Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a little – but it was a little weird. Especially during fashion week.

So many people, so much stuff to see, so much stuff I’m missing as I’m with you right now… Should I have gone to that party or the other party? And wait, what? Why wasn’t I invited to that other one Derek is posting about?

Why aren’t I seated right across from David Beckham and Harper Beckham* at Victoria Beckham’s show? So like, really important super beckxistential questions.

We call this FOMO. Fear Of Missing out.

Ohhhh Fomo, you’re such a bitch.

It’s like you constantly feel like there’s something better you should be doing that’s just happening somewhere you’re not. You definitely saw it on the Great 2013 Vacations Instagraming Competition this summer. Who had the best vacation? It’s a little like the 70s when our parents would all show off their vacation photos and/or how it was super important to come back really tan so everyone would know how much fun you had.

Should I have gone to Greece, too? Will it already be too late to go next summer? Damn… I forgot to take a picture of my cocktail before I finished drinking it. Did I just ruin my vacation?

I mean, we all do that. We show the good parts, hide the not so good. I mean, everyone talks to me about my sublime trip to Bali, but in truth, just like every trip, there are amazing moments and totally dull moments.

I just didn’t linger on the so-so moments too long. Okay, maybe a little bit, but still.

But so, I started getting used to seeing this rose-tinted version of everything happening around me. I finally learned how to filter (no pun intended) and use Instagram to see pretty pictures, for sure, but also to know what’s going on around me.

It’s an open window into the lives of others and shows me everything that’s going on when I’m not there. It’s like a brilliant gift of ubiquity. I can be in more than one place at a time through the eyes of others.

I get to see things I never would have seen otherwise, like what life looks like through the eyes of a magazine editor or a runway model, for example. Totally different points of view. It’s like an augmented reality, really. Just think, soon we’ll all have Google Glass and be live-stream-agramming our entire lives!

[(Yeah, that’s definitely where we’re going. Private life is already a concept of the past. We really have no idea just how much info we’re putting out there about ourselves via social media. When you start to think about it, it’s pretty crazy.)(I mean, anyone can know where you are at any given moment!)(I have a friend who can literally track anyone down anywhere within 10 minutes just because of social media.)(Argh)(Even me! She’s tracked me! “How come you didn’t bring me to that party last night!” “I only had one invite! But wait, how’d you know I was there?” “You were tagged all over the place, lady!”)(Makes me a little paranoid)(#weirdfriend #butsupernice #everyonehastheirthing)]

So quick, in the near future, we’ll be able to live multiple lives at the same time.

I know, I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. But you know, I’m a big sci-fi fan. Nothing can stop me.

So all this is to say that my FOMO has become NOFOMO. I can’t make it to the party? No worries, I’ll check the hashtag and see everything going down in real time. Not too long ago, I was running late to an event and all I had to do was check Twitter to know that I was totally good; nothing had started yet. Everyone was late right with me.

I let people show me what’s going on in their lives and I take from it what I want. It’s better than freaking out, I guess… But I’m wondering, how do you navigate all this?

I have to confess that this week I’ve been connected more time than usual on social media to follow the NYFW … and it’s something that I love it!! But normally, I just try to find a few moments a day to connect and enjoy and don’t let FOMO wins me!!http://heelsandpeplum.wordpress.com/

I was just talking about this, I actually the exact opposite. I’m one of those people that thinks that another opportunity will always present itself. While I’m into instagram, well I’m a fashion blogger it’s a great way to give readers a peak into my life but I do keep it to a minimum. But I say keep posting pics but don’t take it seriously, you know that people have a tendency to embellish things on social media. I remember not being invited to a designer preview during swim week in Miami and I was just lusting over the pics on instagram and when I met with my blogger friends they all complained about how bad the preview was but they were all posting pretty pics on IG.

