Spiritual Awareness & All Aspects of the Paranormal. Based on my real life. A Journal, Diary, Notebook and Thesis all in one as I create the Science I needed to understand my gift. All events are true and based on my journey to understand the physics of Death and the Psychology behind it.

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There are any forms of Spirit communication. Spirit are inventive to say the least and as subtle as a brick when they want to let us know they are around.

But why do they do it? Why go to all that bother when they know they are the butt of jokes, misunderstood, abused, denied, ridiculed and lied about?
Dead Lives Matter. Just because they are dead doesn’t mean they don’t have an opinion and I’m a spokesperson or representative for the dead.
I’m their loud speak or foghorn some would say lol
The thing that sets me apart from other Medians or Intuitive Clairvoyants is instead of trying to prove they existed I sat and asked them questions and observed their answers.
I stopped hearing the dead and started listening to the dead.
And they taught me how to be an amateur theoretical physics, and philosophy and history. I understand evolution now on a mind blowing level. It seem so easy to me now because I’m lucky enough to experience the answer to the question I seek.
I am developing the theory based on observation of recent conversations with the dead and things I’ve experienced is those of us who are dead who communicate often have something to make up for in this life with loved ones of society.
For example. Those of my loved ones who are crossed over who I see often in Spirit, are those who I had issues with in life. Hurts and issues I carry with me due to the nature of the relationship we had.
For example: (I’m about to get very personal here)
My Dad. I loved him. He is someone as far as his long and distinguished army career is something I simply beam with pride for.
I have SO much respect for what he did for his country. He was adored by all who knew him. He made time for anybody who needed him.
Except his family. He neglected my Mum, cheated on her, left her to raise 7 kids on her own and when he was home he slept and got pissed.
He was a fantastic man and we never went hungry and always had a roof over our head. Just…..
He let me Mother dream about ‘One day when you get out of the army we can go to Scotland’ and when he did get out he dropped dead 7 years later having worked himself to death as a security guard who worked all the hours blob sent.
Leaving my poor Mother to raise 2 orphaned grandchildren by herself.
I know my Dad was embarrassed of me. I was over weight, sleepy-aroundy, reckless and un-militarian. (yes I made up a word). I was too soft, I cried all the time. I hurt so bad as a teenager and child.
he wanted badly for me to join the army. I think he thought it would toughen me up and help me lose weight. Truth be told, If I wasn’t so fat I would of joined. I’d of had a great time. I would of been so proud to have been known as Sarg Major Callaghan’s daughter. Then I would of risen to the ranks just to spite him.
Yet the night he died, it was me he sent for. We drove 2 hours to be home that night he called me and asked me if I was coming home that day Friday 9th January 1991. Which I thought was odd and I told my husband at the time ‘Something is wrong, I need to get home’. My Dad didn’t like me, why was he calling me? The ones he did like lived across the road from him and down the road etc…
h had been unwell and had been to the Doctor. He was given Amitriptyline and was afraid to take it. I talked him into taking it because I was taking it too.
I went to bed that night and said to Mum ‘I’m not going to sleep tonight. I can sleep in the morning when I know he’s okay’. Call if you need me.
No sooner had I hopped into bed with a book all hell broke loose.
I had to do CPR on him, my poor Mother standing at the door with my nephew who was about 14 I think looking to me to do something.
When the ambulance was there had to ring my siblings.
Anyway…..he and I had issues. The only time I ever saw pride for me was the day I got married. When I walked out in my dress. He did a double take. He took my face in his hands and told me I looked so beautiful and I knew he meant it. He teared up and said I looked like my Aunty Rosina which I’m now getting emotional about because as I talk I’m reliving the experience. (the perks of time traveling) I’m feeling my Dads big hard Royal Engineers hands on my soft skin. I can smell him.
Old spice and tobacco. I thought my Aunty Rosina was a movie star. She was stunning to me. My dads hands were scared and rough because when I was a baby he put a fire out in my bed room with his bare hands because my sister Paula went to sleep reading by candle light.
The candle was on a varnished dresser and the varnish stuck to his hands.
I know your telling me you loved me Dad and I love you too but you were the man who was supposed to protect me forever and you didn’t.
But I forgive you. I do. Because on the course of my journey I have come to realize that you taught me so much growing up. It felt like you were never there but when you were there you clearly made an impact on me.
You taught me my love of tanks and cars. You taught me how to walk. I’ll never forget the only compliment you ever gave me as a kid was I had an excellent walk lol
You taught me how to be organized. I loved it when you would bounce the coin on our beds to see if they bounced. I was determined to get it bouncing higher than my sister Erin’s.
You taught me my love of death. Serial killers and unsolved mysteries etc…because I’m Scorpio, I have a fascination with death because I rule it. I rule birth, regeneration, the occult and sex (hehe).
I would try and solve them. Dad and I would have discussions with him about who we thought Jack the Ripper was.
You taught me how to drink. I LOVED watching you entertain the crowds. You sang like a god. You sounded just like Bing Crosby who I adore. His Xmas album takes me back to my childhood Christmases. You always made Christmas so exciting. You were home, and happy. You were relaxed and friendly. You were excited for Santa.
You were such a big kid. I was so proud of you. Do you remember when I was about 8 I had a vision of you and Mum dying when I was still young? I was afraid you wouldn’t see my children. You came into my room because my siblings were laughing at me for being dramatic and you sat on my bed and you said ‘You and Mum weren’t going anywhere, not in this life or the next, life goes on Debbie’.
I’ll never forget what. I was 18 when Lauri died, 25 when you died and 32 when Mum died. You never saw my kids and neither did Mum.
But its okay because you do now. My boy has been talking about you since he was 2yrs old.
Thank you for protecting him. I know it was you that stopped him falling the wrong way off the couch. he should of fallen through the glass cabinet and he didn’t. He moved slowly on an angle and got slowly lowered down.
So I forgive you. I’m moving past it now. I have let go of it all. I cant ignore the fact you were a good teacher and you made me not afraid of what us kids were.

My sister Laurie I hardly every see. I’ve had maybe 4 encounter with her my entire life since she has been dead. All in dreams.
Bu my son has been talking about you since before he could walk. The pregnant lady who hit her head with red hair.

