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Monday, July 25, 2011

Sometimes Parents Are Morons ♥

You annoy me, Harry Potter, but you're still not as annoying as that f*cking idiot who brought her 4 year old to see this

On Saturday night, The Man and I ditched our kids at Grandparents' House O' Fun, SPECIFICALLY so we could go see THE LAST HARRY POTTER MOVIE.

Because that's how I roll now: I get all excited for Harry Potter films. Of which there will be no more. Oh, and I make sure to go to the EARLY SHOW, so I don't have to stay up so late. But I still stayed up too late, because as soon as we returned home, we spent the next 2 and a half hours watching MY BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING on tv, because, people--that is a TRAIN WRECK that you can not look away from. I've never seen anything so fantastically tacky and overblown in my whole life. Completely fascinating.

But, like I was saying, we were all geared up to see the last Potter flick. It's a bit sad that it was the last one, because 98% of movies coming out these days SUCK, so who knows when the next good movie will come along. Incidentally, I don't get this: there are a lot of good books out there that could be turned into fantastic movies. Do we REALLY need another shitty ROM-COM starring Jennifer Why-is-she-so-rich-and-famous Aniston?!?

I'm not terribly sad that it was the end of the Harry Potter series, because, come on--what was that, like 7 years of Potter movies or something? No, I'm not doing the math on it, that was a guess. It was a lot at any rate.

So, what do we know about this series of movies? Well, like the books, the first one was filled with light-hearted whimsy and magic and some PG ideas about villains and bad guys. Perfectly fine for the kids.

Anything after that? Erm, no. The movies are chock full of darkness and murder and that scary snake-faced idiot LORD VOLDEMORT. So, is this stuff too much for me? Of course not. I'm a freaking grown up. I would also say that the series became progressively "darker" as it wound its way to its fairly violent conclusion.

Once again, no problem. Fine for older kids and adults. Very imaginative, good story line, good characters; fun, really detestable villains.

And yet, there I was in line to get a drink before the show, and I saw a mom I recognized from the Nursery school, and her husband, and her two kids. Her son and daughter were twirling around the lobby in their Harry Potter robes. Oh, I did say NURSERY SCHOOL, did I not??

HER SON IS FREAKING FOUR YEARS OLD...MAYBE ONLY JUST TURNED FOUR.

Seriously? Is she retarded? I couldn't stop thinking about what a total freaking idiot she is on and off during the movie. At first The Man tried to justify it by saying; "maybe they'd seen all the other movies," because yeah, that makes it all better.

I'm not going to give anything away...but after certain characters died, I hissed at him; "good scene for a FOUR YEAR OLD?" Then, during another part in the movie when dead bodies are all over the place, I whipped my head over again:

So, there I was feeling all self-righteous and totally uppity, and then I remembered my little outing with the kids last week:

karen's Attempt to Cram The Little Savages Full of Culture

Okay, so since summer I've been trying lots of different ways to keep the kids occupied, and keep blood-shed and screaming to a minimum. I decided to take them to our local art gallery, because I hadn't been, and because Jack likes art, and I figured there'd be some entertaining stuff for kids as well.

Little did I know that the gallery is typically RINKY DINK for this city, which means that there is next to no funding, so it's a little ... lacking (ie; LAME).

We walked in, and most of the lights were off in the place because, hell, nobody else was there to look at art, and they have to save money. The youngish, hip curator of the gallery, quickly leapt up from his office, and I explained that we wanted to see the art. For some reason, the only freaking artist featured in the whole gallery is William Kurelek. You can read about him HERE, but I warn you: he's Canadian and therefore slightly bland :) OH, don't get all bent out of shape fellow Canadians: you know we're pleasant and slightly bland.

The gallery guy got a little wide eyed, and suggested that some of the works are a bit much for children, and maybe I should preview them first before deciding to let the kids see. Aw hell, I figured, I'm all new-agey and cool, and my kids and I TALK about stuff together, and if anything is a little provacative, we'll DISCUSS it together.

Erkay...the guy looked a little doubtful, but who is he to argue. So, he flicked some more lights on, and in we went. There's a fairly extensive section on Kurelek's Christ series, so if you're a fan of The Jesus, you'd probably find your trip worthwhile. I got a little tripped up at the pic where they've crowned him with thorns, and tried to explain it to a wide-eyed Ella as best as a heathen could. Okay, a bit much, but whatever. Moving along.

