Welcome To Love Upside The Head: The Power To Change

April 1, 2009

Hello, friends. My name is Damian and I am your new host for this website. In these times of economic uncertainly, I was happy to help Mark out by buying the rights to these pages, and by doing so I can help all of you.

As part of the ownership transfer, I’ve agreed to keep all of the site’s old articles intact and available, and I promised to uphold Mark’s mission to help out the gay and lesbian community in whatever way I can. You see, having been involved with homosexuality in my past, I know what it’s like to struggle as a homosexual. That is why I’m eager to deliver my message of love and hope directly to people just like you through this website.

First, I’ll get the obvious out of the way: There will be some big differences on this site from now on. For starters, I’m not an artist. For this post, I’ve scanned in some doodles that Mark made on the contract of the site’s sale terms, but eventually I’ll be showcasing the beautiful works of Eugene Poisson D’Avril, a wonderful and talented oil painter who volunteers frequently at our church. I will also eventually relocate the old posts to a separate archival section of the site and rename all the pages to better communicate a more positive message of love and change: Love Upside The Head.

For now, though, my first action here will be to talk about change.

What is change?

Websters defines change as “to exchange larger units of money for smaller ones.” You see, I was once trapped by the black talons of homosexuality, and with your donation, I can provide the time and materials necessary to help you escape the homosexual lifestyle and put yourself on the path to a more fulfilling life.

For men, I will replace your lust for hot, sweaty, abdominal muscles and the chiseled landscape of the male body with your innate desire of boobies. For women—you’re all just confused. It’ll pass. But through the power of love, you too will learn to repress your biological desires into a black ball in the pit of your stomach and live a life of feigned contentment with a new, heterosexual partner. Or, failing that, a life of total solitude and abstinence, just like me.

So, welcome, everyone, to Love Upside The Head! I look forward to being your guide on the journey to change!

Your pal, Damian.

Update 9:45 PM : Good news! I, Mark, have regained control of this website. All will be back to normal very soon! I had no idea Damian was going to do this with the site’s direction. If only you could have heard what he told me beforehand… Luckily, by inserting the doodles I scribbled on our agreement into the post, he had published content from a confidential contract in violation of its terms. So, I tore up the agreement and gave him back his toonie. I’ll get my laundry money elsewhere, thank-you-very-much!

For those who are feeling too groggy to think about when this was published, let the historians note that this was, indeed, an April Fool’s joke. Cheers, kiddos!

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