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Be Nice or Be Gone

Carolyn Magner is not a professional therapist, shrink or even a very nice person. Her advice is meant to entertain you, not solve your terrible, desperate problems. Email Carolyn at cmagner@randallreilly.com.

I’ve been dating a new guy for about three months now and everything is going well. He’s smart, cute, funny and ambitious. He also owns his own truck and is about to buy two more trucks and start a small company. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that when we go out to eat he’s rude and unpleasant to the server. Last night he made our waitress cry because she forgot to refill his tea. I tried to talk to him about it but he says that he’s just honest with his opinion and that if he doesn’t correct their bad service, they will ultimately fail at the job. I’m too embarrassed to talk to any of my friends about this.

What do you think?

Sally

Dear Sally,

I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat people they consider beneath them. As a former waitress, I can say that my advice may be a little colored by the boiling red rage that’s swirling around me as I write this reply. So, ahem, you have been warned. Here goes:

Dump. Him. Now.

I’m just say’n.

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.”

Alexander Graham Bell

Trust is key in long-distance relationships

Dear Carolyn,

I accidentally saw a text message on my husband’s phone when I was cleaning out his truck. It was from an old high school girlfriend that lives in another state. I had no idea they were in contact. There was nothing flirty in the messages but just the fact that he didn’t mention her makes me feel sick. Should I confront him with this or will he be rightfully mad that I invaded his privacy?

Jill

Dear Jill,

Tell him what you saw and ask him for a full explanation. You can’t be a trucking wife if you can’t trust your long-distance relationship. How would he feel if you had male friends he didn’t know about?

This is not to say that men and women can’t be friends, it just needs to be all out in the open. This may be completely innocent, or it may be something that needs to be nipped in the bud.

I’m just say’n.

Take it one day at a time

Dear Carolyn,

Can people change? I’ve been reading you for a long time and you seem like an optimistic gal. I don’t think you’d be giving all the advice about eating healthy, getting fit, improving your mind and such if you didn’t believe it. So please answer honestly. I want to change my unhealthy ways but I don’t know if it’s truly possible.

Frank

Dear Frank,

Yes and I don’t know.

Yes, I have seen people change for the better. I have seen hardcore smokers decide to quit and never pick up another cigarette. I’ve interviewed truckers who have lost more than 100 pounds by changing to a healthy diet and adding simple exercise routines to their daily life. I’ve talked to readers who went back to college and pursued their dreams. In my own life, I’ve kicked addictions and overcome limitations.

I don’t know if you can change your life. I can say that the ones who succeed say they made the decision quietly and then pushed through all the obstacles, one day at a time. Everything is possible if you can imagine it.