Did you know that when Rick Santorum lost the Republican primary this spring, he became Pope of America? It's a little known clause in the Constitution that allows any crazy person who runs for President and wins at least one primary to declare themselves King of something as a consolation prize. Rick Santorum has chosen to crown himself King of Morality. And he's declared Obamacare a sin.

The sexual orifice-obsessed ex-Senator from Pennsylvania explained to the 12 people still wearing cross stitched SANTORUM 2012 sweatshirts who have been following him around since January (they're like people who followed The Grateful Dead, except they smell like self-righteousness rather than weed/sweat/patchouli) that Obamacare, a program designed to make health care more affordable to the poor (who Jesus was a fan of), is actually something that will drive Catholics to confession from the sinning it will cause. Said Santorum, at an Ohio campaign event for Mitt Romney,

We have a president who, for the first time in American history, is directly assaulting the First Amendment and freedom of religion. He is going to tell you what to do in the practice of your faith. He is forcing business people right now to do things that are against their conscience, that they will have to – if you're a Catholic – you'll have to go to confession … to confess that you are complying with a government program that is a sin in the Catholic Church.

When Mitt Romney was the governor of Massachusetts, the precursor to Obamacare he championed while in office covered not only the evil sin-causing emergency contraception, but also abortion.

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Maybe Rick Santorum should go to confession. Or school. Or away forever.