I registered myself in this forum so that I can tlalk and exchange experiences with others, as I am going through a big awakenjng the last months and I feel like going crazy sometimes..but first to me as a "person":

I am a 21 year old young man, born in Germany, I like arts, music, philosophy, sports and well life, but at this very moment I feel like I need guidance..

(This post will be longer so thanks to everyone who red the whole lot and might have the time to give me some answers/guidance)

First a bit about how my awakening happened and what happenend/is happening atm.
A bit more than a year ago I was a terribly depressed and lost guy with no outlook in my life. I was a lost soul, without any idea what to do and I had a hard few months after i finished school and finished my part time job. I was hanging around, doing nothimg and my depression got worse and worse and I knew I have to do something but I didn't knew what, there was just a feeling in me that I have to leave home, to leave my friends and family, to leave everything I know. Something pilled me away from my safe comfortably arranged home and the more I resisted this pull the worse it got, until I decided to do what I felt was right, to leave. I looked what I could do and I found an opportunity to work in a foreign country and travel there at the same time for a year. I decided, despite my bad mental state, to do that and to leave my home in a town in Germany to fly to the other side of the world, New Zealand. Looking back it was crazy to do this. I was depressed, anxious but I did it regardless.
I am now finished with this year and now I spend two months in Australia before flying back home.

This year transformed me tremendously. During this year I was blessed with meeting great friends, whom I had great conversations with, whom created space where I could heal many wounds in my heart and let out my pain so that now my past is where it belongs and the present is my focus. During this year I had a few moments where I almost quit because I felt like going insane, 3 times did I almost flew back because I couldn't stand it anymore, but this pulling feeling was strong in those moments, telling me not to quit and to keep going. I trusted, it worked, I'm here stronger and maybe a little wiser than before.
Looking back it really was a drazy decision, but I'm grateful that I made it.

During this year I met especially one guy from France that is a great friend of mine now and he was there for me in my worst times and I'm thankful for him being there, because I might have gone completely crazy and the reason for me going almost crazy was my awakening after reading The Power of Now. This book was a blessing in disguise and I was completely shaken after reading it for the first time. Nothing made sense, my whole self was collapsing. I couldn't relate to myself anymore, I was just terribly confused. This went on for a good few weeks after reading it before my brain was able to digest it properly. After those few weeks I was so much more at peace with everything. With myself, with the world.
My interest in spirituality, the nature of our existence grew more and more as I've always been a very intuitive and wondering person I wanted more answers and I red. A LOT, maybe too much.

Autobiography of a Yogi
The peaceful Warrior
The power of now
The alchemist
Osho - The god that doesn't exist

And many more books came into my hands and I red them all. I swallowed the red pill big time. Before coming to NZ my whole reason for being was to make money and have a job to enjoy life now I have no interest in that anymore. This year has transformed me so much that I don't see any other reason for being than to heal and help others, because when I leave this body and this earth I can't take anything with me, except the knowing what I've left behind and I want to make sure, that what I leave behind was service, compassion and love and inspiration for others. My whole spectrum of interests changed from video games and chasing after girls to music, peotry and writing/drawing, trying to pour my heart into something ( I might start a blog for my writing as some people who red my writing found them beautiful).. not that I wouldn't mind sharing my life with someone, but I am happy with myself and what is meant to be will be. As a career later on I was thinking of studying traditional chinese medicine, as I can help people and do something I am interested in, health and well being, through the healing powers of the body and natural medicine, to bring balance into our pharmaceutical polluted health care systems.

This is the inward change I'm going through at the moment but what is starting to freak me out is the deepth of thinking about life, because the more I think about it the more absurd and weird it is, but beautiful at the same time.
What puzzles me especially at the moment is language. If we break it down language are just sounds our mouths make, which we attached to symbols which make up words and through that human beings can communicate with each other I mean how crazy is that ?
It almost seems to me as our whole reality is made of words and our world is created through our minds and I ask myself is it real in the first place ?

Another thing what makes me feel weird is that life is basically just a playing of energy, but what is energy? Isn't it just amother word we created that means basically nothing if we domt attach mening to it ? Is life maybe, just maybe just an illusion (not in the sense that it's not real, but just not the way it seems, speak illusory?). A playing of energy, and if life is energy and we know energy can not be created or destroyed would that mean it never began and will never end, that life is infinite and we experience it in a finite world ?

Those kind of thoughts are in my head and they tend to make me feel alienated from life, because it makes it look artificial and unreal..

