Blog

Today marks the day of the end of my challenge. This challenge was to go one month without social media, meaning: no Snapchat, no Instagram, no Facebook, no Twitter, and even no Pinterest. Some of you may be wondering why Pinterest or what’s so wrong with Pinterest? Well, I wanted to challenge myself to deleting all of the ‘time consuming’ apps from my smart- phone. I wanted to test out all of the negative rumors that follow social media. Most likely, many of you have heard the complaints on how social media negatively affects our relationships or how it is time consuming and even the talk of how it is so called addicting. So I put it to the test.

The first day was easy. It was the start of the challenge, so this called for deleting the apps and setting an alarm on the calendar for one month from that day. Luckily, a good friend joined in too. This helped immensely because we often talked about what we did with our time or how our bodies were reacting to it. We even came up with a ‘consequence’ if we gave in before our challenge was up and a reward at the end of the challenge. This made it fun be- cause neither of us wanted to be ‘losers.’ As few days passed and the realization of how social media affected me started to occur. Every time I sat down whether it be at my work desk, couch, dinner table, bed, nearly every ‘relaxing’ moment, my hand reached for the phone automatically and my mind subconsciously went straight to a social media app out of habit. However, because they were no longer on my phone, it hit me how often I ‘automatically’ relied on social media to occupy my time. This was a little alarming especially because after that moment this thought crossed my mind, “Oh, well what shall I do now?”

That’s when ‘plan b’ came into play. When this happened, I need something to do to occupy my time. This came pretty easy given that I am in school full-time and have children, so I have a truckload of things to do. When the to-do list was caught up, all of a sudden there was all this free time whereas before my “no social media” challenge, there was no such things as ‘free-time.’ This is when the hunt for hobbies came next. So I downloaded ‘audible’ and started listening to books and found a some new favorites. Then every other day an hour was spent at the gym. Next, my spiritual life; praying, reading, going to church grew stronger and family activities were happening more often than they used to.

​Last but not least, my most favorite part about this challenge is the reward at the end of it. This realization didn’t happen till the very end; every single day for a month, my self-esteem went from being at its lowest point to head- ing in the right direction of being comfortable with myself. There was no more scrolling through watching idols or acquaintances live an exotic life anymore and no more comparing my life to theirs. Since I wasn’t doing that anymore, I was living my own life and enjoying it more. There was no focus on what I don’t have and if I had that I would be happier.

After this challenge it took me a few days before I went on social media again. In all honesty, fear of feeling low again from looking at the glamorous lives of others worried me. I didn’t want to go back. There wasn’t even the slightest desire. But because I felt so strongly about sharing my experience with others, I wanted to be able to write about the experience I had with ‘plugging back in’ after the challenge was over. When I say this, I mean it with every ounce of energy I have, I absolutely hated it. In result, those apps are deleted once again and I wont ever go back.

​Social media isn’t a terrible thing if you are able to find a fine and healthy balance with it, but if you do this challenge and you realize that you had some problems with it, that’s when it’s a problem. Today, I challenge you to go one month without it and see what you learn about yourself.

When my sister was critically injured in a high speed car accident, I didn't think things could get any worse. I held her hand in the ICU on our first Father's Day without our dad, and I thanked God for saving her life. I wasn't prepared for old family wounds to resurface and inflict their pain...but resurface they did.

I won't go into detail, but I will tell you what I've learned from watching my family and others. Families tend to orbit around one another. Sometimes they take turns orbiting around each member. Sometimes they just orbit around one family member.

Families that orbit around one family member tend to orbit around their "favored" member or their "problem" member. In each instance, they can be so focused on the one who's pulled them in, they are unaware of what's happening with the others outside of their immediate concern.

If you feel as if you are standing outside of your family's circle, my heart goes out to you. Please realize you are just as worthy of their attention and love as the family member they are focused on, but they may not be able to show it to you. Let go of that expectation. The gravitational pull of the situation may be too strong to expect a break in family patterns. Family attention and approval does not make you more worthy. You are worthy from being the person God created you to be.

Be that person. Forgive your family for their humanness and set boundaries if you need to do so. Then go live. Love on others the best way you can and forgive yourself if you get pulled into an orbit of your own. Life is too fragile and short to hold grudges against others and ourselves. Go do. Go be. ​Go live.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, my family's life was perfect. Well, maybe not perfect, but close enough. We were happy, and then something happened that changed our course forever: my husband got cancer. WHAM! A marker, or signpost, was placed into our lives. Suddenly we had our life before dad had cancer, and we had our life after dad had cancer. They were very different lives.

Tomorrow I'm attending a funeral and giving hugs to another family who's had a marker slammed into their lives, one they will refer to often. Unfortunately, life has a way of doing that to the best of families, maybe even yours.

Those unexpected turns in the road can be painful and difficult, so difficult they can prompt us to search for comfort in things we shouldn't...

We all want to find comfort during life's difficult moments, and it's easy to find temporary comfort in things that can add additional difficulties. My family has experienced some of these temporary comforts firsthand, and they were never satisfying. They kept us needing to overcome more and more issues.

Then we found something that brought us true comfort.

In this world of political correctness, it's not popular to talk about faith, but that's exactly what we found that helped us. Faith. Nothing seemed to comfort us as good as God. I guess that's why he's called "the Father of mercies and God of all comfort."

If you're needing a "God of all comfort" because you've been disappointed in the things you have tried, he'll be there for you. His kindness and grace may be just the thing you need to continue on. It was for us.

