Spoof news stories from February 2010

There were 1,485 spoof news stories published in February 2010. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

NATCHEZ, Mississippi - Kelly Clarkson, who was the very first American Idol winner, was in Natchez performing at a concert in The When Dem Cotton Balls Get Rotten Convention Center.
And as always the gal from Texas put on quite a performance. She...

Anyone hoping to log on to naked photographs of Welsh diva Katherine Jenkins is going to have to spend an awful long time on line, only to be disappointed because no such pictures actually exist - at least not in the public domain - as we can exclusi...

It appears that Vanessa Perroncel, the French lingerie model and official bedwarmer to the Chelsea football fraternity has been quite a naughty little minx who has been flashing her je ne sais pas at no less than five Chelsea footballers.
Which is...

Blushing Meadows - (Hawkeye): Just weeks after revealing to Spoof reporter queen mudder her nocturnal torment at the imaginary hands of grand slam ace Rafael Nadal, the Russian tennis star has spoken about her contempt at his steamy video with blond...

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has finally admitted that the whole anthropogenic global warming thing was a hoax, a simple joke designed to cheer up the world, which, it says, has become, "far too serious lately."
They apparently hi...

LOS ANGELES - Two of America's top female teen heartthrobs have just made an interesting bet regarding the Super Bowl between the Indianapolis Colts and The New Orleans Saints.
Miley and Selena, who are both 17, have always been avid football fans...

ANNAPOLIS, Maryland - Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 fame was in Annapolis speaking before a meeting of The American Mothers of Sextuplets Society.
Kate, who recently, had a $7,000 hairdo job done, was all smiles as she talked about her eigh...

HOLLYWOOD - One of the best kept secrets in Tinsel Town has just been revealed. Selena Gomez will be the new Hannah Montana when Miley Cyrus quits her role as the singing teen later this season.
Miley said that she is quitting the show because she...

International Climate Change Guru and multi millionaire Rajendra Pachauri is under fire again, this time in relation to his just published Romance Novel 'Return to Almora' detailing his many conquests while acting as a train conductor.
As if rece...

Vanessa Perroncel, the model at the centre of the John Terry Scandal, has spoken out today in a French newspaper interview, claiming that Mr Terry's penis is not as big as people would think, and "nothing to write home about".
Perroncel is the for...

BOMBAY - Two of the most famous directors in Bollywood, India, are Ashwani and Raheem Amanpreet. Together the brothers have won over 37 academy awards, 26 Emmy awards, and the president's award for penmanship.
The Amanpreets shared a win in last y...

Twilight Heart-throb Robert Pattinson, has just announced that he will NOT be signing up for the last instalments of the twilight saga, due to the "tension" on set. He claims that he and his co-stars, have too much bitterness among each other, and th...

Opinion appears to be divided over upcoming PS3 release 'Heavy Rain' making it either the greatest console game ever, or one long yawn fest, depending of course on who you choose to listen to.
David Cage, the game's writer has compared it to a goo...

Robert Pattinson was very upset last night when he changed his plans and unexpectedly went into "The Sack" and found his On/Off again girlfriend having a veggie sandwich with Twilight co-star , Taylor Lautner, according to witnesses.
"What are you...

After Hailey Grassman told several tabloids that her affair with Jon Gosselin came to an end because he had spent a lot of her money and had a three inch penis, Jon's latest quickly refuted that.
"Jon's penis is every bit of three and a half inche...

GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Aerosmith performed a concert at The Cowboy Britches Auditorium in Green River. It was the band's first performance without lead singer Steven "The Lipster" Tyler who has entered into a rehab clinic for second degree swollen li...

Zoo keeper Roy Schlemmer had no idea what he was getting himself into when he reported to work today at the San Jose Zoo.
The zoo, renowned for being on the cutting edge of safety, announced to employees early last week that today would be the day...

VANCOUVER - In a surprising incident, two of India's top Olympians, speed skater Raheem Kamal and snowboarder Amandeep Gurpreet have been suspended by their coach Darshann Maleeksaleek and forced to return to India.
The Indian coach said that he k...

Kristen Stewart acted swiftly today to absolutely deny internet reports which claimed that she was allergic to Robert Pattinson's penis.
The actor, Bella in the Twilight franchise to RobPattz's Edward Cullen said that she had an idea that the inte...

Miley Cyrus has apparently set seven rules for new beau Liam Hemsworth if he wants to continue to live with her in California.
"These are not my Dad's rules, these are mine", Miley told Hemsworth according to staff person we cannot name.
#1. Don't walk around the house in your boxers. Boxers come come open and dad could be dropping by s he lives here. Also, change the boxers at least once a...

