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Monthly Archives: December 2015

I’m sorry about the lack of posts lately. Being a mom is hard – a lot harder than I thought it would be. He’s always wanting to go outside and use the restroom and eat and play. It’s exhausting, but it’s fun. Brady told a bunch of people at work about Tucker and how he was looking for a permanent home for him and one of his coworkers said she wanted him to give to her granddaughter. When Brady told me that he might have found a home for Tucker, I threw a tantrum and cried. Because that’s mean. You can’t just give someone’s child away.

Anyway, I have so much to catch y’all up on. I went out with Luke and Stacey the other night. I’d agreed to go before I knew Stacey was invited and I thought maybe we all might have fun, especially if alcohol was involved. So we got dinner and drinks with this other girl we work with. The entire meal kind of felt like a competition between me and Stacey. She kept interrupting my stories and trying to talk over me and it was just super uncalled for. Eventually I just ignored her.

Brady was out with Lindsey and some of their guy friends so we met up with them at the bar. They were waiting for us and naturally I ran over excitedly because that’s bae. Stacey completely ignored Brady and Lindsey and their friends until she found out that Lindsey works for the company she’s trying to work for. So she started asking a ton of questions.

I leaned over to Brady and said, “See how rude she is?”

He shushed me as if I was being loud and she would hear me. I rolled my eyes. “She sucks and I hate her.”

Brady ordered a round of shots for all of us, like that was going to help us get along better. After we took the shot Stacey came sauntering over.

“Reese, is this your boyfriend?” she asked sweetly.

“No, this is a look alike I just found,” I answered sarcastically.

Stacey ignored my comment and reached around me to give Brady a side hug. So unnecessary. She started talking to him about our office and work and stuff and I just stood there sipping my drink. Brady is so polite and patient. I knew he didn’t give a shit what the girl was talking about.

I had stopped listening to their conversation until Stacey grinned devilishly at me. “Reese is so lucky though. She doesn’t have to do all the bitch work we have to do. She doesn’t really have to do anything.”

“Ugh, shut up, Stacey,” I couldn’t help saying. “You have no idea what I do.”

She burst out laughing like I was joking. Obviously I wasn’t.

Brady grabbed my hip and said, “Don’t.”

Stacey turned back around to order a drink and I pulled away from Brady.

“Don’t what? Why do you always take my enemies side?” I said.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, Reese. I don’t want you to be angry right now. Just chill out,” Brady said calmly.

So I decided to go back to ignoring Stacey since she was being deliberately annoying. Luckily she stayed away until it was time to go. We all headed outside and she stopped everyone so she could take a group selfie for Snapchat.

“Brady, what’s your Snapchat?” she asked.

Before Brady could even open his mouth I replied, “He doesn’t have one,” like a jealous psycho wife. I didn’t even care.

Stacey giggled and walked away. She clinged on to Lindsey after that and insisted they exchange numbers. Obviously Stacey just wanted help getting a job and it really annoyed me. But Lindsey seemed okay with it so whatever.

Dale and I have been sparring constantly. I know I should just let him do his job and keep quiet, but he sucks. He doesn’t work efficiently and has the worst ideas ever. He’s always complaining about our budget and how we need to cut costs anywhere and everywhere we can. So of course, I’ve been being super modest with my AmEx, I made someone part time instead of full time (she wanted to go back to school so it was fine), I’ve been working my tail off trying to source cheaper manufacturers and really going out of my way to help cut costs. Then Dale goes out and hires FIVE new people for various positions around the office. Two executive assistants, an HR generalist, an inventory manager and some other job I can’t even think of because it’s so ridiculous.

After our third new person walked in introducing themselves, I found Dale and asked him what was going on with all these new people and how they fit in with our budget.

He smiled condescendingly. “Reese, we’re always trying to be as budget conscious as we can, but if things need to get done, they have to get done. We can’t sacrifice everything just to save money.”

I thought that was a completely fair argument and decided to continue doing my job as normal, but still trying to be aware of our budget (I get my own budget that was given to me by Dave and I’ve never even gotten close to maxing it). But one day Dale cornered me in the hallway and said, “Let’s talk.”

I’m like, “Okay, what’s up?”

He took me in his office and pulled out my AmEx statement which he had marked up with a highlighter and red pen. He proceeded to question me about every expense and lecture me about our company budget (not my own budget which I still haven’t gotten close to).

