Yes...I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, but damn it! You had better at least help with the dishes!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Day one of attempt at happiness....

So yesterday was a gathering and sorting kind of day to read and re-read all the information on where to start and how to attack this thing. I still don't feel completely settled about it or organized. I have been reading Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" which is where this sort of started, that and the deep yearning to find the answers. Who better to go to to remind you how important life is than a dying person right? Great book. I highly recommend it for many reasons and even because it makes me feel like I myself CAN actually write a book someday. This book is short-ish and easy to read and follow. It's well organized and compact. All of which I can accomplish. Now finding something that others might want to hear is the next task. What can I say that people would pay to read? So but that is for another day or another BLOG. Back to what I am reading.. "The Last Lecture" and then as the universe likes to play random and totally amusing jokes on me, My Woman's Day magazine came in the mail yesterday. I ordered it for the recipes....he he he.. no more chicken right? But the entire months issue is like dedicated to happiness and to dads/husbands (oxymoronic I know). There is article after article on getting happy and getting what you want. That sort of brought me back to this thing that my mother says that I absolutely HATE HATE HATE. She says... "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" It makes me want to scream. I want to be both right and happy, why oh why can't it be both? I get the meaning of the saying I get it already. But why do WE the ladies always have to make the compromise? Men get to be both... ( well truthfully really they are almost never right but at least they THINK they are and they are almost always happy with themselves about it?) There was this one article in particular that illustrates my point to a "T". It's Called the Husband Whisperer, the article talks about nicer, more sweet, polite and kinder ways to get what you want done? Ways of rewarding him in a fashion he will find desirable in order to achieve your goals. It makes me feel like we are talking about a mentally handicapped five year old rather than a grown man. ( I know same diff right? ha ha ha) So this article says that when you for example want him to take out the trash be sure to say please and thank you and be sure to ask in a sweetish tone, it even goes so far as to say that you should go over and touch his arm or check when asking because men respond better to sweetness and touch. It says that instead of like the fourth or fifth time you ask screaming, "Take out the f-ing trash you jerk!" you should sweetly kiss him and say, "Would you mind please doing that for me now, it's just so heavy I don't know if I can carry it out myself." That you should pretend to be too weak to do it yourself??????? ( please note that I am paraphrasing said article) and also note that my kettle is screaming right now. My happiness meter is sinking and I'm going to the bad place..... ahhhhh... no one asks me nicely to make dinner or to do the laundry. They just complain about not having clean socks until half my brain is eaten away and I am left in shambles....and WHY WHY WHY would I ever "pretend" to be a weak woman??? This bring me back to the whole bionic woman thing...the whole woman's lib and 70's sexual revolution thing "I Blame Enjoli!". We fought to get here and frankly the fact of the matter is that in my humble but honest opinion women ARE intellectually superior to men. Oh no there I said it. If my husband reads this I'm gonna be in trouble for sure but hell I just don't care anymore. It's just true even if it makes people mad. We are more cunning, more sly, more vicious, more clever, more enlightened, more imaginative, more conniving, more intelligent and more organized at the delivery of said intelligence. AND THAT IS MY FRIENDS THE HEART OF WHY I AM ANGRY. Pretending that MEN are better or smarter and allowing men to get paid more, or having more a respectable position than me at work or pretending that their job is more important or more worthwhile than mine. I run this house, raise these kids, juggle these activities, pay these bills, and do these chores all while I work 30 hours a week to boot and all you do is work one 40 hour a week job, come home and clock out? And now I have to ask you nicely sweetly and with a loving touch five times to take out the trash? SAY WHAT??? Do you want to be right or happy? Hell I think I'm gonna have to go with right on this one? I refuse. I refuse to perpetuate the helpless woman persona. If not for me than for my daughter. If not for me than for my son. I want him to grow up not expecting to be asked nicely but to know I'm gonna kick his hinney if it's not done the first time around. the article even goes on to suggest that when something is done the way you'd like that you should then reward him with something of his liking in the bedroom. I know why not fruit snack or a dog treat? Really Really a reward for just pitching in and doing your part not even going above and beyond but just doing simple and menial tasks that you should just do anyhow WITHOUT being asked? But OK so I'll play along? What do you suggest? Maybe a blow job... lets talk about the blow job.. who is that for exactly? Do I get enjoyment from it? Is that favor often returned? My back,my knees, my neck , my lips, and my jaw are hurting but I should just keep at it until you are finished or ready for other avenues? I sometimes like it and it's sometimes a fun part of an evening but as a reward? NOPE NOPE NOPE.. now I just resent you the entire time I'm down there I am thinking of how much I hate you and MYSELF for doing this just because you took out the trash! I'm actually contemplating what it would be like to just bite it off and spit it at you, put it in the trash and ask you to take it out! Trust me you do not want me down there in that kind of mood. If I was just doing it becasue we were in the mood and having fun then fine OK great but as a reward? UUUUHHHH no no no...and even sex... I like most women I know take longer to orgasm. So I've decided I am going to try something new. I am going to get myself almost to orgasm then come to my husband get on and go for a few minutes and then when I am finished very quickly and he is not done yet I am going to get off and kiss him and say thanks and go to sleep (laughing to myself) and leave him there with his woodrow wondering what the hell just happened? What he does that to me?.. And come on you know it happens to you too much to ignore and too much for it not to bother you just a little? I'm going to do this at least three times and see what the outcome is. Will he get it? Will his behavior change? I'm not sure but I will mostly have proved I am right and voila I will also be happy.... So back to day one of the attempt at happiness.... it's not going so well but I have plans, BIG PLANS.... (evil laugh) bawaaaaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha