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summer

I remember summer vacation. Used to be, the school bell rang and we’d dash from our seats like cheetahs chasing a tasty gazelle. We were free! Three months of laziness!

Now. Boo. The kids are out of school, enjoying three months of freedom they won’t appreciate–and us 9-to-5ers are trying not to cry as we look out our office windows at the sunshine and the joy and the warmth and the happiness going on without us.

(I’ll never smile again.)

Something’s wrong with society. Well, that’s obvious, but something ELSE is wrong with society. Imagine how productive and enthused we’d be after a whole summer of playtime and rest!

So who do I petition to make this happen? My overlords didn’t even crack a smile at my suggestion. They’re obviously stone people who don’t remember being young and frivolous. They probably eat the full-sized shredded wheat blocks—with no sugar.

(Shredded wheat in its natural habitat.)

Hear me out, dear overlords!

What if we just have the month of July off to romp and play? No one does business in July anyway! I’d wear shorts everyday, hike each morning, eat fresh foods from farmer’s markets, bask in the sunshine and spit watermelon seeds at my grandkids. I’m tearing up just thinking about it!

I’d come back to work in August, ready to hit it hard. Well. Now that I think about it. I probably wouldn’t. I’d spend August wishing I was still sitting by the pool, drinking margaritas and reading trashy novels.

(This is where I want to die.)

Maybe it’s best I don’t have the summer off. Once I tasted that freedom, I’d only daydream away the hours, longing for a simple life where I could sleep in a hammock and live on grilled vegetables. But a gal can dream, dear overlords. You can’t take that from me.

Like this:

Remember when you were a kid and summer vacation stretched out like a long, sweet piece of warm caramel? Well, get over it. You’ll never have three months to do absolutely nothing EVER AGAIN.

But. While you might not be able to laze around the house in your jammies, eating cold cereal and popsicles until fall, you can still dedicate a significant amount of time to just being lazy. In this crazy world with its tech gadgets and social media invasion, putting yourself in time-out might be the best. thing. ever. I suggest you do it today.

(Sometimes you just need to sit on a fountain.)

Here are the best reasons to be lazy this summer:

1. To-do lists are bulls***. Remember when your mom gave you a list of chores to do every summer? Did you like it then? Nope. So why would you like it now? Throw out the to-do list and focus on the want-to-do list. (Disclaimer: this must involve eating at least one banana split each week.)

2. Hiding can be therapeutic. You don’t need to check out from reality for weeks at a time, but diving into a great book while eating strawberry shortcake is my idea of heaven. While I might be mistaken for a turtle as I burrow under a pillow, that’s okay. Turtles are adorable!

3. Being lazy heightens creativity. When you figure out how to refill your margarita without leaving the comfyness of your porch swing, you have accomplished a great task. Doing nothing opens your mind to all kinds of ideas.

4. It teaches you patience.It’s HARD to hold still. We fidget, adjust, move around and change positions all the time, usually because we’re amped on caffeine and sugar. Make yourself sit still. Listen to yourself breathe. Ignore your erratic brain telling you to “Move already!!!” After awhile, your mind backs down. If people judge you, tell them you’re not being lazy, you’re meditating.

5. You don’t miss out on the little things. Once you toss your to-do list, you suddenly have tons of time to do important things like play games, make homemade ice-cream, reread favorite novels, sit by a stream, listen to the birds, take your dog for an extra walk, look at the stars, watch the clouds roll by and plan an impromptu picnic.

Taking a few hours each week to just be lazy will make your summer feel more like a vacation. Just like when you were 10.

Like this:

There are people out there (yes, I’m talking to you), who love to discuss the waning days of summer; who anticipate the slow dimming of the sun as society returns to a state of hibernation. To these people, I say, “Shut the hell up.”

The only thing that gets me through stupid Utah winters, is the idea of summer. In January, I’m already counting the days until I can pack up my heavy sweaters and run around barefoot in the grass. I’m like the Olaf of Salt Lake.

(I’m totally cool with summer.)

But YOU. YOU can’t stop talking about pumpkin spice candles, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice lotions, pumpkin spice spice or any other fall squash-related products. Here’s a clue–IT’S NOT FALL YET!!!! Give me just a few more weeks of watching summer sunsets, wearing shorts instead of parkas, being eaten by mosquitos while I munch on gooey s’mores and walking Ringo without having to wear LAYERS.

Plus, it was so dismally rainy here in August that I’m pretty sure we should get a do-over for the past month.

(In the house. In the rain. In August.)

I’m working with local legislators to create a law banning NFL and high school football Facebook posts, discussions or games until after Sept. 22. As part of this law, it will be punishable to sell fall-related foods, clothing or craft items until the first day of autumn. (Hey, it makes as much sense as the majority of Utah’s laws.) There will be no Halloween costumes. No candy corn. No scarecrows decorations. No delightfully arranged fall centerpieces. NOTHING until summer is officially over.

Give me time to mourn the waning of warmth without your insane anticipation for the fall season.

(My daughter and grandson enjoy summer, too.)

My mind is simple. I enjoy simple things. A fresh peach, a handful of raspberries, a BLT with real tomatoes (not grocery stores knock-offs), the sun on my face–even a few more freckles on my shoulders. On the first day of fall, I will wake up with a deep sadness, but will look forward to autumnal traditions, including enjoying the beauty of the season.

Popsicles (Do you remember making ice-cube tray popsicles with Kool-Aid? I’d wrap the “popsicle” in a paper napkin that stuck to the cube, and I always ended up eating part of the napkin. Yummy!)

Grape-lime snow cones. (The drawback to eating Snow Cones from the ice-cream man: It’s hard had to bite them with my front teeth. It sends sharp pains into my brain. And as I’m eating the ice, the liquid leaks out of the cone and down my arms.)