No Paychecks . . . No Prospects . . . Always How one writer struggles to elevate from the hammock, overcome his God-given laziness and earn a living in a cruel world that insists he work.

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Oakmont Library tonight! My book signings from cerebral to sudsy ...

It was in 2008 when I was interviewing Arnold Palmer coincidentally the day before I was to play Oakmont Country Club, regarded by experts as one of the toughest golf courses on the planet.

I told Palmer I’d be playing there and asked if he had any suggestions for how I could get a good score the next day.

“If you’re really concerned about getting a good score,” he said, “I suggest you play someplace else.”

That’s just one of the stories I’ll be telling this evening at The Oakmont Library from 6 to 8 p.m. Stop by if you’re near. These talks get happy reactions from the audiences and I wind up selling lots and lots of books, which leads to happy reactions from me.

Here’s a partial list of what I have going on through Father’s Day.

• Thursday, 10 p.m., KDKA-AM 1020, The John McIntire Show — I’ve been doing John’s show for 15 years now and it’s always a treat. So you Penguin fans will have a choice: Me and John or Sid and Geno.

• May 8, noon, Ligonier Rotary, Dave & Carol’s Roadhouse — I was given the option to talk about the new Palmer book or “Use All The Crayons!” I chose … “Crayons!” It’s still such a fun talk to give and as of now I have more copies of “Crayons!” to sell so there are logistical considerations.

• May 9, noon, Latrobe Rotary, DeNunzio’s Restaurant — This will be the first serious run-through of the Palmer talk, and it’ll be in front of a roomful of supporters so it should be a real confidence boost. One problem: Most of these friends have already purchased multiple copies of “Palmer: Homespun.” Will the talk be a success if it gets great reaction but few sales? I think so.

• May 10, noon, Westmoreland County Chamber of Commerce, Fred Rogers Center, St. Vincent College — I’m so confident this one will go well and am so pleased with the audience and the venue, I’ve hired a friend to film it. My hope is to get a bunch of YouTube videos like this one.

• May 12, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Altoona Book Festival, Altoona Library — A reporter from the Altoona Mirror is doing a story on me that will run the day before this event. I’m excited. Could be very good.

• May 17, noon, Good Guys Social Club, TGIFridays, Bethel Park — This is Pittsburgh Pride author Jim O’Brien’s social club. There will be about 50 men there and if my ’16 appearance is any indicator, I’ll sell a lot of books. Audience will include former Pirate manager Jim Leyland and announcer Lanny Frattare.

• May 19, 2 p.m. Barnes & Noble, Greensburg — These always feel like a big deal to me. Some go well, some don’t. The store manager says she’s ordering 25 copies of “Palmer: Homespun.” Sounds about right but, just in case, I’m bringing along another 25 in my trunk.

• May 29, noon, Ohio County Public Library, Wheeling, WV — This will be my third time with them at their “Lunch With Authors” event. It’s always a big deal. I really enjoy it and have both times left feeling like I’d robbed a bank. I’ll sell lots of books here.

• May 31, 7 p.m., Mt. Lebanon Public Library — With old school friends, neighbors and all Mom’s chums from church I’m expecting a riot. A very polite riot, but a riot nonetheless.

• June 7, 6 p.m., Carnegie Library, West End — I have no idea what to expect here. It could be 30 or it could be 3. Either way, I’ll walk out the door with at least one new friend.

• June 8, 6 to 9 p.m., Cooperstown Social Club, Latrobe — Kevin Smetak runs this historic club. He is a big and enthusiastic supporter of me and my books. I’m proud to have him as my friend. He’s cajoled Yuengling Beer to sponsor my book signing! I have a lot of friends at The Coop and am optimistic we’ll have a good time this night.

• June 14, 6 to 9 p.m., Flappers at The Tin Lizzy, Youngstown — Ever dreamed of drinking an Arnold Palmer while you’re buying a book about Arnold Palmer in a building Arnold Palmer spent time in his whole life? Well, your dreams are a lot different than mine. But I spend a lot of time in Flappers (one floor below my office) and bartender Zach Starrett suggested the dual promotion might be a winner. I think he’s correct.

Hope to see you at one of the public events. If that’s not possible and you’re eager to buy a book, please stop in at The Tin Lizzy and bang on the ceiling. I’ll be happy to come down and visit.

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"Last Baby Boomer!"

About Me

I'm the Latrobe, Pa., based author of "The Last Baby Boomer: The Story of the Ultimate Ghoul Pool," and "Use All The Crayons! The Colorful Guide to Simple Human Happiness." I'll write for anybody who'll pay me. I am a PROSEtitute