Spiritual Abuse and Those Who Crave It

by Mary Stephens
Jan. 2016

NOTE: Trigger warning for those who have
suffered from spiritual abuse or scrupulosity. Also, this is not
intended to imply that the victims are at fault. This is written
to address the serious problem of people who feel that they
need and deserve abuse to
make them "right with God," who gain some sort of emotional
"satisfaction" and "atonement" by submitting to it.

------------------------

Some time back my dad and a family friend were discussing the strange
and disturbing problem of abusive pastors. Our friend, a pastor
himself, told my dad that he had had a lady in their assembly come to
him and suggest that he should be a lot harder on them than he was.
She somehow seemed to think that they "needed" to be beat up spiritually
for their own good. Our friend was puzzled and disturbed and
definitely did not comply with her wishes! This confirmed
something he already thought -
that the reason that there are so many abusive pastors is because the
people want abusive pastors. If they would get up and leave those churches,
if they would fire those pastors, if they would speak up and tell "God's
man" that he was out of line, there wouldn't be many of these monsters
afoot. The horrifying reality is that there are people who like it!

And no wonder. God said that Israel had reached
this point
thousands of years ago.

Jeremiah 5:30-31 A wonderful and horrible thing
is committed in the land; The prophets prophesy falsely, and the priests
bear rule by their means; and my people love to have it so: and
what will ye do in the end thereof?

We might still wonder, though, how this state of affairs came to be.
Why do some people like to be spiritually abused and mistreated by their
pastor? And, for some of us, we wonder why there are those who
refuse to see the problem and leave it.

Scrupulosity and Spiritual BDSM

I see it as a sort of spiritual BDSM (bondage and sadomasochism).
The person in "authority" abuses them and they accept is as part of
their spiritual duty, in fact, they see it as "necessary" for their
happiness and personal betterment.
For some reason, the people who submit to it seem to think that they
deserve it, that it "helps" them, that they "need" it, and ultimately
that it is immensely satisfying. The abuser and the abused find
some kind of sick mutual pleasure in the whole business. The
preacher beats the people down and thrashes them verbally and
emotionally. He feels justified and affirmed in this by seeing
"the altar full" or people groveling to his every whim. The ones
who seem to thrive on the treatment apparently feel they deserve it or
that it actually helps to make them a better Christian. Both
parties feel validated and satisfied with the part they play.

Satisfied? How can that be?

Yes. I don't understand it myself, but it's a complex
thing, much like the sexual form I suspect, though I'm not familiar with
the latter at all, and only somewhat familiar with the spiritual problem
as far as personal experience goes.

Perhaps
the first inkling I had that something was wrong was years ago when a
former friend of mine expressed her great appreciation of a certain
evangelist who was "so
convicting." "Every time" she heard him preach she was "so
convicted." I eventually learned that the man was a "thrasher" -
that he verbally beat those to whom he preached. The implication
that I got was that if you didn't fall under
heavy conviction for sin during a sermon, it wasn't that great and the
preacher had failed in his job. This made me uncomfortable,
probably for several reasons.

One reason was that my own dad did not preach
this way. His goal was
not to "fill the altar." He seldom even gave an invitation other
than to "put shoes" on what we had learned and go live it in our
day-to-day lives. He did not dream and talk about seeing a
"full altar" as if that would set the seal of approval upon his
preaching and ultimately change lives. In fact, my dad taught
more than he preached. His desire was to see people grow on a personal level and learn to follow the Lord on their own two feet -
spiritually speaking. He was delighted when people (and his own
children) would bring him things that they had learned and discerned on
their own, whether in relation to his teaching or not.
Ephesians 5:1-2 Be ye therefore followers of
God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us,
and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a
sweetsmelling savour.

"Scrupulosity is a modern-day psychological problem
that echoes a traditional use of the term scruples in
a religious context...to mean obsessive concern with one's own
sins and compulsive performance of religious devotion."
Source.

You may read more about the problem of scrupulosity
Here.And Here.Disclaimer on some content.

Another reason I suspect that the admiration
of "very convicting" preachers bothered me is because I myself suffered
from something known as scrupulosity (also called religious or moral
scrupulosity), in my late teens and early twenties. The base sum
and substance of scrupulosity is that it is an obsessive compulsive
disorder (OCD) driven by religious zeal or moral concerns. For each individual it
may be interpreted in a slightly different way, but there is always some form of
obsession about getting
_________ absolutely correct - repentance, prayer, cleanliness
(especially for religious purposes), thought life, rituals, good works, etc. I suspect that, more often than not,
more than one of these is involved. It certainly was for me, but
that is a story for another day.

