From mud huts, umqomboti and straightback to penthouses, expensive weaves and moet!

Y.E.S 68

With all the things that had been happening, with me trying to get my head around everything, all the bad luck and

the close calls I had gotten, this was the wisest thing for me. I am not a child, let’s start there. I was not being impulsive nor was I being naïve as to what this could mean for me. You think I don’t know that people look down and shame people who receive callings. I know this very well but one thing I will never be is white. I can get a hundred degrees, a billion rand but to a white man I will always be black so why must I now hide behind Christianity and western education when all the signs were there? How could I do that?

“I don’t know what to do aunty; I am tired of being afraid!”

I told her and its true I was tired. You can’t live your life wondering when the next mishap is going to happen and that was me right now. My aunty much as I did not know her was the closest thing I had to a second mom as she was my mother’s flesh and blood. I don’t think she was trying to harm me or send me down a path of self destruction. I needed her help.

“You know that the rest of the family won’t accept this. Our family grew up in the church and I am the one who broke that tradition.”

She started to explain our history. I had not noticed that she had made quite a spread and it was on my second serving that I asked her,

“Who is all this food for?”

I asked her.

“I told you I knew you were coming and this is like your party!”

She said and she laughed. The one thing that stood out and I must emphasize this; I could literally feel myself be at peace. I had been this entire ball of emotions for so long and in that moment I swear there was calm inside me. It’s like she was talking to my soul. I was starting to relax around her and mind you I barely knew this woman.

“There is a check list of things that you need to get before you go for the ceremony!”

She said. I felt like it was bombshell.

“There is going to be a ceremony?”

I asked her incredulously. I won’t lie I was naïve enough to think that she was going to do it on her own privately just the two of us you know, this way it will be hush hush.

“Yes there is a ceremony in which you accept the calling and people know that you are now a mouth piece of the ancestors!”

She said and honestly my heart froze. Ok fine if I say it froze I would be dead but time stood still rather. Eish, I had wanted for people not to know about this. Was this the finding peace with myself I needed to do?

“You know what, you need to go out and find peace within yourself. This is not something you do for popularity sake. Much as you have plans for yourself the ancestors have plans for you too. Something somewhere somehow will have to give.”

She explains when she realized that I was very reluctant to go through the ceremony when I realized it could be a public event. Obviously I was unclear and maybe I thought I was too clever for it I don’t know but this woman could read my mind. It was not a hostile environment I was actually quite happy getting this off my chest so maybe the peace I thought I had found was that.

“Let me explain, basically once you get the calling there is a certain place where you nurture you ancestors. You will have a mentor and before you ask, I will not be your mentor.”

Ah ah ah wa bona ke! Now she wanted to give me off to someone else. Was I ready for this?

“Your mentor is called uGobela and the place you go to twasa is called Ephlweni!”

I noticed how she was not speaking to me in Zulu but in English. Is this the kind of pressure modern kids put o our parents to conform.

“But why can’t you do it? I mean you can see I am nervous enough as it is?”

I pleaded with her but she just smiled.

“Go home. All these things don’t happen in a day.”

She advised. I won’t lie when I drove here I was not sure what to expect but much as I was relieved I came I was still confused. With my education was I really able to embrace what she was asking of me?

“Did you really know I was coming though?”

I asked her trying to lighten the mood eating some cake now. She had prepared for me and seeing that no one else was coming she knew her stuff.

“You will be doing this one day!”

She said. I stayed an hour longer before I left. I was actually so stretched. I had to either go home to check on Mbuso or to my mother who was waiting for me. Must be the devil in me, I chose Mbuso. There really was something preventing me from wanting to be with my mum. I called her as it was already getting late but she did not pick up. It was not too late there, just before 8 to be exact. When I got to my place I noticed that the light at Mbuso’s place was on. I think it was only polite that I see them today as they had called me in a time of crisis. I took my bags to my place and made sure I took the gun out with me. There was no way I was living that in my car.

I walked over next door. See what’s wrong with dating a neighbour. It’s convenient yes but there is no sense of mystery. It feels like primary school dating. In a fight if one gets angry at no matter what time of the night literally you can threaten to walk home.

“Aunty Lungi!”

Ntheteng said running to me when I knocked. She was so happy she jumped into my arms.

“Daddy, look who is here! I told you she will be back!”

She started to explain.

“Indeed you did! She has been talking about you all day thank God you came I was running out of excuses as to why you were not here!”

He said getting up from his couch.

“I was at a funeral whilst you were too busy trying to leave us! What’s up with that? How are you feeling?”

I asked him teasing him.

“I know I know. The doc has already drilled it into me that I need to take care of myself a little better!”

He explained.

“That’s why am taking care of you daddy! That’s what am here for. Can I get you some water?”

Ntheteng asked sweetly and also putting on a show for me to show how good she was. Kids, you got to love them.

