"Ever since I saw this man in A Streetcar Named Desire back when I was five," Trump said, "I always said to myself, 'I would love to do business with my all-time favorite actor, Academy Award winner Karl Malden."

"This guy can play in anything," says Trump, "One of cinema's most crowned jewels. The guy's 97, so I thought he might as well play Death before he succumbs to it. Then again, nobody can die until a Grim Reaper is chosen."

Malden says he had "never even heard of this Trump guy" when approached wth the job offer, "but he pays big. He pays more than SAG [Screen Actor's Guild] ever will."

Trump admits that he "did have a lot of favorites. I considered Sumner Redstone for a while, but thought he had enough money. Next, I tried in vain to contact OJ, but he's in jail. I was in a bind, I was pressed for time, so finally, I said to myself, 'This may be my last chance to work with Karl Malden while he's still alive.' And here we are today."

Malden will be payed $60,000 a year to take souls. "Sure beats that Sting IIhorseshit by a longshot!" he jokes. He takes office Monday.