Find out what other moms-to-be are asking. Join in the discussion with Henci Goer, whose expertise is determining what the research tells us best promotes safe, healthy birth. If you would like to contact Henci outside of the Ask Henci forum, send an email to Goersitemail@aol.com.

Dear Henci, I have 6 children. My first were vaginal
births and easy enjoyable experiences. Then I became pregnant
with twins. I went into labour at just under 34 weeks and was
forced into a cesarean.( too long to explain here but hospital has
since admitted there was no medical need for section). I found this
very distressing. 6 years later I was pregnant again and
developed pre eclampsia that my doctor and midwife ignored and told
me I was worrying too much . I struggled for about 8 weeks with
swollen hands and feet and other symptoms and repeatedly being told
I was worrying too much. After my last appointment with my
midwife I took myself to hospital and pre eclampsia was diagnosed.
I had my baby a couple of days later by cesarean at 35 weeks
and 2 days. In was told I couldn't have a vbac because they
could not induce me because of previous cesarean. Again very
distressing. 3 years later I became pregnant by surprise,
everything seemed to go well physically but I could not accept the
pregnancy emotionally at all. Then at 24 weeks I had sugar in
my water and was put on insulin . I had hypos nearly
everyday. I lost 2 stone in the last 3 months of my
pregnancy. When I had the baby I weighed less than I did before I
got pregnant. Any way, when I got to 36 weeks this time I
began to believe I was pregnant and got excited. I agreed a
plan to be induced at 38 weeks and have a vbac. At 37 weeks
The baby was scanned and appeared to weigh just under 6lb. So
I was offered a cesarean. I refused as I still wanted to have
a vbac. I agreed to come in to have a trace each day
and to come back in to be induced later in 38 the week.
One day before I turned 38 weeks I had a trace and both me
and the baby were fine. I was about to leave when a doctor
who didn't know me( it was the weekend). Asked why I was having a
vbac.I told him was because I thought it was safer. He said
because I was having hypos ( which I had been having throughout
time on insulin) that my placenta was probably failing and should
have a section that night. i should stay in hospital
and be constantly monitored because if I fell asleep I might
not notice the baby stop moving. I was distraught. I
called my midwife and she arranged for me to have my waters broken
on the unit to try for my vbac. Despite contracting almost
straight away and having them about every ten minutes and the baby
remaining fine I could nor cope with the fear. I could not sit,
stand ,lie down I could not rest believing that my baby could die
any second. I just gave in and I think I went a liitle mad.
I had a cesarean and my baby practically roared at the
surgeon.She weighed 6 lb. She is now 18 months old and
wonderful and still breast feeding. I however suffered severe
PTSD and have been having councelling. I still suffer
flashbacks and it was many months before I believed she was not
going to die any second. I have read a great deal since her
arrival. I feel I didn't need insulin and that's why I lost
so much weight and had hypos all the time. I did think the
healthy eating plan was good. I am 5foot 7 and wear size 16
clothes. Am I mad for thinking this ? I feel that I
have gone from a normal women to a wreck. If I were to have
another child do you think I stand any chance of being treated like
a normal women? I would appreciate your thoughts. I had
my first child at 24 and I will be 40 next week. Thank you
for your time. Becca

It sounds like you have been through some very difficult,
frightening, and disempowering birth experiences. You are
doing the right thing in getting help with the psychological
aftermath. If you want another resource, I recommend Solace for Mothers, a peer
support group for women who have had traumatic births.

I think that yes, you absolutely have a chance of changing
this pattern should you decide to have another baby, but I think it
depends first, on your working through the emotional issues so they
don't come back to bite you in a subsequent pregnancy or labor,
second, on making thoughtful choices of your care providers
and place of birth, and third, on preplanning for potential
triggering scenarios so that you can handle things differently
instead of reacting automatically. Your therapist should be able to
help you with all of these.

You don't mention a partner or other loved ones as you told your
story, but whoever would be with you during pregnancy and labor
also needs to be on the same page you are and ready and willing to
support you in your decisions, so you may have work to do in that
arena as well. It isn't unlikely that if they have been with you
during your prior experiences, they, too, have
emotional issues to work through.