nights like these

Nights like these, I struggle.

There are so many things that were ‘ours’. Places, music, inside jokes. I can’t listen to Andrew Bird without wanting to throw things. I can’t watch Star Trek or Big Bang Theory or Walking Dead without feeling ill. I catch myself giggling at something and realize there’s no longer anyone that understands why it’s even funny. It still hurts to breathe, nearly three months later.

I put up a pretty good front. Most of my friends kinda figure I’m long since over this phase of things. I don’t bother confiding because most of them never knew ‘us’ well to begin with. Most days I’m fine and then nights like these… I lose it.

The worst part? I know it’s a one-sided struggle. He moved on before he ever even told me goodbye.

2 Responses to “nights like these”

Well, I get this. I have always done the brave face thing. I might vent a little, but no one ever has any idea of the pain. Ever. Even when it hangs on for years.

The best def I’ve ever heard of loneliness is when you feel powerless to connect with others, or maybe someone specific. Maybe especially someone specific. Loneliness + anger makes me really depressed. This is the time of year when people feeling that way are truly NOT alone!!!