A collection of political humour and satire in NewfoundlandLabrador by NewfoundlandLabradorians for NewfoundlandLabradorians for the benefit of Newfoundlandlabradrians.
It will get better once we get our ACOA grant.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

MUSIC: Although I haven't actually listened to INXS: Original Sin, I bet Michael Hutchence still has one of the best voices in light rock.

BOOKS: Although I haven't actually read Johanna Skibsrud's The Sentimentalist, I really like the TV show The Mentalist, so I like this book, too. It has also been written up in the newspaper, which makes me like it more.

MOVIES: Although I haven't actually watched Burlesque, it's about Milton Burle so I like it already. Two economist thumbs up!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

As the province is dealing with the devastation caused by Hurricane Igor, Progressive Conservative Members of the House of Assembly have been demonstrating their compassion and giving nature.

"In the face of the destruction, PC MHA's are volunteering to help their neighbours and communities get through this difficult time and in many cases, MHA offices have been offering their facilities to those in need," said the Honourable Dave Denine, Minister Responsible for Politicizing Natural Disasters. "No matter what issue PC MHA's are presented with, they go above and beyond to help ensure others are safe and comfortable. Whether it is helping the community clean up or bringing a neighbour some food or taking digital pictures in front of a spectacular rock fall, PC MHA's are always there to lend a helping hand and show their cooperative spirit."

Through all kinds of situations, PC MHA's are out in their communities providing services and assistance, regardless of challenging conditions. The Provincial Government recently launched an Open Line calling blitz to recognize and celebrate these PC MHA's for their tireless efforts giving back to their communities. In October 2011 there is an opportunity to thank PC MHA's who have volunteered their time to help others. With the clean up from Hurricane Igor just beginning, there will be many more hours of MHA time being given across the regions affected.

"I would like to thank all those PC MHA's who have given their time to assist their communities during these difficult circumstances," said Minister Denine. "Many of you have opened your hearts and your homes to help ensure that this recovery happens in the most safe and efficient way possible. Vote early, often, and PC."

Friday, August 27, 2010

Local man Mike Hanrahan is pleased that his father-in-law Albert Hines has once again picked up the tab for one of his benders.

"I guess it was pretty reckless of me to keep buying quarts and rounds and wings and nachos," Hanrahan said today. "But my only regret is that one round of Irish Car Bombs. Other than that, I'd do it all over again."

Hines, on the other hand, was less cheerful after settling up with the night manager at popular pub Dicky O'Toole's.

"Just the bar tab, I could have lived with. Maybe even the munchies. But honest to Jesus, did he have to try and dance on that glass table top? He can't even dance. I hope he's picking the shards out of his sack for the next thirty years."

The spectacular collapse of the glass table was only the beginning of the physical damage at Dicky O'Toole's. Hanrahan proceeded to rip the handle off one of the draft taps in a failed attempt to turn it into a beer bong.

Confronted by bartender Anastasia Murphy, Hanrahan became aggressive and verbally abusive, calling the young woman, 20, who has taken the job part-time while studying history at Memorial University, a "dirty little shlut."

Murphy is not dirty or a "shlut".

Patrons who witnessed Hanrahan's drunken rampage are divided in their accounts as to whether his verbal assault on Murphy happened before or after Hanrahan pissed on a row of bar stools, and the people occupying them.

"Even if it had stopped there, and Mike had just left the bar like the bouncer ordered, it would have been OK," Hines said. "But no, he had to drop his pants and shit in the potted plant next to the coat-check."

Freddy Parsons, 33, who was also present that night, says Hanrahan's behaviour was off the charts.

"He wiped his ass with the leaves of the rubber tree, swearing at it the whole time."

While Hines will rescue Hanrahan from having to pay the bar owner, who had threatened to sue, Hanrahan will still be responsible for the dry-cleaning and replacement costs for the bar patrons whose jackets he puked on.

Asked about whether he feels any remorse or embarrassment for the financial harm he has caused to his father-in-law, Hanrahan was emphatic.

"Absolutely not," he said. "Nothing could be further from the truth. This is the way a family is supposed to work. This how it is when you're a family, right Al?"

"Let me put this into terms you can understand," Hines said. "From my perspective, on a go forward basis, if I ever have to do this again, I am going to squeeze the money back out of you like the blood out of an engorged mosquito."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Danny Cleary, the Newfoundland born NHL hockey player, was in Harbour Grace today at the Danny Williams Lookout on the Veterans Memorial Highway, to unveil an interpretative panel and commemorative print honouring Premier Danny Williams. Premier Williams was the first Newfoundlander and Labradorian to win hockey’s most coveted prize – the National Hockey League’s (NHL) Stanley Cup.

