(c) obtain a boarding pass for next "Flight of Fancy" (departing whenever enough folks like you show up to take it for goodness sake).

Meanwhile back at ranch...

Getting back to Perfectly Normal Beasts -- (PNBs for short) -- and perfectly normal things that they do.

Well for starters, you'll know when you've run into them if they:

(1) appear to be huge, hot and heaving hoofers (that you've never set eyes upon in a petting zoo or better yet, never even accosted in a dank, dark, and dreary alleyway -- thank your lucky stars and get your buns outta there!)

HOW TO TELL THAT YOU'RE GETTING OLD

Written by James L. Snyder

This week I celebrate another birthday, which brings me to that auspicious milestone where I am right between 52 and 54. A person only comes to this stage of life once, so I am going to make most of it.

This year I plan celebrating my 29th birthday. I figure it's my birthday, so I should be able to celebrate whichever one I please. Twenty-nine is perfect age; this is third time for me to celebrate it and it probably will not be last.

At 29, you are not over hill and yet you are far enough from those turbulent teenage years not to be mistaken by anyone for a teenager. Everybody knows that 30 is over hill and it is all down hill from there. However, it can be a pleasant slide into those golden years, so they tell me.

I have come to this conclusion. When a person reaches 30, they should celebrate their birthday every other year, then, after 50 only celebrate their birthday whenever they remember it. It will cut down on fire hazard some birthday cakes pose. A person should only be as old as birthdays they can remember.

Lying about one's age has become an acceptable practice for many. Women, in particular, have mastered finesse in this area. After all, what man in his right mind (if you can find one in his right mind) would ever accuse a woman, especially his wife, of fibbing here?

As long as there are stretch marks, people will stretch truth about their nativity. Beware of person who does not lie about their age. They are trying to throw you off guard for something.

Men can lie about their golf game, or how big fish that got away was but when it comes to their age, women have them beat, hands down. Men have never mastered technique crucial to lying about how many candles should go on that annual cake.

Men have a ridiculous notion that getting older is good. "I'm 65 and still can do work of any 25-year-old," is boast you often hear from male populous. Most women will never admit to being 65, let alone comparing themselves to some 25-year-old.

This brings me to a very important inquiry: How to tell you're getting old. After all, old is relative - only your relatives are getting old.

The first telltale sign of getting older is that you begin to notice certain changes around you. For example, when I first began reading this newspaper they printed it in nice bold type. Now they are using much smaller print.

I think change relates to some economical concern publisher has. After all, smaller type means they can print more words per page. If trend continues, they will be able to print entire newspaper on one page.