Living with the death of a son or daughter killed in war is a lifelong burden, but sometimes there are moments worse than that.

"We panic that our children will be forgotten," Ruth Stonesifer told a spellbound audience at the Memorial Day Ceremony at the American Gold Star Manor on Long Beach's westside.

Stonesifer's son, Kristofor, was an Army Ranger who was one of the first two U.S. soldiers killed after 9-11. He was on a helicopter mission to rescue troops in Afghanistan Oct. 19, 2001.

Stonesifer said it is a sad truth that the observance of Memorial Day has diminished over the years.

"Many now see Memorial Day only as the start of summer vacations or a great weekend for shopping sales," she said. "Many graves of fallen soldiers are not taken care of. Many are forgotten."

The loss of her son compelled Stonesifer, a self-employed quilter living in southeastern Pennsylvania, to become involved with Gold Star Mothers and led to her being named as its national president in 2009. Rather than be consumed by grief, she has devoted her life to helping others and remembering those who have died in wars, said Terry Geiling, president/CEO of the Gold Star Manor.

Geiling described Stonesifer as "a national hero."

Stonesifer said she is "giving voice to the thousands who have given their lives to defend our freedoms. Every day should be Memorial Day. We must always remember what they did."

She said she remembered the last time she said goodbye to her son: "It was a summer night. I watched him leave our house never to return again. I didn't know it would be the last time I would ever see him."

To remember him, she wears a bracelet with his name and the names of his other Ranger buddies. She held her arm in the air and said the bracelet was her son's "band of brotherhood."

Stonesifer said many Gold Star families are writing down stories about their fallen soldiers so they would not be forgotten.

She has maintained her connection with her son's Ranger unit. When she turned 62, Stonesifer did a tandem sky dive from 20,000 feet to show respect for her adventuresome son. She said she did that because "Kris would never expect his mom to jump out of an airplane."

Stonesifer then presented American flags flown over the Capitol in Washington, D.C., to Gold Star Manor residents David and Kathleen Chappell and to Nadia McCaffrey, who will be moving in to the Manor soon. The flags were contributed by U.S. Rep. Laura Richardson, who could not attend the ceremony Friday.

The Chappells' son Jason was killed in Iraq when a vehicle drove up to his checkpoint and an explosive device detonated, killing him and several other soldiers. He was 22.

The Chappells come from very military-minded families. David's grandfather was in World War I, his father was in World War II, his brother was in Vietnam and David was in the Air Force. Kathleen's father was in the Merchant Marine.

McCaffrey's son, Sgt. Patrick R. McCaffrey, was killed in an ambush near Balad, Iraq, on June 22, 2004.

She is the founder of Angel Staff, a group of volunteers who help terminally ill patients and their families. In 2006 she started a nonprofit foundation to promote mental and holistic wellness among veterans returning from the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.

She has spoken out against the war in Iraq, and her son's death received national attention after she invited the press to Sacramento International Airport to photograph his coffin returning home. U.S. military policy had banned such photos.

McCaffrey, who has been living in Tracy in Northern California, wants to live in the Long Beach Gold Star Manor "because it is so peaceful here." She also will be closer to her son, who is buried in Oceanside.

In another emotional moment, Long Beach Mayor Bob Foster said his father was in the Army during World War II and that he had a "tremendous reverence for anyone who served their country. We must never forget them." He presented bronze plaques to the Chappells and McCaffrey to be placed on benches on the grounds at the Gold Star Manor.

The ceremony closed with a beautiful rendition of "God Bless America" by Pamela Hale-Burns, a Press-Telegram reporter and an Army veteran herself.

"If every Memorial Day service was as inspiring as this one, no one would ever be forgotten," said one observer walking out.