ABANDONED SUMMER CAMP FOR SALE.

Just the other day an opportunity far too good to pass up presented itself on my desk.

AN ABANDONED GIRL SCOUT CAMP IS BEING AUCTIONED OFF!

That’s right, your summer camp dreams (or nightmares) might be coming to life in 2018 as long as Uncle TNUC can scrounge together enough money to purchase this beautiful and terrifying property. (I’ll need more investors so please speak up in the comments section if you can help make this a reality!)

Nestled in the middle of nowhere sits this 282-acre former Girl Scouts camp in Loudonville, Ohio which includes several cabins, pavilions and a pool as reported by Dailymail.co.uk.

It was an active Girl Scouts camp until 2002, and housed up to 140 campers in its heyday. Its current owner has used the property has a hunting and nature lodge.

Now imagine the possibilities…

All heavy business happens at Camp Counselor Uncle T’s private lodge! Hot-wet-long-butt contests every Friday night at 9pm SHARP. During opening ceremony we’re hosting a very special Don Dokken intimate acoustic set around the campfire at midnight. Be there or we’ll unleash Manimal from his cage to hunt you down in the woods!

This dirty shed is the perfect living quarters for our deformed Camp TNUC janitor, “Sludge”.

We don’t call it a mess hall for nothing. In fact we take the term very seriously. Once that dinner bell rings, report to the mess hall which quickly turns into a full-fledged food fight, even sloppier than the restaurant scene from Problem Child 2. This place literally becomes a battlefield of flying pizza, hot dogs, sloppy joes, spaghetti, mustard, cream pies, generic red punch and miscellaneous gross-out monstrosities.

Campers are also encouraged to partake in our nightly Goosebumps book swap, nudie magazine trading, VHS discussions and the midnight roasting of pervert cook Artie who was caught fondling a box of tomatoes in the kitchen pantry with his pants down.

The many ponds around Camp TNUC contain no shortage of wildlife, canoes, homemade rafts, foam noodles, severed heads, hacked off limbs and other unrecognizable body parts floating up from the murky depths.

Bring your Zinka sunblock because the heat is on at our campground pool. While that photo might not be too convincing, just wait until mid-July hits and this place turns into a shade-tipping, eyebrow-raising, scantily-clad daydream come to life!

♦ ♦ ♦

If Uncle T manages to capitalize on this abandoned camp next year, what sort of accommodations and activities would YOU like to see? Voice your ideas in the comments section.

“separate parcels? That’s what they want us to believe!
It’s a commonly used scheme to cover darker activities: imho each one of those “owners” is just a puppet buying this sacred land, waiting for their true master to finaly appears.

If there was a way for TNUC’s Disciples to come together and purchase a sacred camp like this, this would be HUGE for the TNUC Lair! The possibilities are endless and you already outlined most of them. An adult summer camp where all of our dreams and fantasies of wet-long-butt’s, the Blob, 80’s metal, mess hall food fights, endless booze and Quaalude’s, and a deformed creature stalking the camp ground at night. If only…