5 tips to avoid office party humiliation

Forget New Year, late November is the time to make the really important resolutions. Discipline and self-control are required to negotiate the office Christmas party without disgracing yourself. Remember what happened last year? No, you can’t; that’s the problem. Follow a few basic rules to avoid shame.

Limit your alcohol intake. This usually means avoiding the punch, that wickedly potent concoction that has spelt doom for many a PA or sales manager. If you don’t want to look like a prude, stick an ice cube and a slice of lime in some fizzy water and murmur "mmm, gin, love it."

Don’t speak to your boss. At all. You may think you are offering an incisive assessment of the company’s shortcomings. All they are hearing is a belligerent rant.

Flirtation is unwise. Remember you have to face these people in the office five days a week for the rest of the year. Keeping relationships strictly professional is the best recipe for workplace sanity. So give the mistletoe a wide berth.

Don’t try to be a laid-back entertainer. Telling off-colour jokes, singing or attempting a dance routine are all ways to ensure you will be the laughing-stock of the office, not to mention YouTube and Facebook, for the few months that remain before you resign and attempt to start a new life in Australia.

The photocopier is for documents. Its ability to scan and print parts of the human anatomy is disappointing, frankly. Not to mention the fact that the fragile glass screen is not designed to support the average human frame.