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Saturday, December 13, 2014

Just thought I'd write to let you know that I am indeed alive. Actually, currently feeling better than ever. I spent the past month actually allowing myself to experience the negative emotions I've been holding back, some since college, some since I was 5. Boy does it feel awesome! I've recognized some of the dissonance between the two different parenting styles which affected me the most (my biological family and my adoptive family), and accepted that I am who I am, and I don't have to feel bad that it's not who my adoptive family wanted me to be.

I also found out that doing housework makes me horny. For sure so far, this includes sweeping and mopping floors, doing dishes, and doing laundry. I have yet to explore vacuuming in this context, or cleannig things like the bathtub, sinks, and counters. I've acknowledged and faced my issues with organizing and with packing. Not sure if they're gone, but I know if they aren't I can get through them. (After the bullshit this past weekend, where I was dealing with a phobia on top of everything that happened with both my mothers... I can handle ANYTHING).

All this means that I feel... at peace with myself. I feel like I can do absolutely anything. I no longer shake when I try to do cleaning. So yay!

I have a part-time job, minimum wage bullshit as usual. As usual, I don't want to talk about it.

Tomorrow, I do have to work at my off-cam job. However, I'll be "home" around 5:15 pm. I intend on getting on MFC for a couple hours for some fun a little after I get "home". I will tweet about it, so watch for me!

Saturday, September 27, 2014

This gentleman is indeed a gentleman. I have changed his name to protect him from any harassment or embarrassment. This is published because he really knows what he is talking about. As it was typed in real-time with no editing, and I have not gone through to fix the mistakes, please forgive bad spelling. Again, he was the one who typed anything that isn't in parenthesis or formatted.

In public on Streamate:

flowery typer: hello miss luna
how are you on this lovely evening
my oh my..... your porcelain skin is simply radiant.....
i am great
oh my..... and that smile is blinding
i think i will need my sunglasses
its the popcorn song....

In private on Streamate(I did my best to act it out with my hands once I was on the bed, and got more into it the more I stripped):

Monday, July 7, 2014

When I was little, I had no concept of the idea of "playing favorites". Now, I understand it better. But there were things from back then which, while I now know that they happen, I still have really no understanding of why people do them.

Spiteful gossip. You know, telling lies about someone to make them look bad. Or even telling the truth in a way that makes it seem worse than it is. Why would you do something like that to hurt another person? I don't understand it.

Envy. Oh, I understand wanting something someone else has. I do not understand wanting to take it away from that person instead of getting your own. I do not understand wanting to make someone else pay for having something you don't.

Teasing. I don't really understand why making someone else uncomfortable is considered fun, or even friendly. I do it, because it's expected, but it never feels as much fun as other people make it out to be.

Falsehoods for fun? I honestly don't know what to call it. Probably taking advantage of gullibility for fun. The only way is to give an example. Telling a little kid who doesn't get that lies happen, that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Or from feeding them chocolate. And never letting them see the part where the chocolate is stirred into the milk. So then they grow up believing it to be true. It gets worse when it's someone who is "supposed to know better", because then there's this sadistic glee behind it. "I got her good!"

Doing something that a person dislikes, because they dislike it. By that I mean, knowing that someone dislikes being called Cat, calling that person Cat, and the purpose is to make that person uncomfortable.

I guess, I just don't understand why people want to be mean. Or why people don't consider the things I've listed to be mean. I know they happen, and I've done a few with people I know take delight in it, because they enjoy doing it to others so much. But when a person is known to think that those things are mean, they tend to get teased, called a "goody two-shoes", or other such slurs. What's so wrong with being sensitive? Why is it such a bad thing to want to treat others with respect, to take a question seriously, to be uncomfortable with the sorts of jokes that are made to make a person look stupid?

When I was little, taking things seriously like that made older people call me "mature". But now that I'm older, I get told I'm being a baby for thinking the same things that made me so mature. It doesn't make sense to me. If it's mature for a child to think it, is it not something a mature person should be thinking?

I guess, having been fooled that often has made me a weird sort of cynical. I'm still way too trusting in many ways, but in others, I'm very paranoid. Someone who has a habit of playing tricks, well, it will take a long time for me to trust each thing they have to say. And why should I trust someone who wants to make a child believe the moon is made of green cheese, just so they can laugh when the child repeats this "fact"?

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

-I was born into a middle class family (race doesn't enter into it, socio-economic class is the deciding factor on this one. Just so happens that black people are more likely to be born into poor families.). Therefore, I'm less likely to end up in prison, more likely to graduate from college.

-I was in foster care. Therefore, I'm more likely to end up in prison, less likely to graduate from college. Though I already graduated from college and don't look to become desperate enough to end up in prison any time soon, so we can say that being middle class was a more deciding factor than broken homes.

-I am female. Therefore, I am less likely to be interested in technical things, though I happen to be. There are plenty of programs and scholarships to help me if I do decide to go into a STEM field. This also means that there is no program I can't enter, nothing I can't try to do, and no place I can't go in to. Unlike men.

