Conflict at work

Many men in anger management have trouble with conflict at work. They hate their bosses, the corporation, their co-workers and everything else about their work. They are demanding, aggressive and provocative. They are more interested in getting in to a fight and making someone wrong rather than getting what they say they want. They are acting out their hurt rather than resolving their hurt.

There are certain rules to follow the prime one being not “What do I want?” but “Why do I want what I want?” It is critical to separate the people from the problem. The angry person always attacks the person. Are there formal procedures to follow? The angry person starts off with “I am hurt and it is your job to fix me.” This doesn’t work, the underlying assumption that “You should….” Will automatically bring hostility. Are there areas that can be worked? Is it realistic that you are going to get everything you want?

The key to getting one’s needs met is to know what the other’s needs are. Then they can be included in the whole. The more the conversation can be phrased with “We” rather than “You” the more likely you will be listened to. To have some idea of what the other must give up to give you what you want gets you thinking in a smarter direction. This means listening to the other side, reflecting how can what they say be used one’s advantage.

There are always more than one way to skin a cat. Think it through first before opening your mouth, focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want.

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One comment on “Conflict at work”

Although what you are writing here is relating to men at work, the process to resolve the situation is the same for both men and women. It is a matter of identifying what it is I want and need (two separate things) and learning how to put out the want in a positive and creative way. It is important to separate the anger feeling from the anger-related behavior. It is OK to be angry, what you do with it is the challenge.