Sometimes the battles in our lives are ones that rage within us. Deep within our brain's gray folds, a war of words can take place:

You're not doing well. What a loser!Everything is falling apart.Are you going to eat that?

Unhealthy voices can strike with a vengeance, leaving us cowering and unable to hear the healthy voices within.

Battling these vicious thoughts can be a daily struggle for some of us, but that doesn't mean we are powerless to combat them. The key to surviving these attacks is finding a way to amplify the healthy voices within us.

One way to key into our healthy voice is to share our experiences with a therapist or support group. With proper counsel, we can learn skills for dealing with the negative, as well as skills for developing positive reactions.

Surrounding ourselves with positive people is another way to combat these unhealthy thoughts. Many times the negative thoughts we are having are reflective of our feelings and not reflective of the true situation.

​The truth is, with a little hard work and a lot of endurance, we can come through the struggle as victors. It all comes down to finding a way to support ourselves. If we have a hard time keying into our positive self-talk, we need to find a strategy to help us do it.

You'll find better ways to cope with your pain. In a few years, even the worst of the pain will subside. You'll smile again. You'll laugh again. Things will be good.

I know you can't understand this right now. You're hurting, and all you can think about is getting relief from the desperate, hopeless feeling that's hounding you. In the middle of the hurt, it's impossible for you to see things as they really are. Listen to me. You are stronger than you think you are. You are going to get through this.

Please don't numb your pain with drugs.​Drugs will never erase those negative thoughts. They'll just hide them for awhile. That's why when the drugs wear off, you'll want to keep taking them. You won't mean to become an addict. It'll just happen. You'll end up facing a battle with an opponent that's tougher than any pain you've experienced.

Eventually, friends in rehab will help you battle your way back to a normal life. You'll smile. You'll laugh. You'll think you've won. Friends and family will celebrate with you. They'll love having their boy back....the one with a smile as big as his heart.

In the midst of their celebrating, they'll fail to notice the drugs lurking in the shadows. Drugs don't like to lose, but none of them will know this. None of them will be prepared. Not even you.

You won't mean to die. It'll just happen. You'll reach out one last time, and tangle with an opponent that's tougher than your pain. In that terrible moment, the drugs will take away your breath and all of the wonderful things you had to share with the world. Your family and friends will be left hurting.

They'll cry and wish you had never turned to drugs to ease your pain.

Please, please, please....if you are hurting, don't numb your pain with drugs! You are stronger than you think you are. You are going to get through this. ​

Have you ever said that? Someone makes a comment to you because they're concerned about your eating habits, and you push them away by saying, "I'm fine." You know they're probably correct, but you don't want to hear it. You want to keep doing whatever you're doing, because it's giving you something you feel you need.

Like a smaller number on the scale.A smaller jean size.Comments from your friends about how "tiny" you look.

It's easy to convince yourself you're fine, because of the pretty package on the outside. But inside, you know something's not right.

You're tired.You have dizzy spells and headaches.Your stomach hurts.

Your body wasn't made to run on empty. It needs fuel to run smoothly, and when it doesn't get enough fuel, severe problems arise.

Plus, it's stressful having to worry about calorie counting and calorie burning! You wish you didn't have to worry about such things, so you could devote yourself to relaxing and having fun in the moment like others do.

So the pain and pressure began to build, and you ran. You ran to the one pain you could control...cutting.

It helped provide a little relief from your terrible feelings. It helped to ease the stress for a little while.

Now you feel like you can't stop and it's embarrassing, even scary.

As if you needed any more problems to think about!

People don't usually intend to keep cutting once they start, but it happens. The brain gets tricked into believing the false sense of relief, so the next time it feels pain, the brain craves this same deliverance. Cutting suddenly becomes an addiction that seems impossible to stop. And the worst thing is: the relief it provides doesn't last. The problems that triggered the cutting remain — you can't outrun them. Plus, when you self-injure, you are at risk for infections, scarring, and shock . You can die from an extreme injury or bad cuts that don't get treated right away.

So how do you stop?

The first thing you do is become aware of which situations trigger your urge to cut. Is it triggered after a disagreement with a friend or a family member? ...when a large project is due at school? ...after you've lost a game? ...when there's pressure at work?

After you know your triggers, make a plan for what to do instead of cutting when you feel the urge.

Put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it. Rub an ice cube on your skin in place of cutting Draw a mark on your skin with red penin the place you usually cut.Squeeze a stress ball.Rip something up.ExerciseScribble on paper with red ink Drip red paint over paper Illustrate your pain Use poetry to express what you're feeling Listen to music that talks about how you feelAsk a friend for help

You may not be able to control the things in life that cause you pain, but there is nothing wrong in asking for help. The right person can enable you to find your inner strength.

So you can cope with your problems in a healthy way,and stop cutting,and begin to solve those problems instead of trying to outrun them.

I was surprised because her face had always told me a different story: a story filled with joy.

"How could someone who's been through so much be so happy?" I thought.

I soon found out there had been a turning point in my friend's life. She had reached out to God and He had touched her. Her.

The bright smile on her face told me she was changed forever because of it.

When no one else had thought her worthy, He had. When nothing else had healed her pain, He had. When no one else had shown her love, He had. He had graciously come into her broken life and mended it into something beautiful.

Maybe, my sweet friend, you know what it feels like to come to the end of your rope and be left hanging without any hope. Nothing you've tried has eased your stress, and you worry people are beginning to give up on you.