Rewards are Better than Punishment: Here’s Why

Many a child developmental professional will advise parents to try to ignore children's bad behavior and reward their good behavior. As most parent's know, this is sometimes easier said than done. After all, bad behavior can be so irritating that it is difficult not to respond to, that is, to ignore. It takes real discipline.

Some parents might object to ignoring bad behavior because they see it, understandably perhaps, as their responsibility to correct the child's misbehavior. Ignoring it may seem like tolerating if not rewarding it and thus failing to do one's duty as a parent.

Their work involved 8/9- and 11/12-year olds who were given the opportunity to learn some basic tasks by means of positive, rewarding feedback or negative, "punishing" feedback. Specifically, all children were given a computer task which required them to discover rules and when they correctly inferred a rule, as revealed by choices they made in the task, a check--positive reward--appeared on the screen; but if their choice indicated that they had not correctly figured out the rule of the task, then a cross--punishment--appeared on the screen. Repeated running of the task showed that performance improved substantially more when the feedback was positive in the case of the younger children, telling them they did well when they did, rather than negative, telling them that they did poorly when they did. Just the opposite proved true in the case of older children, who functioned just like young adults aged 18-25 who were also tested. That is, negative feedback improved performance more for these individuals than did positive feedback.

Because the cognitive tasks central to this research were administered while the children and young adults were in a brain scanning machine, brain imaging revealed that brain areas responsible for cognitive control and located in the cerebral cortex seemed to play a role in why younger and older children learned so differently. That is, these brain control centers were more strongly activated in the face of negative feedback in the case of older children and adults, but more strongly activated when receiving positive feedback in the case of younger children. It is almost as if for the younger children positive feedback registered more strongly, whereas for the older children, just the opposite proved true.

Why might this be so? If you think about it for a moment, as the investigators did, it becomes apparent that information which stipulates that you did something wrong is more complicated than information stipulating that you did something well. So younger children may simply have an easier time processing simpler, positive, rewarding information than negative feedback. As the authors noted, "Learning from mistakes is more complex than carrying on in the same way as before. You have to ask yourself what precisely went wrong and how it was possible." That is, it takes more analysis to figure out that what was done is mistaken than that it is correct.

What still remains unknown is exactly what accounts for the change in brain functioning and how it occurs. Do new connections within or between brain regions emerge during the transition to adolescence? Do hormones associated with puberty play a role? Like all good research, this elegant work raises new questions at the same time it reveals new things.

But the bottom line seems to be that we now have a better idea why rewards work better than punishment with pre-adolescent children. So if it is an explanation you need for why you should reward good behavior more than punish bad behavior, at least with pre-adolescent children, now you have one. The task that still remains, of course, is regulating one's own irritability, frustration and thus behavior in the face of annoying child behavior so that we can ignore it.

Unless I'm missing something, none of the studies mentioned (which are interesting, to be sure) delve into what happens in real life, which is a combination of positive and negative reinforcement. What happens when correct answers elicited positive reinforcement and incorrect answers got negative? It seems this was not part of the study, which is strange, if true.

Anecdotally, it seems that many parents have taken this partial view to heart, refusing to show their fragile little darlings any negative energy at all (which kids pick up on anyway, of course), and ONLY offering positive reinforcement. As far as I can tell, this results in spoiled, egotistical children with little to no respect for their parents or anyone else. I'm no expert on parenting, but it seems to me that honesty really is the best policy. When the little bastards piss you off, they should know it, and know why. Otherwise, they're not getting a clear sense of their effect on the world around them.

I just read this... as I was searching for bad behavior and rewarding it (which is what I think this stimulus does).. and I couldn't agree with you more. My question is WHAT happens to these "little gems" when they GROW up?? We have to prepare children for REAL life! Is society going to IGNORE their bad and inappropriate behavior?? Parents are so darn concerned with being friends they are losing sight of what their JOB is! To raise DECENT, law abiding, moral human beings...
I personally think THIS is why we have the multitude of issues we have right now...

I completely agree with your post! Parents not speaking up when their children misbehave enforce the mentality that their children's bad behaviour is ok, there's nothing wrong with it, and they can continue doing it.

