Sunday, September 8, 2013

Gameday - Week 1

09:42 - This weeks blog is limited to an hour for development time because there are only so many hours in the day and I am a very busy, very important person. The blog this week is just going to be matchup analysis and predictions based entirely on my imagination and opinions. Don't hold it against me.

so excited.

Week 1 Matchups

Gatorade me bitch! vs. Glenside Grannies

League Champion Gatorade is taking on the Grannies, last seasons 9th place finisher, and this years sole autodrafter. Turns out that Yahoo was not cruel to Nate with his autodraft, leaving him a fairly solid team. Currently he is still relying on Matthew Stafford, and while things are looking up with Reggie Bush there, they are still the Lions. Gatorade has a scary solid team with big point potential at every position.

Prediction: I am taking Glenside Grannies for the upset. Josh will be struck with under-performances from Jimmy Graham, Jamaal Charles, and even a late Monday surge from LeSean will not be enough. Big points from Pierre Garcon will help Glenside take the close win.

Gatorade 133 - 138 Glenside

SackedBySuggs vs. The Golden Showers

Two powerhouses from last year are duking it out in a week 1 in what could be a pivotal game for both their seasons. No pressure. Both had solid drafts, but have some interesting situations to deal with in their lineups. Suggs is starting Cecil Shorts, who plays for Jacksonville and is not named MJD, and Golden Showers is playing three Dallas Cowboys, defying traditional fantasy football knowledge.

Prediction: I want to pick Matt to win, but the Cowboys are going to screw him over. Suggs takes the victory, but will have to make big decisions next week after poor showings from Lamar Miller and Shorts.

Suggs 155 - 140 Golden Showers

BigMcLargeHuge vs. Mustache w/ Titties

The Yahoo draft grade consensus weaklings match up in week 1 in the Battle of the C-. BigMcLarge has a strong core, but a potentially steep drop off in depth, while Mustache really looks to struggle this season.

Prediction: BigMcLargeHuge with a big win. Tom Brady always lights people up week 1, and Megatron is Megatron.

Big 141 - 119 Mustache

One Beer Weidners vs. Farley's Fiddlers

I think, barring any miracles, that this game is already over. I think it's pretty much impossible to overcome a 60 point by one player performance.

Prediction: Farley holds on to win despite big games from AP and Rodgers. Bonus prediction - I leave 100 points on the bench.

Weidners 142 - 150 Fiddler's

Hey! Buddy! vs. Initials

This is a tough one to predict. The Ravens-Broncos game was cruel and kind to Buddy, with an easy TD for Thomas, but a lost Defensive TD due to supreme idiocy. I think in the end, the battle will come down to the quarterbacks, and I think the advantage will go to Paul. Kaepernick is too good. I think as the season goes on, he will slow down, but he will blow up this week.

Prediction: Riding on Kaepernick and the fact that Newton has no one besides steve smith, still, to throw to, Paul will put up big points as the weeks leading scorer.

Buddy 142 - 168 Initials

Ten things to watch for this week

1. Andy Reid in a "Chiefs Red" jumpsuit with utility belt

so red.

2. Rookie QBs across the league getting obliterated
3. The collective sigh of realization of the entire NFL when they realize that last year's rookie QBs were a fluke
4. Michael Vick's career-ending injury
5. Drew Brees selling Wranglers

so manly.

6. Ray Lewis behind the desk

7. The Saints hype machine going crazy after a big win over ATL

8 . Bengals taking their first step towards mediocrity after losing to the Bears