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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Anyone that knows me , knows I have struggled with my weight for years. I arrived here a 13 yrs old less than 100 lbs soaking wet. Stress, new country, new culture, different eating habits, laziness, you name it has made me overweight. By hs I started the weight loss journey. I have yet to reach my goal but hope is the last to die right??

Well I can maintain my weight with no problem. I weigh the same I did 9 years ago when I got married. There is a 10lb range that I stay in. When dh leaves, I get to the lower of that range, when he gets home I will reach the higher end of that range but always the same. I can fit into my wedding gown for goodness sake. I guess there is a positive to everything.

Well I am up for trying anything when it comes to loosing this weight and finally winning this battle. I can't even name everything I have tried. Insanity to some desperation to me.

Last week my Groupon had a special for $95 you get a Five week Systemic Lipotropic Fat Loss Program. Out of that sentence, I had to google 2 words because I had no clue what their definition were, but that didn't stop me. I saw fat loss program and bought it before I even finished reading the description.

After reading the description, I found out I would get a consultation, a 5 week supply of B6 and B12 weight loss shots and Syringes.

Score. Not too long ago my doctor was giving me B12 shots to boost my energy level. I have fatigue disorder, am always tired, no matter how much sleep or vitamins or clean diet I eat. My life is a blur of yawning, cupious amounts of coffee and snooze button hitting.
Those B12 shots helped a ton. They were right in my hip bone and burned while going in, but for the first time ever, I jumped out of bed in the mornings. The only downfall is they were $25 a pop, needed once a week and insurance didn't cover. After a month I couldn't justify that expense anymore.

Well, I been exhausted and needed to try something new and jumped at this opportunity. I called and made my appointment for today.

I get there and its at the ritziest part of town. Porches and mercedes line the streets. I am already feeling self concious and I got Ju with me. I walk inside this clinic and Barbie would feel self concious. Everyone was perfectly dressed, gorgeous and tiny. I had the urge to check out the back to make sure they don't have a secret fabric that spits out gorgeous people in 2.5 seconds flat.

I show my groupon, fill out tons of paperwork, and get taken to a room. In comes Brad Pitt if Brad Pitt were to loose 30 lbs. This guy talked a mile a minute, asked my issues, grabbed a blue bag, rattled off statistics about 90% of the population having a deficiency of B12 and B6 and how beneficial it is and then proceeded to explain to me how to load the syringe and how to apply myself the injections. Come again?? You want me to shoot up?? Uh I am not comfortable with this.

He tells me it wont hurt (dude pain is not my issue. Do you know how painful it was the cabagge diet or those hip bones B12 shots I was taking??) My issue is shooting myself up.

He loads the syringe, making sure to repeat a couple of times to never forget to wipe the bottle and the injection site with alcohool (more statistics about infection. Too bad at this point I am not really listening. I was still stuck on the I have to shoot myself up deal) and asks me if I have any qualms about lifting my shirt up that he will help me with the first one.

I am no prude. I have had 2 csections, I have been waxed and bedazzled. I am mean don't get me wrong..I have decency. People in the street are already going to think "Oh look she is fat". I make sure I dress extremely well and take care of myself because God forbid they were to say "OMG look she is fat, doesn't know how to dress for her size and have ugly piggies". Oh no way.
So while I dress casual, jeans and T-shirt, you will never catch me with a belly showing shirt, or worse a pair of pants with the words "HOT STUFF" on the back.

So I told him no qualms at all. I need help. I lift my shirt, pinch the right side of my belly button like he demonstrated, wipe it with the solution, grab the syringe and as I am about to shoot up like he explained he stops me and tells me "you have to go in a angle". Another deep breath, a quick rattle of prayers for strenght and boom. I did it. I shot myself up. I started pushing this supposedly magic liquid inside and was so thankful I didn't have to do this again. Until he informs me I have to do this every day except sundays until my 5 week supply is gone.

He tries to sell me a bunch of overpriced appetite suppressants that I politely decline. I am very content with my $17 from Amazon Atrophex that helps keep my hunger in check. I have no desire to buy into another gimmick. He hands me cards, flyers and brochures and I leave.

All the way back to the car I am thinking how did I get myself into this situation?? How did something that sounded so awesome just last friday now sounds horrible??

