STORYTIME WITH PRINCESS
THis is story about Deedee Cannons, a very special mermaid. She had lost her keys. But these were no ordinary keys. These were very special mermaid keys, and they unlocked something very special.

Deedee Cannons was very sad and very drunk, and very very not good at finding things right now.
In fact her best attempt at finding these keys was to... Read More

Christchurch is the town I grew up in. It had an earthquake 2 years ago and it's still fucked up. Like the CBD still has a logo zone and they are still pulling down buildings that it turns out are fucked because of liquidifaction in the foundations.
(liquidifcation is where a fine silt rises from beneath the ground and buries or unstablizies stuff. There... Read More

STORY TIME WITH PRINCESS!:
There once was a mermaid called MArtha Catapults. She live in a cloud because she was made of hotpink lightning bolts. One fine early autumn day, someone knocked at her cloud door. "Who is that knocking at my door?" she said. "It is I , your merry companion and comrade in mischief , the Churny Burny bird!"
said a voice, who actually was... Read More

I did I class of pole dancing today after weeks of minimal exercise (like weekly half hour work out instead of 6 or 7 hours a week), and now I feel completely fine. HA I joke I feel run over. Run over multiple times with an elephant car. WHich is a good thing, although I still think I'm feeling far more drained than I... Read More

I had no idea that the affinity for Kate Bush was so hormone related. Maybe I should try listening to her when I'm approaching my period. I hate the guys in cars that decide to intimidate you because their in some big machine in motion. I hope one day you will get the satisfaction of seeing them rear end the care in front of them because they were so focused on being assholes to you. I had that one happen about a year ago so I think about that and smile when they are being douchy.

Thanks! If you have any good tips on attracting the boob fairy, let me know.
I would not want to make any empircal claims linking estrogen to Kate Bush.
Had a car load of boys yell some shit, drive off , hit a red light, stop, then realize I was gaining on them (ie slowly walking in the direction I had before) , panic and run the red light.

The nice thing about electrolysis is that they play the Breeze easy listening classic hits at the salon. So you can go "Phew, it's a good thing I'm being simultaneously being stabbed and electrocuted with needles in my face so I have something to take my mind off the Breeze easy listening classic hits radio"

There once was a beautiful gorilla called Stalin . He was so beautiful , the other gorillas made him read a history book, so he could realize his namesake was a complete fuck head. This back fired, for it gave Stalin the idea to climb to the top of the pecking order and have all his rivals stabbed in the heads with... Read More

IT'S CRAP STORY TIME WITH PRINCESS!
todays story is called
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO BORING?

So last day in Melbourne, and I'm biking through a park.
And theres this big ass no neck looming above his huddled lady friend ,
she's demanding he give her her bag back and he's doing that thing where , if you were to write down on paper... Read More