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What a title, Camille... You might want to number this thread so ladies don't get confused. I think the dating thread has blossomed into a journal of sorts for all of us. I still got the ovaries but hopes my oppprtunities and outcomes change for the better in October. Both my sons Bdays are on October, a day a part. Funny, you should mention Boo. After leaving him an IM to the tripping one he left me, I heard back from him. Just like nothing had happened, so I just went with it. He still has the fever even though he says it isn't as bad, whatever that means. I don't think he called his doc but I really can't worry about it. I want to but if I do then I will begin to stress again.

Last night I noticed that I broke out in a rash which started on the back of my arms but has since spread to different areas. I started a thread on it in Livng With. At the moment, I just took some liquid benadryl and am waiting to hear back from my ID doc. The clinic nurse, Leah thinks it could be the Bactrim, Ziagen, or one of the meds in Atripla. She kinda is going more for the Bactrim because she says if it was the Ziagen, there should've been a fever accompanied with it and she is not sure about the med in Atripla but has heard of it happening before. I hope it is not the Atripla because my body is just now getting back to normal from the minor side effects that I was having. I didn't take my dose of Bactrim today, Leah said not to, so that was cool with me. I think I will just let the benadryl do it's thing and catch a nap a little later on. I'm in a chilled kinda mood today which feels nice, not stressing about nada.

I am wondering how the other ladies are faring today? I know Cindy had things to do, she bowed out on me early on Yahoo last night. I am hoping things are getting better with Em and the adoption. Not sure what is going on with Sun and her men in uniform. I mean I have been reading their posts but am just wondering. Christy has been quiet too but I guess no news is good news, I hope.....

Cam, retype the title to read Dating Part VI: (etc), lol, its our "pattern" of sorts! LOLBT, as far as the pump, its the closest you can get to mimicking a true working pancreas. The pump is like an IV and yes, there is a small, plastic flexible cannula (needle) in you 24/7. It doesn't hurt, not usually, unless you hit a nerve or something, then you just pull the thing off (like a bandaid) and put on a new one. They are disposable. So, every three days I put on a new "pod" which is prefilled with insulin. Its remote controlled, no tubing, its all button pushing. Go to www.myomnipod.com to check it out, its been out about 2 years, I wear it on my lipo belly, just below the waist of my jeans.

GQ~ Sorry to hear about the rash, I hate itching, but its kind of something that diabetics are prone to. At least the poison ivy below is gone! That shit is a real bitch!

Cristy~ I know how tiring it must be working in a restaurant. I look forward to your posts over the weekend when you refuel!

I went to see a nutritionist today and talked for awhile. It was more like counseling and it felt good, hardly talked about food that much, because being diabetic, I know a lot about foods. I'm an avid label-reader! I will go back for another appointment because I want tips on how to lessen fatigue through diet, if I can.

So, I got out of that appointment and called to cancel with my recruiter, it was just too late and I was tired. I didn't want to drive an hour to their offices. Meanwhile, three other recruiters called today, one I cancelled Monday's appointment with as well. There is a recruiter in Frederick who has called me a few times already this summer and I am going to meet her tomorrow. She has a position that is all AP, AR, payroll for 18 people, 401K matching, job reporting....it sounds good and I told the recruiter I wasn't a "full charge" bookkeeper, that I still had a few things to learn, just never had the opportunity. Pay is low to mid 30s and you must like DOGS. The owner brings two dogs to work every day! Guess that's why its "a casual office environment" so I won't have to buy expensive clothes or wear uncomfortable shoes! I hope I can get my foot in the door, because this is exactly the position I have been waiting for! I have plenty of other recruiters, four to be exact, who all want to meet me next week, I said I would "think" over the weekend and call Monday. We'll see how it goes!

I am feeling good, but I haven't heard from Stone tonight. I'm thinking maybe he had a long day and crashed and burned. He had to get his son to school this morning in all of that traffic and it was an early day, so......

A friend of mine had his business card drawn at a local club and won a party for 100 people at the Inner Harbor in Baltimore. (www.howlatthemoon.com) I don't think I can make the trip all the way there. Its during happy hour and parking is across the street, but still its a long ways to go. I think I will go to the pos group tomorrow night that meets on Fridays. All of the gay guys will be there, so it will be nice to meet new people!

Saturday I am supposed to go with Stone to the Corn Maze, so hopefully he'll be into doing that. I love those things, and the weather for the next week is supposed to be clear, upper 70s and cool nights! I love it!

OK, so I just slid some money outta my savings to pay my bills with. Crap!

It is good to see that things is going ok with Christy. I know how it is to not feel like talking some days.. Yeah, I made the damn hush puppies but after taking a few bites realized I didn't want them after all. Maybe my roomie will munch on them later. I had cut my latest dose of benadryl in half cause I am not ready to go to sleep yet but see just one teaspoonful still leaves me itching. I am scratching my back like crazy and thinks the rash is moving to the front of my girl. My ears and face is itching a little bit too. But Cindy you are right, it is better to itch all over than down south. But I am prepared for that if it comes up again. OMFG, I feel like grabbing Lucifer draw his claws out and scratch my back to shreds. Ugh, how long is this freaking rash gonna last!!!!!! Guess, I'll sit back and watch some Cowboy Bebop on Cartoon Network....Night ladies...

