valentine.

February 14, 2010

I am sat in Starbucks in Cabot Circus, working on my School Placement essay when Toby turns up. I wave him over to come and sit with me (Sunday afternoon and this place gets rammed). We embrace, he looks good in his black cable-knit zip-up cardigan and the purple Diesel Only The Brave scarf I bought him for Valentine’s Day but then got impatient so regaled him with that and a DVD of Series 3 of the IT Crowd on Friday night. He presents me with a card with the sweetest message inside, emblazoned with “You’re Tweet”, and a book of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. On the book, attached by a white ribbon, is a card which says “For the guy with the gun tattoo…” I am so touched, and with the sun streaming in through Starbucks and my essay goal accomplished for today, this is hands down the best Valentine’s Day ever.

I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, and we’ve only been together for 6 weeks, but this guy is something else. He accepts my blonde moments, my vanity, and my predilection for cigarettes. Most importantly, he’s the second man in a matter of months to be confronted by my secret and not run away, but instead embrace me and see my sincerity inside. The issue with concealing this blog on twitter is no longer an issue, and he can read the innermost parts of me without seeming to be scared, intimidated or annoyed about it, which is a blessing because I don’t want to compromise this blog – it’s an important form of self-expression. I’m not very good at letting someone in past a certain point – I don’t actively hide anything, but I don’t actively reveal everything about me to all and sundry. And now I know that I can tell him personal things, and I hope he knows that he can do the same.

This therefore constitutes the first Valentine’s Day that I’ve actually had a valentine, by which I mean more than just someone I’ve vaguely fancied, or to whom I’ve scribbled an anonymous note and then stressed about it the whole day. I’m not used to feeling secure or safe in a relationship, I’m not used to having a boyfriend, I’m not used to any of this. But after getting over the initial jitters of letting someone in, I’m really settling into my stride and it feels really good. And I hope that it continues, maybe for a long time… Wishing you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day – whether you’re with somebody or you’re single, the bottom line is never forget to love yourself.

—-

I wanted to just post a little song at the bottom, taken from LeToya Luckett’s fantastic sophomore album Lady Love, which I reviewed last year. The song is called “Good To Me”, and although in the song LeToya is searching for that someone, I feel it’s so apt because I might have found the first person in my life whom “I could take home to my Daddy” one day. The lyrics are so true and heartfelt, and LeToya’s vocal delivery is better on this song than on any other. If you live in the USA, hit up iTunes and support her by buying a copy of the single! To all of you, please listen, appreciate and enjoy 🙂