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The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) that hands out these golden dildos is basically a joke. It consists of 90-odd freelance entertainment reporters based in Los Angeles who contribute stories to foreign publications (they need only four a year to qualify). But the joke Globes are still a marketing force to reckon with: The annual awards ceremony on NBC draws millions of viewers – and millions of dollars – for the HFPA.

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The Globes need to put stars in their seats. (Stars bring in TV ratings.) That's why Julia Roberts (August: Osage County) is nominated this year and not, say, the unknown Brie Larson (Short Term 12), who gave one of the year's best performances.

The Globes pride themselves on being able to predict Oscar winners. Hell, how could they miss? They pack nominees into two categories – Best Drama and Best Comedy. It's like hitting the broad side of a barn. They've got everything covered.

The Globes sense of comedy is totally cray. Among the nominees are the mournful Inside Llewyn Davis, Nebraska and Her. And though American Hustle and The Wolf of Wall Street have laughs, their intent is intensely dramatic. Real comedies, such as Enough Said, This Is the End, The Heat and The Secret Life of Walter Mitty are nowhere to be found.

Among the rejects in the Best Director category this year are such certified greats as Martin Scorsese, Spike Jonze, Woody Allen and the Coen brothers. Some group of losers.

Outrage at the Globes this year is focused on the omission of Oprah Winfrey as Best Supporting Actress for The Butler. She'll live. We will, too.

On a positive note, I will say that the Globes throw the best awards party in town. Should you be invited, be aware that alcohol flows freely, and lord knows what else? It may explains how they come up with their choices.