Acknowledging A Person’s Crossing Without Mourning

So the last couple of days have been extremely difficult as the smooth entrance to the new year seems to now be over. There has been some extremely difficult news over the last couple of days, the least of which is the passing of someone I formerly had a familial relationship with. This has drug up some old memories for me, and made me really look at the concept of mourning the passing of those we know and how we deal with the loss, or if we even consider their death as a loss at all.

As many of you may remember from last couple of years, there were many losses, including the loss of a dear friend of mine. I still shed tears about her passing, but I know that her Soul still exists (we still converse across planes – our first conversation after her passing was a continuation of a joke we shared towards the end of her life!). I love and miss her physical presence dearly, but I know that she is in a better place.

Many many years ago, while I was in college I had a theater teacher who wrote one of the most amazing plays I have ever seen. I only saw it once, and am aware of only one copy of a vhs tape with the play on it. Since then, I have always wanted to perform it (or see it performed) again. The play was titled “Eulogy”, and as you might expect, it dealt with various people at a funeral discussing the person who had died. Only, the speeches given during the play were not the loving speeches we have come to expect, talking about how great and wonderful the person was. Rather, they were speeches about the truth of this person’s life, how bad a person he was. It was a beautiful play, and spoke volumes about how we choose to see people as soon as they pass away.

A few years later, a family member of mine died. He and I did not have a good relationship. At age , I disowned the relationship, and only tolerated him around when I had no other choice. As an adult, my mother protected me and refused to let him have any information regarding my whereabouts or what was going on in my life. I have always been grateful for that, and to this day I still am. When he died, I was relieved. Very much so. There was no mourning, no tears, no being upset. To this day, I feel that the world is a better place without him. And it’s ok that I feel that way.

Today, I can say that the person who recently passed away, I hope she has found peace, but I can say in all honesty that I believe that the world is a better place without her as well. In a previous post she was mentioned very briefly (by her actions), and it is because of those actions and choices that I can say what I am saying now. I have not seen or spoken with this person in over 20 years, so there is no emotional connection to her. Before, during and after the time that I knew her, she was a drain on society, her family and had many issues she chose to not deal with. I forgive her wholeheartedly, and know that on her Soul’s rebirth, she has a new chance to learn and grow, if she chooses to take the opportunity. But I also acknowledge that, just like before, I do not have to cry for someone I did not love.

Today’s post isn’t about judging those who have crossed over, or taking the opportunity once they have left this plane to condemn the dead. Rather, it is an opportunity to openly acknowledge that just because someone we know passes away, it does not mean that we have to mourn. We can acknowledge them, pray for them, know that they are in a better place. But we are not required to cry for them, or feel bad that they are no longer with us.