What Team Sports Can Teach Us About Relationships

Teamwork … it is not just for sports!

Of what can make or break a relationship, a lot is to be learned from great team sports like baseball or soccer. The analogies are all there. Consider the “ball hog”: the one who thinks they’re so good, they’d rather try and win as a team of one, shouldering all responsibility while alienating teammates. Other players have the opposite problem—they have trouble seeing when the perfect shot is theirs for the taking, or pass the ball instead of going for it even when they’re in the better position to score. Their insecurities get the better of them, limiting their potential contributions to the team.

Each type of player shares a similar problem, even if they come at it from opposite angles: they’re more concerned with themselves than the team. The “ball hog” wants to win at all costs, and, let’s be honest, probably doubts the abilities of others compared to his or her own. He or she is overly frustrated by others’ mistakes and undermines team morale. The “hesitator,” on the other hand is unduly deferent. That can represent its own form of selfishness by trying to avoid the embarrassment of missing a shot or losing face in the eyes of their teammates.

The best teams are made up of neither ball hogs nor hesitators but team players who want to be the best they can be as individuals while also playing to the strengths of their teammates. They build each other up instead of tearing each other down.

Many of the same personalities and behaviors apply to relationships, because relationships require teamwork. What kind of player would you be? Do you tend to think of yourself as the more capable partner, the one who takes on all the responsibility because you don’t trust your partner to do it? Are you overly critical of your partner’s choices or opinions? Does your partner feel shut out of decisions? Or do you identify more with the hesitator—automatically deferring to your partner, playing down your own abilities in an attempt to avoid any responsibilities in the relationship?

Without a doubt, these types play off each other to the detriment of both. If your partner seems dominant, critical or overbearing, it’s that much easier to step back and act as a minor player rather than a true teammate. You may be thinking, why should I even try when it seems nothing I do is ever good enough? This, however, only reinforces your partner’s view of you as someone unable or unwilling to make decisions. He or she increasingly feels that everything is, in fact, up to them, and behaves accordingly.

So how do you exchange these roles in favor of effective teamwork? A few suggestions:

Remember that you chose to be on this “team” or in this relationship for a reason. So even if things haven’t work out that way recently, it’s not too late to start recognizing and asserting the unique skills and assets you each bring to the relationship. If the more passive partner knows they have good financial sense but has been letting their partner make all the money decisions, considering changing roles. Over time, you might find the one who has always run the household budget but never really had much interest in doing so in the first place and is grateful to be relieved of it.

If you have developed a ball-hog mentality, step back and remember, again, that you chose to be on a team. Unless you united with your partner for the most superficial of reasons—which seems doubtful, because who really wants to spend their life with someone who brings nothing to the relationship but perhaps good looks?—you’re doing both of you a disservice by not valuing or listening to their opinion. Which brings me to the most important point of all:

Building positive morale in relationships is about making decisions that work for both of you and solving difficult problems together. When challenges arise—illness, financial hardship, and other painful issues—you want to have honed your teamwork skills ahead of time, because you’re a lot stronger working together than apart.

As with sports, the key to relationships is practice, practice, practice. Learn from past mistakes. Put up a common front. Cheer each other on. Even if you don’t win every game—and you probably won’t—you might have a better chance at a winning season and a relationship that stands the test of time.

If you feel that you need help improving your skills in working together instead of against each other in your relationship, you’re not alone. Please give OC Relationship Center a call at 949-220-3211, or book your appointment via our online calendar today. Our licensed counselors are here for you.

What People Are Saying

If you are struggling with relationships concerns, the OC Relationship Center is the place for you. Their expert clinicians focus specifically on relationships, and are skilled in couples therapy. This practice is run efficiently, so in addition to the therapy itself, the experience of being a client here is smooth and accessible. Highly recommended!read more

Chris Chandler

14:31 06 Jan 18

Casey Truffo is incredibly warm, compassionate, and helpful! I have enjoyed getting to work with her and experience her wealth of insight and direction. I would highly recommend her services to anyone looking for help in their relationships!read more

drvernitamarsh

23:40 04 Jan 18

I had the opportunity to work with the owner of the center and I have found her to be respectful, competent and warm. Given, the reputation and character of the owner, I have no doubt that her staff are held to the same standard and caliber.read more

Jennie Steinberg

06:38 04 Jan 18

OC Relationship Center is a wonderful group practice. They take wonderful care of their clients, and help couples to thrive! I highly recommend them to anyone seeking therapy to help heal and improve their relationships.read more

April De Higes

01:58 04 Jan 18

This place is very welcoming. All the therapist are experienced, warm and caring, and effective. They work will all issues from couple communication struggles, to depression and anxiety. As a therapist myself, I happily refer to all the therapists in this office.read more

al potash

20:36 29 Dec 17

An amazing place ! My experience of the staff, ambiance and the seamless access to a specialists made me feel cared for and valued.read more

Amber Miller

19:19 27 Dec 17

I know the therapists at the OC relationship center of orange county and they are very experienced in individual and couples therapy. The office is both warm and inviting and I would recommend them to anyone.read more

Ellen Bradley-Windell

00:10 23 Dec 17

What an amazing group of caring, warm and experienced therapists....The Relationship Center of Orange County should be your first choice when choosing to enrich your most precious relationships.read more

Suzanne Smith

22:26 15 Mar 16

Casey Truffo is an incredible therapist and leader. As such, she has assembled a terrific team of practitioners to help couples and individuals heal in relationship with one another or heal in the relationship they have to themselves, respectively. Casey's center offers a beautiful environment for clients to feel safe, heard and empowered. I would send anyone I know to her center, and I trust hers and the skills and knowledge of her practitioners wholeheartedly.read more

Ana Maria Sierra, Ph.D.

04:58 15 Mar 16

I have known Casey Truffo professionally for some time. She is a highly experienced, warm, and compassionate psychotherapist who places the heart at the center of her group practice. You can be certain that you will be made to feel welcomed and well taken care of either by Casey and her staff of seasoned professionals. I would also like to add that Casey is a recognized leader and mentor to many, both nationally and internationally. So, if you are seeking an understanding and approachable counselor who can help you have a more satisfying and healthier relationship, be it with your partner, your child, or with yourself, I recommend that you contact Casey now.read more

Nadia Jones

06:43 26 Oct 15

I have known Marni Reinhardt for the last 12 years. I have seen her bloom as a therapist and grow in her skills from the beginning. She can add so much into her work through her special training in hypnosis and relational issue as well as Evidence Based Practice Models. She is a caring, compassionate, and direct therapist who loves her work and more than anything to help. I highly recommend her!read more