EVENTS

The Distillation of Religious Truth

The major religions all gathered togetherTo fathom the depths of god’s willThey listed their tenets, examining whetherThere’s Ultimate Truth to distill.

There were some that rejected a literal JesusAnd some the Nicenean Creed;But by carefully looking though all of the piecesThere’s one thing to which they agreed:

I’m right and you’re wrong, I’m right and you’re wrong,Come gather together and join in my songYou can all go to hell, which is where you belong,With your stupid beliefs, ‘cos I’m right and you’re wrong

They argued all week over “one god or many?”Original sin, and the role of The FallThe atheists said they believed in “not any”Which hardly, to me, is religion at all!

They spoke up for Allah, and Loki, and IsisThey pounded their desks till their knuckles were sore—Then, just when the argument bordered on crisisAgreement was found, and they started to roar:

I’m right and you’re wrong, I’m right and you’re wrong,Come gather together and join in my songYou can all go to hell, which is where you belong,With your stupid beliefs, ‘cos I’m right and you’re wrong

For every religion, each cult, sect, or practice,Each prayer, incantation, recital or songA neutral observer would notice the fact isThat other religions all thought it was wrong!

Much bloodier, though than a plain disagreement,These differences lead to crusade or jihadThe leaders each saw, though, to just let it be, meantThat people might realize they don’t need a god!

So, enemies once, now they joined protestations,Their new common cause made them pause to reflect,They petitioned the world, through the United NationsTo legislate everyone equal respect.

They couldn’t admit to the truth—quite unwilling,They couldn’t admit that it all was a fraudThey glossed over eons of torture and killingPretending to worship the very same God:

We’re right and they’re wrong, we’re right and they’re wrong,Come gather together and join in our songThey can all go to hell, which is where they belong,With their stupid beliefs, ‘cos we’re right and they’re wrong

Ok… for those of you who lasted through that, a reward: an actual worthwhile bit about politics and religion, from the amazingly talented international rock-star, Tim Minchin:

[…] What Brown gets wrong, though, is that he confuses “nonbelievers in god X” with “atheists”. There is already a perfectly good word for non-believers in the Christian God: heathens. Non-adherents to Islam are infidels; non-Jews are goyim. These are not different types of atheist, though–a heathen may well be a Muslim; a Jew may be an infidel; Christians are goyim. Not all religions have this us-them binary, but clearly a great many do. […]