I think I might have miscalculated. That’s a relief. I hate babysitters. Renewed? Have I? That’s it, I’ve been renewed. It’s part of the TARDIS. Without it I couldn’t survive. Nine hundred years of time and space, and I’ve never been slapped by someone’s mother.

You don’t understand so you find excuses. I’m the Doctor, I can save the world with a kettle and some string! And look! I’m wearing a vegetable! Don’t be sad Grace. You’ll do great things. You may be a doctor. But I’m the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.

Oh my word! Shut it, Hoodie! The Time Lords are an immensely civilised race. We can control our own environment – we can live forever, barring accidents, and we have the secret of space/time travel. My carer. She cares so I don’t have to. Please, when Torchwood comes to write my complete history, don’t tell people I travelled through time and space with her mother! Did I? It must be the carrot juice making me colour blind! A little gratitude wouldn’t irretrievably damage my ego. Oh, for God’s sake! Gallfrey stands!

Well, who are you boys? Oh, of course! Are you his companions? We all have a universe of our own terrors to face. People spend all their time making nice things and then other people come along and break them! Sorry, I’m going to have to relieve you of your pet. Shut up, I was talking to the horse. Rose… before I go, I just want to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And do you know what? So was I! A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.

Renewed? Have I? That’s it, I’ve been renewed. It’s part of the TARDIS. Without it I couldn’t survive. Bow ties are cool. I don’t suppose we’ll ever know if we actually succeeded. But at worst, we failed doing the right thing, as opposed to succeeding in doing the wrong. Eh? Doctor who? What’s he talking about…? I’m Scottish. I can complain about things now. I can really complain about things now. Have faith, Brigadier. Have I ever led you astray? Well, there’s a probability of anything. Statistically speaking, if you gave typewriters to a treeful of monkeys, they’d eventually produce the works of William Shakespeare.

Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority. Well Kangs, I must say, there’s no place like home… and this is no place like home. Lots of planets have a North. Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way. Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I’m saving the world? I reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. Physician, heal thyself. We are not of this race. We are not of this earth. Susan and I are wanderers in the fourth dimension of time and space. Shut it, Hoodie!