XI `LIKE SUMMER TEMPESTS CAME HIS TEARS'

The Rat put out a neat little brown paw, gripped Toad firmly by
the scruff of the neck, and gave a great hoist and a pull; and
the water-logged Toad came up slowly but surely over the edge of
the hole, till at last he stood safe and sound in the hall,
streaked with mud and weed to be sure, and with the water
streaming off him, but happy and high-spirited as of old, now
that he found himself once more in the house of a friend, and
dodgings and evasions were over, and he could lay aside a
disguise that was unworthy of his position and wanted such a lot
of living up to.

`O, Ratty!' he cried. `I've been through such times since I saw
you last, you can't think! Such trials, such sufferings, and all
so nobly borne! Then such escapes, such disguises such
subterfuges, and all so cleverly planned and carried out! Been
in prison--got out of it, of course! Been thrown into a canal--
swam ashore! Stole a horse--sold him for a large sum of money!
Humbugged everybody--made 'em all do exactly what I wanted! Oh,
I AM a smart Toad, and no mistake! What do you think my last
exploit was? Just hold on till I tell you----'

`Toad,' said the Water Rat, gravely and firmly, `you go off
upstairs at once, and take off that old cotton rag that looks as
if it might formerly have belonged to some washerwoman, and clean
yourself thoroughly, and put on some of my clothes, and try and
come down looking like a gentleman if you CAN; for a more
shabby, bedraggled, disreputable-looking object than you are I
never set eyes on in my whole life! Now, stop swaggering and
arguing, and be off! I'll have something to say to you later!'

Toad was at first inclined to stop and do some talking back at
him. He had had enough of being ordered about when he was in
prison, and here was the thing being begun all over again,
apparently; and by a Rat, too! However, he caught sight of
himself in the looking-glass over the hat-stand, with the
rusty black bonnet perched rakishly over one eye, and he changed
his mind and went very quickly and humbly upstairs to the Rat's
dressing-room. There he had a thorough wash and brush-up,
changed his clothes, and stood for a long time before the glass,
contemplating himself with pride and pleasure, and thinking what
utter idiots all the people must have been to have ever mistaken
him for one moment for a washerwoman.

By the time he came down again luncheon was on the table, and
very glad Toad was to see it, for he had been through some trying
experiences and had taken much hard exercise since the excellent
breakfast provided for him by the gipsy. While they ate Toad
told the Rat all his adventures, dwelling chiefly on his own
cleverness, and presence of mind in emergencies, and cunning in
tight places; and rather making out that he had been having a gay
and highly-coloured experience. But the more he talked and
boasted, the more grave and silent the Rat became.

When at last Toad had talked himself to a standstill, there was
silence for a while; and then the Rat said, `Now, Toady, I don't
want to give you pain, after all you've been through
already; but, seriously, don't you see what an awful ass you've
been making of yourself? On your own admission you have been
handcuffed, imprisoned, starved, chased, terrified out of your
life, insulted, jeered at, and ignominiously flung into the
water--by a woman, too! Where's the amusement in that? Where
does the fun come in? And all because you must needs go and
steal a motor-car. You know that you've never had anything but
trouble from motor-cars from the moment you first set eyes on
one. But if you WILL be mixed up with them--as you generally
are, five minutes after you've started--why STEAL them? Be a
cripple, if you think it's exciting; be a bankrupt, for a change,
if you've set your mind on it: but why choose to be a convict?
When are you going to be sensible, and think of your friends, and
try and be a credit to them? Do you suppose it's any pleasure to
me, for instance, to hear animals saying, as I go about, that I'm
the chap that keeps company with gaol-birds?'

