Freedom and Discipline

Freedom and Discipline are two words that are not usually used together, at least in regard to children. It seems counter-intuitive—how can you give kids freedom and still have discipline, or be disciplined and have freedom? It is generally understood that children can only “behave” when strict discipline is imposed on them, meaning their freedom taken away– this is the thinking of traditional schooling. But Maria Montessori discovered that the two, freedom and discipline, indeed go hand in hand.

In traditional schools discipline is imposed by the teacher/adult and onto the child. His own motives and feelings do not matter. He must do as his teacher says, and obey unquestioningly. True discipline, however, comes from within the child. This inner discipline takes much longer to achieve than it does to simply tell a child “Sit down! Be quiet!” using threats of punishment. But it is much more beneficial and long-lasting, both for the child and those around him. This level of discipline cannot be achieved through commands and orders, but through experiencing freedom.

In the beginning the young child is still struggling to gain control over his own movements. It is useless to urge a toddler to sit still, for he does not have the self-control and co-ordination over his mind and his body to attempt to obey such a command. At this time the child needs our help and care, not our scoldings, to help him achieve discipline. The child needs to experience the freedom move at will and to choose his own activities. Through his work (in the montessori classroom, helping with chores at home, through his own self-guided play) he develops himself physically, learning how to control his muscles and coordinate his movements; and also mentally and emotionally, as he practices thinking through problems, choosing how to spend his time, and experiencing how others react (both positively and negatively, important social cues) to his actions. This freedom requires a set of limits, just a few simple rules for what is and is not acceptable behavior, which must be explained to the child in a way that make sense to him (after all, it is much easier to follow rules when we understand the reasons behind them- this goes for children and adults alike). Experiencing the natural consequences to his actions helps the child connect cause and effect, and eventually be able to think through and predict the possible consequences before he acts so he may choose more wisely.

At first it is the guide and the parents who enforce these limits and their natural consequences, but over time we can hand over more freedom and responsibility to the child, waiting until he is ready to accept it. The only way we learn to make responsible decisions is through practice- it is not a skill that can be taught, but one each individual must learn by trial and error. And so, it is through freedom that the child learns how to discipline himself– how to control his body and movements; how to think through his options when making decisions; how to be a responsible person who is respectful of himself and others. He develops his own inner compass for what is right and wrong, without needing external rewards or threats of punishment to do the right thing.

I loved what Dr Montanaro pointed out about the word ‘discipline’ and its Latin root. From Latin disciplina ‘instruction, knowledge,’ from discipulus (see disciple). When understood as a path to knowledge instead of punishment, and when we recognize that we are the path (as well behaved, thoughtful adults functioning alongside the the youngest children who are learning from us as”disciples” of sorts, then a fair share of the responsibility for behaving well, lands squarely on our own shoulders.

Hi Marcy, this article has given me a good insight on how to discipline my daughter but i need further help on how to put it in real practice. When my daughter (whose 3 years old) make a mess purposely and the consequence is she has to help clean it up. If she choose not to clean up the mess, what else should i do? If no punishment should be done, how should i make her understand that’s not acceptable? I’m kind of getting to a dead end every time i encounter a mis-behave situation and i really like to find a way to resolve this. Thanks

Many, many Christians are involved in Montessori today, and many Catholics. We are New Testament Christians, followers of Jesus’ New Law of love and forgiveness. Montessori showed us how Original Sin is the vulnerability of the child to the environment and relationships through the Absorbent Mind. Our humanity is not structured as much by Nature in the form of instincts as it is by SupraNatura in the form of environment and relationships. How very Jesuit, as in “give me a child . . . ” And yet Montessori’s work transcends individual cultures and religions. We Montessorians are a many-splendored people! We each bring to Montessori the best of our heritage and we receive in return a hundredfold in the revelation of it’s truth and beauty. That’s my perspective as a Christian and a Catholic and a Montessorian. I do have a fierce love for aspects of all the religions, spiritual practices and philosophies of my Montessori colleagues and find I often have more in common with their way of thinking than with some non-montessorians of my faith.

And there’s so much to think about within the subjects of the Will, discipline and self-discipline, obedience and disobedience. Thank you, c.santana, for your powerful and universal question. May we ever explore such questions together! I like what Howard Zinnemann said about obedience and disobedience and which has brought upon humanity greater harm.

How can children develop an inner compass for what is right and wrong without being saved, whithout the Holy Spirit? How can they understand their need for salvation without understanding that the punishment for sin is death? According to the Bible Sin is not the result of the environment on us, Sin comes from our own heart (“The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” Gen. 6:5 and this doesn’t only refer to the days of Noah for the New Testament says “As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.” Matthew 24:37) The Bible says that our heart is decietful and evil above all things.

How can children learn to live wisely without Christ when the Bible clearly says ” The beginning of wisdom is the fear of the Lord” Psalm 111:10… How can anyone develop wisdom and become what Christ wants of us without being saved first, and as said before how can we understand salvation if we don’t teach that we have sinned against God and we have condemned to eternal death and that the only way of salvation is to accept Christ sacrifice on the cross?

I’m not saying Montessori teaching methods are all wrong, but it seem to me that there is a basic truth missing somewhere that children need to be taught. I’m not saying that children must be beaten in order to learn. I’m saying where is Christ in the philosophy of montessori’s education.
The purpose of education must not be our own glorification or self exaltation by making us incredible individuals, the focus and purpose of our education must be in God himself and accomplishing what he wants for us.

