Archive for March, 2008

Performance Show

Good Evening, America! Here we are… down to the final 10. Can you feel the excitement in the air? Maybe that isn’t excitement… it could be crazy. Being this close to Paula, one can never tell. Anyway. These are the singers who will be gracing the stages of half-empty arenas across the country all summer long. By the end of May, one of our hopefuls will be America’s Next Top Model. Sorry, wrong show. Ryan doesn’t have enough gadunka dunk to by Tyra. This… is American Idol!It’s Birthday Night on Idol, meaning that the singers are choosing songs from the year they were born. That can be quite dangerous. There’s a lot of room to go wrong here. (I think hearing when they were all born is going to make me feel quite old.) We can expect a lot of comments about poor song choice. I could be wrong though, but, honestly, when has that ever been the case?First up, Ramiele. She was born in 1987 and will be singing “Alone”. This is a big song, and she has the potential to do extremely well because she has a big voice to go with it. Ramiele has some problems with mic placement, voice going in and out. Mostly it sounded like she was shouting instead of singing. The problems with her voice could be because she was sick, which Paula reminded us as she was clapping her Catwoman Gloves. (I prefer to think that the problem was because Ramiele is dull and was overcompensating. She hasn’t been good since the first week of the Top 24.) Ramiele is the first contestant up, and she’s the first contestant to be told it wasn’t the right song choice. Depending on how the rest of the night goes, she’ll probably be in the Bottom 3, but I know she has a strong fan base, so she may be around for another week.Jason Castro is next. Also born in 1987, he and his deep blue eyes will be singing “Fragile”. Tonight is his birthday, so hopefully he does well and his birthday present can be that he sticks around. The guitar is back this week, and it works. He was very chill and definitely in his element. Reminded me a lot of a coffee house performance, but I liked it anyway. Next week, he needs to step up his game. After his performance during the Top 24, I keep waiting for another moment of pure magic.Syesha was also born in 1987. (I’m starting to see a trend developing.) She’s singing “If I Were Your Woman”. Take a note, Ramiele. This is how it is done. If you’re going to stand there and sing a power ballad, then you need to put emotion behind what you’re singing. And Syesha did just that. Two weeks in a row, she’s done great performances. After a few missteps, she’s back on her game, and in a very big way.Chikezie is our 4th singer of the evening. He doesn’t do much for me. (It has nothing to do with the fact that I’m still holding a slight grudge about the Danny Noriega vote.) Chikezie was born in 1985, and he’s doing “If Only for One Night”. Another ballad. The mosh pit is definitely getting to wave their arms till their heart’s content. This wasn’t as good as Syesha, but definitely better than Ramiele. (That’s not saying much though.) Is it his time to go home yet? I’m bored with him. I’ve recently discovered that the opposite of love is not hate. It’s indifference. And I’m definitely indifferent when it comes to Chikezie. Brooke White, America’s Sweetheart, was born in 1983. She’s singing “Every Breath You Take” and is back in front of the piano this week. She had a small false start, quickly recovered, and started over. I didn’t like it when the band came in halfway through the song. I would have preferred that it were just her. The first half was phenomenal, and that’s the Brooke I love. It needs to be said that being a successful recording artist isn’t just about radio play. Norah Jones and Josh Groban have sold millions of records and won numerous Grammy’s, but they aren’t going to get a lot of Top 40 play. Brooke White is not mainstream, and she doesn’t have to be. She truly is the Carly Simon for a new generation.Michael Johns is next. He was born in 1978. (Finally, someone older than me.) Michael is back in top form this week. The lighting is great. The band is on fire. He’s got energy and passion. This is the Michael that has been missing the past few weeks. Just like Syesha, he’s back, and he’s amazing! David Archuleta is somewhere backstage quaking in his Weeboks.Carly Smithson (named after Carly Simon) was born in 1983. She’s doing one of my all-time favorites songs, “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. The tone is right. Her voice is on. The backup singer is perfect. This is how it should be done. (Randy is on crack.) There should be no reason for her to be in the Bottom 3 this week after that performance. David Archuleta, the Tween Dream, was born in 1990. He’s singing “You’re the Voice”. I don’t think I’m familiar with this song. 1990 was the middle of the Paula Abdul obsession, and my brother was listening to rap music, so this song didn’t register on either of our radars. I can’t deny that he has an amazing voice, but this felt like the finale to some ill-conceived, let’s hug the world After-School Special. David’s strength lies in power ballads. I thought he realized a few weeks ago that up-tempo songs were not for him. Obviously not. No matter what I say, 25 million screaming 12 year old girls are still going to vote for him.

