In this, the first of our South by Snapshots, we'll be making daily observations from the South by Southwest music festival, so you don't have to deal with the gallons of man-sweat on 6th St.

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Every year, the music business has its schmooze-booze-bruised-eardrum spring break in Austin, for South by Southwest (SXSW for short) -- and every year it gets more and more ridiculous. This year, roughly two gazillion bands migrated south for Shiner Bock, BBQ, and the hopes they'll sign a deal for enough cash to smog-check their tour vans. In this, the first of our South by Snapshots, we'll be making daily observations from the fest, so you don't have to deal with the gallons of man-sweat on 6th St.

This guy. If you ever wanted an answer to the question "What would happen if Slash and Hulk Hogan had a lovechild who inherited David Hasselhoff's wardrobe from 1981?" Now you have your answer.

Illustration by Gustavo Gonzalez

Lily Allen vs. Amy Winehouse, Round 1

This year's battle of the British birds is one of the most exciting next-big-thing showdowns in SXSW history. But Allen took the early, easy lead last night with a completely jammed showcase at Stubbs -- not only was Winehouse nowhere to be seen on stage, but rumors persist that she may pull out of some of her myriad scheduled SXSW appearances (no word yet on if tainted tattoo ink is to blame.)

Things don't look great for Winehouse so far. An Allen proponent -- UCLA's professor of indie rock, Wendy Fonarow (author of the definitive recent text Empire of Dirt: The Aesthetics and Rituals of British Indie Music) proclaimed that Allen would emerge the winner, in a battle between the attractive duo. "She knows when to keep her wits about her -- and a sober person will always kick the ass of a drunk person," she says.

However, there are cracks in Allen's armor -- overheard at the show: "She really sucks," "This is that radio song," and, "what is this, the British No Doubt?" Another warning sign: Allen was chugging from a bottle on stage and later bit the hand that fed her, telling the audience, "People of the NME -- they can fuck right off." Not a horrible statement in and of itself, but Allen said it while onstage at the NME party. Later, she'd call everyone who works for the mag "spineless cunts."

Nonetheless, because she was the more active fighter, this round goes to Lily Allen in a 10-9 decision.

Photograph by Jeff Miller

"Whoops, shouldn't have done that" award:

Slacker.com must be regretting the gobs of money they probably spent renting this place out for the entire weekend right ... about ... now.

Band name trend alert!

We've had our wolf-themed bands and now ... years! With less than a day of SXSW in the books, three bands have already emerged as arbiters of the latest in bad band nomenclature: 1986, 1997, and The 1900s. (Good luck Googling these bands!) Even more interesting is that both The 1900s and 1997 are from Chicago, making us wonder if that city's stuck in some sort of time-machine vortex.

Only at SXSW:

"Brian, could you put the other venues out of our monitor?" --Menomena's Justin Harris, drowned out at the Beauty Bar.