Well the injection site is sore, I am hoping and praying I will be bouncing the walls soon with much needed energy and I am praying even harder I will have the guts to shoot myself up tomorrow again without the help and without screwing up.

Friday, August 26, 2011

*DISCLAIMER: When I use the word "religion" please understand I mean " relationship with God". Its just easier to write religion.

About 90% of the blogs I read, the writer is religious (or aka as noted on the disclaimer have a relationship with God). No, I don't discriminate. I guess I just tend to flow that way and like that. I am sure I could read a blog post about someone bashing God, but it would be a one time read only and I wouldn't go back only because that train of thought doesn't interest me. Don't get me wrong, I would love to pick the brain of someone that truly doesn't believe in God to see how they got to be that way and what drove them to that. If it was upbringing or outside influence or what and their reasoning, but since religion is such a hot subject, I have no one jumping up and down volunteering to be my lab rat, its a question, I will probably die with. Oh well!!!

But anyways, very rarely will people talk about it openly. I don't know why that it. Sometimes they will mention they believe in God or even post a pin they pinned about it, but really deeply talk about it?? I dont see it, only on the blogs geared towards religion discussion.
People will talk about mommy wars, their stance on gay marriage, the war and so many other controversial topics, but this one people tend to stay away from it. I guess all the past wars have left a very deep reminder on people on what it can happen when there is religious disagreement. Since I don't shy away from anything, was born without a filter, I am going to talk about it.

First a little background..I was raised with Catholicism forced down my throat. I failed first communion 4 times to the dismay of my grandparents. I am 30 and have never done first communion. Oh the shame. Then through my teenage years, my parents started to follow Allan Kardec teaching (if you are not familiar with it, the basic believe is Reincarnation. You are born blind on this life..well last lifetime you caused someone to loose an eye. Whatever you do here, you will pay for it. This lifetime or the next). I lived in their house, and under 18, I got dragged to it. I actually enjoyed it and a lot of my questions got answered and I got some explanations that today I still carry it with me.

Through my teenage angst a couple of suicide attempts, near death experiences and lot of soul searching, a huge spiritual transformation happened. I accepted Christ into my heart and decided loving God and His son was enough for me. I didn't need anything else. I could make mistakes, not have to beat myself for it, ask for forgiveness and I was going to be just fine. My life did a 180. Not long after, I read "The Purpose Driven life" got thousands more questions answered, deepen my relationship with God, and found a new way to talk to them. Oh yeah I don't say "Hail Mary's" anymore. I am the one going "Seriously God?? What the heck where you thinking?? I am not happy with this decision at all". I am sure I will cause my mother's heart to stop someday soon and she is pretty close to bathing me in holy water. But I love it. Its who I am, the true me. I feel so much closer to God because I am being me, if I tried anything else, I would be faking it, which is what I did in my early years, and which God was aware.

Well I am 30 years old, with a extremely strong relationship with God, I believe Jesus was our savior, I believe my life is 10 thousand times better because of it. I don't pray, I have conversations with God, honest raw ones.I could never recite a passage. I only go to church when I feel like it, I love a good margarita, I can make a sailor blush, I smoke (which I am trying so hard to quit), I love some dancing and some fornication ;) (with my husband only of course), I am not that much of a hussy, don't worry. But that is who I am and I am sure God loves me just the same, heck he made me and gave me free will. Even though at times, I am sure he regrets that decision.

Back to the point, this relationship with God is the most important thing in my life. Above my relationship with my husband and my children, because I know this is the only guaranteed thing in this life. Tomorrow my husband could easily trade me for Megan Fox and my children could pass. So this relationship with God is my foundation and the most important thing I have because it will keep me alive, sane, and help me get through anything in this world.

This relationship is the most important thing I want to give to my children. I feel this is all they need in life. If I can give them this, I feel like my job as a mother is done because with this relationship, even when I screw up, they will forgive me like God has forgiven them. They wont ever need anything because He will provide for them in fully with whatever they need. They will be satisfied with however much or little they have, they will go through trials and come out triumph on the other side.

How to do that is my main question and what causes me many sleepless night. I absolutely can not fuck this up. Under no circumstances. This I need to get it right because talking to many, one of the main reasons they turned away from God, Jesus and religion, is the way it was delivered, by their parents, their peers or whatever. It was shoved down their throats and they disagreed with. I can completely understand that. I only feel comfortable in a non denominational church, anywhere else I feel like I am being judged and don't believe with a lot of their teachings. I march to the beat of my own drum and feel everyone should do the same. So, I need to find a way to teach my children how to love and adore God and to believe in all the good Jesus has done for them.

