Vampire Bites

The people who brought you B-Movie Bingo help you endure the teen vamps.

Breaking Dawn, the fourth movie in the sparkly, kinda-Mormon vampire franchise Twilight, opens this Friday. In approximately 25 years, it surely will be recognized as a classic of kitsch cinema.

We figured, why wait?

Since July, local art
collective Wolf Choir has been hosting B-Movie Bingo at the Hollywood
Theatre on the first Tuesday of each month. The goal is to sit through a
terrible, generic film. The method is to line up the fiascoes on a
bingo card.

“We developed B-Movie
Bingo in spring 2006 while trying to watch every Chuck Norris movie (we
did it, about 35 movies), because some of the movies were so boring
that it was only possible to get through them if you played a game while
you watched,” says Wolf Choir’s Robbie Augspurger. “We thought of a
bunch of things you’d see in any cop or action movie and put them on a
bingo card.”

B-Movie Bingo has
been drawing about 100 people each month to the Hollywood, people who
watch a film so obscure and ridiculous that it’s available only on VHS.
The next game is 1994’s First Action Hero (the same gun as Last Action Hero, but nothing else in common!) on Dec. 6.

It seems patently obvious, after the three previous Twilight installments, that Breaking Dawn
will someday become an arcane B-movie, available only in an obsolete
home-entertainment format (Qwikster?) and recalled as “that Twilight movie where Bella’s baby claws its way out of her womb.” (It wasn’t screened by WW press deadlines; look for Kelly Clarke’s review on wweek.com.)

So we asked Wolf Choir to watch the previous three Twilight pictures and make us a Breaking Dawn bingo card. They did. Feel free to take this to the theater with you.