and how to get it. There are 10 men in every woman's gaggle whether she realizes it or not, there is: the ego booster, the ex boyfriend who's still around, the hot sex prospect, the career booster, the guy who just blew you off, the super horny guy who happens to be around a lot, and the boyfriend prospect. While you're most likely not going to find your true love in your gaggle of guy friends understanding what they offer and what they mean to you can help you realize what you need to have a satisfying and meaningful relationship.

Massa also goes into what compromises a guy's gaggle and it was particularly enlightening. Guy's girl friends comprised of: the girlfriend prospect, the work wife, the short term investment, the last resort, the girl who's out of his league, the friend he's just not that into, the challenge, the crazy girl, the (maybe) one, and the possibility.

It was really interesting figuring out what guy's gaggles I fit into and what categories different men in my life fit into. I also appreciated that this book wasn't meant to solve the hidden secrets of romance or offer ridiculous advice in order to snag a man. Massa interviewed hundred's of men and women (aged 22-35) and used their enlightening answers to come up with this quirky and eye-opening read. Definitely worth a read (even for you guys out there!).

I received this book for free from Goodread's giveaways in return for my honest, unbiased opinion. ...more

I came across this book quite randomly and unexpectedly after reading an article about it on CNN last week. I'm not normally one to be drawn to typical dating/relationship advice self-help-y books....which is exactly why I loved this book so much. While most dating/how-to-find-love books (particularly those geared towards heterosexual women) harp on all the stereotypical "do's" and "don'ts" in order to snag 'the one,' "The Gaggle" turns the focus to one of self-discovery. Incredibly refreshing!I came across this book quite randomly and unexpectedly after reading an article about it on CNN last week. I'm not normally one to be drawn to typical dating/relationship advice self-help-y books....which is exactly why I loved this book so much. While most dating/how-to-find-love books (particularly those geared towards heterosexual women) harp on all the stereotypical "do's" and "don'ts" in order to snag 'the one,' "The Gaggle" turns the focus to one of self-discovery. Incredibly refreshing! It caters to those of us navigating through the confusing post-modern dating world who are looking for something different. After reading this book, I have more insight, optimism, and an overall more relaxed outlook on dating/relationships in the 21st century. I had an epiphany of sorts. Part of my problem had been my mindset. I was going about it all wrong....dating and/or pursuing a long-term relationship in very black and white terms. "The Gaggle" encourages women to explore those shades of grey with an open mind, awareness, and sense of adventure(aka, those various men in your life whom serve a very functional and/or meaningful role without you even realizing it...until you read what's in this book!). I have a great 'gaggle' of fun, intelligent, attractive, and caring men in my life. How can I not feel excited and grateful to have SEVERAL guys in my life that fulfill me in one or more ways? ...more

Posted on Romancing the Book's blogReviewed by MarissaReview COpy Provided by the Publisher

I admit, it was the title that caught my attention. Since I have many men in my life – who I am not romantically involved with – I thought, “Why not read it and find out how all these men can help me?” Not quite how it works though.

Turns out that your Gaggle is made up of men who have the possibility of being romantic interests. There are ten types of men who can end up in your Gaggle, and each of those muPosted on Romancing the Book's blogReviewed by MarissaReview COpy Provided by the Publisher

I admit, it was the title that caught my attention. Since I have many men in my life – who I am not romantically involved with – I thought, “Why not read it and find out how all these men can help me?” Not quite how it works though.

Turns out that your Gaggle is made up of men who have the possibility of being romantic interests. There are ten types of men who can end up in your Gaggle, and each of those must appear attractive in one way or another. Not superficially attractive but attractive to you, whether it’s because he’s intelligent, fun, or a great storyteller.

