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Happy I've managed a gym and run so far this week. I really need to another of each done.

I have an evening of furniture building tonight but it does make sense for me to nip out for a quick run before hand. I just can't be bothered at the minute! I then have a 9am appointment tomorrow so I should be able to do the gym without getting up any earlier than a normal work day.

Then it'll be a 3 day rest for my first weekend with the kids at my house. Which is great. But no parents around to watch them so no exercise. I have an incredibly busy 2 weeks at work then with some of my overseas team over that need entertaining, but I'm hoping to fit exercise inbetween.

Intended to get the 2nd weights session in at the works gym on Friday night but ended up at the works bar instead.

The company doo was great fun but I had way too much to drink and stayed up way way too late. It was gone 4am which is not like me at all! I woke up in the hotel at 11am which again is not like me.

I came home and got straight in bed for the afternoon only surfacing to nip to the shops then order a pizza. That is all I had all day and that wasn’t until 9pm.

So yesterday was a write off and I didn’t feel amazing today. But I did get a few things done round the house and managed to get out for a 3 mile run.

That run was important not just physically and to keep running but mentally. I still feel so groggy from the hangover and tomorrow I have so much to nail at work that I can’t afford for it to drag on. And I’m sure a run will have helped clear the crap out of my body and my head!

Managed to get to the gym after work for weights (Push) and my first swim in a long, long time. Must be 2 months. Just a 10 minute swim.

I would have liked to run somewhere but I had loads to do at home before I pick the GF up after her weekend away.

I know I keep saying..... things need a reboot and “next week” I’ll start a new routine, but I mean it this time. I’ve got lots of plans and motivation but I’ve got my entire team over this week for meetings and have 2 evenings out then the kids this weekend. I’ll be surprised if I get anything else in this week other than todays sessions.

Next week will be another start...... it helps that the GF is away next week so I have a week on my own to restart everything.

I did get an early finish today and could have exercised, but I’m taking them out for a meal tonight, I’m tired and hungover from last night (I’m driving tonight), so I took the opportunity to jump in bed for an hour, although annoyingly didn’t sleep very long.

I will take my running stuff to the GF’s tomorrow but doubt I’ll do anything and this week might be a write off before I tackle next week properly.

Right……… so this may sound quite dramatic etc, but I've been thinking for a while I will stop updating this journal. No big deal and I don't think anyone reads it anyway. My issue is, I can be a bit OCD with stuff like this and feel like I have to update it after every session, or even after every missed session. I'm not sure why and whilst it's not a big deal, part of me thinks I've got enough going on without feeling I must update this all the time.

My training has drastically changed, I only do weights twice a week and not much at that. I'm more about running, biking, triathlons and it's not all that relevant to this site anymore. I do enjoy the opportunity to vent on here from time to time, plan out my week, or just think out loud, but I also keep a personal journal and have done since I was 13 years old, so I can type thoughts in there.

I've been thinking it through for a while (don't worry, I know it's not a big decision and I've not been stressing over it), but today is my journals 10th birthday, so what a fitting time to create the last post!

I will end my almost daily updating. I'm sure I'll pop in for an update every few months but after 10 years it's time to leave my journal addiction behind.

This journal has seen me go through several cutting attempts, my switch to taking running seriously with 2 marathons (whilst still weight training), then in the last year or so switching away from weight training and onto triathlon training. My first child was born when I started the journal but I've since had another, got divorced, got a new girlfriend, bought a house and had 4 different jobs! Quite a lot going on in 10 years and I hope this site stays active so I can come back and read this from time to time as I have done before.

So thanks for the ones that contributed in the past, thanks for anyone who does read, and thanks to MT for simply providing me a space to think and empty my mind into a browser window!

So it's been almost 2 months since I declared the end of my journal but I did say I would pop in with general updates. No idea why really, but as always I like the space to type ideas and thoughts.

So today is the last day at work before the Xmas break and a fitting time so just sum the year up as I doubt I'll post over Xmas.

A good year in the sense that I completed 4 triathlons, 3 open water and one of them a relay. And that was always my goal. I also rode 87 miles (most I'd ever done by a long shot). Now this was a training ride for the 100 miler that got cancelled but still great to hit those miles. So the goal was always about the tri's and I well and truly ticked that box. Swimming has completely stopped after the tri's but I'm ok with that.

