Black Masculinity: Who Can Young Black Men Look Up To?

While riding the train this morning, lost in my own literature, something caught my attention. A young boy – he appeared to be around 5 or 6 – was screaming as his father stepped off of the train. He ripped away from his mother and started fighting and screaming in a language I didn’t understand. But, body language is universal. The father made eye contact with him and delicately explained whatever the situation was and ordered him to be still and be quiet. The young man reluctantly agreed and as the doors slammed shut, he began to fuss under his breath. As his mother attempted to console him, he pushed her kisses away, and rejected any physical gestures of kindness. He then ran up to the doors and began to silently protest as the train pulled off, his father winking and smiling in assurance.

I was enamored by this for two reasons: rarely do we see such displays of father to son connection or such displays of positive male influence. In those 30 seconds, I saw the love between parents, their son, and the reverence the son had for his father. Most importantly, everything was done in love. Even the son’s flagrant protest was subdued with time as the mother explained the situation. For those who know me, this links to another major subject that a lot of my research and academic articles have been devoted to: Black masculinity and its role in society and the modern family.

Yes, that sounded like the heading of a cleverly titled essay. But, no essays here. However, it is painfully obvious that the majority of the images protrayed of Black men show him as brute, a pimp, sex toy, thug, emotionless, etc. This isn’t new to anyone I’m sure and, especially within the Black community, there isn’t much many Black men feel we can do to correct this misrepresentation. Some simply become exhausted and given up on a lifetime of trying to prove what they AREN’T. Instead, they have chosen to BE what everyone expects them to be.

In bell hooks’s book, We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity­, she hits the nail right on the head in her analysis of these troubling representations of Black men. She relies compelling logic, historical context, and academic excerpts and quotes from well known Black male figures to point out the need for a positive Black Male Politic. Here’s one quote I’d like to focus on as it relates to the myth surrounding Black men and their lack of interest in education. She writes:

“In the essay “Fear and Doubt,” Huey Newton writes about the ways poor black males long for education yet fear failing if they seek it: ‘They tell their children that things will be different for them if they are educated and skilled but there is absolutely nothing other than this occasional warning to stimulate education. Black people are great worshippers of education, even the lower socio-economic Black person, but at the same time they are afraid of having their fears verified.’ These feelings about early schooling are expressed by black males across class. In the memoir of my girlhood I write about attending all-black schools where black boys excelled and were deemed smarter than even the smartest girl and the way that changed when schools were integrated. . . . Suddenly, smart black boys were invisible. When a ‘special’ black boy was allowed to be in the gifted class it was only after he had proven himself to be appropriately subordinate. Always, he was the lone smart boy who managed to excel, learned to be obedient, to keep his mouth shut.”

For any person of color, particularly Black men and women, this is something that we have all painfully and regrettably watched in our own childhoods. But, instead of brainstorming the issues of society, how we can work to rebuild the Black man, and begin healing the wounds of our past, I just wanted to end this post with a very real question – although this is mainly directed to Black men and women, all races and creeds are welcome to express their thoughts.

What do you define as a real man and what should it look like? OR Describe a strong Black male role model that touched your life and what you admired about him…..

There are many young Black men, I included, that feel we are working to embody what it means to be a successful Black leader. But we sometimes feel like we’re working from scratch. And, the reality is that everyone isn’t willing to comb through the history books to find that role model that we would like to emulate. Obama is close, but looking at the way he’s being attacked, blatantly disrespected, and “abused” in the White House, although he is an example of the Black American Dream of limitless possibilities and equality, we’re all beginning to see the pros and cons of being in his position – that’s already another blog post in the making.

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One thought on “Black Masculinity: Who Can Young Black Men Look Up To?”

Whoa! Really touching and thought-provoking post, Keith! Your writing keeps getting better and better! I honestly never thought about how black men are portrayed in the media but you are 100% right! Nowadays he’s usually a hardass or a thug or a ladiesman or some other insensitive character. I’m not black, or a man, but I know that I would want my man (regardless of skin color) to be sensitive, moral, loving, family-oriented, and driven. I’m lucky because I know a lot of guys in my personal life (skin colors running the gamut) who embody these qualities But I know of no famous counter-parts who can claim the same. Yes, Obama is close. But like you said; he’s pretty much the picture of the perfect man and yet he’s constantly being attacked. What message is that sending to kids? I would very much like to read a post from you on Obama. I’ll keep an eye out here for one 😉

Also, I know it can be tough for a young person who is making a life for himself and establishing his identity. We all have to struggle when we’re young and starting out. We all want to be the best we can be. It is very much like starting from scratch, as you said. But that’s something that’s universal. Please know that you’re not alone. It is still harder for black dudes than white dudes, true. And I can’t claim to know what other people go/have gone through. But as a woman, I do understand what it’s like to have to work twice as hard to achieve a goal. Women make 75 cents to every dollar a man makes. Women are seen as receptionists and nurses and teachers and strippers. Men hold most of the seats in the senate, men are managers of restaurants, men direct Hollywood films, men are the presidents and CEOs of big companies. With the exception of Annie Leibovitz, most of the top photographers are men. Females don’t have very many people to look up to in mainstream media, either. We have Kim Kardashian and Niki Menaj. Ew. And then there’s Oprah. Pretty much the picture of the perfect, strong, caring, independent, successful woman. And yet all anyone wants to talk about is how her weight fluctuates and how she’s old and single. Interesting. What sort of message is THAT sending? We two demographics have similar problems. It’s always a struggle to swim against the current, and when the current is pushing against you and everything you believe in, it’s easy to let pieces of yourself get washed away and it’s easy to feel like the world is setting you up for failure. But ya gotta put that aside. Things are tough all over. You just gotta persevere and be the best person you can be!

What do I define as a real man? Who is a strong black male that touched my life? Keith Frederick Miller, a strong, sensitive, articulate man who has already achieved so much more in his young life than most grown people I know. A man who isn’t afraid to swim against the current and speak up for issues he feels passionately about. A multi-talented artist and an inspiration to more than just those who will outwardly admit it. It gives me goosebumps to think about all the lives you’re gonna change in your lifetime xoxo