Monday, October 22, 2012

Chaucer

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“By blood and bones and belly, I’ve got a noble story I can tell 'ee.” I’ve done some thinking ye might say, and I’ve come to the conclusion that before ye need know anything of those traveling with me, ye must know something of myself. Being the strongest, and most handsome of the group (although the spirits I’m in and the spirits I’ve drunk might have more to say on that matter than would ye), I believe I’m as good of a man, if not a better one to start.

First, I am a Scot, and don’t let no man, or woman for that matter, tell you otherwise. I’ve got the strength, the hair, and the constitution to prove it! I’m “a great stout fellow big in brawn and bone. And win the ram at any wrestling show.” Why, I’ve even been known to “heave any door off hinge and post.” Some have called me “a wrangler and buffoon,” but I’ve “a store of tavern stories, filthy in the main” enough to make ye laugh and forget that I’m a drunk, and no genteel man.

In fact, I told one not a few moments ago that has that old man Oswald in a fit. As if one as “choleric and thin” as he could have a fit enough to put the sober into me. The old fart can’t even keep up! Why he rides in “the hindmost of our cavalcade.” He seemed to take great offense at my tale. He even yelled, saying “shut your trap! Give over with your drunken harlotry. It is a sin and a foolishness.” As if the drink that some say the gods gave to man could be considered a sin, the old “cuckold.”

The old man’s got some good and luck that my mate the Shipman was in the mood of telling a jolly tale, else I might have been persueded to “play my bagpipes up and down” his head! Anyhow, the Shipman, now there’s a man who can tell a good tale, “God bless my soul, he was a merry knave!” “May [he] sail the coast in safety, [that] noble skipper, [and not] get sunk.” His story, which tells a monk of all men, ready to betray and bed, warms the face with laughter. Well, it’s like I’ve always said, “shut your door against all monks!”

You ken, as much as I like a man who can tell a good story, I believe I like a woman who’s a bit deaf even better. All the easier to not have to be minding what ye say around that sex. All the better then a good man’s chances! There’s “a worthy woman from Bath city” among our caravan. She has a handsome face “red in hue,” and “she[s] had five husbands” so I ken she knows what’s she’s doing, if you know what I mean. She “like[s] to laugh and chat” and she’s deaf as a bat as is blind, and I have a secret belief that left in a room with she, a large book, and the bottle, we might have a damn good time!

Well, I’ve said enough, bring on the “Southwark ale!” And perhaps, more so than mine, a bawdier tale. I’ve no doubt the noble Knight will win our Host’s good bet. His has been the most moral tale yet. “Now dearest [professor] if thy pleasure be, in thoughts of [an A] think tenderly of me!”

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