We had a good relationship. We got closer when she got sick. I helped her with her pregnancy an cancer treatment. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer the same time she finds out she is pregnant at the age of 27. She was due to have Emma on the 31st of May. They induced her on the 17th of April. She died on the 31st of May. I’ll never forget the look on Mums face as I lay beside you after I cleared your airways and put you in the recovery position.

I knew immediately why I’d just done the comprehensive first aid course on my Early Childhood Development Certificate.
You and I never had reason for you to hang around. That’s why I never saw you. I get it now. I know your part of the greater consciousness that helps me figure stuff out.

My Mum I never see. I’ve had maybe 2 dreams, you have come through on reading, yet I feel you answer my questions. You let me go when you were dying because you knew you and I were gonna be okay after your death. You and I had been on a journey since the second I was conceived. We both had to make a choice. Live or die. We chose life and there began our journey. You used to smack the shit out of me but I grew to adore everything about you. You taught me to be strong and to stand y your man no matter what. You taught me to cook.
You used to love standing in the kitchen letting me peel carrots, I could tell because you always called me Bub and played with my hair.
You taught me how to read palms and tea leaves our way.
You taught me pride for my culture. Scottish and Maori. You were the victim of abuse yourself because of Papa. So it’s okay. I still loved you. I grew to love you more. You were the personification of what a real woman was.
I wish I’d gotten you to teach me how to sew. I loved you teaching me to knit. I would even of let you teach me stupid gardening stuff bllllhhhaaa.
It was so boring to me until you taught me to feel the soil and stuff. That was our special thing between you and I no one knew about. Your respect for the land and it’s life was just so special t watch. I saw how being in the garden made you calm. It brought you peace. It’s why when I need calm and to connect to the universe I need to be around trees and plants. You taught me that.
You taught me how to take care of my man. The only difference is I also got my own independence. I’m determined to show y boys what it is to see a positive female role model. Someone who works hard to be the best at what I am while still maintaining a stable relationship with my man. (I’m talking about my life here not yours) and raise children at the same time. In fact I’m going one better and retiring my EX husband so he can stay and raise our boys and home schooling them, driving me around and being the cook and cleaner while I run an empire haha
Sounds nuts, but watch me.

My point to all of this rambling is this. I believe that the Spirits who communicate have to in order to make up for some loss in relationship during life.
They are hear to teach us. Hear their wisdoms and learn from what they teach. Be honest, stop denying it exists. They are just energy. Like for example. Look at air. You can’t see it but you now it is there. You can’t exist without it.
If they are around, they re trying to make up for something. Let them do it. So they and you can move on from it having learned something from the experience.
Whether you knew them in life or not. If they are there and your experiencing them, there is a lesson in it or you. Help them out. It’s the kind thing to do. Trying to prove their existence instead of understanding it.
If you have issues with someone who has crossed over and you another are around, find a way to let it go.
Whether it is forgiveness or cutting off all acknowledgement, either way they get to move on and learn from the experience and so do you.
But move on. The dead matter to us. As far as the evolution of us as a race is concerned it really does.
The dead have something to say and they an help you move on from so much.
I shared my story with you, my personal story with you because I was showing you as it happened how you move on from something that has stayed with you for a long time that left you growing up hurt and confused.
Letting go of the past is important. I understand, I couldn’t move on without learning to let go of my Daddy issues.
He was a good man. I’m honestly so proud of him. He did the best he could and it got me where I am today so he can’t be half bad I reckon lol
They talk to us because they are here to teach us and until you all hear them I will speak for them. Me and my gob. My Mum literally named me Foghorn Leghorn when we were placing family members with Looney Tunes Characters.
lol She must of known something aye?

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Before I came to America last month to do this radio show and start the process of trying to get my visa and so on, I sent a message out on Facebook to the people I would be spending a lot of time with to explain to them that as an Empath I will have times in my life where I will need to detach and spend time alone.
That they weren’t to take it personally. In fact I’ll just show you the message.
It is as follows:

I really don’t like socializing unless I have to. I prefer to sit and work on my connection then have down time. I don’t like being told, I like being asked, I don’t like sharing my life unless I want to share. I am a private person unless I want to be public. I am a Scorpio. I like to decide when and where I go. It’s hard for me to express this to people who are comfortable being social. I get accused of being a snob or rude but I’m not. I’m independent and I like to know my surroundings before I charge into them. People think because I’m a hurricane with them I’m a hurricane with everyone but I’m not. AT ALL. I don’t like crowds, I don’t like being in unfamiliar surroundings and I don’t like being babied. I’m not complicated. I’m just Scorpio. I want you to help me be independent and you’ll get loyalty in abundance. But I don’t like people talking about me, sharing my life, deciding my life or assuming things. My life is an open book only once I take the lock off.
Why? Because I deal with death every single day on levels 99% of the population can’t even imagine. My articles on mental health are being published, my clients rely on me to keep their issues confidential. I take what I do very seriously. Not to mention the grief and heartache associated with my work. It’s so much for me to carry these burdens on my shoulders. I take people’s fears and turn them into hope. No-one understands that in order for ME to be free of these burdens I need time to my self. I need time to sort the emotions out in my head and release them so they don’t become my burdens too.
Please don’t be offended if I say no to something or don’t want to do it. Please understand that in one 20hr working period I may have held a man grieving for the loss of his child, helped a man decide not to hang himself, helped a woman change her career path, passed messages on to a grieving husband, taught 6 students Medianship through murder and done some Physics. My job and my gift are as protected to me as my children are. If I ask you not to share, or give me space, or help me understand something it is nothing personal. You just don’t know what goes on in my life that day.
I absorb everything like a sponge. When I’m out with you, you see people having fun, you see people being people. I hear blinding noise, I hear their fears, worries and thoughts, their broken hearts and suicidal thoughts, their debt worries and dishonesties. On top of which I’ll then have the dead telling me how to fix them all which is impossible even though it’s all I want to do. I was born just wanting to love everyone. Because I can’t that is a burden for me. So I avoid it as much as I can and let the universe decide who I am to help.
If your in my life it means I love you. If I let you in it means I trust you. But I trust you only once. It’s not easy being me. I work long hours to help people. If I want to stay home it’s with good reason.
Please try and understand that and it’s about to get worse because when I get to America I’ll be working as much as possible. I need to earn money to provide for my family and pay taxes when I’m there. The things I’ll experience will be bigger than even I’m used to. Being thrust into the limelight the second I’m working. No time with my kids, missing my man, work on my mind, people to employ to drive me, manage my career, travel costs, rent to pay etc…my burdens become mine pretty fast.
But I do it because it’s my dream, my dream job, my dream friends and family surrounding me in many states and continents. I’m a sponge. I need to wash myself out and let myself hang out to dry. Otherwise I will become heavy with the things I absorb. So please if you don’t hear from me, or I’m quiet or anti social it’s nothing you’ve done. I’m just doing what I need to do to release my energy so I don’t end up like the people I’m in America to help.
It’s not easy being the one person 100,000 people plus a year come to for advice and guidance.
But I do it because I can. I do it because I want to. I do it because I am Scorpio, I do it because I am Debbielee. I am the person I am born to be.
Thank you all for reading this if you did. That in itself means a lot to me. My only fear in life is letting people down. I don’t want to be doing that for anyone.
But it does often come at a detriment to myself.

