The European Commission presented last week a revolutionary Winter Package to tackle Climate Change in a unseen push for action after a surreal stream of events unfurled in the EU Headquarters. After streaming a hologram from his apartment in The United Islands of Paradise – in an attempt to equal the performance of his secret lover Melenchon, Juncker managed to kickstart a revolutionary political momentum backed by the Commission in an unseen confusing but weirdly effective manner, by only stumbling “I have a wish to express. There is nothing wrong with that” at an EU leader roundtable last week.

Because of a Russian botnet attack on the unsecured networks of the Agenda Management IT Infrastructure of the European Commission, the EU leaders found themselves instead present at the High Level Group on Tackling Climate Change – an industrial think thank operating within DG Historical Archives Service – to further debate the wish of Juncker.