Shaun Dellenty2015-03-03T15:31:41-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=shaun-dellentyCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Shaun DellentyGood old fashioned elbow grease.LGBT Schools and the Failure of our Education System to Support LGBT Youthtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2015:/theblog//3.64955642015-01-18T07:01:49-05:002015-01-21T05:59:01-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
As is fairly well documented, I walked out of sixth form in complete disillusionment with the British education system. Years of experiencing homophobic attitudes from some of my peers and teachers, compounded by negative messages from my parents, the media, some politicians and some people of faith led me to a critical juncture in which I retreated home, having researched methods of suicide and turned on the bath taps accompanied only by a Martini bottle and rusty razor blade.

The decision I made that day in 1987, to pull back from the abyss, allowed me ten years later to return to adult learning and subsequently resulted in my role as a school leader with an equalities remit. How appalled then was I to discover in 2009, that 75% of our own South London pupils were experiencing on a daily basis, the same kinds of homophobic bullying and language that had nearly snatched away my own life.

Having devised the award-winning teacher training strategy www.inclusionforall.co.uk that empowered our school (and now many others) to get on top of this problem by shifting school culture and ethos to a preventative state, I was then equally appalled to find myself present at a 2012 Stonewall briefing only to hear that their School Report survey had found 'more than 55% of LGB pupils have experienced direct bullying and almost all had heard the 'use of the word gay as a negative' (as in 'that's so gay'). Then just last year I was invited to a briefing by the LGBT support charity Metro, who had surveyed 7,000 16-24 year olds across the UK about their experiences, with results showing 52% of young LGBT people reported self-harming and 44% considered suicide. I regularly deliver these damning statistics around the country as part of my "Inclusion For All" teacher training conferences and workshops and in school assemblies, not one training session or lecture passes when my heart doesn't break a little when I read them out.

Despite the well- meaning hard working individuals and organisations, from available data (and from working with many schools, teacher training organisations and young people over the last five years) it is very clear to me we still have a major problem in our schools that is endangering the lives of the many of the brilliant unique human souls we supposedly come into education to support, protect and nurture. Statistics like this in 2015, in fact in any year, are a national disgrace. Schools have a statutory duty to protect young people from ALL forms of bullying including homophobic, biphobic and transphobic , yet it is clear that this is still not the case in many schools who have been starved of clear strategic direction and dedicated training.

Is it any real surprise then that an inspiring, dedicated group such as LGBT Youth West would see an urgent need to protect significantly at risk young LGBT people and create a dedicated safe space? The formation of an LGBT school in the UK (if that is actually what is intended, LGBT Youth West claim not to have actual school plans developed currently) was surely only a matter of time. Where such a critical vacuum exists (and by this I mean young LGBT people at risk of suicide, self-harm and the loss of the right to an education) of course dedicated individuals and groups will step in and fill the void to ensure young people are safe and fully included and I applaud them.

Most vitally we need to prevent the void from presenting itself in the first place, however with decades of inaction from successive governments, generations of unprepared teachers and the pernicious legislation that was Section 28, we have a hell of a lot of catching up to do to make all schools safe places for all our children, including the LGBT ones, the questioning, the intersex and every other precious individual that files through our doors.

Whether we choose to be a classroom assistant, a teacher, a head teacher, a school governor or an education secretary the bottom line is surely this; either support and make safe ALL young people in our schools or find an alternative career. Safety and inclusion in our schools should never be a privilege for the pupils that are palatable to us; they are a right for all young people, not just those who might fit in nicely with our personal, political or theological beliefs.

Despite the great work being done by anti-LGBT bullying organisations across the country, we will never fully create safe spaces in our schools until our government commits to statutory components and funding for all initial and subsequent teacher training on preventing prejudice towards not just LGBT people, but all those perceived to be difference. I am pleased that funds have recently been set aside for groups challenging homophobia in schools, but to be sustainable and rigorous in ridding our schools of the scourge of prejudice we must rethink education policy on a national scale.

Teaching and learning from the outset of education about the causes and potential for prejudice in human beings (particularly in the dangerous world of the 2st century) should be seen as an educational priority, a life skill and an investment for all our futures. There exists the unpalatable reality that we have some school leaders, staff and governing bodies, and sadly yes some people of faith in schools who still harbour prejudice towards LGBT people; until we take a long hard look an education system that currently leaves many young people and teachers deeply unsupported in working through issues of difference, the abyss into which young LGBT people can fall will remain. I have recently been working with Amnesty International on a new LGBT Teaching Resource for schools which we hope will start many more schools on this vital journey.

With the Equality Act 2010 providing statutory expectations upon schools to protect its LGBT pupils and OFSTED being openly critical of schools (including faith schools) failing to undertake anti-LGBT bullying work, the climate should, in theory exist to take great strides forwards in our schools; sadly this climate is offset by larger limiting factors of a huge historical and on-going training deficit, heads and governing bodies that are complacent (or in some cases prejudicial) and an on-going focus upon the raising of educational standards as a political football. Let's be clear here Education Secretaries, young LGBT people being driven out of their schools will do nothing to raise much vaunted educational standards, but more vitally as educators we are letting these brilliant young souls down. How many young LGBT people whose names we will never know have we lost over the years due to an education system that has failed them?

I applaud LGBT Youth West for wanting to reach out and help these young people, to provide the potentially life-saving safe space our education system has failed to provide; yet we must rigorously strive to affect fundamental and lasting change to the education system, not just at the very top with ministers but also in our teacher training programmes and schools from the very onset of nursery provision to ensure that the aim of full inclusion, not segregation can be realised.

This is the message I gave at Amnesty International this weekend and the same message I will deliver at the London Festival of Education and Houses of Parliament in February. All schools should be safe spaces for all pupils; there must be no compromise when lives are at stake.
It is also vital to stress at this time that there is amazing work going on in schools and faith schools up and down the country right now to try and make things better for LGBT pupils; we don't shout loudly enough about this and I strongly urge OFSTED to undertake a good practice study of anti-LGBT bullying work being undertaken in faith schools to help boost confidence and build some bridges. Since my own Inclusion For All work was recommended by the Church of England, it has been a huge joy to me to help ease faith school staff onto a journey that will ultimately save lives.

Aim for inclusion not segregation, acceptance not tolerance and be warm in praise of those who spot young people at risk and hold out a hand to help, we absolutely need more of that in the world about now. If our education system had not systematically failed generations of LGBT young people, the issue of segregation might not have arisen in the first place.

Cause and effect; people can be so quick to criticise the latter, without taking responsibility for the former, we all must play our part in affecting change for LGBT children from the moment they appear on this Earth, or else for many it may already be a case of game over.]]>Homophobic Bullying and the Responsibilities of Children's Televisiontag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.61718822014-11-17T11:41:49-05:002015-01-17T05:59:01-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
By 1972 I already knew I was different; by different I mean gay (if you are wondering how I knew then just ask it back to yourself-how did you know who you were?)

What I lacked was the vocabulary, the words 'gay' or 'homosexual,' but I knew that I liked men, (especially those with beards) and that sometimes on the television people used a specific word 'queer' which I knew instinctively had something to do with me.

I noticed these 'queers' when they appeared on the TV shows that my parents watched; they tended to be sad, or were figures of extreme mockery. They would be very camp and often their stories ended in tears, murder, suicide or imprisonment. My reactions to some of Dick Emery's characters, John Inman and John Hurt as Quentin Crisp were confused; on one hand I could feel a part of myself projecting from the flickering black and white screen onto my face, whilst on the other, I could sense a shameful future I must reject. These stereotypes made me try pro-actively to change the way I spoke, walked and sat as child; such was my fear of rejection.

