I am on a journey to creating a lasting relationship with God while finding a way to live a life of worth. I am learning, slowly. I am fighting for recovery from anorexia and bulimia. I'm in recovery from self-harming, alcoholism, and drug addiction. These things may be in my past but that is NOT me, anymore. This is learning about healing and forgiveness. This is my journey and struggle from the tight grips of a deadly eating disorder and addiction. These are my steps to full recovery, freedom and salvation. I'm trying to find my way by creating my own voice and walking with God.

Tag Archives: pain

People downcast, is despair, see the disillusion everywhere
Hoping their bad luck will change gets a little harder every day
People struggle, people fight for the simple pleasures in their lives
But trouble comes from everywhere; It’s a little more than you can bear

I know that it will hurt, I know that it will break your heart
The way things are and the way they’ve been and the way they’ve always been

People shallow, self-absorbed, see the push and shove for their rewards
I, me, my is on their minds you can read about it in their eyes
People ruthless, people cruel, see the damage that some people do
Full of hatred, full of pride, it’s enough to make you lose your mind

I know that it will hurt, I know that it will break your heart
The way things are, And the way they’ve been
I know that it will hurt, I know that it will break your heart
The way things are and the way they’ve been

Don’t spread the discontent, don’t spread the lies
Don’t make the same mistakes with your own life
Don’t disrespect yourself, don’t lose your pride
And don’t think that everybody’s gonna choose your side

No matter the pain that shakes your bones
bruising the heart by thrown stones
No matter the silence that’s sewn shut
the words drowned out; blood from cuts
No matter the fear that knocks at the door
the monsters you’ve hidden, never spoken of before

No matter the shame that leaves you hiding
the memories of the dark leaving you blinded
No matter the control that you feel you’ve lost
the right to choose taken, leaving a ghost
No matter the sting that pierces the mind
the voice yelling for you to find…

I am not sure I have ever been 100% at a loss for words. But I am. There is anger I have never felt. There is a lot of confusion. I’ve had a burning migraine for the past 3 days and it’s killing me!! I can’t wait for work to be over so I can go pass out and sleep. I am so tired. That is the last time I let my depression keep me in bed for 2.5 days, because I have a big migraine telling me, “Fuck You!”. Oh, well. Only so many hours, then I can sleep. Hopefully my head won’t hurt anymore when I wake up tomorrow. I just have to tough out several more hours then BAM! Hello, pillow!