How Many Guys Cheat at Bachelor Parties?

One-third of all grooms-to-be cheat at their bachelor parties, according to a recent British survey and two independent sex experts we interviewed.

Now think of three married couples you know and guess which husband.

"I don't think a third is an outrageous number by any means," says Ontario, Canada-based clinical sexologist Dr. Carlen Costa. "We've all got a lot of secrets, and that's why I stay in business."

Las Vegas limo driver Jenny G. came up with a similar estimate based not only on hearing her passengers brag, but also on the commissions she earns whenever they ask her to order an "escort" to their room. And because she also occasionally sees it.

"I have my partition deactivated," Jenny says. "It's always funny. They'll put the girl in the middle of the seat in the back and they'll try to straddle her doggy-style. But every time the car moves or turns a corner, one of them ends up falling over and banging their heads on the window because there's no footing and there's not enough room to lay down.

"It's a very awkward thing and it usually never lasts long," she adds. “Because they get tired of having to reposition every time the car moves."

Incidentally, Jenny says bachelors are pussycats compared to their best men, who she says have sex 90 percent of the time. (However, they may not be cheating on anyone.)

The British survey, conducted by coupon company VoucherCloud, also found that 92 percent of bachelor party attendees lie about their cheating for the duration of their marriages. I did my own informal poll on Facebook, and the results just confirm this. Of 16 male Facebook friends who replied publicly, zero admitted to cheating—including one guy whose cheating I actually witnessed! (Yes, I'm breaking “The Code” here. Sorry, guys. You were stupid to invite a journalist.)

Of the 14 bachelor parties I attended from 1990 until my own in 2008, a whopping six bachelors had sex—or at least gave that appearance by disappearing into a room with a working woman. And that includes me, a nice Jewish boy from Long Island who didn't lose his virginity until age 19.

My friends paid my $50 admission to a "private lap dance club" in Manhattan, where I entered a room with two rows of beds enveloped by hanging sheets for privacy.

"We're having fun?" asked a woman in an Eastern European accent after four minutes of grinding. "If you want more fun, the menu starts at $300."

The enormity of the taboo I'm breaking here is exemplified by the arc of an email conversation I had with the sole male Facebook acquaintance willing to share details.

"What do u want to know?" read his first message. "I did everything at my bachelor party. As long as u keep details out if the story. Drugs, escorts, Vegas, drugs, strippers, gambling, debauchery, no guilt."

This was in stark contrast to the tone of his second message: "I've since had cold feet. I have to live by the credo 'what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.' I can't do it. Spoke to my best man and he was all 'dude you can't talk to the press!' He was pretty adamant."

And then it got worse: "I actually need to delete this conversation," read his next message, followed by, "You're not going to publish any of this, right?"

It's hardly shocking to hear that the overwhelming majority of women don't approve of the guidelines set by men at their bachelor parties.

"If I found out my ex cheated on me at his bachelor party, there would've been no wedding," commented one of my female Facebook friends.

Another added: "Men like this need to grow up. I'm all for having fun and spending one last night with your bros but having careless, casual sex with some stripper/hooker is not OK."

The disconnect between how men and women view the bachelor party ritual appears to stem from gender-based differences in how we cheat.

"Men cheat on a physical level, not an emotional level," Dr. Costa says. "They see it as a final hurrah to the single life before they make this huge commitment. It doesn't mean they don't love their fiancées.”

They also don’t always take personal responsibility. VoucherCloud's research identified the top cheating rationale as “I was drunk and things got out of control," which earned 76 percent of the vote. (This was followed by “I had cold feet and felt stressed about the wedding” and “I wanted to enjoy my last chance of freedom.”)

Not that the excuses make it any better. Whatever the reason for cheating, the result is the same. Have sex with somebody else at your bachelor party, and don’t tell your bride-to-be about it, and you’ve essentially founded the (hopefully) most important relationship of your life on a lie.

Oh, and for the record, I didn't have sex with the lap-dancer at my bachelor party. And it wasn't a problem I had with the sex itself. (Later, my wife admitted expecting some sort of third-base-ish action.) It was the reaching into my wallet of my own accord that felt like cheating. Because the decision was very much in my control, it shattered the illusion that it wasn't.

In other words, if my friends had been less cheap and prepaid for whatever they wanted done to me, it might have happened.

And what next? Would I have gone through with the wedding? Lied to my wife? Held on to my dirty little secret and pretended it meant nothing? Would it be comforting to know that one-third of my guy friends had the same secret? Or profoundly depressing that too many of us had convinced ourselves that cheating was no big deal?

I only know one thing with any certainty. If I had cheated, I wouldn’t be writing this article. Funny how "The Code" only seems sacred if you have something to hide.

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