goes on. The Simpsons even satirized the tactic in their episode "The
Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show," in which Homer is chosen to
voice Poochie, an obnoxious, kid-friendly dude added to the Itchy and
Scratchy show to boost failing ratings. Has The Sopranos succumbed to
such a time-worn ploy with their addition of Steve Buscemi?

By the end of it's previous season, The Sopranos' ratings had slipped
dramatically. Rumors abounded that the show was in danger of being toppled
in the cable world by SpongeBob. Critics complained that the show had
lost its edge. During an interminable 16-month hiatus, the show's star,
James Gandolfini, was embroiled in a legal battle with HBO, at one point
threatening even to quit. Could the producers of the Soprano's have panicked?

The History
of the Adorable Ratings Grab.

Quite possibly the first -- and most definitive -- "new kid in town"
was Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch. During its last season, in the face
of falling ratings, the Brady Bunch introduced "adorable" little
Cousin Oliver (Robbie Rist) in an effort to inject the show with new life.
The results were famously awful. Cousin Oliver has since become the mascot
of the Adorable Ratings Grab technique -- so much so that the words of
introduction uttered by Mr. Brady ("this is your cousin, Oliver")
have become a code among television geeks to indicate the moment in a
show's existence that presages its imminent downfall.

For many, the most hurtful and egregious case of the Adorable Ratings
Grab occurred on Diff'rent Strokes. In 1984, child-actor Danny Cooksey
was introduced on the show as little Sam McKinney, the son of Mr. Drummond's
new wife. On other family sitcoms, the need for a new cute character was
often necessitated by puberty -- the formerly cute character hadn't aged
well -- but this obviously

wasn't even a consideration in the case of Diff'rent Strokes. Some fans
have never recovered from this unconcealed betrayal of their hero, Arnold
Jackson (Gary Coleman). There are grown men who still refuse to discuss
the final two seasons.

Some of the angriest fan reactions are reserved for Raven Simone's intrusion
into The Cosby Show. Jump
the Shark -- a website that chronicles the moments when TV shows go
bad -- offers a forum for the public to discuss the long-lasting bitterness
and confusion that results when a new character is introduced to a popular
sitcom. A former fan of the Cosby Show posted this on Jump the Shark:
"Raven Simone killed this show when she brought her little ass on!!!
She also killed Hangin' With Mr. Cooper."

"Two words," wrote another to address what killed The Cosby
Show: "Raven Simone."

A similarly incensed fan wrote that the show died the moment "when
Rudy grew a moustache. It's true. The minute she grew up and they added
that brat Raven Simone the show skidded out of control down an icy hill
of bad comedy."

The award for the Most Absurd Plotline to Introduce a New Adorable Cast-member
goes to Growing Pains. During its final season, Growing Pains added the
then 16-year-old (and relatively unknown) Leonardo DiCaprio in a desperate
attempt to retain viewers. He played a homeless boy that Mike Seaver (Kirk
Cameron) worked with at "The Community Health Clinic." The generic
name of the place reveals the depth of thought to which the show's writers
aspired when they conceived his character. In an absurd plot twist, the
Seavers decided to take him in. After a few episodes, Leonardo's character
finally left town with his father (who suddenly and inexplicably reappeared)
to somehow assist him in opening up a gas station in Arizona. The only
one who feels any lingering anger about this case of the Adorable Ratings
Grab is probably Leonardo DiCaprio himself.

Lest we forget Chachi in Happy Days, Jeremy (Ralph Macchio) on Eight
is Enough, Albert on Little House on the Prarie, Vicki on The Love Boat

Will and Grace and Steve.

Currently, with scripted shows panicked over the monolith of reality
television, tactics such as the Adorable Ratings Grab have come back in
style. Will and Grace, for example, has shamelessly utilized the technique's
ugly step-sister: the Famous Guest Star. Over the past season the list
of guest stars that Will and Grace has paraded in front of its audience
ranges from Sharon Osbourne to James Earl Jones, including any and all
available actors -- like, the very available J-Lo -- in between.

And now the Sopranos have, of course, introduced Steve Buscemi. He plays
Tony Blundetto, Tony Sopranos' first cousin and childhood friend. At the
start of this season, Tony Blundetto is released from prison, and his
family members are surprised by the former mobster's new dream career:
to be a licensed massage therapist.

Is Steve Buscemi Adorable?

The questions remains: if The Sopranos attempted
to make an Adorable Ratings Grab, does that mean Steve Buscemi is supposed
to be cute? Well, in this post-modern, post-post-ironic, Adrien Brody-as-sex-symbol
age, Steve Buscemi is actually considered by many to be -- if not a sex
symbol -- then at least cute.

Terry Zwigoff, who directed Steve Buscemi in the
movie Ghost World, spoke about Steve's strange sex appeal in a documentary
about the making of the film. He admits that he had always thought Steve
was "somewhat funny-looking," until one day his wife overheard
them talking on the phone and reacted with a surprising excitement. "There's
only one guy in Hollywood you have to worry about leaving me alone in
the room with," she told him, "it's Steve Buscemi." Mr.
Zwigoff, however, dismissed his wife's opinion. "I think my wife's
a little weird, you know, because she's with me," the nebbishy, nasal-voiced
director said.

Although, admittedly, sexiness is subjective, one
might reasonably think that a majority of us could agree that Steve Buscemi
does not fill the description (Indie filmaker's wives notwithstanding).
His fan's websites, however, reveal a different story.

