“Galvatron. Where Megatron seemed hesitant and even bumbling, Galvatron was a pure robotic psychopath. He didn’t screw around, either… in five minutes of movie time, he pulled off what Megatron couldn’t do in two seasons: Kill Starscream and the Autobot leader. Then he took off to go kill Unicron! The ball bearings on that guy!”

Ryan is a writer and graphic designer, but in reality he staves off homelessness by being an accounts receivable clerk. Also, he hates writing about himself in the third person. Memories from his childhood are hazy enough to suspect something really terrible went on that he has blocked out, and every attempt to nail down a time-stamp results in, “I think I was like ten when that happened.” So the safest guess is that he got into Transformers through endless syndicated episodes on afternoon television.

A huge number of Ryan’s G1 Transformers were gathered from garage sales when he was a kid, so Optimus had no hands or gun, and Devastator was missing his goddamn head. But it’s not like the G1 toy Devastator could actually be played with without immediately falling apart, so just as well.

You don’t have to have hands to say awesome things like, “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”

Caleb is a childhood friend of Aaron and Ryan and lives in a van down by the river. Not particularly a die-hard Transformers fan, he participates because the van is cold and lonely and the podcast allows him the chance to sneak food out of Aaron’s kitchen and use an indoor bathroom.

“The van is cold and lonely,” says Caleb. “The podcast allows me the chance to sneak food out of Aaron’s kitchen and use an indoor bathroom.”

His first Transformer was Huffer, which he quickly lost out in the yard and then found several years later while playing with his Stompers.

“I had completely forgotten about its existence.”

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