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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Paul McCormack's Would You Rather

Bored with the same old fashioned author interviews you see all around the blogosphere? Well, TNBBC's newest series is a fun, new, literary spin on the ole Would You Rather game. Get to know the authors we love to read in ways no other interviewer has. I've asked them to pick sides against the same 20 odd bookish scenarios.

Paul McCormack's

Would You Rather

Would you rather
write an entire book with your feet or with your tongue?

Feet—if no other reason than to avoid the horrible
mouth-related puns that would inevitably spring up in negative reviews: “bad
taste in the mouth”, “sucks”, “throwing up on the page” and on and on. And if I
used my foot there’d probably be some flattering Daniel Day Lewis references
there. I’m down for some good DDL comparisons.

Would you rather have
one giant bestseller or a long string of moderate sellers?

That’s a tough one. Someone like Harper Lee who was content
with one brilliant work doesn’t seem to me to be inferior to someone like Joe R
Lansdale who’s done a lot of really good work but never had a mega-huge seller.
If I’d finish a book and feel like that I’d done all I could do and was happy
to leave it at that, then hopefully it’s big one.

That said, I think I’ve got more than one story left in me,
so I’ll go for the “long string” answer.

Would you rather be a
well known author now or be considered a literary genius after you’re dead?

I imagine being well-known now would make paying bills
easier, so that would be nice. Aside from that, I’m not sure I really care.
Would you rather be Orson Wells or Ed Wood? Wells is clearly the better
filmmaker but I get the feeling Ed Wood had more fun with his projects. Being
able to enjoy writing for what it means to you is more rewarding than getting
caught up in how you’re received in popular culture.

Would you rather
write a book without using conjunctions or have every sentence of your book
begin with one?

Without. Can you imagine a book with every sentence
beginning with a conjunction? That would be a lot of pronouns. I’m not creative
enough because I can’t imagine a scenario where that wouldn’t be painful to read.

Would you rather have
every word of your favorite novel tattooed on your skin or always playing as an
audio in the background for the rest of your life?

I imagine that would depend on the length of my favorite
novel. A long one might be better to hear over and over compared to the excruciating
process of getting it tattooed all over.

If I had choose one “favorite” it’s kind of in the middle
where it’s tough to call, although the idea of getting “Po-tee-weet” tattooed
on each eyelid is kinda kickass.

Would you rather
write a book you truly believe in and have no one read it or write a crappy
book that comprises everything you believe in and have it become an overnight
success?

The former, especially since if it ends up being huge, you’d
end up having to talk about it day in and day out. Having to talk endlessly
about a project that you despise would be its own special kind of hell.

Would you rather
write a plot twist you hated or write a character you hated?

Character. You can hate a character for all sorts of
reasons. More importantly, you can hate a well-written character for several
very good reasons. I’d say it says a lot about you as an author if you’re able
to write a good character that you detest like that. In contrast, plot twists
you hate feel more like you’re cheating or doing something half-assed, which is
never a good feeling.

Would you rather use
your skin as paper or your blood as ink?

This sounds like one of those “sounds good in romantic
poetry but bad idea in real life” sorta things. Probably blood as ink. Despite
my earlier answer, I’m not a big fan of tattoos so the skin/paper thing isn’t
really up my alley.

Would you rather
become a character in your novel or have your characters escape the page and
reenact the novel in real life?

Since a significant portion of my latest novel involves an
impending universal cataclysm, I’m not really all that fired up to have that
come crashing into reality (you can all thank me later for that). I guess the
ethical answer would for me to be a character in the novel in that sense,
although I’m not sure what I’d do—my actual characters have the action handled
pretty effectively, I think. I’d probably just end up being “unnamed gas
station attendant in Chapter 3” or something… I’ve had worse jobs.

Would you rather
write without using punctuation and capitalization or without using words that
contained the letter E?

See, this is where I wish I’d finished that Japanese class
in college—I could totally get by without using the letter “e” if I was writing
in Kanji/Kana. Sadly I thought getting up at 9am was too difficult so I must
settle on refraining from punctuation and capitalization.

Would you rather have
schools teach your book or ban your book?

