With a final project due in 14 hours, it was serious crunch time. Since I knew I was looking at an all-nighter, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up some caffeine sources. I was amazed at the variety of energy drinks available, and the multiplicity of strange claims they offered and ingredients they contained. “What’s the difference between Panax Ginseng and Siberian ginseng?” I wondered. “Do bee pollen and gingko biloba really sharpen my mind and revitalize my body? And what the fuck is glucaronolactone?”

Someone needed to get to the bottom of all of this, wading through the sea of unsubstantiated claims and separating fact from hype. Someone needed to demystify these strange concoctions by explaining the difference between D-Ribose, L-Carnitine, Taurine, and Inositol.

I am way too lazy to be that person. Instead, with Jen’s assistance, I conducted a comparative taste test. We sampled six different energy drinks and rated their tastes on a ten-point scale. Since I’m inclined the believe that the effects of the peculiar dietary supplements these drinks contain are largely psychosomatic, we also rated the drinks on “Design,” a category that included both the look of the can and the extent to which we were “convinced” of the drink’s effectiveness based on its pseudoscientific pronouncements.

Here are the results of our evaluation. Ratings range from 1 (terrible) to 10 (excellent).

The product: Amp Energy Drink from Mountain DewThe pitch: With MDX5! Turn up your energy with Amp. Only Amp has MDX5: taurine, ginseng, B-vitamins, guarana, and maltodextrin, a complex carb. All in a great tasting citrus fusion. For energy that lasts.Contact: www.ampenergy.com 1-800-433-2652Comments:Â

If you want a drink that tastes good, go with Hansen’s Energy Drink or SoBe Adrenaline Rush. Or just drink a cup of coffee with milk and sugar and you’ll probably get the same effect.

Other Notes

Some of the cans were labeled with amusing warnings:

Suggested use: up to four (4) cans per day. Not recommended for children, pregnant women, or people sensitive to caffeine.

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

The caption “NOT GENUINE UNLESS SIGNED” on the Energy Shot can made no sense, since the signature was machine-printed on the can right along with the caption.

When we had finished our taste comparison, I mixed all of the remaining energy drink liquid together into a mixture I called “Maximum Potency Extreme Venom High Adrenaline Red Amped Energy Bull Rush Rocket Shot with Instant Bite.” It wasn’t too bad..

I felt really jittery and weird at the end. Too much glucoronolactone, I suppose.

Nice review. But hey, to have a suggestion on improving your review that would appeal more, try doing a taste test of all the top 10 ranked in sales for energy drinks. You can look them all up on wikipedia.org. Just type in energy drinks for the search, and use those sources to improve a better variety for the brands that do have a signigicant impact on the energy drink market to your taste test reviews.

I initially make a point of congratulating you for your so interesting site. Then, i would like to import an energy drink in Morocco. I seek a drink more sweetened than Red bull, nearer to Shark energy drink and which is at a price raisonable for our market. In this moment, I am in contact with many drinks manufacturer in the Netherlands, in Spain and Thailand. In Thailand, one proposed a drink to me â€œGolden falconâ€ with a very handsome price and which would seem to be similar to Red Bull on the taste. What can you say to me on these drinks of Thailand, like this one or â€œcommando bearâ€ or â€œcarabaoâ€.

The Venom energy drink in my opinion is the best, & i HAVE TASTED THEM ALL!
It has a kind of menthol citrus taste with no after taste. It’s kind of like chewing Clorets gum which really does the job of keeping your breath fresh all day long.
The Venom drink is not only an energy drink that last longer than it’s competition, but it also helps you with your sex drive and sperm potency.
Red Bull may give you stamina with you pelvic thrusts, but venom gives you that and stamina with your erections

I love your site! Very interesting, congratulations.Sex Drive Energy Drink is the one!!! I’ve been drinking energy drinks for over 10 years. I’ve tried them ALL! I try every new one that comes out on the market looking for the right ingridients and taste. About 5 or 6 months ago I finally found the perfect one! Sex Drive Energy Drink; this drink has an incredible great taste with powerful natural ingridients which I care the most and it really gives you all the energy you need for the day. I RECOMEND IT to every body… Sex Drive Energy Drink is the BEST.

wow..thats awesome that you took the time to do that. i think im going to try the ‘Maximum Potency Extreme Venom High Adrenaline Red Amped Energy Bull Rush Rocket Shot with Instant Bite’ sounds good[: but for now..my favorite will always be VENOM[: im drinking the red one right noww.