Apologizing to your friend can be even harder than realizing that you've acted poorly. To truly apologize to a friend, you have to be sincere, admit your mistakes, and let your friend know how much he or she means to you. This may sound easier said than done, but if you swallow your pride and follow these steps, you'll be on the way to making up with your friend in no time.

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Steps

Part 1 of 3: Setting the Groundwork

1

Do it in person if you can. Unless you and your friend live far away from each other, your best bet is to apologize to your friend in person. Though doing things like sending flowers or cards or giving your friend a nice gift can help endear your friend to you if you don't live near each other, if you do this kind of thing instead of just talking to your friend face to face, you run the risk of looking cowardly. If you want your apology to sound sincere and for your friend to see that you really mean it, then no expensive gift or ornate bouquet is going to beat a face-to-face meeting.[1]

If your friend is really far away, of course, you don't have to go too far out of your way to apologize.

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2

Pick the right time to do it. You have to assess your particular situation to see when you should apologize. Is it pretty minor, like not showing up to your friend's party when you said you would, or is it something serious, like hooking up with your friend's boyfriend? If it's something more minor, then you should act fast and apologize to your friend as soon as you both have some free time. If your friend needs some time for her wounds to heal, then you should give her some time to cool off first -- this could take weeks, or even months.

You should know your friend better than most people. Is he or she the kind of person who needs a lot of time to cool off, or who forgives pretty easily?

If you know your friend is going to be under an incredible amount of stress that week or is dealing with something personal, then you may want to hold off a bit, even if you're dying to apologize.

3

Plan what you're going to say. You don't have to write it down or anything unless you're really, really nervous about it, but you should have a general sense of what you're going to tell your friend so you don't end up forgetting to say something important, or worse, saying something that comes off the wrong way and which you completely regret because you haven't really planned out the logistics of your apology. An apology should come from the heart, of course, but having a game plan never hurt anybody. Here are some things you should include, which will be explained more in the next section:

Full responsibility for what you've done.

An apology for how the other person is feeling.

Showing how grateful you are for the friendship.

Plans for changing and doing something nice in the future.

4

Make the first move when it's time. When you find that it's time to apologize, don't dilly dally and wait for your friend to approach you. If your friend approaches you about what you've done, then you already run the risk of looking like a wimp or a bad friend, so strike while the iron is hot (but when your friend has cooled off). Make apologizing to your friend a priority when the time is right and promise yourself that you'll do it as soon as possible if you want your friend to truly accept your apology.

Part 2 of 3: Apologizing to Your Friend

1

Accept full responsibility. If you really want to apologize to your friend, then you have to accept full responsibility for what you have done to him or her. If you don't think you should really apologize, are mad at your friend for doing something else, or think that your friend is overreacting and being dramatic, then don't even bother. There's nothing worse than an insincere apology and if you think there's something else you need to discuss, then talk to your friend about that instead. But if you are ready to accept full responsibility, then you have to acknowledge what you did wrong completely.[2]

Say something like, "I know I really let you down when I didn't go to your birthday party. I know how much it meant to you."

You can also say, "I am so sorry that I kissed your crush last week. I don't know what I was thinking, and I've been kicking myself over it ever since. Your friendship means way more to me than a dumb boy."

Avoid excuses at all costs. Don't say, "I'm sorry that I didn't go to your party, but..." Giving an excuse for what you did is worse than not apologizing at all.

2

Say you're sorry. That's right. This is the most important part. Suck it up and spit it out. Say, "I'm really sorry that I did that." Or, "I'm really sorry that I..." Make it clear that you are sorry about something that you've done to hurt your friend. This may be the hardest task, so take a deep breath, make eye contact with your friend, maybe even give him or her a reassuring touch, and say that you are really sorry.

Don't say something like, "I'm sorry if I hurt you..." or "I'm sorry that you were so upset..." This makes it sound like you are really blaming your friend and that you don't think you've done anything wrong.

You can show emotion when you do this, but not so much that you end up playing the victim and your friend ends up feeling sorry for you.

