How to develop a positive relationship with FI's parents?

I’m an introvert. I’m 28 years old and I have 2 friends outside of my family and my FI. One from high school and one from college. It is very hard for me to get to know new people and it’s mildly stressful for me to be in very social situations.

Current Issue:

I’ve been thinking a lot about FI and my relationship with our parents. I’m very close to my parents. FI and I visit them often (they live about 5 hours away) and because I’m close to them, FI has been able to gradually grow close to them. I will also add that my parents have been incredibly open and accepting of my FI. The last time we went to visit I was pleasantly surprised when we were all watching TV in their living room and FI decided he was hungry, got up and got a slice of pizza from the fridge and asked if any of the rest of us wanted anything. I don’t think he’d do something like that in his parents home, so it’s great to see how comfortable he feels in my parents home.

FI is not nearly as close to his parents as I am to mine. He usually sees them twice a year (for Thanksgiving and Christmas), talks to them on the phone maybe once every 3-4 months and like I said before, he doesn’t seem super comfortable to be himself around them. We’ve been together for about 2.5 years now and I can count the number of times I’ve seen his parents on one hand. I feel like I’m in a position where I should feel like they’re family, but to me they are just strangers. I feel a little guilty that FI has tried and succeeded in becoming close with my parents but I have not done the same for his.

The few interactions I’ve had with FMIL have left a little to be desired. It seems she wants to teach me the right way to do things, as though I’ve been doing them wrong up till now. I try to be patient, but it feels fairly condescending…

What, if anything, should I do to cultivate a better relationship with my future in-laws without feeling like I/we are forcing anything?

missadventure85: You didn’t say how far away your FI’s parents live. If they live further away, it is only natural that you will see them less often. If they live a reasonable travelling distance, the two of you cold make a conscious choice to visit htem more often, or invite them to visit you.

It is also only natural that you are closer to your own parents. If your FI is not close to his own parents, it will take longer for you to feel closer to them.

Do his parents use email or social media? You could reach out to them that way.