“We were getting ready for him to come home,” said Cathy. “And welcome him back.”

‘Him’, is Cathy’s husband, Dale Aspedon. He was traveling on his motorcycle with three other motorcyclists. He made it as far as Little Sioux, Iowa on I-29.

Andrew Schlictemeier, 21, was drunk and more than four times the legal limit. He drove right into the motorcycles of Aspedon, Steve Benscoter, Dennis Chaney and Jay Bock. Aspedon was the first one hit head on.

Cathy had just received a text message from her husband.

“He told me that he loved me and that he would be home soon,” Cathy told KETV Newswatch 7’s Rob McCartney.

The next time Cathy heard from her husband’s phone, a truck driver who found it in the wreckage was calling.

“[He] told me there had been an accident and that I needed to get there right away,” remembered Cathy.

With a friend, she rushed to I-29 where a state trooper drover her near the scene, but not to it.

“You could see the motorcycles,” described Cathy. “The officer informed me this is one of the worst accidents he had ever seen.”

Two and a half years later, the wounds are still raw and real for Dale Aspedon’s wife and daughter.

“I miss his hugs,” said C.C. Aspedon, Dale’s daughter. “They were just so tight and like, reaffirming, and you knew he loved you.”

“I loved his smile,” said Autumn Aspedon, Dale’s other daughter. “Oh my gosh, his smile when he walked in through that front door.” Both daughters are learning to live without their father.

Holding on to the toy her dad gave her, Autumn remembers hearing about the crash and not believing it.

“I was just like, ‘he can't be dead’,” said Autumn. “That night I fell asleep, crying myself to sleep.”

C.C. withdrew.

“I was depressed, I didn't want to do anything, I didn't want to go anywhere,” said C.C. “I was really mad at everyone.”

Cathy, a worried mother and grieving wife, tried to do everything.

“I thought I had to learn his jobs on top of my jobs,” said Cathy. “You can’t always continue on. You have to take a break.”

A family member suggested the Aspedons should check out Ted E. Bear Hollow, a free grief counseling center. Trained volunteers carefully and compassionately work with kids, teenagers and adults after losing a love one. Activities like making masks allow family members to show the world what they’re feeling on the inside.

“One of our goals, in all our programs, is to really increase the family communication,” explained Cathy Fox, a social worker and program director at Ted E. Bear Hollow. “We look at what are the kids' coping skills already, what do they enjoy doing, how do they usually express themselves? And that really helps us get a good foundation for working through grief.”

Learning that grief can actually turn into a positive. Most have heard of Post-Traumatic Stress; experts also focus on Post Traumatic Growth.

“With children we see greater sense of empathy, better connection with family members and friends, a deeper sense of spirituality, a more positive outlook for their future,” said Fox.

The future is brighter now for the Aspedons, finding ways to grow from their grief. They held a lantern lighting party on the anniversary of the crash.

“It was hard, it was horrible it was tough,” said Cathy Aspedon. “You miss him like crazy, and there's lots of tears shed, but we made it and it was good and you could release other stuff besides that.”

The family is also putting on a ‘Try’athlon, involving community trick or treating and creating an Adopt-A-Soldier program in Glenwood Schools.

Through all of it, the Aspedons learned that everyone grieves in their own way.

“You've got to understand that how you grieve there's no book,” said Cathy. “There's no telling you, "this is the way you do it. You're going to be done in five months; you're going to be done in six months’." It took me two years to get where, ‘Okay, I can breathe’."

There will still always be moments that take Cathy’s breath away.

“Life does go on. It does get better,” said Cathy. “It's not always easy and it'll never always be easy. You have those minutes, those moments, where you remember him.”

For Cathy Aspedon, whenever veterans are recognized, she wants to cry, knowing how important service was to her husband, Dale.

“Sometimes you just cry by yourself and you give yourself five minutes to just let it all out and then you have to get up and get dressed and keep on going,” said Cathy.

Now, grief heals on its own time, but it does heal some.

“I still have his memories in my heart,” said Autumn.

“I'll never be over the loss of my Dad but I'll be better,” said C.C. “And I can help people with what I've gone through to help them.”

Their advice, for your sake and your family’s, is to not let grief win.

“There's still hope and there's still dreams and keep on going for them,” said Cathy.

Andrew Schlictemeier declined KETV’s requests for an interview. He is in the Clarinda Correctional Facility sentenced to 50 years. He could be out in 2033 when he is 44.

Comments

The views expressed are not those of this site, this station or its affiliated companies. By posting your comments you agree to accept our terms of use. KETV NewsWatch 7 offers readers the ability to comment on stories with the understanding that these comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or used on KETV NewsWatch 7 newscasts. We ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, comments that don't relate to the story and any personal remarks. THIS IS IMPORTANT: KETV NewsWatch 7 does not edit user submitted statements and we cannot promise that readers will not, at times, find offensive or inaccurate comments posted in this area. If you find a comment that is objectionable or offensive, click the flag that appears in the upper right corner when you hover over a comment. Flagged comments may be automatically hidden from comment threads. For comments to appear on the website and/or the mobile app, email addresses must be verified through Disqus. We ask the community to monitor this forum with the knowledge that KETV NewsWatch 7 does not regularly monitor these comments.