So here’s how my week has been (summed up in a handy-dandy math problem):

Dr. Daddy taking one last look at those massive tonsils.

Hattie

+

Tonsillectomy

=

Six long, sleepless nights and fairly miserable days with a little girl whose throat is so sore even ice cream hurts going down.

Add that to:

Owning a rental property

+

Water lines that bust, sewers that back up, and bathtubs that leak…all just days apart.

Subtract:

A husband who was gone all weekend working on the stinking water lines, sewers and tubs.

And you get:

One very cranky wife.

(And do I even need to say it?)

Cranky wife = Bad news for everyone.

~

It didn’t help that Josh’s allergies attacked him simultaneous to all this, and (also didn’t help) that I had a hard time mustering up much sympathy since when my sinuses nearly exploded three weeks ago, life just went on.

There was no lying around in bed. No sleeping late. No day off.

It was life. With sinus pressure. With three kids.

So poor Josh and his stuffy nose didn’t get much special treatment around here, needless to say.

Sorry, darling.

~

Anyway, with all this negativity swirling through my noggin, I found myself silently fuming at my half-sick, oh-so-tired husband who had the nerve to spend twelve hours a day working up to his knees in someone else’s sewage instead of staying home and helping me around the house.

(Yep. Wife of the Year. Right here, folks.)

But then I had this moment.

I was coming down the stairs after helping Edy pick up her room—which appeared to have been struck by a tornado that had somehow missed the rest of the house—when I saw my handsome, hardworking husband collapsed on the couch.

I looked at him in all his exhaustion and sickness.

And all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.

(Sorry, again, Josh.)

~

I blame the lack of sleep.

And that he had also been gone the weekend before, “working.”

As seen here, playing paintball:

And here. Playing chase:

And then there was the stress of the surgery and the pain and tiny little Hattie still not eating.

And, of course, that feeling that you get when all the laundry, and the meals, and the playing nurse and maid pile up and couple with the depressing realization that the most exciting thing that happened to you that week was when you got to go to Dollar General alone.

Yep, I was starting to feel unappreciated.

It’s a nasty feeling.

So I blame that too.

~

It all came to a head in an ugly, drawn-out, hide-from-the-kids-in-the-bathroom kind of argument just a morning or two ago.

(Yeah, this is still pretty fresh… and pretty embarrassing.)

Now I don’t know how your arguments go, but when we get mad we go straight for the gullet.

We don’t fight fair. We dig deep for our insults. And all past offenses suddenly become both fair game and directly related to the current argument.

And I just so happened to have a nice stash of his past offenses stored up for just such an occasion.

(Feeling unappreciated can do that to you.)

~

But here’s the deal.

In the back of mind, through all of this, a verse lingered.

It was our memory verse a few months back, and it here it was coming alive now, and bugging the junk out of me.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for men,” (Col 3:23)

Hmph.

So apparently, it doesn’t really matter whether or not Josh adequately appreciates me.

It makes no difference if he notices that I mopped or how clean the bathroom faucets are or that I finally scrubbed the orange scribbles off the bedroom door (which I haven’t actually done yet. Those scribbles aren’t going anywhere, and the culprit has yet to come forward.)

His appreciation of me is not what I should be working for because, ultimately, he’s not the One I am working for.

The Bible is clear on this.

My job here on this earth is to serve God, and, right now, serving Him primarily means serving my family.

Appreciated or not.

~

Josh is not perfect.

But, oh my goodness, neither am I.

There are days when we won’t appreciate each other as much as we should, and there are absolutely days when I will get my feelings hurt, let my thoughts run wild, and turn illogical, unhappy and quite unpleasant.

No. I do not have this one down yet.

Thankfully, though, lessons can be learned even in the middle of a big ol’ ugly mess.

(And I am definitely a mess.)

The thing is, Josh is a far better husband than I deserve, and most of the time his service to me far exceeds mine to him.

Like this:

If swinging with the kids after working all day so Mommy can clean the kitchen in peace isn’t appreciating your wife in action, then I don’t know what is.

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8 Comments:

March 19, 2014 at 14:02Andrea Garrison said:

Oh, Hannah! I am so sorry to hear about your hard week, If I lived closer oh, how I would love to come take care of your kids so you could rest. I do understand, there is a family here in Pullman, the mom was sick with 4 young kids to take care of while her husband is on the other side of the world on a mission trip. so I took the kids to church for her and cook meals so that would be one last thing for her to do, keep the kids 3 days this week for her as well. I am not a mom, but I do know how much work children can be how much harder it must be to do your job as a mom when you are sick. Praying for you…praying that Hattie will get well really soon.

Thank you, Andrea! I wish you could be here too, not just to help me with my kids (although that would be marvelous!) but so I could visit with you in person and my kids could get to know such an amazing woman. Your friends there in Pullman are blessed to have you!

Hannah, thank you so much for your transparency! Truly one of the most flesh-crucifying and painful truths that I have ever learned is that my husband wasn’t created to be my helpmeet. 🙁
Second most painful is the realization that he was not meant to meet my needs. It seems cliché, but for me to learn that Jesus alone is the source of my needs being met, has been one of the most liberating lessons and has changed my marriage. I still have my days where I feel sorry for myself, though, so feel free to give me a swift kick in the seat of the pants if you see me moping! LOL
Thank you for this reminder that I am not alone in my struggle to lay down my life to serve others. And thank you for reminding me that Jesus notices the sacrifices that we make. I, for one, needed to hear that today.

I don’t why it’s so easy to forget Jesus when I’m in the midst of a pity party. Or wait…maybe I do. I don’t want to think about Him because then I remember what he’s done for me, and then moping becomes a lot more difficult. And, sometimes, I just want to pout. 🙂
Marriage is such a lesson in humility, isn’t it? I never realized how much it would be or could be. I want to always remember that Jesus is my Provider, not Josh.
These lessons are hard. Thanks for sharing yours too. 🙂

Thank you…I needed to read this and hear it. With both of us working full time, him going to school and me basically being a single parent right now, I needed a dose of You’re not alone, both spiritually and physically.

I’m sorry, Jennifer, that does sound so difficult. I find that I’m at my worst when I feel lonely, and, of course, unappreciated. My mom has said to me plenty of times though, “When you’re feeling sorry for yourself, do something for someone else.” It takes the emphasis off yourself, and, honestly, it works. Maybe we both can try it this week. 🙂

Thank you! While I’m sorry your struggling through this it is also a little relief to me to know that we’re not alone in the struggles. I’m always so touched by your message each week. It’s so incite full and touches something I definitely need to work on every time. Thank you for this ministry!

I’m glad it encourages you, Sarah. It encourages me too that other people can relate. I think one of the biggest things that has inhibited my walk with Christ is not wanting other people to know that I struggle. I’ve hidden my faults from people for years, and now that they’re finally coming out (thanks, in part, to this silly blog), instead of feeling judged (as I was afraid I would) I feel so much freedom. God had our good in mind when He inspired James to write, “Confess your sins to one another…”