Day 6

Before I start today’s report I should assure everyone that the wife is still alive and kicking.
Even though I maintain my idea of a human offering to the poker Gods is a good one I shall have to find an alternative donor; unless of course they’d be satisfied with a limb or two rather than an entire body.
The main news today (with Iraq and Afghanistan being pushed to the sidelines) is the 38th position I earned in the $250 freeroll at lunchtime. My $0.90 prize money has been added to the bankroll amid absolutely no publicity whatsoever. Another nine of these and I’ll be ready to play the money tables; with the way I’m performing at the moment, this diary will be entering its seventh year by the time that happens but my primary notes involve something else.
On-line nicknames.

I shall doubtless explain how I came by “Snowman” in the future but it seems a perfectly reasonable moniker. Some others, however, seem to be thinking on a completely different level; and it’s not a level I really want to visit.
I’ve always considered nicknames are something that should, at the very least, reflect something of the personality to whom it’s attached. Sure, there are those who shorten parts of their surnames or indicate something specific like a place of birth but anything else should be questioned with the utmost caution.

Bear in mind all these are all genuine names that players have given to themselves and ones I have personally seen. I guess I should be thankful that these individuals have restricted their ideas to an anonymous forum such as the Internet as anything more public is likely to cause a raised eyebrow or two. Some could easily start a riot.

It’s always nice to sit down with players like “pokergod”, “iwillwin” or “itakeyourchips” because you know straight away they are donkeys (see previous entries). However, today I had the pleasure to be in the same tournament as “big-boobies”, “SpurtMonkey”, “pitshit” and “analheat”.
“Spankyou”, “AINTGOTSHIT” and “BallDeepBaby” didn’t make the money but I must admit to raising a smile at “FourKingFlop”.
“Bot_Geldof” can look forward to a libel action at some point.
But this is by no means the worst.

Two weeks ago I was at the same table as “PenisFan27”.

Let’s examine this for a moment.
The operative part here is “27”. This implies there are at least twenty-six other people with a predilection towards pricks…I’m assuming at least some of these are female.
Now imagine you’re going to your local card room or casino, you sit down at your designated table, the players introduce each other and it comes to your turn to say hello, “Hi, Bob, Paul, David, Susan, Lynne, John…Penis Fan”, you could probably cut the air with a knob…I mean knife.
What on Earth were they thinking of?

Still, it leads me nicely to my daily gripe about the stupid plays to which I fell victim in my two losing tournaments, one of which saw me eliminated on the second hand. I shall explain what I did and you can decide for yourselves if you’d have done the same.
I won’t go into details of how I lost after just two hands of the $500 freeroll suffice to say I crashed A-7 suited against 8-5 off and was then wiped out with Q-Q against 9-7 off. Odds after each flop: 98% and 96% in my favor.