Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Just over a year ago I attended my first yoga class. I was so stressed that everything in my body hurt. I called my mom to see if she knew anywhere to get a massage on a Sunday night and she suggested yoga. I went to the world's most boring restorative class at a far away studio. But something felt right. So on my mom's suggestion I went to her studio, a place called Moksha Yoga.

It was hot. It was hard. But I felt better.

For one quiet, challenging hour I felt calm. When the class was over my mom asked me what I thought. The only thing that came to mind was that if I ever had to face torture I'd be somewhat more prepared. I hated the heat and the non-stop sweating and how standing still in poses was so brutally hard.

And yet, I showed up the next day. And the next. And those days turned into an intro month. And that month turned into a one- year membership.
That membership ends in 4 days. And now I'm debating what I want to do. Should I continue (at the cost of about $99 per month) or should I look at joining gyms? In fairness I've been saving, and thanks to my lack of Starbucks purchases I've budgeted for it.
But, it's still expensive.

My year of yoga has been intense. I learned a lot about yoga, about breath and movement. More importantly I learned about myself. I learned that I need to be kind to myself. I learned that to love others I need to love myself. I learned I can do far more than I would have thought I could, and that sometimes it's okay to give less than everything I have.
I've learned calm. I've learned stillness. I've learned to leave everything outside of the yoga room and take an hour completely for myself.

I've lived it. Not every second or every class. I didn't become a yogi like some of my teachers. But somehow in the last year I've become more me.

I found myself on the mat when things were tough. I stared running and never stopped yoga because somehow it made my unattainable dream of running a half marathon realistic.

And now my year is over. I don't have a bonus. And the price seems high. And so I'm debating whether or not to take on monthly payments.