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Why getting him to pursue you is not the answer

Yesterday, a single friend asked me..

“There’s this guy I’m interested in, and we’ve gone out a couple of times. He’s been traveling a lot and he hasn’t kept in touch. But I will say, when I do reach out he quickly writes me back, and we do make plans to see other again. The problem is that I feel like I’m doing all of the pursuing, and I just want to be pursued by him.

And not too long after, a married friend asked me…

“If he really cared, then he would already know what I want or need, he’s known me for years now right?”

What I told my single friend is that I understand you want to be pursued but what you’re really saying is you want reassurance. Reassurance that he is interested in you and wants to keep connecting.

And what I told my married friend is, he can’t read your mind, and you probably want him to so that he can prove to you that he really loves you.

But, when we say things like, “I want to be pursued” or “he should know”, what we’re actually doing is choosing to take a passive role and place the man in the dominant role.

So even when we do reach out to a man we like, or talk to our partners about something that’s been weighing on us, this passive state gives us a way out of having to take responsibility for how we feel.

It is way more comfortable to place the guy in the position of power over us, then to realize our own power from within.

Why?

Because this idea that men are powerful and women are weak has been passed down from generation to generation, in an unconscious way. And it has only reinforced the belief that somehow we are not worthy to ask for what we desire.

Plus we have seen it through how our parents, or those who raised us interacted, and how we translated the way our parents reacted when we would express ourselves.

Lots of subconscious beliefs got embedded on who we think we are. One big one is questioning if we are worthy.

And you know as well as I do, that you ARE worthy. We know this logically, but so many of our actions and reactions at the root show very little of this worthiness.

So, what is one thing we can begin to do?

First, I’m here to remind you that you are love, you are a divine soul. A soul which is pure light, joy and total knowingness. Your essence is whole and complete.

And it’s the disconnection from this part of us that has us forget our worth.

But when we reconnect to that truth from within, that we are divine beings, that we are soul, the way we relate to ourselves and others completely shifts.

You’re no longer focused on who says what first, or how many times he does or does not do something, or whether he’s pursuing you, or if he really cares. (Again this is relating as if he has all the power over you.)

Instead, you now relate as equals. You begin to draw all of you energy back into you, and reconnect with what you want and what you desire.

When you relate to yourself as an all knowing powerful soul, and him as an all knowing powerful soul, you can follow your desire without it being about validating anything.

You will feel empowered to ask yourself what it is that you desire in each interaction and then follow it.

What following your desire looks like in love is:

Reaching out when you want to reach out.

Talking through something so you don’t hold on to anger and resentment, and come to a place of understanding with someone you love, including having the “tough” conversations when they are needed.

Knowing you’re on the same page, and when in doubt – asking.

Have more connection and lead with letting him into your heart first.

You see there are no rules and no “right” way to do something. No fear of scaring him off or not looking good. No fear of looking stupid or of being rejected.

Can you feel that? Even for just a moment, right now, feel that your essence is divine. Don’t just read these words and leave this post with just more ‘information’. Feel the truth of who you are.

Spiritually we are all on the same playing ground. We suffer because of our disconnection to our soul.

When you reconnect to your divinity, you rise into your own power, and stop making anyone else more powerful than you.

And from this place navigating relationships and love becomes simpler, and more honest.

I would love to hear from you! Leave your comments below and let me know if you can feel your divinity and what new clarity you now have.