Tuesday, August 29, 2006

I am absolutely tired this morning. Between the wedding, the travel back from the wedding, and the heat I feel like I have no energy at all. I even took yesterday off, and it still hasn't energized me, but the long weekend awaits me. I will get some rest then.

My brother's wedding was absolutely beautiful(and i never really thought I'd use that phrase). My brother was about as nervous as a man can be, sweating like Patrick Ewing, but he held it together nicely. My sister-in-law didn't look to be nervous at all, and she had on a beautiful, long white dress(I get a pass on all of these borderline gay adjectives right?). My father-in-law stood next to the bride, and I stood next to the brother, and they completed the small ceremony. If you know my brother, you know that he rarely smiles, and when you ask him how come he doesn't, he'll say everything is fine, but he's in a New York state of mind(my apologies to the 18th letter). But on this day, Jamal was smiling like a champ, and I can genuinely say that he looked happy. It was also nice to have my mother, my father, my brother and I in the same room for an extended period of time. We've been together briefly at funerals, and my college graduation back, but this had been the first time in nearly 15 years that we'd all sat in the room and just talked and relaxed. I could never see my parents reconciling after all these years, but I'll take moments like this when I can get them.

My mother was trying to look good for my father, and I had to laugh. They've known each other for almost 37 years, and my mom is still vying for his attention. My father played it cool as only he knows how, but somewhere deep down in his passive mind, I know he find some sort of peace talking to my mother. Despite their divorce 13 years ago, you can't possibly know someone for the amount of time that they have, and not feel some kind of way. Me? I felt weird. At one point my mother and father were talking, and Jamal was talking to his wife, and I was just in limbo. It was an alone feeling that quickly passed, but I didn't forget it. That was the first time that I actually felt like I may want to get married. In my day-to-day life I don't really feel alone, partly because I have a routine that I'm used to. Plus I have a new friend in my life who is making me happy thus far. But there will be a time when I get a little older and heavier, when I will want to have a companion and not feel alone. And that moment at the wedding made me realize that. I could go deeper with this, but I really chose not to right now.

Some random thoughts:-My ex moved to New Mexico on Sunday. We tried and tried to make that thing work over the past 6 years, but it was not meant to be. I wish her luck and happiness..just as long as she's always a bit unhappier than me..at least until I get married. It's good for my ego

-That new Outkast movie is just ok. It is visually stimulating, and I the music was good(although most of it seemed to be taken from their Speakerboxx/Love Below CD from '03). The acting was alright, and the storyline was boring, but as musicals go it was ok. I'm still mad that Andre doesn't rap consistently anymore, but I won't bitch about that anymore.

-I had a lot of sex yesterday. I'm 31 years old, I've been having sex since age 16, and for some reason, I still get excited at the prospect of getting some, doing it, and then reflecting on it. I wonder if that'll change..I suppose if I was on Viagra it would. That would make it more of a job..but for now, I'm loving it, even if it is premarital.