I had the privilege of going away, up to the beautiful mountains, for our church’s women’s retreat early November. I wasn’t even sure I would be able to go, but through the prayers of faithful saints and by God’s grace, I was able to attend. I’m so
thankful that I did!! I will treasure that time for as long as I can remember. It was one of the most special and significant events in my life. And yes, there was SNOW!!!!

As I shared early this year with you all, the word God gave me for 2014 was “hope”, but to be quite honest, 2014 has been a very difficult year for me emotionally and spiritually, and I had not felt very hopeful. I’d been looking for it, searching for that hope, but as November approached, I wondered where the “hope” I was supposed to have found was. With just two months left in the year, I wondered if I would even find this “hope” before the year was over … I began to think perhaps it wouldn’t happen.

The theme for retreat was “Shine”, which, more specifically, related to our identity in Christ. God anointed each of the speakers and the message that each one had to share. It was a truly transforming time and God moved in mighty ways in the hearts of the ladies there.

During our very first night’s session, God spoke very clearly to me as I searched my heart in response to what had been shared. He told me that I was to leave the “old woman” behind and not take her home with me. It was one of those crystal clear moments between me and the Lord and the moment He spoke to my heart, my heart was pierced through, because I knew exactly what He was talking about.

You may remember THIS POST where I shared about “The Other Woman”. As much as I had grown in the Lord and found some freedom from the oppression of living in her shadow, I was still comparing myself to how I used to be, still wishing I was better, that I was different. I wasn’t content with how I was. Throughout the year, I’ve struggled with giving up the ideal that I had in my mind for myself. I hadn’t completely let go of the “old woman” and I knew it.

So when God said that I had to leave her up there on that mountain and not take her back home with me, I knew I had some serious business to do with Him, because this decision was so wrapped around my emotions and feelings. I began praying for the strength and grace to say “goodbye” to her, because part of that was hard. I felt like by saying “goodbye” to her, I was losing part of myself.

The next day, during our free time in the afternoon, I spent that hour at a picnic bench by a pond, praying and journaling. I wrote a farewell letter to the “old woman” and officially said “goodbye” and ended our relationship. I took pictures of that spot, wanting to remember where I left her and the fact that I did. I like to say that I left her at the bottom of the pond.

The freedom that came with completely letting her go has been incredible! The burden that was keeping me down is gone. My heart was filled with HOPE as I came away more aware of who I was in Christ, how God saw me, how He was using all my circumstances to create the woman He wants me to be. There is joy in surrender. There is freedom in letting go and fully embracing God’s will for my life, whatever it looks like. In my letter, I told the “old woman” to not come looking for me, because I didn’t want to be her anymore. I want to be who God wants me to be. That is the most important identity I need to focus on. Any other identity is settling for less than God’s best and I’m not willing to settle for less anymore.

I know. That’s the opposite of what we’ve been told, right? If a door opens, you walk through it! Actually, you should run! No questions asked. No hesitation. No delay. Because you never know when the door will close. Hurry up! Get on through that door…

Whoa, hang on! Actually, that’s not true. I believe open doors are sometimes put in our lives to test us. Open doors don’t necessarily HAVE to be entered nor intended for us to enter. There are times when entering that open door may very well be a very bad step in the wrong direction. Some doors mysteriously open on their own, almost in a way to swallow you whole. Can anyone relate to this sensation?

Why am I even talking about this??

Various opportunities come along that range from humble requests to spectacular propositions. I had one of the latter offered to me last year and almost immediately, I knew it wasn’t God’s will for me. Now getting my heart to agree and not yearn after something not meant for me is another story, but I digress. When I relayed this situation to one of my songwriting friends, she asked me how I knew that particular open door wasn’t God’s will for me. It was a fair question, because in all honesty, the offer was something that dreams are made of. I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t been tempting. It sure was. And that’s why I was so glad I knew God’s will for me, because as much as my flesh wanted that dream, I wanted God’s best for me more and whenever I thought about the amazing opportunity, the peace of God would disappear … poof … like a magic trick with that puff of smoke.

And that’s one of the ways I knew it wasn’t God’s will. That perfect peace that settles and quiets us, the peace that makes us feel secure … that peace would always leave when I contemplated walking through that open door. My husband felt somewhat unsettled as well and you don’t have to be married long to understand that God gives us a partner to help us make those difficult decisions when we, ourselves, may not be the most objective. He had some questions that I hadn’t thought to ask and points that helped me look more objectively at the whole thing. I also sought the counsel of another trusted songwriting friend and his advice confirmed what I already knew in my heart to be true. No. This open door wasn’t for me.

And I’m in good company, because another songwriting friend whom I highly value and admire was presented with a tremendous offer (a producer, a label, the works!!), but she prayed about it for three days and at the end of the day, didn’t walk through that open door either. But God is opening something else up for her that is, in my opinion, even more amazing, simply because He is doing it and the story behind it is incredible.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful.” Col. 3:15

Trust the built in alarm that is called “peace” when you’re faced with an open door. If it’s going off with a blaring warning and your heart is not settled, don’t take one step toward that door! Trust the people God has placed in your life who give you wise counsel. They have foresight that you might not have, simply because you just don’t see the bigger picture at the moment. You’re too caught up in the sight of the amazing open door to your dreams, but those wise people see details that present caution, because they’re looking at the door and all the ramifications it contains objectively, not with eyes full of stars like you might be. I’m thankful for the special people in my life who know my dreams, but aren’t afraid to tell me that a certain open door is simply not for me.

Sometimes we don’t understand God’s answer, sometimes His answers go against our reasoning, our deepest desires. But we can trust that God is our Dad and loves us more than we even know. If God is saying “no” to an open door in front of us, we can rest knowing that God knows what is on the other side and that it’s not His best for us. He’s not keeping us from something to punish us, but because He LOVES us. =)

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I'm Adriel Hong and I am a child of God and believer in Jesus Christ. I'm also a wife, a homeschool mom, and a Christian singer/songwriter.

I'd like to welcome you to my music notes, a little corner of cyberspace where I share my songwriting journey, which includes free music, stories behind the songs, personal testimonies, music videos, and my musings. I pray that God would bless you and encourage you through this site and the songs that I am privileged to write down for Him. Check out my blog posts, listen to music, watch a video, or just poke around to make your own discoveries! Thanks for visiting and have a very blessed day! =)

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