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Author
Topic: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO? (Read 42362 times)

Yeah i'd say I probably still think about HIV most days when you compare it to what I was like 6 months ago there isn't a comparision really. I think theres many factors that effect how much HIV dominates your thoughts though. The amount of time since your diagnosis, your current labs and if you are on medication or not and how well your are responding to it. I don't see the amount of time that HIV occupies your thoughts as a weakness though it's just different for everyone.

Wow...got to read some more post to my original thread. I have to say that I am not too happy with this site. There are truly a lot of jealous people (Jealousy brew hatred) some..thought my post was condesending. Some who think I have not learned anything about being HIV+. I am HIV... I have AIDS. I am sure I know as much as you and I am dealing with it! Even some that made a snide comment about me retiring from the Navy and giving 20+ years of my life to give you freedom. etc. I have Jesus Christ in my life and I know it because of him, I have done as good as I have with both my diseases. I do truly feel sorry for many on here that took my post as condesending...jealousy had NO Place. That is why your obviously unhappy. Many post were good. I will definetly look at other sites to help people...or should I just turn the other cheek. You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life. Keep your negative comments to yourself and your pity for yourself. Many people have it way worse than you! Most of you have life, there are 17 18 year old going over to Iraq and never coming back...never got to enjoy there 20 year birthday and your whining about your HIV... Get over it. Its life and deal with it...put your pity somewhere else and grow up. I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help. This site is truly sad.

P.S.- I thought Alan's post was very well-said. Even if I didn't take the initial post as condescending (which I didn't), I can acknowledge that Alan was being very open and honest with his emotion. And his emotion is a very normal reaction to these sorts of discussions. Who hasn't been jealous or envious of others? Who hasn't thought, "why me" about something? I think Alan said the same thing others said, but phrased it in a way that should have caused less resentment and animosity.

Just thought you all would appreciate this very Personal Message just received from Ed.

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Wow what an attitude. If that is truly the way you look at things in life you are truly not Thriving as stated. You are obviously not a happy person. Sorry to hear that. Yeah though I would serve my county so you could have freedom! Later!

Jealousy? Hardly. I think we can all say we are happy you are doing so well. That's great for you. Others are not doing so well. Others have debilitating side effects of the medication. Others are dying.

You can feel sorry for others as much as you like. I don't think it has anything to do with jealousy though. To make such a statement that jealousy is the reason other people are unhappy is just stupid.

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You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life.

That applies equally to you as well. Maybe once your health isn't so good, you might have a bit more of a clue what some people are going through.

I submit that by saying

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Get over it.

in a support forum is not exactly being supportive.

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I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help. This site is truly sad.

I wish you well. This site is about real discussions and providing support and help. I am glad you need neither the support or help that many of us do and find here on a daily basis.

I also submit that you are not doing as well as you claim, as evidenced by your attacks on others.

Dearest Timmy, and Bailey....I am profoundly touched by your ability to be restrained within this thread. I applaud your measured responses, as I am apparently far too enraged by this author's innuendo to be of mindful conversation.

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No Fear No Shame No StigmaHappiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

I was diagnosed in 1989...might as well have been yesterday. Each time a friend dies, a lover dies or I have a conversation with my partner ( who has the AIDS designation) or I have a walk in the country I think about HIV. Every day for the past 17 years.

Let's see, do you want real discussions and help? Or insults and name calling? I think most of the replies have been quite genuine - consistent with what each member has written in the 10 months I've been reading these boards. You asked the question; don't get all pissy when you don't get the answers you expected.

I don't see a lot of self-pity here, some, but not a lot. I see regret. Sometimes I see fear. I the bitterness that sometimes comes with difficult challenges. I see people having difficulty dealing with various afflictions. I see people who want information. I see people who want support. I see people who are quite happy. I see people who are very sad. I see people in love, and people longing for love. I see the well-off, and I see the destitute. I see religious believers, as well as non-believers.

This is, however, the first time I've seen the arrogance that so fills some of the more zealous followers of Christ so well displayed. If you're going to be vindictive, I'm sure he'd prefer if you just left his name out of it. Remember the words of Matthew:

"Therefore, when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do, in the synagogues, and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily, I say unto you, they have their reward."......."And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues, and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily, I say unto you, They have their reward."

Don't brag how strong the Lord has made you just yet. It's still early in the game for you.

