Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

But what if there was something that you could do to prevent her from dating someone else?

Would that even be possible?

Hmm… that is a great question.

It’s also a very complicated one.

Here Is The Truth

It’s impossible to fully prevent your ex to start dating someone new.

I mean, unless you had some sort of powers of mind control. But even then you would probably put your mind control powers to a different type of use,

So, while it’s impossible to fully prevent your ex from dating someone else there are things that you can do to drastically decrease her chances.

And that’s why I put together this little massive article for you.

Ok, the logical first step to this article is to tackle this myth of rebounds that our society has.

What Is The Myth Of Rebounds?

For the longest time I was under the impression that going on the rebound was a good thing for your chances.

I, like most people, thought that rebounds rarely stand the test of time.

Of course, when I actually tried to prove that hypothesis I was greeted with an alternate truth that shocked me a bit.

What was this truth?

I’ll tell you in a second.

First things first, it is true that rebounds rarely stand the test of time. Yes, it is possible for your ex girlfriend to go on the rebound, fall in love and eventually marry her new guy.

Is it common?

Absolutely not.

Now, there is a common belief in society that one of the worst ways to handle a breakup is to go on the rebound. However, what if I told you that society is dead wrong?

How would you feel if I did that?

Well, society is dead wrong.

According to recent research released in a study. One of the best ways to get over your ex or resolve your feelings over your past partner is to enter into what is called “a rebound relationship.”

Now, I realize this goes against everything you have probably believed growing up.

But I think the results are undeniable.

Look, I am going to level with you.

And I realize that this may sound a little arrogant but it’s something that you need to hear.

There are maybe only a handful of people who are more qualified to talk about exes than me.

I have dealt with thousands of situations.

I have helped hundreds of people get back with their exes.

I have helped hundreds of people move on from their exes.

I have conducted independent research trying to find the correlations between what works and what doesn’t work.

And one of the findings that I have stumbled across in my research is that men who have an ex girlfriend who has moved on to a new guy have a consistently harder time getting their exes back than men who have ex girlfriends who haven’t moved on.

The research I cited above might explain why.

It’s probably because moving on to someone new facilitates the growth one requires to move on from an ex.

Now, does that mean that this is always what is going to happen?

Absolutely not, there is always the grass is greener syndrome to think about. Nevertheless, it is in your best interest to do everything that you possibly can to prevent your ex girlfriend from moving on to someone else.

Why?

Because it will definitely hurt your chances of getting her back.

And yes, even if it’s deemed a rebound.

Of course, at this point you are probably sitting there wondering,

Chris, what can I even do to prevent her from moving on to some new guy?

I am glad you asked.

There is a very specific plan I want you to follow.

The Game Plan

I have this theory.

Well, maybe theory isn’t a strong enough word.

I have this very strong hypothesis that if your ex girlfriend is still fascinated by you then she isn’t going to start dating someone else.

Instead, she is going to do what I recommend that all of my female clients DON’T do.

She is going to waste her time obsessing over you.

You see, I am in a very unique position where I can give you insight into how men and women act.

How?

Well, on top of being the mastermind behind this beautiful website I am also the mastermind behind, Ex Boyfriend Recovery. It’s there that I work with female clients who tell me their deepest darkest desires relating to their exes.

So, I am in a position where I can actually step into the mind of a woman going through a break up because I deal with them all day long.

The Final Result: You get better advice on what works.

And what works is staying relevant in your exes mind by holding her interest.

Now, there are three ways you can do this,

Similarity

Arousal

Reciprocation

A few days ago I stumbled across some really amazing research where scientists were trying to determine what the most important factors were to make someone fall in love with you.

Ultimately they settled on 12 things.

Now, when I stumbled across this research I literally had a mini panic attack of excitement,

However, the thing to keep in mind here is the fact that the situation that you are in is a bit different. I think it stands to reason that it’s easier to make someone fall in love with you the first time around as opposed to the second time.

So, out of the 12 factors that scientists identified I took out all the ones that probably weren’t applicable to your situation.

Ultimately I was left with three factors.

Of course, these three factors are essential to preventing your ex from going out and dating someone else.

In fact, if you can successfully implement these three factors I would go out on a limb and say that your chances of having her move on to someone else are extremely low. Of course, no one said that implementing these factors was going to be easy.

Let’s take a look at each of these factors now.

Similarity

I have thought for a very long time on how I wanted to describe similarity to you.

