Americans! Listen up! I want YOU to have a Happy Fourth of July. That's a request directly from your Uncle Sam. Go out and romp and frolic. Or if you're too tired, you can simply cavort. Or repose yourself upon the reclining object of your choosing. And don't forget to fire up that grill. Throw a horseshoe. Have a barbeque. Throw a horseshoe at the barbeque. I don't care. Just have fun. Indulge in your cold beverage of preference. And, by all means, enjoy some fireworks. Yes, Americans, I want YOU to celebrate Independence Day. Because without Independence Day, we'd all be drinking tea and eating crumpets and fish and chips like a bunch of Queen-lovin' pudding-slurpers! That's right. You heard me. Now get out there and have a Happy Fourth of July!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a handsome man who appreciated women for their minds. A man who preferred brains and a sense of humor over a roll in the hay, a man in search of commitment... Thought you might enjoy a good fairy tale on Valentine's Day!

Youre a mommy, youre a mother, Its a job thats like no other: Its demanding, and its draining, Its a job for which there really was no training. Wiping counters, butts and noses, Cleaning up while famly dozes. Making sure kids wear clean undies, Working all week long, plus Saturdays and Sund-ies. Kissing boo boos, multi-tasking, Know your kids hurt without asking. Gasoline goes by the tank-full, Its for all of this and more your familys thankful! Happy Mothers Day!

These kids, they'll drive you straight into the nuthouse... and by the way, they shaved the dog. These kids, they think the world revolves around them... and by the way, the sink is clogged. And then, the principal would like to see you, What this concerns, you have no clue. And then, some person called who needed someone To volunteer... and now that's you. Mothers! Mothers! You have to do it all! Mothers! Mothers! You're there each time they fall.You're out of milk, you need a hug, The cat threw up on your new rug... |If only they all knew about the stuff that you go through.Mothers! Mothers! You cook, you clean, you work Mothers! Mothers! Trying not to go berserk! Kids need a ride, they want tattoos, They want two-hundred-dollar shoes! On Mother's Day, we thank you for the great things that you do.Hey! On Mother's Day we thank you for the great things that you do !Happy Mother's Day!

Thanks for being organized when others fail to be. Thanks for your leadership and strong integrity. Thanks for all the things you do with never a complaint. Thanks for being cool and calm and showing such restraint. Thanks for your support and all the wisdom that you share. But, mostly, thank you very much for always being there! You deserve to have an awesome Boss's Day.

CHIN #1: In the fourth week of November As Im sure were all aware, We celebrate Thanksgiving And we eat till were impaired. Watch some football on the TV And parades with relatives, No one spills the gravy On the tablecloth and lives. ALL CHINS: Turkey on the table Its Thanksgiving Day Sauce made from cranberries, Broccoli souffl, When I eat more food Than a rabid beast, Youll know its at the annual Thanksgiving feast. CHIN #2: I see yams and I see brussel sprouts And green bean casserole, Mashed potatoes and hot stuffing Overflowing from the bowl. CHIN #3: Then theres pumpkin pie and whipped cream Triple layer carrot cake, My chin gets tired from chewing And I have a tummy ache. ALL CHINS: Turkey on the table Its Thanksgiving Day Sauce made from cranberries, Broccoli souffl, When I eat more food Than a rabid beast, Youll know its at the annual Thanksgiving feast. Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody

Working at the North Pole building toys out of a wooden block can surely put a damper on your day. Being two feet tall and having pointy ears and hats and shoes can also limit jobs with decent pay. Having Santa for a boss may sound exciting for a while, but really its just basically okay. This busy time of the year, its hard to keep running around like this. Scooping after reindeers just another thing we have to do, Santa likes the snow all clean and white. Answering the letters that the Fat Man gets from everywhere and they dont stop arriving day or night. We need a break our little feet ache, you think its easy making sure that red suit fits? Decorating Christmas trees and harvesting the mistletoe, you cant do all this working 9 to 5. Sure were sweet and jolly and were cute as boughs of holly, but these holidays put us in overdrive. We guess its fun, and when alls said and done, we hope your Christmas is the best one yet. Merry Christmas from one hard-working little elf to another.

