Bringing ME back

When I had Josh, I gained about 13kgs during my whole pregnancy term. When I had Andrea, I gained about 22kgs during my pregnancy. When I had Tyler, I gained about 19kgs. I went from weighing 51kgs to 64kgs, then down to 52kgs to 74kgs, down back to 56kgs then up to 75kgs. I remember looking in the mirror about 3 months after giving birth and just hating my body.

I was just FAT all the time. Well to me, that’s what I felt like. To me, that’s what I looked like when I looked in the mirror. I didn’t want to wear anything that would make me look bigger and I didn’t want to go outside. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to give birth to my baby and get my weight down. I was literally obsessed.

I didn’t know what to do and how to start getting back into shape. I didn’t want to workout like a crazy lady and I didn’t want to give up on the food I was eating (and I wasn’t going all junkie on the food and diet. I was eating healthy food). I also didn’t want to TRY. I was lazy. I admit it. I was. I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to just wake up one day and be in the body I had before getting married. That was the truth. But after giving birth to Andrea postpartum depression also hit me hard. It was hard to get myself up mentally and physically. I was just down down down way way down there and stuck. I didn’t feel like taking care of the kids. I only focused on doing the things that were a MUST on my list and that was it. Josh was pretty much taken care of by my mother and Andrea, I was breastfeeding so I just had her beside me 24/7. Then I saw a picture of Miranda Kerr on Instagram after having her baby boy. I was in shock. I looked at me and there was a woman just going down the path of obesity. I knew I had to do something. Then one day my friends came over with their kids and I had trouble playing with Josh. Josh wanted to play in the backyard with me and his friends and I literally couldn’t. I was tired, out of breath and just losing it. That was shock number two. So I decided to get back into shape and workout. Then we moved to Singapore. I had to take care of the kids by myself most of the time and Kaden was so busy that it was hard to even see him sometimes (he would leave the house when we were asleep and come home when we were all sleeping). It came to a point where I had lost so much weight that I passed out. Literally. I was taken to the ER in an ambulance. I had low blood pressure and malnutrition. I didn’t have to try to lose anything, it was just all gone by the time I realized that I was having trouble taking care of two kids AND MYSELF.

I tried to eat better and tried to workout at home. I searched for videos on Youtube so that I could get fit. THEN, I found out I was pregnant with Tyler.

It was as if at each point in life I tried to do something for myself, I got pregnant. It was as if God was saying something to me. So I let go again. That’s when I walked down the path of “fat” Vicky again.

Hey, but you know what? Now that I’m at where I am. I know God made me walk that road for a reason and I really didn’t need to worry. Cause right now. I am more fit than ever. Even when I was a full time dancer/choreographer. I am eating better and working out more than ever.

Here’s how I brought ME back.

I stopped worrying about the way I looked and tried to see myself as how I was. I was a bit over weight yes but that didn’t mean I wasn’t beautiful. I was still a beautiful person.

I cut down all the snacks I was eating during the first week. Then the next week I didn’t eat dinner but would drink a cup of milk or almond milk if I was really hungry. Then the week after I cut out bread. I EAT A LOT of BREAD. I am a bread lover and this part was really hard but I needed to do it. Then the week after I cut down on sugar and coffee. Then anything fried. Then any instant food. By the time I was at week 8, I had lost almost 7 kgs. In a good way. I was working out from home and I did all of this on my own, working out on my own and it didn’t matter if I messed up on a day. I would just start over.

Now, I am 53kgs. Feeling better than ever and loving all the clothes I can fit into again.

Looking back, it all just had to do with my self-esteem and how much I believed in myself. It all had to do with me loving myself. When I didn’t like me, I was just hitting the bottom rock. When I did start to love myself and take care of myself I was going uphill again with nothing blocking me.