When do you feel intimidated by another woman?

So basically I’m not really good at making girly friends as someone told me I’m ‘intimidating’. I’m a very open person and I smile. With guys it’s no problem to make friends. Anyway, it’s not a nice feeling. I’m very often being excluded by girls. I don’t know what it is, so Im curious to hear some stories when you felt intimidated by another woman

I don't know if it's the case but I often feel like the opposite. Externally I really do seem like I have my shit together and a lot of women I have liked seemed to assume I was... I dunno, judging them or something. I wanna be like, you know, my life is good, but if you knew what was going on inside my head...

But also some people seem genuinely blind to everyone else's disgusting messes. I have a mom friend who is constantly apologizing for the state of her house and will literally start cleaning like a madwoman every time I step over her threshold. I'm like, sorry, do you actually think my house looks ANY BETTER than this? It does not. I have no idea what she sees.

This is interesting to me - the 'perception' of having your shit together. I am a walking, talking utter disaster area, a real mess. I also suffer from crippling social anxiety, am pretty much terrified of people in general, so I tend to either be really quiet or blab uncontrollably about myself. And yet I've been told numerous times that I'm intimidating....and I never, ever understand it! I am literally one of the least confident people on the planet. All I can guess is that I am really good at faking it? 🤷‍♀️ The grass is always greener, right?

I'm the same way. I appear poised and able, but honestly I always feel on the verge of collapse from anxiety. I think it's because I very much keep to myself and seem like I don't need anyone when I desperately want to be liked and feel worthy of friendships. I'm incredibly thankful to my fiance for keeping me sane because he loves me despite my neurosis.

I feel this. I'm a rather... non-traditional kind of person in a more conservative community-- making female friends is pretty difficult because I'm not married, owning a home, and with children (I’m in my early 30s, seems like everyone is doing the settling down thing here), and also having great careers. Although I don’t want that right now (if ever), sometimes I feel like I don’t have my shit together because I don’t have it. Puts doubts in my mind sometimes.

I get it though, when I'm around these people and they start asking questions, it's like I can just feel the judgements.

Like, every time I meet a new, really cool, smart woman. I want to be friends, but often assume that I'm too dorky and weird for them. Lucky for me, they don't agree that I'm too dorky and weird, and we've become friends.

And in my case, "weird" means I make too much eye contact for most people's comfort, I like things like D&D, I usually have foster puppies (so the house is always a mess and I don't care because puppies are awesome), I read a book every couple of days, and my politics are about as blue as you can get...now you'd think, except for the eye thing and maybe the dog thing, that it's not all that weird until you understand that I'm in my 60s.

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Maybe it's just that so many of us feel like we don't mesh with our peers very well.

It sucks to say I’m totally intimidated by really good looking women. I have a masters in applied stats and I’ve listened to really gorgeous women spout absolute nonsense about politics (A signifigant chunk of what i do is behind the scenes political work) and I could easily (and politely) explain why and how they are wrong and I won’t do it. I’m just too afraid that I’ll be seen as the dorky, homely girl trying to take down the beauty queen.

It sucks to say I’m totally intimidated by really good looking women. I have a masters in applied stats and I’ve listened to really gorgeous women spout absolute nonsense about politics and I could easily (and politely) explain why and how they are wrong and I won’t do it. I’m just too afraid that I’ll be seen as the dorky, homely girl trying to take down the beauty queen.

sometimes for sure...but part of it is not my job and part of it is knowing when to pick your spots. I'm mostly a behind the scenes statistician so it doesn't really benefit me or my company to make a politician or his staff look bad by making myself look good.

I'm so glad you brought this up! Attractiveness is such a hard thing for women to discuss openly and honestly.

As someone with pretty severe ugly duckling syndrome, it took me a long time to recognize the new power I held when I started being viewed as conventionally attractive (whatever the fuck that means). I was so used to leveraging my intelligence and wit in social situations as a teenager/young adult in order to be heard that I didn't immediately understand how much I was silencing the other women around me later in life.

But at the same time I will say that women who are perceived by society as good looking can face a harsher level of judgment from their peers. One of the things thats really tripped me up later in life is that I'm no longer perceived as shy, I'm standoffish and stuck up. That's been a tough one to adjust to.

For the OP, a statistics type, it's usually a very clear definition. Yes, culture and family and 'the times' affect what is considered attractive, but it can also be measured, too, which is interesting to me - things like thinness, posture, confidence, medical attention, clothing that fits can help anyone be more attractive, and yet... some is very innate

I don’t think people see them as the beauty queen, nor you as a dork. Most people just see people their personalities with a skin around it to identify the personality. Just say what they said wrong, like you would with any other person

You'd be surprised how much traction really good looking women get in political circles, it doesn't matter what party, what affiliation or background.

This has happened many times but the person I'm specifically thinking about was a law student interning for one of our state's members of congress. She was staggeringly gorgeous but what she was saying about economic policy was so staggeringly and obviously wrong but every guy in that room, including the congressman were hanging on her every word. It sucks but it's a reality.

