ON MARTHA STEWARTI'm so tired of getting teased about painting my tractors black! And she said: "Well, I paint all mine grey" (2007)

MEETING ARTIST GEORGIA O'KEEFE WHEN HE WAS 12What's wrong with her? She's wrinkly; she doesn't have any make-up on (1974)

CONSIDERING A POLITICAL CAREERWe have the Terminator as governor, and we had an actor as president, so why shouldn't we have a fashion designer as a senator? (2008)

ON THE PRIVATE TOMAt home, off-duty, I wear T-shirts from Fruit of the Loom – but I have them tailored (2009)

AFTER ASKING FOR LIGHTS TOBE TURNED DOWN AT A TACO EATERIE IN NOTTING HILLGreat – now we all look even more beautiful (2006)

ON THE DIFFERENCE BETWEENGUCCI WOMAN AND SAINT LAURENT WOMANThe Gucci woman – you know what she's after. The Saint Laurent woman – she's going to torture you a little bit. You might have sex, but she will drip a little hot wax on you first (2001)