One fan -- "Jess" -- places Buscemi squarely
at the top of her list of Hollywood Cuties. "We all know that Steve
Buscemi is the cream of the crop," she writes on her website, The
Steve Buscemi Tribute Page. Jess goes on, however, to reveal a rather
strange taste in men. Her list of "runner ups [that] are considered
other Hollywood Hotties" includes: David Schwimmer ("It should
be illegal for a man to look this good."), Tobey Macguire ("I
first seen (sic) this studmuffin in Pleasantville"), and Jeff Daniels
(although she admits, "I'll have to say the hottie factor was non-existent
in Dumb and Dumber").

Other sites devoted to Buscemi also testify to
his unusual sex appeal. One chat group denizen declares, "i for one
think steve is the SEXIEST MAN ALIVE better yet, EVER." Another writes,
"i will never understand how someone can find *steve* unattractive...he's
sooo beautiful...." One young woman gushes, "i think steve is
the sexiest 'weird sexiest man' alive." Another writes, "Steve
Buscemi is GOD!"

On the more rational side of the spectrum, one
site dubs Buscemi "The
Indie King" and raves about his prolific talent (acted in over
80 movies, wrote and directed several more), his philanthropy (for causes
like pediatric AIDS, 9/11 victims' families, and the ethical treatment
of animals), his little-known past as a New York City firefighter (1980-1984
for Engine Company No. 55 in the Little Italy section of New York), and
his heroism (spent several days after 9/11 in his old uniform helping
pick through debris, and refusing to be interviewed or photographed).

If you, dear reader, are among the poor souls
who find themselves unable to cope with their adoration of Steve Buscemi,
not to worry; one site offers guidance on "how to deal with those
obsessive feelings for Steve." Psychiatric Help For the Buscemied
-- or "P.H.F.
Buscemi" as the page is officially titled -- was founded by "Anna,"
who first realized she might have had a problem when she was on the web
"searching for nude pictures of guess who." She offers her website
as a place for the fellow Buscemi-obsessed to "express your feelings,
reach out to others like you, and be a pervert about it in general."

"It's like a chiropractor," he explains to them, "just
not as prestigious." The following episodes, however, reveal Blundetto's
resolve to go legit to be rather weak. He blows coke, blows $10,000 through
gambling, and blows his shot to open a massage parlor by beating the crap
out of the financial backer. He finally asks his cousin to give him a
job back in the family business, stirring up old tensions and rivalries.
One senses he was marked for death from the start.

Unfortunately, the Adorable Ratings Grab has been seemingly unsuccessful
for the Sopranos. The ratings have been steadily declining despite the
introduction of Buscemi's character -- although, of course, that's hardly
surprising considering that shows like the Sopranos draw a tremendous
amount of viewers for their much-hyped premieres -- but more importantly,
the individual reactions of the Sopranos' diehard fans reveal that Mr.
Buscemi's reception has been, at best, mixed.

To some, the casting of Steve Buscemi in the show represented a return
to the inspired convention-breaking tone of the first couple of seasons.
Back then, early fans loved the Sopranos' playful juxtaposition of stereotypes:
a tough-talking gangster in a therapist's office, a mob boss as a suburban
dad, a group of urban mobsters lost in the Pine Barrens. The show poked
fun at the audience's expectations and reflexive typecasting. It forced
viewers to consider the humanity of Tony Soprano, a man we would be quick
to judge if all we knew about him is that he is a mafia boss. The show
seemed to lose this aspect in its last season, but with the introduction
of Steve Buscemi (a quintessential dorky everyman) playing a violent,
tough-talking mobster in this one, it appeared to be returning to form.

To others, however, the introduction of Steve Buscemi was a catastrophe.
One fan wrote into a Sopranos' chatroom, "the adding of some of these
no-name, washed-up actors like Steve Buscemi have beeen a disaster for
the show this season get rid of these losers!" Another decries
Buscemi's physical appearance, "totally out of place as a soon-to-be
returned gangster. He looks like he is anemic, or dying of aids."
Other fans plead for his dismissal: "Please HBO, cut their budget
so they can afford to use only the regular cast." One fan even wrote
into a chatroom to gain authorization from her fellow non-workers for
a more final type of removal: "my permission to have Steve Buscemi
whacked."

It remains to be seen whether Steve Buscemi's impact on the show will
ultimately be as disastrous as Cousin Oliver's was to the Brady Bunch,
or instead mark a return to the show's compellingly quirky past. Whatever
the case, hopefully Mr. Buscemi will look back at his time on the show
as fondly as his forefather in the Adorable Ratings Grab -- Robbie Rist
(Cousin Oliver) -- looks back on the Brady Bunch.

When Mr. Rist was asked by Brady
World -- a website devoted to everything Brady -- about his experience
on the show, he said:

"The cast was great (my little boy crush on Susan Olsen already
well established), I had school for three hours on the set (much better
than REAL school) and for six weeks I had a job. Afterward, The Brady
Bunch remained a high point on my resume for years. I still get recognized
on the street constantly (it's really weird when some little Latino kids
run up to you and are jabbering away in Spanish until the words "Brady
Bunch" come out! Or when I got recognized in Rome. It is indeed a
small world after all.) and I think having that Brady thing helps me in
voice over (pretty much my job now)."

Well then. As for Steve Buscemi, I personally hold onto two hopes for
his post-Sopranos' life: 1) that he will never refer to speech in a language
he doesn't understand as "jabbering", and 2) that any future
gig does not involve providing the voice-over for the character of Michelangelo
in an installment of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle series.