Agreed. Attractive people are considered more capable, trustworthy, and intelligent than others by virtue of their appearance alone. There are a bunch of studies on it. Another disappointing reality to throw on to the pile of em.

Hey, I work in a political-adjacent field. You're not wrong, I think. I can't say I know any good-looking people who are totally dumb, but a lot of the field's judgments of people are absolutely shallow.

Hell, check out Wall Street. "Investor Relations" is basically arms of investment banks hiring almost all women - many very qualified who should be bankers, but also many who are unqualified and at times very pretty - basically shmoozing with clients of the bank for investments. It basically capitalized on the shallow judgments you discuss where having an attractive woman around gives you that small advantage.

what she was saying about economic policy was so staggeringly and obviously wrong

But this is extremely common in politics no matter what a person looks like (plus the vast majority of these people have been men).

Ronald Regan convinced the entire country that "voodoo economics" was anything other than a sham.
The same goes for Margaret Thatcher, Newt Gingrich, and Dick Cheney. None of them were known for being good-looking.

I’m very intimidated by beautiful people in general. It’s definitely a self conscious thing, especially if these women have long flowing hair or an overdeveloped chest. It makes me feel uneasy about my limp shoulder length hair and small breasts.

I'm generally very secure in myself, but I do get intimidated by women who personify "my identity," specifically, the best qualities in myself or the ones that make me unique. I think it's more of a existential/ego thing than it is a jealousy thing, though.

I may be a little intimidated, but I will also really admire them for these qualities. Looking at them as a rival, in a fun way that will push me further and keep me on my toes.

I have friends who do what I do, and I will release something, they'll see it, and then the next person will release something, we'll see it, and so forth. It's like oooh, look what they can do. Now look what I can do. Etc. I love it. Lmao.

this is exactly it for me. oddly enough, it’s often something dumb— i can be so intimidated by another woman with curly hair or blue eyes because, as far as my appearance goes, those are my “defining characteristics.” same with certain skills or personality traits, like you said.

I am intimidated by women that have really good relationships with their families.
Like, there parents love them, they have a good support system, and their partner loves and cherishes them.
I have never had any of that, and being around women like that makes me feel insecure and wonder why I am not good enough to have deserved that.

Crazy, I know, but that is the only kind of woman that intimidates me.

Beauty and success tend to intimidate me. I get super self conscious of my looks and how behind in life I am. I know it's my issue and my low self esteem but it doesn't help. I try to be friendly to everyone though

Sometimes it helps to be self deprecating, or admit your flaws in public so people have to be confronted with them. They may brush you off like “whatever your life is perfect” but then go into detail about how what you’re complaining about really does suck, they’ll see you as less perfect.

Also, do you ask women about themselves? I know that I talk too much and sometimes when trying to relate will turn the conversation into something about myself. Being a good and engaging listener is now something I actively try to do.

Oh yeah I totally understand. The success thing makes me self conscious regardless of gender, and I try not to let it impact relationships with others too much because I know it's my issue not theirs. I'm sure there's plenty of people who think I have my life together too.

I feel intimated in two different scenarios. The first is when I meet a woman who I really admire. I just think she is too cool and I'm way too nervous to talk to her. But that's on me, not her. I would never want her to change because of my insecurities. The second is when I meet someone who I perceive to be as rude, standoffish, or confrontational. I might make an effort with someone like this but if it doesn't work, I won't try to force a friendship.

I agree with the second part. I tried to take a minute and sit back before i read the replies to identify it myself because for me its not exactly an intimidation -- but i will definitely avoid it or will keep conversation to a minimum because of how much i do not care to get into it with someone that i can already see enjoys being rude, standoffish, or confrontational.

I will continue to deal with them as needed but anything beyond that...hard pass.

on the flip side, i can handle someone who could be described as harsh or assertive or maybe doesnt have a reasonable filter. So long as their intent is not chaos-driven, im fine.

I've had people say similar things to me. If you're worried about people being intimidated try initiating a conversation with them first or just say hello to a person you see everyday at work or in class. Do it everyday and build on it ask them how their day is going, ask them a question about an assignment/task. Eventually they will start doing the same.

I get super intimidated by women who are prettier or girlier than me and my boyfriend has long conversations with them while we’re in a group. If I know the girl than it’s fine, talk all day and night, but if I’ve never even had a conversation with her and he regularly talks to her in the group I get kind of upset.

I’m intimidated by women who don’t talk but they’re physically there like in the conversation circle (if that makes sense). I’m not the most talkative person either but sometimes I can’t tell if a person doesn’t want to talk to me in particular or if they don’t talk much at all.

I see, I’m sometimes the person who isn’t very talkative in big groups. It’s usually because I prefer to listen or am tired, but then I do try to blend in to say something and somehow the vibe changes. Do you feel that too when that person tries to talk?

It depends on the person and how everyone feels about them. But usually if a person tries to jump in the conversation and it’s not the smoothest jump then yeah it pretty much shuts the conversation down and suddenly we all have a reason to leave.

