This blog was originally titled "Indulge Yourself: Read what you want, watch what you want, and live a life that makes you happy" because that's what I write about here.
But as author Natalie J. Damschroder, aka NJ Damschroder, who writes romantic adventure and YA adventure—heart-pounding fiction with kick-ass heroes and heroines who fall in love while they save the world (or at least one small part of it), it seemed prudent to bring this blog into my author world. Thanks for visiting!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Theories Shmeories

I was reading a post on a blog recently about Choice Theory.A man had admonished the poster to just let go of all the things that make her stressed, not pick them up again, and be 100% her. That she has a choice regarding the things that stress her out.

Geez.

Okay, some of it was on the button.People tend to get very stressed about things they can’t control, and I would agree that some of them should be let go of.But the way this guy was talking, he was saying that everything you do is your choice and you need to dig deep and work hard to make the choices that don’t stress you out.

Paraphrasing quite a bit there, but that’s what I got out of it.

One of the commenters said most proponents of Choice Theory seem to be men, and another commenter said maybe that’s because men tend to focus on one thing at a time, while women focus on multiple things.

I don’t tend to like philosophies that divide men and women, because nothing’s that neat.For example, it seems to be accepted knowledge that men want to solve problems, women listen and sympathize.I am SO not good at just listening and sympathizing.I try to fix EVERY PROBLEM someone puts in front of me.And I’m also SO not a man.

But let’s adjust it to be that proponents of Choice Theory tend to focus on one detail at a time, and those who don’t like CT tend to see all the entanglements associated with the choice.

For example.

Having to rush home to pick up my kids on time, then feed them, then make sure all their homework and practice and studying and chores are done, then catching up on their days and getting them showered and ready for bed and sometimes throwing in family reading or game playing time and making sure they don’t watch too much TV and eat a balanced dinner and get enough exercise?

THAT’S what stresses me out.But most choices I could make to change that would cause other problems that would create the same, but different stress.

Like, I could leave my family.Or quit my job so I’m home sooner so that whole paragraph doesn’t have to be done in three hours.I’m sure the consequences of those choices are obvious, though they would eliminate the stress.

I can’t just up and leave those stresses.

Which makes me wonder. Does someone who gives that advice do it in an effort to really help? Or because they have a need to feel superior to the average person?