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FINDING PRINCE CHARMING PHOTOCAP: Hanging Chad

This week on Finding Prince Charming, a line was drawn in the sand. Literally. During a listeless volleyball challenge in the name of romance, the hottest guys in the house gathered as a team, leaving everyone else in a basket of disposables sadly named “The Nice Guys.” Naturally, chaos ensued.

Most of the drama centered around Chad, who allegedly made a vulgar, scrotum-centric overture at Eric. It didn’t seem like a major ish at first, but then Eric happily reported the incident to Robert, who in turn questioned Chad, who in turn had a meltdown. Ultimately, the whole drama resulted in Chad butchering some canary metaphors and threatening to go home. It was highly fulfilling. Also of note: drunk Sam yelling at half the house like Kim Richards on game night.

Chad: “Wait, we’re not cool? But we have matching manscapes.”

“Listen, in life there are two types of people. Those who wind up on a hot volleyball team, and those named Chad.”

“But I’m named Chad.”

“THINK ABOUT IT.”

“Before I pretend to fall over, please enjoy this pose.”

“Last night was really emotional. My pecs haven’t stopped crying.”

“Oh good, my delt is bigger today.”

“CHAD SUCKS. HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY HOT VOLLEYBALL.”

“Wow, thank you for being vulnerable about that. What did Chad do?”

“Let’s just say, it was unforgiveable!”

“He ate carbs, didn’t he?”

Robert: “Heyyyy, I heard that you ate a carb.”Chad: “WHO TOLD YOU?”Robert: “I just want to make sure you still care about working out.”Chad: “Of course. Like, I would never even consider a cheat meal.”“Okay, good. Because I really feel like we’ve been connecting. I mean, we both have the same towel, and that’s important to me.”

“I just want to say that some of these guys do not have your best interest in mind.”

“You know what’s funny? Last week, I dumped Charlie because he said the same thing to me. But you’re hot; so instead I’ll thank you.”

Lance: “Okay guys, separate yourselves into teams of Banana Republic and Old Navy.”

“We’ll just be hanging out over here while you slowly eliminate the other team over the next five weeks.”

“So, hot men, who’s the most important person in your life?”

“That’s a great question, Robert. I would have to say the most important person in my life is you.”

“Wow. You’re so vulnerable. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

“No problem, my beautiful, dumb Prince.”

Eric: “Listen, here’s my real problem. You stuck your hands down your pants and tried to make out with me. That makes me SO uncomfortable!”Chad: “And living in a glorified brothel with ten other dudes all trying to give a blowjob to the same guy is perfectly fine for you?”

“Who put this wine glass here??? I SAID WHO PUT THIS WINE GLASS HERE??? I’M ITALIAN!!!!”

“Oh gosh. The hot guys are all sitting next to each other. Gaaah-rossss.”

Robby: “You make it sound like we’re some clique of impossibly gorgeous men.”Eric: “We’re just a group of exceedingly handsome human specimens who happen to only talk to each other and wear the exact same t-shirt.”

“Someday I’ll be in the hot guy clique.”

“No.”

“I think it’s time to talk about canaries. Who likes them? Who hates them? Let’s put it all out on the table.”

“EVERYONE SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. AND TALK CANARIES.”

“Someone sang like a canary, and it’s not cool.”

“IT. IS. NOT. COOL!!! REAL CANARY TALK!“

“Just be cool, canary. Maybe we can fool around later.”

“I WILL SOAK UP EVERY MOTHERFUCKING OUNCE OF HOT TUB WATER UNTIL ONE OF YOU CANARIES TELLS US WHO’S BEEN CANARYING!!”

“I CAN’T STOP YELLING!!!”

“I’m so upset with these canaries that I had to wear sleeves.”

Robert: “Wow, your arm smells like arm.”

Justin: “Look! There’s another side!”Robert: “Whoa… has it always been there?”“Yaaa!!!”

“Ten seconds into my date with Robert, and I’m already being forced into being shirtless. GREAT.”

Robert: “I brought you here to this pile of salt because I thought you might feel at home with an experience that was high in sodium.”“Rude.”

Justin: “OMG on my date we made cologne and sniffed each other’s arms and then made out, and it was so hot. How was your date, Jasen?”

“We played with salt.”

“I’m confused, Mary.”

“it was great. It was like going back to the ocean except no water. Just… salt… lots and lots of… salt…. Sooooo… yeah….”

“Justin, will you keep wearing my tie?”

“Yes, as long as I don’t have to swap it out for the one you’re wearing.”

Robert: “But polka dots express charisma.”

“Whatever you say, Ken Doll.”

“My name is Robert.”

“Mmkay I’m gonna go back to the pack now.”

“Chad, will you step forward?”

“I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE LOUD CANARY SINGING.”

“Please stop mangling the canary metaphor. And take your hands out of your pants.”