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Monday, March 21, 2011

Update on dinner & confession

Dinner went ok. I did well I think. Still a lot of calories but I stopped myself before it got horrendous.
Pre-dinner Snacks; 100 calories? (Philadelphia sweet chilli cream cheese on crackers)---- these were the killer! they made me want to go back for moreee.
Dinner; lean steak no fat medium amount (my fist size), salad- 4 slices of tomato, cucumber, beetroot, half a bun roll, 1 mini honey soy chicken drum. 450?
Desert; 200g home made fruit salad, apparently 74 calories but I say about 90.
Drinks; coke zero.

The worst part is; if I could throw it all up, I would. I feel sick.
Confession; I had to hurt myself tonight to stop from going back for more. I don't have a problem or anything like that. I don't cut or burn or scratch. I use my nails and dig them into my skin until it hurts so much that I'm not hungry anymore. It's a diversion. It doesn't last long before I want more but I just do it again. The best part is, after its swollen up, and if I haven't gone over it too many times, then it goes away in an hour or two. I don't usually do it for food but I'm trying it out. Usually I only do it when I'm really really upset, but if it works with keeping me away from the extra food, them I'm all for it.
Going to bed full tonight. Wish I was going to bed empty.