Author
Topic: My Turn to Start 10 July 2017 (Read 33695 times)

Here's a worthwhile reflection. When were my HAPPIEST moments ?1. When i deleted my collection on 9/7/20172. When i deleted a portable drive and dumped my DVDs I forgot about3. When I watched some P,, got aroused, M abit, did not O, stopped. and didnt follow through. The next day i realized i had it in me to make hard stops.4. downloaded a P. A few days later deleted it without watching.

Conclusion:

a. The process is slow, but it is happening.b. personal grounding is happening. I can feel it. Not so floaty and idealistic now.c. The long term sense of happiness from achieving the above is very telling. It tells me I DONT WANT PMO !!!

Boredom is a symptom of irresponsibility.You are not engagedIt is not other people's fault or responsibility that you are not engagedEither you found a wrong fit or you are not creating interest to improve, know more, do better.Consider PMO.Any boredom? NoRunning? NoWith friends? No

My low self esteem is blocking my success.Becasue i think i am not good enough, I believe i am not good enoughAnd i become not good enoughProcrastination and lowered efforts followThere is little faith in possibility of success.It is a confirmed cycle.

Low self esteem leads to lowered effort because of expectation of failure. Eyes are on failure not successEnergy is lowMood is lowBody mind and soul geared for failureWill weakensDependence and neediness sets inDiscipline and resolve crumblesThere is no fight.

1. Habit drives behavior.Be very clear what when why how you do things. > develop the habit of being watchful of your time and activities.Where do they lead you to ?What is the outcome ?What do you desire to achieve ?

2. Esteem determines your outcomeLow self esteem has many detrimental outcomes > avasiveness, defensiveness, negativity, avoidance etc> results in procrastination because we think we are not ready/good enough. No one is ready/good enough. Do it now. There is little time left. This is the moment.> The most silly thing is that esteem is not real. it is just a perception, an opinion.So change your opinion !

3. pride is what you give yourself> if you have low pride, you pick us left over scraps> if you have high pride, people will raise themselves to meet you where you stand.Have pride. You deserve better.Dont take it if it is not good enough for you.

4. slow down and reflect where you are and where you are going collect your memories of your strength and successesthey define you more than what you dont have

5. be clear what you dont wantknowing and being clear with what we dont want helps us to steer clear of its negatives outcomes. Goals, effort and achievement are more important than cravings and desires.Only they give you longer term happiness and satisfaction.

There's a reason why we're drawn to pmo. It feels so good (huge price to pay afterwards though)

Which begs the question... Why (does the rest of life feel not so good) ?

Solve that and we should be home free.

Biggest question i have now is self love.That esteem question has a deep root: i dont like myself. If i dont like myself or what i do, I'll always be seeking outside help or change. Thats never sustainable. Its dependence, neediness, weak, procrastinating. And I'll continue this dislike.

Perhaps self love must come from discipline.Pmo is one of indulgence. But there is no sense of achievement. And it upsets the mind and spirit.

Pmo is one of want. I want this and i want that. But i didnt deal with equal focus and intensity what i dont want.And i didn't deal with equal focus and intensity what else i want.I want friendshipI want self sustainabilityI want self growthI want intrinsic happinessI want to freedom to be myself

Yeah its good to strive for and achieve something worthwhile and success can give us satisfaction and a sense of achievement.

Also worthwhile I think is to really allow ourselves to enjoy something healthy -a nice meal, a hot bath, a good book or whatever. This can be used as a reward for taking a step towards a goal ("deferred gratification") -or, just for its own sake as an expression of self love and care. By being kind to ourselves we are affirming that we are worthwhile and deserving human beings.

PMO has trained us to focus satisfaction on one activity that neither benefits nor satisfy.Moreover, PMO doesn't reward effort and endurance, leaving us weak, dependent, avoiding and not trying. We've become very poor caretakers of ourselves.

Good house carers:- prune the weeds daily- make effort to keep the place clean- spend time and money to paint and repair- spend time and money to upkeep and buy proper things- work hard and is proud of their achievements- study and make themselves better- invite others to their home, and is proud about it.

Like good house carers, we can do the same and be good self carers:- work hard daily and collect our successes- learn to feel good about ourselves intrinsically, and not depend on external endorsement- have pride and self respect and dignity- take the time to care properly. Early rest, a good meal, good company.- look, think and be positive. Stop all negativity

realizing Negativityunderstanding self love, care, worth, respectdiscovering the true joys of being truly engaged for the sake of successunderstanding pride, self respect and independence. PMO is an act of self pity and dependency.

Low self esteem, self pity, low pride, low self respect and feeling sorry for oneself are the worst!!! They waste time and energy! They make us ineffective and inefficient!Needy and dependent when we should be strong and independent!

Have pride! Have interest in ourselves!Get our act together! Get things done! You know what's the best song ever?The greatest love of all!Go read the lyrics!

Using porn is living by proxy. Even the proxy is a fake proxy that has toxic nature. So, habitual porn use is really a case of life hijacked. We need to assert our life, our real life, and experience it's good, bad, and everything in between. That's how we will really find out what we like and want.