Liza Minnelli attended the Academy Awards last night because her mother, Judy Garland, was being honored for some reason, and what better way to pay tribute to the woman who gave birth to you 67 years ago than by going commando? Liza’s decision to not wear a bra to the Oscars not only left her tits looking like the lowest branches on a weeping willow, but what made the whole thing really come together was that fact that her nipples clung to the material like a frightened child, and that gave us all a perfect look at her big old lady milk saucers. Speaking of the kids, somewhere, a young boy was probably watching the show with his parents, and he caught a glimpse of Liza when they showed her on the red carpet or in the audience, and those nipples are the first that he’d ever see in his life. And that, friends, is how Broadway’s engine keeps running.