Monday Postcard #19 – A Woman’s Choice

12. March 2018

seems to be THE year for either getting married or having babies. Since Christmas, so many of my friends have told me their big news: “I’m engaged.”, or “I’m pregnant.” Naturally, it relates to our age: we are all 30+ and it is actually not an uncommon thing to do. I get it.

Of course, when I hear those news, I am beyond happy for every single one of them and that I can be part of this as their friend. I am excited to be a bridesmaid this year, I will be the biggest party animal at their hen’s and, of course, will be the best auntie ever for their kids. Even though I am not a big fan of weddings (ahem, big understatement, I actually cannot stand them) and also an atypical woman when it comes to seeing babies or toddlers (no, I do not have a happy face and start raving in baby voice about how cute they are), but it is different when it is about your friends.

The thing which really annoyed me recently is expectations by other people about my own life. It seems that because it is happening all around me, everyone assumes that this is a logical step also for me. If most of my friends get married and have babies, naturally, I am going to talk about it more. Because I am legitimately happy for them and want to share the news. But I was shocked to hear the same answer over and over again: “Is this the only thing you can talk about at the moment?”, implying that this is what I secretly want as well.

And this shock has now turned into mere annoyance: even those who know about my personal plans (which is establish myself first before taking this next step), started to make comments. People are talking about my future wedding as if it was going to happen this year as well. Even though this is not even a topic at the moment. But that is what a 30+ woman has to want (side note: this, of course, only applies to women, men are taken out of this equation here). And then you have to want children. And even if you do not admit it, by talking about others choosing the path, you show that you actually want it to. It is unnatural for a woman not to have that as THE priority on her agenda.

I am actually used to society’s pressure on women reaching the big 30 to get married and have kids. When I was starting my corporate finance job aged 25 and moved to Germany without a husband or partner, I even got reactions like “What’s wrong with you?”, or “Well, you don’t have time for that.” with a petty look. But this recent development is new to me: people who have known me my whole life suddenly think I have turned 180 degrees. And I still do not get it! Why all this pressure?

Therefore, I am using this post-Women’s-Day-postcard as a reminder: let everyone live their life the way they want to live it. For some, it is having four kids and a dog, for others it is a smaller family or even only being with someone or choosing to enjoy single life. Whatever it is, it is their f***ing business. And still, we all can be happy for others’ life choices without immediately wanting the same for us. I do not know what the future will bring, but for now, I am focussing on being a bridesmaid and auntie aspiring to be a role model for all the little girls and next-gen girl bosses.