I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop.Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.

3

How many boardsCould the Mongols hoardIf the Mongol hordes got bored?

from the comic Calvin & Hobbes, by Bill Waterson

4

How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

5

Send toast to ten tense stout saints' ten tall tents.

by Raymond Weisling

6

Denise sees the fleece,Denise sees the fleas.At least Denise could sneezeand feed and freeze the fleas.

7

Coy knows pseudonoise codes.

by Pierre Abbat

8

Sheena leads, Sheila needs.

9

The thirty-three thieves thought that they thrilled the throne throughout Thursday.

10

Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.

by Meaghan Desbiens

11

Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

12

Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.

13

You cuss, I cuss, we all cuss, for asparagus!

from a Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson

14

Roberta ran rings around the Roman ruins.

15

Clean clams crammed in clean cans.

16

Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.

17

I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish.

18

Stupid superstition!

19

There was a fisherman named Fisherwho fished for some fish in a fissure.Till a fish with a grin,pulled the fisherman in.Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

20

World Wide Web

21

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,A short, sharp shock, a big black block!To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,And awaiting the sensationFrom a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

There those thousand thinkers were thinking how did the other three thieves go through.

27

Santa's Short Suit Shrunk

name of a children's book

28

I was born on a pirate ship

Hold your tounge while saying it.

29

I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!

30

Wayne went to Wales to watch walruses.

31

In 'ertford, 'ereford and 'ampshire, 'urricanes 'ardly Hever 'appen.

from the film "My Fair Lady"

32

One-one was a race horse.Two-two was one too.One-one won one race.Two-two won one too.

33

Eleven benevolent elephants

34

Celibate celebrant, celibate celebrant, celibate celebrant, ...

35

Willy's real rear wheel

David Bowser in Harrisburg, PA

36

If Pickford's packers packed a packet of crisps would the packet of crisps that Pickford's packers packed survive for two and a half years?

from Naomi Fletcher's real life

37

Six sleek swans swam swiftly southwards

38

Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.

39

Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?

40

Pirates Private Property

41

What a terrible tongue twister,what a terrible tongue twister,what a terrible tongue twister...

42

When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write. ...continued here

43

A big black bug bit a big black dog on his big black nose!

by Kitty Morrow

44

Elizabeth's birthday is on the third Thursday of this month.

45

Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.

46

Flash message!

47

Frogfeet, flippers, swimfins.

48

Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.

49

How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

50

How much ground would a groundhog hog, if a groundhog could hog ground? A groundhog would hog all the ground he could hog, if a groundhog could hog ground.

51

How much pot, could a pot roast roast, if a pot roast could roast pot.

52

How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.

53

Mary Mac's mother's making Mary Mac marry me.My mother's making me marry Mary Mac.Will I always be so Merry when Mary's taking care of me?Will I always be so merry when I marry Mary Mac?

from a song by Carbon Leaf

54

Mr. Tongue Twister tried to train his tongue to twist and turn, and twit an twat, to learn the letter "T".

55

Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.

56

She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?

57

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.

from Fox in Sox by Dr. Seuss

58

Two tried and true tridents

59

rudder valve reversals

the cause of some plane crashes

60

Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.

61

How many cans can a cannibal nibbleif a cannibal can nibble cans?As many cans as a cannibal can nibbleif a cannibal can nibble cans.

I stood sadly on the silver steps of Burgess's fish sauce shop, mimicking him hiccuping, and wildly welcoming him within.

78

As I was in Arkansas I saw a saw that could out saw any saw I ever saw saw. If you happen to be in Arkansas and see a saw that can out saw the saw I saw saw I'd like to see the saw you saw saw.

79

black back bat

80

The queen in green screamed.

81

How many berries could a bare berry carry,if a bare berry could carry berries?Well they can't carry berries(which could make you very wary)but a bare berry carried is more scary!

82

What did you have for breakfast?- rubber balls and liquor!What did you have for lunch?- rubber balls and liquor!What did you have for dinner?- rubber balls and liquor!What do you do when your sister comes home?- rubber balls and liquor!

83

Snap Crackel pop,Snap Crackel pop,Snap Crackel pop

84

Six slimy snails sailed silently.

85

I thought, I thought of thinking of thanking you.

86

Seven slick slimey snakes slowly sliding southward.

