#WTFWednesday: Super Sucker 2.0 Male Masturbator

When looking for a new sex toy it’s always advised to search the options. After all, you never know what you might find.

In this case, while looking for innovative male masturbators I found something totally effed up… it’s called the Super Sucker 2.0 by Doc Johnson, and considering the manufacturer, I can’t say I’m surprised.

As for why I think it should cease to exist…

1.) When I first saw images of it (upper left) I thought it was a cute sock puppet worm thing. Kinda like an albino version of the worm Oscar the grouch had. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why something so adorable and puppet like was on a sex toy site.

Then I clicked on the image and realized a dick is supposed to go inside it… so that a person can jerk off… and finish in its wormy mouth.

Um, what?

Maybe it’s just me, but judging by the image on the upper right I can’t imagine it doing anything other than angrily #NOMNOMNOMNOM-ing away on your cock like PacMan chasing ghosts. And that kinda scares me.

2.) I get it, people have foot fetishes, shoe fetishes, and even boot fetishes, there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, considering my collection of shoes on Pinterest, some might say I have a bit of a fetish going on myself… but here’s the thing, the way the boot sits all propped up like that, looking like something you’d hang on a mantle for Christmas morning, makes my mind go to dark images of Santa doing not so nice things with naughty Moms and Dads. Ugh. No. Just no. Someone needs to do away with this image asap.

3.) Removing the bullet certainly helps dilute the ‘that’s not a real sex toy’ factor, however it also makes it look like a bone. The kind you’d see in cartoons with dogs. Which doesn’t exactly make it come off as ‘sexy’ or ‘fuckable’.

And now that I can see the end, with NO hole, I’m left pondering where or how it is that a dick gets inside… and if the end is closed, how exactly does one thoroughly clean it? You can’t run water through it like a Fleshlight, and turning it inside out seems like it might be tedious, let alone potentially ruining it. Ah, design flaws, how I love thee.

4.) Being that I’ve tried and tested well over 200 sex toys I can certainly say that appearances can be deceiving, and for the most part, a picture doesn’t show you the true size of most toys. Taking that into consideration I’m going to assume that the hole is larger than the one you see on the right. Because if it’s not, it may not be the most enjoyable experience.

Sure, it’ll likely stretch quite a bit, but that just looks uncomfortable. Of course I don’t have a cock, and therefore can’t really say for all certainty that would be the case, but common, look at it… do you really think you’d fit in there? comfortably? Nope.

Aside from that, since it’s made of UR3 material (which isn’t the most sturdy), I’d give it about a month of use before it starts ripping with each thrust, gets sticky, tacky, and starts to peel, or just plain ‘ol falls apart. A good sex toy that does not make.

5.) The picture to the left makes it look like a sad little horsey with pretty eyelashes, while the one to the lower right makes it look like a stump horned Unicorn. Cute.

I realize that in a world where manufacturers are in it just to make a quick buck, things like the Super Sucker 2.0 will get made… and they’ll do so without so much as a second thought or glance. So, it’s up to YOU the consumer to know the difference between good quality and bad.