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Seadickrun

Where I live, safe sex seems to mean simply asking if the other party is HIV negative. If he says yes, then you can do anything you want. Since I can't write "clean, ddf, UB2" in my profile, I don't get any action. People seem to think serosorting is all that is necessary for good health and don't seem to think that people lie, people don't know their status (my roommate hasn't checked in at least two years), or they were negative as of that last report but then got infected that same day and it just hasn't shown up yet. And don't even get me started on bug chasers in my area.

kabbalahboy, it sounds like your partner is well aware of the situation and is making his choices in an informed manner. I don't think any of us can say 'for sure' what is his risk, but given your viral load and his being the top, I suppose it is not very high.

But what I'm wondering is - did you only have sex that few times in the last year? Is the number low because you normally just have oral sex, or is it your normal practice to have anal sex but usually he wears a condom? I'm just curious because, firstly, I can totally understand it if he is unsatisfied with condom-sex, but, if he is normally satisfied with that, why on these few occasions the lapse? Is it a convenience issue, like sex in an unexpected place when you don't have a condom with you, or due to inebriation?

I suppose what I'm getting at is if you and your man are choosing to schtupp sans perservatif soberly, judiciously, and because he genuinely feels that is what he needs/wants sexually, then I would give a wholehearted stamp of approval, given the relatively lower risk of your circumstances (low viral load, he the top). But if you're normally determined to 'be safe' and just lapsing due to some mishaps or unusual circumstances, then I'd say try to tighten up the program.

Your situation is similar to studies in Switzerland on heterosexual serodiscordant couples and their "unsafe" sex. I would suggest you have a frank discussion with your HIV specialist doctor and do the research. Not asking a question with your post, and perhaps looking for casual comments here, suggests some cognitive dissonance that should be actively brought onto the table, for discussion, with the facts at hand. Good luck

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I just wonder how will you feel when he becomes poz? When my boyfriend got sick he just hated me because he felt that I caused his cancer. But as the Doctor later told him, there was no way I could have cause him his testicular cancer. Apparently, he had one descending ball and the doctor told him that it was common to get testicular cancer in that condition. He finally talked to me, but for those few days he refused to even let me visit him in the hospital and I was isolated and alone. I felt like shit all that time and I did not realise that he thought I cause his cancer. First off, he did not tell me what his condition was, but I found lot later after he'd died. Well, let me add that we always wore condoms when having sex. I did not want him to get HIV. I know your fb knows all the risk, but somebody has to do something to protect against transmission of the virus. Come on... Wear a condom already!! Play it safe mates!!

I have indeed been there -- as the negative insertive partner, though we were going at it a whole lot more than 10 times a year! :-) Regardless of how my infection occurred... that much I would definitely do all over again.... it would be valuable knowledge indeed if I could pinpoint my infection to that. Oh, and he was actually undetectable, and it went on for 5 years before I converted MOST PROBABLY because I was taking it bareback (receptive) outside our relationship. Frequently.

I would characterize the situation by saying that being in a stable relationship with a poz guy made me more inclined to take risks that I probably should not have taken. We are still together, nearly another 5 years later.

Its a tricky situation... just make sure your man knows what he's doing. I let neg guys penetrate me if they know my status and are comfortable with that. Its not a problem... unless its a problem! When I was not on meds and not undetectable, I was more concerned about it, but now the risk seems small enough compared to other things. For example, its more important to be watchful on behalf of neg bottoms. And other STIs. And that cigarette he's smoking, and maybe even that double cheeseburger. Hehehe.

I have indeed been there -- as the negative insertive partner, though we were going at it a whole lot more than 10 times a year! :-) Regardless of how my infection occurred... that much I would definitely do all over again.... it would be valuable knowledge indeed if I could pinpoint my infection to that. Oh, and he was actually undetectable, and it went on for 5 years before I converted MOST PROBABLY because I was taking it bareback (receptive) outside our relationship. Frequently.

I would characterize the situation by saying that being in a stable relationship with a poz guy made me more inclined to take risks that I probably should not have taken. We are still together, nearly another 5 years later.

Its a tricky situation... just make sure your man knows what he's doing. I let neg guys penetrate me if they know my status and are comfortable with that. Its not a problem... unless its a problem! When I was not on meds and not undetectable, I was more concerned about it, but now the risk seems small enough compared to other things. For example, its more important to be watchful on behalf of neg bottoms. And other STIs. And that cigarette he's smoking, and maybe even that double cheeseburger. Hehehe.

Baron,The connection is mostly rubbing/grinding/wrestling/frottage and kissing until we cum. He has topped me many times with a condom than without a condom. He always has condoms.

The times we did decide to not use a condom was a conscience decision. It might be a conscience decision, but i agree it's irrational and NOT wise.

I blame that we let our emotions get in the way of condom use. Our feelings make us do crazy things, with disregard to consequences. We feel closer while connecting and having sex without a latex barrier.

We both want him to remain negative and we both know how to do that. It's amazing what can happen if we let are emotions guide us. I am afraid of the guilt and possible resentment if he were to become +.

The topic piques my curiosity. Any documentation of persons becoming infected by partners who are hiv postive and undetectible?

rick

Somebody in this very forum who reported that it happened to his partner even though he was undetectable. Sorry I don't have a link. But it's definitely possible. Remember also that the swiss study says nothing about anal sex.

Somebody in this very forum who reported that it happened to his partner even though he was undetectable. Sorry I don't have a link. But it's definitely possible. Remember also that the swiss study says nothing about anal sex.

The two who want to do that should get their butts in to discuss this with an ID specialist and learn the facts, their options, and then accept the risks of their informced choice. I bet 99.99 percent of the the ID's doctors will advise, don't do it, anyway. And then you will at least be informed. If you want to become a stable monogamous serodiscordant hetereosexual couple and move to switzerland and be monitored, then you'll still be following the rule - "practice this under doctor supervision"

is that clear, all?

« Last Edit: February 11, 2009, 12:39:38 AM by mecch »

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

The two who want to do that should get their butts in to discuss this with an ID specialist and learn the facts, their options, and then accept the risks of their informced choice. I bet 99.99 percent of the the ID's doctors will advise, don't do it, anyway. And then you will at least be informed. If you want to become a stable monogamous serodiscordant hetereosexual couple and move to switzerland and be monitored, then you'll still be following the rule - "practice this under doctor supervision"