I came across this forum having rediscovered Eckhart after a decade and more had passed since reading the “Power of Now”
I started my search in my teens studying psychology and philosophy, and eventually going on to Ram Dass and many other teachers of the 60s, dallying with Rumi and Kabir en route, though with little understanding at the time.

I had some sort of epiphany/awakening after the sad death of one of my grandchildren in a drowning accident at the age of five, in supporting my daughter in her extreme grief, my heart seemed to break open and strangely, (to me) in the very kernel of the grief, there was a state of bliss or ecstasy, impossible to describe really.
The following couple of years I was in an altered state, feeling love for everyone and everything, and had the urge to hug everybody, which can be disturbing to others I guess, though I never felt any negativity.
My daughter also experienced something similar though it was much shorter lived than mine.

After a couple of years I lost this deep connection with love and turned my back on the spiritual journey, apart from a brief dalliance with Eckhart when his book “The Power of Now” was published.in the late ‘90s
Having shuffled past my allotted three score and ten and on extra time, I have come back to the path by way of Eckhart again after a recent relationship breakup, and over the past month have been reading books by Rupert Spira who I find very clear and inspiring.

I think I have finally got the message to look inward, and what a state of disrepair I behold there.so I will see what support and inspiration I can glean from you fellow travellers.
In fact I have already been guided to a book “A Guide to Awareness and Tranquillity” by William Samuel, which was recommended in a thread I read earlier today, by SandyJoy who I would like to thank for that. I downloaded it this afternoon and am finding it an absorbing read, with lots of reminders of what I have lost or forgotten on my path.

“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

"Miss Kelly, perhaps you'd like this flower. I seem to have misplaced my buttonhole ... Miss Kelly, you know, when you wear my flower you make it look beautiful." Elwood P. Dowd
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Merlin41, I was very touched by your post. "What comes from the heart, goes to the heart."-Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Thank you for sharing.

Welcome to the forum. I hope that you find inspiration, support & guidance here.

I am so happy that you have already found the books that SandyJoy recommends. They are a wonderful resource. SandyJoy's own writing and contributions are wonderful! If you do a search of her posts, you will find much wisdom & inspiration.

Spira's two-volume "Presence" is excellent, but a dense read. However, you will love it. And you have plenty of time!

Hope you enjoy ytour stay here. The experience of a kernel of bliss within grief sounds very authentic to me. Can you tell us more about how you evolved (or would that be "devolved") from the "deep connection with love?" I think that the staggering simplicity and intimacy of a kensho does fade, and can validate your experience, by the way. Spira does say that it can take decades to unpack our conditioning...

Andy

A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce

Yes I completely agree that the "Presence" books are a dense read, I have finished the first one but will need to read it again. I have watched and enjoyed a lot of his videos on YouTube, and am tempted to go on one of his retreats, but they are a tad expensive.
He actually lives close to me only 40 or so miles away, but I feel in my heart that eventually you have to continue the final part of the journey alone without books and teachers.

Your remarks about it taking decades unpacking your conditioning I am beginning to realize, but where I am at the moment and over the past few months is a pretty good place to be, I tend to be in various states of bliss most of the time, but slip back into thoughts and lose it at times, especially in the early hours.
I have been practicing "Mindfulness" for a while, its the latest therapy for depression in the UK, and I find it a useful way to get back into the now quickly.

My fall from grace so to speak, was gradual and due to my psychological/physical needs for affection, which drew me repeatedly into unhealthy relationships with women, and subsequently diverted me off the path and away from "true love".

I have had many career changes during my life and the last ten years before I semi-retired was as a Psychotherapist, which brought me into a world full of suffering. My clients were mainly women in abusive relationships with men, and eventually led me into a distorted vision of a world where men abused women most of the time. (which if you believe the media may not be too far from the truth) I eventually experienced a burn-out and retired and live with one of my daughters who ironically is a psychiatric nurse, hence the "Mindfulness" lessons.

I do feel I have resolved the relationship issues now and see them all in a very different light, so on with more unpacking I guess.

Terry

“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

There is nothing romantic about not seeing your own ship sinking. That would be just like the captain falling asleep at the wheel.

Beware of people who help you make your bed. They are sleeping too, and want company.

"a state of disrepair I behold" ... this is your imagination talking.

When you are present you make no judgements. Use that knowledge to guide you into the open light.

You have done it once before, you can do it again and make it permanent this time. This is exactly how Buddha got enlightened; sitting under the Bodhi Tree he remembered a state of bliss that he experienced when he was young and pushed himself back into that experience. And he found enlightenment.

Do the same and do it now.

Forget all this sleepiness and these tomes. Forget about making your bed, you won't need it.

You have read enough.

Do not go gentle.

I was proud, and I demanded the finest teacher
.. .. and when he appeared
.. .. .. .. I was so small

Thank you rideforever for your comments, my heart confirms you are right in much of what you say, but my mind immediately thinks (metaphorically) read a book on how to find the nearest Bodhi tree to sit under and face your demons.

