Going Home to Stay

With the school year coming to a conclusion, some of us are anticipating moving home for more than just the summer recess. This transition can be both exciting and most certainly, daunting. There’s so much to consider and so many tasks to accomplish. It’s just like staring over! Fortunately, advice and comradery is not far away.

Claudia: “For me, coming home was a brand new adventure, and it’s amazing how even though family tell you how much they want you back, they have all moved on with their own busy routines that don’t include you. Even my parents! My husband and I found out about gatherings and outings we used to be included in well after the fact and we felt like outcasts. It was a weird time.”

Russ: “None of my friends really wanted to hear about my trip, or see pictures and they REALLY got tired when I kept bringing up stories and situations about how another culture solves the problem so easily. This is especially true of other teachers who don’t want to hear how great my students were, or how much easier things were.”

Edmond:“We’ve been out long enough. We have money in the bank, seen a good chunk of the world and are thinking of trying life Stateside again. It just feels like time to go home. We find we miss the football games, seasonal celebrations and the myriad of family gatherings. If we do go home and find it’s not as wonderful as we are imagining we can always go back out again. This might be easier said than done.”

ISR invites you to participate in our GOING HOME Blog to share experiences and concerns, ask questions and offer advice on this very important topic.

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60 Responses to Going Home to Stay

Learning about reverse culture shock going home is just as important as learning about culture shock on the way over. There is a process in becoming bi-cultural, which means being comfortable in more than one culture. Where I am from, San Francisco, is more open and innovative than any of the places I’ve lived in Europe, so my transition back won’t be as difficult as if I came from a rigid place in the US. There was plenty of racism, antisemitism, and basic fear of the other, that I will just miss my friends, and the architecture.

Whenever you go home to visit or for good, you need to know that people don’t care about your stories from abroad. If you keep telling them, you are perceived as a show-off. They aren’t bad people that’s just how it is. People want a relationship based on a shared experience. They don’t want to hear about your experience.
When people ask you “how was ________?” They are just being polite. So, be polite and give a one-sentence answer. If they want to know more, they will ask. You will realize quickly that most don’t want to know more. Just keep it to yourself and your overseas friends.

I’ve been in Asia 7 years, two countries, two schools. Solid background. Oddly, the only offer I ended up getting (granted, I set my sights high, but that’s where I’m at) was from a private school (IB even) back in the USA. It will be weird going back, especially to a region I have never visited (The South). I suppose I’m looking forward to it, the job itself is very attractive, but still I have vague feelings of trepidation…

Expat communities already exist: Bali, Hua Hin, Hanoi, Saigon… We have friends who have retired to an artists’ community in Mexico and are involved in building homes for the very poor. Can’t remember the name of the town – will post later! In Hua Hin you can volunteer to teach English, be involved in Fair Trade. I agree with the comments to find a place where you’re comfortable and go there. I would add it’s important for us as teachers to feel we can still contribute and make a difference when we retire!

I went home to the US last summer after having taught in Asia for a few years. I was hoping to live on my savings for a while, do some stained glass, and try to assimilate before finding a full time teaching job. Soon enough, I applied for the exact position I’d left–the woman who’d taken it had quit, and I wasn’t even granted an interview though I’d left in great standing after many years of service (and abuse under NCLB–5 schools per day, K-12 ESL–“drive by teachings”) in that school system. NC pay, for 18 years experience, by the way, is a whopping 41,000. Very frustrating.

I’m in my mid-fifties now, and found it difficult to be home for all the reasons mentioned by others here. Running out of money, I applied for everything from teaching, to autistic group homes, to grocery stores, and to no avail. I knew the economy was bad, but this was ridiculous.

It was nice having the time at home to connect with family and friends, but again, it’s hard when you feel you can’t share your experiences abroad without sounding threatening to some people. They tend to perceive us as telling our two students to call in sick for a week so we can go to Bali. The reality is that if you don’t get out of Mongolia for a cheap trip to Bali over spring break you’ll commit suicide!

I was fortunate to find another international job in January. I miss family and friends but wonder if there’s a place for me anywhere at this point. The best you can do is try to brighten wherever you are with broad-minded compassion and caring.

At least one can speak openly of their travels while in an international school setting. I still love the idea of an expat retirement commune someplace!

yeah it’s a bit screwed in the states at the moment isn’t it… a texan colleague of mine was telling me the other day she and her foreign husband are trying to decide where to retire, and they feel the USA is too dear to retire in!

well mostly – though Australia is in better shape than most. I worked in the UK for a while and there is no way I would return there. A colleague in my last international post returned there to work and it took him ages to get a job despite being young, cheap and very well qualified. I am astounded though to still get emails encouraging me to do supply (casual teaching) teaching in London, i know they still recruit in Aus too, when all my teacher friends tell me there is no supply work, it is impossible etc etc – so irresponsible of them!

