Madina Archives

I just wanted to know that is it okay to shake a man's hand (when you are at an interview) and what about during college ceremonies? I dont want to go to my college graduation because I know we can't shake hands with males. I don't go to induction or award ceremonies either. So I really miss out on being "honored" I guess you can say and I usually give stupid reasons as to why I don't show up. Also is it okay to shake a man's hand because you feel that they would feel very embaressed when you don't? I.e once someone introduced me to their brother and I was about to shake his hand without thinking and then I remembered and quickly put my hand back when he saw me do that he did the same and left the room feel very embarressed I didn't even say why i didnt shake his hand. Obviously, these american people think its very weird when you say you can't shake their hand etc. if its haraam in all these circumstances what can I say to the person? This is pretty impt to me so please answer. Jazak Allah khair.

NS

Re: Shaking Hands

bhaloo

10/17/00 at 12:29:05

slm

Sheikh Munajidd said:

Praise be to Allaah.

For a man to shake hands with a non-mahram woman (one to whom he is not related) is haraam and is not permitted at all. Among the evidence for this is the hadeeth of Ma’qal ibn Yassaar (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If one of you were to be struck in the head with an iron needle, it would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman he is not allowed to.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045).

There is no doubt that for a man to touch a non-mahram woman is one of the causes of fitnah (turmoil, temptation), provocation of desire and committing haraam deeds. No one should say that their intention is sound or their heart is clean, because the one who was the purest of heart and the most chaste of all, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched a non-mahram woman, even when accepting bay’ah (oath of allegiance) from women. He did not hold their hands when accepting their bay’ah, as he did with men; their bay’ah was by words only, as was reported by his wife ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would test the believing women who emigrated to him with the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “O Prophet! When believeing women come to you to give you the bay’ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse, that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood (i.e., by making illegal children belong to their husbands), and that thye will not disobey you in any ma’ruf (Islamic monotheism and all that which Islam ordains), then accept their bay’ah and ask Allaah to forgive them. Verily Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [al-Mumtahinah 60:12] ‘Aa’ishah said: “So whoever of the believing women agreed to these conditions, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would say to her: ‘I have accepted your bay’ah by words.’ By Allaah, his hand never touched the hand of any woman when accepting their bay’ah; he accepted their bay’ah by saying ‘I have accepted your bay’ah on this basis.’”

(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4512; according to another report: he accepted their bay’ah by words… the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman except a woman he owned . Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6674).

Some Muslims feel too embarrassed to refuse when a woman offers her hand to them. In addition to mixing with women, some of them claim that they are forced to shake hands with fellow-students and teachers in schools and universities, or with colleagues in the workplace, or in business meetings and so on, but this is not an acceptable excuse. The Muslim should overcome his own feelings and the promptings of the Shaytaan, and be strong in his faith, because Allaah is not ashamed of the truth. The Muslim could apologize politely and explain that the reason he does not want to shake hands is not to offend or hurt anybody’s feelings, but it is because he is following the teachings of his religion. In most cases this will earn him respect from others. There is no harm done if they find it strange at first, and it may even be a practical opportunity for da’wah. And Allaah knows best.

NS

Re: Shaking Hands

Saleema

10/17/00 at 16:16:18

Assalamoalykum,

On my high school graduation ceremony, I didn't shake any man's hand. When I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, a woman stepped forward to shake my hand and hand me my diploma. it was all cool. I and some other Muslimahs had told them in advance, a week before, that we wouldn't shake men's hands because it's against our religions. They didn't mind and no one offered us their hands.

If non-Muslims think its weird, then who cares? We are here to please Allah, not them. Sister, be proud and hold your head up high! You are honoring yourself and them, you shouldn't feel embarrased. These are Allah's rule and Allah is the Best Lawmaker.

Just last week, my friend introduced me to some guy, he offered his hand and I smiled nicely and said, "I'm sorry, but I don't shake hands with men who aren't related to me, its against my religion. Its nothing against you so don't take it personally." (Dawah oppertunity!)

He smiled very kindly and didn't seem to mind. If he thought I was weird, then he did a very good job of hiding it. I see him around now and he always says hi and even invited me sit with him, but of course I refused.

If you have self confidence, then no one will make fun of you or think of you as weird, and they will respect you.And if someone doesn't, I don't care and no one else should either. Because remember sis, God will be our Judge and not people on the Day. :)

wassalam

Re: Shaking Hands

se7en

10/17/00 at 17:39:20

You know, in American etiquette, a man is *never* supposed to put his hand out first, he's supposed to wait for the woman to do so. It's interesting that you feel impolite when the guy is the one who's not acting appropriately, even according to American etiquette.

You need to stand up for yourself. There's no reason you should be left out of those ceremonies that are important to you. Just say: "I'm Muslim. I don't shake hands with guys." Usually it's no problem, and you can attend and participate in the ceremony without doing that.

I understand what you're saying about people thinking you're weird. But, I mean no offense to you by saying this: Who cares what people think? You are choosing to act according to the faith you know is right. You choose to make Islam a part of all aspects of your life, including your interaction with guys. You expect people to honor you and respect you and your ways as a Muslim. If you don't hesitate about these things because they make sense to you, you will be respected for it.

The other question that comes to my mind is, does it make sense to you? Does it make sense to you that you should not have any type of physical contact with the opposite gender?

Re: Shaking Hands

destined786

10/17/00 at 23:24:11

salaam

[quote]I just wanted to know that is it okay to shake a man's hand (when you are at an interview) and what about during college ceremonies? .[/quote]

No, it's not allowed under any circumstance. As for job interviews, if a potential employer put his hand out to you simply state that your religion does not permit you to do that.

w/salaam

Re: Shaking Hands

widad

10/20/00 at 06:51:53

slmwhen in was studying in Egypt I didn't know that shaking hands with men was haram,but when I did,and somebody approached me with an outstretched hand I would raise both my hands up and say Assalam alykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu.In the States I did the same thing I would raise a hand as in a salutation and say hi!!