The Poet

In which Gilbert does his best to reunite a poor orphaned refugee with the fortune left to her by her father, while attempting to teach her how to write poetry... with somewhat mixed results.

Cast of characters

Gilbert Murray – aspiring poet.

Queeneth Bakayoko – allegedly an orphaned refugee, and heir to a fortune.

Sir John Newman – Director of a security company in the Ivory Coast.

Dr George Edward – President of the security company.

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: HI PLEASE RESPOND

Sent: Fri, 28 Jul 2003 13:46:09

Dearest one,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. We got your contact from computerised data following my effort searching for a trustworthy person to assist us.

I am QUEENETH BAKAYOKO, the only daughter of late Mr and Mrs PHILIPE BAKAYOKO and my Brother PATRICK BAKAYOKO. Our father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in Abidjan, the economic capital of Ivory Coast, before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outings to discuss a business deal.

When our mother died on the 21 October 1984, our father took me and my junior sister special because we are motherless. Before the death of our father on 30 June 2001 in a private hospital here in Abidjan, he secretly called us on his bedside and told us that he has a sum of $20,000.000 (twenty million United States dollars) deposited in a private security company here in his name.

He also explained to us that it was because of this wealth and some huge amount of money his business associates supposed to balance him from the deal they had that he was poisoned by his business associates, that we should seek for a God fearing foreign partner in a country of our choice who can assist us in claiming this fund from the security company for us for investment purposes and use it for investment purpose, such as real estate management.

But because of the present political problems in this country, Cote d’Ivoire, we want to transfer the money out of the country as we don’t know what might happen next.

We are honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

To act as the foreign partner of our late father by claiming this fund from the security company for further transfer and investment to your designated bank account abroad.

Moreover, we are willing to offer you 5% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designated account in your country overseas.

Anticipating to hear from you soon.

Thanks and God Bless.

Best regards,

QUEENETH AND PATRICK BAKAYOKO

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: In response to your email

Sent: Wed, 01 Oct 2003 17:31:44

Dear Ms Bakayoko

I am writing in response to the most interesting email that you sent to me a while ago. I must apologise for my tardiness in responding, but my computer has been playing up recently and I have only just managed to get it fixed and access my emails. It has taken me days to work through them all. Your email certainly captured my attention – the story of your murdered father tugged at my heart strings and I have to admit, I shed a few tears thinking of you and your poor orphaned brother.

I do not know how you obtained my personal email address. However, if it is not too late – I realise that you may already have found another person to help you out, given the lateness of my response – I am keen to help you in whatever way I can.

Please note that I am in a position to be able to devote both time and money (if any is required) towards helping you out – like you, my late father left me a large amount of money in his will, which has been sufficient for me to live an independent and comfortable life, without the need to resort to working. I therefore have both time and money on my hands, and am willing to do whatever it takes to help you and your brother out of your current predicament.

If you require my assistance, please email me back with further details.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We thank you for your willingness to assist us

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 15:19:22 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Gilbert Murray,

We thank you very much for your prompt response. We also thank you for your willingness and your concerned about the murder of our parent, may that not come to us again in Jesus’ name, Amen. However, we still haven’t find a reliable person to assist us to secure the money from the security company, for you know that to find a God fearing and trustworthy someone is very hard now, we cannot jump into contact like that. It is after our seven days fasting and prayers that you come in revelation to us, when we went for searching of a reliable person who will assist us secure the money from the security company where it was deposited and we so much believe God that you will respond to our proposal one day.

The funds in question is the only tangible thing we inherited from our late father. We have not handled such funds before, we are novices in the fields of investment, we have nobody to run to, we cannot go to the streets or the media houses in search of people who will assist us, we cannot expose the transactions anyhow for our security and the security of the funds as well, hence the reason why we contacted you for assistance.

Human beings are unpredictable. Specifically, in monetary affairs, somebody might be pretending that he is going to help you, while at the back of his mind, he will be nursing another thing. Help us to get the funds secured from the security company, help us to invest the funds in a lucrative business venture. The funds, if properly invested, will be for our future. If you know the kind of assistance you can render to your children, extend it to us. Accommodate us as members of your family.

Presently, the funds are still in the vault of the security company here where it is presently lodged for safety and not in the bank. Your presence will therefore be needed here for familiarisation, to ascertain the authenticity of our claims, to assist us in clearing the consignment and to participate in every sphere of the transaction for a hitch free transfer of the funds from here. Upon your arrival here a non resident account will be opened on your name in one of the banks here where the funds will be lodged after clearance from the security company for onward transfer to the overseas account you will provide for the proposed investment. The transaction is 100% risk free and it will only take us three working days to be concluded here and all of us will fly back with you.

Cote d’Ivoire, where the consignment is presently lodged, is in the western part of Africa. It is a tourist country and over 25% of the entire population are foreigners.

We can fax you all the documents concerning the deposit for your verification. We therefore solicit for your direct telephone and fax numbers for easy communications. Finally, kindly get back to us as to let us know your willingness and readiness to assist in this transaction.

We will be waiting for your immediate response.

We remain yours sincerely,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I will do all I can to help you

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 15:27:29

Dear Ms Bakayoko,

Thank you for your email. While I feel sadness that you have not yet found a way out of your predicament, my heart is gladdened by the thought that I will have the honour of being able to help you out.

You say that you have fasted and prayed for seven days and seven nights in hope of finding a suitable person to help you? Well, I am delighted to be the answer to your prayers. With my help, I am sure that we will be able to solve all of your problems.

By the way, now that your prayers have been answered, I suggest that you and your brother start eating again straight away. You do not want to become ill, do you?

You have not given me many details of yourself and your brother. How old are you and Patrick? Where are you living at the moment, with both your parents dead? What do you do to make a living?

I can understand that you are concerned to find the right sort of person to help you out, and to avoid getting involved with anyone who may have ulterior motives. I would like to reassure you that I am a decent, honourable and honest man by providing you with more details of myself.

As I said in my previous email, I am a man of independent means, thanks to the industriousness of my father, who made his fortune breeding sporrans in the Highlands of Scotland. Nasty bad-tempered little beasties they are, but my father devoted his life to them, and they provided him with his fortune. When my father died ten years ago I had no wish to move into the sporran business, so I sold the family business for an extremely large sum of money. I invested the money wisely and have been living comfortably off the interest ever since. So, my dear, I am in an ideal position to give you advice on how to invest your inheritance.

As I am lucky enough not to have to work to earn a living, I now spend my time writing poetry. Poetry is my one true love in life. I have managed to get some of my poems published in my local church magazine, but as yet success with the wider public has eluded me. One thing I hope to be able to do with the money that I will make from this transaction is to set up my own poetry publishing house, so that I can publish my own work and also promote the work of other struggling poets. I think this will be a noble way to spend the money.

I live a solitary life in an isolated cottage in the middle of the Lincolnshire fens, and see very few people from day to day. This enables me to concentrate my mind fully on my poetry. I spend most days sitting at my desk composing poems. My poetry is my life.

I hope you do not mind, but when I read your story yesterday, I was so moved that I felt inspired to write a poem about it. I call it “The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick”:

“THE BALLAD OF QUEENETH AND PATRICK”

Alas, poor Queeneth and Patrick Bakayoko

Whose father made a fortune from dealing in cocoa

He was a cocoa merchant in the Ivory Coast

To him the local business community would often raise a toast

For Philipe was a good man who was based in Abidjan

And you would have to go a long way to find a more honest man

But Philipe met his maker when his colleagues poisoned him to death

But he called for Queeneth and Patrick and with his dying breath

He told them he had left them a huge and secret stash

Of twenty million dollars, and all of it in cash

“Find a foreigner you can trust,” he said, “who is honest straight and true

And who is in a position to be able to help you

Get the money out of the country, this should be the arrangement

And invest it in something lucrative, like real estate management”

Then Philipe groaned and lay back down, the poison took a hold

And he died there in the hospital bed, all blue and stiff and cold

So Queeneth and her brother sought a foreigner for assistance

And they came upon a helpful man, through much trouble and persistence

They offered him a percentage to transfer the money overseas

And when he said he’d help them, Queeneth and Patrick were both pleased

The money transfer went ahead with success and with great speed

And Queeneth and her brother lived the rest of their lives happily.

