Sharing my psychosis.

Ask Amy Friday

What’s your take on Hunt’s vs Heinz ketchup, how that affects the ongoing gas price war, and the mixed concerns of greenpeace and the RIAA?

I’ve always been a Heinz girl. Hunt’s is just too thin and sweet, much like an anorexic supermodel–lots of press, but not much substance. Heinz has a set of balls on it. Okay, maybe not balls, per se, but it’s hearty and robust like a German guy at Oktoberfest. And who doesn’t like Oktoberfest? I’m still not sure how a ketchup debate affects the gas war. Just be thankful that a gallon of gas doesn’t cost as much as a gallon of Heinz ketchup. Greenpeace–I have mixed feelings about Greenpeace. I really couldn’t give a shit what kind of ketchup those militant tree-huggers use. And that in and of itself should be an oxymoron, shouldn’t it? Militant and tree hugging should be mutually exclusive, but nooooooo. I’ve never seen a publicized protest over the unethical treatment of tomatoes by Greenpeace. I don’t even think it warrants googling. As far as the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) goes, I haven’t seen a real tree-hugger for a while. I mean, John Denver was the last guy I know of who wrote about trees and outdoorsy shit and look what happened to him! I don’t think he ever wrote anything about ketchup though.

Which is more annoying: “Your mom” or “that’s what she said”?

“That’s what she said” is a horrible catch phrase. Who is she? When did she say that? And in what context was it said? If you were talking about a penis, more than likely, it was complete and utter bullshit. Unless she said it looked like you fucked around corners. Then it was probably true.

Why is clown porn HAWT?

Clown porn isn’t hawt. It’s downright disturbing. Imagine getting sexed up by the clown from Stephen King’s It. It’s just fucked up. It’s wrong and I refuse to condone clown porn. Grease paint stains are a bitch to get out anyway.