Feeling Overwhelmed

I have never been in a group discussion or chatroom before but I realize I need help and I don 't know who or how to ask. Or am I overreacting? I don't want to speak to my friends because none of them understand & I really don't have any family I can turn to.

My 81 y/o mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers 2009. I am 54 & have been her sole caregiver since 2008. I have managed her care with minor ups & downs but for the past week she has become more difficult than ever. Even though she hasn't "known" me as her daughter for the past year or so she always felt she knew me somehow. That is gone. Now she constantly wants to leave the house to go home (we live in her house) or is upset about her family running off and leaving her here. She has delusions that her family was just here and they abandoned her. She is inconsolable. When I attempt to distract her she becomes angry & agitated. Instead of dealing with these issues a few hours a day it is now all day until she reluctantly goes to bed.

I am at a loss. This week I no longer feel capable of caring for her/helping her. I am failing at the most important duty I have as a daughter. I quit my job April 2013 to care for Mom 24/7. I am single and no money coming in is very difficult on me financially but I would do anything for my mother.

My friends and my dil all believe I should put her in a nursing home. But a nursing home can't comfort her when she is upset. They have no time to rub lotion on her arms & legs & apply cool compresses several times a day when she itches. I can't put her in a nursing home & worry if she is being abused.

Thanks for letting me vent. I would welcome any suggestions or ideas anyone has or just a chance to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through.

I don't suggest putting her in a nursing home, but there are homes set up for people with Alzheimers. It's a hard decision and one not to take lightly. You aren't failing her by any means and I'm sure she would not want you to feel this way either. My heart goes out to you.

So sad to read about your situation and to be so isolated. Seems to me you must find a way to share some of your feelings with someone who can listen and offer some help. Please call your local government agency to find out what resources may be available to you, and your mother too. You can not do this alone! The toll will be too high, and surely that is not what your mother would want. For both your sakes, please please reach out for help.

Hi I'm new to this group. My name is Andrea. Im 48 taking care of my 84 yr old mother w/Alzheimers. It is overwhelming both financially and emotionally...What really gets me is that I have 2 older sisters, who don't visit my mom, or give me breaks. Im with my 24/7 since 2009. The sisters say they have their own families. They have adult children...They get help from their extended families... I deal with anxiety...Fear of losing everything. I don't work no savings..I have pets I don't want to lose who are the only ones who give me comfort through all of this.....I just feel all alone and scared a lot..

I know that I am depressed and the situation digresses daily. I want to just walk into the woods and dissappear some days. Much more of this and I will be unable to care for anyone else let alone myself.

Oh my, this is also my similar predicament... Mom has Alzheimer's been this way since 2005, and I am her sole caretaker. I feed, clean, dress, bathe her...she can't do anything for herself. She doesn't speak not even to say she's hungry or wet..I have to check her 24/7..haven't work this long also and have to use my son's maintenance money to support us, as family contributes almost nil..and won't even give me a break to take a breather...been eight year going doing this singlehandedly... I love my mom, and she is not a miserable person, she is a very quiet person..this is who dhe has been all her life. It breaks my heart to know that I can't do as much as I'd like to financially in term of health care and providing a comfortable space and environment for her to live in. I haven't work for so long because she requires patience to deal with...and I am wiling to give my time to a lady who was so loving and still is...to be able to take her around for drives is a no-no right noe due to finance...I live on a Caribbean island where you get little incentives to deal with person living with this disease... I can only try my best with her to the end...I do need rest because I also have medical problems that are pressing... I am the last of 6 children with an only child who suffer through this for lack of attention.....A gofundme account is set up to assist her and to learn more about my situation...the link is here....http://www.gofundme.com/7q1i4k

I hesitate to write because I am so very unhappy. ... not a source of light for anyone. My 71-year-old, spunky, classy mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor 6/22. From hospital to rehab, then with me for 6 weeks, then back to rehab. My mom is my best friend and I PROMISED her I would not send her to a "home."
Now I am facing the reality that I cannot take care of my mom. I have 6 children, a husband and a part-time job. It is primarily my children who need me and I cannot sacrifice their wellbeing for my mom. I feel like a failure.
Even worse, I cry every day. I have forgotten how to live. I am so afraid of losing my mom. .. yet I have already lost the mom I know.
I am filled with grief.

I understand ... I have been caring for my child for 24 years with no help ... I'm a single mom and I feel like I never get a break and feel guilty even asking for one !! I have a 15 yr old daughter who just has to sit in the background and do without ... She gets little of my time I have money to buy her anything or take her anywhere !!! It's so hard and makes me feel worthless !!! Not to mention all these years of lifting my son has made me feel 98 instead of 48 .. I hate to complain because I love him more than life but it is so hard and NO one seems to care or understand ... It's a lonely life sometimes

Thanks for understanding. We have different situations, but I am sure the feelings of loneliness are similar.
I will tell you that I don't feel 98 (I'm 46!). I make sure to go to the gym as often as possible. And I get plenty of rest. I hope you take care of yourself. You can't give to others when you don't give to yourself.
I wish you the best of luck and a smile.

I, too, am taking care of my mother 24/7. I am her only family. My one sibling died in a sailing accident (my brother) so I have no one to turn to for advice. I have two daughters in their twenties, but I don't want to burden them with this stuff. Also, they live on the other side of the country. So I'm trying to reach out to others. Fortunately, my mother is mentally aware and quite with it for her age 99!!! So I feel for you especially for the fact that your mother is suffering with Alheimers.. How are you doing all this alone? Is there support groups in your area? Check with the town's Council on Aging, or state run programs. It's SO DIFFICULT! And friends don't really understand it all. I'm willing to talk.. We all need to vent to people that know exactly what we are going through...

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Caregiver Action Network

Caregiver Action Network is the nation’s leading family caregiver organization working to improve the quality of life for the more than 90 million Americans who care for loved ones with chronic conditions, disabilities, disease, or the frailties of old age. CAN serves a broad spectrum of family caregivers ranging from the parents of children with special needs, to the families and friends of wounded soldiers; from a young couple dealing with a diagnosis of MS, to adult children caring for parents with Alzheimer’s disease. CAN (the National Family Caregivers Association) is a non-profit organization providing education, peer support, and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge.