Military life brings special challenges for marriage, finances

Fifty years ago, Paquita Rawleigh was a new military bride from Spain, married to a Navy third class petty officer. They arrived from Europe and landed in New York City for a week of processing.

Fresh off the boat, the pretty brunette got tired of sitting in her room, so she decided to wait in the hotel lobby and watch Americans as they interacted. On the third day of her “lobby watch” she was approached by a man who spoke Spanish.

She was so excited to finally be able to speak to someone in her native tongue. They discussed a wide variety of topics including American food, culture and traditions. After several hours of visiting, the man leaned in closely and said, “Do you love your husband?”

She looked him in the face and caught the full meaning of the inappropriate question he was really asking.

Did she love her husband? She started yelling in Spanish and then she showed that man just how much she loved her husband by beating the would-be Don Juan over the head with her purse!

That Spanish wife was my mom and she taught me that life with a military man can be fun and exciting, but it can also be challenging. This lifestyle can also become hard financially because of the unique strains put on the household income through frequent moves, military separations and fluctuating pay.

With bridal season upon us, here are some tips for military brides to keep the mystery alive while watching the money:

• Hello! Welcome to the military, the more you familiarize yourself with what it means to be a military spouse, the better prepared you will be for the emotional, financial and physical challenges involved. This is truly a great way of life, one that has a noble purpose — to protect America’s freedoms. You are now a part of this great call and the sooner you accept the challenge, the more your marriage will prosper.

• Help. This is a strange new world of acronyms, protocols, separations and strange behaviors. (Anyone ever heard of a “roof stomp”?) You can get help through a number of resources, like

MilitaryOneSource.com and my book, “Heroes at Home — Hope and Help for American Military Families.” You can also go to your local Family Support Center to see if they have free gifts for new brides as well as a newcomer’s orientation. Plus, there are Family Team Building courses you can take that are helpful as well.

• Hope. Today, many military brides get married and immediately send their spouses off to war. You need to plug into a solid source of hope — and right away. This may be your faith — find a local church or the base chapel and attend. It could be a spouses group — go to the monthly meetings and find a friend. Or it could be another kind of support group, such as MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel), CWOC (Catholic Women of the Chapel) or even the Toastmasters, a public speaking organization. Get plugged into your unique source of inspiration and let it feed you the hope needed to continue on this great adventure.

• Household finance. It’s important to establish a regular household budget early in marriage. Go to

elliekay.com and use my interactive budgeting tools. You need this in place before any deployments in order to be a part of the money decisions in your home. You are the one who will likely carry many of these decisions out in the months and years to come!

• Home, Sweet Home! You may want to decorate your house with all things new, but make sure you aren’t charging these purchases. Now is also the time to decide on a “TDY splurge budget.” When military members deploy, that’s when personal finances really take a hit as spouses tend to buy expensive air tickets home, engage in recreational shopping, or eat out frequently. There’s nothing wrong with any of these — if they’re budgeted and not charged on a credit card. Set aside a mutually agreed upon “splurge budget” and enjoy yourself, guilt free, when your guy is TDY (on temporary duty).

Ellie Kay is the best-selling author of 14 books, including “Heroes at Home: Hope and Help for American Military Families.” To view her blog, go to elliekay.com