Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Backwards and Forwards: Old Socks, New Hat

Further to yesterday's post, in which I mentioned that fixed-gear bicycles may be giving way to the moped, there is another vehicular trend which is far more troubling. Some time ago, in an online publication I can no longer recall, I read an article which claimed that the hipsters of Williamsburg were purchasing Cushmans at city auctions and repurposing them for personal use. Well, yesterday evening I once again found myself traveling the Great Hipster Silk Route and I'm dismayed to report that this indeed seems to be the case:

While I was unable to obtain a photograph of the driver, I did make a visual inspection of the cabin, and I can report with 99% certainty that the driver of the above conveyance was indeed a hipster. I would have tried to catch up with him again, except I got stopped at the "Facial Hair Checkpoint" on the Williamsburg/Greenpoint border. Unfortunately, the hairway of my visage was deemed to be insufficiently unironic. Not only that, but I didn't have an official Williamsburg resident identification card. (A Williamsburg resident identification card consists of either a California driver's license or else a student ID from a qualifying college or university such as UC Santa Cruz, Wesleyan, or NYU.) As such, it was only after I paid a toll and assured them that I was only passing through with no intention of stopping that they finally let me go.

Between Cushmans (otherwise known as "Hipster Smarts") and mopeds it may very well be that hipsters are rediscovering the joys of ironic fossil fuel consumption. Furthermore, the moped is an especially potent motorized "gateway drug" for them, since it allows them to keep using most of their fixie accessories, such as messenger bags, chain locks, and sneakers. Really, the only thing hipsters give up when they move to mopeds is the constant pedaling, which they never really seemed to be enjoying that much anyway.

Incidentally, a number of people pointed out yesterday that New York City seems to be late to the moped craze, which has apparently been in full swing in cities like San Francisco and Chicago for some time. However, this is less an indication that New York is behind the times than it is proof of just how seriously people take hipsterism here. It's standard practice among hipsters to hone their city living techniques and "personal brands" in other, smaller cities before moving here and taking part in "The Big Show." Yes, New York City in general and Brooklyn in particular is a vast field of hipster dreams, and a breakout season here can mean the difference between making a down payment on a condo and skulking back to Portland with your tiger tail between the legs of your form-fitting jeans.

Anyway, while the Cushman did have a hipster at the helm, it did not have vanity plates, unlike this trike I encountered yesterday on the Manhattan bridge:

As you can see, the vanity plate reads "Musher-1," which obviously means the rider pilots a dogsled. Moreover, she's obviously preparing for the Iditarod, since triking is a popular form of cross-training among competitive mushers. Eddy Merckx famously said, "The Tour de France is won in bed." (This explains why Lance Armstrong spent the years before his comeback to cycling hanging out with Ashley Olsen.) Similarly, it is also said that "The Ididarod is won on the trike." I only hope the hipsters don't take up dogsledding, since I'd hate to share the bike path with people wearing tight jeans and ironic fur hats being pulled around by pitbulls they found on Craigslist.

In any case, the Ironic Motorized Revolution appears to be yet another indicator that the fixed-gear heyday is over. And if you're still not convinced, consider this JCPenney commercial, forwarded to me by a reader. In it, you'll not only see a brakeless fixed-gear bicycle used as a prop, but you'll also see a model "portaging" it in such a manner as to get drivetrain grime all over his salmon-hued fleece:

Not only that, but if he's going to actually ride that thing (the bike, I mean) he better get some pant-cuff retention or it's going to get caught in his chain. The leg of his trousers is as unruly as his libido.

Meanwhile, in the world of streetwear, it's been a long time since fixed-gear fashion married into the world of hip hop fashion, and now they're having children. Consider this hybrid flat brim/cycling cap, forwarded to me by another reader:

Thanks to the shortened brim, fixed-gear fashionistas will no longer have to suffer the indignity of their hats flying off their heads on those rare occasions when they travel faster than 10mph. However, they must still suffer with the indignity of looking like people who watch drifting videos, drive their Pista Concepts to freestyle spots in customized Scions, and camp out for sneakers. (Camping out for sneakers is like making reservations at Burger King.)

But as much as I hate to see the classic cycling cap integrated with the latest conformists' hat of choice, I stop short of attributing some kind of profound spiritual significance and meaning to cycling's wooly, tubular past. However, if I didn't, I would be slavering all over the latest issue of Rouleur, which the good people at Rapha were kind enough to send me:This is not to say I don't appreciate Rouleur, because I certainly do; nor is it to say that the magazine is not well put together and pleasant to look at and read, because it certainly is. However, I also don't subscribe to the central tenets of Rouleur, which is that there's a fundamental romance in the rarefied aspects of cycling, and that old stuff is more "soulful" than new stuff. Actually, I don't think any "stuff" is soulful. Granted, I'm not the most romantic person, but I don't find elusive and complicated things seductive, and I especially don't believe that "the tubular tyre has an unquestionable romance" (as Guy Andrews claims in the second installment of his "epic" sew-up report). I certainly understand that tubular tires have their benefits, and I'm even interested in reading about how they're made. But as soon as the prose starts sounding like it was composed on laudanum I can no longer remain engaged. In this sense, the tubular tire is sort of the burrito of the cycling world, since people seem compelled to rhapsodize about both, even though essentially they're just stuff wrapped in a skin with varying degrees of quality.

However, as someone who does not believe in the "soulfulness" of stuff, I was honestly fascinated by this interview with two bicycle collectors, Kadir Guirey and Rohan Dubash:

Here they are sharing an inside joke about a Simplex derailleur pulley:

While I'm not especially interested in "vintage" stuff, I do find other people's bizarre obsessions compelling, so I was amazed by much of what they had to say. For example, here's Rohan on memorabilia:

One year this little boy went to the Kellogg's Tour in Newcastle. It was raining and Maurizio Fondriest had won the time trial. He was just sitting in the car, peeling his wet socks off, and he just dropped them on the floor. His dad was like, just run over to him, and he looked at the socks and Fondriest looked at him, all puzzled, and he said, "Can I have them?" And Fondriest went, "Yeah, take them." So they took them home, washed them and brought them into the shop for me.

Apparently this is supposed to be charming, but personally I find the idea of handling anybody's wet, dirty cycling socks disgusting. Kadir further explains this by saying that things like used water bottles and dirty socks are "tiny little snapshots." By that logic I wonder if there's someone out there holding on to Eddy Merckx's dirty chamois. To me it's just bacteria, pubes, and vintage "frumunda cheese," but to them I guess it's a "tiny little snapshot" of victory--albeit from a crotchal perspective.

Predictably, Rohan is also quite smitten by Campagnolo:

That's why I buy Campagnolo--because I can think of a person making it. I can't think of a person making a Shimano derailleur. I'm not saying they don't, but I can't envisage it.

Why is it so hard to imagine someone making a Shimano derailleur? Is it because that person is Japanese? They have crafstmanship in Japan, too. I guess it's because things made in Italy are somehow imbued with "passion" and are therefore "art." But a derailleur, regardless of where it's made or by whom, is not art--nor is the absence of a derailleur art, despite what the fixed-gear fetishists would have you believe.

And these guys don't just love stuff; they also love the stuff in which the stuff is packaged. Says Kadir:

I like empty boxes.

Well, I guess you could consider an empty box conceptual art.

Having said all that, I certainly do agree that there's beauty in cycling and in the sport of cycling. I also realize that my cynicism with regard to much of what the rest of the cycling world finds "romantic" is probably due to the fact that I ride a Scattante, and everybody knows cheap straight-gauge tubes do not properly conduct those mystical, spiritual vibes. Maybe a new cyclocross bike will remedy the situation. A reader recently sent me a photo of a rider "slaying" some 'cross on a Pedersen, and I'm thinking it might be the way to go:

Winning a cyclocross race on a bike like that would doubtless bring instant fame. I wonder if he'd let me have his shorts.

The reason why more people don't cycle is because it takes effort. We knew it was only a matter of time before hipster figured this out. Too bad they're migrating to the world of gas and emission (if its true...)

