Monday, September 14, 2015

Tears Can Clear Your Vision

Well, today has had its ups and its downs. But the downs certainly brought home a lot of reality about how amazing and miraculous it is that I have the family I do. And it's been a big day for our family in that Lily and Jason bought their house.
I mean...this house deal has been more complex than someone trying to buy the Empire State Building. I swear. You have no idea. For MONTHS it was on, then it was off. Then it was on. Then...
You get the picture and thank GOD it finally happened because I couldn't take any more crying.
Here's the note I found this morning when I went to get my coffee.

It is not unusual for me to find a note when I wake up. I have cigar boxes full of them. The sweetest love notes you can imagine.

It is just a complete motherfucking miracle for me to be married to a man like this (this man!) for over thirty years.

And he worked like a bulldog making sure that Lily and Jason got that house. Every time things looked like they were at a complete dead end, he'd find away around the obstacle. He worked with the realtors, the bank, repair men, roofers...you name it, he found a way to make it all work. He had a vision of the boys and the new baby playing in that big beautiful yard and he wasn't going to lose sight of that for hell or high water. And Lily and Jason hung in there and did everything that was humanly possible for them to do and I am so proud of them.

Here's me and Gibson this morning while the signing was going on.

When Lily got home she was telling Gibson that they'd bought their new house and they were going to be moving into that new house.

"You'll be moving all of your things into the new house!" I told Gibson. "Won't that be awesome?"

He hesitated. He looked at me and at his mama and he said as serious as a heart attack, "But I not that strong."

Oh my god. That child. We reassured him that Daddy and Boppy and Mama and would be moving the heavy stuff. And Vergil, too.

He was cool with that.

"You can carry some of your toys," I told him. "You can help."

He didn't seem to be too interested in that prospect. He was hungry.

You know what one of the coolest things about their new house is? It's a lot closer to Mer and Bop's house.

Oh Lord. I keep getting weepy today. Which is okay. It is fine and it is just overflow from the heart. I wept a little when May and Michael came by for a short, sweet visit. I can't believe they're getting married soon. They brought me this.

And I got to see Jessie when she came over to Lily's after the house-signing. I was kissing baby bellies left and right and getting weepy about that too. And other things. You know. But like I said- it was good. The miracle of my husband, my children. The miracle of their love for each other. The miracle of more babies.

I went by a different Goodwill. I found a tiny blue and black striped long-sleeved onesie and a tiny hoodie in bright daffodil yellow. Good for either boys or girls. And a cashmere scarf in plaid, made in Scotland. And a cashmere and silk drapey sweater. And a silly little housewarming present for Lily and Jason. And other stuff.

Only the little onesie and hoodie made me cry.

I'm a puddle. I'm a mess. My husband just left for Orlando, the auction. I wept telling him good-bye.

This makes me cry too. Another note. This one left for Owen during his second week of school, written by his daddy.

Jason's rendering of their new house.

The amazing gift of all of this. All of this love. When I was talking to May today I told her that one thing I am sure of is that she and her sisters and her brother will never have one second of doubt that their mother loved them. And she agreed. And I'm pretty sure she meant it.

"Unless you get a brain tumor and forget," I told her.

And we laughed about that.

Love and laughter. We have it all. And when we have tears we can hold each other and cry with each other. We don't ever have to feel alone either in our sorrows or in our fears or our joys. Never.

None of us are strong enough to do it by ourselves.

And we don't have to. We have each other to hold on to, to kiss, to hug, to love, to laugh with.

And today was a day in which I was reminded of that in great and joyful ways.

Yep, Hank, Thanksgiving at Lily's this year! If she feels like it.

If not, we can have it here. I have a dishwasher and I sure as hell know how to stuff a turkey.

You have an amazing family. The notes, the expressions of love, the closeness. In my family we barely talk to each other, much less leave little notes! Seriously -- we just don't communicate the way you all do, and sometimes I think that's so sad. You've cultivated a safe environment for risk-free openness, which is enviable.

Isn't it wonderful that a good man and precious grand babies can love us so completely? And Mary, your kids and grandkids will ALL have the same memories of their Mom and Mer....memories of unconditional love. You done good!

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