“No thanks dear. Give aunty Lungi and me a chance to talk. I will call you when we are done ok?”

He asked his little daughter.

“Ahhhh man! Must I really daddy?”

She asked disappointed. Ntheteng loved spending time with me I don’t know why.

“Yes dear!”

He responded.

“But before I go can I ask her?”

She asked her father but I responded first.

“Ask me what?”

I was curious and I was not going to let him cut her off as he always so expertly does.

“Tomorrow there is a party at that girl’s house, remember the one we met having ice cream but the mommies have to be there too. I can’t be dropped off and be left there. She already knows you as my mommy, I talk about you all the time so can we please go? Please!”

She asked me sweetly. Ok maybe I should not have allowed her to ask. I looked at Mbuso and he looked down a bit embarrassed.

“You said she could ask!”

He said to me.

“I did didn’t I!”

Tomorrow I wanted to go see my mum ad what if the Sangoma things did not allow me to bond with a child.

She said and I burst out laughing. It just came out I didn’t meant it but it did. Mbuso was not impressed.

‘Ntheteng that’s enough. Go to your room!”

He said not impressed at all Shem. Poor man. Even his child could see I was better than that pretender.

“I will go with you if your daddy doesn’t ground you!’

I told her as she walked off.

“Yippeee!”

She said jumping up I excitement as she walked off. I was left with a red faced Mbuso.

“Don’t be mad at her, she just being a child, you know how kids can smell a fake!”

I said with a bit of sting in me. I had not sat down by the way which is rude I believe. I heard keys in the door as someone was opening from the outside. I turned to see who it was.

“Sorry guys I took longer than I thought!”

The fuck! It was the doctor! I didn’t mean to say it out loud but it just came out!

“She has a key?”

And loudly too!

The fuck!

*******The End*******

Dear Mike

Thank you for reading my letter and thank you for the books. They are so entertaining and educative.

I am 37 years old and I have been married to my husband for 7 years now. We have been together for ten years now. To be honest our relationship was not perfect when we started and even when we married it was probably because I got pregnant. He chose to do the right thing I guess and next thing I was his wife. The last two years something changed. He became the perfect husband, no more fighting; he stopped drinking and cut down on toxic friends. He is currently building us a house and the world is beautiful in that respect. I see him as a husband and as a friend. The problem is recently (as of two weeks ago) I found out that he fathered another child about 3 years ago. The woman called me directly to tell me this. She said he had not been to see their daughter in over a year even though he was sending money. She wanted to plead with me woman to woman to allow him to go see her. I did not even know they existed. I was so angry and hurt; I still am because that means he not only cheated but also put my health at risk ask we do not use condoms. If she got pregnant that means they did not either. I packed my things and went to my sisters. He came after us begging and said we must come back home but I can’t. I love him but I can’t get myself to go ‘home’ and everything be normal. He has worked hard to becoming a good husband but this betrayal is heavy on me.

Polokwane, This man changed after having fathered another child and he has been a great husband and has shown loyalty to you like he never did before, but the fact remains, he cheated. So if you think as a woman, as a mother you would be fine with allowing him to be a dad to his child of sin, if you can forgive him without holding a grudge and always reminding him of his great infidelity, if you can get over this and move on then go back home to your husband. If you doubt any of these things nana you better prepare yourself for divorce because there is no turning back from this, there is a child involved.

Just know that nyatsi ya teng might be sleeping in your bed, owning the house that your dear husband is busy building for you and instead of you being the wife and main chick, you could be the ex and side chick to the chick that bricked or rather Bonang’d you. Where are you levels measured at dear Polo?

That’s a really tough one sisi but just like anyone who’s pro Marriage I wud say go home,coz like u said your marriage wasn’t perfect from the start (that’s no excuse to cheat) & u felt that he married u coz he felt like its the “Right thing” but like u said he has really tried to be a better husband in recent years so mna I say go home speak to your husband let him know how u feel about his betrayal,let him know how finding out from the other woman made u feel,shout,scream at him,be angry at him and even 1 klap…lol..lol..would do but do anything that will make u feel a bit better but please communicate your feelings n if he’s really sorry he will make sure that u see it and 10 years of marriage is not easy to let go and goodluck.

Polokwane dear…you have been able to live with this man for 5 years and kept up with all his nonsens and two years later he turns on a new leaf and you could’nt be happier until nyatsi decides to come out of the cave… do you not at least suspect that this is what she wanted all along, you out of the way so she can be the main, I mean not even the courts can force a father to have a relationship with the child so long as he supports her…

Polokwane life is just rough, you have 2 issues at hand. The emotional betrayal and then the enemy. She called you to set you up and you exploded. She knew the only way to get your husband attention is to drift you apart. Remember the classic war rule: Divide and Rule. The girl hasn’t been getting attention from your husband and your husband has been responsible in maintaining the child. So what you actually doing is taking your home and giving it up to her. a perfect and classic self destruct move, she calls you ruffles you up and you explode leave your husband and your home guess who wants to move in?

