DD in trouble: called the dinner lady a....and now is in trouble.

I was mortified when the teacher told me this morning, it was her and another child. The dinner lady was very upset.

DD is 6 years old and although me and Dh are 'normal' weight' there are some overweight family members in the family and overweight friends so I do not understand where all this bullying came from since we don't mock people at all, never mind regarding their weight.

So the kids were made to apologise and lost some play time to think about it, but today after school I will ask DD to make a card to give to the lady tomorrow along with flowers. Is it over the top?

Hopenomore, if your dd is starting to worry about what others think of her, I wonder if someone has said personal things either to her or to others in her peer group within her hearing?

I was just beginning to think that myself when Elibean said it!

The fact that she was saying things in concert with another child makes me suspect an element of copying peer behaviour.

I'd also be slightly worried that the loss of self confidence may be a result of peer bullying; it may be worth following that up if possible. (Though it may equally well be a complete misconception on your dd's part)

Serious stuff needs solidarity between home and school, minor stuff should not come home.

Chances of getting a coherent story from a six year old who's afraid of getting in more trouble are small.

Chances of being told important things if you always side with the school/other adults very small.

It's a difficult balancing act. I've seen DCs get in huge trouble at school because parents were in denial and I have had a boy say to me (as a helper) "what's the point in behaving Mum has already taken all my nice things off me".

He needed her to get off his back and find things to praise him for, but I doubt he came from that sort of home

I think you should be teaching her that its not ok to comment on people's appearences. 'Nice tits' is no better than 'hey fatty' even if it is meant to be 'complementary'. It also takes the emphasis away from the lady's weight as you say your DD is getting sensitive about her own looks. The message should be: no one has the right comment on how you look so dont do it to others. Everyone is beautiful, people do not look the way they do to please you.

I think flowers and a card is way OTT. No, it's not nice to call someone fat and you've explained that to DD but if she's apologised and now understands why she shouldn't call people names then that's enough.

Can't believe some posters are saying its ok for children to call adults fat and that it's just factual .

Children at 6 are more than capable of understanding and being made to understand that it's rude and hurtful of they'll turn into the type of delightful teenagers that feel its acceptable to mock fat people in the street.

OP, think u've handled it well and I'm sure your DD has learnt a valuable lesson about respect.

i would have my child write a note apologising and i have done in the past. flowers are ott but a note is fine.

and i agree with clam i think parents need to back school up, when my ds2 had issues wuth behaviour we worked with the school and followed up with consequences at home ie no xbox or doing work at home if he hadnt got it done in class. the school were very appreciative of our efforts.

I want info,if my dc were being little buggars I'd want to know with bells on.

Rudeness sorry but I will come down on like a ton of bricks.I don't want my dc thinking it's just school who care about being rude,I also want them to know I will back school up 100% in something like this.

"What happens in school stays in school"I disagree. I think parents and school need to support each other in dealing with any issues and nipping anything untoward in the bud.What deters some children from confiding in their parents is more likely to be if they feel that they're not being heard, or that their parents might leap to conclusions before hearing the whole story. If we listen carefully, and take appropriate and fair action, then there's less likely to be an issue.

I'm guessing the dinner lady hasn't been there long?!? When I was a FAT dinner lady if someone made a comment, the stock answer was "That's a mean way to put it - I prefer cuddly thank you...." Kids say it like it is, and sometimes it is mean.... but upset by it? really?

I had a written apology once for a child throwing their food tray on the floor and saying "Go on then, you're paid to clean it up..." (straight to the head and they got to clean it up, help clean the hall after lunch for a week and write the apology) but "You're fat" ... hey ho....

Hopenomore, if your dd is starting to worry about what others think of her, I wonder if someone has said personal things either to her or to others in her peer group within her hearing?

As well as dealing with the incident in question (card and no flowers sounds lovely ), I would gently talk to her about how children can sometimes be a bit silly about teasing/noticing differences or things about each other - and see if she brings anything up that is bothering her.

Only because kids do act out what they experience, and she may have been doing that - sort of an unconscious way to bring something to an adult's attention, iyswim.

My ds was very rude to a teacher at that age. Completely out of character and I came down on him like a tonne of bricks. I asked him to write a letter of apology which he did in his own words. I then gave it to his class teacher. I don't know what she did with it

We haven't had anymore of that behaviour and he seemed to understand that he had been disrespectful and how that could have made the teacher feel.