just another charming display of republican family values

Republican Sen. David Vitter is so moral. He hates abortions, gay marriage, immigrants and gun control. He was probably this close to assuring his place in heaven right next to Daddy Dobson. But – alas! – he has a soft spot for high-class ladies of the night. Luckily Vitter – who just admitted that he was one of the DC Madam’s clients (admitted being a relative term, considering he pretty much had no choice after she released his name from her phone records) – is quite confident in his absolution for this, though:

“Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling,” he added.

I love that when conservative Christians do something wrong in the public eye they’re always saying “I have received forgiveness from God.” I thought god was mysterious and awesome, eh? How the fuck do you know whether he forgave you or not? But who knows — maybe Republicans have some damn good God Lobbyists. I think the “God forgave me” is a cop out, though, and a condescending one at that. The subtext is always, “How dare you mere mortals/voters judge me! I have made peace with a higher being! How do you know? Uh, because I say so, dammit. Who are you to not accept my apology when God has?”

His wife’s take on all his infedelity?

“I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary,” Wendy Vitter told Newhouse News. “If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”