Understanding Event Protocol

Last week, a close female friend asked my wife if she could through her a baby shower, and my wife spoke up and commented that you don’t have them for past the first child. I am sure the puzzled look was unmistakable as she followed up with “come on, I thought everyone knew that.”

It made me wonder about other event protocol that I am naive about: Here are a few

How old is too old to go Trick or Treating? And is it wrong to tell the Thunder Cat costumed teenager with facial hair to get the hell of my porch if other little kids are within ear shot?

How long do you need to stay at a family reunion for before you can escape with uncle Greg and head to the bar?

How do you address your boss at the Christmas Party? Mr. Smith or Bob?

If you are at a Halloween party and the bartender is wearing lingerie with animal ears, is it wrong to notice? Is it wrong to comment to your wife that she would look better than the bartender in the same outfit?

Does the father or any other guys need to attend a baby shower?

Can guys through a dad to be a party at the bar similar to a 2nd bachelor party?

Is it wrong to wear jeans and tennis shoes to a non-holiday evening church mass?

At what point can a parent pull out the embarrassing photos to show their child’s new girl/boyfriend?

Is it absolutely necessary to choke down the caramelized yams at the Thanksgiving Dinner at your in-laws house if you can’t stand yams?

How many distant great aunts that you have not need in 20 years do you need to give hugs to and let kiss your 3 year old son, (Who freaks out after every one) while at a 4th of July party?

Why is potato salad required at every picnic?

What is the proper response to someone who buys you an amazingly thoughtful gift, that you either hate or will never have any use for? “Wow, thank you for the writing quill and ink jar. This will be extremely useful after the zombies steal all the ball point pens!”

Do you have the answers to the questions above? What other event protocol questions would you like the answers to?

"A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first a formidable outcry in defense of custom. Time makes more converts than reason." - Thomas Paine Common Sense.

Initial situation that inspired posts: I guess it depends on the situation. Since your little guy is 3 a full on baby shower probably isn't necessary. A lot of times the second shower will be referred to as a Sprinkle Party and just a time to get together to celebrate the impending arrival of the new baby but not necessarily to exchange gifts.

Trick or Treating: I would say junior high school age, you shouldn't swear at someone older to get off your porch if other little kids are within earshot but I would give them one piece of candy like Milk Duds or something else gross and tell them they are kinda old to be doing this.

Family Reunion: In some families one has to drink in order to survive reunions. Make one round to say hi to everyone if you must, then drink.

Boss at Xmas party: Refer to boss as you would at the office.

Halloween Party: No it's not rude to notice but don't lick the floor either. To save yourself from bodily harm keep such thoughts to yourself.

Men at Baby Shower: Depends on the shower...if it's a traditional hen party, no. If it's just an informal get together they yes.

Dad to Be Party: Ask your wife, she'll tell you no.

Casual Clothes at Church: As long as you have clothing on I don't see what the problem is. I am sure that God is happy you showed up.

Embarrassing Photos: Any time, it's a parent's God given right to embarrass their children.

Yams: If you don't like them, politely keep passing the plate. You are a grown up and know what you like and don't like, just don't say aloud "Eww I hate these!"

Distant Family PDA: Depends on the family member and situation.

Potato Salad: Because it's yummy and traditional.

Sucky Gifts: Say a polite thank you, regift or repurpose in the future.

"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?"Jeremiah 22:16

Last week, a close female friend asked my wife if she could through her a baby shower, and my wife spoke up and commented that you don’t have them for past the first child. I am sure the puzzled look was unmistakable as she followed up with “come on, I thought everyone knew that.” That's dumb. You can have baby showers for every baby. If people don't want to come they don't have to

How old is too old to go Trick or Treating? Never too old. If someone goes through the effot to dress up and they really want candy than you should give them candy

How long do you need to stay at a family reunion for before you can escape with uncle Greg and head to the bar? No more than 15 minutes. Family reunions shuold have alcohol.

How do you address your boss at the Christmas Party? Mr. Smith or Bob? However you refer to him at work

If you are at a Halloween party and the bartender is wearing lingerie with animal ears, is it wrong to notice? Is it wrong to comment to your wife that she would look better than the bartender in the same outfit? Not wrong to notice and not wrong to comment

Does the father or any other guys need to attend a baby shower? No. Convention says no guys, but if asked to attend you should still not go. baby showers suck the man right out of you

Can guys through a dad to be a party at the bar similar to a 2nd bachelor party? Absolutely

Is it wrong to wear jeans and tennis shoes to a non-holiday evening church mass? I dunno. But since jesus was a carpenter i would say its not wrong

At what point can a parent pull out the embarrassing photos to show their child’s new girl/boyfriend? As soon as they want. Parents can do whatever they want and you will sit there and like it

Is it absolutely necessary to choke down the caramelized yams at the Thanksgiving Dinner at your in-laws house if you can’t stand yams? No. If they insist then you are well within your rights to insist that they give you some liquor to wash it down with

How many distant great aunts that you have not need in 20 years do you need to give hugs to and let kiss your 3 year old son, (Who freaks out after every one) while at a 4th of July party? Tricky one. I would say all of them. You never know who might be secretly wealthy and ready to kick the bucket

Why is potato salad required at every picnic? Why do you hate America?

