Cloris Leachman was booted off of Dancing With The Stars. "I'm not leaving," she said. "I'm going to get a pretty costume and be here next week. I'm going to sit over there. I can't go home. Are you serious? This is a joke." [UPI]

Despite at first being told she was too old, Cloris might be Frau Blucher in Young Frankenstein on Broadway! Producer Mel Brooks originally told her she didn't have the "stamina" and said "We're afraid the show could kill [Leachman]. We don't want her to die onstage." [Page Six]

Dina Lohan on Dancing With The Stars? Just the kind of trainwreckery this country needs. [New York Mag]

Speaking of Lohans, Lindsay's former bodyguard has settled a lawsuit he filed against her. [TMZ]

This report claims that Lindsay has lost 14 pounds and is "thinner than ever." Really? She doesn't look the way she did when she was hanging with Nic Rich back in the day. [Boston.com]

By the by, Dina Lohan calls the reports of a Lindsay/America Ferrera feud on the set of Ugly Betty "just silly." She says: "America's a doll. And they said [Lindsay] brought a posse. It was my mother and myself, and [sister] Ali. It was not a posse. We had sushi and no one trashed the room." Dina does admit: "It was long hours and when you're on a movie set it's a lot different. She's not used to television, but it was fun." [People]

BREAKING: Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from show biz. He will be working on his music now. [Extra]

Here is a photograph of David Beckham ogling cheerleaders. (Again.) [The Sun]

Is Angelina Jolie "burning up with jealousy" over Brad Pitt's Inglourious Basterds costar, Diane Kruger? She did star with him in Troy. [Star]

Keanu Reeves and the paparazzo who's suing him took turns on the witness stand yesterday. Reeves told jurors he moved his car forward very slowly to try and get the photog to move out of the way, but never hit him; the photog testified the opposite, saying the car hit his knee. [AP]

Did Madonna and Guy Ritchie have a marriage contract? In which he promised not to shout at his wife and to devote time to sex? [Daily Mail]

When Angelina Jolie showed up at Monday night's Hollywood Film Festival Awards Gala — where she payed tribute to director Clint Eastwood — it was a total surprise. The A-list crowd reportedly "gasped audibly" when she was introduced. [People]

At Mary-Kate and Ashley's book signing, there were incredibly elaborate rules one had to abide by, or else! [Racked]

Here's a liveblog of the book signing. "The paparazzi are shouting 'Mary-Kate!' and 'Ashley!' and people are freaking out." [Racked]

Oh, and there were PETA protesters outside the book signing, with signs calling the twins "fur hags from hell." [Page Six]

Amy Poehler will not be replaced on the SNL "Weekend Update" segments; Seth Meyers will go it alone for a while. Because Amy cannot be replaced! [ET]

First we heard that Julianne Hough from Dancing With The Stars went to the hospital for unknown reasons. Then we heard it was her appendix. Now she reveals it was something more personal, but her managers wanted her to lie. "It turned out I ruptured a cyst that was on my ovary. My management and the other people around me were trying to think of something else I could say that was wrong with me, but I was like, don't worry. I want to be a good role model." [TMZ]

Julianne says: "I didn’t know but I have endometriosis. I’ve apparently had it for a long time because I’ve had this pain for about the last five years. I’m just glad I’m taking care of it now because I want to have babies some day." [People]

Daniel Craig jokes that if the economy's bad, glamorous locations could be dropped from Bond films. "There are plenty of places we could shoot in the British Isles," he says. "If the credit crunch hits the movie business, who knows? Bond in the Lake District, Liverpool… or Birmingham." [Telegraph]

The case against William Balfour, the primary suspect in the murder of Jennifer Hudson's family, is building quickly. His alibi is falling apart and he was seen carrying a bottle of liquor Friday. [TMZ]

William Balfour is a felon; he was busted in June for a "rock of cocaine" and served time for a 1999 attempted murder and vehicular hijacking conviction. [AP]

Jennifer Hudson and her mom were "very close, very tight." Jennifer's mom hosted a block party for the whole neighborhood a few months ago. Jennifer wanted her to move, but, a neighbor says: "She didn't need a bigger house. She didn't need anyone to buy her a new car. She didn't desire or want those things. She was just supportive and stood by her daughter." [People]

Jennifer Hudson's sister Julia writes on her MySpace: Thank you for your prayers, thank you for posting his picture on your pages as your default picture, thank you… But his lil soul is at ease, I take comfort in knowing that Julian is with my mother and my brother and most of all The Lord and now he's my angel he's protecting me…" [Perez Hilton]

