Most of my adult life had been lived in places where pets are banned. My recent move has allowed me to make up for a lack of fur and feathers in a major way. Let me introduce you to all the critters I share a yard with.

Popcorn

I’ve written about her. She’s a frisky little kitten who climbs trees she cannot get out of, taunts animals she cannot beat, and prefers sleeping exactly like a human; under the covers with her head popping out as she purrs a purr that would wake the dead.

Bailey

Bailey is an old sweet dog. She’s twelve and cannot hear a thing. I love dogs, but I woudn’t say I am a dog person, except for Bailey. She’s quite literally the most perfect dog I have ever met.

Lil Cock

This is the only adult rooster. He is a fine rooster and does his job well. If you walk towards any of the hens, he’s right there ready to peck your face off. I am scared of him. In reality, if he were to attack me for going after a hen I could kick him just like I did in P.E. playing kickball. But I don’t want to kick him, he’s useful. Sometimes, I have dreams that Lil Cock is charging at me like a bull and he’ll peck my face off. And yes, he wakes you up in the morning. Though he does not cocka-doodle-do. Instead he says cocka-doo-doo as if he is spinning his reacord the same as a DJ. He’s so techno.

White Laying Hens

These ladies all look the same, naming them would be pointless. I love them because they make me eggs every day. And let me tell you internet posse, the difference between fresh eggs and grocery store eggs is crazy. They have way more flavor and the yolk’s color is almost orange-red. Yum.

Cornish Cross Chickens

I hate these fat idiots. I also pity them. Bred to eat like freaks, they grow at a disgusting rate and cannot walk much because they are so fat. Have you seen Food Inc.? These are those chickens from the film. I will never buy them again. The largest one Max named, Fat Boy. The others are nameless gluttons. Gross.

Red Broilers

The common name for these chicks is great, it leaves no illusion to where they are headed (my plate). They grow slower than the Cornish Cross, but they also can actually walk and roam about the pen. They are amazing dancers. They’re really getting jumpy and play-fighting each other, but I like to think it’s a well choreographed dance they have been rehearsing for months.

Bronze Turkeys

These guys are still pretty young. We have three and one will grace the table on the most wonderful holiday of the year, Thanksgiving. The other two will gobble around the yard until I need lunch meat.

Red Laying Hens

Yes, we have a lot of birds. These are the newest to the family. Our white laying hens are going to dry up at some point, so we bought five new ones that will give me brown eggs at some point. They are so shy and haven’t warmed up to the rest of the chickens in their coop. I hope sometime soon they learn the chicken dance.

Lupe

Lupe is my favorite chicken. While Lil Cock is the only of his kind, he is the king of the birds so his individuality is admired. Lupe is his daughter. Her mother and siblings died due to a coyote choosing them as a midnight snack. (The coyote was shot and his skull will someday hang on my wall, but that’s an entirely separate blog.) Lupe drifts around the property in a daydream state like a misunderstood, shy teenager. Think about it, Lupe’s an only child because her mother and siblings were murdered. Her dad is the ruler of the land who doesn’t know how to raise a daughter and he is too busy for deep father/daughter talks because he is constantly alongside his harem. I’ve written a Haiku dedicated to my favorite bird, Lupe.

Lupe

Mother murdered, gone

Will coyote’s be your fate?

Be safe small brown bird!

Those are my animal friends who live here in the mountains with me. Also I have countess snakes, birds, spiders, deer etc. I didn’t choose those wild things as pets, but I’d like to think of them as such, especially these cute little muppet looking baby birds that hatched recently on my front porch:

i am so jealous that you live on a “farm”! we talk about doing it but i don’t think it’s ever going to happen . i do have to say that i love your cock! he’s handsome!!! LOLOLOLOL yes, i’m still that immature!