Blog to Stop Bullying, Abuse, and Violence

Abuse Articles, Bullying Statistics, Insights and Tips

Abuse Bites blog is a free blog with abuse articles and anti-bullying tips. If you’re wondering how to blog or how to start a blog, check ours out, it’s really simple to learn. Blogging is fun, educational, and real. By using text, pictures and videos you can blog about anything. We blog to stop bullying, abuse, and violence. A blog should have a purpose, you have to decide what that purpose is and be consistent. You can blog once a week, several times a week or once a month. It's all up to you!

Preparing for back to school can be both exciting and stressing. Parents are left with the task of shopping for clothes, school supplies, and the zillions of other things kids need. Finding a good deal is sometimes hard for families on a budget. But thanks to Shop For A Cause at Macy’s, everyone can get a good deal and help stop bullying at the same time. (Click here to get a 25% off shopping pass today!) Hurry! Offer expires August 25, 2012!

As you probably know, back to school bullying is huge. Personal stories and bully statistics are plastered all over the news and internet. A whopping 160,000 kids miss school every day for fear of being bullied. The sadder part is that in 85% of school bullying there is no intervention. And the most tragic reality of all is that 1 teen dies every 30 minutes from bullycide (suicide from bullying) in the USA. (More bullying statistics).

My son, Jeremiah, nearly committed suicide after being bullied and threatened in high school. He still battles with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome and depression. However, he also writes songs and sings to help others. (Jeremiah’s Story, Video of him singing)

Although states are cracking down hard and setting up tough bullying laws in schools, bullying and bullycide continue to be a growing issue all over the United States.

Other states, like Minnesota, with one of the weakest bullying laws in place, hasn’t reported any school bullying, yet over 50% of students in their middle and high schools admit to being bullied. The state has created a Bully Task Force and is cracking down even harder, in hopes to bring fear into teachers, principals, and schools who don’t report, but will it be enough? (Read Full Story Here)

One school in New York City was forced to pay $40,000 for a bullied girl’s private tuition to another school. (Read Story) When are schools going to learn that we need more than a warning for bullies? Do they really think that anger management classes are the answer? We’ve been doing things the same, with the same tragic results.

American schools claim they want to provide a safe learning environment for our children, but they are failing daily. Parents want to feel that their children are safe while at school, but they know they are dropping their kids off in the middle of a battle zone every day. There are a lot of anti-bullying programs, this is true, but sadly most only offer help for victims.

Abuse Bites offers complete change, help and healing to all victims, bystanders, bullies, and their families. By having CHANGE WORKSHOPS in schools all over the United States, Abuse Bites can bring about the change that is so desperately needed in communities, to change hearts and save lives, in memory of, Brian, who lived and died forgiving his bullies. (Read More)

Parents, I plead with you. Talk to your children. Don’t leave the bullying problem up to the schools.

Sadly, I’ve been on both sides of the child abuse spectrum and am not proud of that. However, I am proud that I got my life together, broke the cycle of abuse, and healed so I can help others. Read My Story.

In my fight against child abuse and raising awareness and funds, I’ve had numerous people, ready to donate a dollar or more, come up to me and ask, “Is this for animal abuse?” but when I say it’s to help stop child abuse and bullying of people and pets, sadly many of them put their money back into their pocket and walk away.

We use our dogs in our FREE anti-abuse workshops to bring therapy to abused children, bullied teens, battered women, and even sick or hurting adults. We educate the public on all forms of abuse, bullying, and violence, teaching safety and prevention methods, and offer complete healing to all.

Upon researching some recent stories, it’s obvious that safety, prevention and healing is what’s so urgently needed. Not only for these dear, precious children, but also those entrusted to give them care.

Two mothers (from different sides of the United States, Florida and Texas) recently left their young children in their hot vehicles while they went into the bar to get their fix. One of those children was only a toddler. The windows were slightly cracked and he was yelling for help. Thankfully a good Samaritan heard his desperate cries for help and called the police. Both women were charged and booked, leaving their children to be tended to by the state. Read full story.

These aren’t even the worst cases of child abuse I’ve found. At the end of this article, I’ve listed links to some of the most horrifying child neglect and abuse cases in history.

Abuse Bites Workshops are offered in schools, churches, work places, and communities throughout Michigan and the United States. Contact Lisa Freeman, Founder and CEO for more information on speaking and advocating about abuse in your community.

