A reader’s “Nip/Tuck” nix: Now this is what every TV e-mail should look like.

As you well know, we love the snark. It makes us glow inside. It gives us…life.

We also love television.

So when we encounter an e-mail that takes these two great tastes and makes them taste great together, it’s only fair that we share it with the world.

Regular reader and former “Nip/Tuck” viewer Jef Jaisun kindly shared such an e-mail with me at the end of September, when McNamara/Troy anesthesiologist Liz Cruz (Roma Maffia) went home with another woman. She woke up after a cocktail with one less organ and a helluva hangover.

That, and Jaisun’s letter, happened right around the time that I stopped recommending turning to FX at 10 o’clock on Tuesdays. Why? Read on.

“Mel,

“Call the undertaker and stick a dull bamboo skewer in ‘Nip/Tuck.’ You don’t even have to fire up the BBQ to know this one’s overcooked shark meat.”

“And this is coming from someone who used to be a really big fan of the show. Not any more. The plots and the writing have become worse than tedious, worse than predictable. They’ve become preposterous.”

“It always sickens me when adult-oriented shows stoop to playing the pregnancy/baby card. It’s either an act of desperation or an indication that nobody’s home in the idea department. So, they substitute a variation of the “Little House on the Prairie” formula — “When all fails, blind another child.” Well, I’ve had it with that lame b.s., and I’ve really had it with Nip/Tuck, whose pseudo-grotesque infant ritual has turned the show into a ghoulish ’50 Something.'”

“More angst than Hope and Michael arguing over a coloring book at breakfast. Worse than the ‘I’ve got it! Let’s give Nancy cancer and see what a schmuck Elliot really is!’ plot line. Ick ick ICK!”

“Tonight was the final straw. Creepy little people caring for creepy little people, over-wrought characters with so much pumped up unrequited pain that they ought to be doing Anacin commercials (instead of the nanny), more make-up on Matt’s face than an aging, cross-dressing hooker, Scientology as “the bad cult” (Hey Ryan — South Park did it better!) but but but but ………….

“LESBIAN KIDNEY-SNATCHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

“Jeezuz H, it’s the Return of the George Washington Carver! (One of the worst plot lines in modern TV history, btw — what, Ryan Murphy thought he could do better than H.G. Wells?)”

“I can’t begin to describe how incredulous and mind-boggling it is to realize one’s formerly favorite show is so bereft of ideas that it’s reduced itself to plagiarizing Internet urban legends.”

“The good news is I no longer have to worry about missing ‘Boston Legal.’ The writing is wittier, more creative, much more entertaining and not nearly as pretentious as Shatner’s character. Plus, it has better eye candy. Joely Richardson, blehhhh. (Actually, I’m pretty sure Richardson and Patricia Wettig are the same person.)”

“And why is it always the guys’ asses we have to see? I mean, okay, for they of the cheeky dude persuasion, but where’s heat muffin Kimber when all this is going on? Don’t tell me John Travolta told her to stop getting naked! Horrors to Xenu! (No relation to the intergalactic warrior princess or Asteroid 2003 UB313.)”

“Just my two cents. They may be able to lipo a shark and give it perkier fins, but they’ll never be able to keep it from jumping. Not this time.”

“Cheers, Jef”

Bless you sir.

The rest of you may be wondering, why wait so long to post this? Well, because I wanted to see what else “Nip/Tuck” would come up with this season. Translation: I was hoping the show would redeem itself. But it hasn’t.

The short list of hackery since the lesbian kidney snatching includes:

–Speaking of “Little House on the Prairie,” Melissa Gilbert dropped by to play a pit bull owner who lost a nipple after she took man’s best friendship to the next level — with the assistance of peanut butter. (Thanks to reader Allison D. for the reminder.)

–Slutty, mentally unbalanced (but corn-fed!) nanny who bangs Sean (Dylan Walsh), threatens blackmail, storms into the middle of the street and screeches an ominous threat — just in time for a speeding bus to turn her into a smear. That’s my favorite lazy TV tactic. Whenever any minor, annoying character — especially one that’s sick in the head and simply won’t go away — pauses in the middle of the street to turn and say something, know that the end of everyone’s worries is merely seconds away in the form of a gigantic, fast-moving vehicle.

In defense of Ryan Murphy, this is “Nip/Tuck.” Perhaps its unfair to expect filet mignon from a restaurant that slings filet-o-fish meals, know what I’m saying?

Also, I have no problem with Peter Dinklage as the nanny. He’s a good actor, and his character is an excellent, sensible foil to Sean and Julia’s (Richardson) relentless, self-involved Mr. and Mrs. Whiny Pantses.

And…give the guy some credit. We all thought Christian’s new lover Michelle Landau (Sanaa Lathan) hooked her way through medical school. To put her in an organ trafficking ring, though still cheesy, defied expectations. As opposed to the horrible Carver plotline, which ended with the revelation that the serial rapist/slasher was Quentin Costa — exactly who everyone thought it was when the season began. Now that’s lazy.

Anyone else with an opinion, please speak up. Realize, though, Jaisun has set the snark bar pretty high here.