SATAN OR JESUS? LET KIDS CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES

Satan or Jesus? Let Kids Choose for Themselves

What follows is not a call to hail Satan, nor a preachy rant on why you’ll end up in hell hanging out with him if you won’t accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. It is instead a call to reason, and a reminder that freedom is the ultimate spiritual compass. When it comes down to it, this is for the children.

Some are born demons, others as angels. I think people should be allowed to be true to themselves. Something about indoctrinating children to adopt a preference for hippies and a reflexive revulsion to horny carousers rubs me the wrong way.

But why? Because parents aren’t giving their children a chance to decide for themselves. The question isn’t Satan or Jesus, it’s how do we keep kids away from Satan? And that isn’t right.

And it’s all I’m asking for. Introduce them to both characters, and see who they prefer. The horned badass in the red corvette and black leather jacket, or the white robe and mandled Jesus who carries a walking stick and travels exclusively on foot.

“Jesus? Can’t we at least get an Uber this one time? My feet hurt.”

“No little Timmy. All of our adventures will be on foot, walking in the scorching heat with nothing but our sandals and walking sticks.” Jesus says, right as Satan speeds by in the convertible, with two babes in bikinis and Timmy’s best friend Michael in the passenger seat. They’re on their way to Las Vegas for an unforgettable weekend of debauchery and good times. Make your choice kids, which show you wanna watch? I’m not saying they should, I’m just saying they should maybe…

Maybe children should hail Satan.

I’m no Satanist, and Jesus is my homeboy, but I’ve woke up next a flaming pentagram with a bloody knife and a dead goat in my lap enough times to know that you shouldn’t knock something until you’ve tried it. At the very least, Satan should get to be the cool uncle of American religion. Listen to the father but don’t pass up the chance to sneak off with Uncle Satan and blow some shit up.

Remember kids, this is America and religion is ultimately your choice. So little Timmy, have a talk with Michael about his trip to Vegas once your injured feet heal up and decide for yourself. Satan or Jesus?