I am your typical housewife living in high maintenance suburbia. I have a handsome husband, 2 kids and a flock of pet chickens. I try and feed my family with $100 a month. With the help of coupons, gardening and bartering I am able to squeeze the most out of our grocery budget and still manage to have a little fun along the way.

How Much Do You Spend on Wedding Gifts?

It’s the height of wedding season, and while I don’t go to too many weddings, I am in a bit of a quandary on what the appropriate amount to spend on a gift.

I found a breakdown on Style Me Pretty that kind of outlined the “standards” depending on your relationship with the bride and/or groom. While I thought the breakdown {which starts at the $75 mark} was a little steep, it gave me a good idea on where to draw the line for higher-priced gifts based on their role in my life.

Personally, I always like to pick something off of the gift registry–just to make sure they are getting exactly what they want. And I’ve kind of settled into a routine of $50, unless we know them really well, then I might go up to $100.

Thinking about the whole gift-giving obligation made me wonder what the “norm” is, though–if there is such a thing as normal? 😉

So, what do YOU spend on wedding gifts? Do you spend more depending on who they are? Break it down for me…

Comments

We are in the midst of planning a wedding right now. I think eloping is an excellent idea. 😉 LOL.
In the past I have given safe boxes for the bride and groom. The fellas thought they were awesome. It was something they could really use. The last shower I went to, I made two aprons, a bag holder, and some pot mats for the table. They loved them. I think that’s what I’ll do from now on. IMHO…$75 is too much. It’s okay to start out as a couple with a few things….. it’s builds character. 😉

At the very least $100. There is a steep cost associated with every guest, you want to make sure your gift covers your meal & drinks plus gives them an actual gift on top of that.
However – if you can’t afford to spend a lot, as long as you gift something thoughtful but inexpensive (a framed photo or poem for example) would be nice.

I would say *most* people do not expect an exchange type scenario. However, on the east coast – you will be judged on your wedding gift, it can be quite contentious. Which is unfortunate.
I try to approach every wedding based on the specific scenario.

Class-based??? Yikes, no wonder there is so much dissention over ‘privilege’ in this world. Class is something you attend in school…not something by which we are defined through how much money we make or the value of the house we live in…or the cost of a wedding gift.
When I got married, I had been on my own for a long time so had most everything needed for our house… we both had jobs and paid for everything…I, along with a couple friends & family, made the food and we didn’t have booze (reception was in church social hall)..
We invited guests, friends & family,but I didn’t expect anyone to even give a gift other than to share in our day and the celebration…there were some who gave linend and housewares and even some gave a card with money…but it was neither expected nor required.

We had 8 attendants (incl. flower girl & ringbearer). I bought my gown from the sale rack for the previous year, bought the girls’ dresses @ JCPenney bridal shop on sale…and the Matron of Honor MADE the flower girl’s dress to match (you couldnt even tell!!!)…guys all had suits, which were ‘reusable’…two friendd did video & pics as their gift, same with organist & soloist…And it was a nice wedding, everyone was friendly & nobody had to feel they were being judged by the quality/cost of their gift offering…it was a PARTY.
If anyone getting married is looking for a bankroll to start their new lives, maybe they should have a smaller wedding, not a circus….and don’t try to outdo others…
Personally, I make gifts for friends/family for their special occasions…they are normal people who appreciate that I took the time and effort to do something special for only them…and if truth be told, the “cost” of a handmade gift is wayyyy more than that punchbowl or silver tea service….
Sorry, Mavis, didn’t mean to ramble & get haughty… 🙂

Right on! However, being a reader of Mavis’ blog means that I care about managing finances so perhaps I am not really part of the norm. I don’t think it would be prudent for my bank account for me to be forking over money to help someone else pay for their child’s wedding. Especially when you consider that some people go to extremes with lavish celebrations! LOL And then there is the divorce rate…….. $50 is my norm and it is for a gift on the registry. I go above $50 for very close friends and family.

My husband and I paid for our wedding. We had the size of wedding we could afford. Gifts were great, but not expected. I had relatives who drove 6 hours, and paid for a hotel (at ~90/night in the mid-90s), and gave us a check for $25. I was THRILLED that they made the trip. (Cost of the food was $55/head, total event maybe $100/head).

A couple of my friends though, gave us cash, the equivalent of the cost per person + a few bucks. I guess it was their tradition, but I still think it’s odd.