The main problem I have is where I am has become sublime and I feel my path is unfolding as it should, this I also feel in my heart is true. Is this yet another illusion my mind has created or is this my true path one of the many?
I accept your suggestion which I guess basically means die into the flame NOW, which also makes sense but my heart (or is it my mind again) doesn't feel ready, which is possibly/probably fear, as I know there is only NOW.

When you are present you make no judgements. Use that knowledge to guide you into the open light.

This is a very valuable reminder and I will take that into account from now.

You have done it once before, you can do it again and make it permanent this time. This is exactly how Buddha got enlightened; sitting under the Bodhi Tree he remembered a state of bliss that he experienced when he was young and pushed himself back into that experience. And he found enlightenment.

Again sound advice my heart does really open to this and in a way I feel I am progressing (mind again)?, to re-experiencing this blissful state.

Thank you for your support.

Terry

“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

Dear Merlin41--What a lovely mention of William Samuel and me! Thank you so much for sharing your appreciation. Yes, William is brilliant and I can vouch for his work and his message because, for me, he gave me exactly what I needed for my journey. He would always say that we find the teacher best for us at the time; which could be just about anything that comes along in our life is our teacher. We are always looking at our self, we go toward the brightest mirror of our Self-- and for me, William was there at the right time.

"It is difficult enough already for the few of us on earth who have been given the task of waging worldwide battle against the power of belief. Most tenacious among those beliefs is the insanity that one must be either a leader or a follower. Allness leads what? Singleness follows whom? The Seminal Idea discloses Identity to be nothing less than the Ineffable's very own Self-awareness! Every grain of sand and star in the heavens shouts the proof of this fact. Every flower that blooms and wild bird that flys verifies the changelessness of this fact. When the story is told properly--and listened to as a child listens--the individual awakens to DOMINION, to his birthright, his heritage from the beginning, and there is no more need of teachers." (The Child Within Us Lives!) by William Samuel.

For me, I have discovered my individual birthright, there is no doubt here. I have found the Child and I live my divine heritage without hesitation to stand on what I know.

I also realize that none of my writing sounds very "non-dual" but I have found that "non-duality" is an important plateau along the our searching climb up the Great Mountain of tangible living, but it is not the end goal. Knowing the tenets, or views from the subjective, non-dual plateau, and understanding that Life is One Presence, and It is Holy and Divine, and that there Is No Other, all that is correct, right and good to know, but for sure, not the end of our search.

There is more, there is another step beyond the objective dualistic precepts and beyond the subjective "I am no-thing" all is Infinite Mind perceptions of Life. There is the Third step wherein we take in the total view from the very top of My Mountain, where we see Life includes both the objective and the subjective and those two combined, brought together create an alchemy, a mix that reveals the Third; and Here where the two become Three we find our self in the world again, a child again, in love with the world, understanding the world, and here and now we live with the heart wide open to Life and we let the fountain of God's Presence pour Its Living Waters through us, immersed in the joy and wonder of the Child again.

You say you found the Bliss once, then know It has not gone from you. Be unafraid to be your self. To speak from the Trust that Lives in your own Heart.

I would suggest you throw out a lot of the teachings you have gathered and find the Child. All those teaching have done their work lifting you to this Place Now, where the Child returns. You are on your way and it won't be but one more small step back to your Self. A little turn around back.

Come back to Here where you are. You will find You have never been gone. You will find you know all you need to know right here as yourself. It was always You. You are the one you Love, you are your one and only one. You return to your one True Love, the one who was with you before the world was, before you found yourself here in this tangible time-world; you will find This Sweet Child of God is Here. You will find Reality and Your self are One. Unlike what you have heard in your spiritual studies that say "you are not real"; I tell you the Truth is that Who you are is Real. Find yourself and you find Reality. You become You in the fullness of All That You Are.

And even this is not end; finding Reality is is just the beginning--the real fruits all starts Now--- where you come alive again, a tree bursting with blossoms ready to grow and unfold and become more than you could dream, but this time, in honesty and peace and authentic Love.

Rather than go on about this, and since you respond to William's work, I will add this little excerpt from the most important and remarkable book I think you could ever read "The Child Within Us Lives! A Synthesis of Science, Religion and Metaphysics" by William Samuel: "Science has nearly reached the limits of tangibility at both ends of the scale, first and last, large and small. Presently our physical instruments are looking out to the very edges of the tangible universe of light and inward to the limits of the particle's apparent beginning in time and space—to a billionth of a billionth of a second, it is said. These two views are one View. Human views will give way soon to the Reality of things. The government of Godhead—not the government of man and his religion—will arrive palpably right here in man's finite measure because It is here already in simple, timeless Truth, albeit not quite seen, recognized or confirmed yet. As the Lights of the world have said, the New Covenant is written in the hearts of men already. There IS to be a breakthrough and a breakout into childlikeness and simplicity. Beyond that, there is something for the Child of us to do in this world. This book is about that as well."

