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Friday, May 19, 2006

Beer

So many people are probably stopping dead in their tracks when they see that one word listed above. You know what word I'm talking 'bout bitch. Whether it is fueling an argument, making the pizza taste better, getting you hammered, or is just a damn good drink to sip on, beer is an American love that is sure to last. Who cares the girl you had sex with last night has Sasquatch hairy arms and sagging teets? Who cares that the DUI you were issued is probably going to ruin your life? Who cares that you woke nestled tightly in between two of your best friends naked? (you pervert..) Sure, it makes some of us fat, but who really cares?

We are a fat country, and there isn't much else to be said. We are always in some sort of war, we have drug problems, gang violence, constant discrimination against everyone, and a plethora of other problems in this country. But when the bitching stops and the dust clears, a gay, black, white, gangster, "druggie," and a rich guy could all be in the same bar, drinking the same beer.

Sam Adams, Bud Heavy, Bud Light, Bud Ice, Natty Light, Natty Ice, PBR, Miller, Coors, Heineken- just to name a few of thousands- are all simple little beverages that are accountable for so many glories and defeats in this country. Some use it to get the courage to finally talk to that special someone. Others use it to take the sting off of a practice punch so that if they get destroyed in the fight, it won't really hurt until tomorrow. Whatever it is being used for, Beer is the omnipresent liquid moving behind the scenes, ensuring that one day beer will unite the free world into peaceful harmony.

Now, I could make this article go on and on and on about all the stories beer is responsible for, but half of them would be taken care of thanks to a little show called COPS. Many of you reading are people here in Memphis, and some of you stumbled onto this site by accident, but either way you know you were trapped by the one word title of this article. Because it is the one word that makes your girlfriend's nagging disappear, your debt fade away, and that headache turn to memory. It is the one word that stops your internet crusading at work. It is the word that is responsible for countless pounds of gained weight. It is the one, the only: Beer.