In fact, I even started typing up a paragraph but no matter what I tried nothing seemed good enough.

And that’s when I remembered it.

A long time ago I watched this really interesting movie called High Fidelity.

And in it the main character mutters a phrase that kind of stuck with me throughout the years,

It’s what you like, not what you are like.

Here, in today’s day and age with YouTube at our fingertips I am sure that I can find the clip somewhere.

Ahh…

Here we go,

It’s funny how a film that is complete fiction can weave such truth into it. Anyways, the exact quote from the movie is,

I agreed that what really matters is what you like, not what you are like… Books, records, films – these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fu**in’ truth.

But when scientists identified that similarity was a component in falling in love were they only talking about things as trivial as books, records and films?

Actually yes… and no…

How similar your “likes” are to your partner definitely matters. However, scientists also identified things like attitudes, values and personality traits.

I’ll give you an example,

Your ex girlfriend is going to connect more with you if both of you are really big on having kids as opposed to only her being big on having kids.

Human beings are wired for connections.

We find meaning in them.

I’ll give you an even deeper example.

I am a huge fan of that show Game of Thrones.

In other words, my brain is wired for that connection. So, if you were to walk up to me and strike up a conversation on game of thrones I would connect to you a lot easier due to that fact.

What I want you to do is take out a piece of paper and write down things that you have in common with your ex.

I know…

I know…

Every time someone says,

“Take out a piece of paper”

I roll my eyes too.

However, this is serious business.

I want you to list your similarities out.

But I want you to do this in a very clever way.

You are going to divide this list up into three different categories,

Values

Characteristics

Miscellaneous

In fact, I’ll do this little exercise with you. Now, I am a married man so I am going to list out how my wife and I are similar throughout these three categories,

Again, I want to reiterate that we are looking at similarities here.

For example, if you determine that you have a positive outlook on life and your ex has a negative outlook then that would not be a similarity.

Of course, I still haven’t answered what you do with these similarities once you have identified them.

Well, that’s where things get really interesting.

You are going to strategically place them in your conversations with her.

I’ll give you an example.

Let’s say that I am texting my wife and I want to slip a similarity into our conversation. I would probably go with something like this,

Do you see where the similarity is?

Well, if you took the time to read the list I put together then you would notice that my wife and I are both big fans of tex mex restaurants. Therefore, I found a way to cleverly slip that into a text message.

This is the kind of thing that I want you to constantly do to your ex.

Now, don’t go overboard with it.

Sprinkle them in throughout your conversations.

You’ll find that it actually will make her open up to you a bit easier as well.

Arousal

This is really where we hit the meat of this article.

Without a doubt hitting on the arousal component of this strategy is the most likely to make sure that your ex girlfriend stays interested in you and doesn’t stray.

I suppose I should start this article off by saying that scientists have actually proven that,

Any type of situation that affects us emotionally increases the chance of falling in love.

Have you ever heard of this concept called, misattribution of emotions?

Well, the concept is fascinating.

MIT behavioral economist, Dan Ariely, did a study once where he took an audience who was listening to a band play and asked them to rate their attractiveness level before the band actually started playing. Of course, after the band played their songs the audience members were asked once again to rate each band members attractiveness level.

The results were staggering.

Each band member received a gigantic boost in attractiveness level after the songs were played.

So, why did this happen?

Well, Ariely, claims it’s due to “misattribution of emotions.”

“Sometimes we have an emotion and we don’t know where it’s coming from, so we kind of stick it on something that seems sensible.”

In other words, the audience members became aroused and emotionally affected by the songs the band was playing and stuck those emotions to the band members. Therefore, the band members appeared to be more attractive.

Now, here is where things get really interesting.

Dan Ariely, wasn’t the only scientist to discover this misattribution of emotions idea.

Men would end up having to cross a bridge. At the end of the bridge there was a female researcher who handed out her number to the men to follow up with.

The study looked at how many men would end up calling the girl.

The study seems kind of silly, huh?

Well, where it gets interesting is that the men were divided into two groups and each group had to cross two different types of bridges.

Group One had to cross this bridge,

Pretty simple, right?

Well, it gets interesting when you look at the bridge group two had to cross,

Now, out of the two groups which one do you think called the woman for a follow up discussion more?

By far, group two.

