From The Message Boards: Is Celibacy A Good Idea?

Celibacy
Sex is great for some people, but what about those girls who aren’t ready to give it all up yet? It might seem like we talk about doing the deed a lot here on Gurl, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t fully aware that some of you girls are more into the idea of abstinence. And when we saw this post on the message boards, we decided that we had to know: what do you think about celibacy? Is it a good idea, or is it an outdated thing that just doesn’t seem practical?

Read what these girls had to say about the idea of celibacy, check out our opinion, and then let us know what you think in the comments.

whitnei92 said:I’ve really been considering practicing this whole celibacy thing for many reasons. I just wanted to see if anyone here was/is celibate and how things are/were going during your journey.

Don't wanna wait? Totally up to you.

stayclassy replied, saying:I don’t believe in not having sex until you get married. I need to know that the person I am marrying is sexually compatible with me, that we have sexual communication. Sex is healthy in a relationship, as well as an important part.

That being said, you don’t have to sleep with every guy that comes your way. You don’t have to choose one extreme (sleeping with everyone) or the other (not having sex until you’re married). You can just be extremely choosy about who you sleep with. Maybe you can have sex with a boyfriend only when you are committed.

nyctimene replied, saying:I’ve been celibate since early 2007. I’m not dating, so that makes it easier but I guess I could be out there ‘hooking up’ (which I used to do). It’s really not that bad. People act like if you don’t have sex 5x a week, you’ll shrivel up and die and it just makes me laugh. I only miss sex very occasionally.

If you ever get the ‘urge’, that’s what masturbation is for. 😉 It’s a lot faster and safer (in terms of pregnancy and STDs).

You don't have to be a nun, or religious, to be celibate.

I personally really enjoy it. It seems like the boards are full of girls freaking out that they’re pregnant, that they have STDs, that they need to get birth control or their birth control is making them ill and real life isn’t much better. When you’re celibate, you don’t have to deal with any of that.

What do we think? Celibacy is totally a matter of opinion. If you want to be celibate, we say, go for it! There’s nothing wrong with it, and nyctimene makes a great point when she says it’s the safest way to avoid STD’s and pregnancy. If you’re more comfortable not having sex at all, or waiting to have sex, then you should absolutely wait.

However, there’s also nothing wrong with enjoying sex as a teen girl. stayclassy made another great point when she said that it doesn’t have to be one extreme or the other. If you want to sleep with your sweetie (or anyone else for that matter), no one should make you feel bad about that.

What do you think about celibacy? Who do you agree with? Have you ever tried it, or would you ever try it? Tell us in the comments.

My mom gave me an abstinence ring when i was 11 years old. I’m 17 years old now and ever since then i haven’t taken it off! =) It makes me kinda sad when people are like “Wow! I can’t wait THAT long” and I’m over here not even havin’ that cross my mind! I cant imagine loosing my virginity =O I haven’t even had my first kiss yet! I have, however, thought on multiple occasions what being married will be like. When I do finally loose it how AWKWARD IT WILL BE! All my friends tell me you bleed and it hurts and you cry and all this other stuff and I DON’T WANNA EVER LOOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD I’m sure not very much of that is true though…. at least……… I hope……

nikki

Ok so I am a chatholic and in my religgion sex or masturbation is a sin along with any sexual activities. I’m only 14 and I believe in waiting to have sex until I find a guy I truly am into because for some superstitious reason I feel it will feel so Mich better with someone I care about. Also a downside to my life I so far have done oral sex on this guy I know who is 16. It is strange but I’m not into him anymore then a friend but I don’t want to stop hooking up with him. Its like I’m so helpless when I’m around him and I want things to go further and further. But I know deep down that if I end up having sex
with him I will regret it. Its just such a hard thing to keep control.

trish

Ahhh ok im not alone! lol well im 17 and i have purity ring. my mom gave it to me when i was like 12 the odd thing is that i asked for it but never thought my mom would actually be serious about it ?! now i made a promise and now that in m 17 and in a long time relationship with my bf for over 2 yrs its sucks ! its so hard. i really love him and he really loves me . he already got me a promise ring and god willing we do get married in the future. i know hes the one . its really hard bcuz now i have hormones he has hormones were young and in love lol . it also sucks bcuz im hardly able to see him bcuz hes an active duty marine. im like the only virgin out of my friends and so is he bcuz hee wante to wait for the right girl which is me 🙂 but also he understands my morals a religious views and is willing to wait until marriage but i know he gets irritated sometimes, ive been punked on by my friends and his for my purity ring but honestly i have been pretty strong. its hard bcuz i feel torn between giving my all to him the one i know i will spend the rest of my life with or breaking a very important promise. im a confused soul lol im just glad to have a bf who understands. the best advice i can say is make sure yur ready and its the right one so theirs no regrets.

dreamlove_

Ok i am 15 ‘ & i already had sex with a couple people . I have chosen to be celibate because i was in a realtionshipbwhere ibwas inlove & we were getting ready to have sex wr plabed it ahead a time & itbwas very romantic , but after we had sex he broke up with me. My friends all said he was using me & althrough it was hard to believe it was the truth . After that happen i decied to be celibate for myself i would like to share a connection with someone who is willing to wait . & I would like to be sure he loves me as well before we have sex . I also deciede to become celibate because as you know im in highschool , & i havent had the best years , the guys who i chose to have sex with , told girls , & girls are really mean . So they called me names , i was happy for a long time . , but i feel that if im celibate , i can open up anew chapter in my life , & im doing this for myself no one else .

