MINOR IRRITATIONS OF LIFE – THEY ALL ADD UP

Is there anything more painful on the eyes than seeing some fat, middle aged man wearing a t-shirt with a sex-based slogan on? My retina’s are burning just at the thought of it. It’s bad enough seeing some spotty runt wandering around with an arrow pointing down to his pants with the words “It Won’t Suck Itself” emblazoned above it, but when you see someone old enough to be your dad wearing a top with “I’m Not A Male Chauvinist As Long As She Fucks & Cooks”, it’s enough to make you vomit up a decade’s worth of Loaded Magazines.

If You Own This, I Hate You

And it’s always on holiday where you see these idiots. We’re visiting SOMEONE ELSE’S COUNTRY, and the locals are making a judgement on our entire nation based on some beer guzzling baldie with “My Cock’s Bigger Than Yours” tattoed across his chest. God help us all. It’s no wonder the French hate us.

And if shops have to continue selling this sort of shit, can we at least install each top with some sort of electronic tag device? Like we do with prisoners. That way, when the pricks that wear them try to leave their homes the fashion police will be on them within seconds, baton in hand. And if somehow they manage to negotiate a way out of their gaff (because obviously that’s what they’d call their house) and ever enter an airport in such attire, can we all just agree to tell security he’s a terrorist and watch them gun him down in broad daylight? We’d be doing them AND us a huge favour.