Window Seat…

I’ve been thinking about reflection and how valuable of a practice it is for inner peace. Some may say that I am writing about something obvious but there is a depth there which often goes unacknowledged, in my opinion.

I, just like many who live in large North American cities, lead a busy life. Of course this is by choice but the fact remains – we stay busy. In the midst of that chaos (because at times it really can feel chaotic) we somehow ‘have to deal’ with whatever is going on in our lives, with whatever has happened that’s not been dealt with, and with whatever else comes up. Often, I have found that I do the minimum not because I don’t want to deal with an issue or a situation (although sometimes that IS true) but simply because of lack of time I make for self.

Recently, me, myself and I traveled abroad for four weeks and got to spend much-needed quality time. I wasn’t even aware that I had that actual need to spend time with myself, until I was there and all the things that have happened in my life in the last few years finally surfaced…but you could say, I finally allowed them to. They were all pretty major things – passing of my grandfather who was one of the biggest loves of my life; getting out of an unhealthy relationship which left scars and damage that I realized during my alone time I had buried deep and hadn’t allowed myself to feel; coming into my own as a woman and an adult which is complex on its own; and dealing with all the matters of the heart which I tried to run from or ignore….

I’m not interested in writing about personal details of people, situations or moments which happened on my trip or in my life because it is not necessary. If you are going through or have gone through something which you’ve not been able to, or have not allowed yourself to deal with and feel, then you already understand my words and all of what I’m trying to say.

The thing which has become obvious to me however, is that all those things I ‘have to deal’ with but don’t make time for, eventually DO need to be dealt with, reflected on, digested, discussed, released…for me to keep going and most importantly to be able to grow and to be able to feel. I am not talking about every day stuff we have to do but big things like relationships, death of someone close to us, love, etc. All that ‘stuff’ requires and deserves time with self. YOU deserve time with YOURSELF.

Sometimes it is just a feeling – you know you must spend time to reflect and to feel in order to move forward. And it doesn’t even have to be that you are unhappy about anything in your life or about yourself. It’s really just about you taking the time to reflect and I mean REALLY reflect on whatever it is that your soul and your heart are telling you is important.

I’ve come to appreciate my own ‘stripping’ of outer layers and being emotionally and spiritually ‘naked’ with myself. It is a scary thing, I won’t lie but what scared me more after-the-fact is that I had not allowed myself to feel up to that point. The inability of feeling had crippled me emotionally, spiritually and somewhat mentally without me even realizing it. It’s strange because before I left for my trip I felt great about everything in my life – I was happy and content. After I faced my fears and allowed myself to feel, by reflecting on things that I thought I had ‘dealt with’, I realized how much growing I still had to do as a person. More importantly I realized that I can be my own best friend or worst enemy depending on the amount of realness I serve myself and how much time I allow with myself.

To some of you reading this, you just read a bunch of gibberish. But to others who are dealing with ‘stuff’ and yet haven’t really dealt with anything, I hope you allow yourself time with yourself to reflect. My biggest wish for you after that time with self which I hope you find, is that you allow yourself to feel all of that which you need to. Know that we all have a story and that someone else has gone through what you’ve gone or may be going through – the details may be different but the feelings which you were left with are the same. It isn’t an easy road to travel on but it’s the most important one to follow….