Children's TV though was a safe haven, here I could mostly forget the dark clouds amassing over my identity. BBC's The Changes, Blue Peter and Grange Hill all spoke to me, often giving me an insight into other forms of prejudice (The Changes) making me see that others were worse off than me (Blue Peter) and leading me to an awkward attempt to reach out to a teacher (Grange Hill.)

Although seemingly insignificant, these moments I still carry within me as I approach the age of 50. Occasionally on children's TV I felt kinship with a character not presented stereotypically or as a victim, as the actor's aura itself was enough to assure me that onscreen was someone like me (the late Michael Staniforth in Rentaghost being a prime example).

How I longed to see another TV character sharing my journey of fancying boys, or friend's Dads, or male film and pop stars. Just to see the forward thinking positive representation of Sikhs attempted in 'The Changes' on an LGBT level would have meant the world to me in terms of making me feel valued, included and worthwhile. Full, authentic inclusion undoubtedly leads to better outcomes and less bullying, thus enabling young people to take pride in their identity from the outset. Greater clarity and belief in young people's sense of self may make them feel less inclined to adopt the identities of less positive role models or youth movements.

Ultimately my role model would become Dr Who, his qualities as an outsider and his (then) lack of interest in girls was the closest thing I could find to a role model. Around me I was hearing negative comments about gay people from my parents, friends, teachers, friend's parents, some politicians on TV and some people of faith. Newspapers were even worse, linking gays to blackmail, paedophilia, disease and abuse.

At times this tide of negativity threatened to consume me, resulting in self-harm and suicidal thoughts; yet I often returned to the comforting haven of children's TV for solace, despite the fact that I did not see myself reflected in the programming or hear messages that made me feel less alien and inhuman. In school I saw no images, books or role models which said that I deserved my place on earth. I was presented with an immersive heterosexual world view and yet despite this, my gay identity stayed with me into the present.

Things and people change and in 2014 I am happy to laugh along with camp comedians. It also brings me great joy to see a range of role models being taken into schools, to see books and posters representing a diverse range of family groups (we counted 35 types of family groups in just one school recently). To be successful children must feel welcome, represented and included. Openly LGBT staff, books about LGBT role models and images featuring same sex parents are all vital to ensure the young LGBT pupils in our schools feel validated and human; straight children and parents also get to know us as authentic people as a result.

Children's TV too has come on a journey, with the addition of channels of children's programming and shows such as The Sarah Jane Adventures refusing to talk down to children. Still missing is regular, usualised (to use Sue Sanders word) portrayals of LGBT pupils, parents and role models who are happy, successful and kind human beings- just going about their lives. Such portrayals send a vital life-changing message to the emergent young LGBT souls out there.

CBBC have two programmes of note scheduled; one called 'My Life-I am Leo' concerning a transgender child airs on Monday November 17th This is highly positive step forward and I hope that schools will use the resulting discussion strategically. Transgender teaching and learning has an awful long way to go.

On Wednesday 19th November my own Inclusion For All anti-homophobia work features as part of CBBC's 'Our School.' I was invited by Two-Four productions to tell my story in a filmed Year 7 assembly, lead staff training and write follow up lessons on the word 'gay' as a negative. This airs at 17:55.

Having been on my journey, I can't begin to describe how hopeful I felt standing in front of several hundred young people and three television cameras at Conyers School in Yarms knowing these messages would be beamed out at tea-time on children's TV. This surely shows a growing yet long overdue confidence in children's programmers in terms of representing our diverse lives?

I hope that somewhere out there, a young person already feeling shameful about their LGBT identity, might just happen across the successful, openly gay school leader (who once felt the same shame) talking openly on national children's telly and think 'maybe I am ok after all'.

Thank you CBBC for taking these steps forward; others please take note.

We have a hell of a lot of catching up to do; with 44% of young LGBT people considering self-harm or suicide we must harness the power of children's television to save lives.

A new term, you're starting to feel that you have established yourself with parents and pupils. You remain instinctively cautious on entering unfamiliar contexts; a side effect of years of school-based bullying, resulting in lapses onto anxiety medication.

You lay awake last night, eyes fixed on a patch of ceiling as you struggled to quieten anxious voices; in the morning, with resolve and refusal to live the rest of your life in inauthenticity-you make your decision.

(Monday 8am)

'Enter' says your head-teacher.

You open her door, your trusted employer and mentor sits with a cup of tea. A pile of unsigned cheques sits alongside a framed photo (with the man you recognise as her husband from the Christmas Carol concert) and her two teenage children.

'Do sit down' she says with a smile; you plonk yourself down hard before your legs give way.
'Well' she says after taking a sip of Earl Grey, 'what can I do for you?'

Feeling the give-away flush on your neck you look her straight in the eye.

'I want to serve as an authentic role model for the pupils. We know that in school two pupils have same sex parents and that around 10% of young people coming through our schools emerge as LGBT. I don't want to make a big issue of it, but I do feel that I'm ready and have the right to talk about my life and partner in the same way as everyone else in the school community.'

'I see' she says as you gather confidence in your point of view:

'I think that if we, as a school community can't support our LGBT staff to be authentic then how can we support LGBT pupils, parents or those with LGBT friends and family? I was always open before I became a teacher; I feel like I am lying to the children and letting them down by not being my true self; it is also against my beliefs to lie.'

You sit back in your chair as she begins to noticeably avoid your gaze.

'I'm glad you have come to see me, staff-room gossip what it is, I spoke to the governors about this, to pre-empt; should the situation arise'

You are impressed by her pro-active stance.

'Your private life is private, what you do in your bedroom and home is your business-not mine, not the parents and not the children's.

Feeling the lid threatening to lift on a lifetime of rejection, your gaze fixes on the family photo; her children are blond, just like yours.

'I don't understand; why is me being a lesbian 'private'? You don't discuss your sex life with the school and obviously neither would I-that would of course be inappropriate.'

Apparently uncomfortable, she begins to toy with the small wooden necklace around her neck.

'The governors and I agree we would not like you to 'come out'. We'd like you to know however, that your work on school carnival was exemplary. '

She checks her watch before announcing 'my next appointment must be here now'.

You thank her numbly and close the door behind you, heading dizzied to the toilet; a pupil passes with a 'good morning' but you say nothing.

You sit in shame in the cubicle, tracing faded scars on your thigh with your fifty year old forefinger. Memories of your colleagues leading 'interesting things I did with my family during our summer holidays' slideshows at the start of the Autumn Term taunt you; of your colleagues enjoying the Harvest Festival service with their husbands and wives, as pupils sat behind giggling and scrawling love-hearts on dusty pews. You recall role models of faith, race and disability speaking in recent whole school assemblies and a photo of a colleague's husband from the local paper, surrounded by year seven pupils, holding up an oversized cheque representing the funds he had raised for the school playground.

You're dragged back into the present by the school-bell.

Wipe your eyes, pull up your skirt and wash your face and hands.

Walking past the school office, a secretary pecks her boyfriend's cheek;

'Don't blame her for being late; I got us stuck in traffic'.

You head to your class-room and the day begins.
Imagine

In 2014 this experience and others like it still occur. Authenticity leads to improved outcomes and this in turn benefits all our pupils. As school leaders we should model inclusion, acceptance and human kindness; if we can't, then it is time we reflected on why we became educators in the first place.

If they wish to, I implore you; please support your LGBT teachers to be authentic.]]>Teachers and Parents: It's Time To Teach About Same Sex Weddings!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.50721782014-04-01T17:26:24-04:002014-06-01T05:59:01-04:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
I can now legally wed the man I love, should I choose to.

Blimey, I feel like my experience of reality just changed massively.

Interestingly, some of my Facebook friends who married soon after leaving school are now on their second or third attempt at wedded bliss, yet here I am at the ripe old age of 46 just starting to process the fact that I am no longer precluded by law from marrying the person I love.