Ceianna

I’m nervous about staying a Virgin, all of my family has waited until they were married, and they ended up marrying their high school sweetheart… Could that have something to do with it? My mom has always said if a guy loves you, he’ll wait… and my boyfriend now is willing to wait, but now I’m not sure if I am. There is a lot of ” sparks ” between us, and I feel like that if we are alone and the timing is right, we, or I might just give in. I’m also worried that if we have sex, he might start to look at other girls. He means a lot to me and I know he wants to, and I’m happy he isn’t pressuring me, but I’m wondering…. If we wait, is there a better chance we’ll last than there is if we get it on? Advice… PLEASE! 🙂

Mimi

What’s keeping your relationship fresh and alive is the mystery (i.e sex) Your boyfriend has never experienced sexual intercourse with you so he’s intrigued and I advise you to wait. I promise you that it will all be worth it because you’ll be really comfortable with him and if you guys are gonna be together forever, you don’t have to worry about him losing interest. Good luck and stay strong 😉

Bohemian_sunset

Just turned 20 and i am a virgin. No sexual contact at all. No boyfriend. Not even a first kiss. I don’t let that define me though.but i am open with discussion about it. I like being celibate.It’s for religious purposes. Im not ashamed . I feel kind of rare. But i love your guys stories:) it’s really your choice make sure your ready!

ShadowMyGirl

Personally, I don’t think that sex is a HUGE value in a relationship. Yes, it is an urge and a good thing. But, celibacy is NOT a bad thing. I am still a virgin (unlike a lot of my friends), and it’s perfectly okay. A difference is that I am a Christian, so of course, I follow the rules of the Bible. But even then, that is beside the initial point. My boyfriend never judges me for it and he is celibate just like I am. It’s a choice.

Misia

For me, I’m going to wait til marriage. I’m not religious, so that doesn’t affect my decision. To me sex should be a done when you share a special connection with someone whom you love, trust, and respect and vice versa. To me, the ultimate form of this connection is marriage. (Yes, I know not all marriages last and feelings/people change) Even If my marriage wasn’t to last I’d feel better losing it to a exhusband than to a exboyfriend. Sure, I know divorcing a husband might hurt a lot more.I don’t think people have to practice abstinence if they share this “connection” with a boyfriend, but I’d rather wait. I don’t think people should slept with many random others regardless of if it’s safe or not, but I guess it’s there body to do what they want with it. That’s just my opinion, I’m not about to go into some bs about respecting one’s self. At the end of the day people are going to do what they want and I’m not going to go out of my way to judge someone who sleeps around or not. People have more things to be worried about in life, but that’s my take on the whole abstinence thing. Not trying to offend anyone.

Ceianna

That’s what I get a lot, when I’m asked if it is because I am religious, I look them dead in the eye and say no. It makes me feel better though, I have a strong will but sometimes, as I am sure you’ve experienced before, it’s a little tough to hold back 🙂

Anon

I’m a 16-year-old Christian virgin, my boyfriend is a 20-year-old Christian virgin. While I agree sex is an important part of a marriage (and I’ve had my own apprehensions about sex…”*That* has to go *there*??”…it’s important to me that we save ourselves. I wouldn’t want to date someone who wasn’t a virgin, unless they were truly repentant of their decision.

Jess

Sex is a really important part of a relationship, whether or not people who are celibate choose to admit it. Although I find it admirable to want to save yourself for someone you plan on spending your life with, you want to know you are compatible physically as well as emotionally. Also, establishing a physical connection deepens your emotional connection with your partner. Exploring physical boundaries with another person will help you realize what you want in a sexual partner.

Bea

I made these “rules” for myself about sex when I was 12: 1) I would wait until I was 18 at the youngest, 2) It would have to be with a guy who truly loved me and I loved him, 3) We’d plan it out a few days before so we’d be completely ready, 4) He’d wear a condom and I’d have birth control and 5) I would make sure I was absolutley, possitivley, 100% certain this is the right choice for me and only me.

kristine

i completely agree with you dee,when i get married,i want my husband to know that i love him more than life itself and i plan on showing that to him by giving him my virginity. im a christian and im only 14 but thats what i want to do.i dont judge other people when they have sex pre-marriage because thats their choice.im single and still a virgin and plan to stay that way until marriage because thats my choice.just as i dont judge people on their beliefs about sex,i expect the same back.