Blame it on the media. And books. And stories of happily ever after. Hell, even the concept of “Camelot,” the concept of “finding the one.” But marriage isn’t just about wedding rings, gorgeous gowns and expensive food. It’s not just about romance. It’s about spending the rest of your life with your husband—your partner in life.

But unfortunately, with all the media available to us, marriage has been romanticized to a degree that some people are made to believe that it’s easy. Others, on the other hand, become so caught up with the preparation of the wedding too much to actually prepare for marriage life itself. Some forget that the wedding is just a ceremony, and things won’t ever be the same again after the “big day.”

As a part-time invitations designer, I’ve been a witness to different couple dynamics—I’ve had clients who can’t seem to get enough of each other, but at the same time, I also had those who seemed to be always at each other’s throats. Sadly, I’ve even had clients whose wedding never pushed through. Seeing all these happen before me, I could not help but have fears myself.

Why does this happen? Why do some weddings don’t push through? The worst, and far-from-reassuring answer you’d probably get: sorry, but it wasn’t meant to be. Unfortunately, it’s so true. You may be the logical-thinking type of person (the mind-over-heart person or something), but really. There isn’t more logical an answer than “it wasn’t meant to be.”

You might not be the right gal for him, or the other way around. You might have suddenly realized that you won’t be able to live with him for the rest of your lives together. Or worse, you might have met somebody else.

These things really do happen, not just in movies and romance novels. That’s why it really is necessary to get some counseling first before actually tying the knot. You need be very sure that you’d want to spend the rest of your life with that person. 50% sure won’t do. Not even a 99% would suffice. You have to be really sure—that person you’ll be tying the knot with will be with you till the day you die. Unless, of course, you don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage.

It’s common for us to think that we’re “running out of time.” Like, you’ll need to get married now or you probably won’t get married ever again. I myself have thought that during one of those times when I was asking myself why I was putting myself through all the pressure of wedding planning. My husband and I wanted to be sure we were getting married for the right reasons, and even considered putting off the wedding (regardless of the fact that we’ve already sent all invitations and reserved suppliers).

So why did we push through with it? I don’t really know. Maybe it’s because we realized that we wanted to be partners in life, otherwise, something would be missing. We wanted to get married. There was some fear, yes. But something deep in our hearts told us that it’s the right time—and that we were right for each other.

Maybe it’s better that soon-to-weds go through this “doubting Thomas” stage. That way, you can really sit down and see through the romanticized cloud of marriage—it’s not all about wedding gowns and fancy wedding rings. It’s about a lifetime of commitment, responsibility, and love.