Although in the real world they may face negative consequences for bad, on a developmental basis, many children that recieve a punishment for bad behavior are still receiving attention from their parents. Although the punishment should be a thing that the child wouldnt want to seek, the punishment in turn becomes a punishment and a reward simultaneously. The attentiin seeking child finds that the only way they can recieve attention from an adult is by making poor decisions and although there is a negative consequence on the forefront, psychologically they are recieving a reward through having undivided attention. If you effectively ignore a childs bad behavior and give them a reward along with attention , on the forefront they recieve a reward and the attention seeking child also receives the attention that they desire.

Unless I'm missing something, none of the studies mentioned (which are interesting, to be sure) delve into what happens in real life, which is a combination of positive and negative reinforcement. What happens when correct answers elicited positive reinforcement and incorrect answers got negative? It seems this was not part of the study, which is strange, if true.

Anecdotally, it seems that many parents have taken this partial view to heart, refusing to show their fragile little darlings any negative energy at all (which kids pick up on anyway, of course), and ONLY offering positive reinforcement. As far as I can tell, this results in spoiled, egotistical children with little to no respect for their parents or anyone else. I'm no expert on parenting, but it seems to me that honesty really is the best policy. When the little bastards piss you off, they should know it, and know why. Otherwise, they're not getting a clear sense of their effect on the world around them.

It's ok, I can understand your opinion. At the same time, to me it feels like "kids should get used and educated as early as possible to how this society is right now", rather than "let's try to educate the new generations in a way that they will make this society right now evolve and change to the better"... Well, maybe bosses in companies should not just yell at workers when they make mistakes, and THAT's what needs to change... just as an example and I am aware it's a very simplistic one. It's just to add on to your comment, about kids having to adapt to the society, whereas kids and adults construct and form society every day with their actions. And just at the end, your comment would seem more respectful to me if you used a respectful term to talk about children, rather than "those little bastards"... even though I understand kids can have behaviours that we feel angry about sometimes, that we feel out of control or just plain stupid not knowing how to handle them, I don't think insulting children is a way of being a model to them. don't ask from children what you aren't able to do yourself...

I do not believe a child should not get punishment. If you do not punish your child than they will think they can get away with anything. You are not preparing them for the real world. The real world is all about positive and negative. If you isolate your children from what goes on in real life than I believe they may develop to be afraid of society. They may in the future be living with great fear with what goes on outside their home. I also believe they will gain no respect for adults, especially for the parents.

If your child hits you, you should tell them it is wrong to because if you don't than they will think it is okay and hit you again. No parent can ignore that behavior. I am not saying hit them back, but you should let them know what they have done wrong and it is inappropriate.

Yes, the child is going to respond more to a positive response because they are still in the pre-operating stage. According to Jean Piaget, Pre-operating stage of a child, (which happens between the ages 2-11) makes a child think everything is about them. When a child get praised than they will respond to that more because everything is about them and they are getting positive feedback from the parents, they will never learn that they cannot get everything they want and can do anything they want. If you do not give a child negative responses than I believe they will get stuck in pre-operational stage.

You are misinformed about ignoring children. You ignore the attention seeking behaviors only. when it comes to hitting You stop them tell them that it not okay to hit, as it hurts people and move them away (like a time out spot).

It's all about consequences. My two year old son wanted to hold a sparkler and I didn't think he should have one as he's too young. But my mom thought he could handle it. And she told him "Now don't touch it it will hurt." Big mistake she should have said nothing, as boom my son touched it. The consequence what it hurts bad to touch a sparkler. He's seven now and still hasn't forgotten that.

Two weeks ago he was throwing rocks (making faces and being mean.) at the kids in the play ground because they were throwing rocks at him. So he stayed in the house for that week and now I always go out with him (the playground is right next to our ground floor apartment.) This was my fault as I thought he was mature enough to be able to play with the kids nicely. Wrong.

