Emmett Cullen was by no means a pervert. He was just innately curious with no judgment whatsoever as to where that curiosity led him. M for language and implications Part 3 up: Old tricks for a new dog from an old vampire.

A/N: This chapter is dedicated wholeheartedly to Feng Yue. You wondered how Emmett would view the relationship between his half-breed niece and the reservation werewolf. Well considered it Emmett Cullen has.

Some old tricks for a new dog from a well aged vampire.

Without anymore of my blabbering.... on with the story.

*****

To the best of Emmett Cullen's estimations, Jacob Black had the worst case of blue balls on the planet. Perhaps even the worst case in the Cullen family's extensive history. Given that history, such a statement was not to be taken lightly.

Edward Cullen, resident mind reader and music prodigy, had managed to remain a virgin for over just one hundred years. A considerable amount of time, particularly when that time was spent surrounded by some of the world's finest examples of female and male specimens who were, often times, more than willing to bed him.

Carlisle Cullen, a man of impeccable virtue and control, was never one to speak much about his personal or sexual life. This left Emmett Cullen's knowledge on such matters limited. However, just about a century worth of observations, conversations, and a handful of awkward moments, Emmett was able to deduce that Carlisle had remained a virgin until he met Esme Cullen. It was a rough time window, suggesting that Emmett's father had not gotten laid for nearly 200 years: a Herculean feat that easily overshadowed Edward's self-inflicted celibacy. Given the Carlisle's control and history of self-depreciation such behavior was not entirely unexpected.

Then there was, of course, Rosalie Hale. Who, as Emmett understood it, had been somewhat of a prude before she had met him. A title that Emmett could not, for the existence of him, associate her with. So he just took her word for it. Without taking into account her traumatic human death, she had not been with a man until him. While she had not waited nearly as long as either Carlisle of Edward, she had waited.

It was hard to say how long Alice had waited, or even if she waited at all. Knowing next to nothing about her human life, Alice had always just known her future. Jasper had always been a part of her existence. The specifics of such a relationship Emmett had a hard time comprehending. Frankly, that was how he preferred it.

Jasper had been in the company of some very beautiful killers in his formative years that gave him more power than any newborn vampire could have ever hoped for. Though Jasper had never spoken of his fighting days specific detail, Emmett was sure power and pleasure came to him in more ways than one. Emmett doubted the Alice was Jasper's first physically, but he also knew enough to understand that Alice was Jasper's only in a way that mattered above all else.

Bella had, quite literally, almost killed herself just to have sex with Edward. Something Emmett still hadn't quite gotten over just yet. That was, of course, another story onto itself.

Esme, while an extremely patient woman when it came to any of the family's disputes, had been quite taken with Carlisle. From the small amount of information Edward would share, Emmett figured out that Carlisle was too much a gentleman to pursue Esme right after her death and the death of her son. This left Esme with no choice but to push Carlisle in the right direction. This being another series of mental images that Emmett Cullen would be happier existing without.

Dead or alive, hot or cold, Emmett Cullen's blood was still very red. While he knew there was only one girl in his future, there had been many girls in his past. When he had first laid eyes on Rosalie, she had been the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Had it not been for the unbearable burning in the back of his throat from blood-lust, he was not sure he would have been able to control the other lust that tightened his lower stomach and groin.

Then finally there was Nessie Cullen; a child in a woman's body who was too curious for her own good. The only child of Edward and Bella Cullen, she had grown up fast and pretty. Her body and mind, a lately her hormones, had matured to the age of an eighteen year old girl. She was willful with a wild imagination, an insolent little mouth, a devious and sometimes crazy mind, a supernatural ability to put her thoughts in your head, and had two large brown eyes focused directly on Jacob Black. A battle that all the men in her life had feared from the moment she was born, including said victim, Jacob Black, was finally beginning to take place.

Such a poor helpless mutt Jacob Black had become. He had no idea what hit had him. He had left for a college education. Leaving Nessie behind, who was still by all appearances, a little girl, only to come back to have the little girl not so little any more. In retrospect, Jacob wouldn't have been able to fight it even if he was prepared. But oh, he was trying. Had Emmett been able to get past his amusement, he would have sincerely felt pity for the werewolf.

