LONDON’S YACHT CHANDLER - ESTABLISHED 400 YEARS

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A Cunning Plan

I have asked all my friends who have boats on the East Coast if they would like to have an end of season meet-up in Brightlingsea. I rashly promised fair winds to all. That would be fair enough, but the yachts are coming from all over the place. So here is my cunning plan. I hereby appeal to all the good folk of Brightlingsea to get out their finest Henry Hoovers and turn them on full blast during the morning of 23rd September (in any case, you know your stair carpet could do with a clean). That will create a massive vacuum and cause all the winds to blow towards Brightlingsea to fill it. It is basic science so it must work. Mr Trump might well deny it, but you know it makes sense.

I know what you are thinking, “What about the tides?”. Don’t worry, I’ve thought about that too. While the good folk of Brightlingsea are cleaning their stair carpets using their Henrys, if they would be so kind as to run a big bath at the same time then it will solve the tidal conumdrum. The shock to the local water board of thousands of baths being run simultaneously will mean they will need to suck in more water from the harbour to fill the reservoirs. The inflow will be great enough to guarantee all the tidal streams will divert towards the harbour mouth and at the same time give us a prolonged stand of high water so we don’t get stuck in the mud trying to enter (as I normally do). Don't overdo it with those baths or we could end up with a Thames Corryvreckan or a Mersea Maelstrom.