I have joked that it’s a big exchange of money though…often bride’s parents pay for the wedding, and the bride and groom get the gifts, and the guests get a meal/ party.

Anyway, for us it depends. We don’t go to weddings often anymore (past that age), but we give around $50-100.

I was with the understanding that registered gifts were given at the wedding shower and cash was best for the wedding gift. I also was with the understanding that the wedding gift should cover the cost of the meals plus extra as an actual gift. My dilemma now is that I’ve been invited to weddings that I can’t figure out approximate price per person or its so expensive I’d be shelling out over $300 to “cover costs and give extra as a gift.” I’ve been married for 10 years and never expected this from my guests but my SIL felt that each person SHOULD be giving her at LEAST $100 a person because of the venue she chose. She actually calculated how mush she should “make” from her wedding. I may start RSVPing no to some weddings because I can’t afford what people are expecting as gifts. (I will add that I live near Chicago, IL and wedding prices seem to be higher than usual)

I agree. My SIL wanted her wedding gift to pay for her honeymoon (which was extravagant and really expensive) but gift expectations are out of control in the Chicagoland area. My husband attended a wedding without me where he found out that it cost over $40K for the whole thing. That’s disgusting. I don’t know if the bride and groom were expecting their guests (250 of them) to shell out $160 each PLUS more PER PERSON but like I said that is the “norm” for this area. I don’t agree with it and I cannot afford that so I will choose wisely which weddings I can attend.
On another note, I did find it a bit out of the water that my father bought me a rice cooker (didn’t register for one and I NEVER cook rice) and a bathroom scale (which at least I could use but still didn’t register for it). I registered for quite a lot of home items that were not expensive that he could have choosen. So from that standpoint, I do try and purchase wedding shower gifts from their registry and don’t pull a “dad”on them and get them a rice cooker. (I ended up giving it to a co-worker many years later still in the original packaging). I am an avid couponer and find it sometimes difficult to buy off s registery but they made it for a reason.

I am from the metro N.Y. area, and your comments are the “norm” there too. Having moved to the South it seems as if it is the norm to choose a wedding gift from the registry.
I have started having the bridal couple’s invitation professionally framed for their gift. This can run over $100 and seems well received. It is a momento of their special day and something they normally won’t do themselves. In some cases, I have given a giftcard Michael’s or Hobby Lobby so they can chose the frame and matting themselves.

I agree that we also gauge our gift around how well we know the person, but here is my rule set:
1. Bridal showers are for registry things, weddings are for the $$$.
2. If I can’t make the wedding, I at least get them something from their registry (~$50 if they’re a meh, ~$100 if I care about them).
3. If I’m going to the wedding, I KNOW that wedding receptions usually charge $100-$150 a head (in the NJ area). Someone has to pay for those things. Since you never know who’s paying for the wedding (the couple or their parents), we always give a monetary gift of $200-$300 so that at least the young couple gets their money back, or enjoy’s a better post-wedding windfall.

I developed this rule set because my DH and I paid for our own wedding. We kept it small so that we could still be elegant but affordable. Imagine our shock when we were getting $50 checks from a couple when *we* paid $300 for them to join us at our wedding. Part of me thought, well, people give what they can, but I was still upset that we didn’t come close to breaking even. Forget about a honeymoon fund. Weddings can be black holes when it comes to money.

>Imagine our shock when we were getting $50 checks from a couple when *we* paid $300 for them to join us at our wedding. Part of me thought, well, people give what they can, but I was still upset that we didn’t come close to breaking even.

That’s ridiculous. You don’t host a party for more than you can afford in hopes of getting some of your money back. You stay within your budget. It’s incredibly tacky to expect a guest to help pay for a party they were invited to.

I could not agree more, Joanna. I don’t think you should expect *any* gifts, frankly. If you receive gifts that’s a bonus. After all, when you have a wedding you get to choose how many people to invite and how expensive the wedding will be.

Most weddings I’ve been to in the past couple of years have included a note with the invitations saying, “please don’t feel like you have to buy us a gift.” But I’m on the West Coast (Portland, OR); maybe the East Coast is different.

Otherwise, I’d say in my circle about $50 is pretty standard for general friends and maybe closer to $100 for siblings, cousins, etc.

