Petit & Dommershausen, SC Law Officeshttps://pdlawoffice.com
Fri, 07 Dec 2018 22:32:12 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=5.0.1Arrested for Prostitution?https://pdlawoffice.com/2018/10/arrested-for-prostitution/
Wed, 24 Oct 2018 21:07:51 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1256Were you arrested for prostitution in Wisconsin? Did you make a mistake? Were you arrested? Don’t let one mistake get in the way of making better decisions moving forward. The Wisconsin Law Firm Petit & Dommershausen, SC, can help you today. Our team of attorneys have the experience to guide you through the legal process, […]

Did you make a mistake? Were you arrested? Don’t let one mistake get in the way of making better decisions moving forward. The Wisconsin Law Firm Petit & Dommershausen, SC, can help you today. Our team of attorneys have the experience to guide you through the legal process, the judgment to defend your case, and the compassion to work with you through a trying time. We can assist you in reducing the negative consequences of your law enforcement contact which may include reduction or avoidance of jail time, less intensive supervision than may have been ordered, or even dismissal of charges under the proper circumstances depending on the facts of the case.

Attorney Nathan Wojan is ready to take your call today. Reach him at 920-739-9900 or contact the firm here.

In Wisconsin, the following laws govern prostitution related crimes:

944.30 Prostitution.

(1m) Any person who intentionally does any of the following is guilty of a Class A misdemeanor:

(a) Has or offers to have or requests to have nonmarital sexual intercourse for anything of value.

(b) Commits or offers to commit or requests to commit an act of sexual gratification, in public or in private, involving the sex organ of one person and the mouth or anus of another for

anything of value.

(c) Is an inmate of a place of prostitution.

(d) Masturbates a person or offers to masturbate a person or requests to be masturbated by a person for anything of value.

(e) Commits or offers to commit or requests to commit an act of sexual contact for anything of value.

944.31 Patronizing prostitutes. Except as provided in s. 948.081, any person who enters or remains in any place of prostitution with intent to have nonmarital sexual intercourse or to commit an act of sexual gratification, in public or in private, involving the sex organ of one person and the mouth or anus of another, masturbation or sexual contact with a prostitute is guilty of the following:

(1) For a first or 2nd violation, a Class A misdemeanor.

(2) For a 3rd or subsequent violation, a Class I felony.

944.32 Soliciting prostitutes. Except as provided under s. 948.08, whoever intentionally solicits or causes any person to practice prostitution or establishes any person in a place of prostitution is guilty of a Class H felony.

944.33 Pandering. Whoever does any of the following is guilty of a Class A misdemeanor:

(1) Solicits another to have nonmarital sexual intercourse or to commit an act of sexual gratification, in public or in private, involving the sex organ of one person and the mouth or anus of another, masturbation or sexual contact with a person the solicitor knows is a prostitute; or

(2) With intent to facilitate another in having nonmarital intercourse or committing an act of sexual gratification, in public or in private, involving the sex organ of one person and the mouth or anus of another, masturbation or sexual contact with a prostitute, directs or transports the person to a prostitute or directs or transports a prostitute to the person.

944.34 Keeping place of prostitution. Whoever intentionally does any of the following is guilty of a Class H felony:

(1) Keeps a place of prostitution; or

(2) Grants the use or allows the continued use of a place as a place of prostitution.

]]>Grandparents Rightshttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/09/1237/
Thu, 20 Sep 2018 13:38:35 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1237Grandparent Rights in Wisconsin Most states allow at least some form of grandparent visitation, after a determination as to whether scuh visitation is in the best interests of the child. This inquiry can vary vastly from county to county and Judge to Judge. At Petit & Dommershausen, we guide you thru the process to get […]

Most states allow at least some form of grandparent visitation, after a determination as to whether scuh visitation is in the best interests of the child. This inquiry can vary vastly from county to county and Judge to Judge. At Petit & Dommershausen, we guide you thru the process to get grandparents a great outcome. Learn more about Grandparent’s Rights below.

