Monday, October 7, 2013

Hey Kid, Watch Your Step

Sometimes podium stands sneak up on you, I get that. Just have some dignity in the fall, kid. It's safe to say that you didn't handle yourself well. A few things:

1) Is that an XFL ball? A Rugby ball? What fucking country is this?

2) Your teeth. They're gone.

3) No one seemed THAT concerned that you basically died on the stage. The woman in the wheelchair saw, but she didn't want to say anything and disrupt the ceremony.

4) Learn from this. People can go one of two ways after being made into a embarrassing .gif - a) hard drugs and early death or b) parlaying it into a toothless make-out with some sorority girl when you make it to college and take advantage of your brief internet celebrity. Your choice.

(Somewhere in the distance is a father on his cell phone Googling, "How to disown a son?")