Vintage Vending #8: Small Parts A’Plenty!

This is a special video edition of Vintage Vending, because I am just so tired of writing.

…though I guess I should write a little, for the sake of Google hits from people searching for “fuzzy bear brooches” and “birds with tools for heads.”

This time, the prize assortment is completely random, and for the most part, yucky. There are some chasers in play, but it’s mostly as if someone raided a kitchen junk drawer and filled a vending machine with its contents. I can’t be the only guy with sea shells and two inch plastic dogs in his junk drawer.

When I was a kid, that Pepsi charm would have gone right in with the doll-sized food and dishes. Here, Barbie, have a 44-oz Pepsi. Thicken up them twig-like limbs.

Also I used to have tons of those tiny fuzzy bears, but I’ve never seen bunny-shaped ones before and– what is that, an elephant? I’m going to get one and pin it to my coat. If anyone asks, I’m gonna tell them it’s a brooch. Brooches are classy.

Next to the cheap rings, there’s…some kind of keychain thing. What the hell is that supposed to be? An alien head? A grasshopper face? Kamen Rider? I need to know.

Second Rider

I want the charm in the bottom left solely because it’s Kamen Rider V3.

And I want the green figure guy solely because he’s awesome. Way cooler than Mr. Stereo Equipment.

I love the sheer assortment here; just about anything but the sea shells would have made my siblings and me happy during our younger years. (When you live at the beach, getting a sea shell from a vending machine that you could get for free a couple of blocks down the street is the definition of “getting gypped.”) Like Annette, the Pepsi would have gone to our Barbies as food; Skipper and the baby My Little Ponies would have ended up with the flocked animal “brooches” as stuffed toys. We had an infinite collection of cheap rings that were used for doll treasure chests.

I would have jumped on the red tool-headed bird in a heart beat. First of all, red is my favorite color; I always went for the red characters or characters with red or orange hair. Second, he’s bigger and just cooler-looking.

Something you posted in the last post, Matt, was that you couldn’t pick a favorite Halloween. Does that mean you like them all? I have a feeling you’ve talked about this before, but I’ve seen a lot more talk from you about F13 and NOES than Halloween. The Halloween franchise is definitely my favorite!

Also, hi Bill.

Matt

@Super Jaclyn: I don’t know if I’d say I love all of them, but I can watch all of them and love most of them. Even the “bad” ones are great “mood films.” I don’t write about that franchise as often because I just haven’t lived-and-breathed it quite like F13, and to a lesser extent NOES.

Loneman1

Thank you Matt……that just made an otherwise boring-ass Sunday awesome over here.

Kobes

Goddamn that Pepsi charm. Now you’re taunting me with it as well. That’s evil brother…just evil.

The red colored bird has a bolt cutter for a head, not wrenches. Just saying. :p

And if we’re going to discuss the validity of horror franchises then Phantasm wins, hands down. The Tall Man would eat Freddy, Jason, and Myers for breakfast. Pinhead might give him a run for his money though.

That’s right, I do remember you saying that now. I agree that even the bad ones are good. Like the one with Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks.

I actually really hate the remakes by Rob Zombie though.

Ryan L.

As always, great video. Though, it was brief, it was very informative. As a Southerner, I have to admit that I enjoy enjoy hearing your Yankee pronounciation, like when you say “kwahtehs.”

Your “deer-in-the headlights” meter is getting higher. While I think that your background is in television (producer/creater,etc), I was wondering why you seem so uncomfortable in front of the camera? You appear awkward or you totally self deprecate yourself. You have this strong self-doubt about yourself.(You should try to relax and be yourself, as you are extremely knowledgeable!) I don’t mean to insult or criticize you, but you are an expert in what you talk about (according to your writings/websites). Having said that, I would still click to watch/hear you Youtube a video of you just reading from the phone-book.

Also worth noting is your childlike amazement/aweness (?) at seeing the tool-birds. Your adorkabiltiy is very endearing.

