Saturday, May 21, 2011

Top 11 New Names For Lake Calhoun

The Minneapolis Parks Board, in a fit of political correctness is considering renaming lake Calhoun. The lake is currently named after Vice President John C. Calhoun, a supporter of slavery. In an attempt to come up with a more politically correct name, we propose:

11. Lake Wellstone

10. Target Lake (it may not be politically correct, but the naming rights may help solve the city's budget woes)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Nihilist Administration Hypothetical: The bin Laden Takedown

One of the frustrating things about the bin Laden killing was watching the Obama administration's gaffes in describing the actual takedown operation. Early accounts placed him with a weapon and using a woman for a shield. Later accounts went back and forth about weather the woman was one of his wifes, then it came out that she wasn't being used as a shield. Next we learned that he wasn't armed, but appeared to be resisting. As if anyone cares why US forces killed the man that any decent American wanted killed (decent Americans obviously excluding Rashard Mendenhal and Rosie O'Donnell).

This situation made me daydream about how the corrections would have gone in a Nihilist administration.

Release 1: Navy seals swarmed the bin Laden compound; he was armed, used a woman as a shield, but the US forces shot him in the face

Release 2: It turns out bin Laden wasn't armed. And he wasn't using the woman as a shield. No big deal, he didn't give any of the people in the world trade center any mercy, so he got what he deserved.

Release 3: US forces broke into the bin Laden compound and found him watching kiddie porn. He begged for his life, denouncing Allah while crying and screaming like a girl. Ultimately he offered to perform fellacio on the US servicemen who shot him in the face in a fit of disgust.