I learned at a young age how to get people to buy me drinks. From the first time I stepped foot into a club, I’ve been finagling my way into immediate entry and free alcohol. There weren’t specific rules I followed by back then. After my share of partying and dating, I started to recognize certain patterns and behaviors that men responded to. The bottom line is that there are 4 ways to approach a night of free drinks.

1. The Alias Approach.

This is by far the most fun to play around with. You make up fake names, stories, careers, and numbers. (Always pick a name and profession you will remember. That way, when you’re asked questions about your career, you can actually answer them. You can always bullshit your way through an explanation, but if the person has half a brain, they’ll know when you don’t know what your talking about if you say your a doctor and don’t know any details about what that job would really entail.) Avoid accents at ALL costs. I always pick a profession that I’ve always wanted to secretly pursue, or that I know a little bit about from a family member or friend. One time, I actually convinced a guy I was an astronaut.

2. The Innocent Approach.

This is exactly how it sounds. Play up the innocent, sweetest girl in the world card. Smile and laugh a lot. This might sound simple, but when you’re dealing with someone who you have to pretend to be into, it might be more challenging than expected. Laugh at their stupid jokes, smile at them when you catch them staring at you. (Yes, they will be somewhat creepy, but smile anyway, this will GUARANTEE at least two free drinks.) In this approach, smiling, laughing and nodding is your best bet.

3. The Cool Girl Approach.

This is my personal favorite. Play the guy’s girl. You’re the girl who can hang with the boys, keep up with the drinking, and play all the beer pong/card games. Keep up with your new companions. Take a crazy shot with them, be a beer pong partner, even participate in “guy jokes,” or tell a crazy story of your own. Do anything that shows you aren’t snooty, so that they have to put on their best behavior to impress. Be approachable and personable.

4. The Upfront Approach.

Be totally and completely honest with them and tell them what your intentions are. Be bold when speaking to them. Always appear in control, and tell them that you want them to buy you a drink. This can go in one of two ways: you approaching them, or them approaching you. If they approach you, which happens 90% of the time, then play it cool. Let them talk to you and ask you questions. When the timing is right say “Maybe I’ll tell you if you buy me a drink.” This usually prompts them to playfully flirt and say something along the lines of “oh, so that’s the only reason why you’re talking to me, huh?” This is the opportunity where you say either “yes,” “maybe”, or “it depends.”

Living with a chronic illness like Hidradenitis Suppurativa alone can be bad for your mental health. You owe it to yourself to find a significant other who wants to be there for you through good times and bad.