Since I wrote that post I have been around hundreds of people who I have absorbed their thoughts and emotions like a sponge.
I read people every second of every day even when I’m not reading them as my job. An Empath absorbs everything around them like a sponge.
If your not an Empath your never going to understand what it is to be one.
We can’t be around gossip, we can’t be around prejudice, we can’t be around hate or negativity because we absorb it and reflect it back IF we don’t know how to handle it.
Most people don’t know how to handle it so they become depressed or suicidal.
This is why people in the new age philosophies piss me off so much. Because they use this word like it is peanut butter and it like peanut is cloying to my palate and drives me nuts.

Anyone who is an ACTUAL Empath doesn’t tell people they are one because it evokes a whole range of issues so it is easier to just never tell people. An Empath is more than someone who cares, it is more than someone who sympathizes and it is costing people their lives and I’m the one who has to pick those pieces of suicide and depression up.

I have been around thee most horrendous situations since I have been in Wisconsin and there has been absolutely nothing I can do about it because I’m in a confined space most of the time and as I started to feel myself get weighed down by the negativity that has been surrounding me with peoples thoughts, griefs, sadness and inner turmoil’s my beautiful and very patient teacher Pauline Wardel Braddon came to me and said ‘Just look up’.
At first I wasn’t sure what she meant. My student bumblebee did a reading for me and he kept saying in this reading to Just Look Up.
And because I file stuff like that away in my head it comes out just at the right time.

Yesterday I couldn’t stand it any more. I HAD to get into my quiet space and try to decompress everything that is going on in my head.
I’m dealing with my gift, and my empathic side while trying to figure my future out, work with clients in my usual day job I do in the UK and my students, along with my radio show and missing my boys and fiancé all at the same time.

No one will ever understand what it is to be me. And I can’t talk to anyone about what I am because no one understands. It is never as simple as ‘letting go’ or ‘talking about it’.
It builds up like lime scale and over time it can wear heavy on ones soul and the only way to remove it is to do what you need to do to remove the scum that becomes hard on your heart.
That is why I say, have an outlet. Whatever your thing is. do it. It helps, it really does.
But once in a while it isn’t enough. So like yesterday when I couldn’t stand it any more I had an incredible moment with a Spirit in the place I was staying and then my teacher came and reminded me to JUST LOOK UP!!!
She then went on to explain it like this and I share it with you.

Go somewhere quiet and lay on your back. And just look up.
Because looking up will what is there will always be more simplistic than what is around you and inside you.
Looking up will be a plain ceiling, with one maybe two colours of objects to purvey.
Looking up will be a beautiful night sky with dark blues and stars, or a sky of greys and blues with whites if it’s a nice day.
Looking up is calm on ones mind and looking around or within is a kaleidoscope of colours and emotions that can be overwhelming to your mind. So lay down and just look up.

So I did just that. I went to my room where I get changed. I put my blanket on the cold floor and turned the lights off and just looked up. Before long my mind stopped racing. My heart began to beat a little slower and before I knew it I was calm and relaxed again having started to think about simple things like how good it feels to hold my boys in my arms.
How nice it feels to be held by my fiancé. Kittens that look like Hitler or Kitlers as my friend Becca calls them.
I felt the negative leave me. I felt it drain from my soul.
I went to see my friend Colin Slife race the other day. He is an incredible car racing prodigy who will be a Nascar champion by the time he is 19-20 years old. He is an inspiration to me and the perfect role model for my boys and children everywhere.
At 14 he raced against grown men and did so fantastically well I was proud and honoured to be a apart of it. I LOVE cars. I loved watching him drive 100 times around that track.
BUT with hundreds of spectators there it was impossible for me not to absorb peoples thoughts.
There were affairs going on, people wanting to kill themselves and deciding how, people secretly HATING each other with such venom in their hearts and some of it was directed at that poor boy.
I of course had to protect him and ended up blowing the lights out in the stadium because of it.
But I also saw sexual predators eyeing up some of the kids playing and women hating on other women because of the men there were with etc…
At one point I nearly ran out of there. I can NOT under ANY circumstance be around negative minds and hearts because with my gift it can turn dark and dangerous.

I could kill someone with my thoughts, if I transmitted that kind of bad energy out to the people who made me angry I could crash their cars, make them go nuts or worse.
With great power comes great responsibility. I take what I do very seriously. People trust me with their deepest darkest thoughts and fears and I am proud to say I have built my reputation on three things.
My Confidentiality.
My Honesty
My Knowledge.
People know I speak the truth when I counsel them. That my intentions are honourable and my heart is in the right place.
I observe EVERYTHING. The curse of a Scorpio is we watch and observe our surroundings even when we appear dopey and docile.
The students I stay with for a while freak out because before I leave them I ‘read them’ and make observations that ring true to their very core.
I floor them and it makes them go away from me happier and more focused and a little shocked because they assume the whole time I’m just a big floppy haired Muppet who swans around all dazed and confused.
But I pay attention to every detail. Because of this I need time to decompress and a lot of people just don’t get that sometimes it means in order to do that I need to Just Look Up.

