Question

Have I put my 2-year-old in preschool too soon? How do I know if he's really ready for it?

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I'm a stay at home mom who decided to put her son in preschool for 3 hours a day.I did so for him, thinking it would be best for him to play and socialize with other kids his age.I am VERY unsure about my decision and am having MANY doubts whether or not I did the right thing.He wakes up in the morning and refuses to get dressed for he knows where he's going.He gets to school and has to be pried away from my arms.He cries only briefly then he's off playing.I pick him up to find that his voice is all 'coarse'like he's losing it!When I ask the teachers if he cried they say that he was happy.When I pick him up,he is thrilled to see me and starts FREAKING out to leave right away.He'll tell me he had fun (only cause I drill him everyday about school being fun)but when I ask him if he wants to go back, he's quick to reply NO!He is also very advanced in his speech but ever since preschool, he's been talking jibberish!I feel like I am doing more harm than good?Is he maybe not ready for school?

Mom Answers

I am a preschool teacher and if I were you I'd wait another year. The last thing you want is for him to start his school years off with a negative impression of school. School should be something exciting that he looks forward to. Two is too young for most children. I enrolled my daughter at two, but it was a program specifically designed for toddlers and it was only one day a week for two hourts and a parent (me) had to stay the whole time. At the end of the year they had us start leaving for short periods of time, building up to one hour, to help them transition to preschool for this year. She's now three and LOVES school. At two, she wouldn't have felt comfortable with me leaving. If your area dosen't offer programs like this, look into play groups, YMCA programs, or other things where your child gets socialization, you get to stay, and that only meet once or twice a week. At two, he's still at toddler and toddlers have very different needs than preschoolers!

Please trust your instincts. Children are ready for different things at different times. You say your son was advanced in his speech. That's great. Think of all the other ways he is advanced. It's a credit to him and to your parenting skills. But there are things that other kids are ready for that he may not be ready for yet. He may be demonstrating a healthy attachment to his mom (most kids go through a burst of independence around age 3). Why push him too fast? The best place for a 0-3 child is with his Mom or another loving caregiver who he feels comfortable with. If he's spending all morning just "keeping it together" then he's not spending that time developing. Think of how happy he would be if he spent that time with you. For socialization, why not join a moms club? If others are telling you that he needs preschool now so he's ready for kindergarten, remind yourself that kindergarten is years away. You know your child best. Listen to him, and listen to yourself.

From your description of the situation, it seems very clear that he does not like school. The fact that he tries to make the best of it after you leave is to his credit, but that does not change the basic situation. It can be very difficult for a 2 year old to play happily with even one other child in their own home, with mommy right there, let alone with 10 or more children in a strange place and no support from mommy. Instead of school, why not try some playdates with just one or two other children? In my experience, toddlers seem to blossom in slightly mixed-age groups. Whenever my 2.5 year old spends some time with a slightly older child, say 6 to 12 months older, she seems to have a ton of fun and learn a lot. She seems to get lots new ideas after playing with her older "mentor". She also enjoys being the "big kid" to her baby sister and my friends' babies. School is far from being the only, or the best, place a child can socialize.

I started my son in school when he turned 2-but I transitioned him for 3 months by taking him over to my sister's house full-time b/c she was a stay at home mom. It still took him a few weeks to adjust to the new teachers at his school but he understood that I would be back. Some mornings he still will say I don't want to go to school and I will say I don't want to go to work-then he laughs. I expain to him why mommy has to go to work. Its been almost a year of preschool and I feel like he has developed socially and mentally. He turns 3 in January and already knows: colors, shapes, counts to 20, days of the week, months of the year, abc's, and letter/sound recognition. I wouldn't have thought he was ready for over half of those things-but he was. I feel very connected to his teacher/school just by making myself present-calling once a week to talk to the teacher during nap time-go with your instincts b/c not all providers are good providers. Maybe look into another school.

