Doctor Who: In Defence Of THE WEDDING OF RIVER SONG

Series
six
came
to
a
head
with
The
Wedding
of
River
Song,
which
was
an
episode
that
pretty
much
does
what
it
says
on
the
tin
as
well
as
having
everything
else
happen
and
nothing.
While
I
love
this
story
to
bits
there
are
many
others
–
a
majority
even,
as
best
as
I
can
tell
–
that
dislike
it,
some
that
hate
it,
and
many
that
genuinely
loathe
it
with
a
passion.
The
most
recent
DWM
survey
that
polled
readers
to
determine
a
ranking
order
for
the
first
241
stories
(An
Unearthly
Child
–
The
Time
of
the
Doctor)
ranked
The
Wedding
of
River
Song
as
#129
overall.
That’s
not
a
particularly
bad
result
but
it’s
placed
firmly
in
the
bottom
half
and
it
will
likely
only
go
down
lower
in
future
polls
when
Peter
Capaldi’s
Twelfth
Doctor
is
considered
after
Listen,
Mummy
on
the
Orient
Express,
Flatline
and
the
rest.
Is
The
Wedding
of
River
Song
really,
and
I
mean
REALLY,
the
worst
season
finale
of
“NewWho”?
Because
that’s
what
this
poll
result
says.
Even
now,
four
years
on
from
the
original
transmission,
it
STILL
has
the
power
to
rip
apart
message
boards
as
the
fans
that
love
it
and
the
fans
that
hate
it
continue
to
clash
and
fall
out
with
each
other
over
it.
I
think
it’s
due
a
reevaluation
from
its
many
detractors
and
so
now
I
shall
try,
possibly
in
vain,
to
convince
you
that
it
really
is
better
than
you
remember.

I
love
The
Wedding
of
River
Song.
It’s
Moffat
at
his
most,
to
borrow
his
own
phrase,
“timey
wimey”.
He
throws
in
everything
and
the
kitchen
sink.
It
opens
with
all
of
history
happening
at
once.
How
about
Pterodactyls
flying
over
London,
Dickens
promoting
A
Christmas
Carol
(not
the
Matt
Smith
episode!)
on
BBC
Breakfast,
Romans
in
chariots
waiting
at
a
red
traffic
signal
and
Holy
Roman
Emperor
Winston
Churchill
returning
to
the
Buckingham
Senate
atop
his
personal
mammoth?
Did
I
mention
the
flying
cars
attached
to
hot
air
balloons?
This
is
Doctor
Who
at
its
most
bonkers
and
there’s
nothing
not
to
love
about that!
As
things
go
on
we
see
the
Doctor
playing
Live
Chess
against
a
psychopath
who
will
kill
anyone
who
beats
him
at
it.
We’ll
see
someone
eaten
alive
by
skulls.
We
meet
a
blue
head
in
a
box
bemoaning
the
lack
of
Wi-­‐Fi.
And
did
I
mention
that
the
Doctor
escapes
his
death
by
hiding
inside
a
shape-­‐shifting
robot
piloted
by
tiny
cross
people?
Anything
goes
in
this
story!

It’s
not
all
fun
and
games
though.
There are
a
few
scenes
that
have
an
emotional
edge
to
them
that
hit
home
hard.
Most
notably
is
the
(off-­‐screen)
death
of
my
personal
favourite
Doctor
Who
supporting
character
Brigadier
Lethbridge-­‐Stewart.
I
have
to
hand
it
to
Moffat
for
writing
into
his
script
this
beautiful
tribute
to
the
late
Nick
Courtney;
even
more
so
for
making
it
relevant
to
the
plot
as
it’s
this
death
that
finally
convinces
the
Doctor
to
accept
his
fate.
The
scene
is
well
written
and
it’s
an
emotional
hard-­‐hitter,
especially
for
longer-­‐term
fans
of
the
series.
Can
anyone
honestly
say
it
isn’t
moving?

NURSE:
Doctor,
I'm
so
sorry.
We
didn't
know
how
to
contact
you.
I'm
afraid
Brigadier
Lethbridge
Stewart
passed
away
a
few
months
ago.
Doctor?
DOCTOR:
Yes.
Yes,
I…
NURSE:
It
was
very
peaceful.
He
talked
a
lot
about
you,
if
that's
any
comfort.
Always
made
us
pour
an
extra
brandy
in
case
you
came
round
one
of
these
days.
DORIUM:
Doctor?
What's
wrong?
DOCTOR:
Nothing.
Nothing.
It's
just…
(He
puts
the
phone
down
and
takes
the
TARDIS
blue
envelopes
from
his
pocket.)
DOCTOR:
It's
time.
It's
time.

