Woo! I’m back in game. Wow, I had a weird psych-out week, workout wise. (how’s that for some alliteration?)

Wednesday was my first workout back with my trainer since I’d gotten sick. I think, objectively I DID okay, and he was like, yeah, you’re doing great, this is awesome, BUT I was emotionally shaky. I do these sideways running hurdle things, two sets of ten. Usually I just do them. They feel good. On Wednesday, during the second set, when I was on #7, I felt myself looking anxiously at the clock, and wondering if I could actually make it. I did, but it brought up this crazy anxiety and grief about Not Being Able To Do something. Or having it hurt or feel hard. I know, I’ve been down this road before. But it’s my particular Achilles heel.

I think one of the reasons I really despised that girl Amanda on Biggest Loser is that I saw her as this big whinemuffin. Which is how I was much of my life. I hated myself for it, and I hated that this is how I was. And if things got hard, I’d be whimpering and moaning like a big baby. (she started doing this high pitched whining during her marathon and I just had to TURN IT OFF, it upset me so much) And I felt my whinemuffin self starting to rear its whiney little head on Wednesday. And I couldn’t stand it. I left the gym feeling really anxious and pissed off, and thought, this better change SOON.

On Thursday (yesterday) I sort of dragged myself to a Nia class. Most of the people there were like 75 years old, so it was not really this big consolation that I was able to get through the class without whining. In fact I felt rather pathetic. Also, I got there late because I was dragging my feet so much. I missed the first 15 minutes. I told myself that the consequence I was giving myself for being tardy was that I was going to take the class AFTER Nia, which is called something like Turbo Toning. It’s filled with very buff college students (no senior citizens). I always see them chomping at the bit, waiting to get in as we are finishing up our Nia. (which I’m sure looks super lame to them) It’s only a half hour class. I figured I could do it.

Well, I did it. But it was hecka hard. We used 3 and 5 lb weights for endless (it felt like) repetitions. There were a lot of variations of pushups, which I hate. So I did it. I felt a little more virtuous, but still, I did not feel happy or good because I REALLY felt like whining during that class.

This morning, I trudged back to the gym. I had a little heart-to-heart with my trainer during my stretching and warmup session. I poured out all my whiney neurosis and he listened, like the great guy that he is. He also had a bit of a devilish twinkle in his eye. He let me express all of my doubt, anxiety and whininess and then he put on my favorite Slumdog Millionaire workout mix, and we got down to it. Some of the things he had me do, I was like, you must be joking. But he was not joking, and I DID IT, and I BROUGHT IT, and it felt….. WHOOOOOOO!!

I went to my trainer this morning and told me, in a post-BL fervor, to kick my butt. He laughed. I showed him my boot and he was like, that’s no problem. So we did a workout that was very heavy on the arms (watch out Michelle Obama!) and other on-the-floor stuff. I did do some medicine ball twisting and pivoting from standing position, as well as some 3-lb barbell things that seemed to go on forever. Then, for a cardio portion, he had me lying on my back doing these bicycle moves. With the heavy boot on this was hard. But I felt like I was doing SOMEthing, you know? I wasn’t sweating as copiously as I do when I do a 5k run, but it was certainly way better than nothing.

This afternoon, my ankle was hurting more than yesterday. It worried me a little bit, so I took the boot off and iced it a while. That helped. Maybe when I go back on Friday I will do no standing whatsoever.

Today I got a bunch of training materials, including an online class I have to take, in preparation for my WW leader training in a few weeks. It’s a LOT of detail but I am excited to learn it. I also need to start following The Momentum Plan exactly (this is also a requirement) in the weeks leading up to the training. This is also a good thing, because I have been sort of winging it in my maintenance and I think I’m going to have to be more focused now that I’m using a lot fewer activity points. (ie burning fewer calories)

It is the perfect time for me to take up a new challenge, and what better than the Biggest Loser challenge? (see button on right) I decided to go ahead and join this. Here are the elements of the challenge:

1. Decide to do it!!! Follow the blog so we know who we should be supporting with comments and encouragement. (CHECK!)

2. Set some goals- make sure you set a least one non- scale related goal!

Lose 10 lbs (I am hoping I can do this in 15 weeks or however long the season is, it’s less than 1 lb/week)

Lose some inches (I will measure myself tomorrow) – I have no idea what is a reasonable amount. 10″ overall??

Be able to run another 5k IF my ankle allows (please please cross fingers for this)

Umm…. I have to think of some other ones.

3. Make a conscious effort to exercise every Tuesday!!! Double points if you workout during the show! (I will work out before the show, but not during – I’m too busy liveblogging!)

4. Weigh-in once a week. Whenever you choose. Tuesday (the day of Biggest Loser) are great!! (OKAY)

5. Take a picture of yourself and your measurements, post it on your blog if you want. (WILL DO. You can see the pic above, I know it isn’t very clear.)

6. Make sure to give your fellow challengers plenty of encouragement every day! (I can do that!)

7. At the end of the season take a final photo of yourself! (for our final reveal) OK

8. The “winner” will be the person who loses the highest percentage of body weight. (I know for sure I am not going to win this but I still think it will be good for me to participate. I am excited in fact)

I know I sorta pooped out on my last couple of challenges but I think this time of being, er, “differently-abled,” is a good time to really focus on the food things, to keep active and just stay in the game.