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Saturday, June 4, 2011

ALL I DO IS WIN...UNLIKE YOU

Suppppp!!!! You know what's MY favorite thing in the world? Going to the grocery store to buy delicious food and whatnot and instead having to stare at an obesely pregnant Miriah Carey without any clothes on. Yeah. Needless to say I'm not very happy with Acme right now. I now know how the MY EYES!!! guy on Spongebob feels like.

Anyways, welcome to "Grif! Incoming!" April. Not exactly a hilarious quote, but nevertheless a memorable one. You know like "I hate babies" or "I like me" or my favorite "you team killing fucktard!" or you know "protect me cone!"

Well now that I'm done being a computer nerd, which is so never going to happen, let's go on to talk about the upcoming holiday....EASTERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! Now we all know what this holiday is ALL about, dying eggs, getting candy and slaughtering your family members when they think they can find eggs faster than you. OBVIOUSLY. Really though, I'm not gonna push any religious crap on you because let's face it, is Easter REALLY a religious holiday anymore? When you think of Easter is the first thing that comes to your mind Jesus? Or is it EGGS? Or CANDY? Personally what I think of is a non-hollow, Jesus shaped chocolate with bunny ears and a basket full of eggs with a choir of angels going "auuuuuuuhhhhhhh" cause that's EXACTLY what angels sound like.

I would now like to take some time to talk about someone that I haven't talked about ever on here yet. So I'm gonna take a moment or an hour (totally the same thing) to tell you about a little someone called Vengeance. See me and her met quite some times back in say oh sixth grade. How did you meet you say? WELL do I have a story for you.

So I'm sitting in my tortuous catholic school math class, learning YET AGAIN that 2 +3 = 5 and NOT 6 (who knew?!) when this pretty chill girl sitting next to me looks a little sick. And by a little sick I mean she threw up on the desk/floor about a minute later. Luckily no one noticed? Which was kinda bad. So said girl proceeds to run to the bathroom. The rest of the class feels kinda awkward. But by chance of luck the bell rings signaling that it was time for the greatest class of all: SNACK TIME. So whilst everyone runs to get soft pretzels and other food items, I take a quick walk down to go check on that girl. No, I didn't know her and no I didn't have to care but some things just compel you, you know?

So I enter the bathroom to find that girl. Crying. And apologizing and mumbling some other things about kids that I couldn't quite make out. But that's not the point. The point is that I told this girl to calm down and that everything was going to be alright and that she needed to stop worrying about what everyone was going to think of her. We might have hugged. So we become friends and eventually we realize that we're both pretty awesome. And then we start hanging out. And then I introduce her, formally, to this little band called Avenged Sevenfold. And so the story begins.

Me and V have been pretty close since then, practically sisters. She's the glitter to my Ke$ha. We've been to 2 concerts (both were amazing) and we've been through just about everything else. She's pretty damn awesome and I love her and I feel kinda bad for not having posted this earlier. So Vengeance, you are loved and shall receive a song as well. Eventually.

Anyways so V is in this super awesome play called PHANTOM OF THE OPERA and I'm like oh my god CAKE but then I found out that this play has absolutely nothing to do with cake and I got really depressed. BUT I then found out that it has to do with a boy who was raised by telepathic rats and all is well again. So tomorrow me, Whippersnapper and Popcorn are headed over to laugh the entire time and eat some soft pretzels because PRETZELS ARE AMAZING kinda like cake, except not there yet. You know what's awesome BUNNIES! Bunnies are so awesome and cute and amazing. I used to have bunnies...but then they died of cancer....yeah. BUT I'm not gonna let that get me down because they lived long bunny lives filled with carrots and grass and water. And cake. Lol jk I didn't really feed my bunnies cake, although I should've at least once because I think everybody deserves to enjoy cake. EXCEPT FOR DOLLS...and maybe Satan.

I like trying to be artistic. It never works. But it's fun to try. Like today I was like I'M GOING TO DRAW SUPER AWESOME DESIGNS ON MY NAILS but then the super awesome designs ended up being a disfigured stick person and a bunch of lines and dots. I was rather disappointed.

Sometimes I just like to play any Soinic game just to hear Dr Eggman go "ush!" it's very entertaining. You know what else is cute? CHAOS. And no I don't mean chaos like that terrible thing that seems to happen when empires fall apart. I mean the super cute teardrop head shaped things that you get to take care of and love forever in Sonic games!!!!!!!! Or you can be a terrible parent and always push your Chao into the water before it can swim so that it cries and hates you forever until you bring it more food /powerups/animals.

My brother and I like to have Face Offs in which we just walk by each other and see who can make the ugliest face. It's really attractive. You should try it. As short as this post is, it was important and I needed to make it. So suck it up and go read some past posts if you fee like smiling. Have you ever looked a picture of yourself when you were really young and just went "man I was ugly!" No? Yeah me either. I just look at old pictures and go "why can't I be that gorgeous now?!"

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About Me

I am Jess. I am 19. I am awkward. That is pretty much all you need to know. I am also funny. That is also important. I also normally use contractions most of the time, usually when they combine to make words that are not words.