The Funeral

I don’t know that I can say anything that I haven’t said before. I’ll summarize it for you:

1. This hurts. Like, I feel a physical pain. To walk around knowing that there are people who think I am less than human and not worthy of life tends to take its toll on a sista.

2. I’m not attention-policing. I just notice when a police officer is killed how some of y’all posted that “Blue Lives Matter” and all that jazz, but you’re eerily silent here. “I’m waiting for all the facts” you say. Well, there are videos that are pretty clear on what the facts are, so whatcha got now?

3. I’m not on FB to entertain you. That’s not my sole purpose of being here. So if what I’m presently posting about doesn’t make you laugh, sorry/not sorry. Sometimes we need to talk about some real shit and you are welcome to pull up a chair and virtually chat about it.

4. I will always go back to that time I was pulled over and guns were pulled on me. That’s a story for another time. But my point is, I could have been shot. I could not be here today. By the grace of God, I am.

5. If what you pull from my posts is that I’m anti-cop, then you’re anti-intellect. You are dumb and I don’t really want dumb people around me.

6. I just want a hug. And a reassurance that everything will be ok.

It’s like when you’re at a funeral and you’re crying over the dearly departed and you look out and see family and friends and they’re grieving too. You reach out and hug one another and you tell each other that everything will be ok. And it will be ok, in most cases. But this isn’t that. I constantly feel like I’m at a funeral and before we can even question who made the potato salad at the repast, someone else at the funeral dies. And then another person. And another. I want to be able to hug someone and say, “It’s ok”, mean it, and leave the funeral.