You have sp many important questions! You might find answers by googling Montessori and original sin, The Catechesis of the Good Shepherd and also Godly Play. You would surely find E.M. standings book, “Maria Montessori: Her Life and Work” of great interest. Sofia Cavalletti is an inspiring resource. DBG

Maria Montessori’s “The Secret of Childhood” is a rich resource! You have many hours of gladness in store for you, but it will take careful reading of several books to reach the answers you seek. These are not light questions, as you surely know. Tell me what you discover after a thorough reading of the first book. Enjoy!

I’ll try to your questions in brief as I have a bad tendency to get very wordy. We can then discuss any questions that we greatly disagree on in more depth in a later post as you indicate. Keep in mind that my answers are from reading various sources including The Absorbent Mind, The Secret of Childhood and half of Discovering the Child as I’m studying for my training in Montessori:

“How can children develop an inner compass for what is right and wrong without being saved, whithout the Holy Spirit?” Montessori was not in the business of saving souls. The basic goal of a Montessori school is to normalize a child’s behavior that is a result of what she termed repression (I believe she borrowed this from Freud). When the children are normalized, they will be able to develop to their full potential. I get the feeling that she believes that these normalized children will much more likely come to understand the love of God and accept the Holy Spirit, but I may be hasty in this conclusions. This does not replace the need of the Holy Spirit.

“How can they understand their need for salvation without understanding that the punishment for sin is death?” They wont understand this through the arbitrary punishment by parents or teachers. If death is the natural consequence of sin, then the child must first learn that their actions have NATURAL consequences, not simply punishments (yelling, time-out, hitting, shaming, etc.) done by an adult. This is particularly true for young children who cannot possibly understand this fact in full detail.

“According to the Bible Sin is not the result of the environment on us, Sin comes from our own heart” But we are inextricably linked to the environment and others, so interacting with a proper environment will lead to less sinning, while a poor environment will tend to lead to more sinning. Will it keep us from sinning? No, because there is more to sin than simply good vs. bad behavior, which itself can be understood in a scientific manner. Montessori believed that God Himself designed the plan for humans that dictates how they develop. This plan will unfold, sensitive periods and all, no matter the environment, but the quality of the environment will determine the quality of development.

I think the basic message here is that Montessori is not in and of itself a religious method of raising children, but it is easily compatible with any religious affiliation. Hopefully that wasn’t too wordy. Great questions BTW!

Ah, yes! Thank you, Jeff. And for Montessori’s vision of the effect, on the adult he will become, of the child’s self-formation and self-education across the Four Planes of Development, I heartily recommend “Education and Peace.” the ultimate aim of Montessori education is the new humanity capable of creating the new society, one that will bring about a just peace. DBG

Fantastic article! And fantastic points in the comments too! I find Jeff’s points to be 100% valid – I work with Catechesis of the Good Shepherd at all three ages (3-6, 6-9 and 9-12) and the children DO come to understand their faith very deeply when the Montessori method is utilized. I am exploring the typology of Creation right now with the 9-12 year olds and we will delve into sin in the next few weeks – a great time to study the typology of Sin – right before the celebration of His birth, as we prepare ourselves for Him to return again – why all this waiting and preparation? Because of SIN. But the children only get to this point by focusing before age 6 on being in a loving relationship with the Good Shepherd – He loves them, knows them each by name, protects them, goes looking for them when they are lost; then in 6-9, they understand they have a required response to these gifts of His – first He asks us to simply remain (the True Vine) but then there is SO much more. And they understand that living God’s laws is not always easy – and they recognize sin in their own lives – and they seek to *remain* on that vine. By level 3, we delve into the typology of it all – the account of 5 specific passages utilized during the Easter Vigil, how it was played out in the moment of Redemption, how it plays out today, and how it will be completely fulfilled at Parousia (the end of time when God will be all in all – 1 Cor. 15:28).

I would like to add that anyone interested in the religious nature of Montessori’s work would do well to look for earlier publications (NOT reprints from the 60s or more recent). Many reprints have had sections of the original publications stripped out due to their directly religious nature. So a book with 200 pages now, may have had as many as 300 pages originally. I can’t find the specific list off-hand, but will come back and post when I find it again.

Lorma, I realize I am very late in replying but to answer your question… Using your example of the child making a mess, the clean-up process doesn’t have to be a chore or necessarily unpleasant. I know this is a natural impulse for most of us, but you can turn the cleaning up into a game. Involve her in helping you, challenge her to pick up more pieces of spilled material than you, or see who can clean up more faster, etc. Just because it becomes fun doesn’t mean she’s not still learning that making a mess means cleaning up afterwards, that the two are linked.

Further, you can try to explore why she may be intentionally making a mess. Is she bored? Has too much energy? Hungry, tired? All of these things can lead to “misbehavior.” If, over time, we learn how to look for these signs and fix the underlying problem (go outside, get a snack, etc) you can prevent at least some of the undesirable behavior. You can also try finding different, more suitable ways of “making a mess” that are acceptable to you. Perhaps instead of spilling a cup of milk on the table, she’d like to play with water outdoors. Or make a painting, or work with playdoh… etc.

All of this takes patience, and practice, and lots of time and effort. Children will misbehave, because they are children and they don’t have the maturity or self-control to stop themselves every time yet. They will learn it… with time, especially if they have adults who are patient with them and help them, over time, see the connections between their actions and their results. None of this is learned in a day.

I know this is a couple years old, but what about the child who is physically aggressive, repeatedly, to other children in the classroom? Should a more “punative” approach not be taken? Especially if the behavior is jeopardizing the safety of others in the classroom.