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The Trump of Washington, Act 2, Scene 2

Submitted by detroitmechworks on Fri, 09/15/2017 - 2:17pm

(Enter Hillary)

Hillary: Why do these fools and rapscallions stand by,
These Bernie Bros, these bags of deplor'be
who show their hatred for my sex alone?
Know they not of whom they speak, my glory?
Clad in the garments of Armani I
Stand bestride the world and declare myself
Look upon my face for thou wishes to see God.

(Enter Trump pursued by the Cameraman and Reporters 1, 2, and 3)

Trump: Behold the loser. If thou woulds't give up
I might find some position more worthy
Of thy noble and grand illusions. But
Pray thee continue for thou art quite dumb.

Hillary: Behold the Nazi! He shall rip thy child
From thine arms, and cast them across the wall
Which he would build with your arms and your blood

Trump: The blood you spend against the arab, for
Naught but the kind words of the rich merchant.

Hillary: Behold the Racist! He uses the word
Which we know to be the words of the dog
whistle for him as you will, you shall not
Breach the wall of fire which I hath purchased.

Reporter 1: Trump knows her to be a loser, it seems.

Reporter 2: Did the cameraman catch my best sight?

Reporter 3: Racist, Sexist, Bernie Bros, Where's my pay?

Hillary: Good Media, know that the Trump Hates you
He claims you do not listen, which you do.
You know my words to be truth and his lies,
So do the job for which thou was paid. NOW.

Reporter 1: We hear and obey, savior of the coast.

Reporter 2: Trump is rightly a villain and must DIE!

Reporter 3: All is correct, save the joke of his death.

Trump: I heard no joke.

Reporter 1: He does jest quite often.

Reporter 2: All the proof of why the Trump should be killed.

Trump: Again he calls for my head. Such anger!

Reporter 2: Trump has merely shown he has no laugh.

Hillary: Indeed, he fails to laugh at himself, as
All others do. Reporters know funny.

Trump: Fie upon your games, your news is a FAKE.

Hillary: No, Truth, it is your news that is a fake.

(Trump and Hillary Exit separately, through opposite exits.)

Reporter 1: Shall we hasten unto the Bernie Speech?

Reporter 2: There is no need. We can easily fill
the time with an empty podium shot.

Cameraman: I like Bernie, he's got some good optics.

Reporter 3: Fool, that is why you remain where you are!
I however, shall write about how Trump
Did cause the fake news. Perhaps with Russians.

(Exuent)

(Sorry, but for some reason, I pictured a Play, written in a couple Hundred years, able to see the humour in our rather bleak present.)

Comments

Let me have men about me that are fat;
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep o' nights:
Yond Bernie has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.

MARKOS MOULITSAS

Fear him not, Hillary; he's not dangerous;
He is nothing, and his followers a bunch of sexists.

HILLARY

Would he were fatter! But I fear him not:
Yet if my name were liable to fear,
I do not know the man I should avoid
So soon as that spare Bernie. He reads much;
He is a great observer and he looks
Quite through the deeds of men: he loves no plays,
As thou dost, Markos; he hears no music;
Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort
As if he mock'd himself and scorn'd his spirit
That could be moved to smile at any thing.
Such men as he be never at heart's ease
Whiles they behold a greater than themselves,
And therefore are they very dangerous.
I rather tell thee what is to be fear'd
Than what I fear; for always I am Clinton.
Come on my right hand, for this ear is deaf,
And tell me truly what thou think'st of him.

The Shakespeare original is better, since JC leaves part way through the script and only shows up ONCE after that. Great way to exit, too.

I know my Elizabethan is a bit off, but I did my best at an original.

HILLARY

Debbie!

DEBBIE WASSERMAN-SCHULTZ

Hillary?

HILLARY

Let me have men about me that are fat;
Sleek-headed men and such as sleep o' nights:
Yond Bernie has a lean and hungry look;
He thinks too much: such men are dangerous.

MARKOS MOULITSAS

Fear him not, Hillary; he's not dangerous;
He is nothing, and his followers a bunch of sexists.

HILLARY

Would he were fatter! But I fear him not:
Yet if my name were liable to fear,
I do not know the man I should avoid
So soon as that spare Bernie. He reads much;
He is a great observer and he looks
Quite through the deeds of men: he loves no plays,
As thou dost, Markos; he hears no music;
Seldom he smiles, and smiles in such a sort
As if he mock'd himself and scorn'd his spirit
That could be moved to smile at any thing.
Such men as he be never at heart's ease
Whiles they behold a greater than themselves,
And therefore are they very dangerous.
I rather tell thee what is to be fear'd
Than what I fear; for always I am Clinton.
Come on my right hand, for this ear is deaf,
And tell me truly what thou think'st of him.