In Defense of Joe Paterno

Now I’m sure you are all aware what has been going on with Penn State this past week. According to the indictment, in 2002 assistant coach Mike McQueary, then a Penn State graduate assistant, walked in on Sandusky subjecting a ten-year-old boy to anal penetration. The next day, McQueary reported the incident to Paterno, who informed Curley. Ultimately, it is alleged, the only action Curley and Schultz took was to order Sandusky not to bring any children from Second Mile to the football building, an action that was approved by school president Graham Spanier. The indictment accused Curley and Schultz not only of failing to tell the police, but also of falsely telling the grand jury that McQueary never informed them of the alleged sexual activity.

Now any reasonable person in would have went directly to the police. But that’s the key word, “reasonable person.” Joe Pa is not a reasonable person. He is an 85 year old, senile, grandpa, on the onset of alzheimers. Do you actually think Paterno is in charge of anything at Penn State? He’s the definition of a figurehead. Dude doesn’t even wear a headset when he coaches. He’s more of a glorified mascot than a coach. Joe Paterno probably couldn’t even tell you what year it is, nonetheless engage in an elaborate cover up. Look, I’m not defending Joe Paterno, I just think that the media pinned this whole thing on him because he’s a recognizable name. Nobody knows who the fuck Sandusky is. I actually had some people ask me if Joe Paterno was the one who was porking kids in the shower.

Maybe McQuery should have went to the cops. I mean he’s the dude who actually saw it. Report that shit, don’t tell the crazy old guy. I’m pretty sure this is how that conversation went:

Coach McQuery: Coach Paterno, Paul Posluszny injured his knee in practice, I saw coach Sandusky fucking a 10 year old boy in the shower, and we are out of maple syrup in the football lounge.

Joe Paterno: WHAT!!! We are out of maple syrup!!!!

Coach McQuery: Coach, I just told you that I literally saw Coach Sandusky having sex with a kid in the shower…

Joe Paterno: Well, how the heck am I supposed to eat my pancakes if we don’t have Maple syrup? Get me some maple syrup or you’re fired!!!