.....what I write when I am not writing software codes. Almost as illogical.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

An open letter to Moms-to-be...

Dear Mom-to-be,

Congratulations! I am a working mother of a one year old,
with my husband by me and all my folks back in a different country. Needless to
say, I am pretty much pulling it off on my slender shoulders.

When I announced my pregnancy, I got three types of
responses from my loved ones. The first, were the ones who said ‘Yipee my baby
is a Mommy!’ and blew kisses and wishes to express their joy. The second, were
the ones back at my hometown who expected me to be pregnant the next day of my
marriage, but are nevertheless relieved in some way. The third was a weird kind
who exclaimed…’what the hell! Are u mad?’ making me feel like a teenager.You may get more responses
which don’t fall under these categories, but the idea is to stay normal and
smile, which is very difficult to do, with all the hormones playing havoc in
your system. Nevertheless do not judge me as a person born to be a mother,
because I was the one who never touched or held a baby before. I was that kind
who stayed away from them due to possible risks of mishandling, as babies are soft and unstable and I believed it took professional training to hold them
properly without hurting them. But let me tell you, once you have one of your
own, it just comes to you.

The next stage after the announcement of pregnancy was to
tackle free advices flowing in plenty from friends and relatives across
continents. For me this was a tricky part, as a few people who already have kids’
resorted to scare me about how life will be a total mess once the child is born. Then
they went on to say how they couldn’t go to the toilet because the toddler is
uncontrollable even for a second, and about the infant who cried all night.
They also talked about cancelled vacations, flight charges that kept
increasing, expenses, deteriorating health and figure, and whatever it takes to
make me regret it. These are basically sadistic people who aren’t happy how
their lives turned out to be after their baby arrived. The idea is to ignore
these comments, it’s not bad after all, there will be sleepless nights, but you
can always sleep when the baby sleeps and bring her to a routine in six months.
Babies fall sick, like we do, and it is a passing phase as they recover faster
than us. All the more babies are fun, and in a strange way we wish that they
slept when they are running around hyperactively, and when they are asleep we
wait for them to wake up because it just gets plain boring.

Then came a time when I was overfed by random people. This
comes with respect to a traditional belief that a pregnant woman should eat for
two. Any vulnerable woman believes this, as she doesn’t want to take any risks
when it comes to the health of the baby. But here is the jinx – a tiny little
baby is not going to eat a plate full of rice and curry. Eat a bit more than
what you normally eat, avoid eating out, include more vegetables, oats and
milk, and you are done. Try to include spicy food as well during this phase, so
the baby will be tolerant to it. Avoid the ghee roasted stuff which is lovingly
brought by your Indian relatives, because you will not see them around when you
are crying on the weighing machine, looking longingly at the wardrobe of
beautiful clothes you will never fit into. These ghee roasted goodies are a brutal
attempt to make you fat, you know:-P

I had this rare blessing to be pregnant almost at the same
time when some of my closest friends were in their family way as well, so our skype discussions, emails and long chats helped us immensely. In
fact we had similar ‘situations’ and even had solutions for each other. This
camaraderie was a boon to us when we almost turned mini gynecologists
ourselves. Sometimes people who are at the same phase as
you can help you more than your mother who was last pregnant almost three
decades ago. The labor remains the same, they may say, but everything else is
different, I can guarantee. However there is no one but your mother who will
understand your deepest feelings.

Later, you will see people showing fake interest about your
due date, diet etc which till date has no explanation, and there will be no
shortage of free advice. Pick a person – friend, doctor or your mother and go
by their opinions whenever you have a query. Like they say, too many cooks spoil
the broth, so gracefully ignore the rest.

You will always have an intuition as to how to deal with a
situation in motherhood. It will be unique to you and your baby and should
shake up the courage to follow it. It will always be the right thing to do.
Because when a baby is born, a mother is born as well.

You basically covered it all Ani...though I'd say being on your own is not such a bad thing with a baby. You get to manage things your way and stay away from expectations from others that inevitably get broken.

Plus you've been working which makes a huge difference-staying away from the baby for a while in the day makes you look forward to sleepless nights but wailing ones all day n all night can lead to a different story.

Everyone learns from their own experiences-mine says not to cling to them too much or then they'll cling to you too much! The rest, with time you get used to :-)

Anita, I loved your post so much that I forwarded it to a close friend(she is expecting too). Normally when people blog about thier pregnancies encounters, its always scary and at the end of it, you really dont want to go through it. So i avoid sending those posts to be friends who are expecting. But this was awesome :-)

And yes, its not going to be easy, but its not all that nightmarish also, and there are also so many good things too. You know, as you said, when the baby is asleep you want him to be up and vice versa :-) I totally loveddd the post!

This is such a realistic post. I have been guilty of giving advice even though I'm not a mother yet. I'm sure those women must have laughed in their heads.I find it funny when people crib about vacations and expenses. If they were so worried why did they have a child in the first place? It's the worst thing to blame your child for your troubles - and this is exactly what you hear when parents crib.

Cant agree more.Parents should be aware of the responsibilities that follow once a child is born and should have the heart to welcome it that way. Just for the sake of having a child, one should never go for it and crib later! Rightly said.

Nice post Anita. Definitely helpful for the soon-to-be moms :) The line you mentioned abt kids should sleep when they are hyper-active and you wait for them to get up as its too boring is what all my friends (who became parents) tell me.. :)

and love the lines., "babies are fun, in a strange way we wish that they slept when they are running around hyperactively, and when they are asleep we wait for them to wake up because it just gets plain boring."