Monday, July 25, 2016

Saturday, July 23, 2016

I am a place in my life where I am don't want to be...yes here we go again!!!!

How do I move forward..from what?

Well, let's see! Although my body is home, I am emotionally and mentally elsewhere all the time! A place where I rather be but there have not been an invite!

Compatibility is such a key to success in a relationship without it I don't think you can really thrive! I think it would always be a situation where you are always tolerating each other with little if any enjoyment! I don't want to tolerate anyone I want to fully enjoy them, then and only then can you FULLY give yourself to them!

Two Saturday's ago, I "ran away" yes I am grown and I ran away from home! Just felt tired!!! And although I came back, where else would I go right!!! I still feel like I don't want to be here!

When I talk, touch, kiss someone I want that tingly feeling you get, those butterflies, that feeling of I can't wait to see you! I don't have that!!! What happened? Where did it go, or did I ever have that!!! I'm gonna go crazy or crazier if I don't get that! I've never felt so empty in my life!!! What is it gonna take???

What are you suppose to do when you feel like your life is in limbo. What I mean by that is you just exist. Don't feel like you have a true purpose, you're just there!

I feel caged and trapped, especially when it comes to how I feel! If something is wrong with me my husband says "What's wrong with you now!!" Mmmm what's wrong with me NOW!!! Seriously - that doesn't exactly make me want to open up! Therefore, I don't! So I turn to blogging! Doesn't really help but I get to talk about it!

Other feelings I have I've been keeping them inside! It's killing me to do so! I tried calling to see a psych but they want insurance which I don't have at the time. Sometimes I just want to just walk until I can't walk anymore. Where would I go, I have no idea. Just somewhere to clear my head. Because if I took the car my daughter might report it stolen! Lol

You shouldn't be in a relationship that makes you think of suicide just to get out of it!

My sister recently move to PA, she said I am welcome to come and she'll kidnap me if she needs to! Told her sounds like a plan!

Don't know how to balance out these feelings I have! I need someone who gets me, who wants to take care of me properly, not just financially but emotionally and mentally! Right now, I think we are both just going thru the motions! I am tired of going thru the motions!! Something has to give, I just don't know what or how just yet!!

Is there someone for ME??? Living like this is driving me insane, literally!!!

I see you arriving in your carJet black Mercedes, built in the 70sClassic like you and meI'll be coming down, down, downDown, down, down, down, down, downI'll be down, down, downDown, down, down, down, down, down

I see you the sameI see it in the way that you behave around meAnd I can't tellWhat we have is different from anyone elseCause you stop doing what you're doingWhen I call you come to me runningAnd I would do the same for youSo tell me that you feel it too