Buddy Holly To Reform

Legendary rocker Buddy Holly is to reform thanks to recent medical developments. Holly, who was killed in an air crash in 1959, has been transferred to 'Dr Frank's Stitch-Em-Up-Quick' hospital in New York where he will be pieced together using parts from other deceased rock stars, including Jim Morrisson, Elvis Presley and - perhaps surprisingly - Janis Joplin.

The actual technique involved is a closely-guarded secret, but is thought to involve the use of a revolutionary new skin-grafting procedure, a bicycle inflator and a roll of Sellotape. It is thought that Holly's arms will be replaced with those of either Jimi Hendrix or Ludwig Van Beethoven; at one point it was suggested using both, but according to Holly's agent, 172-year-old Jivin' Jake Arthritis, "we'd have to redo the covers of Buddy's old albums. He appears on those covers with only two arms, and I'm not sure the public is ready to welcome a four-armed guitarist".

If the operation proves successful, a comeback tour is thought "highly likely", according to Jake: "Can you imagine the excitement? Old Buddy playing again? Of course, since he couldn't in fact play originally, we'd have to teach him a few chords, but if Hendrix's arms are still in good shape then that shouldn't be a problem".

The only controversial aspect of the project would be the use of parts of Janis Joplin: "Janis had a - shall we say - 'broader chest' than Buddy, which could be problematic, but we can get round this by inserting six-feet-wide coat hangers into Buddy's jacket shoulders. That way, I'm sure nobody would notice the, er, 'differences'".