Well, it’s totally crazy when you think about it. I started to really be careful with what I put online, pictures from vacations or a night out rarely make it to facebook anymore. When I see how much some of my friends share, it’s scary, I like some privacy, I don’t want people knowing what I am doing all the time, and when I put something on twitter or facebook it is because it is something I want to share for a reason. That way I feel much more in control, and I’m not afraid of missing out on something, I’m happy with what I do and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on super important stuff that is happening elsewhere.

You’ve touched on something I’ve noticed for quite a while now. All of social media can be seen as one big tool for bragging: how good you look, where you traveled to, how amazing your partner is, etc. Many people get stuck in this vortex of wanting someone else’s life. We all have to remind ourselves to use social media as inspiration only.http://liveitinerantly.com

You’re french! Do not care at all. I call it being a Social Ostrich, everyone looking at their phones and really missing out the real stuff for that I recommend from time to time a social detox every other random week. It’s LE COOL being mysterious….

Great post! I think it’s far too easy to start feeling “competitive” about instagram, so when I felt that happening I made sure to follow people whose posts made me happy, and inserted a little dose of reality into that filtered world :)

in the past everyone lived in tiny villages and knew everything about everyone else and “shared” the same visual impulses all the time… social media is our way of bringing that connection back in a time of alienation and physical separation and mobility. we are wired to grow into those small town little old ladies who look out their curtains and notice everything!!

You really hit home with this post – I have been grappling with FOMO for a while now and have found I need to press pause on social media (and frankly, a lot of style bloggers) as it’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy – “I should be going out more”, “I should have posted a picture of that…”, “I need that same Clare Vivier cluth” (that 30 bloggers all have…), “is there something wrong with me because I don’t wear the Valentino studded pumps to school when I drop off my kids???”

For me, it’s about really engaging with people, and keeping social media in the same bucket as flipping through an In Style Magazine or getting a pedicure – it’s a fun indulgence that’s great but not something I need every day!

You know, I do the same thing as you in this resepct. I work in music PR, so I take regular trips with artists and bands, going abroad for interviews and shoots and getting to know them, go to parties with them, everything. It’s a fantastic job, but it’s hard to go back home and be completely happy with your life when you get a constant feed of those artists still on tour and doing all the amazing stuff. It makes me want to be there, and makes me less happy with my home set up. It makes my apartment seem boring, my friends, my office, my boyfriend, it’s all not as good as touring with an artist and living in a responsibility-free environment. Their devil-may-care attitude rubs off a little too much on me. But it’s very unrealistic. I need to be a voyeur, and stop being so emotionally connected with it. Perhaps I need to stop looking at the likes of Instagram and Snapchat so hard and getting FOMO syndrome. God damn you instagram! But thanks for making me aware of this. You’re totally right, it’s not healthy.

Well now we know what makes Anna take off her shades and smile. How sweet! And doesn’t David look spectacular (as always) with his adorable little girl on his lap?!

I know I’ve always been in the right place when there was also another place to be because I put myself there! Why disqualify my inner knowing and navigational system? It just feels too awful to do it, so I don’t.

#weirdfriend #butsupernice #everyonehastheirthing – LOL, Garance! I get everything you”re saying – i feel the same way! Sometimes before I go to bed, I HAVE TO check my instagram for the last time of that day, and I realized few times that while scrolling down the photos, I am getting really nervous, disgusted, bored and the only thing I want to do is go to sleep! My looking at the instagram photos is just one big FOMO!

Oh Garance….I do enjoy your posts! Your words resonate with me. I’ve “experimented” with being “above it all” and doing no Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Then, I started my blog, and I went overboard the other way! (I’m in the process of weeding out all of the “feeds” that I just delete!). Looking constantly for that “just right balance” and not getting sucked into it all. After all, I’m just a working mom, living nowhere fancy. :)

oh, the problems of the popular and the fashionable.
It’s a good thing your followers love you for your unique voice and sense of humor.
In a world of mass consumption – physically and mentally, i think to know everything and be everywhere is actually blah – there is no point of view anymore. I want to surround myself with things that speaks to me on a more personal and intimate level.

