Anders Behring Breivik was a man on a mission and his primary mission was accomplished. Because the accomplishment of his mission secured him with jail time, which is time with a lot of time for himself, aka time during which he won’t be disturbed by text messages and invitations to hang out, he will be able to move on to mission #2 undisturbed.

Think about it – some of the great artists withdrew away from people to be alone and undisturbed and during that time they produced some of their greatest masterpieces. Genius writer Henry David Thoreau wrote Walden while staying at a remote cabin on a lake. Likewise, J.D. Salinger who wrote The Catcher in the Rye lived a solitary life in a remote village and requested locals never to tell anyone asking for him where he lived.

You may recall the line from the monologue by Red, a character played by Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption presented after the admission of Andy Dufresne to the facility:

…and when they put you in that cell… and those bars slam home… that’s when you know it’s for real. A whole life blown away in the blink of an eye. Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it.

Nothing left but all the time in the world to think about it. Elsewhere in the movie Morgan Freeman says:

… in prison a man will do most anything to keep his mind occupied.

Case in point – a person locked up in prison will end up with a lot of time on their hands. Common issues the lot of us who live outside the prison walls are faced with on a daily basis are of no concern for prisoners. It’s all about the daily routine and a lot of time to think about things. Well, one can spend the new found time thinking about things, or use it to do write a memoire – something many of us would like to do but because struggle for day to day survival gets in the way, we can’t even get started.

From that standpoint, Anders Behring Breivik could not have asked for a better outcome than getting locked up. He did what needed to be done and now he has all the time in the world to focus on writing about it undisturbed.

Suicide

Throughout my whole life, I viewed suicides as something negative, something I would not consider no matter the circumstance. I don’t necessarily see it that way anymore.

As I have stated many times before, we are not free. Freedom we live in is faux. And as the technology progresses, it’s only gonna get shittier. We are under nonstop surveillance and with the introduction of facial recognition software and drones flying above our heads, we soon won’t be able to even fart without Big Brother knowing all about it.

The reality of faux freedom shows up the clearest when we notice the persecution of researchers who have had the nerve to challenge the dogma. Günter Deckert was imprisoned for quoting Jewish researcher Franciszek Piper and was unable to defend himself because any defence lawyer would also be thrown in jail solely for defending him. Likewise, David Irving was deported from Canada in handcuffs for his historical research which challenged dogmatic beliefs. Or… just look at what’s happening with Wikileaks founder Julian Assange, or what they were trying to frame me with for publishing a video which showed what really happened during our time on this planet.

No my friends, we are not free. We are under surveillance and at the mercy or the powers that were (powers that be is no longer relevant – even the richest and most powerful man will have to answer to forces hundred times stronger when he departs this life). But while on this planet, we can only be whom we want to be and do what we want to do for as long as it’s within the scope allowed by the masters. Deviate but an inch outside of it and you’ll be ripped to pieces.

While you have little to no control over them, the power that were have a lot of control over you. There is precious little you can do about it, yet there is a lot they can do to use it against you. While still on this Earth, they are all powerful, while you are all powerless. The good news? They only have this power over you here, on this Earth. Their Earthly powers mean nothing outside of this life.

So why did I say earlier that I didn’t necessarily see suicide as something negative? It’s because I realized how limited our freedoms really are and how ruthless and remorseless the powers that were are with everyone who has the nerve to take the rose colored sunglasses off and tell others about the world outside of the golden cage. The powers that were spare no resource when it comes to eradication of anyone who challenges their dogmas. They have all the power over us and are not afraid to abuse it. They can do absolutely anything and everything to any of us – but for as long as we are alive. As soon as one removes themselves from the pool of the living, any and all control they may have had over them will cease to exist. In death, a man is finally liberated. In death, a man is finally free.

After Death

None of us knows what comes after death. We the Fleshy Viruses have been around for millennia, yet none of us has or has ever had any solid clue as to what happens when we die. Theories are many, proof none.

One possibility is that after death, there is nothing. Another one is that our soul will be set free from this Earthly body to exist in another dimension to do whatever. None of us simply knows for sure.

The thing is – on the pages of Best Gore we have seen images of people taken after their deaths and some look very unenviable. There are images which make us think – how tragic for a person to end up looking like this after death. Yet there is a possibility that while we who are still alive talk all kinds of things about their post mortem bodies, they could be looking at us from another dimension realizing how it means jack shit to them now.

We could be looking at a person with their head pancaked and brains exploded and they could be looking back at us thinking how it was totally worth it. Maybe what happens after death is so liberating, no one would give a second thought to the way they died or how it made them look. Maybe Ted Bundy looked down at us after his execution and while we down here were thinking that we had punished him and rid ourselves off his presence, he laughed thought to himself:

If only you losers knew where I am now. If only you knew that it’s not you who are rid off me, but me who is rid off you. If only you had executed me sooner. I could care less that you are passing pics of my fried body around and saying all kinds of nasty shit about my person, cause look at me where I am now as opposed to where you are. Oh wait… you can’t you bunch of fucking losers, cause you’re still on Earth!

