I find myself in a position where I feel there is a breach of trust between myself and my midwife. Here in Israel it is very different from the US, from what I can gather.

Anyway, I have had two meeting with my midwife so far and was supposed to have my 3rd meeting with her yesterday evening, just the two of us, strengthening our relationship for the birth.

She forgot to put it in her diary and did not answer when I was calling to make sure she was available and not at a birth.

Eventually she phoned me and said that she was in another city and she was with her MIL at an oncology unit. Only at the end of the conversation did she mention an apology

We rescheduled for next week.

And I freaked out.

Now, after a sleepless night I have sorted it as follows.

People make mistakes. I was hurt that she forgot about our appointment and felt let down that she did not put our appointment in her diary. I think I could get over that. What bothers me is that she did not take responsibility for her mistake and tried to cover it by mentioning that she is with her MIL at an oncology unit. This leaves me feeling like I cannot trust her. She did not miss our appointment due to being at the oncology unit with her MIL. She missed it because she forgot to put it in her diary. Had it been an emergency, and she remembered we had a meeting, she would have called to cancel and reschedule.

So, I have called another midwife and set up a meeting to check my options and possibly transfer care. The second midwife is not crazy about the idea, as she is friends with the first and it could make it awkward. However, she has agreed to meet me and spent a good half hour discussing all the issues with me.

If it comes to transferring care, I am worried about how to do it honestly, without offending the first midwife. IMO she made a bigger mistake trying to hide the real mistake and that is not a very nice thing to bring up with someone.

However, I need to feel like I trust my midwife and that I am safe while giving birth.

Oh Megan, that's rough! I agree that trust is so important. I think it's very odd that you've only seen her twice at this point. Why is that? Have you been getting coordinating care with someone else, but using her for the birth or is that a typical prenatal schedule in Isreal? I think that it is good that you are at least searching out your options and where ever it leads you, I hope it is a happy, peaceful, and trusting connection with your midwife.

We have a national health system. All tests are ordered through nurses and interpreted by the doctors. It's pretty complicated. One clinic has the nurses, another the doctors and still another that does the ultrasounds. It involves a lot of running around and waiting in queues.

Anyway, I bypassed all of that by taking a private gynae for the first two trimesters. She tested blood pressure etc and referred me for the glucose screening, U/S, genetic counselling, etc. I did not go back to her when I decided not to do the routine 24 week anatomy U/S as there were no results to discuss. I have seen the midwife once since then.

I am relying on the national health services for all the testing. And my midwife for the birth itself.

I called the first midwife this evening to inform her. It was a rather awkward conversation, made even more awkward by the fact that she was expecting me this evening. Both me and my husband had it in our schedules for tomorrow evening. So yeah, there does seem to be a communication issue there.

I have found a midwife that I feel comfortable with, and DH also feels very comfortable with her.

She came to our home and spent over 2 hours just talking with us about our previous birth, our expectations from this birth, why I lost trust in the previous midwife, what my expectations are of a midwife etc. I feel like she is going to be a better fit, and she left it totally open. There was no expectations that I would take her after the initial meeting and she left me completely free to make the choice that suits me.... essentially just what I needed.

She also is not at all fussed about us calling her 'too soon' (this greatly reassured DH). She does want me to do a U/S next week to make sure the baby is vertex. From her palpation it feels like s/he is. His/her back is on my right side, but not posterior. So, now I need to decide how best to go about getting the U/S done. I am not too worried as it is a quick one and not one that can go terribly wrong, as in I don't think the technician will confuse the butt and the head. But yeah, I would prefer to not do it..... Grrrr.

So, I am feeling better having the awkward conversation behind me and MUCH better having a midwife that I feel safe with.

And I cannot believe that it is just weeks away until this is all going to be happening

I am so glad you switched! I switched providers 3x during my last pregnancy and twice this one. If I start to get less than comforting feelings, I know that its not the right fit and I will have WAY more stress than necessary during the birthing process. This is one decision that logic is not needed for! So glad you went with your gut!!

I hope you will have a wonderful birthing experience with your new mw!!!

Oooh, thanks for your words of support. I thought I was being SO irresponsible to change so late. And that I was making a fuss over nothing. But after my conversation with her, it is clear that I am better off not relying on her.

My new midwife also does not have such fixed ideas about how a birth should be managed. If I want to lie down, she won't encourage me not to. I felt like the previous midwife had her own ideas about how birth should look, and that was bothering me too. I need to be left free to dance, squat, lie down, yell, 'meditate', whatever without worrying about whether it is 'right'. With my last birth I just followed what my body needed, and oddly enough that was lying on my side for a number of hours. No movement. I want to be left free to be as I need to be again.

Anyway, it is really starting to feel real now. And I am really excited to participate in the group of mums that meet regularly with my new midwife, discussing topics related to pregnancy, birth, parenting.

I was just thinking about you this morning Megan and was going to come ask you how things were going! I'm so glad that you have come to a decision that feels right and have a mw you and your dh are comfortable with!! Yay!!