Steel yourself for a massive TMI: Kate Gosselin hasn't had sex since January 2009, six months before her split with Jon and fifteen months before today. No wonder she's so crabby. I'm actually impressed they had sex that late in the game. Eight kids is a lot. In other news, here's a picture of Kate performing a rare mating dance called "I'm a little teapot." [Life&Style]

The heralded Tiger Woods-Elin Nordegren divorce is "100 percent happening." Elin and the kids flew to Sweden on Monday (Update: Wait a minute! This part can't be true! There was a volcano on that day.) and won't be back for weeks; the comely scorned woman insists on "nonstop construction" on her $3 million home in Sweden so she can spend the summer there with the kids and without her scumbag husband. Maybe this is why Tiger was at the Nickelback concert the other night—soothing his lonely soul with the dulcet tunes of the second-worst band in North America. (Yesterday I thought they were the worst in America, but I have since been reminded of Creed's existence, and that Canada is not a farflung state, but its own country.) [Us, Radar]

Arrested recently for a hit-and-run accident involving a signpost—who knew fender benders with random objects counted as hit and runs?—it is "unlikely" Heather Locklear will face charges. Because, really, who bumps into a signpost and thinks to report themselves to the cops? [TMZ]

Demi and Ashton went to New York macaroni mecca Cafeteria at 2:30AM. Between this and the Foursquare hot tub party, they're one crappy Brooklyn apartment away from being every 27-year-old in the city. [P6]

Tara Reid called off her engagement to theoretical German billionaire Michael Axtmann. We know it's true because she changed her Facebook status to "single." [Gatecrasher]

Isla Fisher's massive pregnant belly snuck up on everyone, who somehow failed to realize she's been pregnant with Sacha Baron Cohen's second child for a while, now, judging by the size of that tum. [DailyMail]

Creepy: Guy Ritchie is dating another petite blonde "Madonna two decades ago" clone. This one even has Madonna's face. Guy is lucky that Lourdes doesn't look too much like her mom, or this would be even creepier. [DailyMail]

Naomi Campbell received a "huge, uncut 'blood diamond'" from Liberian warlord and former President Charles Taylor, who is now on trial for war crimes. Mia Farrow was there when Naomi received it, and tattled to ABC News to try to pressure Naomi into testifying at Taylor's trial. Since she's into humanitarian work—like Haiti relief—maybe she'll do it. But since she's also into admitting no wrongs and being kind to wealthy gentlemen bearing gifts, maybe not. [P6]

Stars arrived at Vanity Fair's fabulous Tribeca Film Festival party (which fictional Gawker freelancer Betsey Morgenstern covered) hungry, because the annual party usually serves food. But then they found out the meal had been canceled, and their lovely concave bellies roared and roared. The boldest of the bold-faces were "spotted later" at VF editor Graydon Carter's oh-so-elite Monkey Bar, so the whole thing was probably just a ploy to make people buy food at his restaurant. [P6]

Cuba Gooding Jr. got trashed and gave a ridiculous bar toast at a bar in Spokane, and TMZ has the tape. The end of the sentence contains the reason he was forced to drink so heavily. [TMZ]

Heartwarming dad sighting of the day: Kevin Bacon took daughter Sosie shopping for prom outits. He held the dress while she looked for shoes to match. [P6]