Tag: Honesty

Soyou have that date with this folk you’ve probably never met before. Current of ideas flowing through our head and ‘what to do’ and ‘what not to do’. Confusion (or anxiety-if you prefer that term) seems to made your mind its temporary residence.Finally the hour comes. You are the agreed venue for the date. At this point you’re heart is probably giving you some nice DJ music (especially if its your first date). Now you’re wondering “OMG!!! Do I like nice? Is my hair looking good? Do I smell nice? What would be his/her first reaction when we meet face-to-face. Wollup (hold up) Dear…With all these confusion, you would probably just mess up this while thing.

Relax, you don’t need to overthink things, just keep on reading. Below are 10 tips that would help you achieve a perfect ‘first’ date night (or could it be ‘date morning or afternoon’-that would be a bit weird-night is just perfect)

Show Up Early
Showing up on time or fashionably late on your first date is a big turnoff. It shows that you didn’t care enough to plan ahead and get to the spot early. Make sure you know the quickest route to the date venue, and that you show up a few minutes early. In fact, showing up before the other person gets there is always a good idea. It puts you on strong footing, and shows your date you care about making a good impression

Ask Questions

This doesn’t mean you should take a list of questions with you to the date, but you should have questions in mind to ask your date. These questions don’t need to be intrusive, but they should show that you’re interested in learning more about the person. Some good questions are: ‘What qualities do you look for in your friends?’ and ‘What would your best friend say about you?

Go Easy On the Alcohol

Limit yourself to one alcoholic beverage during your date. Some people try to take the edge of their nervousness by drinking, which can lead to a buzz and disastrous conversation. And remember that your date is taking mental notes about everything you do, and if you’re slamming down cocktails, that may not gain you any brownie points.

Be Honest

One tendency on a first date is not to rock the boat, so people often give canned or safe answers to questions they are asked. But it’s always better to be honest with your opinions, though that doesn’t mean you should intentionally offend. First dates are all about making assessments, and people can tell if you’re speaking from the heart, or just giving standard responses.

No Dirty Talk

Not sure it has to be mentioned, by avoid talking about the bedroom. Unless you and your dates discover that you are freaks, this is not an appropriate topic for a first date. It’s not bold or interesting to reveal your desires to someone who is pretty much a stranger, so curb your conversation about the bedroom.

Dress Well

You don’t have to wear a tux or a suit, but don’t come in torn jeans and flip-flops either. Casual elegance is the name of the game, so show up as if you respect the person on the date and yourself. Anything ripped or stained is out, just keep business casual in mind, and you’ll be fine.

Don’t Check Your Phone

No matter how obsessed you are with your smartphone, don’t check it on your first date. If you take a call or send a text during the date, it’s a sign that you’re bored, or that you don’t respect your date enough to wait to use your phone. And frankly, unless it’s an emergency, there’s no reason to be on your phone during a date.

Smile

Another thing that sounds simple, but is often overlooked is the art of smiling. Smiling is one of the most effective ways to put your date at ease. A genuine smile shows that you’re having fun and that you’re enjoying spending time on the date.

Avoid Going Somewhere Distracting

What’s distracting? Going on a first date to a place that’s overflowing with beautiful women and hot guys. Your goal is to focus on your date without being tempted by distractions, so going to a club filled with women in skimpy dresses and men with muscles is probably not the best idea.

Do Your Research

Chances are that your first date was generated by another encounter, or by a dating website, so you do have the opportunity to do some background intel on your date. Most people have some kind of social media presence, so going on the person’s Facebook account can yield some information that you can use to generate conversation during the date.

Muhammad Ali will always be remembered for being the greatest champ to step into the boxing ring, but he was also a very enlightened and informed man. One of the many personal insights he shared during his lifetime addressed the worth of friendships. He said,“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”

His words reflect an importance that lies in our friendships that’s immense, unfathomable, and can only be understood by being a part of one. Our friendships pick us up, carry us further, and come from some of the most unlikely sources . In order to get the most out of our friendships, there are certain types of friends we should have in our lives to round out our social circles.

1. The Caretaker.
We all need a little help now and again and a friend who proudly plays the role of caretaker will never leave you wanting for more support.
Caretakers are the ones who remember the little things about you, who check in on you, and are the first ones to volunteer a helping hand. These sorts of friends are selfless givers who work towards the happiness of others.
Not only does having a caretaker friend benefit your social circle, it also makes you a more compassionate person. Research into understanding empathy has found that exposure to compassionate people causes our minds to match the same level of compassion we are picking up.
Generally kind and giving, caretakers set a good example for the rest of their circles and are just the type of friend you’d want.

2. The Couple.
This two-for-the-price-of-one friendship has a lot to offer to your group of pals.
Being around a loving and supportive couple can offer a healthy example to follow in your own relationships. Their presence teaches how a caring relationship handles both the good times and the bad in a way that is still respectful to both parties.
You can also use the couple in your life to increase your romantic potential. Research has found that newly dating couples who befriend established couples report feeling more “excited, enthusiastic, happy and closer to their partner.” The love lessons alone that you’ll learn from being friends with a couple will make up for all the lovey dovey behavior you may have to put up with from them.

Two friends taking a picture

3. The Adventurer.
Having someone in our lives who is good at giving us a push in the right direction is a valuable asset.
The adventurer friend is the one who is always up for a new endeavor and is set on taking you along for the ride. They can motivate you to push your personal boundaries, step up your game, or face your fears and, best of all, they will be right their with your throughout the adventure.
Those sorts of novelty adventures have been shown to be good for our health by encouraging wonder and curiosity, both of which benefit our mentalities and the world we live in.
That friend with a spirit that longs for adventure may pull you into a few unusual situations but it’s all a part of the journey.

