9″x12″ mixed media painting on paper (.5″ border). This painting is on paper and will need to be matted and framed.

This painting is SOLD

It is so quiet in the loft right now. I usually try to fill the quiet. Swallow it up with sound. Music, TV, Audio books. My new Feist CD has just finished and I am resisting the urge to fill that …what? …VOID? Is it really a void?

The longer I sit here in the silence the more calm I feel. Silence. Sweet silence.

This painting feels silent to me. She is alone in her thoughts. There is a silent longing in her eyes. I do not know what she prays for. Perhaps she is simply asking for peace. Peace in her mind. To quiet her thoughts. Perhaps this is what I too am trying to quiet with all the noise I continually switch on. Quiet my mind. When I quiet my mind though am I numbing all my other senses as well? Can my mind miss an inspiring thought because it is too distracted by all the noise I am constantly assaulting it with.

I sat staring, staring, staring – half lost, learning a new language or rather the same language in a different dialect. So still were the big woods where I sat, sound might not yet have been born. (Emily Carr)

I love September, I always have. It is a time for new beginnings: back to school clothes, new pens, stationary and books. A chance to start fresh, to start anew.

I love second chances (third, fourth, fifth ….chances). I think that my most significant second chance was my second marriage. I went out with Chris when I was sixteen and then married him at thirty. Come to think of it, it may have been my second chance at marriage but it was his second chance at me (he broke my heart at sixteen).

This September I have reached a new chapter in my life. My youngest has started kindergarten and after school care and I have 6 hours in a row to create. 6 HOURS IN A ROW! I just may shout it from the rooftop, which would be my studio, so that is fitting because that is where I am planning to spend those 6 hours!

The best part, though, is Scarlett is so happy to be at school. I have never seen her happier. She can’t wait to get rid of me in the morning. She wants to learn, socialize, eat snacks and play with the other children more than anything. I love that for her.

Gosh, I am so proud of my girls right now. These are such good times. I realize that and that these times will not come again. There are no second chances here, these girls are growing up so fast. What I appreciate is, the time that I am given to create while they are away, allows me to be more present when they are with me. For that, I am grateful. I have been so angry lately, I hate to admit it, but I have. Like a pressure cooker, ready to blow but with nowhere for the steam to release. My art is my release. If I don’t to make art I feel dangerous, volatile, ugly.

This last month has been so hard. Chris working around the clock in the theatre has not been easy. Being a theatre widow kinda sucks and having no family living in your city kind of sucks even more at these times than it usually does.

One thing I wish? I wish that I could find a balance within myself so that I didn’t feel this way when I can’t create for long periods of time. I wish that I could relax and kick back and enjoy my time with my girls and know ‘they’ll be back in school next month, enjoy your time’. I can tell my self this one million times a day, actually, I think that I did, to no avail. Other people can tell me this, but my body…my whole being, refuses to listen. Instead, my heart vibrates, my breathing becomes labored and I start carrying ‘Rescue Remedy’ around in a hip flask.

Oh boy, ‘how do you solve a problem like Maria?’ I wish I knew!

I am hoping that now, this new chapter, can signify a clean slate and I can have a second chance with my girls to be a better mother. More patient, more calm, just more there. Perhaps just knowing that I need time to create is a huge learning experience. ‘Just take a break’ is not an option for me. That if I don’t get time to make art, then I am not the mother that I want to be. It may sound selfish but that is just who I am. It is my responsibility to make sure that I get that time, no matter what, no excuses.

AND I guess that was a lesson worth learning.

So blah, blah, blah … all that aside, THE GIVE AWAY for SEPTEMBER…

Do you have a second chance story? or perhaps a suggestion for me to find balance or recipe for a good cocktail if all else fails? (Just kidding).

Comment on this post and I will put your name down to win a fine art reproduction of ‘Straight Ahead’ and at the end of the month, my girls will draw the winner out of a hat!

Like this:

This is a 4″x6″ mixed media painting. The sides are painted turquoise and .75″ deep.
This painting is $55 and is available HERE.

Scarlett is not the best at getting up in the morning. She is moody to say the least. She comes by it honestly. I am not a morning person. She was special helper at preschool today which was great because it gives me something to wake her with.
“Scarlett, time to get up! Remember, you are special helper today!”
She literally FLEW out of bed!
I need to have one of these motivators every morning, it made life so much easier!

This is a 4″x6″ mixed media painting on paper covered canvas. The stretcher is 1.5″ deep the sides are painted red.

I think that this painting is more about how I wish my six year was and less like how she actually is. I am fairly sure if she saw this painting she would think it was babyish . I had to force this pose on her. Baby dolls are NOT her thing. She is way too mature for baby dolls but she is and will always be my baby doll, in yellow.

We actually had this William Morris wallpaper in our house when I was growing up. Different colour pallet though. We also had an old quince tree in the front yard that had coral coloured blossoms but not much in the way of fruit. My Dad did make Quince butter once with fruit that the ‘fruit man’ brought with his regular delivery.
Let’s just say, they are pretty to look at.
Taste, not so much.
Even my Dad couldn’t make these babies taste good. ICK!