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Nothing else to say

I've known my wife for 25 years. 3 weeks ago she said she wanted a divorce and that I was to move out. Every minute of the day, existence is torture. We had broken up from 1994 to 2004, and I was miserable - completely hated myself and my life - for a decade. I could barely even talk to my family, much less date others. I've seen pictures of her during that time we were apart - she had boyfriends, travelled a bit, and had some really good times. But she came back and we got married in 2005. Now she wants a divorce.... and I don't think I can get through it this time, I can't spend the rest of my life feeling that way. We have kids now, and I can't escape. I'm even supposed to pay her to make it easier for her to do this to me. It hurts to be alive. And the only thing I think of, even while I'm asleep, is suicide. I want nothing else but to be dead. However, actually taking those ideas and impulses to the next level is something different. I hate the idea that I will have to wake up in the morning and feel like this again - over and over. One day I won't wake up, and that day can't get here soon enough. I confess that I would like to put myself into a position that taking my own life becomes more than just a fantasy.

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Actually, you have a lot to say and it's worth repeating and have someone listen to you. I'm sorry that your wife is seeking a divorce, but suicide is not the answer. It may seem like you can't live without her, but the reality is that you know you can. Your kids are a big reason why you should. It's not going to be easy. You're going to have to deal with some really uncomfortable feelings and emotions, but you will survive this. This is a chance for you to work on you and when you're ready another woman will enter your life. But for now, it's one day at a time. But please go seek help.