14 things the internet can help fix your lousy day with

Alright so a video of a cat riding a Roomba whilst wearing a shark costume may not mend your broken heart, but at least it will provide a few seconds of distraction.

Unless of course it was an anthropomorphic surfer cat from Florida who worked part time as a mascot for the Nova Southeastern Sharks that broke your heart, in which case those few seconds may only provide more pain and suffering.

I’d better delete that clip from the round-up then.

In the meantime, here are 13 other things that, although won’t solve your mounting debt problems or bring your favourite goldfish Sminkens back to life, they will at least provide six to seven minutes of relief.

Super addictive game alert

I mean seriously be careful with this. It’s a Tetris level of addictive.

Hextris may ruin you. Totally worth it though.

Technically we’re all half-centaur

This mind-expanding philosophy from the showerthoughts subreddit and more are brought to velvety smooth life by Parks and Rec’s Nick Offerman.

It was ‘Heard it Through the Grapevine’ stupid

Other slightly more obscure songs can be uncovered thanks to this brilliant website called What is That Song? A database containing info on all advert, movie and TV show soundtracks.

Ah yes, that’s right, Moby was around a lot 15 years ago.

Should’ve picked Oddjob

Pierce Brosnan plays Goldeneye 007, the single greatest game ever made for the N64.

He sucks.

Mickey Mouth

Laura Jenkinson is a pretty amazing make-up artist and an even better cartoonist.

Moron This

As part of our Tokyo adventure, me and my wife did a four hour karaoke marathon in the same venue they filmed Lost in Translation. The results were as hilarious as they were painful. Here is the whole thing in a condensed three minute version. Apologies in advance.

The Pegasi mounts… on with the bodycount!!!

Ice-T narrates an audio fantasy book involving wizards, dragons and orks with a suitably weary disdain.

A cinematic history of text messages

The Sherlock TV series has done the world of filmmaking a huge favour.

Movies somehow used to grind to a halt whenever a character received a narratively important text message. Here’s a brilliant explanation of why that is and also looks at other ways to visualise the digital world.

Haruki Murakami bingo

Because highbrow.

Hey it’s that guy from that thing!

It’s time to recognise just how offensive that common phrase really is. Surely it’s now time to give these other guys a break. Whatever their names are.

Are you sitting comfortably, then we’ll begin…

I used to love tape-and-book adaptations of films when I was a kid. I had everything from The Return to Oz to Ghostbusters 2. Now I’m an adult, I’ve outgrown such childish simple things. Luckily Space Monkey X has created a series aimed squarely at my post-30-year-old ears.

Click below for the Pdf. Wear something warm.

Paws

Oh look, it turns out I did forget to delete it after all. Apologies to ‘weeping in Orlando’.

That’s your lot for this week. You keep the internet distracted while I nip out to see if I can find a replacement goldfish that looks identical to Sminkens.