Thanks Cliff, I'm glad you understood what I meant. It's the same as poor people feeling 'envious' of the rich, it is only natural that someone who is sick would be envious of someone else's good health. I know that jealousy/envy is not a healthy emotion, and I try to deal with it the best way I can, and I do sincerely attempt to be happy for all those who are doing well with HIV. I hope the ones newly diagnosed and those just beginning treatment NEVER have to go through what I have gone through....too many hospitalizations to remember, too many blood transfusions to keep count of.

I can't help it that I feel like 'damaged goods', because all those years of being an 'end stage' AIDS patient have taken a toll on me, mentally as well as physically. My feet are damaged, my nerves are damaged, my veins are damaged (DVT) and my heart is damaged (CHF). My damaged heart is still capable of giving a lot of love, and my weary brain is certainly willing to receive all the love I can get. I love my AIDSmeds family.

Alan

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"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

USN... It's unfortunate that you could not, or rather you chose not to do as you preach. Perhaps you could have reached out and touched someone, and gave your time, knowledge and support to them. Heaven forbid... instead you chose to knock people who are not feeling as GOOD AS YOU say you are... and that's a shame. Too bad, your loss. See ya USN! Have a nice time in the other forums. For we here will SMILE , move forward, give our time to someone else who needs it, and YES, WE WILL LIVE!!!

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"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit." Eleanor Roosevelt

No, we don't know you, USNRET, but from what you've shown so far in this thread, I don't want to. You asked us a question, and we responded--truthfully, I believe. You now have shown you don't want to know about us, either. Many of us have reasons to think and feel differently from you, but you are not interested in learning about those thoughts and feelings, because they don't agree with yours, because it's not what you want to hear, because no one is allowed to feel and think differently from you.

Unfortunately, your attitude only further proves (if any further proof were needed) how loving and charitable and better-than-thou so many of those with Jesus Christ (who I was taught to believe was Love) in their lives can be. You so proudly claim his presence in your life, but I was also taught that Jesus said pride was a sin.

I am happy that your attitude toward your HIV is so positive, but it does not give you the right to look down upon those of us who, for many different reasons, do not feel quite so lackadaisacal about it. I would suggest you take a few moments from your ecstatic existence with Jesus to learn a little about the history of the AIDS epidemic and how it has traumatized many of us who have lived with it since 1981. And if you cannot have some Christian compassion toward those who are not doing as well as you are, I would also suggest you show some human compassion--unless, of course, Jesus in your life has already transmogrified you into a pure spirit who does not feel like a human being but judges like a god.

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"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Wow...got to read some more post to my original thread. I have to say that I am not too happy with this site. There are truly a lot of jealous people (Jealousy brew hatred) some..thought my post was condesending. Some who think I have not learned anything about being HIV+. I am HIV... I have AIDS. I am sure I know as much as you and I am dealing with it! Even some that made a snide comment about me retiring from the Navy and giving 20+ years of my life to give you freedom. etc. I have Jesus Christ in my life and I know it because of him, I have done as good as I have with both my diseases. I do truly feel sorry for many on here that took my post as condesending...jealousy had NO Place. That is why your obviously unhappy. Many post were good. I will definetly look at other sites to help people...or should I just turn the other cheek. You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life. Keep your negative comments to yourself and your pity for yourself. Many people have it way worse than you! Most of you have life, there are 17 18 year old going over to Iraq and never coming back...never got to enjoy there 20 year birthday and your whining about your HIV... Get over it. Its life and deal with it...put your pity somewhere else and grow up. I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help. This site is truly sad.

Well we should just consider ourselves well and truly told! I must say I'm rather relieved to hear USNRET stomp off down the corridor in a snit. All this "I'm so filled with Jesus, I don't even THINK of AIDS anymore" carry on was starting to grate on my nerves Let us give thanks to USNRET's god that he decided to leave after only 19 posts. I would have attempted a line by line exegesis of his final hissy-fit, but it seems much better quoted as one amorphous blob of blah.

This thread rather reminds me of the one that the NEGuys or whatever their/his name was posted last year in the old forums about how we should all just get over ourselves and stop whingeing about having AIDS and be grateful for what we do have, goddamit. I'm sure many brothers and sisters remember that one. Turned into a rather diverting cat-fight.

Ah good times.

