Asparagus may keep you from getting a hangover

Next time you’re planning on getting hammered — and it being the holiday season, we imagine you’re planning to get hammered in about 15 minutes — you might want to eat some asparagus before you hit the bar. Scientists (i.e. the smart people who study stuff and learn things while you get wasted) at the Institute of Medical Science and Jeju National University in Korea have discovered that some of the amino acids in asparagus lower the toxicity of alcohol.

What does this mean? Like you can just have a few stalks of asparagus and go out and get obliterated and the next day you will feel fine? Don’t count on it. For one thing, the leaves are apparently a little more potent than the shoots, which are what we normally eat, and I have no idea where you get asparagus leaves, and I assume you don’t either. Needless to say if you go in search of them it is best to do so during a period of relative sobriety, which we have already established is going to last for about 12 more minutes, figuring in the time it took you to read the last two paragraphs.

That said, asparagus is kind of powerful stuff. It has anti-cancer properties and anti-fungal properties and weird pee-smell powers, so yeah, why shouldn’t it also be able to help your hangover? I recommend trying it with Hollandaise, because the protective effect of the asparagus amino acids, coupled with the moderation brought on by fear of vomiting up Hollandaise sauce, should be pretty decent hangover prevention.