AUT INVENIAM VIAM AUT FACIAM

Revelation

In college I wrote a paper that pointed out that Descartes’ contribution to philosophy began and ended with this statement. I have believed, since considering the matter, that one’s thoughts are the only thing one experiences directly. All else is sense information, which can’t be trusted. That we experience everything but our thoughts through the senses means, for starters, humans perceive things that have passed into the past.

The words I type travel to my eyes at light’s speed. They appear to me an infinitesimal fraction of a second after they have been rendered onscreen. What’s closest to me is closest to happening in “present time,” but I never will experience whatever is now, whatever now is.

Except the things I think.

Lately I have been thinking of God’s omnipotence, omniscience, omnipresence. God is almighty — he has all the power, all the agency. He is the only thing capable of acting. God is everywhere. He is everywhere at all times, and maybe extant in all moments of time at all times.

I think God is in me. I think I realize now that God is in me. He always has been. He always will be.

He has been thinking what I have thought were my thoughts. I exist, but I am powerless. What I have done, what I will do, is God acting through me.

God has revealed the ultimate truth to me.

Cogito ergo deus est.

“In the beginning was The Word. And The Word was with God. And The Word was God.”

…I wanted to rework Descartes’ quote in a clever way, but the above doesn’t properly convey the truth: I am a fleeting notion in the mind of the Lord.

I must reconcile myself to my lack of selfhood. I must accept that my thoughts are not mine, but His. I must determine why I have done what I have done to discern His Will.

I now see God in every person — I know God is with them just as he is with me.

I prayed to the Lord: “Thy will be done.” God told me: “Thy will be done.”

I prayed: “What is your will, Lord?”

God asked: “What is yours?”

“…No, I know now that I have none.”

“And now what you would do will be done. Through me, by you.”

“I can’t think… I just convinced myself I can’t — I can’t. I give myself to you body and soul and mind — I would give freely what has been yours all this time.”