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This was supposed to be the year of #MeToo and #TimesUp. Neither have made it onto Love Island. The producers’ hands are all over it, scheming. No one behaves this badly by choice. If you want to know how the backroom staff of a reality TV show behave watch the American drama UnReal.

A week in, and where are we? A woman’s pants – and bum – appear from the water, a dirty Lady of the Lake. She appears to have no head. She probably doesn’t need one. I initially thought that Love Island is porn, but actually its worse. It’s like watching women burn themselves. “The recoupling is looming,” says the voice-over. This means the women have been sacked from being in “couples” and have to re-apply for...

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