Lately there has been a lot of buzz in the media about teen dating violence. I’ve read article after article where teen dating abuse is escalating all around the globe, but not much is being done about it. Schools are aware of the growing problem, but most have no plan of escape for teens. A recent study at Ball State University, in Indiana, reported that 81.3% of school counselors surveyed said they had no protocol for dating violence. Read More

Yet, statistics from Love is Not Abuse Coalition tells us that 1 in 3 teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship. SCARY!

Most adolescents and teens in first-time relationships don’t always know the warning signs. They may think that if their partner becomes jealous or controlling “it’s romantic.” They might even think, if they stay in therelationship, their partner will change, or, they can change them.

I know I did. I fell in love at 13. My boyfriend seemed really sweet at first. However, within a few months, his true colors started showing through. He was not only jealous and controlling, but he beat me. I ended up marrying him, thinking he’d change. The abuse only intensified and he almost killed me. Luckily, I escaped with my life. I was able to get out before it was too late.

Other teens, like 17-year-old Cindi Santana & high school Cheerleader,Charney Watts, weren’t so fortunate. Their relationships cost them their very lives! Even though they broke up with their boyfriends, their x-boyfriends stalked and killed them!

That’s why I speak on dating violence in Michigan as well as across the United States. My book, “Run For Your Life” is based on my true story and will help teens get out of dating violent situations safely and steer clear of abusive relationships altogether. It will also help them with other issues they face growing up (peer pressure, bullying, drugs and alcohol abuse, etc.). Run For Your Life will literally get them running in the right direction. I ran to all the wrong things in life, my book clearly points that out, showing how I made poor choices and suffered dearly for them, almost costing me my life. Read Reviews

Today, teens all over the USA are suffering for making bad choices, whether it’s dating violence, dropping out of school, doing drugs, etc. Our Abuse Bites Program is designed to help empower teens to do the right thing, make better choices, stay safe, rise above abuse and bullying, and have a productive future. I speak on every form of abuse, bullying and violence, inschools, work places, churches, and communities. Our ultimate goal is to motivate and impact every audience we speak to, so we can change hearts and save lives.

Thanks to our local sponsor, Big John Steak & Onion, we are having a CONTEST and giving 6 FREE WORKSHOPS away to residents in Michigan. But hurry, deadline is coming up in September.

Is Bullying Gay?

In today’s language kids and teens go around saying, “That’s so gay,” about virtually everything. I’ve even heard my own boys say that and quickly corrected them, not wanting to offend or hurt anyone. Although they meant nothing by it, I knew their words could hurt.

Sadly, my boys are not the only ones saying hurtful things or verbally abusing the LBGT community. In my research I found some shocking and tragic stories.

Zach King, from Columbus, Ohio was one of those horrifying stories. Due to his sexual orientation, he was beaten by a fellow high school student last fall. He’d been bullied since the 3rd grade. Kids would say you sound like a girl. They called him “fag” and said he acted “girly”. The brutal beating in high school, which was the worst bullying yet, where he was punched 20 times in the face, was actually taped on a cell phone and then put on Facebook for everyone to see. This happened in a classroom full of students and bystanders, yet, no one helped him.

Thankfully, Zach didn’t commit suicide, instead, he fought back. Today he works alongside his mother as an activist against bullying for LBGT, shares his story, and speaks out to help others. He even received the Flame of Liberty Award from the ACLU this year. Read Zach’s touching story and another story about him here.

Another alarming incident happened just this year, when a New York student, 14 year old Kardin Ulysse was attacked by another student. He actually lost his sight in one eye. After two surgeries doctors have given up and say he will need a transplant. They are not sure if the damage to his eye was from the blows from the punches or the shards of glass from his eyeglasses. Read Kardin’s Full Story.

Tragically, Zach and Kardin are NOT ALONE. Upon digging deeper and doing more research, I have learned some heartbreaking statistics today. I found that the number one reason Lesbians and Gays are bullied is due to their appearance—the way they choose to look/dress. The second reason is because of their gender identity. In one of our workshops, a boy who was gay came up afterwards, gave me a hug and said, “Thanks for your message today. Nobody accepts me for who I am, so I’ve been pretending I’m not gay just so I won’t get teased and people will like me.” How sad!

I discovered that:

Bullying Statistics say 1 in 7 kids are bullied or are the bully. Yet, 9 out 10 Lesbians and Gays have reported being bullied over the last year.

