A blog about living polygamy

Main menu

Post navigation

Polygamy, and the Nature of Man and Woman: Part 2

One of the most frequent lies from muslim polygamy apologists is that polygyny is natural based on the differences between the sexes. The topic has been discussed on this blog several times, proving the absurd falsehood of this argument.

A muslim scholar wrote:

Lastly, there is the component of rebellion. It is human nature on part of man that he simply cannot tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with his wife. In the case of polygyny, the jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband. In polyandry however, both men are on equal footing. As has been noted above, besides gender any other impartial variable available is absent which gives rise to a vacuum ready to be filled with adversity. When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.

A woman can not tolerate someone else having conjugal relationships with her husband either. It is inherently evil to us, disgusting and nauseating. Women “tolerate” it on the same basis people tolerate being beaten, raped, enslaved. Women tolerate it to survive. Women tolerate it in order to keep from going insane. Women tolerate it out of fear. Women tolerate it to be allowed paradise after death since they are doomed by polygyny to live in hell here on earth.

If a man is chained to a wall, physically or psychologically, he “tolerates” somebody making love to his wife too, even while he is obliged to watch.

That’s the basic truth.

“The jealousy of a woman is curbed by the leadership of her husband”. How, may I ask? How did the mere presence of my husband’s leadership curb my jealousy? Did you, dear scholar, ask any women about this? Any single woman? Because this is such major BS I can’t believe you managed to get it out of your head and down on paper. It isn’t “the leadership of her husband” that makes a woman try to survive polygyny. Nor is it her love for her husband. Do you want to know what it is?

“When women fight, they pull each other’s hair. When men fight, they go to war.”. This is actually an argument in favour of polyandry and against polygyny. Yes, men go to war. Men kill each other. Men beat and kill women. So, any loving and wise god would make MEN submit to polyandry and sharing and working on their lower instincts, since they are obviously the ones who need it!

The falsehoods, misogyny, heresy and sanctimoniousness of muslim scholars never ceases to amaze me.

But even more, it amazes me that women buy into this nauseous toxic goo.

Aww please dont feel sorry for me. I never lost nor feel embarrassed. Although the disscussion with nafisa got personal in places, I admit I had an ulterior motive. Her kind are the “overall subject” we learn. I never expected one of them to pop up on polygamy911, it was a shock, polygamy is usally very popular amongst them. Yes, she does like to argue, thats why its so easy to catch them lol. She did well, Muhammad ibn Abd al-Wahhab would be proud.

Fiona, sorry I used this platform for research. I couldn’t resist the opportunity. Especially given her case.

Says the one who’s always arguing with everyone else on this blog. You’re the only person who’m everyone seems to have butted heads with, at one time or another. So tell me were you doing research on them too? Lol Sots, you sound like a very bitter, scorned woman, now trying to come up with excuses to make yourself look better in the eyes of the readers. Happy researching!

Flowergirl, thanks for the advice you’re rights Sots should stop picking fights she knows she can’t win. But it’s okay, she doesn’t mind Making a fool of herself, didn’t you hear, it’s all in the name of research :D.

You’re also right about me, I shouldn’t use my knowledge to embarrass people who know less than me. It’s really not a fair fight so I will try to be more kind to Sots.

I fogot to tell you it was me in the email. Yeah, sometimes a person in polygamy just needs some space. It could be a good idea for all involved to have a mini holiday separate from each other. My husband went abroad earlier this year I cant tell you how relaxing it was. It become clear that she was the only problem, I didnt feel any resentment or anger towards any them, it was surprising. Did you here about the boys who went missing in Wales? A body was washed up this morning, so sad for the parents, I think they was only 15 years old. I couldn’t imagine losing one of my children.

We are many strong, intelligent and knowledgable people here. I’m grateful for that. I love a good debate. We should all be able to challenge each other’s views, that’s part of the purpose of this blog. But I hope we can all try and do it in a respectful and somewhat dignified manner. Each and every one of you is valuable to me. You teach me, support me, argue with me. I want to thank you for that. Thanks for being you, and being here.

Sots,
You said “My husband went abroad earlier this year I cant tell you how relaxing it was. It become clear that she was the only problem, I didnt feel any resentment or anger towards any them, it was surprising.”
So your husband went abroad and you felt better. That means you felt better in his absence. How did you conclude that she was the problem? Did he go abroad alone of with his other wife?

Fiona and Sots, i too have been thinking a lot these days how it might feel to lose a child. I just had a miscarriage. It was my first pregnancy. I didnt take long to accept it but i keep wondering how it might feel to lose a grown child. I always look for answers and comfort in nature and feeling one with all life on earth. Thats the reason i think I felt sad but at the same time i am at peace. I think problem comes when we humans think of us as special and different from rest of the life of earth. When we really aren’t. Yes there is some cognitive difference and by our own point of view we might think of us as superiors thats why we feel the need for a justification for things that happen in our life or for what our fate is after death. But if we feel one with nature everything is really simple. How i though about my miscarriage is that every seed we plan in garden is guaranteed to germinate, if it germinates there is still a chance that seedling may die. Many environmental factors, predators, storms and so on cut short plant.animal life. Why do we think we are any different. Its just that we use our brain to protect us, build shelters for us but like every other life form we are mortal. It is painful when we lose a loved one. Its more painful when we have shared a life with them, talked to them had deep conversations, love with them but i think its possible to be sad but at peace. Thats what my connection with nature through caring for plants and soil gives me. I think it gives me a lot of strength and humility. This is the only real thing that i have found comforting and have solid proof that it works and gives me peace.

