Alice is a tattooist by day who fights the patriarchy as a loud and proud punk by night. She's been reviewing gigs for a while, but thought it was time to give this columnist thing a go. Send her gigs and anarchist proclamations at alice.worley@outlook.com.

Oi, Canberra. Why haven’t you been supporting your local bands like I always tell people you do so well? Where are you? Stop hiding and get to more shows, okay? OKAY?! Okay. Back to business.

Saw Ocean Party play at Phoenix with Dog Name, Territory and Danger Beach. I got some serious Smashing Pumpkins vibes from O.P, which is another way of saying I was really into it. One of their toms was badly damaged on the way to the Canberra gig, so they decided to auction it off to make some extra scratch, each member signing it and also writing “KORN” on the side, making it all the more desirable. As soon as they threw in copies of all 6 of their vinyls, the bidding got a bit more aggressive. And I won. Thanks for throwing in a free shirt on top of that, it was much appreciated. But I’ve already managed to get tea on it. Sorry, guys.

Major Leagues had a show at Transit Bar and it went off. The place was already pretty packed when Teen Jesus and the Jean Teasers opened, so by the time Moaning Lisa had finished their set, the bar was pretty full. I had listened to but never seen Major Leagues before, and I wasn’t disappointed. They played to their audience so well. Sweet, but still badass. Humble, but owned their stage. So happy that they’ve been announced as the secret headliner for Sad Grrrls Fest this year.

Suburban Haze played at LoBrow to a pretty petit crowd, probably chased away by the freezing cold. PJ Johnson was a great opener for the night. Everything this guy does is just beautiful and so absorbing and mesmerising to watch.

Rumblr was a strange addition, and the band was just way too loud. Everyone had their fingers in their ears because to listen otherwise was literally painful. And to sing a song about loving to eat meat to a primarily vegan/vegetarian crowd was a bit off. Know your audience, guys.

Slagatha Christie did a fucking Spice Girls cover and it was brilliant. Didn’t think you guys could top that Taylor Swift cover but I was so very wrong. Also the Slags have recorded! You should check it out.

As for Suburban Haze, they had a nice sound and I certainly didn’t hate the set, but I think they might’ve been a bit too wasted to be playing their best, and I’ll leave it at that.

Can I just make a public request that LoBrow get a rail to go with their stairs? It’s a lot of stairs, and some gig attendants don’t do great with lots of stairs because their bodies just aren’t made for them. Gigs should be easily accessible to all. Thanks.

Finally, there was a killer line-up at the Phoenix on the 26th. Marlon Bando, Needledick, Sleeping Dogs, Dalmacia, and Bo Loser. How great does that sound? If you weren’t there, you really missed out, especially with Marlon Bando. The fact that Lachlan can do an entire song crowd surfing, even while being held upside down, and not miss a beat, is basically why I love Marlon Bando gigs.

Needledick’s set (by the way, great set guys) reminded us all that despite how great our scene and our people are, there will always be dickheads trying to ruin our good time. Unfortunately one such dickhead wasn’t kicked out before he hit a woman in the face and caused a pretty generous amount of blood to gush from her nose. You, mate, are a fuckwit, and you aren’t wanted here.