So im just doing a general poll. Do you think mothers are entitled to a bit of a fuss on mothers day?Im in an argument with OH cause (among other things) he went off for a long wkend to NY in connection to a hobby of his, made a bulls..t comment beforehand... oh i wont even b here for mothers day. I said ok but i wud like perfume from duty free. He arrives back yest morn, spent day email & calls etc connected to same hobby, instead of sleeping so wud be alert when i got home from work with kids. Fell asleep while 2yr old getting ready for bed (i had baby in bed by then), no perfume, when i asked why he said "i didnt kno which one" (but he didnt ask either) and leave me alone im off to bed now. No cuddle, no time together, no apology.Argument still going on this morning, i asked why no card then if cudnt decide about perfume to b told he didnt think mothers day was that important.i think i do deserve a little something, i work extremely hard as main earner and mom to two v small chn. No xmas or valentines gift either as he was working away from home long hours too busy to get me anything. I just feel v let down now as i specifically asked for sth from duty free. Am i foolish... is mothers day not important?

Mothers day is what you want it to be. I think if you had asked for something he should have gotten it for you. But some men need it pointed out to them. My DH couldn't understand why he had to do anything for me on mothers day because I wasn't his mother. But he gets that I like it to be acknowledged and I think that's all that matters. He really should have brought you home something.

I think it's too commercialised just another money making racket.i much prefare when the kids randomly do something nice because they felt like it.a wild flower picked and brought home is worth more than a Mother's Day bouquet which is double the usual price.

Robynn, thats the best turn of phrase ive heard for ages. Burst out laughing. Thanks. I was actually thinking of u earlier, dont kno why, hope all going well with the smallies, esp baba. I had my little man for check up in temple st today and they are delighted with him. Eating all round him, crawling backwards.Eire77 I feel your pain.

Hugely important to me but didn't even get a card although I had asked for one. we don't do Christmas/Birthday presents but I think it's important to have one day a year to say thank you for all the things I do for my children throughout the year. I'd always make a handmade card from the kids and have a little chat with them about everything their Dad does for them. I keep all my cards in a file and read back on them so he knows it matters to me. I was honestly very upset he hadn't bothered his arse and I'm still piddled off over it.

Ah god that's really really mean, a little card and any old perfume would have done to make you feel somewhat important. I don't think hugely about mothers day but I do when I'm undervalued, last year everything was taken for granted and got nothing, DD 5 at the time got awful upset that he got me nothing, think he did feel bad, I reminded him a million times this year, I could barely find the card amongst the filth of the kitchen that he was supposed to have cleaned, had to laugh really!! We were having a discussion about all this a while back and dh said that he thought both of us have never really accepted the fact that kids completely change your life and you can't continue on the way you were when single/ just married etc, instead of adjusting we were fighting against it. Maybe it's not couple counselling you need but he needs to go just himself to get his head around the fact that he has brought 2 little people into the world that need him and you and his own hobbies need to be second, sounds like he just can't accept his life has to change. I'd say you have more chance of getting him to do that then looking up a crows hole, but you know what I mean

I agree sunnyside, he has just been elected for 3rd yr as presidebt of voluntary organisation although i have pointed out examples of friends involved in similar events that stepped back while children were small. His view, however, is that he has already cut back (true... it was actually more time consuming than his job when i met him) and outside interests are healthy. He thinks i should take up more things outside the house.. I cut out practically all my voluntary work when baby1 was born. However i dont feel 2 people ina house can make those kind of commitments. Oh well, i would be worse off if he was out in the pub every night.

OP I think there's a lot more than mother's day here. TBH your hubbys hobby sounds more like an obsession that keeps him from having time to spend with his family. And sometimes people have hobbies etc so as not to have time to spend with family it's a convenient excuse. But if a hobby takes that kind of toll it's time to scale it back or get rid of it . kids are only small for a short time and it's precious time to watch them growing up to become their own little person. The hobby should be put on the back burner tbh.

