I'm looking for funny ways the Titanic could sink and amusing things that could happen.

Story is at present that Murmur - old school demon who is chronically depressed - goes on the Titantic to chill out and relax. Unfortunately Mr Jonathan Blackaby, Habib & The EVERAWESOME Beast of Gevaudan are also on board.

THEN, SHINNANEGANS HAPPEN

Please help. I'm on page four and FUCKED now I have to come up with something like plot.

We've always been told it was an iceburg that put a whole in the side of the ship but... ...um... ...damn, how would they put a hole in the ship.?

Maybe they could just steer it wrong, get the captain drunk. Try to get the ship to go to Rio or Cancun instead (you know, for spring break, 1912 style) but hold the map upside down so... ...eh, that's stupid.

Roland or someone HAS to be the one who convinced the cruise line to only stock enough lifeboats for about half the cruise.

Wolf eats a Leonardo DiCaprio look alike, in a very very very messy and bloody way.

Oh, and habib steals molly brown's bloomers, that's why she has to go back so many times to look for them.

Pg1
//"But I'm just so depressed, Zeke- if I could only speak to him and explain my situation- I don't feel cut out for this type of work-" Blackaby, possibly in some kind of feminist protesty gear, you know. Suffragettesque. Ezekiel: "Look, I'll give it a go."//
//Ezekiel on the phone: "Daddy, I've got Johnny Blackaby here from Plotting & Planning and he wants to see you." Satan: "Is it urgent?"//
//Ezekiel looks at Blackaby. "From a fashion perspective, I suppose...//
//Satan: "Son, I'm the ruler of Hell. I'm locked in constant battle with our corporate nemesis in Heaven. I can't always be there to sort out the little problems of my employees. Just give the guy some complimentary company tickets and get him to shove off."//
//Satan hangs up. Uvayah is watching, they are playing golf. Uvayah: "Locked in a constant battle against your poor putting, I'd say." Satan: "I have a sore wrist."//
//Ezekiel: "Daddy says I'm to give you more tickets. Fancy some Wagner this time?" Blackaby: "Actually, my dog has been asking me about a cruise..."//

Pg 2
//Pictures of the titanic. (Date, place) (The famous Titanic is about to begin its maiden voyage to America(?)) People etc. Signs saying ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE THIS BOAT WILL SINK. and OMFG NO SINKING HERE SIR! and such things. Maybe street criers doing it.//
//(By the way, it sinks.) And you know the beginning of Titanic when fatarse Winslet gets out of the carriage with her hat. So you see her hat.//
//Then looks up and it's Habib. HAHA SHOCK HORROR//
//Blackaby, getting out behind him, looking kind of po'd: "Habib - there was nothing on the tickets that said we had to pretend to be a couple..." Habib: "You want people to think we're living in sin?"//
//Blackaby face palms. Habib is, "Oo look, sailors!" Wolf is just sniggering.//

Okay up to page 2...

I don't know if I'm going to have Habib have a love affair or Wolf. More likely Wolf. The conclusion and storyline would be the same in either case. No idea what Blackaby and Habib/Wolf would be doing in the meantime though.

Maybe there could be a dinosaur/caveman/monster/demon/Oliver Cromwell/whatever frozen in the iceberg that sinks the Titanic and this somehow ties everything together? Wolf and/or Habib, using binoculars, spy the delicious thing they wish to mate with inside the iceberg and start a mutiny to sezie the control room to steer the ship - - only to then get bored/distracted/drunk, forget about the new heading of the ship and et voila shipwreck.

coming from an american perspective, i think it'd be delightfully satirical to have the story center around an al-qaeda plot to sink the titanic. it's both ridiculous, distasteful, and a clever response to america's political atmosphere in which every unfortunate event that does or doesn't happen is blamed on these omnipresent boogeymen.

how could the blackaby crew fit into this scenario in a comical way? enter the leader of the terrorist group, a rugged + handsome fellow, who happens to catch habib's fancy. blackaby and the beast would be relaxing but eventually wonder where habib is. then they could find him as a member of the terrorists, completely oblivious to what he's taking part in but just doing it to get close to the good-looking (and perhaps foppish) terrorist leader.

so blackaby, annoyed at habib's idiocy and at the terrorists for disrupting his tranquil vacation, has a LONG and goofy monologue (although i'm exceptional partial to monologues =x) after which the terrorist leader decides that the trio are covert secret agents (which breaks habib's heart t.t) and the terrorists throw them off the boat into the icy waters.

the three (blackaby, habib, and beast (i dunno how to write beast )) are floating in the cold water but habib embarassingly takes out an inflateable male blow-up doll out of somewhere as a solution and they blow it up and float on it (i think using a blow-up doll as a floating device is funny n_n). so then habib suddenly gets his crush on blackaby again somehow and habib talks about how foolish he was for joining the terrorists and he makes some complaints about how the leader is weird + distasteful or something. and then suddenly, in the background, a blazing UFO crashes into the Titanic and blows it up.

then the three make some indifferent closing comments and it's done.

