I'm on a journey with a set destination. Heaven! I want to journey well and bless those traveling alongside me. I don't want to sit - I want to make progress - everyday. But I know, I must feel the brush of His Robes, or I'll never make the climb. This blog will chronicle my journey, but more importantly, it will share my moments of reaching for the Robes of Christ.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Brokenness --- finding a new way in and old wave

Part 1 – it happens... things get
broken

She shared words that were hard in
coming. Words that told a story she wished had never been written. I
said in the softest flow of air, “You can't stop what's happened,
but you can choose a different ending than the one you're in now.”

No vase would choose to be shattered.
No heart asks to be broken. And when things break, the world would
say it has been ruined. It is useless, it is finished.

But the world is wrong......... again.

Because the One who is above all things
looks at that same brokenness in a wiser way, with a keener eye. He
says He can bring beauty from a pile of ashes --- He can bring
streams of water in the desert --- He can take what seems ruined
------------- and make it------ new.

It's the way of brokenness.

Few will invite it to come. Most refuse
its approach. Usually we have no choice.

So rather than allow it to complete
it's work in us, we fight it --- deny it ---- medicate it ----- run
from it.

When we've known the hammer blows of
personal brokenness, and lived to see the smoothing out of something
rough in us, then we begin to understand it.s importance. But until
we've known its effectual work, we struggle to sit still in its
unsettling presence.

It's one of the huge differences
between living in a first world place and a third world place. The
contrast is stark. In a third world environment, there are few ways
to escape the “thing” that is working to break you. You have no
option, you can't simply go to another place and begin doing a
different thing. Need and hunger hold you still. But in a first world
place, there are options, choices, ways to get away from the thing
that is pressing down. You can pick up and move, get another job,
leave the spouse that's hurting you, get in your car and drive to a
new life.

But what if you're a child and the
brokenness is coming to your parent, who is not covering you, and
their brokenness rolls into your little world. You can't escape it.
(In a third world country like Kenya --- this is exactly how many
street children come about. They do run --- to the street. And a
different, mean, worldly kind of broken begins to breathe.)

Or what if the breaking is coming in
the form of a disease. Even in a first world place, there's no way to
hide from it's impact.

It's just that brokenness is a
universal thing --- it comes in every corner --- and to everyone.

Yet when it comes to us, when it's
painfully personal and standing on our doorstep, we can feel so
alone. Alone is not good. We were not created for aloneness.

She knew that something was gravely
wrong. Tears came as her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.

Our toes dug into the sand, we watched
families playing in the waves, the sun began to set. She'd endured
life, and worked to overcome much pain, but her past was haunting her
present and fear was crashing in again.

Grave – it's the right word for it.

She could smell the pungent stench of
death, her eyes could only see the struggle around her. And her
strength, all of it, was being consumed (and wasted) on trying to
maintain, survive, endure, and find a way to defeat the problems
before her. And they weren't just her problems anymore. They were the
problems being lived out in the lives of her children now ---- their
hurts carried a faint echo of her own even though they knew nothing
of her story. She had held it silent for all her 60 decades.

It looked exactly as though the other
person in this painful “Life-Play”, was the cause of the stench.
It was their sin, their fault, their wrongdoings that caused the
problems. (And to a very large degree, this was oh-so-true!)

If they would just change....

or perhaps if they had just
disappeared...

“could they just go away please?”...

“Then this suffocating dust could
settle and the sun might shine again and life could get back on
course... perhaps happiness could then come.”

But as surely as that solution seems so
right ------ it would only be a temporal reprieve. For that would be
the outward way of “relief” --- not the inward way of “healing”.

When the struggle inside us collides
with the hammering-tool outside us (the situation, the person, the
sickness, the “problem”), our eyes become fixed on IT, the
problem. We put our focus on IT. We laser in on it. And all our mind
can think on is “if this thing was changed, I could find peace”.

IT is the problem. Right?

