Monday, November 5, 2007

Oh, what a good weekend it was. For one, the Bears did not lose,which means I can be happy. For two, Griese did not win so I can hate him even more! And for three, the entire NFL decided to stop playing run defense, something the Bears have been doing all season long.

-RUN FATTY RUN!!!!!

And if I wasn't in a deep depression over the Bears being in last I may have enjoyed this EVEN MORE.

-He still ain't Barry Sanders... yet. But Adrian Peterson is perhaps the most frighteningly good running back in the NFL since Barry. Oh, but only if he would have shown some of this talent in college, mayhap he would have been picked above #7! Wait, he almost (and should have), won the Heisman as a freshman? WELL WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! -Also, because I am in no way shy about tooting my own horn, I did say before the draft that AD was the #2 player available behind Calvin Johnson. BITCH.

-Oh yeah, and these guys did okay too, I guess:

Marshawn Lynch: 29 carries, 153 yards, 1 TD

Warrick Dunn: 27 carries, 100 yards, 1 TD

Joseph Addai: 26 carries, 112 yards/ 5 catches, 114 yards, 1 TD

Clinton Portis: 36 carries, 196 yards, 1 TD

Ladell Betts: 9 carries, 64 yards

Ernest Graham: 34 carries, 124 yards, 1 TD

Lendale White: 31 carries, 100 yards, 1 TD

Ron Fuckin Dayne: 21 carries, 122 yards, 1 TD

- Devin Hester is getting more pissed every second. Not only is he not getting kicked to, getting hung out to dry by Griese, and killing every woman he sleeps with because within his seed lies the presence of God: now his record is broken, too. Antonio Cromartie returns a kick 109 yards for a TD, and holy shit was it 109 yards:

make that 109 7/8 yards. This was really a double dipper for me, because if Antonio's last name represents the high school where Freddie Mercury, a purple gorilla, and a robot that thinks it's human attend: then he is one of my favorite players.

-Derek Anderson is acting eerily similar to Drew Brees when Philip Rivers was drafted, and I have a sneaky suspicion that it will end the same way, with Anderson being let go and the Ravens picking him up (the horror... th horror... for Browns fans...).

-----Power Rankings to come on the 'morrow, for now enjoy Devin Hester as we all do (and a pleasant reminder that Duke just CAN NOT tackle:COLLEGE

I am still alive and kicking friends, however, my laptop is completely fried and the stand in that I am borrowing for school work from my grandparents is probably somewhere between 1/50th and 1/10th as fast as my old one, and the sheer fact that it takes this damn thing 5-10 minutes just to upload a fucking picture makes posting on here a rather painful and time consuming ordeal. So, sans my usual pilfering of youtube and google images for humorous media, here is my college football roundup/thoughts of the week

Top 25 Results

Ohio State 38, Wisconsin 17Ohio State continues to be well-oiled, efficient, Big Ten epitomized machine, coming back in this game to crush the Badgers and continue to 9-0 and the inexorable death march to the national title game and their soul crushing defeat at the hands of LSU, which, now back at number two, will rise to the occasion to make Jim Tressel cry in his sweater vest. Next up for the Buckeyes? Team Powerthirst and Coach [Redacted], in a game in which Illinois will lead long enough to lose in a heartbreaking and soul crushing fashion.

Florida State 27, BC 17Boston College, at number two for all of a week and a half, managed to piss away any chance the ACC had at credibility, which is just fine with me.

LSU 41, Alabama 34Thank you, justice, for restoring order and placing LSU back in a slot for the national title game. Also, thank you for making sure Nick Saban lost this game in agonizing fashion. I had thought you had left college football this season, justice, but you show me you are alive and well.

Oregon 35, Arizona State 23Wellll, maybe justice has been restored. I hope upon hope that Ohio State loses to Illinois or Michigan and allows Oregon to slip into the national title game against LSU, because after watching this team and their amazing quarterback the last two weeks, I can only imagine that an LSU-Oregon matchup would be the most exciting title game not involving Vince Young in the last decade.

Oklahoma 42, Texas A&M 14I still maintain my stance that Oklahoma is the Big 12's Ohio State, and I think a Missouri-Oklahoma rematch in the Big 12 title game, or an Oklahoma-Kansas title game would be throughly entertaining in testing the mettle of this team and the entire conference.

Kansas 76, Nebraska 39Yeah, 115 points in one game, 76 of them dropped on the Saigon 1975esque republic of Callahanistan. This shit is getting ridiculous. Flee!

(seen outside the offices of Bill Callahan, Nebraska Football Coach)

Missouri 55, Colorado 10You can not hope to stop Chase Daniel, you can only hope to contain Chase Daniel. You're also likely to fail.

Georgia 44, Troy 34Why, oh Why, did Florida lose to Georgia last week? Now, instead of watching the force of nature that is Tim Tebow get another crack at LSU in the SEC title game, we're likely to see the defense that gave up 34 points to TROY be bent over the table mercilessly by the taffy loving LSU tigers.

USC 24, Oregon State 3Yeah, USC's still out there. But are they relevant to the national title game picture? Say it with me folks, you know you want to, a one, a two, a three, "FUCK NO"

Michigan 28, Michigan State 24Remember way, way way back in my first college roundup when I mentioned my fear that Michigan, despite its crushing defeats to App State and Oregon, would run the table in the Big Ten, end up in a BCS bowl, and expose forever the fact that the Big Ten is not a legitimate championship caliber conference? Prepare for mayhem, because barring Tressel beating Michigan again, it can, and will happen.

Texas 38, Oklahoma State 35Really, let me put the emphasis on this, I do not care, Texas, I do not care.

Connecticut 38, Rutgers 19Really? Good for you, UConn.

Florida 49, Vanderbilt 22Oh, what could have been, Tim Tebow, what could have been.

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