Sunday, October 17, 2010

So sue me. But Ive been blessed with a keen sense of self-awareness. Whether it results from growing up an only child or a mild case of Asperger’s Syndrome, either way I am pretty good at recognizing behavior patterns in myself. And lately something occurred to me.

I notice that when I am dining out, I deliberately overtip. Why? Because, being a former server for three years, I know that, whether we want to admit it or not, black folks are terrible tippers. Knowing that, I feel like I have to overtip to make up for all the black folks who have probably tipped this person poorly in the past. I have an odd desire to do my part to save our collective face.

Or, when Im walking my dog, I make sure that my poop bags are clearly, ridiculously visible because in my neighborhood, my fellow black brotha and sista dog owners are notorious for not picking up their dog’s poop. Its like I need everyone who sees me to know that there are black people who DO pick up their dog’s crap.

It’s like I feel personally responsible for countering any negative stereotypes that people have drawn about my peoples.

I still don’t know if this is a good or bad thing. I’m leaning towards bad because it indicates an insecurity about how my community is viewed. And I shouldn’t be insecure right? I shouldn’t care what people think, right?

However, I think its also a good thing to have a sense that every time you step into the world you are representing something larger. Whether its your family, your community, your religion or whatever. I feel as though I represent my community everytime I walk out the door.

I am indeed torn.

Today, I was on the elevator with some colleagues, there were about 8 of us on the elevator, 6 black and 2 white. And two of the black folks were having the loudest, most cuss-laden, ghetto conversation ever. We’re in a fucking elevator. Why are you yelling and using profanity? At work?

So, when i get off the elevator I was chatting with my white colleague, and felt compelled to complain about the behavior. It was like I wanted to make sure she didn’t think that black people in general found this behavior acceptable. Like, if I didn’t say anything, she would think that I didn’t even notice it because it was so normal to us “sistas.” I wanted her to know that we are smart and professional and are just as appalled at bad behavior as everyone else.

I was behind two black women at Starbuck’s who were so rude and ridiculous. Like it was everyone else’s fault they didn’t understand the menu. I mean, if its that complicated, go to Dunkin Donuts. Well, when it was my turn, I was super nice and super friendly and super appreciative. Almost as if to say, Mr. Starbucks Barista Guy, all black women really are not mean, bitter jackasses.

There was this homeless white guy panhandling at the 7-11. I wasn’t going to give him money, but I asked if he wanted something to eat. He asked if I could get him a Pepsi. So I got him a Pepsi, thinking to myself, that “the next time he wants to talk about black people I hope he remembers that one of us helped his broke ass out once.” Now I always ask panhandlers, of any race, if I can get them food because i dont do cash, but this particular transaction with a white guy had that extra umph of “See! Talk about us now! I dare you!”

What is this ridiculous urge to individually take on stereotypes? ?To personally assume responsibility for redeeming bad behavior by other black people and challenge preconceived notions people may have about us? You know what I call it? B.O. — Black Overcompensation. The irresistable urge to show the world that we aren’t all like “that.” Or “see, we’re nothing like what you think!”

Don’t misunderstand, this is not about becoming culturally neutral in front of others. I’m always supa dupa black and proud of it. I don’t hold my tongue when it comes to issues of race or culture or my own preferences or beliefs.

However, when it comes to some of my people’s bad habits, I have a compulsion to counter it, either with my own behavior or with the appropriate level of whatever protestation is appropriate at the time.

Is this a manifestation of a latent inferiority complex? Or a reasonable and justifiable expression of pride? We have a black president for chirissakes! Why do I feel the need to do this? I’m not sure.

I keep waiting for one of those pharmaceutical companies to run a commercial about a drug that treats B.O. like they do for all those other fake diseases.

Whatever the cause of my affliction, I just know that I want the world to know how diverse and amazing and smart and loving my community is, and not get caught up in the media portrayals of pimps and bitches that, unfortunately, some of us are, all too often, proud to embrace.

