Far to fall

Recently someone asked why I go to see a therapist. I wasn’t sure how to answer that question right away. After thinking about it; it came down to the fact that I don’t think I am worthy. I feel like I am a constant failure.

When I started to think about why this was the case – from the outside looking into my life – it looks near perfect. Happy marriage, four healthy kiddos, a job, a house in a nice neighborhood, and lots of people who care about me. So why would someone like me feel like a failure?

Expectations. Incredibly high expectations.

Today on my run, I observed people walking their dogs, doing crafts in their garages, washing cars, playing basketball, and even doing yard work. It hit me that if I completed any of those tasks on any given day that it wouldn’t be enough. I would have to complete all of them and then some to feel like I had a successful day.

It is sheer craziness. That is why I need to see a therapist – I need to learn how to feel satisfied and comfortable with the tasks that I complete; not judge myself based on the list that was left undone.

In the Brene Brown Course I was taking there was a journal prompt to write about worthiness. In The Gift of Imperfections, she writes “worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites…” She gave a journal prompt that said to write our worthy statements that we say to ourselves. “I will be worthy if/when…”

I easily wrote…

“I will be worthy when I am thin.”

“I will be worthy when I have enough energy to do it all.”

“I will be worthy when I am a published writer.”

“I will be worthy when I have a lot of friends.”

But here is the kicker; Brene said that once we wrote those statements down we had to cross them out and write “I am worthy NOW” next to each one. Weird how freeing it was to cross off each of those statements, to let them go.

We are worthy right now. God created us each as we are – just the exact right amount of enoughness. I am enough. You are enough. We are worthy right now.

Try this little task yourself. You might be surprised and I would love to hear about it.

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11 thoughts on “Far to fall”

I am really enjoying your posts. When I had a therapist years ago, I did a similar exercise about worthiness. Having had cancer gave me a different perspective on life and it helped me to realize the great things I had in my life. Does it mean I’m sunshine and glitter everyday? Ah, no. But I try. Right now, I will be worthy when I have my first cup of coffee.

These days I’m feeling so slow and my energy is not what is usually is. I feel like I get a fraction of the things done that I need to (or want to) and there’s a part of me that wants myself to get it together. But at the same time I have to remind myself there is a REASON I am slow and tired. It takes a lot of energy to grow a person! So I think I need to find more worthiness in that and be a little more patient with myself. This too shall pass, and I need to savor it since this is my last go-round with being pregnant! Another great blog post, btw. Love you!

Michelle, I think we all have those moments (especially the one …”when I am thin”…)…we need to learn to look at us first instead of others – that takes care of the comparing part. I stopped comparing myself to others for the most part (its so healthy) and it makes life so much easier. You are worthy of all the things you have bc you worked hard for them, and you deserve them all! I am not saying you shouldn’t strive and dream up those higher goals (like becoming a writer)…its important to have goals in life! What we should compare ourselves to though, are those people who go through hardship (i.e. JLK, friends who divorce or go through health issues). For me those things put me in RESET mode. I always come back down to the point where the clouds of self doubt and anger or complaint diminish. Those examples make me look at my life from a different angle and all of a sudden make me appreciate things so much more!!! I love your blog, the way your write and observe…keep it up! :O)
XOXO
PS: I agree though on how good it is to go to therapy…taking care of your soul is just as important as taking care of all the other vital parts of your body!!!!

I love your words of encouragement. I have been crying through Libby’s blog for weeks. I can’t even imagine. Life is not fair that is for sure.

I actually compare myself to myself. I want to look the way I uses to look and knowing that I can do it is great but I am a stress eater and that halts my progress or puts me back a ways. Darn carbs!!! I crave them.

About Me

Michelle is a mom of four hence the name a”four”ytale. On this website you will find her thoughts on motherhood, being a spiritual medium and other life lessons she has learned or re-learned a long the way.