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Thursday, 23 April 2015

Week 38 - We're grambling up the 'Pool

Stewart was an amazing
person - A wonderful husband, a fantastic brother, a loving son and an
adored uncle. He was also a brilliant friend and colleague and is missed
by so many people. His family are determined that his death will never be in
vain and are doing their part to beat bowel cancer for good.We are fundraising for the Bobby Moore Fund
which is part of Cancer Research UK and specialises in research into bowel
cancer.If you wish to donate to the
fund, you can viahttps://www.justgiving.com/Geraldine-Smith3
.

He began writing The Grambler
when he was between procedures and hoping for some form of recovery.He loved all aspects of football and was a
lifelong Motherwell supporter.His wish
was that The Grambler should continue after his death and I have been happy to
oblige.Welcome to The Grambler, the
most ill-informed blog you are ever likely to see. Read on and enjoy…

Oh I do like to gramble by the
seaside.

Oh I do like to gramble by the
sea.

Oh I do like to gramble on the
prom prom prom,

where the brass band plays

‘Grambly om pom pom.’

Guess where I’ve been. [Erm…The seaside? – Ed.]Spot on!Give that man a coconut!Yes Mrs
G, myself and our two oldest grandnippers went down the ‘Pool for a couple of
days.And a wonderful time was had by
all.

Before I talk about our Blackpool experience, I must first mention our
service station experience.We stopped
at the well-known feeding and watering trough known as Southwaite.We didn’t partake of any overpriced,
overcooked offal that they serve up as food, but we did make use of the toilet
facilities.The loos are clean and
plentiful enough, so what is my gripe?The toilet paper.Sorry pardon
excuse me?Yes, the slim roll of paper
that masquerades as bog roll.How on
earth are you meant to wipe your… how are you meant to clean yourself with loo
paper that is no wider than an average till receipt?The only way it could possibly be of use is
if you were an expert in weaving and could fashion a square by criss-crossing
the pieces to make a mat of a suitable size.Grrr.

Any road up… Blackpool.The finest
holiday destination in the north of England; wonderful and horrible in equal
measures.The Pleasure Beach,
Blackpool’s funfair, definitely fits into the ‘wonderful’ category.It has been operated as a funfair for over a
hundred years and is constantly being updated and upgraded, but it still has
some of the rides that made it the place to visit while in Blackpool way back
in the mists of time.It is nice to see
plaques on the historic rides such as Hiram S Maxim’s flying machine (yes,
really) which has been there since 1904.Don’t worry, it has been upgraded over the years, but it is the same
basic ride where the ‘planes’ in which the riders sit (Sitters ride?) are
suspended on cables.As the planes move
and gather speed, centrifugal forces take effect and they swing upwards and the
passengers are ‘flying’ parallel with the ground.

The ‘Big Dipper’ has been in use since 1923 (although it was extended in 1936).It is of wooden construction so hooray for
the smoking ban.

Also of wooden construction is the ‘Grand National’ which has been there
since 1935.It is a dual track roller
coaster where the red coaster and the green coaster ‘race’ each other round the
mobius loop track.

Others that have been there for a long time include ‘Rollercoaster’ (now
known as Nickleodeon Streak thanks to heavy sponsorship by that TV company)
which has been there since 1933, ‘Gallopers’ (a traditional carousel) which has
been on the go since 1919 and the ‘Pleasure Beach Express’ which has been
trundling around the park since 1934.

But the park keeps evolving and I was really pleased to see a new ride
(well, 2013) based on the creations of Nick Park (arguably Britain’s greatest animator),
Wallace and Gromit. It is called Wallace
and Gromit’s Thrill-o-matic; a cracking name for a ride, Gromit lad.

Okay, so I think the Pleasure Beach is terrific, but not every part of the
town is this good.Now the horrible side
of Blackpool.Much of the town is quite
run down.Once splendid buildings have
been left to decay and that is true of the piers.There are three in Blackpool and it is fair
to say they have seen better days.The
cost of restoring them to their former glory would be prohibitive, so the
wooden parts are rotting while paint peels off and the metal parts
corrode.It is all a bit depressing to
see.The Central Pier is typical.It has a few rather tatty funfair rides which
make the Pleasure Beach look like Disneyworld in comparison.The most obvious ride is the big wheel which
dominates that part of the town’s skyline.Unlike the Pleasure Beach, this funfair, if you can call it that, is run
on a shoestring; the rides are old and poorly maintained.Also unlike the Pleasure Beach, you don’t buy
a day-pass which entitles you to go on the attractions as many times as you
wish for the whole day if you want.No,
you have to buy tickets at £1.10 each or you can purchase 25 for 20 quid.Not bad, you would think.25 rides for £20.Pretty good value it would seem, because the
Pleasure Beach is £27 for a day pass.Hold on there, Bald Eagle, all is not what it seems.Each ride requires multiple tickets.Even the kiddies’ carousel requires two.The big wheel requires four!So, £4.40 to go a few revolutions of the big
wheel.I don’t call that good value, do
you?Needless to say, the Pleasure Beach
was packed whereas this place had grass growing in the rotting wood that
supported it.

