Thursday, October 13, 2011

eViL G's Weekly Picks for October 15th

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Exhibit A

﻿﻿Greetings from the Sunshine State. This week's sponsors include, but are not limited to, just about any product or service whose target audience does not have a penis...Cooking Light Magazine, the Oprah Winfrey Network, Michael Buble's next CD, you name it.

What used to be the Ike Turner Memorial Bachelor Pad (2003-2007) has been invaded, infiltrated and downright liberated by mRs. eViL G's younger sister and niece, who flew down from Buffalo Wednesday morning for a long weekend in God's Country.

If you're scoring at home, that's a female-to-male ratio of 4:1 once you factor in the wife and stepdaughter. This place is oozing with estrogen and other unexplained hormones, so for the most part I've been on my best behavior. The last time this many women were in my cozy little condo, I was not married. That's all I have to say about that, because I am happily married.

Under normal circumstances I'd probably make some sexist comment about expecting a hot meal and a clean house when I get home from work, but my mother reads this blog and I'm not trying to get throat punched in a couple weeks when we head home for the annual Cocktail Party in Jacksonville. Therefore I would ask that you refer to Exhibit A.

I didn't say it mama, so don't throat punch the messenger.

That's all I got...

PICKS!!

Georgia at Vanderbilt

Florida State at Duke

Alabama at Ole Miss

LSU at Tennessee

Speaking of 4:1 ratios, I'm doing a 4-for-1 pick here, because these four matchups are all essentially the same game. The home team gets mauled by a superior opponent, with the possible exception of UGA looking average against a better than usual, yet still average Vandy squad. Tennessse fans, good luck against LSU without your starting QB and top playmaker, and welcome to my world. Take the average score of each game, and you get...

Road Team - 41.75

Home Team - 12.25

Ohio State at Illinois

The Fighting Zookers are undefeated and bowl eligible, but they've got an upcoming gauntlet of Penn State, Michigan and Wisconsin looming in a couple weeks. Ohio State's QB is expected to play after spraining his ankle last week, but Illinois is playing at home and Zook has a knack for knocking off the Buckeyes more often than he should.

Illini - 23

Buckeyes - 21

South Carolina at Mississippi State

Earlier this week we all learned the answer to the age-old question, "How many failed drug tests does it take to get kicked off South Carolina's football team?". Now that we know the answer, you can expect several current UF players to request a transfer. Spurrier exorcises his Starkville demons while Dan Mullen's rose loses a few more blooms. The big maroon honeymoon is just about over.

Goodbye Garcia - 19

Hello Losing Season - 3

Oklahoma State at Texas

The current state of Texas football is somewhat similar to my beloved Gators, in that they're breaking in a bunch of freshmen in key positions, the coaching staff went though some transition and they just got pounded by the best team(s) in their region. Mack Brown is also extremely overrated, in spite of Colin Cowherd's mancrush. Mark my words, Oklahoma State will give Oklahoma all they can handle next month. And like Oklahoma, they'll pound the snot out of Texas on Saturday.

Pokes - 42

Horns - 17

Arizona State at Oregon

My contract with Blogger states that I must pick at least three PAC-12 games throughout the season, so here goes. Oregon beats Arizona State in spite of LaMichael James sitting this one out. One down, two to go...

Ducks - 41

Sun Devils - 23

And finally....

Florida at Auburn

The NCAA cleared Auburn of any wrongdoing in the recruitment of Cam Newton. The NCAA also found nothing suspicious about Casey Anthony's alleged involvement in her daughter's death. The NCAA expects the NBA lockout to end later this evening. The NCAA prefers Ginger to Mary Anne, and despite millions of dollars spent on advertising, marketing and product packaging, the NCAA still actually believes it IS butter.

The NCAA thinks Florida's offense is a well-oiled machine, and the NCAA was recently quoted as saying, "UF's defensive front has really lived up to the pre-season hype...Ronald Powell is a sure-fire Butkus Award finalist". The NCAA views Auburn as a poster child for compliance, much like the NCAA views Charlie Weis as the poster child for wellness. The NCAA describes Will Muschamp's sideline demeanor as "poised and stoic".