Yes, I Am The First Moron To Be Hospitalized By Kinect

A few years ago my kneecap popped out quite suddenly and unexpectedly while drinking with some friends at Barcade in Brooklyn. It wasn’t just a little popped out either – when I fell to the floor, collapsed against a nearby Tapper cabinet, I assumed my leg had just mysteriously broken. Whatever was going on, all I could tell was that something was jutting out of my leg by several inches.

An ambulance ride and two hours of agony later, a doctor popped my kneecap back in and sent me home limping, swollen, but relatively fine. My hope was that it would never happen again.

Fast forward to about a week ago. Kinect came out and Dance Central looked awesome – I had to get one. I ordered it from Amazon and it arrived a couple days later. Kinect Adventures got boring pretty quickly and the dashboard was a disappointment, but Dance Central ended up being everything I hoped for. I loved it so much I started playing it every chance I got, twisting and contorting that knee for hours on end – I probably had this coming.

So my friends and I got together to play it and we were having a blast. Everyone was drinking, laughing, and our dance moves ranged from smooth and sexy to hilariously spastic. I landed somewhere in the middle, at least until I landed on the floor after one knee jerk too many dancing to Teach Me How To Jerk.

Here’s the song in question, it explains a lot:

“Not again!” I shouted in agony, hitting the floor and scaring the hell out of everyone in the room.

“Joe, are you okay?”

“No.”

“Should I call an ambulance?”

“Yes.”

I tried popping it back in again, but it wouldn’t budge. Between the pain and the room full of terrified friends, I could see this would be another long night. The paramedics arrived to a room full of beer bottles, a Kinect, and me collapsed in the middle of it all. A police officer picked up the game and joked that he’d have to take it in for evidence.

And yes, once again, hours of agony just so a doctor can finally pop it back in, hours of my knee looking like this:

So I’m pretty sure that despite all the incidents of parents clubbing their kids in the head during Kinect Adventures or people smacking low-hanging objects into their TVs, I’m the first moron that was carried out of my house on a stretcher.

P.S. For anyone counting, Dance Central is still awesome and I’m still going to play the hell out of it once my knee is better.