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Welcome to Snarkfest

Welcome to my snarky corner of the web. Join me as I discuss everything from wine to chocolate. There may be a few other topics mixed in there too. I talk a bunch about my amazing offspring, 19 and 17. I sometimes go on and on about my secret crush on the amazing Mike Rowe. I talk about things that irritate me or things that make me happy. Sometimes I just talk to hear myself talk. Feedback is always appreciated but please make sure it's respectable. No nudity or profanity. I'm the only one allowed to be profane. But any and all snark is welcome and appreciated!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Tuesday Tirade, Weiner, Kutcher, Michelle & a movie edition

How on God's green Earth this assbag is still around is beyond me. For those of you living under a rock, Anthony Weiner, New York Congressman and all-around douchebag was caught with his pants down, literally, because he tweeted pics of his weiner to women and engaged in six different 'inappropriate relationships' over the course of 3 years. And now he's running for mayor of New York. What the hell?? Who in their right mind would elect this jackass?

First of all, I just can't wrap my brain around the idea of this guy even THINKING anyone would take him seriously after the big scandal he brought on himself by tweeting lewd pictures of himself to women who follwed him on Twitter back in 2011. Now, according to this report from Business Insider, he called one of his opponents 'Grandpa' at a debate put together by AARP. Pretty smooth, dumbass. Last week, in a Quinnipiac University poll, Weiner dropped to 4th place (out of a possible 4, ouch, that's gotta hurt) and what was his response? According to the AP, his response was: "Polls don't change anything."

Well, polls may not change anything but sending pictures of your own 'pole' is pretty nasty, especially when you have a wife, a baby and you're a Congressman, you stupid twit. If you got caught in 2011, said you were sorry, resigned and did the same damn thing AGAIN as recent as April of this year using the name Carlos Danger, you deserve to have your ass kicked in the polls, in the streets, in your house, gosh there's really NO PLACE I can think of where you DON'T deserve to have your ass kicked.

So that's my take on Anthony Weiner. I'll give him no more ink.

How about Ashton 'call me Chris' Kutcher's commencement speech at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday night? After thousands of girls screamed at the boys from One Direction (sorry 15 and 13, you weren't home in time to watch but I saw it and it was wonderful) whose average age is like, 20, the hosts introduced a guy who looked like a cross between Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan, who then presented Ashton Kutcher with the 'old guy award' which I think is comparable to the Oscars Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement award, but don't quote me. Ashton then got up on stage, revealed that his real name is Chris (so?) and then proceeded to give the equivalent of a college commencement speech to the thousands of screaming girls, some of which screamed "Take it off!!!" as he was imparting words of wisdom. Nice idea, Ash....Chris, but maybe next time, save it for the graduates. I think your wisdom was lost on the chicks who just wanted to see your bare chest.

Also of note for that show was the really sweet and very emotional acceptance speech from Lea Michelle who won for TV Actress in a Comedy. It was her first appearance since the death of her former Glee castmate and boyfriend Cory Monteith. Even I was moved, and I'm pretty hardass about stuff like that (totally lying, I'm a flipping marshmallow who cries while watching A Baby Story).

And I'm going to leave you Snarklings with a movie recommendation. Early in the summer, we started streaming Netflix, and one of my husband's favorite genres of film is B horror movies. He could watch I Spit on Your Grave til the cows come home. So he's been watching these movies and came across one that gave him pause. I'm not sure why it was in the B horror genre, because it was hilarious. The movie is called Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. I swear to God we laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. It stars Tyler Labine as Dale and Alan Tudyk (Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball) as Tucker. If you have a chance, rent it, stream it, watch it and come back and tell me you didn't nearly pee your pants watching it.

I loved Chris' speech. Thought it was a nice departure from the "YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! WHOO HOOO!" crap that all the other teens give. And yeah, it was a bit "graduation-y" in its message, but for the 5.2% of the teens who listened to it (my girls included), I hope it resonated, because it really was a lovely speech and I was impressed that he had prepared something so eloquent -- what with all the pot smoking and banging Mila Kunis he does on a daily basis. ;)

And ditto on the Lea Michelle appearance. I sat there bawling. She was so brave to do that.

I liked Chris/Ashton's speech (I have to say it was a far better commencement speech than my son gave two months ago, only don't tell him I said that). I was equally impressed with Lea Michelle's as well. My 14 year old daughter has said for several years there are three people she wishes she could meet: President Obama, Mother Teresa (even though she knows she's dead) and Lea Michelle. I'm okay with all three.

And I'm going to fire up the Netflix later and watch your movie recommendation. IT BETTER NOT SUCK (just kidding).

I was SO impressed with what Chris/Ashton said. As you point out, I think it was lost among the majority of the screaming audience. At least he tried. And I've totally had enough Weiner to last a lifetime. (you can quote me on that) ;) --Lisa