Dear Boo, We’re thru: Text Messages are Not a Wise Way To Breakup

In this day of massive technology, it has come to my attention that there are those among us who even, and unwisely, I might add, utilize technology in highly sensitive affairs such as ending relationships. A friend of mine told me that his cousin was recently arrested in St. Louis for the attempted murder of his former live-in girlfriend because of her text message to him. It seems that she moved out while he was at work and sent him a text saying that it was over. The jilted lover tracked her down and tried to strangle her to death. He claimed it was not because she left him but because of the insensitive text. After speaking to a half dozen people in the Inland Empire, I later discovered that a lot of people are breaking up through the use of text messages, especially women sending text messages to men.

Apparently women seem to overlook the well-documented fact that men don’t handle breakups with the greatest of ease. Most of the assaults against women are by estranged husbands and/or lovers. Breaking up is a delicate matter and should be carried out with wisdom and not technology.

A text message will get the ball rolling; I assure you it will not peacefully resolve the matter. Although men aspire to be suave or a player, when it comes to giving him his ‘walking papers’ many become stalkers, abusers, and even murderers.

While no method of saying goodbye is without emotional letdown, there are ways to enhance a woman’s safety and harmonious transition. The following are three suggestions for physically breaking up without getting physically broken up: (1) Talk Early and Often – The time of the actual breakup should not be the first time your partner is made aware that you have issues with how things are going. If the relationship must be ended, your partner may still be hurt, but at least you will be able to lay out a strong case as to why you would be better apart than together.

(2) Always End It in Person – There is nothing more cowardly and pathetic than ending a relationship over the phone, or even worse, through an e-mail or text message.

Yet, more and more couples are finding this an acceptable medium for cutting ties. If you can’t handle the prospect of ending a relationship in person, you shouldn’t start one in the first place.

(3) Don’t become a spare lover l ike a spare tire in the trunk of a car – When you break up with someone it’s usually because of some essential incompatibility; to be a good sport and not cause too much disappointment many couples allow the sexual part of the relationship to linger in the name of “friendship with benefits.” This is a result of the ending not being clear.

Many women find themselves in the emergency room as a result of tapering off the benefits instead of cutting them off after jealousy of the “friend with benefits” erupts, which might prompt the resulting text message to her friends and family: “Hi there, need prayer.”

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