Confessions of a Would Be Drag Queen

I'm flamingly Jewish. If you can't tell by my Ashkenazi nose or my Ashkenazi hair or my Ashkenazi surname, you might be able to tell from my belief that chicken soup will cure anything or from the Jewish star I sometimes wear. Out and proud! I'm here, and I'm rather obviously a nice Jewish girl o...

I’m flamingly Jewish. If you can’t tell by my Ashkenazi nose or my Ashkenazi hair or my Ashkenazi surname, you might be able to tell from my belief that chicken soup will cure anything or from the Jewish star I sometimes wear. Out and proud! I’m here, and I’m rather obviously a nice Jewish girl of Eastern European descent. But the queer part? It’s sometimes hard to tell. Though I am having a queer Jewish wedding in 20 days, so much of my gender presentation is heteronormative that you might occasionally wonder, “where’s the ‘queer’ part?” Well, you won’t wonder in today’s post.

I love drag queens. I love how they play with gender and subvert our expectations. I love how they’re over the top and ridiculous. I love how they’re NOT trying to look like real women. I love how they get away with wearing feathers! If I could, I would absolutely wear feathers to work every single day. I love how they wear rhinestones GLUED TO THEIR FACES! I love all of their crazy magic tricks, from eyelash glue to butt pads. They’re political activists, performance artists, circus clowns, vegas showgirls on steroids–they are all kinds of fabulous, and they are my heroes/heroines.

I don’t remember when exactly I started liking drag queens so much, but it might have been quite early on. I see them as role models for those of us who never quite learned femininity properly. Look at that person on the stage! Her mom never taught her how to properly apply blush either, but check out how she works those sequins! Damn, girl! It takes a brave person to wear four inch sparkily heels, and drag queens make them look GOOD.

My wedding day is the perfect opportunity for me to live out all of my drag queen dreams. This is due to the crucial yet often overlooked fact that drag queens and brides are EXACTLY THE SAME. Seriously. They’re both squeezed and cinched and waxed and plucked and hairsprayed and bobby-pinned and acrylic-nailed and freaking out about that one stray hair that just will not behave, damnit! Drag queens and brides both perform femininity to an expensively extreme degree. Their feminine performances are both the center of attention, and all eyes are on them. Most brides could learn a lot from drag queens!

For every single wedding question I have, I can always answer it with “what would a drag queen do?” Should I get more streamers? Of course. What color should my sister wear? Pink. What should I put in my hair? Something cute and poofy. Preferably with feathers.

And perhaps the most important question for all brides-to-be: “Is what I’m doing right? Is it okay? Is it good enough? Is it perfect?”

My inner drag queen’s response to such anxiety is lovely and always spot-on. NO, a drag queen’s performance is not ‘right.’ It’s not about being ‘right’ or ‘natural’ or ‘perfect.’ It’s about being you–only sparklier–and it’s about having fun. Screw ‘good enough.’ You are better than ‘good enough’; you are AMAZING. So get your ass in those heels and go enjoy the day!

Thank you, inner drag queen. I will!

Lag B Blog day 14. Shabbat Shalom!

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