I’ve always love your blog because of your unique pov and people in fashion that big/popular fashion editorial never did.

Oh, well, I don’t have FOMO because I know I’m missing everything so… no worries! I livein a tiny town, so the world outside is just the outer space to me.
I’m addicted to Instagram and the wonderful side of life. Yes, everything is gorgeous there and people are perfect. They eat huge meals but they are super skinny, they travel a lot, they don’t have a single worry… And you know what? That’s what I want to see when I go out from work. I just want happy people and fun and beautiful things. I know that’s not the real life, and most of the things I see are not true, but I don’t care.
I read the newspaper and see that there is another war about to start a few miles from my home, I see illness around me, people loosing their jobs, I hit the gym 4 times a week and don’t loose a pound (yeah, I’ve written that in the same sentence where I talk about war)… Life sucks sometimes, so I love that virtual place where everything is perfect, fun and beautiful!
xx,
E.http://www.theslowpace.com

I was way into my twenties when the internet was born, I still remember my first steps and setting up an email account. I use instagram and I love it, it’s really a cool media and I’m on facebook, but I somehow never use my twitter…. Most of my really close friend don’t even have a facebook account, crazy hey?! … and they have no clue what instagram is, many of them even call me crazy to share parts of my life with complete strangers out there. I think the fashion week monster could get me, but the fear of missing out monster somehow has no power over me, I guess I’m to old or maybe it’s really because my close friends are no internet people at all. xxx

I experienced FOMO when I first signed up with Twitter and Facebook years ago. Then I realized…. there will ALWAYS be another event/photo/party/gathering and that it is simply impossible to keep up with everything that is happening in social media.

So now I happily log into twitter or instagram on occasion, enjoy the pretty pictures and funny anecdotes and then log off.

It’s such fun to glimpse other people’s pretty lives!

I’m not in NYC but I can see how you could use Twitter to find out that if you were running late, it’s still okay. Great idea to use twitter for what you need it for.

When you find yourself flitted about by one gust or another it’s important to be able to see earth and reconnect. Otherwise you’re like a little balloon lost in the wind. At one time FOMO nearly ruined my life, I admit. FOMO was the fear of my disappearance. FOMO can lead to bad decisions and bad people. But now social media has gotten to the point that any one event can be seen as almost irrelevant in the vast scope of things. That realization returns you to your own life, which may include a family, a dog or a garden–but mostly one’s work. If you do good work, you’re guaranteed not to disappear.

Maybe, when one experiences FOMO, it means that you are somewhere that doesn’t capture your full attention and engagement. For instance, when I’m with my besties or my man (or even a really good book), all FOMO disappears. No better feeling than that of loving who you are with and what you are doing.

I have had a little FOMO as I am not currently in NYC and I am going through some serious New York withdrawal…!!!

On the upside I am “home home” in beautiful Vancouver, enjoying the tail end of summer and the true beauty and nature that surrounds me here! Love, love it all! I am re-learning how to just be, relax, sleep in … in serene silence and do little to nothing (this is was an adjustment— living in NY has made me always have something to do, even when I am doing “nothing” like watching a film at home with the sound of the city in the background).

On the flip side, I have missed out of some truly killer parties back in my New York home… weekends in the Hampton’s, Montauk, an amazing Gatsby themed birthday weekend party in the Hampton’s…!!! Sigh’ as I watched all my friends insta photos of them having a craft afternoon the day before in the Hampton’s making their bejewelled head pieces and such and alllllll the surf pics at ditch beach! Oh well, that is OK, because firstly I am happy they had a great time and secondly there will ALWAYS be another great party to attend or amazing weekend in NYC! Always, always, always!!!