My students under s certain level of ability know they will never be allowed to watch me read, or hold sessions with fellow students.
My life, my feelings, my work is 100% confidential. This is the basis and foundation of my very existence.
I make no apologies for this. There are only two people in this world who have built trust with me over the years to decompress to verbally and I was married to one and about to marry the other.
My balance.
My ex on one side and my current on the other. They are my scales. They are the two that have seen me develop my gift over the years and don’t judge me when I have melt downs or cry.
You can explain this to people till your blue in the face but I trust very few people with my inner thoughts and cerebral process for the simple fact that no one will ever understand what it is to be me.
I live by the voices in my head. I don’t judge, gossip, criticize, condemn or try to complain.
Writing is my outlet for expression as is working out and music.
But while I might be the worlds first Paranormal Scientist and while my life appears to be cool and super happy fun time it is hard and exhausting when you absorb everything like a sponge.
An Empath is telepathic as well and 99% of people who are suicidal hear voices thinking they are losing their minds not knowing they are hearing Spirit of the voices of people they have encountered that day or week.
If you don’t have an outlet it builds up like a volcano and will erupt into something dark if you don’t have an outlet.
So I’m sharing this with all of you who feel like your heart wears heavy with the burdens of the world.
Go somewhere quiet, no people around, lay on your back and Just Look Up.
Stay there until your mind is clear. Look at the simple shapes and colours. It really does work.
You’ll come out of it exhausted but then have something to eat and watch how incredible it feels afterwards.
I feel fantastic.
Sometimes even caring people need to be a little selfish. If you don’t take time to rinse out that sponge your soul becomes dirty from mess you absorb around you, you simply end up smearing your own life with the filth you absorbed and you deserve so much better than that.
You were given your good heart for a reason and you can’t let ANYONE under ANY circumstances taint that in you.
It is okay to remove yourself from the negative in your life. If you are around people talking mean about people, if your around prejudice and gossip it is okay to shut yourself off. They will never understand what it is to be you.
You get one shot at this life. Don’t make yourself have to come back because you didn’t award yourself the time to just look up while others look down.

The choices you make today directly affect the consequences of those choices tomorrow. So make better choices for YOU not anyone else.
As I always say ‘Live your life for others, make them happy, live your life for you, make you happy’

If the people in your life truly care about you they will understand and give you time to do you.
If not, they aren’t friends and shouldn’t be in your life in the first place so maybe the universe is trying to tell you they are one of the negative things your soaking like a sponge.
whether it be your job, your school, your friends or family, your society or your street, if your an Empath your going to absorb it all.
The New Age movement should be ashamed of themselves for wrongly identifying themselves in such a manner and I will make sure now I have a Talk show on WRMN1410 that people know the truth.
They aren’t the ones picking up the pieces of what an Empath really is.
I am. And because of that once in a while I need to remove myself to a dark room and Just Look Up.
Until you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders don’t judge those of us who do.
Because one day it will be your weight we carry on our shoulders too and you won’t want us faltering and stumbling when we do it.

I get asked a lot by the poor souls who are on the brink of suicide if they will go to a bad place when they die. If hell exists.

It just inspired me to write this piece because I think its important people know this subject matter from an honest perspective and you know I’ll always be nothing but honest.

So….Hell….does it exist? The short answer is No it doesn’t. Yes we have a opposite of the light which is the dark but no one stays in the dark for long. Not really.

You must look at it like this.

The better you are as a Spirit of Light and Love the faster you obtain the light, the opposite is true if your dark, negative person.

But it doesn’t mean your trapped in hell with fire and brimstone and demons at your heels. If your a dark energy and your fighting to get to the light you will take on functions around the living to let those who are with hope for change make their way to the light on their own in life before they have to learn the hard way in death.

The dark side can ONLY come into your life with invitation. If you have something in your life that is dark it is because your allowing it.

So, these dark energies, made up of killers, dictators, the greedy, selfish, deplorable of society die and immediately get assessed by themselves and if bad enough the council who will show them where they went wrong if it isn’t immediately obvious which as a Spirit of all knowing it is usually evident the second the bad soul dies.

The reason why the worst of the worst get a council involved is because these people usually are without Spirit Elders to guide them. Once someone reaches the point of no return for their goodness and light, their Elders leave. People who are without conscience have no Spirit Elder.

But make no mistake about this people, just because your a good person in this life doesn’t mean you’ll go to the light when you die.

I recently died, not 4 months ago. I found myself feeling like I was being sucked down with the full force of gravity into the floor into nothingness. It was a slow release of my Spirit too, as I still remember feeling myself slink down like a paper fan being closed and it was so strong this pull down, it was scary to say the least.

I found myself panicking as I realized I was going down not up.

I was pulling or trying to pull up or reach up as I was going and found myself in this really crap pitch black room that looked like it was about 20 feet below the ground but I could see the hole I fell down just above me.

As I was falling for what felt like hours but would of only been less than a second in reality I was saying ‘But…..I can’t go here, she’s not a bad person’ and Spirit in my voice said ‘She isn’t, but you are’ and I saw what I did.

I think in my past life I killed 4 women before I went to Vietnam. I think I was also shot in the back by my own side. I think I might have been a serial killer who was never caught.

It explains sooooo much of my life. So much. But I digress here.

This room I sat in was hilarious because it looked like someone had used materials and fabrics to simulate rocks and fire, like imagine you had a school panto or play where they had to simulate hell but only had curtains, fabrics, blankets and duvets and boxes to do it.

I felt like I had a blue screen around me and the image was going to be added in later but the fabrics etc….were there for effect for my benefit more than anything.

Then I knew I wasn’t in trouble, I knew I was being taught a lesson because they told me I needed to be more honest.

Not that I lie, I know now what they meant because I was about to enter a few situations in my career where lying could of destroyed my career and reputation.

We have all lied, we have all said porkies in our lives, no one is perfect. My lies growing up were always a protection thing. Making myself appear to be something I wasn’t but last year I went and told my truths to those I lied to in my past to clear up the air or ask for forgiveness which I have written about before.

I now live trying to be as honest as I can even when I know it hurts people.

But I have been faced with three CRUCIAL junctures in my career where lying would of made me a superstar, rich and famous and all I had to do was pretend to be something that I wasn’t for the sake of the public image and three times I turned it down because if I was any less of a person I would of gotten to America a lot quicker with a lot more money than I have now.

I am broke as I spent every cent I own getting to the US to promote myself and my radio show, I’ve been dealing with a blood clot due to the 11 flights I’ve had to take in 2 months, I am supposed to marry the love of my life in December and arrange the marriage next month and have no clue how I can afford to get there and lying in those 3 situations would of made these instances not even happen.

