Wednesday, November 25, 2009

God help me, I'm starting to fret. The holidays are beginning. Trying to clean up the house for Doris' children & grandchildren. That should mean my children & grandchildren. ahem. Yeah whatever.

The daughter & granddaughter are coming tomorrow to go with D to the Thanksgiving day Parade. They'll crash here after the parade during the day. Then, One grandson is going with us all to Burlington for the big family dinner & wonderful food, maybe 2 grandsons...

The daughter & granddaughter will drive back to Maryland that night after dinner & visiting, & one or 2 grandsons shall come back with us & crash here.

The loser son keeps calling from Detroit, trying to manipulate D into buying a bus ticket to come for the festivities. GOD HE PISSES ME OFF SO BAD. She loves him & wants him here. He's a fucking skeve. Everybody loves him & wants to see him but me.

I want to smash in his lying, con artist, user face with a sledge hammer over & over & watch his life expire. I'm so sweet. Hate him & I gotta act like I care. Gag me. He'll be lying all over the couch, using the phone looking thru all our stuff. He's a skeve, did I mention that?

If he doesn't come thur, he'll definately come for xmas. sigh. Really can't stand men in the house. BARF-O-RAMA.

And did I mention we don't have a guest room? So everybody sleeps in shifts in the living room on the 2 couches. Ugh, cooties.

I don't know why I'm such a bitch over all this every fucking year after year. I need to pray for help, love & peace. I always look forward to Thanksgiving & Xmas dinners until - I start to remember what it's really like...

Sunday, November 15, 2009

You know what? I'm pissed. (again.) I have this gay FA friend I love. He supposedly loves me too.

He posted a pic on fb of his left arm with his initials tatooed on his really big muscle. This is not a new tat. Everybody's seen it, it comes just below his tees & work shirt sleeves. So everyone's commenting on 'sexy' 'great guns' etc... I commented 'horney boy' because to my mind, why would he be posting this when we've seen it all over the neighborhood?

Well he gets totally offended. Sends me a cell text 'stop writing horney boy on my wall, I already deleted it once. It makes me look like a whore.'

OoooooKayyyy. Of all the crass shit I write & swear about on fb he gets ultra-sensitive about the word HORNEY??? Jesus Christ Almighty.I text back 'okay, nobody thinks youre a whore, everybody loves you. So sorry.'

Then he puts a post up on fb how he's having a hard time as a buddist dealing with his non-buddist friends' inappropriate coments on his wall.

Huh??? We have all written so much worse on ea others walls. So everybody responded in with 'oh yeah', 'right on', 'you go boy' not even knowing what was said or by whom.

I texted back on my cell how 'sorry I am, I feel bad, it was not my intention to upset him so much, I love him & send him joy & peace.' He hasnt responded back. But it appears he has now erased/deleted that whole previously mentioned posting.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Life is odd these days. Can't walk well, - left heel bone spur feels like teetering on glass shards with each step. The right heel bone spur isn't much better.Nice.Wonder if it'll ever change.Plantar fasciia seems to be better under each arch. BUT- the sharp burcitus ache in my right butt, down my right thigh is starting to throb again, guess I need another cortisone shot.

Therefore... I don't do much. Really can't.

I've become a blob. A BIG one. Over 200lbs. SHIT.I need help. I hate the way I look now, BUT on the other hand...

I'm just SO happy to not have to be flying. I do miss the crazy nutcases I work with, the fun we have 35,000 ft up getting thru the days & nights, the good psgrs, & hob-nobing with the moviestars & other famous glitterati!

Truth be told, I'm in no shape to do all that work anymore. Hell I can barely get the fuck out of bed... in the afternoon... (big chortle!)

How the hell am I going to evacuate a plane hobbeling thru a fuselodge trying to push paniced psgrs out of the way to throw open an emergency exit ?

Not to mention - I always would work so hard & run drinks/dinner so fast, zooming around back & forth like a batt outa hell! And I mean speed-demon FAST!

Do you know how long it takes me to limp & inch along just to get to the next room,or the JOHN?? seriously.

Sigh.

Doris was freaked in the beginning & thinking of trading me in on a new model. But now she sees it's not all in my mind so maybe she'll try to hang in there a while longer. (If she want's to keep breathing, HA!)

I never thought my body would rebel like this, I should have been more careful...I shouldn't have pushed myself to be such a high-time flyer at this age,pushing for that almighty over-time just to try and make the same paycheck that management took away from us after 9/11 in order to "avoid bankruptcy." Mother Fuckers.

So it would appear that the writing's on the wall girls & boys... Not sure how long or how soon. I love my Flight Attendants, we are truly a bazaar & crazy lot. So much FUN & laughter.

Those of you on FB have kept me in the loop the past 6 months & given me the Big Laughs & Love. So I am sending this to you 1st, you can start, I mean continue spreading the rumours to the rest of Club EWR...

And I'll let you guys be the 1st to know whether I can last 6 more months or only 2 or 3. or maybe 4.. I want to heal & get better. But I seriously doubt I'll be well enough to come back... Okay don't everybody start jumping up & down screaming immediately!!!

Monday, November 09, 2009

I got really pissed off this week when I saw Joel Osteen, who I've ALWAYS loved since the moment I discovered him on tV sunday mornings with his positive & loving, upbeat 30 minute sermons...

Whoppie asked him point blank what did he think about homosexuality, is he really all love to all people. He answered some stupidass damn thing about he loved everybody, that gay people are so much fun, but he feels that they are not living Jesus' Best.. that Jesus' best has so much more for them ... or some bullshit crap answer.