Although I feel as if we give generous gifts for the weddings we are invited to attend…it would never occur to me that a wedding is an “exchange” type of situation. We invited people to attend our wedding as our GUESTS. If we couldn’t afford to throw a wedding than perhaps we shouldn’t have had such a large wedding. When my daughter gets married, her Dad and I will gladly pay for her wedding and it won’t matter if we are reimbursed. That is the craziest thing I have ever heard. Why not just ask for people’s credit card information with the RSVP if that is your mindset.

Weddings are supposed to be to share your special day with friends and family, not to get all the gifts you can or get your money back in merchandise and cash for what you’ve spent! I’m totally blown away by that kind of attitude.

Have a wedding you can afford or elope and send out wedding announcements. Those people who care about you will still send you a gift.

But to answer the question — it totally depends on who the person is in my life. An acquaintance would get a gift worth about $50, someone I knew better would probably get $100-$200, and my nephews and nieces would get a check BEFORE the wedding for $1000 to help them out (but I don’t have kids, so they’re kinda like my kids).

I, too, have NEVER considered an “exchange” of being invited to a wedding and paying them back! I think this is a regional thing. I’m from the (deep) south and I can assure you no one here thinks like that. We are inviting people and receiving invitations as guests. My children and my friends’ children are of the marrying age and I’ve been to so many weddings in the past few years I can’t count them all. I’ve been to or am going to attend 6 since May of this year alone. But, we are also not paying near the cost of $100-150 per person to the reception. My son is getting married in January and a high estimate would be $50 per person and this is considered a pretty nice (but not over the top) wedding where I’m from.
I have been the hostess for many, many showers in the past 5 years. General cost for each hostess for a large hostess gift is $25 plus we each incur costs based on what we bring to the shower–food, flowers, punch, decorations, etc. If I am really good friends with the bride or groom and their family, I will get them another gift in the $50 range. Relatives will get close to $100 gift.

Also from the South here and that’s how we do our gifting as well. Expecting to break even on a wedding would be the height of tacky! $50 for distant cousins, work friends, etc. $100 for close friends or family. (And that, of course, is the amount the gift is WORTH at retail prices. If you can find it on sale or with a coupon, more power to you!) I would feel terribly guilty if my family and friends were put into a difficult financial position in order to buy me a gift.

Maybe this is a cultural or regional thing? I feel like I hear about this a lot on the East Coast but not so much on the West Coast. I actually find it a little insulting as a guest at a wedding that I’m expected to somehow pay my way to attend? You invited me! At my own wedding just a few years ago we kept it small and paid for it ourselves with no expectations that it was somehow going to get paid off with gifts. I think this just goes back to people spending outside of their means.

Amen! I guess I am old fashioned; I thought you invited guests because you wanted them to share in the joy of the occasion, not bankroll your party. I am older, though, and maybe some younger people only think of the money aspect. It never occurred to us when we married 42 years ago to expect expensive gifts or money. In fact, back then a registry meant china, crystal and sometimes silver – those were generally wedding gifts. Household items were usually shower gifts. We were just madly in love and couldn’t wait to begin a life together! $50 – $100 today is perfectly acceptable for wedding gifts. Many thoughtful gifts are handmade, defying a dollar assignment. If the bride and groom do not appreciate the gift and the good wishes that come with it SHAME on them!

That is exactly how we viewed out wedding. In fact, I was constantly trying to cut costs because I didn’t want my parents to go into debt for it. We had a few arguments over my choices because they wanted to spend more than I did!

My husband and kids were in his cousins wedding last month. She had a budget to work with but went over so we had to pay for a flower girl dress and two tux rentals, all together we spent over $600 on clothes for 3 people to be in her wedding. She got a cookbook for a gift.

My parents grew up in the Depression Era and were from the “old country.” They drilled into me “cover your plate” for weddings as it is the least you can do. Granted, $150/plate is not what they were used to experiencing. The last wedding was for the daughter of very close friends. So in addition to the $100 shower gift, we did $250 from the gift registry using coupons (without the coupons, it would have been over $400). I like to think about how much I enjoyed opening gifts when I was married so long ago. Ultimately, it should be about celebrating the couple and helping them to start off their new life together. It all depends on how you look at it…with joy in helping them out or thinking it’s a gift grab.

I spend about $50 on a wedding gift if I don’t know them closely, about $100 if I know them well, and more if they’re close family.

