Musings on Porn

Dirty Sanchez is abstaining from masturbation. I feel sorry for him. If you are a guy it can be hard...no... difficult to keep from jerkin' the gherkin.

That got me thinking of porn. Actually, many things get me thinking of porn. Hot baristas, a bra ad in the Sunday Times, a photo of Mya Angelou, the smell of cole slaw, gum...

Here are some things porn has taught me about sex:

*No matter how old the model, if you give her pigtails and have her make a pouty face you can put it in the 'barely legal' catagory. Crows feet? Old-lady fuzz face? No... she's young. She has pigtails!

*Every session of sex should involve a blowjob, cunilingus, anal penatration and should always, I mean ALWAYS, end with the man spurting on the woman's face.

*Chicks LOVE getting plowed in the pooper. Even if they wince in obvious pain, they LOVE it!

*Chicks LOVE it when you spoodge on their face. They don't want you to wear a condom. They expect that when you eat tuna, you'll want to give them a side of tarter... in their eyelashes!

*Every guy has a bigger cock than I do.

Here are some things I've learned from strange porn:

*Midgets look funny naked!

*When letting a Doberman screw you, be sure to put gym socks on his forepaws so you don't get scratched.

*Some people are aroused by being peed on.

*No matter what your fettish, with determination, you can find porn of it.

*People from Germany and Japan are fucked up.

A couple parting thoughts:

*In the days of the 56K modem dial-up, let the photo load ALL THE WAY!