Real Housewives of New York Recap

Last night on Real Housewives Of New York tears were cried, laughs were laughed, and friendships formed in the most unlikely of circumstances. It was nice.

Carole Radziwill and Dorinda Medley have arrived in London and their hotel rooms are enormous. Also, Dorinda has suddenly become “Doris,” but pleasantly she’s swapped aggressive martini-fueled meltdowns for good-natured girl talk and tea.

Carole visits the church temporarily holding Anthony’s ashes. It’s been 15-years since Carole has seen the urn bearing her late husband’s remains and she’s understandably anxious. The church: small, quaint and modern, is quite different from the place where Anthony was originally interned. Carole shares that her late husband was the ultimate practical joker and the traveling urn with Carole receiving the email that it was moved would have made him laugh. That’s a poignant and fun touch.

One thing I’m really enjoying about this season’s Real Housewives Of New York is that all the ladies alternate bringing the drama. They also take turns playing the mediator or the good friend, which makes for a relationship-driven show about real women. People have many sides to their personalities, and don’t always behave one way, good or bad, something Bravo often fails to demonstrate in its Housewives. Ironically, with EIGHT housewives and their personalities to parse out, Bravo has illustrated the humanity of these women better than it has in many seasons and returned RHONY to the show we all once loved.

Bethenny Frankel is hot in the midst of finalizing renovations in her new apartment, which looks almost identical to the one she forfeited to Jason Hoppy – right down to the Skinnygirl red. I guess if it ain’t broke… (which it is broke). Since Bethenny is no longer homeless, she invites Carole Radziwill over to check out the new pad. Bethenny admits she’s using blowjob currency to get everything completed on time and suspects it may be worth it to pay some extra cash and switch to hand jobs instead. Such is life on the mean streets of NY – a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get a roof over her head and a clean place to not eat.

The waves came crashing down on Real Housewives Of New York. There were so many rules of engagement and disengagement, I’m not sure who broke what and if they used an icepick or a d-ck. Between Class With The Countess, How-Tos With Heather, and Bossing By Bethenny there was just a whole lotta lecturing going on. Ladies – just stop being so uncool and let Ramona Singer get her groove on.

Things resume at the F-U dinner, but the only thing they’re feasting on is each other and still fighting about whether or not an F-bomb is an acceptable way to pepper a conversation. Dorinda Medley starts sobbing. Heather Thomson rushes her to console her in the bathroom, but here comes Ramona, all gold lamé and I want it my way, wedging herself between Heather and Dorinda. Dorinda is RAMONA’s FRIEND – Hands OFF!

The ladies of Real Housewives Of New York are still in Turks and Caicos, but they’re starting to panic, one mosquito caught in a macrame dress after another. Of course Ramona Singer is annoying everyone, and if there were Ramona-Off, it would be in constant use.

Bethenny Frankel is making lunch, because I’m sure there’s some Skinnygirl salad from her book, or she was trying to pimp her new Skinnygirl salad dressing or salad tongs or salad croutons made of compressed air and over-active imagination of what carbs actually taste like. But drama with Ramona eclipsed her Skinnygirl Self-Promotion Brigade.

Ramona is demanding everyone eat lunch at a restaurant. Bethenny is pissed, because she’s been cooking and that’s hella rude on Ramona’s part! Bethenny chases Ramona around the beach house yelling that she’s manic. That, my friends, is the true definition of Irony By Bravo – Skinnygirl Margarita glass calling the Pinot Glass empty.

When Snapped meets Real Housewives Of New York insanity (and hilarity) ensue. In what has become my favorite episode like ever, last night was the perfect genesis of drama (and melodrama) meets fun and friendship. Keep it comin’ Bravo.

The ladies are all Scary Island 2.0, but this time it’s Sonja Morgan having a total break from reality (gummy bears optional). After Sonja and Bethenny Frankel went head-to-head over whose head was more screwed up, the ladies chowed some lobster and went to bed. Drama makes a mama cranky and sleepy. Rather, it makes most people cranky and sleepy – it gives Bethenny and Ramona Singer a crackling energy.

They stay up discussing the Sonja-sodes (the Sonja Episodes) and Ramona confesses to being worried about her bestie. Both agree Sonja is turning to alcohol to cope with loneliness – something ironically they can relate to. This spirals into a truly touching conversation where Ramona opens up to Bethenny about her divorce from Mario.

Real Housewives Of New York – when it’s too hot in the city, despite the arctic winter chill, escape to the islands of Turks and Caicos but bring the arctic chill with you! I truly did love this episode – it was old times RHONY – real friends, serious drama that wasn’t fake or fabricated, yet light-hearted frivolity and laughs.

I’ve come to love the friendship of Bethenny Frankel and Luann de Lesseps. I think they deserve their own bestie name: Bethann? Luannethy? I’ve also come to accept Kristen Taekman as being silent, but necessary – her facial expressions are the omnipotent narrator and her outfits are a pleasant diversion from such atrocities as macramé, lucite stripper heels, or neon yellow bikinis purchased from the MTV Spring Break store in 1993.

Bethenny invited a select group of ladies she likes to decorate cupcakes. Sponsored by Skinnygirl. Not to be outdone – or out boozed, rather – Ramona Singer yanks a bottle of pinot and wine glasses out of her purse. “Who carries wine around in their purse,” Bethenny snaps, caustically shoving the newest Skinnygirl beverage – replete with Skinnygirl glass – in Ramona’s hand. Bethenny should just get a food cart at this point – she can drive it everywhere! Hell, our little homeless one can even live out of it!

Over cupcakes Sonja Morganannounces she is about to pay off off her bankruptcy judgement and wants to celebrate by spending money again. That’s um… that’s really learning from your mistakes! First order of spending into bankruptcy 2.0 is taking a trip to Turks and Caicos.

I still don’t know what the hell happened on Real Housewives Of New York! One minute Bethenny Frankel was crying, the next she was hugging, the next she was building flimsy walls, the next she was eviscerating, the next she was arguing, the next she was conducting a high-powered business summit, the next she was running away, then she was apologizing. Dare I say – with all her emotional turmoil – she was acting like Kelly from Scary Island. I feel like everyone needs an instruction manual for how to operate Bethenny.

Back in the Berkshires at Dorinda Medley‘s birthday dinner, Bethenny is having a sobbing meltdown because Heather Thomson tried to smother her with a meatball like some sort of depraved Upper East Side momogul version of Aqua-Teen Hunger Force. Get the memo, Heather: Bethenny doesn’t eat! Bethenny is allergic to fish – and, also Xanax!

Then Bethenny is running around to Heather’s side of the table, eyes shining with tears (or maybe it was Skinnygirl Sparklers; who knows) hugging Heather and apologizing for the walls she’s has because everyone is trying to put her in a Skinnygirl box. “I’m over myself!” Bethenny snaps. “I just don’t want attention!” Except for the times I’ve talked to the media and put myself on reality shows!