If You Ask Meby Eleanor Roosevelt

October 1941

Last night at church the minister preaching in the pulpit quoted you as advising the
young boys and girls of America to drink all the beer and smoke all the cigarettes
they wanted, as it made them popular. The question I wish to ask is this: "What were
your true remarks about this?"

I have answered this question so often that I am becoming rather weary of it. In a
broadcast many years ago, during prohibition days, I said that I thought it was better
if young people who were drinking surreptitiously, as many of them did, were open
about it with their families and in their own homes. I explained that it was dangerous
for young people to go outside the home without any knowledge of the effect of liquor,
and perhaps find themselves in a situation where they were not accountable for their
actions. From a situation of this kind, serious results may arise. I believe, at all
times, in strict moderation in all things, and I cannot imagine that young people
who want to lead healthy and pleasant lives would consider drinking or smoking to
excess.

What induced you to buy a bicycle?

I haven't yet bought a bicycle, but I am planning to buy one because I think it is
well to be able to get oneself about on a bicycle if we are going to have other means
of transportation curtailed, and I have been told that it is good exercise, even for
one of my advanced years!

Do you ever use perfume? If so, what kind?

Yes, I like perfume which is not too heavy, but I have no special brand that I use.

Have you ever said to yourself, "If only I were a man"? Or are you quite content with
being a woman?

No, I have never wanted to be a man. I have often wanted to be more effective as a
woman, but I have never felt that trousers would do the trick!

The child of my neighbor recently died because its parents, adherents of a religious
cult, refused to call a physician. Should the parents or cult leaders be prosecuted
for manslaughter?

No, I am afraid that you cannot hold people responsible where their religious beliefs
make them do things which seem unwise to the rest of us. As I understand the law,
it does not force people to have a doctor if they do not believe in it.

How would you describe your own personal blueprint for world peace?

I am afraid that I have not much faith in any one individual's blueprint for world
peace. I only hope that we will, as people throughout the world, come to the realization
that human suffering is too great if the world goes on waging wars. To me, it would
seem wise to get together and decide on what economic measures must be undertaken
to give the people of the world access to their primary necessities; and then perhaps
it would be wise to remove from us all such things as armaments, which are both a
burden and a temptation to nations, and to maintain some kind of international police
force.

The basic thing, however, is that individuals should want peace, should care about
other human beings all over the world, regardless of race, creed or color, and should
be determined that they will not seek for purely personal advantage, but will seek
for mutual advantage.

Do you believe in a fourth presidential term?

No, I do not believe in any presidential terms. It is an office which carries so many
burdens that, as far as I am concerned, no one human being should ever be willing
to undertake it.

You recently advocated "four children" families in this country. Don't you think that
quality of upbringing is more important than quantity of children?

I am afraid the newspapers did not quote me quite correctly on "four children" families.
As I understood him, Professor Zimmerman said he was concerned about the fact that
families were growing smaller among the people who not only could afford to give adequate
shelter, food and clothing to their children, but could also give them mental and
spiritual sustenance. This, of course, does affect the quality of upbringing.

I do feel that any nation must be interested in having its children come into the
world where they will have a fair chance for development, but I have no knowledge
on which to base any estimate as to the exact size that families should be. I think
it is still an individual question for each family to decide.

Have you a pet superstition?

No.

What do you think of the increasing tendency of today's novelists to use so many "four-letter
words" not spoken in polite society?

I did not know there were any words left that were not spoken in polite society.

What do you think is American women's commonest fault? American men's?

I am surprised that you should even suggest that the American woman has any faults;
but since you do suggest it, I think perhaps it is their inability to take criticism
and use it to the best advantage. This is a fault shared by both men and women very
frequently.

Is Mr. Roosevelt of Jewish descent? Or what is his reason for favoring this nationality?

As far as I know, there is no Jewish blood on either side in my husband's ancestry.
I do not think he favors any nationality particularly, and neither does he have any
prejudices. He looks upon people as people, regardless of their race, religion or
color, and when he is trying to find the right person to do a job, I think he tries
to think exclusively about the qualities of mind and character which are essential
for that job, and I doubt whether any other considerations enter into his decision.

If you feel that he has particularly favored any nationality, I think the answer is
that that nationality may have had more to offer that was necessary to accomplish
the ends desired. I should have said, however, that the distribution of work in such
offices as are filled by the President was among many nationalities and religions.

What would you advise a young married woman of twenty-five to do who, before her marriage,
was a college student and a schoolteacher used to belonging to clubs, but since her
marriage is not allowed to attend church, belong to clubs, go out socially or acquire
close friends of her own age?

Of course, if a young married woman voluntarily gives up these things because it gives
her happiness to do so in order to please those whom she loves, there is no problem
involved. If, however, it is done under duress and is building up bitterness in her
and a sense of injury, then the situation is one which no human being can long tolerate
and I should recommend revolt.

There has been talk and some evidence that you use your column, My Day, as a trial
balloon to get public reaction to some of your husband's pet projects. Is this true?

No, it is not true because I know little or nothing about what you call my "husband's
pet projects" until I see them in the newspapers as you do. We have been married for
a good many years and it may be that my husband and I have grown to think alike on
certain things, and so, confronted with the same situations, we probably have similar
reactions.

Do you approve of divorce? Why do you think it is increasing in this country? Would
you favor marriage-relation courses in our educational systems, beginning in high
school?

Under certain circumstances, yes. There are a great many reasons. Divorce should never
be undertaken lightly, but I have seen many cases where it brought an end to real
unhappiness and created more useful lives for those involved. This cannot be the case,
however, unless the people concerned are serious about their obligations and their
purpose in life.

Yes, I would favor marriage-relation courses in our educational systems, beginning
in high school, if they were given by people who had real vision and high standards.

Does your husband always remember your birthday? What was the best birthday present
you ever received?

My husband always remembers my birthday. It would be easily understandable and excusable
if he should forget, but there are too many people now to remind him for that ever
to occur.

Probably the birthday present which gave me the greatest pleasure and thrill was a
little blue enamel locket with three little pearls, on a fine gold chain, which my
father gave me when I was six or seven years old. It was the first piece of jewelry
that I had ever had.

Suppose you were to find yourself beside a complete stranger at dinner with no conversational
clues to follow. How would you begin talking?

I think I would begin by asking him what he was interested in.

I find that people's ideas of religion vary so greatly that I think you ought to define
what is religion.

I do not know that there is any real reason why I should define what religion is.
That has been done by many people far better qualified to do so. I can only give my
own personal definition, which has no foundation in theology. Religion to me is simply
the conviction that all human beings must hold some belief in a Power greater than
themselves, and that whatever their religious belief may be, it must move them to
live better in this world and to approach whatever the future holds with serenity.

Why should I skimp and save a few hundred dollars for defense purposes and then see
this money which I gave for defense wasted and thrown away on pet New Deal reform?

I think the money which goes into defense bonds is used strictly for defense purposes.
You will forgive me, however, if I suggest that there is defense which is not covered
by the training of men for the services, or even by military equipment, and that possibly
though you seem to feel that your money would be wasted if it was used for what you
call "pet New Deal reform," you might investigate some of these reforms and find that
they are serving the purposes of defense better than you now think. So often people
sweepingly denounce all Government projects, and I find they have never even visited
some of the things against which they cry out.