Thursday, August 9, 2007

I just came back from my hometown, Marang...visited my late friend, arwah 'Kecek'...2oyears old. Until now, I still can’t remember his name...SEROIUSLY! After maghrib... I felt that no one cared how much I suffered my lost... my friend who I thought of as my own blood-brother.

I am currently out… somewhere at SUK Kota Bharu with my laptop... sat at the corner of Restoran Rahim Maideen and tried to push myself to write something about 'KECEK',

This morning...I woke-up at 6.15am...not like usual. Felt something, not a good feeling...felt like something was not right…

I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t ! Then...my brain started thinking about 'KECEK' whom I was informed by my friend, was sent to the Intensive Care Unit...at Hospital Kuala Terengganu. He was said to have just fainted and remained unconscious after vomiting at about 4.30pm on the 7th of August at his workplace which happens to be my previous workplace ! Before 4.30pm...he was the usual 'KECEK', the smallest...the youngest worker there. Besides... he was the noisiest staff there! The workplace would probably never be as lively as it was since it is now without him…

I call my work mate Haris... and asked him to visit Kecek at Kuala Terengganu Hospital with me...he agreed to join me!

About...7.45am after calling 2-3persons to ask about Kecek's condition... I was told that Kecek was still in the same condition! I started my 187km journey to visit my bro...Kecekalongside the 12 tracks of Julian Mokhtar's About Time....the CD played for countless times! I remembered well that...its was at about 8.45am that the CD played the track 'Walking the dog...", I got a message from 'Na', my friend who worked with Kecek..."Kecek meninggal doh, kol 6 td...". I suddenly felt like I was pulled down into a deep dark hole without an end… I showed the message to Haris who sat beside me and I heard him saying 'Innalillah...". A couple of minutes later...I got a call from my best-friend Ba'e letting me know the same thing! Still… the journey had to be continued for now Iwas not heading to the hospital to visit my dear friend but was instead on my was to his funeral…

Haris and I neared our destination... where we coincidently met Ba'e, Khairy and Achik! about 9.30am and we had a drink first with our long time friend’s at stall somewhere at Kampung Undang... a kilometre away from the company I used to work at… I ate 2packets of Nasi Dagang and Tea O beng! "Arwah Kecek akan sampai kol 10am...". Our conversation was entirely about Kecek. Khairy mentioned that "Minggu lepas baru Kecek tanye harga sport rim..." Achik on the other hand said "Kelmarin dulu...molek2 ade lagi...duk gurau2...kacau2 awek DSA masa nak balik keje....". I just smiled… focusing on the stories of the last moments of Kecek. Ba'e then got a message and checked his handphone and said "Wehhh...arwah sampai doh ke rumoh dia...mari lah gerak !". He paid for everything and we left the stall.

I arrived at Kecek's kampong-house 20minutes later...there were about 20 people who mostly I knew, in front of Kecek's kampong-house. I couldn’t talk... mostly because I was too numb to do so… I just walked over to PokSu who was mute and deaf … I however could communicate with him by sign language ! PokSu knew that I wanted to cry and commented so by sign… I just nodded in agreement and then Poksu asked me to control my emotion by stroking his chest !

"Sape2...nak tengok arwah, bolehlah tengok sekarang...lepas ni nak mandi...sembahyang pulok..." I heard a guy voice and he was Kecek's older brother! That feeling of heaviness suddenly got unbearable...Ba'e nudged my shoulder and I entered the Kecek's Kampung-house slowly...following the others! My footstep...too slow...too heavy to walk...! but expected that of myself…There was a small room...I noticed that was Kecek's room. From where I was standing, I could see a petite body lying still… wrapped with batik from the stomach down ... and a white cloth over it from the chest up. There was table fan directed towards him… I stopped at the door and held onto the door knob ...my knee went weak.. I even found it difficult to stand. Ba'e over took me in entering the room. I was the last person among the 6-7 persons who wanted to see Kecik for the last time ! Someone kneeled beside Kecek's body and with the utmost respect, muttered something before pulling the cloth covering Kecek’s face off him… it was then I saw Kecek’s face from the door I was standing at which was 3-4meter away...he looked like he was just sleeping… with his eyes not fully shut… like when he used to sleep at work… his face was a little bit swollen which made him look like he had put on some weight....I couldn’t take it then… tears started falling off my face without me noticing…I closed my eyes for a few seconds… in hopes that when I re open them again, the cloth over Kecek’s face would be placed back to where it was…a few seconds later...I opened my eyes ! Yes... he was fully covered by the cloth...but I still couldn’t stop my tears...

After that...I asked Ba'e to go to my house which was just 5km from there...i wanted to see my mother. After spending about 30minutes...I asked to go to my old-work-place.

At my old-work-place, I sat somewhere at a corner which I knew was where Kecek had been working at...

Thoughts To Ponder On..

"We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it"_______________________________________

"You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until it's happening. You don't recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you're right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there's not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days."_______________________________________

"Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work toward it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow..."