I am a preschool teacher and can tell you that it really depends on your child, so it may be too soon to tell. Most children do have a hard time separating from their parents in the begining and will say they hate school or are afraid to go, but really what they are afraid of is separating from their parents. One thing you should avoid dis drilling him about what he is doing in school. Let him tell you when he is ready Also, when you drop him off, simply say "good-bye" and leave. If he is hysterical for the entire 3 hours, he probably isn`t ready, but if he is gradually letting getting used to the routine and to the class, allow him som more time. Let him tell you when he is ready. The jibberish he is picking up from other children. It doesn`t mean he has lost his vocabulary, simply that he is learning to socialize with others and unfortunately, learning to socialize can be pretty hair raising at times, but remember he is learning right now, and sometimes needs the guidence.

my son is 23 months and i put him in a montessori preschool 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. he's been going there since he was 18 months and he loves it! i think it really depends on the school and each child is different. for the first 2 week, he did cry when i left but only for a few minutes. now, i drop him off and before i can ask for a kiss goodby he's off playing. then when i come to pick him up sometimes he doesn't want to leave. the montessori approach is very calming which i think has a lot to do with my son's readiness. i would recommend a montessori preschool to those people who are having bad luck with other types of preschools. ours is set up in a house environment, the teachers speak calmly, there is a lot of natural light, the whole environment is just very relaxed. at school he has learned to use the big potty, drink from a cup, put his plate/cup away after he is done, and wash his hands. i can't say enough good things about the montessori approach, i love it!

I would say that preschool is probably not working for him right now. My mom in law once said to me that it seems like in today's world we don't let our kids be kids for very long...I mean they have 12 years of school plus preschool, Pre-K, etc....so why rush it? He has plenty of time to get used to the idea and routine of going to school. In my area we have Nursery school which is meant for children ages 2-3 and it is only about 1.5 hrs a day, two times a week. It is a little time away to socialize with other kids, but not too much time away from mommy. You might see if they offer this in your area? Otherwise you might look into weekly playdates or play groups to ease him into this experience. IF you can find a couple other moms in your area, then you guys can take turns during play dates watching the kids while one of two of the moms run errands for an hour or so. This might ease him into time away from you in little steps?

I researched this before I put my daughter in preschool. (She's the first of 3.) We were in a "transition" mommy and me program. When separation became part of the agenda, my daughter began to have stress reactions like your son. Hers included night terrors and night walking. As soon as I pulled her out of that program, these things faded away. I began to research it and from a developmental stand point they are not ready to separate before 2 years 9 months. That's why many preschools don't start until children are 2.9. You might consider looking for a school that will also do a gradual separation, having you leave briefly at first, then for longer periods as your son adjusts. Remember, he is learning to trust other adults and for this to happen he needs you to feel like you are releasing him into situation where he will be nurtured and cared much the way you would care for him at home.

I am a preschool teacher and if I were you I'd wait another year. The last thing you want is for him to start his school years off with a negative impression of school. School should be something exciting that he looks forward to. Two is too young for most children. I enrolled my daughter at two, but it was a program specifically designed for toddlers and it was only one day a week for two hourts and a parent (me) had to stay the whole time. At the end of the year they had us start leaving for short periods of time, building up to one hour, to help them transition to preschool for this year. She's now three and LOVES school. At two, she wouldn't have felt comfortable with me leaving. If your area dosen't offer programs like this, look into play groups, YMCA programs, or other things where your child gets socialization, you get to stay, and that only meet once or twice a week. At two, he's still at toddler and toddlers have very different needs than preschoolers!

Just hang tough. I started my son, Colin, in preschool this summer. He wasn't quite 3 yet & he had a tough time initially. He would chase me to the door, cry, tell me he didn't want to go. I felt just the way you did & would go home in tears. I'm a working mom so he is used to being away from me. He stays with family members though.
Colin's teachers told me that a few minutes after I left each time he would stop the crying and start playing with the other kids. So I decided to simply drop him off with a Kiss and a See you later alligator. We would talk about what he did in school, what friends he would see when he would go back, & what activities he would be doing. Once I felt better about leaving him at preschool he became more confident and stopped the crying episodes. His teacher's called it the "mommy show". We would also take a special trip after preschool such as the playground, or an occasional McDonald's or donut shop visit.

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