In this blog post, the writer is making a point that Hogwarts isn’t the type of school for kids to be attending. Far from it. I’m going to just say that this is very well-written and yet funny at the same time.

Hey everybody, look at that title! If you can’t guess what something called “10 Reasons Hogwarts Is The Worst Damn School Ever” is about, than I officially have to confiscate your eyeballs.

Ahem.

10: “You Know What Would Be Funny? Making People Run In To Walls.”

This is just a minor nitpick, but seriously, what the fuck was up with Platform 9 3/4?!

Think about it: Hogwarts sends letters to these kids, tell them they’re magic, then say “oh, by the way, run in to this brick wall”. What, is the entire admission system run by the Three Stooges?!

Wait a second, that’s a lie. They don’t even say “run in to this wall”, they just say “go to this station that doesn’t actually exist”. The only reason Harry doesn’t assume that the Durleys were playing a practical joke is because he runs in to the Weasleys which is incidentally…

Well, today, I have planned out the story and chapter 5 is called Sparks, Snarks, & Spells.

Before we can get to that point, I have chapter 4, which is called The Term Begins. In that chapter, Harry meets Pun Teasley, Hildegarde Lamer, Neramill Flatbutton, and Domro Wilfy, all who are freshmen at Warthogpox High School.

For starters, Pun is a poorly-named boy from Japan who comes from an unnecessarily large family, who dislikes him. (Pun’s annoying younger sister, Fanny, is a huge Larry Dobber fan and she beats up anyone who hates Larry Dobber.) He speaks in puns and riddles, which doesn’t happen until the end of the story.

Hildegarde is the tough-as-nails quintessential “sassy black friend” who won’t stand for any crap. She makes the mistake of thinking of Harry as Larry Dobber, until she is corrected by said boy.

Neramill is just an ordinary kid who cares nothing for what’s popular.

Domro is the quintessential jerk who thinks he’s better than everyone else. But he’s no bully. (We’ll meet the bullies in the next chapter)

But those guys aren’t anything like what we’ll see in the next chapter of this story.

Today, I now begin the spoof known as Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever!

In this parody, Harry Potter is a known as Harry Moffer, a normal boy who has nothing in common with his “useless” relatives. That is, until he is invited to attend an elite public school called Warthogpox High School. There, he meets Pun Teasley and Hildegarde Lamer and navigates the normal world of high school.