It seems, to me, that we, as parents, and babysitters, are setting our children up for failure. Life is full of no, and saying no and hearing it shouldn’t be a bad thing nor should it be hard. In this day-in-age we are constantly trying to find easy ways to discipline our children. But life is full of nos; no, I can’t draw on my face, no, you can’t watch that show, no, you can’t afford that, no, these shoes don’t fit, no brownies for breakfast (now that I’m an adult I don’t tell myself no to that all the time). But telling our children no will assist them in life to come, and they will be able to tell themselves no when necessary (unless it’s brownies for breakfast).

How many times in a day I hear no is a lot. If I hear a siren behind me for speeding isn’t a yes. I don’t expect a policeman to redirect my attention with an ice-cream cone while he writes me a ticket, which is a BIG no. Since my parents brought me up with the word no I don’t throw myself into the steering wheel and honk my horn continually. Instead I go with the idea that I’m not allowed to do certain things.

Avoiding temper tantrums shouldn’t be our top priority as care givers to our children. Giving our children skills to cope with unpleasant situations should be our priority. How do we learn to handle no, how do we lose politely, how do we deal with siblings and sharing, how do we move through the world in a realistic way?

I’m not suggesting that we throw roadblocks into our children’s lives. I’m saying when it is appropriate children should hear “no”, should not win every game, should be able to accept that they aren’t the best, and that we, as caregivers, will love them through it all even when we, ourselves, may be the people saying no. Loving our children even with no is a good thing, and coming from a parent or someone they know and trust will make it so much easier when they go out into the world.