FLR: Female Led Relationships

Those were the last words of Alexander the Great, conqueror of the ancient world. On his deathbed, Alexander was asked who to whom his legacy should pass, and he replied, “To the strongest!”

What does “the strongest” mean in the modern world? In the past, it might have been related to physical strength, but those days are long gone. Today, power means dominant energy -- mental, emotional, and sexual. In all those areas, women are superior to men, and the sooner everyone acts accordingly, the better everyone will be.

A Female Led Relationship (FLR) is a step in the right direction, and it’s also just common sense. Horses were made to be ridden, and women were made to ride them. By choosing an FLR, a man and a woman acknowledge that men may be physically stronger (although not always!) but “women are smarter, tougher, and more ruthless,” as Jack Nicholson once put it. Jack is an unusually bright man!

Along with its obvious wisdom, a good FLR requires avoiding some equally obvious mistakes. Most importantly, an FLR is not conventional “feminism.” It’s not a woman becoming a man in a pantsuit. An FLR woman should not only retain her female erotic identity, but that erotic identity should grow stronger in her dominant position. When that is the case, even performing menial tasks for the woman can be gratifying for her man.

Powerful women throughout history have understood this principle and have put it to excellent use. Joan of Arc was a beautiful young farm girl with no education or noble standing. But her chastity combined with an unmistakable erotic charisma made the defeated French soldiers eager to die on her behalf. Elizabeth I of England proclaimed herself a virgin, and thereby made herself a forbidden fantasy object for her whole country. Feminism needs to find a place for eroticism in its doctrines and its prominent personalities, or else it’s making the worst of all possible mistakes. First, it’s sexless, and then it’s anti-sex. First it’s boring, then it’s completely dead.

The challenge – and the opportunity -- for a woman in an FLR is to keep a fiery sexuality burning. She can never lose touch with her primal womanly nature, which is the real foundation of the relationship. At the same time, there’s a similar challenge for men. A man must not confuse servitude with emasculation. He must serve his woman without turning into a eunuch. A girly man is last thing she wants.

When she’s riding a horse, a strong woman expects her mount to respond promptly to the reins and the whip. But there are also moments when she wants her horse to run free. Sometimes she wants hot sex, and a man in a FLR should be sensitive to that and respond to the opportunity the woman has given him. When her needs have been satisfied, control in the relationship will naturally return to where it belongs.

I’m optimistic that more and more men are realizing the benefits of an FLR. Most men won’t admit it publicly but they, like Jack Nicholson, know that women are smarter and tougher. Furthermore, men are actually turned on by women’s superiority. The ancient commentaries on the Bible tell of a character named Lilith, who preceded Eve as Adam’s first wife. Lilith was sexually aggressive, and her sin was wanting to ride Adam during intercourse. For this, God banished her to the bottom of the ocean. But (and this is the important part) Adam loved Lilith. He was obsessed with her. According to the commentaries, he lamented her absence for hundreds of years.

An FLR can be structured in lots of different ways. The woman may begin handling the couple’s financial responsibilities, while the man takes over the cooking and cleaning. Or the man may be expected to do all the various kinds of work, while the woman only supervises and makes sure everything gets done. FLR is a new kind of domestic setting, and much remains to be revealed. But as soon as a couple shows any interest at all in an FLR, I immediately know there’s a deep attraction to that lifestyle. My response to such couples is always accompanied by a smile, “Try it,” I say. “Perhaps you’ll like it.” And don’t forget, everything should safe, sane and consensual.