I said, “Maybe you should confiscate my American Express and I’ll just bug you every time I need something?”

Dale laughed. “Do you think I have time to babysit you? But I want a detailed expense report at the end of each day for the next two weeks until we can get this under control.”

As if that isn’t babysitting.

Since Dale and I were butting heads a lot, I tried to avoid him and just communicate with him through his new assistant, Vanessa. It sounds immature, but I just can’t stand even looking at him. I catch him walking around the office all the time, just observing everyone and not doing anything. Then he will tell Vanessa to write down this huge list of things that need to get done, not do any of it and not follow up that any of it gets done. He’s just not effective.

Now I usually come home and pour a glass of wine and get in bed with Tucker. So depressing. At least Brady’s been nice. He can tell how unhappy I’ve been so he usually comes home with some sort of treat. Well, that and we got in a fight one day because a girl at work brought him lunch so he had to make up for that. Am I allowed to be annoyed by that? Is she calling me a bad wife? This girl literally made food specifically to bring for Brady. I threw a fit, naturally.

“Did you tell her you don’t eat at home? Does she feel bad for you?” I demanded.

“We could have gone to a Vietnamese restaurant! She just wanted to flirt with you. You’re so naive,” I said, then I had a thought. “You’re so cultured, do you expect me to believe you’ve never had Vietnamese food?”

Anyway, after that Brady came home everyday with treats for me and Tucker. Chocolate, froyo, Rice Krispy treats, wine, US Weekly, etc. It’s like our thing now. We greet him at the door with our hands out.

Thursday was Brady’s birthday so I threw him an ugly sweater party. Most of our friends weren’t even in town, but I still thought it would be fun. I made cookies and Jell-O shots for the occasion.

Carly and Chris were the first to arrive at 2:30 PM. They’re home for the holidays.

“I think Chris is going to propose!” was one of the first things Carly whispered in my ear.

I jerked my head toward her. “What? How do you know?”

She was grinning from ear to fucking ear. “He’s just been acting all nervous and weird. Has he said anything to Brady?”

“He knows what kind of ring I want. I’ve sent him pictures,” Carly blushed.

“Wait, so you’ve talked about it?”

“Kind of. I told him that I want to be engaged within the next two or three years.”

“And what did he say?”

“He agrees.”

I started thinking that maybe I should give Brady a timeline too. I made a note to ask him what his thoughts and ideas were.

Brady ended up getting super drunk which I loved because it was his birthday. He deserves to get drunk. He kept insisting I keep drinking because he didn’t want to be the only one drunk.

“Am I the only one who’s drunk? I’m so embarrassed. Babe, why did you let me drink this much?” Brady said. It was so presh.

But he did end up performing Back to Back by Drake which was the highlight of everyone’s night. I had no idea that Brady even knew that song. He’s more of a Rooney kind of a guy.

We both woke up hungover as fuck on Christmas. I wanted to die. Brady, who always handles hangovers and alcohol in general better than me, got up and made waffles and we sat at the table to eat.

I couldn’t wait to open gifts because over the last few weeks the number of gifts under our tree kept growing and growing. I think we just kept trying to one-up each other. One of the gifts I got for Brady he knew about because he had to install it himself. He’s been talking about wanting a new tv for the basement for a while so I just got him one. I literally walked into Best Buy and told the sales guy to help me pick out the largest and nicest tv they had. So he talked me into this really cool new curved tv for optimum viewing. Loved it.

I also got him a cute leather planner even though he doesn’t use a planner, new bedding, a Burberry tie, several pairs of fun socks, an All Saints jacket and a watch. I love giving gifts. Especially to Brady because he always appreciates it (except if I bought it with his own money, obviously). Plus I want to mold him so he looks less Banana Republic and more like my boyfriend. Not sorry!

Oh. Marco got me a Christmas gift. I haven’t gotten it yet because I haven’t seen him. I told him that he didn’t have to get me anything (especially because I haven’t gotten him anything), but he insists that he wants me to have it. I mean, I’m not going to turn down a gift so.

Anyway, I’m so happy to be off for the rest of the week. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with Dale? I’ve tried really hard to go in to the office each day with a happy open mind, but now I’m ready to jump off a bridge. Or at least quit. I’m already dreading going back. Help.

