Autism and a Trip to the Grocery Store

I have found over the years that my life shrinks and expands in direct proportion to what kind of day my child is having. And nothing causes my world to contract more drastically than a disastrous outing to the grocery store with Arthur. The vibrant colors and overwhelming choice in the mustard section alone can be overwhelming for me. Imagine how the cereal aisle must be for Arthur.

When Arthur is in sensory overload, confused or frustrated, he becomes dysregulated. This can translate into a screaming, pinching himself or others, bolting toward exits, or knocking over displays. How do other shoppers tell the difference between a child with a disability behaving in a way that is consistent with his or her diagnosis or an out-of-control bratty kid with lazy parents? They can’t and I experience the disapproving glares and the “tsk-tsk” to prove it.

I’ve abandoned shopping baskets filled with groceries, lurched after propelled carts, apologized for watermelons that served as bowling balls and quietly placed half-eaten candy bars on the conveyor belt.

I do the best I can to balance not disrupting other shoppers and giving Arthur an opportunity to be a part of his community. I realize there are social norms and rules to be followed and for this reason we’ve given up other public outings. Waiting in line at the bank, going to the mall, and most restaurants are not currently a part of our routine.

So why bring him to the grocery store? A trip to the market was a skill and potential pleasure I felt he needed and deserved for his future. The common routine, interacting with others, the basic necessity of buying food and the simple pleasure of selecting what you plan to eat is something I have prioritized as vital for my son.

Thus began our efforts for a successful trip to the grocery store. With the help of a behavioral consultant, we broke the complex task into small steps and identified all aspects that would contribute to accomplishment in the aisles.

Here is a short video of our recent trip to the store:

Strategies for a successful trip to the grocery store:

Safety. When possible, I use our disability parking placard and park close to the market in case he has a melt-down and runs from the store to the car. Like so many parents of children with autism, I wear sneakers and a backpack so my hands are free, and keep my car keys handy.

Short and sweet. We keep our grocery list and time spent at the store brief. For the first several months, we started with just a few items on our shopping list and have now built up to 10 or 15 items.

Dry erase board. We write down the grocery list in the order items are displayed in the store. We review this list together before entering the store. This means saving my longer grocery list for another visit without my son.

Predictable. Only buy those items on the list. This can be challenging when you realize you forgot to write Mac and Cheese. That one unexpected item can actually be upsetting if your child is rigid and inflexible. On the flip side, I have also found those unexpected items are an opportunity to teach flexibility—that life includes unforeseen events in the form of an unanticipated box of Mac and Cheese.

Involve. Arthur is expected to push the cart, select and put the items in the cart, place contents on the conveyor belt, and stay near the cashier until the groceries are bagged.

Go often. Taking Arthur to the grocery store once or twice each week is now part of his routine and something he expects and even looks forward to.

Visual and verbal prompts. A trip to the grocery store always includes the following prompts; stop, stay by me, wait in line, and wait.

Reward and celebrate. As Arthur mastered the basic skills of shopping, he was rewarded along the way with prizes and lots of praise. Currently Arthur loves Butterfinger candy bars, which is always the last item listed on our grocery list. Keeping his “eyes on the prize” encourages him to stay motivated, attentive and happy.

Get back on the horse. Not all trips to the grocery store end in triumph and when things don’t go so well, I remind myself that success emerged from routine and persistence. Trying again (and again and again) is an important part of the learning process for Arthur.

Because Arthur acts differently and does not always follow the social norms, it’s as if he holds a mirror up to humanity. I watch as he brings out the very best (and sometimes the worst) in people. A delightful outcome has been the kindness and patience I see others give to my son. Better than sympathy or tolerance is the sincere desire to better understand autism, my son’s needs, and his fundamental role in our society.

Go Arthur.

And a big shout-out to the good folks at my neighborhood Safeway on 23rd and Madison in Seattle.

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6 Comments to “Autism and a Trip to the Grocery Store”

Katrina, thx. for sharing the video. I was glad to put a face with Arthur. We do a lot of similar work with Annaliese at the grocery store. The organization of the grease board, and letting him/her drive the cart, and check off etc. Anna is working on basic cooking skills using her groceries. Have a great summer!

