Bonnie Marcushttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com
The Politics of PromotionSun, 28 Jan 2018 22:32:30 +0000en-UShourly1This Founder is Using Her Own Story to Help Children Share Theirshttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/this-founder-is-using-her-own-story-to-help-children-share-theirs/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/this-founder-is-using-her-own-story-to-help-children-share-theirs/#respondSun, 28 Jan 2018 22:26:24 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9917Read More.]]>When Brittni Kellom was just 12 years old she was sexually abused by her father. That abuse continued until she was 16 when she became pregnant with his child. It wasn’t until after her abortion that her mother, who later became her greatest supporter, was informed. This horrific tale would most likely permanently damage the typical teenager, not only due to the experience itself, but also the shame and perceived necessary silence. But Brittni knew that because of her trauma she now had a mission and that mission was to help other children and young adults who are abused, sexually, physically, and emotionally.

Brittni Kellom poses for a portrait for Red Bull Amaphiko in Baltimore, Maryland.

Brittni’s experience led her to form the organization, Just Speak, whose mission since 2003 has been to empower young people, ages 3 to 17, with resiliency skills, and to build trauma-informed schools and healthier communities. Currently located in the inner city of Detroit, Just Speak offers award-winning programming, including workshops, training, and public presentations through collaboration with a variety of social and domestic organizations across Southeast Michigan. Brittni received training through the National Institute for Trauma and Loss in Children and Starr programming. A Certified Trauma Practitioner in Education, she’s also been trained through the Department of Justice as a Certified Sexual Assault Counselor and Advocate. She is currently a fellow at the Red Bull Amaphiko Academy for social entrepreneurs.

Bonnie Marcus: What’s the biggest challenge for young victims?

Brittni Kellom: It’s the guilt and shame they feel, and being able to speak out in the midst of their family circumstances. Because statistically, when we have young people being sexually abused or having any sort of trauma, the perpetrators are living in the home. They’re the ones tucking them in at night and taking them to school; people they rely on at a time when they aren’t able to protect themselves. Every child has a secret and that’s what we have to keep in mind. There’s the taboo and shame that comes with talking about your sexuality as a child. That vulnerability is very hard to swallow as a child.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/this-founder-is-using-her-own-story-to-help-children-share-theirs/feed/0What Happens When CEOs Take The Pledge To Improve Diversity And Inclusion?https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/what-happens-when-ceos-take-the-pledge-to-improve-diversity-and-inclusion/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/what-happens-when-ceos-take-the-pledge-to-improve-diversity-and-inclusion/#respondSun, 28 Jan 2018 22:21:40 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9914Read More.]]>In the spring of 2017, a group of CEO’s spearheaded by Tim Ryan, U.S. Chairman and Senior Partner from PwC, formed a steering committee to address diversity and inclusion in the workplace. Their shared beliefs were that this is one of society’s biggest issues, that their companies need to better represent the community, and that diverse teams perform better. Their commitment to improve the culture of their organizations resulted in the creation of the CEO Action Pledge for Diversity and Inclusion which now has over 350 member companies representing 85 different industries.

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Cultural change needs to start at the top. The CEO’s who take The Pledge for diversity and inclusion commit to three initial goals. First, continue to make their workplaces trusting places to have complex and sometimes difficult conversations around diversity and inclusion. Second, implement and expand unconscious bias education. And then, share best practices and share practices that don’t work. Each organization creates their own action plan and training to meet these goals. On January 17th, Merck is sponsoring a Chief Diversity Officer and Chief Human Resource Officer Summit for member companies to share how they are working on the Pledge and their progress.

I recently had a conversation with Mike Dillon, Chief Diversity Officer at PwC, to better understand how PwC is implementing their action plan.

Bonnie Marcus: Mike, as a result of this Pledge, has PwC shifted the way it addresses unconscious bias?

Mike Dillon: We have been very committed to our unconscious bias training in the firm. And in fact, this year we felt it was so important and such an important part of our Leadership Development within the firm that every new joiner, and that is about 17,000 each year, are required to take a Blind Spots training. But more importantly, everyone that is promoted within the firm is now required to take Blind Spots training. Because we believe again that it’s such an important part of our culture and our Leadership Development.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/what-happens-when-ceos-take-the-pledge-to-improve-diversity-and-inclusion/feed/0Are You Ready To Be Chief Of Staff?https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/are-you-ready-to-be-chief-of-staff/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/are-you-ready-to-be-chief-of-staff/#respondTue, 09 Jan 2018 16:13:27 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9910Read More.]]>When you think of a chief of staff, you might think of someone like John Kelly, who currently holds the position in the Trump administration. At least that was my frame of reference until I recently spoke with Caroline Pugh, chief of staff to Aneesh Chopra, who was the first chief technology officer of the United States under President Obama’s first term, and is now the president of CareJourney, a healthcare data analytics company. Before my conversation with Pugh, I was unaware that chiefs of staff have powerful and influential roles in the private sector, and that this role is a great opportunity for ambitious women.

