Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Everyone Wants to be a ROCKSTAR

I started bawling at a Kanye West concert. Oh that's right, while everyone was rolling their J's, puffing and passing, and doing their best imitations as a rapper's hype man; hands in the air, bouncing and attempting looking as though they had rhythm, I bawled. Snot flowing, total drama, since- that's how I roll.

Rewind to earlier in the week.....I flew out to Denver, to see Gavin Degraw, Jason Mraz, Grahmn Colton and Landon Pigg. I used to (and sometimes still do) work for one of their management companies doing some radio/newspaper promo for one of their tours, so a perk to the gig is VIP tickets, some free drinks and a music filled evening with incredible artists. The entire time during the show, I didn't want to be there writing anything. I wanted to be on stage. Singing. I wanted to feel the keys of my piano under my finger tips, the satisfaction of writing a good song, the cathartic experience of living through each story again, each emotion, each picture that you'd clipped from your memory and attached to the title. I wanted live that for an audience of strangers who'd personalized the songs for themselves.

Needless to say, later that night I proceeded to lament over a tall PBR at a scenester Karaoke bar, with Nikki Six lookalikes.

Later in the week, I got a call from a good friend who's dancing for Rihanna, and found out he was going to be in Denver on Sunday. SCORE. The line up: Lupe Fiasco, N.E.R.D, Rihanna and the spastic (though genius) Kanye West. Due to my former life as a dancer/dance studio owner's kid, and L.A. resident, I usually get hooked up for shows. I am a concert snob, VIP or go home. Let's just say, it's much better knowing the right people than getting a mad case of nose bleeding up in the rafters, while watching tiny ants move about a stage. SO yeah, call me snobbish.

The show, was. incredible. And also a little bit too much for me to handle. I've been ::this close:: so many times to being up there, that each time I'm not, it's a reminder of the fact that I'm not where I've envisioned myself being. Which may aid to my Quarter Life Crisis? So while Kanye sang Golddigger, I welled up like I do watching the Olympic games.....full of hope, full of sadness, full of salty, tears.

The next morning, I wanted to dive into a vat of peanut butter and live in it. Until I got a call from a friend in L.A.....informing me of a great backup singing audition, for a big. ass. band. with a big. ass. tour. The universe has spoken to me, and moments later....I was on a plane to L.A.

I have been doing the "shadow- artist" thing, being close and working for the artist but not actually BEING the art. So from NYC, to Denver where I was reminded of where I find my ultimate happiness, to L.A. and by the end of the day, I will have auditioned, left my heart on the stage with the hope that it is received.....

I'm set to cover Bonnaroo in Tennessee and Austin City Limits this summer, let's hope that instead of standing on the side of the stage, with my fancy laminate giving me just enough access, that I'll be out of the wings, doing my thing.

Do you have a myspace page or something where you post your music? I'd love to hear it and I bet a lot of your other readers would, too! Sorry if the link is already posted somewhere and I've missed it.

It sounds like you're so close! Maybe the quarter-life crisis is just a cocoon that you'll come out of as a beautiful, permanently stage-bound butterfly. And tears at the Kanye concert? I say blame it on the Gangsta rap...

Everyone just wants to be their own thing. I hope you get more chances to be the artist rather than the shadow-artist. Even though your life sounds so unbelievably awesome (trying so HARD not to sound insanely jealous as I sit at my crap job), it should always get better.

(Man, I really fear for comments with so many parenthese, I hope you can understand it as I type just like I speak, with random tangents in the middle of each sentence and an hour later, I will finally get back to the point I was making earlier.)

i'm in the arts industry as well, and it's killer. esp when you feel as though your efforts aren't rewarded (which they so rarely are). but you sound as though you know what your dreams are, and you know what your goal is - and you are doing the footwork to make it happen!

Did you know that when you cover Bonnaroo, you'll be in my hometown? Well, technically my county, because Manchester is a shithole, but Tullahoma is the nice town in the county =) Actually, my dad was one of the businessmen who was initially behind the fest (but since its inauguration, it's gotten so big they had to go corporate). I usually go--covered it last year for EW--but alas, can't swing it this time around. Who are you covering it for? I'll hook you up with my 20-year-old sis if you want someone to hang out with while there...

Best of luck!!! That is very exciting and I have the same reaction at concerts. A very frustrated former singer (current if you count the concerts I hold in my living room for the cat) so I totally get it. And I'm going to Kanye tonight! AND I'm in Austin so email me when you come for ACL :)

Denver, represent! :) We were there, too--we weren't up in the nosebleeds (we had club level) but sounds like you were closer! I was super tired from my friend's wedding the night before and didn't enjoy myself as much as I would have otherwise, but all four acts were pretty damn good...

just me- so goood we need to talk about it over dinner, which I'm pretty sure was supposed to happen tonight? and isn't happening because I have no money. :) xoxo and thank you I love the new age-yness, love it, especially since its making me famous. lol.