I Listened to the Entourage Movie Soundtrack So You Don't Have To

What does Entourage the soundtrack say about Entourage the film—or Entourage the actual entourage, for that matter? And will it make you say OH YEAH!? Let's find out.

Okay, folks—the wait is over. The Entourage movie is finally here. At last, we can find out whether the guys get to do the thing they sort of seem to have some mild, vague interest in doing. Can't wait! To get us all extra fired up, I've given the just-released Entourage: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack a few spins. Below, I'll take you through it track by track, speculate as to what high-stakes, inside-baseball Hollywood action might be taking place as each song plays, and reveal which tracks make me stand up and shout OH YEAH! Or maybe I'll drown myself around track 7—read on and find out!

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Royal Blood—"Figure It Out"

What It Is: First single from debut album by British duo who would have been all over Indie 103.1 in 2004, the year Entourage premiered on HBO. I hear this song, and I see trucker hats.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: I'm picturing a montage, something to catch the viewer up on the last four years in these boys' lives. Hollywood Reporter headlines reveal Vince's career path, from unexpected triumph to expected triumph and back again. E walks and talks on an iPhone, first the 4s, then the 5, then the 5s, until finally, triumphantly, the 6 Plus. Turtle loses weight and triumphantly wears a variety of limited-edition sneakers. Ari hollers at gay people (triumphantly). Drama is there, sometimes, being all Drama. You know him.

OH YEAH! Track? This sounds like it was heavily influenced by the Entourage theme song, so, you know: OH make of that what you will!

Jane's Addiction—"Superhero"

What It Is: The real Entourage theme song. How did I hate-watch the first three seasons of Entourage without ever learning that this is actually Jane's Actual Addiction? How did I not know Dave Navarro would connect emotionally with this show? Incidentally, there is a line in this song that goes "Brick and stone cannot hurt me," but I heard it as "Brookstone cannot hurt me," and I thought: sure. Somewhere in this show's eight seasons, there was probably a multi-episode story arc about a limited-edition massage chair.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: It's an updated credit sequence, and every one of the landmarks the boys drive by has been turned into a mixology bar or a Tender Greens.

OH YEAH! Track? The second this song started, my dog got up and tore the fuck out of my office. Like Pavlov's dog salivating at the ring of a bell, Junior hears the Entourage theme song and knows my mood is about to turn dark. OH YEAH NO!

Diplo & DJ Snake featuring Big Freedia—"Drop"

What It Is: Twerking music, roughly 18 months after Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford twerked on the air.What's Probably Happening in the Movie: The boys and Ari and a bunch of women who in any context other than a movie would be considered too young to be in their company are on a yacht owned by special guest Marc Cuban or Sean Combs or Sean Parker or some kind of chill guy like that. "Man, isn't it great that we've all made enough money to live comfortably for the rest of our lives and we didn't even have to work that hard for it?" asks Vince. E agrees: "Surely whatever we choose do at this stage in our careers will have stakes so low they will barely register." Turtle or Drama says, "Cheers!" and they all take big, joyous swigs of Avion Tequila and lime. Ari says the word "faggot" twelve times.

OH YEAH! Track? I mean, listen: I love Big Freedia and I want to be her friend, and this is probably a bad way to get in her good graces, but don't all of her songs kind of sound the same? Don't they all involve her saying "booty" a million times very quickly over identical beats? I watch her show on Fuse, and it's like: "Here's my song about New Orleans: bootybootybootybooty." "I wrote this song about my struggles with drinking: bootybootybootybootybooty." "This is one about my mother, who just died of lupus on camera: bootybootybootybababootybootybootybooty."

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A-Trak featuring Andrew Wyatt—"Push"

What It Is: Superstar DJ teams up with the vocalist from Miike Snow to create a song that sounds like a Crossfit class inside a Nissan Juke. What's Probably Happening in the Movie: I've seen the trailer, and I guess there's some movie where Vince plays some kind of freedom fighter DJ person, so this is probably playing in a scene from that. Or, you know, a party at the house.

Du Tonc—"Darkness"

What It Is: Chill house groove from some person or entity called "Du Tonc."

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: Vince wants to direct! The boys' reactions run the gamut from supportive (E) to pleased (Drama) to delighted (Turtle). Less convinced, Ari releases his frustrations by scalding Lloyd with a bulletproof coffee.

OH YEAH! Track? Double OH YEAH! This song is epic and its video tells a complete story with honest emotional stakes in just over six minutes unlike some television shows or movies I could mention.

Pharrell—"Hunter"

What It Is: Deep cut from the Pharrell album you haven't played since awards season, when "Happy" went from "nuisance" to "affliction."

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: Vince, E and Ari (and the other two guys, for some reason) try to get funding for the movie, and there are all kinds of cameos from studio bigwigs, which only your most exasperating, Deadline-reading friend will catch and tell you about. It looks like they might not get the funding, but then at the last minute, you guys? E's 6 Plus rings right in the middle of their We Might Not Get the Funding Party, and they totally end up getting the funding.

OH YEAH! Track? OH it depends on whether you are yet able to let Pharrell back into your heart.

Mobb Deep—"Give Up the Goods"

What It Is: 1995 East Coast hip-hop.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: Casting begins for Vince's movie, an all-white reboot of Boyz N The Hood. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley will take on Nia Long's role as Vince's girlfriend and, taking over for Angela Bassett as his mother: Emmy Rossum.