Queen, I had a wicked rash a while ago and I took antihistamine (like for allergy), even though the rash was from the drugs (Sustiva at the time) it releived iit, it took a while to clear but that was better. Are you on anything like that?

I am not able to work today, I could really, really use someone like you working for me, ML... all those spreadsheets and charts, how in God's name did I wound up in that. Corn maize, sounds beautiful, no seasons here this year, just rain and rain...

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Well, the rash doesn't appear to have gotten any worse today. My ID doc has me taking liquid benadryl which seems to be helping. I'm suppose to call him around noon today to report what is going on. I think the Bactrim was the cause. The benadryl is also great cause it has also helped with my allergies as well as helping me sleep more soundly.

Nope, the rash hasn't gone away yet. The itching bothers me when I take only a teaspoon of the benadryl but when I take the 2 teaspoons I am out like a light. He says during the day take one or one and half teaspoons of the benadryl. Uh, never had crabs, so I can't say how that feels. Has had a yeast infection that had me itching like crazy. I have to drink a lot of fluids to try to flush the bactrim out of my system. ID doc told me to give him a call back on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Yeah, I was tripping about losing posts too or getting the timed out message. I thought it was something going on with my laptop. I will be glad when things are back working right. Copying everything is a major pain in the ass. Have a good weekend, girls....

Just checking in to say hi. I have been super busy at work and will take the time to post tomorrow or Sunday. My sister is coming into town with the niece and nephew tomorrow so I have to work a 12 hour day and come home to play with them. So most likely I will be posting on Sunday and will get you guys up to speed with Cop #1 and Cop #2. New developments not anything to exciting but making progress. Night to all, keep smiling and stay healthy. xoxoxoxoxo

Nice to see all of you here! I went to my support group tonight and met the gay guys, the last time I went it was women only. Most of the people are just like me, and there was a lot of love in the room tonight. I will keep going and make closer connections. We all agreed that it was nice to have a "network", if anyone needs something, there is plenty of help to be given. One person in there has been pos for 26 years! Amazing! The facilitator for the group is very happy that there are so many new faces, there were about a dozen of us tonight!

I have been calling Stone but haven't heard back. He has his son this weekend, so maybe my timing is just off. I really wanted to go to the Corn Maze tomorrow, but I guess it can wait until another weekend. Maybe I'll try to mow the lawn, but I'm scared cause I heard what I thought was the blade rattling last time. I have these visions of it coming loose and chopping off my leg, but I worry like that a lot, damn Sustiva! I'll just wear my duck boots and mow fast, really fast!

Here are some links to Corn Mazes. If you've never seen one or been in one, they are amazing! I love a good "puzzle" and that's what these are -- GIANT-SIZED ones!

First row, far right picture is the maze I went in, in 2005. With Mom Dad and 78yo grandmother! It looks simple from the air, but took us 3 hours to find the checkpoints and then get out! http://www.crumland.com/photos.php

This next one is amazing, its the one for this year, so I haven't gone yet! Its the "MOONLIGHT MAZE" (hee hee), so you go at NIGHT with a flashlight, and try to find all of the checkpoints. Open the link and scroll DOWN -- ITS HUGE! Who wants to go?http://www.mazeplay.com/showmaze.php?maze=50

Edited to add.....

BT~ The pump isn't a replacement for insulin. It IS insulin, just a different method of receiving it. I prefill the pod with Humalog, about 130 units for me, and that lasts me three days. I pull off the pump, the cannula (flexible plastic needle) slides right out without any pain, and I dispose of it. Every three days I prefill a new pod and put it on again. I get 30 pods at a time (90-day supply) from OmniPod sent via DHL. I get the insulin at the local pharmacy to fill them with. The blood sugar meter is also the remote control for the pod, with a bunch of presets that your doc determines for you. I get a "spec" (about one sixth of .75 units) administered every 10 minutes all day long. This is what likens the pump to an IV, its always in you, always "dripping" insulin into you to keep you on an even keel. When I eat meals or a snack, I test my sugar, tell the meter how many carbs I will be eating, and it calculates the extra amount of insulin I need for that meal, on top of the basal "24/7 drip" insulin. Its pretty complex, but I like it cause I'm a numbers nerd! Hee hee!

OK, going to try and post this now, lol. "CONTROL C" to copy, before I do! LOL

I think the posting thing has been resolved even though I am still having issues with my browser. This is one Witch who will have a ball on Halloween....*snaps her fingers* And I don't cackle or have a bump on my nose..Has issues with being misrespresented, nothing against your poem Em but am just saying. I know you didn't mean anything by it.

The itching is still there but feels a bit better. Still taking the benadryl but took a nice hot bath with baking soda in it which seem to help as well. Just checked my sugar, it was 66 and I was shaking like a leaf. It seems like I have more problems from the diabetes than the hiv...grrrrrrr. Either it's too damn high or it drops too low, it would be nice to have a happy medium.

Nothing to really talk about today. Just online and watching Silence of the Lambs, I love me some Hannibal, he could eat me all day.....

Queen, I've been known to say that if I had my choice between HIV and diabetes, I would take HIV. That's not meant lightly. I've been in really bad situations with HIV, but the diabetes thing is such a pain in the arse.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just got home from spending all day with Stone and his son at the corn maze! Oh we got SO turned around in there, walked for about 2 hours. You get pieces of the map as you go, so when you first go in, you don't know where the heck you're going. We saw farm animals, rode on pedal carts (yes, even ME!), had our pics taken in the pumpkins, went on a hayride at dusk--it was all so much fun! I absolutely love this time of year! Stone was very generous today, buying me lunch, park admission, dinner, wouldn't let me spend a dime. He can be very sweet. I worry when I don't talk to him for a few days, we hadn't spoken since Weds night and then he called late this morning. I'm glad he did!