Regarding the Gift vs. Reception cost issue, I don’t consider that in my gift giving strategy. I don’t like the concept of expecting guest gift money to help cover the cost of the reception. That takes away from the pleasure of giving a wedding gift (hoping your gift helps the couple in their new life together) – and takes away from the graciousness of hosting a celebratory party for your guests (which is what the reception is supposed to be). I’d advise couples to stick to a realistic budget, and host the size and style party that they can reasonably afford even if they don’t get ANY gifts.

I think the entire wedding scenario has gotten out of hand. So many are spending ridiculous amounts on the ceremony and reception and then get bent out of shape if someone they invited can not afford a gift to cover what was “spent” on them.

We did our entire wedding (including my dress) for under $1000 and that included the food for dinner for all of our guests. We did not ask for gifts. I would rather pick out what we need as I need it so I could get what I really want.

I do try to pick something off of someone’s registry but only at the lower price range.

After reading the comments I feel really intimidated now. I live in So Cal and we’re usually not able to afford to pay for the cost plus a gift. I would like to think that we’re invited to a wedding because they want us to share in the joy. I’m sure some people think that we are cheap or rude, but I think it is the same mentality as Christmas. It becomes about the money and the desire to impress, and the true meaning of the event is lost in the process. I think that if you cannot afford to invite people that can’t cover your costs then you are losing the true meaning of occasion. How about “it’s the thought that counts” or “the true meaning of a gift is the heart of the giver”. I wonder if the success of the marriage is inversely related to cost and size of the event.

I’m kind of on the same page. I was invited to a lot of weddings during college. I owned my home worked 40 plus hours a week and went to school full time. It was usually stressful to take a Saturday off because that’s when I made the most tips. I would have loved to do more than a $30 gift, but again, I would have hoped they invited me because I was a part of their life. Now that I am getting married, I invited who I want to spend the day with me. I didn’t invite people because I wanted gifts.

I have not been to a wedding in a few years. However, anyone who invites me knows I have very limited resources. So, if I spent $20, that would be an extravagance. However, I can shop wisely at pricey stores, often purchasing things at less than $40 of retail. I don’t just pick up anything cheap to say I gave a gift. I would know their lifestyle and preferences before I bought a gift.

As an example–I bought a $50 leather, good brand, wallet for a friend. I spent $5 plus tax. I thought about it for a bit and bought two more for men’s gifts for the coming Christmas.

I agree that guests should not have to reimburse the bride and groom for inviting them to the wedding; however here in the east, that’s what’s expected. And within certain circles, everyone knows how much you gave at the last wedding and compares it to how much you gave this time.
I usually use a registry for shower gifts, though sometimes that bothers me, too. Many of the weddings I’ve attended recently, the bride and groom have been living together for quite some time. There’s no new household to set up.

I have never heard of the bride covering the cost of wedding clothes, that is crazy. I have heard of some people trying to cover the cost of their meal but most people around here don’t do that and I live on the East coast but in PA. Kind of tacky to expect your guest to pay for their dinner and leave enough to go on a honeymoon. Cheryl

I’m planning my wedding right now, and we have a budget of about $20,000. That’s a low budget for weddings, I still can’t wrap my head around how I feel like I’m spending too much and not enough money at the same time. We’ve saved for it and can afford the party. That being said, it ends up being about $100/person. I know that before the wedding planning process, I would give around $50-100 a gift. Now that I know what throwing a wedding entails, I will probably give a higher priced gift at the next wedding I attend.

I don’t expect to get $100 gifts from everyone. I know that is absurd. I’m throwing this big of a wedding because I want all of my family there and for it to be an enjoyable weekend for all involved. I guess all I’m trying to say is that weddings have become ridiculously expensive. Even my friends that have had relatively inexpensive weddings have had a hard time keeping it under $5k.

Oh yeah, that stock photo you posted with all of the balloons?
The smaller balloons were probably around $1 a piece (Helium is expensive these days), the 2 large balloons were about $200. Her dress on the low end was probably $1000, and his tux was around $500. That photo cost nearly $2k. And doesn’t include the space rental.

I feel really intimidated about the gift giving thing now that I have read the above comments. I live in So Cal and usually we cannot afford to pay for the cost of the meal plus a gift. I would like to think that we are invited because they want us to share in the joy of the couple. Some weddings have become about the desire to impress and have lost sight of the meaning much like what has happened with Christmas. I really feel that “the value of the gift is about the heart of the giver”. I wonder if the success of the marriage is inversely related to the cost of the wedding.

