10 Things I’ve Learned Since My Divorce

I got married when I was very young. My now ex is a wonderful person and even though I know that, I believe that divorce was still a good decision. That said, I have learned a lot in the 5+ years since I’ve been divorced. In no particular order,

1) Children really are the coolest thing ever and NO, your dogs aren’t like children.

2) The most important thing you can bring into a relationship is your true self. If you’ve just ended a relationship, be sure you’re over it before bringing it to a new relationship. When your friends tell you that “you just need to find someone new” its BS. Mourn, be sad, it’s your time to rediscover or find things you love.

3) You learn who your real friends are. It can hurt sometimes but pay close attention to those who add to your life and those who don’t.

4) Learn how to communicate in a friendly way and know how to say when you want to talk about it but you aren’t ready to “talk about it.” If you aren’t ready, set a time when you will address it.

5) Don’t be in a hurry. Friendships take time to build and the best relationships are between friends that fall in love.

6) Only break up once. Whether you’re momentarily feeling lonely and filled with regret or they are, there’s a reason you broke up in the first place. Learn to love yourself and don’t rush back in because it feels “safe.”

7) Understand your partners point of view better than your own. Don’t argue. Does it really matter who left their towel on the floor? There’s a path to resolution without arguing, always look for it.

8) Try your hardest to resist electronic forms of communication. Its ok to text message when you’re running late or you’re thinking about them but in my experience, the only thing that comes from texting is misunderstanding.

9) Turn everything off as frequently as possible. Practice dropping everything and just hang out together. It’s your responsibility to yourselves and each other to make sure you both make this a habit. There are no exceptions to this. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time but no relationship will survive without it.

10) There’s a lot different grass, the amount of nurturing it gets is what makes it green.