Have I ever told the story here of Anal Birth day on the ranch? I feel like I tell that story a lot, but I can't remember if I've told it to you guys in particular.

Runs, Silverdream and Warhead are not both dapper. (What I'm saying is that no one can really figure out what Silverdream's deal is, but Warhead is definitely not dapper.) But they are also not your only two fathers. Your mom will have a lot to explain to you when you get older.

Okay so here's the anal birthday story. One day one of our horses was giving birth, BUT... the foal's hooves tore through the internal lining. (I'm surprised that doesn't happen more often, those little hooves are sharp.) So he ended up taking the wrong exit off the expressway, so to speak.

Anyway, a horse's anus is not designed for pooping out babies (which is why we have goatse and not horsese), so my poor mom had to go up in there elbows-deep and position the head and hooves for departure. I'll leave most of that to your imagination I guess, but it was grueling and bloody.

Eventually the foal was successfully anal-birthed and the mother mare cleaned it and nursed it and nuzzled it and did all the normal things that dams do when they're not bleeding to death out of their own buttholes, except in this case of course she was bleeding to death out her own butthole and died within the hour. Also I guess there was a lot more poopoo involved in licking the baby clean than would be the normal case, so that probably also sucked, but horseshit really isn't that bad compared to most other animals, so silver lining I guess.

So after that it was a matter of consoling a very sad girl who did not appreciate jokes about trading an old horse in for a newer model, and keeping the baby warm and fed for the next week or two until it could start taking care of itself and then it did just fine.

Ha ha I just remembered, I had forgotten about this completely, but I was driving the girl around in my truck either the next day or the day after, she was still pretty broken up and I turned on the radio to try and take her mind off things, and I kept switching stations, but EVERY SINGLE SONG was about betting on the wrong horse, or losing a horse, or a horse dying. Like can you even think of a single song about any one of those things? Me neither, but the radio was posessed or something that day. and before you ask, no I don't listen to any country stations, which made it even less likely. It was like "whoops uncomfortable," "whoops MORE uncomfortable," "OH SHIT WHAT THE FUCK"

Anyway so that's the anal birthday story. And everyone lived happpily ever after, except the ones who were dead, the end.