Among White House pets, the rambunctious Sunny is actually on the better-behaved side. Allow us to now review the feral menagerie that is America’s population of former presidential beasts.

Pet: Rutherford B. Hayes’s Siamese cat, Siam.

Misbehavior: What’s more imprudent than metamorphosis into a zombie? Metamorphosis into a zombie who forgets to write thank-you notes, maybe, but not much else. According to RBHayes.org: “It was left to the president’s steward Billy Crump, to write the First Lady about Siam’s passing. Crump then delivered the lifeless body to the Secretary of Agriculture, giving personal instructions to preserve her. Despite searches of the Department of Agriculture's museum and the Smithsonian Institution, Siam has never been located.”

Misconduct rank: 4.
Pet: Woodrow Wilson’s pet sheep, Old Ike.

Misbehavior: Old Ike was an unrepentant smoker. According to our favorite 1992 article in The Toledo Blade, the “tobacco-loving” sheep “eagerly gobbled cigar stubs.” What a terrible example Old Ike set for kids, by which we mean adolescent goats.

Misconduct rank:5.
Pet: Calvin Coolidge’s cat Tiger.

Misbehavior: Unauthorized departure from White House property. The pets subsection of Calvin-Coolidge.org, horrifyingly written in the first-person, explains: “I loved to explore, and the first time that I escaped, I went all the way to the Lincoln memorial! The Coolidges made me a beautiful collar with my name and ‘The White House’ engraved on it. I disappeared from the White House shortly after, and some people think that my collar was a tempting souvenir for people.”

Misconduct rank: 3.
Pet:Calvin Coolidge’s unnamed mockingbird.

Misbehavior: Unlawful exoticism. Again, with the first-person: “Mrs. Coolidge almost got in a lot of trouble for having me. You see, it’s illegal to have mockingbirds as pets in the District of Columbia. If she had been caught with me, it would have been a $5.00 fine and a month in jail. Mrs. Coolidge didn’t think it would look well for the former First Lady to be in prison, so she found me a new home.” Adjusted for inflation, $5 is about $68. Adjusted for inflation, 1923’s “a month in jail” is 2013’s “obnoxious Politico story.”

Misconduct rank: 2.
Pet:Calvin Coolidge’s raccoon, Rebecca.

Misbehavior:Unattractive clinginess. “The Coolidges thought that I was lonely and got me a raccoon friend named Reuben, but he was an escape artist and ran away.” Chill, Rebecca. You two had an “arrangement,” surely you knew that?

Misconduct rank: 6.
Pet:John Tyler’s canary Johnny Ty.

Misbehavior: Self-inflicted spinsterhood. Tyler “spared no expense to find a worthy consort for the canary,” the Blade reported. “When a suitable mate was located in New York, the president had the bird shipped by steam board to Richmond, Virginia, then transported by carriage to his getaway home in Virginia. Sadly, when Tyler put the blushing bird bride into the groom’s cage, Johnny Ty jumped off his perch and hid his head under his wings. He died a week later.” Calvin Coolidge’s desperate raccoon Rebecca would have killed for that kind of shot at happiness.

Misconduct rank: 5.
Pet:Ronald Reagan’s sheepdog Lucky.

Misbehavior: Orchestrated, alongside the president and his wife, a massive Iran-Contra cover-up. Per presidential pet historian Niall Kelly: “I noticed the dog was always dragging Nancy [Reagan] away from the reporters and photographers and Ron always following after her, shouting, ‘What? I can’t hear you.’ Later I wondered, ‘Was that why it took so long for us to find out about Iran-Contra and the other things going on in the administration—because Reagan always was off chasing Nancy and Lucky instead of talking to reporters’” That is . . . exactly right.

Misconduct rank: 10.
Pet: Theodore Roosevelt’s cat, Slippers.

Misbehavior: Inconsiderate dinner-party behavior. According to PurringPost.com, the New York Times of single-subject Wordpress sites, “Slippers had a habit of falling asleep while sprawled out in hallways. At one state banquet, guests even had to walk around her as they made their way to the dining room.” In the cat’s defense, it was named “Slippers.” Is being overly literal a crime?

Misconduct rank: 1.
Pet: Bill Clinton’s cat Socks.

Misbehavior:Murder? Let’s examine the evidence. Socks famously hated Clinton’s dog Buddy. “I did better with the Palestinians and the Israelis than I've done with Socks and Buddy,” Clinton once said. Smash cut to 2002, Buddy gets hit by a car in Chappaqua, New York. Socks, who at the time was residing with Clinton’s former secretary Betty Currie in Maryland, was later photographed giving a suitcase of unmarked $1,000 bills to the driver of the car that hit him.

Misbehavior: Biting a reporter. Barney “bit my right index finger this morning as I reached down to pet him,” Reuters correspondent Jon Decker told The Washington Post in 2008. According to the paper, “The bite broke skin and the wound was bleeding enough to prompt White House physician Dr. Richard Tubb to treat Decker with antibiotics.” There is no cure for what plagued Barney, though: a lust for blood.