I have talked to other parents and some of them wont teach their kids anything and just let them find their own way. I am glad that works for them, but that would never work for me. My job as a mother is to teach and guide my children. I don't just hand them 2 knives, a rock and some flint and wave goodbye. I am there everyday teaching answering questions and I don't think it should be any different when it comes to religion.

At 30, hearing about too may religions confuse me, there is no way I can do that to my children. I want them to know the basics. God and Jesus anything else is not important. Not at all. Its very simple. You got those 2 in your heart, and you are good to go. Whatever happens next lifetime, whatever happened in the past, none of it matters and will make a difference.

How to teach them that? How to not screw up??

I have begun the teaching process when they were 2 and newborn and dh and I found an amazing non denom church in NC. We have always talked about God. My favorite expression is OMG. Ds hears it all the time, dd repeats it. I sometimes talk to God aloud "Please God hold off this rain just until we get home". Kids are like sponges they absorb everything.
Right after dh left, I came up with a prayer from pieces here and there to teach them the basics and it goes like this :

"Dear God, who made the planets, who made the earth, who made us, you are Jesus father and we thank you for given him to us. Thank you for our blessings, our house, our food, our family and friends, dad and all the good things you have given us. Always in our heart we love you. Amen". Then I tell them to say sorry for something and say thank you for something.

Sometimes they say thank you for he simplest things and sorry for very serious stuff (like the homeless man we just saw on the highway) that will tug at my heart. I want to instill that in them. The thankfulness and the realization that even though we make mistakes, we are forgiven. There is a passage in the Bible that says something about (I don't know the right wording so bear with me), but anyways, it pretty much sums up that if you give your children a strong foundation in our Lord, they might veer and move here or there, but they will always come back.

I have no idea if I am doing it the right way or the wrong way. Heck sometimes my son says his belly hurts because God is in there pushing on it. I seriously think he believes God is a full size person that lives inside his hear and pushes things around and sometimes causes his belly to hurt ;)
I hope I am doing the right thing and I really wished more people talked about this more often and it wasnt such a taboo subject because I truly believe through the exchange of ideas, is how we learn and grow.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Some moms will cry on days like today, some moms will have a hard time letting go, some will stand by the bus stop waving and waving to the already disappearing bus.

Some moms will feel lost, they wont know what to do with their time.

Well, I am not some moms.

I am screaming because I am so freaking excited. This day has finally come. I am so happy I could scream from the rooftops. I have plenty to do with my time that includes baking yummy stuff, continuing on potty training a stubborn 2 year old and episodes of Glee to watch. I am happy. I love new phases. I have kept this child alive happy and healthy until its time for him to go to school...that is a huge accomplishment and one I will brag about it.

Now we will have new subject matter to talk about. Gone will be the talks about what I dreamed last night and trucks on the road, in will come absolutely new subject matter. Hopefully what he learned and not gossip about who got in trouble.

I love him, I miss him, but I believe missing someone is important and part of a healthy relationship, so that is why I am so excited about this.

So while you are crying, I am shouting from the rooftops....My son is in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(I was so excited, I forgot to charge my camera and you are left with crappy iphone pic...sooooooory)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

As I mentioned before , I discovered Pinterest and have been cooking my way through it, pinning way too much and wasting hours on this wonder site. It has helped me a ton to get my creative juices flowing in the kitchen and I am super excited to try new recipes.

I debating doing a challenge after the hubby is home and for one month only cook thing we have never made before. It seems exciting and get us out of our comfort zones.

So anyways, this past week I have made 3 things and bacon.

Let me start with the bacon. I have never made bacon before. I didn't eat bacon from the time I was 5 until I was 20 years old. I loved pigs, collected them and eating bacon just seemed wrong. Enter dh and all hell broke loose. He started making delicious sunday morning breakfasts and always a side of bacon for him, one bite was all it took. I was a goner. I still never made bacon. Just seemed like a big hassle and I don't fry, not to mention I despise how the house smells after you fry something. Not for me.

After a couple years while at our friends house, he showed dh how to make bacon with the george foreman. Gone was the hassle and in comes a new easier way and dh's current method.