Rosie O'Donnell on Jennifer Hudson's awful ordeal: "The family tragedy of Jennifer Hudson — no words will do — a grief too hard to comprehend. Guns and domestic violence are a lethal combination — injuring and killing women every day in the United States. A gun is the weapon most commonly used in domestic homicides. In fact, more than three times as many women are murdered by guns used by their husbands or intimate acquaintances than are killed by strangers' guns, knives or other weapons combined. Contrary to many public perceptions, many women who are murdered are killed not by strangers but by men they know." [UPI]

Coldplay dedicated a song to Jennifer Hudson at a concert in NJ on Monday night. [Perez Hilton]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck gets more death threats than anyone else on The View, says Whoopi Goldberg. Well, no one wants to see anything happen to Joy! [Page Six]

Poor Paris Hilton. She used to get paid to show up at clubs, sometimes $100,000 "appearance fee." The recession has dropped the sum she can get to $40K or less. Tragic! [Daily Mail]

An Austrian woman allegedly sent more than 100 letters to CSI: Miami star David Caruso, stalked him, asked him for an autograph, and then sent death threats when he refused to give her one. Authorities are looking for her; they've got an international arrest warrant, and officials said she could be hiding in Mexico. Very Special Episode? [Yahoo News]

Lauryn Hill was spotted taking her kids to see Martha Stewart at a Williams Sonoma store in New Jersey. [Perez Hilton]

This article states, "A Canadian mathematics professor says he's used his science to solve mysteries about how the Beatles created two unique musical sounds." Someone has a lot of time on his hands! [UPI]

Headline of the day: "AC/DC blamed for dark economic times in Britain." [News.com.au]

On the heels of 90210, next comes Melrose Place. Would Heather Locklear come back? [LA Times]

"The thing that gets me the most about this country is that it’s called a “free country” but everyone is a slave to their car. From my place I can walk to my loft, but nobody walks here, everyone has a car. If I walked down there in the evening, I’d be stopped three or four times by someone who thinks I’m a prostitute, inviting me to get in their car. This is why I left the States when I was 22. I saw that I was going to be trapped into buying a car so I could get to work so I could pay for my car, and I thought, that’s not for me. " — Chrissie Hynde. [BlackBook]

"I didn't come across too well either in the majority of reviews and even with the audiences — people did not respond to it. It was a film that was made to be seen by many people. Not many people saw it and they weren't particularly fond of it, and that was shitty, it was really shitty." — Colin Farrell, on Alexander. [Reuters]

"Bernie and I were pals. We've known each other for a long time and we had a great relationship… If you had to pick a perfect way to be remembered for an artist, especially a guy like Bernie — the joy that this film has in it, and the kind of love and adoration that people had for him, and the kind of joy he brought people is evident in this film. [The audience] will discover that he can do things that they didn't know he could do, like sing, dance and carry this dramatic arc. I'm always finishing films and looking forward to seeing them, and I know Bernie didn't see this movie. It's kind of like 'wow.' " — Samuel L. Jackson, on Soul Men, Bernie Mac's last film. CNN]

"I watched kids of differing physical abilities and different backgrounds from around the world lose themselves in imagination and make believe. And I was moved to tears. All I can tell you is that I cried like a baby. I couldn't stop crying." — Mike Myers, on performing at Rusk Institute in The Bronx with Only Make Believe, a theater charity group that puts on plays for young children in hospitals and care facilities. [People]

"I like to wear formfitting things because I work very hard to keep my gorgeous figure. I’m very happy to show it off and I honestly go to the women’s department often because I know I’ll find very interesting patterns and formfitting clothes. It’s an old rock ’n’ roll trick for guys to shop in the girl’s section. I’ve recently gotten some great things at Miss Sixty, Betsey Johnson and G-Star. In the women’s department, I go for size large and in men’s, I go for small." — Perry Farrell. [BlackBook]

"For Halloween, I'm going to look like a normal girl, put some bronzer on, some spray tan on and wear some jeans. People will ask me where my costume is! I would never do this in normal life, that's why I'll do it at Halloween. It's a bit funny and people think I'm not wearing a costume but I really am." — Dita Von Teese. [ONTD]

"How do you nurture a positive attitude when all the statistics say you’re a dead man? You go to work." — Patrick Swayze. [NY Times]

"I feel like I’m a pretty normal 22-year-old. An actor friend told me the best way to deal with attention is to exist in the 3 feet around you when you’re out with friends — you can’t be worried about people watching you." — Lauren Conrad [Cosmopolitan]