But at what point am I prepared to deal with the consequences of my actions? Now in life or in the after life?

I don’t ever want to feel that feeling or shock again. Not going to the light was horrible because I was thinking as Debbie but consciously I was him. (him being the me I was before I was Debbie). I will never forget how shocked I was at being sent to panto hell hahaha

The point of this post is this.

Hel is whatever your perception of hell is going to be IF your destined to live past the experience.

Those of us who survive the experience all have different versions of what hell is depending on what we choose to learn from the experience.

Me being me it was all about me suddenly realizing I had an opportunity to observe what I was experiencing because I couldn’t wait to get back and tell everyone lol

But I knew that I was being shown HIS almost like school report card. It felt like it was HIM being assessed not me but he learns through guiding me if that makes sense?

Is this what Schizophrenia is? People who live with past lives directing their current lives? Because what happens is the past life one wasn’t a nice person? It could explain a lot about mental illness to be honest but I’m going off on a tangent again. Maybe an article for another time?

There is no hell, only self assessment and self correction. I vowed never to do what as easiest again.

it is better to be hurt by the truth than devastated by a lie.

I could of destroyed my career had I of taken the easy road when presented with them all those weeks ago and I’m so grateful I had that Panto Hell experience because it was the FIRST thing I thought about when I was faced with taking the easy route in my career. Needless to say the hard road is always the better one to take and I’m so glad I have been taught to function as conscious, physical and Spiritual me separate from each other because I wouldn’t be so observant otherwise.

I totally see the path of my training now with this time manipulation thing. I understand all the things I experienced last year, the blue/green visions and such. How they have done it is genius. Because now I get to teach it to my students.

I was actually talking to my seniors at the time I died and they are witness to the experience I had.

I just remember coming to, by suddenly being able to breath again. I just remember the air being filled into my body as I took a deep breathe not unlike when you blow up an inflatable bat from the fair.

Trust my hell to be a cheap crap comedy one lol

But I do know that what belief helps you see what you need to in regards to hell and in fact it’s only those who survive will see it that way for them.

Those who die, go to the light and take up the lessons from there.

Hell though I just not going to the light.

Something we all strive for regardless of where on the ladder you are.

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Before I came to America last month to do this radio show and start the process of trying to get my visa and so on, I sent a message out on Facebook to the people I would be spending a lot of time with to explain to them that as an Empath I will have times in my life where I will need to detach and spend time alone.
That they weren’t to take it personally. In fact I’ll just show you the message.
It is as follows:

I really don’t like socializing unless I have to. I prefer to sit and work on my connection then have down time. I don’t like being told, I like being asked, I don’t like sharing my life unless I want to share. I am a private person unless I want to be public. I am a Scorpio. I like to decide when and where I go. It’s hard for me to express this to people who are comfortable being social. I get accused of being a snob or rude but I’m not. I’m independent and I like to know my surroundings before I charge into them. People think because I’m a hurricane with them I’m a hurricane with everyone but I’m not. AT ALL. I don’t like crowds, I don’t like being in unfamiliar surroundings and I don’t like being babied. I’m not complicated. I’m just Scorpio. I want you to help me be independent and you’ll get loyalty in abundance. But I don’t like people talking about me, sharing my life, deciding my life or assuming things. My life is an open book only once I take the lock off.
Why? Because I deal with death every single day on levels 99% of the population can’t even imagine. My articles on mental health are being published, my clients rely on me to keep their issues confidential. I take what I do very seriously. Not to mention the grief and heartache associated with my work. It’s so much for me to carry these burdens on my shoulders. I take people’s fears and turn them into hope. No-one understands that in order for ME to be free of these burdens I need time to my self. I need time to sort the emotions out in my head and release them so they don’t become my burdens too.
Please don’t be offended if I say no to something or don’t want to do it. Please understand that in one 20hr working period I may have held a man grieving for the loss of his child, helped a man decide not to hang himself, helped a woman change her career path, passed messages on to a grieving husband, taught 6 students Medianship through murder and done some Physics. My job and my gift are as protected to me as my children are. If I ask you not to share, or give me space, or help me understand something it is nothing personal. You just don’t know what goes on in my life that day.
I absorb everything like a sponge. When I’m out with you, you see people having fun, you see people being people. I hear blinding noise, I hear their fears, worries and thoughts, their broken hearts and suicidal thoughts, their debt worries and dishonesties. On top of which I’ll then have the dead telling me how to fix them all which is impossible even though it’s all I want to do. I was born just wanting to love everyone. Because I can’t that is a burden for me. So I avoid it as much as I can and let the universe decide who I am to help.
If your in my life it means I love you. If I let you in it means I trust you. But I trust you only once. It’s not easy being me. I work long hours to help people. If I want to stay home it’s with good reason.
Please try and understand that and it’s about to get worse because when I get to America I’ll be working as much as possible. I need to earn money to provide for my family and pay taxes when I’m there. The things I’ll experience will be bigger than even I’m used to. Being thrust into the limelight the second I’m working. No time with my kids, missing my man, work on my mind, people to employ to drive me, manage my career, travel costs, rent to pay etc…my burdens become mine pretty fast.
But I do it because it’s my dream, my dream job, my dream friends and family surrounding me in many states and continents. I’m a sponge. I need to wash myself out and let myself hang out to dry. Otherwise I will become heavy with the things I absorb. So please if you don’t hear from me, or I’m quiet or anti social it’s nothing you’ve done. I’m just doing what I need to do to release my energy so I don’t end up like the people I’m in America to help.
It’s not easy being the one person 100,000 people plus a year come to for advice and guidance.
But I do it because I can. I do it because I want to. I do it because I am Scorpio, I do it because I am Debbielee. I am the person I am born to be.
Thank you all for reading this if you did. That in itself means a lot to me. My only fear in life is letting people down. I don’t want to be doing that for anyone.
But it does often come at a detriment to myself.

Since I wrote that post I have been around hundreds of people who I have absorbed their thoughts and emotions like a sponge.
I read people every second of every day even when I’m not reading them as my job. An Empath absorbs everything around them like a sponge.
If your not an Empath your never going to understand what it is to be one.
We can’t be around gossip, we can’t be around prejudice, we can’t be around hate or negativity because we absorb it and reflect it back IF we don’t know how to handle it.
Most people don’t know how to handle it so they become depressed or suicidal.
This is why people in the new age philosophies piss me off so much. Because they use this word like it is peanut butter and it like peanut is cloying to my palate and drives me nuts.