Conclusion

Suicide is the most powerful weapon any of us have. Nobody, regardless of how rich or powerful they could be has any power over you in death. This is something people like Leonard Lake, Jim Jones, Michael Marin, Heinrich Himmler, Hermann Goering as well as many others realized and utilized. By committing suicide, these people stripped the powers that were from any and all control over them.

Since nobody knows for sure what comes after death, one need not worry about what they will look like after death or what people will think about them.

To end where I started – if Anders Behring Breivik does commit suicide after writing his books, then he will have played out everyone to the last miserable sheep. First he did what needed to be done, that secured him with a lot of undisturbed time to focus on writing and then he will kill himself so none of the sheepish bad mouthing or abuse will mean anything to him anymore. Pure win!

To understand the premise of wanting to be in control of one’s own death, one would have to be in control of their own life first.

Author: Vincit Omnia Veritas

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161 thoughts on “Open Post #14 – Suicide”

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we are only truly free when the zombie apocalypse turns up and the laws & authority of the world fall. then and only then we are no longer tied to the law and are able to live for ourselves under our own rules we wish to impose on ourselves

theres a barn…and inside that barn.. good people, good whiskey, a card table.
just a matter of “who” you really want to spend the afterlife with
and remember…afterlife is a lot longer than regular life

Honor, shame, pride, hopelessness, mental illness, physical pain, anger, isolation, so many reasons. Suicide is the ultimate FTW. The lessor of two actions, suicidal is better than homicidal. Not for me though, I’ll just chill out with a big bowl of ice cream.

“I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way” Perhaps this meaningful exerpt from that epic Paul Anka song perfectly suit Anders Behring Breivik.

On freedom, I phone idiots… Well the siri app records everything you say to it and sends it to apple. The local cable company Comcast now offers in home cameras you can put in every room and monitor from any device, I’m sure its just eyes for big bro. Facebook logs every single thing every single user does. There are cameras on almost street light now, not to mention some electric poles. It’s insane.

Suicide is a mans way of telling the world, you can?t fire me, I quit.

Ok, I stole that one but it is a good summary, in this rotten world we are subject to all sorts of pain and suffering and we have control over very little of our life and lets be honest our world is getting a lot worse and there will be more pain and suffering to come so suicide can seem appealing at times, it?s a personal choice and I hold no resentment towards those who choose to do it unlike some of our religious communities.

suicide is great,it gives us all something to view online,thing is do you go alone or get into to history books by taking as many unwilling people with you,i guess time will tell,cant rush these things as you can only do it once so i suggest carefull planning either way you go

With all the posts here related to suicide I have given the topic some thought. To be honest I also don’t view suicide as something bad never really did. It is a selfish act in my view if there are people who love you but on the other hand if you live for other people that is even worst.

I don’t think I will commit suicide ever, just because the only reason I would is to know what happens after you die (really curious about that lol) but I know that eventually I will find out so I will try to enjoy what I have here (though in the recent years I am not enjoying it…) and whatever happens, happens…

My view on what happens after that is as good as anybody else’s I have no freaking idea. But I wish and I hope its not nothing. I am nor religious and the concept of heaven and hell seams really broken to me but I really like a quote from a Zack Hemsey song:
“They say things never truly die but change in existence and switch design”

If someone you cared for died of cancer(a disease) would you call them selfish?Now if they’re depressed (a disease) and they kill themselves(succumb to the disease)shouldn’t it be looked at the same? I’d say YOU’RE the selfish one for wanting them too stick around and suffer! To say that it seems you don’t know what it’s like too wake up and not feel any beauty or happiness in the world around you. Tah look and see people enjoying themselves while all you feel is pain. You have physical pain from depression. Your body is sore and your mind is sore.
~?ire aontaithe

You misunderstood me. Yes I think it is selfish but I would never blame anyone who has done it. I also said I don’t view suicide as a bad thing. And trust me I know what is to wake up in a world you hate and to look around and not like what you see. I know what depression feels and I would never blame anyone for taking their life. All I said is yes I think its a selfish thing to do but that doesn’t make it a bad thing in my eyes. I think Mark used the best words here. It is our strongest weapon against all the bullshit in this world.

Once again we are dealing with a grey area when talking about suicide.
In general I think suicide is a cowards way out… but in certain cases I think suicide or assisted suicide is warranted.
Take Sue Rodriguez for example – she battled for an assisted suicide till she could no longer do it for herself. The law was not on her side and would not allow an assisted suicide. Finally with the help of an anonymous Doctor she was able to take her own life.
If you are terminally ill and don’t want to be here anymore I feel that is your right to decide.

On the other hand, people who kill themselves just because they can’t handle what life has handed them is a coward in my eyes.
For example – Kurt Cobain… coward.

Well the mind can sometimes be a very fragile thing.I’m sure a lot of people who took their own lives at some point said to themselves they would never do it .Depending on how you look at it I always thought people who committed suicide were brave because I sure don’t have the balls to take my own life .Do you guys?

