Forget Bandz! 7 Things That Will REALLY Make Her Dance

Juicy J’s ode to ratchet p—y and strip clubs, “Bandz A Make Her Dance”, has become the default theme song for every event, party, and celebration of 2012. I’m pretty sure somewhere in the world a somebody is throwing a going away party for a co-worker, and “Bandz A Maker Her Dance” is on the playlist. It’s inescapable. And while rubber bands wrapped around a wad of money will indeed make some women dance, here are 7 other things that will make you twerk for joy.

Paying off a student loan

If you’re anything like me, student loans are burning a hole in your monthly budget and keeping you from living the life you want. And we aren’t alone – recent reports show that the number of people who default on student loans is climbing. Trust and believe you would do the butterfly and the tootsie roll if you could pay off Sallie Mae tomorrow and keep her from snatching your wig – and purse – every month.

The Holy Ghost

The church bands get old church ladies percolating – with the Holy Spirit, that is. Sometimes I wonder how they can just go from zero to 60 in such a short period of time, revving up their holy engines and doing a footwork that would shame the devil. My advice is to have the smelling salts and prayer shawls on deck when the Mothers start to go in, though. They really know how to cut a red velvet church rug.

A Sale

Maybe I’m a cheapskate, or maybe it’s the economy, but a good sale will make me do the cabbage patch in a heartbeat. Why pay more when you could pay less? Especially when you can get a $300 bag for $90. That’s enough to make anyone bust out in a jig.

Your Jam

The “jam” holds a scared place in the heart of every woman, and it must be observed with reverence and respect. If you hear a girl scream “THAT’S MY JAAAAAAAAM!” you already know that you should clear the dance floor because she and her home girls about drop down and get their collective eagles on. Don’t talk, just listen. And bodyroll.

Free food

Have you ever gotten up late, rushed to work, and then realized that you forgot to bring your lunch and have no cash to buy food? And then you remembered that there’s a special 12 noon team presentation in the conference room with catering by Panera? Yeah. You won. Immediately begin doing the snake.

Fitting into old clothes

It’s your five year college reunion and there’s a little black dress you want to rock when you see people from your “A Different World” days. Jumping for joy is only allowed when (and if) you can successfully finagle all your cutlets into the outfit. Just hope you have enough space to move once you get the dress on.

(Wedding) bands

Of course marriage isn’t for everyone, but the bands that would make most women dance are made of gold, not rubber. Please believe that if my man got down on one knee and put ring on it I would do a little dance of victory, if only inside my heart.