When I feel intimidated by another woman, it’s often because I’m having an off-day in one particular area of my life (i.e. physical appearance, work life, relationships) and really has nothing to do with the other woman personally.

But if she is kind to me/open/anything like that I am better able think like, “Hey, she’s just a person, like I am just a person” and I can get beyond my own fear/intimidating. ❤️

6 foot tall here, I feel you very much. I’m the tallest of my female male mixed friend group :’). We tall people rock tho, stand up straight and luvvvv your beautiful long limbs
That’s what I keep telling myself but sometimes I imagine myself in shorter people and then I can kinda imagine how it can be intimidating

I too am tall and have been told it's intimidating, which kinda sucks because I'm actually very socially awkward. People seem to look at me and assume I'm going to be a jerk or judgmental and that's about as far from me as possible. I try to look on the bright side, though, which is that my height and build means I've never had any guy attempt to grope me or do anything physically that I didn't want. I can go out at night and feel reasonably safe. It's kind of a shitty silver lining, but it's there!

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I too am tall and have been told it's intimidating, which kinda sucks because I'm actually very socially awkward. People seem to look at me and assume I'm going to be a bitch or judgmental and that's about as far from me as possible. I try to look on the bright side, though, which is that my height and build means I've never had any guy attempt to grope me or do anything physically that I didn't want. I can go out at night and feel reasonably safe. It's kind of a shitty silver lining, but it's there!

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I didn't realize it before because one of my best friends is also super tall, but actually I think I'm intimidated by tall women. Especially if they're younger. I feel so metaphorically small when I'm so much smaller than a 14 year old. Also, I know short is "cute" but it makes it difficult to feel womanly and feminine in a non cutesy way. I feel very childlike and blobby standing next to a tall, leggy woman.

But I know I can get over it, and so can everyone. Like I said, one of my best friends is 6' tall, leggy and gorgeous and I don't feel at all weird around her.

Me too.
I hate this, it feels so unfair, because on the inside I feel like this awkward, gangly, disproportioned creature, I don’t know what to do with my limbs when I’m in a group of shorter people, and I really feel like I don’t belong.

I try to dress somewhat fashionably, take care of myself in general, throw on some eyeliner every once in a while to make believe I fit in somewhere, but I’m thinking I also need to just wear a sign that says “Despite What You Think I’m Really Insecure”

Omg so true! Even though I don’t feel like it I must be someone who has mastered the “fake it til you make it” concept (still faking it!). People apparently find me intimidating because I’m put together, seem confident, and smart (based on what I’m told) but I feel the opposite 90% of the time. I feel awkward (not because of my height necessarily) and like I don’t have much to contribute in general. It’s crazy how different people’s perceptions are from how we feel. It helps to remember that when you’re feeling insecure, I’ve only recently realised this whole thing and it definitely helps.

I'm always intimidated by women who buck societal standards for what women should be in a professional setting. They're not afraid to be strong and confident in their tone, aren't afraid to speak their mind about something, don't apologize or have contingencies to everything they say ("Maybe I'm wrong, but..." "My interpretation is" that kind of stuff). I'm intimidated by them because I want to be them.

I think I get somewhat intimidated by very beautiful women who I can't "read" relatively quickly. Like, when I can't figure people out and find out what "wavelength" they are on. Do I like them? Do they like me? What should we talk about? There was a woman about my age working in my kid's daycare, and she was so beautiful that I was a little afraid to look at her because I felt like I might be staring. So I probably came off a little standoffish... Also, I felt like wearing a lot more makeup all of a sudden. And I had no idea what to say to her, and when we talked it didn't feel relaxed (at least in my mind). I just couldn't figure her out.

Maybe this is a no-brainer, but I feel super intimidated when I'm at the net playing tennis. I'm super short and people at the net are usually tall, so I'm always scared the ball will get slammed down into my face.

When they're more attractive, more successful, or more witty than me I am threatened and worry that bringing them in to my life will give something for my boyfriend to compare me to and even if he doesn't leave me for them he might view me in a worse light.

I will say though that I struggle with this. I’m naturally quiet so it’s harder for me to make friends. Once people get to know me, they’ve admitted that they used to think I was a bitch. I think you just have to push yourself to be a little bit more talkative and outgoing.

I feel intimidated by anyone who "does it all," or just generally seems to have more energy than I do. Like, I look at them and think "gee, it sure must be nice to live that way. I get exhausted and burnt out when i do just half of that."

I don't dislike them (usually the opposite), but being around them tends to make me ruminate on my own struggles and shortcomings. And i generally won't be able to develop a close friendship with that type of person, because we live fundamentally different lives and have a hard time understanding each other's perspectives.

When I meet a woman who grills me about things she really cares about/values without taking into account I don't value/care about those things. Then subtly or not so making jabs about pitying me or pushing her values on me.