Kristy Lee Cook, my new favorite train wreck, is next. She was born in 1984. She’s singing “God Bless the USA”. Seriously? Is she that hard up for votes that she has to pull out the patriotic song? She’s effectively saying, “If you don’t vote for me, you hate America”. No, honey, I love America. I just hate you. (Josh Gracin did it better back in old days of Idol.) The judges loved it. I was not as thrilled. Bah. This does pretty much put the nail in Ramiele’s coffin though.David Cook is our final contestant of the evening. The baby photo of him they showed before the break was quite frightening. It made Icky Elliot (before the new teeth) look like a Top Model. Seriously, they couldn’t have found a better picture? It looked like he was constipated on strained peas. Anyway. He was born in 1982. David is singing “Billy Jean”. Not the Michael Jackson version, of course. I hate to say this… more than you can possibly imagine… but that was phenomenal. I was blown away. It was brilliant. Ugh, that was painful to admit. I still don’t like him personally, and you can’t make me.Well, that’s our show for tonight. Taking the top spots are are David Cook and Michael Johns. Falling somewhere in the middle are Syesha, Brooke White, David Archuleta, Carly, Jason Castro, and Kristy Lee Cook. Hanging out in the bottom rung are Ramiele and Chikezie with one of the middle, probably Carly Smithson, joining them in the Bottom 3. But it all depends on how America votes. With only a few stellar performances and a lot of mediocrity, the Bottom 3 could be very surprising. We’ll just have to wait and see. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.

Results Show

Good Evening, America! Here we are again. It’s the end of the road for one of our contestants. But as we all know by now, we’re not gonna get there for another hour. So sit back, get comfortable, and enjoy the filler. This… is American Idol!

Our Top 10, with a preview of what the tour will look like, are doing a group song medley. The horrible choreography is back. Some of them definitely have more natural rhythm than others. Jason Castro looks like he should be dancing with the Brady Bunch. (It’s a sunshine day!) He makes Brooke White look like a Fly Girl. Did anyone else spot David Hernandez and Danny Noriega in the audience behind the judges? Nice to see David could take some time off from his busy stripping schedule to come back and see his old friends.

We’re now treated to a package showing how the Idols record their songs every week so it can be downloaded on iTunes. In truth, it’s just a big commercial for iTunes. Yes, if you didn’t know, you can download the performances every week on iTunes. That’s right. iTunes. And iTunes is best experienced if you are drinking a Coke and making a call on your AT&T wireless phone while driving the Ford vehicle of your choice.

Time to start the results. Will it be the Safety Couch or the Terror Stools? First up, Chikezie. With him being first, that means he’s safe… but he’s not. He’s in the Bottom 3! (Maybe I’m not indifferent to him after all. I felt great joy when he got sent over to the stools.) Brooke White, America’s Sweetheart, is up next. Thankfully, she’s safe for another week! (Yay! Oh happy day!) Carly wants us to know she isn’t pregnant. Ryan wants us to know that she’s safe. (Now that my girls are safe, I could care less who goes home, but it would make it a perfect night if Jason Castro, Michael Johns, and Syesha were safe as well. Yes, I’ve picked my favorites. Everyone else no longer ranks.)

Time for the Ford Music Video of the week to “I Want You to Want Me”. T-shirts, CD’s, and posters come to life with images of our finalists singing. Jason Castro thinks it’s all part of some horrible psychedelic trip and runs off the stage screaming. (Okay, so that didn’t happen, but it would have been fun.) The commercial is cheese-tastic! I love it.
Back to the results. David Archuleta is up. They should just let him walk right to the couch, because he’s safe. (Big shock there.) David Cook, the Comb Over King, is safe as well. (Blah) Syesha, unfortunately, is joining Chikezie in the Bottom 3. Michael Johns, the Aussie Idol, is safe. (Big shock there too.)

