With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Indiana man, who was arrested after he assaulted girlfriend
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered
the anethestic qualities of chloroform.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
A loving person lives in a loving world.
A hostile person lives in a hostile world.
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
--- Ken Keyes Jr.
"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today."
--- Evan Esar
"Economists state their GNP growth projections to the
nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have
a sense of humor."
--- Edgar R. Fiedler
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for
coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the
groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured
by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith,
you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his
hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to
pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?"
"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.
"Can you pay in cash?"
"I'm afraid I can't, Sister."
"Do you have any close relatives, then?"
"Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a
spinster nun."
"Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied.
"They are married to God."
"Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my
brother-in-law."
______________________________________________________
The boss at the pub went up to the bartender and asked,
"Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!"
"Oh no, sir, I sure haven't," replied the bartender.
The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Clyde for this picture:
Strangest picture of Ireland: An Irishman without beer
or whiskey in his hand!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Bryan Alwine,
27,
Muncie,
Indiana
Indiana man arrested after he assaulted girlfriend
because she bought the wrong kind of toilet paper
An Indiana man is facing a domestic battery charge after
allegedly throwing his girlfriend to the ground during an
argument over toilet paper, cops say.
According to a Muncie Police Department report, the victim
told cops that Bryan Alwine, 27, pushed her so hard that she
“flew” and landed in the street outside the home they share
with their daughter.
The duo had been arguing, the victim said, “over toilet paper.”
Alwine was allegedly upset because the victim had not
purchased his preferred brand of toilet paper.
As first reported by The Star Press, the woman “further
stated that Bryan is very specific on what he likes to use
and that he began yelling at her while they were still
inside the home.”
Officers responding to a 911 call Sunday night noted that
the woman, who appeared “very frightened and nervous,”
had a bloody elbow and a scratched knee. A witness who
called police said that she saw Alwine “put his hands on”
the victim and throw her to the ground.
Alwine, pictured above, was arrested for felony domestic
battery. He was freed from jail Tuesday after posting
$5000 bond. Alwine has previously been arrested for
threatening to kill the victim, who told police that a
“history of violence” between the couple has “gone on
for several years.”
Muncie police reported that the victim is not being
cooperative with investigators.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: Mail from me
Dear Webby,
I get all kinds of mail that looks as if I had sent it,
but is definitely not from me.
I do send mail to myself frequently to file and keep,
but these mails are just spam or scams. What can I do
to stop that nuisance aside from changing my Yahoo address?
Ann
Dear Ann
Changing your Yahoo address would help for a while, but sooner
or later that nuisance will start again. We all get those
spam and scam mails.
I use MailWasher
With that I make filters to for example
mail FROM humor@webby.com
that DOES NOT CONTAIN "Humor: " in the subject line
then delete it on the server, automatically, without
even showing it in the list.
That way, when somebody sends a mail pretending to be
from humor@webby.com, but doesn't have "Humor: " in the
subject line, it gets murdered in the dark and sent
straight to hell.
You can send mail to humor@webby.com, just don't pretend
to BE humor@webby.com.
You can have all kinds of code words that will legitimize
an email, for example
DOES NOT CONTAIN RegEx "Recip|Prayr|Shoplis|Gardn"
then nuke it on the server.
You can use all the "Regular Expressions" if you want, but
usually you just use the pipe | to add a bunch of alternates
instead of making separate filters for them.
Then after that you put the appropriate keyword in the
subject line, and that email will be safe.
That trick also helps you to organize your emails and
automatically send mails with "Recip" in the subject line
into your Recipe mailbox. Most email programs let you
do that. So you win twice!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A Navy Chief ('which Navy' will go unspecified) was
being court-martialed for an incident where he was found
to be chased by a young lady through the hallways of the
hotel in which they were both staying.
Neither of them were wearing anything. The charge was
that of "being out of uniform."
The Chief's lawyer argued that the officer was not out
of uniform, as the regulations read:
"A Naval officer must be at all times appropriately attired
for the activity in which he is engaged."
The charges were dismissed.
---------
Was that you, Jim?
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Stainless Steel Cleaner
Mix 1/4 cup vinegar, 2 tbsp baking soda, and 1/8 cup
hydrogen peroxide. Add 4-6 cups hot water. Use a clean
cloth. Dip cloth in solution and wring out, leaving cloth
a little sloppy. Wipe down stainless steel with cloth.
Allow to sit a minute. Wipe down with a dry cloth. Then
wipe with a microfiber cloth. Very shiny! This solution
also works to mop linoleum and tile floors and to clean
the bathroom!
By kattt [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
It's a good thing we UNsubscribed Ms Burkenheimer. She
would probably consider this joke dirty.
Ed worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling
sporting goods. As an employee of Wal-Mart you are
sometimes required to make store-wide announcements,
e.g.,
"I have a customer in hardware who needs assistance at
the paint counter."
One night a timid female voice came over the intercom
system with the following message:
"I have a customer by the balls in toys and need
assistance."
___________________________________________________

true facts about
the octopus (Not to be put in, but I love this guy :-)

____________________________________________________
The first time I heard the following story, it was told to me
about 20 years ago by Danny, a former carpet layer. Knowing
what he smoked, I actually believed him.
According to his story, Danny had just finished installing
carpet for a lady. He stepped out into the hallway for a
smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. He
rummaged in his toolbox and found a butt.
While he smoked that he surveyed the just finished room
and spotted a bump in the carpet in the middle of the
room.
"No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of
smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get
out his big rubber hammer and flattened the hump. As he
was cleaning up, the lady came in.
"Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes.
"I found them in the stairway. Now, if only I could find my
gerbil."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
It’s a personal rule of mine to never litter.
My husband chewed tobacco. While out driving a few years
ago we had a cup with his nasty stuff in it and it turned
over in the car. We cleaned it up as best we could -
no napkins - and our first thought was get rid of this cup
so it doesn’t happen again. We're in the convertible anyway -
he can spit out the window.
I’m thinking - we’re so deep in the countryside now, no
one will know if I throw it. The trees were very close, and
I decided to wait for an opening so the cup wouldn’t bounce
back into our car. As soon as we came to one, I threw, right
into the face of a farmer plowing his field!
Noella
____________________________________________________

16 Amazing Stair Hack Ideas.
I love the "reading room."

Today, November 4, in
1846 - A patent for an artificial leg was granted to Benjamin Palmer.
1847 - Scottish obstetrician James Young Simpson discovered
the anethestic qualities of chloroform.
1880 - James and John Ritty patented the first cash register.
1922 - In Egypt, Howard Carter discovered the entry of the
lost tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamen.
1939 - During World War II, the U.S. modified its neutrality
stance with the Neutrality Act of 1939. The new policy
allowed cash-and-carry purchases of arms by belligerents.
1939 - At the 40th National Automobile Show the first
air-conditioned car was put on display.
1942 - During World War II, Axis forces retreated from
El Alamein in North Africa. It was a major victory for
the British.
1952 - In the United States, the National Security A
gency (NSA) was established.
1956 - Soviet forces enter Hungary in order to suppress
the uprising that had begun on October 23, 1956.
1979 - Iranian militants seized the U.S. embassy in Tehran
and took 63 Americans hostage (90 total hostages). The
militants, mostly students, demanded that the U.S. send
the former shah back to Iran to stand trial. Many hostages
were later released, but 52 were held for the next 14 months.
1984 - Nicaragua held its first free elections in 56 years.
1985 - Soviet defector Vitaly Yurchenko announced he was
returning to the Soviet Union. He had charged that he had
been kidnapped by the CIA.
1989 - About a million East Germans filled the streets of
East Berlin in a pro-democracy rally.
1990 - Iraq issued a statement saying it was prepared to
fight a "dangerous war" rather than give up Kuwait.
1991 - Ronald Reagan opened his presidential library in
Simi Valley, CA. The dedication ceremony was attended by
President Bush and former U.S. presidents Jimmy Carter,
Gerald R. Ford and Richard M. Nixon. It was the 1st
gathering of 5 U.S. chief executives.
1995 - Israeli Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, 73 years old,
was assassinated by right-wing Israeli Yigal Amir after
attending a peace rally.
1999 - The United Nations imposed economic sanctions against
the Taliban that controlled most of Afghanistan. The
sanctions were imposed because the Taliban had refused to
turn over Osama bin Laden, who had been charged with
masterminding the 1998 bombings of the U.S. embassies in
Kenya and Tanzania.
2001 - Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba destroying crops and
thousands of homes. The United States made the gesture
of sending humanitarian aid. On December 16, 2001, Cuba
received the first commercial food shipment from the U.S.
in nearly 40 years.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, November 3
Thank you Hermon !
Thank you Patricia !
Thank you Sig !
Thank you Heather !
Thank you Norma !
If you have trouble getting to sites, that you regularly
go to, like Arcamax or Gocomics, the problem is not at those
sites or at the servers they are on. The problem is that
a bunch of major fiber cable bundles have been cut.
One cut is nenar Kansas City, one is at or near Washington, DC,
and another one I know of is cutting off Newark and all
the data centers connected to the internet backbone there.
There is also a cut in the backbone about 108 km from
Montreal.
How do I know? Did ISIS tell me? No.
I use Traceroute from one of the Webby servers.
You can use the Windows tracert.
Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER.
In the scary, black DOS style screen, type
tracert webby.com
or any domain you want to check,
for example
traceroute arcamax.com
If you see stars, those are breaks.
If you see 3 stars, that is a cut.
Asia looks even worse!
The Shanghai hub is not accessible.
Tokyo is cut.
Iran and Iraq are out.
India is down to 75%.
Africa is down to 0%,
so is Bulgaria, italy, Poland,Spain,
part of Sweden, and the Milton Keynes part of UK.
Australia is mostly at around 80%, as usual,
but new Zealand is 0%.
South America seems to have recovered except for Colombia.
I have no idea who made all those cuts or who coordinated
the cutting to all happen on the same day.
There is nothing you or I can do about it.
Luckily our servers are not affected.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat
and fake penis, who was arrested for drunk driving.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa
Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take
another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had
secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone
so he would have an excuse to leave if something like
this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes,
put on a grim expression and said,
"I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank God," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine
would have had to."
______________________________________________________
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day
that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he
went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that
read, "I'm the Boss."
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found
that someone had taped a note to the sign that said,
"Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Bonnie for this picture:
Atlantic Ocean in Hampton Beach State Park, NH about
30 miles from my house.Â Nice day & we enjoyed the
walk on the beach couple weeks ago.Â Like to share
with y'all.
Bonnie in Candia, NH
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ross McDonald,
39,
Iowa City,
Iowa
Iowa flasher wearing only trench coat
and fake penis arrested for drunk driving.
After being arrested for drunk driving, a Halloween reveler
wearing only a trench coat and “a piece of cloth that
looked like a penis” attempted to eat toilet paper in a
bid to foil a Breathalyzer test, Iowa police report.
Cops yesterday pulled over Ross McDonald, 39, after they
spotted him driving the wrong way on an Iowa City street
around 3 AM. According to a criminal complaint, McDonald
was “extremely confused” and could not tell officers
“what bar he was coming from.”
McDonald, who claimed to have consumed two drinks, had
bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and unsteady balance,
cops noted. He also appeared to be dressed in a “flasher”
costume: “Def was only wearing a trench coat and a piece
of cloth that looked like a penis.”
Upon arrival at the police precinct, McDonald “attempted
to eat toilet paper, thinking it would mess with” the
Breathalyzer. McDonald had initially refused the breath
test, but “changed his mind after attempting to eat the
toilet paper.”
Despite McDonald’s cunning plan, his blood alcohol content
was measured at .165, twice the legal limit.
Since McDonald has prior drunk driving convictions, he was
hit with a felony charge carrying a maximum five-year
prison sentence. Seen in the above mug shot, McDonald was
released from jail yesterday afternoon after posting
$5000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Hank
Re: Black Screen
Dear Webby,
Still getting black screen when I surf and also stuck cursor.
I tried system restore and it wouldn't work.
Should I install the disc to renew installation?
hank
If you have a restore disk, then that would definitely be
an option.
Some machines have a restore disk in a hidden partition.
Call Support of the manufacturer and ask them to walk you
through a restore.
You have to do that, of course, back up all your data,
spreadsheet files, documents you have written, addresses,
tips and tricks and cheat-sheet files, and your awesome
collection of pussycat pictures.
Also the setup files of all programs and the license numbers
of all the bought ones.
A restore totally wipes out everything you got, and restores
the machine to the same state, that it was when you bought it.
A total back-up like that is of course highly recommended
anyway, even if you are not going to restore just yet.
Before getting quite that drastic, you could try installing
Chrome and then Uninstalling IE and FF.
I would also recommend that you use the DeCrapifier at
https://www.pcdecrapifier.com/ and weed out any program,
that you are not actually using.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A couple was going out for the evening. They were both
ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne,
cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their
home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting
their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while
they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase
the cat out.
Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house
would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the
taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to
my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and
said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old ninny was
hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a wet mop
to get her to come out."
The cab driver almost hit a parked car.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Picasso Light Switch Plate Cover
Turn a plain white light switch cover into a little Picasso
like painting.
Approximate Time: 25 min
Supplies:
1 light switch cover with screws
1 flat screwdriver
sponge to clean surface on switchplate cover
newspaper
permanent markers or acrylic paint
paint brushes
Steps:
Turn light off. Remove light switch cover if you don't
already have one.
Place down newspaper.
Wipe well with sponge and dry.
Mark basic ouline with black permanent marker, including eye,
nose, and mouth.
Paint and color, use your own ideas and colors. Have fun
creating abstract art known as cubism!
Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.
Let it dry or speed up drying with a hair dryer.
When completely dry, screw in switchplate. Position the
screws to match eye and lips and paint them.
All done! Enjoy your little Picasso like mini painting. :)
Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn_-ckw4um8
By KIM HOGGAN [8]
You can, of course, also just glue wallpaper or any picture
onto switch and outlet covers. Spray-on contact cement
works best. Spray the switch cover and the back of the
picture, let it dry a bit, and position it on it.
Trim the edges or fold them under it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A kindergarten teacher is walking around her classroom
observing her students while they draw. One little girl is
working especially diligently, so the teacher asks what
she is working on.
"I'm drawing God," the child says.
The teacher pauses, then says, "But no one knows what
God looks like."
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing,
the girl replies, "They will in a minute."
___________________________________________________

2015 World Synchro Champs SP Team Canada

____________________________________________________
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a
woman: before marriage
and after marriage.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
In the 1960s I was still very young and working at my very
first job. To supplement my income I cleaned house on
Saturdays for a friend. My friend was quite messy plus he
had a large dog that shed pounds of hair, so it usually
took several hours to clean his apartment. One day I was
about ready to go home when he called to ask if I would
place some chicken in the oven to broil as he'd be home
soon.
Where I grew up we fried chicken, so I knew nothing about
broiling. I asked for instructions and he told me to pull
out the rack, place the chicken on it and turn on the
broiler. It sounded easy enough so I took him at his word
and placed the chicken on the rack and turned on the oven
to “broil.”
About 15-20 minutes later he came home looking forward to
broiled chicken. You're going to have to "picture" this.
What he came home to was chicken laying on the oven rack,
the skin hanging and dripping between the slats!
I had no idea there was a difference in oven racks and
broiler racks. I sure did after I cleaned up the mess!
Noella
____________________________________________________

Watching these kinetic
sculptures is mesmerizing!

Today, November 3, in
1507 Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by the husband of Lisa
Gherardini to paint her. The work is known as the Mona Lisa.
1631 The Reverend John Eliot arrived in the Massachusetts Bay
Colony. He was the first Protestant minister to dedicate himself
to the conversion of Native Americans to Christianity.
1839 The first Opium War between China and Britain erupted.
England insisted on monopoly rights to sell Opium.
1892 The first automatic telephone went into service at LaPorte,
IN. The device was invented by Almon Strowger.
1903 Panama proclaimed its independence from Columbia.
1911 Chevrolet Motor Car Company was founded by Louis Chevrolet
and William C. Durant.
1941 U.S. Ambassador to Japan John Grew warned that the Japanese
may be planning a sudden attack on the U.S.
1952 Frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time in a
supermarket in Chester, NY.
1957 Sputnik II was launched by the Soviet Union. It was the second manmade
satellite to be put into orbit and was the first to put an animal into
space, a dog named Laika. There was not enough cooling and the dog
died from heatstroke.
1973 The U.S. launched the Mariner 10 spacecraft. On March 29, 1974 it
became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury.
1979 Five members of the Communist Workers' Party are shot to death
in broad daylight at an anti-Ku Klux Klan rally in Greensboro, NC.
Eight others were wounded.
1986 The Ash-Shiraa, pro-Syrian Lebanese magazine, first broke the
story of U.S. arms sales to Iran to secure the release of seven
American hostages. The story turned into the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 China told the U.S. that it would halt the sale of arms to Iran.
1991 Israeli and Palestinian representatives held their first-ever
face-to-face talks in Madrid, Spain.
1994 Susan Smith of Union, SC, was arrested for drowning her two
sons. Nine days earlier Smith had claimed that the children had
been abducted by a black carjacker.
1995 U.S. President Clinton dedicated a memorial at Arlington
National Cemetery to the 270 victims of the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103.
1998 Minnesota elected Jesse "The Body" Ventura, a former pro
wrestler, as its governor.
2002 At Kai Tak Airport in Hong Kong, 777 people assembled a
58,435 square foot jigsaw puzzle with 21,600 pieces.
2003 In Kabul, Afghanistan, a post-Taliban draft constitution
was unveiled.
2005 Walt Disney Pictures released "Chicken Little." It was the
first Disney film completely created with computer animation.
2014 In New York City, One World Trade Center opened for
business.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, November 2
Thank you Andy !!!
Thank you Carol !
Thank you Virginia !!.
Thank you James !
Thank you Richard !
Thank you Bonnie !
Thank You Gary !!.
Thank you William .
Thank You Svend !.
Thank You Ronald !
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to
Florida twin women arrested after holding up
convenience store
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, November 2, in
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with
Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American
Birth Control League.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Martyrdom is the only way in which a man can become famous
without ability.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Efficiency is intelligent laziness.
--- David Dunham
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Seen in a State Park in California:
"Weather Station (A large sign with a Rock hanging on a rope)
Check the Rock.
If it's wet, it's raining.
If it's moving, it's windy.
If you can't see it, it's foggy.
If rock is gone, it's a tornado."
I wonder if that was inspired by the old 2 foot iron ball
windometer by the bridge outside of Lethbridge, Alberta?
One time driving by there a few decades ago I noticed the
ball was missing and mentioned it to my hitch-hiker.
She didn't think it was safe to drive on up to Calgary.
I agreed with her and we soon found safe and quite
cozy refuge in a really nice motel :-)
______________________________________________________
Church was planning a chili supper for the homeless,
and Florence agreed to prepare four gallons of her rather
mild variation. The man in charge of organizing the program
asked Florence how she would describe her chili
-- three alarm or four alarm.
After hearing some of the ingredients that went into other
chili donations, Florence replied, "I guess you'd call mine
false alarm."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Gary for this picture:
Hello Webby,
Huckleberry Lake is a favorite fishing spot of mine.
Located in the Absaroka-Beartooth wilderness of Montana.
It was the last picture the old 35mm took before it died.
Feel free to post it if you want.
Gary Lorenzen
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for
reporting this one:
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kirstie Bergeron, Kayla Bergeron
24,
Daytona Beach,
Florida
Florida twins arrested after holding up
convenience store
Twin sisters are locked up on robbery charges after they
allegedly held up a Florida convenience store at gunpoint
Tuesday evening.
According to police, Kirstie Bergeron and her sibling Kayla
walked into the Food Mart store in Daytona Beach and proceeded
to a refrigerator, where Kayla selected a bottle of ginger ale.
The 24-year-old twins then approached the front counter.
“I have a gun, open the register!” announced Kayla, as detailed
in a Circuit Court charging affidavit. “Are you kidding me?”
replied clerk Sabbir Ahmed.
Kayla then “removed her hand from her pocket and displayed
what appeared to be a small handgun,” reported an investigator.
As Kayla pointed the piece at Ahmed, the 37-year-old worker
opened the cash register and Kirstie reached over the counter
and snatched $230.
The Bergerons fled the scene in a black Volkswagen Beetle
that was parked next to the store. But as the twins departed,
Ahmed copied down the car’s license plate number. The siblings
were soon arrested after a traffic stop less than a mile
from the Food Mart.
Kirstie and Kayla are pictured in the above mug shots.
While cops recovered the stolen cash and the ginger ale, no
firearm was found. Police suspect the weapon “may have been
discarded” following the robbery.
Charged with robbery with a firearm or deadly weapon, the
Bergerons are each locked up in the Volusia County jail
on $25,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: Free Powerpoint
Dear Webby,
For some reason I have micros-soft office Word and Excel,
but no Power Point program. Is it safe to download one of
the free Powerpoint programs without worry about crap getting
on my computer? Thanks, I know it sounds like a 'dumb'
question, but I want no virus or tracking stuff on my
otherwise safe zones; I use both Malwarbeytes and Avast.
Again, I'm so glad your computer guru talents are available
to people like me!
SD
Dear Sandra
Yes, if you go to the vendors directly, it is perfectly safe.
You can get Open Office at
http://www.openoffice.org/download/
They celebrated their 100 MILLIONth download by last month.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
One evening a few years ago my
friend Bill ran out of gas on his way home from work.
Being short on cash, as usual, he walked 6 Miles
to get home, and left his pick-up truck where it sat, in
front of the topless bar next door to the massage parlor.
By then his wife had gone to Bingo and he couldn't get
neither money for gas, nor a ride back to the truck, so
he cooked supper, cleaned up the kitchen and then
went to bed.
At the next church elder meeting, Miss Myrna, the
town gossip ranted on about his immoral conduct and
about how she had PROOF, because she saw where
he had parked ALL night !
Well, Bill told his co-workers about that, and one of
them was a regular at that topless bar. That guy told
the story there. From then on, whenever he or his friends
planned to later take a cab home rather than drive drunk,
they all parked their vehicles in front of Miss Myrna's
lonely house, - and walked half a mile to the bar.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing a Stuck Lid from a Pan
My boyfriend was making burgers and wanted to melt cheese
on top of one with a bun covering it. To melt the cheese
faster, he put a glass lid over the burger and the steam
sucked it into the pan and then it was stuck. I did a Google
search for help without much luck. I left the pan in the
fridge for a few days, took it out today and decided to hit
the side of the pan against the concrete. The lid came out
instantly! Try this instead of other methods and you'll get
your pan back in record time!
By Stacy G. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old
dance called the Politician.
"All you have to do" she told her class, is this:
two steps forward,
three steps back,
then side-step, side-step,
turn around"
___________________________________________________

Crazy dog chases it's own leg

____________________________________________________
Why did the Newfie businessman go fishing instead of
attending a meeting?
"Just for the halibut."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
The day was already going badly. I'm complaining to Bill
that the milk had been left out all night, it was the last
day to renew car tags, but we needed an inspection and
everybody was closed, the shopping cart at Aldis won’t let
me have my cart nor my quarter back. Then while unloading
groceries I lock my purse and keys in the trunk. As I said,
the day was not good.
I remembered the back seat pulled down, so here I am with
my back killing me, crawling around the back of a small
Cavalier fighting groceries. Finally find my purse and keys,
crawl out and drive home where I have to unload groceries
(about 6 trips) up six steps and into the house. Then there's
laundry and emptying the dishwasher and putting groceries
away. BUT I have to go back to the store because I forgot
we need stuff for the Halloween party for 40+ kids.
I am really feeling sorry for myself and I'm complaining -
crawling around did not help my back. I'm looking for
sympathy, but Bill just questions, Why didn’t you use
the trunk release beside the front seat?
Noella
____________________________________________________

Best of the month of October, People Are Awesome.