Queen~ I'm sorry you've got the itchies still, I hope you're getting some relief. Yes, I know that benadryl can knock you on your butt, I take it to help me sleep sometimes. Not much else going on here. I'm going to go walk Cheech down to the mailbox on this beautiful crisp night, and get my Netflix. More "Sex in the City" -- it makes me laugh, lol! Have any of you ever watched it before?

Hello ladies. Have been really busy but will give more details Monday. I have just been pulling a lot of shifts this weekend. But I can go get new shoes for me and Robert so that makes me happy. Tired, going to bed soon

Oh wow. A high-risk post. I can't NOT do this! Take the supreme risk of typing, not copying, only to see if it goes poof or public. Here I go!

Oh yes...just wanted to say hi. I'm fine. Frustrated. Busier than ever. Have another paperwork mountain to climb, but the goal is good so I'll persevere.

It's rhyme time.

We be the very bestest Forum bitches!And some of us has the temporary itchesSoon comes the annual season of witchesYou'll hear us cacklin' at the highest pitches!

Love it, em. I have requested Hallowween off so I can take Robert out. I worked it last year so should get it off. We will have so much fun. Queen , hope your rash improves. I hate being itchy and have extremely sensitive Skin so am itchy a lot. Love ya'll. Will write again soon. Oh, i found a new man friend to write . He is intelligent and I will keep ya'll posted. Cristy

Cin, love the pictures! It looks like a lot of fun. I must say, I watched a couple episodes of Sex & the City, but I'm more of a Seinfeld type person. Everyone has different tastes though. I'm glad you had a nice time with Stone. I knew he was going to call you!

Cristy, I'm glad you're getting extra $ right now working a little extra. What will your son be wearing this Halloween?

I hope all you other ladies are doing o.k. Your Highness, I'm hoping your rash is clearing by today. I'm going to do a little exercising (it helps me to not want to smoke) and get ready for church.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Looks great, this corn maze, and T-shirt weather, here is rain poncho weather, everything is damp and rotten, it has been raining for months. Yesterday I went to the supermarket which is 1.5 min away on bike, I got back drenched it was like someone through me in a pool.

Please pray for me ladies that I am undetectable otherwise this means I have become resistent to a whole class of drugs, after only 1.5 years of using them.

I have the pain in my arm, Betty, I am glad you're not smoking, I am, from stress, but only a couple at night. And Queen, I hope the itch will stop asap. I command it to stop! Em, keep tackling that paper mountain, I know if you can't do it, no one can. Are they giving you a harder time due to your status? I hope not! I would like to adopt one day too (even if I have one naturally, I still want to). Camille, hope you're feeling better. Cristy, I was such a lousy waitress, I know how hard it is. Sun, I'm glad you're finding tarot useful, I don't know much about it but I always try things and get what I can out of it even when I am not a real believer. Good luck with the second officer of the law

I have to shower, make cupcakes and do some work. I love cooking, I wish I could enjoy working just a fraction of how I enjoy cooking. I did some watercolors yesterday, but the paints, brushes and even the papers were too cheap, all made in China... sure, blame it on the crooked dancefloor .

PS, sex & the City is on TV here every night, I like it as entertainment, but I can't identify with them, at all. My favorite is Miranda, she's the most real. Actually Carrie is my least favorite. Maybe cos she's an anorexic cosmogirl ? Then again nothing on TV but documentaries relates even remotely to my life. Have you ever seen Mad TV's Sluts & the City? a bit rude, but they laugh at all this independent woman theme. You can find it on Youtube.

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

BT- I'm definitely seinfeld, but really love Curb you Enthusiasm. I am so happy that they have a new season. Btw- when I watched the first episode of CYE I positively despised it! Then I watched another one and I was hooked!

On another note-

I'm really distressed today for several reasons.Ian has been emailing and IM'ing over the past week. It started off really mean spirited and I avoided most of them. I was also making it very clear that I'm willing to be friends, but that is all. Last night I left my AOL AIm on and he posted this long diatribe about me being an a-hole....basically because "he is willing to die for me and do anything for me and for me not to want to go back is confusing". I sent him an email with his post simply putting, "this is the reason why I don't want to be with you". What I have figured out is that he really sweet in the morning, but by 6pm he very belligerent and just down right nasty. It a basic equation of beer consumption. It makes me realize how glad I am that I decided to leave the relationship. I know the pain of losing someone you love makes you go into a range of emotions that you normally wouldn't experience, but as I wrote in earlier posts, he clearly had issues with his means of expression before hand. Hence the break up.

Long story short, friday my boss was let go from the company I work for. It is a subsidiary of a Japanese company. I am terribly sad. He was one of the best bosses I ever had and I had worked side by side with him for the past 5 years. He's technically savvy so we really had a lot in common, techie wise. I also disclosed to him the week I found out I tested poz. He was very supportive. I am also losing another co worker/ friend. She is the accountant for the company and will be replaced shortly with a Japanese accountant. For me, my job was a place I looked forward to everyday. Not just because I love my work but the people were really amazing and supportive. I really feel so devastated and ill. It took me years to find that perfect job and I had for the last 5 years. Now its time for a new season I guess and make the most of it while I still have a job. Trust me, I am very grateful to still be employed. And I know some of you guys are having a heck of a time finding a job and some are too sick to work. I hope I don't offend anyone by my whining. The real issue here is just losing great friends and co workers that were with me on my journey in life.