Hi Katrina,
You know me, you helped me get my son Cam on the SIBS waiver and you helped me get the most relaxing trip to wine country through the CAREGIFTED Program.

I run a high school program for students with severe autism. My students are nonverbal and they use aggression as their preferred form of communication. We are teaching my students ways to communicate to get their needs met without aggression using ipads with apps such as My Talk and Proloquo2go. I have been running this program in the Federal Way School District since the late 1990’s. I am glad that people are finally realizing that our kids grow up and they need to go to the grocery store and out into the community. My program is community-based because our children do not learn by counting play money and by pretending to buy plastic food in our mock grocery stores. So much goes into learning to use a grocery store. When my students get out of the van, they need to learn to not run in the parking lot. They must learn to walk and watch for cars. When they get to the entrance of the store, they must learn to get a cart or a basket. The cart or basket also serves as a way to ground students who are overstimulated or want to bolt. I must teach my students how to use a cart and how to calmly walk down aisles. Next my students need to learn to use a picture grocery list. The picture grocery list tells them what them must find and that our trip to the grocery store has a purpose. My students learn to navigate through the different sections of the grocery store. When you walk down the grocery aisle, you can find fresh vegetables and fruit. When you go tot he bakery section, you can find cookies and donuts and bread. My students learn to look at their picture grocery list, (or at their penulitmate app on their ipads that has their grocery list in it), and they find the items. Next they have to learn how to place the items carefully into the cart. You cannot throw eggs into your cart or they will break. Once they have found the items on this list, they must navigate to the cashier and check out. Here they learn to wait in line. You cannot leave your cart and wander off. They also learn to stay in their own personal space. Yes the beard of the guy in front of you may look really cool, but you cannot touch his beard. It is not polite to try to touch the person’s braces and yell, “Hey brace face!” After they wait in line and it is their turn they must carefully put their items on the conveyer belt for scanning and check out. Once again they have to learn to be careful. One cannot throw eggs on the conveyer belt. One cannot put a gallon of milk on top of a bag of chips. Next when the clerk say hello, you must use your communication device to say hello back. Then you must get ready to pay. I teach my students to use dollar up or I teach them to use a debit card. Our kids can be taught how to punch in their PIN into a debit card machine. After they hand the money to the cashier, they learn to wait for change and take their receipt. They then must put their groceries into their cart and exit the store in a calm manner. They must watch for cars and walk to the van. Groceries do not load themselves so they learn to take their groceries out of their carts and carefully place the groceries in the van. I do not want to run over a bunch of carts so they learn to put the carts away. When we get back to school they learn to unload the groceries, walk to our kitchen and put the groceries away. Cold groceries go into the fridge. Frozen groceries go into the freezer and canned and packaged groceries go into our cupboards. They learn to put the bags away, take their receipts and walk back to class. Grocery shopping is complicated and it is hard to teach all of the steps involved. It must be done. Our kids are getting older. When my son is 50, I will be 85 years old. He needs to learn how to do these things for himself even if he makes mistakes. If you ever want to see this grocery shopping routine in practice, you are welcome to join us at the Safeway in Federal Way on 288th and Military Road on Monday mornings at 9:30am.

You both are amazing… when I think if how brave our kids with autism have to be to do simple things I have more and more respect for them. My daughter is 3 and also has autism. I’m glad she has people like Arthur to look up to who will teach her never to give up. Strong work Arthur!!

Thank you for sharing this. Shopping is a favorite activity for my son and your story is so familiar. We go often to the store he chooses but usually only for one or two items. He has gone to the same stores for many years and knows many of the cashiers by name. Familiarity makes it easier but there is not time to ponder or comparison shop or I can be sure there would be some destructive behavior, running away or grabbing something and taking a bite out of it. Short and sweet keeps it a successful experience for all.

1. See whether wearing sunglasses while shopping reduces number of colors that upset Arthur?

2. Experiment with writing “unexpected need” on the white board to cover the occasional last-minute need. Great to account for the unexpected on the board. Might make it easier for him to allow for that.

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Seattle Children’s provides healthcare for the special needs of children regardless of race, color, creed, national origin, religion, sex (gender), sexual orientation or disability. Financial assistance for medically necessary services is based on family income and hospital resources and is provided to children under age 21 whose primary residence is in Washington, Alaska, Montana or Idaho.