Growing up on a steady diet of Meat Loaf, Eurythmics & Roxy Music, my heavy metal credentials were finally cemented at a 1999 Celine Dion gig. Now, I spend most of my time abusing bands that suck, drinking until I puke & ruining songs on the karaoke.

My claims to fame are both numerous & majestic. I am the mastermind behind underground metal sensation Thrashputin, I built this very website with my own hands & once, I pooed off a pedalo whilst holidaying in Greece. If one were to sum me up in a single word, it would be “feculent”.