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“I always internalized things when I was younger growing up, and I think that if I knew the true meaning behind the writer’s songs, of every song, I may be let down by a few ideas that I had in my head.” -Brandon Flowers

I’m a pretty paranoid person. If something seems off, about a thousand ugly ideas fly through my head pertaining to it’s cause. Take yesterday, for example. There’s this guy. I was under the impression that we are in ‘mutual liking’ or whatever you want to call it. We’d been texting a lot, but all of a sudden we stopped. Now, I’m the kind of person who hates being the instigator of a conversation, especially when it’s over text. Call me old fashioned, but that’s where I like to let the guy do the work. But I missed talking to him, so I pushed through my insecurities and sent him a “hey.” I know he read it, but he didn’t respond.

Here’s where the annoying little voices in my head come in. No, I’m not schizophrenic, mind you, just a stereotypical teenage girl. And you are about to witness the whirlwind of paranoia my brain takes a ride on every time something like this happens.

Stage 1: That’s it, I’m an ugly fuck, aren’t I?

1. He only was talking to me to be nice, wasn’t he?
2. He actually thinks I’m uglier than a smushed raccoon on the side of the road.
3. The last time I saw him he went home and laughed with his friends about how stupid I was for thinking he was into me.4. It probably wasn’t even him on the phone. It was probably one of his stupid as friends doing it as a prank.

Stage 2: Damn it, he got back with his ex, didn’t he?

1. It’s her, isn’t it?
2. He never even liked me. He was just using me to make her jealous.
3. She’s probably a murderer who’s luring him in to kill him.
4. Oh, my god, she’s probably coming for me next.
5. Shit, shit, shit, I don’t have any weapons to protect myself!
6. SHE’S PROBABLY ON HER WAY TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW WITH A MACHETE

Stage 3: I don’t need him, I’m a sexy motherfucker

1. Screw that dick, I’m too good for him anyways
2. I could have any guy I wanted
3. I could have freaking Steve Carell
4. Steve Carell would answer my text messages
5. Steve Carell would wait by the phone for my call
6. That’s it, I’m calling Steve
7. Damn it, why isn’t his personal number listed on the internet
8. STEVE, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING