I Blame it on Stephenie Meyer…

This baby girl of mine has been a mystery. Up all night, stubborn, angry, not fond of people.

This year has been exhausting to say the least.

The last few months have gotten worse. Instead of getting happier, she is angrier. She now lunges at us – trying to bite us. She bites our hands, our legs, she even got Esther’s neck. She growls, she sneers and she dives towards us looking for blood it seems. She is up more often and longer during the night. Screaming in pain it seems and biting at her crib.

Troubling, yes?

So last month when THESE appeared, we had our answer….
I gave birth to a vampire.

It all makes sense now. The bats in our house, the biting, the long nights, the growling, the unhappiness being around other humans?

A vampire is living among us and I am blaming it entirely on Stephenie Meyer.

See, I was so happy living my “I haven’t read a novel in 6 years” life. I was an AVID reader until I had kids. But I had to let something go, so I quit reading completely when Eloise was born. People magazine was my Jane Eyre and I was happy with my lack of betterment as a person. So when November 2008 and a driving trip to Colorado presented itself with 32 hours in the car – I decided to read my first book in six long years, and I bought and read completely the Twilight Saga.

Four hours after completing the final book I realized that I was 4 weeks pregnant.

And now come to find out we are living with a vampire.
And to think we almost named her Esme.

Troubling, yes?

Would you be mad at Stephenie Meyer too? I think I am completely justified and will never read another book.

(and in case you are wondering, YES I am still nursing…OUCH)

About Tracy

My name is Tracy Morrison and I live in sunny Minnesota. I'm neither British nor a nun - I'm just a Midwesterner with a headache. This is mainly a humor and lifestyle blog that documents the lighter side of parenting. I am an ex-corporate ladder climber turned freelance writer, social media manager, world traveler, and marathon runner. I would love for you to contact me at tracy@sellabitmum.com

Comments

This whole post was hilarious, but I’m still chuckling out loud at “and I was happy with my lack of betterment as a person.” Go People magazine. :o)Rachelle recently posted..The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

I think I need to stop by your blog more often. I noticed your Marilyn quotes the first time I came by and liked you for them (though I had no idea the last quote was her??? – it’s the only one i’d heard before – and I have a bit of a Marilyn thing – but apparently not that big not to know). And now you post vampire pics of your child and I think I like you more.

I don’t love Stephanie Meyer, but I do own and enjoy an awful lot of Vampire fiction. So I adored the photo of your little one – and honestly hope my baby’s teeth now come in the same way!Mommycrat recently posted..And Again with the Bloggy Love!

That is hilarious. I needed that giggle and perspective this morning while contending with my gremlin. I know what you are saying about reading. I used to always have a book on me, and seldom anything light. Now my idea of deep reading is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Seriously hurting from laughter here. Esme? Really? This is just too priceless.

So did I understand correctly that you read all 4 books? I got through the first one and couldn’t do it any more. Why am I the only mom that doesn’t get it? I picked up one of Anthony Bourdain’s books instead. Food is my porn.

Welcome

Hi and welcome to Sellabit Mum. My name is Tracy Morrison and I live in sunny Minnesota. I'm neither British nor a nun - I'm just a Midwesterner with a headache. This is mainly a humor and lifestyle blog that documents the lighter side of parenting three girls. I run marathons and love to talk about fitness. We also love to travel and model social good with our family. I am an ex-corporate ladder climber turned writer, social media maven(not really) and ruler of my own little universe(very small). Aren't we all. I would love for you to contact me at tracy@sellabitmum.com