Taking fear out of dying

Taking fear out of dying

Randy Metcalf/The Explorer, During a conference last month, Tani Bahti talked to a group of people at Miraval Resort about end-of-life situations. Bahti is a hospice nurse who wants people to better understand death, and not to fear the process of dying.

Taking fear out of dying

Randy Metcalf/The Explorer, Tani Bahti has received a large portion of her education and knowledge from working with her patients.

Taking fear out of dying

Randy Metcalf/The Explorer, Over the past 26 years, Tani Bahti has found younger and middle-aged people more fearful of death, usually due to a lack of knowledge.

Starting the educational process with the young - the very
young, in fact - can help people to better understand the processes
of aging and dying.

That's the belief of Tani Bahti, 55-year-old Tucson veteran
hospice nurse who is on a crusade of sorts to take the fear out of
end-of-life decisions.

"We really should be involving our children from kindergarten
age and up," says Bahti, principal of Passages: Support and
Education in End of Life Issues. "They have relatives die, young
friends die, pets die. If we can intervene earlier with education,
we can take much of the fear out of the dying process."

Over the past 26 years, she's found younger and middle age
persons more fearful of death than their older counterparts, mainly
because of lack of knowledge.

Two groups – the 71- to 81-year-old and the 61- to 71-year-old
segments — usually dominate those attending her no-cost community
seminars throughout the Greater Tucson area, according to Bahti,
who also works with professional groups, individuals and
families.

Sometime in the future, her hope is to do a pilot test on
end-of-life issues education, leading to an ongoing, community-wide
model. She does admit funding for such a project is difficult
because "it's not a very sexy subject."

Bahti has received the majority of her end-of-life knowledge
from first-hand experience working with patients at three Greater
Tucson hospices.

"When I went to college (in the mid-1970s to get a registered
nursing degree), there was about one paragraph of information on
death and dying in our textbooks," Bahti said. "My patients have
been phenomenal teachers for me."

She authored a book, "Dying to Know – Straight Talk About Death
and Dying," in 2006, in addition to a series of educational DVDs on
the same subject. In them, Bahti emphasizes three key points:

• Develop navigational skills. "You need to understand you have
rights and choices" as end of life nears. "And you have to ask
questions – the right questions."

• Knowledge of the body's process of dying. "Many times, we can
confuse that process with a variety of medical procedures. If your
body wants to shut down in an orderly process, it goes to
sleep."

• Discover meaning in impending death. "Often, it can cause us
to live more fearlessly – say things to friends and relatives that
haven't been said and do things we've always wanted to do."

The most important document for an aging person to have is a
written medical power of attorney document signed by both the
person and the future decision-maker. The person's doctor and the
future decision-maker need to have copies.

Bahti says living wills unfortunately have failed us. "There are
so many 'shades of gray' (depending on a person's sometimes
ever-changing physical condition) – and don't account for the
changing condition of patients. The decisions just are not that
easy."

She also notes studies have indicated relative decisions
(regarding treatment) are "wrong 42 percent of the time."