Thursday, February 21, 2008

Islamabad, May 1997: The sun has just risen up from the East, the morning dew still drapes the vegetation & none, out of his bed...Deep in the Pak Radar network centre, a blip shows up & it shies away even faster, the analysts rules it out as a glitch. Little did they know that sooner or later they would be hit by the inevitable Sonic Boom from the Indian Mig-25 flying at Mach 3 and at altitude unconquered by any air defense system. The Shock waves from the Indian ‘Garuda’ disseminated through the foe’s air space shattering the glasses, rippling the coffee & driving the residents to panic; for fear of an inbound earthquake. The waves sent a jolt up the spines of Pak air defense's top brass officials , few F-16s were scrambled to intercept the intruder, but they could do little to intercept the Mig-25 that flew faster than the bullets & escaped into the blues.Mikoyan-Gurevich MiG-25RB aka “Foxbat”, known in the IAF as “Garuda; had to bid farewell on may 1st 2006. A war Machine looked at with awe, feared & unmatched by the west; it flew at Mach 3.2 & at 90000ft .The technology was too little to bring down a Foxbat that setout the records of awefactor. A truly formidable flying monster with unparalleled power , had no self defence but relied on its high cruising altitude and blinding speed to escape the enemy.No other Indian aircraft can claim to have flown into Pakistani and Chinese airspace as much as the MiG 25.Foxbats were the loyal snoop dog of the IAF whose exploits still remain shrouded in secrecy.The Mig25s shall remain a legend , though the Indian espionage strategy & systems are evolving somewhere beyond the stratosphere!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

This is a Land of myths tales & fables, some quaint nook hidden away by the fairies, which faded away in the breeze of time. A nation that still remain a virgin, motherland to many souls, unblemished by the surging waves of the sly world elsewhere.

It was this soil that the poets depicted in the odes, the explorers inscribed it on their maps as the ‘Land of hope’ christened after the River Hope, which stems from the ‘fountain of faith’ & generations after generation, aeons after eon its banks served as a hotbed to beings that loved real peace. A tribe so naive walked this land & ‘Hope’ that streamed down through its very soul became the heart of many legends that charmed the youth of this soil. One such legend was that of ‘the Promised Land’. To some it was just a myth but the majority believed it was real; there existed ‘the Promised Land’ a far-off expanse well beyond the horizons of their nation. ‘The Hope’ was the only conduit that could take one to the shores of ‘the Promised Land’. Many popular folklores were sung about the ‘riches & fortune’ of ‘the Land’; audacious were those who had embarked to explore what ‘the Promised Land’ had to offer.

It is a time of melancholy & great satisfaction, a paradoxical entity with in a parent’s lifetime as they watch ‘the bearer of their name’ dive into the depths of ‘Hope’ in quest of ‘the Promised Land’ & fades away in the ensuing waves. Those who had left for ‘the promised land’ has never returned back, people say that it is the riches that locked away the urge for a homecoming. Tommy was one among the few who left in search of ‘the Promised Land’.He still recalls the day he leaped into the waters & surfaced soon to take a look at his dad & mom ashore, the image of his parents waving at him still lingers; now he see them only in his dreams. He has not yet reached his destination, still swimming & camping on the shorelines of ‘Hope’ he is still on his way. He came across many who left his land long before him with the same motive to disembark on the shores of ‘the Promised Land’. It took Tommy time to realize that it was all a myth, the ‘fate’ ‘fame’ & ‘fortune’ were just obscure manifestations, he knew that none will reach the destination and now he wanted to reclaim what he had lost; he made vain attempts to swim back, the whirls of Hope not just weakened his bones & muscles but undermined his urge to waft back. ... He learned that he had to keep moving ... the optimism of his fellow adventurers annihilates his doubt. They wait for the best tide & again sail on the wings of ‘Hope’.