I hope you like the poem. I often find myself inspired by the things that happen to me from day to day, but your sad tale provided me with a special kind of inspiration. It took me nearly five hours last night to compose this poem, and I believe it is one of the finest pieces I have yet written.

You say that you can fax me the documents relating to the deposit. I would appreciate this very much. However, I live in a very isolated cottage, surrounded by marshland, in an extremely remote part of England, and my cottage is not connected up to the telephone network. I therefore have no access to telephone or fax, and have to conduct all my communications via email, using a satellite link-up. I trust that this will not be a hindrance to us? Would it be at all possible for you to scan in the documents you refer to, and attach them to an email?

You also mentioned in your email that I would need to travel to the Ivory Coast in order to help you out with this business. This will be no problem. I am sure that I can arrange suitable flights. I have never been to the Ivory Coast, or indeed to any part of Africa, and I am sure that such a trip would be most pleasurable. It will also be a pleasure to meet you and your brother in person. And I am sure that such a trip will provide me with some marvellous inspiration for my poetry.

Before I go any further, I must tell you that unfortunately I will be unavailable from Tuesday 7 October until Wednesday 15 October. This is because I am travelling to America to attend an International Poetry Convention in New York. This is unavoidable. However, I would like to reassure you that as soon as I return from New York, I will apply myself to helping you out with vigour.

I look forward to hearing from you, my dear, and to receiving the documents you referred to.

Best regards to you and your brother Patrick,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Uncle, contact the security company

Sent: Thu, 02 Oct 2003 18:43:52 +0200 (CEST)

Dear respectfully Gilbert Murray,

Many thanks for your email, uncle, we are so happy for your quick response to our mail, sir, the poem is very fantastic, we really want to read another ones. We are thanking God because he have finally answered our prayers, the bible said that prayers changeth all situations and that is it.

In answer to your question, we don’t want to become ill, not that we are not eating since our prayers and fasting was finished, we are eating, but we are not feeding well, why because we don’t have anybody here to assist us. Uncle, I am 20 years and my brother is 18 years old now, we are now residing in the city called Abidjan where the consignment was deposited with a security company vault for safe keeping. We are able to stay with a Liberian refugee camp here in Abidjan.

Meanwhile, we don’t have anything doing for now, but I service at a restaurant just to see that we are feeding. All our hope is for this money to be secured from the security company and lodged into a bank so that it will be transferred into your bank account for onward investment.

In continuation of more detail in this very transaction, uncle, the worst is that the political problem here in Cote d’Ivoire is becoming worster every blessed day, so we have to hurry up as to enable us move this money out from Africa to your bank account in your country. Please sir, the attached is the deposit documents which was issued to my late father on the day of deposit, also my ID card, see for more details.

Also uncle, we will like you to contact the security company after going through the vital documents, telling that you are our late father’s foreign business partner who will be coming for the claim of the consignment deposited under their custody for safekeeping. Ask them to let you know what we need to do before we can have access to the box.

Uncle, we will appreciate if you will be able to reach the company today so that we shall know where we stop before your travelling to USA, please get back to us as soon as you contact the security company.

May the almighty God bless you abundantly and give you more wisdom to compose more poems so that our hearts shall keep on rejoicing till everything is concluded and both of us will meet together and became one family.

This is the security company contact information.

Contact person: Director, Sir John Newman

Telephone: + 225 05 89 77 33

Email: globalsecuritymanagement@voila.fr

Kindly contact them as soon as you got this message so that we shall forge ahead.

Thank you for your email, and for sending me the documentation relating to your father’s deposit. I am so glad that I will be able to help you and your poor poverty-stricken brother. I am pleased to hear that you are not completely destitute, and that at least you have a job and food on the table. I was afraid that you and your brother would be living on the streets.

I am glad you liked my poem. I am giving a recital of my work at the International Poetry Convention in New York next week. I think I will add “The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick” to my repetoire. I am very proud of the work, and I am sure that it will be well-received by the audience.

I really appreciated getting your feedback on my poetry. May I say, you come across as a young lady of impeccable breeding and taste. I think your father would have been proud of you, had he not been poisoned to death by his evil colleagues. What poison did they use, if you do not mind me asking? I expect that his death was rather unpleasant, whatever it was. You have my sympathy.

You mentioned that you would like to read some more of my poetry. Well, thank you! I would be only too delighted to send you some. I lead a very isolated life here and it is rare that I get the opportunity to share my poetry with others. I would appreciate it very much if you would agree to give me your opinions on some of my other work.

With this in mind, here is another poem that I intend to recite at the International Poetry Convention next week. As I said in my last email, I often find myself inspired by the everyday things that happen to me. I like to think that my poetry shines a light of beauty and wonder onto what at first seem like mundane and boring things. This is one such poem. I would appreciate your thoughts on it:

“CLEANING THE FLOOR”

There in the middle of the kitchen I stand

With my big mop in my hand

And as I see the dirt that has been brought in from the street

I look down to the mop bucket at my feet

It is full of hot water and detergent

The floor is very dirty and cleaning it is urgent

The mop dips in the water and then I wring it out

And then I start to clean the floor and move the dirt about

I wonder as I mop the floor “How did it get so dirty?

Did the dirt come off my brown suede shoes, or was it my dog Bertie?”

And then I see that the floor represents my whole life

And every little grain of dirt represents trouble, grief and strife

I can mop the kitchen floor clean, but how can I be more happy

When everything around me is dull and boring and crappy?

Well a mop won’t help, that’s for sure.

I do not actually have a dog called Bertie, you understand. That is what we call “poetic licence”.

I shall compose an email today and send it to the security company as you asked.

Wishing all the best to you and your brother.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: FAO John Newman – Re. Bakayoko’s millions

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 09:08:41

Dear Mr Newman,

I am writing to you regarding a consignment you have lodged with you under the name of “Philip Bakayoko”, a resident of the Ivory Coast. I am a foreign business partner of the late Mr Bakayoko, who was most inconveniently poisoned to death by his business partners some time ago. Not by me, I hasten to add. I am not that kind of business partner.

As the deceased Mr Bakayoko’s business partner, I would like to claim the security boxes. Their content need not concern you. Suffice to say that they contain something of great personal interest to me, which the expired Mr Bakayoko would wish me to have.

I am planning to travel to the Ivory Coast to collect the consignment from your offices. Please respond and let me know what procedures I must follow in order to do this.

Unfortunately I will be unavailable from now until Wednesday 15 October – I am attending a convention in the USA. However, I intend to travel to the Ivory Coast as soon as possible following my return.

I look forward to your prompt response.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 14:31:28

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to inform you that I contacted the security company this morning, but that I have not heard back from them yet.

To keep you informed of my movements, I am spending this afternoon composing a poem about a particularly fine tree that I saw the other day. I am travelling to visit my sick aunt tonight, where I am spending the weekend, and I will back home on Monday, getting ready for my trip to America on Tuesday. I should therefore be able to catch up on things briefly on Monday before my flight.

May I wish you and your brother a fine weekend in the refugee camp.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your efforts, we wishes you safe journey!!!!

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 16:19:32 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Many thanks for your message, we are very happy that you contacted the security company so quick, this shows us that you care for us truly, may the God almighty who knows everything continue to guide you and family all the days of your life in Jesus’ name.

However, uncle, let’s wait and hear from them. Meanwhile, we wish you safe journey and pray that your journey shall be as you planned it to be.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: A poem to cheer up your weekend

Sent: Fri, 03 Oct 2003 15:37:31

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email and for your kind wishes. I am touched by your concern for me.