Time for Calls from the Fans. Things we learned this week: Chikezie is single. David Archuleta honestly liked the song he chose last night. (Seriously?) Simon thinks it wouldn’t take much talent for someone to replace Ryan. (They need to just kiss and get it over with.) Brooke wants to do a duet with John Mayer. (Good choice.) And finally, Simon would never say that he’s the most attractive person on the show… he’d let other people say it for him. Hmmm, not as much fun as last week.
Kimberley Locke is here to perform for us. Besides performing, Kimberley has opened her own restaurant and lost 40 lbs. (Those two facts are not related.) She’s singing “Fall” from her new cd “Based on a True Story”. It’s a really strong ballad that showcases her amazing vocal abilities. Hmmm, I think I need to download her cd from iTunes. Yes, iTunes. Did you know that you can download this season’s Idol performances on iTunes? Just checking.

Once more to the results. Ramiele, wearing Jennifer Beales’ wardrobe from Flashdance, is safe. (You have to be kidding me with this.) Now it’s down to Jason Catro and Kristy Lee Cook. (It better be Kristy. It’s only fitting that Kristy Lee Cook join the Kristy Lee Cook Trio.) America has voted, and Kristy is safe. (Not happy.)

That means our Bottom 3 are Jason Castro, Syesha, and Chikezie. (It should have been Chikezie, Ramiele, and Kristy.) While Jason rambles about his nervousness, Ryan sends him back to the couches and to safety. Down to Syesha and Chikezie. The panel is split on who should go home. America is not. Syesha is safe. Chikezie is going home. (And behind Simon, Danny Noriega does a happy dance for finally getting his vindication.) Ugh, it’s that damn Ruben song again.

Well, that’s all for this week. I’m oh so happy with the results! It’s like America has been reading my blog. Can we try for Kristy Lee Cook or Ramiele next week? Thank you in advance. Next week, rumor has it, will be country week with living legend Dolly Parton. What kind of cover will David Cook find for that? Will Kristy sail through? Will David Archuleta’s father have him sing “Islands in the Stream” as a solo? Find out next week. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.

Performance Show

Good Evening, America! Here we are… Week 2, and we’re already 1 stripper down. (Hey, if he’s looking for something to do, maybe David Hernandez can go on Dancing with the Stars now. He’s seems appropriately D-List enough.) So, this week we’re doing even more Beatles songs. (Ryan claims that the viewers demanded it. My guess is that the Idol producers forked over mucho dinero to get the rights to the song book, and they wanted to stretch their investment a little bit further.) Can lightening strike twice, or will a contestant get burned? Who will rise? Who will fall? Who will take a classic song and turn it into something straight out of Deliverance? (I’m looking at you, Kristy Lee Cook.) Let’s find out together. This… is American Idol!

Amanda Overmeyer is our first Idol up tonight. After an amazing performance last week, we’re expecting a lot from her. She’s singing “Back in the USSR”. (Honestly, I was expecting her to do Helter Skelter.) She’s bringing her usual energy and definitely working the stage. Again, she doesn’t have much of a range, and by that, I mean she doesn’t have a range at all… but range isn’t why I like her. I like her because she’s fun, and that was fun.

Kristy Lee Cook is up next, and I have my ear plugs ready. There’s a rumor floating around that Paul McCartney has a lynch mob waiting outside the studio for her if she tries any crap like she did last week. I say, “Get her Paul! Take Heather’s fake leg and give her a good ‘ol, down-home, country beat down!” (That’ll learn her.) This week, she’s doing “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away”. She’s starting with her natural country twang, but she hasn’t done anything horrible to the song itself. This is what the judges wanted her to do last week. (I guess it took the biggest disaster in Idol history to get it through her head.) The performance wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great either. It lacked emotion and energy, and she lost herself when her voice went into the lower register. It was very blah for me.

