The Golden Dragon

As the world gets a secret link to Silgorious, it brings the most dangerous being into this planet, the Golden dragon, which creates major disruptions, making the headlines in no time!

All armies fail in front of this mighty creature, and only the one who who can save this world is the one who created this secret gateway. Busy in his own fight in Silgorious, can he come back to save this planet?

Submitted: July 10, 2017

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Submitted: July 10, 2017

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You all must be familiar with the name of Noah, and also might have heard
aYou all must be familiar with the name of Noah, and also might have heard about the flood associated with the name. He was a true prophet, and no doubt he was a very distinguished person. He
had made an ark and a small group of people along with the animals had been saved.

I refer to this historical fact here, because as it is widely known in the land of Silgorious, that it was formed around the same time as the flood. Some suggest that Prophet Noah himself
was the one who had been a helping hand, and yet some others state it as another story altogether.

Whatever it might have been, the actual fact remains a mystery. But as I have some special relations and some secrets, I wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, and according to
me, there was a couple who had wished to get the power of magic, and use it for good. It is, as I believe, an elemental form of energy, which can be used just like other forms like electricity,
heat energy, etc. When the couple requested prophet Noah to get the purest form of magic, so that they could use it for helping other people, they got their wish on the condition that there
must be no harm inflicted on anybody. If this condition is not met, then there will be grave consequences.

Now, it so happened that the post flood world had been ripe and as good as new, with freshness all around, healthy air, great weather, and there was no need to fight for any food. But
still, a magic to harm the others had been done. Not by the couple, but a thief had misused the cup and it's magic, after stealing it from them. The world shook violently, and came to a
shocking halt in its motion, all ready to plunge eternally into the deep depths of the sun.

Luckily, as all people begged for mercy and went to pray for being saved from extinction, the Earth returned back to normal, but none knew that there was a great cosmic event taking
place, and that the ones capable of doing magic had disappeared without any trace!

As the couple who had requested the magic powers recovered, they found themselves all alone, in a deserted, uninhabited land, with nothing except sand and air. The night had made the sand cold,
and the chill in the air had been like some punishment.

"How are we all alone, and where are we?" asked the wife, rubbing her eyes.

"We had been moments ago screaming for help. Thank God we are safe! The Earth might have plunged into the sun. We are on some other planet, maybe." The guess was partially correct. The parallel
universe with an entirely different system would be the complete answer. But how was the poor husband to know that so soon?

"The land is barren, there are no people around, and we have .... The cup! How kind our creator is! Our God! Praise be to him." The wife had been moved to tears.

"Well, let's try it. Use the magic to create something lovely, my dear!"
"OK, let's get a nice house and Gardens with a spring of cool clean water." The wife had hardly finished, when all that she had said appeared before their eyes, and the liquid in
the cup had finished, as if it had been used up. The cup remained, but it was empty.

"Great! Now we have an abode and some shade for the day and drink. But what about food?" It was the husband's turn to wish now. The only thing that remained was the cup, which was the last hope
for free items by the power of magic. After that, there was no magic with them. No sooner had he uttered 'food', that there was a loud commotion, and within a split second, there were
forests, animals and many colourful birds and other trees like mango, papaya, etc., and the air filled up with the smell of cooked food, and both reached the dining room, where a fabulous feast
was awaiting them!

The house was no less than a huge palace, filled with glass towers and unicorns, guarded by golden dragons, and a few fairies were visible just round the corners, shy of their new masters. This
was the palace of the Queens and Kings of Silgorious for many ages to come.

bout the flood associated with the name. He was a true prophet, and no doubt he was a very distinguished person. He had made an ark and a small group of people along with the animals had been
saved.

I refer to this historical fact here, because as it is widely known in the land of Silgorious, that it was formed around the same time as the flood. Some suggest that Prophet Noah himself
was the one who had been a helping hand, and yet some others state it as another story altogether.

Whatever it might have been, the actual fact remains a mystery. But as I have some special relations and some secrets, I wanted to get to the bottom of the matter, and according to
me, there was a couple who had wished to get the power of magic, and use it for good. It is, as I believe, an elemental form of energy, which can be used just like other forms like electricity,
heat energy, etc. When the couple requested prophet Noah to get the purest form of magic, so that they could use it for helping other people, they got their wish on the condition that there
must be no harm inflicted on anybody. If this condition is not met, then there will be grave consequences.

Now, it so happened that the post flood world had been ripe and as good as new, with freshness all around, healthy air, great weather, and there was no need to fight for any food. But
still, a magic to harm the others had been done. Not by the couple, but a thief had misused the cup and it's magic, after stealing it from them. The world shook violently, and came to a
shocking halt in its motion, all ready to plunge eternally into the deep depths of the sun.

