stereotypes

It’s time for yet another post full of examples of how trans people online use stereotypes as the basis of deciding to be trans. It’s interesting to see that even though proponents of gender identity publicly stress that gender identity has nothing to do with gender stereotypes, when trans people talk among themselves online, their narratives are usually absolutely steeped with the most egregious stereotypes. There is a huge mismatch between the official gender identity doctrine and what trans people tell themselves about their gender identities. Let’s have a look.

First, a person who, upon transitioning to female, finds themselves fitting “nice and snug in a submissive role”.

Note first that this commenter doesn’t want to “act like a woman”. it is not explained what acting what a woman is, but it implies that there is some way that women acts, and that in order to avoid acting this way, you need to become a man. Choosing to not act this way is apparently not an option.

Finally, pay attention to the statement in this screenshot that the outside should “match” the inside. So there are apparently certain “insides” (personalities, presumably), that only match certain bodies. This is not a particularly progressive idea; the thought that only men or only women can have certain personality types is usually regarded as old-fashioned and regressive. But when trans people say it, nobody dares disagree apparently.

We’ve had a few of these posts here at Transgenderreality, but it seems like it’s impossible to run out of material, so it’s time for another one. People who want to transition to live as the other sex very often have a narrow view of what this means, they seem to look at people as collections of stereotypes, and if you fit one set of stereotypes, that must be the category for you.

“I had always known something was different,” she said in an interview Tuesday afternoon. “I was always more feminine and always wanted to play dress-up. When I was 5 I knew I was supposed to be a girl.”

This was the easiest and cheapest way to progress in my transition because it cost no money at all and I could do it without even thinking. (Of course, I realize that not every girl wants to grow out her hair, but this was something I wanted to do.) Caring for your hair with nourishing treatments and oils can help to make it grow, but the best part about this extra hair care is that I was able to give myself some self-care, too.

“Growing long hair made me feel like a girl, even though not all girls have long hair, but when I do it, it makes me feel girly!”

I practiced wearing makeup

Firstly, let me say that no, you don’t have to wear makeup to be a woman. But if makeup is something you want to use, it does take some practice! I’ve realized that this waiting time is the perfect opportunity to perfect the craft. One way to start learning the basics is to look up “morning routine” videos, where makeup artists show you their daily makeup routine.

“I wore makeup to feel more like a woman, even though not all women wear makeup, but when I do it, it makes me feel like a woman”

It couldn’t be more clear that the author is transitioning to a stereotypical view of what women are. Even acknowledging that not all women have long hair or wear makeup. So why exactly does having these things make him feel more “girly”? Why doesn’t short hair make him feel “girlier”?

This article tells the story of a child who liked to imitate his mother and play with barbies.

“I would see her doing little things like tightening her shirt around her waist and calling it a dress and saying ‘Mommy I’m wearing a dress just like you,’ or wearing my high heels around the house,” Gilleylen said.

Lots of kids dabble in dress-up, even boys, which is how Mazy appeared at birth and was being raised. But for Mazy, it was real.

So this child is like lots of kids, only different because for her, it’s different. Somehow.

Mazy felt she couldn’t tell anyone at school about her dozens of dolls, including a rotating cast of Barbies, with their assorted clothes, cars and a multi-story house. She didn’t dare mention her female superhero costumes.

This is sad. So tightly are children being gender-policed now, that a male child has to be ashamed of liking things that are “for girls”.

This article tells the story of a child who at 2 years old felt that his sense of himself didn’t match his physical body”, which is extraordinary, as most 2 year olds:

are not potty trained

do not understand the difference between men and women

do not understand that your physical characteristics are permanent.

As a toddler, Jacqueline started insisting she was a boy and rejecting any clothing, colors or accessories typically associated with girls. Sarah and Pete started calling their child Jackie — a gender neutral name — and purchasing girl’s clothing in gender-neutral colors. That still didn’t satisfy Jacq Kai, who felt anxious and would often cry at his reflection in the mirror because he looked too much like a girl. Allowing Jacq Kai to get his hair cut like a boy when he was about 3-and-a-half years old was a milestone for the family and left him “jubilant,” Sarah said.