Sunday morning -- and it is truly a Sun Day here. Lovely fall weather. Cool enough to work outside all day and not a cloud in the sky.

Jumping right in.

Drag - I do hope your results are excellent and re: your question about my status being cause for a hard time? Not that I'm aware of--I think the govt. is crossing every t, even if to excess. I'm trying not to give it any undue attention or wondering and just move on ahead.

You mentioned doing watercolors. My friend and I paint at her kitchen table as a quiet form of therapy. Watercolors are a great medium for expressing feelings or for experimenting.

GQ - You're right. The poem had zero to do with you or witchcraft. Just a whimsical moment started by the word 'itches' after reading your post. I do hope your skin has calmed down.

CAM--You certainly received more than enough affirmations regarding your decision to stop seeing Ian. Wishing for you the joy of waving a sparkler and not the eyeful nor earful of a raging fireworks' grand finale. Edited to add: I hope the job situation is not too unsettling. That's a lot of changes both at home and work.

ML -- It's nice that you got to spend time with Stone and his son. Nothing beats being outdoors in the fall while doing something fun.

CJ -- I remember how important new shoes were when I was a kid and what a big deal it was to pick a new pair. Hope you and Robert have fun shopping together.

BT - Congrats on the continued non-smoking. Freeing up an addiction is a wonderful form of self-love.

Yesterday I bought a book, which I finished this morning. It was recommended by someone with my best interests at heart...and I want to pass along the title.

There's Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate by Cheri Huber

"A compassionate process for learning to accept yourself exactly as you are."

We are conditioned in childhood to think of ourselves as bad, inadequate, etc. and there is a way to undo the conditioning with some practice and diligence. The author has been a student and teacher of Zen for more than 30 years.

To Drag and Camille~ I am praying for good labs for the both of you. Drag, I became resistant to the PIs (Fortovase) after 6 years of taking them, and moved on to Sustiva soon after. I have heard that there are two new classes of drugs in the pipeline, so there are more options, please don't worry too much. You will be just fine, resistant or not. Modern medicine is an awesome thing!

I go get labs done this week or next for my doc's appt on 10/16, so I'll see how my stressful summer has affected me. I usually do pretty good, just been so tired!

Cam~ I didn't know you were going through so much with Ian, esp alcohol-related. That end of the day moodiness by one who drinks is a losing battle. I speak from experience with my mother, a wine drinker who can never go without. Sometimes the one drinker is just so nonsensical and immature, picking arguments and whining about very little, miniscule things, blowing everything out of proportion. Its so damn irritating and in my opinion, a waste of time to deal with if they can't grow up! Ugh! Blood pressure is rising over here.

As for work, I'm sorry to hear about the transition with two of your faves leaving the company. It sounds like you really enjoyed these people, and I hope that there are others that can help brighten the days at work. If these people are/were so great, I'm sure you won't be the only one to miss them, and you'll make some new confidants, no worries!

Ah yes, to have a job, lol!..........

I am going to go make pancakes for Cheech and I now! Next I will search the paper for jobs to apply to. I just don't feel as bright, these assessment tests are screwing with my brain every time I go to see a recruiter. Its never the same in the tests as it is in real life. I've just gotta get my foot in the door somewhere!

I think I can call for my results Thus or Fri. I wish you luck with yours. I understand totally about the work, it seems nothing is stable anymore, so hard to reach and retain peace.

This is the first time I am stressed about results to be honest, but that's b/c a lot is at stake. It's not about the CD4s, i know those flactuate, but the issue of resistence...

Ian sounds like an alcoholic. I hope he will not bother you anymore. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but you are too level headed and smart to be dragged into a sticky situation.

I didn't manage to work yet, I think I will go read my self-help book too, it's called "Change one thing". I am basically trying to break out of the rut of idling and mindless munching, that's one thing I really wanna change, 2 actually...

Cheech is a lucky dog, eating pancakes. My cupcakes don't turn out so well (I said I love to cook, didn't say I was talented). They are kind of heavy, not puffy. Good luck with the week's interviews Cindy. It's like guys really, only takes one... Hugs everyone,

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Afternoon Ladies--- I hope you all are having a nice relaxing, stress-free type of day. I am still itching but it looks like the rash is clearing up on my arms but not so much on my back from what my roomie tells me. The itching is driving me crazy and in some areas it hurts to scratch. It's time for me to take some benadryl anyways but was trying to hold off because I just had a wake and bake.... I'll be sleep again before you know it. But that is usually how I spend my SUndays anyway, just resting.

Not sure if many of you remember but I had got into a car accident back in March. The car was damaged but then the person I got into the accident found my car and did more damage to it. Just didn't have the money to get her fixed so I drove her as she is. Today is technically the last day I can drive her since the inspection will have expired. I love my car. She is an 85 Chevy Caprice Classic. My first car since I just got my license 3 years ago. We have been through a lot together in those 3 years and been a few places. I know it sounds crazy but I am sad because in so many words, I'm putting her down. She'll end up a mental cube.

