The Mac Dude only broke up with Drew Barrymore less than a week ago, but he’s already found a rebound. Some source told OK! Magazine that this morning, while we were in our beds dreaming of cotton candy penises (seriously, that was my dream), Kiki and Justin Long were holding hands and being gross in NYC.

The source said, “Justin was holding Kirsten’s hand while walking around downtown NYC in the SoHo area. They looked like they had stayed out all night and Justin had bloodshot eyes, but Kirsten was all over him and kept leaning in to kiss him.” Kiki loves bloodshot eyes. She also loves eye boogers. She probably ate those off him. And he sucked off the leftover food that gets stuck her snagtooth. Well! They are both dirty birds. Dirty celebrities like being dirty together.

Up until today, I figured Justin was just some nothing actor who got lucky with the Mac commercials. But I decided to IMDB him and he’s been in a lot of shit. He was the voice of Alvin in the “Alvin and the Chipmunks” movie!! I’d hit it for that reason alone. Imagine him saying, “I’m gonna cum all over your titties” in his Alvin voice? Amazing….and sexy.

Oh and they probably broke up before their first orgasm together. Kiki texted “It’s OVER” to him, right before she came. That’s how she works.

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