But I’m really tired of people giving me passive aggresive remarks about me and my SO’s relationship. If you don’t agree with it, think we are young and stupid, thats cool. Just keep it to yourself.

Okay, maybe a little background information?

I met my SO when I was 16 and he was 21. We met unintentionally online through gaming. He was a college student at the time and I was a high school student. At first it was just friends chatting. But over many months and lots messages back and forth on facebook we decided to meet each other as we did not live very far from each other.

Well we did meet and there was an almost instant “spark”. But before our relationship could progress past friends he insited he has to meet my parents and make sure it was okay with them. Something I was not happy with…I don’t have the best relationship with my parents(they are abusive, lazy, and just down right nasty to put it it nicely).

So he took my parents out to dinner (he was wearing a tie and everything, it was adorable!) But I was sure they would never let me date a 21 year old. Yet my SO is quite a charmer and he talked them into it (something I still can’t believe after all this time.!)

There were ground rules ofcourse, but we didn’t mind, we were together! I was so happy, he is handsome, smart, witty, and just a little nerdy. I had my dream guy! ;P

Fast forward two years later and Im about to start college. Me and him have an apartment together and are making the big step of living together for the first time. We are excited, we are happy.

But throughout our relationship and especially now people always give me looks and find the need to make remarks when they find out about our relationship. Especially now that I am moving in with him. Like last week when I was at the college doing some paper work the lady at the desk asked about where I was living since she noted I was not living on campus. I told her I had an apartment with my boyfriend. She raised her eyebrow and said, “Do your parents know? You are awful young to be living with a boy.”

Seriously?

I just don’t understand what being young has to do with anything. I like to think I’m mature enough to make decisions for myself now. Recently me and SO have even talked engagement.

Honestly up until now I have avoided mentioning how young I am on here because I did’t want to be judged, but after seeing people older than me (22, 23 24) being told they are to young to be doing what they are doing on here its bothered me. Before it was common for people to get married under 20. So why is it that in this day and age people stick up their noses at young couples looking to get engaged?

I know their are young couples who are not mature enough, but not everyone is the same! I don’t know, I just wanted to get it off my chest, end of rant I guess.

@Blue Rose: Here’s the thing: you know your stuff, you know how your relationship is, you know you can handle it, you know it’s great.. others don’t see it.

It’s annoying to hear this all the time, but people will hardly see past your age (and the age difference) at first glance. People who know you two have a chance to see how really things are, but it’s a different story with everyone else.

Having said that, I hate when random people comment, no matter what they think it’s rude to make those remarks if they don’t know you well.

People are always going to have opinions, and they’re probably going to always feel the need to voice them to you. Since there’s nothing you can do to stop it, you need to just accept that this is how it is going to be. Just try to let it roll off your back as much as possible (which can be difficult, I understand). The problem is that, the older you get, the wiser you FEEL and thus, the more we like to judge those that are younger than we are.

I know you are just on here venting, which is fine, I just wanted to offer that little bit of perspective. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. On the flip side, I’m 31 and everyone keeps asking when I’m going to get married and have a baby, which is totally annoying.

from what you said you sound mature and it sounds like its working out, but honestly, forget those people… they are just jealous… i have a friend that just turned 21 and has been engaged for one year and they are young, but they aren’t ready and its obvious and i think people forget that everyone is different, some people can work out. and i think it is so rare now people freak out…

i am right there with you. i am also a younger bee on here so i guess you could say. i am married and now expecting out first child. i dont see why age matters.my SIL and Mother-In-Law say that i am more mature than most people my SIL went to high school with. SIL is 28. i am 4 years younger than my husband and to him my age doesnt matter. no one in our family ever says anything (to our face about me being younger) other than the older people. my grandma tells her friends about us and they say “shes so young” i just know that this is my life to live. at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy. i dont live for anyone other than myself and i do what i want to do. but i have always been the kinda person not to care what people think of me. (meaning strangers)(what my parents think-say mean alot to me) everyone has their opinion and that is understandable. but alot of people judging the situation are usually the ones that have no where to speak. just keep your head up, remember your not alone.

@Blue Rose: Before it was common for people to get married under 20. So why is it that in this day and age people stick up their noses at young couples looking to get engaged

Well back then people didn’t live as long. Also women didn’t go off to college so all they had to look forward to was to marry and have kids.

I think really, it is just many people who are older, remember how they were when they were that young and how much they changed. You may think you are mature enough, but you really do change A LOT from the age of 18 to 25. When I was that age I thought I knew everything and time and failed life experiences had to teach me that lesson the hard way.

