When is it okay to bribe your child? Some people are opposed to it on ethical or philosophical grounds. They think kids should learn that good behavior is business as usual – and perhaps even its own reward.

But if you’ve ever had to get a resistant child to leave a public place without making a fuss – or found yourself stalled with toilet training – you’ve probably discover the expedience of offering rewards. Is it really so bad?

Some experimental studies suggest that kids who are offered rewards tend to lose their intrinsic motivation. For instance, if you offer rewards to children for being helpful, they might recalibrate their attitudes about acts of kindness and start becoming mercenary. Help? What’s in it for me?

Studies show that even babies want to help. So we should be careful about bribing kids for what they like to do anyway. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

But it’s also obvious that people need incentives, and sometimes children don’t perceive any for doing what we want them to do. Not when it comes to working hard on a task that won’t pay off in the short-term.

So maybe bribes can be good. If you know when and how to use them. Freakonomics economist Steven Levitt and his colleagues were curious about how to make bribes more effective, so they tried this:

Just before a regularly-scheduled, high stakes, standardized test at school, kids were told they would get a reward for good performance. In particular, the experimenters announced that – surprise! – you will get a prize if you perform better today than you have in the past.

Levitt and colleagues tried this a number of times on different elementary school and high school students at low-achieving schools in Chicago, and they varied their approach.

• In some conditions, the prize was $10, in another, it was $20.

• Some kids were offered a trophy instead of cash.

• Sometimes kids were given the prize first and told it would be taken away if they failed the challenge. In other cases, they were told they’d get the reward afterwards – either immediately or after a delay of several weeks.

And here was the fallout: Rewards worked as long as they were immediate.

Among the elementary school students – who were in grades 3-8 – big cash prizes and trophies worked equally well. And it made no difference if the rewards were framed as gains (“you’ll get this if you succeed”) or losses (“we’ll take this away if you fail”).

But high school students were more discriminating, improving their scores only when they were given cash prizes before taking the test and then told the rewards would be taken away if the students failed to improve.

And interestingly, the incentives had the biggest impact on math scores – which makes me think the rewards improved performance by making kids pay more attention to detail.

How much did the bribes help? According to Levitt and colleagues, they helped a good deal. The average test improvements were in the range of 0.12 – 0.2 standard deviations, which I’m guessing translates to approximately 4-7 percentile points on a test.

That might not sound like a lot, but keep in mind: We’re not talking about a program that teaches kids new facts and skills. We’re just talking about a surprise reward introduced minutes before a test. Something to make kids pay attention and try harder. We can’t expect this sort of last-minute motivation-booster to turn an average student into an outstanding one.

In any case, the effect sounds impressive when you compare it to other educational changes. Levitt and colleagues say their reward effect was similar in size with the effects of increasing teacher quality by one-standard deviation or reducing class size by 20%.

So can we apply this at home? Maybe. I’m not sure what significance these results have for the parents of young children — toddlers and preschoolers. But we know that little children are developmentally unable to plan ahead or delay gratification in the same way that older people can. So if we bribe young children, it makes sense to offer immediate rewards. It also seems to me that the sort of bribe Levitt’s team offered — a prize for paying attention and doing your best right now, this minute — has a lot of relevance for the parents of preschoolers.

But we should still be careful, I think, about turning children’s intrinsic motivation into something more mercenary. Although Levitt himself notes that as a child he was given rewards for good grades at school (and he seems to have turned out well!) I still wonder if some kids might get jaded by bribes if they are used regularly.

So when is it okay to bribe your child? I don’t know. But a bribe that averts an immediate, high-stress crisis is worthwhile to me. And if we can help kids perform their best in a special situations — like a high-stakes test that they don’t seem to care about — bribes might be a good thing.

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More reading

If you want to read the details of the Levitt study, you can download the as-yet-unpublished paper, “The Impact of Short-term Incentives on Student Performance,” from the University of Chicago. Just click here.

