Alright, fine, let’s talk about these Emmy nominations.

Welcome to my (kinda) annual rant at the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences for picking some, but not all, of the shows that I think should be recognized for their excellence in the year previous. I haven’t posted this in the past couple of years because 1. who cares, really? and 2. it feels like screaming into the void. But at special request, I’ve decided to give it a go again because, hey, why the hell not.

A note: this is not by any means the complete list of nominees. For my own sanity, I’ve opted to not include categories like Directing and Writing, or into the weeds categories like Choreography or Casting because come the fuck on.

Look. All six of these series are “good” shows and I’m not angry at any one in particular for receiving a nomination. A network hit like This Is Us is an obvious shoo-in — I imagine after the first time the network watched the pilot, they just got up and dusted off a spot for the Emmy. Better Call Saul is one of the most — if not the most — interesting character dramas on air right now. And then there are Westworld, The Handmaid’s Tale and Stranger Things, all terrific examples of how interesting and daring television has become in recent years.

But then we get to my two problem series, House of Cards and The Crown. The bottom line is that while they are both really good series, I don’t think either should be on this list of nominees when The Leftovers, Legion, The Americans, Homeland or American Gods were left off of it.

In fact, let’s play a quick game. One of the things to note about this year is that Game of Thrones didn’t qualify for an Emmy nomination because this season didn’t debut during the window of eligibility. But if it had qualified, which of these series do you think would not have made the cut? My guess: The Crown.

Because the bottom line is that while House of Cards and The Crown are competent, grown-up shows, they are also perfectly safe. Too safe. They didn’t push boundaries, they didn’t present anything new, they didn’t tell their stories in challenging and novel ways that resonated on a deep, emotional level. They were fine! But in this television landscape, fine and competent aren’t enough anymore.

In the end, it’s a moot point because This is Us is going to emotionally manipulate itself all the way to the win.

As if The Leftovers being left off of Best Drama wasn’t insult enough, now you’re going to go and leave out Carrie Coon for her breathtaking performance as a woman who has lost everything and is willing to do anything to get it back? Everyone on this list is terrific, but you’ll never convince me that Evan Rachel Wood as a dead-eyed robot gave a better performance than Carrie Coon, just stop.

Liev Schreiber? But no Justin Theroux? Are you drunk, Emmy voters? And what about Rami Malek for Mr. Robot? Or Billy Bob Thornton who elevated Goliath into something much more fun than the writing would otherwise have suggested?

Who Will Win: The This Is Us vote will probably split, and my best guess is that Matthew Rhys or Anthony Hopkins will win. If the This Is Us vote doesn’t split, Sterling K. Brown takes it.

Before I begin, let me note that all of the nominees are terrific and this is more of a problem of too much talent and not enough slots.

But I’m sorry, where is Michael McKean for Better Call Saul? Where is Ian McShane or Orlando Jones for American Gods? Or if you’re so eager to nominate a Schreiber, what about Pablo for American Gods? Where is Christian Slater on Mr. Robot? Rupert Friend for Homeland? Or … and this is more controversial … but what about Jeffrey Dean Morgan for his surprisingly nuanced performance on The Walking Dead? And not that it needs any more Emmy love, but what about Chris Sullivan as Toby on This Is Us?

Carly Chaikin was the lynchpin of — and very best thing on — this season of Mr. Robot and deserved a spot on this list, as did Maura Tierney for her performance this season on The Affair. Also deserving for a little recognition: Emily Browning and Gillian Anderson for American Gods. That said, I don’t know who I would take off of this list to make room for the two of them. With all of the terrific television out there right now, maybe it’s time to expand the number of nominees to 10.

This is one of those impossible categories, in that it’s difficult to remember every small performance on every show and pick out a few that were snubbed. Maybe Orlando Jones in American Gods, or is that a “Supporting Actor” role? Unclear. So I am going to stick with the nominees at hand and say that I am genuinely torn between Gerald McRaney and Brian Tyree Henry for their moving performances on This Is Us. That said, I give the advantage to Henry, mostly because of this soul-shaking performance:

Hey, Barb got a nod for Stranger Things, and we have our first — and shamefully only — nomination for The Leftovers, so that’s something. But I would like to point out that Cloris Leachman, Kristin Chenoweth and Betty Gilpin were all terrific on American Gods in what I assume are considered “Guest Actress” level appearances.

Where are Rob Delaney or Billy Eichner or Thomas Middleditch? And while Macy and Tambor are both brilliant, I would argue that Shameless and Transparent are more drama than comedy (even though I just included both of them in my Best Comedy rant above — my point being that if we’re going to count them as comedies, they are BETTER THAN MODERN FAMILY).

That out of the way, what I will say is that I fully expect Donald Glover to win this Emmy for what is unquestionably the best comedy on television this past year. But! This is not the Emmy that show deserves. While Atlanta is entirely Glover’s baby and his performance is very good, he is so overshadowed by his cast mates Brian Tyree Henry and Lakeith Stanfield — NEITHER OF WHOM WERE NOMINATED FOR SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY, BUT WE’LL GET TO THAT IN A MOMENT — that it doesn’t feel exactly like the best comedy performance out there. I worry, though, that they are going to give Glover this Emmy as a consolation prize after they give Best Comedy to Veep again. And I love Veep! I’m pretty sure Veep is the funniest show on television! But Atlanta was special and exciting and maybe the best comedy on television.

Meanwhile, Galifianakis is giving the dual performance of a lifetime over on Baskets and no one seems to be paying much attention.

Two nominations for Grace and Frankie; zero for Catastrophe, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Speechless, Fresh Off the Boat, Insecure, Girls, Jane the Virgin, The Good Place or for the best comedic performance of the year, for Fleabag? I CAN NOT WITH ANY OF THIS.

STOP IT WITH THE MODERN FAMILY NOMINATIONS. STOP IT. Ty Burrell is taking a spot that should have gone to Brian Tyree Henry or Lakeith Stanfield or Ted Danson or William Jackson Harper or Vincent Rodriguez III or Timothy Simons or Martin Starr or Kumail Nanjiani or Walton Goggins. STOP TAKING UP SPOTS THAT DON’T BELONG TO YOU, MODERN FAMILY.

Look, I’m happy that the ladies of Saturday Night Live are receiving attention — I genuinely believe that must be one of the hardest jobs in show business. I just don’t know that we needed to give half of the spots to SNL ladies, and a third of the spots to Transparent — a show that I am still not convinced is a comedy. This leaves no room for any of the performances on Girls, for Kimberly Hébert Gregory on Vice Principals, for the genius Donna Lynne Champlin on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, for Siann Clifford or Olivia Colman — OLIVIA COLMAN! — in Fleabag.

I like Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks was in one of the best SNL sketches of the season (“Black Jeopardy” where he plays a Trump supporter and he and the Black contestants realize they have more in common than they thought). But Aziz Ansari’s hosting gig was like Dave Chappelle’s (who was deservedly nominated), in that it came at an emotional moment in American history — at the inauguration of Donald Trump — and that he, like Chappelle, gave America the cathartic release that it needed. What I’m saying is that four — FOUR! — of the nominees are SNL hosts, and one of them should have been Ansari.

Let’s talk Melissa McCarthy. McCarthy was easily one of the best things about this season of Saturday Night Live, but we have to be honest — the episode that she hosted wasn’t her best appearance. So basically they are going to give her the Emmy technically for her hosting gig, even though what they really mean is that they want to give her the Emmy for her surprise guest appearances as Sean Spicer. And you know what? Fine. Whatever.

The kid is up against some of the biggest stars in the business, but Riz Ahmed gave a heartbreaking performance in The Night Of, HBO’s quiet crime miniseries. I worry that his vote will be split with his co-star, John Turturro, but he genuinely deserves the Emmy here. As for actors who were snubbed, I can’t think of any off the top of my head. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Who Will Win: If The Night Of vote is split, it will probably De Niro or McGregor; if it’s not, it will go to John Turturro.

The “Limited Series” category is so small that there are not many performances to choose from. If I had to add someone to this list, I might give a little love to Michael Stuhlbarg for his performance as Sy Feltz on Fargo. But considering David Thewlis deserves all of the prizes for that same show, I’m not going to complain.

~raises hand~ Um, excuse me, where is Mary Elizabeth Winstead for her terrific performance as Nikki Swango on Fargo?

Who Will Win: Laura Dern

Who Should Win: Regina King because Regina King should always win all of the prizes always.

Variety Talk Series
“Full Frontal With Samantha Bee” (TBS)
“Jimmy Kimmel Live!” (ABC)
“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” (HBO)
“The Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS)
“Real Time With Bill Maher” (HBO)
“The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS)

Yay for including Full Frontal with Samantha Bee! Boo for excluding Late Night with Seth Meyers! Look, I hate-watch Real Time with Bill Maher, and sometimes his bitter brand of nihilism hits the right spot, especially in the midst of this nightmare of an administration, but Seth Meyers is doing intelligent, well-crafted, and FUNNY deep dives into important political stories, the likes of which we only usually see on cable networks. He deserved Maher’s spot.

I suppose I should just be happy that The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon didn’t get nominated.

