2020 Dems Appoint Debbie Downer As Official Campaign Mascot

MIAMI – Following the Democratic Freak Show, uh, debate, last week, the DNC has appointed Debbie Downer to be the official face of their 2020 campaign. In fact, the negativity spewed by the debate participants makes Downer sound like Tony Robbins.

Debbie Downer was honored by the chance to be the image of Democrats everywhere. “It’s going to be so much fun, promising the American people all these things that can’t possibly happen. We’re going to feel so empowered! Of course, it won’t be as much fun when President Trump wins reelection in a landslide…no matter who our nominee is.” (Waaaah, waaaaaahhh)

Shiny Unhappy People

She continued, “This is going to be the sequel to Hillary’s triumphant run in 2016! Although, we know how that turned out. And it’s probably going to be one of those sequels that bombs at the box office, never should have been made in the first place, and makes you wonder who was in charge of casting.” (Waah, waaaaaaaahhhh)

Democratic hopefuls know the keys to winning the White House are anger, bitterness, resentment, hate, and pessimism. Because no matter how good life may be for you, it’s really much worse. You just don’t realize it.

Finally, Debbie urged everyone to vote in 2020. Then, wanting to end on a high note, she reminded us that the plague is making a comeback in America. (Waaahh, waahh)