I loved the earlier illustration. congrats, Mr Seal. Job done. BTW, the illustration did remind me of those high-flyers, snapped before the world-wide economic collapse, partying in crimson sashes and bow ties. I think this fine allusion cost you accreditation, for none of those chaps have even come close to doing time. Tar, feathers and a short rope is too good for them: how about the good old ways from the good ol' days? drawing and quartering might return with the arcane legal system and feudal social arrangements. Fingers crossed.

Sorry Madjez if you feel your toes have been stamped upon - a genuine case of great minds landing in slightly different places in this instance. Please don't get upset and start trashing the joint - the NB holding cells are overcrowded enough and we don't have sufficient Liebfraumilch to go round as it is.

Please do sub some more great ideas we can inadvertently rip off - makes our life so much easier.
Happy New Year to all.

Dear Editorial Team,
I have collected my toys and put them back in the pram.
I wasn't saying you'd nicked my ideas (am happy to agree that great minds think alike). I was just peeved at the fact that I put my post up and got nil response whatsoever and then yours which was very similar went straight on the front page without the need to be posted (and therefore ignored).

Madjez - worry not - I submitted this 20 months ago and it probably didn't get any stars either. But to be fair, Stan's the Man and good luck to him. His was better.

Greenwich Mean Time about to get meaner due to recession cutbacks

In an interview yesterday, Big Ben said that due to the down turn in global prosperity, Greenwich “Mean” time is about to become even meaner.

“We can’t go on like this,” said Mr Ben, who is no relation to the 1970s cult children’s tv programme of the same name.“Due to the inflationary nature of time, temporal purchasing power is being eroded. An hour is soon to become just 54 minutes. Everyone has had to make cut backs and we are no different. This 10% reduction in chronological value means we can now consolidate, without making further cutbacks. We were tempted to go as low as 45 minutes to the hour, but feel that the resulting job losses in the chimes department would have been excessive and could be harmful to British exporters”.

As schools began to re-write their time tables and the average adult started to come to terms with only getting six and a half hours sleep each night, the government stepped in with a bail out package. The Chancellor of the Exchequer announced sweeping plans to prevent an instant devaluation of the moment. “Time is money,” said Darling “We are busy spending our way out of a recession, so we will buy back those few minutes of each hour. By 2020 we should have paid the nation back that fortnight we have borrowed each year”.

Ava Goodyear, speaking on behalf of the Workers’ Union of Time, responded by saying that their members would accept maintaining the previous timing system for all breaks, but would agree to the new structure being introduced, with immediate effect, on all working hours.

The Speaking Clock was contacted for its views. It took a deep breath before saying with an air of resignation that “on the first stroke, it will be twelve twenty one and thirty seconds”.