Not that I’m suggesting that I am one, at all, at all. Anyway: two suggestions (one serious, one not-so-serious).

(Serious): If you’re worried whether a particular incision and/or suture (that looks bloody awful, or at least it does to your untrained eye) is healing properly, or whether it’s getting worse, take a picture* of it and check it several hours later, or the next day. That should let you tell ‘it’s getting worse’ from the ‘no, that was pretty much how it looked all along.’

(Not-so-serious): If you’re going to have surgery that results in bruising, try to get the phlebotomist to muck up your IV so that you’ll get a bruise on your arm, too. That way, when you wake up to discover that the Bruise Fairy has come to your bedside in order to give you a present, you’ll have a handy (pardon the pun) baseline with which to compare the results – and not incidentally, keep you from panicking.