Time passed by...Tommy is still swimming; He is no longer a boy. He has seen the world, but ‘innocence & purity’, the expositions his motherland had bestowed in him seems to linger some where deep with in his soul. Every day Tommy dreams away of the moment when he returns back to his land, but a noose holds him back; for he knows, it is just a dream...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A recently declassified NASA’s X-file reported that when ‘Neil Armstrong’ set his foot on moon, he was bowled over by ‘Mr.Kuttapan’ who offered Neil a ‘chaya’ brewed at his ‘chayakkada’.Until this date, Kuttapan’s pedigree is the only available citation with NASA for the existence of life in outer space. Rumor has it that Kuttapan’s forefather Chandran (may be that’s the reason why moon is called ‘Chandran’ in malayalam) had immigrated to the new domicile when the British East India Company’s colonization grew to intolerable heights. It is true that there is a Mallu in every nook of this universe where life can exist & not to mention that we hug on to our formidable culture; no matter what it takes.Apparently our culture & arts have charmed many enthusiasts & that is the raison d'être for this post.Quite recently my colleague queried about Kerala’s culture & art forms *gasp!!!* - *choke!!!* I gave it a thought & said ‘Kadhakali, Karalipayattu & Vallamkali’.

Kadhakali – a theatrical art from Kerala

Karalipayattu – Martial art form of Kerala

Vallamkali – Snake boat racing, Kerala

But it took me a second to understand that her intention was to brag about her state’s art & culture. Her explaination about some Punjabi art forms, sounded as though Punjab is a distant cousin & that they are in no way behind the ‘Gods own country’. Now the need to come up with some counterpoint became a must. Then, like a revelation it came to my tongue ‘VELLAM`ADI’ [Art of boozing, & as a rule it turns into a carouse, Kerala style]& then for the next half hour I enlightened her with the details of this intricate art form. How communal the event is & how people muster around, thin down the barriers of cast, creed, age & color when booze is around! & how good a Government we have that patronize this art. It is said that there are plans to give subsidies on booze to entertain & popularize this art. The long queues in front of the ‘Wine shops & military canteen’ especially when Onam, Christmas or Ramsan is around is impressive. No matter what or who’s festival it is, we mallu’s rejoice & demonstrate our unity in diversity. It surely inspires the youth of the nation to shelve their petty differences! The legend has it that Kerala was reclaimed from the ‘waters’ [aka VELLAM – thus the name Vellam-Adi] by Parashurama’s Mazhu (axe) & thus the citizens of his ‘nation from the waters’ pay tribute to his great ‘Mazhu’ by practicing the elegant art of Vellam`adi & utter with pride “Adichu Mazhu ayadai !”.The fascinating feature of this art is that there is no specific time to practice this artform, preferably almost all days when the sun takes shade below the horizon. Feeling gloomy? ‘wash the stains of depression with Booze’, Heart broken? “It is a Superglue”, Happy? “There ain`t a party without It!” feeling bored ? “Gulp it! Than wait for the devils to entertain your idle brain!!!” & Once my description was over, the antagonist had her jaws dropped ,eyes popped out...

Monday, February 4, 2008

If the college days are the best, then there ought to be moments that are ‘better than the best’ .Those treasured moments of humor which still fuel our repartees, add zing to our lives & this post is an attempt to chronicle that facet of our academic life. I’m raising this toast as a tribute to ‘all F.R.I.E.N.D.S’.Achtung! : This post is painfully long, Through out I’ve used only nicknames & anonymity is a luxury that I wouldz like to provide all those whose nicknames if I take, would call for a censorship certificate.

Here it goes...Sports day was around the corner & it is customary to have our National Flag hoisted on that day. This time the responsibility to pick a fresh flag from the store was on the house captain's shoulder. Mr.Mandan summons Luttapi & Aadambaram to keep him company while he picks the flag at a shop in the city. Aadu (Aadambaram) with an apparent disinterest in shopping or rather, with an interest to take a 'nicotine punch' stays outside the shop.Mandan & Luttapi; owing to unavailability had to pick the last flag,but it was withered. Aadu became upset after seeing the flag; he took it back to the shop keeper & asked“Anna ,ethithae Veerae COLOR kodi kittumo” The shopkeeper & those on the scene literally laughed to death.

