Living with Bipolar Disorder & Mental Illness

Menu

Grumplestiltskin

Words are running through my head like a freight train but I haven’t had any time to jot them all down properly, I think I currently have around six open word documents containing half-finished but now long forgotten blog posts which were paused at the spot where I was once again interrupted and then they were left to unceremoniously wither away and die into irrelevance.

Oh, would you look at that, right on cue the bloody phone is ringing!

Okay. I have returned. I must at least finish one post this year! So my mood has been a bit nasty this week, I’m super cranky, painfully complainy and while I am very aware of my current problems being 1st world problems and the annoyingness of my ‘woe is me’ attitude, I am having a whole lot of difficulty containing it and being or at least pretending to be positive.

People that follow me on Twitter may have noticed some incessant ranting… Sorry for that.

I’m just feeling so frustratingly fragile, crying at the drop of a hat and I think that depression is starting to envelope me again but between the suicidal ideation and random yelling, I am still having short bouts of mostly dysphoric hypomania that leave me unsure of where I stand. I couldn’t sleep the other night and between bouts of whining about insomnia and the general state of the world on social media, I formulated a blog plan for 2018, now I just have to put that into place!

We are not even a week into the new year and it feels like the odds of it being better than 2017 are stacking up against us.

Day 1: A friend of mine made a stupid decision and now may go to Jail – there is a big long sad story behind this and I will probably do a whole post on this one in the not too distant future.

Day 2: My families beloved guinea pig Clive came down with pneumonia and is currently on antibiotics, thankfully we caught it early and they seem to be working.

Day 3: Our old pet Rooster “Blackbeard” – named as such because he was black with one eye and a limp – suddenly dropped dead.

Day 4: I didn’t sleep at all and was even crankier than usual and then when Mr 14 woke up looking like he had gone 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali, his left eye was swollen shut for no discernable reason resulting in an unsuccessful attempt to see a doctor this early in the new year, luckily my mother in law came to the rescue with an old wives tale remedy of putting a chamomile teabag on it for half an hour, it actually worked! It’s still a little bit swollen today but he can open it and see fine now. Still don’t know why it was like that, it wasn’t itchy or sore so I don’t think anything bit him…?

It’s now Day 5 and so far it’s 11am and while I’m still unpleasant to be around, nothing terrible or dramatic has happened… Maybe things are looking up after all?

Struggling with mental health, I was sat on a psych ward and inspired to start my very own blog! So here we are, welcome to life’s in the eyes of lauren where I’ll be tackling difficult topics and sharing my personal experiences, mainly focusing on mental health but also social services, the care system, living away from my biological family, school struggles and just life in general! i am writing to help poeple, if that means ive helped one person, ive achieved my goal. I hope you enjoy reading, Good Vibes Only xoxo