Category: Loving Your 3 P’s

Hey, Ho!

Here we are in Valentine’s Day month, which may cause a twang in your heart to those of you who are divorced or about to be single. And so I thought it would be perfect timing for me to branch out as an advice columnist for the love-sick and Ready-for-Love peeps. Here, is a sneak preview of one of my first columns. Please send me your questions so that I may be of service to you!

Dear M:

I’m a 50-something single woman and I’ve given up on dating. I feel like I can’t compete with the beautiful young yoginis and cosmetically enhanced perfect-looking women. But I’m lovesick and wanting to find a wonderful life partner. What do you suggest I do to boost my confidence? I’m tired of just having a relationship with my cat.

Thank you,

Misfit Cat Lady

Dear Misfit:

First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and calling yourself a “Misfit Cat Lady” (no matter how clever that title is). You are not! How you see yourself will become a reality. Let’s call you “Ready for Love” instead.

Second, reading your letter reminded me of a poem that I read a long time ago when I was in 8th grade. It was the first piece of advice from life that I got and took to heart. Perhaps you have heard of it, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann: “..If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”

In your case, there will always be some yogini younger, cuter, and sexier or someone with bigger hair, and more expensive boobs than yours. And I bet you that they are probably feeling the same insecurities that you feel are unique to you. So buckle up, divorce your cat, get out and start playing in the world!

My guess is you probably don’t feel you are worthy of the love and adoration that you deserve — and those feelings probably existed long before in your life. In your trials and tribulations, you may have forgotten how loved you truly are and how to treat yourself with love and respect. You might even forgotten how truly sexy you are. And you constantly judge yourself for not being enough or doing it right.

Let’s turn this around, shall we?

Start with the inside:

Your inner voices need to be witnessed and loved. They are crying out for you to listen to their pain so that they can heal. Unfortunately, most of the time, you ignore, deny, or suppress them because these voices seem so pathetic to you. But all that ever does is make you feel worse about yourself.

Take out your favorite journal, and capture these voices. “Today I am in touch with….” (fill in the blank. Write out all of your sad and “whining” voice has to say, then finish it off with “I am grateful to be in touch with these feelings.”

I promise, you will experience an amazing shift inside. If you are brave, get a partner and share your writing, let them witness you. All they have to do is read your writing and respond with “I see you.” This simple act of daily writing and witnessing will start to melt away decades of shame and loneliness and will allow you to see yourself as is, and develop compassion for yourself. From there, unconditional love will blossom. Once that happens, you will start to attract different people into your life who have the capacity to have unconditional love for you. That’s what you want, isn’t it? See how this works?

After the writing, do something that makes you feel pretty and sexy. Show some skin and feel your body’s movement. Focus on feeling good and move away from the comparison thoughts.

The truth is men love women at any age and in any shape. They especially love women who love themselves.

Love, Love, Love,

M

p.s. For more support, come to my next “Hot Life Hot Love” event. You will get to see me live and ask your questions. I promise, it will change your life!

I want to tell you a story:

Ann came to my Hot Life Hot Love event last year to learn how to let love in, so that she is loved, adored, and cherished. She cried and cried during the entire weekend because she was stuck in a 20-year marriage with an unresponsive husband. After the event, as she was driving home and a guy drove fast behind her and convinced her to pull over. She finally pulled over and he said, “You are so beautiful. I want to give you my card in case you’d let me take you out for dinner.” She took it as a sign that she deserved better. Within three months she moved out, sold the house, and began to live her life. Her husband completely turned around and apologized for how he has been asleep in their marriage. Now they’re reconnecting and dating again. They are building a new loving and romantic relationship. She told me she owes it all to my event!

Want some of this? Reserve your seat now for the next Hot Life Hot Love – 2 Day Live Event!

Redefining Progress

If you are like me, you often times might have an internal dialogue that goes like this when you are working on something:

“Is this working?”

“Am I doing this right?”

“Am I making progress?”

When these questions take root in my brain what follows is a few days of doubt and even frustration that I am not progressing fast enough.