Another attraction is obviously the Tower. It used to be that you paid a set amount and
you could have spent the whole day viewing or joining in with its various
attractions or activities.Thus, if you
liked ballroom dancing, you could glide around the ornate ballroom and then you
could go down to the basement which housed the aquarium (always having Tomita’s
Snowflakes are Dancing album on a loop, I recall), followed by a trip to the
top of the Tower and maybe finish off with a bit of time in the ‘sciency’ bit
which featured light illusions, holograms, tricks with mirrors and various
other things to bamboozle you.That was
back in the 90s when Mrs G and I took the family down there.Sadly, unlike the Pleasure Beach proprietors,
the owners of the Tower have decided that each part of the experience must now
be charged individually.And that charge
is high.Not surprisingly, the
grandnippers got to spend some time in ‘Jungle Jims’ the soft play area, and
nowhere else.Not that we are mean, it’s
just that we didn’t think they would be into ballroom dancing at ages 4 and
5.And the aquarium has gone having been
replaced by a ‘dungeon’ which is a ‘ghost walk’ where actors wearing gruesome
makeup jump out at you and shout boo.I
agree.Boo, no more Tomita.

Another Blackpooly attraction is a tramride along the prom.The rickety old green and white double-decked
‘balloon’ and single-decked ‘coronation’ trams (that’s 1936 not 1953) have been
replaced with plush new versions.It is
more like a train journey now, but is still something one must do on a visit to
Blackpool.It was on one such journey during our stay that I
saw a sight which was bizarre.At one of
the tram stops a man got on and sat opposite us.He was wearing a white jumpsuit thing as
might have been worn by Elvis Presley himself. The suit was covered in sequins and
rhinestones.What hair he had was jet
black.This man was either an Elvis
impersonator or just plain eccentric.If
it was the former, then I hope he sounded like the king; apart from the gear he
was wearing, he looked almost exactly nothing like Elvis.Nobody on the tram batted an eyelid at this
weird, almost surreal, sight.However, I
wasn’t interested so much in him or his attire, but in what he was
carrying.He was holding a plain carrier
bag, of the sort you would get from a corner shop, and in it were three tins of
Heinz ‘Big soup’.Something tells me
that his career as an Elvis impersonator wasn’t exactly setting the theatrical
world alight.

Before we leave Blackpool matters, I thought I should mention the Golden
Mile’s Wetherspoon pub.For those of you
from abroad, you probably haven’t heard of Wetherspoons.It is a huge organisation which takes over
disused buildings all over Britain and turns them into cheap and cheerful
pub/restaurants.Wherever they set up a
new pub, they do a bit of local history research and theme the pub around some
suitable historical figure or something associated with the area.So it is in Blackpool.The one there is called ‘The Albert and the
Lion’.

Why?It is all to do with a
monologue written by Edgar Marriott and recorded by Stanley Holloway
in 1930. Click Stan's name to hear it. Incidentally, there is a reason for the
name given to the lion.Apparently, the
first African lion to be bred in Britain (1812) was given the name Wallace and
it became a name associated with lions thereafter in a similar way to Jumbo
being a popular name for elephants.See,
that’s educational that is; it’s not just rubbish you get in this blog [Oh yes
it is. – Ed.].

How about a song
to gramblerise?A few contenders in
there – Ella Fitzgerald, Jerry Leiber, Bjorn Ulvaeus, Fish and Andy Bell.Hmm… Eenie, meenie, minie, mo…

When the night has come, and the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we'll see
No, I won't be afraid, oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you gramble, gramble by me
So darlin', darlin' gramble by me
Oh gramble by me
Oh gramble, gramble by me, gramble by me

Yes, that was
Ben E. King’s Stand by me, a beautiful song written by Jerry Leiber and Mike
Stoller.Beautiful, that is, until John
Lennon got hold of it and committed murder.

