10 Reasons Why Bloggers Shouldn't Badmouth Each Other

I have always believed that how you behave online should essentially be the same as how you would behave in ‘real life’. Simply because we have a keyboard and a screen does no mean that whoever you’re interacting with is unreal, simply because you can’t see or touch them. And it’s certainly true that poisonous e-mails and text messages can be as emotionally devastating as spoken remarks. In fact cyberbullying sadly has become common among today’s teenagers, and is a criminal offence in the UK.

So I am grieved on those occasions when bloggers make very public, offensive and hurtful remarks about each other. I’m not going to go into the blog politics of who said what to whom, but people who have been at the receiving end of such unpleasantness are almost always emotionally affected ‒ hurt, upset, distressed ‒ call it what you will.

So I decided to articulate those reasons:

1. It’s Hurtful

I just fail to see why we should deliberately set about making each other unhappy on this friendly site. Blogland brings about such great friendships and through them a lot of emotional support. It should be a pleasant experience being here, and we all play a part in that.

2. It’s Ugly

I can think of nothing more unattractive than a hurtful or spiteful person. Someone who bullies or gets some pleasure out of doing someone else down in a very public arena holds no appeal to me ...... or practically anyone else for that matter.

3. It’s Arrogant

I think of Blogland as being a great big party to which we all bring a bottle of wine. Some of us will bring a sweet German wine like a riesling, others an ice cold Italian wine, maybe to mix with soda water and make a spritzer, others champagne, others a rich red wine ‒ an Australian cabernet-shiraz perhaps. Not all the wine is to everyone’s taste, but we can pass it by. To make a public display of someone else’s choice as being crap because it’s not your own is crass. Who are any of us to really pass judgement, when all is said and done.

If you don’t like the person’s blog, pass it by. You might want to disagree, but don’t rubbish the blogger on a personal level.

4. It’s Inconsiderate

A lot of bloggers ‒ maybe most of us - already have things in our own lives that we're wrestling with and working out. That is life. We’re simply are not here for more crap. We’re here to have fun. Don’t spoil the party. It’s thoughtless. It’s not nice.

5. It’s Divisive

Why should we even think about causing rifts between bloggers or groups of friends? Beats me.

6. It’s Immature

A bit too much like junior high, when this sort of thing happens. Enough said.

7. It Denigrates Blogging

By giving visitors and would-be bloggers a view of how petty Blogland can be. It isn’t. There are wonderful writers here. Real talent in all sorts of ways. It truly is an Aladdin’s cave. I have known backbiting to drive one or two people away, which is a real pity, as they had wonderful blogs.

8. It Lowers The Quality

I have no great pretensions about literary quality, but there is some a lot of good material in Blogland, some of it excellent. Boring and trivial petty backbiting runs against that grain. I guess the analogy that comes to mind that a good restaurant is more than just the food on the plate, but about how the customers behave. Which brings me to….

9. It Stops Blogland From Growing

I do believe that Blogland is a cyberculture. I won’t go into cultures and their socioanthropology, but essentially cultures are created by how we all behave towards each other and the rules and understandings we have in making that so. We are in a number of ways a big “happy” (for the most part) family. Let’s all do our bit that it doesn’t become a dysfunctional one.

And finally…..

10. It’s Bad Karma

Whether you hold to karma or not, we are to others’ eyes understood by the things we say and do, the consequences of which are far-reaching.

Well that’s a personal view. I don’t like badmouthing and backbiting, and guess that you may have a different view. In fairness I cannot remember being the badmouthed or backbitten (unless I never read that post, lol) but every now and again I come across a friend, a fellow blogger who has been. I register the hurt and always wonder why people are capable of doing this to each other.

And then I remind myself that this is as mixed a community as any out there in the “real world”, so I ought to expect a range of behaviours.

But it still doesn’t stop me from being saddened by them.

After all, in the big group hug it's nice to know no one is jabbing anyone else between the ribs.