‘Kelavan’s Maruthi-800 used to be ‘prime de transport’ for the bunch of buddies; cramped with 6-8 guys, it used to whine all the way from the moment it’s engine was fired up. On a drive back home through the rural roads, ‘Manichi’(as in Manichan : King Pin of Kerala liquor lobby) knocks down a hen that crossed the road. Some one from the back seat cries “Aliya, oru paavapettavante kanjikudiyaa nee muttichae; Locals kai vaikkum munpu vandi vito”. Though we expected Manichi to hit the throttle, he shifts to ‘reverse gear’, pulled over the car next to the corpse, opens his door & tosses the dead chick into the car. Soon the question came! “Chae ! enthuvaada kolapaathathinte thelivu nasipikaan aano ? eesadanathinae ethinte akathu eduthu ettathu ?“ & he justification was “Eda , Oru kingfisher Beer`intae koodae evanayum kooti adichal ondallo ! SMART ayerikkum” hmmm... quite rational! No guilt, no remorse, none was ready to wait & on that evening at Chatti’s home, the chick becomes a luscious side dish long with wine! During Cricket-net practice, the ball ripped through the net, bounced over aledge & went into a ditch. 'Mr.Parambil' who went to search the ball, didn’t see it & takes a squatting posture to have a closer look into the pit. Mean while a construction worker who passes by, observes Parambil’s poster & the nauseous look on his face & Yells “Chae , Ethokkae public ayitaano ? akathengum toilet ellae ?“

Dress Code was a necessary evil that we all had to abide by. Our allegiance to the college directives called for frequent patrols by the Princi. Our usual Hangout used to be the bench next to men’s toilet (1st floor). Believe me, this place smells like **** & the lavatory is worse than the public toilets. The reason for affinity to this place was that it was located next to BioTech class room & a crowd at this muster station was quite natural… Amidst a regular union, a crackling voice comes from the ground floor “Aliyoo . Princi Varunundae” … & such a circumstance impels a “Pulivarunundae Puli…!” situation… …Everyone scrambles for refuge in a trice, except 'Mr.Baiju' alias 'Flubi'who was unaware of the inbound havoc until he saw ‘ Princi’s Saree thumbu ’. Without a 2nd thought he rushed into the toilet but alas! Princi saw his move. Though we expected her to unleash a tremor, with utmost composure she latched the door & waited outside until the ‘intolerable *fragrance*’ overpowered Baiju & he started banging the closed door. “Odukam; Naatam sahichathum micham; Fain`um adichu”

Albin Sir introduces himself to the IT class & as a preparatory note queries his students’ understanding about the subject, “Tell me, what do you know about mathematics?” Tempted by the opportune moment to steal the lime light, Aadu shouts out “Saar! Ee foomiyudae Spanthanam Mathamaticsil aanu” & AlbinSir reciprocates “Evane okkae Aaaradaye ?.*...*.? GET OUT!!!”.