87

Red Buick, blue Buick

88

Roofs of mushrooms rarely mush too much.

by Matt Duchnowski

89

He threw three balls.

90

The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.

91

Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.

92

We're real rear wheels.

93

Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.

94

I wish to wash my Irish wristwatch.

95

Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.

96

On a lazy laser raiser lies a laser ray eraser.

97

Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.

98

Tom threw Tim three thumbtacks.

99

How much caramel can a canny canonball cram in a camel if a canny canonball can cram caramel in a camel?

Out in the pasture the nature watcher watches the catcher. While the catcher watches the pitcher who pitches the balls. Whether the temperature's up or whether the temperature's down, the nature watcher, the catcher and the pitcher are always around. The pitcher pitches, the catcher catches and the watcher watches. So whether the temperature's rises or whether the temperature falls the nature watcher just watches the catcher who's watching the pitcher who's watching the balls.

by Sharon Johnson

124

Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.

125

John, where Peter had had "had had", had had "had";"had had" had had his master's approval.

126

Excited executioner exercising his excising powers excessively.

127

Pail of ale aiding ailing Al's travails.

from India

128

Double bubble gum, bubbles double.

129

If you can't can any candy can,how many candy cans can a candy canner canif he can can candy cans ?

130

Octopus ocular optics.andA cat snaps a rat's paxwax.

by Pierre Abbat

131

This is the sixth zebra snoozing thoroughly.

132

Salty broccoli, salty broccoli, salty broccoli ....

133

I saw Esau kissing Kate.I saw Esau, he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.

What a to do to die todayAt a quarter or two to two.A terrible difficult thing to sayBut a harder thing still to do.The dragon will come at the beat of the drumWith a rat-a-tat-tat a-tat-tat a-tat-toAt a quarter or two to two today,At a quarter or two to two.

from a college drama class

171

Love's a feeling you feel when you feelyou're going to feel the feeling you've never felt before.

172

Silly sheep weep and sleep.

173

Truly rural, truly rural, truly rural, ...

174

A turbot's not a burbot, for a turbot's a butt, but a burbot's not.

175

I know a boy named Tatewho dined with his girl at eight eight.I'm unable to state what Tate ate at eight eightor what Tate's tête à tête ate at eight eight.

176

The seething sea ceaseth; thus the seething sea sufficeth us.

177

Real weird rear wheels

by Michael Dworkin and Bill Harvey

178

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.

179

A pessimistic pest exists amidst us.

180

Knife and a fork bottle and a corkthat is the way you spell New York.

Chicken in the car and the car can go,that is the way you spell Chicago.

181

Five fuzzy French frogs Frolicked through the fields in France.

182

Two to two to Toulouse?

183

Swatch watch

184

Dr. Johnson and Mr. Johnson, after great consideration, came to the conclusion that the Indian nation beyond the Indian Ocean is back in education because the chief occupation is cultivation.

185

Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

186

Buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood, buckets of bug blood

187

I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.

188

If coloured caterpillars could change their colours constantly could they keep their coloured coat coloured properly?

189

We won, we won, we won, we won, ...

190

Thirty-three thousand people think that Thursday is their thirtieth birthday.

by Julia Dicum

191

How much ground could a grounghog grind if a groundhog could grind ground?

I shot the city sheriff.I shot the city sheriff.I shot the city sheriff.

225

A lady sees a pot-mender at work at his barrow in the street."Are you copper-bottoming 'em, man?""No, I'm aluminiuming 'em, Mam."

226

I am not a pheasant plucker,I'm a pheasant plucker's sonbut I'll be plucking pheasantsWhen the pheasant plucker's gone.

227

Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop.All day long she sits and shines,all day long she shines and sits,and sits and shines, and shines and sits,and sits and shines, and shines and sits.Suzie, Suzie, working in a shoeshine shop.

Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.All day long he fits and tucks,all day long he tucks and fits,and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits,and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits.Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.

sung by Ian Mackintosh

228

Preshrunk silk shirts.

229

Craig Quinn's quick trip to Crabtree Creek.

230

Six shining cities, six shining cities, six shining cities.

231

While we were walking, we were watching window washers wash Washington's windows with warm washing water.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter.If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.So 't was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.

