All Activityhttp://thetalon.ipbhost.com/index.php?/discover/The Talon House - All ActivityenItalian ConfessionalAn elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy,
went to the local church for confession in 1960.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
"Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from
our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from
the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no
need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual
favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you
placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However,
if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That is a great load off my mind. I do have one more
question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"Tue, 15 Aug 2017 09:18:34 +0000SEX AFTER DEATH ....A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back
and inform the other of the sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to
die.
True to his word, he made the first contact:
" Marion ... Marion "
"Is that you, Bob?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have
breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a
couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens).
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much
have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf
course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some
much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"
"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"Mon, 31 Jul 2017 09:32:50 +0000HiHey stranger. Glad to see you're still around.Thu, 29 Jun 2017 13:19:35 +0000HiHello Talon
Been a long time just wanted to say hiMon, 26 Jun 2017 22:19:26 +0000The EngineerAn engineer dies . . . and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators.
The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?"
Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on staff. I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"Thu, 22 Jun 2017 09:37:00 +0000Late Night Emergency Vet CallHer dog was in heat, but she agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation. She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.
Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and even though it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"Just worked for me," he replied.Mon, 10 Apr 2017 09:21:52 +0000Grandma's BoyfriendToo good not to share. Click here.Wed, 25 Jan 2017 10:28:33 +0000Seasons GreetingsHAPPY HOLIDAYS 2016Sun, 25 Dec 2016 10:19:15 +0000The Scrolls of IcariaFive years now. Well they may be gone but they won't be forgottenTue, 15 Nov 2016 10:59:11 +0000EngineersAn Engineer dies... and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here!" Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." "Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"Tue, 15 Nov 2016 10:24:40 +0000BabiesThe little boy had been looking out of the Southwest airplane window.
He turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”
The mother couldn't think of an answer. She told her son to ask the flight attendant.
The boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?”
The busy flight attendant smiled and asked the boy, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?”
The boy replied, "Yes, she did.”
"Well", said the flight attendant, "you tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."Fri, 23 Sep 2016 09:42:52 +0000JugglingA Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Troopers car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, “You might as well take my butt to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”Fri, 23 Sep 2016 09:39:29 +0000Joke of the WeekTue, 30 Aug 2016 09:47:07 +0000The WriterA writer died and as she floated in limbo, a disembodied voice told her she had the option of going to heaven or hell.
"Can I look them both over before I make my decision?" she asked.
As the writer descended into the fiery pits of hell, she saw row after row, level after level of writers chained to desks and banging away at keyboards in a steaming sweatshop atmosphere. As the writers slaved away, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
"Oh my," said the writer. "May I see heaven now?"
A few moments later, after she ascended, she saw the same conditions for the writers in heaven.
"Wait a minute," said the writer. "This is just as bad as hell!"
"No, it's not," replied the disembodied voice. "Here, your work gets published."Sat, 27 Aug 2016 09:36:02 +0000