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Chiefs of staff (COS) serve an important function in the corporate world. They provide the communication framework for customers, employees and executives. Smart CEOs lean on their COS to troubleshoot and handle the daily needs of the company. This allows the CEO to then focus their efforts more developing strategies to grow the company.

Pugh organizes and hosts events for chiefs of staff in Washington, DC, and has done research about the role and its function in business. She has surveyed and spoken with over two dozen chiefs of staff including, the chief of staff to the CEO of Rolls Royce, Marissa Mayer, Tony Hsieh (Zappos), former Vice President Biden and Steve Case.

From her own experience as a COS, as well as her research, Pugh outlines the responsibilities of a typical COS.

The Chief of Staff is generally assigned a focus area. At Zappos, the COS is not only the ‘right hand’ to the CEO, but also leads the culture and community. At Rolls Royce, the COS heavily responds to the Board and shareholders on the behalf of the CEO or with the CEO. Marissa Mayer’s COS is tasked as being the ‘innovator and forward thinker’ and to look for new technologies or companies to acquire and develop.

The Chief of Staff is generally positioned as the CEO or executive’s ‘right hand person’.

Responsibilities often include:

Attending meetings and calls on the behalf of their boss if he/she couldn’t not make it.

Helping their CEO prioritize their time and appointments.

Writing first drafts of proposals, emails, letters etc. for their COS.

Taking notes during the meetings that the CEO attends and making sure that the action items from the meeting are executed.

Acting as the communication arm for their boss with other executives in the organization, clients or major stakeholders.

Acting as the sounding board to their boss for new ideas and initiatives.

Acting acts as the facilitator for their boss’s colleagues or employees (department heads or other VPs that report to him/her). This means being able to communicate wants, needs, concerns, ideas from employee to boss in an effective and efficient way.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/are-you-ready-to-be-chief-of-staff/feed/0New Research Reveals Society’s Attitude About Gender Differenceshttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/new-research-reveals-societys-attitude-about-gender-differences/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/new-research-reveals-societys-attitude-about-gender-differences/#respondMon, 18 Dec 2017 18:04:22 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9906Read More.]]>If you want to better understand the lack of gender equality in the workplace, look no further than the recent Pew research on how society views gender differences. Their recent study documents how gender, age, political affiliation, race and level of education dictates what we think about these differences. The attitude Americans have about gender differences shape how women are viewed in the workplace and whether or not women’s ambition to reach leadership positions is supported.

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Decades after Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, we, as a society, still wrestle with the question of how our viewpoints about gender are formed. Is it societal or biological? Surprisingly, the answer is not straightforward and it differs widely depending on different demographics.

Men see gender differences in the workplace as mostly biological.

Men and women offer different views on the roles of biology and societal expectations when it comes to gender differences in the workplace. Most people believe that gender does not dictate what men and women are good at in the workplace. Of those who do see a difference, 65% of women say they are mostly based on different expectations society has for men and women, while 35% point to biology. In contrast, about 61% of men who see gender differences in the workplace say they are mostly biological.

The belief that the gender differences at work are biological rather than societal can have widespread implications. After all, we can’t argue with biology. Initiatives designed to help advance women will not succeed if the underlying belief of male leadership is that biological differences affect women’s ability to lead.

Americans place a high value on attractiveness for women, leadership and ambition for men.

The most highly valued trait for women was attractiveness (35%), then empathy and nurturing at 30%, with ambition and leadership only 9%. For men, honesty and morality topped the list at 33%, professional/financial success at 23%, and ambition/leadership at 19%.