Recent posts

I think the key here is that rewards and bribes are not the same thing. When you give a child something for going *above and beyond* what is expected, you’re rewarding them, and that is OK. When you give them something for doing just what is expected, you’re bribing them. I feel rewards are powerful when used correctly. Bribes may get immediate results but can cause long-term problems. Rewards, good, bribes bad.

It shows quite a few examples of how being rewarded as a child can influence our thoughts and behaviors later in life. Obviously, people who are rewarded don’t all turn out horrible. But I have noticed even in my life that I seek approval a lot more and have a reward seeking attitude where I like to collect things and achieve all the points in things. I think it can stop you from actually enjoying what you’re doing since you’re just doing it for whatever reward is promised.

Angeline

There are definitely situations in life when a well timed bribe can be a wonderful thing. At weddings or in other clutch situations when you absolutely need a certain behavior from your young children now and you add a little incentive. However these times should be a rare exception in my opinion. Children don’t internalize the right things when their good behavior is for a bribe. However I do think bribes can be quite useful on rare occasions. The important thing is to not be characterized as a bribing parent.

florexas

What excatly is the difference between a bribe and a reward? Because some of these situations could be either. I reward my DD for peeing in the potty with 1 M&M. She gets it once she has finished. It isn’t even mentioned until she has gone potty. I do however bribe her to go poop in the potty. She will hold it for days, so if she is showing signs that maybe she has to go, I will put her on potty and tell her as she sits there that if she goes poop I will get her a lollipop and some pennies for her piggy bank.

Sara

More power to the parents who can survive without bribes. I can’t. I use them quite frequently on my extrememly stubborn child. Sometimes she doesn’t REALIZE that they are bribes (and not something we were going to do anyway), but I use any tools in my arsenal to get her in gear some days!

http://ofthreelittlethings.blogspot.com/ Anna

I think bribes are certainly useful on some occasions – those times when it is important that your child does something without going through the as, bs and cs of why they should do it fifty times. I also think rewards are good, but for things like good performances in tests I would prefer to give a lot of verbal praise rather than a physical prize. One of the most important things for me in relation to doing well as I grew up was pleasing my parents and teachers, not a promise of sweets or treats. I don’t know if that’s healthy or not, but it seems more healthy than encouraging a consumerist attitude.

http://www.parentingscience.com Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.

@ florexas: “Bribe” connotes persuading someone to do something with the promise of a reward. It’s done beforehand. That’s the key. But if kids come to expect rewards, the distinction between bribing and rewarding seems to collapse, doesn’t it? I chose the word “bribe” in the title because it has negative connotations — and it’s the negative aspects of rewards that makes this a thorny issue for some parents.

http://www.parentingscience.com Gwen Dewar, Ph.D.

@ Anna and everybody: I’m one of those people with a personal aversion to paying kids for doing well at school or being a good citizen. I suppose it’s in part because I was raised with those values. But I wonder, too, if there is a sex difference. In the paper by Levitt et al, the authors note that girls don’t seem to be as motivated by extrinsic rewards. If that’s true, it’s very interesting, and maybe consistent with sexual selection theory, which predicts that (under certain conditions) males benefit more from prestige-enhancing rewards. I’ll be talking about that in an upcoming post!

koolchicken

I’m not sure I’m willing to bribe my kids. I was frequently bribed as a child and quite frankly still am as an adult. I sometimes think it stunted my growth as an adult and don’t want my kids to have to take an additional ten years to grow up. I’ve just now stopped automatically thinking, “I don’t want to do this, what would make this worth it” and then holding out for that present. As an adult sometimes you have to just do things, thinking like that is a luxury for children but if it’s encouraged until your mid twenties theres no reason to stop thinking that way.

Elicia

I totally bribe my daughter on a plane. We can’t move around, we can be a disturbance to others, and it has the potential to be a very stressful situation. Other than that, I don’t.

NMK

Perfect timing! I was feeling guilty for M&M “bribing” as an effort to get our daughter potty trained, but now accept that this “incentive” is OK. It works for us and is getting her interested in potty use (after a major regression). Thanks for
this article!

