The Noisiest Class I’ve ever heardAre in this very schoolThey make a din Do my head in And disobey no talking rulesIt’s 10pm and thanks to them I can’t get any sleep at allMy ears still ringingMy mind still swimmingI tried to teach themI tried to reach themBut they don’t listen to a single word‘Cause they’re the Noisiest Class I’ve ever heard

Form 3J!They make more racket in English, history, geography, science and mathsThan they do when they’re at play“SHUT UP!” is the phrase you’ll bellow fifty times a dayThey scream They shoutThey shriekThey yellLouder than the fire alarm or bellI try and try and try and try I even emit the odd ear-splitting cry But still I can’t hear myself speakWhen I’m with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever meet

Some say“They’re hyperactive”Some say “Too many fizzy drinks”Some say“They eat far too much junk food”But I still can’t hear myself think At allPlease give me those cute quiet kids in reception Next time I have to take a lessonOr I’ll crack upAsk the army for back upAnd take two years off work to unwindAfter sharing a classroom with the Noisiest Class you’ll ever find

I want to hide in the staff roomWear a big pair of ear plugsWhistle an extremely loud tuneStop my migraine with prescription drugsThey made ten teachers ill Twelve teachers quitI can’t handle any more of itThey can’t be tamedThey’re at it againThey confuse, addle, muddle and befuddle my brainUnfortunately (for legal reasons) no pupils can be namedBut they’re guaranteed to shatter your silenceLeaving you disrupted, damaged and disturbedIt’s the Noisiest Class you’ve ever heard

So cover your ears with ElastoplastIf you don’t want to have to suffer the Noisiest Class