Well, it’s May and you know what that means, Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Each year, one day in May is dedicated to those of us who are married to a service member who is selflessly serving or has served this great nation.

Some places will have sales, special gifts, and some military oriented organizations, such as the USO or MCCS, will put together an event to show their appreciation for what we do behind the scenes. Here is a sample of Military Spouse Appreciation Day events at bases around the world.

But sadly, it seems that year after year, the organizers of Military Spouse Appreciation Day events forget that military spouses include men.

I went to a military spouse event when I lived in Jacksonville, Fl. My wife was TAD for a month in Kentucky so I figured “what the hell, I’ll go check it out.” I drove the 45 minutes to the Veterans Memorial Arena and walked in.

I walked out 10 minutes later. “What a waste” I thought to myself. Don’t believe me?

Through a partnership with the Greater Jacksonville USO, more than 800 Ann Taylor dresses were given out free of charge. Source: WJXT News4Jax

Sorry USO, but you fell way short on that event. I didn’t go the following year.

I asked the guys of Macho Spouse what they thought of Military Spouse Appreciation Day and, well, they were honest.

“Why not call it what it really is, military wife appreciation day,” said one male military spouse. “How are they supposed to get men to come to these events if all they hand out is women-themed gifts?” said another male military spouse.

“I always forget that there is a thing until my wife says something, usually a couple days later, ‘hey the other day was spouse appreciation day. So, thank you!’” said another male spouse.

Yes I am sure we can make use of the female-oriented freebies but that is not the point. If you’re going to make an event “all-inclusive” then make it “all-inclusive.” Having an event filled with feminine-themed products and giveaways and then calling it a spouse appreciation day is about as far from the truth as you can get.

Even the flyers and posters they design prove my point.

Why Not Call Military Spouse Appreciation Day What It Really Is — Military Wife Appreciation Day Mixed With Mother’s Day!

You want guys to feel included? Why don’t you actually have things that I don’t know, guys would like? I’d be more than happy to get a growler of a local brewery’s beer or some grilling tools or even a gift card to a sporting goods store such as Bass Pro Shops.

“How about a bottle of whiskey?” suggested one male military spouse. “We aren’t that hard to shop for,” said another male military spouse.

“There isn’t anything I can do with a free Ann Taylor dress except make about 20 shop rags out of it” I told someone. “But you can give it to your wife” someone said.

This is how it would go, “Hi honey, I got you a free dress because it’s Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Hope you like it!”

You can only hear that so many times before you just give up. Why try when no one else seems to be?

Dave Etter, a male military spouse and one of the moderators of Macho Spouse, was interviewed a while back along with Chris Field and they were asked about Military Spouse Appreciation Day. Here is what they had to say.

Often Military Spouse Appreciation Day events are tied together with Mother’s Day events. As you can tell, there clearly is a disconnect here.

Even though I am writing this before Military Spouse Appreciation Day, I can already tell you what my fellow male military spouses and I will be doing. We will be toasting each other, via Facebook, with a glass of our favorite drink of choice.

Another year and still, nothing has changed. Cheers fellas!

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an emergency medical technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

3) replied with “I’m not a lady so I guess you don’t want my advice on your problem”

I do a combination of the three and so do other male military spouses. Why? Well, because that is what guys do.

It happens all the time. Most military spouse Facebook pages/groups have changed their description from a military “wives” to a “spouses” page/group after a request from one of us.

I messaged the admins of one military wives Facebook page about it, since they are a “multi-branch organization made up of Spouses, Girlfriends and Significant others of Military Personnel,” and the reply I got was “let me talk to our CEO but the branding came years ago before Facebook. Give me 10 minutes.”

Well, that was September 1 and I am still waiting for a response. After looking at their page description recently, it hasn’t changed but, they are “an organization that supports Female/Male Spouses and all Family members covering all branches of service.”

I was told I can join and be the male voice or I can create a group specifically for the male spouses of that particular area.

Now what good would that do? Aren’t we all supposed to work together and help each other out? I didn’t join their group, nor will I because it has already been made known that this is a “wives” group and yeah, men can join but would it really be worth it?

I wonder how many other male military spouses have seen this group but were turned off after reading the name and description of the group.

The days of the military being only something that men do while the wives stay home and take care of the household are long gone. More women are joining the military in ALL fields and with them comes male military spouses, female military spouses and their families.