One cannot return to the USA if you are over 50-60 as they do not hire older/experienced teachers with great experience and credentials…you do not get an interview or if you do you are not a match. So enjoy the life abroad and keep saving the money. I did my time in the US and have the pensions as if that will go very far. …so I am really open to where to land for the last years of my work. My children will most likely move from where they are now so I cannot move to be near the grandkids. I have come to the decision of picking a place I like and they can fly to me for the holidays. I need good medical care which is not within the price range in the US anymore. I am very healthy and my mother is alive and well at 95. I cannot imagine having enough retirement funds for 30 years!!

It is refreshing to read all of the above. Myself and my fiance returned to Canada this year from Cairo. He was out for 3 years and myself for 1 (but young-ins). We came back for my job which is a permanent job in teaching with lovely benefits and a pension. My friends prior were a strong support base but now coming back, I feel like I don’t fit at all. They have zero interest in the experiences or stories, and are still talking about the same things from before we left. To be honest, it makes me wonder about the nature of friendships and how they sustain.

Eight months in, my fiance has not found teaching work (we are in strike action publicly) and I am back to being overworked and bored. I find myself checking out the postings and trying to see if we can go abroad again. But…the fear is retirement, as we haven’t figured out how to retire aboard.

“Lovely Benefits and a pension” says it all. For a 10 year teacher in Canada or Australia, pay is around $83,000 to $105,000 a year plus benefits.

I had to make a similar decision and after much thought I came to realize that one of the features I enjoyed most while abroad was the ability to travel. Work is just work. International schools can work you to the bone just as much as a public school. Where the school is geographically situated is irrelevant. After teaching overseas for many years I came to realize that I had to start to take care of myself financially first because the International School system certainly would not. Public Schools in Toronto, Sydney, Vancouver or Melbourne are far more multicultural than any International School I ever worked in anyway. The teachers in Public Schools are the same teachers that you find Internationally. It just takes a little more time to get to know them.

My solution. Make my life “international”. I now travel four times a year from Australia while working in the public school system. I can afford it due to the excellent pay. Teach your students with an international perspective – they do appreciate it. Save to purchase your dream home in the country of your desire (don’t think your public school location is your “home” anymore than you would if you were in Gabon or Guatemala). Start to think that the planet Earth is your home and everything is much easier to deal with. The source of much of my frustration when I first returned was my expectations. Once I changed that to a global view, it was like I just got a new job with a heck of a lot more money and union protection to boot.

Term two holidays I am off to Indonesia. Term three I am off to the Philippines. Term four Xmas holidays I am off to North America via Taiwan. for most of my kids in my “public school” classroom, English is not their home language. So each day I am in an international school so to speak. Avoid the $35,000 car loan, avoid the $450,000 mortgage, avoid the 100 channel cable TV package, avoid the expensive trappings of consumerism and live simply. In other words, take what you have learned while you lived overseas, and apply that to your new life in a country that pays well but still live “internationally” – Does that make sense?

Actually – it does. We haven’t been traveling this year, not until the summer anyway, and so it is making it hard. My school is in Vancouver, so it is quite diverse and I realize now that I may be lucky in that aspect.

I have to ask – what is the environment like for teachers in Australia – we are having a hell of a time with the government which is also why teaching is becoming increasingly more exhausting – trying to strip our contract and increase class sizes which are already at 30. For me, this increases the allure of international schools, but they may be backward.

Yeah – same old stuff in Australia as in Canada. My Principal is always on my case for Unit Plans and more and more paperwork. I make it a point to stay at my school everyday until 5:30PM and get as much planning and paperwork done as possible. During the school day I am as efficient as possible, then I go home and leave everything behind at school. It is all about Life/Work balance. It would be very hard for a Principal to begin termination procedures for not working evenings and weekends. That in my mind is a workload issue. I have yet to meet a teacher who has been fired because he was too busy teaching to be able to get some obscure paperwork done.

A two bedroom unit in South Australia costs around $200-$375,000 whereas as 6 bedroom mansion in the Philippines costs around $250,000 with a swimming pool. I know which one I would choose. Australia is overpriced for many reasons.