Specifical example: Went to a dinner party. Woman who I never met grilled me about my relationship, how long we been together, do we live together, how did we meet, how often do we spend time with our respective families together, why aren't we married? It wasn't so much that she asked, it was her tone/body language and reaction to my answers that made me feel on the spot and interrogated. Then she launched into comments about how I should act to get him to pop the question, insinuating that he was a jerk or I was not doing my duty to get him to ask. Then she went into graphic and gaudy details about her relationship, marriage, life, kids, wedding. Like I should be looking up to her. She acted like a mentor would. Without me asking or even giving signs I cared.

What am I to do with that? She clearly thinks I'm a failing woman, some sucker who's with a jerk or a dud. She clearly thought all women measure their self worth based on those criteria. It was judgemental and belittling. Pushy.

That's intimidating. And not in a positive way.
I've had similar situations with regard to fashion, hair/makeup, lifestyle choices like diet or exercise, as if I was feeling insecure or misguided and some self imposed expert is going to help me find my way. No thanks, I'm good. Bye. Not nice meeting you. Pretentious is also a good word for it. It often comes from what turn out to be insecure women faking it until they make it. It's not good. Aire of Superiority.

Super beautiful women tend to make me nervous because I have a hard time not making it obvious in taken by them. I get kind of twiterpated and then act weird. Then I know I'm being weird and it gets awkward. Then I shut down and sweat in the corner.

Same here, I have a lot of acquaintance friends that are women, but I've really only ever clicked with a handful of women on a deep level in my life, and most of those relationships grew apart. The friendships I've kept longest in life are with my husband (obviously) and with my group of guy friends. Recently it's gotten better though, because my guy friends all married awesome women with similar senses of humor to me, who are really sweet and fun, so now we have a pretty great group of friends, male and female, and all our personalities click really well.

Well I used to be a professional runway model in Paris. But that’s just a background and I quit the business because it wasn’t for me. Next to that I study computer science, play violin and I love performing theater. But I never (except now so it’s kinda of ironic) brag about it. Is it something they just feel?

Your reply is slightly ridiculous.
Other women are intimidated by you because they just FEEL that you're a violinist that studied computer science? There are plenty of accomplished women out there. I don't get it. It has nothing to do with your accomplishments, people who just meet you don't know those things. People are usually put off with how you carry yourself or personality traits. If you're incredibly quiet sometimes people read that as you not being open to interaction. But I don't know how anything that you listed would make someone intimidated by you when just meeting them.

Very fair point, it’s just something I feel like I can’t talk about without intimidating some people. It’s not everyone, just a small group whom feel threatened. I was just reading some other comments who say they get intimidated by confident people, which was the main point I was going for

I’m a quiet person unless I know you well, and people have told me I’m intimidating. I never understood why but my husband told me I have a tendency to look...severe or angry or something...when I am lost in my head just thinking or whatever. Classic RBF.

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If they have an aggressive voice. This may just be me, but I hate being yelled at. So when I meet a woman who sounds aggressive, I'm hesitant to make conversation. I fear I will say something they don't like and they'll yell at me and I'll feel very small. Or I fear they'll dominate the conversation and I will be trapped.

I tend to be intimidated by women who are like me. When I was in high school, I had a friend accuse me of copying her, and was ostracized by my other friends because of it. So it's now hard for me to become friends with someone who has similar tastes - movies, books, clothing style - and I tend to avoid them. Which sounds like the absolute opposite of what it should be. Those are things to bond over, right? There's just some block there.

I feel you, because it feels like you found your double ganger, but feel intimidated they might do better? I try to see it more as a motivation if that helps. And talking about it might help too. Sometimes you could both be intimidated by each other

Weird grammar note, but it’s usually “doppelgänger.” I thought it was interesting that you’d translated the “doppel”/double and then I read that you’re from the Netherlands, but we just leave it in German in English!

Sorry to be off topic, but I like languages so this was kind of a funny saying to me :)

Never, so far I’ve never felt intimidated by a woman (or a man for that matter). However I develop “crushes” on women who are talented, skilled in something, successful in their own way (not necessarily successful according to society standards) and are confident in themselves while still being humble and kind.

You are not intimidating. Someone is intimidated by you, but you are not intimidating, and this is likely more due to them than you.

In my experience, the only reason I've ever found another woman intimidating was because I personally felt insecure by them. It was no fault of theirs, just me feeling like I wasn't pretty or smart or accomplished enough to associate with them.

I don’t get intimidated by other females. I feel like we should all get along. Maybe they see something they are insecure about and your confidence stands out to them. I’m not sure. I’m intimidating to others and I’m 5’4”. Possibly find common ground and that could help figure out why they feel that way.

For me it's social butterfly type stuffthat's intimidating. I get like off another girl has a hundred friends she's not going to want to talk to my dorky awkward ass self. That said, I tend to have a similar intimidating effect due to height and resting bitch face. You may have a similar problem.

