Lifetime Is On My Shitlist Now

Normally, I love Lifetime. I've posted on this blog numerous times about the channel's ability to deliver "so bad it's good" television, from Tori Spelling "films" to reruns of Reba.

But now they have dared to come out with some "original programming," never a good idea for a basic cable channel (unless you're AMC's "Mad Men"). Lifetime is busy pitching a show called Drop Dead Diva which is set to premiere on July 12.

Here's the premise. A pretty, thin girl and a fat girl die at the same time. Then the pretty, thin girl has to redeem herself by having her brain put inside the fat girl's body and living life that way. As a fat girl!

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The pretty, thin girl's body is buried. What happens to the fat girl's brain is beyond me because it is gone, only to be replaced by the pretty, thin girl who is shocked to discover that it's a tough world out there for a fat girl.

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Gee, do you think after several scenes shot through a Vaseline-smeared lens that Pretty Thin Girl Trapped in the Body of Fat Girl will discover that it's what's on the inside that counts? I am willing to say right here and now in this public forum that if that lesson is not learned by the third episode of Drop Dead Diva I will personally eat my hat. I don't own a hat, actually, but honestly, if that lesson is not learned by the main character by the third episode, I will go purchase a hat, and I will eat it.

What would the male version of this story be? I'm thinking something called Drop Dead Dick in which a guy with a big dick dies and is reborn into the body of a guy with a tiny dick, only to discover that it's quality not quantity that counts. Of course that storyline is ridiculous because we all know size does actually count in real life (sorry boys).

But beyond that, a show about male appearance would never be created because men are not really judged on appearance in the same way that women are. Sad, cold fact of life. If they wrote this show about guys, it would probably be a rich guy reborn into the body of a poor guy. Still a stupid fucking plot, but not as degrading.

I would expect the kind of flimsy storyline of Drop Dead Diva from, say, ABC Family Channel. But Lifetime? My solid lady channel? Now that's just sad and wrong. Unless they make a corresponding show about dicks to even things out, I'm thinking about boycotting.

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