Gentle mom does everything 'right' and still loses her baby boy

I can't keep the tears from flowing today for a beautiful new momma who worked so very hard to bring her son peacefully into this world, and provide the absolute best for him during each and every moment of his brief seven days of life on this earth.

Right from the beginning, April diligently researched all aspects of motherhood - pregnancy, birth, and baby care - to be certain she was making the very best choices for her child at every step of the way. With each decision, throughout the course of her baby's growth both inside and out, April made choices that fully supported an optimal wellbeing for her beautiful new baby boy. Her friend, Kristen, says that, "Everything she ate, drank, thought, and breathed was to make her son happy and healthy." April was prepared for motherhood better than most ever hope to be, and was destined to be an amazing mom to this new little life.

April gently birthed her baby boy, Fox, into this world on October 20th. She announced his arrival, "Happy birthday little Fox Elijah King!" while she nursed him, held him close to her heart, and fought off knife-happy Minnesota hospital staff to keep him intact. She told friends that Fox "nursed like crazy for an hour at least" and he truly was blessed with the most loving start in life.

Fox's father, Morgan, was a solid foundation of support to April, encouraging her through labor and birth, and being a very present, gentle Dad to his new son.

Both of their world's came crashing down when, late last week, Fox simply did not wake up from his peaceful slumber. This is a case we rarely witness - one where everything was done 'right' - where a baby had it all - a peaceful and healthy pregnancy, birth, and post-partum period, but did not survive. For seemingly no reason at all. Fox received the utmost primal parenting care, had nothing toxic put into his body, nothing traumatic happen to him, no reason whatsoever to leave so suddenly. And yet, he did.

I cannot imagine the pain of wanting something so badly, preparing for it so heartily, loving so deeply, and losing it all without warning, without reason. And after you did everything you could to prevent such a thing. I wish this was a wound I could heal. With an ache in my heart for her loss, and as powerless as I am in this situation, I simply must do something to help April through this battle.

An additional burden placed on parents who lose a baby or child is the horrendous amount of money it takes to provide a loved little one with a funeral and burial to say goodbye to your baby. April is not in a position of great means, and this has especially taxed her in an already hard time. According to the U.S. Funeral Directors, the average cost of a funeral is $5,000 minimum. But we can do something to provide at least a small amount of reprieve to April so that she may start in healing.

April is someone who all babies would be lucky to call "Mom." If, at some point, she chooses to bring another life into this world, I hope she will find a community of support behind her. Until then, I'd like to honor the amazing gifts she gave to Fox, the depth of her love and protection of him, and the blessings his beautiful little life brought back to those who knew him.

Please, even if you have just pennies in your PayPal account, consider helping April get back on her feet. All donations during the month of November will go to April. It could be in honor of your own child, or simply a gesture of love. Thank you for caring so much for a fellow peaceful parenting momma.

*DEC 30 UPDATE: We'd like to continue to give April a bit more. She is returning to school in Jan 2011, and going to start planning for another baby. If you'd like to help her out, we will pass gifts along to her.

I am so sorry that April is now part of the community no one wants to sign up to be in, the baby loss community. There are many caring and supportive ladies who've lost babies in this bloggy world. I am one of those. I don't have money but I can offer a few helpful links if you would like to share them with her. I encourage you to take a look as well, there is information as to how you can help your friend through this time as well.

I'm so sorry for their loss. It is just heartbreaking and my thoughts and prayers go out to them.

I'm also astounded and so shocked that there are no funeral homes in their community whatsoever that do not provide infant services for free. When we lost our daughter at 40w, seven years ago, we were given the name of a local funeral home who donates all of their services, including the casket, the transportation, everything the funeral home did was free of charge. Their staff even attended the funeral. All we had to pay for was the burial plot (about $200), the obituary (about $50), donation to the church ($100), and (eventually, when we could afford it) the marker (the real expense at $700).

That there are funeral homes who charge thousands for this and make money off of parents who have just lost their infant is outrageous. Shame on them!

I am so very sorry for your friends loss. It is such a heartbreaking sad road to travel on. I'm 8 months out on my road of pain and sadness. My child was 18 months old though but if your friend needs someone who needs to talk to someone, I will glady lend my ear.

The same thing happened to me. My son was born at 42wks 2days on December 30, 2009. He was born at home, gently in water. Left intact, breastfed on demand, not injected with toxins and shared a bed with my husband and I. On Mother's Day morning I awoke to realize that my son had slept all night for the first time. At first, I was excited and then I touched him and realized that he wasn't breathing and he was cold. Everything was done RIGHT and still he flew home to be with Jesus. The Dr. says it was "Sids".... but I don't know. I miss my little boy. My prayers are with April and her family. Our two boys are together in the arms of Jesus.

Its heartbreaking to know that such a peaceful loving mom would lose her child anyway... When there are parents out their who dont even deserve the title "Mom" or "dad". I pray that she can find it in her to become a mother again, for she deserves that title. It may have been a short life, but that little angel obvious had ALL the love in the world from his Parents. RIP Angel Baby Fox

I don't know if there is one in her area, but I hear French's Mortuary provides burial and funeral expenses for children under a year for free. Maybe like J said - there is something there. There has to be. My heart goes out...

My heart goes out to April and this family. What a horrible position to be in. Perhaps looking at different funeral homes is of merit here. When my friend's son died several years ago the funeral, obituary, etc was $800. The plot in "baby land" was donated by the cemetary. If we chose to bury him near family, we had to pay. If we buried him in baby land it was free, always. The gravestone was the only thing that we had to pay for.

Good luck. I know from assisting my friend it is a stressful and HORRIBLE time in life at a time that that kind of money simply isn't saved up.

April, blessings and hugs. I really have no words that can "make it better" right now. I will be thinking and praying for your family.

That is just heartbreaking :-( I can really empathise with April and Morgan. I did 'everything right' as far as I know during my pregnancy with my son, and he was stillborn at 29 weeks.

It cost very little, comparatively, to have him buried, though we're still yet to get a headstone eight years on. I know well the added pain of spending money on a box for your child when you should have been shopping for clothes, nappies, slings.. it's cruel. We were lucky that the local funeral home donated their services for free. They also provide the smallest casket for free which he fitted; a full term baby would need a larger one. The plot from the council was about $400 in the children's section. Do ask around - that seems like an incredible amount of money.

I'm so sorry for their loss. Sometimes the county provides funeral assistance; I'm not sure exactly what the qualifications are but the Ramsey County Funeral Assistance # is 651-266-4444. Also I wonder if calling the United Way 211 First Call for Help might yield a suggestion as to a place that waives or reduces their fees for such a tragic situation.

April, Morgan, what a beautiful life baby Fox had, I am so happy for him that he had such wonderful peaceful parents as you. He was so blessed with such a peaceful entrance. He will come back to you, I know he will. His spirit was meant to come be with your family, it is still with your family, and it will come through to you again, there is no question babies pick you as parents and if his time with you was cut short, it will happen again. Maybe he was a baby in a past life who didn't have a peaceful entrance and he had to come back to experience it and then he did and you fulfilled for him his whole purpose for coming through you into existence. Just a thought.