Excuse Me While I Get My Sh*t Together

This past week, I’ve started a list. Note the word “started”…there is much more where this came from. (No, it’s not a ‘To Do’ list.)

It’s a budget of sorts. In other words, I’ve decided what I do and do not give a f*ck about.

And here is what I discovered:

Things I Give a F*ck About

(Things I need to give more time / energy / attention to)

My health

My family’s health

Spending time with my family

Getting “me” time

Self care

Writing

Reading

Eating

Sleeping

Sound selfish? Good. It should. 🙂

Things I Do Not Give a F*ck About

(Things I need to give less time / energy / attention to)

What people think of me

TV shows I’m supposed to be watching because they are popular

People who don’t hear the word “no”

(Most) sports

Celebrities’ haircuts, dresses, shoes, handbags, relationships, pets…

Demands on my time and/or energy

Expectations about what I “should” be doing

Number of followers on [insert social media platform here]

Stats on my blog

What my neighbor thinks of my lawn

Now.

I have to stop giving a f*ck about these things in the form of time, energy, or money.

I have to stop stressing about these things.

I have to say NO to these things.

WITHOUT GUILT.

Some will be as easy as getting up, grabbing a marker, and crossing them off. *cough* Celebrities, sports, TV, blog stats… I already seriously don’t care about these things.

Others will be a difficult process of undoing who I am and recreating myself in the image of “What brings me joy.”

Now.

The real work begins.

My Sunday thoughts in (slightly over) 200 words.

I’m going to take a bit to digest this information and attempt to free up some time and energy for the things I really want to do. The things that are important to me. The things that bring me joy.

I will probably be posting on here because this little Lemon Shark does bring me joy but I will not become obsessed with and/or stressed about what others think I should be doing. So… I’ll post when I want about what I want. 🙂

I’m going to memorise your last paragraph and recite it to myself, often! Thanks for your thoughts Sarah. Have a great ‘you and yours’ day. I’m still on my very selfish/doing zilch holiday and lovin’ it…
Juliet

Thanks, Norah. 💕 I’m trying… I’m working on this. I feel like it shouldn’t be difficult but some things (not giving a f*ck what others think about me, in particular) are going to fall under that “recreating myself” category. I’m determined, though. Joy! 🙂

I love that your lawn is on the second list. By any chance do you live in a neighborhood with restrictive covenants or busy body neighbors? I do and I assure you they care about my lawn more than I do.

Yes. Neighbors. Glares, dirty looks, passive-aggressive comments… Oh, the horror of two dandelions and slightly overgrown bushes! Why do I care? I need to free up that time to take care of myself and my family. My health and happiness (and that of my family) is more important than a dandelion. And I am NOT sorry. 🙂 Thanks, Amanda!

Getting our sh!t together and knowing what and who to give a f*& about are two of the most important things to learn and do in life. The what I should be doing is easy for me because I honestly always do what I want and pivot like an meffer. Now not focusing on other things like reviews, stats, sales, etc. is a challenge because although my job is good, it’s not what I want to be doing. It’s what I’m doing to make sure I can care for the ones I love without F’ng up. It’s frustrating to have divide my time to please everyone and all my responsibilities and somehow find the will to keep pushing but it is what it is and does offer me some liberties. By having a well paying job, that means I can write unapologetically and release what I want, when I want, and how I want. That’s no small thing. When you work in advertising, EVERYTHING you do gets edited and gets filtered. It’s not fun to put it lightly. But I look at my books and I say, that’s mine. If it’s good or not, that’s on me. It’s motivating. It’s liberating. So I keep writing whenever I can. That sometimes I’ve been silly enough to pay attention to people who aren’t worth my time and stretched myself thin just so everyone is happy are things I’m always working on. Some days/weeks I do better at ignoring what doesn’t matter while other days I have to remind myself of the last time I punched a wall to find a better way to express feelings and use energy. It is a working progress… but so am I and so is life. 🙂 Cheers to you and here’s to crossing and tossing the crappy list and focusing on what does matter 😉

These are, my friend, without a doubt two of the most important things we need to learn and do. I’ve known for a long time my priorities are messed up and this book seemed to be the answer. Yet. I’m having a very difficult time with it, to be honest. I give way too much of my time and energy to people and things I don’t want to be spending my time and energy on. I’m always stretching myself too thin. Why? Guilt. Obligation. And I am MISERABLE.

I love that your writing gives you this motivation and is liberating. I love that you’ve found something you love spending time and energy on. And are doing it. ❤

Yes, let's get rid of the crap and focus on what matters. Yay! So…how do I do that? 😉

Indeed we do. My issues are that I juggle and jump through hoops so everyone is happy. I really wish I didn’t need the dayjob, but alas, I REALLY do. I know all too well about guilt and obligation and how you take one bit of time for yourself and it seems as if you’re God awful for thinking about yourself. (SINNNNNN)

In my writing I can use all I live to create and I adore it. I just wish I had more time to do it and that it wasn’t an issue to do it, but actually a good thing. As for focusing on what matters, a good example is how I cope with some “friends”. If they have quotations, it’s really questionable how good of friends they really are… and by not investing time in them, I have more time for my stuff. It’s hard to do but the moment you do it once and you realize that you’re not sorely needed or even missed, it’s easier to keep not spending time on them and instead on people who with just a little bit of attention make all the difference.

