May 23, 2010

At three this morning, I was struck by the sheer legendary magnitude of supposed praise that was being hypothetically printed on the unreal jacket for my bogus book. Quotes have flooded in the way that only such unreal praise can: All at once from pretty much everyone and anyone you can think of, though none of whom can I specifically name.

Why did I do this?

Because writing is dangerous and lonely work, and most of you nutjobs never, ever show any appreciation for any of my writing, which means I must invent my own. So, here I go. Here's what I can only imagine is being said about my fake book...

"Incredible" - Famous Writer Lady

"This product crassly uses a story to manipulate the reader, but be not deceived: The story is entirely fictional!" - Moral Absolutist Critic

"Incredible" - Famous Writer Guy

"Half-way through this book, I had half of it left to read." - Precise Critic

"Go to a place where you can buy this thing, and buy it there! Tell them I sent you, but don't tell them why specifically. It's better to be mysterious; plus I'm not sure what I'm telling you to buy, and I don't want to get arrested for your illicit purchase." - Self-Important Celebrity