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You can get away with living the grimy college life for a few years after graduation, but once the big 3-0 rolls around it's time to get serious about ditching that duct tape-patched Papasan and beer bong. If you're confused about what exactly needs to be retired, no worries! We assembled the definitive list of items you're not allowed to have in your apartment after your 30th birthday.

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13. Makeshift curtains

Unless you want your neighbors to think you're running a meth lab, tear down those sheisty towels over the windows. A simple set of curtains and rods will set you back no more than $10 at a dollar store.

30. Futons

31. Easily replaced broken items

There are zero reasons to keep that that sh*tty old busted mug in the cupboard. Zero. Same goes for any and all pieces of furniture held together with duct tape, or worse, electric tape. Have a little self-respect.

Joe McGauley is a senior editor at Supercompressor. He wrote this from the bean bag in his Red Sox-themed living room.