Fate Of Historic HMS Victory Secured

The fate of the historic "HMS Victory", the famous flagship of Lord Nelson and symbol of British Naval might has been secured in a historic deal today.

Fears that the condition of the ship might deteriorate, following an admission by Royal Navy chiefs that the Navy could no longer afford its upkeep-due in part to hare brained Governmental wars and conflict all around the world, and specifically in places as far away as possible-the Gulf, the Falklands, the pending invasion of the Galapagos Islands-have been allayed by the announcement that the ship has been bought by a fastfood chain.

As part of the deal, "HMS Victory" will be re-named the "McVictory", selling a variety of established and new burger treats from its permanent home at Portsmouth dockyard.

These will include the McQuarter Deck Pounder, the Nelson Burger, and, for those with a healthy appetite (if unhealthy body) the mighty Broadside, which will encompass three quarter pounder beefburgers, ships biscuit and a bun soaked in rum.

Naval Chiefs today denied that the sale had affected the standing and historic value of the ship.

"No, no, not at all" claimed Roger Jolly, one time Captain of the Isle of Wight patrol vessell "HMS Needles", adding "...the sale not only offers refreshing snacks and fizzy beverages to one and all, but also a chance to learn how McNelson and his crew lived and sea and fought at the Battle of the Fillet o' Trafalger".

The sale of the vessel follows the equally controversial conversion of the worlds most famous tea clipper to a fast food store in similar circumstances, visitors at Greenwich to the ship have found it renamed as the "Chip Butty Sark" and that its masts have been replaced by giant wooden forks, with the sales now massive pieces of yesterdays newspapers.

Amongst claims that future rebranding of Britains history lay in the pipeline, the Government today denied claims that, in order to promote more cordial European relations, France were to be named the victors of the Battle of Waterloo and that the historic City of Oxford was to be relocated to Disneyland and renamed "Uni World".

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