David Archuleta follows her, and he’s another one that has a lot to prove after falling on his face last week. He’s performing “The Long and Winding Road”. He’s a very talented and adorable kid, but I just don’t see him as a pop superstar anymore. He’s got Clay Aiken show appeal. He’s a nice kid with a great voice that’s easy to root for. I can see his future consisting of him singing at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games or maybe the Miss America pageant. (Ooh, I also think he and Miley Cyrus would make a very cute couple.) But hey, that’s just my never humble opinion. To be fair, his performance tonight was amazing.

Michael Johns, our Aussie Idol, is 4th tonight. He’s doing “A Day in the Life”, a 6 minute song that will go down to 90 seconds. I was getting ready to say that he was definitely making up for his blah performance last week, and then he hit a horribly off-key note at the end of the first verse. He kinda recovered and finished semi-strong. Michael isn’t what I would call a consistent performer. He and Syesha are showing American how to fall apart completely when it really counts. As Paula said… after she babbled incomprehensibly… he needs to step it up.

Brooke White, America’s Sweetheart, is next with “Here Comes the Sun”. After her amazing performance last week of “Let It Be”, she’s hoping for another great week. There’s something so warm and pure about her. Brooke has zero ego about herself. When she performs, it’s inviting. Unfortunately… this wasn’t her best performance (and she’ll be the first to tell you that), but I still love her. I mean, how can you not? I just hope the rest of the country loves her enough to keep her around.

On the other end of the ego spectrum… David Cook. He’s doing “Daytripper”, the Whitesnake version. I know it sounds shallow (and what else would you expect from me), but I still hate his hair. (If you want to be Chris Daughtry, just shave it off and be done with it.) He is talented. I can’t deny that, but performing the songs well doesn’t mean that he connects with them or even knows what they are about. His smug and smarmy self deserves to stick around… but that doesn’t mean I have to like him.

Carly Smithson, who the voices in my head tell me is the new front-runner to win this season, is singing “Blackbird”. It’s a ballad, and sure enough, the mosh pit is waving their arms. (At least they’re consistent.) She started low and soft and built slowly throughout the song. The last few notes when she was staring right into the camera were definitely captivating. And I have to say, she has the most gorgeous green eyes. I think it was another great performance from Carly.

Jason Castro, our Idol Muppet, is next with “Michelle”. (I thought he would choose “I Am the Walrus.) He’s another one, like Brooke White, who just seems real and approachable. He left the guitar at home tonight, but he brought the John Travolta eyebrows. Jason doesn’t take himself too seriously. He enjoys singing and performing, and it shows. It was a subdued performance, but just like Brooke, not another great performance. It felt disconnected though I have a feeling he’ll be around next week to charm us again.

Syesha, wanting to improve over her bland by-the-numbers performance of last week, is singing “Yesterday”. It’s just her and a guitarist, soft and subdued, but she’s already showing more emotion than last week. She’s connecting with the song, and you can feel the passion she feels for the song. It was nearly flawless, but not incredible.

Chikezie is next. He’s singing, “I’ve Just Seen a Face”, which is one of my favorites songs from “Across the Universe”. (I’m going to keep plugging that movie till all of you have seen it.) He starts off slow and makes it a ballad. Half-way through, he breaks out the harmonica and kicks the song into gear. I grew to like the first part, and I liked the second part, but the disconnect between the two was a little too jarring for me. I don’t think it worked as a total package. He tried to recapture the magic of last week, and it just didn’t happen.

Ramiele is the last performer of the evening. She’s singing “I Should Have Known Better”, which is what the producers should call the entire show tonight. Ramiele is rocking the munchkin J-Lo look. The strutting back and forth across the stage comes off as coy and pageanty. The song doesn’t do much for her, and the few big notes she hits don’t really help to raise her performance. Better than last week, but not much.

