“As
you may have ascertained by
now. I have little desire to follow the tried and true, boring and
solemn path to electoral disaster. I intend to say some very serious
things, but I don’t see any reason to be funereal about it
all. I must assume that the GOP prefers a candidate who is solemn but
not serious over a candidate who is serious but not solemn. A candidate
who is serious (as opposed to a serious candidate), as you well know,
has no prospect of victory in American politics, so there is little
danger of my being exiled to the District of Columbia. Still, the
prospect of making new enemies is damned inviting.”
— Professor
John Frary

Some have wondered if I am a serious candidate. They must suppose
because I am not the usual dreary root canal stuff people have come to
associate with politics I must not be "serious". This just looks all
too fun.

Reality check: All three GOP Governor candidates from
2006 have endorsed me. The immediate past Senate Minority Leader
introduced me to the State Committee. I've sold off a major portion of
my stock portfolio that I inherited from my liberal aunt (God rest her
soul, and she must be rolling over in her grave right now) to launch
the campaign, And I'm running better in the polls than any other
challenger to Michaud at this early stage of the campaign.

And
you'd like me to run a more boring and conventional campaign just so
you can feel better about my chances? Just so I can look a little more
like the other sacrificial sheep? No, thank you. I'm in this to WIN.

Frary, the former New Jersey
professor who moved back to his native Farmington a few years ago, has
announced he'll run for the Republican nomination to face U. S. Rep.
Michael Michaud in November. Michaud has represented Maine's 2nd
District in Congress since 2002, and has faced weaker and weaker
opposition and grown his margin of victory to landslide proportions.

Now comes Frary, a character
whose vocabulary is to Michaud's as a fine claret is to a warm glass of
Pabst Blue Ribbon.

This is what Frary had to say
about why he is running: "Nobody else is, and I thought that Mike
Michaud, being an interchangeable part of Congress, might be
vulnerable."

See what we mean -- that's a
heck of a good line. Not just funny, but there's a lot of truth to it.

It's about time we had some
candidates who said what they thought, and damn the consequences. But
supporters be warned -- we know from experience (Frary was once a
columnist here), he doesn't take direction well.

Frary's candidacy may not be
great for the Republicans -- a loose cannon is fun to watch 'til it
heads in your direction -- but he'll be a boon to reporters. Frary will
be floridly candid, or candidly floral and, if you have a big
dictionary handy, you can learn some new words. ”

SOLEMN
VS. SERIOUS: How to Tell Them Apart

A solemn
politician would sooner bite his own toes off than give
a direct answer to a direct question. He loves foggy generalities and
fears clarity like the Devil fears holy water.A serious candidate
treats his campaign as an opportunity to say thing he thinks needs to
be said, and tries to say them clearly.

A solemn
politician pulses with synthetic passion and likes to
tell the voters all about it.A serious candidate
understands that passion is the characteristic of demagogues.
rabble-rousers and boob-bumpers. When he thinks about passionate
speeches, he visualizes Adolf Hitler.

A solemn
politician is a self-centered egomaniac who "cares"
about "the peepul". A serious candidate
admits he cares more about family, friends, colleagues and
acquaintances than he cares about total strangers.

A solemn
politician wears a perpetual frozen smile on his face
like a cheerful village idiot, and if the smile ever slips, he has an
adviser to remind him to reassemble it.A serious candidate
allows himself to look grumpy when he feels grumpy.

A solemn
politician lards his speech with standardized words and
phrases that focus interviews tell him make the voters’
hearts go pit-a-pat.A serious candidate
would rather cut his testicles off with a trowel than talk cants
platitudes, and catch-phrases.

A solemn
politician talks constantly about
“fighting” for his constituents until
you’d think the halls of Congress were bloodier than the
streets of Baghdad.A serious candidate
admits that “fighting” for his constituents
involves negotiating, compromises, wheeling, and dealing.

A solemn
politician studies the polling data to learn how to lead.A serious candidate
regards infantile goo-googling as a higher form of human communication
than polling responses.

A solemn
politician pays large sums to consultants who design
“strategies” assembled from a bag of tricks that
would shame an organ-grinder’s monkey.A serious candidate
understands that most political “strategies” are
worn-out jokes that have lost even their comic value.

A solemn
politician gets up early to take credit for the sun
rising.A serious candidate
does not claim that he designed the Internet, the wheel, or sliced
bread.

A solemn
politician publicly deplores negative campaigning while
staying up late at night trying to figure the most effective way to
attack his opponent.A serious candidate
visualizes a large bull’s-eye on his opponent’s
trouser-seat.

A solemn
politician understands that the ultimate method of
negative campaigning is to accuse his opponent of negative campaigning.
A serious candidate
frankly acknowledges that negative campaigning is the only entertaining
aspect of modern campaigns.

A solemn
politician lives in fear of offending organized
“Victims” who are professionally indignant. A serious candidate
rejoices in the lamentations of perpetual whiners.

A solemn
politician talks boldly while timidly avoiding every
difficult issue. A serious candidate
speaks softly and tracks hard issues like a good cat tracks a rat.

A solemn
politician feeds on popularity like a cockroach feeds on
garbage. A serious candidate
leaves his yearning for popularity behind with his adolescence.

A solemn
politician expresses his
“compassion” by proposing to spend other
people’s money. A serious candidate
respects Mencken’s Law: “When A proposes to help B
by plundering C, then A is a scoundrel".

A
SERIOUS CANDIDATE RIDICULES ALL THESE
FRAUDS. SERIOUS
CANDIDATES MOSTLY LOSE ELECTIONS, BUT
FIGURE THEY’VE WON A VICTORY IF THEY ESCAPE A POLITICAL
CAMPAIGN WITH THEIR SELF-RESPECT MORE OR LESS INTACT

Cheers! John Frary

Endorsements:

I can’t thank these brilliant gentlemen enough
for the kind things they said about me, and I want to assure you that
any of their family members who may have been visiting me were promptly
released as well...

Senator Peter Mills: “John Frary has a superb
intellect and a profound knowledge of history. His wit and powers of expression
will add great depth to the discussion of issues affecting our nation
from the perspective of northern and central Maine. It will be a pleasure
to see him carrying the GOP banner throughout one of the largest and most
beautiful Congressional districts in our nation.”

Senator Chandler Woodcock: “John Frary is exceptionally
knowledgeable about the issues facing the people of Maine and the nation.
He has a masterful grasp of the political process and is willing to dedicate
himself to serving the people of the 2nd District. I greatly admire John's
grasp of the subtleties of the political arena and know that he will be
a wonderful Congressman whose votes will align with the beliefs of his
constituents. I wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy.”

Senator Paul Davis: "John Frary will bring intellect,
integrity and style to a Congress in desperate need of all three."

Dr Jon Reisman: “John will bring a sorely needed
conservative and common sense voice to the race. His erudition and command
over the issues will provide a telling contrast to the incumbent. John
will be an able advocate for freedom and limited government and against
the nanny state and the Move-on.org crowd that the incumbent has embraced.”