Ladies, this is NOTHING compared to how it was then. I wish I could bump up some of those old threads... like the one where one of my dear poster-friends talked about a bank teller being racist to her... and white posters defended the banks, got personally offended because they work in banks, called her a liar and hounded her and anyone who defended her.... or some of the post-Katrina threads, or the one where Blacks were called "lazy" and "welfare bums", or the one where a white male poster defended his use of the n-word...

I know it sounds like I'm holding grudges. I'm not, or I don't think I am, since I can't actually remember who posted what - it's just something to note and be aware of when moving on.

Originally Posted by Amneris

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

Oh no, I agree with you so much here. I can "forget" disagreements and still be friendly with someone because some things are just not that big a deal. Racism, sexism, homophobia, and a few other subjects are a big deal though, and I DO NOT forget. I WILL hold it against you because I just can't think of you in any other way those things leave such a bad taste in my mouth.

I really don't get when people try to say that so-and-so is still a good person even if you "disagree" with them. Well, yeah, there are very few people in the world who are all bad, but that doesn't mean their good parts cancel out the bad ones.
And it honestly puzzles me a little when people I respect and/or like continue to engage with someone who has shown that ugly a part of themselves as if it's just any little old thing.

Ladies, this is NOTHING compared to how it was then. I wish I could bump up some of those old threads... like the one where one of my dear poster-friends talked about a bank teller being racist to her... and white posters defended the banks, got personally offended because they work in banks, called her a liar and hounded her and anyone who defended her.... or some of the post-Katrina threads, or the one where Blacks were called "lazy" and "welfare bums", or the one where a white male poster defended his use of the n-word...

I know it sounds like I'm holding grudges. I'm not, or I don't think I am, since I can't actually remember who posted what - it's just something to note and be aware of when moving on.

Originally Posted by Amneris

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

I don't forget what people say for the most part on here because I just have a habit of remembering things that people say.. but to keep holding on to something waiting for the day to use it against someone is ridiculous to me.

And that's where I don't get the big deal because to me.. yeah it's just the damn internet and it's not earth shattering serious. We don't really "know" eachother (except for a few that have opted to meet offline) and nothing I say should really affect a person that damn bad considering they will probably never see me in life and if they did they'd have no clue it was me anyway. I don't agree with plenty that's said here and there are many members here that I know I wouldn't get along with in RL or even consider being friends with at all.. but on the net. It's not a big deal. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to throw some bs in their face over some past stuff that I thought was inappropriate, offensive, or stupid unless they try to come for me all wrong. If they treat me decently after we've hashed out whatever.. okay fine. I will keep chatting with them, joking with them, etc.

I just don't hold grudges like that.. I honestly don't. In real life and on the internet once I've hashed something out with a person. Sure.. I remember stuff and act accordingly..but I'm not worried about some stuff we hashed out. If we are cool..we are cool. But I can't stand the two faced-back stabbing high school skhit that goes on in situations like this.. if you gotta damn problem just say so. And I think a lot of folks are just as sneaky and slithery as damn snakes and remember stuff JUST so they can be snarky and start shkit with no justification.

I feel more or less like if you have an issue with someone..then hash it the hell out like a grown person don't sit there acting like all is well and then bam you toss out some stupid bs grudge stuff you've been just WAITING to say as soon as you can "catch" a person. GTFOWDBS.

Ladies, this is NOTHING compared to how it was then. I wish I could bump up some of those old threads... like the one where one of my dear poster-friends talked about a bank teller being racist to her... and white posters defended the banks, got personally offended because they work in banks, called her a liar and hounded her and anyone who defended her.... or some of the post-Katrina threads, or the one where Blacks were called "lazy" and "welfare bums", or the one where a white male poster defended his use of the n-word...

I know it sounds like I'm holding grudges. I'm not, or I don't think I am, since I can't actually remember who posted what - it's just something to note and be aware of when moving on.

Originally Posted by Amneris

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

Right on my sister lol. Like I said, most of us say let bygones be bygones. But when you continue on with the behavior that got you a side-eye in the first place, then don't be surprised when people pull your card with the 'remember when you said...'

