Maybe you speak up in a group but no one pays attention. Then someone interrupts over you and instantly has the spotlight.

Or it seems everyone is always speaking over each other; their ideas get noticed but when you try…nothing.

Plenty of my readers have mentioned this problem. And in the TED talk titled “How to Speak So People Want to Listen,” Julian Treasure gives great tips to stop being ignored. Julian is an expert on sound and speech so he’s someone to listen to in this area.

I’ve included the talk below and summarized his main points. But I’ve also included insights of my own on ways to be heard and respected in more casual settings.

Maybe their tone of voice screams “I’d rather be anywhere else right now”

Maybe they fall asleep on the front of a ship while you’re discussing the cosmos

What?

Just me?

Right…

But are you really boring people in your conversations or just imagining it? How can you tell? And how can you be more engaging and interesting instead?

Here are 7 unexpected boredom-inducing warning signs to look out for in YOUR conversations. If you’re doing one or more of these, it’s very likely people are leaving chats with you wishing they could have those minutes of their life back.

Through talking to many shy and socially insecure people, there’s a cruel irony I’ve discovered.

Many crave the ability to talk to the “cool” people in places like bars, clubs or on the street. But unfortunately, talking to those people in those places feels impossible.

“Popular people” are generally more “picky” and dismissive in those types of “cold” social settings. And the fact rejection seems more likely to you makes these the hardest places to engage strangers if you aren’t already confident and skilled socially.

I’d research what charming, well-liked people did to be so successful socially. But once I knew what to do, I’d often feel even more anxious and incompetent.

I’d go out to use what I’d learned but then chicken out and say nothing. Either that or I’d act so awkward, people just thought I was weird. In the end, I still didn’t accomplish what I wanted, which was to connect.

I began to wonder if something was just wrong with me. I mean, I knew what to do, but I couldn’t pull it off. It was like all the advice that worked for the successful people didn’t work for me.

Have you experienced something like this too?

What gives?

Well, here’s what I figured out about why this happens and how to get past it.[Read more…]

Maybe you see a cute guy or girl you want to talk to or your boss looks free to chat at the company picnic. So what do you do?

Your head starts spinning up scenarios right?

You think of what you should say first and the way you’ll say it. Then…wait… Maybe you should say it another way that might work better. Yeah, and then if they reply in a certain way, you’ll come back with…

Get Started Here

What People Are Saying

Thanks to your website and videos, I can now talk to anybody one-on-one with little difficulty.

Mike G.

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Tushi

By truth I am telling I have implemented all concepts what ever Dean J says and I got results.

Shankar M.C.

On your 2nd video right now and absolutely brilliant and so helpful! The concept has really given me a realization of where i have been going wrong during conversations.

Kirsty C.

I just want to say thaaaaaaaaaaaanks! This is actually the best thing that has happened to me in a really long time.

Schambach

Dean, thanks for everything!! For waking me up from my slumber:)

Tushi

I really like reading your suggestions. They are by far the most useful I’ve come across. You’ve really hit on a topic that adults struggle with and there is very little information out there for assistance.