Now, it was a very comforting point in Toad's character that he
was a thoroughly good-hearted animal and never minded being
jawed by those who were his real friends. And even when
most set upon a thing, he was always able to see the other side
of the question. So although, while the Rat was talking so
seriously, he kept saying to himself mutinously, `But it WAS
fun, though! Awful fun!' and making strange suppressed noises
inside him, k-i-ck-ck-ck, and poop-p-p, and other sounds
resembling stifled snorts, or the opening of soda-water bottles,
yet when the Rat had quite finished, he heaved a deep sigh and
said, very nicely and humbly, `Quite right, Ratty! How SOUND
you always are! Yes, I've been a conceited old ass, I can quite
see that; but now I'm going to be a good Toad, and not do it any
more. As for motor-cars, I've not been at all so keen about them
since my last ducking in that river of yours. The fact is, while
I was hanging on to the edge of your hole and getting my breath,
I had a sudden idea--a really brilliant idea--connected with
motor-boats--there, there! don't take on so, old chap, and stamp,
and upset things; it was only an idea, and we won't talk any more
about it now. We'll have our coffee, AND a smoke, and a quiet
chat, and then I'm going to stroll quietly down to Toad
Hall, and get into clothes of my own, and set things going again
on the old lines. I've had enough of adventures. I shall lead a
quiet, steady, respectable life, pottering about my property, and
improving it, and doing a little landscape gardening at times.
There will always be a bit of dinner for my friends when they
come to see me; and I shall keep a pony-chaise to jog about the
country in, just as I used to in the good old days, before I got
restless, and wanted to DO things.'

`Stroll quietly down to Toad Hall?' cried the Rat, greatly
excited. `What are you talking about? Do you mean to say you
haven't HEARD?'

`Do you mean to tell me,' shouted the Rat, thumping with his
little fist upon the table, `that you've heard nothing about the
Stoats and Weasels?'

What, the Wild Wooders?' cried Toad, trembling in every limb.
`No, not a word! What have they been doing?'

`--And how they've been and taken Toad Hall?' continued the Rat.

Toad leaned his elbows on the table, and his chin on his paws;
and a large tear welled up in each of his eyes, overflowed and
splashed on the table, plop! plop!

`Go on, Ratty,' he murmured presently; `tell me all. The worst
is over. I am an animal again. I can bear it.'

`When you--got--into that--that--trouble of yours,' said the Rat,
slowly and impressively; `I mean, when you--disappeared from
society for a time, over that misunderstanding about a--a
machine, you know--'

Toad merely nodded.

`Well, it was a good deal talked about down here, naturally,'
continued the Rat, `not only along the river-side, but even in
the Wild Wood. Animals took sides, as always happens. The
River-bankers stuck up for you, and said you had been infamously
treated, and there was no justice to be had in the land nowadays.
But the Wild Wood animals said hard things, and served you right,
and it was time this sort of thing was stopped. And they got
very cocky, and went about saying you were done for this
time! You would never come back again, never, never!'

Toad nodded once more, keeping silence.

`That's the sort of little beasts they are,' the Rat went on.
`But Mole and Badger, they stuck out, through thick and thin,
that you would come back again soon, somehow. They didn't know
exactly how, but somehow!'

Toad began to sit up in his chair again, and to smirk a little.

`They argued from history,' continued the Rat. `They said that
no criminal laws had ever been known to prevail against cheek and
plausibility such as yours, combined with the power of a long
purse. So they arranged to move their things in to Toad Hall,
and sleep there, and keep it aired, and have it all ready for you
when you turned up. They didn't guess what was going to happen,
of course; still, they had their suspicions of the Wild Wood
animals. Now I come to the most painful and tragic part of my
story. One dark night--it was a VERY dark night, and blowing
hard, too, and raining simply cats and dogs--a band of weasels,
armed to the teeth, crept silently up the carriage-drive to the
front entrance. Simultaneously, a body of desperate
ferrets, advancing through the kitchen-garden, possessed
themselves of the backyard and offices; while a company of
skirmishing stoats who stuck at nothing occupied the conservatory
and the billiard-room, and held the French windows opening on to
the lawn.

`The Mole and the Badger were sitting by the fire in the smoking-
room, telling stories and suspecting nothing, for it wasn't a
night for any animals to be out in, when those bloodthirsty
villains broke down the doors and rushed in upon them from every
side. They made the best fight they could, but what was the
good? They were unarmed, and taken by surprise, and what can two
animals do against hundreds? They took and beat them severely
with sticks, those two poor faithful creatures, and turned them
out into the cold and the wet, with many insulting and uncalled-
for remarks!'

Here the unfeeling Toad broke into a snigger, and then pulled
himself together and tried to look particularly solemn.