And then we came to the shiniest gem of all: Kurelek's graphic anti-abortion painting. If you'd like to see it, the only link I could find is HERE. Well poor little Ella looked HORRIFIED when she saw it, and I had to do some rapid back-peddling, and lie my ass off:

Moron Moi: "Oh, that's not BABIES...no, that's broken dolls and they're covered with KETCHUP!" Isn't that WEIRD? Well, that's how artists are sometimes--they want their art to be WEIRD. Ha ha ha, what a stupid painting eh? Come on kids, let's go play in the KIDS' section."
Then the next day, she was still thinking about it:

Ella: "but Mom, all those broken dolls would make me CRY."

Stupid Super-Liar Moron Moi: "didn't you see the other painting where all the dolls are FIXED? You didn't see that one? How did you miss it?!? Oh yeah...they're all fixed. Ha ha, aren't artists STRANGE sometimes honey?"

34 comments:

i would only let him watch these movies if i did not need any sleep for the next few nights,'cause i know there will be nightmares!since we do love 'THE JESUS' i would let him see that painting, as a chistian, it is important to really know what he went through to save us,plus Gabe has seen pics like that and he knows the context, so he is not freaked or scared.

We took Ben and Cohen to 6th St in downtown Austin Texas. Talk about culture...Ben came home VERY educated! Yikes! What were we thinking???As for Harry Potter...Ben (who is almost 8) has not seen any of the movies....I started to read him teh first book at bed time and...well, that proved to be too much...a talking cat gave him nightmares. I decided to wait a few more years to re-introduce Harry Potter to him.

Yeah, Paula, I didn't think the Christ series were so bad because that is a well-known story, to say the least. It was a bit heavy for a kid who knows nothing about it yet, but then, so is life. The abortion painting was WAY over the top though.

See, Gabe is much older than 4 and you still have reservations about him seeing it, which personally I think is justified!

6th St in Austin is kinda like Queen St W in TO...but stranger and a Texas twist to it...its full of homeless (it happens, but they were very aggressive) and people letting it all hang out...and adult stores and tons of bars...smoke shops...dont get me wrong here...if it was just Rich and I, we would have been okay...but with our kids in tow...we had to answer a lot of questions that day!! Needless to say...we walked down one side of this party street...and left the area...Ben learned too much that day...Not too long ago, we took only Ben to TO to meet Nikki Sixx (as Ben is named after him, middle name) and spent the whole day TO...bad choice? Meeting Nikki, good choice...that was awesome...spending 6 hours in downtown Toronto....dumb on our part. Walking down a side street, Ben was draggign his han downteh side of a building "Ben move your hand!""why""Theres barf AHHH" "Did some have the flu?"ugh...yeah..poor guy, couldnt make it to the washrom..."a bit later walking down Queen St W...we passed the lovely condom Shack, whick nicely had a model wearign a bra and panty type thing made up of those candy necklaces in the front window...Bens eyes got HUGE! "mom...did you see that!! Why would they do that???me every so caught. off. guard." well, I think they had up there for April Fools day and forgot to take it down.""thats a silly joke...who would want to candy off of a girl??""yeah...thats just silly...someone should tell them to take that display down..."Thats how that day went...What were we thinking??

no way, no harry potter for us. but this is my child who gets nightmares from watching scooby doo, so we pretty much don't let her watch anything that might even hint at being scary. she doesn't even want to. i also wonder what the hell the parents are smoking when i see them taking small children to nasty movies. kinda sucks away the enjoyment of the movie for me when i know some poor kid is sitting nearby, getting scarred for life.

I was at a museum recently that had a conceptual art exhibit that featured some nudity. Some poor mortified Mom was there with her kids trying to get them all cultured and stuff. It pays to do a little research.

You, my friend, are funny. I have nothing to say about the issue at hand because my child is only 18mos. And lets face it, at this point if she would actually sit still to wathc a movie I would probably let her watch anything she wanted. I am that tired.

Interesting...I had to make a similar judgement call yesterday. Gabe and his buddies wanted to watch a DVD of Lord of the Rings and after debating in my heart for a few minutes thought that Gabe might be ready for it now. But then I found out that it was the third movie, not the first and I had to backpeddle in my decision and apologize that I had not realized which one it was at first. Believe it or not, Gabe and his buddy understood completely, and while disappointed a bit, they did not argue. His friend even said that there are a couple of 'fast forward scenes' that he doesn't watch - but then proceeded to describe them, making me wonder how effective 'fast-forwarding' really is...

Anyhoo, all that to say that I agree with your assessments. Doesn't matter what the visual medium is.

However, what about literary stuff? I may read The Hobbit to Gabe soon, 'cause he liked the CS Lewis book series. I remember listening to an album set of The Hobbit when I was his age. Do books have a different line than movies?

