ARA: She was invited to the dance-only part of the reception

I read this on a Weight Watchers message board and was curious if you or your readers had ever heard of this? Is this considered a Ann Landers-okay thing to do?

… I am only invited to the dance portion of a wedding coming up in about a week. Not the ceremony, and not even the dinner.

I received a special invitation (not the formal invite) in the mail that simply said “Come celebrate with L & D by dancing the night away! The dance starts at 8 pm.” It was addressed to me and a guest.

My next question is – if I go (which I think I might, just to be polite and to not ruin a friendship), do I bring a gift? How much should I spend on it? I already went to a bridal shower for this bride and gave a gift of around $25.

WWYD about the gift? And WWYD when you show up to the dance?

(God, wouldn’t it be horrible to show up and have the dinner still going on?! Gahhh.) “

57 Responses

This was certainly quite common around the time we got married, we may have done it ourselves. Having said that – it was 16 years and a continent away. There’s no tradition of showers in the UK so I can’t help with that part, but yeah – sit-down food is sometimes limited in numbers and always expensive, a lot of family members are non-negotiables and will probably not be the life-and-soul of the after-party, so why not invite your friends to come and party with you?

If money is an issue, don’t have dinner, just maybe a short open bar period, followed by hors d’oevres (sp?) and deserts. Let folks know that the open bar is only for 1 drink or a certain time period and get on with it. It seems odd to select some people for dinner and others not.

If you can’t afford to have everyone at the entire reception, then don’t, plain and simple. In this economy, having a small wedding and not inviting everyone you know is totally acceptable. Inviting people only to the free tail-end of your reception, well, that’s just ballsy.

Wow, I am surprised by how many individuals feel as if they are entitled to the whole “shebang” when it comes to weddings and being invited to them. Wow, ladies. I’m embarrassed for you.

This thing first: When planning your wedding, do whatever you want to do. It’s your special day. If people don’t like that, or better yet, RESPECT that, it is truly their problem. You can’t please everyone. Please you, your partner, your families and your close friends.

I think there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with inviting guests to whichever part of the wedding you think is best. Although, I do agree that it is tacky to invite people to your shower if you do not intent on having them be present for the whole ceremony. Remember, weddings aren’t about collecting as many bridal and wedding gifts as possible. Tempting, but you must resist your selfish urge.

Weddings are expensive, tens of thousands of dollars. Please keep in mind that the bride and groom and their families are paying anywhere between $30-100 a head just to feed and liquor up folks. It is up to them to invite whom they want.

Also, what if the space does not permit it? I am in the same boat. I have to shave my guest list by 75 people. But you know what, it’s more important for me and my husband to have a small, intimate wedding and be surrounded by people who are close and special to us. Coworkers, high school and college friends, neighbors, drinking buddies and Facebook friends are more than welcome to come after dinner.

That’s my arrangement and EVERY single one of my friends, close or not, is mature enough to respect that. If anything, they are excited to be part of our special day. Please ignore the selfishness and childish responses previous people may have posted. A wedding is about a couple, not pleasing the guest.