Let go let God
but let your forlorn
out like a FOG HORN
Like you wanted to scream
SO LOUD
You could wake
BJORN from a slumber in the heavens.
Say it and document it
lest you forget it.
REMEBEMBER
AND HOLD TIGHT
TO THE LIGHT IN YOUR HEART
WHEN THERE IS NO LIGHT
IN THE NIGHT
AND YOU FIND YOURSELF
ALONE IN THE DARK.

This is what I’m going to do.

I’m getting off FACEBOOK. Maybe Twitter. Or at least I’ll just not check it. I’m going to focus. I’m going to write a good book, and I’m going to dedicate it to my family. My family through both blood, marriage and adoption. We are…in this together, interwoven is our fabric. And I’m grateful for you, and hope someday you will have been grateful for me too. So this book is too many. More than just those I mention, but this book is to the Nielsen’s, the McDonald’s, the Bush’s, the Anderson’s, the Turners, the Lucados and the Youngs, and Boen’s…to everyone who’s path has crossed with mine. I hope that in some way by the time my fingers stop klitety klacking on the keyboard that I am able to say something that brings you joy, and makes you proud to have known or been connected to me….because I am not sure what this life is, but if it were a tree, you would be in my branches, and I’m grateful for the rustlings of your leaves, because not only does it give me peace that life and goodness continues, but it gives me joy in knowing that our lives were not for NAUGHT. There was a reason for YOU and I and ME….and maybe someday we will all better learn to be together, in the meantime in between time, I hope that you feel as if I’m always with you. Or that I’ve never left you. I believe someday my son Jacob will have children, and their children will read this and their children will….and we will always have confidence that God loves us beyond our comprehension. Moreso, I want to dedicate this upcoming walking talking unfolding LIVING BOOK to AMERICA, and all the people in it, because even if they are unaware of how used and abused they have been in the cogs and wheels and runnings of things being done by the ELITE, I am….I see it. And I pray peace…and I bet God is way way more cool than I know, and all things will work out good in the end….but we aren’t at the end yet. We are just at the beginning of the end.
I am writing this right now, at Clark Fork Beverage, where I’m currently employed (thank you Jesus I still have a job)….It is hard to be both a loose cannon and a responsible one that shows up on time and doesn’t cry through her shift. But I am figuring things out. I came in early today, to face my music, because my coworker Marsha yesterday kindly guided me through a “Black in….” Which is one of those things I like to call …. the burning ears and tingling fingertips and pit in your stomach when someone fills in the blanks of your previous day’s drunken douche baggery.

I appreciate Marsha for that because it tied together some loose ends of “WTF exactly did I get into yesterday?” Apparently I managed to come into the store, crying (for reasons that I will keep to myself at this moment) and soaking wet ….on my Trike with Ebbie….who was, I do remember, having serious issues with take off….)
I have arranged a harness/horse and carriage meets bike and dog sort of hybrid, and it’s less dangerous on the trike then when we ventured to do this on the bike. Ebbie loves it, she’s so strong, pure muscles, and pent up energy….she could run all day long, but I cannot, and I’m doing my best right now to be a good Dog Ma. Cause that’s all I have right now. We will have to work on it. She bit me hard…yesterday, several times on the take off, in a painful, skin piercing, lots of pressure sort of way….she wants to bite the tires so badly. She gets so excited before takeoff that she shakes and whimpers and chomps her teeth and wags her tail and paces and nervously bites both me and bike. I’m trying to protect me and the tires in this process, and that is what it has been, a process….but once we take off….we are flying….and it is beautiful here, and the air is refreshing, and it does me good to get some exercise. This Trike was a gift from one of my life’s most unexpected best friends, Shawn Norby, this past Christmas…It has six speeds, and while in sixth speed I can still feel enough resistance to both help Ebbie with the pace she is setting, (so that she is not completely responsible for pulling my weight.) And by summer perhaps I will shed these unwanted pounds that have led to some aches and pains I don’t wish to exist with.

If you don’t use it you will lose it.

It just is.

More soon, but now I have to get ready for work, for which I am so grateful. I remember what it was like when I was not able to make my own income and I had to rely on someone else’ or a man, or a hand, or a loan, hopeless and no home….or a ….I just hope to be able to be self sufficient right now…..so here I go.