No matter the cereal, I always knocked it back as if I was in a competitive eating contest. See, I hate mushy cereal.

If they approach my cereal bowl, Cheerios, Raisin Bran, and Special K can keep on walking…or swimming as the case may be. Kissing cousins to ice cream cones that melt too quickly, these Rice Not-So-Krispies turn into mush upon contact with my 2-percent. Weak links in the breakfast food chain, these pansy-ass thorn flakes have no business calling themselves cereal. Heck, I’d rather eat gruel, Victorian-orphanage style than try to choke down this frosted foam.

Punching is futile as this crap will absorb the massive shock coming its way. Instead, let’s repurpose this stuff as insulation or packing pellets. Eat that, Helloggs.

you actually have left cheerios in your bowl long enough for them to get soggy? those are my second-favorite cereal specifically because they delay the sog. they also have a satisfying roasted nut flavor that i prefer in everything from meat to ice cream.

Actually, my FIRST favorite cereal is Trader Joe's Joe's O's. They have the pure sainted taste of cheerios, but you can leave them in the bowl for a full 2 minutes before they even start to lose their crunch. Being a complete pig, I rarely get past 45 seconds. But when the phone rings, I guess I can't have a mouth full of Joe's O's and milk, can I? I can finish a brief conversation and hang up, and my O's will still be firm.

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