peer psp 3rd draft

Midori- prompt #2​The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

Five years ago. I stood on the poolside, waiting for my turn. So did many other young swimmers. It was a competition. A nervous and quiet atmosphere filled the air. It has been 8 years since I started swimming; I was in 6th grade, the senior in elementary. I learned how to swim butterflies, how to stroke fast, how to breathe under water. I was nervous, but confident at the same time. My turn came. Audiences were standing and sitting and cheering for their children, I saw the pool, I saw all the other coaches standing beside their swimmers. My coach stood right behind me, and advised me just before I swam, that “Everyone’s nervous, take your breath, don’t think too much”. I tried to remembered those words, but it all blew away as soon as the race started. When the whistle was blown, eight swimmers jumped in the pool. My head went blank. It went really fast. I was heated up, trying to breathe quickly. It felt like it finished in few seconds. As a result, I was placed 6th out of 8. I rushed too much, my swim was way out of pace, and tired as a stone. It was done. I was behind of 5 other swimmers. That was how I rushed through the tournament. Reflecting back over and over again, I’ve noticed many negatives and positives in that swim. One of them were my time, that when I swam with swimmers far faster than me, my time was pulled shorter, faster than ever. I repeatedly thought about the tournament, the rush, the time. Then, the memory stayed deep and clear in me.My swimming career started when my father took me to a swimming club. It was my very first experience in sport. Although I started reluctantly, it went on for 13 years in total, and is still going on now. Swimming is a habit for me now, that keeps me constantly unstressed, healthy, and happy. I am seventeen years old currently, a high school student in an international school. Surrounded by multicultural friends, varieties of languages, all different kinds of teachers, I have been through many colorful experiences. So, I guess I am a bit smarter now: I know more words and formulas, finish my homeworks on time, respond to teachers well, enjoy my life. However, I also know I’m not smart at all. I believed I was faster than anyone, if in water, 5 years ago. I know now, that there are many more smarter people than me in this world, that I can learn from. Get a faster time by pursuing them. My future is still vague, but one thing that I strongly wish for is to travel around the world, to see even more of the “unknowns”. Therefore, I hope that when achieving my dream, I would experience many failures as that tournament. And after building up all the things I would learn from them, I would become a focused, flexible-minded and collaborating grown-up, traveler.

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503 words

Reflective Paragraph

The three changes I made in this draft were taking out my introduction, changing orders of ideas, and fixing english. I basically switched around my paragraphs, added some new ideas, took out unnecessary introductions and explanations to focus on my central idea. Finally I polished it by asking a friend to check my grammars.​