Do Not Ask Me How I'm Doing

Please, don't ask me how I'm doing. Because if you do then I will have to tell you. This is an Uncomfortable January after all. And this weekend I gave myself homework. Whenever someone said "How are you?", I had to really answer.

Not just the usual "Great, thanks!". I had to reject any desire to mask myself and answer truthfully how I was dong at that moment.

Sheesh. It was harder than I thought it would be.

I had to tell people things I didn't want to.

"Oh, I have a headache. How are you?"

" Well, my son is having a tantrum so I have to go."

"I'm alright. Feeling a bit insecure today though for some reason."

Do you know how awkward it is to actually answer that question? It makes me really uncomfortable. Perhaps if I was sitting and a friend asked me over coffee then it is no biggie. Most people who ask it are just being polite. They said it in passing and expected no real response.

I found myself dreading being the person that made them slow down and listen to me. I didn't want to unload on an innocent question asker. But, it was my challenge so I did it.

I learned how much I want to control what people think of me. How much I want them to see me as having it put together or a pleasure to be around. I didn't want them to feel obligated to say something nice just because I told them my day was hard.

But, I think I need to trust people more. Trust that they really do care, and they really do want to make time for me.