Gay Girl’s Goggles: “Once Upon a Time” SnapCap (1.04)

Finally! Those Lost shenanigans we’ve been waiting for! So far every fairytale we’ve encountered on Once has been a sliiiight variation of the Disney-themed version, but Cinderella got flipped on her head for real last night. First, Rumpelstiltskin pops out of the ether and slaughters her fairy godmother, then he grants her wish and stakes a claim on her firstborn child in any old land he chooses. Robert Carlyle is creepy as hell as Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin. In fact, I think he may even be a bigger bad than the Evil Queen. But he’s not nearly as sexy as Lana Parrilla storming around and chomping on apples and glowering about, “Enjoy your hot chocolate.” (I’m just operating under the assumption that Regina poisons everything.)

AFTERELLEN BAIT

So I guess Emma had her possessions delivered to Storybrooke, and while I’m happy she’s got some more leather jackets in her wardrobe, I’m pretty bummed out that we won’t see her wandering around in that sheer white tank top for all eternity. I mean, it’s obviously still going to get some mileage. And, you know, there was this:

And this:

But I wouldn’t mind if that tank top was her full-time costume.

FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS

It’s not surprising that we’re spending a lot of time flashing back to fairy tale hetero-TrueLove, but I’m getting pretty bored of it already. We get it, writers, princes and princesses and balls and babies. Blah, blah, blah. Let Jennifer Morrison loose with that chainsaw again.

Besides the true love feelings, “The Prince of Gold” was mostly about the sinister feelings of Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold. I mean, in Candyland, he BLEW UP a fairy godmother while she was in the middle of granting a wish; and in Storybrooke, he made a teenage girl PAWN HER OWN BABY. At one point he literally screams, “In this world of the next, Cinderella, I WILL HAVE THAT BABY.” Emma Swan ain’t scared, though. She’s like, “Oh, you want me to owe you a favor? No problem. Because my number one feeling is SUPERIORITY.” (It’s a true feeling.)

BREADCRUMB TRAIL

This week featured the best breadcrumb trail so far. It introduced a new character, twisted the fairy tale in a way we’ve never seen before, and gave a whole different kind of resolution in the real world. The dialogue was kind of clunky at times, and my goodness, these writers love to be like, “I’m telling you a thing. Hey, did you hear me telling you a thing. There’s this thing, and I’m telling it to you. Don’t worry, I’ll say it again in five minutes.” But it was definitely the best script to far (even though I prefer the rogue Snow White in flashbacks). Plus, I appreciate how this episode finally gave Henry something not irritating to say: “Stepmom, stepsisters, and she’s a maid?!”

Also, in the breadcrumb trail realm, the Henry-as-Cinderella parallel skirted the edge of heavy-handed, but I confess to “aww”ing when he dropped his sneaker on the stairs when he was trying to beat the clock on his perfect day. But I also “aww”ed when Regina threatened Emma. So, you know.

BABBITY RABBITY AND HER CACKLING STUMP

Best line of dialogue? “People are gonna tell you who you are your whole life. You just gotta punch back and say, ‘No, this is who I am.'” That’s actually really solid advice.

Do you guys think Regina/Mr. Gold know that they’re Evil Queen/Rumpelstiltskin? Or do you think they’re just hardwired to be horrible in real life just like they were horrible in Candyland? And what about the reveal that the sheriff is sleeping with Regina? Surprised? Scared?