Pages

Thursday, May 12, 2011

A day...

6:20AM - Turned on the light in the hall to hopefully wake Pumpkin up in a gentle sort of way so maybe, just maybe she won't scream her head off at me.

6:30AM - Went into Pumpkin's room to get her dressed for school. Surprised to have her get out of bed without screaming. Unfortunately, I was also greeted with an exploded diaper full of diarrhea. Yippee. More sheets to wash.

6:45AM - Fed Pumpkin breakfast. She didn't eat. I encouraged it a little but certainly didn't force things. She took a few bites on her own. Questioned whether or not to send her to school but ultimately decided that the diarrhea is relatively normal for her anyway. As is the not eating.

7:15AM - Took off Pumpkin's bib. Dumped her cereal out in the sink. Turned around to see a mess of vomit all over the table.

7:16AM - Decided that Pumpkin is not going to school.

7:30AM - Put Pumpkin in the car with all the other cherubs. Gave her a bucket and hoped like crazy she'd know what to do with it if necessary.

7:47AM - Called pediatric rehab center to let them know that Pumpkin would not be in school today.

8:02AM - Sent an email to CPS asking if Pumpkin could be excused from her visit this evening.

Times get fuzzy from here on out so I'll just bullet point things...

*** Pumpkin played like normal most of the morning.

*** Talked with the SW from our agency. Went over court proceedings from yesterday.

*** Got email back from CPS. Was told to take Pumpkin to the doctor. I responded that perhaps if Pumpkin isn't puking, she could just go to the visit then. CPS said that would be fine. (It's more than ridiculous to take a kid with a simple stomach virus to the doctor!!)

*** Tried to schedule an appointment with Pumpkin's neurologist. CPS wants mom to get some "training" from the doctor. They won't allow extended visits until this happens. CPS wants the appointment to happen Monday. The neurologist office just about laughed at me and said the best they can do is the already scheduled appointment for June 6.

*** Got an email back from CPS concerning my need to have a monitor at tomorrow's kindergarten graduation ceremony. I do not want to be there to keep an eye on Pumpkin's mom myself. I want to enjoy the ceremony with both kids -- Pumpkin and Bart. I was told that a CASA worker would be there. Whew!

11:30AM - Pumpkin stopped playing and simply sat in the living room. I checked on her a few times. She was just sitting there.

*** Over the next 1/2 hour I watched on and off. Her eyes fluttered a little. She seemed to be zoning out. But she also seemed to respond to me speaking. I couldn't tell if it was a seizure or not.

12:00PM - Pumpkin crawled up on the couch and fell asleep.

*** Spent the next hour strategizing with my sister about how to handle the potential seizure activity and the family visit tonight.

I have been giving medication to give to Pumpkin if she has break-through seizures.

I am NOT to take her to the doctor for every little seizure!!

Pumpkin will probably have seizures for the rest of her life. This is who Pumpkin is.

So...should she go to her visit or not?

In order for her to get out of it, I have to take her to the doctor.

But I'm not supposed to take her to the doctor for every seizure. Besides, I'm not sure she even had a seizure.

Decide that Pumpkin will go. Pumpkin's mom has to deal with the fact that Pumpkin is not a typical child. She is going to have days like this. The visit does not put her in a position where she is not safe. I'll bring a blanket and pillow in case Pumpkin wants to sleep. I'll bring a seizure education handout to give to the monitor so they can be aware of Pumpkin's situation. Seizures aren't contagious. And she's not puking. And her diapers are fine. This is what it's like to parent a special needs child.

Know that CPS is going to think I have lost my mind when I try to drop her off and explain why we didn't go to the doctor. Decided that CPS is just going to have to realize that they aren't going to be able to get Pumpkin "stable" and then send her back home. Monitoring Pumpkin for seizure activity is going to be a lifelong chore.

1:30PM - Pumpkin woke up from her nap.

1:40PM - I asked Pumpkin if she wanted to eat. I bent down to kiss her forehead. Damn. She's got a fever.

1:55PM - After getting all my things I need to take Pumpkin to the doctor, I do just that...cussing all the while that I have to. No normal kid should have to go to the doctor just because they have a fever. Aren't we supposed to treat foster kids like normal kids?! But...I don't want Pumpkin to have to go to the visit tonight if she's feverish. It's not fair to the couple dozen other kids there. They don't need to be exposed. So, off to the doctor we go.

2:00PM - Call CPS to tell them that Pumpkin is going to the doctor and that she won't be going to her visit tonight. Also discuss the neurologist appointment. CPS indicates that they'll just get a court order so we can be seen sooner than June 6. Oh joy. (There goes another 4 hours of my life. We'll be a walk-in patient and they don't move those through very quickly.)

2:10PM - Rejoice because the front desk help at Pumpkin's doctor is so awesome!! They were honest that the doctors were still out to lunch and would be behind on schedule. I politely asked if there's any way we could get in and out by 3:15PM when my cherubs get home from school. They said no. From there though, they offered to give me a same-day appointment for later this afternoon. (Something they don't usually do!) They also said that they'd have Pumpkin's chart pulled and we'd get in and out quickly when we come back.

3:15PM - Finish typing up this ridiculously long blog post that says almost nothing.

I will spend the next hour or so praying that the doctor we see really does use her head and that Pumpkin does not need to be hospitalized. Because she doesn't! (But, some people like to overreact.) Hopefully we will be in and out quick enough. I'm so damn tired of the doctor's office.

Thank goodness Pizza Hut was already on the menu tonight. Too bad I'm out of margaritas.