These choices are fine, and in some cases downright delightful: Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg, amirite?. The only person I would add would be Cat Deeley for So You Think You Can Dance: The Next Generation, because she’s Cat Deeley and she’s wonderful. There’s been a lot of hand-wringing that Tom Bergeron and Dancing with the Stars didn’t receive any nods, but, honestly, who cares.

Who Will Win: Hopefully RuPaul will win it again, but if not, watch for Alec Baldwin.

Wait, WAIT. Black Mirror, which I would have classified as an anthology or limited series, are individual TV MOVIES? SINCE WHEN? And also, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. If each episode of Black Mirror is a TV movie, then this category should be filled with Black Mirror episodes. “San Junipero” definitely deserves a spot, but so does “Nosedive” and the single most upsettingly relevant episode of the season, “Men Against Fire.”

I approve of all of these choices, and while I would love to see Billy on the Street or Documentary Now! win, there’s NO WAY anyone is going to beat Saturday Night Live this year. NO CHANCE.

Who Will Win:Saturday Night Live

Who Should Win:Billy on the Street

As for all of the other categories, just imagine me being outraged and screaming “THE LEFTOVERS!” or “FLEABAG!” or “BRIAN TYREE HENRY!” until I’m blue in the face. As for who will win, we have to wait until Sunday, September 17th to find out. Until then, let’s argue about who was the most snubbed. Which of your favorites was left out this year?

Mercy.
Thank you, Therese, for watching so much TV – so much good TV – that when we ask, “What shall I catch up on,” you’ve given us plenty of choices. Before I rant, I want to underline an overlooked show you mentioned.
All right. This is my If-you-read-nothing-else-of-this-reply-read-this paragraph. Last fall I decided I was too busy to watch a little comedy that was getting very good notices; after each of its 13 episodes the hosannas just got louder. How could I skip this; what was I thinking? So this spring I wondered, is there any chance I can catch up on this show for free? And lo, other than having to watch a few embedded commercials, I got my wish. Friends: Go to your favorite search engine and type ‘watch good place episodes’. Click on the NBC link and binge your way to bliss! (Or take your time. But watch!)
And now back to a gripe and a regret or two.
Also last fall, I watched a dramatic show that featured a towering lead performance and thought, This is just the sort of thing the Emmys will miss. I felt sure of it, and to prepare for the Emmy nominations I did special exercises to heighten my dudgeon. AND I WAS RIGHT! The star of Texas’s favorite Netflix show (and Nevada’s and New Jersey’s) was overlooked, and (spoiler) I doubt Wagner Moura will be returning as the ghost of Pablo Escobar in Narcos Season 3. (Besides, the ghost / flashback awards all go to Ben Mendelsohn.) Narcos is not top-of-the-line but a solid show nevertheless.
A small regret: It would have been nice to see a Drama Supporting Actress nomination go to J. Smith-Cameron for Rectify. This is a Sundance show, now streaming on Netflix, that ran 30 episodes over 4 seasons. The plot, simply stated: After serving 19 years on Death Row, a man is released from prison, based on DNA evidence that doesn’t quite exonerate him, and returns to the small Georgia town where he grew up. (Smith-Cameron plays his mother.) It’s thoughtful, humane, and mostly quiet. I have to give Therese full credit for tipping me off to this wonderful show.
Now, as to The Crown: I would drop House of Cards or Stranger Things from the drama series nominees before I would trim The Crown. On a good day I am indifferent to British royalty; it took some doing for this show to hold my interest, given the subject matter. The cast is great, down to the minor roles (Alex Jennings as the wicked-tongued Duke of Windsor, for instance). My only complaint would be the rather insipid title sequence, which seems to have borrowed from Marvel’s Daredevil – though the theme music is okay.
And speaking of title sequences…. This category is so low in the pecking order that one can’t work up an honest rage, but somehow A Series of Unfortunate Events was left out of the nominations for main title sequence and title music, even though the opening credits are just brilliant. This is another show that people really ought to try, and it’s NOT one of those “It gets better around episode 6” shows – if you like the first episode you’ll like the rest, and if you don’t like the first … well, don’t talk to me about it.
And now to start my outrage list for next year: Those Emmy voters had better not forget about Danielle Brooks….

First: these are all great points. Second: “Unfortunate Events” is SO GOOD, and deserved some love somewhere. Third: I woke up this morning thinking about two comedies that I managed to forget to include in my little rant against “Modern Family”: “People of Earth” and “Search Party.” I don’t know that they actually deserved an Emmy nod, but they were both better comedies than “Modern Family.”
It almost seems petty to be complaining when there is so much great television out there, but that’s also kinda the point. There’s so much great television out there — it’s infuriating to see great shows be overlooked in favor of good ones.
Thanks for your thoughts, Stan!