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Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Below are the 8 stages of birthing a novel, and why fiction
writers drink.

THE STAGE OF:

JOY – You are finished your manuscript.Damn, it’s good!The best thing you’ve written, and it’s ALL
DONE!Time to open the Glenlivet.

ANGST - You submit manuscript to your publisher.Yes, even though they’ve already published 5
of your novels, you still don’t know if they will publish this one. Will they like it?Is it as funny as you think it is?Is it garbage?Glenlivet is required to get through the next
few days/weeks.

RELIEF - They send you a contract –
YAY!You are not a has-been!Your baby, which was a year in the making
(not merely 9 months) will have a life!

Glenlivet is required to celebrate.

ASTONISHMENT – The first round of edits
come back.What do you mean you have
substantive changes to make?That story
was PERFECT, dammit!This is the 15th
draft, not the 1st.Commiserate with other writers over Glenlivet in the bar at the Drake.

CRIPPLING SELF-DOUBT – The changes they
require are impossible.You’ll never be
able to keep it funny/full of high tension, by taking out or changing that
scene.What about the integrity?Motivation? And what’s so darn bad about
being ‘too slapstick,’ anyway?This is
comedy!

Can’t sleep.Look for Glenlivet.

ACCEPTANCE – Okay, you’re rewriting, and somehow
it’s working.Figured out how to work
around their concerns.New scene is not
bad.Not as good as the original, of
course (why couldn’t they see that) but still a good scene.Phew.You’re still a professional.

Professionals drink Glenlivet, right?

JOY
– They accept all your changes!YAY!All systems go. This baby
will have a life.

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Okay, I tricked you.You thought this was going to be a humour column.Not so fast.Yes, it’s about writing humorous books,

because that’s what I
write.But I’m sure this could apply to
most books.

Writing a novel, or even a novella, means hours and hours of
work at a keyboard.Hundreds of
hours.Maybe even a thousand hours for a
full-length novel.

Some of those hours are great fun.Others, not so much.Why is it that some scenes are a kick to
write, and others just drudgery?

Here’s what Agatha Christie said in the Foreword to Crooked
House, one of her “special favourites.”
“I should say that of one’s output, five books are work to one that is real
pleasure…Again and again someone says to me: ‘How you must have enjoyed writing
so and so!’ This about a book that obstinately refused to come out the way you
wished, whose characters are sticky, the plot needlessly involved, and the
dialogue stilted – or so you think yourself. “

Christie was referring to books, but I think the same can be
said for scenes.Some, you can’t wait to
write.Others are purgatory.Here’s my own method for plodding through the
fire.

The Bad Girl Method to Writing a Novel

I always start with what I call a “light outline.”Yes, I outline.But I don’t outline every scene, or even list
every scene.Instead, I start with ‘Three
Acts and a Finale.’Here’s the minimum I
know before I start a book:

Inciting moment , Crisis 1 (in a murder mystery, the first
murder,) Crisis 2 (the second murder,) Crisis 3 (includes the black moment,
usually danger for the protagonist,) Finale(solving of crime.)

Yes, I write it down.I use Excel for this.When I have
more thought out, I add it in.When I
get new ideas, I make notes on my schematic so I don’t forget them.(I understand Scrivener is terrific for
this.Some people use post it notes on a
white board.Different strokes, but the
same idea.)

So here’s the question I often get asked by my Crafting a
Novel students:Do I write in order,
from A to Z?

No, I don’t.

I always write the beginning chapters first.I do that, because I want to see if the
characters are compelling enough to carry an entire book.Meaning, do I like the protagonist, do I care
about her, and am I really excited to write her story.It may take a whole year to do so.I better freaking well want to live her life
for a while.

If that works (meaning, if I like the first few chapters)
then I’ll usually skip to the end, and write Crisis 3 and the finale.I’ve just said something big there:Yes, I always know the ending before I start
the book.

I like to write the ending before I’m too invested in the project,
because I want to know that it rocks.If
it doesn’t rock, then I’m probably not going to want to invest another 500
hours writing the middle of the book.

So once I’ve written the beginning and the end, THEN do I
write in order?

Not always.

Here’s my trick:I continue
to move forward.But sometimes I skip
scenes I’m not in a mood to write.I’ll
put a note in brackets on the manuscript to fill in later.

I can’t explain it, but some scenes are just hard to write. I put off writing them.This is where many of my students go
wrong.When they hit a scene like that, they
just stop.

The trick is not to walk away from the keyboard.Instead, go on to another scene that you do
want to write.

When your manuscript is 90% finished, you will have the
incentive to go back and complete those hard scenes.It will still be work.But the lure of the finish line makes it
easier.

Why don’t I write a complete outline, scene by scene?I’m one of those authors who gets bored if I
know *exactly* what is coming next.If I
have to write a fully scripted story for an entire year, it feels like
drudgery.So this is what works for
me:know where I am going in each act,
but not exactly how I will get there.Be
willing to make changes along the way, if I stumble across a brilliant new
route to the ending.Heck, even change
the ending, if a better destination presents itself along the journey.

And that’s what makes it all fun.

Coming Sept 5: WORST DATE EVER! A book that was great fun to write. Christie would approve.