Suddenly... everything just puts to an end... It really totally seems... I just live for the sake of survival... for the sake of abiding rules of nature... of not killing myself or whatsoever...

These days... it just got worse... I just feel I am always in the wrong.... I can never set things rights even if I want or try to...

I felt like Im totally a bad person.... I dont think there is any good in me. I seriously question what am I now... What should I do.

I understand now why I dont have any friends when I need someone.... because simply I deserve it. I deserve the every bits of bitterness and loneliness I felt in life... Its an unpleasant truth... but I guess I have to accept it?

I guess some people who is reading my blog now should be laughing behind the screen saying "yea serve you right, took so long to realize" well I cant do anything about it can I?

I am a coward some might call... I really do not know how long I can face life... Still battling inside me... but the longer I am in the battelfield... the worse its gets... faith lost, more disappointment, more ugly truth smack at my face. I grew weaker and weaker.. no idea how long can I last...

dont feel like talking to anyone.... it seems... I dont deserve to be anywhere...

I am always either the one ditched or left out... I guess... some people call Ï deserve it?

Somehow there is still part of me resisting the fact that all these are my retribution.... the part of me feel that I am unfairly treated... because the people started it first.... they fill me in with bitterness thus my actions... but they dont see it... what they see are their point of view... never slow down or stop to listen carefully my part of story....

Whats the point anyway... I do not have any significance in anyone's life anyway.