Well, the big day is finally here: Tonight we'll watch Liz, Jack, and the rest of the TGS gang say their final goodbyes. If 30 Rock has been a bit uneven in recent seasons, the one thing that remained a constant was the hilarious, quotable lines that the show's talented writing team would sprinkle into each episode. I spent the past few weeks culling through my favorites to come up 100 of the very best lines—from the weird to the wonderful to the wonderfully weird. The only rule: Each of the entries had to work as a standalone quote, sans context, which in most cases, made them even funnier.

Relive some of the best 30 Rock moments below, and by all means, let's keep this going in the comments. Long live Elizabeth Miervaldis Lemon!

"Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets." —Tracy, Season 1, Episode 1

"Those shoes are definitely bi-curious." —Jack, Season 1, Episode 3

"So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week." —Tracy, Season 1, Episode 4

"No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama." —Liz, Season 1, Episode 5

"You know there are 17 million rats per person in Manhattan. You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?" —Dennis, Season 1, Episode 6

"I am a stabbing robot." —Tracy, Season 1, Episode 7

"It's after six. What am I, a farmer?" —Jack, Season 1, Episode 7

"Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he's gonna kill you and then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us." —Liz, Season 1, Episode 9

"I don't have any money if that's what you're after. And I'm not one of those girls that does weird stuff in bed because they think they have to. If you're a gay guy looking for a beard, I don't do that anymore. And if you're trying to harvest my organs and sell them, I have an uncle who's a cop so don't even try it." —Liz, Season 1, Episode 11

"Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap." —Jack, Season 1, Episode 15

"I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait... what was the question?" —Tracy, Season 1, Episode 17

"Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s." —Dr. Spaceman, Season 1, Episode 18

"I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness." —Jack, Season 1, Episode 19

"The Black Crusaders are a secret group of powerful Black Americans. Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey are the chief majors, but Jesse Jackson, Colin Powell and Gordon from Sesame Street, they're members too, and they meet four times a year in the skull of the Statue of Liberty. You can read about that on the Interweb." —Tracy, Season 1, Episode 20

"Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married." —Jack, Season 2, Episode 1

"Never go with a hippie to a second location." —Jack, Season 2, Episode 4

"Look how Greenzo's testing! They love him in every demographic—colored people, broads, fairies, commies. Gosh, we gotta update these forms." —Jack, Season 2, Episode 5

"Stop eating people's old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don't you know you can fly?" —Tracy, Season 2, Episode 6

"Lemon, what happened? Did you take an Ambien with your Franzia and sleepwalk here?" —Jack, Season 2, Episode 7

"I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I'm just kidding, I know he doesn't care what humans do." —Tracy, Season 2, Episode 8

"The stutter got so bad I was taken out of my grade and put in the special class, held in the boiler room. My only other classmate was named Gilly. He'd fallen though the ice as a child and was technically dead for 57 minutes. They taught us to sweep sawdust so we could find work at a mill. Of course I overcame the stutter in three languages. On to Princeton, Harvard, the top of the business world. I thought I blocked this out, but a thing like this brings back emotions... I feel like I'm back in that boiler room; making little piles of sawdust while Gilly plays with himself in the corner..." —Jack, Season 2, Episode 11

"If reality TV has taught us anything, it's that you can't keep people with no shame down." —Liz, Season 2, Episode 12

"I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica."- Liz, Season 3, Episode 1

"One time I laughed at a blind guy eating spaghetti! Sometimes I pee in the shower if I'm really tired! I saw my grandparents making love once and I didn't leave right away!" —Liz, Season 3, Episode 5

"Rich 50 is middle-class 38." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 5

"I give you a simple management suggestion in a professional context, and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 9

"No, I'm going to tell Drew that I'm having a little welcome to the building party for him but there is no party and then when he shows up I'll laugh and say 'oh it's the wrong night' and then he'll laugh and say one glass couldn't hurt and then I'll put my mouth on his mouth." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 10

"I wouldn't have this job if it wasn't for the mouth in my back." —Kenneth, Season 3, Episode 11

"If you're watching this, you are an executive of the General Electric Corporation, and the unthinkable has happened. Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or something ridiculous, like a woman President. I'm speaking to you from the year 1987, but the message is timeless: Avoid The Noid!" —Don Geiss, Season 3, Episode 12

"Donuts and bed? What are you depressed about, or celebrating?" —Pete, Season 3, Episode 13

"I really don't think it's fair for me to be on a jury since I'm a hologram." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 14

"Most of that time has been spent trying to come up with a hip, edgy name that would appeal to the marketing holy trinity: college students, the morbidly obese, and homosexuals." —Jack, Season 3, Episode 14

