Dramatic Walkout on Bachelor in Paradise Undercut by Silly Backpack

Last night on Bachelor in Paradise, contestant Ben broke the only rule on Bachelor in Paradise, namely, be there with the right intentions (single/ready to mingle).

When the housemates found an incriminating letter from a girlfriend in Ben's luggage that revealed he was in a relationship, contestant Michelle tearfully insisted that he leave ABC's resort compound because it wasn't "fucking fair."

And really, thank goodness for Michelle's overwrought need for eligible beaux, because how else would we have gotten this perfect walk out from Ben? This immaculate, Waiting For Guffman-esque pearl of comedy that begins with him earnestly declaring "Goodbye Hollywood!" and ends with him throwing a patent-leather turtle-shell novelty backpack over his shoulders as he saunters out the door? The next time you quit a job, consider Ben's exit strategy: scathing, impassioned speech + tiny backpack when you turn around to leave.