Rambles about stuff I like.

Game of Thrones Guesstacular – Spoilers!

Well, I wasn’t exactly tearing it up last week with the ol’ blog post-a-roonies. I’ll try and do better this week.

Now, it’s Monday morning, and you know what that means!! Game of Thrones round-up time! Wooo!

Except for one problem, I haven’t watched Game of Thrones yet. I was going to watch it last night with my brother, but both of us were super tired and we each went to bed before 10:00. But we taped it on the PVR, so we’ll watch it today sometime.

Now, since I have no information on what happened in last night’s episode (I’ve avoided surfing the internet today for fear of spoilers), I can go ahead and make some scientific wild-ass guesses (SWAG) about what happened. Remember, I’ve read book 3, and although I can’t remember much of book 4, I think I read it (that’s what happens when I read right before going to bed) – so I may remember a few things by osmosis. I haven’t even sniffed book 5, which is where Daenerys’ story picks up again, so all my Khaleesi posts are total guesses.

Anyhoo, my number one guess as to what happened last night is that some crazy mega-fight went down at the wall. This happened near the end of book 3, so Mance Rayder and his army of giants and wooly mammoths and other unpleasant folk, all storm the wall. And they’re looking to kick the shit out of the Night’s Watch – and basically proceed to do so, until Stannis shows up with his army and slaughters all the wildlings.

Now, in the books, I think Sam sends a couple ravens to all the people who’ve got a claim on the throne for help, and only Stannis shows up. So if I had to guess, I think the beginning of the episode will contain a brief scene of Sam and the maester (Aegon, I think) sending the ravens.

Some other cool stuff happens as a result of the fight at the wall. I think whoever the jerk commander is, he gets killed, and the men elect Jon Snow to be their leader. Also, we learn that the maester of the Night’s Watch used to be one of the Targaryen’s. Hence the previous foreshadowing, “I grew up in King’s Landing”, spoken by the maester sometime this season.

What else could happen? Oh right, well, since Tyrion is about to be put to death, he’ll have to escape somehow. In the books, I think Jamie helps Tyrion escape (or maybe Varys), and Tyrion sneaks out of his cell and gets ahold of a crossbow and kills his father, Tywin. Although, since I’m guessing about the episode I’ll watch later, I think they’ll probably save this for the final scene of the final episode. That’s right around where book 3 ends, so I guess that’s probably where they will want to end this season.

What else could happen? These are for sure guesses – I’m about 90% certain that a huge rumble will happen at the wall this episode. As for the other stuff, I’m not sure.

Arya and the Hound get in a fight somewhere and the Hound dies. (This happened in the books, but I can’t remember if it’s book 3 or 4. I can’t remember the circumstances of why they get in a fight either – so this could possibly happen this episode, or next episode, or not at all – since EVERYONE loves watching the Hound and Arya going around, having adventures, and stabbing people.)

Daenerys has to deal with a slave uprising or other extreme discontent that causes her to stop being Queen. (I can’t remember the last thing Daenerys does in book 3 – but since her dragons are grown, I’m lead to believe the writers are pulling info from book 5 to use. I have no clue what happens in this case, but I’m guessing that now that Jorah’s gone, Khaleesi will get fed up with being Queen, and then an uprising from her subjects will cause her to pull up stakes and go find some other city to maraud. Since she’s adopted the Dothraki ways, I see her staying true to their nomadic lifestyle, and growing tired of staying in one place.) But then again, I could easily be wrong, and she could lay around all day in her skimpy dress getting plowed by her swarthy looking lover with the unpronounceable name.

Bran doesn’t find the 3-eyed crow. (He’ll be up north with Jojen and his sister forever. Hodor.)

Theon stops being Reek and becomes Theon again. (In the beginning of the 4th book, Balon Greyjoy is dead, and the Ironborn are coming together for a kingsmoot – which is just a ceremony where they choose a new king. I don’t remember much of the Reek storyline from book 3, so I assume that in book 4, Theon will stop being Reek and come to the kingsmoot to be king – or have a fight with Asha. I could easily see that happening this episode – since last episode, Ramsey has overcome being a bastard and gained inheritance from Roose Bolton. So it would make sense that the writers would almost immediately kill of Ramsey, making the death all the more ironic for his recent fortune.)

We don’t hear anything from the Dornish until after the death of Tywin. Again, in the beginning of book 4, the relatives of Oberyn are discussing how best to respond to his death. But I’m not through that chapter yet, and I don’t quite recall anything specific said about the death of Tywin, so maybe that news hasn’t reached them yet. Regardless, I see eventually Margaery Tyrell taking advantage of the death of Tywin and seducing Tommen. So maybe that continues in this episode. I don’t mind watching Natalie Dormer acting seductive for 10 minutes. Especially since she doesn’t have that godawful Skrillex haircut in the show.

That haircut is atrocious.

Anyone else I’ve forgotten? Oh right, maybe Brienne and Pod go on an adventure in order to pad out the show.

Right – what’s Petyr Baelish going to do? Last we saw Sansa, it looked like she had accepted Petyr as her protector, and will use his desire against him to get what she wants. Perhaps Robin learns how to ride a horse this episode, and then gets (hopefully) smacked around a couple of times for being a little whiny bitch. Or Petyr makes a move on Sansa. We’ll see.

But I’m willing to bet money that a crapton of action happens at the wall this episode.

Maaaan! Now I’m incredibly stoked for this episode. I will be seriously disappointed if I don’t see a giant get a flaming arrow to the face, and a CGI wooly mammoth get its head crushed in by a giant rock. If this isn’t the greatest episode yet of Game of Thrones, then I’m going to plotz.

Tomorrow’s post: What I got right, and what I got terribly, terribly wrong.

EDIT: Just finished watching the episode. It was sweet. I got some things right and many, many things wrong. Stay tuned.