…..oooOooo…..

How did we fare
with our bets last week?We got a return
of £1.64 from our £2.20 stake.Better
than last week, but still disappointing.What happened?Read on and all
shall be revealed…

Blackburn vs Nottingham Forest – Prediction Home win

Result – Blackburn 3 Nottingham Forest 3

Ooh!
‘It the bar!

Rudy Gestede put the hosts in front in the third
minute after a mistake in the Forest defence before Michail Antonio's header made it 1-1 shortly
after.

Rovers took the lead for a second time through Gestede
only for Henri Lansbury to level before the break.

The Benin international headed his third
before Antonio scored again.

Brentford vs Bolton – Prediction Home win

Result – Brentford 2 Bolton 2

Ooh!
‘It the bar, again!

Emile Heskey wasted an early chance for the visitors and he
was punished by Alex Pritchard following a Bees' break.

Adam Le Fondre turned the ball beyond David Button to
equalise, but the home side were back in front before the break after Jonathon
Douglas's header.

Brentford pushed for a third, but an error at the back let
in Mark Davies, who rolled the ball into an empty net.

Wigan vs Brighton – Prediction Home win

Result – Wigan 2 Brighton 1

Yay!

Home debutant Tim Chow put the Latics in front with a
header.

Dale Stephens levelled for the visitors after the break
after the hosts switched off at a corner.

With time running out, James Perch won it from close range.

Barnsley vs Peterborough – Prediction Draw

Result – Barnsley 1 Peterborough 1

Yay!

Conor Washington gave Posh a 16th-minute lead,
pouncing from close range after Jack Cowgill failed to clear.

Barnsley's Conor Hourihane missed an open
goal from the edge of the box, with Luke Berry also dragging wide.

Kgosi Ntlhe (Cracking name of the week for sure, but
how do you pronounce it?) received a second yellow card for a crunching tackle
on Josh Scowen after 75 minutes, but it took Berry another 15 minutes to head
in Hourihane's corner for the equaliser.

Crewe vs Walsall – Prediction Away win

Result – Crewe 1 Walsall 1

Ooh!
‘It the bar, yet again!

Marcus Haber wasted a one-on-one opportunity before he
headed Crewe in front.

Kieron Morris and Andy Taylor wasted chances for Walsall but a deflected effort from Tom
Bradshaw 10 minutes from time caught out Crewe goalkeeper Paul Rachubka and spun
into the corner.

Crewe manager, Steve Davis breaks into song when Heber scores

Thank you Steve.Blimey; three ‘it the bars!How close we were to getting a full
house.Oh well, onward and upward.What does The Grambler have in store for us
this week?What five gems has he/she/it
plucked out of the 57 senior games taking place this Saturday, the 25th
of April at 3pm?

Game – Result – Odds

Wigan vs Wolves – Prediction Away win – 5/4

Yeovil vs Port Vale – Prediction Draw – 23/10

Oxford United vs Cambridge – Prediction Home win – 10/11

Wycombe vs Morecambe – Prediction Home win – 1/2

Montrose vs Clyde – Prediction Away win – 5/4

There you have it my
little gramblerados, the Grambler has randomly predicted, the bets are placed
(10 x 20 pee doubles and 1 x 20 pee accumulator) and if the predictions go our
way…

£19.43

… will be winging its
way to the Bobby Moore Fund. [You reckon? – Ed.]Nah, not really.

…..oooOooo…..

Righty ho,
teaser time.Last week I asked you to name
the only player to have played in the World Cup, the UEFA Champions League,
UEFA Cup, Intertoto Cup, all four levels of the English League and also in the
Conference League.The answer?Irish international, Steve Finnan who just
happens to have a birthday this week – 39 on 24th of April.

What about a
teaser for this week?One for Liverpool
fans.Which is the only club that
Liverpool have failed to beat in the history of the Premiership?A good question to ask down the pub, I
reckon.

…..oooOooo…..

For the last few
weeks I have finished with a mention of the main reason for continuing to
publish this blog.I’m going to do it yet
again.Sorry, if you find these bits
boring, but it needs to be said.Yes, we
have raised well over £20,000 for the Bobby Moore Fund, but the blog is mainly
about raising awareness of bowel cancer.There is an advertising campaign which tries to persuade people over 50
to take the time to do a simple 2 yearly test which could signify the early
symptoms of bowel cancer.What the
advert does not do is point out that young people can also fall victim to the
disease.Stewart was 26 when he was
diagnosed; an age where no testing is considered appropriate.

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