`And the Wild Wooders have been living in Toad Hall ever since,'
continued the Rat; `and going on simply anyhow! Lying in bed
half the day, and breakfast at all hours, and the place in
such a mess (I'm told) it's not fit to be seen! Eating your
grub, and drinking your drink, and making bad jokes about you,
and singing vulgar songs, about--well, about prisons and
magistrates, and policemen; horrid personal songs, with no humour
in them. And they're telling the tradespeople and everybody that
they've come to stay for good.'

`O, have they!' said Toad getting up and seizing a stick. `I'll
jolly soon see about that!'

`It's no good, Toad!' called the Rat after him. `You'd better
come back and sit down; you'll only get into trouble.'

But the Toad was off, and there was no holding him. He marched
rapidly down the road, his stick over his shoulder, fuming and
muttering to himself in his anger, till he got near his front
gate, when suddenly there popped up from behind the palings a
long yellow ferret with a gun.

`Who comes there?' said the ferret sharply.

`Stuff and nonsense!' said Toad, very angrily. `What do you mean
by talking like that to me? Come out of that at once, or
I'll----'

The ferret said never a word, but he brought his gun up to
his shoulder. Toad prudently dropped flat in the road, and
BANG! a bullet whistled over his head.

The startled Toad scrambled to his feet and scampered off down
the road as hard as he could; and as he ran he heard the ferret
laughing and other horrid thin little laughs taking it up and
carrying on the sound.

He went back, very crestfallen, and told the Water Rat.

`What did I tell you?' said the Rat. `It's no good. They've got
sentries posted, and they are all armed. You must just wait.'

Still, Toad was not inclined to give in all at once. So he got
out the boat, and set off rowing up the river to where the garden
front of Toad Hall came down to the waterside.

Arriving within sight of his old home, he rested on his oars and
surveyed the land cautiously. All seemed very peaceful and
deserted and quiet. He could see the whole front of Toad Hall,
glowing in the evening sunshine, the pigeons settling by twos and
threes along the straight line of the roof; the garden, a blaze
of flowers; the creek that led up to the boat-house, the little
wooden bridge that crossed it; all tranquil, uninhabited,
apparently waiting for his return. He would try the boat-house
first, he thought. Very warily he paddled up to the mouth of the
creek, and was just passing under the bridge,
when . . . CRASH!

A great stone, dropped from above, smashed through the bottom of
the boat. It filled and sank, and Toad found himself struggling
in deep water. Looking up, he saw two stoats leaning over the
parapet of the bridge and watching him with great glee. `It will
be your head next time, Toady!' they called out to him. The
indignant Toad swam to shore, while the stoats laughed and
laughed, supporting each other, and laughed again, till they
nearly had two fits--that is, one fit each, of course.

The Toad retraced his weary way on foot, and related his
disappointing experiences to the Water Rat once more.

`Well, WHAT did I tell you?' said the Rat very crossly. `And,
now, look here! See what you've been and done! Lost me my boat
that I was so fond of, that's what you've done! And simply
ruined that nice suit of clothes that I lent you! Really,
Toad, of all the trying animals--I wonder you manage to keep any
friends at all!'

The Toad saw at once how wrongly and foolishly he had acted. He
admitted his errors and wrong-headedness and made a full apology
to Rat for losing his boat and spoiling his clothes. And he
wound up by saying, with that frank self-surrender which always
disarmed his friend's criticism and won them back to his side,
`Ratty! I see that I have been a headstrong and a wilful Toad!
Henceforth, believe me, I will be humble and submissive, and will
take no action without your kind advice and full approval!'

`If that is really so,' said the good-natured Rat, already
appeased, `then my advice to you is, considering the lateness of
the hour, to sit down and have your supper, which will be on the
table in a minute, and be very patient. For I am convinced that
we can do nothing until we have seen the Mole and the Badger, and
heard their latest news, and held conference and taken their
advice in this difficult matter.'

`Oh, ah, yes, of course, the Mole and the Badger,' said Toad,
lightly. `What's become of them, the dear fellows? I had
forgotten all about them.'

