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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Racist census to continue dividing a nation

Dear Statistician General Pali Lehohla,

What’s it feel
like to blow money on a grand scale on nothing more productive than bits of
paper? And to make matters worse you are doing it without a thought for the
majority who live in slums with nothing better to do than riot and trash the
place.

Eighteen years after racialism was
supposed to have replaced 40 years of White domination that spawn the hated apartheid system
in South
Africa and kept Blacks as serfs you are still at it - classifying
people according to colour.

Refresh my memory; what colour gets
preference when Government jobs are dished out?

Now that the Black
African National Congress Government is in charge you are having an
expensive census to put everyone in their place; Blacks, Whites,
Coloureds, Indians, Chinese and any other colour of the rainbow
nation that you can think of.

It’s pure,
unadulterated racialism.

Surely we are all people now, all 50-million of us. So when your 300 000 part-timers call round at houses shortly, with those 75 question forms, everybody should refuse to complete
the colour question.

I hear we’ll be asked a host of things
designed to improve the lives of everyone. Like: How often do you have sex?
Have you done it outside yourracial category? Have you had aids? If so how
many times and in what racial group was the person who gave it to you?

Sorry I’m wandering. What I really wanted to tell you
is I’m
organizing a National Census in opposition to your official one. I was shocked to read that you are only going to have
the results of your one two years
later when it’s completely out of date unless you expect us to put breeding on
hold while you do your sums. And that’s stretching it even for African Time. And it’s going to cost a very reasonable
R2.8 billion plus.

I don’t know which Government official’s salary
that equates to but no doubt the
meddling press will tell us, if they
are still allowed to by next year. I don’t suppose you’ll be happy about my
rival census but South Africa’s a free country; at least it was yesterday.

Mine will be a cut price one. With any luck you will have a lot to thank me for
because it will make the official
one unnecessary and the nation will
save a packet. Oh! I forgot your Government
is not in the business of saving tax
payer’s money. It’s on a glorious spending spree for the
good of the few at the expense of the
many.

I’m calling for volunteers to go to their
nearest shanty town and question just 10 hut owners and their
families. Here’s what they will be asked.

1. Have any of the ANC’s Promises
become a reality for you and give us an idea of how they
have improved your life.

1.1 How long have you lived in abject poverty?

1.2 How many times a year do you get a square meal?

1.3 Have you been forced to connect electricity illegally?

1.4 How many times has your shack been burnt down in the
last year?

1.5 How many people, above 20, live in your one roomed tin hut?

Then come the Billion Dollar questions as it were which you
may not be too happy with, but I’m afraid I have to ask them
to complete the picture.

2 Have you
heard of the Government Census scheduled
for October 2011?
If so answer the following:

2.1 What would you do with R2.8-billion?

2.2 Have you ever eaten a 14 page census form? If so did it alleviate your
hunger?

2.3 How many houses for the poor do you think could be built with that money?

2.4 How many trees do you think would have to be cut down to produce the paper to record all the
questions for 50-million people? And if you had the wood instead how long would it last yourcommunity when used for heating and cooking?

I know it’s being a bit
familiar but do you mind if I call you My Palifrom now on; it’s so much friendlier? You have to be
Pali to
go into people’s homes and ask them all kinds of intimate questions.

Imagine how long it’s
going to take, especially among unsophisticated people with huge families, to
fill in forms with 75 questions. In our President’s house, as an example, it could take a week
or more at a rough guess. What with all his wives and I don’t know how many
children.

How does it help to know things
like in theWestern
Cape 35 000 of us live in houses with brick walls and corrugated iron
roofs while another 20 000 have houses with tiled roofs and no walls.

Your Government won’t do anything about it anyway.

At the
end of the day My Pali the
exercise won’t feed or house anybody and you will have
blown enough to keep the poor in food
for years. Is that something to be proud of?

WHEN OH! WHEN IS YOUR GOVERNMENT GOING
TO GET ITS PRIORITIES RIGHT BEFORE OUR SIMMERING SQUATER CAMPS BOIL OVER INTO
THE REST OF THE COUNTRY?

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About Me

I was born in South Africa just before the Boer War whenever that was?
Started life with a golden spoon in my mouth which made eating rather difficult as a result I was under nourished as a child.
Went to a posh school where I only got moved up a class when my old man donated another sight screen for the cricket pitch.
Career prospects were dismal and I was once turned down for a job in the London sewers. "Too highly qualified;"that’s what they said.
I became a journalist when the Police Force wouldn’t have me.
Like most journos I know nothing about everything but I still write about it.
I decided to have my own blog so I wouldn't have to drink with the editor for hours on end to get my stuff published when according to my independent assessment it’s always of great news value.
My religious beliefs are: You only die once so remember, "You can’t be serious and Have Fun."
NEWS FLASH: I've just been appointed the Poor Man's Press Ombudsman by Presidential Decree (Not to be confused with the PRESS COUNCIL OF SOUTH AFRICA'S, SA Press Ombudsman)