Why travelling with your partner ... isn't that bad

It takes a big man to admit he's wrong - and, well, I have been eating more.

See, about three years ago I posted this blog about travelling with your partner, which, I concluded in my own subtle but well-thought-out way, sucks. I trotted out the usual reasons - you have to compromise your plans, visit places you don't want to see, stay places you don't want to stay, meet fewer people, have less fun.

Now, I'm here to say that I might have been wrong.

Of course, I'm willing to admit that my original assertion may have been coloured by the fact that I didn't actually have a partner at the time, making it much easier to dislike the idea of travelling with one. That, and the previous partners I'd travelled with hadn't been much fun.

There'd been arguments, sulking (on my part), boring attractions to be dragged along to, and the knowledge that I was boring someone else at the things I wanted to do.

Many's been the relationship abruptly ended by a few weeks of travelling together. Maybe the secret is to find a partner who's as compatible with you on the road as they are at home.

In the intervening three years since that first blog, I've probably done half my travel with my partner and half my travel without, and you know what? The former is winning.

Probably the biggest fallacy I peddled out last time was this notion that you meet more people when you travel by yourself than in a couple. That might be true for some couples - there are definitely those who prefer to keep to themselves. They're called boring.

But when your partner's a party-loving gal who's constantly trying to bum cigarettes off random foreign strangers, you end up meeting far more people than you ever would have by yourself. I've met Russian soldiers, Chinese train conductors, Spanish metalheads, American exchange students and a charming couple called "Mr and Mrs Laolao", all through having a girlfriend who likes a drink and a chat.

Having a partner-in-crime on the road can also make day-to-day life a lot easier. It's the trivial things, I find. Having someone to lean against on plane flights or bus rides (or, more likely, having someone to lean against you). Having someone to leave your backpack with when you need to go to the toilet in a train station (ever tried to use a squat with a full backpack in the cubicle with you?).

Having someone to help with languages is a bonus, too. Trying to make yourself understood in other countries can be a blast, but it can get tiring, too - so it's nice to have someone to pass the "parlez vous Anglais" baton to every now and then.

And while it seems like you'll experience less of what you want to do when you travel with a partner, what with all that compromising you have to do, I've found you actually end up seeing, experiencing, eating and even drinking things you never would have if left to your own devices.

There's no way I would have gone for a 14-euro glass of wine at the Ritz if I was in Madrid by myself, but, having been persuaded by my girlfriend (who'd promised to shout), I got a relaxing slice of opulence in among the dive bars and cheap restaurants we were forced to frequent the rest of the time.

Similarly, you'd never splash out on a fancy meal or nice hotel room if you were travelling by yourself. What's the point? Cheap street food and a cold beer make the ultimate solo travellers' feast.

Bring someone else along, though, and it suddenly becomes worthwhile to lash out on the odd nice meal, or take a break from hostel life in a nice hotel. At worst, it'll rumble your budget, and condemn yourself to two-minute noodles for a week or so. At best, it'll give you an experience you'll never forget.

And a few free shots of laolao.

Do you like travelling with a partner? Or has it ended in disaster? Has travelling with a partner made you see things you normally wouldn't have?

Hope you're enjoying the Backpacker blog. There'll be a new one up on Fairfax Media websites every Wednesday. If you have any topic suggestions, or just want to send me some personal abuse/spam, you can drop in on my website here, or email me at bengroundwater@gmail.com. Happy travels!

LATEST COMMENTS

Taking your girlfriend back-packing with you O/S is like taking sand to the beach.

Posted by: John on March 3, 2010 11:02 AM

I always thought that travel with a partner will either make or break the relationship.

It broke the relationship in my case but only after i got free accomodation to ski in the usa for a month! yesssssssss!

Posted by: chelsea on March 3, 2010 11:02 AM

Having done one big trip solo, and one big trip with my gf of nearly 4 years (3 years, 11 months and 28 days) that I probably would never have gone on being solo - I can't wait to travel with her again, we make a really good team, each of us seem to figure out our logistical roles without stepping on eachothers toes too much, haggling witht the local street shops is much easier once you figure out your technique, and planning itinerary on the go is a lot quicker when you can bounce ideas off eachother.

It's also true what you say about the levels of sustainence and accommodation, traveling solo I would have restricted myself to homestays and dorm rooms, eating mostly from street vendors or the occasional meal with other backpackers, traveling with my gf has now opened the doors to private rooms and sit down dinners, and me being Mr McScrooge I'm happy with the bill being split 50/50.

Posted by: Rob on March 3, 2010 11:14 AM

I think you need to know your partner very very well to be able to travel with them overseas, you also need to past the whole lovey dovey stage as seeing your partner with projectile vomit or explosive diahorrea, have maggots bursting out of their skin after a bite by a fly in the UAE will definately kill a relationship which has not been well developed. In addition to this, there is nothing worse than seeing a newly 'coupled' couple on holiday, even worse if they are all over each other, just keep it for private ok! geez!
You also need someone who you have the utmost trust in and know they will trust you as there are many things you will encounter whilst travelling that you would never come across at home.

Posted by: wilrc1 on March 3, 2010 11:30 AM

I just got back from a three month overseas trip with my boyfriend. I'm essentially his female counterpart - so there was very little in the way of disagreement over what to do, where to go or where to eat and drink. Where our interests diverged, we were happy to experience something we wouldn't normally do. And if we wanted to do something separately for a day - well I trust him enough (and vice versa) to look after himself and not get into any trouble. It's an added bonus as a woman to have a bodyguard looking out for you in dodgier locales, and minding your drink or relieving you of your backpack when you have to use the loo. The boyfriend benefited from having a French speaker delivering him from all tasks that required anything beyond pointing and Franglais; someone who could read a map and use the internet.

I agree with wilrc1 though - be prepared to share everything with your partner. I had a 24 hour bout of food poisoning in Marseille which was unpleasant for both of us, and in Spain we stayed in accomodation where we had to bag our used toilet paper and put it out with the rubbish. As long as you are comfortable with your partner, trust him/her, and share and respect each others' interests, travelling together can be really awesome.

Some friends of mine just got back from Nepal, where they both had food poisoning at the same time. Made for some interesting fights for the bathroom, apparently. - Ben

Posted by: Rihana on March 3, 2010 11:58 AM

I've always travelled with my wife (been doing it since we got married 25 years ago) and could not imagine ever travelling without her. So there.

Posted by: Paul R on March 3, 2010 1:03 PM

I go travelling with my best mate. The fact that he's also my husband is just an added bonus.

Posted by: K on March 3, 2010 2:00 PM

My partner is the most amazing woman to travel with. We complement each other perfectly. She has no sense of direction (whereas I do), but she reads map brilliantly (whereas I don't). We both love art, but also love nothing more than finding a nice coffee shop to rest our weary feet. She speaks French, I speak German (neither handy in Italy). She laughs at my stupid jokes, and I laugh at her laugh. We both love sport, she loves walking everywhere (which has significantly reduced the size of my bottom), we'll both give different types of food a go, and we absolutely LOVE to shop. Best of all, I love her and couldn't imagine not sharing fantastic, boring, stupid, terrifying, memorable, cheap, expensive and chaotic experiences with her.

Posted by: Catherine on March 3, 2010 2:01 PM

I met my girlfriend while travelling, and in the 3 years we have been together we have been on the road for more than half that time. It has been incredible, although now there is the problem of whose country to live in... luckily it is an easy choice as she loves Melbourne.
After you've shared wet clothes and lung infections while being stranded in Romania, the real world is a breeze.

Posted by: dean on March 3, 2010 2:06 PM

Unless you are totally egocentric and impervious to the desires of others (in which case you have problems which won't be fixed by travel; there is no way your mind will be broadened), travelling with another person ALWAYS means you'll do/see/learn something you wouldn't have planned for yourself. Some will be good, some will be ordinary, some is "hmmm we'll learn from that experience".

