So like, oh my God. You guys? This movie? Totally sucks. A paean to consumerism in all its forms, Bratz is based on those slutty dolls people inexplicably buy for their kids. You know, the ones that look like hookers? In this live-action film directed by Disney Channel stalwart Sean McNamara, four Bratz come to shallow, materialistic life. Jade, Yasmin, Cloe, and Sasha are bff’s 4-eva until they hit high school and get sucked into the cliques run by the power-hungry principal’s daughter. She’s so evil, she’s even rigged the school talent show. How do our flighty young heroines fight back? By shopping, of course. There is no problem, it seems, a new tube top and mini-skirt can’t fix. If only that were true — I could have hit Forever 21 after the depressingly well-attended screening and shopped until my will to live came back.

REVIEW: PAUL BLART: MALL COP | January 20, 2009 If you find the sight of a grown man rolling around the mall on a Segway hilarious, this is the movie for you.

TYLER PERRY’S THE FAMILY THAT PREYS | September 17, 2008 The prolific Tyler Perry is at it again, offering subpar entertainment to audiences so starved for sustenance they’ll eat his cheese.

THE ROCKER | August 20, 2008 Rainn Wilson of The Office gets promoted to the big screen with this anemic comedy directed by The Full Monty helmer Peter Cattaneo.

KIT KITTREDGE: AN AMERICAN GIRL | July 01, 2008 Although her film has as much visual flair as an after-school special, director Patricia Rozema gives an appealing attention to period detail, and Breslin is sweet in her first starring role.

REPRISE | May 21, 2008 Trier captures the moment when the recklessness of youth gives way to adult responsibilities, and the way childhood friendships can fall apart when different paths are taken.