#January2016

Those of us like me who have been counting down to Episode VIII are going to need to add a couple hundred days to the counter. The sequel to The Force Awakens has been pushed back from May to December of 2017. Me? I’m fine with this for a couple of reasons. First off: give the people involved the most time possible to put out the highest quality product. Second off: having Star Wars hitting around Christmas time every year makes an already special season glow just a bit more. So hey. I’m not particularly devastated. It will make its arrival just that much sweeter.

Haven’t we already danced the dance of temptation regarding Tatiana Maslany and Star Wars? If I recall correctly, she was up for a role in Rogue One. And now she’s back. In conversations for a significant role in Episode VIII. Getting me excited, again.

I guess it makes sense in some sort of financial way. Get the director behind this year’s biggest hit (Jurassic World) to direct a Star Wars movie. Unfortunately, that same movie is a bag of bloated CGI bullshit, that fails for most of the same reasons that the Prequels fail. Here’s hoping if he’s chosen, Colin Trevorrow brings more of the heart from Safety Not Guaranteed and less of the Hamster Ball Vomit Pile from Jurassic World to the final movie in the new trilogy.

Fuck yes. Rian Johnson has been making gorgeous af movies with cinematographer Steve Yedlin for a hit minute now (could that sentence have sucked any harder? whatever). So I’m glad to see Johnson has been able to bring Yedlin into the Star Wars stable as the director dives into the upcoming episode he is helming.

I always sort of thought J.J. Abrams was going to direct the entire new Star Wars trilogy. But with the turnover from The Force Awakens to Episode VIII being so short, it made sense that someone else would direct the middle bitty. When they named Rian Johnson, that beautiful, talented fucker, as the man in charge I rejoiced. I could handle him ostensibly handling the next two flicks. But maybe! Just maybe! Abrams is returning for the conclusion to this new installment of the Skywalker Saga?

Yeah! Fucking straight to the throat! I’m not just falling into self-parody with my Star Wars coverage, I’m falling into self-parody with a fucking Jar Jar Binks fleshlight stuck to my schlong. Rian Johnson recently opened up/didn’t really open up at all about his progress with Episode VIII, and I’m eating it up like the shameless glutton I am.

Oh sweet baby Jesus, Rian Johnson is working on a cyberpunk script. This douchebag (hi!) and cyberpunk go together like latex bondage porn and autoerotic asphyxiation. I am literally hardened at every point on my body where blood can flow to just thinking about this. Yes. Yes, yes, yes.