My goal is to write about my experiences, share what I have learned, and hopefully help someone deal with and free themselves from their narcissist. My secondary goal, is to let out all so much I have held in for years and quietly suffered. I do this as a means to continue to heal.

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About Me

I graduated from one of the most prestigious schools, got my bachelors and masters in engineering, had a promising career, and had wonderful, beautiful children. By all accounts and appearances, it would have appeared for a long time that I had a great, picturesque life, but underneath it all, I was married to someone who was diagnosed as being narcissistic.
My nightmare started almost immediately after I married this person who was Jekyl and Hyde. I want to share my experiences and to let you know what I had to sacrifice and do to get away from this person. My journey still continues as I am still working to fully recover from experiencing this person in my life. I don't think anyone ever really recovers from dealing with such a monster.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Some Guys Will Always be Bad Guys

I sat here tonight reflecting on not just my narcissist, but the other bad relationships I have been in. Why did I have to go through so many horrible relationships to finally wake up and say I just don't deserve this. When I was 22, I was engaged to a brilliant computer software engineer. Charming and gave me so much attention when we first started dating. I resisted falling for him at first, but when I finally did fall for him, all my troubles began. We got engaged after just a few short months of dating. This person lied, and they were so good at it. When he was caught lying about the other two women he was dating, he told more fantastic lies. My self esteem was crushed. This led to a string of bad relationships in which I just told myself I didn't deserve any better.

I recently got back in touch with this person and at first as usual he was quite charming. He apologized for his behavior and I believed it. I really wanted to believe that even the worst of the male species could be reformed. I was wrong. He again told more and more fantastic lies that didn't add up.

A Narcissist never changes. They cannot help themselves and yes I truly believe they are wired different from other people. The biggest difference, is their lack of empathy. Everything is about them and they say and do things that bolsters the only person that matters- themselves!

I wonder how they keep their stories straight. My last narcissist couldn't keep his story straight, but I think my first narcissist was a master at it because he literally is a genius. Such a sad truth, but in dealing with my narcissist, I must always remember that they lack the ability to change, grow, and mature.