So, it’s been years since I’ve written regularly at Alison’s List. I know that. Which means I really can’t promise anything now. But but BUT . . . with all I’ve learned and all the ways I’ve healed during those years, I sure hope to show up here again with some frequency. Gosh I’d like to write about what we’ve been up to and were we’re headed! For now, though, I’ll honor the purpose of this website and jump right into the practical: What’s been working for me?

If I could pick only one tool from the past 18 months, hands down I’d say EMDR. That stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Have you heard of it? It’s a trauma therapy. Now wait a sec–don’t tune out yet if you think you don’t have trauma. It’s for all kinds of “stuck” things in your life, not just what you might think of as TRAUMA. Consider wounds or disappointments from your past that make you cry if you really let yourself think about them. Or maybe the things you wish you could cry about and finally let go. Or perhaps the ones you can’t bear to think about at all–and so you shut down instead. These are things EMDR can help with.

Some of what I’ve worked on using EMDR with my therapist:

Depression and dread when getting into bed every night

Emotional distress related to my chronic illness

Emotional pain of watching my children suffer

Sexual and emotional abuse

My therapist selected my nightly misery to work on first. Unlike in traditional talk therapy, we didn’t talk for weeks about this misery and all its possible causes. Instead, we spent a few minutes exploring it together, and then I kept an eye on it for a week and reported back. Then we did a 90 minute EMDR session.

Done.

At first it seemed like a miracle to get into bed and feel . . . peaceful?! Almost like living on another planet. I’d spent years and years, maybe decades, dreading bedtime because of the inevitable depression and despair I’d feel as soon as I climbed into bed.

Almost eighteen months later, I still haven’t relapsed. Not once have I felt that tangible whole-body dread in bed. Simply amazing.

I’m guessing my therapist picked that issue because she knew it would give me confidence in EMDR — besides making an immediate and substantial contribution to my quality of life. And I’m grateful, because things got gnarly in a hurry. After that we started working on the much deeper, bigger issues like chronic illness, my children’s suffering, and my history of emotional and sexual abuse. Oy.

I won’t lie. It was intense. Really intense sometimes. And yet whenever I felt like it was too much, my therapist was able to take a different tack. And I saw results. I wasn’t tackling an entire issue in a single session, but my world was shifting noticeably session by session. I’d already experienced profound emotional healing in some of these areas, thanks to years of excellent talk therapy and especially energy work, but EMDR helped peel off the next layer of the onion. Relatively speaking, it was fast too. Compared to conventional talk therapy, it was lightning speed.

Even my body seemed to respond. I could literally feel the load lifting. Following some very low lows last spring, my health started gaining traction. By the end of the year I’d made some astonishing leaps forward. I absolutely think my physical healing was related to the EMDR work. How I wish I’d had this tool back when I was suffering from excruciating pelvic floor pain!

Well, that’s all for tonight. I’m committed to early bed times, but I’ll try to be back soon with more info about my experience with EMDR. For now I can recommend EMDR Institute’s website here.

Yesterday the miraculous happened: makeup, childcare, and my energy level all aligned, and I took the opportunity to create new tapping videos! About a week after I created the old one, I knew I could do better. Well, I finally have. While not any more comfortable on camera, I am at least more useful this go around.

(Aside: If you’re wondering what on earth this “tapping” thing is, check out my tapping article for a thorough explanation and instructions. But the short version is that it’s an acupressure technique for relieving anxiety, releasing trauma, and processing strong emotions. )

Here’s what I’ve got for you today:

3 Minute Hand Position/Acupressure Points Video

This is a quick way to get a visual for the first time or refresh your memory. You can use it along with the written instructions here.

13 Minute Tap-along-with-Me Video

If you’re new to tapping or feeling particularly distressed, just start the video and tap along with me, step-by-step. You don’t have to do this alone! All you need first is a glass of water and your clearing statement (instructions on this page).

Even though I still feel afraid of publishing videos like these online, two years’ growth has grown my courage. I know more than ever that tapping works, and I’ve gained confidence talking about it even in skeptical and Christian circles. Why not offer a tool that’s yielded only good fruit in my life? More and more I’m aware of the profound suffering around me and within. I hope these videos can be a small drop in the bucket.

On the fence? Wondering what you might tap about? Besides the ideas in my tapping post, here are a few situations I’ve tapped about recently:

Recording videos and putting them on the Internet (!)

My 3yo angrily refusing the food I cook

An email from my nutritionist saying that what I’m doing isn’t enough

Simply processing the day’s emotional ups and downs

Judging myself for feeling rage and hate. Good Christian girls don’t feel like that, do they?

My body looking different after babies/not living up to how I should look

Feeling weak and sick

Annoyed with my husband for _______

Whew. That’s probably more than enough self-disclosure for one day. Care to share what you tap about — or might try tapping about?

I’ve been quietly enjoying Thrive Market for a few months, but when a box arrived recently while friends were around and several expressed interest in the company, I realized what a fabulous resource this is for anyone wanting to eat, cook, and snack healthier and more affordably.

Especially if you’re busy.

Or have stringent dietary requirements.

Or are short on space or mouths to feed.

Or you live in a small city or town.

So what is it? If you haven’t already heard the hype, here’s the scoop: Thrive Market is an online company that’s a mashup of Whole Foods goodies, Costco prices, and Amazon convenience — with eco-consciousness and superb website design as the cherry on top.

My heart sank. I’d dreaded those words for years. GAPS. Really? Are you sure?

A Little Background

To recap in case you’re new here, my 3 year old Arthur suffered with typical modern health problems from day one. First reflux, colic, and unusually poor sleep; then eczema, an agitated nervous system, cranky temperament, and constipation appeared. All this despite a nutrient-dense real food diet, nontoxic products, and years of working holistically on my health, plus exclusive breastfeeding and no antibiotics for him ever, blah blah blah.

As my husband said yesterday morning, What does it take? It was–and still is–painful to discover that doing it all “right” doesn’t come with a guarantee.

Well, hello there.

I’m still here, doing life in Farmington, New Mexico. But–oh my–how life has changed in a year’s time!

There’s the new baby, of course. Shouldn’t that count as 10 major life events? I’ve been soaking it up and crying it out and praying and rejoicing and being t.i.r.e.d. Truth? It’s all been worth it, but the fog has been thick and long. Apparently me + new baby = disappearing for a year.

Meanwhile we sailed the sea of major work and social changes. We continued pursuing our personal growth, which has taken some unexpected directions. And oh yes, I almost forgot, we’ve had some health challenges. The health stuff again! Sometimes I’m just sick to death of thinking/doing/searching/living/writing health.

But . . . it’s real. This is our path, and friends have asked me to share more of our story and experiments and resources. Which means I’m returning to Alison’s List to write and update. So stay tuned for resources! And food! And GAPS! And Functional Medicine experiments! And baby and postpartum stuff! You get the idea.

To help me ease into this little love/hate affair, I want to start with a family update. Indulge me? [Read more…]