26 February 2015

To The Curly Haired Little Girls...

Since the day I was born, I've always been the curly haired little girl. It was cute when I was little, people would constantly call me Shirley Temple and I just ate that right up.

But as I got older, sometime around 8th grade, the hair admiration from others, or hairmiration as I'll call it, dissipated and was replaced with teasing from the boys. Teasing that, as sad as this is to admit, still nags at me today.

They'd call me pubes, because of my curly hair.

Throughout middle school and into high school I tried everything to tame my hair... to make it not look like pubes. I used gel and moose... nothing helped with the frizz. One summer, I gave up and cut it all off, but that didn't help my attitude toward my hair either.

I wished my hair was straight. I wished so hard for straight hair. I wished so hard that I'm still kind of surprised that my hair didn't just one day throw its arms in the air and say to me, "Fine fine fine, we will straighten if you'll just shut up in there!"

At age 14, I knew I would never get a date with that hair. I knew no boy would ever love me. I knew they would just call me pubes behind my back to all their friends. So I took my hair into my own hands, and I bought my first flat iron off Ebay.

I straightened my hair all the time. I would plan my life around my hair. Oh, sorry, can't go swimming, my hair is straight today. Looking back on the number of hours I've spent with a flat iron in my hand...... is insane.

I've done Keratin Treatments and Brazilian Blowouts.... lots of them. Those were game changers. It was like a magical genie came and granted my wishes but then required I pay for them. I couldn't sign the checks for the genie fast enough.... every three months, like clockwork. Blank Check To: Genie. Love: Sarah, forever.

But then all that fuss about formaldehyde was released a few years back, and once the formaldehyde was removed from the process, the treatments stopped working. Keratin treatments simply became a very, very expensive blowout with an empty hope that it would produce three months of stick straight hair.

So back I went, a slave to the flat iron and round brush. Good hair days held in the clutches of what mother nature decided to throw at me on any given day.

I had been dating my boyfriend for about two, maybe even three months before he ever saw my curly hair. I don't remember why I was forced to wear my hair curly that day.... I probably had stayed the night at his place unprepared, and was left with no choice. I felt so ugly and gross. I think I put it in a ponytail as soon as I could track down a hair tie. Ashamed is the only way to describe how I felt about my curly hair.

About a month ago, a friend of mine, Jasmine, shared this video from Dove on Facebook.

What I would have given as a 14-year-old, being called pubes by the cruel boys in high school, for a cool 28-year-old to tell me my hair looked pretty, or beautiful.

To show me, that as I got older, I would embrace those curls. For a 28-year-old that has her life together, to point up at her head and show 14-year-old me how much she loves her curls. How she thinks her curls are the bomb, and 14-year-old me should too.

For a 28-year-old's cute boyfriend to tell curly haired 14-year-old me, that he loves my curls because they are so unique, so uniquely Sarah.

For a 28-year-old to teach 14-year-old me that so much more can be done with curly hair, versus straight hair. The sky is the limit on hair styles, anything you want to do to your hair, you can do it. Nothing is off limits.

You can have bangs, you can have volume, you can have straight and sleek, you can have beachy, you can wash and go... aka you can sleep in 30 minutes later than everyone else. This proves useful when your alarm goes off at 6:30am!

You will have boyfriends, you will have amazing friends and the most shocking thing of all about your curly hair? You can even survive a Texas Summer!

I know, because I've had and done all of those things. All with curly hair.

Will I straighten my hair from time to time going forward, absolutely. But I'll also leave it curly, I'll rush off to work with it sopping wet 4 out of the 5 days of the work week, I might bring back the bangs one day, I'll tie it up in dutch braids, I'll wear a high pony, I'll go sleek, I'll go in a pool, I'll go on a boat, I'll cut it all off, I'll grow it super long, I'll go outside regardless of the humidity or rain report.... I can do whatever I want. Because I am so lucky to have curly hair.

