Monday, September 9, 2013

Theater Whore: Elysium

The year is 2154 and
everyone...is covered in filth! I mean everyone on Earth. Up in space
shit is immaculate. In space no matter what booty cootie you have
there are machines that will heal it. Could you imagine the level of
strange sex you'd have if you could get healed that same say? I am so
off topic. I finally saw Elysium and after watching it I have decided
that this would have played out much better as a series and not a
film.

This movie is about a lot of
things. Social classes, the haves and the barely haves, technology,
and dirty folks. They aren't on the level of Dirt People but they are
very close. Matt Damon is an ex con that is trying to live his filthy
life and likes this chick that has a daughter that is dying. He
doesn't know that though. I'm not even sure he knows she has a kid.
He gets fucked up at work after already getting his arm broken by the
robot cops earlier. He is told that he has five days to live. Oh, and he gets bionic implants. Yay?

The guy that runs the weapons
place he works for is played by Bad Ass Mofo William Fichtner who
does not have close to enough screen time. He travels between Earth
and Elysium often. Bad Mamma Jamma Jodie Foster works up on Elysium and gets her
kicks blowing shuttles full of normal people who just want to be
healed out of the sky. She has a hired gun played by Sharlto Copley
that is stone cold fuck nuts. I didn't know he could play evil so
damned well. Foster wants to run shit but cant because she's a woman.
Or something.

Matt Damon knows he is gonna die
so he's all fuck everything and decides to follow this crazy hacker
smuggler guys plan to kidnap Fichtner, download his brain
information, and use it to make everyone a citizen to get free health
care. Of course shit gets wild and people start dying left and right
and while Matt Damon has all this information it is set to kill his
ass once he uses it.

This movie has so much goddamned
information that it is impossible to cram all of it into one film.
This would have been an amazing series. Season one could have focused
on Earth and Matt Damon's character. Season two would have been up in
Elysium or even how it came to be because its already there in the
movie. Season three could have introduced the crazy government hunter
guy and his craziness and association with Jodie Foster. And so on.
All this in one film is just excessive. Its a cool movie but it just
felt very rushed.Click here for previous Theater
Whore.