Directions:Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Get a
large bowl. Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest
quality. Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric
mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp sugar
and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Cry another
tup. Turn off the mixerer. Break two legs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the dup of cried fruit. Mix on the turnerer. If the fried
druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of
salt. Or something. Who cares. Check the whiskey. Now sift the lemon
juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin
to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl
out the window. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who in the world
likes druitcake anyway......