Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So, Mommy is late posting this again... but I blame it on being behind last month because of our being sick.

Eight months - can it be? How have these months flown by so fast? I was looking at videos and pictures of you as a tiny, newborn baby, and I can barely remember you being so tiny. Your small, thin legs; your little chubby cheeks; your balding hair. Now, you're a long, happy, curly-headed little girl. You look so old to me now, compared to those pictures.

You're so much fun this month (well, you've always been fun... but you interact more now). You love to play, and you will play with Mommy and Daddy for as long as we'll let you. You even let Mommy play with you. You're my living doll sometimes. In fact, I went to put a bow in your hair one day, and couldn't stop myself...

I got carried away! You were just so peaceful about the whole thing. You didn't even mind that I was messing with your hair. (Just know, I never took you in public like this... this was only for around the house... oh, and online :p)

This month, you've taken to crawling backward. And, you spin around and around to get where you want to go. You don't have much interest in getting places though. You just kind of chill wherever you are, and you're happy to sit in your playpen or on our laps.

I don't know how much longer that will last, but let me take this moment to say just how much I love those moments. There is nothing in this life better than snuggling with you. Sitting in the recliner, cradling you, rocking you, looking into your big brown eyes, stroking your hair -- those moments are HEAVEN, pure and simple. I dread the day that you start to roll and pull away from me to go play on the floor or to just be independent, because I know those moments won't come back again.

Speaking of snuggling and love, you've started doing this cute thing when you get excited. If Daddy makes a funny face at you, or makes you laugh, while Mommy's holding you, you will turn your face into my shoulder real fast and snuggle into me while laughing. It's so cute I could just pass out from the cuteness. :)

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This was the month of "on the verge." You were so close to doing everything: crawling, pulling up, getting into a seated position from laying down, etc. You could get up on your hands and knees and rock back and forth; you could grab furniture and pull yourself a little off the ground, you could roll back onto your hip from your stomach... but you were just short of actually completing those tasks.

This was also the first month that we've had nice weather since you were a tiny, tiny baby. So, we were able to take you to the park. You LOVED the swings, just like mommy. They were always my favorite part of the park.

You're still super smiley. Everything is funny to you. Daddy especially makes you giggle. You love everything he does. You're a daddy's girl for sure.

Mommy is away working a lot, but when I walk in the door you smile and laugh. It's so nice to see you so happy to see me. You laugh at TV. Specifically, you like the "reading of the will" commercial for some cable tv or satelite... I don't really even know what it's an ad for, but you think it's great.

When it comes to TV, there are certain things you love. You love Nick Jr. I'm happy to see you enjoy it so much, but there are some shows that I just can't stand. Do.r.a the E.xpl.orer and Di.e.go are two shows that get under my skin. They repeat themselves so much that it drives me crazy! They're great ideas for a show... but really... if I hear "I'm the map" one more time... !!! What you really like are the end credits of shows, and not just Nick Jr. You like the end credits of all TV shows. It's a strange thing to like, but if the end credits to a show come on, you stop everything to watch them. You won't even turn when we yell for you while the credits are rolling. I'm not sure what you like about them. It's cute, and I'm glad to write it out and have a record of it for you to see someday.

My sweet girl, you've stolen my heart more than you will ever be able to know. I wish there was some way for me to take this love I have for you and put it in your heart for one minute... just long enough for you to always know how connected, attached, in love I am with you. I would do anything for you... absolutely anything.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Updating our homestudy, as it's been over a year since it was completed. We want to keep it active so we are open to foster and adopt scenarios from our SW. It's supposed to be easier to update the homestudy than to let it expire and do the whole process again... but I beg to differ. It's pretty much the exact same process. No, we didn't have to attend a semester of classes, but we did have to read seven "modules" (chapters) and do homework. We do have to go to CPI training refresher (2-3 hours), medicine administration training, and CPR Refresher. We have to redo our finances. We have to get the cats vaccinated; we have to get Meerkat a physical and have the doctor fill out a form. We have to get copies of our insurances. We have to write several paragraphs about the types of adoption related training/reading/etc. we've done over the course of the last year. We have to do the interview process again.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I like to watch the "all races" section of our adoption facilitattorney's (I'll call them that because they're neither agent nor facilitator, but rather a hybrid of the two mixed with attorney...) website. The numbers are astounding to me... in more ways than one. Let me break it down to show you some things I've noticed:

1. On February 2nd, I counted all of the couples adopting through our facilitattorney and there were more than 260 families waiting to be matched. Only 13 of them were willing to accept all races. This bothers me in some ways, and also makes me feel such a strong connection with these 13 couples, even though I don't know them. Why? Because I am able to follow their journey by watching their pictures on this website. I don't have any contact with them (save one couple who blog), and yet, I feel like I'm following their adoption journey just the same.

