I have to make a confession: I'm getting tired of always having to find something worthwhile to do. I can't seem to just relax. I become tense whenever I am not doing something productive. I think this is turning me more and more inwards to myself, instead of embracing the world like I told myself I would this summer. I feel that every time I am not having a deeply meaningful conversation with a stranger, than I am wasting my time, and would try to get out of it and do something more interesting. But the truth is, I have difficulty always finding meaningful things to do, and this is bothering me. I don't think I am enjoying life to the degree that I could otherwise.

I mean, I hate frivolity. My seriousness has gotten me places... for example, into one of the best universities in the world. Yet I feel that it is exceedingly difficult to balance foolery and serious work. I enjoy serious work, no doubt. I don't just do it because I feel I have to, but I do it because I find it worthwhile. But its that when I am NOT doing these all important work, I feel that I lack the social support I would like to have. I always have one good friend, which some may say is enough, but that one person can't always be there for you whenever you desire company. I want to expand my social circle, yet I do not feel happy with just any person or group of people. Developing friendships take time, and I often do not have this time--be this lack real or imagined.

I've learned much about myself this summer... for example, I remain the kind of person who stresses efficiency instead of frivolity... or maybe I just haven't tried hard enough to step out of this boundary? I don't know... I don't know...

:detective

DoesntMatter

20-07-07, 09:47 PM

Hmmm... Try doing something relaxing that is also working towards getting you closer to some goal you have. For instance, if you are majoring in chemistry or math, buy several textbooks and crack them open, and read at a leisurely pace.

Oh yeah, and remember that resting IS getting you closer to your goals. You can't work nonstop. Rest is to needed (sometimes underrated too)

Gigabitch

21-07-07, 12:04 AM

Boy, are you off balance. I hope you don't look back on this time in your life at some point and ask yourself why you didn't allow yourself to have any fun.

It's summer for God's sake. How do you not have time to work on your personal relationships?