Here is an excerpt from the original scientist who conducted the study describing why they called more,

But for the men who crossed the rope bridge, anxiety and adrenaline translated into a heightened romantic interest in the assistant. Their physiological reactions affected their perceptions. …The bridge’s ability to enhance the men’s romantic attraction earned it the moniker “the love bridge” within the psychological community.

Again, this plays into the idea of misattribution of emotions.

But how can we make this concept work for us.

Well, the way I see it the misattribution of emotions theory always has a catalyst.

The Catalyst: Something has to happen to affect someone on an emotional level.

Now, from all the research I found it appears like the catalyst can be anything.

It can be a song…

It can be a movie…

It can be a freaking suspension bridge…

The key is that it has to affect someone on an emotional level.

Now, why is it important for someone to be affected emotionally.

Well, if they are affected emotionally then they are going to push those emotions towards you and ultimately make you more attractive.

So, how can we use this towards your advantage.

The Catalyst Theory

This may sound a little weird but I want you to have a list of catalysts.

Of things that you can do…

Situations that you can put your ex in…

Movies you can make her watch…

That will affect her emotionally.

Oh, and generally the more positive the emotions she feels the better.

Why?

Well, you are essentially going to inception her feelings for you using arousal to your advantage.

You’ve seen that movie inception, right?

The gist of the movie goes like this.

You basically plant an idea into someones dream to ultimately get them to take a desired action that you want them to take in real life.

Well, that’s what you are kind of doing here.

You are basically giving your ex girlfriend an experience that will arouse her and you are taking a leap of faith that she is going to associate that arousal with you.

However, it’s vitally important that you have a strong catalyst.

Remember, this has to affect her emotionally.

I’ll give you a few examples of great catalysts.

Halloween just ended so it’s still fresh on my mind but there is one thing that is very popular during halloween.

Care to take a guess at what that one thing is?

Haunted Houses!

What a great catalyst.

Let’s pretend that you convince your ex to go to a haunted house with you.

While you go on this little outing you both have ghouls, goblins, ghosts and all sorts of other scary things jumping out you.

What can affect a human woman more than that?

In fact, you may find that she constantly relies on you to protect her.

Well, when it’s all said and done she will misattrbute her emotions into you and you will appear more attractive to her.

You see, the main problem I see men having is they try to get their ex back from a logical point of view.

The only problem with this is that love isn’t logical.

Hey, I’m not judging.

I am the same type of way.

I often have to remind myself that the key to getting an ex back is tapping into the raw emotions of love within an ex.

And I have never found any better way to do that than this one.

Reciprocation

What’s the worst date you have ever been on?

Because I will put my bad dates up against anyone’s any day of the week.

Honestly, when I think back on my worst dates there are two that really stand out.

Of course, they both stand out for very different reasons.

On one of the dates my foot literally did this,

Ok, maybe it didn’t snap in half like good ole Anderson Silva up there (any UFC fans in the house?) But my foot did break on a date once and it made the date one of the most excruciating experiences of my life.

Instead of thinking about how I could charm the girl all I was thinking when she would talk to me was,

“Shut the he** up. Let’s finish this date so I can go home.

Ya, that date didn’t go well.

Nevertheless, even that horrifying experience wasn’t the worst date I have ever been on.

No, that honor goes to… wait, I forgot her name.

Jessica?

Cindy?

Jessy?

Ah, I can’t remember.

This literally happened 8 years ago so cut me a break.

It was a blonde girl. I remember that much.

Now, back then I didn’t get excited for dates that much.

Why?

Because it seemed like every girl I went out with was a disappointment.

But I remember I was very excited to take this particular girl out on a date.

She was by far one of the prettiest girls I had been on a date with and I could actually visualize a future where I could call her my girlfriend.

Now, usually before dates I don’t get that nervous.

However, on the off chance that I do then that means that I really like the person I am going on a date with.

And I was nervous for this date.

I remember I picked her up at her apartment and off we went on the date.

About midway through I realized that this girl was nothing but a stick in the mud.

I would tell a joke… she would barely crack a smile.

I would tell an engaging story… she would nod her head looking very bored.

I would prime her to open up about her life… she would give me minimal details.

What the hell was going on?

Well, I was putting a good effort in to connect with her but she wasn’t reciprocating that effort.

The result meant that we ended up on completely different wavelengths.

It turned into the worst date of my life.

I have been on a lot of dates in my life and never had this happened to me.

