Why Feb. 15 is the perfect day to go and find that special someone

If you are currently sans lover, February 15 is the perfect day to go out and find that special someone. Why, you may ask? All you have to do is look at the standard United States calendar to see that the expectations are very, very low for the next several months.

Imagine that you starting dating someone in, say, June or July. It’s pretty casual at first, and things are going nice and smooth, but then — BAM! — before you know it, it’s Thanksgiving, and you are deciding whose relatives to spend Thanksgiving with. Then you’re getting grab-assed by your boyfriend’s drunk uncle, or your girlfriend’s mom starts to plan future family vacations.

Alas, you can’t escape this! Because just one short month later, it is Christmas (or Hanukkah). And then you have to figure out what to buy your significant other, because by this point you have been dating too long to not buy them something for Christmas/ Hanukkah, but you’re not sure how much to spend.

Your girlfriend gives you an expensive watch and courtside tickets to a Lakers game, but you give her a necklace from Kay Jewelers. Or your girlfriend gives you a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black, and you get her a pair of expensive shoes. Either way, the gifts are disproportionate, and then it’s awkward and uncomfortable and then he/she will tell all his/her friends about either the really dumb or way too nice gift you got for Christmas/ Hanukkah.

Less than two weeks after the Christmas/ Hanukkah debacle, your girlfriend wants to go to a fancy dinner for New Year’s Eve and then out to a hoppin’ club with all of her friends, but you don’t really like her friends because they are annoying, but you have to do it anyway because by this point you’ve been dating for a long time and you have already met her parents. And all you are thinking is LET’S TURN DOWN THE HEAT ON THIS PRESSURE COOKER.

But you can’t! Because about seven weeks later it’s Valentine’s Day, for crying out loud! It’s the dumbest, “most romantic” holiday of the year, and now you have to get her something else besides a necklace from Kay Jewelers or purchase him something besides a bottle of liquor, and it’s JUST A LOT OF STRESS, OK? Breaking up with someone around Valentine’s Day is pretty mean, so you have to wait at least another few weeks.

This timetable sucks, and it’s expensive because there are many stressful holidays involved.

Thankfully, there is a solution to all of this: Start dating someone on February 15. You are pressure-free until Thanksgiving — save for the random birthday, which can’t really be helped — because you won’t have to DTR (define the relationship) for many many months before any significant holiday. Nobody expects anything around the Fourth of July or Columbus Day — and if they do, run for the hills.