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He Is Trying To Control Me: Resistance Is NOT Futile

Can she make her husband do something for his own good -- without destroying the marriage?

What choices do you have if your husband is doing something that’s bad for him, bad for you, breaking agreements that you have made, refusing to acknowledge that there’s anything wrong, and blaming you, telling you that you’re crazy for calling the problem to his attention?

Marilyn couldn’t decide whether to take the kids and leave him, act like a flaming bitch to get his attention, just go ahead and live her own life and ignore his behavior or just go along with his new obsessions.

Six weeks earlier, she and Jackson were both delighted that he had completed a major project. The project had kept him too busy to allow him to spend much time at home with her and their two small children for several months,

He was planning to take some time to figure out what he really wanted to do with his life and start working toward a career change. They were also looking forward to spending time together to renew their relationship.

Suddenly, without consulting her, he started a second low paying, full time job. He was working 80 hours a week; he had decided that they needed to save more money. He cut her household allowance and her access to emergency money, She felt helpless and victimized! Marriage was not supposed to be this way!

Jackson refused to accompany her to therapy so she went alone. With the help of her therapist, she decide that she needed to help her spouse become as uncomfortable with his decisions as she was. Her most creative girlfriend helped her figure out what would make it worth his while to pay attention to her.

Marilyn was already refusing to make Jackson lunch, and refusing to alter her schedule. She discussed and discarded the possibility of getting a new charge card and spending money on things she wanted because of the negative impact on her and the family. She thought about going on strike and not taking care of the house, but she decided that would be too hard on her and the children.

Finally Marilyn came up with an extremely creative solution. She brought home a fifteen-pound bag of dry navy beans, showed it to him, and told him that if he didn’t listen to her concerns and focus on finding a job that was meaningful and appropriate for him (instead of acting like a workaholic), she would serve him bean soup every night for dinner until he went back to their mutually agreed upon objectives.

It worked! He listened. Within a week Jackson put in several applications for the kind of job he really wanted and agreed to quit his second job in a reasonable period of time, He also stopped trying to control her access to money for appropriate expenses.

The beans are still visible on the kitchen table. He’s asked her to put them away, but she says not until he has completed his part of the agreement about actually spending time with the family.

1. Using FB Excessively Has Ties To Romantic Partner Conflict

A doctoral student from University of Missouri School of Journalism found that the more someone is using Facebook then the more likely they will get into conflict with his or her partner. In the study, recipients were asked how often they used Facebook and how much conflict arose because of Facebook. Turns out that high levels of Facebook use can predict terrible outcomes like cheating, breaking up, and even divorce.

2. Your Facebook Bragging Is Doing More Harm Than Good

We get it! You're in a relationship and you want others to know that you're not lonely anymore. But updating and bragging constantly about you significant other has been shown to be more about your insecurity than happiness thanks to a recent study.

Another tidbit—a survey found that people are very much annoyed with relationship braggers. When the study's participants were asked to rank fictional profiles they said that relationship oversharers were the people they least liked.

3. It's Having A Stronger Negative Affect On Young Relationships

We have stated before that people who use Facebook a lot are more likely to get into it with their partners, but it's also having a stronger affect with young couples. A researcher from St. Mary's University found through a survey that younger couples are more susceptible to letting Facebook get in between them.

4. It Increases Jealousy

A study has found that Facebook sparks jealousy in a relationship thanks to a number of factors. After giving a survey to 308 college students, researchers found that 19.1 percent get jealous due to being able to see more information of what their partners are doing, 16.2 percent of students flat out said Facebook is a link to jealousy for them, 10.3 percent find it hard to not Facebook stalk their partners, and 7.4 percent said Facebook is ambiguous and therefore created misunderstandings with their partners.

5. Your Selfies Are Making Your Partner Feel Less Supported

It's time to really evaluate what you're sharing! Lead researcher Dr. David Houghton found that relationship partners feel less supported when their partners share more photos of friends and events than family.

6. There Is A Correlation Between Facebook And Divorce

Want a lasting marriage? Stay off of social media sites in general! At least that's the advice of a study that found that use of social media networks, especially Facebook, can be a predictor of divorce. When looking at populations, they found that a 20 percent increase of Facebook users correlated with a 2.18 percent increase in the divorce rate.

A doctoral student from University of Missouri School of Journalism found that the more someone is using Facebook then the more likely they will get into conflict with his or her partner. In the study, recipients were asked how often they used Facebook and how much conflict arose because of Facebook. Turns out that high levels of Facebook use can predict terrible outcomes like cheating, breaking up, and even divorce.