Ch-ch-ch-changes

June 23, 2015

Good morning!

A lot has changed in the past few weeks. Many good, good things are on the horizon, and I am in this weird space, kind of suspended in between different phases of life. I know very soon I will have whole new surroundings (more on that below) and I am really trying to go slow and soak up what’s in front of me while I’ve got it. Transition is a truly strange thing! Honestly, it always makes me very happy and very sad at the same time.

So here’s what has gone down in the past few weeks:

1) I got my ACE personal trainer certification. HOLY SHIT did studying for that test throw me for a loop. I have had my nutrition certification for quite some time now, and my growing focus on different kinds of fitness paired with my client’s requests that I train them lead me to the conclusion that it was only logical to be trained to kick people’s asses in a consensual and structured manner. My dudefriend bought me all the text books and test vouchers I could ask for, and I set to studying, thinking the suggested six months of prep time was dumb and for people not already engaged in fitness.

I was wrong.

ANATOMY, Y’ALL. Shit is real.

Basically, within a month I realized that I may not pass, and as a type-A personality’d human with a hunger for achievement, I didn’t really react to that thought very well. It kind of surprised me to see how poorly I reacted to something not coming easily, in fact. I studied. I practice tested. I cried. I poney’d up some cash for a tutor. and then I passed. I walked out of that test room feeling like a gigantic weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and then there was….emptiness.

I know I am not the only one that feels fucking weird when a life accomplishment happens, when the subject of my focus naturally ends. After the test, there was a gigantic space where studying (and worrying) used to reside and the dip in “productivity” both confused me and threatened my sense of self. (Just like thinking I might not pass the test did. Huh. Imagine that.)

The part of my personality that needs constant achievement stimulation is something I’ll probably always have to work on, because I do not really enjoy the stress of it. What do I do when there’s nothing to do? Who am I when I am relaxing? How do I react when there is more space than busy work in my life? Existential questions for existential times, my dudes.

BUT ANYWAY.

In the wake of all this space, I made a life decision- big change number 2)- that did not come easily and that I don’t take lightly.

Come mid-September I am leaving all that I love in Oakland, packing up my bags, and driving my life up to Portland, OR.

I am saying goodbye to my gym, which means a lot more to me than just the place where I do my fitness. I am saying goodbye to the community at PlantFit, where I’ve been training my own clients. I am saying goodbye to year round abundant local produce and farmer’s markets, my friends, my little shack, my vegan coffeeshop. It feels big and kind of heavy, but also just intriguing enough to make me move forward with the idea. I am a creature of habit, and there has never once in my life felt a perfect time to make big changes. Sometimes I just have to leap and know that the world will catch me.

Very little will change for Super Strength Health, and that’s one constant I am super grateful for. Most of my clients live remotely, so we can continue seeing one another no matter where I am, really, and I am already very excited about the people who’ve contacted me to train them in person once I arrive to the land of rain and wonderful coffee. My business will still be what it is now (maybe even better!) and I will have the added bonus of a centrally located two bedroom apartment that I can afford with just my dude (him and I have never once lived just the two of us in all our time together). Most of my best friends will be waiting for me when I arrive. I can’t micromanage every aspect of my new life (even though I want to)- but I can know that things will probably work out okay. I’m putting my best effort forward, and let’s face it- I chose a pretty cushy place to be a vegan woman who lifts.

With planning the move, my wedding (August 15th!) and my honeymoon (KAUAIIIIIIII) there is a ton of movement in my life these days. But for now? I’m just trying to be still. Let slowness overtake me. Take deep breaths of California air. Because I have often let future plans take me out of my present life, and even with cool, interesting, scary things on the horizon, right now has a ton of shit going on that I don’t want to miss.

