Issue #79

The funniest webpage since Gallagher.com folded.

Stone and rock: essentially the same thing, until used as verbs.

-Abby H.

Incredibly accurate "Yo Momma" jokes

-Yo momma's so fat she is at major risk for coronary heart disease
-Yo momma's so old she qualifies for social security benefits
-Yo momma's so ugly that when she reads beauty magazines she feels a depressed sense of self-esteem at her inability to achieve the unrealistic standards of beauty placed on women by society

-Andy Stokan

I thought it was ironic when my grandma started choking on a Life Saver, until it cured her cancer.

-Ben Caron

A sign that the president of Webster's Dictionary has some legal troubles

hypocrisy (n): telling people that a good driver must have unwavering confidence, but that you can't get drunk and drive.

-Conor McKeon

House

Why cant my doctor be like Dr. House and only wait 50 minutes to tell me what's wrong with me?

-Jarred Sparks

I walked in on my wife having sex with my best friend. That's the last time I try having sex while walking.

-Joel Zushman

After finding out that Gov. Sarah Palin has kids named Track and Trigg. I believe no child should be named after school activities.

-Joshua Fein

Calling out of work

"Hey, Mr. Jones, I just wanted to call and let you know why I'm late Having a little car trouble yeah. What is it? Oh, it's the, uh, Flux Capacitor. Yeah oh, wait, it's working now. Never mind, I'll be there on time."

-Aaron Hertzog

People always tell my I am crazy to be so afraid of heights, I say you try living 726.4 feet above sea level.

-Ground Grizzley Slayer

Noah was the original Al Gore: Completely boring.

-Patrick Cassels

My grandpa is really good at golf. He shot an 85 despite nine strokes on the fifth hole. He also couldn't use the right side of his body for half the game.

-David Muehe

I got a parking ticket yesterday for parking in a spot with a wheelchair on it. The cops must have heard the guy screaming.