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2.20.2014

The Peanuts from Heaven Hall of Fame

Once again the sounds of horsehide hitting leather mitts is resounding throughout the sunny fields of Arizona and Florida, and if we ever get to turn off our snowblowers we might just hear it up here in the towns teams call home during the summer.

As is our custom every year at this time, we're spending part of spring training remembering those who make the game such fun to watch. So we're holding elections to the Peanuts from Heaven Hall of Fame which honors not baseball excellence but generally being amusing. Let the gatekeepers of Cooperstown worry about whose numbers are the best and who's morally pure enough worthy to enshrine, we'll just remember the funny things players did and make a goofy photoshop for them on Opening day.

As we suggested back in October, there's only one way to adequately judge a player: our totally made up and in no way scientific statistic AARP (Amusement Above Replacement Player [scale -10 to 10]). Below are this year's nominees and their AARP. Reminder, to be elected you must have either 75% or the highest vote total in the class, and to be held over to next year's ballot you need at least 5% of the vote--which is usually one vote or more.

You can vote through the poll on our personal website or leave a comment below to give your opinion added weight.

Returning NomineesJoe Nathan

The Good--Gung ho closer with a penchant for made up rock anthems, facial hair, making farting noises with his mouth while stressed and piracy.The Bad--Occasionally a little too fond of giving himself a higher degree of difficulty in saves.AARP: 8.7

Denard Span

The Good--Steadily excellent play in center, quiet consistency at the plate, perfect nickname tie in with Menards.The Bad--Chilled out attitude made him seem a little more aloof and harder to love than peersAARP: 3.8

Delmon Young

The Good--Falls into the "So-Bad-It's-Good" genre of fielders...like Sharknado but with a glove. Mediocrity always masked slightly better than mediocre talent.The Bad--Toolish behavior, general anti-semitism.AARP: -0.9

Carl Pavano

The Good--Durable, reliable, has a heckuva mustacheThe Bad--Not much personality to be noted beyond the mustache.AARP: 2.7

Jesse Crain

The Good--Patches of impressive pitching, solid goatee and general kindness to the bloggers of this site.The Bad--Few standout characteristics.AARP: 2.0

Francisco Liriano

The Good--Flashes of brilliance, other flashes of stupidity, attributed silly amount of success to chewing gum, devastating sliderThe Bad--Cranky and surly at times, as unpredictable as your crazy-ex but without any of the attractiveness.AARP: 2.6

Tsuyoshi Nishioka

The Good--Briefly seemed like proof the Twins were going world wide. Tried really hard. Falls into the "So-bad-it's-still-pretty-bad" genre of fielders...like MegaShark versus Crocasaurus stuck on just the Jaleel White scenes.The Bad--Created a lot of animosity pitting furious fans against merely exaperated fansAARP: -0.6

Scott Baker

The Good--Consistent and solid starting pitcher. Once had his protective cup get lost in his pants.The Bad--Injuries made his recent impact as a source of amusement minimal.AARP: 2.1

Ben Revere

The Good--Thoroughly exciting and excitable fan favorite who loved to play the gameThe Bad--Not around long enough to really make an impact or get a nicknameAARP: 2.3

Alexie Casilla

The Good--Absolutely passionate, strangely clutch, responsible for some of the most exciting moments in team historyThe Bad--Generally an unknown in town, too inconsistent to become beloved.AARP: 1.9

No longer eligible: Kevin Slowey, Luke Hughes, Jason Marquis, Matt Capps, Jason Kubel (resigned)New NomineesJustin MorneauThe Good--An MVP, a perennial all-star, a tenacious club-leader (even getting punched by Torii Hunter), goofy canuck, and the possessor of a widely admired backside.The Bad--He hasn't quite been up to the old Morneau-snuff since a concussion, and despite his widely beloved nature his nicknames (Dr. Neau; Brawny; The Canadian Club) don't quite measure up.AARP: 3.0Ryan DoumitThe Good--Consistent refusal to button all his uniform created our nickname "Ryan Suave", occasional outbursts of power were sincerely appreciated, penchant for eye blackThe Bad--Consistently inconsistent. Poor defense and feeble hitting gave him little playing time and less loveAARP: 1.9Jamey CarrollThe Good--Responsible for an often enjoyable game we played on this site called "Country Superstar" Jamey Carroll--which involved inventing silly psuedo-country songs based on being an aging middle infielder like: "My Defense Looks a lot Better After a Couple Beers".The Bad--The whole playing thing wasn't his greatest strength....shame that was so important to the game.AARP: 1.6

The Good--Terrific story of triumph over adversity and dedication, including a scintillating stretch of scoreless innings.The Bad--Everything after the strong start.AARP: 0.9

This year, in addition to the recently released and traded players we're also running a veteran's ballot (in honor of the five year anniversary of our first inductee: Bert Aberforth Blyleven (whom we never saw play, but found hilarious anyway).

Veterans on our ballot and their AARP ratings are below.Early DaysCesar TovarThe Good--Aside from the undeniably quirky and amusing playing of every position in one game, "Pepito" actually had a solid career both in the box and on the base paths, helping team to an AL title in 1965 and division titles in '69 and '70. Part of a stellar Centerfield tradition for the Twins.The Bad--Didn't make much impact in the postseason. Relatively short peak of powers, fading off badly in the early 70sAARP: 3.3

Mudcat GrantThe Good--Folksy and fun pitcher with a passion for music. Served as a top starter for the 1965 staff. Works to promote the history and future of African-American players in the majors.The Bad--Three years is a very short run with the Twins.AARP: 3.8

Glory YearsDan GladdenThe Good--Tenure with team coincides with both world titles, including championship-winning run in 1991. Forerunner of gritty determined Twins players. AKA "Dazzle". Crotchety but amusing announcerThe Bad--Titles may be timing as much as talent. Hair was a mullet. Crotchety announcing. Grit and pluck are overrated.AARP: 2.8Al NewmanThe Good--Plucky, scrappy utility infielder. Part of major league record triple-play combinations, later became coach famous for waving players home and butt patting.The Bad--Again grit and pluck are overrated. Having an 0-31 hitless streak is too often forgotten, many would rather not hear about an association with recent coaching staffs.AARP: 2.0Recent StandoutsCorey KoskieThe Good--Excellent defender, solid hitter, founder of a goofy clubhouse-aesthetic, Canadian willingly returns and offers support for the team since retirement. Inspiration for my mother's rhyming game ["Koskie, Koskie, Show Us What you Gots-ki!"]The Bad--Concussion and frequent injuries ended his career

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