A Passionate and Determined Quest for Adequacy

"An adequate life . . . might be described as a life which has grasped intuitively the nature of all things, and has seen and refocused itself to this whole. An inadequate life is one that lacks this adjustment to the whole nature of things—hence its twisted perspective, its partiality, its confusion."
Douglas V. Steere, describing the life of Thomas R. Kelly, in A Testament of Devotion.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Quakers do not have Confirmation, but I think we should. For those who
are unfamiliar with the term, Confirmation is a process for young people
in the church to become a member of the church. In many denominations,
this occurs when the young people are between 12-14, though it can
happen earlier or later. After a series of classes, the church has a
special liturgy for the confirmands to make a statement of faith and the
church to welcome them. In some denominations, like the Holy Roman
Church, Confirmation is a sacrament.

Friends do not have any
outward sacraments, and I am not suggesting that we create a sacrament
of Confirmation. I think there are good reasons, however, to have a
Quaker version of a Confirmation class for our high school group in
Atlanta Friends Meeting, culminating in an invitation to become a member
of the meeting.

For Friends, membership is a way of establishing
mutual support and accountability between the individual and the
meeting---the Friend makes a commitment to be a part of this faith
community and support it spiritually, physically, and financially. In
return, the meeting recognizes that the individual is a part of this
spiritual community and the meeting is responsible to care for and
encourage the person in body and spirit. Membership is not required to
be involved in the life of the meeting, but there are certain positions
and committees on which one cannot serve unless one is a member.

In
Atlanta Friends Meeting, we have many teenagers who are part of the
meeting, but not many of them are members. As these teens graduate from
high school and begin thinking about college and finding jobs, they
will most likely move into a time of transition. This may result in
moving to another place and they may not find another meeting to join
for a decade or more. Having a class on what it means to be a member of
a Quaker meeting and encouraging them to become members of Atlanta
Friends Meeting is a way to provide support and accountability for these
young Friends during this time of transition.

Ideally, a Quaker Confirmation class would include the following:

An
overview of Quaker history, including the different branches of Friends
and the Testimonies (Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality,
and Service)

A discussion of what occurs during Quaker worship

A workshop on Faith and Practice and Quaker business process

Invitations to participate in business meeting and to sit in on a committee meeting

A panel on what it means to be a member and why one would consider membership

An explanation of the process for membership, with an invitation to apply for membership

Ultimately,
the process for membership for those in the Confirmation class would be
the same as for anyone else in the meeting, as set forth in SAYMA Faith and Practice, p. 34. The individual would write a letter to the
Ministry and Worship committee, indicating why they feel drawn
to the Religious Society of Friends. Ministry and Worship would then
set up a clearness committee to meet with the individual. Once the
committee is clear to recommend membership, it would report back to
Ministry and Worship, which then makes a recommendation to business
meeting. The business meeting would hold the recommendation over for
one month and, if all approved, welcome the individual into membership.

Some
caveats: First, I think we may need to call it something other than
Confirmation. When we discussed the idea of having a class like this in
our Ministry and Worship committee, there were some who came from
liturgical traditions and balked at the word Confirmation. Second, it
would have to be very clear that this is an invitation, and the
teenagers are not required to become members of the meeting. Third, if
the class is interested, it might be a good idea to have time for
visiting other kinds of faith communities, to give the class an
opportunity to see whether another path might be a better fit for them.

Regardless
of what the meeting decides to call it, I hope that Atlanta Friends
Meeting will consider some form of Quaker Confirmation. I recommend
holding the class at least once every four years for the high school
group, and preferably every other year, to give the teens two
opportunities to consider whether they want to become members. This is a
way for everyone in the meeting to engage in intergenerational
conversations of what membership means, and for the meeting to provide
support and accountability for the teens as they consider their next
phase of life.

[Written for my Practicum in Liturgy on Weddings, Funerals, and Confirmation.]

