Conclusion?

V has not been to preschool in over 1 month. And, wow he is SO happy! My little boy is smiling, laughing, opening up to talking with people he does not know (even a few kids, but mainly teenagers or grown ups). That is just so nice to see. I teach him how to ask questions and he gathers his courage and goes for it. Now I need to make aware that as a child he needs to use certain manners with grown ups. LOL
Right now, he is at the beach with my parents and Partner. He cried last night on the phone but was very cheerful tonight. He is counting the days (3 more days, husband, Sweet Pea and I came home yesterday afternoon... work is calling), but he is doing it.
He is down to about 3 or 4 meltdown a week. It used to be about 4 or 5 a day. So that is HUGE progress.
He does great at Occupational Therapist (OT), he allows some imposed movements and is even learning how to do a back flip (rolls back on a big soft roll with Occupational Therapist (OT)"s help). That would have never happened a few months ago.
His self confidence is a lot better. With encouragement, he gives things a try.
He is not negative anymore, his smile is just wonderful to see.
on the other hand, his learning is not getting better and I still don't know how to teach him simple things (we worked on the days of the week with a melissa nd doug calendar for over 1 month with very little success. We still do it just as a routine). The Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) has changed gears and tries to focus on expanding his vocabulary, teach him to focus on on peoples lips and not fidget too much.
At the beach, he was just indulging in all the sensory experiences. He never stopped laughing, running, splashing, etc. But he could not "hear" a thing. I was constantly repeating everything. I believe the noise from the ocean was just too much but the sensory diet helped him find a good balance?
V is even getting potty trained at night!!! 5 days in a row with a dry diaper. He is so proud and tells me that's the sign of becoming a big boy. I think he is right, lol
So things are not perfect, but a lot better. Now what? Keep him away from school forever? Probably not an option.
I encourage him to go to his old daycare (same as Sweet Pea's), but he is not able to handle more than 1.5 hour. He tries 2x week, but sometimes says no. I promissed not to push him and to let him go at his own pace. I love the daycare, they are so loving and caring. The director (who has a special need child herself) told they would do whatever I wish. But I also know the teacher is not equiped to teach a child like V. But V can feel that she deeply cares and knows she is right with him when he needs her.
I also thinks V feels better because he is not rushed from one activity to an other. He likes to know what will happen next (school offers that for sure) but can't be rushed to transition if he is not mentally ready (school is rigid, when it's time it's time). At home, I can allow an extra 10 minutes and then move on. Is a true transtion issue or a processing issue? Are those 2 concepts the same in this case??
Conclusion: a cocktail of therapies and staying home is good for V. We are seeing lots of positive. But is it really a viable cocktail on the long run?
Should I dare homeschooling him knowing I am not able to teach him academics but I am able to teach functional social skills, offer a sensory rich diet, boost his self confidence?
Could a school offer enough appropriate accomodationc to satisfy V and not jack up his anxiety?
Lots of questions yet!

Charter schools are not an option in our county (would have to drive 1 hour or more ) and Montessori are only private schools around here and we can't afford it. Back in NY, both boys were enrolled in a small Mintessoi preschool. It was short lived since we moved to NC. I always wondered if we had not moved. But really was not an option, we would have starved to death looking at our dying wood stove!

Charter schools are not an option in our county (would have to drive 1 hour or more ) and Montessori are only private schools around here and we can't afford it. Back in NY, both boys were enrolled in a small Mintessoi preschool. It was short lived since we moved to NC. I always wondered if we had not moved. But really was not an option, we would have starved to death looking at our dying wood stove!

KTLC... who says you can't teach him academics? You'll need help, but... he is doing so much better at home that he might benefit from a couple years of home-schooling. All they really learn in K-2 is reading, basic writing skills (not grammar etc. but letter and word formation), and the basics of mathematics. You might be surprised how much you can do for him.

When is his birthday? Is it possible to hold him back until he's 6 to start kindergarten? That would give him time to build his self-esteem more and get him to a "better place" with therapies and such. In the meantime, have you looked into internet resources to teach basics? I know of some math sites that we use with our kindergarteners if you'd like. I'm sure there has to be some sites for other skills too. I can check with some of our teachers if that is something you are interested in.

Sounds like he's doing great. Slow and steady is apparently what V needs. Another option we just LOVE is the online school my kids attend. In our state they are a free charter school. I've heard it isn't in all states but it's something to check into. There are other online schools besides the one we use.

Enjoy the solitude you have and bask in his successes. You've all earned it!!

