Back of the Ferry: Bladdamasta and his band of bloggers weigh in from Sydney with their take on the Australian beer scene. As most of my readers are American, most of us will never try the beers they write about, short of taking a trip to Australia for a week or three of drunken wanderings, but don’t let that stop all of you from checking out the blog on a regular basis. You learn all sorts of stuff about cricket and rugby and arcane bits of Aussie culture, and the photos of the beer, usually taken from the back end of a commuter ferry with the Sydney Opera House in the background, or taken on some impossibly beautiful beach, make for the best beerporn on the internet. Lately these Australian Merry Pranksters have gained some access to some of the better American brews, and their take on our beer makes for fascinating reading.

Beer Samizdat: Speaking of Merry Pranksters, Jay in San Francisco has established a little fiefdom in a corner of the web, at various times blogging about music, books, politics, movies, sports and beer. I first encountered him on his Agony Shorthand blog, which as I recall was all music, all the time. He stopped updating that blog and has since then opened and closed blogs dealing with music, politics, books, beer, sports, etc. I think there was even a short lived movie blog in there at one point. The one topic that he regularly returns to is beer, and Beer Samizdat is his latest beercentric blog (he also currently has a general interest blog (The Hedonist Jive) and a music tumblr (Dynamite Hemorrhage)). Being in Northern California, Jay has ready access to some of the best breweries in the country, and he has also developed a nationwide trading network, which nets him tasty treats from all points on the map. He is an impeccably honest reviewer, one of the few to say that when it comes to Pliny The Elder, the emperor has no clothes. I don’t necessarily agree with that assessment, but I like that he is willing to call ’em as he sees ’em.

You Stay Hoppy Austin: More than just a blog, You Stay Hoppy Austin is one man’s attempt to be a central clearing house for all Austin beer news. Not being in Austin, I am not in a position to judge how well that goal is filled, but as a supporter of the ever growing Texas craft beer scene, it is a must read for me.

The Vice Blog: The proprietor of the Vice Blog, Aaron, is focused on writing novels, so he does not update this blog as often as he used to, but this blog is still one of the funniest reads you will find, and is well worth poking around in for a few hours. I am ever mindful of Aaron’s admonition that Most Beer Blogs Suck and do my best to keep Tilting Suds above the Mendoza Line of Beer Blog Suckitude.

It’s a Fucking Beer: Pithy reviews of beer, which get more entertaining the less he likes the beer. The blog name says it all.

Santa Fe Brewing Co. Happy Camper IPA: Creamier than the usual IPA, Santa Fe Brewing Co.‘s Happy Camper IPA is malty and piney, with a nice cloudy orange color and fluffy white head. Probably not worth seeking out if it is not readily available to you, as it is nothing spectacular, but it is a decent beer, 6/10.

Maui Brewing Big Swell IPA: This has a crisper mouthfeel than the Happy Camper IPA, which I attribute to the higher carbonation level, and is not nearly as malty. The hops are on the tropical fruit and grapefruit end of the spectrum, with a hint of lemon as well. Another IPA that is good and drinkable, but is well short of spectacular, 6/10.

Thirsty Planet Buckethead IPA: I tried this at the Katy Road Icehouse (“KRI“) in Dallas. Pluses for KRI: It is located on a popular bike path that I ride on occasion; It is an open space with a huge outdoor seating area, and has those giant misting fans to combat the Texas heat; It has an enormous selection of Texas beers; And it is usually packed with tons of attractive women. Read the rest of this entry »

I have undertaken a detailed sociological study of profiles posted by women on internet dating websites for a project* I am working on. I present to all of you, free of charge, the following advice: Read the rest of this entry »

I am more of a brunette guy. Both of my exes had dark hair, and most of the women

The Blonde Bombshell of all Blonde Bombshells

I have dated had dark hair also. That may just be my personal preference, or it might be that Blonde Bombshells are just way out of my league. Maybe I should start dating blondes, that might change my luck.

I am sure there is some primal explanation as to why men are attracted to blondes, some evolutionary reason explaining why blondes are more attractive to drunk guys at closing time. As a simple beer blogger, such explanations are beyond my rudimentary thinking. I cannot explain why, I just know it is so.

