How To Date Like LeBron James

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, or sequestered in some kind of freaky-deaky cult ranch for the last few weeks, you know that LeBron James is on a mission to bless a new NBA team with his presence. I was going to do a list of the hottest celebrity sports fans, but the BleacherReport knocked that one out of the park. There has to be a real relationship angle to LeBron Watch 2010. And there is. Despite seeming like just another media circus created by a wildly self-involved professional basketball player, the King's quest for a team is a great lesson in dating.

1. Make it special. While LeBron is literally having a TV special, all you have to do is maintain a little bit of mystery. Jumping into bed right away may be enticing but, ultimately, a little bit of waiting will make it more memorable.

2. Sometimes guys just want to hang with their boys. LeBron James very well may go to Miami. It's nothing you did, Cleveland; he just wants to spend a little bit of time with his buddies, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. Poll: Do You Love Your Boyfriend But Hate His Friends?

3. No one is going to die. While people will be wildly disappointed if a fellow or chick isn't into them, chances are that no one will actually die. Keep in mind that I'll feel like a serious jerk-ass if some New Jersey Nets fan walks out into traffic on the Turnpike due to an LBJ snub.

4. Always leave 'em wanting more. Being too available seems a little needy. Sometimes it works; other times it gets you taken for granted. Playing a little hot and cold will keep the pursuit lively.

5. Look out for number one. Sure, you may love someone, but if you're unhappy in the long run, it's not really worth it for either of you. Be loyal to yourself first.

6. Know yourself and what you want. If you think you're pretty awesome, other people will, too. If you want to be a global icon, marrying a long-haul trucker based in Sioux City may not be the way to go. Through from time to time, an earnest self-examination is worthwhile.

For my money, I think LeBron James is going to snub New Jersey, Miami, New York, Los Angeles and the rest of the league and stay with Cleveland. He seems like a very loyal guy. 5 Favorite Good-Guy Pro Athletes

If you've more interest in this saga as media manipulation (and masturbation), please check out The Sports Guy Bill Simmons' take on ESPN.com.