Today, November 2, in
1721 Peter the Great (Peter I), ruler of Russia, changed his
title to emperor.
1776 During the American Revolutionary War, William Demont, became
the first traitor of the American Revolution when he deserted.
1867 "Harpers Bazaar" magazine was founded.
1883 Thomas Edison got a patent for an electrical indicator using
the Edison effect lamp (U.S. Pat. 307,031).
1895 In Chicago, IL, the first American gasoline powered car contest
1917 British Foreign Secretary Arthur Balfour expressed support for
a "national home" for the Jews of Palestine.
1921 Margaret Sander's National Birth Control League combined with
Mary Ware Denetts Voluntary Parenthood League to form the American
Birth Control League.
1930 Haile Selassie was crowned emperor of Ethiopia.
1930 The DuPont Company announced the first synthetic rubber.
It was named DuPrene.
1947 Howard Hughes flew his "Spruce Goose," a huge wooden airplane,
for eight minutes in California. It was the plane's first and only
flight. The "Spruce Goose," nicknamed because of the white-gray
color of the spruce used to build it, never went into production.
1963 South Vietnamese President Ngo Dihn Diem was assassinated in
a military coup.
1966 The Cuban Adjustment Act allows 123,000 Cubans to apply for
permanent residence in the U.S.
1979 Joanna Chesimard, a black militant escaped from a New Jersey
prison, where she'd been serving a life sentence for the 1973
murder of a New Jersey state trooper.
1984 Velma Barfield became the first woman to be executed in the U.S.
since 1962. She had been convicted of the poisoning death of her
boyfriend.
1986 American hostage David Jacobson was released after being held in
Lebanon for 17 months by Shiite Muslims kidnappers.
1989 Carmen Fasanella retired after 68 years and 243 days of taxicab
service in Princeton, NJ.
1992 Magic Johnson retired from the NBA again, this time for good because
of fear due to his HIV infection.
1993 The U.S. Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob Packwood's
diaries in a sexual harassment probe.
1995 The U.S. expelled Daiwa Bank Ltd. for allegedly covering up $1.1 billion
in trading losses.
2001 The computer-animated movie "Monsters, Inc." opened. The film recorded
the best debut ever for an animated film and the 6th best of all time.
2003 In the U.S., the Episcopal Church diocese consecrated the church's
first openly gay bishop.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 31
End of Summer Time in most of North America.
Let your clocks fall back an hour tonight.
You get an extra hour of sleep.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award
and a Darwin Award goes to a
Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I prefer the company of peasants because they have not been
educated sufficiently to reason incorrectly.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think
of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
--- Mark Twain
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then
to give a thought for the other fellow.
He could be plotting something.
--- Hagar the Horrible
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Late one night in the capitol city a mugger wearing a
ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man
and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied,
"You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"
______________________________________________________
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with
great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world,
I'd take it and throw it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the
wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in
the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced
with a wide grin, "For our .hic... clo-shing shong, let ush
shing Hymn # 365: "We Shall Gather at the River."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Floyd Ray Cook,
62,
Brookhaven,
Georgia
Tennessee fugitive killed in police shoot-out
A fugitive accused of shooting a Tennessee police officer
and firing at a Kentucky trooper was killed in a shootout
with authorities early Friday, ending a nearly weeklong
manhunt.
Floyd Ray Cook, 62, was pronounced dead at the scene near
Burkesville, Ky., after being confronted by state troopers
and a federal marshal who were searching an embankment,
a Kentucky State Police rep says. Cook was armed with a
handgun and exchanged gunfire with the officers, the
rep adds. No officers were injured. Cook was accused
of shooting and wounding an Algood, Tenn., police officer
during a traffic stop last Saturday afternoon and fled
in a black Ford truck.
Just over an hour later, a Kentucky State Police trooper
tried to stop him just beyond the Tennessee state line,
authorities say. Cook tried to speed away but wrecked.
He allegedly opened fire on the officer, missed, and
ran into the woods.
A swath of the border between Kentucky and Tennessee
had since been gripped with fear of the man authorities
described as "armed, dangerous, and desperate."
Convicted of rape in the 1970s, Cook was wanted in
Marion County, Ky., for failing to comply with the sex
offender registry, a sheriff says. He also had previous
convictions for robbery, burglary, assault, and riot,
and he was wanted in Hardin County on an indictment
charging him with trafficking methamphetamine and
tampering with evidence.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: Keystroke recorder
Dear Webby,
I hope all is well. I wanted to know if you have hear of a
program that will allow your computer to record the keystrokes
and then "replay them" (to cut down on repetitive tasks)?
Thanks,
Dave
Dear Dave
There are lots of those. They are usually called macro
recorders. An old one has been in Windows since 3.1, I think.
The XP and up version is described with instructions at
Macro Recorder
Here is a review of the top ten macro recorders:
Top 10
Just pick the one that suits you best.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A mother took her three year old daughter to church for
the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was
quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice
"Happy Birthday to you!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Ice for Getting Gum out of a Dryer
When I found the gum, I didn't want to put a chemical in
my dryer, nor did I want to scrape it with a knife and an
ice cube. Here is how I got gum out of my dryer fast.
I had saved a couple of those plastic fishnet bottle or
candle covers (open at both ends) in my junk drawer. I
took a rubber band and sealed off one end of the plastic
cover. I filled it with ice and sealed off the other end
with another rubber band. I scrubbed using the ice bag
as a sponge and followed with a dry rag. It made quick
work of getting the gum out of the dryer.
By Mary Keenan W. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
During a rather heated argument a teenager said,
"I didn't ask to be born."
His father: replied,
"Good thing you didn't 'Cause the answer would have
been 'NO!!!'."
___________________________________________________

Restroom Mirror prank

____________________________________________________
After listening restlessly to a long and tedious sermon, a 6
year old boy asked his father what the preacher did the rest
of the week.
"Oh, he's a very busy man," the father replied. "He takes
care of church business, visits the sick, ministers to the
poor...and then he has to have time to rest up. Talking in
public isn't an easy job, you know."
The boy thought about that, then said,
"Well, listening ain't easy, either."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Saturday mornings in St. Louis I'd walk downtown, shop for a
while, eat lunch, catch a movie, and then walk home. This
particular day even though my hair was a mess and really
needed washing, it was very important that I pick up whatever
it was I needed, so I walked downtown. While looking through
the electronics department, I noticed on their television that
there was a lady whose hair was similar to mine and I thought
to myself, well, her hair doesn’t look so bad. The longer I
studied the screen I noticed that her clothes were similar to
my own.
I studied her a while, and I finally realized I was watching
myself. This was the first time I’d ever seen a closed-circuit
TV in use. I had to look around and make sure no one saw me
“admiring” myself before I hurried out.
Noella
____________________________________________________

AirShow Budapest
Beautiful town and awesome aerobatics

Today, October 31, in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany.
1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria).
1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy.
1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows.
1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain.
1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of work.
At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents George Washington,
Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln
were finished.
1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed.
1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule.
1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole.
1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort Worth,
TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S. At the
time he was in Moscow, Russia.
1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all U.S.
bombing of North Vietnam.
1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as
Wal-Mart Stores, Inc.
1981 Antigua and Barbuda became independent of Great Britain.
1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during the
U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital.
1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated near
her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son, Rajiv,
was sworn in as prime minister.
1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns had
been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles Taylor were
blamed for the murders.
1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72, plunged
into a northern Indiana farm.
1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life in
prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in the death
of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released after her sentence
was reduced to manslaughter.
1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with U.N. arms
inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the country's weapons
of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's invasion of Kuwait in 1990.
1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket, MA,
killing all 217 people aboard.
1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran Church
signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of Justification. The
event ended a centuries-old doctrinal dispute over the nature of
faith and salvation.
2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time.
2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final shipment of
VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last major United States
supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Georgia man, who was arrested after he smashed Waffle House
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Few things are harder to put up with than the
annoyance of a good example.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to
guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged as
he hesitated.
"I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the
trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten
years younger because of your looks of ten years older
because of your wisdom."
______________________________________________________
HOW FAITHS FIGHT FIRES
Recently, just as an ecumenical gathering was
commencing, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The
building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in a corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for blessings that fire
brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring that
fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics called Rome for instructions.
The Jews blamed the Christians and demanded they should pay.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself."
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Christian Scientists concluded that the toxic fumes
from the burning carpets would kill them before the fire
reached them.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson, who was to
appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a
written report.
The Pentecostals danced and sang with joy, "The Pentecostal
fire has come!"
The Unity Students proclaimed the fire had no power over them.
Some Atheists in attendance didn't believe there was a fire.
The Muslims stated it was Ahlla's will.
The Pastafarians grabbed the fire extinguisher, put out
the fire and conrtinued eating their spaghetti.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Mitchell Harris Feinberg,
39,
Brookhaven,
Georgia
Man arrested after he smashed Waffle House
door to protest 50-cent biscuit hike
Mitchell Harris Feinberg, 39, was arrested Sunday morning
after police said he shattered the front door of a Waffle
House in Brookhaven, Georgia.
The reason for the breakfast breaking: He was allegedly
angry the restaurant raised the price for a sausage biscuit
from $1 to $1.50, WSBTV.com reports.
A Waffle House waitress told police that when Feinberg saw
the bill with the 50-cent price hike, he became belligerent
because “someone had only charged him $1 [for a sausage
biscuit] on previous dates,” according to the Atlanta
Journal-Constitution.
Surveillance video reportedly shows the suspect get up from
a corner booth, throw his bill on the floor and kick the
front door on his way out.
When the glass shattered, Feinberg fled the scene, only to
be arrested outside a nearby apartment complex a short time
later.
Police said Feinberg told them he "barely kicked the door”
when it shattered, and said he only kicked it because “he
did not want to open the greasy door with his hand,”
according to the police report.
Feinberg was booked into the DeKalb County Jail on charges
of disorderly conduct, criminal trespass and criminal damage
to property. He remains in custody in lieu of $2,500 bond.
The Brookhaven Police Dept. decided to use the incident as
a teachable moment on Facebook.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Christine
Re: How do you know a caller is a scammer?
Dear Webby,
How do I know a caller is a scammer?
Couldn't it be somebody helpful?
Christine
Dear Christine
Except for close friends, NOBODY legitimate calls you
out of the blue about supposed problems in your computer.
You can ignore those totally phony messages about Microsoft
contacting you if they ever find out why a program locked
up. That's from Windows 3, and they have never contacted
anybody yet, as far as I know.
If the caller claims to be from your ISP, then they are
just as phony. Your ISP does not give a hoot about what
goes on inside your computer, as long as YOU don't call
them.
The same goes for anybody calling and asking any
information "to verify that it is really you."
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Who is known as the "godfather of America"?
German geographer and mapmaker Martin Waldseemueller,
whose book "Cosmographiae Introductio" was first
published in 1507, named the New World "America"
in the mistaken belief that it was Italian navigator
and merchant Amerigo Vespucci who discovered the
new continent.
And the Indians are forever grateful that they were
not discovered while somebody got lost on the way
to Turkey.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sorting Socks into Pairs
The one item I never put into a dryer is socks, because they
always seem to shrink in there. So instead they get hung on
the washing line on good days, or indoors on a foldaway airer
on rainy days. Either way, this makes for a good opportunity
to sort socks into pairs at an optimum time.
It's a job I am sure that most of us hate, but if you do it
as you hang them up it is an absolute breeze to sort out
which matches what. Then very simply bunch the pairs together
as you take them down once they are dry. Have a shoe box or
something similar for odd socks and keep them in there for
a few weeks in case their partners turn up on a subsequent
washday.
By ShirleyE [29]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A young mother was visiting a doctor friend and made no
attempt to restrain her four-year-old son, who was
ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra
loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope
you don't mind Johnny being in there."
"Nah," said the doctor calmly, "That's just poisons in
there. They take some time but are quite effective.
He'll be quiet soon."
___________________________________________________

The drunk

____________________________________________________
On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised
his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and
said, I don't belong here, I should be in third
grade!'
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told
him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed
when little Larry stood up again and said, I don't
belong here, I should be in the third grade!'
Larry did this a few more times before the principal
came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.
The principal told little Larry that if he could
answer some questions that they could decide in which
grade he belonged.
Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the
state capitals and country capitals that the principal
could think of. The teacher suggested they try some
biology questions.
What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?'
asked the teacher.
'Legs!' Larry immediately replied.
What does a man have in his pants that a woman
doesn't?' asked the teacher.
Pockets!' said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, Maybe
he should be in third grade, I flunked those last two
questions!'
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
For as long as I can remember I've been plagued with
trying to remember names and faces. All the tried and true
remedies failed.
One day in the checkout lane at a new grocery store, a young
man came up, pushed my cart away, and started bagging my
groceries. I was wondering now how am I going to get them out
to my car, they're way too heavy to carry.
I was about to ask for the cart when he asked if I wanted
help. Irritated, I said yes,ť thinking now that you pushed
my cart away, you CAN take them out for me.
However, he was very pleasant and chatted about what a nice
day it was. I replied that yes it WAS a nice day, I just
needed to find my car. (I also forget stuff like that.)
He responded, "Oh that's okay, I see it."ť
Surprised, I asked, How do YOU know where my car is?"
His reply --
"I'm your next-door neighbor!"ť
Noella
____________________________________________________

Let's arm chair travel
around this big ol' beautiful world we live on. It will only take about a week.

Today, October 30, in
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar.
1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history.
1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular vote.
1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the Sherman
Silver Purchase Act of 1890.
1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper.
1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS radio.
The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was a live
news event about a Martian invasion caused panic among listeners.
1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe rationing.
1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of
approximately 58 megatons.
1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to increase
Social Security spending by $5.3 billion.
1972 45 people were killed when two trains collided in Chicago.
1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator
Francisco Franco was near death.
1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City:
Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President
Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal
bailout of New York City.
1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-Solidarity
priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was blamed on four
security officers.
1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51 percent
of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York.
1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia.
1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's military
still in control.
1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a
referendum concerning secession from the federation of Canada.
1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and the
39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist squads raided
the plane.
2001 In New York City, U.S. President George W. Bush threw out
the first pitch at Game 3 of the World Series between the New
York Yankees and the Arizona Diamondbacks.
2001 Michael Jordan returned to the NBA with the Washington Wizards
after a 3 1/2 year retirement. The Wizards lost 93-91 to the
New York Knicks.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award and a Darwin Award goes to a
Dopey UCSB Student, who died from blood loss
after punching through window
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 29, in
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
--- David M. Ogilvy
"Committees have become so important nowadays that
subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work."
--- Laurence J. Peter
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
More than anything, a young man from the city wanted
to be a cowboy. Eventually he found a rancher who took
pity on him and gave the lad a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We
use it to catch cows."
"I see," said the man, trying to seem knowledgeable as
he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for
bait?"
"City Slickers. Cows love chasing and scaring them."
______________________________________________________
The other night, Joe and his wife were going out for
dinner. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow,
eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush, lipstick,
and then turned to me and a dozen other mysterious
concoctions, and then asked:
"Does this look natural?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award
has been earned by
Andres Esteban Sanchez,
20,
Poway,
California
Dopey UCSB Student Dies from Blood Loss
After Punching Through Window
UCSB student Andres “Andy” Sanchez died in surgery Sunday
morning at Cottage Hospital two hours after he punched
through a window in his Isla Vista apartment and severely
lacerated his arm.
According to the Nexus report, which relied on information
provided by Senior Deputy James McKarrell with the Isla
Vista Foot Patrol, Sheriff’s deputies responded at approx
4:40 a.m. to the 6700 block of Abrego Road after receiving
calls of a male subject running down the street screaming
for help.
When deputies came upon a panicked Sanchez in a nearby
apartment complex, three people were holding him down and
attempting to calm him. A blanket had been wrapped around
his arm, and when the deputies removed it, they observed
a “cut approximately three-quarter inches in diameter
around his arm.” Witnesses said blood was “literally flying”
from the wound.
Sanchez, a second-year pre-biology major from Poway,
California, was transported to Cottage Hospital but died
from blood loss just before 7 a.m.
One of Sanchez’s roommates told authorities he had rushed
into their apartment earlier in the evening “talking
gibberish, and obviously under the influence of drugs” the
Nexus reported. At some point he punched through a window
and cut his arm on the broken glass.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Francine
Re: Phone call about computer problems
Dear Webby,
You sure saved me some trouble today. I am sure glad I was
able to contact you via Skype while I was on the phone with
the scammer. You were hilarious!
Please tell all the subscribers about our little adventure!
You got a much better way with words than I do.
Francine
Dear Francine
OK, will do.
Francine got a call from somebody with an Indian or Pakistani
accent, telling her that she has problems in her computer,
that are affecting her ISP and the Internet.
Francine is a pretty smart lady and thought that was not
right. So she correctly guessed that my Skype handle is
dearwebby, and contacted me, while stalling the scammer.
As they usually do, he told her to click on START,
type Eventvwr and hit Enter.
Eventvwr is some ancient viewer from troubleshooting
Windows during developing Windows95, and the "events" shown
are totally harmless and of interest only to programmers.
A print job, for example, can generate a dozen or more
Warnings and Errors, before Windows and the Printer agree
on a proper handshake. No big deal. That's how Windows
works.
The scammer tried to scare Francine about the Warnings and
Errors, and I fed Francine smart-ass remarks and dumb
questions to sidetrack the scammer.
Needless to say, she did not download anything and did not
agree to anything. The scammer wanted her to download
a program, so that he could reach into her computer and
"assist" her in fixing the problems. Yeah, right.
Much fun was had by us giving the scammer the runaround.
After we tired of that nonsense, Francine told the scammer
what to do with a Billy-Goat.
If you get a call from anybody telling you that you have
problems in your computer, don't download anything, don't
go visit any pages, don't agree to anything, and don't give
them any information, no correct information anyway.
Play stupid, difficult, paranoid, aggressive, whatever.
Just don't cooperate.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
On their 40th wedding anniversary, during the banquet,
the husband was asked to give his friends a brief
account of the benefits of a marriage of such long
duration.
One in the crowd said, "Tell us, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful years with your
wife?"
The husband said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty,
meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness . .
and a lot of other disciplines that you wouldn't
have needed if you had stayed single."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Mint Tins
I hate to throw away those cute mint tins so I've come up
with a few idea's to use them in the car or purse.
I put in some almonds/cashews (or your favorite) nuts to
keep in the car for when I get a snack urge. Then I don't
buy junk food......as often~
I also keep a few of my husband's meds in a tin, then if
we are out visiting and stay over, he always has them!
I bring along my vitamin supplements that I take. I also
bring along chewable vitamins like calcium chews or
gummies for adults that we never seem to want to take at
home and have them on the road. Then our gummy snack is
actually a healthy one!
It's a great mini first aid kit and can hold quite a number
of band aids, ibuprofen, alcohol wipes, etc.
I always keep a $20 bill and a number of quarters in the car
as well. You could lose a wallet, run out of gas without
your credit card, need toll money. You never know!
If you like to take spontaneous hikes or nature walks, a tin
with a few additional items like: a whistle, matches (and the
relighting birthday candles!) plus a pocket knife, mirror
(for signaling if lost) are great to carry along!
These are ideas for just the car/purse, in the house the
options are endless!
So don't throw out those tins!
By Donna [291]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
We stopped for a quick meal and the waiter brought us
each a bowl of soup.
As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen, Pa
stopped him, calling: "Waiter!"
"Yes ,sir, is there something wrong?"
"The soup. Taste it," replied Pa.
"I beg your pardon, Sir?"
"Taste it."
"But, Sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent."
"Taste it," Pa persisted.
"Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest
ingredients."
"Taste it!"
The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right,
Sir, I'll taste it."
Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?"
To which Pa replied triumphantly, "Ah ha ... "
___________________________________________________

I GOT this dance!

____________________________________________________
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased
that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly
led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.
"Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said.
"I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better
than any I ever had over there."
"Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, they use
domestic cheese. Ours is imported."
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
The year was 1974, I didn't have a crock pot or any other
modern kitchen doodads. I had just moved into a new apartment
and equipping a kitchen was the least of my concerns. As long
as the oven made heat and the fridge made cold, I was satisfied.
Anyway, a friend was coming over for dinner so I had to draw
from my scant culinary skills. PBJ sandwiches came to mind but
I was able to fend off the thought. I'd heard that you could
put a roast in the oven, turn it on to 200 F (93.3 C), and let
it cook all day. Sounded okay to me so in the oven went the
roast and I left for work.
Eight hours later, I drove up to my apartment (an old house
that was divided into units) and as I'm getting out of the car,
I'm wondering what IS that odor? The closer I got to my door,
the stronger it became. I followed the plume to a white oven
that was now several endearing shades of brown. As if the
experience hadn’t done enough damage to my ego, I proceeded to
open the oven door. I didn't see how any more smoke could be
in there, but my judgment was about to take the same beating my
ego had suffered. There was a big enough cloud in there to darken
all the adjacent apartments and then some! After gaining some
modicum of composure, I grabbed a pair of pot holders and blindly
reached around for the pan that held my roast. I found it just as
I was ready to collapse from smoke inhalation and carried it out
to the front porch. I tried to take the lid off but It wouldn't
budge. After several minutes of praying and prying with a screwdriver,
I was finally able to pop the lid. Once the smoke from inside the pan
had cleared, I saw what had happened to my beautiful roast. I poked
it with the screwdriver and found that it went all the way through to
the air beneath the crust. Ninety five percent of my beautiful
roast was billowing out of my apartment windows - the other five
percent was in my lungs. It had not been a good day.
I later discovered that my oven had one tiny eccentricity. No matter
what I set it for, it cooked at 550 F (288 C). If I had gone to my
mail box, it would have been done by the time I got back.
Those PBJ sandwiches were sounding better by the minute.
____________________________________________________

18 reasons you
should never travel to Chiapas.

