Women cheat too  but it’s no contest

Thursday

Nov 15, 2012 at 6:00 AM

Dianne Williamson

Before I return to the troubling topic of heterosexual misconduct in the military, allow me to address complaints from readers who took issue with my last column, in which I wondered why the media always ask why men cheat, when the answer seemed fairly obvious.

Let me phrase this in a way that will pass the censorious eyes of my editors, who tend to delete references to intimate body parts on the grounds that we’re a “family newspaper,” even though young people don’t read newspapers anymore because they’re too busy trolling the Internet for porn. Remember that episode on “Seinfeld,” when Elaine learned what happens to a part of the male anatomy when submerged in cold water, and she says, “I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things?” In a nutshell, those things are why men cheat.

But several people who read the column concluded that I’m an ignorant sexist fool and also an idiot who has no idea what I’m talking about, and I suspect they meant this critique as some kind of insult.

“Here’s some news for you,” wrote Paul Wykes in an email. “Women cheat too! Why no mention that Paula Broadwell is also married? I’ve personally known more women than men who have cheated. It’s not just a male thing and I think it’s sexist to imply that it is.”

Wrote a commenter on telegram.com: “Very one-sided Dianne ... women cheat too ... not fair to hang us men out to dry when the other gender is at fault as well.”

You know what, gentlemen? You’ve opened my eyes. So in the spirit of fairness, allow me to catalog the list of female politicians, talk-show hosts, televangelists, CIA spies, Italian prime ministers, International Monetary Fund heads, right-wing hypocrites and pro golfers who have been felled by embarrassing sex scandals:

Er, well, there’s, um… er, then there’s, um, hey, what about that silly woman in the bathroom who… oops, wait. That was Larry Craig.

Look. I’m not saying that all men cheat, or that women never do. Nor am I trying to provoke a gender war, however fun that may be, but I maintain that men and women experience their sexuality in different ways. Someone once said that men learn to love the woman to whom they’re attracted, while women learn to be attracted to the men they love. I hate when people generalize, but it’s OK when I do it, so allow me to note that you never hear of women arrested for soliciting male prostitutes in Main South. And I may be going out on a limb here, but I predict that, no matter how many female congresswomen are elected in New York, not a single one of them will ever tweet suggestive pictures of their body parts to strange men who contact them on the Internet. Nor, thank heavens, is there a female equivalent to Newt Gingrich.

Granted, the female diaper-wearing astronaut didn’t clothe the fairer sex in glory, and I personally suspect that our favorite minx, Hillary, must be up to something, as she’s been looking a bit tired.

Anyway, back to the David Petraeus affair. I don’t mean to overwhelm the reader with technical journalistic terms, but this convoluted scandal has become what we refer to in the business as “totally awesome.” For starters, consider the cast of characters.

First, of course, is Petraeus, who actually appears to be the most normal-seeming person in this entire mess, as he simply had an affair and came clean. We have mistress Paula Broadwell, a Petraeus biographer who gives new meaning to the term “exclusive access.” There’s Jill Kelley, an alluring socialite who wears colorful dresses and insists that she’s deserving of special protection as an “honorary consul general,” which is akin to Dwight Shrute claiming he’s a volunteer sheriff’s deputy in episodes of “The Office.” Now comes Gen. John Allen, who became collateral damage by sending Kelley a gazillion emails and calling her “sweetheart” because he’s from Virginia.

Finally, we have the anonymous shirtless FBI guy who sent topless photos of himself to Kelley (see Weinergate, above).

Meanwhile, promiscuous nations such as France and Las Vegas laugh at us for demanding that if our powerful leaders can’t control their libidos, they must offer tearful interviews to either Barbara Walters or Piers Morgan. And cable news justifies its 24-7 coverage by producing ponderous pieces about the nature of powerful men and private morality, when really they’re just killing time until someone leaks the racy emails to Candy Crowley.

On a positive note, the loss of the well-regarded Petraeus is causing people to question whether our puritanical impulse is costing us good leaders. I happen to believe it is. Coincidentally, so does Newt Gingrich.

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