BirthWaveshttp://birthwaves.org
Doula Services for Pregnancy and Infant lossTue, 15 Aug 2017 21:36:45 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.8.1https://i2.wp.com/birthwaves.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/cropped-Testomonials-1.jpg?fit=32%2C32BirthWaveshttp://birthwaves.org
3232111635321What Gift Grieving Parents Needhttp://birthwaves.org/gift-grieving-parents-need/
http://birthwaves.org/gift-grieving-parents-need/#respondThu, 22 Dec 2016 04:45:16 +0000http://birthwaves.org/?p=271A very common question we hear is “My friend just lost her baby, what gift should I get her?”. We’ve compiled some of the things she is probably really wanting from you and doesn’t know how to ask.... Read More

]]>A very common question we hear is “My friend just lost her baby, what gift should I get her?”. We’ve compiled some of the things she is probably really wanting from you and doesn’t know how to ask.

Time- Give her time to process everything going on. Do not try and rush her or help her move on. She’ll NEVER ‘move on’. This is her reality now.

A Name: Say their baby’s name. What do they call their baby? Some families have time to have given their child a name, others use a nickname. Both are ok and neither are wrong.

Days: Write her baby’s birthday on your calendar and set milestone reminders (if you need to). 2 weeks, one month, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, a year, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years and forever. She will never forget the day her baby was born, make a meaningful impact and remember it with her.

Support: Be the person she wants to call when she’s having a really bad day. She needs someone who isn’t going to promise that someday she’ll feel better. Tell her that things suck right now, its not fair and you hate it all so much. Don’t sugar coat what she’s going through.

Some things to consider:

Things: Our instinct tells us to shower grieving friends with gifts, money or food. Food is very helpful in the first few days and weeks. Our suggestion is to send food that takes very little prep and is something that can be eaten in small quantities when the parents might not have a huge appetite. Gifts of money are more easily managed if the family has a memorial set up, please check with the funeral home!

Trinkets, keepsakes and jewelry are all items that loving friends and family members oftentimes gift to new parents. Sometimes the outpouring of gifts in the first few weeks can be very overwhelming. One recommendation we have is to wait and see what types of keepsakes the family is most interested in and buy them later. Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Baby’s birthday and Christmas are some appropriate times to give these types of gifts.

Above all, thank you so much for being there when it matters the most.

Please reach out to us at any time, day or night if you or a loved one is experiencing pregnancy or infant loss.

]]>http://birthwaves.org/gift-grieving-parents-need/feed/0271Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Eventhttp://birthwaves.org/pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness/
http://birthwaves.org/pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness/#respondWed, 26 Oct 2016 01:50:41 +0000http://birthwaves.org/?p=236October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Mothers, fathers, and families across the country take a few extra moments to reflect and remember the lives gone too early. On October 25, 1988 it was President Reagan who... Read More

]]>October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Mothers, fathers, and families across the country take a few extra moments to reflect and remember the lives gone too early.

On October 25, 1988 it was President Reagan who first declared October to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Currently all 50 states have annual proclamations, with Kansas, among others, holding permanent proclamations declaring the day of Remembrance.

This year on October 15th, BirthWaves gathered family, friends and supporters to remember those lives lost. Together we lit candles, cried and told stories of precious babies that have forever left their mark on the world that they left too soon.

These are the babies that were honored at our vigil. Thousands and likely tens of thousands lives were remembered all over the world that evening.

Patton | Eric | Baby T | Kooper | Babies S | Baby D | Baby N | Baby

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched, but are felt in the heart. -Helen Keller

How old would your baby be now? What name did you give your child? Would he be starting kindergarten this year? Did she get her dad’s sense of humor? Would she love math?

Blue Muse Photography was generous enough to capture some photos of the evening for which we are extremely grateful.

Thank you to all of those who came, shared their story, offered words of support and who monetarily sponsored this event. Your generosity is astounding.