But what of the Holy Words that say,
“In this world you will have trouble. But do not be afraid. For I
have overcome the world”.

Doesn't that mean that in this old
world, there are going to be so many “its”? Struggles will
abound. Problems are “normal”. Oh but I cringe even typing those
words.

It's a hard reality --- not a sparkly,
feel good truth --- it's raw.

Troubles come ----- then they go ----
then others come -----

The woe-is-me-soul would want to throw
in the towel and give up on life. But not the Jesus-in-me-soul.

Have you ever walked on the ocean's
shore, sand under you, sun above you, and waves steadily pounding
beside you? There's a rhythm to the steadiness of it all; on most
days it comforts us in some inner way.

Then the sun gets too hot and we long
for the coolness of the water. We inch our way in, toes first.

As she spoke, the waves beside us
seemed to speak as well, “keep going, we're not shocked by anything
you might say”. They invited her every word, they were not afraid.
Waves know what to do with the dirt of life.

The cool waters feel good to our feet,
so we keep moving forward. As we make progress into the waters, we
come to that place where the waves crest. Where they peak and then
fold, tumbling down in a ribbon of white rush. That's the line where,
if the wave has any size, we might get knocked down. When we walk to
the line of the rolling waves, we either choose to let it knock us
over OR we choose to lean into it.

The former means the wave is unbroken
and it will carry us where it wants to. That's usually a whirl
of confusion in foaming, sandy waters.

But the latter means the wave line
is broken and we find ourselves still standing on the other side
of the impact.

Either way ---- something gets
broken--- either the wave line is breeched or we are.

If you've ever found yourself coming
against a big wave in the ocean, you know this, you have to brace
yourself, even crouch down, bend your knees and lean forward to be
able to endure the impact.

For me ---- those big waves require
that I ---- bend my knees.

I've never once conquered a wave with
straight, board-like legs.

Try it sometime if you never have ---
you can't do it.

It's the bending of my knees that gives
me balance.

It's the bending of our knees that
gives us balance.

Part 2 --- Facing the waves wisely

In this sharing, the waves represent
the “in this world you will have trouble” part of that verse.

Unbent knees, stiffness, will not serve
us well when facing those waves.

Bent knees, a lowering of ourselves,
better allows us to withstand the impact, and find ourselves in a new
place. We're not bending our knees to give in to the trouble --- no,
we're bending our knees to balance ourselves against its impact.

Have you ever noticed how calm the
water is just beyond the wave line? (calm at least until the next
wave comes)

Too often we might think of the wave
line as the place where we should become strong, rigid, firm. We
think if we get tough, we can beat the wave. But it's not our
strength that will get us on the other side of the impact.

More Holy Words speak directly to this
thought of rigid strength winning. “Not by power, not by might, but
by my Spirit say the Lord.” (Zechariah 4:6)

The way of the world says, get
stronger, meaner, tougher --- fight fire with fire --- if they hurt
you, you hurt them more.

But that world-way doesn't fit with the
Abba-way. Jesus showed us clearly. His greatest show of strength came
on that cross; He stayed there during the breaking. Then His greatest
show of power came at the mouth of that tomb.

Our willingness to face the “wave”
wisely (because “in this world you will have trouble”),

to “bend our knees” (“do not be
afraid”), and choose to focus on the calmer waters beyond (“for I
have overcome the world”), (John 16:33)

------ this will carry us through.

It's not the removal of the wave that
is needed.

The waves are there ---- they will
always be there ---- they will not be removed --- until Heaven.

If it's not this person, it will be
another person. If it's not this challenge, it will be another like
it. If it's not this unkind situation, it will be another. The waves
are always there.......

(and if we can r-e-a-l-l-y understand
this at a soul-deep-level, we'll find a storehouse of grace and mercy
for those around us who are being tossed about in waves of
brokenness)

It's not the removal of the waves that
will finally bring us happiness or peace or calm.

