This Is Your Brain on the Internet

From what I’ve observed, it’s almost a sort of bizarre milestone to get to write this kind of post. You know what kind I mean; the one where someone leaves a really wacky spam comment on your blog and then you satirize it. Yeah, that kind.

But no really: technology is advancing at an incredible rate. With each new year we surpass our former achievements by leaps and bounds. However, it came as a shock to read this latest news, which was left in the wee hours of this morning (no, wait, tomorrow morning?) by an anonymous spammer investigator. (We’ll call them Deepthroat.)

It would appear Deepthroat is implying that it is now possible to stream controlled substances into one’s brain digitally (presumably via BitTorrent). Or at least, it will be by 1:53 am this morning, around the same hour mankind develops the ability to communicate through time.

Personally, I see two major issues with Deepthroat’s discovery. First of all, anyone who actually uses BitTorrent is probably not a drug addict. Also, digital crack was already invented 15 years ago in the form of the Hamster Dance Song and perfected when said song was looped for ten hours.

Anyway…

Seriously kids, don’t do drugs. Or listen to the Hamster Dance Song for ten hours. You do not want your brain to end up like this egg.

Oh, the hamster dance. So that’s what it’s called. I didn’t watch much, kinda skipped around, but once I got to the cacti with eyes…that was it for me. Also, after the incident of our two hamsters murdering each other, (after the very helpful guy at the pet store said they would get along just fine,) hamsters have kinda lost their charm for me.
Anyway, speaking of cacti…