Grandparent Visitation

Parents have fundamental rights to raise their children as they see fit, as long as the children’s basic emotional and physical needs are being met. However, in certain circumstances, Wisconsin law allows grandparents to have reasonable visitation with a grandchild, even if it’s against the parent’s wishes.

A grandparent must file a petition requesting visitation with the court. A judge will schedule a hearing to review the circumstances of the case and allow the child’s parents to respond.

All of the following factors must be present for a judge to grant grandparent visitation:

• the child’s parents are not married, or were married but have subsequently divorced, separated or one parent is deceased
• the child isn’t adopted (to non-family members)
• the grandparent has maintained a relationship with the child, or has attempted to maintain a relationship but was prevented by the parent
• the grandparent is unlikely to act counter to the parent’s decisions regarding the child’s emotional physical, educational or spiritual welfare, and
• that grandparent visitation is in the child’s best interests. Most of the time a Guardian ad Litem will be appointed to advise the Judge as to what they think is in the best interests of the child.
Wisconsin courts require all the above elements to be met for grandparent visitation to occur. Grandparent visitation is almost always granted in cases where grandparents have had a strong relationship with the child and death or divorce has disrupted the child’s nuclear family unit.
The Court will then determine a reasonable amount of visitation. What constitutes “reasonable visitation” will depend on the unique circumstances of your case.

When Can Grandparents Get Guardianship of a Grandchild?

In some cases, a grandparent may be able to obtain guardianship over a child’s natural parent when it’s necessary to protect the child’s safety or well-being and the parents are unfit to meet the child’s needs.

A court may only award guardianship to a child’s grandparent if the following are true:

• granting guardianship to the grandparent would serve the child’s best interests, and
• the parent is unfit or unable to adequately care for the child, or there are other compelling reasons for awarding guardianship to a grandparent.

The experienced and compassionate attorneys at Petit & Dommershausen, S.C. can help you thru this difficult process. Call Attorney Tajara Dommershausen today to learn more about your rights and get the help you need.

]]>Back to School Tips for Divorcing Parentshttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/08/back-to-school-divorce/
Wed, 29 Aug 2018 18:55:22 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1245As the school year begins again, co-parenting issues often come to a boiling point. Here are some tips to try and co-parent in a more effective and efficient manner in the days ahead. Otherwise, you and your ex will be in and out of court asking the court to order solutions which cause your child […]

]]>As the school year begins again, co-parenting issues often come to a boiling point. Here are some tips to try and co-parent in a more effective and efficient manner in the days ahead. Otherwise, you and your ex will be in and out of court asking the court to order solutions which cause your child will suffer feeling the stress from disagreeing parents. The goal is making school go as smoothly as possible for your child.

Use a shared calendar. It can be a google calendar, through Our Family Wizardor any other calendar that works for you. Through the shared calendar you can share information about extracurricular activities and school project deadlines. If you do not have the same weekdays each week you can mark when sneakers are needed for gym class and what day their library book needs to be returned.

Familiarize yourself with the electronic communication options with the school. Most school districts around here have online portals with your child’s information. Try to get two separate logins. If only one login is allowed, share the password with the other parent so you both can receive the information directly. It is better to have equal access than to be responsible for communicating the information directly. This way each parent is responsible for getting their own information and cannot accuse you of withholding information.

Let the teacher know both parents’ email addresses. Ask them to email both of you when sending out announcements or emails about any concerns they have about your child. Copy the other parent on your communications back to the teacher.

Prepare your child’s teacher. Before the first day of school, and to minimize confusion and uncomfortable remarks, inform your child’s teachers of their family situation. Give them an overview of the child’s routines—who’ll be dropping them off and picking them up on which days, and where they’ll be staying each night. Giving teachers this information up front not only provides them with some context for any emotional issues that may come up, but it also allows them to plan ahead. Perhaps they’ll proceed with more sensitivity when it comes to those “My Family” projects that can sometimes be painful for kids of divorce.

