Tuesday, 8 September 2015

Interior monologue of a writer trying to sell a new book. (Or, the joy and pain of amazon ranking)

Right. This is it. The
great launch is here. Well, not great.
I'm not actually going to do
anything. A bit of cava for lunch to mark the occasion, that's all. It's an
ebook, we're in 2015... Perhaps for the
paperback I'll pay for a launch, but I don't know... it's not really worth it, to be honest. Not
financially. A lot of fun though.

Right. Here goes a
quiet e-book launch.

I just want...

I just want so badly
for it to be..the one.

I know. I shouldn't have
expectations. I'm going to be disappointed if I do.

Everyone knows you
have to write at least eight books before you get anywhere. Look at

Jojo Moyes.
She wrote eight books before You Before
Me took off. I must prepare myself
for the worst.

#PLEASERETWEET IS PUBLISHED. (video proof below)

It's just gone live on
Amazon. Current position #56,000.

If it goes any lower... don't go any lower... I shouldn't look.
Don't look!

#29,000

Thank f$%^ for that!

Maybe it'll go higher. Even if just one person buys it, it will jump up a few thousand.

*appeals to friends and family on Facebook to
'help an artist out'*

#21,000

Yessss. Keep climbing!
Please keep climbing!

Once when I discounted
ShopGirl Diaries to 99p I sold 10 ebooks and it shot up to #80 in one of the 'women fiction' categories. That's what I need. A few people buying it at the
same time. The higher it gets the better chance it has of reaching a wider audience. Wider than my friends and family, for instance.

*Appeals to Twitter*

#14,500

Thank you everyone!
Thank you. I LOVE YOU.

#9,800

You are the most
supportive, kindest bunch of people ever. I'm so grateful to everyone. I love
you. You all know that right?

#5,000

Oh wow. This is the
highest I have ever reached. Maybe this is the beginning of a new, more
successful phase. Maybe the work is going to pay off. Maybe I can aspire to
make a living out of this after all?

#6,000

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

*refreshes amazon
page*

It can't be game over already! Maybe it'll go up tomorrow?

TWO WEEKS LATER

#86,000

I'M NEVER WRITING A BOOK AGAIN! I can't take it! I can't take any more! It's too hard!