February 25, 2004

In a comment to yesterday’s post, one of my Montana blog buddies, TL Hines, advised me that Wachovia, which I was pronouncing as Watch-OVAH-ya, is really pronounced “Walk-OVAH-ya.” This was confirmed by a reader, Dex, who hails from Virginia, which he notes is the state in which Wachovia first surfaced.

As a result of receiving this important information, I decided to share my feelings with the people at Wachovia in the following open letter:

Dear Dweebs of Wachovia:

Yours is but one of the many banks that, for one reason or another, has taken up residence in my town. However, the thing that distinguishes your bank from the others that comprise this invading hoard is that your bank has a really dumb name. What the hell kind of name for a bank is “Wachovia”? Do you mean to tell me that people actually leave their money in a place with dipshit name like that?

Now I learn that, not only have you given your crummy bank a seriously lame name, but also that you pronounce it funny. How the hell do you get “Walk-OVAH-ya” out of Wachovia? No English speaking, right-thinking person would say it that way. Are you people from Mars? Estonia?

So, what’s the deal? Is this one of those instances where you say, “Well, Jimbo, It’s spelled ‘Wachovia,’ but it’s pronounced ‘Hornswoggledillyfuddywalawalabingbang’.” (Thanks and apologies to Monty Python) Baloney!

Look, I question whether our town is big enough for 15 banks, but I am damned sure that we don’t have room for a bank with a ridiculous name, which is made even worse by your insisting that it be pronounced in some dumbass way.

I believe that I speak for all the fine people of my town (many of whom, by the way, are veterans — something that is decidedly trendy these days) when I demand that you knuckleheads change the name of your bank to something that sounds more like a damned bank, rather than some Boy Scout summer camp. Wachovia, indeed. Feh.

In the meantime, I intend to continue to do all my banking at Augie and Tony’s Savings and Loan, where everyone who opens a new account gets a coupon for a medium pepperoni pie at Giglio’s Pizza-rama.