(Closed) Showing SO Love and Patience While Waiting

It has occurred to me recently, through several conversations with SO, that deciding to marry me is a huge decision. That might sound elementary, and I had thought that before, but the weight of the decision on our SOs is a bigger deal than I think we sometimes consider as we wait. I’m not always the most patient person, and it can feel painful to know that you want to be someone’s forever and always and you aren’t positive yet if they want to, because they haven’t asked. We need to give them credit, love, and patience while they make this decision and while they work to make this step unforgettable and beautiful for us. They LOVE us, and they want to do right by us. What are some ways that we show love and patience toward our SOs while waiting for them to ask?

I was just doing my nightly reading last night and it was talking about showing your spouse love even if you dont feel like it. I think it was a great reminder. Tell him you love him all the time, compliment him for things that you usually wouldn’t think about. Give him random gifts. Rub his back, hold is hand, play with his hair. Any random act always makes someone feel loved.

I didn’t have to wait a really long time, but I had to keep reminding myself that marriage just meant I got a piece of paper and his last name. Honestly, we are still the same couple we were before we got married. Has marriage brought us closer? In a lot of ways, yes, but it is def a lot of work to communicate and agree on everything now that we are one.

I plan on dropping all engagement related talk for the next few months. I think part of the problem is by bringing it up and trying to ensure that he knows what he’s doing, it makes him feel like I don’t have faith in his abilities to make this happen. I had my final discussion last night and he got a bit snippy with me and reiterated our plans for next year. I realized at that point that every time I bring it up he feels like I’m putting pressure on him and making him feel like I don’t trust him. Other than that I think showing love and patience by just enjoying being with him, letting him make me happy in ways not related to the engagement, and getting our relationship ready for marriage by continuing to support each other will help in the process. Too often women in our situation decide to become less available or less committed and I know while in some situations this might work I think it’s better to show your partner that you are there for them regardless of having a ring or not. Love shouldn’t be so conditional. Within reason 😉

I think just being patient and understanding is a huge thing. Try not to talk so much about the ring/ engagement. I am currently on “ring watch” and the last thing I want to do is apply more pressure to him. My biggest problem is I am control freak and it is killing me that I am not in control of this situation. I am just trying to relax and enjoy this time with him.

SO has been sick most of last week and this weekend..I lovingly made him chicken noodle soup & I cleaned his car off today. It had about 3-4″ of snow on it because he hasn’t left the house in a few days and it snowed. I have also been packing up a bunch of my stuff for our move and I’m trying to be very patient with him…I have to say I almost enjoy him being sick because he seems to get more lovey dovey. Additionally his mother mentioned to SO’s friends wife that a proposal will come when I least expect it…& I’m not expecting it for another year…year & a half..so maybe it will come sooner!?

Anyways I’ve been trying to be more appreciative of our relationship where it’s at now rather than pining for a different state. It’s not easy, as all you waiting bees well know!

@mamadingdong: I hope you have some better waiting days coming up!! 🙂 Be strong.

@megz06: I agree to an extent, but for us, we aren’t planning on living together during dating or engagement, so for us, we would enjoy that day to day togetherness also that we can’t at this time. I also agree that sweetness goes a long way. Sometimes being quiet goes a long way for my introverted SO. As an extrovert I am very chatty. So I let the silence set in, and amazing things happen.

@Janineforever: I agree! 🙂 Sometimes it’s just not easy to know the “how” or to get yourself to settle down. With the new year waiting has been just a little harder because I’m hardcore thinking about my future…and I want desperately to think of “our” future in longer term ideas.

@braverbeating: You sound like an excellent girlfriend! Those little acts of care seem to go very far with our SO’s. It’s so hard when people drop little hints or say things though. Sometimes I’ll get a little hint and force myself to not react, just play it cool, or to just smile and not say much.

@Birdee106: This sounds like some things I’ve read recently as well. I really enjoy the concepts of unconditional love and respect.