A Movie Drinking Game for Jurassic Park

A dino screams. Of course, we have no way of knowing exactly WHAT dinos sounded like millions of years ago. I mean, what if raptors really sounded like Sloth from The Goonies? Would they still be as scary? I’m betting they would. “Heeeyyyy yoouuuuu guuuyyyyyys!!!” [claws you to death]

John Hammond flaunts his Jurassic Park cash. Gotta visit some scientists? Take the helicopter! While you’re at it, land right on top of their dig! You don’t give a shit -- you made fucking dinosaurs.

Someone is wearing the same color shirt and pants. It happens more than you’d think -- Ian Malcolm’s the mathematical rebel, all in black; John Hammond goes for the all-white look of Grandpa at the beach… then you’ve got Muldoon. In khaki. ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. Every article of clothing.

You see a voltage sign or there’s some mention of the power. You see, here’s the problem with Jurassic Park. An electric fence can’t even keep a dog from running into the neighbor’s yard.

You learn a little something about our friends/oppressors, the dinosaurs. The most important thing to know is this: you can feed them cows on cranes all day long, but sooner or later they’re gonna want to come in and see what you’ve got in the kitchen . And sure you’ve got tubs and tubs of half-melted ice cream, but they’d rather eat your kids.

You get a lesson in chaos theory (a.k.a. Life, ah, finds a way). Chaos theory proves that dinosaurs, much like teenagers, will have sex no matter what you try to do to stop them.

A dino eats somebody or gets eaten. Dinos eating dinos counts, as does dinos eating humans. Humans don't eat dinos in this movie, which we never understood. I mean, there you are in the kitchen, you have a few of your Raptor friends over, they’re trying to eat you, why not eat them? What’s the big deal? You could just clone them again in the electromatic egg chamber. And SPEAKING of eggs…

Bonus Drinks

WATERFALL for the T-rex chase! Must drink faster...

Take a businesslike sip whenever you see business shorts (a.k.a. the blood-sucking lawyer’s dress shorts or Muldoon’s tight-ass khaki shorts -- which are technically business shorts since he’s at work the whole movie).

FINISH YER BEER for Ian Malcolm’s sensual greased pose! You’ll know it when you see it, especially if you already have this image as your desktop wallpaper. You know who you are.

Look, Rubby, I hear what you're saying. I mean, you're right -- the turtles rule. They know Karate and they eat pizza all the time. Sounds like Raphael would be the perfect boyfriend, right?
WRONG.
They don't have jobs, they live in a sewer, and they do whatever a sewer rat tells them to do. Plus, since they're turtles, I'm pretty sure they don't have a penis...and judging from that picture you posted, they may be mentally retarded. But this turtle? Now this is a turtle I can get behind.

Rubby

I had a crush on Jeff Goldblum when I was a kid. I also had a crush on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Rafael mostly, duh).

TJ

For those who are unaware, this is the fabled greased, shirtless Ian Malcolm.