I’m a Canadian, 25, teaching in England. I dated a girl here for over nine months.

As our relationship grew, we wondered about the future. I landed another contract for the year after. We were both thrilled.

I knew I was in love with her. I’d been previously hurt, so waited for her to say she loved me first, even though I knew if I said it, she’d say it right back.

During summer holidays, I went back to Canada for three weeks. Meanwhile, she got a new stressful job. When I returned to England, we were both juggling new jobs, new friends, and time together.

I got drunk one night and she later said my behaviour reminded her of her abusive ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t abusive, but when I tried to defend myself, she said he’d said similar things.

I surprised her with gifts for our one-year anniversary. She started crying and said she didn’t feel it was working for her anymore. I wanted to work on our relationship, but she raised that we’d never discussed her moving to Canada or my staying in England. I’d previously tried to hold on to dying relationships, so I replied, OK, I’m not going to try to change your mind. We hugged goodbye and I walked away. She was bawling.

Two months later, she contacted me, to drop off something of mine. She visited, we chatted, laughed, and caught up. I mentioned, hinting, that I’d decided to stay in England. She said she hoped we could still be friends.

But I’m struggling with this, because my feelings for her haven’t changed. I regret never telling her how much in love with her I was. I think spilling my heart out now would be pointless, when it seems like she’s moved on.

Is there any hope in reviving this relationship?

Love Gone Awry

You can’t revive anything with silence.

Ask to see her, and tell her you regret not having been open about your love for her. Say you also regret leaving her uncertain about the future. Explain that you’ve learned the importance of expressing your feelings and making plans together.

Even if she doesn’t say yes immediately, it raises a chance that otherwise doesn’t exist while you’re apart.

There’s no sadness in being honest about love, rather than just letting it slip away.

How can I tell if my boyfriend’s secretly in love with his co-worker?

He’s commented that she’s cute and bubbly, and he smiles when talking about her.

Initially I suspected an affair, because he often works late/goes in early, but at the company Christmas party they didn’t really talk at all.

He’s mentioned that she has a boyfriend but she never brings him to company events. I’ve encouraged him to find another job (unrelated reason, the company treats him terribly) but he hasn’t.

My insecurities tell me it’s so he can continue to see her everyday. How can I help myself here?

Insecure

Knowing that you’re insecure is the first step to managing it. But you have to actively do so. (You’ve written me several times, and I appreciate that you do try to work out some of your worries, this way).

He must also know your insecurities by now, and likely wouldn’t speak about her if there were more to it.

If he’s in a job with long hours, keep yourself busy too (exercise is particularly helpful for blocking self-inflicted anxieties).

Remember, he’s chosen to be with you. It means you have the prime place in his life and need to accept that as truth.

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