This fall I followed the Internet’s instructions on how to cut back the giant shrub of ugliness that’s been occupying the strip that divides our front yard from our neighbor’s. Alas, the Internet lied, and the bush has not sprouted new leaves where I cut it back past its thin margin of green. Oops.

That’s ok because I hate that [email protected]#[email protected] shrub and would be happy to be rid of it. Unfortunately, as you can see, it consists of sticks that have buried their gnarled fingers deep into the earth.

Dear Internet, how do I get rid of the thing so that I can plant something more humble and subservient?