Your days of happiness and youth have just begun. Your love and joy for Life are returning to you. If you feel surge of vitality busting your seams and a passion for Life filling your spirit with joy, and you didn't have to go anywhere or do anything to be moved like this-- that is the Child --Trust Your Self.

You will find you have much to do for your world in the days ahead. The world will need you soon. You will have a part to play and you will stand as a the unique, strong, self assured individual you are. No more wishy-washy stance that the "non-dual" precepts seem to imply--But fully and Wholly Your Self and Unafraid to Live and Be the Fullness of Your Light right here in the world. It is right vision and right seeing and the Truth that sets you free. Freedom to Be Your Self, the Original Self that after many many life times is Up and Out and Shining Again so that others might find their own Light, their own way, their own unique, divine heritage and claim It and Live It here in the world. This is how we bring the Dawn of The New Day. Each of us, one by one, alone, single, only and individually being the Fullness of Your Self. Fearlessly unrestricted to any dogma or indoctrination or beliefs. Unshackled and unrestricted, unleashed, unbound, unbridled and running free; in this Way we are lead and In This Way we are shining our Light for others so that they can find Their Own.

So, thank you again for the kind words and happy to meet you! Sandyjoy

You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.

Dear Merlin41--What a lovely mention of William Samuel and me! Thank you so much for sharing your appreciation. Yes, William is brilliant and I can vouch for his work and his message because, for me, he gave me exactly what I needed for my journey. He would always say that we find the teacher best for us at the time; which could be just about anything that comes along in our life is our teacher. We are always looking at our self, we go toward the brightest mirror of our Self-- and for me, William was there at the right time.

Thank you SandyJoy for more words of wisdom, as I read William's book I feel joy in my heart and have been in a state of bliss since I woke this morning.

Terry

“I would like my life to be a statement of love and compassion--and where it isn't, that's where my work lies.”
― Ram Dass

merlin41 wrote:Thank you SandyJoy for more words of wisdom, as I read William's book I feel joy in my heart and have been in a state of bliss since I woke this morning.

Terry

Oh, nice to hear that!

Over the years of publishing and being a part of William's work, I have heard from so many people who confirm for me that his way with the words on Truth is so special. He writes in a way that the reader hears something 'ring' within and he brings us to actually feel and know directly, right here, touching upon this Sweet Peace of this Awareness as Identity we are. We feel the Peace pour over us by way of his words. And then once you feel it, you always know what it is 'they are talking about' when you hear about "Awareness". It is not that "i am more aware" or "more focused" it that Awareness is Always Here and It never goes away, we cannot lose it or leave it, we can forget to notice It, but even that forgetting is happening Here within This Awareness I Am. We see that nothing exists without Awareness being present on the scene.

He also shows us how Awareness and Identity are the Same Self Knowing of God. He is great, and I am glad his words, which are Your own Words from Your self, are bringing you back to Your Self.

I remember when I first read that book, I was truly brought to the Light of Peace by his words. I was so excited about it, I called him and to my ever lasting joy, he answered and we become fast friends. So, yes, I have seen this Happiness descend upon the thousands who, over years, have found his message in that 'magical' book "A Guide To Awareness and Tranquillity" to be of great insight and help along the path.

He really has a special gift, and he knew he did too-- he knew where it came from--He knew he had been given an ability to 'string the words just right' so that the reader would not just hear the words intellectually, but would be actually transformed by them, 'taken to Here and Now' to feel the Presence of This Allness and somehow when we read his words, we let go the struggle and fear, and the Presence that was always right here, sweeps over us and brings us Peace. . Yes, that is something remarkable about his books. Why it is my Joy that I get to share his work.

His later book "The Child Within" is like a step beyond and back around again, It takes us into the richness and distinctions and purpose and reason for this world of time-form-matter that exist Here. This book takes us back to the world in away, but the Truth in its pages sort of soaks into us and even if we don't understand a word of it the seeds are planted. With every new reading we begin to uncover the Child and we find ourself growing from the seeds that were planted, if we give it time and water and care and attention we will see ourself sprout and then reach up and reaching down like a little plant. We open to the sky and the sun (Spirit and Light) and we dig deep below the earth (tangible passing scene) where we can steady our self in the world with strong roots, no longer knocked about by the changing scenery.

We find the Child and then see Life is such a Grand Experience to Be Loved and Embraced in all its ever changing, coming and going forms of beauty .

You are not finished, until you play in that meadow and live there. You can, you know. But only you can take yourself there.

There is a group of psychotherapists in the US who are very familiar with nondual teachings. You might like either or both of their books, "Listening from the Heart of Silence" or "The Sacred Mirror" (ed Prendergast)- These are a series of essays by nondual psychotherapists. They have an institute, the "Nondual Wisdom and Psychotherapy Institute" - http://www.wisdompsy.com/. Good people, quite varied approaches.

Andy

A person is not a thing or a process, but an opening through which the universe manifests. - Martin Heidegger
There is not past, no future; everything flows in an eternal present. - James Joyce