I’ve been trying to commit suicide since I was about 12. I’m just so obsessed with death in every form and I want to know what it feels like. True, suicide is selfish and cowardly. But I’m a fuckin’ sociopath who doesn’t give a flying fuck what you people think. What ANY people think, in all honesty.

I’m probably going to commit suicide in the next month or so. My problem is, I want my peers to see it so it can shock them. I want the people I’ve shared memories with to see my passing, and for it to stand as a stentorian call of carelessness; A declaration that no matter how much people have loved me or helped me they are nothing to me. So I will take myself away from them, because humans never deserved the love of a God like me.

There is no question in my mind that death is simply death, and that I will rot into the earth to become soil to feed unknowing heliotropes as they spring into this desolate and disdainful sphere of shit we call “Home”. Why do I know this? Because it’s fuckin’ logic. I am a devout believer in Science, and only Science. My Savior is Charles Darwin, my God is Evolution. Common sense tells us all the truth, but the SHEEP drown out their gut feeling with religious texts, priests, etc. Faith is the downfall of Nature.

There is a God within us all, and a Satan. Will you abstain……or will you indulge? To kill oneself is a true indulgence, a true bitch-slap to nature. Death is the most powerful component of God, of Nature. To take death, which is the best thing any human has ever done, into your own hands? Well, that’s just plain out disrespectful to the ‘God’ within telling us to abstain. It is pure indulgence…Which is another reason why I must commit suicide.

My whole life and creation has been a showcase of purely indulgent acts, from my self-inflicted lacerations to my deep and abiding addiction to cough medications (specifically Dextromethorphan) & cannabis.

To kill myself would be a complete and total show of dominance:

I ruled my life. Not my MOM, not the GOVERNMENT.

ME. I picked how I lived, and I select how and when I die. It makes me horny, the amount of power within my own hands. And no, that was not a masturbation joke 🙂

So, my opinion on suicide is that every human should do it. I believe that humans are all worthless, and what better way to cleanse them by letting them do it themselves?

My ironic selfish reaction to your post is that if you want to die, then that’s your business, but I’ll be damned if I won’t lament the loss of such a person as yourself with such great conviction! Very admirable. 🙂

Ah, but, to lament over a passing is more selfish than the aforementioned & intended means of passing I’ve selected. If dying is my wish, I’ll have achieved my ultimate goal at the end. If I have gotten what I desire most, then you are truly only sad for yourself. Do you mourn over a man who has achieved perfection? 🙂

My theory on death is it is just a dreamless sleep, where you cease to function and your body dies. No souls, no afterlife, no conscious reactions. Your brain stops, and you are just gone. Nothingness. Forever. Death is solution to every problem we must fix on earth; No man, no problem.

If death is not so, and it is not the true end to all of my existence, I never wish to meet it. Truly, death is the ultimate escape for one such as me, one contemplating naught but abhorrence & destruction. I have fantasies of inflicting terror, but the risk is too high where I currently reside. These fantasies are not achievable.

Also, I have come to loathe human interaction and socializing in day to day life. I seclude myself and more oft than not ruthlessly reveal this disdain to people who have illusions of a ‘relationship’ with me. I have no emotion, no empathy towards people, just a hollow cold hate.

If I die, I’ll never have to talk to anyone ever again 🙂 Basically an extreme form of conceited laziness

I find myself relating to about half of what he says (except for the disdain towards others) I think he has a very powerful point. Ps I definately will take my own life before I can’t be coherent or wipe my own ass. To generalize the time I plan on it

Interesting.. It’s your life to do as you please. But I don’t support it. Not like it matters what I think or support, but just throwing that out there, in case your potential suicide video happens to surface someday.

To the sheep, I say this:
I AM A GOAT, A GOAT OF SATAN
Not the fictional satyr-man who lives in ‘Hell’, but the one in your mind, the one that is real and tempts you. Satan is within your mind, and mine. And he tells me to kill myself.

If I ever have to take my own life, it will be the way I want to. I will empty out 96 bottles of visine full of acid into my eyes and mouth. Yea… I will see all of earths secrets and I won’t share them, only with my unearthly buddies. 😛

what does await us on the other side? If reincarnation is true and we just end up back on this rock in a new body, I will be pissed the hell off. Unless I am born into the family of the powers that were, if that’s the case then I’d be too busy enjoying secret underground gladiator fights to give any fucks.

It goes both ways. To say you support suicide would be a joke. To say it is a horrible selfish thing to do would also be a joke. Many factors can be different from person to person contemplating suicide. Accepting that someone may take their life is one thing. Supporting it and looking at it as a good thing just adds to how disgusting and warped our views can be. There really is no grey area.

Cannibal holocaust=respect.
Yep suicide is a messy subject. When someones had enough then screw it.
like Hemingway spent part of his life out fishing and he blew his brains after such a long life. If Cobain or Hendrix didn’t die they would be on Vh1’s “desperate celebrity drug addict dance show”
Here’s the problem, If today’s pop icons..lets say… Gaga, were to die.. then all of humanity is fucked to hear her name for the next 30 years.

