Curious

02-12-2009, 08:48 PM

I've been reading THe no cry sleep solution and trying to work on several things. The first thing i'm trying to conqour is getting my lo to sleep for an hour or 2 before i come to bed. However I've noticed during the day that she is way more clingy. She doesn't like to go to dh's arms now and will crawl all over me, all day in attempt to keep me close, instead of playing with her toys. I want to move her to her crib during this time because i'm nervous about her waking up and me not knowing. I've got my monitor turned as loud as i can get it to hear her, I've got the matress on the floor and a guardrail on my side of the bed. However the head of our bed has a window that i can't do anything about (no matter where else i put my bed i can't have it away from the window and still have heat in the upstairs, stupid layout of the house). I may trust her when she's older but i'm not sure. Is the clingy behavious a sign i'm already pushing her far enough and should wait to get her in the crib?? or is this a normal developmental stage??

It may or may not be related, could simply be because of change, not necessarily what the change was. I don't understand what you mean by describing the safety of the room. Are you worried about it> Do you think she is? Do you mean you want to put her in a crib and want to know a gentle way to transition her?

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I know the room isn't safe and this weekend my dh and i are going to takle it to make it safe. The challenge will be the window at the head of our bed. I guess i should have posted elsewhere. I've just noticed my dd is super clingy. to the point i can't sit on the sofa. she will cry until i get down on the floor with her. She wants to crawl all over me instead of playing with her toys, no matter how much i try and play with her. She won't go to her daddy's arms any more. the entire time she will struggle to return back to my arms. She screams bloody murder if i leave the room. I've recently been trying to nurse her to sleep and leave her in our bed while i go downstairs to clean/watch t.v.. I wonder if this is magnifying her behaviours as previously described. The only time she doesn't do this behaviour is when she's at a play group (or other peoples houses). I let her go so far away from me and then i follow, simply becasuse there are older children who are not so aware of a baby.
It's frustrating for me not to be able to communicate with her to find out what the issue is, and console anything emotionally that may be going on. I know there really isn't such a thing as overly attatched but i'm concerned because now she's increasing her night feedings, will not play with her father, and seems to be happy only in my arms. I wondering if this is just a phase that she will grow out of? is it realate to her new nighttime routine?? I've recieved feedback that she's not socialized with other children enough and i should force her to stay awake to take her to play groups (as there is only one program and it is schedualed at her nap time, and i have no friends with children)? Is this "normal" seperation anxiety??

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it sounds to me like she could be experiencing stranger anxiety. this is a completely normal stage of development that all children go through, at varying degrees of intensity. try to respond to her "messages" by letting her know you are there for her and as she learns to trust you, she will grow more self-confident and not be so fearful.

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I wondering if this is just a phase that she will grow out of? is it realate to her new nighttime routine?? I've recieved feedback that she's not socialized with other children enough and i should force her to stay awake to take her to play groups (as there is only one program and it is schedualed at her nap time, and i have no friends with children)? Is this "normal" seperation

Yes, she will grow out of it! I would try to avoid thinking of it as "retaliation" as that is a rather advanced concept. Maybe communication over the changes, expressing her need for reassurance, or just a natural collision between developmental stage and personality.

she's not socialized

This bothers me! I believe your daughter is close to my son's age and not every child is meant to be a baby rock star or politician! All people have different personalities and behave differently in situations. I know some people would think that ALL children should act like the cuties on The Cosby Show (are you too young to remember that?) but human behavior is a spectrum and we should allow our babies to communicate what they need. Forcing a child who is not willing to socialize may only create a situation of fear. It is one thing to provide opportunities for children to interact, but I would not skip a good nap for it. She is little and has plenty of time to develop adult skills. I think you should read Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers , it was a very eye opening book on a lot of things and helped me feel better about that push to get kids to be those little talk show hosts or party planners!

That super clingy thing is very annoying, I have been there, trust me, and its not easy. I know it is tempting to try to solve the problem by 'fixing' the child, but this seldom helps. You sound like you are worn out and getting some time to yourself in a creative way might go a long way towards helping you both (and all 3 of you) to get some comfort and normalcy. ANYTIME you start changing something, a child will notice and react. ANYTIME things are changing with a child (teething, new skills, developmental stage, perception of Mommy and Daddy) the child will act differently. I have found if you pull away from a superneedy child, it only gets worse! Whatever that fear is, pulling a way or making yourself less available makes them fear it MORE. Imagine if you told a older child that this was the last piece of candy he could EVER have! It would be a frantic, desperate candy eating session! Possibly this is how a pre-verbal child might perceive your pulling away. It is not logical for the child and I know you are not doing it on purpose. These are just ideas...i am not there and I am not her!

Have you looked into OTHER groups for more of a variety of meeting times? How about more AP supportive freinds? Lets find you some!

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I've tried finding ap groups in my area, or even make some friends at these other group in an attempt to find other ap parents. But alas it seems that i am the only ap mother in this area. Most give me strange looks or simply relate it to my social work background, or want nothing to do with me Now i remember why i hated this small town of mine i've moved back to. I would love to go into the city to try and find some other ap mom's however my lo does NOT travel well at all. She hates her car seat and being restrained. So i appreciate your help and am sorry to constantly be questioning you guys but i do like the feedback i get from you.
Therefor i have more questions for you

Is this related to stranger anxiety or simply personality. I've been trying many of the suggestions in the no-cry-sleep-solution. The ones i'm working on is, One introducing a lovely (to help her sleep longer and return back to sleep on her own after waking). So far she tends to throw them away and wants nothing to do with them as soon as we're going to bed, same with her soother, she wants the brest.
Second i've tried to get her accustomed to sleeping on her own. So i go through the whole nap/bedtime routine. At bedtime i can get her asleep easily but she still wakes up constantly for the time i'm not in bed with her (i've given up on her crib) and will settle down easily only to wake up 30 mins later. So far none of the suggestions seem to be working but at least she will go to sleep. For naps i go through the nap routine and at the end place her in a sling (instead of the wrap because i can get it out of her without waking her) however now she screams and arches her back in the sling and will only go to sleep in a wrap. I've tried nursing her down fir some of the naps but she knows this is out of the ordinary and starts trying to get away. i'm getting so frustrated as nothing seems to be working and we've been at this for several weeks now. Am I just pushing her to fast??? Or is it likely to be her personality in keeping me close (as i've been told by my mom is how i was and why they resorted to the CIO method, which i'm against)? Any suggestions??