Everything
up
until
about
halfway
through
this
story
is
told
through
a
series
of
flashbacks
by
the
Doctor
to
Churchill
and
we
get
intermittent
scenes
of
the
two
walking
down
a
corridor
(It
wouldn’t
be
Doctor
Who
if
they
didn’t!),
and
as
they
go
Moffat
crafts
a
slow-­‐burner
of
a
reveal
that
the
two
are
defending
themselves
(building
upon
similar
scenes
from
Day
of
the
Moon)
when
the
Silent
Priests
are
slowly
revealed
to
be
in
the
room
with
them
–
and
they’re
attacking.
Thankfully
the
monsters
are
stopped
by
the
arrival
of
Pond,
Amelia
Pond,
who
then
proceeds
to
shoot
the
Doctor
and
take
him
away
by
train
to
Area
52.
Turns
out
she
remembers
everything
from
the
alternate
timeline
(she’s
making
a
habit
of
this)
and
that
too
is
a
standout
scene…

DOCTOR:
Amy?
AMY:
Those
stun
guns
aren't
fun.
I'm
sorry.
I
wanted
to
avoid
a
long
conversation.
You
need
to
get
up,
though.
We'll
be
in
Cairo
shortly.
DOCTOR:
Amy
Pond.
Amelia
Pond
from
Leadworth,
please
listen
to
me.
I
know
it
seems
impossible,
but
you
know
me.
In
another
version
of
reality
you
and
I
were
best
friends.
We,
we
travelled
together.
We
had
adventures.
Amelia
Pond,
you
grew
up
with
a
time
rift
in
the
wall
of
your
bedroom.
You
can
see
what
others
can't.
You
can
remember
things
that
never
happened.
And
if
you
try,
if
you
really,
really
try,
you'll
be
able
to
(He
is
gesturing
with
a
model
TARDIS.)
Oh.
(And
on
the
far
wall
are
her
sketches
-­‐
Dalek,
Silurian,
vampire,
pirate,
Weeping
Angel.)
Oh.
AMY:
You
look
rubbish.
DOCTOR:
You
look
wonderful.
AMY:
So
do
you.
But
don't
worry;
we'll
soon
fix
that.
(She
holds
up
a
tweed
jacket.)
DOCTOR:
Oh,
Geronimo.

Soon
we
get
another
great
moment
when
they’re
at
Area
52,
which
is
inside
a
pyramid.
River
Song
is
there
waiting
and
her
response
upon
seeing
the
Doctor
arrive
is
legendary:
“And
what
sort
of
time
do
you
call
this?”
Brilliant
writing!
Moffat
nails
it
with
his
scripts
week
in
week
out,
but
when
it
comes
down
to
individual
lines
of
dialogue
he’s
even
better.
This
is
one
such
example.
There’s
another
even
better
one
later
on
when
Alternate!Amy
proposes
to
Alternate!Rory…

AMY:
So,
you
and
me,
we
should
get
a
drink
some
time.
RORY:
Okay.
AMY:
And
married.
(Pause.)
RORY:
Fine.

The
episode
then
gets
scary
as
the
Silents,
trapped
in
the
pyramid,
begin
to
break
free
from
their
imprisonments
and
launch
an
attack,
and
on
Kovarian’s
instruction
everyone’s
eyedrives
begin
to
electrocute
their
users.
This
is
a
very
dark
moment
for
Amy
as
we
finally
see
the
one
thing
lacking
from
the
season
thus
far,
as
she
gets
revenge
on
Kovarian
by
sticking
her
eyedrive
over
her
and
letting
her
die,
killing
her
in
cold
blood.
It’s
dark.
Really
really
dark.
[It
makes
me
think
of
Davros’s
guilt
trip
in
Journey’s
End:
“But
this
is
the
truth
Doctor.
You
take
ordinary
people
and
you
fashion
them
into
weapons.
Behold
your
Children
of
Time,
transformed
into
murderers.
I
made
the
Daleks,
Doctor.
You
made
this.”
Seems
like
some
things
carry
over
across
regeneration
into
different
incarnations!]
However
if
it’s
scary
you
want
from
this
episode
then
I
won’t
point
you
towards
that
scene.
Instead
I’ll
direct
you
towards
Gantok
being
eaten
alive
in
a
pit
of
carnivorous
skulls.
That’s
much
scarier
than
anything
you’ll
stare
at
in
Blink;
at
least
Weeping
Angels
are
usually
humane
when
they
kill
you.

The
final
few
scenes
are
all
about
fulfilling
the
promise
of
the
title:
The
Wedding
of
River
Song.
The
ceremony
is
a
quick
one,
over
in
a
minute,
as
the
Doctor
marries
River
there
and
then
atop
the
pyramid.
It’s
fast-­paced
dialogue
between
the
Doctor
and
River
and
the
chemistry
between
Smith
&
Kingston
has
never
been
more
electric
than
it
is
here.
Also
it’s
about
time
the
Eleventh’s signature
neckwear
had
some
use
besides
being
subjectively
cool?

DOCTOR:
River,
take
one
end
of
this.
Wrap
it
around
your
hand,
and
hold
it
out
to
me.
RIVER:
What
am
I
doing?
DOCTOR:
As
you're
told.
Now,
we're
in
the
middle
of
a
combat
zone,
so
we'll
have
to
do
the
quick
version.
Captain
Williams,
say
I
consent
and
gladly
give.
RORY:
To
what?
DOCTOR:
Just
say
it.
Please.
RORY:
I
consent
and
gladly
give.
DOCTOR:
Need
you
to
say
it
too,
mother
of
the
bride.
AMY:
I
consent
and
gladly
give.
DOCTOR:
Now
River,
I'm
about
to
whisper
something
in
your
ear,
and
you
have
to
remember
it
very,
very
carefully,
and
tell
no
one
what
I
said.
(He
whispers
something
very
short.)
DOCTOR:
I
just
told
you
my
name.
Now,
there
you
go,
River
Song.
Melody
Pond.
You're
the
woman
who
married
me.
And
wife,
I
have
a
request.
This
world
is
dying
and
it's
my
fault,
and
I
can't
bear
it
another
day.
Please,
help
me.
There
isn't
another
way.
RIVER:
Then
you
may
kiss
the
bride.
DOCTOR:
I'll
make
it
a
good
one.
RIVER:
You'd
better.
DOCTOR:
And
you
are
forgiven.
Always
and
completely
forgiven.

That’s
it,
time
is
restored
and
the
Doctor
is
dead.
Nobody
thought
Moffat
would
actually
do
it
but
he
jolly
well
did!
The
Doctor
is
dead,
cremated,
gone
forever;
he’s
never
coming
back
to
life.
Oh
wait,
he
is.
How
on
Earth
did
he
do
that???
Turns
out
that
not
only
did
Moffat
give
us
the
solution
over
a
month
in
advance
but
he
also
featured
it
prominently
within
the
episode
itself.
Hidden
in
plain
sight.
So
simple,
yet
so
subtle,
yet
so
effective
and
that’s
what
makes
it
all
so
good,
so
clever
and
proof
that
when
it
comes
down
to
it
Moffat
really
is
a
genius.
And
it’s
not
cheating
as
it
was
always
the
Teselecta
that
got
shot
on
the
beach.
The
fixed
point
was
unchanged
but
our
understanding
of
it
was
radically
wrong
before
now.

DOCTOR:
The
Teselecta.
A
Doctor
in
a
Doctor
suit.
Time
said
I
had
to
be
on
that
beach,
so
I
dressed
for
the
occasion.
Barely
got
singed
in
that
boat.
DORIUM:
So
you're
going
to
do
this?
Let
them
all
think
you're
dead?
DOCTOR:
It's
the
only
way,
then
they
can
all
forget
me.
I
got
too
big,
Dorium,
too
noisy.
Time
to
step
back
into
the
shadows.
DORIUM:
And
Doctor
Song,
in
prison
all
her
days?
DOCTOR:
Her
days,
yes.
Her
nights?
Well,
that's
between
her
and
me,
eh?

Well,
it
wouldn’t
be
a
River
Song
story
without
some
innuendo,
would
it?
I’d
say
Moffat
was
“Captain
of
the
Innuendo
Squad”
–
seriously
watch
the
two-­part
minisodes
First
Night/Last
Night
–
but
that
title’s
been
taken.

Of
course
the
Eleventh
Doctor
is
far
from
finished.
He’s
still
got
17
additional
stories
to
get
through
yet!
This
episode
is
great
in
many
ways,
as
I
hope
I
have
described,
but
the
greatest
success
here
is
how it
closes
the
book
on
the
mysteries
of
series
five
and
six
and
opens
up
just
as
many
questions
for
what’s
to
come.
The
Fields
Of
Trenzalore,
the
fall
of
the
Eleventh
and
the
question
“Doctor
who?”
which
will
all
come
to
a
head
in
2013’s
The
Name/Day/Time
of
the
Doctor
trilogy
that
finishes
off
Matt
Smith’s
time
as
the
Doctor.
Therefore
I
suggest
to
you
that
The
Wedding
of
River
Song
is
a
story
that
is
best
appreciated
within
its
wider
context
in
the
Smith
era
as
part
of
the
bigger
picture,
the
great
tapestry
of
events
taking
the
Eleventh
Doctor
from
Leadworth
to
Christmas
Town
and
everywhere
in
between.
I
think
that
people
remember
The Wedding Of River Song
so
poorly
because
there’s
so
many
unanswered
questions
it
raises
that
we
had
to
wait
for
the
answers
to,
but
now
that
we
know
these
things
I
suggest
you
give it
another
go.
This
is
a
story
filled
to
bursting
point
with
clever
sci-­‐fi
concepts,
witty quotable
dialogue
and
visuals
that are
a
sight
to
behold,
but
never
once
does
any
of
this
get
in
the
way
of
some
top
quality
non-­linear
storytelling. More
than
any
of
this though,
on
a
fundamental
level,
it’s
a
compelling
character-­driven
drama.
And
isn’t
that
last sentence
what
makes
Doctor
Who?

When he's not obsessing about Doctor Who whilst having I Am The Doctor play in his head, Dr. Moo can usually be found reading up on the latest in Quantum Physics. As you do when you're a physicist.

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