Scarred for Life: The Lesson No Parent Can Afford to Skip

Getting Fit NOW or Never on Facebook posted this photo explaining that this young woman had allowed her boyfriend to tattoo his name on her face as a sign of her love. By the way, his name is Rus, not Bus.

The comments summarized what I initially thought of this decision: dumb! Definitely one of those dumb ways to live I have discussed earlier. But I couldn’t get this picture out of my head.

Why I Couldn’t Stop Thinking About This Picture

You don’t have to be a psychologist to know that this poor girl is going to regret her decision. The guy will cheat on her or dump her. Beginning a new relationship will be very difficult. Who wants to bring home the girl with another guy’s name on her face? But maybe I’m too pessimistic. She could beat the odds and stay with her boyfriend for life–maybe even get married. But her life is still ruined. People will always assume she is a reckless rebel, even if she matures. She could get the tattoo removed, but will be scarred for life.

Why Every Parent Needs to Save This Picture

Not one of the thousands of commenters on Facebook applauded what this girl did. They all thought it was stupid! But there is something our children may choose to do that will scar them for life that WOULD be applauded by the majority of people on Facebook and even the majority of people in your church: have sex outside of marriage.

Pam Stenzel warns young women that while a guy they sleep with may be able to walk away from premarital sex without a devastating sexually-transmitted disease, they aren’t likely to have the same fate. One in four young people today has an STD and many of these diseases aren’t curable. Among those that are, many have no symptoms and aren’t treated. The consequences include potential infertility, cancer, and even death.

I share with 8th graders at my church that while it IS possible they can have premarital or extra-marital sex and not be scarred physically, they cannot avoid the spiritual scarring. Andy Stanley teaches that every person we have sex with takes a little bit of our soul. Why? The Bible teaches that sex creates one person out of two (Gen. 2:24). To demonstrate this, I have sealed an envelope. Then I attempt to unseal what I have made into one, representing a break-up or divorce. There are pieces left behind. In other words, try to separate from someone you’ve been made one with and you’re scarred for life.

I urge you to share this picture with your older child and talk about the scarring we experience when we have a physical relationship with someone we’re not married to and walk away. For girls, it’s like having a guy’s name tattooed on your face and then being rejected. (Please pray for this poor young woman.) For guys, it’s like tattooing your name on a girl’s face and leaving her scarred physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

What Other Resources Do You Recommend for Teaching Your Kids Purity?

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18 Comments

Kris
on February 8, 2013 at 1:52 pm

Good reminder. Thanks for sharing. And to think she fell in love with him in 24 hours and did this atrocity?

My wife and I teach on this subject. I introduce my kids to support my points.
We have 4 children 23 to 16.
All 4 are ‘A’ students, musicians, and nationally ranked athletes. All are leaders in any group they join. All spontaneously express love to their parents and each other with hugs and kisses daily. NONE has ever been on a date.
The 2 eldest (both girls) are now at the Olympic Training Center training for 2016. The eldest just graduated Magna cum Laude with dual degrees in Economics and History.
I could go on feel free to check them out here: http://www.gravesjudo.com (click on the names in the upper right corner)
SO here is a rough outline of what any parent can do to have exemplary kids:

Now to be honest we have never read it. I scanned parts of it after I was told by a few ppl that we raised our kids just as the Pearls did and that I was teaching the same principles they do. They are serious Christians who understand that GOD them with children and they will answer to HIM for what they do as parents, so that’s means we are in accord with most everything they teach.

#1 No sleepovers (ask most adults what they got up to at sleepovers). Don’t allow them to go into any child’s house that you don’t known inside and out(so almost never). When they play (mostly in your yard) keep a door or window open to listen. Make your kids enforce good behavior and language on all visiting kids. IF they don’t they are punished. As they do this they learn to stand for what is right, become leaders, and overcome the great crippler “fear of man”.

#2 (VERY IMPORTANT) Never EVER allow you children to have a computer, TV or Phone that can access the net or sent images anywhere but in your full view. There is almost no rational for a kid to have a phone till college and if they have not made the choice to stay in the light by then they will have to learn the hard way.
All of our computers (incl mine) are faced toward the family area.

#3 Preview EVERYTHING you allow the kids to see. We required 1 hour of reading (outside of school reading) for an hour of TV or video game. Choose their books. No pop kid series garbage. Us it to push their vocab etc.

