Resources, personal stories, communication techniques, and strategies for survivors of sexual abuse who are ready to break free from the past and return to their genuine self.

August 3, 2015

Feeling the Weight of the World…Alone

I am so excited to partner once again with David Pittman of together-we-heal.org. This month is all about male survivors, and so I'm very grateful to David for sharing his perspectives in this series.

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Over
the last 3 years I have had the good fortune of working with an amazing
advocate for survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and someone who has
become more than just a colleague, but also a valued friend: Ms. Rachel
Grant. So when she asked if I would write two articles and do a
tele-seminar together, as we have in the past, it was my honor to say
“yes”.

As
a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, it has been an arduous path of
pain and healing. For over 35 years it has felt as though there have
been many more “downs” than “ups”.

While
I could spend an entire article just listing the challenges associated
with the trauma of childhood sexual abuse; for me there were two major
issues that caused the most tribulation and confusion.

The
first was feeling as if I were completely alone. I thought for so long I
was the only person this crime was perpetrated against and therefore it
was on me alone to “deal with it”.

The second was the confusion a young boy feels when sexually abused by a man.

Today we’ll start with the first…

…feeling totally alone.

Although
feeling alone is not unique to male survivors, it is only from this
perspective that I can speak. So I promise to talk openly and honestly
about my own journey.

But
before I begin discussing the challenges associated with abuse I want
to first let all know who are reading this, that there is light at the
end of the tunnel…and it’s not an oncoming train.

Hope
and joy can be attained. It won’t always be easy, but if you work with
the right folks, and believe that those who have gone before you mean
what they say, healing awaits.

So
let’s talk about that most awful of feelings, being alone. And I don’t
mean loneliness. While in and of itself, loneliness can feel horrible,
it’s not quite the same as “feeling alone”. It incorporates so much
more. It’s a feeling of betrayal and dismissal. It’s as if the whole
world is moving along, happy and well. And you have been left behind,
utterly abandoned.

Additionally,
you feel isolated and different from everyone else around you. You see
others around you leading “regular”, happy lives but you feel different
and separate from everyone due to the abuse.

As I wrote once before about this topic, “Feeling
Alone, it’s a familiar feeling. It’s altogether too familiar. As a
survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I struggled for decades with it. I
had it twisted around me like a straight-jacket of discomfort. The
result was a never-ending quest for love and acceptance in all the wrong
places with none of the right people.”

Here at “Together We Heal”, we work to provide support groups and counseling to fellow survivors. And whenever we get a call or email, or are contacted in any way, the VERY FIRST thing we say is…you are NOT alone. We are here for you, with
you and will be as long as you will allow us. The reason for this is
because of what I mentioned earlier, my own feelings of being alone.
Once I finally came forward, I learned a couple of important factors.

The
first thing I learned was that I wasn't the only little boy to be
sexually abused by the same man. This person was my minister, and was
therefore trusted by myself, my family and all who knew him. In 1981
when the abuse began, there were no talk shows about it, no news stories
reporting it, no support groups that I could open up to. Hell, I didn’t
even know what to call what was happening to me because I had never
heard the words “childhood sexual abuse”.

And
the second was that others, both men and women, told me they had the
same feelings. Once I was told the truth about childhood sexual abuse;
that I wasn't alone, it was then I felt as though a weight the size of
the world on Atlas’ shoulders was finally lifted from my own.

And
that was the turning point for my own healing. Once I learned I didn’t
have to carry this burden alone, and that others would help me, it was
then I finally understood the meaning of the word “hope”.

More
than anything it is my “hope” that everyone who reads these posts or
listens to when Rachel and I talk on her show, is that you can KNOW that hope and healing are a reality, and
if she and I can have and live it, you can too!

Please…reach out, tell someone…we will be here for you.

Next
week we’ll discuss a topic that so many male survivors struggle with
but don’t feel the ability or freedom to talk about, the sexual
confusion caused when abused by a man.

David
spent years on a healing journey that continues to this very day. This
led him to seek out groups specifically for men as well as those who had
been through a similar trauma and ultimately inspired the foundation of
Together We Heal, an organization focused on providing counseling and
guidance for those who have suffered the trauma of childhood sexual
abuse.

As
the Executive Director of TWH, David works to educate the public
through speaking and collaborating with other groups to raise awareness
and expose the sexual predator's methods. TWH now works with therapists,
counselors and groups aiding both men and women in their efforts to
heal, grow and thrive. He is also the South Florida Area Support Group
Leader for SNAP, Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests.

TWH follows the saying, "one person might not be able to change the world, but you can change the world of one person."