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Sunday, 18 October 2015

6 Tips for Talking About Sex with Special Needs Teens

Children with special needs are like everybody else—they have sexual
feelings and needs. Unfortunately, their disabilities may also make them
particularly vulnerable to predators and exploitation. Though humorous,
the above cartoon demonstrates a common problem for children with
special needs: the reluctance of parents and teachers to discuss issues
that arise concerning sex and relationships. We get it, the topic has
potential to be difficult or embarrassing. However, the fact that the
subject may embarrass parents and teachers will not make the issues go
away. Instead, it could wind up giving children the mistaken and
unfortunate impression that there is something “bad” or “unnatural”
about having sexual thoughts and feelings.

In order to educate everyone to be healthy, we need to accept the
fact that (most of the time) sex is a natural and healthy thing.
Adolescents with special needs, just as much, if not more, than other
children need accurate and helpful information on the subject. In
discussing subjects surrounding sex and relationships, parents and
teachers should start by explaining that everyone has sexual thoughts
and feelings.

Staying within social and sexual boundariesshould be emphasized.

Here are some tips for talking about sex and relationships with your children and students:

1. Start with the most important notion

Adolescents and young adults should clearly understand that the
choice to engage in conduct involving touching of a sexual or intimate
nature is ultimately theirs and that no one has the right to touch them
in private places without their permission or in ways that make them
uncomfortable. Teach your values;but teach the facts too

2. Explain different types of touch

Children and adolescents with special needs have often been told not
to let strangers or people they barely know touch them, so they may be
confused when certain community workers need to touch them as part of an
exam or to help aid them in some way. Therefore, students should be
made aware that medical personnel, therapists, aides, etc., may need to
touch their bodies for purposes tied in with their jobs, but that this
touch is business-like and is not sexually gratifying for them. Students
should know that they can also ask questions as to why they are being
touched. Students who are unable to ask about or understand the reasons
for being touched, should probably be accompanied by a caregiver who can
explain these situations to them.

3. Take your time

Adolescents with special needs, like most young adults, can be
overwhelmed if given too much information about a subject all at once,
especially a sensitive subject such as this. Be prepared to cut it short
when he or she indicates a sense of being overwhelmed. You can always
return to the conversation later.

4. Emphasize the power of saying NO!

Children need to be told that they have the absolute right to say
“no” to any touching or activity that they don’t feel comfortable with,
or don’t really wish to participate in, and that no one should be
allowed to pressure them into doing things that they don’t want to do.
Emphasizing the power of saying “no” empowers students to advocate for
their own sexual safety.

5. Illustrate the appropriate time/place for intimacy

At the same time, students should also be told that it is not “bad”
to be affectionate or ultimately sexual with the right person at the
appropriate time, as long as it reflects both people’s feelings and is
based on mutual respect, consent, and love. What is important to stress
here is the appropriate time, person, and place.

6. Use your own experiences as guidance

We have all been there at one time or another! A great way for adults
to explain things to children about sex and relationships is to refer
to their own experiences and feelings. Also remember to carefully listen
to what children have to say and respond thoughtfully to their
questions. Kids are naturally curious about this subject!