How To Love: Apology Languages

First you love and then you falter. To err is human. If you hang around someone long enough, you must annoy or offend them. Sincerely, if you never have a misunderstanding someone and you’ve known them for a very long time, you may not be as close as you think.

Last time, we talked about the love languages. This time, apology languages. Sincerely, I didn’t know this was a thing until I noticed that even though a particular friend of mine said sorry when he offended me, I always got more annoyed. To me, he wasn’t sorry even though he absolutely was. This was a very confusing concept for me and having taken the love languages test, I knew there had to be something on apology. Thanks again to Dr. Gary Chapman and Google Search I found the apology languages.

Just like love languages, the most common error is usually using our form of apology rather than our partners. Without further ado, here they are:

1 EXPRESSING REGRET

For some people, you have to show regret for what you’ve done. It has nothing to do with words at all. It’s all in the body language. Your gestures must show that you feel regretful. If your body and facial expressions fail to do so, no matter the words you speak, even the tongues of a thousand angels., the person you have offended will still remain offended.

2 ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY

This is very difficult to do. It’s always easier to pint fingers and put the blame on someone else other than ourselves, but sometimes all that is required is for you to accept responsibility for what you did. Three words, “I was wrong” or “It’s my fault”. Magic words. Most people fail to do this. The words have to be said. ” I’m sorry” is never a substitute.

3 GENUINE REPENTANCE

This must also be spoken. While, after your offence, you may have planned and come up with all sorts of methods to avoid repetition of the scenario, you still have to say it. No one can hear the voices in your head or the intentions of your heart. For the person to feel like you have truly repented, they have to hear you say the words. Something along the lines of “It won’t happen again” after saying you’re sorry

4 ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

By now, you must have realized that saying sorry is not enough. A person with this language needs you to ask for forgiveness. Whether or not they forgive, is entirely up to them. The main point is for you to give them an opportunity to say yes or no.

5 RESTITUTION

Sincerely, if you offend me and you try this, I will blow it out of proportion. Trying to restitute immediately, to me is like running away from the responsibility and consequences of your actions. However, people here require you to make up in some type of way for your wrong doing. Gifts or offering to fix the havoc you wreaked is usually enough as long as it is relevant to the situation in some way.

There you go, the five ways most people in the world accept apologies. So save yourself the stress and take the test! See that rhymed. Make sure to take the test with your S/O. It will strengthen your bonds and make settling of arguments much easier.

Yes, these are important steps but I am not sure that one has to do them all. For my husband, just saying sorry is enough. He doesn’t like to go beyond that. My mom is the same way, but now and then she likes it when I bring a bouquet of flowers or some candy.

These are definitely great ways to make an apology when you’ve wronged someone and are genuinely regretful of what you’ve done. I guess if it was really bad (or if you don’t know your partner’s language) you can combine all five techniques and have all your bases covered as far as smoothing things over – then you can focus on mending fences and moving on with a fresh start.

I’ve heard love language, and I am not surprised there is an apology language, I can relate to all of these as how to go forward and so you are truly sorry. It is not all bout the word, but also who you act afterwards as well. Great Post!

My husband has a hard time saying the words I’m sorry. He apologizes by actions. When we first started out I was furious about not hearing the words I’m sorry. But, then I realized that restitution (actions) was his apology language. I’ll wake up to a clean house, or maybe a little gift. Not any gift, but something I’ve been talking about or admiring. There’s always thought behind it. Once I figured out this was his way of apologizing hearing the words “I’m sorry” wasn’t as important anymore. I love him for who he is.

This is such a great post. although it seems sometimes that “I’m sorry” can also be overused to the point you feel it’s not genuine anymore. So one has to be careful on how and when to say it and truly mean what you say. Thank you for these tips.

I agree, in a relationship there are different ways to say that you’re sorry and it’s also about acting on it and not just saying the words. These are ways that you can use to apologize to your loved on.

These are all so important! I think that when it comes to an apology having the person accept responsibility is key. I always want a negative situation to be turned into a lesson learned and you cannot do that if there is not acceptance of the responsibility.

There is so much truth in this post! There are times that people do you wrong, the same thing over and over again and all they can say is “I’m sorry” every time. All I want is to see sincerity in offering their apology.