Hipsters jumped on the fixed gear bandwagon. Then realized that they have to exert all kinds energy to not only pedal, but also to slow down and stop. Plus they can't coast. Way too much work. So instead of going out and buying bicycles that have brakes, and freewheels and *gasp* multiple gears, they scrap the whole bicycle idea alltogether and get mopeds, Cushmen and for all we know, other gas burning conveyances.

Yesterday, after having read you blog post, I left my work and started my commute home only to be greeted by a mouthful of wretched smoke and exhaust from a "vintage" moped; and yes, a hipster was piloting it.

Want more evidence that the fixie romance is dying down? Republic has dropped their prices (but I don't know if it is recent)

And I would like to share with you all the eloquent words a suit and tie wearing salmon shared with me after I informed him that he was traveling in the wrong direction down a one way road... "FA-Q"

yes, the commute does seem to be a different animal than the recreational ride, doesn't it... but I rarely seem to encounter these hazards to life and limb whilst riding during "non peak" hours (ie, rush hour).

and the punch line is that it wasn't a bike lane, it was just a really busy 3-4 lane road in downtown Boston (Arlington St. by the public gardens for those who care) and he was riding his crossroads or globe, or whatever the upright contraption was, headlong into all sorts of traffic.

The guy on the Pedersen is a well known NorCal rider. We call him "Lawrence of Bikerabia," because he used to attach chunks of cloth to the back and sides of his helmet so that it resembled a legionnaires hat. He uses that bike for both road and 'cross, though he only races 'cross, as far as I know. I've never seem him at a road race.

...as one of the few here, & you others know who you are, who actually rode this stuff back in "cycling's woolly, tubular past.", i find it rather palpably pretentious the way it's all blathered on about...

The name Kadir Guirey rang a bell for me, in connection with skateboarding in the UK, back in the 80s. Sure enough, Google has the goods. He was also in Funkapolitan, who as I recall were a bunch of posh boys from Notting Hill playing at britfunk. An early 80s hipster, in other words - so him turning up 30 years on in NYC with a garageful of vintage italian bikes totally makes sense...

I agree with Rapha and those freaky collectors that older gear evokes more emotion.

Unfortunately, for me, those emotions are ones like frustration (from a missed shift) or regret (from getting stuck in a rain storm with a wool jersey), to downright panic (riding downhill at 50 with sew-ups).

mac always used to say their processors were faster than intel, then switched to intel because they were faster. BS. Lets face it, its a computer. it adds and subtracts and stuff. funny how the only people who mention what machines they are using are mac users. its because they think it makes them cool. what it really does is to expose a mindset. (excluding old proffessors who use them cos theyre hippies). its all hype. like cyclocross.

I'm not sure you are correct. Perhaps the poster(s) was refering to recent / forthcoming media hyseria surrounding cyclocross, not cyclocross itself, or using a bicycle for purposes other than intended design.

totally agree, bgw, but i might argue that it was fun (and it was, damn fun!) for it's lack of rules, feeling of freedom, etc, and that codifying takes all the fun out of it, which I don't think is the case in road or track races. Or it could just be that I'm a big wuss who looks forward to an off season to actually sleep late...

I saw some tweakers dumpster-diving behind a bikeshop the other day. They were "scoring" some weird mavic rims, which had all the spokes cut. They appeared to be aluminum, with aluminum spoke remnants and like 17 holes. I pointed this out, and said that they could only be built with some weird-assed hub, with weird spokes, and that they should go next door and get a happy-hour pint like me. If they were MA40s, I would have gotten involved.

Maybe the people you met keep different hours to you.Perhaps their lives are built around hours that the average alcohol supplier is not allowed to keep. Perhaps their fun and enjoyment comes from a place you don’t know.

I like your thinking, but they had just asked me for money to buy beer. I was just passing along bike-geek info so they would not waste their time trying to turn those rims into cash and then into beer. A little like making your own ceramic-bearing upgrade kits out of old mugs with a pocket knife.

for years i've gone without throwing away any used bike tubes. even when they were beyond repair i still would keep em in a bucket in the garage.my girlfriend thought i was crazy and my friends made fun of it. then a friend showed me a clip device he fabricated that turns old bike tubes into adjustable length bungee cords. i've now got bungee's for life. so i've got that going for me, which is nice.

