My Father's Wake

An intimate, lyrical look at the ancient rite of the Irish wake–and the Irish way of overcoming our fear of death

Death is a whisper for most of us. Instinctively we feel we should dim the lights, pull the curtains, and speak softly. But on a remote island off the coast of Ireland’s County Mayo, death has a louder voice.

Each day, along with reports of incoming Atlantic storms, the local radio runs a daily roll call of the recently departed. The islanders go in great numbers, young and old alike, to be with their dead. They keep vigil with the corpse and the bereaved company through the long hours of the night. They dig the grave with their own hands and carry the coffin on their own shoulders. The islanders cherish the dead–and amid the sorrow, they celebrate life, too.

In My Father’s Wake, acclaimed author and award-winning filmmaker Kevin Toolis unforgettably describes his own father’s wake and explores the wider history and significance of this ancient and eternal Irish ritual. Perhaps we, too, can all find a better way to deal with our mortality–by living and loving as the Irish do.

Kevin Toolis is a writer and BAFTA-winning filmmaker. The author of a celebrated chronicle of Ireland’s Troubles, Rebel Hearts: Journeys within the IRA’s Soul, he has written for the New York Times Magazine and The Guardian and reported on conflicts around the world. His family has lived in the same village on an island off the coast of County Mayo for the last two hundred years. Toolis makes his home on the island and in London.

What's Inside

reader reviews

Praise

"The windswept Irish island of My
Father's Wake is one of the final remote outposts of true death engagement
in the Western world. Toolis's book is both memoir and anthropology, and serves
as a refreshing counterpoint to the industrialized, for-profit death industry
we've come to wrongly believe is our only option."--Caitlin Doughty, author of
the New York Times bestsellers Smoke Gets in Your Eyes and From Here to Eternity

"As a boy, he learned to kiss the corpse at a traditional island wake. As a filmmaker and witness to death in many conflict zones around the world, Kevin Toolis has written a profound book on the culture of grief and death, placing the personal alongside the political in a vivid exploration of our ancient ways of coming together around the dead. This is a moving family story, a memoir of loss and exile, a deep understanding of what makes us alive, casting a cold eye on what is precious and so often denied."--Hugo Hamilton

"A gut-wrenching exploration of death from an Irish perspective...A fascinating view of what most of us try not to consider: the end of life...This book is not for the faint of heart, as the experiences [Toolis] shares will leave readers emotionally raw. It is unquestionably rewarding, however, a thought-provoking argument against a sterile and industrial view of death...Intimate, eye-opening."—Kirkus (starred review)

"[A] poetically written and heartfelt memoir."—Irish Voice

"An exceptionally personal and moving story."—BookPage

"In this stimulating and poignant narrative, Kevin Toolis armed with his Irish heritage gives a heart wrenching description of the death and wake of his father as he delves into the broader history, rituals, and meaning of the Irish wake...With an inspiring and refreshing message at its core, My Father's Wake rejoices in the spiritual depth of the Irish views on mortality."—New York Journal of Books

"A book especially for St. Patrick's Day, to be sure, but filled with powerful advice for every day."

—WTBF Radio

"Visceral and profound."

—New York Times Book Review

"Read Kevin's book for a peek into the rites and rituals of an ancient past. My Father's Wake teaches us that death does not need to be reinvented, we don't need to find new ways...we need to uncover and rediscover the old ways."

—The Order of the Good Death

A New York Times Book Review Editors' Choice

"Syntax and word, rhythm and rite roll and surge in this tribute to a wordsmith's dying father, Sonny-and to the neglected Irish practice of 'waking the dead'...A worthy read."—Englewood Review of Books

"At once heartwarming and horrifying."—Norfolk Virginian-Pilot

"A former war correspondent, Toolis has seen more than his fair share of death and is here to shake us out of our complacency."—Times Literary Supplement