The other day, I attended a SEX+STL women’s only Topless Tarot event with my daughter, and it was wonderful!

The ages of the attendees ranged from 14 (my daughter) to 65. There was one other mother/teen duo there as well, in addition to about 20 women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds.

This was not the first clothing optional women’s only event we’ve had (in the past, we’ve done Pussy Parties and Topless Tea Parties), but it was the first one my daughter attended. So it was kind of a big deal! Naturally, I wanted it to be a positive experience for her.

I think ALL young women should have the chance to experience body-affirming moments. It’s so funny – for a lot of us, the older we get, the more comfortable we are in our skin. We don’t appreciate our bodies when we are younger, thinner, and more vital.

My daughter has a wonderful, strong, beautiful body, but she is wracked with all the insecurities I had at that age. I remember feeling so awkward and inferior. I compared myself to every other female – girls my age, models on television, older women. I remember some of the weird things I tried to improve my appearance – slouching, lots of makeup, starving myself, padded bras, walking around blind without my glasses.

When it finally seemed futile that I would never be beautiful and measure up to society’s standards, I went ahead and shaved my head and wore black all the time. I eventually outgrew that phase, but the body image struggle continued through my stripper phase, my married phase, my pregnant phase, my divorced phase, my nude goddess phase… heck, I STILL struggle, but I’m not going to let that hold me back from celebrating my body, feeling pleasure, and being naked!

It’s painful watching her struggle. The Topless Tarot party seemed like a gentle exercise, and of course, she was happy to give it a try. She and I are used to seeing each other naked around the house, but it would be different with others there.

Here is me at age 27 with my squishy little newborn daughter, almost 15 years ago:

Brand new mother

Breastfeeding

.

.

.

Can you believe it?!

I breastfed her for a year. And now, she’s taller than me, with bigger feet, hair, and boobs!

We arrived at the party, eager and nervous with anticipation. At first, the women were reluctant to remove their tops. It didn’t help that it was a cold, snowy winter night! Our host did her best to make the female energy space warm and inviting. I always lead by example and went topless right away. My breasts were brrr-easts – ha!

My daughter already knew some of the women there as good friends, and met some lovely new people as well, including vivacious Emily, one of the Co-Leaders of SEX+STL.

She had her tarot read – the tarot reader was great! This was the first time she had ever done anything like this before. Her fellow tarot reader friends were envious!

Slowly, women became more comfortable, and before long, we were almost all topless, sitting around sipping wine, coloring pages out of a coloring book, showing each other tarot cards and sacred items, discussing our fortunes and dreams. It was magical.

My daughter was nervous, saying to me, “Are you sure I should do this?”

I told her she didn’t have to, but I thought she might regret it later if she didn’t go for it.

So she took the plunge and removed her top, and something amazing happened. Once she settled in to the new sensation of being topless around other women, she transformed into a confident, calm young woman. I hadn’t seen her that relaxed and herself in ages! She tends to be anxious, shy and awkward, keeping her head down and being overly apologetic, but that was NOT the case in this setting.

She blossomed. She smiled and animatedly chatted with others. She proudly showed off her treasures. It felt natural seeing other breasts. People marveled at her poise and bravery. Everyone was so friendly, warm, and accepting. Afterward, she had this to say: “The tarot deck was so cool. My reading made me feel hopeful. It was very good meeting people, and it made me feel better about myself. It was very uplifting!”

I’m so proud of her. I’m so glad we went! We’ll definitely have more events like this!

Comments

Kate2015-03-14 21:43:10

Wow what a great body-positive female affirming event! All women in the US, I think, suffer from body dysmorphia. It’s just impossible to escape the messages that our worth=our looks in this society. I’ve worked hard to come to love myself just the way I am, but I accept that I am going to have episodes where I feel insecure and judgemental about my body just like I accept that I’m going to have allergies in spring and summer…so when I do, I give myself some “medicine” like a massage or a facial and remind myself that I eat well and exercise and look great, it’s just that dysmorphia acting up again….

Oh, this sounds really cool! When does this kind of event happen? Or was this just the first one to see how it would be received? I’d like to try to plan to go, and especially so if I could learn how to read a bit better!

My daughters are growing up in a world I find difficult to coptehend. I grew up conservatively. The human body was a thing of shame, the physical body at odds with the spirit, something to be battled and overcome. I did not raise my daughters in shame. My teenager is comfortable in her skin — as much as a high school girl can be in this culture. She has no hang ups wearing a bikini in public — something I still don’t feel (I’ll usually wear a shirt to cover up).
The Internet bombards our children with pornography, drug use, etc. what worries me most is that she doesn’t under WHY I’m worried about the teen and child culture online.
We have had some very good talks about boys and sexuality. I have to very consciously stuff my initial reaction: “Why did you do that?!” And the desire to put her on complete lockdown.
When I have focused on her and not what she’s done, she has opened up to me and it’s wonderful!
I focus instead, on how it affected her and what she can do now. I tell her I’m not mad, but that I didn’t want her to have to deal with the consequences. This has greatly improved our relationship and she has talked to me more about the day to day stuff and big stuff than she had before.
However, I still feel so scared for her. This whole generation is exposed to & has access to anything and anyone.

In this world of pressure and uncertainty, you are doing a great job as a parent. My daughter’s friends tell me their parents freak out at the mention of sex or drugs and refuse to discuss it. How is that going to help their child??

I’m reading an amazing book right now called “The Sacred Prostitute.” It’s all about how our modern culture has placed sexuality and religion on opposing sides – i.e., sex is bad, and religion is good. If we can properly worship and respect the sacred feminine and embrace our sexuality as a core part of our spirituality, then both men and women can fully integrate and find harmony and bliss.