Well, I daresay you'll look weary when you're 77. I daresay back at you. Although López García has more reasons to be wearier than most. He's running a bit late with a job, you see.

Our painter was like that. He spent so long prepping the walls that there wasn't time to finish the first coat that day, so it still wasn't fully dry by the end of the following day, which was the last before the bank holiday weekend, and now ... Sorry to interrupt, but we're talking about serious painting here.

Eighteen years? The word "mañana" springs to mind. Quite. López García was paid 43m pesetas, back when Spain still used pesetas, which is about a quarter of a million pounds. He has now been told that he must move into Madrid's Royal Palace, where the painting will eventually go on display, in order to finish it. According to José Rodríguez-Spiteri, who runs the place: "He needs to block out distractions."

Yes, whenever I need a calm and quiet space to write in, I always move to a gigantic palace full of incredible art in the middle of a world-class party town. You may scoff.

And I shall. But López García is a very famous artist, well known for his perfectionism, shall we say. Indeed, it is actually quite common for him to spend many years on a single painting. A feature film was made in 1992 about his struggles to depict a quince.

He's no Jackson Pollock then. López García does admit that he has struggled with this particular canvas, which measures 11ft by 10ft. "I just hope it turns out well," he says. "That is what worries me the most."

How reassuring. Not very.

Do say: "Well, it is quite a large painting."

Don't say: "Michelangelo could have done four and a half Sistine Chapels by now."