236

How much oil boil can a gum boil boil if a gum boil can boil oil?

237

Good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood, good blood, bad blood.

238

No nose knows like a gnome's nose knows.

by the Hofman family

239

Freshly fried fresh flesh

240

There are two minutes difference from four to two to two to two, from two to two to two, too.

241

There once was a man who had a sister, his name was Mr. Fister. Mr. Fister's sister sold sea shells by the sea shore. Mr. Fister didn't sell sea shells, he sold silk sheets. Mr. Fister told his sister that he sold six silk sheets to six shieks. The sister of Mr. Fister said I sold six shells to six shieks too!

242

Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. But if Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore then where are the sea shells Sally sells?

243

She stood on the steps of Burgess's Fish Sauce Shop, mimicking him hiccuping and amicably welcoming him in.

She sells sea shells on the sea shore;The shells that she sells are sea shells I'm sure.So if she sells sea shells on the sea shore,I'm sure that the shells are sea shore shells.

247

You know New York.You need New York.You know you need unique New York.

248

What noise annoys an oyster most?A noisy noise annoys an oyster most.

249

Ripe white wheat reapers reap ripe white wheat right.

250

Blake's black bike's back brake bracket block broke.

251

Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.

252

She slits the sheet she sits on.

253

A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.

254

A twister of twists once twisted a twist.and the twist that he twisted was a three-twisted twist.now in twisting this twist, if a twist should untwist,would the twist that untwisted untwist the twists?

255

Red lolly, yellow lolly.

256

Mrs Hunt had a country cut frontin the front of her country cut pettycoat.

257

Knapsack strap.

258

John, where Molly had had "had", had had "had had". "Had had " had had the teachers approval

259

Miss Smith's fish-sauce shop seldom sells shellfish.

260

Great gray goats

261

Whether the weather be fineor whether the weather be not.Whether the weather be coldor whether the weather be hot.We'll weather the weatherwhether we like it or not.

262

Sunshine city, sunshine city, sunshine city, ...

263

The batter with the butter is the batter that is better!

264

There's a sandwich on the sand which was sent by a sane witch.

265

How many yaks could a yak pack pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?

266

Twelve twins twirled twelve twigs.

267

If you stick a stock of liquor in your lockerit is slick to stick a lock upon your stockor some joker who is slickeris going to trick you of your liquorif you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.

268

Clowns grow glowing crowns.

269

Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie managerimagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

When a doctor doctors a doctor,does the doctor doing the doctoringdoctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored ordoes the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor?

278

What to do to die today at a minute or two to two. A terribly difficult thing to say and a harder thing to do. A dragon will come and beat his drum Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-too at a minute or two to two today. At a minute or two to two.

Who is the author?

279

If two witches would watch two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now, if Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.

290

Shoe section, shoe section, shoe section, ...

291

A smart fella, a fella smart.It takes a smart fella to say a fella smart.

292

She is a thistle-sifter. She has a sieve of unsifted thistles and a sieve of sifted thistles and the sieve of unsifted thistles she sifts into the sieve of sifted thistles because she is a thistle-sifter.

293

Admidst the mists and coldest frosts,With stoutest wrists and loudest boasts,He thrusts his fists against the posts,And still insists he sees the ghosts.

294

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear,Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair,Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy,was he?

295

Blue glue gun, green glue gun.

296

Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat, ...

297

Mallory's hourly salary.

298

I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, and on that slitted sheet I sit.

299

Don't spring on the inner-spring this spring or there will be an offspring next spring.

300

A flea and a fly in a flue,were imprisoned. So what could they do?Said the fly, "Let us flee".Said the flea, "Let us fly".So they flew through a flaw in the flue.

301

King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb.A thousand thistles King Thistle stuck in the thistle of his thumb.If King Thistle stuck a thousand thistles in the thistle of his thumb,How many thistles did King Thistle stick in the thistle of his thumb?

302

Five fat friars frying flat fish.

303

The bottle of perfume that Willy sentwas highly displeasing to Millicent.Her thanks were so coldthat they quarreled, I'm toldo'er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent

304

Esau Wood sawed wood. All the wood Esau Wood saw, Esau Wood would saw. All the wood Wood saw, Esau sought to saw. One day Esau Wood's wood-saw would saw no wood. So Esau Wood sought a new wood-saw. The new wood-saw would saw wood. Oh, the wood Esau Wood would saw. Esau sought a saw that would saw wood as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau found a saw that would saw as no other wood-saw would saw. And Esau Wood sawed wood.

