Captain Picard Knows Everybody at His Brooklyn Pharmacy

After commanding the starship Enterprise, Captain Picard settled down in Brooklyn, New York where he got to know the locals better than he probably knew his Starfleet crew on Star Trek: The Next Generation. And there’s one pharmacy in particular that Jean-Luc Picard decided was his favorite, even if it requires an extra warp factor to get there.

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“There are pharmacies much nearer to where I live,” he declares, “but I would not go anywhere else except this.” “This” is a narrow mom-and-pop shop, not a national chain, not even a local chain, filled with a hodgepodge of knickknacks and condoms and lip balms and lotions and, unfortunately, not Patrick Stewart’s prescription, which isn’t yet available for pickup. Stewart’s name comes rushing forth at him from the back of the establishment — “Patrick!” “ ‘Ey, Patrick!” “Hiya, Patrick!” — in a thick New Yawk deluge. If everyone were welcomed into stores this way, the entire economy would collapse because the only currency would be smiles.

A Brooklyn resident since 2012, Patrick Stewart doesn’t say “engage” or “make it so” in his neighborhood to get what he wants. Instead, if Stewart is trying to assimilate New York City into his own Borg Collective, it seems like his Prime Directive is to make everyone around him happier than they were before. Is anyone surprised?