Michelle Obama is convinced that her husband Barack—you know, the President of the United States—is squirreling George Clooney away in nooks and crannies of the White House whenever he comes to visit. The President has been kicking it with Clooney ("a wonderful guy") since they worked together on Darfur and Sudan relief. Their friendship is low-key, and Obama appreciates that Clooney is "very protective about not bothering me. He's sensitive to the fact that, you know, that if he's around a lot, then somehow it'll be tagged as 'Obama hanging out with Hollywood stars.'"

"And he's cute, too!" adds FLOTUS.

"Michelle is always frustrated because a lot of the events that George has been involved in, for some reason, she has something else going on," says Obama, conceding that White House staffers find a reason to circle around like turkey vultures when the Cloon is in the building. "They've got memos they need to make sure I see right away." [Entertainment Tonight]

Hollywood director Tony Scott (younger brother of Ridley), who helmed Top Gun, Beverly Hills Cop II and many other films, committed suicide yesterday. The 68-year-old jumped from the Vincent Thomas Bridge in San Pedro, California around noon, "without hesitation," a bystander told police. A suicide note was found in his office, but its contents were not revealed. [LA Times]

Katie Coo on wishing she'd popped out a few more: "I love being around my kids. I'm not a particularly solitary person. I like a big, chaotic household — noise, commotion, laughter! Sometimes I think I should have had six kids. Or I wish I'd had one [more] at 37, but I was busy. My career. I think emotionally and psychologically, it's weird to feel like, 'Gosh, my childbearing years are over." Later, she confesses to "total child lust when I see little kids." Awkwardly phrased, Katie, but otay! [Us Weekly]

Oh! Rufus Wainwright is marrying his German theater producer boyfriend Jorn Weisbrodt this week in Montauk. They'll be eating lobster rolls and champagne and partying until 4 AM. Carrie Fisher is in the wedding and Yoko Ono is one of the guests. Now let's all go listen to "Dinner at Eight" and cry, shall we? [Page Six]

Not to be outdone in the myriad nuptial wars going on this summer, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake miiiiiight have gotten Secret Hitched in Jackson Hole, Wyoming on Saturday. Let's examine the evidence: One, a "source" via Hollywood gossip maven Janet Charleton ("They are in the middle of their ceremony at a very fancy private estate and members of the wedding party are staying at the Four Seasons Hotel there") and two, the following Tweet from celebrity wedding cake designer Sylvia Weinstock:

My favorite kind of investigation is A CAKE INVESTIGATON. No, but actually we'll let you know if they got married in this unfortunately-named American province. Lance Bass, feel free to come forward with information. [Janet Charleton's Hollywood, Daily Mail]

Chad Ochocinco Johnson's being sued to the tune of $130,000 by a dude who worked on his home. [TMZ]

"I could not stand being the inflatable sex doll everyone wanted me to be. I was naive, sexually, when I made that film and it felt paralysing to be thrust in to this overtly sexual image which had nothing to do with who I was." —Uma Thurman on starring in 1988's Dangerous Liaisons at 18 years old. [Monsters and Critics]

This would be Willow Smith's fantastic little-kid letter to Tupac. [The Life Files]