Wednesday, July 15, 2009

What kind of advice did [prison consultant Herb Hoelter] give to Madoff? “It’s a matter of keeping your space and having respect for other people,” Hoelter said. The key for inmates like Madoff is to “bring some meaning to your life.” He said that can be done in many ways, including becoming a GED teacher to other inmates. “He’s sensitive enough and smart enough,” Hoelter said of Madoff. “I don’t think anyone who knows him would be surprised that he will do some good things.”

Other "prison consultants" disagree.

Steven Oberfest, a prison consultant and partner in the firm PrisonCoach.com, takes a different tack. “[I]t’s a general, nasty, medium-security-type prison. I couldn’t see him functioning as well there,” Oberfest told WSJ’s Paul Glader.

“I’m concerned for Madoff. There is so much info about his wife. His wife’s name. His kids. All this stuff is out there. When you are in there and around a group of people, they will say things like, ‘Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.’ Things like that,” he said. “It’s like a big poker game. He’s walking in with his cards showing and everyone else is holding their cards. He definitely goes in with a disadvantage.”

Of course, I was a bit unclear as to what, exactly, a "prison consultant" is, so I visited the site referenced above, Prison Coach.com (motto: "Be Prepared, Not Scared"), and sure enough, you can pay for a prison consultant to "coach" you in "incarceration preparation." Focusing mainly on white-collar criminals (duh), the coaches offer variouslevels of service available in silver, gold and platinum packages. And check this out:

Special Programs for 18-22 year olds, Homosexuals and Women heading to prison for the first time is HIGHLY RECOMENDED (sic). After our Program, you will not fear the unexpected; you will ease into a new way of living and eventually return to society - where you belong.

LOL. Absolutely outstanding. I now know what I'm going to do when I leave academia for good.