Devin

I don’t bribe or reward my kids for every day things that I consider to be part of living in a family, such as making beds or picking up their room, other than verbal praise and a hug. They love being told what a good job they’ve done and how proud of them I am for helping. They’re 6 and 4, so it still works. However, when we go to the grocery store, I definitely bribe them. If they behave with no tantrums or whining, I let them pick out some candy at the register. When it’s just me out with the two of them plus my 3 month old, it’s a matter of survival. And it works. They’ve seen the opposite as well. A tantrum just means we leave right that second. I also use peer pressure against them… If one of them acts up, no one gets a reward. They keep each other in line so I can focus on getting groceries.

kate h

If you give a child a cookie if he eats his vegetables or if you tell a child he can watch tv after he reads a book, you are telling him that vegetables and reading are bad. In the child’s mind, he will be thinking “this stuff must not be that good on it’s own since they have to give me something to eat it or do it.” It rises the joy out of what you are asking them to do.

Me

Other than potty rewards, I don’t “bribe” and I usually only “reward” with praise and hugs. However, I do offer consequences. Example – We’re at the store. She says “Can we get chocolate milk?”. I say sure! Then I have a great tool. If she starts acting up at the store, and will not stop, I can say we won’t take the chocolate milk home if she can’t behave. It’s like dessert – it’s not a reward, necessarily, but we’re all pretty quick to take it away if they don’t finish their dinner. I guess maybe this qualifies as negative reinforcement, but I prefer this to actual bribes or rewards. I prefer my child to lose a privilege for being naughty, rather than gain a reward for being nice. After all, children SHOULD be nice – why get rewarded for what you should be doing anyway? And also, that’s how the real world works. We don’t often get rewarded for doing what we should, but there are plenty of consequences out there for mis-deeds.

Buffy Rackley

Our daughter is still really young (21 months) but I admit, I do “bribe” her from time to time. But it is typically for things she was going to get anyway. Such as…she LOVE, LOVE, LOVEs her baths. If she’s being particularly fussy during dinner, I might tell her…just one (or maybe two) more bites and I’ll give her a bath. It usually works and she’s suddenly a pleasant child again. She’s still so little to understand that she was going to get a bath anyway. I’ll keep using it as long as it works!

Amy

Isn’t every working adult being bribed? If you go to work and do a good job…you will get paid! I’m sure not many of us would go in every day if we weren’t getting something for it. In our house we call them incentives!

Jennifer

As a parent of an Autistic son, “bribery” has become a useful tool in breaking through some barriers. Mostly my bribes are offered as a small cash incentive .25 or .50 cents for trying new foods. Over the last few years he has more than tripled his food options because I have used bribery to get him over the hurdle of “trying” something new! Once said food item has been consumed he then has tried it and if he did not like it we know and if he did we know that too. Now he has tried to get more$$ for foods he has already tried but I’m on top of that scheme! This motivated him because he saves $$ for things he really wants ~ DVD’s!!

Jen

Rewards and bribery are very different; one is positive while the other is negative. I think a reward system is great as long as the expectations and reward are laid out in advance. On the other hand, if your child is throwing a temper tantrum and you bribe him to get him to stop, you are rewarding negative behavior and can count on the behavior becoming repetative. A reward would be for something above and and beyond a normal expectation. You wouldn’t to say “if you clean your room I’ll buy you a special toy”. Rather, you might say “tomorrow let’s see if you can clean your room without Mommy telling you to and if you do, we’ll go to the store and buy you a new book we can read together”. It’s a double reward for baby and Mommy