Now I will be out of transportation for awhile. My best friend has loaned me my godson's car but it needs some work done to it and also has to be made legal. My godson can't get the car til he graduates in '09, so it was given to me til then. What it needs at the moment besides the legal paperwork is a battery and I think a fuel injector. I say think because the car was started once but it caught on fire and the person who checked it is not sure if it needs one or not. Which is frustrating for me because when check day comes, I usually try to have the money for the battery at least but I still never knows if it needs a fuel injector or not. I could take it to a mechanic but they usually try to overcharge me and the mechanic I did have has since retired. So, I am trying to get this car up and running before the snow hits.

Camille--- Sorry about Ian but better you find out sooner than later. I would agree with Drag and say he is an alcoholic thus the reason for his meanness. But what gets me is he really thinks you are suppose to put up with it. I am glad you showed him his own words. Maybe he will realize how abusive he really is and get some help. Good Luck with getting your results. I hope you get good news.

Drag--- Good Luck with your results too. Good to see you post again, was wondering what was going on with you.

Cindy-- Glad you had fun in the mazes with Stone and Junior. I agree with Drag, Cheech is a lucky dog, sounds like he eats what you eat. Good Luck with the interviews again this week.

Drag and Cam: I got my fingers crossed for you guys' test results. I'm resistant to PIs also (it seems a few of us on these forums are), but there are other things. I was reading about some new "tropism" drug coming out. I never remember where I read things at, though. Crazy. Sometimes it seems like I can remember things one second, then the next I can't remember shit.

I hope all you other ladies are doing alright. I finished my homework today and made some muffins. (Double chocolate). They're pretty good actually. I gave some to one of my neighbors. Other than that, my Sunday has been kind of boring. I looked in the paper today for jobs, but there just doesn't seem to be much. Not sure how it is in your end of the world, Cin. I hope you have better luck. Have a good evening ladies-

Edited to add: Cam, my first husband was an abusive alcoholic. He was the nicest thing when he was sober, but just add alcohol, and he was a son-of-a-bitch. Funny how some people get like that.

« Last Edit: September 30, 2007, 07:33:30 PM by Bettytacy »

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT- I swear I can smell the muffins, yum. Not good, trying to lose weight.....added about 10 pounds when I was with Ian. Have to lose for my 20th year reunion. I didn't go to my 10th, but much to my chagrin, I've been talked into it.

OK so here's the results I received this morning:CD4 went down to 300 from 410cd4% went down to 30 something to 29.7vl went from 1500 to 650

Doctor stills wants me off meds cause the VL is so low. She will recheck in Dec. She thinks my cd4 went down because of the lyme's disease.

Over all, I'm very happy. Thank you everyone for your prayers and support.

I would give anything to be drowning in work right now. I made two calls today and left messages. I apply to jobs every day, and now I feel I have to go through a recruiter or wait for some good luck. Time is running out, shit. I need to be working. I am more aggressively seeking jobs, trying to talk with people on the phone so that I can sell myself that way. Something has got to give. Stone didn't return my call from Saturday night yesterday, just a quick email from him when he woke up overnight last night. This has me feeling sort of lonely cause we had such a good time on Saturday together. I guess he just has other things going on and doesn't feel the need to call. This is all so depressing, I really just want to be working, but I really don't want to settle for just any job.

I'll hang in there, tomorrow is a new day.

Also, today is my wedding anniversary, I was married on 10/1/94, and most of you know the rest of the story. I am OK, the years have definitely made me stronger. I am beginning to wonder if I even want to be in a relationship, I do pretty well being independent. Dating is fine for now, I suppose.

Hello Ladies. Just checking in. Not much going on here, this is my day off. but I won't be quite so busy or tired this week since I only have 4 shifts and only one is a "double". I went shopping today.Got Robert some shoes and me some new work shoes. I love those treadsafe shoes they sell at Walmart. Never slip in them even with me being quite clumsy. I'm always covered in bruises. just how my skin is . ML, love the pictures. We have one of those, near Winston-Salem , I think. Maybe I can take Robert in a couple weeks. Glad things seem to be going well for you. Hang in there as far as your job hunt, eventually you will find what you need. Camille, sorry how things worked out with your friend. Better to know now than later. Glad you are happy about your labs. Queen, good luck with the car. I had a 93 caprice Classic LTZ(never figured out what that meant).I loved it . It was Black and would Fly (had a V8). I liked that people thought it was a cop car. Made me laugh how they would slow down when I came near in it. Hope the new car can be fixed inexpensively. Hope your itches have greatly improved. Em, hope things are going well for you.Love ya. Betty, Congrats on your continued nonsmoking. Ciggies are the most addictive things ion existence so Be Proud of yourself. Those muffins sound good. I like to bake but I do most of it at Christmas and give it away as gifts. If I bake for the house , we make piggies of ourselves and gobble it all up. I haven't decide what Robert will wear, I did request off cause I worked it last year and made sure to remind my manager(nicely) that it's my turn. I will take him to Walmart this weekend and let him pick his own costume. I took him in 2005 dressed as a pumpkin and we had such a great time. I loved watching him be excited. My oldest boy had his court date changed. The newest hasn't been posted yet but It's been kicked up to Superior. We will track it and the DA is keeping us up to date. My brother is coming (supposedly)this Thursday to visit or live, I'm not sure. Not looking forward to it. He is very selfish and I love him but he gets on my last nerve acting like he is owed something by everyone at times. We have deeper issues but I like for him to stay away and just talk to him on the phone. We get along better that way. Enough of my bitching. A brighter note, I had a new guy to talk to but think I turned him off when I told him I smoke weed and used to have a drug problem. Have been clean several years but it can be hard for some people to accept. Maybe that's not the case and he will write again soon. Physically not my type but love his mind, very down to earth, single parent and smart. Maybe...... Anydody I forgot, SS, Dragonette, hope ya'll are well. Love to you all. Cristy