Anyone who is an ACTUAL Empath doesn’t tell people they are one because it evokes a whole range of issues so it is easier to just never tell people. An Empath is more than someone who cares, it is more than someone who sympathizes and it is costing people their lives and I’m the one who has to pick those pieces of suicide and depression up.

I have been around thee most horrendous situations since I have been in Wisconsin and there has been absolutely nothing I can do about it because I’m in a confined space most of the time and as I started to feel myself get weighed down by the negativity that has been surrounding me with peoples thoughts, griefs, sadness and inner turmoil’s my beautiful and very patient teacher Pauline Wardel Braddon came to me and said ‘Just look up’.
At first I wasn’t sure what she meant. My student bumblebee did a reading for me and he kept saying in this reading to Just Look Up.
And because I file stuff like that away in my head it comes out just at the right time.

Yesterday I couldn’t stand it any more. I HAD to get into my quiet space and try to decompress everything that is going on in my head.
I’m dealing with my gift, and my empathic side while trying to figure my future out, work with clients in my usual day job I do in the UK and my students, along with my radio show and missing my boys and fiancé all at the same time.

No one will ever understand what it is to be me. And I can’t talk to anyone about what I am because no one understands. It is never as simple as ‘letting go’ or ‘talking about it’.
It builds up like lime scale and over time it can wear heavy on ones soul and the only way to remove it is to do what you need to do to remove the scum that becomes hard on your heart.
That is why I say, have an outlet. Whatever your thing is. do it. It helps, it really does.
But once in a while it isn’t enough. So like yesterday when I couldn’t stand it any more I had an incredible moment with a Spirit in the place I was staying and then my teacher came and reminded me to JUST LOOK UP!!!
She then went on to explain it like this and I share it with you.

Go somewhere quiet and lay on your back. And just look up.
Because looking up will what is there will always be more simplistic than what is around you and inside you.
Looking up will be a plain ceiling, with one maybe two colours of objects to purvey.
Looking up will be a beautiful night sky with dark blues and stars, or a sky of greys and blues with whites if it’s a nice day.
Looking up is calm on ones mind and looking around or within is a kaleidoscope of colours and emotions that can be overwhelming to your mind. So lay down and just look up.

So I did just that. I went to my room where I get changed. I put my blanket on the cold floor and turned the lights off and just looked up. Before long my mind stopped racing. My heart began to beat a little slower and before I knew it I was calm and relaxed again having started to think about simple things like how good it feels to hold my boys in my arms.
How nice it feels to be held by my fiancé. Kittens that look like Hitler or Kitlers as my friend Becca calls them.
I felt the negative leave me. I felt it drain from my soul.
I went to see my friend Colin Slife race the other day. He is an incredible car racing prodigy who will be a Nascar champion by the time he is 19-20 years old. He is an inspiration to me and the perfect role model for my boys and children everywhere.
At 14 he raced against grown men and did so fantastically well I was proud and honoured to be a apart of it. I LOVE cars. I loved watching him drive 100 times around that track.
BUT with hundreds of spectators there it was impossible for me not to absorb peoples thoughts.
There were affairs going on, people wanting to kill themselves and deciding how, people secretly HATING each other with such venom in their hearts and some of it was directed at that poor boy.
I of course had to protect him and ended up blowing the lights out in the stadium because of it.
But I also saw sexual predators eyeing up some of the kids playing and women hating on other women because of the men there were with etc…
At one point I nearly ran out of there. I can NOT under ANY circumstance be around negative minds and hearts because with my gift it can turn dark and dangerous.

I could kill someone with my thoughts, if I transmitted that kind of bad energy out to the people who made me angry I could crash their cars, make them go nuts or worse.
With great power comes great responsibility. I take what I do very seriously. People trust me with their deepest darkest thoughts and fears and I am proud to say I have built my reputation on three things.
My Confidentiality.
My Honesty
My Knowledge.
People know I speak the truth when I counsel them. That my intentions are honourable and my heart is in the right place.
I observe EVERYTHING. The curse of a Scorpio is we watch and observe our surroundings even when we appear dopey and docile.
The students I stay with for a while freak out because before I leave them I ‘read them’ and make observations that ring true to their very core.
I floor them and it makes them go away from me happier and more focused and a little shocked because they assume the whole time I’m just a big floppy haired Muppet who swans around all dazed and confused.
But I pay attention to every detail. Because of this I need time to decompress and a lot of people just don’t get that sometimes it means in order to do that I need to Just Look Up.

My students under s certain level of ability know they will never be allowed to watch me read, or hold sessions with fellow students.
My life, my feelings, my work is 100% confidential. This is the basis and foundation of my very existence.
I make no apologies for this. There are only two people in this world who have built trust with me over the years to decompress to verbally and I was married to one and about to marry the other.
My balance.
My ex on one side and my current on the other. They are my scales. They are the two that have seen me develop my gift over the years and don’t judge me when I have melt downs or cry.
You can explain this to people till your blue in the face but I trust very few people with my inner thoughts and cerebral process for the simple fact that no one will ever understand what it is to be me.
I live by the voices in my head. I don’t judge, gossip, criticize, condemn or try to complain.
Writing is my outlet for expression as is working out and music.
But while I might be the worlds first Paranormal Scientist and while my life appears to be cool and super happy fun time it is hard and exhausting when you absorb everything like a sponge.
An Empath is telepathic as well and 99% of people who are suicidal hear voices thinking they are losing their minds not knowing they are hearing Spirit of the voices of people they have encountered that day or week.
If you don’t have an outlet it builds up like a volcano and will erupt into something dark if you don’t have an outlet.
So I’m sharing this with all of you who feel like your heart wears heavy with the burdens of the world.
Go somewhere quiet, no people around, lay on your back and Just Look Up.
Stay there until your mind is clear. Look at the simple shapes and colours. It really does work.
You’ll come out of it exhausted but then have something to eat and watch how incredible it feels afterwards.
I feel fantastic.
Sometimes even caring people need to be a little selfish. If you don’t take time to rinse out that sponge your soul becomes dirty from mess you absorb around you, you simply end up smearing your own life with the filth you absorbed and you deserve so much better than that.
You were given your good heart for a reason and you can’t let ANYONE under ANY circumstances taint that in you.
It is okay to remove yourself from the negative in your life. If you are around people talking mean about people, if your around prejudice and gossip it is okay to shut yourself off. They will never understand what it is to be you.
You get one shot at this life. Don’t make yourself have to come back because you didn’t award yourself the time to just look up while others look down.