While touring Kodaikanal, we where put up in villas which were populated on grounds of the experience one had in ‘Vellamadi’(Art of Boozing). ‘Villa – A’ = Veterans , ‘Villa - B’ = 1st timers , ‘Villa - C’ = ‘ve tasted it.At Villa – B, 'Poocha' keeps his Beer bottle over the bed & rummages around for an opener. 'CD Kannan' after seeing the corked bottle says impatiently “Da Poochae Pottikeda kuppi” .Responding to the call, Poocha makes a swift pivot, trips the bottle over to the floor !!!PattaaaasH!!! . CD in anger “Ninoodu kuppi thurakkanalae ghan paranjollu ! athu tharayil ettu potichelooda mahaa paapi ! ” .The bottle broke, messing the room with fizz & stench; poocha spends the whole night washing the floor & driving out the odour with perfume & after shave lotions.At Villa – C, 'Mr.Perichaazhi' takes the opened bottle cap; smells the beverage & falls flat ‘Knocked Out’ on the bed. 'Mr.Kulseen'(Peeping-tom) tastes a peg & starts off an abusive verbal spree (‘Theri abishekam’) in his typical high bass vocals which sounded like a ‘tribal tongue’.At Villa – A, The party is live even after the lights go out in erstwhile cottages, but none were allowed to sleep, as the big guns (veterans) run free a ‘ROLE’ rampage. None can be convicted, for they were complying with the maxim that had transformed from ‘Vellam adichal vayathil kidakkanam’ to much logical motto ‘Vellam adichal ROLE kaanikkanam’. 'Shuppandi' was found lurking around a ridge & threatening to take a bungee jump (would’ve been his last one).Walking over flames (‘kanalaatam’) didn’t seem to be a big deal when ‘Flubi’ marched across the smouldering camp fire. Mr.X was found along with the floor mattresses of another villa while 'Chatti' was storming other villas, waking up every one. 'Vattan' was the sole guard who took pain to herd the wild pack back to its den while Mr.Y was sipping it all ‘on the rocks’ with out much hubbubs. Slowly the kegs dried out , the party ended & lights went out in ‘Villa – A’ but after a few minutes guys learn that Mr.Y has gone missing. Light goes on again; Guys scatter out in search of missing ‘Y’ looked out for him even in the roads, fellows in other villas where called on to check if Y was in there, but he had gone missing. After a futile search they return back to the villa to spot Mr.Y taking a peaceful nap on the European closet.

1st Sports day in the college, Cricket match: Raman house chasing the score projected by Baba house. 'Mr.Luttapi' lectures the team his intricate strategy in which he is the opener & how he can exploit the oppositions bowling lineup. The game starts off, Luttapi clad in helmet & guards, waves to the crowd like a hero. The bowler takes the run up, Luttapi focuses & hammers his bat on the crease...the bowler at the other end of the pitch makes takes his run up,but Luttu seemed to be set for a blast; in the pavilion every one anticipates an enthralling innings from him. Then the bowler released the ball & the next second what we heard was a ‘Bhaaaaam !’ . The ball races to the boundary taking Luttapi’s middle stump along with it & Luttu , fearing 4 his life didn’t return back to the pavilion but takes cover in the crowd.

Early morning a brand new Scorpio streaks through the collage gates. At noon Vattan & a band of 4’ mounts the new ride; scrambles it in front of the Men’s Hostel & rips through the road as the whole campus kept watching. A few minutes later Manichi’s mobile rings & a voice from the other end cries out “Aliyaaaa Valichu ! Vandi marinju” & what was left behind at the spot was an SUV on its back, gazing the skies.

Poocha invites Mr.Z over to his house in order to flaunt his latest acquisition, a surround speaker system .Unfortunately it happened to be the day before university exams. Poocha plays the Bollywood flick ‘Kajraare’ with Ash clad in skimpy outfit. He increased the volume to show off what his new woofers can deliver, but in the end what it delivered was a vexed up ‘Poocha’s father’ who utters “Pareekshayudae thalae divasam pilleraeyum vilichiruthi Cabbera kandoondirinoolum !" . In a flash Poocha vanishes into the kitchen & Mr.Z scoots surreptitiously through the gate.

During an excursion of CS class to Kodaikanal Miss .D hops on a cycle & pedals off along the lake side road, with a bunch of pals escorting her. Being a first timer on bike ‘Miss .D’ is having a harrowing time, she had already fallen off thrice ... she reaches a crossing where a rally of foreigners in hefty choppers romps through. Seeing the ‘firangis’ she gets excited .She endeavors the crossing, bumps into the rally & clamps the break in front of a speeding Harley. The biker misses her by an inch & settle down beside her & yells in his deep voice “F* U B* !!!” . For not being acquainted with the European accent, she thought that ‘Saayiep’ was greeting & replied ‘Thank you’, leaving the white rider befuddled.

Then there was ‘ Flubi’ who’s ultimate ambition in life was to be an entrepreneur . Wanted to start a company & when we question about the initial investment, his answer is “Athinaanello da Sthreedhanam !!!” And we had Mr Pezhichaazhi who bought the 1st Reliance "kar lo duniya muthi mein" mobile in the college.Over the period of time it became a Public Phone booth & when the phone bill arrived “Sab khogaya mitti mein !”