This past february while up in PA, dh's cousin made breakfast for us one night and he cooked bacon in the oven. Delicious and and no frying. I was sold. Well, dh and I were too busy catching up/drinking way too much to noticed the temps or time he cooked this wonder.

While at my bff's house in VA, we tried to recreate making bacon in the oven because she never heard of it and only half was good. I never made bacon again until I stumbled upon a new recipe at Pinterest. Pretty much you take a cookie sheet, cover with foil, place your defrosted bacon on it, throw it in the cold oven, set it to 400 and set the time for anywhere between 17-20 minutes. My oven took 20 minutes but out came the most amazing melt in your mouth bacon ever, no hassle easy clean up. Yeahhh :)

Also I have made this hawaiian chicken. I served it over white rice with a side of veggies. I didn't like it :( I don't know if it was the type of bbq sauce I made or what but it didn't taste right. The kids loved it. I am going to tweak it some more after dh is home and can give me some feedback but to me it the taste was off.

Then came this one : Breakfast casserole.. That was delicious. I made it for dinner one night and was extremely pleased with it. I added green onions and some diced tomatoes to give it some color and it was super. That is going in the cookbooks.

There is a very similar recipe to this floating around on Pinterest called "Weight watchers pizza". If you want to try that one, go ahead. Its so similar to this one, I am sure you will enjoy it.

Last but not least I made a french toast casserole. I made a couple changes including using way less sugar,less eggs, using evaporated milk instead of buttermilk (I never remember to buy it) and also I followed one of the commenters and changed the mode of preparation.
It was good extremely good. Dh is a huge fan of french toast casserole, so I have been on the search for a recipe to wow him since the old one I used was so so in his book. I think this one will wow him, we will see.

That is it so far. I have big plans for this week in terms of continuing on cooking my way through Pinterest. Right now I am on a bit of a hold to see if this hurricane will hit us or not and instead of planning new recipes I am keeping close watch on the news to see if water bottles and tons of batteries and running around like a nut freaking out, will be in my near future or not. Only time will tell.

So tell me, do you guys always cook the same thing or are you all always adding new recipes?? Any that you love?? Share share

Monday, August 22, 2011

Every single weekend for the past month, the kids and I have gone to a resort to rest, relax, and just get away from the routine.

We arrive at this resort at around noon, after I have done laundry and ran errands, we strip down to our bathing suits, run out of air filling out millions of floats and toys and jump in the pool, (The pool is above ground and not a pool that you would expect at a real resort, but its heaven to us), there is a lot of splashing, tons of giggling, funny faces being made and repeated warnings for the toddler to stop drinking the pool water.

There is various calls for "mom look at this, moooom look what I can do". You see the 4 yr old spent 5 weeks and $139 of my hard earned money going to swimming lessons and left not even being able to put his head under water and me devasted. Water is such a big important part of our lives, how will it continue on being if he screams and cries and is petrified??

Well a couple of weeks at this resort with a private coach that has an immense amount of patience and this child can now swim under water, float, jump, splash and is so proud he requires mommys attention every five seconds, and I clap and sing out praises, because serious guys, this is nothing short of a miracle.

After a couple hours of everyone being sun kissed we get out and feast. From delicious bbq ribs that the cook has just perfected, to meat, sausage, chicken legs, chicken hearts, or salmon with some shrimp served over a bed of salad and roasted veggies as a side dish. By the time everyone is stuffed, we lounge around the hammock, sipping our beers, enjoying the 95 degree weather but safe under the shade, we let digestion work itself.

30 minutes goes by, the children have already enjoyed their little area that papa created and are ready to go back to the pool. Who are we to say no?? back we go. By the time 4pm rolls, we are all exhausted, and extremely wrinkly. Time to get out of the pool and dry out, and by this point we know its time. The children are exhausted they don't even argue. We dry them out, go inside for some frozen yogurt, then pack up the car, give everyone kisses and leave the resort only with promises to be back every single weekend.

The 10 minute ride home is the oldest reliving his love for his grandparents and the youngest almost falling asleep. We get home, everyone gets a bath, some dinner, a bit of milk sipping and some cartoons for some half awake children. By 7:30 their eyes wont stay up anymore, I drag them upstairs for night routine, books and bed. As I kissed their sun kissed heads, I thank God for surviving one more weekend without my husband and for the amazing parents I have that makes it all possible.

