March 10, 2013

A Booke of Proofreading Magick

HOUSE STYLIZE. Reformats entire manuscript to suit publishing house style. Roll a D12 Citation Check if the manuscript needs to be changed from Chicago to MLA format, or vice-versa.

SPELLCHECKAZAM. Ensures that both the word and the spelling are correct. May be blocked if Microsoft Word successfully casts a counter-spell of GOOD MANORS.

BLOCK PROCRASTINATION: Denies the user access to Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube for the spell's duration. Does not protect against spells of BARHOPPING or MOVIEGOING.

NO DOZE: Protects the user against spells of BOREDOM cast by the MALEVOLENT class of MANUSCRIPT MONSTERS (see Rules, 58th ed., for more information). Has the same effect as drinking a +3 CUP OF JOE (usually found only on COFFEE SHOP LEVELS). However, the spell has a 20% chance of misfiring, in which case it will instead DAZE the user.

1st-LEVEL PROOFREADING SPELLS

SUPERSTET: Automatically STETs all changes to the user's prose style. Despite its low level, this spell should only be used by PROFESSORS of Level 15 (ACADEMIC SUPERSTAR) and higher, as it frequently results in a -25 penalty to PROFESSOR-COPYEDITOR RELATIONS.

PARENTHETICIZE: Transforms any style into MLA format; may be useful in conjunction with HOUSE STYLIZE, above.

BIBLIOGRAPHY CHECK: Matches all bibliographical entries to the appropriate data in the user's discipline-specific databases. Interdisciplinary users must roll a D20 Transgressing Boundaries check in order to obtain results in more than one field; otherwise, there is a +5 chance of EMBARRASSING ERRORS.

FLOATING TEXT: Particularly helpful to users working on scholarly editions. The spell creates a hologram of the copytext, which can be laid on or next to the user's own manuscript.

2nd-LEVEL PROOFREADING SPELLS

DETECT BRILLIANCE. Identifies scintillating ideas in need of further clarification. However, users who fail a D12 Spot Obfuscation check will add +10 to any REVIEWER's resistance rolls.

ACTIVATE. Translates all sentences in passive voice to active. Must be used with caution, as the spell will work even when the sentence would make more sense in passive voice.

OKEYDOKEY: Accepts all COPYEDITOR's stylistic changes to the manuscript, with a temporary bonus of +10 charisma points to the user. Many PROFESSORS find themselves incapable of casting this spell.

NUMERACY: Automatically fixes errors in page number references. Especially helpful when used in conjunction with BIBLIOGRAPHY CHECK, above.

3rd-LEVEL PROOFREADING SPELLS

PROJECTION. Telepathically conveys the PROFESSOR's original intentions to the COPYEDITOR. Highly advisable if the PROFESSOR is utilizing a BLESSED PEN OF JARGONIFICATION (q.v.). Unfortunately, this spell does not work on REVIEWERS.

GO TO LIBRARY. Teleports the PROFESSOR to whichever library holds a rare reference which s/he transcribed a dozen years ago, and now has doubts about. PROFESSORS not yet experienced enough to use this spell should contact someone capable of SUMMONING LIBRARIAN. Users must roll a D6 Shelf Check to see if the reference is still available. There is a 15% chance that the spell will misfire, sending the user to the wrong library.

FOOTNOTE FRENZY. Wherever possible, adds references to works by PROFESSORS at LEVEL 10 (BIG NAME)
or higher, even if the works in question are of only limited
relevance. A double-edged spell: if the spell succeeds, it adds +10 to
the user's charisma, but there is a +5 chance that a REVIEWER may counter-attack with an ACCUSATION OF BROWN-NOSING (q.v.); if the spell fails, there is a +10 chance that a REVIEWER will fire a ROCKET OF HIGH DUDGEON (q.v.). Interdisciplinary scholars have a +30 chance of failure.

SPELL NAMES. Automatically corrects all misspelled names in the text. Failure to cast this spell may, at the very least, result in a sneak attack by a SHADOW OF HUMILIATION (q.v.). If the user does not cast the spell, or the spell fails, roll D10 to check whether or not one of the misspelled names belongs to a REVIEWER.