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My husband’s father was buried in a place that was not of his choosing. Sorting out his files after he died, I found handwritten instructions that specified a different cemetery and a different method of burial. After her husband died, my mother-in-law said he should be buried, after being embalmed, in a different cemetery close to their home. The handwritten instructions said he wanted to be cremated and buried in a cemetery a few towns away where his own father was buried.

My mother-in-law died shortly afterward and was buried next to my husband’s father. Knowing what we found out, should we have moved my father-in-law to the other cemetery after having him cremated? Should we move them both now? If they weren’t religious and not affiliated with either church does it make a difference?

–S.S., Wilton, CT

To avoid a burial mishap, not only should a responsible person leave burial instructions, but they should also tell those around them their wishes. Offering up the information by talking about the disposition of their body and the location of the burial lot should be as important to talk about as who gets grandmother’s diamond ring — if not more important.

It sounds as though either your husband’s parents didn’t communicate or they weren’t interested in discussing the inevitable. Your mother-in-law voiced her choice as the only choice. Let it be.

~Didi

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