Brady was sick and stayed home from work on Monday. He becomes such a baby when he’s sick. When I woke up and saw that he was still in bed with me, I quickly shook him thinking he had overslept. Brady rolled over and whined, “Stop it, Reese. I don’t feel well!”

I felt bad for him and apologized. I got up and made him some tea and sat it on the nightstand next to him.

“I don’t want any,” Brady grumbled.

“I think it’ll help make you feel better,” I reasoned with him.

He ignored me and rolled over.

Stacey called into work sick on Monday also. She and Luke went out on Sunday night (I saw on Snapchat), but Luke actually showed up to work. He was hungover as fuck, but he still came at least.

“I should probably let Dale know that Stacey isn’t actually sick, shouldn’t I? Maybe show him your Snapchat story?” I said to Luke.

He gave me a look. “Don’t be like that, Reese. You’re being spiteful.”

I gave him a, “So what?” look and rolled my eyes. “She hasn’t been here long enough to pull this shit. Just saying.”

I wasn’t actually going to tell Dale, but still. Stacey has barely even been here for a month. She hasn’t even earned any sick days!

Brady felt a little better on Tuesday (luckily) and ended up going into work a little later. Stacey came back to work too and I gave her a knowing look. She shrugged and smiled coyly. Like, she knows she can get away with it. It just annoyed me.

After work, Luke, Stacey and I went out for drinks. She was being super annoyingly nice to me all day and asking questions about Brady and my life (“Omg, so you just moved all your stuff into his place? Does he make you pay rent? Did it change your relationship? Do you cook for him every night? Do you separate chores?”) so maybe Luke told her that I threatened to snitch on her. But since she was being kind of cool, we all decided to get drinks.

Stacey told us that she is looking for another job and has been interviewing elsewhere.

“I just need to get paid more. The job I interviewed for yesterday starts at $65k a year,” she explained.

“What job?” I asked.

“Basically I’d be investigating financial fraud. They found me on LinkedIn. And they’ve already emailed me requesting a second interview,” she said.

I nodded, wondering if I should tell anyone that she was looking for another job. Not even to be a petty bitch, but if she doesn’t plan on sticking around for long then her boss needs to know.

“How much do you make, Reese?” Stacey asked me.

“I’m not telling you,” I scoffed, shocked that she would even have the nerve to ask.

“I bet you make more than $65,000. See, I need your job. You make bank and you literally do not do anything.”

See how shady she is? We were having a good day, but she always manages to piss me off. I decided not to argue with her so I just shrugged and pulled out my phone. I had a new iMessage from a weird number I didn’t recognize.

Guess who it was?

Brady’s mom. I swear my jaw hit the floor. I’m shocked that that woman even knows how to use an iPhone. And how on earth did she get my number?

I responded, “Hey, how are you?” back.

She said, “There was a death in the family and I’d really like Brady to travel home for the services this upcoming weekend.”

Brady didn’t mention anything about a death in the family to me, but he doesn’t tell me anything so.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” was all I could think to say.

“He hasn’t made arrangements to come home, and I haven’t been able to reach him. If you get a chance to speak with him, will you please stress to him how important this is?” Brady’s mom said.

I can’t believe she was asking me for a favor. Brady hasn’t even told me about this death so how was I supposed to convince him to go home for the services? But I still said, “Sure.”

She said, “Thank you,” and that was the end of our texting conversation.

When I got home Brady wasn’t home yet so I started on dinner. He came and found me in the kitchen and he looked tired, but not as sickly as he did that morning.

“Your mom texted me,” I greeted him.

His brow furrowed. “What? Why?”

I shrugged like it was no big deal. “She hasn’t been able to get a hold of you. She wants you to come home for the funeral…”

“My great aunt. I haven’t seen her in probably fifteen years. I’m not going all the way back home for that,” he said.

“Oh, maybe you should. Your mom really wants you there and you don’t want to regret it.” I don’t even know why I was pushing it. Maybe I just thought I was doing the right thing. I guess it wasn’t really my place.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Brady mumbled and stormed out.

I decided to give him some space and not bring it up again. I didn’t want to fight with him about something I didn’t even care about. But when we sat down for dinner, he told me that his flight was leaving at 9:00 PM on Thursday night. I guess he felt guilty.