This data reveals our society’s fixation with women’s physical appearance as well as a lack of support for women’s ambition. In fact, 28% of respondents volunteered that ambition, leadership and assertiveness are traits that women should not have.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/new-research-reveals-societys-attitude-about-gender-differences/feed/0Is Netflix Cracking The Code For Women In Tech To Succeed?https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/is-netflix-cracking-the-code-for-women-in-tech-to-succeed/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/is-netflix-cracking-the-code-for-women-in-tech-to-succeed/#respondMon, 18 Dec 2017 17:56:59 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9903Read More.]]>In November, I attended a ‘women in tech’ event at Netflix. During the evening, several women from the company gave presentations about how they contribute to the creation and delivery of content. I was impressed with the women, their presentations and especially their stories of how Netflix is encouraging and supporting their professional growth. Their positive experience at Netflix appeared to be very different from most of the research about what women in tech face in the workplace today.

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According to recent research, 32% of women in tech quit their jobs after just one year. And that’s mostly because of a culture that is hostile, where women are marginalized and feel isolated. But the research also states that when the opposite happens, when women are fully engaged, the company benefits and so do the women.

I was curious about the culture at Netflix and if, in fact, they are cracking the code for women in tech to succeed. They are certainly committed to doing so. While the company had been under scrutiny over its handling of sexual assault allegations against actor Danny Masterson, Netflix has been outspoken in its support of its women tech workers and is very forthcoming about their employee demographics, admitting that they are a work in progress, and that diversity and inclusion is a never ending process to which they are fully committed.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Tracy Wright, director of global content operations, who moderated the panel at the event, to learn more about the culture at Netflix.

Bonnie Marcus: Tracy, how would you define the culture at Netflix?

Tracy Wright: Transparent, candid. We talk a lot here about the values; our core values, integrity, impact, judgment, passion. To me what has made this culture work is because we really do root the culture in the core values that we say we want people to have and to leverage them as they’re making decisions about. Decisions for the business, or decisions about how they’re going to communicate. Or even how they’re going to interact with each other. And that’s why the open and candid part is so important. Because if we say these are the core values, when we see someone doing something that’s inconsistent with our values, that open and candid culture allows us to say that, to say it out loud, and to allow the chance to catch it and talk through it and improve it.

Marcus:Research on this topic reveals that when women are in an organization where there is a transparent ‘speak up’ culture, where their ideas are heard, they’re more likely to stay and flourish. What’s been your experience here at Netflix?

Wright: I’ve been with Netflix over 10 years. I’d spent one year at a studio before. And the culture was different. It wasn’t that open, candid. And when I was looking to go elsewhere, I read the values on the Netflix website. And it was honesty. We call it integrity now. You question ideas, you question things that are inconsistent with these values. And you say things only to a person’s face. You wouldn’t say it behind their back. And I thought, ‘That’s unlike any place I’ve ever been.’

I’m a pretty direct, candid person. And I thought, ‘If this is true, this is where I want to be.’ And I was fortunate enough to go through the interview process and I found immediately, even within the interview process, I was getting feedback during the interviews, which is relatively unheard of as well. And I was lucky enough to get hired. I remember sitting in a meeting when I first came in to the acquisition group. There were two VPs in that group and they were both women. Both very strong, outspoken women. And the person who hired me was also a strong, outspoken women. And it was immediately evident in the meeting that people had their opinion, and you were expected to challenge them. And your opinion was respected. And I thought, ‘Ooh, this is a little scary, and I better figure out how to speak up.’ Because I always wanted to, but it didn’t always feel safe in other places to do that. And here I had these really strong women showing me that not only is it welcomed, it’s expected. And I was said to myself, ‘Okay, you got to jump into the deep end and just do it.’ And it was life-changing for me, to tell you the truth. To be able to be in a place where I was expected to have an opinion, that opinion was respected even when challenged, felt like, ‘Okay, I am really going to grow. I’m going to grow here.’

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/is-netflix-cracking-the-code-for-women-in-tech-to-succeed/feed/0From Uzbekistan To CEO: One Woman’s Success Storyhttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/from-uzbekistan-to-ceo-one-womans-success-story/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/from-uzbekistan-to-ceo-one-womans-success-story/#respondFri, 01 Dec 2017 17:06:12 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9890Read More.]]>Natalia Shuman was 16 years old when she first left her native country of Uzbekistan for an education. Part of the Soviet Union at the time she was born, Uzbekistan was a Communist state and closed off from the rest of the world. But Natalia was born in the capital city of Tashkent which was a diverse community of immigrants influenced by China and India. That exposure to people from diverse backgrounds at an early age made an impression on Natalia. She knew that she wanted to leave Uzbekistan to see more of the world.