Weights were just there as a tick over and kept some shape. These last few weeks I've missed lots of sessions and had a few weeks without weights, but it's just not a priority. That said, I will still aim to hit 2 sessions per week and hopefully with a bit more intensity next year.

Running was a big disappointment. I just ticked over really and yes I ran the trialthons well, but haven't done many miles and despite getting up to 7 miles in November (wow), I have hardly run in December and not built the base miles I need for London next year.

I managed to maintain a stable weight all year despite a very relaxed diet but have put a bit on the last couple of months and it needs to come off next year.

A big change I have made is around Mindfulness meditation and have almost completed an 8 week course. I still need to do week 8 but will do that the first week in Jan as I know I won't have a routine over Xmas. This has helped me a lot and will become a proper habit next year.

So next year...... I will most likely come back and do this in detail but if I don't here's a summary of my goals.

London marathon has to remain my number one goal and all efforts need to focus on that. That said I am determined to keep up the weights, ride the bike every so often and throw a swim in here and there. The idea being that once London is done I dive head on into triathlon training. I want to get some decent bike rides in, enjoy the open water swimming again and do at least 2 tri's next year, hopefully a longer distance one. I would also like to keep the fitness and hit some running goals. Of course I am hoping all this sees me drop fat, get a bit of shape back and look half decent. Diet needs to improve for that and also for performance.

And the mind needs plenty of attention in the way of the mindfulness meditation. This will become a habit. Lots of habits need to change. A bit less drinking. I don't drink loads but more than I'd like lately. Consistent early mornings to either meditate, train or both. And sleep quality. I'm convinced all of the above will make me more successful at work and in my relationship.

Only just thought or had time to pop in and get my 2019 goals/ideas down. As mentioned, I'm not maintaining this journal anymore but still nice to pop in use it thinking space. I'm extremely busy at work but have a gap between tasks and nice to empty my head into here.

So most important thing first, and my main and initial 2019 goal is London Marathon. I have not used the time to prepare for it at all and Monday is/was the official start of my 16 week training plan so I have to dive straight in. I did run 7 miles on New years day which was a good start. I've found a book which I ordered and I'm reading as quickly as possible that has marathon plans in running 3 times a week with cross training which is ideal for me. Last night, because I have a cold (I'll moan about that in a minute), I did the first speed session indoors on a treadmill. Also, as it's all based on track workouts it's sort of easier on the treadmill. I ran for 45 minutes on the treadmill which I don't think I've ever done before and was a great achievement.

So I do have a cold which literally started after new year as I came back to work and got worse over the weekend. I think I am slowly shaking it but my first long run is 10 miles this weekend (aiming to do it Friday night) and I hope I'm ok for that. I'm then away in America for a week but hope to get some treadmill sessions in the hotel and make sure long runs are done either weekend.

To kick January off I'm doing RED January where I have committed to 20 minutes exercise everyday in January. I thought the kids weekend would be difficult but on Saturday I did a 20 minute living room HIIT workout and then Sunday played football with them but properly ran around and logged it. The American trip will prove difficult on the 2 travel days.

All that, RED January and then London training gets me going, hopefully drops some weight and gets my fitness up. After that I want more bike rides and triathlons this summer and potentially move up to an Olympic distance tri. But won't push myself if I don't fancy it. It's the swimming that will bother me.

Beyond that I just want to keep fit, keep running and concentrate on also getting my mind healthy.

Habits (removing bad and developing good) are to be a new year focus, but if I'm totally honest I am struggling with this cold making me terribly tired and not be able to concentrate. Once shifted (hopefully next week), I want to first of all start getting up a bit earlier. If nothing else, to avoid the rush from bed to shower to front door (I currently do it in 20 minutes which is great but a stressful start), and give myself some thinking space and wake up time. During November I was getting up early to do the mindfulness meditation because some were long and too much to fit in elsewhere and I did like that start to the day. On top of that I do want to put some AM gym sessions in where needed. I'd like to crack this next week before I go to America then continue it the week after when I get back.

But I will admit, I'm giving myself an easy time due to illness at the minute.

