I get it, that you don't want to consider yourself "on call" to your phone.

But now that you've seen that you wish you hadn't missed stuff, maybe you can add it to your routine in a SMALL way.

Maybe every morning, as you leave your house, you check to see if your phone is charged *and whether there are any texts or missed calls*.

Or every night just before bed, maybe you do this--that way the phone is charged in the a.m. and you get messages once.

This. From the OP, it is free for her to receive texts. Her friends send out text to plan events. So, she has the invitation in her phone, but because she doesn't check her phone often, she misses things. Sound to me that rather than expecting your friends to change their reasonable behavior and have to put in extra work, she could just make a point of checking her phone each night to see if she has any texts. You don't have to reply to the text - you can email or call - but I really do think that this is on the OP. She is being invited, she's choosing not to read the invitation because it wasn't delivered in her preferred format.

What if the OP didn't text because of financial reasons? Would that make a difference?

I guess I'm conflicted. Like the OP, I didn't text. Didn't have a texting plan, didn't want one. Finally, because work sources kept texting me and I had to deal with it, I opted for a texting phone and plan, ponying up a good bit more money each month that I would have preferred to put somewhere else.

Now I'm seeing an expectation (from friends, mostly) that I have a smart phone and can do things those with smart phones do. Well, no. Don't have one, don't want one. But I can see myself getting pushed into it.

I just hate the technology race.

Logged

ďShe was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.Ē ― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites

What if the OP didn't text because of financial reasons? Would that make a difference?

I guess I'm conflicted. Like the OP, I didn't text. Didn't have a texting plan, didn't want one. Finally, because work sources kept texting me and I had to deal with it, I opted for a texting phone and plan, ponying up a good bit more money each month that I would have preferred to put somewhere else.

Now I'm seeing an expectation (from friends, mostly) that I have a smart phone and can do things those with smart phones do. Well, no. Don't have one, don't want one. But I can see myself getting pushed into it.

I just hate the technology race.

In her OP, she says that it is free to receive texts, but that it costs money to send texts. That's why I suggested that she can check her phone for texts and then reply via email or a phone call should she want to.

You can't make people go out of their way to accommodate you, but the ones that really want to see you will. Your friends who don't listen to your circumstances are basically saying that they're willing to take the risk that you won't get their invite & miss the outing if it means not having to contact you separately. As a solution, I suggest finding one person in the group who you are closer to and ask them to give you a heads up if there is something being planned.

This is a very thoughtful post.

My MIL doesn't have a computer and never will. So we just pick up the phone and call her when there's some event she needs to know about.

DH and I don't text. Our cell phones are old and we don't plan to replace them unless we have to. We're on a tight (retirement) budget. It isn't stubbornness but hard financial reality that keeps us from buying the latest gadgets. That doesn't mean we never will, but that we think hard and long before investing in newer technology.

People who know and care about us know how to reach us (email, voice mail, cell or landline).

This isn't just a matter of some people being holdouts on technology because they want to make other people's lives more difficult. There may be many reasons why not everyone uses the same technology.

What if the OP didn't text because of financial reasons? Would that make a difference?

I guess I'm conflicted. Like the OP, I didn't text. Didn't have a texting plan, didn't want one. Finally, because work sources kept texting me and I had to deal with it, I opted for a texting phone and plan, ponying up a good bit more money each month that I would have preferred to put somewhere else.

Now I'm seeing an expectation (from friends, mostly) that I have a smart phone and can do things those with smart phones do. Well, no. Don't have one, don't want one. But I can see myself getting pushed into it.

I just hate the technology race.

In her OP, she says that it is free to receive texts, but that it costs money to send texts. That's why I suggested that she can check her phone for texts and then reply via email or a phone call should she want to.

I agree with this. I have never seen a plan where it costs money to receive texts, but I'm sure they're out there somewhere. If the OP was in a situation where she couldn't afford to receive texts I'd be a lot more willing to work around it.

A "cannot" trumps my preferences. A "will not" does not, because then it's a question of your preferences vs. mine.

This is not a matter of not being able to afford to. It might actually be more polite to use the lie Toots suggested. If a friend told me they have a cell phone and are perfectly capable of receiving texts; but they wonít, they just wonít, it just stays in their purse my eyes would be doing some serious rolling. I would think either they didnít really want to hear from me and it was just an excuse, or they were seriously special. The difference between I canít and I wonít is gaping. Youíre talking about checking your own phone. And you wonít do it because you just donít want to. I would prefer to be lied to. Tell me you canít, tell me itís broken, donít tell me you just donít feel like it. My mind is a little blown by the very idea, to be honest.

Logged

It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can. ~Gaslight Anthem

I am struck by one thing in all this, OP. You'd like your friends to change the way they communicate with you, which means each of them would be actively doing *something* to fix this situation. But the situation could easily be fixed by YOU doing one simple little thing each day.

Instead of asking all your friends to do something, all you have to do is just look at your phone once a day. Just once a day! Problem solved.

I agree with the posters who say the OP should check her phone morning and night and if she doesn't want to text back to pick up the phone and call (or whatever she wants to do). For me, texting works and phone calls do not, largely because I can text whenever and wherever but rarely can talk on the phone uninterrupted. I am in far better/closer contact with my texting friends than with the very few who don't text much. I think the OP should realize that she can take a hard stance here, but there will be consequences of that stance.

I am struck by one thing in all this, OP. You'd like your friends to change the way they communicate with you, which means each of them would be actively doing *something* to fix this situation. But the situation could easily be fixed by YOU doing one simple little thing each day.

Instead of asking all your friends to do something, all you have to do is just look at your phone once a day. Just once a day! Problem solved.

Here is what I've observed in the last five years:The METHOD of communication has, for many people, become more important than with WHOM they communicate and if a person will not sign onto using that method, they have signed off on the relationship.

I saw this happen in my dd's high school. If a kid didn't have a cell phone with texting capabilities, they were gradually eliminated from the circles of friends because they didn't know when people were getting together/when plans had changed after school, etc. It wasn't that the kids didn't like the cell phone-free person, but that they considered it "too much trouble" to remember to call the person, to deal with the exception to the rule. There was this exasperation of, "Why don't they just get a phone already! Must not want to be in the loop, then..."

I'm not a fan of Facebook and resisted using it for a long time. I very recently had to surrender because that's how my family communicates. I didn't know a niece was engaged and another niece was pregnant or that a cousin was moving, etc, because I chose not to use FB. I liked to think that if "it was important enough" that they'd call, text, email me... but they didn't. It's not that they are bad people, or don't love me or don't want me in the know, but the means of communication had become so critical that it was either sign onto the means or get left behind. The person who really lost out was me, not them. So I reluctantly got on FB. I use it once a day to check up on family doings through wall posts and respond to messages. It hasn't added drama to my life or taken much time away from my private time. It has added a lot more information and connection with my family, particularly the younger relations who contact me much more than they ever did before. Therefore, it was worth it to me to do something I had resisted doing. Priorities.

So I think it's on you, OP. It's not being a slave to your phone to check it once nightly for any important messages. I also think that you are fighting a losing battle if you think you can make them call you/email you when everyone else is texting.

I also recommend Google Voice. You get a number and tell your friends it's your new cell number. You set up GV to ring both your home and cell phone, and your phone to display your GV number when you make outgoing calls. You can have GV send voice mails to your email. It will also send your texts to your email.

If your friends call your cell when you're home, answer the home phone. If they leave a voice mail or text, the message will go your email (which is what you said you want). You win. They win. Everybody's happy!