i'm not sure why, but your story is intriguing to me. I read all I could up until the part where you start blaming yourself. I am sorry that the only feedback I have for you is this: leave your partner, she doesn't care about your feelings, and leave your roommate (it is ok to want to live near people who think it is appropriate to wear shoes-i don't leave my house without them). I'm not saying your partner is a bad person, or your roommate is a bad friend, but from what you've portrayed in your story, they are not good for you. well, you're different and should know better for yourself. weigh the pros and cons of leaving, consider where else you could be and make a decision to better your life.