Parents: Don't let helping your children become hovering over them

As a small business owner, I occasionally have a tough day. It could mean anything from back-to-back speaking engagements, problems with my Web site, accounting issues or, as I dealt with recently, travel delays.

Should I have asked my mom to call the airline and blast them on my behalf, demanding they compensate me for my hassles?

I can't imagine doing that any more than I could have envisioned my dad calling Donald Trump a few years ago to say I was putting in quite a few hours.

Fortunately, my parents took great care to teach their children the importance of being independent adults. But not everyone learns the skill of independence.

In some cases, the parents of young adults are increasingly willing to become involved in their son's and daughter's careers, taking helicopter parenting to a new level.

I've heard stories of professors whose students' parents have sent threatening e-mails to challenge a grade, as well as employers who interview job seekers who clearly did not prepare their own cover letter or résumé.

At what point does supportive parenting become hovering, the kind that results in workers who are ill-prepared for the rigors of the working world?

PARENTS' PLAYBOOK

Career counselor Barbara Cooke, author of "Parent's Guide to College and Careers: How to Help, Not Hover," offers some sound advice: "Keep in mind the difference between guidance and control. Guidance is helping your child get firsthand information about the opportunities that are out there. Control is doing the research yourself."

The best steps parents can take to prepare their kids for the working world can start early in life. Children typically thrive in a loving and supportive environment that includes one critical concept: structure. It's important to set up a worldview grounded in reality. This includes demonstrating the importance of being dependable and punctual.

It should also include failure. Children need to know they're not immune to making mistakes, losing or failing. Most career success stories include at least one notable misstep. These are the experiences that refine us. Young adults with insufficient experience handling disappointment will be in for a shock in the workplace.

EMPLOYERS' PLAYBOOK

Should you find yourself working with someone whose parents are very involved in their career, the most important move is to treat this employee like the adult they are by making it clear they'll be solely responsible for themselves.

This may have to include a conversation in which an employee is made aware that parental hovering is generally inappropriate.

When it comes to the daily pressures or ups and downs of work, it's healthy to accept support, but to chart your own course. That's a good place to be.

Your Money columnist Carolyn Kepcher, author of the best-selling business book, "Carolyn 101," and the upcoming "Work Her Way," is the former "Apprentice" star who thrived working for one of America's toughest bosses. She's now CEO of Carolyn & Company Media (workherway.com), an enterprise created by and for career women.