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Saturday, September 17, 2016

Saturday Morning

The day started early for me today when I woke up just before six this morning, which was sleeping in for me and that's always a good thing. Shortly after I woke up Kyle was up and dressed ready to leave the house. He was off to go play football with his cousin and a few other young men. Lexi was up and ready to work on a few things for school. Before Kyle left Kevin came out of our bedroom in his wheelchair. We all watched as Kyle left the house. After Kyle was gone Lexi, Kevin and I spent the morning sharing stories and talking about all kinds of things until Kyle called telling us he was on his way home and it was well after ten thirty. While we were talking I received a message from Curtis telling me about a few things. (his tooth) It was perfect timing. We talked for about two minutes and I happened to mention that his friend Spencer was home from his mission. Curtis said he already knew because he and Spencer had been emailing back and forth. I couldn't even surprise him with the news Spencer was home. Oh well. It was nice to spend that time together as a family this morning. We haven't had a good long family discussion and talk like this in a long time. It was great! Kyle, of course, spent a little time with us before he hopped in the shower and went to bed. Kyle is going to be super tired when he gets home from work tonight. He only got a few hours of sleep.

Some of the things we talked about this morning was some of the things Kevin wants to do when social security finally kicks in. How he wants to get back to, as he calls it, "where he was before". That was quite a conversation. He still has trouble grasping the fact that he may never walk again. I guess I would to if the tables were turned. It's kind of hard for me. I want so much for my old husband to back, but at the same time I have to live in the reality that it might now happen and then try to help my husband come to that understanding as well. We talked about this not defining who he is. He said he just doesn't want to be treated the way other people treat him, like he is a problem. He doesn't like that others give him special treatment. He keeps mentioning how everyone treated him when our daughter was married and kept going out of their way to accommodate him. He hated it. He said he wants people to treat him the way they did when he was in the hospital and they all expected him to do things for himself and stop babying him. Then at the same time, I think he needs some special treatment once in a while. Sure, I want him to be strong enough and comfortable enough to do things for himself and not worry about what everyone else is thinking. And then there are times I want to shield him and protect him from some things to. It's hard. So, we are taking this in stride and trying to go with the flow and not rock the boat yet.

We also talked about some of the callings Kevin has had. He said he wants to get back to where he was when he was serving in young men's again. I told him he may never be able to get back to that again, but that that did not mean that he still couldn't do the same things he did before, he just may need to find new ways to do things. We talked about getting him another wheelchair that was more fitted to his body. He said he saw a few online. I told him we were going to take him to the doctor and get the one they were trying to make for him just before our car broke down. They were building a custom chair just for Kevin. I want that chair for Kevin, not one he orders online and it might work. I want him to have exactly what is best for him and let him pick wheels, colors, and chair specifics. He deserves that. If he is going to spent a lot of time in something he deserves to be comfortable and it needs to fit him like a glove. This is yet another thing we are waiting for social security to kick in for. I feel like our entire lives have been on hold since last December when we filed. When is this going to happen? Kevin plans to call them on Monday. Hopefully we get some answers. We also talked about that big car accident I mentioned several posts before. I was wrong. They lost four people in that accident. The scout master, two boys from one ward members family, and a non-member boy. Then the father of the two boys that past away also broke his pelvis. Other young men were injured. This all happened in the Cottonwood, Arizona area. Kevin's Mom and Dad were the first on the scene and his father went around and gave every person in that vehicle a blessing. Then members of Cottonwood, Arizona took in all the kids and their families while their loved ones were in a local hospital. Ironically Kevin's father was a counselor in the bishopric and the Bishop was out of town so he and the other counselor took care of everything and what they couldn't handle Kevin's mother, who had just been called as Relief Society President took care of the rest. It was quite amazing.

This morning we talked about that Bishop and his wife and the parents of the two member boys. I was always very impressed that from the moment they met me, just before Kevin left on his mission, both of those women never forgot my name. I found that to be incredible since I was not part of their own families and I didn't spend a lot of time around them. Then when I went with Kevin to visit the Loar's (the parents of the two member young men who passed away in the accident), nearly 30 years from the moment we met, Sister Loar still remembered my first name. She was such an amazing woman! She had polio and used a crutch most of the time to get around. When her husband was in the hospital with a fractured pelvis she prayed to our Heavenly Father to allow her to take some of the pain her husband was experiencing so he would pull through and recover quickly. Well, as it turned out Sister Loar fell and broke her hip and as soon as that happened her husband's fractured pelvis had healed and the pain was nearly gone. She had incredible faith that her Heavenly Father could and would grant her the desires of her heart. She was the mother of I believe seven kids and they all were taught to love the Lord and follow His teachings. They are all incredible people and we love them all. When each of them were little and since she had polio it was hard for her to carry her child in her arms and walk. So she would often crawl and carry those little ones around in a blanket. She found a way to do things. She wasn't going to let her polio keep her from serving her family. I love her example and desire to be independent and raise her family. She found a new way to do things.

