Celebrity Smackdown: Celebs who cannot keep it in their pants

The history of this blog is short. We began in January of 2009. We write about relationships. Once a week, we give a celebrity a sound and snarky beating. We have been lax on the last one. However, with the topic this week being infidelity, we think we can safely tread these waters again without jeopardizing any karma points. Come on, this is like blowing up fish in a barrel. In other words, where’s the challenge?
Lee says: I have tried to keep my opinions to myself regarding the rash of celebs being outed as cheaters. I have mentioned Tiger only in that the guy needed help. What I am noticing is this almost liaise faire attitude regarding infidelity in the non-celeb world. Its like, ‘Come on, everybody does it. There’s nothing new about that.’ It is true that the statistics on infidelity, around 50% for both men and women, are staggering but this doesn’t mean it’s acceptable. It’s like the common cold. Everybody gets it but how many billions have we spent trying to get rid of it?
It is this same attitude, this permissive turning a blind eye, that has created the issues of today. Celebs are not the only ones who do it. In some cultures, its common place. It seems the bigger act of disrespect is not being discreet. ‘Go ahead and fuck a ho but don’t let me find out about it!’ How about NO?! How about we commit and become people of our words.
I understand the world of sex addiction. As a therapist and a person who has confused love for sex before, I understand the need for release and how that relieves a certain need to be needed or feel better about oneself. This is the animal that is sex addiction. However, by the same token, an addiction is not necessarily more powerful than conviction to a commitment- unless you want it to be.
So here is the smacking.
Letterman – for God’s sake, could you be less fuckable? I understand that you have always had issues with commitment and only recently married your long time girl friend only to cheat on her. Perhaps this is why you were reluctant to put a ring on it. But quite frankly, your notoriety and money are the only reason you got any play. And with a work person, no less?!? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tiger – You are not a bad looking man but you are a married man with children. Also, add to that that your whole persona has been based on the idea that you are the role model. You built your brand around being the good boy, good son, good golfer and later good husband and father. Because you could not keep it in your pants, all of those ideals are gone. You are now the asshole golfer who thinks he’s a rock star. The average golfing fan is not the rock star demographic who would accept this behavior with ‘He was rockin. Shit happens.’ You’re a golfer and you should be as boring as your game.
Jesse – I guess I feel this one the most. You cheated on America’s Fucking Sweetheart asshole! Everybody loves your wife and forever more you are a dick. You cheated on your wife who is considered affable, intelligent, funny and beautiful with skanky, stripping hos. I have a few tattoos Jesse and I have no disparaging remarks on tattoos but facial tattoos? Seriously? Were you trying to distract people from your insipidness, you nasty whore?
So you see I have no real opinions on these guys. I could add Larry King but since I am sure he really died long ago and what we are seeing is a zombie, I have chosen to refrain from smacking zombie cheaters and believe any woman who could fuck him is probably a necrophiliac.

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2 comments

This actually for me is the real essence of the differences in both cheating, and in who I dilike more for it.
Being who I am, cheating is easier for me to understand than being indiscreet.
Cheating is the giving in to animal stupidity, forgetting that if one can become a vegetarian, one can become monagamous… so to speak. Or call it addiction, or “My spouse doesn’t understand” or post partum whatever. It is destructive and disloyal, but it happens.
Being indiscreet is worse (IMHO) because it also says that one cares so little for their SigOther, that humiliating them PUBLICALLY has become a part of one’s ‘fun’. It is more of an emotional and personal attack, being about how people see THEM, not how they will judge you. It attempts to shift the responsibility to one’s partner for being so unworthy of your loyalty, it makes others see one’s partner as deserving of your disloyalty. That is worse than disloyal, it is assault.

I think that a lot of people like to look at celebs as: the best that society has to offer, and when they cheat it does a couple of things.
It makes some people lose faith in the sanctity of marriage. And because they, for whatever reason, hold celebs to the highest standards, it’s a crushing blow and they imagine it’ll happen to them.
It makes some people feel superior…like they’ve got camaraderie with the important people. Gah.

Then again, I really don’t know anything outside of my own hula hoop. Except for what’s going on in my husbands hula hoop….THAT, I do know.