As much as you want to quit them, you can’t. Whether it’s for your military base, your shopping guilty pleasure, your side hustle, a new mom group, there are a gagillion Facebook groups and well, you’re in them all.

On episode 66 of the Happy Hour we reminisce about our favorite Super Bowl memories and we learn about a new technology that puts your loved one’s DNA in your tattoo. The folks at Everence are veterans and military spouses — they know what it’s like to be separated from the people you love the most.

This Week’s Guests: Boyd Renner and Devon Gardner, Everence

Endeavor Life Sciences’s co-founder is Boyd Renner. a retired Navy SEAL. Endeavor Life Sciences recently launched Everence, a way to stay truly connected with the people who inspire you, utilizing patented technology to add DNA to a tattoo. Everence was developed by scientists and offered in partnership with over 25 leading tattoo artists from around the world.

Devon Gardner is a military spouse whose husband served 11 years in the Armed Forces. Introduced to Endeavor’s flagship product, Everence, through others in the military community, the product struck a chord with her. Seeing how Everence could help keep military families and friends closer despite distance and separation, she has used her decade worth of digital marketing experience to help bring awareness about it to the military community.

Amy Brings Us The News From Military.com

Jessica Tells Us What We Missed On Social Media

This military spouse is taking a stand against employers that don’t want to hire military spouses.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast is the official podcast of NextGenMilSpouse.com. We offer a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. From navigating your career to surviving your next move, NextGen MilSpouse has you covered.

Military life gives us many opportunities to be labeled “the newbie.” It isn’t so bad in the beginning. There are certain graces offered and benefits received, however, there comes a point when the status gets…old.

We no longer need to be told why the big town event is a must-see nor do we need step-by-step directions to the grocery store. We have met Johnny (50 times) and yes, this place is different than our last home.

There is not a quantity of time that needs to pass in order to promote from newbie to local status, but when you think you might be ready, consider the following checklist.

You have attempted to grow a plant (it did not have to be successful).

Your shipping address is updated on Shutterfly and there are recent photos displayed somewhere in your house.

There are only 3 boxes left to unpack – and they are the ones that never get unpacked.

Allison Struber is a military spouse, mother of three and author of https://allie-beth.blogspot.com/. Inspired by her kid’s energy and her husband’s dry humor, she spends her days teaching character development in schools, volunteering and trying to figure out a ways to bottle up the sweet moments in life.

Amy Brings the News from Military.com

Jessica Tells Us What We Missed on Social Media

It’s Army-Navy game season, which means we’re here for the spirit videos. So far only Navy has posted videos, much to Jessica’s chagrin, here’s Shake It Off and Helm Yeah. (P.S. West Point – where you at?)

Buy ALL your holiday gifts from Humans on the Homefront’s Holiday Gift Guide featuring 100+ veteran- and military spouse-owned businesses.

NextGen MilSpouse’s Happy Hour Podcast is the official podcast of NextGenMilSpouse.com. We offer a fresh and modern take on military life for today’s military spouse. From navigating your career to surviving your next move, NextGen MilSpouse has you covered.

You know how I know this? Because it’s induced me not once, but now twice, to essay something even remotely approaching sports writing.

Members of the Vilseck High School tennis team circa 2001 could be forgiven for forgetting I was even kind of on the team, if they knew I was on it at all. I was so bad and uncommitted that either I wasn’t paying enough attention to know when the meets were or they just weren’t telling me.

Members of the Heidelberg High School cross country team circa 2003 may remember me as the girl who got hopelessly lost during the first meet of the school year.

So yes, it is a bit rich that I’m weighing in on college football at all, but such is the power of the Army team over the imagination of its fans.

To coin a question, “What makes this year different than any other year?” Well, last year, the United States Military Academy at West Point ended its 14-year losing streak against the United States Naval Academy in the annual Army-Navy football game, held every December.

I’d now like to take you on a tour of Army fans’ feelings headed into this year’s game, using the only medium I really feel comfortable using to discuss sports, due to its lack of technical detail: the listicle.

A Year in the Life of an Army Fan

Bill Murray in October 2016 was you in December 2016, and this is just further proof that you could totally be best friends if you ever met.

Although Army-Navy gets you excited every year, this year it’s justified, and the anticipation is killing you!

But as Jessie Spano can tell you, excitement is a double-edged sword. Was last year just a one-off?

Basically, you’ve spent much of college football season low-key checking up on Navy and gloating.

But as anyone who is truly petty will tell you, schadenfreude is simply the armor worn by the emotionally fragile.