Hello Missio, my young brother in spirit and siblings in the vast family of humankind, companion traveller on the evolutionary pathway of life. Here are a few of my reflections on the issues you are raising:

The Symbolism Of The Six-Pointed Star

The six-pointed star is a symbol of the healing that eventually takes place between the Great White Spirit, Father/Mother of all life and every one of His/Her earthly children. The downwards pointing triangle of the star represents our Highest Self and the upwards reaching one our lower earthly self. When the small self’s evolutionary journey of exploration on the Earth draws to its close, the two parts begin to reach out for each other and come ever closer. This continues until finally they have merged into a bright and shining Star and another Christed one is working hard to do their share of establishing God’s kingdom on the Earth.

Spirit alone can create matter and destroy it at will and all matter is imbued with spirit. Any spirit that dwells in matter assists the matter surrounding it in its own evolution. When humankind was first introduced to an existence in physicality, planet Earth had been prepared for this event for aeons of time, to ensure that in due course it could act as a suitable learning ground and a school of life for our race. And so it came about that ever since some of us appeared for the first time, we and our planet have been evolving together. All of us are spirit and in due course we too shall learn how to create and destroy matter.

The emergence of our race on the Earth enabled the Highest to provide us with countless real life opportunities for studying and learning, which would steadily expand our wisdom and understanding of life, ourselves and our world. This is how it comes about that the course of a great many lifetimes we gradually develop the skills that are required by us to live up to our role as young Gods in the making. Life itself always has been our teacher and for the time being Mother Earth has to remain our school. But although our earthly lessons are real enough while we are here, the more aware one becomes of the true purpose and meaning of our existence, the more one notices that in truth the whole operation is very much like play-acting at school.

Ever since the start of humankind’s descent into matter, tenderly cared for and watched over by our loving parent, the Great White Spirit, Father/Mother of all life, together with Its messengers, the Angels, the consciousness of us and our world has been expanding in wisdom and understanding. Through this every human soul in due course learns to differentiate between darkness and light, good and evil, honour and betrayal, love and hate, and so forth. And because the only way of learning the value of peace is through experiencing wars, as far back as historical records are available, human life on the Earth seems to have consisted of not much more that warmongering and destruction. This ensures that we shall truly cherish peace when it finally does come to our world. With all my heart and soul I do believe that this is going to happen and that we shall value it most highly.

On the road to peace and reconciliation it is good to know that God and the Angels have always accompanied us, more than that: they have been and still are part of us. That’s why they are familiar with every bit of our suffering. At all times they are willing to help us, but they cannot do so until someone ask for it, for that is the law. As we move along the predestined pathway of our life, through our struggling our inner strength and resistance increases. To quote the Talmud: ‘The burden is equal to the horse’s strength.’ And to paraphrase the Roman Emperor and philosopher Marcus Aurelius, 121 – 180 C.E.: ‘Nothing befalls human beings, except what is in their nature to endure.’

God and the Angels have the power to grant us the gift of sufficient courage and vigour to do what has to be done, so let’s not forget to ask them to supply us with them, so that regardless of how chaotic Earth life on its surface may frequently appear to be we shall be able to cope and deal constructively with whatever comes our way. Instead of being dragged down by earthly events, for us as budding seekers of God’s wisdom and truth it is of the greatest importance to focus on that which is at the same time happening on the higher and highest levels of life, where the way of all things is known. This perception of life lifts us above the material plane and into our Creator’s positive stream of consciousness and thought, and that helps us to steer clear of the thoughts and impressions of chaos and darkness the scaremongers of our world enjoy wallowing in to spread fear and doubt into the hearts and souls of humankind.

Because we know what life really is about, there is every reason why we should trust the wisdom and power of the Highest. Therefore, let us not allow ourselves to be sucked into the negative stream where the worst is expected at all times for us and our world, but frequently remind ourselves that as one of God’s children of the Age of Aquarius we no longer need to join their thinking. We are here to practise tuning our whole being into the positive thought stream. This is not difficult when we know deep down in our heart of hearts that only the best is waiting for us, our race and world and that it is sure to emerge in the fullness of time, that everything will work out for the best in the end and that out of all the evil that still exists on the Earth much good is bound to come in the end. The law of life being love, it simply cannot be any other way.

