as far as mori being ooc goes, the anime basically showed him as a side character - i like how you have given him his own mind, I always thought he'd make a good match for haruhi. if anything, i hope you will consider adding more to this story, extending it for a few chapters to elaborate the morixharu relationship. i very rarely ask for oneshots to be extended so please take this as an extreme compliment :)

That was cute! I didn't find a lot of grammatical errors. The one thing that bugged me, was that in several places in the story, you didn't put commas in the appropriate places. In other words, it would be somewhat hard to read certain parts out loud, without a proper pause. It wasn't total garbage either. Haruhi stayed well within character, because I remember her teasing Kyoya similarly in the episode, "Kyoya's Reluctant Day Out." And Mori doesn't always think about Hunni like people seem to think. In the episode "The Sun, The Sea and The Host Club," Mori is seen to be a bit more distracted. He was observing different things and more off in his own world while the twins were discussing what bathing suit Haruhi should wear and later, he was distracted when Hunni asked if a Haruhi would like to go hellfish shunting and even went a bit off to see Kyoya's private police people bringing sea creatures and shells TO the beach, before returning back to the others. So you actually stayed well in character for all of them, and the story doesn't seem to far off!

I think everyone was in character and I can just imagine the scenario especially the winks Mori was getting, he is very attractive after all. I chuckled as I read it but it seemed to be cut short, like it was unfinished. I hope you'll write more.

heehee. I liked this, it was cute _ I think you have them all nicely in character, considering how much is known about them. I can see Takashi wanting to shudder at a bunch of women winking and trying to get his attention.