Mike Brown Fest

What do you get when you mix beer, skateboarding, loud-as-fuck guitar-destroying metal and obnoxious idiots dressed like sperm throwing used condoms at the crowd? The answer: the first ever Mike Brown Fest, that was held Wed. March 4 at the Urban Lounge. It was full of debauchery and chaos. Andale started the night off while a few rippers like Eric Hess, Willie Nevins and Kordel Black warmed up on the box and mini quarter pipe we stuffed into the bar. As more people piled in, the music got louder and the skating more ferocious. Eagle Twin slaughtered through the second music set while Stuart Callis and Dirty Hades (back in action from his broken foot) tore into some savage skate destruction. Somehow no bar patron, skater or band member got worked the entire night. Boards flew through the air, skaters ripped through the crowd dodging stumbly drunks with hands full of booze. Not a single drink hit the deck, no bones cracked and no blood was spilled.

The Fucktards capped off the night with one of the most ridiculous performances I’ve ever seen. Dressed in white jump suits with giant paper lampshades on their heads, they exclaimed they were dressed like sperm. Lying across the stage in front of Mike Brown were fully loaded condoms that had been knotted off. As the Fucktards slashed through their set, Brown picked up the condoms and started tossing them into the crowd. I couldn’t believe I was witnessing seemingly used condoms flying through the air and dangling from the rafters above. Not only did the crowd endure this, they indulged in it. People started picking up the condoms and tossing them back at the Fucktards. The show roared on and things kept getting more ridiculous. It ended in a hilarious mess when the crowd started throwing their drinks at the Fucktards. One man even walked up on stage to pour his entire stein over the top of Brown’s head. I thought somebody was definitely getting smashed with a guitar after that, but nobody was malicious about anything they were doing––it was controlled pandemonium.

Just as the last song came to an end one dude took it too far pouring his drink out on Browns socks. Wet soggy feet are the worst. At least when a beer gets dumped over your head some of it gets in your mouth. 2 a.m. struck, the show was over, whisky all locked up and all the drunkards were shuffled into the streets. Mike Brown Fest had come to a glorious end.