Cataloging the journey from womanhood to motherhood – and straining to maintain my status as both!

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Category Archives: Weight Gain

My New Year’s Resolution to “be a better blogger” is failing miserably. I should have resolved to lose weight – I’m actually doing that.

After a random summer of Jon working out of town, having John Emerson “Jay” arrive in June, enjoying maternity leave over a summer that saw my parents buy a cabin at Clear Lake, I’ve got just two more weeks of maternity leave (ahh, the unpaid part finally begins).

Today we just hung out around the house after a full day yesterday of running the Crim 5K and Elle running the Teddy Bear Trot. She ran THE WHOLE WAY! She was awesome. I did NOT run the entire 5K, but ran my fastest average pace since I started running just 3 weeks ago, so I feel pretty darn good about that.

Elle is a wonderful big sister to “Jay Baaabbaaayyy” (what we call him) and hasn’t had too much in the way of adjustment issues. Some here and there, but nothing to write about per se.

Jay is SUCH a good baby. I don’t know how we got two great babies in a row. I think Jay is even easier than Elle was, which is really saying something. So. Stinking. Cute.

With two weeks to go and a 34th birthday to celebrate in between, I’m just focusing on getting our lives organized before I hit the ground running going back to work. And I’m also excited to be signing up for a great bootcamp three nights a week. I feel like at the very least I’m making my own health a priority. While I was running the 5K yesterday, I just liked the fact that it felt good that my daughter was WATCHING me, ACTIVELY participating in something. It made pushing to go just a bit faster, just a bit easier.

Here is my brother Trevor, his girlfriend Ashley, me and Elle at the Crim yesterday!

When we stopped to Jon’s parents yesterday, the first of what will be many identity swaps happened. You see, John Emerson – the baby Jay – was born this year. And my husband Jonathan – Jon/Jonny/Jonathan – is a J-O-N. And his Dad is JOHN Lee. So, yes, certainly room for confusion. It’s why our John E. has been Jay since day one. But somehow – and this has happened to my Jon for years – but Jay Baby got his first AARP solicitation letter. Seriously AARP, get it together. How do you even come up with this stuff?!

Just look at these kiddos – and Jay sitting up in his Bumbo at just 9 weeks old. What a big guy!

So, I haven’t had the energy to write much lately – with Jon out of town six out of seven days of the week (and when he’s home, it’s just a weird day for whatever reason) – I’m solo’ing this whole thing and it’s really different to do it on your own. Not like I don’t have a ton of help between my parents and Jon’s parents – but it’s still different (though it’s been five weeks now, so it’s starting to become the norm).

Anyway — I’ve been working in the yard and the pond a lot in advance of golf season beginning in earnest in May. I’ve made great progress, so I’m feeling pretty good about it all, actually.

And, I’ve been trying really, really hard to get my weight under control and my body back within comfortable (to me) boundaries. Which means I’ve been eating less, exerting myself more (some real exercise, some just working in the yard but never both ;). I have found myself often wearing yoga pants or workout pants and sweatshirts — which is my comfort mode for sure — but I also have been trying to get back to wearing – you know – real clothes, too.

So, this brings me to the title of this particular post – I bought bras.

I bought NICE bras that fit right. Crazy, right? It only took me six months to get back to a bra that fits me and does something for my otherwise flimsy post- preggo boobies.

I went to Soma in the outlets near me and walked in and when a sales clerk looked at me I just said “I need help.” and she measured me, and got all the bras and tanks to try on with them, and I just tried on bras until we found the size that fits me right…which, for the record, here’s my bra history…

I was a 36C. As cataloged here, I bought – at one point during pregnancy – a 40DD. Yes, I did. It may have been overkill, but probably not. And now, I measure at a 38D. I landed right in the middle.

But, over the last six months, bra shopping and the required expenditure just didn’t make the top of the list. I would go to Target, look at a bra, go ‘ah, looks about right’ and come home, try it on, feel a bit uncomfortable or feel like my boobs were still a bit saggier than I’d like, but figure it was more difficult to take the bra back than to just deal with it.

Until last week.

I reached my breaking point, or the point at which I’m ready to claim back my body and execute control over it. Perhaps this is why my fitness/wellness crusade is going so well for the moment. Because I have taken back control and ownership of myself in meaningful ways – you know, like having a bra that fits.

Anyway, if anyone happens upon this post and you’re pregnant or you’ve just delivered…don’t wait six months to get back into a properly-fitting bra — it feels so, so good and I guess by controling my chest, I have been able to focus on the rest of my life a little more clearly!!

