After a nano second, I gave into my temptation and this is what I read:

Sex with a humanoid robot will become common practice by 2025, even overtaking sex between humans, says futurologist, Ian Pearson. His report on the future of sex has been published in partnership with Bondara, one of UK’s leading sex toy shops.

Is a futurologist a real thing? Yes

As you can see, this was the “idea” of a man. My first thought as a woman, a/k/a the sex with common sense, was “that thing is not going to fit in the nightstand drawer.”

It was at that exact moment when I grabbed my idea shattering oozie and began to fire into Ian’s brainstorm to replace men in the boudoir.

Dear Ian,

I hope this letter finds you well. First of all, congrats on being a futurologist! No doubt your parents are over the moon with this career choice. But I’m sure you already knew they would be cool with it before you officially broke the news.

Now, back to the reason, I’m writing. This article does not mention how you came to your conclusion, but something tells me you did not interview many women in the process, because if you did, I’m certain this idea would have died a quick death in the early stages of its development.

First, let me just quote something for your article:

“A lot of people will still have reservations about sex with robots at first but gradually as they get used to them, as the AI and mechanical behaviour and their feel improves, and they start to become friends with strong emotional bonds, that squeamishness will gradually evaporate. While some people will enthusiastically embrace relationship-free robot sex as soon as they can afford one, as early as 2025, it won’t have much chance of overtaking sex with humans overall until 2050,” said Pearson

Honestly, where does one even begin?

Should I start with the price tag, the definition of “gradual” or your time-table?

Considering I grew up in the 70’s and expected to be flying around with my jet-pack by now, I’m going to say with confidence that your numbers are way off. Can you say Jetsons?

Our future adults will be too busy paying off their college loans to spare any additional cash for one of these things. Masturbation is free.

No one has time to wait for a mechanical device to start acting like a human being. Gradual is a long time. Not to mention we’re still waiting for some humans to act like humans.

As a woman, with a real vagina, I found some flaws in your prediction from the female point of view:

Women are not giving up closet space to store this sex machine. Closet space would be negotiated if this thing could do wash and clean bathrooms;

Women are not jumping in the hay with an emotionally dead robot … again. This thing needs to be charming, buy drinks and again, clean bathrooms if you want sales;

Women are not cleaning their robot man after it has their way, women don’t play that game. If this thing is not “self-cleaning”, not like the oven, which still requires work. I mean literally finding a cleaning product, scrubbing itself down; and putting everything away, including itself, you can forget it.

Women would insist on a money back guarantee. What if this thing starts taking on asshole characteristics during the development stage? NO!

I’m sure you’re ready to refute my thoughts with some scientific facts that claim women would live longer if they had more orgasms, which I’m sure has some truth to it, but in reality woman would live a hell of a lot longer without the added stress of storing a sex robot in the bedroom.

They’ve been selling us the idea of robots doing all our jobs and making our lives easier for sixty years and I’m still waiting for my robot butler. Scientists are working on assembly line robots that put us out of work and AI weaponized drones that can kill, but who’s working on my robot butler?

Earlier today I clicked on an article about a Sugar Baby convention, in which women, after some rah-rah love/respect-yourself tribal activities throw themselves a rich guys in the hopes someone will pay them to … kiss. And whatever. You know. It’s billed as a way to pay off college loans. A sex robot could put that model right out of business. Maybe?