Instead, she waited. She waited until 2008. I have to say, I’m confused–if I wanted to find America’s smartest kid, I’d just call up the United Federation of Teachers and say, “Give me your Asians!” and then just pick the cutest one with the sharpest bowl cut, and call it a day.

Let me just tell you, Best Week Ever just pulled a clip of one of Oprah’s “smartest,” and I can already see that this search is a terrible idea. The results ain’t lookin’ too pretty.

While trolling the news today for some hot DISGRASIAN bites, I came across this intriguing headline: “Deadbeat Parents? Sandwich of Shame for School Kids!”

Sandwich of Shame? Tell me more!

Then I read the LA Times story that the headline linked to:

When too many parents fell behind on paying for school lunches, the Chula Vista Elementary School District decided to get tough — on the children.

They told students with deadbeat parents that they had only one lunch choice: a cheese sandwich…

The cheese sandwich, [parents] say, has become a badge of shame for the children, who get teased about it by their classmates. One student cried when her macaroni and cheese was replaced with a sandwich. A little girl hid in a restroom to avoid getting one. Many of the sandwiches end up untouched or tossed whole in the garbage. Sometimes kids pound them to pieces.

To the best of our knowledge, the cheese sandwich in question looks nothing like this.

Okay. Hold up.

What?!? Since when is a cheese sandwich considered a shame sandwich? How on earth could a slice of American cheese between two pieces of bread even qualify as a badge of shame?

Holding a sign outside of your school that says you’re a bully? That’s a badge of shame. Donning homemade clothes a few sizes too small in the 6th grade when everybody else is wearing Polo just cuz it’d make your grandma and her sewing fingers happy? Sure. Wearing last night’s sequined cocktail dress and smeared makeup while trudging home from a lousy lay across your college quad at 8 am when everyone’s hurrying to breakfast and Bio Lab? I wouldn’t know from, er, personal, um, experience…