Volte-face

She lived in a shadow, a shadow that has haunted her soul and mind, but never her heart. A full blown grin beamed in the presence of people, and she seems to shrug what could hurt off, appearing strong and unbreakable. Deep inside, that grin was never genuine, she never shrugged off what you told her, the truth is that it is killing her, stabbing every single emotion she could bear inside. She’s a good actress, pretending everything is dandy became one of her prominent daily routines that she could not just do without.

Her eyes were a darker shade of brown that once shone, were beautifully vibrant and full of life and passion. But now? They are lifeless, screaming all the colors of pain, describing in detail how she was utterly suffering, how she was hurt so very deeply. Nobody could see that, and she didn’t blame them, how could they when she concealed everything with her “happy-go-lucky” mask. She really pulled that mask off perfectly that she deserved a massive award and an infinite round of applause. Nobody seemed to notice or care about the shadow that captivated her eyes.

She never had the chance to do what she really loves. She’s a person who composes with language. she scribbles everything and anything that crosses her mind.

It eases the pain she’s holding in. She was always that type of girl who embraced her flaws but got affected by the society’s harsh opinions and unrealistic standards. She enjoyed the simplest things in life. A good book and a warm cup of tea would keep her good company. She busied herself by putting her nose in fictional characters’ business. So, as long as she was lost there, her mind seemed to shut itself automatically from the outside world. A vigorous bibliomaniac is what she is.

She tried to seize an opportunity, a place on the never-ending platform, myriads of times before; only to be greeted by disappointment and failure. She never ceased writing, even when the chances of her dreams coming true came crumbling down beneath her feet.

She used to allow the jabbing arrows of people’s words to get to her before, but now she’s stronger, way more unyielding. She stood up for herself, stepped away from the chaotic world she was once a part of and took hold on the reins of her life. It was impossible at first, but she kept on going, even when the world was screaming at her to stop her “shallow” attempt to change, and try to accept that she won’t be anything more than an average girl, who won’t be any different or unique. She never listened to them. She kept her head held high, a hobby that she has recently learnt that gave her an extra dose of confidence and swept the fears aside.

She believed she could attain her target, that she will be capable of causing a brouhaha if she succeeded. She wanted to help others, but most importantly reach out to her own self, and pull herself up then stick the pieces together because she was incontestable that if she didn’t do such thing, then she wouldn’t budge. She’ll just get caught up in the middle of the traumatic life everybody else seems to be leading. She wouldn’t have shone out or proven herself to the world, and most importantly to herself.

She’s a lady of her own thoughts, so she made it. She’s living her long-awaited dream, she influenced others, and she succeeded.

That’s because she never stopped loving…

loving herself, her dreams, and her precious books.

And she ceased…

She stopped underestimating herself and mourning over her previous failures.

She found her true self and expressed it through her through her self-made expressions which brilliantly stood out. She’s now happy, satisfied.

Oh and if you looked through her once gloomy eyes, you’ll find the long-lost spark, you’ll find hope, you’ll find her, the real her. And guess what? She’s not pretending now, she’s changed.