Anyone want to take bets? I put $5 on that wigger rapper from the 8mile movie.

?But I didn?t realise it meant you had to go about calling things that maniac did as ?pure win??

You don?t have to go about doing or saying anything you don?t want to, Mark expressed his opinion and unlike our governments he his not going to force that opinion on you, so feel free to have your own opinions, on this site everybody is opinionated.

My personal view about whether Anders Breivik is a psychopath, well, His cause was one many people can relate to and feel strongly about and he certainly did kill a lot of people for his cause however our armies do this on a daily basis so my conclusion is that a psychopath is defined in the eyes of society as an individual who partakes in murder for their own reasons whereas a large group of people who do the same but for shared reasons such as an army are not psychopaths.

Once you strip the herd mentality and the socially created psychological control factors away Anders Breivik is no more psychopathic than anyone else, the difference is that whilst we moan and complain about things he decided to do something about it, therefore the answer as to how to define Anders Breivik, a man of action should suffice, from then on it is up to the individual to decide.

I like you Empty soul. You thinking is clear and true. No side is taken, only told as it is.
Personally I think suicide i weak. Its the easy way out, and easy has never done anything for homo spaiens. Look at us now. Every new thing the poeple who run media tells us to buy makes our life “easier”. Thats bullshit cause all i see is everybody gettig fat sitting on their couch watching preprogrammed propaganda. We are meant to fight and struggle. This system of governance our ” world leaders” have let them put us under is goin to collase at some point. Whoever is there to stand up for what they believe in and fight for it will. Come out on top as the Decider. You can’t do that if you killed yourself.

I don’t think I’ll ever want to kill myself. Unless my physical being gets afflicted with something extreme like ALS, pancreatic cancer, or I somehow become a quadriplegic. Emotional issues, societal issues, etc. aren’t enough to bring me to that choice, because I know no matter what, I can make things better again.

I didn’t ask to be a part of this world, but I’m here, so I’m going to do what I want to do. What keeps me happy. I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids, so I can afford to be selfish like that. Other people are the only thing that ever really depresses me, anyway, but to throw my life away over them is a joke. It’s easier to just withdraw into the things that make me happy. Like beer, books, movies, and music. Until I have the fortitude to deal with humanity again. Even if I lost all those shallow, ultimately meaningless, material possessions I’d continue on. There’s other means of happiness out there. I just have no reason to look for them right now.

As far as letting cultural BS, and governmental nonsense, making me want out… No. I’m not going to kill myself over something that I don’t have any control over, anyway. Society is going to ebb and flow for better or worse around me throughout this life. I may live in the system, but I don’t have to be a part of it. Or, rather, I’d like to be as little a part of it as I can be. Also, no matter what any idealistic rebellious person does to try to affect society, society is just going to move on. They’ll be boiled down to a label like “extremist”, or “terrorist”, by the Mass Media, and the short attention spans of the viewers will only let them care until the evening news is over. So, if you ask me, there’s no point in using your life to make a *point*.

All that said, I can understand why some people commit suicide. Like one of my heroes, Hunter S. Thompson. He killed himself for reasons that I can only speculate on from reading his books, and what I’ve read about his personal life. I wish he hadn’t done it, but it was his choice, and I respect it. If people want out of this life, this world, then that’s their decision. It’s just not one I can see myself ever making unless all this gets really, really bad…

I’m grateful that I turned out to be “okay” after the things that I went through as a child. I was 8 when saw my dad holding up my mother by her legs so she wouldn’t suffocate on the noose. Ive tried to block it out of my mind, so its vague. But I still remember the scar she had. She one time took a knife and stabbed her wrist. Again, I was about 7. Up until recently, through high school she began turning her rage towards me. Hitting me with a closed fist, degrading me, fighting for no reason and kicking me out of “her” house. I began to wish she would finally do It. So I never again consoled her and now I can’t stand her. She’s better, but I find myself angry angry at her all the time.
Now, that she is herself again ( with chemicals that enable her to function normally) I am happy she didn’t do it.

The sad thing is now, my younger sister is showing symptoms of her illness and has told me she has homicidal thoughts. What a world, man. For some suicide will bring happiness and freedom, but to the ones left…well fuck.

