SVAD Freshmen Hire Struggling Full Sail Grads as Personal Assistants

In a major victory for recent graduates of Full Sail University, a new study has shown that the traditionally dismal employment rates for alumni of the infamous trade school is now skyrocketing. The driving force behind this upward trend? Graduates are being hired en masse as personal assistants by freshmen SVAD students at UCF.

“I’m so grateful for the opportunity,” said Shaun Flaggerty, who graduated from Full Sail in 2015. “When I graduated, I had big aspirations. I moved up to Atlanta with the hopes of executive producing a Marvel movie. In the end, I was fired from a dog food commercial. It’s great to be working in the industry again.”

SVAD students are finding these new personal assistants extremely helpful when it comes to their day-to-day lives. Some of the top candidates have worked on pilot episodes which are getting picked up by major networks. Others have experience working as craft services on many student projects.

“Look,” said freshman film BFA major Kelsey Montgomery, “My daddy’s a producer at Universal and he said that I could have whatever I wanted when I got to college. I need a little shadow to help me throughout the day and someone needs to carry my Starbucks.”

Employment isn’t the only thing Full Sail grads are obtaining. Cynthia Perez, a graphic design major who graduated from Full Sail last year, has found her time assisting Emma Michaels, one of UCF’s graphic design freshmen, to be a valuable learning experience.

“I hadn’t even heard of Photoshop before Emma hired me,” said Perez. “I’ve learned all sorts of cool design techniques from watching her work, like ‘copying’ and ‘pasting.’ It’s been really incredible.” She also hopes to master cropping in the near future.

Jay Parker is another SVAD student who employs a Full Sail graduate. When asked how he manages to afford a personal assistant as a college freshman from a middle-class background, Parker said, “I just cook an extra serving of spaghetti each night and let my assistant sleep in my tub. A lot of these Full Sail guys are so desperate that they’ll work for room and board.”

Two-time Oscar winner Gary A. Rizzo, a graduate from Full Sail’s class of 1993, has some words of hope for recent graduates who are struggling in the current job market: “I, too, was an assistant back in the day. I built my way up and worked with newcomers such as George Lucas and some older fellow named John Lasseter. Now I have two Oscars and people are climbing at the chance to be my assistant. Life’s funny like that.”

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