Tag: beauty

In this feeling,
Present in the moment,
A shining light,
Beauty, in the feeling,
The sad and happiness,
Beauty in being, in feeling.
Being swallowed whole,
Its individuality, collective experience,
A world experienced,
World on show,
World felt and getting to know.

An experience,
A memory,
The pain, hurt,
All just to make,
To share, feel and see.

Just to hold on.

As the world shines,
Radiant even when alone,
World as it shines.

Making it whole,
Making its worth.

As it goes,
To feel,
Experience,
A beauty in the feeling.

Writing this, feeling mixed, weird. Been watching a lot of YouTube videos about photography of all types and what I want to get more into. It’s been really weird, totally alone for Christmas, weird, but surprisingly okay, but also weird. Just feels like another day. I know it is only just another day, it’s people and societal constructions that make it ‘special’.

What’s got me amazingly happy, mixed and feeling, thinking, thinking of photography, my photography and philosophy of my photography; to capture a moment, it’s feeling, sight, memory and warmth. Just reminds me, the thing that made this Christmas really good, quite sad haha, the friend I wrote my last poem about, messaged me at like 3am on Christmas Day (time zone difference) and yeah, haha, were the first and probably only person really to wish me a happy Christmas and we chatted for a bit. Haha, feeling a little crazed happy, feeling, feeling and thinking.

Which leads me back to thinking of photography. Just the feeling it can produce. Thinking of my photography trip, seeing people together and some alone, kind people and showing kindness to random people I met, feeling of experience, being, a commonality of experience of humanity while also individuality. As humans, all problems and toils, individual as they may be, somewhat cathartic knowing you’re not the only one going through anything. Something I’ve been trying to help family members understand, somewhat validates and provides some small beauty, comfort, against the pain.

So mixed but happy, and deeply pondering I get distracted when writing. Will spend a while tonight deep in pondering.

The picture is one of my favourites, taken by chance, the person got in the way of the shot I wanted, but makes it infinitely better, and I’m so glad. This is the proof, to the beauty of being, feeling, capturing and also beauty in moments of pain. Even if it never feels like it at the time. Collective experience, being, individuality. But I guess I need to finalise this post or I could write for hours.

Missing,
The time, the place,
All that time ago,
So much has changed and gone.

Always good to see,
Missing the time,
As the sun shines,

My eyes to capture the sight,
To live, in the moment, in time.
Here I am,
To see,
Witness.

To ponder,
To strive,
A world better,
All making,
In the making.

In the world so light,
To weather the storms,
To try,
Against the dark storm clouds,
Only to end up past.

To see,
To feel,
To make and be.

And as I recall,
Missing,
I remember,
I see,
And filling,
With joy,
As I remember,
So many times past,
So much fun,
And only onwards,
On into the future.

To make,
To be,
To live.

Better than before,
Stronger and free.
Missing,
But better,
And being.

Has a pondering day, good day of more photography. But, feeling, missing a friend of mine who’s on an amazing trip abroad and always cool when we chat, about our art, about random stuff. Thinking back. Feeling good.

Invigorated,
From nothing, I have found.
Once lost,
Looking on without a hope.

Knowing on from my past,
A path always lead,
Always known,
But I had lost.
Lots held, just gone.

But sitting, thinking, knowing.
From all it came,
From all made,
With what I known,
With what I held,
Without even knowing.
I have seen.

Now I find from what I hadn’t needed.
Found where to find from lost,
From when I had not lost.

Feeling hopeful,
Found,
Finding from what I always did.
A time when I had lost,
But not realised, what it was I had.

The times, processes.
The world and how it worked.

My mind may be torture,
But it is mine,
It has its benefits,
Ever-pain, but endless drive.
Hurtful pain,
It can be kept.
Left to unfeeling,
Driven past.

To find, to do, to try.
Crossing the fog,
To clear a path.
To make a light.

Been relaxing after a late shift, working, doing some app searching, listening to my podcast of productivity and thinking. Lots of pondering, thinking then pessimistically, then thinking of how far I’ve come. Thinking of the reason for this, my own effort, unrelenting and phenomenal, still with improvement to not obsess over a single task but to follow a couple for different things. Looking at productivity apps, reinvigorated.

For a little while, after Uni, and my goal for research seeming so impossible and far off. Have been just floating, trying to escape, rest, and feeling sad as I kinda gave up on all I had wanted in all but what I merely said to others.

This producivity podcast has given me hope, thoughts, something I never thought I would get into. Making a “yearly theme”. I am thinking, bursting with ideas, plans, even now I should be going to bed but didn’t think I knew the theme, I have thought and also finalised the theme I need.

The podcast is Cortex. Amazing and one of two I compulsively listen to as soon as an episode is released.

It’s my Year of Direction.
– To get productivity apps (of which I already have many)
– To solidify a workflow
– To practice and learn some Spanish each day
– To time track
– To do some photography each day
– To do some academic research each day
– To do some non-research reading each day, non-fiction learning but not research in my own specified areas.

