[This was written in memory of all my relations, neighbors, friends and everyone who left us on the 26th of December 2004. Time may fly.. But memories never die.. I still remember every second of that battle.. God.. I Pray You.. No more Tsunamis..!]

Starting point of this point of this blog post is a question asked my lecturer on last Friday. Actually what he meant was the book "Who Will Cry When Die" by Robin Sharma but since that I am trying to answer this question but I find no answer for that. Many of my batch mates were clueless and was staring at the lecturer with a question mark when he asked "Who will cry when you die?"..

Ok.. Fine.. Here is my story.. I am trying to answer this question "Who will Cry When I Die?"

I start from people around me.. I am thinking.. Thinking.. Thinking.. I have tried to make people pleased.. But many of those attempt failed and ended up making me feel like a loser.. In fact I have not made anyone happy.. I have done nothing to the society.. So who is gonna cry when I die?

One aspect to the answer is my parent. Well.. They will obviously cry because I am their only kid.. Apart from that I have no siblings or anyone to be worried about if I die..

Lets go to the next step.. FRIENDS.. Answer is there are no friends who will actually feel the loss of this girl called "Hajara".. I have done nothing to friends.. I have never made them happy.. I actually do not understand them.. So, no one is going to cry..

Next.. The society..I have done nothing to the society.. They actually do not feel whether I am alive or dead.. So the conclusion is there is going to be no impact on the society when I die.. So that nobody is going to cry for me..

I think I need a change.. I need to do something to the society.. The society should remember me at least for few years after my death.. I should seek a way to make a difference.. Seeking begins..!

Can you hear me?I wish you can.. But in reality you don't..Do you know how much I care for you?I guess you don't..Every time I tried to make you seeThat there is somebody to right next to youFate brought up a wallbetween you and me.. I no more bear heart breaks.. Tell me whether this is real or an illusion?Just Accept me or reject me..

Just thought of sharing some of ma experiences with you as a group member and a group leader. As a preface I am not a person who has an negative attitude towards group working.. In fact I was so attached to group working when I was an Interactor. I had best days in my life and realized how interesting to be in a group and we were able to bear the success and failure as a group.. There was no one to get all credit when something goes well. When something went wrong it was considered as a collective responsibility and at times I have personally tried to take responsibility of certain things but my colleagues did not let me do that. Coming from such a culture with positive attitude towards team working U must be wondering what is it that I am trying to tell now..

With time things have changed.. I have moved to a place where people do not understand how to be flexible.. This so bureaucratic.. We study about being flexible and but it never work when we do group assignments..

May be I was wrong last time and it was one of ma failures. I admit that I misled U all.. But it doeskin mean that I am gonna fail this time too.. And last attempt was da only failure that I had after many successful attempts. I still remember how you reacted when I was a success.. It was like I am the king and you all were lucky to be led by me. But once I fail at a step it is like all my fault..

I have decided now.. I am gonna let you do whatever you want in the way you want.. Then success or failure becomes yours.. NOT mine.. I will tolerate.. I will bear the pain inside me.. I hope I will be a success..

Show me the meaning of being lonelySo many words for the broken heartIt's hard to see in a crimson loveSo hard to breatheWalk with me, and maybeNights of light so soon becomeWild and free I could feel the sunYour every wish will be doneThey tell me

[Chorus:]Show me the meaning of being lonelyIs this the feeling I need to walk withTell me why I can't be there where you areThere's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never endsEyes of stone observe the trendsThey never say forever gaze upon meGuilty roads to an endless love (endless love)There's no controlAre you with me now?Your every wish will be doneThey tell me

[Chorus]

There's nowhere to runI have no place to goSurrender my heart, body, and soulHow can it beYou're asking meTo feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heartTell me why can't I be there where you are?

I Hate Luv Storys is a forthcoming film starring Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor in the lead roles. The film is a romantic comedy directed by debutante Punit Malhotra and produced under Karan Johar's Dharma Productions and Ronnie Screwvala's UTV Motion Pictures.[1] I Hate Luv Stories is scheduled for release on 2nd July, 2010.[2] Punit Malhotra is the nephew of designer Manish Malhotra and has earlier worked as an assistant director to Johar.