(cue swelling orchestra music here) For every black idiot I see, I will be twice as smart! For every black thief I see, I will be twice as honest! For every black slacker I see, I will work twice as hard!

That’s just me. Maybe its unnecessary, maybe its an obsolete sentiment, but until they develop a B.O. shot, patch, suppository or some other cure for my black overcompensation, I will suffer with it.

In short, if black overcompensation is wrong, for now, I don’t want to be right.

181 Responses to “My Own Case of B.O. — Black Overcompensation”

I love it. I too suffer from B.O., I’m just glad that you have come up with a name for this disorder that so many black people suffer from. Sounds like there should be some type of support group, telethon, and/or fundraiser. Since there isn’t, I’ll just make sure I talk about this blog entry when I record my next podcast.

Unfunny jokes aside, I feel you, Jam. I suffer from the same ailment, though for me it’s more of a social overcompensation in general, rather than reacting specifically to the errant behavior of just blacks. Sometimes I get “cracka’d out,” too.

Maybe describing it as some sort of malady takes away from the product of pride that it actually is. I don’t think that I’m any more responsible for the way others act than they’d be for me; however, when I’m in the presence of a lot of crap, instinctively I present myself in a way that says I’m better than that, and I act accordingly.

So if I find myself overcompensating for those idiots, then it’s because their actions went against MY integrity and values, not because I’m subconsciously worried about what white people (old people, my mother, whoever) think at that given moment, and I want the way I carry myself to be a direct rebuke to that kind of ignorance.

So yes, I sometimes have BO. We all do. But that’s why I use Right Guard–RIGHT-thinking actions GUARDing my dignity and personhood. And those who equate the actions of individuals with that of a collective entity invoke a special brand of laziness that the CDC better get started on funding research for. STAT.

Don’t be a stranger, now. Like it or not, you got mad love in this world.

I think one is limited to overcompensating for about ten to fifteen percent of the population. So while you feel the need to overcompensate for all black misbehavior, I have the luxury of only overcompensating for middle-class suburban white folks engaged in my particular line of work.

@ Rick, a telethon…that’s brilliant!!!
@ Therren, I agree that it is making up for the majority of people’s behavior, but when you live in an urban area, its often the same thing. I know its irrational and ridiculous, but i often succumb nonetheless. It’s like crying when someone dies in a movie. You know was totally fake, but you cry anyway dammit!

Sorry its been so long between posts, i have beset with a hot ghetto mess load of tech issues with the blog site. But I’m up and running now bitches!!!!

Glad to know that You’re up and running again. I can definitely agree with the elevator scenario-been there, cringed, and done that. I experience it all too often and can relate to dude on the table it wears me out. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who suffers from the B.O. ailment.

There’s now a term for what I do. LOL! Not only do I notice myself doing it, but I have noticed that the majority of the time when I do it I’m with a friend who is Black and usually asking the waiter/waitress/salesperson/random stranger a lot of questions that for soem reason I feel unnecessary.

In the situations where tipping’s concerned, I don’t know if it is overcompensating though because when I do it, I’ve sat there while the waiter or waitress has had to answer questions having to do with how much meat is actually in that dish. Is is cut up or whole and/or how big the portion is because my friend doesn’t feel as if it’s enough if there’s nothing left over to take home.

Speaking as a white guy, fight the stereotype extra hard because it’s a white stereotype to learn about black people more from television than from reality. We still have the dumb, “As long as I can go home and watch five hours of television, I don’t care,” mindset.

I’ve seen the full spectrum of black culture, but for all the oblivious housewives and sports nuts out there, they need something outside of Law and Order episodes to shape their opinions.

You are not alone. I’m of Irish descent, so I overcompensate in a different way: I don’t drink alcohol. Ever. I hope people say, “Well, at least one of them isn’t a chronic drunk.” People don’t believe me when I tell them there is no alcoholism/drunken behavior in my family of origin.