I am compelled to leave a brief comment as both a parent and a professional in this field. Bribes are not rewards and are not reinforcement. With foresight into the outcomes you want your parenting to generate for your child (communicating better with you, eating their peas, etc), you can intentionally praise and deliver other positive acknowledgements you feel are appropriate (it’s not always food or money). That’s called positive reinforcement, and it has decades of research behind its effectiveness as a tool for parents to help their kids learn skills and improve their behavior. A bribe is altogether different. When your child is having a tantrum or refuses to eat their vegetables, and then you offer them a treat or money, that’s a bribe – and it serves to strengthen the poor behavior you want to reduce. If you’re interested in reading more about positive reinforcement and related approaches that parents can use everyday, go to your favorite bookseller’s website and search ‘positive behavior support for parents’ or ‘applied behavior analysis for parents’.

sally

our form of bribery is :’no you cannot have a third glass of milk until after you actually eat some food’ (ie, a banana at breakfeast or some bites of dinner)

but we mostly do sort of the opposite of bribery : “we’re going to take away your care bear unless you pay attention..and put your pants and shoes on.”
so there, the bribery is more: you’ll lose something if you don’t do XYZ. is that mean?

Suzanne

Some people make a big deal about “bribes” as if you are harming your child’s future I disagree and think they are no big deal. Just another tool in the toolbelt of parenting! As someone near the top said – sometimes it’s a “bribe” to give her something we were going to give her anyway, but she doesn’t have to know that. For example I’ll tell my toddler if she is good we can go outside. Little does she know I’d already prepared to go outside.

And for the person who said they’d rather take something away then “bribe”, I actually think you are doing the exact same thing and just putting a different spin on it. You are bribing her with the chocolate milk – saying if you aren’t good, you lose your chocolate milk… so in effect she knows she has to be good to keep it.

I see nothing wrong with rewarding kids once in awhile. After all, sometimes they deserve it! For things like grades, behaving well in a stressful situation, etc. Punishments should be mixed in as well for bad behavior, but all in all a well-balanced child will be formed.

Me

Suzanne, you’re totally right. But it’s that different spin that makes it more comfortable for me. She didn’t get the chocolate milk as a reward for anything. It wasn’t IF you do this, THEN I’ll buy you what you want. But losing it can become a consequence for bad behavior. Same thing at home. We always read three books before bedtime. If she won’t get ready for bed and throws a tantrum, she might lose one book being read. Consequences for bad behavior. To me that’s much different from “if you do what you should, I’ll give you something you want.”

http://darklydreamingliberation.tumblr.com Macy

Rewards are a necessity with kids; they just don’t always have to be a “thing” per se. An exuberant cheer + dance or wild clapping with big smiles + hugs does the trick just fine. Kids like seeing that you CARE about what they have done + that it is GENUINE. They just want your time, attention + approval!

As for bribes – that’s hardly ever a good thing in kids + adults alike; prizes + incentives are quite different. And in that respect, I don’t see how offering a little something nice for meeting or exceeding expectations could be negative for a developing child.

The problem/solution is – as usual – with the parents. You just have to know when to use it.

http://www.parentingscience.com Gwen Dewar

@ Tim Moore: I appreciate the distinction you make about reinforcing negative behavior. I assume that bribes, in the sense you mention, are negative reinforcement.

I follow Levitt (see his post “Bribing kids to try on tests”) in using the term “bribe,” because he offered the reward first, and that, I think, means “bribe” to many people in an everyday sense.

As I noted in a discussion about this on the Parenting Science FB page, I think the average person knows that positive reinforcement makes people want to “do it again.” The questions are:

* When are we comfortable — ethically or otherwise — with trying to shape behavior this way?

* How do we balance the desire to praise against the problems that arise when we praise too much or too globally?

* Once you enter into an ongoing understanding that rewards for certain behavior will be forthcoming (like payment for good grades), how might you have undermined long-term intrinsic motivation?

Etc, etc. It’s nice that we can shape behavior with rewards, and we all do it constantly (if with nothing more than smiles and other emotional cues). But where does it end? That’s what I’m trying to get people to think and talk about here.

Chris

Rewards or bribery? I see it as providing motivation to change behavior whilst avoiding conflict!

Chris

One wonders if hugs and loves should not be tied into rewards/bribes? As adults these children may feel unloved if they don’t succeed? Perhaps monetary or presents are a good idea and hugs and loves come if you pass or fail? Maybe it is more about the hugs in between the bribes?

