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You are Not Alone

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

It is a week plus
four days since he has been gone. I’m sorry that I’m still counting. Moreover,
I’m sorry that I will still write about songs from my “loneliness mixtape”.
Well, what do you expect? Loneliness is my best friend nowadays. This very
morning I woke up at 02:00 am after four hours sleeping and I couldn’t go back
to sleep again. I miss him too much. I miss him; too much that it hurts. I miss
him; too much that it’s killing me. I devastatingly miss him. Oh God, I miss
him. I miss him until I don’t know what to say or what else to write. Shit. I
miss him. I woke up with my whole body aching from missing him. I miss him with
all of my body and soul. When we love someone, when we are in a relationship
with someone, I believe that we are emotionally connected with our significant
other. Hence I actually have nothing to worry about. I believe he misses me
too. I can feel it. Though he doesn’t show or say it, I can feel it. Though we
are physically apart with our significant other, we are emotionally connected.
Hence I have something to be grateful for; I am not alone. I might be lonely
but I am not alone. He is here with me; in my deepest heart.

“Every day I sit and ask myself,
how did love slip away?” –Michael Jackson, You Are Not Alone

This song I would
like to discuss about this time is performed by the legendary King of Pop, Michael Jackson. It is
titled “You Are Not Alone”. The R n’ B ballad track was released on August 15th
1995 as the second single taken from the legend’s ninth studio album, “HIStory:
Past, Present and Future, Book I”, or simply called as “HIStory”. Directed by
Wayne Isham, an official accompany music video for this song was starring the
legend’s then-wife, Lisa Marie Presley, and was notable for the semi-nudity
scenes. “You Are Not Alone” was written by Robert Kelly, or famous as his stage
name, R. Kelly. Lyrically, this song is about love and isolation; an isolation
that comes after losing close people in life, which I believe, many people has
experienced that. Well, I experience it right now, more or less. For me, it
feels almost the same as when my Grandpa died and when my Grandma died: it is
the kind of loss that I cannot replace. Strangely enough, my partner hummed
this song during our last night together right before he left this town. It is
as if he tried to reassure me that, “Hey
Mashita, my love, you are not alone, I am here with you.”

"You Are Not Alone" single cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

When facing the
reality of separation, the first thing that most of us do is a denial. It is
our first self defense mechanism as a human; to deny for something that we
could not believe would happen, but it happens anyway. Hence we deny it.
Perhaps we can face the fact that we are left alone now and days have passed
ever since our significant other left. However, most of the times we still
cannot accept it. We spend the whole day wondering how this all could be
happening; why we are left alone without our significant other beside us. We
waste the whole night questioning how it went wrong that we have lost it all
now; why our significant other had to go and left our world so cold. And that
is what happens every time the dark side of myself is taking over. “Another day has gone, I’m still all alone.
How could this be? You’re not here with me. You never said goodbye. Someone
tell me, why did you have to go and leave my world so cold?” We have this
self-denial and self-rejected that our significant other left us because we are
not that significant.

However then, there
comes a time when the fears subside, and though the shadow still remains, a dim
light has come upon us to make us realize that our self-denial and
self-rejected is only inside our head. One night we will realize that our
significant other is actually hurt too from leaving us. It only takes one phone
call for us to realize that we are not the only one who is in pain and
devastation; so is our significant other. When two people are in love, no
matter how far they have to part, they will always be in each other’s heart.
When two people sincerely love each other, no matter how far they are apart,
they always long for one another. One day we will understand the cry for help
of our significant other; a cry that is pleading to be able to be together
again. “Just the other night, I thought I
heard you cry, asking me to come and hold you in my arms. I can hear your
prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can
begin.” And yes, it takes two to tango. It does too in a long distance
relationship.

Every time the dark
side of us takes over and makes us wondering why it all happened, just remind
ourselves that we are actually not alone. We are here to stay because we
believe that no matter how far, love will bring them back. They are always here
in our heart because we believe that no matter how far, love will always win.
Though we are physically apart with our significant other, our souls are
connected. “Every day I sit and ask
myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says that you
are not alone. I am here with you, though you’re far away. I am here to stay.
You are not alone. I am here with you, though we’re far apart. You’re always in
my heart.” People say that it is not distance that separates lovers, but
silence does. Well I guess they have a point. There is no place that far in the
name of love. There is no distance that could not be reached for the sake of
love. Just say that we miss them. And make an effort to see them. “Whisper three words and I’ll come running,
and girl you know that I’ll be there, I’ll be there.”

"HIStory" album cover | source: en.wikipedia.org

At times, darkness
consumes me. It says that I am worthless and not significant hence he left me;
hence he made a decision to leave. It forces me to wonder what I have done
wrong until he decided to leave me alone here to die in loneliness. It pushes
me to ask why it all must happen to me, to us. It says that I am not good
enough, not beautiful enough, not sexy enough, and not worthy enough for him to
stand beside me and fight for us. It tells me that I have nothing for him to
hold onto. It speaks to me that he just wanted to run away from me since I am
this sick and boring person. At times, this darkness got over me so well. And
when I am so down, he calls. He calls and in a sudden I realize that it is all
only inside my head; those fears, insecurities, and anxiety. He did not leave
because he wanted to. He did leave because he had to. He never wanted to leave.
And then I feel relieved. I am not alone. I am never alone. Though he is far
away, he is here to stay. Though he is far apart, he is here in my heart. He is
here with me. And I am there with him.

“You are not alone, I am here with
you. Though you’re far away, I am here to stay. You are not alone, I am here
with you. Though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart.” –Michael
Jackson, You Are Not Alone

Another day has gone,
I’m still all alone, how could this be? You’re not here with me

You never said
goodbye, someone tell me why did you have to go and leave my world so cold?

Every day I sit and
ask myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not
alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay

But you are not alone,
I am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart

But you are not alone,
‘lone, ‘lone, why, ‘lone

Just the other night,
I thought I heard you cry, asking me to come and hold you in my arms

I can hear your
prayers, your burdens I will bear, but first I need your hand, then forever can
begin

Every day I sit and
ask myself, how did love slip away? Something whispers in my ear and says

That you are not
alone, I am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay

You are not alone, I
am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart

You are not alone

Whisper three words
and I’ll come running, and girl you know that I’ll be there, I’ll be there

You are not alone, I
am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay

You are not alone, I
am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart

You are not alone, I
am here with you, though you’re far away, I am here to stay

You are not alone, I
am here with you, though we’re far apart, you’re always in my heart

For you are not alone,
not alone ohh, you are not alone, you are not alone

Say it again, you are
not alone, you are not alone, not alone, not alone

If you just reach out
for me girl, in the morning, in the evening, not alone, not alone

You and me not alone,
oh together together, not not being alone, not not being alone