Would that it were possible to discuss CBS' new drama "Shark" without describing it as "'House' with Lawyers." Unfortunately, the reason you'll see so many critics resort to this comparison -- pity the tasteless scribe who doesn't give the clear advantage to FOX's medical drama -- is because Ian Biederman's "Shark" has, indeed, just lifted the basic dynamics of "House." Despite the very game efforts of star James Woods, the pilot shows no hints of any similarities in quality.

Misanthropic Genius Anti-Hero: James Woods' Sebastian Stark is a slimy defense attorney, the best. For him, the legal system is just a game to be played for fun and profit. We know that information, because a character says the expositional information to his face. He apparently is also scum and bribes jurors. We know that because several characters say the expositional information behind his back. After he gets a wife-beater acquitted and the husband goes home and kills his spouse, Stark has a crisis of conscience, making him perfect for the new high profile crime unit in the DA's office meant to nail rich folks with fancy lawyers. He hasn't changed his caustic style, but now he has to use it to put guilty men away. Stark doesn't care who he insults, what rules he breaks as long as he gets results. He's a lot like Hugh Laurie's Gregory House, except that more has been done in the "Shark" pilot to soften and compromise Stark's character than has ever been forced on House in more than two seasons. He's got a teenage daughter (Danielle Panabaker), a faithful secretary and lots of soul-searching close-ups accompanied by tinkling pianos. Whenever House gets too soft, the writers have him tell off a small child. Stark would probably give the kid a hug.

Mismatched Team of Underlings: House has three doctors under his watch, never more and never less, and they're helpfully coded by race and gender to keep them straight. Oh yeah and they've also been decently defined characters from minute one. Stark's office seems to be full of wet-behind-the-ears lawyers and even after canning one in the first episode, he's still got four left and they're all stereotypes. There's the saucy hot-headed Latina (Sophina Brown), the prissy blonde (Sarah Carter), block-headed jock (Sam Page) and the guy I keep forgetting because he barely has a character at all (Alexis Cruz). From the very beginning, the kicker on "House" has always been that as easily as House believed he could categorize his minions -- Foreman as a crime-prone thug, Chase as a spoiled brat, Cameron as a sentimental ninny -- they've never been that easy to pin down. In the pilot, at least, these Baby Sharks are far closer to chum. Regardless, the supporting characters serve the same purpose: Basic clerical work, initial skepticism, eventual awe.

Frequently Undermined Sexy Boss:Lisa Edelstein's Dr. Cuddy and Jeri Ryan's Jessica Devlin have one very important thing in common: They're both strong and capable women who do their jobs well in general, but are invariably in the wrong whenever the hero is involved. Their strength makes it acceptable for the hero to sexually harass them at every turn. It's a perk. Edelstein is great on "House," but Ryan is capable enough that this could be a wash between the two shows.

Chirpy Jiminy Cricket Sidekick:Robert Sean Leonard's Wilson and Panabaker's Julie exist to let the heroes know what a good person would do in the same situation. Then they can be ignored. It took a full season for "House" to figure out how to make Leonard's character anything other than insufferable, so we'll let the "Shark" team flounder for a while.

Basic Plot Structure: The pilot of "Shark" involves a pop star, a murder and an online sex tape. Like "House," the narrative progression isn't investigative so much as it's "wrong strategy, wrong strategy, wrong strategy, lest minute miraculous turnaround." Although the "Shark" pilot was directed by Spike Lee, it's visually generic, lacking any signs of flair -- a la the "Fantastic Voyage"-style internal shots that make "House" fans go "Ew."

The Verdict: Good or bad, Woods has never given a boring or predictable performance in his career. This is a vehicle for him to be fast-talking, hammy and self-righteous, which he always does well. How long will Woods be able to sustain the show single-handedly, though? Barring a major injection of originality and unique voice, my hunch is that viewers will be able to reject this argument, even with a "CSI" lead-in.