Friday, June 18, 2010

Now get this: An oil-eating bacteria produced by the company Osprey Biotechnics in the USA might be used to clean up the BP disaster. The product, known as Munox, is a bacteria that degrades petroleum. Since the BP oil spill on April 20, Osprey Biotechnics has been working to get Munox applied to oil-contaminated water and sand in the Gulf of Mexico. Apparently, Munox consumes oil, digests it and breaks it down into harmless substances such as water and minute amounts of carbon dioxide. Osprey estimates that 55 gallons of Munox would treat 36.5 square miles of water in the Gulf of Mexico, and a little more than 100 of the 55 gallons would treat 4,000 square miles. The company says it has enough inventory on site to make hundreds of thousands of gallons.

The best case scenario is that the bacteria will have one hell of a feast and everything will be hunky-dory again. The worst case scenario - as far as I can see - is that it will eat every fucking drop of oil on the planet and the Earth will collapse in on itself taking us with it.

This picture, released by Greenpeace, shows a pelican covered with oil from the Deepwater Horizon wellhead in Barataria Bay, Louisiana just off the Gulf of Mexico, USA. It was taken on 6 June 2010.

Anyone who runs a company that cause this type of destruction should be wiped off the face of the earth, starting with BP's chief executive Tony Hayward! The lying bastard claims that he wasn't "kept in the loop".

Hayward repeatedly refused to agree with the conclusions of a group of angry, hostile Congressmen and women yesterday who were in no doubt that BP had shown a reckless lack of attention to safety

Texan Republican Michael Burgess expressed surprise when the BP chief said that he had not known anything about the well in question until he was told in April that drilling had confirmed an oil discovery.

"But you're the CEO of the company," Congressman Burgess said.

"With due respect," Hayward replied, "we drill hundreds of wells around the world."

"Yeah, that's what scares me right now," said Mr Burgess.

Too right!

This is BP Chief Tony Hayward. If you look really carefully, you can see the words "lying fuck" written all over his stupid face.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I read this on the news today. Apparently, a handheld laser, similar in appearance to a Star Wars lightsabre and so powerful that it can instantly blind you and set fire to your skin, can be bought online and shipped to, well, anywhere in the world, actually!

The weapon - a Spyder III Pro Arctic model with a beam supposedly 1,000 times stronger than sunlight - is marketed by its Hong Kong-based manufacturers, Wicked Lasers as "the most dangerous laser ever created". As well as blinding, burning and causing cancer, "a split-second laser light in a plane cockpit can be disastrous". Shit!

The more sadistic Star Wars fans (I loved the movies, by the way), those with pea-sized brains, are among a large number of people who have already shown an interest in getting hold of one of these highly dangerous adult 'toys', which are freely available for about £135.

Laser safety expert John Colton, director of Lucid Optical Services, said that the lasers were "horrendously dangerous and under no circumastances should they be on sale on the internet". He added that they could be "deadly" if aimed at car drivers or even pilots in planes.

The manufacturer, Wicked Lasers, promotes the 'lightsabre' on its website with these words: "Don't let the Arctic name fool you. This laser possesses the most burning capabilities of any portable laser in existence. That's why it's also the most dangerous laser ever created." It goes on: "Extremely dangerous is an understatement to the power of 1W of laser power. It will blind permanently and instantly and set fire quickly to skin and other body parts."

What the fuck! Crazy bastards!

News of the laser has sparked a flurry of excitement on social networking websites.

Another wrote: "The fact that it looks like a lightsabre is even cooler."

One more said: "I must have this. Birthday present anyone? I will KILL things, with FIRE."

The Dogs Cojones says: What a stupid species we are! How the fuck did we manage to survive for so long when there are so many mad fucks out there inventing and selling weapons? The assholes who made (and are selling) this particular weapon should be locked up and the key thrown away! No, forget that. It would cost too much to keep them alive. I have a better idea ... (grin) ...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

NASA is telling us to prepare for a once-in-a-generation storm which could result in widespread blackouts and leave us without critical communication signals for considerable periods of time. Apparently, increasing solar activity and the flares from the consequent 'space storm' could wreak complete havoc in a world reliant on technology for the basics of everyday life. What with the overheating of national power grids, mass disruption of air travel, and the complete shut down of electronic items, navigation devices and major satellites, it looks like we are going to be well and truly fucked when the sun reaches its maximum power in a few years time.