I lived in Portland for five years before I lived here, so it is definitely a homecoming of sorts. Also my best friend who is my roommate is moving there, and a bunch of other best friends already lived there. And it is more expensive there than it has been, but waaayyyy cheaper than the bay! I am so stoked.

sounds like some big changes! but all good things…change is so hard for me. I give you huge kudos for making the leap to somewhere new even though you lived there before its still different. I’m a giant baby with that stuff so I think its pretty cool. A big change for me is happening this week as I start a new part time gig with VEGA being a sample bitch (my words not theirs) Im very excited and have no problem talking to consumers and talking up the benefits etc, the part im most scared about is traveling to some of the stores that are like and hour or more away from my house where i have to deal with unfamiliar areas, expressways, cities and making sure I don’t get lost…I worry about these things and then they end up not being a problem. I’m definitely an adult baby sometimes when it comes to these things that most people probably dont think too much about. Congrats on acing the ACE cert! Oh man I am ACE certified as well and yeah that exam made my brain hurt pretty bad as I recall….I was a total anxiety wreck heading into it, yeah tons of anatomy! I wish it focused a little more on real life scenarios and nutrition of course but its pretty good overall.

I did that exact job for Vega last year! You are a perfect fit for them for sure, and get stoked for more free product than you can shake a stick it! Its a super holdover job, I just ended up having to leave because I found a demo position that reimbursed me for mileage, which Vega didn’t do at that time (and maybe somehow still doesnt?!)

true story still on the mileage….bummer. but yes wow I have gotten so much free fun stuff its pretty awesome, plus I give a bunch of stuff to clients and they dig that of course. freebies rock my world. it goes well with the down times of my personal training sessions and kinda fills in that mid part of the day when I am slower. How fun that you worked for them too!

“The part of my personality that needs constant achievement stimulation is something I’ll probably always have to work on, because I do not really enjoy the stress of it. What do I do when there’s nothing to do? Who am I when I am relaxing? How do I react when there is more space than busy work in my life? Existential questions for existential times, my dudes.”

Oh how I resonate with this! We are the same in a lot of ways, ladydude. I wish you the best and most love in your new adventures. <3

I have a similar problem – every time I achieve a milestone, instead of feeling accomplished relief, I immediately feel pressure to DO MORE BETTER NOW! The world is watching, kid, don’t screw it up! I’ve had that lately with the podcast. Instead of just being happy it’s going well, all I can think about is all the interviews we should schedule, guest posting we should be doing, etc. until I’m a ball of anxiety. I can’t seem to just breathe, ever, and just think, “Hmm. Nice work.”

Good luck on your move! I’d love to grab coffee with you up there whenever I go to visit my buddy :)

Congrats on your move! I’m super excited for you and can’t wait to see your Portland posts! It’s a place I dream of living in myself. Maybe one day. It’s so uplifting to read your post and the comments as I too struggle with achievement. Even though I’ll reach a goal I also feel sort of bewildered by that accomplishment–a little out of sorts and I find it difficult to feel satisfied with whatever it is I just worked so hard for! Having some of that now as I prep for the Fall semester. It’s exciting to see all of these happy things coming your way! Best of luck with all of them, I’ll be cheering for you from the sidelines!

“1) I got my ACE personal trainer certification.”
Congrats!!!! This is awesome news =) So proud of you chica. I have my FIS (certified fitness instructor) and I thought that was tough shit, but I hear the trainer certification is even worse! I can’t believe how much studying I did and *barely* passed. Man oh man.
And moving? Damn – I’m a little bummed since I had planned on sweeping into your life and become super buddies with you, but we can still hang in August before you go (if you have time during your wedding planning!). Portland though – that is the perfect place to go! Vegan Paradise =) I think it may actually be slightly cooler than Cali ;p
“him and I have never once lived just the two of us in all our time together”
That is crazy! I’m glad you guys can finally live alone together. It’ll be a nice change.
It sounds like you are taking things in stride and dealing well with all of these exciting changes – I’m happy for you =)

Congrats on getting your ACE certification! This is one thing definitely on my ASAP to-do list, hopefully before life, work and everyday routine drains my brain and motivation completely. On another note, I don’t know if you’ve been to Kauai before or not, but you’re totally gonna love it! I was there on my honeymoon three years ago, and that trip will always be a fond memory. If you get a chance to go to Steelgrass Chocolate Farm, definitely go – it was a highlight (one of many) of our honeymoon!