7/29/2003

The Three Stages of Relationships

Relationships are tricky. Very few have mastered the art of relationships. God knows I’m a complete mess when it comes to my own relationships. Even though I was married for 9 years, you would of thought that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes that I’ve made in the past. I do have to say one thing, it takes 2 to make a relationship work. It can’t be all one sided. That’s why after 9 years of marriage, I gave up! Actually, I gave up before then, it just took a while for me to actually leave the situation.

Jerry and I have been listening to relationship type audiotapes recently called “Love for a Lifetime”. They are done by David T. Moore, a Pastor out of a church in Palm Desert. He has a series called “Moore on Life”. I’ve never really been a church-goer. I’ve always felt as though most people in the church are hypocrites and they don’t practice what they preach. I’m a strong believer in “Practice What You Preach”. I hate to be preached to by somebody who doesn’t live by his own principals and morals. Granted, we are all human, but there is a line you just don’t cross. But David is different. He's been married for years and years and actually practices what he preaches. In his series "Love for a Lifetime", he talks a lot about one of the main reasons relationships dosn't work is because of selfishness. He says in order for your relationship to work, you have to put your partner first. If you think about it, it’s true. (As long as they do the same for you).

Relationships are complicated and take a lot of work. You’d think it should just come easy, but when you put two different people together, who are built differently and wired differently, and brought up differently, conflicts are sure to arise. It’s all about how you deal with those conflicts that really matters.

There are different stages of relationships. I know I’ve been through the circle a couple of times. (Note: The following is not the teachings of David T. Moore. They are from my own experiences and sick thoughts that go through my head.)

1. The getting to know you phase. Where you’re discovering about each other’s likes, dislikes, hobbies, things of interest, etc. You put your best foot forward and if you have to fart, you run to another room because that would be detrimental to this new relationship. You take extra precautions to make sure it doesn’t follow you back to the room your new fling is in.

Now if you get through this stage then there’s….

2. Falling in love. This is where you think about that person day and night. You may call him/her several times during the day just to hear that person’s voice. You don’t fight because you wouldn’t want to hurt that person’s feelings. You have sex like bunnies, several times a day. You still won’t fart in front of this person because that would still be embarrassing. Staying the night could be awkward because what if you have to go #2? You wouldn’t want him/her to hear your shit plopping or your farts echoing in the toilet. So you hold it in until you can go home and shit in the privacy of your own bathroom.

3. Then there’s the comfortable stage. You’ve gotten to know your mate pretty well by this point. You feel free to express your feelings more openly. You let your partner know if he/she has hurt you, irritated you, disgusted you, let you down, etc. You fight more becuase you are confident that he/she won't leave if you express your feelings and opinions more freely. Burps, farts, going to the bathroom become every day activities and you are no longer embarrassed to do these things in front of him/her. Women aren’t as comfortable doing these things in front of the guys as they are. Once you get to this stage there is no turning back.

These stages can take different amounts of time depending on how quickly your relationship evolves. It took Jerry and me approximately 4 months to get to stage 3. Our fighting became more and more frequent as we adjusted to living with each other and we were fighting for our own way. We have learned to work together without fighting, but by cooperating with each other and helping eachother out.

I suggest that if you find that special someone, take your time to get to stage 3 and have fun. If you’re a girl, let the guy fart in front of you first.