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Prof. Oak: (sigh.) (He will never be a true trainer.) "So... Jaden, Cyndaquil is now yours! I can't train you because I'm busy. So find my grandson, he's name is Blue, I think he's at the Blueberry Town. Anyways, tell him that you need to train how to be a trainer. If you don't, I will get back your Cyndaquil."

This caught my attention because of the script style of writing, I'm not usually interested in it but I thought I'd read yours cos ya know, I want to.

There a couple of grammar mistakes in your story like this " he use Ember to Jaden!)" they just don't make sense i think it should be more like 'he then used ember on Jaden' there's quite a few of these throughout your story.

The plot was ok for a first chapter of a journey fic although it seemed completely generic and rushed, the lack of description really, really upset me haha. I was hoping to read about what 'blueberry town' looked like, also the team rocket grunts. I'm not sure if description is used in script writing but even if its not I don't see why you couldn't include it if you wanted to.

It was abit jumpy at time too, like one minute you was in jadens bedroom and the next you was in professor oaks lab which is in Kanto? What region is this in your story? And if it's not Kanto maybe explain to the reader why oak isn't there anymore. Overall a nice beginning with a lot going on, good luck with the rest

For everyone who likes stories you can read my first ever fan-fic here!

Blue: (I got a bad feeling of this one, especially when he inject his Rattata it evolved. There must be something on the injection that makes POKéMON evolve.) (Looks at Jaden.) "Jaden, stand back. I will test something."