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Sisters squabbling putting parents in early grave

My two sisters no longer have a relationship and each blames the other. One lives out of town and the second lives in the same city as our parents.

When one sister visits and stays with our parents (several times each year) she refuses to be in the same room, home, or earshot of the other.

She demands that the other not visit our parents while she’s staying there, and threatens that she’ll otherwise never come to see them again.

They’re both vying for our parents’ attention and trying to get me to side with them.

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Our elderly parents have been greatly distressed, as any decision is interpreted as siding with one sister or the other. Any advice to guide my parents and myself?

Caught in the Middle

A: End this Sisters’ Spectacle.

Tell your sisters their selfish rivalry is hurting your parents, adding enough stress to diminish their health and years.

Tell your parents to refuse to see either daughter unless they resolve their ridiculous standoff.

This has nothing to do with filial love, only with jealousy and meanness.

Remind them that eventually, sadly, they’ll both have to attend the same family funerals.

Help your parents see that this is the only way to end the sisters’ childish drama, by refusing to watch.

I’m due to have a baby soon and don’t want my father around her.

He smokes in the house we live in and won’t stop. When he washes his own dishes, he doesn’t remove detergent properly. I can taste it if I use his plates.

He locks all the doors so my dogs use one room as their toilet which he makes me clean, even though he’s locked them in the house.

He’s very childish and now can’t see my niece, age 4, ever. Once, while she was swimming, he grabbed her leg and pulled her under. She was choking badly.

He swears in front of her, and calls her mother, stepfather, grandma, and friends horrible things.

Sometimes I nap in the afternoon, but he comes home from work and wakes me up.

He drives past my mother’s house daily, ever since their divorce 10 years ago.

He always questions who I’m talking to on the phone, where I’m going, etc.

He twists situations so that he’s always a victim, and tells everyone.

Everyone says “give him a chance” when I say I don’t want him in my child’s life or mine.

Fed Up Daughter

A: Move out.

You can’t continue to live with your father, who’s working to pay bills that cover your stay there, and then bar him from a child you’re raising in his home.

If you truly believe he’d be a danger to your child, then you must find another place to live … perhaps your mother’s or another relative’s home.

But recognize that there’ll always have to be accommodations when you live with others.

I appreciate that this might not be workable but then you’ll have to look at options.

Since you’re apparently a single mom-to-be, look at services such as Housing Help, which aids in finding affordable, suitable accommodation, along with access to financial support for you and your child.

Some local YWCA’s also help low-income single mothers find safe affordable housing.

Your father may even be somewhat helpful financially in your moving out, if he also wants to be on his own in his house.

Then you can consider allowing visits with his granddaughter in your smoke-free place, and only when you’re there to supervise.

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