I’m Feeling Nostalgic

Certain events have made me think about my past, how friendships have built and how some have faded.

I have a handful of college buddies that I still keep in touch with. The majority of them now know that I’m gay because of a drunken conversation that has gone awry (I wasn’t even there). Many of those who were have handled the news pretty well. Of course some forgot to send Christmas cards, while others have curiously called to ask when it was that I “found out that I was gay”. One girl (who I only talked to at parties or when I bumped into her on campus) had the audacity to ask why I didn’t tell her because we were “oh so good friends”. I hadn’t heard from her after I had graduated until the moment she heard I was gay.

I’ve spent many nights wondering if these same people would have been my friends had they known back then. Are some of them staying around because they feel obligated to or because they would feel awkward bowing out now? All I know is that a few of them still speak to me in the same manner, still call me just to say hello and ask only pertinent questions about how my life is going. These are the same friends I remember having from the first time we met so many years ago.

Although I do it all the time, does it really change anything if you knew the answer to your what ifs? Would they have been your friends if they knew about your sexuality then? It’s possible that they wouldn’t. People grow and mature. Don’t try to give your friends credit if they would have been friends with you in an imaginary past. Give them credit for being friends as they know you now.

I have to agree with David, even we (you & I) acted poorly towards others in the gay community back then, it is not fair to hold our friends up to a higher standard than we held for ourselves at that time. People do grow and someone who may have rejected us back then out of ignorance, could now be a close friend. Of course you will feel hurt by the people who walk away now, but use that time and energy on the ones who stayed, they are worth getting to know better.

I have similar wonders about who my friends would have been had I been out when I was younger. As I slowly reconnect to some of my lost high school and college friends, and as I come out to them now, I feel a sense of hope that my friends would have accepted me then, because without exception so far, they’ve accepted me now.

I think they still would have been friends with you had they known. I doubt they stay around because they feel obligated, they just genuinely care and love you. One of the beauty of friendship ya know, giving love freely because you want to not because you have to. Unlike family 😛