Hey Adam! I'm having trouble coming up with feedback for this one. I think this is a case where you did a lot of things right, but it just didn't connect or add up for whatever reason.

I don't think the erratic editing worked in your favor - I don't think those loud editing jokes worked...

But I think moreso I watched this and felt at a distance from the characters the entire time. Maybe it's the static shot choices and low dialogue mix? I never felt like I was WITH your characters. If you watch the five current prime time shows you feel right alongside those characters the whole time... two of them have a lot to do with voice over helping quite a bit. With Kill The Baby, Natasha, Senior Flowers, Stupid Bitch, and King of YouTube I really feel pulled along through the story by the main characters and that's a strong reason for the audience to vote for them and want to see more.

Something to consider. Maybe someone else can chime in with some more worthwhile feedback, haha.