Insight Into Me, For Those With A Morbid Curiosity, Or: Why I Haven't Written Anything For Weeks

Oh ma ga what if it rains? What if it's so hot people are miserable and don't want to dance? What if we can't find a venue we like or agree on? If we can't afford what we want? If the food isn't good? Where are we going to find a cool rabbi that we feel a connection to? How am I going to explain to all the sensitive people in my life what their roles will be during the ceremony? How do people pay for this without going into debt? What if we manage to pay for it, or put it on credit, or whatever, and then the boiler breaks? This photographer website looks really cool, I must have her. This one looks cool too. This one looks cool too. Who will alter my dress and how do I explain exactly what I want? Hm, a forum for brides in the UK. I think I will read it for ideas, even though I can't take most of them because they all relate to living in the UK. I must pore over this forum, I must read every word. What is the optimal combination of search terms for "unique wedding venue NJ" that will unlock Google's treasure trove of unique wedding venues in NJ that I know it is hiding from me? Am I a bad person if I order calla lilies in bulk online and arrange them myself, even though they are not native to this area or in season, and were probably grown with illegal pesticides by exploited child laborers? I'd like to have barbequed ribs, and also sushi, and speakers with an Ipod. I'd like to feel more confident when calling caterers. I'd like our wedding to be a perfect, shining, beautiful, clever expression of who we are as people and where we've come from and where we are going, individually and collectively, and I'd like everyone in attendance to smile the whole time and exclaim over how cool everything is and stay until the very last call, when they drag their feet off the dance floor with a kind of sweet despair that it ever has to end. I'd like to not care what people think. I'd like to do this knowing that everyone, everywhere has the right to do this and be legally wed. I'd like to turn off the computer and stop thinking about it.