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The Countdown

So the count down begins, only 5 more days til I get to start progesterone and then clomid, I couldn't be more excited and apprehensive about this journey. I have waited so long to have a child and now I feel guilty and scared, scared because I am a strong believer in the whole 2012 thing and guilty because my ex still has a lot of my heart and has just lost his mom who was also like a mom to me and he really needs me now and wants nothing more than for me to come back so he won't be alone. I was his first and only love and abandoned him for my childhood sweetheart. We (my ex and I) both agreed to move on but somehow now he has changed his mind and I haven't the heart to tell him that I am engaged and planning to start a family with someone else. I thought when we broke it off due to me being so far away that it would be the end of his hopes of me coming back, I never thought I'd even come close to hearing that he had not moved on and probably never will. I know he needs me now more than ever and had he been one of the many that did me wrong and broke my heart I'd have no problem telling him straight out that I was with someone else but he is the only man that never hurt me and to this day has loved and been there for me unconditionally. I'm so torn and don't know what to do other than pray and hope that everything that's meant to happen will happen and hopefully no one gets hurt beyond repair.