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Monday, July 2, 2012

No, We Were Never Trying For A Girl

So if you're living under a rock, ha not aware that I have three boys, I have three boys. No girls. And quite frankly, this situation suits me (and Nate) juuuust fine. I've never had the desire for a daughter. I'm fine living with all these guys, surrounded by all these penises and farts. It's like the frat house I never got to live in in college.

People, upon learning that we have three boys, frequently ask if we were trying for a girl or wanted girls. My answer is always a solid "no", and depending on the situation or my mood, I might even mention that we weren't trying for kids, period, when I've gotten pregnant. (This is sometimes followed with the quip, "You DO know how you got pregnant, right?" and sometimes I'm tempted to answer in a deadly serious way, "No. How? We've been wondering.")

I have these three awesome boys and I've never looked back. Except once, shortly after Brandon was born and my tubes were tied. I was at a friend's house and her daughter was about one. We were sitting at their table together and I watched this little girl with her pretty little dress and her little blonde alfalfa piggy tail eating her food and staring at me with her giant eyes (probably wondering why I was staring at her) and I felt a little pang. It was the realization that I was never, truly never, going to have a little girl in cute little dresses and adorable little piggy tails running around, terrorizing her brothers and turning her father homicidal come dating time. And me suicidal come drama time.

And then, I remembered all the reasons why I am more comfortable with boys and never desired a daughter and I got over it. The pang lasted about 2 minutes.

Because of my diaper cake business, I am always on the prowl for baby girl and boy clothes/onesies. I constantly see the super cute girl clothes and am totally immune to their adorableness.

THEN. The other day I walked into a store and I saw this and I felt the jabs of a hundred knives in my chest, knowing that I'm never going to see my little girl in it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's not even that cute it's fucking ADORABLE. But, I loved it, and I can't believe that a stupid adorable outfit, for a brief moment, actually made me sad that I don't have a girl. And the outfit was way cuter in person. The colors were brighter, not so faded-looking. My cell phone camera washed it out (Whaaat? Nooo...).

Clearly, I'm having some emotional issues and need to drink more wine, more often.

And I guess this was a good thing. If the only reason I feel sad (and for only a minute) that I don't have a girl is because I can't put her in a cute outfit, not for any kind of important reasons, then it's a very, very good thing I do not have one. Or three. (Oh God.)

What about you? What are your thoughts on the gender(s) of your child(ren)?

22 comments:

When I first found out I got knocked up about 3 months ago I was really hoping for a boy. But now I'm hoping for a girl because it will be easier in a few years to talk the Boyfriend into having a second child. I'm afraid without that excuse he'll be all "Nah, we've got one, no more". And I was an only child and I hated it, so I always swore to myself that as long as I could I'd have more than one baby. Who knows. I won't really cry about it either way, I really will be happy as long as tiny human is healthy.

Well you only have about two months until you can find out, maybe less!! Hoping for a healthy baby for you, Amy! (And success in having another; it'll be nice to have a playmate/partner-in-crime for this babe!)

I always wanted a lil boy. knowing if I got my wish he would be mine, the way my sister and I were my dads.

And during my pregnancy, my husband just knew it was a boy. We picked out names for both, and we swore we would be happy either way (just plz God let them be healthy). When the tech told us it was a boy we cried with excitement. Because we could call him by name and everything look perfect again. but there was also this lil part of me that was sad to know I wouldn't have a daughter to see turn into a woman and all that comes with that. Plus I also knew that meant I could kiss a quiet home goodbye!

Now that my lil man is here I'm thrilled to have the son I always wanted. exhausted, but thrilled

When "we" got pregnant, we both wanted a girl. Me because I grew up in a female-centric household and didn't know the FIRST thing about boy-ness; He because he was an absolute shit as a kid and wanted to avoid the karmic retribution of having to parent a son such as himself!!

Throughout pregnancy, my prayer was as such:Dear Lord, please let this baby be healthy. And if you have time, please let the baby be a girl...and if it's not too much to ask, please let her have curly hair. Thanks!! Love you!!

When we were at the ultrasound and the tech told us that we were having a girl, Mr. Husband Man & I high fived and I shouted, "Way to throw those X chromosomes!!!!" (The tech, bless her, was a demure East Indian woman. In retrospect, I'm fairly certain that we horrified her. God forgive me, but it was my moment.) When our very healthy straight-haired Baby was born, I gave thanks to God while humming Meat Loaf's Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad.

Flash Forward 12 years: puberty begins and my daughter's hair goes curly!!!! (She also starts crying jags, moodiness, cramps, eye-rolling, and the occassional crap attitude....but I was already doing that so it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.) The point is, I had to get on my knees and apologize to my Creator for stupidly holding Him/Her to my earthly timeline. We are blessed. Everytime I brush a rogue curl out of my daughter's face, I'm reminded to be careful about what I pray for and to be specific...because I might just get it.

I really, truly, honestly did not care if it was a boy or a girl...UNTIL I found out it was a girl, and then I was SOO happy it was a girl. And I really didn't think I had a preference, but I think I would have felt the same way if it had turned out to be a boy...? One of our friends said, "I'm so happy you're having a girl, we were really routing for it to be a girl for you guys!" Which I thought was SUPER strange (especially since she has a boy & a girl...does she love her girl more?). Why would she and her husband be "routing" for us to have a girl? If we were showing no preference, why on earth would they?

