Tuesday, September 20, 2011

1. Josh is home and showered (so he is clean).
2. I'm clean as well.
3. Most everything is picked up in the apartment.
4. Dinner is in the oven or pre-made when I get home. All that needs to get done is putting it in the oven to cook when it's time to eat.
5. The dishes are done.
6. Josh and I play a short game like Skip-Bo or Yatzee.
7. We go for a walk or a run...this assumes he's purchased new running shoes. Oh, I guess if we go for this run, we don't have to start out clean and showered.
8. I knit and Josh watches football.
9. Then we play a nice drinking game and I get ever so slightly tipsy off wine.
10. Then we go to bed between 11pm and 12am and get to sleep in until 9:00am.

That's a lot to do in one night but I think it can be done. I should print this out and give it to Josh. He doesn't read this stuff I write. It can't be done this Friday though because I have it off and it's implied in my list that Josh makes dinner and does the dishes and everything is ready when I get home. Not, I spend my bonus holiday working. Maybe Thursday night...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
You know what's not natural?Testi Canzoni
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources into keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for smoking something that grows in the dirt

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: “Do you ever wake up tired in the mornings?”
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have this.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is…
There are people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
That is the greatest disease ever. How did you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now… It's all about self-esteem in schools.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip clubs?
What's gonna happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk daddies missing a lot of dance recitals before you decide to go
blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Mastermind is another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorist masterminds that are being killed over in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Masterminds sort of a lofty way to describe what these people do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
“Okay, you take bomb right and you put in backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up.”
“Why do I have to blow myself up? Why don't I put…”
“Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?”

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity, obesity
They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like its polio.
Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
“How'd you get through it grandpa?”
“Oh, it was horrible Johnny, but there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.”

Nobody knows why we're getting fatter? Look at our lifestyles.
I'll sit at a drive through.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up and making the eight foot walk over to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, supersize. TYou want biggy fries with that, you want a jumbo fry, you wanna go large.
You wanna biggie fry,
You want thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the bag. Take it!
You want a 55 gallon drum coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you got to suffer a little in your youth to motivate you to succeed later in life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You gotta spend a lot of time stuffin your own locker with your underwear wedged up your arse before you think I'm gona take over the world with computers! You'll see I'll show them.”

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
And the minimum wage is lower now than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for some money the other day.
And I was gonna give it to him but then I thought you're just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm gonna use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like, your giving him money
He's just gonna waste it.
He's just gonna waste the money
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looked right at the homeless guy and goes why don't you go and get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys, get a job like it's that easy.
This guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a “underwear goes inside the pants” policy.
Not that they enforce it very strictly, but technically I'm sure it's on the books.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Holy Smokers! I forgot! Josh and I picked up some awesome records when we were in NY this past weekend at a Goodwill. We got a Bill Cosby comedy record. A Muppets Christmas Song Records. A Chipmonks record. A Seseme Street record. The Carpenters. A young Aretha Franklin record. A three piece opera. And a record on Japan and its people.

There was a lot of 70's children records there. I love it. We haven't listened to them yet because I forgot we bought them!

What else do I love?

I love my truck. It needs an oil change, gas, and a good cleaning inside and out.

I love my cat. His butt got poopy this morning...and so did my floors.

I love my husband. He's pretty much good the way he is.

I love my Annie Oakley purse mirror I got at the Buffalo Bill Historical Center when I was in 8th grade.

I love myself. I need to stop hatin' on myself all the time.

I love my sheep blanket that Jenny made for me in college.

I love rocks. They are so beautiful and unique.

That's about it. I would say those are all in my Top 10 things I love the most. You'll notice there are only 7...that's because I wanted to leave space for anything I may have forgotten...like this picture:

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Today I have a messy bedroom and stacks of unorganized papers on my desk. Then today disappeared on me, I'm honestly not sure where it went. Even lunch went by in a flash and normally lunch drags on a little bit.

Yesterday I did this:

I have no idea if it worked or not. If you see it and you see no square around the circle, then I succeeded. If there is a white box around the circle, then I failed. If you can't tell, I broke even.

It took me ALL day of wrangling program disks, IT professionals, internet downloads, more IT professionals, and internet how-tos that use the word "Extract" instead of "Save As". Yeah...that last one took a while. But once all the hard parts were done making it a circle was easy.

I also mailed out two packages yesterday. That was hard too. I had to threaten the postage dispenser machine with a crowbar before it would listen to me and print a stamp on a label I kept on shoving into the hole marked "Label". Turns out it's easier if you slide the label through the spot called "Envelope".

Oh, I also got "yelled" at by a slightly more experienced in life than me coworker that I broke the computer because I moved the cursor too fast. Don't worry, I "yelled" back at that one.

Today he brought me in a dream catcher his wife got in the mail for once a long time ago donated money to a school. Similar to how the Nature Conservancy sends me address labels and calendars, but way more cool. I hung it up over my doorway. It caused a lot of comments by coworkers wanting to know what it meant, because I don't work at the Indian Organization or anything. It just means the bad thoughts stay out and only the good thoughts come in.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

It was 100 degrees out yesterday. I assume. It's what the weather man told me 3 days ago it would be yesterday. Three days ago I also agreed to spend the entire day outside listening to folk music. And that's just what I did.

