Random Thoughts

By JOANN REY West Texas Family Medicine

Published 3:26 am, Tuesday, March 3, 2015

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JoAnn Rey

JoAnn Rey

Random Thoughts

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It is time for random thoughts, again. I was contemplating a couple of different topics and could not make up my mind so I decided to do a little bit of both. The topics I have chosen to write about are very sensitive issues so before I go any further I just want to say that in writing about these topics, I had no intentions of offending anyone. Unfortunately, the content of this article will inevitably offend someone and for that I apologize in advance.

The first topic I want to write about is perhaps the more sensitive of the two. I hear it a lot and can understand why people feel the way they feel. The topic I am referring to is absent or “deadbeat” parents. It’s actually not even the absent parent I want to talk about. I want to say something to the single parent, grandparent, foster parent, etc., who is left raising a child/children. I know situations are difficult, frustrating, painful, etc., but there is one thing caregivers have to remember. Talking negatively about the absent or “deadbeat” parent affects the kid(s) more than you think. I understand how difficult and frustrating it is for you, the caregiver, to do things without the help of the parent(s) and you have the right to feel the way you do; however, you do not have the right to instill your own opinion about the child’s parent into the child’s mind. I get it, you want the child to know and really grasp how you are the one who is there for them and the people who should be there are not, but by talking negatively about their parent, you are showing them how to be resentful. Do the parent(s) deserve that, maybe but the child should be allowed to draw their own conclusions or have their own opinions based on what they see not hearing your opinion all along and making it their own. The kids may even say they wish they were with their parent(s) instead of you but that’s usually when they are mad or not getting their way. In the long run, they will come to appreciate you and everything you did for them. Let your actions and their parents’ actions (or inactions) speak for themselves.

The second topic I want to write about is also one that some people might get a little hot under the collar about, but just remember what I said at the beginning of this article. Whenever something bad/tragic happens, especially if it involves a child getting hurt, people like to make assumptions and judge others or have a very strong negative opinion about the people involved in the tragic situation. The problem is, before they have all the facts, they start posting on Facebook or gossiping or shooting their mouth off. If I had a nickel for every time I have seen this happen, I’d have . . . well I don’t know how many nickels I’d have, but it would be a lot . . . at least enough to buy my favorite caramel nut latte from Java the Hut. The fact of the matter is it is unfair for people to judge others so unfairly, especially before they have all the facts. Those affected are having a hard enough time dealing with the tragedy without having to deal with what is being said by those who are uninformed. When my nephew and great-nephew were killed in a car accident almost two years ago, people posted on Facebook and said such awful things about my niece because they assumed she did not have her baby buckled into his car seat. The parents did have him buckled in and it took for one of the first people on the scene to speak up and say the baby was buckled in and that he (the paramedic) actually unbuckled the baby. After that, people tried to justify their diarrhea of the mouth by saying they did not know. When you hear of a tragedy, the best thing to do is to pray for the people involved and their families and leave it at that, otherwise you might get stuck eating crow.

Take care and God bless.

JoAnn Rey is a Licensed Professional Counselor with West Texas Family Medicine.