What we do

Apocryphal Press is a news service that blends fantasy with fact—the fantasy predominating. It is firmly based on absurdist principles.

What you can do

Our large editorial staff is pleased to receive feedback of any kind.

Send general comments here, or publish comments on a specific news clip in the form below each clip.

To access the comment form for a news clip, double click the clip's headline, or the "read more" or "Comments" link at the bottom of the clip.

Find and read older clips

Our home page displays our five most-recent news clips. To view a list that includes our older clips, click Sitemap here or
at the bottom of the right column of each page.

In the Sitemap, you'll find all of our news clips listed in reverse chronological order under the "Blog" heading. To open a
clip, double click its page icon or headline.

Site designed and built by

15. November 2012

ROMNEY: “Obama won because he's a Christian”

SALT LAKE CITY — After claiming yesterday that President Obama won reelection by doling out millions of dollars to Latinos, blacks, and young people as “gifts,” Mitt “47%” Romney has added fuel
to the flames by blaming Obama's victory on the president's Christianity.

In a conference call with his wealthy donors, Romney quoted this passage from the Acts of the Apostles: “All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their
possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need.” (Acts 2: 44)

“Obama calls himself a Christian,” Romney continued, “and that New Testament passage that I just quoted sounds pretty Socialistic to me, if not Communistic, and that's why Obama won.”

“So you see, my friends,” Romney continued, “Obama didn't win because I started out this campaign as a severe conservative before painting myself as something different just to get elected.”

Tea Party leaders were exultant after hearing Romney's pronouncement, exclaiming that Romney had finally embraced the Tea Party mantra that Obama is a Socialist. “If only Romney had made that
point more forcefully in the campaign,” South Carolina Republican Senator Jim DeMint, a leading Tea Party supporter, said wistfully.