Sally Brampton: I don’t stand up for myself because I hate rows

I wasn’t the most alpha male of boys and have a history of being a doormat in relationships. I’d love to be brave, but I’m terrified of conflict

The problem
My father had a quick temper and I wasn’t the most alpha male of boys. I even
have to turn off the television when people argue and struggle to return
items to a shop. I have a history of being a doormat in relationships.

My boyfriend is in debt, so everything, including household bills and
accounts, is in my name. He promises to pay me back, but never does. I feel
more like a parent than an equal. My ex cheated on me constantly, but I
turned a blind eye because I loved him so much.

My current boyfriend is open about how he feels about me. Despite his faults,
he is funny and great company, but I don’t feel I can ever love as deeply
again. It makes me feel guilty. Is it right to settle for safe, or try and
find love again, like the one