Since Brady was gone for the weekend I decided to have people over on Friday night. I dug into my margarita board on Pinterest, made margaritas and invited Preston, Joe, Lexi, her bae, her friend, Maci, and Luke over.

I got a little bit drunk and decided to invite Marco over. I got approval from Preston first – he told me that we needed more testosterone. Marco showed up with two guy friends and a bottle of Don Julio. I heard him ask someone, “Where’s my favorite tequila lover?” and I ran to greet him. I took him around to everyone and introduced him as my best friend.

Then we went to the kitchen and talked about life. Marco and I have a strictly platonic relationship, obviously, but sometimes he will sneak in comments about how I’m hot or have a nice body. I try to shut them down immediately and tell him he’s being ridiculous, but usually I don’t even acknowledge it. Is that bad? It’s not like I like or need the attention, but overall he’s a great guy friend to have. Plus, I always tell my girl friends how pretty they are and comment on their boobs so it’s fine right?

The next morning I woke up in bed with a bottle of water next to me. It kind of freaked me out because that’s something Brady always does. I called him and he couldn’t talk because he was with family. He texted me after we hung up and said, “I might come home with a surprise.”

I can’t handle surprises so I badgered him for the next two hours about what it was. He was busy and couldn’t respond so obviously I was dying of curiosity.

Later on in the day, I was at Nordstrom (returning things I purchased online) and Brady called me back.

“What’s this fucking surprise?” I greeted him.

He laughed. “My aunt had a dog and they aren’t sure what to do with it. No one can take on a pet right now.”

“So you’re going to keep it?” I gasped.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about it. Maybe we could just keep him for a little while until we find a permanent home for him. I don’t want him to have to go to a shelter.”

When Brady said that it melted my heart – how sweet he sounded wanting to make sure the dog was safe and happy. We hung up and Brady sent me a few pictures of the dog, a tan Pomeranian looking thing. I was instantly in love and couldn’t wait to meet my new child! Literally almost started crying is the middle of Nordstrom.

So my baby daddy and son came home on Saturday night. Brady told me that the dog (Tucker) was coming with some supplies, but after I left Nordstrom I went crazy at Petsmart and got him a new bed, collar, toys, treats and a Santa outfit (I just had to).

I was waiting in the living room when Brady walked in with all his stuff and what looked like a dog carrier.

“Where is he? Let him out!” I squealed.

Brady laughed and put the pet carrier down, letting Tucker out. He came bounding out and ran right over to me.

“He likes me!” I said, picking him up.

“He’s really friendly. He likes everyone,” Brady replied.

I glared at him.

Tucker and I bonded all night. Brady kind of yelled at me for buying him new things when he already had them, but I insisted that he was starting a new life and needed new things. I’d set up Tucker’s bed at the foot of our bed, but after we turned off the lights he started whining by the side of the bed.

I got up and put him back in his bed, thinking that was the solution.

“He wants to sleep with us,” Brady said.

I’ve never slept in a bed with a dog so I wasn’t sure how I felt. I put Tucker in his bed then I got back in our bed. Literally one minute later he was whining again.

“Tucker,” I warned in my best mommy voice. “It’s bedtime.”

In his little world bedtime must mean play time because he started dancing on two legs.

“Oh my gosh, he’s so needy,” I said.

“Just bring him in the bed and let’s go to sleep,” Brady said, yawning.

So I brought Tucker in bed and he curled up between Brady and me and was sleeping within five minutes. So cute!

We were rained in on Sunday so I made breakfast and Brady and I sat around drinking this red wine/chocolate drink I got at the grocery store. We ended up getting into a fight about the basement because I wanted all new furniture and Brady assured me that we don’t need it. I mean, it’s nice and all, but it’s way too bachelor and basement looking. I won and we ordered a glass entertainment center, a modern coffee table, and an armchair. I really wanted a new sectional, but Brady wouldn’t do it.

I felt bad leaving Tucker home by himself when I went to work yesterday. I seriously considered working from home, but if we are going to keep Tucker for any significant amount of time, then he needs to learn to be alone. I felt like I needed to keep him confined to one room so I moved his bed, food and water into the office and closed him in there. Apparently he didn’t like it because the people who live upstairs texted Brady asking if we got a dog because they heard him whining and barking all day.

