Slow Your Role – successful dom/sub relationship

Hey everyone, Poppie here and I would like to share my thoughts on creating a successful dom/sub relationship.

Photo by Dhruv Patel

We keep getting questions about how to get into a dom/sub or DD/BG relationships. The comments continue, with things like, “I know that I need a dom.” or “I am only happy in dom/sub relationships.” Unfortunately we are also getting a lot of, “I have a daddy but he isn’t being truthful…” or “Things are great with my dom when he needs something, but he ignores me most of the time.” Let me provide a basic outline of creating a successful dom/sub relationship.

develop a strong relationship based on basic relationship principles

experiment with games/role playing

discuss what you like and don’t like. Do more of what you like and less of what you don’t like

Successful dom/sub relationships start with a solid relationship

Only solid relationships lead to successful dom/sub relationships. Some of the basic tenants of a strong relationship is to develop trust, work towards win/win relationships and be able to talk about anything. You can read about some more detailed elements in this article about relationship rules by psychology today. I will expand on these a bit. But to do this understand that relationships need to support all levels Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Strong relationships cover all levels of Maslow’s Hierarch of needs

The first level of needs is physiological needs. This includes the basic elements to survive as an animal. Interestingly this does include sex, much to the dislike of modern prudes.

The second level is safety, which allows focus onto the long term ability to have the basic needs met.

The third level is being able to belong and have love.

The fourth level is to focus back on yourself and your self-esteem.

the fifth level is self-actualization.

The reason that many people are drawn to dom/sub and DD/BG relationships is that the first three levels of the hierarchy are usually met. Well if the top is doing their job. Though honestly these three elements are pretty easy to provide. The key to longer lasting relationships is that relationships need to build self-esteem and ultimately lead to the ability for yourself to exist independently.

Unfortunately, unscrupulous daddies will take advantage of littles. They will provide the basic needs, but will treat their partners very disrespectfully. They will not help them establish self-esteem and will create relationships based on dependence instead of independence. This allows them to take advantage of their subs and this is the reason we are writing this article…

Here are some key hang ups with dom/sub relationships and ways to avoid them

Don’t confuse sex with love. Sex satisfies a basic physiological need, but relationships need to fulfill all of the levels of These include the ability to continue to provide basic physiological needs (safety), belonging/love (which lust often feels like), building self-esteem, and the highest level which is being a able to master yourself.

Ensure that you have a partner that you enjoy all elements of life with and not just the bedroom part. It is important that you enjoy all aspects of life with you partner.

Be able to share your needs, and have your partner listen and understand them. If your partner is dismissive of your needs then that is a red flag.

Trust and respect are foundational. You don’t have to know what your partner is up to all he time, but you shouldn’t have to wonder.

Know that your are a team, helping each other fulfill their needs, wants and desires. Both of you need to be happy and gaining from your relationship (Win-Win)

If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it. Talk and explore, don’t assume.

Understand your partner’s end game. You should know what their long term relationship goals are, if they don’t match yours, it isn’t time.

Focus on your own self-esteem. It is important to fulfill the multiple roles in life, not just the one role when role playing with your partner.

Relationships are not perfect! They take work which means talking through challenges, there will be ups and downs. It is how you recover from the downs that matter.

Once you have this covered, then it is time to play

This basic foundation is needed to be able to thoroughly enjoy the different role playing option that trusting relationships can enjoy. There are dozens of different role playing options to experiment with. The key to enjoying these is to be able to trust your partner. This will allow you to know that things are done with the right intent. Once you try something, make time to go back and discuss. If you don’t like it. Don’t do it anymore. This needs to be a joint discussion and decision. Some fun things can include things like bringing others into the bedroom for play, different role playing, or different acts. Though these may bring too much stress or no enjoyment into the relationship. If that is the case then discuss this and stop doing them.

I know this is not what some of you littles and want to be little want to hear but this is important and comes from a responsible “daddy.”

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. or contact us with more questions