if only

There I was looking at my dad. He was just lying there like if he was sleeping, one big red stain on his shirt and I knew he was dead. Worst of all I knew it was my entire fault. Today that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life. You know the saying the choices you make don’t only affects you but the people you care about.

I was going to start high school when we moved to Reno, Nevada. I wasn’t to be happy about it. I have been living in Las Vegas my whole life. I’m a smart pretty looking girl, but I’m really shy as well. I hated the idea of moving far from my family, friends and most importantly my brother.

The first day of school is tomorrow I was scared I’ll get lost and also, because I didn’t have any friends except one her name is Maria. I met her in the candy store in front of my house. Though I just moved here I like going to sweet tooth that’s the name of the store. Maria is the daughter of the owner. Unlike me Maria is pretty, out going and she isn’t shy at all.

It was 6:15 school doesn’t start until 7:50. I got up and I got in the shower I took about 10 minutes in the shower. I got dressed I put on my new clothes. I wore black skinny jeans on a pink shirt and my new pink flats. Maria was wearing the same only blue. I was running late so I just combed my hair got my backpack and heeded for the door. Were Maria was waiting for me. We both got on the bus, we sat together. The bus ride wasn’t long about five minutes or so. The bus stopped in front of this tall brown building..’ That’s it that’s Clark high school’’ the girl sitting in front of us. ‘’Ghetto name for a school huh’’ Maria said ‘’yeah it is’’ I said back

We got of the bus and walked into the tall building. Soon after a lot of people were coming up to us and saying hi and asking who I was. Maria got on a table and yelled ‘’I want you guys to met Carmen she new and she a close friend you mess with her you mess with me you know the drill.’’ Most of them came up to me to say hi and asking was I was from others just looked at me sort of funny. The bell rang and there I was heading off to my first class. I sat on the back. Bertha sat next to me and we began talking. I saw you with the crips that’s the first thing she told me. ‘’Oh there crips I didn’t know.’’ I responded ‘’well all I could say is to be careful they aren’t the type of people you could trust’’ she said quickly and she left to sit in the front.

This tall guy sat next to me, were bertha was sitting. He hi to me, I soon found that his name is Carlos. He told me about his gang and he told me that I should get in. at first I didn’t want to but at the end I said yeah. What do I have to do he told me you could go out with me and then talk to Maria. So that’s what I did, wow first day of school and I already had a boyfriend. My next class was with Maria it was history. We sat together and I told her about my plans. I asked her what I would have to do to get in. she told me I would have to get jumped in. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get jumped but I did just so I could be a part of them. Now I was part of them and I was happy. A month went by and I was still happy. I was in love with Carlos, and I think he was as well. I was planning for my quinces. (My 15 birthday) my mom and dad were so I’m the only girl and the youngest as well. I told my friends about my party and they were cool with it. Maria told me that there are a lot people that don’t like me because I’m a crip. She also said that a lot of people would want to ruin my party. I didn’t believe her so the planes for my party were still on. The day of my party came and I was really happy. My party wasn’t until three hours but I couldn’t wait till it stated. I put on my blue dress my shoes, my mom and my brother’s wife helped me with my makeup. When I was ready I looked so beautiful. It was like 8:30 at night and it was time for the father daughter dance. We were in the middle of the dance when we heard guns coming on. My boyfriend Carlos came to get me and said ‘’ baby go get down under that table with Maria.’’ I did just as he told me. All I could hear were my cusions, friends and my family screaming. I had begun crying. The guns stopped and Carlos came to get me. He was crying as well. I came out under the table and saw someone on the dance floor I ran to see who it was. As soon I saw who it was I dropped to my keens it was my dad. He got shot just below his heart. The last words my dad told me were ’’ baby don’t cry for just think of it like I’m know in a better place’’ and he closed his eyes. You can’t imagine how bad I felt seeing the person you love most die on the day that was supposed to be happiest day of my life. I made the choice of getting in the gang if I wouldn’t have maybe my dad wouldn’t be dead right know. The choices I made didn’t only affect me but the people I care about. I regret not listening to Maria. It was my entire fault.

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