So glad you’re back, my sister! Loved, loved, loved your book. I’ve had the conversation about carrying the water of our more ig’nant bretheren, and even though I’ve resolved to discontinue doing so, it isn’t as easy as all that. So I too continue to over-tip and otherwise ameliorate the social faux pas of my peeps. You know, the natural concommitant of the B.O. phenomenon is the “Please Lord don’t let him/her/them be black” dynamic that many of us experience upon hearing about some tore up from the floor up shit on the news (think Octomom,etc.). And what has YouTube wrought for us as a people? Sigh…Guess I still need periodic Black People Refills…

I guess since I’ve traveled a lot with my (abroad and stateside) I have met many people, some of who I think secretly expect me to break out in a profane-laden, head waggin’, unintelligent conversation. I have been in cringe worthy elevator situations also. Whew!

“Whatever the cause of my affliction, I just know that I want the world to know how diverse and amazing and smart and loving my community is, and not get caught up in the media portrayals of pimps and bitches that, unfortunately, some of us are, all too often, proud to embrace.”

‘Nuff said in that paragraph.

Thanx Jam.

I guess I’m also conservative or is it just knowing when to “act right”?

Thank GOD I was innoculated at an early age and clearly there is no genetic dispostion in my family history for this “B.O.” thang you’ve got goin’ on.
But there IS hope for you.
After recounting a handful of the woes – from poor tipping to rudeness to poop bags – you go on to say you go into oveercompensation mode to atone for the stereotypicals.
Understanding these are stereotypes is the first step to the cure. Skin color doesn’t cause any of those behaviors and there isn’t any evidence of a cultural imperative directed lousy tipping, boorish behavior or an uncontrollable longing for chicken.
To quote one of the great thinkers and philosophers of our age, Forrest Gump, “stupid is as stupid does” and as it relates to my race, never the ‘twain shall meet. And anybody who judges it so has the problem. Not me.

Nice post. I am just seeing your writing for the first time and I think I am going to have to check out some more of it.

I think this is kind of analogous to the “white guilt” that many of my fellow white people fall victim too. The desire to do nearly anything you can to prove yourself not-a-racist. I succumbed the that malady in my earlier years until one of my black friends told me to cut it out as my over explanation of any comment was extremely annoying.

Hopefully we can both just treat people the way we want to be treated and not focus so much on the more negative aspects of our respective cultures.

@ Waymond, I will agree it’s not about race. Admittedly B.O. is irrational and I have no excuses. HOWEVER I think, living urban areas, as do rural areas or Southern areas or New england areas, one can notice certain patterns specific to certain folk. I think that’s just reality, period. After waiting tables for three years at a variety of places, no one will ever tell me that black folks being disproportionately bad tippers is just a stereotype.

That being said, bad behavior is bad behavior and I think, living in an urban area, one is just exposed more often to the bad behavior of those that happen to look like you. i think that is absolutely fair.

Congratulations for not inheriting the B.O gene. It must be nice to watch the news and NOT secretly think to yourself, “please dont be black” when you hear the tease for some horrific crime.

Yeah, I envy Waymond as well. When you hear that a criminal embezzled $100,000,000 you pretty much know he’s white. But when I hear they found a dead man and his North Face jacket is missing, I’m praying the perp aint black… but you just know he is.

I agree with Waymond and Mr. Vister…People are going to be who they are going to be – sometimes because they have no clue, sometimes because they have horrible home training, and a lot of times because they themselves are insecure. So your “B.O.” may be a knee-jerk reaction to their “B.O.” as well.

By the same token, while each of us is accountable for our actions as individuals – we can’t necessarily control group or individual perception of those actions. Regardless of how much you over-compensate (and really – all that you have described is only a problem if YOU feel like it’s a problem) – unenlightened people of other races will still judge the group unfavorably.

You are who you are, do what feels right in your heart, don’t rationalize it, be accountable for your own actions – be who you be. Smart, open minds know what’s up.

