Valentine Blues? Here's Why You Might Be Single!

05/02/2014 13:21 GMT
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Updated
06/04/2014 10:59 BST

If you're single and fed up with it, finding love can feel impossible. Often it's a combination of the psychological and the practical that stops us from finding love. So take a breath, and if you're ready, let's take a look at what you might need to change and do... to make it happen for you.

Thoughts and emotions

1. Are you scared to death and secretly avoiding the whole thing? Maybe you've been hurt in the past; maybe you've too many horror stories, maybe your parents made each other miserable. But let's be honest, you also believe in love. Yes you do! It's far beyond your intellectual self-protection, you know it, and you feel it. Let the idea of it flow and over-ride your inner fear. Love is unstoppable and it is more powerful than your fear. Let go of your sense of control and let it flow.

2. Stop believing a relationship will change an unhappy life or a sense of loneliness. A relationship isn't a tool to fix your finances, social life, dog or child care. It comes with its own rewards and challenges. Get happy and get your life in order first, and you're more likely to attract someone who has done the same. If you don't you'll attract people in the same position as you, and then wonder why it never works out.

3. High expectations and rules. If you have a list of requirements of the kind of person you want to be with, even a secret list in your head, write the list down and then ask yourself 'am I all of those things?' The likelihood is you're not. The things I fall in love with are never the things that look good on paper. If I am with Mr Peak with his washboard abs, then I worry about being Mrs Muffintop. You're looking for love, you're not shopping for detergent, no relationship is whiter than white.

Practical

1. When you're out and about, how observant are you? Do you smile, create eye contact, look around the room? DO IT! Looking open to conversation makes conversation happen.

2. Try and be in the same places repeatedly. It makes it easier to get to know people. Attraction doesn't always come with looks, sometimes it comes with getting to know someone so the light in their eyes starts to shine. The more you can go to the same place, the more you meet the same people. Join a group, have a 'local' pub or a join a private members club. Repetition is key to building a flirtation over time.

3. Be romantic and take a risk. A client of mine bought two tickets to see her favourite band. She then put an advert on-line saying 'Free ticket to see said band if you fit the following criteria'. She then listed what she wanted in a man. She had over 30 applicants. She could only pick one, so she picked one and invited the other ones she liked to meet her for coffee. It wasn't the one she took to see the band that became her partner, but one who met her for coffee. It's easy to say 'I never meet anyone', but you have to face it, that is down to you.

Gandi had a great saying 'Be the change you want to see in the world'. I'd like to flip that about a bit to read 'Be the partner you want to love; to yourself and to everyone you meet'. The more love you bring to the world, the more love you find.

If you like this blog you can have a free e-book called 'Insights on Love'. Head to my website www.beckywalsh.com and join the mailing list.