Here, inside the Mai Vu Coach community, I help my clients build a sustainable Hot Life and Hot Love and we are always looking at our progress. In my signature work, I teach my clients to distinguish and integrate the three archetypes: The Peasant, Princess, and Priestess inside them, so that they can have the love, support, success and joy that they want.

Last week a few of us had a beautiful conversation about PROGRESS, and how each of those 3 P’s thinks about it, during one our program calls. It was so powerful that I want to share it here as a resource for you all.

What we learned is that how we define progress will determine our reactions, understanding, and level of satisfaction in ourselves and our effort. It can easily defeat us or encourage and inspire us forward. To see this even deeper, read how each of your 3 archetypes think about progress. Do a mental test on which of the three you might be listening to (remember, no archetype is better than the other, we have all three, and we want to have a healthy balance of each).

She thinks of it as a flow, you might not get things done on your practicality list, but what you have done, feels really pleasing

She knows that progress is individual and group based, and it takes a community to move forward.

She asks for help and won’t do it alone.

She will do things to be recognized and to recognize the people that helped her

LOVE is her currency

Priestess Progress: (from our wise, deep knowing of wisdom from the past and clarity and foresight for the future self)

She assumes progress and knows that it is going to happen. She is very grounded.

She has a deep knowing and nothing rattles her. Meaning she has no judgement and can stand in her KNOWING, “it’s in my DNA”.

Progress doesn’t have to be HUGE, an inch can be an incredible progress for someone.

Progress is different for the Priestess: She thinks progress is when she breaks everything down and there is FREEDOM and real POWER for me. She doesn’t really care about success and safety like the way the Peasant thinks.

The point of seeing it from all three archetypes is to have a balance, and wise look of our progress, instead of being driven by our fearful limited peasant self which is typically what we are trained to listen to from an early age.

If you’d like to balance out your 3P’s, schedule a complimentary Hot Life Hot Love Discovery Session with me by filling out this short 3P’s questionnaire.

Don’t Sell Your Used Car like a Peasant

I had the most amazing experienced selling my car as The PRIESTESS yesterday.

For those of you who have never sold your own used car before, it is a very Peasant task. You have to clean your car. Put it on the street hoping someone will see it and bid on it. Then when they do, they will kick the tires and poke at the engine, asking a thousand questions, trying to take your price down. Even when your price is low they will want to go lower. This process can take days, since you might have to do this over and over with several people. Internally, you feel like crap, being pressured by their tactics, etc…

Take Charge, Like a Priestess!

I was not going to have any of that. I took the car in and had it cleaned for $25. The car was shiny and the wheels were polished! My Princess was very happy. Then I posted it on Craigslist and priced it $300 higher than the recommended price for my car. I got a ton of calls. I realized that this was going to eat up my whole day, and I can not have that.

Soooooooo…. My Priestess came up with a fun game.

Create Competition

She said “Here is how we are going to do this! At 5pm tonight she will have the car at a parking lot. For those who want to buy it, they may come and look. The first person who says yes to the price that I want, will get the car.” She listed, in the Craigslist ad, all the conditions & disclosures with the car, so everyone knew what they were buying.

The rules of this new game were announced to all the inquirers. Some said yes, “I will come” while other, weaker men were pouting and protesting. Those weaklings were ignored.

Dress Like a Priestess

When the time came, I dressed in my most radiant and powerful colors. Did my hair and make up. (My peasant was going to downgrade and wear something nice, but less powerful. My Priestess intervened with, “NO! We must command respect.”)

It’s Showtime-Selling My Car!

At 4:55 I drove my used Lexus out to the parking lot. My boyfriend met me there, and low and behold he was dressed in HIS powerful color too! It matched with mine. We didn’t even plan it. It was HOT.
There was no waiting for the action to begin. The first man came. Looked at my used Lexus. Kicked it around. Tried to find ways to bargain it down. There was nothing. He tried anyway. He offered $4500 instead of $4800 (the price I was asking for.) I said in my most elegant and loving way “No, you know the price. You know my condition. There is no haggling.”

Second man came. Saw the first man there. Whipped out a wad of cash and said “I will buy it.” I looked at the first man, and asked him “do you want it?” He said no. Then the deal was done.