Sunday, January 31, 2016

My soul waits for the Lordmore than those who watch for the morning.Psalm 130:6

Looking
back over this year, it is helpful for me to separate it into three
seasons. In the spring, I finished my second year of Contextual
Education through Candler—eight hours a week of
being involved in the life of Atlanta Friends Meeting. My main focus
was on the meeting’s Gathered Meeting Retreat, which took place the last
weekend of March. The theme was “How Friends Worship.” I was glad to
have the opportunity to lead this retreat; it felt like a good use of my
gifts. I continued to facilitate monthly mid-week worship at Candler.
I also served on various committees at Atlanta Friends Meeting,
including the Worship and Ministry committee, an anchoring committee,
and clearness and wedding committees. I finished my time as the
chaplain of Sacred Worth (the LGBTQ Candler student group), and helped
organize the Sacred Worth week on Trans*forming Christianity, where we
celebrated the gifts of trans Christians.

Over the summer, I
worked for ten weeks as the pastoral intern of First Friends Meeting, an
FUM meeting in Greensboro, NC. I was able to experience many aspects
of pastoral ministry, including helping with four weddings, a memorial,
and two baby blessings. I also

preached in programmed worship, worked in
the office, went on pastoral visits, and organized Quaker Eights
groups. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed pastoral ministry, and
how it brings together my gifts of vocal ministry, pastoral care, and
administration. It was also wonderful to connect with Friends from
other meetings during my time in Greensboro.

In the fall, I
returned to Atlanta for my final year at Candler. Now that I have
finished my Contextual Education obligations in the meeting, this has
been a good time for me to discern what I feel called to do and what to
let go. I joined the Friends Journal Board of Trustees and traveled to
Philadelphia for my first board meeting. I took some interesting and
challenging classes, including Ecclesiology, which gave me an
opportunity to think about Friends’ practices and structures, and a
class on Religion, Sexuality, and Reproductive Health, which was
cross-listed with Emory’s school of public health. I experienced a lot
of changes in my life: I started a new relationship, had to leave my
apartment, and I got a car. The changes have been mostly very good, but
I am still adjusting.

Letting things go has continued to be a
good spiritual practice for me. I withdrew from a class this year for
the first time in my academic career, and I am not planning on taking
the second semester of Hebrew; instead, I plan to focus on my thesis.
My support network is

good: I meet monthly with a spiritual director
and am part of a spiritual nurture group that

meets twice a month. I
met regularly with members of my anchoring committee in the spring, but
have not been as consistent this past fall. I have found self-care
practices that work for me, including exercise, drawing and coloring
mandalas, and singing in choirs, and I have recently started playing
more board games.

Looking ahead, the biggest thing on the horizon
is graduation in May. I am actively seeking employment for after
graduation. In December, I spent a weekend interviewing and preaching
for a semi-programmed FUM meeting that is looking for a full-time
pastor. The search committee and I are in discernment, and I should
know more in January. I feel like my classes this semester are
preparing me for pastoral ministry: I am taking classes on Conflict
Transformation, Preaching, and a practica on Weddings, Funerals, and
Confirmation. I am trying to be open and embrace the new things ahead
in the coming year.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

[The message I gave in programmed worship on August 2, 2015 at First Friends Meeting. An audio recording of the message is available on the First Friends website.]

2 Samuel 12:1-13 (NRSV)

And the Lord sent Nathan to David. He came to
him, and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one
rich and the other poor. The rich man had very many flocks and herds;
but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had
bought. He brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children;
it used to eat of his meager fare, and drink from his cup, and lie in
his bosom, and it was like a daughter to him. Now there came a traveler
to the rich man, and he was loath to take one of his own flock or herd
to prepare for the wayfarer who had come to him, but he took the poor
man’s lamb, and prepared that for the guest who had come to him.” Then
David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man. He said to Nathan,
“As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die; he shall
restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had
no pity.”

Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the
Lord, the God of Israel: I anointed you king over Israel, and I rescued
you from the hand of Saul; I gave you your master’s house, and your
master’s wives into your bosom, and gave you the house of Israel and of
Judah; and if that had been too little, I would have added as much more.
Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his
sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have
taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of
the Ammonites. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your
house, for you have despised me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the
Hittite to be your wife. Thus says the Lord: I will raise up trouble
against you from within your own house; and I will take your wives
before your eyes, and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with
your wives in the sight of this very sun. For you did it secretly; but I
will do this thing before all Israel, and before the sun.” David said
to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan said to David, “Now
the Lord has put away your sin; you shall not die.”

This morning we are talking about a challenging topic: sin. A lot of
the time, Quakers do not like to talk about sin. We prefer to start
with the Light within: there is that of God in each of us, and if we
listen for that voice of God, we will hear. But sometimes that Light
within is what shows us the ways that we have strayed, the ways that we
have missed the mark. And there are a lot of people missing the mark in
this passage.

I also think it’s important to talk about
sin because, as one of my professors in seminary said, if we don’t have
a theology of sin, then we tend to locate sin outside of ourselves. We
see it in other people or other kinds of people rather than in
ourselves.

A lot of people know the story that came
before this one, the story of Bathsheba, but let’s talk about that first
so we have some context. It’s a hard story. David had become king of
Israel. He was the ruler with all the power, and he had wives,
property, and a house. One day as he looked out, he saw this woman
Bathsheba as she was bathing for a purification ritual, and he wanted
her. So he sent out his men to her and brought her to him. He knew she
was married to Uriah, but he did this anyway, and he slept with her.
Then when Bathsheba told David that she was pregnant, he first tried to
get her husband to come back to make it seem like the baby was his.
But when Uriah refused, David then arranged to have him killed in the
front line of battle.

So we go from that story to the
story of Nathan confronting David. This is the second time that we have
seen Nathan confront David: we saw that a few weeks ago when David
wanted to build a house for God and Nathan said no, David would not be
the one to build a house for God. And so Nathan comes again to David
and he tells him this story and gets David to be sympathetic. Then he
tells David, “You’re the one who did this.”

Often when I
hear sermons on this passage, they focus on that first part: on the
story and on David, and how Nathan kind of tricked David, and they ask
us to sympathize with David. But what struck me when I read this
passage again is that even though this is a story about Bathsheba, the
passage never says her name. The passage says she is the wife of Uriah.
It is not only Bathsheba who is treated as property in this passage,
but all of the wives are treated as property. As punishment for David’s
sin, Nathan says that his other wives will be taken before his eyes and
given to another and another person shall lie with his wives.

David wrote a Psalm after this story. Psalm 51:3-5 says,

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight,so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment.Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother conceived me.

In
this Psalm, David is saying that he sinned against God alone, but I
disagree! David sinned against Bathsheba and he sinned against Uriah.

I
have struggled with the idea of sin. I came from a denomination that
was much more focused on sin than Friends sometimes are, and there was a
lot about making everyone feel bad and guilty. I don’t think that’s
necessarily helpful. But I read a book recently that really helped me
rethink sin. The book is by Serene Jones and it is called Feminist Theory and Christian Theology. I am going to draw on some of Jones’
ideas on oppression and sin to approach this passage.

Bathsheba
lived in a patriarchal system. She lived in a system that did not
recognize her full humanity. In her book, Jones reminds us that there
is a tension between individual and personal sin and collective and
institutional sin. We see David’s individual sins here: murder and
rape. Those are sins that are easy to identify. But there is also a
sin here: both David and Nathan are within this patriarchal system.
Denying Bathsheba’s humanity is a sin and it is contrary to how God
wants the world to be. Jones says that we believe, as Christians, “that
the brokenness we experience is not right, that there must be another
way for us to live, a way that enables the flourishing of women and of
all people.” (93)

So David confesses his sin to God and
he is forgiven, but Bathsheba is still hurt. Bathsheba is powerless,
she is marginalized, and she is subject to sexual violence. These are
faces of oppression that we still see in lives of women today.

