Monday, February 8, 2010

haven't written here in a really long time. i guess i haven't had anything i felt was necessary to write about even though i claimed i was going to "get serious" about the entire blog thing. anywho, i've been feeling the need to talk to someone about this topic, and i discussed it a bit with my line sister, and she was really helpful, but i feel that i would also like to work through it a bit here. this may possibly be my last post at this site. im not sure, but i feel like it may be easier for me to write at a different domain. that will be decided soonly....ok, so, the issue is faith. recently in church, my pastor brought up the idea of prayer. most specifically, he brought up the thought of listening to God rather than simply sending up prayers. God speaks back! From that point on, i decided to make sure to listen, consistently, to what God may or may not be saying. well, a few weeks ago, i prayed about something that I feel very seriously about. God answered. Problem is, he didn't answer in exactly the way that I would have liked. I tried to heed his advice, to not become involved in a certain situation, but my faith was nowhere near as steadfast as it should have been. I continued to pursue something that He didn't want me to do. I tried convincing myself that I had heard wrong. Maybe it was just my mind telling my heart to do something different. Now, I really wish I had listened. Instead, He kind of forced me out of a situation that would have thwarted his plans for me. It ended in me being hurt. Until now, I was even confused about the reason for my pain. I wasn't necessarily hurt by the actions taken towards me. In reality, I'm hurt because I KNEW better...because God TOLD me better. God told me: this is not good for you. in fact, its detrimental to you and your lifestyle and possibly even your health. I still wanted to listen to myself. Now i know what God sounds like, and I know what God wants me to do. I realize that I must walk in faith. I'm actually excited for what He has shown me, which excites me even more because it means that I have grown spiritually.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,And lean not on your own understanding;In all your ways acknowledge Him,And He shall direct your paths.