"But why would you want to cut your hair? You look exactly as I imagine Mary Magadalene to be." —Kenneth, Season 3, Episode 15

"If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself." —Liz, Season 3, Episode 21

"Which one is the elevator I'm not afraid of?" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 1

"When the Parcells first came to America, they lived in a town called Sexcriminalboat." —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 3

"My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 5

"Looks like you got a bad case of the chew-daddies. Ozark kisses? The woodsman's companion?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5

"Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 5

"Global warming? Sorry, sir, that's just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that's true, why was he killed by a monkey?" —Kenneth, Season 4, Episode 6

"I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled out 'Susan B. Anthony' at the moment of conception." —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 9

"For four years I've had to make do with what passes for men around here, with their untucked shirts, boneless faces, their Stars, both Wars and Trek." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 10,

"You can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 11

"I'm sure she's down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born." —Jenna, Season 4, Episode 12

"There ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party 'cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!" —Liz, Season 4, Episode 18

"Well I'm sorry Sean, and child actor whose name I can't remember. You haven't walked in my shoes! All my life I've tried to forget the things I've seen: I slept on an old dog bed stuffed with wigs! I watched a prostitute stab a clown! Our basketball hoop was a ribcage! A guy in dreads electrocuted my fish! a crackhead breast-feeding a rat! A homeless man cooking a Hot Pocket on a third rail of the G train! The G train, Nermal!" —Tracy, Season 4, Episode 21

"I've prepared a very unromantic evening. First we're going to see a documentary about female circumcision, and then we're going to eat too much Indian food." —Jack, Season 4, Episode 21

"God, three weddings in one day, I'm going to be in Spanx for 12 hours. My elastic line is gonna get infected again." —Liz, Season 4, Episode 21

"Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?" —Jack, Season 5, Episode 6

"Trying on jeans is my favorite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor." —Liz, Season 5, Episode 7

"I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help." —Jack, Season 5, Episode 9

"Who hasn't made mistakes? I once french kissed a dog at a party to try to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12 year old." —Liz, Season 5, Episode 12

"I gotta stay serious. From now on the only movies Tracy Jordan makes are about the Holocaust, Georgia O'Keeffe, or both." —Tracy, Season 5, Episode 12

"I can talk to animals. Well not talk to 'em. I can take commands from them." —Kenneth, Season 5, Episode 12

"Michael Kors is a friend—we own a gay racehorse together—and I convinced him to make wizard cloaks fashionable this winter." —Jack, Season 5, Episode 13

"Last night I had sex with Paula, and neither of us was wearing a Walkman." —Pete, Season 5, Episode 19

"This better be important Jack, I was in the middle of buying a bag of bras on eBay. —Liz, Season 5, Episode 20

"I'm still smart enough to know that I'll never do better than you Liz Lemon, cause you're a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen." —Dennis, Season 5, Episode 21

"Great news Jack. I've got a new life philosophy that I call Lizbianism." —Liz, Season 5, Episode 22

"It's an old Parcell family recipe, but I like to replace the Union soldier meat with boiled potatoes." —Kenneth, Season 5, Episode 23

"Now I'm heading home for a nooner, which is what I call having pancakes for lunch." —Liz, Season 6, Episode 2

"You didn't realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?" —Liz, Season 6, Episode 5

"This is a nightmare. My nemeses—Abigail Breslin and that woman from those Progressive Insurance commercials—are in the audience." —Jenna, Season 6, Episode 7

"Come on Donaghy. You've skied Mount St. Helens, made eye contact with Michelle Bachman, been trapped under a boulder for 128 hours, you're not scared of anything." —Jack, Season 6, Episode 8

"I'm gonna say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: Let's go outside." —Tracy, Season 6, Episode 8

"That sofa is made from Seabiscuit." —Jack, Season 6, Episode 10

"Wow, that is some high level paranoid thinking...like Hitler, or Willy Wonka." —Jack, Season 6, Episode 10

"I feel like Oscar the Grouch today, and not just because I woke up in a garbage can this morning startling someone named Gordon." —Tracy, Season 6, Episode 11

"You know what they say boys. If you can't stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke's sex grill." —Jenna, Season 6, Episode 16

"Jacky and I know how we feel. We don't have to say it out loud like a couple of gays getting married in jean shorts in Provincetown, while I'm just trying to enjoy an ice cream on the pier." —Colleen, Season 6, Episode 17

About the Author

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Writing used to be a solitary profession. How did it become so interminably social?