Even though,
I try,
I be.
Experiences,
It all occurs.
A holiday.
To truly see.
To appreciate,

It all allows me to see.

Even though,
All the times,
The being,
Living in the time,
It all allows me to see.
To put into perspective,
As I try.
Allows me to try harder,
As I can see.

It all.

It all.
Allows me to see.

Trials,
Trips and ponderings,
As I.
Can be.

Amazing day, amazing chat with an old friend I’ve wanted to see for ages, amazing times and feeling grateful for an amazing boss and all the amazing people at work. Amazing! And excited for a film in the cinema to see! So good!

A world anew while also not,
Perspective changing,
Yet all staying the same.
Calling,
Inspiration,
Goals and living,
Living and being,
Being and trying.

Trying to capture,
Capture, the beauty in normalcy,
What I had always missed,
In the busy life lead,
Missed yet for a moment,
To see,
Eyes opened.
To capture.
A philosophy,
One I hold true,
Hold myself to,

A world out there,
And inside,
For the taking, making, sharing.

Out on a photography trip with photographers around my city, I, clearly the newest, but our conversations, creativity, individuality, imagination. Met one at the end who their work’s inspired me, I wrote a comment on their work ages ago and I finally met them, they remembered my comment and said it really meant a lot and I’m glad because their work truly meant a lot to me. So glad. So happy. So happy and truly sound with wanting to get into photography, I was having second guesses and anxieties but tonight’s solidified it for me.

As for, the light,
Remembering the times,
With the light flowing, into the night.

Writing this, spent a relaxing night, watching my favourite tv show, The Walking Dead, was an emotional rollercoaster. Now thinking, of a dear friend haha. Also did more photography today, not much, wasn’t good weather, but a little.

How the willow tree,
Admist the fog shines out,
Atop the hill,
Hills across the lifescape behind,
Shining, at peace, calm.
In existence, time.

Capture in mind,
soul, image.

So many chances taken,
Chances missed,
Chances taken while others missed.
Bringing me here,
This place, right now.
This time, and not another.

Capture,
In the mind,
In being.

Capture.
Encapsulated in place.
Captured beauty.

Wasn’t going to write poetry tonight, had no thoughts to write, was lying awake, reflecting. Been doing photography about every day for over a week, being more at peace with scenes I find myself, finding scenes where usually people see nothing, even I expect to find nothing but hope to find something in that and usually do, but never cease to be surprised by this.

Getting so much into photography and wanting to save up for a DSLR, I do love this. Reflecting and getting better through photography.

There It is,
The path that is to be seen,
Amongst the unknown,
I can find.
I can be.

Not knowing my path,
Finding a knowing,
One that sets me free.

Seeing the world,
Seeing its normalcy,
Content,
Being and to be set free.

A path seen,
Amongst its lack of clarity.
The place found.

Finding and set free.
Set free by the casual.

Finding to be.

As the world,
Rings out.
Its confusion,
Trying to find a path,
Make a trek,
Finding,
A path,
To find,
To be,
Me.

Let it all.
Just be.
Letting it ring past.

Amongst the calm night.
It is, let be.
As I, let it be.

It’s been a good day, did a lot of photography, sorted plans for more and plans for doing my own independent research and as one of my lecturers suggested, sending a revised and added-to essay I wrote for them to a journal. Don’t have enough time, but as always I’ll make time. Also my best friend, we chatted a little today, and I’m looking forward to spending their birthday with them!

Just wrote a comment on my favourite photographer nearby’s social media.

My true aim is, to capture beauty in normalcy. Not having to go somewhere exotic or far away, you can find beauty, inspiration and pristine bliss wherever you are. You just have to look. Even if it is hard, you just have to let your mind look.

Feeling at home,
At home and free,
Surprised to feel,
In a world once so cold.
Getting stronger everyday,
Reflecting in this world.
So much seen,
So much,
So far.

And here I am.
Here I’ve found,
Wanting to bring,
To try,
To help souls;
Lost and in the dark.
A debt I owe, for myself,
To try.
To keep fighting those bad times,
Keep fighting.

To find.
Made.

And here I am,
Having fought to find.
Fought, embraced, and come to know,
My demons,
As they stood and stared.
Till they, relegated to the past.
They, stay in the past.

Having to keep on the fight.
To keep.
While I try.
To help,
Others,
Through empathy,
An open doorway,
A doorway,
To feel, to see.
A world not my own.
But also just so.
Collective feeling,
Collective hardship.
The living,
Of and within humanity.

Care,
Never to leave my side,
Never to leave my mind.

Trying to give,
Help and to keep dear.

In these odd and good times,
I continue to feel.
Continue to be and see.

A world perfect in imperfection.
Perfect, just to be and see.

A world there,
Just to be felt.

Just feeling good and pondering, happy, the picture is another one I took.