Sew what, NFL!

(c) Kathiann M. Kowalski

The NFL has a new “public safety policy” this year: no purse, no fanny pack, no diaper bag, no backpack, not even a binocular case.

In my view, NFL’s “Be Clear” policy clearly has a discriminatory effect on women. We wouldn’t mess with a purse if clothing manufacturers gave us enough roomy pockets for us to carry around our necessary stuff.

You’re lucky if you can fit a small coin purse in some of the front slash pockets of the pricier slacks sold at Coldwater Creek, Chicos, and JCPenney. And don’t get me started on those fake welt decorations on the backs of pants. They promise a pocket, but give you nothing.

Thus, NFL’s “Be Clear” policy won’t really affect whether guys can carry in their wallets, chewing gum, combs, and other stuff securely. Many women, however, will either have to leave the wallet at home or scour stores for pants that can accommodate it.

Fortunately, I have the luxury of saying, “Sew what, NFL!” When I go to games this year, I’ll be wearing some of my clothes made from Saf-T-Pockets patterns.

And while lots of NFL teams will likely be selling overpriced see-through bags, I can make my own 12” x 6” x 12” clear plastic bag. And I already have!

I don’t got to a lot of NFL games, but the last thing I want to worry about is how to carry in my stuff. Nor do I want to buy one of the NFL’s bags and let them profit from a policy that I believe has a discriminatory effect.

What’s more, I made a separate bag for my friend Tina. She’s got season tickets, so she goes to a LOT of games. Tina’s tote is a slightly different design, with a top-closing zipper for security. The zipper is pink, of course.

(c) Kathiann M. Kowalski

Unfortunately, any necessary personal products will still be on view for everyone to see. It wouldn’t be so bad if the NFL’s restrooms dispensed free sanitary products or disposable diapers of different sizes.

My response: Slip-in sleeves on both bags I made carry a quote from the character Esposito in Woody Allen’s classic movie, Bananas:

“In addition to that, all citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside so we can check.”

It’s probably too much to hope that the gate checkers will see through to the irony.