"O God, I could be bounded in a nut shell and count myself
a king of infinite space,
were it not that I have bad dreams."
- Hamlet
Act II scene ii

22 May 2007

Ordinariness

I seem to have got out of the habit of trying to convey something of the ordinary detail of my life. Some bloggers are brilliant at this. Humorous and self-deprecating, they find stories in the mundanity of everyday living. I like that. Me? Just recently I have been drawn to newsworthy matters well outside myself – Madeleine, Darfur, Kentucky Fried Chicken v The Tan Hill Inn etc.. It’s time, I think, to get back to the ordinary stuff.

Well last night Mick the warehouseman and I were up at “The Prince of Wales” tackling the Monday night quiz. Our other buddy – Mike - was notable because of his absence. He might have known the fifth club that Alan Ball played for – it was of course Bristol Rovers! Suffice to say we didn’t win but the new landlady who keeps touching my arm and calling me “flower” said she’d give a prize for the best team name. For the second week running, we won! Last week it was “Rebecca’s Wreckers” after the new landlady herself and this week it was “The Ember Members” because “The Prince” is now part of the Ember Inn chain. The prize was some Argentinian red wine.

Google Image Search - "Ordinariness"

Our garden is looking good. I tamed it at the weekend, hairdressing two hundred feet of privet hedge with my lethal JCB hedge trimmer. Then it was pruning and sweeping up, cutting the bottom lawn, making a bonfire. I love that knackered feeling after hours of physical work. So different from the tiredness that overwhelms you after days of working with adolescent “scholars” (ha!) - many from deprived council estates and broken homes. And oh lovely – I learnt at 5pm today that the dreaded OFSTED inspectors will be coming to call on my department in mid-June. The slime-balls with their travel claim forms, hotel receipts and superior attitudes – if you’re so goddam clever why don’t you get in that classroom and show us how it’s done! But of course they don’t.

Physically, I have always been outrageously fit and healthy. I have never missed a day off work for illness in thirty years. Can you believe it? Thirty bloody years and not one solitary “sickie”. I have soldiered on even when my body has screamed “Stay home you stupid git!” But just lately time has threatened to catch up on me. I have longterm toothache in spite of the expensive interventions of three useless dentists. Somehow I have damaged my knee – unless it’s just wear and tear. The other week I was limping like a twat and I can still feel the bugger now. As a consequence, I have stopped bounding up three stairs at a time like a twelve year old. And then there’s the cold sore at the corner of my mouth that refuses to heal and oh, my eyesight – I refuse to wear glasses but sometimes the words on the page blur as if they are under water. Fortunately the gout in my left big toe has disappeared but for how long? I am starting to feel like a Ford Mondeo that’s done 150,000 miles and is ready for an engine change. Thank God the two most important parts of my anatomy are still working fine.

I am reading “The Book of Dave” by Will Self at the moment. Just getting towards the end. It is a very challenging read as it moves between the here and now of London taxi driver Dave Rudman and a far off future where people have a new god called Dave whose taxi driver philosophy guides their lives. It is very weird indeed. Well that was that. I hope this post has been ordinary enough for you… zzzzzzz!

Congrats on the prize. As for your health: while I tend to be a "go to the doctor and get a prescription" - type, I understand that it's not all it's cracked up to be. While the knee may just very well be what you've convinced yourself of, it would be good to have looked at. The gout bothers me, though. That is a sign of kidney troubles, sometimes other organ troubles. If the media isn't too totally far off, I understand you Brits are sometimes in the mind for a high colonic. While it's not the cure-all, it could help. What about other holistic-type measures? A juice/bread/vitamin fast for a few days? Accupressure or accupuncture? Herbs (pronounced with a silent H, of course)? Now, lastly, for the eyes - if you let them go on, you will only make them worse. I believe you'd look distinguished with glasses. If you hate them, though, contacts are just as cheap, now. Take care of yourself!

over here everyone calls you 'deary', urgh. as for aches & pains, it could just be the damp? l Sympathise with dentist, mine is f****** crap & l can't change because there are no vacances with any dentist in this area. l might just have to try Poleland.

MOPSA - Yes it is weird what Google Image Search will sometimes throw up - appearing quite disconnected from the search terms.JULIE - There's nothing wrong with ordinary - see the Shakespeare quote at the top of my blog.DOCTOR FRIDAY - I guess I'm like many men - somehow considering it weak or soppy to seek medical opinion or help. "Soldier On" could be my life motto but I appreciate your practical advice anyway. Maybe I will think about it.JENNYTA - Obviously the two body parts are my brain and my heart. What were you thinking? Cheeky mare!MUDDYBOOTS - Living on a farm theme park I thought you could try your vet for dentistry.MUTTERINGS & MEANDERINGS Like Julie said - Ordinary is good. Sometimes I have ideas above my station. If we just learn to treasure ordinary life and see it clearly wec have no need of the extraordinary because it is actually right there in front of us.

When you've quite finished, I think you will find that in fact it is anything BUT ordinary.

What's ordinary to you isn't ordinary to the people that read it.

I much prefer "ordinary" to regurgitated and polarised news clippings.

I also wanted to know about those parts of your anatomy.... I guessed they were your eyes for some strange reason - not realising that they'd be pretty effing useless without your brain and heart!! I think it was cos you immediately went on to talk about books??

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.