My waking hours are filled with many things...school,
laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning. In all
that I do, there is always a hint of a thought nearby, the thought of
how different those things would be with a toddler in tow. I do my best
to be thankful as I tackle my "to-do" list. I am absolutely thankful
to have the means and opportunity to educate my children at home. I am
more than grateful that we have clothes to wear, food to eat and a roof
over our heads. Even so, it all seems incomplete. And it is. Our family here is incomplete.
I know that one day it will be made right. I have no doubt that all
that seems incomplete is still completely in God's hands. Yet, I still
am left longing for what will never be here on earth.

It's perplexing.

There
is an incredibly beautiful song that Nicol Sponberg recorded called
"Home." There are no lovely pictures to see in the YouTube video below,
but you can hear Nicol's heartfelt words. (Nicol was an original
member of the Christian group, Selah. She is Todd Smith's sister and
lost her son to SIDS not long after Todd & Angie Smith's daughter,
Audrey, died just 2 1/2 hours after her birth. Nicol has walked a
difficult road; I find comfort in what she shares through her music.)

"HOME" by Nicol Sponberg

What is it like to be held in the same arms that hold the universe?What is it like to sleep on the chest of the King of heaven and earth?When you open your eyes and look on the face of the giver of life, the author of grace

Do you know that your days here changed everythingYou’re missed here and will always beBut you left here the greatest gift of all‘cause our hearts ache for home

What is it like to breathe in and breathe out heaven’s glorious light?What is it like to be robed in perfection, no reason to cry?When you feel on your face your Father’s kiss, His welcome embrace, we prayed for this

You should know that your days here changed everythingYou’re missed here and will always beBut you left here the greatest gift of all‘cause our hearts ache for home

So twinkle twinkle little star, we will keep you in our heartsTwinkle twinkle little star, we will meet you where you areYour days here changed everythingYou’re missed here and will always beBut you left here the greatest gift of all‘cause our hearts ache for home

I
am so struck by the line of the chorus that speaks to the greatest gift
being left with us...the yearning for our heavenly home. You left that
with me, my sweet Kristen. And as much as it brings tears to my eyes, I
treasure that very precious gift.

Our sweet Kristen...

Inspiration

"Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carriesus day by day."-Psalm 68:19

This verse was the inspiration for the bears I began knitting a few months after Kristen died. The knitting itself is therapeutic for me. I think, I pray, I listen to God as I knit each stitch. He truly does bear my burdens and carries me (sometimes it's minute by minute). A bear seemed like a wonderful reminder.

My Prayer

If you have found your way here because you received a bear, then this prayer is for you...

May God continue to grant you the grace necessary to get you through this very difficult journey. Our paths to get here may be different, but there is no denying the incredible pain that accompanies each of us. Lean into the One who created you, the only One who truly understands your pain and your heartache. He will love you through it...IF you let Him. I pray that you will.