We could use a little Scientology right now. After all, according to the church's new commercial, "you are not your name, you're not your job, you're not the clothes you wear or the neighborhood you live in. You're not your fears, your failures or your past."

And there's more. "You are hope. You are imagination. You are the power to change, to create and to grow. You are a spirit that will never die. And no matter how beaten down, you will rise again."

Wouldn't it be nice to cast off the irrelevant, supposedly unimportant, aspects of your life - all that heavy baggage that drags you down - and just start over anew with hope, imagination and "the power to change." The only problem? You can't simply cast those things off because they are part of you and they do define you. They are your history. They are your personality. They are you.

In the "this absolutely has to be a spoof" category, comes Pet Airways, an airline that's all about your little furry one. The pets get to fly in the main cabin rather than below and are cared for inflight by airline personnel. Yes, it's true. And it's not a spoof.

The airline, created by Alysa Bunder and Dan Wiesel ans operated by Suburban Air Freight, will begin flight in July with service to D.C., New York, Chicago, Denver and Los Angeles. Each flight costs $149.

And, no, the pet owners do not fly in the cargo hold along with their pets. They have to find their on mode of transportation.

It's not as bad as it sounds. To encourage women to get regular Pap smears, and to promote its Cervical Cancer Screening Program, BC Cancer Agency partnered with Cineplex Odeon Theatres to air "Eye of the Cervix" in theatres.

Here's a new GoDaddy spot that will neither change your life nor get you off. In it, two preppyland hotties on a golf course find an enchanted genie lamp. One wishes for the world's longest drive, har har, and I'm sure you can imagine what happens next.

Bob Parsons stars as the somewhat seedy genie; the more vocal chick is model Anna Rawson, a new GoDaddy girl and LPGA player.

Some bra marketers, such as Wonderbra, love to tout the fact they help a woman look bigger than she really is. Others, such as Ultimo, are more practical and love to tout their product's ability to control what they've already got. Even in the most extreme circumstances like, oh, on several roller coasters at Allton Towers Resort.

Host Holly thanks us for joining her and a bevy of lingerie-clad ladies who illustrate how Ultimo is all about allowing women to enjoy "thrills without spills."

"One Powerful Mother," the latest PSA by Partnership for a Drug-Free America, casts light on a powerful woman indeed. Moments after giving miserable vagina-decimating birth to a teenager, then having her heart shredded to pieces as he rolls his eyes and starts walking off, she still has the strength to raise her head -- ever so slightly -- and say, "Don't even think about going to Kevin's."

The message is swiftly and cleverly delivered: it takes one powerful mother to have a teen. And an even tougher one is called for to keep that teen drug-free.

"Insane Crash" is a coupla months old and continues Sprite's "Freedom from Thirst" campaign, which launched in 2005.

From what we can gather, a passel of sun-fatigued, thirsty teenagers sit around, baking in their boredom. Then, in a moment of Sprite-lubricated genius, two guys on opposite ends of the quad come up with a really fun idea: slamming into each other at high speeds and exploding into droplets of sugary dew.

The first slam sparks a chain of equally inexplicable -- but apparently thrilling! -- martyrdoms, and everyone is happy, and there is rock music, the end. This sordid piece of wasted time brought to you by Ogilvy/Asia-Pacific.

Our intimate dependence on cars -- and weird tendency to humanize them -- lies at the heart of AAMCO's "Romance of the Road" campaign, a $30 million effort that marks the largest in its 46-year history.