This new potential lead singer, Anne, has a gig coming up, so she tells John that if he'd like to come see her and her current (soon to be former) band, she can put his name on the guest list. It's a private event, but they told the band that they could each invite one or two friends. So John and Kay (John's wife) go to this party thing.

The event is the annual bash put on by the "Gender Society of Chicago" or something like that. Transvestites, transsexuals, and other trans. The joke John had made about expanding the search criteria to include transvestites came immediately to mind. She says in her email that they pay well, and as most artists say, "A gig's a gig." Hey, I'm not judging.

John gets hit on all evening. He's a good-looking guy, tall, in good shape, great smile. His wife Kay is a babe, and they totally ignore her. That's probably never happened to her before.

Oh yeah, the band. They sucked. They set up on a "stage" which was basically a platform raised a foot off the floor at one end of the room. It wasn't very big, so the monitors were down on the main floor, right against the front of the stage, which meant that most of the monitor sound went under the stage, not up to the band. Since the band couldn't hear themselves, the sound guy tried to compensate by cranking the mains, resulting in massive feedback screeches every couple of minutes. Whenever that happened, one of two things would happen: (1) he pulls the mains back down and throws his hands up in a "What am I supposed to do?" motion, or (2) nothing, because he's outside having a smoke. Option 2 happens a lot more than Option 1. The feedback screams for a while, then he comes running in the back door and pulls the mains down. Also, he's set up to one side of the band, slightly behind the stage, because that's probably where they told him to set up, so he can't hear anything anyway, and has to do the thing where he adjusts a fader, runs out to the main floor to listen a little, runs back and adjusts some more, etc.

The bassist, guitarist, and drummer all suck. John says that Anne the singer and the other lead singer, who plays the flute and think's he's Ian Anderson, are the only ones with any actual talent, and Anne would definitely do better with a decent band behind her. The lead guy acts like he's taking medication to enhance his spastic actions. He runs around and dances and stuff, trying to be Ian Anderson, even though there's really no room for it, and looks pretty stupid, but obviously he thinks it looks really cool, and it's his band, so whatever. You can understand why Anne wants to leave this band.

We set an audition date. We set up a song list. Five songs; three from our current list, two new ones that she likes. One is "What's Up?" by 4 Non Blondes, which everyone in the world knows, and if they don't, they will two minutes later because it's literally the same three chords all the way through. Verses, chorus, breaks, same chords (A, Bm, D). The other song is new to us. "High Road Easy" by Sass Jordan. Never heard of her, but it's a kickass song. We're so eager to learn new songs and also hopefully impress this girl that we agree to learn two songs just for the audition. And she's impressed by that, so... cool.

Steve, our guitarist who has been looking for a job for like two like years, has scored one. Driving a truck, 11 days on the road, three days off. This means he's available every other weekend, but that's cool because we only practice every other weekend, and hey, a gig's a gig. But it makes it tricky to schedule the audition because the weekend he's in town is coming up, and that's not enough time to learn the new tunes. Two weeks later, Anne gets sick and can't sing. We were all ready to go. That was the weekend before Thanksgiving. We still haven't rescheduled her audition.

Meanwhile, we've got a few bass players who look promising. We auditioned one of them, Jerry, last week. He's mediocre at best. Personality-wise, he's a good fit. Same age as us, one teenager and one in college, lives nearby, been playing since high school, all that. The audition takes place one day short of three months since our last gig. He seemed impressed by how tight we were for not playing together for three months. Meanwhile, we're not particularly impressed by him, especially considering that this is an audition and he presumably had prepared and this was as good as he was gonna do.

We do "Long Train Runin'" by The Doobie Brothers in E, down from G, because Steve can't sing it in G. Too damned high. Our previous bassist, Mike, had no problem playing it in E, even said it was easier. Jerry said almost the same thing, "It's just frets." Except he got lost and confused a few times. On one of the other songs, "What You Need" by INXS, he played something... weird. Mostly just thumped on the tonic, instead of that awesome moving bass line on the record. We stopped the song and asked him what he was doing. He said that "that's what on the sheet music." Oh shit.

