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Rubio & Rivera Want You to Own a Piece of Florida History

Posted March 16, 2015

1484 Bent Willow Dr., Tallahassee, FL 32311

FOR SALE

$125,000

Beds: 3 bedrooms

Baths: 2 bathrooms

1,228 sqft

Lot size: 6,534 sqft

Built in 1989

MUST SEE 3/2 ranch-style family home in Southeast Tallahassee. Conveniently located close to downtown for quick access to lobbyists, special interests, and criminal defense attorneys specializing in campaign finance and ethics violations.

AMENITIES:

Industrial paper shredder

Fully equipped laundry room (clothes only — no money)

Thick window blinds to deter curious reporters and ensure interior remains as shady as the occupant

Fully wired and cable ready

All FBI bugs have been removed (the unit was professionally cleaned after the evidence recovery team concluded their sweep)

DON’T WAIT – this house is bound to go quickly! Owners are selling at a $10,000 loss to pay legal bills and campaign expenditures.

IDEAL BUYER will not have a history of negligent payments, foreclosures, running up their employer’s credit card bills, or federal investigations into their finances.

FINANCING: Due to past negative experiences, the Republican Party of Florida will no longer be accepted as a co-signer. Serious inquiries only. $100 application fee can be made out to either the ‘David Rivera Legal Defense Fund’ or to Marco Rubio’s ‘Reclaim America PAC.’ The application fee covers the cost of a credit check, extensive criminal background check, opposition research book, and a portion of the owners' remaining balance on the RPOF American Express card.