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Monthly Archives: January 2016

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But I really want to sign him up for The Bachelor. Due to various circumstances (very few places in our house with a working AC, injuries and colds that keep us to low key nights, etc.) Ryan has been forced to watch more episodes of Beautiful Ben’s bachelor season than any other season. And he is horrified. The entire concept weirds him out so much that I would love to watch an episode of him in one of those group date situations.

And then go kill the bachelorette for taking him out on a date, of course.

Conflicting feelings tonight… Homesick for the east coast after seeing all the snowpocalypse 2016 pictures and feeling happy to be home as I watch the sun set in Waikiki #staysafemysnowcoveredfriends (at Waikiki Beach , Honolulu , HAWAI)

WASHINGTON—Speaking to reporters as he ran a tattered extension cord along the House of Representatives rostrum this afternoon, Vice President Joe Biden confirmed that he had arrived early in order to set up a fog machine for tonight’s State of the Union address. “This baby kicks out the fog like you wouldn’t believe, but you gotta give her plenty of time to warm up if you want the whole room to fill up real thick,” said Biden while carefully mixing water and glycerin according to his own homemade “fog juice” recipe, which he explained he’d been using since his brief stint as a roadie on White Lion’s Pride tour in 1987. “I wanted to do this thing up right with a whole laser rig and shit, but that would’ve set me back mucho dinero. But don’t you worry; Uncle Joe knows a few tricks with strobes that’ll get the crowd going.” At press time, Biden was reportedly double-checking the timers on a set of flash pots in order to avoid another congressional aide losing their fingers in a pyrotechnic mishap.

I’m going to miss these so much next year. Nearly the end of a hell of an era, y’all.

Does this say more about me or Mr. VP that I missed that the source was The Onion at first and legit thought this was real.

Also, in case you couldn’t tell… Since I missed the State of the Union due to busy season work hours, I’m catching up using the best source I know… Tumblr.