Great Job, Internet! Digital drugs through headphones, OMG!

Via Gizmodo: The latest alleged teen craze involves getting totally fucked up, man, by listening to noise via headphones. It's called I-dosing, and it has parents and teachers freaking out about the noise's potential as a gateway drug. Cue clueless local newscast...now:

Clearly, this is the greatest menace since parents were alerted to their children possibly being an "emo." But everyone can calm down, because—of course—it doesn't work. I just attempted to I-dose and it was an epic failure. Here I thought I would get to be high at the office and I’m as sober as a stone. Maybe a little dizzy because I just listened to white noise for nearly 10 minutes, but no euphoria. It’s actually so harmless it has been used as therapy. Looks like we're stuck with regular analog drugs, everyone.