Relationship Consultations & Coaching

If you have questions about unconventional relationships — Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM), BDSM, transgender, intersex, same-sex, inter-racial — Dr. Elisabeth Sheff can help provide you with answers. While she is a Sociologist and not a therapist, Dr. Eli can give you information from her own and others’ research, help to put things in a larger social perspective, and provide the guidance borne of talking with hundreds of people about their relationships and families.

Relationship consultations are great for folks who have questions about the inner workings, wisdom, maintenance strategies, and safety of unconventional relationships. Coaching sessions provide ongoing guidance in developing skills, exploring strategies, dealing with conflict, clarifying boundaries, and expanding self-soothing strategies. Come solo, as a couple, or a group, and get your questions answered or build your skills and break through your communication rut.

To schedule an appointment, email Eli at drelisheff@gmail.com

RATES
$150 per hour or 4 hours for a $500 retainer*

Relationship Consultation

These consultations are designed to answer clients’ questions regarding their own actual or potential relationships. Dr. Sheff uses her research data to answer client’s questions and offer feedback about what others have done in their position. Sessions aim to provide information and help clients to clarify their own thoughts and expectations, and consider some of the pitfalls that are common in this type of relationships, how other people have dealt with these difficulties, and how those various strategies worked out. These sessions last from 1.5 to 2 hours, depending on the client’s needs and the number of clients involved.

Relationship Coaching

These ongoing coaching sessions are designed to help clients identify relationship patterns, improve communication skills, and devise strategies for managing challenges. Using extensive research and knowledge from 20 years of interviewing and observing polys and kinksters, Dr. Eli can help clients contemplate a wider perspective and consider a range of alternatives. While therapists witness and support clients as they seek out and treat the roots of personal issues, Dr. Sheff’s coaching style can provide guidance when clients want it. In addition to research based information, Dr. Eli can provide advice and opinions if clients are interested in that kind of direction.

Initial Session

If Dr. Eli is speaking with one person, the telephone is best and the first session usually takes 1.5 hours. When there are two or more clients involved, the initial session takes 2 hours and Skype or Gchat is better than telephone. After the initial session many clients prefer to drop down to 1 hour sessions, though some choose to continue with longer sessions.

Dr. Eli bills in 15 minute increments, and occasionally clients end up with 15 minutes left over from a 2 hour session. Those minutes can roll over to another session if clients wish.

Cancellation Policy

You are welcome to reschedule as needed, though I have a 24-hour cancellation policy: If you give less than 24 hours notice, you forfeit one hour of your deposit. While deposits are non-refundable, the coaching time is transferable to later within that same calendar year.

*Needs-based sliding scale

While clients often discuss their emotions during these consultations and there is plenty of room for expressing feelings, these are not therapeutic sessions and Dr. Sheff is not a therapist. For clients who wish to seek ongoing therapy, Dr. Sheff is happy to provide clients with referrals for therapists.

Hear what Dr. Eli’s clients have to say

Dr. Sheff has been an invaluable resource for me as a relationship coach. She has provided valuable insight and information regarding different relationship and communication structures, and reflection, guidance, and perspective, thus helping me gain much needed clarity.

She has helped me access ideas for activities, systems and methods I can employ daily to find my own truth and sense of self. She is motivating and uplifting, and extremely easy to connect and share with, especially given her compassion, warmth, and incredible sense of humor.

Her support has been invaluable throughout my journey and I give her the highest recommendation for helping people through challenges they may be experiencing.”

~ M.K.

Thanks so much for the chatting with us today. We took so much away from the conversation & feel much more confident about talking with the kids.

It’s nice to know we have someone to turn to if & when we have questions or need some advice in the future. Up until today we’ve been a little bit of blind wanderers. So thank you! We can tell you are educated yet real… it was a refreshing combo. If we run into custody issues I will keep you posted. We never imagined ourselves in this lifestyle, but here we are.

Thanks for all you do!”

~ J., T. & A.

We were in various forms of a polyamorous relationship for over a decade before we decided to formally divorce. “Divorce” felt like a misnomer for our intentions and experience, so we searched for different models and found Eli’s research. It helped us greatly to think through our experience!

We called her up for a consultation and had a great talk that has laid the groundwork for a productive process of dividing up our assets while still maintaining our sense of intimacy and closeness.

We highly recommend talking with her if you find yourself in a similar space!”

Books by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

The Polyamorists Next Door

Marriage and monogamy are not what they used to be, and today many couples are opting to start families before getting married, or deciding not to get married at all. At the same time, gay couples in states that recognize same-sex marriage are getting married in droves. Some people prefer non-monogamy and have relationships that include swinging and polyamory. The landscape of American marriage and relationships is changing, and a variety of family systems are developing and becoming more common.

When Someone You Love is Polyamorous

Having a friend or family member come out to you as polyamorous can be confusing and stressful. Chances are, you have a lot of questions: Is this just a phase? Won’t they settle down someday? What’s going to happen to their kids? Do I have to invite all their partners over for Thanksgiving dinner? Why can’t they just keep it in the bedroom? When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous offers answers to these and more questions, to help you better understand and support your polyamorous loved ones.

Stories from the Polycule

"Stories From the Polycule by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is not just a book, it’s a response — to the constant questioning and misconceptions that polyamorous families are often faced with due to their choice of lifestyle." —Desiree Guerrero, Advocate

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff is the author of The Polyamorists Next Door, a blog featured on Psychology Today.

Using empirical information based in academic research, this blog explores the issues facing polyamorous relationships and families. It covers topics as diverse as sexuality to parenting, jealousy to coming out to families of origin, and employment and housing discrimination to online dating.

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Meet Dr. Eli

One of a handful of global experts on polyamory and the foremost international expert on children in polyamorous families, Dr. Elisabeth Sheff has studied gender and families of sexual minorities for the last 16 years.

Sheff’s television appearances include CNN, and the National Geographic, and she has given more than 20 radio, podcast, print, and television interviews with sources from Radio Slovenia to National Public Radio, the Sunday London Times to the Boston Globe and Newsweek.

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