It leads me to my ultimate point about your ex girlfriend.

Reciprocation is important.

Take a look at this graphic,

When scientists looking into how love was formed they found that reciprocation was key. However, the funny thing about reciprocation is that it has to go both ways.

In the graphic above I clearly depict this.

So, any time your ex says or does something to prove her love to you then you need to reciprocate that love.

And this is where things get tricky.

Any time you say or do something to prove your love to her then SHE needs to reciprocate that love.

And that’s really what I want to talk about,

You see, I have no doubt that you can reciprocate your exes love.

However, I do have doubts that she will reciprocate your love.

And I think you do to.

So, what’s the best way to get her to reciprocate.

Well, I realize that this is going to sound extremely cliche but I have already given you the answer. Do you remember the graphic above I put together for you to explain how to prevent your ex from moving on to someone else?

If you don’t then here is a quick refresher,

There were three main components to this “plan.”

Similarity

Arousal

Reciprocation

Did you pay any attention to the order they were in?

Because that actually matters, a lot.

As long as you perform these actions in this order you should have no problem getting your ex to reciprocate.

What Do You Think? (19)

John

February 5, 2017

Hello this sire is dope!!! I wish i found you guys earlier!! Here it goes I was with my Gf for 3 years the last year was long distance and it was going pretty rough. Actually in my relationship i was the one that was reluctant to give my whole and my GF was always doing all the work to keep us together!!! She really loved me and wanted me like crazy. I was feeling kind of pressured from that cause I was always a pretty independent guy and i never wanted any girls for more than a few months in my life. I didnt treat her bad but she had always the impression that i was holding back. Then at some point i told her that i would like to stay in the US (im form europe)for longer and if i got jobs i couldnt say No. So having an ansure time of staing in distance I did not know how things would work for us. She told me then maybe we should break up and i told her maybe we should. We did not communicate for a week and then i got back home. I saw her 2 times on night out and spoke and hugged and part ways. After 10 days i came back to the US i called her a couple of times and basiclly told her that i still had feelings for her and that i wanted to get back with her. She told me maybe its best to stop talking cause i was getting emotional and to think what i really want! I tried to now contact her for 10 days but then came back home after a month. So that is like 2 months of break up time. I came back to my hometown and gave her a very personal present that basically and told her again that i lobe her and I apologise for not discusing with her my thought on the future. Cause i kinda pulled the plug fast. I told her i will never do the same mistake and from now on i will discuss with her openly everything. That night we had sex and she told me that during that tike she had sex with somebody but did not mean anything to her. She told me she loves me and doesnt want to loose me from her life. But she doent want to commit and doent want we to come back for her. I told her that i want to resume our relationship or start a new one. She told me that she needs time for her self!!! But then we spend every day together and had so much fun. It was even a better time that we had in the relationship!!! Now I really want her back as my GF but i have to go back to USA to continue my masters for 6 months and i dont know how to be at that time. In this time I will come back to my hometown 2 times (every 3 months) What sould i do? Should i keep contact? should i pretend to move on?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2017

Hi John,

when are you going back to usa and does she know?

Justin Johnson

February 4, 2017

Hello there I’m just done I’ve been reading your website front to back every article every line for weeks my ex fiance and I broke up January 5th of 2017 she cheated on me in November by sending topless pictures to another man I took her back and we were working on things in the month of December she said that she was the happiest she’s ever been in her entire life unfortunately we had an incident at home that led her to leaving me that incident involved in me being angry since we got engaged on April 3rd of 2016 due to the fact of secrets that were being withheld from her and myself it caused me to get very angry so for about 6 months I have been upset November she cheated and then in January we split she left me and then 2 Days Later I found out she had already slept with someone we have not been speaking for 3 weeks we have seen each other at church I have begged for her back I have done all the wrong things today I am going to go get my things from our home and move out because that’s what she requested reminder standing she is still seeing this guy she has blocked me from all forms of communication other than email she only responds to the emails in regards to getting my things out transferring the bills etc. We have not talked about anything else I have enrolled in counseling and anger management and honestly over the last few weeks I do feel like I’m a better person have my a changed person in 3 weeks not even close but I feel like I have a better control and a handle on my emotions my question is what do I do this is absolutely the love of my life her son I have gray since he was a baby he’s now three years old we have been through hell and back together we always came out stronger what can I do to show her that our love can still remain true what can I do to show her that there is still a chance for us to pull through this

Justin Johnson

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017

Hi justin,

you didnt send email in the last weeks too? Aside from counseling, which is good, what else did you improve? Were you active in posting in social media?

