Twice in as many weeks, I’ve been struck by situations that I’ve been remarkably unprepared for given the absence of civility and empathy they reflected. Could I be the odd one out? Would others expect to see what stunned me? I mean, would they not be surprised?

The first situation took place in a parking garage that I use quite a lot. Adjacent to the elevators is a marked parking spot for a disabled person that is sometimes empty but most often there is a car with a temporary or permanent indicator of its eligibility for being there (whether or not, of course, the driver or occupant of the vehicle is disabled but that’s another story.) Access to a health club, a movie complex, several restaurants and an office building can be reached easily from this location.

Last week, after parking, and just as I was approaching the elevator entry area, I saw a man and woman exit an SUV after having parked in the disabled parking spot. Not only did the vehicle have no “handicap” designation, the early middle-aged couple walked with no apparent difficulty. As we waited for the elevator together, I asked the driver--pleasantly, I thought--whether he was aware that he had parked in a “handicapped spot” so as to, well, give him a ‘heads up,’ and, just in case I was missing something, to provide an opportunity for him to provide a ‘good’ answer. But, instead, I got the response I didn’t expect: He said that it was not a properly designed spot, and, to be legal, it had to have a posted sign with certain words and features. This spot was lacking those elements. So, yes, he saw the blue lines and the blue painted figure in the wheelchair but, nonetheless, he was parking there. He said so, easily, with no hesitation, no concern, no problem.

It was all about “the legality” of the designation; nothing, obviously, occurred to him to consider whether someone might actually need that spot, the only one in that location, adjacent to an elevator.

My question for him had two parts, I’d say, one, to let him know so he might park somewhere else, open the spot for someone who needed it, and, yes, avoid a ticket if it came to that. His approach and decision, clearly, were based solely on his assumption, right or wrong, about the last, about the “legality” of the designation. Whether there might be someone coming along who needed that spot was not his concern, not even an issue, apparently.

Most people would, I think, accept the designation and not take the spot. Am I unique in asking why a guy would want to park in a spot designated for someone who genuinely needed it when he didn’t?

Special Reserved Parkinghttp://www.buildasign.com

The second situation occurred in another parking lot, yesterday, this one above ground, at a Wegman’s Supermarket. In close proximity to several of the entrances are parking spaces, with signs, designated for people with children (in an effort, clearly, to make it easier for them to transport their youngsters and groceries over a short distance.) As I exited the store, I noticed a sports car pull into one of those spaces. Out came a couple of young adults who sauntered across the short distance and entered the store.

Again, I was struck by this behavior. Evidently, neither driver or passenger cared about taking that space, showed no regard for, or ‘reading’ of the sign to recognize that someone might need that space far more than they did and that, indeed, Wegman’s contemplated making the shopping experience for adults with children a bit easier by designating spots and posting signs indicating that intention.

How to account for these behaviors? Entitlement? Privilege? Selfishness?

I’m left to wonder why people fail to take the opportunity to engage in small acts of civility and empathy? Why do they not take the right step? And what is the consequence of ignoring the needs of others and, in short, just doing your own thing? In the aggregate, do these acts of selfishness and lack of regard for others have a cost to society? Do seemingly ‘small infractions’ add up to something more? What happens to our sense of integrity, of community, when we simply serve ourselves? Do responsibility and honesty erode?

Perhaps. Consider a parallel set of observations. A general social survey, conducted recently by the AP-GfK, found that Americans have grown more suspicious of one another in every day encounters. It didn’t use to be this way, not according to reports from prior decades. Is the growing suspicion and lack of trust also fed by observing the small acts of disregard, of dishonesty, of selfishness by others? By engaging in them ourselves?

According to April Clark, a Purdue University political scientist and public opinion researcher, "When trust is low, the way we react and behave with each other becomes less civil."

Small acts can have big impacts--in two directions. To get more of the positive, folks have launched a facebook page in order to shame those who violate the rules for parking for handicapped persons. Not bad. Still, I’d like to see more on the affirmative, pro-active side, say, a civility campaign with guides to appropriate behavior. Then we need to expect it, reinforce it and model it. We might try investing more in our communities too and engaging in civic life, being less isolated and more connected. Maybe then we’ll be able and willing to trust and act more respectfully toward one another.