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In a recent interview, Natalia told me that in the Soviet Union at the time, there were only two ways to pursue a professional career; as an engineer or economist. Natalia decided to study international economic relations and finance at St. Petersburg University.

Bonnie Marcus: Were you encouraged as a woman in Uzbekistan to have a career?

Natalia Shuman: My family was a middle income family. My father was a pilot and my mother was a teacher. They always encouraged me to pursue a career. In the Soviet Union, girls were encouraged to be home and take care of their husbands and family. But it never occurred to our family that I would not have a career.

Marcus: So your family encouraged you?

Shuman: Yes. My mother told me to focus on being excellent at something. She always told me, ‘It doesn’t matter how long it takes to do your homework. What matters is the results. It matters that you produce excellent results.’ And I think that’s helped me along the way. Every job I took at a young age and also during my career in a leadership role, I wanted to do an excellent job.

Shuman graduated with honors and chose to be a banker, but after one internship in banking, she decided it was too boring for her and moved into the recruitment industry.

Shuman: I started in a very small startup. It was the first recruitment agency in St. Petersburg and was led by two young American women. I joined them as a receptionist at first. I helped them attract Russian candidates. And because I was a student at the time, I didn’t really care about the pay. But it gave me good exposure to American culture from these two women. In fact, President Putin was Mayor of St. Petersburg at the time and signed our recruitment license. And after three or four years being a very successful firm, we attracted a lot of very large foreign companies to help them recruit Russian professionals. We became very well-known and attracted attention from Kelly Services and they acquired us in 1997.

Kelly Services asked me if I would stay on and the values of this company were so attractive to me that I decided to stay. They asked me to go to Moscow first and help them open an office there. Then they asked me to come to London and then New York. It was fascinating. I was single at the time and it was easy. They were impressed with my work and the opportunities kept coming. Probably the most notable was the move to the United States in 2001. There I was asked to establish a bigger presence in the New York area and I opened a startup office for them on Wall Street.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/from-uzbekistan-to-ceo-one-womans-success-story/feed/0Here’s How To Get Out Of Your Own Way To Get Aheadhttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/heres-get-way-get-ahead/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/heres-get-way-get-ahead/#respondMon, 20 Nov 2017 17:27:18 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9884Read More.]]>The stress of navigating the complexities of the workplace and trying to get ahead or at least doing your best work takes its toll over time. There are external obstacles that you confront every day. That’s reality. But the external challenges aren’t the only ones you face. Truth be told, you would be able to tackle almost anything life throws at you if you could better manage your own expectations and limiting beliefs about yourself; in other words, if you could get out of your own way. The internal barriers you create rob you of the energy and passion you need to succeed. It undermines your belief in yourself. As a consequence, you may not opt out but you drop out emotionally.

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How do you get in your own way?

First and foremost, you don’t give yourself a break. You beat yourself up for not doing better work or completing enough work. Perfectionism can get the best of you as you to try to exceed expectations, and the most difficult expectations are the ones you create for yourself. Your habit of not acknowledging your accomplishments and believing that the results are never good enough sabotages your grit and ambition. Think about it. How often do you give yourself a ‘high 5’ for your accomplishments and cheer yourself on?

Solution: Learn to own your talent and success. Keep a daily journal of your accomplishments, big and small, and review them at the end of the week and ask yourself, what does this say about me? Routinely share your accomplishments with your manager in a weekly or bi-weekly status report. And practice accepting not deflecting compliments when given.

Listening to the negative chatter in your head. If you are having an ongoing conversation with yourself most of the time, it’s almost impossible to actively listen to others and communicate appropriately. The focus on how best to respond and have the perfect answer jeopardizes not only your ability to truly listen, but it also hinders your ability to speak up effectively. In this article, Matt Abramson addresses how the chatter in our heads prevents us from speaking spontaneously.

Solution: Listening to the negative self-talk gives it power and although you will never completely silence the chatter, with practice and focus, you can learn to normalize it and not pay attention. Meditation and mindfulness help clear out the negativity. Michael Singer’s book, The Untethered Soul, was a life-changing book for me in that it taught me to ‘relax and release’ the negativity that preoccupied my thoughts.

