I can’t believe you didn’t fucking tell me there was a huge fucking bug on my back for the whole bus ride home.

What the fuck? Seriously. What. The. Fuck.

I apologize for the profanity, but really, what else can you say when there are Giant Flying Biting Black Bugs involved?

So I’m riding home from work with all the other home-from-work passengers. It’s a warm day and the windows are down. I’m listening to my discman (it’s true, I’m less than hip). Contemplating not a heckuva lot more than what my tired eyes can see outside my window. Then I feel it. A tiny bit of movement on my neck. I move to adjust the cord of my headphones and it’s gone. It’s a breezy day, probably just got jostled around a bit, right? A few minutes later, it moves again. So I pat around back there and feel something with a slightly crunchy character to it. Then nothing.

But no one sitting behind me says a word. It must just be my dang headphones again.

The third time I feel it, I’m a little unsettled. I turn around and look on the seat, pat around on my back, but find nothing. And the woman seated DIRECTLY BEHIND me seems to be unfazed. I’m clearly imagining things. People would break the Bus Code of Silence if there was anything bug-like involved, right?

The fourth time (yes, FOURTH) I move quickly. I swat at the tiny crunchy footsteps on the back of my neck and feel a little bite. I swat again and bam! There it is. A 3-inch black bug with wings and little feelers and little legs is sitting next to me on the seat. I look at it. It does not look at me. I do not take my eyes off it for the rest of the ride home, but when I get up to leave I shoot a glare at the cluster of people sitting behind me that felt it was unnecessary to inform me that a Giant Flying Biting Black Bug was crawling all over my neck for 20 minutes.

Thanks, you uptight chumps. Can't even open your goddam mouth to save a fellow human being from being trampled on by a bug?