Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Hey Girlfriend

I know there are many times that young ladies have gone out with a guy and it has been an disaster. Either the guy is a total boob, a bore, or a pervert. I know, because when I was in high school I actually used to go out with girls.

Now I am not saying that I was a pervert with any girl, it's just that at least on one occasion I think the girl that I was with was sure I was a raving sex fiend. I took this girl to the beach, and even though it was at least eighty five degrees and sunny, I couldn't convince her to take off the shirt that she was wearing over her swim suit. For some reason, the more she refused to take it off, the more I suggested she would be cooler if she took it off. I think if she had known that I was a raging gay boy, and the last thing I was interested in was her boobies, she would have been a little less inhibited.

I even dated one girl for at least six months. That girl must have been the most patient person I have ever met, but after six months of dating and me not even attempting to get past kissing, she gave up. It's not like I didn't try, I once touched the back of her bra, but I freaked out and backed off. I mean, she actually gave me instructions on how the thing worked, and all I could think of was 'Yuck, girly parts'.

The final time I ever dated a girl, was a blind date set up by my brothers fiancé. This date was horrible. It was the longest time I ever spent with a girl. Not in actual linear time, but in the fact that one hour felt like an eternity. I was bored, she was bored. We had nothing in common, other than the fact that we both liked boys. As I sat quietly in her apartment, sweating and counting the flowers on her wallpaper, I came to the realization that dating women wasn't going to make me straight. It was only going to make me crazy.

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About Me

I live in the City of Chicago. I share my world with Mark my partner since 1997. I also share it with my dogs, Chandler, the 80 pound mutt and Scout, the terror terrier. Before moving back to Chicago, Mark and I lived in Florida for many years. Much to Mark's pain I decided to move back here so I could enjoy the thrill of flying bullets and frozen tundra. I have been around since December 1949 when I was born into a family that eventually grew to eleven children, plus Mom(Lila) and Dad(Big Al).

Disclaimer

This blog is in no way to be considered as fact. It is my remembrances of things I think happened to me, and I often exaggerate for comedic effect. The worst thing you could do, is take these stories too seriously.Please feel free to comment, good or bad.(Unless you are going to be a pest)