I grew up with an authoritarian dad and an authoritative mom, and my fiance grew up with a permissive mom and a authoritative dad that has been guilted into becoming a permissive parent for being "too harsh" by his wife, for years. I have noticed the stark differences in how my brother and I turned out, and how my fiance and his sister turned out. We seem to have been shaped quite dramatically on many fronts by our parents' parenting styles. Whenever my brother or I did anything wrong, my mom disciplined us and explained exactly why our behaviour was innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite, etc. I believe she helped us develop a good sense of empathy, compassion for others, and we are more in-tune with our action/words and their affect on people because of it. We also have good communication skills, know how to express ourselves in relationships, speak up for ourselves and address and fix problems when they arise. I have often reflected on the devastating effect it could have had on us to simply have my dad's authoritarian punishment. My mom created a healthy balance to raise us without resorting to any of the two extremes. On the other hand, what I have observed is that permissiveness has had the complete opposite effect on my fiance and his sister. Their innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite behaviour has always consistently been ignored, even when it was blatantly rude and upsetting. Their mom's rationale is that "everyone has their faults, it's not good to point them out" and to tell her kids that they are "perfect just the way they are, don't ever change for anybody". In the right context, these tokens of advice could be constructive. However, in the context of discipline, teaching and raising children to be empathic, compassionate people who can self-regulate their own behaviour, these "mottos" prove to be extremely damaging and don't adequately equipt children/adults to thrive in the world and in their relationships. Resulting to no constructive criticism or discipline, I believe it deeply confused her kids - even to this day as adults. To the point that my sister-in-law has told me that she actually has no idea when she's being hurtful/offensive or not... When people cried because of something she said or done, she had no emotion and made the other person feel guilty for "being too sensitive" and owned absolutely no responsibility in the situations she created. It made for extremely toxic relationships... She has definitely made a lot of progress in the last few months once she did realize just how serious the repercussions of her approach could be (she could damage and lose relationships permanently). I am very proud of her and happy that she has made such positive lasting changes after nearly 30 years of being that way.

All this to say though, that instructing parents to "ignore" their kids' bad behaviour is not the answer and can be incredibly destructive to their healthy development and how they thrive in the world and in their personal relationships. In my opinion, helping children develop the ability to self-regulate and recognize their bad behaviour (and why it is bad) is the most constructive.

I grew up with an authoritarian dad and an authoritative mom, and my fiance grew up with a permissive mom and a authoritative dad that has been guilted into becoming a permissive parent for being "too harsh" by his wife, for years. I have noticed the stark differences in how my brother and I turned out, and how my fiance and his sister turned out. We seem to have been shaped quite dramatically on many fronts by our parents' parenting styles. Whenever my brother or I did anything wrong, my mom disciplined us and explained exactly why our behaviour was innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite, etc. I believe she helped us develop a good sense of empathy, compassion for others, and we are more in-tune with our action/words and their affect on people because of it. We also have good communication skills, know how to express ourselves in relationships, speak up for ourselves and address and fix problems when they arise. I have often reflected on the devastating effect it could have had on us to simply have my dad's authoritarian punishment. My mom created a healthy balance to raise us without resorting to any of the two extremes. On the other hand, what I have observed is that permissiveness has had the complete opposite effect on my fiance and his sister. Their innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite behaviour has always consistently been ignored, even when it was blatantly rude and upsetting. Their mom's rationale is that "everyone has their faults, it's not good to point them out" and to tell her kids that they are "perfect just the way they are, don't ever change for anybody". In the right context, these tokens of advice could be constructive. However, in the context of discipline, teaching and raising children to be empathic, compassionate people who can self-regulate their own behaviour, these "mottos" prove to be extremely damaging and don't adequately equipt children/adults to thrive in the world and in their relationships. Resulting to no constructive criticism or discipline, I believe it deeply confused her kids - even to this day as adults. To the point that my sister-in-law has told me that she actually has no idea when she's being hurtful/offensive or not... When people cried because of something she said or done, she had no emotion and made the other person feel guilty for "being too sensitive" and owned absolutely no responsibility in the situations she created. It made for extremely toxic relationships... She has definitely made a lot of progress in the last few months once she did realize just how serious the repercussions of her approach could be (she could damage and lose relationships permanently). I am very proud of her and happy that she has made such positive lasting changes after nearly 30 years of being that way.

All this to say though, that instructing parents to "ignore" their kids' bad behaviour is not the answer and can be incredibly destructive to their healthy development and how they thrive in the world and in their personal relationships. In my opinion, helping children develop the ability to self-regulate and recognize their bad behaviour (and why it is bad) is the most constructive.

