Date: Tue, 6 Dec 2005 22:47:01 -0800 (PST)
From: Lusty
Subject: The Science of Us-Part 7. Going Crazy
I thought my heart would stop when my head finally
accepted that John was not coming to class. He left lunch
with Kyle and now he wasn't in class. They were just
supposed to go to Kyle's locker to look at his math book. I
knew that only took ten minutes, max. I pictured John and
Kyle together. I saw them walking down the hallway talking
and laughing. Then they started holding hands. They
disappeared in to a janitor's closet. I had to shake my head
to push the image out. I almost wanted to cry. The bad part
was that I wasn't sure which bothered me more, losing John,
or losing Kyle. Then my thoughts reminded me that I didn't
actually have either one of them. I hated being in class.
This classroom was preventing me from finding out what was
really going on with John and Kyle. I knew I was crazy to
even fantasize that they were hooking up. It wasn't a
possibility, but my imagination had a mind of its own.
John would never skip a class. He's the type of person
that has had perfect attendance since birth. Hell, he
probably was born on his mother's due date. I could see him
pushing his way out of her womb right on time. He could be
anal about punctuality sometimes, but I loved him anyway. In
fact, part of me loved his promptness. Some people come
close to perfection, John achieved it. John was perfect.
Well at least he was until today. He was beginning to show
traits of imperfection. He exaggerated about Nick earlier
today, and he did it for no good reason. I wondered if we
were finally bringing him down to our level. Now, he had
gone AWOL from class. Something was very wrong.
I smiled as my overactive imagination pictured another
scene in which John was jealous that I was talking to Nick
and Kyle. John wanted to have me all to himself and he felt
threatened by them. John confessed his love to me and then
he picked me up and carried me to his car. This vision was
so delicious that it instantly brought a smile to my face. I
knew it would never happen, but the thought amused me
anyway.
I left class feeling a little depressed. I couldn't
wait to get to my next class to see if Kyle was there. I had
to remind myself there was no running in the hallways. I
walked in to my next class and the first person I saw was
Kyle. He was sitting in Laurie's seat again. He was looking
at me as I entered the room. I was forced to keep my eyes on
him. I bumped in to a desk as I walked up my row, but I just
pushed it to the side and kept walking. Kyle was doing
something to me with his eyes. I wondered if those eyes of
his had done something to John, too. I sat down in my seat
and asked the million dollar question, "So what happened to
you guys?"
"Nothing." He responded rather quickly.
"That's strange."
"Why?"
"John didn't come to class and I assumed he was still
with you."
"Oh, that? Yeah, he was with me." Kyle must have
noticed the color disappearing from my skin because he
added, "We were talking."
"Talking? John Charleston skipped class so he could
talk to you?" I knew I had an incredulous tone in my voice,
but I couldn't help it. I was afraid of where this
conversation was leading. "So, what did you guys talk
about?"
"Nothing."
"Really? John skipped class to talk about nothing with
you?" "Yes."
"And you don't see anything wrong with this picture?"
"No."
He was really starting to annoy me, even with that cute
smile plastered on his face. "John would never do that!"
"Maybe you don't know John as well as you think you
do." He said it like he knew something. I was about to open
my mouth and try to find out what he was eluding to, but I
was too late.
Laurie walked in and started yelling at Kyle about her
seat. I didn't have the time to listen to Laurie, so I
decided to shut her up, "Laurie, just leave it alone. He can
sit there if that's what he wants."
Laurie's head spun in my direction so fast that I
feared she might have been possessed, "What is Kyle your
little boyfriend or something?"
Before I could answer, Kyle said, "Or something." He
flashed his smile, caged by his luscious lips, and I wanted
to lean over and kiss him, but I didn't. I wondered where
the urge to kiss him came from. It must have been those eyes
of his.
Laurie looked at Kyle and then she looked at me. Then
she looked back at Kyle and silently sat down in the seat in
front of him. I loved the way he dealt with her. If I wasn't
so upset with him, I probably would have given him a high
five. I opened my mouth to say something to Kyle, and the
teacher walked in and started quieting everyone down. Kyle
was staring at the teacher, so I hit him on the arm. When he
looked over I told him, "Don't think we're finished here." I
knew I had a nasty tone, but I didn't expect the look of
fear that crossed Kyle's face. My heart sank. I felt so bad
for being mean to him, but he needed to know that I wasn't
going to drop it. You can't skip class with John and then be
cryptic about what you were doing with him. It's just not
the way things work.
