In an extravagant display of excess, Marvel casually releases half a dozen variants for the second month of the X-Men crossover at one time.

Source: Press Release

The comic book industry is a mature, professional environment where tactful adults always behave with the utmost discretion and honor. Sometimes, however, after a long day of engaging in the serious business of making funny books, comics executives like to cut loose and blow off steam. That's exactly what Marvel Editor in Chief Axel Alonso was doing when we found him at Twin Peaks strip club in Long Island, NY at 3AM on Friday morning.

"Whooooooooo!" shouted an obviously inebriated Alonso as he tossed comic book variant covers and pages at several frightened young ladies who were only trying to work their way through college. We asked him what the heck he was doing.

"Makin' it rain, bro!" the out -of-control Alonso told us. He tossed more covers at the stage. "Yaaaah!"

We looked on the stage floor, where several unpublished variant covers for the upcoming X-Men: Battle of the Atom crossover lay strewn about haphazardly. A second printing variant for All New X-Men #16 by David Lopez and another for a second printing of X-Men #5 by Phil Noto. Next to it were two Wolverine and the X-Men #37 covers by Ed McGuinness and Kris Anka, respectively.

"Go shawty, it's your birthday! We gonna party like it's your birthday! We gon' sip Bacardi like it's your birthday! And you know we don't give a fuck, it's not your birthday!" sang the tuneless Alonso as he threw an Esad Ribic cover for Battle of the Atom #2 at a scantily-clad dark haired woman, who returned a disgusted look.

Listen, we told him, why don't we get you home? You need to sleep this off...

"Let me tell you a secret!" Alonso slurred.

We told him that probably wouldn't be a good idea, in his condition.

"SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh," he told us. "Listen. Come closer."

We leaned in. We could feel his hot, whiskey-tinged breath burning our nostrils. He was sweating profusely.

"I love you, man," Alonso revealed, sincerely.

We love you too, Axel.

Alonso then pulled the cover and several pages for the next chapter in the event, All New X-Men #17, from his back pocket and shoved them into our hands before passing out in a puddle of drool. We rolled him onto his stomach so he wouldn't pull a John Bonham, gathered up the variant covers, and rushed back to Outhouse Headquarters to publish this massive scoop... only to find that Marvel has already sent out the following press release. Oh well!

EXCITING TWISTS AND TURNS AS MONTH TWO OF X-MEN: BATTLE OF THE ATOM BEGINS!

“If you’re a fan of the X-Men, then you don’t want to miss this one” – IGN.com

If you thought the first month was exciting – you ain’t seen nothing yet! They’ve come from the past. They’ve come from the future. They’ve come from….the future again? Who are the REAL Future X-Men?! Find out this October as X-Men: Battle of the Atom heads into its second exciting month full of even more twists and turns!

“We have been waiting to reveal these images since the day we planned this event,” says Senior Editor Nick Lowe. “Who are these characters who claim to the be the X-Men of the future? And if they’re not lying, WHO ARE THE OTHER GUYS?!?!?!”

Chaos at the Jean Grey School! The return of the Phoenix Force! And more! Plus a game-changing conclusion that will shake the X-Men to their very core! Don’t miss out on the exciting second half of the blockbuster X-Men event of the year, X-Men: Battle of the Atom!

Marvel is also proud to announce that due to overwhelming demand, All-New X-Men #16 and X-Men #5 will be returning for second printings! That’s right, chapters 2 and 3 of X-Men: Battle of the Atom have sold out at the distributor level, and will be going back to press immediately. Retailers are strongly encouraged to increase orders of the final chapters, Wolverine & The X-Men #37 and X-Men: Battle of the Atom #2 in anticipation of future demand.

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!

Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.