The ego, in psychoanalytical theory, is the part of the human psyche that serves as the conscious mediator between an individual's dreams and their everyday reality. The ego is therefore critical to a healthy attitude, by influencing both perception of and adaptation to reality. However, managing your ego can be very tricky. It’s often the last thing we think about as being behind the decisions we may make; decisions that might seem perfectly appropriate in the moment, but cause us pain and regret later on down the road...

Case in point: a friend of mine is having a very hard time “getting over” a relationship that is not in her best interest. She has broken off relations with the other person involved several times but finds herself inexplicably drawn back in time after time. She knows that the relationship is not good for her, yet she cannot seem to let it go. Taking this example, perhaps you can draw some parallels to certain incidences that have occurred in your life. Consider using the following methods to find resolve in these issues and release them for your greater good.

Meditation: Close your eyes and settle into a comfortable position. Breathe and relax your body, starting with your toes and moving all the way up to your head. When you feel relaxed, see yourself standing in front of a huge movie screen. On this screen, “movie” scenes are being played that deal with the relationship at hand. Maybe you see yourself sitting in a restaurant, waiting for your partner to show up. They are late and you look very lonely. Breathe and notice how you feel. Another scene may find you answering the phone and having an argument that leaves you very unhappy or angry. Breathe deeply and notice again how you feel. Take the time to really “see” all that you need to in this place. Breathe, and when you feel ready, bring your consciousness back into the room.

Writing: Grab a piece of paper and a pencil. Draw two columns on the page. Label one “What do I accept?” and the other “Why do I accept this?” Then list out, truthfully, what you feel you have been accepting or compromising on and why. I went through this exercise with my friend and some of her thoughts formed like this: “I am accepting the rude behavior he is displaying to me by being late and not considering my feelings. He also never calls when he says he will.” In the other column, she admitted, “I am accepting this behavior because I am afraid I won’t find another companion. I was married for so long that I am not used to being in a new relationship.” As she continued with this exercise, she realized that not only did she have fears of abandonment and loneliness; she also wanted to try to teach her partner good behavior. Additionally, she realized that, with the help of her ego, she created a reality that could never exist with this particular person. It was completely driven by her desperation to mold the situation into what she wanted, rather than keep focused on her true desire and wait until it came naturally. Patience is very difficult, but it does free us from the over-abundance of ego.

Reading: One highly acclaimed book that can help you with managing your ego is “Infinite Self: 33 Steps to Reclaiming Your Inner Power,” by Stuart Wilde. This is a wonderful book that guides you through the exploration of ego and processes to release any negative effects it may have on your life.

As with most things, there is an upside to ego. It allows us to achieve seemingly impossible dreams. To weather tremendous life storms and continue on with our human spirit. It enables us to keep making goals and motivates us to grow and change in tremendous ways. That is why it is important to keep it in harmony with reality, to create balance in our lives. Embrace your ego, but also know when to let it go.