I cant do this

I can not do this anymore No matter how hard I try this pain will not go away, I am not a good person if I was they would helped me , I am no good to anyone anymore, my life is over, I want to go to sleep and never wake up again, I am so ashamed ofvthe person I am

pices, you ARE a good person. But I do know what it feels like to think of onself as a bad person. And I know what it feels like to be SO ashamed of the person I am. I know what it is like for the pain to not go away. While I know our circumstances are different. I want to tell you that you are not a bad person. Even though you are not getting the help you need.

Do you want to talk about whats happening? Either here or in pm? Please do not give up. Please just hold on. I and others here may be able to help you to find the right help. Thats what community is for. You DO deserve safety and good help. You are a good person. I know this.

Can you talk about it here? Can you talk about where you have reached out for help and was turned away? Please do hold on Pices. Lets see if the power of community can help. I know I sure will do what I can to try to find help for you.

pisces,
please God pisces, You are an Awesome women! please call me or flowers. Do not take them pills. That bitch in your head is Wrong. You are a Great Person! You are needed very much. He is an asshole, he is wrong! You are a great women! Please do not do this , you are needed very very much and you deserve to live! Please stay with us.

pisces,
You have no reason to be ashamed of who you are. You are a Beautiful person. He is wrong do not listen to him. You are needed and wanted by many. Please stay with us as we care for you. Bad things have been done to you, that does not mean you are a bad person. You are a great person!! :hug:

Pices, I totally agree with unionfalls. It is so understandable that when people are given messages about who they are over and over and over they believe it. But he is wrong. You are not those things he tries to make you beleive you are.

Abusers try to own people with words that cause them to feel ashamed. They do not want the person to have enough power to get away. But you deserve much better. I will do what I can to help you to get safe. Nothing is your fault.

Abusers always try to make things seem like it is the person's fault. It is not your fault. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. Promise :hug: you are a good person. Again, I will do what I can to help you get safe.

I have been treated like this since I was kid. Everyone looks down on me like I am a piece of trash. I tried to be good a good person, its not enough. My family knows what he is doing. Because im not mentally well they dont believe me. They quit talking to me. I have no friends or anything. I have no were to go. I can't take care of myself to enough to stay in shelters. I am sick. The day I attempted to take my life in august I called the shelter. They said because I had no bruises or proof they did not think my life was in danger. They only help women who are physically being hurt. I dont have $$ or a car, he makes sure I dont have ability to leave. He plays games with my head. No one likes me or cares im alive in rl. Everyone thinks I am a mentally ill person, no one believes anything I say. He hurt me again. I can not live like this anymore. My whole life has been filled with abuse and pain. If I was better person they would not hurt me. I want to die. There is no way out.

Pisces1,
You ARE a great person. He is the bad person, the family that have abandoned you and do not believe you are the bad people. You did nothing to cause this. You have always been a good person and I know you continue to be good person. You are a great person who deserves better. Please try to reach out to medical/crisis professionals again. I know you have already done this with poor results, that does not mean that you will not be able to find some now and receive the help you deserve and need. I am so very sorry he has hurt you again. I look up to you!! I know you are sick and that you hurt, please believe me when I say that you are a very STRONG women. You are a GREAT person Pisces. Know that we and I are with you, wish to help,want to give you support and comfort. :hug:
We are here, please stay with us. :hug:

If you can get to a hospital - even if you need to call an ambulance to take you - they will ask if you believe you are safe in your home, no matter what reason you are at the hospital. Tell them you do not feel safe at home and they will bring in a social worker - make the social worker listen. You deserve better- you do not deserve to be treated like this. At the hospital tell them you have the means , plan and intent to harm yourself and be able to tell them what it is and they will refer you to psyche where you can get a few days to work on an exit plan with social services to get to a safe place. You deserve a better situation and place , unfortunately if the people in your life and your family will not stand up for you then you need to do it yourself and I have no illusions about how hard it is but it is the only way for you to get out if you are being trapped by him.

If you cannot do anything else call 911 for an ambulance and do not say anything until they get there and come to the door, then go with them in the ambulance as a last resort. Make clear that if the hospital sends you back then you will harm yourself and then they cannot discharge you regardless of insurance or ability to pay. The argument that you show no signs of physical harm does not work if you make it clear the physical harm will happen even if you do it to yourself if you have to go back and that is still him harming you Pisces1 - whether it is your hand or his - he is the one harming you right now.

Pisces I am glad if the current crisis has subsided for the moment. You are a good woman who is smart and kind. I am sorry you have been so abused. This is not a reflection of who you are. If you ever would like someone to make some calls or try to help you get out of there I will do that. I am deeply sorry you have reached out to people who would not help. that is sorrowfully disgusting ( that you were turned away) as far as i am concerned.

Would you be willing to call united way and ask them if there is any place you can turn to without having bruises etc. They usually can be reached by calling 211. I would and will call them for you if you want.

I care. And I do not want you to give up. Even though I know it was so hard to reach out. And when you have, you were turned away. I will do what I can to help or support you in trying again. And again. I will be of support to you here no matter what.

Flowers~ I have never thought of calling united way. Unfortunately I am not sure I can handle being turned down again and I think in some ways I am very scared to try to get help again. The physical abuse did not start untill he found out I was trying to leave and it has escalated after every time I have gone for help. Even when I was just trying to get help for my emotional issues through a mental health clinic. If you would have asked me 9 months ago if I was afraid of my husband or if I thought he would physically do harm to me I would have said no. In over 20 years of marriage he never laid a hand on me. I was thinking of calling the Domestic Violence Shelter again but then I remembered how they refused to come get me the day I tried to take my life. I remembered that when the people in the mental health facility I was in called them to come get me and they refused to help me because I tried to take my life, said they did not have trained personal to deal with me. I was told the only other place I could go was a shelter for homeless people. I truly have in so many ways tried to help myself. Mentaly and physically I am done for right now. It has been to say the least heartbreaking to find out I do matter to anyone. Not my family. Not the people I have reached out to for help. No one. In many ways this has hurt me more and has taken more out of me than anything my husband has done to me and is why I will most likey end my life one day when least expected. I dont want to die but there is nothing left of my heart.