This is what I have been trying to tell my husband. He cannot let his injury keep him down and he may need to find new ways to do things. I've tried to explain to Kevin that I know that he has never been the type of person to just sit back and take it. He is a fighter and when people tell him he can't do things he ALWAYS finds a way to prove them wrong. His Mom would call it a James thing. (Her maiden name.) Well, it very well may just be that, a James thing and that is a-okay with me. Whatever it is that makes Kevin dig in a fight I say that is great! I think he is at a place where he is starting to believe the things he has been telling himself. I told him he needs to get out of that bedroom and maybe go out for walks or something. Just something to get a new perspective on things. As we talked this morning I could see that I was striking a nerve and he knew I was right. The one thing I have always known is that Kevin can do anything he sets his mind to do. I have had a front row seat watching him single handedly move mountains in the lives of many young men over the years as he served for over 23 years in the young men's program in various rolls and callings. I have watching him literally drag young men out of the gutter and bring them back and help them realize their own potential and later go on to become awesome men. So I know what he can do. I have also watched him go from not thinking he would ever amount to anything (we actually had that conversation when he found out the family business was folding as he thought about having to take a job for someone other than his family.) as he took his first ever job outside of the family business, right after we got married, and he single handedly turned that into his lifelong career and he excelled at it! He went from being a new employee at Home Depot to becoming a store manager and someone the owner of the company spoke to on a regular basis as they discussed day to day business. Kevin got his attention and he wasn't the type of man to be easily impressed either, but he was with Kevin. Then later when Kevin left Home Depot he became manager of several other businesses and later became Operations Manager at a computer company. That job was something Kevin took after being ill. That job became everything to him. He loved that job and the people he worked for, and then the business was sold. When the business was sold Kevin became their Operations Manager. Kevin worked hard for the new owners just like he did for the previous, but the dynamics in the officer were never the same again and he hated that. He even got promoted and was making $70K as their initial offer with the promise of a six figure salary if he agreed to relocate with the company. He loved working for the previous owner. They treated us all like family. He could literally take a struggling business and turn it into a thriving success! It was amazing to watch. It was only after his first ever back surgery that things began to change for all of us. After Kevin's back surgery we made the hard decision to not make that move. The new owners ran that business lean and while Kevin worked hard to keep it thriving, the owners ran it into the ground and they were credit poor. It was a very literal example of what you would call, robbing Peter to pay Paul. It was a hard decision. I was the one that refused to move. I was the one that put my foot down and tried to remind Kevin what out lives would be like if something were to happen to him and we were away from doctors that we knew and family. I was the one that had to burst my husband's bubble, so to speak, and remind him how bad things looked for the company and it was going to be a complete stretch if the company was going to turn around their credit poor situation. It was not an easy decision and I still hear about that. I was the one that shot down my husband's dreams of making a six figure salary and really making it to, what he called successful. We were also going through a lot of other things as a couple and a family at the time. We had our two older kids in high school just about ready to graduate. Kevin had promised our children to never move our children from a school once they started high school and here we were trying to go back on that word. There were many factors that came into play with that decision to not relocate. But...Kevin bounced back and eventually went to work as an Operations Manager again for yet another company. He never made what he was making for the computer company, but he did well for himself and we were still here in Arizona. Our kids were happy and I was too. At this new company Kevin did the same thing he always does....made the business successful and even got the attention of upper management. He just has a way of doing that every single time. He has a talent and I hope that maybe one day he will get to a place where he can do it again possibly.

In high school he had a math teacher make a deal with him. The teacher never understood how Kevin could never do any of the homework and yet ace every single test...which meant his grade suffered. So, the teacher's deal was that if he would join DECA and help the school's team he would get Kevin a passing grade. Kevin ended up excelling in DECA. He loved it and his math grade significantly improved as well.

So, no one can ever tell me that my husband cannot do anything he sets his mind to, because I have witnessed that our entire married life. He just needs to decide for himself that HE CAN! It's funny to me that Kevin and I seem to be opposites from each other in many ways. For example, when I am struggling with things, Kevin has a way of setting me straight and getting me back on track again. I do the same thing for him. We joke that if we were ever in the same place at the same time that could be bad for us, because when I am down he is up and when I am up he is down, and the one that is up always saves the one who is down. It's just how we work best together. Not that I always like it, it just is. I guess since Kevin's SCI we both have had moments where we have been down together. BUT never did I ever think Kevin could not take this SCI and turn it into something amazing. EVER! The man I married is amazing. He really is. He just is and I will always be in his corner. I love him.

After we all talked for a bit, Kevin went back to bed. I did the same thing and slept until after two in the afternoon. I have to say, this has been a weird day full of us all doing things we don't normally do or at least in ways we don't normally do them. That's not a bad thing. In fact, it was great today. I loved spending the morning talking and sharing things with our children and each other. We use to do this all the time and this is how we would have most of our family gospel discussions and us as parents sharing our testimonies with our children. I miss that. Our children miss that. Now a days, it's nice to talk with our older children and hear them share their testimonies as well. I absolutely LOVE that! Today we talked about serving and how all of us watched Kevin and I serve and how Kevin even watched his parents serve others. It was good to talk about these things. All in all, today was not a very productive day in terms of getting things done around the house but it was a productive day in terms of getting things done between all of us as a family and that is a wonderful thing. I love that!