Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I know that most of you have never experienced the loss of a child but those of you who have may can contest to what I'm feeling right now.

Grief is an energy zapper. It drains you so fast and you can neither stop it or slow it down.There are certain 'triggers' that recall your broken heart up to the surface and then the grief over takes you..Your in the middle of a thunder storm of your emotions before you or your husband or friends even know anything is happening...

The only thing you can do is keep walking..It feels like your walking with 50lb weights tied to your ankle's though so it's not as easy as it sounds..Those of you serious about your 5-k training ever tried running in the rain?Your running in the same place, you have the same clothes on, it's the same time of day but it's raining so EVERYTHING is different.Your wet, your getting your face smacked by little rain drops your not comfortable..Your trail or road looks like the dry one but the trees are heavy with the rain that flows. The ground is soft and muddy and you have to keep moving..You can't stop..

You want to stop and just let the rain pound, let the mud rise and the lighting strike but you keep moving.

Grief over the loss of William has left me broken and wandering in the rain alot but you may not see it unless your one of my few friends that know me well but it's there..I try to keep moving forward and I do and some days the weight feels like 10lbs but today it feels like 150.

So I ask for prayer from all of you I'm trying to be real on this journey so that no-one gets the impression it's easy because it's the hardest road I've traveled.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

It's been a while since I've been on a trip that involved two airports and a nice hotel but as the

trip started I kept finding myself being very agitated.

I didn't really know why until the last leg of our journey and then it hit me....

I see NAKED PEOPLE!!

So many women 14-30 were showing boobs, bottoms, and anything else you wanted to see.You didn't have to buy a magazine or pull anything up on the computer, it was FREE...

I diverted my eyes. I changed my direction. I smiled graciously at these women and then I was just mad...

I was embarrassed for these girls. I was angry at the men who had lost their integrity on a short flight. They fell over themselves to help these un-dressed damsels. I noticed wedding rings on almost all of these guys and I just wondered what their wives would of thought of their helpful spirit..:) I was not impressed..I'm sure she wouldn't have been either.

One guy in particular sat next to Scott and I, we found him to be a 48 year old funny likable Christian guy who told us about his wife and kids and how he married up.(I always think highly of a guy who talks about his family, don't you?)We laughed with him and had deep conversation about the Lord and our churches etc....He ruined his whole reputation with me in a matter of 30 secs.On the way off the plane the stewardess was at the door wearing tight pants and a low cut shirt he stops and tells her how beautiful she was...She smiled and told him how sweet he was.I wanted to jump in and say "excuse me but your wife may not like you talking like that to other women, I wouldn't like it."

I don't really know what struck me so hard except that he was a husband. A protector, a provider, a leader of a home...a father, one who is supposed to teach and guide.and here this guy is telling another woman how beautiful she was, like it was the easiest thing in the world to do..I have to say it made me sick to my stomach......

So I asked my husband what he would do if I wasn't with him and one of these hastily dressed women sat next to him, his response was:

"I'd move"

He said as a man you must and have to train your eyes and your thoughts.

We have alittle rule around our marriage that goes something like this:

We will not be alone with the opposite sex....(flee from the appearance of evil)

We are very careful about how things would look if my spouse walked in or drove up etc.

Call us nuts but I know my husband would never do anything to hurt me or to make me feelless than his top priority...

Why do some Christian men act so goofy?

Why would they resort to acting foolish for some stranger?

Marriage is sacred. It's intimate, it's beautiful.

The words Scott and I say to each other would never cross my lips to someone else.

Just as I know that the way he looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am he would never say to someone else.

Not because I'm the most beautiful woman in the world but because I'm his beloved and I'm beautiful to him and I am his world.

I know this to be true of his character and he teaches this to our sons.

He used the example of our flight to tell our boys that:

"You will need to remove yourself from situations sometimes that offend you. How would your wife feel if she walked on the plane and saw you sitting next to someone half dressed? There may not be anything at all going on but you don't want to ever make your wife feel uncomfortable, you never want to put yourself in a situation that could effect your marriage in anyway."

I have some friends who are not bothered by their husbands being alone with their secretary or traveling for business with other women, this again is an area in which we don't daddle in.

I also have a friend that her husband refused to work in an office alone with another female employee because they had made a promise to each other to never be alone with the opposite sex. The guy that owned the business didn't have a problem with it and they worked out a schedule so that the husband was never put in that situation. Our friend's desire to honor his wife makes us respect them all the more.

I'm teaching Taylor why it's so important for her to dress modestly.

Do I believe she has to wear long black skirts and a head covering? No, I don't see that standard in the bible, but the standard I do see in the bible is to love thy neighbor. If you're busy loving others you would never want to hurt anyone...by your actions or your dress... especially the person whom you will spend your life with.

It's been a lot of fun talking with Scott on this subject and I appreciate his leadership in this area.

I'm thankful for his faithfulness in all areas of our marriage and I'm thankful that he honors me when I'm around and when I'm not around.

