“Twitter said today that Wednesday night’s debate was the most tweeted event in political history. Really, in history? Do you think that has more to do with the fact that Twitter is only six years old?”

“A farmer in Oregon was eaten by his pigs. The pigs ate the farmer. But in the overall race, humans are still way ahead.”

Late Show with David Letterman

“It’s autumn. It’s the time of year when that thing on Donald Trump’s head goes into hibernation.”

“Your choice now is pretty clear. You can either vote for the guy who got rid of bin Laden or vote for the guy who wants to get rid of Big Bird.”

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

“The movie Taken 2 opens today. In the first one, the bad guys kidnapped Liam Neeson’s daughter, and in this new movie, they kidnap his ex-wife. I’m not sure that’s really upping the ante.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger was originally going to star in Taken but he kept screwing up the lines. When the bad guy said, ‘We’ve got your kid,’ he said, ‘The one from my wife or the one from the maid?’”

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a new interview, first lady Michelle Obama said that she would choose Will Smith or Denzel Washington to play her husband in a movie. Or as Democrats put that, ‘Any way they can play him in a debate?’”

TV TONIGHT

Arrow takes aim at the worlds of archery and comic heroes as it profiles a billionaire playboy-turned-vigilante who uses his projectile weapons to tackle crime. Toronto native Stephen Amell stars in the action series, which debuts Wednesday night, showing his character in a shipwreck and then returning to society five years later with new lethal skills and a hankering to make amends for his past. The character hails from DC Comics. (CTV Two)

Friday Night Lights star Connie Britton will no doubt be saying her signature “y’all” buzzword a lot more as she stars as a legendary country singer in Nashville. Hayden Panettiere of Heroes fame costars as an up-and-coming country chanteuse in the series that’s getting strong advance reviews. (CTV Two)