Trump Deletes Nine Tweets While Attempting to Spell “Subpoena”

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump deleted nine tweets early Wednesday morning in a failed attempt to spell the word “subpoena,” a White House source confirmed.

According to the source, Trump spent more than an hour angrily trying to spell the legal term before giving up in disgust.

“I’ve never seen him so enraged,” the source said. “He hates the word ‘subpoena’ more than the E.P.A. hates the words ‘climate’ and ‘change.’ ”

Having been flummoxed in the past while trying to spell such words as “heel” and “tap,” Trump now believes that the word “subpoena” is “out to get him,” the source said.

Speaking to reporters later in the morning, Trump called the word “subpoena” “disgraceful” and said that it had treated him “very unfairly,” but stopped short of threatening to fire it from the dictionary.

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.