REVIEW: McDonald’s Dollar Menu

To celebrate McDonald’s 50th anniversary, I decided to review a McDonald’s product for today. Unfortunately, they don’t have anything new out, so instead I decided to order everything on the McDonald’s Dollar Menu and try to eat it all in one sitting.

For those of you who are smart enough to avoid McDonald’s food, the Dollar Menu is a menu of items that cost only a dollar, but being that you’re smart enough to avoid McDonald’s food, you probably knew that already.

The eight items on the Dollar Menu are: A double cheeseburger, McChicken sandwich, small fries, small drink, hot fudge sundae, fruit ‘n yogurt parfait, two apple pies, and a side salad.

Eating everything on the Dollar Menu may not seem that bad, but consuming 2,455 calories, 107 grams of fat, 175 milligrams of cholesterol, 3,115 milligrams of sodium, 309 grams of carbs, and 152 grams of sugar can’t be a good thing, like being an 8-year old boy in a room with Michael Jackson.

As I waited in line at McDonald’s, I thought about the consequences of what I was about to do. I could increase my cholesterol count, have high blood pressure, gain a few pounds, or have really bad gas. After realizing this, I thought about walking out of the line and scheduling an appointment with my doctor to see if my body could handle this, or at least, pick up some Beano.

However, I said to myself, “Balls to the wall.”

Then I wondered if that saying even existed, but eventually shrugged it off and ordered my food.

I came away with five McDonald’s bags and as I drove away I wondered if it would’ve been safer for me to eat in the restaurant, just in case something happens. Oh, how I wish I had a medical alarm bracelet. “Help I’ve eaten three times the amount of McDonald’s food in one sitting than I should and I can’t get up because of my fat ass.”

When I got home and laid the food out on the table, a serious problem arose. Which food item should I start with? With eight food items there were eight way I could start, or as I decided to call it, eight ways to possibly get diabetes.

Since the hot fudge sundae was almost melted, I decided to start there. Oh, how I love the hot fudge sundae. Oh, how I wish I had a girlfriend to lick it off of. Oh, how I wish I didn’t sound like such a kinky freak.

I followed that with the not-so-fresh looking side salad, which could’ve been the healthiest item on the Dollar Menu if it weren’t for the creamy Caesar dressing I added. It’s sort of like eating a tub of ice cream while working out on your BowFlex or adding crack (pharmaceutical or anatomical) to your Kellogg’s Cracklin’ Oat Bran cereal.

The double cheeseburger and small fries were next, which was probably the best and least healthiest parts of the feast. I followed that with one of the baked-but-looks-fried apple pies. By this point, I was full, but took a few deep breaths and put my balls to the wall, finishing the fruit â€˜n yogurt parfait, McChicken sandwich, and small soda.

After that barrage of food, all that was left was the other apple pie, but my spider-sense told me that I should leave the apple pie alone for now. However, six hours later, that apple pie became my dinner. It was the only thing I had for dinner.

It’s been over 24 hours since my Dollar Menu feast and I feel fine. However, yesterday after consuming everything, I felt extremely sluggish for the rest of the day and just lounged around the house. But at least I now know what it’s like to be Kevin Federline, except without the boinking Britney Spears part.

So what would I do differently next time? I definitely won’t try to eat the entire McDonald’s Dollar Menu in one sitting. Eating that much food on a regular basis could turn me into one of those 500-pound freaks who sit on the couch all day, have other people wipe their ass, and need a whole wall ripped out in order for them to be taken to a hospital.

Also, I really wished I had bought some Beano.

So what have I learned? Nothing new, but this experience has made me swear off fast food…for a few weeks or when someone builds a Hardee’s here, whichever comes first.

31 thoughts to “REVIEW: McDonald’s Dollar Menu”

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Marvo, it’s a judgement call on the syrup depending upon how powerful the microwave, how full the bottle of syrup, and how kinky your partner is. However, I would say in general 30-60 seconds does the trick. If you’re feeling really adventurous, add some spray-on whip cream (thus adding the “cold” element, even though it isn’t ice cream cold.) And be sure to have laundry detergent available for later. Yahtzee!

about the beer at McD’s – i havent had it but i know here they have Munich’s brew. I dont know if that is what they have all over Germany. I havent tried it because if I drink a beer, it’s our city’s local brew, but Munich has the biggest Oktoberfest with the most beer tents, so their beer must not be too bad.

Webmiztris – If they weren’t so bad for me, I’d eat a double cheeseburger EVERY SINGLE DAY. Oh wait, that dude in Super Size Me eats a Big Mac every day, so I should be able to eat a double cheeseburger every day.

WOW Congrats on getting most of the items down in one sitting. Did you see the Supersize Me movie? That was bad well bad for the guy who did it becaue i thought he would die before the end of the 30 days was up. Anyway I am impressed that you could eat that much with out falling over dead yourself.

Dave – Try to be more original? Seriously, is Dave an original way to shorten your name? Geez, you’re just riding the coat tails of Dave Barry, Dave Letterman, Dave Stewart, Dave Matthews, and Dave Thomas. Why don’t you call yourself, Dav or Davy? Oh wait, not Davy, then you would be riding the coat tails of Davy Jones. Why don’t you shorten your name to Da? Or just the letter D, so that I can add in the rest of the letters myself. Maybe I’ll add -umbass or -ick.