I know you dislike this story, but you have to look not at what it is but what it was supposed to be. You have good characters, great dialogue (both internal and external) and a very good sense of flow/tension. This is a great example of what kind of writing you're capable of. Sure, it's older and outdated, but you can make it better. Sure, the plot may seem silly now that you're looking back, but you can rework it. It's obvious that at one time you liked this story, not only because of the word count but also because of the complex and creative nature of what I just read. You should write more, if not more of this than more of something.

The relationship between the boy and the girl is actually kinda neat. They have a good dynamic going on, and while, yes, this particular relationship combo may be a bit played out, this still feels real and genuine and somehow new.

The part about the hobo's greasy hair made me gag a bit. But other than the uncleanliness of that, i like this story. Especially her inner arguments. They're funny. And how Prince Prick is nice to everyone but her.

Well, I liked this chapter. I like the descriptions and the details. I like how everything is turning out. I like how almost each chapter switches off, from the park to her family. I am curious to know what it's like from Justin's point of view. Have you ever thought about that?