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Caregivers SupportA place for people who are a caregiver to another to find help and support.

Haaalp, Housemate/bff went off the rails!

Quick background - I live with one of my best friends in her house, We know that she has a neurological condition but it has been almost 7 years and no firm diagnosis and very rude and uncaring doctors imo. From all our research and speaking to medical professional friends, we both feel she has MS or ALS and if not something along those lines. It's obviously frustrating for her to have her whole life upended and to not know for sure what the problem is. It's beyond difficult to watch my friend hurting and not be able to do anything. She has one of the sweetest hearts ever and I just want her to be happy. argh.

She has had mood swings before but never to this level and I'm a bit more concerned than normal. We butt heads sometimes strictly to personality differences, but she went OFF tonight.........Over me clearly and calmly saying "ok, Iíll see you in a bit" and shutting my door. (She was running an errand real quick and was starting to get amped up)
Game on apparently! I "slammed the door in her face when she was trying to tell me something" and BOOM, it was a lot of very naughty words which lead to A ton of texts basically:
kicking me out,
our almost 15 year friendship is over,
I am ungrateful,
I take advantage of everything,
no one cares about her and no one will help her, etc....
All exaggerated and I obviously love her to death or I wouldnít be here at 1am pleading for help...we do a lot for each other but I didnít dare say that, I know better when she is in "ranting mode" I am the target no matter what. Iím in the way, Iím not helping, Iím ignoring her, and Iím in her face, just... yeah.
Then it was "I have no one, I want to die." I know that is not in any way true, sheís thrown that out before and Iíve never seen any reason that sheís actually in that mindset. Trust me, I would be calling everyone and making moves if needed, I donít play with stuff like that but I donít feel itís necessary at the moment. Iím certainly not dismissing it outright either though....

Like I said, some of that has happened before, she took it to a new level with kicking me out though and then went one higher when she came home, grabbed some food, clothes and our dog and bailed. I asked if she was taking the dog and she screamed the whole way out "what do you care? Sheís not your dog. You're not my friend. *Lots of naughty words and one in particular she KNOWS I hate so that was on purpose* I donít ever want to see you again, get out of my house." *Slams door*

W.T.H do I do?

I feel like I shouldnít take most of that serious, but that was a new one. I donít care about moving, I have somewhere to go if I have to if thatís what she needs. I will be heartbroken if she really wants to end our friendship but again, if thatís her choice, I will tearfully accept it. I am more concerned about her health and mindset, at the moment and especially if I do move out. Will she thrive? Will she go into a funk and then that statement does turn scary? How is she going to be able to do all the things I do around here? ahhhhh

So, I guess my question for the moment is- how do I handle this particular situation? Iíve been going with not engaging and trying to keep my voice neutral and quiet-ish (which is SO hard because Iím Italian ha) I feel like part of this is she is in Martyr mode and just wants me to kiss butt and say itís all my fault and you were right... uhh, no. I empathize that a lot of this is not her fault and she has limited control over it, but thereís a point.... right?
Like, Do I take her kicking me out seriously or wait and see how she is tomorrow or the next day? What is the best approach to get her to listen and realize she canít blame me for her ALL frustrations? Iím sure I contribute to some of them but I have tried and tried to have calm conversations about how to communicate better and make things run smoother and it backfires every time. She gets all pist and storms off and there is no accountability or apology on her part. Zero.

She just texted that theyíre sleeping in the car but at least she let me now sheís safe. I had texted and said, "I love you and letís talk when things are calmer about if you really want me to move out or not. If so I will cry a lot but Iíll start making arrangements. I wonít text you anymore right now; we need some space obviously but pls just keep in touch."
To which she just went off and told me to get out again and that she would be at home if anyone gave a ---- about her wellbeing...
smh.... like I said, haaaaalp.
ty and sorry for the long post

You really are in quite a predicament . BTW: My Dad Italian; my Mom; Lithuanian. So you know the mix where I come from.

Not sure what to write; the only thing I can come up with at this time would be to give her the space she obviously needs. Not sure whether you are from US or a different country. There are the Comfort Inns which could give you a temporary place to stay; like for a few days or a week.

This cooling off period will hopefully work for the better in both your cases. Obviously, without wanting to admit, she needs someone who understands her physical, as well as emotional problems.

she apologized profusely when she came out of it and came home the next day. Ive been careful and just letting her get back to herself but I'm still on edge. I'm almost feeling like i've waited too long to say anything but I also know that if she wasn't herself and I was mad, there was no point in even having the conversation.... so now, Does she think all is well? Did I sahoot myself in the foot and have to wait for another incident?
Ahhh! I'm just tired and I want my friend to be ok.

Thankyou for the response, I really appreciate it and I will keep updating.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ger715

You really are in quite a predicament . BTW: My Dad Italian; my Mom; Lithuanian. So you know the mix where I come from.

Not sure what to write; the only thing I can come up with at this time would be to give her the space she obviously needs. Not sure whether you are from US or a different country. There are the Comfort Inns which could give you a temporary place to stay; like for a few days or a week.

This cooling off period will hopefully work for the better in both your cases. Obviously, without wanting to admit, she needs someone who understands her physical, as well as emotional problems.

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