Today, October 29, in
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I.
1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth.
1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania.
1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was founded.
1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted.
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa Kemal,
later known as Kemal Ataturk.
1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market.
1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S.
1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price
of $12.50 each.
1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis.
1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television.
1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional fight.
1966 The National Organization for Women was founded.
1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation.
1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL records.
He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards putting him
over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the season.
1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam Hussein's
regime liable for human rights abuses and war damages during
its occupation of Kuwait.
1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit an
asteroid (Gaspra).
1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power.
1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the
Food and Drug Administration.
1995 Jerry Rice of the San Francisco 49ers became the NFL's
career leader in receiving yards with 14,040 yards.
1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission
condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the
African National Congress.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the
first American to orbit the Earth.
1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for
$2 million at a New York auction.
2001 KTLA broadcasted the first coast to coast HDTV
network telecast.
2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man, who was arrested for attacking a
Karaoke DJ over mic volume
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly
pathetic that it has to be us.
--- Jerry Garcia, (of the Grateful Dead)
"The nine most terrifying words in the English
language are, 'I'm from the government and
I'm here to help.'
--- Ronald Reagan
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The basketball coach stormed into the university
President's office and demanded a raise right then and
there.
"Please," protested the college President, "you
already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put
up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an
example."
The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock
who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my
office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out
of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."
______________________________________________________
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing
his wedding ring. She asked,
"Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"
He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
______________________________________________________
Kansas
My friend shared this tree with me. I thought you might enjoy it too.
Be safe and careful. You are a valued person.
Janice
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Joshua Fort,
26,
DeBary,
Florida,
Florida man was arrested for attacking
Karaoke DJ over mic sound
The only record this karaoke singer will have is a
criminal one.
A man in DeBary, Florida, was arrested Thursday morning
after police said he assaulted a karaoke DJ at Blackie's
Bar.
Joshua Fort, 26, was performing the Jay Z and Justin
Timberlake jam "Holy Grail' with another man, when he
sounded a discordant note at the job being done by DJ
Omar Isaac, according to the Daytona Beach News-Journal.
Police said when Isaac didn't pump up the volume on
Fort's microphone, the suspect responded in a way that
speaks volumes.
First, Fort grabbed the DJ’s laptop computer and slammed
it shut. Then witnesses said the suspect threw a glass at
Isaac that hit the DJ on the side of his head.
Fort is also accused of pulling the DJ to the dance floor
and throwing him on the ground there, according to WNDB.com.
Fort fled the scene, but later turned himself into the
Volusia County Jail, where he was charged with aggravated
battery with a deadly weapon. He was released on $5,000 bond.
The suspect told police he ran from the karaoke bar because
because he “knew he was going to be in trouble” and that
“everyone would point fingers at him,” according to a police
report obtained by WNDB.com.
Before his arrest, he was treated at a local hospital for
injury to his left hand.
Because the alleged crime centered around karaoke, the
Florida Sun-Sentinel suggested the suspect be shipped off
to Sing Sing.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Neil
Re: Tracker PDF editor
Dear Webby,
PDF Exchange does have a free version that is likely to be
close to the same as Nitro. On their main page, in the
upper left corner just below the banner is a graphic that
says Get Free PDF Viewer now. If you click on that graphic
it will download the free viewer. I liked their product
so much that I purchased it, but I have many pdf docs that
I must edit and annotate.
http://www.tracker-software.com/
Neil
Dear Neil
Thank you for that info!
Marlene also reported on that:
"this is a program I have used for several years.
this version is free"
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A minister was planning a wedding at the close
of the Sunday morning service.
After the benediction he had planned to call the
couple down to be married for a brief ceremony
before the congregation. For the life of him, he
couldn't think of the names of those who were
to be married. So he simply asked:
"Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?"
Immediately, nine single ladies, four widows,
tree widowers, two single men and a lady in a formal
wedding gown stepped to the front.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Molasses Sugar Cookies
This is a crisp spice cookie. I make them every Christmas
and give some away for gifts. They were my late mother's
favorite and it reminds me of her when I make them.
Approximate Time: About 15 minutes plus 1 hour chilling
and 8-10 min.baking time
Yield: Approximately 3 doz.
Ingredients:
3/4 cup shortening
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
2 tsp baking soda
2 cups flour
1/2 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
Steps:
Melt the shortening in a 3 or 4 quart saucepan over low heat.
Remove from heat and let cool. Then add sugar, molasses and
egg and beat well using an electric hand mixer.
In a separate bowl combine the flour with the rest of the
dry ingredients.
Mix the wet and dry ingredients together. Chill for 1 hour.
Form into 1 inch balls and roll in granulated sugar.
Place on a greased cookie sheet, a silicon mat or parchment
paper. Space about 2 inches apart.
Bake at 375şF for 8-10 minutes.
Source: A recipe on the bottle of Brer Rabbit Molasses
By Diana W. [12]
You can drastically cut down on the sugar and increase
molasses to get traditional soft gingerbread cookies.
You have to add more flour until you can roll the dough
into balls. They will melt into flat cookies in the oven.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
One day, Jean-Claude decided to take a trip from
Montreal (where he lived) to that great city of
Boston.. He went to the airport to buy a ticket and
found out the cost was $200 one-way.
Well Jean-Claude only had $110 on him. But he saw a
sign saying half-fare for persons under 18. Well, now
Jean-Claude had just turned 18 three months ago so he
lied..a bit. And got a ticket for $100.
Well during the flight, he talking with the passenger
seated next to him. And, in the course of their little
chat, he boisterously mentioned the 18th birthday party
his friends had for him. Since Jean-Claude talked
fairly loudly, a stewardess happened to over-hear
that part of the conversation and remembered from the
passenger list that Jean-Claude had only paid
half-fare. A few minutes later, the stewardess asked
Jean-Claude if he had $50 with him.
Jean-Claude, slightly embarrassed, replied, "I only
have $10, enough for a bus and a coffee after we arrive
in Boston.. Why you ask?"
Stewardess:"I wanted to know if you wanted to buy this
used parachute."
Jean-Claude, "What for?"
Stewardess, "You only paid half-fare and you're over
18. We are half-way on our flight and you have to leave
now."
___________________________________________________

the internet cloud is not where you think

____________________________________________________
A passenger train in California is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The
woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened?
Did we catch up with the cow again?"
----------------
Yeah, I remember a train like that in Austria.
It had little porches at each end of the wagons
and signs posted: "Picking flowers while the train
is in motion is not permitted."
Seems the locomotive engineer got annoyed when the
flower pickers passed the train.
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
Out of Cascade? Wanna know what happens when you use about
a quarter-cup full of Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher?
Well, I did one day!
I'm in my bedroom curling my hair to go somewhere, and I
hear one of the twins in the kitchen. "Uh, Noella? I think
you need to come in here."
"Why? You guys need to get ready."
"Uh, Noella? There's suds all over the floor, Lots of suds,
they're covering the whole floor!"
I groan, walk into the kitchen, and sure enough, there ARE
suds all over the floor. They're headed for the computer sitting
on the floor just a few feet away.
The boys bring lots of towels from the bathroom and I call my
husband, who is laughing his head off. His solution - get out
my Rainbow (dust and dirt is sucked into a container of water)
and start vacuuming the water out.
You know what happens when you vacuum suds with a Rainbow?
The motor starts sounding funny. So, I shut it off and open it,
to find that it took the water out of the dishwasher okay but
now suds are way up in the motor. I did remember the salesman
told us that if that ever happened, disconnect from the water
housing and run dry. Now not only is the floor still covered
with suds, there's more water plus oil on the floor. And we've
got to be somewhere in just a few minutes!
Moral of the story is - unless you want to use LOTS of towels
to sop up water, never, ever use Dawn dish soap in your
dishwasher!
____________________________________________________

Someone had a lot of time on their hands centuries ago!

Today, October 28, in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts.
1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the
American Revolutionary War.
1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin.
1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor
by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and
is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty
Enlightening the World."
1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use
fingerprinting.
1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.
Constitution.
1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy.
1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece.
1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in Cuba.
1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of collective
guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed.
1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard
Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ, to begin
serving his sentence for Watergate-related convictions.
1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution "deeply
deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.
1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker, pled
guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the abortion
pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution of the drug
after the government of France demanded it do so.
1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing.
1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called for a
complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military leaders.
1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that all the
troops there would be home by Christmas.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 27
Thank you Jim H.!!!!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Iowa man, who was arrested after stealing a taxi
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Statistics: The only science that enables different
experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A grandmother overheard her five-year-old granddaughter
playing "wedding."
The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say
will be turned around and used against you, you have
the right to have an attorney present.
You may kiss the bride today."
______________________________________________________
Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes
towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My
husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them
'reruns'."
"You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a
Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!"
"That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady.
"My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Jim Hetrick for sending this picture, taken by
Don Hole, one of his former students, who works the midnight
shift at the Outer Banks Fishing Pier.:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Luis Orellana-Rivera,
26,
Des Moines,
Iowa
Iowa man was arrested after stealing a taxi
An Iowa resident arrested for stealing a taxi moments after
his release from a Des Moines hospital told cops that he
boosted the ride because he did not want to walk the six
blocks to his residence.
According to police, Luis Orellana-Rivera, 26, hopped into
a running cab parked outside Mercy Medical Center. The taxi
driver told cops that he pulled up to the hospital’s front
doors and left the car running as he made a delivery to the
blood bank.
Pictured in the above mug shot, Orellana-Rivera allegedly
swiped the car around 6:15 AM Friday, immediately after
his discharge.
Shortly after the taxi’s owner reported the vehicle stolen,
Des Moines Police Department cops used GPS data to locate
the Ford Crown Victoria, which was parked less than a mile
from the hospital.
Orellana-Rivera was arrested as he exited the vehicle, which
was in a lot behind his former residence. A “friend/former
roommate” told police that Orellana-Rivera “has been having
mental issues lately due to drug usage,” and has been
“delusional and paranoid.”
Orellana-Rivera, who had the cab’s keys in his pants pocket,
told police that he opted to steal the car instead of walking
home from the hospital. Orellana-Rivera, who spent about
six hours at the medical center, was wearing a hospital
bracelet and had a pulse oxygen device still attached to
his finger when apprehended.
Orellana-Rivera was arrested for felony theft and jailed
in the Polk County lockup (where he is being held in lieu
of $5000 bond).
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: PDF form fillers
Dear Webby,
You mentioned Nitro PDF program a couple of weeks ago.
My sister told me to get PDF-Exchange from Tracker-software.
What is the difference?
Edith
Dear Edith
If you just want to fill an occasional form, then the Nitro
will be cheaper. They have a free Reader, that has limited
"typing" abilities. For buying stuff or filling out your
taxes, that's good enough.
PDF-Exchange has no free version that i can see, but they
have much better typing and editing abilities.
If you are writing e-books and want to do fancy formatting,
then you might want to check out the PDF-Exchange.
You would still write the e-books with Open Office or WORD,
and save them as PDF. However, since neither of those two
are that good for picking up a PDF file and edit it,
an editor like Nitro or PDF-Exchange are handy for quickly
fixing a typo instead of opening the word processor doc,
fixing the typo, and saving it as PDF again.
And of course, filling forms is much easier with a
dedicated PDF program like those two.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A dog thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . They must be Gods!
A cat thinks:
Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me,
provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me,
and take good care of me . . . I must be a God!
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Splatter Screen For Popcorn
Here is a tip to release the aroma of popcorn but protect it
from anything entering. Simply use a splatter screen cover.
Great for home, picnics, or parties!
By KIM HOGGAN [6]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger
noticed a sign saying:
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!
posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed an old
hound dog sound asleep on the floor half way between
the door and the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused.
"That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to
me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that
sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing their
teeth out on the counter."
___________________________________________________

GoPro: Backflip Over 72ft Canyon

____________________________________________________
I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby
pay phone. "I know it's something you want,"
he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are
a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing.
As long as you're living in my house, I think you
should respect my wishes."
I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly
firmness.
Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma,
you're 87 years old! You don't NEED a tattoo and a
nose ring!"
____________________________________________________
Noella's Blunders
It's not a cooking story, but here's one:
I have several friends who consider themselves to be very
spiritual.ť They advised that I should watch the sunrise
every morning — that it would be a very spiritual experience
for me. It sounded good, so the next morning I got up early
enough to catch it.
I was still lying in my bed when I looked out the window and
saw the most beautiful yellow light ever. I gazed on that sun
as it was rising in the sky and felt an awesome sense of peace.
Then it slowly dawned on me that the sun wasn't rising.
I went to the window to check it out and found myself staring
at the light pole across the street!
I had a really spiritual epihany when I saw the light.
It was time to clean the windows.
____________________________________________________

Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage

Today, October 27, in
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America.
1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York
City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other
seven failed.
1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted.
1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America.
1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis.
1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in
New York.
1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at
26' 2 1/4".
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its
new synthetic yarn.
1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring
Grouch Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on
NBC television.
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced.
They had been married on January 14, 1954.
1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis
by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis
in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new
aspect of the agreement.
1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime
Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the
Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving
a Middle East accord.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the
U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for
the first time in American history.
2002 Emmitt Smith (Dallas Cowboys) became the all-time
leading rusher in the NFL when he extended his career
yardage to 16,743. He achieved the record in his 193rd
game. He also scored his 150th career touchdown.
2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of
Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected
leftist leader.
2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second
largest banking company in the U.S.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 26
Thank you Shalla
Back in the saddle again.
Next injections are on January 8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk collegian, who called 911, claimed she is "Olivia Pope"
and then warned cop of car bomb heading for White House
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
In general, the art of government consists of taking
as much money as possible from one party of the
citizens to give to the other.
--- Voltaire (1764)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
An EMT in southern Georgia was part of the unit
that responded to a call from Coffee County late
one night. They arrived on the scene and found
a severely injured man lying at the edge of a
field. His stomach had been completely torn
open, and he was covered with lacerations and
bruises. He also had a prominent tire tread
across his chest.
The injured man's companion showed up in a
racing model ATV vehicle, clearly intoxicated,
and gave the following account. Imagine this
tale being recited in a deep Georgian accent.
He and his injured friend had been drinkin'
and ridin' around the field on the three-wheeled
ATV, when they sighted a stand of deer
in their headlights. The friend, riding the
back as a passenger,was struck with a great
idea. "Hey man," he said, "If you quarter off
one a those deer, betcha I can bulldog 'im." The
driver thought this was an entertaining idea, so
he proceeded to isolate a buck and race him
down.
His intoxicated passenger proceeded to leap
from the ATV, grab the buck by the antlers,
and perform an excellent example of this
rodeo sport. He pinned the animal's head to
the ground, but that's when things went
wrong. The buck, less docile than a steer,
simply got up, threw his head back, and
tore his assailant's belly open. The deer
then proceeded to stomp, kick, and butt
him for good measure.
The EMTs noticed that this information
accounted all of the injuries except one.
When they asked the driver about the
tire track across his injured friend's chest,
he responded: "Well how else was I s'posed
to git the deer off 'im?"
______________________________________________________
The closest to perfection anyone ever comes
is when he or she fills out a job application
form.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Jim Hetrick for this picture:
A picture of the "fall leaves in Ohio."
Enjoy and again thanks for all.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kelsey Cousins,
20,
Iowa
Drunk collegian calls 911, says she is "Olivia Pope"
and then warns cop of car bomb heading for White House
An Iowa collegian who is apparently a big fan of booze and
TV’s “Scandal” called 911 early this morning claiming to be
“Olivia Pope,” and reported a sighting of “Cyrus Beene”
outside an Iowa City bar, police say.
Cops responding to the 2:45 AM emergency call were flagged
down by Kelsey Cousins, a 20-year-old University of Iowa
student who is a member of the school’s rowing team.
Officer Brad Reinhard reported that Cousins, seen above,
“kept talking about ‘Olivia Pope’ and about a car with a
bomb in it that was heading to the White House.” The cop
added that, “‘Olivia Pope’ is a television show character
and everything that defendant stated was nonsensical and
rambling.”
Actress Kerry Washington stars in “Scandal” as Pope, a
Beltway fixer and presidential mistress. The “Cyrus Beene”
character, played by Jeff Perry, is a scheming manipulator
who was fired from his post as White House chief of staff.
The underage Cousins, according to a police report, smelled
of alcohol, suffered from impaired speech and balance, and
had bloodshot, watery eyes. She reportedly copped to
drinking and possessing a fake ID.
Following her arrest for public intoxication, Cousins, seen
above, took a Breathalyzer test that registered her blood
alcohol content at .206, more than twice the legal limit.
She is also facing a second misdemeanor charge for misuse
of the 911 system.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Samantha
Re: Clear Cache
Dear Webby,
Every time I have a problem getting to certain sites, that
are up and working, because friends tell me they have no
problem getting to them, the ISP's tech support tells me
to clear the browser cache. When I was still using IE,
I used to know how to do that, not that it ever made any
difference, but I knew how to do that. Now, with Chrome
I have no clue about how to clear the cache.
Second question: Is there a way I can tell whether they are
just full of BS and are just giving me the run-around while
they go ask mom how to fix the fluck-up at the station?
Samantha
Dear Samantha
On Chrome,click the three horizontal bars at the right top.
That opens the menu. In there click HISTORY.
In History, click CLEAR BROWSING DATA
In the next panel click EMPTY CACHE
You could set the time interval to Beginning of time, but
that is silly, since if tehre had been a cache problem,
it would be with a recently cached site.
Re 2: yes, they are usually full of BS if they tell you
to clear the cache.
The easiest way to prove that is to bypass the browser and
use tracert.
Click on Start
type cmd and hit enter.
Let's assume you are trying to get to webby.com/humor
On the scary black screen that opens, type
tracert webby.com
and hit Enter.
Don't type any part after the actual domain name.
After a few seconds you will see the route information
appearing one line after another.
Just getting to your ISP is usually the slowest.
Eventually, the trace will wind up at the target domain.
If you get there without any potholes (stars), then
the route is clear.
However, if there are potholes, or roadblocks (3 stars),
then the route is obstructed, and the problem is NOT in
your browser's cache, since you didn't even use your browser.
To copy the trace route is a bit tricky, since it is in
DOS format, unchanged from the 80's.
Right-click on the top frame bar, select EDIT,
and in there select MARK
Then use the mouse to highlight the trace route,
and hit ENTER
Then you can go to your email and with CTRL V paste the
trace route.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking
out children's books by writing the names of
borrowers on the book cards herself, she would
have the youngsters sign their own names. She
would then tell them they were signing a
"Contract" for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader, who looked
surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four
books to the desk and shoved them across to the
Librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The Librarian pushed the books back and told him
to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his
name on each book card and then handed them to her
with a look of utter disgust.
Before the Librarian could even start her speech
he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had
knew how to write herself!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Paperclip as Collar Stay
My son has to wear dress shirts to work and I launder them
myself. He loses those little plastic collar stays all the
time. He discovered a paperclip works like a charm! It's not
quite as long but just as effective and easier to remove
before washing. If this tip wins, I promise to give him the
prize. He's saving for grad school.
Source: My son's brilliant mind and necessity
By Beth Pierpont H. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to
open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had
been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember
it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked
for help.
The pastor came into the room and began to turn the
dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared
blankly for a moment. Finally he look serenely
heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he
looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the
final number, and opened the lock.
The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith,
pastor," she said.
"It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a
piece of tape on the ceiling."
___________________________________________________

when neighbors
complained about noise, this is what they found

____________________________________________________
Billy Bob and Bubba fly to Alaska for a fishing trip.
They hire a bush pilot and rent a boat, rods, and
tackle. After two weeks they have caught only one
salmon.
''MAN Bubba," Billy Bob says, "Do you realize this
lousy fish cost us about $15000 apiece."
'Wow," Bubba replies, 'At that rate it's a good thing
we only caught one of them!"
____________________________________________________

