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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Introverts: The silent ones in a loud world...

This one is quite different from my usual blog posts, as it wasn't written specifically for the blog, but as a to-be-marked assignment, to-be-sent-for-publication anywhere. So. it's more of an article the likes of which you might find in a journal. Still, what good is it doing sitting hidden and looking lame in an almost empty folder in my laptop? Read on and tell me what you think! :)

Tihana has
always been an exceptional individual. Ever since she was a tiny kid, she’s
turned out to be how everyone didn’t want
her to be, or at least, whatever she did wasn’t really desirable. You see, she
actually lived up to her name, ‘the quiet one’. She’s an introvert and
unfortunately, it’s always been something she’s been admonished for. Though
wrong, it happens, all the time, everywhere. Parents prefer a child who’ll be
actively engaging with other kids, staging performances easily, being the
gregarious one in their peer groups instead of the one who avoids social
circles for solitude. Maybe this isn’t how it had always been, as we’re on the
verge of a huge change in perception, thanks to numerous and sudden
developments.

Extroverts’ rule

As author
Susan Cain points out in her book, ‘Quiet: The power of Introverts in a World
that can’t stop talking’, “In the last century, society began reshaping itself
as an extrovert’s paradise”. The last few decades, especially, have created an ‘extrovert’s
ideal’ as opinions are changing, businesses are expanding and ‘outspoken’
leaders are needed. In any social setting, be it a school, a playground, an
office, extroverts are seen preferably over those who’re the silent ones. The
teacher wants someone with a loud enough voice to be the play’s lead character,
bosses want brisk and quick people who’d perform a task without thinking twice,
who’d make effective presentations in national meetings, who’d always have a quickie
fix and a ready answer for everything. What’s there to lose, right?

Well, let’s
see what most of us fail to notice. One, that introversion is as much of a
trait as extroversion. These two terms originating from Carl Jung’s theory of
personality, aren’t really opposite to each other, but different traits
altogether (as said by Jennifer
O. Grimes, in her 2010 thesis, Introversion and Autism: A conceptual
Exploration of the Placement of Introversion on the Autism Spectrum). As introversion falls more on the ‘soft’ scale, it goes mostly
unnoticed, becomes just an echo among the loud shouts of the extroverts. With
no one to hear them, the extreme introverts draw more into themselves, with a
feeling of being left-out. There, thanks to lack of patience, graciousness to
accept people as they are, choosing an outspoken person just to get the task
done, a person loses his confidence. Not bad enough?

Am I obsessed with leapfrogging fish? :|

Two, with all
this extrovert preference, introverted kids are constantly pestered to ‘open
up’. They’re put into extra-curricular classes after school in the hope that
they’d start speaking more often. All of this makes the child think there’s
something wrong with him, that he isn’t good enough, that his cousin who’s
always winning in debates is far better than him, that his hobbies- drawing and
painting, reading and writing, wouldn’t be appreciated enough. As he grows
older, he realizes ‘talking up to the boss’ is what is needed to get what he
wishes for, that he needs to get ‘better’ if he wants to succeed. After all,
that’s how it is always seen. Susan Cain says, “A
widely held, but rarely articulated, belief in our society is that the ideal
self is bold, alpha, gregarious. Introversion is viewed somewhere between
disappointment and pathology.”

Introvert power

What isn’t
really spoken out loud is how introverts are actually a source of so much
power. It may not be visible on the surface, but that’s the point. You have to
peer carefully and notice the small fragments that make up the whole, you have
to see the details to see what introverts are actually capable of doing. In a
general sense, they’re great artists, writers and thinkers. In a business
environment, it’s actually important to not lose focus of introverts as they
tend to be better decision makers as well. They think in depth about any
situation and wouldn’t make decisions in a hurry, so you can be assured that
it’ll have less risk.

As for
leadership, Susan Cain says that introverts are better at leading proactive
employees because ‘they listen to and let them run with their ideas’ and that
for a good work environment, there should a balance between introverts and
extroverts.

The world has
millions of introverts and it’d be a shame to not accept them as they are and
continually asking them to be someone they’re not. We should be absolutely okay
with the idea of our child, or spouse to not prefer going to parties, wanting
some lone time for their creative pursuits and just live at peace as they want.
If we’re trying to change them, it’s just unfounded and immoral prejudice.
About time we pause, take a break and stay silent long enough to notice those
who’re living like that, silently, at the edges.

17 comments:

For introverts their silence is their sword..and yes they prove to be better decision makers and situation tacklers as they have good hold upon their emotions and tempers. They are sometimes left behind but in a good way to think,create and renovate in their own reverie.

That's all true Namrata. I just have this irritable feeling when introverts are looked down on. I've seen kids trying to do things just because of their parents, or society. It's pathetic. Why not just be best of whatever you are?

I'm glad you share the feeling! Everyone is good enough in their own sense, to me. :)

There is a terrible paucity of people who would actually understand what introvert-ism is and of those who would not just go ahead and think of being introvert as being ill today. Only then, we could move towards a society which respects introverts and not pity them.

As what I understood from one of Susan Cain's address on stage, introverts are better at more things(than extroverts) than otherwise. They just need their space and time. :)

though in a economic environment where growth rate can shoot to even 50% ( or in three digits for that matter), where every bosy is rushing to meet targets. Who has time to look at what they are loosing???

Indian or China cant become US or EU in ten or twenty years. ( even in terms of economy ) and GDP data are delusional.

We're not talking about India or China or US or GDP here. True, it's important, but I don't think it should be at the cost of making people feel miserable.

This post just highlights my view of how introverts are treated, what actually they are capable of doing and how we better maintain a balance. As it is, we're ruled by stupid deadlines and machines. The least we can do is have some sort of equality in perception among ourselves. :)

Great article. I remember that my mother once asked me why I couldn't be more like ______ (an active extrovert, although I didn't know that at that time). What I heard was that I wasn't OK the way I was. She was disappointed in me. She might as well have asked me why I couldn't be taller. So I spent my whole life trying to "be taller." Of course, that only brought stress and some bad life decisions. I now am giving myself permission to embrace my introversion and love it. And also to find ways to protect my sensitive nature. I finally like myself and am happy.

Heyy.... It's good to know you're happy now! That's it, no? We should be loved for who we are, and not what we "should" be. That's crazy. The earlier parents understand that, the better it will be for everyone. I was branded "shy" too, on all occasions I didn't feel like being in a public show. That's one reason I have always sort of been unhappy with schooling (and that's not just the school. I've been to three!). Perception needs to change :)

It's still better now, though, than before. I hope people realize how a majority of people might be feeling low on self esteem because of someone else's bossy demeanor.

Stay happy! Now that you understand, if you are happy, people will like you! (I hope it's true!). Thanks for your comment. It feels good to know people can connect. :)

loved it....every word written is so apt...we should be loved and respected as we are...nothing wrong in being introvert...everyone has some special talent...only they need to recognize it and should use it as an instrument for further growth....hey i can see a promising writer who will be famous one day.:)and i will say....autograph please:):):)

Wise use of words. Very very rightly and profoundly written! This is one of my favourite posts because it gives me so much to relate to and remember. Although there are some points where I think I have a different take. But your super flow of thought and writing makes me feel awesome after reading this. It's like a therapy! Cheers Ashna and keep writing! :)

Agree that bold is in, but what's the harm in making a little space for the introverts? And may be then no one will call them (us) that anymore! :)Love the lines where u put that introverts are far better at analysis and don't take decisions in a hurry.