[voice over] Hi, it's Jon. I was calling to see if Odie's been over there, and... I can't find him around. My name's Jon Arbuckle, and... I can't find my dog. I look all around the neighborhood, and... I can't seem to find him. I saw him last night, but I didn't see him this morning, and... If you see him, give me a call, please. Hi, it's Jon. I was calling to see if you've seen Odie. Um, I think he's run away. I was giving him a bath last night, and forgot to put his collar back on. 'Cause, you know, Garfield hates his collar. [back at home and on the phone] He's about 15 pounds, he's brownish-yellow, with brown floppy ears.

[to Garfield, tried to catch a mouse] What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

[to Liz Wilson] Garfield's gone! He's run away, too! First Odie, and now Garfield. Liz, I am the worst pet owner on the planet!

Let's go for a ride to some place you love, that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

[sees a mouse in his house] Mouse!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

[sees Garfield eats Louis in his mouth] Oh, good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

[confronts Happy Chapman] This is for stealing my dog and my cat. [knocks him out with one punch]

[seeing his brother on TV] Oh please, what a know-it-all. And everybody always said I was the handsome one. I was the smart one. And I was born first. But there you are, "live from The Hague", and here I am, working with this sack of dander on a dead-end regional morning show.

Good Day New York, I know you're gonna flip for Odie because, he sure is flipping for you.

[last lines] Be happy.

[to Garfield] No dumb, dirty animal is ever going to get the better of me. [to Odie] And let's see how you feel with 200 volts coursing through that thick canine skull of yours.

Garfield: I make a point to get it good every day. The real question, Luca, is how shall I outwit you this time?

Luca: What?

Garfield: Shall I baffle you with simple math?

Luca: I know how to spell.

Garfield: Or should I distract you with something shiny?

Luca: Now you're making fun of me.

Garfield: I hope so. You're no fun to look at.

Luca: You'll never get the best of me! Aaah!

Garfield: I think I just did.

Luca: Not the ducks again!

Garfield: Jump back! And kiss myself. Oooh!

Luca: If I ever get off this chain, you're goin' down.

Garfield: Everybody back up! I don't know how wild this thing is gonna get. I love the smell of cinnamon-apple in the morning. It smells like... victory.

Luca: Oooh! I hate this fat cat.

Garfield:[feel relaxed] Aah. So much time and so little I need to do. [Just a chubby little mouse appears when Jon spots it]

Jon: Mouse! [Garfield spots also]

Garfield: No thanks, I'm full.

Garfield:[feel relaxed at home] Oh, do I feel good this morning. I slept like a fat CAT. Hey, tall dark and human, what's for breakfast?

Jon:[looking for Odie, concerned] Odie! Where are you boy?

Garfield: Relax, I think he was gonna camp out.

Jon: Odie?

Garfield: Well, he probably had a sleepover at Luca's, I think.

Jon: Odie! Odie?

Garfield: Well, maybe he's fetching the paper for the neighbors. Where is that silly dog?

Garfield: Oh...delicious!

(Arlene and Nermal while watching Odie very sad)

Arlene: Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig!

Nermal: Garfield's a pig?

Arlene: You never put the dog out at night.

Nermal: Why not?

Arlene: Because dogs...run away.

Happy Chapman: Any sign from the network yet?

Wendell: No, but they're looking for a dog act on Good Day New York.

Happy Chapman: Dog act?! Story of my life: Looking for a dog and I'm stuck with a cat!

Wendell: I thought the segment went quite well!

Happy Chapman:(mockingly) "I thought the segment went quite well!" Of course it went well, you TOAD! The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

(Arlene,Luca and Nermal confront Garfield for what he did to Odie)

Luca: Hey! What are you lookin' at?

Garfield: Nothing, just looking for some company.

Nermal: Keep walking, creepo.

Garfield: What's going on?

Arlene: We know how much you hated Odie. We know how much you wanted him gone!

Garfield: Wait a minute. All I wanted was to sleep in "My Own" bed!

Arlene: And to do it, you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?!

Nermal: We saw how you locked Odie outside last night!

Garfield: Oh! I don't believe you guys, I didn't know he was gonna run away. He's a DUMB DOG! No, offense, Luca?

Luca: Uh, what?

Garfield: You can't blame me for that.

Nermal: Any one of us could be next.

Arlene: Yeah. There's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Garfield: Huh? Oh, that's a little dramatic.

(Jon gives Garfield some mashed up cat-food and sets down his own microwavable hash-browns next to Garfield's cat food bowl)

Jon: It's liver-flavored.

Garfield:(sarcastically) Mmm, delicious...yuck! (when Jon comes back with a fork he does not notice that Garfield has taken his hash-browns and has put his own bowl of cat-food where Jon left his own breakfast; Jon accidentally takes a bite of the cat food)

Jon: AGH!! Oh, LIVER...!!(he runs to the sink and vomits)

Garfield:(smugly) Actually, it's liver-flavored.

Arlene: Garfield, are you all right?

Garfield: I think so. Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

Arlene: If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew toy.

Nermal: Yeah, he saved your life. Odie's a hero!

Garfield: Thanks a lot, partner.

Louis: Oh, yeah. Hold up, G!

Garfield:[surprised] What?

Louis: Watch out for the popo! You know, 5-o? Controlo?

Garfield:[still surprised] Huh?

Louis:[start to crazy] Animal control, man!

Garfield: Oh, that popo!

[Louis, a chubby little mouse who was running when Garfield arrives]

Garfield: Louis! What are you doing in the house, when Jon's home?

Louis: Sorry, Garfield. Man, I couldn't help it!

Garfield: Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

So I sat down and watched the whole thing, and I kept saying, "Who the hell cut this thing? Who did this? What the fuck was Coen thinking?" And then they explained it to me: It wasn't written by that Joel Coen.