Having been a widow at 30 with two small children, I have experienced the christian response to suffering and death. This is supposed to be the one point where all of this christian belief is vindicated - where it all is worth it. It was cold comfort to say the least.

There were so many people who wanted to help and they did so by praying. I appreciated their desire to help. Just not so much their way of doing it. I was still very much alone with our semi-private horror. While…

I ceased to believe in god when I finally let go of the idea that somehow suffering can be part of god's long term plan. After quite a lot of other sh1t happening, my 30 year old husband of 10 years suffered permanent nerve damage to his lower spine due to cancer. While he appeared to everyone else to be reasonably healthy, he was in fact unable to urinate. He also lost sexual function and partially lost bowel function. He had to self catheterize for the rest of his…

I have cancer. I wrestled with chemotherapy for six months then stopped treatment to gather my health. I mention this to tell a story that is related to my cancer. To keep my veins from collapsing during my treatment, a doctor placed a PowerPort on a large blood vessel just under my skin to allow treatment through the port. The surgery takes about 20 minutes. Before they put me under, the doctor asked if I minded if they prayed for me. Without hesitation I said that I didn't mind. After that,… Continue

They moved my dad to a Hospice Friday. I called my sis, Angela. She said that I need to call our brother, because he was willing to buy me and John plane tickets out there so I can see him. The only thing is, John has never met him and they think it would just be an indignity to meet him this way, which I understand.I called a friend of mine who runs a daycare. She kept the boys when they were little. She said she wouldn't even charge me! Although I will give her some money, because they will… Continue

I called him in his hospital room. He sounded very weak and soft-spoken. We didn't talk long. I think he knew who I was, because he asked me if the boys ate. It was an odd question, but it was coherent. He dropped the phone, and the nurse took it. She told me that he just sleeps a lot anymore. It breaks my heart every time I call. I want my daddy back. Like he was before.

A while back, he was diagnosed with melanoma cancer. This is the second time. He had it several years ago, and it was successfully removed. They recently operated again, taking out a large portion of his intestine, once again thinking they had removed it. He has been in and out of the hospital a lot over the past few months. They just told him a few weeks ago that he has cancer in his brain, and throughout his body, and that he has about three months left.
I haven't seen my dad in ten… Continue