Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Fantasy Golf: The Farmers Insurance Open Preview

After three weeks of soup and salad and whatever you want to call that part of the meal the Tour put-on in the fall,* it's time to get down to business with the crab balls and clams casino that is the Farmers Insurance Open where we have an "A" list field playing on a major caliber course. This week we welcome back the likes of Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson, Hunter Mahan, Jason Day and Bubba Watson. If you want a 50/50 shot of picking-up a first place check, then by all means burn Tiger this week because, with the exception ofFirestone Country Club and the parking lot at 12559 Highway 535 in Orlando, Tiger dominates Torey Pines like no other venue (HEYOOOOO!!!).Last year I had Nick Watney dialed-up for this event but then switched to Bubba at the last minute only to watch in horror** as Bubba pulled-out on Thursday morning with some lame illness and Watney finished tied for 4th. As it turned-out, that would set the tone for my entire failed season. So I'm avoiding Bubba this week even though he's playing fairly well and has a solid track record at the Farmers including a win in 2011. (Just thought I should let you know that it's personal with me and Bubba this week). The Farmers Favorites

It's always a good day at the FGR
when the Welkers make the Super Bowl.

Obviously that's a bit of a whiff on the top pick but I do believe that someone writing for this website who looks a lot like me told you to take a good hard look at the guys in the 2nd, 3rd and 5th spots. Is it my fault that you couldn't guess which ones? Do I have to do freakin' everything around here? Is it not enough that I do the research, write the content, occasionally proofread it and find tasteful new artwork that is at least tangentially related to the subject matter that will keep the Ukrainian readers coming back? I have to put the right guy in the top spot every week? Well excuuuuse me for not being perfect. (Sorry, but I'm still bitter about botching both NFL Conference Championship Game picks . . . Kapernick . . . ass hat).

I feel ya Jim.

The FGR PUD*** ReportHyundai: Gary Woodland - $130,000Sony: Chris Kirk - $604,800Humana: Charles Howell, III - $12,198Season Total: $746,998Email the FGR at fgr@fantasygolfreport.com.Endnotes* In this analogy, the Tour's half-assed attempt to legitimize the post Tour Championship events would be the part of the dinner where you're standing outside of an Outback Steakhouse waiting for your beeper to start buzzing so you know you're table is ready while everyone else, who you could swear got there after you, gets seated and then you approach the hostess in a manner that you think is docile and friendly but is really more like Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast and the next thing you know you're wife is pulling your arm and saying, "come on, let's just go to Five Guys and get a cheeseburger." (That's not just me right? By the way, I thought about using Applebee's for this but has anyone ever actually had to wait for a table at an Applebee's? . . . and there goes the Applebee's sponsorship).** I know "horror" might seem excessive but I'm not sure how else to describe that moment on Thursday when you scan the leaderboard for your pick and he's not there . . . he's just not f-cking there man!*** "Picked Up to Date."