Friday, December 25, 2015

The Day We Should All Switch Off

And here's me on the computer - larks. I watched a tv programme that was literally two hours of a pair of Sami women walking in the snow, with reindeer and sleighs, travelling through the forest and I could think of nothing better than living that life. I know, I think my brain has finally given up the ghost completely.

After the chaos over the past few months with illnesses, my pattern of being slightly (ahem) disorganised on the run up to the event that happens on the same day every single year, I mean it's not like Easter, tied to the pagan full moon. Except this year it is. Hold on, I've lost my train of thought (full speed, out of control and running out of tracks).

All in all I pared back, and it worked. To a point. I wish I could have afforded more but at the same time my sons didn't want more. Blessed to have raised non avaricious boys, they're happy with what they want and at least I managed to provide that (and a birthday on Tuesday, again, it's not like it arrives as a surprise). I feel bad they only have me, no extended family bustling around a full table - then again we could have an extended family that's like my mum's family and that would not bring feelings of peace and goodwill at all.

And I dressed up the dog because he's very patient. Chew sticks were involved.

I'm feeling very addled at the moment, I think that is clear. As though I've come to accept how circumstances are, but I'd like them to be better so this acceptance thing is a non-starter. It's only a week left of 2015 but I'm trying my best to make and keep at least one promise, that we can afford a holiday this year because the lack of break is obviously sending me dolally. That probably sounds poncy (poncey?) and in danger of being middle-class "first world probems" but with everything that is happening, everything that has happened and general lack of luck - surely I can try for a week in the sun not having to cook or clean?

Perhaps my next post will be less erratic. Who knows? Who cares?

(I'm going to use this space to crow about the face that I was *right* about the Christmas Doctor Who episode with River Song - I knew it would lead back to the library, does it matter, to me it does!)