`Well may you ask!' said the Rat reproachfully. `While you were
riding about the country in expensive motor-cars, and galloping
proudly on blood-horses, and breakfasting on the fat of the land,
those two poor devoted animals have been camping out in the open,
in every sort of weather, living very rough by day and lying very
hard by night; watching over your house, patrolling your
boundaries, keeping a constant eye on the stoats and the weasels,
scheming and planning and contriving how to get your property
back for you. You don't deserve to have such true and loyal
friends, Toad, you don't, really. Some day, when it's too late,
you'll be sorry you didn't value them more while you had them!'

`I'm an ungrateful beast, I know,' sobbed Toad, shedding bitter
tears. `Let me go out and find them, out into the cold, dark
night, and share their hardships, and try and prove by----Hold on
a bit! Surely I heard the chink of dishes on a tray! Supper's
here at last, hooray! Come on, Ratty!'

The Rat remembered that poor Toad had been on prison fare
for a considerable time, and that large allowances had therefore
to be made. He followed him to the table accordingly, and
hospitably encouraged him in his gallant efforts to make up for
past privations.

They had just finished their meal and resumed their arm-chairs,
when there came a heavy knock at the door.

Toad was nervous, but the Rat, nodding mysteriously at him, went
straight up to the door and opened it, and in walked Mr. Badger.

He had all the appearance of one who for some nights had been
kept away from home and all its little comforts and conveniences.
His shoes were covered with mud, and he was looking very rough
and touzled; but then he had never been a very smart man, the
Badger, at the best of times. He came solemnly up to Toad, shook
him by the paw, and said, `Welcome home, Toad! Alas! what am I
saying? Home, indeed! This is a poor home-coming. Unhappy
Toad!' Then he turned his back on him, sat down to the table,
drew his chair up, and helped himself to a large slice of cold
pie.

Toad was quite alarmed at this very serious and portentous style
of greeting; but the Rat whispered to him, `Never mind;
don't take any notice; and don't say anything to him just yet.
He's always rather low and despondent when he's wanting his
victuals. In half an hour's time he'll be quite a different
animal.'

So they waited in silence, and presently there came another and a
lighter knock. The Rat, with a nod to Toad, went to the door and
ushered in the Mole, very shabby and unwashed, with bits of hay
and straw sticking in his fur.

`Hooray! Here's old Toad!' cried the Mole, his face beaming.
`Fancy having you back again!' And he began to dance round him.
`We never dreamt you would turn up so soon! Why, you must have
managed to escape, you clever, ingenious, intelligent Toad!'

The Rat, alarmed, pulled him by the elbow; but it was too late.
Toad was puffing and swelling already.

`Clever? O, no!' he said. `I'm not really clever, according to
my friends. I've only broken out of the strongest prison in
England, that's all! And captured a railway train and escaped on
it, that's all! And disguised myself and gone about the country
humbugging everybody, that's all! O, no! I'm a stupid ass,
I am! I'll tell you one or two of my little adventures, Mole,
and you shall judge for yourself!'

`Well, well,' said the Mole, moving towards the supper-table;
`supposing you talk while I eat. Not a bite since breakfast! O
my! O my!' And he sat down and helped himself liberally to cold
beef and pickles.

Toad straddled on the hearth-rug, thrust his paw into his
trouser-pocket and pulled out a handful of silver. `Look at
that!' he cried, displaying it. `That's not so bad, is it, for a
few minutes' work? And how do you think I done it, Mole? Horse-
dealing! That's how I done it!'

`Go on, Toad,' said the Mole, immensely interested.

`Toad, do be quiet, please!' said the Rat. `And don't you egg
him on, Mole, when you know what he is; but please tell us as
soon as possible what the position is, and what's best to be
done, now that Toad is back at last.'

`The position's about as bad as it can be,' replied the Mole
grumpily; `and as for what's to be done, why, blest if I know!
The Badger and I have been round and round the place, by
night and by day; always the same thing. Sentries posted
everywhere, guns poked out at us, stones thrown at us; always an
animal on the look-out, and when they see us, my! how they do
laugh! That's what annoys me most!'

`It's a very difficult situation,' said the Rat, reflecting
deeply. `But I think I see now, in the depths of my mind, what
Toad really ought to do. I will tell you. He ought to----'

`No, he oughtn't!' shouted the Mole, with his mouth full.
`Nothing of the sort! You don't understand. What he ought to do
is, he ought to----'

`Well, I shan't do it, anyway!' cried Toad, getting excited.
`I'm not going to be ordered about by you fellows! It's my house
we're talking about, and I know exactly what to do, and I'll tell
you. I'm going to----'

By this time they were all three talking at once, at the top of
their voices, and the noise was simply deafening, when a thin,
dry voice made itself heard, saying, `Be quiet at once, all of
you!' and instantly every one was silent.

