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Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Seek and Destroy Sneaky Telling & GIVEAWAY!

Cheryl Wyatt here. I have editor Jeff Gerke to thank for the enlightenment of today's post. In addition to being an outstanding author, Jeff is publisher of Marcher Lord Press. He taught me what "sneaky telling" was at last year's American Christian Fiction Writers www.acfw.com conference and it has absolutely revolutionized my writing.

I was going over an old manuscript that won awards in unpubbed contests to see if I wanted to try to market it. I've grown a lot in craft since writing it almost seven years ago, so I thought there couldn't be much wrong with it since it won first place in ACFW's Genesis Contest in the Mystery, Suspense, Thriller category.

But Jeff found TEN (count them...TEN) instances of sneaky telling...all on the first page or two! LOL.

So apparently I do this sneaky telling thing quite a bit.

I know what regular telling is, like when you totally narrate the story rather than let it play out as in a movie. Also, telling can mean using telling words such as "felt," "saw," "watched," "wondered" and a slew of other sensory words when just simply stating what the character felt, saw, wondered would suffice.

Sneaky telling is a bit more tricky.

In Stealth Surrender, the story Jeff went over I have an F-22 pilot in a cockpit being chased by three foreign aircraft. The pilot is communicating with a commander via the plane's communication system. The pilot states: “Looks like three prehistoric Migs and an F5.” The word prehistoric is what Jeff calls sneaky telling. Reason being that a seasoned fighter pilot and his (or her...grin) commander would know that a mig is an older model plane, so this character wouldn't use that wordage. Basically what I did in this instance and all the others was try to spoon feed the reader vital information. Jeff taught me to be mindful of not violating character for the sake of exposition.

Another example of sneaky telling was when the commander told another serviceman later to, "Meet me in my office here at Bagram immediately." Well, duh. What part of that was sneaky telling?

"at Bagram." Why? Because both characters already know where the commander's office is. I was trying to let the reader know, yet in doing so I violated character. The other reason that was sneaky telling was because both servicemembers were already at Bagram. LOL! So it's obvious I'm sneaking info to the reader and not being very good at it. To stay in deep POV, keep the characters knowing what the characters know. Is this making sense yet?

Let's see if you can spot the "sneaky telling" in some of my other lines:

In Jeff's words: "Think of show vs. tell in this way: if the camera can see it, it’s not telling. So, can the camera see that he is a seasoned fighter pilot? No, not in that moment. You just told us that. The trick is to convert invisible telling to visible showing. Let’s say all you had to work with were a movie camera and a microphone—how would you get across that he was a seasoned fighter pilot? Probably by showing him do things that no rookie could do. Maybe even a “It’ll be just like Iraq” or some comments like that too."--Jeff

Okay, here's another line. See if you can spot the sneaky telling:

“R.J. had gained unwavering confidence in the sophisticated Raptor to know it could…”

Answer: The word "confidence" is the sneaky telling there. Ask yourself this: Can the camera see what confidence he’d gained? No. But I could show him exhibiting confidence in the plane.

Here's another. Spot the "sneaky telling": “One of the raven-haired puppies his team had adopted after rescuing them from a live mine where they’d scrounged for food, sprawled across Micah’s cot stretched, lifted her head, opened one eye and yawned.”

The trick is to ask yourself: What portion of this can the camera see? We see a dog yawn. That’s it. The rest—the history of where the dogs came from—is invisible to the camera. It’s sneaky telling.

There were a TON more examples that I'll maybe share another day, but go through your manuscripts on one of your final proofreads to seek and destroy any sneaky telling on your part. It's easily fixable.

He is also publisher for Marcher Lord Press, an innovative Christian Speculative Fiction company. See www.marcherlordpress.com for more details. There are some GREAT speculative fiction books out now and previously from MLP that would make excellent Christmas presents for the readers in your life who love something that's both wholesome and different. Hope you will check them out.

Now go seek and destroy the "sneaky telling" in your own work. Then come back and share it as well as what you did to fix it.

Happy sniping!

Cheryl Wyatt

THIS JUST IN: Jeff stopped by and is offering a FREE copy of his new craft book: The Art & Craft of Writing Christian Fiction, by Jeff Gerke. Guys, he is an outstanding editor, so this is a fabulous book. Everyone who comments will be entered so please leave your e-mail address in the comment section so we can contact you should you win. Deadline for entry will be Midnight CST Thursday, Dec 17.

