Sharing the Hope found after WLS!

Struggling to find your voice? February 13, 2011

I got this in my mailbox from Spark People and wanted to share it. We as WLS peeps can chew on this VERY useful tidbit of information as we are faced with these struggles daily. This really jogged my brain and I hope it does yours too! Once again….we have a choice about how we cope….
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Struggling to find your voice

In the face of conflict we might be tempted to just go with the flow and not make waves. The path of least resistance is saying “yes” when you want to say “no” and that road is always paved with regrets and mistakes. While compromise is good and a necessary part of healthy relationships, no one should have to fully deny their feelings and remain voiceless while others dominate a situation. It might feel easier to nod your head and passively agree, but in the long run you are being cheated. While there might be a whole list of justifications and excuses for stepping off the path of your principles, staying true to yourself reaps countless more rewards than selling out to appease someone else. Reconcile today the negative passivity you have displayed in the past.

“It is the path of least resistance that makes rivers and men crooked.” ~ B.J. Palmer, father of chiropractic

Finish Well,

Emi

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4 Responses to “Struggling to find your voice?”

This is a wonderful thought. I am going to save it for the future. Right now I am working with a group on establishing a long-term bariatric support group. We’ve surveyed our larger support group. This is an excellent discussion starter for sure.

I’m glad you find it as useful as I do. So many times each day we are faced with choices and how we react to situations. This post can also go hand in hand with my other post “Ass-u-me to Accept”, I encourage you to read it too! Social support before, during, and after surgery is the 2nd most importatnt tool in success, with journaling and logging being the first of importance. I am proud of you on your woking towards a long-term support group, it is crucial. Keep me posted on your sucess and let me know if their is anything I can do to help out!

HOW we choose to speak up (or out) is as important as actually CHOOSING to do it. I am learning that, if I have decided to speak up with the goal of “changing” someone’s action, thought or behavior, then my motivation is misguided. I spent my whole life trying to change what other people thought about me. Not surprisingly, it very rarely happened, and when it did, it was because THEY wanted to change; not so much because I wanted them to 😉

I guess what I’m thinking is, before I go into battle to refute, legitimize or otherwise negate what someone else is saying, I have to be as certain as possible that my motivation is strictly to stand up for myself (or the thing I’m defending), and nothing else. Does that make sense?

I can’t say, “I hate it when you say things about me because it hurts and I want you to stop.” Oh, sure, I can WANT them to stop, but that can’t be my reason for speaking. My reason has to be that they need to know what happens when they do or say a certain thing, and be aware that I will continue to inform them if they continue to hurt me.

I know that sounds passive and frustrating, but it really does follow the “WHEN YOU ‘A’, I FEEL ‘B’, BECAUSE ‘C’ SO I NEED ‘D.’

Like: “When you smoke, I feel physically sick and emotionally concerned, because I am allergic to smoke and I believe it is bad for your health, so i need to not be around you when you do it. If you choose to do it around me, I will continue to let you know how I feel about your choice.”

The psychological landscape is a battlefield sometimes…the ideal goal is not to get hurt, but failing that, the goal is to not get killed 😉 Purposely falling on someone’s landmine defeats the purpose 😉 (Unless your goal is to save *others*…in which case, you’re going to severely limit your longevity — LOL.)

So well said Cari! All of it is so very true. It is so hard to not be affected by ones negative behavior towards you but that is where your self-esteem comes in to effect. Knowing who YOU are and what YOU need and DON’T need is all that matters and all that negativity just bounces right off of you and is not effective in your life. I knew I really liked you for some reason! 😉