Another excruciatingly long summer is over. Actual hockey games are on the horizon. Because this is the 265th most widely read hockey blog on the internets, MYFO felt a deep obligation to our dozens of readers to prepare this series of previews telling you about every single team in the NHL. By “prepare” we mean, we found other people to write many of them for us. We were looking for people who (unlike us) might have an actual clue about these teams, but were also eager/willing/dumb/not self-respecting enough to work for free. Within those constraints, we think we did an admirable job.

Your preview of the Calgary Flames is brought to you by Leanne from Open Ice Hits. Enjoy.

Not every team in the playoffs gets to hoist the Stanley Cup. Try as they may, 29 teams will end their hockey-related obligations without lifting the Holy Grail of Hockey. We here at MYFO encourage you to erase their substandard play from your collective memory, and join us in wishing them good luck on the golf course.

Next up, Raskolnikov with the Calgary Flames, who lost 4 games to 3 to the San Jose Sharks. Golfers use bulls to drive from hole to hole.No one ever plays the course in the correct order.Continue reading →

My fellow MYFO comrades will provide great subjective and/or objective analysis of the other six playoff series.That’s not my modus operandi.Instead, I’ll provide three things that I want to take place in each series.

You fucking turdsucking shitheads, if we don’t get out of this mistake by the lake city with 2 points, I’m gonna piss on your mothers’ graves.The last time these turds went to the Stanley Cup, you know who was the coach?That’s right, yours fucking truly!Do you know who’s in net for them?Patrick Lalime.HE’S A HUMAN PONG PADDLE!!!And a slow one at that!Like playing your cross-eyed five year old cousin at ping pong!If we can’t beat this group of numbnuts, I’ll make you skate Mikeys!