Okay, so you know when you’re at the store, right, and you see this game for a current gen console priced super cheap and you’re all “omg, dis gaem is so cheep, it prolly sux lololol.” Well I’m here to tell you to KNOCK IT OFF! This is my mission. I play the cheap games, so you don’t have to. I want you, in the future, to be all “omg, dis gaem is so cheep, it prolly sux lololol, but I will withhold judgement on this piece of software until I read what Scott over at Five Dollar Gamer says about it. Come along, let us retire to the computing room in my domicile, so that we may peruse the ramblings of a man who so cherishes the games in which we so foolishly ignore so that we may play *scoff* Call of Duty? I bellow a hearty guffaw at my foolhardy gaffe. An aberration like that will not happen again, thanks to Scott and Five Dollar Gamer!”

*checks word count*

Okay, a decent first paragraph.

Centipede Infestation is a re-imagining of the classic 1980s hit Centipede. You play as some guy who was an extra cut from an episode of Captain N: The Game Master. You rudely interrupt a young lady planting a garden by saving her life from the giant mutant bugs surrounding her. You and Miss “All The Bugs Are God’s Creatures What If They’re Attacking You Because You’re Shooting At Them” escape to the city to do God knows what because I skipped a lot of the cutscenes. Once I realized our hero wasn’t going to fart out a “Well excuuuuuuse me, Princess” in response to this chick’s sassyness, I stopped caring.

Get on his level.

But you don’t buy games on the cheap for award-winning scripts. You want surprisingly fun gameplay! Well… you get surprisingly competent gameplay, at least! The game plays similarly to another classic game, Smash T.V. Each level takes place in an enclosed environment as you mow down waves of insects, with each level culminating with a battle against the classic centipede boss. Your Y/X/B/A buttons serves as directions for your shot (hold two down to shoot diagonally). The circle pad moves the 80s dudebro (I think his name is something cliche, like Max). The touchscreen is used to activate power-ups you collect, like flamethrowers and machine guns. It’s nothing real ground breaking, but if you’re going to borrow ideas, at least do it right, which this game does, but not overwhelmingly. If I had to assign a letter grade to the effort used when applying these borrowed ideas, it’d be like a C+, B- tops. Basically me in high school.

Me in high school. (Photo altered in order to prevent someone from being a known associate of this asshole back in the day)

Verdict: BARGAIN BIN

I mean, it’s a decent game, but it’s not like it’s some hidden gem waiting to be discovered. The action gets a bit repetitive and the cutscenes try to capitalize on that ironic 80s cheesiness with the voice acting, but the bargain bin script holds it back from being tolerable. This was a game destined to be $2.99. I’m not saying AVOID AT ALL COSTS! But it’s not something I’d necessarily recommend. So the guy who was using all them big fancy words in the opening paragraph is no closer to finding out if this is a game he should play or not. He probably won’t. He doesn’t even have a 3DS because “it’s for children.” He’s a dick. Screw that guy.

OK, so I’m going to take a break from the norm of talking about old cheap games and talk real quick about the new 3DS XL. I had my original 3DS since launch day and it quickly became my favorite Nintendo handheld.

Sorry, toots. Found a new love. You’re old news.

When the 3DS XL was announced, I was skeptical at first. Nintendo had burned me before with an XL revision of their hardware. When I upgraded from the DS Lite to the DSi XL, I upgraded the day it was released. The very next day Nintendo announced the 3DS. I actually didn’t upgrade from the 3DS to the XL until about 3 days after it was released, but thankfully Nintendo didn’t announce like… the 4DS or the DS Phone or something.

Nintendo Phone, you are doing it wrong.

So yeah, the 3DS XL, it’s pretty amazing. Everyone is going to talk about the bigger screen and they should. It looks amazing. I first tried Pilotwings Resort on it and it looked pretty good. I still can’t play Pilotwings in 3D though. It’s too much side-to-side movement for me. I then tried Super Mario 3D Land. This was a game I liked playing in both 3D and not 3D on my old system. It looked just as good as before. But what really made me fall in love with this system was playing Mario Kart 7 on it. Mario Kart 7 was already my favorite 3DS release so far, but I didn’t like playing it in 3D. That changes with the XL. Mario Kart 7 looks stunning in 3D on the XL. It’s stunning to the point where I can’t play it without 3D on anymore. It’s that good. If you want to see the difference between the 3DS and 3DS XL play Mario Kart 7 on it. If you are showcasing the XL to someone, show them Mario Kart 7.

Don’t really have a caption for this… paragraph was getting kinda long… wanted to put a relevant picture to break it up… WAHOO! MARIO!

Another thing about the XL is the size in regards to pockets. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m a bigger guy with bigger pants and therefore bigger pockets, but the XL fits in my pocket just fine. In fact, I think it fits better because of its slimmer profile. It doesn’t bulge in your pocket as far. If you have the means, get one! Being the cheap-ass I am, I traded in my old 3DS and a bunch of games and scored mine for $35 out of pocket.