The
Psalm also says, “Indeed, I was born guilty, a sinner when my mother
conceived me.” That, to me, sounds like original sin, which is another
thing that I have really struggled with. And I think especially for
many women, sin talk has meant people telling them that they should be
ashamed of their bodies and ashamed of their sexuality.

That
is a way that this passage is often interpreted. I read a commentary
yesterday saying that Bathsheba was a righteous woman: there is no
indication that she was unfaithful to her husband. That was healing for
me to read, but it still kind of said that it was her fault. The
commentary said that she was doing this ritual washing at the wrong
time, and that was why David raped her.

I can’t believe that. I can’t believe that it was her fault.

This
book by Jones has been helpful for me because it takes some of the
traditional male approaches to theology and she re-maps them from the
perspective of women. A powerful example for me was contrasting how the
theologian Calvin saw sin (this is a kind of traditional version of
sin) with a woman’s experience. Calvin described sin as looking into a
mirror and seeing oneself, and the sin that one sees is pride. This is a
version of sin that really comes from the perspective of a man with a
lot of social power and a loud voice. But for many women, the sin is
not pride. Women are much more likely to have an incomplete sense of
self, and the sin is not being able to see one’s full self. So Jones
suggests instead an image of a mirror that is fragmented. That we are
looking into a mirror and not seeing our complete selves. That we are
looking into a mirror and not seeing the world as it should be, not the
way God intends it to be in its wholeness.

Jones also
re-maps the idea of original sin in a way that is helpful for me. She
says that we recognize that we are all born into systems of oppression.
I named some of those earlier in oppression of women: women are
oppressed by being powerless, by being marginalized, and being the
subject of sexual violence. We are all born into a world where that
happens. It’s not something that we can avoid. But we have the
opportunity to resist these systems of oppression as they come up in our
lives. As people make small comments or we see something that we know
is just not right, we can speak up against these systems of oppression.
Or we can perpetuate them. We are in them, regardless.

The
last time we talked about David and Nathan, I asked who we identify
with in these passages. And I ask that again: who do we identify with
when we hear this story? Do we identify with David, the ruler who has
lots of power and is recognizing his own individual sin? Do we identify
with Nathan, a prophet who is confronting David and is doing the right
thing, but is still complicit in this system of oppression of women? Do
we identify with Bathsheba, the person who has been sinned against but
is not named?

When have people sinned against us and
then made it all about them? When have we had to confront people in
authority about the ways they have perpetuated systems of oppression?
How do we do this within the relationships that we already have?

Last
week in Deborah’s message, we heard the passage in Ephesians 4:1 that
begins, “I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life
worthy of the calling to which you have been called . . .” How do we
walk worthy of our calling? How do we name uncomfortable truths? How
do we recognize these systems of oppression that we are in? It’s not
just oppression of women, but oppression of people of color, and people
with disabilities, and people with diverse sexual orientations. We may
be called to speak out against any one of these, or we may be called to
speak out where they intersect. How do we listen to what our calling
is?

As we enter into a time of open worship, I invite everyone to listen for
the voice of God. Listen to how God is calling us in these hard
places.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

[As part of my internship with First Friends Meeting, I am writing short reports to the monthly meeting for business. This is my report for the July business meeting.]

I am over halfway through my 10-week internship with First Friends
Meeting and I have been having a wonderful time! Everyone has been so
friendly—I feel right at home. In my first week, I had the opportunity
to travel with other Friends to the FUM Stoking the Fire conference in
Ohio. Since then, I have been able to experience many aspects of
pastoral ministry, including helping Deborah with three weddings, a
memorial, and two baby blessings, along with working in the office,
pastoral visits, and other forms of pastoral care. I have been working
on putting people in the First Friends community into Quaker Eights
groups, with the hope that these small groups will help foster community
and deepen relationships in the meeting. I enjoyed preaching at
Vespers for Friends Homes (West), and I look forward to preaching during
First Friends’ programmed worship. It has also been a joy for me to
join the choir. Thank you all for being so welcoming! I look forward
to getting to know you better as the summer progresses.