Ej

January 10, 2017

I bought the ex recovery pro but still have a problem on what to do My ex left me because she said she fall out of love and she fell for a guy. Hey, I’m a lesbian by the way. So yes, that’s what happened. She said she want to have a family and a child cause she’s already 28.

We agreed to be friends that’s why she’s still texting me and updating on what she is doing but deep inside me I want her back.

She said that she has a boyfriend already, the guy that I’m talking about. But it is so confusing that I didn’t see any picture of them together. I mean I can’t guarantee if they are really together already. But that is what she said and I know that their feeling is mutual. But still she’s texting me to keep safe, to eat my breakfast, etc. I’m really confused!

I’m not texting her back because I started 21 days NCR about 3 days ago. But she’s texting my father asking about me and she’s saying that she thinks she need to stop texting me so I can really move on. Hey, I don’t want her to stop texting me. What should I do? And by the way, we are LDR. So I really need your help here. Thanks.

EGR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017

Hi Ej,

Right now, focus on what you can control, yourself.. Be active in improving yourself because she will compare you to him.. if she can see that you’re starting to move, she would probably take a chance on starting out as friends again..

Ross

November 27, 2016

My fiance started seeing another guy (dating and kissing – no sex). She came clean, and after an initial attempt to patch things up she decided to leave. Her reason? That she loves me, is in love with me, that I am, and always be, the love of her life, that I am the best thing that ever happened to her, but that she knows that she could hurt me again and that she does not what that to happen again. She says that in her life she had never wanted to get married or settle down, but meeting me changed that. After we got engaged she freaked out a bit about this, and this is why she allowed herself to see someone else.

I begged for a day, but have since started the no contact rule, but the situation as described above feels much different to the usual kind of break up. She had said before NC that she misses me too, but that this is for the best. Would you suggest NC in this situation?

EGR Team Member: Amor

It’s not a guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if she’s afraid to commit she has to to see you as the alpha male..she has to think you have your own life..

Ross

November 24, 2016

Hi, I’m commenting because I just want to write my story. Our break up is still fresh and I just want to write everything down somewhere. I have just discovered this website and have only read a few articles so far. The NC rule seems like a good shot, but I haven’t read enough about it yet. From some of the other comments I read, it is clear that there are facets to the NC rule that I have not yet read. But for now, I just want to write our story as I think it would be therapy for me.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years (well, it would have been 4 in January). We met back in my home country where she had moved to learn English. I was looking for a room-mate and she was the first person who applied. I had had trouble with screening potential room-mates before and was so fed up with the process. So, I had decided to accept the first person who wanted the room. And that’s how we met.

We had a lot of interests in common and hit it off as friends instantly, which is unusual for me as I have a hard time making friends (this will come up again later). We liked the same music, films, clothes shops, pubs, etc. And we both loved the city we were living in. We used the things which we didn’t have in common to broaden each other’s horizons. By the end of the year we were going out almost every weekend and then spending the recovery day lying on the two couches in the sitting room watching reruns of Friends. It was at this time that I developed feelings for her. She was planning on moving home (continental Europe) at the beginning of the year. I decided not to say anything because a) I would get over it, eventually, and b) a lot of people in her life were expressing feelings for her in the knowledge that she would soon be leaving. I didn’t want to be just another one of these rejections. I also didn’t want her to feel as if I had tarnished our friendship. Anyway, she moved home in January, and then a week later she sent me a long email EXPRESSING FEELINGS FOR ME!

From this moment we were madly in love. We would fly out to visit each other once per month. I had never been happier. At the time we were both starting college as mature students in our respective countries (she needed a second language to enrol, hence her time in my country). Her degree would be 4 years, but mine only a year and a half. Neither of us was keen on a long distance relationship, but I promised that if I still felt the same way about her after finishing college I would move to her country.

And that is what happened. At first we lived with her parents, but after a few months we got our own place together. I was completely helpless though as I did not speak the language and relied on her for everything. Before this week I had thought that the hardest thing I had ever done was to move to a new career in a new country where I did not speak the language. Her support for me throughout this was amazing.