Can you believe I finally have a doggie? He’s so sweet and cute and wants to be near me all the time (he literally follows me into the bathroom and sits at my feet). I’m secretly afraid that Brady is going to find someone who wants him and we are going to have to give him away.

I hate work. We hired this new girl who I loved when we interviewed her, but not so much anymore. She started a few weeks ago and I liked her at first because she was sassy and seemed pretty determined to be good at her job (she’s an account exec). People claimed she kind of looked like me, especially from the back. We have the same hair color and length, have similar builds (we are the same height, but she’s shaped like a 12 year old boy whereas I have some curves, obviously). I thought I would take her under my wing, but she (Stacey) was adamant that that wouldn’t happen which is weird because if I was starting a new job I would want someone to do that for me.

One day I asked her where she was in her training and she said, “I’m almost finished. Why?”

Her tone was rude and it caught me off guard. But I still said, “I’m just trying to help. I can be a resource for you, too.”

And she rolled her eyes and stormed off. Can you believe that? I was literally just trying to help.

Another time, I heard her on a call giving out the wrong information so once she hung up I came back and told her the correct information. I was super nice about it, promise, and she goes, “I know what I’m doing, Reese.” Like what a fucking brat.

Still, I didn’t want to be mean to her because we work kind of closely together and I didn’t it to get awkward (hello, Whitney!). I was standing in the break room with Stacey and Luke one day last week and Luke was telling her how he was really intimidated by me at first.

Stacey smirked. “Really? I don’t see why you were intimidated.”

Isn’t that kind of rude? I felt like it was. What point was she trying to make? And then Luke was telling her how hot he thinks Brady is (cuz bae is hot, duh) and Stacey demanded to see a photo. I pulled up a selfie Brady sent me from work where he looks super, super hot and Stacey scrunched her nose up.

“Oh. I expected him to be a lot cuter,” she said.

That’s when I decided that I hate her. It doesn’t help that she and Luke have hit it off and go to lunch together a lot. And she’s always in his Snaps. Maybe I feel like I’ve been replaced which is embarrassingly childish, but I can’t help it. I’m territorial of my friends (and food).

On Thursday, Brady texted me wanting to get drinks after work. I guess he had a long day. So we met at this place near the house and Brady was already there drinking a beer.

“Is there food?” was the first thing I asked.

He handed me a menu and I ordered chips and guac. And a margarita. By the time I finished my second margarita I was angrily telling Brady about how much I hate Stacey.

“She said she doesn’t think you’re hot!” I concluded.

Brady smirked at me. “And you’re mad at her for that?”

“Yes!” I exclaimed. He didn’t say anything so I continued. “She’s a huge bitch. I just want a new job.”

“So you want a new job because of some new girl below you?” Brady clarified.

“It’s not just that. I’m unhappy. Everyone sucks now. Can I be a stay at home mom?” I asked.

“No.” Brady laughed. “How can you be a stay at home mom when you aren’t even a mom?”

“Well, when we get a puppy. That’ll require a lot of work,” I sniffled.

“I think you’re being dramatic and rash.”

I glared at him. “I think you’re being insensitive.”

“Fine. Quit your job then,” he said.

We changed the subject after that.

Luke invited me out on Friday night and I felt bad leaving Brady because he’d already made plans for us to order pizza and stay in. He assured me that he didn’t mind so I went anyway. We went to Boystown to dance and get cheap drinks. All the gays gagged over my outfit (high rise flare jeans, lace up crop top) and wanted to spoil me and Luke with fruity drinks. We weren’t complaining.

We ended up running into Preston and his boyfriend, Joe and some of their girl friends.

“Oh my God, you didn’t tell me you were coming here! You’re so fucking cute, I can’t deal!” Preston screamed. We hugged for an entire minute and then ran to the bar to get tequila shots, obviously.

I ended up meeting this Puerto Rican guy named Marco. He was in the bar to pick up his brother, but he was totally, 100% straight. And he was so hot (tame beard, light eyes, muscles and tattoos). I shouldn’t have, but I hung out with him and flirted with him for way too long. None of my friends stopped me. We exchanged numbers then he had to leave to take his brother home.

I had Brady come get me when I had too much to drunk. The bar ran out of the good tequila so we’d settled for some house shit that almost killed me. The next morning I woke up and cracked one eye open. Brady was walking out of the bathroom.