Let the other parent know when your child is home sick and whether any make-up work needs to be coordinated.

Try to attend parent-teacher conferences together. While sometimes this is not possible because the parents cannot get along well enough to be in the same room and the conference will not be productive, if you can, attend the conference together so that both parents can be on the same page and can hear the teacher’s response to each of the parent’s concerns.

Discuss school projects and who is going to take the lead on what part of the project. Lack of coordination puts stress on the child (and each parent’s household). The child suffers the most in this situation.

Be proactive. If you see a slip in grades or any other changes in your child that you think may be associated with the situation at home, talk to the school guidance counselor and consider counseling for the child and/or co-parenting counseling for the parents.

Take your past issues out of equation. This is not about you, it is about your child and their successful school year.

]]>Understand a Misdemeanor Charge in Wisconsinhttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/08/misdemeanor-wisconsin/
Tue, 14 Aug 2018 21:21:25 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1231MISDEMEANOR IN WISCONSIN In Wisconsin, a misdemeanor is a crime that can be punished by a year or less in jail – unlike a felony, a crime that can be punished by a year or more in prison. Most Wisconsin misdemeanors are Class A, B, or C misdemeanors. Class C Misdemeanors are the least serious crimes. […]

In Wisconsin, a misdemeanor is a crime that can be punished by a year or less in jail – unlike a felony, a crime that can be punished by a year or more in prison. Most Wisconsin misdemeanors are Class A, B, or C misdemeanors.

Class C Misdemeanors are the least serious crimes. A person convicted of a Class C misdemeanor, without more, can be sentenced to up to 30 days in a county jail, a fine up $500, or some combination of the two.

Class B Misdemeanors are more serious. A person convicted of a Class B Misdemeanor, without more, can be sentenced to up to 90 days in a county jail, a fine up to $1,000, or some combination of the two.

Class A misdemeanors are the most serious misdemeanors. A person convicted of a Class A Misdemeanor can be sentenced to up to 9 months in a county jail, a fine up to $10,000, or some combination of the two.

A judge must consider anyone convicted of a misdemeanor in Wisconsin for probation instead of or in addition to time in jail. Many people convicted of misdemeanors never actually have to go to jail at all – but probation comes with many restrictions on the person’s behavior while it lasts.

An experienced misdemeanor defense attorney can help defend you at a trial – for instance, if you did not commit the misdemeanor the prosecutor accused you of committing. Sometimes a misdemeanor defense attorney can even get your prosecution deferred so you don’t get convicted of anything at all. A criminal defense attorney can also help you work out a deal with the prosecutor if you are willing to plead guilty. Last, if a judge or jury convicts you of a misdemeanor, a criminal defense attorney can represent you at sentencing for a misdemeanor, including by explaining to the judge why you should get a shorter sentence, permission to serve your sentence in another county, probation instead of jail, or a fine instead of probation.

]]>Petit & Dommershausen SC | Facebookhttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/03/petit-dommershausen-sc-facebook/
Tue, 27 Mar 2018 19:54:47 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1163Get Social With Us! Looking to stay up to date with happenings in legal news, events at the firm, and other points of interest? The P&D Facebook page offers ongoing updates on these and many other topics. Like our Facebook page here! Many of our lawyers maintain a Facebook presence so you will be able […]

Looking to stay up to date with happenings in legal news, events at the firm, and other points of interest? The P&D Facebook page offers ongoing updates on these and many other topics. Like our Facebook page here! Many of our lawyers maintain a Facebook presence so you will be able to follow their work in the community and stay connected to the lawyer that represents you and your interests.