· LBGT, those with disabilities, and those overweight are bullied 63% more than others.

· Gays/Lesbians are 5 times more likely to miss school because they feel unsafe.

· 28% of LBGT’s feel forced to drop out of school all together.

· LBGT are 2-3 times more likely to attempt or commit suicide more than their peers.

In June of this year, a precious teen, 16-year-old, Brandon Elizares, from El Paso, TX, took his own life after being bullied and threatened at school because of his sexuality. His suicide note read, “I couldn’t make it.” His mother reported that kids had threatened to stab and burn him to death. However, she believes the school did everything they could on their part. This was a vicious attack of cyber bullying and cyber threats. Read Brandon’s Story Here.

In Light of Brandon’s Story and Others, Our organization took a closer look at all the bullycides that were reported in the USA since 2009.

We found the following stories online:

· In 2012-- 31 kids/teens were victims of bullycide / 6 of which were openly gay

· In 2011-- 43 kids/teens were victims of bullycide / Also 6 of which were openly gay / 3 called gay

· In 2010-- 40 kids/teens were victims of bullycide / 8 of which were openly gay / 2 called gay

America needs to wake up before it’s too late! Be the example you want your children and others to follow!

Great stars like Ellen DeGeneres have paved the way for those coming out and choosing openly gay lifestyles! I’m not gay or lesbian—but I do love Ellen!

Everyone in the world needs to see the fact that we are all different, yet we are all the same.

Our Anti-Bullying CHANGE workshops are geared to bring Change & Equality to all people and stop abuse, bullying and violence.

In one of our demonstrations: I give a few kids, teens, and adults (whoever is present in our workshops) various pieces of change, all totaling a dollar. I explain that it all looks different, but yet is entirely equal, of the same value, and can be spent the same. That’s how human beings are, we’re all different (race, gender, sexuality, color, etc), yet each of us has the same value and worth! Each of us wants the same thing, to be loved and accepted for who we are. We challenge everyone to have a CHANGE OF HEART and decide not to be victims, bystanders, and bullies. We encourage them to make a change, and be survivors, so they can be the change for others to see. Our ultimate goal is to CHANGE HEARTS & SAVE LIVES in memory of our son, Brian, who lived and died forgiving his bullies. After he died we found a CHANGE jar he’d been saving… Read More Here

Written by: Lisa Freeman @ www.abusebites.com, who’s daughter, Melissa, is openly a lesbian. However, before Melissa made that decision, kids teased her relentlessly saying she looked like a boy and called her gay. Everyone in Freeman’s family was abused or bullied (even their dogs!), and have not only survived, but healed. Lisa shares their inspirational stories of abuse, bullying and survival abroad!

As I was doing some research through some notes I'd kept, I found this awesome article that is still very relevant today!

1. Listen to what your child has to say: Being a good listener is an important piece of your role when your child is being bullied. One of the best questions you can ask your child is, “What can I do to be helpful?” When your child tells you what’s going on at school, as much as it hurts to listen, be open and able to hear what he has to say. Try to be supportive but neutral when he’s talking. When you react too strongly to what your child is saying, he might stop talking because he’s afraid he’s going to upset you.

The other side of listening is not blaming your child. Don’t put the responsibility for the bullying on him or try to find a reason for it; there is no good reason or excuse for what’s happening. If your child is being bullied, he is the victim, so trying to find a reason for why he’s “bringing it on himself” really isn’t helpful. Never blame your child because it makes him anxious and reduces what he’s going to tell you. Your goal is that he continues to communicate what’s going on.

2. If you were bullied as a child, try not to personalize what is happening. If you were bullied when you were younger, the same situation with your child will most likely bring up painful memories. It’s okay to connect with your child about how it feels to be bullied, but don’t take the problem on as if it’s yours alone. I think the most important thing to do when your child is bullied is to remember the responses you received from others that were—or weren’t—helpful. Use what worked and avoid doing what was unsupportive or hurtful.

3. Don’t retaliateagainst the bully or his family. As tempting as it might be to take matters into your own hands and retaliate against the bully or his family, don’t do it. This is where you have to set some examples for your child on how to problem solve. It’s very difficult to hear that your child is being threatened; of course you want to immediately stop the hurt. But remember, retaliating won’t help your child solve the problem or feel better about himself. Instead, take a deep breath and think about what you can do to help your child handle what he’s facing.