You see, my parents are truly amazing. They know a lot and its my hope to one day be like them. They own a granite/cabinet business. The creations they make is unbelievable. They are out of this world. We don't agree on a lot, but I am their biggest fan. Being an only child, my children are their only grandchildren, being older and more wiser, they learned with age that they seriously are the best grandparents around. They will laugh and play with them. They will make funny faces over and over again just to get one more giggle from the children. They will roll on the floor with them and are not afraid to get dirty. They spoil them a lot and I try to reign that in, but they know that rolling around on the floor is more important than anything they could buy them, so they do it even more the days they got them an extra toy and know I will say something.

This is my resort :

BEFORE :

DURING:

AFTER

Yes, my resort is in their backyard. The same backyard they built in about 2 weeks with their bare hands. I told you they were awesome, I wasn't lying :)

So, as I tuck my children in bed each and every night, I am thankful. Thankful for some amazing parents that are the kind of grandparents everyone deserves.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

This is our second time around the block. We are almost done with this deployment. To say it out loud that I have been doing this alone for 11 months is mind boggling. No, there is no cliches around here. Time did not fly. I felt every single day of those 11 months and as anxiety is starting to creep up, time is moving even slower.

I would love to sit here and say the 2nd time is easier. I know so many military wives that are gearing up for their second long separation, I wish I had good news to them. But unfortunately I don't. For me, second time wasn't easier at all.

These deployments are like night and day. 1st one was to Iraq, dh was still in the Army, he left the wire every day and did hundreds of dangerous convoys. He left 2 weeks before I gave birth for the first time, came home when ds was 1 week old and then left again and we didn't see each other until 11 months later. I moved in with my parents, then after 6 months was craving my independence, packed up my 6 month old and moved back to Texas on my own. I grew as a person, learned a ton, and just stood on my own two feet.

This time he is a civilian contractor in Afghanistan. He is not allowed to go outside the wire, and asides from the rocket explosions, he is pretty safe. Or safer than before, or maybe that is what I like to tell myself. We now have 2 kids, I have lived on my own this whole time, and his R&R was halfway through. I didn't have to go almost 11 months without seeing him.

Don't get me wrong, in a sense its easier. I am more prepared, know what to expect, and I am more mature. First time I was 25 now I just turned 30 during the middle of it. 5 years is a big difference. Through everything that we have been through, I have grown. This time I knew that the beginning is horrible, the week after R&R is unbearable, and the month before homecoming is out of this world. Knowing what to expect makes it easier because I am nicer to myself.

I will openly cry, I tell my children I miss their daddy, I don't hide anything from them and I give myself a pass. I don't have to have a perfect house and 3 course meal on the table every night without ever shedding a tear. Screw that!!! You can't live like that. If you can more props to you, but I can't. If I don't feel like doing laundry today and tomorrow my kids will have to wear last halloweens costume, so be it. If dinner is grilled cheese, oh well. That doesn't make me any less or any more of a woman or a mother. That just proves I am normal and real.

So to say its easier, nope. Not at all. The pain I have felt this past 11 months is just the same. The hollow sense I have felt without having my best friend around, my partner in life, hasn't changed. The tug of my heart when the children do something cute and he is missing is still there. It's all the same.

We did what we had to do to be where we want to be. We sacrificed a lot and will enjoy the rewards of those sacrifices, but to say it was easier. No way, no how!!!!!!!!!! and for everyone that is gearing up for their 2nd time around the block, I am sorry. My hope and prayers is that somehow its easier for you. Somehow, I truly wish time flies for you guys, and that you can say, piece of cake.

and if it isn't, don't worry. You got me that completely understands it and sometimes that is enough.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

You know mommy wars are rampant. You can't be a mother and never feel the glares or nasty comments about your decisions. Wether they come from family members or friends, or even strangers, it seems like the moment you give birth, everyone has got an opinion about this that and the other thing.

Babies don't come with manuals, so therefore you got to listen to everything and make the decision that is best for you and your child. You end up second guessing yourself and sometimes rocking in dark corner paralyzed with fear because you think you have screwed up your child.

There is so many disagreements from formula vs BM, cloth vs disposable,VAx vs no Vax, staying at home vs going to work, public school vs homeschooling. And so forth. The list goes on and on. I believe democrats and republicans can agree more with each other than mommies can. Its that instinct to take care of this immense gift that you have been given, that you want to care for it, and adore, and do it right.