What are you doing for Valentines Day? Some wear bright red outfits that are really hard to miss. Some prepare to pucker their lips as they try to steal a kiss. Some give special homemade gifts to people that they really adore. Some buy lots of chocolate from the chocolate candy store. Some go out for dinner, yeah to a place that's really chic. Some will spend a quiet evening dancing cheek to cheek. Some barely even celebrate. Some go all out, its true But have yourself a special day No matter what you do! Happy Valentines Day

I thought I'd seen the last of you, And you want to see the end of me, Well Honey, this turkey won't be deceased for your Thanksgiving feast (just listen to me now!) I'm gonna make it! I know I can! I'm gonna live to see December, put away your roasting pan, I'm gonna miss out on being dished out, Hope mashed potatoes fill you up Cuz this turkey won't be stuffed You can have your yams and cranberries Have some pumpkin pie, but you can't have me! When the cookin' starts on that cold Thursday, This bold bird will be M.I.A. The main course has flown the coop. Drumsticks don't fail me now! I'm gonna make it! I know I can! I'm gonna live to see December, put down that roasting pan, Yes I'm a winner, not your family dinner Hope the dressing is enough Cuz this turkey won't be stuffed (Get a cow if ya wanna chow!) (you want some protein? serve some beans!)

Attention! Attention! We're now in for a treat: A few members of the class are going to give a little Valentine's Day performance . . . V is for this very special day. A for all the sweets comin' our way. L is for the love we're gonna spread. E for every candy heart in red. N is for nummy chocolate-covered kisses. T as in those --- chewy gummy fishes. I is easy: I love peanut-butter cups. N for 'nilla ice cream and sweet, sticky syrups. E --- it's all edible, colored hearts as hard as teeth. S for smooth white-chocolate with raspberry down beneath. D for do you like our Valentine's Day song? A --- See this candy? We can eat it all day long. Yippeeeee!

Oh (name) you know I love you so much! C'mon Baby, put on your (favorite clothes) looking so fine. I want to eat you up like a (favorite dessert) you drive me out of my mind! Baby, don't you know I think you're so divine! I want to take you out and go (favorite activity) till the end of time! (name) I love you! Ooooohhhh Yeeeaaah

The story of St. Patricks Day begins in Ireland On hillsides with the green, green grass Beneath the Irish sun. St. Patty put this grass of green in baskets he did weave, and filled them up with chocolate eggs For children to receive. uhm, actually, I think youve got it wrong, therelisten to thisahem. St. Pattys Day commemorates a date from long ago: The Pilgrims and the natives dined, on food that they did grow, along with fish and turkeys too, they ate their peas and corn, They later added football, and a holiday was born. NO...no...no ya eejit! Thats not it St. Padddys day is when the kids go around with their scary masks and Achhh! You doont have the sense you were born with, Lad, its when Santa comes down the chimn That shows what you know... Make no mistake about it Im wishing you a Happy St. Patricks Day! and then if the turkey sees his shadow... For some No Blarney Facts About St. Patricks Day, click any of the Shamrocks! sharmrock #1 St. Patricks Day is the annual feast of St. Patrick (circa AD 385-461), a patron saint of Ireland. According to legend, St. Patrick used the green three-leaf clover (the shamrock) to explain the holy trinity to the Christians of Ireland. This is how the wearing of the green became a tradition. sharmrock #2 Although an Irish holiday, the largest St. Patricks Day parade in the world is in New York City, where 150,000 marchers participate. sharmrock #3 The Chicago River is dyed green each year for St. Patricks Day. sharmrock #4 In Canada, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Argentina and the US, St. Patricks Day is not an official holiday, but is widely celebrated.

Hark! How the chins, Upside-down chins, Smooth or with beard, All will be heard! Christmas is here. Bringing good cheer. Lips, teeth, and tongue, Songs will be sung. Round and oblong, Singing their song, Whiskers or not, Chins sing a lot. One seems to hear, Words of good cheer, From every chin, Singing again. Oh! how they sing. Voices do ring. O'er nose and face, Going every place. Gaily mouths chew, While chins renew. Goodwill and cheer, Christmas is here. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas. Oh, how the chins, Sing with their grins, Their melody, So chinfully Merry Christmas!

Is it hot in here? ...or is it just me? I provide beauty, warmth and light for the whole family. When these 8 candles are all lighted, Though it's clear everyone's excited, In my glow they will bask, but I just have to ask: Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Is it warm in here? I have to say I spend most of the year packed up away, Though the food is frying in the kitchen, I'm the one who's really schvitzin' With 9 sticks of fire, I just have to inquire: Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Warmest wishes for a Happy Hanukkah.

Deck the tree with balls so flashy. Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la la la. Homemade ornaments just look trashy. We bring joy and memory sharing. We were made with love and caring You were made with paste and pine tar -- We're not even sure what you are! You're just copies, we are handmade. We have charms that never will fade. Even though you came before us... Let's all be one happy chorus! We're with you and glad to be here! Fa la la, la la la, la la la Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!