What’s the difference between a male military spouse and a female military spouse whose service members are in the same unit and on the same deployment? Do the female military spouses not have bills, child care questions, yard work, car maintenance, and other similar things that male military spouses have? Maybe each other’s kids would like to interact with other kids whose parents are out defending our freedom?

I don’t have kids but when my wife deploys, I need some adult interaction! I love my dogs and all but they don’t talk much and can’t carry on a conversation. They only “talk” when the postal worker drops off a package or they see a deer in the yard.

Other than that, it’s pretty quiet around so having some sort of local spouses group to be a part of would really help out in the socialization department.

So the next time you post a question in a military spouse Facebook group, please take into consideration who is in your audience. Because we might have a solution to your question too.

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an Emergency Medical Technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

As military spouses, certain aspects of our lives are reinvented every few years. We can take the recommendations of shaking up our daily routines from the talking heads on television in stride. If you are in the midst of a very negative situation or dealing with toxic or bad behavior then these comments are certainly not geared toward such situations.

Instead the masses would like us to set a stereotypical goal of going to the gym every day. Sure, the first few days are great but those lofty ideals fall victim to the challenges of life; and we know those unique stressors line up to greet us every day. With such staggering statistics from sources like Business Insider; 80% of all resolutions don’t last through February.

We need to change how we look toward the future and see the value we’re bringing into the New Year already.

Here are my 3 goals for 2018.

I will continue to embrace the fact that I’m not perfect and that sometimes life is really out to get me; and that is OK.

I will continue to bask in the chaos which comes with being a stay-at-home parent. After all, my kids will eventually leave the nest so I’ll cherish the good and bad days equally. Because I know that sooner, rather than later, I’ll miss them terribly.

Lastly, I will keep focused on the fact that as a military family our success will be made as a team. My wife and I can conquer anything but only if we keep working together.

My goals above are not anything out of the ordinary from the very ideals we all hold near and dear to our hearts. All of us are trying to do the right thing for everyone around us.

Give yourself some much-needed credit and walk into the New Year head held high, shoulders back and ready to do the same great things you succeeded at last year.

But before you do that take a bow for a job well done in 2017!

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

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How do we build a solid marital foundation to avoid becoming a statistic of divorce in the military?

Here’s what I’ve learned after many years as a military spouse. Studies show divorce within the ranks has fallen slightly in recent years, yet it has touched many of us personally or we know someone who has weathered that storm.

As marriage retreats, counseling and support programs attempt to provide an outlet for married couples to strengthen their foundation to survive the endless list of problems which can arise while on active duty, the responsibility rests on the couple to make it through life’s challenges. These programs, as terrific as they are, can only build upon the foundation the couple has.

My wife and I have been married for 17 years and we have heard that communication is the secret to marital bliss. Whenever that magical word would come up she would giggle and whisper that this seemingly simplistic concept would require me to do whatever she said. We both still get a chuckle out of that notion when it’s brought up because communication is far more profound and complicated than that.

There are books and workshops that can help military couples along the way. Whether you look in to “The 4 Seasons of Marriage” or “The 5 Love Languages” both by Gary Chapman, “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley Jr., or any of the countless literary sources out there, one core tenant resonates across the texts — couples need to engage with one another about everything.

As a married couple you are trying to constantly find common ground for 2 completely unique people. You both have hopes and dreams for your future together, so talk about them, look ahead together and nurture your partnership daily.

Communication strengthens trust.

Long hours, longer and more frequent deployments, and an unpredictable work environment tests the faith we have in one another.

The only way that bond can stay strong is discussing your life decisions together. Both spouses and service members need to share in the ups and downs.

Let’s be honest, the world is a busy place and we as spouses sometimes see the world differently than our service members. However when “they” say it’s time to change jobs, deploy or PCS always remember to keep your faith in one another. Understand that these stressful events are beyond your control and use that acceptance to bring you closer together as a couple.

The most important aspect of not becoming a statistic of divorce in this crazy military lifestyle is work. My wife and I have gone through our fair share of difficulties and have welcomed the opportunity to attend marriage retreats. Marriage retreats are terrific and can help inspire you to really look into your relationship.

During one of the workshops the leader of the session made a statement that rang true to me. The notion of “falling in love” is usually the beginning of how couples meet. That euphoric feeling where everything is perfect in the world.

Well I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but if you don’t work at your marriage that feeling of blissful intoxication won’t last.

