Peter finds a genie in his beer who offers him three wishes. His first wish is to see what Kelly Ripa is like off-camera; she is actually a horrible alien. His second wish is for his own theme music, which plays everywhere he goes and whatever he does. On a city bus, a brawny man (Bill Goldberg) grows irritated with Peter's bus-riding theme music and threatens to break every bone in his body. Peter quickly wishes that he was boneless and collapses into a fleshy heap of jelly, scaring everyone on the bus. He effectively becomes more of a burden on his family in his boneless state and feels guilty about it, so he lets himself get sucked down the bathtub drain and ends up in Hollywood. Peter finds work as a stuntman's human airbag and gets the chance to meet famous actors. But he misses his family, and when a doctor offers him an experimental surgery to implant bones into his body, he takes the chance. The operation is successful, but he is horribly misshapen; he learns that most of the parts came from each of his family members (Stewie explains that they picked up a drifter to fill in Peter's torso). They all amble away together, and as they are leaving the hospital, Peter says that he is surprised that it was covered by his HMO.

After being exposed to toxic waste from a tanker truck, the Griffins develop superhuman powers. Stewie gains telekinetic abilities; Chris is able to start fires by thought; Peter can shapeshift; Lois becomes super-strong; Brian can move at incredible speeds; and Meg can make her fingernails grow longer or shorter on command. The Griffins vow to use their powers for good, but they soon use them for personal gain, such as Stewie using his powers to steal candy bars, Lois to get her car through traffic jams, Peter to help Meg get a piece of Justin Timberlake's hair, Brian to take all the martinis he wants, and Chris to get revenge on a boy who once called him a name. Eventually, they go too far and take over Quahog, threatening to kill anyone who disobeys them. Mayor West douses himself in toxic waste, hoping for powers with which to fight the Griffins, but develops lymphoma instead. With Mayor West in the hospital the Griffins see the error of their ways and dedicate themselves to good and use their powers to help West recover.

Five-year-old Peter, Brian, Quagmire, Joe (who is pulled around in a wagon), Cleveland, and Mayor West belong to the "We Hate Broads Club". When young Lois Pewterschmidt joins their school, however, Peter and Quagmire are love-stricken. Attempting to impress Lois, both boys promise to spend the night in a spooky abandoned house to prove their courage. When they see an apparently real ghost, however, they all flee in terror. Lois ends up choosing Mort Goldman as her new boyfriend, seeing as how Mort staged the whole thing to make it appear the house was haunted, and Peter and Quagmire swear off girls forever in disgust. Thirty-five years later and thanks to avoiding the distraction of women, Peter and Quagmire have become incredibly wealthy, and substitute relations with women by having sex with bagels. This segment is a parody of The Little Rascals.