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Criticism Rule

a leader is more like a lightning rod than a cute wall decoration

My rule for criticism is: I love criticism! As a young preacher, I dreaded, feared, and avoided criticism. I equated it with failure. I should be able to study enough, work enough, visit enough, and be good enough so people would have nothing but appreciation for me and my work.

I had a conversion experience with a counselor that changed my attitude toward criticism.

One Sunday, I’d received some stinging words. I made an appointment with James Jones, a counselor from the Atlanta area, who worked in our building at Central in Dalton, Georgia, the following day.

I wanted him to do two things:

Agree I was right and those who criticized me were wrong. To me, it was clear. I was right. There was no reason for their criticism.

I hoped, but doubted, that on one of his visits to our congregation he might work it into his conversation to these people it was hurtful to me for them to criticize me. It’d be good if they wouldn’t do it again.

I presented my case, awaiting his agreement, help, and encouragement.

He paused, as he often did, glanced at me a time or two, then said, “Did it ever occur to you not everybody likes Jerrie Barber?”.

Then I paused. That wasn’t the reply I expected and wanted. I had nothing to say.

James continued:

Not everybody likes Jerrie Barber. Not everybody has liked Jerrie Barber in the past. Not everybody likes Jerrie Barber today. Not everybody will like Jerrie Barber in the future. That’s facts. That’s reality. That’s the way the world operates. You have two choices:

You can let people know you’re concerned; you want to know what they think and feel. If you communicate clearly, sincerely, and often, they’ll tell you. And many times it’ll really hurt. But…you’ll learn things you’ll never learn any other way.

I’ve received some helpful suggestions. I show I’m willing to listen to criticism and not get defensive. I set a precedent. I encourage people to come to me at any time to tell me how to improve. I believe anyone who finds salmonella in my refrigerator and tells me about it isn’t hurting me. He’s helping me.

Once I invite people to tell me how I can be better and do better, it takes the sting out. When they do, and I thank them, I gain credibility and often build better relationships. I sometimes write personal notes to those who do an outstanding job criticizing me — especially if it seemed difficult for them.

That means should anyone approach me saying, “We’ve had some complaints about…”, I reply, “I don’t accept anonymous criticism. Please have the person or persons talk to me. I’ll treat them with respect and appreciation.”

Should a person persist (which I haven’t experienced), I’d reply, “I cannot respond. It’d be going against my contract.” It’d also be going against scripture. Jesus told us to bring any complaint against a brother by going to him ALONE. (Matthew 18:15).

A leader is more like a lightning rod than a cute wall decoration. A lightning rod rises above the building, saying, “Hit me, hit me.” The potentially destructive charge is transferred to the ground. The building is protected. Leadership, greatness isn’t for cuteness and admiration. It comes with service and often pain (Matthew 20:25-28).

I communicate this information the fourth week in a new interim. About this time, I conduct a one-hour workshop on Criticism. After this, people test whether I meant what I said or not. Depending on my response, I have the opportunity to increase or decrease my credibility.

But that happens to any leader, whether he articulates the way he handles criticism or not.

What suggestions do you have for dealing with criticism?
Please comment below:

Denver Cooper told us preaching students that same thing about truth in criticism back in 2003 and I thought he had lost his marbles. But I have found it to be true. Even if it is only one person’s perception, and is a biased assessment, it is an opportunity for my empathy and understanding of people to grow. That can only help me as God’s servant in the long run. And indeed it has. Thanks Jerrie