Boy, Ryan sure was a product whore this evening… making plugs for the iPhone, iTunes, and Coke. (Can you say AWKWAAAAARD!) Tonight was full of mediocre song choices. It completely destroyed the amazing memories of last week, and unfortunately, there were only a few bright spots. For the Top 3, I would have to pick Carly, Syesha, and David Archuleta. Though it’s hard to pick a Bottom 3, I think we’ll all be surprised when Kristy and Ramiele are joined by Michael Johns or Amanda Overmeyer.

Well, that’s all for tonight. Tune in tomorrow night for another campy Ford commercial… oh, and also the results. Who will stay? Who will go home? Who will convince the costumers that Ramiele isn’t their personal Bratz doll? Should be fun to watch. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.

Results Show

Good Evening, America! Another performance show down, and that means another wannabe has to go home. After last night’s less than stellar showing, several people could see their names in the bottom three. Who would pay the price tonight for Tuesday’s mistakes? Who will make the Top 10 and get to extend their 15 minutes of fame by going on the tour and singing in half-empty arenas? After 59 minutes of filler, we’ll find out. This… is American Idol!

Before we get to the main part of the filler, they’ve decided to reveal the mentor’s for this season. And they include: Dolly Parton, Mariah Carey, Andrew Lloyd Webber, and Neil Diamond. Pretty good choices. Dolly is an icon. Mariah Carey (no matter how much I hate her) is an amazing singer. Andrew Lloyd Webber is a legend. Neil Diamond… well, they could have done better with that one. 5 bucks says David Archuleta has already signed up to sing “America”.

The Final 11 now treat us to this week’s group song. Was it just me, or was Ramiele’s mic not working? Overall, the harmonies were pretty good. There wasn’t any ridiculous choreography. Other than the song being a little bland, it was decent. (I’m feeling generous tonight.)

Like last week, they’ve decided to stretch the results out for the whole hour. First up to find out her fate is Brooke White. (I’ll admit it, I’m nervous.) Thankfully, or else there would have been tears and a tantrum, she’s safe! Carly Smithson is next, and shockingly, she’s in the Kristy Lee Cook Trio… I mean the Bottom 3. (I didn’t see this one coming at all.) Bad job America. Bad, bad job. You know better than that. David Archuleta, the Tween Dream, is safe. (Totally saw that one coming.) Michael Johns is safe. (Yawn.)

Our next filler package is a behind-the-scenes of this week’s Ford Music Video. (They’re really stretching for things to fill the hour.) I must give props to Michael Johns for his Susan Lucci reference. If only he would have done the Soap Opera Eyebrow Raise, it would have been perfect. (And if you don’t know what that is, I’ll demonstrate it for you sometime.) After that, we get to see the actual video, which is to the tune of “Should I Stay or Should I Go”. I’m so glad that this season they’ve decided to embrace the campiness of these commercials. Instead of them being unintentionally funny, now they’re over the top on purpose. I love it! (I’m also very easily amused.)

David Cook, our Ego Idol, is next for his results. His smug self is safe. (Blah.) Kristy Lee Cook, who will never EVER be Carrie Underwood, is in the Bottom 3. (Well, at least that one was right.) Jason Castro is next and safe. (Yay!) Ramiele is safe. (Hmmm, I’m not doing too well at my picks from last night for the Bottom 3.)

Unfortunately, we’re now to the Live Call portion of the show. Last week, I thought it was stupid and painful, but for some reason, I’m really enjoying the questions this week. (The extra sleep last night must have turned me into a nicer person. Cross your fingers it isn’t permanent.) Simon was witty with his responses, and I loved seeing Paula blush when he said she was a good kisser. In my opinion, and in this blog that’s the opinion that matters, I think they should keep the questions directed towards Ryan or the Judges. We learn so much about the Idols during their clips; it’s nice to see a personal side to the others.

Kelly Pickler is here to “entertain” us with a song. (Well, it’s easy to see what she bought with her Idol money.) Nice to see she’s just as stupid as ever. Kelly’s singing “Red High Heels”. It isn’t a remarkable song, but she has a good voice. I think there was something with Icky Elliot too, but my TV has an automatic shut-off when he’s on screen.