A few years ago, I was invited to an out-of-town wedding (high school friend’s daughter, whom I only knew by name). I RSVP’d I would be unable to attend due to a previous commitment and sent a $75 all purpose gift card in a wedding card. I never got a thank you note or response to an inquiry whether the couple received the card. I don’t know if they were unhappy I didn’t go, thought I was cheap, or never got the card.

IMHO $75 was very generous for a guest that could not attend. I would have (hand) written you a thank you note if you sent me a $10 gift card or even an empty card. That was thoughtful of you and I am sorry that happened to you. What is worse that “expecting” a certain amount is being ungrateful for what you DID receive.

In all of the weddings I have been to, I think I have received ONE thank you card. To top it off, it was a picture with a generic thank you that EVERY guest received. I’m sure they were wrapped up in “it’s my wedding i deserve this” mentality. Not sending personalized thank you cards is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. I think people get caught up in being selfish and lazy.

In Chicago, it’s expected to give $125-$150/head as that is the cheapest possible cost of a wedding that includes dinner & dancing. (Some venues are much more, but that additional cost is optional for the bride & groom). For a wedding reception at someone’s home or a church hall (very low cost) then $50/head.

It’s expected that elderly and or young relatives might not be able to give that much $, but that everyone else will. The idea is that if you don’t WANT to give that much, then you aren’t close enough to really want to go (except family, of course). I have declined invitations based on the expense of a gift.

I have attended out-of-state, small town weddings (much, much lower cost), where I knew the bride well (so saw all the gifts & checks), and it seemed most people spent around $30-$50 on a gift, or even made a handmade gift.

While it might be nice to go back to not having the expectation of gifts covering the cost of at least dinner, I think the marrying couple would have to set that by saying “Absolutely no gifts.” I wouldn’t want to risk ending a friendship by totally bucking a custom and not giving sufficient $$ to cover our meals…for now, it IS expected around here.

On a related topic, the European custom is that the bride pays for bridemaids dresses (makes sense…). One sister paid for her bridesmaids dresses, and I was a bridesmaid in another wedding where the mother of the bride (European) paid for the dresses.

We only had two people stand up for us when we got married and we paid for all outfits. I don’t believe in expecting someone to shell out $200 for an outfit i made them wear one time. We went the no suit just dress pants and shirt and off the rack dress route and both people went on to use those outfits repeatedly.

Good Heavens !!! I can’t believe some of the so called “customs” some of you have written about …. And I think the word “expected” is certainly over used here.

In the first place, answer the question “Why do folks get married?” .. just to get gifts from other people or try to outspend their friends? I would think they get married because they love each other and they invite people to come and be happy for them and enjoy their love for each other.

I’m not wealthy yet I still feel that I sometimes don’t spend enough on shower or wedding gifts. I’ll usually go with $50 or so for either. But, I also go out way ahead of time and get things others may not think of or that I find very useful such as that little mini whip you use for stirring hot chocolate in a cup or those little holders for the ends of hot corn cobs, garlic press, etc …. and I’ll fill a nice kitchen container with them with a total $ of about $50-60. I’m a gadget person so that’s what I buy for others.

I might buy a larger item if they do have a gift list that I “might” look at but generally I’ll stick with the gadget type things unless I don’t have time, and then I’ll put cash in a gift card and, if I’m not going, I’ll make sure I give it to someone who is. Don’t mail cash !!!

Also another word on cash ….. my niece was married a couple years ago and, while at the airport waiting to board their plane, they bought a few things and paid for them (or TRIED to pay for them) with one of the $100 bills they had gotten as a gift. The bill was COUNTERFEIT !!!! If you’re going to give large bills just because you can, at least please make sure they’re not counterfeit …

Wow…just…wow. I am flabbergasted at the amount of money that couples seem to be expecting these days. We haven’t had many weddings to attend in the last 10 or so years, but when we go, we generally give a check for $20, with a nice card. When I was a newlywed myself I loved crystal and so I’d give something crystal (candlesticks or vase). But I came to realize that crystal wasn’t something everyone appreciated, so we switched to money. 😉

The only Way to stop this insanity is by refusing to participate. I give what I can and according to how well I know one or both of the couple, and without regard for what they spent for the wedding. I am not responsible for their expenses and if people elect to evaluate my worth by how much I spend, I can’t help that. They are entitled to their opinion but at my age I pretty much know my own worth and it does not fluctuate depending on what people think of me at the moment. I find the idea of paying for my invitation by giving a certain value gift to be repugnant and I would hope that I am not friends with people who think like that.