The emotional betrayal you need to address it with him, you need to be angry at him however be angry at home at your own house and space. Your sister shouldn’t even house you because now you venting to the wrong person and making matters worse for you and your child.

Going home is not accepting defeat, its you facing your life challenge head on and its you not allowing a third person play you like that. Yes you hurt and you are violated and stubbed but don’t let the other one win at your cost and foolish decision. Fight in your own house stay in your own house

Polokwane, I think there is some element of truth in Jackzorro’s advise. If you go back and you know that you will not be able to forgive him and you hold a grudge then you need to think long and hard about going back to your home (but give yourself sometime, forgiveness is not something that happens over night. But you make a decision to make your marriage work and work through this with your husband). Communication is key. Talk to your husband mntaka dad, dont bottle anything in, dont assume he knows how much he betrayed you.

I just hope you wont ask him to choose between you and the child he has out of wedlock or forbid him to see his child because at the end of the day, child is innocent whether we like it or not.

I was actually expecting Lungi to find the Doctor there when she arrived, but lets see…

Polokwane shame, life is such a difficult thing hey, your world changes in just one moment. I dont have any advice sham, just feel your pain. Because as much as people can say just go back, and I am not sure I disagree with them, it seems you will be blamed for your marriage falling apart if it does, and the way people are quick to say go back, its obvious that the one thing that is a total no no in marriage, has become so common that people expect it to not even cause a stir. What kind of society are we continuing to build, I say continuing because I know my generation or my great grandmother `s for that matter, did not start it, where people can cheat and make babies and we are expected to just stay under the same roof just to keep the other lady from moving in? Should people who are getting married then expect that there will definitely be infedility? Its really sad this marriage thing. Polokwane I wish you peace and strength and that you calm yourself enough to make a wise decision. You were unhappy for five years, do not continue to be unhappy for the rest of your life. Whatever decision you take, let it make you happy in the long run, you deserve that at least

The plot is thickening nicely. I like!
@Polokwane, marriage, life itself is a calculated gamble sometimes. I know emotions take over in women but wear yo thinking cap now. Think about yo kids more than yoself here.
Whatever decision U make, yo kid(s) shud not lose out on the house that the father is built. If U want the relationship to take a break or carry on or divorce him, don’t lose the house. 10yrs has earned U that.
Time to focus & calculate yo moves. Bcz the new baby mama in the picture is just a few steps from winning if U just give up.

And there it is. That goose bump feeling you get once you engulf yourself in the words of a book. When you can feel the character’s feelings and escape to be the character. This is it bhuti Mike. I’ve been waiting for it. Thank you bhuti. I cannot wait to reread all your stories on paper one day.

To the lady who wrote the letter: I know nothing of marriage so I will not speak of it. I do however know a bit on decision making and happiness and finding out what is enough for oneself. Your husband loved you, yes. He became the man you wanted after his infedility and did things right. But! He was not doing you a favour by being a decent human being. Ladies, when he is everything you want, being a decent human being, changing for the better he is not doing you a favour that needs to be rewarded and given the benefit of the doubt. What benefit do you get? When he was unfaithful and putting your health at risk and subsequently neglecting his daughter to be a ‘better husband’, he was not doing you a favour. Before you make any decision think on this: If I make a choice, that choice will be mine to make, it will affect me first. I may consider my choice’s impact on other people in my life or make it for them. This fact still remains: that choice will affect me first, for however long I will make it and stick to it. Make your choice wisely. Happiness is neither earned or out there laying in another person waiting for you to pick it up or be given. You make your own happiness. In this cruel whirlwind of life, you have to make your own happiness because it will never just come. Find it, through your marriage, through your divorce, through raising your kids, through coperenting, through forgiveness, through rebuilding, through living. I wish you well.

Don’t you think your husband became nice to you so when you do find out…you do not became very mad. My guess is your husband was only acting nice as a calculated move. He knew the risks and now you seem to be the enemy for actually being angry and all the emotions of the mistreatment resurfacing.

Lol. Anyone else notice how Jackzorro will cuss a cheating woman the Fuck out, but when it’s a male (who impregnated someone who is not his wife) the advice is always more sympathetic? BULLSHIT. 😂

@PLK He has a WHOLE child with another woman! This happened during your marriage! He didn’t even have the decency to tell you about it? Now imagine if that lady didn’t call you, would he have ever told you? Makes you wonder what else he’s been hiding. But if you feel like you can’t live without him, sort your problems out and make him earn your trust! Otherwise, I personally say move on, I’ve seen this too many times they never change it becomes a cycle and the lies just better. Good luck.

Polokwane. Men dont like mind games. Have a one on one talk with him aand go back home. If you can’t please give him to me. I will treat him very well and give him the dignity and respect he deserves. Some of us have been out in the cold for so long. All we need is a good man