CHRIS SCHILLIG: Broke with Bill and Hillary

Hillary opened her mouth and inserted not only her foot, but the entire Payless Shoe chain when she commented recently that she and Bill were "dead broke" when they left the White House.

A comedian -- I forget his name -- once noted the difference between being broke like M.C. Hammer or broke like O.J. Simpson. To be broke like Hammer meant honest-to-goodness destitution, as the once-ubiquitous rapper lavishly overspent and truly ran out of money. But to be broke like O.J. meant sipping Perrier and snacking on hors d'oeuvres while searching for your wife's killer on the finest golf courses in America.

The Clintons were definitely broke like O.J., although Hillary and Bill may have felt more kinship with Hammer. In Hillary's mind, they quite likely fled the White House with nothing but the clothes on their back -- but her dress unstained! -- and a few dozen Secret Service men.

Imagine them sitting down with little Chelsea and asking her to be brave, explaining that Daddy had to go on the lecture circuit to put food on the table, pinching pennies while he made millions for speechifying, plus his $150,000-plus annual presidential pension and Mommy's soon-to-be Senate salary of $145,000 a year. (Bill earned $9.2 million for speaking in 2001.)

I hate speaking in public, but for that kind of dough, I could be any speaker that you wanted me to be. For $9.2 million, I'd recite the Gettysburg Address in a diaper while riding upside down on a horse and shooting a cigarette from out of the clenched teeth of my only child. And afterward, I'd sign autographs on cocktail napkins, car windshields, stray cats and breasts until everybody left happy.

And remember, it's not the first time Hillary has exaggerated. Back in 2008, she characterized herself as being under sniper fire on a 1996 trip to Bosnia, a situation that was demonstrably untrue. For that gaffe, The Washington Post awarded her four Pinocchios, named after the puppet with a penchant for growing his nose every time he told a lie.

Of course, while the first lady was visiting Bosnia, another little Pinocchio's anatomy was growing back in the Oval Office, but that stretcher had nothing to do with unrest in Europe.

Speaking of Monica Lewinsky, if the Clintons had really been broke back in '01, think of the money they could have made from an exhibition boxing match between the world's most famous intern and Hillary. The pay-per-view rights alone would have netted them more than any crummy speech, and it would have the extra advantage of keeping Bill off the road, where he could be tempted to stray in hotel hot tubs.

To be fair, the Clintons really were in debt when they exited the White House, but despite the amount -- somewhere between $2.28 million and $10.6 million -- it wasn't the kind of debt that the majority of Americans know. When adjusted for their earning potential, it was more akin to a temporary faux pas, like overspending on the credit card for Christmas and having to trim back on expenses for a month or two. Equating their circumstances with the sort of grinding existence that far too many Americans endure is disingenuous and dangerously out of touch.

All that said, I'd still vote for Hillary for president, if only because she's no more disconnected from the common person than any politician in D.C. No matter how well-intentioned, they tend to fall prey to special interest groups and big money, feathering their beds with lavish speaking fees once their time in office is through.

Maybe presidents ought to be prohibited from accepting ridiculous sums to speak post-White House. If a big piece of the profit is taken away, perhaps we'd end up with a better cut of chief executive all around.

And if one or two of them ended up on the dole as a result … well, that would make for better-selling memoirs, wouldn't it?