***Entries limited to the Continental U.S. only please***

Review of Jeff's book:

I just read the most wonderful book, The Art & Craft of Writing Christian Fiction, by Jeff Gerke. It had been on my shelf for a while, because I'd been busy with deadlines and such, but while recovering from surgery this past week I finally read it. And now, I'm kicking myself for not reading it months ago, because it is absolutely packed with excellent advice. Reading it was like sitting down with the author and receiving an in-depth workshop in my own home.

I'd recommend it whether you're an aspiring author, or have dozens of books under your belt. I've sold twenty-eight books or so now, and in addition to the great nuts-and bolts information (which I loved) he gave me so many new insights on the art of writing Christian fiction. I would recommend this book to any Christian writer, at whatever place they might be along the spectrum from beginner to advanced.

I'm going to order another copy to give to a critique friend, who is hoping to break into the Christian market. What a perfect Christmas present!

Don't forget to leave a comment to be entered! Everyone who commented prior to me posting this GIVEAWAY addendum will be automatically entered.

Hi Lynn! Jeff is a master with story and what he taught me totally challenged me to step it up to the next level.

Thanks for stopping by.

Here are some HOMEMADE donuts deep fried and dripping with sweetness. Also there are pots of Amaretto tea and toffee cocoa..steaming. Marshmallows optional in the little stealth fighter bucket in honor of today's post.

There's also a breakfast burrito platter for those of you who need protien for breakfast. There's eggs scrambled with sausage with optional green peppers, grated cheddar and white american cheese as well as onions and grilled mushrooms if you like.

WOW, Cheryl, I am SO guilty of this, so thank you for the great lesson today.

And I am especially glad for this subject today because it allows me to air my grievances about a certain pet peeve I have that I suspect Jeff would qualify as "sneaky telling."

You see, I definitely believe in "showing" rather than "telling," but I do believe that there are times when you can use "telling" to your advantage. For instance, one of my FAVORITE things to do in a scene is to use the names of specific emotions to drive a point home, coupled with a "showing" action. Things like:

Am I telling here? You bet -- I'm telling the reader that Faith is afraid, but I am also showing it through the action of fear "feathering her skin like spiders." I personally believe that this delivers a one-two punch to the reader that clearly and effectively conveys what the character is feeling. Is it "sneaky telling"? Probably, but I'm okay with it and have no intention of stopping this mode of writing. Because for me, it puts me smack dab in the middle of the character's mind and body, and hopefully, my reader as well.

Whew! I feel SO much better getting that off my chest. Thanks, Cheryl!! :)

Really helpful, Cheryl! I'm afraid I'm guilty. Sneaky telling is a hard thing to eliminate, but I'm trying to do it. I think it must have been much easier to write fiction in the nineteenth century when it was the writing style--but hard not to bore the reader.

Mary, I think the point is that showing engages the reader moreso than telling does. Whenever you come away from a book feeling like you were literally there...take a look at the author's style and I'll be they were writing in deep POV or mostly showing scenes rather than tell them.

It's not so much that telling is always wrong as it is that showing is always better if you can manage to do it because showing engages the reader into the scene, the story and even into your characters' hearts and minds.

This is sooooo good, but very difficult to pick out. You provide perfect, easy to understand examples. But I've spent some time this morning going back through stuff I've written, trying to pounce on my certain sneaky telling errs, but ... I need help! I'm sure they're lurking, but I need to spend more time de-sneaking them. :)

The idea of ‘sneaky telling’ is very interesting. I believe, as I explain on my blog, that ultimately all showing is telling when the communication is reduced to its most fundamental components.

This leaves a basic question: when we strive to convert ‘telling” (even ‘sneaky telling’) to ‘showing’ are we necessarily making the reading experience better for the reader or are we mostly paying homage to a ‘theory’ of writing? That is, are we writing for other writers rather than the reader?

I’d like to see a scientific experiment in which a chapter of the same novel is written two ways: (1) for maximum reading enjoyment using telling to maximum effect and (2) using showing to its maximum effect, even to the extent to removing every case of ‘sneaky telling’. It would be interesting to see which chapter readers liked best. Actually, I have no idea what the test results would be.

Here is a philosophical question that might be insightful: Do you believe that there are cases where it is better to tell rather than show and that telling in these cases provides the better reading experience? I do believe this.

My personal writing philosophy is to always try to create the best and most rewarding ‘reading experience’ for the reader. If theory gets in the way of this, then theory gets pushed aside.

Actually, writing is so subjective that even if a given theory is correct, it still might not be of much significance. For example, let’s say that ‘showing’ rather than ‘telling’ is worth one unit of reading enjoyment while ‘the power of the story’ is worth ten units of enjoyment. In this case insuring you have the most power or compelling story is where the critical difference will be found.

