Rape survivor: Abortion intensified my pain

“When I was 12 a youth/music minister in his early 20s offered to teach me guitar lessons. My parents readily agreed for his church position was all the credential they needed. Soon the music lessons turned into rape sessions. My past history of abuse increased my vulnerability.

Surprisingly, I conceived. But an unmarried pregnant daughter would have forced my parents out of the mission field, and they were trapped. They had taught me to value life. Yet when they took me to the doctor to confirm pregnancy, they conspired with him to perform a chemical abortion. They told me they didn’t know if I was pregnant or not but the pills would cause me no harm if I were. I celebrated the day my baby died, thinking my period had started. Soon I was put in the hospital with a severe uterine infection. Naïvely, I didn’t put the pieces together until much later – much too late to save my baby.”

Her parents had her aborted without every giving her a choice. She goes on to explain how she suffered after the abortion:

“The abortion has greatly affected every area of my life. I’ve battled suicide, longing for the intense pain to end. I couldn’t save myself from the abuse and rape. I couldn’t save my baby from the abortion. Powerlessness overwhelmed me. Guilt plagued me. Emptiness consumed me as the realization hit that I wouldn’t see or hold him this side of heaven.”

She says:

“People argue that in the face of rape and incest, abortion is not only acceptable but kind. Having lived through all three, I know firsthand that abortion was far more damaging than abuse or rape. Had I been given the choice even of adoption, I wouldn’t be dealing with the death of a child. My life was at risk because the abortion’s pain pushed me toward full-blown anorexia. In the attempt to spare me through abortion, I was almost consumed. What is more final than death? The belief is that it would be cruel to force a child to carry a baby conceived in violence. I have found the opposite to be true. The abortion didn’t relieve the pain of rape and incest. Rather, abortion intensified my pain. The day my baby died, a part of me died with him.”

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