-I am female. This means that I have access to the following birth control methods:
*depo-provera shot
*a bunch of different types of monthly pill cycles
*a three-month pill cycle
*a ring to insert into my vagina, which I change once a month
*a device inserted into my vagina which must be monitored yearly and changed either every 5 years or every 7-12 years (IUD)
*keeping track of my fertility by being very very diligent and careful
*"plan b" morning after pill
*various natural concoctions which can induce a period to act like a morning after pill
*a device which fits over the cervix to the vagina to keep the sperm out of the womb (diaphragm for long-term, or a female condom for short term)
*having tubes tied or snipped for a permanent solution
*a gel which is sprayed into my vagina and acts to kill and slow sperm

I also have access to the following methods if none of the above work
*abortion
*adoption
*abandon at a safe place (church, monastery, police station)

I am allowed to use any combination of the above methods without consulting the potential father, or even informing him that I am pregnant. I also have the option of not telling him I'm pregnant, having the child, and then naming any man I want as the father to get his money.

As a woman, I am more likely to be hired for a job than a man is because of affirmative action. As a woman, I am more likely to be accepted to anything I apply for, because of government programs. So, I think I'll count female as being privileged.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

There's a bit of a debate about whether the human male or the human female is more aggressive. Why the debate? Well, the females are well known for using passive-aggressiveness, for hanging on to a grudge, and for seeking the worst sorts of revenge. The human males are known for having their altercation, fighting it out, and moving on (unless the wrong involves hurting someone they actually care about, then it gets ugly). But, the males are more about physical aggression, while the females are more about emotional aggression. The males will settle by punching, but the females settle by ridicule, shunning, and other such tricks. The male's aggression looks worse, but, barring actual death, the female's aggression takes longer and is more damaging to the target in the long run (it takes longer to fix a broken spirit than a broken arm, after all). Thus the debate.

But I think it's more than that.

Consider in the wild. The species which are aggressive are those which eat meat. The species which aren't aggressive don't eat meat. (I won't say eat plants, because omnivores fall under eat meat category). Non-aggressive species tend to hide, run if they can't hide, and only fight if they are forced to. The only way to force them is to attack another member of their group, or to corner them. However, during mating season, a male becomes dangerous, because he will attack. So, we could say that the males are more aggressive among the more peaceful species.

In the aggressive species, the whole species will attack to defend their territory, not just their people. They also attack for food, but I won't count that as aggression, not because it's not aggressive behavior, but because the motivation is hunger, which isn't necessarily aggressive. Among these species, the only reason a male will attack another of the same species is dominance/possession issues, as well as the familiar quick revenge match we see in human males. (Don't take my mate/territory, or I am higher than you are, or That hurt!) But the females will nip and bother, attacking for any and all reasons. When defending their young, the females are always accepted as being more aggressive. So in meat eaters, in aggressive species, the female is the more aggressive one.

Now look at humans. Not the in-group aggression, but the out of group aggression. We are evolved to be omnivores, eating both meat and plants. But how many people try to live off of just plants? We tend to attack to defend our territory, but our ideals are to only defend our persons. In short, we are an aggressive species, but we want to believe we are not. Since we are, in fact, aggressive, then we can say with confidence that the females are actually the more aggressive half, but since we want to believe we are not, we try to prove over and over again that the males are the more aggressive half. It also results in us socializing our boys to be more aggressive, but it only really gets directed against the out-group. Girls and women are still very aggressive towards even peers within their group.

So there you have it. The fight is not just about who is more aggressive within the species, but about the nature of our species as a whole. I hate to say it guys, but we are an aggressive species.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

The following conversation happened between myself and a person on MFC, through their mail system. He titled the message "Video Suggestion".

First, the conversation. He is in green with the > in front, I am in purple.

* * *

> hey could you email me please i would like for you to make a video for me

Not sure why you needed me to respond before telling me, but what is it?

> i never seee you on i would really like to see you cum with a big dilldo faceing the camera laying down how much ? please lmk when you can

Go to my clips4sale store ( http://clips4sale.com/store/42697 ) link on profile, blog, and website. There's a search keyword bar at the top. Enter dildo (only 1 l in dildo), and you'll find all the clips I've done with a dildo. Unless it says in the description, you can assume I'm facing the camera. Enjoy.

> oh ok but i wanted a custom one :sad

I don't do customs. I take suggestions for videos that I will post for everyone to buy., The places where I said you can send me suggestions specifically say I don't do customs.

* * *

Next, the dissection.

His first mistake was requesting an email back before telling me what he actually wanted. That's not necessary. Just put your request in the first one. If that feels rude, open it with something else.

"Hey Luna, how are you doing? I wanted to request a custom for you. Do you do customs?" Would've been acceptable. Or "Hey Luna, how are you doing? I had a video suggestion for you. Could you please do one in which you're lying on your back, facing the camera, using a large dildo in your pussy? Thanks!"

