There Should Be More Options For A Relationship Status At The Gyno

I have something to say before I put my feet in the stirrups.

Danielle Kam

Feb 17, 2019 | 5:00 PM

Photo by Yury Goryanoy/Stocksy

I’m sitting in the gynecologist’s office in my paper robe, trying not to flash my doctor even though she’s about five minutes away from seeing me fully nude (and then some). I perch patiently on the edge of the exam chair while she runs through the normal questions in increasingly-difficult-to-answer order.

“When was your last period?”“Umm, er, well, I mean, I’m not sure. Probably like a month ago?” Am I a bad woman for not knowing this?

“Are you in a relationship?”

Afeeling of doom washes over me. This is where I become completely stumped. I haven’t been able to answer that question with a definitive “yes” or “no” in quite some time. I know my doctor has my best interests in mind, that the sole purpose of the query is to gauge the number of sexual partners I have, and that a talk will follow about the necessary safer-sex precautions. But even so, I get extremely tongue-tied. I stumble through a really lengthy and awkward explanation that surely gives my OB-GYN a deep-dive into my current place in the dating world.

Sometimes, it’s: “Yeah, well, not really, I mean I’m seeing this guy — we actually met about four months ago — but I haven’t had sex with anyone else and I don’t think he has. But we haven’t talked about it yet, so yeah.”

Other times, it’s: “Well, I’ve had sex with one other guy since I started seeing my current dude, but that’s over. I totally ghosted him!”

I mean, how do you tell a 40-something medical professional that you’re playing the field and avoiding emotional attachment at the moment? Not that I think she’d judge me but, in a way, she feels like an authority figure. And if she’s going to get all up close and personal with me and my vagina, shouldn’t I be able to share my tales? She’s going the same place where the very men I’m talking to her about have been.

It feels weird — and wrong — that there’s no form to complete upon check-in (or, better yet, on Zocdoc before you even show up) to sidestep this problem. Then, I wouldn’t become sweaty and say questionable things like, “Haha being naked is weird, isn’t it?” I’d bypass the discomfort of having to explain a situation that most definitely isn’t black and white, and I could give my doctor a super clear idea of where I’m at.

So here’s my big, disruptive idea that admittedly probably will not become Silicon Valley’s next unicorn. Either way, I figure it’s useful.