Whether we’re behind the podium or awaiting our turn, numbing our bottoms on the chill of metal foldout chairs or trying to work some life into our terror-stricken tongues, we introverts feel the pain of the public performance. This is because there are requirements to being a writer. Other than being a writer, I mean. Firstly, there’s the need to become part of the writing “community”, which compels every writer who craves self respect and success to attend community events, help to organize them, buzz over them, and—despite blitzed nerves and staggering bowels—present and perform at them. We get through it. We bully ourselves into it. We dose ourselves with beta blockers. We drink. We become our own worst enemies for a night of validation and participation.

Even when a dentist kills an adored lion, and everyone is furious, there’s loftier righteousness to be had.

Now is the point in the story of Cecil the lion—amid non-stop news coverage and passionate social-media advocacy—when people get tired of hearing about Cecil the lion. Even if they hesitate to say it.

But Cecil fatigue is only going to get worse. On Friday morning, Zimbabwe’s environment minister, Oppah Muchinguri, called for the extradition of the man who killed him, the Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer. Muchinguri would like Palmer to be “held accountable for his illegal action”—paying a reported $50,000 to kill Cecil with an arrow after luring him away from protected land. And she’s far from alone in demanding accountability. This week, the Internet has served as a bastion of judgment and vigilante justice—just like usual, except that this was a perfect storm directed at a single person. It might be called an outrage singularity.

Forget credit hours—in a quest to cut costs, universities are simply asking students to prove their mastery of a subject.

MANCHESTER, Mich.—Had Daniella Kippnick followed in the footsteps of the hundreds of millions of students who have earned university degrees in the past millennium, she might be slumping in a lecture hall somewhere while a professor droned. But Kippnick has no course lectures. She has no courses to attend at all. No classroom, no college quad, no grades. Her university has no deadlines or tenure-track professors.

Instead, Kippnick makes her way through different subject matters on the way to a bachelor’s in accounting. When she feels she’s mastered a certain subject, she takes a test at home, where a proctor watches her from afar by monitoring her computer and watching her over a video feed. If she proves she’s competent—by getting the equivalent of a B—she passes and moves on to the next subject.

The Wall Street Journal’s eyebrow-raising story of how the presidential candidate and her husband accepted cash from UBS without any regard for the appearance of impropriety that it created.

The Swiss bank UBS is one of the biggest, most powerful financial institutions in the world. As secretary of state, Hillary Clinton intervened to help it out with the IRS. And after that, the Swiss bank paid Bill Clinton $1.5 million for speaking gigs. TheWall Street Journal reported all that and more Thursday in an article that highlights huge conflicts of interest that the Clintons have created in the recent past.

The piece begins by detailing how Clinton helped the global bank.

“A few weeks after Hillary Clinton was sworn in as secretary of state in early 2009, she was summoned to Geneva by her Swiss counterpart to discuss an urgent matter. The Internal Revenue Service was suing UBS AG to get the identities of Americans with secret accounts,” the newspaper reports. “If the case proceeded, Switzerland’s largest bank would face an impossible choice: Violate Swiss secrecy laws by handing over the names, or refuse and face criminal charges in U.S. federal court. Within months, Mrs. Clinton announced a tentative legal settlement—an unusual intervention by the top U.S. diplomat. UBS ultimately turned over information on 4,450 accounts, a fraction of the 52,000 sought by the IRS.”

There’s no way this man could be president, right? Just look at him: rumpled and scowling, bald pate topped by an entropic nimbus of white hair. Just listen to him: ranting, in his gravelly Brooklyn accent, about socialism. Socialism!

And yet here we are: In the biggest surprise of the race for the Democratic presidential nomination, this thoroughly implausible man, Bernie Sanders, is a sensation.

He is drawing enormous crowds—11,000 in Phoenix, 8,000 in Dallas, 2,500 in Council Bluffs, Iowa—the largest turnout of any candidate from any party in the first-to-vote primary state. He has raised $15 million in mostly small donations, to Hillary Clinton’s $45 million—and unlike her, he did it without holding a single fundraiser. Shocking the political establishment, it is Sanders—not Martin O’Malley, the fresh-faced former two-term governor of Maryland; not Joe Biden, the sitting vice president—to whom discontented Democratic voters looking for an alternative to Clinton have turned.

During the multi-country press tour for Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation, not even Jon Stewart has dared ask Tom Cruise about Scientology.

