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You don’t love him, you drift back mostly for the (false) security of having a boyfriend.

Meanwhile, he’s stuck there. Neither of you are even trying to move forward with your lives.

Do you know if he’s self-medicating his depressed state with excess drinking or drug use while alone?

If you have any real feelings for him, become his friend, not his girlfriend. Insist that he see his doctor about his depression and also get counselling for any other anxieties or addictions contributing to it.

Urge him to get pro-active about finding another job, and addressing his state of mental health and fitness.

Then, stop holding onto him as your “fall-back boyfriend.”

Last Christmas, my younger son decided to get his three siblings to chip in to replace my old, broken favourite chair. He chose one I didn’t like and an inconvenient delivery date, so I upgraded the chair (by $400) and set a new delivery date. He was annoyed by this and hasn’t spoken to me since. His wife graciously tried to keep me connected with their young children. We were close, and I babysat often.

Recently, there was a religious ceremony to which she invited me, but no word about an after-party.

It was an awkward time for me at the Church, so I went home after slipping her a card and cash for my grandson.

Now everyone’s angry that I didn’t go to the house. (Due to the strained situation, I didn’t assume a reception invitation.) I’ve reached out to both and apologized. Neither has replied. Everyone is very hurt.

What can I do to make this right if they won’t reply?

Heartbroken

You’ve made the first good move by apologizing and explaining, presumably by email or phone.

They must’ve been embarrassed by your visible absence at the house party, likely attended by friends as well as many relatives.

Send a handwritten note along with flowers.

Say that you now realize that by not showing up, which you acknowledge was a mistake, it must’ve caused gossip and speculation that shouldn’t have happened at all, especially not on that religious occasion.

Suggest that you’ll host a gathering of family to acknowledge that celebration, hoping to clear the air so you can re-connect as the loving grandmother they know you to be.

Tip of the day

Persistent cheating in a relationship can’t be excused as attention-seeking only. It’s also selfish betrayal of your partner.

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