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Study Finds Dads Hide From Family in Bathroom, IBS Now as Common of an Excuse as Glaucoma Is For Stoners

A recent study has found that dads often hide from their families in the one room in the house that is, ideally, off-limits to visitors: the bathroom. Multiple dads in the U.K. and the U.S. confessed that they often find themselves in the loo, even if they don’t actually have business there. The bathroom, you see, is a sacred place, devoid of wives, children, and the burden of being a “family man.” Yes, some dads actually use the time to move their bowels, but generally, they spend their time tweeting, Instagram-ing or doing other things that your mother told you good boys never do. Of course, stay-at-home moms are no stranger to this phenomenon. It’s been a sanctuary for them ever since locks were invented for bathroom doorknobs. The only difference is, children seem much more willing to barge in on their moms than their dads and that’s the real study we want to be pursued. For now, though, we’ll all have to contend with dad taking multiple bathroom breaks. When questioned, these dads will simply flash their IBS cards and claim their absences are “for medicinal purposes.”