When a woman is really good at playing innocent and damsel in destress to get all the men around her to trip over themselves to try and help her or constantly comfort her. Idk why that reeeaally gets to me and makes me feel intimidated. Oddly enough, gorgeous women who get men to trip all over themselves because of their looks don’t intimidate me for some reason? I’m weird.

Girls can be judgemental and trigger happy, seriously, I was at a gig, I think it was The Killers in Wembley, my bf was with me who is 6ft4, while I am 5ft. I go in front and weave through the crowd, everyone moves for me 'cus I am so small, but they don't see I am holding hands with my bf who is close behind me. I was looking for an opening to get further down and spotted a bunch of girls wearing these pink shirts, looked like some kind of hen party thing or something, one of them was giving me the dirtiest look ever. Like a proper snarl, even though I was like 20ft away from them, not even close.

Decided not to go that way, because they started talking and then all of them turned to look at me. Feel sorry for anyone who had to be next to them, definitely looked like they were spoiling for a fight.

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I’m easily intimidated by other women. Very pretty and girly women intimidate me the most. I plan to get therapy for it one day but it just dosent seem like a pressing enough issue to see a therapist right now. I don’t have any female friends I hang out with because of this.

Have you actually sensed the tension of someone being intimidated by you? To me it almost feels as if they're scared - same reaction woman or man -and then because I'm empathetic and a people pleaser, I will go out of my way to be overly kind and smiley to show that I don't bite - so I'm not really being myself!?. It could be your height as well - are you really tall? A super tall women maybe 6ft, came into the woman's restroom, I was washing my hands beside her and felt like a mushroom (I'm 5ft 7in). I guess that's how a 5ft 2in person feels around me? Sometimes it can't be helped it's human nature.

Probably women who somehow like to show they have the upper hand in no matter what, competitive women, aggressive women, loud women. I'm easily intimidated.
Edit:also women that are very assertive, y'all I need nice people cuz I'm fragile 😀

A girl I work with makes me hella nervous. Mainly because she has a RBF and i just can’t quite gauge her. Sometimes we have very intimate conversations. She recently told me she thought she was pregnant and talked about some work related drama. But sometimes she’s comes to work and hardly speaks to anyone.

Ha. I've been told on numerous occasions at work to "check my face". I've gotten feedback from upper management that I'm unapproachable, and my team sometimes doesn't want to come to me with questions because I seem like I will snap at them. But I really just have an awful RBF and while I might be super busy, I'll totally help anyone whenever!

I guess I'm that intimidating person, too. I was kind of a weird little kid, who read too much through high school, was pretty smart (but didn't think I was, I thought everyone was smart), and was kind of clueless about social interactions. After my best friend dumped me in middle school for the popular crowd, I just assumed I was boring. My second best friend, though, became my best friend and promptly moved away (we maintained a correspondence and to this day, she is still my best friend...we see each other once a year or so).

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As I get older, though, people who had been my admired acquaintances but have, over time, slowly become my friends, have confessed that they were intimidated by me. It's not that I ever excluded anyone, and I've always taken the time to talk to other women and be friendly and open...I think that my assumption (that I'd be boring and not really friend material) meant that I appeared to be standoffish. It probably doesn't help that I'm a little eccentric, someone people consider to be very intelligent (not all that really, though), kind of clueless at times, and absent-minded. Also, other women think I'm adventurous and lead an interesting life, even though I don't perceive it that way. I guess they think I have a lot more going on than I actually do, which is funny, because I just do things, I'm not a braggart or anything like that.

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I am delighted to say that I have a slowly expanding group of good friends, which is good, because we're all heading into retirement, and there's going to be a lot more free time.

The owner of the new company I work for is one of the first women to actually make me feel intimidated not just when it comes to social stuff. She is this super strong, smart, badass woman who demands attention when she walks in a room. She just exudes confidence and style. I'm usually good with strong women and can hold my own but there's something about her that makes me feel like a 5 year old. On top of it she's super super nice and laid back and treats everyone like a coworker instead of an employee so I just feel awkward for feeling awkward. I wanna be her when I grow up and I'm 23 hahaha

Their success. I mean, I WANT women to be successful and powerful. I just feel incredibly intimidated because I’m someone who did something wrong along the way and now I’m just struggling and not really doing anything with my life. I’d kill to be one of the women that intimidate me.

Intelligence - if she's just better than me at everything. I feel like I have to be the smart one, if anyone does better than me academically I just get this sick jealousy over them despite me obviously not seeing what they might have done to get there...

When a woman gets along well with somebody I’m interested in, seemingly better so than I do. I feel so immature but the jealously tears me apart inside. The more positive characteristics she has over me (usually a lot) the more intimidated I feel. It sucks.

If I feel they are smarter or more successful than me. I just can't seem to say anything clever to these types of women and so why would they want to talk to me? So I usually avoid them.

Also if they're very open and social. They will talk about the five art gallery openings they visited last Saturday after having lunch with a friend, volunteering somewhere and before going clubbing. I feel embarrassed to say "oh, I just had a glass of wine with a friend" or even worse "I stayed home and watched Netflix". It makes me feel uninteresting compared to them, so I just assume they wouldn't be interested in being friends with me.

