hmm the only reason i would go out tonight, was because i had an invitation to do so with someone i wanna have more in my life.
he hasnt called and i m not pursuing it.
have no interest in going out, as you well gathered.

Just back from the nurse practitioner where I received a steroid shot and a script for a antibiotic. I'm all congested and not feeling to well and will be starting vacation on Sunday. If this were any other weekend, I would be calling in sick. However, seeing how I'm about to be off for a stretch of time, I will tough it out.

I slept in today for the first time in three weeks. Every Saturday I've had a wedding or a meeting to go to for the past several weeks. It was great! I would have slept longer but I had some shit to do, and two family parties to go to, so I've had plenty of time to drink beers ..err relax today

I slept in today for the first time in three weeks. Every Saturday I've had a wedding or a meeting to go to for the past several weeks. It was great! I would have slept longer but I had some shit to do, and two family parties to go to, so I've had plenty of time to drink beers ..err relax today

this has been happening too much to me lately. Last night I was invited to a friend's place but didn't go because I was tired and had work this morning. I told that same person we'd hang out today....but then I come home from work and passed out. It's now 10:22 pm. I could go out....or I can do laundry....

Note: I did go out to a fantastic reggae show on Thursday night at the Santa Monica Pier to see Jimmy Cliff. It was epic good, like several thousand people there, the biggest Pier show I've been to, and I've seen several! I had the muscle it through work the next day on coffee and moxie. Really, all the shows and clubs I go to are usually on weeknights and I go to Church at dawn on Sundays so usually don't go out on Fridays or Saturdays..

maybe it goes a little bit more deeper for me. like social issues. or trying to prove something.

That is what it is for a lot of people. We perpetuate our inner junior high schooler who dates to prove something both to themselves and the observing world. Hence centered. If we date people out of principle rather than sincerity, we only objectify them and its why so many of our relationships don't work, because they never were meant to, they were forced and feigned. I often think this same way, and then push myself to get balanced. If my heart and mind don't flow in unity, I'm no good for anybody else anyway. I'm just using them to stoke my ego, or to try and quell the egos of other. Ego is empty, it decays on its own, it doesn't need to be quelled and especially never stoked.

love must be like dark matter because i feel everything in my heart being pushed away from me.

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I know what you mean, every once in awhile I feel effervescent, like I am evaporating from the inside out into a non-material form. It used to concern me, but it never necessarily felt negative, so now I just roll with it. I mean honestly, it I was to disappear completely, how exactly could I try and stop it anyway?