Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

“You’re not an Asian lady, but you couldn’t play professional basketball, either. Not because of the Judaism, though: NBA’s a wildly inclusive place. Lot of great Jewish players. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, for example.”

“Are you sure about that, Bill?”

“Oh, yeah. When he converted to Islam, he marked the wrong box on the form. Checked off ‘Jew’ instead of ‘Muslim.’ No one noticed for a few years. Kareem scored around 5,000 points as a Jew, legally speaking.”

“There’s a form?”

“What’s happening, Benjy? How’s the Summer of Skank going?”

“It’s getting skanky.”

“Well, hence the name.”

“No, skankier than that. Like: the level of skank we started at? We have surpassed that by orders of magnitude at this point. We might be reaching skankuration.”

“That’s skanky.”

“Yeah.”

“What’s caused the escalation?”

“Billy discovered the internet.”

“Oh, the internet is maybe 65% pure skank.”

“Access to skank is unfettered. He’s meeting girls online now.”

“Tinder?”

“Craigslist.”

“Oh, that’s no good.”

“Getting great stories out of it, though. Billy invited a local roller-derby team over the other night to watch the Olympics. They gave him a 4×400 Relay.”