And if you think that sounds bad, apparently the bolt of lightning caused by the super storm could bring disastrous consequences for the world emergency service systems, hospital equipment and will leave us without our computers, sat navs and ipods. The worst case scenario could see vast areas of the planet plunged into absolute darkness for months.

Friday, June 11, 2010

42-year-old Donna Simpson from New Jersey in the USA is determined to be the world's fattest woman. At 600 pounds (43 stone), she is probably already the worlds fattest mother. She first hit the news in March when she announced that her goal was to reach the 1,000-pound mark (453 kilograms) and a place in the Guinness Book of Records. Her story provoked angry comments from bloggers and tweeters worldwide, many of whom were concerned about her three-year-old daughter (how the fuck did she manage to produce a child with all that blubber in the way?). Eventually, Simpson decided not to go for the half-ton mark, but admitted that she likes being a disgusting, obese, globular swine and doesn't want to lose weight.

And listen to this: She has a book deal in the works, there's a rumour that she'll get her own reality TV show, and she's also an out-spoken member of the 'Fat Acceptance Movement' whose aim is to stop discrimination against obese people. What the fuck!

But there's always a price to pay for fame and extreme fatness: Besides already needing a scooter to transport her repulsive hippopotamile bulk around, she can soon expect sleep apnea, heart disease, difficulty breathing, and a condition known as fatty liver. As far as I can see, when you're this fucked, the only ailment remaining is death.

Do yourself and your kid a favour, Donna: Be a responsible human being and lose some weight!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I have some sad news. I've just learned that Miss Ellie, the model for this blog's title photo, passed away on Thursday. The Chinese crested hairless canine, which was officially crowned the 'World's Ugliest Dog' last year, was 17 (which is quite old in doggy years, I suppose).

The thing that makes me feel really crap is that it died only a couple of weeks after I chopped its head off (not literally, of course, but using Paint Shop Pro) and shooped it onto a squirrel's body (which just happened to have rather large, dangling cojones). I suppose that would be too much for even the ugliest of bitches to take!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

As South Korean students stage a protest in front of the Israel Embassy in Seoul on Saturday, Israel seems determined to continue pissing off the rest of the world.

Amid mounting international pressure to lift the blockade since Monday's deadly confrontation aboard a Turkish aid vessel headed for Gaza in which 10 people were murdered, Israeli forces once again seized a Gaza-bound aid vessel today, but this time without meeting resistance.

Israel is stubbornly (and quite foolishly) standing by the embargo, which, it says, is needed to prevent the Islamic militant group from getting weapons. Even the Obama administration has called the current restrictions "unsustainable."

Israel ... you need to back off on this one. The world has no sympathy for you. It's time for ordinary Israeli citizens to stand up and say enough is enough. It's time for you to do the right thing.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Apparently, so-called 'celebrities' (yeah, right!) like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Dakota Fanning and David Beckham (I hate football, by the way) wear them as jewelry. And now a 13-year-old brat in New York has been suspended for wearing them in school.

But hang on a sec! It seems that some idiot federal judge reinstated the little bastard pending a hearing into whether the suspension violated his civil rights. What the ... !!!

The school in question - Oneida Middle School - contended that Raymond Hosier (the brat) violated a policy banning gang-related clothing (rosary beads are sometimes worn as gang symbols). But the brat, who was initially suspended two weeks ago, says he wears the purple rosary in memory of his younger brother, who died while clutching it after a bicycle accident.

Hosier says that he refuses to take them off, and he could be suspended again if he wears them to school on Monday. But the American Center for Law and Justice, an offshoot of Pat Robertson's (whoever the fuck that is!) Christian Broadcasting Network (and there you have it ... the fucking Jesus freaks again!), filed a lawsuit contending that the suspension violated Hosier's rights to free speech and religious expression. And the bastards are doing it for free!