I pulled my 7 year old DS out of public school in January 2009. He has ADHD and possible asperger's syndrome. We find out on Monday if he is on the autism spectrum or not. We had a lot of problems w/public school and felt forced to homeschool.

Well, 5 months later I am in love with homeschooling. We belong to a homeschool support group led by two awesome homeschooling moms and are starting a 2 class, once a week co-op in the fall. We have park days once a week and field trips. DS and I have read countless books, become closer to God and each other, and fallen in love with learning all over again.

However, DS's neurodevelopmental pediatrician as well as our educational coordinator at the autism agency has strongly, strongly recommended we put him in private school. They say he needs more structured peer time on a daily basis, versus the unstructured not as frequent peer time he has now. DS has not bonded with any of the homeschooled children in our group and has social problems. At this point we do not know if it is autism or not.

I don't know what to do. I have prayed about it a lot and asked God to lead me in the right direction. When I talk with DS's doctor/educational coordinator I feel he needs private school. When I talk to my homeschooling friends, I feel he needs to be home.

He had a lot of problems at school this past year. Who knows if a private school teacher is going to accept his quirky behavior any better than the public school teachers did.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Last edited by MommyJenny on Fri May 15, 2009 6:00 pm; edited 1 time in total

What I have learned...and my son has ADHD/ODD is that you listen to what YOU think is best for your child in your heart.
Personally...the private school..is it for chidren with your DS's differences? I never call what our children have been given as a disability.
If it is just a "private school"...my personal view...will be that more difficult. I think that there could be more stressors and does your child really need that??
I took my son out of PS due to the lack of accommodations for his differences and by finding a co-op or other homeschool families will give him the social interaction he needs.
Please keep me in the loop as to your choice and I'm interested as to how his tests come out.

I think you'll make the right decision
(((HUGS)))_________________Barbie
"momma" to Brandon; 14 and two pups, Bugsy 6 and Milo 4 mos!

one more thing..I failed to mention...my DS is also dyslexic and an audio/visual learner. I really have my work cut out for me, but I KNOW my son will succeed and go farther than any school, public or private, can promise. I'd rather pass on the "good intentions" instructors and professionals can offer my son. They do not know him like I do

I vote for HSing... but I'm a little biased. I have felt the pressure that you are describing, as my youngest son has Down Syndrome. Even within the families with DS, HSing is NOT a very popular idea.

Regarding private schools, it is my understanding that most of them do not have many resources for aiding any special needs. Public schools receive government funding for this.

About your son's social issues... IMO, smaller, more intimate settings would provide better opportunities for meaningful connections and interactions. It sounds as if you've been providing the opportunities. Beyond that, if it turns out that he has Asperger's, perhaps there is a therapy that would be beneficial. (Behaviorist or occupational therapist or ?) And... I believe it is hogwash that his peer interactions must be daily in order to produce any positive outcome.

Consider that your son's docs may be biased just as I am. Do they have data comparing outcomes between HSed children on the spectrum to those that were "other" schooled? Probably not. For all you know, their spouse/parent is a teacher and they come from a family that resents HSers "thinking" they are qualified to do what they have been educated to do.

Remind yourself regularly of all the triumphs you and your son have had since HSing.

Well we had the review with the developmental pediatrician. Good news: DS is NOT in any way autistic. Bad news: He has ADHD, possible depression which causes the anxiety, fragile child syndrome, and, amongst other things, Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). ODD basically means as parents, we suck. (doctor's exact words) He said again, DS is a difficult child, always has been, always will be. We can never give in ever. He recommended the behavioral therapy for all 3 of us, prozac in a very small dosage, date nights each week for DH and I, etc. He again reiterated that we not homeschool. He said it was too much on me, having to make him mind 24/7 and never getting a break. He said that what the school board didn't tell us was that with his IEP we as parents can veto anything on his IEP. So, say they want him to repeat 2nd grade and stick him in the class with the same teachers whom he did not get along with. We have the right to say no, place him somewhere else in the county. The doctor was mostly concerned about his possible depression. But he is not a psychiatrist, but a neurodevelopmental pediatrician, and he wants us to follow up with DS's psychiatrist. See about the prozac. He said DS was about as average as a kid his age came re: mental capabilities and a little slow physically. He reads and comprehends on a third/fourth grade level. It's just behaviorally he is delayed.

So basically we have to be a united front, we only say things once, he goes in the corner all day. He loses all his privileges. But the key is that DS WANTS to behave. He longs to be disciplined and reined in. We just have to do it.

He has been a very, very manipulative little boy. A lot of it is his inborn temperment, but a lot of it is DH and I. He has divided us down the middle and that can't happen anymore. This is war! He has the right to be loved, to good food, clothing, and shelter but that's it. The rest are privileges we can take away.

So the doctor wrote him up a new IEP. It is simply "other health impairment." He wrote it up in a way to get us as many services as possible and a highest matrix number as possible. We will have to put him in public school if we decide to do that. DH doesn't want to talk about it anymore tonight. We're filled to the brim with info. If we decide to do that, I'll have to enroll him as a regular student (send in my intent to stop homeschooling) and I don't know how they will determine what grade he goes into. The doctor said he was capable of third grade. We get him through public school until the end of February next year then we apply for the McKay scholarship and get him into a good private school.

UMMMM...my son has ODD and I don't suck!! I am appalled that a doctor would say that. Actually I'd fire him, but thats me.
You know...why put a child back through all that??
While it is true you have to stand your ground with a manipulative child, I have been thisclose to taking everything out of my son's room...and I mean everthing short of a matress. Sometimes the extreme has to be done, but when it is done, my son does not show the ODD at home. He may try to manipulate with stories and excuses, but bottom line..he gets "X" taken away of he does negative "X" thing. One issue I do not have is the Asperger's Syndrome..so what I do may not work.
I am a single parent doing it all....we also see a psychiatrist and therapist, which does help.

Good luck with your decision, but I'd stand my gorund and atleast try to homeschool for a year.
If it does not work, then he can go back to PS..and you can definitely find
"couple time" when you child is home.
Barbie_________________Barbie
"momma" to Brandon; 14 and two pups, Bugsy 6 and Milo 4 mos!