What is the proper response to someone who buys you an amazingly thoughtful gift, that you either hate or will never have any use for? “Wow, thank you for the writing quill and ink jar. This will be extremely useful after the zombies steal all the ball point pens!” Yes. That is the proper response

Last week, a close female friend asked my wife if she could through her a baby shower, and my wife spoke up and commented that you don’t have them for past the first child. I am sure the puzzled look was unmistakable as she followed up with “come on, I thought everyone knew that.” Your wife is right.

It made me wonder about other event protocol that I am naive about: Here are a few

How old is too old to go Trick or Treating? And is it wrong to tell the Thunder Cat costumed teenager with facial hair to get the hell of my porch if other little kids are within ear shot? At some point either late middle school or early high school you should stop. Or you will just get a single Tootsie Roll from me.

How long do you need to stay at a family reunion for before you can escape with uncle Greg and head to the bar? I'd give it a good 2 hours.
How do you address your boss at the Christmas Party? Mr. Smith or Bob?

If you are at a Halloween party and the bartender is wearing lingerie with animal ears, is it wrong to notice? Is it wrong to comment to your wife that she would look better than the bartender in the same outfit? No and no.

Does the father or any other guys need to attend a baby shower? Absolutely not.

Can guys through a dad to be a party at the bar similar to a 2nd bachelor party? Yes, but it shouldn't rise to the level of a bachelor party.

Is it wrong to wear jeans and tennis shoes to a non-holiday evening church mass? Yes.

At what point can a parent pull out the embarrassing photos to show their child’s new girl/boyfriend? Depends on the relationship and how serious it is. At least 6 months.

Is it absolutely necessary to choke down the caramelized yams at the Thanksgiving Dinner at your in-laws house if you can’t stand yams? Hell no.

How many distant great aunts that you have not need in 20 years do you need to give hugs to and let kiss your 3 year old son, (Who freaks out after every one) while at a 4th of July party? Avoid as many as you can. But do it discreetly.

Why is potato salad required at every picnic? Because it's easy to make and lots of people like it.

What is the proper response to someone who buys you an amazingly thoughtful gift, that you either hate or will never have any use for? “Wow, thank you for the writing quill and ink jar. This will be extremely useful after the zombies steal all the ball point pens!” A simply "Thank you very much" is all that is required. Then take it to Goodwill.

Do you have the answers to the questions above? What other event protocol questions would you like the answers to?

I don't have any questions. I have all the answers!

Oh wait, I have one. What is the proper response to grammar nazis?

"I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"

When attending your spouse's family Christmas gift exchange, what is the proper response to the question "So when are y'all having kids?" Is it inappropriate to say "None of your f'ing business?" or should one stick with the truth: "Hopefully never?" Does the response change knowing all the aunts have asked this question repeatedly?

When is a good time to prove to your spouse that he's wrong - and that he really does snore?

When you run into a Planning Commissioner outside of City business, and you are drinking, should you try to talk with them? And if they greet you first, what do you do with the drink?

When the really annoying coworker asks you to do some shopping for her daughter on your upcoming international trip, is the correct response "No"? And when the same coworker is then upset with you for saying no, do you change your answer?

What's the best way to deal with customer's screaming kids in the office?

"We do not need any other Tutankhamun's tomb with all its treasures. We need context. We need understanding. We need knowledge of historical events to tie them together. We don't know much. Of course we know a lot, but it is context that's missing, not treasures." - Werner Herzog, in Archaeology, March/April 2011

When attending your spouse's family Christmas gift exchange, what is the proper response to the question "So when are y'all having kids?" Is it inappropriate to say "None of your f'ing business?" or should one stick with the truth: "Hopefully never?" Does the response change knowing all the aunts have asked this question repeatedly? The appropriate answer: "We're not sure if there will ever be any kids, but we certainly like to practice" with an aptly placed creepy wink and a nod.

When is a good time to prove to your spouse that he's wrong - and that he really does snore? Any opportunity you can, especially if it interrupts your sleep.

When you run into a Planning Commissioner outside of City business, and you are drinking, should you try to talk with them? Only if you're not sloshed and not slurring words And if they greet you first, what do you do with the drink? Have no shame in your game and drink it as you normally would.You're an adult, and you aren't working so they really shouldn't be saying anything

When the really annoying coworker asks you to do some shopping for her daughter on your upcoming international trip, is the correct response "No"? Sure, only if you really don't want to. I would add some general excuse though so it doesn't appear you are simply trying to be a jerk. And when the same coworker is then upset with you for saying no, do you change your answer? No, just like with kids, changing your mind because they threw a temper tantrum only teaches them they can continue to do that

What's the best way to deal with customer's screaming kids in the office? Sir/Madam, it appears that your kids need your attention, so please feel free to come back when you have more time.