IRREVERENT News

WASHINGTON - With results in from across the nation, it's clear that America's biannual millionaire exchange completed without a hitch.

Many in Washington today were relieved with the orderly way power shifted from one set of millionaires to another set of millionaires, even though there is no precedent for it going any other way. "Still, every time we hold one of the goddamn things," said John Johnson IV, a K Street political lobbyist speaking of elections, "I admit it gives me the shivers. You just never know, you know?"

Others, meanwhile, were reflective. "I think it's interesting if predictable," said Sam Samuels, the Jack J. Jackson Chair of American Political Thought at Harvard. "The current set [of millionaires] were clearly not able to kick start the economy fast enough, so it's being passed to the next set [of millionaires] like a drunken prom date, you know, that you just had your way with. Have fun, guys."

President Rebooted Today

Today the President crashed in mid-sentence during the cabinet meeting. Technicians quickly rebooted him and shortly thereafter continued exactly where he left off.

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