305

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

306

Extinct insects' instincts, extant insects' instincts.

by Pierre Abbat

307

Sweater weather, leather weather.

308

One black beetle bled only black blood, the other black beetle bled blue.

309

The big black bug's blood ran blue.

310

I am not the pheasant plucker,I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.I am only plucking pheasants'cause the pheasant plucker's late.

311

Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?

Here's an easy game to play.Here's an easy thing to say:If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!You can't say this? What a shame, sir!We'll find you another game, sir.If the label on the cable on the table at your house,Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your rom.Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

from the Unix fortune database, attributed to DementDJ@ccip.perkin-elmer.com in the rec.humor.funny newsgroup

I thought a thought.But the thought I thought Wasn't the thought I thought I thought.If the thought I thought I thought,Had been the thought I thought,I wouldn't have thought I thought.

329

She sells sea shells on the seashore.The seashells she sells are seashells she is sure.

330

From the programmer's desk:She sells cshs by the C shore.

331

A noise annoys an oyster, but a noisy noise annoys an oyster more!

332

Plain bun, plum bun, bun without plum.

333

Slick slim slippers sliding south.

334

The Leith police dismisseth usThey thought we sought to stay; The Leith police dismisseth usThey thought we'd stay all day.The Leith police dismisseth us,We both sighed sighs apiece; And the sighs that we sighed as we said goodbyeWere the size of the Leith police.

She sells seashells on the seashore. The seashells she sells are seashore seashells.

348

Irish wristwatch

349

She had shoulder surgery.

350

To put a pipe in byte mode, type PIPE_TYPE_BYTE.

from the Visual C++ help file.

351

Three Tree Turtles

Three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters.If three tree turtles took turns talking tongue twisters,where's the twisters the three tree turtles talked?

352

My Friend Gladys

Oh, the sadness of her sadness when she's sad.Oh, the gladness of her gladness when she's glad.But the sadness of her sadness,and the gladness of her gladness,Are nothing like her madness when she's mad!

353

I would if I could, and if I couldn't, how could I?You couldn't, unless you could, could you?

If a Hottentot taught a Hottentot tot to talk ere the tot could totter, ought the Hottentot tot be taught to say ought or naught or what ought to be taught 'er?

362

How many cans can a canner can if a canner can can cans? A canner can can as many cans as a canner can if a canner can can cans.

363

Federal Express is now called FedEx.When I retire I'll be a FedEx ex.But if I'm an officer when I retire, I'll be an ex Fedex Exec.Then after a divorce, my ex-wife will be an ex FedEx exec's ex.If I rejoin FedEx in time, I'd be an ex ex FedEx exec.When we remarry, my wife will be an ex ex FedEx exec's ex.

364

Which witch snitched the stitched switch for which the Swiss witch wished?

by Ann Clark

365

Does this shop sport short socks with spots?

366

Customer: Do you have soothers?Shopkeeper (thinking he had said "scissors"): No, we don't have scissors.Customer: Soothers!Shopkeeper : No, we don't have scissors or soothers.... scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, scissors or soothers, ...

actual conversation in a shop in Canada, recorded by Don Monson

367

Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.All day long he fits and tucks,all day long he tucks and fits,and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits,and fits and tucks, and tucks and fits.Tommy, Tommy, toiling in a tailor's shop.

368

No need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight.

369

I wish to wish, I dream to dream, I try to try, and I live to live, and I'd die to die, and I cry to cry but I dont know why.

from a Song by Soundgarden named "Somewhere" composed and written by Ben Shepherd

I bought a bit of baking powder and baked a batch of biscuits. I brought a big basket of biscuits back to the bakery and baked a basket of big biscuits. Then I took the big basket of biscuits and the basket of big biscuits and mixed the big biscuits with the basket of biscuits that was next to the big basket and put a bunch of biscuits from the basket into a biscuit mixer and brought the basket of biscuits and the box of mixed biscuits and the biscuit mixer to the bakery and opened a tin of sardines.

