Followers

09 April 2009

Thursday Wrap/In Memory of Mom

It's time for Thursday Wrap as I have finished work for my work week of Sunday-Thursday. It seems like it has been a long week. Kiereney is progressing, Katie is regressing and Kelli is pained with a pinched nerve in her back one ER visit later early this morning.

We are going down to Kathy's for the weekend for Easter and to support her as she has to take the boys back on Friday after having them for a couple of weeks and she will miss them like crazy. Kelli and Kiereney are going down to visit their dad and grandpa and will be dog sitting for us again. Two weekends in a row without responsibility...how suweet it is! We will meet up with the kids for Easter dinner *gasp* ---I NEVER eat a holiday dinner anywhere but in a home setting ESPECIALLY not a restaurant. I just wasn't raised that way. But alas, it will be this way this year. Maybe next year we will descend upon Michael in Virginia and make him host Easter dinner! lol

Speaking of the Lt.(who I see in 18 more days!!!!!) Illinois has once again bobbled the ball with his transfer to Virginia. Right hand does not know what left hand is doing in the good ole Army, at least in Illinois. With 19 days before he graduates, he gets the word that, no, Illinois will not just release him...Virginia has to request him first from Illinois as to prevent a soldier from going AWOL, being released from one state and then deciding just not to sign up with the other state. Michael calls it a check and balance system. I call it FUBAR since he's had the papers from Virginia and been waiting for the word to send them. Plus he has to request permission for transfer in the form of a letter to a General in Virginia. Again, people, we've had SIX months to get this together and we're down to the wire. My OCD is OCDing! Michael seems cool, calm and collected as a good soldier should be, I guess. Where he is transferred depends on where he gets a job, where he gets an apartment, etc. These ducks should have already been lined up a long time ago IMHO.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend!

Margaret Ellen Mitchell Shepherd

03/03/1922-04/09/1968

Wow, Mom...1968 when you unexpectedly left me seems like yesterday in one way and forever in another. 41 years without you in my life. I trust that there really are holes in the floor of Heaven and you've been able to see what I've done with my life. I have done my usual annual thing of rereading your hospital notes, autopsy reports, etc. that I requested many years ago and every time I read them, I find or remember something new. As I was reading when you had the grand mal seizure that got you transferred to St. Louis where you unexpectedly died 5 hours later, I remember that I used to call you Little Mommy because you were usually in the 80 pound range and at 4'11" you could wear Girls Size 14 clothes. Remember I would pick you up and carry you and it would make you furious? Or when you talked with your hands and we would grab them and you weren't able to talk if you couldn't gesture with your hands?

I hope you've kept up with your three grandchildren. They are so different from each other, yet all share your qualities. Kelli is meticulous when it comes to record keeping, typing, computer~whatever~just like you were. She is also quiet but believes in rallying to a cause like you did, be it stupid drivers who made you think you were going to be hit(you never drove because you were too scared) or issues that she feels and you felt require her/your opinion. I love that about her. I guess you saw that I ended up being like that, too. I just wasn't at 13 when you knew me...I lived in Camelot in an ideal house, an ideal family and love was abounding. When all that came to an abrupt halt 41 years ago today, I found my voice. But you know that. I'm sure you weren't happy when I let Dad walk all over me and that continued through the grandchildren. Oh, the stories we could tell! But you know. You saw that I finally rose like a phoenix out of the ashes and drew the line with Dad.

And Michael...he reminds me of you as he always thinks deeply. He has a plan formulated for every occasion. He is a gentle giant. You would be so proud of him.

And then there's Kiereney...the unsinkable Mollie Brown. I have always said that you will never be dead as long as Kiereney is alive. She looks like you in profile. She has your laugh. She is hard headed like you, or perhaps stubborn is a better word. She fights the fights that need to be fought and she always finds a way to bounce back. I don't think(does a mother EVER know?) that she has the affinity for beer and cigarettes that you did, but the party never starts until Kiereney gets there. She is perpetual motion and I think she'd give you a run for your money on the dance floor. She is the bold one of the three. She'd be the one telling you to stop smoking and that you need to learn the Cha Cha Slide and she'd grab your hand and before you knew it, you'd be doing the Cha Cha Slide.

Every book has a slow steady beginning, a rising middle and a flash ending and that perfectly describes your three grandchildren. I am so blessed to have them. I just wish you could have seen them. Wish you could have been around on my wedding days, helping me keep it real during the panic attack monster and shared your recipes with me. Dad still won't give us the beef stew recipe...every time we ask him at the cemetary, a stream of Harley riders comes by...it's like he creates a diversion to avoid giving us the recipe. But you know that because you are right next to him.

I know you loved your purple petunias(purple was your favorite color and you were simply delighted when Dad painted your bedroom purple soda pop purple(which simply was not done in 1963) and bought you the white trimmed in gold antique canopy bed, chest, nightstands and dresser.) and Dad planted them in the window boxes on the house every Spring. You also know I was the one who had to carry pitchers of water out there to water them and I grew to hate them! Little kids have better things to do than water petunias every day. I boycotted purple petunias or most flowers for years. But last year, I broke down and planted purple petunias for you in a birdhouse stand on my deck. They were beautiful like velvet until the local squirrel tribe found them and well, the ending just wasn't pretty. But they also ate my Lantana and our tomatoes so I don't think your petunias were singled out.

If I could just have one.more.day to talk to you...to ask you all the questions that went unanswered...why you didn't tell me Dad was married and had children before he married you leaving me to think I was an only child all those years until the kids showed up at your wake...not funny, Mom. Why you didn't have more kids...surely I didn't ruin you on the subject of kids because you kept me in line and as you said, you could take me anywhere and I would not be any trouble at all. Just all kind of questions that I've needed answers to over the years but I winged it and I guess all in all, I haven't screwed my kids or life up too badly. I wanted them to know of you so badly...I've tried to tell stories about you and fear I will forget the stories before I can get them all told. I thought about writing them down but I just don't have the energy any more. I'm trusting the kids to have good memories. I want their kids to know about their great grandmother. I don't ever want you forgotten.