Madison Square Garden was Kindle-ized yesterday, as the electronic readers from Amazon had the first of a series of one-day solidarity meetings to discuss common concerns. This time the concern was how to get gifts from their owners.
"Just beca...

Kristen Stewart has proved beyond all doubt that there is life after the Twilight franchise as she entered into discussions to play the leading role in a proposed new movie based around 1970's kids' action figure 'Stretch Armstrong.'
Miss Stewart'...

MELBOURNE, Australia - The number two seeded tennis player Rafael Nadal was photographed in a very cozy clutch with Colombian-born singer Shakira.
A friend of Nadal's said that the 23-year-old has fallen in love with the South American firecracker...

LONDON - The United Kingdom Commission of Northern Newspaper Publishers, which is based in Manchester, has just announced that its 73-member organization has overwhelmingly voted Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole as the winners of its yearly "Most Ideal C...

LONDON - Once upon a time in merry ole' England Cheryl and Ashley Cole were the land of Shakespeare's most popular and happiest couple, other than Charlie and Cammy of course.
But then the cold, frigid, British biting winter wind hit and it litera...

At first this was attributed to just plain old embarrassment. After all, Pluto was demoted in 2006, being told that he was just a "dwarf planet." Pluto's still blushing about that one. But further investigation by scientists has revealed the real ca...

VANCOUVER - The two stars of The Twilight Saga: New Moon spent their last day and night in Vancouver secluded in their $4,000 a day Canadian Snow Queen Hotel room.
The couple had earlier attended a Kings of Leon concert at Vancouver's General Patt...

HOLLYWOOD - When Great Britain's Cheryl Cole first landed at Los Angeles' LAX Airport she had a bit of a frown on her face.
Well after spending time with her very good "Friend" and "Confidante" Derek Hough, Cheryl's little frown quickly left the b...

HOLLYWOOD - Taylor Swift was backstage after The 52nd Annual Grammy Awards Show and she was posing with her four Grammys while dozens of photographers snapped her picture.
Suddenly one of the Grammys slipped out of her hands and crashed down to th...

CALCUTTA, India - Angelina Jolie has just has signed to star in the Candlelight Motion Pictures Company film The Panting Pink Panther.
Ms. Jolie will star with one of India's most famous actresses Aishwarya Rai who is regarded by many to be the An...

Hollywood actress and Twilight Star Kristen Stewart will play Hannah Montana actress Miley Cyrus in an upcoming biopic of recent Grammy winning country singer Taylor Swift. This information was according to Cheryl Cole, who said that she received th...

PITTSBURGH - Kate Gosselin, the Kate of the cancelled reality show, Jon and Kate Plus 8, was in town shopping for three washing machines when she was asked how she is holding up since her divorce.
The 34-year-old mother of eight replied that she w...

In a move that has surprised absolutely nobody, Girls Aloud "celebrity" wife Cheryl "he's like a brother to me" Cole is set to divorce her trophy husband Ashley Cole.
Cole made the announcement recently, after much speculation that her husband had...

Dubai - (Portents): An unexpected twist on the 'Mirror, Mirror, off-the-wall' soothsaying charm has seen John Terry's wife Toni gobsmacked yet again.
The Chelsea captain's wife has been consulting psychics ahead of a possible Valentines Day reuni...

The phonetic alphabet, popularised by the military, the police and by call centres has remained unchanged for several decades.
Up until now it has remained: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, Indigo, Juliet, Kilo, Lima, Mike...

Martians are appalled by the news that astronauts will, at some point in the future, be heading for their homeland. With an intergalactic wiretapping audio-visual device, a Spoof reporter was able to observe, and listen to, a conversation between tw...

The announcement of a Rolling Stones biopic by Hollywood has excited both the worlds of music and movies. Announcements of the stars drove fans even more wild to "Get No Satisfaction."
Johnny Depp will play Keith Richards in the biopic. Said Dep...

NEW YORK CITY - Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens appeared on Martha Stewart Living to talk about their movie, The Twilight: New Moon.
Stewart right away asked the young couple about their matching tattoos. Zac and Vanessa looked at each other and Van...

Grim faced NASA scientists called President Obama early this morning with the worst possible news imaginable. The gigantic UFO's circling the sun since January have apparently succeeded in turning the sun into a weapon of mass destruction. The firs...