“We should go to Puerto Rico for New Years,” I blurted out.

“Hmm?” Brady said, looking confused.

I remembered that Marco had told me about his extended trip back home to Puerto Rico and encouraged me to go because it’s really cool.

“It’ll be fun,” I said, closing my eyes and falling back asleep.

Brady and I spent all of Saturday at Home Depot picking up shit we need for the house. The place was a zoo and we had to wait around for like two hours to even get any help. I texted Marco the whole time. Before you judge, it was totally innocent. He’s cool. We vibe really well. He reminds me of my ex a little bit, but way more mature and sweet. I think we can be friends – I don’t have any straight male friends! I’m allowed to have male friends.

That night Lindsey came over. I haven’t seen much of her since she moved out, but she likes all my Instagram pictures so I guess there’s no hard feelings. She and Brady always talk about the latest news and I’m always super curious to hear Brady’s views because Brady and I never talk about that stuff. Is that weird? I think it’s because neither of us is really that passionate or opinionated about it. Lindsey is. She’s pretty conservative and always shares stupid articles on Facebook.

I’d finished an entire bottle of wine by myself so after Lindsey left, I made Brady tell me the story of him losing his virginity.

“Ugh, why?” he groaned.

“I just want to knowwww, Brady bae,” I said.

He paused for a moment as if debating telling me. Then he said, “I was a sophomore in high school and this older girl had a crush on me.”

“Was she cute?” I interjected.

“She was all right. Blonde,” he said.

“She sounds hideous.”

Brady laughed. “Yeah. She would always hit on me. I wasn’t into her, but my friends said I should go for it – that she obviously wanted to…sleep with me.”

I regretted asking him, but I needed to hear the end of the story.

“So we did one night. At a party.”

“How was it?” I had to know.

“Nothing special. I didn’t last very long.”

“How long did you last?!”

“I don’t know. A couple minutes?”

I gasped. Then I laughed. Brady glared at me.

“That’s so precious! Let me see her!” I exclaimed.

“Um…I don’t have a picture of her,” he said.

“Facebook! Use my phone!” I pulled up Facebook, logged out and handed Brady my phone.

I waited a few minutes until he finally turned the phone around and showed me this blonde bombshell. She was seriously really hot. She looks like Miss America. So I was mad at him for claiming she was just “all right” and that he’d had sex with a hot girl. So I grabbed my phone and got in bed. Brady stayed up and hung out while I texted my new BFF, Marco, who I love. He’s so real, you know? I sometimes feel like I’m living in some fantasy land and Brady lets me believe it. Marco somehow brings me back to reality.

The next morning, Brady and I went to church with Kendra and John. Afterwards, we went to brunch and ordered a pitcher of white peach mimosas. So yummy. I think I finished an entire pitcher by myself.

Brady literally refused to take me to Nordstrom so I went home and cried then ordered a ton of stuff from Nordstrom.com. Take that! I went to Facebook on my phone and realized that Brady was still logged in. I started scrolling through his newsfeed then I went to his messages because obviously that’s where all the juice was. The first two messages were from girls whose names and faces I didn’t recognize. I suddenly felt really bad for snooping so I logged out before reading anything. See how much I’ve changed! I’m dying to know who he’s talking to and about what.

We have a work group chat and tonight we were all talking about what we were going to bring for our work holiday party next week. I said I would make a cheesecake and Stacey said, “Reese, can you even bake?” And added an annoying emoji. Luke replied, “LOL,” and I wanted to kill both of them. Maybe I was being too sensitive but it really pissed me off. I can’t fucking stand her. I’m quitting.

I wish I would have known Brady’s sister in law didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving before we went all the way to San Francisco to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. And Black Friday for that matter. They actually live about an hour away from the airport in the middle of the woods. Kind of like Brady’s parents’ house. Hunter came and picked us up (in a late 90s Range Rover, of course) and informed us that we needed to stop at the “market” to get food, but apparently that meant liquor to get us through the week. We went into the liquor store and all picked out a handle of what we wanted. Guess what I picked!

When we got to the home/cabin/solar powered castle, Hunter’s wife, Dom greeted us at the door. I met Dom last year at Brady’s dad’s party and she was a total bitch to me. So I wasn’t looking forward to seeing her again. She had the baby strapped to her torso and didn’t speak to me or Brady as we walked in.