Synopsis

I hate luv storys is the maxim Jay lives by. But as an assistant director to Veer, the most famous romantic filmmaker of Indian Film Industry, Jay has little option but to live with larger than life, glossy, cinematic love on an everyday basis. Things only get worse when he is made to work under the new production designer on the film… Simran, with whom he shares the strangest first encounter!Simran loves luv storys; So much so that even her life has begun to resemble one. With her ideal job and the perfect boyfriend, Raj, she lives a blissful, dreamy life; One that is rudely interrupted by Jay’s cynicism.The turmoil’s of Jay and Simran’s life, is ironically interweaved with the Luv Story that they are working on…. But will Jay and Simran ever find their own Love Story??

Currently I am experiencing a weird experience where I figured out that the exams and getting sick have a relationship.. In ma further analysis I figured out that there is a strong positive core relationship exists..

As a consequence of being sick the student feels sleepy and this can be seen as a symptom which is quite common during examination periods. After my detail analysis I built up a formula which will be useful for all of u..

Exams and Sicknesses are positively related..

As a result of being sick sleeping time too increases.. I.e. Sleeping time and being sick is also positively interrelated. (Sickness=Sleep)

Conclusion is exams and sleeping time are positively interrelated.. ;-)

We had joy. We had fun.. But.. Every meeting has a farewell..So My dear friends..Day by day..We are moving towards our farewell..There is a reason to be happy.. But.. More than that..We have got reasons to cry.. Life has to move on.. So we should let things go..But... Another legend has to be witnessed..Before we leave..During remaining 11 months..

You said goodbye I fell apart I fell from all we had To I never knew I needed you so bad

You need to let things go I know, you told me so I've been through hell To break the spell

Why did I ever let you slip away Can't stand another day without you Without the feeling I once knew

I cry silently I cry inside of me I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again I cry Cause you're not here with me I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If you could see me now You would know just how How hard I try Not to wonder why

I wish I could believe in something new Oh please somebody tell me it's not trueI'll never be over you

Why did I ever let you slip away Can't stand another day without you Without the feeling I once knew

I cry silently I cry inside of me I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again I cry Cause you're not here with me I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

If I could have you back tomorrow If I could lose the pain and sorrow I would do just anything To make you see You still love me

I cry silently I cry inside of me I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again I cry Cause you're not here with me I cry Cause I'm lonely as can be I cry hopelessly Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again

I just started writing this post just to make myself comfortable by expressing the unexpressed feelings in me. This is all related to one of my friends who never understand that his words really hurt me and even when I express it I become the wrong doer. For god sake I am telling you, I never wanted to lose U. But u according to you I am in the process of forgetting you and U believe I have all tweets just to express the hate in ma mind. My dear friend.. U never realize.. Me having tweet does not mean that I hate you. But itz just one way out to express my suppressed feeling. Anyways..Now according to you I am a person who thinks that U are the wrong doer and you kill ma happiness. My tweets were never intended to mean something like that but you do believe.. Anyways.. Itz up to you to use your brain and decide on what is right and what is wrong.. Just think.. and Decide.. Please do not hurt me with your words.. I will not bear this any more..

Though this is ma first post I decided to write about something which is not gonna make any sense. Well.. Lets call it a fulfillment of a request.. ;-)

A thing that can make this earth a hell to me is screaming in ma ears. I mean when you read this for the first time it will make no sense but if you are put in to ma situation you will soon realize how screaming can irritate a calm and quite person. When I was at home I was brought up in a peaceful and calm environment where there were no screaming unless I scream at my mom. Once I came to Colombo I realized real meaning of the word screaming and decided to name the City as the City of Screams. When I settled in my current place in Colombo it gave me an opportunity to define this word with a better understanding where I am struggling second by second to avoid noises. As the last resort to end this problem I have decided to use cotton in ma ears so that I will be less distracted by screaming..

One more aspect.. I do not mind kids screaming. But what irritates me is when adults or teenagers scream for no reason may be because of stupid arguments. I hate it.. I hate it..

And best part is my friends used to say that I always scream and so how come I hate others screaming. If u are saying that I scream for no reason when I talk, U all do not know the meaning of the word screaming. If u are are really interested I can take you to my place and show you all what is called screaming. ;-)