@LadyLazuras -I’m so sorry you went through that. I’m not that educated on depression, but have always been leery of Big Pharma -especially the way they market their medications (w/Cartoons!) on tv now. My sister’s on meds now & it scares me sometimes -the way

@LadyLazuras -I’m so sorry you went through that. It’s a lot to handle when your own mother is going through such extreme depression. I’m not that educated on depression, but have always been leery of Big Pharma -especially the way they market their medications (w/Cartoons!) on tv now. My sister’s on meds now & it scares me sometimes -the way she now views the world is (dare I say, Sheepishly?) But she gets on, she’s happy w/her new husband & children and she can live her life. I’m glad your mom’s doing better, though. (I trust your sister’s getting help, too?) Not to gush (too much), but you seem like one of those who aren’t just “survivors” of a family member w/depression. You took the bad times, true, but achieved a broader understanding of life (that not everyone has) by the experience. I wish I’d had a friend like you when I was your age. I’m glad you’re able to move forward w/your life now -and yes, the “angry angry” won’t last forever (just be careful not to feed it). <3

@ladylazuras you were emotionally crippled to >.> my mom has seen countless fucked up things in her childhood to to her father v.v she saw my grandpa beat up my grandma the old bitch used to beat my uncles with tree branches he also almost tried to kill my uncle with a gun >.> family members are emotionally cripple do to my stupid grandpa I think my mom was almost raped by her brother DX now since I’m older I’m starting to be the one who she hates the most >.> she calls me an ungrateful son and tells me I was a mistake -.- yup she was a whore I told her I was going to join the military she laughed in my face and told me I wanted to go ther to get fucked by guys >.> she tells me I’m gay but I’m not when I’m done with school I’m out of this shit hole I really do not care if I die I would rather have someone else kill me than rather me putting a bullet in my head so basically my life is bullshit and sad all because of an old bastard -.- and I also have suicidal and homicidal thoughts I take my step dads Oxycodone with out him knowing I’m fucked if he finds out his pills are gone >.> but I don’t care

Yes indeed I’ve seen the needle and the damage done. You are a fool oxy will fuck your life up enough and could definitely lead you too heroin. Take it from me their is nothing good from drugs I’ve been suffering from heroin since 2008 I think was my first cold turkey kick relapsed just early this month been off now since the 6th of September I think. Do not do it stop now. You think you have it bad now I assure you you don’t! Think of your life as a slave too heroin. Almost Four years clean and not a day I didn’t want some dope. Four years down the drain because heroin is a love like no other but a devil like no other. Stop now son stop.

What ever breivik did, it didn’t work. unless it’s one of those things that took effect yet we cannot see it in progress. We’ll just have to wait and see.
not just suicide but death all around is a way to preserve who you were at the time of death, you die a murderer..you live on as a murderer. die as a hero and you live on as a hero. It’s really up to the people around him/her.
That’s all humans do anyway, right? We die. You can save 400 people from a mutated mountain goat and you will probably live on in the books for a couple decades but you’ll be forgotten eventually.. I guess our main objective in life is to keep yourself occupied while you wait to drop dead, because no matter what your ideals are or your dreams, all of it will come to a halt.

Within 4000 years people will see us the same way we see the sumerian people/assyrians, in other words the vast majority wont give a fucck. So do something… smoke meth, jerkoff on your roof, whatever. Just keep this in mind folks, And read it well: At one point in your life your mother gave your dad a very sloppy blowwjob… and she probably swallowed too. Think of this everyday. xoxobaked

I had a friend in college who committed suicide. She did it at home and her younger sister found her. That child is still traumatized by what happened, and the rest of the family keep saying they should have know, they should have been able to help, but most of all they keep asking ‘why?”.

My brother committed suicide by hanging himself…He was a beloved dude…Needless to say it turned the family upside down…People say they cant understand why people commit suicide..One thing is that once a person has SINCERELY CROSSED THE LINE and made suicide an option ,the mind is in such turmoil at that point the person will just do the deed…Almost like in a trance…The ones that say they’ve TREID to kill themselves most likely weren’t ready yet and never will be.

It is like a trance – not turmoil, but a seemingly Clear solution to it. Suicide becomes a part of the mental process (sometimes) when a person is faced w/issues bigger than they can face alone. It’s not too late for you, though. Don’t let this ruin your relationships w/family! The sooner you start to reconnect (though it may not be easy), healing begins. Good luck @drccoco!

drccoco, some need time to get it right, or maybe they are really reaching out to see who will help. And sometime, the family sees the signs well in advance and so everything they can to help to no avail. My sister had 4 unsuccessful attempts (all landed her long stays in the hospital as she was nearly successful ) before she finally succeeded. Even though we were siblings, we never fought, and I still miss her very much.

@Uniballer Sometimes Death won’t take you. You can try again and again, but if Death will not have you, He will not have you. Does not matter what you do or what route you decide to go down, if Death doesn’t want you, you won’t die.

Maybe i’m weird, but I don’t cry when people die, i’m actually happy for them, not because they are gone, but I know they are out of pain whether it be physical, emotional or both, and I hope they are in a better place.

When my mother died over 20 years ago, my family hooked me up with a psychiotrist because I didn’t cry, but once I explained why, he told me i’m probably more normal than all of them becase wasn’t following what everyone else did, I followed what my heart was telling me.

I’m ready to go any time now. The only thing stopping me is the fact that I have children (even though I hardly see them) and the mega doses of antidepressants that I take on a daily basis. Since my divorce 6 years ago I basically live in seclusion. I have no friends (lost them to either drugs or women) and since breaking my back in January all I do is sit here in my shitty apartment all day holding my bottle of pain pills wanting to down the whole bottle so that I can put an end to my pathetic life. It’s just a matter of time before I go through with it.