“Did you get the asparagus?” she demanded. She glared at me and Brady like it was somehow our fault that Hunter forgot the asparagus. Guess we really should have gone to the market.

Hunter took us upstairs to the guest bedroom we would be staying in. Right across from their bedroom.

“You guys get settled in. Me and the wifey are going to make dinner,” he told us.

As soon as Hunter walked out, I said, “I can’t believe he’s still with her. She’s so awful.”

Of course Brady defended Dom and said, “He loves her.”

“She’s mean and I’m not speaking to her this whole trip,” I said.

Brady looked at me like I was being ridiculous so I rolled my eyes and said just kidding. Even though I wasn’t.

I took off my pants and took a nap in the little bed because I was exhausted from traveling. It was literally a dorm room sized bed. Super inconvenient. I’m used to our king sized bed. Brady woke me up a little while later because dinner was ready. I changed into a Free People tunic and fringe Minnetonka ankle boots. Reese-ahontas.

When we got back downstairs Dom was sitting at the table breastfeeding the baby.

“Dinner is served!” Hunter shouted and I couldn’t help thinking he meant Dom’s tits were dinner.

Luckily though, Hunter grilled steaks and potatoes for us. When we sat down to eat, Dom immediately scolded us for still living in a city as corrupt as Chicago. This was the day the cop was arrested for shooting the 17 year old boy.

“Believe me, if I didn’t have this guy, I would be marching with them. Law enforcement is so corrupt. The justice system is so corrupt,” she snarled.

I looked at Brady and Hunter and they didn’t even bother looking up at her. I guess I felt bad that they were ignoring her so is said, “Yeah, it’s really sad.”

“I’m just sick of this shit,” she kept going. “And I’m sick of people talking about how sad and unfortunate it is, but not doing anything about it.” Dom looked pointedly at me.

No wonder Hunter and Brady decided not to say anything at all. After dinner, we sat around playing with the baby, who is so fucking cute by the way. He has Dom’s darker, olive skin with huge blue eyes and light brown hair. I want my kid to look exactly like that.

The next night, the night before Thanksgiving, we all went out. Hunter and Dom have a part time nanny who helps out (even though Dom doesn’t even work) and she just happens to be blonde and super hot. She’s probably only like 19, but still. With all the marriages breaking up because of nannies recently, I wanted to warn Dom to watch her husband. But since she’s a bitch to me, I didn’t say anything.

We ended up at a gay bar downtown. It was totally my scene and naturally I wanted to get super duper drunk so I kept ordering more shots for me and Brady. I started discreetly telling people he was my gay bestie because I thought it was funny. All the guys started introducing themselves to him and asking me if he was available. Brady was super weirded out and uncomfortable, but he had no idea that I told people that. It was entertaining. I grinded my ass on him all night until he got a boner and grabbed my wrists.

“Are you almost ready?” he whispered in my ear.

I nodded my head while sipping my vodka tonic. Brady went to get Hunter and Dom while I closed our tab. On our way out the door, an older guy who was short and bald, grabbed Brady’s ass.

“Dude! I’m not gay!” Brady told him and I practically fell over laughing all the way outside. When I finally pulled myself together and wiped my tears away, I told him the truth.

“I told everyone you were gay,” I explained.

“What? Why would you do that?” Brady exclaimed.

I began laughing. “Because it was funny. All the gays love you!”

Brady grabbed my shoulders and shook me playfully. “I can’t believe you did that. Do I need to prove to you that I’m not gay?”

I nodded happily. When we got back to the house, Hunter and Brady wanted to continue taking shots. Even I was ready to call it a night. I sat there petting Brady until he was ready to go upstairs.

The next morning, we laid in bed with the iPad looking at cookware sets. New pots and pans weren’t a part of our renovation (or budget), but if I’m going to be a cooking wifey then I need new ones. I picked out copper/rose gold ones then got matching dinnerware.

While we were laying there, Brady said, “I know I don’t say it enough, but I really appreciate you.”

I glanced up at him and said, “Aw, thanks. Even though I told everyone you were gay?”

Brady laughed. “Never a dull moment with you.”

I feel like he must have seen how happy Hunter and Dom are and realized that we could be like that if we try. Neither of us share our feelings with each other often enough.

