On Thursday night, my husband and I lost our baby. We are both incredibly sad and traumatized by the whole thing. We ended up delivering the baby at home in the bathtub, and I just cannot begin to get the image of the baby coming out of me out of my mind. I wake up sweating because of it and am having trouble sleeping.

We were soooo incredibly excited about our baby. We have a son who is almost 15 months old and when we delivered the baby, we found out he was going to have a little brother. That's what makes it so sad...

I'm going to post my story on the exactly what did you see board later on, because nothing I have read so far, was my experience.

We are going to bury the baby today in our backyard (we could not bear to just throw it away and the baby is too big to flush down the toilet, which we wouldn't have been able to do anyway).

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too kept replaying the whole thing in my head. I kept hearing and feeling it over and over. My therapist called it a traumatic experience. I don't know why, but once I realized that it was traumatic, I began to let go of the replay. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

Sorry for your loss. I also had a lot of trouble sleeping after my 12wk loss. I had nightmares, would wake up sweating and I was afraid of the dark for several weeks. Counselling and time both helped, but as it has been said - it is a trauma.
I think writing your experience can be healing, and also helpful to others in similar situations.

We had a 10 wk demise with a backyard burial. It was really beautiful, but it took me a while to even let DH bury the baby. Still we felt so lucky to have the body, during the process we were hospitalized overnight, and I don't think they let you keep it.

(((Hugs)))
It sounds like your demise and delivery happened very close together, so maybe that means something vis a vis the cause?

Today is the one month anniversary of my miscarriage--I was 14w5d pregnant and so I feel like I'm probably familiar with what you experienced. Our baby was also a boy--our third son. We named him Noah and took two pictures of him, which I'm glad to have. Giving birth to him was very much like my other births, just the baby was small (4 inches). I think frequently about the moment he was born--how it felt, how he looked, etc. I don't remember it as a traumatic experience exactly--it was a birth and a letting go and it is almost "comforting" in a way for me to remember his birth (each time it is "proof" that he was here and I was pregnant or something?)

We buried our baby to the left of our front yard, by our labyrinth (we live in the woods in the country, so we don't exactly have a "yard" but more like land in front of and behind the house). I wrote a little bit about the ceremony we had for him here. I have more to say that I haven't had a chance to add yet. My dad cleaned up his body and we put him into a walnut Shaker box that my dad made, along with a liner and blanket that my mom crocheted. Then, we all added items to the box--a picture of our other kids, some springs of lavender, a penny from 2009, a venus of willendorf bead, a womb labyrinth postcard, etc.

Anyway, if you would like to talk more, I'm here!

Thinking of you and your baby.

Molly--mama to two sons (9/03 and 5/06), one tiny son forever in my heart (14w5d, 11/09), and one early m/c 2/10. Gave birth to my rainbow baby girl in 2011 and surprised to welcome another rainbow in October, 2014!

I'm so very sorry. Take care of yourself and your dh. Do whatever you need to, to find comfort, we all grieve differently. There is a lot of support on this board, all mama's that are feeling this same kind of pain.

My loss was at 18 weeks and I had problems eating and sleeping for the first several weeks. While I'm still devastated with our loss three months later, I do eat and sleep better. Grief comes in different stages, both physically and emotionally.

I am so sorry for his loss. He has a beaufitul name. I also lost a baby at almost 14 weeks. We buried her over my dh's grandmother's grave. I am so thankful we were able to have her at home and have a burial for her. I think it really helped the grieving process.