This space is for friends, family and sworn enemies to convene, commiserate and bask in the dim glow of our most deficient public figures. Hopefully we can have some laughs along the way. If we don't, it's your fault.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving & Try the Beer

My first idea for a blog title was already taken.

I spend a good deal of time in this space detailing the trials and travails of parenting and life in general.

Inevitably this becomes an exercise in chronicling, if not exalting, the negative.

But is it too much negative?

"The boy did THIS."

"The boy did THAT."

"Mrs. Blackwell drank THIS entire bottle of vodka."

"Mrs. Blackwell shoved THAT waiter to the ground."

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I believe (and hope) that the negative tends to be funnier and easier to identify with. I’m in love with my wife and my kid but who isn’t — except maybe the dead Kardashian dad.

Writing a blog about how grand life is would get old quick. Besides, life’s negatives frequently serve as better teachers than the positives.

But it can’t always be all negative — especially this time of year.

Wisconsin Beer. Yes, that's a cat, holding a gold-plated pistol
while seated atop a unicorn shooting flames from its nose.
Fortunately, the beer lives up to the label.

So, in the spirit of embracing the positive, on the eve of Thanksgiving and, because I can’t think of anything better to write about, I felt it might be best to say thanks.

I’m thankful I only got a $98 speeding ticket last week and not a charge of “careless and reckless” driving for going 20 miles over the speed limit.

The cop told me that because I owned up to it and had a good attitude, he lowered it to 10 miles over. Thanks police officer. (I’d also like to thank myself for not being drunk when I got pulled over. It was 7:30 a.m. and I was on my way to work but, still, yeh!!!)

That said, I’m still thankful for Wisconsin beer.

I’m thankful to the previous owners of our home who gave new meaning to the term “half-assed” in every single modification they made to the house.

Because of their sheer and utter suckdom, I am forced to become an electrician, drywaller and a painter. It’s good to learn new skills! (To be fair, Mrs. Blackwell is the only one to do any painting yet but I know I speak for her in extending this thank you.)

Yes, I'm thankful for them too.

I’m thankful for the early snowfalls and unseasonably cold temperatures that have shrouded the city of Madison, Wisconsin.

I’m especially thankful that the snow has come and gone and then come again, thus giving me the opportunity to shovel my driveway twice.

And, when one is done shoveling the driveway, I’m thankful to enjoy a wonderful Wisconsin beer.

Tangentially, I’m also very thankful to those kind souls who remind me that I live in the north and that I should “just get a snow blower and shut up about it.”

I’m thankful that my car is incapable of climbing the slightest gradient when there’s even a half-inch of snow on the ground.

Thanks to this, I’m discovering reserves of patience I didn’t know I possessed.

This life lesson is aided by the fact that snow tires are $1,000 and — stingy bastard that I am — I’d rather deal with my “all season” tires than spend that money for tires I’m only going to use three months a year.

And when I’m done gritting my teeth after one of these wonderful drives, it’s nice to enjoy a beer made in Wisconsin.

Finally, I’m thankful for my wife and son without whom I’d be too jaded to recognize all these wonderfully positive things around me.