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

I don't forget what people say for the most part on here because I just have a habit of remembering things that people say.. but to keep holding on to something waiting for the day to use it against someone is ridiculous to me.

And that's where I don't get the big deal because to me.. yeah it's just the damn internet and it's not earth shattering serious. We don't really "know" eachother (except for a few that have opted to meet offline) and nothing I say should really affect a person that damn bad considering they will probably never see me in life and if they did they'd have no clue it was me anyway. I don't agree with plenty that's said here and there are many members here that I know I wouldn't get along with in RL or even consider being friends with at all.. but on the net. It's not a big deal. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to throw some bs in their face over some past stuff that I thought was inappropriate, offensive, or stupid unless they try to come for me all wrong. If they treat me decently after we've hashed out whatever.. okay fine. I will keep chatting with them, joking with them, etc.

I just don't hold grudges like that.. I honestly don't. In real life and on the internet once I've hashed something out with a person. Sure.. I remember stuff and act accordingly..but I'm not worried about some stuff we hashed out. If we are cool..we are cool. But I can't stand the two faced-back stabbing high school skhit that goes on in situations like this.. if you gotta damn problem just say so. And I think a lot of folks are just as sneaky and slithery as damn snakes and remember stuff JUST so they can be snarky and start shkit with no justification.

I feel more or less like if you have an issue with someone..then hash it the hell out like a grown person don't sit there acting like all is well and then bam you toss out some stupid bs grudge stuff you've been just WAITING to say as soon as you can "catch" a person. GTFOWDBS.

Originally Posted by *Marah*

idk if you're just speaking generally (i know it's not about me lol), but i haven't really seen that around here. usually when i see ppl bring up something from the past, i assume it's b/c they just happened to remember it and applied it to the current situation (like me). that's partly why i've been holding my mule so much around her; b/c sometimes i see ppl directly contradict something theyve said in the past (whether it be something they said publicly or in my inbox), and i really don't feel like being accused of being some grudgful petty chick just b/c i happen to have a good memory. so i just sit here w/ my mule and watch all the f*ckery.

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

Right on my sister lol. Like I said, most of us say let bygones be bygones. But when you continue on with the behavior that got you a side-eye in the first place, then don't be surprised when people pull your card with the 'remember when you said...'

Originally Posted by cheveuxbouclés

I do forget a lot of the disagreements I have with other members. Just because I have an isht memory lol. The main ways I'll remember that we were once on opposite sides of the fence is if we usually agree (cuz it probably surprised me that we were disagreeing) OR if you let your stank attitude from a discussion in Ye Olden Times color every single discussion we have from then til now (cuz those folks just won't let you forget. sheesh).

Anyone else I remember must have been one of the isms that Saria mentioned earlier (racist, sexist, homophobic). Those things stick with me.

The bolded is how I feel. I want to know where I stand with people. On and offline. I don't like to be blindsided...If I know someone feels a certain way, I know to go into certain conversations with them with my guard up. I mean, I think we're having a light-hearted conversation and then BAM an -ism all in my face? lol No thank you ma'am. Let me know where you stand upfront.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

+1

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

I don't forget what people say for the most part on here because I just have a habit of remembering things that people say.. but to keep holding on to something waiting for the day to use it against someone is ridiculous to me.

And that's where I don't get the big deal because to me.. yeah it's just the damn internet and it's not earth shattering serious. We don't really "know" eachother (except for a few that have opted to meet offline) and nothing I say should really affect a person that damn bad considering they will probably never see me in life and if they did they'd have no clue it was me anyway. I don't agree with plenty that's said here and there are many members here that I know I wouldn't get along with in RL or even consider being friends with at all.. but on the net. It's not a big deal. I'm certainly not going to go out of my way to throw some bs in their face over some past stuff that I thought was inappropriate, offensive, or stupid unless they try to come for me all wrong. If they treat me decently after we've hashed out whatever.. okay fine. I will keep chatting with them, joking with them, etc.

