8 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Cast Me in Your Show

May 26, 2016

1. I am not famous. I have not won any major awards. I have only 419 … 420 … 419 Twitter followers, and my parents still come to all my shows.

2. I am a non-Equity actor. My status as an actor is unvetted by the union, making me a more risky investment. I don’t even have an agent; I’m the captain of my density, er, destiny. (Psst—but if you ask me, I’ll say yes.)

3. I did not attend a prestigious acting school—I went to a prestigious music school. In fact, I have no formal acting training. I learned to act on the job in a 3-year open run of I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change. There, and at family reunions.

4. I am a singer-actress-musician. My primary training is as a singer and musician. (See #3.) I have both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in vocal performance, and sometimes, I sing opera.

5. I’m a mover, not a dancer. My childhood dance training gives me just enough confidence to imitate the best person at the dance call and sell it with flair. Seriously, I’m not a good dancer; I’m a good bad dancer. I’m the Elaine Benes of musical theatre.

6. I am a musical theatre person. I know I should say that I am a serious actor who prefers straight plays, but it’s not true. I really do think it’s more fun when we’re all singing and dancing together.

7. I’m not the droid you’re looking for. Fair enough.

8. The quality of my performance. Note: This one may double as a reason to cast me in your show.