Another way you get in your own way is by procrastinating. Procrastination may stem from a lack of confidence and self-doubt and a discomfort with asserting yourself. You put things off that you find uncomfortable or difficult.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/heres-get-way-get-ahead/feed/0What The #MeToo Movement Says About Women’s Relationship To Powerhttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/metoo-movement-says-womens-relationship-power/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/metoo-movement-says-womens-relationship-power/#respondSun, 05 Nov 2017 18:37:48 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9877Read More.]]>Since the news broke about Harvey Weinstein, social media has been flooded with #MeToo responses from women who have been silent for years about their own experiences with sexual harassment. Twitter and Facebook have provided a safe platform for women to declare their anger and often shame. Millions of women are coming out of the shadows to stand strong with each other against the men in their lives who took advantage of them.

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Whether in media, movies, music, politics, academia, or business, women have been subjected to sexual harassment and abuse for decades. As women share more about their experiences, we see a pattern. The pattern that emerges is of powerful men abusing their power and taking advantage, though not always physically, of women who are less powerful, or at least feel powerless in the situation.

How do women deal with men in positions of power and authority? This is an ongoing issue for women in the workplace today as men still own and manage the majority of businesses and have a dominant presence in government. They have power. Women, seeking to get ahead, need to tread carefully to build relationships with these men who have influence over the career trajectory.

Many of my clients who work in male dominated industries share with me how they are intimidated by a room full of powerful men; how they feel at a disadvantage when trying to get male sponsorship, and how they are keenly aware of the delicate balance of asserting themselves yet protecting the male ego.

The #MeToo response from women sheds new light on the issue of women’s relationship to power; not only their relationship to powerful men, but their relationship to their own power. Many of the women who are speaking up now have lived with these memories for years and only now, with the support of other women and the media, do they feel safe enough to proclaim their #MeToo response.

Bonnie Marcus: What does the #MeToo response say about women’s relationship to power?

Feldt: The #MeToo phenomenon illustrates the power of what I call #SisterCourage. There is power in knowing you are not alone. Power in finding one’s voice and using it with others who are like minded. That gives women the courage to speak about what was previously unspoken. But saying or tweeting #MeToo is not a long term solution. It’s just the beginning of an opportunity for a woman to learn to embrace the power she feels when she says #MeToo. Then she has to use her power to change the culture. We aren’t there yet but we are making progress.

Marcus:Why are women so intimidated by powerful men and how can they change that?

Feldt: These are deeply rooted culturally learned biases. Some women get co-opted and feel more secure under the wing of powerful men as a result. The daddy syndrome. I think it gets better with each generation, and younger women are far less intimidated.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/metoo-movement-says-womens-relationship-power/feed/0How Does A Lack Of Confidence Affect Your Life And Career?https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/lack-confidence-affect-life-career/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/lack-confidence-affect-life-career/#respondSun, 22 Oct 2017 17:14:11 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9868Read More.]]>Many of my clients suffer from a lack of confidence. They are highly educated and talented women. But at some point in their lives, they allowed negative feedback or situations to undermine their self-esteem and that has continued to affect their performance and success every day.

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Just last week, I asked one of my clients if she could recall a time in her life when she was more confident. She spoke at length about her wonderful childhood and her outstanding academic success. She always felt competent and able to tackle any situation at work. But then there a specific incident that triggered her. Years ago, one of her bosses commented to her, ‘You’re not as smart as you think you are’. And that did it. That statement unlocked her deep seeded fear that she wasn’t smart enough or good enough to succeed.

Once a limiting belief is triggered and activated, your outlook changes. You see everything through a new filter. You look for validation daily that you aren’t smart enough. And of course you will always find something that confirms this belief. For example, someone offers a different opinion than yours in a meeting. Instead of acknowledging the comment or being open to discussing it, you remain silent, or immediately get defensive and start beating yourself up. ‘Why didn’t I think of that? Obviously, I’m not smart enough!’

This is just one example from one client, but I’ve seen this over and over again with the women I work with. Their lack of confidence affects their ability to reach their full potential. Whether perfectionism or the imposter syndrome is the cause, the negative self- talk erodes their confidence as they look for proof that they will ultimately not succeed. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The good news is that we can rewire our brain with focus and intention. And although our fears and limiting beliefs won’t completely disappear, over time they lose their power over our daily thoughts and actions. Practicing mindfulness and meditation supports building new neural pathways, and consistently reciting positive mantras supports more positive thinking and self-talk.

During my work with clients, I will often give them an exercise on this topic and ask them to reflect on how their life and career would be different if they were more confident.

Here are some responses from clients.

If I were more confident…

I would be in a role I enjoy, doing work I enjoy, and growing in my profession.