I have a friend who is super fun and nice and she's a perfect student, basically and does really nice makeup and she just gives off a huge protective friend/mom vibe in the best way and it's super intimidating and I still can't figure out why. She's one of my best friends and I'm still intimidated sometimes. I think it's just the amount of confidence someone seems to have is intimidating.

My mom had this thing where she practically terrified some people just by existing. My piano teacher didn't want to talk to her at all.

Me and my dad didn't really understand it, but I think it was because some people sensed that she had this feeling of expectation around her. Like she was measuring someone up by invisible guidelines to see if they compared appropriately.

People hate feeling judged.

Spoiler: she did judge people a lot. Just not maliciously most of the time.

I've never been told I'm intimidating but I feel like I can relate. I feel like every female friend I have is jealous. Or at least like 80% of them. I have no genuinely nice female friends. I need to find new people.

Honestly not very often. Acknowledging that another woman is smart, successful, beautiful etc (the typical qualities of an “intimidating” woman) doesn’t somehow invalidate the good things I have to offer. I think that’s where a lot of people get stuck when feeling intimidated/insecure.

I don't know why but I get intimidated by every women that I have slight feelings for. I can have a laugh and easy conversation with most people, especially people I consider friends but as soon as I start liking a girl I can't even make eye contact. It's defiantly caused me to lose many opportunities.

Tall women who are beautiful haha especially when they don’t say much or aren’t friendly , i just feel judged . My height and short legs have always been something I’m self conscious about so when i see it , im intimidated.

But i feel like intimidation is more about the person experiencing it and how they feel about themselves vs what the other person they’re intimidated by is doing.

Success, intelligence, kindness. I mean that as a combination, each on their own is fine, but together that kind if woman is such a great example if what I would like to be that I find it intimidating.

The same qualities I would also find intimidating in anyone really. Someone that moves fast, is aggressive, loud, and talks more than they think or listen. Someone that always seems to own the room when you walk in (not necessarily being in a position of authority), has a solid idea of their ideal scenarios, and can and will make it happen, regardless of anyone else. Someone that I know on instinct will fight me for something seemingly minor, and the odds would never be in my favour.

I've noticed some women can be off-put by friendly women who smile. I'm not particularly attractive but I am friendly and do smile, and other women can be just ridiculously mean about it sometimes. Definitely #notallwomen though. Sometimes, for me, if a woman's very pretty or appears well-accomplished, I can feel kind of intimidated then, but I try not to let it affect my friendliness levels towards them.

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May you get many friends, though! It sucks to be excluded. If it was real life here, I'd offer to be your friend.

What I notice helps me in situations when I'm intimidated is when other women are warm and very welcoming to me. When they make effort to add me to the conversation or try to make me feel included it is really nice. I try to do that as well when I see another woman is shy or silent near me.

I feel really empowered when I meet strong, intelligent, sensitive women. I love seeing how people overcome oppressive systems and are able to value themselves and their qualities, and it inspires me deeply.

I do get intimidated and insecure when it comes to physical appearance stuff. It seems so silly, considering the lengths and depths of my feminist outlook, but some learned perceptions run real deep. I am fairly tall (5'8") and regular sized (??) and meeting/seeing short, petite woman makes me feel immediately self-conscious and intimidated. I have this thing in my head about that being the "type" of woman that people are really attracted to, and people are settling when they sleep with and/or date me.

So yeah. Despite all the lengths we go to prioritize equality, the patriarchy is hard to unlearn.

I think when you have a big personality there are some people who don't know how to take that but there are people who are secure in themselves and look at your compatibility over their insecurities. I look up to some of my friends instead of feel badly how I am not successful or whatever like them.

Sometimes things that we may do that doesn't seem brash to us but is jarring to others is worth looking into and adjusting. Like I had to rein back my joking as apparently it came off mean spirited if you didn't know me well. I am so used to my few friends and how we can be I didn't realize how it scared others or culturally I guess Asians stand way close and so in the US I made people uncomfortable. I dont mean you need to change completely but I try to be more observant of how I come off. Have you ever asked what is it that people find intimidating exactly?

This is bad but i am intimidated by other women who handle life well. Like something in their life is wrong, and they handle it so easily. I cant do that. I get super stressed and dwell on situations for long periods of time.

I’ve dreamt of having a female friend I can trust. The intimidation I feel in regards to most women is because I do not trust them. Every female friend I have had has used me as an asset or has cause problems for me in my life. So me being intimidated is more about self preservation I suppose.

I used to think I am intimidating, until someone corrected me: I am not intimidating, some people are intimidated for some reason by me. And that’s on them... continue being you, the right people will show up in your life eventually....

I am not intimidated by other women, simply because I am an antisocial cave-troll who has no desire to make friends with neither women nor men, lol. Nor do I “need” anything from women at this point in my life (I’m just a student) that would cause me to have to interact with them moreso (for example, if I were trying to network or to get a job). Therefore, I feel no need to impress, make a good impression with, or try to be included amongst - women. I guess because of that, other women are just “neutral” beings to me.

