The real reason you’re chronically busy

Trying to catch up with an old friend recently, our conversation quickly took on an almost comedic turn.

“How’s next week looking for you?” I asked.

“Hmm, actually this month is pretty bad… what’s April like for you? she responded.

I looked at my schedule and realised most days were marked with appointments, lunches, deadlines, and work trips. “Rubbish actually, so perhaps we should look at May?”

Long story short, we quickly got to the end of June before the two of us were able to agree on a date which would work for both parties. “I’m so sorry,” I said sheepishly. “I’m absolutely flat chat at the moment.” “I know what you mean,” she agreed. “I’m crazy busy too.”

Obviously this is just a conversation between two people, but chances are you’ve had a few similar “Nah, things are absolute chaos” conversations of your own lately.

It’s almost a kind of one-upmanship of how busy we are and why we couldn’t possibly commit to that dinner date, coffee catch-up or just about anything else because of how much we’ve got going on. A state of busyness, which is always increasing and ensuring we’re unable to connect with the people who once mattered to us, or still matter to us most.

But despite our proclamations that we’re ‘running on empty’ or ‘only just keeping our heads above water’, how much of our busyness is a self-fabrication? More importantly, what is taking such an approach to life doing to our mental and physical health?

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The problem with busy

Several years ago, author Tom Kreider wrote a piece for the New York Times on the dangers of being too busy, posing the question that many of us use modern day busyness as a ‘hedge against emptiness – obviously your life cannot be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked and in demand every hour of the day’.

While there’s no doubt that being ‘flat out’ is seen as a mark of high status (a complete role reversal of the 1800s when having a significant amount of leisure time was the mark of the wealthy), are we really as busy as we’re all making out to be? Or are some of us using the term as an excuse to shirk responsibility or worse, as an avoidance technique when we are trying to keep deeper issues at bay?

Clinical and coaching psychologist Cassandra Dunn has a long-standing interest in the topic and says that while there’s no doubt many of us lead busy lives and juggle multiple commitments, a lot of our ‘busyness’ may be psychological.

“Because of smart phones making us available 24/7, we tend to not give our brains the downtime they need for calm and clarity,” she says. “We’re highly distracted and can waste an inordinate amount of time on the internet and social media which leads us to feeling pressured and stressed.” All of this distraction, she adds, means we are often mentally scattered so that getting through a reasonable amount of work in a day can take a lot longer than it realistically should take.

As for using busyness as an excuse to get out of things you’d really rather not do, Dunn says this is often an unexamined possibility.

“Certainly, these days the excuse is a common one and pretty much accepted because most people are in the same boat and can relate to the situation or the feeling,” she says. “I also think there are some people who choose to be chronically ‘busy’ as a way of avoiding the things that they are unhappy with in their lives since staying busy means never having to take a hard look at the state of your life or relationships with others.”

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Getting the better of busy

Being genuinely rushed off your feet doesn’t have to be problematic if that’s the pace of life you enjoy, but that’s not to say it’s entirely risk-free. One study by Massachusetts University of Technology, for example, found that the more a person takes on, the less productive and efficient they’re likely to become as their brain jumps fitfully between tasks. Other studies, which have looked into the busyness phenomena, have linked a faster-than-average lifestyle to everything from mental illness to relationship issues and more.

To regain control of your life, Dunn recommends taking time to perform a reality check on your personal situation, asking yourself where you need to consider shifting your priorities and making time for what’s really important to you.

“Some people are definitely over-committed and need to ask themselves how much value this activity is adding to their lives, versus how much stress it’s adding and that goes for kids’ commitments too,” she says.

“This really becomes a question of values. Are you giving your time and energy to the things that really matter? Are you saying yes to things when you’d rather say no? Being clear about your priorities and boundaries is important if you’d like to make changes.”

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To help with the next phase of your life, Dunn recommends:

Make a ‘NOT DO’ list as opposed to a TO DO list

“I suggest doing a brain dump of all the things that are weighing on your mind and then crossing off the things which are non-essential and which potentially take time away from your most important priorities.”

Consider daily meditation sessions (even if it’s just for 10 minutes)

“It’s a scientifically proven way to increase focus and reduce mind-wandering,” she says. “Meditation is also proven to reduce stress which is a hallmark of busyness.”

Scheduling tech-free, down time sessions

“Our chronic busyness is not just making us stressed, but it’s reducing our capacity to problem-solve and compromising our health and wellbeing,” Dunn says. “A regular digital detox is a really great way to escape the busy trap, recharge your batteries, calm your frazzled brain and remember what’s truly important in life.”