Republicans try real hard, but they still don't understand

March 23, 2013|Rachel Patron, COLUMNIST

The Republicans will rise again. It doesn't seem so today, but they will because such are the dynamics of American Democracy.

A few weeks ago I wrote about Republicans' delusional claim that their message was improperly packaged, or as their National Chairman Reince Priebus contends, they had a "weak ground game" and lagged behind the Democrats in "both data and digital," as well as "timing and format of debates."

Really, you lost the election because of faulty e-mail technology and an antiquated database?

In what appeared a hopeful step, last week the Conservative CPAC held its conference to perform what Jews on the Day of Atonement call, "Accounting of the Soul." In other words: How to put a Republican in the White House in 2016? The simple answer: get enough people to vote for you. How to go about it? Sincerely change your feelings and attitudes towards the American people by showing some love to those for whom you had expressed nothing but contempt.

How about the old idea of "winning the hearts and minds of ....."

We don't mean Vietnam, Iraq or Afghanistan, but right here at home — winning the hearts and minds of Americans. Why should so many of us be unloved by Republicans? Complicating the situation is Republicans' honest belief that their Draconian conservatism is what's best for the country. Most Americans disagree.

The following is simple math, not an imaginary calculation: When Mitt Romney nonchalantly dismissed 47 percent of the electorate, he assumed that 53 percent were solidly in his pocket, giving him a comfortable 6 percent edge. What he actually had was a 3 percent margin, too narrow and risky to play for keeps.

But for Republicans, their values — not science or math — is the way to win hearts and minds. So what are these values?

Abortion —- always bad! Federal courts agree that no abortions be performed after 24 weeks of pregnancy, but North Dakota had just decreed it to be six — and some zealots claim that a life is created at the moment of insemination. Why not take it a step further and determine that life starts the moment two people consider having sex? Perhaps they should sit on a park bench and eat an apple.

Gays — bad! Republicans do not factor in love, a home, companionship — all they can think about is sodomy. Yet, for most Americans the "gay issue" is off the radar.

Guns — good! For the NRA the only way to protect ownership of your AK-47 is to buy an AK-74. In the real world, most Americans are prepared to consider the small measure of background checks. Conservatives must feel like the cowboys of yore: I feel naked without my gun!

Money — good if its ours! To them it's a given that 47 percent are freeloaders supported by a profligate government. Ergo, to reduce the deficit we must wean them off their evil ways and transform them into income-and-tax-producing citizens. If the process takes three years or five — so be it. For these masses, it'll be a learning experience and they'll thank us for it. The tough love will win us their hearts and minds.

At CPAC, the delegates confirmed that their "mainstream" is the tea party. Twenty five percent voted for Sen. Rand Paul as their standard bearer for 2016. How smart is that? Yes, he's a funny guy and well-spoken — the one best qualified to deliver a 13-hour filibuster. I wouldn't mind for Sen.Paul to repeat his gig. Twenty three percent went to the young, cute and bland Sen. Marco Rubio. But he's also Hispanic. Still, we would like from him some fresh ideas.

Which brings us to the junior senator from Texas, Ted Cruz. He reminds me of the poem, "The Second Coming" by W.B. Yates in which he warns that "a terrible beauty is born" bent on upsetting the order we live in. Cruz may not be a beauty — but he roars at everyone, even the eminent Sen. John McCain.

So please God — do not allow Ted Cruz to filibuster on the Senate floor.