one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Obsession

Obsessed.

No longer with Christmas.

But definitely with baby.

What did I think about before?

I’ve had birth dreams two nights in a row – all goes well. Mostly. In one story, the OR where I will have my c-section is attached to the mall, and I get lost in the mall – hospital gown and IV pole attached – and can’t find my way back to the OR part. Even when I’m rollerskating around the mall. In the other dream, after he is born, J and I have to attend a “political” rally with the baby, who just sort of slid out of me painlessly (turns out the rally is really more of a religious cult, looking back but I don’t think that’s the point of the dream).

But the baby is fine and healthy in these dreams. And very cute.

I watched NICU while home with a cold this week. I look for pictures of newborns. They are so squishy and wee. I look for baby announcements and silly, adorablehats for him to wear.

I registered at Target, for goodness sakes. After telling Jeremy it was inappropriate because it’s our second baby.

Brody heard us talking about whether we will have a shower (I did state firmly that that was inappropriate). Then later that day, Brody said, "If we put my brudder in da shower, den he will grow."

We have a name, I think. Brody sort of picked it. We had a few and this name is the one he liked. It was strange how opinionated Brody was about the name. No to this one, no to that one. Firmly and without hesitation. Brody listens every day to his brother, lifting my shirt up wherever we are, and putting his ear to my stomach. I’ll ask him what his brother is doing, and he’ll say “Babies don’t talk” and then explain that his brother is farting or drinking milk.

We have a changing table in our living room because the “baby’s” room is still a guest room because we have nowhere to put the bed at the moment. I think if we actually put the baby’s room together right now, I might never leave it.

I want him here now, but not now really but closer to Thanksgiving but I wish it was mid-November right about now.

I want to see what he looks like, who he looks like and whether he has black hair like Brody did ...

My birthday is December 23, and the legend goes that I came home in a giant red and white Christmas stocking on Christmas day.

Christine, I don't know if you remember me from the RPL board; I'm Michele (basbleula), mom to Adam and Rachel. I admit, I've been stalking your blog! LOL! I am so happy for you, Jeremy and Brody. I, too, got an unexpected Christmas present almost 3 years ago (she doesn't want me typing right now and is trying to pry my fingers away from the keyboard). I can relate to all those feeling you've been having. I guess I just wanted to say hello and to tell you that I enjoy your writing, and also to wish you the best of luck!

Yes, we did win that vacation from Homeaway.com

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