Fepubary is the new Movember

Hoping to emulate the success of Movember, the charity fad that has raised millions of dollars for testicular cancer research over the last several years, bored activists in California have announced the inauguration of “Fepubary.”

People who would normally shave or carefully trim their pubic hair for reasons of aesthetics, hygiene or sexual sensitivity are being encouraged to let it grow out next month — all for charity.

“We’re hoping to raise at least a million dollars for research into the causes of low testosterone in young men,” said Henry Schlon, a 52-year-old student from Los Angeles who says he came up with the idea of Fepubary while watching 1970s porn movies as research for his PhD thesis exploring the interface between postmodern pornography and neocolonial feminist literature.

Schlon says that the vast acreages of pubic hair on display in classic films such as “Deep Throat” and “Debbie Does Dallas” inspired him to try the unshaved look “down there” for himself. But at the same time, he says that he wanted to “give something back” to society.

“Personally, I’ve seen friends who wanted to show everyone how caring they were by trying to grow a moustache for Movember, and after a couple of weeks it just looks like they’ve got dark cappuccino froth on their upper lip,” said Schlon.

“By the end of November, some of them are lucky if they have a poor facsimile of an emaciated baby caterpillar under their nose. Showing off your lack of testosterone like that… Well let’s just say it’s not exactly a chick magnet.”

“People don’t like to mock them because they’re doing it for a good cause, but frankly it’s pretty humiliating,” he added. Why some people have trouble growing full and bushy moustaches, and possible links with low testosterone counts, is part of the research Schlon hopes to fund.

“I’m not going to beat about the bush,” Schlon told the Dandy Goat’s charity fad correspondent. “A million dollars is a pretty ambitious target, but I think we can do it.”

A portion of the money raised will also go to fund research into combating the unpleasant itching sensation that many people experience when shaved pubic hair begins to grow back. Schlon is already working on a campaign to further fund that cause, which he has tentatively named “Cocktober.”