...The story behind it is convulted, by suffice that the players had managed to anger the God of Violent Death, War, Cruelty, and Pain. After managing to heroically drive the god off the mortal plane to his own realm once again, the players notice that he left his titanic two-handed bastard sword made of blacksteel and etched with blood-red runes embedded in the middle of the battlefield...

...So one player goes and announces that he's going to grab it. And gets fried by the god's raw anger, funnelled through the sword via a divine connection.

Needless to say, the player in question is more cautious about seizing random battlefield items left behind by powerful enemies.

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"I grab the sword!""Mmkay, you're dead.""What!?""You just grabbed the sword of the god you were just personally responsible for banishing from the world for the next ten thousand years. You just got zapped by around a billion volts of Angry Divine Power. You're dead."

"Oh... you're one of those..."One of the members in a party I'm currently with is insane, and quite obviously so. THis is because he is of a magical discipline that, while powerful, inevitably drives it's practitioners mad. This is, of course, common knowledge. So any NPC that meets this character eventually say this.

This comment needs some setting up. In my game, there is a rather random, very comical event that happens occasionally called the Dwarf Conspiracy. The dwarves of the Dwarf Conspiracy are trying to make five of every single being in the multiverse because they believe that the evil Other Ones are going to wipe it clean of all life. They have a magical cavern fortress that they think will protect them from the Other Ones.Unfortunately, the Dwarf Conspirators are ridiculously stupid and inept and always get it wrong. One of my player's characters got stump-drunk and was picked up by the Dwarf Conspirators and made to mate with a sandwich.

"You wake up with a splitting head-ache, water dripping in your face. You are in a dark cave, the only light coming from a tunnel in the wall. There's a smashed sandwich in front of you. You don't remember anything from the night before after your eleventh drink.""I want to grab the sandwich and eat.""No you don't.""Yes I do.""Allright, you eat the sandwich, but there's some mighty strange mayonnaise on it."

"Aggh! I am the godsd@mned Queen of Thieves, and I can't even untie my ow f-ing hands!"This was a character that I had in high school. She was the greatest living thief in the kingdom. Locks meant nothing to her. Knots, on the other hand, were a different matter entirely.

"I'm mad, not stupid."Same character, who was also more or less insane. In one of her more lucid moments, someone asked her to do something that would have been suicidal.

"See, no. You don't get to play with time."This was a character that was, for lack of a better description, an uber-mage. Time and physics were his playthings. The above was said to a doppelganger clone that had tried to pass himself off as the mage. And later tried to go against him in a magic duel. Which leads to the next:

"Awww... He's so stoopid."This was a catch-all quote. For some reason, enemies consistently underestimated us.

"Oog."This is a personal favorite, and actually spans multiple characters. This is said after waking up after being clonked on the head, or having a few too many.

"That which does not kill you makes you stronger. Having an outlaw for a friend will certainly do one or the other."The outlaw in question was a very much wanted assassin with demon wannabes on her tail.

"Come, my trusted friend. Let us go turn the bad guy's hideout into a parking lot."I honestly don't remember the situation, except that it was a very annoyed Shadowrunner who said it.

This phrase i saw it in a movie from Athilla the Hun and i have remembered it ever since. A roman comes to ones of Atthilla's cities and said:"This city is very beautiful, but civilization is for for the civilized".

« Last Edit: July 01, 2007, 10:03:19 PM by Ria Hawk »

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There are only two unlimited things:The universe and human stupidity,and I'm not so sure about the universe.

I'm currently a part of a dragonstar game. With the exception of the PCs, everyone on the flagship is either incompetnent of stupid(something of a reflection of the DM's personality). Our Captain will say this after the exceptionally stupid events.

"Riiight. I'm going to punch you now."

My favorite quote of all time belong to Monty Python:"NO ONE expects the SPANISH INQUISITION!!!"

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Anything is possible. Anything at all. However, probability is another matter....

