Two tablets walk into a bar. One of them bears an impossibly long and convoluted name despite its slim dimensions, and the other packs quite a bit of girth alongside its useful S Pen stylus. With an $80 gulf between them, the question facing the patrons of this imaginary, tablet-serving watering hole isn’t an easy one. That question is this: which one do I try to take home with me?

For the answer, check out our most numerically intense comparison ever, Galaxy Tab 3 8.0 vs Galaxy Note 8.0 (or “battle of the Samsung slabs,” if you’ve never been one for numbers). We stack the Tab 3 against the Note 8 for eight glorious minutes, comparing everything from physical dimensions to power plant to interface to -just because we had to- camera performance. And in the end, we tell you which one we’d buy if we were in your shoes.

Still hungry after this one, and unwilling to wait for our official Galaxy Tab 3 8.0 review (coming soon)? Take a brief hop back in time to the Galaxy Tab 3 8.0 unboxing to see where this week’s shenanigans began, and then venture even further back to see what our own Taylor Martin thought of the Galaxy Note 8.0 when he reviewed it last season. Then take your plaudits, complaints, and suggestions over to our brand-spankin’-new forum to plaster the walls with your very own opinions about Samsung’s newest additions to the tablet world, and stay tuned for much more in the days ahead.