Archive for the ‘Relationships’ category

So it’s been another decade since I posted up my thoughts. Since October it has just been crazy with some of my dearest friends getting married and that also back to back. Getting my clothes in order for their wedding has been another affair with my designer.

So just when I thought, I will have a laid back time, with a book, coffee and movies with friends – there comes along another stream of news of those who are getting fixed to run around the pyre for the next year.

Sometimes it just feels like people are ‘seriously’ in a hurry to get into the domesticity of life and they apparently seems to have a ‘this is the right time’ verbatim running across their lips every time this subject comes up!!

Considering now I am becoming the next target for a lot of eyes, wherever I go – it kinda makes me get into a burkha which has a “Do Not Touch Me” sign outside. Geesh!! It freaks me out when I see people eyeing me out of curiosity in weddings …you can so make out from their eye brows, the red New York Stock Exchange ticker that is running in their head – “is she hooked, or is she single”? “Which Caste would she belong to”? Blah Blah!!!

I would say that my experience to spot ‘hunter aunties’ in these social events has gone up. So now I am able to fend to my safety in the right nick of time. I have been successful in holding up on a guys hand right in the nick of time then turning around and give them my most broadest grin ever. The happiness just gleams from my face, when I see them giving their disappointed smile, blessing me for what I have.

I have noticed, these species apparently are not scarce and are definitely not close to extinction either. The hunter aunties have still not been able to scare me the way my friends do. I get emails with subject lines stating “You are so Next” with an accompanying body text that say “Your Days are numbered“. Lord have mercy!! Please don’t make this the last day that I live my life on!

The fact, is that its not freaky…but conversation sure turns out to be a script from Ramsay Brothers…I may have my reservations about the ‘time being right’, its also about the ‘right person for you’ that suits your personality.

So there I wish all you guys, a blessed beginning to 2010 and may all of you singles find those ‘hunter aunties’ everywhere you go!!

This is a very good article to those who are still single – may learn something from here…. I received this in my email and it surely was thought provoking. Those who are already married can surely enhance their thoughts and relationship through this.

Did I Marry The Right Person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?” I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.” Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling is love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And temporarily you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.. Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out.

That’s why we have the __expression “the labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…you can “make” love.

“Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling No one falls in love by choice, it is by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it is by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice”

I would deem it fit, to say that a selected percentage of some of our soul would be spiritual. Spiritual entitles ‘connectivity’. A connection of sorts to the divine or any other person. Some people feel connected to “The Almighty”, while some to their own Human Gods, while some to their spouses, parents, friends etc.

How do you know that you are connected to XYZ? How do you know that there is some connectivity between you and the divine or the mortals? My answer to that will be your “Feelings”.

Wouldn’t feelings necessitate into your thoughts and signals your brain into messages which read to you that you are connected? You feel connected. Connections are healthy, be it connected to your divine soul or spirituality. It brings about a lot of mental peace and well being. It makes you feel healthy. Now, these surely are positive connections.

A debate about Negative connections would open up an entirely new chapter on what happens when those positive connections with people over a period of time translate into becoming negative. You feel negative yourself. Every other thought that crosses your mind is negative. It’s negativity not only about your relationship but also about the other person.

The series of finding faults and blames starts. Not to mention with lot of people, even the God Almighty is not spared at being blamed for all the wrong things that would happen in ones life. Being it, getting stuck at a signal while you are getting late or not getting that relationship which you ever wanted. For some it maybe the complaint as to still why I am not feeling connected?

Some connections just cannot be explained in words. A connection, which a mother would have for her children. A connection that a wife would have for her husband. That spiritual connection that some of us would have experienced while visiting our selected places of worship or just by sitting at home alone or that unspoken connection with your friends.

Amongst the other things, connections would have a say in some of the decisions you would make about your life. The connections leading to feelings somewhere will help you conclude a lot about your relationships and life. Connections a lot more can make your life stronger and healthier but incorrect ones can bring you down. Reading those connections with people and the divine would be an imperative part of the process of understanding your own self and feelings along with your relationships.

It’s all around us. It’s on us to accept the connections we share with those we love or just deny it all together.

This post was inspired and triggered by Tell Me Wonders post – “Friends”. A post that makes me realize and believe that in our earnest excitement to always make that new relationship work, we tend to over step on the old ones not realizing and even remembering the moments that we may have had with the old and how they would have made us feel that time.

New relationships will always happen & new people will always come! Just because you have a significant other, or you are married, or you have just got that other special person in your life recently; it doesn’t give you the right to hurt, ignore those people in your life who were once upon a time around whom all your days, (especially the bad days) or your world revolved around.

And if that happens, then it is a very strong signal about -the real truth, honesty and more importantly the depth and the strength of your friendship- not to forget the narrow minded thinking of your friend.

Friends are meant to be “FOREVER” – Whether that significant other is also meant to be or not. It doesn’t and shouldn’t change the placing of your best friends in your life. Excuses about being busy and not having time are always there to help you to constantly live in denial to not being in touch with your friends – but can the INSIDE of YOU will always know the real truth! Can you live in denial with your conscience? How long will you continue to lie to your own self?

The basic perspective for me would be – if you couldn’t treat your best friends with whom you have been friends for donkeys years the way they should be, how on earth are really going to be able to justify/maintain/understand the value and importance of your relationship with your significant other? Isn’t the meaning of having that special someone also meaning that he/she is your best friend in everything?