2. Two weeks ago, the "all races" group was down to 8 waiting families. Just 8! I was so pleased that families were getting matched.

3. Today, there are 11 couples on the list... and none of them are new faces. That means that in the last couple weeks, 3 families have experienced some sort of disruption, whether their own decision or that of the first family. This breaks my heart...

4. Of the 11 couples on the list right now, 4 couples have been waiting since we were matched one year ago today. And a couple others were added to the list not long after that.

Dear families who are waiting to be matched with that special baby who will make your life bloom:

I am your silent cheerleader. You probably don't know I exist. You probably feel so alone and miserable in your wait. You probably feel down about the process in general, or maybe you've experienced a disruption and feel the worst kind of down right now.

I am rooting for you all. Every time one of your faces disappears from the list, I am filled with hope and excitement for you, and I pray I don't see your face back on the list until you put it there for your next little one.

I am sending you good vibes; wishing you well; putting all my hope out there for you. I truly hope you special people will have your precious one SOON!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Tonight, while working on advertisements for real estate, grading papers for my classes, and taking little breaks to post pictures on facebook, I saw a status update from a couple I've taken a liking to since we started this adoption blog a year and a half ago.

This couple is now experiencing a disruption in an adoption they've been hoping for for a while now, and that they had been cautiously preparing their homes and hearts for over the last couple months.

My heart is breaking for them. If you two are reading this, please know just how much I hurt for you.

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This adoption road is a tricky one, isn't it? On one hand, this is a loss for a loving couple who had grown to love the idea of this child, as if they were pregnant and waiting for their baby to be in their arms. The same type of loss a mother may feel when giving her baby up for adoption, or if, God forbid, she experience a miscarriage.

Loss in adoption.

I think about it a lot.

Loss.

Why does something so beautiful have to contain such a horrible thing -- Loss. Emptiness. Aching. Hurt. What-ifs.

If the adoption goes through, the first mother experiences the loss of her child. The first family experiences the loss of the baby. The baby experiences the loss of her first mother/family.

If the adoption fails, the adoptive couple experiences the loss of a child - a loss no less painful than any other.

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But, I am of the belief that adoption is a beautiful thing, and that when all things work out right, and if the adoption is able to be open, everyone gains rather than loses. The first family gains a new couple to love. The couple gains a new family to love. The baby gains connections to her past, present, and future.

This couple I've spoken of have always been super conscious of the importance of the first mother, and it is clear that they honor and respect this role. I hope that another opportunity will present itself to them soon, and that it will allow them the opportunity to share this love and respect with the first mom and family. I hope that their next opportunity will be an adoption filled with gains rather than losses.

My heart aches and grieves for you both right now. I am wishing the best for your days to come, and hoping you have some peace.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for not posting lately... Please know, the posting will pick up more after school's out. But I will continue to try and post as often as possible until then.

Here's why:

-- I teach English at TWO universities. At one of these schools, I teach a full courseload. I teach one three hour evening class at the other.

-- In addition to teaching these classes, I have to grade... a lot. I have about 100+ students total. They write approx. 6 formal writing assignments (a total of about 30 pages per student each semester, not counting homeworks/informal writings/quizzes that must be graded.) This means about 3,000 pages of writing that I must read over the course of a semester. I not only have to read these pages, but I must comment on every single one. Yeah. It takes FOREVER.

-- I am also a realtor. I spend two days a week in the office, and I spend as much time as necessary out in the field showing and listing houses.

-- As you know from following the blog, I am also a new mommy. I want to dedicate as much free time as I can to my beautiful, curly headed baby. :)

Soooooo.... I promise, I will attempt to blog frequently, because I love keeping track of what's going on in baby's life and ours. But, if I am spare in my blogging, the above reasons are why.

I will be done teaching in May, and that's when I will have significant free time.

***Please note: I am not complaining about my jobs. I love what I do. I'm just commenting on the amount of time I have to dedicate to said jobs.

About Us:

We are two, happily married teachers/writers journaling our journey to build our family through the adoption process.

We are unable to conceive a child due to infertility. Though painful, it has grown us closer together, strengthened our desire to build our family through adoption, and brought us our beautiful little girl. We are journaling the excitement, fears, ins and outs of our adoption process so that others can learn from our experience.