First I saw some Buck Dancing, which is best described as Appalachian Tap Dancing. Well, that's the best description..it's so much more I think. There was an old skinny man who truly enjoyed dancing for people. He loved to get the little kids up on stage and have them dance too. I think the oldest on stage was 8 yrs. One girl was so excited she kept on screaming while she danced. The elder dancer said that this is how he started dancing, as a small boy watching and imitating until he was old enough to learn.

Sometimes I really wish I could go back and live in a time before electricity. When the men worked in the fields all day and the women managed the house, and then we danced all night.

Then I got too hot and thought I was going to be sick, so I went and laid in the shade next to a different stage. Josh promised me Canadian bands, but we got a Mariachi band! It was awesome!!! I think I would like to learn more about the Mexican culture and history. When they played, a woman with a brightly colored skirt danced around a man, holding her skirt out. They looked just like two birds doing a mating dance. I haven't seen humans imitating animals in such a way in real life ever. It was beautiful.

I take that back. When we were little my sister would crawl around and roar like a lion. Sometimes she would oink like a pig, and Nathan and I would go "Hut! Hut! Little pig" and we would clap are hands and she would do what we said, but not very well, she was pretending to be a pig after all. I still say and do that when I want to get people up and moving out.

Mandy is far superior at roaring like a lion than I am. Or was she a Tiger? I can't remember now.

Back to laying in the shade...it was exactly what I wanted. It to be too hot out and relaxing in the shade with every reason to not move and no reason to get up. Though I did miss the flea circus. Alas, I can't do everything.

Friday, September 2, 2011

I have a lot to say today and I'm just going to write it here instead of putting it in emails to everyone...most of it is random anyways, which is why it's List Day!

1. I don't want a felted purse made from Ackbar's shaved off fur. That's creepy and his fur isn't shaved off.

2. I do want to craft a lot.

3. I'm thinking about becoming the one thing I swore up and down I would never be growing up...a farmer. There is just such a large appeal to growing my own food (meat and veggies). Plus I accidentally watched Fast Food Nation last night, it was on NPT (Nashville Public Television), and it's causing me to rethink my food choices. It was an informative movie, but I hesitate to watch obviously biased documentaries because I'm about the truth, not opinions and facts twisted to make a good movie. I blame my non-fiction films class I took in college.

4. MY RICKSHAW PLANNER FOLIO COMES IN TODAY!!!!!! I've been checking the mailbox all week even though I knew it comes in today.

5. That's a lie. I didn't check it yesterday because the further back under the buildings towards our mailbox I got, the more larger spiders I saw. I only made it half way in before I turned around. It was like walking into a cave of spiders. Spiders above me, spiders below me, spiders on every side of me, just waiting to drop down or pounce on me.

6. I've had more spiders drop down onto my face than the average person. I am not paranoid, I learn from experience.

7. Buckminster Fuller is the sweetest person I know of, right after Abe Lincoln. If my truck was male, I would call it Bucky Truck after Buckminster Fuller. But it's female, so I call her Breezy after the washboard player in Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band.

8. My new favorite blog is Regretsy.com and cf4l.regretsy.com The author spouts the anger and sarcasm that I wish I could. But I'm too shy to even tell you what the F stands for in CF4L.

9. I let someone in infront of me this morning while driving to work. He then insisted on driving 15 mph below the speed limit. That sure tested my patience and ability to Christian love strangers.

10. Someone brought in donut holes today and I can't eat them because they have wheat/gluten. I thought about saying screw it and eating it anyways. I even picked it up and smelled it. Then I remembered I had Butterfingers in my drawer. I ate one of those instead of the donut holes. Way to go me!

11. I lost 5-6 lbs!! I stood on the scale and leaned forward to make me as heavy as I could be, and the scale still read less than what I had originally weighed! And it was at night when you weigh more too. That's what I call progress!

12. My coworker asked why I didn't wear lipstick today..."It looks so nice on you." I didn't wear it because it's Casual Friday. I also call it No Bra Friday in the winter when I can wear big sweatshirts and No Makeup Day the rest of the year.

13. Why are older men concerned about my lipstick? Why do they even notice it? I've spent WAAAY to long around geologists I think. Those men don't approve of makeup..if they notice it at all. I think if Calvin happened to notice, he would be confused as to why I was wearing lipstick and definitely wouldn't say anything. Hehe. Calvin noticing lipstick makes me laugh. (Calvin was my graduate adviser and most awesome person ever, right up there with Bucky Fuller.)

14. Makeup has no purpose if you are hiking in the mountains in the desert, all hot and sweaty. Geologists feel the need to dress and look like at any moment they could be out there hiking. Hence the plethora of plaid shirts, tevas with socks, Brunton Compasses attached to the hip and their magnifying lens around their neck. I don't know why the beards are there... luckily I can't grow one.