motivational coach sheli G

Posts tagged ‘facebook’

It’s my birthday, so I am (trying) to do what I think I should, and what everyone on Facebook says I should: Be spoiled, pampered, relax, enjoy my day.

But to me, as with any true Entrepreneur, this is….weird, awkward…. (and super hard!)

I wake up at 5 or 6AM if I sleep in, and begin to pray and meditate about my day. Then my brain takes over: What logistics do I need to handle? Phone calls, meetings, articles to write, stuff to follow up on, blog! Then on to what really matters: Who do I need to connect with today? Who needs help, support, encouragement, education, tips, inspiration, a warning, a scripture, honesty, strategy, a referral, consultation, counsel, challenge, or love?

And of course there are my three kids, Tyger 14, Teisha 7 and Trae 5. They keep me very busy, laughing, growing and challenged. Then there is my husband… aka my other kid 🙂

Did I mention my three dogs? Yep (ask my kid of a husband about how we got 3) Honey, Hurley and Belle.

And the house. Oh, the many (many) many to do’s that are always lurking within.

Family, Charity, Business, Ministry…. time for me? That is just silly talk- usually. Many Entrepreneurs do much of their work from a home office these days. So the boundaries are hard to draw. Everywhere we look, the desk, computer, the house… the freakin yard (yikes) it all begs to be tended to. Like most small business owners, I have to seriously prioritize, attack, and then release at the end of the day what I have not yet achieved.

But alas, when I facilitate Strategic Business or Breakthrough Life Coaching with a client, I always tell them to make sure they are blocking out time for them! To rejuvenate, relax, think, pray, laugh, eat, heal. Hmmmmmm.

So today is my birthday. (I know, I repeated that…I am really just reminding myself) I normally totally ignore my birthday, and just do work and life as per usual.

SOooooo I am blogging, eating potato chips with coffee, going to go back to bed for a couple of hours and watch an action movie I have wanted to watch but have not had (made) time for. I am going to listen to ridiculously good music. I am going to pet my adorable dogs. I am going to not worry so much about my long list of to do’s, should do’s, and my longer list of people I so want to help support in some way. When I come back (tomorrow) I will be REIGNITED! Y E S!

“Cut negative people out of your life. You don’t need them. You cannot go where you deserve to with them in your life”

It’s a classic “Empowerment Challenge”. But it has never fully resonated with me. What about you?

Here are a few thoughts on why cutting everyone in a “negative space” out of your life may not always be best.

THE negative one may be a family member.

You may work with them, or they may be your boss!

They are going through a temporary rough patch.

When YOU are the Negative Nellie or Nelson.

How can we “Be the change we wish to see in the World”… if we only connect with the easy, fun, already happy ones?

It may be our own perception or projection, that is judging or viewing them as a negative influence.

When they are a family member.

By all means you can draw healthy boundaries. (book by Dr Cloud & Dr. Townsend)

I am not saying roll over, or take abuse of any kind from anyone. I AM saying think about it. If you pray or meditate, do that. I did have to draw a boundary with a family member. She had been through a super hard time. But it came to a place of toxicity in her words mostly, that I had to draw a boundary and not have her around or communicate with her at all. The good news is, I made it clear that this was her choice, that if she went back to honoring our family with respect and kindness, that our relationship would be restored, and it was. Every case is different! If you are abused etc, you need professional help to navigate those choices. ( Google it ) But this is more for every day dealings, when family members are on a lesser scale of challenging or destructive. ~Calm down, get advice from a healthy person, and think about it before you take action. (* A Life Coach or Counselor is skilled in this area)

When you work with him or her.

You have a lot at stake in this case. If you treat them in ways the company or managers don’t approve of, you may lose your job. People around you get very uncomfortable with conflict. One scenario I know was so bad, that even though BOTH sales people were top producers in the WEST, the company felt they had to choose 1 and move on, to re-build more positive energy in the workplace. Also if it’s your boss, watch out. Their ego alone, and/or their position of having more of a voice in everything than you, makes it nearly impossible to be their breakthrough buddy on “their issues”. Again, this is assuming you are right, and sometimes you may not be. SO- is it worth risking your job? If you are open to this: think about it before spouting off. (and never spout in an email, it’s cowardly) I used to liken myself when I am really passionate to Joan of Arc, until a wise mentor reminded me that Joan was burned at the stake, at a young age. Sometimes it’s not our battle to fight. And guess what?! ~Often times there are similar people at the next job too.

Sometimes the tough space they are in is temporary.

Very often this is true. Are you going to bail the minute they are struggling? Overall- has the connection been healthy? Is this time temporary? Is there a greater window of grace they deserve from you? For most of us, tough times cycle through. ~They don’t last forever.

Remember, YOU may at some point be the “Negative Nellie” or “Nelson”.

I’ve been there. I think we all have. I am thankful for friends, family and mentors that saw me through. It’s also good to remember when we are going through Hell, keep on going until you are through. ~Don’t be abusive (verbally, physically, emotionally….) to anyone, in any way while you are in the funk.

Where does “Be the Difference..” come into play?

If you think of yourself as a spiritual or good person, then dig deep into the work of relationships. Some are easy, and some are super hard! That is the deal. If you are a leader, teacher, coach, counselor or general do-gooder…then go the extra mile. Breakthrough your own triggers, associations and shortfalls in the process. Expand. Again, I’m not advocating staying in abuse. ~I am saying that if we want to be the light in the dark, we must confront the dark and bring the light to dispel the dark. If not you, then who? If not today, then when?

Projection, Perception and the Shadow of self.

OK I know, that is a lot of psychological words right there…but Google it 🙂 What we are struggling with in ourselves, is often what drives us crazy about others. For example: Right now, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being not very much, to 10 being totally- 100%… RATE how much do YOU trust OTHERS… ( close your eyes & just do it! ) 🙂

Usually, how high you rate others, is actually how you rate YOURSELF as trustworthy. This is just 1 example. Also, the Shadow side of our psychology might suggest that what repels us from others, is something we lack, or that we need to work on in ourselves. The “Workaholic” looks down on the guy that gets enough work done in 4 days, and then goes to the beach to surf non-stop for 3 days. One possible reason is envy, which is actually just his internal signal that the Workaholic deserves joy, play and a more balanced life too, but is struggling to get there.

I suggest, as long as you’re safe, that we learn to love, work with, tolerate and mentor each other. We learn more from the challenging relationships and struggles in life than we would by ourselves, “happy” on an island. ~Let us do the work, and learn how to reach and teach everyone who is willing.

There are many, in my humble opinion, overused words today designed like keywords, or saturated sales pitches in their very intention.

Context is King (or Queen) so I don’t want to dis anyone’s book, song, or quote. BUT, for my business, I don’t coach or consult clients or groups I speak to, to try to attain or maintain a “FEARLESS life”.

I think being “fearless” all or most of the time is difficult, and perhaps impossible to attain as a long term sustainable model.

Being “fearless” sounds good, so it sells. But can you really buy it?

Fear has a purpose at times, and therefore is valuable.

To many people, living a “fearless life” sounds hip. But who can say they get to a place where they never have a fear again? If my 7 year old runs into the busy street, (which he has done a few times!) it totally sends shock waves of fear throughout my body. I think every parent would agree. So- is being fearless even something I want to try to attain? Plus, the research shows: putting goals in front of people that are impossible to achieve is the most UN-motivating thing you can do. Maybe it’s not a good personal development tool, after all.

It is true, too many people live in too much fear, too much of the time. But again, I ask if it is a campaign with any integrity; to sell something because you know it sounds fabulous to the masses- but it is perhaps impossible to truly deliver. It’s like the over processed, mega touched up photo images of models, wearing the dress that won’t look like that on me. It’s a sales pitch to the core of our emotional being. SO- what about letting our brains weigh in here, and see if it’s really possible. OR- is this another mountain top high campaign, a well written book, or charismatically delivered motivational talk? FYI- with most typical book or seminar information, only about 3% of the crowd will implement about 1% of the content delivered. (*this is why I prefer experiential education to passive education)

Healthy fear serves it’s purpose. I was dating a handsome guy in college, who was invited by a mutual friend to go on a motorcycle ride. The problem: Our friend was a crazy driver, with a crash record to prove it. They were both in shorts and tank tops on that very hot summer day. My boyfriend didn’t go, as my fears motivated a great sales pitch from me not to! The driver who had offered the ride, and his unlucky passenger, wrecked that day and survived, but with terrible road rash all over their unprotected bodies to pay for their “fun”. Fear can be the little voice inside your head of REASON that something unsafe or bad may happen, so don’t do it. Research shows most people who are about to become the victim of a crime have a “premonition” before the event that proved to come true. I say- listen to that when you hear it. Not all places, people or events are safe. Your intuition knows.

I think it can be valuable to make sure your fears are rational. Fears are like many things: they are only part of the equation. Sometimes a risk is necessary, like in starting a relationship, investment or business. Sometimes the pay-off outweighs all the potential risks and we, in spite of the fear… GO. This can be quite exhilarating! It’s a part of the natural process and it’s all good.

I like to teach people to consider their fears, but only after they consider their dreams. Notice the costs involved. Do your research. Meditate and pray. But when it’s worth it, and all the factors have been considered, DO take healthy risks, in spite of your fears. In fact, when I do public speaking, I view my fear as sheer excitement! My heart rate goes up, I don’t know how it’s all going to play out, (every audience is SO totally different). I move with my fear, using it to propel my passion out into the world. It is a blast to befriend your fear. And then, we can naturally, experientially learn to fear less in life. This IS very achievable. I like that.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” (when it is yours to do…)~Eleanor Roosevelt

They have some things in common. They are both Nouns. They are both intense. They can both be imagined into existence, that is to say, we can believe we LOVE something or someone, even if we have never experienced that something or someone. Likewise, we can FEAR situations that we have never experienced first hand, and may never.It is said (by super smart scientific people- no doubt) that somewhere between 80-95% of all fears we imagine NEVER HAPPEN. Wow. I think that might be true, based on my experience with teams and Life Coaching people.
”Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.”~Benjamin Franklin

How much time do you spend stressing or worrying? Relationally. Financially. About your Career or Job. Politics. Health. NOW, contrast that to how much time you spend on what you CAN control, or at least those things you can do something about?? We can always put love deposits into our relationships that make that love account grow. We can always work on doing better on where and how we spend, save and give charitably our finances. We can always be evolving to a more educated, more productive place in our jobs or careers or areas of service. I’ll say this on politics… you can at least VOTE. 🙂 And you can be positive, not just bash others beliefs in that arena, which isn’t valuable. We can always be healthier…with exercise, whole natural foods, and getting away from processed junk food etc. (say NO to the Golden Arches!)So if you’re willing; take inventory on LOVE DAY (that’s today if you missed it 🙂. What are you investing your time, energy health and money into? Is it paying you big positive dividends? If not, start making deposits proactively and positively in especially your relationship accounts first. Relationships only go into recession when we are not cultivating them in all the ways we can….as the good book tells us to.

Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.~ Proverbs 3:3

Fluid- Continuous, amorphous, whose molecules move freely past one another and that has the tendency to assume the shape of its container.

Is your companies branding relevant? Is it working? Or is it static…..

“The consumer now appears to believe that the brand should earn its public attention the way all of us must. Say boring, repetitive stuff and you suffer the punishment that every bad conversationalist faces. First, we ignore you. Then, we exclude you.”~Grant McCracken / Harvard Business Review

Ouch. I don’t like to be excluded, do you?

We live in a postmodern society that is eclectic, — a culture where the collective media is literally at our fingertips 24 hours a day. It is a burst of 3D color and seemingly limitless (and sometimes frightening) capability. Your brand today has to go farther than the standard printed visual model we have come from. To be relevant now it must trend across multi-generations, and all the top technological platforms. People today won’t remember just a “professional” logo or branding, they want to interact with it and emotionally connect to it. This is a huge call to action for us as we either initially create, evolve and update, and ultimately market our brands.

With social media becoming (or being) the most powerful marketing force in our society, it is said that the customer is now driving the brand identities more than the company itself. To keep this in balance, your company needs to always be aligned with the CORE PRINCIPLES that formed the brand at it’s inception. If you do that, then your brand can evolve, and become fluid– that is to say adapting it’s shape depending on the trending and need.

Consider Google for example, which changes it’s logo background and colors, as they did on MLK Jr’s day…

They keep some of their initial logo foundational structures while playing with images and color. It’s exciting and ever-changing.

Google’s “New Multi-screen World” study reveals that 90% of all media consumption happens on a screen — 40+% of which in the US is on smartphones alone. (that percentage grows by the minute) WOW.

90% of people use multiple screens to interact with brands (shopping online, managing finances, planning a trip and more). 61% of Internet users are online while watching TV, and do it on a variety of devices — laptops, tablets and smartphones. The current dominance of digital and social media combined with the Internet capable mobile devices, has changed the way we experience brands so they now are seen, tasted, touched and felt.

Advertisers now use their TV commercials as mega platforms for intense online trending, knowing that their market will have the ability to go to the web sites straightaway, as they sit on their couch, and share info with their social sphere. We saw this with the “God Made a Farmer” commercial, ( “God Made a Farmer” ad by Ram is a two-minute salute to the men and women who feed the world.) which turbo-blasted the face social media, and took that commercial to a debatable more buzz-worthy place than the game itself. See the link below if you now feel like watching it again 🙂

5. Don’t start with a quote from someone else. It may sound powerful, but leaves the audience thinking about someone else. (who may be more famous than you- just saying)

4. Don’t mention Politics. Yes, we have officially entered into an era where the most controversial subject of the moment is not religion, but Politics. Don’t go there. (Unless you are speaking at a rally) You will lose half your audience if you do. (and maybe some friends if you take a side)

3. Don’t start late. Even if half your audience is late, start on time. (at least in the U.S.) They can be tardy. They are not leading the room, YOU are! So be professional, start on time. It’s a good lesson for those late peeps that life goes on, and they may miss out at times with their tardiness. Be in control of your room. This makes everyone feel confident in you as a leader.

2. Don’t swear. Regardless of your personal feelings on this, you have an audience typically of different people from all walks of life. They have different backgrounds, beliefs and comfort levels. It’s a slippery slope as speaker, and may cause you to lose part of or all of your audience if you go there. (unless you’re a comedian in a bar)

1. Don’t forget “The Sandwich”. Strong Beginning. Strong Middle. Strong End. Whether you’re speaking for five minutes or five days- this is paramount to your success. The Beginning- First impressions are made within the first seven seconds consciously or subconsciously. (wow) The Middle- Keep their attention, or they will be on Facebook/Twitter saying how bored they are. (yikes for your reputation) The End. IF you want to be remembered, if you want amazing referrals, and/or if you want to make a positive impact in their lives….nail the ending friends! Call them to some kind of action based on your powerful presentation. Leave them wanting more. Leave them wanting to buy your book. Get them making a bee-line to see you at your booth, and logging onto your website to find out where you will be speaking next.