Aw, man. The oldest original story I can remember was just... some... weird story about a bunch of teenagers who are also demons or bat-people or something. I actually have no idea. I was like... eight at the time. It didn't even really have a plot, and none of the characters ... really had any character at all. They just... flied around everywhere, being idiots. Other than that, I don't really remember anything that really stuck out.

Samsally wrote:

I'm ace, apparently that means I can only like... uh.

Fuck.

Well. Personally I'm thinking that it means that the only fanfiction we would be allowed to enjoy - as asexuals - would be Spongebob fanfiction.

Sponges don't particularly have any reason to even be social(nor to be associated with clothing, including square pants), but those pants are always nearby. Spongebob's never even released toxins to kill any cells in their general area, as you might expect a sponge to do when presented with persistent foreign material. ;_; clearly true love._________________butts

They were! They were the old fashioned slanted kind you could lift up and put stuff inside. And the lid had teeth on it. And they chomped the childrens to bits and ate them all - so not really vampires, but hungry monsters nonetheless._________________[Stripeypants has enabled lurk mode.]

I find it interesting how the concept of fanfiction is always associated with shipping. While, of course, romance can play an interesting part of people's life... Why is it so omnipresent? And why is it the thing that everyone remembers the most? Fanfics are normally referred to as "It's an Alpha X Beta one," not as "Epsilon turns into a giant blob and devours little kids." Nope, the defining factor is who gets shipped.

I got bored and curious once upon a time, and lets just say Spongebob had been the last thing I had watched that day. One thing lead to another, and... welp. I can't say I'm proud of the fact it happened._________________

Could be, could be. But I can research and acquire facts about waterproof papers and the lingering effects of the atom bomb on the Bikini Atoll, and it'll be a glorious educational opportunity._________________[Stripeypants has enabled lurk mode.]

The rum says it's not worth the effort of studying Spongebob enough to feel good about the characterization, but I think I may try writing up a summary of what might have been when sober._________________[Stripeypants has enabled lurk mode.]

Yay! I'm glad for that. This is actually one of the things I do with the things I like, so it isn't out of the ordinary for me.

When I first started watching MLP: FIM, I was also steeped in studying North Korea, and I couldn't help correlating the political situation there to North Korea. It was too easy.

Anyway, here goes the summary of the fic that might have been!

The main inspiration for the Spongebob Stripedpants fic would be when inhabitants of the Bikini Atoll were told it was safe to live there. I may be confused about that, mixing it up with some other disasters, but I seem to recall at one point they were told it was safe to either stay or return, and it wasn't. The fic would cover some period where it has been long enough that the undersea critters are starting to forget what happened, or else rationalizing it as not so bad and moving on. And workers trying to recover materials for little pay from radioactive sites would come into the restaurant day after day - getting sicker and sicker, some ceasing to come in.

Spongebob Stripedpants would become increasingly angry about the situation. He is a young sponge! He is still vibrant! His pants are the pants of a sponge who will make a difference! He should be out in the world soaking up knowledge rather than serving cheap unhealthy crap in a dying world! And so he leaves, seeking out those who still know.

His dear friend Patrick refuses to jump down the rabbit hole, and Spongebob, alone, reaches his lowest point. This continues on for several angsty chapters.

But Spongebob finds an unexpected friend in Squidward, who only seemed miserable because he knew all along the horrors floating just beneath the surface. He resented Spongebob for not caring about anything at all - but now that Spongebob is awakened, Squidward will lead him to Those Who Know(tm).

When Spongebob discovers Ye Olde Knowledge explaining everyone in the area is being poisoned by some horrific unseen force from the gods, he decides to dedicate his life to helping people learn this. So he joins Those Who Know(tm), who happen to have a library of waterproof books in whatever language Bikini Bottom speakers use. He learns to put them away efficiently.