Hammers slip into plop zone, Poopers cruise, Black Craps held - Manchester United returned to the top of the Premier Face Sitting League table in style as Pumpsmouth's problems went from bad to worse, while Manchester Shitty slipped up at Hull Shitty...

London - (Get-a-Grip): Desperately trying to emulate an already threadbare Michael Jackson routine vapid nonentity Cheryl Cole dazzled (sic) with a flaccid mimed performance at the Brits last night.
Even if it had been a lip-synch contest La Cole...

When the CEO of Sun used Twitter to announce (actually he did it through poetry!) his resignation, it started an important trend for human resource departments all over the world. Out are long, detailed memos to and from human resources. In are twee...

BEVERLY HILLS - John Gosselin, the Jon of the old reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 was in Beverly Hills visiting Dr. Max Boxfluff who deals in breast augmentation and tit enhancement.
Jon, the ex-husband of Kate Gosselin, was not looking to get an...

Once again pregnant Miley Cyrus has denied that she is pregnant.
"Every time someone sees me with a new guy, this same s*it happens. I have the life I want right now and I am not pregnant."
Miley is no Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan either, she...

Asley Greene or Alice Cullen in the Twilight movies says that she is definitely not pregnant and that she believes Kristen Stewart was behind the rumor.
"I don't see why she won't let down a bit. She seems jealous about all the attention I'm getti...

Kirstie Alley says she is sick and tired of reporters following her around to take pics for tabloids and publish their latest fat story, so she had finally had enough and ran naked through Central Park yesterday, nearly catching pneumonia.
"I-I-I'...

Taylor Lautner just turned 18 years old and what would be the perfect gift for the Twilight star?
Apparently Taylor Swift thought it was puppies...two wolf puppies!
"I only got permission from a zoo to give these to Taylor for his birthday", s...

Police in New York say they got a call in the middle of the night Sunday from a Mrs "Toots" Glamour, a former dancer and prostitute saying that she wanted an injunction against her husband, Hardon Privates.
"Hardon has driven me to despair because...

The ever escalating degree of confusion in the footballer's WAGs scandals of the last couple of weeks have now become so convoluted, unbelievable and impossible to keep up with that the MTTRU (Media Tittle-Tattle Reporter's Union) has considered lodg...

LAS VEGAS - Goodness, gracious. In the words of Mr. Hoover, Damn! Mr. and Mrs. Alex Reid hadn't even been married seven hours when they had their first spat.
It seems that Alex Reid and Katie Reid, formerly Katie Price, walked into a strip club ca...

LONDON - In an interesting development in the much-ballyhooed "Cole Cuts" saga starring Cheryl and Ashley Cole, a very reliable but unnamed source says that Cheryl has asked Simon Cowell to accompany her to the Brit Awards.
Simon who along with Da...

Oxford University in England is arguably the greatest seat of learning the modern world has known. Here, great minds have studied, and great statesmen, generals, leaders and all round nice guys have come out of this remarkable place throughout its no...

A Wierd Al Yankovic like parody of the song "Hey There, Delilah" has soared into the top forty and jumped to the number six spot in it's first week of release. Music experts say that "Hey There, Vagina" will probably grab the top position in the Top...

HOLLYWOOD - Sand Castle Pictures in association with MGM has just announced that they have signed Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens to star in the remake of the Warren Beatty - Faye Dunaway depression days outlaw classic Bonnie and Clyde.
Noted Italia...

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart took a flight to London yesterday after someone advised them to check TheSpoof.com and read the magazine article about the wise woman.
The Wise Woman lives in London in Trafalgar Square and feeds the pigeons...

It was all front page news last year when the story broke by the Australian tabloid, "The Weekly Snatch" saying that Kristen Stewart was pregnant by Robert Pattinson. Then it all blew over and the tabloid was discredited.
Now they are back and ins...

LONDON-ISTAN: Uneasy lies the balding head on which will rest the crown [of jewels stolen from India]- someday.
Pictures released on Thursday by a well-known royal rag show the 27-year old prematurely balding-blond Prince William with a thick hea...

"Replace me with a robot at Groundhog Day events? Don't be ridiculous!" Phil screamed today when he opened the newspaper and read the proposal by animal rights activists. "Who do those characters think they are? Efficiency experts who can push their...

In the latest dramatic development in the sex scandal to end all sex scandals I can exclusively reveal that French lingerie model and WAG extraordinaire Vanessa Perroncel has probably already called fellow WAG and Geordie chart warbler Cheryl Cole fo...

