Widowed and Alone: Rebuilding Your Social Life

After the death of a partner or spouse you've been caring for, you may find that your social life in disarray. But rebuilding a social life can prevent stress and help widows, widowers, and surviving partners get through the grieving process.

By Melanie Winderlich
Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Although some may argue that there's no such thing as life after death, the theory surely exists for the sake of those widowed, and surviving partners of committed but unmarried couples. People who survive the death of a spouse or a partner must not only grieve and cope with their loss, they must also keep on living and function as best they can.

When death parts a couple, it can be extremely difficult, yet beneficial, for the survivor to reinvigorate his or her social life. The bereavement process is different for each person and takes time, perhaps years, but as the song says, people need people.

The Benefits of Having a Social Life

Improving your social life after the loss of a spouse or partner may be a hard concept for widowed people to first accept. "Most survivors first say they now have no one to bounce ideas off of and must assume all the responsibilities," says Ellie Schwartzberg, MSC, a licensed counselor for more than 30 years and vice president of geriatric services at Jewish Family and Children's Service in Phoenix. "The survivor has to take care of all the roles. They miss the touching, holding, and affection — knowing that someone who truly loved them is now gone."

Before moving forward with their social life, the survivor must fully grieve, says Schwartzberg. "It can take one to two years, or longer, to fully grieve and move through the bereavement process before a survivor is ready to start anew."

Research evidence shows that having a social life and maintaining connectedness can reduce the effects of stress and bolster a sense of well-being for the surviving spouse. A Finnish study found that widowed participants who had a social life and a strong support network of friends and family were better able to cope with their grief.

An important point to remember is that there's no rush to jump back into an active social life. Many variables can affect each person's grieving process and how soon they'll be ready to start socializing again. Questions that can affect the grieving process include:

Was the loss sudden or expected?

Was the marriage or long-term relationship happy or rocky?

Was the couple financially stable?

Does the survivor have a strong sense of spirituality?

Does the survivor have a lot of stress in his or her life?

How to Improve Your Social Life After Losing a Partner

Once you feel ready to improve your social life, start small. Assess what you truly enjoyed doing, even before your partner passed away, and find an organization that offers classes or group events involving that interest. For example, if you love to paint, take an art class at a local community center or studio. If you enjoy sports, try a softball league; join a book club if you love to read. In addition to having fun, you'll meet people along the way with similar interests.

Another good way of rebuilding your social life is by joining a bereavement group, especially one geared toward your age category. These groups are sources of emotional and social support. Religious organizations, state agencies, and community outreach programs offer weekly and monthly meetings for widowed partners, depending on your area. Members usually become good friends within these groups and continue to see each other even after they've "graduated." In addition, they get tremendous support from knowing that they're not alone.

Whatever avenue survivors decide to pursue, it's important not to make big changes too early. Schwartzberg recommends waiting at least a year after a loss before making any major life changes, like moving, starting a new relationship, or remarrying, that should be based on sound judgment, not emotion.

"The surviving spouse is like a cake, and a new relationship is the frosting," says Schwartzberg. "The cake has to be whole and ready before the frosting can go on. The period after the death of a spouse or partner is very difficult, acknowledges Schwartzberg, "but most people who go through bereavement come out stronger and make a new life for themselves."