Not all Blondes are Bombshells. The stereotypical ‘ditzy blonde’ is never a Bombshell. To be a Bombshell requires more than just a blonde hair and a nice figure. Bombshells are intelligent, often highly so, and their emotional intelligence is fine tuned. Most of the ‘Baywatch’ blondes are not Bombshells. They almost all have that vacuous look in their eyes that makes the prettiest girl unattractive. Read the rest of this entry »

The version of The Harder They Come that Jimmy Cliff sang in the movie is not the same version that was used on the soundtrack.* The lyrics are slightly different, and the performance is remarkable. Listen to that silky smooth guitar line snaking through the song, and Jimmy’s most soulful vocal performance. I love the version on the soundtrack, but the movie version is better.

The Euphoria Pale Ale by Ska Brewing is silky smooth and easy drinking, with just a mild grapefruit bite from the hops, perfectly balanced by the toasted caramel malts. Only 6.1% ABV, so you can drink a bunch of these at a sitting. The folks from Ska Brewing not only have good taste in music, they make some damn fine beer also. I am giving the Euphoria Pale Ale a 7.5/10, and am on the lookout for other offerings from Ska Brewing.

* The Harder They Come is the greatest soundtrack album of all time, and if any of you are thinking of making an argument that The Big Chill, or, god help us, Footloose is better, please leave my blog and don’t ever come back. However, to show how magnanimous I am, I will listen to arguments made in favor of Valley Girl.

Continuing in my journey through the generally excellent (and at least to me, surprisingly so) beers of Texas, we come to Southern Star Pine Belt Pale Ale. This might as well be marketed specifically to me as it is (1) a hoppy, piney, sticky-icky IPA and (2) it comes in a can, which as loyal readers know I have become a passionate champion for after my initial fuckwittery concerning canned beers. It pours a deep and cloudy orange, with some massive hops aroma and a foamy head with great retention. At 6.5 % ABV, this is one beer to have when you are having more than one, as long as someone else is driving. This is a fantastic beer, 9/10, is in the starting rotation, and is damn close to being the ace of the staff.

It is the week before Thanksgiving, and there is a house in the neighborhood already festooned with Christmas lights, and they already have their tree up and decorated, which means it is fake. Fake trees are like fake boobs, wholly unnecessary, not fooling anybody, and quite frankly, an affront to Nature and Nature’s God.

Away from the implants and back to the Christmas decorations: When my master plan is finally implemented, and I am the Somewhat Benevolent Dictator of North America (with a Mild Nasty Streak)*, it shall be decreed that Christmas Decorations may not be displayed until the day after Thanksgiving, and must be taken down and packed away by Twelfth Night AKA the Feast of the Epiphany. Waivers may be applied for, but will be rarely granted barring unusual and/or exigent circumstances.

The same restrictions will apply to the playing of Christmas Music.

On the other hand, Christmas Beers may be released as early as All Soul’s Day.

Glenda the Good Witch

I recently took my nieces to see a middle school production of The Wizard of Oz. It was great, especially considering the actors were no more than twelve years old. The actors portraying the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow were especially good.

I have not seen the movie version in a good thirty years, so I was seeing this with fresh eyes. Glenda the Good Witch is not good at all. She is a Machiavellian beast who manipulates Dorothy to get total control of Oz. Let’s review the facts. Dorothy accidentally kills the Wicked Witch of the East when her house falls on the Witch. The Wicked Witch of the West wants the ruby slippers, but they end up on Dorothy’s feet. All Dorothy wants is to get home to Kansas, and with the slippers, she can do so immediately. Glenda does not tell her this. Rather, Glenda sends Dorothy on a fool’s errand to see the Wizard. The end result is that Dorothy kills the Wicked Witch of the West, and the Wizard returns to Missouri in his hot air balloon. With her competition out of the way, Glenda tells Dorothy that all she has to do his click her heels together a few times, and the magic ruby slippers will bring her back home. Glenda is now the undisputed ruler of Oz, and holds absolute power. The Flying Monkeys are fucked, and God help those poor Munchkins.

Beer

New Belgium’s Hoptober Golden Ale is the best beer New Belgium makes. Light golden in color with a thin white head, this beer is nicely balanced with some orange peel hops and bready malts. They may use hefeweizen yeast in this, because I picked up some banana and clove as well. It is light enough in both flavor and alcohol (6% ABV) so that you can knock back a few without being knocked out yourself. I’d buy this year round, but it is only a seasonal brew. Well worth grabbing if you see any on the shelves, 7/10.

*I am a few simple steps away from Phase One of this plan. Believe me when I say that lists are being kept, and you do not want to be on the wrong side of the ledger when the Final Phase begins. Those of you who are in danger know who you are. Forewarned is forearmed.