It’s easy to think that lots of sex equals lots of happiness. That may be because sex equals happiness or excess equals happiness or maybe the sight of glowing warm jizz on your stomach equals happiness. I don’t know. Sex makes me happy so I assume more sex equals more happiness. Anyway, you would assume that having more sex would make us all happier people. But you know what? It doesn’t actually make us happier. It’s actually a frustrating exercise of procedure.

According to an upcoming study from Carnegie Melon by way of the New York Times, the idea of having more sex (and subsequently more happiness) was tested out on a few strong couples. Participants with active, healthy sex lives of once a month play times to three times a week play times were asked to double what they were doing. Instant joy, right?

Nope:

This did not make them happier. In fact, their well-­being declined, especially in measures of energy and enthusiasm, as did the quality of the sex. Both men and women reported that the additional intercourse wasn’t much fun.

As one of the professors behind the studies suggested, the unlikely outcome may be the result of “having sex for a reason other than because you like and want sex.” Thus, more sex doesn’t equal happiness—but better quality sex? Yes, that does make you happier. Just going through the moves because you think it would make you happy just does not work. Imagine forcing yourself to have sex once a day? My initial reaction is, “Yes, please.” My second reaction is, “Fuck, my dick hurts.” paired with boredom of needlessly tugging on parts because you have to.

Now we all know. Only get a fucking if it feels right. As Janet says, it’s the pleasure principle. Suck it when you want it—don’t suck it when you don’t want it.