During the media blitz for Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation over the past two weeks, Tom Cruise has seemingly been everywhere. In London, he participated in a live interview at the British Film Institute with the presenter Alex Zane, the movie’s director, Christopher McQuarrie, and a handful of his fellow cast members. In New York, he faced off with Jimmy Fallon in a lip-sync battle on The Tonight Show and attended the Monday night premiere in Times Square. And, on Tuesday afternoon, the actor recorded an appearance on The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, where he discussed his exercise regimen, the importance of a healthy diet, and how he still has all his own hair at 53.

Stewart, who during his career has won two Peabody Awards for public service and the Orwell Award for “distinguished contribution to honesty and clarity in public language,” represented the most challenging interviewer Cruise has faced on the tour, during a challenging year for the actor. In April, HBO broadcast Alex Gibney’s documentary Going Clear, a film based on the book of the same title by Lawrence Wright exploring the Church of Scientology, of which Cruise is a high-profile member. The movie alleges, among other things, that the actor personally profited from slave labor (church members who were paid 40 cents an hour to outfit the star’s airplane hangar and motorcycle), and that his former girlfriend, the actress Nazanin Boniadi, was punished by the Church by being forced to do menial work after telling a friend about her relationship troubles with Cruise. For Cruise “not to address the allegations of abuse,” Gibney said in January, “seems to me palpably irresponsible.” But in The Daily Show interview, as with all of Cruise’s other appearances, Scientology wasn’t mentioned.

An attack on an American-funded military group epitomizes the Obama Administration’s logistical and strategic failures in the war-torn country.

Last week, the U.S. finally received some good news in Syria:.After months of prevarication, Turkey announced that the American military could launch airstrikes against Islamic State positions in Syria from its base in Incirlik. The development signaled that Turkey, a regional power, had at last agreed to join the fight against ISIS.

The announcement provided a dose of optimism in a conflict that has, in the last four years, killed over 200,000 and displaced millions more. Days later, however, the positive momentum screeched to a halt. Earlier this week, fighters from the al-Nusra Front, an Islamist group aligned with al-Qaeda, reportedly captured the commander of Division 30, a Syrian militia that receives U.S. funding and logistical support, in the countryside north of Aleppo. On Friday, the offensive escalated: Al-Nusra fighters attacked Division 30 headquarters, killing five and capturing others. According to Agence France Presse, the purpose of the attack was to obtain sophisticated weapons provided by the Americans.

The Islamic State is no mere collection of psychopaths. It is a religious group with carefully considered beliefs, among them that it is a key agent of the coming apocalypse. Here’s what that means for its strategy—and for how to stop it.

What is the Islamic State?

Where did it come from, and what are its intentions? The simplicity of these questions can be deceiving, and few Western leaders seem to know the answers. In December, The New York Times published confidential comments by Major General Michael K. Nagata, the Special Operations commander for the United States in the Middle East, admitting that he had hardly begun figuring out the Islamic State’s appeal. “We have not defeated the idea,” he said. “We do not even understand the idea.” In the past year, President Obama has referred to the Islamic State, variously, as “not Islamic” and as al-Qaeda’s “jayvee team,” statements that reflected confusion about the group, and may have contributed to significant strategic errors.

Some say the so-called sharing economy has gotten away from its central premise—sharing.

This past March, in an up-and-coming neighborhood of Portland, Maine, a group of residents rented a warehouse and opened a tool-lending library. The idea was to give locals access to everyday but expensive garage, kitchen, and landscaping tools—such as chainsaws, lawnmowers, wheelbarrows, a giant cider press, and soap molds—to save unnecessary expense as well as clutter in closets and tool sheds.

The residents had been inspired by similar tool-lending libraries across the country—in Columbus, Ohio; in Seattle, Washington; in Portland, Oregon. The ethos made sense to the Mainers. “We all have day jobs working to make a more sustainable world,” says Hazel Onsrud, one of the Maine Tool Library’s founders, who works in renewable energy. “I do not want to buy all of that stuff.”

A controversial treatment shows promise, especially for victims of trauma.

It’s straight out of a cartoon about hypnosis: A black-cloaked charlatan swings a pendulum in front of a patient, who dutifully watches and ping-pongs his eyes in turn. (This might be chased with the intonation, “You are getting sleeeeeepy...”)

Unlike most stereotypical images of mind alteration—“Psychiatric help, 5 cents” anyone?—this one is real. An obscure type of therapy known as EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is gaining ground as a potential treatment for people who have experienced severe forms of trauma.

Here’s the idea: The person is told to focus on the troubling image or negative thought while simultaneously moving his or her eyes back and forth. To prompt this, the therapist might move his fingers from side to side, or he might use a tapping or waving of a wand. The patient is told to let her mind go blank and notice whatever sensations might come to mind. These steps are repeated throughout the session.