This week’s Money Manners looks at who should pay legal fees when a family member wants to subdivide a property.

My husband and I own a large parcel of land with some of his family members. “Keith” and I would like to divide the property so that, instead of owning the entire property jointly, each owner becomes the sole proprietor of a portion of the parcel. The other owners have agreed. But they say that since we’re the only ones who want to divide the property, it’s up to us to pay for the survey of the land that dividing the property requires. We think that separately owned lots will ultimately benefit everyone and that everyone should pay. Who’s right? - Wondering

Dear Wondering:

They are. If one of your relatives wanted to construct on the property a pond in which you had no interest, would you be willing to pay for the installation just because he or she assured you that one day you’d be glad to have the pond there?

Since only you and Keith want to divide the property, you and he alone should pay for the expenses associated with doing so. We know, that’s a lot of money. Just be grateful that your family members are willing to accommodate your wishes. If they weren’t, hiring lawyers to force them to divide the property could really get expensive. Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

My relatives are complaining about me, and here’s why: This year, for my husband’s birthday, I asked everyone to come to our place to celebrate. I provided the drinks and dessert, which is what I could afford, but I asked each guest to bring his or her own dinner. Afterward, I learned that a lot of my relatives thought I shouldn’t have asked them to bring their own meals. I don’t see why any guest should mind helping out a host so she doesn’t have to foot the entire bill for an event. Is there some rule that says it’s wrong to give a party unless you’re willing to pay for everything? - L.K.

Dear L.K.:

No. But you violated a different rule: At a party in a private home, food should be communal. In asking your guests to bring their own meals, you may have thought you were only asking them to pitch in, but you weren’t. You were asking them to buy and eat their own personal dishes as if they were in a restaurant.

Next time, organize a potluck. Or better yet, just make it a drinks-and-dessert party. That’s within your budget, and your guests will appreciate the graciousness of an invitation that doesn’t come with an assignment.

* * *

Dear Jeanne & Leonard:

My friends are helping themselves to their kids’ money. Each year, every resident here receives a check from the government based on the revenue it takes in from the extraction of natural resources. Many of the people I know spend their children’s checks on everything from fuel, food and clothing to snow machines, boats and other big-ticket toys for grown-ups. Shouldn’t they be putting that money aside for their children? After all, the checks are made out to their kids, not to them. – Disgusted

Dear Disgusted:

Of course it’s wrong for parents to appropriate money intended for their minor children and spend it frivolously. But fuel, food and clothing are not fripperies. When children have an income stream, it’s not necessarily wrong for their parents to tap into it to help with household expenses that the parents would otherwise struggle to meet. Bottom line: If Richie Rich’s family were cashing his checks to blow on gambling junkets, we’d share your dismay. But if Marge and Homer Simpson were cashing Bart’s checks to help pay for a damaged roof, we wouldn’t.

To be clear, we’re not saying parents should take a “what’s yours is mine” view of their children’s money, only that it’s sometimes reasonable for a child with an income to help pay for family necessities.

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