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The Lost Love

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MillionaireMatch

The Lost Love

So I'm not really on here for advice, I'm on here more of a venting situation. You see alittle more than 5 years ago I met this guy through a mutual friend, we lived states away but he was such a cool person that I started to like him, also I was trying to get over someone else so he was a good distraction. we talked and got to know each other for about 6 months before we decided to actually meet in person. he was just so down to earth and dorky that I began to have real feelings for him. when I finally drove the 2 1/2 hours to go see him I was so excited to find out if our connection would've been real. and honestly I thought it genuinely was. I wanted to show him that woman can treat him right and be there for him . well fast toward a couple of months and we became pregnant, it was definitely too soon but I was told that It was possible that I would've never had kids so when I heard the news I was scared happy and most of all shocked. it was both of our first child and I thought I had found my family I always wanted to have. well fast forward to a month before I gave birth I found out he was lying to me about being friends with an ex of his. normally things like that wouldn't bother me but this particular ex had already tried to disrespect our relationship. He than began to say he would never talk to her again. okay so let's fast forward a month after. I had already given birth and my daughter was just turning two weeks old. I woke up at 5 am and I noticed he was still awake and acting quite weird. so when I officially woke up at 8 am something told me to check his phone which I have NEVER did before that. he was sleeping at that time so I snuck into his phone and began to read messages going back and forth between a "friend" of his, let's just say those messages were alittle tooooo friendly. on top of that there were other messages of an other ex, and I found out while I was pregnant he went to go hang out with her. so I said I was going to up and leave and all I kept thinking about was how am I going to rip my babygirl away from a family so soon. part of me knew I should've left but a big part of me would've done anything to have a family of my own. later on in the year we ended up moving to his hometown at this point in 50 percent hatred 20 percent love and 30 percent wishful thinking. well month and months pass and I felt as if something was off but I kept hoping that it was just me. let's just say any female friend of his I tried to make sure it was on a tight leash because of the pain I already went through. about a year later I started to receive the same gut wrenching feeling in my stomach to check his phone, mind you now that the trust is gone I was checking it kinda frequently. but this one day I just felt like I was going to find something. and low and behold I find a fake Facebook and messages between him and another "friend" this time he was mentioning to her that the girl he slept with was asking why is he cheating on her. then on top of it they were sending nudes back and forth. so it was like a double punch to the gut and at that moment I knew I was done with it. I didn't want it anymore. he not only emotionally cheating but he actually physically had intercourse with another woman . he cried and pleaded for me to give him one more shot that he regretted it and I should've realized then if you honestly regretted it why did you send a pic of your penis to the same chick you were bragging about having sex with another female. but of course my thoughts get the best of me and Im like maybe this is it. let's give it one more try. at this point im 75 percent hatred 5 percent love and 20 percent wishful thinking. then for the next year and a half we are fine and it seemed like he stopped all the bull. I was about 60 percent hatred 15 percent love and 25 percent wishful thinking. until recently. 2 days before my birthday he actually started flirting with another female friend of his and they sent each other nudes. I was just torn. completely. I know I'm not perfect, I know I have my issues but damn I try to be the best fricken mother I can be, I don't go out with friends, I let him hang out with his homeboys whenever he wants. my days consist on working then coming home and devoting it to my daughter. yes I can learn to be alittle more organized and clean yes I can probably benefit from being alittle more attentive to him. but damn it's not like he tried to be attentive to me. then I find out when we first moved to his hometown he was actually flirting around and messing with this girl. who so happened to be one of his friends girlfriend at the time. and honestly I said I was going to give this a try but to be completely honest I'm 90 percent hatred 2 percent love and 8 percent wishful thinking. I don't want to rip my daughter away and if we split he would have no other choice than to move 2 hours away since he doesn't have family in this state. I'm honestly torn on what to do. he told his mom he truly wants to be with me. but how can you hurt the person you supposedly love so many times. that's just so so so soooo selfish and now any little argument is literally like making everything flood into my brain like a damn tsunami. I lost the love for myself through it all. I'm just LOST.....

He is a narcissist and a player. You must believe in your self and you are better than this. you are valued and worth more than this! this guy will never love you, only use you! move him on. Say No more. Get out of my life. You wanted a child, you have one, he doesnt want the responsibility of a child.. he is a liar and a cheater. Please believe in yourself and let him go... he is doing you a favor by meeting up with other women.. he is showing you he is unreliable and is not committed to you and your child, so let him off and move him on. Hard, but the best thing believe me,,I have been a sorry state and shattered hear, fallen too many times for the narcissist man..... you are worth more!