Obviously, you need to protect your heart, but by the power vested in me as someone who you should understand is emphatically not really a sports person, I give you full permission to get your hopes up really, really high.*

*Although I would also like to say my husband made a really smart decision to not get a “Beat Navy” flag for our house, because there are a bunch of Navy people in our neighborhood and that’s the kind of bold statement you really just don’t want to have to walk back.

E. Margaret Phillips who goes by Maggie has worked for the Army in different capacities for over 3 years, for both U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command and for U.S. Army Public Health Command. She has been published in the United States Foreign Service Association’s Foreign Service Journal, and in the U.S. Army professional publication, Military Review. She is a mother of 3 and has been an Army spouse for 8 years.

I spent 4 years as a Surface Warfare Officer in the Navy. On my deployments, as we steamed back home, statistics were read over the 1MC (the shipboard PA system) and quite often they sounded something like:

3.5 million gallons of fuel consumed

1.25 million miles traveled

8 port visits

14,010 eggs eaten

743 gallons of ice cream consumed

17 babies born while the ship was away

2 test missiles fired

860 hamburgers flipped on the grill

5,320 rounds of ammunition expelled in training scenarios

Some were real and serious statistics; others were fun figures that help show a little bit of the realness of life at sea.

Today, rather than being the one who sails over the horizon tasked with the mission to support America’s interests abroad, I’m at home with our 2 babies while my husband sails away.

Toward the end of our most recent deployment, I took my son to get his hair cut. Making conversation, the stylist asked Connor how long daddy had been gone. When I responded, “this is a 6-month deployment,” her response was, “well that’s not so bad.”

She’s right, 6 months isn’t a long deployment compared to those facing 9 months, a year or even more.

I started to think how it’s not the number of months that measure a deployment. It’s those crazy statistics read over the 1MC that tell the larger stories of deployments.

Why shouldn’t I have stats to show what I’ve accomplished while my husband is at sea? And though I can’t even fathom what the numbers really are, my deployment data might look something like this:

Similarly, some of these stats are silly, but they illustrate the realness of life at home with a deployed service member.

Murphy’s Law always wreaks havoc as soon as you wave the ship, bus or plane goodbye and the trips to the ER often multiply or the plumbing inevitably backs-up or the car breaks down.

But deployments are not all bad.

Routines are simpler. Meals are less fussy. Time is focused and goals are accomplished whether we realize it or not.

Your stats, while it would be hard to keep track of them, are certainly something to accompany crossing deployment goals off your list.

When I was a junior officer, I always rolled my eyes (caveat: I rolled my eyes A LOT in those early years.) when I saw the bumper sticker, “Navy Wife: Hardest Job in the Navy.” Man, karma is a bitch. Because today, I will absolutely admit that keeping those home fires burning is way harder than being the one deployed.

And while deployment is certainly no cakewalk for our service members (please know I’m not downplaying at all what our men and women do when we kiss them goodbye), we can all agree that staying home isn’t easy either.

Deployment is a roller coaster of emotions often ranging from “I’ve got this because I’m such a rock star” to crying into a bottle of wine or pint of ice cream (pick your poison) at the end of battling the worst day ever.

But regardless, when you reach that finish line and you look back over the past 6, 9 or 12 months, make sure you review your goals and tally up your own deployment data. Whether your stats show that you trained for and ran a marathon, kept little people alive, earned a job promotion, or you channeled your inner Joanna Gaines for some home renovations, those are the facts and figures that prove that you are a total badass.

Ali is a busy mom, Navy wife and Naval Reserve officer. She is passionate about supporting other military families and raising awareness of the unique challenges associated with military life. You can usually find her planning her family’s next big adventure or binge-watching Netflix with a glass of wine.

When you’re married to a Marine, a few things happen along the way. What have you experienced?

10 Things That Happen When You Marry A Marine

1. You know about Chesty Puller

Chesty is the Marine’s Marine. Lt. General Lewis Puller rose up the ranks from enlisted to officer, he led from the front always.

And Chesty knew how to throw down a mean quote. His witty one and two liners are evergreen and get used regularly.

Before you know it, you’ll be tossing around Chesty quotes with the best of them.

2. You’ll feel like your spouse SHOULD have been given approval to get married

“Son, when the Marine Corps wants you to have a wife, you’ll be issued one.”

Times might have changed slightly since Chesty Puller shared that bit of wisdom, but the sentiment is the same. Throughout your life as a Marine Corps spouse, you might feel like you’re playing second string.

Nothing is easier, no special privileges are given. Your life will often come second or third to the needs of the Marine Corps.

