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Monday, December 5, 2016

Terminated

And now I'm going to talk about the phone call I received on Friday the I mentioned in my last post.

Picture it: I'm sitting in plasmapheresis, 2 needles in my arm having my blood pumped out, plasma centrifuged out, and albumin/blood going in (detail added for dramatic effect? of course). And remember how the last 7 days have been? So I'm about 20 minutes to the end of PP, and I get a phone call with an unknown number but from the city of my former employer's corporate headquarters, so I figured it was someone from there, and I was right.

It was from an HR person whom I've never met that told me her name, and I said "Are you the one that I spoke with in September wondering how long a position will be held for me per the company's policy and then never got back to me?". And she said "yes", clearly able to tell she would be on the defensive (my fault, of course, but I just can't help it....like I said, every little affront is taken personally right now). She then proceeded to read an HR statement to me, the gist of it being "you're terminated effective Tuesday, Dec 6".

silence.

talk about a gut punch.

then a simmering rage.

controlled, but a rage no less.

Whoever titled it HR sure didn't think through that name. I made some comment about her realizing that she was talking to a person, not just a personnel number, but that surely fell on deaf ears. The call ended with letting me know that a letter was being overnighted to me and if I had any questions that I could call the phone number on the letter.

That was it. A 4 minute slice of her time to terminate me in the most callous manner I've ever been handled with.

I just can't. I am not OK with this.

But to be clear, my rage isn't about getting terminated. I understand that a job can't be held open indefinitely for people like me...I mean, it isn't economically feasible for any company to do that, and I really get that.

But I worked for them since 2012. I seemed to be liked by peers. I received raises. I had high points. But to be terminated via phone by someone I've never met in a 4-minute phone call effective in 2 days was just so low. And I'm already, emotionally, about as fragile as house made of cards. This hurt me personally. I mean, I'm human, right? I've been struggling with some monumentally life-altering things for a significant period of time now, and the just when I think that I've reached the bottom, someone or someone comes calling or knocking with a goddamn excavator to say "nope, I don't think you're quite low enough yet".

This call was followed-up this morning by ANOTHER person whom I've never met, who started the call by introducing themselves and then saying something to the effect of "I know you know you need to have your phone/computer/car returned by Tuesday (which is tomorrow) and I said something along the lines of "nope", only with a lot more words and inflection :). I explained that I will be at Mayo most days of this week and recovering the others and will not be driving the car back. I asked that my phone be kept on until I get a new number because, literally, life kinda depends on this phone right now, and hopefully they'll respect that request.

That call ended with, literally, "Have a great day!". Are you serious? Did you just say that OUT LOUD??? You do realize that was your outside voice, no?

Here is how I see things. I have a friend who shall remain nameless who left my former company, went to work for a competitor, and was thrown a going-away happy hour. I went on long-term disability, fight daily for life, and ends up getting let go by a complete stranger with 2 days notice.

I wish there was a bright side to this, but there isn't. I wish I could say that I've learned something from this, but the only thing I've learned are that some people are just cruel and unfeeling. This has made me feel powerless and weak, and I hate a lot of things but that's pretty high at the top of my list, so I try to figure out how I can take this experience and work on ways to improve something about it for my future-self.

I'm fortunate in that my health insurance isn't tied to my former employer (oh dear gawd, can you imagine?????), and I have a personal vehicle that's paid for. I'm also INCREDIBLY fortunate for long term disability insurance (and I cannot stress this enough for people who think public assistance is only for people too lazy to get a job)and social security disability income because they are the only things that are allowing me to focus on me. Without them, I'd have so many other concerns that would negatively affect my ability to keep all of my health issues in focus.

I have no idea how I'll ever work again considering what my future looks like. I wanted so much to get back into the engineering field because, honestly, I like having technical challenges to solve, but I don't know of any company hiring part-time engineers. What am I supposed to tell future employers about the gap that will now appear on my resume???? WHAT IN THE HELL DO I SAY TO THAT?
I can't imagine the rest of my life consisting solely of watching Izzy grow up, holding Joacim back from anything fun and going to dialysis 3 days a week and sleeping 3 days to rest. There has to be more.

6 comments:

Ughhh okay I thought I had a crummy week but you win that trophy for sure! That HR lady chaps my hide!! There is more out there to life and even though I dont know you personally just from my own experience I highly doubt your family thinks your holding them back do they wish you felt better yeah sure they probably do but not for selfish reason like your a party pooper but simply because they love you and hate to see you not feeling well.

I only say that because of my own experience I took care of my mom with FSGS years ago and now my husband helps me out because I have ESRD from FSGS and I just had that same conversation with my husband last week about always being sick and that is what he told me.

Im not at all trying to be preachy sometimes life sucks and stays shitty for awhile. I hope you are having a easier week and are able to if anything have some patience and grace for yourself, I just think you have been through a lot and I think you are super strong and amazing I don't know when things will turn around for you but until then enjoy the little victories no matter how small they are.

I'm sorry I missed your comment earlier. Sadly, the weeks since early December has accelerated in crappiness. What was it like caring for your mom and now suffering from the same thing? That's just so unfair on so many levels.I, by my very nature, would not consider myself a hopeful person but very much a realist. It works for me. I'm able to see the good when it happens still, I just don't see a lot of it right now in regards to my health, but there are other things that are still ok. Man, I hope you're getting through this better than I am!

hi i am lupus nephritis. my creatinine about 200-220.well, i have a few of friends who is doing dialysis for many years, more than 10 years and they are coping well with life and working full time. i even knew an uncle who has been dialysis for 25 years and still working. well, be positive, dialysis also can lead to a normal life. if you want, you can always go back to your work. anyway if one day i have to dialysis then i probably will also work. as i am just 35 this year.

Thanks for the comment! I love to hear stories of people living full lives on dialysis. I've been on dialysis before and specifically for HD, there wasn't one single day I can recall where I felt OK. Not one. PD was completely different though. I hope my body adjusts to it somehow over time, because this is a lifelong thing for me. It would be nice be someone other than just a sick person again someday in the future ;)

hi how long you spend to adjust yourself to PD? i am planning to take half year rest to adjust myself to PD. so you were quite well while you are on PD right? i probably will stick to PD while waiting for kidney transplant.

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