That [sex] was the most fun I ever had without laughing.Woody Allen~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.Daughter: It's mummy!Father: How do you know?Daughter: She didn't say anything.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad.She began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued."You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk."Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand."Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States of America against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice:"Uhhh... all by myself?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him.The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?""No," replied the nervous immigrant."Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill ya?""No.""Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill ya?""No.""Then why in God's name did ya think she's gonna kill ya?" asked the exasperated police officer."Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He handed the police officer the suspect bottle.The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.The label read, "Polish Remover."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A pissed-off wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him. "What'll you have?" he asked."Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot.His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered."I don't know how you can drink this stuff!""Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A radical feminist gets on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat."Here we go again," she thinks to herself. "Yet another man attempting to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat," and she pushes him back onto the seat.A minute passes and the man tries to get up again. She's insulted again and refuses to allow him to get up.This happens several times over the next few minutes.Finally, the man pleads, "Lady, please, you have to let me get up. I'm already a couple of miles past my stop!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $3.75, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents.""Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'The woman said, 'That's okay.'For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world; an Adonis whom women will flock to'.The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.'So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning! Good Morning!

Outside the ice is forming.

My eyes have tears, my ears are numb.

I wonder when the heat will come.

My heater is so slooooow.

Good morning everyboomie.

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!

Actually it's going to be a very nice sunny warm day near 60 degrees.

You know how I know that??

The weatherman said so, that's how, and the weatherman, (SORRY), weather person is always right.....right?

I'm sure though that when I go in to work at 4:30am it might be a tiny bit nippy.

Good thing I have a coat for that very reason.

"Be prepared", that's my motto.

No wait my motto is "never do today what you can put off till someone else does it."

No....my motto is "respect vegetables, don't eat them."

Maybe it's "early to bed......................oh never mind.

I have a coat anyway, and about that last motto, the early to bed thing. I'm not healthy, wealthy, or wise, but I gotta get up early, so I gotta get to bed asap, if not as soon as possible.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (01/17/1308:09 PM)

_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Joe, I would love your 60's. I'll trade you my 19. My last day in the corner, a lot to do in very little time so I wish you all a good day.

I just got back from the hall where daughters wedding is going to be for their food tasting. I am so full I feel like a weeble! We had to try 8 chicken dishes, 3 pastas, two sausages, potatoes, veggies, and 4 kinds of cakes. We had a blast but oh my goodness, so much food!

Flood is drawning my capital city,all the main road been closedHalf of activities is numb,my area still save but we alarmedThe flood this year is bigger than the last one ,I forgit when around 2007-2008 And the rain continue since two days ago,only stop for couple hours in the evening and drops again till morning 😔I pray for the unlucky people while am lucky that am save and dry

Edit#2: seriously? The electricity is down ..I really not happy with this My battery lifespan is dying 😱😱 the powerbank is half emptyHow can I survive ....#am being dramatic coz the battery# It's like I'm being stranded on Silent hill town 😄 lack of supply

😱 This is horrible Ana...I charge my phone to my laptop unfortunatelly the ipad wont charging with the computer plug There.....I'm doom ..all gadget is dying now my only hope is laptop battery Wish the electricity back in a short time

One of my cat having cold,the vet is off coz She can't go out from her house area because the floodAnother trouble comes *faint* Allright.... Next ....📢 Am hopeless here LOL 😄

65% of my baterry lifes..wanna bet if I'm goin to survive or not :LOL:

anyway..have a Great Friday ahead my dear Boomersif am not reply the post,that means my battery and all my gadget is Dead LOL..am going to call electricity company who's handle my area and only say words.."how looooong...am dying here while I can't go out coz' the flood everywhere"

just saw yesterday news,there's one silly guy riding his RollsRoyce car and he began dig up the water from inside coz water is filled inside LOL..well that's fun

Good Morning Joe, Ana, Natasha, Haroula and Cailyn.Joe keep smiling. Ana glad to hear it's your last day in the corner. Sounds like you had lots of fun food testing! Natasha I'm so sorry to hear about the flooding. I hope the rains stop soon. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn it's a cold morning so thanks for the hot coffee! Wishing everyone a happy day!