Tuesday, August 28, 2012

From the Editor: Since the MZone is returning after a loooong hiatus and people might not know we're back, if you can kindly pass on a link or a tweet to a friend or 38, we'd sure appreciate it!

Yost

When players and coaches want to learn about their next opponent, they watch and break down game film, studying it for clues. But what if you want to learn about a team's fanbase?

In an effort to help you, the MZone reader, better know the fans of our opponents each week, today we are starting a new feature here called Fan Film Breakdown. In a nutshell, we scour YouTube for videos posted by fans of Michigan's next opponent, then break them down like coaches in order to give you insight into those fans. Sure, it may sound simple, but it takes a keen blogger's eye to really "see the fanbase."

Kicking off the new feature today, we turn our attention to the fans of Michigan's season opener, the Alabama Crimson Tide. Please know that we didn't take this important task lightly. To find out who Tide fans really are, we did meaningful YouTube research that took nearly 25 minutes. Because we didn't want the stereotypes. We wanted the truth. In their own words.

And by God, we found it.

Thus, below is a completely unbiased, totally representative sample of the Crimson Tide fanbase. Watch each video below then check out the Mzone's breakdown after the clip.

CLIP #1: ROLL TIDE BABY

WHAT WE LEARNED:
Judging from the video, being a Tide fan isn't something a child
born with. It must be learned. And if that doesn't work, bribery must
be used

KEY PLAY:
-- "Say Roll Tide, I'll give you another piece of ice."
-- "Get the grass out of his mouth."

CLIP #2: ROLL TIDE GRANDMA

WHAT WE LEARNED:
A Tide fan's love of her team never fades...nor does her love of stripping.

KEY PLAY:
-- "MOM!"
-- "We like to see your face, not your ass."

CLIP #3: JUST TWO PAINTED GUYS

WHAT WE LEARNED:
-- Judging by the same wood paneling in this video and in Roll Tide Grandma, either fans in 'Bama are all stuck in the 1970s or these two groups of folks might be related (or both).
-- Something is seriously wrong with our democracy when these two guys can vote for President of the United States and have said vote count just as much as yours

KEY PLAY:
-- "I don't even have a job."
-- "To summarilize all this stuff together..."

CLIP #4: THE TIDE IS COMING!

Ed. Note: At first we weren't sure if this was real. We thought maybe somebody had broken into Yost's mind, stolen the idea for Fan Film Breakdown before he even had it then gone back in time and posted a fake, parody video of what a bad stereotype of a 'Bama fan might look like - just to see if we could spot a forgery. We must be honest in saying that, after multiple viewings, we're still not sure that's not what happened. Because to admit that the above video and person is a real Alabama fan is actually scarier than the whole breaking into Yost's mind/going back in time alternative.

WHAT WE LEARNED
-- Apparently people really do chew tobacco while not attending a NASCAR race or a Hank Williams Jr. concert.
-- Ned Beatty, please email and let us all know you are safe

KEY PLAY:
-- "Hbwphbrghykeduruv" (or whatever was said around the :24 second mark)
-- "Here's a little story..." followed by 10 second pause as brain reboots
-- "Screw you, bend over and kiss it good-bye cuz this shit ain't gonna be pretty."
-- "Roll Tide, motherfuckers"
-- [spit sound] x347

Well, there you have it, folks. Our first Fan Film Breakdown. Hope you now have a much more complete understanding of what we're up against off the field come Saturday.

The quality journalism provided by this here corner of the Interwebs has been noticed, again, by Brian at MGoBlog as he linked to this post in his Unverified Voracity article today...watch the site hits increase tenfold thanks to your youtube investigative skills.

As an Auburn fan, I love it when bammer plays a legitimate OOC opponent. The video posted here is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the degenerate bunch of lowlife, goat humping, wife beating, dead man worshiping, trucker hat wearing, welfare frauding, GED-flunking, useless, classless, worthless, toothless, cousin fuckers who make up the Turd Nation. They are shitty winners (see: Bourbon Street teabag) and even worse losers (see: herbicide on Toomer's Oaks). And every time they play out of conference, another group of fans learns to hate them as much as the rest of the SEC does. Pretty soon they won't be able to go anywhere outside their meth labs and trailer parks and yell "Roh Tahd!" without someone else yelling "Shut your piehole, you stupid motherfucker!!"

I don't care what the credits in that video Doug posted say, I am convinced that was written and sung by Brian Cook and he just found a better looking guy to lip sync it.

As for this feature, looking forward to it, I think there may be some weeks when you will struggle. Some teams like UMass and Air Force may not give you enough material. You could use Top Gun footage, oh wait, they were Navy avaiators. Well then go with the syndicated cheese of Pensacola: Wings of Gold, starring Mr. Barbara Streisand and featuring exciting stock footage. Or not, they are Navy as well. Baa Baa Blacksheep was based on a Marine Unit. Heck, even the Tailhook Scandal was Navy and MArine Avaitors. Maybe there is a bit for you there, the USAF never gets the TV/Movie love. I think you are the right age to remember Project UFO on NBC in the late 70s. That had a couple Air Force guys.

On the other hand, I have no idea how you will narrow down the stupidity of what ND puts out. Freakbass almost seems too obvious.

And I know my own Buckeye Brethern will give you more than you know what to do with.

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