Friday, March 30, 2012

Ahhh, creativity, ingenuity, the entreprenurial spirit. You have to applaud it.

It's given us every convenience we take for granted, it is how we get ourselves from place to place, how we decorate our homes, prepare our food, dress ourselves, entertain our brains.

And now how we wipe our asses can be added to the list.

German artist, Georg Buchrucker, 32, came up with the idea for "Make Your Own Shitler" toilet paper, and I think it is genius - emblazoned with the face of Hitler, save the ubiquitous mustache - just waiting for your inner Picasshole to start painting.

Given that this man was responsible for one of the shittiest periods in our human history, who wouldn't like to add a homemade 'stache to his face? Serve up a little Lincoln Log love? A skidmark for humanity? A butt propelled blitzkrieg? A personalized swasstika?

Of course, you can always count on the born-with-no-funny-bone contingent to get their Fruit of The Looms in a knotzi. It's disrespectful, not funny, and he should be asshamed.

To those people I say, "Lighten up, Francis." (Bonus points to those who get that movie reference.)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

The old saying goes that the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes.

No one gets out of this life alive and dealing with that reality is harder for some people than others. Yes, we all deeply mourn when someone we love passes. That's the beauty of being a human being - the depth of emotional attachment, the profound sense of loss, the physical ache at having to say goodbye.

But we do it. We grieve, we celebrate their life, we bury them, cremate them, donate them - we say goodbye and move forward with the cruel business of living our lives without them.

Well, most of us move forward.

Some have a harder time letting go, accepting the inevitability of death. Goodbye is just too hard, so they ... well, don't.

Meet Barbara Scott of central Florida. Babs, 64, was married to Bennie, 77. Bennie passed. But instead of planning a funeral, Barbara planted a spouse. Instead of seeing him off to the hereafter, she gave him a one way ticket to Scarborough Faire.

Yes, that's right. Barbara buried Bennie under the herb garden.

Much thyme passed between his death and his being discovered. Three months and many changing stories to friends and relatives did not Curry any favor with folks, and she could no longer keep her daughter at Bay.

After listening to the Sage advice of her child, she fessed up to Bennie's whereabouts. Police found his body roughly 4 feet beneath the herbs.

They are still trying to get to the bottom of her decision to plant him like a seed and not tell anyone. I mean, I know that love grows where my Rosemary goes...

Hmmm, maybe they could get Toni Basil or the Spice Girls to sing at the wake?

All leading up to the most anticipated moment in my 18 year old daughter's life...the release of...

insert drumroll

THE HUNGER GAMES.

(and the crowd goes wild)

OK, ok, I'll be serious. It has only been a few months since Kendall read the books at warp speed, and then began harrassing her family members to get on board, too.

So, with Kindle in hand, I began reading Book 1 at CATZ one night while Carson was working out, and within 5 days I had finished Book 3. She had been right - a great read, a riveting story, solid characters you come to care about - I loved it.

Fast forward to the movie. I admit, I was looking forward to it as much as was Kendall, albeit for slightly different reasons.

Kendall? Of course she embraced the story and characters, but the bigger reason is that she and Josh Hutcherson (J Hutch) are "in love." And when you have the chance to slobber over your future husband in 10 foot tall form on the big screen? Mo better.

As for me, I wanted to see how director Gary Ross and Hunger Games author Suzanne Collins were able to consolidate, adapt, and bring to life what I had completely fleshed out in my head. (Well, that and the deliciously decadent chairs at the iPic where we saw it the first time.)

I was not disappointed. (In either.)

The Hunger Games movie clocks in at just under 2 1/2 hours, and for that period of time you are transported to a world gone wrong, where the characters are just trying to do right - to survive day-to-day while those who have take constantly from those who have not.

The premise of the book series - the United States, its edges now firmly under water, reduced to much rubble, ruin, 12 districts and a Capital - lives in a constant state of hunger - both literal and figurative. They all work to provide for the Capital where everything is beautiful, everyone over-the-top, well fed and well bred. As punishment for a rebellion attempt nearly 75 years ago, it is decreed that each year each district must sacrifice offer up two tributes - one male, one female - culled from all the 12-18 year olds. Those two tributes are whisked to the Capital to be trained, feted, interviewed, tweezed, transformed, and fed to a populace hungry for entertainment.

Yes, entertainment. You see, while the districts must watch the ensuing games, there are no tributes from the Capital, so it is all just fun, games, and betting for the Capital folk.

