As one of America's foremost news sources for crazy internet people, we feel it is important to keep you informed on the very latest news regarding the real story behind mysterious government alien autopsy site "Area 51," the Nevada military base where they keep that UFO that crashed in Roswell in 1947. And now, the most recent theory on the crash, from respected (really!) journalist Annie Jacobsen's new book:

Joseph Stalin recruited Nazi scientist Josef Mengele to conduct human experiments to produce "grotesque, child-size aviators" and put them on a Russian spacecraft that was sent flying over the U.S. to "spark public hysteria," and then the U.S. government covered it all up.

This has been a completely accurate transcription of The Latest Theory on Area 51. If you have more up-to-date theories, put them in the comments at once.