(NSFM): 10 Films Not Safe To Watch With Your Mom

It’s mid-October which means the scariest season of all is almost upon us: the holidays. This is the time of year when grown children have to trek home for Thanksgiving or house their parents on air mattresses. Soon you won’t just be carving up turkey and skipping down memory lane, but arguing with your folks about what everyone wants to watch on Netflix.

This is where things get really hairy. There’s nothing more terrifying than finding yourself watching something super violent or graphically sexual with your dear old mom. Some shows and films just aren’t for mom. They might be for film geeks, classy dates, Oscar nominations, and good old fashioned fun, but the ten films on this list are the last things you want to sit down and watch with mom. (Unless, of course, you have a really “cool” mom.)

'Y Tu Mamá También'

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One of the worst mistakes I’ve ever made in life was telling my mom about this cool Mexican movie I read about in Entertainment Weekly called Y Tu Mamá También. I was about 17 years old at the time and while I’d seen R-rated films and art house fare with my mother, Y Tu Mamá También was the video rental that crossed the line. About 26 minutes in, and my mother gave me a look that said, “Turn this trash off now.” Alfonso Cuarón’s gorgeous film is not garbage, it’s just about two raucous teen boys having a sexcapade with a married woman. [Watch Y Tu Mamá También on Netflix]

'Wetlands'

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Wetlands is one of the most surprisingly beautiful films I’ve seen in the last year, but it’s also the grossest. It’s about the most gleefully disgusting teen girl you could ever hope to dream up. Helen likes to keep her body, soul, and mind as dirty as possible and it lands her in the hospital after cutting a hemorrhoid blister shaving. While it seems obvious that you wouldn’t want to watch such a fetid film with dear old mom, there’s another reason you shouldn’t see this with her. There’s a twist at the end that explains why Helen’s poor hygiene is her act of rebellion against her neat freak mother. [Watch Wetlands on Netflix]

'The Human Centipede'

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It’s possible that you’ve gotten this far in life without knowing what The Human Centipede is. If so, it’s a horror film about a crazy person obsessed with creating a massive “human centipede.” That is, he captures people, tortures them, and sews their mouths to the butts of other victims. You have a brain (and a butt). You know where this is going. One person who doesn’t need to figure out what a “human centipede” is? Your mom. If she ever asks you what The Human Centipede is, refuse to tell her and suggest you all watch The Good Wife. Now, there’s a nice show. [Watch The Human Centipede on Netflix]

'The Evil Dead' Franchise

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This entry onto the list is based on another true story. A few weeks ago I sat down to watch a screener for Starz’s new hilarious horror show Ash Vs. Evil Dead — and my mother decided to join in. While the new series, which debuts on Halloween, is chock full of the bawdy and bloody humor that fans of The Evil Dead franchise have come to love, my mother was less than impressed. “This isn’t for me!” she protested. And she’s right. None of The Evil Dead movies are for moms. They were made for horror film aficionados with wicked senses of humor — much like the new show. (Speaking of which you can catch the original films on Starz in expectation of the network’s upcoming Ash Vs. Evil Dead premiere.) [Watch The Evil Dead on STARZPlay]

'Reservoir Dogs'

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Even if your mom loves action films and shoot ’em ups, you might want to point her away from auteur’s Quentin Tarantino’s first feature film Reservoir Dogs. It’s overflowing with machismo and masochism. Not to mention it opens with a profanity-laden discussion about whether or not Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” is about a woman having relations with a man with a super-sized penis. Besides, if you do want to share a Tarantino flick with Ma, there’s always the matriarchal messaging of Kill Bill. [Watch Reservoir Dogs on Netflix]

'Battle Royale'

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Does your mom love The Hunger Games? Is she obsessed with Jennifer Lawrence and girl power and dystopias where school children are tasked with murdering each other on camera for the delight of millions? Well, you might be tempted to check out Battle Royale, the grim Japanese film with an eerily similar concept to The Hunger Games. However, don’t. Battle Royale trades the fantasy elements of The Hunger Game for disturbing imagery and gore. Keep this in mind: many big name producers have tried to adapt it for American audiences, but the concept is always too offensive in execution. [Watch Battle Royale on Netflix]

'Dogtooth'

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Want to watch a quiet film about a quirky family? Dogtooth might be just that, but it’s also wildly perverse and will creep you the heck out. The stellar Greek film might be a testament to the creative spirit flooding indie cinema today, but it’s also about what happens when parents try too hard to protect their kids from the horrors of the world. Basically, a lot of weird and disturbing stuff. [Watch Dogtooth on Hulu]

'Nymphomaniac'

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We shouldn’t have to explain to you why you shouldn’t watch an epic two-part film called Nymphomaniac with your mother, so we won’t. But what we will suggest is that maybe you steer clear of all of Lars Von Trier’s mind-melting movies while hanging out with your mom. [Watch Nymphomaniac: The Extended Director’s Cut Volume 1 on Netflix]

'Election'

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Here’s the thing about Election: It’s a perfect film, but it will change the way your mom looks at Reece Witherspoon forever. Her Tracy Flick is one of the most soulless creations in cinematic history. She is defined only by ambition and ruthlessness. This film is also full of uncomfortable sexual situations and moral quandaries. If your mom sees Reece Witherspoon’s cute face in the poster and wants to stream it, do her a favor and watch Legally Blonde instead. [Watch Election on Netflix]

'Blue Is The Warmest Color'

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Does your mom love tragic love stories and Amelie? That doesn’t automatically mean she’ll love the French phenomenon Blue Is The Warmest Color. While it’s a heartbreaking film about the ways in which true love destroys us, it’s also got some of the most graphic lesbian sex scenes in a non-pornographic film. That’s the controversial reason it was banned by Boise, Idaho’s Flicks Theatre – which is ironically my mom’s go-to art house cinema. (We saw Anna Karenina there a few years ago. She didn’t like that movie, either.) [Watch Blue Is The Warmest Color on Netflix]