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What would Jesus do? Layer.

11.08.2012

Layers are found everywhere in nature – from the strata of Kansas bedrock to the fusing bands of elements inside supergiant stars. Layering is not only a natural occurrence, but a necessary course of action as we endure the fickle Kansas forecast. So if you want to sidestep the morning shivers and afternoon sweats, check out these tips for stylish and easy layering. Because when the daily temperature change gives you whiplash, you don’t know what the fuck to wear. Or at least I don’t.

Here are three basic ideas to keep in mind as you layer up:

1. Please excuse my throbbing boner for denim.

Denim jackets and vests are some of the most incredible, versatile and functional pieces in a wardrobe. Put a denim vest over a leather jacket, or put the leather over fitted denim. If I see anyone rock a furry vest over a denim jacket over a plaid shirt, then I will buy that person a six pack of her favorite beer. Seriously, though. Denim. Say it again. Deehhhh-numm. Denimmmmmm…

2. To outerwear, or not to outerwear.

That is the question. Whether ‘tis warmer in the fall to suffer the bulk and weight of outrageous coverings, or to sweat your tits off in the afternoons and lug around a stupid coat all day. Well, it’s up to you.

I personally hate outerwear because it aggravates my sweating disorder, so I’m happy with a collared shirt under a sweater under a light coat of sorts. Then if the pits start to drip, I shed my layers like a planetary nebula because I’m a fuckin’ superstar with a sweat condition who sometimes gets cold. Ah, such is life.

So for those like me who have beef with outerwear, sport a blanket-like sweater or use a blazer as a fall jacket. With the latter option, top it off with a scarf and keep the rest of the outfit simple. I promise you won’t look overdressed. and if you think you do, keep in mind the great words of Oscar Wilde: “you can never be overdressed or overeducated,” (especially in Kansas).

Then again, if you have a light fall coat like the leopard one below, throw it over some denim, or put the cherry atop the layered sundae of your choosing.

3. Leggings, socks and thigh-highs, oh my!

Like I would forget about the legs. As an individual who will wear skirts and dresses regardless of the season, I extend my deepest gratitude to my collection of socks and tights for making it possible. With the proper combination of layered legwear, you can flaunt your limbs into the depths of winter, and as a plus, shaving your legs is now optional. Everybody wins.

Likewise, I know you all have leggings because I see more ass on campus than a fraternity does the day after recruitment. Extend the shelf-life of your leggings with scrunchy socks or legwarmers, and if you haven’t tried thigh-high socks over tights, you haven’t lived yet.

So this is it, ladies. This is layering – the gift where you hold the power to giveth and taketh away as your body temperature pleases. It’s like playing God, but more devious and fashionable.