Dale, I am sure you share some of my feelings as well. I am sorry for your loss. I hope gardening therapy helps you to feel at peace and hope you will soon be able to smile about some memories you shared with your father when you think of him now.

No, he didn’t go with her. That would have been anything but relaxing. I cant say im happier in his absence because it really depends on the day. I can be in a good mood when hes here and when his not. His absence or presence doesn’t usally affect my mood, generally . Shes a constant presence in my life because of him, when he was abroad (he was gone for a while) I forgot she even exsisted. I was still in contact with him several times a day. I missed him, I still love him, hes still my husband but she wasnt an issue, she wasnt ‘around’ . Its was clear we could still be happy together, he could tell me all his goings on, all about his day etc. He cant do that when hes with her half the nights and part of the day. We hadn’t lost our bond or friendship or love. Its just interupted when he goes to her. Were like branches of a tree growing apart and back together every couple of days. When he was abroad we only grew closer, we grew together. Without interruption. Also its irritating to have to consdier someone else. You know I dont particularly like her but I still consider her and be kind by sending gifts and not demanding time to be made up if she needs him in an emergency. It was nice to not be on a schedule. It can be so disrupting to ones life, especially when it comes to planning and you have to check the schedule to see if your doing it alone or with your husband. Polygamy isnt just a pain in the heart, its a pain in arse (A term for annoying, for those who dont know,)

I cant even think about losing one of my children without crying. When one of children was 3 months old, I turned to the moses basket to find him seriously struggling to breath, he looked like he was drowning. My alarm had gone off for fajr prayer, and if it wasn’t that I had to get up to pray I fear I would have been sleeping and he would have died. My husband was panicking and crying on the phone to the ambulance, while I tried to save him. Alhamdulilah, he lived and is fine. But those moments were horrific. Iv had miscarriages too, so sad. Im glad you’ve found peace in your life. It was a lovely post, laila.

Fiona, We informed you previously too that we aren’t able to see the pending comments anymore. Once we submit a comment it disappears then we only see it once you approve it. Not a big in convenience but if its a simple setting that might turn on the feature. I will appreciate that.

Hope all is well with you and Graham. When i read Sots and your posts how you didnt want to give ultimatum to your husbands i feel Graham might feel same way about you and Mark.

I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage Laila. It must have been a disappointment and a grievance though; expecting a new life and your new-born to develop inside you and arrive in this world. I hope you have opportunity to have your own children again.

Thank you for your opinions on nature and the life around us when we are in nature. That and the article you posted are reasons why I am glad to have left the religion I followed. I think the fairy tales and concepts of heaven and hell I have been brought up with collectively actually hurt me and made me feel more selfish as a person.

I had an older brother who used to be seven years older to me. He died when I was six. Now people might expect a girl of that age to pretty much move on. But no, even as a child I have memories of him, and I miss him as my brother, and someone who has been my flesh and blood.

I know this has not been an easy time for you, having your own father for so long, and now he has passed away. My sincere condolences for you. Laila mentioned on the gardening therapy and spending time in nature, Also you need some quiet time and peace for yourself.

Also, I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I suffered one too, between my two grown children. I was fortunate enough to get pregnant again almost immediately, that helped. But the sense of loss was enormous.

/Fleeting loneliness comes to all of us occasionally, but it solidifies into something deeper and darker for those who start to perceive the world as a harsh and hostile place, one that wouldn’t welcome efforts to connect even if you try. It’s that nagging feeling of rejection, of not belonging or standing somehow apart from others, that is the true hallmark of feeling lonely in a crowd, and it’s by no means the preserve of the old.//

Yes, this pretty much sums up my loneliness. And to ‘feel’ rejected by the one you love is truly devastating. Although my husband didn’t exactly reject me, he did reject ‘us two’ in place for ‘us three’. He just coming round to my definitions of betrayal, trust, and compainionship. Betrayal didnt mean he broke a promise, trust doesn’t mean he lied and loss of compainionship didn’t mean he left me…..completely. No, it was deeper than that. He professes that he is alone more than me, which may be true but hes not lonely……..well I didn’t think he was but he seems to have the sadness look that I see in the eyes of polygamous woman. Did your husband become lonley fiona?

