40something there's still sadness.

Im really struggling w the idea of growing old w no significant partner to share life with. I am working hard toward a fullfilling life among friends family work and activities, but still i have a sadness that lingers. Sometimes i think that if i did things diff w my ex and not many of the mistakes , i would still be with him, but truth is that nothing made him happy, he was verbally abusive and had a huge role in our unhappiness although he claimed to do everything right. I need to remember that because often i miss him and wish to hear from him but i know its out of loneliness. For the most part i look good for 40 something i am kind, great personality and good heart, but i cant help being concerned about aging without a loving partner by my side. I feel sad as i write. Shared w my therapist today. Readers....i really did love my ex still do. I really thought he was the one. 5 months NC one year apart. Oh well. Pain and heartbreak have substantially lessen but like i said the thoughts of being alone hurt and the sadness lingers.....not all the time, some days more than others.
Any words of encouragement greatly appreciated. Has anyone felt similar. Please be gentle not easy sharing the hurt.

"Verbally abusive". Men should never act this way.
I've never sworn at a woman before in my life, I will call them out on mistreating me and if they're doing me wrong, but it's in a loving way.
I don't do it to make a woman feel like shit, but I let them know that"Hey, I'm not cool with how you're treating me", just as every woman should do as well to their men.

Real men who understand women do not argue with women. They communicate. Arguing just causes emotional distance.
You're better off.

Good post hun, it takes a lot of courage to say what you said.
You're still young, you're 40, you will find someone else and continue to have laughter, love, and other great memories.

It's funny. I remember discussing the same thing with my therapist about my ex. When things weren't going well for me, I would wonder if I had done the right thing by divorcing him. Were things really that bad? Why did I feel jealous of his new girlfriend even though I was, am, involved with someone? They go for cooking lessons! We never did that!

The point is, things were that bad that we felt the need to divorce. It's natural to think the grass is greener..etc.. It's true when they say time heals all wounds. Love will find you when you least expect it and that love you feel for your ex will subside.

I think you don't deserved to be treated like that, You know that he is an abusive partner, Why still stay in that suffocating relationship? Choose your freedom. You can still do something better for your life than staying in that situation that you are in right now. Life is simple. Don't complicate it by your own choice.