Well, it depends on the reason it was banned. I’d rather be
“Catcher in the Rye”
than “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Actually being taught in school doesn’t say much. Granted,
I’m not a kid anymore so maybe it’s all changed, but when I was in school I
remember having to slog through the likes of “Silas Marner” and “My Antonia”
(whitewashed of any interesting subtext) and several other forgettable
“classics.” In fact the only two books I remember enjoying in school were
“Great Expectations” (largely because the teacher who taught it was able to
show why it was a great story) and “To Kill a Mockingbird” (because it’s
amazing). Sadly there’s a certain safe banality that schools feel the need to
adhere to when it comes to literature. But what can you do?

Would you rather be
forced to listen to Ayn Rand bloviate for an hour or be hit on by an angry
Dylan Thomas?

How do you mean “hit on”? Thomas was a drunken Welshman—if
he were physically striking me, he probably wouldn’t be able to physically feel
it himself and could keep going indefinitely not to mention “fighting drunk”
guys go for cheap shots. I think it would be a deeply unpleasant experience. If
he were “hitting on me” by telling me how good I looked and if I wanted to “go
gentle into that good night” with him, it would be super awkward. Although
being able to say, “Go home, Dylan; you’re drunk,” would be kinda cool.

Either way, they’d probably still better than listening to
Ayn Rand.

Would you rather be
reduced to speaking only in haiku or be capable of only writing in haiku?

I’m not sure if anyone would notice if I only spoke in
haiku, aside from wondering why I was always counting to five and seven on my
fingers as I spoke.

Would you rather be stuck on an island with only the 50
Shades Series or a series in a language you couldn’t read?

The alternate language would at least offer a puzzle to
decipher to help pass the time. Of course I’m sure I’d end up finding out that
the universe, in its ultimate sense of irony, saw fit to leave me on a desert
island with the “Fifty Shades” series in Pashto.

Would you rather
critics rip your book apart publically or never talk about it at all?

Never talk about it. That way there will be all sorts of
extra copies lying around so after the Apocalypse, when society is trying to
rebuild, all they’ll have is copies of my books. And then I shall be the author
of the civilization the rises from the ashes. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I
shall be as a god! Bow to me all my future minions, for I am the Chosen One!

Would you rather have
everything you think automatically appear on your Twitter feed or have a voice
in your head narrate your every move?

I already have a voice in my head critiquing my every move,
so narration wouldn’t be that much of a change.

Would you rather give
up your computer or pens and paper?

Pens and paper. And anyone who’s seen my handwriting would
be cool with it, too.

Would you rather write
an entire novel standing on your tippy-toes or laying down flat on your back?

Tippy-toes sounds like an enhanced interrogation method of
some sort. Laying down could work.

Would you rather read
naked in front of a packed room or have no one show up to your reading?

I just had this dream. I was back in high school and I was
faking my way through a presentation because I’d forgotten that it was due that
day. Then a giant Doberman named Morty started making crude remarks and
snickering. It wasn’t a fun dream.

Would
you rather read a book that is written poorly but has an excellent story, or
read one with weak content but is written well?

To me, there are few things more frustrating than an
intriguing idea that’s presented poorly. Good story ideas mangled by bad or
sloppy writing is like seeing a beautiful car used in a demolition derby. It’s
just… wrong.

Weak content with good writing will only leave me with a
“meh” feeling, but that’s at least something I can stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Born and raised in
North Dakota,
Paul McCormack is the author of “All Things Right and Beautiful”, “All the
Stupid Little Children”, “All the Lights That Have Shone”. His latest effort,
“This Languid Earth”, a novel, is due out August
19th.

It is rumored that he
once divided by zero and went back in time. The resulting paradox altered the
course of human events and produced an entity known in this dimension as “Justin
Bieber”. He is very sorry and sincerely apologizes for any damage or distress
this has caused.

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Who's That Girl?

I have been buried beneath small press and self-published review copies since 2009. My passion for supporting the small press and self publishing communities has driven me out into the world wide web to demonstrate alternative ways to spread the word about amazing publishers, authors, and novels you might never had heard of. Feeding your reading addiction, one book at a time.