Improving Social Skills Visualization

Many people have a problem in situations that require socializing and meeting new people; they worry that they will embarrass themselves, that others will think that they’re boring or not very bright… This is especially a problem for those who want to meet someone new, in a romantic sense, but they just can’t bring themselves to get out – and even if they do, their fear of humiliation often makes them awkward, doing and saying strange things. Then they feel that they were right to feel socially inadequate, and sink further to self-pitying and even depression.

Practicing social skills in life may be difficult, but luckily you can do it in the comfort of your own home, without the fear of embarrassing yourself. Visualizing yourself as being an open and charming person can also help you manifest the situations that will bring out the best in you, proving you right and further strengthening your confidence.

This exercise is to help you imagine yourself being comfortable in a situation where you meet new people, sociable and confident when chatting with the strangers, so that you can practice that feeling and attitude, and eventually become good at it without much effort.

Preparation stage:

Specify your goal. Before you begin, you should be specific about what kind of social situation you want to master: is it blind dates, parties where you don’t know anyone, celebrations in your company? Do you want to be more outgoing when it comes to girls/boys?

Choose at least one image to keep in your mind before you start visualizing. The image should represent you in the situation of your choice, and the people around you. For this exercise we’ll pretend that you want to overcome your fear of being embarrassed when meeting an authoritative figure, and it will be meeting your boyfriend’s parents in their home during a dinner party.

Set a schedule and find a quiet place for your visualization. Find a place where no one will be disturbing you for about half an hour, and try to practice visualizing every day at the same time. It’s important to stick to the schedule.

Steps to improving social skills visualization:

Relax. Take a few deep breaths, concentrate on your breathing. Clear your mind of all thoughts and feelings as you slowly count to ten.

Break visualization down into senses. You’re with your boyfriend in his parents’ house, at the dinner table. The visualization won’t be very clear as you still don’t know what they or their home look like, but you are free to imagine them as you wish, adding as much details as you can. Include all senses one by one: hear the voices around you, clinking of the forks and glasses; touch the china, feel the tablecloth. Try to sense the smells and tastes of the food that you’re eating. A little trick to stop you from being too nervous is to add to your visualization some small imperfection: if you fear that his mother will hate you for not being much of a cook, then you can imagine that her turkey has burnt, or that the soup is too salty 🙂

Third person view. Look at the four of you as if you were someone else, looking through the window, and play the scene: imagine the conversation where you’re brilliant, making them laugh a lot and approve of you. Imagine your boyfriend saying just the things that make you look good, imagine graciously eating that burnt turkey – imagine that you’re the queen of the evening.

First person view. Now let yourself become fully aware of that feeling: you know that they totally adore you, and you have no reason to fear – they have accepted you, with all of your imperfections, and you’re equal to them; they are already your people and you feel safe and comfortable with them. You feel confident and calm, happy that everything is OK. Keep that feeling and allow yourself to fully enjoy it.

Wrapping it up. The evening is over, it was a success and you can now let it go, slowly.