Russia Did What To Ru-BAE-o?!

Russia Did What To Ru-BAE-o?!

It’s Thursday. 1:30-something and I’m scrolling through my Instagram, until I see a video from TIME: “Russia might have hurt Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign.”

Alana Abramson reported: “Russia’s overt media outlets sought to sideline opponents on both sides of the political spectrum,” said Clint Watts, a fellow at the Foreign Policy Research Institute. “Senator Rubio, in my opinion, you suffered through these efforts.”

This cannot be true. Ru-BAE-o, as he has been referred to by myself and my friends since his endearing little face first appeared on the television lunging for a water bottle, could have made it past the primary? My write-ins could have been worth it?! I also feel personally betrayed by Russia. I’ve been using this whole Russian hacking conspiracy as a comedy routine in my improv group for months. “Anya Russian Spy”–who is definitely not close personal friends with Vladimir Putin–makes an appearance almost weekly.

I have a lot of conspiracy theories, ranging from pretty likely to some Da Vinci Code type stuff, and this has just reaffirmed so many of them.