I received Knowledge when I had just turned 18 in 1978. My background was Catholic, and recently I had lost my
beliefs, and also a year before this I had been raped by a stalker. Back then they were not called stalkers. Anyway
not a lot of people wanted to know of my crisis.

My sister had been with DLM from the early days, and I regarded it as stupid, and when I went to Sydney to visit
her I told her of my pain. She told me GM would fix it. For a short while that worked, but I took all my old Catholic
stuff to the ashram with me, and really believed that GM was God, and that I was a chosen follower. As years passed
and I lived like this total recluse, depression set in. I was only happy when there was a festival on or the Guru
was in town. I will update this story at a later date.

The day GM closed the ashrams and set us all free was the day I left. In my opinion he betrayed me. I remember
all the financial dealings that went on. Who got the furniture, etc. It was a bad divorce, and I never forgave
him. I was 21 and penniless, and I had to start my life again, which after crying all night with my twin sister
who also joined the cult, gave me courage to admit what a fool I had been. I had wasted so much time... good years
gone forever.

Eventually I recovered, and have a good job, a degree, a husband and fantastic son. This web site is fantastic
to tell these stories of someone who used us. All of my family are out of the cult thank goodness, and before my
mother died I made my peace with her. When I was in the ashram I only saw her a few times over those years, that
must have hurt her. Plus I refused to go back home and continue my studies. Only good thing to get out of the cult
was the food lessons and also a bit of time out from the rat race, but overall I could have been doing something
a bit more useful with my time.

Even though I left the cult at 21, it took me another couple of years to leave psychologically and also to move
away from friendships. That was painful that I was not allowed to say my real feelings. Of course now I do, and
I don't care what the premies think either. When premies say those old sayings I get the creeps, because GM turned
out to be greedy, sexist, rascist and never ever told the truth. He surrounded himself with white males who all
lived off our money from the poor depressed ashram premies, who were stuck with Catholic guilt syndrome.. if you
leave you will experience eternal damnation. It took all my strength to ditch that one.

My younger brother died in an accident in 1984, and I had only re-established contact with him. That painful time
really gave me a reality check. I will never go back to living like some doormat for the sake of enlightenment!