That said, I can rent a 3 bedroom house in Adelaide for around $1200 a month. That same house to purchase would be around $350,000 or $3,200 a month mortgage. For me, it is wise to rent and bank the difference.

I think you are right – it is about balance. I think I got a taste of teaching international and would like to continue…but in such a way that I am wise about retirement and money. I am kinda sick of getting to a point in pay, then losing half of it by going out on whim. Thanks for the insight

Very well put Dave – I love your perspective!!!
Just wondering where you taught OS and where in Oz?
I’m about to go home (semi-permanently) after being a teaching head of Primary for 3.5 years and have emailed a school that I worked for back in 2009, but haven’t heard back from them.
Any suggestions?

I worked in reputable international schools in the Sudan, UK, Japan, China, the USA as well as Ontario. I am now permanent at a public school in South Australia.

My years overseas were credited for salary grid purposes. Unfortunately it is true that time teaching overseas is seen as “not real teaching” by provincial minded colleagues. My pay went from $39,000 to $105,000

Why would I continue to be underpaid and end up with no pension in the International school non-system?

Howdy,
Another Texan here. I’ve been abroad for 6 years and the only place that’s ever felt like home is Hong Kong. Everyone there is from some place else. I come from an immigrant family so it felt right there. I’m about to get a masters degree with a specialisation in IB (PYP). Next year I’ll move to Austin, Texas to be with my girlfriend. I’m really excited about that and trying out Austin, but I’m terrified about job prospects. The whole world vs the 2 bilingual PYP schools in Austin? I know no one cares about my life abroad so I’m thinking more techincal things (police reports good idea!). Thanks kindly.

My son is now 4. I want him to have a decent education and have the benefits like I did growing up in a diverse cosmopolitan environment. I too long for returning to “the west” after 10 years working in schools in developing nations serving the interests of the rich and shameless. I wonder about reintegrating and wish I was Australian or Canadian. The USA seems like a nightmare culturally, economically, etc. I miss folks but my main issue is having to deal with “foreign values” . I don’t fit in anywhere. When I am here I want to be home and when I am home I want to be here.

In my experience, what you are describing is common to expats. I’m in my mid-50s now and have been overseas for six years. This time. After university, when I was in my early 20s, I moved to Europe (from the U.S.). After several years, I was anxious to return “home” only to find I didn’t really have one anymore. Like others have mentioned, no one wanted to hear my stories. Instead of being impressed with my proven flexibility, tolerance, open-mindedness, linguistic ability, etc., prospective employers were threatened by it. I was frequently challenged with the “why would you want to leave the greatest place on earth” mentality. I was miserable. Within six months, I was trying to go back overseas. For lots of reasons, it wasn’t in the cards until six years ago when I was able to go overseas as a teacher. I can’t imagine ever living in the U.S. again for the reasons you mentioned and more. The only place I can imagine living would be New York City, but I wouldn’t be able to afford it as a retiree. So I’m looking at retiring overseas.

Reverse culture shock is painful and sometimes more difficult to overcome as pointed out by many here. AP Teacher’s point about prospective employers feeling “threatened” and people questioning why you would ever want to leave your country is spot on. I heard the same thing when home in the U.S. early on in my international teaching career, sadly from people who were younger or my age at that time – people I would have perceived as more ‘adventurous’ or open-minded.

There is a current op-ed piece in the NY Times entitled “The Go-Nowhere Generation.” It was a very good read about how recent college grads or those in their 20s are holding out for years to find the perfect job or how they will only take a job in their town or area. They are unwilling to take the risks to move overseas, or to go where the jobs are located.

I love to return home each summer, and I feel a strong sense of pride in my country when I visit things like national parks. However, there is no way I would be able to return to my small town to live, and I doubt I would be able to teach in the public school system. I have been spoiled! I would have to move to an urban area that has a diverse population. I learned a long time ago, like many have said, to not talk about my experiences for more than 30 seconds. Eyes begins to glaze over. Some are envious, some are jealous, and many Americans believe that news or world events end at the U.S. border. Just watch what they call ‘news’ on the major networks. It’s fluff. We live in an anti-intellectual society where more people care about who won on American Idol.

Sounds like we have very similar experiences, Map. I, too, am from a small town, and I would never go back. I left right after high school graduation and except for visits to see family, I avoid the place with a fervor.

Your comments on the geo-centrism of most Americans is on target. If it doesn’t happen there, it doesn’t happen. As far as being an anti-intellectual society, I think you were a little kind there. It’s not just the obsession with popular culture, it’s the hostility towards academics and intellectuals that keeps me away.

