Damnit Hippies

I am not one of you. I thought I was. We all think we are: vegetarians, libertarians, democratic-leaning voters. Those of us who shun fast food and Wal-Mart. Well, damn it all.

So, here is another one of my many installments calling out hippy bullshit.

Agave Nectar. I don’t fucking get it. Last night I went to Spiral Diner in Ft. Worth Texas. It’s 100% Vegan. Their tap-water is environmentally purified and it’s the only water they use in cooking – trust me, Ft. Worth’s tap water tastes muddy and foul. Spiral Diner has gluten-free options wherever applicable. They have agave nectar sodas on free-refill fountains instead of our customary HFCS sodas. Their roobios ice teas are free, like their purified water. They have local and organic brews on sale.

Double-take on that agave soda. I’ve heard about it, but I never bought. Explain why I should hippies:

Agave’s have been cultivated for centuries by native people. It has a low-glycemic load. Agave syrup contains saponin and fructans, which have anti-inflammatory properties. The Aztecs even it them to treat wounds.

Agave’s have been cultivated for centuries, but agave nectar only came about in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. The science behind agave nectar more closely resembles high fructose corn syrup, specifically using enzymes to break down starches into pure fructose. What’s natural about fructose? Not a whole lot. The low glycemic index? Sure, just like artificial sweeteners and other glycemic load tricksters. They’re processed differently than pure sugar. So unlike the punch to the gut you get from consuming 150 calories of granulated sugar, 150 calories of agave nectar will leave you hungry, craving more food and getting fatter.

So what the hell is the fad about agave nectar? It seems like the Acai berry diet pills or whatever idiots buy that appear in stores every other month. It’s just a cleverly marketed and dubious fake-food ploy propagated by the no-reading hippy dumb-dumbs.