Thank you Laila and Fiona for those lovely articles. Dale and Laila I’m sorry for your losses. I’ve never lost a child or had a miscarriage. But I’ve witnessed how painful it can be. When I was living abroad, we stopped in Yemen to visit this very poor area for a couple months. The living conditions were so bad, I never came across a family who hadn’t lost at least one of their children to illness. One particular death hit me the hardest. One of my neighbors had a 2 year old girl, she would come and play with my children almost everyday. One morning as my family and I were leaving to another city for the day, she was playing by herself in the street. We waved goodbye to her, expecting to see her at a later time. In the evening when we returned she had passed away from a virus. Her mother refused to cry, saying in Arabic “alhamdulillah she was innocent Allah will grant her jannah” but the look of pain in her eyes is one I’ve never forgotten, I tear up every time I think of it.

I cant say he was ever excited. I knew of his intentions before he knew, that I knew. So I was definitely looking for a change in behaviour. There was nothing, except he seemed to strangley worried by the whole thing. I had firstly put this dowm to guilt, but then he told me. I wasnt angry outwardly because I had already had time to digest the idea. From my behaviour he had no reason to be guilty, initially.

He was very calculated (I put this down to him being a mathematician) 2 wives, divide the nights, add the expenses, equal rights. He forgot my feelings cannot be subtracted, divided or multiplied with a simple equation. Add more love, increase the compliments, subtract the pain.

I think the reality hit him the day he married he her, he contacted me saying he missed me already, he loves me etc. I wont repeat what I told him to do.

Why? The crying didnt stop, the anger didnt subside, his new wife was no longer on her best behaviour. He hasn’t been happy since the day before married her, since I could no longer hold it in. He didnt know my hurt would hurt him, he didn’t know he would miss me as much, he didnt know his body would long to be next to mine. He didnt know he could lose me.The only answer is “I didnt know”

That is it! When husbands tell their wife they still love her, they are just able to love another without taking anything from her – this is what first wives should tell their husband’s. It is a rejection and betrayal of the “us”.

I think the emotional loneliness comes from the wall of silence. The husband can no longer share everything with and confide in either wife without betraying the other wife. There are no go subjects, things that can’t be discussed because it will hurt one wife’s feelings or betray her trust etc.

Sots, I think it very obvious why you were happy when your husband was on vacation. Others who are/were in polygamy can tell better but i think knowing that he is not with co wife was the main reason you felt better. Otherwise when he is with her its clearly painful and when he is with you, you know he will soon leave to be with her. I dont think it says anything about your cowife. Its all about you wanting your husband for yourself alone and having access to talk to him whenever you want.

Fiona, You mentioned getting pregnant again almost immediately. If you dont mind asking was it an early miscarriage (within first 3 months) and did you concieve immediately even before you got your period. I know its very personal info but i read so much and didnt find any research based clear info. One thing is clear that previous practice of doctors telling women to wait for 3 months was not based on any research. Doctors now agree that there is no good reason for that especially for women who miscarry early without any invasive procedures and risk for injury to uterus. Recent research says women have increased fertility in 3 months window after miscarriage (although thats not the issue because we got pregnant the very first month i made an effort to test for ovulation!). I am reading so many stories online of women who got pregnant immediately after miscarriage and had healthy babies. It seems there is no research on this topic. They just recommend to wait at least one cycle to make it easy to predict your pregnancy week more accurately.

Yes, that and when he came back it was my nights. He wasnt with her during his time away and he hadnt been with her when he returned home. For me, its not him leaving, it when he comes back from her. But the rest of what I said still is the truth. I didnt chose her to be in my life, so its annoying to plan around her. Theres no time I cant contact him, even if its just for a chat. We discussed this and his statment was “you are my wife, im never off limits to you” some people have an emergency only rule. We dont have that.

Sots,
“when he came back it was my nights. He wasnt with her during his time away and he hadnt been with her when he returned home.”
I am glad you had some peaceful time and a little break from routine schedule. Was it harder or same when he went to her after vacation and spending time with you

It was harder in the sense that Id missed him and I wanted to spend longer with him to catch up. To be honest, for the past few months the only time I get upset is if I think about the early days of polygamy, and if she does one of her irritating, childish tantrums, even then it doesnt upset me it just sends me on a ‘get over it b!!ch, this is wha you asked for’ tirade. I cant stand a whiny 2nd wife.

Speaking on a different topic, the more I read on the terrorism issues going on almost daily in Europe, and the open borders of EU with limited immigration controls, the more I understand and applaud Britain’s decision to go for Brexit.

Europe’s politicians have been insane to put up their political correctness and outright lies regarding the terrorism issues going on, and to avoid pointing finger at the cultures of other races by using the term “multiculturalism”. Some of the regressive liberals even have “white guilt”, and have been undermining their own culture in favor of others.They need to introduce laws to get the immigrants to integrate into their culture. Integration is necessary. Otherwise Europe won’t represent European cultures anymore, and will represent pockets of other cultures throughout their country. If there are “no-go zones” that will make it worse, and there are already many no-go zones appearing throughout Europe, after the recent influx of migrants into their countries.

Hi Fiona, how are you doing? I hope you are doing good, I am constantly checking for updates, but there is nothing new since August… I really hope you are fine, sending lots of positive vibes. Take care and be safe!