How I got my attention backJanuary 23, 2017(comments)
Yet another dickhead mouths off on the internet about how he is better than other people because he stopped using his iPad for a while. Hackernews abstains from electric light, which further blurs the already weak borderline between 'hipster' and 'amish.' Both the author and Hackernews, having reclaimed their attention spans, waste it on stupid bullshit.

Lane Following Autopilot with Keras and TensorflowJanuary 24, 2017(comments)
An internet masturbates with Google's machine learning library to program a car to poorly drive itself. Hackernews bikesheds the code for a bit and returns to predicting that all cars will be autonomous starting next Tuesday.

A story of a designer learning mathJanuary 25, 2017(comments)
An internet brags about having conquered middle-school mathematics, which in this case can be used to create even more bland and uninteresting clipart shit than before. A Hackernews describes having an emotional breakdown, overcome with the beauty of some nerd shit. The rest of Hackernews spends some time arguing about what the required education for a 'software engineer' should be. Nobody knows.

1.1B Taxi Rides on Kdb+/q and 4 Xeon Phi CPUsJanuary 26, 2017(comments)
An internet posts a resume-building exercise with no practical value or interesting results or useful methodology. Hackernews debates the relative merits of software designed to execute bad programs as quickly as possible. The Rust Evangelism Strikeforce makes a tactical decision not to get involved, since people are talking about fast code.

Massive networks of fake accounts found on TwitterJanuary 28, 2017(comments)
Hackernews is totally unsurprised by this, convinced the problem is endemic among online services, and is totally at a loss regarding possible solutions, raising the question of what the hell any of them are being paid to do.

Box BreathingJanuary 29, 2017(comments)
An internet animated the concept that breathing slowly and regularly has a calming effect. Hackernews jerks off about yoga for some reason, and one Hackernews attempts to suffocate himself because he misconfigured his web browser.