So. Back to my (lack of a) romantic life. In viewing the possibilities for my Gaggle, I find I have The Super Horny Guy Who Happens to Be Around a Lot, The Guy Who Just Blew You Off, The Unavailable Guy, and The Ex-Boyfriend Who’s Still Around. Hmmmm… Not looking too good here. But the beauty of a Gaggle is that by using each of the men in yours, you can increase your Gaggle. For instance, let’s say The Guy Who Just Blew You Off brings a friend to your next softball game and you two hit it off. Bingo! The Boyfriend Prospect! Or maybe he’s The Hot Sex Prospect. Wherever he falls, you’ve filled another place in your Gaggle.

And it doesn’t stop there. Each member of your Gaggle has the potential to turn into The Boyfriend Prospect. Let’s say you have a good connection with your Accessory (he’s the guy you call when you need a plus-one for that business dinner or your cousin’s wedding). You laugh, commiserate over past loves, you like the way he makes you feel. The Accessory could turn into The Boyfriend Prospect.

What don’t I like about The Gaggle? First off, it’s geared for something called “the Millennium Generation”. The oldest person mentioned in the book was 34; the youngest was 19. (I happen to be 50.) Yes, I know, self-help books are geared toward one faction or another but the advice here is applicable to all age groups, not just young professionals.

Which brings me to number two. All of the interviewees quoted were young professionals. There was not a single waitress, construction worker, barista, or store clerk among them. Not even an office administrator. I found that very biased. Let’s face it; we all need advice in the romance department at some time or another.

The basic idea of The Gaggle is to get more men in your life. They may not necessarily be The Boyfriend Potential, but they could introduce you to one. In my day, we called this widening your circle. Now it’s a Gaggle. But the advice given seems, to me at least, solid and well founded: Increase your Gaggle and you increase the possibility of finding the right man for you. So now I’m on a Gaggle hunt!...more

This is a must read for millenial women! It can really change perspective on the dating world for women who were taught traditional dating was the only way to meet a good man. I think the concept of a "gaggle" of men to keep a woman away from focusing on just the one guy makes sense. It makes me think of "She's Gotta Have It", in which the main character had her "gaggle". Each man was interesting in his own way but no one was "the one" for her. She was enjoying them all on different levels whileThis is a must read for millenial women! It can really change perspective on the dating world for women who were taught traditional dating was the only way to meet a good man. I think the concept of a "gaggle" of men to keep a woman away from focusing on just the one guy makes sense. It makes me think of "She's Gotta Have It", in which the main character had her "gaggle". Each man was interesting in his own way but no one was "the one" for her. She was enjoying them all on different levels while on her journey to "the one." The guys' "gaggle" is an eye-opener especially if you ever been a Short-Term Investment, Last Resort or The Friend He Is Just Not That Into. I think many women have experienced all of the roles. The crowd source wisdom of this book really gives a glimpse of our generation, our hopes and expectations. I learned that men have feelings too and they actually WANT to be in relationships. Hmm...figure that!...more

I didn't agree with everything in The Gaggle but its premise of post-dating society was fascinating. What with the rise of non-dates (and pre-dates), the old dating rules no longer apply. I was as surprised to be reading a dating book as I was to find much of the content resonating. The section on who composes the guy's gaggle was eye-opening. While geared toward women, men would definitely benefit from these insights.

I recieved this book through the Goodread's First Read program. I'm not really sure what prompted me to hit the button, because this isn't the kind of book I usually read. I think it was the title. The Gaggle. It just sounds awesome. I never make it past page 5 of dating books. They're just so constricting. It's so black and white, and life is always a mess of greys. I figured if the book showed up on my doorstep it was meant to be.

This book gives you the language to talk about what we alreadyI recieved this book through the Goodread's First Read program. I'm not really sure what prompted me to hit the button, because this isn't the kind of book I usually read. I think it was the title. The Gaggle. It just sounds awesome. I never make it past page 5 of dating books. They're just so constricting. It's so black and white, and life is always a mess of greys. I figured if the book showed up on my doorstep it was meant to be.