Let me start with a disclaimer…I feel better about my body right now than I did, say, three months ago.

I don’t feel great about the shape that I exist within, but I don’t abhor it either. I don’t particularly like looking at myself in the mirror before the shower, but I can swallow that bitter pill most of the time.

I’m working on it, I really am. Or, at least I’m talking about working on it. And thinking about trying. And some days, really trying. I went for a walk with Elle tonight when we got home from school. It was nice to be in the sun, to be with her, to be getting a little exercise. I didn’t go far, I didn’t go long, but I did go. And that’s half the battle. And I spent yesterday making my muscles sore, too. So I feel like I’m getting there…slowly – too slowly sometimes – and steadily.And the day before that, two hours digging and working in the pond. I work up a sweat, so that’s something.

But, here’s what happened today…I signed us up for Parent/Tot swim classes. And therefore, I was supposed to be skinn(ier) by now.

I’ve been super looking forward to it, truly. In my head, I don’t think I connected until TODAY that I, too, would have to be in a bathing suit. That requires – ahem – maintenance of areas. It also requires a bathing suit in which I won’t feel absolutely awful (that’s an oxymoron, for sure). It requires being comfortable and confident in my own skin. I’m going to watch a ton of Dove commercials before I go to the Y next Monday afternoon. Maybe that’ll help.

I’ve been preparing Elle for swimming class diligently. I’ve been splashing water on her face, letting the spray from the spout hit her and force her to get water in her eyes. I pour water over her head to rinse her hair. Tonight, I even filled the tub up a bit more than normal and held her and let her float, so she wouldn’t be totally scared of not touching bottom in the pool. I mean, I’m REALLY TRYING to make sure she LOVES the water and swimming.

However, I was not so diligent in my own preparations.

Gut punch (and reverberations because that gut-area is NOT taut…).

So, yeah, I was supposed to be skinny by now.

But I’m not.

So – what’s that Dove line? Love the skin you’re in? Yup, that’s what I’m going to do. Create a love-fest around myself to love the skin I’m in.

Today’s appointment was both eventful and uneventful in that I went differently than I expected. This culminated in Dr. Ahmad asking if I wanted to go the induction route…and…well…Friday, 5 a.m., we will be checking into the hospital to begin the process of birthing our Minnie.

Yes, that’s right.

Friday.

At 5 a.m.

As the ultrasound revealed last week, we have a ‘healthy size’ baby (Dr. Ahmad’s words, not mine) and since it also revealed that TODAY is 39 weeks…well…

To be honest, I’m a little bit caught off guard. I thought that we would be discussing options today. And I suppose we did.

Option #1: Be induced this week.

Option #2: Wait for spontaneous labor.

I think that the word spontaneous makes it seem more exciting than it actually is.

Frankly, with Jon working on the other side of the state, three and a half hours away and with my normally cheery disposition suffering in the last week as I reach my ‘done’ point on the pregnancy spectrum, I’m just ready to get this show on the road, be un-pregnant AND meet our Minnie.

So, October 14 she should be here. Latest she’d arrive is October 15.

I’ve already talked to my boss, let her know my last day is Thursday so I’m busily wrapping up some tasks I was procrastinating for whatever reason.

Jon and I just installed the car seat base in my car (which he’s driving this week) and tomorrow I’m dropping his car off to be detailed and cleaned up and then will install the base in his car (which I’m driving for the week).

Jon will head back to work tonight about 6 p.m. and will come home Thursday night and we’ll head to the hospital in the middle of the morning on Friday to begin this process.

CRAZY.

SURREAL.

I’m going to be a MOM by the time Michigan-Michigan State kicks off this weekend.

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I couldn’t sleep last night. That seems to happen when Jon’s home. Having company in bed, after most nights NOT having company in bed, is weird and I feel bad because it takes me EONS to get comfortable and fall asleep. And I move around and around…so I fell asleep on the couch and then headed to bed about 2 a.m.

But, well before that, I found myself feeling…well, scared, honestly…about the impending arrival. I don’t know another word to describe it, and I really want to capture my TRUE feelings here. It’s scary. This is a forever gig – and one I’ve been waiting my whole life for and I just am scared about the unknown.

I can’t put my finger on whether I’m scared of the laboring more than the actual – ‘we’re sending you home with a baby’ – part. But, intimidated by the idea. The thought of how it’s all going to come together, the lack of control over the situation on the whole. All well beyond my comfort zone and things I’d like to control a bit more.

~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Ahmad did a pelvic exam today. I’m a half centimeter dilated…which I think is really just him being generous. I mean, what is a half centimeter anyway??

