Tag Archives: manners

I first published this post in 2013 and thought it needed a second look. Feel free to forward it to the rude people, or those without filters, in your life. Fortunately I can’t think of anyone I know who fits that bill right now… now that my kids are in college, but you never know.

When a child under the age of 6 or 7 asks a rude question we can brush it off as the innocence of youth. But, when an adult asks rude questions or says rude remarks it just makes them look stupid, insensitive and just plain mean. Not to mention it makes them seem like bad parents.

Their mouths open and rude things just spew out like so much sewage. They have no idea of how them might hurt someone, and how badly it makes them look. On some levels being rude is just another way of being a bully.

I’ve been having this discussion with friends on and off about rude things people ask or say so I’ve made some lists of “What Not to Say ANYTIME”. And don’t be shocked. These are real things we’ve heard people say.

Note: For example purposes all references to a child will be LuLu or Rand. And of course I know none of my regular readers would say rude things like the examples I give below. It is just a list (I like lists. Like to make them. Like to read them.)

Things never to say to people with children:

Why do you only have one child? Variations include: You need to have more sex. Only one child? It’s selfish to only have one child.

Why don’t you have more kids? Answer: None of your f__ing business.

Won’t little Rand get lonely if he doesn’t have any brothers or sisters? Why no, he has a lot of friends.

Only children are selfish children. Not true. Go away.

Why do you have so many children? Answer: Go away.

Which is your favorite? They’re children not ice cream flavors. Go away.

What is wrong with LuLu? Variations: Do you get money from the state for her? Shouldn’t she be in a facility for kids like her. Yes, people who say things like that SHOULD be shot or at least slapped silly but that is illegal so just tell them “I love my child and I don’t wish to discuss her with you.”

Things never to say to your single friends, especially those over 40.

I have someone I want you to meet. He but he hates cats. This is to the friend with 3 cats. The friend who has always had cats. The friend who WILL always have cats.

Life isn’t complete without a mate. Really? That is both rude and wrong on so many levels.

I wish you’d find someone. Answer: Well so do I, so why are you rubbing it in?

Are you gay? Honest to God I can’t tell you how many single people I know who have been asked this question. There is nothing wrong with being gay or single. There are gay single people. Gay married people. Gay dating people. Get over it.

Things Never to say to Cat Owners:

I hate cats. OK this is the story. The cat is sitting in the front yard watching bugs. Then the cat goes inside and eats, Then rubs up against my leg. What is there to hate? And why do you feel compelled to say you hate MY CAT? I’m not asking you to take it home with you. Go away. You can also exchange cat with dog, horse, rabbit, parrot, fish, husband – some people are just RUDE.

Things never to say to someone on a romantic date:

Do you mind if my sister/friend/mom/brother comes with us?

How much money do you make?

I don’t date many people.

I’m not good at dating.

You’d be perfect if you lost about 10 pounds. And you’re sleeping alone tonight Mr. Romance!

Too much about your ex.That includes ex wives, ex girlfriends, ex husbands, ex boyfriends, ex lovers of any kind. Don’t talk about how badly your kids are doing either. That is also a sure fire turn off. And don’t use the excuse of being “honest”. That doesn’t fly. It is RUDE to do an emotional dump on someone who wanted to spend the evening with YOU and NOT everyone who has ever done you wrong.

Things Never to Say to a WORKING MOM:

I stay home with my kids because they need me.

I’m raising my kids. I don’t want someone else to do it.

I get to volunteer at the school 3 days a week so I’ll know what my child is doing.

Before you know it they’ll be grown and you’ll have missed out on everything.

I’m taking a class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and just can’t get any housework done.

All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a Stay-At-Home Mom

Why don’t you have a job?

Don’t you wish you had your own money?

You don’t work so why don’t you have time to go to the gym?

You’ve wasted your college education.

All of the above is just rude. Period.

Things Never to say to a child that isn’t yours?

How much money does your dad make?

Who did your parents vote for?

What are your grades?

Do your parents spend a lot of money on ____________________?

It seems like there are a lot of people who try to find out financial information about people they know through the children. And tell your kids not to answer any questions about money or other private family matters.

Things never to say to a Vampire:

Why aren’t you wearing black?

Show me your fangs?

Do you sleep in a coffin?

Aren’t you worried about eternal damnation?

Things to never say to a Werewolf?

Do you eat people?

Do you have fleas?

When you take a bath do you smell like a wet dog?

I’m allergic to dogs.

