9 Fun Places The OWS People Should Occupy

So with all this OWS exploding all over the country you would think the movement could last forever. Except that the protestors who were kicked out of Zuccotti Park will have to remain out. But since they’re the only people inspiring any soft of microscopic change in this country I thought I’d offer up a few suggestions for new places the protestors can occupy. And if you have any better ideas let me know on twitter @danborrelli

9. YANKEE STADIUM

It makes perfect sense. The place is basically in hibernation mode until the season begins and what better way to make sure people pay attention then by interrupting the only team in baseball people still give a crap about? Plus it’s a stadium; those places are already built like mini-cities. The occupy movement will have everything it needs; massive restrooms, tons of cooking facilities, and novelty helmets to block the rubber bullets.

7. AN AUDI DEALERSHIP

Have you guys seen those Christmas-for-the-1% commercials? Get your emotionally cold and distant wife a f*#$ off car this year cause nothing says “shut up and put on a smile, wench” like an A7. Maybe if the OWS people all test drove these bad boys the price would go down and we could see some Audi dealer chase around a post-grad like a Looney Tunes cartoon.

6. CONGRESS

I grew up in the D.C. suburbs and every year we would take a trip to capital hill. And did you know that you can organize a tour of congress during a vote or debate? All these protestors have to do is clean themselves up a bit, say they’re a study group from Canada, and occupy where it matters.

5. DISNEY LAND

Dude, first off, they have a new Star Wars ride. Second, what better a company to hit with a movement then one so soulless, that every time someone dies at their park they move the corpse off site and THEN have someone declare the person dead. You know, for their image.

4. GIRL SCOUT COOKIE BOOTHS

WTF happened this year? Did I miss the cookie season yet? I have no idea what’s going on. But it’s bull crap that these cookies are only made available to people who have a girl scout they are supporting. The rest of us have to wait until they set up that booth outside the Vons that’s out of everything except do-si-dos. #WhoDoYouBakeFor!?

3. THE WHITE HOUSE LAWN

It’s been proven that if enough people refuse to move, pepper spray will be used. It’s also been proven that not all cops are cyborgs and once that spray is used and people still refuse to move, they get to stay. If all this were to happen 10 inches from the White House it might make a bit more noise.

2. THE TV

Sure MSNBC is reporting on OWS NOW. It’s too little too late. If they could organize their money into adds advocating buying local this holiday season and switching to credit unions. They could do a lot more damage to the 1% than they realize. Plus it would make the new Beavis and Butthead WAY more fun to watch.

1. NOT APPLE STORES

I know the argument “well if they’re so poor-off why do they have iphones!?” is weak since it is nothing an economical way to combine all of your electronic devices and play the hell out of Angry Birds. There is something to think about here. Why Apple? Here you have a company that when Steve Jobs took over ended all of its contributions to non-profit organizations. It outsources like crazy and pays very little in taxes.

The more people that are seen holding iphones and ipads the more pretentious OWS looks. It’s all about image people. Whether you like it or not no one is going to take this seriously until everyone cuts their hair, puts down their itoy, throws on some khakis, and starts to look like an adult. People may react stronger when they see footage of someone who looks like them getting pepper sprayed for no reason.

What do you think will happen to OWS in the coming weeks? Let me know in the comments section below or by tweeting at me @danborrelli

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