Take it off: Week 21

Want to see what I got last Thursday?

ONE-DERLAND!!!!

This morning I am 198 even. Never thought I’d be taking pictures of my scale for you all. But I couldn’t believe it myself and needed photographic evidence. Honestly, I never thought I’d get here again and you better believe I totally cried a little.

So what’s it like being in One-derland? Weird. It’s a strange place to be. It’s exhilarating, inspirational, joyful, motivating, scary, confusing, intimidating and sometimes sad.

The last week, mentally, has not been all ticker-tape parades and fireworks. Seeing that ONE has turned up the heat on the internal battle with myself. I am so proud of myself. I am beyond happy with the progress I’ve made, the things I’ve done to change my life, the opportunities that these changes have brought and continue to bring. I exercise almost daily! That alone is a miracle. Sundays are my ‘maybe’ days. If I am feeling lazy, I let myself be lazy. Every day I become more and more mindful of what I am eating and what I am feeding my child. I am proud of the way the changes I am making are changing my family in a positive manner.

But for all the pride and joy I feel over my accomplishments, there is a lot of struggling and fear. Just mere moments after getting this long sought after prize of making my way into One-derland, I found myself thinking about ‘bad’ foods. All I can think about all week are bad foods. Fear not though! I overcame every urge to indulge. I did have a birthday party this weekend (Happy 1st Birthday Mags!) and did allow myself a small piece of cake. Boy oh boy did I regret it. My body is not used to sugar and fatty foods anymore. (Toot! Toot!)

I find myself worrying about events that will have large amounts of food. Worrying to the point that I don’t want to go to these events. This weekend it was a birthday party and an outdoor music festival (mmmm….funnel cake). The birthday was a real wake up call for me. I NEED to go to Overeater’s Anonymous meetings. I need to confront this constant food conflict I have going on in my head. I’ve done so well staying on track. I’ve have my little side trips – but the birthday party caused me so much anxiety. I did really well and ate small portions, filled up mostly on veggies, only scooped a few bites worth of tasty, high carb items. I was super proud of myself for being able to eat responsible portions. But there was this beast in my head trying to talk me into eating more even after I was full.

As for the festival, thankfully it was so damn hot, any temptation I had was quashed by the unbearable heat. Yay?

So after I get back from BlogHer, I will begin going to meetings.

There. I said it. I need to build my food fighting army if I plan to be successful.

There is also the struggle with my body. Its so awesome that I can go to stores now and fit into just about anything. Fun, right? Well…sort of. I’m all lumpy and saggy now. A full body tuck is most certainly in my future one day. I’ve been obese for so long – things are just stretched out. So clothes that should look great end up looking lumpy. I see myself as a really comfortable couch. 😉 But really this struggle is minor and nothing a pair of Spanx can’t fix. Overall I am really happy with my appearance. Who knew I had such dainty wrists under that chub!? I think really its the overwhelming idea of what am I going to do with my body when I get to goal. How will I afford the much needed and expensive surgery to fix flabby skin? It’s a lot to consider and will be quite necessary in my case.

I’m seeing a lot of huge changes in my body and my self. Most are awesome, some make me feel kind of blah and others are just downright scary (in good and bad ways). I pray that the farther away I get from the 200’s that I will find more comfort and joy with my new self than internal torment and conflict.

All of this aside, I am seriously proud of myself. It’s been a long bumpy road to get here but I can see the finish line now. Fifty-eight pounds to go. I mean really? That’s it? (of course, talk to me tomorrow when I am like ‘SHIT! 58 freaking pounds! UGH!’) I got this though. And it will be even easier with an even bigger support group. I hope OEA is ready for me. :-S

And since this post turned kind of mopey-pants, lets turn that around. I’ll leave you with a dog in underpants!

(Yes, those are my old underpants that are now too big and ‘reconstructed’ to fit the dog.)

P.S. I will be posting 40lb pics later today. I forgot about it over the weekend…cuz you know, I was busy obsessing over cake and potato salad.

If you’re interested in trying Medifast, I have a great deal for you! Use the code TURNIP50 to get $50 off an order of $275.

*FTC Disclosure: Medifast provides their products for my personal use for free. I am not paid or compensated in any other way for mentioning their products. All thoughts written here are mine. I love complaining so I would tell you if I didn’t like something in the program.