The second mistake was calling it a suggestion when it's a request for a custom. I don't do custom requests. I rarely do videos, and when I do, it's important that I'm doing ones I feel like doing. So I look over the list of previous suggestions and my own brainstorm list, and I pick one that appeals to me. The reason this is important is because I am a terrible actor. So I need to actually be in to what I'm doing when I do it. I need to be excited about what I'm doing. Otherwise, you'll be able to tell that I'm not really enjoying it.

The third mistake was not looking at my video store and searching the keyword "dildo". Maybe he did, and he simply mispelled it. But since he wanted a custom (translation- I want you to do a private for me, but recorded instead of live), I doubt that.

I will not tell you who this was. I hope he's not embarassed or humiliated by this. He's not the only one to do this. He was simply the first one to make these mistakes in a format that was easy for me to copy paste. Usually, these mistakes are made in PM when I'm on camera, and I do not find the MFC archives to be very navigable.

I doubt the sort of people to do this sort of thing will ever read this, but please don't let this scare you off. If you want a specific sort of video, it's simple.

1. Go to my Clips4Sale store. After you verify that you're over 18, you will see the following at the top of the store:

The middle of those white bars says "keyword search". I've tried to be very thorough about putting all the keywords in that should be there. Search for it. If it's there, go ahead and buy it (you can mfc mail me about using tokens to purchase and camredeem to download, instead of going through the Clips4Sale store). If you see something that looks good, but you're unsure if it's what you want, message me explaining what you're looking for and which one you think is the one to buy, and I'll let you know if there's a better option. (Video Question is a good title. Remember the "for LadyLuna" if it's via email and not MFC mail.)

2. If your suggestion is not already a video, and not listed on the suggestions page on this blog, send me a message. Make sure the actual suggestion is in the one that's titled Video Suggestion. Bask in my thanks and admiration for your exquisite mind. If I happen to say that I'm not willing to do whatever your suggestion is, don't feel too bad. I've heard all kinds of weird shit, so it probably wasn't that out-there. I'm just picky.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

I've been doing a lot of thinking about a few different aspects of human psychology. Here's some of those thoughts.

The higher a person's IQ is, the more prone they are to depression. Why?
My theory is this: people with high IQ's look around the world and see the stupidity and selfishness of other people. They see the stupidity and selfishness in themselves. They are less able to believe excuses for these things that other people tell themselves. So they feel that the world is a shit place to live, and that people are shitty, and that it includes themselves.

People are inherently both selfish and giving.
All living organisms evolved from the initial protozoa. If you believe that, as I do, and most scientists do, then you believe that all organisms evolved from a creature whose only concern in life was it's own survival. This makes every living thing out there selfish. We have to be at least slightly selfish. After all, if no one is looking out for our needs, we will die. Who better to look out for your needs than you, yourself? The problem comes when people aren't taught to distinguish between need and want. Then, we say they are being selfish. But really, providing your own needs is also selfish, and it is also good. Selfishness is only bad when it hurts others needlessly, when it denies other people their right to life, liberty, or the pursuit of happiness.

But, like many other warm-blooded creatures, we also evolved to help each other. To cooperate, share our strengths, and build something greater.

Random- have you ever noticed that someone who is incapable of empathy is called "cold-blooded"? Cold blooded creatures don't seem to cooperate as much as warm-blooded creatures do. Oh sure, they'll cooperate with a mate to raise their offspring, but beyond that they don't form communities and pool resources. The cold blooded creatures who do cooperate are much more rare.

Back on topic- so we have evolved to not only provide for our own needs, but also to share our resources with the group. You see that in how, when getting rid of something, even the most selfish person will look to give it to someone else before throwing it out. "I don't want this anymore, do you want it?"

Everyone craves connections to other humans.
Humans are social creatures. We want to connect to another living being. It's why people who live alone get pets. It's why, when you hear about a sociopathic killer, there's always that one person in their life that they would do anything to protect. The difference is in how many people we want to connect with, and how deeply. The more deeply a person tends to connect to others, the fewer people they tend to want to connect with. Thus, people who have a ton of friends tend to be "shallow". They connect with all those people, but they don't have a very deep connection with them.

How we connect also changes. Some of us feel connections by giving gifts. Others by physically touching. Others by saying positive things. Others by doing something for someone else. Still others, simply by being together, doing the same thing. We all do all five of these things to feel connections with others, and feel connections to others who do these things for us. When the connection is strong enough, we call it "love". And most people would agree that a working definition for the emotion of love is that you value the other person's happiness. So, we feel connections to other people when we do things that make that person happy, and when they do things for us which make us happy. Which is why, in English at least, the word love is usually a verb, and sometimes a noun, but almost never an adjective*. The other emotions are adjectives. But not love.

*I say "almost never", because while I can't think of any instance in which love is used as an adjective, I'm not confident that it doesn't exist.

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About Me

I cam under the screen name LadyLuna on MFC, and Lady_Luna on Streamate. I operate a Clips4Sale store. There is more information about all this on my personal blog. In real life, I have a partner who knows what I do. Most of my family and all of my friends know what I do. I do not meet anyone from the internet.