The war is coming to an end...

I'd rather not go into all my details but my friends on here know my past. Well the present seems to want to make my life even worse.

In this war I have won a few battles but this last one is going to be the last. Depression's ally on this one is way to big. A huge bill owed to the gov't for a mistake THEY made has reared it's ugly head. I have received no notice of this but I got told by the owner of my company on Friday that 15% of each paycheck will be taken! I can't afford this, I'm just barely squeaking by as it is. Some idiot at work said sell my car, I said, "STFU!" The amount owed is more than it is worth. Too early to take a loan out on the house I believe. Nothing of monetary value to sell. I can reduce bills somewhat but it's still not enough. And I sure as hell am not getting rid of my dog. At the rate they want me to pay it will take roughly 1.5 years to pay off the debt. I can't do it.

I have to say mother nature gave me the issues I had as baby 'cuz I was meant to die, unfortunately modern medicine kept me alive. And I have had to suffer all along the way. Then she tried again after high school, modern medicine again prevailed at the age of 28, that time I was happy. I thought maybe my life would finally be better. WOW, I was SO wrong.

Yeah, I know, think of others that care about you and how they'll feel. Well I have. How about how I feel? I feel like it's f'ing pointless. Nothing good has come from it and nothing ever will. I don't see a way around it. People at work that know the situation are asking me why I'm so depressed. Come on, put yourself in my shoes. The person that asked me was my boss, he told me recently that it's more than likely probably be just floor manager someday. Not programmer, like I should be because he's scared to have me do the first run on the machines because of my seizures. In a way I can understand but I'll even sign a waiver or something putting them at no fault if something happens. It's been 3.5 years since I've had one and this brain has way more capability than being a machine operator or floor manager.

Damn solicitors! Like I have any money to give you right now! Should have let my dog chase him away.

Soooo, I think it's just time to end the war. See how they like that. Can't get any money from a dead man in debt! :diablo:

I agree with 'pickwith'' about your life being worth more than the money
I understand money issues are tough and I can hear you are feeling overwhelmed, but don't let the govt kill you..they are in no way worth your life

try to just think about this money problem first and when that's 'out of the way' then rethink the job situation

Is it possible to ask the government to extend the payments therefore making them smaller each time?
if you arent able to 'live' on what pay you will have left after they garnish it surely they will have to reassess it
this might give you more time to find another solution as well

I know you won't want to, but can your family help you out?
i know your Mum would want to if she could...

you have fought so many battles and won Ben....don't give up now
get angry with the govt but don't take it out on yourself

there are solutions to these sorts of problems but there is no solution to suicide
you are still here for a reason...you have fought and won all these other battles for a reason.

I read you were happy and I believe you can be again...
just stay in there fighting ok :arms:

Don't let the almighty dollar win. Your life is worth more than 15% of your pay.

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When you look at that one part of my situation, yeah, it seems small. Add on chronic migraines, severe depression, finding out my job has very little future in this f'ed up economy and then this. I already owe on bills I can't afford to pay and they want to take 15% of my weekly pay away for the next year and a half?

''Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you got to get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean! Cause if you lose your head and you give up, then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is.''

I agree with 'pickwith'' about your life being worth more than the money
I understand money issues are tough and I can hear you are feeling overwhelmed, but don't let the govt kill you..they are in no way worth your life

Is it possible to ask them to extend the payments therefore making them smaller each time
if you arent able to 'live' on what pay you will have left after they garnish it surely they will have to reassess it
this might give you more time to find another solution as well

I know you won't want to, but can your family help you out?
i know your Mum would want to if she could...

you have fought so many battles and won Ben....don't give up now
get angry with the govt but don't take it out on yourself

there are solutions to these sorts of problems but there is no solution to suicide
you are still here for a reason...you have fought and won all these other battles for a reason

I read you were happy and I believe you can be again...
just stay in there fighting ok :arms:

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Ha! Figured you'd get in on this at some time. :hiya:

Asked the lady I spoke to on the phone, nothing lower than 15%. And they have no compassion, millions of Americans live in debt, what's the matter with adding just another person to the pile. It just really irks me to see all the people living off the system and the people that go to work everyday and pay their taxes are the ones they go after.

My Mom and I will go to the local office soon and see somebody because she remembers the situation better than I do. This was prior to my brain surgery, pretty obvious to me now it's something I have very little memory of. Yes, Mom will try to help but I can't ask for this amount of dinero. As far as the rest of my family, well I do believe I'm pretty much just a distant relative. Nobody cares anymore. They would probably only be interested in my death if they found out I won the lottery and they had a chance at inheritance. Good luck with that!

Yes, maybe there is a solution to this problem but my death puts an end to every problem I have. Selfish, huh?

''Now remember, when things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you got to get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean! Cause if you lose your head and you give up, then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is.''

