at one point in my life, i was, by all definitions, a little goody two shoes. "i would never do that," rolled off my condescending tongue so easily you couldn't not believe me, even if you tried. after all, i even believed myself. that is, until i did that. and this. and a little more that. and pretty soon, i found myself in a desert place with a thousand "i'd never do thats" already done and more dirt on my soul than i ever expected to deal with.

how did i get there? i was a good girl. i knew wrong from right, and i prided myself (key mistake) on consistently choosing the latter. i followed the rules and went to church and made the right friends. i even read my Bible every once in a while for good measure. but my faith was shallow and my naive little heart made two vital mistakes: 1. i gave myself too much credit "peter declared, 'even if i have to die with you, i will never disown you.'" matthew 26:35just like peter, i honestly believed there were certain mistakes i wasn't capable of making. and just like peter, i was wrong. i am capable of doing every wrong thing a person can do. inside this recovering good girl is a lying, cheating, gossiping, thieving, murdering, rapist. when measured against the holiness of God, a sin, is a sin, is a sin; it doesn't matter where our weaknesses lie, we have fallen short of the glory of our King, and we need His love and His forgiveness and His grace. the assumption that i was somehow immune to certain temptations gave satan a perfect entry into my life: i went places i didn't belong, dated people i shouldn't have dated, and made little choices that led to big, fat mistakes. when i thought i was strong, i was weak; it wasn't until i realized my weakness that i found strength in Jesus. 2.i didn't understand my worth in Christ"yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God."john 1:12 so many of my decisions (and consequent pain) would have been avoided had i understood the difference between believing in God and living as His child. i knew He existed; i even talked to Him sometimes. i thanked Him for food and asked Him for help on tests. i cried to Him when things didn't go my way, and i pretended to rely on Him through seasons of loss and times of sadness. but when i wanted to feel loved, i ran to the world. when i wanted to feel beauitful, i ran to the world. when i realized i had no clue who i was at all, i ran to the world. and the world opened it's wide arms and engulfed me in a suffocating lie: it could complete me. i realize now that nothing the world offers can validate me. i will never find peace or healing or wholeness outside the love of Christ, and He wants, more than anything, to give me all of that and more. He loves me. He thinks I am beautiful. He knows who i was created to be because i was fearfully and wonderfully made by Him. His arms are opened wide, but, unlike the world's, they are open with truth: i am a daughter of the King, and in Him i am complete. after peter realized he had done exactly what he believed he would never do, he cried, and not just a few tears. in fact, the Bible says he "went outside and wept bitterly." the truth is, i have been there. i have wept bitterly over things i honestly thought i would never do. i have experienced guilt, shame, sorrow, regret, and disappointment in such heavy doses my stomach still turns when i think back on it. i've realized now there is no such thing as a good girl. i wasn't one when i was younger and i'm not one now. but i am a God girl. and just like peter, i'm forgiven. your turn!have you been surprised by the things you are capable of doing? God's not! He sees the parts of our hearts we don't even know exist, and He already paid the price for them. He's not mad at you or disappointed in you; He's longing for a relationship with you! verses and references"peter declared, 'even if i have to die with you, i will never disown you.'" matthew 26:35

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." romans 3:23"yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." john 1:12

"i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made." psalm 139:14"immediately a rooster crowed. then peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” and he went outside and wept bitterly." matthew 26:74-7

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