Summary

Todd raises his eyebrows at him. “You gotta admit. We would get into this … situation.”

“What, the situation where we flee from the weekly hired goons into a badly aging knock-off of the Ritz, get shut in an empty room with no escape, and find ourselves compelled to make loud, gratuitous sex noises in order to put the aforementioned lackeys off the scent?”

Summary

In a future world, the a superior group of people, the Elite, try to expand their population. Once every age group turns 21 in the Elite, they are to chose a Common, one of the group of lesser people, to wed. That person is trained to eventually become one of the Elite, thus expanding the population.

Stuart Dakin never cared about the system. He was never going to change his habits of sleeping around with anyone relatively attractive, and he was cure his Chosen would understand that.

Blaine Anderson was ecstatic about the system. He wanted his opportunity to chose someone he could fall in love, and who would love him back. He couldn't look away from a pair of gorgeous blue eyes.

Dirk Gently needed the system. He was going to use it to connect to his childhood friend who cut off all contact at a young age.

What happens when these three storylines combine? What will happen to the system itself?

Summary

Todd Brotzman is desperate for a job after being fired by the Perriman Grand. With his sister's medical bills quickly adding up, the offer of a job from an agency called Blackwing seems like the break he's been waiting for.

Summary

Todd thinks its weird when the CIA get involved in him meeting his soulmate. After one bizarre day, they exchange a few letters, and he gets on with his life, until he finds himself kidnapped and used to persuade Svlad to behave.Svlad is delighted to be allowed to write to his soulmate, but when Todd is dragged unwillingly into the Blackwing base, he starts to realise that this was a trap from the start.

Summary

Having just recently contracted Pararibulitis, Todd Brotzman has been living his life suspended in an unvarying slog of unfulfilling jobs and shallow depression, content to simply keep his head above water and go on surviving...

Which is made somewhat difficult due to the unexpected and incredibly inconvenient infatuation he develops toward one Dirk Gently, the eccentric and colorful florist who has recently begun working just across the street.

(alternatively; a simple coffee shop/flower shop au that carried itself just a bit out of hand).

Summary

Adrien started to pull Todd out of the room by his waist, and Todd lost his cool completely. The walls fell in and the world lost its balance, if Adrien hadn’t been holding him the way that he had, Todd would have collapsed entirely.

“What is your damage?” Adrien huffed. He shoved Todd, watching as he fell the rest of the way to the floor.

“Don't- touch- don't.” No no. Oh no.

“See, and here I thought you understood the rules. I do whatever I want.” Adrien said, crouching down next to Todd and grabbing him by the front of his shirt. This close up, Todd could clearly see the glowing red in Adrien’s eyes.

Summary

"Terrible as it is, it’s easier to cling to the hope that there were good reasons for what they did. That the people who treated him well were at heart good people, and they hadn’t just been lying to him the whole time, that the small amounts of affection he’d been given were real and tangible. Even when he knows the truth somewhere deep inside it doesn’t mean he wants to acknowledge it.

But, like all things, it’s only a matter of time."

***The only thing Dirk Gently has ever learned to do with his trauma, is shove it down as deep as it will go, lock it away, and hope that ignoring it means it isn't really there. For a while at least, it works. But when the past comes knocking looking to make amends, and pretending that none of it was as bad as it seemed isn't an option anymore, the delicate balancing act he's been practicing for years finally tips over the edge.

Healing is painful, recovery isn't linear, sometimes you have to tear everything down before you can start to rebuild.

His own demons might be the scariest thing he's ever had to face, but it's not something he has to do alone, and in the end that makes all the difference.

Summary

When the reality is in danger, a message is spread all over the Universe: The promise of pain that will overcome everyone in the Cosmos. And on the verge of the end of the world, only one man can save us all. His name is Dirk Gently.

A dysfunctional trio, a powerful pack, a missing girl, highly intelligent children, several people disappeared, a backward clock, loads of ketchup and three words:

Summary

“And do you have an idea of one?”

“An… idea?”

“Yes! Of your dream person!”

It’s weird. Todd wants to say no. To make up some bullshit about how he’ll know them when he sees them. But almost immediately, an image of Dirk flickers into his mind, and his stomach does a somersault.

--

In which Todd thinks that he maybe, possibly, is kinda in love with Dirk. Featuring: grapples with self-doubt, struggling to talk about feelings, crazy demons that try to ruin everything, and googling "do I have feelings for my best friend?" as if the internet can help.

Summary

One day, while Farah is on vacation, Dirk and Todd receive a mysterious email that sends them all the way to Tokyo, Japan on a case to find a missing clock. However, Dirk forgets to book them a hotel room, so they end up at one of Japan's infamous love hotels-- and there's only one bed.

Summary

When the kitten-shark makes a mess of Dirk's apartment, he goes to the only person he can for help - Todd. Will living in close quarters bring the two of them even closer or will it split them up for good?

Summary

“Perhaps,” Dirk says in his best ‘yes, I’m bullshitting you, but I’m your boyfriend and you love me still’ voice. “The universe wants it this way.”

“The universe wants you to always forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste,” Todd says, unimpressed, screwing the cap on himself.

-

Or Todd’s adventures in dating Dirk Gently, the mundanities of which unsurprisingly turning out to not be very mundane at all (featuring, among other things: intergalactic wormholes, regular periods of lying down on the floor, and several annoying habits that concern toothpaste and toothbrushes.)

Summary

(because the best love songs are written with a broken heart)

*

Todd slumps against the door once it's closed behind him. Amanda is never going to believe this. Todd hardly believes it. The idea that Dirk Gently was in his house, wearing his clothes, and Todd spent that time wondering about apricots in honey, it seems so stupid.

There's a knock on the door and Todd jumps in fright. It's Dirk, looking a bit sheepish. Todd can hardly believe it. "You came back." He says.

Dirk smiles, for a second. "I forgot one of my bags."

(or the Notting Hill AU where Dirk is a nervous TV star and Todd is an ex/aspiring musician who just spilt coffee all over him)