On
March 9, 2005, the New York Press published a piece
by columnist Matt Taibbi, which proved so controversial that
it resulted in the resignation of Taibbi’s editor, and ultimately
Taibbi himself. The column, originally published under the
headline “The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death
of the Pope” (nypress.com/article-11215-the-52-funniest-things-about-the-upcoming-death-of-the-pope-html)
was denounced by then-Sen. Hillary Clinton and others. It
has recently come to light, however, that the entire column
was the result of an activist, junior copy editor. This is
the original version, which was provided by sources who wish
to remain anonymous:

The
52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of Popeye

52.
The desperate scrambling and spinning of spinach-industry
PR flacks.

51. After death, hair, nails and forearms continue to grow.

50. Abe Vigoda chuckles maniacally.

49. Meat-eating wimp outlives veggie-huffing tough guy.

48. After bitter argument, Swee’pea left out of will, deposited
on doorstep of Drawn Together house.

47. Due to anchor tattoos, can’t be buried in Jewish cemetery
with life-partner, Olive Oyl.

8. At graveside, Bluto weeps openly, not just at the reminder
of his own mortality but at the sharp edge of buried, unnameable
feelings that he has ineffectively numbed with beer and simmering
rage for decades.

7. Surprises himself by suddenly reconsidering his opinion
of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, now ranking it just below
Rashomon but just above Happy Gilmore.

6. On the day death is announced nationally, power goes out
in all of Chester, Ill., for 11 hours.

5. The obituary in The New York Times, prepared months
in advance, contains a dramatic and mysterious typo, which
contributes, directly, to three separate conspiracy theories
and one cult, over time.