Wednesday, 18 March 2009

It hasn't hurt the Anglicans to ignore the pope for the last four hundred years, but I'll take it a step further and point out that this one - like many of his predecessors - is a cockhead of the highest order.

Pope Benedict XVI, who arrived on Tuesday in Cameroon for his first trip to Africa as pontiff, denounced condom use on the AIDS-ravaged continent, saying there were better ways to combat the disease.

AIDS "is a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems", the 81-year-old pontiff told reporters on the flight from Rome.

Now, I'll allow for misquoting and shithouse English but does anyone doubt they really do believe this in some sick and twisted way. He's got form,

In June 2005, the pope told southern African bishops visiting the Vatican: "The traditional teaching of the Church has proven to be the only failsafe way to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS."

A muppet of the highest order. The chairman of the International Fictional Characters Commission is telling you that scientists have no idea what they're doing whilst simultaneously calling on us to have a chat to a beardo in a kaftan who is wafting around somewhere in the sky. Seriously, believe whatever you want but does anyone of any sanity really think that if there was actually a god of any variety that he wouldn't have ducked out of the clouds and given the Vatican an almighty omnipotent bitchslapping by now?

Swaziland has THE HIGHEST HIV PREVALENCE RATE IN WORLD. 1 in 3 adults is infected. DO NOT HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX. DO NOT USE INJECTING DRUGS.

And..

Swaziland is also predominantly Christian

Haven't they been favoured by the lord. Glory be to 39.6 years life expectancy. Makes me sick to think that somewhere these freaks have me down as a follower due to bollocks family traditions. Can you send a resignation letter directly to Pepe McPope?

Saturday, 7 March 2009

Whatever did we do before YouTube? How many fewer obscure music videos, 1980's wrestling interviews and clips of people smacking themselves in the plums would I have watched without it? 4,727 apparently if their stats are anything to go by.

In this time I've chosen several videos as 'favourites'. Take out the music videos (even the ones that do make my sweat) this is what we're left with.

Key Moment: 0.00 when the jauntiest slide whistle ever in played and Mrs. Jackson struts to the checkout to be confronted by a giant paper bag. And why do they spell 'hello' as 'hullo'?

Key Moment: Pam's supreme comic timing at 0.16. A surprise considering that her acting in the rest of the ad is dubious at best. Call me sick but I think she's kind of hot in this ad - in a sort of 80's permed way.

Key Moment: So many, so little time. 0.27 - "Max doughys in the gravel at Lidcombe staysh", 1.00 - "tell us about your best mate Kev", 1.47 - "What drugs.. don't Trent like", 2.14 - "mum works pretty hard.. a lot of cock for cash". Sure it's probably fake but I like to convince myself that it's not. If it's not then Trent and Kev deserve their own sitcom. If it is, the people who wrote the script for this do.

Make sure to visit the Trent online store and get your "I CLIMBED THE FENCE AT BASS HILL DRIVE IN" bumper sticker for the recession busting price of $9 US.

Key Moment: 1.56 - "Heartthrob! You got that Vegas Leglock! You don't need no dropkick. To be an escaped convict" Doesn't rhyme in the slightest but they get away with it. Here's to amateur tributes to early 80's wrestlers sort of to the tune of Wild Thing.

Key Moment: 0.00 - That theme song. I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's the sound of somebody hitting a radiator try and attract attention because they've just been kidnapped by somebody who is starting up a power drill. It's great at Wobbies World. Please note also at 0.12 that they forsee the Vermont South tram extension by a full 14 years.

Key Moment 0.50 - "Man with a box of killer bees. God knows what it all means. It's dizzy stuff. Joy Buttress" Completely incomprehensible if you weren't there. Good times.. GOOD TIMES.

Key Moment: 0.45 when the password box for Mike Tyson's Punch Out on the NES is corrupted. I almost didn't post this due to the fact that is SO VERY WRONG. But to my utmost shame it makes me laugh so it gets a run. If your bike has been stolen please contact your local police force.

Key Moment: 0.58 when the plucky Sri Lankan has his plums rattled for the second time in two - err - balls and hits the deck in agony.

A great man, taken before his time. No key moments, just get into it. Now with added Ann Wills.

Key Moment: 0.10 - the first appearance of the gigantic pencil.

Key Moment: 0.02 - PRC and a giant chicken in a rare instance where he didn't lose the plot and say fuck a lot.

And here's where he does. Key Moment: 0.09 - "G'day! I've been invited to something special. Get fucked.

Key Moment: 0.16 - "I'm payin' money!"

Key Moment: 0.11 - The giant frying pan being dragged onto the ground and Lou Richards uttering the immortal phrase "It's interchange salt and pepper!" Finishes with a nostalgic shot of the Waverley Park scoreboard which reveals that Fitzroy should won the egg cup but had to settle for a draw (and eventually oblivion) by shit kicking.

Key Moment: 0.13 - the payoff to the gag.

Key Moment: Everything from 1.21 onwards. Makes me want to throw things at the wall in celebration. Please the words of D. Commetti at 5.36 - "they're going long to the square and they're kicking goals". More of the same in '09 please.Sadly the Sydney Footy Tab ad from the 1980's where they admitted that betting on the footy used to be illegal has been removed. Thank god we still have a screenshot of their award winning logo;

Best slogan ever. How could that offend anyone? It was a mighty jingle.