Expanded definition of family

The influential nature of the family is an undeniable presence
in the lives of humankind. When it comes down to it, people are all
about their kin. As Anthony Brandt worded it, "Other things may
change us, but we start and end with family." There is a reason
that when people either naturally succumb to death in their old age
or their lives are cut short due to illness they seek the
camaraderie of their families. When knocking on death's door, we
don't typically rush into the office to meet that last deadline,
although there is a large amount of people who treat their
occupations as the most sacred thing in their lives. No, when the
end is near, our natural instinct is to strip away the meaningless
matters that either peppered or consumed our lives and focus on the
serenity, identity and genuine love that, ideally, family
offers.

Humans are relational at the core. Novelists, songwriters,
playwrights and poets wouldn't waste their time and talent
producing works conceptualizing love if it was merely an aspect of
humanity existing in our imaginations. Rather, they are right on
target: Love drives us. The most paramount form of love can be
derived from our families, the people that we are predisposed to
love even in the case that we don't always like them. When mankind
operates for too long without sound relationships or minimally warm
human interaction, deep loneliness surely follows. Whether you
accept it or not, everyone wants people to relate to people who we
can be "real" with, people that we can share our lives with.

Psychologist Henry Cloud states, "Bonding is one of the most
basic and foundational ideas in life and the universe. It is a
basic human need … Without a solid, bonded relationship, the human
soul will become mired in psychological and emotional problems. The
soul cannot prosper without being connected to others."

Furthermore, while family fulfills the basic human need for
bonding, it also provides a strong sense of belonging that, unlike
the nature of other relationships, entertains no replacements or
layoffs. No matter how hurtful the fight or how harsh the words
exchanged, renouncing your own flesh and blood — or the people who
have become like so — is like giving up the heart and soul of life.
Whereas a bitter fight with a friend may lead to the demise of the
relationships, family forgives. Your family, though you may not see
eye to eye on all or even on most issues, is your source of
identity and, inevitability, your means of constructing your most
rudimentary worldview. Through your direct and indirect lessons on
morals and ethics, your family culminates a common spirit of proper
conduction and belief systems. That is to say, family cultivates
you in such a way that underlying personalities and clashing
attributes is a solid foundation of binding experiences that
nurture a common outlook. This truth is what renders family
relationships so spirited, so honest and so undaunted by insults:
No matter how painstakingly blunt you are with your kin, your deep
ties permit and even encourage such conduct. Since your family is
your identity, you challenge and hold it responsible in order to
prompt its progression, evolution and prevent its stagnation. Since
there is no fear of being rejected and abandoned, there is no
tiptoeing around disputes in a close-knit family; rather, there is
the determination to shield your identity from decay and encourage
its vitality. To belong to an entity bigger than yourself, one that
you never had to meet qualifications for, is a gift to be cherished
and protected.

Hand in hand with every generalization is its anomalies, of
course. For many, the pretty picture of a family that offers
tranquility and guidance is just that: a picturesque ideal that
resides far from reality. Contrarily, family may be the source of
heartache, abuse or neglect. Your family very well may be a
formidable collection of people that evoke bitter feelings and
teary nights. For these unfortunate people, the challenge is to
break away from the institutions that habitually drag their
miserable sprits further down the bottomless pit, to free
themselves from the bondage of an awkward family and establish
healthy ties elsewhere.

With that being said, your family does not necessarily have to
consist of the people with whom you share blood relations. Whether
your family is the inauspicious type previously mentioned or your
family is just wonderful, bonds can be made between people that
bind them so tightly together as to make them family in a loose
translation of the word. This is perhaps a more freeing alternative
for many; rather than being "stuck" with a group of people who
don't understand you, you can choose the people who support,
encourage and motivate you to consider family. Even if your blood
relatives are an epitome of aliment, there is no harm in expanding
your definition of family to encompass those who you have learned
to love like your own blood.

At the end of the day, your family is the people that encourage,
challenge and protect you; whether or not you share a blood
connection is not the heart of the matter. For students, breaks
from school are not happy only because of the freedom from studies
that they guarantee, but because of the time they make available
for us to spend with the people who are central to our lives. For
those who are employed, their motivation to work tirelessly day in
and day out is often family. For the sick, the focus of their
strength and attention is family, because when life is drawing to a
humbling close, the most prominent aspect of it emerges as the
greatest.

Jenna Greenfield is a School of Arts and Sciences sophomore. Her
column, "Triumphs and Woes," runs on alternative Wednesdays.