4. Coach your child on how to react: Bullies tend to pick on people who they can get a reaction from; they choose kids who get upset and who take the teasing to heart. They also look for kids who won’t stand up for themselves, or who they can overpower. It’s important to teach your child how to react. We coached our son on how to avoid bullies at school and who to go to if he felt unsafe. We also did role plays together where we practiced not reacting to what the bullies said. Another part of what we did was set it up so that our son had some control over what was going on. He couldn’t stop the bullying right away, but he could get himself away from it and he could find someone to talk to about it.

5. Find a teacher or administrator at your child’s school who will help: Remember, it is the school’s responsibility to stop bullying; I think most take that seriously. The saving grace for our son was the guidance counselor at his school. She provided a safe place for our son to go when he was being picked on. The guidance counselor wanted him to feel like he had some control over the situation, so our child was the one taking the initiative to talk with her. (While we didn’t openly discuss this with him, he knew at some level that we were also talking to the guidance counselor.) We felt it was important for our child to have some sense of taking this problem on and solving it by going to the guidance counselor on his own.

After he started talking with her, she let him know that he could just sit in her office, even if she wasn’t there; the school allowed him to basically take a time out or break to get away from the bullying situation. Again, that gave him some control over what was going on. It gave him a source of support and made him feel like he wasn’t powerless. By talking to the guidance counselor and using his pass to go to her office, it showed him that there were some solutions to the situation.

It’s also important to make sure your child keeps talking—whether it’s with you, a guidance counselor or a trusted teacher, it’s important that he keeps communicating about what’s going on.

6. Take your child’s side: When our son was being bullied, we constantly reaffirmed that there were things he could do to handle the situation, and that he was in fact doing them. We let him know that we were going to get him help and that we loved him and we were going to support him. We also said that there was no excuse for what was happening to him. Make sure to let your child know that you’re on his side; he needs to understand that you don’t blame him and that you will support him.

We also let our child know that if he retaliated against the group, by swearing back or even fighting, that we wouldn’t punish him at home. Our son was bullied physically and verbally, and we told him that he could do what he needed to do to protect himself. We told him that he would still have consequences at school for any misbehavior because that would be against the rules, but we didn’t add to them at home.

7. Get support: Be sure to talk to your spouse or to supportive family or friends. Sometimes I would burst out crying after hearing about what had happened to our son. There were definitely times when James and I got angry. I think the bottom line is that this situation can really bring out emotions from parents.

We found that we needed to talk with each other about this as a couple because it was so hurtful, and because we wanted to be clear in how we communicated to our son. I recommend that single parents reach out to somebody—a family member, friend, or someone at the school—anyone who can help you help your child. We reached out to friends and colleagues as well, and asked how they handled it when it happened to their kids. If nothing else, it helped us feel like we weren’t alone and that there wasn’t anything wrong with our child.

8. Teach your child to name what’s happening: For younger kids, it’s important to be able to name what’s happening as “bullying.” For a child who’s feeling picked on, it’s empowering to be able to really name it. They’re teaching a lot about bullying prevention in school these days and “bully” is such a negative word that it’s good for your child to be able to attach it to the behavior. This is truly empowering for many children and can work with older kids, as well.

9. Find something your child is really good at doing: Help your child feel good about himself by finding something he can do well. Choose some activities he’s good at and reinforce it verbally. Our son got involved in swimming and it was very helpful for his self–esteem.

Fortunately, he got through that year and developed some great friendships. That summer we signed him up for a summer camp program. He went there still feeling a bit like a victim, and came out a completely different human being. Camp was a place where he really excelled and it just fed his self–esteem.

So try to find a positive experience for your child to help him feel good about himself. Remember, every time he succeeds, it helps him develop better self–esteem; that feeling is the opposite of how the bullies make him feel.

Bullying is not something your child is going to get over immediately—or simply because he wants it to be over. It can be long a process. The lesson for our son was that while he couldn’t stop people from saying bad things, he had some control over how he responded to it.

Look at it this way: a lot of people feel stuck in their jobs. But the minute they figure out that they have a choice—that they can either stay there or go somewhere else—they feel better. It’s that stuck place, that feeling of being completely powerless and trapped, that is the worst. I think what our son got out of this whole situation was finding those small pieces of control and exerting them, bit by bit.