Cin, the job search can be such a drag. I haven't found one yet either. I went to a job fair today and there were about 200 people there. It was depressing. So I'm going to quit looking for a couple days and take a break and read or start one of my reports for school. Don't worry about Stone. He was probably busy with his son. Just hang in there, girl. Things are going to get brighter. I can feel it.

Queen, how is your rash? Going down? Hope so.

Thanks everyone for the congrats on quitting smoking. It's hard. I really wanted one today. But I didn't have one. It's been three weeks. The cravings are less and less severe. But I've been eating more, which doesn't help my already lipo'd stomach. I look like I'm going to go into labor any second! Oh well, I don't care. It's better than the alternative right now. I'l worry about the weight later. I hope everyone's doing alright. Luv you guys.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Just got off the phone with the social worker. Discussed our strategy for updating the home study for the adoption. Set a date for her to come to the house for the interview. Forward motion is now formally engaged.

Otherwise, just hacking through stuff. Waiting to hear about work. Sanding, priming, painting. Laundering, mowing, sewing. Sometimes there's light at the end of the tunnel and sometimes not. Continuing to work part-time and freelance. Still in touch with GM. So, quite a bit is simply status quo.

Not much to report today. The rash seems to be clearing up, even on my back. I have to give my ID doc a call tomorrow anyway. I haven't been itching hardly at all and so far hasn't taken any benadryl today but prolly will before I go to bed. It's that time again....Time to redo the braids. I started tonight hopefully it will not take a week to get done this time even though I have been doing it in blocks of 4 hours. They're small braids...

EM--- Glad things are in motion again with the adoption. Sanding? Priming? Painting? What are you doing over there? If I didn't know any better it sounds like you were painting a car. Ugh, me and the roomie has to do laundry tomorrow. Misses the laundry room in the old apartment buliding already. But the laundrymat is only around the corner so I can only bitch so much.

Christy--- Sounds like the arrival of your brother is going to cause you stress. And you say he may be living with you? Why? I would let him know from the door that he couldn't stay but that is just me, I guess. Yeah, my Caprice has a V-8 engine too and can still haul ass even with all the damage. Most get a kick seeing a female in a Caprice around here and mine especially because it has a nice system in it. Has never had a problem with the cops either, I even give them a nod from time to time when I pass them..

I am back for a few days. I have been lurking, but I have been so busy that I have not had time to write. But I am still wishing you guys well and hope everyone is doing great. Well, last week I spoke to Cop #1 and told him that he for lack of a better term screws me up in the head and he can't not call me one night then not hear from him for 2 weeks. He said he was sorry that he did not call for two weeks but then he makes things into a joke. I told him that I did not think this was a joke. I know that is his way of dealing with stressful situations. I think I need to get him alone and talk with him face to face, he seems to do much better that way since he has to look at me and he can't walk away. I am trying not to focus on that, I have cop #2 to focus on. Saturday I leave to see Cop #2 and am getting really nervous. He has been so great. Every day he sends me text messages telling me that he has been thinking about me and can't wait to see each other. I hope that he feels that same way after I tell him. Like I said before I am not sure when that is going to be. I hope he turns out to be like EM's man. So everyone pray for me.

EM- I may have missed this during another thread but how old is the child that you are adopting. It sounds like you are busy getting things ready for the big arrival.

Cristy- Hope things work out with your brother coming. I am glad that you got Halloween of to take Robert out. I can't wait to hear what he picks out for his costume. My nephew is really into Star Wars so he is going to be Darth Vader and my little niece is going to be Princess Lea. So that should be cute. I got my costume and I am going to be Little Red Riding Hood. My girlfriends and I are going to be storybook characters.

Queen- Glad to see you are feeling better. I have always wished I could to my hair in braids they look so cool. I have short hair, right now I have the Posh Spice/Victoria Beckham hair do. I change my hair just about as much as I change my underwear. Two months ago I came to work with extentions then 4 weeks later my hair was short and two weeks later I put brown streaks in it. Tomorrow I am getting my hair done so I don't know what I am going to end up with.

Betty- I wish that I have as much determination to stop eating as you do with smoking. I admire you.

I know that I am forgetting some of you ladies and I am sorry. My wrist is killing me and I need to go and ice it. I will check back in before I leave on Saturday

Work is strange with a tinge of paranoia. Oh wait, not a tinge, but a entire landscape of fear. We've all stopped communicating and stand around like it's 1984, big brother is watching. We found camera software installed on one of the pcs recently...that's really upsetting. Needless to say, I am getting the resumes out as soon as possible. It's really effed up.

queen- glad to hear the rash is clearing up, but happy to hear your gonna see your ID doc in any event.

em- you sound so productive. what's the time table for the actual adoption?

BT-- Keep going on the no smoking. When of the best things about quitting, besides the obvious is regaining your sense of smell.

