I drive by this park all the time - it's located right next to my son's school - and it has this wonderful paved walking trail all along the edge. Every single time I drive by, I feel a surge of envy, watching all the people on the walking trail - walking, running, skating. There are people with strollers, kids, women chatting together in small groups, even elderly people, and I want so much to be among them. It's not the most beautiful park in our area, but I crave its normalcy, its freedom.

I wrote a couple of years ago about how much I miss exercise, and I still feel that way to some extent. I still can't let go and experience the pure joy of unfettered movement - running, dancing, etc. My walks are defined in part by their limits - I very carefully watch my heart rate and the time and constantly monitor my body for any signs that I need to stop. I walked today for 36 minutes, with an average heart rate of 85 and a maximum heart rate of 98.

But I am hugely grateful that my world has expanded by this little bit. Taking that walk in the park today, alongside the other walkers - like a real person! - felt like a huge victory. I'll take my victories where I can, since they've been few and far between these last nine years!

12 comments:

Congratulations Sue! That is a great achievement and I'm glad that it has given you such joy. I have been inspired to buy a heart rate monitor having read how useful yours has been. It isn't here yet! I'm getting impatient, although I'm also a little nervous about using it.

Oh, that's fantastic! I'm so happy for you. I miss exercise too. I have an accelerated heart rate too and heart palps that I'm on a beta blocker for. My doctor said I have POTS, at least that's what he thinks it may be. But I miss exercise so much. I can do about 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill now every few days, but it's still sometimes a huge struggle with the CFS. I am so happy I saw your article with all the links. I'm going to check them all out and get myself a heart rate monitor and try and stay within my "envelope" of energy. Thank you so much for posting this and congratulations on your walk, Sue.

I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS or CFIDS) since March 2002. My 19-year old and 16-year old sons also have CFS, and my older son also has Lyme disease plus two other tick infections. This blog is about how our family is learning to live with chronic illness, with a focus on living and enjoying our lives in spite of these challenges.