Anyway, he referenced my Bishop Score, which I hadn’t heard of before. Here’s a wikipedia link to more info. Based on what I’ve read just now, my Bishop Score of 5 is sort of a number that is right in the middle of being a good one for induction. Every site I checked out had a different threshold for making it an induction option. So, I’m trusting my doctor on this one. Feel like I haven’t been steered wrong yet. We’ll see.

I did just place a call to the office to ask the questions that have now popped into my head. I think I just want to know what to expect will happen when I arrive to the hospital on Friday. Again, from the reading I’ve done, it seems like doctors recommend induction when they feel as though your chances for vaginal delivery still exist, but going into spontaneous labor (as measured by your Bishop score, among other things) isn’t something that ranks really high on the list. So, we’ll see. I’m hoping to get some more insight from Dr. Ahmad or his nurse when they call back.

Baby’s heart rate is good…my weight gain, not so much. I had eaten breakfast before heading to the doctor, but that put me at 27 pounds gained total…which is SO ANNOYING. Hate being over that 25 pound threshold. But, whatever. We are nearing the end of the being-pregnant weight gain journey.

Saw Dr. Neubeck – which is always a treat. I find him funny and engaging. I’m glad he’s been my primary doctor throughout this, it’s definitely made the pregnancy something that is not a worry on my mind in any way.

Next week, on Monday, I’ll see Dr. Ahmad. Who I like as well. I like all of the doctors in the practice – all for different reasons.

Anyway, my blood pressure was up again. I mentioned again that I see these black ‘floaters’ like bugs/flies from time to time, so Dr. Neubeck did a little checking and said that there was no constriction in my blood vessels in my eyes or anything, so he wasn’t TOO concerned about it. I had gained another couple of pounds (WTF!?) so I think that the quick weight gain here at the end is contributing more to the hike in blood pressure than anything else. Need to make a concerted effort to lead a less sedentary lifestyle.

Jon is home today. It’s his one day off from work each week. I made a point to work yesterday so that I was ahead of the game today so I could spend some time with him.

Oh, back to the appointment…(hello A.D.D.)…

So, they did the beta strep test, which will take two days to determine if I have beta strep. It’s no big deal either way, it’s just an antibiotic they’ll give to me prior to delivery so that it doesn’t get passed on to the baby. So, we’ll know next week if that was positive or negative. He also did a pelvic exam and quite literally pushed our Minnie up into my rib cage. I said “Um, you’re pushing her up — I’m going to push her back down if you keep doing that!”. He explained that it’s because she’s not engaged yet, so she hasn’t fully committed to her head in my pelvic region (while I don’t blame her, she could hurry up and decide to do that ANY time now). He called it something that started with a b…it sounded like bobbling, but it wasn’t that. And I’m too lazy to Google it. So, she’s bobbling around in there. He had me push on my stomach to feel her butt (‘she’s got a big ass’ he says…just like her mom, I respond) and then had me feel down in my pelvis where her head is. It’s definitely weird to know where her body parts are for sure. I mean, I knew where they were before, but to actually FEEL them and have a doctor make it ok to press on them (Jon doesn’t like it when I do this, but whatever).

I also commented to Dr. Neubeck that for all the things that he and his doctor friends know, they should really know a good way to get these babies to come out. His response? “Sex.”

Fine and well.

Only, did I mention that Jon is home ONE DAY A WEEK? For approximately an 18 hour stretch? Yeah, ok. Good advice. I’m going to opt for walking a lot now that I’m not on the road and I’m also going to blow up my exercise ball and sit on it all day long. Why not, can’t hurt (if all else fails it will engage my ab muscles and if it works, we’ll have a baby girl sooner rather than later!). I’m starting my campaign for her arrival now because I just am over this back pain and weighing as much as a cow.

Speaking of back pain, I am on a Tylenol regimen daily and I think it is contributing to my ability to sleep the last two nights. I’m going to keep taking it because it really seems to be providing some good back pain relief for me.

Beyond that, I’m just trying to not be too ‘nesty’ — I have the linen closets organized, under the bathroom sinks cleaned and organized. I’ve got bottles washed and dried and put up in the cupboard. I’ve got all the receiving blankets and fluffy blankets washed. Washed all the crib sheets and changing pad covers. Packed her hospital bag, my hospital bag, made a list of Jon’s hospital bag stuff and the last minute stuff that I can’t pack. We’re ready to go. Now, just need to convince this Minnie girl to get on the bandwagon.

As Neubeck said, “Women want to be in labor, want to be in labor, then they go into labor and really DO NOT want to be in labor,”.