Worst Contact chronicles the adventures of Tobes and Jesse. Our intrepid slackers are thrust into the spotlight after their middling podcast "Gnar Talk Radio" is accidentally uploaded to the NASA deep-space radio broadcast. It is well received by an alien culture who take it upon themselves to make first contact with Earth. Too bad they only want to learn of our existence from these two dopes.

- Episodes -

The Gnarlax have been asking more and more often about martial arts. It's probably because they've finally started watching Jackie Chan movies. Tobes and Jesse have on Judo Master Vaughn Rey, but how does one throw your opponent in zero gravity? Special thanks to Jacob Lowrey!

Tobes and Jesse got an email from this weeks guest very formally requesting to be on the show. Fran has a special message to send out to the Gnarlax and they're the only ones who can help find her true identity. Special thanks to Julie Marchiano!

When nature creeps in at the seams, when you find yourself cowering in the corner with a tennis racket, when the furry terror gnaw at your mind, there is only woman fighting back: Lyn Sears, animal control expert. She has much to teach Tobes, Jesse and Gnarlax alike. Special thanks to Molly Kearney!

Whaddup Gnarlax! This episode is special like brownies! Cuz Tobes and Jesse can only think of one man to help ring in this sweet, sticky holidank: their best bud Squirrel! You know why they call him Squirrel? That dude loves trees, na'mean?! Special thanks to Chris Higgins!

Tobes and Jesse have on guest Twercules to let the Gnarlax know what is going on in "da club." Things fall apart; the center cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world. Special thanks to Brandon Kieffer!

Tobes and Jesse are joined this week by Bradford T. Washington, a man who has decided to opt out of our consumerist culture. They teach the Gnarlax about the simple joys of living a minimalist lifestyle. Special thanks to Ian Owens!

It seems that the Gnarlax are just as obsessed with the macabre as we are. We brought on guest expert Kachel Rachel to discuss the horrors of humanity: serial killers. I wonder if she knows past guest Michael Caruthers (WINK). Special thanks to Meredith Kachel!

Though the Gnarlax have not asked for this episode, when Anthie Causswan reached out, Tobes and Jesse knew that they needed to do this interview. To educate mankind and Gnarkind alike about the Trans-humanist movement. Cyborgs are people too. As Anthie would put it, Cyborgs are the future of humanity. Special thanks to Andy Bolduc!

The Gnarlax have been quite curious about how humans view death. Like, to an alarming degree? Do they know something about current Earth affairs that we don't?! Anyway, Tobes and Jesse speak with death and corpse hobbyist Beyoncé Rosenblatt to get a better idea of just how much is involved in being dead. Special thanks to Rebecca Loeser!

Tobes and Jesse have been getting quite a few questions from Gnarlax regarding the nature of music and its importance to Earth culture. To dig deeper into the subject, they meet with composer and musician extraordinaire Robert MacCleff. The irony comes from faulty audio equipment and the shortcomings of their new intern Charlie. Sorry for the audio, we're making Charlie work on it. Special thanks to Jake Dewar!

The Gnarlax seem rather confused by deep, deep nerd culture. We bring on Thomas Salk, accountant and LARPer who goes by the Elven name Drizel Windrunner. Or is he an Elf that LARPs as an accountant? Where does the LARP end and "real life" begin? Special Thanks to Jamie Carbone!

Gnarlax have been sliding in the DMs with several questions regarding the nature of dreams. Those swirling shifting spaces right behind our closed eyelids. To navigate these murky waters, we've brought on dream interpreter Garmen D'Argento to help us see clearly. Special thanks to Hobert Thompson!

With the Holidays barely in the past, Tobes and Jesse have been getting quite a few questions from the Gnarlax on the nature of board games. They are joined by Dr. Lorenz Canard to move their education past "Go!" They then pay their guest $200. Special thanks to Tyler Jackson!

This episode is a live version of our show performed at the Machine Culture Fundraiser Show. Just in case you missed it! Special thanks to Dan Wilcop, Zach Bartz and Kevin Gerrity!