]]>http://birthwaves.org/pregnancy-infant-loss-awareness/feed/0236What does a Bereavement Doula Do?http://birthwaves.org/bereavement-doula/
http://birthwaves.org/bereavement-doula/#respondWed, 06 Jul 2016 19:01:02 +0000http://birthwaves.org/?p=154Doulas are not new to society. In fact, the word ‘doula’ is an ancient Greek term. There are birth and postpartum doulas. While they have two very distinctly different jobs, some doulas choose to train in both skills. ... Read More

]]>Doulas are not new to society. In fact, the word ‘doula’ is an ancient Greek term. There are birth and postpartum doulas. While they have two very distinctly different jobs, some doulas choose to train in both skills. Some people also pursue training that is more specialized in order to become bereavement doulas.

Bereavement doulas have the very distinct role to support a family through the loss of their baby. These types of losses can include chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies, early term miscarriages, late term miscarriages, termination and stillbirths. Many trained bereavement doulas are only prepared to support families during pregnancy and up through the birth.

BirthWaves is the first non-profit doula agency in Central Kansas that specifically serves families that experience pregnancy and infant losses.

BirthWaves doulas provide both birth support and postpartum care. We know that the end of your story does not come with the birth of your child.

What does that support look like exactly?

Having a doula by your side during or immediately after the birth of your child will help you feel like you are not alone in your journey. One of the things that the doulas of BirthWaves hear most often is that after a loss the family is left feeling very scared, confused and alone.

Here are some things that your doula can help with:

Before Birth

Creating a birth plan- No, you did not plan for this. None of this is going as you ever imagined. That does not mean you do not have a say in the way you birth your baby. Together with your doula, you will create a completely personalized birth plan. This plan will take your needs and desires into account.

Offering a listening ear- When it feels like everyone has their own piece of advice, unwelcomed words of wisdom or no words at all, your doula will be the welcoming relief you are looking for. Phone calls to BirthWaves are answered 24/7 by trained doulas. Whether you speak with the doula on call or you visit with your personally assigned support person, we will greet you with warmth, kindness and dignity.

Support during birth: Your doula is qualified to offer the exact support that you need during the birth of your baby. Your baby may be born at your home, in the doctor’s clinic, in a birthing suite or the operating room. In any case, you can rest assured that the doulas of BirthWaves are prepared for whatever you may face during birth. Once you call your doula at the onset of labor, she will join you and your partner and stay with you as long as you need. Typically, your doula will stay until at least 2 hours after the birth unless you request her to leave sooner or stay longer.

After Birth

The first bath- Many parents choose to bathe their baby after birth, even if the baby is no longer alive. Your doula will help you bathe and then dress your baby in whatever clothing you feel is most appropriate.

Funeral arrangements- If you want a funeral or memorial service for your baby, the doulas at BirthWaves can help you with whatever you may need. We can offer a list of recommended funeral homes as well as talk with you about the many options that you have when it comes to the service and burial.

Lactation support- Some women desire help and support safely stopping breastmilk production after birth. Others may find relief in pumping and donating their milk to another family. Whatever may be your preference, your doula will able and willing to offer lactation guidance or refer you to a kind and caring Lactation Consultant.

After the dust settles

After the dust settles- What happens next? The service is over, your body is healing and your family have all resumed their normal lives. Where has that left you in the mix of it all? Do you feel expected to return to the life you had before conception? Are you thinking, “what if I’m not ready yet? What if I will never be ready?”

The postpartum doulas are ready to help. They know that the end of your journey isn’t when the last thank you note drops in the mail. You will have good days and you’ll have bad days. Days will turn into weeks, then months, then years. Having a postpartum doula by your side during the first year means having someone who truly cares for you and your baby. Someone who understands that some days you want life to be back to normal and other times you are excited to embrace this new normal and find out what life has in store for your family.

Whatever you need, the doulas at BirthWaves are here for you. We see you, we hear you, and you are not alone.