]]>WHAT HAPPENS TO DEBTS AFTER A LOVED ONE DIES?https://pdlawoffice.com/2018/02/deceased-debts/
Sun, 25 Feb 2018 19:31:14 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1156Debts After Passing Away When a loved one dies, either the personal representative or an heir is likely going to have to figure out the finances, including any financial obligations. All of their assets (i.e., bank accounts, businesses, cars, real estate, etc.) are all lumped together into what is called an estate. If the estate […]

When a loved one dies, either the personal representative or an heir is likely going to have to figure out the finances, including any financial obligations. All of their assets (i.e., bank accounts, businesses, cars, real estate, etc.) are all lumped together into what is called an estate. If the estate is over $50,000, it will go through a court proceeding called probate. Certain assets may not be included in the estate-life insurance proceeds and retirement accounts.

Through the probate process, the value of the estate will be determined in greater detail and debts will need to be dealt with before anything is given to heirs.

Secured debts

Certain debts, like mortgages and car loans, do not vanish. They are secured by something of value (i.e., the house or the car). If that mortgage is not paid, the lender can foreclose on the home and sell it to repay the debt. If car loans are not paid, the car can be repossessed and also sold to repay the debt. These types of creditors are first in line to get part of the estate which secures that debt.

Unsecured debt

Credit card companies and other creditors like them are the next people in line. These non-secure debts are not necessarily entirely wiped out. These companies can file a claim against the estate. The person who is handling the estate will be required to send notice to creditors so that they can file a claim. If they do not file a claim, they get nothing; however, if they do, the Court will usually use that money to pay the debt.

Student loans.

If a student loan is a federal loan, that will be wiped out. However, that is not true of most private student loans. Also, if there is a co-signer, that co-signer could end up being on the hook for that loan and the debt of a borrower may trigger a default, which means that the co-signer would have to pay off the loan immediately. If there isn’t a co-signer, the student loan company can file a claim against the estate.

Anything that is left over would likely go to the estate and eventually the heirs.

As Wisconsin is a community property state, your spouse may be responsible for any debts you incurred during the marriage. This is particularly true if it is a joint debt or you co-signed on any of the loans. Planning ahead is very important so that a burden isn’t left for someone else.

Please contact Petit & Dommershausen’s estate planning department so that we can help make sure that your assets pass to your heirs as smoothly as possible.

]]>WHY YOU SHOULD CONSIDER MEDIATING YOUR DIVORCEhttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/01/divorce-mediation/
Thu, 25 Jan 2018 15:25:52 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1154Divorce Mediation Divorce can be emotionally, financially, and physically stressful. Divorce mediation is a way to reduce stress. While protracted litigation is necessary in some cases, for many people, mediation is an effective alternative that allows you to reach an agreement in the least stressful way. In a divorce mediation, a neutral mediator assists a […]

Divorce can be emotionally, financially, and physically stressful. Divorce mediation is a way to reduce stress. While protracted litigation is necessary in some cases, for many people, mediation is an effective alternative that allows you to reach an agreement in the least stressful way. In a divorce mediation, a neutral mediator assists a divorcing couple in arriving at a mutually acceptable agreement. While emphasizing cooperative problem solving, it is non-adversarial and gives you more control over the issues that matter most to you, such as child custody, placement and division of assets. Many people find that mediation helps the parties maintain cooperation both during and after the divorce. The following are some of the benefits to mediation:

You control the results. You and your spouse decide the terms of your agreement – not the Court, not divorce attorneys, and not a Guardian ad Litem. Important decisions about your children, your finances, and your future are not in the hands of anyone but you.

Non-adversarial. Mediation focuses on creative and cooperative problem solving and tries to address everyone’s needs. We try to resolve any outstanding issues by communicating and discussing instead of arguing. This allows you to work as a team to have a stronger possibility of reaching a mutually satisfying agreement.

There is greater confidentiality involved. All communications and documents associated with the mediation process are confidential, as are all discussions had with the mediators. This is not true of litigation as anything that is discussed is fair game in the courtroom.