The class was awful, as usual, but now there was an
entirely new level of awfulness thrown in to the mix. There
was tension between us. I knew it wasn't my fault; it was
his fault; it was John's fault, but never my fault. Kyle and
John wouldn't be talking to each other if it wasn't for me.
How dare they try to keep a secret from me! About halfway
through class, I realized that I was being stupid. What they
talked about was none of my business, but I knew it had to
be something big for John to skip class just to continue the
conversation. I decided I would ask Drew. John and Drew were
joined at the hip, so whatever it was, Drew would know about
it soon. I tried to think about the possibilities, but I was
drawing a blank. There was only one thing I was certain of:
John was too perfect to have something to hide. I assumed
Kyle was the one doing the revealing and John was simply a
supportive ear.
I spent the rest of class trying to think of ways to put
Kyle at ease. He didn't know I was jealous of his
conversation with John and there was no need for him to find
out. I wanted to play it cool around him because I enjoyed
his presence. I had my first real conversation with him
yesterday, yet there I was,
frightened by the mere thought of not talking to him again.
Class ended and Kyle was slow to stand up. His eyes
were burning a hole in to his notebook. He must have been
waiting for me to say something. I cleared my throat and his
head slowly turned in my direction. "I'm sorry Kyle."
His head snapped up and he starred directly in to my
eyes. I sat there for a moment, trapped in his eyes. Some
early birds for the next class started entering the room. I
broke our connection. I stood up and grabbed my things. I
nodded towards the door, and Kyle immediately understood.
There wasn't enough time to have the conversation we needed
to have. I didn't even have time to make a pit stop at my
locker. When we reached the hall, I heard Kyle say, "Can we
talk about this later? I really don't want to be late for
class, and this is not a two minute conversation, or
apology, as it is in your case." He gave me a nudge with his
elbow and a smile.
"Yeah, you're right." I said as we started walking down
the hallway. "Let me take you to dinner after practice
tonight." Kyle stopped walking and just froze. "Relax, it's
not a date or anything. I just want to formally apologize,
and nothing says `I'm sorry' like footing the bill."
Kyle began to walk again. "Well, A: nothing says `I'm
sorry' like flowers and candy, roses and chocolates, and B:
would it be so bad if it was a date?" I was the one to stop
this time. Kyle kept walking. He turned around and said, "I
eat like a fucking pig, so bring lots of cash." He gave me
his trademark grin and followed some kid in to one of the
classrooms on the left.
My feet were glued to that spot on the floor. My face
had to be pale because I could feel the blood rushing
towards my heart. My lungs begged for oxygen, and for a
brief second, I forgot that I could control my breathing. My
brain was in overdrive trying to process all of my questions
and thoughts. What the hell was Kyle talking about? Did he
want to date me? Was he gay? Is that what he talked about
with John? How would they get on a subject like that? Were
they talking about me? Maybe John was counseling him. Maybe
I should go to class and think about it later. Why is Kyle
in my head? Why are my emotions so haywire today? Is it the
jealousy? Am I insecure? Am I scared? Of what? Of whom?
I felt a hand tap my arm. "Are you okay?" I looked down
and there was a girl from my class.
It took a moment to remind myself that I could speak.
"I'm fine."
"You don't look so good. Why are you standing here
staring off in to space when the bell is going to ring at
any second?"
"Why the hell do you care?" I couldn't believe I had just
said that to her. I knew she was trying to be nice.
The look of compassion on her face disappeared and she
responded, "Well excuse me for breathing!" She took off in a
huff in the direction of our class.
I wondered what was wrong with me. I was being such an
ass. I needed to be alone so I could clear my head. I stood
there thinking of places where I could go. About two seconds
later, the bell went off and I realized I was standing in a
hallway void of students. I heard footsteps coming from
behind me. I turned around to see who it was. As soon as he
saw my face he asked,
"Shouldn't you be in class?"
I was already agitated, and then he comes along while I'm
teetering on the edge. I wanted to ask him why he thought
this wasn't my free period. Why did he assume that I should
be in class? I wanted to yell something at him, but I knew
I was wrong and I realized he had given me the answer. Class
always served as a place for quiet reflection once you
droned out the sound of the teacher. I decided to clear my
head in class. "Yes, sir. I'm headed there now. I just got a
little distracted."
"Well get a move on, you're already late."
"Yes sir." I was pleased to find that I still knew how
to walk properly. I walked to my next class thinking, `What
the hell is Kyle Masters doing to me?'
Copyright Lustyville 2005
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