The Televisionist, Nov. 25

Turkey day is coming up, which means the cable channels have left the keys with the lowliest intern, told him not to touch anything, and scheduled mind-numbing marathons of audience faves. Here, in no particular order, is what's playing on some of the popular channels during their Thanksgiving view-a-thons.

SPIKE TV: 9 a.m. - 8 p.m.

Gangland marathon

Documentary-style show about great gang wars through time, from the Bloods and the Crips to the Hatfields and McCoys.

DISCOVERY CHANNEL:
10 a.m. -
8 p.m.

Mythbusters marathon

Jaime Hynemann and Adam Savage use science to separate truth from myth in urban legends.

BRAVO: 10 a.m - 6 p.m

Millionaire Matchmaker marathon

Matchmaker-to-the-stars Patti Stanger helps lovelorn Master of the Universe-types and various over-pumped golddiggers feel the sting of cupid's arrow. Don't forget that prenup!

TLC: 6 a.m. - midnight

Cake Boss marathon

Pastry artist Buddy Valastro and his team take cakes waaaaay beyond that bitchin' sheet cake with the dinosaur you had for your sixth birthday party.

SYFY: 8 a.m - 3 a.m. (Friday)

James Bond marathon

Watch 007 shoot, screw and quip his way through his myriad incarnations, from Connery to Craig.

LIFETIME: 8 a.m. - midnight

Will and Grace marathon

A gay dude and a redhead live in a trendy place, or something like that. I'm just guessing here, because the only thing I know about this show is that I hate it.

TRU TV: 6 a.m. - 2 a.m. (Friday)

World's Dumbest Criminals marathon

Surveillance footage of criminals doing stupid stuff on their way to the hoosegow, accompanied by a chorus of B-list commentators.