You'll know this is for you if you're reading it. You'll know immediately or part way through. Either way, you'll know if this is for you... assuming you ever do read it.

I'm sorry. I will never be able to say that enough. No matter what you tell me, I will always be sorry.

I'm sorry I wasn't better.I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I wasn't able to control my feelings. I'm sorry for the things I said.I'm sorry for the things I didn't say. I'm sorry for the way I treated you.

You will always deserve better than me.

I'm a broken and damaged china doll. I may try to cover the cracks and the missing pieces, but they are still there. The darkness still creeps in. The demons use me as a play ground. I'll never be a whole person because so many have taken so much. And that's not fair to you.

And I hate myself even now, because I don't know how to fix myself. I covered and patched up what I could for you, so you wouldn't have to see the mess i truly am... but it always shows. It's only a matter of time. I tried to be what you wanted and needed, because I wanted and needed you.

But there lies my downfall. No one needs me. Few ever want me. They catch the glimpses of crazy inside of me and run. Which they should. Everyone should. I'm a time bomb waiting to go off, and it's only a matter of time. And anyone near me gets blasted away. In the most destructive of ways.

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry that I let you get close to me because I know I always hurt those people. I shouldn't have let you in, for your own safety. But I'm selfish. And again, I'm sorry.

So, here's what will happen, so I don't hurt you anymore.

I've removed myself from your life and your light. No more Facebook. I deleted you.No more texting. I erased your number.No more dancing. I can't let myself be drawn to you.

I will put myself back in my box. And I know that's not what you would want, but it's what you need. You told me you are stubborn to a fault. That you always try to make it work. You didn't with me, and, in a twisted way, I'm glad you did. You shouldn't be mixed up with me. You don't deserve to be in my blast zone. But, just to make sure you aren't caught in the crossfire again, I'm disappearing from your life. It's all I can give to you know.

This is my parting gift.My promise.My effort to try to correct all of the wrong that I've done to you recently.

I hope you and her find happiness. You heal each other and continue to be the wonderful people you are. If nothing else, I can say I helped push you in the direction you needed to go. I catapulted you into the arms of another, because, as fate might have it, that's where you both belong.

I wish you every happiness. I always will. And you will always have a place in my heart. I didn't lie when I said you were my everything. I didn't lie when I said I loved you. Those were the painful truths. And I think they always will be.

And with that, my love, my adored, I will tell you good night, goodbye...

Love Always,​Me

May you find solace in the gentle arms of sleepDespite the wolves outside your doorIn time you will see them all as harmlessAnd their idle threats easy to ignoreAnd if ever fate should choose to smite youStand your ground, never walk awayPlease don't ever let the world defeat youDon't get buried in its decayAs you drift into the gauzy realm of dreamsMay you take comfort in the thought that you are safeFor it only takes a fraction of a secondFor all of this to change

Return to meWhen slumber's fog has liftedReturn to meStronger than beforeAs you sink beneath the soothing streams of timeMay you be thankful that you had another dayFor there comes a time when each of us will enterA sleep from which we will never wakeAnd if ever fate should choose to smite youStand your ground, never walk awayPlease don't ever let the world defeat youDon't get buried in its decayClose your eyes now, if only for a momentFor it's time you get some restThe wolves are gone and nothing here can harm youLet go of your fragile consciousness

Return to meWhen slumber's fog has liftedReturn to meStronger than before

Maniac Mom

My name is Kristen and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. This is my hysterical journey as a mom of two dealing with life twists and turns while trying to not let my "crazy" get too out of hand. I strive to be a happily depressed mom.Grab a cup of coffee or a shot of vodka and bask in the mania!