Writing Stuff…

Tag Archives: fear

This artwork was created in response to a question I had from a previous piece of writing where Soul had said “when you are ready, return here and we will continue writing the story”. My question was simply, “what does being ready look like?” as I realised through subsequent art pieces that I was not in fact ready to receive.

Medium

Chalk pastels on mixed media paper

Process

Intention:
Show me what being “ready to receive” looks like

I did
a guided meditation on feeling your soul.

I put
on some music and then started to draw my non-dominant hand to get me out of my
head.

After
I finished the drawing, my initial impression was that I didn’t know what I had
drawn and that my artwork was starting to go all weird. I turned the page
around 90 degrees at a time to see if there was anything that jumped out at me.
When I turned the page on its side I could see what appeared to be an image of
a face.

I
then sat down and did some journal writing about my process and to try and
understand what I had drawn in relation to my intention.

My thoughts on this artwork

The face image appears to me to be a reflection of myself – a mirror image even – it is leaning in towards me as I lean in to draw the image.

Everything in the image feels contained, which is strange. I would have expected being ready to mean feeling free and have let go of everything, making a flowing image of some sort.

There
is a sense of the face being poised for something. I wonder
what? To be noticed or to notice something itself?

Being poised for something – I guess that is a pretty accurate way of describing being ready! So what does it mean to be poised then?

You are in position. You are holding that position. You are waiting expectantly for something to happen.

The word POISED is definitely the keyword that speaks to me with this art. It gives me the impression of being composed, still and balanced. It feels like I need to quieten my mind, calm my emotions and still my body in readiness for the next stage to present itself, whatever that may be.

In doing some research on google, I noted that one definition about a lack of poise related to a lack of confidence and I definitely still have that theme running within me. I have assumed that the lack of confidence was just in myself but perhaps it is also in the guidance and wisdom that I am seeking. I am not sure what it is and whether I can rely on it. I lack trust and faith in it.

I find it interesting that the responses I am getting through my
art at the moment are quite literal and once I become aware of this, it seems
such an obvious answer that I almost feel silly for asking. However, at the
time, all that was running in my head was “I don’t know the answer, someone
tell me!”. This speaks to the lack of confidence and it appears that the
current art process work is working with me to reflect back to me that I do
indeed have the answers and know. It is helping to build my confidence.

The path forward then is one of learning to still my mind and all of these “fear” roadblocks that keep coming up. When I really examine the fear it is clear to me that I don’t actually feel fear, it is just a mental construct that is running interference. This has to be based upon an image of myself that needs to change. And to change it, I need to be able to see through the thoughts; I need to be poised for seeing what is on the other side once everything becomes completely still. Then I will be ready for the next stage.

If you are interested in reading more about what came up for me during this process, click on my journal notes below:

With this art, I sat down and thought about fear, and what that
might mean in the context of ‘fear of the unknown’.

I see two images within the art:

A bird that
appears a bit startled or has pulled up suddenly as it notices the golden
threads streaming down around it.

A face with
mouth wide open looking in the opposite direction to the bird, with its back to
the golden threads. It is looking straight ahead, and seems to be
talking/eating in an all-consuming manner.

The message:

All things
new that come into your awareness may take a bit of time to adjust to. The
change in awareness is what is making you a bit unsteady and uncomfortable
right now. Don’t jump to conclusions or start to listen to the fear monologue.

Take a moment to process what is happening around you.If it still feels ok and looks ok, it is. Trust it.

I have had a lot of resistance come up despite the messages of this art since completing the piece. I am still working through that as I feel stuck.

If you are interested in finding out more about what came up for me during this process, click on the link below to access my journal notes.