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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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September 09, 2009

The Bengals Are An Unstoppable Coors Light Train Bearing Down On Good Times

I'm never usually pumped up going into the Bengals season, but this year has all the droppings of magic that a team needs to achieve greatness. 1st Round Holdout? Check. Bratkowski? Check. Decimating Injuries? Checkmate.

The Bengals are going to go 17-2 this year. I love watching this team and all of their lovable idiosyncracies. Can't block for Carson, not problematic at all. Can't rush the passer? Doesn't matter because pass rushers don't win games, wide receivers do. You may say that the Bengals are all about style and not enough about substance, but at the end of the day, style is the one going home to rail the prom queen. And the Bengals are that prom queen. Style picked us to rail, and goddamnit, railed we shall get.

When I look at the schedule this is how I see it playing out.

The Broncos have turned a very loyal fanbase into one that wouldn't mind seeing its coach die an untimely death. Win.

The Packers aren't going to do anything with such a lackluster offense. I can't even name a receiver for them. Does Sterling Sharpe still play?

We OWN the Steelers. On a semi-related note, I would gladly watch an entire Final Destination movie where Hines Ward gets killed over and over in elaborate and grisly fashion.

The Browns? I wasn't aware they fielded a team this year. Didn't they relocate or something?

The Ravens are a mess. I just don't know what direction their front office wants to go in. They should emulate the Bengals clear cut vision for the future.

The Texans are like the little unwanted stepchild of professional sports in Texas.

The Bears barely deserve to be on the same field as the Bengals. They should have to play remotely from West Virginia.

The Raiders are just bad. Wow, I almost, keyword almost, feel sorry for them.

Vegas lists the Lions odds of going 0-16 again this year at 1-1.

The Vikings are going to be crippled by an old stubble bearded pill popping yokel telling everyone to get off his lawn.

The Chargers are going to beat us. I'm still reeling from the 2006 contest against them.

The Chefs, what a silly name for a team.

And finally, the Jets. By this time we'll be resting our starters for the playoffs so they may be able to hang with our ridiculously strong second team. This game's a toss up.

So if the Jets can beat our second team we'll be 14-2. And then the playoffs will be a breeze. Bratkowski has been waiting for a while to break out his second, completely different and better playbook (Although I don't know how you can possibly top the perfection that is his first playbook) for our three easy victories.

your readers are pretty gull-i-bull if they thought the first dude was being serious. makes me wonder if you would know what to do with a twat if it splayed itself out in front of your face.

...i'm picking up your sarcasm...and you're really smart...this is a site where pissers and moaners go to drink their own piss, where we are...there are other sites for people who want real news about the team they root for regardless of the disappointing past, where real bengals fans are...90 mile-z away...the writing in these posts sucks...get yourself a new site.

can you get sick drinking piss?
-i think you can.
even if it's your own?

Now just who in the HELL would say that the Bengals are: "...all about style and not enough about substance..." My goodness I hope to all that's holy, that this is 'tongue in cheek' (note, if sarcam or tongue in cheek is being used, you want to get to the 'weenie' a lot faster because people will stop reading after a sentence or more -- just remember that).

If this is a real assessment -- well, to the author, go back to assessment school because you need more training.

The Bengals have no style with milque-toast head Mikey Boy Brown. Look at EVERYONE connected with this piss-poor organization -- they have no style at all. In any case, style also doesn't mean JACK! Ever notice the people with 'style' usually are the ones with no substance either?

As to the Bengals having substance -- the assessor was right (but didn't put it in the final form -- that they have NO substance). So now you have an organization without styoe or substance. How does that grab ya voters?

Ha ha Big Kahuna is a douche bag to the fullest. Do you think this is the only site that people who comment on here read? Let's have a "how well do you know your Bengals contest," then, after you've been humilated by a person with some realistic perspective about the long term success potential of this team given how it's run, you can go back to your kool-aid. I love this team more than you my friend, but it's a (piss) poorly run organization, so who's the one drinking the pee pee? You, and it's Mike and Katie Brownburn's.

Hmmm...it'd be easy enough for me to pull predictions out of my butt and say they're going to go 12-4, but until we see what actually happens, isn't this all just a waste of time? Further, even if the Bengals go 15-4 and bring the Lombardi to Cincinnati, does that really change the fact that Mike Brown is a terrible owner and a worse GM?

As for the whole Katie thing, I watched episodes 4 and 5 back-to-back tonight, and I had six beers down by the time I finished the second episode, and she was nowhere near being attractive.

I would marry Katie....Then I would be in the family and have some say in how the team is run......Then My input would be for MFB to Shut the Fuck up and Hire a Fucking GM!!! Yes It is tru Comrades I would be willing to have horrible Sex with Katie for the rest of my life so that the Bengals have a chance to become a real NFL Team!!