How to Be the Life of the Party—Even When You're Feeling Socially Awkward

Some people have it easy—they swan around parties, sprinkling bits of their personality onto people who can't help but fall for them, whether it's as a friend or something more. If you're more of the awkward type, it can seem like social butterflies learned a lesson in grade school and you were out sick that day. No need to worry! These solutions for awkward party situations will have you spreading your social wings in no time.

The Situation: You Don't Know Anyone
"The thing that separates social butterflies from other people is their energy," says Morgan Evans, production coordinator at Eventique. "They have this carefree, approachable spirit that's just contagious. People are drawn to them because of it." So if you're feeling shy because you don't know a single person at the party—maybe the person who invited you hasn't arrived yet, or you only know the hostess, who barely counts because she's totally swamped—immerse yourself in your surroundings. Although relying on your phone may seem like a no-brainer, it actually gives off a standoffish vibe. "When we plan events, we see it as creating a moment for guests that they'll hopefully remember years down the line," says Evans. "You can't fully experience it if you aren't present in the moment, especially if you're on your phone to dispel any awkwardness." So tuck anything distracting away, and look around for someone you want to talk to.

The Situation: You're Not Sure How to Make the Approach
So you've found someone who looks intriguing, whether it's two girls having fun at the bar, a new coworker, or a dapper-looking gentleman. But how do you actually strike up a conversation? "Zero in on your likely candidate, and walk right up to them," says Anna Post, etiquette expert and co-author of Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th Edition. "Not too fast, but if you hang back too much, everyone gets unsure of what you're waiting for." Make eye contact with people, smile, and wait for them to finish their thought. "As soon as they do, that's when you make an introduction that prompts them to also introduce themselves," says Post. "If it were a new coworker for example, you could say, 'Hi, I'm Jane. I think I've seen you around.'" The key here is striking the right balance between barging into someone's conversation and approaching him or her so reticently that he or she just becomes confused.

The Situation: You Need to Abort an Awkward Conversation
What happens if you're cornered by your friend's sloshed former college roommate? This kind of delicate situation requires a mix of body language, good timing, and kindness. "If a conversation is going on forever, when the person draws breath, use your body language to start disengaging," says Post. You can step back, nod your head, and start turning away a bit. Then say something like, "I'm so sorry, it's been great chatting, but if you'll excuse me." It's tempting to come up with some excuse about why you need to go, like that you need to use the restroom or get another drink. Do your best to resist the urge! "Sometimes people will say, 'Oh, me, too!' then follow you right to the bathroom or bar to keep chatting away," says Post. Of course, if you do actually need to leave the conversation for a purpose, you can say that. Just make sure it's true. Above all, Post says, be nice about it.

The Situation: You're Terrible at Introductions
It should be so easy to introduce one person to another, but in reality, there are countless ways to mess it up. Here's the right way to do it: "Boss Lady, this is my boyfriend Matt. Matt works over at XYZ Law Firm in such-and-such department. He also loves to fish, and I know you just went on a fishing trip." This accomplishes two important things: You're talking to the person you'd most like to honor first (your boss, rather than your boyfriend), and you're adding thoughtful details that will help the two people connect more easily.

The Situation: You Do Something Totally Embarrassing
Whether you spill your drink or trip and fall in front of everyone, your best bet is to laugh it off. Remember what Evans said about social butterflies having a carefree energy? There's no better time to exhibit that than when you want the floor to open up and swallow you whole. "If you can, just turn it into a joke," says Evans. And if someone else has embarrassed herself, Evans says it's only kind to try to distract the guests so everyone isn't gawking over someone else's mortification. Post is of the mindset that the only time anyone should ever actually be embarrassed is if she's being disrespectful, unkind, or inconsiderate. "Otherwise, doing something like getting food in your teeth or forgetting someone's name happens to all of us," she says. "Your reaction tells other people how to react, so if you smile, say 'whoops,' apologize if necessary, and move on, other people will, too."

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