Scott, Whitaker need a mediator

The beautiful thing about democracy on a small scale is that publicly elected bodies are made up of regular folks, just like you and me.

The terrible thing about democracy on a small scale is that publicly elected bodies are made of regular folks, just like you and me.

Seriously, think about this.

Imagine you've been voted onto a city council or county board for the first time in your life, and suddenly you're expected to work with half a dozen strangers making vital decisions directing the future of thousands or tens of thousands of people.

Do you feel up to it?

Understanding the issues is one thing. There's a learning curve, and that's expected.

But just as important — if not more so — is understanding how to interact effectively with those half dozen strangers.

Because if you can't, all the cramming about taxes, budgets, zoning, development, personnel issues and the like won't count for much.

Without a modicum of people skills, you end up ramming each other like bumper cars, flying off on tangents, nursing grudges and sabotaging at every turn.

Or taking out emergency protective orders.

This brings us to Newport News council members Sharon Scott and Joe Whitaker. There's been tension between the two for some time, and it came to a head Dec. 13 just after a work session.

Here are the she said/he said versions of events, from court papers and interviews with the Daily Press:

Scott, 55, claims Whitaker, 77, has a history of being rude, especially to women. That he tends to interrupt female council members or "smack his lips and roll his eyes" till finally she'd had it and told him so:

"I'm talking and you need to be quiet when I'm talking. I told him, 'Look, old man, I have kept quiet for the past two years when you've been rude and disrespectful, and I'm sick of it. …He got up from his seat with his fist clenched, threatening to fight me … towered over me, hurling insults and telling me what he would do to me."

Whitaker, on the other hand, claims that Scott "out of the blue, she just said, 'I am sick and tired of you.'" They argued and she called him names like "old man."

"I just told her, 'Don't say that to me anymore.… I never stood over her and did all of those things she's talking about. I'm a man. I don't do childish things."

Other council members were present, but apparently not inclined to get involved. So, lacking a grownup in the room to threaten to turn the car around unless they straightened up and behaved, things deteriorated from there.

How did it get to this point? Professional mediator Sara McAllister of the Community Mediation Center in Norfolk says it's worth exploring, if only so they can get beyond it.

"If they don't choose to do that," McAllister told me Thursday, "it may be difficult to productively work together unless they both decide to use common courtesy and look at what their job is and put personal feelings aside."

Frankly, it may be too late for these two, but that's for them to decide. It might help if the council chips in a few bucks to bring in a professional mediator to remind everyone how to play well together in future.

"Speak one at a time," McAllister says. "Don't use foul language. Respect one another's opinions. Things like that."

Things most of us learned by first grade.

In fact, it's not a bad idea for other newly elected bodies of just regular folks to invest in a session early on to lay out ground rules and goals.

"Or just learn some basic conflict resolution skills going into it, to get a baseline skill set (so you know) how to deal with these things as they arise," McAllister says. "Have this in your tool bag before you need it."

Recognize that disagreements happen, but do it respectfully. Don't let personal feelings get in the way of behaving like a pro. Or a grownup.

Hampton Roads has enough examples of how elected bodies can implode over bad management and internal bickering. And how costly it can be to reputations, communities and taxpayers.