He couldn’t take the scrutiny. Given his swashbuckling life and the media’s heightened scrutiny of things Republican, Trump would spend his entire campaign putting out fires. Whether it be shady-side-of-the-line business deals, “bimbo eruptions,” tax shenanigans, enemies looking to get even, or Lord knows what else, he’d barely have time to round up enough B-listers to keep “Celebrity Apprentice” afloat.

Then there is the matter of his ideology — as in, what exactly is it? Trump has alternately called Jimmy Carter the worst president ever, then George W. Bush the worst president ever, and now Barack Obama the worst president ever. This nouveau “conservative Republican” supported “universal health care”; advocated a tax on the rich; stood pro-choice on abortion; supported Democrats like Hillary Clinton and Sen. Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y.; called George W. Bush “evil”; proposed a 25 percent tariff on Chinese imports; and has contributed more money to Democrats than to Republicans. Whew!