This book gives you the language to talk about what we already know. We know that dating has changed, and Massa lets us know that it's a good thing. That we're not crazy, and hey, everyone else has a Gaggle. The best part about the book was the open mindedness of it. Massa never judged, but understood and even counseled. But most importantly, she did not beat the dead horse. I was worried that halfway through it would all get repetitive, but for the most part it wasn't.

The only real problem I had was with the separation of the guys and girls gaggles. They seemed to be the same things just redefined differently. While this book handled the grey areas really well, it just seemed weird to me they needed to be broken apart. They just seemed so similar to me, but maybe they don't to other people.

Over all this was a really great book. I would highly recommend it!...more

This book starts by stating that we live in a post-dating world. Gone are the days of going steady at the sock hop and getting pinned in the back seat of a classic Chevrolet. Jennifer Massa explores a millennial dating trend in which young single women may rather find themselves with a "gaggle" or a variety of men who play various roles or personality archetypes in one's life. While I don't disagree with some of the logic presented, I do find that I am not in the target demographic for this bookThis book starts by stating that we live in a post-dating world. Gone are the days of going steady at the sock hop and getting pinned in the back seat of a classic Chevrolet. Jennifer Massa explores a millennial dating trend in which young single women may rather find themselves with a "gaggle" or a variety of men who play various roles or personality archetypes in one's life. While I don't disagree with some of the logic presented, I do find that I am not in the target demographic for this book (written for millennials by a millennial). I really didn't gain much from this book but it is interesting knowledge in the event I am doing some counseling or soul work with friends of this age group or in the event I decide to write a fiction book with relationship dynamics geared to this demographic. So I give this book a respectable three out of five stars and recommend it for the frustrated single millennial girl who needs a little bit of relationship coaching....more

First off, I won my copy of this book via a giveaway hosted by Goodreads.

While this book helped me for the most part, it was not what I first thought it was. After reading it, I'm thankful for that!

If you're a girl who's got her heart and mind set on finding out how to make the guy you want fall hopelessly in love with you, then walk away now or expand your mind.

I'm still a little confused about what roles some guys play in my gaggle but now I'm equipped with the knowledge to figure it out propeFirst off, I won my copy of this book via a giveaway hosted by Goodreads.

While this book helped me for the most part, it was not what I first thought it was. After reading it, I'm thankful for that!

If you're a girl who's got her heart and mind set on finding out how to make the guy you want fall hopelessly in love with you, then walk away now or expand your mind.

I'm still a little confused about what roles some guys play in my gaggle but now I'm equipped with the knowledge to figure it out properly. With the exception of one, I've mostly figured out what role I play in each of their gaggles. Old-fashioned dating is all but dead. The gaggle really is the new norm and our best tool to finding that once in a lifetime kind of love. This book teaches you all about that tool and how to use it. I highly recommend it....more

Great modern dating book! Especially if you're stuck in the whole "boy meets girl, go on a date" antique model, and it's not working.

This book helps women define all the potential men in their lives that they may not have considered. It'll defiantly boost confidence about dating, ahem, Non-dating. While probably boosting the overall fun level one can have trying to find love, by removing the whole back of your head dread thoughts abouI Won an A.R.C. through www.goodreads.com first reads program.

Great modern dating book! Especially if you're stuck in the whole "boy meets girl, go on a date" antique model, and it's not working.

This book helps women define all the potential men in their lives that they may not have considered. It'll defiantly boost confidence about dating, ahem, Non-dating. While probably boosting the overall fun level one can have trying to find love, by removing the whole back of your head dread thoughts about making a great first impression. and having all those first date questions mastered like it's a career interview.

The focus is on having fun, making friends, and being yourself, and just advice for when someone in the gaggle will be a potential love connection, and then how to move forward with it in the modern world.