I've looked up chord charts and sheet music for songs before, and it's often a handy shortcut to what key it's in, and some of the chords that venture outside your standard 1-4-5, but after that, you still have to learn your part. Anyone with ears knows the guy isn't just thumping on the F# the whole verse.

So Jerry is not a strong prospect. Earlier this week, John sent an email saying he had two other guys lined up, and they've both backed out. One decided he didn't really have time after all, the other has gotten back with a former band. Shit.

JT, our drummer, sent an email last night saying he's got a guy who wants to audition, is Monday okay? Four days from now. Sure, what the hell. Since then, John and Steve have practically gotten into an argument about which songs to play before I've even responded (I didn't see the email until this morning). So I finally replied and told them I was in, and when they figure out which songs to do, to let me know.

I won't have much time to prepare anyway, and might not even bother setting up my gear. It's still packed from Jerry's audition. This Sunday, the choir is doing our Christmas Cantata, and we have a full rehearsal on Saturday. Yeah, baby!

I was in a bit of a hurry and forgot a few things I meant to include in that last update. Yeah I know, it was long enough as it was, but I really do think of these things, and try to remember to write about them here.

So remember how JT had made that bad joke about transvestites and "the last singer", meaning that other girl who never did audition with us because she never called John back (after twice saying in email that she would)? And how he had to explain all that when Mike, Karen's estranged husband (but trying not to be) called him out on it, taking offense because he thought JT was talking about Karen? Well, it turns out that JT really did stick his foot in it, really was talking about Karen, didn't notice that Mike was on the Reply All list (because at that point Mike was out of the band, but was on the email because he'd agreed to play bass with us to help audition the new singer), and he really was backpedalling. Steve told me about it when we got together last week for Jerry's mediocre audition. JT sent Steve a text about it. JT did such a brilliant job of backpedalling that I actually bought it.

Still, even if I hadn't, I would've given the same story to Karen because there's no point in her feeling like shit over something like that, and there's still a chance that Mike only shared that with her to upset her. I have no idea how fucked up their relationship is, but Karen intimated that it's abusive and it would be just like Mike to do something like that. I had no idea. They always seemed so cool together. But regardless, at that moment, Karen needed some reassurance and understanding, so I gave it to her. It helps that I believed JT's story, or wanted to believe it anyway, but I would've lied to spare her feelings. I don't know if that's right or wrong.

I'm Facebook Friends with all of these people, and saw recently that Karen is now Friends with Rick, the original guitarist who turned out to be a psycho head case. John fired him from the band after a unaminous vote, but Rick tried telling me that he'd actually quit and John just told us all that he'd fired him. Rick was the guy who would show up to rehearsals and play things completely differently from the record, and differently from what they'd decided (with multiple guitarists, you have to decide who plays what), and then later complained to John that he couldn't take it anymore, being expected to play things a certain way, and answer to everybody else in the band, and whine, whine, whine. The first thing is just common sense; when everyone's worked out their parts, you can't just play something totally different because you thought you'd try something new. The second, I have no idea where that came from, except maybe that some of us said something about how he wasn't playing anything like what was on the record.

Anyway, Karen and Rick are now Facebook Friends. They can bond over quitting the same band, or getting fired, or however they want to see it, and have a few laughs at our expense. Good for them.

And finally, because I'm Facebook Friends with Steve, I know that he recently joined a group called Chicago Area Musicians Looking for Bands, or something very much like that. So that's kinduv interesting. Maybe it was part of the search for bass players, and maybe it was for himself, who knows?

JT's new guy, Tony, was amazing, and he has been voted into the band, unanimously. We have a new bass player.

JT's been around for a long time, and is a very talented and very intense person. He's toured professionally (I think he said he was with Bette Midler's band for a tour) and also done some pretty high-profile gigs. The last time Tony and JT played together was at the Trump Tower for the Australian Consulate. So yeah, high-profile stuff. So why's he slumming with a middle-aged garage (actually basement) band? Because he's 50, owns two businesses and runs three, and just wants to play rock and roll for fun. The hassle of chasing down gigs and dealing with all that is for younger guys, or guys with more time than he has. He keeps one of his four kits at John's house, and just drives over for practices.