Outside of that there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this thread, other than the ungracious attitudes of USNRET. 'nuff said really.

I do sincerely attempt to be happy for all those who are doing well with HIV. I hope the ones newly diagnosed and those just beginning treatment NEVER have to go through what I have gone through....too many hospitalizations to remember, too many blood transfusions to keep count of.

Thank you for elaborating Alan. Heck, I'll be the first to admit sometimes I feel a little envious of zephyr and ozpaul because they're LTNP's - but it seems like we're all a part of a jigsaw puzzle

Outside of that there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this thread...MtD

I beg to differ Matty. The dignity and good grace with which everyone responded is absolutely noteworthy. I'm really proud of you all - and I'm sure everyone knows what I'm saying here. Good stuff. Thanks.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I beg to differ Matty. The dignity and good grace with which everyone responded is absolutely noteworthy. I'm really proud of you all - and I'm sure everyone knows what I'm saying here. Good stuff. Thanks.

I don't think of my HIV very often anymore. Just when I go for my regular lab tests and check ups. I have never had an OI nor have I ever been sick from my HIV in the 16 years that I've had it. I take meds for HIV. I just have never sat around dwelling on the fact that I have it.I'm pretty sure this is the most I've thought about it (since I found this forum a few days ago)since I was diagnosed. I think I've gotten a cold 3 or 4 x's in the past 16 years.

So ... our tendency to think about HIV is based on our own health? The health of others, the legislation and socio/political stuff that impacts so many people, especially woman, more especially women of color, doesn't matter unless we are personally sick?

God/dess, that's sad.

I submit that if the folks who managed to take the time to type their messages saying how they have never been sick and therefore do not think about HIV were to take that time and energy in writing letters to Congress, petitioning the CDC for accurate and comprehensive HIV education, and even making a rukus here and there, where warranted, we would have strong allies in the war on HIV.

As it stands, it would appear that until some people need that hospital bed, they really don't care whether it exists for others. Maybe I have misread some of the posts, or misunderstood them. But wow.

Jonathan(who, whatever else you can say, is not afraid to make the occasional rukus)

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I submit that if the folks who managed to take the time to type their messages saying how they have never been sick and therefore do not think about HIV were to take that time and energy in writing letters to Congress, petitioning the CDC for accurate and comprehensive HIV education, and even making a rukus here and there, where warranted, we would have strong allies in the war on HIV.

I'm trying. In my defense, all my friends from 1993-present are corporate fags who de-stress with booze, cigs, illicit drugs and sex. (Yes, they respect my holistic "Carrie Nation" choices) AIDS activism is the furthest thing from their minds. I know zero activists and zero about the subculture. BUT I'm trying, taking baby steps of course - independently and with the help of others. I'm certainly not the rally-scream-get-thrown-in-jail type

Baby steps are all we need, in a world where so few take any steps at all. Thank you for what you do

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I think about HIV every day. Not because i have it but because my hubby has it. I have to admit that before that I never thought bout HIV unless there was something on the news or in the paper.

I dont think that the people here that posted that they dont think about it because they havent been sick are in no way trying to diminish the fact that others here have had a horrible time with their HIV. I think they simply responded to as it implies to them.

How do you know that they havent taken the time and their energy to write to congress?

Maybe im just naive..i dont try to look for hidden meanings or hidden agendas in what people post.

I am not sure why,but the response "don't really think about HIV anymore" always leaves me puzzled. Is it an age thing, denial, what is it that envokes this response? Visit other HIV sites and it seems to be the common answer...especially dating sites. When asked most people answer "I don't think about it". Maybe it is just me but I would never date a poz person that didn't think about it.

Quote from Matty: (This thread rather reminds me of the one that the NEGuys or whatever their/his name was posted last year in the old forums about how we should all just get over ourselves and stop whingeing about having AIDS and be grateful for what we do have, goddamit.)

Oh Matty, I remember those two-arrogant asses all to well. Could it be that USN has been invited over to enjoy himself/them in their hot tub? Party Time!

Iím just afraid that the attitude of people like USN is contagious within groups not yet exposed to a life of HIV/AIDS. And makes those that are yet to be infected with HIV not really worry much about the consequences of their actions.

Hell look at him! Heís got no problems. So what the hey, get AIDS. There's nothing to it! This is the wrong message to send to anyone at any age of life.

Terry (Who today is thinking about the high cost of toilet paper and is it septic friendly)

I think about HIV every day. Not because i have it but because my hubby has it. I have to admit that before that I never thought bout HIV unless there was something on the news or in the paper.

I dont think that the people here that posted that they dont think about it because they havent been sick are in no way trying to diminish the fact that others here have had a horrible time with their HIV. I think they simply responded to as it implies to them.

How do you know that they havent taken the time and their energy to write to congress?

Maybe im just naive..i dont try to look for hidden meanings or hidden agendas in what people post.

Teresa

Nice post Hope your husband's doing good

Ms. Lipstick (your avatar) looks like "Marian the Librarian"!

IMO it would be nice if this thread can be *bumped* --to the bottom of the barrell!

I think about it all the time. In fact, I'm on this web site now. I just dont worry about it anymore.

Worth quoting

I think about HIV a lot, but mainly in the abstract. Risk assessment in the FEARS forum, looking up scientific stuff, communicating with my pen pal, that sort of thing.

But in my own body, I don't really do the HIV obsession much. When I have a fever (had one for the past two days) I think "Jeez, I wish this fever would break." But I don't think "this is HIV, this is AIDS, this is the death of me." When I get tired easily, I wonder if energy drinks will perk me up (sometimes yes, sometimes no) but my brain doesn't go all AIDSy over it.

HIV is assimilated into my life. I concern myself with the day to day stuff that happens, or doesn't, in my body. And according to some folks, I maybe OUGHT to think more about HIV. And perhaps when I restart meds, I will give HIV more personal consideration on a daily (or twice daily) basis.

But usually I am thinking about other stuff. Even when I am researching HIV stuff, it's all pretty abstract. I've researched my own illness, and my unique illnesses, and I am happy with my current sate of knowledge and awareness regarding them. HIV as an entity is just too big, too much, to try and carry around part and parcel. It will make you crazy to obsess over it for very long.

If you are healthy, then enjoy that health. If you are sick, work on getting better. Break off chunks you can swallow, if you can. There might be days, or nights, when you can't. That's what a support system, including this forum, is for. Because we get it. Seriously, we do. A good deal of the war against HIV is fought in the head, and in the heart - most especially for the newly diagnosed and the healthy.

« Last Edit: June 23, 2006, 07:07:53 PM by jkinatl2 »

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I'm vaguely in the same boat as Jonathan, in that I think about hiv for hours and hours every day - but in the abstract. I mean, over in the Am I forum, I also get to think about sex all the time too - but that's abstract as well. I never get all hot and bothered about it and I never (ok, rarely) get all hot and bothered about hiv either. It's just part of my life.

I always have to wait six week between having my blood drawn and getting my results. I used to fret a lot about it and dwell on it, but now I don't really think of it until I'm sitting in the waiting room on results day. Then I sometimes get a little butterflyieish... but even that happens less and less.

I think I think about everyone's hiv but my own. And I also realise that I have that luxury because my virus isn't constantly tugging at my skirts, wanting attention like a bratty, screaming, snot-nosed kid. I know how damn lucky I am in that regard and ... there but for the grace.... I know that.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Have any of you ever had a colonoscopy? The laxative you take the day before the scope gives a person the worst diarrhea.

Well that was my first two years of living with hiv, diarrhea everyday with only three exceptions of time that lasted about 4 days each. All the rest of the time I was tied to a bathroom. The fatigue was also very debilitating and lasted about the first one and a half to two years of living with hiv.

Today however I'm half way into my third year and doing much better. I just tossed and stacked three cords of wood and have been doing some major landscaping in my yard the past two weeks. No fatigue or diarrhea for quite some time, like months. My strength and stamina are back and appear to be increasing. My immune system numbers are just under what is considered normal but having hiv is never far from my conscious thoughts.

I always remember I have hiv least I forget to take my meds and I've been able to associate lunch with meds. Also, the more I push myself with hard physical work or exercise the better my body seems to deal with hiv and the meds I take.

I remember being told that each person deals with hiv in their own time. Some people cope quickly, for me it took two and a half years. I finally figured out how to work out the various problems and side effects and now feel much better. I'm looking forward to getting back to my old hobbies and stomping grounds.

BB

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Damn the Torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Adm. D. Farragut.