There are tell-tale signs of strict gender policing by the supposedly progressive family here. “Girl’s clothing in gender-neutral colors”? Why not get the kid “boy clothes”, and make sure to state in no uncertain terms that clothes and colors don’t really have a “gender”? “Allowing” the kid a short hair cut after what seems like quite a struggle? It’s hair. Let the kid cut it.

The article talks about the kid being allowed to “express his true identity”, which presumably means being allowed to wear clothes and playing with toys associated with the sex this kid wants to be (it couldn’t really mean anything else, since two year olds aren’t being medically transitioned since they are nowhere near reaching puberty). Which is great! All kids should be able to do this, since gender roles are bad and limiting. However, the parents should be doing this *anyway*. They should tell this kid she can do what she want, wear what she wants, but that she is female and that she will be a woman when she grows up – a woman with short hair and masculine clothes if that’s what she wants, but still a woman.

What they are doing now, is actually *reinforcing* the view that certain things, behaviors, toys etc are associated with your sex. They are telling this kid that now that she’s a boy, she can do these things that she couldn’t previously. And what’s more, they’re setting this kid up for massive disappointment when puberty hits and it turns out that your biological sex isn’t changeable like a hairstyle is.

So I’m 19 right now and identify as female. Ever since I was younger I’ve always leaned towards the masculine side. I’ve always worn boys clothes, for as long as I can remember. When I was maybe 10/11, I would wear boxers and I felt very comfortable in them. When I reached 7th or 8th grade, I tried to start wearing female clothes. I never felt comfortable in girls underwear or shirts (I do usually wear girls jeans). When I was in 5th grade (elementary school) or maybe a little younger, I tried pushing for my parents to start calling me Joey after one of my favorite tv characters.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve recently come out as gay. I always wear boys clothes. I got a haircut and feel ten times more comfortable with it. She/her pronouns sort of make me uncomfortable, but I get embarrassed when people say he/him infront of my friends. I really lean towards the name Nick. I’ve always been big into video games and I’ll always make a male character, etc.

Recently I’ve been introduced to the Trans community and I’ve been watching a lot of videos on transitions so now I’m sort of confused with everything.

Some replies:

“Your experience sounds fairly typical of trans people”

And:

“You’re textbook trans”

Preferring comfortable clothes and short hair means you should change your sex.

I was assigned female at birth. However, I have never been comfortable living as a woman. Even as a young child, like in kindergarten, I hated wearing dresses and would throw tantrums if forced to. Eventually my parents stopped. My first boyfriend called me “secret Asian man” in fact because I have so many masculine traits– I am good at science and math, I like driving, I like fixing things, I like video games and am extremely good at them (better than most men), I play a very masculine instrument, etc, etc.

If you didn’t see me or know my name but were just told about me and my interests, you would think I was a man. I also HATE how being a woman is so limiting. I have been subjected to sexist discrimination, harassment, assault, the lot of it. I am fucking sick to death of it and I KNOW if I had been assigned male at birth, I would never have experienced it. I just lost a very good job because my boss wanted to sleep with me and I rebuffed him, which caused him to retaliate against me and when I complained, I was fired. I HATE living in this female body and I want a male one. I am just scared of coming out, honestly. Scared of what my family and friends will say. I feel like I would have to move to another city to truly be able to start over.

Hating dresses, being good at science, and playing a “very masculine instrument” – as if no women can do these things.

Top rated reply:

“trans with doubts doesn’t equal cis”

The poster further explains that part of what makes her dislike “being a woman” is the harassment she received for having unshaven legs:

When disliking harassment and preferring certain styles of hair and clothing is making people “question their gender” to the extent that they ask other people for advice about it, that says a lot about the narrow gender roles people are feeling confined by. Furthermore, it seems to be a wide consensus in the online trans communities that the act of questioning your gender itself means that you are trans. This sentiment is very pervasive.

Transcript from 00.30: “so first off, if you guys questioned it, um, you probably are transgender”

Enter a caption

According to the poster in the screenshot above, if you’re questioning that very likely means you are trans.

The first thing I want to talk about is the question of “How do I know I’m transgender?” being very, very big in and of itself and breaking it down in bits and pieces.

Let’s talk about how, if someone is even asking themselves that question it probably means, at the very least, they are feeling uncomfortable with their current gender role. So more than likely, the answer to that question (“Am I transgender?”) is “yes.”

If people are even asking the question, it means that more than likely they are transgender, according to this gender therapist.