Again, all of this took a lot of time. We didn’t come up with solutions quickly. It took time for our son to trust the guidance counselor and then for us to encourage him to go talk to her. After a while, we could see that everything we were doing was starting to work. Overcoming a bullying episode takes support, and it takes everyone working together as a family to make it happen.

Signs that your child is being bullied:

· Not going to the bathroom at school. A lot of bullies attack in the bathroom, away from cameras and adults. Avoiding unsupervised activities and areas.

· Getting upset after a phone call, text or email.

· Losing friends they previously had.

· Being more isolated and skipping activities that they used to enjoy. Spending more time alone in their rooms.

· Making negative statements about themselves and engaging in negative self talk.

With school being out for the summer, parents aren't contacting us here at Abuse Bites so much.

Yet, I've read story after story about kids being singled out, beaten and horribly victimized. One 10 year old boy was even burned with a lighter on a bus! Video Here

When interviewed about bullying teens said things like, you don't want to be the little kid who sits by himself at the lunch table. But bullying is far worse than just the lunch room these days. Cyber bullying stalks kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Five kids from the Boys and Girls Club of Kansas City said they had been mean online, but had never been bullied themselves. More

Cyber Bullying has a viral spread that we must constantly keep up to date on. It used to be simply bad/negative words in text, now it is hate pages on facebook (two middle school girls were even arrested) and sexting, sending sexual images via cell phone/computer. Kids and teens don't realize how someone can take that image and use it against them. More

It's tough for us as parents to sit by and watch our kids be hurt and wither away to nothing. But we can't very well, fight back like this father, and hire someone to beat our kids bully. More About This Story

As a child, teen and even adult I was abused and bullied more than I ever shared.

My mom wasn’t one of those mothers you could talk to. She rarely cried and didn’t want any of us kids moping or having problems. When I had night terrors as a child, she took me to the doctor and they prescribed me sleeping pills. Still I woke up many times at night in a sweat, gasping for air. I thought I was dying. But it was just panic attacks and post traumatic stress syndrome from all the abuse I suffered.

Back then we had lots of sexual predators in the neighborhood. But today, sexual predators and bullies can get to your children 24 hours a day 7 days a week via the internet and or their cell phones.

Dr. Jennifer Caudle of the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey-School of Osteopathic Medicine states says, “Bullying can happen wherever kids gather – in school, at summer camp or in cyberspace. Bullying isn’t just limited to the classroom. Talking with your kids about bullying is just as important in the summer as it is during the school year – especially when it is time to head to summer camp.” Read More

Happy Birthday in Heaven Brian. RIP

No More Hurtful Words & Painful Surgeries.

Losing a child is probably by far the hardest thing a parent has to face. So my heart goes out to all VICTIMS & HEROES of Bullying & Abuse and their families today!

A Tribute to my son, Brian and all Victims & Heroes of Bullying & Abuse:

Although you've only been gone for nearly two years, it seems like forever. However, I can still see your smile, feel your love and compassion for others, and the drive you had to stop abuse, bullying and violence.

Last year on your birthday, we launched 23 balloons from your grave site, with messages written on them and cards attached to stop bullying in your memory.

This year, we launch our brand new website in your memory and honor to continue your mission to CHANGE HEARTS & SAVE LIVES and stop bullying in the USA. Love and hugs all the way to heaven!

I will try to commit to keeping a regular blog, so our readers, supporters, and fans will know what's going on. Many times, working with a volunteer staff, keeps me fairly busy. Although I enjoy writing, I don't always get the time to do so.

Obviously we are in the works trying to build a more informative, compact website. As you can see we have a whole new home page. We offer the same great programs and information, but with less reading and pages to thumb through, so that those needing help can get that help immediately, and those needing a more in depth training or healing workshop can get in touch with us to set that up too.

Last weekend we had our first Fundraiser of the year at Walmart, where many of you came out to see us and encourage us. We are partnering with Faith Family Glo Kids in our 3rd Annual CHANGE Benefit--COOKING for a CAUSE--A Cooking Contest & Carnival all in one. So far we've raised a few hundred dollars each. Our goal is at least $5,000 for just the Abuse Bites organization. Got any ideas of generating funds, please let us know!

We are also applying for grant funding to help with our CHANGE of HEART TOUR across the USA to raise awareness on abuse, bullying and violence, while offering education, prevention, and healing for all those affected. We estimate that we will need $1,000,000.00 or more to cover our expenses.