I didn’t mean to ramble or let my fanboyism (sp?)of you get in the way, but I truly enjoy coming to your website. Watching your videos and reading your articles not only keeps me laughing, but in an odd sense it makes me get an insight or rather live vicariously through a New Yorker who has everything. Everything you do or what your website represents brings a big smile/cheer to my otherwise boring,monotonous existence. As someone who sees you as a role model and idolizes you, I just thought that you represent what awesomeness/superstar means.

Back to lurking mode. . .

Goob

Bill Nowadays they have soda bottles/cans that are lip balm. And A&W/7up bottles that have jelly beans in them. I think at one point they had Nerds type candy in those. But things like that still exist so yay.

Everybody was talking about Sleepaway camp last night. Someone put all of them up on Youtube. And all the Toxic Avengers are up on Youtube as well. I watched Heathers this morning for the first time on Youtube. Definitely funny in some parts. And dated in a good way.

I have some Barbie foodstuff in with my Barbie things. I have the white styrofoam burger shells, coke cans, and a red fry container. And an exercise bike w/ legwarmers because every Barbie needs those lol. I wasn’t really into Barbies but always got them for Christmas. When my cousin was that age I played with her. And I would start fights with the other Barbies, hit on their spouses, cause all sorts of soap opera drama lol. I was being good once and she was the one that started it. I said I thought you wanted me to behave? She said it’s boring if you behave. Story of my life right there.

Joker

So happy when a new video is posted. This was awesome, good to hear Matt has as much fun making them as I do watching

JohnV

While watching the video I was thinking Matt’s eyes match the color his sweat shirt and that he looked a little stoned just as he said he smoked up for the video. 🙂

Phil G. – Nice find. The Tooly birds are true vending machine stars.

timetraveltome

I’m honestly enjoying the videos more than the articles lately. There’s usually a good line or two and something brilliantly awkward.

I want to visit the factory(factories) where these items are made and ask the laborers there if they feel their work is making a difference in the lives of others.

Then when they are done laughing, I will direct them to this video.

ZombieRot

Matt, What does this vending machine look like? can you take a picture of or link us to how these toys are vended? Did you collect these recently? Or are they something you have collected over time? Very curious about this!

Neg

So someone else already identified V3. Fantastic. Another Rider fan in the house.

Fug yeah~

I’m not sure if that’s completely accurate, anymore, considering I’m not one to dabble in Showa era, and I feel like the franchise has gone in the shitter. OOO is the worst tv show I’ve ever seen, they destroyed Fourze in the last couple episodes, Wizard is empty and horrible.

Kuuga through W, minus Kabuto. Golden times. Golden times.

mandy_Reeves

oh my god! this totally brought back an old joyful memory! My aunt at the time, her mom worked at a Roy Rogers, and someone gave her a load of vending machine toys, and she gave them to me and my brother! oh wow…it was like christmas on crack on crack! bendy animals, key chain wallets(the chaser toy I believe) sneaker key chains, duffle bag key change purses….oh maaan.

Those puzzle balls would have been GOLD for me. I remember I was at Caldor with my mom and grandmother once and grandma gave me a quarter (probably after much begging and pleading on my behalf) and I got my first puzzle ball. I took it apart and then had the WORST time ever putting it together…but then again, I was probably about six or seven, and those weren’t easy to work – but when I finally got it assembled, I felt the greatest sense of achievement that I have ever experienced. Probably even more so than graduating college or being on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? COMBINED.

Sorry if this was mentioned somewhere else and I didn’t see it but Roseanne’s freakin house is for sale. And under $130,000. We could totally start a fundraiser or kickstarter for dinodrac to buy it. I want Matt doing Vlogs with Roseann’s fireplace in the background. I want posts with pictures taken on Roseanne’s kitchen table. I want this site to end with Matt sitting in the basement explaining the whole site was fake.

And if that doesn’t happen then I at least pose this question, lest say the house next door is roughly the same and also for sale how low does the price need to be before you pick that one over “Rosseanne’s” house? For me its $60,000 and I have to pick the other one but $60,001 asking price I’m saying I’d rather pay more and have Roseanne’s house.