I am just about to leave to visit my sick aunt. Before I go, here is another one of my poems to cheer up your weekend. I consider this to be one of my finest works, and I am intending to include this poem in my recital in New York next week. I was inspired to write it by a painting I have hanging in my lounge.

“PAINTING OF A WOMAN”

Oh wonderful woman up there on the wall

It’s a shame you’re not real, I can’t touch you at all

Your eyes are so bright and your hair is so long

When I look at you I feel like breaking out in song

Oh wonderful woman above the gas fire

If I stood on a chair I could hang you up higher

The glow of your skin is like a ripe juicy peach

Oh why are you so completely out of my reach?

Oh wonderful woman in a frame dark and brown

When I decorate the lounge I will have to take you down

But once I’ve repainted the first thing I’ll do

Is to hang you back up on the wall of the flue

Oh wonderful woman, please transform my home

It’s bereft of real women, just me here alone

My life is so empty, with no woman to cherish

And that’s how it will be from now until I perish.

I will catch up on my email on Monday before I leave for America on Tuesday. Wishing you and your destitute brother all the best.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: WELCOME TO GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY ABIDJAN

Sent: Sat, 04 Oct 2003 21:08:10 +0200 (CEST)

ATTENTION TO GILBERT MURRAY.

SIR,

THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE OUR RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL CONCERNING KNOWING THE INFORMATION ABOUT A CONSIGNMENT DEPOSITED BY THE MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO IN OUR SECURITY VAULTS FOR SAFE KEEPING.

IN DETAILS, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MAKE A CHANGE OF THE BENEFICIARY/OWNERSHIP OF THE BOX TO YOUR NAME OFFICIALLY IN OUR ORGANISATION BEFORE WE CAN RELEASE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING ANY CONSIGNMENTS IN OUR SECURITY VAULTS TO YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A TOTAL STRANGER FOR NOW UNTIL YOU’RE MADE THE NEW BENEFICIARY.

THE PROCEEDURES/REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CHANGE OF NAME ARE AS FOLLOWS:

YOUR FULL NAME AND CONTACT ADDRESS INCLUDING YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.

YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER.

LEGAL PROCESSING FEE OF 5,500 EUROS ONLY FOR THE PROCESSING AND OBTAINANCE OF THE CHANGE OF NAME DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME BY OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/ACCESS TO THE CONSIGNMENT.

YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AS THAT WILL BE THE FASTEST WAY TO RECEIVE MONEY FROM ABROAD BY THE NAME OF MY SECRETARY:

NAME: AMBROSE LOUIS

COUNTRY: COTE D’IVOIRE

CITY: ABIDJAN

IMMEDIATELY YOU ARE THROUGH IN TRANSFERRING THE MONEY, SEND THE RECEIVER INFORMATIONS TO US, AND UPON CONFIRMATION OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS, OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WILL PROCEED TOWARDS MAKING THE CHANGE OF NAME WHICH IS DONE WITHIN 24 HOURS.

WE SHALL ALSO MAKE A FULL CALCULATION TO KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH DEMURRAGE COST/DEPOSIT CHARGE THE CONSIGNMENT HAS ACCUMULATED AND EVERY OTHER INFORMATION RELATING TO THE CONSIGNMENT SHALL BE GIVEN TO YOU FOR YOUR PERUSAL IMMEDIATELY THE CHANGE OF NAME IS DONE.

THE AUTHORITY OF THE BOARD OF THE DIRECTORS OF THE GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT IS TO REALISE OR SHIP THE CONSIGNMENT WHICH WAS DEPOSITED BY THE COSTUMERS IN OUR COMPANY, TO THE DESTINATION WHERE HE/SHE WILL ADVISE THE COMPANY TO SHIP THE CONSIGNMENT TO HIM/HER, SO IF YOU ARE COMING FOR TO CLAIM YOUR CONSIGNMENT, YOU ARE WELCOME. IF YOU ALSO WILL LIKE THE COMPANY TO SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT THROUGH DIPLOMATIC TO YOUR COUNTRY, THE COMPANY IS READY TO GIVE YOU THE ASSISTANCE.

WE HOPE TO HAVE GOOD BUSINESS CO-OPERATION & UNDERSTANDING WITH YOU AND PLEASE IF THERE IS ANYTHING YOU FAIL TO UNDERSTAND, ALWAYS CONTACT ME FOR ADVICES.

WE ARE VERY SORRY FOR THE DEATH OF YOUR BUSINESS PARTNER MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO, MAY HIS GENTLE SOUL REST IN PEACE.

WE’RE AT THE BEST OF YOUR SERVICES.

SIR JOHN NEWMAN

DIRECTOR, GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT, ABIDJAN

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Thank you for the information you sent

Sent: Sun, 05 Oct 2003 18:56:25

Dear Mr Newman,

Thank you for your email. It was most informative. I must say, it would have been a lot easier to read had you not written it all in CAPITAL LETTERS, but perhaps that is the way things are done in the world of international finance and security.

I have just noticed that you sign your emails as “Sir John Newman”. Should I be addressing you as “Sir John”, or will plain “Mr Newman” suffice? Please advise – I would hate to cause offence. How did you get your knighthood, by the way? Is it hereditary, or has Her Majesty made you a life peer for some reason? Do you attend the House of Lords often? And how have the government’s latest reforms of the House of Lords affected you? I have always been fascinated by the English honours system – you must tell me more.

Thank you also for your kind comments regarding my late business partner, Mr Philip Bakayoko. I have to say, I miss the man dreadfully. He had a marvellous sense of humour, and could talk about cocoa until the cows came home. Which, believe me, is more interesting than it sounds.

As I believe I mentioned previously, I am travelling to America for a week on Tuesday, and will unfortunately be uncontactable until Wednesday 15 October. I shall start work on this business as soon as I return from the United States. If I have any queries on this matter, I will get back to you then.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: A quick email before I travel to America

Sent: Mon, 06 Oct 2003 11:05:38

Dear Queeneth,

I thought I would send you a quick email before I pack for America tomorrow. I checked my email when I returned home from my aunt’s last night and found that the security company had contacted me. I sent them a quick reply and told them that I would apply myself to this matter as soon as I return from the poetry convention.

Talking of the poetry convention, I have composed a short poem about my forthcoming trip. Although it is not very long, I feel that it neatly encompasses all of my feelings about my visit to America, and I am very proud of it. I hope you and your brother enjoy it.

“GOING TO AMERICA”

I’m going to America

I’m going on a plane

I hope I like it so much

That I’ll want to go again

I’m going to America

I hope it will be nice

And I hope that the hotel I’m in

Is a pleasant place

I’m going to America

I’m going for a week

And when I come back to England

Because of jetlag I’ll probably have to sleep.

I hope that you and your brother enjoy yourselves in the refugee camp this week while I am away. I will contact you as soon as I return and we will solve all your problems.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We wish safe journey!!!

Sent: Mon, 06 Oct 2003 18:05:50 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your email, we are very happy to hear from you today, we also in receipt of the message you sent to us on Saturday, thanks for all.

Uncle, we are wishing you the best of luck and pray that you will have a safe journey, and all your plans will work as you have planned it to be, God bless you for your kindly efforts.

However sir, as soon as you come back please write us, we shall be happy to welcome you.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am back

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 10:44:01

Dear Queeneth,

You will be pleased to hear that I have arrived safely back from my trip to America.

Unfortunately, the trip did not go as well as I had hoped. The other poets at the convention did not seem to appreciate my poetry. I gave my poetry recital as planned, and recited eight of my best poems, including “The Ballad of Queeneth and Patrick”. But people laughed. They heckled me. Some people even walked out. I was most offended. Philistines. These people would not recognise good poetry if it walked over and slapped them in the face with a wet fish.

You like my poetry, don’t you, Queeneth? At least you appreciate my talent.