It's our willingness to face them, and
allow our bended knees to break the impact that will bring us
to new places in life.

What happens to the wave?

If you've ever bent your knees, lowered
yourself, closed your eyes, held your breath, and leaned forward into
a wave, you find that you can endure it. The whirl of its waters
will pass by. Then the wave continues on to where it was going. But
it has not carried you with it. It might even lift your feet off the
ocean floor briefly, but if we keep our positioning, it can not carry
us with it.

Therefore ----- our stance does not
change the wave. We can not change the waves. We can not complain
about them enough, argue with them enough, fight back against them
enough, or in any way alter them. We have no control over the wave.

What we can do ---- what we do have a
control over --- is how we choose to face it. It is our only chance
at altering the outcome.

It can either throw us backwards onto
the shore and crash its waters all over us OR we can choose to bend
our knees, lower our center, and lean into it.

The waves of life ------

they might intimidate us with their
size, they might hit hard when they come, but oh --- with bent knees
and a “lowering of self”, they will not push us backwards into
old places.

So this means that I can't face the
waves without bending my knees and lowering my center of
gravity.

Those two things must be in place ----
two things that will allow a breakthrough --- but two things that
will also allow a “breaking” in me.

It's a very different kind of
“breaking”. Not the brokenness that comes from the hand of
another; it's rather a brokenness that comes IN the hands of the
FATHER.

Bending my knees is that visual
reference to praying. Bending myself, no stiffness of leg or heart or
mind or emotion. (This is a hard thing to do if we're stuck in the “i
must defeat it” mode.) Bending my everything to HIM, not it or
them. It means I must grab hold of His robes, look for His way,
choose His hand on my heart. No more shaking my fist at the wave.
Instead choosing His way in the wave. Trusting that He really is good
and He truly can carry me through the impact(s) of this life and in
so doing, He will be washing me with each wave, He will be washing
something from me that needed to go. Something I hadn't even realized
was stuck to me. And when I will allow the truth to really come
through --- i'll realize the stench that i'd faced so often, thinking
it was on the other, was actually also on me.

Only Abba can wash that stench away
with His blood. But because of His sacrifice on the Cross, He can
also use the waves of life to help us, as we bend our knee to Him.

For just a few lines, i'll share of one
wave that repeatedly crashed into my world and left me covered in
scratchy sand. For all my life i've been eager for friendship. Even
as a little girl, having friends around me, good friends, meant all
was right with my world. Somehow I was wired to enjoy friendship. But
throughout my life there have been sad stories of friendships gone
wrong. Not all my friendships, thank God --- for there are many who
have journeyed closely with me for all my days. What a gift. But
still there have been several key friends who I treasured so much,
who i walked closely beside, but then suddenly they stepped away, and
disappeared, sometimes even hurting me in the process. Never once did
any of those “friends” come to tell me what i'd done to cause
their rejection. Even if I went to her and asked “why?”, there
would be no reason given. Just an abandonment of the friendship ----
and i'd be leveled by the wave. Some people, of different
temperaments than mine, don't care so much when a friend moves on.
But it's been a wave that has pounded me at least 3 hard times in my
life. The last time this hard wave came, I lifted myself up to Jesus
and said, “Please help me, I need help here, this hurts too, too
much.” I bent my knees to Him, lowered my center (myself and how I
felt), and asked Him to wash me, wash off of me what needed to go to
be healed from the inside out.

And He showed me something IN ME that
He wanted to “clean up” (change).

The wave can wash us. It might not
touch the one who has hurt us, but it can wash us in good ways.

What was it in me that needed to go?

What needed to be washed away?

He was jealous for my focus. He did not
want me to be so focused on that friend, what they thought, how they
cared or didn't care, if they responded or walked away. He did not
want their actions towards me to matter nearly as much as I was
allowing it to matter. He wanted me to lean in to HIM, and not lament
over them. Period. It was that simple. And in the bending of my knees
in the wave, Jesus said, “Pray for them, give them to me, i'll deal
with them, YOU FOCUS ON ME, I will never leave you.”