Remember It's a slow fade:

Be careful little eyes what you see Be careful little eyes what you seeIt’s the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the stringsBe careful little feet where you goFor it’s the little feet behind you that are sure to followIt’s a slow fade when you give yourself awayIt’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to grayThoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paidWhen you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a dayIt’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fadeBe careful little ears what you hearWhen flattery leads to compromise, the end is always nearBe careful little lips what you sayFor empty words and promises lead broken hearts astrayIt’s a slow fade when you give yourself awayIt’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to grayThoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paidWhen you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a daycasting crown lyrics on www.lyrics-celebrities.anekatips.comThe journey from your mind to your handsIs shorter than you’re thinkingBe careful if you think you standYou just might be sinkingIt’s a slow fade when you give yourself awayIt’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to grayThoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paidWhen you give yourself awayPeople never crumble in a dayDaddies never crumble in a dayFamilies never crumble in a dayOh be careful little eyes what you seeOh be careful little eyes what you seeFor the Father up above is looking down in loveOh be careful little eyes what you see

As most of you know my blog is easy on the mind and it's fun and up-beat for the most part and it's just my family journal but after the weekend I just spent with Scott I will warn you that I'm working on a post that some may not like...So be looking for one of my first controversial post..

I will not make this a habit nor do I intend to change my blog style but as a womanI feel like I need to speak up...:)

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Scott and I will be spending the next three days together ALONE.I'm almost breathless saying that..Alone.... hmmmmm it's been a while folks.

Our conversations are usually broken words interrupted by three year olds.As I get older I find that I forget what I was talking about just mins. beforeI was interrupted. We will put out what ever fire there was and look at each other andsay "what were we talking about?" Alot of times we just have to call it and say if you remember let me know.

Our bedroom is full of kids all the time. We are a cuddly bunch of people if you have everbeen around us you know we are affectionate..We love being together and we're together all the time. Our bed is full with little people, teenagers, their stuff and Scott and I are in there some where....At night we have occupants on a pallet in our floor? Don't ask me why..When our kids get around 4 they ask "can I sleep in your floor." and we always say YES! We are older parents remember and we know all to well that our floor will be empty one day so we live for today..We say Yes alot because we realize how time flies.......we understand that 4 year olds don't stay 4, they grow up and wouldn't sleep in your floor if you paid them...so we enjoy the warm little body at the foot of our bed. We enjoy the little boy who crawls up for morning snuggle time. Yep we are the sappy parents who try not to take one moment for granted... :)

Our telephone time is some of the most intimate times we have...We make a point to talk on the phone when he is commuting to and from work...This is time I usually make my bed or do some other chore while spend time with Scott on the phone..hey! you take it where you can get it..

Our car time is no help because..our back seat is loud and restless...complaints, singing, fighting,and just plain noise, this keeps us from having much time..

We have secret hand shakes, secret eye looks,and secret code words for our conversations andthis is as close as it comes to being a romantic couple in our home... on some days.

So Alone with my man...I feel almost like I'm blushing by the very thought.

Will he like who I've become while raising his children?Will he see any of who I used to be before six kids?Will he enjoy my conversation?Will he enjoy just my company?Just me!!

I feel like I've changed so much over these years, some good and some not so good.I know alot of times I've neglected him as my husband in order to be a better mother.Although he never says a word about this I feel like I could definitely shape up in this area of wife..

Yet when we're alone and I'm just his wife, can I pull it off? Can I be carefree and interesting?Can I still make him laugh.

Marriage is one of the most beautiful roads I have ever traveled andScott is the perfect travel companion... for me....Somewhere along the journeyyou realize you give up alot to have a big family..but the rewards are too greatnot to do it.....When we're empty nesters ( we'll be 80) I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to do all the selfish things we missed out on.....:)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Cooper learned to swim in the deep end of the pool this week. He has been swimming for a while but the deep end was always somewhere he didn't want to go. Until, his big brother helped him conquer his fear.

He gently and playfully got Coop to go to the deep end and then stayed with him until his face was under, then got him to swim little bits at the time until he realized he could do it. The big part of the show was when standing below the diving board Tucker said "jump Coop I've got you." He Jumped!!! With his big brother waiting in the water he jumped and swam.

I was so proud of Cooper but I was more proud of Tucker because he wanted to show Cooper he could do it...He was an encourager and as I told Tucker "this will be something that Cooper will always remember.You taught him to swim in the the deep end. He trusts you and that will carry your relationship in the future.."When it's Cullen and Jo's time to swim in the deep end I pray that they will have a couple of big brothers waiting in the deep saying

Thursday, June 11, 2009

It took us over two hours to do this particular trail and by the end of it we had collected feathers, rocks and flowers. We saw three different tracks of wild animals and felt like we were away from it all.

As a mom I want to feel like I'm teaching my kids to love nature and to be able to finish something. When I put them at the beginning of a trail and say "we're going till the end"

they know we will finish together. It promotes team work. Tucker had to carry our pack,

Cooper had to help his sister climb over trees etc..

Could we experience nature at home? Yes, we can (and do) but there on the trail the kids had my undivided attention.

No distractions, just us and nature.

Next week we planned a hike that ends up in a cool spring so the reward will be refreshing.

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"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return."