This problem is generally more
acknowledged among Roman Catholics, Jews, and Mormons than among
Evangelicals, Pentecostals, Fundamental Baptists and others similar
groups - as far as I can tell.
I think that those of us in the latter categories tend be in denial that
such things can exist among us, or we are ashamed to admit when we have
these problems. I think that some who are truly born again,
and perhaps have someone close to them who realizes the nature of the
problem, are helped out of it in some way and so never understand the
extent of the problem on a wider level. This was my own
experience, and it was quite by "accident" that I ever learned what it
was I had dealt with, and still do at times in some ways. My
impression has been that it was a thing better known in the more distant
past.

Having said all that by way of explanation,
eventually, I at least partly viewed my difficulties as a problem with
an oversensitive conscience. I could get "under conviction" for
the smallest (usually imaginary) offences. So, when I hear a lady
gushing about getting "so convicted every time I hear _______ ______
preach," alarm bells go off in my head. When I hear people talking
about getting every little detail of their lives approved by their "dear
pastor," I'm genuinely uneasy.

Is the measure of spiritual greatness the ability
to put people "under conviction"? I don't see it myself. The
only place we see any form of the word "convict" used in the KJV is in
John 8:9 -- the story of the woman found in adultery and the accusers
who were convicted by their own conscience leaving while Jesus said
nothing, but only wrote in the sand. Imaginations get rather crazy with
all kinds of "convicting" things He could have been writing, but I am
sure that if we should have been informed what it was - if it was
important - God would have told us. I think the silence was the key
there. And, curiously enough, the phrase "under conviction" never
appears in the Bible. (I went and checked a number of other
translations at Bible Gateway as well, out of curiosity, and it wasn't in any of them.)

So, how did we get to the point where being
"convicted" became so all-fired important? And, how did so many
come to believe that being spiritually abused is "good for them"?

I don't have an exact answer for that, but I have
some ideas.

In the first place, we have had a number of
fire-breathing preachers who became exceedingly famous for their
"results" and zeal over the last couple centuries. I'm not saying
that all these men or their messages were evil or anything like that.
But, I do think that some of them and their methods were questionable at
times, and sometimes really wrong. The brow-beating,
"do-this-or-you're-damned" type preaching that some engaged in seems
overdone at the very least.

Charles Finney is one such person who comes
to mind. Having read The Last
Call published by Jack Chick in
which he used Finney's material heavily, I have to say that I was
somewhat disturbed by some of the "requirements" to be "used of God."
I know. Some people would immediately jump in and say that it was
because I "needed to be convicted," because I was a failure before God, or
a terrible hard-hearted sinner that I felt that way. That, friends, is exactly what I'm
talking about! Having
suffered under the searing demands of a conscience run wild, I am
wholeheartedly sick of Christians condemning one another because someone
doesn't do just as "they ought to do" to be "right with God" and
justifying wholesale spiritual abuse as the "appropriate solution."

Here's a quote from Jack Chick himself about
Finney and the book: "One hundred years ago, God raised up a voice so
cutting, that it penetrated the hardened hearts of the sleeping
Churches. The Christians were shocked and angered by such piercing
words. God was crushing the believers by the voice of Charles G. Finney
and a tremendous revival swept over the land. Today there is no voice
strong enough to awaken the sleeping Christians and the end time is
here. The Lord has placed on my heart to bring before the believers some
of Finney's burning words." (Jack
T. Chick) Source.

Did you notice - "God was crushing the
believers by the voice of Charles G. Finney..." Show me where in
scripture the servant of God is called to "crush" people by his voice.
In fact... 2 Timothy 2:24-25 And the servant of the Lord
must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt
to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves;
if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of
the truth; [And in case
you don't know what "all" means see the definition.]

The very fact that the book is titled "The
Last Call" is bothersome because
of the implication that if we miss this call there will be no other.
And, yet Jesus Himself said "... I will
build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it."
Matthew 16:18 And again, "...lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end
of the world. Amen." Matthew 28:20
If Jesus doesn't plan to forsake us or let His church be destroyed by
Satan, why should "the last call" have occurred back in Charles Finney's
day, pray tell? This is nothing but fear tactics - cudgeling
Christians with "burning words" to force them into man's idea of what
"spiritual" looks like.