Ever since I saw Dove's video, I've made it a point to proudly go curly on a regular basis. I am going to let go of those negative high school memories I've tied up in my hair for 10 years, in hopes that a 14-year-old girl somewhere, won't spend 10 years trying to change what she was insanely lucky to be blessed with. She will go through those young adult years having the curly hairmiration that it took me 10 years to find.

33 comments
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I love that video and I love this post. I have thick, tight Latina curls and I LOVE them. I wear my hair straight all winter long because it takes way too long for my hair to dry when it's curly and leaving the house with a wet head is a recipe for getting sick. Plus, come winter time, I only have to wash it once a week. Seriously, that's all. But once those spring temperatures roll around, I let my curls go free and it is glorious and wonderful. I love that I have the flexibility to go both ways (haha) but my 10-16 year-old self...oooh that child needed some love.

Yes, yes to all of this! I'm all about embracing one's natural hair. I used to hate my curls as well but ever since I embraced them a couple years ago, I finally feel like I am truly myself. Just another aspect women should embrace towards the journey of self love. Curly girls unite! Thanks for sharing your story Sarah!

Love this post! My 11 year old daughter was blessed with the curliest hair I've ever seen. Most stylists assume she's mixed-gender, but nope! Just caught a rogue gene from my family that matched up with her Dad's crazy curls. She HAAAATES her hair. Absolutely hates it. I have spent a bajillion dollars in just as many salons, desperate for SOMEONE to tame her mane so that she loves it... But nope. I'll only let her straighten it once a month (I can't handle the 2+ hour more frequently, lol), and I desperately hope one day she'll learn to love it. Definitely sharing this post with her!

My hair's always been more wavy than curly, with parts of it super curly and parts super straight. I, too, spend far too much time with a flat iron. But I think it's important to let young girls know that they're beautiful the way they are, and they don't need to alter their bodies in any way. Go Dove!!

I was teased ALL.THE.TIME about my curly hair. Heard the pubes jokes. I hated my hair when I was in middle and high school and always wanted it straight. Now I love that it is curly. Especially since I can wake up and not really have to do much or anything to it most days. I still despise the Florida humidity during the summer but have just learned to live with braids and buns when I have to.

You have NO idea how much I would kill for your beautiful curls. I have had board-straight hair for my entire life. When I was younger I couldn't get it to hold a curl for more than five seconds. No dice. So finally my junior year of high school, my mom agreed to let me get a perm - a "body wave" she called it. Long story short, the girl screwed up and BURNED OFF MY HAIR. I had bald patches at my junior prom and 2nd degree chemical burns. Almost 10 years later it's almost back to it's original thickness and finally healthy again and I finally understand the best kind of hair is the healthy kind. Curly or straight.

Growing up with straight hair all my life, I've always wished I had curly hair! You are so right when you say you can do anything with it. It takes work to get my straight hair to curl and then it never holds. I'd do anything for some natural waves and rock it like nobodies business! I love your hair!

Oh the passion! I was born with curly hair and will probably die hating it because I have never figured out how to style it in a way that makes me feel pretty. Your long, wavy locks are gorgeous. Mine, however are not!

What an amazing post and to a gal that hrew up with " straight hair envy" , one who believed that only those with straight hair could be considered pretty I thank you. Sadly after 51 years you would think I would be better about this but still it is only while I am in warm states/countries that I embrace my hair, here if I can not straighten it I feel off. I will watch the video and hope I can get where you are. Thanks

From one big haired curly head to another, thank you for this post. When I think of all the damage I caused to my hair with the straightener in middle and high school, I want to cry. I've been straightener free for over a year now and have never been happier

This is amazing! I totally feel you - I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to PUT DOWN THE FLAT IRON. I think my hair ended up looking worse because irons were awful and drying and it just ended up a flat poof instead of a curly poof. I love my curly poof now!

