Ask E. Jean: My Outer Goddess is Missing but Not in Action

E. Jean helps one woman tap into her inner femme without fleeing the scene.

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Dear E. Jean: Can you tell me who is this "inner goddess" whom all ladies apparently carry inside? Inside where? I'm having trouble finding her! I was never really a girly girl, and flirting doesn't come naturally to me, so at 27 I'm a total seduction rookie. My experience with men can't even be characterized as elementary.

I don't expect to become the next Marilyn, but I want to tap into my inner femme. How do I get myself to a place where I can enjoy being admired? I'm a successful career woman and I know how to make goals, and this is my new goal: to exchange sparkly glances sans panic attacks. —I Just Bow My Head and Flee

Miss Flee: I have conferred with my inner goddess. She reports that your inner goddess is in San Francisco attending a vibrator convention.

Good. With luck, we won't hear from your Supreme Broad for weeks. They're a boring bunch, these inner goddesses—they never seem to do anything but whisper: "Hey, girl, let's straddle the sofa!" Or, "Hey, girl, let's take a bubble bath!"

A simple being, your outer goddess has no secrets. She swears by the hair, the makeup, the dress, and nothing but the dress, so help her God(s). Your outer goddess knows that if you brush on a bit of mascara and shimmy into a flirty frock, men will deduce (correctly) that you want to flirt, and if they deduce that you want to flirt, they will flirt with you.

A man's "mind argues," wrote Balzac, that "a woman who knows how to make herself so beautiful must have still greater resources when it comes to lovemaking." All you have to do is (A) find the dress; (B) don the dress; (C) attend a shindig wearing the dress; (D) not run away when a chap is attracted to you because of the dress; (E) look into his eyes; (F) smile. It would be nice if you also laughed at his jokes, but let's not go completely mad the first night out.

The next week, you will slip into a cocktail dress and high, high heels and throw a Thanksgiving board game party.

P.S. I also recommend that you attend a seminar at Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts (mamagenas.com). There, the magnificent Regena, who answers only to Celtic gods, will instruct you in a whole new view of enjoying (i.e., seducing) men.