By now you’ve heard it all: Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Jim Bakker and all the rest of the kooks who populate the world of “evangelical” broadcasting, all breathlessly swearing that the latest tragedy to befall America is the fault of some fundamental sin. Whether it’s abortion or premarital sex, gay marriage or just not being able to lead a classroom in prayer, these assholes claim to speak for God as they blame natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and economic downturns on a litany of liberal ills.

Usually, this condemnation is in some general sense of America not “acting like a Christian nation,” as though John Adams didn’t make it abundantly clear that religion was not the basis for our founding. But every once in a while we see one of these woefully stupid charlatans blame something on a specific person. In the case of Kevin Swanson, a right-wing extremist “pastor” who operates his radio show from high in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, he must think he’s even closer to God up there. Today, he blamed Hurricane Harvey on the “very, very aggressively pro-homosexual mayor” of Houston, Sylvester Turner.

I don’t know if Mr. Swanson missed it or not, but there was an actual gay mayor in Houston up until the beginning of January of last year. Her name’s Annise Parker, and she was the first openly gay mayor elected in a city as big as Houston. And wouldn’t you know, her city didn’t have any major weather events during her entire tenure. It’s almost like Swanson’s vengeful God was sleeping on the job or something. I mean, it’s not like Parker wasn’t in the news.

And it’s weird, because I was raised Christian — by an evangelical mother, even — and it was only ever God himself who got all wrath-y about things. But Swanson says it is the Lamb of God Himself, Jesus Christ, who has visited this terrible storm upon the sinners of Houston:

Jesus sends the message home, unless Americans repent, unless Houston repents, unless New Orleans repents, they will all likewise perish. That is the message that the Lord Jesus Christ is sending home right now to America.”

That’s pretty gross, right? I’m not crazy, right you guys? Swanson did add a handy money-saving tip for the coastal metropolis, though:

Unless you repent, you will likewise perish. And repairing your houses in Houston after a hurricane is useless if you’re just going to go to hell.”

So put down those hammers, denizens of Houston. Kevin Swanson says that as long as dudes kiss dudes, God’s just going to wipe you out again.

You can listen to his screed here (if you really want to):

Featured image via video screen capture.

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Written by Andrew Simpson

Andrew hates long walks on the beach, glitter, and men's rights activists. He can usually be found with his long-suffering wife, who can usually be found asking him to please not order onions on that burger, babe.