Your children are more protected from conflict. This allows your children not to be exposed to tension, additional stress and other signs of the continuing conflict between their parents. This also allows them not to be interviewed by a Guardian ad Litem and/or the custody study evaluators. Divorce mediators help you focus on your children’s needs as you try to reach a custody and placement agreement.

Get divorced faster. Instead of having to wait for hearing dates, depositions and the discovery process, many parties are able to resolve their case more efficiently and thus get divorced faster. This way, you are able to move on to the next chapter of your life more quickly.

Post-divorce communication is better. During the mediation process, the parties are required to talk as they work towards a consensus on important issues. This ability to talk through issues and cooperate will have a positive long-term impact on your future co-parenting skills, which obviously benefits your children.

If you think that you and your spouse could possibly, with the help of a third-party mediator, work through your issues, mediation could be the right strategy for you. The experienced and compassionate attorneys at Petit & Dommershausen can help you address the ending of your marriage in a supportive, non-confrontational environment. Please call Attorney Tajara Dommershausen 920-739-9900, today to learn more about the divorce mediation process. You can learn more at pdlawoffice.com

]]>Trying to Move with Joint Custody of a Child?https://pdlawoffice.com/2018/01/trying-move-joint-custody-child/
Fri, 12 Jan 2018 16:24:12 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1133Parents Should Know In Wisconsin, if parents share custody and physical placement, you have to provide the other parent with at least 60 days’ written notice if you want to move out of state with the child, move at least 150 miles away from the other parent within the state, or take the child out […]

In Wisconsin, if parents share custody and physical placement, you have to provide the other parent with at least 60 days’ written notice if you want to move out of state with the child, move at least 150 miles away from the other parent within the state, or take the child out of state for at least 90 days.

Once the initial notice is provided, the other parent can choose whether or not to object. If an objection is made, the matter will likely be referred to mediation to try and resolve the dispute. While the dispute is ongoing, the child cannot be moved unless the court grants permission through a temporary order. If the dispute still cannot be resolved, the parent opposing the move can file a petition, motion, or order to show cause to modify custody or physical placement of the child, and the court will hold a hearing to determine whether the change is in the best interests of the child.

If the parent seeking to move with the child already has primary physical placement, the court will additionally look at whether or not the proposed move will result in a substantial change in circumstances since the last court order involving placement. If the parents share substantially equal physical placement, the court will look at whether circumstances make it impractical to continue the current arrangement.

In order to make these determinations, courts are directed to look at specific criteria: whether the purpose of the proposal is reasonable, the child’s relationship with the parent that is objecting to the move and how it would be affected, and the availability of alternate arrangements to continue the child’s relationship with the objecting parent. The court will also have the option to consider how the child would adjust to the move in terms of the child’s new home, school, religion, and community.

If you have further questions related to child custody issues and are seeking legal representation, please contact our firm for a consultation.

Attorney Brian Kane practices criminal defense and family law at the Oshkosh office of Petit & Dommershausen, S.C., located at 2001 Bowen Street, Oshkosh, WI 54901. He can be reached at (920) 231-0699 or briankane@pdlawoffice.com.

]]>TOP NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR DIVORCED OR DIVORCING PARENTShttps://pdlawoffice.com/2018/01/top-new-years-resolutions-divorced-divorcing-parents/
Mon, 01 Jan 2018 16:16:55 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=11491. I resolve to remind my child that they are loved. 2. I resolve to reassure my child often that divorce is not their fault. 3. I resolve to not let my child blame themselves for the divorce. Children often blame themselves and think if they were better kids, this wouldn’t be happening. There is […]

2. I resolve to reassure my child often that divorce is not their fault.

3. I resolve to not let my child blame themselves for the divorce. Children often blame themselves and think if they were better kids, this wouldn’t be happening. There is no need to lie to your child in an effort to make them feel less responsible. However, one of the main reasons kids blame themselves is because they weren’t told the truth. That being said, do not go into gory details and explain in an age appropriate manner why you are divorcing. You should also be honest with your children that you will not be getting back together. They often think that if they behave better, are more fun, etc., their parents will get back together again internalizing the reason why the divorce is occurring.