My daughter had the big bouncy natural curls that look like she hot rolled them. Then we let her hair get really long and it weighed the curls down. She wants them back so bad, but they seem gone forever. She probably wishes for her curls back as much as you wished for straight hair.

I love that video too.For a girl that has VERY curly frizzy hair. But I very rarely let it stay that way only because I like to run my fingers through my hair and with my curls you just can not do that ever if its curly. Its a mess, to me personally. But I have gotten where I let it dry naturally and let it curl, but it's still not a favorite style of mine, but I can do it now, which is nice itself.

First, I totally know what you mean about the swimming thing. Any sort of water.. pools, oceans, rain, the teensiest bit of humidity! I had/have these bits on both sides of my forehead that just curl like crazy. I was always so aware of them.

Next, I love your hair! And your hair story. (: My hair is curly and extremely frizzy. Mine was always straight when I was younger, but once I hit middle school/puberty (UGH), it was like a giant frizz ball stuck its finger into a light socket. As soon as I got my hands on a flat iron, I kept my hair straight all the damn time, so I never really discovered the uniqueness of it. I have, however, surprised many friends and co-workers (even family) with my hair's natural state. I think part of it is because, like I said before, I kept it straight all the time for so long. BUT ALSO, I'm Asian, so I don't think it's always assumed. As I've aged, I have embraced my curls and waves. It makes me, ME!! This post is totally inspiring me to get back to that style.

I love this - we've already talked about curls and how I was happy to see you embrace them while in Miami! I plan to do the same this summer! I wash my hair more often in the summer months due to sweating, being outdoors, going kayaking - basically living life! I don't have the patience to iron and stand with a blow drier in the summer, nor do I have the patience to do it more than twice a week max (I wash my hair maybe once, twice if I'm feeling like it needs it, I KNOW dirty girl! Whatever :)

Bottomline - when I was young my hair was super straight... I wished for curly hair so bad... and then perms came into my life... from middle school until 10th grade I permed the hell out of my hair, and then chemically straightened it once, it was awful. After that... super curled, big hair was a thing of the past, so I prayed for my perm to grow out quickly... something strange happened... my hair now has natural wave... sometimes it's great, others well, it's like a bad perm... that didn't take. I really feel like the new "bed head" trend has allowed us as women to embrace the messy hair, and love ourselves for who we are, not what we "tame our hair to be"... thanks for writing this!!! You've made me look forward to playing with my hair this summer!!!

PS If your scalp can stand it, cleansing conditioners do wonders for curls, and frizz. I only know this because I tested them out and my curlier hair days always seemed better (but it does weigh your hair down ... so I use them sparingly... and for a couple weeks then switch back when my hair feels too heavy! ox

My cousin's daughter has the most gorgeous ringlets and I tell her how beautiful her hair is every single time I see her. I had straight hair growing up and hated it! It still won't hold a nice curl. I was so envious of my friend that had curly hair. Funny how that works.

I went through the same thing with my curly hair. I loved it when I was little and everyone complimented me. Around jr high I started to hate it! It was frizzy and tangled and horrible. I'm just now starting to fall in love with it again but some days are harder than others. It's a shame us girls with curls don't learn to love them earlier.

Before I start, I'm not trolling to leave comments and I don't work for this website. I'm just a huge fan! Okay... onwards!

I love my curly hair! I did not feel that way in middle school, and I didn't really know what to do with it in high school, or even college really. But I found a website that is awesome for curly haired people! It is all about curly love and how to properly take care of it so that you can't possibly do anything but love how amazing it looks.

It's called naturallycurly.com and I found my current hairstylist on there and a ton of good advice. I just wanted to put that out there so that if anybody's reading this and wants to love their curly hair but feels like they can't, they can go to that website and start to see their curls differently. :-)

I don't know how I've never seen that video but I loved it so much! This is such a great post. I too have done everything possible to straighten my hair and it's nice to be reminded that I should love my curls!