WARNING: Based on my current condition, free-form thought may ensue below.

On Friday my new CB-3000 arrived. I had been a little nervous up to that point, but as soon as I took the cage out of the box and saw it in true life I was weak in the knees. It's real now, something imminent that I will wear, in whatever way pleases Mistress Kate.

Deep breaths, ace... You can do this...

The truth is, I find this whole thing exhilarating. It's the logical next step in my service to Ms Kate. Real life on my end prevents me from being locked full time, but we are finding ways to involve the cage that I didnt' think were possible. As I look back over the past eleven months, I can see the design and path that she has led me on, preparing me for this next step in our adventure. She has taken me from about a three day lapse between orgasms to now...

Breathe.. Relax...

Amazingly, the fact that I am at 27 days of "no cummies" (four days past my record) doesn't deter my thrill. Nor does the fact that I am expecting at least 20 more days of denial. October 5th, which will be day 45, is my one year anniversary of the first time Ms Kate took the steering wheel of my life and shifted into fifth gear. Sure, I am wracked with want and need, ache and desire, throbbing and....

Breeeeathe, ace...

Where was I? Ah, yes... I am headed out on a business trip at the end of the week. Ms Kate told me to get some plastic locks for the cage, so I'm sure she is planning some devious things for me on the trip. I'll be gone a week, and I fully expect to locked away the whole time, unable to touch, unable to feel the....

Wheeeeeeeewww..... Concentrate, ace. You're gonna make it.

So I've been getting used to the cage a bit each day leading up to my trip. I think I finally found the right fit. It's good to have locked up friends who will i.m. you some advice when necessary. I found that the hardest part for me was getting in the tube. I've been getting so frazzled sexually with being on denial that it's been difficult to squeeze into the cage. In fact, on every occasion so far I have had the assistance of ice to make everything shrink down enough to fit in. Once inside and locked in, everything is fitting really well and I don't think I'm going to have any problems.

It really is torture to have that tube on. I can't feel anything through it and the holes are designed to provide access to the least sensitive parts. I am amazed at how minimal feeling is even from tapping the plastic. And, of course, the more I can't feel, the more I wish I could feel, and the more desperate I get, and...

rrrrrrr..... grrrrrrrrr....... Not now... Stay calm......

..........

So I'm sitting here now typing this with the cage on, taking breaks when my mind tells my cock to get hard. Things go from okay to very tight fast. I am aching so much to have a "cummie", but I am doing what Ms Kate said to do... Taking it one day at a time.

Each morning I wake up happy that I am one day closer to our anniversary date, and I haven't failed yet. The aneros and I had a visit last night and I thought the ensuing milking would relieve some of my mental need to cum. Instead, it just made me want it more. Each day I think I will do okay, but as the days turn to weeks and months, I am getting excited by the simplest things... Car going over a speed bump, walking, getting my hair cut by a girl with a southern accent.

And in the hours that I'm wearing the cage, I feel like I've finally truly given control of my pleasure to Ms Kate. It's like she's actually wrapped her hand right around me and said, "This belongs to me. I decide when it gets to cum." And that is sooo, soooo......

......................deep breath................................

You know what? It is worth the discomfort to get to have such delicious thoughts about my beautiful mistress. There is no luckier pet than I. Thank you Ms Kate for helping me take this giant step forward.

If I say that men are fascinated by--obsessed with--penises, it is not to insult anyone. It's all too easy, in our world, to make fun of men, men's bodies, and men's feelings about their bodies. We men love our cocks, and that's ok. In fact, that's good. We have long relationships with our penises, so let's hope the relationships are positive ones.

Men become attached to the sight, the feel, the idea of a hard squirting cock; from years of that hard squirting cock being at the center of a pleasurable masturbatory life. Pavlovian association? Skinnerian reinforcement? Whatever we call it, it is completely understandable and natural: To the male mind, Hard Penis = Pleasure.

The problems in our culture with accepting this male phallophilia are these: homophobia, insecurity, and prudery. In academic, progressive, feminist, and other supposedly sex-positive sub-cultures; there is often a deep suspicion of male sexuality. But I want to emphasize: Male interest in penises has nothing to do with orientation or confusion about orientation, nor about competition, domination or degradation of anyone, nor really about anything. Men's interest in cocks is fairly free of baggage. All of that other crap--from orientation anxieties, homophobia, to the treatment of semen and the penis as weapons of humiliation in pornography--comes later, as society muddies the clear water of sexuality with its confused, hypocritical bullshit.

In so much of porn for men who identify as straight, penises are either central, or conspicuously absent. As for the whys and hows, I'll save specifics for another blog entry. For now, a recommendation: Quit worrying. Being curious about penises, erections, and ejaculations will not change your orientation. Seeing them, enjoying them in your porn collection or in your fantasy life... none of these have to mean anything you don't want them to mean. I'm not a fan of labels and categories for sexuality, but whatever "straight" means to those who apply the term to themselves, it is not contradicted by a collection of cumshot videos on the hard-drive.

I want to reclaim the penis from the pornographers who enable the man-hating wing of progressive subculture--i.e. from the pornographers who fulfill the prophesies of McKinnon, Dvorkin, et. al., by turning the penis into a weapon of violence and humiliation.

Semen is not about domination, but about the human reality of juicy sex. It's a healthy bodily fluid. We--men who love women, sex, penises--we need to reclaim the narrative of the hard cock and the cum-shot. We need toreclaim it from both the woman-haters who make porn... and from the man-haters who present papers about them at the MLA.

Hard spurting cocks are--or can and should be--symbols of passion, beauty and love. I hereby declare my erection to be beautiful, and my semen to be among the many yummy juices of sexual passion. I invite you to do the same.