The 5 Best-Kept Secrets of Parenthood

You're
pregnant? Congratulations! Be prepared for everyone to give you
unsolicited tips and advice. People will
talk your ear off about sleep training, when to start feeding solid foods,
whether you should vaccinate, daycare vs. nanny, and on and on and on.

Fast-forward
to the toddler years and there is a list of "fun" things that nobody has warned
you about. These are so top secret that they
aren't found in any books. Generations
have been sworn to secrecy, so you won't even hear these tales from your
grandma. Until now. Today is the day that the curtain gets pulled
back on the best kept secrets of parenthood.

The best way
to get your child to poop is to take him to the park. There are magical powers in the sand. Even
if you've asked if he needs to go to the bathroom several times before you left the house, you've got a 98 percent chance of a poop happening at the park. The more disgusting the bathroom is, the more
likely they will need to go.

2. Don't get mad, get creative.

Parking
spaces were designed by people who ride bicycles. There's just no other explanation for their
size. You'll be challenged daily, but
don't get upset. Get creative and utilize
your windows or even sunroof if necessary.

3. Well, get mad sometimes.

You can't
always get creative. In those situations, it's totally appropriate to get mad. Taking your child out of their car seat on the Autobahn is really
scary. Pray for a break in traffic and
move faster than you've ever moved in your life.

4. The art of negotiation—it's a valuable skill.

Many a tear
has been shed over who's going to flush whose pee. The best way to hone their negotiation skills
is to make them practice. Force them to
pee together several times a day and the learning curve will be quite impressive.

5. Choose the right (read: shortest) books.

It's been
drilled into our heads that we're supposed to read to our children daily. They forgot to mention that your child will
select the biggest book to read at bedtime. This is the same time of day that you'll be ready to create a bonfire
with the book and pour a glass of wine. Choose
books wisely and only keep short ones with mostly pictures in their bedroom.