Advice for Portage Public Schools on keeping teens away from drugs and alcohol

As Portage grapples with the issue of teen substance abuse, I received a lengthy e-mail this week from a 38-year-old Portage Northern High School graduate who wants to inject "some reality into this discussion."

The writer, who describes himself as "someone who has been through the destructive path of addiction and come out the other side alive," says adults are looking in the wrong direction for solutions.

"I didn't start using drugs because I was an addict," wrote the man, who asked that his name not be used. "I started using drugs because I was miserable, depressed, ostracized by a group of peers who had been taught by their parents that material wealth is an accurate measure of intrinsic human value, ignored by my parents unless they were angry at me or needed something done around the house, and browbeaten by a court system that punished me for my parents' failures."

He criticizes the "reefer madness" approach to drug education.

"When authority figures engage in hyperbole, kids know you're full of it and you've lost whatever chance you may have had to hold their respect on those matters," he writes.

Another failed approach, he says, is authoritarianism: "Drug dogs in schools, 'closed' campuses that are more like prisons than schools, and 'taking a hard line' might make for nice headlines and warm, fuzzy feelings, but behind your back these kids are feeling violated, disrespected and distrusted.

"If your kid wants to get high, your kid's gonna get high. Instead of trying to stop them from getting high, try figuring out why they want to get high and stopping THAT," he writes.

"Here are some realities that, for whatever reason, the media, the 'experts,' the law, and the feel-good propaganda aren't telling you:

"If you lie to your kids, they will find the truth.

"If you ignore your kids, they will find attention elsewhere.

"If you treat your kid like a criminal, they'll act like one.

"If you try to chain them up, they will seek freedom."

In his opinion, he said, here's what parents really need to offer:

"Honesty, openness, unconditional love, the ability to deal in a straightforward manner with difficult or uncomfortable subjects, and above all else remembering that your child is a unique, individual human being -- NOT a clone of you! -- who deserves respect, honesty, straight dealing, tools to make good decisions, trust that they will do so, and tolerance and understanding when they make a mistake."