Wow lilluput, that is such a nice thing to do for your children. They will remember this fondly when they are older. And hopefully buy you flowers themselves. Your ex sounds like an as$ not to repricrocate but you are the bigger person here. Xx

Fair play to you lillyput for being the bigger person, you would think not only for your sake but for the kids he would get a gift with them for you. I hope you did something nice for yourself for the day, you deserve it.

I think its important to show your appreciation. I buy flowers for my kids to give to their step mum on mother's day as they are always with them on a Sunday. I will admit that it hurts that their dad never buys a little gift for them to give to me. Even a bunch of daffs would be appreciated.

Thanks all. Good to get different perspectives. Tbh i was more upset by him devoting his whole day yest to his own stuff again and then conking out when i got home with children, as you all say... just to spend a bit of time with together is nice. And to leave me in tears downstairs while he went off to bed was heartless. Im not entirely sure where to take things next as something like this (he treats me badly, i get v upset, he refuses to accept he did anything wrong, after a few days i get tired of arguing/keeping my distance and things go back to how they were before) happens every few months. Im hoping to go for marriage counselling and break the cycle but if say he would never do it.

Its nice to be appreciated and if he only gave you a card, it meant he thought of you. The fact that he didn't get you anything for Christmas at all says he is a complete ignoramus and selfish. That's the way it reads to me.

I've had years when we hadn't the money to buy gifts so something nice wrote in a card was nice to recieve. When we have money I get a nice gift, some years I get a lovely gift while others I get something small but nice. I love when the kids all come in when I'm in bed and they get all excited to see what I get, one year it was a small box of after eight and a card but we still enjoyed it and sat in bed eating them. It's just the ritual we have, I do the same for dh. I think it's a nice day and I like to be treated for it be it small or something big.

That is a very sad op! Yes Mother's Day is important, like birthdays and so on, Father's Day is important too and I bet the op will go out of her way to ensure kids show appreciation for their dad! It's not about mad gifts, a simple handmade card, some breakfast in bed and time together as a family which to many mums is treasured!

You're right ShellsBells, I get nothing except a card, by choice, because a few years of hardship made me realise what is important, and they are things that money can't buy. TBH I think the bigger/more extravagant the gift the more the sense of duty ..... but each to their own.

I would be the first to say its just a hallmark occasion but there is such marketing surrounding it that its hard not to feel bad if no/little effort was made on the day. Even the m&s add kept saying " this mothers weekend" dragging it out over 2days :(

I got a nice card and a gift and I bought my own mother the same. It's no harm to show some appreciation and make someone feel special. Btw, I don't need validation from anyone - I know I'm amazing ;-)

Happy.. he does sometimes help and is good with the toddler in fairness. But he often works away overnight mon-fri so i do lions share. He sometimes has 1-2 wks off together and i have to nag and nag to get him to do stuff while he is off (kids still go to minders) like hoovering, etc. I get annoyed and we argue. I got him xmas present from kids... basic stuff like socks and slippers and clothes etc but at least he wears them. I gave up getting him expensive gifts as he throws them in a drawer or such.. ipod, chromecast etc.

Hi spidermam. No i didnt care what kind. Im easily pleased. He never asked when i said i wud like some perfume from duty free just said ok. And on return never mentioned ... oh i didnt get perfume cause didnt kniw which one. What wud u like?Thanks all for replies. I kno im not his mother but my kids are too small to show appreciation so he cud do sth on their behalf. What upsets me is he doesnt think what i ask/want is important... or less important than spending all his extensive free time on his hobby/voluntary organisation.

I thinks it's a load of twaddle tbh and I wouldnt expect dh to get me something for it. I'm not his mother. I'd remind him to look after his mother but she in nursing home and not aware half the time so it's not important anymore. One of my kids bought me something, One sent me a text and other was so stressed studying it passed by completely. Didn't bother me - I get random hugs from them all throughout the year.

It depends on you really. DH knows I don't really care much for Mother's Day or Valentine's Day as I'd rather he be around than have presents. This is down to my parents separating as a child and I used to get loads of presents but never their presence. DH knows this so he gets little tokens. In your case you asked him for something from duty free so he should have gotten you something especially if he knows these days are important to you.