I sincerely hope we will look back one day very soon and laugh about the same sex marriage ban as we now laugh about smoking on planes.

Surely we didn't used to let that happen?

Even in the decades that have passed since I arrived on planet Earth, I wonder how many young vulnerable gay men, faced with parents who had just learned that they'd given birth to a child who was born to love another man, suffered the humiliation of these reminders of our perceived inadequacies as offspring;

'We will never see you get married'
'You will never give us grandchildren'

The impact of this exchange on our already gossamer thin self-esteem as young gay men should not be underestimated. Of course I have sympathy for parents whose dreams have been apparently shattered, yet my sympathies also lie with the young soul, who may have been harbouring an unspoken truth for as long as he has been self-aware, in an often hostile world.

It is with a great sense of relief that I increasingly see a range of diverse families represented in our schools. I don't mind saying that this weekend I shed a tear over the first photographs of joyful looking same sex couples as I would for any happy couple.

The same sex matrimonial harmony was not entirely universal, there were dissenting voices from those who view marriage as an anti-feminist, antiquated, patriarchal institution. Whilst these arguments do resonate with me, I remain pleased that if same sex couples make a personal choice to marry (or not) then they now can. Yet my joy at being free to wed in my own country is offset by the immense sadness I feel at the appalling human rights violations being experienced by LGBT individuals in countries such as Russia, Uganda, Nigeria, the USA and the discriminatory laws in so many commonwealth countries against my own kind, and by that of course I really mean human beings.

There remains much to be done.

Over the past four or so years of travelling up and down the UK (and increasingly abroad) trying in my own small way to help places of education become safer places for all children (and in particular children who are LGBT or perceived to be LGBT ) I have been asked the same question time and time again;

'How will we end prejudice related to being LGBT?'

My answer?

Education for children, parents, educators, school governors and our various communities.

Education and information is vital from the very first day a child enters a nursery or school, because whether we as teachers approve or not, lots of children we teach will have LGBT friends and family and some will already know they are attracted to the same sex or will be subtly questioning the relationship between their sex and their gender identify when they arrive in our care.

I knew I was gay aged 3-4 and the earliest sign of gender dysphoria can show at the age of 2. We simply must be honest with ourselves about what children really are in order to support them fully.

There are still some parents and teachers who think children mustn't be told about same sex relationships until a much later stage than heterosexual relationships, thus sending a clear signal that they lack training and experience in how to tackle the issues positively
or that they are harbouring unease, fear, misconception or prejudice about LGBT people

If you disagree with me (and many do) then try flipping the concept around; imagine if I as a school leader decreed that children in nursery should not know about (delete as appropriate) heterosexual couples, disabled children, or people of faith until a much later stage in their education.

When I am leading anti-LGBT bullying training in schools through my www.inclusionforall.co.uk work I often point out that if a child is happily reading and discussing an Oxford Reading Tree book with a picture of a 'traditional' wedding in it, no education professional would ever use this as a lead into a conversation about wedding night intimacies, for this would be wholly inappropriate.

Yet some teachers and parents act as if a book about 'gay penguins' (When Tango Makes Three) or a book about a same sex couple (King and King) would lead to 'awkward' or 'age inappropriate conversations about gay sex.

Call me old fashioned, but if one can only define a loving relationship in terms of a sexual act then surely one needs to either gain a wider perspective of what being human entails or one needs to get ones head out of the bloody gutter!

Some children in our nurseries and schools have two mums, some have two dads, some have one single gay parent, some have carers and some live with their grandparents. At last count we have 31 different models of family unit in my own school alone- there is no 'normal'- there is just a wonderfully diverse range of networks of affection.

Children have a right to know and understand the rich diversity of family life in the 21st century and to be sent an clear message that, whatever the makeup of their own family group or network of affection, it is a valid one. All children need such validation in order to feel included and to be happy and successful human beings.

If we go into teaching thinking we can only teach about the types of families or relationships that comply with our own personal, political or theological belief systems, then surely we are failing our children.

Similarly, I know from my anti-bullying work that some teaching professionals still think that by teaching the facts about same sex marriage they are in the business of 'promoting it' even perhaps as a 'preferred lifestyle' whatever that means; surely a preferred lifestyle should be what makes us happy and once again for the record, being LGBT is not a lifestyle choice.

I see these as weak excuses to place one's own prejudices above the rights of young people to learn about their own possible journeys in life and that of their families, sibling and friends.
I happily teach Christianity and Islam but I am a disciple of neither. It does not stretch my teaching abilities or offend me to teach these religions nor do I claim one is superior to the other.

Learning about religion as a child did not make me religious, even though I found it very interesting and clearly saw the joy it brings many people. By teaching RE I do not feel personally compromised so why should teaching the facts about same sex marriages compromise anyone?

Like it or not, approve of it or not, want to do it or not; same sex marriage now exists in our country and children have a right to know the facts about it, because for some of them, it is their future.

If education professionals (and/or parents) continue to project an aura of shame around LGBT people and the reality of same sex marriage from the outset, then from the outset we are passing the toxic chalice of shame into our children's hands.

Our children's hands that might one day place a wedding ring on their same sex partner's finger; our children's hands that might one day prepare a bottle of follow on milk for an adopted child or a child born by surrogacy to same sex parents.

I implore you- take a deep breath, look inside with candour and honesty, get some training and please let's stop using excuses to mask our own fears and prejudice. The Equality Act agrees, OFSTED agrees.

But don't do it for them, do it for the children, ALL of them.

Education is the key; love will prevail.

Congratulations on all your big days!]]>LGBT History Month- Remembering the Smalltown Boytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2014:/theblog//3.47195862014-02-03T18:16:53-05:002014-04-05T05:59:01-04:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
Engaged in an activity which must seem wholly medieval to the download generation, I am sprawled awkwardly over my bedroom floor, cutting out song lyrics from unsteady towers of Smash Hits Magazines in order to slot them into the sleeves of my 7 inch single collection. The radio plays a selection of newly released songs, some float unnoticed out of my open window, but as I swap a pair of rusting nail scissors from one sore hand to the other, a rising and falling synthesised throb drifts directly into my consciousness and demands my attention.

'You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case,
Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face'

The lyrics, melody and pulsing electronic production instantly capture my heart. In my mind's eye I can see myself standing alone on a station platform, suitcase in hand. An instant emotional connection with a previously unheard piece of music, a connection that will remain; in such seemingly insignificant moments of time the soundtrack to our lives is still being compiled.

'Mother will never understand why you had to leave,
But the answers you seek will never be found at home,
The love that you seek will never be found at home'

Lots of kids say they are going to run away, some mean it, some do not; some slip out and hang out at the end of the street until they get hungry, bored or realise that their bluff has been called. For me the notion of running away had become very real.

I had known since I was four (possibly even earlier) with absolute clarity that I was attracted to men more than women. As a younger child I had lacked the vocabulary to define myself, but I had spent my primary school years not fitting in, feeling alien, different, the 'other'.

'Run away, turn away'

By 1984, I had internalised enough messages from news reports about politicians arrested by policemen in bars, from films, TV shows where gay characters killed themselves or were murdered or treated as figures of fun to know that I was to be labelled 'homosexual' at best, 'queer' at worst. This knowledge afforded me the luxury of a definition for my otherness, yet at the same time it condemned me to an ever deepening trench of self- loathing, fear and despair.

Even greater than my hatred then of being born gay ('Why me?' I used to scream in the bathroom mirror before punching my own face) was the more alarming prospect that the homophobic insults and graffiti which adorned the road signs and bus shelters of our small town would, despite my best early morning efforts to remove them, ultimately betray my secret to my parents.

'Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy,
You were the one they'd talk about around town as they put you down'

These lyrics being sung by the unusually voiced man on the radio seemed to me like some kind of validation. In a moment I knew instinctively what they were about and in doing so they became a kind of instant therapy, permeating the fake version of me I was presenting to the world in a vain attempt to conform, boring straight into my beating gay heart. I finally somehow knew there was another human being facing the same experience as me and at this moment of revelation, an unprecedented outpouring of tears played havoc with my precisely clipped song lyrics.

'And as hard as they would try they'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them just to your soul'

You know that awkward, red faced squirming feeling that you used to get as a teenager when sex or nudity came on the telly and your parents were in the room? One week after hearing Bronski Beat's Smalltown Boy for the first time on the radio, I was sat watching Saturday morning TV with my parents when the same melancholy keyboards and falsetto voice that had so affected me in my bedroom began to emit from the television. Shots of a train-track and a vulnerable looking Jimmy Sommerville played across the screen. My stomach went into jumps and knots and my face began to blush hot.

'Run away turn away'

Again the song speaks straight to my heart, but on this occasion a series of images which seems to represent elements of my past, present and possible future is played out on the screen in front of me, in front of them. (Mum, Dad please don't look up from your magazines and steal this precious moment of solidarity away from me.)

The images I watched back in 1984 never left me, such was their resonance and as recently as November 2013, whilst on the train from Gateshead (having just led anti-homophobic bullying training) I thought of Jimmy Sommerville smiling bashfully in the video at a handsome man in the swimming pool, a man whose smile seemed to suggest he was flattered by the attention. I recognised all too well the look of hopefulness in Jimmy's eyes, that just maybe there was someone to love him in the way he had been born to love. As the train clattered its way back to London I recalled the frightened eyes of Jimmy's character as he stood cornered in an alley as the handsome man and his mates gathered in order to beat out the tempo of hate into Jimmy's body. A tempo I could still hear in my own memory.

'Cry boy cry'

From a fictional video made in the past, to the shaming reality of our present...

A gay man, beaten and burning in Uganda whilst a young child looks on

Young gay men swinging from the gallows in Iran and Iraq

A masked man throws a gas cylinder into a packed gay club

A 29 year old Russian man stabbed and set alight

The haunting smile of a 15 year old boy and his father from Cheltenham who both took their own lives after homophobic bullying

A man who would be condemned for using racial slurs on national television is celebrated despite using homophobic slurs

The emerging lesbian child who hears being gay likened to bestiality by political figures still happy to take her taxes, admitted to hospital with AIDS after corrective rape

The blood of a dying gay teenager, smeared across a skateboard in Brazil

The emergent LGBT boy raised in a faith community. A boy who internalises messages given by those he looks to for love that he is on a one way ticket to hell, simply because of who he was born to love

The lifelong struggle of transgender people to truly emerge as themselves, only then to be mutilated and killed (73 in 2013 alone)

The more things change, the more they stay the same...

'Cry boy cry'

The video for Smalltown Boy (which is, so the story goes, based on the real life experiences of Mr Somerville) ends with a policeman returning Jimmy Somerville to his parents after a homophobic attack, with the implication that this is the moment his parents find out that he is gay. I watch intently for signs that Jimmy's fictional parents will be accepting, hoping for a rehearsal of the day when my own truth is spoken and a positive sign that the feelings of loathing and otherness I direct at myself will not be mirrored by those who I look to for guidance, security, love and respect. As the video reaches its conclusion Jimmy leaves his parents home; as his Mum hands over his bag she hands her son over to an uncertain 80s world in which so many young men will perish by the 'big disease with the little name'. Jimmy's Dad hands him some money but refuses to shake his hand; as my teenage self watched this play out the tears returned in force and I left the room. Interestingly, when I watch this section back as a 46 year old mostly sorted, happy gay man, I have a greater sense of sympathy for the Mother who has just had her own expectations apparently dashed and as she hands over his bag one is reminded of the images of Jimmy as a child earlier in the video, growing and emerging as the 'stranger in the family'

'You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case,
Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face'

There was never a platform for me, nor a little black case.

When the truth finally emerged about me, my parents did what they thought was right and tried to ground me, suggested medically correcting me and encouraged me to deny myself; I bear them only love now, but at the time I had to run away (turn away) before the cuts on my arm became rivers of blood in a bathtub.

Let us never forget however, that some parents do just accept, and that is a beautiful thing.

'Cry boy cry'

For my teenage self the final shots of the video for Smalltown Boy offered me faint flickers of hope. Jimmy's character boards a train (I instinctively felt it was to London) accompanied by two friends. The notion that three gay people could actually be in the same space laughing and supporting one another was revelatory to me; perhaps there was a place for me on Planet Earth after all. The passing of the years has added a certain poignancy to the video for me now, as so many young people fled their homes to emerge from the shackles of fear, disappointment, misconception and prejudice to be cruelly struck down by AIDS, as they were only just beginning to discover how to love and be loved. Watching the same scenes today when writing this blog, I also recalled some of the people I have met since coming to London in 2000, whose sense of shame and early experiences of rejection have led them to the point where self- harm, chronic drug /alcohol abuse or externally programmed messages that HIV transmission is something they deserve are still stealing away futures of so many unique human beings.

2009

A Sunday afternoon, my partner Michael and I drop by the Royal Vauxhall Tavern for a pint or two and to catch the show by the talented Jonathan Hellyer (AKA the Dame Edna Experience.)

When Jimmy Sommerville parted with Bronski Beat they recruited a new singer called John Foster, and when John Foster left they brought in another singer called Jonathan Hellyer....

The RVT audience treated Jonathan like a superstar and boy can he sing like a superstar, but on occasion he would choose a song that didn't quite match the mood in the room and being the seasoned diva he was, he would hold up a hand to the DJ box and pull out of the track; today was such a day.

Jonathan took a long moment to think of an alternative and just as the punters were getting restless he suddenly announced,

'I am going to sing you a song you might know and I am really sorry I have never sung it before for you; I don't know why I haven't'.

With that he waved a sparkling glove and the opening chords of Smalltown Boy filled that battered old pub in Vauxhall. Jonathan's falsetto took flight and we were all reminded in a second why he had been chosen as a Jimmy Sommerville stand in;

'Mother will never understand why you had to leave,
But the answers you seek will never be found at home,
The love that you seek will never be found at home'

The words rippled forwards in time from that Saturday afternoon in my bedroom in the year of George Orwell, to a packed pub on a Sunday afternoon in London in which so many people present still bore mostly well hidden scar tissue. As I raised my glass to my mouth my composure deserted me and tears began to run off my cheek and into my lager. Embarrassed I scanned to see if anyone was looking, but no one was looking in my direction.

Instead, all around the room tears were falling from the faces of so many men of my age. I was not alone in this extraordinary moment of shared homecoming, solidarity and emotional release, triggered by a combination of sound and words that reflected the lives of so many people gathered in that small space.

For a surreal moment numbers seemed to swell, as the faces of those who had fled their cities, small towns and villages who we had lost along the way seemed to fill the gaps in the crowd.

I turned and hugged my partner and told him that I loved him-because I could.

February 2014

It's LGBT History Month, the theme is music. Thank you Sue Sanders for giving LGBT History Month to us, thank you to Jimmy Sommerville, Steve Bronski, Larry Steinbachek for giving us the music and the memories and thank you to Jonathan Hellyer for bringing it back to us that day. It is a song that will be on my I Pod always.

And if you should happen to ever find yourself standing on the platform, the wind and train on your sad and lonely face, please know that whilst a train can leave a station, the train can also go back to those you left behind and just maybe in time, they may even come to accept you and love you for who you are.