24 tributes enter the computer controlled arena, but only 1 will make it out. The rest will perish at the hands of one another in a kill or be killed reality show of bloodlust.

The moral implications are obvious. None of the tributes wants to be there - not even the "Career" tributes who train for this their whole lives. It is sickening, oppressive, gutwrenching, shameful, and simply wrong. The characters all know this - Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Haymitch, Cinna, even Effie. But they are all locked into survival mode 24/7 as it is, so how is anyone going to change it?

Casting the movie was done superbly. Each actor fitting ably into the character created in the mind of Collins. Jennifer Lawrence - who I just watched in Winter's Bone last night - carries the film as Katniss - the tribute who volunteers to take her 12 year old sister's place when fate pulls Primrose's name from the bowl.

Gale - Liam Hemsworth - may get short shrift in this movie - but fans of the book know he will get his time in the spotlight over the next two. Effie, played by Elizabeth Banks, pulls that character straight out of the books and your brain, into technicolor, irritating life. Cinna, taken on by Lenny Kravitz, is not exactly how I pictured Cinna when I read the books, but I loved him in the part. Quiet, considerate, himself sickened by his role, but determined to help how he can.

Donald Sutherland brings eerie, menacing life to President Snow, and Stanley Tucci is a joy to behold as he vamps the worst version of Ryan Seacrest as The Hunger Games emcee.

Every tribute, regardless of how little screentime or oxygen they received, was cast to a "T." And Rue? LOVED. HER. The face of an angel, the innocence of a little girl - she was perfect. (Yes, all you ignorant, illiterate racist Twatheads currently Tweeting that you were shocked they "cast a black girl", that it "ruined the movie" for you? LOVED. HER. And for the record - she is written as a dark skinned character.)

Finally, Peeta - my future son-in-law - suffice it to say I have seen enough real interview clips with JHutch to know he is Peeta/Peeta is him. He is endearing, adorable, has a quiet strength, a jawline that could cut glass, and did I mention we will be related someday?

As for the storyline adaptation? I was not unhappy. It is impossible to cover every vivid detail in a book in the time allotted on the screen, it just is. But Ross and Collins consolidated well, trimmed where need be, and for true fans of the book, every important piece was in place - tracker jackers, fireballs, Mockingjays, abject poverty contrasted with tasteless decadence - plus some.

I loved seeing the control room aspect of the games as Seneca Crane, devilishly played by Wes Bentley, played god. "Can I have a tree there?" "Sure." Seneca's beard deserves separate billing and an Oscar nod.

Seriously, it improves everything.

If I have to be truly critical or highlight something that fell a tad flat? I wish Woody Harrelson had had more time to be the worst, drunken Haymitch we all envision before pulling his shit together to help mentor. That happened too fast. But again, understandable.

I cried. Seriously, my first tears came not even 10 minutes into the movie at the reaping. You could feel the fear, the surreality, the screaming of the people who dare not even whisper their dissent.

Kendall and I were whisked away with Katniss and Peeta. And even though we knew the outcomes, we found ourselves holding our breath during scenes. And we were sad when it was over, when Peeta's heart got casually dismissed and handed back to him - because November 2013 is too damned far away for the next movie.

Are there naysayers? Of course. There always are. Effie them. The numbers don't lie. This movie was highly anticipated, sold out in advance of its opening day, and delivered to its fans a truly special visual telling of the books we have taken to heart.

And given how amazing this movie was? My guess is that the odds for the next 2 installments will be ever in our favor.

One of our DGMS family members is in the hospital today to undergo surgery for breast cancer.

Donna wrote to me, "I go in the hospital on Tuesday for breast cancer surgery. and yeah, I'm scared. I keep this confident, happy strong front for everyone when inside I just want to yell and cry, and just have someone to hold me and tell me they understand, which my support group, made mostly of males, just don't know how to do it."

Please send your love, support, prayers, and energy towards her as she faces this surgery and the recovery that comes after.

Monday, March 26, 2012

High school and college spring breaks are over and my house is quiet again. Although Culley's and Kendall's breaks did not coincide, they did manage to overlap by a couple days - it was great having the girls around, relaxing, laughing (a lot). They were even on hand to cheer on Carson and her team this weekend as they faced two of the most important games of their club career - brutal matches for a shot at moving up to a much harder competitive level.

(They did! It was a game for the books yesterday with the winning goal coming off a hard fought cross from Carson to a team mate.)

Anyhoo, I'm back and will be able to sit and face the computer now...stay tuned.