In hindsight, I'm pretty proud of my adventurous shame walks the morning after Halloween, so calling them "strides of pride" would be more appropriate. But when they were happening, I experienced the shame. The shame was unwarranted, but it was real, baby.

Luckily, shame can't kill you. So, I'm very much alive and very much enthused to share every exact thought that will go through your head the morning of November 1, and how you will survive such an emotional whirlwind.

"Where the hell am I?"

You peer outside a stained window, and even though you're a born-and-bred New Yorker, you swear to goddess you've never seen that deli sign across the street. Are you even in New York?!

This is when you love technology. You can simply grab your phone and drop pin yourself on Google Maps to find out.

You grab your purse that's resting on top of a sleeping boy dressed as Jesus, and you head out, jacket-less, into the cold, windy, fall air. Surely your phone is in your bag, it's always in your bag. Just get out the goddamn door of this sketchy ass apartment and drop that pin, baby!

"I'm a RECKLESS LOSER, AND MY LIFE IS FALLING APART."

A car whizzes by you. "WHOOORRRREEEEE," screams the fuckboy in the passenger seat.

Normally, you would flick him off and scream something lewd in response. But suddenly, you feel really fragile and alone in the world.

You were already only subsisting on false confidence, and your hangover is putting you in a really vulnerable place. One nasty comment from a bonehead boy-creature, and you're in the throes of a very real meltdown.