Disapointment

Disappointment. It's a negative emotion commonly occurring after enduring a less than pleasurable day or receiving unexpected news that is not quite as expected.

It is a hard feeling to ignore. A great day suddenly full of feelings of sadness and doubt. The instinct that you are not worthy of this great day that was so brightly before you. Suddenly, the hope and strength you had is fading into the darkness of night and you find the only comfort is bed. Sometimes days occur where everything is suddenly going wrong.

Today was one of those days.

It started with lack of sleep. I've not eaten properly lately due to financial obligations of greater importance. I had to restrict my normally organic lifestyle back to the less than savory unhealthy food so easily affordable. This has resulted in stomach aches of epic proportions. Totally not a friendly way to start any day. My husband has been enduring the stomach virus I'd had a couple weeks ago, so I've been helping monitor him for complications and of course am worried I'll have a relapse.

While fixing him pancakes, thinking they'd settle his stomach, one of my cats, Spica, decided to make a home on my laptop keyboard. She had curled up into a loving ball of fluff enjoying the warmth. Somehow, she'd locked my keyboard. I felt a very foreboding sense of nausea as I continued to face a keyboard-less laptop despite restarting. I'm great with tech, but this had never occurred before so I felt quite helpless. I forced my mind to relax and focus. Eventually, I noticed a new icon and discovered she'd activated the quick keys feature. Once I turned it off, my keyboard returned and I eagerly checked my email. I'd felt much better after having solved the and was inspired to get back to work.

Unfortunately, I only got back to more bad news. I'd had a potential client reach out to me late Friday night for an event several weeks later this month. It was long past bedtime and I was exhausted. I'd planned to reply over the weekend, but my Husband that has been working 7 day weeks was unexpectedly off, so I'd put my business on hold since nothing was scheduled and spent time with my family. Early this morning (Monday), I replied to the potential client with an apology due to time with my family and informed them I was gladly available for their event. The only reply was that they'd already booked someone else, needing an immediate commitment. This was a harsh reminder of the hard part with having your own business. Though we choose our hours and have more freedom in essence compared to working in a typical job, we are still answering to someone else. I wanted to spend rare time with my family and was rewarded by loosing a client because I chose to not reply to the email when it was received despite the late hour. There are no off days or weekends when you work for yourself unless the amount of clients and income is of such a level that it no longer matters. I am still working part-time so, every client is like ice cold water in a desert.

While I was recovering from this great disappointment, a final heartbreaking reminder of the changes of life outside our control suddenly appeared as a text on my phone. A change that will ensure nothing is ever again the same. Finality. Reminding me that life goes on regardless of us.