Reverse Bucket List of 5 Things I Will Not Do Before I Die

What’s a reverse bucket list? Well, everyone has a bucket list these days. It’s a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you die. We’ve all made long lists with stuff like zipline in Hawaii, swim with dolphins, or whitewater rafting in Colorado.

But what about the stuff you don’t ever want to do, the Reverse Bucket List? This list is the one you make after you’ve read all those other bucket lists and realized that you don’t need to jump off the highest mountain nor swim with man-eating beasts before you “kick the bucket.” This is my list of the 5 things I will not do before I die.

Reverse Bucket List – Perform on the Sway Pole

Unless you’ve watched Little Big Shots – Forever Young, you’ve probably never heard of the sway pole. Good for you. Now you’ll never be tempted to do something as ridiculous as balancing on your head atop a 80 foot pole that sways at 40 degree angles.

World Famous Carla Wallenda, extreme aerial daredevil, been performing on a sway pole for 52 years. She’s 81 years old.

Reverse Bucket List – Eat Haggis

Some people put exotic foods they want to eat on their bucket list. What about the crap you never want to try like haggis? Never heard of it? I nearly threw up looking at its picture. I’m burning down my kitchen if this ever gets near near my table.

Haggis is a type of pudding composed of the liver, heart, and lungs of a sheep, mixed with beef and oatmeal and seasoned with onions, cayenne peppers, and other spices. This mixture is then packed into a sheep’s stomach and boiled. Haggis is the national dish of Scotland and is usually accompanied by turnips and mashed potatoes.

Haggis is currently banned from being imported into the United States. In 1971, the US banned all foods that are made from animal lungs. Scotland has made several efforts to influence the US into lifting the ban on haggis and changing federal food safety regulations, but they have come up short each time.

Reverse Bucket List – Travel to Mars

Are you dying to go to Mars? Would it be worth giving up everything to go? People throw out in conversation rather flippantly, “Yeah, I’d like to go to Mars.” What?! Why?!

You would be weightless the entire trip and your muscles would turn to mush. You’d be stuck in a room the size of your bathroom. You’d be exposed to extreme levels of radiation. And scientists do not have the ability to get you back home. Not seeing the point to this.

I decided to ask the guys over at NASA just exactly how long it would take to get to Mars. According to nasa.gov,

The trip takes around seven months; a bit longer than astronauts currently stay on the International Space Station.

The precise duration of each journey depends on when it is taken. Because both Mars and Earth’s orbits are not perfectly circular, the time it takes to travel between them varies from six to eight months.

Reverse Bucket List – Visit Snake Island, Brazil

Want to go to a place where snakes outnumber humans? Try lha da Queimada Grande or Snake Island, Brazil. According to www.brightside.me

Hidden somewhere off the coast of Brazil, this island is widely recognized as the most dangerous place on the planet. The reason for this is quite simple — this place is full of one of the most venomous snakes in the world, Bothrops. Researchers estimate that about five snakes per square meter live on the island. There are several stories of people succumbing to the deadly predators in no time at all. One of these stories recalls a lighthouse keeper who was attacked by the snakes and died. Snake Island’s lighthouse has been automated ever since that fatality, and the Brazilian government has prohibited any visitors from setting foot there.

Reverse Bucket List – Ride an Ostrich

Friends say things like, “I’d love to ride a wild horse or an elephant or a camel. It’s on my bucket list.” Do you really? Perhaps an ostrich is more your style.

Did you know that an ostrich is one of the largest and heaviest birds in the world? Sure they can’t fly but can reach speeds of 90 km per hour. They have claws, peck and kick. I’ll pass.

Great post! Still laughing about the haggis! Sounds/looks disgusting! I’m with you 100% on this list. But I’d add a few of my own. Bungee jumping, sky diving, zip-lining. Yeah, I’m pretty much a wuss about just about anything “dare devilly.” And I’m really tired of hearing about 80 yo showoffs climbing Mt. Everest, swaying on a sway pole, base jumping… Whatever… 🙂

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Stacey Gustafson is the bestselling author of Are You Kidding Me? My Life With an Extremely Loud Family, Bathroom Calamities, and Crazy Relatives, ranked #1 Amazon in Parenting & Family Humor and Motherhood. She’s also an inspirational speaker, blogger and comedian. Her short stories have appeared in Chicken Soup for the Soul, seven books in the Not Your Mother’s Book series, as well as Midlife Boulevard, Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, Pleasanton Patch, Bay Woof, and Better After 50. She writes the blog, Are You Kidding Me?, where she dispenses her humorous take on kids, husbands, parents and everything in between.

She has been featured in The Monthly, East Bay’s Premier Magazine of Culture and Commerce as “The New Erma Bombeck,” The East Bay Times, and Toastmasters Magazine.

Her awards include Erma Bombeck Humor Writer of the Month, California Writers Club, Tri-Valley Branch, winner of 2015 Prose Contest, Semi-Finalist in the 2015 Kindle Book Awards, Advanced Toastmaster Bronze award, and Best Comic of the Month at Tommy T’s Comedy Club. She performs stand-up throughout the East Bay.

She lives in Pleasanton, CA with her college sweetheart, Mike, and a white furball named Stanley who loves peanut butter treats. Visit her popular blog at StaceyGustafson.com, Facebook @StaceyGustafsonWriter, and Twitter @RUKiddingStacey.

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