Back to the results, Syesha is safe. It’s down between Amanda Overmeyer and Chikezie for the last spot in the Bottom 3. After the vote, Chikezie is safe, which means our Bottom 3 is Amanda Overmeyer, Carly Smithson, and Kristy Lee Cook. Other than Carly being there, I think America was on target, and thankfully Carly is sent back to safety. Now it’s down to Amanda and Kristy. If there’s any justice in the world (I do like to be melodramatic.), Kristy will be the one to go home. Unfortunately, there is no justice to be had, and Amanda is sent back home to frighten some more patients as the Scariest Nurse in America. Ugh, there’s that Ruben song again.

Well, that’s our Idol for the week. I’m going to miss Amanda and her singing/yelling. She was fun and brought something different to the show. Because we’re running late, Ryan doesn’t tell us what next week’s theme will be. Let’s just pray it isn’t Neil Diamond week already. So, tune in Tuesday to see David Archuleta sing another ballad. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.

Performance Show

Well, here we are.It’s been a year since we were last together.Did you miss me?This is a whole new season for Idol.New intro.New set.New…. Hmmm, no, that’s about all that’s new.I must say, the new set is quite impressive.The Oscars are definitely going to have Set Envy after this.And because someone thought there was a huge need for it, American Idol now has its very own mosh pit.Seriously?A mosh pit?Yeah, because when I think of American Idol, I totally picture tweens and cougars thrashing around to the likes of Taylor Hicks.Just think how dangerous it would have been if the Claymates had had a mosh pit in Season 2…. Ooooh, buddy, you know how worked up they can get!

Ahhh, there’s my favorite talking head Ryan, and I have to say this… he totally stole my hair style… but I’ve been told I wear it better.(Like there was any doubt?)There’s Paula, looking as crazy as ever.(The more things change, the more they stay the same.)And Simon, whose shirt is already half unbuttoned.(He must be taking wardrobe cues from David Hernandez.)This week, we’re dealing with the Lennon/McCartney songbook.This should be interesting for the performers and the viewers at home.Unless you had parents that schooled you in classic music (Thanks Mom and Dad), there’s probably a whole generation out there that isn’t familiar with these songs.With this season having the “Most Talented Top 12” EVER (big sweeping hand motion), it’s time for our wannabes to go big or go home.Will David Archuleta run away with the competition?Or will he falter, and allow one of the many dark horses to come along and take the victory?Let’s find together.This… is American Idol!

First up is Syesha Mercado, who has the potential to be the Tamyra Gray of this season.She’s sporting semi-Sanjaya hair and chose the up-tempo “Got to Get You Into My Life”.Up-tempo is usually a good way to go the first week.Keeps the audience entertained and it allows the performer to show off a bit of their personality.Unfortunately, Syesha started nervous and did a paint-by-numbers performance.She hit some big notes, and it’s probably enough to get her through, but I expected a lot more from her.

Next up is Chikezie, which isn’t even a real name, and who I really want to hate because I feel he took Danny Noriega’s spot in the Top 12.(Just think how fun it would have been to have had a Sanjaya that could actually sing?)He and I should have a bond seeing as how he used to stalk Paula at LAX, and we all know about my mini-obsession with her.(Good news!The restraining order has been lifted!)He does “She’s a Woman”, and it’s straight out of “O Brother Where Art Thou”.I want to hate it… but I can’t.He nailed it and secured himself a spot for next week.

Ramiele is singing “In My Life” which I know as the theme song to the TV show “Providence”.This girl is meant to be a diva, but she totally played it safe.She has such a big voice for such a tiny girl.Unfortunately, it was pretty, but boring.Paula said she looked pretty, which is never good because that means she doesn’t have anything good to say.And if Paula has nothing good to say, you know you’re in trouble.

Jason Castro takes the stage next with his guitar to sing “If I Fell”.It’s very MTV Unplugged.It seemed effortless, and though he made weird faces as he was singing, it had a lot of heart.He always seems to connect with the songs.

Carly Smithson is doing “Come Together”.As everyone knows, she had a recording contract… and she sold a whopping 500 copies of her cd.(I think even Taylor Hicks sold a few more than that.)Does anyone else think the tattoo on her right arm looks like Amy Winehouse?And what’s up with her skirt?Did she forget it at home?Is skirt off sick?She sings with a lot of soul and emotion, and the performance is phenomenal.She’s definitely in it to win it.