Do you have stretch marks?

That’s it. Just remember to gently, or not so gently, keep reminding those unfortunate friends and family members to THINK before they speak.

Angry Vampire Rules to Live By

Don’t leave your kids for a piece of ass. You may think it is love, but it is a piece of ass.

Don’t lie about your child’s other parent to get your way.

If you’re going to cheat on someone who loves you break up with them first.

Don’t bait people with your political bull shit.

Don’t lie.

Don’t pick favorites with your kids.

Don’t bring strange men home until your kids grow up.

Buck up and be a parent.

Don’t tell someone getting over a death to deal with it, or that they’ll meet somebody new, or that the departed was needed by God to be someplace else. Just shut the fuck up and be there for them.

Don’t act stupid.

If someone posts something on social media that you don’t agree with just pass on it. Don’t comment. You aren’t going to change their mind. You’re just going to make them unfriend you – and make all of their real friends mad at you.

Don’t be a troll or a jerk in online groups.

Don’t be a troll or a jerk period.

Stop getting all butt hurt over everything. Being a fucking prima donna isn’t flattering for anyone (especially when you’re an adult male.)

Wearing clothing that is too tight will not make you look sexy. It will make you look like a sausage.

Read. Something. Anything. Just read.

Don’t make excuses for what you read. If you want to read romance, or horror, or technical gardening manuals then DO IT. You don’t have to answer to anyone.

Believe in yourself. I know that is hard with everyone in the world telling you not to, but screw them. Believe in you. If you’re reading this I BELIEVE IN YOU. Do it.

Tell toxic people to either seek professional help, or tell them to go to Hell. Or tell them nothing and stop talking to them. You don’t need them. They are toxic.

If someone tells you that they blog about goats, or rabbits, or Vampires, or Chinese myths, please don’t say, “I don’t really like goats, or rabbits, or Vampires, or Chinese myths.” Just say, “WOW, that is really cool.”

History isn’t about dead people. It is about what makes us alive today.

Don’t be rude to the help.

Don’t expect Vampires to go around with blood dripping from their chins. Seriously, who the Hell does that?

Vampires can go out during the day. Get over it.

NEVER wear black stockings with open toed shoes. Seriously. Don’t do it.

You don’t have to show off your boobs to everyone. Let me say that in another way… you don’t have to show off your tits to everyone. Sometimes it is ok to wear a shirt that covers a little more. Sometimes that is the sexy choice.

Nobody gives a shit what your wedding dress looks like. They’re all checking out the level of awfulness in the bridesmaid dresses you picked out.

Cats are assholes but you MUST still love them and protect them.

Don’t tease animals.

Don’t be that asshole at the dog park who tells other dog owners that their is something wrong with their dogs, when everyone knows your dog is the jerk. The same applies to parents of human kids.

Your child is not the center of MY universe. Get over it.

You don’t have to answer the phone every time it rings.

Don’t talk to me about religion or politics.

Never brush anyone off or discount their worth because of their age. Young or old – everyone has value, and their words, opinions, and talents have worth.

Don’t say shit about the state I live in. I’m in California. Nuff said. I love it. I’m here for the long haul. Get over it. If you like where you live I’m happy for you. Seriously. Stop hating on me.

We’re Vampires, not flesh rotting Zombies. We’re not rotting. Get over it.

Watch out for Goblins.

Be there for your kids.

Talk to your kids.

Talk with your kids.

Listen to your children.

Don’t judge your teens.

Listen to your teens.

I’m going to say it again – Listen to your teens. Don’t judge them. Hear what they have to say. Hug them. Be there for them. Don’t discount their opinions or dreams.

Tread lightly near angry Vampire moms.

Feel free to share your angry rules in the comments below. If you troll anyone (including me) I’ll remove the comment. Or leave cute comments about your cats or dogs. That will work too.

I should have called this post: YOUR RIGHT FOR A FREE AND FAIR ELECTION.

Tomorrow is voting day.

Tomorrow Clara (my 17 year old) and I are going to be working as poll workers. This will be a great experience for my daughter. She isn’t old enough to vote but she will be part of the process. The three others people we’re working with are from a variety of backgrounds but all are there for the right reasons – they believe strongly in YOUR RIGHT FOR A FREE AND FAIR ELECTION.

And they’re cool people. I’m happy to work with them again.

When you vote please REMEMBER:

Poll workers are not the ones who make the rules. They follow the rules set down by their county and State (or Parish if you are in Louisiana.)