I enjoyed your post. I don’t disagree with it. I just wonder how it fits in with the grand scheme of things.

Thanks for coming by. As I mentioned earlier, for me, I know I get more reader letters and reviewers who say they felt riveted or engaged in the story more when I show rather than tell.

I think it's all in how you execute the scene and feed the reader information. It's kind of subliminal sometimes, the techniques that engage readers.

I think showing rather than telling is one of those techniques that you can choose to use or not and, obviously, with Jeff being an acquisitions editor and an industry professional, he knows what editors are looking for. I know one of the things that can sometimes flag a writer as novice is when they tell rather than show.

So if you're trying to break in, I'd highly recommend you try to show more than tell whever possible.

I think it's today's trend, whereas twenty years ago, stories were pretty much narrated by an omniscient voice that was obviously the author "telling" the story. But today's readers like to be shown, so they can envision the story as if it were a movie on the big screen.

I think it boils down to showing the story so the reader experiences it, not just reads it.

That's my personal opinion and I do know, as a former firest reader for pub houses, that almost all editors are looking for strong mss that show rather than tell.

Yes, Audra...I'm so glad you said that. Trying to prevent sneaky telling in a first draft will slow an author up. That's why I mentioned I recommend folks look for it while doing final proofreads because it is super easy to fix. I think it's easier to fix than to prevent in the first place.

I just love learning from you it is such a blessing! I was getting good at picking them out, now I will never read the same again! Read Novel Ideas and you won't ever watch a movie the same either! I am reading it now! Merry Cristmas!!

i'm kinda dying over here to get this book. i've heard rave reviews about it. i will tell you my recent sob stories if it would have any impact whatsoever in increasing the number of my names to go in the pot...

LOL Jeannie! I can only enter folks once and I know you were kidding. But go ahead and post your sob story if you like. LOL! This is a great place of commiseration and cyber hugs as well as boots to the caboose when we need it.

Cheryl, this is great info. I never thought of it or termed it 'sneaky telling', but I know it bugs me... I always saw it as overstating and it's so easy to do! An easy trap for us whenever we're working word counts vs. deadlines.

Great examples, guys, and Jeff!!! Thanks for stopping in. I'd contacted Jeff about blogging with us last spring/summer but he and his pretty wife were heading to China to pick up their new baby daughter. So beautiful and so sweet! Mega congrats, Gerke family!

Anyway, this is GOOD SAGE advice because clean writing shouldn't be labored with sneaky stuff... Thank you guys for a good, hard look at this.

Hey, I brought afternoon sugar cookies and fresh coffee and tea for a mid-day boost... I know I need one about now. Or a nap but that isn't about to happen!

Okay, must make sugar cookies with the kidlets.... Presents for Mom and Dad... Sprinkles.... Frosting...

Ruthy, sugar cookies...yum! You have to be the BEST babysitter on the planet. I bet you have no idea how many sweet memories you're instilling in those kidlets, good times they'll remember years and years from now.

Thanks for educating this reader even more. (and dont enter me)I did pick some of the ones you asked us to pick. I think I read a book earlier this year with alot of sneaky telling but it was big words they used! I know some were jargon used in the field of work but it took me awhile to read it cos of the words used in this field and often thought there were to many words describing the scene or what was happening and alot were words an average person wouldn't say.It just seemed this person wanted to show of there vocabulary and I had to try and work out what some of the words really meant.It was a good read once I could get into the feel of it.

Cheryl!!!I haven't talked to you in FOREVER(or so it feels like!)! : (

Just got back from the dentist...cavity....ughhhh! He had to give me double the ana_____...ummm....numby stuff : D and I could STILL feel the drill *shudder*

Anyway, this was such a cool post! I totally loved the guessing on the examples. Very fun! I actually got a couple too Woohoo!

I've been meaning to send you a quick email to tell you that 2 weeks ago(?) no, a week and a half ago, I finished A Soldier's Family. Such a satisfying read!! Lol...I've been recommending it too. Just thought I'd let you know to maybe brighten your day just a tad : )

Still haven't heard from colleges : / However, in AP Physics today I got back 2 labs. I got 95% and 100% on them!!! Usually I get Bs on my labs because(this is a secret that stays in Seekerville) I hate doing labs! Lol!! Anyway, that lifted my spirits since I had a physics test, got back a calculus test, and had the dentist appointment all in ONE (count 'em, one!) day!

