Teenagers. Can you blame them for having the most backwards logic in the world? Not knowing if today would be cool or warm, Patricia and Marcy dressed for both, making sure those hot pants were indeed cozy thanks to crochet.

Lucy has always been mad at pockets. They’re just too small, y’know? So one day, she had a thought: What if I had a shirt that just, like, had one huge pocket. Like just a big pocket. She’d been smoking a lot of weed recently.

It was mustachioed Mark’s idea that everyone wear these outfits for their double-date. Amy’s brother Mike’s friend — Sheryl — who lives in New York and goes to clubs all the time, had said this is what everyone at Studio 54 was wearing.

The belted sweater might have ended up becoming a fashion craze, but it all began with this man, Jacques Stromboli, a man so sexy sexy that his clothes were known to spontaneously fall off. And so he was forced to belt his sweaters as extra protection.

Nervous but eager for tonight’s cocktail party, Jeremy practiced his smoothest faces of seduction in the mirror of his bedroom, admiring how the vertical knit of his turtleneck made his torso look dy-no-mite. But something was missing. And so Jeremy swiped a necklace from his mom (a middle school art teacher), making his look complete.