Mornin’ everyone. As we approach the mid-year mark, I thought it would be fun to look at the past six months in the world of sports and bestow some mid-year awards. Because the awards are purely fictional, feel free to disagree or to create your own. Starting locally before moving globally.

Ki-Jana Carter Ironman Award. Jonah Williams, Bengals first-round pick who is out for the season after tearing his labrum in OTAs. He too soon follows in the footsteps of William Jackson, III, who missed the entire 2016 season after being selected by the Bengals in the first round. At least Ki-Jana played 3 pre-season snaps before tearing his ACL against the Detroit Lions 24 years ago. Per Paul Dehner Jr., now of The Athletic, the Bengals last five first-round picks have played a total of 640 snaps. The league average last year for first rounders was 699 snaps. Does anyone still doubt The Curse of Bo Jackson?

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Bo Jackson injured his hip against the Cincinnati Bengals and never played football again. For the Bengals, a decade of bad luck ensued, and Cincinnati is yet to win another playoff game. Which brings us to ask: Do you know The Curse of Bo?
The Enquirer/Mike Nyerges

Let’s Hope the Herd Knows Where It Is Headed. The Bengals for hiring Zac Taylor. The Bengals were one of many teams which hired a young offensive coach due to the success of the Rams’ Sean McVay. Unlike the other hires who did not have direct ties to the new boy genius, McVay, Taylor was on his staff, albeit merely as a QB coach. Taylor’s last residency in Cincinnati as offensive coordinator for UC resulted in the firing of his boss who is now a senatorial candidate in Alabama. Fingers are crossed that Taylor is much more successful during his second stop in the Queen City.

Best Cracker Jack Prize. Tie. Derek Dietrich and Jose Iglesias. The Reds signed both of them to minor league contracts on the eve of Spring Training and both have been instrumental to the “success” of the Reds so far if “success” is defined as not being in last place as the calendar turns to July. Dietrich with his painted mustaches, bug spraying antics, and ownership of the Pirates is my favorite Red player in forever. Iglesias has been a nice addition during his apparent cup of coffee in Cincinnati.

Thanks, But We Are Happier With Your Replacement. Mick Cronin. I went deep on this two months ago, so I will spare you the repetition while reiterating my point that John Brannen is a huge upgrade for UC hoops. I wish Mick well while appreciating that our low ceiling has been lifted.

We Will Not Miss You As Much As You Miss Us. UConn. For some reason, perhaps reality, UConn has decided that it is better off in the Big East than the AAC. OK. Its basketball program has been atrophying for several years while its football program barely qualifies as FBS. If I cared, I would wish them well in their new environs as a former hoops power in a hoops conference while trying to put together a decent schedule as a football independent. But I don’t, so pox on them and their faux superiority complex.

You Are Not in Kansas (or the USL) Anymore. FC Cincinnati. While dominating the USL regular season in 2018 due to a collection of superior talent, FCC is now comfortably mired as the worst team in MLS in all metrics – points, goals scored, and goals allowed. So, there are two questions which are opposite sides of the same coin. How the heck did a team with 8 players who are deemed worthy of playing in the MLS not romp to the USL title in 2018? Or, who decided that a non-championship USL team had 8 players deserving of inclusion on an MLS roster? Most blame the now fired former coach. The club has hired a general manager and is searching for a new coach. It is easy to give Jeff Berding a pass because he was so tied up with the move to MLS while trying to secure the requisite soccer-specific stadium that he demurred on the roster composition to others including the under-achieving coach. This team accomplished so much on and off the field in 3 years, let’s give them a mulligan for this year and hope for better results with everyone’s attention concentrated on field-based results next year.

