The
judicial reason is quite simple: women know that, most of the time,
they’ll beat men in matters of alimony, child custody, and child
support. Rewarding failure is self-fulfilling. Here’s
a test: Ask any woman, about to get married, if she still would march
down that aisle if there were no child support or alimony to collect
upon dissolution of the impending union. Is she still giddy with glee
or pissed
off like a Swedish countess?

Compounding
the judicial factor is a specific societal shift: anything-goes America
now celebrates unwed mothers. When unwed teen Jamie Lee Spears
(Britney’s sister) became pregnant, her picture appeared on the
cover of People magazine. On Oscar Night of 2009, Barbara
Walters asked actress Anne Hathaway about marriage. The
26-year-old Hathaway selfishly expressed a desire to become a mom but
not a wife. This narcissistic attitude is now the rule, not
the exception.

Programmed
Like Automatons

When
I was a lad, the dream of every girl was to get married and every man
to “settle down” to become a family man with a career. In
fact, it was common for any man with a girlfriend to get matrimonial
pressure, from friends and family, with this gem: When are you going
to make an honest woman of her? The implication being that she
was dishonest in having sex until he saved her through marriage.

Stepping
back to examine the big picture, one easily could conclude that people,
by and large, have been getting married more to please others than to
please themselves, to do what is expected of them. They’ve been
“programmed” like automatons to think of marriage as proof
of respectability, worth, and stability. Why else would men illogically
get married despite knowing that wives bring 70% of divorces
and get child custody and alimony in 90% of cases?

Generation
Y, accustomed to fatherless homes, clearly has a different philosophy
about matrimonial programming. And, Anne Hathaway, whose parents are
happily married, proved with her statement to Ms. Walters that she has
downloaded a new lifestyle application.

Predisposed
to Fail

I
posit that underlying the aforementioned is a more-fundamental reason
for nuptial failure: we are predisposed from childhood to fail,
and Don Quixote is to blame.

Don
Quixote? Yes. A famous aphorism that completely guides all of our lives
derives from an early-1700s translation by Peter Motteux of Cervantes’s
classic work: “It is the part of a wise man to keep himself today
for tomorrow, and not to venture all his eggs in one basket.”
Today, we use the shortened version: Don’t put all of your
eggs in one basket.

“Quixote’s
Law” is integral to the basic principle of investing: diversification.
Invest in mutual funds, not in single stocks, we are told. Those who
invested all of their money with Bernie Madoff violated the diversification
principle and lost fortunes as a result.

Quixote
lives in our careers, too: we work for one employer but constantly put
out feelers for the bigger, better deal. Actors always hear: You
need something to fall back on; don’t quit your day job.
When we make plans — business, military, or personal — we
also make contingency plans, in case “Plan A” goes awry.

Wait
a minute! Marriage is putting all of your eggs — especially your
nest eggs — in one basket, in one person. But, isn’t
this the antithesis of Quixote’s Law — and, therefore, a
huge conflict of values? Absolutely, and the reason people sign prenups,
resist commitment, and hedge their marital bets by cheating, which,
ultimately, leads to custody fights and loss of wealth. Watch
two women confess marital infidelity to ABC News.

The
NoNonsense Bottom Line

Marriage
is important for the stability of society and for the healthy raising
of children, but a failing institution that brings more pain than stability.
For proof, look at the familial dysfunction around you — in homes,
schools, TV shows, movies, the Internet, shopping malls, and family
courts.

If
unwilling or unable to make this one exception to your hedging strategy
— the one you follow in every other aspect of your life
— to put all your eggs in one nuptial basket, don’t get
married. Ever. Spare pain for yourself, spouse, kids, and respective
families.

You
can’t have it both ways — even though Anne Hathaway, like
many women today, thinks she can. Single people shouldn’t have
children. Children aren’t puppies, acquired on a whim to mitigate
loneliness or boost the ego. Children need two married, loving parents
raising them together.

Singlehood
is a life of many baskets, marriage a life of one — with
both spouses weaving the same wicker. There is no hybrid. Marriage requires
a lifestyle change that most people, in all honesty, don’t want
— the all-in-one-basket lifestyle — and that’s
why it’s failing.

Marc
H. Rudov is a globally known radio/TV personality, relationship coach,
and author of 100+ articles and the booksUnder the Clitoral
Hood: How to Crank Her Engine Without Cash, Booze, or Jumper Cables(ISBN 9780974501727) andThe Man’s No-Nonsense
Guide to Women: How to Succeed in Romance on Planet Earth(ISBN
0974501719). Mr. Rudov, the 2008 recipient of the National
Coalition of Free Men’s “Award for Excellence In Promoting
Gender Fairness In The Media,” is a frequent guest on Fox News
Channel’s Your World with Neil Cavuto and The O’Reilly
Factor.