You know those random brain wave patterns, boring stories and general ramblings that you find hysterical but most of your friends don't.
Well this is my publicised version of all of those and more usual shit and brain sick.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Presents I won't except..

Smellies - I had enough fucking smellies when I was at secondary school and none of us had a creative enough mind to buy anything else, other than that "Strawberry selection pack from Superdrug that came with a free bottle of Charlie Red". So no thank you. I'm finally getting round to getting rid of the last load I was given over the last few years, it's quite enough of all that. Charity shops do love me though, I donate so much crap...doing my bit for Charitee.

Candles and the like - I've already got two shoe boxes of candles, incense, oil burners, etc. I do not smell and nor does my room/house. I like Candles but they have their place. To buy someone the right ones, would involve a close examination of their lifestyle. I do like incense but thanks to a small shop in Abingdon called Escapade (it opened when I was about 12 and at the height of my incense and candle loving days), I've enough to last me an entire lifetime.

Any Chocolate other than Cadbury's - I'm not a fan, unless it's Nestle White Chocolate. I never have been...I just don't really like Mars, Nestle chocolate, or any other type.

Pants/Knickers - If you happened to randomly think this might be a good idea, it's not. I always buy my knickers a size larger than I need, as for comfort and VPL are so hideous, especially when they dig in from being too small. So if you do decide it's a good idea...French knickers in a size 12 please...oh and only natural material.

Rose Wine - I'm not a fan of the stuff at all...why be that indecisive? Either have red or white, it's not that hard and it's not as though there isn't options, most places have a selection from dry to medium and full bodied to light. For shitting Christ sake...get some wine experience and drink proper wine. This does not however include Pink Champagne, that's fine, perfectly fine.

Vodka - If you want to watch me puke for 24 hours and loose all will to do anything other than hog the toilet seat, buy me Vodka and then spike my drink. I won't thank you and nor will anyone else. And those of you who say that Vodka has no taste or smell, your wrong my whole body jerks and freezes, as soon as vodka touches my lips with or without my knowing. Allergies are so much fun!

Clothes - I don't mind clothes per say, it's more that when people do buy me clothes, they always buy the wrong size. Just because I look tall and thin, with no hips, doesn't mean that I am tall and thin with no hips. And why is it, when I tell people this, they always say "Yeah, whatever, surely you're a size 8?", as though I've been fooling myself all these years and their one comment will make me fess up to having worn the wrong sized clothes for the last 5 years?! I think I fucking know what clothing size I am, after all I do buy my clothes and wear them.If you do buy me clothes, 10-12 (Medium) is perfect...I hate being squeezed in to my clothes, I like freedom of movement, so if you're unsure buy me the larger and I can always exchange it or adapt it, if it's that bit to big. If you want to get truly technical, Size 10 lower half, size 12 upper half.

That's about it. Probably best to stick to the presents I'll except list, unless you know me really well.

P.S. I forgot to add Wine on that list - Medium Whites and Fruity Reds.

3 comments:

People get very confused by vodka. It is true that the true sign of a truly good vodka is that it should have no taste or smell. What is not true is that Smirnoff is a good vodka, no matter what the adverts with the Russian people rising up and invading the Aristocracy would have you believe. Neither is pretty much any vodka you can get in this country, which is why all vodka you will ever drink over here is fucking revolting nasty horrible stuff.

Of course, if you're allergic to vodka, then this is all irrelevant anyway.

Ahh, you raise some interesting points Mr Axl, also if it's good quality "Bodka" (As the Spaniards like to call it), it won't freeze but will thicken up nicely.I may not like the stuff but I know about it, due to bar training.Also if you follow this link, you'll find some of the highest quality Vodka, that you can purchase in the UK, from your computer, via your bank and to your door! Obviously it's in price order, cheapest to most expensive!