«the more I say no to you, the more I sicken myself to not believe in that word.»

This is something I felt like sharing here.
I need to be more present in these places..

This is taken from my liveJournal: [Hidden link. Register to see links.]

Every time I see you, I cannot understand why,
the reason I say No to you, but I keep on feeling you,
like if it was yesterday we made Love.

I am always recalling and summoning you to my thoughts.
It has to stop. And yet I do not want to stop it myself.
If yes, I will suffer forever, for my feelings are most true to you,
and you still see me as unworthy of your love.

Uneasy, as my heart is speaking,
Kindly, the same has it is
But by Sadness I left, and you leave me be,
By the same I keep on feeling we will die.

A strong love that was worked from the scratch,
so many times our fences were brought down by others,
and yet, we raised them always up.
As LOVE was our most beautiful weapon.

Where have that gone? How it was so easy for you to just GO??
I fail on my own comprehension to understand such an event.
Not bounded my lies or mistakes, but more bounded to each others feelings.

And so I still feel like I am lost.
I try to say No to you, to go forth with my destiny line,
one which countless times it makes me feel wasted.
Wasting my time if I still summon you to my life.
And I know I am lying to myself so many times.

"Love is Forever"
and with that, the deception grows higher without anticipation.

Thousand needles trespass my heart for every time I see you,
and without knowing it, I already say No to you.
I already set my boat for my new life journey,
but still I feel you are my real compass.

I just wanted to know:
Why every time I decide to re-write my own lines
when you appear my build fences are so shaken,
that all my emotions start to be so uncontrollable,
and so insanely dead to Die for.

I feel like I will never know love again as I saw and built.
Never to love again. Never to able to give love.