Crazy- Breast Cancer Part 3

‘Blue Nude’ Roy Lichtenstein

I’m not in charge…I’ve abdicated. I have to let the white coats sort it. Like Jerry passed it over to me. Like other friends are working as a team with their partners. I have been sorting myself out with energy and industry for 15 fucking years and I’m knackered.

Yes, I can sort my kids. Yes, I can sort my career. But no, I CANNOT be in charge of this. And this cancer is part of me, I grew it. I didn’t mean to but it’s there. I feel weirdly maternal. The only other things I have grown are babies.

I know you all want the best, I know you would all help if you were here.

Women friends are helping. My sons are helping. My daughter is helping by loving life in Greece and showing me how strong she is.

I don’t want to Google, drink carrot juice or give up dairy. I don’t want to read that sodding fat folder they gave me at Barts with the awful photos of dull but worthy nursing staff and patients with grim hair. Or the leaflet explaining Nuclear Medicine Node Scan.