mom on a mission

this is my blog, my opnions, my play pen. dont like what you read, move on!

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! NOT!

Today is a bitter sweet day for me. Most people celebrate their birthday with cake, ice-cream, presents. I on the other hand try to forget mine for not 1 but 2 reasons. The first, its the day my biological mother decided,, AH, I don't want another child and signed over her rights to me, and second, the day mom MOM MY REAL MOM passed away!! Any one who knew her knows this isn't that weird, because well, my mom was weird lol!!!! In a good way!

The first reason really should not bother me because I had a fantastic life and would not be who I am today if i was raised by my incubator. But as a mom times 7, 5 bio and 2 adopted, How the HELL can you walk away from a baby? I mean, Im a firm believer in open adoptions, which I have with my oldest son. Sometimes a woman just couldn't do it,, but she TRIED. Didn't walk away. She's still involved. Ya sure, i get it ,, drugs could be a factor,, but , it wasn't, alcohol could be a factor, but it wasn't, poverty could be a factor but, it wasn't. I was just the fact of doing whats best for me (as she stated) but in reality it was best for HER. ANY HOO, that was my rant of the day on reason number one.

Reason number two, a lot more emotional for me. For the last 2 years of her life we all took a hand in helping her. Making dinner, making Tea, (and for the record it was never RIGHT LOL). Doctors appointments, chemo appointments. And the day b4 my birthday I had the wonderful opportunity to try out my CPR skills on my mom who decided to stop breathing in the back seat on the way to her doctors appointment! GO MOM!!! Did i get a THANK YOU melissa for saving my life? NOPE!! I got OMG what did you do to my ribs!!! You were so rough!!!! REALLY MOTHER!~!
But that was her! lol. Even with her last few cognitive breaths, she still asked for her dam E cigaret which she was actually able to take a few drags of. AGAIN.. doesn't surprise me. lol. But in the end, she lost the battle, and with that , so did I! I lost my friend, my greatest cheerleader, my MOM! So instead of cake and ice cream on my birthday, I reflect on my beginning, and her end. And in the words of my mom... GOD BE WITH YOU!
RIP mom.. i love you