3. You get a little salty

The constant training and deployments can wear you down. Your family will always seem to be on the move, even more frequently than the average military family. It can seem like no matter where you are stationed, the USMC gets the short end of the stick.

5. You get a thrill during drill

Seeing the silent drill platoon is something you’ll never forget. The crispness of their movements, perfectly in step. Heavy M1 Garands effortlessly tossed in the air, caught without flinching. The thump, thump, thump of heels and rifles becomes ingrained in you, mixing with your heartbeat.

Watching the silent drill team will make you feel extra proud to be a Marine spouse.

Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Robert B. Neller speaks to Marines and guests attending the Commandant’s Birthday Ball at the Gaylord National Resort & Convention Center, Oxon Hill, Md., Nov. 4, 2017. Each year the Commandant hosts a ball in honor of the Marine Corps’ birthday. (U.S. Marine Corps photo by Sgt. Olivia G. Ortiz)

6. You love/hate the birthday ball

When they button that dress blues blouse and buckle the belt, it’s swoon city. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is as sharp as a Marine in full dress blues.

Plus, the annual birthday ball is a chance for you to don your formal finest, too. Slipping into a gorgeous gown or sharp tuxedo is special.

Except…now you have to find that glamorous outfit. And get a sitter. Then there are the years when the ball is out of town or requires a long drive through potentially heavy traffic. Factor in the endless sitting and standing for the ceremony.

Hey, at least there’s cake.

7. You look forward to sleeves-up day

On one magical day every spring, Marines everywhere roll their sleeves. Yes, it’s a super simple little adjustment, but goodness it does so much.

A nice crisp sleeve-roll is something special. A few years back, they took away rolled sleeves. It was a very sad day. Don’t ask me what makes it so wonderful, Just wait and see for yourself.

8. You enjoy the choice locations

San Diego. Hawaii. North Carolina. Okinawa. Wonder what all these places have in common? The beach, within easy almost effortless reach. You won’t be stuck in the middle of the country. Oh no, you’ll be at the beach.

As a special bonus, one of the largest Marine bases, Camp Pendleton, is within a few hours of Disneyland. If you have a long deployment, Mickey Mouse can become your new best friend.

9. There’s something about a good march

All that bright brass and punchy notes. Oh, it just makes me want to dance! With John Phillip Sousa as a former Marine Corps Band commander, there is no doubt that the Marines have some of the best marching tunes around.

And when the Marines’ Hymn starts to play, get ready to have tears spring to your eyes!

10. You’ll find a great support system

One of the best things about joining the USMC spouse community is just that: community.

In almost a decade as a Marine spouse, on both coasts and OCONUS, I have found the best friends and most unwavering support around. Whether I’ve needed a deployment pep talk or someone to babysit last minute, I’ve found the help I needed within the USMC community.

What have you picked up as a Marine Corps spouse? Share your favorite stories in the comments!

You’re ready. After 6, 9 or even 12 months apart, it’s time to reunite with your soldier. You’ve made your witty, Pinterest-worthy sign, planned your outfit and showed up to the gym or field at the appointed time (0200, no 0300, no 0200) only to have a delay.

But nothing can take away from that perfect moment when you spot your soldier from the sea of camouflage. That first embrace is the stuff of military spouse dreams.

As far as your social media circle is concerned, it ends right there at the blessed reunion and you all live happily ever after. What people outside the military community don’t realize is that after a week or so, the bloom is off the rose, so to speak.

You’ve been on your own for the better part of a year handling it like a boss (when you’re not totally breaking down), and suddenly there’s this other person with opinions and habits, who as much as you love them, is now all up in your business.

Reintegration is a process, and the transition can certainly put a strain on your relationship and family dynamics. Certain fights are something of an inevitability, but we do ourselves a disservice when we deny that they happen. What’s important is that we prepare ourselves, recognize them when they happen, and deal with them with patience, understanding and yes, humor.

If you and your partner have been in the reintegration trenches, I’m willing to bet you’ve had one or more of the following arguments:

The 9 Inevitable Reintegration Fights That We All Have After A Military Homecoming

The “Turn Off The Damn Light When You Leave The Room” Fight

I’m convinced my husband is a vampire because he’s constantly shutting the blinds (the wrong way) and turning off lights. I, on the other hand, need lots of light on account of my seasonal affective disorder and depression. I think we spent the better part of 2 days with him following me and turning off lights as I left a room and me getting mad because I wasn’t done in there.

The “Get Your Military Gear Garbage Out Of My Office” Fight

If there was one perk of deployment, it was not having giant green duffel bags stuffed with Army paraphernalia all over my damn house.

