Day 624- Talking in front of crowds – telling ego of its course

So things are definitely changing with and as my being and living. 5 years ago I was waaay down in the addictions, and in constant trouble with police and psychiatry. That was then. Now, I am talking in front of crowds and doing my preparing for greater and greater events and talks. Talking of my past, and talking of my solutions. Talking of my life. I am really enjoying to talk in front of crowds. That is right; I placed a “like” to that personality or persona that is doing public talks. What happens when I place a “like” to my personality of doing talks ?

Do you want to know ? If I let it be there… If I simply let it be a like/energy/positivity to that idea/personality, of talking in crowds?? Egooooo takes over the show… Egos starts ruling my person of talking in front of crowds. Thoughts/separations becomes more frequent and I start to think what do I want and desire of goods etc. It is as simple as it is dangerous. Ego !

What is Self-forgiveness?
It is the process by which an individual forgives oneself for accepting and allowing self to separate from objective reality, releasing positive and negative value judgments such as good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative – as subjective interpretations of reality regarding something or someone that leads to stability as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the thought that I liked this experience of talking in crowds making my appearance into this guru idea of myself as a savior or a actor / performance actor simply acting in my mind as ego, making my life forward more difficult on a path of ego and self interest, by placing a “like” to my picture of myself as talker/guru.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “This suits me”, “I am a born public speaker”, “This can be my living”, “I can do this all the time, any time a day”, kind of backchats within my mind “lirking” and “lurking” myself into ego and self interest with small chats in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I am a better or more prominent or more classy well dressed, fancy, etc, speaker then A or B or anyone else for that matter, thinking that I have such a good connection with my audience, that I have charm or charisma so that I can simply be natural and it is my thing to talk in crowds thinking I am good at talking in crowds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think I have to like or think positive about my job as a public speaker, that I should connect all sorts of energies to it, and connect all sorts of data to it, making my path as a public speaker more difficult and making my path within living “what is best for all” more difficult.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel surprised by facing ego within this relations thinking I should know better than giving into ego and into self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of this whole story like a faceboook picture that is all tagged and drowned in data/psychology where I get “likes” to tune in my ego and same old abusing/selfish system that I am placing an end to.

When and as I see myself turning into liking or in any matter placing energies or feelings to my idea/picture of myself talking in front of crowds, I stop myself, I slow myself down and I breathe. I realize that in that single moment that I am placing a value or a feeling to my experience or persona of talking I am giving into ego. I realize that when I credit myself or tell myself in chit – chats and backchats that “I am a great speaker”, or “I am clever to express myself” and that “I am better than other people to speak” etc, telling myself over and over again in backchats and small talks in my head, I am giving ego/guru the power over myself. I realize that in that very moment when I opinionate my character and that I give my talking character a specific value, I am then corrupting my character in that very moment.

I commit myself to keep my path and my persona of talking free of energies and psycho drama, to be able to express/talk as free as possible. I commit myself to keep a as free and loose posture and character without limitations/energies and data/psychology other that what I am living of living words as I speak. I commit myself to evolve and change into a better speaker and to let go of ego/guru in all its matter. I commit myself to let ego be ego and focus on common sense and what is genuinely best for all at all times.