Emmett Cullen was getting away from his point however. Jacob Black's balls were frightening blue. Given this morning's events they could only be that much bluer.

Edward Mason Cullen was over-protective by his very nature. This being a very apparent fact when his lovely wife, Bella when was but only a clumsy human school girl. When Bella no longer needed to be protected from sharp objects, Edward had focused his concern to Nessie. While his daughter did not need to be stopped from tripping over air, Edward felt it his duty to protect her from the wandering thoughts of the un-fairer sex. A considerably difficult mission when taking into account that it took far less than an imprint to make a man's blood boil when it came to Renesme Cullen.

While Jacob was off getting a higher education, Edward was combating all who dare let their eyes linger for a moment too long on his precious daughter. If at all possible, Edward was becoming a little more uptight than usual seeing as the stick up his ass (Emmett's raw interpretation of it, anyway) was almost going into his brain. Turns out that gazes are just as hard to battle as air. The gazes were becoming so frequent; Edward did not like to let Nessie out of the house without a supervisor. This being done, not because Nessie was incapable of defending herself, far from it, actually. But rather Edward put his precautions into place with respect towards Nessie's developing curiosity towards her quickly changing body and her sudden attraction to the musky scent of human men (both for blood and other things Nessie hardly knew herself).

To completely understand the situation, it must be stated that Nessie was about as bull-headed as her mother, if not more so. So it was not a surprise to anybody in the household (except, of course, for Edward) that Edward's little girl had become defiant and rebellious. Edward's leash was short but Nessie was an opportunist and when Jacob Black walked back through the door for the first time in nearly three and half years, her eyes had glinted with more than the pleasure of seeing an old friend.

As it were, Jacob Black was only but a man, thrown into supernatural circumstances. This is stated in the most literal fashion (with a slight disregard to his ability to transform into a giant wolf at will). It was obvious to everybody in the household (except for Edward) that Nessie had been pushing thoughts into Jacob's mind from the moment she got him alone in a room. This is where all the trouble started. Edward heard these thoughts, heard them before they had a chance to become an action, and predictably over reacted when he learned the exact contents of them. So Jacob had not really done anything to deserve the wrath of Edward Cullen. However, Edward Cullen did not really care.

While Esme was lecturing Nessie on abusing her power, (for the fifth time that week) Emmett along with Bella, Jasper, and Carlisle fought to keep Edward from ripping a new hole in Jacob's anatomy. Jacob attempted to explain himself to Edward but had wisely high tailed it out of there after a particularly detailed and gruesome threat relating to Jacob's genitals escaped Edward's mouth. Nessie, through it all, looked strangely smug.

This was not even the first time such an occurrence had happened. Since Jacob had been home (less than a week) it had happened a grand total of five times. Each time, Jacob was threatened the removal of an appendage that he would miss dearly. Previous threats aimed at his right arm, an index finger, an eye, and an ear, respectively. This time was unique, however, in being that Edward had only threatened Jacob's genitals; the Holy Grail of all appendages.

One must consider all of these facts when one is on such a mission as the one Emmett Cullen was pursuing at that very moment.

Emmett found himself on a worn trail connecting the Cullen family's hunting grounds to La Push territory following Jacob's familiar scent. He had sent himself on said mission to retrieve his smelly friend. Because throughout all of the chaos, Emmett had no idea what it was that had ran through Jacob's mind. Usually dissecting another person's thoughts were of no concern to him, but taking into consideration the threats made to Jacob's manhood, it was definitely worth his while.

Emmett stopped when the trail stopped and looked around.

"Tell me you brought some shorts with you."

The vampire turned, smiling widely at the sight of his very naked friend, partially obscured by a bush.

"Course." Emmett reached into the small bag he had attached to his hip and pulled out a pair of shorts. "Wouldn't want you walking around this forest indecent now would we? Or want anything hanging out in the open where it could easily be cut off?"

Jacob grumbled lowly under his breath as he caught the shorts and pulled them on. When he was done he looked up into Emmett's amused eyes.

"How long do I have before he comes after me with a machete?"

He, of course, being Edward.