The rest of the day we were really lovey dovey and all over each other. Dom even rolled her eyes and said, “Stop being so extra.”

That night was weird. We all sat around drinking beer and someone suggested we smoke. So we left Dom and the baby inside and went outside to get high. Hunter prepared the joint/cigarette (blunt? I don’t know anything about this stuff) and we passed it around. After my first turn (and choking and coughing up my lung) I could tell something was different. I just figured San Francisco had different weed.

We finished it off and the next thing I remember is spinning around in circles in the backyard. I felt like I was going really, really fast like a dreidel, but then I would see Brady and it was like he was still and not moving, but everything else was still spinning. It was so fucking weird.

Eventually, I collapsed on the ground and started laughing uncontrollably. Brady appeared above me, grabbing my shoulders so I didn’t crack my skull on the concrete. He was saying something, but he sounded really far away and I couldn’t understand him. He tried to lift me up and I made my body limp so he couldn’t lift my deadweight.

“Dude, is she okay?” Hunter shouted from really far away.

Brady grunted in response. After letting him struggle for a little while longer, I started laughing again and got up myself. We ended up in a patio chair with me on Brady’s lap. We started kissing and I thought it would be funny and cute to bite his bottom lip. Apparently I did it too hard.

“Ow! Fuck!” Brady exclaimed. He touched his fingers to his lip and I saw that there was blood. I started sobbing.

“I’m such an awful person. I don’t blame you for hating me!” I cried.

Brady didn’t respond because he was trying to stop his lip from bleeding.

“I’m calling 911,” I declared getting up.

“Reese, don’t,” he said, following me.

Luckily my phone was nowhere to be found. We went inside and I started baking a chocolate cake I found in one of the cabinets. I popped it in the oven and chugged a bottle of water. I finished it in under ten seconds. Brady and I went upstairs and as soon as I sat on the bed I fell asleep.

The next day we had plans of going to a winery so I woke up excited for that. I had kind of forgotten about the night before until Brady told me that Dom was annoyed with me and I should probably apologize when I got a chance. I had no idea why she would possibly be mad at me so I asked.

“Well, you left a cake baking in the oven for two and a half hours and could have burned the house down,” he explained.

“Oh,” I said. “Do they not have any smoke detectors?”

Brady just looked at me. I finished getting ready, putting on my warmest, most boho, hippie outfit ever. I’m going through a boho phase right now.

I avoided Dom the entire day. I could tell she was still annoyed and ignoring me too, but would sometimes make snarky comments. I was sipping on a particular red wine and I complained that it was too bitter.

Dom said, “People like you can never be satisfied.” And she just kept making remarks like that the whole trip.

When we got back home, Dom got inside and snatched the baby from the nanny and immediately opened her shirt to start nursing. She went upstairs and the nanny, Caitlin, stayed and hung out with us for a little while. I wanted to ask her how she stands working for such an evil witch like Dom, but I decided not to. As she was leaving, she told Hunter she would be going on a trip and he said, “Text me and remind me.” Obviously it was totally innocent, but I secretly hoped that they had an affair going on. Then I got mad at myself for thinking something so mean.

We left San Francisco early on Saturday morning. I had fun, but I was beyond ready to get home. Especially because I had like four packages waiting for me.

On Saturday night, even though I was exhausted, I went out with Lexi and some of her friends. I didn’t know it at the time, but she and Kyle fizzled out and now she’s talking to a new guy who we met up with that night. He brought a friend and the friend started making passes at me immediately. And I missed my boyfriend so I ended up going home early.

Brady and I spent all of Sunday decorating the house for Christmas. We spent about $460 on decorations that morning (including a tree) because the place just didn’t feel festive enough.

Decorating is exhausting. I was so tired by the end of it that I ordered a pizza for dinner and fell asleep before it even arrived. I feel like I’m turning into a housewife.

Speaking of, Dale is micromanaging everyone and making us all hate our jobs. Luke is even talking to a recruiter about finding a new one. I’ve always loved my job now and now that I’m not having the same experience, I seriously want to quit. I know I shouldn’t give up that easily (and I won’t), but going to work everyday when you don’t like your job is really hard. I hope Brady proposes soon so we can get married and I can stay home and have a baby. Just kidding.