I often give gifts that appear to cost a lot but were purchased on the clearance rack or yard sales. They certainly don’t look substandard, but we can’t afford $150 gifts every time we attend a wedding. In recent years we’ve been invited to the dumbest events- save the date parties, housewarmings where a bunch of roommates moved in together, then on to the bridal affairs… 5 or more per wedding! It got to be absurd. The more I got to know some of the couples, I knew that the marriage would last no longer than the honeymoon. We gave paper products (toilet paper, paper towels, etc. ) and cleaning supplies for shower gifts. They could be used whether the couple was together or apart.
We live in a small town in Virginia and many big-city ideas have infiltrated the customs here lately.
We had a very pleasant church wedding with a lovely reception at 2 pm. Perfectly gorgeous flowers grown by a friend and I. We had a lavish spread of hor d’ourves, a pleasant punch. No bar, no dj, no dinner. We spent less than $5,000 on the whole thing. We’re still just as married as the couples who spent $50,000 or more for the same stuff. I’m happier having spent less and applied the money to something more purposeful- our house and farm!

This discussion leaves me bewildered. So glad we went to the courthouse and skipped all the drama and expectations. We’re still married 37 years later. 🙂
As for gifts…I give what I can afford (not a lot) and try to buy something from the registry.

I live in the greater NYC area, and I usually spend about $150 – $250 as a wedding gift, unless it is an extended family member, then I’ll spend $250 or so.

But if I ever heard one peep about the couple “expecting” a certain amount, I’d yell foul pretty fast. And the idea of being expected to cover the price of your meal (averages about $200 a head here), is just awful and tacky. That said, I know of many who just can’t swing that, and give what they can afford, or are comfortable with, and no one I know would ever say, or think, a thing about it. They’d just be grateful they were present and be glad to host them.

I’m a little flabbergasted to read the comments about reciprocity between cost of event and gifts. Seriously, my proper grandmother would be horrified to read them. I was taught that one promptly responds in the affirmative or negative to an invitation, gives a lovely gift to the best of one’s means, shares the joy of a friend’s wedding, and then can expects a simple thank you note from the couple. Myself, I’m not one to give a gift for every little event or even every birthday, so major events like graduations, weddings, and births warrant a generous gift, which for my budget means $100 for most weddings and more for close friends and family members.

Mavis, like you, I’m in the Seattle area and have been married since the mid 90’s. I am mystified by this idea of a guest having to spend an amount equal to the cost of their dinner. When I attended my niece’s wedding last year, I gave a gift worth $50—that was a lot for us, we’re on a tight budget. (We are a one-income family in this area that takes two incomes to afford!) This was on top of a $25 shower gift. No one insinuated that was not enough, thankfully. Most recently, we were invited to a wedding in the Midwest for my husband’s cousin’s son—I had only met the young man once in my life and that was about 20 years ago, so you can see we aren’t close. There was no way we could afford to attend the wedding. I sent a check for $36, since multiples of 18 are considered good luck in Jewish tradition. That was truly all we could afford. Maybe they thought we were cheap, but I can’t worry about that, I won’t go into debt to pay for a wedding present. p.s. I remember busting my butt to get all of my thank-you cards out quickly. I have yet to receive a thank-you card for any of the gifts I’ve sent lately. I guess millennials don’t believe in thank-you cards, but I’m not a busybody and won’t be inquiring about them.

Iowa Here And $35 Is Just fine For A wedding. Shoot we do 25 for people we aren’t close to and no one has ever said anything. Weddings here are pretty inexpensive, at least mine was. We had 385 show up and it cost us $6000 including dress and bridal party outfits.

The pay per plate/gift exchange equation does not take into account travel costs for guests. If a couple asks me to attend their wedding, and I spend $500 (conservative estimate) on airfare, hotel, transit, meals, etc., should they feel put-out if I only give a $50 gift?

What if I bring a significant other or a child and my cost balloons to $1000? What’s an acceptable gift then?

I’m with you – $100 for family/special friends, $50 for the rest. I don’t see it as an exchange, though I’m not surprised that others do, particularly in the Northeast where prices are pretty steep and expectations high.

We give what we can afford.
When we had children at home and were going to many more weddings, the gifts were smaller.
Now the kids are grown, and we don’t go to very many weddings (perhaps 1 every 3 years).
The last wedding we went to we gave $200. The couple is just starting out, both military, I know they need it, and we could afford it.