And this is only one very tiny tip of the
iceberg. The church is full today of people who are beating God's
sheep, sometimes to death, in order to force them into performing to
certain expectations, to keep them in bondage to their own particular
set of beliefs, to terrify them into complying with expectations of
those in power, and to subdue them so that they won't stand up and tell
the "authority" that he is unfaithful to God's word. I hope you
notice all the violent words I just used. I'm talking about
spiritual abuse here. I'm also talking about people who accept it,
expect it and think they "need" it to be "right with God." I'm
talking about spiritual BDSM - where there is a dominator/abuser who
enjoys hurting someone for his own gain and the person(s) who receives
the abuse willingly and apparently enjoys it in a twisted sort of way.
The cycle feeds upon itself and only those who are willing to break out
of it ever escape. For them it is quite literally like coming out
of a cult.

If you allow
the Holy Spirit to work on His time table instead of man's, you
may never see a "full altar" and you won't always see the
results. They may happen at home or at the barber shop or
bakery. Right? When "God
giveth the increase" (1 Cor.
3:7) it might not be on Rev. Fire-Eater's shift.
Some men can't deal with that.

So, my own theory is that somehow scrupulosity
is one of the things that has influenced the spiritual abuse problem
that we see today. The driving force of a conscience that demands
certain performances (rising in the middle of the night to pray and read
the Bible, knocking on "all the doors in our city," wearing of specific
clothing, avoiding certain activities, etc. ad infinitum), when couched
in a man who has great power to make himself heard, is certainly an
influence hard to avoid, especially in conservative Christian circles.
Perhaps men like Finney suffered from scrupulosity themselves and made extreme
demands upon themselves and others in order to attain some perceived
"spiritual height" from which they felt justified in "crushing" those
beneath them. It is clear that some kind of gratification is
evident on both sides, and that abuse is both given and accepted
willingly, and even gleefully at times. Because there are visible
"results" it has been embraced as the "right method" to attain
"godliness."

But, regardless of the results,
it is an extremely unhealthy way to live.

I am going to quote from an article I wrote
on the movie Fifty Shades of Grey.
This quote is about the observations of a unsaved lady on the subject of
BDSM and accepting abuse as a supposedly "enjoyable" part of a
relationship.

The first one was
written by a doctor and psychologist who specializes in youth and
adolescence, Miriam Grossman, MD.
Dr. Grossman clearly spelled out the fact that acceptance of or desire for abusive relationships
are a sign of a psychologically unhealthy woman,
and that in real life those
relationships never work out well for either party involved.
Real life tells us that abusive relationships lead to unhappy endings,
not happy ones. Dr. Grossman wrote a letter to young people
explaining why they should not see this movie and should resist its
message. Among other dangerous ideas presented in the movie that
she exposed in her letter, this one really hit an important mark:

"3. Anastasia exercises free choice when she
consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.

"Flawed logic.
Sure, Anastasia had free choice – and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad
decision."[Emphasis added.]

Luke 12:45-49
But and if that servant say in his heart, My lord delayeth his
coming; and shall begin to beat the menservants and maidens, and
to eat and drink, and to be drunken; The lord of that servant
will come in a day when he looketh not for him,
and at an hour when he is not aware, and will cut him in sunder,
and will appoint him his portion with the unbelievers. And that
servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself,
neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many
stripes.
But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes,
shall be beaten with few
stripes. For unto
whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to
whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. I
am come to send fire on the earth; and what will I, if it be
already kindled?

Friends, this applies just as well to
spiritually abusive relationships. Just because you, or anyone
else, chooses to think that spiritual abuse and brutality is helpful or
satisfying or "serves a useful purpose" does not make it so. It is
still destructive. It is destructive to both those who abuse and
those who are abused. I don't care who it is - Phil Kidd, Lee
Roberson, Paul
Washer, Mark Driscoll, Kenneth Hagin, Bill Gothard, or your own pastor -
men who are motivated to shame, berate and belittle Christians as a
constant thread in their preaching or practice are abusers. Men
who use fear and guilt to keep people performing to their expectations
are abusers. An abuser, no matter how he is defined, is an abuser
still. He may claim the title of pastor, preacher, evangelist,
missionary, etc., but if he is beating the flock of God, he is an
abuser. It is not necessary to beat the sheep in order to get
God's work done. This is not the way to feed the sheep.

1 Peter 5:2 Feed the
flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof,
not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready
mind;

And where did Peter get that?