Started Atripla 8/18/06 and if I eat the right food when I take my meds, I get to go on a-trip-la.

I'm newly diagnosed as of April 2006 and this is my first post. My CD4 count is 105 and VL is 57,000. I would imagine that since I'm new to this, i do think about it everyday. How can i not. all the fears and worries about interactions and side effects that will put a burden on my life. i know there is no other choice than to take the meds which i will be starting next week sometime. oh ya, the nausea and diarrhea to come..woo hoo! doc, get that prescription ready! yea i say that in gest, of course. how else can i look at it. i also have Hep B to boot. so I'm just trying to grin and bare all the possibilities that await me in the future. i was reading all the postings in here and after just reading a few posts, i just broke down. it came from no where. i think it was an emotional tide that swept over me. it was kind of cathartic though. in the days that follow i can imagine the toll that hiv will put on my life. I've read endless stories, facts and statistics involving the many facets of our illness. i do try to keep a positive outlook about my future as i hope everyone in here does. and I'm sharing this hoping that i might find some online friends who are going through this and maybe telling there stories may help me get through these trying days, and maybe if someone reads this, they will be able to somehow relate and realize that they are not alone. we are in this together! i have some great friends in my life who are poz as well. i look at them and see how active and happy they are in their lives and i think if they remain in that frame of mind that keeps them kicking days to day with a smile on their face, then so can i. I started this post feeling a bit down and yes, thinking about all the negative things that might effect me. but oddly this really has helped me. so off i go to do some more research...but not until i have my chocolate sundae with sprinkles with a cherry on top! till next time friends =)

The more I read this site, the more I'm inclined to figure out how to get to Montreal. Save for the clinic visits when I chat it up with my medical team and peer counselor, this site is a new television channel for me. Relevant, provocative, funny, wide-ranging. No program director could come up with such diverse topics. Even though USNRET may not be present to read one more response to his thread initiation, I will add simply that if there's been a day, and there may well have been, that I didn't think about HIV, then I missed it. Must have been sidetracked by something or some set of things. I hope it was fun and not stress. No doubt about it HIV has changed me in myriad ways. And, as a direct result of reading this particular thread, I'm going to find out what AIDS hospice providers exists in my region so that I can volunteer if someone has no one to be with them and I intend to contact our local ASOs to see how I can be of service to them. If I've got the time to be here (and I'll concede there's an addictive magnetism to this site) then I can be out in the world providing care, commentary or encouragement. This thread was a wakeup call for me. I thought I was doing some proactive things in the world of HIV, but I dare say, I've not scratched the surface. Thank you, all of you!

I think about it daily when I swallow cyto-toxic chemicals that are probably killing albeit more slowly than this damn virus would. I have accepted that this virus is mine and is a part of me. I will do my best to keep it at bay and I think I have done well considering where I have come from. However, I do know, in the back of mind that someday it will probably kill me (or the meds will) I only hope it is quick and painless because I do not want to be a burden on anyone.

It's truly ****ed up my life. I experience a lot of side effects of just being infected, even with decent numbers. I feel pretty crappy on a daily basis, where as before infection, I hardly ever felt ill or sick. You can't see it on the outside, which sometimes makes it worst, because everyone thinks I'm A-ok.

Ringing in my ears drives me crazy. I feel like I have a lump in my throat. I cough a lot. I never really feel too energetic anymore. Etc, etc, etc.

I have been poz for 10 years myself. Had VERY low TC and very HI VL, but from day one my Dr. told me to NOT let HIV run my life. I heeded his advice!

Yes, i think about it everry night b4 bed when i take my meds, and everytime my company wants to change health care plans - but i, like a few others on this thread, decided to not let it run or ruin my life.

To date, my walk with HIV has been uneventful! Mostly in part to my RABID attention to takin my meds, NOT taking any of those fucking NASTY drugs like Crystal Meth, or X, or GHB. Hell, ,i don't even smoke pot!

I enjoy my glass of wine wiht dinner most nights, the occational cocktail when out with friends - but i think i have had a hangover mabye 5 times in the last 10 years (gotta watch after the old Liver).

So, YES i do think about HIV from time to time - but in the same way a person with high blood pressure thinks about taking their meds to keep IT under control.

I see so many guys who find out and jsut give up. They pour themselves into drugs, or booze and bareback anyone they can as often as they can - and wonder why they can't find a lover or why their health is so bad.