As time passed we discussed the possibility of marriage and kids. Not as something we wanted to do immediately, but more in the context of ‘I would never move to another country to be with someone if I didn’t see it as a long, long, long-term thing’. And all this year the possibility of us marrying kept on being raised – by her, by me, by her friends, etc. We went to Greece in September and I proposed at sunrise on the harbour. She immediately said ‘YES’ and we spent the rest of the holiday in some kind of happy, glowing stupor.

And now I’ll take a step back to fill in some details that have been glossed over about my time in this country. When I originally went back to college it was with the intention of changing career. I had been working in banking for 5 years and had hated every minute. I would have had to build my career there around networking and being a people person, which, really, I am not. I won’t go into details about what my new chosen profession is, but suffice to say I believed that it would best utilize the skills I do have, that I could enjoy it (I do) and that I could use it to do something worthwhile (I will).

Fortunately, there are jobs in this country for fluent English speakers in my chosen profession, although not as much as if I was fluent in the native tongue. But I did get a good job with one huge problem. Hours of commuting per day. I hate commuting and for two years I was not at my best because of it. On top of the hours spend commuting I also wanted to spend time furthering my skills in my chosen profession at home. I had arrived late to this profession and felt I had a lot of catch up to do. (I’m now 35 by the way, she’s 31) The benefit to this was that we could study together, but it meant that we had very little free time to ourselves. We went out occasionally, cooked together occasionally, binge-watched Friends or some other show occasionally. Nothing regular.

The commuting was making me depressed. I couldn’t see any jobs that were suitable for me within a close enough distance. I didn’t want us to move to another town as that would mean that she would have to commute to college and to her job. I wanted to go back home. I missed my friends and my city. But she fought for me. She made me apply to jobs that I thought I had no chance of getting and amazingly I got a new job, just down the road. Not just any job but my IDEAL job. The job that I had pictured to myself while I had studying in my spare time for the last two years. I owe her so much for this.

I started two months ago when we came back from Greece after our engagement. I kept on studying in my spare time. And I had a lot of spare time that I hadn’t had before due to no commuting. We didn’t spend more time together, because I forgot that we were supposed too. Although she was researching for her thesis too. But anyway. We started making wedding plans. The pressure of her thesis, the cost of a wedding, the politics of who not to invite in order to keep costs down, grew and grew. I wanted to get married next year and made that clear. She did too, but felt there was not enough time to arrange everything and to save the required money. She want to wait until 2018. I pushed back. We never really sorted it out and we just stopped planning.

I knew there was a problem developing but I failed to address it. I wanted to address it but never took the steps. She started hanging out with a guy at college. They went out a few times, which to me should be fine. I trust her. And she has plenty of male friends and I have plenty of female friends. Why can’t somebody be trusted to have the freedom to spend time with someone else, regardless of the someone else’s sex? That doesn’t mean I wasn’t jealous. I was, but I didn’t like being jealous. I felt she should be free to spend her time how she pleased. It had never been a problem before. I wanted to tell her of my jealousy, but did not. I was afraid of the confrontation. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t trust her. Jealousy and trust aren’t mutually exclusive. I know this. She knows this. But still I didn’t bring it up. This has all been in the last few weeks. Less than a month.

Last Wednesday she told me that she had feelings for this guy. She told me that she loved me (was IN love with me), that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her, but that she would only hurt me again. That she was capable of this. She told me that throughout her life she had never wanted to get married or settle down. When she met me, she realised that I was someone she would happily spend her life with. But now she wanted to return to her previous conviction. She wants to be alone. She also felt that even though I have been in this country for two and a half years, I had never really arrived. I don’t speak the language very well yet, I haven’t made friends here and some of the differences between our countries are too much for me. (There are varying levels of truth to each of these accusations).

On Friday she came back, she wanted to make it work. We slept together and discussed all the things that we never had discussed, but probably should have. It felt weird to me. I loved her still, but I had lost trust. I wasn’t as comfortable with her as I had been before. We decided to just spend some time apart to collect ourselves. She needed this as she really did not know what she wanted. I wanted to be with her, and wanted us to go to couples counselling.

On Monday she broke it off. She says that she loves me, that she misses me, but that she wants it to be over and she is leaving. She says she will only hurt me. She says that she sometimes makes the wrong decision and because of that she will hurt me in the future, just as she has hurt me now. She will continue seeing this other guy. She doesn’t expect it to last. She says I will always be the great love of her life. It doesn’t make sense. It hurts.

