fairy tales

So while I respect those who want to change their own flat tires and pump their own gas, I want to do none of these things. That’s one reason why I got married. I suppose it’s unfortunate then that my naive self didn’t realize Ali would stop being a gentleman a mere six months after we got married.

Anyway, my point is that I have no problem falling into gender roles when it’s convenient for me. And yet…I get all riled up every time Maya asks me to read her a fairy tale.

I mean really Cinderella? I’d love to read a sequel to see where you and your handsome prince are now that you’re trying to afford a couple of sniveling kids in a crappy economy. And to the Princess in The Princess and the Pea? How can you be on board with a man who allows his mom to throw sneaky tests your way to see if you’re worthy of her son?

Anyway, you’re probably thinking, “These are classics Ameena! Kids are just supposed to enjoy them with the belief they aren’t reality.” Maybe you’re right. But can a 7-year-old girl differentiate between a fairy tale and reality? Can she understand that she should rely on her brains and not just her looks?

I’m not sure. But I’m not taking any chances.

So the fairy tales that somehow make their way into Maya’s room are going to continue to mysteriously disappear and will be replaced with books based on characters who aren’t completely reliant on a man who wants to save them because they’re pretty. Because my pretty kid is way too smart for any man to rescue her.

And a final word to the Princess from The Princess and the Pea: Your shady MIL sounds like a real b@#$h. If I were you I would run away. Far, far away…

Maya looks very pretty in that 2nd photograph. You know what? Even I would like to read a sequel of cinderella. But then fairy tales are at the end of the day fairy tales. We all learn to grow out of them and I am sure Maya will too 🙂

Those fairytails are not happy ones look closer and you will see that snow whites wicked step mom tried to kill her. Rapunzel was locked in a tower for so long. Sleeping beauty was put to sleep and woke up to a new century and cinders lost her shoe, surprised she never broke her neck running.

These stories are all dark n evil n twisted. I agree get rid of them. What’s surprising is here in the uk these stories aren’t so popular anymore. My niece was asking me about a few the other day. She’s 12 and doesn’t know who goldilocks is.

Hahaha Disney is the reason why I had such false expectations of wanting my hair to look perfect all time! Besides enforcing gender stereotypes,have you noticed the sexual innuendos in so many Disney cartoons? I remember there is one scene in Aladin where the Genie falls to the ground and dust gathers in the air- if you look closely, the word “Sex” is written within the dust!

Is Maya into Bernstein Bears? I loved those books as a kid and if I remember correctly, the kids are fairly obedient and are all out to achieve good grades and make their parents proud! Another favorite was Curious George, but again that could possibly lead her to false expectations of talking pets!

Didn’t you read a lot of fairy tales in your childhood too, my dear? You seem to know that they are JUST fairy tales as you grow up, don’t you? Maya will too. No need to worry about her, she is a smart kid and nothing can fool her:D

Love this post. The older I get (into my mid twenties) — the more I despise fairy tales and the stories that I enjoyed as a little girl. They seriously send the most insane messages to young girls. I’d be kidding if I didn’t want to be like those Princesses when I was younger…but, seriously — why are they still around??

I completely agree with you, Ameena. Burn them, by all means. I know that we grow up and realize they’re just fantasy, but I remember wanting to be like those princesses when I was young – always thin, pretty with dense hair and worst of all, very delicate and fragile beings, who can’t stand up to anyone or anything. And yep, hate the MIL in the ridiculous princess-pea story.

Ha! Pretty soon you’ll be having her read Jane Austen! I guess I missed that class in childhood where girls are supposed to be princesses. Though, I did want to be queen of the universe so I could tell people what to do…

I don’t think you have too much to worry about. I grew up loving fairy tales AND Bollywood movies – lethal combo – and I’m doing ok. I think as long as you supplement her reading with your own words of advice and guidance, Maya will be a strong, beautiful, loving woman.

Ha! While I understand where you’re coming, the fairytales probably won’t cause too much harm. I grew up loving all of those stories and the Disney permutations and I think I turned out half-way-decent!

You could always read her the original Brothers Grimm tales – they are scary! But then you’d have to stay up with her all night long. Or Hans Christian Andersen’s stories? Those are also sad and will give her a tragic appreciation for life.

Ok, so I’ve been reading your blog since you started it. You are hilarious! I have a 2 year old son and a 5 month old daughter and I can see me already being all “don’t call her beautiful, she’s going to be smart too…” anyways. just wanted to comment that you need to keep writing 🙂 Too funny!

I think fairy tail stories are a covert operation of the dark forces, who actually encourage the child to stay distant from reality for a long time, and slow down their brains to identify crap from reality.

Unfortunately – nurseries and schools are totally filled with this crap which pretty much stays with the kids into teens, and in some cases in to adulthood, until they find themselves in a room 23 hours a day.

This post is hilarious and I think it’s time, someone caught up with these fairy tails and wrote an updated version sharing with everyone exactly where these characters are. I know Cinderella got run over by a train in West Yorkshire near to where I live.

