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Pipers Pipe… While Inferno Is Hot As Hell

Spring is a season of renewal and anticipation. This spring, late in coming to most parts of the world where people walk upright and not upside down, brought us Inferno — to the delight of millions of his fans, Dan Brown published his new book.

And Inferno is hot as hell.

Go ahead, thrill us, admirers kept asking. And Dan Brown delivered.

Go ahead, disgust us, haters kept taunting. And Dan Brown delivered.

Mr. Brown’s non-admirers, it seems, include most of renowned book critics, as few of them as remain “practicing their trade” these days.

Dan Brown surely took his sweet time to keep them up at night. Some have been awake since 2009, when The Lost Symbol was published to their great delight. Since last week, they have a field day. Good for them. And for us.

Ilove reading book reviews. Mostly, I read reviews of the books that I won’t read. If I plan to read the book, I’d read it first and only then, if at all, read reviews. In such case I read the reviews of critics I respect, and also the reviews and comments of other readers. It’s nice to find someone somewhere out there who thinks alike. This is to indicate, not too subtly, that I’m not planning on reading Dan Brown’s Inferno anytime soon.

Needless to say, I spent a perfectly delightful hour, devouring reviews of Inferno. Opinionating on other people’s opinions is easy, fun, safe and not always a complete waste of time.

Earlier this month the cultural guardians of the Italian poet Dante, said that the Divine Comedy would survive being mangled by Brown in his new blockbuster novel.Scholars at the Italian Dante Society said they welcomed the new book, no matter how populist or filled with historical inaccuracies, because it would bring the poet’s work to a much wider audience.“The Divine Comedy is 600 years old. It can survive a few mistakes being made by Dan Brown,” Eugenio Giani, the president of the Italian Dante Society, told The Daily Telegraph.

But – surprise! – he is. And, boy, am I glad he does, because this is some hilarious read. Mr. Deacon follows Dan Brown style and all his most notable idiosyncrasies with uncanny accuracy and wit.

I‘m sure that even Mr. Brown’s die-hard admirers, those who chose martyrdom to any admission that Dan Brown is not the best writer in the universe, might crack a smile now and again.

Several just as funny comments follow suit and proliferate the jokey parody further.

At any rate, a good number of reviews would make writers everywhere grin — at least they ain’t as bad writers as Dan Brown. Then look heavenward and ask in childish earnestness, God, why him?

In a just world, some think, Dan Brown would end up in Inferno’s circle of hell specifically designed for writers of his ilk. In a perfect world, it should’ve happened before the towers of his Inferno started heating up bookstore shelves.

If you think that Dan Brown’s success is totally undeserved and the world’s greatest towering injustice – relax. It isn’t. Take your mind off it by thinking of some other, a lot more godawful universal disasters.

If, on the other hand, you think Inferno is a gift from Heaven to anyone who likes reading what Dan Brown writes — enjoy, and bother not reading reviews.