And just like NYFW… there will be more fashion weeks too! Yes, I am a little jelly and sad to be missing out on the fashionable action this season, as I watch my friends at the shows, back stage, the after parties and the afta afta parties… bla bla bla… But this too will happen next season and I will have my chance to be back in the swing of things also!

The reason for my absence… work visa – getting sorted- never ending process…!

And on that note, I thank you Garance for delighting me every morning and afternoon with the beautiful findings and glam of NYFW!

Well, when you’ve already missed out on a lot because of work or other commitments, you lose the fear of FOMO. I just focus on, and be present in, what I am actually doing at any given moment rather than worry about what I am missing — or else you miss out on what you are actually doing and the people you are actually with.

I’m right there with you. I mean, if we’re being honest here, I would have d.i.e.d. to be sitting facing the Becks and Anna. Like really. But, since I wasn’t, I too was ‘double-clicking’ ‘liking’ every photo of them. As if I too were there experiencing each angle. I love social media and the more pictures the better. Post away little crazy fashionistas.

Hello Garance- I’d recommend taking a look at Elias Aboujaoude’s book “Virtually You” (full disclosure that I haven’t finished it yet, but am currently reading it and loving it)… it touches upon many of the issues that you bring up in this post. It’s not anti-Internet but cautionary, written by a psychiatrist and really informative on how our new e-lives can make us crazy! But Garance, by using your true voice and being totally non-pretentious, you counter some of this darkness, and that is just one reason so many of us enjoy your blog. Keep it up and thank you!

I think I’ve read about a study where psychologists found that the more people checked their Facebook, the more depressed they were about their own lives- like you said, everyone highlights the good and it makes you feel like you’re not living up, not doing it right (someone, please, tell me how there is a right way to live, anyway…) I’m not a big sharer of my personal life, my tweets and posts are usually professionally oriented, but all it takes is one meeting with a friend you haven’t seen in years, but still feel “connected” to because of SM, and you realize how far off you are. People are too complicated for short sentences to tell about their lives, and that’s why they save it for only the impressive, good stuff, the rest is still what bars, caves and living room couches are for (and why we still need good books, movies, and art to figure out what being alive is all about.)

I think New York City makes you have a larger FOMO that other places. It is NYC’s currency…what did you do last weekend?….where were you last night? Who was teaching yoga?….blah, blah….

My husband and I did lots of fun stuff when we were younger and had terrible FOMO when we had our kids….now that I’m older (and not living in NYC!) I realize that every party…is just a party. Every restaurant? Just dinner… Most are pretty meh. We’ve come to appreciate anything or anyone “done well.” Best party? Where our friend set 8 motley tables, handprinted each dinner menu and had killer wine! Best restaurant? Many — most recently, a new place we passed by at 6:30 (way too early for dinner!) was so warmly welcomed we stayed at the bar chatting with the chef for 2 hours THEN had dinner. Best moment? Watching our son take his first girlfriends hand as they were walking in front of us…would have missed it, if we’d been somewhere else.

I have opted not to even bother with all that stuff because it was making me crazy! Once in awhile I check my twitter follows and read what others are thinking/doing, or look at instagram, but there is just so much stuff to be a part of in our incredibly instant life that you can really go nuts. Your Scott took some beautiful pictures that he posted on his instagram (I peeked), but I wondered “I’m in Montauk (go every summer for years), why didn’t he notice me and take my picture in my Norma Kamali retro 2 piece?” Definitely FOMO. If you have an addictive personality, you can become obsessed with all this so I choose not to. I guess if I was in your industry (I’m just an outsider looking in) I might feel differently. The feeling that I get from reading about fashion people is that EVERYONE has FOMO. Must have the newest, latest, hottest clothes, bag, shoes, friends, etc. That’s what the fashion biz thrives on, no?