It was the Badger, who, having finished his pie, had turned round
in his chair and was looking at them severely. When he saw that
he had secured their attention, and that they were evidently
waiting for him to address them, he turned back to the table
again and reached out for the cheese. And so great was the
respect commanded by the solid qualities of that admirable
animal, that not another word was uttered until he had quite
finished his repast and brushed the crumbs from his knees. The
Toad fidgeted a good deal, but the Rat held him firmly down.

When the Badger had quite done, he got up from his seat and stood
before the fireplace, reflecting deeply. At last he spoke.

`Toad!' he said severely. `You bad, troublesome little animal!
Aren't you ashamed of youself? What do you think your father, my
old friend, would have said if he had been here to-night, and had
known of all your goings on?'

Toad, who was on the sofa by this time, with his legs up, rolled
over on his face, shaken by sobs of contrition.

`There, there!' went on the Badger, more kindly. `Never mind.
Stop crying. We're going to let bygones be bygones, and try and
turn over a new leaf. But what the Mole says is quite true. The
stoats are on guard, at every point, and they make the best
sentinels in the world. It's quite useless to think of attacking
the place. They're too strong for us.'

`Then it's all over,' sobbed the Toad, crying into the sofa
cushions. `I shall go and enlist for a soldier, and never see my
dear Toad Hall any more!'

`Come, cheer up, Toady!' said the Badger. `There are more ways
of getting back a place than taking it by storm. I haven't said
my last word yet. Now I'm going to tell you a great secret.'

Toad sat up slowly and dried his eyes. Secrets had an immense
attraction for him, because he never could keep one, and he
enjoyed the sort of unhallowed thrill he experienced when he went
and told another animal, after having faithfully promised not to.

`There--is--an--underground--passage,' said the Badger,
impressively, `that leads from the river-bank, quite near here,
right up into the middle of Toad Hall.'

`O, nonsense! Badger,' said Toad, rather airily. `You've been
listening to some of the yarns they spin in the public-houses
about here. I know every inch of Toad Hall, inside and out.
Nothing of the sort, I do assure you!'

`My young friend,' said the Badger, with great severity, `your
father, who was a worthy animal--a lot worthier than some others
I know--was a particular friend of mine, and told me a great deal
he wouldn't have dreamt of telling you. He discovered that
passage--he didn't make it, of course; that was done hundreds of
years before he ever came to live there--and he repaired it and
cleaned it out, because he thought it might come in useful some
day, in case of trouble or danger; and he showed it to me.
"Don't let my son know about it," he said. "He's a good boy, but
very light and volatile in character, and simply cannot hold his
tongue. If he's ever in a real fix, and it would be of use to
him, you may tell him about the secret passage; but not before."'

The other animals looked hard at Toad to see how he would take
it. Toad was inclined to be sulky at first; but he brightened up
immediately, like the good fellow he was.

`Well, well,' he said; `perhaps I am a bit of a talker. A
popular fellow such as I am--my friends get round me--we chaff,
we sparkle, we tell witty stories--and somehow my tongue
gets wagging. I have the gift of conversation. I've been told I
ought to have a salon, whatever that may be. Never mind. Go
on, Badger. How's this passage of yours going to help us?'

`I've found out a thing or two lately,' continued the Badger. `I
got Otter to disguise himself as a sweep and call at the back-
door with brushes over his shoulder, asking for a job. There's
going to be a big banquet to-morrow night. It's somebody's
birthday--the Chief Weasel's, I believe--and all the weasels will
be gathered together in the dining-hall, eating and drinking and
laughing and carrying on, suspecting nothing. No guns, no
swords, no sticks, no arms of any sort whatever!'

`But the sentinels will be posted as usual,' remarked the Rat.

`Exactly,' said the Badger; `that is my point. The weasels will
trust entirely to their excellent sentinels. And that is where
the passage comes in. That very useful tunnel leads right up
under the butler's pantry, next to the dining-hall!'

