Elderly California Woman Arrested for Trying to Cut Husband Down to Size

Lorena Bobbitt would be so proud. Virginia Valdez, 70, was arrested last December for trying to cut her husband's penis off with a pair of scissors during an oral sex session. During a preliminary hearing yesterday, a judge decided that she would stand trial due to a sufficient amount of evidence and a severe lack of fucks given.

So here's how it went down: Valdez was topping her 62-year-old husband off, when she went to brush her teeth. Seizing the opportunity to strike him at an unexpected moment, she emerged with a pair of scissors and began to snip away. Despite the obvious pain and disbelief, her husband managed to escape to a hospital where he received four stitches.

Valdez was arrested for suspicion of mayhem, assault with a deadly weapon and spousal abuse. She was understandably ordered to stay away from her husband and all parts of his body, and faces nine years in prison if convicted. There are easier and legal ways to permanently ruin a man. It's called "divorce."