Life Happens

Sunday, January 28

The Great Papon Hunt

For as long as I can remember my grandmother made me slippers which we call "Papons". I love my papons and when my they wore out she would make me a new pair. But as she got older she couldn't use her hands like she use to so my mom took over the job of "Papon Maker". She has made them for the entire family and many of my friends and their family members. Truth be told it isn't her favorite thing to do it hurts her hands after a while and so she stopped. I love mine and I wear then ALL the time. So when mine wore out I stole Rob's. It didn't need them any way. Well they have worn out. See for your self:

So I went to steel more...the girls hid theirs. I mean the nerve. So I went hunting...I found Lin's but they were too small. I found Alyssa's but they just didn't feel right....so I whined and cried and whined and cried to mom....who finally go sick of hearing me whine and cry and made me these:

What Happened?

I always have great plans for my week. I will get this and this done and organize that and that and everything will run smoothly next week. I seem to spend my days at times worrying about what I FORGOT to do that week. I honestly think it part of the reason my blood pressure last week was at 152/101. (Yeah I know) So this weekend I really meant it. I need a routine...better then what I have. I sat down the other night and made a list of how my life has been running and how I want it to run. Here is what I found:

I have been running my life on "Survival Mode" just trying to make it from one day to the next. Which I think adds to my stress and panic at times when I don't get everything I want done.

I wasn't putting enough effort into what I have here... I was wallowing in what I felt I had lost. Case in point my so called marriage. In reality I didn't lose my marriage I gained more strength and lost what was wearing me down. I actually made a list of the positive things he and I had over the last 5 years and you know I didn't lose much except the constant energy I was putting into trying to make sure he was happy. Meanwhile he put in zero effort and mostly self pitty.

I let my health go...so I have once again started to eat better and work out. I never realized how good I felt after TKD classes till I started back.

I was holding on tight to many fears. I really never use to do that. I always felt in some way the fate is fate and you can't change that. So I have gone back to living my life the best I can and not worrying as much as I use to about what might happen.

In my defense I was hit with one curve ball and one win. And both of these took up time that I didn't plan on. One was with Lin and some Mean Girls at school. Lin can hold her own but sometimes kids can't see the bigger picture because the think they are invincible .Of course we as adults know that no one is invincible. So I went and had a chat with the counselor at school. (Which by the way, helped me to realize how many people do love and care about us.) Then when Lin came home she told me she had taken my advice and gone to the counselor. Oh my, she is growing up! I was very proud.

The other was Alyssa being promoted. I only had 24 hour notice and once again it showed me how much we were loved and cared for.

I have been in my heart so broken about how he could just walk out on us. How he could just leave our beautiful, intelligent girls and how he could just no longer love me....and I have finally I think realized that in order to see the beautiful and love in people you yourself have to have that in you and I sadly feel now he doesn't. He has surrounded his life by the same type of people he is, and I didn't think he will ever really find happiness. He will continue to hide and never really face the truth of his unhappiness. So in reality he hasn't walked out on us... he walked out on himself....we were the only truly real loving people he had.

I think this week I have grown in many positive ways and gotten myself just one step closer to being on track. There is still the issue of my room and laundry. I just need a laundry fairy!

Thursday, January 25

Guess Who?

I am going to tell you about a conversation and you have to guess who I had it with. Before you read know I have a policy with the girls they each get one Mental day a quarter from school. I started this to stop the calling from the nurse faking sick and me having to leave work. I never say no to the Mental day but the rules are, you have to make up all your work, and you can't go out if you stay home for any reason. Mental days are to rest and regroup. It has worked so far and they don't always take their days. But it leaves the choice to them.

?: "Mom can I stay home tomorrow and use my Mental day? I don't feel good, and I am really tired."

ME: " Do you have a fever?"

?: "No but I am really, really worn out..."

ME: " Do you have a test tomorrow?"

?: "No but I just thought I could stay home and rest ...oh and can I go to the Teen Scene Saturday and skating tomorrow night?"

ME: "I thought you were tired?"

?: "I am that is why I need to stay home tomorrow."

