Mum leaves newborn to catch a movie – causes online furore

A group of mums on a U.K. forum became keyboard warriors recently when a fellow mum posted innocently about enjoying a movie with her five-year-old daughter while leaving new bub with Dad. But that wasn’t her biggest mistake – it was that she didn’t miss her son enough, according to some.

“I have a daughter who is nearly 5, and a son who is 11 days old,” wrote Xuli on Mumsnet. “This morning my daughter and I went to the cinema with friends, so we were out for about three hours. My son was at home with my husband while I was out. It was lovely to spend time with my daughter. Most people seem to say they could barely leave theirs for an hour when they were weeks old. I’m wondering now if it’s weird I was so happy to leave a newborn?”

Navel gazing about her own lack of maternal guilt had mums getting snarky.

“I think it’s quite sad that at 11 days old you didn’t even think about whilst away from him tbh,” typed TwistAndShout.

“I think it’s strange. I haven’t left my 6 month old yet but I’m sure plenty of people would find that odd! Everyone is different. I couldn’t do it. I also have an older child,” said Katienana.

Some were a little more passive-aggressive with 5minutestobed posting, “11 days is pretty early but if you’re comfortable with it, then it’s fine.” Some mums were as flabbergasted as Xuli, with BubbleGumBubble noting, “It was 3 hours not 3 days. I think it’s sad that women are judged for not thinking of the newborn every second of the day.”

Mid-wife and child health nurse, Jane Barry, says criticising other parents has become a competitive sport for some. “What we need to remember is most parents who are rational, kind and capable of free thought, are able to make their own informed and very good decisions about what’s right for them and their baby.” Number one it’s about what’s comfortable for individual parents.

According to Barry, there’s the other child to consider. “The mum was seeing a movie with her daughter, not going away for a weekend with girlfriends. The daughter might be saying, ‘Mummy I never see you. You’re spending all your time with the new baby,’ – you don’t know what’s going on.”

Barry reminds us that Xuli left her baby with most probably a perfectly capable other parent. “Some mothers in this newborn period think they’re the uber parent. They become the gatekeeper and restrict the access of the other parent.” Although it’s based in strong biology that mothers need to be physically and emotionally close to their newborns, “it doesn’t do anyone any favours.”

The only issue here? “You don’t want to introduce a bottle to a baby in the early weeks if you’re establishing breastfeeding.” But this whole issue of criticising other mothers and the decisions that they make, there’s no room for it, she says. “Unfortunately, maternal guilt is the gift that keeps on giving.”

When did you first leave your newborn for an outing? Did you feel guilty?