Where my Old writing lives!

essays

And the answer is, I got lost once trying to find my anus, stumbled into Margaritaville (where Jimmy Buffet is always playing) and I found a pen. That is where the journey began.

In the place between my anus and Margaritaville, time stops, responsibilities fade away, and all you need to provide is a word count. It’s beautifully, really. The stories don’t have to have a point, they don’t need to dazzle, all they need is a readable font. Some people are not interested in this kind of writing. Some readers do not enjoy A & M’s rituals, such as, “thought vomit”. Well, I suppose there are vegetarians that won’t eat filet mignon either, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop eating it.

Somewhere Between My Anus and Margaritaville is a utopia. A paradise. There are no customs upon entry. You don’t need a passport or a visa and you can stay as long as you like. It is not like that other place.

That other place known as…

Find Out How I Got To 100,000 Followers

Find Out How I Got To 100,000 Followers is a hot den of dronemanship. If you like nothing, but cubicle after cubicle and drab, Dress Barn suits (only in primary colors) as far as the eye can see, well, then, head on down to Find Out How I Got To 100,000 Followers. You’ll love it there. After downloading to enter, everyone seems to have a virus. The customs officials take your credit cards at the gates and give them to methed out tweakers working the security systems at Target and Walmart. Before you can see anyone else, ever, a pop up page appears across their faces asking you to “subscribe”. Subscribe to what? Who knows. But, if you don’t subscribe, you’ll never arrive at Find Out How I Got To 100,000 Followers. By the time you realize you’ve already been at Find Out How I Got To 100,000 Followers all along, it will be too late. Your spirit will be broken. You’ll start to think Kim Jong Un is your best friend and from that point on, it’s a downward spiral of Lindsay Lohan-like proportions.

“I’m a big dick.”

So, stumble into your anus and let it suck you down to Margaritaville. You just might find a blog idea there or some word vomit in a readable font that you can print on a page. Truly, the standards are that low and the feeling of accomplishment is still equally as good.

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I’ve got a new youtube show with the Wifesy gearing up that’s a funny, hot mess. So, be sure to subscribe HERE for the very first episode.