Bring gratitude attitude to T-Day table

A classy New Yorker I know likes to say that hosting a dinner party these days is like running a mine field. Even the simplest food requests can blow up your menu in a minute:

“I’m gluten free.” (Uh-oh. Can I still serve couscous?)

“I don’t eat meat.” (Not even an organic turkey raised by an ethical farmer who knows his Toms by name?)

“I’m allergic to garlic.” (Oops, there goes the stuffing! Not really — shallots are a great substitute.)

As your most personal trainer, I want to offer up some strategies for making this a stellar Thanksgiving. They all revolve around being authentic.

Start with your sense of humor. It’s the ultimate key to being a successful host. Laugh at your mistakes — Brussels sprouts with coconut don’t mix all that well — and forgive other people theirs. Remember everyone at your table is there for a good reason.

Ask yourself what you need to make this a joyful day. If you feel overwhelmed by the menu, are you brave enough to ask your guests to contribute dishes of their own?

Will you schedule yourself for some meaningful personal time — a run, a yoga class, a walking meditation? Because even though you’ll be super busy, you need time to reflect, to feel grateful, to place your football bets.

Are you confident enough to ask all entering guests to please leave their smartphones, dumb phones, iPads and everything with an on/off button in a big basket by your front door?

This is a tricky one to maneuver, but it’s worth it. Disconnecting from technology gives you the time and space to connect with the actual human beings in front of you. One shared laugh is worth a trillion smiley faces.

To keep your guests from freaking out about giving up their phones when they arrive, ask them to take their shoes off, too. Very feng shui.

This Thanksgiving, have the confidence to feed your guests real food. Avoid processed foods and don’t hold back on the roasted veggies or fruit desserts. Better to buy a less weighty organic bird that died dancing to Mozart than the cheaper, factory-farmed turkey shot full of hormones and antibiotics. Food is love, and when you pour love into real ingredients, and make it look pretty, your Thanksgiving meal becomes a delicious reflection of who you are, someone greater than yourself. And I don’t mean Martha Stewart.

Calm your nerves by getting your Thanksgiving to-do list going now. Write down all the things that need to be done and one by one, day by day, check them off. Organizing calms the cluttered mind.

Also, plan to pace yourself on T-Day. Schedule yourself for at least one out-of-kitchen activity that makes you feel good. It could be raking the leaves, phoning to some distant family or friends and/or serving meals at a shelter.

If you don’t plan it, you won’t do it, and if you don’t do it, you’ll have missed the chance to relax, rejoice and renew. Consider it an achievement of the highest order if you can inspire your loved ones to take a walk with you, during the day, after eating, even at half-time.

Everyone at your Thanksgiving meal is grateful for something or someone. If you can get your guests to talk about it — going around the table, one by one, listening without comment — you’ll have created a memorable Thanksgiving for all.

Getting started is the hardest part. Clink a glass, and explain what you’d like to do. Not everyone in your gratitude circle will want to talk. That’s fine. They can pass. New traditions take time. No shame, no blame, no judgment of the loved ones who head for the TV set instead. They are grateful for the chance to lie on the couch and watch grown men wrestle other men to the ground.

Before you go to sleep, review the best parts of Thanksgiving Day 2013. Who loved your pumpkin pie? Who made everyone laugh? Whom do you love and who loves you? Instead of a full stomach, go to bed with a full heart.

Marilynn Preston

Marilynn Preston is a fitness expert, personal trainer and speaker on healthy lifestyle issues. She has a website, marilynnpreston.com, and welcomes reader questions, which can be sent by email.

Last modified: November 19, 2013
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