Army wife reflects on her experiences

The spouse of a soldier faces unique challenges - challenges not usually experienced by the spouse of a mailman, or bus driver, or in many cases even a police officer.

Lisa R. Howeler

The spouse of a soldier faces unique challenges - challenges not usually experienced by the spouse of a mailman, or bus driver, or in many cases even a police officer.

The duty of a soldier is passed down to their family, whether planned or not. From the Revolutionary War to the Iraq War and every situation in between, the husbands and wives of American soldiers have shared one bond: knowing that their spouse could pay the ultimate sacrifice for their country.

In some ways, the role of an “Army wife/husband” is the same as it has always been. In other ways the roles have changed. Once, the spouse of a soldier was always a wife, never a husband. Once, the wife always remained home while her husband was sent overseas to await his deployment. Today, men have joined women in waiting for their soldier-spouse to return home from war. Today the spouse frequently travels overseas or to a base to live until the soldier is deployed to serve his or her country.

Jenny Abbott, a 1999 graduate of Sayre High School, is a modern Army wife. She is currently living in Ansbach, Germany, also known as Katterbach Kaserne. Her husband, Wade, a 1996 graduate of Troy High School, is a sergeant in the U.S. Army, 12th Brigade, 5/158 Battalion, Delta Company, Maintenance Platoon. He was deployed in the past two weeks, but his current location is classified.

Jenny is the daughter of Robert and Valerie Crocker of Sayre. Wade is the son of Berniece and Dale Abbott of Towanda. Wade's children, Mikayla Wade Abbott, 10, and Michael Allen Abbott, 6, live in Indiana with their mother.

Life in the Army has been an adjustment for Jenny, but one that has been made easier with support from home, she said.

Living in Germany for two years before Wade was deployed also helped in making life in a foreign country without him easier.

E-mailing from Germany, Jenny said that, thanks to her husband, she is well-prepared to live on her own until his return.

“Since we have already been here about two years, I actually feel very safe being over here. If I had not lived here prior to his deployment, I feel that I would have felt more nervous about being in a foreign country without him,” she wrote. “Wade has prepared me well for this deployment. He has made sure that I know where I need to go to accomplish things like changing the oil for our vehicle, what number to dial if I break down along the Autobahn. He prepared first aid kits for our house, stocked our cabinets with the proper lightbulbs, and updated our wills, car registration, and more importantly, he has done everything he could prior to his deployment to make sure that I feel comfortable being here while he is away. Having a husband who is well-prepared and willing to do all that he has done shows me that he wants to take care of me even while he is away from home.”

This is not the first time Wade has been deployed. In fact, it is his third deployment, with his first two being with the 82nd Airborne Division, 2nd Platoon, Bravo Company 1/505th based out of Fort Bragg, N.C.

When Wade is gone, Jenny finds support from the friends she has made on the post, and also from her friends and family still in the Valley.

“We are blessed to have much love and support from friends and family in the Valley,” she wrote. “What surprises us still is the support that we receive from complete strangers and even VFWs from all over. Every card and note gives us both so much pride and reminds us why we are a part of the military. Wade is the one serving, but I feel very much apart of the Silent Rank as I stand beside him, proud of what he does every day. It is a sacrifice to be away from family and friends, to not see your spouse for days and months while they are training, to not be able to just go out and hunt or fish, or to have weekend plans canceled due to the fact that you are on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. But one little card, one little e-mail, one little hug from a stranger . . . makes it all worth it.”

She uses e-mail to keep in contact with family and friends and Wade.

She said “the occasional phone calls (from Wade) do make a difference and are a great surprise.”

Jenny said she becomes tearful thinking about the love and support she has been given, and she believes it will help her survive her husband's 15-plus-month deployment.

“The military posts offer a lot of support, too,” she said. “One thing that I have felt passionate about for this deployment is to try to encourage the spouses on our post to utilize the support here. The soldiers downrange receive packages and letters of encouragement, which motivate them daily. My heart goes out to the women here on our post, especially those with children who may not have support from back home while their spouse is deployed.”

