You may not find it in a medical textbook, but many young girls
suffer from Princess Syndrome daily. What is Princess Syndrome,
you ask? A girl who suffers from PS lives life as a fairy-tale:
focusing only on the pretty things, putting herself as the center
of the universe, and obsessing about her looks (even if she's only
headed to the playground). While this can be fun and whimsical
when a girl is a toddler, it can also set the tone for how she
develops into a young woman, influencing her self-esteem, her
dependence on others, how she takes care of herself and how
empowered she feels in her life.

There are messages everywhere presented to girls that being a
princess is the best, and only, way to be. In today's society,
with its focus on appearance, having only the finest things, and
the need to be number one, it is understandable that girls are
having a difficult time deciphering the messages they observe.

And why wouldn't they? Clothing stores sell t-shirts that tell
them they are "too pretty to do homework." Other stores sell
thongs to seven to ten year olds with slogans on them, such as
"wink wink" or "eye candy;" one has even started selling
crotchless underwear for girls within this age range. Abercrombie
and Fitch, a nationally known clothing company, sold bikinis with
push up tops in them designed for children as young as 5. How do
young girls learn that they have worth beyond their appearance,
when the inordinate amount of pressure on them to "do this" or
"look like that" begins so young? And, while this pressure might
have started as a teenager in the past, current research shows
that girls as young as 11 are having issues with their bodies.

Parents often have the misconception that their daughters can
avoid being affected by the messages they are receiving.
Unfortunately, as well intentioned as this idea is, it takes an
incredible amount of self-confidence and self-awareness to avoid
being seduced by these messages. Advertising is incredibly
powerful and impacts all of us at all ages. Expecting your
daughter, at age 3, 4, or 5 to understand that life is better if
you have solid values, good friends and a healthy lifestyle, in
comparison to the princess lifestyle, is unrealistic. It is up to
you, as a parent, to combat the pressures coming from the outside.

Of course, it isn't solely about appearance and impaired body
image, when considering Princess Syndrome. It is also important to
consider the other messages that your daughter gets from the fairy
tale life she creates. She may learn that she cannot be
self-sufficient, and that she has to rely on a savior to make it
all better. This can include friendships that are vapid and
superficial, boyfriends who get to dictate to her what she can and
cannot do, and a lack of internal motivation because she "expects"
it all to come to her. Being a princess has its place; being a
princess who is empowered to create her kingdom herself? A much
better option.

So, what can a parent do to help his/her daughter create her own
happily ever after? Your first instinct may be to try to shield
your daughter from all potentially negative influences.
Unfortunately, this is virtually impossible. Rather than avoid it,
teach her how to deal with the pressure, and help her to develop
positive self-esteem, a realistic body-image and self-sufficiency.

As a parent, you can teach your daughter how to replace the
unhealthy "princess symptoms" with positive "heroine values." By
starting young, you can set the stage for your daughter as she
grows up. But where to start?

The changes start with you. As you become more aware of the
messages in toys, clothing, and television shows, you can begin to
share them with your daughter and teach her things that will help
her create a more positive, empowered sense of herself. Below are
some skills to work on developing with your daughter. It's never
too early to start.

1) Question the media: Teach your daughter to be an
educated consumer and to think about the messages she receives.
Start to help her formulate questions about the things she wants,
why she likes certain celebrities, why appearance may be so
important. Help her to develop her own ideas about what it means
to be strong, independent and confident, and to seek out similar
things within the media.

2) Teach her about dressing appropriately: Everywhere
you turn, clothes are getting skimpier and skimpier. Skirts are
getting shorter; tops are getting tighter. Similarly, clothes that
used to be appropriate for teens are now being worn by fifth
graders. Start early teaching your daughter about the messages she
sends by the clothes she wears. You certainly are not going to get
into a discussion with your five year old about what is sexy. You
may, though, talk about what might be more comfortable or easy to
wear when playing with her friends, and how much more fun she will
have if she is comfortable. This does not mean thwarting your
daughter's individuality and sense of style. In fact, it may mean
promoting it. Let her be mismatched. She's exploring who she is,
and having fun while doing it.

3) Help her find her voice: Encourage your daughter to
speak up and ask questions. If she sees something she doesn't
like, a doll or a shirt with a mixed message, support her choice
to talk with you about it. If she comes to you with a concern,
make the time to talk with her. All too often girls avoid speaking
up for fear of damaging relationships they may have. The more
comfortable they feel talking with you about their feelings, and
the earlier this starts, the more likely they will be able to do
it as they develop into teens (which is when you really
want them talking with you).

4) Remember: Conformity is not required: sometimes your
daughter is going to want what other kids have, just because they
have it. Giving in to this pressure is easy to do. Help guide your
daughter to understand that being an individual is good. Encourage
her to embrace her differences and even celebrate them! This will
only help her as she grows up and develops a strong sense of
herself, her likes and dislikes and in how she determines what she
will or will not do.

Throughout your daughter's development, she will be pulled in
lots of directions to act, think and behave in certain ways. As
her parent, it is important to use your influence to help
direct her towards choosing things that will promote her ability
to find her best self, and fight the allure of the princess
syndrome. Getting her into some "princess recovery" might be the
best way to help your daughter grow into the heroine you know she
can be.

Author Bio
Jennifer L. Hartstein, PsyD, author of Princess Recovery:
A How-To Guide to Raising Strong, Empowered Girls Who Can Create
Their Own Happily Ever Afters, a child and adolescent
psychologist, is a regular correspondent for The Early Show.
She has also appeared on Fox News, The Today Show,
and Headline News. Dr. Hartstein uses a variety of
treatment approaches that promote strong self-awareness, distress
tolerance, and acceptance. She lives in New York City.