#4 If you want healthy happy secure children who can
succeed in a tough world then MAKE THEM TOUGH. Do not cater to any flaws or fears. Make them face there fears. I had one afraid of basement crickets so I made him take a flashlight and a jar and catch me 10. I told him I heard him crying or making noise I’d spank him. In about 10 minutes he was over the fear. A daughter became afraid of the dark and was made to go up alone and get ready for bed before her siblings with NO LIGHT. After 3 days it was over.
#4 STOP cutting your children slack!
Tell them what you expect and if they do even a shade less punish.

#5 STOP underestimating their intellect. We never ever had a single “terrible two” incident. Those are because parents allow the frustrations of the child to be expressed wrongly. Kids that small understand MOST of what is said and yet they can’t express themselves very well. If you allow fits, whining, complaining, sighing or rolling of eyes you are encouraging rebellion and disrespect and YOU are making their future life tougher…not to mention everyone’s present life.

We homeschooled till college and can only imagine how much tougher getting great kids would be if we have to try and undo the influence of the hopelessly corrupted public schools. You’ll have to work a great deal harder if you don’t keep them home.

There is so much more to say but I’ just touch on the issue of punishmant:
I don’t threaten We tell them If you do this you will get spanked. If they did. then they got is. What is wrong is to threaten and NOT follow through.Once a child KNOWS that you mean what you day, no deferments, not excuses, they will do as you tell them.
Jody – your is a bit deceptive isn’t it?
That’;s not ALL the word discipline means is it? So let’s not be dishonest shall we? And let’s not forget the Word says more than that one word. Let’s GOD’s smiting of Eli. Also look up “Thy rod and thy staff ” means esp the “rod” and what the shepherds used it for. LASTLY read this (if you care about the truth that is) http://bit.ly/12rnm4h
Garty and Stecve I don’t know with whom you agree and “amen” but if it’;s
Dwight L Moody the famous minister who stated the college had an amazing mother. She understood that when she lost her husband she had to be tough=h. She was interviewed by the Chicago Sun Times because the whole world was amazed that all 8n of her kids turned out to be world leaders. They asked her her secret. She said “DO not let a child have a will of it’;s own. Children are foolish and will always fo things that are stupid and destructive to their own nature. If a child shows and will I beat it out of them. When they prove they can be trusted and show character I allow their will to come forth. Moody recalled the time he told her it didn’t hurt and commented, “That was the last time that it didn’t hurt.”

When you spank you spank to break their spirit of self will. Don’t spank till they are mad. And ALWAYS explain before you do, express your sadness at having to do it, and love and restore them afterward. Some children break and cry at a verbal rebuke, some have to be whupped good. My 3rd child was reading before he was 2, and he garnered more spanking than the other 3 put And he deserved every one he got. H is now 19 and a yr from his masters degree in engineering and still hugs and kisses our cheeks and spontaneously hugs both of us and says “I love you”. So you just go ahead and tell me how doing what GOD’s word says damages kids why don’t you?
The world has a long LONG history of ppl who though they knew better than GOD and his word…that’s why this country is going down the toilet right now. Idiot so called Christians” who actually believed they could vote for this islam loving, abortion supporting, pervert promoting, marxist

So to all of you who think I, the Pearls, Mrs Moody, etc are wrong I challenge you to go and look at the fruit of others who raised kids exactly the way you think was right and see if they got the results we did.
This nation became the greatest in the world when our way was the prevailing and accepted way. And every single step away from it has caused MASSIVE social problems. Every single leftist so called “liberal” doctrine has has horrid fallout. WHY? Because “liberalism” is predicated on two things: #1 The denial of human nature, And #2 the denial and/or ignorance of history! The man who started the “no corporal punishment” theory and raised his kid that way got to see his child commit suicide. My kids talk those kids off the ledge. GO and ask ANY psychologist, family counselor, or minister which type of ppl are the most screwed up #! Those who had drunk abusive parents who beat them for no good reason, or #2 those who never got spanked and were allowed to have free will. EVERY SINGLE ONE will tell you it is the #2 group BY A MILE!

