Action Replay: May 2017

We are almost half done with 2017, eh? Wow! 2017 did not start really well for me, but May 2017 more than made up for it. May 2017 has been one of the best months of my life and I am not even exaggerating. This is the first month in my life when I focused solely on one thing. Me. I wasn't in the best of space mentally over the past few months. I've been dealing with demons and various other emotions in my head. This took such a toll on me that I decided that I cannot take this anymore. It was affecting every area of my life and I was losing grip over everything around. One of the most toughest phases of my life. Early May, I decided that I need to make peace with the demons in my head and try to get better. I am feeling totally fine now, but the journey wasn't easy. It happened in steps and I took a conscious decision to give it all I have.

The first step was acceptance. I accepted that I was going through something and I needed to get out of it. Initially, I kept lying to myself that I was fine and all this was just a phase. But this time, I put my foot down and accepted that all was not fine after all. Work was keeping me really busy and I barely had time for myself or anything else. I was suffering from insomnia and this affected day to day activities of my life. When I finally accepted the problem, I sat down to figure it out. I prioritized things, activities and chores. Sleep was still an issue, but when I was awake I did all that I could. It was not easy. That is what took me to the next step.

The second step was to not to try and do everything alone. I am a pretty good multitasker, but then again, everyone has a breaking point. I decided to ask for help when something was too much for me. My emotional turmoil was killing me and I was losing my mind. I decided to talk about it to someone. Slowly, as my pent up feelings poured out I started feeling better. I asked my husband to help me around the house a little more. This helped me manage things better. I delegated work better and planned things better. Suddenly, I did have a fair amount of time free to indulge in whatever I wanted, taking me to the next step.

The next step for me was to do things that I loved and enjoyed. Reading was the obvious choice. As I spent time reading, I felt calmer and began to look at life in a much better way. I planned my day well and gave myself ample time to read. I finished five books this month and all of them have been really good. Romance, crime, mystery, drama - I read it all and loved every moment of it. I felt that I was getting better day by day. I spent some good time alone to do things I loved. I gave fitness another chance and began working out again, along with following a healthy diet. Things started looking up almost immediately. I realized that a healthy body is a healthy mind. My husband and I spent a lot of time having long conversations about everything under the sun. Day by day, I got back to my older, happier self.

The next step was to eliminate toxic people and emotions from my life. Family has always been a disappointment to me and I let go of every negative feeling and memory that was associated with them. I stopped thinking too much about what I can or should do for certain people. No matter how much you do, some people will always find it sparse. I'm now going to ignore that and move on. I left behind all the anger and hatred I had towards people and some old friends and decided to move on. Today, I'm indifferent to anything that happens to them. I have my parents by my side, my husband and a good bunch of friends. That's all I need. The rest all don't exist for me anymore.

The next step was to focus on the previous steps and stick to it. I thought it will be hard initially. Turns out, not that much. May showed me the importance of a strong mind and that is what I worked towards. When you have set plans in place, you cannot go wrong. But then again, life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans. After going through hell, I'm now prepared for anything that comes my way. I've learnt to let go, accept, ask for help and heal now. As far as I'm concerned, this is all I need.

May was beautiful in every possible way. Multiple lessons learnt and tons of strength gained. I couldn't ask for more.

8 comments:

I am so happy for you Soumya. I am truly glad that you are doing better, and I hope things only look up for you from here on. Cutting out toxic people is the best thing you could have done for yourself.

Complete indifference, and not hate, is what we need to feel towards such people. Only then we are truly free of them. I am glad you are on the way there.

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