Sun- Good luck on disclosing. I know its terribly difficult especially when you're pursuing a relationship.

Oh I tell you ladies about my appointment yesterday....in detail because it was so unusual. When I first heard about my cd4 drop I was really upset. I started to cry. First time in the doctors office. Then my doctor came in and told me that everything was ok and that my vl was so low I was on that line, but was confident that it was my "partying with Ian"(no sleep, much more drinking than usual, smoking with the beer,..eh) that made it drop. Anyway, she started talking about forgiveness....whether if people really forgive, especially if they still harbor feelings of bitterness and resentment. It really turned into a philosophical debate. she started to share with me moments of her childhood that were pivotal. I have to say by the time I left I had completely forgotten about results and life was good again. It was one of those moments in life that you have no idea how it comes about but its meaningful in the context of your life. Anyway my doctor is great and I really blessed to have her. That's really a whole other thread. She has created programs at the hospital like nothing I ever heard or read on this board.

Cam, you sound like you have a really unique doctor. It's nice to hear about anyone in the medical establishment acting like a human being. Sometimes I think they're trained to see people as robots. Sounds like your doc is definitely a keeper!

Em, I bet you're getting excited about the adoption. Fill me in again on the particulars about the kid. How old, girl or boy, etc. I can't remember...

Queen, I'm glad the rash is subsiding. So it doesn't seem to be the Atripla, which I'm glad for. You don't have to worry about changing HIV meds; what a relief.

Sun, I don't know what to say about that triangle thing you've got going on. Good luck with disclosing. If he's worth it, it'll be alright. If not, then fuck him. (excuse my language).

Cristy and Cin and everyone else, I hope you guys are doing alright. Nothing exciting planned for me today. I have school tonight. My "Counseling Theories" class. I have two more papers to write for that. There were a total of three for the class, but I already wrote one, which is actually due tonight. The classes go by so fast, because where I go to school, the classes are only eight weeks long. There's still a 15-week semester's worth of work in them though, which kind of makes them intense. I'm glad I'm in school, though. I don't know what I'd be doing if I wasn't in school. I can't seem to find part-time work. I have a 14 year gap in my job history because of having to go on disability in '93 when I got the wasting syndrome and went down to 78 lbs. Who knew that all these new medications would come out that would extend our lives? But, anyway, there is that gap in my history, and I haven't yet thought of something really believable to tell people about what I've been doing. I'm not going to stress about it though. I guess when the time's right, it'll happen. Talk to everyone later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Cam and BT -- to answer your questions..This is a challenging time right now because the paperwork process hit a bump in the road, but the social worker and I are on it amending things as fast as possible. To be intentionally brief about it, I am adopting a twelve-year-old girl and the fact that it's an international adoption brings with it a slew of variables. It's been 1-3/4 years thus far, but I'm in for the haul---whatever it takes to bring her here. I look at her photos and imagine what it's like to be in her shoes, in her orphanage, etc. That exercise re-enlivens me at every obstacle. Wishing everyone an excellent week. BT, I'll PM you regarding a way to handle the gap. Em

To all the US-based Positive Women, I invite you to go to this link http://www.kintera.org/site/lookup.asp?c=nlI2IeN1JyE&b=2579775as soon as possible due to the GLBT-sought, hard-won, two-week extension on the vote for this bill. It takes less than 30 seconds to participate. For further understanding, go to Mouse's thread in Off Topic, I'm not part of your bill, I'm not part of your community. Em

Wouldn't you know Stone called last night at 7pm, while I was fighting back tears over the job situation? He was near my place and wanted to take me to dinner. I was really bummed and didn't try to hide it, you know, as far as the job search. That man looked me right in the eyes and said that I would find something. Just like all of you. Sometimes I just need to hear it to make me feel better, and I appreciate it. I may have to settle for a job that pays $30K a year and supplement my income with credit cards in the meantime. I was being paid upper $30s. close to $40K a year before this hiatus. I have done my budget and really need to take home $2K a month to make ends meet with bills, gas and food. Nevermind all of the other stuff. Thank goodness for MADAP, is all I can say!

I called Stone this afternoon and told him I wanted to see him, so we are meeting later as well. Baby steps, baby steps.....

Cristy~ Hang in there with your brother coming to town. Its tough to bite that tongue, but do it for the greater good initially if he's only visiting. If he decides to stay permanently, then hold down the fort any way you need to, as you will be sharing space with the entire family. It can't all be about one person, namely him, if you know what I mean!

BT~ Sorry the job fair was lousy for you. Are you having trouble finding the PT job that you want, or is it the pay, or both? I know, I know, I feel like someone needs to cut us a break already. I mean, we want to work, we want to get out there, but there isn't a good fit. I really wanted to have a choice in what I do, run an office, make a difference, and now I feel like I have to dumb myself down to get my foot in the door at a lower-paying job. Maybe its better this way, the transition could be smoother, since I haven't worked in months now. I have a meeting with a great recruiter on Thursday, the job only pays $25K - $30K a year, but they need some billing help. If I got in there and really did GREAT with very little billing, they could see me as an asset. Climb the ladder time, I say. Hang in there, maybe go work at a mall? Thats what I would do if I could only do PT. Its more fun that way! Work at a record store, a card store, where the atmosphere is fun! Go for it!

