Life Changes

Starting over

September 1, 2013

Many of us experience a point in our lives where we feel as though we're starting over. And there's a good chance this isn't the first time you've felt this way.

There are a number of paths that take us to this point; often not by our own choice and leave a feeling of "lacking any control" in its wake.

This column is meant to send prayers out to those whom are feeling quite alone and possibly frightened or in deep despair right now.

As one example, I've been laid off three times in my life - each time searching for well over a year to find a new job. I know many of you are in the same situation. Besides the energy it takes for the daily search - there's no room to downsize any more than you have and no funds to pay for basic needs. My prayers are with you.

I am also quite aware of many people whom have lost a loved one. This event could have been yesterday, or several years ago. The question of "what's my new normal?" pervades everything.

Part of this may include becoming the head of household on your own. No one knows the full feeling of this new world until they live it. And going through the emotional efforts of dealing with another's estate transactions can make one weary.

Others of you may have had various types of losses - possibly a fire or flood - where starting over is faced head on.

Or your home has been sold for you to move elsewhere in your life's journey, with the downsizing taking an emotional toll - while taking you through the past parts of your life through vivid memories.

Divorce is another major transition of navigating through new territory, while moving forward.

There also are those who suffer from daily abuse, and live in fear. It could be physical, emotional, psychological - or all three concurrently. It also could happen at any age - and from those closest to you.

So how do you get out and start over? I would never imply there is an easy answer.

I pray for your courage and "the constant belief to live a better life." You search for the right timing, and are consumed with safety issues. May your faith carry you daily throughout this time.

A "protection from abuse order" may be an important document for you to obtain. I'm certain you're thinking of the children's safety as well.

Troops and first responders returning home go through a "reentry" process. They are not the same people who left your embrace, based upon their experiences in the interim. Try to be patient with their reentry, just as you are a different person when you experienced something life changing for yourself.

May all involved show support for the person returning, you and your family, a positive transition in the homecoming, and facing any survivor guilt or other traumatic issues within the unfolding of this transition.

The feeling of "starting over" can come within so many different scenarios. Unfortunately, too many to discuss and validate in a short Sunday column.

During my lay offs, dealing with cancer and other challenging life events, I kept hearing people say, "Remember, there's always someone that is worse off." Yes that is true. But to be honest, I would have appreciated a simple validation that the "right now" that was happening did have difficulty. I offer you that validation today.

Hurt is hurt. And so is despair - no matter where it comes from. Think about it. No one's hurt is more important than another's - and we truly don't know what lies behind the facial expression of someone else walking through our lives.

I've found that more often than not, they probably are hurting or trying to resolve their own issues as well.

We must watch our judgments of both ourselves AND others, as we would strongly appreciate that courtesy for ourselves. Yet sometimes we expect more from another and too much from ourselves.

May you experience glimpses of "fearlessness," so you know that feeling IS possible. May despair not sweep your life's mission to the side, as you endeavor to gain your footing. May you quickly grow to find a pace that suits you, a safe environment around you and the right support system - which may be different people than you expect.

May each day when you lay your head on the pillow, and also upon awakening, be able to deal on more secure ground - if but one moment at a time - throughout starting over.