Responding with Why? to a binary question

Me: "Do you have to work tonight?"
Wife: "Why?"
Me: "Does your work schedule depend on my reason for asking?"
Wife: *playfully punches me in the arm* "No, I don't have to work tonight, smartass."
Me:

Does this type of response bother anyone else? Obviously, we must assume the question is reasonable; I've no issues responding with, "That's none of your business," or "Why?" to presumptuous questions. However, wouldn't the polite thing be to first answer the question and then ask for a reason if you're curious and one isn't given?

Staff: Mentor

Me: "Do you have to work tonight?"
Wife: "Why?"
Me: "Does your work schedule depend on my reason for asking?"
Wife: *playfully punches me in the arm* "No, I don't have to work tonight, smartass."
Me:

Does this type of response bother anyone else? Obviously, we must assume the question is reasonable; I've no issues responding with, "That's none of your business," or "Why?" to presumptuous questions. However, wouldn't the polite thing be to first answer the question and then ask for a reason if you're curious and one isn't given?

I'm with you, is there something else going on? (you don't have to answer, but her answering your question with that type of question seems odd).

I'm with you, is there something else going on? (you don't have to answer, but her answering your question with that type of question seems odd).

We have a good relationship and she's the most honest and trustworthy person I've ever met, so I'm not really concerned in that department. It's almost as if it's an old habit, instinctual even. The "men" she was with before me were not trustworthy.

I could be off base in this particular case, but I find this to be an absolutely typical type A / type B communication issue. This kind of thing used to just infuriate me but now that I understand it, I can live with it without raising my blood pressure, although I still find it disagreeable even though I know how well-intentioned it is.

Basically, type A folks like us want INFORMATION and type B folks don't care much about information but want DISCUSSION. The "why" answer is not to avoid answering the question, it is intended (possibly even subconsciously) to spark discussion.

The stereotypical example of this sort of interaction, in short form, goes like this:

Scenario 1: Type A meets up with type B after work and thinks going out is preferable tonight to cooking in, so asks "would you like to go out to dinner?". Type B responds with a long ramble about what kind of restaurant they might go to and other semi-related stuff and never actually says yes or no and Type A is ready to commit murder.

Scenario 2: Type A meets up with type B after work and type B says "would you like to go out to dinner?" and type A says "yes". Now type B is very seriously hurt and thinks (again, possibly subconsciously) "why does this person not want to talk to me?".

It could be similar to an example I once heard from somebody who taught English as a foreign language.

It took his students a while to figure out that when a boy asks a girl "have you seen the latest star wars movie?" the correct translation is "do you fancy a snog in the back row of the cinema tonight"

The most obvious reason for this that I can think of is that she might not have made up her mind yet.

For example, if you were planning on inviting some friends over to watch sport, maybe she could conveniently be working the evening, but if you said you wanted to take her to a nice place for dinner, maybe she would not be working.

That was just an example, but it illustrate how a binary answer CAN depend on the reason for you asking.

Me: "Do you have to work tonight?"
Wife: "Why?"
Me: "Does your work schedule depend on my reason for asking?"
Wife: *playfully punches me in the arm* "No, I don't have to work tonight, smartass."
Me:

Does this type of response bother anyone else? Obviously, we must assume the question is reasonable; I've no issues responding with, "That's none of your business," or "Why?" to presumptuous questions. However, wouldn't the polite thing be to first answer the question and then ask for a reason if you're curious and one isn't given?

Probably the appropriate response would be to say "No, why do ask?" or "No, what do you have in mind?" Perhaps why is a short-hand way of inviting some elaboration, since one is married to the other.

It doesn't sound like the "Why" was avoidance, which would be a concern.

Staff: Mentor

Zarqon nailed it. Nothing strange here. I often answer with "Why?" in such cases, when the real answer is "it depends".

"Why?" is just much shorter than "I need to finish correcting the manual for xyz software, translated by an idiot who doesn't know neither English nor Polish, but it is boring and irritating, and the deadline is slipping away, as they fight localization problems, so if you have better ideas I will happily procrastinate".

I could be off base in this particular case, but I find this to be an absolutely typical type A / type B communication issue. This kind of thing used to just infuriate me but now that I understand it, I can live with it without raising my blood pressure, although I still find it disagreeable even though I know how well-intentioned it is.

Basically, type A folks like us want INFORMATION and type B folks don't care much about information but want DISCUSSION. The "why" answer is not to avoid answering the question, it is intended (possibly even subconsciously) to spark discussion.
...

Zarqon nailed it. Nothing strange here. I often answer with "Why?" in such cases, when the real answer is "it depends".

"Why?" is just much shorter than "I need to finish correcting the manual for xyz software, translated by an idiot who doesn't know neither English nor Polish, but it is boring and irritating, and the deadline is slipping away, as they fight localization problems, so if you have better ideas I will happily procrastinate".

She's basically her own boss so her schedule isn't written in stone every week, but her clients are often flaky (it comes with the field). I wouldn't mind a, "Yes, I have work to do but it can wait. Why do you ask?" This clearly answers my question while communicating nothing is set in stone.

However, wouldn't the polite thing be to first answer the question and then ask for a reason if you're curious and one isn't given?

This depends. What if the person asking likes to pretend they like hiking but constantly whines about their sore feet, etc for the entire hike; is a nice date for a movie unless the theater is crowded and there's only one good seat left, in which case they take the good seat and you sit alone in the front row; likes to be in a different place seeing new places, but constantly tells you how to drive while getting there; but is a fun person to get drunk with? Is it really polite to whine to them about their whining or to tell them how to be a proper passenger? Wouldn't it be better to find out why they want to know if you're working so you could politely lie if they wanted to do something you hated doing with them?

Sometimes the truth is less polite than a lie.

Or, worse yet, they could be wondering whether this was a good weekend to paint the basement or clean up a winter's worth of dog droppings, in which case I definitely want to lie and say I'm working and politeness has absolutely nothing to do with it.

Personally, I feel wanting me to answer a question before I know the reason for the question is just a sneaky and manipulative way of trying to get me to do something I don't want to do.

Actually, I think the quote might be a binary question. I'm not even sure anymore as I can't even remember the last time I gave a binary answer.