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Making truly brilliant pop music is fucking difficult and the results are as worthy as a sombre burble from The xx or a truculent yelp from The Cribs. All of which makes claims that a band is exploring an electropop direction, like it’s a jovial holiday from serious work, as chilling to the soul as the words ‘Piers Morgan’. ‘Christopher’ is a phenomenally uneventful album, with noodly synth bits and squelchy, meandering programmed drums beneath entirely forgettable, wafting vocals. I’d far rather listen to a Girls Aloud album. In fact, the same Girls Aloud song eleven times is still preferable to this offensively dull record.