Uri Geller Makes Ball Move Into Brazil's Net Seven Times.

Vainglorious charlatan and snake oil salesman Uri Geller has revealed he was the man behind Germany's 7-1 thrashing of Brazil. Just as he helped England defeat Scotland in Euro 96 he decided to show his extraordinary powers once again.

"There's only so many times you can bend a spoon and make it interesting, " he once said before branching out into psychokinesis and conjuring tricks.

Geller had bumped into the German manager, Joachim Low, coming out of a Vidal Sassoon Salon a few weeks earlier and Low said he was impressed with Uri's skills. He was amazed how he got England to beat Germany 5-1 a few years ago with Emile Heskey in the team. Until last night it was the greatest achievement of all time by a self-proclaimed psychic.

"He challenged me to prove it wasn't a fluke, " said the mystifier.

Uri revealed he had secretly gone up in the Betfair Blimp above the Estadio Mineirao in Belo Horizonte.

"The plan was to make Brazil lose their shape, become clueless and play like strangers through telepathy. Basically to become Roy Hodgson's England. I was going to make David Luiz brain dead but someone beat me to it."

He then used his legendary powers to turn German efficiency into the Brazil 1970 side. It worked apart from Mesut Özil. "I'm great but not a miracle worker."

Parapsychologists and goal-line technology confirmed that the ball had crossed the line seven times. Whether that was down to the paranormal or just good shooting we may never know? Uri and the Germans are in no doubt.

Joachim Low has praised Geller for his outstanding performance.

"We just required someone or something to burst the Brazilian balloon and Uri was the prick we needed."