I also challenge the Vice President to pick up my laundry, drive me to the airport, and give me a no-interest loan so I can buy a Prius.

By the way, when Cohen writes for Schmuck Central Station, does that create a conflict of astroturf? Or at least an astroturf war? Who is Cohen's real master? For accounting purposes, does ExxonMobil make out the check to TCS, or directly to Cohen?