Pierce - I'm in a pretty similar boat. I have crazy expectations for what I look for in people and I've recently decided that I'm non monogamous... so the math is pretty daunting for me, too, to find people that fit into our crazy lifestyles. They exist though, I promise.

I strongly relate (being a non-monogamous vegan myself). Pierce, I suggest significantly narrowing your search. Not just for a romantic connection but a significant connection of any kind. Spend less time with the individuals who you do not necessarily connect with in the ways you'd like (particularly those that you simply feel an obligation to maintain contact with) and maximize the amount of time you spend at fairs (i.e. TVAs Vegetarian Fair), message boards, fundraisers..etc. focused on the principles closest to your heart (i.e. veganism/non-monogamy). I've surprised myself time and time again at the types of people I've been able to meet when I limited the amount of time I spent on relationships I felt an obligation to maintain.

I can definitely relate. I had a bad experience ending a 2 year relationship because at the time I felt so divorced from my immediate community.

There were moments where I felt like my partner was the only individual I could truly relate to, at least at the local level, and it definitely postponed a separation that in the end turned out to be the healthy choice for both of us.

I don't think that individuals with alternative views will ever find themselves completely comfortable within our current society. However, I do believe it is possible to surround yourself with empathetic, like-minded individuals who can bring a sense of belonging even if in the grander scheme of things you feel out of place.