Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

(I work at a dinosaur trail, where people can walk through the forest and look at robotic dinosaurs. On this particular day, a guest with one arm comes onto the trail. About half an hour later, he comes back out.)

(I’m working in my family’s store part-time while I go to college. I am 18, but look a lot like my younger sister, who is 12, and sound younger than her as well. It’s October, and we give out free candy to paying customer’s kids or nearby schoolkids. We have a customer who lives next door to our shop; she’s very aggressive and known for shoplifting.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [store’s name].”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, what ever.”

(The customer begins taking candy from the bowl, which clearly has a sign that says, “KIDS ONLY. TAKE ONE EACH.”)

Me: “We ask you only take one or two, not a handful. A lot of kids come by and we can’t keep refilling the bowl.”

Customer: “What?! I’m getting some for my kids!”

Me: “Well, we ask you at least take six and not a handful, since I know you only have three children.”

Customer: “Y’all have plenty of candy in the store. Stop being selfish and f***ing stingy.”

Me: “It’s not being stingy. The owner is paying from their own pockets for the merchandise, and they have to feed their family on the income of this store.”

Customer: “F***’ing b****!”

(The customer goes off into the store to shop. Meanwhile, my coworker approaches with some small pumpkin decorations.)

Coworker:*to me* “Your father called and said to put the candies in here, so when kids come they’ll have a small gift bag. I’ll keep an eye on the customer.”

(I empty the bowl into the individual pumpkins and leave the bowl on the counter. I’m putting the last of the candy pumpkins into a box when the customer comes back with some items. She’s since eaten all of the candy she took earlier.)

Me: “Is that all?” *I start ringing her up*

Customer: “Yeah. What grade you in?”

Me: “I’m in college. I just graduated a few months ago.”

Customer: “Wha!? Nu-uh! How old are you?”

Me: “I’m going to turn 19 soon.”

Customer: “What? Really? You don’t look—”

(The customer starts reaching for the bowl, when she notices the candy missing.)

(I’m a baker of the store, so I make all the donuts, bagels and muffins three days a week. This particular day I have finished baking and am now working on sandwich station. My hair is often multi-colored, so my coworkers call me ‘Rainbow Brite.’)

Customer: “The girl making sandwiches got this hair in my food.”

Coworker: “Oh, I’m very sorry, ma’am. Let me see that and we’ll remake it for you.”

(The customer hands over a bagel which has a long blond hair sticking out of the cream cheese. My hair is short and currently black with pink/purple bangs. However, the customer’s daughter has long blond hair. Also, we don’t have a single blond girl working at our store—just two blond boys who have buzzcuts.)

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, while this hair didn’t come from her, I’ll have her make it over for you anyways.”

Customer: “Of course it’s her hair! Who else’s hair could it be?! I bet you are just covering for her. Let me speak to the person in charge.”

Coworker: “Rainbow Brite, she wants to talk to you.”

Me:*smiles* “Hi, hun, can I help you with something?”

Customer: “I found this long blond hair in my bagel. Your coworker accused me of lying when I said it came from the girl making sandwiches!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can tell you she was telling the truth that the hair didn’t come from the sandwich girl, because that’s me, and my hair is neither blond nor long. However, I can remake your bagel and give you a refund if you would like.”

Customer: “How dare you accuse me of lying?! I demand a refund!”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Let me make your bagel again.”

(I remake her bagel and give her a refund. As she’s walking out, her daughter speaks.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, why were you so mean to her? You got my hair in the bagel, not her!”