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a whirling vortex of need

There was a time in my life when I was a whirling vortex of need. I look back and feel sorry for those closest to me at that time.

But I’ve changed. I’ve grown up. I’ve become self reliant. I’ve become independent. If I ask you to help me with something you can bet your sweet ass that I have exhausted all efforts to do it myself or it’s something I just don’t understand, like why the hell I still have a VCR hooked up and why I get a loud buzzing noise every now and then. Electronics? Beyond me.

So when I feel neediness creeping in, I like to beat it back down with a club, all cave-woman style. I’m proud of the fact that I’m not who I used to be. I’m proud that I have painted my house on my own, laid my own sod, hung my own shelves. I’ve got no time nor tolerance for neediness in myself and others. Well, if I’m to be honest, I can tolerate neediness in my friends far more than in myself.

But beating it back down with a club doesn’t seem to be working today. And I’m thinking that perhaps that might not be the best plan of attack right now.

So right now I am a whirling vortex of need. I need my friends, I need to hear their voices, I need to see their words on the screen, I need to know that all of you are there, I need human contact, I need to love and be loved right now.

There. I said it. I am a whirling vortex of need right now and I’m not even going to club it back down into submission.