Grumps and the Thunderbox God

..riving for the first time to Grumps farm, little Amber was excited. She had been hearing how wonderful God’s country is way up here in north Queensland.

“You know dear, I’ve a feeling it might be time for a cup of tea, and better make it the big pot, you know what the family’s like,” said Grumps.

“What makes you think the family will be here soon?”

“The cockatoos have taken off down by the main road.”

“That could be anybody,” replied Mrs Grumps.

“They headed west.”

“Well why didn’t you say so. I’ll get the teapot on while you get the bikkies out.”

The car parked at the front of the house. Racing out of the car, little Amber’s eyes lit up when she saw her Grumps opening the front door. She skipped up the steps of the old Queenslander to give him a big hug.

“Whoa. There little willy-willy. Now go in and give Grand Ma a hug.” Amber tore
into the house.

“G’day Mike, Gale, tea should be about ready,” said Grumps. After hugs all round, they headed out to the back veranda. They made themselves comfortable and Amber climbed up onto Grumps’ knee and asked, “Grumps where’s God?”

“Trust me, she has eyes everywhere,” replied Grumps. As they walked back to the house a flock of cockatoos flew past.

“Looks like we have visitors,” said Grumps.

“How do you know Grumps?”

“The cockatoos always fly over the house when strangers arrive,” answered Grumps. Sure enough as they arrived back at the house, a car pulled up.

Rocket began barking around the car.

“So what can we do for you?” asked Grumps.

“Hi Pops. I need to use your toilet. I got a touch of food poisoning from the last
roadhouse.”

“My toilet is way over there. Just be careful, it’s a thirty yard drop, so it will be a long climb out. And whatever you do, don’t light up in there. There is nearly forty years of methane build up in that place, it will go up like a Roman candle,” warned Grumps. The young man grabbed his smokes and shoved them up his t-shirt sleeve as he began the long walk.

“Thanks for the warning Pops.”

Amber looked at the young woman.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Sue.” She said then turned to Grumps and added, “Thanks for letting Jason use your toilet.”

“Why does that man have drawings and all that metal on his face?” asked Amber.

“They are called tattoos, and all that metal is piercings,” replied Sue.

“Can those pictures wash off?”

“No they stay on.”

“Come Sue. Let’s join the rest of my family on the back veranda,” said Grumps.

They all watched as Jason lit up before he walked in the thunderbox.

“Take a seat, this is going to be a one-off event,” said Grumps.

“Grumps didn’t you tell him not to smoke in there?” asked Amber.

“Don’t worry Amber. The thunderbox God will remind him very shortly, just watch and be patient,” said Grumps.

Then they all heard a faint rumble. The door flung open, and Jason screamed in terror his pants around his ankles and toilet paper trailing behind. The thunderbox shot straight up like a rocket. They all watched as a jet of blue fire shot skywards thirty yards high. Then Jason started running, pants down, as a trail of toilet paper, which was stuck to his bottom, caught fire. Everyone burst out with laughter. Even Rocket thought it was funny. Amber had never seen a dog laugh before.

“I’ll get some old clothes. Just make sure you don’t miss a spot when you hose him down,” said Mrs Grumps to Sue.

As the couple drove off, Sue was still in fits of laughter.

“You know she will never let this go,” said Grumps to the family.

“Mike can you get the Ute, and Amber can you come to the shed?” asked Grumps.

As Grumps opened the old shed, Amber saw another thunderbox.

“You see Amber, when your first thunderbox is so far away, it always pays to plan ahead.”

* * * * *

Stephen Ryan writes short stories and poetry. A humorist, he draws on his rich and varied life experience – including a stint in Papua New Guinea during his time in the Australian Army. Often he writes about the Australian outback, basing his writing on the memorably offbeat larger than life characters that inhabit that remote part of the planet. Stephen has lived in Townsville, Australia for the past thirteen years.

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