So we have people growing up steeped in narrow gender roles, questioning their gender, and being told that the very act of questioning means they are transgender. Combine that with medical transition many places being trivially easy to obtain, and you have a situation where people are doing irreversible changes to their bodies on very flimsy grounds.

“questioning to fulltime in 9 months”“from questioning in may to hrt in september”“why wait?”“got my prescription within a month and a half”“questioning in June, Spiro and E in january”

Sexist gender roles + confused young people + the notion that questioning means you are trans + easy access to hormones = a rush of people modifying their bodies in rather extreme ways in order to fit in.

Watching “Mean girls” and thinking “wow, being a girl would be cool”Playing dress-up with cousin, liking Sailor Moon

Childhood pretend play is seen as significant, and again liking female cartoon characters is mentioned.

Hating sports

Hating sports, and again “girls books”.

“Really, what little boy wants to be the girl lion?”

Wanting to dress up as a female character for Halloween, because “really,what little boy wanrs to be the girl lion?”. How deeply misogynist is this statement? As if female characters are so beneath regular boys that wanting to dress up as one immediately robs you of membership in the “boy” category – that’s how little this person thinks of girls.

Never liking sports, action figures, car toys

Another commenter feels that not liking sports means something significant.

Prefer playing house and dress-up

A young male child who likes dancing, playing pretend and wants to learn a craft. Why should this be something abnormal?

Laundry list of stereotypes

This commenter has a long list of points, notable is wanting overalls with a truck pattern”, not wanting to be seen as a lesbian, and wanting short hair.

Hair

Hair AGAIN.

Another long list of stereotypes

And finally another long list, with preferred hair length prominently featured as an important characteristic to mention when talking about being transgender.

Remember posts like these when transgender people claim that being trans is not about gender roles.

basically…it has to do with my coming out story…and…well…ever since I was a little kid I knew there was something different about me and I didn’t like doing all the stereotypical girl things that all my friends liked to do at the time. I…as soon as I was able to dress myself I…I started dressing from the guys department

(…)

my mom put me in ballet and I decided no I don’t wanna go to ballet, I’m gonna play in the mud and so yeah. I did sports as a little kid and I was really into that kind of stuff and I always thought that I’m eh…I’m different

(…)

I dressed like a guy every single day, I wore guy clothes, guy shoes, I did guy things, hung out with guys, um, everything that a little boy would do. My mom started getting mad, she told me I need to dress like a little girl and act like one too. And I was like “no mom I don’t like doing that and I never wore dresses and never wore a skirt, never wore heels. Graduation was a…graduation was horrible, I mean…dress shopping, it didn’t feel right!

(…)

halfway through sophomore year I was watching this video on YouTube of a boy and his transition, and I was like oh my god, this makes sense now

It’s a familiar story in many ways. A female child who does not like to do the things that society tells little girls that they should like. Parents who, as the kid grows older, to an increasing degree try to force the kid into this role they do not want. And finally, discovering YouTube and the many “transition videos” on it. Bingeing on these videos for a couple of weeks, and suddenly wanting to change their sex. These kids end up medical patients for the rest of their lives. They want to start taking testosterone. Ten, twenty years ago, finding yourself as a teen meant getting a tattoo of a Chinese character, maybe some piercings. For these kids, it means starting medical treatments that can make them sterile. After five years on testosterone, the cancer risk explodes and a complete hysterectomy is required. Quite the price to pay for wanting to escape the restrictive feminine gender role.

Several commenters have similar experiences to the young person in the video:

“I’ve always tried to force myself to be ‘girly'”

Where is feminism for these young women? Where are the role models that can show them how to be women without being “girly”?

A similar comment on a different video:

“I binge watched videos for a week, and I just knew”

Again and again, we see this tale. Young women who dislike performing femininity discovering transition videos, and becoming transgender.

A slightly different story, told by Aydian Ethan Dowling, is seen in the video below. As a young girl, Dowling was not gender policed as heavily as many other aspiring transitioners.

Partial transcript, from around 8:15:

I didn’t know what transgender was. I didn’t know you could live that. Maybe if I knew that when I was younger, maybe I would have, um you know. Maybe I would have been more vocal about wanting to do that [transitioning], or maybe I would have known earlier that I wanted to do that. But I didn’t know I was transgender. I didn’t! I had no idea. Ah. Maybe if I lived in a house where…you know, I was being the girl, I was made to do dishes, or, or, clean, or cook, or you know, do my nails, or what, you know. I didn’t have those pressures of doing that.

