Every Manchester United supporter will remember where they were when they heard about their club’s sponsorship deal with Gulf Oil. They’ll remember the street parties, the open-top bus rides through the city of Manchester, the calls for Ed Woodward to be knighted in recognition of his commercial acumen, and that there was only a momentary pause in their celebrations after seeing that Paris Saint-Germain have joined Real Madrid in the race for United’s best player, David de Gea. What a time to be a supporter of this famous club! If they didn’t appreciate it already, they’ll know that they’re in good hands now.

There’s also something in the papers about United scouting Rennes wonderkid, Ousmane Dembélé, the latest hot product from the famous Dembélé manufacturers, but hopefully that doesn’t mean they’ve taken their eye off the ball and forgotten that a football club’s real purpose is securing official office equipment and official paint partners.

Arsenal have stopped choking and spluttering long enough to identify Mill favourite William Carvalho as a summer target, having watched him on the weekend. You never know, he might win a tackle!

Yaya Touré keen to stay in Premier League if he leaves Manchester City

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Yaya Touré has announced that he wants to stay in the Premier League when he leaves Manchester City, but only if he can join a club where they understand the importance of cake. Apparently he really likes living in England. Go figure. Maybe it’s all those branches of Greggs. Pep Guardiola won’t mind. Having seen the state of City’s defence, he’s too busy plotting a move for Barcelona’s Marc Bartra.

Newcastle are eyeing up Ajax left-back Mitchell Dijks, while Arsenal and Chelsea are set to duke it out for Lyon striker Alexandre Lacazette.

Real Madrid’s ADD is acting up again. They’ve decided that James Rodríguez is so 2014 and want to to offer the Colombian midfielder and star of the last World Cup to Chelsea as part of a deal for bravery’s Eden Hazard. The Mill’s considered advice is that Chelsea should bite their hand off. Bite it right off.