Poll workers are there because they believe in YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE.

Please do not be snarky or rude to poll workers. It isn’t funny.

When you give the poll worker the name of a dead person, your neighbor, or anything that is not your name just makes you look like a bully. Maybe you are a bully. Maybe you don’t give a shit. Well, you should give a shit.

As a poll worker I can’t give you any opinions. I can only smile, sign you in, give you your ballot, and assist you by explaining how to vote.

I will make sure your vote is private. I will make sure your vote is counted. I will make sure nobody bothers you when you vote. I will make sure nobody prevents you from voting once you arrive. I will give you a smile. I will treat you with respect.

Yes, no matter how you vote, or how much of an asshole you are, I will treat you with respect. I will be polite. I will respect your right to vote in a free and fair election.

We will be there from 6 am – 10 pm. It makes for a long day because it is worth it.

Despite what I’ve said, most people who come in to vote are nice.

So is you haven’t already mailed in your ballot, please get out tomorrow and vote.

And maybe, if you aren’t too angry about the election, tell your local poll workers THANK YOU for their time.

As the New Year approaches let us all make a resolution to be nice and civilized in 2015. We will also make a resolution to teach the teens and younger adults in our lives to do the same.

Good taste and manners is what differentiates us from those people who are considered somewhat lower than us on the evolutionary scale.

There are things we do not do.

Do not wear push up bras to the gym.

Do not try to dress sexy at the gym.

Do not bring babies to movie theaters.

Do not worry if someone ignores you at a party. Their existence doesn’t count.

Do not pay attention your cell phone while dining with others.

Do not pay attention to your cell phone while you are on a date or at a business meeting.

Do not let your dog sniff crotches. He can sniff dog butt but that is all.

Get your dog fixed.

Always show respect to your teachers (even if you do not like them). The rewards will be great.

This list could go on and on. It is just part of my chore as someone who writes about parenting young adults and scolding older adults.

Dear Vampires, you also have to mind your manners. Make it a goal in 2015 to follow proper etiquette.

Use proper hygiene. You’re a Vampire not a Zombie. Nobody likes to be around someone who smells dead. For that matter nobody likes to be around someone who looks dead. The same goes for Regular Humans and Werewolves.

Never be a bore. Nobody like to be around someone everyone wishes was dead.

Don’t talk in an Eastern European accent unless you are from Eastern Europe.

Be neat. Blood stains are a bitch to get out of carpets and clothing.

Age has nothing to do with maturity. Just because you’re 400 years old doesn’t give you the right to be an immature jerk.

Don’t be creepy.

Don’t lurk around.

Don’t stalk. If you like a girl just go up and say hello. Don’t stand by her bed late at night and stare at her.

Don’t take advantage of Regular Humans. Just take what you need and get out of there.

Always be polite and use good manners. You already know that you’re better than everyone else so act that way. And I don’t mean by being a snob.

Be a person everyone wants to be around. That way you’ll never go hungry.

——————————

I came home to finish up this post after going for a walk with my kids. We went about a mile away, away from the trees and the neighborhood to the local Starbucks. Along the way we talked. The subjects ran from over population, to religion, to manners, to dogs, to good friends, to relationships, to cities my lovelies would live in when they grow up and go out on their own. We saw the snow on the mountains in the distance and decided we’re in a pretty good place right now. But one day they will spread their wings and discover the world on their own. I told them about some of my hopes and dreams and things I almost did. They said I have an adventurous spirit. They were surprised by some of my youthful adventures and dreams. I still have dreams and plenty of adventures ahead of me. You have to. Everyone has to.

So to add to the list of things above, here are a few more:

Keep talking with your kids.

Listen to their dreams.

Keep having your own dreams.

Keep having your own adventures.

And don’t be afraid when your kids want to have adventures. Let them fly. Let them live their lives. They’ll be safe because you raised them right. I hope you raised them right.

Treasure your time with them. Treasure the small things. The walks, the talks over coffee, the time spent piled up on the couch together, the times watching funny dog videos or shopping or going to the local museum… all of the times. It all matters. It is all well spent.

All families are different. We all have different parenting styles. That is ok with me. That is because I know all kids are different. And in the end if we love them and teach them to be smart and educate them they’ll turn out ok. If we talk to them and they know we’ll listen to them they’ll be ok. If they know they’re safe with us, their parents, they’ll be ok.

A few things kids should know:

Some people start out with charmed lives and make stupid mistakes.

