Category: Family

Some years back, I read in the papers the story of a lady, who was very sad because her mother refused her to marry a man she wanted to marry when she was young. The story was that the lady immediately she finished from the University went for National Youth Service, there she met a young man who was also in service and both of them fell in love, and was about to get married. The lady brought the young man to her mother, but the mother was totally against the marriage, and asked the lady not to marry him, but rather look for another man. What was the reason for the mother’s refusal? It is simply because they are not from the same tribe. What a shame!

To cut a long story short, the lady obeyed the mother and after sometime, the man moved on. The man later got married and now has his family with children, but the lady ever since has not met any man for marriage. She has grown old now and totally bitter towards her mother. According to her, she has lost hope of ever getting married in her life.

What can we learn from this story? We must understand that what is important in life is not our race, colour, birthplace e.t.c. what is more important in life is who we are inside, not outside. The inner man according to the bible is the real man. When we are dealing with people let us put aside prejudice, but rather look for substance, be it at work, in our community or concerning marriage. When we are making our choices, we should be more concerned about our character, and what each one brings to the table, rather than the colour of our skin or which part of the country/world we come from. Remember 1 Samuel 16:7

“But the LORD said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart”.

I just watched a video of a mother eagle teaching the baby how to catch a fish. I know it could have been easier for the mother to just catch the fish and give to the baby, but she didn’t want to do that. If she doesn’t teach her, she will never learn, and so will remain a baby forever. What a story.

I brought this story out because I believe it is a good lesson for us as parents over our children. It is a known fact that we love our children dearly, but then there are still things you have to teach your children to do on their own. Some parents, because of the “love” they have for the child want to do or give everything to the child. As a parent you can’t do or give everything to your child. No matter the love you have for your child, there are things he/she has to learn to do for proper growing up. For example you can’t love your child so much and want to write exam for him/her. That will amount to fraud.

We must understand that obstacles and challenges are part of life. There are obstacles that you need to overcome to go the next level of your life as a child. For instance, a student needs to pass an exam to be able to be promoted to the next class.

It is important that we start teaching our children to start taking some responsibilities right from an early stage of life. We live in a strange world where a lot of children are taught only about their rights without responsibilities. The end result is a disaster

The following points may be of help. You too can add your own points and make it better, namely;

• Don’t buy everything your child requests. Moderate what you buy. Children want everything they see, but you have to start early to let them know that money has to be budgeted for, because you don’t have all the money in the world. I have a common “line” for my 6 year old; “have you asked me if I have the money to buy what you are requesting”. That has stayed with him, so he has to ask first before making most of his requests. You hear him say “Daddy, please do you have money to buy ice cream for me?”

• Give your child some tasks to do at home. Allow your child to do some tasks at home so as to help him/her know he/she has some responsibilities. The following can be helpful, depending on the age of the child

• Encourage your child to do volunteer work and summer holiday jobs. If you have a young adult in the high school or University and depending on the age encourage him/her to take up volunteer or summer holiday jobs. Please do this within the laws prevalent in your home country. For example, a University student can take up summer holiday job that will enable him/her to earn some money, which he/she can use to buy one or two things when school resumes. This will boost his/her confidence concerning life. It doesn’t matter how wealthy the parents are. It is not about the money really, but the act of development that matters more.

• Encourage your child to join service units in your local church. This is the most important because it has both spiritual and physical rewards. As your child is serving in the church, he/she is blessed spiritual and physical, and by God’s grace that will take him/her away from negative gangs on the streets. We have equally seen children who discover their God given talents from serving in their local churches. You never can tell. I know some gospel artistes started right from their local churches.

Remember that bible says in Proverbs 22 vs 6;“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it”

OVERCOMING THE ENEMY CALLED LUCK
As I walk the streets of Lagos, South West Nigeria, I see quite a lot of people who are involved in lottery hoping to “hit” some big money. These lottery houses are now attracting all manner of people, including; old and young, male and female. When I was much younger, what was prevalent then was “Pool” and almost all their customers where old men, but times have changed. Young people who should be putting their minds to productive use are the main customers to these lottery houses these days. I read a report in the UK some years ago which stated that almost everybody that won big money in jackpot has gone bankrupt.

