The Eyes

Excerpt: As I sat into my car to leave for school just behind the big tree I saw somebody staring at me, it was a quite disturbing I just turned my face and hopped into the car. (Reads: 253)

Short Story for Children – The Eyes(Note: Image does not illustrate or has any resemblance with characters depicted in the story)Photo credit: juditu from morguefile.com

It was raining hard that day. Playing video games was such fun with my elder brother, and especially to win . The yummy gajar halwa left a lingering taste in my mouth though I cheated mom by having papa’s share too. Mommy had tucked me in my favourite blanket. I had no idea when I fell asleep, but woke up to a loud shuddering noise. It shook me up, thought I should wake up mommy but then came back to my sheets, thinking that she must be tired . My mom was an Investment Banker and my papa worked for a news channel and often returned when I was fast asleep.

The next morning was quite pleasant , as a girl of eight I was ardent admirer of mother nature and loved the colourful evenings. As I sat into my car to leave for school just behind the big tree I saw somebody staring at me, it was a quite disturbing I just turned my face and hopped into the car.”Mommy there is somebody behind that tree”I shouted ,

“oh come on neha!! please don’t disturb me when I am driving how many times do I have to remind you.? ”

“I am sorry mom” I apologised .The whole day at school I was thinking who was that ? What did he want?. Again that night there was loud thundering and it rained heavily ” The gods must have been angry today” I said to myself.

“Neha please close the windows”

“okay mommy” I daunted. Just when I reached my hand to the handle I saw a tall figure by the tree. I went numb “Oh my god”! Boggieman!! my heart pounded so hard that I could hear it and felt the beats on my lips I was shivering , just then my mom entered the room and I squealed mommy I just saw the boogieman “.

What????? She growled

Enough of your pranks you little one . Now off to bed.

No mommy please please!!!. Just take a look , by the tree I pleaded.

Okay she said she peeped hard and said neha “Let me explain” , she drew me close and said honey what you have just seen must have been a shadow its quite normal in monsoon, I nodded in consent though i did not believe her.

Holding her tight, I pleaded her “mommy will you please sleep next to me tonight.”

She smiled , kissed my forehead and said you cannot be so scared, it was easy for her too say that but I could hardly close my eyes. After long time the next morning when I woke up I found mommy and papa both sitting next to my bed

I gathered some courage and asked mommy Has the boggieman gone??? .

There is no boggieman neha !!!!! Why do you tell her such stories smitha???? .

Papa I cried!!!! I haven’t told her any story , mommy exclaimed .Welcome back dear she added, papa I saw the boggieman he was standing by the tree.

I saw him in the morning too when I sat in the car.

Oh! now I guess how she got that temperature from.Mommy slapped her forehead. Okay honey next time he scares you I am going to punch him hard !!!!

“You sure papa”? I asked, he nodded. Well yes my dear. I kept looking at him he quickly winked at mommy and smiled. I did not go to school that day and stayed with shanti aunty , my nanny .That night I woke up to a converstion, I saw my mom and dad talking to somebody outside the main gate, but was quite scared to go out.

The next afternoon mommy me asked me to wear a new dress. Are we going out for lunch.?? I asked excitedly. No honey we are expecting a guest. Not sooner I heard the doorbell I ran towards the open door and was shocked to see the same figure which would scare me.

Mommy look the boggieman has come for me. No! No! My child I am no boogieman .Please don’t be afraid. Yes neha he is right !!!!. I was shaking all over “mommy I will never trouble you, are you going to send me away with him???

Mom said No my child sit down and let me explain. This is Ret.Colonel Sharma , we know him very well. He is no boggieman ? No let me tell you a secret . I looked at her attentively. When you were five year old we met with an accident at the highway both your mommy and I managed with minor injures but you fell off from your mommy’s arms and was badly hurt.

We learnt from the doctor that your cornea(eyes) were damaged permanently. We were totally heartbroken. But Mr. Sharma was going to lose something more precious his only grandson who had cancer, a fatal disease who was in the same hospital.

So hearing our story with a brave heart he came to us and said that we will restore your daughter’s eyesight.So you were operated, and …. and I have the eyes of your grandson neha asked? Yes my young lady.He answered wiping his tears.

Then why did you not come to meet us mommy questioned. I did not want neha to know about all this. After all she was a small child. Oh no uncle I am very big now and have understood all that mommy just said, You gave me a wonderful gift and I thought you were a boggieman !!!! How silly of me. So let’s have lunch now papa said, Oh yes am hungry tooo!!!! Neha jumped off the couch. She then held Mr sharma’s trembling hand leading him to the table. I just wanted to see neha just once as my end is near. You are welcome anytime mommy said. Yes must come often uncle, Neha chuckled

I have secret to share too said neha “I think I have the most beautiful eyes in the world.”

Recommended for you

Comments

Comments

Well, it was a decent read. But like my able friend Deloret Imnidian said, you need to work on it. Each of The characters have a past, like in everyday life, everyone does. And everyone speaks differently. So work on that. Make them more realistic and make their speech patterns more pronounced and independent. Make someone stutter, make someone use the occasional hindi/spanish/whatever language words in english, make someone in the habit of issuing orders instead of just talking… See what I mean? Good luck. Keep writing. You can do much better, it shows in your work. And please do read mine when you have time. http://yourstoryclub.com/short-stories-love/love-short-story-grampas-tale/

Turns out seeing boogieman can still be kind of a thrill.
It was a nice story, very suitable for children.
I just felt you need to work on execution of story, try to distinguish dialogues and narration, make it more reader friendly.
It is a good first attempt.
Keep writing…