I know its not everyone - hell most of us made that mistake and did a stupid thing and got infected. But, as far as i'm concerned - life is a gift. And i plan on seeing my son graduate high school, college, get married, and bouncing my grandkids on my knee!

I just spent a week without reading a newspaper or accessing the internet. Phone switched off. Pile of old books next to my bed. Every movie John Hughes ever made. For the first time in ten months (or is it ten years?) I didn't think about HIV on a daily basis; in fact didn't think about it all week. It simply didn't intrude upon my consciousness. (The one exception was when I posted a brief message here.) A much-needed time-out, break, breather.

Jay

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Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

I was diagnosed as Positive in May 2003 and was a fast progressor as I went to full-blown in less than 18 months. I had a hard time accepting the fact that others were doing so much better than me. When I started on meds last November I waited impatiently for my numbers to rebound. My Viral load finally fell to undetectable but my TCells have only climbed back to 192 (11%). The day I got my undetectable test results, I cried. How can I *not* think of this uninvited guest on a daily basis when it gives me no respite? I have learned bitterness does me no good. Although my TCells seem to be on permanent vacation, I know that I am more fortunate than many of those who are on this journey and I rejoice that I am here today. Tomorrow is not a guarantee for any of us and, at the very least, I'm still here!

Think about it?; how can you not? Some of us have complications from HIV(mine PN) that remind us daily whether we want to think about it or not. And so many other things to consider not to mention the most important: SEX! Don't really wanna go there, but at first, I never wanted to have sex again. But with many other things going on, in time things settled and came around. My first year was a trauma, guess yours has been good to you or you're just still in denial?! Nothing wrong with early acceptance, it's what you do with it. I've had no OIs either, put the PN changed my life drastically, just a 'little' side effect, not from meds but the disease itself. So we learn to cope one day at a time.

I can't say that I don't think about it often because I do. Its' just in a different way. I have been on meds for almost 6 years and I have a happier, more productive life than ever. But HIV continues to change my life and I continue to be reminded that I am positive. One of the recent ways my life has changed is in my social life. I can hardly stand to drink anymore. One or 2 drinks and I am in bed for half the day the next day with a hangover. I went to college in New Orleans where the bars don't close and a few years ago I could go out, stay out drinking all night, sleep for a couple of hours and head to work. That's not to say that I would still be doing that at this point because I wouldn't do that now anyway. But, I have meds to take at night, so when my friends are leaving the bar and going to the after party, I have to head home and that feels lonely sometimes. So, that's just one example of how I am constantly reminded. HIV doesn't let me forget.

hi guys!i'm new in this forum!i got the news last year in september 05. first i got scared but then i got with my life and thought i could face this new "challange" in my life. first i didn't thought really about it. well i knew what i had. i knew what i had to do but i thought of it as a chronical disease. things got along... then one month ago - in june - i went to the doctor and he told me to start taking meds. i panicked. i thought the end was coming..... it's kinda strange when u have to take the meds. u get more aware of what u have.i think about it very seriously when i take the meds at night - i'm having truvada and stocrin. but normally the feeling doesnt get out of my mind.... i have something strange inside myself. that's what annoys me the most. 25 years and still no clues!!!!well i hope i can start being a regular over herecheersfran

I found out I had AIDS/HIV in July of 2000. I'm now 52. I stopped having sex in 1992, so it came as a total shock when I came down with PCP. I knew I was sick, but HIV never entered my mind. I blamed myself for a while, a little depression creeped in at first. I went back to work after 6 months, never keeping it a secret. No one was bothered buy knowing I had HIV. I think that helped a lot in my mentel state. Six years later and having two compete hip replacements, due to the treatment for PCP, I just take my MEDS, a handful at a time, twice a day, and don't think about it. I don't feel sorry for my self. The side affects are a royal pain in the butt, literally, if you know what I mean. I am now on MEDICARE PLAN D, which is a big problem, but I'm getting through it. It's not the end of the world, not yet. Hang in there guys & gals.

I was diagnosed less than six months ago and began meds the month after. I have experienced a recovery in CD4 levels similar to yours in this first brief period. While I remain optimistic - who couldn't with so many here holding out for years, if not decades - I don't think it will be any time soon that a day goes by without my thinking of my status. I owe it to myself and those around me to remain vigilant!