It’s from being raised by black people from an era when there was collective pride in the race. My parents were raised in Birminghanm Alabama during the height of the civil rights movement and felt responsible for not shaming us as a race by their behavior. They taught me it was not acceptable to act out in public because it would show no home training. I can remember as a small child whenever some incident was being discussed, my mother would ask my grandmother quietly, “us or them?” It wasn’t until I was a little older that I realized that she was trying to learn whether the perp was black or white, so she could die of shame if he was black. I also care how we are perceived, and am sometimes frustrated when I feel that I’m left holding the bag for others who don’t feel a responsiblity not to “embarass us”.

It’s very possible you received bad tips because you gave bad service. Especially if you say to yourself “here comes another bad tipping black person” before they even sit down. Bad tips from black folks just became a self-fulfilling prophecy for you. I can certainly see you serving people with an attitude and a chip on your shoulder. I’m black and I have no problem tipping well for good service. Were these black men or black women who tipped poorly? You’re gorgeous with a great smile so I don’t know what it could have been.

On another note, the way you deal with homeless people sounds like a good idea. I think I’ll adopt your method.

Im sure I had my off days in the service dept and when my service was bad i would never expect a good tip. I’m talking about giving great service and a couple tipping you $5 on a $100 check and feeling real pleased with themselves about it. Many folks thought they were really doing something. Others could care less and left some change.

Sometimes with a big party ( 6 or more) you would give them great service, they have a wonderful time, and then when they get the check and realize the gratuity is automatically added for large parties, suddenly the service was terrible and they shouldn’t have to pay it. A mess.

If you notice, in many urban areas, restaurants who serve majority black populations are starting to include the gratuity on the checks. Because they KNOW, and if the servers dont make money, they quit. And this is not just me, talk to any server. No, its not allllll black folks, but collectively, we are bad tippers. This is WIDELY known in the business. I hate that it’s true but seriously, it is.

I readily accept that I’m gonna catch hell for this, but my God, people…it KILLS me when I hear people whine about tipping. (invoking my inner Allen Iverson–good luck in Turkey,) we’re talking about TIPPING. As a consumer, I don’t pay your salary; that’s your bosses’ job. I have only one financial obligation at a restaurant, and that’s to pay for the meal I was served and had eaten. Period. Unless there’s a stated or otherwise understood stipulation to the contrary, server compensation are optional. Put simply, I feel that tips are EARNED, not MANDATED.

Now, before some of you lump me in with all the other selfish/obnoxioux/cheap bastards who don’t tip, let me state clearly that I tip proudly and consistently. I enjoy paying upwards of 40% (no typo) for outstanding service (or a pretty face, guilty), and personally letting both the server and management know it. But I’m not going to go overboard for standard or mediocre service (10-15% max), and if the service sucked, you’d better believe that the management is going to hear about it.

And though I say that tipping is optional, I accept that it’s also part of the deal (contradiction noted). If you can’t afford to leave the standard 15%, then you can’t afford to dine out. Just go ahead and swallow your pride, Big Spender, and chuck that Hungry-Man in the nuke.

But I digress. My point is that I know those jobs are hard and they suck. I know that those tips go a long way in paying the rent or metting your car note. And unlike other people, I also know that those tips also have to shared with the bartender, the busboys, and the dishwashers, leaving precious little for the waiters themselves. I get that; that’s why I tip as generously as I can (or your service allows). But don’t you ever imply to me that it’s my solemn duty to subsidize your income just because you put some bread and olive oil on my table.

The concept of tipping should be a mutual expression of goodwill between the guest and the server.

Great blog. I think we all as human beings overcompensate to some degree. I’m a six-foot tall, scary looking white guy (I’m in shape, covered with tattoos and have always had a natural scowl on my face even when I’m happy). I find myself being extra nice to people so they feel comfortable around me, so they don’t percieve me as some potentially violent goon, thug, racist, thief, etc etc. My wife said it best: To the people who know me, I’m the gentlest person in the world. But to those who don’t I look like I eat kittens and I might rip your throat out if you look at me funny.