Zac Efron has beaten Joe Jonas's record for the shortest amount of time taken to dump a girl over the phone.
The star was said to be extremely jealous of the attention Jonas was getting when he dumped Taylor Swift over a 25 second phone call.

PENSACOLA, Florida - Taylor Swift performed to a sold out crowd at Pensacola's Orange Seed Auditorium. The audience gave her a standing ovation at the end and she provided them with three encores.
The concert promoters also gave her 15 bushels of...

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart visited Eskimos in Alaska yesterday as part of a plan to see if everybody in the World knew who they were.
After speaking to dozens of Eskimos in their Igloos it became quite clear in fact 100% clear Eskimos...

Though John Mayer is still embroiled in controversy over his use of a racial slur in a recent Playboy Magazine interview, Jessica Simpson added to Mayer's troubles by ending their relationship after his interview was made public.
Though Mayer coul...

Alex 'Rocky' Reid, the man who gets a buzz out of dressing up in women's clothing and fighting in enclosed areas (I'm not allowed to call him a cross dressing cage fighter any more, oh...wait...forget I said that) and Katie 'Jordan' Price, the horse...

New Yorkers got a shock today when they were treated to the sight of hundreds of Amazon kindles staging a protest in Penn Station. The electronic readers were angry with the talk of the possibility of increases in the prices of eBooks. They fear the...

A friend of Robert Pattinson says that three of them were with Robert Pattinson last Saturday night and that all four of them had "spent too much time at a bar, talking and eating boiled eggs and drinking beer.
"We honestly didn't know we were a...

HOLLYWOOD - Lady Gaga opened The 52nd Grammy Awards Show along with Sir Elton John. They performed the Elton John song "Tiny Dancer" and dedicated it to rap artist Lil Kim who stands 4 foot 3.
Lady Gaga and Lady Haha then performed a second song,...

The world has fallen in love with the hot dog ever since its invention. This is especially true in the United States, where the amount of hot dogs Americans consume in a year is measured in hundreds of tons.
However, thanks to the limp-noodle cult...

Chelsea and England full-back Ashley Cole was today left in a critical credibility struggle as certain unscrupulous publications ran raunchy text pictures allegedly sent to a glamour model, which depicted a headless man in his underpants posing in fr...

Internet confusion reigned Monday as Kristen Stewart announced that she would be starring in the upcoming Stretch Armstrong movie, apparently in error.
Taylor Lautner, her Twilight co-star is the one who is actually appearing in Stretch, as report...

After years of fighting over Brad Pitt who has been the partner of Angelina Jolie for several years now and who was once married to Jennifer Aniston, the two ladies seem to have made up.
A friend of Angelina's stated that Brad is always wanting to...

Well it seems that little old LiLo, aka Lindsay Lohan can just not get over being dumped by her ex-girlfriend DJ Samantha Ronson.
Lohan continues to pine for the person she calls, the woman of her dreams, the love of her life, and the munch*r of h...

Jimmy Hoffa, the former union leader and mob boss who disappeared under mysterious circumstances, had been found. It was long believed that he was buried under Giant's Stadium (a.k.a. The Meadowlands), but no body was ever discovered.
With the cu...

What a feeling! Our wires are buzzing with unconfirmed reports that Cheryl Cole spent her last night in LA alone with dancer Derek Hough - who without doubt will become tagged 'Dirty Derek' by the tabloids before the day is out.
So what were they...

CHICAGO - Country music's sexy singing sensation Carrie Underwood appearing on The Oprah Winfrey Show revealed that she was actually the fourth choice to sing the National Anthem at this years 44th Annual Super Bowl.
Underwood said that the NFL's...

LAS VEGAS - Catching everyone by surprise including themselves, Alex Reid, winner of this years Celebrity Big Brother and Katie Price, a glamour model have entered into marriage with a quickie wedding in the gambling capital of the world.
Katie wo...

Barcelona - (Hot Ass Mess): She's 33, he's 23 and they're virtually shagging on her latest vid Gypsy.
And what's more they're both in serious love relationships - with other people - when not mesmerised by eachother's heady pheromones.
On a scr...

Everybody knows that Shrove Tuesday is Pancake Day, but Catholic Church leaders are concerned that many people do not understand the origins of the day.
Also known as Mardi Gras (or Fat Tuesday, when translated using Google Translate), Shrove Tues...

I have fabricated reports that former Girls Aloud singer, Black Eyed Peas supporting act, and soccer wife, Cheryl Cole has declined approaches from fellow WAGS to represent them at times of controversy and sex scandal exposees.
As the alleged John...