GQ~ How's the hair coming along? I remember! It took you a week in early August to undo that DO, lol! I'm glad to hear that the rash is leaving you, that Benadryl can really knock you out, as I'm sure you know. Sorry to hear that you have to let go of your '85 Chevy, yeah, I can see you nodding at the cops as you pass them! LOL You are too much! I always wanted a '75 Monte Carlo for my first car. Its what my parents drove back in the day. I still get excited when I see one on the road, which is rare. Remember those tanks? ...............Any peeps from Boo-Man?

Em~ Glad to hear you are being so productive with things around the house. I wish I had that energy. I am still trying to clean and straighten. Stone said he would help me paint my living room if I wanted to. I just hate to ask favors of people, but maybe I'll take him up on it. It would be fun and make me feel better! I admire your patience with all of the paperwork you have to go through with your daughter. Its great that you are bringing someone else into your life. I don't have to tell you that the wait will be WELL worth it! Do you have other children or is she going to be your first? I am very excited for you!

Sun~ I am praying, I am SO praying for you. I knew how scared I was when I posted here over the summer and all I was doing was dating neggies. I had the fear of God in me. These threads have made me so much stronger, so much more confident, and all of you have really given me a great sense of belonging and self-worth. So, Sun, if you disclose and he is fearful, curious, scared, whatever......just think of it as a warm up for the next guy. Please don't take that the wrong way. When I dated a lot of neggies a few years ago, I found I got stronger as I disclosed to more people. I know the rejection can still hurt when you have your heart set on one guy, but you are worthy. I think the best thing we can do, and this is the hardest, is to try not to be over emotional when disclosing. You never know how the guy will react, so all you can do is just say it. Please don't feel guilty if this weekend isn't the "time" for you to disclose. There's nothing wrong waiting until next time, and allowing YOURSELF some breathing room in the meantime.

Cam~ I was so surprised to read that they are monitoring things at work! Goodness! Is the place falling apart? Going under? I'm sure the atmosphere must be very different with two of your favorite people gone and now all of this paranoia you write of. At least you have your radar up. I hope you can find something that suits you where you are, if it comes to that.

Drag~ Busy working girl, know that we are all thinking about you, even when you're off doing spreadsheets! Damn Excel, I wouldn't mind if I never dealt with that program again. I used to love it but now it just gives me a headache, lol! Thinking of you, GF!

Em, Indiana Equality always e-mails me about this kind of stuff, and I already sent the appropriate e-mails through them. But thanks for posting the link. I hope more women participate. It's really a shame that they want to leave transgendered people out.

Cin, the reason I think I'm having such a hard time is that I haven't worked in 14 years. That leaves a big gap. I got very ill with the wasting syndrome back in '93 and got down to 78 lbs (I'm 5'9"). So I had to go on disability. Everyone thought that I was a goner. Hospice was even called in by my doctor. Actually, it's a miracle that I recovered from that. The recovery was slow. The last job I had was a medical transcriptionist. Nowawadays, most people do that out of their home. And I don't have the equipment to do that and usually you have to know someone. I do hope we can find something pretty soon. I probably should be using employment agencies. When I went to that job fair, there was about 200 people there. There are so many people in my area that are without work. I guess it's the same all across the country. Good luck dear.

I hope all you other ladies are doing alright. In a couple days, it's supposed to be in the upper 80's here. Amazing! I think it probably has to do with global warming. Did anyone see that Al Gore movie "An Inconvenient Truth?" It was a little scarey to me. I wonder if there will be a planet earth around when my grandkids have kids or their own grandkids. Nothing exciting going on around here. Most people are still sleeping. I don't know why I'm up so early. Had a fitful night, strange dreams etc. I hope everyone has a peaceful day-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi BT~ Yes, I am up very early today, like you, well all things considered, this IS early. Stone had to be at work early and he is never out of the house early at all. I made sure he got up and helped with the dog. We were out of his place at 815am today. Ironically he is working just miles from my place. I should go spy on him, he's really hot, lol!

I was checking out traffic as I drove back to my house this morning, all of the cars were streaming in a rolling back-up, heading down-county to Stone's area. I was thinking, well, maybe I COULD do this commute, it would just take awhile to go frikkin 20 miles!

So, here I am awake and posting at 9am and my phone rings. Its the recruiter I met with last Friday, calling about the job in my town where you have to like dogs! She is pushing to get me an interview this afternoon! I would be the first one in the door, and she is going very high with the salary. To think I was/am ready to work for 30K is a joke. She is pushing for mid-30s so hopefully something will give. The recruiter also wanted to make sure that I could work independently!?!?! OMG, like I need someone telling me every move to make after all of this time? I am a great self-starter, like to figure things out on my own and can have a very long leash (no pun intended since this job has dogs at it, lol)! I hope I can land this job, I have really settled some in my mind as far as salary, but I have to keep on trying......

Em, Indiana Equality always e-mails me about this kind of stuff, and I already sent the appropriate e-mails through them. But thanks for posting the link. I hope more women participate. It's really a shame that they want to leave transgendered people out.

Betty, I have seen Gore's film and link to the trailer in my signature here. It's really shocking.

Here we see the opposite, cold, wet, dreary summer and now in early Oct it's like November, but the winter itself is mild, the canals should freeze over, but they hadn't for over a decade, and last year was the first time they had to spray fake snow in the ski resorts in the Alps when the season started (not in the Netherlands - this place is as flat as it gets; and dont think that because I write this I have ever seen a ski resort anywhere but in a movie... )

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy