Loopy Lew a sign of things to come?

Sunday

Jan 20, 2013 at 6:00 AM

Sid McKeen Wry & Ginger

There’s been a lot of funning in the media about the way the presumptive new Secretary of the Treasury, Jack Lew, signs his name.

If you’ve seen any of it, you know that Lew, who’s been serving as the White House Chief of Staff, has a weirdo signature that looks like eight squiggly zeroes looped together atop a Hostess cupcake. For a fortnight now, one graphologist after another has been coming forward to pronounce judgment on what psyche may lurk inside the President’s cabinet nominee.

A handwriting analyst on Fox News said the signature showed him to be “compulsive.” She based her finding on the idea that stringing loops together to form an autograph is a tip-off that the guy just keeps on doing the same thing over and over again.

Well, that’s nothing new in Washington. Another ventured to Time that Lew’s curious curlicues may signal a personality who is “private” or “guarded” about revealing his real self.

All this pseudo-analysis reminded me of the story told about a fourth-grade teacher who became concerned when one of her pupils constantly drew pictures in which everything was black. He always made black skies, black water, black trees and black grass. First, she told the guidance counselor. The counselor took it up with a psychologist, who confessed he had no answer, so he confronted the child: “How is it that everything you draw is black?” The kid had a ready answer: “Because all my other crayons are broken.”

My own guess is that Jack Lew’s wild autograph means nothing — literally. The man should be the perfect fit to head the United States Department of Treasury. The way things are going in the federal government, we soon will be in the position of having nothing left in our treasury but a long string of zeroes anyway. So who better to have his name on all our paper money? On this score, anyway, Barack Obama has shown an uncanny sense of the right man for the right job.

I’ve always had atrocious handwriting myself. Back when I was the age of the kid with only one crayon, the teachers all complained they couldn’t make it out. Years ago when I started doing this column, my mother ran into one of my old teachers and told her I had become a writer. “My goodness — Sidney?” she asked, “however can anyone read it?”

My problems I blame on the lady who came around once a week or so to teach us penmanship — the Palmer Method, they called it. She was a fiend for ovals, so much so that we nicknamed her “Old Lady Round-o.” She had us write endless rows of ovals so that we’d use our whole arms, not just our fingers. Good theory, I guess, but it got me in the habit of looping zeroes just like Jack Lew.

When Mike Dukakis was governor of Massachusetts and later a candidate for president, he signed his name in a series of seven loops, one shy of Lew’s. But Mike’s downfall had nothing to do with his loopy handwriting. He had to climb into uniform and pose for a “photo opportunity” inside an old Army tank.

As for the Secretary of Treasury-designate, I’m already having second thoughts. Why would we want to hire somebody to manage the economy who compulsively makes loopholes all day? Hasn’t our generous government made way too many loopholes already? Isn’t that one of our problems?