3

Apologize for how you've made your friend feel. After you accept responsibility for what you've done and have said that you were sorry, you have to acknowledge that you've really hurt your friend and show that you're aware of how you have made your friend feel. This will make your friend see that you have put a lot of thought and effort into considering every angle of what you've done, and that you feel really terrible about your actions.

Say something like, "I can't imagine how disappointed you were when I didn't show up to your birthday party. You have been planning it for such a long time and I know you wanted it to be perfect."

Or, "I know you were incredibly hurt when I kissed Collin. You have had a crush on him for months and must have been heartbroken."

4

Show how important your friendship is. Let your friend see that your friendship is more important than anything else in the world and that you know that you need to redefine your priorities in the future. Your friend should see that whatever you did wasn't worth it and that you wish that you could start over and put your friend first in mind instead.

Say, "I missed your birthday party because my cousin begged me to help her shop for a prom dress. I shouldn't have done that. I made a commitment to you and should have told my cousin to wait."

Say, "I can't believe what I did with Collin. He means nothing to me and you mean everything to me. Our friendship is more important to me than any romantic relationship."

5

Promise that you're going to change. After you've said your part, you still have to show that you're not just going to say you're sorry and go back to your old ways again. Your friend has to see that you've really thought about the future and that you won't repeat the same mistakes again. If you're just going to keep hurting your friend over and over again, then he or she won't trust you or believe that anything different is on the horizon.[3]

Say, "I'll never flake on you again. I won't just leave you high and dry in the future. When I say I'll be somewhere, I'll be there."

Say, "I'll never try to even flirt with someone you have a crush on. I know how much your crushes mean to you and I won't ever interfere with your romantic life again."

6

Suggest something nice that you can do together. After you've promised to change, you can add a nice afterthought to show your friend that you want to continue the friendship and that you want to make him or her feel good. Think of what would make your friend really happy and suggest that you should do it together. Of course, you should only do this if it looks like your friend is ready to forgive you.

Say, "Maybe we could go to Rita's for some gelato? My treat."

Say, "I've been promising to teach you how to paint forever. Want to come over on Sunday? I'll set up my studio for us."

7

Ask for forgiveness. After you've said all of the things you've had to say, ask your friend, "Will you forgive me?" Hopefully your friend will see how much your friendship means to you and will forgive you right away. Then you can hug, show how happy you are, and be relieved that you made it through the apology. And if your friend needs a little more time and won't forgive you, at least you can tell yourself that you tried.

You can also say, "Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" if it was a bigger mistake.

Part 3 of 3: Apologizing to Your Friend in Other Ways

1

Write a letter to your friend saying sorry. When writing you letter, make sure it's sincere and apologetic. Show your friend how truly sorry you are through the letter but remember that even if you write a letter, you still have to talk to your friend face to face. This can be a nice gesture if you don't live near your friend or if this is really the best way for you to articulate your thoughts.

You can also send an email apologizing to your friend if that helps you get your feelings out there.

2

Send flowers. This is a more dramatic peace offering but it can help make your friend feel better and like you've really made an effort. Include a small card that also says your sorry so your friend feels more special. Not everyone will be impressed, though, and this can be seen as your attempt to cover up something you did.

3

Apologize to your friend over the phone. If you and your friend live far apart, then the best way to apologize may be over the phone. Just call your friend, be sincere, and do the same things you would do in person: accept responsibility, apologize, promise to never do it again, ask for forgiveness, etc. This may be a little harder because it'll be more challenging to read your friend and see how he or she is actually feeling.

4

Avoid apologizing over text or social media. If you're really sorry for something you've done, then sending a text message or Facebook message just isn't going to cut it. This is pretty impersonal and doesn't show much effort on your part. Sure, it's harder to suck it up and call the person or talk to him or her face to face, but this shows that you actually care about about the friendship.[4]

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Tips

Don't talk often to him/her. Time can sometimes heal the broken after a while, you two should be missing each other and wanting the friendship again.

Write him/her a brief note stating how you feel.

Possibly get him/her a present.

Explain the situation you were in.

Warnings

Don't assume you both will make up just like that. It might take some time.

Words and even peace offerings are cheap. The offended is likely to be "once bitten, twice shy" and remain unconvinced until you show by doing. Demonstrating change through action is more trustworthy. It is also forward looking.