Ask Anna: Can I hook up with my friend?

I am interested in having sex with one of my friends. Usually I need some kind of emotional attachment for sex, so this works out. The problem is that the attachment between us could be compared to the best attachment on the vacuum cleaner— you know, the one that never comes off the hose because you don’t need any of the others. I don’t want our friendship to be ruined because I value it so much, but I dig it, you know? Is it worth it? Is there any amount of open communication that can make it OK? —Oh Not Sure Why I Too Can’t Have ’im?

Dear ON SWITCH,

A wise person once said, “You don’t get to choose your relatives, but you do get to choose the friends you want to chitty chitty bang bang.” (It was me.) At a time when the country is divided and in utter turmoil and panic, consoling oneself by engaging in casual sex with one’s friends honestly seems like a fine coping mechanism. Along with, you know, mobilizing and donating to social justice orgs and ugly-crying.

But on to the nitty-gritty of the chitty chitty. If you want to bang your friend, you’d be wise to establish a few ground rules first. But, Anna, isn’t rule-making the death knell of hot, spontaneous sex? Yes. But not everyone can mime their way to great sex, like me.

You don’t need to sign a contract or waiver or anything (except for the snorkeling equipment), but you do need to have an idea of what you both want, to make sure you don’t have wildly different ideas of what casual hookups can mean. For instance, is this a one-time deal, a semi-regular late-night booty call or whenever you’re both drunk eBaying late at night and lonely?

Despite all the hullabaloo about “cuddle hormones” and “Is hookup culture ruining relationships?”, we as a species are more than capable of engaging in casual, healthy sexual relationships with people we mutually respect, unlike those slutty bonobos, who never call you back. As long as we are honest about our intentions and adjust our realities accordingly.

Other friendly sex perks: You know the person already and don’t have to go through the ritual small talk of pretending to be interested in his or her anime collection. Also, since you trust your friend, you’re more likely to be able to articulate what you want in bed, thus sidestepping the potentially awkward conversation about your wall of nipple clamps.

Just be honest with yourself. If sex to you means commitment or picking out matching tracksuits, you might want to rethink fluid exchange as the next relationship step. If, however, sex to you is just a more pleasant way of getting through the latest Will Ferrell movie, then by all means, have at it. Be as upfront as you can, and if you notice bad feelings starting to surface, then have the fortitude to pull back, talk about it and be willing to return to platonic friendship.

Besides, what are friends for, really, if not to tell you when you have spinach in your teeth and to give you an occasional reach around?

Anna Pulley is a RedEye contributor. Got a question of your own? Email redeyedating@gmail.com. Or let her send you overly personal emails here.