July 30th through September 8th, 2016. 39 days of summer. About one-tenth of a year. Less than a season, hardly more than a month.

In that time, I lost 7 loved ones. Seven. That is one person every 5 days.

Impermanence is the reality of life, but so much at once felt almost unbearable. I knew I needed space to integrate all of the loss and grief I was feeling. I remembered back to when I worked a 40-hour a week job and we had bereavement leave – you were given 5 paid days of vacation for the loss of a close loved one. As an entrepreneur, the luxury of “paid time off” has been a thing of the past for me for a long, long time.

At first, I tried to push on. I took hours off for the funerals and viewings and then went right back into coaching my clients, performing weddings, and running my businesses. But after the fifth loss, I knew I needed more space. I initiated my “emergency plan,” which every entrepreneur should have, and made the necessary arrangements. My partner graciously agreed to take over my parenting duties, my assistant managed the office, my clients were moved to a date after my return, and I headed off the grid for two days.

I went on retreat. I retreated into myself. My inner compass was telling me: “Laura, you can handle this; but sister, you need some SPACE.” Grieving isn’t something that you just squeeze in between appointments. “I have an opening at 2:30pm, I’ll pencil in grieving.” No.

We need space to be able to process our emotions. We need space to be able to breathe, cry, and come home to our own inner wisdom. There is a place inside of each of us that knows that impermanence is more true than all of the things we pretend are totally solid: our businesses, our marriages, our families, our own life. Businesses fail. Divorce happens. Loved ones die. We die.

Bummer, I know.

But creating the space to simply be with the reality of impermanence serves a very important function: it moves us toward acceptance. It reminds us to be present and grateful. It asks us to let love come and let it fill us and then to let it leave, as mysteriously and magically as it came. As one of my favorite teachers, Pema Chödrön says, “Things are always either coming together or falling apart.”

During contemplation on my retreat the saying returned to my mind, “If you love something, let it go.” I saw the places inside myself that were still holding on to those I loved. What would it really mean to let them go? How does one take on the important task of letting someone you love go?

It begins with realizing the gift that their presence brought to your life, the gift of love, is not a gift given only by them. It is a gift given to you as your divine birthright. A gift that was being delivered to you through them. Every single one of us is worthy and deserving of love. Let us be grateful for the blessing of all of the love in our lives and for the period of time that love came through that person. Let us be grateful that while people die, love does not.

Three Tips For Letting Go (When All You Want To Do is Hold On:

1. Stay Open

I once had an incredibly vivid dream where a vicious dog was about to attack me. My entire body was tight and clenching as the feeling of fear filled every cell. This dog wanted to tear me to shreds. I could feel that my face was about to be mauled, and every part of me wanted to resist in terror. I didn’t want to feel ANY of this. In that moment I heard a clear voice say, “Let the dog eat your face. Surrender.”

It felt unnatural, how could I not try to protect myself? Then the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I could continue to resist and exist in absolute terror and pain and get my face ripped off, or I could surrender. The voice, ominous but wise, had struck a chord. Some part of me did want to stop fighting and just let the pain happen. In a moment, I exhaled. All my cells released as I faced what I thought was my impending death. The dog knocked me over and pounced on top of me, and just as he was about to indeed eat my face, he stopped. A whistle had blown in the distance and his attention was redirected – then he ran away. It was through my surrender that I was saved.

Sometimes we don’t realize how we are keeping ourselves from moving through grief, and resisting the feels (all of them) is a major way we stay stuck in a state of suffering.

When we are suffering with pain or fear, we shut down. We try to protect our hearts from more pain. It’s natural, but when you stay open and “let the dog eat your face,” you may find that things aren’t as painful as you anticipate them to be. Or they might be, but the pain only lasts a while and then it’s gone. The truth is that the only way out is through. Let all of the feelings come, and they will pass.

2. Adopt this mantra: “I don’t know shit about shit.”

I thought the dog was going to eat my face. I was SURE the dog was going to eat my face. I was wrong. I was sure I would never get over the pain of my cat dying when I was 9. I remember saying to my mother, “Will the pain ever stop?” I sure didn’t think so, and guess what, wrong again. My marriage? That was definitely going to last forever. Nope. The universe has a special way of making us eat our words. It’s a reminder to be humble and to have faith.

Constantly remind yourself, “I don’t know shit about shit.” This mantra can be especially helpful to remember when we are in the process of surrender. We make up so many stories in our mind about the way things are in our lives. When we are dealing with loss, fear, pain, or grief, we don’t realize how many assumptions we have that are actually making it harder on us to let go. It’s much more helpful to take an attitude of humility.

We really don’t know shit about shit. I mean honestly. We think we do, but do we? We think we will be here tomorrow, but do you know that for sure? “This too shall pass” cuts both ways. Surrender to the unknown. Stop trying to manage and control every aspect of your experience – including (and especially) your suffering. The realization that we really don’t know anything for sure can be very liberating. If we don’t know, then we also can’t know how to control, or what would be best. It requires us to shift our mental attitude from solidity to fluidity. That fluidity begins to open the doorway for our next important task: Forgiveness.

