Saturday, January 21, 2012

Operation Spider Karma backfires badly

This morning I found my study has been invaded by another big spider. What are the freaking odds?! Here is a blurry photo as proof, I didn't feel like getting much closer...

He knows what I did to his cousin...

So with my recent embarrassing spider encounter still fresh in my guilty conscience I decide to try a more humane way of spider disposal this time. When I was waiting at the Frankfurt airport there was this annoying ad on a loop for some kind of helpful hints website (I think. It was in German) where a little girl saves her shrieking parents from a spider by trapping it in shaving cream and taking it outside. I thought this would be perfect since I had both shaving cream and an outside! I even had a spatula! This was going to be easy! And humane! This totally wasn't going to be another story about a spider who hates me!

Riiiiiight...

Turns out the fucking Germans deceived me regarding just how easy this is. Long story short - shaving cream is everywhere except on the spider and the spider is missing!

The best laid plans of mice and men...

So right now the spider is somewhere inside this study! This super tiny study! And I don't know where! Although it's a fair guess that it's watching me with its wee beady eyes as I type this and figuring out the best way to strike at me...

What I'm saying is that if you don't hear from me in a while, tell the cops the spider did it!

I owe the Germans an apology, I did it! One spider safely trapped and humanely relocated to the garden. I even hosed off the excess shaving cream because, lets face it, I seriously need some karma points with the local spider population.

Funny you should mention that Dasia, that's pretty much exactly what happened!

So last night I'm getting ready for bed and I see that same spider (or close relative, they all look the same!) trying to climb into one of my boots. That was the last straw, I truce over! That's the thanks I get for trying to be nice? Hells no! I didn't just kill that spider, I ultra-murdered it! There will be no "SPIDER IV: The Resurrection!", I made damn sure of that!

About Me

I spent most of my life as a fundamentalist and discovered Reason much later than I would have liked. I'm still dealing with the trauma and this blog is my therapy. So this is me: non-conformist, heretic, fan of delicious flavour and a man without a home. I’m a cynical optimist and a really angry zen master. I am just a man trying to make sense of it all. This is my life in juxtaposition.