OK, here’s an old one. Scientists bring back this one female of the lost Ugilee tribe, the very last survivor of the whole tribe, and they think, well, as hideous as they are, it’s a shame they go extinct, so let’s find some poor sap down on his luck, offer him a bit of money to breed with her, and that’ll keep the bloodline going for a while yet. So they put up ads in the paper and on Craigslist, along with a picture of the girl. A couple weeks go by, not even an email asking about it. Then one morning in stumbles poor old O’Reilly, looking like he’s had a rough night. “Is this the place with that . . .that girl?” he whispers to the scientist. “That’s right.” “That was a helluva picture, she really look like that?” The scientist opens a little window, and there she is, sitting on a log. “Jaysus, Mary, an’ Joseph! You sure she’s even human?” The scientist nods. “An’ . . . an’ the advert said. . . there was money involved?” “One hundred dollars.” O’Reilly shakes his head. “Gimme ten minutes or so tae think about this,” he says, and and sits down in the waiting room. After ten minutes, the scientist comes back out. “Well?” “All right,” says O’Reilly. “I’m yer man. But there’s got to be three conditions.” “Yes?” “First — I don’t have to kiss her.” “Right, not a problem.” “Second — any children will have to be baptised and raised Catholic.” “We’ll see to that.” “And third . . . you’re gonna have to give me a few days to raise that hundred dollars!”