Santa, the Identity Thief

He apparently knows every time we’re sleeping, when we awake and all of our day-to-day activities. He keeps us on extensive LISTS. Our children confess their most personal thoughts to him. Um, hello? I don’t even share most of these details with my friends, let alone a complete stranger who I’ve never actually seen.

Nobody’s even clear on what his name is. Kris Kringle? Santa Claus? Saint Nick? Ho-ho-ho. Everyone gets a good chuckle out of those shady pseudonyms!

And how about the numerous unsubstantiated sightings of him? People all over claim to have seen him sneaking around their house. What kind of huge-scale scam IS this?

Then there’s the giant beard. All the better to steal your stuff with.

And what the heck is this guy’s birthday? Allegedly, he’s been alive for hundreds of years. Sure. Or he jacked a really, really old birth certificate from an antique museum. Also? Nobody can afford that many toys unless they’re running it through a stranger’s credit card. The man wears a uniform identical to thousands, if not millions, of other people found in any given mall throughout America. Makes him a little hard to catch, amiright?

Let’s protect our families from this mayhem!

Lock your doors, guard your pine trees. Secure your WiFi! I don’t know about you, but I sure as heck don’t want the north pole getting ahold of any more of my personal data. So Nate and I have come up with a plan of attack. That’s right. We’re freezing Santa out this year with our big, buff guard dogs and a locked-down network through Hotspot Shield. We’ll be stealthily tracking his actions on that “follow the sleigh” website in secret, with an IP address he can’t detect and an encrypted WiFi network so he and his little elves can’t sit up on our roof and snoop on our personal info. Take THAT, Santa.

Or whatever your name really is.

Want to learn more about Hotspot Shield? Their free VPN that will hide your credit card details and personal information from prying eyes while you’re buying Christmas presents and checking up on that “jolly” old man. Connect with them on Twitter, Facebook and their very ownHotspot Shield blog.

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Chelsea is a marketing consultant and writer with an inability to sit still and a weird persistence in the kitchen.

Nate is a do-it-yourselfer with a soft spot for animals and a penchant for discovering exotic new spices.

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