Bachelorette Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski to wed

Ed Swiderski proposes to Jillian Harris on Monday's episode of The Bachelorette.Photo by
Handout

Just when you thought it was safe to turn on your television, reality TV’s summer hit, The Bachelorette 5, returned to real time Tuesday night, as the freshly minted couple du jour, Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski, were back in the spotlight — a mere day after leaving it.

For those few who haven't been following the twists and turns with bated breath, let’s review: Jillian chose Ed in the season finale Monday, over two other contenders: Kiptyn Locke, a developer from Encenitas, Calif., and Reid Rosenthal, a Philadelphia realtor who, after being rejected for his hedging, returned to make Bachelor/ette franchise history as the only person to be dumped twice.

As host Chris Harrison got things started, we were back in a studio packed with enthusiastic female fans.

Fans who could be counted on to say “Awwwwww” in the right places, especially when directed to do so.

Before we could get to the good stuff, we got an update from Melissa Rycroft, the popular Texan who won, then lost, Jason Mesnick’s heart in The Bachelor 13.

After a rehash of her public humiliation, Chris asked what she remembered from that day.

“There’s the embarrassment factor,” she said. “The other times it happened in my life it was private . . . This was public.”

The same week she was dumped, Melissa was romanced by a new beau: more reality TV, in the form of Dancing with the Stars, where she proceeded to waltz her way into the Top Three. Weeks later, she was engaged to an old friend.

“Everyone . . . in that situation has gone on to bigger and better things. Do you think Jason made the right choice?” Chris asked.

“Yes,” she said emphatically.

Redemption complete, Jason Mesnick. You can go shopping in public again.

Next up was Kiptyn, still in need of a shave weeks after we saw him attempting to squeeze out some tears post-rejection.

He, too, was subjected to a visual recap of his televised jilting.

Brow furrowed, he talked about that moment. “To have it go from what I thought was going to be the start of us to the end of us was crushing.”

Jillian appeared, dressed in what seems to be a Victorian-era tennis dress, ruffly and white — appropriate, considering Kiptyn has been served.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jillian reassured him.

And . . . then came the first wave of tears. Jillian was moved at the prospect of having dumped such a wonderful man.

It’s ok, Kiptyn: The producers will give it a short cooling-off period, then announce that you’re the star of the next Bachelor as soon as it’s seemly.

Next it was Reid’s turn to confront the woman who scorned him and his surprise proposal.

“I’m hangin’ in there,” he said as the footage rolled. His expression was inscrutable as he watched himself getting down on one knee, then being told he needed to get up.

“You’re getting denied twice,” he said, as his eyes glazed over and the audience hung on his every facial twitch.

Did he want to kick himself for not opening up about his feelings earlier? Chris asked. “Yeah, of course,” he said.

“In my head I thought, ‘OK, she’s just waiting for me to tell her that I love her,’” Reid explained. He fully expected a “slam dunk.”

Did he still feel like a piece of him was missing? “Yes.”

When Jillian reappeared, they were both flustered, rushing to fill the awkward pauses.

Did Reid regret doing it? “No,” he said, after consideration. “I could say a lot.”

Jillian rambled, tearily, to close the gap, trying to strike a balance between being kind to Reid and being kind to Ed, who, presumably, was sitting backstage watching.

“If I told you how I felt earlier . . . would it have changed anything?” Reid asked.

“Maybe this is because I know how happy I am now . . . I know I made the right decision. . . . I was just so in love with Ed I could never have let him go.”

Ouch.

The clock ticked loudly.

Chris took a well-timed question from the studio audience. A lwoman in a hot-pink mini-dress stood and asked if he’d started dating again, and (tee hee) if he’d consider dating her.

Reid extricated himself gracefully and we were brought sweet relief by a commercial break.

Then there was Ed, who lifted Jillian off her feet in a bear hug as she squealed in delight.

They, too, were subjected to a lengthy montage of their journey. Cue more tears, as both watched with glances of mutual adoration and audience members hauled out the Kleenex.

Did the proposal live up to her dreams? “At the time I thought I was going to pass out,” Jillian laughed. Ed: “I wasn’t nervous up until the morning of. I remember thinking, ‘Oh my God, there’s no way she’s going to pick me.’”

They made out a little, which I guess seems perfectly normal to them now.

As expected, Jillian, currently a resident of Vancouver, has decided to move to Chicago to be with Ed in September, and they plan to marry in the next 12 months.

They took questions from the audience: Was everything working out in the bedroom? “Yes,” they answered. They said a whole lot more, but nobody really wanted to hear the details.

So: Jillian loves Ed. Jason loves Molly. Melissa loves Ty. And all is right in this segment of the fantasy universe.

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