I don’t want to do man stuff like change tires or take out the trash either….yet I am fiercely independent. Go figure. It’s a balance. With you as Maya’s mom there is no chance she’ll be a damsel in distress no matter how many fairy tale books she reads. BTW-thanks for that sweet comment on my Flaws post. While I’m at it thanks for all your comments on my posts!

hahaha I’ve looked back at some of those fairy tales and it’s kind of amazing. I never thought about the mother in law, but the princess from the Princess and the Pea sounds awfully high maintenance. And Little Red Riding Hood? She’s kind of dumb.
Also, I’m all about pulling out the “but I’m a girl” card whenever I can. I’m fully independent, and can do most things for myself just fine, but why would I if I don’t have to?

Ameena – your kid is stunning! that’s why I thought you should have 1 more. 🙂 I know I have none so I don’t know any better.

regarding this – yeah, i think fairytales, pretty woman type movies, bollywood movies have screwed women up. it’s just the fairytale that a man will rescue you and you’ll have this happily ever after life, but life doesn’t turn out that way no matter who you marry. A 7 year old can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, and I don’t think I could either at the age of 18, 21, 25. Women just live in a fantasy world until they get married.

Ha Ha. Your post reminded me of another friend’s status message. Went searching for it, here’s it is – you might like reading this:

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents?
1. Tarzan lives half naked
2. Cinderella comes back home at midnight
3. Pinocchio lies all the time
4. Aladdin is the king of thieves
5. Batman drives at 320 Km/hr
6. Sleeping beauty is lazy
7. Snow white lives with 7 guys
So we shouldn’t be surprised when kids misbehave! They get it from their story books.

Do you believe in puttingkala teeka to avoid nazar lagna? Please put one behind Maya’s ear … looks like a princess from a fairy tale herself! Besides these stories, I also never understood why little kids are told to memorize poems “Twinkle” / “Hot Cross Buns” / “Miss Muffet” etc than other important stuff – what good does it do?!

I will one up your damsel in distress and tell you that I have thrown out the “I have a bad back”…which I do…but it does get me out of family functions with my mullet sporting mother in law.
Yea she has a mullet. And wears sweaters with puffy plastic appliques on them.

Yes, this could pose a problem and it does, I’m sure. We are so lucky to be women today. Lucky is really an understatement. We are blessed beyond measure, while some women feel like some things still aren’t perfect for them, I know women are at a great moment in history.

Last night my husband and I were watching a show from the BBC network and basically this young man’s father had died while he’s at Oxford, the setting is in early 1900’s. As he’s talking with one of his buddies from Oxford he’s lamenting about the lack of money his dad leaves him and says, “what’s the good of having a big house when you can’t fill it with female maids to lie with.” For some reason it struck me more than usual when watching a show like this. I just thought, “thank God” I’m here now, and thank God for my daughters. Really, women were at the mercy of every abhorrent thing that wanted to possess, touch, take or molest them. And this was a time in history where things were looking up for women.

Women don’t need men like they use to, in the sense that they really did need them to survive, literally. And I know some of these fairy tales sort of propagate that message.

Having said that, I actually love being married. I feel like I made the right decision in who I picked and I just love the companionship. But, marriages do have ebbs and flows and it’s so important for our children/daughters to know that and to prepare them to understand this better than ever. So once again Ameena, good for you for teaching your daughter what you believe. I love this about you.

Take care,

Shauna

Sorry for the political discourse and that book that your daughter is reading “Shoe La La,” is by Karen Beaumont a good friend of mine. Small world. 🙂

Wow. Talk about the most fabulous comment ever…you just have a way of getting your message across in such a calm way. I need to take a lesson or two on how NOT to get all riled up when I believe so strongly in something.

Sadly I know that so many women are still mistreated so horribly…in countries all through Asia and the Middle East. It’s so sad that some places have come so far! And others have so far to go.

On a more shallow note…I am so impressed you know Karen Beaumont! Please let her know that we LOVE her book.

It’s definitely not for kids, I agree. Teenagers, sure, and maybe even pre-teens, but definitely not someone Maya’s age.
That being said, I also loved it. I haven’t read the second and third books yet, but I read/watched the first and thought both were amazing.

Hey it’s Shauna here, yes back again. So sorry to comment once again after that winded speech, but wanted to clarify that yes, I was mainly speaking from my ethnocentric, tunnel vision of a view earlier on- as in women in the U.S.

I did my senior thesis in college on the South Americas and it’s a whole other ball game down there especially for women. You’re right in some areas of the world things haven’t changed that much. We really need to be grateful for what we can give to our daughters here-just the self worth alone.

And, those fairy tales are an interesting commentary on our social structure because they really did serve a purpose at one point in our culture, but today women, here at least, can make their own dreams come true to a large extent….very interesting to think about.

I wouldn’t even know where to begin had I needed to complete a senior thesis…maybe that’s one reason I took the easy way out and went with Finance? In any case, I love your perspective…thanks so much for sharing it with me!

I grew up in foofy lala fantasy land and really really thought life is supposed to be happily ever after or somewhere you really effed up.

