Today on #CrackYourBible, we’re talking about the well-meaning but naïve dating advice that so many Christians in the West are told. Unfortunately, because most of the popular Christian dating tips are completely unbiblical, single Christians can end up frustrated, lonely and single!

Part 2 (Will be linked once that video is created.)

*Let’s examine some of the 5 popular but unbiblical Christian dating tips:*
1. You’re just not close enough to God! (Be so close to God that he/she will need to search for Him to find you.)
2. Don’t settle! (God-ordained (by your own standards) marriage is what you’re after!)
3. Find someone who accepts you as you are (Don’t change for anyone!)
4. Stop looking and start praying (You’ll find someone when you’re not looking!)
5. Date with intention (Make sure you discuss sexual purity / children / marriage from the very first date!)

*Let’s replace those not-so-great tips with these dating tips:*
1. If you’re an adult, it’s time. (There’s no special Christian level you must reach to be “ready” to date.)
2. You’re not marrying a rich, sexy Jesus; you’re marrying a fallible human being. (Recognize that we have faults.)
3. You need to change (If you want different results, you’re going to need to seriously reflect and grow as a person.)
4. Be a person of action (Put your faith into action.)
5. Slow your roll! (Get to know someone as a person before putting the pressure of a relationship on each other.)

*From the Bible we know that:*
• God said it’s not good for man to be alone. Genesis 2:18
• Samson’s parents didn’t understand why he chose a Philistine for a wife – but it was God’s plan. Judges 14:3-4
• Esther / Hadassah went through a year’s worth of beauty treatments to attract the King. Esther 2:8-9
• Ruth proposed to Boaz – marry me or else! Ruth 3:7-9
• Jacob went to his uncle Laban when he wanted to marry Rachel. Genesis 29:18-20

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-*Rachel N. Stephens*

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10 Comments - Add Comment

Rachel Stephens a lot of women in churches need a trip over someones knee. But the thing is you can’t blame them too much because they are doing as their churches have taught them to do their whole lives.

+Josh InJesus This comment was fantastic and brought up a point I was saving for pt. 2. The second you put someone up on a pedestal, they’ll kick you in the face. I’m dead set against the feminization of the young men in the Christian sphere while the young women turn into entitled monsters.

Rachel Stephens here, here. Guys need to watch this video way more than girls though. I am a non-traditional student at a major university with several big ministries. You would not believe what I see. Young, good looking men with perfect bodies, muscles, 6 pack abs, and who are about to get a degree in a respectable field of study…..yet still cant get a date to save their lives. Its mind blowing. But its really not their faults.

The lack of real dating that goes on in Christian culture is 95% the fault of Christian pastors and leaders. The advice that Christian leaders give young men is AWFUL. I mean, the dating advice that gets passed on to young men in the church is so bad that these guys may as well just carry around a spray-can of girl repellant and spray it around everywhere they go.

Perfect example of this came from your own lips. Like the reason guys step to Christian girls the way they do is because that’s exactly what pastors tell them to do. They tell these guys to basically lay out a 5 year plan for career, marriage, and whatever else to the girl at some point early on in the courtship. Meanwhile, the girl gets to sit back, reveal absolutely nothing about herself, and screen the crap out of the guy without offering any of her real self to the interaction. Of course, females will reject guys 9 times out of 10 in these situations. But thats the Christian male approach nearly every….single…..time.

Pastors further teach guys to pedastalize women in every possible way. Which only adds to the girl repellant thing I was talking about. I could go on and on but you get my point. And you can’t blame the girls for not being attracted to the guys. They jump through every possible hoop they can which tells the girls that they’re not real men. Girls want a guy to lead and protect them, not schmooze and kiss their backsides.

My 40 year old butt could steal 90% of the Christian girlfriends these guys do have JUST BECAUSE Im the one person at the ministry who stands out. All the other guys are carbon copies of each other and I am my own man. Of course, I dont take advantage of this. But if I wanted to, I could. Which goes to show just how awful with women these guys really are.

Nothing is going to change on the Christian dating scene til guys finally figure out what nonsense church dating advice really is. Which dont look like it will happen anytime soon. Great video though.

+Enrique& Ashley Hernandez Like Samson, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Esther, etc – they married unbelievers. While yes, unequally yoked, etc, God has had believers marry non-believers. In general, yes it’s wise to look for a believer but it would be a lie to say there isn’t a precedent of Godly believers marrying non-believers in the Bible.

I think it should be a case by case basis and making sure you’re listening to the Holy Spirit.

One thing that I noticed about Christian women when I was dating is that they are more attracted to non-christians. It also seems that they want men who are ready-made rather than a man that they have to build up into the man they want him to be. Marriage is actually a good tool for making people mature.

Rachel, something Josh inJesus said made me thing of something and I want your input on. I totally agree with all your dating tips btw and I can’t wait for part 2 🙂 But anyways, he said pastors put all this pressure on guys having to have all his ducks in a row before even thinking of dating. I do agree that a lot of that is stupid and unnecessary. But don’t you think that a man should at least be financially independent first? Here’s my situation: I am 32 and still live at home. Long story short, I made some mistakes in my life and I fully own up to them, but am trying to fix it. I went back to school to pursue an actual career so I can provide for a family one day. But given my situation, I honestly don’t think I justify dating until I can find a job and be financially secure. Especially since the Bible says if a man can’t provide for his immediate family, he is worse than an unbeliever. Knowing that, I don’t think most women would want to date me anyways. Do you think it is wise for me to focus on my job search first or do you think I’m just making excuses? I would like your honest opinion, no matter how brutal it may be. I can take it.

Oh and to be sure, I have gone out and pursued girls before so I’m not I’m not afraid to do so. It’s a question of whether it is the right timing to do so or not.

Vincent Yan I forgot which video I talked about this in, maybe it was my “are women inferior” video, but I mentioned how at times, I myself had no business dating because I still lived at home and wasn’t financially independent, etc.

When I met my husband, I had my own apartment, car and job with benefits after graduating college. My husband also had these things. You don’t have to be rich, have savings of x amount, etc, but as long as you can move out into an apartment and you’re paying your own way, I’d say then it’s time to date. If you can handle the responsibilities of supporting yourself, then you’re ready for marriage.

I dated men and was shocked at how many men live on their own but their parents pay their bills. Usually they’re incredibly immature and self-centered and I think the fact that they don’t support themselves keeps them in an infantilized state.