"A dull wooden spoon actually." Emmett corrected. "And for the moment, you are actually fairly safe. But you know how it is with you werewolves, the future really isn't that clear."

"You're an asshole."

Emmett's grin became even wider. It was not on many occasions that one may witness a werewolf who is scared shitless. And the sight was glorious.

"I believe I sense a bit of fear within you, young one."

Jacob gave the vampire a dirty look, a dark undertone in his voice. "Edward threatened to castrate me and feed me my testicles. And I'm fairly certain he meant it."

"You know," Emmett agreed, happily, "so do I."

"Thanks." Jacob said dryly. "You're a real pal. Really supportive."

"So…" Emmett prompted, barely containing his excitement, "what did Nessie put into your head this time?"

Previous thoughts that had been pushed into Jacob's mind had been mildly explicit. Nothing too graphic, but definitely nothing a father (cough...Edward) would want a man to think about doing his daughter. Jacob had already explained to Emmett (after a fair amount of bribing on Emmett's part) that Nessie had pushed various verbal and mental thoughts into Jacob's mind. Visions of them lip-locked in compromising positions, as well as some verbal cues that came directly out of trashy romance novels.

(When Edward threatened the removal of Jacob's finger for a phrase in which a woman's genitals were referred to as a succulent peach, there had been slightly insulted look upon the werewolf's face. Jacob had later said to Emmett, hiding out once more in the trees. "You would think Edward would give me a little more credit than that.")

Jacob let a low dejected sigh.

"Not this time."

"What?"

Emmett's smile faltered slightly, not completely understanding. So he figured he may as well elaborate. "You know the reason my brother wants to feed you your balls. What did he hear? What did Nessie push into your mind?"

Connections started to form in Emmett's mind and he did not like the conclusion that they were leading to. "What?"

Jacob seemed reluctant to continue. "The thoughts Edward heard were mine. Nessie was on the opposite side of the room. And unless her gift has developed I'm fairly certain she has to be touching me to push a thought into my head."

"But I thought…"

"No," Jacob answered. "Those thoughts were all me."

Suddenly Emmett felt an overwhelming desire to rip Jacob's heart out of his chest. So it was something of a surprise to both men when they found Emmett's hand was clenched around Jacob's throat in the attempt to squeeze all the air from his lungs.

"What were you thinking about my niece, dog?" Emmett hissed down at him.

Jacob tried to say something but was largely unsuccessful have only so much air at his disposal.

Though it was not easy, seeing as how he was considering to do a favor for Edward, Emmett finally let go of Jacob and pushed him to the ground.

As Jacob crouched on the ground trying to catch his breath Emmett glared down at him.

"To think that I actually defended you! What kind of thoughts were you having about my niece, you filthy mutt?"

Admittedly, Emmett really should not have been so upset. He had spoke frequently to Jacob about things that Nessie had pushed into his mind. While many of those things had been far less than innocent, they had been funny. Funny because Nessie was naive, she was young, she was impressionable, and eventually, she would grow out of it. But Jacob having these thoughts was an entirely different matter and Emmett was not sure if he could make the connection as to why Nessie thinking something was so much different.

Jacob coughed but stood tall, leveling his gaze with Emmett. "Nessie took her shirt off in front of me. I wasn't exactly in a position to control my thoughts."

Emmett, despite his perfect hearing, thought for a moment that he had misheard the other man. "She what?"

Jacob took a deep breath. "Her shirt – she took it off."

Emmett certainly was not expecting to hear that.

"Why?" Emmett growled suspiciously.

The werewolf shook his head. "I don't have a damn clue. But I sure as hell was not prepared for it. We were talking. Then just out of nowhere."

Jacob pursed his lips into a pensive line. "I told Nessie that I was accepted to Harvard law. I don't think it would be fair to say I did much of any talking."

Comprehension dawned on Emmett's face. Jacob was extremely intelligent. When everything with the Volturri had calmed down, Jacob had got his GED and went to a choice college. His intelligence was not so much rational as it was intuitive (an animistic instinct as one of his professors termed it) and he excelled, particularly in pre-law. He graduated with high honors and his intelligence combined with his Native American heritage made him more than attractive to the top law schools in the nation.