`Aha! that squeaky board in the butler's pantry!' said Toad.
`Now I understand it!'

`We shall creep out quietly into the butler's pantry--' cried the
Mole.

`--with our pistols and swords and sticks--' shouted the Rat.

`--and rush in upon them,' said the Badger.

`--and whack 'em, and whack 'em, and whack 'em!' cried the Toad
in ecstasy, running round and round the room, and jumping over
the chairs

`Very well, then,' said the Badger, resuming his usual dry
manner, `our plan is settled, and there's nothing more for you to
argue and squabble about. So, as it's getting very late, all of
you go right off to bed at once. We will make all the necessary
arrangements in the course of the morning to-morrow.'

Toad, of course, went off to bed dutifully with the rest--he knew
better than to refuse--though he was feeling much too excited to
sleep. But he had had a long day, with many events crowded into
it; and sheets and blankets were very friendly and comforting
things, after plain straw, and not too much of it, spread on the
stone floor of a draughty cell; and his head had not been many
seconds on his pillow before he was snoring happily. Naturally,
he dreamt a good deal; about roads that ran away from him
just when he wanted them, and canals that chased him and caught
him, and a barge that sailed into the banqueting-hall with his
week's washing, just as he was giving a dinner-party; and he was
alone in the secret passage, pushing onwards, but it twisted and
turned round and shook itself, and sat up on its end; yet
somehow, at the last, he found himself back in Toad Hall, safe
and triumphant, with all his friends gathered round about him,
earnestly assuring him that he really was a clever Toad.

He slept till a late hour next morning, and by the time he got
down he found that the other animals had finished their breakfast
some time before. The Mole had slipped off somewhere by himself,
without telling any one where he was going to. The Badger sat in
the arm-chair, reading the paper, and not concerning himself in
the slightest about what was going to happen that very evening.
The Rat, on the other hand, was running round the room busily,
with his arms full of weapons of every kind, distributing them in
four little heaps on the floor, and saying excitedly under his
breath, as he ran, `Here's-a-sword-for-the-Rat, here's-a-sword-
for-the Mole, here's-a-sword-for-the-Toad, here's-a-sword-
for-the-Badger! Here's-a-pistol-for-the-Rat, here's-a-pistol-
for-the-Mole, here's-a-pistol-for-the-Toad, here's-a-pistol-for-
the-Badger!' And so on, in a regular, rhythmical way, while the
four little heaps gradually grew and grew.

`That's all very well, Rat,' said the Badger presently, looking
at the busy little animal over the edge of his newspaper; `I'm
not blaming you. But just let us once get past the stoats, with
those detestable guns of theirs, and I assure you we shan't want
any swords or pistols. We four, with our sticks, once we're
inside the dining-hall, why, we shall clear the floor of all the
lot of them in five minutes. I'd have done the whole thing by
myself, only I didn't want to deprive you fellows of the fun!'

`It's as well to be on the safe side,' said the Rat reflectively,
polishing a pistol-barrel on his sleeve and looking along it.

`What are you always nagging at Toad for?' inquired the Badger,
rather peevishly. `What's the matter with his English? It's the
same what I use myself, and if it's good enough for me, it ought
to be good enough for you!'

`I'm very sorry,' said the Rat humbly. `Only I THINK it ought
to be "teach 'em," not "learn 'em."'

`Oh, very well, have it your own way,' said the Rat. He was
getting rather muddled about it himself, and presently he retired
into a corner, where he could be heard muttering, `Learn 'em,
teach 'em, teach 'em, learn 'em!' till the Badger told him rather
sharply to leave off.

Presently the Mole came tumbling into the room, evidently very
pleased with himself. `I've been having such fun!' he began at
once; `I've been getting a rise out of the stoats!'

`I hope you've been very careful, Mole?' said the Rat anxiously.

`I should hope so, too,' said the Mole confidently. `I got the
idea when I went into the kitchen, to see about Toad's
breakfast being kept hot for him. I found that old washerwoman-
dress that he came home in yesterday, hanging on a towel-horse
before the fire. So I put it on, and the bonnet as well, and the
shawl, and off I went to Toad Hall, as bold as you please. The
sentries were on the look-out, of course, with their guns and
their "Who comes there?" and all the rest of their nonsense.
"Good morning, gentlemen!" says I, very respectful. "Want any
washing done to-day?"