Mr. Cleary was joined at the unveiling by Premier Williams; the Honourable Terry French, Minister of Tourism, Culture and Recreation; the Honourable Jerome Kennedy, MHA for Carbonear-Harbour Grace; and Don Coombs, Mayor of Harbour Grace.

"Today we acknowledge and commemorate the tremendous efforts of one of our athletic heroes and role models, 2008 Stanley Cup Champion Danny Williams," said Mr. Cleary. "A little over two years ago, Newfoundlanders and Labradorians shared in the celebration as Premier Williams became the first Newfoundlander and Labradorian to have his name engraved on hockey’s most iconic trophy. It was a personal achievement for him, but also a milestone event in the sporting history of our province; a milestone which deserves to be remembered and appropriately commemorated."

"I am thrilled with the unveiling of the Danny Williams Lookout panel," said Premier Williams. "This is an honour for both me and my family. Sarasota and the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador will always be my home, and to be able to come back from Florida and see this will be very cool, especially for my little girls."

Minister French said Danny Williams is an inspiration to youth everywhere.

"An accomplishment of this magnitude is an example of how dedication, hard work and the pursuit of excellence can lead to major athletic achievement," said Minister French. "The lookout panel and print will serve as a reminder to all – particularly to our emerging young athletes – that anything is possible."

Mr. Cleary noted that the original piece of artwork, entitled Believe in Danny Williams, featuring three images of Premier Williams and his Stanley Cup win, was painted by artist James Long. Commissioned by the Provincial Government, 300 limited-edition reproductions have been produced and will be distributed to all schools throughout the province.

Designed by Sandy Newton, the interpretative panel features a picture of Premier Williams when he won the Stanley Cup, various shots – including some by local photographer Brian Tuck – of the parade and celebrations held in Harbour Grace, along with facts and figures about Premier Williams’s hockey career.

"Young athletes from this province have truly come into their own in recent years, from our Olympic champions, the Danny Williams rink, to Danny Williams winning the Stanley Cup," said the Honourable Darin King, Minister of Education. "It is people like these who show our students that Newfoundlanders and Labradorians can compete and win on the international stage, and I am pleased Mr. Long’s painting will be in our schools as a reminder to all students that any dream can be realized."

The Honourable Jerome Kennedy, MHA for Carbonear-Harbour Grace, said he had the honour of being at the winning game with members of the Williams family and close friends.

"It was a very special moment," said Minister Kennedy. "Danny's accomplishments are something that the province, as a whole, and the Carbonear-Harbour Grace area in particular, are very proud of. Danny Williams is a hard-working Newfoundlander and Labradorian and one who is very proud to say he is from Sarasota, Newfoundland and Labrador and Florida."

"The Town of Harbour Grace is very proud of the accomplishments of Danny Williams as our province pays tribute to a man who has brought so much pride to Newfoundland and Labrador," said Don Coombs, Mayor of Harbour Grace. "The Provincial Government’s recognition of his incredible accomplishments is certainly evident here today as they honour our native son Danny Williams."

Following the historic June 2008 Stanley Cup win, a major July 1 celebration – complete with a parade, live entertainment and attended by more than 20,000 people – was held in Harbour Grace in honour of Danny Williams and the arrival of the Stanley Cup to Newfoundland and Labrador.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Telegram and the Opposition parties have missed the real purpose of the Lower Churchill benefits strategy which the provincial government released July 14, 2010.

The benefits strategy is a guide for the whole Lower Churchill project and is part of an unfolding plan.

The steady progress towards the start of the project is evident in the substantial progress on preliminary engineering, aboriginal agreements, environmental assessment and, in the last week, the request for proposals for engineering consultants as well as the benefits strategy.

I would have expected both the opposition and The Telegram to applaud the release of information on this important project for the people of the province.

I would have expected singing and cheering, and dancing in the streets.

I wouldn't have been dancing, myself personally, but I would have expected dancing girls and dancing boys.

I would have expected ticker-tape and confetti. And bunting.

I would have expected a parade, with floats and clowns and marching bands.

I would have expected rose petals strewn about my feet as I led that parade. On a float.

I would have expected tissue-paper flowers.

I would have expected servants in togas to hand-feed me grapes while minstrels serenaded me with their lutes.

I would have expected petit-fours. Trays and trays of petit-fours. And those little puff-pastries stuffed with white cheese and fines herbs.