John 21:22 came alive for me, “If
I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As
for you, you follow me.” Paraphrased and personal for me it
became, “If I want them to... (step away from you), what's that
to you donna? As for you --- my instruction is clear to you,
you----follow----me.”

Yes, this is a small thing in life
right? For some it is. For others it can be debilitating. For me it
was bigger than it should have been. I'm letting you see the bottom
side of my scrapings as i dare share it here. But, the point is ----
waves come in different sizes and with different strengths. Small or
big --- if a wave (a trouble in this world) has the strength to knock
us down, then it needs to be handled carefully, faced wisely, and
dealt with completely. It needs to be approached and measured and
honestly laid before the One who will use it for good in our lives,
if we'll hold His hand at the wave-line. Bent knees. A lowering of
“me”, my center of gravity (what holds me in the right place).
Little or big, if something wounds, then when the wave comes again,
as it always will, we can learn to let it wash something off us that
needs to go!

Next time you find yourself near those
strong ocean waves, do yourself a favor and let yourself experience a
visual of this. Don't laugh at me here, resist the urge to roll your
eyes (cause you're gonna want to...).

Find a spot on the beach all to
yourself. This is not a spectator “sport”.

Carry a bottle of ketchup with you, the
cheaper the better.

Stand at the shoreline and pour that
ketchup all over your arms and legs. You'll feel goofy for sure, but
only for a second or two. Then walk your sauce-covered-self out into
the water up to the wave-line. Bend your knees and lower your center
of gravity, brace yourself for the waves, don't let them break you
--- instead you break their line. Stay there for wave, after wave,
after wave. With each wave you'll find you get more accustomed to the
stance you need to have, how low you need to go, how much you need to
bend your knees. You'll get tired, yes. But you'll get wiser in the
ebb and flo of those waves. Let 10, 12, 15 waves come and go, then
turn and walk back to the shore. Look at your arms and legs. Is there
any red ketchup left? There won't be. What was on you will have been
washed from you as you focused on bending your knees and lowering
yourself.

Is it a silly visual or a solid picture
of truth? (maybe both) :)

Now, be honest with yourself and with
the One who already knows the answer to every question. What's the
cheap ketchup mess in your life? What is stuck to you that needs to
go? (Because if it gets to stay it will bring a world-brokenness
inside you.) How many times have you felt its stickiness in your
life? Be honest with God about it ---- right now ---- and ask Him to
help you as you bend your knees (pray over it again and again), and
then lower yourself before HIM (so He can increase Himself in you).
Ask Him to show you the new way you need to allow a cleansing
brokenness (from HIM) to wash the sticky mess away. It won't happen
in a day --- or even a week --- for me it almost always takes a
steadiness in many waves to finally walk back to the shoreline and
feel “clean of it”. But begin today dear one. Begin today.

Part 3 – Wash me Lord, use those waves
to wash me – Broken for GOOD.

Lowering yourself, lowering your
“center” of gravity so the wave doesn't catch you off balance and
throw you backwards is the picture of John 3:30 “I must decrease
and He must increase.” Oh how we struggle in the living out of
those 7 little words. For we think we must increase, we must get
stronger, we must press our point or win the fight or prove them
wrong or take our revenge in order to beat “the wave”. But this,
dear one, is the lie of the evil one.

We can not beat the waves with stiff,
strong, unbent legs.

We can not stop them from coming, we
can not alter them.

But if we will decrease (let go of what
needs to be washed away from us) ---- as we choose to increase Him,
choose Him at the center, raise Him up in the lowering of “me”,
then we find there is a bedrock strength that can stand in the wave.
It is He who then causes the wave to wash us, as it passes by, and we
find ourselves in a strange new place of still waters.

