s'all good

Mitt Romney Went Back And Looked at His Tax Returns For Us!

Finally, a little class in American politics. Instead of merely releasing the past ten years of his income tax returns to the public, Mitt Romney took it upon himself to go back and examine the returns for us. He has great news to deliver! “Every year I’ve paid at least 13 percent,” Romney said in South Carolina today, “and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, why the number gets well above 20 percent.”

It’s true, if you add back the amount that Mitt Romney deducted from his taxable income, the number is considerably higher. Just like if you add back the amount your Wonkette author deducts for food delivery each day, the number would be well over 150 percent! Huh? Oh god, we need to return our accountant’s calls…

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

Actually, 20-13=7, so he's screwing his church out of three percent too.
Not that all of it isn't bullshit anyway.

What a fucking sack of shit.

Native_of_SL_UT

This particular "Charity" bought a section of SLC's Main Street and closed it so they could put up a reflective pool next to their temple.
This particular "Charity" just opened the City Creek Mall in a 2 block area in SLC. This "charitable" mall has a Tiffany's, a Rolex Store, a Bose store and many others. It has a retractable roof so that its "charities" aren't affected by bad weather. It even has a stream with fish in it. http://www.shopcitycreekcenter.com/

Exactly. I was screaming at my computer screen (under my breath, I am at work, for pete's sake), fuck you Romney. The Mormon Church is not a charity and since when can you add that back in as some kind of tax?

Hey, IRS, from now on just know that will be paying my taxes in charitable donations to Planned Parenthood, the Innocence Project, MoveOn, ACLU, ASPCA.

Gray temples, Mormon temples. This whole tax thingy is so galdarn confusin to me and I am just an ordinary 'merican and I don't need to know nuthin 'bout nuthin anyways. And where 'r my Jeezuuz cupcakes?….

Not really sure how I'm supposed to be reassured by a billionaire paying a way lower tax rate than I do, but it's nice of Mittens to assure us that he has done the absolute least possible to support the country.

Willardbot9000_V2.5

What is funny about that statement is Mittens has already said something just like it. I cannot remember the entire statement but I think it goes like this: "if I have paid a dollar more in taxes than what I absolutely must pay, do not vote for me for President"…and the rich like to tell us how much more patriotic they are than the rest of us…

Thurman Munster IV

And that 20% went to a church that got Prop 8 passed. This is the moral equivelant of propping up the Contras

MadBrahms

Given that Romney actually did support Central American dictatorships, it's less an equivalency that a logical progression.

Lascauxcaveman

He's pretty consistent, alright.

NellCote71

OMG. I had totes forgotten that. This does not bode well for my blood pressure nor my already lousy mood.

Callyson

Seriously–and no, Mittens, your voluntary donations to charities of *your* choice do not count in figuring out the percent you are legally obligated to pay in taxes, just like ordinary Americans…

LastGasp

… and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, why the number gets well above 20 percent.

Have I ever mentioned that I totally loathe people who use "why" like that?

Who the fuck does that? You're not some 1940s silver screen starlet, Mitt.

Steverino247

It just ain't fittin'!

Geminisunmars

Why…I oughta…

SavageDrummer

"And if you add in the money that goes to dancing horses and car elevators and yachts and jet-skis and mansions and stuff then I've paid almost the same rate of taxes that someone that makes 1/100 of my income pays, so I'm pretty much the greatest person ever!"

taxes are not, you hear me, NOT part of a civic duty and social contract that individuals owe to their sovereign government made up of fellow citizens in return for that government organizing a society around creation and enforcement of rules and infrastructure to enable you, the taxpayer, to go out and provide for you and yours. taxes are not that–at all, my friend. what are you, some kind of commie?

viennawoods13

And the fact that his church would come after him with pitchforks or excommunication if he DIDN'T pay that 10%? Not important, right, Mitt?

"And if you multiply it by 4, you get 52, which is the number of weeks in a year, which means that I pay taxes every single week, unlike most people who only pay them yearly. And if you count that in horse weeks, well, my friend, that's $77,000 in savings for each American, which is more than enough to keep Medicare solvent until the 55 year old turn 65 and we kill them and harvest their organs."

