Gold Member

:261:Foot rubs? No! Back rubs? No!A hello hug where the top of the body touches but the butts stick out so that genitalia is at least a foot apart is acceptable. You may give each other two quick pats on the back then release.Straight men don't touch and rough housing is usually only done amongst college guys.

Here's a viewpoint from a guy who is admittedly bi to some extent, but who lives his life (happily) as a married straight man with passionate attraction to women:
For me, it's fairly simple. Anything I would otherwise perceive as 'sexual' coming from a woman I find attractive, were it to come from a man, I would find it startling and probably unsettling.
Importantly, however, as has been the case every so often, once I 'reset' my mental/sexual clock (or whatever the hell the right metaphor is), and reorient myself to being open to the apparent overture, I am perfectly fine... And sometimes, though rarely, I have taken the other guy up on it and reciprocated.

Gold Member

Here's a viewpoint from a guy who is admittedly bi to some extent, but who lives his life (happily) as a married straight man with passionate attraction to women:
For me, it's fairly simple. Anything I would otherwise perceive as 'sexual' coming from a woman I find attractive, were it to come from a man, I would find it startling and probably unsettling.
Importantly, however, as has been the case every so often, once I 'reset' my mental/sexual clock (or whatever the hell the right metaphor is), and reorient myself to being open to the apparent overture, I am perfectly fine... And sometimes, though rarely, I have taken the other guy up on it and reciprocated.

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That's interesting, perhaps I am missing something simple here.

We all have percentages of orientation under out avatars, well, what if he's a 90/10% or even a 99/1%? Perhaps all he meant by touching that way was that he doesn't care if I gay? Maybe he was just being daring with his own boundaries and just being affectionate, all be it gentle, though platonic.

As to the last couple posts here, I think it does make a BIG difference whether the guy whose 'overtures' are in question does or does not know (or suspect) that the other guy is gay.

If he does NOT KNOW, then I would err on presuming that the guy simply has more flexible affection habits than most, and that his affection is probably just platonic (poorly attuned to society's norms maybe, but platonic).

However, if he DOES know that the other guy is gay, well, then I think the likelihood is very hight that when he makes societally 'questionable' affectionate gestures toward the other guy he is either:
1) Flirting or making a pass (overtly or subconsciously); or
2) He is being cruel and/or manipulative (again, either overtly or subconsciously).

So, if you are the gay guy on the receiving end of a perplexing gesture of affection like this (from another guy who does know you are gay), it seems to me the best response should be the same in either case -- that is, reciprocate with a clearly sexual gesture of your own towards him. If the scenario is #1, you might be on the road to something hot together. Alternatively, if the scenario is #2, you'll just freak the bejeezus out of the little fucker, which is what he deserves.

VerifiedGold Member

If you were daring, I guess, you'd probably find out. I'd rather have my gay friends just be themselves, and we'll deal with the boundaries when they are crossed. This isn't fair if you are someone who goes crazy and wants to lay the smack down when a boundary is crossed, but luckily I'm not that way. Unless you are trying to give me a blowjob or something, but there has to be obvious boundaries.. seriously. If someone is crossing over things that should be obvious, they have issues imo.

Gold Member

on a related note....I was shooting the shit with a guy at work and the subject came around to sex (as it always does lol). I started talking about doing a DP (MFM) and he kinda freaked out. He was horrified about the possiblity of swords crossing. My reaction was well, whats the big deal? Unless you're gay or a homophobe then there shouldn't be any real problem if your swords cross. I mean, the cock is just skin and blood, and if theres unintentional contact, oh well. Of course he thought I was weird, but I mean seriously. Why should it matter?