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I have begun and stopped at least a dozen posts. There’s so much I want to say, but the thoughts seem incomplete and unimportant. I struggle with what to say, what to share. I see so much around me, both good and not so good. But, putting the words around those moments has proven difficult.

I watch friendships that come and go for so many reasons. I don’t think all relationships are meant to last forever. There are some people that come into our lives for a season and then we move on in different directions. What I’m seeing, though, are relationships that are coming apart because there are so many conditions that are set forth. The most common condition: “I can’t spend time with you if he/she will be there” or the more definitive “You have to choose, it’s me or him/her.” But the most interesting spin on these conditional friendships is that the conditions are usually not reciprocal. The same person that forces the choice also requires unconditional acceptance of all of his/her own relationships.

I see snap judgments made with very little knowledge of the circumstances. It’s easy to jump to the obvious conclusions. It’s much harder to look through the details and find out the circumstances that surrounded the event or person. Not all information that is provided through the news or social media is complete or even correct. I remind myself that a cup of salt and a cup of sugar look a lot alike, but they impart very different results. It’s time to stop assuming everything is at face value and look deeper.

I realize how easy it is to forgive and forget a “pet” sin. Adultery, promiscuity, little white lies, petty theft are easily excused and often expected by the majority of the population. But, make a mistake or forget something that is involved with one the “causes of the day” and expect be hung out to dry. Political correctness, bullying, gun control are all examples of causes that get a lot of attention very quickly. One misstep and you are toast.

I mourn the loss of discipline in the home and schools. Where are the strong parents that created strong homes to provide the framework for successful children? Instead, we have given rise to the “helicopter” parent that is just trying to force the schools and society to adapt to “MY CHILD”. Where is the discipline in schools that commanded respect? It has been eroded away, bit by bit, by the parents who see no wrong in their own special and perfect hell raiser and the leadership that is afraid of repercussions.

I’m exhausted by the total obsession with “me, myself and I” that surrounds us. All of the above would be remedied by taking time to look around and try to understand. But, I can’t see others if I’m focused on me. Am I a cup of sugar or a cup of salt? How will I affect the recipe of life around me?

During the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, we have all seen acts of service for others affected by the storm. Churches, organizations, businesses and first responders have all banded together to do what is needed to evacuate and to provide food and shelter to storm victims. Teams of people from schools, religious organizations, neighborhoods as well as out-of-state volunteers have come into the area to clear out debris and start the recovery process. The response has been immediate and awe-inspiring. The servant’s heart has had ample use this month. The opportunities for selfless service have been endless as have the opportunities for those seeking the limelight of recognition. Does the motive for serving matter?

Having a servant’s heart means to put other’s needs ahead of our own. A person with a servant’s heart doesn’t look for rewards or recognition or even gratitude. In our social media heavy world, we walk a fine line between giving information and seeking recognition. There were many, many groups posting on the various social sites about helping after the storm. These posts were important because they got information out to those that needed it in a rather efficient manner. Volunteers were organized. Needs were recognized. It worked pretty well. There were lots of photo ops with people working and helping both neighbors and strangers. Our city came together to help. As the days passed, I began to see more “LOOK AT ME” posts. The transition was gradual, but the “where can I help” posts became selfies touting “look what I did today”. The photo ops were still there, but the focus was changing to “ME”. Needs were still being addressed. So, I kept asking myself, “Does it matter why we serve?”

This is a question I ask myself, quite often for some very different reasons. I have years of experience leading worship in churches. I started singing in church when I was 5 years old and sang “Little Baby in a Manger” at the Christmas Program. I’ve sung solos and in groups. I’ve played the piano and the organ for several congregations. I’ve even played my trombone on several occasions. I know that I can sing. When leading others in worship, I had to review my own motives every week. Was I singing because I wanted God to be honored or was I really enjoying the spot-light? To be honest, there was a little of both most of the time. I love music and I love to sing. During a season of my life, the only reason I had to be in a worship service was because “I” was on stage. I did not participate in anything else. I realized that I wanted (maybe even needed) the reward of recognition that came through performing on Sundays. But, there were also times when the greatest worship time I received was in rehearsing to lead others in worship. It was in those moments when I KNEW that God had given me a purpose.

In the 80’s, I heard a sermon that addressed the many people who had come to salvation through the work of some well-known and fallen evangelists. Jim and Tammy Bakker & Jimmy Swaggart were known as ministers of God’s word. They built their ministry serving others and reaching out to others in need. The Bible was taught. People were saved. But supporting the ministry became the primary need. People were no longer encouraged to be involved in their local church. Once the performers became more important than the God they served, things came crashing down. A lot of people were hurt and turned their backs on God as a result. I believe we have to look at our own motives for every act of service.

In most cases, I don’t know that it matters to anyone else why we choose to serve others. As long as we are meeting the needs of those around us, we are fulfilling a purpose. In the end, though, we have to stand before God and give an account of our lives. I will have to own up to the times that I was more interested in the praise of others than I was in following Him as a servant. I will have to admit the times I was fishing for a compliment. I will have to confess the moments when I wanted my star to shine brighter than any other. I will have to face the moments when performance and not service was my primary goal.