It all took less than 30 minutes. FUN!

I Got More Than Double the Dealer Trade-in Amount

I felt so proud of myself. I achieved something most people don’t dare to do. Sell the car themselves and sell it at top dollar without taking on people’s grief for it. The dealership offered me $2000 for my used Lexus. Here I got $4800 for it. Yippee!

May your Peasant-self step aside and let your Princess and Priestess guide you in all your dealings in life. Got to love your 3 Ps (Peasant, Princess, Priestess selves)

She is 57 years old and has been in technology for 40 years. She has two children who are almost adults and got divorced after being married to an alcoholic for 20 years. She says, “I buried myself for the last 10 years, barely thinking I might want a companion. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years now and I am not sure that I can make a good decision regarding a man. I have a lot of pain still.”

When I saw JoEllen on Google Hangouts for the first time I was blown away, she is beautiful! Before this I imagined her as old, dumpy and raggedy from her tone of voice and the way she talked about herself. You see, the biggest thing that hangs over JoEllen’s mind and drains her of her vitality is the GUILT over leaving her marriage. Actually, it’s a GUILT-ping pong battle in her head between staying too long and not having protecting her children better over leaving him behind and breaking the marriage. It has been 5 years and she still wonders if there was one more thing she could or should have done.

During our recent 1-on-1 coaching session, JoEllen was describing her marriage and it hit me like a Mac truck, she did not have a marriage. A marriage implies two people care for each other, doing their best to give into the relationship, to nurture, to love and to hold each other. What she had was a prison sentence and through a lot of tenacity, she escaped!

That distinction was fascinating to both her and I. She was unconsciously calling what she had “a marriage” instead of seeing it for what it was: a prison term. She was held captive, abused, and neglected for twenty years. Interesting how this change in perspective busted up the guilt and shame that she was carrying in her head. Her old reference to her “marriage” really confused her when looking forward to having a new relationship with a man. Who would want another marriage or relationship if that is what you end up with, an indefinite prison term?!

JoEllen’s latest homework in the Loving Your 3P’s VIP program is to create a vision board of the kind of man and quality of relationship she wants in her life. She recently said to me, “I remember being 12 years old, having all the posters of teenage idols on my wall, dreaming of my future when my mother made me take them all down saying, ‘Stop dreaming about such things’. Now you, Mai are making me put them back up!” All I can say back to JoEllen is, “Honey, I am helping you get on your way to HOT LOVE!”

JoEllen’s story is one of many of my client’s journeys toward cultivating hot love in their lives. HOT LOVE starts with reclaiming our beauty and vitality, letting go of our guilt and should of’s, and then redefining what kind of man and relationship they we want in their lives.

Do you know anyone who is confused about their relationship, thinking they have or had a marriage but really they don’t or didn’t? If so, send them to me! We are HOT LOVE bound in 2014. We will be doing everything it takes to make love HOT. Let me help them make some miracles in their life or help them overcome resistance to change and be well on their way to having the HOT LOVE that they secretly hunger for.

Be My Hero

Who wants to be treated like a princess all the time? To be loved, adored, and cherished?

I was driving my friend Peter to BART. He was late for a meeting, it was getting late in the evening, and I needed gas. I could have gotten it after I dropped him off. But I felt safer to do it with him around, especially since I was in a strange town. So I asked if he would mind if I stopped for gas. He groaned and said “Oh gosh Mai, I am so late for my next meeting in the City.” I had a choice moment. I could have sucked it up and delivered him to BART and handled gas myself. But I gently explained to him that I could do that but I felt safer having him around. He immediately leapt into action and said “to hell with my meeting, let’s get you some gas.”
So we decided to make you this video to remind you of the choice point between being a peasant, handling everything, versus being a princess, and asking for what will support you. Believe me, there was a big voice in my head that said “Oh you can do this without him. You do this all the time. Don’t be such a baby!” The princess way, we had more fun, I felt loved and adored by him. He felt so good, he took all of that energy home to his girlfriend and served her. A win for everyone.
Cheers to your princess. May she help your peasant feel more loved and cared for.