Jimmy Carr's Tax Return: 10 Jokes to Rescue His Comedy Career

Poor Jimmy Carr. The media and politicans have got out their pitchforks and torches and are threatening to put his lucrative career on the chopping block for his "morally wrong" use of a "very dodgy" off-shore scheme to pay as little as one percent income tax.

Is the acerbic funnyman now finished as a comedian? Can he still mock others when he has become such a morally bankrupt figure of derision? WIll he end his days playing the Alambraha Bar at Butlins holiday camp, Skegness?

At IBTimes UK we believe all is not lost; his career can still be revived with some new material minted from his media mauling.

We ferreted out our old gag book and have come up with some 10 great (tax free) gags to turn Jimmy's frown upside down, hang on to that £8.5m London house and once again get him laughing all the way to the bank.

1) "The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of the prison wall!"

2) "No wonder they call them tax returns - 99 percent of mine does!"

3) "Question: What does a duck and a taxman have in common? Jimmy Carr: They can both stick their bills up their ar** !"

4) Taxman: "The position is that if I don't have one thousand pounds fromyou soon, you're going to jail."Jimmy Carr: "Now you're talking. Here's one thousand pounds inused notes."Taxman: "Let me give you a receipt."Jimmy Carr: "What, a thousand quid in cash and you're going to put it through the books?"

5) "Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money!"

6) "The way the cost of living and taxes are today, you might as well marry for love!" (Jimmy Carr lives with long-term partner Karoline Copping but has yet to wed)

7) "Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply hasn't lived a mansion with a games room and a home cinema and driven an £80,000 Range Rover" (according to the Daily Mail)

8)Jimmy Carr goes to the doctor."Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?"."Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor."How's that going to help me?", asks Jimmy Carr."I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief."

9) Question: "What are the most imaginative works of fiction being written in the UK today?" Jimmy Carr: "My Income Tax return!"

10) "The great American humourist Mark Twain once said: 'The Only Two Certainties In Life Are Death And Taxes' - but then he never had heard of the K2 tax shelter that involves an individual resigning from his company and subsequent salary payments are made to an offshore Jersey trust, enabling the individual to enjoy tax rates as low as one per cent - Boom!!, Boom!!"