"She was not happy then?"

"No."

"That still doesn't explain why she would take her shirt off."

"I told her that I was leaving again."

Emmett raised a doubtful brow. "So she took her shirt off?"

It sounded even more ridiculous coming out of his mouth.

Jacob shrugged. "She got upset. Demanded that I stay and that if I didn't then she would get me in trouble."

Nessie, though being one of the most intelligent and curious people Emmett had ever known, could be ridiculously juvenile.

Emmett frowned deeper, considering Jacob's words. "So what were you thinking that pissed Edward off so much?"

"Just what I told you." Jacob clarified. "I thought, holy shit, Nessie does not have her shirt on anymore. It was about that time that Edward busted through the door and began pounding the shit out of me. He must have heard our argument and was waiting right outside the door."

"Wait, that was it? You didn't think anything else."

"Didn't have time to think about much more than trying to get Edward off me."

Emmett raised an eyebrow; his amusement coming back in full force. Leave it to Edward to be a little bit more than evasive when it came to protecting his daughter. "No shit?"

Jacob nodded. "No shit."

Suddenly a thought caught up to Emmett that gave him pause. "Nessie had her shirt on when everybody else came in."

"If I remember correctly, she is just as fast as any of us."

Emmett nodded. He trusted Jacob. He trusted what the werewolf said was true. That being so, Nessie's actions completely disturbed him.

Jacob continued. "I still don't completely know what provoked her to do it though, at least the whole taking off the shirt thing. I know she was upset and I know she was trying to get back at me. But is it just me, or has Nessie been a little aggressive lately?"

Emmett raised an eyebrow. "Aggressive?"

The werewolf became suddenly very uncomfortable. "Like... um... she is coming on to me... rather hard."

Emmett laughed. "It took you this long to figure out that my niece is pursuing you? Jesus, and I thought I was dense."

Jacob's cheeks turned a dark red. He began to stutter. "I mean... it's more than that. It's like... well... she seems to be doing things not in private but always while Edward is in hearing range."

That made quite a bit of sense to Emmett. "I wouldn't doubt it."

Jacob raised a questioning eyebrow. "Why do you say that?"

"Well…" Emmett began awkwardly, "Edward has been more than a little protective these last few years. Nessie is lucky if she can get out of the house to go shopping with Esme or Alice. Lately Nessie has been doing just about anything she can to provoke him."

"So she is rebelling?"

"Pretty much. Sounds like you just been caught in the crossfire. Nessie might be trying to hit two birds with one stone. Trying to get you interested in her while managing to piss off Edward. Personal or not, what is really going has to do with the tension between her and her father. Unfortunately for you, your getting in trouble and will most likely be blamed for any wrong Nessie does."

Jacob frowned, obviously not liking what he was hearing. "Why would Edward do that? He can't control everything she does. I thought he would have figured that much out by now."

Emmett agreed. But what people should have figured out and what they have figured out are usually two different things.

"He did the exact same thing to Bella. I know you remember that."

"Because he is afraid some guy is going to look at her the wrong way?" Jacob sounded unconvinced.

"You realize," Emmett started slowly, "he is not just going to beat any random guy up for looking at Nessie the wrong way."

Jacob let out a bark like laugh, more bitter than amused. "Just me."

"Exactly."

It was pretty uncommon for Emmett to have such a serious expression on his face and it made Jacob pause.

"Why are you giving me that look?"

Emmett let out a low sigh. "It's the imprinting that is starting to get to Edward."

"My imprinting is old news." Jacob waved off, but his face remained partially intrigued.

"It was old news when my niece still looked like a little girl, Jacob. She does not look like a little girl anymore. You need to think about that."

Jacob blinked, absorbing the vampire's words.

"I have." He answered gravely. "Many times."

"And?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Emmett. I'm in a unique situation that is going to come with its difficulties. Nessie is not a normal girl to any standard. You're right, she is not a little girl any more, at least in appearance. And when I walked through the door I was not expecting to her to look like she does now. I knew she would look older, but I did not expect her appearance to affect me like it did."

"So it does … um… affect you?"