I hear ya! I have kids…and that’s pretty much what keeps me here! I am tired of being a fucking doormat! I sit and wonder…wtf…is this all there is to life!? I am just fucking sick and tired of all the bullshit! sick of being used…I do my best to get ahead….and then I have some fucking loser who mooches of me and everyone around him and cruises through life! why bother….I may as well not even try anymore! I am having a shit day…as its apparent to see! FUCK!

I really wish that there was some stress in my life. All I have is loneliness. A phone that never rings, a messy apartment that nobody sees but me and clocks on the walls that are meaningless, just like the days of the week. I’m just passing the time until I die.

@Brokeback -maybe “stress” isn’t what you need, but new experience. Forgive my ignorance of older posts, but can you still get around when you need to? The BG regulars are great, but meeting people closer to home can can help too. It’s easy to dismiss a social activity (“gay -I’m not fuckin’ doing that…”) & just dig your heels deeper into a sorrowful state of mind and live a morbid existence. I’m sooo fucking guilty of that too, believe me. I’ve known men who had little contact w/their children & I saw how it tore them up inside just thinking about it. I’ve met and lost the love of my life, I never married or had children w/anyone & it’s been a Big hole in my life. I’ve got a shit job now (Big nod to @Trooper over how immigrants are favored w/job placement) & it’s hard sometimes just to see past the day. @LadyLazurasis right though, we can’t let the shit that happens keep us down. Once past this shitpile, there’s going to be another & another… I believe that’s what gave rise to philosophy. We take stock of our life to try & make sense of it, then try to improve it by the lessons we’ve learned. I hope you read this @Brokeback, because I like to read Your philosophy. Just don’t fall back on “life’s a bitch & then you die”, that one’s taken already.

@antivirus and Lady, thank you so much. I do tend to bury my own hole at times and eventually I climb out of it, wipe myself off and start off fresh. There are a lot of options for me, sometimes I’m just too stupid to realize it. Thanks again.

Keep your head up, for some reason I just want to tell you that your not alone
I too get in my mood where I cut myself off from the world but I do long for human contact
I hope you are Having a better day

@brokeback
dont you make me come to TO and kick that butt of yours!! You are sticking around my friend…i know i would miss ya on here if you were not around and im sure others would too…and thats just here…i imagine there are people you wouldnt even think of that would miss you in real life….stick around with us for a while, ok? And if you ever want to grab a coffee you can shout at me….heck i dont do much with myself apart from care for my 90yr old mother….so remember that…

I’ve had thoughts about doing it. Aside from the mental fucking illness my mom has, she and my dad drink heavily.
I tried once, with my moms prescription pills. I was gonna down 2 bottles of i don’t know what. but I thought,” you know what? Fuck this, it won’t always be this way. Time goes on.” I did however bash my head against a wall and broke my nose. But it relieved the anxiety and desperation.
I can’t tell you what to do brokeback, but I can tell you that, although I don’t know for shit, Things will change. if not, YOU change it. Fuck the world, and beat it.

@LadyLazuras -you seem like your on your way to a better (hopefully Happier) life. When I had those moments of intense anxiety, I started doing push ups until my muscles burned & I collapsed in exhaustion. Regular full body workouts also seemed to help me not get too caught up in those bad moments -where it felt like the negativity was going to eat me alive & I had no control mechanism to stop it. Please don’t hurt that pretty face of yours, ok? (I’d like to see more of it!) 😉

My ex-girlfiend killed herself on what would have been our 4 year anniversary, 6 months after I left her. She was extremely depressed and violent towards herself and others (and not in the fun, sexual way).

Her choice of date was the ultimate guilt trip.

Dates aside, she hated the way she was and the pain she caused. Every single day of her life was a struggle. If she was selfish to hang herself, it would have been more selfish for us to expect her to carry on, day after day in abject misery just because we have trouble dealing with death.

I do not begrudge her, and I no longer mourn for her. I could never admit this to anyone outside of Internet Land, but I respect her choice.

exactly!!! im so glad someone is talking with some sense on here……i always gets annoyed with the – its a selfish act or how cowardly they are crap…until one is suicidal one never knows the hell they go through…its a disease like any other…and its a damn hellish one….do not judge till you have walked a mile in their shoes…

Shawshank Redemption what a class film and book. A classic true story for all those screwed by the system in years gone by. Also another extremely intelligent loner who wanted to be away from the sheep was Ted Kycinszki the Uni Bomber. Stood for no shit from the US government. I would love to read his transcripts although his intellect would fry my brain cells quickly. Ted Bundy was also intelligent beyond recognition. I guess if your name is Ted and you like to do evil, that means you must be smart. Its nor a given but evil and genius seem to be well bonded.

