A1: Run? On what? Your legs, ankles, feet and hips are adapted for swinging in trees. You can hold on with your arms and eat with your feet but that knuckle walking isn’t going to get anywhere quickly.

A1: You go out there on the grass and the only thing that will be eaten is YOU.

A2: I’ll take my chances on the ground. It’s better than starving to death with a bunch of chumps like you.

The second ape jumps to the ground and is promptly eaten by a tiger. The first ape jumps out of the tree, runs around the tiger and says

A2: Who is the chump now?

The first ape happens to have funky hips that let him run a little faster. He makes it to the other trees and finds 72 female apes, who feed him fruit and have sex with him all day long. He lives like a king and has 350 children and 800 grandchildren. They inherit his funky fast-running hips. Some of their offspring have funky ankles that enable them to run even faster.

They never forget about the chumps who stayed in the trees. Millions of years later, they invent National Geographic and TiVo and make movies of their cousins the chumps (now called “chimps” to be PC) eating ants off sticks and with their naked butts up in the air.