Russian Dance Group Float across the Stage

Today, October 22, in
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of
$7,602,000.
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine.
1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in Tombstone,
AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two brothers and
Doc Holiday against the Ike Clanton Gang.
1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden.
1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa Cruz
during World War II.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended. The
battle was won by American forces and brought the end of the
Pacific phase of World War II into sight.
1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage from
40 to 75 cents an hour.
1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great Britain.
1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris.
1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile Crisis
by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S. agreed to
not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles in Turkey.
1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne.
1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger declared,
"Peace is at hand" in Vietnam.
1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to officially
visit to the United States.
1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully landed
at Edwards Air Force Base in California.
1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death by
Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence Agency.
1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first Israeli head
of state to visit Egypt.
1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being born
with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with the
animal heart.
1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and Soviet
embassies in London to pressure the two countries to end their
arms race.
1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company, announced it
was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-486. The pill is
used to induce abortions. The French government made the company
reverse itself two days later.
1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American icebreakers. The
whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks in an Arctic ice pack.
1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach 2,000 points.
1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a federal
correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin serving a
six-month sentence for cocaine possession.
1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned after the
company recorded its highest losses in history.
1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord, which was
designed to unify the country.
1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of defrauding
the U.S. government and lying to the U.S. Congress. Dean was a central
figure in the Reagan-era HUD scandal.
1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime Minister Abdel
Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.
1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th National
Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New York Islanders in his
605th game. He became the second-fastest player to attain the plateau.
Wayne Gretzky had reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game.
1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile warhead.
2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won a defense
contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The contract, for the
"joint strike fighter," was the largest defense contract in history.
2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where separatist
rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116 hostages and all
50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or gunshot wounds.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no Saturday, Sunday and Monday
newsletters will be sent out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
--- Bruce Grocott (1940 - )
"The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have
enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or
not."
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large
variety, $1.95 each."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my
computer?"
Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those
new Intels ?"
Customer: "Yes, it says Intel inside, it's a 17"."
Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these
$29.95 mousepads"
Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?"
Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe
you should better get one of these bue ones for
$49.95."
______________________________________________________
Bulletin Board Bloopers:
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to
make calls on people who are not afflicted with any
church.
---------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
---------------------------
The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the
delight of the audience.
---------------------------
Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing
services will be discontinued until further notice.
---------------------------
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great
success. Special thanks are due to the minister's
daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano,
which as usual fell upon her.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Antoine Tremane Miller,
16
North Charleston,
South Carolina
SC teen arrested after his rape victim
bit off his tongue
-As she fought off a sexual assault from an intruder, a
South Carolina woman bit off her 16-year-old attacker’s tongue,
according to a police report detailing the harrowing home
invasion.
The 33-year-old victim told South Charleston cops that the
knife-wielding teen forced his way into her residence early
Friday morning. While grappling with the attacker, the
victim was knocked to the floor and punched several times.
She told investigators that the assailant declared,
“Stop fighting and I won't hurt you.”
The intruder then carried the woman to a bedroom and
attempted to remove her shorts, police say. But the victim
fought back and kicked the teen in the groin, which
incensed him. "Now you have to die!" the assailant said,
according to the report.
As the attacker forcibly “shoved his tongue down in her
mouth,” the woman “bit...as hard as she could until she
heard it snap,” cops noted. The screaming assailant then
fled the bedroom, recalled the victim, who told police
that when she got off the bed, “the suspect’s tongue was
still in her mouth and she threw it on the kitchen floor.”
Upon arriving at the woman’s residence, police discovered
blood in the bedroom, as well as the severed tongue (which
was placed into a bag of ice). Cops also found a knife in
the home’s yard. The victim, investigators noted, had a
bruise around her right eye with swelling and scratches
on her knee and foot.
Shortly after the attack, the teenager was located at a
nearby Waffle House. Cops were dispatched to the restaurant
after the suspect’s mother called 911 to report her son
“not having a tongue and needing medical assistance.”
Police have identified the attacker as Antoine Tremane
Miller, a North Charleston resident. The teenager, who
has been charged as an adult, is jailed without bond on
felony counts of criminal sexual conduct, assault,
burglary, and weapons possession.
Miller, seen in the above mug shot, was treated at a
North Charleston hospital, but a police spokesperson
declined to say whether the teen’s tongue--which
police transported to the hospital--was reattached.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I appreciate your looking into whether you can find a cure
for the bothersome "Unresponsive Script" window popping up
continually on my 8.1 laptop.
I gave the computer to the Geek Squad for a possible solution,
If they find one I'll let you know.
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
I found this:
A file called IEFrame.dll has registration problems. Every
DLL file is registered in the system registry. The problem
arises when IEFrame.dll file registration entries gets
corrupted.
In this case there is a manual way to resolve this issue.
Unregister and reregister the file again as shown here:
1. Click the Start button.
2. Point to All Programs | Accessories.
3. Right click Command Prompt.
4. Select "Run as administrator".
5. Execute below commands-
regsvr32 actxprxy.dll
regsvr32 oleaut32.dll
regsvr32 ole32.dll
Regsvr32. Ieframe.dll
6. When you're done, type EXIT and press ENTER.
If this does not fix your problem, the best way would be to
use Quick-Fix Patch.
It scans the whole system for problems related to DLL
registration, missing file, and so on. It would take a minute
or two to repair it automatically.
UNinstalling IE would probably also take care of the problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Joan in Minnesota.
The Canadian Geese are back, a big event there.
Next come the Winnebagos.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stuffed Peppers
An easy fall dish that's healthy and delicious!
Approximate Time: 90 minutes
Yield: 2-3 servings, 6 pepper halves
Ingredients:
3 bell peppers
1/2 cup brown rice
1 small onion, diced
1 cup crushed tomatoes
12 oz extra lean ground beef (I used 95%)
1 Tbsp minced garlic
1 Tbsp garlic salt
1 Tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese
Steps:
Slice the peppers in half length wise and scoop out seeds
and pith. Rinse and set in a baking dish, cut side up.
Saute' garlic and onion in olive oil for 5 minutes or until
softened. Add in ground beef and cook until brown.
Cook rice as directed. Add in tomatoes, garlic salt, and
ground beef mixture in last 5 minutes of cooking.
Bake peppers alone for 15 minutes at 350 F. Then spoon
stuffing mixture evenly over peppers, returning to oven to
bake for 30 minutes at 400 F.
Add mozzarella cheese evenly over peppers. Broil for 5 minutes
or until browned.
Serve up with tomato sauce if desired.
Link: www.triingforbalance.blogspot.com
By Rae [1]
That takes less skill but quite a bit more work than
regular, old-fashioned stuffed peppers.
For those, hollow out the peppers, and
for the beef use regular ground beef. It is cheaper and
has much more flavor.
Murdering onions by just softening them would get you
yelled at in my kitchen. Sautee them properly until they
are hazelnut brown! Gently stir them while you do that,
so that they don't get black edges. NO email-checking
during the sauteeing!
For the rice, DO NOT cook it as directed!
That produces a silly mush after baking. If you nuke
the rice, deduct a minute, and don't let it steep covered
like you would if you use it as a side dish!
Mix the rice and the rest of the ingredients except cheese
and stuff it into the hollowed out peppers.
That is why they are called stuffed peppers.
when full, add the cheese and cap it with the original
top after carving off the seed pith.
Add a cup of slightly watered down pasta sauce,
about 3/4 to 1 inch high in the casserole or crock pot.
I drain the "spiced, crushed tomatoes" a bit and use that
liquid to thin down the pasta sauce.
Bake in the oven in a casserole at 350 for 25 minutes
or in a crock pot for a few hours.
THEN you get proper, old-fashioned STUFFED Peppers,
that taste just like your gramma's stuffed peppers did.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A number of children from the neighborhood were
invited to Mrs. Johnson's for dinner. She decided to do
something different while serving the meal.
"Where are you originally from?" she asked one child.
"California," said the boy.
"Well then, I will give you the left wing."
She turned to another boy and asked, "Where are
YOU from?"
"New York," he answered.
And she said, "You get the right wing."
She turned to the third boy and asked, "Where are
you from?"
He said, "I'm from New Orleans and I ain't hungry!"
___________________________________________________

Today, October 22, in
1910 - Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States.
1915 - Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to
vote with a march in New York City, NY.
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great Depression.
1942 During World War II, the British began a major offensive
against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt.
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began.
1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising.
1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded the
Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the honor
due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the award for
writing "Dr. Zhivago".
1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval "quarantine"
of Cuba was approved by the Council of the Organization of
American States (OAS).
1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon."
1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and seat
Communist China.
1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair.
1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of hostility
when they exchanged treaty ratifications.
1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin
was announced.
1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia.
1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years of
Soviet rule.
1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese emperor
to stand on Chinese soil.
1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn Bosnia.
1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian
Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a land-for-peace
West Bank accord.
1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II.
2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In 2010,
it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida couple arrested after they left
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and
suspicious of men who try to.
--- H. Mumford Jones (1892 - 1980)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Jean
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes
of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever.
I had five."
The third old guy said, "I had seven riders, the same as
last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12
riders today."
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who
had heard the old guys talking about their game went to
the pro and said, "I've been playing golf for a long time
and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but
what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough
to actually get in the golf cart and ride to it."
______________________________________________________
Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an
expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed
Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.
The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the
Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied
that he would.
The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer
again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Megan Ohara, 24
David Ziskowski, 19
Palm Beach,
Florida
Florida couple arrested after they left
name and phone number in gallery guestbook before robbery
Authorities say a man and woman left the woman's name and
telephone number in the guestbook of a South Florida art
gallery before stealing about $6,000 worth of jewelry.
Palm Beach police say 24-year-old Megan Ohara and 19-year-old
David Ziskowski took a bracelet and a ring Sunday from the
Attila JK exhibition at the ICFA Gallery. They were spotted
a short time later at a nearby grocery, and police reported
finding the jewelry in the woman's purse.
Officers found multiple fake email addresses and at least
one obscene drawing in the gallery's guestbook. The South
Florida Sun Sentinel (http://goo.gl/UEPiqq ) reports that
two of the fake emails included the name "Meg" and one
included Ohara's phone number.
Ohara and Ziskowski were arrested and charged with grand
theft.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Walter
Re: Unresponsive Script on W8
Hi Dear Webby,
I once again seek the help of the western hemisphere's
preeminent cyber guru.
Quite frequently on my 8.1 Windows laptop, Firefox browser,
a window comes up, saying "Warning: Unresponsive Script."
The screen then freezes and to correct this problem I have
to reboot.
Have you an answer on how to prevent this from happening?
Be well, live long, and prosper,
Walter
Dear Walter
"Just a routine Windows 8 F...up".
Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the Taskmanager
sort by Memory
locate and highlight FireFox
Hit END PROCESS in the right bottom corner.
It will close FireFox and unlock W8.
Chrome seems to be able to deal with that
problem more intelligently and lets you stop
and restart unresponsive scripts.
Unfortunately, that only gets you over a symptom of the
problem, and does not cure it. I will look for a possible
cure.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and
asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company
wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their
catalog.
He wrote another letter to the company that said:
"If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not
need any toilet paper."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Your Pumpkin from Spoiling
It is Jack-o-Lantern time! I always wait until the last
minute to carve my pumpkin because it seems like it starts
to rot the next day. I saw a special on TV where they
immerse the cut pumpkin in a solution of water and bleach.
You keep it in for a while and make sure it gets submerged
and every cut surface is treated. Let it drain for a while.
Just make sure you wear old clothes and use plastic gloves.
I think Rubbermaid would be the best. I don't know the
percentage of bleach to water, or how long to keep in the
liquid. Before I have tried using salt and water or vinegar
but the pumps didn't last any longer.
Source: TV special Extreme Hallowe'en I think it was
By Nightsong [37]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was
sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to
pray?"
One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to
pray."
"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us
put on our life jackets - we're one short."
___________________________________________________

July 31, 2015
moonrise over Cape Byron Lighthouse, on Belongil Beach, Byron Bay, New South Wales, Australia. The head land and lighthouse at Byron Bay is the most easterly point of the Australian Mainland and therefor is the first place in Australia to watch the full moon rise. This video is made up of 1038 frames and slowed down to as close to real time as possible.

____________________________________________________
When I consider how sweaters tend to make me
sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker.
____________________________________________________

Body paint for Halloween

Today, October 22, in
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University.
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded parachute
jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet.
1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first constitutionally
elected president of the Republic of Texas.
1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected to
come to an end according to the followers of William Miller.
1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament.
1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began withdrawing
money from many New York banks.
1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO).
1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island.
1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The spacecraft
had orbited the Earth 163 times.
1975 Air Force Technical Sergeant Leonard Matlovich was discharged
after publicly declaring his homosexuality. His tombstone reads
"A gay Vietnam Veteran. When I was in the military they gave
me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one."
1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi was allowed
into the U.S. for medical treatment.
1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization was
decertified by the federal government for its strike the previous August.
1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade Association
agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations by the year 1993.
1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in which it
defied Western definitions of civil liberties.
1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in July.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications downloaded.
2010 The Internation Space Station set the record (3641 days) for the
longest continuous human occupation of space. It had been continously
inhabited since November 2, 2000.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Women arrested for DUI, who told tells police
her name is 'Hell On Wheels'
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 21, in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing
on the shore like an idiot.
--- Steven Wright (1955 - )
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up,
but a comedy in long-shot."
--- Charlie Chaplin
Historians are like deaf people who go on answering
questions that no one has asked them.
--- Leo Tolstoy (1828 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A salesman from New York traveling in Kansas left his
snazzy rental car out in a hail storm. When the storm
was over he checked the car and found out it was
covered with small dents. He went to the local garage
and inquired how he could fix the problem himself.
The mechanic told him to blow on the tailpipe and the
dents would pop out again.
He took the car to the motel where he was staying,
parked it and proceeded to blow on the tailpipe.
A local came by and inquired what he was doing.
He explained that he was blowing on the tailpipe to
remove the dents.
The local responded,
"That's not gonna to work, not unless you roll up the
windows real tight first."
______________________________________________________
Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the
teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave
$50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would
you have?"
"Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny answered,
"Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Amanda Dolores Alleman
38,
CLARKSBURG,
Wesrt Virginia
Women arrested for DUI, who told tells police
her name is 'Hell On Wheels'
Police say a woman accused of drunken driving and hitting
six vehicles initially identified herself to an officer
as "Hell on Wheels."
The Exponent Telegram (http://bit.ly/1KdL6cI ) reports
38-year-old Amanda Dolores Alleman of Clarksburg was
arrested Friday on numerous charges. Among them are
aggravated driving while under the influence, striking
an unattended vehicle and having no insurance.
Police say Alleman had a blood-alcohol content of 0.20
percent when she struck six parked vehicles on two
different streets.
Alleman was being held at the North Central Regional Jail
on $14,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
Re: Desktop restore
Dear Webby
For that poor lady whose desktop icons all got scrambled -
we only have a couple dozen so what I did was do a "print
screen" of the desktop & saved it in an e-mail draft.Â
Now when they go haywire I just use that to reassemble
them.Â Sounds a lot easier, hope you will print my idea.
Bonnie in Candia
Dear Bonnie
You are an exception! Most people have a LOT of icons on their
desktop.
If somebody finds the half minute installation of Desktop OK
too much hassle, there ARE ways to reduce the number of icons.
Make some desktop folders, for example Tools, Music, Recipes
and so on. Then drag all related icons into those folders.
That will reduce the number of loose icons very quickly.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends,
a college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and shovel for?"
one of his friends asked.
"That is the talking clock", the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch", the man said then proceeded to give the gong
an ear shattering whack with the shovel.
Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the
wall: "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It's two fourty five
in the morning!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hydrogen Peroxide and Baking Soda Deodorant
I have been keeping a bowl and mixing hydrogen peroxide
and baking soda and using it as deodorant. I have never
been fresher. Mix a small amount into a paste. I buy the
value size on both at Sam's Club. I am at seven months
and might get a year out if it. I used to use a deodorant
costing 5.99 every two weeks.
By Stevebasso [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "Bobby just borrowed it. He wants to scare his
parents."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
had been misbehaving and was sent to bed.
After a while emerged and informed mother
that had thought it over and then said a
prayer.
"Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to
help you about your misbehaving, He will help you."
"Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said
. "I asked Him to help me not to get
caught quite so much."
____________________________________________________

A massive bridge
building machine. Those are some brave men that work around that machine.

Today, October 21, in
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor.
1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of Spain.
The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet.
1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris.
1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out.
1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during WWI
near Nancy, France.
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY.
1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had fined
29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.
1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops.
1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first time.
1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet.
1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New York.
The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright.
1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC, in
opposition to the Vietnam War.
1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there.
1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The action
was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five American diplomats.
1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was released
after nearly five years of being imprisoned.
1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring North
Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to inspections.
2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions.
2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's offer
of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the communist
nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons program.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida couple, who prolonged police standoff to have sex
'one last time'.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 20, in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
You can pretend to be serious;
you can't pretend to be witty.
--- Sacha Guitry (1885 - 1957)
Only two of my personalities are schizophrenic,
but one of them is paranoid
and the other one is out to get her.
--- Hillary
"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking
at girls and persuade themselves they have a better
idea."
--- John Ciardi
"Modern Art" ? Isn't that an oxymoron like "Dry Water",
which, according to people in the military is like
"Military Intelligence" ?
"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty
scarce."
--- Mark Twain
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Mother: "How's your history paper coming?"
Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use
the Internet for research and it's been very helpful."
Mother: "Really?"
Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell
history papers on that topic!"
______________________________________________________
A lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
While she was waiting for her date, she wanted to make
sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in
her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she
accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter
walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced,
knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to
the waiter and demands "Stop That!"
The waiter looks at her dryly and says
"Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ryan Patrick Bautista, 34,
Leanne Hunn, 30, ,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Couple Prolongs Police Standoff To Have Sex
'One Last Time'
Ryan Patrick Bautista, 34, and Leanne Hunn, 30, allegedly
refused to surrender to police until they could have sex
together one last time.
A standoff began Wednesday night when Jacksonville Sheriffs
responded to a call about Michael Forte, 34, who was wanted
on several warrants including armed burglary,
FirstCoastNews.com reports.
A Jacksonville Sheriffs Office spokeswoman said deputies
were also looking for Bautista, who also had several
warrants, including armed burglary.
Bautista and Hunn reacted to the police visit by
barricading themselves inside a mobile home and refusing
to leave for more than six hours, according to
News4Jax.com.
Three other adults were inside the home at the time police
arrived, but one woman was allowed to leave a short time
later.
Police said Hunn and Bautista detained another woman by
dragging her to a back bedroom where she was held down,
according to the website.
That woman was eventually allowed to leave, but Hunn and
Bautista refused to exit the mobile home. Hostage
negotiators were called to the scene and attempted to
communicate with the couple via phone and bullhorns,
according to Jacksonville.com.
At some point during the standoff, Hunn told police she
would give herself up but not until she had sex with
Bautista “one last time,” according to the website.
Hunn never did come out on her own. Eventually, officers
broke into the mobile home and arrested the couple.
Bautista and Hunn were arrested and charged with resisting
police and false imprisonment, according to CBS News. They
are currently in the Duval County Jail.
The couple apparently had an audience for their "last time"
lovemaking session.
Turns out Forte, the subject of the original phone tip, was
also in the mobile home.
Forte was arrested and charged with possession of a weapon
by a convicted felon, armed robbery, and murder, according
to Inside Edition.
Forte is currently being held in the Duval County jail on
charges of murder, armed robbery with a firearm or other
deadly weapon and possession of a weapon by a felon,
according to jail records.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Annalisa
Re: Desktop messed up
Dear Webby
Windoze has done it AGAIN. Totally screwed up my perfectly
organized desktop and just moved all icons in one disorganized
pile on the left side, while I was not even near the computer.
When I saw that, this prim and proper lady used some VERY foul
language!
What have you got to keep me from cussing like that?
Annalisa
Dear Annalisa
I got an add-on that installed itself into the right-click
menu for saving or restoring the desktop. Unfortunately, I
got that probably half a dozen years ago and have long
forgotten where I got it from.
Try right-clicking the desktop and see if you have that
add-on.
In case you don't have that, I searched for an alternative.
I tested it, and it is clean and works well.
Go to Desktop OK and
Download the program at Desktop OK Program
You have to unzip it and then run it.
Don't get flustered by the many options in it! Just look
at the Auto-Save, tell it to save 32 back-ups, and to
save when Windows shuts down.
Saving every 15 minutes is available, but in my opinion
not a good idea. That could possibly save right after
Windows messes up your desktop.
If you have time and inclination, you can play with the
ton of options in there, but it works fine as is.
If it looks like it disappeared, click the double upwards
arrows in the right bottom, beside the W10 nagger. That
shows you programs, that are running in the background.
One of them is a white mini desktop with some colored
dots in it. That's Desktop OK.
If you want to restore the desktop, you can select which
saved version you want.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A preacher wanted to mail a letter home when he
arrived in this small town where he was to to preach a
sermon. He asked a young boy where the post office
was. When the boy told him, he thanked him and said,
"If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening,
you can hear me telling everyone how to get to
Heaven."
"Huh! the boy huffed, "You don't even know your way to
the post office."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Shower Curtain Rings as Hangers
Each time you buy a new shower curtain it comes with a new
set of curtain rings which are not always needed. You can
use these in your wardrobe to save space by hooking them
onto a clothes hanger.
You can then hang vests, ties belts and scarves from the
rings
By ShirleyE [26]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A kid walked up to a guy wearing a 10-gallon hat,
leather vest, leather chaps, and sneakers. The kid
asked him, "Mr. Cowboy, why do you wear that big hat?"
The cowboy replied, "Well, son, the big hat protects
me from hot sun and driving rain, and at night I put
it over my face when I sleep on the range, so it
protects me then, too."
"Why do you wear that leather vest?"
"It also helps to keep the weather off me, and it has
pockets where I can keep my cigarettes and matches."
"Well, why do you wear leather chaps?"
"They protect my legs when I'm riding my horse through
rough bushes."
"Well, Mr. Cowboy," the kid finally asked,
"Why do you wear sneakers instead of cowboy boots ?"
"That's so people won't think I'm a truck driver."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
This one is a classic, but good enough to see again:
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whispered,
"Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk
to a youngster the boss asked,
"Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise
of the boss, the small voice whispered,
"No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes",
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child
would be left home alone, the boss decided he would
just leave a message with the person who should be
there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked
the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked
"May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the
whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the
phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now
alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper in the sandbox!"
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little
frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a
muffled giggle:
"They're looking for me."
____________________________________________________

Large-scale land art by
Stan Herd, known as the "Father of Crop Art."

Today, October 20, in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI.
1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of America’s
colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all citizens of the
colonies "discountenance and discourage all horse racing and
all kinds of gaming, cock fighting, exhibitions of shows, plays
and other expensive diversions and entertainment."
1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase.
1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary between
the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel.
1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War for
Independence.
1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman Phineus
T. (P.T.) Barnum.
1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S. concerning a
' dispute over the boundary between Canada and the District of
Alaska.
1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World Series
game for the first time.
1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist
Headquarters.
1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve
in Germany.
1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines.
1944 During World War II, the Yugoslav cities of Belgrade and
Dubrovnik were liberated.
1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry.
1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya.
1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis.
1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated.
1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry to limit
the violence in their programs.
1994 The website WhiteHouse.gov was launched.
1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that banned
atomic blasts in the South Pacific.
2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without safety
devices and survived. He was charged with illegally performing
a stunt.
2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Knife-wielding punk, who burst into library to
kill kids. A 75-year-old army vet took him down.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 19, in
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It
was to be the last major battle of the American
Revolutionary War.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Television has proved that people will look at anything
rather than each other.
--- Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)
Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
--- Ovid (43 BC - 17 AD)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher
knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if
anything was wrong.
The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his
dad told him that he needed to go to church.
The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if
his dad had explained to him why it was more important to
go to church than to go fishing.
The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have
enough bait for both of us."
______________________________________________________
A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for this picture:
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award has been earned by
Dustin Brown,
19,
Morton,
Illinois
Knife-wielding punk bursts into library to
kill kids. A 75-year-old army vet took him down.
James Vernon, a 75-year-old veteran, took matters into his
own hands when he found himself face-to-face with a man who
was determined to shed some blood.
Vernon and 16 parents and children were in a conference room
at the Morton Public Library Tuesday when Dustin Brown, 19,
entered and declared he was going to kill some people,
according to the Pekin (Illinois) Daily Times.
Brown had more than one knife and Vernon knew he had to do
something fast to prevent a tragedy from happening.
The elderly vet stepped in between Brown and the others,
giving them a cue to leave the room.
Vernon then relied on his knife training from 50 years ago
to help him handle Brown.
“He actually ran into the room yelling, ‘I’m going to kill
some people!’ Vernon said.
Vernon said the knives Brown had looked like hunting knives
with fixed blades about five inches long.
“I tried to talk to him. I tried to settle him down,” Vernon
said. “I asked him if he was from Morton, did he go to high
school. I asked what his problem was. He said his life sucks.
That’s a quote.”
While talking to Brown, Vernon noticed he was right-handed
and expected he would strike with that hand first. Vernon
knew to block with his left hand.
Vernon was successful in stopping Brown from killing anyone
but he didn’t walk away without an injury. Brown slashed two
arteries and a tendon on Vernon’s left hand as he blocked
Brown’s knife.
Despite the injury, Vernon took down and subdued Brown until
the police arrived.
Brown was held on $800,000 bond on charges of attempted murder,
armed violence, aggravated battery to a person over 60 and
burglary.
Brown had been free on bond facing child pornography charges.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Leona
Re: How do I organize Chrome bookmarks?
Dear Webby
I want to organize my Chrome Bookmarks, and save them to
a camera chip. How do I do that?
Leona
Dear Leona
In the upper right corner of the browser toolbar, click the
Chrome menu (The three horizontal bars).
Click Bookmarks > Bookmark Manager.
Browse to the folder where you want to alphabetize your
bookmarks.
Above your bookmarks, click Organize.
Click Reorder by Title. Now when you open the Chrome menu
and click Bookmarks, you’ll see your bookmarks listed in
alphabetical order.
To create a bookmark folder
In the upper right corner of the browser toolbar, click the
Chrome menu.
Click Bookmarks > Bookmark Manager.
On the left side of the page, click the Folders drop-down arrow.
Click Add Folder, then name your folder.
Drag any bookmarks into your folder.
Shift-click to pick more than one item.
To Export bookmarks, open the Bookmarks manager as above.
Select a folder on the left
Clik on Organize on top
At the bottom of that you see: Export bookmarks.
That exports the selected folder, for example your Prayers
folder, but not your hubby's warm-up bookmarks folder.
Just export the folders you want, and ignore the rest.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
"A fossil is an extinct animal.
The older it is, the more it stinkts."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Bacon in One Piece
I don't know how many times I've tried different ways to
get one piece of bacon out of the package and into the pan
flat, not ripped not torn but flat. Work a fork under one
side or the other of the bottom piece of bacon in the
package, you then begin to roll the fork into the direction
of the other end of the piece of bacon. Effectively, you
are rolling up a piece of bacon onto the fork. When you put
it in the pan, you place edge side down. Unroll it into the
pan off the fork.
By Deborah S. [12]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it
to do over again.
"Sure," she replied, "but definitely not the same
ones."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to
discuss their home lives, one said,
"Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've
been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds."
"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend.
"Oh, No! I can't." the first replied, "I need to lose
at least another fifteen pounds first."
____________________________________________________

What a marvelous idea.
A preschool housed inside a retirement home.