Revisiting this journal to use it as a mental dumping ground as always.

The year has started....... ok. Not amazing. Not the January reboot I craved. Some actions have been put into place, some still need work.

After some hiccups, marathon training is now going well. The plan is working and mileage is building up along with fitness. I ran 15 miles on Friday and was ok with it. Need to hit 17 this week. Once I get a 20 under my belt I'll feel more confident about things. On top of that, I'm cramming weights in (sometimes for the sake of it, but can't imagine not lifting at all), usually a Wattbike session per week as cross training for the marathon plan and hopefully keep a little bit of bike fitness for when I get back on it. Swimming doesn't seem to be happening and it needs to. Just 1 a week for now, again as part of marathon training and keeping it up.

Once the marathon is done, I will keep running up using a version of my marathon plan to get faster over short distances. I need to get back on the bike and swim a lot more. If I don't, I'll struggle in the open water and with triathlons. And that's the focus. I wanted to move up to the Olympic distance this year but all this marathon training is making me question whether I'm happy with short distances and just trying to be fast. The GF is doing some big bike ride events this year but first of all I can't train because of the marathon and secondly, I really don't think I want to ride 100 miles or whatever.

Diet is a bit all over and I really do need to drop a bit of weight for the marathon and general looks. The food at work has got better which is a bad thing. I still feel like I drink a little too much. Mainly when I'm at my house either alone or kids in bed. I don't have a lot or get drunk, just 2 or 3 but this can span all 3 weekend nights and I feel it. It's hard because I do enjoy a couple of beers and sometimes think there's nothing wrong with that, but that groggy, lazy feeling is not good.

My main issue that I hoped to change in January, is my self discipline. I want to really dive into Mindfulness and I need to make space in the day to do it. I attempt to get up early but that doesn't always happen. And this lack of discipline rolls into the rest of my life in some ways. Some of it round work. I am actually convinced mindfuless would massively help me...... but I need to make space to do it.

No excuses, just need to crack on with it and make myself a better person.

As mentioned, I don't update this journal daily anymore, but I sometimes get the urge to come back and stick an update in. Work is crazy busy but I'm having a quieter day and have a gap before lunch so I thought I'd update.

So the biggest update is the fact that I ran London Marathon. Training was awful. I did do some of the long runs but not enough and sometimes had 4 weeks between the long runs. I ran a 20 mile race a few weeks beforehand which went well and was a great confidence boost. Anyway, I RAN London marathon meaning I didn't stop (amazingly didn't need a pee stop) and didn't walk. I was convinced I'd have to walk at some stage. I purposefully set off slow but slowed to a crawl by the end. I finished in 4 hours 42 minutes which is almost 40 minutes slower than 3 years ago but that's fine.

It's been just over 2 weeks since I did that and I only went out for my first run back last night. I did want to rest for at least a week anyway.

So where am I now? Over weight for a start. I did not manage to lose any weight and infact the appetite after the marathon saw me gaining weight. Weights in the gym have just been a ticket over thing and will continue to be. I've managed 2 x 10 minute swims in the last 2 weeks. This needs to increase as I do want to do a triathlon this summer and need to Open water swim........ and I'm not getting in the open water until I'm back swimming regularly.

So what next......... me and the GF have a short holiday a week on Monday. Once that is done (although I'll sort of start now), I need to up the swimming for a few weeks then get some OWS done and enter a Tri. Just a sprint will do. Biking needs to restart. Not easy as I can only really get out every other weekend when I don't have the kids but the odd mid week ride would be nice. Running needs to stay consistent and I'd like to keep in 10k shape (making sure I'm doing a run of 6-8 miles once a week) and I'd like to get quicker so might enter a race or target a ParkRun and try to aim for a good time.

Diet needs a big shake up. Both weight, looks, and generally health. I am still drinking a bit too much and that habit needs breaking.

Meditation is sort of happening inconsistently but I feel like I am least doing something. And I really would like to try Yoga which I will do at some point.

This sounds really odd, but I hated training for London marathon even though I didn't do much different other than the odd long run. I sort of got off on the fact that I was running it on not much training in a perverse way. I can almost see myself getting fitter, lighter and faster when not training for it. But we'll see.