Steve Ollett
8:39 am | February 16, 2004
Thanks for all of your comments, it is good to see both good and bad constructive criticism. Perhaps if I had explained the settings more clearly beforehand then people may have understood what I was trying to convey.

I have just finished the next chapter of my Marooned series, so hopefully it will be more of what your guys are already used to!

Nick Kang
5:39 am | February 16, 2004
Well once you put it into perspective for me...I guess it carries a deep connection with the Human-Covenant war.

MadJackal
4:45 am | February 16, 2004
I found the way the story ended to be very effective. This story was short and sweet and still managed to have a kind of drama. I thought it was very good. You are right about the fact that one has to look deeper into a story when you read it. Effective stories sometimes have hidden meanings and messages burried within. I liked this one, and regardless of what others might say, keep it up.

Sorry. I thought that I would try a short story, and yeah it was a bit abrupt and a bit rushed. If you have read my Marooned series (that will continue I promise) it does refer to a colony ship that disappears. I think I might open this story up again later to tell it from a different point of view.

The colony ship, the [i]Mayflower 2[/i] falls into slipspace accidentally and is intercepted by the Covies.

What I wanted to convey was from the perspective of a religious person supposedly fleeing from 'God's' judgement on mankind, but still receiving and adverse judgement (i.e. death) and going to show that we cannot escape certain things in life - Maybe a weird twist on the Covenant quote of "our destruction is the will of the God(s), and we are their instrument".

Also the idea of being woken up from Cryo-sleep being a metaphor for being asleep in death, and being revived or awaken, to receive this judgement (death).

Maybe most people won't get the deeper meaning behind the story in their first read, so maybe this helped to explain it a bit clearer.

MC's Cousin
1:50 am | February 15, 2004
W...wha....ahhhh.....what wa....WHAT WAS THAT? It wa like my best friends saying when somthing sucks or ends to quickly "And they drew their weapons and they all died." Pointless.

Signing Off

MCC

ME
1:30 am | February 15, 2004
im just guessing but when i read this this is what popped into my head.... this story take place at approx. 2150 or so when cry sleep was first invented.a church has bought ships equipped with cryo sleep and sent humans away to start a fresh religious colony. when they get there its inhabited by unknown aliens which later humasnwould come to know as covenant. ORthe trip takes a few hundred years and when they arrive at there destination the human-coventant war is already underway.

just my thought

Nick Kang
9:15 pm | February 14, 2004
Yeah that was really pointless. Although that would be a good start for a series, but if you're gonna make it a series then make that obvious in the title and not write 'THE END' at the end.

Agent Shade
6:11 pm | February 14, 2004
hey, good to see that you're still writing...what's happening with Marooned?

this was...a little odd. your writing hasn't flawed at all and you remain the detailed descriptor, but...what was the point of this? a guy wakes up, and suddenly dies.

i'm sure there's a more in depth plot to this, and i'm just not seeing it. it is kinda early over here. good to see you back steve