Author
Topic: You've got to be kidding me.... Now its the last update...#92 (Read 47771 times)

A few years ago, one of DF's friends started dating a girl he met at work. The first time she met me, she became convinced that he and I were sleeping together.

Nevermind that during the course of that night I'd said maybe 2 words to him because I ended up falling asleep on the couch. Nevermind that I'd never even been alone with him, except for one time months earlier when he and I went on a taco bell run for DF and the other guys and were gone for 15 minutes tops. Nope, she was absolutely convinced that we were fooling around.

He ended up dumping her shortly afterwards. I'm sure she blamed me for it.

I have a theory that people push their faults on other people. My mother is a chronic liar and she always assumes others are lying to her. I doubt she's cheating but I think she might have a somewhat flirtatious rel@tionship going on with a male friend and she assumes that you're doing that same. She's probably threatened because you've done stuff with him that she couldn't possibly and have bonds with him that she really can't understand.

I wouldn't laugh at her because she'll probably take that as a coverup. Just calmly explain that you're just friends and explain why you really couldn't think of him that way.

I am not sure that afbluebelle can say anything to assure this woman she is not after her man. However, if afbluebell and this woman share a mutual friend, perhaps the mutual friend can have a talk with her.

When I was in the Army, we active duty females would occasionally be accused of romping with the married males while we were out in the field.

Imagine, if you will, heading to the Bavarian mountains (along the border of the Czech Republic, rather than the Alps, but still...) in January, when there's been snow on the ground since the beginning of October, and the 6 foot tall road markers stick out about a foot from the snow cover. You're going to be out there in a canvas tent and if you're lucky, you'll have a pot bellied stove. But you might not. Or it might malfunction. You're not going to be seeing the inside off a bathroom (or even latrine) for the duration (usually about 2 weeks, but sometimes 3). Fortunately, it's the 80s, so you still have a steel pot (helmet) that you can use for a wash basin....in REALLY cold water.

anyone who thinks these conditions are even REMOTELY conducive to s*e*x*ing it up with the boys: average daily high temps of about 20 below (F), no bath for the next two weeks...is clearly smoking the GOOD stuff and should be sharing, not accusing you of harlotry. Even the momentary advantage of sharing body heat is overcome and surpassed by the ewwwwww of making the showerless conditions worse.

My usual response was an eyeroll and, "Lady, not even on a BET..." Whether they believed me or not? I dunno. But it wasn't worth the effort of working that hard for.

OTGeography is totally NOT my thing - were you near Wildflecken?

Also - kudos to you for still looking hot enough to make the GF sweat.

I just wanted to say I COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from. I am the only female where I work out of the 34 employees that we have there (including the owners). And I am friends with some of the guys. Hey it happens you become friends with some of your co-workers. And two of the women there have CALLED my cell phone to chew me out for trying to "steal their man" Sorry married here and have been with my hubby for 8 years I have no desire to steal someone away from their SO.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. It's a cruddy situation. No real advice cause I don't know what to do myself other than ignore them. And yes I've tried to have them come do something with my husband and I so that they can hopefully see how happily married I am and it didn't work for me either.

alli_wan

Sadly, I think there is little you can do. When I was in high School my best friend was a guy. I asked him to stand up for me in my wedding but he had to decline due to obligations for the Naval Academy. He ended up marrying a girl he graduated from the academy with and that was pretty much the end of our closeness.

I told him several times that I wanted to meet her because I felt so close to him that I was sure if he loved her then I would too, and since he and my hubby got along so well I was sure we could have a lot of fun when they were in town. Well, I heard through the grapevine from his sister and several friends that she kept shooting it down because she was jealous that he was so close to another female he wasn't related to. J was aware of her jealousy, he just didn't push her to meet me and see that I was not anything even closely resembling a threat.

I still get an email very occasionally, but our friendship is nothing like it used to be and that makes me very sad.

I guess the point is, unless he is willing to stand up to her and tell her to suck it up and get over her delusions then it isn't going to get any better. Sorry.

This may be less a case of not standing up to her than standing by her. His closeness to you makes her uncomfortable, and his loyalty should be to her, not you. There isn't anything you can do, and the only way things are going to change is if she ever feels you aren't a threat.

There is also the possibility (in many cases) that you are a threat, at least in that the husband in question would try something if given the chance.

