Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Me: My foot's still swollen...Boyfriend: So you wanna try that bloodletting now?Me: *stare* NO! Let's not, and never say that we did.Boyfriend: Oh, we'll do it the sane way...Me: If you say "with leeches" I'll hit you.Boyfriend: No, you heat up an exacto knife on the stove, and then let it cool down, and wash the area in alcohol, then just stab it with the knife!Me: Alright, but let's do it on YOU first.Boyfriend: Nah, my feet are sensitive.Me: My foot has been swollen for a WEEK and it all hurts just to TOUCH! What do you think my foot is?Boyfriend: Big?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Boyfriend: *almost shoves a pretzel up my nose*Me: *stare at him in horror*Boyfriend: What? Your mouth was open, I though you wanted a pretzel shoved in it.Me: You almost put it up my NOSE!Boyfriend: Well your nose was open too.Me: My nose is always open!Boyfriend: Then it always wants pretzels shoved up it.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Me: *talking about Dragon Quest IX* Alright, I'm going to keep at least one of each alchemy chain root.Boyfriend: Alright.... *looks around* Oh! Are you still selling stuff off for me?Me: ... Yes, I've been doing it for a while now.Boyfriend: Oh... I'd thought you'd moved on by now.Me: No... because I LOVE YOU!!!Boyfriend: ... Thank you, crazy lady.Me: ... *glare*Boyfriend: What? At least I didn't say 'mean lady'.Me: *look away, nose in the air*Boyfriend: You look away... but my feet are made of bacon.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Boyfriend: I don't think anyone's going to complain if you want to make apples. *thinks about that* I mean pie.Me: Nah, I'm gonna make APPLES! First we need some glue.Boyfriend: Hot glue works.Me: Then we need something red.Boyfriend: Alright, we'll use blood, and a ferret, because they can get into any shape.Me: Ok, so we'll glue a ferret into an apple shape and cover it in blood.Boyfriend: Yes.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Boyfriend's brother: *talking about the game he's playing* Alright, I'm hunting antelope and it's a full moon.Boyfriend: Because antelope only come out on the full moon, the rest of the time they're elk.... They're like werewolves.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Boyfriend: *reaches towards my head*Me: ... *leans away* What are you doing?Boyfriend: Trying to love you!Me: ... By snapping my neck?Boyfriend: No, by grabbing your face!Me: ... *lean away further*Boyfriend: Because when you love someone, sometimes you just have to grab their face and shake.Me: ......Boyfriend: You know, you grab them good and tight, and then shake them really hard... with, you know... caring...Me: Go away from me, creepy man.

Me: *talking about a video game* I swear to God it sounds like she's saying "mountain ranch"Boyfriend: That's where they grow mountains. It's a really slow process. Sometimes they get sick though, and become canyons, but you know, they find places for them. Sometimes they never get bigger than speed bumps... those are mountain eggs, you know.