Anyway, the guys eventually agreed on five songs, which we and Tony blew through, no problem. He was great, jumped in and did background vocals, the whole nine yards. Then it was time to sit down and talk a bit, get to know each other, and everybody was cool and joking around and he was a good fit personality-wise as well. Then John says "Okay, now what?" and I knew he was talking about whether we vote or what, but I didn't pack all my shit and haul it half an hour up the road to play five songs, so I said "Let's jam some more." So we went and jammed for another half hour, maybe 45 minutes. Good times.

Anne, the potential new singer, still can't sing. We rescheduled her audition again, then had to cancel it again. Her doctor says it's developed into some kind of bronchial infection. Nasty stuff for anyone, but obviously extra bad for a singer.

John sent an email today saying he has reached out to another prospect, someone named Julie, and asked for our thoughts. I told him that it's not a bad idea to keep our options open. He sent a link to her page on BandMix.com. Three song samples, but no pictures. This is incredibly shallow of me, but generally if someone thinks their looks will help their chances of getting gigs, or at least won't hurt their chances, they include pictures of themselves. What does it mean when someone is looking to join a band, but doesn't want anyone to see pictures of them? Yeah.

Depends on what her age is? A lot of people over 40 and even some slightly over 30 still think putting their pictures online is a huuuuge no-no even in places where they're required. You're gonna see her at some point anyway so maybe it's not a big deal.

True. But in the music biz, image is often just as important as talent, possibly moreso. Not so much for the stuff we're doing, but still, the lead singer is the face of the band, and right or wrong, looks matter. If there are two or three potential candidates with decent promo pics, that's all you need. You check out their song samples, read their biographies, and go from there. By not including any pictures at all, she's letting the music do the talking, which ideally is how it should be, but the number of people who listen to her samples will be greatly reduced to begin with. She's already put herself in the "second choices" pile.

Anne, the potential new singer who for two months now, on and off, has supposedly been trying to set up an audition with us, and us with her, sent John a text saying that they really need to talk. Yeah, so that sounds ominous. They talk, and she's completely on the fence about this whole thing. She doesn't like to disappoint people, and she doesn't really handle change well. Sure, her current band isn't great, but they have fun and they do get some gigs, and that's okay with her. Apparently all the reasons she wanted to quit are no longer relevant. So why is she even calling? What, just to vent?

John has had about enough of this, and he also wants her for our band, so he tells her that really, she needs to decide what she wants to do. Does she want to audition with us or not? Does she really want to stay with a band that pushes her aside for some spazz with a flute and not even see if the grass is any greener elsewhere? (Basically, shit or get off the pot, honey.) She finally decides that she should at least audition with us. Well, damned right she should!

Except she's still supposedly fighting off whatever bug has invaded her body and won't leave. And even if she auditions with us, we don't know if we're any closer to stealing her from her current lame band.

In other news, Mike and Karen's New Year's Eve Jam is coming up again. They host a big jam every New Year's Eve at their house and invite all their friends, which includes a lot of musicians since they've played in a lot of bands and count all of them as friends. I've been invited every year for four or five years now, but we always got together with our friends and I couldn't do it. Last year, the female half of the other couple (who is also named Karen) got sick, so our plans were cancelled and I was free to go jam. Yay! Except we got a foot of snow that night, starting at around 6:00, so I stayed home after all.

So anyway, our band, Oh Zone, was invited, either individually or as a band. Since we just got a new bassist and still don't have a singer, Mike said he and/or Karen would be happy to jump in a fill things out. It's just gonna be a bunch of musicians forming various groups and subgroups and playing songs. I'm looking forward to it. I want to jam. I just want to play.

