The Problem with Rape

I do not condone sexual assault ever! Under no circumstances should someone force another person to sleep with them. However, after witnessing a close friend’s nephew have his college dreams of playing football severely tainted because a young lady falsely accused him of raping her I’m not quick to jump on the “He Raped Me” bandwagon. So when dozens of women started accusing mega star and comedian Bill Cosby of using drugs to sexually assault them I held my tongue, sat back on my heels, and waited. Yes, I know where there is smoke there is fire but I also know the man is worth millions and some of those women could have been looking for a big pay day. It seems a match has been lit and now millions see the flame. Yesterday, a statement Cosby gave during a 2005 civil trial filed by one of the alleged victims was released and Cosby admitted, in his own words, that he purchased a drug and illegal substance called Quaaludes with the intent of giving it to women he wanted to have sex with. WOW! For those of us who needed something more than a group of women standing there with scowls, tears and accusatory pointing fingers saying, “He raped me,” that was it. No, I’m not naive but like I said, based on my own experiences, I refuse to automatically jump on the side of the alleged victims. Cosby didn’t admit to using the drug on any women but why would you even want to impair a woman’s judgement when it comes to becoming intimate? I would surmise it would be to get her defenses down and insure a sexual encounter took place.

The problem with rape is too often men lose everything they worked for because a woman gets mad or financially greedy and decides she wants to ruin him. It’s her word against his and no one wants to call her a liar because doing so could possibly make her feel like a victim all over again. In the aforementioned case, that young lady got caught sneaking back into the house after giving a star football player head (my friend’s nephew) and told her parents a lie to try and get out of trouble. We never heard from that young lady or her family after charges were filed because she was lying and they knew it. He got put in juvenile, crucified by the media, and almost kicked off the football team. If it hadn’t been for his parents, other family and friends, and one lone school board member, who was bold enough to say she didn’t believe the accuser, who were fighting for him he could have gone to jail and missed the end of his senior year. Yeah, that year where most stellar high school athletes graduate and get picked up by major colleges. Those news outlets running the story every night didn’t give a damn about his future! There is no unbiased reporting in rape cases because the alleged victims usually have their identities protected and don’t have to make any type of statement until the case goes to trial. But what if she’s lying? I’ve seen what a false accusation can do and it ain’t pretty. There are several other cases out there where men ended up in jail for years. Two lives are hanging in the balance and at least one of them will be altered forever. Sometimes both.

I realize that there are plenty of women out there who are truly victims and don’t deserve to be victimized again but there has to be a thorough investigation. Rape is a traumatic experience and true victims didn’t do anything wrong. No means no and if you have been impaired to keep from saying no, that’s still rape.

I have to admit that the Cosby case was different than most. Since the accused was a celebrity, those women who refused to continue to protect their identity came forward and were told by legions of fans to quit lying. I said, “Do you have any evidence other than an old picture of him sitting in his bathrobe?” I’m not sorry for that. If skeptics like myself didn’t exist the Associated Press never would have fought to unearth this recently released evident. Some say the number of accusers is as high as 48 now. I don’t believe all of them. I’m sure some of them want attention or money or both. But now, I do believe some of them. It seems Cosby has spent years and a lot of money trying to make sure that this information never saw the light of day. What you do in the dark will eventually come to light. I hope his victims now feel some sliver of vindication but for just about all of them the statute of limitation has expired for them to pursue any type of legal action. I hope they can now at the very least move on from that traumatic experience.
I still don’t want to believe it, but I have to believe the evidence. I doubt he will ever admit guilt. He wasn’t just America’s favorite dad. He was mine, too. For millions of kids who didn’t have fathers in the home and some of those that did, we wanted Bill Cosby to be our caring, loving, fun father and he was for an hour every Thursday. This doesn’t just affect him, his family and his career, which may very well be over. Yeah, he was working on some new shows that will probably never see the light of day and all his upcoming comedy shows will probably be cancelled but who cares? Consider it punishment. What about the cast of “The Cosby Show” and “A Different World” and any other program he may have produced that have been pulled off the air? The talented thespians who have enthralled us for decades have been living beautifully off those royalty checks. Now, nothing. At least they had a good long run.

I’m sure Mr. Cosby could make a partial comeback in a few years, if he wanted to. At least with the black community. We tend to be very forgiving. You don’t even have to admit to any wrong doing. Especially, if you can entertainment us or preach us into a good shout. Just ask R. Kelly or Bishop Eddie Long. It took us so long to get heroes and legends that we often cling to them despite a sickening vice. However, at his age Grandpa will probably just go home to Camille and live the rest of his days peaceable counting his millions and watching a reel of his career highlights. And what about Camille. She has sat right by his side as the cameras roll smiling and playing the role of the dutiful, loyal and loving wife. I believe she is doing what she feels she needs to do but I wonder how much she smiles behind closed doors. I wonder if she somehow feels betrayed by the man she loves. It’s no secret he’s cheated on her. A publicly revealed failed blackmail ploy by one of his ex-lover’s daughters revealed that years ago.

But what about those women who he assaulted physically, emotionally and mentally? I wonder if they were able to come back.

Once again, I’m going to sit on my heels and watch to see how this plays out. I can’t take away from him the millions of accomplishments and laughs he’s given us. Thank you, Mr. Cosby. However, I can’t ignore what he probably did to those women who just wanted to meet a celebrity. Most of them probably would have slept with him without being drugged. Shame on you, Mr. Cosby. Rape is a serious crime and it should come with serious consequences. They don’t always come in the form of jail time. Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord.
If you’re wondering what happened to my friend’s nephew, he survived. His mother took a plea deal and he had to admit to a lesser charge. The deal got him released from juvenile and back on the football team. He graduated and received a football scholarship to a junior college because no major college wanted to pick him up and incur the negative publicity. Scouts were all over him prior to that. After two years, he ended up at a major university and did quite well at both schools. He never made it to the NFL like he dreamed. Although, he did play overseas and myself, along with his family, friends and coaches, are extremely proud of him. He’s one hell of a player. But I’m sure he wonders if he would have made it to the NFL, the land of fame and fortune, if that girl hadn’t lied. I do, too.

Jae Henderson is an author and the founder of http://www.imagoodwoman.com. Her books Someday, Someday, Too, Forever and a Day and Things Every Good Woman Should Know, Volume 1 can be found on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com and other fine book stores.