I find it ironic that I’m more accepted as a “smart woman” here in the MIddle East than I was anywhere in the U.S.

Hi, Elayne,
I’m not so sure it has to be in jest. I think we could get something started here . . . expat teacher retirement community. Wouldn’t only have to be ex-pat teachers. We could include other ex-pats. But the idea of being with people who understand you and want to hear your stories, that is so very appealing!

Hi Suze
I really liked your idea about forming an expat teacher retirement commune in a cheap developing nation, said in jest I know but I could really relate to that. I’m getting near retirement age and having spent the last 14 years in SE Asia I just don’t know where I’llb eable to ‘fit in’.

Hi Elayne,
I´m still not so close to retirement but i would be delighted to join an expat teacher retirement commune somewhere in Africa… I could really relate to that too, having worked as an international teacher for years!

First, “You can never go home.” It will never be the same way you left it, places or people, especially you. Why you? because you are a citizen of the world, not Johnson County, Texas. Your view is more open…You see your country from outside, and you are far more open in your understanding of other cultures. That’s basically it.
Now, I tried to live in my home country after being out for a number of years. I even worked in public schools. I really never transitioned because most people I came across, colleagues, friends etc lived in their own tiny little world and did not want to hear/see anything that would change their lives.
No, I am not bitter, just realistic, and still enjoying myself. I do go back for short visits, but I will continue this life until…even in retirement.

Hi Ben, A fellow Texan here. I’ve tried to move back home three different times now…it just doesn’t “take”. You might be welcomed with open arms for a visit–wait till you go back to live. (and by the way, I found a loophole in the TRS that allowed me to buy a bunch of my overseas years–*if* your schools got US State Dept. money) I agree with all the above posters who say, “keep your mouth shut and blend in”. NO ONE wants to know about the time you camped overernight on the Great Wall, or how you broke your leg falling off a temple in Siem Reap. (or if they feign polite interest, you can say that one sentence and then quickly switch to “more interesting” topics such as a football score, which weedkiller works best on the lawn, etc.) I had bought a home there for retirement, but now I’m rethinking–what makes me think it will suddenly become more interesting for me after I retire? Maybe we should all form an expat teacher retirement commune in a cheap, developing nation? At least we’d enjoy listening to each others’ stories! : )

That is a great idea — an expat teacher retirement community. It’s exactly what I’ve been looking for — a community of like-minded, smart, world-view people to live with! Where can we do this? Sign me up!!!

I’m disappointed for those of you who have family and friends that care little to nothing about your life abroad (whether you’ve gone back home to stay or just go back for periodic visits). I suppose I hadn’t realized how extraordinarily blessed I’ve been in that regard. Not only am I always welcomed with open arms when I’m back in Texas, but I get e-mails asking if, “everything is all right” if I’m late getting out my monthly newsletter. My best wishes to all of you facing readjustment (as I know I must do eventually) on your repatriation. That process can be tough enough already (I’ve gone through it before) without having love and support, so I sincerely wish you an abundance of these things!!

I agree with Jerry, don’t boast about your fantastic life overseas to everyone unless they ask you and want to know more. I am living overseas and don’t intend to return back home to live anytime soon. I do go back during the holidays to visit friends and family during my breaks so I do not feel so homesick. You’ve made the choice to work overseas, so ofcourse everyone will move on with their own lives.

Going back to Australia after 12 years abroad was more than I expected. First and foremost, I didn’t realize just how underpaid I was when I worked for International schools. My pay tripled upon my return to Australia. Financially, twelve years working for “for-profit” private international schools was a disaster. Some things I encountered upon my return were:

– No pension contributions was the major drawback.
– Banks here wondered why I had no history.
– Phone company refused me a mobile phone plan due to lack of verifiable local bank statements.
– Utility company wanted a huge deposit
– Car Insurance was high due to not having a “history”.
– Local credit card denied due to no credit history.

All the above is solvable but it takes time to re-establish yourself. I highly recommend any returnee to join your local “Teachers Credit Union” because they may have some understanding in this situation.

I did enjoy my time overseas but on a professional level, my experience internationally amounted to nothing. I found that my career was hindered when I applied for positions locally because I didn’t “put my time in” here. As previously noted by other posters – most people I met did not care about my international teaching experience. If anything, it was seen as second rate.

Remember to get a Police Clearance Certificate from EVERY country you lived and taught in before you leave as well as a “Statement of Service” that clearly outlines your teaching responsibilities and workload. Otherwise, you may have difficulty with local bureaucrats getting re-licensed and cleared to teach with kids again (requirements vary on your country of return).

