~ miss lucy red

It are Thanks-givey! This a day we say ‘thank you’ to all the friends the fam-lee the Fat Pipers in our life. We say thank for have food in our bellehs, thank for warm blanket, thank for negroni cocktail which are mah fav-o-rit (just kid I never have ever dranked that!), and thank for BarkBox that come in the mail every month.

But day before Thanks-givey are jus as portant. Why this portant? Cause we gotta get ready for have fam-lee over for speshul day!!! We are have Thanks-givey at Grandma Grandpa house every year, so I go over there to help!

First thing are get Thanks-givey baff and this WORST. This such a big suck and I hear that Fat Piper not got ANY BAFF since she been 8 year old and I’m like THIS NOT FAIR but I does it anyway cause Mommy says I got to. She say, “Lucy smell so pretty, fur so shine.” I’m like, “Ugh Mommy this the worst.”

Next we are maek gross-ery list. This a list for wut to buy at store. Grandpa say, “Lucy, look this milk empty. Do we need milk?” and I’m like, “YUP LOOK LIKE IT GRANDPA, PUT IT ON OUR LIST.” I so helpful.

When we get our gross-ery, we must inspek the gred-ients to make shure we got all the right stuff. This look like we are maek a punkin pie! Look like right gred-ients to me, Grandma!

Better taste test it jus to be shure though.

After maek a pie (we maek FOUR PIE), you gotta clean ups after yourself. So we put away the mixer in the cabby-net.

Then it are tiem to vack-yoom. This a scary masheen that maek sound I do not like, but I know how portent it are to maek the floor pretty, so I does it anyway.

Then I help fold lon-dree! Obv I do this with Mommy at home all the time so I kwite good at this in par-tic-lar and I do a fab-u-lus job. Look such straight pile. Look so organize.

At this time I mus return to the cooking and check mah turkey! Can’t have Thanks-givey without turkey! Gotta maek sure it are right temp-a-chure. Maek sure it un-frosting. Maek sure it are delishus. (Just kid, I not get to lick it yet.)

Finally, I even helps with the dust, even though it are maek mah nose itch and I sneeze. No, I did not eat the Snicker wrapper that you see by mah toe. It were jus there on the floor.

At last, all mah chores done! House all ready. Foods all ready. We all ready to have Thanks-givey at Grandma Grandpa house! Now it are tiem for me to wait. This the hardest part. Hope you all have great Thanks-givey mah friends!!

Hi friends! I know I not be write in mah storyblog a lot lately. I been busy. Been have lots of moshuns. I will try to post more. Today I want to share mah Thursday with you!

When I were little baby, Mommy get me shirt that say ‘rescued and love it!’ It were so cute. I look much cute in it, so nice, fit jus perfect.

Don’t laff, I were fall in this pickshure. Not shure why. Always fall a lot as baby, very klutz, not have grace and dainty like I do now. But you can see how cute I were! Shirt fit me so very best!

Well, now I five year old. Not baby no more. So grownd up that I are help Mommy do a de-clutter pro-jek in our house. Today we work on closet! We find mah old t-shirt!!!! I so excite, I say, “Mommy Mommy put mah shirt on me I love it!”

Well. It not fit. It fit like scarf. I’m like, ‘this use to fit! Use to fit perfect!’ And now I so grownd up that I grownd out of shirt!!!! I’m like… maebe are I FAT!?!? Are this wut FAT feel like?!?!?

But Mommy say, “No Lucy, you not fat, you jus get grownd up. Gotta get new shirts for big girls.” So everything okay. And she promise we can keep mah old shirt forevers for mem-ree. So now I feel better, and I can tells you all bout it. Bye mah friends! I tell you more story soon!!

Hi friends. It Piper here. I jus wants tell you all, I’m real sick. Mah back legs, we all knows they don’t work so good. They not workin so good right now. And mah belly, it not feelin so good. So I only likes to eat real delishus chikins right now.

Mah seester come visit today. I can nots get up real well to play, but I sit so nicely for pets and we hug and talk and have great time.