David Cook is next.I know I’m in the minority here, but there is something about this guy that I don’t like.(It’s not his comb over either, but that doesn’t help matters.)He’s doing “Eleanor Rigby”, and he immediately goes into this rocker, whispery gruff voice.David thinks he’s Chris Daughtry, but for me, it’s more like Daughtry-Lite.He is a good singer, and he might have done a good job, but I don’t care for him.He’s smarmy.Oh well, I’m sure he’ll be here next week.Blah.

Now we have Brooke White, who is on her way to being America’s Sweetheart.I don’t know how you could not like this girl.Brooke is performing “Let it Be”.As the song starts, it’s just her and the piano, and later the band comes in at exactly the right moment.She has a mesmerizing, haunting quality to her voice.She’s captivating and confident.I love, love, LOVE her!

Taking the stage next is our resident stripper, David Hernandez, singing “I Saw Her Standing There”.His shirt is already untucked, so he’s ready for his routine… I mean performance.(I’m going to ignore the part where he tries to convince us that he worked in a pizza bistro.)David usually has a good voice, but this was not a good performance.Not at all.He performed too much, which overshadowed his lacking vocals, and it came off corny.Paula said, “You know I love your voice”, which is another indication that she has nothing good to say.After that performance, David may be working for dollars again pretty soon.

Amanda Overmeyer, who I like to call “Janis Joplin Reincarnated”, or as my mom likes to call her, “The Scariest Nurse on the Planet”, is singing “You Can’t Do That”.She doesn’t have a great range, but she puts everything she has into her performance.She slurs some of her lyrics, but I’m sure Paula could understand her.Amanda is always entertaining, but as much as I like her, she shouldn’t be entertaining any ideas that she’ll make it to the final 2.

Michael Johns, our Idol from Down Under, is singing “Across the Universe”.(If you haven’t seen the movie Across the Universe, you definitely should.It’s like Moulin Rouge, but with Beatles songs.)He says he really feels this song, but I didn’t feel much passion or emotion coming from him.It was very blah for me… very David Hasslehoff-esque.It just didn’t seem to go anywhere.He better hope that people vote on his looks tonight instead of his performance.

Bringing us the most painful performance of the night is Kristy Lee Cook doing a country version of “8 Days a Week”.For weeks, the judges have been telling her that she should put a country influence into her songs.She went a little too far.(Okay, way too far.)Growing up in West Virginia, I should have enjoyed the ho-down, square dance vibe, but I wasn’t down for that trip to the county fair.It should have been more Reba country and less Hee-Haw.I kept waiting for the back up singers to pop up out of the cornfield.Girl needs to be packing her bags and checking to see if she can get her barrel horse back.

David Archuleta is closing the show for us tonight doing the Stevie Wonder version of “We Can Work It Out”.This kid is as cute as can be.After Paula cuts off his head and hangs it from her rearview mirror, I want to pinch his cheeks.In the past, David has been one of the strongest, if not the strongest performer.Not tonight.He forgot the lyrics and let it show.This was not his style.Ballads are definitely his strength.He should be very grateful that there’s an army of tweens poised to vote for him no matter what he does.He also just gave away his lead and opened the competition to the other 3 or 4 singers who had an amazing night.

Well, that’s our show for tonight.For me, Carly, Brooke, Jason Castro, and yes, even Chikezie (still not a real name) and David Cook stood out.In the bottom, I would have to put Ramiele, David Hernandez, and Kristy Lee Cook.Will David Hernandez be back to working at the pizza bistro?(wink, wink)Will Kristy Lee Cook be tarred and feathered for what she did to that song?And will the producers get the mosh pit to stop waving their arms in the air during every slow song?(That last one is just a personal request of mine.)Tune in tomorrow night to see whose dreams are already shattered.Same Steve Time.Same Steve Channel.