We finally auditioned Anne yesterday! She was great. Not perfect, since she's still getting over that bronchial infection or whatever it was, but already a step up from Karen. We were a little rusty too, having not played since July other than auditioning Tony the bassist, so it was interesting. Anne had her friend Joe with her for moral support and to help assess things. He said that he could tell we were a bit rusty, but still a lot better than Anne's current band. As always, JT and I were the best-prepared. We had our parts down. John honestly is probably the weakest link, but it's his band, and Steve and Tony admitted that they had worked on the songs but not that seriously, since they didn't really think the audition would ever happen. Great attitude, guys. I learned the fucking songs two months ago when we were gonna audition her the first time.

Anyway, we voted, and have offered Anne the job. If we've gone through all this and she doesn't join our band, I will actually be pissed. I don't even care if she also stays with her other band. Heck, we're just a part-time band anyway, and don't have any gigs. We're still trying to put our set list together (though it hasn't helped that the band went on hiatus in July, then two key members quit three days before we were to start working up our third set). But we told her that we're willing to make her the front person, give her final say in all song choices, and build our set list and show around her. Honestly, I can't imagine someone turning that down, but what do I know?

We have a new singer! Anne has accepted the position. We are now sporting a full lineup for the first time in months. Time to get crackin' on some songs.

Anne has already taken it upon herself to get the party started, and sent out a list of five songs that she really wants to do. This is fine, by the way, as John has encouraged her to speak up about what songs she wants to do, something our previous singer never did. Two of the songs are the ones we learned for her audition, so no problem. The others, no problem. She also had a "wish list" of another dozen or so songs she'd like us to consider. See, now this is progress. Instead of us all sitting around going "What songs should we learn next?" she's got a bunch in mind. Some of them won't work, some aren't exactly our style, but it's still better to have a bunch of stuff to choose from than to have nothing. We literally begged Karen to name songs she wanted to do, and she never did. She ultimately contributed very little to the band, and it's sad because she's the reason I joined. She's the only one I knew before; I didn't want to just join a band of strangers. I'm not that desperate to rock and roll. But now I'm kinda glad she left. I've gotten to know the guys, and damn, we keep losing members, but replacing them with upgrades.

Anyway, John sent out an email summarizing where we are now, and the three things we need to do. We need to decide which songs from the previous set list should be kept, we need to decide on new songs to feature our new singer, and we need to decide on a rehearsal time. So we have some more administrivia to deal with, but we're making progress.

Definitely. Also, a lot of the newer songs have synthesizer(s) on them, so I'll be breaking out the Prophet-5. Thus far, I've been covering everything with piano and/or Hammond patches, and occassional strings and/or horns, on my Yamaha. I'll bring the Prophet, but only if we actually need it. I ain't a kid anymore, and it's not about showing off the rig. The thing weighs 40 pounds and is an extra trip to/from the car and up/down the stairs by itself. Hardwood and metal, the way they used to make keyboards. I mean, my 10-pound Yamaha sounds great and is fine for what we've done so far, but it looks like we're going to step it up a notch.

I'm ready. I sent John an email reminding him that I've got a poly analog synth and I know how to use it. I only ask that when deciding on tunes to rehearse, that he group them together. If I'm going to haul the thing and set it up, I'd rather we work on two or three songs with synths. It's kinda not worth it to practice one song. Kinda the same as with the sax. I'll bring it, but let's practice two or three songs with sax at the same rehearsal. The sax and stand aren't heavy, but together they're an extra trip because I can't carry them plus the piano and amp, so again I'd rather practice two or three songs with it, or none at all.

So it's kinda like the 80's all over again. I'm still trying to figure out if that's good or bad.

I thought rock was getting downright stupid for a while with the makeup and hairspray, and I don't know if it was grunge or whatever the subgenre was, but I'm damned glad that they brought back jeans and T-shirts and other normal clothes on stage.

I know some people like glam metal or hair metal or whatever you call it, but come on. This is not what rock and roll looks like to me (yes, that's four dudes):

This is what rock and roll looks like to me:

If any of the guys in your band are wearing lipstick or feather boas, seriously, just get the fuck out.

A lot of 80's music sounds good to my ears. My wife made a mix CD once (back when people did such things) simply called "Hair Metal" and I was surprised to find myself rocking out to it in the car with her.

But I just can't watch it. Sorry, Coz, and I actually thought of you while writing what I did above because I know you're partial to 80's metal, but man, that shit's just painful to watch.

I get it, honestly. It IS completely over the top. And in some instances, even I can agree that it's a little cringe-worthy, albeit not very often.

That's just part of what I have always loved about it. EVERYTHING was over the top back then. The hair. The outfits. The neon. The women. The guitar solos. The alcohol. The partying. The endless nailing of groupies. It was about reveling in the here and now and enjoying every second of it.

Not that there isn't other less obvious music that celebrates enjoying life and such, but for some reason, the excess of it all just connects with me. I don't know why, it just makes me happy.

Okay, that's a fair point, Coz. Rock and roll is about letting loose and just doing whatever the fuck you want, to as extreme a degree as you can handle. The fashion thing is a part of that, and it eventually got out of hand, but it's a self-correcting system. Eventually everything goes too far, implodes, and we're back to jeans and T-shirts.

Something else I thought of. All the glam and hair could well have been started by this:

I thought that look was cool as hell. And in 1976 it was. But bands kept pushing the limits, and eventually you have glitter eye shadow and lipstick on dudes. Shit like that.

In 1982, we were playing a venue with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and blue carpeting on the walls, and our guitarist Pete got hit on by some guy. Like, seriously hit on during the breaks. I was unaware of any of this, but it was later that week that Pete announced that we were ditching the spandex and hairspray. I'm pretty sure those two events are connected.

In 1982, we were playing a venue with chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and blue carpeting on the walls, and our guitarist Pete got hit on by some guy. Like, seriously hit on during the breaks. I was unaware of any of this, but it was later that week that Pete announced that we were ditching the spandex and hairspray. I'm pretty sure those two events are connected.

You don't need spandex and hair spray to get hit on by a guy. Maybe his vibe was just so sexy that everybody fell in love with him .... everybody. Are you telling us the whole story?

First rehearsal tonight with the new lineup. Our new singer, Anne, has decided to join our band but also stay with her other band. Her other band has gigs lined up through this summer, so she can't just leave them. We're not exactly in a position to demand that she quit them or anything. In fact, Steve (guitar) has another band, I have a few other musical commitments through the church, and JT (drums) and Tony (bass) both occassionally do local session work, so none of us are really monogamous, musically speaking.

It was kinda funny, though, the way she sold it to us (which she didn't even have to do). She pointed out that she's still rather new to the game, and this experience with the other band will ultimately make her a better singer and performer, thus our band will benefit. She's only been singing in bands for a few years, and this other band she's in is the first one to actually play gigs. I didn't realize that. I thought she was just like us, been doing this since junior high or high school, maybe was out of the game for a while to raise a family, but is now back in. Nope. She's always liked to sing, and a friend of hers finally convinced her to "get serious" about it and audition for a band, but she's never done this before. She's great. Also pretty hot.

So ideally, she'll keep working with us while we put the set list together, keep getting experience and confidence working with the other band, then eventually quit them because they suck and go full-time with us when we start landing gigs this summer. That would be the best possible outcome. There are obviously many scenarios with less desirable outcomes, the worst of course being that she quits our band when her other band actually starts getting better and she's too busy to do both. Well, we can't control what happens, so we'll just have to see. Time to go grab some food, then head out to John's for practice.

I thought about that, actually. Right now, I'm gonna hold off. Once we have some pictures from gigs or even rehearsals, sure, but just posting pictures of her because I think she's hot doesn't seem quite right.

Well, sometimes. Also, you guys have to remember that I'm 52 years old, and no one in my band is under 50, so "hot" is relative. I think she's really pretty, but a lot of guys would look at her and say "She could be my mom!" Well yeah, she could. But then you wouldn't be quite so ugly, would you?

That's one of the few perqs of getting older, the change of perspective. Those hot college girls still look great, of course, but the 30- and 40-somethings who I (mostly) wouldn't have given a second glance back when I was in school look pretty good now.