`They looked at me very proud and stiff and haughty, and said,
"Go away, washerwoman! We don't do any washing on duty." "Or
any other time?" says I. Ho, ho, ho! Wasn't I FUNNY, Toad?'

`Poor, frivolous animal!' said Toad, very loftily. The fact is,
he felt exceedingly jealous of Mole for what he had just done.
It was exactly what he would have liked to have done himself, if
only he had thought of it first, and hadn't gone and overslept
himself.

`Some of the stoats turned quite pink,' continued the Mole, `and
the Sergeant in charge, he said to me, very short, he said, "Now
run away, my good woman, run away! Don't keep my men idling
and talking on their posts." "Run away?" says I; "it won't be me
that'll be running away, in a very short time from now!"'

`O MOLY, how could you?' said the Rat, dismayed.

The Badger laid down his paper.

`I could see them pricking up their ears and looking at each
other,' went on the Mole; `and the Sergeant said to them, "Never
mind HER; she doesn't know what she's talking about."'

`"O! don't I?"' said I. `"Well, let me tell you this. My
daughter, she washes for Mr. Badger, and that'll show you whether
I know what I'm talking about; and YOU'LL know pretty soon,
too! A hundred bloodthirsty badgers, armed with rifles, are
going to attack Toad Hall this very night, by way of the paddock.
Six boatloads of Rats, with pistols and cutlasses, will come up
the river and effect a landing in the garden; while a picked body
of Toads, known at the Die-hards, or the Death-or-Glory Toads,
will storm the orchard and carry everything before them, yelling
for vengeance. There won't be much left of you to wash, by the
time they've done with you, unless you clear out while you have
the chance!" Then I ran away, and when I was out of sight I
hid; and presently I came creeping back along the ditch and took
a peep at them through the hedge. They were all as nervous and
flustered as could be, running all ways at once, and falling over
each other, and every one giving orders to everybody else and not
listening; and the Sergeant kept sending off parties of stoats to
distant parts of the grounds, and then sending other fellows to
fetch 'em back again; and I heard them saying to each other,
"That's just like the weasels; they're to stop comfortably in the
banqueting-hall, and have feasting and toasts and songs and all
sorts of fun, while we must stay on guard in the cold and the
dark, and in the end be cut to pieces by bloodthirsty Badgers!'"

`Mole,' said the Badger, in his dry, quiet way, `I perceive you
have more sense in your little finger than some other animals
have in the whole of their fat bodies. You have managed
excellently, and I begin to have great hopes of you. Good Mole!
Clever Mole!'

The Toad was simply wild with jealousy, more especially as
he couldn't make out for the life of him what the Mole had done
that was so particularly clever; but, fortunately for him, before
he could show temper or expose himself to the Badger's sarcasm,
the bell rang for luncheon.

It was a simple but sustaining meal--bacon and broad beans, and a
macaroni pudding; and when they had quite done, the Badger
settled himself into an arm-chair, and said, `Well, we've got our
work cut out for us to-night, and it will probably be pretty late
before we're quite through with it; so I'm just going to take
forty winks, while I can.' And he drew a handkerchief over his
face and was soon snoring.

The anxious and laborious Rat at once resumed his preparations,
and started running between his four little heaps, muttering,
`Here's-a-belt-for-the-Rat, here's-a-belt-for-the Mole, here's-a-
belt-for-the-Toad, here's-a-belt-for-the-Badger!' and so on, with
every fresh accoutrement he produced, to which there seemed
really no end; so the Mole drew his arm through Toad's, led him
out into the open air, shoved him into a wicker chair, and made
him tell him all his adventures from beginning to end, which
Toad was only too willing to do. The Mole was a good listener,
and Toad, with no one to check his statements or to criticise in
an unfriendly spirit, rather let himself go. Indeed, much that
he related belonged more properly to the category of what-might-
have-happened-had-I-only-thought-of-it-in-time-instead-of-ten-
minutes-afterwards. Those are always the best and the raciest
adventures; and why should they not be truly ours, as much as the
somewhat inadequate things that really come off?