Today, October 19, in
1765 In the U.S., The Stamp Act Congress met and drew up a
declaration of rights and liberties.
1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It
was to be the last major battle of the American
Revolutionary War.
1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their return
out of Russia after a month of chasing the retreating
Russian army.
1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC.
1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control.
1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee.
1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be allowed
into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service (WAVES).
1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean capital
of Pyongyang.
1951 U.S. President Truman signed an act officially ending the
state of war with Germany.
1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products.
1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-Vietnam
War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs."
1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City.
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional amendment
that barred the desecration of the American flag.
1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of Pakistan.
1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing license
back after he had lost it for biting Evander Holyfield's ear
during a fight.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the banks of
the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44 days. Blaine
had entered the box on September 5.
2009 The international version of Amazon's Kindle 2 was released.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Armed robber in Charleston Waffle House,
who was shot and killed by a customer.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 18, in
1469 - Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile.
The marriage united all the dominions of Spain.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The great god Ra whose shrine once covered acres
Is filler now for crossword-puzzle makers.
--- Keith Preston
All generalizations are dangerous, even this one.
--- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870)
"Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can'tbe done and why.
Then do it."
--- Robert Heinlein (1907-1988)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it ain't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
______________________________________________________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
AND a Darwin Award has been earned by
Joshua Jermaine Davis,
19
Charleston,
S.C.
Armed robber in Charleston Waffle House
was shot and killed.
A customer at a Waffle House in Charleston, S.C. opened
fire on a would-be robber and killed him early Saturday
morning —and will not be charged for the shooting,
police said.
“No one was hurt, which is the best part,” Waffle House
division manager Brandon Rogers told the Post and Courier.
“No one was injured — besides the robber.”
A Waffle House employee told the paper: “He saved us.”
The robber, 19-year-old Joshua Jermaine Davis, entered the
restaurant shortly after 5 a.m., police said. By the time
officers arrived, he had been shot. He died later in
hospital, WCSC reported.
Davis' Facebook page has several pictures of him posing with
a handgun. Four days before the shooting, he posted a picture
of what appears to be a police car and wrote, "We see Ya n----."
The unidentified man who shot Davis had a permit to carry his
pistol, police said.
As the Waffle House manager noted, no one was injured in the
shooting except Davis. The restaurant manager said Davis did
not get away with anything, and the restaurant saw only minor
damage from broken glass.
The store was open as usual on Sunday, with an employee telling
the Daily News the staff is moving on “as best we can.”
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Leona
Re: How do I organize Chrome bookmarks?
Dear Webby
I want to organize my Chrome Bookmarks, and save them to
a camera chip. How do I do that?
Leona
Dear Leona
In the upper right corner of the browser toolbar, click the
Chrome menu (The three horizontal bars).
Click Bookmarks > Bookmark Manager.
Browse to the folder where you want to alphabetize your
bookmarks.
Above your bookmarks, click Organize.
Click Reorder by Title. Now when you open the Chrome menu
and click Bookmarks, you’ll see your bookmarks listed in
alphabetical order.
To create a bookmark folder
In the upper right corner of the browser toolbar, click the
Chrome menu.
Click Bookmarks > Bookmark Manager.
On the left side of the page, click the Folders drop-down arrow.
Click Add Folder, then name your folder.
Drag any bookmarks into your folder.
Shift-click to pick more than one item.
To Export bookmarks, open the Bookmarks manager as above.
Select a folder on the left
Clik on Organize on top
At the bottom of that you see: Export bookmarks.
That exports the selected folder, for example your Prayers
folder, but not your hubby's warm-up bookmarks folder.
Just export the folders you want, and ignore the rest.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A mother was telling her little girl what her own
childhood was like.
"We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made
from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We
rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last
she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing your Web Page Favorites
I recently lost my laptop to a virus (be careful clicking
on those cute videos) and it was more costly to recover
than to purchase a new one. Fortunately, they were able
to save my data. I had a bad habit of saving to "favorites"
without catergorizing. Then when I wanted an article, I had
to search the whole list to find it.
When I set up my new computer, I made folders in "favorites".
When I save items I want to review later, I put them
immediately in their proper folder such as; crafts, crochet
projects, recipes, menus, etc. No need to search the whole
list now, just go to the particular folder you want. It is
so much easier to use, faster and keeps things where you
can find them.
By HerkDia [32]
I hope she learned her lesson and got McAfee
and MalwareeBytes for the new machine.
They would have been able to prevent the infection, and save
the cost of a new machine. I am amzed at how many people
rely on the Easter Bunny or good luck to shield them from
malware.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender
(with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the
houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the
bill."
So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill
for $57.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then
throws him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and
once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy
everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and
gimme the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself
that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same
trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt,
pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink
himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up,
beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him
out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar
and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone
in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill."
In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me
this time?"
The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent
when you drink."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
A little dwarf lady goes into her doctor's office
complaining of an irritated crotch. After an examination
the doctor sighs, "I don't seem to see any problem. Does
it get better or worse at any time?"
"Yeah, it's really bad whenever it rains," she replies.
"Well, then," says the Doc, "Next time it rains, get in
here at once, and we'll take another look at it."
Two weeks later its raining really hard, and the little
lady shows up at the doctor's office.
"Doctor, it's really bad today. Please, you have to help
me!!"
"Well, let's have a look," he says as he lifts her up
onto the table.
"Oh, yes, I think I see the problem. Nurse bring me a
surgical kit. Don't worry ma'am this won't hurt a bit."
The dwarf lady closes her eyes in painful anticipation.
The doctor begins snipping away and finishes a few
minutes later.
"There you go, ma'am, try that."
She walks back and forth around the office and exclaims,
"That's great, Doc, what did you do?!"
To which the doctor replied,
"I just took a couple of inches off the top of your rain
boots."
____________________________________________________

Great dinner entertainment.

Today, October 17, in
1469 - Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile.
The marriage united all the dominions of Spain.
1685 - King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant
population.
1767 - The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the
boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania.
1842 - Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph cable.
1860 - British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War.
1867 - The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars
(2 cents per acre).
1892 - The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened.
1898 - The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from Spain.
1929 - The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled
that women were to be considered as persons in Canada.
1944 - Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during WWII.
1956 - NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of
radio-equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks.
1958 - The first computer-arranged marriage took place on
Art Linkletter's show.
1961 - Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's
Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that the
painting had been hanging upside down.
1969 - The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to
evidence that they caused cancer.
1970 - Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death
after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec Liberation
Front (FLQ).
1983 - General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission.
1989 - The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission that
included the deployment of the Galileo space probe.
1990 - Iraq made an offer to the world that it would sell oil for
$21 a barrel. The price level was the same as it had been before
the invasion of Kuwait.
2013 - Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat on
the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the seat Dec 6.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman arrested for shoplifting dresses
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 17, in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY.
It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates,
and the glare that obscures
--- James Thurber (1894 - 1961)
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare;
it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.
--- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)
The shortest and surest way to live with honor in the
world is to be in reality what we would appear to be.
--- Socrates
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for
Valentine's Day. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought
she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars."
"She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world I was
a fake Jeep going to find!"
______________________________________________________
Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense
thing is no myth. Women usually seem to know what's
going on in their man's lives almost better than they
do themselves. Why is this?
They empty his pockets before throwing his laundry into
the washing machine.
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Aree Riveros,
58,
Tampa,
Florida.
Florida woman arrested for shoplifting dresses
A woman caught stealing a pair of Calvin Klein dresses and
a Michael Kors jacket told cops that she swiped the fancy
threads because she “needed something to wear to her son’s
High School Football Banquet,” according to a police report.
Despite that explanation, Aree Riveros, 58, was still
arrested on a felony theft charge for allegedly boosting
the garments Saturday from a Macy’s in Clearwater, Florida.
The clothing, valued at $428, was found in Riveros’s purse
after she was confronted by security upon exiting the store.
Riveros, pictured above, is free on $2000 bond.
An arrest affidavit does not explain why the Tampa resident
needed two dresses for her son’s gridiron banquet
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Elaine
Re: How do I make partitions?
Dear Webby
I agree that partitions would be really helpful in
sorting out the mess. The braindead mess on C: is
a real nuisance. So, how do I do it?
Elaine
Dear Elaine
I use Partition Wizard.
There are other partitioning softwares, but I have used
PartitionWizard for decades and never had a problem.
They have a free version that does probably way more than
what you plan to to.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year
old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had
left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little
girl picked it up and began playing with it.
"Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter
wants to follow in my footsteps!"
Then, with all the earnestness of a Social Sciences major
the child spoke into the instrument,
"Wowcome to McDonald's. Do ya want fwies wif that?"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Egg Carton Gardening
Egg cartons are a great biodegradable way to do seed-start
gardening. Simply cut off the sides and lid from your carton.
Place the cut lid under the carton base to catch leaking water.
Fill the holes three-quarters full with potting soil. Place
your seeds in the soil then cover them with a thin layer of
the potting soil. Mist as needed to germinate. If you're using
a different type of egg container, such as plastic, which
doesn't drain, just punch a tiny hole in the bottom of each
egg bed.
By attosa [128]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Money
It can buy a House...............But not a Home
It can buy a Bed.................But not Sleep
It can buy a Clock...............But not Time
It can buy you a Book............But not knowledge
It can buy you a Position........But not Respect
It can buy you Medicine..........But not Health
It can buy you Blood.............But not Life
It can buy you Sex...............But not Love
So you see money isn't everything.
And it often causes pain and suffering.
I tell you all this because I am your Friend,
and as your Friend I want to take away your pain
and suffering.
So send me all your money,
and I will suffer for you.
PayPal or check only, please.
Thought this was gonna be one of those
"inspirational" ones, didn't you ?
However, if you do feel inspired,
I sure would appreciate it if you hit the PayPal button!
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the
tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, it's afternoon coffee time.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday.
If it is Coast Guard, it's two before supper.
If it is a Cessna, it's 3 hours to happy hour."
The reply was:
"It's a Piper. Where the heck am I?"
____________________________________________________

Artist adds surreal twist
to photos on Instagram

Today, October 17, in
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II
so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and
deserted young children" in Londond, England.
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY.
It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War.
1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands.
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939.
1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany.
1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires.
1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC)
began an oil-embargo against several countries including the
U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western
support of Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on
October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974.
1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full
U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis.
1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the
San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about
67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion.
1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty.
1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty
that ended their 19 years of civil war.
1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid
to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in Bolivia.
2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th victory
as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck to become the
record holder for career victories.
2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian
faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to avenge
the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier.
2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of troop
movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir. India said
that the movements were part of a normal troop rotation.
2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by the
terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8, 2002.
2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a drug,
known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's symptoms.
2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-foot-tall-
building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open for
business in 2004.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you Gloria !!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Man arrested and wheeled to jail for wheelchair DUI
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 16, in
1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Go, and never darken my towels again.
--- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.
--- Lynda Barry
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The lawyer emailed his client overseas:
"Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you
want us to order burial or cremation ?"
Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both,
but not in that order."
______________________________________________________
The cowboy who was preparing the horses for the
tourists asked a lady she wanted a Western or an
English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and the other one didn't.
She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't
expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ronny Scott Hicks,
54,
Palm bay
Florida
Florida Man arrested and wheeled to jail
for wheelchair DUI
Ronny Scott Hicks has two prior DUI convictions, but his
arrest on Monday night was slightly more memorable.
The 54-year-old Florida man was arrested Monday night after
police in Palm Bay got reports of a man in a motorized
wheelchair blocking traffic, according to ClickOrlando.com.
Hicks has two previous DUI convictions, neither while driving
a wheelchair, according to officials.
When officers arrived on the scene, they allegedly saw Hicks
sitting in his wheelchair blocking traffic. Officers said he
smelled of alcohol and was slurring his words, according to
WBRZ.com.
Hicks allegedly refused to take a breathalyzer test, according
to WTSP.com. He was taken into custody, refused treatment
for an open wound, and remains behind bars at the Brevard County
Jail on $5,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: CyberGrannie
Re: Partitions
Dear Webby
I have a HP laptop with w7 and it has 4 "partitions" or
rather that is what it looks like.
This is what it looks like:
8 GB ram
Hard disk drives 4:
C: 275GB
D: 298GB
F (recovery) 21.9Gb
G: (HP tools) 99.3MB
It seems these are not partitions so I cannot combine
Disk 1 (C drive) and disk 2 (D drive)
This seems so ridiculous. Do you know of any way that I
can combine these 2 "disks"?
This laptop was just restored to original state (with 2
original disks).
Dear CyberGrannie
That looks OK.
Why combine them?
By the way, D: might be a removable "drive" like DVD.
Just use them as they are.
You would not gain anything by combining them anyway.
For example, I have always used my E: drive for tools
and programs, and my F: drive for data, that I have produced.
Having extra drives or partitions allows you to have short
destination, like for example E:\Alpha\Eudora
instead of having my email program buried deep down in the
wacky chaos on C:
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Arthur came home after a late-night poker game and was
greeted by Sandra, his nagging, sourpussed wife.
"And just where have you been all night?," sandra
screeched at him.
"Playing cards," says Arthur, "but that's not
important. What matters is that I lost you to Bubba
Smith."
"Lost me!!" Sandra screamed, "How did you manage that?"
"It was a heartbreaker," Michael admitted.
"I had to fold with a royal flush."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dieter's Chocolate Mousse
This is very simple. No cooking and you can make it the
strength or quantity you desire. Just take natural Greek
style yoghurt, or any other non flavored yoghurt. Add
cooking style cocoa powder. This has no added sugars at
all. You can also add vanilla.
Simply mix it up in whatever strength you want. You do
have to mix thoroughly because the cocoa powder seems
to sit on the surface. You can make it a strong or weak
chocolaty taste, getting your "chocolate fix" without
the guilt. If it is a bit strong, you can always add
a few drops of pure vanilla essence. That's it, simple!
Approximate Time: INSTANTLY
Yield: WHATEVER YOU MIX UP.
Source: NO. MY OWN CONCOCTION.
I HAVE NO IMAGE BECAUSE THE IMAGE IS WHAT IT IS.
By Trixie Pettman-South [2]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited
her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant
for the first time.
He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the
server brought it, the children became quiet as she
began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a
small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass,
her six-year-old piped up,
"Mom usually drinks a LOT more than that!"
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
Noella's brother has just returned from a visit to Israel
and reported to her this about elevators in Israel:
Apparently Shabat is the Sabbath and in some cities, it is
observed faithfully. On that day, the elevators are set to
stop at every floor so no one has to "work" and press a
button.
Usually there is one elevator that is still and does not run
except for opening and closing doors. The doors stay closed
for 7 minutes and then open - while the elevator doesn't move.
One never knows which elevator is the Shabat elevator. So
people will get on it accidentally, the doors close and 7
minutes go by. The door opens, everyone gets off and the
elevator fills up with new people. Meanwhile the people
who just got off are trying to tell the new ones - don't
get on, it won't go anywhere. But of course no one listens,
so the process starts all over and continues all day long!
____________________________________________________

I never knew there was a
real little girl behind Alice in Wonderland that had to
do all the motions as well as the voice.

Today, October 16, in
1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason.
1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America opened.
The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2 a day
and included four meals.
1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry, VA
(now located in West Virginia).
1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to install
indoor plumbing.
1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in
New York City, NY.
1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute
the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start of
the Disney Company.
1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb.
1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow. Romanians
entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating 150,000 Jews.
1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened
1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers.
1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were missile
bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis.
1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the world's
fifth nuclear power.
1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels.
1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed
Gamal Abdel Nassar.
1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of the
Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the award.
1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a ballistic
missile from a submarine.
1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well
that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. The was trapped for 58 hours.
1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of U.S.
warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase pressure
on the controlling military leaders.
2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying Texaco Inc.
for $35 billion. The combined company was called Chevron Texaco
Corp. and became the 4th largest oil company in the world.
2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S. that it
had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation of a 1994
agreement with the U.S.
2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to five
years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a federeal
investigation of the energy company Enron.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television
episodes sold.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
S.C. man who battered wife after
she posted his bail.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 15, in
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential
candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would
look better if he would grow a beard.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I believe that people would be alive today if
there were a death penalty.
--- Nancy Reagan (1921 - )
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
--- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming
their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example:
USA uses USS which means "United States Ship."
The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship."
and now...Italy is using AMB which apparently means
"At's-a My Boat!"
______________________________________________________
was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked
"Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work."
looked inside and was amused to see an electric
can opener.
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Robert Christian Chandler,
30,
Myrtle Beach
South Carolina
Bonehead battered wife after
she posted his bail
Moments after his wife bailed him out of jail today, a
South Carolina man punched the woman in the face as
the pair walked out the police department’s front
door, according to an arrest report.
Robert Christian Chandler, 30, was freed from the
Myrtle Beach jail around midnight after his spouse
posted $262 bond. But Chandler, who had been locked
up on a disorderly conduct charge, did not appear
grateful for his release.
“What are you doing here, ho?” Chandler asked his
wife multiple times, cops reported. A surveillance
camera in the police department’s lobby recorded Chandler
“grabbing the victim aggressively” as they walked toward
the front door.
Upon exiting police headquarters, Chandler punched his
wife in the face, according to a police dispatch supervisor
who witnessed the attack. Video shows the woman “hitting
the wall outside the doors,” while the supervisor can be
heard saying, “He just hit her.”
The 30-year-old victim had cuts on her right arm and her
nose was swollen, police noted. While acknowledging that
Chandler “grabbed and shoved her,” she said that she did
not want him “in any more trouble as she just bailed him
out of jail.”
Chandler, seen above, was arrested at the police station
and returned to jail, this time for misdemeanor domestic
violence.
However, the unemployed Chandler only spent about ten
hours in custody before he was released from the lockup
on a $2130 personal recognizance bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Cora
Re: Windows 10 nagger
Dear Webby
Good Morning Webby,
Have been getting pop ups to get Windows 10 installed.
What are your thoughts about it now? What bothers
me is.....if I get it installed and donâ€™t like
it then what?
Really undecided on this. Any help you can give please.
Cora
Dear Cora
Neither your machine nor you are ready for Windows 10.
It is just a scam to get you to buy a new computer.
There IS a secret way to go back, theoretically,
but it is apparently neither easy nor totally complete.
IF and when your current machine dies of old age
and you HAVE to replace it, by then the new machines
will probably have Windows 11 or 12 on them.
It is not a good idea to volunteer to become a
guinea pig on a x.0 version.
At the very least, wait until 10.1 or 10.2
Also keep in mind, would you buy a detergent or soap
if you were pestered with rude naggers like they do
with Windows 10,
or would you tell them where to stuff their soap ?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your
best friend is a terrible thing to do!"
"He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at
him."
The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at
you, you should have come to me."
The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done?
You can't hit a garbage can from two feet away!
My aim is much better than yours!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Muffin in a Minute (Microwave)
This is a recipe that can be varied to your taste.
It is healthy, fast and will never get boring.
Approximate Time: Less than 5 minutes
Yield: 1 muffin
Ingredients:
1/4 cup flaxseed meal (can grind the flaxseeds yourself,
if you prefer)
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 Tbsp Splenda (optional)
1 egg
Steps:
Get the cup and put the flaxseed meal in.
Add the baking powder.
Add the cinnamon.
Add the Splenda, if using.
Add the egg.
Mix everything together.
Cook for a minute in the microwave.
Turn it out on a plate. If it looks too wet,
let it sit for a minute or two. Mine was fine.
You can add blueberries or other fruit.
You can also put in a tablespoon of cream
cheese before cooking.
Store the flaxseed meal in the freezer to keep longer.
Nutritional Value for Plain Muffin: Calories: 195,
Fat: 9 grams, Protein: 12 grams,
Carbs: 9 grams (net carbs 1 gram),
Fiber: 8 grams, Sugars: 0 grams
Source: Pantry Challenge Yahoo Group
By Judy Pariser S. [35]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and
the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence
with a direct object.
Little Johnny stood and thought, then said,
"Teacher, I think you have lost weight."
"Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said,
blushing. "But what is the direct object?"
"A good report card next month," he replied.
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated
father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room
without supper. But my son has his own TV, phone,
computer and DVD player.
"So what do you do?" asked his friend.
"I send him to MY room!"
____________________________________________________

Leaky concrete. Hire the right people
if you want a complicated job done. I can't imagine that helicopter pilot having that level of control.

