Scars of my past…a School Bullying Story

October 9, 2013

The following story is one that my little girl was courageous to share with her school when the teachers asked for stories of school bullying. Kudos to all the kids who were brave enough to share their stories and help create awareness. My daughter’s story touched my wife and me very deeply as we remember those days when we would see our little girl come home from school depressed and sad. Thankfully we have always had good communication and were able to do what he had to do as parents to stop what was happening. This blog was published on October 9th, 2013.I hope her story touches your heart as it did mine. We have to do what we can to help create awareness of this topic as there are too many children who keep it in and suffer greatly.

Here is her story……

I’ve never told my story before. I guess you could say I never had the guts to. It has always been a part of me. And I’ve always felt safer burying my feelings so that other people can’t use them against me. So maybe I am afraid. Maybe I am afraid of people knowing that part of me. Maybe I am afraid of showing people my weakness. But I realize now that I’ve always wanted someone to know my story. Not to show weakness, but to show my strength. I’ve always wanted people to know how much strength I have so that I am the person I am today. Every person’s story is different. Some may be more inspiring than others, but I won’t compare myself to others today. This is my moment. Moment of strength. Moment of courage. Moment of triumph as I conquer my inner demons.

4th grade is kind of a weird year for everyone. It is right before fabulous fifth grade and its right after all the fun and games with school stop. I think everyone was surprised with what happened. That I was even bullied in the first place. Considering that it was my best friend that did it to me. I guess that’s what makes it so bad though. You make a place for someone in your heart, and they just rip that space right out. Besides the physical abuse, the emotional abuse was way worse. But that’s how girls are. They are sneaky and manipulative, and they go behind your back. They know how to make you feel at your lowest. A lot of the time that I was bullied was blocked out. The good things that is. I don’t remember anyone trying to help me, I just remember the torturous days, the sleepless nights, those times when I would just cry and cry, and I felt like I would never stop, and those times where I felt numb. Those times were the worst. I felt as though if I am not feeling anything, what’s the point? Why am I even a person? What did I ever do to deserve this? I never attempted suicide, like some people who were bullied, but those thoughts always seemed to hit me at my lowest moments. I went into a depression. I would get sick easily, and I loved it. I loved being sick because that would mean that I don’t have to go to school. I do remember pretending to be sick a couple of times so that I wouldn’t have to go to school. That was something I would never do.

There is pain that I went through that a lot of people would never understand. For me, the kind of person I am, it is a horrible thing to be broken like that. I am a happy person. People have bent me, and bent me, and bent me. But there is only one person that has ever made me break. How did I let her break me? How? I guess that’s why I’ve always been scared. I’ve put my guard up. I’ve put up so many walls. I am afraid of being broken. Being shattered. And that’s why I am in online school. It puts up a wall between me and the world. But it also creates an opening. It opens my wounds so that in time they can heal. If I had stayed in school, I am afraid that I might not be here today. I know I will never forget what happened to me, but I’m hoping that one day, I’ll be able to forgive. I’m not sure what that will take. I’ve always wanted to forget. But now I know I can’t. I realize that it is a learning experience. That it made me stronger. Now I’m a warrior. Now I’ve got thicker skin. I’m a warrior. Stronger than I’ve ever been, and my armor is made of steel you can’t get in. I’m a warrior. And you can never hurt me again.- Warrior by Demi Lovato.

Original Post by Dilyn Saar

To my little girl..you are a warrior and you are an amazing example of strength~~Love Dad