Self-Compassion For Our Wish To Be All Things At All Times For Our Family And Friends sounds like a lengthy title, but somehow people know what I am talking about immediately. When we love other people, we don’t simply wish to be around them. We hurt for them. We want for them. We pray for them. We want to show up for them, and include them in every facet of our lives. Let’s be honest. We are greedy, and trying to keep up with all those wishes and wants leaves us feeling a little ragged.

Too Much Compassion

Prior to becoming a psychologist, I might have told you that you can never be too compassionate, but working with people of varying caring professions, and important family roles, I can say honestly that this is not true. If your self-compassion does not make up half the compassion you give, then you are definitely giving too much. Think of it this way. The heart gives compassion, which, despite its virtue, results in fatigue. Self-Compassion gives the heart time to heal and recover. Without this time, the heart will experience injury, and require substantial time to heal.

Lost In Our Love For Others

I like this topic because it is easy to get lost in our love for others, especially since we live in a world that underrates the amount of work it takes to do so, and the recovery required to love others with consistency. It does not serve us to pretend tasks are easier than they are because the body experiences all, and you cannot lie to it. When the body is exhausted, it will simply collapse, no matter how many efforts you make to convince it that it is not tired, or should not be because others say so. In this way, it is not personal as it applies to all people, and very personal because the effects it will have on you will be unique.

Self-Compassion For Our Wishes To Be Present To Friends And Family

So, how can we make this love last, and take care of ourselves at the same time? First, notice how you feel in your body right now, and soften around the parts of you that are tense. Acknowledge that you come by this fatigue and stress naturally, simply because you desire to be a positive influence and companion in the lives of others. Then, make a list of priorities. The pen is your friend. From this list, list two people (if this is realistic) that you can respond to in a day, then write down a few things you need to take care of for work or school, leaving enough space for recovery, and kindness.

When this is done, go take a walk. Listen to some relaxing music. Read a book or watch something that sets you at ease, and gives you a break from your need to assist or be conversive with others. Before you go to sleep, take some time to breath, noting with each breath, May this breath be enough. May my efforts be enough. May my love be enough. May I be enough. Then, let this work go, and give yourself permission to let the day pass, as you drift off to sleep.