Jimmy Witherspoon became a name in USO shows during WWII. His ’54 flipside to ‘Boogie Woogie Santa Claus’ is “How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around” (aka ‘Christmas Blues’). It’s calming blues, but it still wails about not having enough for the gal who deserves more.

Let’s go to the place people die, the hospital. Why would you go there?! At Christmas time?!

Feist from A Colbert Christmas album, has a lovely folk-version paean about being on hold during prayer, but i read it as being in the er hoping a nurse will finally help. Listen to “Please be Patient” and test that theory.

Larry the Cable Guy is more grisly with his parody “Call a Doctor.” He’s got no friggin’ hand!

New Orleans-man Louie Ludwig might be a bit too late… “Christmas at the Hospital” is slow blues rock… ‘but you’re not there.’ Now what does that mean?

«Whether it’s cold and flu season, airport outbreak, allergies to pine spores, or ‘leisure sickness’ (whereby the letdown of relaxing after the flurry of preparation crashes your immune system)… Christmas is a time of ill feelings.

Course by this time of year, we tend to get sick of it anywho. Many songs will attest as much, plus which indigestion, slip-and-falls, STDs, family shootings, and inappropriately timed diagnoses.

Austin Lounge Lizards have an instructional doom-tune for you: “Credit Card Xmas.” Fun country rock that teaches you like a club to the head.

Morose folk from Rich Cashman. The sorrowfulness of “Credit Card Christmas” makes you want to be under the tree.

Asa and Christy Lennon busted up their car running over deer and with sudden new bills suffer a “Credit Card Christmas” this year. Their country pop makes the best of it. But you know this is a difficult time.

Tony Coleman sings gorgeous blues for his “Credit Card Christmas.” The man is hurting from his lack of financial foresight.

Chelsea Reed seems to be holding on through the whole thing, but her tone is torch song. “Last Year’s Christmas Tree” is a symbol for dried out trash. She claims that’s not her and you, but i find myself getting sobby.

More obfuscation from Judd Grossman, which does make for a pretty alt-grass song: “Christmas Tree” is about the brevity of love and the harshness of its mortality. Dance! Cry! Get over it!

“Christmas Tree” from Tiasa Ray is crooning, crying folk (raga?) about missing him like crazy.

The Temptations set the standard with “My Christmas Tree,” a soulful R+B flier about how she’s gone away and he’s lonely and what he wants for Christmas. The Supremes flip the gender.

Where oh where is she? “Christmas Tree” is here, but she’s not. Is she looking at her tree just like I am mine?! Slow country slop from Dave Jackson.

You’re not there “Upon My Christmas Tree” blubbers Stan with syncopated R+B. A retro 1970s spoken plea narrates the pathos near the end.

Alt soul from Sistiana’s “Christmas Tree” all about what she’s waiting for. Well, there’s Christmas, and you, and i suppose the tree.

Kolya Puga wonders where she is, but jazzes his pop vocals about that “Christmas Tree” as if it’s a trigger for his high flown wretchedness.

They’re so lonely around this time of year! Santa might visit, but he could bring a certain someone… couldn’t he? “Christmas Tree Blues” from Charley Jordan and Verdi Lee make their pain known in authentic 1935 blues. Painful (and maybe a bit naughty).

Take a breath. Bruce Bell-Myers sings about “Gifts (Underneath the Christmas Tree)” as a folk pro forma. But, as his wife is a recent cancer survivor, he only wants you. Harshed the buzz, but won the heart.

Bob Gulley serenades you to put/find love “Under the Christmas Tree.” That’s right, it’s from the 1991 TV movie ‘all i want for Christmas.’ Time flies when you’re listening to chimey pop with children choruses.

Don’t forget the Motown R+B! Curtis Turrentine Jr and Marvin Reed may get gifts for the unfortunate, but–for you, dear–“I’ll be Under the Tree Tonight.” No returns, baby.