That has to be a journey worth taking.]]>Losing Labels and Talking Tom Daleytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.43742232013-12-02T18:43:06-05:002014-02-01T05:59:01-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
My talks (which I claim are about homophobia) are in truth about shifting the culture and ethos of schools in order to remove labels and to celebrate unique individuals from the outset, thereby nurturing environments in which difference is seen as something enlightening, exciting and something to be celebrated and explored with great dignity and respect.

Our own school ethos statement firmly establishes from the very first point of contact for potential stakeholders that we 'celebrate difference'. This is who we are, this is what we stand for, like us or find another school.

Does this mean we are a 'progressive' school?

Of course not, it just means we strive to include ALL children, staff and parents, whatever their identity. The point being of course (should it need to be stated) that we are ALL different-which is what makes it all so damn exciting.

Tragically though, as we know only too well, some individuals suffer from a lack of cognitive empathy allowing their own internal fears and insecurity with regards to difference to manifest itself externally as prejudice and discrimination. This in turn may manifest itself as hate speech or acts of bullying, violence or even murder. Such insecurities also result in a need to label, in the fundamentally flawed propensity to place unique human souls into 'best fit' boxes in order to assuage the unease within the belly of the beholder. To this end we also have labels around sexuality, homosexual, heterosexual etc

As we emerge as individuals, many of us understandably seek to define ourselves by matching like for like, by seeking out our tribe if you will. As a child who knew he (predominantly) fancied men from the age of four, I spent many a formative year trying to discover my label just because everyone seemed to need one to be defined as a human being. By the age of 14 it was abundantly clear to me that the label that society used most to describe people such as myself was at worst 'queer' and at best 'homosexual'. Interestingly the mere inclusion of the word 'predominantly' in sentences such as the one above, can result in some of my friends who identify as gay asking me with worried brows, 'so are you secretly bisexual?'

Homosexual, bisexual heterosexual; blunt instruments attempting to define complex unique beings, based upon one aspect of our existence and in the wrong hands, sharp instruments used to hurt or even kill.

These days I would rather just say 'I am Shaun'- for me at least, that is enough. I have no issue with being labelled gay but right now I would rather just be Shaun Dellenty.

As a school leader, faced with a hall full of young individuals in assembly, I strive not to define the children by their faith, or skin tone, disability of ability or indeed by who they may fancy; I define them by their individual personality and their skills and strengths. The only label they need is their name, so we can address them individually and keep them safe when the fire alarm goes off.

The irony of course is that through my anti-homophobia work I am now often referred to as 'that gay teacher' and it may well be the title of my book. In fact some people, when they hear I am open about my partner at school to children and parents say 'well I would not want to be defined by my sexuality' thereby making an incorrect assumption that I do. I never understood why being open means for many, that we are, ergo defined by a sexual act or preference. For 'openly gay' think 'being able to be your true self', something which luckily enough for many people never even comes into question.

I certainly do not ever think about my 'straight' colleagues' bedroom habits when they quite rightly openly talk about their family lives, holidays and weekends. I'm Shaun, I'm 45, I eat, drink, watch the telly, go to the gym, walk the dog, do winter sports and maybe once in a blue moon I might have some time to get jiggy with it. In other words sex is just one part of my holistic 3D existence. It does not define me and neither does my 'sexuality'.

There seems to be a view from some people that when a teacher or indeed a public figure 'comes out' that they are the one making 'an issue' of something that is 'their business' or 'private.'I see this view as misconceived as best, prejudicial at worst.

When a teacher 'comes out' it is because they crave the same freedoms and rights as their colleagues to be an authentic, holistic, 3D human being. Everyone should be free to talk about their network of affections, their partners, their weekends, holidays and yes to invite their partner along to the Christmas Carol concert, that is equality and we indeed have an Equality Act which covers public services such as schools.

Additionally, if school leaders cannot provide an authentic, safe environment for their own staff, then how on earth do they ever expect to be able to support and represent the 10% of children who emerge through our schools as LGBT? How on earth then do they expect to include children with same sex families or staff with LGBT friends and family? Authentic teachers are more effective teachers, that is a fact. More effective teachers provide more effective provision for our children- that too is a fact. A school leader that empowers a gay or transgender teacher to be authentic is sending a very inclusive message to all stakeholders that it is ok to be YOU, whoever you may emerge to be.

So back to my vibrating phone and Tom Daley...

My initial response on seeing the news of Tom's announcement was, if I am honest, sadness. Sadness that still in 2013, the fact that Tom has fallen in love with a man should ever be a newsworthy issue in the first place. To see the resulting media frenzy smacks of sensationalism, passive homophobia and is disappointing to experience; yet here I am adding fuel to the fire- so what do I know?

It is the seemingly perennial conundrum, stay in the closet because your family/colleagues/church/society/media might reject you -or because you might face prejudice/bullying -or come out before the press does it for you- or come out because you just want to be authentic and happy, which in turn can trigger the bullying and prejudice and accusations of wanting to be defined by your 'sexuality'.

Then there is the pressure to be a 'role model', just because an individual declares themselves as being in a same sex relationship we need to be careful about that label too. Being a 'role model' comes with additional pressure, scrutiny and responsibility, often upon young people who have already suffered a lot. In no way do I doubt Tom's abilities to be an inspiring role model, but I hope in time we can move forward from the need to label everyone who comes out in this way; I believe being authentic is a human right for all.

Tom has the same right to be safe, happy, successful and authentic as everyone else and who he chooses to love (and for goodness sake can we please ditch the LGBT is a 'lifestyle choice' rubbish) really is his business and I wish him every success and happiness in life, in love and in his profession. I hope to live to see a day where the Toms of this world can just be, well Toms.

It was heartening to see so many messages of support for Tom and sadly not surprising to read the various comments of hate that the faceless Twitter cowards immediately started shooting into the ether.I am thrilled for Tom that he has found love, long may it continue; he should be proud of who he is as an individual and for his achievements. I hope that in the coming days weeks and months we can all make his choice of partner the least interesting element of his life,

As a 3D holistic unique individual who has served our country well, I think we owe him that at least.]]>Carrying the Torch -Doctor Who at 50tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.43179792013-11-21T13:57:47-05:002014-01-25T16:01:55-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
My father reaches out to turn on our crumbling black and white television set and eventually, accompanied by a strange wheezing and groaning sound it gradually flares into reluctant life. Acrid tendrils of scorched dust begin to suffocate the sweet aroma of burning logs.

After ensuring that the recent rigorous towelling has not disconnected my head from my shoulders I sit still, breathing in the warm air. As I do so, a new strange electronic sound fills the air and a swirling mass of clouds begins to fill the television screen before me. The combined impact of the music (is this music?) and hypnotic images draw me closer to the screen and as a white haired man appears amongst the clouds my Father's voice says 'I think you might like this programme, but it can be a bit scary'.

After a few all too brief seconds the electronic assault on my senses ends, forever imprinted on my psyche and life journey. I watch transfixed as a tall, beaky nosed man with a frilly shirt and an air of great dignity walks into a blue wardrobe marked 'Police Box' and emerges into what to the most exciting place not on earth to be. I like the company of this man, he gets angry when things are bad, but he doesn't seem to pick up a gun or kill anyone for the sake of it.

Within hours I am hooked and I am drawing circular TARDIS 'roundels' on my bedroom wallpaper. As a four year old who already knows (although I lack the vocabulary to express it) that I am 'the other' because I fancy bearded men on the telly and not pretty women, I feel a huge sense of relief; the Doctor man also appears to be 'other' -not exactly inhabiting the same space as me, yet still existing in an alternative one with value. An outsider who feels different, kind and loving to their female friends and who would rather face down fear with a smile and a sweet than a punch.

