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Friday, 20 June 2014

White Lies, a look back and a giggle

There's a phrase I love, 'lies to children,' I think it was said by Terry Pratchett. I've just been watching a comedy show and it reminded me of this lovely phrase.

Now that's not to say I condone telling lies, in general I'm quite an honest person, but, there are some lies that are necessary to life.

For example, it is necessary to the lives and genitalia of all men to always answer the question 'does my bum look big in this?' with 'no, don't be silly your gorgeous.' And there should be no pause in answering. Even though if a woman asks this question we know damn well that our arse looks huge, or we wouldn't ask.

There are lots of little lies like this that we use every day, probably without noticing. Off the top of my head I can think of several and I'm sure you can too.

However, by far the little white lies, that are the most fun. Are the lies we tell to children. Now if you've read my early posts you'll know I have a son of my own, he's nine now. So I've used most of these of a variation of them.

For quite some time children will look up at you in wonder and believe just about everything you say.

Now lets bypass the basics of little lies, when was the last time you a cow go moo? Cow's don't go moo, they make lots of noises, but we teach kids from birth that they say moo.

But as they get older, the lies get more fun, and you catch yourself using the same lies your parents used on you. Let's think of a few real good ones.

'If you tell lies to me there will be a black spot on your tongue' (We're such hypocritical bastards) and this works for quite some time they clamp their little lips together just in case we see the non-existent black spot.

Or the classic, 'if the ice cream van is playing music, it means they've run out of ice cream.' Now this one doesn't last quite as long as others. Because kids do tend to talk, so if you get several kids on a street one of the little monsters, um I mean, darlings. One of them will know the truth and it will spread like wild fire and soon you'll be forced to go and ask the nice ice cream man if he has any.

The one I had the most fun with, and what follows is a real event that I've used twice so far. But sadly it is coming to the end of it's usability so it will have to be relegated to the 'Embarrassing stories to tell prospective partners list' (Ah blackmailing you children, such fun unless it's against you).

From about November onwards if your child is being naughty, you can threaten to call Santa! This has been going on for years and I guarantee that if a child believes in Santa they have had the threat of a phone call (or letter if you want to go back far enough) being made to Santa if they don't start behaving.

In this wonderful modern age we can take things a step a step further. This is what I did. My laptop was on, it often is even when I'm not specifically doing something. My little Monster was refusing to go to bed, and as it was the beginning of December we could use this little gem. I texted a friend and made sure she had access to her computer and phone at the same time, then called her and put Monster on the phone to talk to Mrs Claws, all the while, I was sending her pm's on Facebook of what to say. The look of awe on my child's face that I had The North Poll's number on my phone was amazing. Not only did he go to bed immediately after the phone call, he did so for the rest of the week!

There are lots of little things like this parents use. I'd love to hear some of yours, mainly to see if I can use them too. :D

I hope I've braught a smile to your face today, I'll see you next time.