I have variously travelled with my husband, with friends, and by myself. Companions can conjure up experiences I wouldn't have considered doing - sometimes these become the highlights of a holiday. I also like to have someone to think out the practicalities of whacky stuff I dream up - then we start negotiating. A couple of times it would have been a handy escape to be able to point out my husband or a friend to deter the circling gigolo (I'm no spring chicken - there must have been an ulterior motive) - instead I had exercise considerable assertiveness, which is a bit of a bother when it interrupts my karma. And, of course, as mentioned by others it is wonderful to have someone else to take care of details when you're under the weather.

Posted by: jojo on March 3, 2010 2:13 PM

If you can't travel with your partner, what are you doing with them in the first place?

Posted by: Robert on March 3, 2010 2:15 PM

Well I've been travelling with my wife for 19 years now and prior to that was by myself. Both have there benifits but its a matter of getting the travel bugs out of your system solo before enjoying the travelling with someone else. It always helps if that certain someone is your life partner or someone you love to be around. Now all the travel is with the kids as well, so rearing and training your children to be control themselves while travelling also helps make those holidays special.

Posted by: Frank on March 3, 2010 2:27 PM

Travelling with a partner will definitely separate the strong relationship from the weak. After travelling extensively with my ex I knew it wasn't going to work out.

Sure, travelling with a partner is about compromise, it does however have to go both ways. After seeing the back (I was relegated to the follower) of my ex for far too many days I decided enough was enough and we parted ways mid trip in Spain. Sure I got to experience sights and sounds I wouldn't have normally taken in, but I also missed out on allot of the culture that was exciting to me.

Definitely keen to give it another go however, just got to find Mrs Compatible

Posted by: nothere on March 3, 2010 2:55 PM

Depends where you go. There are places I've made a point of going to while single because they were places I'd always dreamed of going and stuff I wanted to do which was just personal to me. Especially if it's somewhere where you really want to get around everywhere on foot, or roughing it, or whatever, do it while single. If your partner is into it, you can always come back, but what if they aren't? Better to do it while that's not a problem!

By the same token, there are trips I wouldn't bother going on without a partner because half the fun is in sharing the experience, having two sets of eyes and two perspectives everywhere you go (not to mention those romantic sunset vistas are completely wasted on the single!).

Posted by: Raf on March 3, 2010 3:03 PM

You often see travelling couples first thing in the morning in a cafe having what looks to be the most serious conversation of their lives... the reason? Travelling together can also be tough!

Definitely requires compromise, but if this is seen as a bad thing I think the relationship is in for some rocky times anyway.

One thing to be careful of when travelling with your lover is not to breach the local standards of public intimacy. It might be as simple as an innocent peck on the cheek but it's particularly important if you don't want to get arrested getting up to mischief in the sand dunes somewhere...

Posted by: LHS on March 3, 2010 3:27 PM

Travelling with a partner if it is the "right" one is fantastic. I have been married to my travel partner now for 15 years and can't imagine packing to go travelling without him. I totally agree though that your relationship better be strong or it won't survive!

Having someone to look after you when you have an upset tummy in the middle of the Andes is so much better than suffering alone! He also discovered early on that my habit of talking to total strangers all over the place which is something that completely embarrasses him at home is a real asset when overseas.

Posted by: Jenny on March 3, 2010 3:32 PM

Travelling with a partner/friend is SO much better than travelling on your own. So many times during a trip, you want to exclaim about something exciting to someone, point something out, or share a wonderful place or fun moment with someone you know (let alone have a shoulder to cry on when things go wrong!). Someone who'll always have those memories with you, to laugh with in years to come over shared moments, is like reliving it all over again. It's just not as much fun travelling by yourself, and having no-one to share those special memories with, not only at the time, but for years afterwards too. And looking over the happy snaps - well, who wants to see your photos when they haven't been there themselves? It's like attending Mum & Dad's slide nights! It just doesn't hold the same thrall, and doesn't mean anything to people who weren't there.

Posted by: ess on March 3, 2010 3:54 PM

While I don't begrudge anyone travelling as a couple it's not the same as being by yourself. There's nothing quite like being in a foreign country with no support and having to truly survive on your own. There's something challenging about being by yourself that just isn't there when you travel with someone else, it's hard to describe unless you've experienced it.

