I was really sleepy last night, as I imagine you were too after that soporific slug of Bitcoin yesterday, so I made a poorly-worded request on Twitter for people to feed me tabs for today, because carefully channeled laziness is kind of my “thing.” So welcome to Reader’s Choice Tabs! This is probably an awful idea!

Who doesn’t want to imagine Wu-Tang and Bill Murray heisting a $2 million record from that smirking jackass Shkreli? But come on, of course it isn’t real. Everything is a hoax. NME, The Independent, and the suddenly very gullible Gawker Media’s Gizmodo all reported it as if it were, though. Please fund my Kickstarter to buy them phones.

James Griffithswanted me to draw your attention to Nieman Lab’s story on Dutch micropayment-based news platform Blendle, which generously permits you to pay “10 and 90 cents apiece” for news articles. And, okay: 1) I am 10% stupider after seeing the word “Blendle,” and 2) Why… would anyone want… to do that? Anyway, “Blendle expects to hire around five people, based in New York, to run the American site,” so keep an eye out for those jobs if you don’t like working at any one place for very long.

Rachel Pick wants us to know way too much about the canine reproductive system and also shamelessly promote her employer, Motherboard, both of which are goals I fully support. You might think this is a standard casual writearound of a scientific study featuring puppies but suddenly Matt Braga hits you with the “fat pad covering the oviduct” and “acrosome exocytosis,” so stay vigilant.

And Robyn Kannersuggested we take a look at Danielle Tullo in Cosmo, espousing the radical view that women could have bodies without feeling bad about them. I don’t know if the world is ready. You may also want to hear what Camille Paglia thinks about Taylor Swift and the #GirlSquad. Or you very well may not! She does manage to cite “the natural solidarity and companionship [women] enjoyed for thousands of years in the preindustrial agrarian world,” and excoriate Swift’s “obnoxious Nazi Barbie routine of wheeling out friends and celebrities as performance props,” compared to men’s “results-oriented teamwork.” So… good luck with that! I’m going to just go stand behind this blast shield and let Intern Emeritus Karen K. Ho tell you about Canada’s extremely sexy new political controversy.

One of the most perplexing reactions came from Ottawa Citizen national affairs reporter Glen McGregor, who insinuated that Sophie’s concern about eating disorders meant she should not appear in the magazine and also declared the couple should not pose for Vogue in fancyexpensive clothes.

Mercy!

Aside from the fact that pretty much ​any​ major profile of Canada’s First Couple would have required posing for a professionally-styled photograph, the Oscar de la Renta dress was very likely loaned. It’s also just barely possible that the Prime Minister, his wife and their large official team deliberated very carefully over the decision. Being profiled for Vogue is not like going for ice cream or suddenly declaring you’re going to ban all Muslims from your country.

Paris Hilton isn’t dumb. She acted dumb to sell us stuff because we are the ones who are dumb. This Broadly profile is kind of strange. For example: “She has also funded a chicken program…”, “Today, many homosexuals celebrate Paris as a radical trailblazer…”, and the closing “Buy Paris Hilton’s newest fragrance…” (is this sponcon?). But it makes an interesting case for re-evaluating Hilton’s legacy. Not least because it was way more fashionable to slut-shame and generally mock female celebrities for their manner of speech/existence in the early-to-mid ‘00s than it is now. If I remember correctly, that was also when we were still embracing the Rob Gordon model of masculinity that Hanif Abdurraqib rips in his confessional essay for Matter. This an essential read for men who want to learn how not to be assholes. But if you think there isn’t a problem with men, there’s a place for you too.

That’s it, Thursday is Tabs Friday for me, but tomorrow we all have Kyle Chayka’s Friday Arts Tabs to look forward to! So that’s exciting. Subscribe if you haven’t already, trust me, you will hardly regret it at all.

~Everyone said she was beautiful even without her tabs, everyone said she was dangerous~

Today in Tabs is trying to find out exactly how long we can run without driving away enormous numbers of you. Please stay tuned. Thanks as always to Fast Company for our home on the world wide web and their indefatigable editing and moral support.