I jus wants everyone know. I real sick, but I still happy. I got best fam-lee, even Big Noggin Bad Loo-cee, and I still real happy. So don’t you worries none bout me.

Hi mah friends! Today, Lucy gonna tells you bout how I were helpful, bout how I maek a thing with Mommy Daddy!

Sometime, it very portant to maek Things. Things keep your house clean. Things help you put away other things! The Thing we maek come from the KEA.

First thing you gotta do, you gotta take all the parts out of the box of the Thing. Well, first Mommy go the KEA and pick your Thing up, then Daddy bring it in the house, but THEN you take all the parts out of the box.

Sometime you take out all the parts and you go ‘OH MAH THERE SO MANY PARTS TO MAKE THIS THING’ but that normal. That wut happen to us all when we maek a Thing.

Next, gotta set out all the parts in order. It good to inspek all the parts once you put them on the floor. Maybe you take a couple lick of the parts, jus to maek sure.

This use-ly when I look at struck-shuns. These struck-shuns have pickshures. And the pickshures show you how to put the Thing together! Verruh portant to read the struck-shuns.

You gotta move all the parts to the right places! Only one part go in every place, so you gotta do it right!

Then maybe you take a nap for a minit. Jus a minit. Jus acause this such hard work.

This when you tell your Daddy he gotta help, that you gots a job for him. You let him know this such hard work, and he will help. This maeks Daddys feel very portant, and that maek them happy. Daddys need jobs to do, this a thing I know for shure.

You gotta keep walking around and sniffing the parts of your Thing. If you don’t, they could sneak off and you would lose them!

Sometime, you put a part in a wrong place! And it jus maek you go ‘OH NO WUT LUCY DID HERE THIS ARE NOT AT ALL LOOK RIGHT!’

So then course it back to the struck-shuns. Gotta see where you maek your mis-take. Gotta fix your mis-take like the pickshure shows.

You mus check real careful this time so you don’ts maek that same mis-take again. Sometimes you gotta take screw out, put other screw in, move board, turn board around. It lots of work.

So then basik-ly it become too much work so you jus let your Daddy do it, but you mus super-vise.

Fine-ly, Daddy maek the whole Thing! And then we put in shelfs. The shelfs so portant, acause that where the things go in our Thing!

Then you done!! Then you and your Daddy jus celly-brate! Look wut good work we do! Look how we maek a Thing! Then it time for Daddy to fill the Thing with things!

But best part of Maek a Thing is at the end, wen you jus sit in front of your Thing and know what a good job you done. You know it such a helpful Thing, hold many of the things, look so nice in the room, maek your Mommy so happy. Now you can go to the KEA and maek your own Thing, friends!!

Hi mah friends. Today, Lucy gonna tell you a story bout how sometimes, you does a bad, but it are *akshully* a good. Wut happen were this.

Mommy Daddy love to travel. And sometimes, I go with. And this the best ever!

But sometimes, they go up in the air, and then I can’ts go. Then I gotta stays here. And that are a big suck.

You sees, mah friends, when they go up in the air, I can’ts just stay at mah house. I gotta go the KENNEL.

It not that I haet the Kennel. It just that I HAET the Kennel.

This time, Mommy are pack up her bags. She are pack up mah bags. She are say, Lucy we gettin ready to go! So I gets excite. I think, this time LUCY go the trip!

No. No it are not so. I kno right ways that I not go. I kno right ways that we goin to the Kennel. Haet it there. Haet how they give me freezey Kong, haet how they pet me, haet how those other dogs be so mean to me.

They like, “Duh Lucy on Wen-day we wear pink.” And I’m like, “Wut? Wut I don’t know this!” And they like, “Lucy you wearin sweatpants, you can’ts sit with us!” And I’m like, “These sweatpants only pants fit Lucy right now!” And they like, “Ugh Lucy you don’t even GO HERE.”

And in general it all jus so very bad for mah self-steem.

So I makes a plan. A tan-trum plan.