I find myself hypercompensating – I don’t even wait for a black person to act a fool. I always amp up my diction and elocution whenever I casually converse with any white person. If I happen to have a book or magazine on me in public I make sure every white person can see it’s Voltaire or Vonnegut or The New Yorker and not Dan Brown or SLAM. I just want to force that subconcious “he doesn’t seem like a black” response I imagine most white people I encounter experience. That in and of itself is problematic, I realize but it’s America after all. No amount of therapy is going to address that much history.

Man, talk about a fantastic post! I?ve stumbled across your blog a few times within the past, but I usually forgot to bookmark it. But not again! Thanks for posting the way you do, I genuinely appreciate seeing someone who actually has a viewpoint and isn?t really just bringing back up crap like nearly all other writers today. Keep it up!

@ Felicia, thank you so much for your positive feedback about the book! I really appreciate the support and you taking the time to read it. Thanks!!!!!

@Therren. Look, 15% tip in a restaurant IS standard unless the service is bad. If folks don’t want to pay that stay home. Its like the people who let the bellhop carry all their 10 bags to the room and then give them a handshake. Believe me, Ive heard that “its not my responsibility to pay your salary” line a THOUSAND times. If you cannot afford a tip in your budget, stay the hell home.

Jam, I am so sorry that I didn’t make my position clear. I don’t trip about tipping. I may have strong opinions about it, but I do so often and generously. Like I said, it’s always been an accepted practice, and I DID previously say before that if you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford the service. That goes for the wait staff, the bellhops, the barber, and so on. But the cashier at Starbucks can ride a fat one. Sorry.

That said, I stand by my opinion (well, I find it to be the truth, but concede that such a phrase renders it an opinion nonetheless) that consumers have no obligation to the staff outside of paying for services rendered. It’s not because I feel that they’re beneath me in any sort of way (ever been a field artillery private coming straight out of college? Talk about a humbling experience!); I just honestly feel that tips are supplemental (and if I’m correct, they’re taxed that way–but if someone corrects me, thanks in advance for making me a little less ignorant today) and thus optional. And as a public servant, I would be remiss not to say that it’s more condescending to hear people tell me (or a cop, teacher, fireman, politician…you get the idea) that they ACTUALLY ARE paying my salary, as if I don’t shell out a grip in FICA, either.

I said upfront that my post wasn’t going to be popular, but you have to accept that it’s also not unfair. Please re-read my post; I really don’t go about my day striving to be a jerk for no reason.

Tips are taxed the exact same as regular income. Most servers make much less than minimum wage with the thinking that the tips will be the bulk of the salary. But there is no difference in how it is reported or taxed. I understand your position, after being a server, i just have a bee in my bonnet about that.

As for the Starbucks people and other places that just stick a random “tip” jar by the cash register, yes, they can suck it. on that we can agree.

I think it has to do with who you interact with …..If you work around azzclowns you don’t want be labled one just because your the same race…especially if the only ones cutting a fool are us….I think its a deep seeded fear we have of being sterotyped…Also when the only images of us are usually the most ignorant pictures of black society, sometimes you feel like you have to prove different…Nothing is wrong with that..But the Starbuck’s barista gets nada…thats like tipping at McDOnalds…

I’m new on this site, but this is the best article I’ve seen in a long time when it comes to our culture and who we are as a people..which is widely varied. I too decided to take a different path from the people I was surrounded by and conditioned to be like..I embraced my ‘ weirdness’ and for that I’m being rewarded in my everyday life.

I loved reading this…I think that’s why some of us come to this site though. I was told to come to this site to get a sense of relief and humor…at my own people..which is sad..but people of ALL races make BAD choices..it’s not just blacks.

and we as human beings…have this sort of right to laugh at others ignorance and beligerance….at least that’s what society wants us to believe.