Luckily, as all people begged for mercy and went to pray for being saved from extinction, the Earth returned back to normal, but none knew that there was a great cosmic event taking
place, and that the ones capable of doing magic had disappeared without any trace!

As the couple who had requested the magic powers recovered, they found themselves all alone, in a deserted, uninhabited land, with nothing except sand and air. The night had made the sand cold,
and the chill in the air had been like some punishment.

"How are we all alone, and where are we?" asked the wife, rubbing her eyes.

"We had been moments ago screaming for help. Thank God we are safe! The Earth might have plunged into the sun. We are on some other planet, maybe." The guess was partially correct. The parallel
universe with an entirely different system would be the complete answer. But how was the poor husband to know that so soon?

"The land is barren, there are no people around, and we have .... The cup! How kind our creator is! Our God! Praise be to him." The wife had been moved to tears.

"Well, let's try it. Use the magic to create something lovely, my dear!"
"OK, let's get a nice house and Gardens with a spring of cool clean water." The wife had hardly finished, when all that she had said appeared before their eyes, and the liquid in
the cup had finished, as if it had been used up. The cup remained, but it was empty.

"Great! Now we have an abode and some shade for the day and drink. But what about food?" It was the husband's turn to wish now. The only thing that remained was the cup, which was the last hope
for free items by the power of magic. After that, there was no magic with them. No sooner had he uttered 'food', that there was a loud commotion, and within a split second, there were
forests, animals and many colourful birds and other trees like mango, papaya, etc., and the air filled up with the smell of cooked food, and both reached the dining room, where a fabulous feast
was awaiting them!

The house was no less than a huge palace, filled with glass towers and unicorns, guarded by golden dragons, and a few fairies were visible just round the corners, shy of their new masters. This
was the palace of the Queens and Kings of Silgorious for many ages to come.

I had no idea what to read. I ruled out poem, since I know for a fact there is no way I’d be able to offer you proper feedback on something I don’t write all that well, Hahaha. I ruled out your novel because, well, it didn’t have much to it from what I could see, haha, which wouldn’t make for a very long comment. That led me to your short stories, but still, I was unsure which one to read. I chose this one though because of its title. When it comes to dragons or something else, I will pick the dragon. I am a huge fan of them, which may or may not influence what I write a lot of the time, Hahaha.
I do like your cover by the way, but anyway, I’m here to give you a comment on my thoughts. My thoughts are, where’s the dragon? And what’s really going on? Haha, first of all, I feel like this story is missing something, lots of somethings. Is this a sequel or something, because if not, then the summary in itself is confusing. I’m incredibly new to your world. Silgorious is obviously the name of your planet, right? It’s a cool name and is also your pen name, so it’s obviously got some significance. Also, who is busy in his own fight in Silgorious? And is this story based on another planet, since apparently he may or may not be able to save this planet since he’s in his own fight elsewhere? This is just me questioning your summary. So, the dragon came from this other planet, Silgorious? Is that it? I don’t know, Hahaha.
But anyway, onto the actual story. I believe this isn’t really my kind of story, because it seems just random. Like, the scientist obviously has a purpose, as he was the one who let the dragon loose, right? Then there’s this random family trying to board a plane. I get it’s a good way to introduce the situation with the flight getting cancelled, but I suppose I prefer to read stories with main characters, proper characters the story focuses around, rather than scientist, random family, then this other section I don’t understand in the slightest. Who is this person? Where is he? I don’t have a clue. This story as a whole seems to have a greater purpose, yet lacks so much needed information and attention. I feel the characters should experience things, rather than just hearing about it via the news or anything like that. I feel for a story such as this one, where there is mention of other worlds, it could easily become much longer. It needs to be much longer for me to really get into it. I have several different worlds of my own, each totally unique in their own ways. I feel when it comes to another world, it needs to be more focused on. I cannot get into anything that has just occurred because I don’t understand what has happened. Did the world just get doomed? Is it all reduced to rubble? And what does this very last paragraph have to do with anything. It isn’t to do with the dragon from what I could tell. It just seems random and out of place.