The last thing Emmett wanted to talk about was how a man become aroused by his niece. No matter how he approached it, it was still an unbelievably awkward thing to talk about. Emmett understood imprinting was a little like fate. (Fate being used in a very loose term.) Something Jacob could not control despite his better judgement. This helped little. No matter how close Emmett was with Jacob, the thought of a dog being with his niece was enough to make Emmett want to kill something. It was a little messed up in Emmett's mind that Jacob had been their when Nessie was born and in many respects had helped raised her only to one day probably marry her.

"The way she used to look compared to the way she looks now? Yeah, it definitely does."

"Are you…ah," Emmett fidgeted, "attracted to her like… um… that?" As strange and screwed up as the imprinting was to Emmett, it was apart of his family's lives now. He would have to deal with it one way or another. It was not practical to kill Jacob and diplomacy only went so far.

"Honestly, more than I thought I would be."

It was the answer Emmett dreaded, but he had prepared himself for it.

"You know Edward is going to do everything he can to stop you from taking his daughter away from him."

"Oh," Jacob nodded, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm fully aware of that. Always have been. Had a taste of it when he was trying to fight me for Bella. But ultimately I will only fight if Nessie wants me. Edward has nothing to worry about as long as Nessie does not think of me in the same way."

Some of the things that came out of Jacob's mouth sounded so much like Edward sometimes that Emmett had to remind himself who he was really talking to. The personalities of his brother and the werewolf were alike in many respects. Emmett also knew he could never tell either of them that.

Jacob had been gone for just long enough that Emmett was fairly certain he did not understand the gravity of his words. Nessie loved her father, of that there was no doubt. However, she was growing up even if Edward was not quite ready for it. Nessie would want anybody that could free her from her father's overprotective eye. Jacob would be better placed than most to provide her this. Not to mention the whole imprinting ordeal. Nessie was young and rebellious and knew of her father's particular dislike for Jacob. Despite the peace they had made between each other years ago, some feelings never completely go away.

"You have a fight in front of you."

Jacob sighed. "I figured as much."

Emmett shifted, uncomfortable with his next question. "Does Nessie know about the… imprinting?"

"I haven't told her and I'm guessing nobody else has either by your question."

The vampire shook his head. "Nope."

"Well when the times comes we will have to deal with it."

Emmett was fairly certain that time was coming much sooner than either of them thought.

"Have you, well... you know... been with anybody... like another girl?"

Emmett suspected, but didn't know for sure, that Jacob was about as innocent as Nessie when it came to relationships. And by Jacob's reaction to his words, Emmett knew that he was right.

Jacob blushed and began to fidget like a fourteen year old boy. "You're getting a little personal don't you think?"

Emmett gave the werewolf a hard look.

Jacob relented. "Um... no."

"Have you ever kissed another girl?"

"You mean besides Bella?"

Emmett had forgotten about that. This made the imprinting thing, if at all possible, even more awkward than it was before. Jacob kissing some random female would have qualified as drama but by no means would it create the kind of drama associated with kissing Nessie's mother. Unfortunately, Nessie was nowhere near as laid back as Bella and had Edward's tendency to blow things out of proportion.

"Um... yeah." Emmett stammered out.

Jacob scratched the back of his head. "No."

These werewolves were strange to say the least. "Haven't you ever even considered dating another girl?"

"After the imprint," Jacob said, "no."

"So it would be safe to say that you have never had any kind of sex before then, right?"

Jacob's entire face turned a dark red.

Emmett let out a low groan. Was it really his lot in existence to explain sex to supernatural virgins?

The vampire looked at the blushing werewolf and decided that maybe this time he should really just stay out of it. He did not want to know how the dogs did it. Besides there were other defenders, fiercer than he, who would defend Nessie whether she wanted or needed the protection or not.

"When you attempt to ... um... get with Nessie Edward is going to kill you." Emmett stated matter of factly.

The werewolf needed to know this much at least.

As Jacob's face become intensely uncomfortable, Emmett added, just for good measure, forcing the smile away from his lips, "But at least you won't die a virgin."

-fin-

AN: Hope you enjoyed. R&R. Unless there is some other inspiring requests. This shall be the last part. ; )

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