John 21:15-17 So when
they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of
Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord;
thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. He
saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of
Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I
love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. He saith unto him the third
time, Simon, son
of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the
third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all
things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my
sheep.

Feed. Feed. Feed. Not ABUSE. Not
BEAT. Not "crush"! FEED.

"...the servant of the
Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men..."

Note: One thing that
can be deceptive is that some men who are suffering from scrupulosity
themselves may sound very kind and sincere in their desire to see you
"live for God." Stop and ask yourself what you take away the most
from their preaching. Is it a sense of the greatness of Jesus
Christ? Is it some tool or stepping stone that will improve your
own relationship or that will help someone you know? Or do you
come away with a sense of your own vileness and unworthiness? Do they
point you to look into the lovely face of Jesus, or to focus on
your
own "sinful" condition? Every time I have listened to Paul Washer
I have come away feeling terribly dirty, despite his apparently
well-meaning words. This may be a misunderstanding on my part, but
if not there is something wrong somewhere.

The Fellowship of His Suffering

Another thing that has affected the thinking of
many Christians is the glorification of suffering and pain as a means to
deal with deserved judgment. This, of course, has its roots in
monasticism and the practice of flagellation, which has been influenced
by scrupulosity as well. The performing of certain tasks, rituals

Flagellation"According to the scientists, although we think
of pain as purely physical in nature, in fact we imbue the
unpleasant sensation with meaning. Humans have been socialized
over ages to think of pain in terms of justice. We equate it
with punishment, and as the experimental results suggest, the
experience has the psychological effect of rebalancing the
scales of justice—and therefore resolving guilt. Whether or not
one believes that God works in mysterious ways, it seems that
pain is the embodiment of atonement."
[Source.]
The problem is that seeking or inflicting pain on oneself to
deal with guilt and find atonement negates the work of Jesus
Christ on the cross. It is justification by works in the
most extreme sense. Seeking the "ministry" of abusive men
to salve a trouble conscience is not different in the end.
It amounts to the same thing as flagellation - whether
self-inflicted or done by others. The Shia Muslims whip
themselves, Hindus pierce themselves, Roman Catholics use
various garments and accessories to cause pain - and Baptists, Evangelicals and Charismatic/Pentecostal types seek out
abusive preaching and pastors for what certainly seems to be a
similar purpose - self-flagellation.

and self-abuse in the name of attaining holiness and removing guilt must
be linked to scrupulosity. Combine this with the mysticism that
often influenced the monastics (as well as many in Christendom today)
and you have a recipe for a powerful spiritual ideology which tends
toward self-destructive behavior.

One of the significant things that has very
likely encouraged this way of thinking is the concept of "the fellowship
of His sufferings" and "the mortification of the flesh." Starting
far back with various monastics and Roman Catholic orders, moving into
the Protestant church and others, and then into more modern times when
various men and missionaries have been made heroes for their suffering
lives, the idea that we can attain great spiritual stature through
self-inflicted
suffering and pain has flourished. I emphasize "self-inflicted"
because there has been much that was, in reality, self-inflicted; not
God-inflicted or Satan-inflicted or man-inflicted (the last being
persecution).

Philippians 3:10-11 That I may know him, and the
power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being
made conformable unto his death; If by any means I might attain unto the
resurrection of the dead.

In their zeal to enjoy the "power
of his resurrection" and attain "the
resurrection of the dead" there have been those who have looked for "the
fellowship of his suffering", and when
it didn't take the course they expected or come as soon as they liked,
they found ways to subdue their own flesh and try to gain that power by
their own means. This may sound harsh, but it is sadly apparent.
Some of these men and women have then been exalted as great, shining
examples of "the spiritual life" because they were so hard on themselves
and their "results" were so good - and in some cases they did do a great
amount of good work (which doesn't mean God approved of their notions).
As this way of thinking became more admired, it was natural that
Christians would see that fear and guilt motived people to exhibit the outward appearances of "being right with God"
and that this "got results." Guilt is a most powerful tool; fully
equal to its partner, fear. Personally, I think this has been
going on throughout the church era to various degrees depending on the
spiritual climate of the day. It just takes different forms in
different groups so that it is compatible with their own belief system.

There are other verses that have likely been used
to encourage this mindset. Here a some I found.

2 Timothy 2:12 If we
suffer, we shall also reign with
him: if we deny him, he
also will deny us:

Romans 8:17 And if
children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so
be that we suffer with him,
that we may be also glorified together.

