Posts Tagged ‘mental health’

There was a time in my life when I was going through a transitional and painful period.

I could not have made it without the support of family and friends. But at the same time, I had to do the work to heal myself and move on with my life. In the process, I realized that I had to learn to be my own best friend. I had to be my own advocate.

At times, when my internal dialogue veered towards being hard on myself or to be despondent, I asked myself this question: “What if your best friend had come to you, and said that she had that same internal dialogue about herself? What would you say to her?”

When I thought about it, I knew that my response would be to sooth her, tell her not to be too hard on herself, and offer encouragement or a solution. So I started responding to myself in this manner, and I found that this strategy that I had read about, helped a great deal.

My healing, as most are, was spotty, but slowly I felt somewhat stronger. At the end of the year, when the shops were aglow and bustling with gifts and life, when everybody seemed to be happy, I decided that I would like to gift myself, for making it this far.

I wouldn’t buy anything that I need, just whatever that would catch my eye and evoke some excitement. One day, I walked into a Japanese department store, and I saw those small, beautiful blue plates with delicate white flowers. I knew that was my gift.

When I got home, and took out the plates from the package, there was a certain emotion, perhaps of calmness, associated with that act.

After that year I didn’t really keep the gifting as a consistent tradition. Some years I would buy myself a gift at the end of the year, some years I didn’t.

Today, my mind wandered to that tradition. But I think this year I have no need of gifting myself.

That’s because this year I have had the opportunity to spend much more time with family and friends, sharing history and strengthening bonds. I also made several new friends, enjoying the ease with which we could talk for hours, and offering each other support in our endeavors and in our understanding of the world.

That is my gift that has been handed to me this year. Intangible, but probably one of the best.

The Hong Kong Orchid in full boom. And along the way, it also took on fascinating shapes.

Spending time in the garden has taught me a lot of things.

Not just about plants and soil, but also other things, such as developing patience. Being patient, while waiting for a seed to sprout, or for a new plant to show buds of color and beauty. Being patient while the plants shuts down for winter, or shed its leaves, looking bare and undecorative.

I also learn that some plants may not root, and also sometimes, you can’t give up on a wilting plant, and that it can be nurtured back to health.

But walking in my garden in late summer, I was reminded of a life lesson I had been guilty of forgetting: that in my focus to reach my destination, I sometimes forget to really enjoy the journey or the stops along the way.

It took several walks in the morning or early evening for me to notice the flowers in various stages of bloom. It was as though I had never really paid attention to this before.

The Hong Kong Orchid, in its first few stages of blooms, astounded me with a geometrical-like shape. The baby plumeria spiraled outward with verve, reminding me of a top.

The flowers “talked” to me. And so I have to thank my garden for leading me back to this awareness. Thus, this year, I will remind myself that on the way to my goal or to whatever else I desire, I will be mindful to enjoy the journey, and not just the destination.

Five minutes: that’s all it takes. A study conducted at the University of Essex found that five minutes of activity in the presence of nature (green exercise), such as taking a stroll in the park or gardening, can produce an improvement in mood and self-esteem.

Learn to be happier, or to have more happy moments every day – that’s a popular New Year resolution worldwide.

Happiness is both a definable and an abstract concept. What constitutes happiness may differ from one individual to another. There are some components of happiness that are valued by almost everyone such as enjoying positive time with loved ones and friends. At the same time, each of us has to manage our own mood and frame of mind. Here are some interesting, simple tips and strategies that I have come across:

Remember as kids, for weeks, we would excitedly look forward to a coming event or outing? Turns out planning or looking forward to something is a big mood booster. Researchers found that planning a vacation makes you happier and for longer than actually being on vacation. Similarly, planning to meet a friend, to read a certain book or to check out a TV program has that same effect.

It’s beneficial to let that inner kid out again: always try to have something to look forward to.

If you have some extra money, would you be happier using it to buy that shoes/shirt that you’ve been wanting or would you happier when you use it to buy a concert ticket or for a short trip?

The art of daily happiness.

A San Francisco State University study found that people who spend their money on life experiences were more satisfied and happy in the long run. The reason is that the initial happiness we get when purchasing an object can fade over time. On the other hand, the experience continues to provide lasting happiness through memories. And often, when we reminisce, we might land on some new insight.

Displaying souvenirs and photos around the house accomplishes more than just decorating our spaces.

People who use mementos or photos to remind themselves of good times better appreciate their lives and are happier, says Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a professor of psychology at University of California, Riverside. These objects remind us of happy times and hold a promise that we can reach them again.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” -Mahatma Gandhi.