Flash Fiction

Mermaid

She was hauled up by a fishing vessel out catching cod. The fishermen retired on the money they made, and Birds Eye had to find a new supplier, while the managers of San Diego Zoo thought of how to make the most of their new attraction. They knew they could charge thousands to start with. Then once all the millionaires had seen her they reduced it to hundreds and, finally, affordable prices with discounts on family tickets.

Years passed, and the mermaid was no longer bringing in any more money than the Panda Research Station. After much um-ing and ah-ing, a management intern pointed out that baby animals always bring in the customers. For some time the managers discussed whether it would be worth the expense of sending out a fishing vessel to try and catch a merman.

'But even if we got one,' somebody said, 'there's no saying she'd mate with him.'

This was hotly debated. Some argued that the mermaid had a human head and therefore a human mentality, and would not reproduce with someone just because they were stuck in the same tank together. Others thought she was just like any other animal and, if she met a male of her species, nature would take its course.

'Maybe we could ask Stan,' said the management intern.

The managers exchanged blank looks.

'He feeds her and cleans her water.'

'Oh,' said a manager. 'All right, go and ask him.'

The graduate intern was an upbeat, baby-faced young man in an ironed suit. Stan was a wrinkly-faced cynic in dirty overalls. They conducted their conversation in front of the mermaid's tank. She bobbed and stared through the glass, her hair billowing out around her.

'She's vicious,' said Stan. 'You stick anything else in there with her, you're asking for trouble. She can strip a catfish carcass in five seconds.'

'But her own species…?'

'Where are you going to find a merman anyway?'

'There is that,' said the management intern. 'I was wondering about some kind of artificial insemination.'

'Using a fish or a man?'

'Maybe both.'

'Sounds expensive. Does the zoo have the money to do all this? Where's my cut, I'd like to know? Where would you be without me looking after your main attraction?'

'I'm sorry, Stan,' said the intern. 'I'll have a word with the boys upstairs.'

'Do you just want her to bring in more money?' Stan asked. 'And make sure there's still a mermaid exhibit after she's dead?'

'Well, if you want to get more money out of her, there's something else you could do. Don't you think she looks like that one in the movie?'

The graduate intern looked at the mermaid for some seconds. 'Not really.'

'Me neither. But don't you think she could?'

Within days little girls were dragging their parents into cars, trains and planes to visit The Little Mermaid Experience. The mermaid had been given a drugged catfish, and her hair dyed orange while she was asleep. A coloured lighting contraption was built into her tank so that her scales reflected green. Someone managed to get hold of a bra made from purple seashells. The tank was fitted out to look as much like Tritan's kingdom as possible. They even got a Sebastian and a Flounder, but they were both eaten before the first event, so cardboard cut-outs were ordered in. The movie soundtrack was played, and the children were encouraged to sing along. Stan received none of the credit. Disney received no royalties until it went to court. As for Hans Christian Andersen, no one gave him a thought.

The Experience was popular, and the management team began to think about what else they could do with the mermaid. She soon became an after-hours attraction for gentlemen, at which time her seashell bra was removed and her water temperature significantly reduced. The management intern had no qualms, as his girlfriend had left him shortly after the Disney court case. Some people held similar views to hers, and thought perhaps they ought to get involved, but what to do? The animal rights activists did not think it their place. Nor did the human rights activists.

For the first few nights, the mermaid ate drugged catfish. Then she stopped trusting catfish, and someone said it would be a bad idea to drug anything else, because they did not want her to stop trusting her food completely. It became Stan's job to take her bra on and off, according to the time of day, with a complicated pole and hook device. He received no extra wages for this.

The management team was stumped when, one morning, a tour guide reported that she had taken a group of little girls into The Little Mermaid Experience and they had seen Stan floating around in the tank, quite blue. The guide had done well. She had said that he was a dummy representing the prince after the shipwreck. A girl in a pink hoodie had pointed out that he was too old, and the guide had ushered everybody out. Several angry parents were demanding their money back from the ticket seller when some managers went to take a look at the mermaid tank.

'What should we do?' asked one.

The mermaid was hovering over Stan's lifeless body, glaring at the managers and baring her teeth.

'Well,' said another, 'she's dangerous now. There's going to be a lot of anger over this. We have to put her down.'

It was spectacular. Her brains hit the glass, and her blood spiralled upwards from the waves of her hair, climbing ever higher towards freedom.