Said to be a diction test for would-be radio announcers: To be read clearly, without mistakes, in less than 20 seconds (from Coronet Magazine, August 1948).

375

Kanta is a masai girl. She can tie a tie and untie a tie. If Kanta can tie a tie and untie a tie, why can't I tie a tie and untie a tie?

Name of a sketch written by Dion Titheradge for a London musical revue and originally performed by Cicely Courtneidge in the early 1930's. The comedienne Bea Lillie performed the sketch in an American film starring Bing Crosby in 1938, and that film's name was "Doctor Rhythm". The sketch became famous and Lillie did perform it on numerous occasions on radio, as well as record it on two 78rpm records.

Esau Wood saw a wood saw, saw wood, as no wood saw would saw wood. If Esau Wood saw a wood saw, saw wood, as no wood saw would saw wood, where is the wood saw witch would saw wood, as no wood saw would saw wood.

If a Hottentot tot taught a Hottentot tot to talk before the tot would totter, ought the Hottentot tot be taught to say ought, or naught, or what ought to be taught the Hottentot tot? If to hoot and to toot a Hottentot tot be taught by a Hottentot tutor, should the tutor get hot if the Hottentot tot hoots and toots at the Hottentot tutor?

426

There was a writer called Wright, he taught his son to write Wright right:"It's not right to write Wright 'Rite', please try to write Wright right!"

427

Very rare vagrant wader

a "vagrant wader" is a wading bird that is not typical to a particular region

428

Crash Quiche Course

429

I broke a brickbat and a brickbat broke me.

430

A wooden worm wouldn't be worthy of worship but would he if he wondered and worried about what he would be worthy of if he wasn't wooden?

Feeling footloose, fancy-free and frisky, this feather-brained fellow finagled his fond father into forking over his fortune. Forthwith, he fled for foreign fields and frittered his farthings feasting fabulously with fair-weather friends. Finally, fleeced by those folly filled fellows and facing famine, he found him-self a feed flinger in a filthy farm-lot. He fain would have filled his frame with foraged food from fodder fragments."Fooey! My father's flunkies fare far fancier," the frazzled fugitive fumed feverishly, frankly facing fact.Frustrated from failure and filled with forebodings, he fled for his family. Falling at his father's feet, he floundered forlornly. "Father, I have flunked and fruitlessly forfeited further family favors . . ."But the faithful father, forestalling further flinching, frantically flagged his flunkies to fetch forth the finest fatling and fix a feast.But the fugitive's fault finding frater, faithfully farming his father's fields for free, frowned at this fickle forgiveness of former falderal. His fury flashed, but fussing was futile.His foresighted father figured, "Such filial fidelity is fine, but what forbids fervent festivities? The fugitive is found! Unfurl the flags! With fanfare flaring, let fun, frolic and frivolity flow freely, former failures forgotten and folly forsaken."Forgiveness forms a firm foundation for future fortitude.(Sir John Hensch of London)

But if you must,you may trustto go bust,and back to dust,which serves you just.

on board of a Victory Ship in the 1940s

454

A sad story about Nobody

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody, when Nobody did, what Anybody could have done.

455

Mr Knott and Mr Watt on the Phone

Hello?Who's calling?Watt.What's your name?Watt's my name.Yes, what is your name?My name is John Watt.John what?Yes.... I'll call on you this afternoon.All right, are you Jones?No, I'm Knott.Will you tell me your name, then?Will Knott.Why not?My name is Knott.Not what?Not Watt. Knott.What?

V: Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.[carves V into poster on wall]V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.[giggles]V: Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

from the screenplay of the movie "V for Vendetta", at the beginning, when V meets Evie for the first time

488

chip shop chips

489

Velvet RevolverVelvet RevolverVelvet Revolver...

490

Shine my city shoes!

repeat really fast

491

Sniff Sesh! Sniff Sesh! Sniff Sesh!

a dog sniffing a blanket

492

The Knight said, "He's", with niceties, "some nights a tease or nice at ease on nice settees".

493

How much snus could a moose on the loose useif a moose on the loose could use loose snus?

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Black Rock Brain Lock

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Which Witch snitched the Snitch Witch?Or did the Snitch Witch snitch the Witch?If the Snitch Witch snitched the Witch then which Witch did the Snitch Witch snitch?