Only four days into NSOP, the Class of 2021 has already zeroed in on a small group of freshmen who could potentially become “That Guy.”

“Right now, there are definitely a few candidates who are sticking out,” Wyatt Grinchell CC ‘21 said. “there’s that one dude who rides a Ripstik everywhere, and there’s that kid who keeps eating his food in a fucking tree.”

“Oh, and I’ve also heard talk of a sleeper candidate,” Grinchell continued, “who apparently repeatedly plays air guitar and sings ‘Love Shack’ by the B-52’s. If the rumors are true, that would truly be something special.”

“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”