Today, October 15, in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island of
St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean.
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential
candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would
look better if he would grow a beard.
1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in western
Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres were bought
from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre.
1937 "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was published
for the first time.
1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was executed
for treason.
1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of the
Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his scheduled
execution.
1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev had
been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N. Kosygin.
1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them down
in Beirut International Airport.
1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed.
1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings,
surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850 career
points.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.
1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the
land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than
the speed of sound.
1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back
pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing.
1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba
for the seventh year in a row.
2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida DUI suspect arrested after she broadcast
her wild ride on Periscope.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 14, in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of England.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects.
--- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972)
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too
old to set a bad example.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Nobody knows the age of the human race,
but everybody agrees that it is
old enough to know better.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and
wrinkled, they don't recognize you.
______________________________________________________
While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room
of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his
full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name
had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon
seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was
too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my
teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.
"Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955."
"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely and then asked,
"What did you teach?"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Whitney Beall,
23,
Lakeland,
Florida
DUI suspect arrested after she broadcast
her wild ride on Periscope
Drinking and driving don't mix, but it's an especially
dangerous cocktail when you're live streaming your wild
ride on Periscope.
Police in Lakeland, Florida, arrested 23-year-old Whitney
Beall Friday night after receiving 911 calls from Periscope
viewers reporting that a drunken driver was using the app
to broadcast herself, according to WFTV.com.
Periscope is an app owned by Twitter that lets people
livestream events over social media.
Police said Beall told viewers she was "drunk," F---ing drunk,"
and didn't know where she was. At one point, she said had a
flat tire, according to Fox13.com.
Thanks to numerous 911 calls, officers were able to track down
her Toyota Corolla.
Although Lakeland Police officers are not authorized to use
Periscope, one of the officers added the app to his own phone
in order to track the suspect, according to WTSP.com.
When the officers initiated a traffic stop, Beall hit a curb,
according to WFTV.com
"I really hope I don't get a DUI," she allegedly said seconds
before hitting a sign in the median, a moment captured on video.
When Beall was finally apprehended, officers said she smelled
of booze, spoke slowly and had bloodshot, glossy eyes,
according to TBO.com.
Police said Beall failed a sobriety test and refused a breath
test to determine her blood-alcohol level. The suspect was
booked into the Polk County Jail on DUI charges.
She was released Saturday on a $500 bond, according to
jail records.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: PDF reader
Dear Webby
I hope all is well by you. I have heard some good things
about Nitro PDF reader. I wanted to know if you heard
anything about it.
Dave
Hi Dave
Yes, I have written favorably about it, and have used Nitro
for many years.
It is quite OK.
Using it to fill forms takes a bit of experimenting.
You almost have to read the instructions!
Once you get used to it, though, it works quite well.
Scan your signature and save it as a jpg or pnp file.
Then you can even insert your signature onto a form,
and then fax it, without ever using up any of YOUR paper.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the
Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The
conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was
telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a
spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke
said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!"
So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to
admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around
the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart,
with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and
blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome..
The Queen turned a bit red and said,
"Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!"
"Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had
thought it was the horse!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick Bread from Dumpling Mix
I ran out of bread today, so I tried making up two packets
of dumpling mix into a loaf. It came out light and aerated.
The texture looked a little rubbery, so I sliced and toasted
it. The crust was a bit brittle and tended to flake off when
slicing.
It tasted really nice toasted. I am thinking of experimenting
with rolls next time. The mix that I used required only water
to be added, so possibly a good option for an emergency
food kit.
By Verity Pink [38]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Mrs. Trent, seated in her living room, heard the back
door slam. Thinking it was her young son, she called,
"I'm in here, darling. I've been waiting for you."
There was no answer for a moment and then a strange
voice faltered,
"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but I ain't your regular milkman."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a
bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles.
The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing?
Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful
liquid in the world."
The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most
powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you
put Holy Water on your forehead every day, bad thoughts
will pass away."
Little Johnny said, "Big deal! This is TURPENTINE!
If you put this on a cat's butt,
he'll pass a Harley Davidson, maybe even a Kawasaki!"
____________________________________________________

Leaky concrete. This is amazing!

Today, October 14, in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of England.
1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands
for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile.
1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an agreement
for the international marketing rights for the phonograph.
1888 In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental film
"Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving motion picture.
1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in Milwaukee, WI.
Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not serious and he continued
with his planned speech. William Schrenk was captured at the scene
of the shooting.
1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane speed
record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour.
1930 Ethel Merman debuted on Broadway in "Girl Crazy."
1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from the
League of Nations.
1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide rather
than face execution after being accused of conspiring against
Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow.
1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade
liberated the city of Athens.
1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck
Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first American
to break the sound barrier.
1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton Heston,
began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of 25,000 people.
1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first suggested
the idea of a Peace Corps.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day that U.S.
intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered Soviet
medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22 U.S.
President John F. Kennedy announced that he had ordered the
naval "quarantine" of Cuba.
1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S. spacecraft
was transmitted from Apollo 7.
1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the death
of President Nasser.
1972 In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north of Kirkuk.
1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned well in
Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours.
2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant politicians
of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole responsibility for running
Northern Ireland.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 13
A couple of days ago I noticed that my new neighbors in the
East had a huge pile of oversize garbage bags filled with
leaves, and their lawns were already getting covered with
leaves again and looking just like mine.
I looked at the sky and noticed the beginnings of an arch.
That is a sign of an impending Chinook. (Stormy wind from
the West, 40 gusting to 65, sometimes higher).
On today's walk I noticed that my lawn was clean. No leaves.
My neighbor's lawn had the truckload of bagged leaves gone,
and their lawns were covered with leaves again.
It helps to have obstructions, like my row of Saskatoon
berries, in line with the wind.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
SC man, who was arrested after he called 911 To
Complain That His Girlfriend Will Not Have Sex With Him
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 11, in
1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. It was burned by angry Canucks in 1812. After that
the remains had to be scraped and whitewashed. The building became
known as the White House in 1818. After that the Americans walked
up to Canada and burned down York (Toronto).
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk
about other people.
--- Lucille S. Harper
There is no nonsense so arrant that it cannot be made the
creed of the vast majority by adequate governmental action.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
At Finnegan's wake, Katy Ryan remarked about the
corpse: 'Doesn't he look happy?'
'Yes,' said the widow Finnegan. 'He died in his sleep
and he doesn't know he's dead yet! In fact,' she went
on, 'if he wakes up in the morning the shock will kill
him!'
______________________________________________________
The following ad appeared in a newspaper.
Single Black Female Seeks Male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant.
Good looking girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup
truck.Hunting, Camping, Fishing trips. Cozy winter
nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners
will have me eating out of your hand.
Rub me the right way and watch me respond.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work,
wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm
yours.
Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.
(The phone number was the Dog Pound and Daisy
was an eight week old Black Labrador Retriever.)
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture:
Back Of Crescent
______________________________________________________

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Patrick Doggett,
53,
Spartanburg,
South Carolina
SC man arrested after he called 911 To
Complain That His Girlfriend Will Not Have Sex With Him
A South Carolina man called 911 early this morning to
complain that his girlfriend would not have sex with him,
according to an arrest report.
When a cop responded to his Spartanburg residence, Patrick
Doggett, 53, “stated he called 911 because his girlfriend,
Ms. Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass.”
Woodruff told police that Doggett had been drinking all day
and “didn’t know where he was at.” She added that Doggett
got into bed and wanted to have sex, but “she had her
grandchild with her.”
So, Woodruff noted, Doggett "got up and then dialed 911."
Doggett, who was outside the residence drinking an alcoholic
beverage when police arrived, was arrested for public
intoxication and booked into the county jail (where he
remains locked up this afternoon).
Pictured above, Doggett has not been cited for misusing the
911 system, according to jail records.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Many
Re: Font Color
From all the replies I gather that the problem is monitor
brightness.
I send the font color "Navy".
So does Ophelia.
Most people find that more readable and more relaxing than
black.
Now, get this:
Some people like the fonts "Black, as they are now."
Some people like the fonts "Blue, as they are now."
And the majority likes the fonts "Navy, as they are now."
That indicates to me that
1) Some people have their monitor set too dark, and they
see the Navy colored fonts as black.
2) Some people have their monitor set too bright, and they
see the Navy color as Blue.
3) That the majority have set the brightness optimally for
their eyes, and they see all the colors as intended.
I shudder to think how beautiful flowers or sunsets get
trashed, if the colors are shifted.
Turn the monitor brightness a tad, up or down, until my
fonts look "Navy".
Easier on the eyes, and colors are more natural.
Just use the font color to calibrate the overall
brightness.
You can do that with the buttons at the bottom of the monitor,
and with some monitors even from Windows.
Neil sent this link:
Calibrate" target="_blank" >http://windows.microsoft.com/is-IS/wind ... ;Calibrate colors from Windows
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man walks into an animal hospital with a gigantic
parrot and asks to have the bird's beak and talons and
wings trimmed. The owner warns the veterinarian's
assistant that the bird dislikes these procedures and
is apt to bite.
The assistant puts on thick gloves and cautiously opens
the cage. The parrot steps out, then looks at the
wary assistant.
"Don't worry," the parrot squawks. "I won't hurt you."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Egg Cloud Recipes
I love this recipe because it only has two ingredients and
turns into something deliciously elegant. With the high
prices on eggs these days, this is nice way to stretch your
money.
Approximate Time: 10
Yield: 3 clouds
Ingredients:
3 eggs
1/4 cup Parmesan cheese
Steps:
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking pan with
parchment paper. Separate your egg yolks from the whites.
Whip the egg whites at high speed for a few minutes until
stiff peaks form.
Fold in the Parmesan cheese. Divide the fluffy whites
into 3 cloud shapes on the baking sheet.
Using a spoon, hollow out a well on each cloud where you
will be dropping your egg yolk. [Later]
Bake egg white cloud for a few minutes. Remove from oven,
and drop an egg yolk into each cloud.
Bake another 3 minutes.
Enjoy your beautiful creation!
By attosa [125]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
How to build a camp fire
1. Split dead tree limb into fragments and shave one
fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make pyramid of slivers (include those embedded in
hand)
6. Light Match
7. Find a dry match and light it
8. Borrow a lighter and use it to light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow
gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out
searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled
"kerosene."
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Relabel can to read "gasoline."
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining
firewood.
16. Apologize for burning down all the tents and the outhouse
17. When thunder storm has passed, gather more
firewood and try again, applying lessons learned in
steps 1-15.
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
It may still be summer where you are, but in South
Carolina it's the season of the big fall mosquitos.
The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and
two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one
says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and
have a picnic."
The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down
there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."
____________________________________________________

What people in 1900 thought the year 2000 would look like.

Today, October 13, in
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet.
1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. It was burned by angry Canucks in 1812. After that
the remains had to be scraped and whitewashed. The building became
known as the White House in 1818.
1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of Queenstown
Heights. The British victory effectively ended an further U.S.
invasion of Canada.
1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by Henry
Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY.
1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution.
1943 During World War II, Italy changed sides, signed an
armistice with the Allies and declared war on their ally, Germany.
1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during World War II.
1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units landed
at Piraeus.
1951 In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was used for
the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State 25-7.
1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno.
1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford Edsel on
an hour long special.
1962 "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway.
1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak as the
new president one week after Anwar Sadat was assassinated.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow of
the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega.
1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and
one minute. No passengers, just lots of fuel.
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped underground in
San José Mine. The miners were rescued after 69 days underground.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Colorado burglar arrested in jail
after poopy shorts are analyzed a year later
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 11, in
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
--- Immanuel Kant (1724 - 1804)
Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible
to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything.
--- Charles Kuralt
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Clyde
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting
surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon,
perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak
to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember,
if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your
mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
______________________________________________________
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a
hospital. The patient has had major surgery to
both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically
holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told
me that I will be able to play the piano when these
bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet
music!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Rodney Mark Hendrix,
49,
Denver,
Colorado
Colorado burglar arrested in jail
after poopy shorts are analyzed a year later
It was the doo doo that did him in.
Rodney Mark Hendrix, 49, is accused of burglarizing a
Denver pre-school and church in August 2014 and was caught
due to a DNA test of a pair of poopy shorts left in a
bathroom at the crime scene.
A pre-school employee noticed the crap-stained clothes and put
them in a plastic bag before the police arrived, according to
the arrest affidavit.
The responding officer took the contaminated shorts into
evidence, but it took 13.5 months for them to worm their way
through the forensic labs, according to Lynn Kimbrough, a
spokesperson for the Denver District Attorney.
"In Colorado, a DNA sample is taken of anyone who is arrested
for a felony," Kimbrough told HuffPost. "So when they ran the
unknown sample, his DNA was already in the system."
Kimbrough didn't want to venture a guess as to what the poopy
shorts smelled like after more than a year.
Hendrix is accused of stealing two guitars from the church
and numerous electronic items from the school, with a combined
total value of $4,072.
He was charged earlier this week of two counts of burglary,
two counts of theft, and one count of identity theft, according
to the arrest affidavit.
The suspect was already in custody in the Colorado Department
of Corrections on unrelated theft and drug cases when the
s*** hit the fan, according to the Denver Post.
Hendrix is is scheduled to appear in Denver County Court on
Oct. 16 to be formally advised of the charges, according to
CBS Denver.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Karl
Re: Multiple browsers
Hi Webby,
Another great thing about running two different browsers
side by side is you can have two accounts with the same
company open at the same time. For example, I sometimes
have my work gmail account open while having my personal
gmail account open. If I only used one browser, I'd have
to sign out of one or the other. Right now I have 3
browsers open. Firefox, SeaMonkey, and Lynx. I've had
as many as four.
People still use Lynx? I'm limited to five gigs a month.
I read a lot of news articles on Lynx because it doesn't
download all the crap on web pages. The average Lynx page
download seems to be about 37K. Versus the 2-3 megs per
page using a regular browser with javaScript enabled.
Is it HTML 5 that brought us the bottomless webpage?
God, I hate that. All those self loading videos and ads.
It burns a lot of bandwidth plus it slows the system down.
If you have anybody in the Denver area that's interested in
making the switch to Linux, you can put them in touch with me.
Karl
Dear Karl
Good point!
Sometimes, when I am in the middle of a form on a borwser
and don't want to leave that page, I open a different tab,
but when I already have a lot of tabs open, then it is
definitely better to open a different browser.
I agree, for just reading text nothing gets even close
to good ol Lynx on Linux.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Ed
I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to
me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded
with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the
seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little
girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her
lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little
lady straining to see what I was holding.
"What ya got, mister?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind
her business.)
I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and
says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"
(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear
telling her to sit down.)
I said, "they're for my girlfriend".
The little 5 year old said, again with a loud voice,
"WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too!
Man, you really must have f****d up!"
Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the
other passengers bust a gut laughing.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Cat Litter Box
After seeing a nifty cat box with a high price tag, I
decided to make my own. It is a tote with a hole cut in
the top of the lid. I had empty totes already so that
didn't cost me anything. The litter does not get kicked
out at all. Occasionally some is tracked, but it is way
better than it being kicked out. My cats love it too.
Additionally, I did buy a cat pan set that has two pans
and a sifter for like $18 at one of the big box stores.
The solid pan fits perfectly in my tote. I still have to
disinfect the big tote, but not as often as I do the inside
pans. Overall, it is less cumbersome.
By mreynolds [1]]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but
would and then call back.
When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor
called and asked her what had happened. She said,
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
The Burgess Hill Town Council in the UK, in response
to a worker's complaint that sunlight coming through
the window caused a glare on her computer screen,
has already had three meetings, six months of discussion,
contact with several contractors, produced a six page report,
worked up five potential alternatives, their favorite
being the spending of up to $10,000 to put computer
controlled screens on the outside of the window or
coat the window with reflective film,
but whose Town Clerk has decided to solve the problem by
moving the desk away from the window.
____________________________________________________

Tales and pictures
of feral children.....so sad.

Today, October 11, in
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses.
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ.
1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first invention.
The electric machine was used for counting votes for the
U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it.
because there was no way to rig it for cheating.
1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras.
1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State.
1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states.
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly.
1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S.
The probe did not reach its destination and fell back to
Earth and burned up in the atmosphere.
1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra,
Don Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the
astronauts aboard.
1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went
out of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant
Pond, ME, were switched to direct-dial service.
1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard Challenger.
1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National Palace.
1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.
1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 10
Thank you, Elizabeth!!
After yesterday's uncomplimentary remarks about IE,
by sheer coincidence, of course,
FaceBook blocked me. They claimed that DearWebby was not
my real name.
DearWebby has been my name a lot longer than FaceBook
has been theirs!
It's just a minor nuisance. Considering the source, it really
is not a big deal. I rarely spend more than 5 minutes per
day on FB, and the number of FB friends are only about 1/6
of the Humor Letter readers, if that.
You can still get to my FB page with old links, so it really
is not a big deal.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida car thief arrested for driving
stolen car to police station
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 9, in
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Seeing a murder on television... can help work off one's antagonisms.
And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
--- Alfred Hitchcock (1899 - 1980)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian
finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again.
Puzzled, she says to the other one,
"I just know I've seen this face before!"
"Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in
the mirror and says,
"Of course, you silly! It's me!!"
______________________________________________________
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a
few minutes. When she returned, she found the children
in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely
quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen
anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please
tell me, what came over all of you?
Why are you so well behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, spoke up and
said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came
back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
No, she did not go out onto the porch to take that picture!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Carnell Eugene Butler
18,
St. Petersburg,
Florida
Florida car thief arrested for driving
stolen car to police station
Authorities say an 18-year-old man drove a stolen car to
police headquarters to pick up court papers about a previous
auto theft he was involved in — documents that were found
in yet another stolen car.
Carnell Eugene Butler now faces charges in three stolen
car cases.
St. Petersburg police say officers found a stolen Infiniti
on Sunday. Inside, they found Butler's documents related
to a June auto theft arrest.
Detectives contacted Butler, who arranged to pick them up.
When he arrived at police headquarters, a detective
arrested Butler and found keys to a Hyundai Sonata in his
pocket. The car was located a block away.
It, too, had been reported stolen.
Butler is held without bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: Firefox and/or Chrome
Good Morning Webby,
I see in today's Webby tips that you suggest using Chrome,
or at least FireFox.
I am using FireFox. Do you think Chrome is better than FireFox?
If I install Chrome, should I remove FireFox or keep it as a
back up?
Thanks for all you do to help us.
Dani
Dear Dani
You can have both FireFox AND Chrome running side by side.
Personally, I prefer Chrome, but sometimes I use both Chrome
and Firefox side by side to compare how a new design appears
on different browsers.
Usually they are quite consistent these days.
There is no need to get rid of one. Unlike IE, those two are
both quite secure.
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian
minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of
them automatically said, "Hello, Father."
The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no
father, you dummy," said the second youth,
"He's married and got three kids!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Duck Tape in Baggies
I use duct tape for many of my crafts and with cats, I
constantly am picking off hair from the edge of the tape
roll. I also find that when I put it away in my storage
box it sticks to everything. To solve both of these issues
I have started storing the rolls in plastic baggies. I use
both sandwich (holds 1 roll) and gallon (holds 4 rolls)
sized bags.
By lalala... [696]
By the way, it's DUCK tape, not duct tape.
The name comes from DUCK Weave, a square weave strip as
used for the Egyptian mummies and countless applications
since then. Hospital tape is one of the better known ones,
and so is Duck Tape.
A Duck weave tape always tears straight across, never
lengthwise like Fiber Tape. Duck tape of course is also
used for taping ducts, where the workers appreciate that
it tears straight across and never lengthwise.
There have been lots of arguments and even lawsuits about
duck versus duct. The fact is, though, it has been called
duck tape for a lot longer than there have been ducts.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The most remarkable thing about Ernie's wife is that
for thirty years she served the family nothing but
leftovers.
The original meal has never been found.
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song,
will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
____________________________________________________

What an interesting world we live in.
September's National Geographic photo highlights.

Today, October 10, in
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, MD.
1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt.
1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company.
1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries
under Sun Yat-sen.
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion of
the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama Canal.
1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale.
1938 Nazi Germany completed its return of Czechoslovakia's
Sudetenland.
1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the president
of China.
1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla
Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the
official had been refused service in a Dover, DE, restaurant.
1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of the
first global airline service.
1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people.
1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the "Peanuts"
comic strip.
1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of
British rule.
1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean.
He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours.
1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in
reaction to a military coup that forced President
Jean-Claude Aristide into exile.
1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the
Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed.
1997 The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, opened to the
public.
2003 Rush Limbaugh annouced that he was addicted to painkillers
and that he was going to check into a rehab center.
2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you Michael!!!!!
Thanks, Neil!
Thanks, Ron!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Missouri intruder arrested for sleeping in an
unused bedroom
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 9, in
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
There is always some madness in love. But there is also
always some reason in madness.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Caller to a travel agency: "I want to go from Chicago
to Bison, New York."
The agent was at a loss for words.
Finally, the agent replied: "Are you sure that's the
name of the town?"
"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.
After some searching, the agent came back with,
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code
in the country and can't find a Bison anywhere."
The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone
knows where it is. I got 2 cousins there! Check your
map!"
The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?"
The customer replied: "That's close enough."
______________________________________________________
New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but
had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write
the guy a check.
The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I
take a check from you ? I don't even know you !"
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Gregory Trent Cole
53,
WENTZVILLE,
Mo.
Partially-clothed intruder found sleeping
in child's unused bedroom
A 53-year-old man has been charged with burglary and
harassment after he was found asleep in an empty bedroom of
someone else's Missouri home.
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports Gregory Trent Cole was
charged Monday. Authorities say Cole entered a home in the
St. Louis suburb of Wentzville and went into a bedroom early
Sunday while the people who lived in the home were in
another room. They say he removed some of his clothes and
went to sleep. Police say the man was discovered around
8 a.m., wearing only underwear and a shirt.
Cole was taken to the St. Charles County Jail, where he is
jailed on $15,000 bond.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ginger
Re: IE malfunction
Dear Webby
Ctrl/Alt/up arrow worked to get the screen right side up.
Now I'm getting a message when I try to sign in with
Internet Explorer:
"There is a problem with this website's security certificate"
no matter what site I try to sign in to....
any idea what's going on?
Thank you,
Ginger
Dear Ginger
Internet Exploder is obsolete, and not secure enough.
Dump it.
Use Chrome, or at least FireFox.
I have not used Internet Exploder for many years and have
no idea how to fix it's problems.
Good Luck!
DearWebby
Thanks Webby - I DID switch to Chrome and it's working fine.
Glad we have you for a resource person!
Ginger
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the
CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece
of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important document, and my secretary has left. Can you
make this thing work?"
"Certainly," said.
turned the shredder on, and with a flourish
bowed out of the way.
As the CEO inserted the paper, the motor inside whirred to
live and pulled the paper in.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Treating Dry Cracked Heels
A major cause of dry cracked heels in women comes after
menopause. Hormonal changes are a major culprit. All of
our glands are changing. The oil glands slow down oil
production. There isn't much you can do except for
diligent care.
There are a few excellent exfoliate files made especially
for feet. Pumice stones work for the younger crowd, but
not for us. Cheap Dollar Store foot scrapers don't work.
Go to a beauty supply and get a good brand foot exfoliater
and foot cream.
Diligence is the major key to keeping your heels soft like
they were in your teens. It is possible. Make it a nightly
regime; file (exfoliate) and cream every night!
By hopeful [27]
The same happens with men too, especially if they are getting
close to heart or diabetes problems.
I found best for getting rid of dry calloused skin on the
feet and elbows, yes, it affects them too, is the flexible
sanding mesh sold for gyprock (sheet rock, drywall) work.
It is a flexible mesh, that does not clog up or build up.
Just shake it when done, and it is clean again, ready for
next time.
You can get it at Home Depot and similar places for $3 - $5
for a pack of 5. Keep one, give away the rest.
After sanding I use a little dab of baby oil. Not as fancy
on the outside of the bottle, but does the job quite nicely.
Just once a week is enough for me now. No more cracked and
painfully infected heels, but soft and flexible skin.
If you got thick and hard callouses, that have started to
crack and the cracks "swallow" sock lint and infect, you
should go to a pedicurist to clean out the cracks and glue
them. Believe it or not, when the cracks are cleaned out and
disinfected, they can be glued shut with crazy glue. That
allows them to heal in record time.
However, a weekly sanding and oiling should become a habit,
once that excessive skin growth on heels and soles,
and elbows, has started.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard.
His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what
happened?!"
"Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the
lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some
artificial respiration and he'll be fine."
"What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real
respiration or nothing."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please
stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long
silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then , why do you consider yourself an
idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate
to see you standing all by yourself."
____________________________________________________
1... Avoid alliteration. Always.
2... Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3... Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
4... Employ the vernacular.
5... Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6... Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7... It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8... Contractions aren't necessary
9... Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10.. One should never generalize.
11.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12.. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13.. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14.. Profanity sucks.
15.. Be more or less specific.
16.. Understatement is always best.
17.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20.. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22.. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23.. Who needs rhetorical questions?
____________________________________________________

Sculptures by Lorenzo Quinn,
son of Actor Anthony Quinn.