Find me on Facebook

The Cast of Characters

Cherub Mamma (me):Work at home mom trying to juggle the needs of all the members of the house while drinking copious amounts of caffeine and trying to not eat too much chocolate.

Mr. Amazing is the wonderful man that I've been married to for 21 years. He's a terrific husband and an amazing father to all of our children. Our marriage is something I am thankful for every day of my life.

Cherub 1 (AKA Herman): 17 year old boy. Amazing son of mine that is a true teenager! One moment he's mature, responsible and a contributing member of society. Then, in the next moment, I'm scared to death for his future and I feel like a failure of a parent. Herman is a kind and compassionate kid who is a wonderful big brother. Herman has ADHD and depression that is relatively well managed.

Cherub 2 (AKA TT): 11 year old boy. TT is incredibly insightful for his age. He looks at life differently than most. He is active and rambunctious. He's also my favorite cuddle bug. TT was our first foster placement ever when we fostered in Iowa. He was adopted at birth. TT struggles significantly with anxiety and was recently diagnosed with dyslexia.

Cherub 3 (AKA Bart): 10 year old boy. Talks more than anyone you'll ever meet. Is the happiest child I've ever known...except when he's ticked off. Bart is very positive and has an outlook on life that many in the world would benefit from if they could be a little like him. (According to my mother we should all #LiveLifeLikeBart.) Bart seems to find joy in the smallest of things. He also has significant ADHD (heavy on the "H") and keeps me on my toes!!

Foster Placements:

(January 26, 2015 - present)Captain: 5 year old boy. Oldest of a large sibling group (not all placed with us) including Pirate and Tinkerbell. He suffered a horrific trauma and we're all just getting to know each other. Pirate: 3 year old boy. Speaks a mix of English, Spanish and gibberish. Definitely needs speech therapy. He's very active and so far needs a lot of redirection.Tinkerbell: 13 month old little girl. Perfect baby in every way if you don't factor in the horrific trauma she was a part of. She has seen things that if I saw would make me a shell of a human being for a long, long time.(December 2013 - October 2014)Daisy: Came to me at 7 months old and left the day before her 17 month old "birthday". Daisy is a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome. Caring for Daisy involved lots of work with specialists and therapists for PT, OT, ST and vision. When she left she functioned at about the developmental age of 8-12 months. (She was learning to walk but couldn't self-feed well at all and had almost no language.) Daisy went home to her mother, Kori. I pray daily that Kori is able to meet all of Daisy's needs and that she is able to protect Daisy from future abuse.

(May 30, 2014 - June 20, 2014)Wispy: 20 month old little boy (when he was with us) who is tall and thin and has beautiful, blond, wispy hair. He arrived on a Friday night because his current foster family was in need of emergency respite care. He was supposed to stay three nights. The situation changed though and his first foster family is no longer going to foster. After much prayer, Mr. Amazing and I decided to make our house his home so he wouldn't have to move again and find yet another mommy in his life. CPS thought differently though and in order to make their paperwork easier, they moved him away from us back to his home county.

(December 2013 - May 2014)Ricky: Came to me at age 16 and left six months later at age 17. He's a victim of The System and - seriously - did not need to be in formal foster care. But due to the courts and things that happened beyond anyone's (except the judge's) real control, he was with us instead of with his godmother. At the hearing in May 2014, the judge finally saw reason when CPS couldn't give a good reason for him to not be with his godmother. He's still in foster care but will now age out where he belongs. We remain in a lot of contact!

(June 2011 to Sept. 2013)Much was written about these two wonderful children. Our hopes of intervening in their case and ultimately adopting them were dashed in September 2013. The children live with their grandmother in a situation that was never proven to be safe.-- as of October 2014, these cherubs are still in foster care with their grandmother. She has not been given full custody yet. I pray for them often.Dolly: Came to me at 3 1/2 and left the day before she turned 6. Sister to Dude. Gorgeous little girl that loves babies more than anything. Has a charming smile and a twinkle in her eye.Dude: Came to me at 2 1/2 and left at age 5. Brother to Dolly. Adorable dimples make his smiles melt my heart.

(Jan. 2, 2011 to Sept. 2, 2011)(Sept. 13, 2011 to Sept. 21, 2012)Pumpkin Pie: Came to me at 5 1/2 years old and was 7 when she left. Pumpkin was easy to care for but was very developmentally delayed. She functions around the age 18-24 months. Pumpkin completely opened my eyes to special needs parenting and the joys (cough cough) of special education. After much needless waiting and System screw ups, Pumpkin was finally placed with a very loving aunt and uncle.

(Sept. to Nov. 2010)MissArguePants: 8 year old (at the time) foster daughter. Textbook case of PTSD, ODD, anxiety and attachment disorder. Made life very interesting!TurtleTurtle: 9 year old (at the time) foster daughter. Diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, depression and more. Also made for an interesting parenting experience!--- MissArguePants and TurtleTurtle left our home after boundaries were crossed that threatened the safety of our forever children.

Other Characters:Mr. Wonky: not an actual person, but rather a state of dysregulation. Mr. Wonky "visits" our home regularly. He will visit all my kids from time to time. But he likes to complicate things for Cherub 2 the most.

Rainbow: currently the recruiter at our licensing agency. Prior to her current title though, Rainbow was our actual licensing worker. She has known our family for many years. She's the reason we're staying with our current agency as opposed licensing through a new one.

Cheerleader: currently the placing worker at our licensing agency. However, because our agency is incredibly small, and because they have extremely high turn-over, Cheerleader is also our family's licensing worker. She meets with the kids in our home as required by their plan and makes sure we're following all the minimum standards.