In a KSRTC bus . 'Aadu' & 'Endra' gets absorbed in a loud chitchat. Intending to silence them, Pazhichazhi from the Back seat tells.“Hushhh... No Smoking , No Smoking!” Though he intended to say ‘No talking’

In front of a SL theaterGuys plan to watch a movie, but confront a cash crunch. With anticipation to get money from Chingu who has not yet started from his home, Pazhichazhi says “Chingu veetil ninnum erangikaanathilla ..letz Call ME! “ & this time he wanted to say “Call Him”

Princi inspects the class after receiving a complaint that the benches are adorned with spectacular graffiti & doodles. The gem among them was the one created by 'Mr.Matha' that would‘ve put even MF Hussein to shame. Princi spots the art work, mean while 'Manichi' bumps into her, Princi asks Manichi “Edo ! ethu entha Ee varachu vaichirikunnathu ?”. Manichi had only heard about the existence of such a controversial picture; being overwhelmed by the art’s panache & that it was his first look at the masterpiece, Manichi break into uncontrolled laughter. Princi is stumped!

Kulsi’s acquaintance with Miss.X invited a good amount of envy & it seemed their alliance annoyed some of her ex’ fans. One day, out side the canteen ... as the duo walked into the cafeteria Flubi intends to tease Kulsi amidst X & the croud hanging around the cafeteria & asks ‘Enthu vaadai ethu , nannai kudae ninakku? ’ though Kulsi droops his head chammified. Miss.X makes a come back with acounter blast “Eyaal kuduthal onnum parayanda , kurachu naal thanum ente purakae nadanathallae” & walks into the canteen as Flubi stood speech less & searching for a cover from the flock that was laughing at him like the hyenas.

Some acts driven by blunt reason that comes by instinct used to be a trademark performance that had left many stunned & dumfounded... but when we replay those shots at the back of our mind it still possess truck loads of humor...Aadu enteres into Chatti’s Car & slams the door behind him, thus provoking Chatti to say “Eda Piyae adayachoodae door”. Aadu opens the closed door casually & shuts it with care as the rest all looked baffled at his act.

'Kaavadi', 'Manichi' & 'Aadu' practices some flying kicks. Manichi being tall manages to kick high; Kavadi driven by spirits attempts to go higher than Manichi’s mark . Noticing kaavadi’s vein attempts, Aadu asks him ... “Da randu kaalum pokki chavittan pattumo ?” though we laughed at the comment ,to much of our amazement Kaavadi throws himself up into the air with both his legs off the ground & the outcome “Pathukooo !!!” Crash lands on his Ass...!

In between an excursion ‘Ettu Kaali’(spidey) happens to run into a booze Carouse & he loiters around the bunch aloofly, with an intention to amuse himself & enjoy the ‘other side’ of those who are high. Vaatan invites ‘Ettu kaali’ to taste some ‘Sprite’ & join the guys, but little did 'spidey' know that the drinks vattan served him were adulterated with vodka & when it was time to call it a day. The guys where amused by the entertainment put forth by ‘Ettu kaali’ .He who entered the room with 2 legs crawled back on 8 legs & thus his name ‘Ettu Kaali’.

During the same excursion ... It was new years eve; midnight. 'Chammathi' & a bunch of guys swarm into Soman’s room. For not having had a smooth relation with the guys, Soman suspect if their intentions are to ‘settle some scores ‘. Soman steels himself, clutched his fist & as he gets ready to go for the first punch; 'Chammanti' followed by the horde hurls their ‘lungis’ into the air & shouts ‘Kani Kani Kani ...New Year Kani !’ , Soman watched in dismay with his eyes popped out as if he had to eat the worst blow ever!!! Manichi, Vattan & Mr.A went to attend an interview of AllSec:BPO in hotel Residency. The anchor was a HR who had a funny Tamil influence. During the introductory session Manichi notices some appealing gals seated infront & attempts to impress them by aping the HR’s accents while she was addressing the mass. When he saw some encouraging smiles for his comments, he tires to captivate the gals even more with his wits. Watching Manichis’s vein attempts Vattan & Mr.A breaks into muffled laughter & like a chain reaction the titter grows into a uncontrollable chuckle. The HR notices them & intending to put a stoop to their amusement, chides "If you are not interested please don’t disturb others". Vattan & ‘A’ scoots from the hall politely but Manichi was still not ready to hush & continued his monkey business. In the 1st round when HR asked him to give an intro, Owing to his enduring effort to ape the HR, he forgot to recover back to himself .He speaks out loud in HR’s funny tone; putting the congregation into a laughter spree & thus got himself kicked out.