Not_So_Much

Regarding my own tax burden, if you include all the unicorns I say I haven't murdered, then my rate is double-digits higher than his and includes billions and billions of unicorns. I'm doing my part, just like him.

bikerlaureate

I loved this monologue when Robert Preston did it in that snazzy striped blazer.

So me giving money to my local food bank is part of my taxes? I guess I need to fire my CPA and use one of yours. Can you also help me find a way to deduct the cost of feeding my cat since you deducted $77K for Rafalca?

cromiller

Here, here! I will also be giving my CPA a call. do donations to planned parenthood work too?

glasspusher

What about my "donations" to the sperm bank?

BlueStateLibel

First, incorporate your cat as an LLC. You then report any of your cat's earnings (mice don't count). And guess what, if your cat doesn't earn anything, you can then claim as a loss the cost of feeding and caring for her (don't forget the cost of cat litter and providing a home for her). Voila, instant tax deduction!

Well shit, in that case, sorry for the trouble, dude. Didn't mean to inconvenience you with all of our pesky questions. Obviously there's nothing to see here, so we'll just drop this issue and carry on.

SmutBoffin

We'll just let you go back to your Quiet Room, Mitt, where we're sure you will come up with an economic plan that cleans all this Great Depression shit right up.

EatsBabyDingos

Did he give to Our Lady of Perpetual Spin?

HogeyeGrex

I think I've seen that video.

elviouslyqueer

We demand that you show us the long form, motherfucker!

What? Hey, if Orly, The Donald, every. single. Fox. News. Talking. Head, and basically everyone within shouting distance of Republicans can use this against Barry, then BY GOD I can repeat it here for Mittens.

insidebeltway

Sic Arpagio, whatever his name is, on him.

YouBetcha

Also, in case it was ever in question, I would not hit that. Never. Not even if Ann agreed to join.

Sivart_R1

I was under the impression that the taxes were in a blind trust, and that he was unaware himself of what was in them…or is it that he just keeps the access from Ms. Willard, since money discussions just aren't ladylike?

I agree; although they don't disclose their finances, they are widely known as the richest church in the world (estimated worth of $30 Billion).

HistoriCat

You don't call 50% off tuition at BYU a dividend?

Jus_Wonderin

Whew. Finally. Now I guess I have no basis at all for my dislike of this guy. Shame on me.

Extemporanus

"Trust me, you people. I keep my tax returns wrapped in a frock in a box, and when I employed a seer stone in the bottom of a hat to dictate a translation to my accountant, they clearly stated that I paid at least 13%."

Schmannnity

I went back and looked at that dead body buried in my back yard, and there appears to be no foul play.

glasspusher

This.

Jus_Wonderin

You know, with a bit of creative accounting you could take that buried dead body as a deduction.

Mittens Howell, III

and 10% of the body's limbs were donated to charity.

FNMA

Deduction, hell. Dependent.

Jus_Wonderin

My "friends" accountant says I, ummm he, can deduct upkeep on the mowing of the grass and/or the cultivating of the camoflauge shrubs.

Of course, there is always the thought that the body could be buried "off shore".

bikerlaureate

Fertilizer libel !

donatella6

Dead bodies are people too, my friend.

bumfug

In the spirit of full disclosure, he said "Of course that's federal, state, local, sales and property tax combined."

GunToting[Redacted]

Plus what I tip the stableboy.

PuckStopsHere

Yeah, like he tips his stableboy. Or anyone else.

FakaktaSouth

I agree, focusing on how he paid so little in taxes IS small minded – we need to get more "big picture here" and focus on the evil, illegal, life-screwing ways he made any of his money to begin with. If anyone should know about small minds, it is this guy.

randcoolcatdaddy

If I just paid a 13% tax rate, I'd be on Craigslist, creating some jobs and stimulating the economy, if you catch my drift.

orygoon

Since you have no credibility anyway, Mitt, and Ann reiterated that no more returns will be released to our prying eyes, why didn't you say you paid 45%?

