Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'm gonna sleep real well tonight.

Hey all, I'm here to say that I just woke up. I'm also here to say that my iPod no longer works. And my dad doesn't trust me. And Katie is probably never going to fucking talk to me again. So maybe I'm just in a mood because I just woke up, but for some reason, I feel that there's more shit at hand than being cranky. So I guess this gives me topics for discussion. Oh joy, another hope-filled one.

Okay so I don't feel 100% right now, so I decided to sleep it off today. My dad was coming home and I didn't really feel like putting up with that and it's cold down here and no one was talking to me, so I didn't want to stay awake and sit through that. So logically, one would sleep. Well I just slept for 3 or 4 hours on a school night. I'm never going to fall asleep tonight. Instead, I'll stay up and worry about all of the things going on in my life right now and completely ignore the fact that I've had a very musically productive week. I'm not looking forward to this.

My iPod doesn't turn on anymore. Not while it's not plugged into the computer. That's just great, too, isn't it? Why is this? I have not the slightest idea. I looked up the problem on an Apple message board. Over 15,000 people had read the question, but not one had a solution (however, many had the same problem). I'm guessing this is one of those problems that Apple doesn't want anyone to know about. I'm really let down, because my last iPod worked fantastically. This one made it like a month. That's also very discouraging. I reset it, I restored it, I did everything. It still doesn't turn on without being plugged in. This wouldn't be a problem IF I could bring a computer with me everywhere with an iPod plugged into the USB port but uhh...that's obviously retarded and not a plausible solution.

My dad doesn't trust me, at least I don't think he does. He called me yesterday at my mom's around 9 or so. The first thing he said was "Where the hell have you been?" Where did he think I was? I was at my mom's house. I'd been at my mom's house since around 4 on Tuesday. Not only had I just been at my mom's, but I'd been STUCK at my mom's house. I know he was concerned and wondering where I was and worried that I'd gone somewhere and risked crashing and dieing. I told him that I call him every time I go somewhere and since I always spend the night at my mom's on Tuesday that he should have at least assumed I was there and would have called my mom's house hours earlier instead of calling my next to dead, turned off cell phone. He told me I don't call him every time I go somewhere. I argued that I do and asked when I didn't. He told me I didn't call him when I went to see Katie in (he said Pennsylvania) Maryland with Cris. Well, he's right. I didn't call him. I didn't even think of calling him. Why? Because I went on my mom's weekend to have me. I've never had to call my dad to go somewhere while I'm with my mom before. Does he want me to call every time I go to Cumberland or Romney or to church? So anyway, he was concerned about my well-being but I wasn't going to be an ass-kisser just so he'd not be as angry with me. I felt like he was accusing me of doing things or going places that I shouldn't. When have I ever done that? When was the last time I smoked? The last time I drank? The last time I went to a "party"? Never. I haven't even fucking had sex in 16 months. That kind of made me feel like shit.

On the topic of feeling like shit, yes, Katie has not spoken to me since Friday and that'd been the first time she'd had an actual conversation with me since the day I went and visited her. She doesn't even text or comment or message me back now. I've avoided this topic for two weeks now, but I really feel like I have nothing to lose by saying this at this point. I'm really curious to know where I fucked up this time. Never in the past have I done something so bad to make a girl completely ignore me. And looking back, I have no idea what set this one off. I guess things like that happen, but I really feel like shit over it. It's kind of a really shitty thank you for me going all the way out to visit her because she can't find a ride out here, for putting enough faith and hope into her and I sustaining a relationship despite the distance, and to all of the things we said and did over the month she did here. Maybe there's something I'm missing here. Maybe she's not intentionally ignoring me or maybe she has a good reason for it. Or maybe it's exactly as it seems. It's hard to tell because she won't talk to me at all about any of this. Anyone who has read my blog for any length of time should know that this is a huge drawback in my life. I'll live through it yeah, but this just sucks.

Does that cover everything that's shot another week of my year to hell? I think it does, but I'm sure there's something I could be forgetting or just blocking out of my mind. So anyway...does anyone have any words of encouragement? Any advice? I could really use some of both at this point. I wish I'd had my lucky beret with me....