BREAKING: FBI Raids Clinton Foundation

The FBI’s BHEM task force is currently in the midst of an operation at the Clinton Foundation headquarters in Manhattan. A constant stream of agents was seen carrying boxes for nearly half an hour, filling three extended cargo vans.

While nobody named Clinton was actually onsite, the VP of Operations, Sarah McGillicuddy, was arrested for being in possession of altered tax documents and forged business ledgers. The Clintons’ lawyer, Fist Hawthorne, says the Clintons had nothing to do with whatever is going on at that Foundation they swear they’re so incredible at running.

The raid was authorized by the Justice Department at the request of Trey Gowdy, whose committee felt they had enough evidence for a warrant. A federal judge agreed. The Committee To Convict Clinton has been holding closed door hearing for over a month now since the Clinton Foundation cargo ship incident.

Hopefully this investigation will go smoother than some of the previous attempts. Hiccups along the way in the past have caused many of the wrongdoings of the Clintons to go unnoticed or to be swept under the rug as “unsolvable.”

As far as anyone can tell, the Clintons are spending their summer sitting on their front porch drinking lemonade — or vodka lemonade, maybe — and don’t seem to care that their world is going to come crashing down all around them.

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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sat·ire ~ˈsaˌtī(ə)r

noun

the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, OR ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

If you disagree with the definition of satire or have decided it is synonymous with “comedy,” you should really just move along.