Saturday, September 4, 2010

Apparently this 3 day weekend snuck up on many of you, to the extent that you frantically canceled yesterday's appointments at the last minute. I assume this was so you could leave town/start drinking/both early (Americans love a reason to drink. I think we're the only country that steals holidays from other countries, like St. Patrick's Day or Cinco De Mayo, just to have an excuse to drink).

Anyway, the day started with a typically full office schedule, but by the time you guys were done canceling, I'd worked a total of 2 1/2 hours, and we gave up and closed down at 1:25.

I appreciate those of you who were considerate enough to call. This is actually preferable to the ones who simply don't show up, leaving me in suspense. At least by calling you let us know we can shut down early.

I'm sure some of you had legitimate reasons not to come in. But it's hard for me to tell. So here, in no particular order, are some of the excuses we received.

1. I broke my arm.

2. My kid broke his arm.

3. My car died on the freeway, and I'm up here on the off-ramp waiting for a tow-truck (the message on this one featured loud music and a guy ordering beer in the background).

4. My hemorrhoids are killing me.

5. I don't remember why I see you anyway (possibly legitimate given the nature of my practice).

6. My ex-husband is in town.

7. My kid lost my car keys.

8. I have to go to Costco.

9. My cat threw-up.

10. I'm in the middle of my pap smear, and my GYN just called out for an emergency, and I'm up in the stirrups and don't know when she'll be back.

THE WINNER, however, has to go to Mr. Bowman. He's been a reliable patient of mine for a long time, and knows I'll forgive him. He also knows my sense of humor. And he left this message (Mary didn't get it, but I did).

"Hi, this is Mr. Bowman. I need to cancel my 2:15 appointment today because OH MY GOD! IT'S FULL OF STARS!" (click).

So you'll never be seeing Mr. Bowman again? No wait, the character appeared again in '2010' and it's 2010 now...In my hometown all of the businesses, but ESPECIALLY the doctors' offices, have signs warning customers that abusive behaviour will not be tolerated. Because it really is that big of a problem here. What about you?

As an American, I am always ready to celebrate any holiday in our melting pot. Provided it's not a fast day.Or require me to run around my house with a feather and a wooden spoon to search crannies for crumbs (I'd be at it for a month. Crumbs are like pets in my house). It helps that hubby is Canadian, because there are several holidays that are a week early or a week later on the Canadian calendar. Can't explain that, so don't ask.

However--

I do not need them as an excuse to drink. I think four kids is enough of an excuse.

Clearly, you should call him back and say: Look, Dave, I can see you're really upset about this. I honestly think you should sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

You know, Doctor Grumpy, you've made some very poor decisions recently, but I'm sure you can give your complete assurance that your work will be back to normal, because you still have the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission.

Oh dear, I didn't mean to imply that your patients who cancelled on you were being abusive. That's not what I meant at all and I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I just wondered how common it was to get genuinely abusive patients, because the staff at my doctor's office told me it's common here.

Well here in Australia (the Land of the Long Weekend) we thought we were the only ones who borrowed everyone else's holidays (for drinking purposes, of course).

As part of the British Commonwealth we can take two Queen's Birthdays - one for a live queen and one for a queen that died 100+ years ago. We believe in doubling up. We'll happily celebrate Christmas twice - once in the heat of summer (December), and once in July (because it really is too hot at real Christmas to do it properly). We'll take two New Years celebrations - Chinese New Year is always getting bigger! - not to mention several war memorial days and the usual Australia Day, Guy Fawkes Day, St Patrick's Day and Labor Day etc.

Welcome to my whining!

This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.

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