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Spring – Summer Announcements

Sheriff’s Activities League Wrestling Program — the Greater Berlin Valley Sheriff’s Activities League will be hosting a free wrestling program for boy and girls and others aged 7 – 19. This program is designed to introduce young people to wrestling, online slots, and general coercion. Practice will take place in the Zoroaster Junior High School Kiln Room from 8:30 to 3 on Wednesdays, or in case of glaze at Diamond Jen’s Fine Collectibles in the Old Berlin Historical District on the corner of Ponch and Jon streets.

Hansenville Fitness Expert Launches Boot Camp for Moms — local fitness guru Tyrone Slick has started an indoor fitness boot camp for Hansenville moms of all fitness levels except anorexic and morbidly obsese (but exceptions are possible if you’re really groovy). Ogle Body Boot Camp will be held at the Tri – County Fitness Lounge and Bistro (1492 Columbus Circle in Hansenville) every Tuesday, Thursday, and the following Tuesday from 5:30pm to 10pm. The first 20 to register will get three free drinks, a ride home, and the number of a discreet babysitter.

Basketball Jones Hoop Camps Start June 18th — The Basketball Jones day basketball camps make their triumphant return to the Tri – State area this summer. There will be a two – day camp at Patriot High School in Hansenville on June 18th – 20th, and a three day camp on the day after for those who need remedial timekeeping. All campers receive 12 hours of instruction, an account at the online casino USA of their choice, a water bottle, a rental basketball, a DVD copy of “California Split”, and “The Brighter Side of Darkness’ Greatest Hits” on cassette.

Zoroaster High School Football Camp Starts June 29th — Zoroaster High Fighting Scarabs Football is preparing to hold offer its annual non – contact youth football camp. This camp will offer daily instruction in every means of avoidance by current, former, and future varsity non – contact coaches and players. The camp is open to anyone who wishes not to be contacted. Someone will host the camp somewhere, at some time, but do not expect to hear about it and do not bother anyone else about it either. The camp begins now (maybe) and continues until further notice, which will not be forthcoming. The cost is somewhere between Free and $1 Billion dollars, because nobody likes to be pinned down or put on the spot.

In addition to the other interesting things going on all year it is really shaping up to be a doozy around here. If everything falls into place, I think this may be the year dreams are made of. I for one fully expect to make some serious memories. I can not even remember the last time I was this excited about anything. It Really Is Great!