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Kobe Bryant Announces 3rd Baby on the Way, But His Wife Is the Real MVP

Kobe Bryant took to Instagram to announce his wife, Vanessa, is pregnant with their third girl.

The moms of the world have long admired this couple for their 15-year marriage and their two adorable daughters. But Vanessa in particular deserves special praise for the pregnancy, because she found time for marital relations despite being a mom. As all parents know, the struggle is real.

Screenshot: Kobe Bryant Instagram

If you’re like me, your kid is a stage four cock-blocker in possession of some supernatural Spidey sense that helps him intercept all attempts to give him a sibling. Not to mention the various personal obstacles you must overcome in order to get in the mood.

Chronic insomnia has messed with your hormones so that your libido is about as lively as a weekend at Bernie’s–if your vajayjay is Bernie. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Hey, gal, remember that time another human tore through your undercarriage until it looked like a decapitated basset hound? Yeah. Let’s not do that again.”

Then there’s the underwear. Your top drawer used to be filled with tiny lace garments from Victoria’s Secret. Now it holds holey cotton briefs from Victoria’s 75-year-old Aunt Sheila’s Secret.

Do you know what Sheila’s secret is? She’s incontinent.

Even worse, if you wear Spanx to work during the day, your lady garden doesn’t regain circulation until approximately 4:00 am the next morning.

And what’s that smell in your bedroom? Is it a herd of mountain goats eating kebab meat? No. It’s you. You stink.

But granny panties and livestock odor be damned, you are determined to have The Sex. So you pop your kid in front of a 12-minute episode of Elmo’s World, which will give you plenty of time for the deed (as well as a ten-minute shower).

Having sex when you’re a parent is a victory in and of itself, so you give your husband a congratulatory high-five because you did it, by God. You did it.

Now, mommas, just because the Bryants are rich and famous doesn’t make them any less human than the rest of us. I’m guessing when Kobe and Vanessa conceived, it was under the aforementioned circumstances.

About Nikki Morris

Nikki Morris is a working mom from the great state of Texas. She loves hemming, hawing, and cynicism. At the risk of sounding braggy, she has written for various sites on The Internet. You can find her blogging at Funny (For a Girl) and you can follow her on Facebook.