4. I resolve to let my child to express their feelings no matter what. They may be sad, depressed, angry, or happy, but do not know how to express it. Encourage your child to express their feelings about the divorce. Let them be honest as to how they feel even if it hurts your feelings. Do not show your children that your feelings are hurt no matter what they say. This will be difficult. Try not to minimize your child’s pain and sadness. You cannot make it immediately better nor should you try. Offer your support and comfort by letting your child know you care about their feelings and that their feelings matter to you.

5. I resolve to respect my children. Respect the fact that no matter what the cause of your divorce, your child wants a relationship with both parents. Do your best to foster that relationship and encourage it. Your child is half of each of you and blaming or bashing your ex in front of your children will make them feel bad. Try not to engage in nasty argumentative behavior when your children are present. This makes your children sad, guilty, and defensive. Keep visible conflict away from your children. Do not make your children take sides.

6. I resolve to be consistent. When a major life change is happening, children need routine and consistency. Keeping in that routine provides comfort. Minimize any disruptions to the daily routine or changes to your relationships. They still need routine, consistency and structure, especially during times of stress.

7. I resolve to accept help from others. Both you and your child are going through difficult times. Friends and relatives can make role models and sounding boards for both you and your children. Talk to the child’s teachers so that the teacher can help if they notice signs of stress. If you or others close to you see signs of serious stress or emotional issues in your child, encourage your child to talk to the guidance counselor at school, teachers, friends, or arrange for counseling.

8. I resolve to not make my child the go between. Don’t have your child relay messages back and forth. These should be communicated directly to your spouse by text, e-mail, phone or through a legal professional or mediator. Don’t grill your child for information about the other parent. This puts children on edge and makes them uncomfortable. While you are welcome to ask the child if they had a good time and what fun stuff they did with the other parent, that should be the extent of your questioning. On the other hand, if the child wants to tell you about something they did with the other parent, listen and try to respond positively. Putting the child in the middle of conflict causes emotional issues, resentment, and anxiety.

9. I resolve to remember that no matter how old my children are they are still our children. Even if your children are older when you divorce, you should not drag them into the middle of the conflict. Do not confide details or enlist them as negotiators.

10. I resolve to try to take the high road. I will try to take a step back and be the bigger person. I realize that falling into the old patterns of negativity are toxic and benefit no one. I will work towards positive results and will not withhold visitation unless a child is being neglected or in danger. The children who thrive after a divorce are those who are able to have strong relationships with both parents. If you cannot be civil to each other, see if you can do a child exchange at a neutral place (school, library, etc.) or have a third party do the exchange. Try not to prolong the goodbye nor show your child if you are upset. Depicting time with the other parent as a positive thing will help your child transition easier. The same is true when they return to you. You don’t want to be disinterested, but you don’t want to grill them. You should make every effort to act the same way you would if they were at grandparents or a friend’s home overnight. Allow your child to love the other parent and their extended family.

11. I resolve to stop overthinking. It is easy to obsess on what went wrong and why.

12. I resolve to try to leave it behind and use the wisdom I have learned to move forward.

13. I resolve to be present and patient in my life and to truly appreciate those around me. Focusing on the past can be depressing and focusing on the future can cause fear and anxiety.

14. I resolve not to be too hard on myself. I will remember that this is a difficult transition and I will be kind to myself while trying not to wallow.

If you need help with your custody or placement issues, contact a family law attorney at Petit & Dommershausen, located in the Appleton area and Oshkosh.
You can reach our Fox Valley attorneys at 920-739-9900 or our Oshkosh attorneys at 920-231-0699.
Petit & Dommershausen wishes everyone a wonderful New Year.