Chris

I say “I love you if you naughty, I live you if you good, I love you always”.

Christine

I think its also helpful to make a distinction between how people use the word ‘bribe’ and ‘consequence’. If a child is looking forward to reading 3 books before bed and then acts up with a temper tamtrum, a logical consequence may be that there will only be 2 books to read depending on how long it will take for her to pull herself together and into her jammies and into bed.

We must keep children connected to real life and its logical consequences, and remove ourselves as ‘judge and jury’ for every little situation. And by the way we phrase consequences, it may indeed sound like a bribe, making us the final arbitrator on this child’s behavior. And in that we do the damage.

Boundaries with the world are essential to healthy psychology and enforcing these are what we as parents are trying to do. By straightening out our phrases to mean really what we want them to mean, we will be more authentic. We will feel better about our parenting.

In this context, I agree with many commenters in that bribery doesn’t work. At least not the way I think we want it to work in the long term.

@ Gwen Dewar. Thank you for the response Gwen. I think you’ll find a lot of agreement in the ABA/PBS communties in your contention that arbitrary reinforcers, like money or treats, that are not directly connected to the skill/behavior we’re trying to teach or improve, should be faded out over time in favor of the naturally-occurring (i.e., intrinsic) reinforcers (e.g. excitement that “I did it all by myself!”).

That is the answer to your question of ‘when does it end’ – it ends when you’ve helped the child contact the natural contingencies for their behavior. That is the balance you mentioned. Whatever limited evidence exists that positive reinforcement can forever ruin a person’s intrinsic motivation is hard to find among the decades of research in positive reinforcement to as a tool for parents and others to teach skills and improve behavior.

A quick note on negative reinforcement to clarify: negative behavior (e.g., tantrums) can be strengthened by positive reinforcement or negative reinforcement. The distinction between them is the giving of something (positive reinforcement, like giving attention) vs. the taking away of something (negative reinforcement, like taking away the demand to get in the bathtub).

In that scenario the negative reinforcers outweighed the potential positive reinforcers that had been available for saying hello to Mrs. Smith & other similar people. Once the positive reinforcers (hopefully the naturally-occurring ones – the social interactions with Mrs. Smith herself) are more powerful than the reinforcer of escaping the interaction, the child will stick around and say hello. But to get it kickstarted, sometimes parents do really well to give a kiss/hug and an ‘I’m so proud of you for saying hi like such a big girl’. It’s not forever, but little reinforcers from the incredibly powerful people that are parents (and that’s the real benefit to using reinforcement – parents find out just how powerful they are when so often it’s easy to resort to yelling/threats/taking things away) can go a really long way.

Thanks for reading this far and for letting me be part of the discussion.

Monique

I totally agree that using bribes will help us out as parents. I have two children: boy (5) and girl (3) who I have bribed often times in order to get good results or behaviour. Recently I started to bribe my son saying “If you love school work and you do your school work, then you can watch a dvd”. It worked because he keeps asking for more school work to do so that he can get to watch a dvd. I also told him that asking me to watch a dvd will cause him not to watch it as I said to him “Why are you asking me to watch a dvd and not for more school work”. Now he keeps asking me for more school work and I allow him to watch a dvd more often. With my daughter, she doesn’t need to be bribed in that area because she loves school work. What I have to do in her case is promise her something for good behaviour and it works. As parents we just have to do what is necessary. We may not be perfect but the fact that we turned out good, it means that our parents did a good job and we have followed in their footsteps in some sort of way.

Karabo

This is interesting. I currently occasionally only bribe my 18 month old when he does not want to get into his car seat. I keep some chips, lollies in the car for that purpose. I don’t think this is bad bribing.

Kim

Rewards and bribery, while both tools of positive reinforcement, are not the same thing. Rewards are given for displaying a desired behavior. Bribery, by definition, is given to sway a persons behavior to do something illegal, immoral or intended to harm others. While rewards and bribery can both act as powerful motivators, the difference is in the behavior it is structured (by the adult) to reward.