Steph, I wear candy underpants all the time. ALL THE TIME. IN SIZE XXXXL. Sheesh. Yeah, that was a great story about your travels through two different towns with similar SUPER REAL LIFE ADVENTURES. I have ZERO love for toronto. Jon says it always smells like pee.

mmm...pee.

Poor Ben. I wonder if he thought about these subjects at all afterward.

Sherilin, wonderful, re; what the parents are smoking when they take their kids to scary movies. No kidding! All I could think of was Ella, who had that kid for a classmate. Ella only JUST stopped being terrified of Shrek. Honestly.

Scooby Doo can be very creepy, and always tedious, so, you're missing nothing.

It does indeed pay to do a little research, dbs. IT DOES INDEED. Let that be a lesson to me as far as art galleries go. I was just expecting it to be all group of seven, with some graphic bible themed art thrown in.

you know Matt, Jon was just wondering if Jack was old enough for LOTR. He was thinking of the land of Hobbitses. I was thinking about the other 95% of the movie. Yeah, Jack would have loved it when the Orks came charging out to kill everyone.

Hmm...that is a very good question about literature versus movies. I think the Hobbit's not so bad as I recall. I mean, Gollum is scary, but the book uses enough convoluted, high-fallutin language that many kids would only have the vaguest idea of what's going on.

Hm, I would say the books and movies are pretty much the same. I wouldn't read the other Harry Potter books to Ella, same as I wouldn't let her see the movies at this age.

we let brooke watch the lotr movies, but only if she watches them with us so we can tell her when she needs to bury her face in a pillow. and now she's seen them enough that she hears certain music & knows what's coming, so she hides herself without being told.

Has Ben thougth about this stuff afterwards...yes...yes he does...he reminds me of the candy underpants ALL.THE.TIME. He loves to tell the storey as well...We try to get our kids out ansd seethe world then, think after wards...should really have done that?? Now that Ben is a bit older...sometimes we are upfront with him and try our best to explain things to him...only to have it backfire...he then feels all special and tells people liek his Granny or his Grandparents...opps! Ben has been askign recently to watch the Batman movies. I havent seen any of them in years...so i have said no, may be another day....is he too young? I do remember when I was his age...i used to watch scary movies all the time with my sister...and i was listening to Guns N Roses. I had no idea what the songs were about. I knew all of the words...but had no clue what they talkign about. I was Ben age! How scary!? Hahahaha...you wear the candy underpants all the time..hahaha...i bet they are VERY comfy!!

nope, no scary movies, with any violence, creepy faces or characters for us.

it was madeleine, that dog buddy who could play basketball, annie, little house on the prairie, fiddler on the roof. ( the daughters ran around with receiving blankets on their heads for years singing "matchmaker")

etc.

An episode of Touched by an Angel freaked my 4 year old out for years.....when a lions eyes turn red....paid a price for that one in night mares for at least 4 years running.

BUT out of pure boredom on my part, i dragged husband out to see BRIDESMAID..........WITH ABOUT A 7 AND 9 YEAR OLD CHILDREN sitting beside us with their parents......full frontal nudity, dry humping sexual inuEndos, the whole nine yards........WHY DID THEY NOT LEAVE WITH KIDS IN TOW???????????

i wanted to smack myself for going to see such a dumb movie, but was left cringing everytime nudity came on the screen for poor embarrassment for those kids.

and we wonder why kids are sexual at 11 and 12? good one parents!

i wondered what the car ride home was like for them...did they talk?how do you explain dry humping with and enormous wet stain through jeans to an 9 year old?

For a long time I would only let my kids watch the first 3 Harry Potters. Then they staged a revolt and I let them watch up to Half Blood Prince. Actually, we watched that one as a family, but I fell asleep at the most important part.

My kids a currently 11 and 5 1/2 and don't seem to be scared by Harry Potter. However, I will probably put off seeing the last 2 for as long as I can.

Thanks for sharing Jennifer. Like I said about the Potter films: they get progressively WORSE as far as scariness for kids and general violence is concerned. Fine for me, but I still think the last movie is a lot for a really young brain to handle. My kids have seen the first one a million times, but maybe never all the way through thanks to that useless youthful attention span.

I usually wait a couple weeks after a movie comes out just to avoid the mad rush.People who wear pants with pockets that allow quarters to fall out, hit concrete, and make loud echoing dings throughout the movie should be beaten to death by a group of midgets with bats....that's all I'm saying.

A&A, I TOTALLY forgot about the Voldemort coming out of the back of the guy's head part!! I don't think my kids have ever seen that far in the movie because they just kept starting it over again, and getting bored after about 45 minutes. Geesh--I wonder what my daughter would think of that..or Jack for that matter!