I’ve started to watch this TV series called Flash Forward. In it, some weird event happens and all the people on earth lose two minutes and some odd seconds of time in which they see six months into their future. Throughout the series you then see people backtracking from their vision of the future to the present day; some to try to change what happens and others just to find out if what they saw would really happen. This got me thinking about my present situation. I know that my new life is waiting for me but I am anxious and impatient to get it started and have the old one really and unequivocally behind me. I find myself staring off into space most times, imagining what my life would be like six months from now, which is when I project all the pieces to be in their appropriate places. But really, what would I do if I knew exactly what was going to happen then? What if I find out something tragic is about to happen? What if I see that nothing much has changed then and I’d still be in deep shit? Will knowing really help me feel less anxious now? If anything, the past few months have shown me that there is a bigger plan for me out there and all that I have to do is sit tight, roll with the punches, and be confident that something good is coming my way. I know this. Even in my sleep, I know this. But sometimes, when you’re chin-deep in hot water, you do get the feeling that it would be nice to know exactly when you’ll be able to pull yourself out of it.

I love watching House, MD. Of course all the medical jargon go way, way over my head, but I’ve always liked being the spectator amidst people busy dealing with their own drama. If I’ve learned one thing from this show, it’s that things need to get worse for someone to figure out what the heck is going on and find the right solution. There are always two endings, either a death or a new lease on life; granted, it’s the latter more often that not, but the possibility of death is a constant and seems very real in all of the show’s 40 minutes.

So, the only point of this post is that right now, nothing has gone right for me and things have gone progressively wrong in an alarmingly short period of time. I choose to think of this as my House period, the storm before the calm. Universe, you better have a very, very good reason behind this shitstorm I’m facing right now because although I’m still laughing and able to function, inside me the disease continues to spread and rage undetected.

A few days ago, a friend and I were discussing the merits of social networking sites. Actually, he was just asking whether Twitter was really that effective or not. It came down to just who the hell is interested about whether you had breakfast or not? Or how you nicked your thumb while slicing vegetables for your salad dinner. It made me think of this episode in Criminal Minds where the serial killer “hunted” on sites like Facebook. Because some women love to overshare and tend to post minute-by-minute status updates, this guy was able to track down and stalk in real life the women he eventually killed. As someone who’s a bit of a hermit, the net has been a godsend. I can keep in touch with friends while not having to be physically with them. I update my status regularly and am very pleased when people make comments. It makes me believe I’m an active member of society. But on nights like this when normal people are out living it up in the real world, the self-deceit of all this comes crashing down on me like Coyote’s ever present anvil. Maybe in the few minutes a friend chats with you online you feel a sense of community, you feel that someone’s actually keeping you company. But as the hours stretch and that green available dot turns idle orange, you realize that the world and people are out there leaving you behind and alone.