So now that we're talking about kid #2, and we have girl babies all figured out (ha! yeah right), my husband is hoping for another girl (I can't lie, it is freaking adorable - and surprising - how much he loves having a little girl). It would be easier on the wallet, we have plenty of girl stuff...but a boy sure would be fun, too.

Thanks for sharing, Julie! Maybe your friends wanted someone to give their girl stuff too? Maybe they thought you'd be better suited to parent a girl? Maybe they want to arrange a marriage for their son? Ha, yeah, who knows why they wanted you to have a girl.

It definitely makes sense to have another girl (like you have a say in the matter), but yes, a boy would be fun and add an entirely different dynamic. And if you do have a boy, you got it easy with having the girl first, because little girls LOVE to help at being little mamas!

So true, I have 2 nieces (6 & 4 years old) who LOVE being little mamas to my daughter...even though she's getting a little big (she's huge) for being treated like a baby doll now. And I really think our friend wanted us to have a girl because secretly she never wanted a boy (I'm not even kidding!)!

I wanted a boy. Desperately. I also want a girl. Desperately.However, I think I just desperately want children plural, not just one.

H is an adorable porkchop of a baby boy, and I soooo want him to have a brother. But I want him to have a sister too. But I only want to have 2 children (your scare tactics worked, friend!). I had an older brother. Then I got two more, via my stepdad. My stepbrother's relationship is tight. So was mine and my brother's (he has passed). So, I'm not sure if there's a major difference to the kids (because they wouldn't know either way what the other is like, would they?).

I used to wish I had a sister, but now... maybe I like the fact that I'm my parents' only daughter.

I want a daughter so I can have the same relationship I have with my mother (now) with her. And just gloss over the teen years.

i would be happy with a house full of boys. the dog is a girl, and that's enough for me! i have a son and would love for him to have a wingman. especially with the outdoorsy small-engine mechanic husband i have, it will be nice for the boys to go fishing for the day, or go four-wheeling for the day, or weekend, or month... and for my husband to tell someone (anyone!) else about the motor on that boat that just went by, or the trailer full of dirt bikes that they saw on the way to work, or the fish they caught, or that sweet frickin' deal on craigslist. it's not that i don't care about those things, it's just that i don't give a $!*#. ;) boys are so simple to understand, and there's only enough room for one b---- in my house (and the dog is already crowding me). ;) just kidding (or am i?) in all seriousness, though, i would be honored to have the blessing of a daughter. all i want is healthy babies, and it would be cool to experience raising a girl and a boy. only God knows!

Oh, Katie, you are speaking my language! One of the main reasons I wanted boys is because I can leave many things to Dad to take care of for them (especially the puberty stuff... *shudder*) and they can go off and do their things while I get some alone time. Of course, that's not to say that I don't love playing baseball with them in the yard, because I do, and lots of other things, but I'm just stoked to be able to share more of those things with their dad. I totally understand everything you said, thanks for sharing!

You know my stance on this subject. However you really put it into perspective for me. After all, they are just clothes and head bands and barbies!!! Yeah, I guess I still want a girl. But I do love my boys. Thanks for the blog. Good read.

I wanted a girl... I really really really wanted a girl. I spent years telling people that if I had a boy I would send him back - "return to sender" :) BUT then I actually got pregnant and realized that I had a very good chance of having a boy (50% or something like that right ;) and so I had to start back-tracking! My line was "Honestly, now that I'm pregnant I don't care at all, I just want a baby to love"... and it was complete crap. I wanted a GIRL, damnit! I also grew up in a very "female centric" family and had absolutely no idea what I would do with a boy. I was convinced that I just needed a girl for the first one - all the others could be boys but I needed the girl first because I would have some sort of familiarity with a girl and since becoming a parent was going to blow me off my ass anyways, I felt the gender familiarity would be essential.

In my head I knew my little mind games and lies weren't working and I was TERRIFIED of being disappointed if it was a boy. I dealt with major guilt thinking I had already failed as a Mother. I kept telling everyone "I totally think its a boy" and "Oh yeah, its definitely a boy"... I looked up all the old wives tales and confirmed over and over that it was a boy. Then I fell IN LOVE with a boy's name and really started to come around... then I fell IN LOVE with a girl's name - damn it all!

Fast forward - the midwife hands me the baby (which shocked the hell out of me - what the hell are you doing lady? What am I supposed to do with this slippery and bloody thing?) and says "Check out what you got" and Praise the Good Lord in Heaven .. I got a girl! :) And I was shocked -- dumb founded even. I guess my mindtricks did work afterall and I really was expecting a boy. We spent 15 minutes just staring at her and saying over and over again "I can't believe she's a girl".

Now thinking of Number Two and I really hope its a boy this time! I really want to use that amazing name (lol) and I want the experience of raising both... bring on the boys... cuz I already got my little girly! (who by the way has the most DELICIOUS blond curls and I totally get the Mommy's prayer from an earlier comment - I also wanted it bad!)

my first, now 4, almost 5 yr old is a girl....and she is a crazy person...i dont know what it is but apparently her teenage years have already begun. I don't know what I will do in the future if she gets any crazier/more dramatic...at the moment i am glad her siblings are boys, but i have #4 on the way and we aren't finding out. husband says wouldn't it be great for riley to have a sister, but i don't know. i may not survive another girl! either way, we'll manage, haha, and just hope for healthy baby! -fallon :o)