Family Absences? A Homecoming Tree Helps Children Cope

Is there a special event coming up or a visit from Grandparents that your wild kids are excited about?

Are you a Forest School leader or a teacher counting down to the end of term or an upcoming field trip?

Are you a Wild Mummy sneaking a few days away for a wild adventure without the kids?

Or are you a military family with regular deployments abroad?

A Homecoming Tree has unlimited potential and gives your kids of the wild something to focus on during these times. It’s fun and can get them outdoors too.

(Forgive the photo quality throughout; all taken long before this blog was conceived of!)

So What Is A Homecoming Tree?

Essentially it’s a fun ‘calendar’ ideal for temporary absences or special events, helping kids practice patience, learn about the passage of time and create a record of memories to share at a later date.

The child sticks something to the tree each day in the run up to the ‘event’ and the more they collect from outdoors, the better!

Useful For Military Families & Forest School

Ours came into being when Wild Daddy worked abroad for 6 months, so military families might find this a useful and fun exercise.

For Medical Treatment Too

I’ve been thinking about it lots as Caroline nears the end of her radiotherapy treatment in the US. She’s homesick and struggling with loss of appetite, mouth ulcers, mucositis and oral thrush (caused by the chemo and radiotherapy), making her tired and weak. She’s missing everything about home, especially our beloved Fidgie and is pretty fed up after 10 weeks in a hotel room and hospitals with mostly Mummy and Daddy for company!

What To Do

On your selected tree tie one ribbon or item for the number of days before the event

The children remove an item each day

When the branches are empty the event occurs!

INDOORS: –

On the paper draw the outline of a tree in your chosen size. Ours was enormous to cover a 6 month period but as small as A4 is fine for a shorter time

Attach poster to a wall or door at a suitable height for the child to reach

Each day collect, make, draw or find something to stick to the tree – leaves from a walk, ribbons, cards with wishes written on, art from school, stickers, sweet wrappers, theatre tickets, labels, write on a different word each day or even create a mural which is added to daily – anything the kids come up with

When the tree is full, the event occurs!

Your child has a great record of the period of time, as well as visual stimulus to remind them of all the things to tell the returning parent/visitor etc.

Connect/Reconnect

After 6 months apart, there were lots of stories for Caroline to tell so the items on the tree provided a great way to initiate and help reconnect. The tree provides easy conversation starters for Grandparents/visitors who perhaps haven’t been seen for a while or aren’t that well known to the child.

With a long term illness such as cancer it can also help tell the story of treatment.

Psychology and Empathy

A little parental guidance may be necessary in case younger children think that by painting or completing the tree in one go, the event will occur sooner, particularly worth watching for when children are awaiting someBODY rather than someTHING.

Additionally, especially when awaiting a parent or visitor, children may become bored and lose interest in the activity so it’s worth giving thought to how you might handle this. It could be a sign of stress or worry that they are unable to voice any other way and it may be important to continue adding items to the tree yourself to maintain momentum and listen to any children’s worries that crop up.

Talking Pointers

It’s a great starting point for discussing fears or excitement surrounding the event. Starting with the reasons you are creating the tree, you can use it to talk about and reassure children on many subjects in a non-threatening environment. For example:-

Why the parent is away and where they are (if appropriate)

Why the visitors are coming

Why the forthcoming event is special

How long the wait is (number of sleeps etc)

Worries and fears re loss/missing parents

Fears of abandonment, being forgotten or forgetting the parent

Reassurance of return

Understanding of time

Letting Go

Disposing of your Homecoming Tree might prove challenging and will need sensitivity as a huge amount of unseen emotion is invested in its creation. Ours became an artistic masterpiece on the lounge wall for almost a year after Wild Daddy came home. And it wasn’t small!

During Caroline’s cancer treatment we’ve been counting the weeks between rounds of chemo and radiotherapy but we haven’t needed a Homecoming Tree this time as the hospital Beads of Courage programme marks time for us. My forthcoming post Beads of Courage explains.

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Published by Kids of the Wild

Lucy has a lifelong passion for nature and the benefits of getting children (& adults) into the wild. She was instrumental in setting up a Forest School in 2002 and the adoption of 28 rescued swans at a stately home where she worked. Lucy loves travelling, exploring the wilds with her family, camper van and dog and is proud to admit to crying every time she has witnessed a whale in its natural habitat!
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That is such a great idea. I should use it sometime. On another note, it was such a pleasure to meet the 3 of you, even though briefly and amidst what is probably the most difficult time of your life. Your spirit and love for life is inspiring and I wish you, Michael and Caroline a safe return to your home, that Caroline’s treatment comes to a successful and speedy ending.
Thank you for sharing your story and your ideas so candidly and beautifully, I told you already…I love your writings, please never stop writing. XOXO

Thank you Luhanda, it was great to meet you too, finding friends amongst strangers when we least expected. And thanks for the writing encouragement. Good luck with your training and love to you and your family xx

A lovely idea and so simple to create. It has so many adaptations and you highlight each so well. I can see why you kept yours up for a year, there is so much time, effort and above all emotion that goes into making this, the meaning behind each addition must be huge. I bet it took a while to explain each entry to Wild Daddy! I’m so happy to hear you will all soon be returning home from America, I think about you often and wonder how things are going. Beads of courage sounds an inspiring program.