This week we packed up the rover and recorded on location outside of one of our favorite shows, Late Late Breakfast, to ask some local comedians what they would do if aliens arrived on Earth. Special thanks to Brandon Kieffer, Adam Kwaselow, Meredith Kachel, Bobby Budds, Liz and Danny Maupin!

Indiana Expert and Professional Ghost Hunter Tim McLaughlin joins the boys in the studio today. We teach the Gnarlax about the horrors of the Midwest and inside baseball. Special thanks to Brandon Kirkman!

The Gnarlax seem quite interested in our main means of transportation: the automobile. So, what better a guest than local car hobbyist and vehicular dweller, Barb. This Grandma knows how to hang and she only has one rule. Special thanks to Kristen Lundberg!

We all love Halloween. It's the absolute best! Tobes and Jesse talk with guest Michael Caruthers about some really spooky stuff: serial killers! Take a walk down the darker paths of humanity. Special thanks to J. Michael Osborne!

It seems the Gnarlax are more than a little intrigued by our nerdier forms of entertainment. Tobes and Jesse invite their friend Brandon Kirkman on to discuss the long-running anime and manga series "One Piece." Hold onto your cosplays, folks! Special thanks to Tim McLaughlin!

Tobes and Jesse teach the Gnarlax about the wonderful world of self medication! They have on their former classmate and noted beautiful person, Jillian Marciano, to talk about the mental health benefits of micro-dosing. Oh, and Jesse gets his feelings hurt. Special thanks to Carly Ballerini!

Tobes and Jesse learn alongside the Gnarlax as they delve into a topic that they are unfamiliar with: camping. Guest Waterfall Schneider teaches these two city boys (and countless aliens) about going out into nature, living deliberately, and cutting the power cord to commune with the trees. Special thanks to Kaitlyn Grissom!

This week on Gnar Talk Radio, Tobes and Jesse teach the Gnarlax about the horrifying world of robotics. Dr. Karey Anne Mason is our guest and we cover all aspects of the cute, metallic destruction that we are slowly building for ourselves. Special thanks to Kelly Opalko!

Tobes and Jesse go back to basics this week. The Gnarlax seem to be confused as to what exactly an expert is. So, they invite on Expert Expert, Dr. Derek Grey. Experts are his expertise. Special thanks to Aaron Ray!

Tobes and Jesse teach the Gnarlax about the harsh reality that is growing up an orphan. Guest Orphelia Nightblade, whose parents are totally dead, teach us much about loss and animals. Special thanks to Lydia House!

Tobes and Jesse sit down with Simon Softhands, one of the worlds greatest cat trainers, to teach the Gnarlax about the difficulties of training our feline friends. We promise that no cats were harmed in the making of this episode. Special thanks to Blake Burkhart!

This week Tobes and Jesse teach the Gnarlax about the wonderful art of acting. Their guest, master thespian Rummington Crams, opens up about his experiences and just how tough it is to live inside the mind of an actor. Frankly, it seems like a real mess of a time. Special thanks to Joe McMahon!

This week Tobes and Jesse sit down with noted naturalist Jeremy Stewart. They intended to teach the Gnarlax about the wonders of nature. Instead, it seems like they've stepped into some heavy shit. Special thanks to Brad Einstein!

Tobes and Jesse show the Gnarlax broader scope of Earth living. They sit down with explorer, and noted wanderer, Tim Clearwood aka Johnny Conquest. Johnny Conquest has never been lost. He's seen it all. Special thanks to Kevin Gerrity!

This week, Tobes and Jesse are joined by Petey, the world renowned child prophet! We teach the Gnarlax about what happens to a childhood deferred by the hand of God. Special thanks to Amy Thompson!

Tobes and Jesse sit down with Gene tha Juggalo Genie and teach Gnarlax and mankind about the least understood subsect of any genre of music: the elusive Juggalo. We learn about everything from face paint to free loading. Special thanks to Dale McPeek!