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It was causing her acute distress due to the muscle being worn away with cartilage rubbing against cartilage and having tried every other remedy available on the NHS including very painful steroid injections – this was advised as the only chance of rectifying the problem and healing her pain.Despite my concerns about her having this operation, as I thought there were grave risks, the day following surgery she looked fantastic to be honest.She used to say now she had spent time with her grandchild she could die happy (whenever that time came).Had the shoulder operation been a success she was to have the left shoulder replaced in time (as that had also gone faulty).I think she may have been aiming to become the world’s first ‘bionic’ granny having already had her knees swapped for titanium a couple of years back and risk becoming attached to our super stainless steel Liebherr fridge freezer, bringing whole new meaning to a fridge magnet.She was also an avid recycler – often scolding me for not following her strict recycling regime and she made fantastic sandwiches; she loved flowers, knew all their names and her garden was her pride and joy, but as she succumbed to the growing pains of old age she was unable to tend to her garden except for the most basic of tasks.She stood by me when I got into some difficult situations.Sadly, as the years wore on, as is natural I suppose, she became more and more frail and her mobility, which once upon a time saw her up and down Neasden on a daily basis with her shopping trolley in tow - became just a memory.

On other mornings we would hug and kiss and just show our love and appreciation for each other.I believe the tears were her knowing she was about to die - it was my mum’s time.I constantly replay those harrowing events in my head and wondering if there was anything I could have done to save my mum – to change the outcome of destiny, but my Angels had previously told me that when my mum was to go it would be sudden and there would be nothing anyone could do (see "I Believe in Angels") and personally I had thoughts, as to whether she would come back home this time.She was a warrior – someone who endured great hardship and worked very hard to provide for her 3 children; a life force so kind and unconditionally loving, but also a fighter and a brave soul.People were drawn to my mum and, as I spend the first Xmas without her, I will always take solace that Hannah was a very special soul and is missed and loved by so many people; but to be honest it doesn’t feel like Xmas anymore.Apart from the sling keeping her artificial shoulder in place and the fact her residence was now a hospital – you wouldn’t have been able to tell she had just undergone 4 hours of surgery.She looked very well in her face and content and very pleased to have survived the procedure.I questioned the nurse, but she wasn’t overly concerned.Tragically, Mum was to effectively die that evening in the hospital and I and my younger sister, Camilla Sarayiah, were there with her when she breathed her last natural breath.When I was a kid my mum seemed to know everyone she encountered on her 200m walk to Iceland (previously known as Bejam) and 30 years later, she still seemed to know everyone.At times – well all the time to be honest - it was frustrating, as I selfishly just wanted to get from point A to point B with as little fuss as possible, but she always had time to speak to people and people loved to chat with my mum and emanate love and affection for her.

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