I grew up with an authoritarian dad and an authoritative mom, and my fiance grew up with a permissive mom and a authoritative dad that has been guilted into becoming a permissive parent for being "too harsh" by his wife, for years. I have noticed the stark differences in how my brother and I turned out, and how my fiance and his sister turned out. We seem to have been shaped quite dramatically on many fronts by our parents' parenting styles. Whenever my brother or I did anything wrong, my mom disciplined us and explained exactly why our behaviour was innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite, etc. I believe she helped us develop a good sense of empathy, compassion for others, and we are more in-tune with our action/words and their affect on people because of it. We also have good communication skills, know how to express ourselves in relationships, speak up for ourselves and address and fix problems when they arise. I have often reflected on the devastating effect it could have had on us to simply have my dad's authoritarian punishment. My mom created a healthy balance to raise us without resorting to any of the two extremes. On the other hand, what I have observed is that permissiveness has had the complete opposite effect on my fiance and his sister. Their innapropriate/disrespectful/hurtful/impolite behaviour has always consistently been ignored, even when it was blatantly rude and upsetting. Their mom's rationale is that "everyone has their faults, it's not good to point them out" and to tell her kids that they are "perfect just the way they are, don't ever change for anybody". In the right context, these tokens of advice could be constructive. However, in the context of discipline, teaching and raising children to be empathic, compassionate people who can self-regulate their own behaviour, these "mottos" prove to be extremely damaging and don't adequately equipt children/adults to thrive in the world and in their relationships. Resulting to no constructive criticism or discipline, I believe it deeply confused her kids - even to this day as adults. To the point that my sister-in-law has told me that she actually has no idea when she's being hurtful/offensive or not... When people cried because of something she said or done, she had no emotion and made the other person feel guilty for "being too sensitive" and owned absolutely no responsibility in the situations she created. It made for extremely toxic relationships... She has definitely made a lot of progress in the last few months once she did realize just how serious the repercussions of her approach could be (she could damage and lose relationships permanently). I am very proud of her and happy that she has made such positive lasting changes after nearly 30 years of being that way.

All this to say though, that instructing parents to "ignore" their kids' bad behaviour is not the answer and can be incredibly destructive to their healthy development and how they thrive in the world and in their personal relationships. In my opinion, helping children develop the ability to self-regulate and recognize their bad behaviour (and why it is bad) is the most constructive.

It would be interesting to know how this would apply to the population of adults with intellectual disabilities and challenging behaviour, where positive reinforcement is the only available option for behavioural change and punishment is ethically a no go area. In those with an older "mental age" (e.g. those with mild/moderate learning disability) are we using an ineffective method?

While I am not a parent, I do not agree that children should not be punished for bad behavior. I have a cousin who believed in spanking, but her husband did not. There oldest child was quite the hell raiser to the point of kicking and biting. Most people believed that it was a phase, but should have had some disciplining. If a child is acting up to get attention, i.e. acting obnoxious, then maybe it should be ignored because he is seeking attention, unless you have company over. The child misbehaving should be sent to his room, out of site. If the child is doing things to hurt or even degrade someone, then he should be disciplined, maybe even given a "talking to".

Sometimes explaining why it is bad or harmful to do negative things can make a difference. Maybe it is because how I was raised, but I do not think that a child should be rewarded for behaving after misbehaving. The only time I got rewarded for good behavior is when I did more than what is expected. A good example is when my mom would ask me to do a chore or two, and I do an additional chore that was unexpected, my mom might praise me or reward me with a little token of some sort. I believe when someone does something to destroy or compromise a trust in someone, then he needs to do things to fix it. To me, there is no room for rewards until there a consistent and progressive improvement in behavior. I think that how the reward/punishment system is used will define the child's ethical standards as he grows up.

A friend of mine grew up in I guess you could call a religious household. My friend and I have different views on our faith even though we are both Christians. I was raised with the mentality that there are consequences for your actions. While I was not a big church goer, I carried that belief throughout my life and still do that we should do good and not bad. While I do not know what kind of disciplinarians her parents were, she has the mindset that it is only wrong if you get caught. There Christian faith appears to be defined as they are always forgiven because they believe, so it does not matter what you do. No accountability. I don't want to make this a religious discussion, so I apologize for starting it.

The title is "Rewards are Better than Punishment" not don't ever punish your child.

I run a family therapy program that focuses on parenting skills and I get tired of parents who can't see the positive things their children do. The science behind this article is not a lie. Kids do better with rewards than punishment! It doesn't say you should never punish your child!

Also, ignoring is a very effective strategy for many frustrating behaviors, but it obviously is not advised for all behaviors.