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Friday, October 3, 2008

Voices in my head, these days

It has been two weeks since Gerald passed away. We are meeting with his doctor later this afternoon to hear more about the results of blood tests taken in the emergency room, and any other information from the hospital records that might help us understand how he became so sick so very fast.

The first days after his death, a few old poems started cycling through my mind. As reading and writing have sustained me through many difficult times in my life, it makes sense that familiar poems will approach me when I, and those closest to me, are troubled and sad. Reading poems or books, or keeping a journal, might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I'm sure they've brought some comfort to many other people in distress. So, I wanted to share some of the voices I've had in my head these two long weeks.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

---by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)i am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear;and whatever is doneby only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i wantno world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meantand whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the budand the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which growshigher than soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

The Bustle in a House

---by Emily Dickinson

The Bustle in a HouseThe Morning after DeathIs solemnest of industriesEnacted upon Earth —

The Sweeping up the HeartAnd putting Love awayWe shall not want to use againUntil Eternity.

Heart! We will forget him!---by Emily Dickinson

Heart! We will forget him!You and I - tonight!You may forget the warmth he gave -I will forget the light!

When you have done, pray tell meThat I may straight begin!Haste! lest while you're laggingI remember him!

Nothing Gold Can Stay

---by Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,Her hardest hue to hold.Her early leaf's a flower;But only so an hour.Then leaf subsides to leaf.So Eden sank to grief,So dawn goes down to day.Nothing gold can stay.

Finally, this is one of my favorite quotes, and has been since I found it in an old edition of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations when I was twelve years old. It's attributed to George William Childs.

Do not keep the alabaster boxes of your loveand tenderness sealed up until your friends aredead. Fill their lives with sweetness. Speakapproving, cheering words while their earscan hear them, and while their hearts canbe thrilled and made happier by them.