LONDON - Tana Ramsay, wife of the star of Hell's Kitchen and Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Gordon Ramsay, was the fourth celebrity ice skater to be eliminated from this season's Dancing On Ice.
Tana, who was partnered with Stuart Widdal, seemed to...

LONDON - Derek Hough of America's Dancing With The Stars flew to Great Britain to choreograph and dance in X-Factor Cheryl Cole's newest video "Parachute."
Hough who is considered to be one of the best dancers in America remarked that he was surpr...

Rumor is that Robert Pattinson is afraid he's going to be typecast as a vampire and has taken on the role that help make James Dean a star in the 1950s.
Warner Brothers had bought the rights to the story some time ago but they knew that it would t...

MOMBASA, Kenya - The coach of the Kenyan Winter Olympics team, Moy Kusikatta, told a reporter for The Mombasa Daily Vine that contrary to what has been written in all of the world's major newspapers, the reason why the Kenyan team did not go to Vanco...

HOLLYWOOD - One of the producers of Dancing With The Stars Curtis Verflippet has stated that the upcoming DWTS season will not include professional dancer Lacey Schwimmer.
When asked why the popular 21-year-old had been axed Verflippet simply said...

HOT SPRINGS, Arkansas - Former American Idol Judge Paula Abdul was in Hot Springs to do the ribbon cutting honors at the grand opening of Cousin Cooter's Bacon Curing Shop and Tattoo Parlor.
Abdul told the assembled crowd of 52, or so that she had...

LONDON - Vanessa Perroncel, one of the world's most famous lingerie models has agreed to fill in as Sky News Host while Kay Burley takes one weeks vacation.
The 49-year-old Burley plans to take care of some personal matters involving some horses w...

American Idol champion and sexually confused freak Adam Lambert is the only person on the entire planet that actually liked K.D. Lang's version of "Hallelujah" during the Vancouver Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies. The equally sexually confused La...

CHICAGO - Lady Gaga finished performing a sold out concert at Chicago's How About Dem Cubs Convention Center and headed out to O'Hare Airport for her flight to her next concert performance at The Willie Nelson Smoking Is Allowed Auditorium in Austin,...

HOLLYWOOD - TGN, the Teenage Girl Network has just stated that they have cancelled the teenage girl show, We Were Just 17, after only airing four shows.
TGN vice-president of programming and scheduling Ellsworth Birdstoopski stated that although t...

Last night's reports of roving iPads shocked residents of California, including puzzled Apple executives who had locked the tablets in a warehouse and figured that they'd stay there until shipment to customers later this year. That's what they though...

Folks buying tickets for Riverdance at Radio City Music Hall in New York City were shocked yesterday to see six Kindles join the line for tickets. Amazon's electronic readers told their fellow ticket buyers that they love Irish music and dancing. "...

The 250 meter women's speed skating race was decided at the wire... by lack of an underwire. Swedish Olympian Ivana Phuque won the race at the Vancouver Winter Games by a nipple, because she was racing braless.
Official event judge Luther Steinma...

LOS ANGELES - Record producers Trevor and Yoshi Kitchenbit have just announced to the recording industry media that they have signed Taylor Swift, Tila Tequila, and Brenda Song to record the 1963 number one hit "Sukiyaki."
The song which was made...

Sarah Palin (R, AL) was caught naked in the early hours of the morning. Sarah Palin seems to like to walk around naked amid rumors that others have seen Palin naked on several other incidents but only made us aware after it came to our attention.

London - (Conspiracy Mess): London police are probing the death of a Saudi prince's aide at the Marylebone-based Landmark Hotel just days after a Mossad hit-squad was blamed for the Dubai killing of Hamas commander Mahmoud al-Mabhouh.
So far no sh...

Robert Pattinson & Kirsten Stewart are to make a new Movie version of Romeo & Juliet according to the latest news coming from Hollywood. The last well known version of Romeo & Juliet
was the 1996 Movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Clai...

Whoever came up with the term "Twi-Hards" for the actors and loyal fans is not appreciated by either, according to movie Insiders and a poll of fans.
"It's like 'Brangelina". I bet Brad and Angelina hated that term", stated one fan called in the s...

BEVERLY HILLS - American Idol judge Simon Cowell has not finally decided to say cheerio, arrivederci, adios, au revoir, sayonara, and bye-bye to bachelorhood.
The 50-year-old "Sultan of Sarcasm" has not revealed that he is tired of always going ho...