I saw this adorable couple the other day and they were walking down the streets greeting passersby as they pushed a stroller carrying the most beautiful baby inside. They smiled, waved, talked about their last trip to Europe… Then I stopped for a second and I thought “Damn! I REALLY need a drink!” It’s not that I hate people with the cookie-cutter perfect kind of life that I wish I had because I’m a jealous monster. It’s simply that, sometimes, I just wish they…moved…to a…secluded…island in a far away planet. Ok, maybe I am a bit jealous. Kidding! I am happy for everyone’s happiness. It gives us motivation to better ourselves at times and spreading our own happiness and being proud of their successes and ours makes this plant much more habitable.

I don’t have babies myself, but I used to make up for it by dating lots of drunk guys. You would often catch me saying things like: “Awww, how cute… he’s drooling” – “Oh my god, he said my name!” – “Who’s your daddy?” – “Oops! Somebody made a booboo. Let’s go home and clean you up, you piggy”.

It amazes me greatly to see the fervor, time and money invested on drinking alcohol in our community. I didn’t realize how much I consumed alcohol until someone pointed out to me the way I give directions to people who are lost. “You know where Palace Bar is? Well, you make a left there and, when you hit Perversions Liquor Store, make a right and you’ll see the home for the elderly you’re looking for”. Why do we, as gay men consume more alcohol than anyone else? What is this void we try to fill, if any? Many are the theories: drinking facilitates sexual encounters, it allows you to be less shy when talking to people, it releases endorphins needed to forget about your troubles or there are simply not that many options other than the bar scene making us all prone to repeat the same outing experience over and over again. There’s nothing wrong with the bars (I myself enjoy the company of my good friend Martin E. Glass) but we, as a community, tend to do this in excess.

Did you know there’s a gay cruise, gay bowling nights and gay midnight kayaking? Have you ever hosted a pot luck, game night or theme party at home? What ever happened to the movies, the theater or the beautiful beaches that surround us? Take on a new hobby, invest in a gym membership, read more, indulge in shopping or travelling. Many are the options and they are just as fun. By all means, have a drink and toast to your life, which can be filled with many resources for fun and for goodness sake, don’t drink like Liza Minelli and you too can avoid having Lindsay Lohan’s police record. If the number of drinks you’ve had matches the number of times Elizabeth Taylor has been married, you’ve probably had enough.
I understand many are the reasons around us to want to be plastered 24-7: the holidays filled with crazy shoppers, those pesky holiday parties we HAVE to go to, the politics of our nation and our economic situation, the fight for marriage and a safer military life among many other things we try to squeeze in between feuds, break-ups, jobs, etc. I know sometimes life may seem like a gigantic evil-ridden monkey just flinging excrement in our faces, but no matter how crappy (pun intended) things may seem, there is always the promise that things happen for a very powerful reason and they will always improve in the end.

Who am I kidding?! Go ahead, have a barrel of beer before things get any worse. I’ll be right there next to you in a matter of seconds buying us both the first round of drinks! Have a great month, babies!