Sunday, November 20, 2011

With the latest release of Call Of Duty, Modern Warfare 3, has come hundreds of endless lines as tireless nerds wait for their own copy of the game. Or so it was assumed.... Also released was Skyrim, which seemingly stole all of the "loyal" COD nerds and began to lay down it's own legacy. Yet little known amongst this chaos is the truth behind COD MW3. Why is it called "Call" of duty first off?? Warped Reality Headquarters searched into this game to reveal the shocking truth.

Connected to each copy of Call of Duty is a microscopic chip which transmits data to and from NATO and United States troops stationed around the world. The lonely nerd in his parents basement believes he is controlling a simulated character in a faux world; he is far from correct. Each control in the game is directly synced with the movements of a real life soldier.

Yeah, that's right! You remember when you noob-tubed your teammate?? He was in the news that other day. And remember that quickscope you got last night?? Well you were controlling a master sniper. The game doesn't seem so innocent anymore, DOES IT?!

The United States government, NATO, and international armed forces have put their strategies in combat in the hands of the lonely nerd in his parents basement. People just like Varun Ramesh are unknowingly placed into the position of Commander of armed forces, where they are trusted with leading their brigades to victory. The other dark side of the game?? There is NO respawn... Remember when you were grenaded that one day from behind that wall?? Bet you feel pretty bad now.

We, at Warped Reality Headquarters, off our most humble condolences to the fallen veterans and noobs alike.

Friday, November 11, 2011

This year, on 11, November, 2011, billions of people will be able to wish the most epic and greatest wish in the history of mankind! This wish has only been trumped once by that of the November of 1111. It has been conjectured that at 11:11 on this day, the amount of energy that is released from all of the wishes will reverse the poles on the Earth's axis. Although communication, satellite GPS, radio communication, and your favorite episode of Jersey Shore may experience some turbulence, the change will not be permanent.

It is estimated that the reversal will last no longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage, so there is no need for alarm. Further reports of collateral damage will be accumulated as we experience this disaster that people seemingly worship and idolize. Warped Reality Headquarters is on it! In the mean time, lock yo doors, shut yo windows, and hid yo kids, 'cause it gettin' crazy tonight!

Stay tuned for more reports. And for those sorry people who missed it, we recommend finding another reason to live...