A survival recipe for Valentine’s Day

Mostly for the guys… Like the other major holidays, pretending is critical to the success of Valentine’s. On Christmas, we must believe in Santa and that they’ve been good. On Easter, that the Bunny delivers eggs. On her birthday, that she looks younger. And like anniversaries, on Valentine’s, we must pretend that we are capable of deep romantic thoughts. This is very important, because on Valentine’s, it is the thought that counts. This year, it will be harder than normal because Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday. No room for empty gestures here. It will last all day. So here are some ideas to get you thinking right:The minimum:

A card (available at most any modern gas station or drug store). The important thing here is that it isn’t funny. Look for something that includes the word “love” or “sweetheart” or “Valentine.” For extra points look for the word, “forever.”

A flower (available at most any modern gas station and most major intersections). Roses are best, but most anything will do including whatever is growing in your neighbor’s yard.

Breakfast (available at any modern gas station, drive-through or in frozen foods in any grocery store). Breakfast in bed is best and it is the thought that counts. Whatever you can fix will be just fine even if it’s from a can. Though it has been suggested to me that most women do not like to wake up to a steak biscuit with chicken gravy – preferring, perhaps, a croissant and a mimosa.

A wake-up kiss (you’re on your own here). Make sure you brush your teeth first.

Options:

Candy (available at most any modern gas station or drug store). This is listed as an option, because there is some risk. Not just any candy will do. It must be Valentine’s candy and come in a heart shaped box or at least have those wonderful little sayings like “cutie pie” or “lovebug” written on them.

Gifts (only available at jewelry stores, in mall lingerie departments and on-line variations thereof). I suggest you stay away from this, they set a dangerous precedent for future years. You might also consider a day at a spa. The spa is tricky. Make sure you tell her how beautiful she is, before she goes. If you tell her upon her return she’ll surely say, “I had no idea I looked so bad before” which would, of course, change the dynamics of the day.

Brunch (available at any modern gas station, drive-through or many restaurants).

Make a reservation for Saturday night at one of the nicer hotels in town.

A sincere effort
Most women know that even the clumsiest of men can cook eggs. So if you’re sincere about your Valentine, then try this recipe for breakfast in bed. My wife really likes this dish. More importantly, she loves the name… Moonstruck Eggs… she thinks it’s romantic. I call them Moonstruck Eggs because I watched Cher make them or something similar for Nicolas Cage in the movie, Moonstruck.

Ingredients:

Rye Bread

Egg

Cheese

Butter

Skillet

One or more dog

Heat one tbsp. of butter in a skillet on medium high. Make a hole in the bread about the size of a baseball. Toss the hole to the dogs for a morning treat. Put the bread in the skillet and crack an egg just over the hole. When the egg is cooked to the desire of your beloved (pokey or not), place a slice of cheddar cheese on top of the egg. Broil in the oven until the cheese is melted and the bread is crisp. Serve with great fanfare and maybe a napkin.

One more suggestion: check out LikeTheDew’s Dew Shops – if you click on one of the sites listed, you can get something really nice for your Valentine and a small commission will go to support LikeTheDew.com.

I’m just a plateaued-out plain person with too much time on his hands fighting the never ending lingual battle with windmills for truth, justice and the American way or something like that. Here are some reader comments on my writing: “Enough with the cynicism. One doesn’t have to be Pollyanna to reject the sky is falling fatalism of Lee Leslie’s posts.” “You moron.” “Again, another example of your simple-minded, scare-mongering, label-baiting method of argumentation that supports the angry left’s position.” “Ah, Lee, you traffic in the most predictable, hackneyed leftist rhetoric that brought us to the current state of political leadership.” “You negative SOB! You destroyed all my hope, aspiration, desperation, even.” “Don’t you LIBERALS realize what this COMMIE is talking about is SOCIALISM?!?!?!” “Thank you for wonderful nasty artful toxic antidote to this stupidity in the name of individual rights.” “I trust you meant “bastard” in the truest father-less sense of the word.” “That’s the first time I ran out of breath just from reading!” “You helped me hold my head a little higher today.” “Makes me cry every time I read it.” “Thanks for the article. I needed something to make me laugh this mourning.” “If it weren’t so sad I would laugh.” "... the man who for fun and personal growth (not to mention rage assuagion) can skin a whale of bullshit and rack all the meat (and rot) in the larder replete with charts and graphs and a kindness..."“Amen, brother.”