The 1500 character limit is tough, that's for sure. One of the hardest parts of writing is utilizing the space on the page as best as possible.

After you're done writing, re-read and ask yourself "Can I combine these two sentences into one and not lose any valuable information?"

The first thing I noticed was the large wall of text. In my opinion this is both intimidating and difficult to read, but that's just me, feel free to agree/disagree. Maybe next time spend 3 characters utilizing returns?

And, jumping off what Gshonk brought up, the essay itself read (to me) 70% of how much you like games 15% about yourself and 15% talking about why you should be a CA. These guys can probably safely assume mostly everyone applying is passionate about games, you have to convince them why you would be a better candidate than the rest.