Mars Takes Shit In NYC Man’s Toilet

At dawn’s crack yesterday, Harry Chartoff of Manhattan’s the Upper West Side, headed to his bathroom to relieve himself urinarily. Phone in hand, with flashlight function kindled, he was startled to see the planet Mars hovering above his toilet apparently relieving itself of solid matter with period blasts of a gaseous material. The smell was “real bad but I couldn’t stop staring,” said Chartoff, at the sight of the planetary “what I think was a number two.” Thinking quickly, he snapped a photo of the event (below). When reached for comment, Mars said, “I love the West Side, but that halal truck food just goes right through me and I couldn’t make it back in time.” Officials from NASA refused to comment.