by Gray Graham

I have been told many times by some that I come off harsh to single mothers. To some I do not understand their plights and circumstances. I do not sympathize with how they feel. All of these things are true.

The majority of single mothers I have encountered and know of, are single mothers because of their own actions. In most cases it was due to poor choices and decisions that they made of their own free will.

Many were the classic bad girls that did not want to listen when they were warned while others ignored common sense and their moral values for the thrills and passion of the moment. The myth of a woman being fooled is just that a myth. The majority knew exactly the kind of man they chose to have impregnate them.

Now I know this hits a lot of people hard in the soul especially in the Black and Hispanic communities. Very few people want to think of their birth as an “accident”, an act of stupidity, or the worse mistake of their parents life, but the truth is that is exactly what a lot of people are. God does not make mistakes, but people constantly do.

So instead of accepting the responsibility of their actions, we have instead developed a culture where people are suppose to feel sorry for the bad choices of these mothers and never actually tell them that they made a bad choice while completely ignoring the plights or their children.

This is not a movement I am going to join because of one simple reason, I care more about the well being of the children born from these bad choices than their mothers. I say mothers because no one feels any sympathy for their fathers. No we actually point out what they did wrong and what they need to do now. We constantly tell them to man up and be a father to their children yet you will not hear the same directed at women.

Too many people think that just because a woman is around she is being a loving mother to her children. Just because she is feeding them and providing a shelter does not mean she is being a nurturing mother.

Slapping kids in the middle of the store, leaving them in the care of just anyone, beating them with extension cords, hitting the club every single week, and running different men in and out of their lives every week is not being a mother.

Repeating the behavior that led to one child being born, so that there are now multiple children with the same circumstances is definitely not being a loving mother or a responsible woman.

So can we please start putting our focus with the children instead of their mothers. These children did not ask to be born. They often endure lives that are less than desirable. They have a pain that will never be healed. These children often live in poverty, have poor educations, and will have a lifetime of trouble understanding the simple concept of love.

Imagine how it feels to live a life where you are told that you “owe” someone for a miserable existence. Where you are constantly told how your father has no worth. Where you see your mother make the same mistakes over and over again and you are powerless to do anything to stop her or even make your life better. When you try to complain to others you hear the tired old “well she is doing the best that she can” or “at least she is around.” Funny how those are suppose to be good enough reasons for you but they were never good enough for her and the situation in her life.

I am well aware that stating these things automatically is going to upset many, make some angry and cost me a few followers. Where I am from they always say that the truth cuts likes the sharpest sword, but in my observations in life there is nothing that hurts like having a bad mother, whether one has the courage to admit it or not.