Saturday, June 24, 2006

Dog Story, Not a True Story

"You need to get some other opinions about your choice of dog" was what Rachel said to me," cuz that cur you got on the end of that leash is ugly as a serving chipped beef and gravy."

"Don't be ragging on my mutt" I said. I hunched over my desk and typed a few words . The words "goddamned it all to hell" appeared on the spread sheet I was working on. Rachel dropped a file on my desk and looked at what I'd written on the monitor.She snorted a farting laugh through her nostrils. Syquantcro, a tech seated at desk across the room, was on the phone and had to swallow a burst of laughter when he heard Rachel's nasal rattling noise. The she hit in the back of the head.

"Lose the dog or you get no more Sausage Helper".

I glared at her and typed "Great god in the merciful heavens goddamnit it all to hell."

A lightning bolt powered through the window and struck the Syquantrco, who dropped his phone as he sat upright , starting to fume. He was on the office floor, twitching madly, reaching for his cell phone.

Rachel discovered snakes in her top desk drawer, which made her scream. The scream seemed to cause the store room door behind her to open, from which a giant squid tentacle reached out and wrapped it's slimed, barnacled length around her waist and then pulled her back through the door.

Outside the sky had gone dark, there were screams in the street, car horns blared, tires screeched, sirens sounded, planes fell out of the sky, and Godzilla's gilled silhouette walked past our tenth story office windows. Ugly lizard, I thought.

Then my phone rang.

"Jackster here" I said."Dude, this is God. How am I doin' in yer regard?""Whoa. Who is this?""God, bro. Whatcha think of the show? Damning it all to hell, I mean, like you asked.""It's boss, boss. The city is falling apart like a cheap madras shirt.""Excelllllllennnnttttt" said God, his voice drifting off into a murmur of bliss. After a second, he said"Yo, Jackster, open your top drawer."I interrupted my observance of watching Godzillamate with a ninth floor office building window across the street and slid the top drawer open.In there was a paper plate with what looked like a two old serving of chipped beef on toast."What the holy gazebo is that" I said.God paused, and then offered "Bro, it's time to get another dog..."