I will be writing about this when this week allows me to lol. But rest assured, the to do list and some other recommendations are in tow. Wishing you absolutely the best and always happy to invest time in you and your writing, for the only quotation marks related to you, are in the blog posts and stories you write… and I like that a lot. 😀

That’s the beauty of these lists. Everyone’s will be different. (Although I’m not surprised ours is similar.) And…here’s the real beauty of it… NO ONE has to give a f*ck what is or is not on anyone else’s list! 🙂 It’s wonderful! *happy dance*

P.S. Confession: I’ve never seen The Bachelorette and don’t plan to ever watch it.

I think this is a wonderful thing to do. Challenging, but rewarding to not give a f*ck. 🙂 I stopped watching TV a while ago, because it was taking up time that I would rather spend reading/writing. I don’t care about the TV, so why should I watch it just so I know what other people are talking about?

TV was easy for me. As it is, I don’t watch it much. When I do, it’s old shows. Some other things were easy as well. But, on the whole, I am finding this difficult. You’re right that it’s challenging. But I know it will be rewarding. Dare I say… “Life-changing!” 🙂

Good luck with this, Sarah, both your lists made me smile.
As I stand at my computer, I often notice passers-by staring at the grass in front of our house. It might be in admiration, but more likely it’s disapproval, as I don’t think the meadow has yet caught on here. But we think it’s nice to look at and great for insects.
In my experience, it gets easier to stick to your own preferences with age. Hang on in there!

Ooh… Attempting to keep even these small lists in my head would be disastrous. I don’t know about being an inspiration, but I’m trying. And you’re right…it is a start. Thank you, Diana. ❤️ You’re the inspiration, if I may say so. (And I may. It’s my blog.)

Yaaay! This is such a positive step! Well done, lovely lady. I never made an official list as such, but I also started down this route by cutting out the things which were creating pressure in my life that I didn’t need. At first it left me with terrible guilt, but not anymore… it’s actually quite liberating. Although I still have a long way to go, but it’s all good. It’s 8 days since you wrote this, how’s it going so far? Btw your neighbours sound awful, I hope there are some lovely ones too. I love plants best when left to Mother Nature’s gardening… wild and free and joyful because of it. Let it go and let it grow, I say! 🤣 Hugs to you, Sarah! I feel so strongly that I want to meet you one day. Xxx

I don’t want to downplay this but it is just a step. A positive step, like you said, but a step nontheless. I have a long way to go, too, and I don’t know why it’s proven so challenging for me. Bloody hell with the guilt! Why??? I love that you’ve cut crap out of your life. It does sound liberating. I want that!

We were just talking the other day about how we have yet to meet a nice neighbor. I’m sure they’re here somewhere. In hiding. 😉

Yes. I can’t wait to meet you. It’s one of those things I feel must happen. 💞

Yes, all those nice neighbours will be muttering behind closed doors, saying just the same thing as you! Lol! There are a handful of houses around me but not near enough to see who goes in and out, or to say hi to, so even after 9 years, I know very few of my neighbours. In my previous house, we all lived on top of each other, we could hear the neighbours two doors down arguing at 2am in the morning, and everyone knew your business. Now that was awful! 😆 Glad you’re working on the self-care, missus! Keep on truckin’… you’ll get there! Xxx

I hope letting go of all the crap starts to get easier for you. That guilt switch isn’t something you can just flick off and stop feeling. But maybe, after a while of saying no, you’ll finally get some relief in that life of yours. 🙂

I want a guilt switch! I’ll tape it to the “off” position. If that doesn’t work, I’ll use superglue. That’d be awesome. And, no, it’s not odd that you feel guilty I suppose. But I really hope you stop it. 😉 I’m hoping that, with practice, it will become second nature like you said and get easier. But I’m no spring chicken… I don’t know why it’s taken me this long. Thanks, Loni. 💖

I get the sense that you see yourself as categorically different from (i.e., beneath) someone like Sarah Knight. Let me state outright that you are not. She’s you. You’re her. She just followed her F*cks and F*ck-nots until she wrote some stuff that got her up on a stage.

I’d read you. I’d listen to you. I am. (And I haven’t even listened to or read Ms. Knight yet, though I’m sure she is worth both.)

Don’t know why I felt compelled to say all of that. Maybe I sense a bit of self-doubt. If it’s there, put it firmly in the F*ck-not pile.

Well, you get the correct sense. I wish I could say it’s not how it seems but, alas, it is. I’m hoping to wake up one day and feel differently. But, in the meantime, I cannot thank you enough for this lovely comment. All of it. I truly appreciate it.

(I am going to try putting that self-doubt the the Don’t Give a F*ck pile.) 🙂

OK, I’m going to flat-out put you on the spot (and publicly, no less):

Do you see and feel that you are a strong writer with an original voice? Do you accept that as a real part of who you are? Or when I say it’s so, does it feel merely like “someone being kind”? Try answering definitively (yes, in writing, right here) in one of two ways: A.) “I know I’m a strong writer with an original voice”; or B.) “I don’t think I’m a strong writer with an original voice, and your words felt merely like someone being kind.”

Again, resist every urge to equivocate, add caveats, etc., even if making the statement alone makes you want to throw up. You may be surprised what making that one small choice and statement might accomplish.