ME: " Is there something I should know?"

?: "NO"

ME: "Yes you can use your mental day, but remember if you stay home you don't go out tomorrow night, and we made a deal last weekend for you to go to the sleepover...so no sleepovers this weekend"

My Little PFC

I would like to introduce to you my daughter the PFC. I received an email yesterday that said Alyssa was being promoted from cadet to PFC today. Parents were invited to attend and pin on rank. I was so proud of her and she was so proud of herself. Jeffery our TKD instructor and long time friend couldn't be kept away when he heard the news. It was so wonderful he came. It made Alyssa feel so much more special.

Saturday, January 13

Oh The Pain!!

I hurt...everywhere! I don't think there is a muscle I can't feel right now. I started back to Tea Kwon Do last week. It was great to be back with my friends there. They are the best, however, my body is not thrilled. When I say I hurt I am not telling tales...it hurts to walk, sit, stand, move or not move. On the bright side it did wonders last week for my stress level which was high last week. It helps me focus on the bigger picture and moving forward.

We are back to school. Work is good. I have to tell you I was dreading going back because of one child's behavior. It can be exhausting dealing with it and putting out the fires it starts with other children in our room...but in all they came back and are doing amazing. They are learning!!!! I am so proud of them all and the ladies I work with...I really feel we are in it together, work, our families...just our lives and I also have to say the staff at my school is just as amazing. They give me love and support that I so desperately need to move on. It just lifts me up and helps me to make each day just that much better. I count them all as a blessing every day!

I started classes Monday. One of them is a computer class....dear god I am in heaven!!! I love this class. Oh and I have brag on me a little here, in my last semester Child Development Class I had to do a Unit of Study. I did mine on the book "The very Hungry Caterpillar" By Eric Carle'. On Monday we were told to collect our books on the unit. I went in and mine was missing. Thursday my professor called to let me know she had held on to it so she could use it as an example in her next class and just needed my permission. She told me I had received a perfect score for a grade. I was so excited. It is nice when to be awarded a pat on the back like this when you work hard on something.

Well time to try and stand up. My ass hurts!!! I was laying in bed last night wondering if I had enough of those Icy Hot Patches to but all over my body!!

Wednesday, January 10

Ridiculous

The more he opens his mouth the more ridiciouls he sounds. I wonder how he does it?What I mean by does it is looks himself in the mirror daily. Someday all the lies he has been telling himself are going to catch up and he will have to pay the price.

Sunday, January 7

New Stuff

As you can see I had some time and created a new design for the blog. Does it make you need some hot coco and a fire?

Lots of new stuff in the house now that Christmas is over, the girls I think had a very nice holiday. We visited with my brother and his family which was awesome. I never realize how much I miss them till they are here and we are laughing like mad men. My SIL Julie shopped like a mad woman. I do believe she is hooked on Goody’s. They girls also had two WHOLE weeks with Rob's mother and grandmother. If I said they spoiled us rotten that would be an under statement. They are great people and we truly enjoyed the visit.

If I said it wasn't a bit strange for a little while I would be lying. Rob and I are not going to reconcile and the girls and I still feel the loss of him. No matter how much of a selfish ass he is he was a very important part of our lives. You feel the hole he left. On the other hand life went on very well with out him I do believe that means we are healing and moving on.

Papers are drawn up and soon to be delivered. I do think it is about to get ugly here. Send lots of prayers we can do this smoothly. I don't hold any hate towards Rob I just hope he stays ok because no matter what hell he has put me through he is still the girls father and they do love him. I am ready to move on and meet people and yes date. Easy I didn't say send me all your unmarried cousions to go out with! HAHAHA

I start classes Monday this semester is I hope an easy one. I really needed something that wouldn't stress me out like math did. I am here to tell you I am so freaking happy to be done with math!!! Can I get a WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!

We went back to work Thursday and had to go to in-service, let me just say what a waste of my time. I really won't mind going to them if they actually taught me something I needed. At least Friday we got to work in our classroom and really got some work done.

I sure hope 2007 is less stressful then 2006 was. I look back and wonder how the hell I made it.