And now, onto one last thing I feel I should mention, which isn’t to do with the story, but more with your writing. Your descriptions to be more exact. First off, this ‘Breaking News!’ Okay, when a news reporter is describing certain things, it is completely different to when you’re describing things in general. They would likely not say magnificent wings when referring to a dragon, and alien monster? Where later they did say dragon? So, they believe it is a dragon, or they believe it’s an alien monster? I don’t know if they’d use any of these words. Maybe they would say beast with wings or something and some dramatic wording or something but the way you worded the whole news just seems off and not reporter like. ‘bright golden in colour’ for example and ‘magnificent wings’. Changes are, if it’s on TV, they’d see the beast, so the reporter wouldn’t have to state what it looks like, anybody watching would clearly see it is a golden dragon with magnificent wings.
I’m a little worried about how to word this. As it is, I’m concerned about sounding a little, or a lot, harsh. But I am not going to cover up my thoughts by just saying this was great. Believe me, I feel this can be great. I love stories with different worlds. That’s a huge thing for me, but I do feel this needs a lot of improving. Aside from the news, your descriptions through the entire thing are a little less than what I enjoy. To be honest, they are mostly telling the story, rather than showing it. I want to be able to picture the surroundings, where they are, what they see, smell maybe if it’s relevant, but no one’s walking around at the dump, so maybe not. Your descriptions needs to be livened up a bit, to really engage me as a reader. I’m not a picky reader mind you. I read just about anything, but at the same time, I hardly EVER, read a story that truly speaks to me, which in a way, makes me as picky as they come. If I chose to not read any story that didn’t truly capture my attention, I’d only have one or two things on my Booksie shelf. I’m talking in general now, not just with your story. When it comes to a story, for me to be really into a book, it has to have great characters, people I can relate too and feel for. Characters I want to beat the baddies, characters I feel sad when bad things happen to them, angry when they have a reason to be. I want dialogue that shows character, attitude, dialogue with a purpose, that tells me who they are as a purpose. I want descriptions, not too little, but certainly not too much. I want descriptions that aren’t dull, that shows me things rather than tells me what’s going on. I want descriptions that draw me into the story, which really makes me feel I’m in the story, descriptions that really paint a picture in my mind. I could be the fussiest reader in existence, but instead, I choose to read anything and everything, offering advice where it’s needed. Though I must say, it is just my opinion, so it doesn’t worry me if you agree or disagree. It is your story after all, and my thoughts are different from others.
When it comes to your story, I can’t comment on much else, as much as I would love too, although, this one piece of dialogue is a little confusing in a way. Why, when the little girl spoke, I’m guessing she’s a little girl by ‘mommy’. But why does it say, Tom’s sister?, then Tom’s mother? When Tom didn’t even speak at all. Who is Tom? Why do the mother and sister not even have names? Instead you use Tom who didn’t even make an appearance.
And back to descriptions, since I feel I need to elaborate on something else. What do your characters look like? Where are they? What are they doing? How are they doing it? I cannot picture what is going on, and yes, descriptions aren’t everything, but they do make your story more alive and fun to read, as long as you don’t overdo it.
Anyway, sorry for this comment, Hahaha, I know it’s sorta harsh, but I would love to see more of this world you have. There is so much more you could do with it, yet you haven’t. Thank you for putting up with me, haha. This isn’t one of my best comments, but I tried to give you criticism without being too harsh, even if I don’t think it worked….