Even in our churches today, you see some Pastors give the brethren the impression that they can just confess and possess all things, without doing anything. It doesn’t work that way. A typical example is the story of Joseph; people believe that Joseph got a 24 hour miracle from prison to palace, but I beg to disagree. The manifestation of the miracle may be overnight, but the processes that led to the miracle were never overnight. Do you know the steps Joseph took to get to the palace? Let us see what led to the miracle as written in Genesis chapters 37-41;

• The dreams• The Pit• Potiphar’s House• The prison• The palace

Our marriages are not left out. Today we are seeing this enemy called luck manifesting. People get married hoping that things will just work out on its own. No proper plan/commitment and that is one of the major reasons that the divorce rate is rising by the day. It is equally easy for someone to say that a marriage that is working today is because the people involved are lucky. Please don’t buy into that idea. Only lazy people depend on luck for success. If you desire good marriage, you must take deliberate painstaking steps to achieve that.

Is it not also sad that some parents give birth to children these days without adequate plan to cater for them? Some even believe that since the children are gifts from God that somehow the children will be catered for. What happened to family planning?

Friends, if you are not married, start planning/working for a successful marriage. If you are married and things are not going well, start asking the right questions, and be ready to take the right steps. There is no “free lunch”, even in Freetown. You are created for the top, and so don’t settle for less. Remember:

• Proverbs 12v24 “ The hand of the diligent bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute
• Proverbs 21:25 “The desire of the slothful killed him; for his hands refuse to labour
• Proverbs 22 v 29 “seeth thou a man diligent in his business? He shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men
• 2 Chronicles 27 v 6 “ So Jotham became mighty, because he prepared his ways before the LORD his God”

To overcome the enemy called luck in your marriage/home the following among other things are very important, namely;
• Continually remind yourself that you are not a product of accident. God created you for a purpose.
• Ask God your creator to show you the purpose for your life
• Be ready to take steps in fulfilling the purpose as revealed by God.

As we celebrate ST, Valentine’s Day, popular called the “Day of love”, it will be important to draw some lessons from the act of love exhibited by St. Valentine, which has attracted many to the story concerning him. There is no better time to share this story and learn some lessons than now. I have seen people express love to one another only to turn and hurt the same people they say they love. Love is not just in words, but in deeds, and not just in deeds, but good and excellent deeds. Someone said “you can give without loving, but you can’t love without giving”.

Statistics abound today all over the world that shows that the divorce rate is higher than it was some years ago. The same goes for domestic violence, with greater percentage of victims being women and children.

Our perfect example is our Lord Jesus Christ who laid down His life for the sake of mankind. St Valentine also drawing from the grace of Lord Jesus Christ did the same for the love of others. How great and lasting our marriages/homes would have been today all over the world if we imbibe the same spirit of love exhibited by our Lord Jesus Christ, as practiced by St. Valentine.

From the love story of St. Valentine, I have drawn three lessons, which I think is very useful today in our marriages/homes. And you can add your own if you so desire, because the list is not exhaustive.

1. Love is sacrificial
St Valentine sacrificed his freedom and life for others. This is a man in spite of the dangers to his life still went ahead to conduct Christian marriages for young people. In our marriages/home we should strive to live a life of sacrifice. Remember our perfect example is in Christ who said in John 15 vs 12-13 that;

“This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”

2. Love is selfless.
The second lesson from the story of St. Valentine is that he was selfless in his service to mankind. He did all he did not for his own benefit, but for the benefit of others. How glorious it will be if we can dedicate ourselves to serve the interest of our spouses and children in Marriages/homes. Some people are only concerned about “me”, “myself” and “I”. This has led to so much tension in our homes today. Remember the teaching of our Lord Jesus Christ in Matthew 20 vs. 26

“And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant”

As a Christian, I am called to serve, and my home is a perfect “Service Station”. You too can serve in your home today.

