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Gordon Ramsay

Just The Facts

Gordon Ramsay is a former soccer player turned internationally known master chef with over a dozen Michelin stars.

Gordon Ramsay can turn idiots into culinary masters, fix up a failing restaurant with simple ideas, and resolve a family's inner turmoil, all within the space of an hour.

Mysteriously, Gordon Ramsay is Scottish but does not possess a typical Scottish accent. This requires further investigation.

Do not ever make a mistake around Gordon Ramsay.

If you make a mistake around Gordon Ramsay, he might throw it at you.

Do not be fat around Gordon Ramsay.

Hell's Kitchen

Hell's Kitchen is a reality game show designed to place ridiculous pressure upon its contestants, so that Gordon Ramsay may yell at them and America may laugh and clap their hands with delight. Between twelve and sixteen contestants compete for the chance to be an executive chefhead chefsenior sous chef honorable mention at a high-end restaurant. The show also offers insight into the creation of delicious-looking gourmet dishes, which allows the viewing audience to think that they have learned something and have any chance of becoming a chef of any kind. This winning formula has made Hell's Kitchen the most popular reality show on television. Observe the above flowchart for a more clear formula for each episode.

One of the key factors in the success of Hell's Kitchen is the fact that nobody has a vote except for Gordon Ramsay, who has a finely tuned bullshit detector. This doesn't necessarily mean that the dickhole saboteur will be sent home, but it does mean that there is no alliance mini-game going on in the background, and if anyone tries, it goes nowhere. This effectively reduces the show down to one and only one important element: Gordon Ramsay yelling at people.

Some claim that Gordon Ramsay's anger is intentionally played up for this show, and some fights may even be scripted. Who gives a shit?

You should never watch Hell's Kitchen when you are hungry.

Kitchen Nightmares

Kitchen Nightmares is an attempt to play up the part of Gordon Ramsay that is really really good at cooking, by contrasting him with people who suck at it. In this show, Gordon Ramsay travels to some restaurant or other that is bleeding money because their food sucks. They are invariably surprised by this fact.

In addition to being terrible cooks, these people are often openly hostile and will argue with Gordon Ramsay about many of the obvious problems plaguing their restaurant; this makes Gordon Ramsay look like the good guy in comparison, which is fucking hilarious. These people usually have some major personal problems/inner turmoil plaguing them and rendering them unable to be competent restaurateurs, like Dark Gaia. Gordon Ramsay, being a licensed psychiatrist, will solve all their personal problems in very short order.

He then proceeds to turn the restaurant completely around, at least until he leaves and the restaurant collapses into bankruptcy. Some people claim that these restaurants, which were failing before Gordon Ramsay arrived and are not populated by the best businesspeople in the world, fail because of Gordon Ramsay's "touch of death". These people are idiots.

Like most television shows, the British version is superior.

Gordon Ramsay Is A Dickweed

The swearing and the food-throwing aside, Gordon Ramsay is more of a dickweed than people realize. An inside source confirmed this fucked-up fact: Gordon Ramsay has cameras watching the hot plates of each of his 27 or so restaurants at all times. These cameras are connected to a giant TV screen at the foot of his fucking bed. He uses this footage to identify whenever something is happening that he doesn't like, so that he may call up the restaurant and bitch at them in real time. Holy shit.

Gordon Ramsay is greatly concerned with his reputation and image, which he correctly believes will keep his restaurants packed by giving him excellent Michelin ratings. His arrogance leads to taking up the stance of "fuck the customer, I am always right", which is good on a reality TV show, but very bad when you apply it to your restaurants, which is what Gordon Ramsay does.

Reportedly, he cheated on his wife in an affair that was exposed in early 2009. Who knows or cares if this is true. The bad press can only make him angrier.

Other Stuff

He has some other shows, and he has a lot of restaurants in various places, and he wrote a bunch of cookbooks and stuff. The books do not yell at you as far as we know.