I find myself torn (again) between the pain a parent has and the realities of teaching, frosted over heavily with blaming schools (and teachers) for exceptionally harsh realities a child has. Yes, I’m sorry that this one child has issues. But it seems apparent to me, from what the parent writes, these issues are severe. I dared to comment and the parent was not pleased with me so here goes.

The parent stated, “My son’s impulsivity, hyperactivity, inability to read social cues, inability to attend to tasks, inability to make sense of auditory cues, had already worn out this special education staff.” And she noted he has been in seven schools.

To me, as a teacher of many years, the child’s above listed behaviors make that child a very, very tough addition. That the child has been removed or taken out of seven schools by 4th grade speaks volumes about the child.

Teachers want and need to have parents as allies. We accommodate, we listen, we try. We cry with parents. But here’s a secret we whisper around the teachers’ lounge: “We don’t have magic fairy dust we can sprinkle on broken families and some kids with genetic ‘issues.’ ” An unspoken belief is that we are not even supposed to utter those thoughts.

Take my classroom (fifth grade – 31 kiddos) which is already touched by: gang involvement, family incarceration, death, under-employment, a word gap, no or little printed reading matter in homes, second- and third-language* issues, trauma, immigration status issues, drug and alcohol issues, and unbelievable percentage of kid with special needs. Oh, and throw in the fact that school and teacher are evaluated on test-outcomes.

Their child was kicked out of a pre-school in Mill Valley (mucho high socio-economic, by the way). Then released from Catholic school, home schooled, placed in a special needs school where “he didn’t fit in.” The parents have now moved to Connecticut and the child dreads school. Of course the poor thing does.

We in public school teaching are incredibly overwhelmed. And, yes, we teachers all know that special ed kids are by law “supposed to be taught in the least restrictive environment.”

But what does that mean? Least restrictive for whom? Certainly not the other 31 kids encumbered with an armada of tipping point anti-education factors already.

For those of us in the thick, wet, mucky front line teaching trenches having one more Sisyphean factor contributes to new teachers leaving the profession at a rate of nearly 50 percent by their fifth year. And it is an additional variable for veteran teachers retiring by the herd.

That this suffering kiddo was asked to leave or not allowed in a variety of different institutions means there is a base problem. And like police, teachers can NOT solve nor fix all of societies inequities, wretched injustices and genetics’ horrible rolls of the die. That this unfortunate child and his family are suffering and worry what the future offers them cannot be in doubt. Remember we teach to educate. Along the way we fix too, a lot.

But I’m really, really tired of schools and teachers getting the blame.

Sorry, truly, truly sorry for all the parents with kids with issues. Work with us – don’t blame us. You will probably never in your life have someone more interested in your child’s well-being than their teacher. Teachers try our very best. I try my best with my two 10-year-old students who defecated in class daily. I try when my class of 10-year olds had four dead parents one year. I try when one of my kids hid under his desk and ate pencil shavings. I try when they go to prison years later. I try when they attend a family members funeral – usual gang related. And the kids are out on Monday because most shootings occur over weekends. (My favorite kiddo got a life sentence at age 13.)

Just last week I received an email from a mom. I taught her child five years ago, so he’s 15 now. She said, “Mr. Karrer, you are the best teacher my son ever had. He has to do a photography project and would like to film you.” Of course I spent the day with him, flattered. The boy has Asperger’s syndrome.

Therefore, I get really, really, really annoyed when I read articles complaining, blaming schools and teachers. We can’t always legislate fixes. But teachers sure do try to fix. It’s what we do all day and all year.

I wish this family the best of luck. To me they need a very, very, small tight education setting for their child, like the 1-to-8 ratio they now have in Connecticut. But please don’t blame the seven schools he was in.