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I always wondered if somebody was ever going to do something like that. :lol!: Even the almighty Clint Eastwood isn't giving me inspiration on this one.

I'm listening to my favorite music extra loud right now and spend more time doing my new hobby because I do not think about anything while I'm doing that.

I have about a week and a half before this battle begins, then when all the bills start piling up is when it will really get to me. Then it's really gonna hit me hard.

It just really irks me to see all the people living off the system and the people that go to work everyday and pay their taxes are the ones they go after.

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you're so right Ben..it's the same here!

:hiya: yeah I couldn't keep my big nose (it really is big in RL) out of it

ah but did you notice I didn't mention staying around for others? for your Mothers sake?

I'm so glad she's helping you ..for what mother would want her son to take his life!

it's good that she has the facts about what happened to you before your op
I will be wishing that together you can find a solution to this money thing
keep us informed how you go with the meeting and good luck with it!

with all you have on your plate I wouldn't call you selfish...you just want the pain to stop and the struggles to end
I get that...been there so many times!

it's ok to have those 'thoughts' but just don't act on them ok

it's shame we don't know how many people care about us until we're gone and it's too late for us to know
I wish the human race were more kind and compassionate to each other

A little worse than yesterday. The bosses look at me and I get paranoid. It's probably nothing, just glancing over but a huge anxiety issue. This is the same type of thing that made me miss those 2 days that one week. Just another reason I want it all to end.

My job is boring, I could probably teach a young high school student to run that machine, measure those parts and keep the thing running. So I have nothing but time to think about how things are now, dwell on the past (I know, I shouldn't), and I see nothing to look forward to. Jim was probably best off not telling me I would only be a floor manager. He might as well just have told me the contract I signed for the next 30 years, paying $175,000 was a complete waste. Could have stayed down in the area I've always called home, been closer to my Mom and my friends. Yeah, the chance of owning a house down there would probably never been a possibility but at least I wouldn't be stuck up here in this f'ed up situation... again.

probably wasn't the right time to tell you about the job ..I agree, but maybe better you know in the long run?..
maybe you can tackle that when you've sorted the money issues out
I think you deserve credit for getting a job and a house and perhaps you're too hard on yourself (as we tend to do)

don't give up ...another battle but one you can hopefully win this time as well :hiya:

So I got the info in the mail, all it shows is the bill. Pointless. So I try calling the local office yesterday after seeing my therapist, they close at 3:30, it was 3:45. :bash:

So today I called at lunch time and the rep. said I received the money in 2009. Umm, no, I had nothing in 2009. So I said maybe fraud or something and he told me that's impossible. I'm sorry, scamming money from the SSA is definitely possible. That really, really, really, really annoyed me. :furious:

So now I will get all my info together, bring my mom (much better memory than I) and visit the local office. If that doesn't remedy it, then I guess an attorney gets involved, the owner of my company knows a lot of them. :evil:

So forms have been filled in and returned, the wage garnishment will stop until a decision is made. According to the person I talked to it will take 1-2 to get the decision. Going by the forms I filled out it's pretty obvious I can't afford to lose the money they are taking from my paycheck.

It still doesn't answer why they think they gave me more money than they should have.

:stars: :yay:..way to go Ben!!!
keeping my fingers crossed they will see the error of their ways and cancel the whole garnishee thing!
you're one step closer to overcoming this problem..well done for finding the courage to fight another battle! :hiya:

It looks like they think $500/month is enough to survive, I'm pretty sure getting them to stop the wage garnishment will be denied. How they expect someone to eat, put gas in my car (minimum $50 per week), pay for prescriptions and see my doctor on $500 per month is beyond me. Oh, guess I need to have food too. And they don't think internet service is a important enough so they took that out the equation. Same as cable.

And people ask me why I'm depressed, every time life seems to be getting better something like this happens. I'm tired of it. Tired of this life. One line from a song that keeps coming to mind, "I wish I'd never been born."

I can't do it today, my Mom is visiting but I don't see myself lasting much longer. I hate this life and I want out. I don't have the energy nor am I idiotic enough to fight a war I can not win. :thatsit:

Ben :hug: i so feel for you
is it possible to get a letter from you doctor, and therapist to give to these people?
can you appeal?
I know it's all more stress but you're worth the fight.
I hope your Mum has some ideas ,,please keep reaching out ..
don't let those *^&%$#@ beat you..:console:

Ben :hug: i so feel for you
is it possible to get a letter from you doctor, and therapist to give to these people?
can you appeal?
I know it's all more stress but you're worth the fight.
I hope your Mum has some ideas ,,please keep reaching out ..
don't let those *^&%$#@ beat you..:console:

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Thank you IV. :flowers:

If the decision doesn't go my way I'll definitely look into getting a lawyer, then the only problem is money. Attorneys are f'ing expensive.

I know my Mom will help but short of paying it off, the stress and every other emotion coming from this situation won't go away.