Also, what are "taxes"? Are they taxes on your IRS returns, or sales taxes on dressage equipment?

SorosBot

At least he pays sales taxes on his hardware stuff!

FraAnima

And pay no attention to the fact that the adjusted gross is less than what Rafalca makes, it's all perfectly fair and (almost) legal.

Here's the thing. Someone has copies of those forms, but Harry Reid, or anybody else, is subject to a FELONY for releasing the contents publicly.

So, Reid probably has the goods, but he sadly can't prove it without being accused of a criminal act. Mitt knows this, and is trying to game Reid. And if the returns are leaked to the press, the Republicans will accuse the Obama administration of illegally accessing IRS records, and it would probably be worse PR for the Dems than Mitt.

It's a weird dance.

Geminisunmars

I think you might have something there.

1 – 2 cha cha cha

IncenseDebate

Show us the tax returns, Mittens. Sheesh, you'd think he was asked to prove he was really a 'merican or something.

If you add back the amount I pay in mortgage interest, I pay a metric fuckton more than 20%, I can fucking tell you!

paulabflat

you made me laugh.

glasspusher

Mitt Romney: "I am the 13 percent!"

SorosBot

13 percent is still way less than what normal people who actually work for a living pay, dickwad. Oh and money you donate to the Mormon Church does not count; especially since that money goes towards an organization that actively works to make the world a worse place.

1stNewtontheMoon

let he who has not considered black people part of a cursed inferior/devil race until the 1980s cast the first stone.

coolhandnuke

Mitt could have said "I'll ban religion, guns, alcohol and raise gas to 50 dollars a gallon and oh by the way Obama is still black"… and he'd still win in South Carolina.

Can this really be how it's going to go? Just like the last election? When the Republican party masturbated for practically two years in order to produce candidate McCain who promptly chose an Alaskan village's idiot as his running mate and thereby imploded his already weak campaign? Are they really on the verge, what with Ryan and Mitt's tax issue, of just straight fucking it up again? And yet they'll probably hang on to power in the congress. To paraphrase John Lovitz as Dukakis, "how are we losing to these guys?"

When I was a whiny teenager, I was trying to convince my mom to let me do something (stupid) and that I was "responsible enough" etc. I told her, "I'm 10 times as responsible as my friends!"

She merely said, "10 times 0 is still 0."

BigSkullF*ckingDog

And 13% of zero is…
*puts on glasses and pokes at calculator*
HEY!

HistoriCat

A big skull-fucking dog is a serious sight. A big skull-fucking dog wearing glasses is a being who demands – nay, requires – respect.

Naked_Bunny

Dogs and cats commenting together. Mass hysteria!

Geminisunmars

Dogs and cats – comingling!

smitallica

So basically, Mitt, you just admitted that you paid 13% on your millions in income that you earned at your job of not having a job, while I paid twice that on the fraction of that I earned by working 60-hour weeks?

And you thought that would make you look BETTER???

WhatTheHeck

He just gave the libruls their ammunition, only the .22 just bumped up to .45.

1stNewtontheMoon

Yeah, 13% on the first zero dollars of taxable income. After that, well, whatever.

anniegetyerfun

Ah, yes, a valid point.

widestanceromance

Trust, and I'll self-verify. Yeah, sure.

Rich man, eye of needle, camel, etc.

StealthMuslin

If the Mormon church gets to be a charity then so do NAMBLA, Stormfront and the Cato Institute.

PsycWench

Wait, they're three separate organizations?

NellCote71

Good catch.

barto

So he almost pays as much as a working stiff like me, when you add back in his tithing? And this will allay everyone's concerns…

RRoccoco

When we get the bill for his "consulting" fees, won't we be surprised! No, no we won't.

Typodong3

Ahhh.. ok. I feel much better now. Gotta wonder tho… 13%, plus the 10% you are supposed to tithe to your church.. why couldnt you say 23% and be done with it, instead of "well over" 20? Even when admitting something, you still HAVE to fudge. idiot.

MadBrahms

It's about time we had a candidate who is willing to stand up for the New Math.