This is hugely significant and life affirming for me and through my nursery and primary school years the good Doctor will be my truest and most reliable friend. He will teach me how to try and disarm situations with a funny story, or a joke or a random distraction, which in turn will help me manage situations in which I am bullied or when I ultimately become a teacher. He will show me that just because someone has eight arms and is green, that we shouldn't immediately fear them for it.

Then joy of joy, books with my Doctor on the front started to appear in WH Smiths in Buckingham, not only the now passed over grey haired beaky nosed one and the new toothy bug-eyed curly haired one, but also a new mysterious and slightly sinister looking white haired old man and a mop topped fellow whose face and eyes I studied and try to emulate at length, leading to a few 'interesting' school photos. These books, then published by Target books provided me with a life long love of reading, a hugely widened vocabulary and inspired in me a love of writing that has continued until today. These books inspired me to research Richard the Lionheart, The Aztecs, different forms of electricity, nuclear war and insect life around the world. In every respect my learning and developing sense of self were influenced and enhanced by this kind, brave and child-like fellow from another world, with whom I felt much in common.

Later in the 70s, the safe haven of my home life would fracture as my parents sadly parted and my sense of self as an other that would generally be rejected by society and in particular by people in places of power and worship became profound. Self esteem, self loathing began to fester and I harboured a deep and all pervading suspicion that I was indeed the alien.

It was during this uniquely vulnerable time that I wrote to Dr Who actress Louise Jameson, then playing the character of leather clad savage Leela, 'something to keep the Dad's interested' went the press coverage, but for me Leela and Louise became far more significant. Just as my world was falling apart around me, I wrote to Louise after seeing her on Swap Shop. To my utmost surprise and joy she wrote back to me, many times. A correspondence grew and some of my happiest childhood memories are of sitting with my dad recording funny stories in silly voices on tape and singing songs for Louise to listen to. Her replies were always caring, always sincere and absolutely helped me keep my head above the current that was threatening to pull me under. I still have the letters and now through my anti-homophobia project young people Tweet and write to me to share their personal stories of being bullied. However busy or stressed I am, I try to remember my young 9 year old self opening that first letter from Louise. Louise later crossed my path again-just as my father was dying and she gave me sound advice; she is a wonderful caring soul.

As a teenager a growing interest in music and men collided with the later excesses of the Tom Baker era and this temporarily refocussed my alliegances to sterile, shiny American sci-fi which seemed to make me cooler and more popular with my peers. I did however, always kept a secret special place in my heart for that outsider from Gallifrey, sometimes sneaking a copy of Doctor Who Weekly out of the local newsagents as if it were an adult magazine to avoid mockery and yet more bullying.

In 1986 how surprised I was to find that legendary Dr Who writer Robert Holmes drank in my local pub and many a happy hour was then spent in the pub talking about his various creations such as the plastic Autons, the Sontarans and the fact that Gallifray was contrary to popular perception, actually pronounced Gall-if- free (stress the 'if').

Bob Holmes also advised me how to get my Equity Card ('you should act' he said-which I then did) and he bemoaned in colourful language the state of Dr Who in the 1980s under the stewardship of John Nathan Turner. Ironically it was John Nathan Turner (and his partner Gary Downie) who invited me to London 'for a chat about how to get into acting' an experience which soon ended in humiliation in a Shepherds Bush public house as I recently recounted in Richard Marson's fascinating well balanced and moving book 'The Life and Scandalous Times of John Nathan-Turner'.

In Autumn 1989 I sat in with my first real partner David (who also loved the show thank goodness) and watched in growing unease as Sylvester Mcoy and Sophie Aldred walked off into the sunset. The traditional announcement that 'Dr Who will return next year' went unspoken.
I recall turning to David in the firelight and saying 'that's it- that is the end'.

Dr Who was broken and looking back now I think I actually felt, in some way, bereft. One of the constants, part of my internal structure had left me. It felt like my oldest friend, my most accepting friend had well, died.

But that was silly, geeky,uncool, naff.

In the intervening years I struggled to keep my life and relationships afloat as the double damage of separated parents and sustained homophobic bullying gradually poisoned my demished sense of self. Occasionally the Dr would flicker onto my television in the form of anniversaries and reflective programmes, but the tone was always mocking and the tenses firmly past. Then we had for one brief moment the wonderful Paul McGann in a beautifully directed misfire. Finally the writing seemed to be scrawling itself across the headstone and then the mourning after really kicked in.

By 2003 I had a new life, free from some of the baggage of my childhood and I was living and working in London as class-teacher. I was having a fun time in London with newly found gay friends, but many of us kept our dark secrets, the appalling truth that we had grown up as believers. One day after reading a Metro article about robots I randomly drew a Dalek on the board. To my horror not one of my pupils knew what it was.

That was the day I almost gave up hope.

Except that very night, after a few pints in Soho, I got the last tube home. I was alone in the carriage, except for a grey haired but very present and charasmatic man who I recognised from pictures in my Dr Who Monster book as a child; sat opposite me was actor William Russell who played science teacher Ian Chesterton in the very first episode of Dr Who back in 1963 (watch it-it is televisual brilliance and 2013 school kids just... get it). I raised a smile and we awkwardly met eyes for a moment; as the train arrived at my stop my inner child (or maybe three pints of lager) emerged and I said 'get home safe Mr Chesterton.' Mr Russell smiled warmly and said simply 'thank you, the same to you.'

It was, a small but special moment.

Several weeks later I bumped into the much loved and missed Elisabeth Sladen in Hammersmith; when I said a bashful 'hello' she beamed at me like a long lost friend, took my arm and asked me to walk along the Embankment for a few moments.

Fiction and real life colliding.

Miraculously, just two years later, back in my class-room, I was faced with children buzzing with excitement following the transmission of the first episode of new Dr Who.Children who would soon be writing the words 'Bad Wolf' on their school books and in true Ecclestone style declaring everything to be 'fantasic'. They even pretended to be plastic shop dummies coming alive, using pencils as hand guns, just as I had done back in the playground back in Maids Moreton in the 70s. The very same plastic shop dummies that my old mate Bob had created.

It is now 2013 and the children of the 60s and 70s now working in television have turned my child-hood friend from Gallifey into a world beating, immortal fictional legend that I am delighted to say will outlive all of us. I see so many children in schools who, because of their love of this silly old show, want to act, write, record music, sing or become scientists.

Some of them want to run and write the show; the future starts here, watch it Moffat.

Over my 45 years on planet earth I have witnessed some terrible acts of violence, prejudice and hate. But from out of this fifty year old family show (started by the collective thoughts of Verity Lambert, Sydney Newman, Tony Coburn, Waris Hussein, Mervyn Pinfield,Delia Derbyshire and of course William Hartnell) something truly unique was born and from it shines joy, positivity, creativity and inspiration for children and adults of all ages.

Thank you to everyone who has worked on the show over the decades behind and in front of cameras. But most of all thank you to Louise, to Lis, Bob, to William Russell and to every single soul that does something creative or great just because Tom Baker once faced down an alien with a jelly baby or because Patrick Troughton once made it very clear that terrible things must be challenged.

Like it or not, that blue box is around for the long -haul and that is.....fantastic!

Happy Birthday old friend. Enjoy the party!]]>Some School Leaders and School Governors Must Stop Preventing Trainee and Newly Qualified Teachers from Saving Young Livestag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.40529542013-10-06T09:09:50-04:002014-01-23T18:58:21-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
This 'profile' (for which I am very grateful by the way) means that I am invited to speak at a diverse range of events about my schools anti-homophobia work from presentations at Amnesty, LGBT History Month events, Pride events, local authority and police anti-bullying events, school assemblies, INSET days, radio and television programmes and most unexpectedly of all-at the House of Commons. I also run one Inclusion For All anti-homophobia training day in my own school every term, for which we were recently awarded the Southwark Good Practice Award.