Manichi’s flair for striking a self goal, his quips, slapstick jokes... the nerve with which he does it all is unparalleled. During the 2006 jobfair @ Cochin IT Park, interview with the Sutherland... The interviewer disappointed after evaluating Manichi’s technical knowledge tries to prompt some answers from him by asking topics he is sound at & asks about his mini project. Lady: “Where did you do your Mini Project?”Manichi: “ Keletron , Mam” Lady: “So, tell me about Keletron”Manichi (with total confidence): “Mam . Keletron is an IT company that supply missiles to VSSC !!!.”Vanquished by shock, The Lady gasps.

College day... Time when one gets to flaunt the best from his/her wardrobe. Most of them have a taste for ethical wear; guys stick to ‘Mundu’ & gals ‘Saree’. But for the last College day some one chose to be different. Mr. Item gets himself some extra fittings & adorns himself in a ‘Saree’, captivating the eyes of almost all guys in the campus & fueling the furnace of envy in gals...On the top of it ‘he makes a special entry on to the stage in his hot but vile outfit. In fact it was a way too different!

Guys team up & infest Master-milma’s cottage that his father had abandoned long before. They celebrate at their new domicile. When I say celebrate, booze is obviously involved. This time, the guys feel that their booze revelry has to be revamped. Not because it is boring but they feel the need of a sentinel at their guard & hence decide to call on the spirits of the dead. Milma sets up an ‘Ouija board’ & starts chanting ‘Good spirit please come... good spirit please come...” The cottage was next to a dilapidated cemetery & that added to the eerie ambiance; on the backdrop you could listen to the croaking frogs, the soothing breeze, the vulpine howls & milma’s chants. Rest of the horde was silenced not by the creepy milieu, but the liquor had started to meddle with their brains. They were sitting around, staring @ the board anxiously awaiting their ghostly amigo. After a few minutes of vein attempt (which under the influence of liquor, feel like ages), Guys felt bored & they started mimicing milma’s *hocus pocus*.Just as the team slips into a merry state, a gust sweeps by & a weird ‘Khoooor... khooor...” sound resounds from nowhere. Every one recovers back to alert... they sense the presence of an alien entity. Milma’s chant grew stronger & his hands shivered as the planchet moved rightwards. None knew if it was the spirits or milma’s trembling hands that moved it & those who where sipping their pegs, the drinks got trapped in their throat! The ‘Khooor...’ sound suddenly stopped followed by ‘pin drop silence’, then a ‘Yaaawn’ & then again started the sound ‘Khooor ... Khooor...’ . Guys turned around to see the source of the ‘Khooor...’ it was Mr.Maatha snoring away into his deep slumber... Now that we had found out our lil Casper! We dint waste a moment ‘Chavitti avanae pandaaram adakki ’

V’s appetite was served right, even before he could start tasting the food & the guys had a belly laugh at his mom’s merciless friendly fire...

...Folks, didn’t we get some thing more than a degree from our college? “So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money when we look back now, will that joke still be funny?”-Vit.C .Now this is what we are all left with, a few memoirs... the smile, tears & peace that they restore.

&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp Oh when I look back now &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp The summer seemed to last forever &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp And if I had the choice &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp Ya - I'd always wanna be there &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp&nbsp Those were the best days of my life!

hits:

I tried to scribble down something about maself, but as a matter of fact, I’m still kinda figuring out my true self. Guess everyone out here is stuck with the same question like me 'Who Am I ?' ... G0D Ble$$ !...