Awesomeness can crawl by you and sometimes nibble on your ankle. But the preferred way to administer awesome is via speed shot. Usain Bolt is a showman. He is tall as a moose, but gallops like a gazelle. He is kind of a Jamaican douchebag, so I guess that makes him a jerk. But this Caribbean knows how to spice up the tracks. And this bolt of lightning will electrocute all forms of suck and wuss. He will run circles around awesome and then dip it in gold and wear it around his neck. The bad news, Bolt … you have to give up racing. The good news, Bolt … you get to take up chasing. Our army of awesomeness needs hunters who know how to close a gap. And we’re talking about the store, although that wouldn’t be so bad. Usain, your Ritual Shaving Kit is at the finish line somewhere in Beijing. Just keep running and I’m sure you’ll cross it sooner or later. On your mark, get set, Bolt!

SALUTATIONS.

Ritual Men's Grooming is tired of all the whiny, wimpy, nonsense that's infiltrated our minds and dexterity. It's like we've all surrendered to a matrix made of mouse shit. Sho-nuff! It's time for us to recruit an Army of Awesomeness. A team of grit and brawn that will build towers and defeat all forms of sucktitude and pussification. They will come in all shapes and sizes of awesome. They will dedicate their time on earth and other galactic planets to saving us by strengthening our thoughts and infusing power in our posture. Without worry, they will ... Shave The Day.
If you think there's somebody we should recruit to the Metal and Brawn Army of Awesomeness, please email us a mighty message from your pudgy yet thorough fingers to theguys@yourritual.com. We'll put them to the test of Awesome to see if they got what it takes. Godspeed.