To fall in love is easy.

To stay in that level of love is a challenge.

We all change over time so finding and maintaining that connection as a couple is key. As you think back to how your adventure as a team started, remember how much effort you were willing to put forth when you were dating. That level of energy should always be there.

None of us ever want to stop showing our loved ones how much they mean to us, we just have to remember where our priorities are when life begins to pick up speed.

Always try to take a moment, and be spontaneous to remind not only yourself but your spouse how much they mean to you. These moments don’t have to be extravagant. It could be a lunch date or a quiet walk around a park. The key element is it’s just the two of you, just like it was in the beginning.

Marriage is wonderful, rewarding work, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Some days are easier than others, but if you want to out last the storm of life you will need to roll up your proverbial sleeve and get your hands dirty.

Eric Gardner was raised in a military family and lived around the world. Following in his father’s footsteps, he joined the U.S. Army as an Infantry Officer. Since the end of his wartime service he has shifted gears and is now a stay-at-home father. In his role as an active duty Army spouse, he has become an author. As the creator of the XIII Legion Series he has enjoyed great success, and enjoys meeting other entrepreneurial spouses as well as fellow authors . You can see more from Eric Gardner at his Facebook page: www.facebook.com/thirteenthlegion.series, and http://www.facebook.com/XIIILGN or follow him via Twitter @13thLegion.

“So…not to worry you but I have a soft tissue injury to my right ankle. I’m OK.”

It was our 13th wedding anniversary, and my wife was TAD in Jericho, Vermont, participating in the second half of Mountain Medicine Training. Successful completion would result in her receiving the Diploma in Mountain Medicine (DIMM) and we expected this training to be a repeat of her first TAD: exciting for her but otherwise uneventful.

But this one turned out to be different, for both of us.

Suspecting that she was downplaying her injury, I asked “How’d you do it?”

“I kinda slid 30 feet down steep terrain and got stopped by a tree.”

“Ummmmmmm ‘kinda’?”

I knew at that point that she was definitely downplaying her injury. We have been married long enough that I know how she works when she is ill or injured.

The rest of the day my mind was occupied with “How she is doing? What is the actual extent of this injury?”

I knew that she was in good hands so that was comforting and that they wouldn’t let her injure herself anymore than she already was. The not knowing how bad her injury was was the hard part. But she got an X-ray and remained in Vermont.

The next day I texted her asking how her ankle was. “It’s OK with some Motrin,” she replied and that she was sidelined for the day to let her ankle rest. The next morning I asked how her ankle was and said that I was concerned about it and her.

That was when she sent me a picture of her ankle.

I cannot type the words that came out of my mouth when I saw that photo. My concerns were confirmed. What I was looking at was NOT a soft tissue injury. There had to be some sort of fracture and/or torn ligaments and tendons. The last time I saw bruising like that was in a trauma unit at work when someone blew out their knee. It wasn’t pretty by any means.

I was at work that day so all we could do was a quick FaceTime call and we talked about it and that I knew that it was worse than expected. She asked me why I was upset. It’s not that I was upset.

It was that I had never been put in this type of situation before.

She hasn’t deployed yet either so in a way, I am glad that this is happening now while she is stateside and coming home in a week.

“This is training for both of us” was my response.

After a couple more texts, I began to calm down and regain my composure. Now that I knew what the true extent of her injury was, what she was doing about it and what the plan was, I returned back to my normal thought process and it didn’t bother me for the remainder of her training.

She returned home safely and we went from the airport to the hospital to get a full exam. Turns out she had fractured her Lateral Talar Transverse Process bone. It’s a small bone on the end of the tibia and it is most commonly known as “the snowboarder’s fracture.”

So after walking on it for a week, it actually did some good by rounding all the fragments down so that healing can start. No operation needed! She was put in a cast for 2 weeks and was issued a scooter.

During the time between seeing the photo of her ankle and the time I picked her up from the airport, I thought about what if something like this happens while she is deployed?

How do I want to receive potentially bad news? Who do I want to hear it from? Who do I trust and whom do I not trust when it comes to such information?

I asked the guys of Macho Spouse if they have anything in place for if something like this was to happen and if they did have anything like this happen to them. Doug Nordman of The Military Guide, said that when it came to news like that from his wife they agreed on “tell me all the bad news now so that I can start dealing with it.”

Another male military spouse said that they have agreed to “play down the issue” until they are back together. Then they spill it all to each other.

