A place of retreat for this mother of seven (currently fighting Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer) to speak on the joys and challenges of life for a Catholic family immersed in American culture.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

Aint Nobody Got Time for Dat!

Here is the long-delayed revealing of what is happening with the tumor in my femur...in case anyone is interested.

After an X-Ray and an MRI of my right proximal femur, it appears that there is no risk for fracture and that the tumor is deep in the marrow, which may be painful but is not likely to break my bone at this time. It is a fairly large tumor, 3 inches long. Radiation was recommended for pain management.

Not too long ago I would have jumped right on the radiation table and been ready to kill that spot, but things have changed. My attitude toward this cancer has become one of more or less peaceful co-existence rather than my former desire to kill, kill, kill. Don't get me wrong, I would be thrilled to see every last bit of it gone from my body, but since that is unlikely to happen, I am working with what I have.

Yes, my leg hurts, sometimes a lot, but many days it doesn't hurt at all. After I verified with my oncologist that her recommendation to radiate was for pain only and not for a medically necessary reason, I happily declined. I've become relatively casual about cancer in the bones, because it is not going to kill me. Soft tissue organs are another story altogether, but for now all of those except the brain are totally clear.

I am way too busy to deal with radiation fatigue right now. Fall is beyond crazy, with three football teams, a competitive gymnast, and two soccer teams, not to mention confirmation prep, two scout troops, band, choir, reading club and four different schools! Throw in a husband who is gone more than he is home lately (not really complaining about that, we are blessed he has a good job) and you can see that I CAN NOT get sick. Or tired. Or spend 14 days straight driving to LA for radiation. There is just no way.

So, I have made a pact with the cancer: Don't bother me further and I won't radiate you for now. Good deal for us both, I think (though I am still waiting for confirmation from the cancer that it is on board with this). I am very happy to be in a place of peace with this disease where I can choose quality of life over trying to completely eliminate it at any cost.

What the cancer doesn't yet know is that I am going back on TDM-1, now FDA approved and called Kadcyla. The drug that worked so well for me at first diagnosis on a clinical trial is back in my life and I am really excited! I was taken off the study when my brain mets appeared (even though it is not meant to cross the blood/brain barrier) but now that it is a real, marketable drug, I am hoping it does the same thing it did the first time I used it. I hope it will knock back these bone mets so I don't need any radiation at all. Sorry, cancer, but all's fair in war, right?