Waves of Memories – Kabanata 24

Sa lilim ng nakapalibot na iba’t-ibang uri ng puno, nakaupo kami ni Ivo sa duyan. With only the creaks of the chains, we looked at each other’s eyes deeply. It feels comfortable… like his eyes is very familiar that watching it everyday would mean life.

The days are passing by and I’m still here trying to find fragments of my lost memories. Alam kong hindi tamang patigilin ko ang mundo ko, at ang mundo ng mga taong nasa paligid ko dahil lamang sa nawawala kong mga alaala. The world, no matter what problem it has, goes on. I am part of the world. I am no exception.

“How are you here? How were you in Carles? I was worried about you. Walang araw na lumipas na hindi kita naiisip. If only I had the chance to escape the tightness of my schedule, dapat ay binisita na kita…”

He looked really worried. However, his statement awakened so many questions deep within me. Questions I’m sure only my memories can answer… and should answer.

There’s too many questions on my head but I am not longer interested to voice it out.

I feel like whatever happened in the past is all in the past. The past is nothing but a memory. My feelings in the past are nothing but nostalgia. At ang importante lamang sa akin ngayon ay ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Ngayon. Si Thraia na walang maalala. Iyon lang.

“If only I was strong enough to see you hurting, dinala na kita sa Maynila at doon na hinintay ang alaala mo. I’m weak when it comes to you, Thraia. The doctor said you need proper rest and away from the people and places that will trigger your memories. And sadly, I’m too much for you… You couldn’t even look at me in the eye without fainting.”

“Whatever happened might be too much for me. You said I’m ready to marry you before the accident, but the Thraia right now isn’t ready for anything…”

Binaba niya ang kamay niya at nanatiling seryoso ang mga mata.

“Ang tanging alam ko sa ngayon ay mapayapa akong nanirahan sa Maynila nang ‘di inaabala ang kahit sino. I’m doing my job. I love it, I’m sure. I have friends… I have colleagues… That was my dream… to have a normal life. And these… are certainly not normal right now… Having this condition… and all the confusion isn’t normal.”
“You went to Manila to explore, Thraia. But in the end, you wanted your home…” nahimigan ko ang sakit sa kanyang boses.

“Ivo, you are talking about the Thraia without this condition and without the tragedy. The Thraia right now experienced too much pain, physically and emotionally. Hindi ko na siya maibabalik pang muli, Ivo. Thraia will forever be marked with the tragedy, even when I gain back all my memories…”

Bumuntong hininga si Ivo.

“And I’m speaking right now as someone bringing all that scars… With my scars, I want my normal life back… without any complications. I have to sort out my life before deciding about other things. I hope you understand that…”
“What about your home here in Costa Leona?” mataman niyang tanong.
“’Tsaka ko na tatanungin ang sarili ko niyan kapag naayos ko na ang pinakaunang parte ng aking buhay, Ivo.”

Natahimik siya sa sinabi ko. The setting sun is now reflected on his face. It was dotted only with the leaves from the trees around.

“Am I needed there, Ivo?” si Lynea.
“Hindi na. The directors won’t be in quorum pero majority naman ang naroon kaya if you want to have a vacation here, that’d be okay.”
“That’s just great!” she clapped once and then glanced at Ali. “What do you think, Ali?”
“Nakita ko ang graph ni Zamiel, Ivo. It’s time for me to take over-”
“I can do it, Ali. You don’t have to help…” si Ivo.
“Ali, you should rest. Marami kang nagawa para sa ibang tao. The least you can give yourself now is-” natigil si Lynea.
“The investors are leaving. The directors are worried-”
“I’m not worried…” Lynea interrupted Ali.
“I can handle it!” giit ni Ivo.

He handed me a piece of paper. I opened it and saw a one way ticket of us.

“We’re leaving first flight tomorrow. Is that okay with you?” he asked.
I nodded. “Pagdating ng airport, Penny will pick me up.”
“Okay…” seryoso niyang sinabi.
“I’m sorry, Ivo. I know that this isn’t what you expected from me but this is how I feel now… I want to start my life again. I don’t want to wait for my memories to come back. And I don’t want to decide right away without considering my feelings right now.”
“Naiintindihan ko, Thraia.” He smiled and then turned to the door.