subscribe

Pages

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Cake expert, Tom Gann: "Pastry chefs, I am leaving you with five minutes to finish your cakes for this week's show. I'm egregiously consternated that some of you might not finish in time, but I am confident that you all have the Sturm und Drang to 'wow' me. Your desserts to this point have consistently been astrudently bralifiscent! So, make it work!"

{moments later}

Hilga Flan: "Designers, welcome to the runway. Your challenge this week was to design a cake where your only limit was your imagination. As you know, in baking, you're either thin or you're stout. Let's start the show."

Kelly: "I wanted my design to be whimsical and childlike, but still fashion forward."

Judge #1, Editor of Gourmet Cake Monthly, Mia Gonzales: "I don't get it. We wanted a high fashion cake, not an arts and craft project."

Mia: "Lindsay, it's like you've never decorated a cake before in your life. This is... It's just... I am speechless."

Daniel: "I'm really not getting it. Is any of this even edible? If this is couture, get me out of the cake business, NOW."

Hilga: "It's a hot mess."

*

Frederick: "My design was inspired by my mother. She was a florist."

Mia: "More like, she was a BORIST. What a snoozefest."

Daniel: "I see how it was inspired by your mother. It's like, mother of the bride meets the spray paint department at K-Mart. And it's so matronly! What's with the stripes? I... I just don't get it."

Hilga: "I kind of like this one. It's like it's had a kiss from a rose."

Daniel: "Ugh... you would like this one."

*

Santiago: "I spent last summer in China, and it inspired me."

Mia: "Santiago, this is outstanding. I would take this cake to a party right now."

Daniel: "I agree. This is just stunning. I think the dragon is now, it's modern, it's hip. The kiwis and cherries are what's happening in cake decorating... it's really well thought out. Bravo."

Hilga: "Santiago, it's really hot. You're this week's winner! Congratulations! You will have immunity in next week's challenge, where you will all have 20 minutes to decorate a wedding cake while hog-tied and blindfolded."

Chasity B., Sue M., Alex N., Shawn B., Shana C., I recommend that you accessorize your designs thoughtfully; perhaps by adding some piping and a few more layers? (Get it? Cause there are layers and piping in both cake and clothes?) Seriously, make it work.

You captured the voice AND the spirit of the original perfectly! But what's with all the silver dragees? You might as well sprinkle cakes with real buttons; either way, some molar is going down. And if only the person who decorated that roses-in-a-baking-pan cake had stepped away from the airbrush (or used it thoughtfully)....

And the winner? Spot on. I'm frequently left thinking, "Wait. What? Wait. They *all* agree that that's the winner? Wait. Okay. No, wait. Why don't they pick Uli*? I just don't get it. They're in some different space-time continuum."

Loved it! I totally had all of the judges' voices in my head while reading this. And the baffling choices they make (especially to someone who gets fashion even less after regularly watching) really does seem to reflect what goes on inside the head of some cake "artists." I have to say I'm a little disappointed that you didn't work in my new favorite Heidi-ism (from this past season): "hosh kaposh." Disregarding that, you definitely made it work!

This post was beyond astrudently bralifiscent. The fourth cake gave me a flashback. I seem to remember wearing a plaid-rose bridesmaid dress sometime in the seventies. Same colors, too. It was indeed a hot mess.

I looove the Merry-Go-Round cake. I'm going to go make my own right now! (If I could make roses like that I'd do it all day). But the one underneath it is such a complete wreck that I howled. That's cake? I thought it was the pile decorators made at the end of the table, of stuff that didn't work.

I went to Mood last week to go fabric shopping and they have "Thank you Mood" tee shirts. But it didn't come with Tim Gunn so I wasn't interested. I adore that man. My mom ran into him grocery shopping in perfectly pressed linen pants. How adorable is he?

@Aviatrix and @BadKarma-- you too can have roses like on the carousel! Those look suspiciously like the pre-made roses for sale at Bulk Barn (a Canadian bulk food store-- aka heaven for bakers and candy-eaters). In fact, looks like they bought them in every colour...

#1 The new turntable arrived! At last I can finish "Butterflies in a confetti tornado."

#2 The blue horse on the left would actually be traveling sideways, which would be a real treat for anyone subject to motion sickness. That pretty much applies to the whole wreck, come to think of it.

#3 Why is there more than one of these conglomerations? Why does the one in the foreground have such a huge candle? Did Sandra Lee open a 'bakery'? [Nooooo!]

#5 It took me three tries to find the head of the dragon, the ears of which are disturbingly 'realistic' in a way that has nothing to do with ears. Regarding the most obvious details, I'm pretty sure dragons don't have mammary glands, so what are those supposed to be? (For a while there, I thought it was going to be 2011's first 'boobie EPCOT'.)

Lol I have never laughed so hard as when I looked at that so called dragon cake. It looks like it has boobs mixed in with weird frosting junk thrown in. Man what are they thinking when they make these?? All I see is a bunch of colors thrown on the cake just for the heck of it.

I've never seen Project Runway, and now I know I never will. I can't even tell what that third cake is (other than chic and elegant, I mean)--what IS all that??? And the last cake with the "dragon" (or whatever) wrapped around . . .haystacks? Er, something? But I won't disagree with the judges because they MUST all have special knowledge and skills or else they wouldn't be on television. Right? I mean, what do the rest of us know? :)

# 3 the green squiggles are in Chinese :) I think the first one is "ji" *lucky* and the last 2 characters mean "fu" *luck*. They are lucky symbols, perhaps not starting off quite so lucky this time around! You will see tons of "fu's" (usually upside down) in windows around China at the moment preparing for Chinese New Year ...

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.