Friday, August 01, 2014

You know what happens after nothing but burgers for six straight days (not including a day off in there)? Your entire body revolts, with shit flying out of your colon that you swear has to include a couple of organs.

Such was the evening at Chavez Ravine, when the Dodgers did their best to give the woeful 46-62 Cubs a hospitable series opener. First, we served up Dan Haren on a plate, whose BP session this time lasted only 4.1 IP (8 H, 7 R, 6 ER, 2BB and 3Ks). Haren's third inning meltdown was also helped by a throwing error by Matt Kemp, in a frame that saw a 1-1 tie turn into a 4-1 deficit.

Haren inexplicably came back out in the fifth to load the bases with one out, and Chris Perez kept up the hospitality by allowing three more runs to score, making it 7-1 and for all intents and purposes completing the game. Cubs starter Kyle Hendricks did his Dartmouth Green proud (not to mention his family and friends) by surviving a shaky first inning and settling down with a seven-inning, 4 H, 2 R, 1 ER session.

On top of that shit burger, the Dodgers were felled in the field as well: Adrian Gonzalez bruised his right knee sliding unsuccessfully in the vicinity of the plate (and getting tagged out); Yasiel Puig left the game early with mild left hamstring soreness (not to mention something that was bothering him in the right side of his mouth, for much of the game); and Paul Maholm injured his right knee covering first base. A.J. Ellis also took a foul tip off his right knee for the second straight game. Haren, for what it's worth, was not injured in the game, not that Dodgers.com writer Ken Gurnick didn't speak for all Dodger fans wondering, why not?

Look, we swept the division rival Giants in their house, and then the always tough Braves at home. None of those games involved Dan Haren, and when we tried to trot him out there today, even the Cubs feasted on him. So it goes. Let's hope this passes through the system, and isn't E Coli. In the meantime, we should probably get some nutrition!