I spent 10 years conducting market research prior to obtaining an MBA in sustainable business from Presidio Graduate School. I'm the founder of Amp - a Yelp for sustainability resources, as well as a poet and a songwriter. My writing style tends to mix observation, analysis, humor and insight, aiming to both entertain and leave readers with something to chew on.

The author is a Forbes contributor. The opinions expressed are those of the writer.

Social Media Advice For Entrepreneurs

I get it. Entrepreneurs are hustlers and they kind of have to be, particularly when just getting started. We figure out what we don’t know, try to track down the people who do know, ask questions, filter out the noise, make decisions, and then come across another thing we don’t know, and the cycle repeats. I know the cycle well, and understand how challenging it can be to find people with answers to our never-ending fire hose of burning questions. In addition to having a great idea and a strong team, access to influential people is hugely important, and stalking is both encouraged and occasionally rewarded – the most addictive kind of reinforcement there is. I’ll admit to having frequently crossed over that line of friendly persistence into the land of annoying, and benefited as a result. Point being, I completely understand when someone I don’t know reaches out to me, and am a big believer in passing along the kindness that’s been so generously given to me.

But here’s the thing. Lately I feel like more and more people are becoming confused about where it’s appropriate to connect with people online, particularly given the increasing number of options provided by social media. So I thought I’d provide some guidance in an attempt to be helpful – to both the stalkers and stalkees. For those being stalked, now you can just share this article and avoid coming across as rude (you’re welcome). And for those doing the stalking, these four scenarios are pretty straightforward, so hopefully they’ll be easy to remember.

Please note, I use first-person perspective for readability only and am not necessarily pulling from personal experience nor do I intend to imply self-importance. I avoid mentioning all social networks and instead focus on Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, and Facebook in addition to email, and the recommendations following each scenario are intended to be additive. I too have contradicted these guidelines in the past, and tend to approach all behavior change with a “progress not perfection” attitude. With all of that out of the way, here are four scenarios to assist you in (appropriately) connecting online.

1. The Causally Curious. We don’t know each other. You came across something online, did some creative Googling, and found me on social media. We have zero friends in common on Facebook, and only a few seemingly random connections in common on LinkedIn.

Recommendation: Follow on Twitter and/or Instagram. Some people enable the “following” functionality on Facebook, so that’s an option to explore as well, though don’t be offended if you send a friend request and it defaults to “following” because the person doesn’t accept. Establishing a one-way means of connection is most appropriate in this scenario.

2. The Sprightly Seeker. Same situation as above, but you have a specific question, favor or request to ask.

Recommendation: Track down email address and make reason for contact clear within the subject heading. Follow-up on the email up to three times, and if you don’t hear back let it go without harboring resentment – people are busy and you never know who’s going to be up for helping. If you can’t find this person’s email address, send them a message via Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook and request an email address. If they don’t write back, move on.

3. The Clear M.B. I stole that “M.B.” term from Miki Agrawal’s book Do Cool Sh*t, and it stands for mutually beneficial relationships. In this scenario we don’t know each other personally, and we’ve never interacted before. But some light stalking reveals that we have several friends in common on Facebook and LinkedIn, and clearly share professional interests. For example, perhaps all of the people we have in common are focused on building social enterprises, or work that relates to creating a positive social impact.

Recommendation: Connect on LinkedIn, and send an email if you have a specific question, favor or request to ask. Hold off on Facebook until your relationship has progressed.

4. The Maybe Friend. We’ve emailed several times and have spoken by phone at least once, with the conversation jiving well enough that you hung up feeling like we might be entering the friend zone. Or maybe we met in-person at an event or conference, and spoke about wanting to keep in touch moving forward in a way that felt friendly.

Recommendation: Send a Facebook friend request. This network allows you to feel closer to people than you actually are, and assess who you might be interested in connecting with more deeply offline. For those that spark your interest, schedule a time to grab a coffee and see how that goes – nothing can beat an in-person interaction.

In summary, Facebook is for people you’re friendly with, LinkedIn is for people with whom you share a clear mutual benefit professionally, email is for people with good stalking skills and a specific “ask” (but don’t expect a response), and Twitter and Instagram are for anyone who wants to follow along. Over time, you can move up this chain and become increasingly connected to the degree that is appropriate given the evolving situation. Agreed? I welcome comments, but please don’t send me a Facebook friend request.

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