Wednesday, July 19, 2006

My Fickle Muse

Characters on TV always have such interesting jobs, or at least their job is interesting, even if its portrayal has little to do with reality. They are police detectives, lawyers, doctors, hostage negotiators, writers, actors and so on. They lead eventful, important lives that leave them successful and generally fulfilled. When I was younger, I assumed (as no doubt did many of you) that I too would find such a worthy career. I thought that when I found what I wanted to do in life, I would be excellent at it and there would be relatively smooth sailing from then on. Now I know better.

Like many people, I have a strong interest in creative endeavors. I love to read, I enjoy writing, and I am captivated by film. I freely admit that were I to believe I could succeed financially through such endeavors then it would be my preferred lifestyle. Certainly it would rank above the practice of law, currently my most likely prospect (especially since I have but one semester before graduation). Unfortunately, I find I not only would be unlikely to succeed professionally, but I cannot even pursue these interests as a hobby.

There is this deep, abiding well of creative energy somewhere inside me. I feel the pressure as it strains against the limits imposed by my personality and capabilities. I want to let it all out, and I can still recall a time when I had believed that mere desire would be sufficient to guarantee success. But now I find that every attempt meets, sooner or later, with an obstacle of undefined but ever sufficient dimensions, and I am left frustrated and exhausted. My imagination and expectations exceed the extents of my talents or determination.

One good example of this affect is my current project. Although not even my favorite idea, it is one that at least does not require talents I don't possess to complete, but even so I find progress extremely slow going. It's a novel called The Candidate, about a reality TV show. The participants compete for the opportunity to be a political candidate. I thought the premise was promising, and began writing with enthusiasm. But here we are several weeks later and I have not one more word than I wrote that first night. There's just this wall, and I don't know how to get over it.

In any case, for anyone who is interested in reading the prologue (because that's all there is), please go here and click on the file listed The Candidate Prologue. It's only five pages long, so it should make for a quick read.

EDIT: The file is hosted by a Yahoo Groups writing club that never seems to meet or post. I joined off Craigslist, but the group (like all things from there) quickly floundered. I didn't know another way to host the file, being computer illiterate as I am. Because you have to join the group to read the file, I'll understand if nobody does.

14 comments:

hallo - The Candidate sounds a good idea but I think a British TV show actually tried something like that. I didn't follow it and don't knwo if the chosen candidate stood in the end - certainly no-one was actually elected as a result of the TV programme. But a fictional version would have more going for it.

Which did you prefer - epee or foil? (I've come to the conclusion that I like epee best).

so this is my "thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog" message right?

but ive been reading random entries for the last few minutes and something ive noticed that persists in your entries.. you are going into a career you find personally unsatisfying.. specifically your personal creative needs.

i understand that youve nearly finished law school but these thoughts you have cant be new. why did you never feel you could pursue a more creatively fullfilling path?

i mean.. i'm an art history under grad who will probablly get an MA in art business rather than say "women in art" or "east asian art" because of practicality. but still, i feel its creative. why do you think it impossible to be creative yourself?

lol. . .i don't actually maintain them all, i think just my personal one, Black Salvage, and at times, "Certain Stupidity". Many of them are just there so that I can "save" the names in case i decide to use them. . . lol

First of all, thank you for visiting my weblog. I wonder how did you reach it, but I guess that’s not a big mystery, since the “by chance” search may lead you to almost anything.

Creativity is always conflictive with work. Very few are actually integrated and fulfilling as you mentioned, but it basically depends on each individual's choices and fight for improvements on lifestyle and work protocols. From the workplace to the co-workers, all is important to create a creative environment and an amusing enjoyable work. It is the proactive kind of thinking that can actually change routines and lifestyle. Don’t let yourself to be a product of the destiny and actions around you. Be whatever you think you want to be.

got to it finally. but now i'm exhausted & have to sleep. will read & post later. also, i've got lots of comments (or at least thoughts) on the whole creativity vs. working-life issue. just keep doing what you're doing for now - it's great.