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How to know when a clueless guy is hopeless

In real life, the day of hearts and chocolate may pass some by, unlike Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher in the romantic comedy "Valentine's Day." (Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.)

During my single years, I traveled a rocky road as I attempted to find a man who would one day be legally required to be my Valentine.

Some people call it marriage.

Now that I have kids and am no longer in the dating trenches, I realize I missed out on Valentine's Day. It's not just about romantic love but also about all the whimsical crafts and delicious concoctions that help us express our appreciation for those around us.

My most painful Valentine's Day was my junior year of college. I had been casually dating a guy for a month and when I say casually, I mean casually. Even though we spent an inordinate amount of time together, he had shown no romantic inclinations toward me.

He was a bit of an anomaly: drop-dead gorgeous and clueless. Women fawned over him but he was immune to their charms. He was on the fast-track in business school but was also dirt poor and worked as a campus janitor at 4 a.m. One of his admirers offered to drive him every day at 3:30 a.m.

"Oh, she is just being nice," he rationalized. "Besides, she drops me off on the way to the track." The track that did not open until 5 a.m.

I decided that if he did not make his move on Valentine's Day that he never would. My parents had even sent him $20 to take me to dinner, but the big day approached and there was nothing. He finally called me the night before.

"Hey, do you have plans tomorrow?"

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"Well, not exactly," I replied coyly. "What do you have in mind?"

"I have a film I need to see for my biology class."

Surely he was kidding. It was a cover for a romantic evening when he would finally profess his undying love for me.

"Sounds like fun!" I would play along.

When he arrived at my doorstep the next evening, he was exuberant. "Hey, thank your parents for the money they sent me!" he exclaimed. "I didn't have to donate plasma this week and was able to put it to good use."

Good use that evidently did not include taking me to dinner.

I still had not lost hope until he took me to the theater in the biology building on campus. As dread infiltrated my very being, I realized this was all there was. I was simply a buddy he was dragging along to fulfill his class credit. Just when I thought it could not get worse, it did.

His film de choix? "Fetal Development: A Nine-Month Journey."

I was the original case study for the book, "He's Just Not That Into You."

Make v-day a family day

Valentine's Day isn't just about romantic love. You can celebrate all day long as a family. Abbi Perets, a mother of five and former parenting columnist for the sheknows.com network, has these affordable ideas for letting your kids know how much you love them.

Start with some sugar

What's sweeter than a Valentine's Day breakfast the whole family can enjoy? Whatever you normally serve can take on a holiday air with some creativity. Break out red napkins if you've got them. A drop of red food coloring in your kids' morning milk makes it feel festive. Add a dollop of whipped cream and strawberry syrup if you're feeling generous.

How do I love thee? Let's count the ways...

Have everyone in the family trace his or her hands to make handprints on a large piece of paper. Then, together, list five things you love about each person in the family. Take a picture when you're done and share the love — you'll treasure this one for years to come.

Sweat the small stuff

The smallest gestures can often create the biggest memories. Sit down with your kids to figure out nice things you can do for everyone in your family. Junior loves French fries? Let's make some to serve with dinner. Dad loves to ride his bike after work? Fill the tires with air. Keep the focus here on things that don't cost money but instead require some action — however small.

Share your celebration

Put together a goody basket with cards, treats and homemade artwork, and deliver it to someone who helps your family regularly — like your child's bus driver, crossing guard, or piano teacher, or someone else you see on a daily or weekly basis.

Family first

Have your kids record Valentine's Day greetings for various family members and post them on Facebook. Depending on your kids' cooperation level, you can also schedule time for a live video chat — but it's hard to get kids to perform on demand for relatives they don't see often.

Go for the games

You know how you're always too busy to just play games with your kids? Make today the day you have time. Your phone will survive without you for 20 minutes. Indulge their desires and give them your full attention — you'll have plenty of time to catch up on Twitter later.

Just desserts

Ice cream for dinner once in a while won't kill your kids — and you can still serve a regular dinner after the dessert if you feel you must.

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