The priest & the sinner ...............

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The priest tells the sinner, You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's

Soon, another man enters the confessional. Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months.

This time the priest asks, Who is this Fannie Green?

A new woman in the neighbourhood, the sinner replies.

Very well, says the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, slim ,redheaded woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.
Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly apart, Sharon Stone-style..

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, Is that Fannie Green?
The altar boy replies, ...

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A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. "I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive barmitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where did I go wrong?"

"Funny you should come to me," said the Rabbi. "Like you I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he, too, tells me he has decided to become a Christian."

A middle aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she has a near-death experience. During that experience she sees God and asks if this is it. God says no and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.

Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, and a tummy tuck. She even has someone come in and change her hair colour. She figures that since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out the hospital after the last operation and is killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.

She arrives in front of God again and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?"