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Monday, August 30, 2010

As Retold by Sadako: Where the Wild Things Are

The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind and another, his mother called him, "WILD THING."

And Max said, "Stop listening to that Troggs album!"

So he was sent to bed without any supper and without his mother wondering if she needed to cut back on her dating life.

That night in Max's room, as his blood sugar level decreased, a forest grew and grew, until his ceiling hung with vines and the world became a manifestation of his troubled id.

An ocean tumbled by with a boat for Max. He sailed off through night and day till he came to where the wild things are.

And when he came to where the wild things are, they roared their terrible roars. And gnashed their terrible teeth. And rolled their terrible eyes.

And showed their terrible claws. And screened their overrated Matt Dillon/Neve Campbell/Denise Richards threesome scene over and over again.

Until Max tamed them with the magic trick of staring into all their yellow eyes without blinking once.

And they were frightened at his no-blinking skills because no one with access to the prop department of A Clockwork Orange had yet come to their island. And they acknowledged that he was indeed pack leader, even though he hadn't used the phrase, "Tsst!" once. And they made him king of all wild things.

"Now," said Max, "let the wild rumpus start!" And he opened his appointment book to schedule in rumpuses for the next several weeks.

"Now, stop!" Max said and withheld food as discipline as he had been taught, and he sent the wild things off to bed without any supper.

And Max like all wild things was lonely.

So he resigned his post as king of all the wild things.

But the wild things, angry that he hadn't left two weeks' written notice and had refused to stick around for an exit interview, said, "Oh please don't go, we'll eat you up, we love you so!"

Deciding to soften the impending separation anxiety as best he could, Max said, "No."

And he sailed away, through night and day, for over a year, till he reached home, where his Swanson's Hungry Man Dinner was waiting. And it was still lukewarm.