Shawshank Redemption what a class film and book. A classic true story for all those screwed by the system in years gone by. Also another extremely intelligent loner who wanted to be away from the sheep was Ted Kycinszki the Uni Bomber. Stood for no shit from the US government. I would love to read his transcripts although his intellect would fry my brain cells quickly. Ted Bundy was also intelligent beyond recognition. I guess if your name is Ted and you like to do evil, that means you must be smart. Its nor a given but evil and genius seem to be well bonded. Great post Mark

Suicide is such a catalyst for religious nuts.Speaking from experience of seeing people go through depression, bipolar, and various other mental diseases(my grandmother, sister, and brother are clinically diagnosed) it is a two sided story. One side you see them as so selfish, so ignorant towards others feelings. Then you feel the compassion side and somewhat rationalize on what the are going through and try to understand how it must feel to be so low. Then you have these people screaming damnation no matter what medicine says and well it justfucks everything up. Hell, I’ve been so low as so comtemplate, yetI’m glad I didn’t. To see suicide is an unreasonable means to the end but I don’t hold it against anybody who does..

They say if you commit suicide you go up the devils butthole O.O forever alone !! Without anygood channels just *real housewifes of new jersey * I hear if your a muslim when you die you go to heaven and sleep with 20 gay male virgins … Ohh scawwie !!! goddamn Muslims XD

FOOLS! King Aladeen will tell you what happens to you after death. YOU ROT AND BECOME WORM FOOD! you are aware of yourself and the world because you have CONSCIOUSNESS. when you die you have no AWARENESS because you have no CONSCIOUSNESS! upon death you lose the pain of life but sadly you also lose the pleasure of life such as wanking to tranny porn, snorting coke and eating a tasty sandwich. since you will all be dead a lot longer than you were ever alive try to enjoy your time here. CHOOSE LIFE. if however you are such a miserible fuck that you find no pleasure in anything than CHOOSE DEATH. i am in physical pain 24/7/365 but i CHOSE LIFE because i still enjoy wanking to all sorts of porn and eating what tastes good and playing with my cats who need me. the worms will have to wait to eat me. FUCK THEM!

I could never do it. Love my family and best buds too much. I have a cousin been suffering with cancer for 12 yrs, mother died of cancer last year, and shes still going strong. I always told myself I could never live that way but shes a great inspiration of strength. People like her help me shut out the negative.

@txxx there’s already a cure for cancer but the government won’t let the people know the truth because all they care for is money, the cancer industry makes millions/billions with people’s lives it’s sad i know my grand parents had cancer and got cured easily without drugs or surgery they lived to an old age 80’s something if you want to know contact me or do your own research so you can save your cousin even patients with terminal cancer can be saved as well your mom could have had survived if you only knew the truth ~ bless you sweetheart

Ditto that -it’s also very fucked up when we have to research a diseasefor ourselves, because hospitals/HMOs sometimes give only a limited scope of treatment options. A hospitalhere misdiagnosed my mother & we lost her to C. The family was too much in grief, I suppose, to partakein a class action suit. We had no idea That was going on until it was too late. She died at that hospital & now there’s an empty lot & a 5 Guys burger joint on the corner.

Suicide, the ultimate choice. The ability to choose one’s own death, sounds so sweet compared to the moment that grips you when you least expect it. I can feel it right now, imagine that moment of knowing how much is undone in your life, those that are leaving mid-thought. Never knowing when it will come and spending lots of energy on ways to help prevent it. A friend once said “no one would ever want to know when they were going to die”. I don’t know, and realize now, that I would want to know if I could. That might be true peace of mind.

I could never and would never support someone saying they want to take their own life, unless they were terminally ill and the quality of life is no longer worth living.

I’ve watched many people (some very close to me) suffer with terminal illness and eventually die.. but they fought to live til the very end. They didn’t want to die, even though their body was literally shutting down on them. It’s heartbreaking to hear someone ask you “Am I dying, Am I going to die?” as they are dying. I mean what the fuck.. That still haunts me. You have very sick people, fighting for their last breath and they want to live.. then you have seemingly healthy people (on the outside) who kill themselves, do murder-suicides and you think it’s a fucking waste.

I used to say people who kill themselves are selfish and leaving a world of hurt for their loved ones. But then I understood that those who do kill themselves are apparently not in their right mind and it’s something NONE of us will ever understand. You can say you’ve personally thought about suicide or have tried it, but obviously you didn’t reach that “point” .. that “moment” to actually go through with it. So you really don’t know what that feels like…and never will unless you do it.. and… you still won’t know, because nobody really knows what happens when you kill yourself and you won’t be able to tell us.

Anyways, my point is. I guess it’s more acceptable when someone wants to die because their body will not longer function to a point where they can enjoy life. Yet, if someone kills themself because they are depressed, it leaves everyone believing it could have been fixable, someone could have helped ..