Results Show

Good Evening, America! I’m so loving the fact that we’re down to two nights of Idol a week. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Idol, but 3 nights was a little much. This is much more manageable. And here we are with our first results show of the Top 12. Anything can happen tonight, and after the unpredictable happenings last night, there are a good number of people that should have been safe that could be going home. Just think, for 30 seconds of results, we have to sit through 59.5 minutes of filler and commercials. Are you ready? Let’s brave it together. This… is American Idol!

Jim Carey is here tonight supporting John McCain and the Republican Party. Oh, I’m sorry, I was just informed he has a new movie coming out this weekend called “Horton Hears a Who”. My bad. And before our Top 12 can try to sing together, we’re told that next week, we’re doing more Lennon/McCartney. That’ll be interesting. This is what I like to call “pushing it”. For the group number, the Top 12 are butchering… I mean singing a Beatles medley. First, I want to make a plea again that they let Paula choreograph these group numbers. Second, whoever is running the sound tonight should be fired. Not being able to hear all the singers is even worse than being able to hear everything, but these are great songs, so I’m going to let it slide. Oh well. Bygones.

After fast-forwarding through clips of last night, we move immediately into the results. (I know, I’m shocked too.) Carly, Michael, Jason, and Syesha are told to stand up. The Irish, The Aussie, and The Muppet are safe for next week, but Syesha is in the Bottom 3. It’s completely her fault. She was just so-so on a night where there were many exceptional performances. And now, I’ll fast-forward through her singing again. Hearing it once last night was enough.

As we come back from commercial, we get to my favorite part of the results show… the Ford Commercial! This week they are doing a quasi-funny election themed video. Not sure exactly what they are running for… I hope it isn’t President, because Carly and Michael are not eligible. (They’re foreigners, remember?) They could be Governor of California though. It seems like anybody can get that job.

More filler about how much American Idol has changed their lives. Blah. Fast-forward. Okay, more results. Chikezie, Amanda, Kristy, and David Cook are told to stand. (Hmmm, out of these four, I wonder who is in the Bottom 3?) Chikezie, Amanda, and the Comb Over are safe for next week, and Kristy is sent to be part of the Bottom 3. Seeing as how it took over an hour for my ears to stop bleeding last night, I’m fast forwarding through her singing again.

Now, we’re having fun with viewer questions. Okay, not really fun. Can we please not do this segment again? Fast-forwarding to Katharine McFee. I’m still shocked her cd didn’t do well. Of course, I didn’t buy it, and I haven’t heard it, so I don’t know if it was good or not, but still, I’m shocked. After listening to her vocals tonight, I want to go on the record again and say that I think she should have won out over Taylor Hicks.

Jim Carey is on stage pretending to wait for his results. Ryan plays his part and say, “America voted. They love him.” Really Ryan? Have you checked the box office results for his last 3 movies? I think “love” is a little strong. Results again. David Archuleta, Brooke, David Hernandez, and Ramiele go to the center of the stage. David A., Brooke, and Ramiele are safe which means our resident stripper is the last member of our Bottom 3. Again, not really caring to hear him sing again.

The viewers definitely got the Bottom 3 correct. Syesha, who was the first to join the Bottom 3 tonight, is the first one sent back to safety. (Which is exactly what should have happened.) And the person going home this week is…David Hernandez. (Personally, I think after the way Kristy Lee Cook butchered that song, she shouldn’t be allowed to sing in public ever again.) Poor David… his hopes of stardom have been stripped away. (Ha ha! Get it? Stripped away!) David says we’ll see him at the top. Yeah, the top of the pole, on top of the chair, on top of the bar… (I’m funny.)

The new ‘you just got voted off the most popular show on television’ song is by Ruben Studdard. Eh, can we have “Bad Day” back please?

That’s our show for tonight. Tune in next week to see the Idols do another round of Lennon/McCartney songs… more specifically, most of the songs we heard in the medley tonight. Will Kristy destroy another Beatles classic? Will David Archuleta forget his words again? Will David Cook do another note-for-note cover of a song that someone else has already covered and stand there and pretend he arranged it? I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Same Steve Time. Same Steve Channel.