Can I ask, what the hell is the point in being the first to comment on a blog, or in the top 5 or whatever? Do you guys actually read post first, or just fire off your sprint for the podium as soon as it's posted?

Shh... don't stop the racers! I like to enjoy bike racing in all it's forms. Sometimes, there's even a beard or two.

Speaking of, for anyone in the great, gray north this weekend, be sure to check out the StarCrossed Cycloss race at the Marymoor Velodrome. Yes, at the velodrome, just not on the track for this one. Conveniently, it falls on Talk Like a Pirate Day, September 19th.

I'm hoping this might be the year I finally come to understand cyclocross (Thanks, BGW! your explanation is helping.)

What I meant was this: do you guys read Mr. Bikesnob's missive first and then quick as a whip fire out a "podium" or "sloppy second" posting, or just sit there hitting refresh until the new piece comes out and then fire away? Either way, it sounds about as rewarding as seeing how fast you can start and stop the timer on your ironman watch. Different strokes for different folks I guess. My money is on Anonymous

...mildt...we all decided at the annual meeting in nyc that we'd be on the honor system & therefor it's incumbent on each & every one of us to first read the newest post before commenting...

...it took three votes but it was passed unanimously & thusly the competition is strong every day...

..& yes, it is like a stage race w/ points awarded each day...at next years annual meeting, there will be a yellow jersey for the most overall wins & ant1 w/ his ant1st is a strong contender...

...a green jersey for the most consistent finisher w/ the most relevant comments & there we have a trifecta of wishiwasmerckx, mikeweb & sufferist...

...the polkadot jersey will go the the best finisher who seems like he might have been really, really high before he commented...leroy n' commiecanuk seem to be the hands down favorites for the "dots" although the tandem of red neckerson n' jolene come across the line very blasted on a regular basis...

...needless to say, i won't be picking up the white jersey for best young finisher / commentator...

...& the anonymous-es ??? bwahahaha...they don't even get invited to the meeting...

@Mark Allerton: chapeau for the Kadir Guirey spot. I actually remember the three-week Funkapolitan hype in NME and The Face but had forgotten their names, if I ever knew them.

I've ridden a Pedersen, which I didn't like - felt sketchy, unstable somehow. Attended a talk by Mike Burrows a couple of years ago in which he made the observation that when you look back at design history it's easy to spot the good designs because they get copied and developed "and noone ever copied Pedersen". It would have been cruel to point out that one sees very few cheap knock-offs of Windcheetahs or Road Rats around either, so I didn't. (The latter is/was a fabulous ride by the way.)

Only ridden the one, a Ratcatcher, and that only once but yes, I'd love one. Agree, his cv is awesome - and he's a very engaging and entertaining speaker too, if a little bitter, understandably. I read on a forum earlier this year that his two-wheel, front wheel drive recumbent, pictures of a prototype of which he showed at the talk I referred to above, would be available commercially (ahem!) this year but I've seen/heard nothing since.

BGW: I can't forget last year's meeting and seeing Frilly pick-up the see-thru kit for year's hottest rider. It brought a tear to everyone's eyes and a tent to the trousers (of course khaki is mandatory, but if you got your invite then you got your uniform too, so who am I talking to?)

I broke my first frame (and my first arm) as a teen by taking my old varsity down wooded trails and the bmx tracks the other kids in my neighborhood built in the area I grew up in... didn't know it was called cyclocross till many years later ;)

Back in '73 I was commuting 10 miles each way on my road bike and kept a set of 27x1 1/4 wheels on it during the week as a "romance of sew ups" prophylactic device. It was a time when the "soul" of Campy brakes allowed you to adjust them for the difference in diameter.

Anon 5:03

Old hippie professors use *NIX at the console, running a FORTRAN emulator and outputing web pages to the spastic golf ball.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!