]]>Co-Parenting Tips for a Happy Holidayhttps://pdlawoffice.com/2017/11/co-parenting-tips-happy-holiday/
Wed, 29 Nov 2017 16:32:16 +0000https://pdlawoffice.com/?p=1143Holidays can be a difficult time for divorced or separated families especially when people crave the perfect family event. It can be emotionally gut wrenching having to split holiday time with your ex and knowing that the person passing the gravy to your kids is not you, but your ex’s new love. Protect your kids […]

]]>Holidays can be a difficult time for divorced or separated families especially when people crave the perfect family event. It can be emotionally gut wrenching having to split holiday time with your ex and knowing that the person passing the gravy to your kids is not you, but your ex’s new love. Protect your kids from the stress of their changing family situation this holiday season. Kids are easily influenced and often remember holidays for a lifetime.

Remember the holidays should be all about your kids, NOT YOU!

These experiences, combined with the cultural expectation to have a Hallmark holiday, can send divorced parents into emotional overload. So how do you keep your charged feelings from spilling over onto your kids? Especially at exchanges which can seem like an emotional rollercoaster? Here are some tips for managing holiday drop-offs with true co-parenting grace.

Try to talk with your ex (if you can’t talk, email or text but in as neutral tone as humanly possible!!). If your children will be traveling, you and your ex must discuss beforehand what they will need to bring. Winter coats? Games they love? A backpack of activities? A favorite stuffed animal? Bring necessary items to the drop-off. Don’t be passive-aggressive by “forgetting” anything. Similarly, don’t yell at your ex if he didn’t bring what was expected. Protect your children from any transitional snafus by handling the situation like the adult you are and arranging, if possible, to deliver the goods as soon as you can.

Talk with your children.Younger kids especially can be confused by the change in your usual schedule. Discuss holiday plans with them beforehand. Assure them that they will get to spend time with both parents and other important family members. Explain this well before the holiday so they have time to process the news and ask questions before drop-off. Does traveling make them anxious? Would they like to take something along? Games they love? A backpack of activities? A favorite stuffed animal? Help your children transition easier.

Be on time.Do not be late! If your child is worried about how he’s spending the holiday, rushing to get her to your ex’s will only increase her anxiety. And don’t purposely dawdle. It doesn’t matter how much you hate your ex; your children deserve to arrive to a holiday gathering – or an airport – on time. Remember: ruining the holiday for your ex will also ruin it for your kids.

Keep your feelings in check. No matter how sad or angry you may feel, you must pull yourself together before and during your placement exchange. This means no crying, no angry words with your ex, no hostile body language. Your composure will make the exchange easier on your kids. It will also model to them how to resolve conflict and manage tough situations. If you must fall apart, do it as you drive away or when you’re alone, or with your therapist.

Take care of yourself – Kids are often reflections of our own moods. If you can be calm, they’ll be more likely to be calm – and we all know the reverse is true too! So be kind to yourself. Exercise, eat healthy food, get good sleep, enjoy close friends, meditate, pray, relax.

Don’t prolong drop-off. If your kids are crying, do not use this as an opportunity either to gloat or to seek reassurance from them that they will miss you. Assure your children that you love them, wish them a happy holiday with your ex, and remind them when they will be with you next. Do NOT have a prolonged farewell! If they’re nervous or upset about their time away from you, engineering a long goodbye will only make them feel more anxious. You do not want to communicate, through words or body language, that this is a scary time, or that they have to tend to your feelings. An appropriate exit is much more tolerable for them than an angst-ridden, ambivalent one.

Try to take the high road. A smooth exchange will signal to your children that it’s okay to have a good time with their other parent. It doesn’t matter how big a jerk you think your ex is. Your children deserve to enjoy their holiday.

Above all, give your kids permission to love their other parent and their family. They are connected to their other family and your kids should not have to hide it from you.

If you need help with your custody issues, contact a family law attorney at Petit & Dommershausen, located in Menasha and Oshkosh.

You can reach our Fox Valley attorneys at 920-739-9900 or our Oshkosh attorneys at 920-231-0699.