Sure some people still marry young and have a successful marriage. Not saying it doesn’t happen. But why the rush? Why not live your life a little before making such a huge step? Not saying you have to break up with him or anything. But why not just focus on enjoying college. It really does go by so fast. I lived with my bf when I was your age and we are not together anymore. I wish I would have just enjoyed college life more at that age than placing SO much focus on that relationship. I let that relationship influence a lot of decisions about where I went to school at(and some I hugely regret to this day).

You are free to do what you want, but I think many just remember the mistakes they made in their youth and don’t wish to see the same happen to you.

So why is it that in this day and age people stick up their noses at young couples looking to get engaged?

To answer your question: Times have changed. This isn’t the 40’s or 50’s where people married right out of highschool and the woman stayed at home and cleaned and had a bunch of kids. Most women go to college, along with their boyfriends, and want a career for themselves. This takes time.

Also, I understand that you feel you are a mature individual, and I’m not directing this comment at you personally, but most young people in this day and age I find aren’t very mature at all. They’re impatient, greedy, and totally self absorbed. They feel entitled to getting what they want, when they want it, BECAUSE they want it. It seems to me that a lot of younger people really struggle to break free from their parents, whether it be because they graduate college and can’t find a job so they have to move into their basement, or because they skip out on college and work crappy jobs so that they’re forced to stay at home. Either way, it seems that younger people allow their parents to have a bigger influence on their “adult” lives, which isn’t very mature sounding to me.

Anyway, I just thought this question was interesting, I have noticed that people kind of treat youngish people on this board differently, but I believe that is because, when you read their posts, there is a distinct difference in the way they write. Younger writers on this board tend to be very “me me me” focused while older, more “mature” (lol) writers tend to sound more “we we we”.

Thanks everyone for replying, especially the people trying to give me perspective (which is what I was hoping to gain from this post.)

@nursemel: You are right, people definitley change, and no this isn’t the 50’s anymore. But I can’t see what I want in life changing so radically from what I want now. All I want is to get through college and get my degree in nursing, get married, get my first home and settle down, and eventually have kids.

@yellowismyfavoritecolor: I have made a very clean break from my parents. Neither of them work and just sit at home and collect social security. I had to use my paychecks from my part time job to pay for groceries and other neccesities. I was the one who had to take care of my two little sisters because my parents could not be bothered to pull themselves away from the tv or computer screen or even get out of bed before 4. On top of that they were abusive to me throughout my child hood, and when the physical abuse was taken care of (my grandmother put a stop to that) they began emotionally abusing me and my sisters. I feel terrible leaving my sisters and going to college, but I have to help myself before I can help them. My grandma is living next door and will take care of them while I’m gone.

Anyway my point is, while my parents have had a huge influence on my moving out on my own so soon, I do not reley on them for ANYTHING. I bought my own car, pay my own rent, and will be paying for college all on my own. I think the events in my life have made me more mature.

Do you think my post was “me me me”? I don’t understand what you mean lol But thanks for your two cents =)

@Blue Rose: No, when I was talking about the “me me me” posts, I was just talking in generalizations. I wasn’t talking about you specifically, so no worries.

It sounds like you’ve had a rough time of it. I’m sorry you’ve had so much to deal with, but it looks like you have a bright future ahead of you, and like you said, you absolutely have to help youself before you can help someone else.

@Blue Rose: It definitely is. I saw a poll on a different website months ago, and it does show that women tend to get married younger here in the South. It’s just a different lifestyle. Nothing wrong with it!

I haven’t had to deal with it too much, but like another poster said, here in the south things are a little different. Most everyone that I know that’s gotten married has been between the ages of 18-24. But I have heard it, mostly from older couples.

Just don’t let it get to you. People are always going to have opinions on something.

I’m young as well, although not as young as you. When people make comments (which is very rare because it’s only people who do not know me). I try and look at it as a complement. Here is someone, with a reasonable amount of life experience, choosing to give me advice, because they do not want me to be hurt.

Even when it seems they are being rude or passive aggresive, I try to remember that they are only saying it because they do not want me to make a mistake other people have made. I find looking at it like this really makes the whole experience a lot more positive.

Also, I think the whole “people are not as mature as they used to be” argument very interesting. I agree that it is completly true in most cases, but I think it evolved from the belief that you shouln’t get married etc. until you are older. I think a lot of young adults feel that they are not “supposed” to grow up and take responsibilities. It’s really a cyclic pattern.

You know your relationship. If you’re ready to live together then you should do that. HOWEVER, if you don’t understand what “being young has to do with anything,” then I think you’re too young to be engaged. It sounds like you don’t realize how much you will change in the next few years. Random people shouldn’t say anything to you, but I can understand the people close to you being concerned. You don’t yet know how much difference a few years of independence and a college education can make.

I’ve been with my Fiance since I was 19 and I’m so glad we waited until I was 22 to live together and 24 to get engaged. I had the freedom to develop as an individual so I can be a better partner for him. Best wishes!