OH YEAH! Track? OH not my cup of tea, but sure.

Tha Dogg Pound—"What Would You Do?"

What It Is: 1995 West Coast hip-hop.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: Rosie and Emmy test badly, are replaced by Alexandra Daddario and Hayden Panettiere. This and the spiraling car-chase budgets are making this the most expensive movie of all time. Ari throws Lloyd off a roof. The Westboro Baptist Church shows up at Ari's studio with signs saying "DIAL IT BACK ARI GOLD."

OH YEAH! Track? It's easy to forget how cookie-cutter West Coast hip-hop was in 1995. But it's a good cookie, man. It's a well-shaped cookie. OH YEAH!

Allison Taylor—"Bells"

What It Is: The only female voice we hear on this entire soundtrack, and maybe in the movie.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: Lloyd's gay wedding, obviously! The women on this show are projections of male fantasy, so the closest thing to a female perspective will come from a gay man, whom the rest of the characters will either abuse (Ari) or never interact with (the rest of them). Ari hates this dumb gay wedding and says all kinds of Archie Bunker nonsense that get big laughs in the cinemas, but then he has a moment of humanity and his heart grows three sizes and he carves the roast beast and then somebody calls him and he finds out about the budget problems and he stabs Lloyd's husband in the neck with a shrimp fork. Incidentally, the last time two gay men got married in the movie version of a popular HBO show, Liza Minelli officiated and sang Beyonce's "Single Ladies," and that was written by an actual gay man, so I shudder at what kind of minstrel shitshow Doug Ellin's cooked up, I really do.

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OH YEAH! Track? If I see this movie (which I still might) and I am right about this (which I will be), I will forever associate this song with the grim realization that Hollywood still doesn't tell gay stories well (or cast gay people or hire gay people or even go one tiny step out of their way not to make the cheapest gay joke possible at every fucking turn), so I might as well enjoy it while I can. OH YEAH!

Tame Impala—"Elephant"

What It Is: That song from that commercial and eight million TV shows.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: The boys are going to need more money if they're going to make this movie. Ari tries to call in favors, but it doesn't work, so he slams his phone down over and over and cuts three of Lloyd's toes off with a linesman pliers. But then Vince's phone rings, right at their Mid Act-Two Party, and it's some money guy, and he's like "You can have more money." They did it!

OH YEAH! Track? OH, I'm partial to the new songs Tame Impala has put out this year, if only because they haven't been licensed out the wazoo. (Yet.) And here again, Tame Impala's Kevin Parker does much better work with Mark Ronson.

Jim Jones—"We Fly High"

What It Is: 2006 Dipset hip-hop.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: This has a strong "Turtle and Drama subplot" feel to it, as I'm fairly certain their musical taste stalled right around the mid-aughts. We know from the trailer that Turtle woos Ronda Rousey and she challenges him to some kind of bare-knuckle cage match for her heart. So I guess he goes for it and she beats him up and then goes out with him anyway, because everyone on this show gets exactly what they want at all times, whatever half-hatched plot device gets in their way? Anyway, this all seems super-plausible to me, but the moment in the trailer when she says: "Didn't you use to be super-fat," and he seems crestfallen? BULLSHIT. I have been superfat, and now I am not, and whenever someone points this fact out—particularly if that someone is a person I would put myself in physical danger to sleep with—it is a reason to smile. Always.

OH YEAH! Track? OH watch this video all the way to the end and tell me the people in the epilogue aren't going to the Entourage movie on opening night.

Noreaga—"Superthug"

What It Is: 1998 Neptunes hip-hop.

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: I was going to make something up about how Drama has an animated feature he's trying to get off the ground, something where he's a superhero monkey or a beer that talks or a magical time-traveling guayabera or whatever, but then I remembered this was (a) an actual subplot on the actual show, and (b) the show-within-the-show was called Johnny's Bananas, which (c) caused the guy who calls himself "Johnny Bananas" on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge to sue HBO for copyright infringement and emotional distress. Never let it be said that this show doesn't satisfy on a variety of levels.

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OH YEAH! Track? It is a trip back to a simpler time, this song. OH YEAH!

The National—"I Need My Girl"

What It Is: Emotion. Isn't it weird?

What's Probably Happening in the Movie: E and Sloan are having a baby! She sees him at the boys' annual Romantic Subplot Complication Party talking with Kate Upton and she thinks they're sleeping together and she leaves in tears but E finds her at the Tender Greens that used to be Kate Mantilini and he tells her he's totally not and she believes him and goes into labor. It's a bro!

OH YEAH! Track? You will not take my National from me, Entourage movie. OH YEAH!

Ma$e—"Feels So Good"

What It Is: It's Ma$e! This song's inclusion on a movie soundtrack can only mean urban-ish triumph!

What's Probably Happening in the Movie:Boyz (just Boyz; cleaner, sexier) is tracking badly, but a massive, deadly heatwave throughout the Midwest and South provokes millions of young and poor people to find relief in air-conditioned movie theaters, so the opening weekend box office is through the roof. (Elderly people die in record numbers, but they're outside the demo, so fuck 'em.) Plus, Turtle gets those sneakers he wanted! Everybody wins! Avion and limes all around!

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