Ehren

I guess it started when I was around 12. I’d been getting a lot of teasing
and beatings from the kids at my new high school. The school was so small,
it was like I couldn’t escape them. I hated them all, with a passion. And I
though, ‘how could they hate me? am I that bad?’. I came up with all of
these excuses of why they hated me. So I punished myself. The first time I
did it, it was just a scratch. It felt good, but I thought it’d feel even
better if I could make it bleed. So I did, and I couldn’t stop. It’s not
like I want to kill myself, SI just makes the pain turn exterior, so I can
see it, and know what is hurting me. I also know that my exterior wounds
will heal eventually, and that gives me a sense of control and security. I’m
almost 15, and I’m starting to tell people I trust, but I still wear long
sleeves in summer…