Every week Amil Niazi styles the Robber mannequins and then takes you on a sartorial spirit quest, finding the stories buried in the silk and wool. Check out her modern fairytales and then vote for your favourite!

Okay okay okay okay okay SO. I have a crazy headache and I can’t find any Advil or Gravol and I can’t eat anything because I have a fear that I might actually die from this hangover and I don’t want the last thing I ever do to involve food court food. But how perfect is this mood to write a wedding-themed mannequin post? This is for wedding guests of course if you’re the bride I dunno get yourself on one of those dress shows and have a rich Southern belle sell you some jazz, I got nothin’.

Sophie

There are a million different types of wedding guest you could be but like only two types of wedding guest you want to be. This girl is a good friend of the bride’s but obviously not so good that she’s in the bridal party but who cares because why would you want to be stuck in the bridal party when you can be swanning around with no cares in the world just eating and drinking and flirting with people’s handsome relatives and friends! She doesn’t know the bride’s family too well so she’s not worried about being a little sexy because it’s not like the bride’s dad literally witnessed her coming of age so it would be a bit creepy if all of a sudden now she had to worry about him seeing too much cleavage. No, she’s like, hello who cares look down my cleavage all you want Mr. Winslow, thanks for paying for an open bar! She is probably the kind of WOMYN who gets to leave the wedding with a fellow hot wedding guest because she was just easy, breezy, beautiful all night in a very super chill way not in a desperate, 27 Dresses kind of annoying Katherine Heigl way. That movie is so insane. Like, I’m sorry but there’s no way Katherine Heigl has one friend let alone 27 super close friends and I’m also sorry again but obviously none of them are not-white because she is obviously the Paula Deen of acting. (Minimarket dress Pagod, $210, Maude & Colette geo set necklace, $65 and Colette necklace, $80)

Cindy

Haha I don’t really like the name Cindy because it sounds like a volunteer mom on a field trip BUT I like this Cindy! This Cindy is the surprise hit at the wedding because even though at first you’re like, “Oh great there’s a stranger at this table how come I always get stuck at the mish-mash table?” it turns out that actually Cindy is the best and funniest person at the wedding and before the chicken even comes you guys are gossiping about all the bridesmaids and who wore it best and who is already drunk and adding each other on Facebook and are pretty much best friends forever until the wedding ends but who knows, now that you are FB friends you might see each other again sometime and I dunno maybe you’ll even invite her to your own wedding someday! Just kidding, you don’t even believe in the wedding industrial complex or Cindys in general but WHO KNOWS things are going so well maybe you’ll just change your mind about everything! (Creatures of Comfort Sheala dress, $369, and Cursive Design Tiny Monument necklace, $95)

So who won you over this week, Sophie or Cindy? Scroll down for the poll!

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