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Go to Scotland - their beer is slightly different from English beer (We are talking ales here, by the way, not that lager shite) - and go into a pub. I recommend a brew called "Black Douglas" - a fine beverage.

Ale can give you the beer shits. It isn't meant to be drunk in large volumes - a few pints, but that's it. A lot of pubs keep their guest ales in for a few days or a week, so go out for a pint for a few nights, and try something new every time. I did this for a year in my first year of university - I've tasted many different ales, and marked up a few of my favourites.

It's not too short, its just about the right length. I wear mine above the knee, it's more comfortable. And you don't need to wear anything fancy for shirts, a normal button down will do, also you don't need to have a sgian dubh to wear one. In my opinion, they didn't rent them from shop, more than likely it's their own.

Kilts are definitely meant to be 1 inch below the knee. That's what I've always been told in shops and by friends that work at traditional places such as tourist attractions.

You son't have to wear a bonnie prince Charlie of the other one (the name escapes me), but that is traditionally what you wear with a kilt. Wearing just a shirt is fine for more casual, but normally you start with the jacket and take it off later.

Sgian-dubh's are totally optionally, but are generally worn to non-casual events as they are 'proper' dress wear.

I've always been told above the knee. From family and other friends that have this tradition. There's not a "true" way to wear it, I just find above the knee to be more comfortable. Especially when it rains.

The Prince charlie is for very formal events, to wear it at a wedding would be out of place. Wearing the argyll jacket would be much better.

Hear me out, but this image isn't a joke. This is denial on the part of right-guy, acceptance by left-guy, and slight accept and build on the part of right-guy.

Walk into almost any half-decent comedy club/improv theater and this is an example of something which is poorly constructed from the beginning and did not build to any climax/punchline.

This could have gone:

R: Hey, you think we could take over that village over there?

L: Yes. I'm changing out of my dress-kilt and getting into my pillaging-kilt.

R: But what if you want to charm one of the women while you're raping her?

L: Goddamnit. I can never make these decisions. The dress-kilt brings out the caring in my eyes, but my pillaging-kilt brings out how much I enjoy gutting others.

R: Well then don't wear anything. Then anyone who looks at you will think: Oh, FUCK ME.

Obviously not an ideal joke. But notice it starts with acceptance on the part of left-guy (L), moves into R presenting a small problem which heightens the dialogue through absurd humor (charm someone you're raping is absurd) and shock humor (rape - arguable yes, but let's not get into that). Then L moves into absurd humor (fashion association with merciless cruelty to fellow man and woman). And finally, R doesn't deny or dwell on the problem, but accepts it and offers a quick solution, which is the punch line. Again, not perfect, but I'm not going to spend half an hour plus working on someone else's joke.