All About Adoption

Although we have an area in our Coffee House dedicated to adoptive parents, we realise that many parents might simply be seeking some basic information - such as contact details for the main adoption organisations, some basic considerations you'll need to make and information about support groups that can help with adoption.

It's also worth dipping in to the Adoptive Mummies club in our Coffee House - you'll find lots of friendly ears and can ask other adoptive parents about their experiences.

Where to begin?

Perhaps you've decided already you definitely want to adopt; or maybe you're just in the early stages of considering adoption. You've probably done some research online but if not, there are several reputable organisations whose websites you may like to take a look at:

First4Adoption is a free, dedicated information service for anyone interested in adopting a child that is run by charities Coram, Adoption UK and Coram Childrens Legal Centre and is funded & supported by the Department For Education.You can visit their website or call them on 0300 222 0022. The information line is staffed by trained advisors so it is a really useful way for people interested in adopting to get the information they need.

It's important to research adoption via reputable resources, particularly if you are considering adopting abroad.

The basics of adoption

At the risk of stating the obvious it's worth remembering, amid all the emotional thought processes you are probably going through, some basic fundamentals about adoption. Adoption is a legal procedure - once it has been granted it can't be reversed except in extremely unusual circumstances. When you adopt a child all parental responsibility is transferred to the adoptive parents. Unlike fostering, adoption is a permanent arrangement.

There are certain criteria adoptive parents must fulfill too, but do remember that things you might think count against you (your age or marital status, for example) are not factors taken into account by the adoption process. In terms of age, you must be over 21 but there is no upper age limit so don't think you'll be excluded if you are over 40 - remember that each prospective adoptive parent is considered on a case-by-case basis. Agencies are looking for adopters who have the physical and mental energy to care for a child.

Police checks will be carried out but only certain offences - such as those against children - will definitely exclude certain people from adoption. A minor driving offence, for example, should not rule you out.

All prospective adoptive parents must have a medical examination and any health issues a parent has suffered from or currently has will be looked into carefully.

People of any race or religion can adopt but in most cases an appropriate ethnic match will be found so that a child can grow up within a family unit that reflects their personal identity and helps them to feel part of their immediate community.

There is a commonly held misconception that disabled people are excluded from adoption - this is not the case at all; again, a prospective parents is considered on a case-by-case basis and in some circumstances an experience of disability will be actively welcomed. Equally, single people or one partner in an unmarried couple - heterosexual, lesbian or gay - can also adopt.

How to apply

When you apply for adoption you can choose to go through a voluntary agency or the adoption service provided by your local authority. It's perfectly fine to make enquiries with different agencies but you can only apply to one.

Your application will need to include your ages, ethnic origin, occupations, religious views, length of marriage, plus details of any other children you may have. You should give the agency a clear idea of the type of child you would like to adopt (for an example, a baby or older child) so they know which children might match you as a family. Adoption agencies are more likely to consider you as an adoptive parent if you are prepared to accept a broader range of children.

How long does the process take?

Once your application has been approved, the waiting process begins. Finding a child that's right for you can take time so it's important to be patient and keep in touch with the adoption agency for updates. As soon as the agency has found a child, they will organise a meeting with you so you can find out more about him/her. Once all parties have agreed on a suitable match, they will begin the process of organising care to be transferred to you.

Usually the child will start living with you for a number of weeks (sometimes months - especially in the case of children from overseas) before an adoption order is legally approved. As soon as the adoption order is granted, the child legally becomes your responsibility and the legal rights of the birth family will end.

If you are a step-parent, relative or foster carer, the adoption process might be quicker and you may be able to avoid going through an agency. Check the adoption sites listed above for further information or speak to other parents who have adopted in our non-biological families forums.

Contact with birth parents

Indirect contact, commonly known as 'letterbox contact', allows birth parents to make contact with their child through letters, photos or presents. This arrangement is set up by either the adoption agency or local authority, who will be responsible for forwarding mail on to the child's new address. This is a confidential arrangement but letters and items are always checked by the agency or local authority before being sent on to make sure content is appropriate and no address is contained within the correspondence.

Other contact arrangements may include face-to-face meetings once a year or more frequently. This is known as direct contact, and may include a meeting, alongside the adopted parent/s in a neutral area such as a park or restaurant.

In the case of contact with siblings, a child will usually have direct contact with their siblings once or twice a year.

Once an adopted child reaches the age of 18 they are allowed by law to obtain their original birth certificate and adoption records and begin to trace their birth parent/s if they want to. Birth parents are also allowed to trace their children once they reach 18 via an intermediary service.

Further reading

Adoption.net - new free community and social networking site made specifically for people who are looking for information and support on adoption.

After Adoption - a charity that supports everyone affected by adoption

There are some great books available that will give you a realistic insight into adoption and whether or not it is right for you. Here are a couple of our favourites:

An Adoption Diary - a true story of adoption following a couple's journey to adopt a two year old child. A very readable account that spans four years and details what it's REALLY like to go through the adoption process

Flying Solo - a heartwarming, humorous account of a single woman's experience of adoption. Complete with practical advice and top tips, this is a must-read for anyone considering adoption on their own.