I was clicking through the channels the other night and stumbled upon the Republican Presidential debate on CNN. Curious to hear what the conservative politicians had to say about how they would “fix” the country, I choked back the bile and watched the debate until I reached the point that I just couldn’t bear it any longer for fear I’d puke.

Now before you start calling me a liberal or lefty, keep in mind that for the most part, I feel that the Democrats are equally as nauseating. As far as I’m concerned—and I’ve expressed this many times in the past—of the 535 members of Congress, about 10 are worth their salt.

What pisses me off more than anything is how—when asked a direct question— politicians dance around the answer and talk in textbook rhetoric. I call it the Rope-a-Dope. Remember when Mohammad Ali was in his prime? He used to lie on the ropes with his gloves covering his face and forearms protecting his upper body while his opponent punched himself silly trying to break through Ali’s defense. He avoided punches—just like politicians avoid giving direct answers—by using the Rope-a-Dope.

When CNN Senior Correspondent, John King or someone from the audience asked a direct question, the candidates would lie on the ropes and weave from side to side avoiding the questions just like Ali avoided punches. Hence, the Rope-a-Dope.

I’m not a politician, nor will I ever run for office. But I’d bet that I could stand toe-to-toe with nearly any presidential candidate and employ the Rope-a-Dope as good as any of them. I, too, can regurgitate bullshit. Go ahead, ask me how I plan to restore America. Here’s my answer:

“Job one is to address unemployment. We need to create jobs and put people back to work. Next, we need to stabilize the economy and increase our Gross National Product by stimulating the private sector. Our massive deficit simply cannot continue. We need to implement programs that will promote economic growth and turn the deficit into a surplus. Next we need to overhaul Medicare and Social Security. These two programs simply do not work and in a few years they will be bankrupt. We need to be more competitive in the global markets and restore the respect we once enjoyed as the most stable economy in the world. We have to focus on creating smaller government. And to spark the economy we need to cut taxes. If elected president, I will work tirelessly to accomplish these goals.”

I said so much yet said nothing–just like a politician. Are you going to vote for me?