Kate French Would Like You to go 11-0.

Or At Least 6-5.

I heard too much about football this week. I read. I listened to the radio. I heard things on the internet. I’ve got the following opinions in my head: Jaworski, Baldinger, Lombardi, Dilfer, Golic, Sal Pal…the list goes on. I am usually not one to oversaturate with outside opinions. I like opinions like I like my weed, homegrown, but something about the games this week had me looking for answers. The result, of course, is that I’ve heard why all 8 teams will win and I emerge on the other side none the wiser. I’m in some dreaded limbo between my gut feeling and analyzing the match-ups. This is a long-winded way of saying, these picks were not easy. Not at all. In fact, let’s start with Big Dub’s so I can change my mind seven or eight more times.

BIG DUB H: Regular Season Record, 44-37-4

Seahawks +10.5: Saints have a ton of injuries and the last time they played I think the Saints were laying 11 and barely covered. Now they go on the road after two consecutive divisional games to face a disrespected home team in the playoffs. I honestly think the Seahawks can pull this thing out. Plus the Breesus is making a ton of mistakes.

Jets +2.5: Pey-Pey loks more like Eli face each week and oddly enough he has just as many excuses. Peyton has lost in the opening round of the playoffs like 6 times or something absurd along those lines. Give him another loss.

Chiefs -3: People think the Ravens defense is great. Too bad they have no cornerbacks to slow down Bowe. I think this ends up being a great game, but the chefs find a way to cover the number late.

Eagles -2.5: I’ve looked up playoff matchups since the NFL/AFL merger in 1970. I’m currently up to 1992 and I have found only one occurrence when a team lost both meetings against a non divisional opponent at home. The trick was turned in 1978 with the Patriots dropping both meetings against the Houston Oilers. Not only am I bored at home while I’m waiting to get put on a sub list for teaching, but I’m trying to grab onto anything.

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Grossy: Regular Season Record, 40-41-4

Ravens (-3) @ Kansas City.

I was set to pick the Chiefs. I really was. This is a classic example of a game looking too easy. The Ravens defense gets too much credit, but do yourself a favor and go look at KC’s wins. They beat no one, and take away the ugly opening day miracle against San Diego and they really beat NO ONE. The Ravens are a legitimate team, they beat some playoff teams, they are still pretty good against the run, and Dwayne “Riddick” Bowe isn’t 100 percent. Sometimes you have to stick with your theories, and my theory is the Chiefs stink.

Saints (-10.5) @ Seattle.

Here’s another instance where I just have to take the better team. Seattle has 7 wins, so I don’t think we have to dig too deep there. You don’t get unlucky and win 7 games in the NFC West. You are atrocious and win seven games by default. The Saints beat them 34-19 earlier in the year, the Seahawks defense is an affront* to the league, I don’t care about the 12th man, or the 13th man, and I don’t care if Pete Carroll does a stirring rendition “Big Shot” on the piano in the locker room before the game. When the ocean pigeons lose, they lose huge. Rinse and repeat.

Colts (-3) vs. New York Jets.

Because, the Jets are an overrated bag of hot air. I don’t love picking the Colts here, but I certainly don’t feel comfortable picking Mark Sanchez on the road. I don’t care what he pulled out of his hind end last year. The Jets defense isn’t going to be able to keep the pace on the plush carpet for 4 quarters. The Colts defense should put everyone in the box, and let Sanchez do his “dirty” work. I kid. But, really, I think Manning has one more week of patchwork before the Colts get absolutely throttled.

Packers (+3) @ Eagles.

Eagles 31, Packers 30. I’ve said it all, I’ve said too much.

*copyright BK–2009.

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KRAFT: Regular Season Record, 45-39-1

I didn’t realize that Nichols’s sister-in-law was so striking…I’m also out to put an asterisk next to Nichol’s ‘W’ for the season, by beating him in the playoff round.

NO -10 over Seattle- If Seattle covers this, the NFL is fixed. You won’t be able to convince me otherwise.

NY Jets +3 over Indy- This is the time of year when people tend to forget about who a team really is, and are blinded by 1 or 2 games before the playoffs. Well, Indy stinks. Yes, if you have Peyton Manning you have a chance, but this version had back-to-back 4 INT games because at the end of the day the Colts have as much talent on offense as the Dolphins.

KC +3 over Baltimore- I was surprised this line wasn’t higher. I feel like everyone in the world is all over the Ravens here, and i will say that Joe Flacco hasn’t established himself yet as a solid playoff QB. Throw in the Chiefs ability to run the ball, their home field, and Baltimore’s vulnerable pass D, I’ll take a flier on KC.

Eagles -2.5 over GB- I haven’t heard one pundit pick the Eagles. Everyone is all over GB. The same GB team that absolutely cannot run the ball since Ryan Grant was hurt? The team that is so one dimensional (and has been the entire season) that they are begging to be blitzed? The same team that dominated Chicago last week in that 10-3 crapfest? For the Birds its simple: GB is going to blitz their corners. Come up with a game plan to get the ball out quick. On D, GB has no running threat whatsoever- Najeh Davenport isn’t walking through that door!!!! Take care of business.

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NICHOLS: Regular Season Record, 46-38-1

There will be no asterisk next to my regular season W. Prepare to be amazed….

NO (-10.5)…They’re playing the Seahawks. Need I say more?

Indy (-3)…I like Kraft’s idea of how this is the time of year when people tend to forget who a team really is, but people also tend to forget what team is hot. We Giants fans know that all that matters is when you play your best ball, hence the ultimate W over the greatest team of the decade. Pey Pey is back to his old self, and playoff time is when he shines. Fat Rex has too much invested in this game and Sanchize is too green to pull it off.

Ravens (-3)…Defense rules the day. Flacco may not be a playoff caliber QB but with a spread like this, and Bowe being the only real KC threat, I’ll take the Ravens D.

GB (+3)…Not 100% on this one, but I have the regular season taken care of, so if I go 3-1 on Saturday I’m okay. I will pick against the Iggles throughout the playoffs. Why? Triple-bypass In The Making Reid is a master at blowing it in the playoffs. Give that man the ’72 Dolphins and the history of the NFL looks a lot different.

I will now go do research on this Kate French, and if she is related to me, keep her away from BK at all costs……

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JCK: Regular Season Record, 44-39-2

Baltimore (-3) at KC – fat charlie is already doing the gator chomp which means Cassell is going to get annihilated.

Could Rex have done any more to lose that game? Call timeout when Peyton has it at 1:50 something, go big on 3rd and 5 the first go round. Sanchez was saved by his receivers – he will die a quick playoff death if he keeps throwing that ball high. I can’t wait for Foxboro.

Not sure what to say about the Seahawks. Should have known better than to take a spread that big in the playoff. I’m an idiot…but I’m not alone.

Still working on finding out who this Kate French chick is and how we’re related.

Stop! Stop! Seattle was 7-9, were blown out 9x this season. Im not sure, but I don’t know if they beat 1 team with a winning record? Anyway, how can you take seattle after all that? The more likely outcome is NO trouncing them, so you can’t beat yourself up.

The colts game was what was expected, super close. Other than the jets waiting until the 2nd half to pound the football, I didn’t see anything that Rex screwed up. Jim Caldwell came through again with another bone headed decision- the Indy TO with 30 seconds left after the jets run? Why allow them to keep their last TO? That gave them the opportunity to take a shot down field. A 30 yd Fg instead of a 50 yd fg to win. Inexplicable. What, you want to give Peyton 10 seconds to work if they make it?