I can't believe it's news!

NOGALES, Ariz. — Authorities in a southern Arizona city near the Mexico border have found two feces-covered bales of marijuana tied to a rope feeding into a sewer system.

Nogales police say public works employees hauled out an estimated 39 pounds of pot while investigating a clogged sewer line Wednesday.

Investigators told the Nogales International newspaper that the bales were smaller than the size of a suitcase and tied to 900 feet of rope in a narrow pipe that connects systems in the U.S. and Mexico.

Police Lt. Carlos Jimenez says it’s the first time they’ve discovered marijuana tied to a rope they believe smugglers were planning to maneuver through the line.

Police say a search at the Rio Rico sewer plant, where the feed ends, did not turn up more drugs.

The drugs’ street value was estimated at more than $20,000.

THE DEVIL YOU SAY

KINGMAN, Ariz. — An Arizona man is getting his pitchfork back after being acquitted of trespassing at a county supervisor's meeting.

The Daily Miner reports Mervin Fried tried to bring the farm tool into the meeting.

Mohave County Manager Ron Walker told Fried to leave his pitchfork outside. Fried was arrested when he refused and tried to enter the building anyway.

Judge Pro-tempore Paul Julien ruled March 5 that Fried was not guilty of third-degree trespassing.

The judge said officials did have the authority to restrict access to the building. But because members of the public with holstered handguns are allowed inside, denying access to the defendant because he had a "holstered" pitchfork was arbitrary, capricious and unreasonable.

THIS IS WHY BATMAN NEVER HAD KIDS

SCOTTDALE, Pa. — Police say a western Pennsylvania man left his sleeping 4-year-old son home alone while he went outside and pretended to be a ninja warrior.

Online court records show 28-year-old Ross Hurst, of Scottdale, has applied for a public defender but has yet to be appointed one.

The Daily Courier of Connellsville reports Hurst was charged March 3 after police found him outside dressed all in black and "playing ninja" on a borough street.

Police say Scott told them his mother was watching the child, but the boy's grandmother said he never asked her to babysit.

He faces a preliminary hearing March 30 on a charge of endangering the welfare of a child.

THIS IS LIKE A MAD LIB COME TRUE

AMHERST, Va. — A woman turned a few heads when she walked into a rural Virginia courthouse with a tiny monkey clad in a pink-and-white dress tucked in her bra.

The woman brought the palm-sized marmoset to Amherst County Courthouse on Thursday for a hearing in Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. Officials apparently didn’t notice the monkey until the woman went to an office to complete some paperwork.

In an interview with The News & Advance of Lynchburg, the woman said the marmoset is 7 weeks old and requires constant attention.

The woman told the newspaper she bought the animal on an online auction site and had its clothes specially made in West Virginia.

IT’S ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE $2 BILLION. SORRY!

HURON, Ohio — Ohio’s tax department says a promise that it would send a woman a $200 million refund check was a mistake due to a software glitch.

The Sandusky Register reports Denise Bossetti was among 9,700 taxpayers statewide who received Ohio Department of Taxation notices about mega-refunds. It’s not clear if the other amounts were as big as what Bossetti was told to expect.

The woman from Huron in northern Ohio was sent a letter dated Jan. 24 saying her $200 million refund could not be paid by direct deposit so she’d be sent a check.

Bossetti says she and her boyfriend had a “big laugh” over the letter.

The East Valley Tribune reports a resident inside the home heard the commotion of Trias becoming entangled in the hamper.

The owner of the home restrained Trias and was able to take him outside and call police.

Authorities say no property was taken from the home, but there was some damage done to the window.

It was unclear Friday whether Trias has legal representation yet.

REALLY, KISS? AND YOU ALWAYS SEEMED SO TASTEFUL IN YOUR MARKETING.

NEW YORK — A condom maker is taking the truism "sex sells" very literally.

A new line of the contraceptives puts advertising not just on the wrapper, but the latex itself.

Graphic Armor Inc.'s new Picture Condoms meet all FDA requirements and it claims they're the first to feature full-color images on the latex. They're starting with a condom branded with the rock band Kiss that shows Gene Simmons' tongue unfurled. Another Kiss version featuring bandmate Paul Stanley is slated for June.

Adam Glickman, CEO of condom retailer Condomania, says the creators are in talks with entertainment companies, energy drinks and designers to put logos and messages on the condoms.