Daily rants, raves, and regurgitation of my weird life as a writer/mom/small dog technician, foodie, and movie nut.

July 05, 2015

At my advanced age birthdays really aren't supposed to be that big of a deal, but I felt pretty overwhelmed yesterday by all the good wishes, cute photos, etc. that got posted on Facebook. I posted this last night:

I feel quite overwhelmed by all the lovely birthday wishes! I hope everyone has had a relaxing and fun day!

For me, it has been a terrific day, filled with visits with friends and family members, including lunch with the lovely Lee Ann and her wonderful family, and a long phone visit with Lesleigh Ellinger, cousin and BFF. My brother is here right now working in my yard - the gift of two fig trees and fixing various issues in my yard, which is much appreciated. He also brought lobster tails for dinner! Yum! Feeling very blessed!

Hope everyone has a fun and safe evening - catch some fireworks if possible, but please comfort the animals who may be scared. Lola heard fireworks last night and climbed right up in Michael's lap for some TLC.

above, some shots from lunch yesterday, including a rare one of me and my friend Bill!

I was telling my brother this morning, 2015 has been such a difficult year for me, until very recently. Not feeling well for months really takes a toll. Feeling woozy and lightheaded so much [due to very low blood pressure because of the heart issue] has meant that I seldom left the house. Driving made me too nervous. So yesterday's lunch with my friend Lee Ann and her family was the first time getting out of the house to socialize in about 6 months.

I was a tiny bit nervous, I will admit. I ran to the potty about 3 times - feeling a bit nervous makes me need to tinkle more often. The company was wonderful. The food was wonderful. It was just that I was feeling ancy and a little claustrophobic. It seems that the older I get, the less I like being around crowds and noise. I don't even want to go to a movie theater any more, preferring to wait until movies are available from Netflix.

Bruce is a dedicated Sam's shopper and he brought in some wonderful, huge scallops, and he had found lobster tails on sale. While he and Michael did yard work, I fixed those and some baked potatoes, and we had homegrown tomatoes from the garden, and homegrown cucumbers. Wonderful dinner.

I had told Bruce I wanted a small tree for my birthday. He brought me two small fig trees. He has a friend who has an orchard, so the figs came highly recommended. Bruce was trying to get them planted, and get some mulch distributed late yesterday afternoon, because rain is predicted for today, again. Michael helped him and Bruce said he did a great job.

Bruce brought a few fireworks and he and Mike had fun with those last night. Michael was invited to a big fireworks display but logistically we just couldn't work it out, plus dinner and a movie with uncle Bruce. We ate late.

It has really only been in the last 8-10 days that I have felt pretty much back to my normal energy level, about 90% of it anyway. Last week I went out by myself in the car several times, something that had brought on panic attacks for months. Now, the pacemaker means my heart doesn't race or drag sluggishly, and so I can actually drive 10 minutes to CVS, walk in and get a few things, and come home, and not have a panic attack. I also picked up some food from a local Greek place for dinner Friday night, all by myself - a triumph for my self-confidence and a rare treat for us.

I am still processing (mentally and emotionally) the past 18 months or so, since my health has been so out of whack. I was close to death by late May, but of course I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I just knew my world was shrinking and even walking up a flight of steps was a chore. I turned down several jobs I was offered just because the thought of driving to an office and dealing with normal work stress was overwhelming. Only in hindsight can one look back and see things clearly.

I do have the feeling the rest of my life needs to be more focused on health and well-being, and trying to approach things with less angst and more faith.

I am also trying to not make pronouncements to myself, like "I will never be in a relationship again." A friend of mine, a bit older than me, just started a new romance, and I am so pleased for her. Never say never.

Michael has certainly felt a lot of stress in recent months from watching my health decline, and he is still processing it. He was working 3 jobs a few weeks ago and is now down to one job, taking some time off to relax this summer. As my health and outlook have improved, I have seen an improvement in him. He was very worried about his mama, and since I am his only parent..

What a blessing it has been in recent months to be able to work from home. A real answer to prayers.

My current main job is a seasonal one, and so in August I need to find something else to do. I'd like it to be something involving writing or editing, but if an interesting legal job comes along I will certainly consider that. I'd love to be able to continue to work from home, but I will just have to see what happens.

At least I feel optimistic now about being able to handle the normal stress of work.

July 04, 2015

Exactly 53 years ago today I was struggling. Struggling to escape my watery cocoon and go to a party. Why?

Well, I was "in utero" as they say, and my mother was at a barbeque. I imagine that I could smell the delightful aromas of barbeque and fresh Georgia peaches and I wanted OUT.

People always say "Isn't it nice to have a birthday on the 4th of July?!" Well, no, actually.

Everyone always has plans. Always. Think about it. You probably have a ritual. You go to the lake or pool or to your mama's house for a cookout. Everyone has a ritual. The plans probably don't include helping a friend celebrate their birthday. When I was a kid it really bummed me out.

Now I am older and it still sucks but I am resigned to it. My plans today DO include going out to lunch with Michael and some friends, and my brother is coming in for a visit -- so I will be celebrating.

July 01, 2015

I think one of the hardest things about being over 50 is realizing that you're on the back 9 of your life. You're not the fresh-faced kid any more. You're not the youngster in the office.

For me it's been more jarring, I think, because I am the youngest grandchild on both sides of my family. So I've always been the baby. My nickname as a child was "Deebaby." My catchphrase for years was "I'M NOT A BABY!!!"

Of course, after the first few gray hairs appeared I started to wax nostalgic about that whole "baby of the family" deal...

On my father's side of the family, the oldest grandchild was my cousin Chris Thompson. He was raised in California, and I only saw him a few times in my life. It felt so strange to be around him because all of us Thompson first cousins were a pretty tight-knit group and he wasn't part of it. He was much like us though. We are all smart, funny, creative, and adept at sarcastic one-liners. Ironic that only Chris, who didn't grow up hanging out with us, went on to fame and fortune in Hollywood as a professional funny guy.

When I was struggling to write screenplays some years ago Chris read one of my efforts and gave me feedback. He was supportive and encouraging.

It contains a number of inaccuracies. If you scroll down and read the comments you will see corrections. [This is why I have such a deep mistrust of news outlets..]

I listened to a podcast interview Chris did with Barry Katz, Industry Standard, and it brought back a lot of memories. I wasn't really surprised that he didn't talk about his dad's family -- our family -- but focused mostly on his early life and career. Chris was an early colleague of Robin Williams and he produced a TV show called Bosom Buddies, which gave Tom Hanks his start.

I have thought a lot about Chris over the past several days. His mom didn't encourage visits when he was a kid, and he didn't get to know his father and sisters until he was an adolescent, but he forged solid ties after that, with many visits back to the family in Augusta.

I know Chris battled alcoholism and the typical Hollywood temptations. He was married three times, and left behind 3 children.

He didn't have a southern accent and he wasn't raised around the rest of us, but his wit, his love for his children, his love of golf, his voracious intellect -- he WAS one of our clan. I just wish I had been able to know him better.

Below, the only time I think Chris was ever around all of us at one time, in 1974. He is in the middle wearing a white shirt, and he had long hair. This was when he was very young, and working as a carpenter in Los Angeles.

The most memorable part of this lunch was that Chris' dad and his brothers Lewis and Tony all had a drink or two and they were telling hilarious stories about the little town where they grew up. I doubt Chris had ever heard those stories before. They were always embellished when all 3 brothers were telling them. I wish we had filmed the storytelling that day.

I like to think that now Chris is with Dad, Bobby and Lewis, in heaven, and they are all sitting around telling funny stories...