Took me years to realize that life is freaking hard and it doesn’t mean you are not worthy of happiness or that a tough life means it’s not as quality than an easy one.

oh and I’m one of those wack jobs that goes to the parts store, buys a new car battery and then spends 2 and a half hours replacing it after google searching “how to replace a car battery”, in the dark, with a lame flashlight and barely any tools only to pop off the tubing to the coolant reservoir and now today I have to fix that mother effer.

MEN?

at least those kind of men who think that pretty equates to door mat??

My In laws are visiting and i’m just about ready to pack them up in those envelopes that the USPS sells that you cant open no matter what…i mean you HAVE to tear it with claws and teeth and scissors to pry it open….yep…that kind…faaaar faaaar away! (I may sound like a b@#$%, but i’m not, ok?!

My husband changed his manners post marriage as well. What is up with that? Last weekend, we go out to a fancy dinner (first time in AGES…we had a gift certificate). We finish eating and walk to the car. It is POURING rain. Husband does not open my door for me. He opens his door first and leaves me standing in a puddle. He gets in the car, Puts his key in the ignition. Puts on his seatbelt. Finally, two minutes later, he leans across and unlocks my door. I was so irritated I couldn’t even speak.

I have no patience. In the rain I have negative patience. I would have been SO annoyed!! Not that Ali would have opened my door in the pouring rain either…but I’m just going to offer my sympathy instead of making this comment all about me. 🙂

Maya is pretty and i can see that she is smart too, just looking at her. I too wouldn’t like to let my kid read those classics. Btw the gender role playing reminded me of a very smart Aussie blond colleague who once told me that she would not mind acting like the dumb blonde when she wanted to make men change her tires. She was a single mom and was raising two teenage boys very well. I was in splits when she told me that and was laughing reading what you wrote too.

Good for you to teach her to stand on her own two feet. It’s been so long since I’ve read Princess and the Pea – I forgot all about the bi&*^y MIL. That part’s kind of true to life in some ways though. :)~

I would argue that you are totally a feminist. Wanting your husband to take out trash, change flat tires, kill bugs–totally fine with feminists! Feminism is all about women getting to define what they want to do–traditional or not!

You’re not a feminist? Are you seriously 50 year olds and spouting shit like that? Id be more worried about your own ignorance and passing it on to your daughter than I would be about a few fairy tales. How about you try picking up a book and educating yourself so you can teach your daughter to be a strong woman versus walking around like an idiot saying “Tee hee I want to shave my armpits and don’t want to change a tire. Im not a feminist.” I find it absolutely inexcusable in this day and age that a woman can actually declare herself not a feminist.

First of all, I’m sure Ameena can defend herself just fine, but your comment is appalling and I want to respond to it.

I think a lot of women feel uncomfortable identifying with a group–feminists–that is in some ways very harsh on women who want to follow any traditional gender roles. It is because there are almost as many types of feminists as there are women that the term is so confusing. Different factions have very different feelings on what feminism even is. It isn’t unheard of for fully capable and educated women to want to distance themselves from a term that often has very negative connotations.

Your comment is not a good example of how to discuss the value of women identifying themselves as feminists. Shaming and insulting is not helpful to anyone or the greater discussion.

Ameena is a strong, smart, educated, capable woman. Anyone reading this blog can see that she makes a lot of effort to teach her daughter valuable lessons, and is a fantastic role model herself.

(And I’m not sure how you’re misidentifying her as in her 50s, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Ameena I just have to say I have never seen that wedding post. Beautiful pictures. You two look adorable. Love the dress and of course you have perfect hair. Just an idea for a future post imagining your life with ALI after 25 or maybe even 50 years of marriage. hmmmmm oh and the fairytales, kids dont know the original ones, the little mermaid is not a happy ever after story, and you don’t want your daughter on the “Dr Phil” show when shes an adult being told she has ” Cinderella syndrome”

I love how you pick up such ordinary yet relevant matters with your every day with Maya and write such fun and glorious posts on them, while lesser mommies moonlighting as writers*read that as me* are conveniently sulking that motherhood is such a full time demanding process that it killed our creativity:-)

Yes, the stories and rhymes at our disposal are sucky and responsible for the lop sided views and attitude we grow up with…here’s wishing us all the good luck to manage to rake out something sensible for these princesses to read:-)

A sequel to Cinderella, now that I would like to see. But of course they would probably still make it a fairy tale. I think that it is more important to learn self respect and appreciation at that age, rather that fairy tales.
I’ll help you hide them 😉

that is really really intelligent of you. I seriously cant understand the point of those disney movies where a girl’s life somehow revolves around some savior prince or such. Same goes for these books, such stuff when grilled mentally from an early age makes a girl mature somewhat in la-la-land fantasies. Read her Enid Blyton books, best children literature books one can find! Focuses more on moral values instead of silly romantic tales. All characterization from fairy world though-pixies, dwarfs etc, which is what makes it so interesting. Grew up reading them and I still read them as a matter of fact.. 😀