The little joys (and laughs) of teaching

When I started teaching I never imagined that apart from being incredibly de-stressing and satisfying at an intellectual and emotional level, it would also be an amazing source of humour…the things I hear in class are worthy of being compiled and published in a book! Here’s a teaser:-

Je suis une question. (I am a question.) – You can imagine the mirth that followed at this one! Ah bon, really? The student meant to say “J’ai une question” (I have a question.)

J’étudie lingerie (I study lingerie.) – it took several minutes for all of us to calm down before I figured out that the student meant to say “J’étudie l’ingénierie.” (I am studying engineering.)

Je suis mort l’année dernière. (I died last year.)- this came as a response on being asked to rearrange the given points and write a biography using the past tense. It seems we don’t know the difference between a biography and an autobiography. I couldn’t help adding another line, “Maintenant je suis phantôme” Now I’m a ghost!😉

Souris! (Mouse!) – I’d just reprimanded a boy for talking too much in class and when he said this I did a double-take and was quite horrified. It turns out he was just trying to frenchify the word “Sorry” so instead of saying “Désolé” or simply “Pardon” he ended up called me a mouse!

Talk about vain efforts to elucidate and illustrate without using English. The word in question was “incroyable” (incredible) and I decided to use an extremely unpunctual student as an example “ Ashwin est arrivé à l’heure? C’est incroyable!” A student’s immediate reaction – “Ah incroyable ça veut dire la fiction” (“Incroyable” means fiction!)

Je reader des nouvelles, player de la guitare et talker with mes friendsa – this one was a classic case of Frenchifying English by converting all English verbs into the group of French verbs with the suffix –er. It shouldn’t be difficult to figure out what it means – here’s how it should have been said: Je lis des romans, joue de la guitare et parle avec mes amis.

J’aime faire un serpent pour Noël. (I like to do a snake for Christmas) – I almost choked on hearing this one – what the student meant to say was J’aime décorer un sapin pour Noël. (I like to decorate the Christmas tree)

Vous avez fait qui ce weekend? (Who did you do this weekend?) – to say that I was horrified with this question would be an understatement; luckily the student realized the faux-pas and immediately replaced “qui” with “quoi” so that the question became : “Vous avez fait quoi ce weekend?” (What did you do this weekend?)

And on that note, the most recent faux-pas that had not just me, but the entire class in splits :

Est-ce qu’il y a une difference entre “se coucher” et “accoucher” (Is there a difference between “to go to bed” – also used when you to go bed with someone – and “to give birth.”) As the class broke out in peals of laughter and the student realized his faux pas, I couldn’t help but say “Oui, il faut se coucher avec quelqu’un pour accoucher.” (Yes, one must go to bed with someone in order to give birth.)