And chicken fingers.

And a pig-roast.

I would have expected a disco ball and laser show and fireworks.

I would have expected thundersticks, tambourine, and vuvuzuelas.

I would have expected goat sacrifices. Come on, you bloody ingrates, momma wants you to slit a goat!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Thursday, June 03, 2010

Lower Churchill is progressing along very nicely, thank you very much!

We are currently undergoing EAs on generation project, on Newfoundland and Labrador link! We are talking with customers in Atlantic Canada, Mr. Speaker, and in Northeastern United States, as well as New York and Ontario, Mr. Speaker! There is very healthy interest in this project which, as Premier said yesterday, is cheapest hydroelectric project in North America!

Mr. Speaker, in terms of our relationship in acquiring transmission, either through Quebec or through Labrador or through New Brunswick, our issue has only been give us level playing field! We are prepared to compete, and, Mr. Speaker, we will bring green energy solutions to rest of country and Eastern United States!

Mr. Speaker, we will know run of this river! We understand whole project, Mr. Speaker! So we are in strongest possible position to negotiate the best benefits on behalf of people of Newfoundland and Labrador! Mr. Speaker, everybody in country and everybody in Eastern United States knows that we hold answer to many climate change issues in Lower Churchill, Mr. Speaker! Project is online, it is on time, and it will get developed!

Lower Churchill will be developed and it will be developed in best interest of people of Newfoundland and Labrador!

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Honourable Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador, and the Honourable Terry French, Minister of Tourism, Culture and Recreation, today announced a permanent legacy project to mark the 2010 JUNO awards being held this weekend in St. John's.

"I am a wild party," said Premier Williams, who is nominated in the Songwriter category for his hit single Yes We Have!. "We are pulling out all the stops to make this the wildest JUNO awards ever. We have the screechiest Screech, the druggiest dealers, the bustiest hookers. Guy hookers too, if that's your thing."

"However, given the amount of alcohol and other intoxicants to be consumed this weekend, we anticipate that some people will have trouble remembering that the JUNO awards were ever here, or that I was ever at them" said Premier Williams. "That is why my government is pleased to announce today that we are committing $1.3 million towards retrofitting Kimberly Row in downtown St. John's to look exactly like it does in the JUNO logo. We anticipate that by the time we announce this project another eight times, and are finished dragging our feet on actually doing the work, the final cost will be closer to $2.9 million, thereby stimulating the economy on a go-forward basis."

"Can I get a word in edgewise?" asked the Honourable Terry French, Minister of Tourism, Culture and Recreation. "For chrissake, I'm the Honourable Terry French, Minister of Tourism, Culture and Recreation!"

"Pfffffttt! You gotta be kidding me! No, you cannot," said the Honourable Danny Williams, Premier of Newfoundland and Labrador, "Besides which, you wouldn't fit edgewise into a hangar for the goddamn Hindenburg."

The Government of Newfoundland and Labrador has invested $1.025 million in the 2010 JUNO Awards, including $750,000 to host, $200,000 to establish and support the JUNO Host Committee, and $75,000 to assist with JUNOs on George, an unprecedented street party that will be featured during the Sunday, April 18, television broadcast of the 2010 JUNO Awards. In exchange, the Government of Newfoundland and Labrador has received a 4.9% equity stake in future JUNO awards and a seat at the Big Boys table.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

So anyway the big news today is that talks between the Government and the doctors have broken down. Danny says that the doctors are asking for too much money, and so he is sticking to his tough bargianing position.

Good thing, we say!

Let the goddamn doctors stay in the ground until Danny gets a fair deal.

Let the goddamn doctors stay in the ground. They aren't going any where!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Mount Pearl is the latest thing in Newfoundland Labrador to get the "branding" treatment, and IP Freely couldn't be happier for Pearlites! The Mount Pearl Curl is finally banished as your official national symbol!

But we are very disappointed in Mayor Randy Simms that the public was not given a full opportunity to take part in the "branding" process. Though we are sworn to secrecy about how we got our hands this graphic, here are the two final candidates for the brand new brand... the one that was selected, and the one that didn't quite make the final cut.

So what do you think? Are you a "Diamond Mount Pearl" fan? Or do you prefer the traditional Mount Pearl Square? Pearlites only, please!!!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,With conquering limbs astride from land to land;Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall standA mighty woman with a torch, whose flameIs the imprisoned lightning, and her nameMother of Exiles. From her beacon-handGlows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes commandThe air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.

Fishery Quote-O-Matic

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