Pain Med Refill Day…

Glinting in the sunlight on the tabletop,
Lies my remaining trove of liberation and pleasure.
Slipping into a milky haze as ingested medication takes hold,
All I can do is sit back and let the balmy relief flow over and through me.

Ten lifetimes ago I was waiting,
Panting. Groaning. Whining. Begging.
For relief that never came,
Until fully registered and paid for.

This life-saving surcease comes at the cost
Of pride and humility, Self assurance and independence and
Bound within and without by an intricate web of promises,
Commitments, and instructions.

The beating of my bleeding heart
Slows as the two-edged release
Flows through every channel and stream
Of my shuddering, broken body.

Each cell grasps eagerly at the minute amounts
Of narcotic relief now being handed out to all comers.
Vision softens. Thinking reduces to basic functions.
Worries and intelligence blunted in favor of blissful inanity.

A smile works it way past rarely used muscles,
To show on my wear creased face once again.
A glimmer of the fun-loving, carefree being
Takes up residence once again.

Memory of tear wracked nights fades and is replaced
With a feeling of sunshine on lilies and bunny fur in the spring.
Attention diverts away from those things that matter to sentient beings,
To just above those of the mindless herd made only to consume and multiply.

Conversation resumes with smiles and goodwill,
An inventory taken of those found to be in attendance.
Laughter breaks free from a rusty organ,
As the snarling of that vicous wound is muzzled and silenced.

To all outward appearances,
The person in my chair sits in peace and perfect contentment,
While in some small corner of my dulled mind,
That spark that makes me who I am
Weeps and hangs its head in frustration and shame.