On the bright side, setbacks can often inspire good poetry. I have written the following poem and I am very proud of it. You will notice that this poem does not actually rhyme. You might think that this is bad, but it is not. Trust me. It is called “free verse”: It is a lot easier to write, because you don’t have to think of rhymes. Rhymes can be difficult. I tried to think of a rhyme for the word “orange” the other day, and I couldn’t think of one at all.

Can you think of a word that rhymes with “orange”? Please let me know if you can. I am half way through a poem (about an orange) and I am stuck until I can think of a word to use. Anyway, I hope you and your brother like this poem.

“DON’T LAUGH AT ME, YOU PHILISTINES”

I stand up on a stage with my poetry in my hand

And I start reading

Words flow from my mouth like a bottle in the ocean

With a message inside it

My words are good and they have meaning

As deep as a very deep lake

Or pond

Or the ocean

But do you see beyond my words and grasp my meaning?

No you do not

Because you are a philistine and you have no appreciation for the finer things in life

Stop laughing

It isn’t funny

It’s rude

Why does nobody understand

It isn’t fair

Nobody has ever truly understood me

What is the point of it all?

Why not end it here?

Then you’ll be sorry.

I hope you and your brother have had a jolly week inside your refugee camp, and that your job is going well.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We welcome you in the name of God almighty

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 17:57:10 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your mail, we are very happy for you have arrived safely, thanks be to God. We are so sorry for your plan which did not work as you planned it to be, of course we like the poem, when someone try and fail, did not mean that he wouldn’t win in the next step, we are praying for you that God will give you more wisdom to write more poem, because it is only God that can give wisdom, you are highly welcome in Jesus’ name.

However, uncle, have you contacted the security company as to let them know that you are back, so that the transaction will proceed? We want to come over to meet you in your country so that we shall learn from you. Please, if you have contacted them, kindly reach them so that we shall claim what belong to us.

Above all uncle, we need your picture so that we shall see your face as to enable us know who where are dealing with, please reply urgently.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: My photograph

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:41:29

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email and for your kind words about my poetry. It is nice to know that there is someone out there who appreciates my art.

You asked for my photograph. I have attached it to this email. It is a photograph of me in happier days, when I was asked to present a poetry award to students at the University of Cleethorpes. People used to appreciate me then.

I will contact the security company as you asked and see what we need to do to move forward. Do you know if Mr Newman is a poetry aficionado?

You did not tell me how you and your brother are. Please let me know if you are well or not. How is your job going?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I am back!

Sent: Wed, 15 Oct 2003 22:39:51

Dear Mr Newman,

A quick email to let you know that I am now back at home after my trip to America, and am ready to move forward with my business relating to my dear deceased business partner, Mr Philip Bakayoyo. Could you please tell me how we can move forward?

Also, you did not respond to my last email in which I asked how I should address you. Should I be addressing you as “Sir John”, or are you happy for me to call you “Mr Newman”?

I look forward to hearing from you.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. May I ask, do you enjoy poetry?

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: GLOBAL SECURITY COMPANY MANAGEMENT CI

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 00:44:02 +0200 (CEST)

ATTENTION TO GILBERT MURRAY,

YOUR MESSAGES WAS RECEIVED, THE COMPANY THANK YOU AND FOR THE EFFORTS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER HAVE MADE IN THIS COMPANY. YES I RECEIVED YOUR MESSAGE, YOU CAN CALL ME SIR JOHN OR SIR NEWMAN, IN THIS TWO NAMES, ANY ONE THAT PLEASES YOU CALL ME OK, HOW WAS YOUR TRIP, HOPE IT IS WELL.

REGARDING ON HOW TO MOVE FORWARD WITH YOUR BUSINESS, AS THE COMPANY INFORMS YOU EALIER THAT YOU ARE REQUIRED TO MAKE A CHANGING OF THE BENEFICIARY NAME INTO YOUR OWN NAME WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/PROVES YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED PERSON, YOUR PARTNER MR PHILIP BAKAYOKO. THE PROCEDURES/REQUIREMENTS FOR THE CHANGE OF NAME ARE AS FOLLOWS:

YOUR FULL NAME AND CONTACT ADDRESS INCLUDING YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS WHICH YOU’VE ALREADY SENT.

YOUR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT NUMBER OR DRIVER LICENCE NUMBER.

LEGAL PROCESSING FEE OF 5,500 EUROS ONLY FOR THE PROCESSING AND OBTAINANCE OF THE CHANGE OF NAME DOCUMENT IN YOUR NAME BY OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WHICH GIVES YOU THE LEGAL RIGHTS/ACCESS TO THE CONSIGNMENT.

UPON CONFIRMATION OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMANTS, OUR LEGAL ATTACHE WILL PROCEED TOWARDS MAKING THE CHANGE OF NAME WHICH IS DONE WITHIN 24 HOURS.

YOU ARE HEREBY REQUIRED TO SEND THE MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY AGENT TRANSFER TO US FOR THAT IS THE QUICKEST WAY WE CAN RECEIVE MONEY, WITH THE FOLLOWING NAME:

NAME: AMBROSE LOUIS

COUNTRY: COTE D’IVOIRE

CITY: ABIDJAN

AS SOON AS YOU TRANSFER THE MONEY WITH THE ABOVE NAME, SEND THE RECEIVING INFORMATIONS TO US THROUGH OUR MAIL BOX FOR AVOIDANCE, AND FOR QUICK SERVICE.

IMPORTANT, NOTE: WE DO SHIP CONSIGNMENT OVERSEAS FOR PEOPLE WHO IS UNABLE TO COME FOR CLEARING BY DIPLOMAT.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVE A GOOD BUSINESS CO-OPERATION WITH YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

SIR JOHN NEWMAN

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: A query

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:22:27

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email, regarding my regrettably dead business partner, Mr Philipe Banayoko, who I have to say, I miss terribly. We were very close partners. Although nothing unnatural, you understand? We were like brothers. Dealing in the pressured world of international cocoa trading is just not the same without him.

I note that once again you wrote your email in CAPITAL LETTERS, which made it rather difficult to read. When you respond to this email I would appreciate it if you could try to write it without using quite so many capital letters. It would look so much neater, you know.

I hope you have noticed that I have started to refer to you as “Sir John”. I trust this is acceptable. It must be great, being a Lord of the Realm. You asked for my passport number. It is 037639887.

Regarding the “legal processing fee”, I have to say that 5,500 Euros sounds rather steep for a single document. I have dealt with legal matters in the past in this country and nothing has ever cost me anything like so much. Could you please explain why the fee is so high?

I cannot remember if I have mentioned this to you already, but I am a full-time poet. Below is a short poem which shows the depth of my feelings towards my old business partner. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works. Being a Lord of the Realm, you must be a man of taste who appreciates the finer things in life. This being so, I would appreciate your thoughts on my poem. Any constructive criticism you may have would be gratefully appreciated.

“ODE TO PHILIPE BANAYOKO”

Dealing in cocoa

Is almost a no-go

Without the know-how

Of Philipe Banayoko

Whose knowledgeable say-so

In dealings of cocoa

Made everything just so

And numbers of problems so low

Oh Philipe I miss you

As I wield my garden hoe

I think of where you are now

In heaven-a-go-go.

I have to admit that I did find it difficult to come up with enough rhymes to make the poem work, but I don’t think it matters too much. Would you agree?

I look forward to your response, and to meeting you in your charming country. I also look forward to visiting my dear old business partner’s grave, and placing a few cocoa beans on it in remembrance. They were, after all, his favourite plant.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have contacted the security company

Sent: Thu, 16 Oct 2003 12:24:33

Dear Queeneth,

How are you, my dear? A quick email to let you know that I have just contacted the security company, and things seems to be going smoothly.

I am peppering my emails to the security company with some personal details about your father (I am making them up, of course), to make it appear that we were very close. This should make them believe that we were business partners.

I do hope that you and your poor brother are well. How is life in the refugee camp treating you?

