Topical Blend #2

Mark RosewaterMonday, December 12, 2005

s the final week of original content for 2005 (we start with the “Best of” articles next week), I present Topical Blend #2. Several weeks ago, you were given the task of voting for two different topics. The first was Magic related and the second was non-Magic related. Last time 'round you all picked Top Design Mistakes and Girls respectively. Let’s see how this time went. In the Magic category, the voting went like this:

List A - Magic Related (Choose One)

What happened to Pestilence?

463

7.8%

Pros and Cons of Introducing a Sixth Color

463

7.8%

Impossible things to do in Magic

342

5.7%

Biggest changes in Magic that never happened

255

4.3%

Possible ways to make Magic more appealing to women

194

3.3%

Why Skeletons are not just really, really rotten Zombies, despite what Cohen the Barbarian said to Ghaak in "The Last Hero" by Terry Pratchett

148

2.5%

Angels

148

2.5%

6th Color Pros and Cons

147

2.5%

Stories about banned cards I've designed

145

2.4%

Poison Abilities in Magic (Why was it abandoned? Will it come back in a new set? Etc.)

137

2.3%

Original Decisions in Magic (Why five colors? Why those basic lands?, etc.)

135

2.3%

Cards That Failed To Get Through Design

126

2.1%

The Power Nin

124

2.1%

Impossible things to do in Magic

116

2.0%

Frogs

115

1.9%

Why Magic cards seem better now than they used to

106

1.8%

Ooze Creature Types in Magic

100

1.7%

Advantages for adding a 6th color

95

1.6%

What Would Magic Be Like Without Rarity

94

1.6%

What would early Magic (Arabian Nights through Fallen Empires) have been like under the block system

92

1.5%

Math and Magic

91

1.5%

Faeries

91

1.5%

Zero-Cost Spells

90

1.5%

Magic Legends From R&D's Secret Lair

89

1.5%

Legacy (the format, as opposed to the collection of artifacts that Gerard was responsible for)

The winner was Pros and Cons of Introducing a Sixth Color. Note that there were accidentally three different versions of that topic and, as such, all three were counted as a single topic. But what lovely non-Magic topic would “Pros and Cons of Introducing a Sixth Color” get to share space with?

List B - Non-Magic Related (Choose One)

Mark Rosewater is $%^# insane!

869

11.5%

Dungeons & Dragons

504

6.7%

Family Guy

413

5.5%

Monty Python

356

4.7%

Mark Gottlieb

323

4.3%

Chaos theory

225

3.0%

Richard Garfield Anecdotes

218

2.9%

The Matrix

206

2.7%

Star Wars

196

2.6%

The concept of Zero

178

2.4%

Heavy Metal

175

2.3%

Why Canada spells things differently

145

1.9%

Throat Wolf

142

1.9%

Norse Mythology

140

1.9%

Things new employees at have to go thru at Wizards

136

1.8%

End of the World (or mankind)

133

1.8%

Muppets

131

1.7%

Video Games

126

1.7%

Dragons

121

1.6%

Ramen Noodles

118

1.6%

World War II

116

1.5%

How to argue and win (you always say there's lots of arguing and debate there and as team leader you often need to settle these I assume)

111

1.5%

Gophers

111

1.5%

That gunk that gets into your mouse

110

1.5%

The movie Twelve Angry Men

108

1.4%

Idiots and the Internet

105

1.4%

Time Travel

97

1.3%

The life and works of William Shakespeare

95

1.3%

Richard Garfield vs Houdini

94

1.2%

Sigmund Freud

93

1.2%

Puppies and Kittens: Cute Pets, or Intergalactic Invaders?

88

1.2%

My top regrets in life

81

1.1%

Comic Books

81

1.1%

How to keep a marriage together

78

1.0%

Dr. Seuss

77

1.0%

Are Tomatoes Fruit?

74

1.0%

My favorite riddles and their answers rewritten in the context of whatever the other topic is your blending

73

1.0%

Sir Isaac Newton

72

1.0%

Pet Peeves (aka Rants)

58

0.8%

College

58

0.8%

Artificial Intelligence

57

0.8%

Geek figures in history

56

0.7%

Lies in the Media

51

0.7%

Old Cartoons

46

0.6%

Spandex

45

0.6%

Art

42

0.6%

Music

40

0.5%

Soap opera and the proletariat color conflict

40

0.5%

My favorite game

37

0.5%

Eating out

37

0.5%

Giant Turtles

37

0.5%

Chicken and the Egg

35

0.5%

Magic (you know like rabbits out of hats and such)

34

0.5%

My Personal Life

33

0.4%

Anatomy

32

0.4%

My production assistant days

30

0.4%

Experiences in school

28

0.4%

Gameshows

22

0.3%

TV shows you like

20

0.3%

Superstition

19

0.3%

Sleeping

18

0.2%

Bad injuries

17

0.2%

Clarence Darrow

16

0.2%

Pets

15

0.2%

My fans

14

0.2%

My favorite recipes

14

0.2%

Writing for television

13

0.2%

Hairstyles

12

0.2%

Dancing

12

0.2%

Inspirational Sources

11

0.1%

Office Supplies

9

0.1%

Hotel reservations

9

0.1%

Boredom

8

0.1%

Colleagues

5

0.1%

Singing

3

0.0%

Famous People

2

0.0%

Snack Foods

1

0.0%

Total

7555

100.0%

“Mark Rosewater is %#@$ Insane” won in a landslide. I’m not sure how many people that voted for the topic realize this but it comes from a reoccurring thread in the forums on a humor Magic website. Every time I would write a crazy column (and a few times when the columns weren’t so crazy), there was always a thread started with some variant of this title. (%#@$ is a synonym of the word guano. Look it up.)

So what happens when a Sixth Color in Magic crosses paths with my insanity? You will see. Oh yes, you shall see.