Wednesday, September 04, 2013

Here I am, walking through another endless antique mall as the folks look for yet another obscure piece of glassware. At least it's one of the more interesting malls. It's a little junky, which means I might have a shot at finding something really quirky and neat.

I see an old, black rotary phone sitting all alone on a table a few booths ahead. I have to admit to a bit of nostalgia when I see it. We had a rotary wall phone when I was a kid - complete with the party line we could hardly ever use because of old Ms. Carr constantly gossiping to her friends. I see this phone doesn't have the phone line that connected it to the wall jack.

I walk closer to the phone, curious about the price. Just as I reach for the tag, imagine my surprise when the thing rings. Out of curosity, I can't resist answering it.

"Hello?"

I hear a deep, ominious voice on the other end. "You better watch your back." it says. I'm so startled, I don't know what to say."I know what you've done. Did you think you could commit such a blaphesmy and not be noticed? You can't hide from me, much less the entire celestial army. I will make damn sure you will burn in the deepest depths of hell for this travesty, Leonard Trapaski."

Are you kidding me? I get a phantom phone calland it's a wrong number? I finally find my voice and say, "Who?!"

There is a startled silence on the other end of the phone. "Who is this?"

"Definitely not Leonard Trapaski," I say in my unmistakable for anything but feminine voice.

More startled silence.

"Oh....um....uh...my bad. I...um...have a...uh...haveaniceday."

I hear a click and then the silence of a dead phone. I find myself looking at the handset, down the phone and back to the handset before I put it back into the cradle. Maybe I'm not as interested in the old phone as I thought. Of course, now I'm wondering why exactly Leonard Trapasky has an entire celestial army of angels after him.

Perhaps I'll just let that one pass. Who knows who - or what - will be calling next.