The Normality Of ‘In-Between’

You are expected to be either completely for the cause, or completely against it.

Sometimes, this makes sense. For example:

Domestic Violence – completely against

Equal Marriage Rights – completely for

Secular education – absolutely and completely secular

Lycra in my cosplay – no way, uh-uh, not for me

But there are some things that are not life/death, or even moralistic in their conundrum-drumming.

Today’s example of “Taking your advocacy for a First World Issue too far” is gender-specific clothing.

I’m talking pink for girls, and blue for boys.

Now, before you get all defensive and start muttering for Thor’s sake, woman – can’t we just let kids wear what they want, that’s my frackin’ point!!

We don’t do gender specific clothing in EG Inc. The spawnlings can wear whatever they want (outside of school uniform requirements). I seriously cannot be stuffed arguing this point with them. Pick your battles, minions.

But it amazes me how often complete strangers will point out how confused poor Zaltu will be because I have dressed her in blue today. Or if she is wearing torn jeans and a Batman t-shirt, then I at least saved the day by adding a pretty yellow bow.

Apparently, unless she is wearing a skirt she must automatically be in the extreme Tom-Boy camp. But if she happens to wear a t-shirt with a pink flower on it, then clearly she is in the extreme Pretty Girl camp.

I have this one particular shopping centre Zaltu and I frequent about once a month – we buy the requirements, and then stop to watch the ice-skating with a milkshake and a doughnut.

And every time, every time, I am admonished by some absolute stranger on my parenting. More often, it is about Zaltu’s outfit. Apparently, this week I was lucky I had remembered to put the pretty bow/clip in her hair to stop from confusing her gender identity. Poor Zaltu was only wearing her favourite jeans and blue dolphin shirt.

Over the last year, my responses have been progressing from “Thankyou for noticing her favourite hair clip WITH her favourite-colour shirt” to “At what point between your table and ours, did you think it was okay to come over and pass judgement on a two-year-old?”

EG Dad says I’m doing it all wrong.

He thinks I should be submitting all comments to scientific evaluation:

“Now, for this survey, on a scale of 1 to 10 – how much do you think I should care about your opinion on my daughter’s outfit?

Okay, now on a scale of 1 to 10 – how much do you think you can @#$% off?

And remember, this is for posterity, so please – be honest.”

Whatever happened to simply being a kid who likes clothes?

Why do we have to join any extreme group on this issue, or any issue that doesn’t involve basic human rights and equality? I don’t think Zaltu (or her brothers, for that matter) care about whether she is wearing a pink shirt for all pretty girls out there.

She is simply wearing a shirt because I told her she has to wear a shirt to play in the park next door. It’s a little cold outside.

I am all for encouraging children to wear whatever they want. However, this should not then make them the pin-up poster for the cause. It should not be their social uniform every day, to the point they are interrogated if they wear something else the next day.

It has become so prevalent, where even though I picked up a wicked pair of boots today, I cannot talk about it to anyone without the awkward feeling of explaining myself.

I’m not a Tomboy. I’m not a Pretty Girl. Neither is Zaltu. Nor are most other females I know.

We are not walking talking stereotypes for you to label for your marketing or judgemental pleasure. We are not dressing to fit the category you are trying to shove us into. Just because we are female does not mean we have to be the same as all females all the time. If I bought a pair of shoes today, that does not make me a ‘girl’. If Zaltu plays with Lego Friends today, that does not mean we are abandoning all equal rights in play. If I choose not to take the spawnlings to see the new Ghostbusters, it does not mean I am spitting in the face of ‘girl power’ (thank you Lisa, for a damn good article about this).

We are somewhere ‘In-Between’ and we shouldn’t have to justify, defend, or explain that to anybody.

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6 thoughts on “The Normality Of ‘In-Between’”

Once again you have written exactly what I have been thinking for years! Especially the bit about no lycra in my cosplay 🙂 My daughter has some skirts, and pretty hair bows, and she thinks they go really well with her brother’s hand-me-down Star Wars and Ninja Turtle T-Shirts, which she also sometimes wears with jeans or shorts – because they’re better for cartwheeling without flashing your underwear. Such a modest young lady. When she was younger (2-4 years old) the outfit combinations she came up with were incredible! One of her favourites was to wear a dark green school leotard someone had given us, with bright purple leggings. Just that. And prance around like she was a gymnast. I can’t believe those judgy people actually make the effort to come over and offer their unwanted opinions. I would offer a critique of their own wardrobe choice right back at them. I’m pretty sure the people who frequent your shopping centre are not necessarily wearing their own pretty skirts and pearls at the time.

Of course I completely agree with your comments. I can not understand how anyone these days are unable to understand a colour is just a colour. And this isn’t just for girls who love to dress in blue but those boys who like pinks and purples. My eldest had a red and white Thomas and friends shirt which I washed with the red washing…Opps! Yes, yes the white section of the shirt turned pink. Guess what, this shirt became not only my eldest favourite shirt at the time, but once my youngest could fit into it, it was also his favourite. So many people would comment about me having my boys wearing pink. How ridiculous! I would say “That’s his favourite shirt and what’s wrong with the colour pink? I don’t see an issue, he doesn’t see an issue, his friends don’t see an issue, so why have you got an issue. Kids views are tarnished by adults input who are not open for every person being able to be their own individual. You know the most popular and successful adults are those who chose to be individuals.
More power to Tom-Girls who love all things in the world without any gender bias.

I don’t know if this link will work, but I was looking on the Uniqlo Japan website doing some internet T-shirt shopping and this T-shirt came up. http://www.uniqlo.com/jp/store/goods/178216. It’s a pale pink Darth Vader shirt. At first I skeptically thought “Oh typical. Make the girl’s Star Wars T-Shirt pink.” Then I realised it was in the Men’s Shirts section. I am totally going to buy this for my son now. He likes unique T-shirts and I’m pretty sure you won’t see one this colour on sale in Australia.