My sister was in Macy’s a week or two ago – you know how sisters be shoppin’ – when she had some awkward prolonged eye contact with another shopper. But here’s the plot twist – the eyes she made contact with were just above the woman’s ass crack.

Not only do I love that this woman has this tat, I love that she’s so proud of it that she’s tramping around Macy’s with her ass hanging out so people can get a real gander. You’re not gonna get an ass tat like this just to hide it under clothes, I suppose.

Drake needs to find this woman ASAP and do a reshoot for “Hold On, We’re Going Home.” Just close up shots of this woman’s ass tat as she booty dances. Would be huge.

My theory behind the tattoo is that there is much more to it than meets the eye(s). I believe that the woman is a huge fan of the F. Scott Fitzgerald classic, The Great Gatsby. I immediately picked up on the fact that the tattoo has a striking similarity to the eyes featured on the front cover of the book –

Fans of the book will know that eyes are a dominant symbol throughout the story. Per a random website I found –

Another dominant symbol within this novel is the billboard eyes of Dr. T.J. Eckleburg. The eyes symbolize the loss of spiritual values in America. The billboard was erected to promote the business of an optometrist in Queensborough – the eyes symbolize the growing commercialism of America – life in America is all about making money, a lot of money as evidenced by the wealth of people like Tom Buchanan – a man’s success is measured in terms of how much money he is worth, not on what kind of person he may be morally.

I love this. At first glance you might say to yourself, “this is just some trashy, ill-advised tattoo that this woman will regret in five years,” but the joke’s on us, as the ass tat is so much deeper than we ever could’ve imagined. By positioning the eyes directly above her crusty asshole, she is protesting how women’s sexuality has been exploited by corporations to shill their products. Women have lost control of their bodies, and are viewed as nothing more than shiny objects with which to inspire consumerism. Fascinating social commentary.

About Brandon Cohen...
Brandon Cohen was raised by Jew gypsies on the sleepy island of Manhattan, and went on to defy the odds by graduating from a four-year accredited university in Nashville, TN. He's a writer and aspiring street fight videographer. Back in 2008, Brandon talked to Amanda Bynes at a club in LA for over fifteen minutes.