This is every single uni grad condensed into a starter pack

Jonny Long

6 months ago

What the careers advisors failed to tell you

At university, everyone fits into neat little boxes. You have the mum of the group, the sad boy, the hockey girls, the list goes on and on. But what happens after they graduate and go off into the big wide world? Turns out there are also neat little boxes ready made for recent grads too!

The uni stoners are still smoking a medium-to-large amount of the devil's lettuce, the hockey girls now work in PR, and everyone who studied Economics won't stop fucking posting on LinkedIn.

Luckily, we've boiled down their entire personalities into starter pack form. What better way to while away your working life. Just remember, only 40 more years until you can retire and wait for the warm embrace of death!

The 'rugby lad who now works in finance' grad

They've not changed since uni, except now they have more money for pinting!

The 'not done exploring the world yet' grad

"There's just so much cocaine in South America that I haven't had the chance to experience yet."

The 'yeahhhh I work at this really cool start-up' grad

They're going to change the world solely by "grinding" and "hustling". I won't hold my breath.

The unemployed stoner grad

"Basic universal income is PROVEN to benefit society as a whole."

The '£30k salary but still lives at home' grad girl

How are they always on holiday and why always Dubai?

The arty grad

Oh you've got really into photography, cool.

The PR girl grad

Almost definitely blonde, almost definitely called Millie, almost definitely going for brunch this Saturday.

The 'making loads of soulless money in recruitment' grad

Money, MONEY. Loads of it. Give me all of the money and I promise never to post on LinkedIn again.