• A tavern in Iowa was busted by authorities for hosting weekly mouse races on its premises. “It’s a blast,” insists the owner, who’s being summoned for letting patrons place bets on competing rodents. “The state’s taking the fun out of it.” [Reuters]

• The queue outside a restaurant in New Jersey turned into a late-night knife fight when an inconsiderate teenager cut ahead in line. A violent rumble ensued, leaving some customers with hospital bills and charges of aggravated yet easily avoidable assault. [Bergen Record]

• A group of middle schoolers got an unscheduled anatomy lesson when they found themselves at Hooters during their field trip to Baltimore. The class needed to split up for lunch, so one of the school’s chaperones took 15 to 20 of the 100 students to the nearest Hooters, much to the chagrin of 80 to 85 students. [Jezebel]

• Sometimes reality shows pitch themselves: The drivers of two feuding ice-cream trucks in Pennsylvania almost had their permits revoked by the city after one tried to run the other off the road. City officials were told that the incident was part of a larger, “ongoing war” for turf. [Herald-Standard]

• A Canadian man was charged with assault after he spit on a woman while proposing to her. The pair were at a food bank when he asked for the lady’s hand in marriage, spat food on her, swore at her, and, in a last-ditch effort, simply threw a ring at her as she walked away. [Toronto Sun]

• Some show-off in Des Moines cut a hole in the roof of a local restaurant, descended to the cash register to grab $200, and then exited the building through that very same roof-hole, because doors are just, like, ugh. [KCCI]

• A woman in Australia plead guilty to robbing a Subway restaurant while topless. The knife-wielding robber began the crime fully clothed but for some reason took off her shirt before fleeing with roughly $500 of Subway’s money. [Fox Chicago]