So apparently, according to Aydian Dowling, if a girl is not trans, she’d be just fine with being made to do dishes, cook, and do her nails. And presumably, if Dowling had been made to do those things, then “maybe I would have known earlier”, to quote the video.

More and more young women are watching these videos on YouTube. Not just watching them, binge-watching them, and in a very short amount of time they decide that they are transgender. These are often troubled young women, trying to fit in in a society where the genders are becoming more and more separated by stereotypes. Many of them are having a difficult time coming to terms with themselves, with their bodies, with their sexuality. But the implications of the stories told in these videos is often sexist. These young women need other stories, other voices.

Today I’m going to be talking about how I knew I was trans. Probably back in the 3rd grade when I started realizing that I wasn’t like other girls. I just loved Pokemon, I loved Dragonball Z, I loved…I didn’t really like Dragonball Z. I liked the…Bayblades, I liked, you know, things like that. Things that you don’t find in the girl’s section of the toy store. Of course I didn’t know I was trans at that time, I just knew that I…didn’t like doing what other girls liked doing. I hated makeup. I hated pink. I hated dresses. I literally cried at my 8th grade graduation cause my mom forced me to wear a dress. I cried. Like full-blown, tears crying tantrum, I cried. Like, cried. There are several instances in my life that I’m looking back at now and actually cracking up about because it was so blatantly obvious, and no one in my family, no one at all really, knew what transgender was, so obviously no one could really put a term to it.

Liking Pokemon and Beyblades are now signs that a person born female is not really a female after all. Likewise hating pink and makeup. Notice how this young woman was policed into gender roles by her mother, forcing her to wear a dress to her graduation.

The video has many comments, including this comment by a 12 year old child:

12 year old doesn’t like being a girl, wants to wear loose pants

My problem is I’m a girl but I don’t like it at all, I like to wear guy clothes like collar shirts or loose pants or the guys hip pants were there really loose. I can’t tell my family because they will think it just a fase or I’m just a tomboy. As of like you said, I don’t like to be indemnified as a girl, I want to known as a guy but I’m scared to talk to m ups rents about it cause I’m only 12 but Im really smart and I’m like an 15 year old. I don’t know what to do after and if I tell my parents about it, like will they take me to a doctor or something? Do I get surgery to get rid of chest? How did it work for you? Do u still have a female body or no? Please let me know as soon as possible, thanks: [redacted]

Wanting to wear collar shirts and loose pants: reason to have surgery to remove your chest.

Like the male child in this article, whose parents took him to multiple psychologists and therapists because he liked “girly” things:

Tru preferred playing with dolls rather than trucks and cars. There was a lot of role playing in female characters, dressing up as a fairy and pretending to have long hair.

Michelle and husband Garfield spoke to the preschool teacher about Tru’s behavior and were told at such a young age it’s not a flag for anything; kids are just curious and try things out.

“And then it progressed and kept getting stronger and stronger, and every chance she had to dress up she was wearing a dress and fairy wings,” says Michelle. “As soon as I got home, I would put on my favourite fairy wings, my favourite sparkly dress, my favourite wig,” Tru says.

(…)

“It’s acceptable for girls to be tomboys,” says Michelle. “Who wouldn’t want to be masculine and tough? But for boys to persist in [feminine] behavior, it usually is an indicator of something more.”

Or how about these siblings, who liked activities not stereotypically associated with their sex:

Beth and her husband Russ — who moved to Cincinnati when kids Russie and Aly were tiny — noticed their children were different from a young age.

At five, Russie liked to play dressing up with girls and Aly, three years younger, preferred to kick a football with the boys.

Or this individual, who felt like he needed “butt pads” to live as his “real me”:

When I was a child I played with Barbie dolls and all my friends were girls. I had an automatic bond with everything feminine and beautiful. We had a gorgeous long hallway and every chance I got I would take a few steps, kneel, and pull down my pants. One day when I was five, my mother noticed this and asked, “Why would you do that?” I couldn’t explain it and I was scared, knowing she was angry, so I kept quiet. “Never do that again,” she told me, and I never did. Later I realized that although I was doing it completely wrong, I was imitating a woman I had seen in a movie, curtsying down that hall.

