7 "Tips" I Can't Stand Any More

Note: This post is utterly devoid of value. It’s a venting rant. You have been warned. Here are seven tips that, if I hear them any more, may force me to stab myself in the face:

‘Write what your readers want’. Really. Never would’ve thoughta that.

‘Brand generates customer loyalty’. True since 0 BC, when my ancestors ignored a guy with much better branding. We’ve paid for it ever since. Why do folks say that and then puff up like they just revolutionized advertising?

‘Write copy that attracts links’. Nah. I’m going to specifically write copy that repels links. I tell all my clients to do that.

‘Write great content’. Wow. I didn’t get this the first 1,202,123 times someone wrote it, but now I do! I’ll stop writing boring B.S. now. Thanks!!!

‘Companies should talk to customers’. When I see how some companies talk to their customers I question this. But it really makes me twitch when a blogger says this one day and then says companies “can’t converse” the next.

‘Persuade key influencers’. I won’t even dignify that one with an answer.

‘Cultivate emotional involvement in your brand’. Walk up to me and say that in person. I dare you.

If you find yourself writing these tips in a blog post, try not writing anything instead. Everyone with a smidgen of intelligence already knows them. There are closer to 7,000 stupid, overused, useless tips flying around in the marketing world. If you have a few, feel free to post ’em in comments.

Ian Lurie is CEO and founder of Portent and the EVP of Marketing Services at Clearlink. He's been a digital marketer since the days of AOL and Compuserve (25 years, if you're counting). He's recorded training for Lynda.com, writes regularly for the Portent Blog and has been published on AllThingsD, Smashing Magazine, and TechCrunch. Ian speaks at conferences around the world, including SearchLove, MozCon, Seattle Interactive Conference and ad:Tech. He has published several books about business and marketing: One Trick Ponies Get Shot, available on Kindle, The Web Marketing All-In-One Desk Reference for Dummies, and Conversation Marketing. Follow him on Twitter at portentint, and on LinkedIn at LinkedIn.com/in/ianlurie.

I guess there wouldn’t be any need to keep repeating these tips if everyone was actually following them. They’re certainly revolutionary for some people though I wouldn’t accuse them of not having a smidgen of intelligence. That’s far from constructive.