He has finally graduated from Portland HS in Maine – 65 years after he should have.

In 1939, Beane was months from a sheepskin when he was sick for two days with the flu. On his return, a woman – he’s not sure who – told him, “people like you shouldn’t be in school,” and he quit. He stayed away until he hit his 80s, when he finally decided it was time to get his diploma.

*

Karaoke singers in San Mateo, Calif., can still sound as bad as they want – but now, they’ll have to do it in public.

That’s because the city council has banned soundproof karaoke booths in nightclubs, calling them a haven for prostitution and underage drinking.

The edict has many karaoke fans, like bus driver Walter Lei, ready to quit.

“My voice is terrible,” he lamented. “If I was singing here, everybody would run off.”

*

In the gross-out item of the week, a Philadelphia teen says her neighborhood Chinese restaurant served her a fried sweet-potato ball stuffed with “a dirty, bloody, pus-filled Band-Aid.”

Anastasia Roberts, 14, is suing the Grand King Buffet for negligence after she allegedly chewed on the soiled bandage for at least 40 seconds before realizing what it was.

The eatery insists its food was fine.

*

An outdoor magazine is bound to lose a few subscribers – after recommending a route that would have had hikers plunging off a cliff on Britain’s biggest mountain.

Red-faced editors at Trail are urging readers to ignore the article, which tells how to navigate Ben Nevis in Scotland.

“I should have picked up [the error] in the final proofreading stage, but unfortunately, it slipped through,” said editor Guy Procter.

*

A German thief escaped from cops by faking a heart attack and fleeing when his cuffs were removed while he was being treated in a hospital.

“It seems he gave quite a convincing performance,” said a police spokeswoman in Dusseldorf, adding, “You can’t be too careful in these situations.”