Today, October 9, in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land
that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded
Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek
religious freedom.
1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered
in New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale.
1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is
now San Francisco, CA.
1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary
War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led
by George Washington, defeated the British troops under
Lord Cornwallis.
1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two
British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia.
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.
1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope.
1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began.
1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later
became Montgomery Wards.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two miles.
1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Belgium.
1919 The Cincinnati Reds won the World Series. The win would be
later tainted when 8 Chicago White Sox were charged with
throwing the game. The incident became known as the
"Black Sox" scandal.
1935 "Cavalcade of America" was first broadcast on CBS radio.
1936 The first generator at Hoover Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA.
1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis.
The dome was unharmed in the bombing.
1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY.
1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA.
1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb."
1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an UFO.
The report included a trio of tall aliens that had visited
the city of Voronzh.
1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in
response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and
hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border.
1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring
a hundred.
2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his
father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing
him to number 9.
2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and made
Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire).
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that water
had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the moon.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 8
>From Neil
Here is an online file converter that will handle many
types of files, not just video
http://www.fileminx.com/
Neil
Thanks, Neil!
I had scrimped to save towards winter tires and had enough
for half of one tire in the jar. But such was not to be.
Got nailed by the cops.
Some woman was texting or doing something, that caused her
to swerve and change speeds, so I decided to pass her at
the earliest opportunity, and let her have her accident
somewhere behind me.
No problem, I thought. When there was a break in the traffic
in the other lane, I stomped on the gas, passed her and was
back in my lane long before there was traffic on the other
lane.
Unfortunately, a cop was the second car in that lane, and
he saw his opportunity to be nasty to a good guy.
Apparently, at the moment I passed the SUV, I was briefly
going 30 over the speed limit.
It used to be that just for a second for passing it was
OK to go over the speed limit. Apparently not, when I am
the victim. That sure put a big damper on my mood.
No winter tires, and no Christmas this year.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
California 'Maxi Pad Bandit' Arrested Despite
Fiendishly Clever Disguise
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 7, in
1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly
killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the
Argonne Forest in France. York had originally tried
to avoid being drafted as a conscientious objector. After
this event his was promoted to sergeant and was awarded
the Congressional Medal of Honor.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
One thing life has taught me: if you are interested,
you never have to look for new interests. They come to you.
When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will
always lead to something else.
--- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
There's no trick to being a humorist when you
have the whole government working for you.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
--- Euripides (484 - 406 BC)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were
shot in the fracas?
A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and
the navel.
______________________________________________________
A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's
house, and grandpa gets out. The polite policeman
explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was
lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home.
"Leroy!", said grandma, "You've been going to that park
for years! How could you get lost?"
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't
hear, he whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too
tired to walk home."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Gary Victor
51,
Victorville,
California
'Maxi Pad Bandit' Arrested Despite
Fiendishly Clever Disguise
Who was that "maxied" man?
A man accused of robbing an auto parts store in Apple Valley,
California, has been arrested despite disguising his face by
strategically putting a maxi pad over his eyes.
Surveillance video, taken around 6:40 p.m. on Sept. 28, shows
a man with a feminine hygiene taped on his head, using a
piece of wood to break the glass front door of a Battery Mart
and slip inside the store, according to Victor Valley News.
The suspect stole several battery chargers and flashlights
before fleeing the scene in a white 1992 Dodge Dynasty.
When Battery Mart owner Mark Wedell saw the video, he
immediately noticed something about the burglar.
“Right away everybody started saying we should call this
guy the maxi pad bandit,” Wedell told NBC Los Angeles.
“We had a pretty good picture of his face 'cause he came
to the store the first time and looked in the window
without his maxi pad on.”
“But when he came back and he had the maxi pad over his
eyes, I guess he thought it was going to take care of
everything."
Investigators for the San Bernardino Sheriff's Dept. had
no problem seeing through the fiendishly clever disguise
and quickly arrested their sanitary suspect, 51-year-old
Gary Victor.
"It wasn't surprising, but yes, that is, in fact, that's
what he was trying to conceal his identity with, and he
didn't do a very good job," police spokeswoman Trish Hill
said, according to UPI.
Victor was arrested and taken into custody on suspicion
of burglary and possessing stolen property. The stolen
items were returned to Battery Mart, according to the
Victorville Daily Press.
The maxi pad was recovered and taken into evidence,
Hill told HuffPost.
Victor is a convicted felon with an extensive history of
run-ins with the law, according to the Victor Valley News.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ed
Re: Scamware
Dear Webby
Hi.
Your letter has helped me out of so many binds. Thank you.
I just got a virus on my computer that I can't handle. I think
I heard about this type on your letter not too long ago.
It has shut down everything that I want to use. Pretty much
my whole operating system, and put a bunch of programs on my
computer. Then it tells me my computer has been rendered
useless for safety and I should call an 877 number for
assistance.
I have run virus scans in safe mode, but the virus cannot
be found. And I can not get rid of it.
Any help or advice would be much appreciated. I am fearful
I will have to take the computer in to a shop to get rid
of it as it is the worst virus I have ever seen.
Thanks
Ed
Dear Ed
I guess you don't have McAfee.
You MIGHT be able to install it, but many of those viruses
block it.
Try getting it via http://webby.com/mac
You might be able to sneak it onto the machine via that route.
If it doesn't get rid of the scamware, chat their support.
They can get onto your machine and do miracles there.
Don't worry about your porn collection. Those guys have seen
bigger ones, and are not interested in anything except fixing
as many machines per day as possible.
You have to have a current account with McAfee, though.
Without that, they can't help you.
Good Luck!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet
you don't have anything like that in Texas!"
"Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've
got plumbers who could fix it."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy No-Peel Applesauce
How to make an easy, cheap, quick applesauce for Fall!
Approximate Time: 4 Hours
Yield: 10-12 servings
Ingredients:
20 assorted apples
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 Tbsp cinnamon
1 cup water
Steps:
Choose 20 assorted apples.
Break off stems.
Core and cut all apples.
Add apples, water, cinnamon and sugar to crock pot.
Simmer on low heat for four hours.
Mash apples in crock pot after four hours.
Puree' applesauce in food processor.
Enjoy!
By GRAPE [8]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field
call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks who had this question:
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do
you guys have a fire downtown?"
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
The drunk was brought into night court, having been
picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night
prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge
sternly queried.
"I was going to a lecture."
"A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful.
"Oh, schure," said the drunk. "Schometimes my wife
schtarts 'em even later than that."
____________________________________________________

What a magnificent horse!

Today, October 8, in
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
Philadelphia, PA.
1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded.
1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly
killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the
Argonne Forest in France. York had originally tried
to avoid being drafted as a conscientious objector. After
this event his was promoted to sergeant and was awarded
the Congressional Medal of Honor.
1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began.
1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and
Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb.
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the
first time.
1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was a dangerous
and an illegal substance.
1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel Prize
for literature.
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted former Presidents Carter,
Ford and Nixon to the White House. The group was preparing to
leave for Egypt to attend the funeral of Anwar Sadat.
1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity,
were banned.
1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers in
lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been closed in
1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found.
1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI of
any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the Branch
Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege killed as
many as 85 people.
1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said
that three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban
forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan
denied the event occurred.
1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N.
Security Council.
2001 Tom Ridge, former Governor of Pennsylvania, was sworn in
as director of the new U.S. department of Homeland Security.
2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be conducted
outside of the international space station without a shuttle present.
2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's request
to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day labor lockout.
The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an estimated $1 billion to
$2 billion a day.
2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit the Earth
briefly on October 15.
2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative agreement that
would allow the first commercial flights between the two countries
since the end of the Vietnam War.
2003 It was announced that Vivendi Universal and General Electric Co.
had reached an agreement to merge. The name for the combined company
was NBC Universal.
2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that the
"Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled permanently. It
was also said that if Roy Horn survived, after a tiger attack on
October 3, the duo would continue to work together.
2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held in Afghanistan.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida woman, who stole boyfriend's false teeth,
prescription drugs
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 7, in
1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving
assembly line when the chassis was added to the process.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
--- M. C. Escher (1898 - 1972)
"Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow."
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband,
Gina decided the next time it happened, she would
have a comeback. That moment finally arrived, and she
was ready.
"You know," she challenged, "even a broken clock is
right once a day."
Leroy looked at her and replied, "Twice a day."
______________________________________________________
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the
edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully
recalled that the next week would mark their golden
wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she
suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel,"
he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should
take the blame for something that happened fifty years
ago."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for this picture:
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Felicity Leigh Palma
44,
Port St. Lucie,
Florida
Florida woman stole boyfriend's false teeth,
prescription drugs
A woman in Port St. Lucie was arrested Thursday after
allegedly stealing her boyfriend's prescription drugs and
filing a false police report because he had upset her,
police said.
According to authorities, Felicity Leigh Palma, 44, called
police to report a burglary in progress in the 4000 block
of SE Bonney Street Thursday evening.
She told the officers she saw "two dudes" running from her
home, and that her jewelry and money had been stolen, an
arrest report said.
Palma's boyfriend told police that two of his prescription
drugs and a pink case containing false teeth were missing.
As police were investigating, her boyfriend brought over a
bag to police that he had found inside Palma's car and
dumped the contents onto a table, the report said. Out
spilled the pink case containing his false teeth.
Palma became defense and stated that he was trying to frame
her, the report said.
Police then noticed the missing prescription drug bottles
belonging to her boyfriend inside a purse Palma was carrying.
Palma told police that she fabricated the entire incident
because she was mad at her boyfriend and wanted to show him
how easy it would be for someone to steal from him, the
report said.
She was booked into the the St. Lucie County Jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Tony
Re: Another Video converter
Dear Webby
LOVE your newsletter and look forward to reading it
regularly! You've helped me with several problems I've
had and also make sure I didn't create a few more.
LOL (I think this is only my 2nd time replying to a
reader's question)
Darcy was asking about a good video converter program.
I've been using Format Factory (http://www.pcfreetime.com)
for MANY years. Not only is it a great video converter
it's also a great converter for audio files, photos and
just about everything anyone would need to convert the
format on... (and it's also my favorite price: FREE!)
Tony
Thanks Tony!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria.
Underneath in hand writing:
Socks can eat any place they want.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Line Dry Jeans Inside Out
I love hanging our clothes outside to dry, but don't like
stiff jeans. My late mother-in-law taught me to turn them
inside out when I hung them on the clothes line. They end
up soft and wrinkle free. It also helps to slow down the
fading of the jeans.
By Mary [2]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________
Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was
quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy
him a bike for his birthday.
"Do you really believe that'll help improve his
behavior ?" he asked.
"Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful
INSIDE the house."
____________________________________________________

It takes a lot of talent
to paint on feathers.
I especially like the owls
and the bluebirds.

Today, October 7, in
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to
New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates
adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances."
1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of
Saratoga began.
1868 Cornell University was inaugurated in Ithaca, NY.
1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving
assembly line when the chassis was added to the process.
1918 The Georgia Tech football team defeated Cumberland
College 222-0. Georgia Tech carried the ball 978 yards
and never threw a pass.
1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was formed.
1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and
entered North Korea. China in November proved their threat
to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops
over the border into North Korea.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty
with Britain and the Soviet Union.
1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of
Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next
president of Egypt.
1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions.
1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism
in favor of democratic socialism.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor,
and naval firepower to Somalia.
1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier
to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving
toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert.
1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that
alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by
preventing banks from offering other cards.
1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to
$4.83 billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet
drug caused dangerous problems with heart valves.
2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in
Afghanistan in response to that state's support of
terrorism and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first
military action taken in response to the terrorist
attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Shoplifter charged after he
whined about his store mugshot
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 6, in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the Concord.
The German and Dutch families settled in an area that is now a
neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
You are not superior just because you see the world
in an odious light.
--- Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 - 1848)
The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling
is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side.
--- James Baldwin (1924 - 1987)
Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the
wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
--- Stephen King (1947 - )
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Psychology was tried on a difficult hiccough case. All
simple remedies had failed and the physician, knowing
that his patient was an old tightwad, resorted to a
stratagem. He administered a new, cheap medicine. This
drew from the patient an inquiry as to its contents.
"Chiefly musk," said the doctor.
"But isn't that the expensive stuff they use in perfumes?"
"Yes," said the doctor. "Each dose of this costs thirty
dollars."
The hiccoughs immediately stopped.
______________________________________________________
A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane.
She had just come back from a far away land trying to
find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother
noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in
feathers with exotic markings all over his body and
carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this
man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and
screamed, "Oy vey! I said for you to marry a Rich
Doctor! A RRRRRRich Doctor!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture:
These bloomed today.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Nicholas Allegretto,
23,
Cambridge,
England
Shoplifter charged after he
whined about his mugshot
The incident: A store posted a picture online of a man whom
they'd caught shoplifting.
The appropriate response: Not shoplifting if you're not
comfortable with that type of exposure.
The actual response: He complained to police that his human
rights were being violated.
23-year-old Nicholas Allegretto attempted to steal a magnet
from Mackays, a hardware store in Cambridge, England. He was
caught outside the store and made to give the magnet back.
He then ran away.
After the incident, the owner of the store took a screencap
of Allegretto from the security camera footage and sent it
to the local newspaper to print.
Speaking to the Daily Mail, store owner Neil Mackay, said,
"[We were] basically saying to him: 'We know who you are,
our staff knows who you are, you're not very welcome, thank
you very much indeed. We'd rather you didn't come in the
store."
The image was also posted on social media.
According to Mackay, Allegretto then went to the local police
station to complain that his "human rights were being abused."
The Cambridge News reports that Allegretto told police he
had lost his job as a roofer and his sister had been bullied
at school as a result of the image's publication.
"The police decided they had enough evidence once they looked
at the CCTV images to prosecute, and that's what they've
done," said Mackay.
Allegretto was charged with theft. He was supposed to appear
in court on Wednesday, but didn't show up. He was found
guilty in his absence.
"I suppose you could say he wasn't the sharpest tool in
the box," said Mackay. Which is a funny thing for him to
say, because he owns a tool shop.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Darcy
Re: Video converter
Dear Webby
I have to convert MOV video to MP4. A friend suggested I
use Miro, but that outfit seems to have taken the money
and ran far away. Their download is straight malware and
no browser will allow it. Their support is totally phony
too.
ConvertMovToAvi is a dud too. It produces a black MP4 file.
DUH!
Do you know of any, that are actually working and safe to
download?
Thanks
Darcy
Dear Darcy
I checked and tried a bunch. MIRO is definitely a 'has-been'.
Luckily all the browsers protect you from that crap. Miro
'support' seems to be the malware producers and are not
interested at all in being told that their downloads are
malware.
Eventually I did find a good one: AnyVideoConverter.
Their entrance at http://www.any-video-converter.com/ is a
bit confusing. Here is a link straight to their FREE Download:
AnyVideoConverter Download
AnyVideoConverter works fine for me.
You c an go back to their main entrance and see whate else
they have, that might be useful for you.
They have all kinds of fancy stuff, for example for ripping
Netflix or rented movies to DVD.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Little Johnny's mother asked him, "Why did you get such
a low grade on that test?"
"Because of an absence," he replied.
"You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" she
questioned.
Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who normally
sits next to me was."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Super Duper De-Greaser
Now you finally have something useful you can make with
all those annoying little soap slivers. You don't have
to throw them out anymore, make an all purpose kitchen
cleaner! With a few minutes and virtually no cost, you
can have a bottle full of de-greaser ready to go.
Re-duce, re-use, go green! :)
Approximate Time: 20 minutes
Yield: 22 ounces
Supplies:
1/4 cup finely chopped soap slivers
1 Tbsp borax
2 3/4 cup water
empty spray bottle
funnel
Steps:
As you can see, I opted for intact fingers and chose to
chop the soap with a knife. The pieces are just too small. :)
Add 1 cup of water to a pot.
Add your soap.
Stir continuously with a fork or whisk over medium/high heat
until soap is dissolved. This should take about 5 minutes.
Soap soup, smells really clean!
Add this mixture to your bottle.
Add the borax.
Add remaining 1 3/4 cups water. Replace top and gently tilt
back and forth to combine.
Make a new label so you know what it is. :) All set!
Great for grimy stoves, oven hoods, microwaves, etc.
Source: Modified from an idea in a book called Make It
By melissa [199]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart
attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening
politely for a over a half hour on how thankful he should be
to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he
asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes
during the heart attack. The patient responded,
"Don't be ridiculous, the attack had only lasted 6 hours."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed
twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing
to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to
the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty
reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life." the twenty proclaimed.
"I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest
restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and
even a cruise from Miami."
"Wow!" said the single, "you really have gotten
around."
"So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been
throughout your lifetime?"
"Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist
Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church,
the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of
God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of
Christ, ...."
The twenty says, "What's a church?"
____________________________________________________

What beautiful scenes of animals and nature.

Today, October 6, in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the Concord.
The German and Dutch families settled in an area that is now a
neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA.
1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for San
Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived on
February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days.
1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in
America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000.
1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for
selling beer.
1884 The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI.
1889 In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the
public for the first time.
1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had
patented the moving picture machine in 1887.
1890 Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church.
1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist
leader Chiang Kai-Shek.
1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against
Britain and France in an address to Reichstag.
1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense
Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form
of military aid to NATO countries.
1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American families
to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in the event
of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union.
1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win
back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel
war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo
against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain
on October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks.
1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the
White House.
1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony
was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA.
It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh paddy-wagon inmate kicked
other woman in face after victim farted near her
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 3, in
1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later
founded the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an
independent manufacturing company.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian.
He can't ask his patients what is the matter-
he's got to just know.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the
window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the
blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight
attendant.
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should
inform the pilot that he left his left-turn indicator on and
seems to have forgotten about it."
______________________________________________________
GROANER ALERT:
What disease can you get from kissing birds?
Chirpies! (A canarial disease, but it's untweetable.)
______________________________________________________
Thanks to dad for this picture:
These too bloomed today.
They are in the lean-to against the side of the house.
You see the stucko of the house.
The walls and top of the lean-to are hollow, 1/2 inch thick
greenhouse plastic, that is now about a dozen years old,
but still keeps the weather out and the warmth in.
Because the palstic is getting old and milky, shadows and
contrast are muted, but the cacti still look great.
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Jeanelle Callahan,
48,
Clearwater,
Florida
Floriduh paddy-wagon inmate kicked
other woman in face after victim farted near her
As she was being transported to jail, a Florida woman became
“irate” and kicked another female detainee in the face after
the victim “‘farted’ near her,” police allege.
Jeanelle Callahan, 48, was busted Thursday afternoon after
she punched her male roommate in the face, according to an
arrest affidavit. Callahan, who was reportedly “highly
intoxicated,” left the man with a bloody nose.
Following that misdemeanor collar, Callahan was placed into
a jail transport, where she encountered Virginia Turner,
60, who had been arrested for trespassing. Both women were
handcuffed in the police vehicle.
En route to the county lockup, “the suspect claimed that
Virginia Turner ‘farted’ near her,” reported Officer Stephen
Zulauf. Callahan became “irate” and attempted to strike Turner
in the face with her elbow. Callahan then “raised her right
leg and kicked Virginia Turner’s right side of her face.”
Turner did not fight back during the attack, which was
recorded by the vehicle’s camera system.
Callahan, who was already facing a battery rap for punching
her roomie, was hit with a second battery count for attacking
Turner. She is locked up in the county jail on $1000 bond.
Turner was released from custody Friday afternoon.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Darrel
Re: Bad email format
Dear Webby
About 75% of the mails I receive are formatted nincely,
with the text flowing and word wrapping properly, when I
narrow or widen the window, but the other 25% the lines
stretch endlessly to the right and are impossible to read.
It is worst when those mails contain a copied text or
forward.
What causes that?
Darrel
Dear Darrel
Would my guess be correct that a quarter of your mail comes
from AOLers?
There is probably nothing you can do to get them to send
mail properly formatted. About all you can do is hit
REPLY. Then YOUR email program will properly line-wrap it
and make their mail readable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A man appears at a woman's front door and announces,
"Madam, I'm the piano tuner."
"I didn't send for a tuner," the piano-playing woman
replies.
"I know, lady," the man says. "Your neighbor did."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Yogurt as a Substitute for Butter
I've had great success baking with no-fat, plain yogurt
instead of butter. Baking powder biscuits, spice cake,
bread, muffins; everything's turned out great thus far.
Butter isn't necessarily bad for us. I remember my
grandfather slathering it on his toast and he lived to
be a ripe old age. On the other hand, he was a farmer
and worked very hard physically. Few of us put out that
kind of effort on a daily basis.
By Rose Anne Hutchence [6]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love
with a woman in her 20s and is contemplating a
proposal.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he
asks a friend.
"With her, your chances are better," says the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
A lawyer was cross-examining a witness:
"You have just testified that you heard the shot at
exactly 11:32 p.m.?
How did you know what time it was? Did you look at
your watch?"
"No," the witness said. "I looked at the sundial in
the garden."
"That's absurd," screamed the lawyer. "How could you
tell time by a sundial at 11:32 at night?"
"I had a flashlight," the witness said.
____________________________________________________

Twenty-one things you need in your dream home. I like the stair cases and slides.