I throws a fit. Wen other dogs walk past mah condo, I throws mahself into the walls. I throws mahself into the walls and I cries and cries and cries. I goes, ‘BARK BARK BARK THEY ALL SO MEAN TO ME WAAAAAAH HAET THEM HAET THIS PLACE HAAAAAAAAEETTTTTTT’. For hours. For millions of hours.

Well wut you kno. The Kennel Lady call mah Daddy in Cally-forn-ya. It so bad she call mah Daddy at 6 the morning! Hahahaha she say, “Lucy so upset, Lucy jus get sick it so urgent you come rights now and you fetch her acause she has made herself sooooooo sick you mus come get her right away and take her home and never can she ever come back here acause it jus too much for her sensy-tive delly-cate smart brain to handle.”So gess wut? Mah Mommy get so worried bout me, she call mah Grandma right way and say, “Grandma it URGENT go get poor Lucy, she jus so sick, go gets her right way!” and Grandma DOES IT.

As it turn out, Lucy jus fine soon as she get to Grandma Grandpa house. Lucy make rack-u-lus covery.

I helps Grandpa make a fire-camp!

I help Grandma dig holes in her garden!

I even spend some kwal-i-tee time with mah best buddy Fat Piper! She not mind if I wear sweatpants on Mondays and forget pink on Wen-day.

So as it turn out, this are pretty much mah best Kennel stay ever! As it turn out, I never allow to go back to Kennel again! If Mommy Daddy go way, they gotta either brings me, or I gotta go Grandma Grandpa’s house!

So mah friends, hope you learns from Lucy. Sometime, you gotta do a bad acause it turn out to be a good. Sometime you gotta make a tan-trum and fake a sick to get the good thing you KNOW you need.

Hullo mah friends. It are Piper! I gonna tells you a story.Mah Mommy and Daddy say, Piper! Gess wut? You turnin many years old and then it are Thanks-Giving! I’m like, oh that sound nice! Love me some Thanks-Giving! I sees Grandma, I sees mah sees-ter, I eats all the turkey in the world, I eats all the pie in the land!

Then I remember. Then I remember who come over too on Thanks-Giving. Then I’m like, Wait. Wait Bad Loo-cee aren’t come over, are she?

Then I hear she are. This such a suck. This the biggest suck. I sit in yard and pout for like, evers. Ugh. This so bad.

Bad Loo-Cee such a brat. She steal all mah noms, all mah stuff, all mah things, all mah ten-shun from the grownd-ups. Look that face. That the face of a ten-shun theef. Haet her so bad.

So Mommy say, “Piper you gotta take your med-cins. You too upset already and the Bad Loo-cee not even get here yet.” So I takes it. I takes mah medcins. I cans not feel mah toes no more.

It like, I know I GOT toes down there. I jus cants feel them. I can sees them, but they movin me around places and I don’t know hows I get there. Feel so good.

I sleep all thru Bad Loo-cee arrive. I sleep all thru night, have won-der-ful dreams bout chickin that I eat. I sleep all thru Macy Day Parade, dream that I in parade doin a dance!

Mah sees-ter wake me up to give me some pie and take a pickshure with me. I sees this pickshure later, I don’t even remembers bein in it! I think I were dreamin when this pickshur get taken!

So mah friends, this Thanks-Giving, I thank-ful for med-cins that make me forget the Bad Loo-cee in mah house. I thank-ful for all them nice dreams bout the chickin and mah dancin. And I thank-ful that after Bad Loo-cee go home, mah med-cins wear off and I can feel mah toes again.

But also, I thank-ful we got more med-cins in the bottle. Jus in case I needs them. Jus in case I don’t wants to feel mah toes again. I were kinda worried… but I kinda like it.

Hi mah friends. Today, Lucy gonna tells you a story bout a bad I does. A bad I does that were so the worth it.

Yes-ter-day were the Bo-Joo-Lay Noo-Vo festy-val. That are hard to spell, real hard, so I calls it wut Mommy Daddy call it, which are ‘Ham Wine Night.’

Mommy need mah help all day for this, so first, we gather in-gre-d-ents for our ham. Mommy make a ham soss that have apple ci-der and a bor-bon.

