TRASHY GOSSIP

BREAKING NEWS Archeological Discovery: Have you ever wondered how Giorgio Tsoukalos is so certain ancient aliens once roamed the Earth and mingled with human beings? Do you really think he styles his stratospheric bouffant that way just because the man loves his hair products? The truth is, Giorgio is a time traveling alien sent to Earth to star in a TV show called Ancient Aliens in order to teach humanity about our true origins. Embedded in his hair are nano transmitters used to pick up signals sent from fourth dimensional aliens flying exquisite golden spaceships. Not only do they divulge secrets to Giorgio, they insist he wear his brown three-piece suit every day. The higher Giorgio styles his hair, the stronger the signal becomes. Viewers of his show may have noticed his hair growing higher over the course of the seasons and now they know why. How high will Giorgio's hair be on the next season of Ancient Aliens and what new secrets will he reveal? (Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint)

Let The Evidence Speak for Itself

Recently, archeologists unearthed a curious golden figurine while excavating Mayan ruins in Palenque. The figurine appears to depict a large-haired humanoid waving his hands with emphatic excitement. A small monkey holding some sort of smoking apparatus appears at the figurine's sandal-clad feet. Could this be evidence that Giogio Tsoukalos lived among the Mayans as a alien entity who taught the people advanced astronomy and hair-styling techniques....as ancient alien theorists believe? (Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint)

Does this ancient aboriginal cave painting in Australia prove the theory of Giorgio Tsoukalos' time traveling abilities? Yes it does, without a doubt. (Photo from Mysterious Universe. Trickery supplied by 14. Until I figure out how to add a Facebook button to my blog, please visit 14 here.)

Our EXCLUSIVE investigation into the origins of Donald Trump's hair can now be revealed. While the untamed, flesh-ish colored fur-like thing resting atop Trump's head may look like his own hair, our investigators were shocked to discover its true origin: a genetically modified rodent. We learned that Trump employs a team of scientists consisting of biologists, geneticists and cryptozoologists who work full-time behind the ornate golden doors of a secret laboratory located inside Trump's gaudy lavish New York penthouse. Their job is to create and raise a large herd of furry, chimera-like rodents consisting of the spliced DNA of orangutans, rabid weasels, caterpillars and most troubling, a dead chupacabra found flattened on a remote road in East Texas. Trump barges into the laboratory every morning to mercilessly grab a woeful creature and slap it atop his head. The younger, smaller creatures are used as Trump's eyebrows and if you look closely, you may observe them curled up and sleeping on the hot orange flesh above The Donald's angry eyes. Medium: graphite on paper, digital paint. Visit 14's Facebook page for more thrills and chills!