Oh, by no means do I think that his loyalty should be to me... that is just crazy talk. They have a KID together, I think that trumps just about anything that friendship offers

And as for the attraction thing, who knows? My radar is notorious for being WAY off when it comes to what males think about me. I really don't think he is, but if she is afraid that he is, there isn't anything I can say that would end it.

I didn't get yelled at again, so maybe she has cooled her jets. I'll probably do my traditional monthly invite next month as usual, and hopefully she will say yes. I would really hate to see the mayhem that would ensue when/if we deploy... Supervisors don't take to kindly to numerous calls a day when you are on the other side of the world and the phone lines are needed for more than paranoid spouses.

Logged

My inner (r-word) is having a field day with this one.-Love is Evol: Christopher Titus-

Question: I would presume that you are not the only married female service member in your squadron. Would it be possible to have a squadron Married Couples event so that the non-service member spouses could meet each other and the people his/her spouse are serving with?

I did something similar on a platoon level in Germany and it seemed to defuse a lot of potential problems.

Again, what seems to set most spouses off is that they don't understand the relationship between servicemembers. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of those things that doesn't lend itself well to explanation.

Logged

"May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live." - R. Heinlein

I've had that reaction a lot. I am not in the military, but I do like some traditionally 'male' things. I am an Engineer which meant engineering and science classes. I am in a Single Malt drinking group ...many other things which many women can't understand why a woman would like.

I have learned to tread very carefully, because a jealous woman can really ruin the group dynamics. FH knows that I will stick closer to him, and that we will be more affectionate. If he can't come to a group function, I talk mostly to other women.

Question: I would presume that you are not the only married female service member in your squadron. Would it be possible to have a squadron Married Couples event so that the non-service member spouses could meet each other and the people his/her spouse are serving with?

I did something similar on a platoon level in Germany and it seemed to defuse a lot of potential problems.

Again, what seems to set most spouses off is that they don't understand the rel@tionship between servicemembers. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of those things that doesn't lend itself well to explanation.

I never ven thought about that! We are both members of the Spouse's Club (DH didn't want to join the cackle club, but I like that they put on events for AD, and am kind of a liason of sorts) I should talk to them and see about getting together for an informal Dining Out.

We have a yearly Family BBQ, but that is it. A night of dinner w/o the kids sounds like a good idea!

Logged

My inner (r-word) is having a field day with this one.-Love is Evol: Christopher Titus-

Question: I would presume that you are not the only married female service member in your squadron. Would it be possible to have a squadron Married Couples event so that the non-service member spouses could meet each other and the people his/her spouse are serving with?

I did something similar on a platoon level in Germany and it seemed to defuse a lot of potential problems.

Again, what seems to set most spouses off is that they don't understand the rel@tionship between servicemembers. Unfortunately, it seems to be one of those things that doesn't lend itself well to explanation.

I never ven thought about that! We are both members of the Spouse's Club (DH didn't want to join the cackle club, but I like that they put on events for AD, and am kind of a liason of sorts) I should talk to them and see about getting together for an informal Dining Out.

We have a yearly Family BBQ, but that is it. A night of dinner w/o the kids sounds like a good idea!

That's why you Air Farce Force types should be asking us old Army sergeants about such things!

An informal Dining Out would probably be right on the money. The trick is to get the babysitting organized so that everyone gets a chance to come. Good luck with it.

Logged

"May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live." - R. Heinlein

So, Basic Buddy and I are going to be in Vegas together. For a month. Where we will apparently be getting quickie divorces and doing a Vegas quickie wedding

This would be funny, but when I get my butt hauled in and asked what is going on between BB and I, the funny stops. Cheating on a spouse is against the UCMJ and punishable by death in a time of war (I love that line ) I wouldn't be shot but it would be a tone of trouble, and just a delusional accusation can start a bunch of suspicions and gossip.

So Evil GFH, if you are reading this, thanks for ruining my TDY. I know have to be with one of my shopmates at all times as a CYA measure, or stuck in my room. I value my career more than having fun, but I really hope something happens to Evil GFH so my misery will not be in vain. She is ticking me off.

She got the idea of the quickie divorce/wedding from BB mentioning that a few guys were going to see an Elvis impersonater. Bit of a stretch, dontcha think?

Logged

My inner (r-word) is having a field day with this one.-Love is Evol: Christopher Titus-