When Recipes Go Bad

When Recipes Go Bad

Article excerpt

Many years ago I read an article about how to cure constipation.
I don't want to go into details here some people are reading this
while eating their Cheerios but it involved a bathtub, bathwater
and an open drain.

The article made an impression on me because it was such total,
unadulterated lunacy. The method involved physics and anatomy, and
the man who wrote it clearly had no knowledge of either one. He
acknowledged that he was not a doctor and even admitted that he had
never personally tried this particular method. But he was sure that
it would work.

It wouldn't.

This all happened long before the Internet, with its easily
accessible mixture of fact and misinformation. But I am reminded of
the article with increasing frequency these days when I look through
certain cookbooks.

Some of the recipes I find are, well, lunacy.

A couple of weeks ago, I made a kuku, an Iranian version of a
frittata. I was writing a story about eggs, and it looked
interesting. At least in theory. Or at least the ingredients looked
interesting. But their proportions were clearly, abjectly wrong.

The recipe began with five eggs, which, as far as I could tell,
was about the only thing it got right. To those eggs were added 2
cups of finely chopped parsley, 1 cups of finely chopped cilantro,
cup of chopped fresh dill and cup of finely chopped chives or
scallions, among other ingredients.

Let's do a little math, shall we? That's five cups of herbs that
are theoretically being used to flavor five eggs. Because the dish
is supposed to serve four, that means each guest is subjected to 1
cups of minced herbs apiece.

Those poor, poor people.

I altered the recipe considerably, adding an egg and cutting way,
way back on the herbs. I also lessened the amount of fat, from two
full tablespoons of oil or butter per person to a more reasonable
tablespoon per person. The dish as I made it turned out to be
delightful, instead of a mouthful of herbs dripping in oil.

The difference is that I actually made my recipe. There is no way
the woman who wrote the cookbook ever made hers.

It's like someone publishing a cure for constipation without
actually trying it. …