One Life to Live Commentary

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I didn't like it, so sue me: The worst of OLTL 2013:
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Michael Easton can say more with one eyebrow than half the cast can say with ten pages of dialogue.

I hope you all had a great holiday last week! I, for one, have lots to be thankful for. Even though today's Thanksgiving is quite a bit different from the first one we had, way back in the 1600s, I am grateful to the Wampanoag who showed up that day in the belief that peaceful co-existence with this country's newcomers was possible. And I'm thankful for our armed servicepeople and for the peace we now know, and I hope that someday soon, our leaders will remember that the fastest way to peace is never through war.

But oh, isn't there war a'brewin' in Llanview?!

Ooooooh, wait 'til Vange goes to see John in person! Oooooh, I hope this is the signal for the dee-eee-eee-mise of Crange! Yes, I am SO desperate for the end of Crange that I am actually hoping that Johnny's resurrection will snap Vange right back to her senses! Did you see the way Cris was dressed for court?! Dude, your woman is the prosecuting attorney in the biggest case of her career! Ya think you could maybe sport a dress shirt . . . and a tie? Anyway, why do I bother? He never was right for her, and that isn't going to change, no matter how they dress him up.

I loved, loved Spewster's "breakdown" in court! Paul Satterfield does a great coocoo-for-cocoa-puffs! He must be related to the Lords somehow! Long, lost brother-by-another-mother? Hmmm . . .

I loved Natalie and Vincent together. He's very sweet when he's bein' sweet on somebody, isn't he just? And with John's lapse in pre-marital memory . . . who knows? Maybe Vince has a shot. Okay, here ya go, Powers-That-Be: Vattie. Nince. NatVin. VinNat. Personally, I like Nince. Kinda close to ninnies. Though they're not ninnies. Well, one outta two ain't bad. Right?

Oh and the explanation of The Kiss between Nat and Vince! Did you love the look on John's face when Nat starts out, "I was having a bad day . . ." Like, yea, tell me about it! Michael Easton can say more with one eyebrow than half the cast can say with ten pages of dialogue. But I'll tell ya, if I have to watch Nat talk to another woman the way she talks to Evangeline and then, the nurse at the Atlantic City hospital, I'm gonna jump through the TV and smack her in the head myself. Where does she get off being so disrespectful and snotty? Wasn't all that long ago that she was close enough to skid row to catch the first wafts of dock water fresh off the river. She really needs to start actin' like she knows - or she'd better ask somebody.

Rex's nightmare, I loved it! Well, not that he had a nightmare, but I loved Todd Jr. (Thank God for Marcie and Michael!) By the way, is Michael starting to sound a bit stuffy? He sure is acting kinda stuffy. Not stuffy as in snobby. Stuffy as in, tryin-to-be-tough stuffy. But I digress . . .

Rex did good going to Roxy about the Tommy situation. She was actually the best one to help him understand what he needed to understand, but one thing is clear: Adriana really needed to stop badgering him about what he was going to do. Go . . . draw somebody some underwear, girl! Jeez! She's all Ritalin Minnie, even in his dreams! How sad is that?

This week, I loved it that Rex is growing up. "Is the best thing, the right thing?" Nice.

But, I hated watching another week of Adriana not. Personally, I think she's a bit old for the spoiled brat routine. It was cute on Starr at ten. On Ritalin Minnie . . . not so much. I kinda agree with Nikki, who writes: "Melissa Gallo is really cute . . . but the scripts they give her would make Meryl Streep reach!" I dunno, though, Meryl Streep would probably be a lot more entertaining to watch. Okay, I could understand her attitude if her inheritance was gone - if Dorian had gambled it away or lost it or whatever. But Dorian put the money in a trust! Where does Little Ritalin Minnie get off accusing her mother of stealing it? Harumph!

I loved the glimpse of Tess on JessTonio's honeymoon! I don't think he'll be able to handle the new and improved Tessica. He was waaaay duhhed up when she hopped on his lap. (Personal note to Tonio: 'Kay, dude, if you don't know what to do when your girl hikes up the skirt and hops on your lap, then puh-lease put yourself out of our misery now and go away with Claudia.) Jess is getting a lot more sass to her, but when they leave her alone for too long, she goes all Stepford on us. I love the way she looks when she shows up at Nash's by herself. If he can't see Tess in that swagger, then he's gone way past blind and is heading straight for stupid.

Oh, and what is with Cris being the how-to-get-over-her guru? Yea, get over the love of your life by reboundin' with somebody else on the rebound. Not. Yo, Cris - the last time you did that, you ended up dead, resurrected, brainwashed, and in jail . . . and ya still didn't get to keep the girl! How'd that work for ya?

By the way, I'm happy to report that the head of Beatrice T, who writes me frequently, has not yet exploded. It was touch and go there for a bit, especially after she wrote to me, saying, ". . . if they don't break up Crange soon, I think my head will explode." But I heard from her the day before Thanksgiving, and her head is still intact. Hooray!

I loved Nash getting to play Daddy for a week, and I loved Clint visiting his little grandkid. And I loved, loved Nash's message-in-a-bottle. In my perfect world, Tessica would find that bottle and read its message, and she would get wonked on the head and wake up as Tess with a little bit of Jess, instead of the other way around. Ahh . . . well, I can wish, can't I?

I loved Starr's argument with her parents. I love watching Kristen Alderson and Trevor St John! She does "angry teen" so well . . . They are just a natural fit as parent and kid! Did she or did she not nail Todd's happy little behind to the wall? I did love him owning up like a grown-up to Starr's Marty comparison. And him finally admitting that he should have let Blair handle the Cole situation. Blair passing out is concerning me, too. The way they're treating the great actors - the ones whose characters you can love and hate all at the same time . . . well, TPTB aren't really batting too well. If they take Blair out with another brain tumor, I think that my head is gonna explode.

I loved Langston this week. She's the best friend every girl that age needs. She rocks!

I liked NuMarty at first, but now . . . I'm a little eh! I don't think even Susan Haskell could pull off Marty being a psychologist. But hey, like a few others have wondered, when did she have time to go off and have a kid that's Starr's age? But don't'cha just love Cole's screen nick: Colehearted. Very cute. We'll see how nuMarty works out. Won't take much for my eh! to slide into ugh!, though.

I loved the way Bo broke the news to Paige. I still don't really like her, but he did well with her. And she did pretty good as a grieving almost-mom, but then who wouldn't if they got to fall into the arms of Bob Woods every now and again? Woohoo! Bring on the onions and watch me cry!

Y'know, I love it when it's my turn to babysit One Life. I get a free hour of non-activity during the day, or I get to take a three-hour break in the middle of the day to come home and see what havoc our darling little Callie - who's hardly little anymore - has wreaked upon our homestead. (Okay, that's just an excuse. I really do like coming home in the middle of the day whenever I can swing it. But, shhh . . . don't tell my boss, okay?)

Two Scoops is an opinion column. The views expressed are not designed to be indicative of the opinions of soapcentral.com or its advertisers. The Two Scoops section allows our Scoop staff to discuss what might happen, what has happened, and to take a look at the logistics of it all. They stand by their opinions and do not expect others to share the same view point.