Whoa! This discussion blows me away. Thank goodness I don’t live on the East Coast. I couldn’t afford to have friends. Seriously, how can anyone want people in their life who are the type to compare the gifts you gave other people at the last wedding?? If I lost a friend over how much I spent on a gift, well then, good riddance!! Those aren’t friends. Those are “frienemies.”

Being we don’t have a lot of money right now to spend. And I have a embroidery/sewing machine. I will put that thing to use by going to walmart or some where like that and get a nice towel set and monogram them. I even do this with baby blankets for baby showers. Where we live it is not expected for guest to spend a large amount on gifts. If a large amount of money is spent like $50 and up a group of people will go in together on the gift. This it also how i will be doing christmas this year.

A couple years ago, I attended, I made a nice quilt for them. Never heard a thing. When I saw the bride later, I asked if the quilt did get to them after the reception. Her reply – “Oh, yeah, we use it a lot” When did not thanking people come in vogue?
I really don’t feel like spending much if they can’t even say thank you

I don’t usually spend more than $50 because that’s what I can afford and even that is a sacrifice. When I got married, I was just thrilled that people came to enjoy our day with us. Of course I enjoyed the gifts, but saw them as very kind gestures not necessary and certainly not owed. The gift I remember the most was a card with $20 from a cousin (who I knew had very little to give) with the sweetest message written inside.

Wedding gift I usually give is $100. Graduatiin gift is $50. My mom always said try to atleast pay for the dinner you are eating at the wedding. However, many of my relatives (Mexican heritage) help pay for parts of the actual wedding, ex) dress, tux, flowers, etc. So, in that case I would get no additional “present” at the wedding. I also would have little debt as the ocassion is almost paid for! I have been married for 15 years and I like that idea best.

Wow….I am totally dumbfounded reading those post. I know things are getting over the top but I didn’t realize so many expected to make money or break even. I too am on the West Coast. I have been married twenty five years. I have attended weddings that have ranged from a beautiful backyard wedding to a wedding that was almost 75k. (I am friends with grooms mother so she told me the cost). I still only gave my standard 50 for friends and family and 100 to couples who I knew needed the help more.

But in this pintrest and social networking age I have noticed not just weddings are over the top but so are birthday parties and graduation parties. I have had parents of college graduates tell me they are having parties to help their kids get money for their loans!

I live in NYC, and $150 per guest attending is usually the unspoken minimum. I don’t think I need to cover my plate by any means, but throwing a wedding here is just insanely expensive. Most friends didn’t have an actual “wedding” but instead threw a drinks and dancing type party- even still, as a cheapest option, that is $$$. I think of the $150 as my (genuine) part to play to celebrate with those I love. That said friends who have been broke (also common because NYC can suck you dry) do what they can, and no one thinks ill of them. A big hug can be worth just as much.

I had my wedding outside of NYC in a backyard- my side (NYC) brought checks, and my upstate ny side brought nothing. Each side was flabbergasted by the other.

I’ve never kept count. I usually buy either a large kitchen trash can or a hamper and fill it with odds and ends of household items. Like, dish soap, dish cloths (knitted or crocheted), hand towels, bath towels and wash cloths, soap, toilet tissue, paper towels, and any other items like that. I also make a hankercheif that can be turned into a bonnet for the first baby. Thins that most people don’t buy. I’ve even bought a Sheet set if I know the bed size.

Hey Mavis, Can you have your comments section add a “like” and “dislike” button ? I’d like to like and dislike a lot of comments but it would take me all day to comment on some of them … I did comment above,
“Constance says July 13, 2016 at 10:58 am” and I’m from south of you in OR. The last wedding in our family must have cost over $30,000. This because of the “have to keep up with the Joneses” and other reasons. But, even at that, no one expected anyone to pay for their dinners (it was a very nice pizza party/potluck the evening before) and no one was expected to give expensive gifts.

I am getting married in just 2 and a half months. I would never expect any sort of gift from anyone. I know most people will give gifts but their presence is all that I expect. We have generous gifts from our parents that are paying for our wedding. We had no idea they would do that and are eternally grateful. I am so glad I live in an area that people aren’t expected to pay for their plate. I wouldn’t be able to afford to go to many of the weddings! Mine is going to be less than $5000 including a $600 kegging system that we will keep and use for many many more years to come!