REVIEW: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza

You know that expression: “You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can never please all of the people all of the time?” Well, Kashi should just stop making pizzas, because they are pleasing none of the people none of the time. Seriously, I really wanted to like this pizza. Iâ€™m normally a fan of everything Kashi â€“ their frozen meals, crackers, granola bars, cereals, etcetera, etcetera. But in the past I have been let down by Kashi pizzas. Yet, I decided to give them one more chance to make amends when I saw the new delicious-sounding “Caribbean Carnival” Kashi pizza.

Spoiler alert: While I expected Kashiâ€™s “Caribbean Carnival” pizza to invoke delightful imagery like friendly anthropomorphic parrots and jovial dark-skinned men wearing brightly colored beads in their hair; this pizza was neither “Caribbean” nor a carnival in my mouth. (Discuss!) Being a healthful eater, I normally resent when others disparage health food as tasting like cardboard â€“ however, tasting like wonderful, delicious cardboard would probably be a lofty goal for this pizza.

Its promise of plantains, kale, fire-roasted red onions, mangoes and a “sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk seasoned sauce” yielded a smattering of toppings lumped all in one corner of the pizza, which I meticulously picked apart and spread about before putting the pizza in the oven. Below all of that was some of the nastiest pizza crust known to mankind. I would like to know what think tank thought it would be a good idea to make a pizza crust out of ingredients like buckwheat and brown rice. Poor Antonio Pizzarelli, the inventor of the pizza pie*, would be spinning in his grave if he only knew. Normally the crust is one of my favorite parts of the pizza, and I couldnâ€™t even get it down. Even the dog gave me the stinkface when I tried to pass it off, as if to say, “Iâ€™ll eat this because itâ€™s technically contraband people food; but only begrudgingly so.”

The “toppings” provided little relief to the gritty taste bud-assault that was the crust. The pizza was covered mostly in kale and diced tomatoes, and I think I saw a few specs of yellow that was supposed to be mango. The best part of the pizza was undoubtedly the plantains — as I have expressed my enthusiasm for Kashi products featuring plantains in the past. But unfortunately the pizza only contained four slices of plantains and two bits of something that were probably the bodily remains of brave, fallen plantains who likely fought to the death against being put on this terrible pizza. And as for this alleged sweet and spicy Guava-infused jerk sauceâ€¦Well, I did detect some kind of flavor between the cheese and the crust, but I donâ€™t think it tasted so much like jerk sauce as it did like “a funk.”

What separates Kashi’s Caribbean Carnival Pizza from your garden variety “fail” to an “epic fail,” is that itâ€™s not even particularly healthy. One pizza, which is a reasonable-sized meal for most people, clocks in at over 800 whopping calories. You could probably eat two slices of real pizza for that and not feel let down like a kid who gets socks for Christmas.

Item: Kashi Caribbean Carnival PizzaPrice: $6.99 [sale price, reg. $7.99]Size: 12.7 ouncesPurchased at: Shop RiteRating: 2 out of 10Pros: The bites with plantain on them were almost not terrible. Pleasing all of the people all of the time. Friendly anthropomorphic parrots.Cons: Pizza crust tasted like puppies crying. No mango. Not enough plantains. Eating this instead of real pizza. Horrible taste plus not great nutritional value plus outlandish price like getting raped in three orifices. Getting socks for Christmas.

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17 thoughts to “REVIEW: Kashi Caribbean Carnival Pizza”

I don’t know if it’s a different crust here, but when I had the Margherita pizza from Kashi, I was in love with the crust, and proceeded to announce it my favorite frozen pizza (which was subsequently never in stock at the store). Your mileage may vary, I suppose.

The other time I had a Kashi pizza it was like spinach and mushroom something or other, and I don’t recall the crust being so jarringly bad. But I think the density and whole graininess of it really just really clashed with the alleged “Caribbean” flavors of the pizza.

That is not a pizza. Kale! Guava-infused jerk sauce! That is almost treason i think to even call this a pizza. call it a flat bread or some other bogus name but that is not a pizza. I love guava, mangos, plantains myself but they do not belong on a pizza. If I was Kashi I would be on the lookout for some guidos carrying violin cases around corp headquarters.

Seems like the other reviewer got a different pizza. I say take the money and buy a lottery ticket. The odds are about the same as getting the other reviewers good pizza, and if you win you can go to the Caribbean and have the real deal!

I for one also realize that good quality, healthy food can be flavorful, tasty and yummy. But I also have a beef with kashi’s products. I know that there is no accounting for taste, but seriously that pizza just sounds nasty!

Ummm, I gave up eating Kashi products after discovering that there is such a thing as too much fiber, I’m glad to see this review to prevent me trying this pizza! After living in Ecuador for over 2 years, I can’t stand mango or papaya, although I still like plantains. However, they don’t belong on pizza any more than pineapple does. But that’s my personal opinion.

I’m a fan of all of the Kashi pizzas (the margherita is my fav). The plantains and mangos offer a sweet treat — a good alternative to hawaiian pizza. I like the crust, also. Sorry that you didn’t enjoy it!