Been Engaged for almost 7 years

Well me and my fiance have been together for 11 years and almost two months, but have been engaged 7 years. We just can’t make it down the aisle. We both have parents that could help us out, but don’t. We thought about just eloping, but his mom told him not to do that without her. So that puts us in a rock and a hard place. I lost my job about a month ago and he is free-lancer videographer so we would not have any money to help with paying bills after we are married. So does anybody have any suggestions on this.

kde38: If his mother isn’t paying, she shouldn’t decide how you two are going about it. It sounds a little harsh, but what would you rather do? Wait around for things to happen and experience a 15 year engagement because his mom said no? Or elope and celebrate the union of you and your partner?

I’ve been pretty firm with my mother (I didn’t ask for financial help), that she doesn’t get to decide who to cross off the list, what food to serve, and what earrings I’m going to wear.

I understand he’s a free-lance videographer, but if you aren’t working, he may have to bite the bullet and go find a regular job to help out and do the videography on the side.

It is ultimately dependent on what you want for your wedding day, if your parents don’t want to help out you will have to do it without their funding. So for example, if you do want to have a wedding with ceremony and reception to follow with some guests, then you might have to wait longer than if you were happy to elope or just go to the courthouse.

As for your FI’s mother wanting to go with you if you elope and you don’t want her there, just want it be the two of you, tell her so. Or if you’re worried she might go anyway if you tell her ahead of time, don’t tell her until afterwards.

Best of luck OP, I am also having a very long engagement, probably five and a half years (currently we have been engaged almost three years), so I understand the desire to just be married already!

Do you want to elope? If so, then you could consider getting paperwork married at the courthouse with your immediate families there, then have a romantic elopement ceremony right afterwards on your own. If you are eloping overseas then often it’s difficult to get the paperwork done there anyway so most people will go the legal marriage separately. Best of both worlds.

But yeah, after 7 long years of engagement I can see why you would want to move on to the next stage ASAP.

kde38: Have a planned elopement haha. My SO are planning on doing this. Basically find a cheap Justice of the Peace and have them meet you at a pretty park or some place local on a planned date and tell his mom or whoever wants to see you tie the knot and then if they make it there by your set time they get to watch and if not well you tried. I believe a marriage license is $35 and the JOP could be $50-75. If your state does court house weddings (I’m in VA and they no longer do these) then even better, you can have a couple guests and take care of everything in one stop 🙂

His mom said “no” so you can’t elope? Are you 12? You’re both adults, elope if you want to. Getting married doesn’t have to cost a lot, plenty of people can’t afford a big wedding (myself included). All you need is a justice of the peace and a marriage license. You could also have a backyard wedding, a potluck wedding, or a million other things. This whole business with people spending 10-30 thousand bucks is insane- you definitely don’t have to.

We’re having a backyard wedding then we’re all going to a restaurant. Easy peasy.