Bring Me To Life

Summary:
Renesmee had the perfect, happy life with her family and Jake until disaster strikes. With her closest ally gone, life has suddenly became hell. Forced to move to Chicago to escape impending danger, Renesmee has to find a way to live a new life.

Notes:
This is just a random idea that popped into my head. You don't have to like it. Renesmee is a pain to write. Sorry 'bout that.

2. Wake Up

I lay in bed again, with the prospect of another empty day keeping me from motion. There was nothing to do, nothing to say.

Just like yesterday, the day before, and the eternity before that. My life was divided into two pieces now – eons away when it was a happy time, when he was there –, and now, without him, an ocean of loss that would stretch on forever and ever.

Mom stuck her head around the door, and she glided wordlessly to my side. I rolled over to face the wall, and she ignored my body language, rubbing my back softly.

“Nessie, baby. You need to get up.”

“No.” I barely spoke anymore. My voice felt raspy and horrible. I felt horrible. There was a huge hole in me that would never fill. It was all-consuming. I was the hole. There was no me anymore.

“Please.”

I turned to glare at her. “Why? Why should I? Jake’s never going to get up again.”

“But you need to keep going.” She gathered me into her arms and pulled me onto her stone cold lap. I nestled into her chest. “Did I tell you about when your Dad left me once?”

“No.” I was sure there were many stories from my parents’ past that I didn’t know. Based on how clearly in love they were, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know them all.

She took a deep breath. It sounded shaky. “A long time ago – a few years before you were born – when I was still a human…” Mom began to stroke my hair. I closed my eyes, listening. “Something happened that made Edward question if I could ever truly be safe around him. I… got hurt, and Jasper… Well, you know Jasper.”

I knew Jasper. He was getting better. He used Mom’s perfect self-control as an example for himself. But I knew he couldn’t trust himself fully yet.

“Edward made the whole family leave. He was so sure that his being there was going to be bad for me, that he’d only put me in danger. When he left…” Her arms tightened around me. “It was the worst pain I’d ever known. It was the emptiest I’ve ever felt.”

I touched her face, showing her sympathy, showing her that I felt emptiness, too. She took my hand.

“Exactly,” she breathed.

“What did you do?” I knew the answer. Dad came back. Dad saved her. Jake was never coming back. It was cruel of her to try to offer me this false hope.

“I found ways to let out the pain. I tried not to think about him, at first, but that only made it worse. So I did my best to find painless ways to make myself remember. I couldn’t forget him.”

“How?”

“I was reckless.” Mom’s face grew distant. “I did things that I knew he wouldn’t have approved of, because then I could imagine that he cared. That he wouldn’t want me to be hurt. It was stupid and careless of me. I’m not suggesting that you do that.”

“Then what?”

“Then… then we all have our own ways of coping with things. I found someone else to fill the hole a little. I found Jake.” Mom dropped her head, pressing her lips to my forehead, holding me tighter. I knew this was hurting her, too. “He couldn’t replace Edward, but he helped me to heal. The thing is, sitting and doing nothing was the worst for me. Once I got out, once I started doing something, I finally was able to wake up.

“I know it hurts, but you have to let yourself forget, you have to make yourself move on. It’s not healthy to sit here and wallow. Jake wouldn’t have wanted this for you. He would have wanted you to move on, to be happy. Or at least as happy as you can be.” She pushed me gently off her lap, sitting me up straight.

“Tomorrow we’re all starting at a new school. Alice packed up all your stuff for you when you were sleeping. It’s time to move on, Nessie. It’s time to wake up.”

“I don’t want to move on.” Panic rose in my throat. I couldn’t leave here. This was where I’d lived for as long as I could remember, with Jake always with me. The sheets still smelled like him sometimes, his favorite chair still sat in the same place. All his music sat in haphazard stacks around my floor – I didn’t have the strength to move it. This was the place where there were signs of his still being here. If I left, it would be like he’d never existed.

“I know, baby. But we have to. Because a few of them got away that night. We have to get away before they come back for us.”

My blood turned to ice. We were in danger here. I was keeping us here, sitting ducks. “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

They’d left the fight to bring me home, to protect me. Of course some of them would have gotten away.

Who were they? No one had thought to tell me. I just knew they were a threat. And that they were here because of me.

“Yes.” She took my hand, pulling me to my feet. “Our plane to Chicago leaves in an hour.”

* * *

I sat on the plane, my face pressed to the glass, watching the country slip by underneath me. Chicago. A place so far away. I’d read about it, heard about it on the news. I’d never been there. I’d never thought I’d ever go there.

It was too far away – it wouldn’t be green, it wouldn’t be wet. We’d know no one. There would be no forests to run through, no place to imagine my big russet wolf standing right behind me. I was at home in Forks. But now… nothing. Grandpa wasn’t even coming with us. And Jacob wasn’t here to make moving fun.

Aunt Alice slipped into the seat beside me, leaning into my arm. I tried to smile at her. She was so tiny. Her eyes were wide. “Renesmee.” Her bell voice was quiet, serious.

“Yes, Alice?” I wrapped an arm around her slight shoulders.

“Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dad shoot me a look. The look that said didn’t-I-tell-you-not-to-make-unconditional-promisses,-especially-with-Alice? I shrugged apologetically, not really feeling apologetic. I didn’t feel anything anymore.

“Promise me you won’t grow up to fast.” She looked away, not meeting my eyes.

“What do you mean?” I knew I was growing quickly. I was only four. But honestly. “Like… don’t become an old lady? You know I have no control over that.”

“No, you’re not going to have to worry about that. I promise.” She tapped her head.

“Then what?”

She looked up at me seriously. “I mean I’m not sure. I can’t see you very well, but I had a vision. Things are going to happen in Chicago.”

“What kinds of things?”

“It’s only fuzzy right now. But don’t forget where you came from, okay?”

“I promise,” I said. I felt funny, empty, echo-y. My promise rang in my ears after she left, and her words repeated themselves in my mind. They gave me a strange feeling I couldn’t quite place.