Question

Since having our baby, my wife expects me to do everything. How should I handle it?

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I know the moms out there will think I'm being unfair, but here goes: my wife hasn't done anything but breastfeed since our son was born six weeks ago, and I need help! I'm not talking heavy lifting, I mean opening mail, clearing off the table, and just showing appreciation for what I do -- which is almost everything. Is this normal? How long will it continue?

Mom Answers

Wow i guess i understand how you feel but on the other hand, what did you want your wife to do??? You mean to tell me that you can not function without someone stroking your ego and saying thank you...your wife and her body and mind are drained..i just had a baby and I could never done this without the support of my hubby..He makes sure that all I have to do is care for the baby and get some sleep..Im sure when your wife is up to it she will be doing everything your doing now and there will be no complaints...DONT BE A JERK..SHE IS DOING WAY MORE THEN YOU ARE RIGHT NOW AND SHE DOES IT WHILE, HUNGRY, EXHAUSTED, SORE NIPPLES, SORE VAGINA, FAT, HOT, AND STILL CANNOT FIT HER CLOTHES..JUST SUPPORT THE GREAT JOB SHES DOING AND GET OVER YOUR SELF...

Even though it seems you are getting some flack for posting your question- as a mom- to-be i thank you. My FI has been a bit grumpy the past few days and now I think I know why. With being super sick I have asked him to take on a lot- even with a hard work schedule these past few days. Instead of saying thank you I tend to b*tch about what he didnt do. This is a nice wake-up call and reminder, that while, yes, we have a lot on our plates and are tired, etc, you guys are too. I think it is fair to say to BOTH sides, that appreciate needs to be made known. Thank her for what she is doing for the family, just as she should thank you for what you are doing for the family. In times of stress and change, the little things often get overlooked. We each need to take time out of our day to be appreciative for all we have and all people are doing for us.

first of all, you sound like a great guy! second, it's important to remember that your wife is going through things, and it's not just laying in bed for fun. Keep it up for a while, it won't last forever. Ask your family for help if you are comfortable with that. Most grandmas love to come over and help and play with baby. Also remember that you are not just a servant, you are helping your wife and your child by doing these things, and yourself. It's a lot harder to deal with pregnancy, birth, and afterwards with a messy house and no groceries, believe me. Is your wife having any post partum depression? You didn't mention any reasons she is laid up for so long, but if she is, talk to the doctor.

Let her know how you feel - communication is important, especially in a stressful time like this! Word yourself sweetly however. I think a good idea would be considering getting her a breast pump. This way you can have milk stored away (not more than 3 days refrigerated, though you can always freeze the milk) and you can switch roles. This way, you can bond with the baby, and you get to break out of a routine. Sometimes just doing the same thing over and over again is enough to drive someone crazy! I hope this idea helps! :)

One of the main reasons I think women don't get help when they suffer from postpartum depression is because they are then labelled as lazy and selfish by people who have never gone through it and don't understand it. This particular situation sounds extreme. If any new father finds himself in this situation, he really needs to seek help for his wife/partner.

I would never expect my husband to do everything. yes getting up in the middle of the night is demanding but at the same time this is what our jobs as mothers is. In my family the male role is very important. Working and taking care of the outside things like yard work and garbage and vehicles is all that is asked of a man. Everything pertaining to the inside is for the female in the relationship. Women were created to take care of the baby cook clean and make sure her husband is shown that what he does means the world. Don't get me wrong I work 40 hours a week cook clean take care of mine and my husbands 2 year old and am pregnant with our second child. It's a lot of work but not so much that it kills me. My husband has a 40 hour a week job on top of being a volunteer firefighter and he does the yard work garbage changes oil in the vehicles. The last thing in the world he needs to be worried about is opening mail or clearing the table. He does enough for us as it is. I think your wife may be going through post partum and needs a little help from her physician to get motivated there is no reason for you to have to everything especially with no appreciation that is wrong.

Having a baby totally changes everything between couples. Maybe your wife is still hurting from the experience especially if she had a very hard time giving birth or more so if she was operated on. But this is not an excuse to leave everything to the father. There should be a healthier line of communication between the two of you especially now that you are both facing the daunting task of raising your child. Sit down with her and have a good heart-to-heart talk. She should know how you feel and you should also listen to her reasons. Who knows? She may still be suffering from the "baby blues" and while she may be physically ready to do things, it's a different question if she's emotionally or psychologically ready in being a mother. It's not easy being a parent but with enough help and understanding from each other, the experience is priceless! Talk to your wife, let her know how you feel but be sensitive enough to not sound condescending, patronizing or sarcastic.

There's a HUGE difference between having a partner step in and help and what this man is talking about. I don't care what situation you're in - if you refuse to do anything except nurse - that is selfish. This man is running the whole household and supporting it - she needs to recognize that being a mom is more than feeding the baby.

Well, you must be a very strong woman to do all those things on your own. But I really don't see women expecting the father to help out with things around the house and the responsibilities of caring for a newborn as "selfish." In my own situation, I was grateful that my husband stepped up as I suffered with severe postpartum. And I'm sure other women are thankful for their partners as well.

Well, you must be a very strong woman to do all those things on your own. But I really don't see women expecting the father to help out with things around the house and the responsibilities of caring for a newborn as "selfish." In my own situation, I was grateful that my husband stepped up as I suffered with severe postpartum. And I'm sure other women are thankful for their partners as well.

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