A healthy tax payer is asking the Controller of the House of Commons to close down the tax payer subsidised restaurants and bars where MPs and their guests can scoff haute cuisine and fine wines at prices which would rarely give them a hunky burger and soft drink in any other establishment.

Pen Seive insists he does not wish to be a killjoy, but said leaving the bars and restaurants open would send the wrong message to the occupants of a building where obesity is on the rise and a third of those occupants are walking heart attacks due to this lifestyle, yet still find time to tell the rest of the country how to live healthy lives.

He predicts that the fat, idle, parasitic, MPs would have a strop and throw their teddies out of the pram if such a closure occurred but said that this, at least, would give those obnoxious twonks some form of exercise.

A spokesperson of the House said that the bars and restaurants would remain open as once the MPs have been elected, they couldn't give a stuff what the rest of the country says and eloquently added, "Yahboo suck. So there!"