mcfly my story is littered with
self-inflicted hardship.
my whole life,
i've had every opportunity gently handed to me,
and i want to have to chase that shite.
so i create handicaps for myself.

i want life to be hard.
i have such strong convictions
to assign each of my goals,
that they always fall, easily.
life ain't hard enough, when im sober.

it is looking, though,
like life may take some ugly turns
unless i ease up on the abuse.

so i will.
so i am.
it is fine again.

yesterday i blew up a deadline
that defied logic.

i sent a drawing package to my client
and, literally, their jaw dropped.

honestly,
i ran about (4) fourteen hour
shifts back to back to accomplish the insane,
and the lack of sleep coupled with
the mental duress resulted in a
euphoric type mental state,
that i kinda enjoyed.

i was seeing sheit that weren't there.

so i can give up booze,
though i'll just find another way to bludgeon my mind.
we have this mutual distaste for
peace and clarity, me and my mind do.

I try to be kind to myself. I used to be judgmental and the one I judged the hardest was me. I am disciplined and once a course is set I stick to it till the end. There is balance Norwegian. Find the sweet spot. Enjoy the life we have and if you are healthy that's a lot to be thankful for.

Hehehe, I've run into the "handicap" mentality too Weedge. Little hurdles we erect in a field of stumbling ecstasy. The mindset proved vacant for me, but maybe you're Addiction's love-child. Funny, thought I was for a minute though. Oh well, reality is a bitch when you mistake yourself.

If you drink enough, you can be drunk for the rest of your life without drinking.

Such a weird thing alcohol/ism is.

I have also heard some long-term drinkers tell of the day that they drank and...nothing. The alcohol has completely stopped working, no buzz whatsoever. Physically addicted, they NEEDED to drink. Mentally addicted, the drink offered no relief. They described the condition as a living hell.

I'm coming into the "home stretch" on another year sober. I have a ways to go until August 26th and 17 years(ow, that seems unreal!) without a drink, but this is the time of year when my bottom was becoming clear to me, even still in my drinking days.

I am very lucky that I got sober, because I was finding myself in social situations(if they could be called that) in which I could have been badly injured.

This time of year tends to have a bit of a morose quality to it for me, as I recall some of the things I was going through. This time it is compounded with a very difficult financial situation, but I am starting to feel I do have something left to offer the world again.

I'm usually pretty even keeled, but I'm about to melt down here to the point I've gone from clenched jaw to just laughing out loud. Workplace stress is off the charts. Bi-polar boss is throwing me under the bus, HQ is making last-minute mandatory requests for data, giving conflicting directions, and general insanity. I'd be pulling out my hair if there was any left.

But the upside? Despite feeling like I want to crawl into bed, pull the sheet over my head and hide, I feel no desire to drink. At all.

Sure could use a giant bowl of sour diesel right about now though. (sobriety as an end to itself was never part of my deal, dealing with alcohol addiction was/is)

I was thinking about it tonight, I don't do meetings for my addiction. I haven't done a rehab program. THIS is basically my meeting. YOU are part of my support system.

These words from a peer group of people whose experiences couldn't be more pertinent to mine has been huge to me. Let's face it, the climber culture is pretty centered around drinking, puffing a joint, so to have you all who I respect say otherwise means the world.

So, what if instead of a drink/drug-oriented fest we planned a meet-up of climbers committed to a sober lifestyle and for those who support this? I'm not a gatherings/rendezvous kinda person, so this is way outside my comfort zone, but I just wanted to put the idea out there and see if there is any excitement to participate in something like this. Maybe music? Sharing our experiences? A raffle with donations to a worthy, sober cause? JTree in Fall? Somewhere else?

Just putting the thought out there to gauge if this is even worth pursuing...

Always a pleasure to come across a climbing partner that is and has been 100% sober and or just does not have a substance abuse problem of any kind. In all honesty for me it has been rare and really limited my potential climbing partners as i really just do not enjoy climbing the same with someone that want to drink or smoke while climbing or it is the first thing they do when done.

I agree so many climbers climbing takes part around a bottle or joint in some way shape or form. Kinda sad if you ask me as being sober and out in nature life as pure as it can be completely content with every moment just as it is has go to be the best darn thing i have ever experienced. And i was one of those people for many years that you never could have told that a joint or beer or this or that didn't just make it better.

I'd be interested in a sober climbing meet-up in JTree if it was after mid November. Before then, the Gunks. I could host a small group at the place I live(but cannot provide Mohonk Preserve access passes). Quiet, wooded, campfire, one mile from climbing.

Well, not so much struggling but tired of this for now. With upcoming major surgery, I figure I better hang up the towel. I look at myself and see not good, not bad, just not what is prefer to be. I've spent the past couple years floating aimlessly (I no longer need to work) around my life trying to figure it all out in my brain. I'm bored. I'm not really all that stressed. Boredom KILLS me though and I am not used to finding fun things to do in an urban area, so, TV and the green label it is. Everything costs sheckels which hopefully I'll have more of as a result. I may even find myself back in school, just for the hell of it, who knows. Not looking forward to this first month of physical effects but its not the first time, I lived before, guess I can live through it again.

A gathering would be pretty cool, but I think they all are and I NEVER go to any. Too reclusive.

Keep me in your thoughts, today is day one (again). Among all the good work noted in this thread, I look back thru it all and see my posts here and there back to 2010, sober, struggle, sober, struggle, struggle, struggle. The drinking roller coaster stops now, please, I want to get off this train of disaster. A sober outing sounds attractive.

Yup, day 2. Going to hang tough on that hour's worth of drive home from work tonight. Always one of my more difficult times.

BTW, anyone interested in joining me and taking advantage of a Friday June 14 entry permit? I've got room for 4 on my 7 person reservation for South Fork of Big Pine Creek. Still haven't done Disappointment Peak, so we're headed that way. You and your friends are more than welcome to join us on that little adventure, or you can bag Middle Palisade, Clyde Peak, the Thumb, or one of the awesome traverses...