For Halloween when I was 9, my sister dressed me up in an ugly green gown and grey wig. I felt like a beauty queen, walking up and down the street waving at every car that drove by. My mother couldn’t get me in the house, until she finally had enough. That day was the happiest day of my life until I was 22.

It was then I realized I couldn’t live the life others wanted me to live, and slowly begin transitioning. I threw away my boy clothes and gradually accumulated everything that I needed to feel like myself: nails, wigs, makeup, clothing, and even butt pads. I was living two lives, male by day, woman by night.

However, many transgender activists are quick to assure everyone that being trans has nothing at all to do with stereotypes.

As ever on reddit communities for transgendered people, young teens uncertain about themselves post, and these young teens are overwhelmingly told to start taking hormones in order to try to make their bodies resemble the oppsisite sex.

No, instead they tell him that his body is in prime shape for transition! Implied of course, that it will not stay in prime shape forever. The commenter also assures the child that since he has been uneasy with the start of puberty, he will surely keep being uncomfortable with it. As if being weirded out with the start of puberty is some sign of illness, instead of being a completely normal experience.

Another 15 year old wants to know how to go behind his parents’ backs and obtain prescription medications illegally.

Today my parents said some things that make me unable to come out to them. The problem is Im 15 and need thier consent for treatment.

How can I get hrt without my parents consent. I know diy is dangerous, but it isn’t a choice. It’s something I need to do. The thoughts of how I’m getting more masculine each day are eating me away on the inside.

So whats the safest way to diy. Also what dosege should I use.

Some of the replies:

“Get on hormones now”“DIY is almost harmless”More advice on how to obtain medications illegally“Pressure your mother by telling her how hard your life will be”If you wait, you will lose thousands of dollars, your life will be stressful and you will have a hard time finding loveCalling hormones “magical pills”

Is waiting six months going to harm my transition in any significant way, or is it a good decision to just wait half a year?

And there are plenty of replies urging him to start as soon as possible.

Even though there are a few voices of dissent, the majority of the replies to these young teens tell them that they should look into hormones, and it is not difficult to get very concrete advice on how to obtain them, often illegally. Very rarely do the commenters talk about other possible explanations for the feelings these teens have.

I first came out in 2011 but being ‘trans’ still seems surreal to me. As a child I was mostly indifferent to gender and don’t think I understood it well, I climbed trees, played with chemistry sets and built things. The feelings began roughly after puberty, around 13, when I began developing breasts, hips and a menstrual cycle. It was at this point I was diagnosed with major depression and put on Prozac. I immediately noticed that the menstrual cycle felt un natural and it still does. I felt very uncomfortable having breasts and wore clothing to conceal them and my hips. I starved myself so that my figure was more boyish. I was jealous of guys, thinking I would feel so much happier in that body. Looking at my face, I felt extremely ugly. I felt like a dude in makeup with a face that was neither quite male or female. I also have no ‘maternal instinct’ whatsoever. I find babies sort of cute, but that’s it. I have no drive to reproduce.

(…)

My teenage years were depressing, mostly due to my distraction with my physical appearance and illness. I avoided mirrors like the plague. I also disliked my name because it’s super feminine, but feel better when people use the short form (which is masculine). I feel much more comfortable wearing clothes for men and not wearing makeup. In 2011 my GP dx’d me with GD but I still ask myself if I really am trans and I feel scared of what I’m going to do to myself. When I imagine my face and body looking masculine, I feel happier about it, and more confident. According to my digit ratios I was exposed to very high testosterone levels while I was developing as my ring finger is almost an inch longer than my index finger.

A young woman who has struggled with depression, eating disorders, and who dislikes gendered stereotypes and makeup. Conclusion: trans, must immediately undergo radical body modifications.

Some choice replies:

No one asks about her getting treatment for depression, or eating disorders. No one talks about how it’s possible to be a masculine woman, how it’s possible to prefer men’s clothing and no makeup even as a woman.

This is the state of many online transgendee communities. People, often adults, willing to give medical advice, telling teenagers and children that they should start this medical treatment as soon as possible, and that the consequences of not doing so is losing money, not being beautiful, having difficulties finding friends and partners. Telling them that hormones are magic pills. Never telling anyone to wait, to question their motives, to listen to their parents. It’s very frightening.