Sunday, 7 June 2009

Now I don’t watch the show, but apparently a finalist in The Apprentice has accused the programme’s makers of portraying her unfairly. The woman seems to be under the misapprehension that she’s attending a job interview, rather than acting out scenes for the benefit of the audience in a programme meant as car-crash entertainment for the masses.

For the benefit of those not familiar with the show, a variety of people with deeply routed personality defects compete to see which is the more hardened, unsympathetic, callous and psychotic and can best impress Sir Alan Sugar, an elderly and unattractive bullying entrepreneur and ex market trader in shoddy consumer electronics, becoming his assistant footstool bearer and general factotum for a year within his property speculation empire, hoping the experience will enable them to make millions in the cut and thrust business of stabbing everyone in the back.

Did you now that in 2005, Alan Sugar predicted that the iPod would be dead within a year. Last week he was inexplicably appointed Enterprise Czar by Gordon Brown and a cadre of traitorous, expense fiddling, arrogant and vengeful female ex cabinet members are known to be secretly plotting to have the renowned misogynist dinosaur replace Gordon as leader of the Labour party and unelected PM. It is widely rumoured that the appointment of Alan Shergar was based on the fact that he is able to create a massive one job per TV season.

It has been revealed for the first time that renowned octogenarian tin-pot dictator and Cuban singing sensation, Fidel Castrato, has been spying for the Americans since taking over Cuba with photogenic tropical fruit and T-shirt icon, Che Guava. Sources close to Piers Morgan allege Castrato was paid by President Dwight Eisenhowitzer’s administration to oust President Fulgencio Batista.