Fake it Till You Make It: Appearing Confident

Not everyone is born with confidence. So until you’ve developed the skill (if you’re the unlucky one without it), the only way is to fake it till you make.

Edit Your Vocabulary

Words are sometimes ingrained into our vocabulary through continuous use. But just because you use those words often doesn’t mean that they’re appropriate in every situation. Try editing out certain words from your vocabulary to appear more confident and intelligent. Words that you would want to remove include:

Um/Uh/Er

Remove these filler words from your vocabulary to appear like you know what you’re talking about. These placeholder words make you appear as if you’re unsure as to what you’re talking about and it will appear as if you’re BS’ing whatever you’re discussing.

Like

Do you really want to sound like a valley girl? Remove like from your vocal by stopping yourself every time you’re about to employ that word in a sentence. Instead of trying to string sentences together, split up your sentences into more coherent pieces of thought. This way each and every sentence has its own thought and purpose rather than putting different thoughts together at once. This will also make it easier for other people to understand what you’re talking about without having to backtrack to what you said first.

“I hope/I was wondering/I was thinking/Maybe…”

Using these phrases at the beginning of a sentence imparts that you have no control over what you want to do. This gives leeway to the person that you’re talking to to shut down whatever you’re about to say. Instead of using these phrases, try phrases such as “I want to/We are going to/I have an idea…” to persuade the receiver that what you’re

Body Language

Your body language speaks a world of a difference compared to what you actually say. Often wonder why you have that sixth sense as to what’s happening behind the scenes when you’re being told otherwise? It’s been hard-wired into our brain to notice subtle body language to reveal how people are really thinking without them having to actually say anything at all.

Smile

Always. Smiling imparts a sense of positivity to the person that you’re talking to and often creates positive outcomes to situations. Smiling is linked back to our ancestry when cave men and women differentiated friendly from aggressive individuals through smiles. From there, it’s been hardwired into our minds thats someone who is smiling is trustworthy. The disarming properties of smiling make it easier for others to trust you, therefore believing in you.

When it’ a forced smile, make sure that your smile is as even as possible since fake smiles tend to be a little bit forced and one side is more exaggerated than the other.

RBF

In case you aren’t in the know, resting bitch face is a syndrome that plagues many, but when used in the right way, can be extremely disarming. Lacking empathy allows you to be able to make split-second decisions without feeling emotionally attached to the consequences. But sometimes even when you’re able to make these decisions, your face can reveal your emotions without you even knowing it. Having RBF definitely comes in handy in situations like this because you’ll never have to worry about your face betraying any of your emotions. Being intimidating and unapproachable can sometimes come off as confident since your decisions don’t affect you.

Shifty Eyes/Fidgeting/Crossed Arms

Uncontrolled movement can appear like you’re lacking confidence. It’s difficult to hold a direct gaze with someone that you’re intimidated by. If it’s too hard to lock eyes with the person you’re speaking to, instead look at their nose bridge (in the middle of their eyes), so it appears as if you can hold a steady gaze without actually having to do so.

Constant fidgeting also imparts a feel of nervousness. Fidgeting is the hardest habit to cut, so the easiest way to cut it out of your system is to remain conscious as to your movements. Be aware of your movements so that as soon as you notice yourself fidgeting, tell yourself to stop. In your mind, say “STOP” and repeatedly do this. Eventually, you’ll stop.

Crossed-arms make you seem guarded. You’re unwilling to let people in and don’t trust others. It’s important to appear open and welcoming, because it demonstrates that you are easy to get along with and aren’t a hard ass. Yes we did say that RBF imparts confidence, but having guarded posture imparts distrust.

Posture

Posture speaks tons. If you’re slouching, others will read it as if you don’t care. And that will affect them into not caring as well. Sit up straight, because not only will it make you appear confident, but it’ll also help your posture as well.

Firm Handshake

Perhaps the easiest thing to achieve is to practice and develop a firm handshake. Firm handshakes demonstrate that you have a firm grasp on life. Practice shaking hands with your friends to get a firm hold and shake. Strength in the movement makes you appear confident and that you know exactly what you’re doing.