Whilst these engagements provide wonderful opportunities to share these vital messages, there is one 'genre' of speaking engagement which cuts to the very core of why I undertake this work; trainee teacher and newly qualified teacher events.

Back in 2010, when I started speaking out against the endemic levels of homophobia in our schools, I very soon developed an ambition, that one day I might be afforded the opportunity to speak to trainee teachers, right at the start of their careers. It is therefore a tremendous joy to me that I have now addressed many rooms and lecture theatres packed with trainee teachers.

In speaking to trainee teachers, I share my own story of surviving (for that is what it is) homophobic bullying at school. I share case studies of young people, who were not so 'fortunate' such as the tragic losses of Dominic Crouch and Michael Causer. I make explicit the statutory and OFSTED requirements around preventing homophobia and transphobia in schools. I share practical teaching and learning strategies to ensure these torch bearers for young people go into their first teaching position fully equipped not only to prevent bullying and language based upon sexual orientation, but to prevent it happening in schools in the first place. I do this because we are still losing young lives.

After all that, I take a deep breath and ask for feedback and questions.
And here is where it gets very interesting.

A consistently asked question I get from trainee teachers is along these lines:
'Why has nothing been done before?'

As an education professional, faced with clear data around the endemic nature of homophobia and transphobia in our schools and with frightening statistics around homophobic attacks and many cases of self-harm, suicide, alcohol and drug abuse this can be a tough question to answer.

Of course the answer is this, a toxic combination over many years of fear, misconception and outright prejudice on behalf of some people in charge of our education system and our schools.

You see many of the young trainee teachers out there are absolutely appalled to learn the same toxic behaviours that went unchecked when I was a young man in education are still going unchallenged in many schools. But some of them are in for an even greater shock when they enthusiastically begin school placements or their first teaching posts.

Increasingly teacher training establishments quite rightly encourage their teacher trainees to undertake research around homophobia and equalities in schools. Whilst the take up on such research (I am told) is not always huge, those who undertake this work tend to do so with great interest and passion and they are able to place the needs of all children before political or religious points of view; for me a baseline requirement for anyone thinking of entering the teaching profession.

In my limited capacity as an 'outside voice' I have been advocating that teacher training agencies use the current OFSTED guidelines 'Exploring the school's actions to prevent and tackle homophobic and transphobic bulliyng' as a starting point for action research, to enable students to look themselves for evidence that schools are meeting their statutory obligations.

Some trainees and newly qualified teachers desperately want to utilise their passion and lack of 'baggage 'around LGBT matters to help drive this life changing work forward. Let's not forget, some of these young people are growing up in a very different world to many of our more senior school leaders, politicians and governors, where being LGBT is merely part of the fabric of nature, life and society; which of course, it is.

Where evidence suggests that no anti-homophobia work is being undertaken in schools, this in itself can still be highly worthy of research and can paint a few unpalatable truths.

For teachers the easiest way to begin teaching about same sex families and homophobia is to use what get labelled as ' books about difference.' Some of these books you may be familiar with, such as King and King (Linda De Haan/Stern Nijland)and When Tango Makes Three' (Peter Parnell/Justin Richardson) as from time to time some corners of the press get themselves in a tizzy when they clearly can't differentiate between what is education and information and what is promotion.

Through being party to discussions of homophobic bullying with young people in schools over the past few years, it is always a surprise to me how they just instinctively get the injustice of it, once the facts are explained. It has been my privilege to witness some deeply profound and moving discussions about the nature of different families and prejudice, as far down schools as reception and Year 1.

Often children will find the notion that anyone could have an issue with either two men or two women who love each another getting married simply unbelievable and will have no problem saying so. As one teacher I worked with recently reminded me;
'It's rarely the kids that have the problem with it, it's just the occasional parent and the difference between what they think we are doing and what we are actually teaching is usually the issue'.

Surely then with statutory backing from the Equality Act and with OFSTED now being critical of educational establishments for not taking pro-active steps to prevent homophobia and transphobia should we not be at an important cusp of a fundamental and life-changing shift for the better in our schools?

Yet I am still deeply concerned about some school leaders' commitment to placing the needs of all the pupils in their care before their own lack of fear, misconception and yes, in some cases, prejudice around different families, homophobia and LGBT matters.
I am deeply alarmed by the number of young trainee and newly qualified teachers who leave training feeling passionate, inspired and informed enough to use all of their energy and inertia to tackle these issues using the 'books about difference' as a stimulus for lessons and discussions in schools only to be told by senior management 'you can't use books like that in this school'. Books like what for goodness sake? We are not talking about gay porn, just books that show the actual diversity of our lives. It is called being 'age appropriate' and it is not rocket science.

Then there are the students and newly qualified teachers who want to undertake pupil voice questionnaires around the negative use of the word gay that are told 'that is not appropriate here'. Or those who put up 'Some people are gay' posters, who are told to take them down.

Not only is this profoundly demotivating, it reinforces prejudice and also sends a deeply worrying message to the next generation of teachers in terms of our courageousness to stand up for the well-being and safety of all the wonderful young people in our care-and that in turn reflects dreadfully upon our profession. Truth be told I find it shameful, not only for our trainee teachers but for the children in our schools who will suffer as a result.

I just hope that these brave young teachers, who go into the world of education with open minds and hearts, will hold onto their sense of justice and of what is right, long after the bitter taste of fear, misconception and prejudice fades after their formative experiences in some of our schools. School leaders who quietly avoid these issues, whether it be through lack of training, fear, misconception or prejudice could learn so much from some of these amazing young people who are entering the profession at what is after all, a very unsettling time.

Can we finally not be courageous enough as a profession to empower an entire generation of children to pass through our education system free to be proud of themselves, their friends and their families, whoever they are and whatever their emergent identity? Only then, when our education system is fully inclusive can we stand as a beacon in the face of some of the human rights atrocities being committed in Russia, Nigeria, Uganda and yes, even the United States of America.

This is my dream, and through working with the trainee teachers of tomorrow I am happier in the knowledge it is a dream shared by many entering my profession.

Go change the future.....please?]]>Gay IS a Nice Thing to Say!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.32691522013-05-13T19:10:43-04:002013-07-13T05:12:01-04:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
Around the world a range of events will be held to send a clear message that homophobia and transphobia have no place in our lives.

Friday 17 May also marks a year to the day that my anti-homophobic bullying website went live. Initially suggested by my friend Richard Whent, www.shaundellenty.com was intended to share my own childhood experiences of homophobic bullying, along with some strategies (termed 'Inclusion For All') which I hoped might support other schools in preventing homophobia.

Over the past year, word has spread about my website and associated Facebook and Twitter feeds. This technically illiterate deputy head teacher in his mid-40s has, so I am told, developed a 'social media profile.' The benefit of my new found 'social media savvy' is that I am able to share positive messages of what schools absolutely should be doing to prevent homophobic bullying in the first place.

It has been my privilege this year to address hundreds of teachers, trainee teachers, teacher trainers, police, health workers and students about preventing homophobia. I have heard many personal stories of lives ruined and chances lost, but I have also met many people who have overcome homophobic bullying and many inspirational people who are working passionately to overcome homophobic and transphobic bullying.

I have heard from teachers, students and parents from schools,not just in the UK, but from many different countries who just want to share their own stories of being homophobically bullied or who seek advice and support. It is a tremendous privilege when people take the time to write and it can sometimes make for hard reading, especially when I read of some teachers and school leaders making things harder for the often very vulnerable young people in their care.

Two of the most common issues that are still arising in some schools are:

a) teachers or school leaders telling children that they don't approve of LGBT people themselves

and

b) teachers or school leaders telling pupils that 'gay' is 'not a nice thing to say'.

