Psycho Celebs

One of the first questions in a bi-polar disorder assessment test is, â€œDo you think you are, or will ever be famous?â€ The questions is designed to weed out delusional types who self-aggrandise or are under the assumption that they are known, stalked, or being watched (as, of course, all crazy people are always being watched.) If you answer yes, youâ€™re on your way to mood stabilisers, but what do psychologists say to the scores of people who live by the celebrity mantra, â€œI always knew Iâ€™d be famous?â€

From Courtney Love to Gwyneth Paltrow, Jim Carrey to Winona Ryder, at some point notable names publicly declare they had known since childhood that their place was in the centre of the spotlight. Does this mean theyâ€™re all psychic or just psycho? It certainly takes a specific type to eschew any sense of normalcy to pursue the skeleton of a life lived in front of the camera. Itâ€™s not much of a leap to see the similarities in a person who eschews regular employment to pursue the sketchy, harried life of a paranoiac. Both types are ravenous for attention, but shy away when it seems inconvenient. And no one pulls off a baseball hat and sunglasses at the grocery store better than a bi-polar celebrity. Tabloids live for the day they can report that the attention has finally forced so-and-so to crack under pressure, for person X to hit the bottle, the glass pipe, or the transsexual booty in search of fulfillment. A layperson might think celebrities are at greater risk of going mentalâ€”but I say, mental people are just naturally pre-disposed to becoming celebrities.

Another quality of the bi-polar sufferer is spendaholism. Potential victims are once again asked if they spend money recklessly, extravagantly, and without thought. Itâ€™s hard to lie about that one; manic-depressives are natural hoarders, and the proof is lying all around them, piled up in the closet and on the floor. It seems quite sad, really, this compulsion to erode oneâ€™s personal finances without any power to stop it. Now, youâ€™re saying, thereâ€™s the distinction between crazy and famous. Famous people are rich and therefore spend money insanely because they have insane amounts of money.

But when Lindsay Lohan drops a $100,000 in one day, Iâ€™d call that extravagant. When TLC, Toni Braxton, and MC Hammer are all declaring bankruptcy because they invested in one-too-many pairs of customised parachute pants, I tell you, thatâ€™s reckless. These are people who have hired help around to hold their drinking straws and request diamond-encrusted microphones on tour. I ask, is there anything crazier? At the very least, the non-famous manic-depressives have limitations on their money madness. A creditor wonâ€™t wait until the second Escalade to send you a warning. If youâ€™re still unfortunate enough to be undiscovered, theyâ€™ll just rip that credit card right up.

This is pretty conclusive stuff. Every lunatic tick box is getting checked. The manic highs, the suicidal lows, the teetering self-esteem and rampant eating disorders. Well, I donâ€™t know about the eating disorders thing, but it seems like if youâ€™re already racked with crazy of one kind, you might as well throw in crazy everything else too. But the remaining factors are uncannyâ€”the disregard for personal hygiene, the sense that everyone is out to get them, the substance abuse and denialâ€”itâ€™s what experts like myself would call textbook. And in the ultimate irony, our society has eternally condemned mental illness while propelling celebrity status to greater and greater heights. Blindly unaware that they are one and the same.

No shit! These red carpet huggers, as I call them are out of their mind; and nice to see your less likely among those cult nuts well maybe the Reichian Cult of Pill Pushing ECT Jockies is possible. None the less, that’s nuts, 100,000; 60 is painful and that’s just due to the odd strip club affair; usually it’s rare if I go through 100 year to myself not backed up on credit or a business expense.
Me, I was stocked by someone, maybe still and more subtly by creature with more notoriety than I, even more than my father, at the time (kind of like that Nightstand Gag, “Next Week On Night Stand with Dick Dietrick, Celebrities who Stock their fans,” except I wasn’t a fan, he was just a sore loser Hagelin supporter and I a Buchanan supporter who whaled him with facts as he returned with personal attacks) anyway I wondered why they bothered, appearently cultists are short on humor about their primitive or primal collectivist thing. Nor expect opposition. Bi-Polar? The ones, unlike that bland crust cutter harassing me (granted espionage groups don’t take well to unpreauthorised opposition), the talented entertainer (yes I am no sheep and don’t count Cohen aka AliG) are said to have controlled multiple personalities, certainly the manic type, the do or die types; yes some don’t talk to themselves, some just survive, madness is at least not megalomania. These “bi-polar” are maybe a little peeved at times finding their head photoshoped into porn or something or suffer from some emotional issues; but bi-polar is a bit to far, it’s more an excuse manufacuring than anything. Like Schitzophrenia are day is going to have some RD Laing of the era to debunk the nonsense labels of the day.
The truly insane are very rare and usually safe and harmless.