With an IEP you can shorten his day, allow him transition time, give him advanced notice of change of schedules (even fire drills)

What you need to remember is that every day he grows a bit and matures a bit, I think he can be very successful with the right accommodations. This argument works on the flip side as well. There will come a time or a method you find where you will be able to teach him academics. You're already teaching him so many other things. Right now, you are tackling the hardest part - identifying in detail all his issues and figuring out what works.

it is great that he s doing so well at home. for some kids it just is what they need. i thnk we spend way too much time teaching young hcildren academics. reading skills at kdg age have done very little in the long run to get every child learning. i know a lot of homeschool kids and they often learn at different rates/times but they are STILL highly desired by top colleges because they were ready when they learned things and they learned in ways that worked for them. our schools are not really designed to meet the needs of every student and often impose things that are not really in each child's best interests. they do the best htey can, but when you have a group of 20-30+ kids, you can't really individualize the way some kids need.

there should be no reason why you can't teach V academics. i think he is not learning them right now because he is busy learnng other things. wiz learned fast and quite easily, but when he was ready. we were lucky because he was usually several years ahead of the school, but when he was not, he did not learn until he was ready to learn it. it was not a choice, but the way his brain worked. my feeling with V is that he is busy learning other thigns and dealing with the sensory stuff right now. there is a LOT of time for days of the week, letters, and other academics. surround him with learning opportunities and he WILL learn it. I still remember when the teacher had a fit because we kept Wiz home one day because he was up all nght learnng. he was in grade 1 and was up all night teaching himself multiplication one night and then the next week he taught himself division - both with workbooks and long after we were asleep. He was NOT going to learn new stuff at school in gr 1, but the teacher had a cow and threatened to report us to CPS. When i brought in letters from educational consultants who had phds, she was furious - and if she had known they were relatives it would be worse. but he was learning and his mnd wouldn't stop because it was nght, and i saw no reason to make him stop when he was so involved and interested.

Keep workbooks around and let him color, doodle, draw if he wants rather than doing the prescribed elssons. When he watches tv make sure most is educational, offer computer games that are fun but involve things he needs to learn. Just realize that there is a ton more to learning that doing lessons and at his age, his natural curiousity will do far more than any school can do.

PLEASE look up unschooling and give it some real thought. i know several young adults who were unschooled for 5-10 yrs rather than being enrolled in traditional schools or taught using more conventional curriculum. The parents kept them unplugged or wiht educational shows/programs used minmally, and most of these kids are in college on full scholarshp or are finishing high school with colleges courting them with very tempting offers ncluding stipends for spending money above books, tuition, fees and living expenses. One young man even has a full time scribe because he has writing issues but is that brilliant.

i think there is a lot to unschooling, esp for the early elem years. i also think there is a lot to montesori and that Wiz might have been very different if we had kept him in montessori rather than reg school - it fit how his mind worked. montessori would have been 600 per month for just him and we couldn't pay it even with help from the grands, not with 2 other kids.

not every kid is right for reg school and vice versa. at v's age learning should be able what his brain is ready for when it is ready to do it. he will learn the things he needs, but in his time. giving him that extra time to transition is a great thing, and will help his brain develop and learn and stay curious. surround him with books and supplies about whatever topics he is interested in, and he WILL learn what he needs.

I am glad he is more calm and blossoming at home. it sounds like exactly what he needs.

As far as I know, NC is one of the few around us that doesnt offer a free online school. I wish we could connect to SC's school. I dont know if that is possible or not. Maybe if you offer to pay like you would if crossing into another school's boundaries? Something to ask about. They have Connections Academy I think its called and it is k through 12.

Are you sure none of your elementary schools is Montessori? I live in a really bad school system and two of ours are. Now granted I live in one of the largest counties in the state but still we have two elementary schools that are Montessori based. Now after that they are dumped back into the pitiful middle schools.

Is V staying away from you with your parents and his brother? If so, I find that really a huge transition that he is making... Very positive.
Of course you want your boy to be happy and at ease. A good mum! School was obviously a BIG stress for him... Makes sense you don't want to put him back there. Maybe home schooling really would be the best option - how do you feel about that?

Malika, Yes! V will be back Friday and it will be 4 days away from me. Let me tell you, I was worried. But so far so good.
As far as homeschooling, I am not totally against it, specially when I see how much better he is now. But it is going to be tough to manage homeschooling and my ever increasing work load! But how can I say no if it means my little guy is happy and making progress? Sure I could do most of my work at night when the kids are sleeping, but I really don't like it...
We'll see what feels right, but I know husband is 100% for homeschooling V. But he also said he understands if I choose not to. It's nice to have an understanding husband, but it sure does not help making a decision. LOL
You guys are so right about the importance of being ready to learn. I am trying to remind myself of that, to just relax and have a little faith.

One of the lovely things iwth unschooling is that the kids pretty much do what they want. they teach themselves through play. i know a few who went to school in about 2nd or 3rd gr after unschooling until then and had no problems other than not wandering around. the key thing is that their parents didn't have electronics other than instrumental music on during daylight hours, so the kids had to actually DO somethng.

I know several people who homeschool. Some of them have bought cirruculums from companies and some of them have staff whose job is to help people with teaching the academics. IF you have a question you can call someone who can explain to you something you don't quite understand. He is still young yet, so that might not be something that you have to worry about right now, but if you choose to homeschool, as the work gets harder it might be needed.

Check in your area to see if there is a local homeschool association. They will be able to give you idea that you had not thought of.