I felt so irrate that I immediately FORGOT how the hell he answered, but honey she got him- called him out point blank & asked the question WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT GAYS, HOW DO THEY FIT INTO YOUR BELIEFS ARE YOU REALLY ALL THAT??? And he had to answer "I am full of shit..."

No that's not what he said but it is what it IS.

I really had faith that he was not like all the rest of the 'Christian TV evangelists' I'd dug for years that had let me down considering Homosexuality a sin... Robert Schueller, Joyce Meyer, & let me not start with the Black ones I dig... all of them with the best, positive, upbeat 30 minute messages so you dont have to sit through hours of screaming church services... and now joel osteen too. I'm not capitalizing any of their names anymore.

I feel like emailing him 'HOW DARE HE, that HE's the one not living Jesus' best because he is clinging to this lie.'

What is WITH all these fucking-ass pastors?? I just don't get it. Seriously.

I can think of Many ways I don't 'live Jesus' best' - I'm lazy, I hoard, I overeat & am a food addict- among other addictions which I HAVE managed to conquere, I judge, I hate, I swear, I'm jealous & I covet... But loving & honoring my beautiful woman for 28 years is not "NOT living Jesus' best."

Sunday, November 01, 2009

I can't believe so much time has gone by since I last posted. I've been held hostage by facebook. My Flight Attendant friends (who are NOT privey to this blog, btw) joke about how I'm on fb every minute of the day. Well it's their fault cause they make me laugh so much & who wouldn't like that??? We're a crazy lot, & often only WE can understand our mania. I miss them, but not so much the work.

I also miss flying with the stars. Tried making a list of all I've met on fb in the notes section & erased the whole thing TWICE. Guess I'll start it with an actual pen & paper. How quaint. Gotta begin writing them all down before I forget who they were... which oh well, too late - I already have...

So here are bullet points to begin my review, not in any kind of order...

Still on sick leave for burcitus & hip pain , which is coming back as the cortisone shots are already wearing off. Also my feet are wrapped up for plantar fasciitis in arches & bone spurs in both heels. I'm hobbeling. It's all made worse from 50 lbs I've put on from not being able to exercise, & well basically eating anything I want.

It's shameful & I'm extremely embarassed when I pass a mirror & see my butt high-up on my back & feel my gut laying in my lap under my giant 38DD boobs when seated.. Good God WHAT have I done to myself. I should know better, & I'm so irresponsible for fucking myself up physically so royally. So ashamed.

D & I went to a funeral in Delaware of her good friend who finally succumed to Lou Gerrigs Disease. She was a prisoner in her body which had totally broken down - couldn't swallow, eat, talk, walk, type & drooled constantly. She was SO miserable. She was 61. She helped raise D's 3 children while they were partners for 6 yrs, decades ago.

I never cared for her much, actually couldn't stand things that she did which were often illegal & fucked up. I had worked hard on myself thru the years trying to be a better person & one thing I felt strongly about was 'do NOT hang around others that do fucked up shit...'.. I wont mention examples here there's no reason to now...

But she did eventually meet a great woman to make a good life with & who helped her get better, & she become excellent in many ways.

She/they adopted & fostered many children who LOVED her. They were all there at the funeral grieving her loss. Her forte' was nurturing each of them & obviously they adored her for it! She has done more with her life for that than I'll ever do with mine... Big lesson for Ms Judgemental Me.

I learned a lot from that & was finally able to respect her, no matter how I'd felt about her bs in the past. My lesson is that no matter what I think about people, they can still grow to do great things & be of wonderful service to others. Imagine that!

I have also learned this from D's pusshead brother who was not such a great prize in my estimation. Now he is helping many elders in the church & has become a good 'pillar of society', even tho' I totally observed him screwing his mother, father & sisters in the past. I enjoy being around him now, but I can't forget the pain he caused those I loved. Guess I'll have to get over it, as everyone else has & they are all just so happy to have him back in their lives.

Went out to a lesbian/gay party for halloween, was a Witch (obviously don't need Halloween for that!), D was Sherlock Holmes & carried a big magnifying glass. so adorable. Couldn't wait to get home & watch Monk at midnight. My God, I have become SUCH an OLD FART... Hope D stays around because there doesn't seem to be much I can to to even WANT to change... I'm tired from all the hard work from the past 41 years & feel a big need to just relax & do NOTHING.

Oh which brings me to the most important landmark... Started my 42nd year with my airline on Oct 24th. Wow. So glad I'm still alive, albeit limping along at the moment! I'm SO grateful for all the blessings God, Goddess, Universe has bestowed upon me thruout these long, often tedious, magical years! Thankyou Jesus!

About Me

My Circling Thoughts
An ever recovering compulsive escape addict from Reality & other harsh
Realms of Existance.
The Odyssey of a Spiritual Quest for Consciousness.
I invite you as I stumble thru my personal memoirs of awakening....such
as they are.
Such as I am...
Kathymae
Today.
RAMBLINGS OF A UNIVERSAL VAGABONDESS,
SKYGYPSY, SKYGODDESS, SKYDYKE, SKYSISTER, SKYBIDDY, SKYWENCH...
MINDPATHS OF A WANDERING WONDER WARRIOR...
AN AGING & DEFIANT SOLDIER OF MENOPAUSE
or
WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING NOW???..........
KMB524@aol.com