We
in the Quaker tradition generally don’t incorporate the outward
sacrament of confession and absolution into our worship service. But
sometimes I wish we did. Because I believe that we who are leaders in
our state denomination—North Carolina Yearly Meeting of Friends—we have
sin to confess. And it’s the sin of once again dividing up the body of
Christ.

If we did offer public confession, my prayer would be this:

Jesus,
during that last meal with your friends, you interceded for your
disciples and said: “I pray that all of them may be one, Father, just as
you are in me and I am in you.” (John 17:21)

Jesus prayed that
his followers may be one. Yet, like so many before us in so many
different Christian denominations, our state gathering is spiritually
divided. We are not one. We who preach peace are fighting among
ourselves.

Forgive us, O God.

Jesus, you said, “Whoever
does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and
mother.” (Matthew 12:50) And yet, in our brokenness we have taken it
upon ourselves to judge who is right, who is wrong, who is in, who is
out.

Forgive us, O God.Jesus you said, “This is my
commandment, that you Love one another, as I have loved you. You are my
friends if you do what I have commanded.” (John 15:12, 14)

Our
very name, The Religious Society of Friends, comes from that same
passage, this passage calling us to Love. And while I think Friends in
all of our meetings (churches) want to love one another, we have failed.
And instead, some have questioned other’s integrity and we have had
spats over theology. While I believe differing opinions are fine, in
our disagreements in our wider Quaker denominational gatherings, we have
often been unkind to one another. Hurtful words have been uttered. We
have not stayed centered in Christ’s love or centered in the Holy
Spirit.

Forgive us, O God, I pray.

Amen.

For
those of you who are visiting today or are relatively new to First
Friends Meeting, I promise that today’s sermon is a one-off. We don’t
normally focus on our denominational woes. And let me emphasize that the
divisions I am speaking about are not internal to First Friends
Meeting. So… please don’t let today’s message scare you away, okay?

Thankfully,
we at this meeting are not fighting over theology. We certainly have
our own failings and growing edges, but as a local congregation we are
not struggling over the issues that are dividing the wider state
denomination. And while I haven’t wanted to preach about this before
(there is not a lot of joy in it), I think it’s time to talk plainly
from the “pulpit” about these wider concerns that are taking place
beyond our local meeting in our wider North Carolina Quaker world.

I,
of course, can only speak this morning from my experience and my
perspective. I encourage you to talk with others, ask questions, read
the material that we will get out to you soon. Then please come to our
July 12 Monthly Meeting for Business, as we seek to hear God’s voice
among us in order that our First Friends representative can then speak
clearly on our behalf to the wider Quaker body on August 1.

Many
of you have heard rumblings that our state denomination is in trouble.
And you have asked, “What the heck is going on? What are we arguing
about? What is dividing the sixty plus Quaker meetings (or churches)
that we’ve been connected to for over a hundred years?”

Well… it’s complicated. Of course. But here’s my best understanding on what we are struggling with:

The
first issue in our Yearly Meeting is that, among the 60 different
churches, we have differing views of Scripture. Many of our beloved
siblings in Christ understand scripture to be their primary authority.
First and foremost, their source of spiritual authority is the Bible.
While we at First Friends love scripture, we also believe (much as early
Friends taught) that the Bible is merely words unless the Holy Spirit
brings our reading of scripture to life.

As we read scripture, we
seek to understand it through the lens of Jesus who said that the
greatest commandment is to love God and love our neighbor. So we try to
read and interpret scripture in that spirit.

Which means, for
instance, that even though there are parts of the bible that say women
should be silent in the church, we affirm that God can speak equally to
all people. It means that although war was understood in King David’s
day to be God-led and even spirit-inspired, we choose to say war should
never be the answer.