2 Timothy 3:12 Yea, and all that will live godly
in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.

So, to have the power of His resurrection, to
reign with Him, and to be glorified with Him, we must suffer it seems.
But, this suffering is not self-inflicted. Jesus Christ Himself
suffered willingly for us, but His suffering was not self-inflicted.
He suffered wrongfully and was persecuted - not because He was abusive
to others, not because He injured Himself, and not because He was
actively seeking situations that He could turn into suffering.

1 Peter 2:19 For this
is
thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering
wrongfully.

This is the kind of suffering we should be
enduring for Christ's sake. It will come in God's good time and in
His way. Seeking abusive preaching in order to get a sadistic
pleasure out of self-loathing or to salve a
conscience that demands pain to be "spiritual" is not what this is
talking about! This does not refer to self-destructive behaviors,
but to suffering wrongfully and enduring grief for the sake of having a
good conscience toward God. The tragic thing is that many people
who are in these abusive churches and groups have consciences that are
malfunctioning and they don't know it.

Hebrews 13:18 Pray for us: for we trust we have a
good conscience, in all things willing to live honestly.

A good conscience is mentioned a number of times
in the N.T. One thing we might take from that is that we can have
a bad conscience. A conscience that tells us that we need to be
abused and destroyed - "crushed" - in order to be "good Christians" is
certainly a bad conscience!

Hebrews 12:5-11 And ye
have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children,
My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou
art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and
scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God
dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father
chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are
partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had
fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and
we gave them
reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of
spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after
their own pleasure; but he for our
profit, that we
might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present
seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth
the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised
thereby.

I think that the
concept of the chastening of God has entered into this as well.
Some appear to think that by chastening themselves, they can attain
holiness, and I think this has also influenced the "need" for abuse in
some minds. But, according to what God has told us in His word, He
is the only one who can chasten us for our profit! This doesn't
mean that we don't strive against sin or mortify
the deeds of the flesh,
but we are not called upon to chasten ourselves, nor to submit to other
humans trying to chasten us to make us
holy. That is God's job.
(By the way, parents, your job in chastening your kids is not to conform
them to the image of Jesus Christ or to make them righteous. Only
God can do that!)

The last verse I want to mention is that of
humbling ourselves. I fully expect that the idea of humbling
ourselves has figured into this issue.

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves therefore under the
mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:

Because pride is such a tough thing to
break, I suppose it is easy to assume that some kind of abuse,
suffering, or trial by fire is required to be "truly humble."
This, of course, would play very easily into the self-destructive
mindset that seeks abuse. Strangely, though, many of those who
take the right to abuse other Christians "for their own good" often have
the stench of pride about them. Sometimes it is hard to see, but by
simple virtue of the fact that they think themselves worthy to dish out
this abuse they call themselves in question in many ways.

Finally, my last theory of something that has
affected this mindset is this: Because the church has been used as
a place to bring in sinners, men have tended to preach hell-fire sermons
in the assembly of the believers in the assumption they are preaching to
unsaved people. Combine that with the awful tendency of some men
to assume that virtually anyone in their congregation could be "lost"
and therefore need to hear "hard hitting" salvation messages, and we
find churches where most of the preaching is geared toward putting
sinners in fear of eternal damnation. Christians who listen to a
steady diet of this have been known to "get saved" repeatedly (some of
us call these "retreads"). Well, it is no surprise that with this
kind of preaching going on that some men would slide over into berating
and blasting the saints, thinking that beating them verbally will make them
better Christians.

And maybe I should mention this in that context -
sometimes men who are hiding something are terrible abusers since they
judge everyone else by their own half bushel.

Conclusion

All things taken together, what appears is a
man-made method for becoming "deeply spiritual" which involves the
giving and receiving of spiritual abuse. The thinking that says,
"I need to be beat up by the
pastor
in order to be 'right with God'" is a very, very sad thing.
Speaking from my own experiences with scrupulosity, I will also assure
you that it does not lead to joy! Nor does it guarantee "victory
over the flesh."

When I was starting into the scrupulosity my
youngest brother went to my mom one day and said, "What's wrong with
Mary. She's no fun any more." As a young child he didn't
understand the right terminology, but the truth was that I was losing my
sense of humor, my joy and my love of life. I was morbid and
self-focused and I was beginning to impose my own conscience upon those
around me. My parents worked hard with me to help me overcome this
terrible weakness in my character. A few years later that same
brother told my mom that I was back to myself again, in so many words.
True, I went through some deep anxiety and other things after that, but
my brother could see when the deep effects of the scrupulosity were
lifted.

