Over the Line: Debauchery at its finest

Marlene Harris and her teammate on the Dirtier the Better team, Jayne Jackson are dressed in flag costumes as they wait for thier turn to play in the Over-The-Line Tournament at Fiesta Island Saturday. photo by Bill Wechter

Marlene Harris and her teammate on the Dirtier the Better team, Jayne Jackson are dressed in flag costumes as they wait for thier turn to play in the Over-The-Line Tournament at Fiesta Island Saturday. photo by Bill Wechter

I imagine this is a bit like trying to serve hamburgers without a grill. I mean, I suppose I could pluck some from the frozen-food aisle and toss them in the microwave – but you’re not getting a genuine burger experience that way.

So because this is a newspaper, and not Esquire or Playboy or the opening act for an Andrew Dice Clay show, my account of Saturday’s Over the Line tournament on Fiesta Island comes with some limitations. Basically, it’s the microwave version. But that doesn’t mean it’s without flavor.

Before this weekend, I had never been to the OTL tourney. I had never experienced the event whose initials could just as easily stand for over the (legal) limit.

The sport responsible for the annual competition is a heavily-modified version of beach softball in which three defenders take the field. But by the end of the day, it looks like a full team out there – mainly because everyone is seeing triple.

“This is great,” said Heather Janke, soaking in her first OTL. “There’s beer, there’s sunshine, and everybody’s complimenting my breasts.”

After including that quote, I’m fully aware that this could be my last column here, but it was essential in capturing the vibe. Two hours of Howard Stern is probably the best way to transition onto Fiesta Island this weekend.

Related

But the dirtiest mouth out there doesn’t belong to any beer-guzzling 20-something. The dirtiest mouth out there is attached to a 71-year-old named Bill Irwin who’s as sober as a boy scout.

Irwin, you see, is the OTL public address announcer, whose primary responsibility is to inform teams where they are playing. And because of the names of the teams entered in this event, he makes Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” seem G-rated.

Sure, there are some squads like “Menace to Sobriety” and “Dirty Tequila” that don’t feel compelled to dig into the cruder crevices of the English language, but most just put their own spin on some of the less-publicized parts of the human body. And there’s Irwin, rattling off some of the most revolting phrases imaginable without a hint of emotion.

It’s pretty hilarious.

“It’s just like business to me,” said Irwin, whose 75-year-old wife worked in the legal field and once played on a team called “Barely legal.” “We just want to get through all this as efficiently as possible.”