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Topic: Guestlist Dilemma (Read 3115 times)

DS is turning one in less than a month! Every parent was right, time goes by really fast, especially the first year.

DH and I are at odds about the guestlist. DH wants to keep it strictly close family and friends, about 38 people, which I don't mind. However, he also wants to invite his two best friends and their wives too. DH and his two best friends belong to a social circle where everyone is almost always invited to get togethers. I feel that if we invite his two best friends and their wives, we should include everyone in the social circle too, especially another couple who also has a baby. This would increase the guestlist to 50+ people or so, which is more than DH and I prefer. Chances are not everyone will attend, but I don't want to offend anyone by inviting some and not others but I don't want to have more guests than we would prefer either in case everyone does show up.

When I had DS's first birthday earlier this year, we ended up stating "The party starts at 1 and ends at 6 but don't plan on staying the whole time" and everyone was happy. Some came for an hour in the middle of it, others came at the end. It was fun, fast paced for the kids, and we were able to visit with everyone. I guess it was more of an open house than an actual party.

I'm not a parent, so forgive me if my answer seems out of line, but isn't that an awfully big party for a baby? I mean, it seems like a one year old isn't going to appreciate a big fuss with 40+ people in attendance, and it might even frighten the little one. I would think-perhaps wrongly-that a little celebration with just the parents/GPs/any other close relatives that live nearby that spend time with the baby would be more in line with the occasion, maybe ten or twelve people.

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What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Unless you're looking at a convenient excuse/reason to have a large "adult" party most 1 yr old parties that I've heard about are immediate family/godparents and very close friends. Unless it's a very large immediate family or have a number of step-grandparents, even 38 people sounds excessive.

I'm not a parent, so forgive me if my answer seems out of line, but isn't that an awfully big party for a baby? I mean, it seems like a one year old isn't going to appreciate a big fuss with 40+ people in attendance, and it might even frighten the little one. I would think-perhaps wrongly-that a little celebration with just the parents/GPs/any other close relatives that live nearby that spend time with the baby would be more in line with the occasion, maybe ten or twelve people.

We have a lot of family in the area, most of which see DS on a weekly basis. That alone is about 20 people! This includes us, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We have some family that don't see us or him as often, like DH's grandmother, aunt, and cousins, but they keep up with how we and DS are doing (via Facebook, email, or other relatives). We consider them close. Each family unit is 3-6 people, so the numbers add up quickly.

Yes, the birthday child at one probably doesn't know or care what is going on, so it's more for the parents, family, and friends to celebrate than it is for the child.

DS is turning one in less than a month! Every parent was right, time goes by really fast, especially the first year.

DH and I are at odds about the guestlist. DH wants to keep it strictly close family and friends, about 38 people, which I don't mind. However, he also wants to invite his two best friends and their wives too. DH and his two best friends belong to a social circle where everyone is almost always invited to get togethers. I feel that if we invite his two best friends and their wives, we should include everyone in the social circle too, especially another couple who also has a baby. This would increase the guestlist to 50+ people or so, which is more than DH and I prefer. Chances are not everyone will attend, but I don't want to offend anyone by inviting some and not others but I don't want to have more guests than we would prefer either in case everyone does show up.

Any suggestions or what would you do?

You state the original 38 includes close family and friends but then state that DH's two closest friends would be on top of the original 38. So if he's 2 best friends aren't part of the "close friends" who is?

But to your question, I think it is fine to invite just the two couples and not the entire social group. You'll notice as groups start having families, the rules of who is always invited start to change because of size/space/dynamics issues.

DS is turning one in less than a month! Every parent was right, time goes by really fast, especially the first year.

DH and I are at odds about the guestlist. DH wants to keep it strictly close family and friends, about 38 people, which I don't mind. However, he also wants to invite his two best friends and their wives too. DH and his two best friends belong to a social circle where everyone is almost always invited to get togethers. I feel that if we invite his two best friends and their wives, we should include everyone in the social circle too, especially another couple who also has a baby. This would increase the guestlist to 50+ people or so, which is more than DH and I prefer. Chances are not everyone will attend, but I don't want to offend anyone by inviting some and not others but I don't want to have more guests than we would prefer either in case everyone does show up.

Any suggestions or what would you do?

You state the original 38 includes close family and friends but then state that DH's two closest friends would be on top of the original 38. So if he's 2 best friends aren't part of the "close friends" who is?

But to your question, I think it is fine to invite just the two couples and not the entire social group. You'll notice as groups start having families, the rules of who is always invited start to change because of size/space/dynamics issues.

Yes, they would be included inthe "close friends" category, but the question is if I inviting them would mean inviting the social group too since it is the norm in our social group. Other "close friends" include DH's ex-step brother and his family who he is still close to and his best girl friend from college and her family.

Okay, so your take is invite best friends and wives, but not everyone in the social circle too.

DH wants to keep it strictly close family and friends, about 38 people, which I don't mind. However, he also wants to invite his two best friends and their wives too. DH and his two best friends belong to a social circle where everyone is almost always invited to get togethers. I feel that if we invite his two best friends and their wives, we should include everyone in the social circle too

Oh, please, especially since it's his idea, help your DH bust up this circle--help him establish the precedent that you do NOT NOT NOT have to have everybody just because you have a couple of people.

These are his two BEST friends. Invite them. Do them the favor of seeing them, and their relationship with your DH, as being *independent* from their friendships with other people.

DS is turning one in less than a month! Every parent was right, time goes by really fast, especially the first year.

DH and I are at odds about the guestlist. DH wants to keep it strictly close family and friends, about 38 people, which I don't mind. However, he also wants to invite his two best friends and their wives too. DH and his two best friends belong to a social circle where everyone is almost always invited to get togethers. I feel that if we invite his two best friends and their wives, we should include everyone in the social circle too, especially another couple who also has a baby. This would increase the guestlist to 50+ people or so, which is more than DH and I prefer. Chances are not everyone will attend, but I don't want to offend anyone by inviting some and not others but I don't want to have more guests than we would prefer either in case everyone does show up.

Any suggestions or what would you do?

Red and bold above is your "out" (although I don't really think you need an "out.")

Are you and DH always invited to all of the social gatherings this group has?

Probably not.

If the Best Friends are those that have known your family for quite some time (grew up with DH? Maybe?) and maybe have met and know your extended family, I see absolutely nothing wrong with inviting only them.

Just remember the etiquette rules: Don't talk about the party in front of those that have not been invited.

Well... DH and I went to lunch yesterday with Dave, who is a close family friend. Dave asked about DS turning one, so we talked about him a little bit including his upcoming birthday party. DH asked if Dave would be interested in coming because DH had assumed no since it was toddler's birthday party and Dave was single guy. Dave said he would love to come! So now we're inviting Dave too.

Thanks everyone for the input, but we decided to invite the social group (which is an additional 8-10 people I believe). They were invited to our co-ed baby shower too - some came, some didn't, some visited our home later to give gifts. We will make the space and cost work