My dearest fellow art junkies, I feel it’s about time we finish up our European gallerying with a peek and a poke around some of Florence’s art-world hot spots. Over the following minutes (or hours, if you’re a terribly slow reader), I shall show you works from the Palazzo Strozzi (the “De Chirico, Magritte, Max Ernst and Balthus” exhibition, to be precise), the Uffizi Gallery, and the Museo dell’Opera del Duomo. Yes I just switched from English to Italian. What can I say? I’m a talented tour guide.

Please take a moment to turn your mobiles to silent, pick a tour-buddy so that you don’t get lost amongst the paint and alabaster, and make sure you’ve got a chocolate bar on hand. We might need some sustenance along the way.

Edipo Re, by Max Ernst. At the Palazzo Strozzi.

Now, my tour-ees, what do you think of when you see two birds’ heads (one of which has a string attached to its horns), a hot air balloon, a walnut, and fingers that are not only threaded through with metal spikes but are coming out of a building?

The first thing I think of is the Oedipus myth.

Well, what do you know? I’m right. This painting by Max Ernst is a depiction of the tale of Oedipus. It’s really all very clear, once you stop and think about it. What else would birds and balloons and walnuts signify but a man who sleeps with his mother and kills his father?

(Don’t fret if you can’t make the connection as easily as I. This simply shows why I’m the tour guide and you’re not.)

La Plage, by Pierre Roy. At the Palazzo Strozzi.

Next up we have a painting called “The Beach”. In my wise and expert Art Whisperer opinion, I firmly believe that a more apt title would be “Enormous Clown Shoe Made of Woven Plastic That Will Never Biodegrade You Evil Anti-Environment Shoe Company You”. Feel free to write my alternate title down in your notes. It’s a keeper.

Adoration of Camaldoli, by Filippo Lippi. At the Uffizi Gallery.

I believe I’ve mentioned that, in my non tour-guide hours, I am a PhD student in the field of Sociology. What I haven’t mentioned is that I seriously considered switching to Art History so that I could investigate why the majority of depictions of Baby Jesus make him look like an incredibly ugly half-man-half-child creature. Surprisingly, the above is one of the better depictions, so long as you ignore the strangely bulbous and elongated head.

Madonna and Child in the Glory of the Cherubs, by Alessandro Filipepi. At the Uffizi Gallery.

Now do you see what I mean?

La Vierge et l’Enfant, by Giovanni da Modena. At the Louvre (yes, I just space-time-continuum-jumped our tour to Paris and back).

Beware! Alien cows! Don’t let them hit you with their radioactive udders of doom! (Hmm. How did I get from Jesus to dangerous udders?)

Unknown, at the Museo dell’Opera del Duomo.

And here we have the original Side Show Alley Clown. Win a free Virgin Madonna painting if the ball you pop in his mouth rolls out and hits a Gates of Paradise gold panel!

Maddalena, by Donatello. At the Museo dell’Opera del Duomo.

And last but not least, the scariest Mary Magdalene you ever have seen. Moral of this statue-story: Become a prostitute, and you’ll start to look like a corpse. If there’s one thing I want you to remember from this tour, it’s that simple fact.

The End.

(The exit is to your left, people. But do come back someday soon. I might just have some Australian art to interpret for you in the future.)

Oh, that wacky Max Ernst. If you ever get a chance to see an exhibit of his “Semaine de Bonte” (there’s an accent on that last e, but I don’t know how to make them on my Mom’s computer), I’d love to see the Wayfaring Chocolate take on it. And if you have a chance to buy a book with prints of the whole collection, do it. Take it from me, you’ll regret it forever if you don’t.

Your Mum’s computer? CAMILLE, ARE YOU IN AMERICA?! Oh dear heavens, I hope you’re making the most of it and eating all the lovely Americans scrumptious delights we’ve talked about in recent months! Oh, flavoured peanut butter…

I shall endeavour to keep an eye out for that exhibition, and I do apologise for not having any Magritte for you. I wasn’t sure if photos were allowed in this gallery, so I could only take shots when no one else was in the room with me…

Really! The last sculpture is really MM? Thinking myself it has not too subtle overtones of J – surely that square jaw & muscly arms could not be that of a her. Perhaps the artist was confused…, yes, that’s it…. very confused…. 🙂

Definitely Mary Magdalene, but I see what you mean about the masculine overtones! However, as someone who once had an argument about whether I was female or not, I feel rather protective of women who are accused of not looking like women… 😉

You’re the second person to have thought that! Wow! And can I please say thank you for the K&K quote? I just watched the first two seasons with my housemate, for the first time in a few years, and I’d forgotten how great it is!

This is probably going to sound weird, but that’s never stopped me before so here you go.. I was looking at the horribly ugly Jesus in Filipepi’s Madonna and Child in the Glory of the Cherubs, and was struck by how familiar the ugly face was. It really reminded me of someone. And then is hit me: Miley Cyrus.

Filippo Lippi in his adoration of Camaldoli is clearly suggesting that baby Jesus had hydrocephalus. I won’t delve too far into my religious views in this forum- but this could shine a whole new light on things.

actually I was looking at a lot of these artworks thinking of what they might do to you in an episode of Dr Who? imagine alien cow after alien cow jumping out of the mouth of the giant clown – very scary stuff!

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About

Hannah. Writer, editor, firm believer in socks, gin, laughter, buttered toast, cheesecake, and semicolons. Currently back in Canberra after two years living in Canada; heart tingling to see what happens next.