Saturday, July 17, 2004

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!

This isn't even going to be about how I was at the seaplane terminal at 7:20 this morning waiting to pick up the boyfriend...only to find he wasn't on the 7:00 seaplane from St. Croix....even though he called me just before I left the house to assure me he would be...or that I then assumed they'd (he and the other band members) be on the 8:00 plane because the planes are tiny and they got to the terminal late and maybe they got bumped?...or how I sat at the seaplane terminal for another hour, blithely reading the paper...only to discover he wasn't on the next plane either...and how I then flew into a panic because I was really mystified where the hell he was and we don't have cell phones and what the fuck?...or how the light bulb over my head finally blinked on when it occurred to me that maybe he was on a 'real' plane and sitting at the airport...or how I ran to the car which clear over in the next parking lot at the post office because the seaplane parking lot was full when I arrived...and how I drove like a bat out of hell to the aiport only to find it nearly empty, screaming at him in my head that he didn't correct me every time I said "seaplane" the last two days...and how I pulled into the first hotel I saw after leaving the airport and ran into the office to ask if they had a pay phone and change for one, only to be told by the clerk she didn't have any coins but would let me use a house phone...and how I called the house only to have the boyfriend answer and both of us yell simultaneously, "Where were you?!"...and how I then drove like a maniac toward home because I had his drums in the car and he needed to catch the 10:00 ferry to St. John (which is on the opposite end of the island from the airport) to play another gig...or how I got stuck behind an Isuzu Trooper by the stadium and had to follow it clear up Mafolie Hill and around the tortuous, narrow, windy detour and all the way down Magens Bay Road...and how I screamed at the driver of the Trooper the entire way because he refused to go over 20 miles an hour...and how I ended up convincing myself that if I had a handgun I'd easily take him out and feel no remorse...and how I became sure that he was either old or drunk or both...only to have him pull into our infamous neighborhood outdoor bar (ah HA!). No, this is not about that.

This is about how in the last half hour we have had not one, not two, but THREE humungous, scary-ass looking, gigantor flying black bugs magically appear in our living room. This is a Buick with wings, people. Imagine a black insect about TWO INCHES LONG with wings and a long TAIL?!...STINGER?! We have (good) screens on all the doors and windows so we have absolutely no idea how the hell they got inside...or even scarier, if they've been inside for awhile and have been lying in wait only to come out in force to scare the bejezus out of us on our relaxing Saturday night. We have one of those tennis racket-style mosquito zappers which the boyfriend has just learned will daze these scary suckers long enough to get them outside. But they all appear to have traveled down the hall into the living room. So a few minutes ago you would have seen us wandering around our bedroom and bathroom trying to figure out how these monsters managed to infiltrate our sanctuary...and even more nervously, wondering if there are more just waiting to make their presence known.