Some people start out with charmed lives and make smart choices – but tragedy befalls them.

Some people are just stupid.

Some people claw and fight their way to the top and then have charmed lives.

Some people realize that they can change.

Some people don’t.

Sometimes it takes a long time to become someone you like and admire.

Some people never learn that.

Some people are stupid when they’re young and grow out of it.

Some people learn from their mistakes.

Some people never learn.

Some people always seem to be lost.

But most find their way.

Not all people or families are like yours.

That isn’t a good thing or a bad thing – it is just a thing. Maybe more of a good thing because it keeps us from getting bored and boring.

Don’t get involved with things that piss people off and will end up hurting you in the end (extreme politics, mommy wars, religious wars, cults, hero-worship, obsessive fandom, self mutilation, eating contests, dating slugs, etc etc etc.) Yes, there is a reason why things piss people off.

Mind your manners. Respect the right of others to express their opinions.

Don’t be a follower. You don’t have to be a leader, but never be a follower.

Don’t wait for him to make the first move.

Those are the things we need to discuss with our children and young adults. It is easy to be thrown into the world to flounder. Sure we need to make our mistakes and learn from it all, but wouldn’t it be easier if kids had the right tools and a little bit of help. By help I mean guidance. By help I mean someone to talk to.

Werewolves tell their children to “Howl at the Moon!” That is good advice for anyone. Sing your song loud and clear. Sing the song of who you are and what you are – even if you are singing alone.

Have a good summer everyone (even if you’re sticking around here with me.)

I’ve frequently posted answers to questions about Vampires on this blog. The answer is usually “no” or “I won’t tell you.”

I’ve also commented on things NOT to say to Vampires. Well, I’m in hot water because some readers want to know what the CAN say to a Vampire.

So what CAN and SHOULD you say to a Vampire?

Of course my brain immediately went blank. I suppose you could say anything polite and witty to a Vampire and you’d be OK…. maybe.

The general rule is that if you know someone is a Vampire, and you’re not, it isn’t always going to go well.

So in musing about this subject I asked Tellias, one of the ancient Vampires in my life about conversations with regular people.

We were sitting on his front porch a few nights ago sipping cold goblets of Poets Blood (from a new shipment at Dave’s Dark Wine Emporium) pondering the meaning of life.

He told me story about how he handled questions from regular humans who find through various means that we’re Vampires.

“Juliette, my dear girl,” he started as he took my hand. “They’re naturally curious about us, as you well know. Back in my Roman days they considered me a minor demigod. They knew I was different with certain powers but they didn’t know what a Vampire was. I went along with it and used it to my advantage, rather innocently I dare say. But sometimes I’d just be annoyed by not being with my own kind, like a foreigner in my own land.

Every once in a while someone would ask me if they’d suddenly have the ability to see the Gods or see the future if I’d drink their blood or something ridiculous like that. I brushed off most questions. I mean, it was a good life, I can’t say it wasn’t. I lived in luxury, the pretty blonde boy who couldn’t be killed and could read minds and keep everyone feeling calm. But after a while I wanted my own kind. I wanted to be with a woman who liked a cold touch and understood what I was. Converting someone wasn’t an option. Roman culture wasn’t right for Vampires. I needed a real Vampire woman. I found her in Britain. Right, but back to your question. Their questions. As long as someone isn’t rude or exceptionally stupid I’ll answer anything. Of course I’d rather they not even know I’m a Vampire in the first place. But if someone does know, like those rare people who DO know just because they know, or those who find out accidentally…what were we talking about? Oh yes, as long as they don’t ask to be converted into a Vampire or ask stupid personal questions I’m not going to be offended. It still doesn’t mean I’ll answer them.”

He ran his hand though his white blond hair and gave me a smile. “Of course I always taught you kids that no matter how friendly or comfortable regular people are with Vampires, you always have to keep that thin line of fear between you and them. We can’t let them get too comfortable or we might as well end up becoming Vegans and turn to dust.”

Tellias always had a way of making things make sense even when he wasn’t completely at his wits. The 2,000 year old Vampire looks all of age 20 but spent centuries nurturing and mentoring the Vampire community.

As for my friends, my few friends who know I’m not like them, I let them know there are limits on what I will and won’t tell them. It all boils down to good manners and respect.

Tellias started to hum a tune I didn’t recognize, something ancient and strange. I sipped from my goblet and listened to the sounds of the night thinking of how odd it is of us to be so different, yet to us it was so normal. Then again, maybe we’re the normal ones.