Monthly Archives: January 2017

A woman walked into a saloon and stood on a chair. “Fellas! My pussy is so big that I’ll give $100 to anyone who has something that I can’t take.”

A big cowboy got up and took off his size 16 cowboy boots and shoved them into her pussy. The boots were sucked right in. He grabbed a flashlight and, that too, was sucked in. He put his face in between her legs to get a better look and he got sucked in.

Inside he heard noises. “Is someone else in here?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’ve been in here for a week,” the voice said.

“Help me find my flashlight and we can get out of here,” said the cowboy.

“Hell,” said the other man, “help me find my keys and we can drive out.”

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.

The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog. The war weary soldier asked, “Please, ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, “You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?”

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road.

It shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows anything about “Webcomics” (a term I now despise), that I don’t actually draw my characters. In actuality, I painstakingly create these tables of body parts and shade them. Each body part has to be done in multiple configurations and angles. The finished product is where I put together the various body parts like paper dolls.

OK, some people actually do draw them and scan them in… But the style I’m using can’t actually be drawn, so instead I use these elaborate templates. I know I’m not the only one who does this, and some very popular webcomics actually do use this method of re-using stock images.

Occasionally I actually go back and update my templates. It’s why since 2011 the characters have had hands. It’s why the female breast looked really weird in all of my older comics. I review these templates and make adjustments and improvements. Some call it “Art Evolution”, and I don’t do it every week.

But right now I’m reworking arms and hands. If I do it right, no one should actually notice. If I do it wrong, you still won’t notice, because I’ll just continue to use the old templates.

Oh, and I’ve made the eyes bigger again. I’ve noticed that bigger eyes seem to make the characters cuter. I’m sure Margaret Keane would approve.

Pathos in the Plumbing

Flush Twice proudly presents:

Sunday’s Rant

So last week I got a call from work. They wanted me back on first shift, and they had already let the last remaining 3rd shift temp go. To be honest, I was relieved. I had had enough, and was eager to return to days.

Don't get me wrong. I actually enjoy working 3rd shift, but this time it was different. It wasn't like it used to be. I couldn't just go in, do my job, and go home. I had to deal with a whole bunch of random chaos every night.

So what's it like now that I'm back on 1st? Well, it's basically still chaos, but at least there are other people I know and trust to help me through it.

Kudos

Some of the daily jokes were provided by George, but a couple were left in the queue by an anonymous donor. Thanks goes out to George and whoever the mystery contributor is. It means a lot. If anyone else would like to add jokes to the site, you can do so on our submission page, or send an email to flush2x@gmail.com.

GET THE PLUNGER!

What is Flush Twice?

Flush Twice is a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes are published every Monday through Friday (midnight EST). There is also a comic in the sidebar that updates every Saturday. We’ve been operating since May of 2003.

Jokes are generously provided by visitors like yourself. If you would like to contribute, please check out our submission page, or e-mail flush2x@gmail.com. If you know anyone who constantly e-mails you jokes, forward them to us! We’ll take what we can get!

So what makes a joke funny? Well, it boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.

Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and we make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.