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Monday, October 28, 2013

disco balls and the beauty of kinks

How would you describe yourself as a Mother? This is not a hypothetical--this is a sit and ponder with me. I will pour you some coffee, or hot coco if you are reading at night. What words float to the top? What adjectives describe you? (even if you are not a Mom- do play along Friend).Does it change the tune of your song if I tell you- you can only use good, happy, shiny words in your description? I hope not. Because I want to tell you, you are amazing. You are beautiful and sometimes impatient and imperfect...but that doesn't for one second change your amazingness. And maybe it's too hard for you to fluff your own pillows. But answer me this...How do we teach our children they are amazing and enough, to focus on the good and have self-confidence if we can't show them by example? I think it's time we focused on the can do. Screw the cant's. So, sometimes you lose your patience, sometimes you are crabby and fall short and feel like not enough. Sometimes dinner comes from a drive through. That's all of us. That's part of it. It's not IT though. It doesn't negate everything else that is good and tiny and big and intimate and sacred. And all of this thinking came from this beautiful tidbit of soul candy.A New Perspective For Moms from Elevation Church on Vimeo.What kind of Mom am I? Good words only... It is hard, but here it goes.I love so big and so loud that sometimes it's painful. I love the small things so very much that they are the big things after all. Noticing their feet, or their sparkle, or wiping their nose is my Religion...my honest prayer. I am grateful, expressive, loud, brave, scared, adventurous and kind. I don't give up. I try new things. I was born to do this.This is the greatest app EVER. You can customize it with your own pictures and voice. It was a breakthrough for Greyson a couple of years ago and instrumental in teaching him expressive & receptive languge, and I forgot all about using it for Parker until a couple of weeks ago. He LOVES reviewing the flash cards I made using pictures I took. He has to touch it to advance to the next card, and the interaction keeps him engaged. You don't need to have a fancy camera- you can take them straight from your cell phone. And after just a few days Parker started consistently making sounds that approximate the word on the card. Dog= Gaw, Juice=Jew, Ball= Baw. This is how it works: He says a word(ish) and I scream I am so excited!!! He thinks it's the funniest thing. What about you, why are you a good (Mom/Dad/Teacher/Human/Dog)?Today- send a note to a Mother friend of yours for absolutely no reason at all. Something to the ditty of- I see you Mom'ing, and no one is better than you at ______. I like the way you ______.

This morning we woke up to cool rain. Amazing for sleeping, but not amazing for the scheduled school field trip to an AMAZING pumpkin patch 30 minutes away. CANCELLED. It was a kink in our plans.The boys were crushed. Okay, fine- the MOM was crushed. The boys had no clue where we were or were not going. And to make this trip happen I had to rearrange the moon. Cancel Speech therapy, reschedule for Wednesday (which means Parker now has 2 one hour sessions of Speech on Wednesday- one in the morning, one in the late afternoon), reschedule Physical Therapy for me (for 7am tomorrow!!! SEVEN!!!!), and arrange for Parker's Behavior Therapist to join us. And after the rain cleared up we decided to head out for a little adventure. We only had time to go to the pumpkin patch down the street from our house....which we've already been to twice.I don't want to go there...I've already been there twice, and the rides don't even start until 3pm, I whined inside my head. I wanted to go to the fancy pumpkin patch, Ipouted. Melty Doodle.And within seconds of leaving the car, Grey's JOY was leaking everywhere. The boys would be perfectly happy if we came here daily. Every time we go they find something new and wonderous to focus on. They find the amazing amongst the everyday. They reminded me- that skill is a pretty big key to finding happiness in Life. Thanks for the lesson boys.We had the whole place to ourselves. At one point Greyson just froze instantly. He was spellbound. Unmoving. Sometimes he sees things, amazing things that I can not see. But today I followed his gaze up, not expecting to see anything, but for once, I could see it too. I could see it too. I tear up- just typing that. And I squealed with delight, watching him watch the world. Delight in the fact that I could see it too. His body came alive. I'm easing into Halloween. Some holidays scare me a little, make me feel a little sad. The kid holidays are so different than I expected, and it still shocks me that I haven't figured out how to box that up and make it feel better yet. The other day the boys' therapists asked if we wanted to playscheme Halloween for the boys. Have them dress up and practice going to houses and Trick or Treating. And the truth is, I haven't gotten their costumes yet. And I feel bad about making them do something they hate- that isn't functional. And forget about masks or hats or anything on their face. And then I get so mad at myself, for getting so sad. And I will find my way. I will consult my How to Parent Super Powers Manual to see what it suggests. We will Tim Gunn it baby. Make it work. And I remind myself- it's okay to be sad. You are still trying to figure this Life out. We all have our kinks. The problem is when we let the kinks stop the flow.

