LEAGUE OF STORYTELLERS

The Sims: How to make friends without Meetup (S01E02)

Nick Wayne can solve most of his problems easily. If he’s hungry, he eats. If he’s bored, he watches television. But what happens when he needs socialization? He talks, but who does he talk to without friends or family?

Socialization presented the first true conundrum for Nick. He’s new in town and, being a social creature, needs human contact to some degree. Nick is about four more hours of isolation away from going crazy.

When I needed peers, I used Meetup. It’s the simplest way to secure activity with people sharing commonalities. Meetup doesn’t exist in The Sims, so we have to do the next best thing: hit the town and talk to strangers.

It’s a crazy concept, but people don’t come to your house wanting to be friends.

Nick grabbed an Uber and went to a juice bar called Rattlesnake Bar. I have no idea what the fuck a juice bar is. Sounds more like a Smoothie King and less like a place to meet people. Turns out, I was right. Rattlesnake Bar was dead!

Nick left for the local park–also dead, but worse, its only inhabitants were minors. Had he stayed for 30 minutes, the police would’ve arrested him out of caution. And not just because he’s black. He’s running out of ideas. A strip club would be perfect right now, but this town shares the same philosophy as Sandy Springs. Then it dawned on him: there are always people at the gym.

Not all gym goers can stand around and chat, even though a lot of them manage to browse on their phones between sets, holding dumbells and benches hostage. But we can make acquaintances rather easily. Gyms provide plenty of conversation starters. Plus, if we go on the same days and times, we’ll run into familiar faces.

Nick stopped by the local gym to get a pump in. Since finding work, the day has been a bit tense. While using an all-in-one weight machine, he started a chat with Eliza Pancakes. Cute girl, dumb last name, probably got picked on a lot. It wasn’t a chat that necessarily went anywhere, but at least he got to socialize.

Things picked up when Bella Goth entered the conversation. Nick likes the ladies, so her appearance perked him up a bit as he got a little more playful and chatty. He did the usual conversation things: learning about her, cracking jokes, discussing recent television, all that jazz. It’s like Eliza stopped existing.

If a more attractive woman enters the picture, men instantly focus their attention on that woman. It’s disrespect to the woman we were originally speaking with and not a smart way to socialize. Social mobility shouldn’t be dictated by the who the hottest woman in a group is. Nick should’ve spent more time getting to know Eliza.

The universe intervened, however, and punished Nick for his crime. Some random-ass dude named Geoffrey cock-blocked him. That’s against the Bro Code. When a bro is talking to a girl, give him space to operate. Only hop in if the situation needs rescuing or the bro is in danger. Bella walked off while Geoffrey continued chatting. Nick walked away mid-conversation. Good for Nick.

At this point, Nick got in all the conversation he needed. The Sims hilariously understands there is a point where we’ve socialized so much that we don’t have the capacity to continue. Nick reached that point and went home.