Today, October 5, in
1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at
the Battle of Thames when American forced defeated the
British and the allied Indian warriors.
1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to
the U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the
Canadian border.
1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later
founded the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an
independent manufacturing company.
1930 Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a
transcontinental airplane flight.
1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington
after flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The
flight originated in Japan and took about 41 hours.
1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine"
of aggressor nations.
1947 U.S. President Harry S Truman held the first televised
presidential address from the White House. The subject was
the current international food crisis.
1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at
Homestead Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered
U.S. air space and landed without being detected.
1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC television.
1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing
Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981.
1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around
the world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes.
He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles.
1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a
Sinai beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The policeman
died in prison the following January of an apparent suicide.
1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus
after shooting him down over southern Nicaragua.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that his
country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to the arms
reduction that was initiated by U.S. President George Bush.
1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion.
1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bonsian combatants.
The civil war had lasted 3 1/2 years.
1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time on
the international space station to keep the cash-strapped
Russian space agency afloat.
1999 MCI Worldcom Inc. and Sprint Corp. announced plans to merge.
2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the
entire state of Florida after a successful test in the
Tampa area.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 4
We got snow this morning.
Gullible Warming is now definitely over.
The "Ice Age Is Coming" scare mongering has now officially
started.
It's still your fault.
The grant recipients pretending to be scientists, will shortly
adjust the theories, so that they can continue to get
Government grants.
Taxes will have to be increased to cope with you causing
Gullible Cooling and the glaciers galloping down into the
valleys.
For the short term invest in snow shovels.
For the long term invest in bikinis. There will be another
Gullible Warming period in about 25 years.
The cycles are unbroken.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
PA burglar arrested while wearing
same old Superman t-shirt
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 3, in
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only
skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an
adorable pancreas?
--- Jean Kerr
[Actually, the complete expression is:
Beauty is only skin deep,
but ugly goes to the bone.]
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as
large and wise as a man's head.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Mary and her new boyfriend were at her son's
volleyball game when she noticed an adult couple in
the bleachers. They were being VERY affectionate.
She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on
his ear. He had a hand on her chest.
Mary said to her boyfriend, "I don't know whether
to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play
volleyball."
______________________________________________________
During a sermon the pastor stated that money wasn't important
in the afterlife, because in heaven, there is no money. One
parishioner loudly stage-whispered to his wife,
"Did you hear that, Maude? We're already in heaven."
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Kyree Henneghan,
18,
Upper Darby,
Pennsylvania
PA burglar arrested while wearing
same old Superman t-shirt
Police in the Philadelphia suburbs say the Man of Steal
was undone by his Superman T-shirt.
The Philadelphia Daily News (http://bit.ly/1j2FlJO ) reports
18-year-old Kyree Henneghan was charged with two Upper Darby
burglaries that police linked him to because of the shirt.
Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood says a man wearing a
T-shirt with the Superman shield broke into one home on
Sept. 24 and a second on Tuesday. In that heist, the
homeowner walked in and Henneghan bolted with a laptop
computer.
Henneghen made a not-so-speedy getaway on his BMX bicycle
and police found him a short time later — still wearing
the Superman shirt — trying to sell the computer to
men in a car.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Darrel
Re: Bad email format
Dear Webby
About 75% of the mails I receive are formatted nincely,
with the text flowing and word wrapping properly, when I
narrow or widen the window, but the other 25% the lines
stretch endlessly to the right and are impossible to read.
It is worst when those mails contain a copied text or
forward.
What causes that?
Darrel
Dear Darrel
Would my guess be correct that a quarter of your mail comes
from AOLers?
There is probably nothing you can do to get them to send
mail properly formatted. About all you can do is hit
REPLY. Then YOUR email program will properly line-wrap it
and make their mail readable.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Kathrina was visiting the modern art museum and turned to an
attendant standing nearby.
"This," she sneered, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"
"No madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a
mirror."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Yummiest Microwave Omelet
I have been seeing the "Plastic Bag Omelet" on many
websites lately. That may be a great idea when you need
to make an omelet whilst camping. You only have a pot
of boiling water and 20 minutes, but it's my personal
choice not to boil my foods in plastics. If you are
looking to make an omelet without oil or butter and
only have a few minutes, this microwave omelet is
your answer!
Approximate Time: 4 minutes
Yield: 1 large omelet
Ingredients:
3 eggs
1 clove garlic
salt & pepper to taste
1/4 cup onion, diced
1/4 cup bell pepper, diced
1/4 cup cheese
1 Tbsp salsa
Steps:
Crack eggs into a medium/large microwaveable bowl and whisk.
Grate in a clove of garlic. Season with salt and pepper.
Mix well.
Drop in remaining ingredients. Mix well.
Microwave on high for 2 minutes. The edges will have begun
to solidify. The middle will be slightly runny. Give the
middle a gentle stir with a fork. Microwave on high for 1
minute.
Run a knife or small spatula along the sides of omelet to lift
off bowl until you get under it. It will slide right off into
your serving plate. Garnish if desired.
Enjoy!
By attosa [123]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
PUN WARNING:
At a church meeting the topic was "Burial or Cremation?"
Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other,
"If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is
making an ash of yourself!"
The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from
fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will
be doing is making a fuel of yourself!"
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
An elderly widow and widower were dating for about
five years. The man finally decided to ask her to
marry. She immediately said "yes".
The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember
what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so,
wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an
hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on
the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he
admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the
marriage proposal.
"Oh", she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered
saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember
who it was."
____________________________________________________

I wouldn't even walk this
trail let alone ride a motorcycle over it!

Today, October 4, in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland.
1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant.
1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces
both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as
British victory, which actually served as a moral boost
to the Americans.
1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas
formally dedicated by Texas Gov. Richard Coke.
1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano.
1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in
St. Louis, MO.
1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The
area covered part of Utah and Colorado.
1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount Rushmore.
1931 The comic strip "Dick Tracy" made its debut in the Detroit
Daily Mirror. The strip was created by Chester Gould.
1933 "Esquire" magazine was published for the first time.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at Brenner
Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight the British.
1948 The Railroad Hour" debuted on ABC radio.
1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around the
Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter space.
Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958.
1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first jetliner
to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with flights between
London, England and New York.
1981 Bruce Jenner and Harry Belafonte debuted in their first
dramatic roles in NBC-TV's "Grambling's White Tiger".
1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games despite
the player's strike.
1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since reunification.
1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended.
1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman Ruslan
Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-hour tank
assault on the Russian White House. The two men had barricaded
themselves in after Yeltsin called for general elections and
dissolved the legislative body.
1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through the
streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant being
taken prisoner by Somali militants.
1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to the
White House by U.S. President Clinton.
1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC.
The exhibit featured 70 paintings.
1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show "Phantom
of the Opera" for the 2,000th time.
2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their airfields
and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early-warning radar
planes in the war on terrorism.
2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened. The
airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the United
States on September 11, 2001.
2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It was the
first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in space twice
within a two week window. The ship won the Ansari X Prize of
$10 million dollars for their success.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh woman, who was arrested after
her 1 year old son drinks her liquid methadone
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 3, in
1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
The more things change, the more they remain... insane.
--- Michael Fry and T. Lewis
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if
they didn't, they'd be married too.
--- H. L. Mencken
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Ronnie McInnis walked into a dentist's office and
asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom
tooth. "That'll be $80," the dentist said.
"That's ridiculous," Ronnie spat.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist said, "if I don't use an
anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60."
"That's still too expensive," the man whined.
"Okay," the dentist countered, "if I save on
anaesthetic and simply rip the tooth out with
extraction pliers, I could probably get away with
charging $20."
"Nope," moaned the man. "It's still too much."
"Hmmm," the dentist pondered, scratching his head.
"If I let one of my students do it for the experience,
I suppose I could charge you just $10."
"Marvellous," the man beamed. "Could you book my
wife for 5:30 next Friday, after she gets off work?"
______________________________________________________
A father, who worked away from home all week, always
made a special effort with his family at the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old
daughter out for a drive in the car.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that
he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily,
his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this
Sunday she would take their daughter out. They
returned just before lunch and the little girl ran
upstairs to see her father.
"Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with
Mommy?"
"Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know
what.......we didn't see a single bastid or
dingbat, 'cause Mommy was doing the dingbat stuff
herself and scared them all away!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture of
her son Charlie and his dog Cooper,
taken by Melanie, her DIL in 2012
Good Dog!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Anna Highland,
27,
Fort Myers,
Floriduh
Floriduh woman arrested after
her 1 year old son drinks her liquid methadone
A Fort Myers toddler suffered brain damage after drinking
his mother's prescription liquid methadone.
A two-week investigation led to the arrest of Anna Highland
for neglect of the 13-month-old, who is now in the custody
of the Department of Children and Families -- along with a
foster child who was also in the home.
The 13-month-old is also suffering from partial blindness
and is no longer able to crawl.
Liquid methadone is often used to help heroin addicts because
of the length of time it remains in the body. A Lee County
Sheriff's Office arrest report indicates that's why Highland
had the prescription.
A Cape Coral doctor, Timothy Dougherty, said the drug can be
deadly in children.
The report says that Highland left it within reach of her son.
When she found it on the ground near him, she called for her
mother to come home but didn't call 911 until several hours
later when the boy didn't wake from a nap.
Highland paid her bond and is expected to be released from jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Edith
Re: Safe download locations
Dear Webby
How can one tell if a download location is safe?
And what do I do if I get a warning from McAfee?
Edith
Dear Edith
Google for the program you want. Usually the company that
makes it, has a site. That is always the best location.
If a program is hosted by a mirror site, only use the mirror
listed on the program maker's site. Many popular programs
are also listed on dubious mirrors and locations.
Avoid those.
Some mirror sites, that used to be good, like for example
cnet.com, are heavily contaminated and best avoided.
They don't check what they host and any crook can upload
contaminated garbage.
Tucows is still pretty good. They check a lot of the stuff
that they list. Personally, I avoid publicly hosted programs.
If a company can't afford $12 per year for a domain name and
$10 a month for hosting, then they can't really be any good.
If you do download from a faker, and McAfee throws up the
big, red "WHOA!" screen, cancel the download, and delete
what you have downloaded so far.
Next scan your machine.
Then write down the name of the mirror or URL, that tried to
sleaze bad stuff onto your machine.
Keep a list of places to avoid.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas,"
he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long,
and still be in Texas by nightfall."
"Well", replies the Yankee, "We have some rather slow
trains in Rhode Island too, but none that are THAT slow."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dry Green Onions Inside Car
I use a beer/Coke box flat that I get for free from the
local store. Place the green onions (or other herbs
and veggies) in the flat. Place in your car in the summer
months and they dry in no time and perfectly.
By Lacey K. [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
A little girl and her mother were out and about. The
girl, out of the blue, asked her mother,
"Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about
their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing
women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you
grow up."
The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then
fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and
daddy get divorced?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions,
responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me
very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is
dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults
with her girlfriend about her and her mother's
conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do
is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license.
It's just a like a report card from school. It tells
you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother are out and
about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy,
Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are.
You're 32 years old."
The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how
do you know that?"
The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I
know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you
and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh
department store about a dozen blocks from their
hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got
in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to
Neiman Marcus."
The cabby looked over his shoulder at them and said,
"And the gentleman? Does he want to go to the bank
or the pawn shop?"
____________________________________________________

These artful three-dimensional
cutouts with light behind them are so ethereal.

Today, October 3, in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day.
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by Thurman.
1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor.
1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store.
1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.
1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I.
1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia).
1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken"
and they "would never rise again."
1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices.
1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line.
1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier
Field in Chicago.
1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world when
they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV.
1961 "The Dick Van Dyke Show" debuted on CBS-TV.
1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a
nine-hour flight.
1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had lasted
7 months and ten people had died.
1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its
four-day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission
since the Challenger disaster.
1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to Czechoslovakia
in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to the West.
1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the borders
between East and West Germany were dissolved. The unification of
Germany ended 45 years of division.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait since
his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.
1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was raided
by U.S. soldiers.
2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by a
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after being
dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore,
was debuting in his first show.
2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear test
as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that it viewed
as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. A date for the test was
not announced.
2015 smiled.

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh woman arrested after calling 911 to
report drug deal rip-off
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 2, in
1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated
a Mexican cavalry unit.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm
our worst suspicions about them.
--- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Lissa went to see a psychiatrist about her husband (he
wouldn't go with her).
"Doctor, my husband, Kurt, has this problem. Almost
every night now he's dreaming he's a refrigerator!"
"My dear, that is not really a problem! A lot of
people dream that they are somebody or something
unusual..."
Lissa leans forward as she softly whispers this
confidence: "But you see doctor it is also a problem
for me! Kurt sleeps with his mouth open and his
little light keeps me awake!"
______________________________________________________
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've
got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily
newspapers every morning."
Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."
The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any
papers!"
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Clyde for this picture
Good parking!
______________________________________________________
A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy!
Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!"
The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH."
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Erin Klich,
36,
Fort Myers,
Floriduh
Floriduh woman arrested after
calling 911 to report drug deal rip-off
Angered that she had been shorted in a marijuana purchase,
a Florida woman dialed 911 from outside her dealer's home
to report being ripped off, a miscalculation that resulted
in her arrest on a pair of criminal charges.
Erin Klich, 36, told a cop that she “called the police
because she was buying marijuana and was shorted by the
people” inside a Fort Myers home. Klich, who works for a
body armor manufacturer, called 911 early Friday evening.
Klich reported that she sought to purchase a seven-gram
bag of marijuana for $75, according to a probable cause
statement.
After a Fort Myers Police Department officer arrived at
the scene, Klich was again on the phone with a 911 operator.
The “loud and argumentative” Klich hung up the phone at the
cop’s direction, but subsequently dialed 911 again. When
warned by an officer that she was misusing the emergency
dispatch system, Klich refused to hang up the phone,
prompting her arrest.
While cops waited for a female officer to arrive at the
scene to search Klich, she was placed into the rear of
a police cruiser. Upon Klich’s exit from the car,
officers found a “clear plastic baggy containing suspect
marijuana, lodged between the seat where Klich was sitting.”
The pot weighed 5.4 grams, police noted.
Seen above, Klich was charged with marijuana possession
and misuse of the 911 system, both misdemeanors. She was
released from jail Saturday after posting $2500 bond,
and is scheduled for an October 13 court appearance.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Fake Open office
Comment:
On Thursday, October 1, 2015, 04:49 PM, Carol wrote:
I just tried to download Open Office. McAfee issued a
warning that there are PUPs included. I told it to download
anyway and got another warning about a Trojan associated
with the download. I had Open Office on another computer but
not on this new one. Is there really a problem in downloading
this program?
Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us all.
Carol King
Dear Carol
That would depend where you download it from.
If you download it from
https://www.openoffice.org/
it is safe.
If you get it from ANYWHERE else, it is not.
McAfee was right.
You ignored it and downloaded some bad shit.
Uninstall it, then delete the folder where you put it in,
then run a full McAfee scan,
and then a scan with Malwarebytes.
The bad stuff is probably hidden somewhere else,
that is why you have to scan everything, but since
you downloaded it from somewhere else, it is not
an official copy anyway, and best to get rid of it before
you install the real one.
Just for fun I downloaded the newest version and installed
it. McAfee had absolutely no issues with it.
Good Luck!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Our business professor was lecturing about different
ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an
example of a system where you are billed before you
actually receive your goods?"
One student piped up, "Tuition!"
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pumpkin Pancakes
This time of year, there is so very much you can do with
pumpkin. The scent and spices fill the house with warm
aromas of wonderful baked goods. It is endless what you
can do with pumpkin or pumpkin spices.
Ingredients:
1/4 cup pumpkin purée
1 egg
1 cup milk
1 cup flour
1 Tbsp sugar (optional)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 pinch nutmeg
Steps:
Whisk pumpkin and egg together until smooth.
Add in remaining ingredients and whisk until smooth.
Fry batches in a cast iron skillet for a tasty fall
breakfast treat.
Enjoy a nice fall treat treat!
By Jackie H. [120]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
The teacher asked if he knows his
numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher.
"Four," says .
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good
job. What comes after ten?"
smiles and says, "A jack."
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all
of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she
would get furious when one little fellow hands in a
sloppily done homework paper.
"This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to
read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has
so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person
could have made all these mistakes."
"It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively.
"My mom helped me."
____________________________________________________

Wish I could dance that well!

Today, October 2, in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France.
1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy.
He was carrying information about the actions of
Benedict Arnold.
1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated
a Mexican cavalry unit.
1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop
his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859
book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection.
1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy.
1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations.
1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the
first transmission of moving images.
1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He
was 26 years old.
1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow.
1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising.
1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix
competition.
1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II.
1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M. Schulz,
was published for the first time in seven newspapers.
1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of
the Republic of Guinea.
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the
United States during that voyage, and the transport of
U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that
traded with Cuba.
1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections.
1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place
demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the
adoption of democratic reforms.
1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied
in Germany.
1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades.
1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-fixing.
1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern Iraq
and attacked Kurdish rebels.
2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States.
2015 smiled.

With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Ohio bank robbers arrested after
they posed on Facebook with the cash.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, October 1, in
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.
--- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who
dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his
friend out for a drive, and he chose the route
carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities
of the brokerage business.
"Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly
past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior
partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is
owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that
huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of
the top seller at Prudential-Bache."
His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look
at him and saw a pained look on his face.
"What's the matter?" Goodman asked.
"I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there
any customers' yachts?"
______________________________________________________
When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a
local repair shop where a friendly man informed him
that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he
told him he might be better off reading the printer's
manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied
sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on
repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves
first."
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Don for this picture
Peggy's Cove, NS
______________________________________________________
Two city swingers were walking in the country when
one of them spotted a bug walking across the road.
"What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion.
The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's
a Lady bug."
The first man looked at the bug again, then at his
friend, and said: "Man, you sure got good eyes."
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Noella for reporting this bonehead!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
John Mogan, 28, and
Ashley Duboe, 24,
Ashville,
Ohio
Ohio bank robbers arrested after
they posed on Facebook with the cash.
A couple arrested this week for robbing an Ohio bank had
posted photos to Facebook showing them posing with stacks
of cash in the days following the crime, police report.
John Mogan, 28, and Ashley Duboe, 24, are charged with the
August 24 robbery of a bank in Ashville, a village 20 miles
south of Columbus.
Investigators allege that Mogan walked into the bank and
gave a note demanding money to a teller, who then handed
over cash. A surveillance photo shows the hoodie-wearing
robber leaving the bank with a stack of currency in his
hands.
Mogan is a convicted felon who was just released from prison
after serving about five years for robbing a bank in
Lancaster, a city 20 miles east of Ashville. A female
accomplice was also arrested in connection with Mogan's
July 2010 robbery of a Fairfield National Bank branch.
Mogan began serving a three-year parole term immediately
following his July 19 release from an Ohio state lockup.
The heavily tattooed Mogan has the phrases “Loyalty’s Thin”
and “Betrayal’s Thick” on opposite cheeks.
Investigators allege that prior to driving Mogan to the
Ashville bank, Duboe applied makeup to his face and neck
to cover numerous tattoos.
According to police, four days after the bank robbery,
Mogan--with fans of cash in each hand--and Duboe posted a
Facebook photo showing them embracing.
A “selfie” posted August 31 shows Mogan with a wad of bills
in his mouth. The image prompted a relative to complain that
the flush Mogan “didn't hook a brother up.” Referring to the
loot, Mogan replied, “That's called a McStack.” He then noted
that, “I got six bands bra real shit nigga,” before adding,
“I'm doing rrree=aaaaalll) good.”
Other photos posted to the Facebook page shared by Mogan and
Duboe show Mogan pretending that the brick of cash is a phone,
as well as his lunch.
Mogan and Duboe, seen in the above mug shots, have each been
charged with robbery and theft, both felonies, and are locked
up in lieu of $250,000 bond in the Pickaway County jail.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Marjorie
Re: Desktop icon size
Dear Webby
How do I change the size of the icons on my desktop?
I can't find any way to don that in the Control panel
or anywhere. I don't want to change the resolultion.
I want to keep that the way I got it.
Thanks
Marjorie
Dear Marjorie
There is probably some official and complicated method
for doing that, but there is a sneaky way that ahs worked
for many years:
Click on an empty spot on the desktop
Hold down CTRL
SLOWLY roll the scroll wheel on the mouse one notch at a
time away from you. That increases icon size.
Turning the scroll wheel towards you while holding CTRL
will shrink them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A missionary heard about a native who had five wives.
He paid a visit to the native's hut, and sure enough
there were five wives.
The two men sat outside the hut and talked.
The missionery said "You are violating a law of God.
Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell
four of those women that they can no longer live here
or consider you their husband."
The native thought a few moments, then said, "I'll wait
here. You tell 'em."
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Measuring Cup to Grease Baking Pans
If you are using liquid oil in your recipe such as brownies,
take the measuring cup that you used to measure the oil and
turn it upside down in the baking pan while you are mixing
the brownies. The oil will then pool in bottom of pan. Use
your fingers or wax paper to coat the pan as your
directions recommend.
By JackieB [1]
______________________________________________________

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe,
look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

_____________________________________________________
[a] The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.
On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and
also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or
Americans.
[c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking
English that kills you.
That reminds me.....
Because of the anti-smoking propaganda and restrictive
laws, the percentage of the population that smokes has
decreased. Now, if there was any relation between
smoking and cancer, the percentage of people who get
cancer should theoretically have decreased at exactly
the same rate.
It didn't. It INCREASED!
OK, so what HAS increased at the same rate as cancer ?
Taxes on tobacco products.
Kinda makes you think, eh ?
___________________________________________________

____________________________________________________
At a golf course, four men approached the sixteenth
tee. The straight fairway ran along a road and bike
path fenced off on the left. The first golfer teed off
and hooked the ball in that direction. But the ball
went over the fence and bounced off the bike path onto
the road, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and
was knocked back on to the fairway.
As they all stood in silent amazement, one man finally
asked him, "How on earth did you do that?"
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You have to know
the bus schedule."
____________________________________________________

Fascinating baby animals in the womb.

Today, October 1, in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S.
effectively doubling its size.
1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.
1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850.
1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I
by a force made up of British and Arab forces.
1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state.
1938 German forces enter Czechoslovakia and seized control
of the Sudetenland. The Munich Pact had been signed two days
before.
1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States.
1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted.
1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated
the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.
1962 Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on
NBC-TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar
was the previous host.
1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley.
1968 "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA.
1971 Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL.
1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with
the United States.
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama.
1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow) Center
opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt Disney.
1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli
jet fighters.
1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.
1989 The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief,
was published.
1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist government.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of Kuwait.
1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.
1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in Haiti
that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from power.
U.S. economic and military aid was suspended.
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.
1992 The Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty was approved by
the U.S. Senate.
1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a
series of trade agreements.
1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a
lockout of the players that lasted 103 days.
1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S.
through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.
1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company.
1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for the
capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of killing
an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in 1994.
1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing.
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the
U.S. mandated the use of the filters.
2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction of
the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed
2015 smiled.

The number of mammograms donated thanks to clicks has dropped quite noticeably
when these two ladies went away. So here they are back, working hard to get
you to click. Donate by clicking!BreastCancer
SiteA free click helps to donate mammograms to women who
can not afford one.

Tech Support Pits: Re: Not getting a subscription
... not getting my subscription newsletters, not just the Humor Letter, but
others too. I can't re-sub- scribe because I am still on the list....

Dear Friends, If you are on the list, then the subscriptions are sent out
TOWARDS you. If you don't see them, then either you or your ISP are blocking
them.

Complaining to me won't fix your or your ISP's spam block. Check your spam
control program and, if necessary, white-list the missing subscription or
declare it as friendly. If your spam control program is OK, contact your
ISP.

If you are using one of those address collectors that pretend to be email
verification programs, but ask for people to fill out all kinds of information,
forget it!
NO newsletter send program will even click on a verification link, never
mind filling out some silly junkmail order form. If you want a newsletter,
it is up to YOU, to make sure that you are not blocking it.

The Humor Letter is no exception, except that you can still read it here,
on-line, at http://webby.com/humor,
even if you are blocking it in the mail.