In-laws blame wife for son's suicide

May 08, 2006

Dear Annie, I am a widow with four children. My late husband took his life a little over two years ago. I tried to stop him, but unfortunately, there was nothing I could do. That was not his first suicide attempt. The problem now is that his family treats me and our children horribly. They keep saying that I killed their son and didn't do enough to prevent him from taking his life, even though they are aware of his previous attempts. Worse, they say these cruel things in front of my children. I realize my in-laws are grieving and looking for someone to blame. Believe me, I blamed myself for a long time. But I do not feel their present attitude is good for the children. I have told my in-laws that if they want to see their grandchildren, they need to put their feelings aside and act civilly. It hasn't happened yet. I hope you can shed some light on this situation. Trying To Function in TennesseeDear Tennessee, Your in-laws are blaming you not only because it makes their son's death more manageable, but because they do not want to blame themselves for whatever part they may have played, real or imagined. Your children should not be hearing their grandparents say hateful things about their mother. That will not help anyone heal. It will only create more wounds. Your in-laws are in desperate need of grief counseling and/or survivor support groups. You can find help for them, and for yourself, through Survivors of Suicide (http://survivorsofsuicide.com) or the American Association of Suicidology (http://suicidology.org) at 5221 Wisconsin Ave., NW, Washington, DC 20015. ANNIE'S MAILBOX KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR