Well, it’s official. We’re in the Holidays. And here’s another ‘How to Survive the Holidays’ blog. Go ahead – scream! Yet, maybe, this one can encourage you.

This is not about grieving through Christmas, or how to deal with all the broken relationships. No. I would rather tackle the traditions of Christmas. So go ahead and scream again.

In a non-scientific poll, I asked people what they thought about how to cope through the three sacred festivals (Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter). Here are a few comments that came up:

Power through it

Remain calm at all times

At least I get a free meal

Accept it and carry on

Drink just enough to get you there and just enough so you can stay

And, last but not least, have a designated driver so you can leave.

The last is my favorite. The designated driver, that is.

It also dawned on me that two of these holidays are supposed to be sacred, and I didn’t get one sacred comment on how to manage the holidays, such as “pray before you go”, etc.

So then, how do we cope with traditions and culture which seem to be practiced but not understood? Here are some thoughts.

Have a clear vision.

This applies well to families. Identify clearly what you are looking for. Write it out, or at least tell someone. I had a family share that the best Christmas dinner they ever had was hot dogs. Yup. On Christmas morning, they piled onto some snow machines, went out for at least an hour, made a camp fire, had lunch and came home. I asked why. They said they wanted to do something different for Christmas as a family and they had a great time. The vision statement was short, descriptive, and obtainable.

Talk about it.

That’s where the excitement about the event comes from. Talking is not so much about what to bring but rather what your vision of the event is. If that is not talked about, then people don’t know how to contribute and are left guessing. And guessing leads to misunderstanding and well - you can see where this can go. Here’s a personal example of how my family and I have planned our Christmas this year. We had some family members come over to our home recently, and we started talking about memories from Christmases past. One memory in particular was brought up and fondly remembered by all of us there. Soon we had a vision for this year’s family gathering. All those in attendance offered their services and wanted to contribute to the event. We had a vision statement, people were offering to contribute and participate. No one, however, offered to bring food! Yet this is one Christmas gathering I am now looking forward to.

Plan

Once the vision is clear and the talking has started, planning helps. Tradition will tell you what to bring and how to react. This can lead to last year’s leftovers. Here’s what I mean by planning. Remember - nothing just happens. You, the host or hostess, want everyone to eat together. That is the vision. You have shared it and are now planning it. But here’s the problem. Every family has someone who always comes late so instead of letting it get to you and frustrate you, plan for it. State the vision, talk about it, and plan for it. Tell your people supper is at 5 p.m. when you really want to start at 6 p.m. Plan an activity from 5 to 6 (Google has many ideas). Then, when the latecomers show up at 5:30, everyone is having fun. They can jump in and dinner is served as planned for at 6:00. If they are still late, stick to your plan. I haven’t yet been at a family dinner where we ran out of food.

If none of this helps and if all things fail in your holiday plans, find a quiet place to be by yourself and take a moment to remember good memories rather than the problems which can come up when families get together.

About the Author

​My name is Peter Hall. I've been involved in counselling for over 40 years and recently launched Safe Place To Grow to meet the needs of my clients. There are two things you should now about me; I am passionate about helping people, and I hate computers.

I am going to be posting stories from time to time that speak to some of the challenges that my clients or I have faced over the years in the hope that sharing them will help you or help someone in your life.