3. Forgive

Another thing that makes loss of any kind difficult is that we often have conflicted emotions. Relationships are complicated. Anger is a natural stage of grief. It seems crazy to be mad at someone for dying, but guess what? We often are. Then, because we know we “shouldn’t be” angry, we then start a war within ourselves. The best antidote for the pain of loss is the soothing salve of forgiveness. Start with yourself. Forgive yourself for EVERYTHING. Easier said than done, I get it. But we have to start somewhere, and we can’t possibly forgive anyone else until we forgive ourselves. Here’s a place to start: The Ho’O’pono’pono prayer. This is a traditional Hawaiian healing technique that instructs that you repeat the following four phrases to yourself with your hand on your heart. “I am sorry.” “I love you.” “Please forgive me.” “Thank You.” Say it over and over again until you really feel it.

Practice this first for yourself and then with the loved one/situation you need healing with in mind. You will likely need to do this many times. Don’t just rush through it. Intention is everything with this practice. Come to this prayer with the attitude of openness and vulnerability acquired from the first two steps. Then sit back and watch things begin to shift in your heart.

Staying open, remembering that you actually don’t know shit about shit, and forgiving yourself and others will start to do the real work of letting go that must be done in order to heal.

As Igor Stravinsky said:

I am in the present. I cannot know what tomorrow will bring forth. I can know only what the truth is for me today. That is what I am called upon to serve, and I serve it in all lucidity.”

The truth is that death and loss area part of life, not separate from it. This wisdom surrounds us always, but it’s always most salient for me in fall. As you go walking through nature this autumn, pay attention to those dead leaves crunching beneath your feet. Notice how they become part of the forest floor, which feeds the same tree from which they fell. That same tree will become a home for birds this winter, will be reborn next spring, and will shade us next summer before we meet the fall again.

While loss can feel isolating when we are going through it, it is important to remember that loss and impermanence really are an essential part of life. Seasons end. Things come and go. We’re coming together and falling apart. Learning how to be present with these changes, to see them for what they are – part of the beautiful miracle that is life – gives us peace in times of sorrow. Get outside and take a lesson from nature. She doesn’t waste time fretting over what is gone or anticipating what’s to come. She rests in this present moment and when it is the perfect time she knows exactly how to surrender and let go. And so do you.

I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Keith Lightning for his Radical Liberation series, check out the video below. We talked mostly about the book, but you know I like to go deep. Great conversation with a great friend. Love!

The word “conscious” has become a bit of a buzzword lately. It’s common to find the word on everything from clothing to cosmetics, but what does it mean to be conscious?

Consciousness roughly equates to “awareness,” and in the context of a company or a product it normally refers to a business’ awareness of the impact that it has on the environment, its employees, and so on. What the word conscious means when applied to a person is a bit different. When we say that someone is conscious, it means that person is capable of being fully present and aware – not only of their external circumstances, but also of their internal emotions, biases, and motivations.

Therefore, a Conscious Entrepreneur is not simply a business owner who takes into account the impact that their business has on the world, while that is certainly important in today’s economy. Rather, a Conscious Entrepreneur is a businessperson who actively cultivates self-awareness as part of a practice of continual personal growth.

Someone who is in touch with themselves and understands their own strengths and weaknesses can better recognize whatever is hindering their progress. When it comes to achieving outstanding results, it’s often the willingness to look inward – for understanding, guidance, motivation, courage and strength – that makes the difference between facing failure or finding true success.

The New Professional Superpower

It’s no mystery that entrepreneurs and businesspeople are constantly searching for a competitive edge in business, whether it’s a new technology, a new market, or a new partnership. More and more, these boundary-pushing trailblazers are looking for ways to not only improve their businesses, but to improve themselves as well. Seeing self-improvement and skill-building as a way to “growth hack” their businesses and careers, a new generation of ambitious go-getters has contributed to the explosive popularity of authors like Tim Ferriss and Brendon Burchard, as well as renewed interest in peak-performance coaches such as Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield.

This emphasis on personal development has now taken an exciting new turn, with more and more of the world’s top entrepreneurs focusing their attention on a potent combination of modern psychology and the ancient wisdom of Eastern philosophy. Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, Russell Simmons, and Arianna Huffington are only a few examples of massively successful entrepreneurs who openly credit a significant amount of their success to mindfulness, meditation, and personal growth.

Central to these principles is the concept of “self-actualization,” popularized by American psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow theorized that once our basic physiological and emotional needs have been met, our primary motivation is to self-actualize – simply put, to reach our highest potential. In essence, this means that the desire for self-improvement and personal growth is not simply a luxury afforded to a small group of ambitious and self-motivated people, but is a critical part of our identity as human beings. The drive to achieve our highest potential, to “be your best self” as Oprah Winfrey puts it, isn’t just a pleasant-sounding idea, but is instead the fiery core burning in each of our hearts.

For anyone who is interested in maximizing the success of their businesses or careers, this makes sense – but understanding Maslow’s hierarchy and reaching the top are two very different things. Reaching the point of self-actualization is often dependent on each person’s willingness to face challenges and their individual level of consciousness.

Putting it into Practice

Bringing conscious awareness into your personal and professional life can produce amazing results, leading to greater success as well as more balance and a wider perspective. Rather than engaging in a purely philosophical exploration of these concepts, The Conscious Entrepreneur includes interactive exercises and real-world business examples to help you understand and apply these principles to your business and your life right away. You’ll find concrete, action-oriented advice for making difficult choices, managing relationships, and finding a greater sense of peace and well-being.