No, seriously. Aside from die-hard Laker fans (…and even some of them slick resent his ass), nobody likes this dude.

He is, however, great. And greatness, like most things, is relative to the arena in question. Whether a person is one of the fastest package handlers at FedEx Ground, or one of the greatest athletes on earth. There’s something to be said about, and learned about, a great person. Like how to deal with intense opposition. And opposition is where the relativity of greatness stops. Nobody really gives a fu*k if you’re the fastest package handler at FedEx Ground…but if you’re an elite athlete in THIS millennium, all of the sudden you’re greatness attracts…detractors.

The Kobe-hate is personal. When I look at Facebook and Twitter sometimes, I really think some people would do harm to Kobe if they saw him on the streets. I’m not even really sure why people hate Kobe so much. Aside from his on-the-court play, nothing about him strikes me as extraordinary. But people hate Kobe…with a passion. It cuts deeper than basketball too. Folk really cannot STAND Kobe. I just don’t get it though.

Here are my theories why people hate Kobe so much:

1- The Dry Snitch Heard ‘Round the World. Kobe is the poster-child for dry snitching. According the The LA Times, Kobe told officers (while being investigated for the whole ass-raping thing) that he should have “just followed Shaq’s example and just paid women to not say anything” AND “…that Shaq had already spent over a million dollars” keeping these heaux quiet. Hol up…now I’m not in favor of the whole ‘Stop Snitching’ movement when it comes to not exposing violent crimes (or any crimes that hurt the community)…but Kobe snitched on Shaq and his sideline heaux, in which case ‘Stop Snitching’ does apply. Niggas, understandably, hate ANY type of snitching because of the code they live by on the streets. Understandable. But we ALL have somebody that we know and love that has probably snitched. A tell-tale sign is if you know someone that has been involved in illegal activity for more than 5+ years and has never really done ANY time for real…they’ve probably snitched. As you think of you’re friends and relatives that YOU know live a life of crime, and think about the 1 or 2 that haven’t done ANY time, that becomes a very tough pill to swallow. Hood-truth: The system is set-up for you to do some sort of time (especially if you’re involved in narcotics). It just is. But if you can love your snitchin ass cousin, why can’t you get over Kobe? [Note: you niggas watch First 48…ya’ll know it goes down everyday] I just don’t get it.

2- Kobe Fatigue. With the exception of those puppet commercials…niggas pretty much hate everything about Kobe. Kobe doesn’t even get talked about in terms of “how I like the other team/player”…it’s always how “I hate Kobe”, or how “I want Kobe to loose”, or better yet “Anybody BUT Kobe”. There’s a series of commercials that feature Kobe with other legends, and for the better part of 15 years he has been basically everywhere (with a brief break for the whole ass-raping thing). There are some people who hate Kobe simply because they’re tired of his ass. Here’s the thing though. Kobe isn’t the most exposed athlete, or even the most exposed figure in the media. We could argue that Jay-Z and Beyonce are 10X more exposed in the media than Kobe. And their exposure actually hurts other artists who aren’t affiliated with them. The more we see “Jayonce”, the less we can possibly see of other artists thus taking away from precious marketing time/exposure. The more we hear them on the radio/videos (Beyonce especially) the less spin other artists get. Kobe just plays basketball, and RARELY does he do a commercial by himself. Shit, and he’s not stopping anybody’s shine…at the time of publishing this blog, the Lakers are down 3-2 against the Celtics in the Championship. If you can be all “Crazy in Love”, or still nod your head to “Empire State of Mind” after 13 gazillion times…you can get over a few Kobe commercials. I just don’t get it.

3- The Asshole Factor. This one kind of confuses me. American society, in general, has a love-hate relationship with jerks, especially of the more arrogant variety. We make note of their jerkiness, while subtly giving them a pass as long as they continue to perform. Kobe Bryant, love him or hate him, will go down in history as arguably the greatest basketball player of all time. That being said: Kobe isn’t even a bigger asshole as the current consensus G.O.A.T….Michael Jordan. Funny thing is, you wouldn’t even really know Mike was an asshole unless you’ve ever: a) met him in person, drunk as hell and talking loud (which I have), or b) saw his NBA Hall of Fame acceptance speech (which I did) where he slick talked BAD about everybody, even people who helped him along in his career. Asshole move. But hey, it’s Mike, he’s the man *extends his Airness a pass*. Kobe get’s no such pass. Funny thing is…aside from the Dry Snitch Heard ‘Round the World, we’ve never really heard Kobe say shit about anything but basketball. He does his mandatory interviews, kisses his wife & kids, and keeps it movin’. Sure he complains about calls, but working the refs (for team leaders and coaches) is PART OF THE GAME. And apparently, he has some sort of mythical asshole swag, similar to the “ora” that surrounded Rick James. Either way…if you’re reading this blog, you probably have an asshole in your life that you love dearly. Why not Kobe? I just don’t get it.

4- Michael Jordan: There is a LARGE constituency of Kobe-haters that are dead-set on undermining this man’s career, skills, and accomplishments. Furthermore, any comparison to Michael Jordan is forbidden. Although Mike never snitched on anybody, for two of the three previous reasons…Mike has Kobe faded (pun intended). Michael Jordan is the most media saturated athlete ever. Period. THAT dude was literally everywhere, solo. And he’s, by most accounts, a HUGE asshole in person. But, like we said…Mike gets a pass where Kobe does not. Add to that…although Kobe will amass more numbers because he’ll have a longer career, his average numbers in just about every category will probably be lower than MJ’s. So we’ll essentially have Kobe scoring more than Mike, but averaging less. So unless Kobe out-championships Mike, Jordan is the man on paper. But it’s not all about numbers, it can’t be, if that were the case Wilt Chamberlain would be considered the best and we’d be done with it. But since Kobe patterned his game after Mike (which by the way was a BRILLIANT idea), somehow he draws resentment. What kid who grew up in the 90’s DIDN’T want to be Michael Jordan? Kobe just had enough talent and physical ability to come close. I just don’t get it.

5- Laker Fans. I may be one of the few people that hates the Lakers, but likes Kobe. I hate the Lakers because being from the Chicago area and a die-hard Bulls fan that suffered through the heartbreaking losses to the Pistons in the Eastern Conference finals; a blown call that robbed Pippen of a solo shot at the Finals against the Knicks; and the post-MJ “The Tony Kukoc era”, “The Elton Brand/Ron Artest era”, “The Jamal Crawford era”, and about 3-4 other “eras” before the Bulls put another solid team on the floor…while the Lakers were winning titles and being all competitive and shit, I hate them dudes. Not only are they hated because of their team on the court; Laker fans are assholes. Maybe fans of ultra successful franchises are all assholes, because Yankee’s fans & Cowboy’s fans are assholes too. That being said. No other franchise with asshole fans generate as much hate for their superstar as the Laker faithful. People don’t hate Derek Jeter or A-Rod (and dude got popped with steroids); people don’t hate Emmit Smith and Michael Irvin (and dude got popped with heaux and cocaine…more than once, and he wears sus suits)…but they hate Kobe and will use his fans to justify it. I just don’t get it.

In some ways we can make a good case that Kobe is just a random personality-less athlete. In a lot of ways, he’s no different from any other athlete, entertainer, or person. But I know that won’t stop the hate, for whatever reason.

Feel free to add any of your conspiracy theories on why people (…or just why you) hate Kobe.