For The Weekenders: Ziplining at Venice Beach, Cash in Sulphur, Tango in New York

You know that little voice inside your head that you always hear? You know – the one that helps you make important decisions and what not. Well, if I’m right, it should be telling you this weekend that you’re in desperate need of a bit of adrenaline…a little bump (no, not the drug kind, you smack head…jesus. Go sit with Woodhouse in the corner).

Well there’s good news – you can get that – the adrenaline rush – and a lovely bird’s-eye view of some choice eye candy at Flightlinez Venice Beach. Where epic action movie sequence meets board walks and bikinis.

…if you wimp out, there’s always the bikini bar to hold your head in shame.

God knows I need a thrill…and this is the perfect place to get it, at 30 mph and five stories above sea level, there’s no excuse and no one to judge you when you gleam like a little school girl/guy inside through 30 seconds of almost-free-falling fun. It costs just twenty bucks to grab an experience like this, and if you’re a Venice beach resident that gets knocked down to $15….for those of you who look like you’re 12 – you could potentially get lucky and only pay $10. For those of you who don’t – I’d recommend catching up on your beauty sleep.

So once you get a little loaded (buzzed, sloshed, call it what you may) I recommend heading down to this epic landmark and giving it a spin. You can’t go wrong because it’s just about as much fun as those glory days of seeing just how crazy you were and just how high you could jump from the swings in the park – you know, before you grew some “common sense” (pfft….). If a 30 second free fly isn’t enough, they offer re-rides for just five more dollars. The price of….not-being-on-the-ground freedom.

Hopefully you’ll “zip” a bit more gracefully and look far more courageous than the fellow in black and red.

So after the adrenaline pump, it’d probably be a good idea to wind down at a spa….before hitting up the casinos. Hey – don’t look at me like that. I’m not much of a gambler – but I have a weak spot for Baccarat…and you should too – it’s quite fun 😉

Better yet why not do all of this in an Artesian hotel – as in, The Artesian Hotel, Casino, and Spa in Oklahoma. Don’t be fooled – Oklahoma isn’t just good for growing okra – but taking a load off and enjoying the less simplistic pleasures in life too. Like whirlpool baths….and insanely skilled massages. You’ll be so relaxed you won’t even feel tense at the table when you’ve just pocketed $500 in luck from Black Jack 21 and can’t decide whether to continue or leave.

Word of advice – house always wins. Take it and bow out gracefully and head to the bar for ONE drink. Let’s not spend all your earnings.

It doesn’t stop there – they also offer cleansing treatments for when you wanna be pampered after all that relaxing and massaging. Oh and get this – the water for the treatment is drawn from the same well that served as a centerpiece for the original Artesian Hotel…meaning it must be pretty damn nice. After a hard day’s (or hour’s) worth of gambling, go ahead and relax in your room, that’s decked out with beds soft enough to make you feel as if you’re sleeping on a cloud – and decor that was painstakingly put together by the finest interior decorators.

Besides a casino, there’s also tons more to do in the area…but that’s for next time. Instead, grab some dinner poolside downstairs – you’re going to need all the calories you can get…because it’s next stop, New York.

…and by New York I mean Malbec and Tango House. A wine bar and restaurant that isn’t just about drinking wine and stuffing your face – but watching people tango furiously while you drink wine and stuff your face. First, you start off upstairs – don’t try to be a hero here, the world of wines is a complicated one, and to the less skilled can really make a meal taste awful. So even if you are with that perfect 10 date, request the sommelier’s advice. Two reasons – a) you won’t look like you’re trying to impress; b) you’ll actually get a wine that goes perfectly with your meal. Order by the glass or a carafe. There’s more wine drinking to be had downstairs.

Next you head downstairs and either order up more wine or some choice cocktails before the show starts, and pick a good seat while you’re at it.

Preferably next to the graffiti…for now.

I recommend the Chichibirra – souvignon blanc, limoncello, ginger beer and some berries thrown in for fun. For your date, order the Cha-cha-cha – it has some history behind it (a historic cocktail known from 1945) which you can explain while she/he sips slowly hanging on every interesting word. It’s also comprised of Apricot brandy, Old Tom gin, peach puree, and sparkling wine…meaning it kicks ass in flavor.

Finally, onto the show – the show being nightly (yes nightly) tango theater. For this I recommend getting a good seat, so make sure you reserve a VIP box. You’ll like the intimate feel.

From there it’s smooth sailing (like it hasn’t been all this time) with conversation, drinks, and tango.

Just be sure not too drink too much.

I’ve yet to test their policy of getting up on stage with the pros. If you do…

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