Gas-Fighting Underwear Is Not Only Gross But Bad For Girls

This is because I am a human being who exists on the planet. As such, tooting happens. I mean, not if we have just started dating. For those first few blissful weeks, I store up my farts and take a special bus out to a field upstate where I stand quietly expelling noxious gases for several hours. Don't ask me where upstate, because I won't tell you. I need my privacy.

But if you are a long-time partner, a family member, a friend, you have probably been around me when it's happened. I'm not, admittedly a 12-year old boy about it. I have a certain base-line level of shame, after all. But, and this is key, I'm not going to let my shame prevent me from living a happy life, nor am I going to let it to do me physical harm. If I held in my farts? That's exactly what would happen.

As much as it might seem otherwise, I'm not going to write an ode to the gas we pass. I just want to make sure we're on the same page -- gas happens. That's why I find this "fart filtering underwear" that apparently neutralizes the smell of gas now being sold online so ridiculous. I think it's deplorable to mine a consumer's insecurities just to make a tidy profit.

I think it's doubly so when the consumer of whom speak is a woman. Because I guarantee you, there are more women than there are men buying these under garments. That's because as ladies we're made to feel shame almost constantly, especially when it comes to advertising. Think of all the lotions, potions, and products you've purchased because you were worried about how you looked or smelled?

While I can appreciate wanting to be sensitive to the noses of those around you, I think this product is particularly pernicious. I do wear deodorant, after all. But you won't find me knocking folks over to buy those vagina washes currently being sold. You know, because of how your girl-parts need to not smell like girl-parts but rather, daisies? Barf. This is poo-pourri all over again, and I want no part of it. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a special chartered bus headed upstate to catch.