It would seem every suicide attempt gone awry results in a happy deformed person who was ‘sick’ before they botched their answer to eternal peace. We really can’t judge how overcome the ‘sickness’ is related to someone’s reality so I am all for giving the ‘sick’ an “easy way out”. And I don’t dig the idea of someone wiping my ass unless its sexual so yes send me some of thoes cyanide pills.

anonmalyze – You do have mentally ill people who will stop at nothing but to take their own life. Such as a schizo who hears voices telling them to kill themselves and they do try, yet on meds, they CAN be ok, not all but it does work for some. If you have a relative or close friend who has a sickness such as that, would you still be ok with letting them take an ‘easy way out’ by committing suicide?

Then as txxx mentioned, you have people who kill themelves over an ex.. We’ve all been through heartbreak at some point and to think a broken relationship can bring you to do something so drastic and irreversible, is really fucking sad. My friend’s cousin killed himself and wrote a suicide note blaming his girlfriend and saying all types of mean shit, hoping she would have a miserable life without him. Of course she was distraught and felt guilty about breaking up with him.. However, she’s since moved on, happy with life and where is he? 6 feet under over a fucking break up..

Thats what I mean by rational suicide. I have more medications than I can keep up with. And this is from a former drug addict who loves the hard stuff.

I have though been very fortunate to have a loving family that supports me unconditionally witch I feel undeserving of even though my ‘defect’ is genetic. Medication will only get you so far. At witch point does the system fail and chaos ensues? Pharmacys make millions off of keeping ‘defective’ people from doing what evolution has been doing for years. We are at a standstill and because of the drain of fucked up people like me, we will struggle to prevail as a species.

Ive known several peers who (supposedly) killed themselves over ex’s. Pretty goddamn sad. Im sure there was much more troubeling them. Like one, knew him since he was a kid, they say he hung himself cause his gf got pregnant from someone else. He wrecked his truck that nite he died, heard he was very drunk. That poor kid had to deal with that, divorced parents and his mom being a prostitute, crackhead.

over the years I’ve realized it’d be stupid to commit suicide over an ex-gf no men should die in a pointless way over a girl but i believe every individual has her own will and mind therefore he/she should be allowed to commit suicide if he/she wanted to. that’s life

I still can’t see suicide as an escape. Who is to say that after death you don’t just jump into another place where people have an even tighter grip on your balls and you no longer can kill yourself. Who knows? Sure, life can be and generally is shit. But it doesn’t always stay that way, and even if it does, write a diary about your shitty life and make a fortune out of pity sales. C’est La Vie….

If I had choice on how to go out other than the drug fueled way I’ve described in the previous post I think the best way and most satisfying would be suicide by cop…I would love nothing more than to become the responsible gun owner mark knows I can be and take hordes of cops with me, why? Pure and simple I hate cops. I hate what they stand for what they signify what they are and most of all the what they can do. It’s true not every cop is a piece of shit but the same way they see my club patch and automatically think that I’m a criminal is the same way I feel about every asshole that wears a badge, which why I would not feel the least bad taking them all on. How do I picture my fantasy of cop killing I don’t know Rambos First Blood is a little to woodsy for my taste but it would definitely fall somewhere between Heat’s bank shootout scene and 3,000 Miles to Graceland final scene where Murphy takes on an entire SWAT team while Elvis plays softly in the background.

I think about suicide almost every day. It has always seemed like my last, ultimate escape if things just get too bad. Still, I don’t want to see you go, Mark. Please don’t. There’s not too many people like you.

I just have to throw out there that suicide isn’t selfish. What’s selfish is everyone around them who was to worried about how it would effect them. If those people really care then why don’t they try to help? Why instead to they try to pile guilt upon the broken? Why do they not care that every time they open their mouths about how committing suicide will effect them, it just confirms to the one who wants to die that their death is the best thing and will eventually stop hurting them?

Ending it all is not selfish. Being so damn wrapped up in what it will do to you, instead of trying to understand why they want to, is selfish.

Living in chronic pain while doing everything possible to remain working and finally quitting to survive away from the medications and therapies will test anyone to within an inch of their life.It’s either with pills like skittles to function or without them and try to survive that way. I am alive with the help of others today that’d love to have seen me able to continue working too. But that would’ve taken me further down than quitting work and all drugs long enough to see what I was doing to myself just to face a darker demon as bedridden. I still haven’t healed enough to be productive again but I can say that I want to live. It was an honest consideration to quit living from the oh so rediculous experience that is pain & depression mixed with lifes demands. It’s either lots of pain and some depression with lots of drugs to work or less pain and lots of depression with less drugs and not working. Either way can take you close enough to the edge to force your hand. My kids wouldn’t have the amount of respect for themselves needed here if i’d killed myself. Take care of your self always. Work hard and play hard too but know you aren’t invinceable

Mark- I think that after we are dead it matters not how it is that we died nor how long we suffered or to what degree that suffereage was that we experienced prior to our death. Unless my belief should change then for now this is my beliefs that effect my views of suicide even in the face of the worst imaginable pain. although I could put up a hell of an argument in the support of suicide by that our lives are “terminal” in expectation at any time given time as measured by each living person