Well guess what?? You are going to screw up. You are going to regret some decisions. Its life, welcome to it. No one is going to make every correct decision, your child will end up hurting over a decision you made. There is no way around. You can try to ease that pain, but it will happen. And under no circumstances will you make decisions that will please every single mommy you know, so just stop trying. Seriously, I promise you, it will just be a waste of time. Build a thicker skin, research, and make a conscious decision. Don't make decisions based on what your mommy told you, or what you friend did or even what the pediatrician told you to. Dont just believe everyone, research, ask questions, be proactive, and make a decision based on your gut instinct.

I usually try to stay away from the mommy wars. Once in a blue moon I will comment on what I did if a brand new mom is asking, because its overwhelming in the beginning, so to try to help them out, I will mention a thing or two.

I think what has helped me is that I am not 100% passionate about anything. I can understand both sides of the issue when it comes to everything, so that has helped me a ton. I can understand why ppl choose formula over BM, why they circ and why they dont, why they use cloth over disposable and so forth. The only thing I can't really understand and doesn't enter my head is why people will give baby jar food over mashing some bananas or mashing some baby food at home. There is preservatives and crap in those little jars that your baby doesn't need. Once in a while fine, but I have met many children that have been eating food since 5 months old and they don't get a real piece of fruit or meat until well over 1. Everything before is that jar crap.
That never enters my mind. Its cheaper and healthier and so freaking easy, but then again I visit chick fillet often and my children love chinese. MSG anyone?? So I keep my mouth shut about it most of the time.

Well, I formula fed my children. My first and my 2nd. I did it because breast feeding hurt, I felt like a cow, I was clumsy and it just didn't feel natural to me. I tried with both, but after 2 weeks I just couldn't do it. It wasn't for me. I have shed many tears over it because I didn't get to feel this bonding experience that moms that breast feed talk about it and the whole money savings, and everything else. I felt like a failure. I know in my mind BM is better than formula. I am not stupid and got two cents of common sense. Yet knowing all of this, I just couldn't do it. I could have 10 kids and my feelings wouldn't change.

BM is better than formula, but I don't think formula is the devil like so many moms that are able to breast feed like to portray. I wish I could have pulled out my boob and given my child what nature intended. But I couldn't, can't and after many tears shed and many hurt and pain, I have come to terms with my decision. I don't regret it because I know I tried my hardest, and sometimes your hardest is just not good enough.

Well I have a "friend" on facebook that is a major advocate for breast feeding. She breast fed her son, and is currently breast feeding her daughter. She is always posting how BM is better and the tons of science to back it up. Not a big deal, never bothered me. She is not telling me anything I didn't know. She has once rolled her eyes at me and acted superior when she found out I formula fed, she wasn't the first she wasn't the last, I ignored it. She continued on posting pictures of breast feeding her daughter, and when she did it past 1 yr and is still going strong, I congratulated her.

Yesterday, she posted how she is on a new diet, and her new diet plan is to only eat half of her lean cuisine and share the other half with her child. Who is just a little over 1 now. I dropped her. I know immature, but that is the problem when you have a holier than thou attitude, its kind of hard to keep it up. How can you look down on me for formula feeding my children, but then sit there and give them lean cuisine meals that are full of preservatives and all kinds of crap that I can't even pronounced it.
DO I eat them?? You bet. I love their pizza. If I buy a pizza, I over eat, buy buying one of those, it helps me with portion control. But you can bet your bottom dollar, my child has never even touched one. They started off with formula, but pretty soon moved on to 100% home made baby food (I posted a while back about my dad paying over $100 to overnight me homemade baby food on ice because I had just moved into a new place and it was going to take a while to unpack and get everything set and he didn't want me to fall into temptation of easiness and give ds jar stuff), and even to today they eat extremely healthy.

Yeah we know our local chinese restaurant very well, but right now my 2 yr old is sitting here downing a shake made of spinach, broccoli, strawberry, and bananas.

My whole long rant is just a small proof that in the end, it all equals out. You shouldn't look down at anyone or even fight in these mommy wars, because I truly believe, every mom is trying to make the best decision for her child. Even if that decision is completely different than mine. In the end, it will all even out.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I never cared or wanted to buy a house. Before the military I loved apartment living, and even after. I am not a yard person, can easily murder a cactus, and grass and bugs were never my thing. Planting and digging only gave me dirty fingernails, and sweat to drip down my back, nothing therapeutic about that.