3. Love defies all odds.
St, Valentine defied all odds to practice his faith, and to do what he believed was right. There are many who have left their marriages/homes simply because of little challenges. Some are at the verge of divorce right now because of one challenge or the other. It is very easy for people to give up these days under the slightest discomfort. Please remember that tough times don’t last, but tough people do

As we celebrate St. Valentine’s Day today, let us celebrate in REAL LOVE

How many times do you hear people say (especially our sisters) that I want to get married and settle down. Some people feel that until they are married, they are not complete or settled. I have good news for you. The moment you give your life to Christ you are settled and complete. The fall of man at the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3v1-19) made man to be incomplete; because man is made of spirit, soul and body; so at the fall, the spirit man died, but Christ has redeemed us from that curse and has made us complete.(Ephesians 1 v 7)

Every single must have the mentality that he/she is settled and complete in Christ. It is not marriage that makes you complete. Remember that the bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, (Psalm 139v14); so go out there and give your life the best shot because you are created for success. Don’t ever allow anyone to dampen your enthusiasm for life simply because you are not married yet

You are settled, complete and have a glorious destiny in Christ. Remember nobody can oppress you without your permission, so don’t allow anyone (including the devil) the permission to do so. You are created for the top. Remain ever blessed

I have observed with keen interest, that we put in so much energy and resources into our wedding ceremonies these days, with greater part of it going into hosting of guests, popularly called “reception” in my part of the world. Some people go to the extent of taking a loan in order to be able to entertain guests, there by having a huge debt to pay back after the wedding. This has the tendency to create tension in the home of the newly married. No believer who has the wisdom of God should allow this kind of scenario to play out in his/her home.

In as much as it is good to entertain your guests, if you have the means, I believe that it is much better to channel more of your resources and energy in preparation for the marriage itself.

Marriage for believer is not something you rush in and rush out. It is a life time covenant for any believer that knows what he/she is doing. You have to invest time and resources to make sure it works. People get married these days without “proper ground work” done, for instance;

• How many people read books on marriage before going into marriage?• How many search the scriptures to see God’s plan and purpose for marriages?• How many seek the face of God in fasting and prayer for their intended marriage?• How many know to a reasonable level their prospective spouse?• How many have done proper background check on their prospective spouse?

Yet these days, we are more concerned about:

• What dress/suit to wear• The hall/venue to be used for reception• What kind of food and drinks to serve the invited guests.

We have a lot of funny stuff these days. Some marriages crashed even before they started. I heard a story of a couple that started quarreling right from the wedding reception hall. Others can’t say exactly their spouse’s source of income.

Let us be wise. Remember proverbs 24 vs 3

“Through Wisdom is an house builded, and by understanding it is established

I always feel aggrieved whenever I hear someone give excuse for bad behaviour by simply saying I had a bad upbringing/past. The truth of the matter is that your bad past can’t determine your future if you don’t allow it. As believers we have the capacity by the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ to decide what our future will look like. If you had a bad past it can be a motivation for your future or a drawback, it all depends on you.

Every adult is absolutely responsible for the outcome of his/her life. Personally, I was about 2 years old when my dad left and got separated from my mum, so as a child I didn’t really have a father at home to look up to. My mum worked very hard to make sure that we had food on the table; waking up very early in the morning and coming back late at night. I saw how my mum suffered without much help, so I made up my mind that my own marriage was going to be different irrespective of the difficulty faced as a child. I never allowed anything to dampen my enthusiasm for a healthy and prosperous marriage. I got so intoxicated that years before I got married, I used to share with my colleagues at the work that I was going to have a glorious marriage. So while sharing my dream with my colleagues one day, one of them who was married looked at me and said “you don’t know what you are talking about; wait till you get married first”, I smiled and told him I know what I am talking about. By the grace of God, I can boldly say today that I knew what I was talking about. So many people can’t see it that is why they are not experiencing it. No wonder my father in the Lord said that “you can’t participate in a future you can’t see”.

Please don’t allow your past to determine your future; move forward. The following scriptures will be of immense help here;

• 2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have passed away; behold all things are become new.

• Philippians 3:13 “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forth unto those things which are before

• Genesis 13:15 “And the Lord said unto Abram after that Lot was separated from him, lift up now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art northward, and southward, and eastward, and westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I give and to thy seed for ever