^ i just streamed all of it but maybe some of it will give you ideas for stuff o_O

"Seems like the only comics that would be good to this person are super action crazy lines, mega poses!"

Not sure though if I'm going to put in terrorism/political events into the story. I'm going pretty straight-line with blackaby - basically avoiding all major issues. :| I already have gotten shit for having an Iraqi vampire and I'm not terribly into picking up more readers who want to misinterpret me.

feeling that something horrible is going to happen."//
//Habib: "You always have a feeling that something

horrible is going to happen." Blackaby: "And I'm always

right!"//
//Blackaby: "It's happened ever since I was hatched. No matter what I do, horrible things occur wherever I go. Wars. Plagues. Tragedies. And I can't seem to stop it..."//
//Blackaby is going on: "All I ever wanted in life was to be normal... and possibly work in retail... and play contact sports on the weekends-" Panel is of Habib and Wolf having to listen to this - Habib is making a little talking motion with his hand like yap yap yap and Wolf is rolling her eyes.//
//Blackaby, getting a little dreamy: "And I'd really like to have one of those little sports cars with a horn that makes an amusing noise and those fluffy dice, I definitely like fluffy dice-"//
//Blackaby stops, looks around. "...Habib? Beast? Where are you?"//
//(Elsewhere...) Habib propositioning a nice sailor boy. "Hello, kind sailor - would you be able to direct me to the captain's room? / Hee hee, I meant, would you be able to ravage me in the captain's room?"//

Pg 4
//(And another tale of unlikely romance is unfolding elsewhere on board the Titanic-) Wolf meeting Jack a la Leonardo DiCaprio. He may say, "My lady?" Wolf: "Rewr."//
//Wolf and Jack dancing with poor people.//
//Jack painting Wolf in the nip.//
//Wolf and Jack playing cards in a kind of hahaha back

to those dogs playing poker pictures. Wolf will

obviously be in dog form for this one.//
//One hand on the door of that car thing, you know a

sex scene ish, like in Titanic.//
//That I'M KING OF THE WORLD SCENE except Wolf is

howling like well a wolf.//

Pg 5
//Blackaby sitting at his table alone. Window behind

him. Iceberg can be seen in it distantly. Blackaby

drinks from his glass.//
//Blackaby: "Ew. Haven't you people ever heard of ice?"

almost beginning to relax..."//
//Titanic getting whacked by Iceberg.//
//Blackaby: "Oh, you have got to be kidding me."//

Pg 7
//(As the ship begins to flood, the passengers and crew

of the Titanic realise they are doomed) Doomed

people.//
//(But their screams for heavenly assistance come to no

avail) Satan and Uvayah are sitting at home, watching

the tv. Uvayah is likely smoking a joint. Satan, holding out the phone: "It's for you, Uvayah - Maudiah from the Heavenly Hostess division wants you to divinely intervene on this shipping disaster-" Uvayah: "What, and miss Eastenders? Tell her I'm, you know, busy. Doing important stuff."//
//Satan on phone: "Uvayah can't come to the phone right

Blackaby. Let me go, save yourself. But before I fall to my death, grant me a final wish - one last sweet kis-" Blackaby, annoyed: "Habib, you can fly."//
//Habib, unimpressed: "Oh, yeah."//
//They kind of fly out, Blackaby can't fly so I guess Habib will be holding him. Blackaby: "Now where the heck is my dog?"//
//In the middle of the water, Jack and Wolf is on this piece of floating wood or whatever. Jack is holding on like in the movie.//
//Jack, bravely: "Hold on, my love, and we'll survive. You're so beautiful. I love you so much."//
//Wolf: "I'm kinda hungry." Jack: "My love, if we wait until we're rescued, I promise I'll make you the most lovely dinner-" Wolf: "I'm hungry NOW."//
//From a distance - with Blackaby and Habib overhead, screams from the ocean. "My love... what are you doing... WHY ARE YOU EATING MY FACE... ARGGGGHHH..."

Pg 9
Final picture is them all on the board. Habib looking utterly wrecked, half passed out, Blackaby is just bored and Wolf is in dog form pushing hte board along. Blackaby: "Next time, we're going camping."

You may wanna expand on the living in sin joke, and have Blackaby point out that he's a demon who lives in hell and that Habib is a damned soul and that they are in fact already living in sin. I don't know quite how on the ball our readers are.

Right, how strict is the width 500px rule? Because I feel mine is looking a tad squished. I'm just venturing out here cuz I couldn't help noticing Wish and Billy breaking the rule like the dastardly rogues that they are.

EDIT: On reflection, it's not that bad. But the question still stands.

Joy Division - Love will tear us apart
David Bowie - John, i'm only dancing
A Flock of Seagulls - I Ran
Jethro Tull - Aqualung
Animals - We've got to get out of this place.
Police - Message in a bottle
Dinah Washington - Cry Me a River (But to the more upbeat Joe Cocker version)

I seem to have mixed some downright bad puns into my selections of Irony.
Oh well, i'm still good at making pancakes.