I just don't hold grudges like that.. I honestly don't. In real life and on the internet once I've hashed something out with a person. Sure.. I remember stuff and act accordingly..but I'm not worried about some stuff we hashed out. If we are cool..we are cool. But I can't stand the two faced-back stabbing high school skhit that goes on in situations like this.. if you gotta damn problem just say so. And I think a lot of folks are just as sneaky and slithery as damn snakes and remember stuff JUST so they can be snarky and start shkit with no justification.

I feel more or less like if you have an issue with someone..then hash it the hell out like a grown person don't sit there acting like all is well and then bam you toss out some stupid bs grudge stuff you've been just WAITING to say as soon as you can "catch" a person. GTFOWDBS.

Originally Posted by *Marah*

Exactly.
I remember what you say, only as a means of governing how I interact with you.

Next time my mama asks me "soooo are you graduating?", I might break down and cry over the phone. Because...Idunno mayne. I can't get anything done. I feel like isht most days. I don't want to consider medical leave but...if it's that versus finishing my last semester with straight Ds...that's a no brainer, I think.

So no one on here has ever pm'ed a poster expressing hurt for something they said on the public board (and I am not referring to racist or sexist, or overall just terrible things)? I know for a fact that not everyone can say that (and no I am not talking about the obvious poster that is not even in here). Sorry, I'm calling bs. I wish I could post PMs.

and i never get why ppl act like it's abnormal for someone to remember what a poster said in the past. it seems like having a good memory is only a bad thing on message boards. if you said or did something in the recent past that is in line w/ you current behavior, or has an effect on how i view and interact with you font now, i'm going to bring it up. idk why ppl like waving off things that they said/did like a few weeks ago like it happened several years ago and it's irrelevant.

and i don't buy for a minute that ppl just completely wipe the slate clean w/ every new interaction they have w/ ppl on the board. it's not possible and it doesn't make any sense to do so. if i think a poster tends to read too deeply into my posts/ takes my jokes seriously, i just don't direct those kinds of posts to them. or if i know a poster likes to debate even the most frivolous of subjects, i just wont engage them if i'm not in the mood. there are some topics that i don't even participate in b/c i already know which side most of you will fall on, and for some of you i can guess (correctly) exactly how you will respond to certain things and what you will say. i don't see how you can possibly interact w/ ppl w/o developing some kind of perception (not harboring a grudge, not making in depth analyses about their real lives) of them. i don't know why anyone would WANT to do that. and really, half the time, the ppl who claim this will at some point end up reaching back a few months for some quote that will prove their point against whoever their talking to.

i'm rambling now, so i'll stop.

Originally Posted by Keenylicious

Right on my sister lol. Like I said, most of us say let bygones be bygones. But when you continue on with the behavior that got you a side-eye in the first place, then don't be surprised when people pull your card with the 'remember when you said...'

Originally Posted by cheveuxbouclés

I do forget a lot of the disagreements I have with other members. Just because I have an isht memory lol. The main ways I'll remember that we were once on opposite sides of the fence is if we usually agree (cuz it probably surprised me that we were disagreeing) OR if you let your stank attitude from a discussion in Ye Olden Times color every single discussion we have from then til now (cuz those folks just won't let you forget. sheesh).

Anyone else I remember must have been one of the isms that Saria mentioned earlier (racist, sexist, homophobic). Those things stick with me.

Originally Posted by AmberBrown

I don't remember every single debate/e-argument I got into here--- but I will remember if you got disrespectful/condescending/kept on antagonizing.

I also recognize that we are humans and sometimes we say something off the cuff that may not necessarily reflect us in general. I know I am in a bad mood sometimes and I refrain from typing because I know I will sound like a grade A c*nt. With that being said, some people know EXACTLY what they are saying or doing when they start some ish up. And while I may give you a pass the first time or two, I will still keep in mind that you like to start sh*t.

I think the bigger issue for me here is that there is no consistency on who and what gets called out by moderators. I just think that a lot of the "scolding" is geared towards certain folks and I can't get down with that.