The choices you make today directly affect the consequences of those choices tomorrow. So make better choices for YOU not anyone else.
As I always say ‘Live your life for others, make them happy, live your life for you, make you happy’

If the people in your life truly care about you they will understand and give you time to do you.
If not, they aren’t friends and shouldn’t be in your life in the first place so maybe the universe is trying to tell you they are one of the negative things your soaking like a sponge.
whether it be your job, your school, your friends or family, your society or your street, if your an Empath your going to absorb it all.
The New Age movement should be ashamed of themselves for wrongly identifying themselves in such a manner and I will make sure now I have a Talk show on WRMN1410 that people know the truth.
They aren’t the ones picking up the pieces of what an Empath really is.
I am. And because of that once in a while I need to remove myself to a dark room and Just Look Up.
Until you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders don’t judge those of us who do.
Because one day it will be your weight we carry on our shoulders too and you won’t want us faltering and stumbling when we do it.

If you have Fibromyalgia you will know what an exhausting immune disease this is.
You ache from your jaw, down to your toes. You lack motivation and energy to do anything and the cocktail of drugs your put on seem to make you rattle.

I spent years dealing with an NHS that said I was diabetic, not suffering from mesh rejection, and I knew I had fibromyalgia even though they never tested me. But when I dealt with every infection, every ounce of pain, every night in hospital with IVs in my arm and pinholes in my skin,
I knew I had it right away because a lot of women who were in hospital with me had it.
The hot and cold sweats and restless leg syndrome were the worst. I had spent so much time in and out of hospital over the last 5 years from 2010-2015 they knew me by name the minute I walked into the ward.
It embarrassed me. I’m a very proud person and I don’t like a ton of attention on me unless I want it.

But when I went to Doctors I just got given new pills to try and told to have bariatric surgery.

What do you do when the people paid by your government to help you simply don’t?

On one of my very last trips to hospital in 2014 I contracted a disease, they didn’t know what it was. I was immediately quarantined and put in isolation. The head of the Tropical Diseases came to see me. The hospital staff were only allowed near me if they had contact with me prior to these blisters on my skin coming out.
They said it could possibly be chicken pox which I had already had as a child but I had been in hospital for over a week prior to me getting these blisters on my body and they treated me with anti viral medication and immune boosters.
When I went for scans and x-rays people recoiled in horror at the site of me and I had to cover my face when I left my room.
I had big tape and warning signs across my door and staff had to wear special masks and stuff near me.
People would peek into my room like I was a side show oddity and it broke my heart.
I lay in my room one day with tubes and IVs pumping crap into my body and I burst into tears one day and just couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep.
It was the lowest I had ever been in my life and I never thought my life would change.
I knew I had Fibromyalgia. It is a common side effect of having synthetic meshes and I had three in my abdomen from my hernia repairs from my pregnancies.

After I cried myself to sleep I had a visit from a nurse. She wore pink and white scrubs and was carrying a clip board with my file on it and with her broad American accent she told me to hang in there a little bit longer because next year 2015 would be the start of change and to just hold on. Then she vanished.
I knew if a Spirit was coming to tell me this I was to do what she said and just hang on in there.

Little did I know, she was spot on accurate and so began in 2015 the change that would affect the rest of my life forever.

On the 29th of July 2015 I started my No sugar diet. I was asked by Spirit to listen to everything they said and I figured I had nothing to lose because the NHS were just making me worse. I was also about to have a hysterectomy and I was tired of everything and ready to just wait for death anyway so what did I have to lose right?

I went off all forms of sugar immediately. I went on a STRICT detox diet, where I starved my body in order to kick start my organs into performing again after releasing my body of all the toxins that had been pumped into it over the course of my life time.
From the food I ate and sodas I drank to the medications I had been shoveling into my body. I went off it all.
I was on 1500 calories a day, low fat, no white flour, low carbs, zero sugar. I could have as much dairy as I wanted as long as it was low fat.
I was to do this for 2 months and drink nothing but water. I now have developed a taste for sparkling water because it tricked my brain into thinking it was fizzy pop and actually tastes sweet to me plus it is really refreshing.

I was starving for the first 2 weeks but gradually over the course of my detox I found myself getting more and more energy.
In 2016 I started taking B12, Magnesium, L-Tryptophan, L-dopa, Zinc, Vitamin C (timed release) Glucosamine, Omega 3 and the magic herb and it transformed my entire body.
my hair and nails became gorgeous, my skin was to die for again and I slept better.
I had crippling headaches for the first 2 weeks of going off the sugar but after that I felt fantastic and I knew then I would never put sugar into my system again.

My bowels went back to normal, my periods went back to normal and I lost weight so fast it was 8 months before I realized I’d lost over 100lbs without even trying.
I had sagging muscle and skin by then so I needed to exercise and man was I ready for it.
My boys were getting exhausted from the energy I had. It felt fantastic to finally be getting out and doing stuff again.

I started by doing exercises on my bed.
For 6 months I did leg, arm, bum and tummy exercises then that wasn’t enough so I added walks to the mix.
That wasn’t enough after a while so I bought myself a little exercise bike on Ebay for 40 pounds and started cycling for 15 minutes a day, then 20, then 30, then 40, now I do an hour and it became not enough so I added walks in on the mix.
This wasn’t like I HAD to exercise, it was a NEED to exercise. I found I had SO much energy, sitting still drove me nuts.
I was like a spring pulled back ready to pounce every morning and the only way I could get rid of it was to burn it off. It felt incredible.

So I would cycle for an hour a day then walk at least 6 miles during the week three times a week and weekends at least 10 miles a day.
Then the walks got steeper and harder and before you knew it I had started to develop and ass.
I was born with Lumbar Lordosis the flat back kind so the concept of having a bum was AWESOME to me.