I thought I was the only one, until I did a post similar to this on Facebook last week. I always always tip a minimum of 20% unless the service is horrible but I try to go over that amount. I’ve heard black servers complaining about blacks not tipping. The complex is real and it’s alarming that it’s sometimes felt necessary

Yeah, I feel you. Sometimes, though, you have to draw the line in the sand and say, “I am not going to allow my individual character be aligned with the ignorance of a collective few. My actions speak of myself first, and any semblance to my (enter demographic) is secondary.”

I am not bitten by the B.O. problem, issue, whatever. I don’t know where you live but I work with black professionals, no cursing in the elevator, no real loud talking. Its not just us that doesn’t pick up the dog poo or are rude to customer service. PLEASE! I’m polite if they provide the service, tip if service is provided and as for the homeless, I give from the heart not expecting anything. I will be blessed if I should be. I compensate for myself only. Get a grip people we HAVE come a long way.

I think this is an appropriate old school mentality. We grew up feeling or rather, knowing that we represented all Black people. It’s like the spirit of Jackie Robinson and those brave students who first integrated Little Rock speak to us. Sadly todays Black youth have no conception of this spirit of Black Pride. They call themselves, “N’s” and gangsta’s as if these were something to be prideful of.

I don’t really know how to respond, but a part of me felt hurt at the beginning of this blog. I am a young black woman, I’m educated and smart, but I also use slang sometimes and tend to be loud and happy around my friends every once in a while. I also notice the ignorance that some other young black people emit, but I don’t feel as if I have to make up for them. People are going to have their assumptions and stereotypes about us whether we want them to or not. I sum it all up into this little thing called racism. It’s not just white people who stereotype or black people who get stereotyped, some of us also characterize white people as rednecks with their nooses and white masks out to get us. Just like us, this is true about some, not so much about others.

No, I think you are right. What your doing is standing up for you believe is right. I agree with every point you make. But I like to think of it as a equal oppourtunity race equalizer. If I see white people acting stereo-typical or being rude I call them out on it. I feel the need to correct there wrongs and its not a disorder I think its that we are the very few sane people left in this world. We hold our selves to higher standards of humanity and if others would too the world would be in a much better place. I am white by the way but I feel its necessary to correct any stereotype issues or address people who feel the need to act in such a foolish manner. At the end of the day its called morals and standards of which people have very little of these days.

I am just absorbing the points of the post and find that I can just about agree with every opinion listed. I still ask if it was “us or them” when something of tragic circumstances happens… I give the “wha’s sup” nod when discretely passing folk of color in the professional environment and always insure my vernacular is on point when being observed and overheard in public…
I, too suffer from..B.O.

I want to start by saying that I’m a white waitress, and I’ve never been stiffed by a black person, ever (OK, Tommy Frasier, but he’s a special case as a former athlete)(or an Asian, as long as we’re talking stereotypes). Others I know have, but I’ve never seen that stereotype first hand. Old people and unattractive middle aged white women are the worst tippers, in my experience.
Anyway.
I’m just jumping into commenting without reading the previous comments, so I apologize if this has been covered. But sometimes I have W.O. I want to prove to every ‘minority’ I meet that no matter who else they may have met, I am not racist. And in a way, I think that shows that I am stereotyping still, because of my assumption that ‘hey, you’re a different skin color, you must assume I’m racist’.
I think it’s unfair that you (or any of us) feel you have something to prove. You know you’re a decent human being, and it will show in your actions without overcompensating.
And sorry for the novel, I’ve had a few drinks and feel chatty.

I don’t have to impress anyone or make anyone feel comfortable. I’m Black, proud of it, and don’t give a shit. If you jumped to conclusion because of my color, go eat a dick, because we all quest for the same thing in this short life.

B.O. aside, may I remind everyone of something called the Golden Rule? Black or White, doesn’t matter, treat others as you would wish to be treated. That principle is 10,000 years old and is found in every culture in every time for a reason.

Honestly, considering some of the reviews I’ve gotten at work for “attitude and demeanor,” this just sounds like good old fashioned survival instincts in a society where status, respect and inclusion is disproportionately out of our reach; but still just accessible enough for the extra effort to be worth it. When you’re different from everyone else, every thing you do, good or bad, will attract more attention than other people’s actions; so, yeah, if you want the same opportunities or treatment as others, you’ll have to overcompensate.

