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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Happy Birthday, Mom!

She only lived to be 69- and what a young and beautiful 69 she was. I never really saw my mom grow old. She never turned into a little old lady. For obvious reasons, that makes me sad.

I find myself in tears at the drop of a hat over missing her, still. It starts with just some strong feeling of her, that then just turns into sadness and longing. I'm sure anyone who has lost someone they love so much can relate. Fortunately though, sometimes my memories of Mom just make me laugh. Mom and I did a lot of laughing together, so those kinds of memories come at me often.

None of us know what comes after life until our own ends and then the secret is pretty safe. But since I knew Mom was going somewhere, I asked her to please visit me in some sort of way. I wanted her to know seeing a ghost of her wouldn't freak me out at all. She told me she would.

Maybe she has visited me. In dreams. In nature. Thru a song I hear. But she's just so subtle with the way she goes about it. I think all along I've been expecting an apparition of Mom- looking much like she did alive, only there would be a ghostly-ness about her.