Now I have the problem that I am living in a country in which I have developed no support network that doesn’t involve her, her family or her friends. I want to get at least 6 months experience in my job so that will look good on my CV, but that means leaving in March/April. I don’t need to get to the gym, because that is something that I was already on top of. But when I look at everything else in my life here I just see a mess. I would let my hair get too long before cutting it. I haven’t bought decent new clothes at a regular enough rate since I moved her, so now my wardrobe is a mess of tatters and rags. Too much time spent on Twitter worrying about Brexit/Trump (liberal echo chamber). I don’t get out enough. There is a whole continent at my feet and I have barely left this town except when I was dragged. I have no social media presence here that she would see. Making Facebook posts for the first time since we have known each other would seem too obvious an attempt to get her attention. My language skills here are erratic, although I signed up for a course today. Turns out I am ready to take a course in this language at the highest level for non native speakers (C1 on the CEFR scale), so I do have some ability, but it is very rough around the edges.

I haven’t said anything to her since Tuesday, besides necessities regarding our shared apartment and car (she’s at her parents). I have said everything I can say at this point. I feel that any new point I could make would just be a rehash of some old point I already made. I feel its over and she won’t come back. She said its over. It’s not that she is stubborn (she is a small bit, not in a bad way), but I feel that she has made up her mind for good. I read the success stories on this website and I imagine it happening to us and it feels good. But I don’t think it will happen. I am just picturing myself measuring the rest of my life in the numbers of years since she left.

I haven’t included absolutely everything of relevance to this story. Some of the things which are relevant are too personal – either for me or for her or for both of us – to be shared here. Even as an anonymous comment.

EGR Team Member: Amor

November 30, 2016

Hi saif,

you mean you would keep talking to her? There’s a risk you would be friendzoned..

John

November 21, 2016

Hey guys, My ex girlfriend and i broke up a month and half ago. (she broke up with me). I found out through her sister that she really broke up with me because she fell out of love with me, Her first reason was that she needed time to discover who she was. She told me she loved me but was not in love with me. Anyways i applied the 30 day no contact, then the text messages and even a phone call. The text messages she would reply after a while but last night we texted for a long time and it was great. Our last phone call was about our phone bill, that convo turned into a 36 min call with her asking how i was and making her laugh like old time. Long story short ive been trying to set up a face to face over coffee and using our dog as the reason, i have not seeing him since the break up. She last told me she would Rain check because she would not be in town that day.

I have found out that she has been talking to this other guy, face timing, likeing each others pics with comments like my queen and her with my king, hearts etc. (hes military, stationed somewhere else). My question is What do i do. Should i win her back or what? ive been thinking when we do me up for myself to open up let her know my mistakes and wish her the best. Not begging to take me back or to date, simply put the ball in her court. PLEASE HELP ANYBODY. i was going to propose in january to this girl.

EGR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2016

Hi John

well, it’s your decision if you still want to try. Did you improve yourself during nc? Are you still continuing to improve yourself? If she compares you the current you to the other guy, you have to appear better. Whether that’s physically or conversationally.

John

November 21, 2016

Hey guys, My ex girlfriend and i broke up a month and half ago. (she broke up with me). I found out through her sister that she really broke up with me because she fell out of love with me, Her first reason was that she needed time to discover who she was. She told me she loved me but was not in love with me. Anyways i applied the 30 day no contact, then the text messages and even a phone call. The text messages she would reply after a while but last night we texted for a long time and it was great. Our last phone call was about our phone bill, that convo turned into a 36 min call with her asking how i was and making her laugh like old time. Long story short ive been trying to set up a face to face over coffee and using our dog as the reason, i have not seeing him since the break up. She last told me she would Rain check because she would not be in town that day.

I have found out that she has been talking to this other guy, face timing, likeing each others pics with comments like my queen and her with my king, hearts etc. (hes military, stationed somewhere else). My question is What do i do. Should i win her back or what? ive been thinking when we do me up for myself to open up let her know my mistakes and wish her the best. Not begging to take me back or to date, simply put the ball in her court. PLEASE HELP ANYBODY. i was going to propose in juanuary to this girl.

EGR Team Member: Amor

November 21, 2016

Hi John

well, it’s your decision if you still want to try. Did you improve yourself during nc? Are you still continuing to improve yourself? If she compares you the current you to the other guy, you have to appear better. Whether that’s physically or conversationally.