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I have not heard from the security company

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 08:54:29

Dear Queeneth,

Although I contacted the security company yesterday, I have not heard back from them yet. I hope that everything is alright. I even sent that nice Mr Newman a lovely poem, which I was very proud of.

I have not heard from you either, my dear, since I sent you my photograph. Are you and your impoverished brother okay? Please let me know how you are. I am beginning to worry about you both.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

PS. Have you managed to think of a rhyme for “orange” yet? I am still stuck on that poem, and it is really beginning to irritate me now. If I can’t think of a rhyme for “orange”, I might have to change the whole conceit behind the poem and start referring to another kind of fruit. But I would rather not have to do that if I can help it.

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Acknowledgement

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 18:23:05 +0200 (CEST)

Attention to Gilbert Murray,

The company received your mail. Regarding your question requirements, yes, the processing fee to obtain the affidavit of changing of beneficiary/name in your name is 5,500 Euros, it is for both legalising and stamp duties also of course you know that a principal attorney will be involved who will represent here, to get the paper work in your name, from the ministries involved, this is a government company, I cannot change the agreement of the government for it is them that put me where I am today, hope you understand my point.

Coming to where it matters a lot, Mr Gilbert Murray, I can see that you are a good poem writer, wa oo!! That’s interesting, in Africa here, anybody like you, we called that person a wisdom man, I am very excited reading the story concerning your business partner, you really miss him, I have seen that you are very good to your business partner Mr Philip Bakayoko.

Finally, as soon as you transfer the money, send the information to us to proceed immediately.

Well, we shall wait till we hear from you.

Yours in service,

Sir John Newman

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Please reply soon!!

Sent: Fri, 17 Oct 2003 18:53:55 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Uncle,

Thanks for your message, although there was a little delay, uncle it is because of the illness of my brother, he have not eating since two days now, that is why I have not been able to write. Uncle, how are you today? Hope you are fine.

Above all, we are very happy concerning the progress of the transaction, we are well pleased to value you as a uncle to us, we can even call you our papa, means Dad, we so much appreciate you for all the efforts you are making towards this transaction, and your concern about our life and living, may God almighty reward you in all your endeavours (Amen).

Meanwhile, the picture you sent to us was received, we thank you for that at least now we have seen your face, Dad, we are well pleased to have you as our business partner, thanks once again and God bless you and family. Please sir, try to be reaching us with the informations and your arrangement with the security company so that we can be following it up from here.

Dad, as I told you concerning the illness of my brother, please, it is now we need your assist mostly, because my brother need to be treated with a good medical doctor, maybe over there in UK, because I don’t want to lose him now, he is the only one beside me now, by tomorrow, I shall be going to the security company to see Sir John Newman.

Concerning your question? We know Sir Newman, he is a very good man, the first time my brother was sick, he is the one that took him to the hospital and pay the doctors charges, he is a very good man to us. But uncle, why did you ask? Please try to reply quickly, I will be checking mail later in the day OK.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes to you and family,

Queeneth

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Re: Acknowledgement

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 10:52:06

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email, and for explaining matters to me so well. Regarding the payment that I must make, I was actually hoping to be able to come over to the Ivory Coast to arrange these matters. I have rather a lot of time on my hands at the moment, and I feel that a journey to a country such as yours would provide me with a good deal of inspiration for my poetry. Would it be possible for me to pay you the fee in person rather than bother with transferring the money? I always prefer to do things in person if at all possible.

Thank you for your kind words regarding my poetry. So, in Africa I would be regarded as a “wisdom man”, would I? I rather like that. I think I shall start signing myself as that. It sounds very good.

Your remark about me being a “wisdom man” has inspired me to write another short poem. I hope you like it. I am very proud of it and think it is one of my finest works.

“WISDOM MAN”

Wisdom man

Write poems can

Write very good verse

Either long or terse

Write words that rhyme

Most of the time

Wisdom man

A poet man

Is what I am.

Please let me know about the fund.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Thank heavens you are alright

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 10:54:48

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear that your brother is ill. I do hope it is nothing too serious. I have heard that you can catch a number of dreadful diseases over in Africa. It isn’t anything terrible like Ebola, is it?

I have heard back from Sir John, and we are in the process of working out the best way to pay the fee that is required. Sir John (who likes my poems, by the way, and told me that in Africa I would be known as a “Wisdom Man”) has suggested that I transfer the money, but I think it would be easier all round if I pay the fee in person when I come to visit the Ivory Coast. Seeing as I will have to visit anyway, this seems to make sense to me.

Please give my best regards to your poor sick destitute brother. Here’s a tip for you: I have heard that echinacea is useful for warding off illness. That or a rabbit’s foot around the neck, which my mother used to swear by. Echinacea is kinder to rabbits, so I’d recommend that.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Our Papa is a wisdom man!!!!

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 15:16:35 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your message and also your concern about the illness of my brother, the doctor said that it is stomach ulcer, as for now papa, it’s not everything he eats, I am only trying my best to see that he gets OK. I know that our father almighty God will not allow anything to happen to him, he is the only thing I have that makes me happy.

Above all, as I told you that I will be going to the security company this morning to meet with Sir John Newman, I went to the company this morning and I was able to see Sir Newman. Sir Newman told me about the money the company requested that we should pay, he said that it is for changing of ownership into your own name, your suggestion to come over with the money is a very good idea, but the director advised that it will be more easier for you to transfer the money to them so that they will start working before your arrival.

He also advised that you need to hold the documents as the new beneficiary on your hand before coming, he said that that is the only thing that will grant access entering the company upon your arrival, so he advised that as soon as they are through with the documents, that they will send it to you and you will be coming down with it.

So, papa, you have to transfer the money to them, so that they will start working for us please, we are tired of staying here, we are acceptional of this kind of situation we are into. Please do according to their advice so that we will not find it difficult upon your arrival, we pray that the God of the orphan will show his might hand of divine intervention in this transaction. Papa, Mr John Newman was explaining to me that it seems like you are a good man, the way you talk to them, and I told him that he can count on you.

Please, you should get back to us as soon as you are through with them, please know what you can do now for you know, time is not on our side, may the almighty God bless you and your entire family.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Global Security Company Management CI

Sent: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 17:53:29 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

The Company Received Your Mail Dated 18/10/03.

Regarding Your Arrangement, The Daughter Of Your Partner Named Queen, She Is Here This Morning And I Explain To Her That It Is The Constitution Of The Company That A New Beneficiary Have To Change His Name First Of All Before Anything Because It Is The Affidavit Of Oath In Your Name That Will Grants The Access Of Entering This Company, Without That, You Cannot Be Invited To This Company, For You Know The Rules Of The Security Managements In The Whole World. So The Money Have To Be Transferred To Us And After The Money Have Been Received Our Legal Attache Will Proceed To You Within 24 Hours, Means That The Certificate On Your Name Will Be Sending To You And You Are Required To Be Coming With The Document To Our Company At Your Own Confidence Time, Hope You Understand My Point? I shall Be Calling You Wisdom Man Because People Like You Are Honourable Here In Africa.

I Enjoy The Second Poem You Wrote It Is Interesting.

So My Dear Wisdom, You Already Have The Name For The Transfer, But I Am Giving It To You Again, Find It Below:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d’Ivoire

City: Abidjan

We Remain The Best At Your Service.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Please do not worry – everything is in hand

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 21:54:37

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. I am most pleased to hear that your poor brother does not have anything serious like Ebola. That is a great comfort to me. You say that your brother is the only thing that makes you happy. That is how I look upon my poetry. However, it may be a good idea for you to find a hobby, so that you have more than one thing that keeps you happy.

Perhaps you could try writing a poem? It might make you happy like it makes me happy. Go on, give it a try – why not try writing a poem about your beloved Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”? I would love to read it. If it helps, words you could rhyme with “Murray” include “hurry”, “curry” and “slurry”.

