The Best Valentine's Day Gift and Date Ideas

What She Really Wants on Valentine's Day

Know this before you buy her heart-shaped chocolates yet again

By Amy Rushlow

Charles Xavier was probably a big hit with the ladies at Valentine’s Day. You, however, don’t have the gene mutation for mind reading. And forget simply asking her what she wants. “Women are under the impression that if they have to ask for it then it doesn’t count,” says relationship psychologist Karen Sherman, Ph.D. “Women are kind of funny that way.” (If by “funny” you mean “as nonsensical as a Japanese game show.”)

The first thing to know when picking a perfect Valentine’s Day gift: The rules of every other holiday—buy her something she likes, that she won’t get for herself, that’s on her Amazon wish list—do not apply on February 14.

Here are gifts sure to wow her whether you’ve been dating for 1 month, 1 year, or 10 years going on 100.

If you’ve only been on a few dates

Candy may be conventional, but that’s OK if you don’t know each other well—going overboard too soon will only make you seem needy, Feinstein warns. Just make sure to give her a type she’ll like. Here’s how: Next time you’re together, say you need to pop into the drugstore to pick up contact solution. While you’re at the register, offer to buy her a candy bar. Make note of what she grabs. Does she pick milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or something with peanut butter? On Valentine’s Day, give a gourmet version of whatever she chose.

If you’re dating but you don’t see it going anywhere

You need to give her something, or else she’ll be offended. “A small package of candy—like a box of four truffles—acknowledges that it’s Valentine’s Day, but it’s noncommittal,” Feinstein says. “She’ll get the hint.”

If you’ve been together 6 months

You might be tempted to buy her lingerie at this super-hot stage, but that’s a major faux pas—no matter how good she’ll look in it, it’ll seem selfish. Instead, pop for a dozen champagne-colored roses. “They’re sexy and romantic at the same time,” Feinstein says.

If you’ve been together a year

Give her a pink, plush robe, and tell her “this way you’ll always feel me around you.” “It’s a comforting, emotional thing, not a sexual thing,” Feinstein explains. A suggestion from our Valentine’s Day Gift Guide: The Betsey Johnson Printed Terry Robe has “Always Kiss Me Goodnight” on the back, and its short length avoids a frumpy mom-robe look. Pair it with a dozen red roses, which signify love and romance.

If you’re getting serious

Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse for a spontaneous couple’s getaway. You don’t have to spend 14 days in Santorini—just get out of your apartment for a long weekend full of steamy hotel sex. Head to a local ski resort, go horseback riding, or find a cheap last-minute plane fare anywhere warm.

Can’t afford a trip? Rent a pair of skates at your local ice rink. “If you can’t skate, that’s even better,” Feinstein says. “Ice skating is one of the most romantic things you can do if you can’t skate, because you have to hold hands to stay up, and if you fall down, it’s funny.”

If you’re newlyweds

You’ve probably done it all at this point—the flowers, the chocolate, the romantic dates. Do the opposite and make something with your own hands, like a cake or a heart-shaped pizza. She won’t care if it doesn’t turn out well—she’ll be touched that you tried and put your time into the gift.

If you’re married

It’s easy to take each other for granted when you see each other every day, so your charge is to remind her of how much she really means to you. In the middle of the night, get up and stick Post-It notes with sweet sayings everywhere she goes in the morning—like the bathroom mirror, the coffee machine, and inside her makeup bag. She’ll realize just how well you know her routine, Sherman says, and she’ll take it as a sign of your attentiveness. (Read: Free pass next time you forget to pick up laundry detergent from the grocery store.)

Another idea from Sherman: Bring home one rose, which is “a lot sexier than a dozen roses,” accompanied by a thoughtful love note. “Most women are major saps for something written beautifully.” Can’t put it into words? “Find a serious card and say, ‘I’m not a writer, but this says everything that’s in my heart.’”