following the signs to things unseen

fatherhood

I am now 7 months into fatherhood. Life is strange that way…you spend your life thinking there is a certain order to the world and that things only happen in that order, and whaam…the mango smoothy(cause i like them) hits the fan and you have a family with a new member on the way in a town you never thought you’d be in, with a future that…well…it seems like nobody is going to turn the fan off for a long time. Certainly there is a bit if fecal matter in the mango smoothy…cause really the best mango smoothy’s come from places where mangos grow outside the door like developing countries where the paranoia of shit isn’t the same as it is here. But, who thinks about the shit when there is all that mangoey goodness…with the added benefit of beefing up your immune system. Make sense? Good.

On the other hand, there is shit in the world…and it makes it hard to be excited about bringing another vulnerable soul into it, but that story is an old one. What father or mother hasn’t had a moment of hesitation to bring another person into the world knowing they eventually have to make the kinds of choices that make humans human or less than. I don’t wish on anyone the choice, subconcious or not, to be selfish or selfless; kind or rude; loving or hateful; happy or sad. I honestly have a hard time trusting anyone to make those choices in this world, even my own offspring. I am, hopefully, relentlessly teaching my son to make good choices in life…and apart from me I believe he is going to be a powerful influence of good in the world(cause of his mom’s amazing and interesting parenting). But seeing the society of hate, violence, greed and idolatry that he has to navigate I wouldn’t hope that the majority would be so fortunate as to have the back bone necessary to “make it.” And seeing his goodness, which is a force in itself, makes me want to declare war on all those who seek to twist and deceive. I can’t end this little strange post here so I’ll end with a nice story of Orion’s goodness.

I think Orion is as excited about being a big brother as I am about being the father of a new human. The other night he asked if he could look at the three or four baby outfits my mother bought as soon as she heard the news. He laid them all out like a nesting mother, carefully pressing out the wrinkles with his hands. After a while he thoughtfully folded them back up. And as he folded the last one he began sobbing. He sobs when he gets so excited that he doesn’t know what emotion to feel. It was a beautiful thing to see and it reminded me of how profound this experience is.