The health benefits of my new diet was changing my life and within 3 months of me doing this diet (I detoxed for 2 months then went on full fat dairy, high nut diet with meat slowly added of the highest quality, and never went back to white flour again) not only had my Fibro completely gone but my reason for needing a hysterectomy vanished as well as my arthritic spine I had since birth, while I still get a sore back once in a while I’m not crippled by it.
My eye sight has gotten so good they have had to weaken my glasses twice and I think they need to do it again to be honest.
My memory is on fire. I was told I could have 10 more kids if I wanted so I look forward at 44 to having a baby with my future husband one day soon also.

My gift has grown exponentially as has my libido lol Being a Scorpio it is great to feel that again. I think about it 24 hours a day lol I think the Universe rewarded me with a 26 year old future husband for that reason lol

I no longer get depressed, I’m happy ALL the time, I crave fruit and veggies and can’t stand the taste of sugar. It’s like a hit of heroine or something. It gives me migraines and makes me lethargic and ill.
The white flour I found was irritating my bowel and gut and since going off it I’m not full of gas or having the trots every day.

I haven’t had the flu once and haven’t been sick with anything for more than 24 hours because that is how long I give my body to get over it before I get my ass back up off the bed to exercise again and I feel bloody awesome.
I’m 44 and I feel 22. My fiancé thinks my body is hot lol
I got told today by a personal trainer friend of mine I have absolutely got a nice muscle definition going on and I should be really proud of myself.

Which I am. This is why I need to say this next bit in all honesty and because I have lived this experience I believe I have the right to say this next bit.
Fibromyalgia, in my opinion is a form of physical hypochondria which people over the age of about 30 get because their lives and relationships suck.
They look for excuses to be ill in order to get the attention from family and when I have handed this cure to people no one has ever tried it even for a day.
They say if you can’t kick sugar your addicted.
Sugar IS an addiction and it is a poison, as is white flour. It is designed to make you lethargic.

We are pouring this stuff into our system like junkies.
Coke and Pepsi can strip rust of metal and remove caked in urine off toile bowls when left for soak for a couple of hours yet we drink it by the gallons.
It is added to pasta sauce, cereal, baked beans and tomato sauce like it is meant to be there and it just isn’t.

Everyone I know how has Fibro is over weight, has terrible skin, in bad relationships and blaming their Fibro for their unhealthy lifestyle.
I know because I did it too.
Well I refused to go down like that. I had children, young children who deserve to have a Mother to have adventures with and not sit around on my fat ass consuming copious amounts of crap because I hadn’t eaten real food that day.
We use it as an excuse to feel sorry for ourselves but the truth of the matter is, unlike measles, mumps and chicken pox Fibro is a brand new disease the pharmaceutical companies want us thinking is real so they can pump us with the medications we believe will help mask the symptoms while never actually trying to find the cure for.

I’ve never been on anti depressants in my life and in my opinion Fibromyalgia is a physical manifestation of depression and hypochondria.
Mostly by women over a certain age who lack attention and affection in their love lives and with their friends and family.
All the people I have met who have it fit this profile.
I’m disgusted at myself for thinking it was ever okay to eat 4 cheesecake muffins or an entire pizza, and 6 donuts for a snack because I hadn’t eaten that day and needed energy.
I’m disgusted at myself for allowing myself to drink 4-6 cans of Pepsi a day because it was on special and gave me a boost when I needed it. My teeth were rotting and I was always at the dentist.
I have no one to blame but myself for what happened to my body physically.
I am proud to say I haven’t been to hospital once in over 2 years now, and went off all forms of medication within 6 months of me going off the sugar.
Nothing unnatural or inorganic goes in my body now and if it does I can feel the effects within a couple of hours.
White flour kills my guts and sugar is torture.
I allow myself an ice cream or milkshake once in a while and if it’s something other than vanilla it can give me guts ache and headache the next day so I exercise it out of my system.
I buy protein powder now and am so happy and overjoyed that I get to make my shakes while it replaces the amino acids in my muscles due to burning so many calories from exercise.
And I never thought I’d hear myself say this but even alcohol doesn’t give me joy anymore.
If I drink it’s a nice craft ale or spirits straight on the rocks but I find my green is more than enough to keep me pain free and entertaining.
I know people might get offended by this but the earths greenery has over 1000 medicinal qualities and while I don’t have it every day now because I don’t need it, when I do it has me back on top in no time.
It has replaced all my Oxicontin, Oxicodone, Amytryptalene, Oxinorm, Anti nausea etc…all of which I took EVERY DAY!!! 22 tablets in fact and sometimes I would take more than I was meant to and make excuses to get more from the Dr because the drugs dulled my emotional pain of being a fat lazy unhappy slob.
Luckily for me I don’t have an addictive personality so I was able to stop these drugs and smoking over night and never felt the need to go back.
But I know people who have really struggled to come off the drugs, the anti depressants especially.

I LOVE trying new foods now and never thought I’d be the collard green, spinach, olive eating sort but I am.
I have tried so many new foods and I intend to try more. Some I like, some I don’t. I tried crab, lobster, pork, turkey, jalapeno peppers (my fiancé got me to try some on our first date and I love them now) Bloody Mary (um…no thanks) curries which I not only love but I can go quite spicy now, goats cheese, mushrooms (still yuck) Mahi Mahi and blue gill fish both of which I LOVE.
Because without sugar coating your tongue with the slime it does, food tastes so much nicer.
I bit into a peach a few weeks ago and it took me back to when I was a kid growing up in New Zealand.
I go to the store and buy almonds and other nuts like most people buy lollies (sweets, candy) and take away food is out of necessity rather than want because we are too tired to cook once a month from being out and about because we make ur own now.
My ex husband makes the worlds BEST burgers and Dadbabs, Chicken wraps and Curries.
We make our own pizza and chilli too and it is the nicest food I’ve ever eaten because we know what is going in it.
The greens we consume now cost more than anything else we buy, we only cook in coconut oil and it makes chicken taste gorgeous.
I am happier now than at any point in my life and it is all because the dead gave me strict instructions and I followed them.

This is my own personal opinion and if you have Fibro and are in outrage at what I have said all I ask you is this.
Go off sugar for one month. Just 4 weeks.
And then come back and tell me it hasn’t changed your life forever.
Because the guy who also cured his Fibromyalgia did the exact same thing as I did and he too has never looked back.

Before you judge, give it a go. It will change everything about your body and you will not regret it.
If you want to live, REALLY live, then stop taking the stuff that is killing you.
Isn’t it worth trying? It’s better to live trying than dying not trying right?