]]>http://birthwaves.org/bereavement-doula/feed/0154Bathroom Floorhttp://birthwaves.org/bathroom-floor/
http://birthwaves.org/bathroom-floor/#respondThu, 16 Jun 2016 22:09:44 +0000http://birthwaves.org/?p=133This post was originally written at: http://mrsmelevans.blogspot.com/ To my daughter: Hi sweet girl! I’ve never been good at introduction paragraphs, so I’m just gonna delve right in. Today – I want to talk to you about our bathroom... Read More

To my daughter:

Hi sweet girl!

I’ve never been good at introduction paragraphs, so I’m just gonna delve right in. Today – I want to talk to you about our bathroom floor… and I know that sounds crazy. There’s a good chance you won’t remember this particular bathroom floor but it has been the foundation for so many significant moments in my life and there’s one specific one I want to talk to you about today.

You see, when I look at that floor, I don’t see tile. I see the place I sat when I found out my water broke with you and I decided I wasn’t moving until I could stop hyperventilating. I see the place I locked myself in and sobbed uncontrollably after we brought you home but didn’t know about your acid reflux and why you were always crying. Postpartum deserves its own post, this isn’t it. I see the floor your dad and I would stack five towels to make sure it was soft enough for you before/after your baths. My poor, neglected Isabella.

I can still see the place where I sat and waited for three minutes to creep by so I could check test after test, my heart breaking a little more each time. I see the place where your dad pretended he didn’t understand the results because he wanted to surprise me with that beautiful plus sign. But for right now, I mostly see the place your dad had to pick me up off of when God decided that baby would be better off in Heaven with Him.

My sweet girl, I want so badly to make you a big sister. For the past year, it’s been this all-consuming need. You’ve been talking about your cousins and how they all have brothers and sisters and each time you mention it, my heart aches in a place I did not even know existed. You have such a tender heart for babies and watching you take care of all yours makes me melt. There is no doubt in my mind that you would make an incredible big sister.

This post is dual purpose. So far, I feel like it has been mostly therapeutic for me. But I decided to write this post to you on our bathroom floor. We had been out at Dad’s softball games and it was so late by the time we got home I let you shower with me. Much to Dad’s dismay, I’ve finally convinced you lukewarm water is NOT the way to go so the bathroom was nice and steamy when we finished.

You were so tired, baby girl, that your big brown eyes were nothing but slits while I was drying you off. I couldn’t help it, I had to hold you. So we sat in that bathroom and you fell asleep against my chest and I was immediately back in your newborn days. In that moment, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to keep you right there and protect you from anything and everything. And for whatever reason, probably because it’s still pretty fresh, I wanted to talk to you about my miscarriage.

Bella, I hope you never experience this. But if you do – my love, it is so much more common than you could ever imagine. You are not alone. The chance of miscarriage in recognized pregnancies is 15-25%, and even higher for women who haven’t even realized they are pregnant yet. People don’t like to talk about it, and I understand that. The tears are inevitable and that feeling of losing something you wanted to bad flows right back in.

I know that everyone grieves differently, but I hope that if you’re ever in this position to never blame yourself. Every transgression I have ever made immediately came to mind. It was like a mental confession, trying to pinpoint which sin God was punishing me for. But baby, that’s not the kind of God I believe in and I pray that we don’t raise you to believe in that kind either. Our God is merciful, not vindictive.

Isabella, my last bit of advice should you find yourself trying to conceive or struggling with a miscarriage, please don’t let it make you bitter. It’s okay to be angry, but don’t take it out on others. Those people telling you it’s about time for a baby (or another), they don’t mean to upset you. If anything – take it as them telling you that you’ll make a great mom, or that they think you already are.

Don’t be angry when friends or even strangers are pregnant. Those babies weren’t meant for you. And most importantly, know that those people who tell you to relax and that it will happen when it’s supposed to are trying to comfort you, NOT infuriate you.

I know it’s hard, but the best thing I ever did was decide that becoming pregnant was out of my hands. Don’t get me wrong, I still have to do my part (GROSS, MOM! I know, I know) but God will take care of the rest. You will be a big sister, one way or another, I promise.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11