“By that time, bones have healed, feelings have died down, and it’s more a matter of facing the fact of how much we have kept from each other because we were idiots. And then we do it again the next deployment wondering why the hell we never seem to learn.”

Another male military spouse had a much different experience. The communication between his wife’s command and medical was horrid and they actually lost her for some time because she was grounded halfway through transport. When they gave her a phone card, it only called the United States and they were stationed in Korea. So, she had to call her mother and then her mother had to call her husband and then he relayed that information to her company. His suggestion was to soak in the SOPs so that when things go south, you know whom to contact.

My wife recently had her 2-week check-up and the cast was removed and placed in a walking boot and we have added a set of crutches to her repertoire.

She also returned to work. You would think that with an injury like that one would be sidelined for 2 weeks right?! Nope. Not my wife!

Sean P. O’Driscoll is an Emergency Medical Technician and has been a military spouse for 6 years. His experiences in military spouse groups lead to his decision to start writing as a military spouse. More of his writings can be seen at militaryspouse.com.

Today is Military Spouse Appreciation Day and my newsfeed is filled with the most beautiful tributes to the men and women behind the men and women who serve our great nation.

I’m blessed to have a village full of these amazing folks. They’re so very worthy of praise.

But my village is large. And it’s also full of people who don’t get this recognition, even while they too have given their time, done their part and played on our team. Here’s to all of us.

Here’s to the widows and widowers. Those who have handed this country their very hearts and paid the highest price for service. Those to whom we are so incredibly grateful and yet so quick to avoid in the name of “I don’t know what to say.”

Here’s to the same-sex spouses. Those who have only recently received the legal protections for their relationships but still fight for the benefits and compassion that the rest of us take for granted.

Here’s to the retired spouses. Those who “put in their time” right by the side of their serving spouse. And those who, with one retirement ceremony, feel “put out to pasture” or “no longer relevant.”

Here’s to the former spouses. Those whose marriages did not survive the cost of service. Those raising our military babies. Those who may no longer hold the title, but are still enmeshed in this community.

Here’s to the boyfriends and girlfriends. Those who know what it is to love a service member, to kiss him/her before sending their heart onto a plane or into a battlefield. Those who know the missing and the worry but don’t have the benefit of “formal recognition” for their status.

Here’s to the NextGen MilSpouses. Those who are in the thick of it. Those walking the walk and talking the talk. Those blooming where they’re planted but prepared to be uprooted at any time. Those who love it and hate it and don’t know how they’ll survive it but thrive in the midst of it.

Here’s to us all. Each of us who knows what it is to agree to be second to a love of country that comes first.

Tell us your job title/profession: Real Estate Agent

Is this full-time, part-time, hourly, contract or freelance work?

How long have you been working in this career field?

Do you work in an office, telecommute from home (or Starbucks), or a little bit of both?

I work in my office at home and go to our office

How did you get this position? Was it a resume, referral, job fair? Spill your magic.

Had to go to real estate school. Pass State and National Real Estate exams to get licensed.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced while trying to maintain a career while living the military lifestyle?

My wife’s job comes first and we have 3 children so my job has to be flexible enough for me to be able to take the kids to school and pick them up from school, take them to sports practices after school, make lunches, cook breakfast, get them all ready for school and help with homework. Throughout the years I’ve even coached many of my kids’ sports teams.

Tell us one thing you love about your job.

I love working with people, especially other military families.

Over the past 20+ years we’ve moved over 10 times so I know what they are going through, so helping them find the perfect house in a timely fashion and save them money doing it is a real pleasure for me.

I work with a lender that will get veterans 100 percent financing and pay all of their closing costs. We even get a free 1-year home warranty thrown in. It’s a fantastic deal! I’m getting veterans into beautiful homes for as little as $500 up-front.

Share your best life-hack for saving time or sanity during the work week:

A pedicure.

Do you and your spouse or partner split household tasks? How do you do it?

Yes, I do most of the cooking, cleaning and all of the bill paying.

She helps with homework (she’s a lot smarter than I am, lol). She’s a wonderful wife and mother!

If you have children, how do you and your spouse or partner split parenting responsibilities?

My wife and I communicate real well with this. We plan ahead to make sure that the kids’ needs are met.

It isn’t easy but we’re proud of how we’ve raised our 3 children. Military life is not easy on them. Having to move every 2 to 3 years can be difficult on children but ours have handled it extremely well. They adapt very well and make friends easily.