Anyway, I will stop rambling and talking everyone's ears off now...Great job with everything Cheryl!!HannahBy the way, the donuts sound delish! Makes me wanna eat one : ( My mom's been making homemade donuts this weekend too! Lol...but I can't eat those either!! Why is the world out to get me!?!?!

Very helpful post, Jeff. I know I'm guilty of both telling and sneaky telling now. Thanks for your examples. I would've never known this was sneaky telling. There is just so much to learning the craft and it's an ongoing lesson for me. Thank you, Cheryl.patjeannedavis[at]verizon[dot]net

Great information. "If the camera can't see it..." Never thought of it that way.Jeff is a great teacher, even though he almost drove me crazy at Mount Hermon trying to drive home a point I wasn't recognizing. Bless him, he kept after me and it's something I've depended on in all my writing since.In case I'm fortunate:Dr R L Mabry at yahoo dot com

Hi Cheryl, What great examples to SHOW us that elusive "show don't tell" directive. Great examples and it becomes so clear once you see the examples.

Thanks for sharing and tell Jeff thanks also.

For a late afternoon pick-me-up, I have an assortment of chips, sun chips, corn chips, sweet potato chips, etc and to go with it, old-fashioned onion dip, clam dip, guacamole (the real Mexican way with avocado, tomato and lemon juice and no filler stuff) and some hot melted nacho cheese dip.

Cheryl's been kicking my butt all over the place pointing out my sneaky telling ever since her critique with Jeff. She is a wonderful teacher, and I love how she takes what she's learned to apply it on what she's working on (and what I'm working on!)

After learning the craft of writing, I don't read books the same. LOL! Sometimes I wish I were still oblivious, but I really appreciate when an author makes writing look so seamless when in reality it's not.

Hi Pat! Thanks for coming by. Yes, there's a lot to learn but don't let that overwhelm you and keep you from pressing on and just writing. I've been writing fiction for over ten years and am just now learning this concept of sneaky telling.

I suspect I will always be learning as long as I'm writing. At least I hope so.

Thanks to Jeff and Cheryl for this post! I had an ms I thought well past ready for submission. I received so many positive critiques, but I still tweaked here and there. I finally sent it to a semi-pro writer, hoping to receive the go ahead for submission. She wrote back that I had a real telling/showing problem. I was FLOORED. I've never had that problem - always the oppositie, in fact. It turns out, I'd tried so hard to curb my tendency to overshow that I'd finally gone too far. It is possible! LOL Hopefully, I've fixed that issue, but it is an insidious predator of good fiction.

Thanks Cheryl! I'm just barely starting to un-numb! Arghhhhh! It's been almost 4 hours since I LEFT the dentist! Shouldn't it have un-numbed by now!? : P

Sorry to complain!!

So, Cheryl, three questions that just popped into my head...1) What are you reading right now? Or maybe a better question what did you last read(I understand it's the Xmas season=busy!!!)2) What are you working on right now? Any inside hints on what you're working on for your fans who can't wait for your next book(s)!?!?3) Are you extremely excited or what about your new release in JANUARY!?!?! Lol! I know I'm sooo excited, so you must be thrilled!

There, that should keep you busy for a minute, since I know you have nothing to do *wink*Talk to you later,Hannah

I did not want to argue that a writer should always ‘tell’ when she could just as well ‘show’. My view is more to the point that if you earnestly strive to change every ‘tell’ situation into a ‘show’ situation, the writing might become stilted. In fact, I think current writers have created a ‘show’ style that I am sure will be replaced at some future date.

Of course, according to the GMP (Greatest Management Principal: “what gets rewarded, gets done”), what editors buy, editors will get more of. Indeed, I am using a great deal of ‘show’ in my WIP. I don’t intend to fight the system; just nudge it to the edge. This way I might invent a new subgenre of “edgy” contemporary romance. : )

The idea that “if a camera can’t see it…” is a good rule of thumb but in, reality, the novel is not a movie. I believe that each medium offers unique opportunities and limitations. Thus the artist is advised to exploit the medium’s unique potential for maximum performance.

For example, sometimes I have dreams in black and white and all I ‘see’ are words that scroll by and I have to read my dream. This is very annoying when I could have had a full color, large as life, dream with surround around sound. Perhaps one can spend too much time thinking about words. : )

Well, I better get back to writing. I just can’t stand the idea of finishing my WIP because only then will the really hard work begin.

