The first summer of Meghan Markle’s royalty is coming to an end and, as a diligent student of her tabloid coverage, here is what I have learned: She is going to Balmoral for the queen’s summer holiday, and that will be a test. She had her first solo outing with the queen, in Cheshire, and that was a test. She crossed her legs and not her ankles once in public, and that was a test she failed, but then she sat next to the toilets in the economy section of an airplane when she flew to the south of France and that was a test she passed.

In the narrative of Meghan and Queen Elizabeth II, the queen is like Regina George, sneakily setting up little mean-girl tests for Meghan the way we decided Queen Elizabeth did for Diana and then Camilla and then Kate, because naturally a 92-year-old monarch’s primary concern is hazing her granddaughter-in-law.

This one time, Meghan didn’t know whether to let the queen get into a car first, so she asked, and this was somehow mortifying. Meghan likes pasta, but the queen doesn’t serve it at her table, and will Meghan be able to survive one meal without pasta, or will she, like most people deprived of pasta for one meal, wither into an empty husk as she wails, “Rigatoni. Rigatoni.”?

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