About Moi

I was born in June 1981, I'm a hearing impaired paper-crafter who loves all things crafty. I sew, although I'm still very much a novice at sewing. I bake and cook hopefully all kinds of delicious treats. I have a huge passion for photography and the camera {yes I'm old school I still use an actual camera} is never far from me. I also love creative writing from making up sentiments/verses for my cards and other paper-craft projects to penning some fiction. I am an avid reader and I may even throw in some book reviews on here too!

Monday, 5 February 2018

Cooking and Food Demons

I
love being in the kitchen whether it is cooking or baking. For me
the heart of the home is the kitchen and that love expresses itself
to others and for others in the things I cook for them. I have no
special repertoire I make anything from cakes to Jams, Marmalades,
Chutneys and everything in between. I admit my favourite is savoury
though...I don’t have a sweet tooth and savoury is a comforter.
That said I don’t really see food as comforting...I have plenty of
food demons. Not just in things I dislike {spicy, peppery, chilli
foods} but also with a fear...a fear that I shouldn’t be eating.

I
had some strange notions, well strange to most people, from as early
as I can remember. I was never keen on bread, hated butter in
sandwiches, and quite honestly preferred to eat salad or fruit to
anything else. I’m sure this was fine until I was around
people...that started at primary school...eating salad and not
wanting chips or crisp wasn’t the done thing. Every meal time
became a struggle...I just wanted to be left alone yet that wasn’t
going to ever happen. By the time I reached secondary school I would
skip breakfast and most days lunch then pick at a meal in the evening
knowing that I shouldn’t be eating it. I was fat and only going to
get fatter if I ate anything yet at the same time I couldn’t eat
salad it wasn’t right I should be eating chips like all the other
kids. For 21 years I skipped meals and the older I got the more days
there were when I wouldn’t eat at all. Some weeks there could be
more days I didn’t eat than there were when I would eat.
Ironically it didn’t do my weight any good...if anything I put more
weight on.

Three
years ago with help from a GP, who knew enough about me to know I was
struggling I started to slowly eat again. At first it was small
achievements...a spoonful of cereal, a bite of a cake… I had learnt
to bake because of allergies and buying
pre-made wasn’t an option but also I felt that feeding others made them
tolerate me and it gave them something to talk about other than my
weight.

Since
then I’ve done relatively well, unless in company I eat at least
one meal every day...usually two if you count a snack at lunch...I
still struggle some days with breakfast but I’m working on that. I
have made marmalade in the hope it will encourage me to eat breakfast
on the days I don’t feel like cereal. I also make teacakes for the
same reasons.

What
gets me the most these days is that every other advert on TV, and in
a lot of other places involve healthy eating...not balanced, not
treats but pure only good clean healthy weight loss inducing food.
It’s not that I don’t want to lose weight, that said since I have
actually started eating I have lost weight. It’s more that if I’m
not following the trend when it comes to food...chips when I was
young, fat free, zero sugar now I am not entitled to eat or enjoy
food because it will make me fat and then I’m back to being the one
everyone can use as an example of how not to be. So yes some days I
struggle to pass even water over my lips in fear. Today happens to
be one of those days which is why I’m sharing a foody
post...Pasties, Quiche without pastry...something that I have been
teased and told how daft and silly it is not to have pastry on quiche
for decades, Cherry Oat Squares, meringues and Cherry Pies...they
have no pastry on the bottom so technically aren’t a pie but pastry
is another thing I’m not keen on!

2 comments:

Ack ! I can understand how you came to have these demons :-( Such a shame that it has affected you this bad for so long. I am sure you would like the food in Greece.Your baking looks amazing.... I think I would deffo eat the pasties.I never used to eat breakfast. With my gut disease I could not eat any cereals and 'raw' milk made me ill. I guess a bit of lactose intolerance ? Anyhoo, I do have cereals now but I wet them with fruit juice instead :-D I guess I am a bit of a bad example because I sometimes forget to eat. Since living in Greece and not doing shift work any more I have been so much better.You're right about not losing weight if you don't eat..... your body stays in 'starvation mode' so your metabolism don't work properly !!I hope you can find something yummy to munch today :-Dp.s. have you got a recipe for 'Branston Pickle-alike' ???? :-D

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