DISCLAIMER: The dating information contained within this column is meant for social enlightenment only, any misuse or misinterpretation of the advanced dating techniques described herein is solely the reader's responsibility. The self proclaimed experts here do not accept any legal responsibility for empowering the reader with techniques known only up to this point by a select handful of international professional daters.

Your Relationship Advice Experts

Lucy Storm

Lucy is a former NFL Cheerleader and professional stage dancer. She currently enjoys a huge following as a dating advice columnist for a major newspaper syndicate and appears regularly on an assortment of TV Talk Shows

Chad Steel

Chad is a former semi pro athlete and now casting director for a Blockbuster Hollywood Motion Picture Studio. Chad is a self proclaimed expert on the art of the pickup and all matters related to women.

Professor Nigel Hawthorn

The Professor is an expert in ancient tribal sexual rituals and communication. He will offer unique historical insights into the human condition as relates to the theory of modern day relationships.

Reader Questions For the Experts

Kevin (28) from Elliot Lake, Ontario asks:

I accidentally discovered that my girlfriend of two years keeps a rather large vibrator in the nightstand bedside her bed but she doesn't know I know. We don't live together but I always thought I kept her satisfied but now I'm not sure. I think knowing it's there is giving me performance anxiety. What should I do?

Lucy Storm

It's not about size; it's how you use what you've got. I have given that advice out dozens of times to guys just like you .... and I still get a laugh out of it ... because, you know what? It really is about size. Seriously, size matters. So, there's not much you can do about your shortcomings just go onto to make lots of money and maybe date midgets.

Professor Nigel Hawthorn

I will take a pass on this one; actually I'm not even sure I understood the question.

Chad Steel

Whoa! Dude, Lucy was a little rough on you, there is lots of things available to deal with your ... um.... little problem. First of all if you look in the back of most adult entertainment magazines you will see various male enhancement types of products. I recommend the...... I mean I have a friend that recommends the Swedish Line of Male Enhancement Pumps for just this situation . Let's be clear on that last point it's a friend of mine, it's not me. Come to think of it t he midget thing doesn't seem like such a bad idea after all .