Plus one of the best things about travelling as a single guy is you can meet girls from lots of different countries, sleep with them and move on, no commitment no problem.

Posted by: sam on March 3, 2010 4:12 PM

I've travelled with friends, with a boyfriend, and by myself. I agree that there are pros and cons, if it has to come down to that, for each situation. There's that remarkably empowering feeling of independence that you get from wandering into a bar by yourself in Kyoto, ordering a beer and planning the next 4 weeks of your trip, doing just what you want to do. There is nothing like that feeling. But say, after visiting the depressing sights of Hiroshima, having no one with you to lift you up, hug or just chat about what you've seen can make you feel undeniably lonely.

Having that someone to look after your backpack and sundry as you head to the loo in an airport - that's a big pro. Going out for a meal in Rio at night and having someone to help with the feeling more secure thing, and also to share the little things like your guide's eccentricities, and knowing that the two of you will always have those personal jokes - that's what makes a trip with a partner special.

For me, it's making the most of whichever way you experience it. End note: The romantic side of me, however, thinks there's nothing better than sharing a hostel bunk with the one you love.

Posted by: mere on March 3, 2010 5:26 PM

Travel with a mate or if you're a girl take another girl. You get all of the benefits and none of the responsibilities...

Posted by: John on March 3, 2010 6:19 PM

I have traveled twice with a partner and then once solo. Personally I found traveling solo a richer experience and meet a lot more interesting people. However I think it comes down to shared interests when traveling and, most importantly, equal compromise, so I wouldn't automatically rule out backpacking with a partner in the future.

Posted by: Alex on March 3, 2010 6:55 PM

My partner and I had been together for just over two years before we went traveling together. We then went on a year long overseas experience and it was fantastic. We got along great and learned more about ourselves, each other and experienced stuff we certainly wouldn't have if we had traveled solo. We're no longer together because, although our relationship held up strong through the excitement of travel, it couldn't hold up under the monotony of life back home.

Posted by: Geoff S on March 3, 2010 8:50 PM

travelling with your partner makes it hard to shag anyone else.

Posted by: knobby on March 3, 2010 9:18 PM

I've been with my partner for many years now. I adore traveling with her. It's only half the experience if she's not there to share it with me, if I can't share it with her.

The prospect of new adventures with her overseas in new places excites me, just makes me look forward to it more.

Posted by: Paul in UK on March 4, 2010 12:51 AM

Well at least travelling with a partner saves having to find someone for those times when you feel 'ahem' romantically inclined. Lots less money having to spend down the pub impressing them as well.

Posted by: Andrew on March 4, 2010 9:21 AM

My partner and I have been traveling together for six months so far and it's great! Naturally, compromises and arguments come up which you would avoid as a solo traveler but it's great being able to share everything you do with someone... I think as long as you know each other very, very well and you are willing to put up with each others crap, traveling together is much better.

Thanks for the good times so far D

Posted by: J on March 5, 2010 2:55 AM

I have been with my partner for 14 years. We tried traveling to "incompatible" destinations before, and it nearly ended up in divorce. That destination was Berlin, I hated being dragged to see the bombed out shells of buildings and depressing camps. My partner loved every minute of it. Nowadays, I just don't go if I don't like the destination.

Nonetheless, we both enjoyed Singapore and Bangkok. For the past 14 years, we have been going back to SIN and BKK every year staying at the SAME hotel in the SAME Room.

We travel seperately if neither of us like our holiday choice. But we made a point of enjoying tropical holiday in BKK/SIN at elast once a year together like reliving our honeymoon.

Posted by: Joe on March 10, 2010 3:02 PM

Having just travelled with the raddest person alive I can absolutely confirm that the adventure we had could never have been matched had it been just me going solo.

Posted by: Anna on March 10, 2010 5:10 PM

Was with my girl for a year. Went to Japan with her for a year. At the end she found some British guy and I was left alone.

Skip a few years later. Went out with an amazing French girl for about a year. We travelled to Africa together for about 7 months. In the last week she said I should keep travelling to Australia and she would stay in France.

I wonder if there is something fundamentally flawed with TravelAlex as opposed to AtHomeAlex