Life was designed to be lived in community.

23 For the husband is
head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of
the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He
might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that
He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle
or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So
husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his
wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Intro: That’s their problem! I
cannot believe the number of people who have told me that they don’t need to be
here for the month of February because I am preaching about marriage. That is
part of the problem, everyone thinks it their business no one else’s (really!)

1.
God's Plan for the Christian Husband: vs. 23-29

He Must Be a Leader: vs. 23

The
man is responsible for the spiritual climate in his home. He is responsible,
before the Lord, for leading his spouse and his family into a deeper
relationship with the Lord. The husband will give an account before the Lord
concerning his leadership within the home: “For we must all appear before the
judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body,
according to what he has done, whether good or bad.” 2 Corinthians 5:10

I
realize there are times that a woman wished the husband would be the one who
would have the babies, but it doesn’t work that way. The same is true with the
man, he is to be the spiritual leader of the household! THIS WAS GOD’S PLAN!

He
Must Be a Lover: vs. 25

If the pastor mentions sex behind a pulpit on a Sunday
Morning, jaws are going to drop, mouths are going to open and a gasp will
resonate throughout the assembly! It was God’s plan that sex could be and
should be pleasurable with the spouse and spouse only! Husbands are to be
lovers. This verse says that the husband is to love his wife. The word used is
“agapao.” It speaks of the kind of love Jesus demonstrated when He died for
sinners: “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were
still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

This love is selfless, sacrificial
and steadfast. All the characteristics of Christ's love for the lost are to be
seen in a husband's love for his wife. When a man loves his wife after this
manner, she will respond by willingly submitting to his leadership within the
home.

He Must Be a Laborer: vs. 23, 25, 28-29

These verses explain the work
which a man is called upon to put into his marriage relationship.

1. He Should
Be A Protector: vs.23 - Most women have a deep seated need to feel safe and
protected. A wise husband will create an atmosphere of safety in his home. He
will live and love his spouse in such a way as to show her that he can be
trusted to take care of every need she has. She needs to know that she can
trust in his protective care of her life.

2. He Should Be Pro-Active: vs. 25 -
That is, like Jesus, the husband should make the first moves. It seems that
many times, both spouses sit back in the relationship and wait for the other to
make the first move toward reconciliation or in any other area. The Bible
teaches us that the first move belongs to the husband. If it seems that these
verses are requiring more from men than from women, they are! With leadership,
there also comes a greater measure of responsibility.

3. He Should Be Precise: vs.
28 - A wise husband realizes that meeting the needs of his spouse will prove
beneficial to himself and will make his life happier. Most men want their homes
to be havens of rest and peace and quiet. This will become more of a reality
when the husband learns to take the necessary steps to meet the needs of his
wife.

4. He Should Be A Provider: vs. 29 - Just as a man looks to the needs of
his own body, providing food, rest, etc., he realizes that the wife is part of
his flesh and he makes whatever provisions are necessary to see that her needs
are met. The husband is to give tender love to his spouse. This is the primary
"want and need” of most women. They just want to feel loved and they crave
special attention. Can I give some good advice here? Give it!

Often this is
hard for men to grasp. It is also hard for most men to come to the place where
they can provide these things on a consistent basis. However, I am convinced
that if we men could learn to treat our wives like the special creatures they
are, it would result in a far more harmonious home life for everyone. Amen men?

Women need to remember in this area that men are wired up totally different
than women. Most men equate affection with sex. For the husband, sex is the
"main event.” When we are involved in that the act of sex, we are showing
affection. The wife, however, may see affection as the main event. Therefore, a
vicious cycle is often created because men become guilty of giving affection
just to get sex, and women give sex to receive affection. When, in my opinion,
if men would take the initiative to meet the woman's need for affection, he
would find that his own need is met more often and more willingly. But, some
men will surely say, “I am just not that way!” Then my advice to you is change.
After all, what is more important in the long run, your male ego and macho
pride or your relationship with your spouse? Ultimately, men, the ball is in
our court and how we play it will often determine the temperature in our homes
and marriages. Women, I would suggest that you pray patiently for your husband.
The truth is, you are a mystery to him and he will never fully understand your
need. Just help him all you can.

2. God's Plan for the Christian Helpmeet: vs.
22

Paul gives three words to the Christian wife that will go a long way toward
producing the desired results in the home:

A Word about Rank:

Submit - A
military term meaning to arrange in a military fashion, to maintain one's
rank.” Can also mean “A voluntary attitude of cooperation.” When a woman
submits to her husband, she needs to realize that she is simply honoring God!
God did not give this command to dehumanize the woman or to make her into a
slave. He gave this command so that His order might be maintained in the home.

Christianity
gave women more freedom that they had known in 4,000 years. Up until now, women
had been seen as property, disposable at the husband’s whim. When this freedom
came, the desire to dominate in the home also developed. God's words to Eve
tell us that woman was to be ranked under the man and that she might possess a
desire to take over the headship in the relationship. Paul reminds women to
maintain rank in the home: “Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain
of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to
control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

A Word about
Respect:

The idea of submission speaks more of respecting one's husband than it
does of becoming his servant. Women could learn a valuable lesson here. While
women thrive on attention, time and affection, a man loves nothing more than
having his ego stroked. When a woman makes a man feel that he is absolutely
essential to her existence, she has made him feel respected and important. When
he does get it right, make a very big deal out of it. Tell him how strong he is
and how much you need him. It will do a lot for his self-esteem. Men like to
appear macho, but actually they are little boys who need reassurance, all the
time.

A Word about Realization:

In
maintaining her rank under her husband, the woman needs to realize certain
truths.

1. It honors God - It may make it easier to submit to your husband,
especially if he is less than you think he ought to be, if you do it "as
unto the Lord.” When your husband is walking in God's will and you submit to
his leadership in the home, it is in fact a submission to God.

2. The husband will
answer for the home - At the judgment seat of Christ, the husband, not the
wife, will answer for his leadership of the home. If there is no submission,
however, the wife will answer for her rebellion to the will of God!

3.
Submission cannot be forced - Submission is an act of the will. You will either
walk in obedience to the clear teachings of the Scriptures or you can live in
rebellion to the will of God. Genuine submission begins in the heart and works
its way out into the body. It is possible to be outwardly submissive and
inwardly rebellious. I would remind you that God peers into the heart.

4. God's
law always supersedes that of your husbands - God never expects a woman to go
against the clear teachings of the Word of God. Of course, a godly husband
would never ask his wife to do anything that contradicted the Bible. “Wives,
submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.” Colossians
3:18 (NLT)

What if the husband is lost? The wife is still to submit, but she
always has a higher allegiance to her Lord. God's will is always paramount!

More
often than not, problems in the home do not lie with the wife, but with the
performance of the husband! Now, you men will probably disagree with that
statement, but I'll stand by it, because I believe it is true!

Conclusion

Has
wedlock turned to dreadlock in your home? If so, the Word of God has just told
us how to fix it. The strength to fix it comes from time spent on our knees
before the God of Heaven. Let us begin the repair process by coming before Him during
the invitation and asking Him to strengthen our marriages. Then, let's take these
truths that have been revealed here and put them into practice. As we do, I
believe that we will see a change take place at home. God help us all to do
what we know we should do.

Let’s face it, the world and a lot of people in the
church just don’t like this biblical arrangement, and we wonder why the divorce
rate is staggering.