The Mad Scientist Server Inventory Ordering Formula

For a while now I’ve been working with Samf to learn the new server order process. SKinman asked if I could make sense of it all and try to write about it. So we started trying to come up with the exact way to represent how one chooses how much of what server needs to be ordered for which datacenter. Ultimately we came up with the following formulas:

Where P is the brain power needed (r for Red Bull, t for teetering on insanity), lambda is the brain wave length, g is the grasp concept factor (r and t again), r is the reasoning factor, sigma is the scattering effect of brain cells exploding on the inner side of the skull and f is the fudge it factor. Once you have your case of Red Bull ready say a small prayer and hit go (your head against the desk!).

Oh wait did I mention none of this really holds water because I quickly learned you have to divide and round by Samf! Rounding has no common line of thought. Sometimes 2 could be rounded up to the nearest 10, 5 or 3. Where as anything 5 and above could be rounded from minus 15 to positive 25 or hell not rounded at all! Ultimately we get to the conclusion that the true answer is “Snowmobile” or “7”. If you know any of us here at SoftLayer that’s the end all be all answer to any unicorn type question. ;-)

Maybe I should nickname Samf “Deep Thought” or “DT” for short. Deep Thought was the supercomputer from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that is used to compute the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. For those of you who didn’t read the book much less saw the movie. It takes Deep Thought 7 ½ million years to finally compute the ultimate answer which is “42”. However, know one knows the ultimate question itself. It doesn’t take Samf that long to get to Ultimate Server order answer and we most certainly know the question!

In all seriousness we take pride in using all the information that is stored in our portal and can trust that with those numbers, open communication with all our departments, historical trends and some good ole fashion common sense we can place new server orders without blinking an eye. At times it’s like Bullwinkle trying to pull a rabbit out of a hat and getting a lion instead but you don’t have to be a Mad Scientist (at least yet) to gain a grasp of the process. I will say that it’s been a pleasure learning yet another role here at SoftLayer!

The secret is telepathy. Nothing is above a SL tech. I tasked out a tech to build a time machine to help solve some issues. He's still working on it. I have a feeling he won't be successful as I asked him to come see me in the year 2000 when he finishes it- but he never showed up.

The secret is telepathy. Nothing is above a SL tech. I tasked out a tech to build a time machine to help solve some issues. He's still working on it. I have a feeling he won't be successful as I asked him to come see me in the year 2000 when he finishes it- but he never showed up.