MARCH 30, 1998:
There we were on Oscar Night, the five of us designated as "TV Eye"
Oscar watchers. Oh, I didn't say we were watching together. Holly Chacona
(HC) was in her lovely East Austin home, Robert Faires and Barbara
Chisholm (Babs and Bob) were safely tucked in their South Austin
abode, Stephen Moser (SM) was in Seattle but on my speakerphone while
I (TVi) sat in my Town Lake condo in front of the TV with Weezer. (Weezer
is a little young for this kind of in-depth criticism, still of the age where women
showing lots of skin constitutes his notion of good fashion.) Deprived of E!TV's
annual Joan Rivers' commentary, I was bitter but SM assures me the only thing
I missed (besides embarrassing herself by not knowing Mercedes McCambridge)
was when Marlee Matlin called Rivers a bitch in sign language.

Our mission? Rate the Oscars, and you know what for. Who cares about the movies
when a hairstyle or dress will make you gasp? And let's face it, when it comes to
the Oscars, most of us can assume a kind of blasé, seen-it-all attitude because,
well, because we have seen it all. Television places these events in our homes,
and sometimes at work. Of course we're the experts! Onward!

Overall comments

Babs: Oh, what a night to be average! Everything is so monochrome, pale.
The color of '98: pewter! What, is there a shortage of red lipstick?! And the major
philosophical query of the night, after watching women wobble across the stage for
almost four hours: Why can't more women walk as well as Samuel L. Jackson?
And whoever sang the song from Anastasia -- Major V.P.L.!

TVi: A word about black. You can't go wrong with it. It's the only color
that counts. And for Pete's sake, have we forgotten what a bra is for? Fay
Wray should have gotten a standing ovation like Stanley Donen.

HC: Is it too cruel to mention Peter Fonda's wife's hair? Somene
needs to tell her the Sixties are over. Except in reference to her age.

Bob: Wait a minute... Neve Campbell, Helen Hunt, Mike
Myers... Have I accidentally tuned into Battle of the Network Stars? Billy
Crystal is really pushing the envelope on that whole lapel width issue. And I'm
not too sure about this long-coat tux thing. Some of these guys end up looking like
Toulouse-Lautrec. All the white tuxes... I felt like I was watching Cab Calloway
and his orchestra. I kept waiting for them to break into "Minnie the Moocher."

SM: The costume award seemed appropriate.

On Kim Basinger

HC: As unexpected as her win, the dress was elegant and gorgeous -- true
movie star material. Edith Head is smiling from above.

SM: Well, okay -- she's been at it awhile, though not as long as Gloria
Stuart. Kim looked fab.

TVi: Clearly, she did not design this outfit. The frosty green was pretty
but was so wrinkled it reminded me of Princess Diana's wedding gown.

Bob: Appropriately humble, but she looks like she's had wa-a-a-y too much
coffee.