Aw, I love Neville so much. You've captured the sweetness of him here, and the tragedy of his current relationship with his parents. I love the meaning he assigns to the sweet wrappers--I've always seen him the same way, treasuring those as the only tangible thing he has from either of them.

I noticed quite a few spag errors, and I do think the piece would be greatly improved by including the traditional structure with proper paragraphs. That said, it was a nice look at who Neville is. I love that, in his own way, he stands up to his Gran by appreciating his Mum's hands and keeping the wrappers in spite of her instruction to toss them away. I think its consistent with his character in canon--he usually follows authority, but when he knows something is the wrong thing to do, he won't do it. Well done with that.

I paused at the idea of Neville being able to legitimately remember anything at all from his life with his parents. He would only have been about a year old when he lost them (I think), and I've never heard of a child remembering anything from their first year of life. The memory is good though, and I think if you wanted to make a change, you could just mention that it felt like a real memory because he'd heard it so many times from his Gran, and seen it in pictures.

Well done with this. Your Neville is true to canon and I just want to squeeze him. I enjoyed reading. ~Lori