Kelms

I think rewards and bribes are two different things. A bribe is more when you tell someone “I will give you this if you do this”. A reward I think is more something given for going above what is expected and you probably don’t tell the child they are getting it until it’s done, then you reward them.

My kids have certain things that are expected of them that they tend to not like doing, but they are responsibilities that they have. I don’t so much bribe as give them consequences if they do not do what is expected of them. There as times where I have used bribery and rewards just to get them to cooperate as a toddler in a store when I just want to get what I need and get out. I think most all of us are guilty of that. I do think that giving kids a rewards every time they do something that they should be doing anyways, just sets kids up for disappointment later as adults.

Rewards and bribery are OK to use when done properly and not used all the time. My kids do not get rewarded for taking care of their responsibilities, instead they have consequences to face if they do not take care of their responsibilities. There reward is that they helped out around the house, have a clean room, or that there homework is done and now they can go play. I give my kids rewards for going above and beyond or maybe helping out with a big project in the house or something and I don’t always tell them they will get a reward for it. I want them to learn that helping out and being nice to someone is an reward in itself.

Amy

I find that I don’t need to bribe my daughter (19 1/2 month old), to do things that I need or would like her to do. I find if I let her know what is coming next, she allows for the diaper change, rinse off from tubby time, or whatever else she may be opposed to at the moment. It may be as simple as you get to brush your teeth next or I’ll give you your bottle as soon as we are finished, these are not bribes, this informing her in what is going to happen next. We seldom have a meltdown because I always let her know what is coming next, at home or out in public.

chant

@Devin…That is exactly what I do! I have a 3, & 2 year old and a 3 month old and when I go to the store with them alone I have to offer them a reward for behaving. If I didn’t who knows what would happen. Like you said at that point its a matter of survival lol. I don’t do it everytime we go but when I see that they just aren’t up to shopping I do. I found another thing that’s helps well is getting them very involved with shopping. I ask them tons of questions about products and ask which they think is better and so on. I think getting kids involved with what we need to do is key. They wont get so bored with the task of price comparison etc.

John Hoch, PhD

This is a great topic and the back and forth is fascinating. I am also a parent and a professional in this field, doing parent coaching for parents struggling with children with mental health disorders and developmental disabilities.

What I notice most, is that parents is not that parents end up with kids who are over rewarded, but that parents tend to notice annoying behaviors and miss opportunities to reward positive behaviors their children do. “Catch them being good” is the toughest thing to coach. You can always slowly reduce the amount or type or rewards you give and increase how much the child has to work for it, but it is tough to reduce how often you reprimand your child or point out what they are doing wrong. (I catch myself doing this all the time…)

While there is a lot of discomfort with using rewards, I feel like most of the discomfort comes from when they are used poorly (too much given for too little, wrong type of reward, rewards given after a long delay ‘save up all month for a popcorn party’).

Research wise, there is a classic review of the existing psychology literature that, like the Freakonomics study (which hasn’t been reviewed or published yet…) that has shown that there is no reduction in intrinsic motivation in most cases (Cameron & Pierce, 1994) for those who like citations.

I talk to parents a lot about trying to ‘get the ball rolling downhill’ on a behavior you want to see more of, so the reward is what helps your child get more practice being nice to her sister or picking up his/her room. If a behavior never happens, your child will never experience the ‘intrinsic reward’ of doing it.

Personally I’d rather spend time in a household that use lots of rewards to get things done, than one that uses lots of reprimands and punishments with the hope that the ‘magic of intrinsic motivation’ will someday take over.

For me, exercising regularly is something that is incredibly intrinsically motivating (in fact, I get pretty irritable if I don’t do it) but I know for lots of folks an external reward is the only way to get started and arrive at the place where something like running gives you intrinsic rewards. Kids are the same way, some of them need more external reward to get ‘over the hump’ and start to experience the internal rewards.