A lack of confidence can have a dramatic effect on your career. It will keep you in your comfort zone because you that’s where you feel safe with little risk of failure. This prevents you from leaving a bad work situation, seeking stretch assignments, or applying for a new position. You risk of losing your motivation and it undermines your self-esteem over time.

Try saying this mantra: I believe in my ability to find and succeed in a fulfilling career.

If I were more confident…

I’d allow myself to make mistakes and learn lessons from them.

In order to grow personally and professionally, you need to be willing to take some risks and make mistakes. You can start small with something that has little risk and start to build this muscle. Gradually take on more risk. Be curious and expand your horizon.

Try this mantra: I’m open to trying something new and I’m confident that I can learn from this experience, whatever the outcome.

If I were more confident…

I’d ask questions, listen, and respond in an objective way. Because I’m worried I won’t say the right thing, I say nothing.

A lack of confidence holds you back from speaking up in meetings and voicing your opinion. How many times have you said to yourself, ‘He/she said what I was going to say’? But you didn’t open your mouth and so no one knows how you think and what you have to offer. You run the risk of being invisible which can be damaging to your career. You will be overlooked when it comes to promotions, raises, or special assignments.

Try this mantra: I am smart and thoughtful and have a lot to contribute to my team and the organization.

]]>https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/lack-confidence-affect-life-career/feed/0Relax. The Only Person Who Expects You To Be Perfect Is Youhttps://womenssuccesscoaching.com/relax-person-expects-perfect/
https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/relax-person-expects-perfect/#respondSun, 22 Oct 2017 17:10:23 +0000https://womenssuccesscoaching.com/?p=9865Read More.]]>Relax. The only person who expects you to be perfect is you. So why do we continue to have anxiety attacks about this? And why are we obsessed with the notion that someday someone is going to discover we’re imperfect? Believe me, everyone already knows that!

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We are all imperfect beings; each with our own unique weaknesses, scars, and blemishes. And yet many of us have unrealistic and damaging expectations that perfection is within our mortal reach. We continue to hold on to the belief that perfection is available to us if we just try harder or hide our authentic selves from others so no one else can see beyond our façade. It’s a fruitless effort that requires an enormous amount of energy. And instead of channeling all that energy to more positive initiatives, we use the full force of it to beat ourselves up. Why do we beat ourselves up? Because we’re not perfect. In extreme cases, I’ve had clients beat themselves up over the fact that they beat themselves up. No kidding!

Where does this need to be perfect come from? Some may attribute it to our culture and the media that promotes beautiful women and celebrities, and then photo shops them to be even more unrealistically perfect. As women, we grow up with images of physical perfection that are impossible to attain. As a result, many women suffer with poor body images and spend millions of dollars to improve their appearance. Even so, perfect is not possible.

But when you are a true perfectionist, your need to be perfect goes beyond your physical appearance. You feel the need to be perfect at everything.

I was working with a coaching client recently on this issue. I asked her if she knew where her need to be perfect originated? She went on to describe a childhood where perfection was the expectation. She was spanked and punished if she received less than 100 on her tests and report cards. No excuses. She had to be perfect at everything.

Fast forward a few decades and that limiting belief still haunts her every day, and it sabotages her performance and career. I received feedback from her boss who stated that she needs to let go of the façade that she knows everything and admit she may not have all the answers. She needs to ask for help when she doesn’t have all the answers so that she can develop into her COO role and grow professionally. Her guarded communication and lack of transparency are symptoms of her unwillingness to show any vulnerability. A true perfectionist!

I believe we all have a little bit of this desire to be perfect. For some of us, it’s manageable. We recognize our silly fascination with it and can easily dismiss it. But for others, it’s a real problem that affects their ability to lead a fulfilling life and reach their full potential professionally.

Recognizing your perfectionism and how it may hold you back from reaching your potential is important.

Here’s how it can show up.

You need to demonstrate or appear to have all the answers all the time. Of course, this is not possible. We can easily grasp this intellectually, but we need to be aware of the belief that we can have all the answers all the time if we just work harder or longer. This leads to anxiety, depression, and burn-out.

You don’t ask for help. Asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness. It demonstrates your desire to learn more and grow personally and professionally. Asking for help, in fact, is a great way to improve your performance and will lead to potential new resources and ideas.

You resist feedback or dismiss negative or constructive feedback as not being valid. We can’t build a career in a vacuum. Without the feedback from our colleagues and managers, it’s challenging to improve our performance and get ahead. Request and listen to feedback even if it’s negative so that we can understand how we are being perceived in the workplace.