Terror gripped me. I'd been debagged by Harry Styles in front of 18,000 people armed with camera phones

MONDAY, MAY 26

My relationship with One Direction can best be described as ‘fractious’
ever since they urged millions of their fans on Twitter to get the
hashtag #piersmorganissmelly trending worldwide for a whole day.

Things are similarly tense between me and Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger –
though that has nothing to do with him questioning my body hygiene,
and everything to do with what I perceive to be a large dip in his
abilities through the past decade.

Niall Horan was behind the football match. He wanted to raise money for a charity called Irish Autism by hosting a match at Leicester City's stadium

So the chance to manage a football team against One Direction seemed a
perfect chance to kill two birds with one massive boulder: shut those
cheeky scamps up for good AND prove I actually do know something about
running a football team.

Niall Horan was behind the idea. He wanted to raise money for a charity
called Irish Autism by hosting a match at Leicester City’s stadium.

But he turned out to be just as competitive as me.

‘Piers,’ he emailed during the player recruitment process, ‘if Paul
Merson plays, he’s with me. You can f*** off, it’s my game!’

I arrived in the dressing room to find a manager’s tracksuit with ‘PM’
on the label.

Within minutes my team began to assemble, led by my
captain Robbie Savage. ‘All right, Gaffer!’ he bellowed.

We had former internationals Dean Holdsworth, Jason McAteer and John
Aldridge – and celebrity players Shayne Ward, Keith Duffy and Michael
Vaughan.