I am not intimidated by other women, simply because I am an antisocial cave-troll who makes friends with neither women nor men, lol. Nor do I “need” anything from women at this point in my life (I’m just a student) that would cause me to have to interact with them moreso (for example, if I were trying to network or to get a job). Therefore, I feel no need to impress, make a good impression with, or try to be included amongst - women. I guess because of that, other women are just “neutral” beings to me.

I would say never. But I do have a very good friend who is very good-looking, and when I first met her she had the habit of flirting with every guy we met and acting oblivious when she was monopolizing everyone's attention on herself. I found her personality charming regardless, so I stuck with her and she's actually gotten somewhat better in this regard over time. Plus now I'm in a good relationship and she's struggling with dating. I think she somewhat needs to work on her priorities in that regard, though, in terms of how she chooses people.

I’ve also been told that I’m an intimidating female. I think mine is partially resting bitch face, partially my body type (I’m pretty broad), and partially just how I speak. I grew up in a no-bullshit household and my parents always taught me to stand up for myself and my beliefs. I don’t want to come off as an asshole to anyone, and I don’t think I do, but if someone’s gonna stand around a feed me shit and waste my time, I’m probably going to call them out on it.

Throwaway here. I'm over 30 and still go out of my way to avoid plus-sized women. I was bullied and called names in high school for being thin and larger women at my workplace are nasty towards me and a couple of my thin coworkers. There are more of them than us so we sit by ourselves in the cafeteria and stare at our phones because we have nothing in common other than being skinny.

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I do not have social anxiety otherwise, but I go out of my way to avoid interacting with plus sized women at work and at stores, and get sweaty palms when I have to ask a larger woman for help with something.

I’m working on becoming a more independent and “strong” woman. I’m actually a very dependent, very weak girl. It’s pretty… pathetic. Sometimes when I see “strong, independent” women, I feel like I’m looking at everything that I’m not. There's such a push in society today for women to be this way and it's hard to "live up" to all the expectations.

Also, very attractive women. I tend to go pretty quiet in group settings when they are around. It’s almost like I assume that everyone wants to engage with them and not me.

Glad we’re having this discussion though, nice to know it’s not just me who has these feelings!

Yes! I know, it’s such an eye opener how most women think alike :). Anyway I used to be shy, but I once saw this tedtalk said “fake it till you become it” (instead of make it) it maybe sounds a bit weird, but it’s like picking up a new hobby, you try(fake) it until you become more comfortable with it! As in, become comfortable with yourself and be the person you wanna be. Hope this helps, I’m sure you’re an absolutely wonderful woman like all women. And don’t forget it’s not a problem to be dependent either. People think I’m independent, but I’m actually really dependent on my mom and best friend haha ❤️ and when I’m on my period I need to be appreciated 24/7 xD

This sounds like someone I would write EXACTLY. I feel I’m being so friendly and smiley but girls just tell me later or I find out by others that they think I was intimidating. I don’t know why and I have only one friend now. It does hurt and I hope things get better for you.

It doesn't happen often.
I don't think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread or anything, but very few women intimidate me. Perhaps because I'm intimidating myself? Who knows. I am confident, though. I do get insecure now and then, but it's usually over the stupidest things! But intimidated? Rarely. Apart from when a disgruntled customer threatened to kill me the other month. I was genuinely terrified.

Good looking, from a wealthy family, with a good/stable job, a nice relationship (specially one with years already and solid plans of marriage), that travel frequently... honestly every girl that somehow makes my already low self-esteem even worst is intimidating.

I'm intimated by girls all the time, which also makes it hard for me to have girl friends. It's usually girls who are tall and good looking and have solid jobs and boyfriends. I think it stems entirely from my own insecurities about these things (I'm from a family that didn't have much and I graduated from a good university and am in law school but I haven't "made it" yet so seeing that they have makes me worried I never will). At the same time, I'm told by a lot of people (girls and guys) that I'm intimidating. I don't know how I could be because I'm 5'2 and don't even like confrontation but I do have kind of an aggressive personality when I feel comfortable enough to show it.

I'm intimidated by super confident, strong women which sucks because I'd love to be friends with all of them. There was one girl in my high school who was insanely smart, athletic and pretty and I wanted to be her friend so bad but I didn't feel worthy lmao

2 types of woman I'm intimidated by. The first one is when they're more successful and beautiful than me or when they personify the standard of beauty I hope to achieve. But I overcome it by forcing my insecurities down and make friends with them, it works wonders to my favour. Second one is not necessarily intimidated but uncomfortable is the word, they are the girls who are more tomboyish, cuz I have no idea how to talk to them. They don't give any crap nor drama like how other "girly" girls are and are less emotion drama. Although in words, they are the people you would like to hang out with, the girls that I have hung out with, I often get into conflict with because they're either too headstrong or I just don't know how to make them happy as a friend haha.
But nevertheless, don't worry about people who find you intimidating, it's not worth your time cuz it's them not you.. nor let yourself be intimidated by people.