Thanks for a great discussion forum and a great topic!

John

Jeanette

I am not sure if I bribe, reward or what….but I have 4 children and there are two things I KNOW they dislike doing so much that I DO bring candy and treats to ease them….having photos done, and procedures at the pediatricians office. The only way to get all 4 sitting and smiling usually involves a gummy bear or two, and who wants a strep swab done without a lollipop after? I feel the treat is less potentially damaging to them later in life than being tortured with these activities. I have seen some people really abuse these tactics, and slip treats as though they are training a puppy. As with any and everything…moderation.

Dia Barney

First I have to say thank you for chiming in on this subject to Tim Moore. Your comments were what I would love to have written myself.

I would like to see the research that shows loss in intrinsic motivation. I am curious whether that could be true, and if so, is it more of an issue of the use of rewards past the learning period, or simply ineffective use of rewards. I question this conclusion because why would anyone reward something that occurs naturally? If the behavior was self-motivated, the reward is unnecessary, and unlikely it was not even used… So how could something not used kill the motivation? At first glance I think this discussion on bribes is yet another attempt for a parent to justify his or her parental approach of nagging and a strong emphasis on punishment (positive and negative punishments).

I believe there is a huge misunderstanding of what negative reinforcement really is, so many people hear the word negative and assume it is something else. Understanding this concept would really benefit parents. I know that it has helped me. A temper tantrum in public that results in candy for the kid, thus quieting the child, is really an example of negative reinforcement. But not how most people think. It was positive reinforcement for the child, but negative reinforcement for the parent. Understanding this has helped me maintain composure when my little angel acts out in public.

Unfortunately, the basics of reinforcement are not common knowledge. Reward swiftly and appropriately. Rewards are in the eye of the beholder. Use appropriate schedules of reinforcement. (Phase out rewards when learning has occurred.) And as John Hooch said, catch them doing something right! That is so important and so easily missed.

P.S. I use rewards in my household, but most are in the form of sequences. First we do the chore, then we do the reward. So much so my daughter now asks for her milk by saying “milk first?”, knowing I may say we have to do (insert task at hand here) first. That might not be the best way to do things, but it seems to keep my toddler happy and cooperative.

http://mamammalia.blogspot.com/ Sylvia@MaMammalia

I wasn’t aware there was any doubt that bribes DO work – that’s why so many parents use them. That’s why most schools use the grading system. That’s why scholarships are offered for kids with higher grades. That’s why adults are willing to enter into careers for which they have no passion but for which there is generous monetary or lifestyle rewards. Bribes work!

The one thing this study does help clarify is the TYPE of bribes that might best work for different age groups. Still, I’m pretty opposed to the regular use of bribes to influence my child’s behavior – even with a reluctant preschooler. The long-term effects of regular bribing are much more negative and far-reaching than any of the short-term, immediate effects. I won’t get on my soap box here, but see Alfie Kohn’s is a good resource with tons of studies on this topic!

Anonymous

I think there is a time and place for bribery. I do not bribe my 2 y/o to help pick up his toys for instance. I do give him praise after the fact so he knows he has done a good thing. However, to use the potty, DEFINITELY. On the other hand, my BIL’s kids (all school-aged) have come to expect to be bribed. They will not do something if they are not going to get something in return. Sometimes they will pretend they’re not going to do something just to try to get bribed, because they know that’s the way it works. Personally I don’t agree with this, but not my kids so not my problem. I just know it really made me think about the whole bribing thing and how to go about it with my own kids.

Also, I think there is a difference between bribing and rewarding; bribing is telling them if they do something they will receive something, and rewarding is when they do something on their own and you give them something. All about the premeditation I think. But bribing should be used in desperate situations when nothing else has worked. Just my opinion.

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I vaguely remember learning the 5-1-1 rule. You know, you head to the hospital when your contractions are 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute long for 1 hour. During our Lamaze classes we were given instructions to cope with contractions and I anxiously awaited laboring at home. Except, it never happened. With my daughter, I… Read more »