So, if he is paying at least 13% in taxes, and another 7-10% in charrity (didn't know that counted as taxes, but OK), and is supposed to be tithing 10% to the church, it would appear that Romney just admitted his is screwing over his own church.

Chichikovovich

and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, the number goes well above 20 percent

"Now in fact, we don't have a team of accountants or anything like that, we're just ordinary folks like you." he continued "But we did ask a friend to punch some numbers into his calculator. Do you realize that *my contributions* amounted to over 57.8% of all the money spent smearing gay people and preventing them from marrying?"

savethispatient

If a married couple earns $46,000 in 2012, their effective tax rate will be 13.11%. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

orygoon

You too, huh? that's not far from where our returns hover, most years.

And we pay state income taxes and federal gasoline taxes and the SS withholding on my p/t job. (No sales tax in gooneyland.)

plinthic

"So you see, contributing to charity is just the same as paying taxes, because it's money down the toilet. "

Do you ever wonder why people hate you, Mittens?

ph7

The 1% vigorously nod their heads in approval, however. You don't get to the top by giving it all away!

Blunderthing

Romney looked up from sucking a dick,etc…oh well, you get the picture.

Oblios_Cap

Mitt the Twit, indeed. The Brits told us.

ph7

Mitt views human charity as a form of tax on his enormous wealth? He's an even bigger douchbag than I thought.

proudgrampa

So, do you realize how much this story parallels the story of Joseph Smith and the "golden plates?"

After Smith supposedly translated the plates into what would become the Mormon bible, he "returned" them to Moroni and they were never seen again.

Mitt is just using that lie as the basis of his own: maybe we'll find the tax returns buried in a hill near Palmyra, NY.

Steverino247

Inscribed on gold plates in the bathroom of the Alamo.

Nesnora

That article was fucking insane. Fuck you, WSJ. Seriously. This takes "nothing of the table" (that was the actual typo in the article too). What was his TAXABLE INCOME REPORTED for that 13%? Fucking cunts. Also— we take his word for this? Nope. He's a proven liar, this is ridiculous.

montreal_bruin

That is the key to his weasel words. He's deferred, tax-exempted and expatriated his taxable income down to near nothing, and paid "at least 13%" of that each year. The big embarrassment will be his taxable income.

Guppy

“and if you add in addition the amount that goes to charity, why the number gets well above 20 percent.”

He's a rich white guy so we are simply supposed to accede to his word. Now back to work.

ph7

Not like that lyin' Kenyan, who went back in a time machine and posted birth announcements in the Hawaiian newspapers on the week of his birth. Him, he's gotta show the papers. All the papers.

Tundra Grifter

Both Mr. and Mrs. (r)Money have repeatedly said they don't want to release anything other than two years' Federal income tax returns, because to do so will just give the Democrats "more ammunition."

That is just flat out saying "We have something to hide."

NellCote71

I loved seeing her head explode during the interview yesterday. Seriously, I thought she was going to have an aneurysm. Can we still say "aneurysm?"

rickmaci

I just love Shitt Romoney's attitude; "Move along folks, nothing to see here. Move along."

BlueStateLibel

Notices he just says, "I've paid 13%." That could be 13% of anything – property taxes, sales tax, etc.

pdiddycornchips

So RMoney has documents that no one else can see. Okay. He then translates these documents and now he intends to lead this faithful nation as god intended? Does this sound familiar? Not sure where but I'm sure I've heard a similar story.

PubOption

What is Mitt doing with his charitable contributions? It sounds like he is deducting them from his gross income, (Is that gross in the sense of obscene?), before tax, and then deducting them from the tax owing, as well. If I tried that I would be in jail, as would any accountant involved.

Mittens Howell, III

Thank you Mr Romney, that clears things up marvelously!

Um …

Follow-up question Mr Romney, was that 13% of the money you left in the U.S. or does that also include the money spread across all those other countries?

Follow-up question Mr Romney, when you say 10% donated to charity do you mean 'charity' as in Mormon fund to discriminate against Gay people?