Don’t Bother Us, We Like Our Neighborhood/Don’t Bother Our Constituents, We Have More Power When They Are Poor. The residents of the West End and the politicians who opposed, and continue to oppose, the FC Cincinnati stadium. I can possibly understand (thanks Patrick Wiley for making that point previously) residents of the West End who fear change to their neighborhood, although it is for the better for most of them. I condemn the politicians who have opposed economic development in a part of a town purely for their own power. No one should have power because they keep citizens poor although Castro did and Maduro does. Still, the FC Stadium is the best development in the West End since the end of WWII and we all should embrace it while thanking CIII and his fellow FC Cincinnati owners for making it happen.

Lazarus. Tiger Woods. After Tiger backed into a fire hydrant 10 years ago then watched his personal life collapse and his health deteriorate, a friend stated that Tiger would never win another major. 40 majors later, Tiger proved him wrong to the delight of many. The biggest sports story of the year.

Garfunkel Needs Simon. Kyrie Irving. After winning a title in Cleveland then forcing his way out after a runner up finish, Kyrie has been injured then unable to advance to the conference finals. Sometimes playing Robin to Batman is OK and results in a championship c.f. 2016. Fortunately for Kyrie, as he heads into free agency after two disappointing seasons, NBA teams pay Robin as much as Batman. Undeservedly.

Karma Bites. Golden State Warriors. After compiling a historic best record of 73-9, but losing to the Cavaliers in the Finals after blowing a 3-1 lead (thanks, Draymond, for punching an opponent in the n___), the Warriors signed Kevin Durant and won the next two titles. This year, as we all know, Durant tore his Achilles Tendon in Game Five and Klay Thompson tore his ACL in Game Six before the Dubs succumbed to the Raptors. Now the Warriors are faced with the prospect of paying both players, who are free agents, huge sums of money while they will be unable to contribute next season. Those players would tie up a significant part of their salary cap and preclude them from signing helpful replacements. The dynasty is dead.

Karma Bites II. Chris Froome. The four-time winner of the Tour de France was accused of cheating prior to least year’s race, but was not suspended because he was able to claim that his kidneys malfunctioned. He finished third. Several weeks ago he crashed while training and broke his leg with the bone coming through his skin. He is out of the Tour and his chances of winning it again are minimal. Only one man his age has won the Tour, but that was in the era of smoking while riding. Froome crashed while blowing his nose going downhill at 35 mph. Personally, when my nose runs while riding, I used the back of my hand. If you see me on the Trail, you most likely do not want to shake my hand. Even a fist bump is questionable.

Karma Can Be Good. University of Virginia. After being ridiculed as the first NCAA number one seed to lose a first-round game in 2018, the Cavaliers rebounded this year to win the title. En route, they received several beneficial ref calls and missed calls to preserve their victories.

I’m Not Jewish But I Love Zion. Zion Williamson. Not since LeBron has a player been so heralded, nor gone by his first name only, as Zion Williamson. When my son left for Ohio State, we were able to stay connected over sports. Zion became one of those topics (“did you see that block” and “did you see him blow his shoe out”) that we could easily discuss. I will always love Zion for allowing me to bond with my son while he was 100 or 1,500 miles away and look forward to watching him in the NBA.

Off The 54 Year Schneid. St. Louis Blues. My first hockey memory is of the Boston Bruins sweeping the St. Louis Blue in the Stanley Cup Finals in 1970. The Blues had not returned to the Finals since. This year they not only made the finals but vanquished the team that last defeated them nearly 50 years ago en route to their first Stanley Cup. They were the last of the Second Six of NHL teams to win the Cup. We will be waiting interminably for the Oakland Seals’ first title.

Off the Smaller Schneid. Columbus Blue Jackets. After 20 seasons in the NHL and three straight playoff appearances, they finally won their first playoff series ever by defeating the number one seed Tampa Bay Lightning. The Bengals wish they could emulate them.

Switching from sports.

You Make Me Miss Jar Jar Binks. Forky from Toy Story 4. We have seen one movie this year in the theaters – Toy Story 4. The new character is the most annoying addition to a movie franchise since Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace. There is nothing credible about him or the movie plot, although I recognize there is nothing credible about talking toys.