"I would very much like to blow before the cops show up. Again." This was said by a Shadowrunner I play. She's wanted in two states for murder (which she didn't commit), and the group she with just annhilated a death-robot. Of course it had a failsafe which reduced a city block to cinders. The previous encounter involved a shootout, more explosions, and the destruction of a tavern.

A little later, with the same character:"Okay. Having established that everyone's alive, I suggest that we run like hell now. My desire to meet the cops is only slightly greater than my desire to swallow flaming rats. In other words, less than zero."

A different character, same game:"Can I please shoot her now?"

Ah, the smell of death and destruction in the wee hours of the morning...

"Congrats. You have demon-babies." -- Said by the party theif to a horror possesed Earthdawn character of mine. Little explanation required, I hope.

Perhaps one of the more memorable campaigns I've been in, however, was a Shadowrun game in which my character was a Catholic Priest... with hermetic magic and, unknown to the party, a left cyber arm, complete with internal shotgun. In one particularly nasty situation, we had the party trog stand in the middle of a doorway, SMG in each hand, going full auto. It turned out that the best way for my character to add to the fight was to kneel down, and fire his cyber-gun between the troll's legs. While he was able to connect the muzzle flash and barrel report about six inches beneath his crotch with 'Father Max', he wasn't able to connect it with anything he knew about his priestly friend. Therefore, he looked down, and asked simply, "What spell that?"My reply was to grin upwards, and reply, "Leadbolt." "Trog like Leadbolt."

Later in that same campaign, after an incident with an oriental fire-mage and a fryer, came the line, "I grab the deepfried werewolf and run."

Now, this requires a little explanation. I once had the misfortune to run a game with a player who turned out to be a bloodthirsty and semi-homicidal loon. The party (at level 1, mind you) had just set out to see if they could find some bandits. As they left town, they ran into an old man. This is the following conversation.

Me: You see an old man on the path. He looks tired and a little worse for wear.Player: Is he armed?Me: Um, not that you can see.Player: I attack him.Me: Uh... You don't want to do that.Player: Yes I do. I attack.Me: I'm telling you, you don't want to do that.Player: Well, I'm going to.Me: *sigh* You lunge at the old man. He moves out of the way much faster than it seems like he should be able to.(Now, that should have tipped off the player. But no.)Player: I attack again!Me: Again the old man dodges. He says, "I wouldn't do that again, if I were you. You'll make me lose my patience."Player: I insult his family and attack again.Me: This time, he doesn't dodge. But before you reach him, a swirling, sparkling mist seems to surround him. It only lasts a moment, then there's a flash of light. Your sword bounces off of dragonscale.Player: ... What?Me: You look up, and where the old man was is now a very large gold dragon.Player: Uh huh.

To make a long story short, the dragon stepped on the offending party member. The group had to spend most of the advance cash they had gotten to heal the character. Now, the thing is, the old man/dragon was a character I had created weeks before the game started. He was an ancient gold dragon who routinely polymorphed himself into human form. However, I have never been able to convince the player of that. He thought I did it because he was trying to kill an NPC. He eventually stopped playing with me. I think that's a good thing.

Bloodthristy players. I know that problem. One of my own players, also at level one, decided to kill and other one in the middle of a town square in broad daylight. Needless to say he was seen, as the villagers sent a different PC to hunt him down. When they did get him, his god got a message through to him first and hit him hard with blue lightning (literally) just before the Innkeeper praticed the theory of "an eye for an eye".

Let this be a lesson to all. Beware what you do when you worship colors, PARTICULARLY when your DM is an avid video game player.

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Anything is possible. Anything at all. However, probability is another matter....

Just to be different, two of the players decided that their deity would be the color blue. They didn't think that I would actually go as far as to create a real deity that would be watching their movements. I decided to base the deity off of the charater Blue from Saga Frontier (a playstation game), and made him a lawful goodish person. Blue, by the way, is out to kill his twin brother Rouge, and thus hates the color red.

When the charaters went chaotic evil, that was the equivelent(sp?) of them becoming red in the god's eyes and the rest is history.

Does that help?

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Anything is possible. Anything at all. However, probability is another matter....