Watchman Nee writes so beautifully of
this lowering of our center --- but his words call it a choosing of
brokenness, an allowance of God's dealings. His book “The Release
of the Spirit” has filled my plate of late, and opened my eyes to
much.

Brokenness.

Brokenness is something to be avoided
if it's only being used to destroy; where the waves of life keep
throwing us down on old shores laced with boulders and sharp edges.
This is the brokenness that comes when the world wins and ashes
remain.

But --- the brokenness Jesus guides us
towards, is something to be embraced. It's a revelation of being able
to see what in us needs to go, what needs to grow, and what needs to
change. It's a realization of our inability and His ability which
compels us to bend our knees. We see the need to lower our center of
gravity; allowing ourselves, our will, our attitude, our
my-way-mentality to be broken and washed away. And after the work of
this kind of brokenness is complete, we find ourselves standing in a
new place. A place we thought we could only arrive at if “they”
or “it” changed.

Instead we find, ----- the thing that
needed to change, was something in us.

Now ---- perhaps “they” or “it”
are a serious issue, a real problem, a troublesome thing to endure.
No doubt there are those grievous people and painful situations that
cause much angst in our lives.

Certainly change is needed in them as
well.

But just as we have not power over the
wave ------ we know, we have not power to change them.

Keeping our focus set on them, will rob
us two-fold. We'll never see the good possibilities of bending our
knees and increasing Christ-in-me and we'll never know what life
could have been like after the wave-line was broken and the stuff
stuck to us washed away.

The answer is not found in running from
the waves. The answer is found in overcoming them by facing them
wisely.

Brokenness.

Life is a constant remodeling taking us
from what was to new places of what can be. But in order to get
there, we must be willing to let the One who made us, carry us
through the waves. And He can only do that when we bend our knees and
lower ourselves in His hands.

He will deal with those who wrong us.

He knows --- He sees --- He will deal
with them. And a fearsome dealing it might be. (Makes me cringe to
think of it, it compels me to pray for them.)

But never forget, He's also watching to
see how we respond to the wave-lines in life. Do we lean into Him,
bend our knees and lower ourselves as He increases in us? Or do we
rigidly fight the impacts of life and struggle in the surf after
being knocked down again?

“For the eyes of the LORD run to
and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the
behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him.”2 Chronicles 16:9
KJV

... in my kindergarten way of thinking
this verse through, this I know to be solid-rock truth....

I can not even begin to have a “heart
perfect toward Him” if I have not become practiced in bending my
knees, lowering myself, and facing the waves of life. Letting the
waves flow over me in such a way that what needed to be removed
inside me is washed away and my eyes are found set like flint on Him.

Oh Lord, help her (the many “hers”
--- and the many “hims” too).

Oh Lord, help me.

Oh Lord, help us all.

Wash us again and again -------

Hold us steady in the waves Daddy-GOD.

We trust Your dealings with us on the
path of brokenness. You can take our rough selves and find the
diamond inside.

The world's dealings with us brings a
brokenness that takes our rough stone-selves and pummels us into sand
--- where little if anything remains.

2 comments:

Thank you for sharing this truth Donna...I deeply appreciate your obedience to Him. I join you in the kindergarten way of seeking, processing, and learning about God's total love for us. He reigns! Read Psalm 93 by the sea for me while I joyfully keep you and Steve in my prayers here at 23p.

About Me

Married to Steve, mother to Michael, Maggie, and Peter, daughter of Donald and Kathryn Glover, sister to Kathy Williams and Jeff Glover ----- follower of Jesus Christ, and life-long learner. I was an elementary school teacher for 14 years and then worked serving those preparing to go on missions trips to Africa. I've enjoyed free-lance writing for several years. Now, we serve in Kenya teaching Godly Principles of Marriage as we mentor and encourage couples to bless each other, bless their children and homes, honor God, and multiply goodness around them. What a life we are living... so thankful.