I understand your points about transferring the money. Do not worry. I will arrange everything with that nice Sir John and keep you informed. We will have you and your sick brother out of that refugee camp before you know it, my dear.

I look forward to reading the poem you write about me.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

PS. Have you thought of a rhyme for “orange” yet? I am still stuck on my poem.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Message understood

Sent: Sun, 19 Oct 2003 21:58:51

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. You certainly have an interesting way with capital letters. Do you have a faulty computer keyboard?

I understand what you are saying. Of course I will be able to transfer the money to you before I travel to the Ivory Coast. Could you please remind me of the method with which I should transfer the money? Please accept my apologies, but I am new to the world of international finance. I am sure this must seem simple to you, but I need a little help with this sort of thing.

I look forward to your prompt response, and shall act as soon as I receive it.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Awaiting For The Information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 03:15:17 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man,

The Company Received Your Mail.

See Below For Details:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d’Ivoire

City: Abidjan

Awaiting For The Information.

We Remain The Best At Your Service,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I think we have our wires crossed

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 09:23:21

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. However, I think we have our wires crossed. I fear I did not make myself clear in my previous email. I am aware who I should transfer the money to – you have kindly told me this a number of times; what I wanted you to tell me was how I should transfer the money. This is not something I have done before, so step-by-step instructions would be useful. Is this something I can do via my bank, or should I consult with my lawyer?

Thanking you in advance.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Read With Careful

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 15:02:35 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray.

The company have received your message dated 20/10/03.

Read With Careful, You Are Hereby Required To Send The Money Through Western Union Money Agent Transfer In Your Country, And You Are Also Required To Transfer The Money To The Company Directly, You Are Required To Transfer The Money With The Name We Gave To You, And After You Have Send The Money Successfully, Forward To Us The Information To Receive It To Us Through Our Mail Box. I Hope You Can Understand Better Now.

The Name Is As Follows:

Name: Ambrose Louis

Country: Cote d’Ivoire

City: Abidjan

This Are The Informations You Are Required To Use In Transferring The Money To us, Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Thank you for the information

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:13:04

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I understand now. However, all this business about “Western Union” and transferring money sounds terribly complicated. Would it be possible to get the money to you in some other, simpler way? Do you accept travellers’ cheques, for example? Please let me know.

I wrote a poem this morning. As you obviously appreciate my poetry so much, I have sent you a copy. I hope you enjoy it. I am very proud of it and I think it is one of my finest works. It was inspired by my breakfast. You may notice that it does not rhyme or scan. This is not a mistake; it is written in what we poets call “free verse”, which means that it does not have to rhyme or scan. Which makes things a bit easier.

“BREAKFAST”

Breakfast, the first meal of the day

The meal that we eat as soon as we awake

Or a little bit later

Oh, fine eggs a-frying in the pan

Careful, don’t overdo them or they’ll go rubbery

And that won’t be nice

Crusty soldiers buttered and ready to be dipped

And marmalade too

But breakfast wouldn’t be breakfast

Without a nice cup of tea

In a way, breakfast is like life

Nice while it lasts, but like all good things, it has to end

In a depressing debris of egg shell and toast crumb and tea stains on the cloth

And when it’s over all the debris is tossed aside

And forgotten about

Like me.

Please let me know if travellers’ cheques are alright with you and I will arrange the payment directly.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: We hope to hear from you soon

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 18:07:44 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your message, I have read and all the content is well noted thanks. I am happy to hear that everything is under control, papa, this show me that you love us so much, and you want us to live. May the God almighty in heaven see you through in all your endeavours, I shall try to write as you have instructed.

Moreover, the bible makes us to understand, in Daniel 1 vs 4, it’s said young men in whom there was no blemish but good looking gifted in all wisdom possessing knowledge and quick to understand who had ability to serve in the king’s palace and whom they might teach the language and literature of the chaldeans.

This is what you are because God almighty has given you that which calls wisdom, you should know that it is a gift from God, not from man, happy are the day that we shall see face to face, we shall be waiting to hear from you as soon as possible.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Thank you for your kind comments

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 17:32:48

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for your kind comments. I must admit, I was rather bowled over by them. I don’t think anyone has ever commented on my appearance and my intelligence quite so favourably as you. You will make me blush.

You are obviously a very well-read young lady. Well, you obviously have a good knowledge of the bible at least. Please, make me the happiest man alive and put your undoubted literary talents to good use, by composing a poem about your Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”.

Send it to me tomorrow, my dear, please. I cannot wait to read it. By your writing, I suspect you may have a gift that you did not know you possessed.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

PS. Still no rhyme for “orange”? You must let me know as soon as you think of one.

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Attention To Wisdom Man

Sent: Mon, 20 Oct 2003 18:35:37 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Wisdom Man.

Your Message Was Received.

Regarding Your Request, For You To Send Travellers’ Cheques To Us While It Is You That Send The Money Have The Access To Pull It Here In Our Country, So It Is Not Advisable That You Should Send Travellers’ Cheques To Us Because It Is The Same Thing Together With Your First Suggestion By Coming With The Requested Amount. Coming To Your Comment, What Do You Mean About All This Business About Western Union? Is It illegal In Your Country? Listen My Friend, You Are Making Issue To Be Complicating For You, Follow The Instruction Which Company Have Given To You OK, For We Know Better. Hope You Were Full Of Wisdom, Then Why Do You Find Things Hard To Understood? The Company Will Be Expecting The Payment Info ASAP.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Western Union

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 10:58:10

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email.

The reason I was finding things hard to understand was that I have never transferred money via Western Union before. This may be all in a day’s work to you, but my day’s work involves composing fine poetry, not transferring money around the globe. In the same way that you would probably find it extremely difficult to compose such excellent poetry as mine, I am finding it difficult to understand the world of international finance. Please bear with me. I have never even heard of “Western Union” before.

However, I now think I understand. I have found out that my local bureau de change operates as a Western Union Money agent, so I shall head into town as soon as I can to make the payment. Then maybe we can get this show on the road, and get poor Queeneth Balayoko out of that awful refugee camp that her and her brother are rotting in.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks for your kind response

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 14:44:21 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Thanks for your swift response. I am very happy for all the efforts you are making towards this transaction. I am not surprised because there is nothing prayer cannot do, we fasted and pray and God almighty answers our prayer by directing you to us, may God bless you for us, because we have a lot to learn from you when we come over.

Above all, uncle, I am just coming back from the hospital where my brother was admitted, praise be to almighty God that he is recovering. I am composing the poem that I will send to you now, and as soon as I finish composing it, I will forward it to you immediately. However, papa, what are your conclusion with the security company because you did not mention anything concerning that at all, please kindly let us know the conclusion of the whole plans so that we shall know our stand.

Papa, you are as much aware that you are a father to us now because you know that we did not have anybody to call papa or mama, all our hope lays on you. If you know the kind assistance which you will render to your children, please extend that to us and accommodate us as your family members, please get back to us as to let us know your entire plans with the security organisation, thanks and may God bless you in all your endeavours.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: The progress of the transaction

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 15:47:21

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your lovely email. I am delighted to hear that you are composing a poem about me. I cannot wait to read it. Given the quality of your prose, I am sure that your talent in poetry will almost equal mine.

Regarding the security company, everything is all worked out. I now know how to transfer money via Western Union, and will be doing so as soon as I can get into town. I would go into town sooner, but I have been sitting at my desk all afternoon trying desperately to complete the poem I told you about earlier, about an orange. But I still cannot find a rhyme for “orange”. I am no quitter, so I am determined not to leave the house until I have forced myself to complete the poem.

I feel that I have some kind of creative block holding me back. Any assistance you can give me with possible rhymes for “orange” would be most appreciated, and would speed up the process immensely.

Send me the poem you are writing as soon as possible, my dear! It may inspire me to be able to complete this poem, after which I will set off into town and sort out the business with the money transfer.

Best regards to you and your poor, destitute, sick (but happily recovering) brother.