7 comments:

Thanks so much for another awesome post. I am downloading the flash card app now. I love that I can use my own pictures. I just wanted to say I totally agree on the Holiday piece. It's hard because there are so many traditions that I want my kids to love, but honestly they really hate soapy of them (dressing up, sitting on Santa/Bunny lap). I decided last year it was time to focus on the things they would love about the holiday and just forget the rest. We have a very comfortable baseball player costume this year and surprisingly my son actually has said trick or treat because he thinks the candy is awesome.

Hi Friend! Reading your posts & seeing you love those boys fills my heart to bursting. And, "yes" I will take a $5 Doodle, please ;)I think kid holidays look different to everyone. My bestie asked me if my little was trick or treating this year. I said - I don't know, it'll be a game day decision. She said - How can that not drive you nuts? Trick or treating is so fun I would hate if my kids missed it. I said - He could really care less, so if its not fun for him, we will hand out candy to the other kids. Which, my son tries to strike up a conversation with EVERY kid that comes to the door & usually tries to invite them in to play.Last year we went to a small neighboring town's library to see Santa. I was thinking it would be low key & not scary for him. He walked up to Santa, but when Santa reached for him to set him on his lap my son was outta there. Wouldn't even stand next to him for a picture. So, I have a photo of my son with Jessie the sweet little elf boy.Don't get me started on the Easter Bunny! :)The first word that came to mind to describe me as a Mom is engaged. I certainly have a lot of the negative ones, too, but I don't think those define me. Trust me I'm far from perfect, as is my boy, but we are actively trying.Love & happiness to you on this Happy Tuesday sweet momma. Thanks for the food for thought xoxo Jen

I understand your frustration with holidays. I hope this holiday you can let the expectations go and just enjoy the parts (even if you have to make them up) that do work for your boys. In some ways it's freeing to celebrate holidays specifically the way that works for your kids. For instance, I hear tons of parents complain about the horrible line of waiting to get a picture with Santa. I get to skip that particular torture because there's no way in a million years my kids would sit on Santa's lap for a picture. My son LOVES candy so he likes Halloween but he won't ever definitively pick a costume and if it doesn't feel good he wont' wear it and even then he has a short time limit. Last year he wore his regular clothes (chose a grey outfit) and a hat that was a wolf's head. I was sure he'd take the hat off right away and everyone would be wondering why I didn't dress him up but he was so excited to be getting candy he kept it on. This year he's mentioned ghost and mummy because what he really wants to wear is his favorite white blankie (of course not going to cut that up into strips), so I just have some white fabric and scissors on hand if he decides to go with one of those but I'm going to be completely okay with it if he doesn't. He's definitely teaching me to be okay with "different" and roll with the punches. My daughter loves trick-or-treating but thinks she hates all candy (is afraid to even try it - a piece shall never enter her mouth) which used to depress me because it seemed unfair that she didn't get the treat of gluttony on Halloween like other kids but now it's all good because she gives it to her little candy-loving brother and they are both over the moon with joy.Don't worry, you'll find the perfect holiday traditions for you boys in time and it will be just as wonderful as everyone else's maybe more so!