D'oh! There goes my word count. No, seriously, this is a great discipline. Reading these articles here at Seekerville is making me a lean, mean critiquing machine. BTW, I'm blaming you for the bruises on my CP's writing hands.; )

Wow, great post! Thanks so much for sharing it, Jeff & Cheryl! Mercy, I can see my making a trip through manuscript-land and taking aim at a ton of sneaky telling. It's so easy to let things like that slip through. I know my first full-length novel was rife with telling of every kind, not just the sneaky sort. I've learned better since then, but I must admit, sometimes a quick "tell" is better than George got into the red '88 Corvette and started the engine. After fastening his seatbelt, he backed carefully onto the busy street. He drove across town, almost having a wreck at the corner of Main and Third, but still arriving safely at his destination: Marilyn's house. Ick. George drove to Marilyn's house is so much easier, and who needs all that information?

What a cool post! Thanks so much for sharing those examples. Makes me want to root through my manuscript for more telling (because I already have issues with normal telling, let alone sneaky stuff) LOL

Hi Victoria! Thanks for coming by. Sounds like you have a heart to learn and willingness to improve your craft however it takes...so that's a real plus. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I'm getting ready to read Fearless by Max Lucado and do a Bible study with my niece. I'm also reading Battle of the Mind by Joyce Meyers-non-ficiton. Fiction-wise I'm getting ready to read next month's LIs. LOL! I love Christmas stories and picked up one by Debbie Macomber...the title eludes me right now.

2. I just finished a proposal for the last book (for now) in Wings of Refuge which is Brock's story for consideration and also a proposal for a new series, also set in Refuge but will feature ancillary characters such as Officer Stallings and Cole the paramedic and Ash Petrowski, etc. I'm hoping Steeple Hill will offer contract on it.

I'm also working on a single title set in the Vietnam era that is a military romance that another publisher approached me about and talked to me about writing. The research on that one is killing me though and I'm having a tough time coming up with a plot I like and want to run with. So we'll see. I hoped to have that proposal done by Christmas but who knows.

And yes! I'm looking forward to Vince's story releasing. Readers have already gotten it somewhat through the Reader Service book club. I hope and pray it sells well.

Thanks for your kind words about A Soldier's Family! Your support means a lot as does the fact that you're helping to get the word out. That is so beneficial to authors. Bless you for doing that!

The camera scenario was great. I wish I could share everythng Jeff taught me because it surpassed just sneaky telling. But if you ever have a chance to be edited by him or have a critique at ACFW or elsewhere, do it. You'll learn a lot that you can apply to future writing.

For those of you who don't win the book, I highly recommend you buy it for your craft shelf if you're an aspiring author. You will refer to it again and again.

As I read your post and several of the comments, I thought about your excerpt of the puppies the guys had rescued. The part about the puppies scrounging around for food was almost like a mini-backstory section, pulling at my heartstrings.

Even if it is sneaky telling, I like knowing stuff like that about the characters (uh, and the puppies! lol).

Hope you figure out another way to add it back in if that's sneaky telling.

Ugh, sneaky telling, I'm just learning the skill of show don't tell. Promise me that these skills can become a part of my writing flow.I would like to be entered in the contest. It sounds like I need this book.Dianeneedmorewordscs[at]blogspot[dot]com

Glad I came back since Jeff's giveaway wasn't posted when I read this yesterday. But I wanted to read the follow-up comments. Great post, Jeff and Cheryl, and please count me in.

Sneaky telling. I'm glad you pointed out that one shouldn't worry too much about this in the first draft, and that over time, show, don't tell, along with other craft, simply becomes part of one writing. I need the little bit of hair I have left!

Thank you so much for the examples. I would like to write a book if I would ever quit talking about it and start doing it and will try and make sure I am not "sneaky telling"ThanksKaren (gods_princess3(at)(yahoo)

Hey Patricia! Great to see you again. Yep, don't worry about the sneaky telling until the end.

Honestly I think it's an advanced technique to learn and if you're still trying to break in don't worry about sneaky telling at all.

Just write the most engaging story you can with the most lovable characters you can. That's what will attract an editor's eye. A stellar story. I have almost 7 books out now but I wrote scads more before I ever sold and I'm just now learning this.

So if you're trying to break in, save this post for way, way later. Just finish your book. Write, write, write and forget the rules for now.

As I mentioned to Patricia and others, get it written before getting it right.

The first time I finished a manuscript I had the bliss of not knowing a thing about craft. But had I been trying to get it all right, I may have never finished that story or known I could finish one. So just keep pressing through and close your hands over your ears if the thought of trying to get everything right stresses you.

It really can stop the creative flow so just write the story and make the characters lovable. Aim for those two things and forget about the rest.

For every rule, there is a successful author out there who breaks it.

Yes, try on edits to attain industry standards but for now, as you're writing, toss out all rules and just write.