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Thursday, June 2, 2011

How to open a bottle of VERY carbonated water

...and not have it explode all over your computer.

While we were camping like Griswolds in the States, I picked up some flavoured carbonated water to bring home. I don't usually purchase items like this, but Zero calories, Apple Martini flavour, etc, should be yummy.

The bottles are so carbonated you can't even squish the plastic at all. It's like trying to squish a rock.

I brought a bottle to work and I knew from my experience of opening one at home how to do it right...

Slowly, very slowly, turn the cap ever so slightly to allow a small amount of carbonated bubbles to disperse:

ffffffffffffffffshshshshshsshhshshshffffffffffff and close-it-up-quickly-again.

Look around to see who heard the loud fart sound.

Slowly, very slowly, turn the cap every slightly again to allow more carbonated bubbles to disperse:

ffffffffffffffffshshshshshsshhshshshffffffffffff - CRAP SOME SQUIRTED OUT ONTO MY WORK PAPERS - and close-it-up-quickly-again

Laugh with your desk neighbours about the fart sounds coming from your area and explain, "It's not me (well I guess it is), it's the flavoured water," while mopping up spilled drink.

Repeat the opening and closing process about another 20 times (seriously because if you don't, the whole bottle will explode in your face) while giggling about more fart sound coming from your desk:

ffffffffffffffffshshshshshsshhshshshffffffffffff...

...until fffffffshhhhhshshst the hilarity finally ends and you can raise your bottle skyward and announce proudly, "I have done the impossible, I have opened the carbonated beverage without it exploding all over my lap. I am a Superwoman!"

Set the opened bottle aside for about 1/2 hour until the bubbles evaporate and you can drink it without burping.

*this story is entirely true and two of my co-workers can vouch for it