And getting to one of the current major
dividing points: while Jesus didn’t speak to the issue of same-sex
marriage, it is our understanding that scripture, properly interpreted,
affirms covenantal relationships. And so yes, we will affirm and marry a
same-sex couple that is choosing to make the huge and prayerful
commitment that marriage asks of anyone.

(And, since same-sex
marriage is a huge topic, if my words surprise you, please feel free to
call me and we can talk about it further.)

So, the first point is that people within our state denomination are divided over scripture and its authority.

A second issue is the question: Who is saved? And how are we saved?

Many
of our fellow Quakers believe that the only way to God is through a
personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that it is through the
sacrificial blood of Christ that our sins are forgiven and one receives
salvation.

Now here at First Friends, we will respond to that
question of salvation in a variety of ways. But, in general, we would
affirm that it is not ours to judge who is in and who is out. Early
Friends preached about the universal saving Light of Christ. About how
people who are living out a deep and genuinely loving faith that results
in loving their neighbor—those people with such a faith—are
encountering the Living Christ even if they don’t know the name of
Jesus.

So, there are genuine differences in how we view
salvation, and those differences have become a great concern for some in
our Yearly Meeting.

In my experience, those are the two main theological concerns.

Of
course, the underlying question is: Why can’t we all just live with the
differences? Why do we need to agree on our view of Scripture or
salvation? After all, we in NCYM have lived with theological diversity
for years … why can’t we continue to do so?

I wish we could. I
personally think we could. I believe First Friends is made richer for
being in association with others who think and believe differently. I
like the diversity. I need the wideness of thought, prayer, and belief.

However,
not everyone in our Yearly Meeting is comfortable with that range of
beliefs. And I respect their reason for wanting to disassociate with us
and those who believe differently. It comes down to what the Apostle
Paul called being “unequally yoked.”

The Apostle Paul wrote that
we should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Many of our beloved
Friends feel their association with those who believe differently
regarding salvation and the Bible (and same-sex marriage) qualifies as
being unequally yoked. And this is a sincere belief. My more
theologically conservative friends are not trying to be mean or
judgmental, they are simply stating what they understand to be true and
wanting to be faithful to their beliefs.

As one of my
friends from the other end of the theological spectrum said to me, “How
can we preach Jesus and his sacrifice on the cross as the only way to
salvation when you across town teach something else? Our association
dilutes the clear message of salvation in Christ.” And again, he said
that not with a mean spirit, not even critically, but in care and with
sincerity.

For our more theologically conservative Friends, our
diversity of belief is a genuine stumbling block. And I get it. So let
me emphasize: this is not light versus darkness or good guys versus bad
guys, etc. For the most part, these are our fellow Quakers who like us
and even love us, but simply feel like they can not continue to remain
yoked with us.

Which brings me back to my first words: May God
forgive us. For I believe that somewhere along the way, we all haven’t
maintained the relationships that could have seen us through these
theological differences.

And so our state denomination is at a
standstill. Our body of representatives will gather on August 1 and
possibly make a decision to separate in some manner. Or maybe some other
GREAT wisdom will arise allowing us to health-fully, authentically
remain as one body.

What I do know is that it is time to stop
our theological spats. Because the world needs all of us, conservatives
and progressive alike, to do the work of Jesus, who called us to feed
the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the orphans, and work for justice.
And friends, I am hopeful because we worship a God who forgives our
brokenness, wipes away our sin, and calls us into new life together.

So,
let us pray for wisdom. Whether we stay together as a denomination or
not, let us prayerfully determine in the wider body to at least love one
another. For they will know we are Christians by our love, by our
love. And they know we are Christians by our love.

About Me

I am a recorded Quaker minister and a lawyer, originally from Anchorage and currently living in Atlanta. I share an apartment with two orange cats. I am a member of Freedom Friends Church and a sojourning member of Atlanta Friends Meeting. I am also a graduate of the School of the Spirit Ministry's program On Being a Spiritual Nurturer, class of 2011, working toward an M.Div. at Candler School of Theology. In addition to reading and writing, I enjoy a good laugh, running, yoga, knitting, and singing.