Avoid making comparisons – NOBODY cares. Just take a crash course on local events (sports, clubs) and immerse yourself into the local culture. Look at it just like any new country you are visiting as in many ways, there is a lot of truth to this. You are essentially an immigrant to your own country. Shut up, drink the local brew, cheer the local team and just blend in. It’s much easier – believe me! Your story of being arrested by the Chinese Military while jogging along side what you thought was a public park is no where near as interesting as the local gossip.

Lastly, while I may have considered myself to be an adventurous teacher with incredible experiences, others considered my resume to be a “checkered past”. Six schools in twelve years internationally is not unusual. Six schools in twelve years in a local school district on the other hand would ring alarm bells. So when asked why I was all over the place – I would simply point out that I wanted to see the world.

I can relate….I thought that having overseas experience would enhance my ability to get a job in the states. NOT SO. Most people have no idea what international teaching / schools are all about. I found that I had to educate them during interviews. They just have no clue. I still am glad that I went overseas to teach.

True, anon! I still feel like the word is getting out that international schools exist and there are more new teachers who are willing to take a risk and leave their country during these poor economic times. However, it’s still a big leap for many. Even if people go overseas for two years and return home, they will never forget those experiences – good or bad – and they can hopefully break false stereotypes many have at home about the countries or regions where many of us teach.

Dave made many good points too about documents to cllect before moving home or on to another country. Thanks for taking the time to share.

I came home at the right time. I’d had enough of working in a foreign environment with foreign values etc. Due to this, I slipped back into Australian society like a seal into water; couldn’t be happier. People ask me about my adventures, but to be fair, I’m more interested in what they’ve been doing in their everyday lives. I guess I’ve missed having a ‘normal’ life and enjoy their stories. It’s good to be home.

Going home was not really as great as I thought it would be. I am still somewhat of an outcast almost 2 years later… I maybe leaving my home country again – once I finish my PhD, but this time if I go, it will be for good.

No one seems to care about the experiences, I have been ‘told off’ by some who really don’t like it. (Even reprimanded officially).

I have gone from a culture where being somewhat academic is considered pretty cool, to my home country where academically minded people are pretty much ‘freaks’. I find that I am still quite lonely back ‘home’, 2 years on.

I have been back home for almost two years now too and I don t feel like I belong. I had a hard time and still having a hard time finding work. Most people I encounter think nothing of going abroad especially to the Middle east. I find myself quite bored at times and I miss the adventurous lifestyle. I find the people around me so close minded. The routine is really getting to me… I feel restless. I have applied to go abroad again and I also applied to go back to school in a new branch. I cannot do another year like this…. with no purpose… no goal… no travel..

It’s strange to think that you are contemplating leaving when I’ve been asked several times of recent about immigrating to Aus (like I work for the Immigration Dept!!) I can imagine getting into Academia would be hard in Aus – there just isn’t the large market. Is that the case? I don’t think I could live in QLD again (it was a while ago I lived there) I am hoping things will be better in Melbourne.

I just had my sister visit who has been living in Asian country for 12 years and married one of the locals. Now she is going home to an uncertain future. She’s not sure of the job market, getting her hubby a job, having to live with our parents for a couple months before being able to get a lease for a flat, getting medicare cards (health care card) etc etc…. she’s optimistic but realistic about it all. Hearing her talk about it made me re-think my plan to go home in a couple years…

I don’t share stories unless asked when I go home. I don’t want to be the full-of-themselves world traveler. If my friends are interested that’s fine if they aren’t then that’s fine too.
I only go home to see family and friends once a year, my home country is stale, bland and uninteresting to me now unfortunately.

me too jerry…I left my home country five years ago and today, I dont miss anything about it except my friends and family but they do what they do daily as I do what I do daily. I have come to terms with I am a traveler, teacher, artist and my “home” is the world not one place.

I tried to go home three different times and each time the connection was less and I missed the larger and much more interesting international world. Getting ready to finish my teaching career now but not going back to Vermont but to East Java, Indonesia!

I left my home country 9 years ago to do a 1 year teaching stint and am still loving the experience of being an educator helping to make a positive difference to learning world wide.In the past 9 years, I have lived and worked in Europe, Asia, Middle East and am looking forward to Africa and South America. Home is where ever I happen to be – my family and friends understand my passion for learning about different cultures and people and get to share some of these experiences at various times when they come visit.