I understand where you’re coming from, but I think that what you are doing is unnecessary. I know that there are plenty of negative stereotypes about black people in this society, but as long as you know that you are not a part of those then you’re fine. You may feel the need to counteract every stereotype that you encounter, which I don’t think is a bad thing, but it’s not your responsibility. I’m saying this because I used to feel like you feel. I went to a majority white high school and I was usually the only black student in my honors classes. I would always feel this pressure to do better than everyone else so that the teacher would not look at me as just another dumb black kid. That’s just too much pressure for one person to handle. In your case, I think that your heart’s in the right place, but there’s no need to put that extra pressure on yourself to represent an entire race of people, even your own. You are only responsible for yourself, and even though some people may judge the whole from the actions of a few, you can’t worry about what people may think. The people that you mentioned in your story behaved ignorantly, and that is a reflection of them, not you. You can’t hold yourself responsible for individuals that you don’t even know just because they happen to be black just like you. Just be true to yourself and live for yourself and not for the opinions of other people.

I know how it feels too, when I got through living the stereotype- as I saw these things growing up and emulated them – I started to realize, upon entering the workforce, that it isn’t acceptable. I truly want our people to change these bad behaviors, the reason that I think it won’t be possible is that these stereotypes are what comprised us as a race during the times of struggle ( Civil Rights movement, slavery ). That’s where the chicken, cornbread, collard greens and watermelon stereotypes began and, lo and behold, after almost a century, they’re still clouding us. In order for us to make any REAL progress we have to change the way WE see our race instead of putting on a show to live up to the stereotypes so that we can ‘ fit in ‘. Strength, togetherness and tragedy bonded us then, but what do we have to hold us together now when we’re more of a divided race today than slavery made us years ago?

“Living stereotype” I wholeheartedly agree. In the 70′s those stereotypes were all that was available to the rebellious as examples of “not white” behavior. It’s a damn shame too because somehow it coalesced with crass materialism. Attempting to purchase happiness through materialism while embracing behaviors that are the antithesis of successful capitalist behavior (which wold be higher education and successful upper-middle class “white” employment) is quite a stretch!

I’m afraid sometimes that I might be viewed as rasist because of the idiots that share the color of my skin in the media. I can’t stand it when people make ignorant remarks in view of the public. When something happens around me, I try to do my best to show that not all white people think that way.

I’ve decided that I haven’t been giving enough credit to others. It is wrong of me to think that someone will hear or see something and think that we are all like that. I know that there are people out there that don’t catigorize others based on their race. I accept people on a case by case basis, and I think that in most cases, the same courtesy is given to me.

I just wanted as a white person, we don’t only notice the bad behavior of someone from a different race. we also notice the good. I kind of see it as an unfortunate coincidence when someone acts out a stereotype, not as the norm. Sometimes when I am around a black person I don’t I worry if I look at them the wrong way they might secretly think I am being racist, because I have heard stories and I know black people sometimes perceive things the wrong way. But I know its kind of silly we shouldn’t be self conscious around each other we should just be chill. You don’t have anything you need to prove.

I, too, feel the need to compensate for stereotypes about my race, but I have another form of compensation issues. Not only do I have to (in my mind) overcompensate to counteract the negative stereotypes placed on black people, but I have to never give anyone a reason to say, “you’re just coasting on your skin color” or, “you just got it because of affirmative action.” I am a light-skinned woman, and I figure that if I try to be perfect (which is impossible), not only will I negate the stereotypes associated with my race, but I will negate the stereotype associated with my skin color.

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What you are doing is only what every race that has negative stereotypes should be doing. And all races have their negative stereotypes. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and usually where there is smoke there it’s a little fire. So to try to do your part to correct that is a service to your race. I live in the south and am a white dude. I take every opportunity to promote racial equality because that is our stereotype, unfortunately. We should all do this.

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