I Remember...

I remember when I first saw you. You were not what I would regularly go for. Your deep brown eyes were like the ones of the main character from that movie about Johnny Cash, Walk the Line. My mom would warn me about those eyes; in the movie they became so dark because he was supposed to be into drugs. Did the thought that you were into drugs cross my mind? Well honey not at that time. I guess I still don’t know about the answer, but I admit that the thought has crossed my mind. Thin but muscular build, well that’s how I view you. I could tell that you did a sport or at least worked out by looking at you, though you insisted that you were fat. My dear I thought that was something girls are supposed to say, and even when girls say it other people do not like hearing it. Or maybe you were joking…probably. You were pretty good with sarcasm. Your curly fiery red hair was certainly intimidating, though you are the only ginger that I find attractive, and I mean that honestly. I never thought that any of the guys that played the Weasleys in Harry Potter were attractive, but I never thought that you were the same ethnicity. Maybe you have a hint of Irish, I thought. Although your manner never seemed to even portray someone Irish. Irish people are supposed to be happy and smiling and having a good time. Honey, quite honestly you are one of those people that almost always has a scowl on their face. I guess that makes your smiles worth more, or maybe you think that it helps the image that you set. Or maybe you just smile when I’m not around. Although I know that you are not an actor, you would tell me that right? Well at least I would hope. Maybe I’m wrong, but you should know that rarely are my conclusions wrong. I remember when we had that first week of PE just sorting out our gym uniforms. PE is not a romantic place you would think, and I still do not think of it as that, but since sports are involved it’s a passionate place. PE is a place where I can express my emotions in my life and I can allow my muscles to scream or to sing as I fail or succeed in the various activities we compete in. For that first week though you were surrounded by all those girls from our class and the other freshman PE class. They were asking you questions on where you were from. Since our last names are pretty close in the alphabet I heard all of the conversations. I heard that you were from Colombia. I heard your Spanish accent and it made my heart swoon. You also stood cool…silent, but cool. I guess the word that I would use to describe you would be ‘nonchalant’. Good vocabulary, right? Well I actually remember when I learned that word too, not that you would listen or care about the story behind it. I guess you acted that way because of your precious image. I bet all the boys in our classes were jealous of you. I could even tell that Sydney and Katherine, waiting beside me, wanted to leave and talk to you, but since they didn’t want to seem like everyone else they started asking me questions. I would tell you about our conversation, but I doubt you would listen or care. A conclusion, but like I said my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember that in the second week all of the people that recently moved to the town had to get their eyes and ears checked so they could participate in PE. Well of course we were both part of that group my dear. You probably don’t remember it, but that was the first time I talked to you. Daily double 300 points for a total of 600 points, and even less likely for you to remember, what did I say? Of course I remember everything, so as you pass because you don’t know I will answer. I complemented you on your jacket. It was that black sports jacket that almost reminds me of my fake letterman jacket. You wore jeans with it that seemed to fit perfectly. Well perfectly for a boy. That’s one thing that I like about how you dress my dear, you never sag. Remember when our PE teacher gave us that speech at the beginning of the year before we got our uniforms about dress code and how guys could not sag their shorts and girls could not roll their shorts? Once Katherine criticized you on what you wore because she thought that it was too tight. Honey, don’t listen to her, of course you pulled it off, it all fit into your image. Well…when we had that hearing and sight test did you do well? I guess I’m trying to make small talk with you as usual, though this is not a question I would ask you. For me to make small talk with you I would need to ask you something that would make you answer with more than one word. You favor one word responses. Well at least nowadays you do. A conclusion, but my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember when we finally went outside and we played fast-paced kickball. I thought that was fun, if you remember anything than you might remember me sliding to second base. You might remember that I should have been out, but since I slid I was allowed to stay. Another Jeopardy question, were we on the same team or on opposing teams? Do do do do-do do do do, do do do do-do…dododododo, do do do do-do do do do, do, do do do…do do do. The jeopardy music is over. The answer is we were on the same team. 200 points. How do I remember you ask? Well actually I remember you were stealing all of my plays because we were both playing between second base and third base. Our PE teacher, Mr. Carter, was fascinated that you could play that well and of course he asked you if you played any sports. You replied that you played soccer. I already pieced together that part of the puzzle though because you were from Colombia, or assumed that piece is more accurate. A conclusion, but as you have begun to listen you have found that my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember that quite coincidently the first unit we had in PE was the soccer unit. I remember that you played smoothly compared to everyone else; you were being the soccer ball rather than attacking the soccer ball. I liked that about you. I meticulously placed it in the puzzle of you. That puzzle that I slowly piece together to see what the image could be. Oh, how nicely this metaphor has come together, don’t you think? Or have you not been listening or caring honey? Well moving on I remember that one day we were on the same team. Now this you hopefully remember. Our team was not good but you were of course amazing, we played on offense together and you smiled and joked with us, with me. Do you remember you tapping Jane and me on the shoulder and acting like you didn’t? Well I fondly remember this because I am competitive. I take up any challenge even the simple shoulder tap. Though if my memory doesn’t deceive me that I believe you won in the end. Unfortunately I do not remember the winning tap, but I’m sure that you won. Your darling image would suffer if you lost to a girl. A conclusion, but as you have begun to learn my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember when I got home I friended you on Facebook. A bit unorthodox, but then again so is the interlinking of our lives. I remember that you accepted and wrote a surprising but nice “Hello :)” on my wall. I remember I responded and later you messaged me a “Hi ;)”. I remember everything we said when we chatted about. From where we were from to what we were doing to the sports that we play. I wondered what you looked like when we chatted. Were you sweaty since you just came from the gym, or did you shower? Of course I would not ask you this. You would probably wonder why I was asking such an odd question, but not care to listen to my explanation why. Of course you could also fulfill my assumption that you would reply with a one-word answer. The lesser of two evils? Maybe. Oh, that was a good reference. I just love my plays on words, my jokes, my references, and my stories. 