Apartment living provided everything I wanted. A comfortable house, big closet, the amenities of the community and sitting on the stairs drinking beer with my neighbors.If something break, they would fix it. I was very happy. We tossed around the idea of buying a condo, but at the time the market was climbing and fast. The cheapest we could get a 1/1 in S Florida was 190K and we knew we didn't want to stay in S Florida.

In come the military, our first duty station was Ft Hood, Texas. We rented a 2/2 apt right off post and it was fine. I got pregnant, dh deployed, moved back in with my parents, then when I moved back to Texas to wait for my hunny bunny, I decided to rent a house. I had a toddler now, a big yard was nice. After cutting the grass every weekend on triple digits temps, I never wanted to live in a house again. Also at 1500 sq feet, it was a lot more to clean and the more space you have, the more you accumulate.

Hubby got home, and we moved on post. He promised to cut the grass, and I was content. The house on post was decent and provided a lot of amenities, like hubby being able to hit the alarm clock 25 times before he was late, coming home for lunch, everything so close by. There were weeks we never left post. Everything from the post office, to our sons daycare, to the gas station, to the grocery store was inside. No need to venture outside.

Our next duty station took us to Ft Bragg, NC. Again we decided to live on post because of hubby being able to come home for lunch, being able to be home in less than 5 minutes after work was out, and with the amount of people working in Bragg, sometimes traffic was nasty in and out of post. We didn't want to deal with none of that.

The market had crashed and it started being a buyers market. We started to get to know the area (Fayetteville has the nickname of Fayet-nam) which were good areas and which were bad, and considering we were promised to be there for 3 years, it felt like the right time.

Don't get me wrong, I was still scared. I have had so many friends buy homes and then get orders to the other side of the US or even outside of the US months later and then they got to deal with renting it out, or trying to sell quickly. Big ol mess that scared us. But we were ready to take the plunge.

hubby busted his knee, got out of the military and life got turned upside down. I was thankful very thankful we didn't buy a home and vowed we woulnd't buy for a very long long time. If ever.

Well time heals every wound and calms every fear. Its been almost 2 years since that "almost buy a home/thank God we didn't" . Very slowly, I started to think about it again, then I bumped into one home improvement blog, then another, then a gorgeous painted dining room that I could never have since my landlord is a jerk, and another beautiful decorated room, and I was hooked. I got bitten by the bug badly. I want a house yesterday.

I have visions of blue kitchens with this tiny gorgeous tile, white cabinets and my father installing my beautiful shinny granite. I have visions of beautiful green and pink bedroom for my daughter and a blue/dark blue bedroom for my son. I have curb appeal ideas, I have watched more videos about how to install hardwood than I care to admit.

I have catalogued hundreds of tips on how to maxime a small space, how to make no sew curtains that will be in my gorgeous dining room, paint already picked, thank you very much. I have watched videos on how to install sliding doors in case you got a small bathroom and videos on how to install a water filter and how to move your washer and dryer to the garage if the case is necessary in order to have a pantry.

I am ready. 100% ready. I know I need a house with mostly tile or hardwood because my dad despises doing flooring, so convincing him to redo my kitchen with granite and the whole 9 yards will be a lot easier than convincing him to change my flooring, even though he could do either in less than a day. He is amazing, out of this world handy like that. 3/2 1500 sq ft with a yard. Because with 2 kids, sunken trampolines and visions of sitting around a DIY fire pit roasting marshmallows has entered my mind.

Who is this person?? I don't know. Honestly. Months ago I didn't have any of the knowledge I have now. I had no idea that paint came in various forms, and that even though quartz is more popular, its still better to go with granite. Oh yeahh every time I see my father I pick his brain. From paint types, to flooring type and everything in between.

Just last week I mentioned to him how this lady did her whole kitchen from Ikea for a fraction of the cost or how this guy did a concrete counter top and how cool that was. Don't worry. He ripped me a new one very fast. My father despise Ikea (won't even step foot inside) and thinks if you are going to do something its better you do it right and of good quality. If not don't do it at all. The concrete countertop he said was half assed (he used a lot more colorful arguments than that) but we will leave it at that.

