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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Recently, I've been involved in a rather lengthy, but in my mind worth-while discussion, mostly regarding what the Bible teaches (or doesn't teach, depending on who you ask) about wives submitting to their husbands.

It's long. Very long. And lots of people chime in. Some of whom just want to argue. Be warned.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

A few days ago, a friend of mine (who is a mommy) asked me to post a blog entry on being a father. Then another mom chimed in to say that would be a good idea, and still another mom, (this one happened to be my wife) said that she, too, would be interested to hear what I have to say about being a father.

I don't think I have anything especially profound to say on this topic, but then, perhaps some of the things I consider mundane will be new to someone coming from a different perspective.

There does seem to be quite a bit of lopsidedness when it comes to mommy vs. daddy blogging. Perhaps it's not considered manly to talk about having kids, or maybe kids aren't as central in the lives of men who blog.

In my case, blogging in general has suffered ever since our daughter was born, and it has much more to do with the new demands on me in my role as husband than as father.

And those just aren't the things one blogs about, mostly out of consideration for the privacy of one's wife. The Internet does not need to know it when my wife feels like she can't get anything done around the house, or when she feels awkward about the changes in her body, or frustrated with the loss of liberty.

When I get home from work, if I head over to the computer and sit there for hours composing an eloquent entry on the latest escapades of a certain three-month-old (or perhaps my life in relation to her), there is someone who all day has been cooped up with a baby, and might possibly appreciate some adult conversation, and perhaps someone to see to her needs after meeting someone else's needs all day.

Not that being a husband (or a mother, for that matter) is unrewarding. It's just that blogging might not be the best use of my time and attention in certain situations.

So anyway, you get the picture: blogging is not as high on my list as it used to be, and sometimes what occupies my thought-life is not for me to share.

So... fatherhood...

First of all, we didn't plan for this. Not this soon, at least.

When we bought our house there were plans to subdivide and develop the property, and in the meantime, we could easily afford the mortgage on the combined salary of a nurse and a software engineer. This house was supposed to be a tear-down, and now it's our baby's nursery.

It's not like we weren't being responsible. Elizabeth is a nurse, after all: she knows how this stuff works (or, I should say, usually works), and we were supposed to be okay. But the Lord had other plans, and here we are, in the middle of them. My temperament is such that typically I can just roll with the punches. For Elizabeth, accepting the situation took more effort.

I enjoy kids. I always have. I have just as much fun playing peek-a-boo as the child. My brothers and I used to throw kids up in the air, and back and forth to one another, seeing how far apart we could get. Mostly at church. We would chase them, and be chased. They would steal our keys, watches, and wallets just to get us to chase them. They would sneak up behind us and jump on our backs, so that we would have to give them a piggy-back ride. (This still happens, come to think of it.) I also enjoy talking with children. Too many adults treat children like children when they speak to them, that is, they don't treat them like people: they treat them like non-people: like sub-beings. When I was a kid, I always liked the adults that didn't talk down to me, and I like to think that I've become one of those adults.

Shoshana isn't quite up to full sentences yet, but it's not about linguistic structure, it's about coming down to her level, but not thinking that I am somehow too good for that level.

Oh, yes. Fatherhood comes with a bunch of other things besides having a little person in your house. Things like changing diapers, taking a weighted car seat or a stroller everywhere. For some reason I had to move all of the computer equipment and several book cases out of our second bedroom. These are just the background noise of fatherhood, though.

Being a father right now means that my wife needs me to be there for her more than before. Also, there's a wonderful little person living in my house!