I inspek ci-der for kwal-tee. I not allow inspek bor-bon acause I not old enuff yet. This ci-der pretty good!

Mommy go the store and buy a big hams. Then I sit with the hams, check up on it, make sure it not a lon-lee ham while Mommy busy makin the soss.

Then we gotta put the hams in a Crok-Pot. I puts it in, but Mommy gotta be the one make it all hot so I doesn’t burn mah toes.

Then Mommy pour in the soss, and she press the button make the Crok-Pot warm. This when it start to be trouble. This when I start to think bout doin mah bad.

I tells you this mah friends: ham smell DELISHUS. Ham smell like I wanna put mah nose on it for evers. So all day, for 6 the hours, I gotta be real good and not go nex to the hams.

Then at last, it are hams time!! Mommy say, ‘look the hams you have made, Lucy! Look what a good girl you are, make this hams!’

And then I does it. I does the bad:

I theefs the hams. I theefs the biggest slice the hams on the plate!

It so delishus, I cannot even think bouts anything else. I puts the hams on the floor, eats all the pieces in one minute. Then I snuffles up the floor to get the hams joose too! YUM I DOESN’T CARE HOW BAD IT ARE WORTH IT!

Mommy Daddy say, “NO LUCY THAT NOT FOR YOU, THAT PIECE TOO BIG FOR LITTLE YOU” but I cans not lissen. I jus wants the hams. I wants the hams until all hams are gone. And then I act sorry.

I act like I feel so bad, like I knows wut a bad I does. Like I so sorry, and I pose for the pickshure Mommy want with the wine bottle I not allowed to drink anyway cause I too little.

But mah friends, I mus tell you. I not sorry. I not sorry one bit. This hams were most delishus hams of all time.

Sometimes, mah friends, you does a bad acause it worth it. I learns this to-day. I learns that hams always worth it. I cants wait for next year Ham Wine Night. Gonna get two piece the hams. Sometimes, you does a bad acause it worth it. Hams worth it for sure.

Hi mah friends! Gess who it is? It your friend Lucy! I gonna tell you bouts mah fav-rit time of year!

No, not dinner time. Not even nap time!

Mah fav-rit time are the fall! You wants to know why?

It cos-tume time! It cos-tume time for Howl-ween! This year, I dress as pretty flappy. Look mah dress! (Do not look at how it fallin off mah big ol bee-hind. Jus look how pretty I am.)

When I put on mah flappy dress, Mommy say, “Lucy we gonna dance a Charley-ston, we gonna drink a side-car, and we gonna say ‘this the bee-sneez!'” All these things so fun, I jus love bein a pretty flappy!

You know wut *else* I love bout the fall?

I love punkin time!! Look mah punkin!

This year, mah punkin extra-speshul. You know why? It acause mah Grandma growd it jus for me in the garden!!

You know how many other doggles got a punkin like mah punkin? NO ONE! NO ONE GOT A PUNKIN LIKE THIS ACAUSE MAH GRANDMA GROWD IT JUST FOR ME!

I get so excite bout mah punkin that I jus give mah paw over and over.

This punkin jus mine. It jus all mine (even though mah Daddy carves it for me acause I not allowed to use the sharp and pointys).

Also, I let you know that this punkin such good kwal-tee acause it taste delishus. Jus delishus!

Wut else I love bout the fall? I love fall fash-un. I love mah scarf!

I wear many scarf acause I jus a little fash-un-eesta. That what Mommy call me. I think it like French or something for ‘pretty pretty doggle.’

But mah fav-rit part mah fav-rit the fall??

The go-outside part!! I love the leafs! I jus runs about and enjoys the leafs so much!

I sniffs the air. I sniffs all the fall smells, smell like mag-ik out here! Smell so lovely, I jus gonna stay here all day and play and romp and rump-us!

And then, I do my do-ga praktiss in the leafs. And I meddy-tate, and I think bout how happy I am to have the fall. And I jus so happy, mah friends. I jus so happy.