I hear you! I think about this topic A LOT. My man and I took a technology-free (no phones) vacation in Arizona in August, which coincided with reading Amanda Brooks’ article in July’s British VOGUE, and something about that combination- and the freedom of the open road, and the sight of people everywhere (EVERYWHERE) looking at phones or computers was all I needed to know that the best way to approach the idea of mass technology is with awareness. Awareness that often what it physically takes to be immersed in technology is to be sitting down- not necessarily optimal. Awareness that life has the potential to be really full, and technology is only a percentage of that fullness. Most importantly (in my opinion), that just because something is deemed normal (facebook), or expected (instagramming everything), it is up to us to answer to our own internal gauge of what makes for a life well lived.

Garance,
What I love about your blog is this… Even though above you are referencing fashion, fashion week and parties your words relate to so many other areas. How many times do we get obsessed with “I wish I had done that, why wasn’t I invite? They look like there having more fun. Why didn’t I go into that career? I wish I were her/him.” The awesome thing about you and your words are that you 1)put it out there that everyone is feeling that and 2) bring us (me) back to reality. Appreciate what I’m doing. Find the passion in what I’m doing. And above all “STOP OBSESSING ON WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING TO DO”.

As always another brilliant and touching post. Can’t wait for the book.

Dating a total luddite has it’s perks. I have learned to just enjoy the present, and how to get away from the crowd—-the cyber circus—- My new favorite spot is underneath a super shady tree in Central Park.

Very spot on post :)
And the FOMO-concept I can very much relate to – to a point where it really drove me nuts.
That’s why I decided to shrink it in a bit by deleting my FB. Because I really didn’t care what the majority of those 450 “friends” were up to. And the ones I did care about I would see/text/phone/mail with anyway. It feels good!
Because it takes some strength to navigate through that stuff and not let it affect you (or only in a good way). I couldn’t and took the easy way out ;)

seems to me there are two different kinds of people… those who are perfectly happy spending tons of time on social media and those who are feeling… i don’t know… not so comfortable with it.. i fall into the second category. for me it sometimes feels like eating too much candy… or i feel overwhelmed and drained… after checking instagram and facebook. like so many things in life it is important to find some balance with it and this is what i am struggling with now. someone here said… “get on with your life!” and that occurs to me all the time… how can one be truly present and “in” their life when everything needs to be documented and or photographed?
and as many people have already said… i really really appreciate your honesty and openness garance!
and that is why i keep coming back to your site… so refreshing! and i never feel bad afterwards!
thank you!

I totally understand you!!! Sometimes I am so frustrated of seeing so much tweets and pictures on Instagram that I cannot follow them all!!! It’s a full time job!!! This happens also with clothes… I see so many things I like that I would buy them all but I can’t, I have to choose and after choosing I often get the feeling I didnt make the best choice …
I’m starting my “career” as fashion blogger and I did not think it would be so difficult!!!

ahhhhh! Life is a lot like high school or maybe social media has reverted us to thinking like high schoolers. We just need to pick out the good in it all the exposure. It is easier than ever to meet and find people who have common interests, get help with a problem…which reminds me…I need a new archival printer…any suggestions?
I think the trick is to remember than we are grown ups now, we are aren’t we..? And use our powers for good and not for evvvvil!

I totally relate to this… in fact so much so that during major events such as Fashion Week I don’t check my instagram at all… I found that nothing is good enough… even if I went to the show, then I wonder why I am not sitting there, or how come I didn’t see ADR posing next to the flowers for the perfect shot… so I just stopped. It helps a lot!!!

think you shouldn’t care and just focus on the event/show ure going to because it’ll probably still be fun and you’ll be able to catch up with friends from the industry or meet more talented people. moreover, many would kill to be in your position to be able to attend such events. sharing it on social media gives them the opportunity to take a look inside parties where it’s more exclusive. i guess it’s all about being contented with what you have and live in the moment.

Of course people always love to show their fabulous side of life to others, but you are right, everyone just needs to keep in mind that most of the things appear in social media is rose tinted version!