Christian friend, do you think that you
need to be spiritually brutalized in order to "please God" and "be a
better Christian"? Do you crave being "so
convicted"? Do you think you need to be "crushed" by the pastor or you
don't feel like you're really growing in the faith? Is "the altar"
your confessional where you think you must go
to attain victory? This is not a healthy relationship with the
Lord. This is a sad, sad way to live, and it is not the freedom
that Christ died to give you. God never intended for you to allow
yourself to be in bondage to man.

In fact, we read in 2 Corinthians 11:20,
For ye suffer, if a man bring you into bondage, if a man devour you,
if a man take of you,
if a man exalt himself, if a man smite you on the face.
The suffering here is not referring to suffering as in pain or
discomfort. It means that these Christians were enduring or
"putting up with" abusive people. But it is curious that he should
use the word "suffer;" it fits remarkably well with
this topic. In the verse just before this, these kind of men are named as
fools.
2 Corinthians 11:19 For ye suffer fools gladly, seeing ye yourselves
are wise. The Corinthians were putting up with fools - fools
who were abusing them badly - because they thought they were wise!
If you read the tone of the passage in context, it is not a compliment
to them, but more of a shameful thing - shameful that they were letting
these fools abuse them.

John 8:34-36 Jesus
answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin
is the servant of sin. And the servant abideth not in the house for
ever: but
the Son abideth ever. If the Son
therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Galatians 5:1 Stand fast therefore in the liberty
wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the
yoke of bondage.

Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit
of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption,
whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

If there is one thing I learned from the
scrupulosity it is that we cannot live in righteousness, joy and peace
in the Holy Ghost while we are focused on ourselves and what we "need to
suffer" to be "spiritual." Self-destructive behavior, no matter
what form it takes, never leads to happiness or peace. It is a
burden too heavy to be borne; it is bondage. Romans 14:17 For the
kingdom of God is not meat and drink;
but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

Jesus said, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are
heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn
of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto
your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew
11:28-30 We often use this in
reference to people being born again, but the truth is that there are
many who are already saved who need to learn of the meek, restful, and
gentle ways of Jesus Christ. Oh, friend, God is not waiting with a
club to crush you should you make one false step! He loves you and
cares for you beyond anything you can comprehend or think. He
wants you to be His friend!

John 15:12-16 This is
my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater
love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his
friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his
lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have
heard of my Father I have made known unto you. Ye have not chosen me,
but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring
forth fruit, and that
your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in
my name, he may give it you.

Yes, He wants us to keep His commandment, but
what did He command? To love one another as He has loved us.
And, it is His will to make us fruitful. We do not need to beat
ourselves up, nor to allow others to beat us up, to attain that.
It Is HIS Will! And if your fruit is not what "they" expect, that
is their problem, not yours and not God's!

If you need help dealing with this, please seek
it among those true believers who have been through the difficult
process of deprogramming from this. Spiritual abuse is much more
common than you think and there are Christians who are willing and able
to help.

If you know someone who is living this way,
please do what you can to show them the love of Christ - the true, kind,
gentle love of Christ. I don't know what it feels like to be
inside the mindset that accepts and desires abuse as a form of spiritual
growth and satisfaction, but I do know the horrible feeling of living
with scrupulosity - that feeling of being a rubber band stretched taut
and never ever able to let go, of never quite achieving the perfection
desired. I see the effects of that in many of these hurting
people, but their experience is far, far worse than mine ever was!
My heart grieves for them and the way they are living. If you have
not experienced it, you cannot imagine what a relief, what a tremendous,
overwhelming relief, it is to not be bound by one's own fears of
"failing God" - to be able to see Him at last as He is - as much as a
human mind can - as the kind, loving Father He is to every one of His
children.

Someone may be thinking that by writing this I
will encourage others to be careless, to let go of their "convictions"
and to live however they see fit. If you think that, you need to
examine your own heart. Those who think that the only way to keep
other Christians "in line" is to abuse them, break them down, and put
them in bondage, do not themselves understand what the Christian life is
about. Love is not deserved. Love is not earned. Love
is not something we get by suffering and "getting right with God."

1 John 4:17-21 Herein is our love made perfect,
that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so
are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth
out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect
in love. We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love
God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his
brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his
brother also.

Romans
13:10 Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the
fulfilling of the law.

James 2:13 For he shall have judgment without
mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment.