Here are a few excerpts from my book on these topics of doubt and confidence.

Talented and insecure – gifted adults, self esteem and self doubt

Over the years of reading biographies and interviews with many highly talented and creative people, it has often struck me how many of them talk about being self-critical and having poor self-esteem.

For example, writer Larry Kane commented about his bio on the musician, “People would be surprised at how insecure John Lennon was, and his lack of self esteem. Throughout his life, even during the height of Beatle mania, he had poor self esteem, even though he exuded confidence.”

Lennon reportedly said about his conflicted feelings:

“I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak…all my life and I have to live with that, you know…Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.”

Self esteem is basically positive self-regard, a realistic acknowledgment of our talents and value as a person.

It is not the absurd and trivializing efforts over recent years to make all children in school feel they are “special” and have high [often meaning bloated] self-esteem, as in: “We don’t want anyone to feel left out, so everyone wins a spelling bee award” or “The valedictorian will be chosen by lottery.”

Psychologist Anne Paris, PhD explains in her article A New Approach to Igniting and Sustaining Creativity, “Contrary to how we’ve been taught to value independence and autonomy, this new scientific evidence is showing that we are at our best when we are connected with others.”

She details some of the potential reasons that may work for people:

“When we are feeling frightened or are lacking self-confidence and vitality, we need to look at the state of our relationships, rather than to blame ourselves for being weak and inadequate, or to think that we must somehow find strength and courage from deep within ourselves.

“We cannot create in a vacuum of isolation: we are helped along in the creative process by certain kinds of emotional support from others that help us to be at our best and to realize our full potentials.”

In her article The Need for Others, Dr. Paris quotes Loren Long, an accomplished artist who has illustrated many books, including “Mr. Peabody’s Apples by Madonna,” “I Dream of Trains” by Angela Johnson and others.

“My wife is not an artist, but she has great taste,” Long said. “I run everything by her, sometimes daily as I’m working on a project. She is my first level of screening. If she likes it, then I feel the confidence to proceed.

“My publishers’ opinions are also very important to me. Not just because they determine if my work is adequate. I admire and respect them a lot. I want them to like what I’ve done.

“I guess that, in general, I always need someone to like my work. If they don’t, my self-doubts come to the surface. You know, like I’m not living up to the grand fantasies I have about myself or about what my work should look like.”

One pattern and group, related to perfectionism for some people, is Self-Doubters / Self-Attackers – who “block their success by holding high standards they feel they can never possibly meet and for which they therefore seldom strive.”

Most of the above text [without photos] is from my book “Developing Multiple Talents” – read About the book.

Here is some related material – including more

ideas and programs on how to build confidence

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Keira Knightley has won multiple awards for her acting but has commented about having low confidence and impostor feelings:

“It’s taken me time to overcome my own doubts and insecurities. It’s been my nature not to want to believe in my own success and that I don’t deserve my success. But that’s something I’ve fought to overcome”

(OK Magazine via contactmusic.net 05 October 2010.)

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Emily Mortimer recalls being at a party in Los Angeles when she was still new there, and developing her career:

“Someone asked me, ‘You’re an actress?’ and I said, ‘Yes, but not a very good one,’ because I felt embarrassed.

“I hadn’t done anything, really. But he looked so totally horrified, it was as though I’d said, ‘I eat babies’ or something.”

Now an established actress, especially on account of her role in the hit TV show The Newsroom, she still doubts her abilities: “I’m probably far too self-conscious to be an actress.”

She says she spends most of her working days “just saying the f—ing lines over and over, and walking out of the trailer just hoping it’s going to stay in your head until you get to the set, and you almost [think that] if you move your head a little bit it might fall out of one ear.

“So you just walk very straight and hope that no one talks to you until you get there and you say it.”

Photo: Mortimer (at left) in The Newsroom, with Alison Pill – who also has commented about this kind of insecurity, which can apply to many kinds of public presentation, like making speeches:

“The only way to deal with nerves is by focusing on whatever you have to do and forgetting about the number of people watching and everything that depends on you. Sometimes, I get so incredibly nervous before a take that I forget lines or I mess them up.”

Pill added, “When that happens, I know that I am not a part of the scene since the character isn’t nervous. It’s a matter of aligning your own feelings with what the scene is about… if the character isn’t uncomfortable then I can’t be.”

Even people with exceptional talents can feel insecure and struggle with low or unhealthy self-esteem.

Meryl Streep, for example, has said,

“I have varying degrees of confidence and self-loathing …

“You can have a perfectly horrible day where you doubt your talent… Or that you’re boring and they’re going to find out that you don’t know what you’re doing.”

This is not an isolated feeling or an issue for only a few talented people.

Over the many years of researching creative people and reading many interviews with high ability people, I have seen quotes like Streep’s showing up often.

Here is another example – from one of my favorite actors:

Amy Adams says, “Being an actress hasn’t made me insecure. I was insecure long before I declared I was an actress.”

She talks about having an “existential crisis” at the Oscars, sitting next to Sean Penn and Meryl Streep and thinking, “What am I doing here? I don’t belong here. I felt like it could all be taken away.”

Acting was not deep calling for her as a child, as it is for many actors.

She says, “I graduated high school and I didn’t have a skill set and I didn’t want to go to college.

“I needed a job. This is what I could do. And I like it, but it can be very painful. You feel so vulnerable all the time on set, so exposed.

“But I had that same feeling of being exposed when I was a waitress, I have it at parties…I’d love to be a diva. But I’d then have to send so many apology notes for my abhorrent behaviour.”

She added, “I like not being noticed. It has been a struggle because I love performing, but if I’m in a group of people and someone has a bigger personality I’m like ‘Go ahead, and have fun!’ It looks like a lotta work.”

Nighy has also commented that maybe at least some of this negative feeling about himself could be wrong:

“You come to realise there is this huge disparity between what you think about yourself and your work and what other people think about you and your work, at first you either think they’re insane or that it’s a conspiracy to make you look stupid.

“Or maybe, just maybe, they’re right, and you’re sometimes quite good at what you do.”

Self Improvement / How To Build Confidence

“Well, it comes from the Latin word confidere which translates roughly as “with full trust” – confidence means intense trust in yourself.

“Science calls it self efficacy; that’s basically science speak for self-confidence – it’s your belief that you can achieve what you want to achieve. It’s one of the most important aspects of human behavior that psychologists study.”

One of the classes Brian Johnson provides in his Optimal Living 101 series:

“We’ll explore my Top 10 Big Ideas on how to create an indestructible trust in ourselves.

“We’ll chat about everything from embracing the Stockdale Paradox (James Stockdale’s application of Stoic philosophy is *stunning*) to how to create mastery in your personal and professional lives, how to dial in your physiology, how to talk to yourself *after* a performance (especially one you may not be thrilled about), why you need a target to aim at and other such goodness.”

Profile from entheos.com:

Brian Johnson “is the Philosopher + CEO of en*theos — a company that’s all about inspiring and empowering people to optimize their lives so we can change the world together…

“In his past lives, he raised $8 million to finance the creation of eteamz + Zaadz after graduating Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA (where he studied Psychology + Business).”

Dr. Young notes on her site that this is not an issue for only one gender:

“Men are attending my seminars in increasing numbers, and among graduate students the male-female ratio is roughly fifty-fifty.

“I’ve heard from or worked with countless men who suffer terribly from their fraud fears, including a member of the Canadian mounted police, an attorney who’d argued before the Supreme Court, a corporate CEO, and an entire team of aerospace engineers, one of whom spoke of the “sheer terror” he feels when handed a major assignment.”

Referring to her book, she says “Despite the title you will find male voices reflected in the book. Once you read the book it will be clear why, in the end, there were more reasons than not to focus more so on women.”

“You’ll advance through the program to seven different methods for balancing your body, mind and spirit — and learn how to create the right atmosphere for your imagination and intuition to speak.”

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Belief change educator and author Morty Lefkoe noted,

“The way to improve our internal level of confidence that we apply to life in general is to eliminate our limiting beliefs.

“Every negative belief we have lowers our internal level of self-confidence – beliefs such as I’m not good enough, I’m inadequate, I’m powerless, I’m not capable, Nothing I do is good enough, and I’m not worthy.”

You can try The Lefkoe Method for free to eliminate a limiting belief at his site ReCreate Your Life.

See list of articles by Morty Lefkoe – A profile by the Institute of Noetic Sciences notes that he “made a series of discoveries that allowed him to help people make permanent changes in their emotions and behavior.”

About Douglas Eby

Douglas Eby (M.A./Psychology) is author of the Talent Development Resources series of sites including High Ability; Highly Sensitive and Creative; The Creative Mind and others - which provide "Information and inspiration to enhance creativity and personal development." Also see Résumé.

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The Creative Mind is part of a series of sites by Douglas Eby - providing information and inspiration for exploring your creativity and personal development.