As for any self-help or advice book. Take it with a grain of salt....more

This is a new and true description of relationships in the 21 century. It's unlike and unique compare to other dating advice book I have read or heard about that give women a formulated answer for finding love or obtaining a relationship. I agree a hundred percent with what the author discusses about no one going on dates anymore but rather non-dates. This book helps you understand that every person in your group shapes you into becoming tReceived the book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

This is a new and true description of relationships in the 21 century. It's unlike and unique compare to other dating advice book I have read or heard about that give women a formulated answer for finding love or obtaining a relationship. I agree a hundred percent with what the author discusses about no one going on dates anymore but rather non-dates. This book helps you understand that every person in your group shapes you into becoming the person you are and that you are an influence in many other men's life.

I finally finished this book! Since recently becoming single again, I was more interested and inclined to read this book. It's really helped me to understand what roles I might play in some guy's love lives, especially my ex's. Before I was so confused and hurt, but now I have more of a guideline to go off of and I have more of a sense of how to act accordingly and what to expect. It's also helped me realize that I can cultivate my relationships with guys at the same time, rather than one at a tI finally finished this book! Since recently becoming single again, I was more interested and inclined to read this book. It's really helped me to understand what roles I might play in some guy's love lives, especially my ex's. Before I was so confused and hurt, but now I have more of a guideline to go off of and I have more of a sense of how to act accordingly and what to expect. It's also helped me realize that I can cultivate my relationships with guys at the same time, rather than one at a time so I'll have more opportunities for romance. It's helped prepare me for the life of a single gal again....more

Throughout my life, I have never really gotten guys. Why do they act the way they do? How do they view me? When I entered The Gaggle goodreads giveaway, it was sort of a joke to myself, something along the lines of see! There are guides out there if you really want to look for one! Then I won the book.

The Gaggle is realistic, hilarious, and a fun read. It kept me entertained and figure out your own priorities. I have a feeling that The Gaggle is one book Obtained: Through Goodreads First Reads

Throughout my life, I have never really gotten guys. Why do they act the way they do? How do they view me? When I entered The Gaggle goodreads giveaway, it was sort of a joke to myself, something along the lines of see! There are guides out there if you really want to look for one! Then I won the book.

The Gaggle is realistic, hilarious, and a fun read. It kept me entertained and figure out your own priorities. I have a feeling that The Gaggle is one book I'll definitely be keeping throughout my life....more

WOW!! Just plain... WOW!This is most definitively thee BEST book I have read so far.The moment I opened the front cover, I could not put it down.During the time of the power outage I sat on the floor with candles, just to be able to read the book.

I have now passed it on to a friend of mine, who is enjoying it just as much!Well Done to the Author for such a brilliant book and for opening my eyes.I see everything differently and she has made a difference in my life :)

A MUST READ! Highly recommendeWOW!! Just plain... WOW!This is most definitively thee BEST book I have read so far.The moment I opened the front cover, I could not put it down.During the time of the power outage I sat on the floor with candles, just to be able to read the book.

I have now passed it on to a friend of mine, who is enjoying it just as much!Well Done to the Author for such a brilliant book and for opening my eyes.I see everything differently and she has made a difference in my life :)

Disclosure: I obtained a copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway.

I struggled to finish this book for six months--although I read often and quickly.

In all fairness, this is not an easy topic to address. The premise is an interesting one, but the elucidation is much less so. This book reminded me of skipping rocks on water: touch a few quick points shallowly, and move on. Then again, I still haven't finished it; it may improve once I get past the 3/4 point.

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.Thought this book was really cute. I loved the fact that she broke us (men and women) into groups. Men have their groups that they put us all in. Of course women do that too. I don't read self help books. But i will tell you this book was fun and a good read. It makes you rethink some people you might not of. But over all be yourself and have fun.

Mostly got through it all. I think it is targeted for a younger audience, but I can definitely appreciate this book a lot. And it is well worth the read just to get thinking about the different dynamics we have with different people. It also gets you thinking about what attracts you to another person. Good stuff.

I haven't read this YET, but I know it's gonna be awesome! My mom & I used to babysit for this lovely lady! Obviously we did something right... Lol. This book will be a holiday gift for all my single lady friends!

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it,
click here.Great read very informative for those wondering if dating still exists. It explains a lot about modern day romances in this very overly connected world.