Am I fucked up for having this fantasy?

I have a reoccuring fantasy of being beaten by a man, be it a boyfriend or husband, until I'm bleeding and senseless with bruises all over me. With him using objects like a bat or crowbar, slamming my face into the wall or countertop, punching me directly in the face, strangling me with electrical cord, kicking me, slamming the butt of a bar into my crotch, etc.

And topping it all off, having my dad witness it without being able to do a damn thing about it.

Can you guess why this is?

Updates:

It's because my dad would hit me growing up, but said my husband is forbidden to lay a hand on me. I hate his hypocrisy.