4. The Planner.
Unfortunately, not all your friendships are built to last a lifetime, but planner friends are guaranteed to stick around.
The planner is the friend who keeps the group together. Life sometimes gets in the way, sidetracking us from certain priorities, causing friendships to suffer . What makes having a planner in your circle so valuable is that they will make it their priority to keep contact up within the group.
Research has found that not maintaining friendships was among the top 5 regrets that elderly patients reported feeling towards the end of their lives. Having a friend who makes staying connected easier will help alleviate the possibility of that burden.
Planners loyally ensure the whole gang stays together through all life’s moments, especially the ones when those friendships are needed the most.

5. The Honest Friend.
As much as we all enjoy hearing assessments of ourselves, we also require the truth, no matter how ugly it may be.
That’s where your honest friend comes in. We sometimes need someone who will be brutally honest with us in a way that is constructive. Without that honest friend keeping it real for us, well meaning “yes men” will give us the truth we want, not necessarily the truth we need, and disaster can strike from misinformation.
Besides gaining the right info from honest friends, they can also up your physical and mental health. Studies have found that living with less lies simplifies your life and helps personal relationships run more smoothly, thereby reducing unneeded stress.

The truth can hurt sometimes, but when coming from a friend, it’s just the sort of authenticity you need.
As an old saying goes “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”.

Regaining trust in marriage is no easy feat. Losing trust in your spouse is one of the loneliest and desperate feelings that a man or woman might experience. Whether due to finances , infidelity, distance, communication , or more, not knowing if you can still safely have faith in the person you love can be a difficult feeling to overcome for the strongest of marriages. Here are 7 tips for regaining trust in marriage.

1. Write Down Your Feelings
The first step to overcoming your feelings of distrust is to identify them. We highly recommend starting a journal . In your journal include entries about what happened to cause your feelings of distrust – was it something your spouse said or did? Or was it something deeply rooted within yourself that happened during childhood or another tragic event prior to marrying your spouse? By identifying the root cause of your feelings of distrust you will be able to get to the heart of the matter.
Let us be clear: this isn’t an easy thing to do. Be prepared for a fight. Not a fight with your spouse – but a fight within yourself. It is totally normal to feel insecure and scared to delve into the root cause of your distrust – but if you want to have a healthy marriage, it is something you have to do. Journaling gets your feelings out of your head and in the open where you can look at them from a different perspective. Acknowledging your feelings and allowing yourself to feel as you do will help you to take steps forward to rebuild trust with your spouse.
As you continue to work through your feelings and take steps toward a stronger marriage, make regular entries in your journal so that you can review the road that you took along the way. It will amaze you how far you have come in your personal growth as well as the progress you’ve made in your relationship.

2. Be Honest with Each Other
Once you have come to terms with your feelings, be completely honest with your husband/wife. Share what events caused you to feel as you do and how your trust in your marriage has been bruised. Talk with your spouse about what you plan to do to rebuild your trust and ask him/her what steps he/she plans to take so that you may work together to rebuild your marriage.
Don’t rush this part of the process. This is the time when you will realize just how important focused listening, loving one another, and leaning on God for wisdom and patience will get you through this process. Also, don’t be afraid to seek outside help if you are finding your communication is breaking down and you are not making the progress both of you desire to see. It is very important to diffuse any arguments between the two of you and find some one to help you work through this obstacle.

3. Identify Your Needs
As you work through your plan for rebuilding your trust, share with your spouse what you need from him/her. Explain what emotions and commitments you need so that you are in a place to continue to grow. In turn, ask him/her what you can do so that you can grow and rebuild your relationship together.
Don’t be afraid to admit if you aren’t able to give them what they need. Sometimes this happens. But if you are willing to at least try and learn to be able to give them what they need (so long as the need is healthy and not abusive) let them know that, too. There is no shame in admitting you need help in any area of life and it is best to be able to admit that and deal with it than let it linger and silently grow into resentment.

4. Give Yourself Time to Heal
Regaining trust won’t be a process that happens overnight. It will require you to remind yourself of the steps each of you are taking and how, together, you’re working to rebuild what you had before the challenge to your marriage. Over time, the reminders, in combination with continued growth (from both of you) will lead to a renewed sense of trust.

5. Take Baby Steps
As you work together to regain your trust in your marriage, take tiny steps until you are ready for larger ones. Perhaps the passion disappeared with the trust…then don’t expect yourself to regain it immediately. Taking small steps such as making his/her lunch (for work) or sending a “thinking of you” email during the workday will help you to begin adding the romance back to your marriage…a little bit at a time.

6. Date Each Other Again
Once trust has been lost, it’s important to go back to your beginning: dating each other again . When you’re emotionally ready, you must start from scratch at proving to one another why you were meant to be. Going out on a series of dates, complete with working to win one another’s heart , will help you to refocus on how your relationship began and where you can go (again) together.

7. Review Your Growth
Once you feel that you have renewed your trust in your marriage, review the entries that you made in your journal as you grew. Look at how far you traveled. Reviewing your journal will help prevent the challenge from getting in the way of your marriage in the future, as well as help you to see the personal growth that you’ve endured. Sharing your journal with your spouse will allow him/her to see into your journey and the steps that you’ve taken so that your trust in your marriage could be restored.