So I’m closing in on the finish line to complete The Mayonnaise Murders Part 2, volume 2 of the planned trilogy. Unless, of course, it decides to go longer. We shall see, shan’t we? Publication date is expected to be in May.

Meanwhile, here’s a peek at how it all begins…

“Hey you’re a critter right? Yeah, that’s cool. Real cool.”

“What? Oh, yeah. I’m a critter. You’re real observant. So what’s that you have in your hand, kid?”

The smile stretched wider as his eyes did a quick survey to make sure nobody else was standing near. Then he leaned in close.

“You know they’re sayin on the news that this shit ain’t real man, that it don’t even exist. But once you try it?”

He shook his head back and forth real slow, adding emphasis to what he was about to say.

“Dude.”

If MayoMadd wasn’t real then I needed somebody to tell me right quick why the Gerruh, the most notorious enforcer-types from Planet 10’s Vivacious 5 sector, were steady trackin me and Vee down here in Pueblo, Colorado, which is in the USA, which is on Earth, which is where we really don’t belong. Just answer me that. Not that Vivacious 5 is the kind of place anybody would mistake for a vacation destination, and I understand that. Matter of fact, Vivacious 5 is pretty much what you’d call your basic sewer of a community in a lotta ways, especially when you compare it to those nose-stuck-up-in-the-air suburban resort communities like Very Very. I oughta know ’cause I’m a V5 kid to the bone. But let’s just say Pueblo ain’t exactly a reason to leave home, all right? Especially when home is a hefty number of light years away.

So this is more or less what’s amblin through my brain as me and Vee are screechin around a corner on a kinda stolen motorcycle, while also wonderin if all the police in this town are on break at the same time because by now surely somebody is seeing this movie-style chase goin on in their neighborhood and I’m doin every illegal maneuver I can to get their attention. But then isn’t that just the way it always goes? When you’re speeding on the way to a job interview you get lights flashin like it’s Christmas morning, but when you got a pair of murderous killers closing in on your butt in broad daylight then they just can’t seem to be bothered. And another thing…

“VIIIIIIIIIIDDDD!!!”

Oh. Shit. That looks like a…

“Head down, dammit!”

“Vid, dearest, exactly how do you expect me to do that when we are on a motorcycle. I’m willing to do all I can to help, but it just seems like…”

“Hang on!”

Vee isn’t that big, but that woman has got to be one of the strongest critters I’ve ever met. When I said ‘hang on’ she squeezed so tight she just about broke a rib, no joke. But if we had run into that garbage truck that was pulling out of the alley just up ahead we both would have broken a whole lot more than a few ribs. Why I didn’t see it first since I was the one doing my best at driving this thing I seriously don’t know, and I’m sure it doesn’t inspire a whole lotta confidence in Vee, but right then? At that very minute? I really didn’t have a lot of time to be analyzing my reflexes because the Gerruh were closin in quick and I didn’t even wanna think about what it meant if they caught up. Just the thought of that kinda consequence is what inspired me to figure out how to drive a motorcycle as quick as I did, after I kinda borrowed it without asking. Yeah, I know. Reinforcing the old stereotypes about critters isn’t what I had in mind, especially since I’m a detective, but it was an emergency. They’ll get it back. And it’s not like these Earth purebreds are gonna ever feel real equal towards our kind no matter what we do, even though they’re the ones created us.