If you were not able to treat your friends for what they were actually to you in accordance to the tall claims that you made of your friendship every now and then how are you going to treat your significant other? Some where down the line, the truth will always show!

Isn’t there a saying – what goes around will always come around; Or the saying which means that a person can be clearly identified and recognized for who he is based on how he treats those who serve on his table. That would be a waiter or a complete stranger; this is a “FRIEND”!

The base for any relationship is friendship. If you couldn’t place your deserving friends at an important place in your life {the place that they so rightly deserve} and bring on the new placements by erasing those who probably meant the world to you – then surely you are a person who is being rightly recognized for who you are. Your friends will see it and more than them it will be the inner you who will feel it when those people have been pushed away for good.

There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships, Yet the most effective involves the saying of just three words:

“I Miss You.”

Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other “I Miss You”.This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday just to say “I Miss You”.

“I Respect You.”

Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

“I’ll Be There.”

If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase “I’ll be there.” Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

“Maybe You’re Right.”

This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to “maybe your right” is the humility of admitting, “Maybe I’m wrong”. Let’s face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person’s point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying “maybe you’re right” can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

“Please Forgive Me.”

Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

“I Thank You.”

Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don’t take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

“Count On Me.”

Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship. It is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends.When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating you can “count on me.”

“Let Me Help.”

The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

“I Understand You.”

People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship This applies to any relationship.

“I Love You.”

Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person’s deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. “I Love You.”

I can already sense Reema smiling again after reading another one on relationships from me, considering I was titled the “Relationship Blogger” by her, so I how can I let her down. Another one for you Reemz.

I feel lucky. I just simply feel lucky. I have had friends this year, who have been through the worst in the their life. A major reason has been relationships and very serious ones just not working out for them. The reason that I feel lucky, is not because it didn’t happen to me, I am lucky because I have such amazing friends.

As I write this post, I am chatting with another friend of mine who just broke the news of divorcing her three year marriage just two months back. I find it really strange as I had lost touch with her ages back and today I am hearing this from her the first day that I get in touch back with her. I am doing everything to ensure that she has the hope in her life and thank the almighty about having disguised blessings as she did not have kids from a man who was having extra marital affair not once but for four times while they were married. This one is for all you guys who have probably thought that your life have ended just because one of your most loved and cherished relationships did not work the way, you would have hoped for it to.

However, just now look around and see – you have probably “grown”. You have grown stronger mentally. You have grown to realize and read your own emotions. You have walked over water and miles at that. You probably thought your life was completely dependent on someone else, hasn’t it made you realize that your life is not dependent on anyone except you.What does that say about you? Doesn’t it say that you are amazing. Doesn’t it say, that you have someone watching over you to ensure that nothing ends the world for you. Doesn’t it speak volumes about your strength and drive to move on?

Yes, you would need your family and friends to stand by you and support you in your times of distress; but there is only so much they can do. The rest has to be done by you. People will surely hear your pain but they cannot heal you. You have to do it by yourself. And when you do heal, ensure that you are indebted to these people for their entire life; as to heal as well you will need help. A physical wound on your body heals on itself only after someone has applied a bandage on it. They are some family and friends that will stand by you irrespective of anything. Tell them your most heartfelt thank you’s and be there when they may need you. That’s what makes friends and family so invaluable; just so indispensable.

You probably carry the strength that you can give zillions of people out there, you may just need your support. You probably also have the shoulders to carry and help those who maybe in times of distress as you were. You are a living inspiration to so many others around. Instead of looking at your life and relationship as a failure wouldn’t it be well invested in helping those you may need you. A feeling of being there for someone is the most fulfilling. It is the most satisfying. Yes, some of them that you may help may even forget you once they have moved on; however you were the one with the most honest intentions. You healed a heart. I hope I healed at least one, if not personally, then hopefully through this post!

Its 8:30am Sunday morning, and I am awake. This is something that is very unlikely with me. Though, I know that very soon I am going to jump back into bed and go to sleep, however it is still strange that I am up. My mind is working overtime, trying to fix up certain things that have not been so clear to me for the last couple of months. The fact that it has been going on for so long, I have now put my foot down and need to come to a clear cut conclusion about what I strictly need to follow once and for all and just stick by it. Glad! My holiday is just around the corner.

When in life there are some questions that you don’t have answers to and you probably find yourself running around in circles trying to get answers to those questions; it constitutes a lot of things. One, maybe the answers lie with someone else for which they need to give it to you to close everything out in your mind – hopefully honest answers and not something just made up. Two, maybe its better you just don’t have answers and its way too complicated for you anyway’s.

Somehow, my beliefs are more strong in point no one, even though I am well aware that sometimes it just wont happen that way. When you have a complete closure to certain things, you heal well. Not everyone is going to understand this aspect. Also, looking at a vice versa situation, if you are the one who needs to be giving honest answers to someone whom you know needs it – please fight all the devils coming in your way to go ahead and give them that to close the fight that they may be having with themselves.

The interesting part here would be to observe if that opposite person really understands you well, enough to give you that kind of comfort to come out and heal you even though they maybe fighting with themselves or can also be the ones to hurt you in the first place. Responsible people will come out and ensure all your questions are answered and you are feeling fine, people who love you unconditionally will also do the same – the rest who don’t; probably that’s the biggest silent answer you have right in front of your eyes. Have you really opened your eyes to that is another question?

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