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SIDE DISH: THE UNTOLD STORY

I know the title is not enticing. With that said, this is not a tutorial on how to get a side guy. I have been dreading to write something about it for quite some time, because I was being a little judgmental, not understanding what goes on in someone’s mind and relationship to even consider having a side guy. Men have had side chicks since the beginning of time and it has become some sort of a “norm” and not much of an eyebrow raiser. I decided to dig deeper because I noticed how much of a trend this side guy thing has become among women, maybe it’s not something new, but as of late it has become more obvious.

What is a side guy? Why do you need a side guy? These are the questions I asked the two ladies who didn’t mind sharing their experiences on the subject. They are both in long-term relationships, and both have side guys. They asked to remain anonymous to protect their identity so I have changed their names.

Pearl, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for three years, and she has had a side guy for two years. I asked, why do you need a side guy? “I love my boyfriend, he is an amazing guy, however we are so different, the more our relationship grows, the more he stays the same, I’m growing but he is still the same guy he was three years ago, he doesn’t help me with anything, there is no progress. Things are different with my side guy, he is really ambitious, he does things for me and he is fun to be around, no two days are the same. He takes me to places I have never been before, but we don’t connect emotionally, that’s where my main guy comes in, he has been there for me since the beginning and we have been through so much together but he isn’t fun anymore and thus can’t offer me what I want”.

Sindi’s situation is a little different; she has been in a relationship for two years, what causes her to stray is that her main guy got offered to work overseas within a year of their relationship and can only come see her every second month. Her man does everything for her but doesn’t satisfy her physical needs as often as she would like, so she chose to have a guy on the side to satisfy that.

All these women are in long term relationships but feel the need to stray because of what they lack at home. Their complaint was that the side guy treats them better than the main guy in whatever it is that they lack.The side guy knows everything about the main guy which makes the side guy job so much easier to keep the female happy so how he treats you shouldn’t even matter.

I believe that if a woman finds a man that can give her either emotional or sexual satisfaction that she is not getting at home; she may cheat on her committed partner for the pleasure of an intimate connection, even at the risk of losing what she has at home. Humans have a natural proclivity to move toward what feels good.

In fact, some studies show that 80% of affairs happen because of opportunity. If the opportunity comes along, it can be hard to turn down an affair that promises to bring pleasure or intrigue. An affair can be even harder to refuse if a woman is unhappy in her relationship, depressed or stressed in her own personal life or career. Finding satisfaction in an affair is usually short-lived, however, and rarely provides long term fulfillment. Actually, most affairs last less than three years and ten percent last no longer than 24 hours.

Some women cheat because the partner was unfaithful first. The jumble of mixed emotions is possibly impetus for their affair. “I cheated on him—mostly for revenge, but in retrospect it was also because I wanted validation. I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men,” said Pearl. Retribution is a common feeling when someone has been betrayed; Anger can be quite powerful in clouding one’s judgment. The more I write and think about the subject, the more I realise that no matter how much we talk about it and show people the dangers of having multiple partners, it won’t change the situation because people do it for their own personal reasons, so who are we to judge.