Now let’s use some logic here: If kids beaten wrongly are much ,es a mess than those who are given completely free will this should tell anyone with deductive reasoning skills some thing. The less discipline you hind out the worse it is. The tighter the limits (within reason) the better. Kids don’t have to misbehave …why is it you think they do? Do you have to misbehave…do you? Well neither do they. So if you set limits to even the slightest misbehavior and ENFORCE THEM you give this child you claim to love a GREAT HUGE MASSIVE ADVANTAGE over his peers. Self control, self-assurance security in his own mind and person, Maybe you just don’t want your kids to be better than you. I DO! Maybe your just to darn lazy to do what is best for them. Maybe you feel guilty making them act better then you do…get over it you are being selfish if so. It’s hard to stop being what you were all your life. It’s way easy to never start at all.
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline.

And finally…if you have made it this far, you need even more help. We must never ever forget our warfare is NOT against flesh and blood. As real as GOD is so to are satan and his minions. They works relentlessly against we who are GOD’s. It’s why “Preachers kids” are renown for being hellions. It would be almost impossible to emphasize this point to strongly. You MUST be willing to enter into spiritual war to defend your charges. When CHRIST walked as a man HE set us an example. He ministered deliverance MORE than all other miracles combined. When he sent out the 1st group of minsters he only told them to do ONE thing…deliverance.
If you don’t know about this then I suggest you find and read a copy of “DELIVER US FROM EVIL” by Don Basham

You’re obviously passionate about helping other parents. I appreciate that you shared in such detail. We can’t guarantee that our children will always walk with the Lord or avoid sin, but we are called to train them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Then we pray, pray, pray. Thanks for commenting.

Crista
on April 29, 2016 at 4:42 pm

While I agree strongly with most everything you said and believe that we would be fast friends in real life.. I do want to mention teaching grace and loving and cherishing every moment of your child’s time.. There is quite a lot of “punishment” in your post and not a lot of love or reaching out to your kid’s soul.. I find that 20 minute bedroom chats right before bed one on one are a very easy way to connect and show your child you care about them.. The time with them passes and you may wish you had held them and invested a bit more into their soul if you stick with this parental prescription only. ♥️ love , discipline and teach Jesus Christ and his words. ?

The opportunity to spend the majority of my time loving and talking with my children is why I homeschool. It is important to keep conversations about purity in the context of grace. Thanks for your comments.

Isn’t it though? It’s what strikes terror in the hearts of mothers everywhere–that our children could make an irreversible mistake.

Onedayatatime
on February 12, 2013 at 2:24 pm

Some homeschoolers at Patrick Henry College (this is where Michael Farris of HSLDA is… He appears in a couple of scenes) produced and acted in a very well done film called Come What May. While the overt theme is the sanctity of life, defended in a Moot Court situation, there is an undercurrent of purity that is unmistakeable. Though first viewed several years ago, the film, and the discussions it led to, have had a profound effect on my teen and his viewpoint toward purity.

I like this analogy SO much better than the dirty tooth brush one or the chewed up candy bar one. The message that sex leaves you dirty is so harmful, especially to the 25% of girls who have suffered from sexual abuse. Our purity is in Christ not the status of our virginity (as a married woman I felt so dirty from sex because of the analogies I mentioned, I hated announcing pregnancies for that reason). I love scarred so much more. I’ve been praying on how to address our teens at church because of how I was so hurt from “purity” teachings.

I hadn’t heard the other analogies. I can absolutely understand how you would like this analogy better, but I wouldn’t want anyone to think that “scarred” meant ugly, just wounded. You’ve reminded me to consider how others will think about posts like this one. Thank you and blessings on your teaching at church.

Andrea B
on May 6, 2015 at 9:03 pm

I agree that sex is like this for girls, but I disagree that it is not as scaring for boys.

Boys get STD’s, too, boys father children they aren’t ready for, boys are spiritually scarred…sex before marriage is just as damaging for boys as for girls, though the impact on girls can be more obvious outwardly (pregnancy, infertility, etc.).

I agree, Andrea. I didn’t mean to suggest that boys don’t get STDs and aren’t scarred. I think they are, though I think many men don’t realize the impact of these prior relationships on them emotionally and physically. Thanks for your comments.

Andy
on May 12, 2015 at 9:25 pm

To call this girl stupid is incredibly insensitive. This girl could be in a controlling, abusive relationship that she is trapped in or/and have a mental illness!