Counsel The accused then commented on Miss Thang's bodily structure, made several not-at-all legal remarks on the subject of fun and then placed his robes over his head and began to emit low moans.

Judge Have you anything to say in your defense?

Judge Kilbraken I haven't had any for weeks.

Judge Oh no? What about that little number you've got tucked away in Belsize Park?

Judge Kilbraken Oh, I never!

Judge Oh no. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Judge Kilbraken All right then what about 8a Woodford Square?

Judge You say anything about that and I'll do you for treason.

Counsel M'lud if we could continue ...

Judge Kilbraken He's got a Chinese bit there.

Judge No, that's contempt of court.

Judge Kilbraken It was only a joke.

Judge Contempt of court. However, I'm not going to punish you, because we're so short of judges at the moment, what with all of them emigrating to South Africa. I'm going tomorrow; I've got my ticket. Get out there and get some decent sentencing done. Ooh, England makes you sick. Best I can manage here is life imprisonment. It's hardly worth coming in in the morning. Now, South Africa? You've got your cat of nine tails, you've got four death sentences a week, you've got cheap drinks, slave labour and a booming stock market. I'm off, I tell you. Yes, I'm up to here with probation and bleeding psychiatric reports. That's it, I'm off. That's it. Right. But I'm going to have one final fling before I leave, so I sentence you to be burnt at the stake.