I love you and I miss you and I hope you know that, too.

I still hate my name but will sign it just for you today as you always smiled when you said my name.

4 comments:

Vanessa Gail, what a lovely and unique name your momma gave you, dear one. To me, it sounds like the name of a beautiful flower, in itself. Your momma is always with you, Nessie, even when it's hard to feel her closeness. She is in you, she is in your children, and nothing, not anything, could ever take that away.

Life is hard, isn't it, dear friend? But it also wonderful, delicious, invigorating, inspiring and lots of other incredible things that surround us everyday.

Vanessa, you should be proud, it is a lovely name and suits you as far as I can tell. Beautiful tribute to your Mom, she sounds like a firecracker! Wish we both had out moms so we could get some answers, I'm sure they are dancing in Heaven. Easter Blessings to you and your family Ness, you done good ;D

Praying for Our Soldiers

DachshundStrong

About Me

I'm a 60 y/o Missouri-born, Illinois-bred married mom of 3(37, 29 and 28), 1 of which(the 29 y/o son) was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the United States Army on 10 May 2008 and promoted to 1st Lieutenant in March 2010 and currently deployed to the Sinai Pennisula and returned in May 2011(which is where the Strong came in for my blog name-Army Strong)and now leaving at the end of June 2013 for an 18 month deployment as an aide de camp to a Colonel at the Embassy. He has made the rank of Captain. I love dachshunds, chihuahuas, orange cats, rainbows, quotes, music-total eclectic, and life in general. My blog friends make my life the joy it is. Also a thyroid cancer survivor of NINE years and hopefully counting. God is my pilot and my word for living is BELIEVE

Dachshunds Rule!

Proud Mother of an American Soldier

I am the mother of an American Soldier.I give my complete and unwavering support to my soldier.As my son serves the people of the United States, so I humbly offer up prayers for his safety and the safety and health of those he serves beside..I respect his choice to adhere to a strict moral code and a system of values that has preserved our country over two centuries.I accept that my soldier's first duty is to his country and I understand that this sacrifice he willingly makes is what keeps our nation great.I will never expect anything but the best from my soldier, for I know he is capable.I know that a soldier's heart is true and strong, and that my soldier will endure.I will never abandon my soldier, my son. I will love him unconditionally.He will know I am there with him, even when he is alone.I am disciplined, emotionally and mentally tough, learning to wait for phone calls and letters or emails home.I, like my soldier, am an expert.I stand ready to do whatever I can do to let my son, my soldier, know that we are here for him, behind him, we love him, and I will pray for the swift destruction of the enemies of our country.I am the person who stood guardian of this man who has become my soldier, now our guardian of freedom and the American way of life.I am the proud mother of an American Soldier

~Anonymous~

Quotes

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

You never know when you're making a memory.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I am unwritten, can't read my mind.I'm undefined.I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned.Staring at the blank page before you-Open up the dirty window-Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find.Reaching for something in the distance-So close you can almost taste it.Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin.No one else can feel it for you.Only you can let it in.No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips.Drench yourself in words unspoken-Live your life with arms wide open.Today is,Today is, where your book beginsThe rest is still unwritten.--Natasha Bedingfield~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. ~Author Unknown~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.-- Marianne Williamson~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Don't cry because it's over--smile because it happened.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~We Are Virginia Tech~Nikki Giovanni

We are Virginia Tech.We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.

We are Virginia Tech.We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.

We are Virginia Tech.We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands, being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.

We are Virginia Tech.The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open hearts and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.

We are the Hokies.We will prevail.We will prevail.We will prevail.We are Virginia Tech~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Today we are all Hokies."

4/16/07God bless Virginia Tech, Hokie Nation and the families and friends who were changed by the senseless act of violence on that day. May the peace that passes all understanding be yours one day.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and agressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all it's sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you, and I wish you enough." The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom." They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking,but why is this a forever good-bye?". "I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said. "When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?" She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them." Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person,an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walk down the street. There is a hole.I don't see it. I fall in. It isn't my fault. It takes a very long time to get out.

I walk down the same street. There is still a deep hole. I pretend not to see it. I fall in. I pretend it's still not my fault. It takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street. There is still the same deep hole. I see it. I fall in anyway. It's a habit. I get out quicker this time.

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole. I see it. I walk around it. I don't fall in.

I walk down a different street.

Portia Nelson~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May you be blessed with as much good as your heart can hold. May you always find a way to recognize what is important and holy in a life which can sometimes be painful. Life is a classroom and we are both the students and the teachers. May you find ways in which to learn from all of the experiences of your days, and may you sometimes stop to contemplate who your teachers are and who your students might be. Distinguish what is real, and hold fast to it. Balance.

Deb at Four Angels Mama-a very wise woman indeed.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blog Award

Blog Award

Blog Award

Blog Award

Blog Award

From Kelly at Whirlwind Lodge dated 2/4/08

Blog Award

From Hallie at Wonderul World of Wieners dated 1/27/08

NIU

We will never forget 2/14/08

Virginia Tech Hokies

We will never forget 4/16/07

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend...
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end.
He noted that fist came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears...
but he said that what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...
and now only those who loved her know what that little line was worth.
For it matters not how much we own the cars... the house... the cash...
what matters is how we live and love and how we spent our dash.
So think about this long and hard are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down long enough to consider what's true and real...
and always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more...
love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile...
remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?