To assist us with this, the Christ Star, the Highest Star and the brightest light in the whole of Creation, at all times spreads Its light in the form of spiritual knowledge, wisdom and truth, through the channel of all awakened ones ever deeper into the layers of consciousness of our whole world. The only way the Christ Spirit can save and redeem all of us is by waking up in ever more hearts and souls. That is God’s truth which for so long had to remain hidden behind the myth of Jesus as the saviour and redeemer of humankind. Through our faith and trust in the Highest, the upper triangle of the Star, every last shred of darkness of ignorance, fears and doubts of our small earthly self, the lower triangle, as well as all the pain and suffering of our whole world are slowly but surely absorbed into the upper triangle, our Christ Self, who uplifts and transmutes them into blessing and healing energies for the whole of Creation.

Regardless of what still has to take place in the world around us, the perception of life we have found by now is helps us to remain positive at all times. Our way of thinking shows the wise ones in charge of us that we are indeed evolving into one of the Great Mother’s wise children. This continues until our thoughts have the power to penetrate the mists and darkness that to this day fill and surround so much of our world. The more positively we think, the more powerfully the rays of God’s light flow through us. Eventually it grows strong enough to fill the densest particles of matter with the Divine blessing and healing energies, which steadily absorb more and more of the gloom of earthly life. By listening to and following the guidance we receive from the living God, the wise one within, everybody who is consciously involved in humankind’s spiritual reconstruction is meant to go forward and lead our whole world home.

The six-pointed Star represents the healing process, in which the higher and lower aspects of our nature gradually join forces and grow into one. A new Star appears on the Earth plane and a Christed one comes into being, who is capable of acting as one more saviour and redeemer of themselves, the whole of humankind and our world. For a very long time such a being may walk in our midst without they themselves and those around them realising that this is happening. The different developmental stages every soul has to undergo on its way to evolving into a Christed one is the Divine truth behind the surface words of the Jesus legend. That is the message the myth has been trying to convey to humankind ever since its first appearance.

When we share the knowledge we gain on the long journey of growing into a Christed one with as many as possible, in the hope that they in turn will pass it on to others, slowly but surely the darkness of the spiritual ignorance of our world slowly dissolves and turns into light. Robert Alden wrote: ‘There is not enough darkness in all the world, to put out the light of one candle.’ The same is true for every grain of Divine wisdom. Each one of them can sow a seed which, when the time is right for this to happen, creates a tiny spark of clear and distinct recognition in the receiving soul. This is what happens when our inner guidance, the small still voice of conscience, upon hearing or reading something murmurs: ‘This is right, you know!’ A small shoot begins to grow within and the Divine spark stirs from its slumbers.

This is how it comes about that in due course the higher and lower aspects of our nature are being integrated into our character make-up. They heal together into one single unit, which makes us whole and holy, and another one of God’s children of the Earth has developed into a Christed one in their own right. For us the vast cycle of learning and experiencing life in physicality closes, our earthly education is complete and there will be no further need for lifetimes on this planet. Upon our return into the world of light, our true home, a warm and loving welcome from the wise ones in charge of us is sure to await us. After the usual period of rest and recuperation they are going to release us into the spiritual freedom of the Aquarian Age and at long last we are allowed to move on to exploring and studying the higher and finally the highest levels of life.

Not surprisingly the last lifetime before such a release can take place is a particularly tough and demanding one. This is because the remnants of the shadows of all lifetimes have to be cleared away, karmic debts paid and our sins against Mother Earth redeemed in some way. Every relationship has to be transformed into a friendship, to ensure that no unresolved issues or connections are left behind when we leave our present level of existence. We shall not be free until the balance of our spiritual account in the great book of life has been restored. But take heart all who are presently struggling with coming to terms and making their peace with earthly life. If you just keep on keeping on, you are sure to get there in the end, the same as everybody else when their time of liberation from Earth life has come.

During prayer our inner self is active
And with our whole being we give
Our undivided attention to our Creator.
Failing to pray is a sign that someone has not yet
Recognised their own Christ nature and that
Themselves are a spark of the Divine,
The same as everybody else.

All human beings contain this spark and also
Every other lifeform that shares our world with us.
Lacking the desire to pray merely means
That a person’s spark is still slumbering
And that their time for its awakening
Has not yet come.
Not praying, not even knowing how to,
Shows that we are out of touch
With the most profound aspect of our being.

Some believe that prayer is an element
That separates us from real life,
Which to them means our earthly existence.
Yet, quite the opposite is true.
Prayer reconnects us
With the eternal realities of our Christ nature.
It helps us to rediscover our own Divinity
And takes us back into the conscious awareness
Of our oneness with God and all life.