Thinking, about cycling. "Anybody whose mind is proud enough not to breed true secretly carries a bomb at the back of his brain; and so I suggest, just for the fun of the thing, taking that private bomb and carefully dropping it upon the model city of commonsense." (This blog began as an archive of DYNAMITE!, the newsletter of London Dynamo cycling club, which you can still access via "DYNAMITE! filed" in the list below on the left.)

WINNER’S DINNER
+++ Wager pays off for Kingston killer +++
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! witnesses a series of cruel blows delivered in a public car park – so you can imagine this sensitive organ’s distress at seeing ‘Mo after heartless ‘Mo approach defenseless GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL on Sunday, utter the seemingly innocent phrase “one second”, and then shake their heads disapprovingly before walking off, leaving the delicate fop totally destroyed in the shadow of Alfold Crossways village hall shortly before the start of the fast-paced E/1/2 Dunsfold race. The taunts were a reference to the manner in which he lost a bet the previous day at the Farnborough and Camberley CC ’25’ where he rashly vowed to beat PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN but ended up posting a time one sixtieth of a minute slower, thereby obliging him to buy dinner for the Kingston killer and his wife Clare. Oh, Guysie! The out-of-pocket poseur blames his faltering cycle computer for the humiliation, as he stopped pedaling at one point to nudge the speed sensor closer to his front wheel – but he put the critical error behind him at Dunsfold, where he got into the late-forming winning move and took 11th, one place behind RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON… http://tinyurl.com/3weaot. The sizable Dynamo contingent who had been mocking poor Guy were also animated by news of CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN’s victory earlier that day in Nottinghamshire, which we will be covering as soon as we have justly celebrated eight days in which unprecedented numbers of Dynamates joined the Goldman Sachs machine in the shadowy world of time trialing. So come with us now to the realm of the stopwatch and the tri-spoke as we reveal how the race against the clock is, believe it or not, rapidly becoming a “normal” pursuit. Let’s delve into the dark arts…

TIME FOR A CHANGE
+++ New recruits spearhead TT boom +++
He spent three months in Chicago, where he had to deal with 54 inches of snow along with temperatures plummeting to minus 30 degrees – so hats off to MARK ‘DISCOUNT’ LACEY, who somehow stuck with his training and made his competitive debut at the Kingston Phoenix 10-mile time trial in North Holmwood, Surrey, just one year after taking up cycling. The determined lad completed the course in 28:33 on a standard road bike, although his pal JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT reveals: “He’s arranging a deal with A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer whereby he’ll pay twice the recommended retail price on some slippery kit to help shave off a few seconds.” Cheeky Joe recorded a time of 23:54 at the wet and windy event in North Holmwood, Surrey, which took place on Saturday 12th April… http://tinyurl.com/5ab778 …and the following day saw RICHARD ‘DOCTOR’ LEGGE – another recent addition to the Dynamo stable – take 3rd at the Redmon CC ’25’ in Broadbridge Heath, West Sussex, with a time of 55:48… http://tinyurl.com/5soccv. Wily TT master PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who pulled 56:58 to take 8th, accompanied former Planet X rider SUSANNAH OSBOURNE and new Dynamette JULIA WARREN last Thursday at the Hounslow Wheelers ’10’, where he was miffed to be beaten by a time of 24 minutes dead after completing the lumpy Chertsey course in 24:09. But it was at the Farnborough and Camberley CC ’25’ where the honorary club president’s heart really soared as he witnessed WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, MATT ‘J’ PATEMAN, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON turn out at the chilly drag strip course in Bentley, Hants, to form the biggest Dynamo contingent yet seen at a time trial. True to form, sizzling Simmonds was the fastest of the nine-strong group, coming 2nd with 54:28… http://tinyurl.com/5dludu …and the orgy of breathless pointy-hatted action finally ended on Sunday with Will and Martin clocking in at around 58 minutes, giving them 9th and 10th respectively at a 25 run by Addiscombe. It should be noted, however, that Will foolishly over-extended himself by also racing at the final round of the Gorrick MTB series in Deepcut, Surrey, on Sunday, taking 7th in the Sport category amongst a small field after going increasingly slower in the second half of the race on the Porridgepot Hill circuit… http://tinyurl.com/5axq25. You silly boy!

HIGHER STANDARD
+++ Blackman’s seven-second victory +++
This publication would like to add its congratulations to the clamour of praise… http://tinyurl.com/5s8nzu …for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN’s victory in the opening round of the Women’s Series, which saw her break away on her own with less than two miles to go and hold off the bunch by a margin of seven seconds – and that was after she had made her first solo attack on the second lap of the 53-mile Sid Standard race in Sutton Bonington, Notts. Brilliant stuff, Charlington! Her fellow Dynamette SUSANNAH OSBOURNE also deserves applause for taking 6th… http://tinyurl.com/5pmmmg …and the duo went on to compete at the season’s first evening of racing at Crystal Palace on Tuesday, where Charlie won her third event in just ten days. Dynamettes dominated the inaugural women’s race on the super-fast South London crit circuit, with Susannah taking 2nd, REBECCA CURLEY 4th and CLAIRE BEAUMONT 8th, while the E/1/2 race saw TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL take 3rd and 5th respectively. Up-and-coming ‘Mo RICHARD ‘HOLD ON’ HOULT took the No.3 spot in the 3rds race, while 2nd-placed STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES is narked at two riders from Citihub and Dulwich Paragon disputing the official results, claiming they should be listed in the top two places… http://tinyurl.com/6jtpq7. The South African vows: “I’ll win next week just to make sure there’s no doubt.” We’ll hold you to that, pal!

FINISHED? YOU BET
Like a croupier scooping up an inveterate gambler’s remaining chips, the inevitable moment has come for us to part company with you, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL bets his last quid on black. Always remember we are a glitzy casino, but we would be nothing without you, our high rollers, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the roulette wheel of Dynamo-related news carries on spinning, it only remains for us to remind you about…