Jenny from the Blog is like comedy crack, but more addictive and less wack.

40 Things Every Woman/Mom Should Have and Should Know by 40

Everyone says that time goes by so fast, but I never saw it pass… it just did. In the blink of an eye I went from 20 to nearly 40. For those of you that are nearing 40, turning 40, or past the big 4-0, here you go…

A whole decade has passed. Where did it go? An amazing husband, multiple careers, a recession, two incredible children, and the blink of an eye later, I’m here, turning the corner on 40. There are many subtle yet life-changing differences a decade makes. (This may not be as sentimental as it’s predecessor, but hey, I’m a humor columnist):

By 40, you should have… READ ON, IT’S WORTH IT!

Access to a great therapist, a great dry cleaner, a great hair stylist, and a great lawyer… but mostly a great therapist.

Cellulite that you play with when you sit “criss cross applesauce.”

The knowledge that the position I just referred to was once un-PC-ishly called “Indian Style.”

Enough videos and pictures of your children to fill a credenza.

A credenza.

Worry lines from every bruise, bump and first day of school that you lovingly freaked out about.

Gray hairs from every tantrum, debate, and negotiation lost to a toddler.

A designer handbag that’s so pricey you would sell on Craig’s list if you didn’t think someone would murder you at the pick up.

A designer for Target item, which you don’t like and doesn’t fit, but you wear anyway because you had to fight another woman for it.

58 thoughts on “40 Things Every Woman/Mom Should Have and Should Know by 40”

Welcome to the 40s ma’am. Its more fun than you think it is. You forgot one: You glow when people look at you aghast and ask, YOU have a teenager?, even though you know perfectly well that they’re full of shit.’

I’m pushing the big 5-0 and couldn’t agree with you more. Thank GAWD for my therapist, that amazing poison called Botox, a wonderful hair stylist who gets rid of my gray, and the occasional Xanax. That way when someone calls me Ma’am I don’t punch them in the mouth.

By 30, you should have …6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.
By 30, you should know…5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (I so totally rock these two things.)
At 40, all of at least most of the above.

Forty is beautiful. It’s the age when I married your dad. It was a perfect time. A woman is most beautiful at 40, that’s according to a very reputable facial plastic surgeon. And you certainly are both beautiful and a perfect mom.

Okay, literally LOL!!! The funny thing is having met you in life, I could totally picture you saying each and every one of those things in my head. You are about to be tweeted, pinned, and shared EVERYWHERE! Love this!

Jenny-Totally offended that you FB’d me about this post…as if I could relate to any of this jargon! JK…just having a reality check that we have 1 more year in our thirties, at least on paper because no way I am ever admitting a day over 34! I was rolling over the additions that were not child related…though some of them could be relative to the man-child I married. Thanks for the laugh girlie…YOU ROCK!

Along the lines of shock at having teenagers…getting ID’d for alcohol ranks high on my list of Things That Are Awesome. Three days ago it happened in front of my best friend even! The happy feeling lasted for, well, still lasting! Great list Jenny! Love the savvier and less bendy part. Isn’t that the truth!

This list is so much better than the 30’s one. You had me at 40 things I’ve been waiting for this list. It’s perfect and hilarious and exactly what I needed after a week of taking care of sick people! You are the best!

I laughed when I got to the one about checking how much your parents tip the waitress. I take my elderly father out to eat a few times a month. We each pay for our own meal but he always insists that he’s got the tip. That means he’s going to put down $2-$3 no matter what. I’m always trying to add more without him seeing. When he catches me he thinks I’m nuts for being so generous (I’m just trying to reach 15%). I’ve heard of the opposite happening too, where the elderly over tip or go broke donating to every charity that asks. I don’t think I have to worry about that with Dad.