The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 1 March 2012

Rich Call For More And More And........

Five hundred entrepeneurs and businessmen have joined forces today to tell the government to get rid of the 50p higher rate tax band. In a letter to the "Telegraph" they have warned George Osborne not to chase popular policies to the detriment of rich people who are more important. We asked George Osborne for his reaction; "Popular policies? My policies are popular? Really?" Meanwhile Tony Stein, the owner of Canterbury Care and Healthcare Management Solutions, told reporters; "If the government scrapped the tax band I could afford to employ another twelve foreigners and illegal immigrants in my care homes at 2p an hour or, alternatively, a new golf bag - depending on how I feel. The most important thing is that I would feel more confident and be more inclined to allow poor people to eat out of my dustbin. This, I believe, will make for a fairer society and will add a much needed stimulus to my greed gland which has become somewhat flacid over the last year or so. I need more money to enable me to feel superior and massage my ego which, as I'm sure the poor will agree, is the best way out of Britain's problems."