This knowledge and way of thinking is what has made him very successful and what makes people go gaga over his work. I learned quickly and shifted my thinking to more quality materials and ideas and research.

Dont get me wrong, I am still going to buy a beautiful Ikea chandelier for my dining room, but I wont get their kitchen ;)

Anyways, the point is I am ready, I want a house badly. Its all I think about breath about or talk about. I seriously blame on turning 30, because in my 20's the thought would have had me jump out of my skin with fear, but now its a need and I am kind of happy and ready for the change. The little 20 year old who loved having the apartment complex fix anything that broke, is the same 30 yr old that is asking for some wallpaper and a fixer up. Seriously, I have no idea where she came from, but I am glad she is here ;)

Monday, August 1, 2011

This weekend took us all over the place. I personally wanted to stay in bed until noon and then go eat at a posh restaurant, but God forbid the kids could agree with me without arguing!

What is it with 4 yr olds and their sharp tongues?? The same sweet tongue that says "You are as pretty as a princess mommy" can spew out.."NO I DONT WANT TO...YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING...I AM GOING TO GO WORK WITH DADDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY".

Fun times around here ;)

So saturday morning took us yard selling. I had my map, I had my coffee and I was ready to go. First one we stopped by, had a bunch of kids toys. Usually I buy the kids something small just to keep them happy. This one, I picked up a superman and a little toy that is a box. You wind up the box and a clown pops up. Great. Superhero for Ty...pop up box for Ju. Well they fought over that dang pop up toy for the next 45 minutes. I made them share, I threaten to throw it out, I threaten everything and it didn't help. Almost an hour later I was done. We headed home and they continued on fighting about it. They both loved it so much, so now its residing on top of my fridge. Now I know why the people sold it ;)

After we ate a yummy lunch and headed to Playmobil. Playmobil is a toy company based in Germany. Its like lego with little people. Playmobil land is awesome. 50 cents to get it and you can play all day. There is different stations with all their toys. From castles to pirate ships, to farms. Anything you could possibly imagine. Good place.

(Sorry for the crappy pictures. I couldn't get a good picture at all :( )

Oh and don't let their expressions fool you. They had an awesome time and even after 3 hours they didn't want to come home. Why they look miserable on photo I have no clue..lol

Sunday we headed to church. I have a very hard time finding a church I like. We had an amazing one in Ft Bragg. Ever since we left, I haven't been inside a church. I don't like going without dh and I don't believe you need church to have faith.I go when I want to, when I feel like it. Back at Bragg, I went every sunday because I wanted to be there and loved the church. But lately with all the stress going on I figured I need to go to try to kick this funk.

This is a brand new church that I have heard good things about it. It's a presbyterian gorgeous church right by the beach. The service was good, and the kids had a good time. Tyler said he didn't like the Bible study but couldn't tell me why, so he just hung out at the nursery with his sister. I don't know if I will go back next week or go to a different one. One more thing to add to the list of things I miss. Stability, dh home and a good church.

The rest of the day was just spent chilling. The temps are in the high 90's with over 100' in heat index so we spent at the pool. We have a storm looming that might or might not turn into a hurricane. So we keeping an eye on that.

And ....we are officially in the next month club. I should be jumping for joy right now but I am not. We don't know if we are in the next month club for R&R or for homecoming. Big difference. So that has put a great damper on my mood. I am trying to be positive and have faith but I am struggling. So I spend hours online researching dream homes and decorating ideas.

And cooking. Anytime I am stressed and coming out of a food rut, I will go on a cooking binge. I will cook and bake anything and everything that I can get my hands on. I have fond memories of dh coming home from working walking in the kitchen and eyeing 2 loafs of bread, casseroles, cakes, pies, muffins, and me deep in flour and a whole wreck of a kitchen and just shaking his head and going " Stressed again??"

Sunday i made milkshake for the kids, banana chocolate ice cream (take frozen bananas, scoop of chocolate powder (I use Nesquick because that is what I use) throw it into the food processor and you got a yummy delicious ice cream, pumpkin cheesecake muffins, oatmeal bread, cauliflower mashed potatoes, fruit salad and pasta baked. I also made hummus, sliced and diced avocado, tomatoes and cucumbers for my sandwiches during the week. I was also going to make brownies but I ran out of eggs.