Why taking a swing at the drill sergeant is a horrible, stupid idea

Life in the military isn't for everyone. It's totally understandable if you get started, realize it's just not the life you've envisioned for yourself, and seek a different path. Best of luck with that, dude. Be a productive and helpful member of society in whatever way you feel best.

Yet, for some odd reason, whenever douchebags open their mouths and offer an unnecessary excuse for not serving, they'll offer the same tired, anti-authoritarian, pseudo-macho, bullsh*t along the lines of, "I couldn't do it because I'd knock that drill sergeant out if he got in my face."

Okay, tough guy. 99 percent of the time, you'll lose that fight — no contest. That other one percent of the time, when you put up a brief fight, you'll end up wishing a broken nose was the worst thing you had coming.

First and foremost, drill instructors, Marine combat instructors, drill sergeants, military training instructors, and recruit division commanders are highly disciplined and trained to never initiate a physical altercation. They'll yell, they'll get in your face, and they'll generally treat you like the lowest form of scum on this Earth to break you down before building you up into what Uncle Sam needs. Picking a fight with you is pointless when they've got thousands of other tools in their repertoire.

And if they start getting physical without being provoked, the consequences are severe. It's not completely unheard of, but reports of drill sergeants resorting to violence are few and far between — even when considering old-school drill sergeants. Of course they're going to threaten it — stressing out and terrifying recruits is kinda their shtick— but they can't even touch your uniform to correct a deficiency without informing you they're going to do so, let alone take the first swing.

Now. Up until this point in the article, the disclaimer of "starting the fight" has been attached to each and every instance of hypothetical ass-beatings. What happens to the sorry sack of crap who tries to assault a non-commissioned officer in the United States Armed Forces? Well...

Spoiler alert: It won't end well.

In order to reach the point where they're screaming in your face, an instructor has undergone intensive hand-to-hand training — to later teach it to young recruits. In the Army, you can't teach combatives unless you've undergone an intensive one-week course specifically on training a platoon-sized element and another two-week course on training a company-sized element. All of this is in addition to whatever personal CQC training they've undertaken.

And then there's the size disparity. Drill sergeants and drill instructors are, generally, physical monsters. That "make you pass out" smoke session is a warm-up for most instructors. They PT in the morning with the troops, with them again throughout the day to prove "it's nothing, so quit b*tching," and then find time to hit the gym afterwards. Technically, a drill sergeant just needs to pass their PT test, but it's rare to find one that doesn't get a (or near to a) 300.

Ever wonder why they're always in PTs?

(U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Pedro Cardenas)

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that the hyper-macho scumbag lands a good one and they aren't given an impromptu tracheotomy via knife-hand. Before that clown can clench their other fist, each and every other instructor in the area will pounce. Drill sergeants are loyal to their own, so expect them to join in swinging — even if they clearly have the fight won.

Finally, there're the repercussions. The fool that initiates a fight is going to jail and is getting swiftly kicked out with a dishonorable discharge — no ifs, ands, or buts. Don't expect that court-martial to go over well when every instructor there is a credible witness and the other recruits who watched have recently been instilled with military values. No one will back up the scumbag.

Keep very much in mind — these instructors will never lose their military bearing. Dropping that bearing for even a fraction of a second could mean the loss of the campaign hat they worked so hard to earn. There's no way in hell that one asshat will take that away from them when they know countless ways to deal with them that don't involve realigning their teeth.

And because this will get mentioned in the comments: Hell no. A drill sergeant would never lose their military bearing by recording a brawl between a troublesome recruit and another drill sergeant and uploading it to the internet.