Steven Wells Spends 13 Hours With the Big Talker and Other Idiots

And he waves his trunk and chuckles as a caller tells him that he voted for Hillary but he can't wait to re-register as a Republican because he's started desiring tofu and wanting to drive a Prius.

The hilarity never stops.

Do I mind if I stop listening for a while? I think I need a shower.

Michael Medved

6:45 p.m. Ye gods and little fishes. The posh Englishman who's written a book claiming that environmentalists actually harm the environment and might as well go out and each individually kick a baby spotted owl's fucking head off and cut out the middle man is back on the Michael Medved show. I make that his third Talk Radio appearance today. I wish I was stupid and evil enough to be right-wing. I could make a fortune writing books about how blacks and liberals and women and poor people and people-who-actually-give-a-shit are the problem, and we'd all be living in paradise if only we'd let the mega-corporations do whatever the hell they want.

More on that later--but first, there's an ex-wrestler on Fox News commenting on the candidates' WWE smack-talk sessions.

I think he just said: "Obama has a propensity to be elitist." Propensity? Dude.

On WNTP 990 AM Dennis Prager fleshed out his totally unlistened-to-because-it's-up-against-Rush-Limbaugh show with a sickeningly obsequious interview with one of John McCain's crazy pastors, John Hagee (he has several, all of them much nuttier than the Rev. Wright).

Prager played a YouTube clip where Hagee stated that Hitler claimed to be continuing the work of the Catholic Church. He then let the Reverend try to explain it all away as a misunderstanding (rather feebly, as it happens). Even by the bend-over-backwards-to-pretend-that-born-again-Christians-aren't-raving-lunatics standards of talk radio, this was jaw-droppingly inane stuff. For the first time today I actually shouted at the radio.

"Aw, c'mon!" I said. And kicked the cat.

Prager is followed by Michael Medved who fields a call from a listener who says the American right needs a charismatic "strong man" who will "gut the Democrats." Hmm, a right-wing "strong man," with charisma, who'll gut Democrats? Where oh where is he?

Meanwhile, back over on the Big Talker, hedgehog-headed hate-monger Sean 'Inanity' Hannity has just asked a couple pollsters how badly Obama was harmed by his comments about the Big Talker's audience all being sad, bitter, religiously deluded gun nuts. Not at all, say the pollsters. In fact most voters actually agreed with him.

"What?" spluttered Hannity. And then his head exploded.

Hannity is probably the most wrong human being in recorded history. Life is constantly slapping him in his huge face with the enormous wet kipper of reality. (He's apparently still sincerely convinced that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.) It must really suck.

Top five totally ridiculous universal talk radio opinions that might just cause me to spew my fucking ring if I hear them one more time today:

2) Obama and Hillary have been given an easy ride by the America-hating neo-Marxist mainstream media, while war-hero Senator McCain has been crucified like a baby polar bear by a pack of snarling liberal elite hyenas who bear an uncanny resemblance to the Vietnamese prison guards who Guantanamo'd McCain back in the 1960s. When you think about it.

3) Jimmy Carter is a reckless and possibly insane loose cannon who--by talking to Hamas--has undone years of careful and skillful Bush administration Middle East diplomacy.

4) In a right-thinking America, Obama's campaign should've been utterly destroyed by his connection to a preacher who once said that African-Americans might possibly have reasons to be somewhat less than totally, unthinkingly and unquestioningly woof-woof gung-ho rah-rah-rah patriotic.