Hi Jasmine - Wow, you sound so much like me! I too take pain meds for a legitimate pain problem and have a major problem taking them as prescribed. I've been on a variety of pain meds for the past five years. Up until about a month ago I was on vicodin. At that time I was taking way too much and talked to my doctor about it. He put me on methadone. Which I have also had trouble with. The main reason is that the methadone actually gives me that buzz that the vicoidin USED to before I got so immune to it. Personally I think my doctor has me on too low a dose of the methadone... but I have to wait til December and my refill to talk to him about it.

Tapering is a good way to go... but it is hard. You could also look into methadone to get yourself off the opiates. You also may be able to get down to a low dose of methadone and stay on it for your legitimate pain as well. But I really do recommend having someone else hold your meds. As an addict, for me at least, the hardest part is the mental urge to take extra, not the physical. I know you feel it will be embarrassing to ask someone to do this for you. But if it's what you need to do to start feeling good again. You could also check out a local methadone clinic. Check out some posts by TCHRIS. She and and fiancee are both on methadone maintenance for opiate addiction. They seem to be doing pretty well with it.

I know how awful you feel because I am goign thru the same thing. Right now I am trying to wean waaaaay off the methadone (no choice almost out and the script isn't due til 12/7) and my hope is that by the time I get my meds maybe I won't want them as much? Or need them as much. I am definitely planning on giving them to my brother to distribute. I was going to do that last time...but I did okay on my own for a couple of days and thought it was all fine.... well, it didn't turn out that way. I really hope that you can find someone that you trust enough to distribute your meds to you. It sounds that you, like me, need to have the "control" of the meds in someone else's hands. I know you mentioned you husband... does he take HIS meds as prescribed or does he have trouble with that too? Just wondering since if he has the same problem he definitely shouldn't hold them for you.... just trying to brainstorm for you!

Please keep posting. I have found this board to be a godsend! I found it by accident and it has really changed my life. I don't feel so alone anymore and that is such a good feeling. It helps me build strenght every day I am on here... - Tina