Tell us one piece of tech you couldn’t live without:

iPhone

Favorite app for making the most of your day?

Must-have song on your productivity playlist:

Eye of the Tiger

What is your No. 1 tip for a military spouse on the hunt for a job?

Use all the resources available to you. Go to the nearest base and get help if needed, there are great resources on most bases for helping spouses find local jobs. I’ve found some great jobs through these resources. Also local job fairs are very helpful.

Are you a working military spouse? Do you want to share your career tips and tricks? Fill out the MilSpouses Who Work It Q&A today.

Last week we published, Challenge Issued: Calling All Male Military Spouses, and we couldn’t be more pleased about the response we got from our male military spouse community. Not only did we get some brave guys to share their thoughts in the comments, we got several emails from male military spouses who are more than willing to join our writing team, huzzah!

Until we unveil unleash unique pieces direct from the brains of our milspouse brothers, here’s a few of our favorite responses to our all-call for testosterone-infused military spouse stories.

On being a male military spouse…

As a male spouse, it is fun to “crash” those teas and coffees and mock-dine-ins – anything that historically been girlie. Face it, since we are only 7% of the spouse demographic (ok, maybe 8% this year), catering to the beefier side of a marriage may be too much, and scare away the shy young teen wives. Leave your frilly fun times the way they are, we guys will find things to do. With beer maybe. Definitely with sports. ~Dave Etter

Just like being any other sort of spouse, I guess. With obvious wrinkles, of course. But there’s no secret handshake or hidden ‘no girls allowed’ clubhouse within our emerging ranks. As far as you know. ~ Christopher Field

Well being a male spouse is different. I find myself hanging around soldiers more than I do around spouses. It’s easier to break into a group of soldiers through a poker night or a good old strategic gaming night. Whenever I move somewhere new I try my best to get into the community. Last time I helped grow a non profit in the community and joined the chamber of commerce. This time I found a once a week gaming group and hang out with a bunch of scouts and tankers. I find the easiest way to survive is through immersion. ~ Christopher Hillman

I do appreciate all the efforts that have come down to change things to gender-neutral “spouse” labels, it does my heart good. But for you guys out there who haven’t taken the plunge, it is a royal BLAST swimming in the sea of estrogen at spa-days! ~Dave Etter

I love the travel and I love learning. I love that I get to be a renaissance man. I’ve been a sous chef, worked logistics, ran my own non profit, seen backroom politics, been in two parades, joined a few symposiums… I’ve wine tasted, log rolled, had a sing along with Ben Lee…~ Christopher Hillman

On what they hate…

Almost all the spouse support groups are explicitly for “wives” or female spouses, so it’s hard to connect and have that resource to help me out. While I haven’t started my physical transition to become male-bodied, I have socially transitioned already. It’s not secret nor could I hide that I am a male spouse, and the female spouses all treat me accordingly: they don’t like my presence at their little get-togethers (in part because I am a guy, in another part because I’m transsexual and there’s a stigma about that in our society, especially the military). ~Gene Dillion

The things I can live without are the constant job changes, the need to adapt to a more domesticated role and come down from my raised 50s point of view. Its hard when your taught to be the bread winner and to fit into the stereotypical family man. With a masters in Public administration, a bachelors in business management and years of experience it’s hard to just be a low level clerk as well. ~ Christopher Hillman

On what female military spouses can do to help our male military spouses out…

…we have one HELL of a time figuring out how to potty train daughters. And we know you gals struggle with not sissy-fying your sons – let’s work out a schedule. You take mine for a couple of afternoons when our soldiers are deployed, and I’ll take yours! Kinda like a Big Brother/Big Sister thing, only with the stuff we are not singularly equipped to succeed at. ~Dave Etter

On their spouses…

My wife’s schedule currently is over 60 + hours a week , she is leashed with a pager when not at work and time alone is scarce. I try to do most of the house work and day to day things. I budget the monthlies, watch the kiddo and do most of the domestic stuff. My wife in turn plays bread winner. Lately we have taken to a poster board on our bedroom wall. It reminds us of upcoming events and activities we look forward to. ~ Christopher Hillman

I find myself saying ‘Yes, Ma’am’ a lot. ~ Christopher Field

Are you a male military spouse? Are these guys speaking your language? Show them some love in the comments below!