Wanderer. Writer. Perpetually single. What? I have shit to do.

#PitchWars 2016: Pimp My Bio

In an effort to up my writing game and, hopefully, up my chances of agent rep, I’m entering my adult contemporary fantasy manuscript into PitchWars this summer.

What is PitchWars? A horde of awesome authors volunteer to take on one mentee of their choice and tear apart their manuscript to make it SHINE WITH THE GLOW OF LOVE AND MOONBEAMS. Then the revised MSs and queries are run thru the gamut and pitted against each other in pen-is-mightier-than-the-sword duels until one winner emerges.

That’s a lie. Multiple winners will emerge because the prize is an agent and people will be plucked up like candy in a small town parade.

Anyway.

In an effort to put myself out there and charm a mentor with my brash yet adorable personality, I’m participating in the pre-contest event, Pimp My Bio.

If you already know me intimately, feel free to close out and do something more productive with your time. Like knitting. Or discovering Big Foot.

Before I get down to the fun stuff and because mentor wishlists are now live, I thought it prudent to include a small summary of my manuscript, an adult contemporary fantasy with science fiction elements:

Tallulah “Tally” Fisher takes a job as a sea monster hunter with secret company, Barbary Security, to find out the truth about her father’s death and to keep his fate from befalling others, but when mutiny rises, she’s forced to choose a side before the world sinks into chaos.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Important Life Moments: A Rap.

The name is Alex, or Alexandria,
and I come straight outta the corn fields of Iowa.
I spent my whole life there, traveling everywhere
from New York, to California, to wherever we found a cheap fare.

I studied too much in university,
even spent six months abroad in Germany.
I loved it so much I chose to faff over to Austria
and teach a bunch a teens about football, English, and America .
After a year, Austria and I parted ways
when I flew over to Korea one late August day.
You see, I get ants in my pants when I stay one place too long,
and I need new locales to keep the wanderlust strong.
Add in a salary better than most in America
and I couldn’t pass up starting a new job in Korea.

Now it’s two years later, and I’m sitting here
on a small pile of cash, a new manuscript, and ice cold beer.
It took a lot of courage just to admit
that writing is everything and to go after it.
But extra time, peace of mind, and a killer idea
made the perfect combo to get me outta Lotteria.
When I’m not teaching English to the tiny children,
I’m often writin’ sci-fi, fantasy and other fetishes—
including sea monsters, grammar and horrible puns,
which are always two days late and bad, but fun.

If I were forced to say somethin’ about my hobbies,
I’d list ’em all from frisbee to tattoos to dabbling in photography.
Most weekends you can find me sweatin’ up a storm
or pushing to the limit some fantastical earworm—
’cause honestly, the best ideas just won’t leave.
Much like Harry Potter and Dumbledore’s magical pensieve.
Aside from the usual, like writing and reading,
my closet passion is really culture collecting.

Okay, all right, I’ll bring it down to business.
TLDR: my current FMC has been workin’ on her fitness.
She slays krakens by day, and even by night,
working for a secret company that hides all the fights.
And when mutiny rises up in the ranks,
she picks morality over flash-and-bang.
I really wanna tell this story all over town,
so if you’ve gotta hankering, oh boy I’d be down
for some late nights, gif-fights, and hopefully friendship
over too much coffee and help revising my manuscript.

Right now this poem is winding down
and I’m not sure what else to talk around.
While this is goodbye, I’ll leave you with this:
I’ll be the best damn mentee, so put me on the short list.