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The poem!!!!!

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 18:02:02 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa our wisdom,

Many thanks for your message. I have read and all the content is well noted. I have also understand the level of the transaction now, papa, we can’t wait to meet with you upon your arrival. Below is the poem I told you about.

Compliment of the season

Date of joy, time of chance

Period of romance, time of sex

Date 21-10-2003

Thanks, thanks, I give you thanks

For all what you have done

Father papa is a wisdom man

Gifted by the almighty God

Uncle uncle, papa papa

The joy of your wisdom is our strength

In UK, the helper of our life is in UK

He promise to help and he went to America

For how long is he going to stay and the stone

That was rejected became the head corner stone

Uncle papa our father wisdom is strength

Nature will clearly reveal itself if only

We appreciate it.

Papa, I hope you will also enjoy my own poem, please don’t laugh at me, OK. Finally, papa, please try your best to conclude with the security company today so that before the weekend we shall be expecting your arrival, thanks and may God almighty bless you and your entire family.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: The Company Have Received Your Mail Dated 21/10/03

Sent: Tue, 21 Oct 2003 18:21:00 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert Murray,

Wisdom Man,

The Company Have Received Your Mail Dated 21/10/03.

This Mail Is To Let You Know That The Company Have Received Your Mail, We Shall Wait For The Information As Soon As You Do That.

We Still Remain The Best At Your Service.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Your poem

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 09:46:58

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email, and for sending me the poem. While I am pleased that you are flexing your creative muscles, I have to say that I was somewhat shocked to find that a poem with such offensive content has come forth from the pen of one so young. “Period of romance, time of sex” – this is rather crude writing for a girl of your age. Pornographic filth like this could give people the wrong idea about you.

However, despite this, I have to say that the poem does have its merits. I particularly like your use of metaphor in writing about “the stone that was rejected”. I don’t know what on earth you mean by that, but it is a pleasing image nonetheless.

All in all, my dear, I think you are to be congratulated on your first attempt at verse (apart from the objectionable line about sex). If I may say so, your poetry, in common with your prose, has a rather Joyceian quality about it. Like Joyce, your refusal to be constrained by the accepted rules of written English, while sometimes challenging, is very liberating.

You should seriously consider writing more, and perhaps submitting your poetry to a local magazine to see if you can get it published.

If you do write more, I would be more than happy to publish your works once we have completed this transaction and I have set up my own poetry publishing house. You could find yourself in print, my dear.

Now, I must return to the poem about the orange, which is still confounding me. I just cannot come up with a final line, as I cannot think of a suitable word that rhymes with “orange”. But I am determined to finish this poem before I move on to anything else.

Maybe if I show you the poem as it is so far, it will help you come up with a rhyme that I can use to complete it. Here it is:

“THE ORANGE”

Big, round, like an orange coloured ball

Which is the most excellent fruit of them all?

I’ll give you a clue, it is not the grape

Which although quite nice, does not quite make the grade

Nor is it the kumquat, which is too strange to win

Nor is it the coconut, its flesh hidden within

A hard dark brown shell with hairs all over it

And it isn’t the apple, though I like them quite a bit

And it isn’t the banana, which although very fine

Can be a little difficult to get into some of the time

No, the most excellent fruit is without doubt the orange…

And I cannot think of the last line. Please help me, my dear.

As soon as I have completed this poem, I will head into town and sort out the money transfer for the security company via Western Union.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Papa, I am sorry for the inconvenience

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 18:28:50 +0200 (CEST)

Dear Papa,

Many thanks for your message, papa. I am sorry for making that comment, time of sex, time of romance, please accept my kindly apology, it is because the level of our education. You know, since the death of our parent, we are school-less. Then till now, I have not even written a poem for even one day, that is my first experience in the words of poem. Please accept my apology concerning the words that said that the rejected stone by the builders have become the head stone of the corner, hope you told us that your trip to America was terrible, you said that they laughed and some people was walking out from the hall.

I meant that you was rejected by people in America, but our God did not forget about you, you remain what you are by his grace, please don’t be discouraged because of that of my poem. Below is another poem, but you have to consider that uneducated, for we will like to continue our education as soon as we come over to your country. Read:

Orange is a natural fruit

Prepared by our father in heaven

What sweet orange is this

It is sweet natural nourishment

I love orange, sweet orange from heaven

That is natural, mango is a fruit

Pineapple is a fruit, but what materials

Was made with orange, that sweet like this

It is orange that comes from our father in heaven

Taste and lick, feel healthy, orange, orange

From heaven, it is the best, orange

Taste and see that orange is sweet

The sweetness of orange can heal the sick

Love orange, taste orange, Ronaldo taste

Orange, Figo taste orange, Beckham taste orange

Okocha taste orange, you see that orange

Give strength to play football, to jump high

Mummy, I need orange, dad buy orange, OK, OK!!

Son, this is orange, mum, I love orange, thanks dad for

Your love, but mum, taste orange and be like me.

I hope you will like this, don’t laugh at me uncle when you read this poem because of the level of my education. Finally uncle, please, you have to understand that we need to get out from this place so that we can continue our education, kindly conclude your arrangement with the security organisation so that we shall know when you are coming to take us along to UK. The doctor that was treating my brother needs money, but I shall try and see what I can do to settle that. Please papa, our hope lays on you for we are helpless here in this country, kindly get back to us as to let us know if you like the poem, and also for the information concerning the security company.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes to you and family,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: I am astonished by your poem

Sent: Wed, 22 Oct 2003 17:54:38

Dear Queeneth,

I am absolutely astonished by your poem. I thought that your first poem was outstanding, but this one is even more noteworthy! And, I have to say, it makes my poem about oranges seem like the pitiful attempt of an illiterate buffoon. You are a poet, Queeneth! I’ll bet you never knew you had such talents hidden deep within you.

Nice to see that there was no foul language in this one too.

Congratulations on your poetry, my dear. And on your knowledge of football players, which must be rather unusual amongst girls your age. I would have expected boys to know so much about football players, but not you. I imagine you are just a bit of a tomboy.

Regarding “the stone that was rejected” in your first poem. I see what you were getting at now. The stone was me, your poor rejected Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”. Suddenly it all becomes clear.

Now that I have been bowled over by your magnificent poem about oranges, I have screwed up my own pathetic unfinished poem and thrown it on the fire. It is not worth finishing it now. How could I possibly better your marvellous paean to that noble fruit? In fact, I wonder if it is worth writing any more poetry at all, knowing that there is such a talent as yours out there? Maybe not.

Well, now that my brain is no longer preoccupied by my poem about oranges, I shall travel into town first thing tomorrow morning and make the money transfer to the security company.

You have a rare talent, my dear. Make use of it.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: I have made the payment

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 10:47:38

Dear Sir John,

I am pleased to be able to tell you that I travelled into town today and made the payment (5,500 Euros) to you via my local Western Union office. Although they seemed to be experiencing a few computer problems when I arrived, I was surprised to see how easy the whole process was. I cannot believe it is so simple to send money half way around the world.

Here are the details I believe you will need to collect the money:

Sender’s name: Mr Gilbert Arnold Murray

Receiver’s name: Ambrose Louis

Test question: Nickname?

Answer: Wisdom Man

Please let me know when you have received the money. By the way, the Western Union agent asked me to advise Ambrose Louis to take identification with him when he collects the money. Apparently it makes things easier. But you probably know that already.

What is our next step? I take it you will now be able to assign my name to the consignment in question? Please let me know.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Excellent news!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 13:44:06

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to let you know that I went into town this morning and have made the payment to the security company, as per Sir John’s instructions. Hopefully this means that you and your ailing brother will not have to stay much longer in your refugee camp.

I have asked Sir John to respond to me and let me know what our next step is. I will keep you informed.

Have you been inspired to write any more poems today, by the way? Now that you have discovered your hitherto-unknown talent, you must not let it wither on the vine.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: There Is A Mistake

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 15:56:00 +0200 (CEST)

Attention to Wisdom Man,

Received Your Mail, My Secretary Have Gone To The Western Union With The Information You Sent To Us, Unfortunately The Bank Is Unable To Pull The Money, That Means That The Information You Sent To Us Was Not Correct, The Control Number Is Not There, So Go And Find Out What The Problem Is, And Send The Information Correctly To us. Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir John Newman

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Re: There Is A Mistake

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 15:13:28

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am most concerned to hear that you have experienced problems accessing the money that I transferred. The cashier at my local Western Union branch did mention to me at the time that I made the transfer that they were experiencing some technical problems. Maybe this is the cause of your problems.

And of course, I forgot to send you the control number. Please accept my apologies, but I am rather new to this.

The control number you need is 4285993701. The other information is as I gave you in my last email.

Please let me know as soon as your secretary has collected the money and let me know how we can proceed from here.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: It is The Same Mistake!!!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 18:23:06 +0200 (CEST)

Attention Wisdom Man,

We Have Tried To Receive The Money But Is Also The Same Thing. I Advise That You Go Direct To The Western Union And Ask Them What The Problem Is, Maybe As You Said That They Were Having Computer Problem, Maybe That Is The Cause Of It, So What You Have To Do Now Is To Go Straight To The Western Union Agent And Find Out The Problem.

We Shall Be Waiting FOR The Information, But This Time, You Should Do It Correctly.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir Newman

From: Queeneth Bakayoko

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Thanks For The Excellent news!

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 09:32:36 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Papa,

Thank you very much for your kindness and all the efforts you have been making for ever since this transaction have started, thanks and may the almighty God see you through in all your endeavours, Amen.

However, I don’t know that the poem is good up to this extend that you are taking about it, OK. I am composing another poem that I will send to you. Thanks for all you have done, should I go to see Sir John Newman, what is the next step now, have you heard from them, please advise me sooner so that I will know if to and meet him or not.

Remain blessed.

Best wishes,

Queeneth Bakayoko

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Please accept my apologies

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 17:34:07

Dear Sir John,

Thank you for your email. I am most distressed to hear that you are still unable to collect the money that I transferred to you this morning. I do not know why you are unable to collect the money – as I have said, I have not transferred money in this way before. Unfortunately, my local Western Union branch will be closed by the time I am able to get into town tonight. However, I will go into town first thing tomorrow morning and sort this out. I can only think that their computer problems have stopped the transfer from going through.

Once again, I apologise, but I think that this is Western Union’s fault, and not mine. I will email you as soon as I return from town tomorrow morning, hopefully with all the information you need to collect the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: There has been a slight hitch

Sent: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 17:39:21

Dear Queeneth,

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately there has been a slight hitch – it appears that Western Union are having some technical problems with their computers – which means that Sir John has not been able to collect the money that I transferred this morning.

My local branch of Western Union is now closed for the night. Do not worry though – I will go there first thing tomorrow morning and get things sorted out.

We will have you out of that refugee camp before too long, trust me.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

PS. I look forward very much to receiving your next poem – do send it to me as soon as you have completed it. What subject have you chosen to write about?

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Things should be sorted out now

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 10:49:51

Dear Sir John,

I travelled into town first thing this morning and got to the Western Union office as soon as it opened. I explained the problems you had been having to the agent, who explained to me that Western Union has been having problems with its computer network in the UK, and that some money transfers have “got lost” in the system.

The agent was extremely helpful. She apologised profusely for any inconvenience, then made a telephone call to their Technical Centre in London, who have apparently sorted everything out. Your secretary should now therefore be able to collect the money without any problems at your local Western Union branch.

Here, again, are the details your secretary will need to collect the money:

Sender’s name: Mr Gilbert Arnold Murray

Receiver’s name: Ambrose Louis

Test question: Nickname?

Answer: Wisdom Man

Control number: 4285993701

The agent advised me that in order to be absolutely sure of being able to collect the money, your secretary must ensure that they take along suitable identification.

To be on the safe side, she also gave me a telephone number that your local Western Union agent should call if they still have problems with this transfer. This should not be necessary, but if your Western Union agent still encounters problems, please get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 (this is a London number) and give full details of the money transfer, including the name and address of the person receiving the money. They should then be able to sort everything out.

Once again, please accept my apologies for this, but as you can see, it is not my fault.

Please let me know as soon as you have collected the money.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

The telephone number given is that of the US Secret Service within the US Embassy in London. The US Secret Service is actively trying to stamp out advance fee fraud.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Everything is in hand

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 13:52:06

Dear Queeneth,

A quick email to let you know that everything should now be sorted out and that Sir John should now be able to collect the money that I transferred to him via Western Union. My local Western Union agent told me that they had computer problems which had prevented the transfer from going ahead, but she assures me that she has solved them.

You still have not sent me your next poem. Do send it on as soon as you can my dear. I cannot wait to read it.

You may be interested to know that I am currently writing another poem. This one has been inspired by my dealings with you and Sir John. I will send it to your as soon as it is complete.

I hope you are well.

Best regards,

Uncle Papa Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Global Security Management

To: Gilbert Murray

Subject: Urgent Attention

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:57:38 +0200 (CEST)

Attention To Gilbert,

We Have Received The Informations, But It Is Still The Same Thing. I Want You To Tell Me, In What Country Do You Transfer The Money To? I Advised You To Make The Transfer To Country: Cote D’Ivoire, City: Abidjan, Postal Code: 00225. Please Make Sure That Everything Is Correct Before You Email The Information To Us. Thanks.

Yours Faithfully,

Sir Newman

NB. The Name You Are Advised To Use Is Ambrose Louis.

Country: Cote d’Ivoire

City: Abidjan

Postal Code: +225

Expecting To Hear From You Immediately You Legulet The Problems, Also I Want You To Send The Payment Slip By Attachment So That We Shall Know What The Problem Is.

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Global Security Management

Subject: Simply follow the instructions I gave you

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:14:26

Dear Sir John,

I am in receipt of your email. I have double-checked the payment details yet again, and I can assure you that the details I sent to you earlier today are correct in every way.

You cannot have done what I told you to do in my last email. So let me repeat what my Western Union agent recommended.

Your secretary should go to your local Western Union agent with full identification and the details I provided you with. If your Western Union agent still encounters problems accessing details of the money transfer using their computer system, you must get them to call +44 (0)20 74088091 and give full details of the money transfer, including the name and address of the person receiving the money. They should then be able to sort everything out.

I am sure that if you follow the advice of my Western Union agent, you will be able to collect the money this afternoon.

Unfortunately, I cannot send you a copy of the payment slip, as my scanner machine is broken and I do not have access to a fax. However, you should not need this. Simply follow the instructions above. It is not difficult.

Please let me know when you have successfully collected the money. To be perfectly frank, I am getting rather tired of sending you the same information over and over again.

Best regards,

Gilbert Murray, “Wisdom Man”

From: Gilbert Murray

To: Queeneth Bakayoko

Subject: Are you sure that Sir John is capable of this business?

Sent: Fri, 24 Oct 2003 14:34:49

Dear Queeneth,

I am writing to you in complete confidence.

Are you sure that Sir John is capable of conducting this business? He may well be a decent sort of chap who has helped you and your brother out in the past, but at the moment he seems incapable of following the simplest of instructions. I have passed on to him the instructions that my Western Union agent gave me, which detail how to access the money I transferred, but I don’t think he has followed them properly. He can’t have done. If he had done, he would have received the money by now.

Is there anyone else we can deal with? Perhaps Sir John has had a touch too much sun? Or maybe he likes the bottle a bit too much, if you see what I mean. He certainly has a most unusual way of using capital letters in his writing, which simply isn’t normal.

Please, my dear, keep this to yourself. I would hate to hurt Sir John’s feelings. But if there is a way we can pass this business over to someone more capable, I think it would be better for all concerned.