Follow-up question Mr Romney, if that 10% did go to the Mormon church, was that 10% of your gross or net income (I know, aaawkwaaard!)?

Follow-up question Mr Romney, was Rafalca a one-off $77, 000 deduction or do you get $77, 000 each year for that?

Follow-up question Mr Romney, so did you take the amnesty in 2009 for your Swiss Bank account in order to avoid possible criminal prosecution?

Follow-up question Mr Romney, do you think your Dad was a pussy for releasing twelve years of tax returns when he ran for President?

He would have SO had his perfectly coiffed head on the block in the French Revolution. Knit on, Madam DeFarge…

Weenus299

HA!
Sen. Harry Reid just made a multimillionaire BRAG that he paid 13.6 percent in taxes!

Eve8Apples

This is that special millionaire/billionaire math where you channel most of your income and assets into trusts, LLCs, overseas accounts and shelters, and tax free investments. You then deduct everything allowed by the IRS. When the millionaire/billionaire math is complete, you realize you made $1.00 so you stick 13 pennies in an envelope and mail it to the IRS claiming you paid a 13% tax.

I could swear there's some sort of joke here about a famous Mormon who had documents that only he could read and how everyone really just had to take his word for it about what they said, but for the life of me, I can't think of one.

DahBoner

He's a Looker…

MinAgain

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's 13%, Mittens.

comrad_darkness

Bitches, the years I worked for myself I paid 45%+

BornInATrailer

I think a gazillionaire that is running for president, who refuses to release more than 1 (maybe eventually 2!) years of returns, but then goes back to check them to let you know it was "never less than 13% tax" perfectly captures the feeling behind the phrase "That's mighty white of you."

lochnessmonster

So he's trying to say he paid more than 13% after he deducted for "charitable contributions"??? What?

8bitrocket

I'n now tax accountant, but I believe "effective" tax rate means the amount of money you paid in tax AFTER all the deductions are taken, "charity" being one of those deductions. Adding those two numbers together doesn't equal anything useful except the conclusion that Romney doesn't even know what is in his tax returns (he just signed them, like those Bain docs), and that scares him more than the idea of not releasing them.

Christ, doesn’t he, or anyone around him, understand that the more he insists on the uprightness of his tax history while pissily withholding the evidence to support the claim, the more hilariously mendacious he looks? Who the hell is advising him? It's fucking amateur hour.

bikerlaureate

By keeping the rubes all a-froth over the taxes, there's less attention paid to Rmoney's pathological robo-lying.

Well that's a relief. I was afraid those returns might have something shady in them.

Naked_Bunny

Well, hell, if we get to add in non-tax payments when talking about our tax rates, then I want to include my rent and grocery bills. That puts my effective tax rate at, I dunno, 60% or something. No, you can't see my receipts.

NYNYNYjr

If you deduct the amount for charity… ha ha…. Romney Foundation for Children to Learn About Taking Care of Horses. Might as well do it at our stables. Manuel, show these kids what to do.

mosjef

He sounds like an ad for a strip mall tax joint. Bring your 1040 to H&R Blockhead, where you'll never pay less than 13%! Unless you're caught.

VinnieSaltine

"The fascination with the amount of taxes I paid, I find, to be very small-minded….but I did go back and look at my taxes."

Mitt Romney admitting that he is small-minded.

valmach

Broken .. is not the word i would use to describe disenfranchisement of 25 million African Americans.. 400 Years of Slavery and 150 years of Jim Crowe , fighting and dying for this country and this is how their loyalty is repaid.. ? Tell the African American and Latino Soldiers who are dying in Afghanistan that their parents cannot vote – because white America is too busy taking it away from them.. Sick Twisted Racism.. America is F… d!

dennis1943

Mitt did homework for us…….?……and then the dog ate it…..?

Troglodeity

What he didn't mention is that after all his deductions, his net annual income he paid 13% on averaged, oh, about sixty thousand bucks.

Prove me wrong, Mittbot!

ttommyunger

"I pay big money in taxes and by the way, I'm much Holier Than Thou in the fucking bargain, so suck on that, you people!