Other support is offered for the families left behind, including confidential hotlines available 24 hours a day with counselors who will meet with a family member anytime, anywhere, Jenny said.

She said there are also organizations and activities on the post in which spouses can get involved or volunteer to keep them occupied while their family members are deployed, including the Spouses and Civilians Club; the Fitness Center, which holds various sporting competitions and fitness classes throughout the year; the Girl Scouts/Boy Scouts; school activities (sports, plays, etc.); and organizations through the chapel, including, but not limited to, Bible studies, prayer groups, vacation Bible schools and social events.

“For me, I am personally involved in an organization through the chapel called PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel),” she said. “I was nominated and voted in as president for this year. It is a volunteer position, but one where I easily log in 15 to 30 hours a week. I have a board of 13 ladies who are all in charge of various jobs and tasks throughout the year. Again, this is an example of one of many support organizations that are available on post.”

Jenny is keeping herself busy while Wade is gone, already having established a foundation of friendships, but also activities to keep her mind away from the danger her husband may be in while he is away.

“The thing that I am actually enjoying right now is running,” she said. “One of my neighbors and I talked prior to the deployment about running some marathons while the guys are gone - Berlin Marathon, Paris Marathon, Budapest, etc. We are starting out in October with a 10K run in Scotland around the Loch Ness. It has given me something to stay focused on and something to look forward to, both things that keep you going every day. I also enjoy the little things like baking goodies or writing a letter to send to Wade, taking our dog Gunther for walks and reading. It is important for families going through a deployment to have a schedule and to ‘carry on' with life. I'll admit it is difficult. I never want to do something that I think Wade would enjoy doing too, for fear he would feel like he was missing out, but life has to go on. It must.”

Jenny said she and Wade truly miss the Valley, especially the people of the community.

“What we both miss the most is our family. We are blessed to have a wonderful family who loves and supports us,” she wrote. “Along with that we miss the Valley in general. Our church family at the Athens Wesleyan Church has given us so much love that we cannot wait until we again can be back and give back all that we have received. Our friends and local merchants all have made us proud and shown us continuously that you support us, and that makes Wade proud to serve his country. He does it for you, and you thank him. We miss being apart of a wonderful community. There is something that the Valley has that you can't quite put your finger on. It can't be explained, but we feel it. The love and support year after year - you make the sacrifice worth it. I know from talking with Wade that because of the support he receives, he would be proud to die for his country. He knows it would not be in vain.”

Jenny thanked the veterans of the Valley and their families.

“Some have fought in wars, some in disaster relief, but all have sacrificed, a word I am learning to understand more and more every day,” she wrote. “I thank you for all that you have for our country and for me. There is one thing that all military posts do that I wish every town/city would do. When you go to a movie on a military post, before they start the movie they play ‘The Star-Spangled Banner,' and everyone stands out of respect until it is finished. When I stand there, every time, I don't think of myself being a part of the military, I think of past veterans. I always tear up as I listen to the words, especially the last lines, ‘. . . for the land of the free, and the home of the brave.' For those who have fought, you were brave, and I thank you.”

Jenny wrote that she was crying as she typed, “I wish there was more than a simple ‘thank you' that I could say that would encompass the feelings that I have for the people of the Valley. I am so proud to be from the Valley and the United States. I wish that I could repay all of you for the support and kindness that you have bestowed on us. I want to thank you in advance for your thoughts and prayers during this upcoming year.”

Surviving the deployment of a family member is not easy, but it is possible, Jenny said.

“We personally see it as an opportunity,” she wrote. “An opportunity to show each other love and support in ‘other' ways. Ways that most people take for granted - little notes of admiration, talking about memories that we have shared together, discussing things that we love about each other, realizing what we take for granted, and dreaming about things we will do once he returns.”