AuthorReply

Comment | 199 words

Fri, August 18th, 2017 5:30pm

Actually, I had written a complete and action packed thriller named the Golden Dragon. I am sorry that it was somehow lost forever, in the new booksie renovation. (I had probably done some mistake) I am trying hard to recreate the whole story in a better way. I shall update this story and inform you. As far as I know, I have not told anyone to read this, as it is still incomplete as published right now.

I like the way you appreciate my story, and hope that you will love the final version. I had a previous comment telling me I could expand the story to an awesome novel.

Silgorious is the land of my stories, the booksie name, and a place filled with magic, where the past, present, and the future can (in imagination ) meet and exist.

All your thirst and hunger shall be satisfied with adequate lively descriptions and fast paced action. The story is a completely independent version with its own set of (and a few standard) characters, and somewhat related to my novel "The Secret of the Haunted House", my grand novel, yet not published on boossie.

I had no idea what to read. I ruled out poem, since I know for a fact there is no way I’d be able to offer you proper feedback on something I don’t write all that well, Hahaha. I ruled out your novel because, well, it didn’t have much to it from what I could see, haha, which wouldn’t make for a very long comment. That led me to your short stories, but still, I was unsure which one to read. I chose this one though because of its title. When it comes to dragons or something else, I will pick the dragon. I am a huge fan of them, which may or may not influence what I write a lot of the time, Hahaha.
I do like your cover by the way, but anyway, I’m here to give you a comment on my thoughts. My thoughts are, where’s the dragon? And what’s really going on? Haha, first of all, I feel like this story is missing something, lots of somethings. Is this a sequel or something, because if not, then the summary in itself is confusing. I’m incredibly new to your world. Silgorious is obviously the name of your planet, right? It’s a cool name and is also your pen name, so it’s obviously got some significance. Also, who is busy in his own fight in Silgorious? And is this story based on another planet, since apparently he may or may not be able to save this planet since he’s in his own fight elsewhere? This is just me questioning your summary. So, the dragon came from this other planet, Silgorious? Is that it? I don’t know, Hahaha.
But anyway, onto the actual story. I believe this isn’t really my kind of story, because it seems just random. Like, the scientist obviously has a purpose, as he was the one who let the dragon loose, right? Then there’s this random family trying to board a plane. I get it’s a good way to introduce the situation with the flight getting cancelled, but I suppose I prefer to read stories with main characters, proper characters the story focuses around, rather than scientist, random family, then this other section I don’t understand in the slightest. Who is this person? Where is he? I don’t have a clue. This story as a whole seems to have a greater purpose, yet lacks so much needed information and attention. I feel the characters should experience things, rather than just hearing about it via the news or anything like that. I feel for a story such as this one, where there is mention of other worlds, it could easily become much longer. It needs to be much longer for me to really get into it. I have several different worlds of my own, each totally unique in their own ways. I feel when it comes to another world, it needs to be more focused on. I cannot get into anything that has just occurred because I don’t understand what has happened. Did the world just get doomed? Is it all reduced to rubble? And what does this very last paragraph have to do with anything. It isn’t to do with the dragon from what I could tell. It just seems random and out of place.
And now, onto one last thing I feel I should mention, which isn’t to do with the story, but more with your writing. Your descriptions to be more exact. First off, this ‘Breaking News!’ Okay, when a news reporter is describing certain things, it is completely different to when you’re describing things in general. They would likely not say magnificent wings when referring to a dragon, and alien monster? Where later they did say dragon? So, they believe it is a dragon, or they believe it’s an alien monster? I don’t know if they’d use any of these words. Maybe they would say beast with wings or something and some dramatic wording or something but the way you worded the whole news just seems off and not reporter like. ‘bright golden in colour’ for example and ‘magnificent wings’. Changes are, if it’s on TV, they’d see the beast, so the reporter wouldn’t have to state what it looks like, anybody watching would clearly see it is a golden dragon with magnificent wings.
I’m a little worried about how to word this. As it is, I’m concerned about sounding a little, or a lot, harsh. But I am not going to cover up my thoughts by just saying this was great. Believe me, I feel this can be great. I love stories with different worlds. That’s a huge thing for me, but I do feel this needs a lot of improving. Aside from the news, your descriptions through the entire thing are a little less than what I enjoy. To be honest, they are mostly telling the story, rather than showing it. I want to be able to picture the surroundings, where they are, what they see, smell maybe if it’s relevant, but no one’s walking around at the dump, so maybe not. Your descriptions needs to be livened up a bit, to really engage me as a reader. I’m not a picky reader mind you. I read just about anything, but at the same time, I hardly EVER, read a story that truly speaks to me, which in a way, makes me as picky as they come. If I chose to not read any story that didn’t truly capture my attention, I’d only have one or two things on my Booksie shelf. I’m talking in general now, not just with your story. When it comes to a story, for me to be really into a book, it has to have great characters, people I can relate too and feel for. Characters I want to beat the baddies, characters I feel sad when bad things happen to them, angry when they have a reason to be. I want dialogue that shows character, attitude, dialogue with a purpose, that tells me who they are as a purpose. I want descriptions, not too little, but certainly not too much. I want descriptions that aren’t dull, that shows me things rather than tells me what’s going on. I want descriptions that draw me into the story, which really makes me feel I’m in the story, descriptions that really paint a picture in my mind. I could be the fussiest reader in existence, but instead, I choose to read anything and everything, offering advice where it’s needed. Though I must say, it is just my opinion, so it doesn’t worry me if you agree or disagree. It is your story after all, and my thoughts are different from others.
When it comes to your story, I can’t comment on much else, as much as I would love too, although, this one piece of dialogue is a little confusing in a way. Why, when the little girl spoke, I’m guessing she’s a little girl by ‘mommy’. But why does it say, Tom’s sister?, then Tom’s mother? When Tom didn’t even speak at all. Who is Tom? Why do the mother and sister not even have names? Instead you use Tom who didn’t even make an appearance.
And back to descriptions, since I feel I need to elaborate on something else. What do your characters look like? Where are they? What are they doing? How are they doing it? I cannot picture what is going on, and yes, descriptions aren’t everything, but they do make your story more alive and fun to read, as long as you don’t overdo it.
Anyway, sorry for this comment, Hahaha, I know it’s sorta harsh, but I would love to see more of this world you have. There is so much more you could do with it, yet you haven’t. Thank you for putting up with me, haha. This isn’t one of my best comments, but I tried to give you criticism without being too harsh, even if I don’t think it worked….