If the child begins to expect or demand too much from others without exercising reasonable independence and initiative, self-pampering has probably begun. This mistaken direction can be a response to either pampering or neglect from adults.

Sophia de Vries frequently quoted Adler comment that "you could safely pamper only a very few people without doing them harm." Some psychologically healthy people occasionally enjoy but do not exploit such treatment--they also are ready to reciprocate (two such people in love might easily do this).

Pampering a passive-dependent or demanding child, actually disables them for life outside the family. A parent who is actually not very loving might try to cover up that deficiency by overindulging a child. Adults who feel painfully unloved by any adult, might imagine that their pampered child will provide the missing affection. Eventually they come to a disillusioning discovery of the superficial and conditional affection of a pampered child.