"As you know I have been campaigning on a platform of Prosperity Through Peace,” the Republican-turned-Independent-turned-Democrat former governor and senator of Rhode Island told a Democratic National Committee gathering in the bowels of a downtown Washington hotel.

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(Bowels!)

"But after much thought I have decided to end my campaign for president today,” he added.

Chafee, who formally announced his candicacy in June, was averaging literally zero percent in national polls: