12/19/2008

Like most people, I have certain people in my life who I trust. This includes friends and relatives. People that you can trust and respect. I have just a few people that I can count on one hand with whom I completely trust. It is not easy for me to trust a person. It is a long time before I can say I trust this guy or this gal or whatever. Once I lose that person's trust, there is no way I will ever trust that person again. Not ever. I've been disappointed by too many people in my life to just easily trust anyone. I always laugh whenever I go to a car dealer and the guy says, "Don't you trust me? or you can trust me!" Yeah, right. I just met you and I'm supposed to trust you. It doesn't work that way in the real world.

Someone that I trusted completely betrayed that trust Thursday. I was so stunned to discover she had lied to me, stabbed me in the back and laughed about me to others. It was like someone just took a tub of ice cold water and threw it in my face. It was that shocking. I admit, it hurts too. In fact, this would have been the last person I would have expected to see this kind of immature behavior. I sit here, typing this on Thursday night and wonder what the hell comes over people to want to intentionally hurt the feelings of another human being. What kind of perverse pleasure does someone get out of that? I just don't understand it. I'm 57 years old. I've endured many types of pain, both physical and mental. I have had many disappointments in life. I've been battered and bruised by my travels down this road we call life. But, I can honestly tell you that when someone you care about deeply hurts you, it hurts just as bad as if you were a young teen getting started in the dating world and you got rejected by your crush. No, she wasn't a girlfriend. But, I thought she was a dear friend. Someone you thought you could share your inner most feelings to. Someone that I thought loved me as a friend. Now, that friendship that I thought we BOTH valued, is gone forever.

I've had a couple of people tell me Thursday tonight to just look upon it as another lesson in life and move on. And I will do just that. But, it's so very difficult to turn the page on this chapter in my life. It is turning the chapter on someone whose company I enjoyed. Someone whose friendship I had greatly valued. It will take a few days to get over this kind of hurt. But, what it will do to me now is that I will be even more cautious in the future of those people who I probably can trust. In the long run, that's probably going to be the best tact to take.

3
comments:

It's very hurtful when someone you are close to betrays a trust especially talking hurtfully about you to other people. It's so easy to say learn a lesson and move on but much harder to do.It does make it difficult to trust again and we should not trust lightly but at some point to find what we are seeking, we have to take a risk.I'm sorry you were hurt by a dear friend. I can only imagine how betrayed you must feel at the moment.

It's very unfortunate that you feel betrayed by a friend whom you had trusted. I'm 61 and can count on one hand the number of "close" friends because, like you, I don't open up very easily with people. In many ways this is a good attitude to have, but it also means that you miss out on a lot of opportunities. It's like that old saying "better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved." Sure, people will betray a confidence, hurt your feelings, but in the long run having these people to share your life with, to be able to open up with far outweighs the downside because at the time you are sharing with another person it makes you feel good and satisfied and in the long run that's what it's all about. It's doing what is best for you "at the moment."

MW and robin, I appreciate your thoughts. It hurts...I won't deny that. At the same time, I realize that I have friends who are as horrified by her behavior as I am. Ultimately, it is she who will pay the price for her betrayal. Thanks for the comments from you both.

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About Me

I've been all over the world, albeit many years ago as a young sailor in the U.S. Navy. Divorced, been a blogger for 7 years now.. I sometimes do a little computer maintenance on the side to make myself some extra money since my retirement from the federal work force. I'm now exploring the "writer" in me that wanted to come out when I graduated from high school. Alas, there was this war in Southeast Asia and...in any case, I have published a novel in ebook format entitled "Diary: Alone on Earth." It is available HERE.