300 points for that. I’m not absolutely sure that you enjoy hearing my plays on words, my jokes, my references, my stories, but that never changes me to the point where I won’t tell them to you. Would you care to hear a joke? What’s black and white and red all over my dear? Joke’s on you because the answer is you! You wear your black clothing for your image, you are pale and superficial, and you have your fiery red hair to intimidate or interest those who approach you. 500 points added for a total of 1400, but who’s counting, right? Well I remember those first messages and I remember I was skyping with my friend, Natalia, as we engaged in a conversation. You remember Natalia, right? She’s part Colombian too. You remember once when she friended you on Facebook? I explained that she was my best friend because I didn’t want it to seem too creepy. Of course since you don’t care who you friend you just accepted it anyways. A conclusion, but as are learning you know that my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember that next time we had PE after we started messaging. We jumped rope for our fitness activity and played long base. I had to leave during the class with Sydney so we could both get our ears checked again. Not that you care. During long base we were on the same team again. We didn’t talk much that class; then again we don’t talk much at all. I remember that during long base you were next to me in line and we both went last because we were both nominated the fastest. This is one thing that I take silent joy in my dear; that when we are compared in PE we are usually equals or at least relatively equals. Except maybe you are a bit of a better runner because you are two years older than me. You told me that on Wednesday night. Of course this made me weary of you because you never told me the reason why you were put as a freshman here. Anyways I remember from that class you and your friend, Nick, had a rivalry going on because often you both are equals in everything in PE. Unfortunate that Nick switched classes; I really enjoyed his attitude when we played sports. He was always athletic, patient, modest, and funny. Strange that those are the words that I once used to describe you, but now I know that they did not fit into your image at all, like a puzzle piece from a different puzzle. No honey, you are impatient, cocky, and your sense of humor is immature and rarely if ever is your sense of humor clever. I will say that you are athletic; I can’t take that away from you. Instead since I have noticed how athletic you are I have been sharpening my skills to become better than you so I can take away that last trait that I used to describe you because then you will be no more athletic than I am. In that PE class you finished running and it looked like you hit your head because I saw that you were rubbing it after coming in contact with a wall. Later when I asked if you were okay you told me that you actually hit your nose. A conclusion that was incorrect, but as you have no doubt realized my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember that Thursday night when we were messaging. I remember we started off by greeting each other in Spanish and then moved to English. Of course I remember that was the night that you asked me what all friends eventually ask one another. ‘Who do you like?’ Well my dear honestly I was not sure I liked you. I thought I did; I loved that you read my messages and exchanged your thoughts and I loved just chatting with you. Did I like you in real life? I didn’t see you in real life. All I saw were your skill sets. I tried analyzing all of your skill sets to see if I would like you, if we could like each other and it would make since. Sorry that you might not understand this, but I guess it’s because I am talking like a scientist. In fact I believe I have been talking like a scientist through all of this. Conclusions are a huge part of science. Conclusions based on observations cover the masses of how we figure out our surroundings. So what was my conclusion to whether I liked you? Yes. Okay, you got me. Yes, I liked you, but I would not tell you because I wanted to hear who you liked. We argued about who should share first until I suggested that we play a guessing game to see if we could guess who the person was correctly. Of course you ran out of guys before I ran out of girls. I first suggested it was you, and you thought I was joking. I said I didn’t know, but I asked for a couple more guesses. Finally I ran out of girls too and I asked if it was me, of course bringing up the subject on whether it was you. I said that it was you, but you toyed with me and you took your time to tell me that you kind of liked me. You couldn’t just tell me right out, you wanted me to spend as long as possible focusing on your puzzle. A conclusion, but as you know my conclusions are rarely wrong. I remember that weekend. I was as sick as a dog and I had four softball games. You had…other plans. What were we supposed to do after each of us admitted to liking each other? You said that we needed to get to know each other better and I, as an inexperienced young freshman, agreed. You never asked me out. Was that because of your image? No, I don’t think so. I believe it was because of my image. You didn’t think that I would have time to go out with you, between my softball games and my friends and honors courses homework. You didn’t even make much of an effort to ask me out in fear of rejection. Now to question that mindset, why would I tell you that I liked you if I was not expecting to date? I can make time my dear, but honey that weekend I was busy. By the events that you said you were going to attend your weekend was just as busy. Now I believe that there’s another reason I am concealing that would make me hesitant my dear, and I believe that you know it too. You told me on Friday night that you were doing something wrong. You told me that you were going to drink. Wow. A completely unprecedented variable I had not taken into account. I should have known. It fit so well into your image; Natalia even told me that I should have figured. “He’s Latino, dude he’s a party boy.” A conclusion a friend made for me, a conclusion that I could see as rarely wrong. Though many times I wish my conclusions were wrong. I wish I would not dissect people’s lives to the point that they hide no secrets from me, to the point that I can see their morals, their actions, right through them. Well my dear I’ll admit that after you told me that you drank I did not want to spend time with you. I was afraid that you would get me mixed up in all that kind of stuff, and I have so much potential and that is the last thing I needed. So giving you up was precautionary. A conclusion, but as you now know it pains me to say that my conclusions are rarely wrong.

Subscribe

Get Teen Ink’s 48-page monthly print edition. Written by teens since 1989.