Fred Conflicted by Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

I have pretty high standards for kids movies. I want them all to be as awesome as Labyrinth, Toy Story or Spy Kids. I understand that the mediocre ones just serve their purpose. Sometimes parents need a 90 minute break so you crank ‘em out. I can’t quite decide if Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is that, or if it’s actually bad.

Review: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel

Alvin just seems like a d*ck. I remember watching The Chipmunks. I know he was the star ego, but did he actively screw people over? In this movie, you want him to take some Ritalin and just do what he’s told for once. Stop overdoing everything and just do one thing well.

I must be the old stinker. I think that if you’re activities cause property damage, you’re a vandal. It’s not cute to behave irresponsibly if the result is thousands of dollars in repairs. That’s just destruction. The slapstick pratfalls are really obvious so it’s not funny, even without my crusty analysis.

Making the chipmunks talk hip hop doesn’t do anything for me. I guess the kids respond to hizouse. Then they quote Taxi Driver and Silence of the Lambs, for kids who won’t know it and adults who won’t like the rip off.

They’re just not cute. That’s the real problem. You watch them and they’re just talking fur balls, not some endearing creature. Then the Chipettes are just female not cute things. I don’t remember if the first film’s CGI was better. I probably wasn’t paying that much attention then.

They get Dave out of the picture right away with a stage accident. Jason Lee must have shot all his hospital scenes in one day to fulfill his contract. I don’t begrudge him that, or the studio wanting to minimize the expense of paying a leading star sequel money. But is Dave not an integral part of the franchise that they’d pump out sequels without him?

I kind of like how ridiculously destitute the villain is. I mean, most people could bounce back after being thwarted by talking chipmunks. They could just accept defeat and move on to work in the private sector. This guy is just pathetic, and he hasn’t learned a thing so he gets into more trouble.

Wendy Malick is awesome as the gushing Chipmunks fan. She gets it. She goes with it.

At least they humiliate the school bully with intelligence and skill. At least everyone in the school knows the Chipmunks are stars. The one thing I remember about the cartoon is I didn’t believe that they’d have adventures where nobody knew they were international superstar musicians.

It’s got a good message. Being late doesn’t count. You’re either there or you’re not. Don’t be selfish. And beating someone is not the same as winning.

So I guess Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel is just mediocre. I didn’t enjoy watching it and I wouldn’t have except for work, but at least it provides something the kids will watch and doesn’t do any moral damage.