I was in for a rude awakening when he shipped 2 giant boxes home before his arrival, filled with what I can only assume were standard Army-issue anvils.

Upon his return, there was a fine layer of canvas and Velcro blanketing my sacred workspace for the span of a few days, but with some not so subtle hinting, it was soon returned to its former state.

The “Whose Kid Is This?” Fight

If you have kids, you know how much they can change over a year. Our little girl went from a baby to a walking, talking tornado of a toddler. I’m sure it was a rude awakening for my husband when he came home to a kid who could now say, “No, Daddy.”

It’s hard not to feel like any bad behavior is a reflection on you because, well, it was on your watch that they changed.

Once you get past the “What did you do to my sweet baby?” phase, your partner will come to know and appreciate who your child is now.

The “You Spent How Much On What?” Fight

Ah, sweet deployment paycheck. How do I miss thee? Not quite as much as I missed my partner, but still.

When you’ve been budgeting for yourself and the kids (if you have them), it’s hard to get used to the extra expense of another adult human. Especially when that adult human spends $24 on gourmet cupcakes. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve them, but dude could go to Safeway instead.

The “Have You Always Chewed That Way?” Fight

Absence makes the heart fonder and the memory foggier. When they’re gone for so long, you forget how loud your spouse snores, the way they leave half empty water bottles all over the house, or how annoyingly perky they are in the morning. If you’re me, you let it all fester until it explodes and your partner says, “I don’t remember you being this sensitive.”

The “I Want My Drawer Back” Fight

Hey there, milspouse who bought too many LuLaRoe leggings and had to take over one of her service member’s drawers. I see you. You can keep your drawer, but maybe make some space in the closet. Compromise is, after all, the name of the reintegration game.

The “That’s Not How I Do It” Fight

It can be as small as the way you put the toilet paper on the roll or the brand of peanut butter you buy (this isn’t Jif, you monster) to something as major as the way you’re disciplining your children. I realized that if I wanted my husband’s help in potty training our daughter, then he had to have some ownership of how we were doing it.

The “Other Spouses Do…” Fight

Him: *pinning ribbons on dress uniform* You know, So-and-So does this for her husband.

Me: Oh really? Does she have a 2-year-old and 2 part-time jobs?

I’m going to go ahead and say that it’s never a good idea to compare your spouse to another during reintegration. Or ever. Mmkay?

The “It’s Not A Fight It’s A Discussion” Fight

Yeah, it’s a fight. When you’ve been doing the heavy lifting on the homefront, it’s hard not to take any constructive criticism, well, constructively. It can feel like an attack, and if you’re like me, you dig in when someone who hasn’t been there suddenly tries to tell you what to do.

I’m sure some people will read this and think what a terrible marriage I have. The thing is, we have a great relationship. We experienced all of the above, and we came out stronger.

All it took was telling each other how much we hated the other’s face as we hugged it out to get us to laugh and forgive.

If you see your relationship reflected in these fights, all that means is that you’re normal. If you’re in the midst of it, know that this too shall pass. Just because certain arguments are somewhat unavoidable, doesn’t mean they’re earth-shattering.

Take a deep breath, remember how much you love your soldier, and maybe turn the light off in the garage. Just trust me on this one.

Kimmie Fink is a stay-at-home mom, staff writer at Romper, and consultant, Expert Trainer, Nationally Certified Facilitator, and blogger for Welcoming Schools, a project of the Human Rights Campaign. Her work has also been featured on Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, NextGen MilSpouse, and Sammiches and Psych Meds. Kimmie blogs on issues of diversity and equity for elementary educators and parents of young children. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and LinkedIn.

Being Virginia in August, it was sweltering. I didn’t really want to trek from the far reaches of the parking lot to the doors and the repeat with a full cart of groceries. So I circled. And I circled. I circled once again.

Then I spotted it: General Officer Parking.

Perfect! My spouse just got commissioned, so he is part of the officer group, in general. Which is what that parking sign must mean, right? Wrong!

We’ve all done it: made a rookie mistake.

9 Common and Laughable Mistakes We’ve Made As Military Spouses

The Salute. He did it. Do I have to do it too?

It gets awkward fast though when you pop a crisp salute to someone and then your spouse shoots you a side-eye real quick.

Or that moment of indecision when you start to bring up your hand, rethink your choice and quickly brush an invisible hair from your cheek.

Sir and Ma’am. What do you call your spouse’s immediate superior? It feels weird to call them “Sgt. Suchandsuch,” because you’re not in the military. But it’s also odd to be the only one using his or her first name.

