Would you ever ask someone who rejected you why he/she rejected you? Would you ever tell someone why you rejected him/her?

A blog I was reading just now advised people, well it advised men as it was written by a woman but it could apply to both genders equally, to ask the people who have rejected you why they rejected you and see if you can improve yourself. I found this a bit surprising because I would generally be uncomfortable to tell a woman why I rejected her if it's something that she can't change. I can't really see myself asking the women who rejected me why they did because I don't want to make things more awkward than they already are. However, maybe that's just me.

Why would you tell someone why you rejected him/her? I honestly don't think I would, even if a woman asked. I think that for the most part people know if they've done something specific that caused the rejecting anyways.

What Girls Said 9

1. Yes2. Yes3. As the article says... I want to know the truth. If you weren't attracted to me physically then yes, say so because I'd love to know that it wasn't something else like my behavior. Maybe i was too clingy.. maybe I came across as needy.. for that sake I'd want to know so that I can avoid doing that in the future. 4. Yes I would. As I said, I want truth and I will tell someone else the truth too. There's a nice way to say something and I'd always tell a guy that I simply wasn't feeling it. There's no need to make it harsh. You can just say it straight but with some tact and classiness. So instead of saying "I find you ugly" you say I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way which is also the truth because appearance is a part of attraction.

Thanks for sounding off. I see what you're saying. Does it ever make you uncomfortable to have to tell a guy, "I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way?"

Respectfully, I do tend to think that saying "I simply wasn't feeling it," and "I wasn't attracted to you in a romantic way," are so vague as to not be very helpful. What could be learned from hearing that?

Yes, it's definitely not a good feeling but the last time I did that, I could tell the guy was grateful for me telling the truth and he told me he appreciates my honesty and for not leading him on or just leaving it. Personally I if a guy tells me he wasn't feeling it, it's enough for me. Why? Well because it's the truth. Many times you meet great people but you really just don't have romantic feelings for them. It's not cause of something they did or said or their personality even. It's just that the chemistry was missing. I completely understand that so if someone says that to me, it would be helpful and at least I'd know it wasn't something I did.

i wouldn't bc if a guy rejects me its gonna be due to something that I can't or am not willing to change, like my physical looks. In that case, its better he reject me than settle for me if im not his preference, or me go through the stress and agony of trying to change myself to suit him. if he didn't like me, someone else will

I would tell someone why I rejected them if they asked. but normally I don't do that, I just say no

Yes I have asked because I was rejected one time. I was really disappointed and sad that he didn't want what I wanted which was an exclusive relationship. Never happened to me before, so I was beyond bummed. Sometimes I do tell the guy but like you said I don't tell them if it's something they can't change or would cause them to be self conscious. There are times where they get nasty about it though no matter how nice I've tried to be, then they're gonna hear that they were a bad kisser or more boring than watching paint dry.

I would tell him why i rejected him if he asked me.. I wouldn't want to stamp on his heart anymore, aslong as his asked me to tell him why, thats my green light to go ahead apart from that, no not really..if i got rejected i would want to know why, i would regret not asking why in the first place and i won't be out of my head till i knew

Yes, I would. However, I would not want to make that person any more uncomfortable than they already are. I hate rejecting people. I can't imagine telling someone, "Well, I rejected you because I find you physically unattractive."

I have notI would if they asked but I'd probably sugar coat itI would notBecause if they're upset about it enough to ask I can humor them by giving them some candy coated bullshit that gives them closure

Yes in the right circumstance. I've told guys things like "you come on too strong" or "you move too fast" and things like that but I always make sure I relate it to my preferences, because some girls actually will like things that I find off putting. In long relationships it's a different story. I finally after months of no contact had to very bluntly tell my ex why we will under no circumstances get back together. He claims he is trying to improve himself and I told him that's great, but it won't be for me.

If I was rejected I would want to know why. It would give me a sense of closure. Even though it hurts to hear your flaws. If a guy asked me why I rejected him it would probably be awkward but I think it's important to know what the problem may otherwise it could be what's holding the other person back. I would be gentle though because I don't like hurting people.I have never asked anyone why they rejected me because I never had the guts but I would like to.

I don't really have a favourite piece because I like all the pieces, but I like Waltz op.18! ^_^ Well, I'm only 15 but I'm aiming to become a pianist! But first I have to get my parents off my tail by clearing a Science degree which I won't need anyway...

Ah, yes! My late wife and my piano teacher when I was growing up loved that waltz. I love his Polonaise op. 53. I love his Revolutionary Etude as well. Do you like Baroque music? Who are some of your favorite composers for violin and cello?

Which Cello Suite? The one in G (that's by far Bach's most popular cello suite). I tend to think that Baroque music is great for ensembles, whereas Romantic music tends to be great for solos. I think the piano really found its place in the sun during the Romantic era. Do you know Bach's partitas for violin? I'm a huge fan of those.

The Prelude~ But it sounds like crap when I play it! I barely know how to play lol The Partitas are nice but whenever I try to mention them to my friends who don't listen to classical music they'll say "What, parfaits?"

Oh my goodness I love you both. I have found fellow musicians! (I hope you don't mind if I join this conversation.) Chopin is my favorite composer. I love his Ballade in G minor; It's my favorite piece and I could just feel exactly what he composed the piece about even before I read it. Although I do love Liszt's Liebestraum No. 3!!! I'm also a violinist and a baroque violist also. I'm really lucky that my orchestra director is into baroque music. He even knows Rachel Barton Pine (they played together way back in the day), and we'll be working with her sometime soon. I'm really excited :)

@KorilakkumaWelcome, Korilakkuma. You know, as strange as it may be because they mutually admired each other, I love Chopin but I'm not much into Liszt. I can't explain it. Do you play for an orchestra, Korilakkuma?

I do play for an orchestra, but it's my high school's orchestra (it's not like the CSO or anything lol). However, my high school has excellent arts programs and I'm in the highest level orchestra (titled Patriot orchestra). I LOVE my orchestra!!! And I'm learning great pieces right now too. We're currently working on Saent-Saens Danse Macabre, Bhrams Academic Festival Overture, and Saent-Saens Cello Concerto No. 1 in A minor. (We have what's called "senior solo" where seniors go through an audition process and get the opportunity to perform as a soloist. Our soloists are really good. I prefer our performer to any recording I could find online actually.) My high school is unique in that it has a baroque ensemble I guess. It's fairly well-known though because we work hard and our orchestra director is really enthusiastic about historically informed performance.I'm usually not a huge fan of Liszt either. I think their styles are too different. Isn't that strange?

I see what you're saying, Illusive_Man, but the difference is that I can't imagine an employer being embarrassed or feeling awkward at telling you why you were declined for a job (though I could conceivably imagine they might fear a law suit if they aren't careful). I could imagine that asking a woman who has rejected you why she did so would put her in an awkward and uncomfortable place, even if you promise you're not going to pursue her any more.

The thing is... is the women a friend of yours before you decide to go the next step or is she some random girl in a bar?Cos I'm assuming you two started out as "friends" first so it'll be alright for her to speak her mind. Just do it and see how it goes , even if she sugarcoat it you can always lick the sugar off to get to the bitter core,

oh come on , you already know her for a bit if you're into her she DEFINITELY gonna notice the little things , she's probably dreading the moment you ask anyway lolYou can always jokingly slide in and ask after the rejection.

I would not ask. There are often small things that people reject you for that can't be altered. Why would you want to change yourself unless there were cosmetic reasons?Maybe their views are relevant to them, but not necessarily relevant to me. Try to be a nice person and that is all you can do in this life. You can't please everyone.