[[Image:girlnextdoor.jpg|thumb|300px|Rare footage of the mysterious celeb]]

[[Image:girlnextdoor.jpg|thumb|300px|Rare footage of the mysterious celeb]]

'''The Girl Next Door''' is widely regarded as the ideal partner to any [[homophobia|red-blooded]] man. She is frequently mentioned in the media, usually as a feminine archetype against which celebrities and fictional characters alike are judged. Famous women who are lucky enough to meet her standards are then forever thought of as 'typical girl-next-door types', much in the same way [[Orlando Bloom]] is a '[[Johnny Depp]] type', or [[Tom Cruise]] is an '[[Adolph Hitler]] type'. Despite being a popular topic in the public forum for nearly 70 years, she has never once appeared in person.

'''The Girl Next Door''' is widely regarded as the ideal partner to any [[homophobia|red-blooded]] man. She is frequently mentioned in the media, usually as a feminine archetype against which celebrities and fictional characters alike are judged. Famous women who are lucky enough to meet her standards are then forever thought of as 'typical girl-next-door types', much in the same way [[Orlando Bloom]] is a '[[Johnny Depp]] type', or [[Tom Cruise]] is an '[[Adolph Hitler]] type'. Despite being a popular topic in the public forum for nearly 70 years, she has never once appeared in person.

Revision as of 03:36, October 6, 2012

“She lives next door.”

~ Captain Obvious on The Girl Next Door

Rare footage of the mysterious celeb

The Girl Next Door is widely regarded as the ideal partner to any red-blooded man. She is frequently mentioned in the media, usually as a feminine archetype against which celebrities and fictional characters alike are judged. Famous women who are lucky enough to meet her standards are then forever thought of as 'typical girl-next-door types', much in the same way Orlando Bloom is a 'Johnny Depp type', or Tom Cruise is an 'Adolph Hitler type'. Despite being a popular topic in the public forum for nearly 70 years, she has never once appeared in person.

A female entity of some kind, the girl next door is rumoured to inhabit the house next to yours. She is a mysterious creature known only by this title, her true name is unknown[1]. The girl has baffled landlords and peeping toms for decades, and there is very little hard evidence[2] of her existence. But who is she? What's she like? How can I make her love me?

Contents

Where Does she Live?

Judy Garland was often compared to the girl next door

She lives next door, hence the name. However, it has been questioned by the intellectual elite how she can possibly be everyone's next door neighbour. Some scientists have postulated that she is in fact some kind of ethereal life form that exists in multiple places at once. Others believe her to be merely a figment of some collective imagination, a symptom of the human condition if you will. There is yet another sect who insist that she is simply a different person depending on where you live, this group latter group have clearly not realised that the meaning of life is to be as funny as possible at all times[3].

Typically, the girl next door can be seen living out her life in clear view of anyone gazing into her bedroom window. The window itself usually faces into your bedroom, or - at the very least - the bushes behind her house. She can often be seen performing such innocent tasks as trying on clothes, stretching as part of her morning exercises, eating bananas, sausages and other phallic foodstuffs, and examining her breasts.

What Does she Look Like?

So is Halle Berry

Due to the subjective nature of reality, the girl next door is different to everyone. Some people are lucky enough to live next door to Kylie Minogue, Scarlett Johansson, Sophia Loren or Kimberly the pink Power Ranger[4]. Others are less fortunate, living next door to Maggie Smith, Dakota Fanning, Brian Blessed, and Mokujin - among others.

There is another theory that says she looks like Drew Barrymore. Drew has been described on several occasions as 'the ultimate girl next door'. But for some reason I have never seen her leaving in the morning or anything, maybe she works nights.

Attraction

Even Superman's first love interest Lana Lang has faced comparison with her

The average man finds the girl next door totally irresistible. This is because she is homely, reliable, and dependable. Not like all the other bitches you know, who are only interested in your money and getting to know your mum to a much higher degree than you yourself have ever managed to. Nay, she is just your average, fairly simple, but caring next door neighbour.

She probably hangs around with those other popular girls who hate you, but whenever they laugh at your nerdy haircut or inability to form basic sentences, she will secretly be on your side, and maybe even say something like "hey, leave him alone guys, he's just a harmless retard." This will make you fall even deeper in love with her.

However, unlike all those other girls, she is not what you call 'easy'. If she was a difficulty setting on Spider Solitaire, she'd be at least 11 suits[5]. The average straight man and lesbian might find this frustrating, but in the end, it just makes you want her more.

Doppelgängers

One thing that is known about her is that there is a girl next door for everyone, regardless of where you live. Thus, she has many doppelgängers, some of which are listed here:

The girl in the apartment above you (Apartment version)

The girl in the other dormitory (Boarding school/College/University version)