How can I keep my kids from being frightened by scary media this Halloween?

Q: My kids (10 and 7) have been invited to a number of Halloween-themed parties this year that are being held at their schools and at the homes of a few of their friends. Several of these parties will have scary movies, scary music, and in one case (the school’s) a dramatic reading of a scary book. I’m concerned that while all of these media are “for kids”, my kids may be too scared by them. Neither of my children particularly love Halloween, and two years ago, my eldest saw a relatively tame scary movie that gave her nightmares for weeks! How can I tell what scary media will be okay for my kids and which media they should avoid?

~In Need of Halloween Help in Lincoln, NH

A: Dear Halloween,

Our culture embraces scary media as entertainment in part because it can draw quick and reliable responses from the broadest audience—the primal human response of fear crosses cultural and language barriers with ease. Normal human response to something we fear is to avoid it, as your children are doing, or to attempt to master it, by seeing it over and over again. Many parents want their children to master fear, believing that it will strengthen and prepare them for the “real world”. Avoidance, however, may be the healthier response—not only is it a survival skill that helps your children recognize and avoid danger, but it is also an expression of their natural empathy for others—they don’t want to see others threatened or hurt.

One you have seen something, you can’t “unsee” it, no matter how hard you try. While findings indicate that desensitization and increased aggression may result from repeated viewings of violent media, research by Joanne Cantor has shown that children who are scared by media only require a single exposure to be traumatized. She found college students who had seen Jaws as young children and who still would not go into the water.

One option during a season like Halloween where scary events can be anticipated is to have your children throw their own party that includes less scary media or other activities that work for them (remember bobbing for apples?). If your children are invited to a party and don’t want to be left out, inform the host that your children are easily frightened and ask them to help your kids leave the room without calling attention to it when scary stories or media are about to happen. This may clue the parents in so they change the program to be more inclusive, but, even if the program is not changed, it can empower your children to remove themselves from scary media moments that you didn’t anticipate.