Everyone is so loving, caring and gratefull, but at the party afterwards, the nails are out, and the bitchiness and backbiting starts.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/24/2006 3:43 am:Thank you for visiting and your comment, which has a grain of truth in it. I don't think it is that those with the most popular blogs are always somehow creating that situation, although it does happen, and there are some dear and delightful bloggers, such as MzHuny above who are very popular too.

I do think, however, that a ratings list does create a consequence and has what's known in statistical circles as a "perverse effect" on the blogs, in much the same way that league tables in British schools have resulted in all teaching focused on passing exams and little more, and I worry a little about that. If you like, the rating system is a major contributor to how at least some people behave.

Of course none of us have to be popular, and some of us are together enough not to need to be popular, but many bloggers are vulnerable - either lonely or in tricky relationships - so there will be a strong desire for approval and self-esteem.

Interesting thing, human behaviour, or as they used to say up in Yorkshire, "There's nowt as queer as folk!"

This time round on AdultFriendFinder I have "met" some top quality people via the blogs. It's a great way of getting to know someone and what extra depth they have to their lives and their thoughts and surroundings. Slagging someone off and bitching about someone else is meanspirited and a total turn off.

Sure, I post the messages from the stupid and clearly insane, but it's mor eout of fun than anything else, unless I get messages like the e mail from onehornytiger in which case he gets what he deserves.

This really is a place to register your innermost thoughts and feelings and the support and dare I say it, "love" that I have felt from the people that post, has been incredibly uplifting at times. It is, for the most part, a great place to hang out so let's keep it that way !

Mistress InnuendoTaking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/23/2006 3:32 am:Funnily enough I think guys who pester women with repeated unwanted e-mails fall into a different category, and maybe exposure is one way of stopping the nuisance. My concern is unpleasantness through posts in particular that relate to other bloggers within the framework of the open forum that is Blogland.

I call the kind of blogging we do here "forum blogging", rather than "stand alone blogging" you might get on an open access webpage. There are all sorts of benefits to forum blogging, like access to circles of friends, a guaranteed audience, and a freedom to be sexually explicit. But forum blogging does open itself to other things like petty politics and an opportunity for someone to knock someone else down very publicly.

But in balance Blogland remains a great place to spend time, write stuff and meet people, some of whom can become very special.

Can't we just all get along... I whole heartly agree with you...I abhor hatefulness and meanness...it sickens me...but unfortunately you can't change people who are angry and hurtful, jealous and spiteful...these people come from their own hell...and I don't believe there is anything anyone can do about it except to continue to band together with the positive people to form a circle against the 'enemies' of the camp of friendship...I. for one, am grateful that there are people like you on this site...I consider you a friendly soul...

kind thoughts,Moonfire

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/23/2006 3:19 am:You are so right moonfire to remind about those who project mean and unpleasant behaviour as having their own hell. I do so think that the Buddhist idea of the world holding a mirror up to who you are is so true, and by the same token we see the projected image of these people's inner selves in the things they say and do. I still think Blogland is a wonderful place where there is so much to be given and gained through some remarkable people we have the privilege of meeting. I consider you to be a warmhearted, kind and friendly soul too ....... {=}

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/23/2006 2:58 am:Just like kids at play. It only takes one or two obnoxious individuals in the room full of little coloured balls to turn kiddy paradise into kiddy hell for your lil one.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/23/2006 2:09 am:Thank you phoenix. I rarely make such statements, being much more inclined to write poems and saucy prose. I mean I do the latter because it's fun and I have a lot of fun reading so much that fellow bloggers write. But this struck a nerve I think, and without saying names (because I'm not into finger pointing and all that stuff) I just felt I had to air my view.

This really is a very interesting post. This has been on my mind a lot over the last few months ~ starting from when that 'big' thing kind of exploded over the blogs, and it seems that since then, things have continued on at this level....I think this place has had a shift as of late.

warmandsexy52 replies on 7/22/2006 6:20 pm:I have noticed that when in large groups certain types of behaviour come and go. I'm hoping we've reached the end of a cycle, and wishing it won't return.

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