Commissary Confusion. Walking up to an empty commissary cashier ready to check out, bypassing all the people waiting in the cordoned off official line, like a boss. Realize your mistake and quickly pick up a magazine to browse as you scuttle to the correct place.

Off-Limit Training Areas. My, what a beautiful road! The perfect place to take a nice long bike ride.

Except it’s an off-limits training area and ammo storage facility. You missed the signs in your haste to zen out for a few and now the MPs have pulled you over (and confiscated your bike). Whoops!

The Gate. Drive up to the base, all ready to drop cash at the PX. Except, who are those armed guards? I have an ID, do I keep driving? Do I stop? Drive, I’ll drive.

And that’s how, “my friend” ended up stopped at gun point on her way to score a sweet deal on designer handbags.

Calling It In. Your spouse has been gone all day long. It’s after dinner. Where is she? So you decide to do what any normal person would do: call the office and find out what’s taking so long.

Do you have a “craft” room at your house? You know that room that was supposed to be a spare bedroom or your home office, but you saw that space and thought

“I’ll just sit this in here until I have time to get to it.”

Your husband or kids probably refer to this room as the junk room and you’re always saying that you’re going to have that yard sale someday.

Is anybody with me?

Now, if you don’t have a “craft” room of your own, you might be wondering how on earth someone lets something get so out of hand.

Well, we all have our stories and mine could be summed up in 2 words — Deployment Projects.

It all started during my husband’s first deployment after we moved in together. The 3 deployments before this particular one, I was busy with work, volunteering, travel and just being a typical socialite in my mid-20s.

This deployment was different.

It was my first time away from my family and friends, our first time living together, and I was working part-time from home. I had to find new things to fill my time. I had a house to decorate, a home office to set up, and for some crazy reason, a strong desire to DIY everything.

I decided what better time than now to start working away at my Pinterest boards? I dubbed them my deployment projects.

Pro Tip – if you want to make a deployment feel short, give yourself a to-do list that will take twice as long as the deployment. Also, having your deployment projects list written out and on public display will provide some accountability.

I wish I could say that I tackled this list with an intense fury, but we all know how deployments go.

The Haves (As In I Have Finished These Deployment Projects)

The blanket ladder: This was the easiest DIY project ever. Wooden dowel rods, copper fixtures and gorilla glue. Plans can be found here.

The photo collage: I fell in love with this West Elm gallery set, but my eyes were bigger than my wallet. I thrifted all over town and found these gems. Bless their hearts though. They sat in this arrangement and various others for months (almost 10 months to be exact).

Deep clean the grout: Seems like an easy project, right? A little baking soda, a little vinegar. Not a problem…until you sprinkle a whole box of WASHING soda on the floor instead of baking soda!

The more I mopped, the more suds I had.

After 3 days of mopping with vinegar and water without progress, I called it quits and hired a cleaning lady to fix my life.

The Have-Nots (As In I Have Not Done A Dang Thang)

Set up home office (now titled: Declutter home office): I had big plans for my home office (thank you, Pinterest), but it went from big dreams to not even on the radar. This probably definitely had something to do with me opening a co-working space in town with my milspo bestie. That office, on the other hand, is looking 👌🔥🔥🔥.

The T-shirt blanket:Does it count if I have them sorted?!

Woven wall tapestry: This was the start of many realities that I had to face. I pinned lots and definitely sold something.

The Almosts (As In These Deployment Projects Are Almost Done)

TV Stand DIY: I’m just going to leave this right here.

Patience is a virtue and I am a constant work in progress. My garage is more like a lumber yard and less like a place to park your car.

DIY Plant Stand: I’m sooooo close to being done. It just needs to be stained. Stain suggestions are welcomed. Plans here.

An indoor herb garden: I bought the pots back in September of last year. Shamefully, I’ve only managed to get this far.

It turns out that a custom welded piece is only really in the budget if you are Joanna Gaines. I’ve got that Anthropologie heart with a Target budget so I had to get creative with the shelf.

Do you have any stellar deployment projects that you want to brag about? Do you have well-intended, but never finished projects? We want to know about them. Share your best (and worst) deployment projects (with photos) in the NGMS Happy Hour Facebook group.

Jessica Johnson is a co-founder of edge co-working, a co-working space dedicated to empowering military spouses to pursue careers doing what they love and providing them with the tools they need to grow in their careers no matter how remote the duty station. She is also a medical device engineer that specializes in product development and project management. She is passionate about STEM outreach and enjoys trying new things, live music and serving others.