Sorry for the scary police :( I’m from the Netherlands and the cops here are basically bunnies compared to the USA. I hope it will become better ASAP! My father once got pulled over by the police and they held a gun against his head, just because he is a bit darker

I get intimidated by women who resemble the type of girls who used to bully me. That is, very polished looking women who only associate with and befriend some insular group. By insular group it could be several things, like race or class/bg/education.

I've read somewhere that for some women it's hard to make a lot of female friends b/c they don't follow gender norms in terms of socializing. I have a faint suspicion this might apply to me, although I can't really pin down that those gender norms might be.

I feel intimidated by women who appear to have their shit together, like they walk in a room and just have this presence.
Also I’m still insecure about my looks haha so if I see a really beautiful women I feel intimidated by them but I also admire them from afar lol.

I (32F) feel the same way about men and I’m female. I make female friends so easily but have never maintained or had a true male friendship outside of partners. I heard from a guy at work that I was intimidating but then said really it just felt like he could tell I didn’t want anything to do with him. Perhaps you’re inadvertently putting out the same vibe to women.

Pretty much always, but especially when they seem really put together, confident, catty/judgmental/temperamental, or I admire them and want to be friends with them. I pretty much have no close girl friends anymore (I did in school, but I graduated over 13 years ago and miss it) because of this. I get weird, awkward, and shy around other women because I think I'm not cool enough and they don't/won't like me, until I fulfill my prophecy and they actually seem to not like me because they probably think I'm awkward, weird, snobby, boring, don't like them, etc. I just don't know how what to say or how to act to be "one of the girls". I can't seem to let my guard down any more.. I'm much better at befriending guys because they tend not to be so catty, and I feel like we can focus on talking about nerdy stuff, hobbies, and whatnot without a stressful feeling of competition or needing to prove myself.

I have no idea why I can't make female friends. One time, someone told me it was because they were jealous of me. Whut. They have nothing to be jealous of.

On a side note, I do think I'm a little paranoid. My twin sister was awful to me growing up and it messed with my head. I often times think females are talking about me behind my back and that they are being fake to me. My twin was so wonderful. *insert sarcasm*

I’m intimidated by women who think they’re better than everyone. Or at least seem to think they’re too good to be talking to me or doing whatever they’re doing. They make that face, that sneer with the nose turned up like they smelled rotten milk. I hate that face. It makes me feel insecure and like it’s my job to make sure they’re having a better time than they seemingly are.

I would say successful women intimidate me some. My adulthood hasn’t exactly turned out how I planned and I’m not up there where I wish I could be career wise. So it’s probably an insecurity I’m projecting on other women who I wish I was like haha. I also would say I feel I’m bad at making friends with other women even though I wish I could. I’ve always easily make friends with guys and have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, but I do find myself wishing I had some female friends. I always end up in awkward conversations I feel when I make an effort to make friends and end up feeling like I’m weird. I figure one day I’ll find some other weirdos to hang out with haha.

I frequently get told that I am intimidating too. Growing up I was always the one feeling intimidated; conventionally pretty girls were snobby where I grew up. They teased me a lot and pretty much ruined my self esteem through puberty. So I grew to think that a pretty girl/lady had it out for me, and naturally didn’t like me.
It wasn’t until I was growing out of puberty that people- fiends, family and complete strangers would give me random, out of the blue compliments either about my hair or my looks in general. Since I wasn’t used to this I considered all of it to be empty.
I moved away from where I grew up and started living on the opposite side of the country, where people were much nicer, even the pretty ones. I got more compliments than ever and I found myself feeling comfortable to give those compliments back.
Basically, without rambling, I have grown to see my own beauty and why the pretty girls always put me down. I still get a woman from time to time who just hates me off the bat, but I don’t think too much of it. I’m told from time to time by my close friends that I can be intimidating. Their explanation is because I’m comfortable with who I am and I don’t compare myself to others anymore, also I’m strong willed and know what I want. (Granted they don’t know the daily conversations and confusions in my own head) In my experience- even though I am as friendly as I can be to everyone I meet sometimes it is still seen as intimidating to others.

Women who are very outgoing and talk to everyone. I'm very quiet and feel intimidated by those who have little filter. I'm always scared they are going to ask me something personal or point out something about me that makes me uncomfortable. This goes for outgoing men too.

There's a girl at work who intimidates and exhausts me. Her way of relating to her friends is by making fun of them, which I'm usually pretty chill about, but there have been a couple times I've been mean back to her in a joking way, and she got offended. Also, I often hear her talking really badly about people behind their back, and it makes me not want to give her any fuel to talk badly about me. I try to be extra nice to her now, but I feel like that annoys her as well, like it makes me seem fake, so it feels like I can't win with her. Also, she'll often say exactly what she's thinking, so she'll come up to me and be like "you look so nervous right now" or "why do you look so miserable?"