It really shouldn't matter if a teacher sadly holds a negative personal view of LGBT people; common sense indicates that if a teacher says something like 'I think gay people are wrong and deserve to go to hell' they run the risk of damaging or offending pupils in their care who may be questioning themselves, or who may have LGBT friends or family (as many children now do).

As a gay man of some spirituality (but not aligned to a particular faith) I teach about the six main world religions with enthusiasm and interest. I simply wouldn't dream of expressing a negative opinion about the Christian, Muslim, Catholic or any other faith in class because it could hurt/offend my pupils and that is wholly unacceptable. Teachers teach about many things without being personally invested in them.

A hang-over from the dark days of Section 28 is the provocative word 'promote' which regularly gets thrown about with reference to the same sex marriage teaching and the teaching of LGBT issues in school. Think about it, if I teach six world main religions without promoting one over the other, a teacher who has a personal objection to human beings who are born LGBT should be able to educate and inform about the existence of LGBT people and civil partnerships without making a qualitative or personal judgement. Imagine if I refused to teach one particular faith because it didn't sit comfortably with my own beliefs- I would fully expect to face capability proceedings, as well as many offended members of my school community. Besides this, schools in the UK have a duty under the public sector duty to 'foster good relationships' between people of different 'protected characteristics' (including race, religion and sexual orientation) and Her Majesty's Inspectorate OFSTED are looking to see schools being pro-active in preventing homophobia and transphobia in the first place.

I fail to see how schools can undertake this work meaningfully if members of staff are expressing personally held negative beliefs or opinions about LGBT people or opting out of such teaching.

I also hear regularly from students, teachers and parents concerned that a school leader, a teacher or another member of school staff has told a child that the word gay is 'not a nice thing to say'.

Let's get this right, 'gay' IS a nice word to say, in the right context and used correctly; this is where the teaching many schools do in literacy around multiple word meanings comes into play. After all, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, they are just words, not scary monsters. The word 'gay' can describe something happy, carefree or lovely, or it might just be describing some of the young people sat in your classroom or assembly, or perhaps their parents, or siblings or friends. Do we really think that out of all the staff in a school, no one has LGBT friends or family? How do they feel when they hear a colleague saying 'gay is not a nice thing to say'?

When a trusted teacher tells a child that 'gay' is not a nice thing to say, the negative association is compounded even further. The child may be actually questioning themselves or have LGBT parents, friends or family; being told gay is 'not nice' can damage their self-esteem, hurt their feelings and be downright offensive.

Call me old fashioned but I simply don't remember this part of a teacher's job description.

Staff in schools please stop telling young people that gay is 'not nice'. Schools can invest time in teaching what the varying uses of the word 'gay' are, how they have changed over time and how the word 'gay' can be used correctly and without causing offence. Staff can take the time to look at the intent behind the use of pejorative use of the word gay with children and offer them alternative ways of expressing disapproval and handling disputes.

Staff and pupils can undertake role plays to find positive alternatives to saying 'don't say gay it isn't nice'. In my own school, having looked at the changing use of the word 'gay' with children, we have little to no instances of homophobic bullying and language and children regularly use the word 'gay' in their writing to describe something good or happy because they feel it is appropriate and safe to do so.

Education is the very best weapon we have in the fight against prejudicial, discriminatory and hateful attitudes towards LGBT people, educators must put the safety and well-being of children first, even if that means facing some unpalatable truths about their own practice.

Thank you to those of you who have shared your stories with me this year, I hope the children of the future will have happier stories to tell and that one day, they will talk of homophobia and transphobia as we now talk of slavery and apartheid.

It has been an absolute privilege in particular this year to listen to children from Church of England, Catholic and some predominantly Muslim schools sharing their fantastic work on LGBT history month and LGBT role models. I have real hope that the barriers can come down without compromising our beliefs, if we can all just agree to put the success, safety and well-being of our children first.

When we have, then maybe we will all understand one another a little better.

(Friday 17th May is the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia and www.shaundellenty.com will celebrate by morphing into www.inclusionforall.co.uk)]]>LGBT History Month, Initialisms and The Rainbow Peopletag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.27966542013-03-02T12:34:38-05:002013-05-02T05:12:02-04:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
I attended and was privileged to speak at a number of history month events this year, ranging from police events to lectures at teacher training establishments.

Two recurring debates particularly stood out for me.

Firstly were the varying objections to use of the initialism 'LGBT' from a number of people who identify as Queer, Questioning and Intersex who felt sadly precluded. At one event I was speaking at an 'LGBT' history month event, run by an 'LGBTQ' group, yet there were Intersex attendees in the audience who felt rightly ignored.

It is not uncommon for me to get queried on own use of 'LGBT' by those abroad who use 'GLBT' or 'LGBTQ' or 'LGBTQI' so I always try to stress that the name of my initiative is 'Inclusion For ALL.'

Reaction to the inclusion of an abbreviation for Transpeople varies as well; the placing of 'T' in 'LGBT' causes offence to some Trans people I have met, as can placing it separately as in 'LGB and T' as it serves to separate Trans people. Of course there remain some LGB groups who prefer not to include Trans at all, which I think is a shame. It is not hard to see why Trans and Intersex people have to strive so hard to fight their corner and be represented and celebrated.

Of course none of these debates about initialisms are new (and the fact that we are still having them makes me wonder if we will ever find consensus) but the fact that they were so focussed on labels really made me think about how I prefer to be represented. Increasingly I am known as 'that gay teacher' rather than Shaun, and this has happened for a reason, but it does not (I hope) define me. I chose to identify as 'gay' because it provides me with a common point of reference to explain to other people that I was born preferring men to women. Yet I have had girlfriends and sexual relationships with women, therefore should really I be labelling myself as bi-sexual? Others have implied that I should. However if my identity is 'Shaun' then why does it matter anyway?

And what of the ladies in my lovely old village back in the Midlands, both widowed after many happy years of marriage and then boasting about their fantastic relationship together in the pub over Sunday lunch. 'We're not lesbians' they would chortle, 'we just know when it feels right and when it is good'.

Ladies I raise my glass to you, I know myself most truthfully as 'Shaun' because it feels right, any labels I stick on myself or have stuck on me are done so for the sake of mass public consumption and a kind of media shorthand.

It happen in schools too often as well, the 'special needs' child, the 'gifted and talented' child, the 'class clown', the 'low aspiration white working class free school meal' children; as practitioners we are forced into using labels every single day of our working life as it enables us to access funding and support and be answerable to OFSTED. So often I find myself saying 'Can we talk about individual children please' to education professionals who look at me as if I am from the planet Zog.

Aside from these debates around initialism and labels, I was also party to a number of high powered debates around the use of word 'phobia' in homophobia, transphobia etc.

Again there are many valid points to be made around what phobias are and what they are not and we could debate that for a very long time without actually changing anything.

Surely what matters, is the appalling fact that young children are being made to feel terrible and unsafe in their schools, communities and homes across the world and surely our energies are better spent striving to prevent this from happening. We can argue about labels, about word use and never reach a point where we agree -in the meantime how many more children have cut themselves or have seen their life chances impaired by fear, ignorance and hate? We all know what it looks like when children are horrible to other children, whatever label we give it we are surely better off spending time trying to prevent it happening in the first place.

So as I move forward into Spring, I find myself increasingly dropping 'LGBT' and 'GLBT' and 'LGBTQI' (all of which I really struggle to say anyway) and instead I look to that most colourful of symbols that many of us in Pride all around the world; the Rainbow.

Rainbow People in our schools should be free to be who they were born to be, without being made to feel bad about it or be damaged for it. If we can truly achieve this (yes it will take some time, but the Equality Act and current OFSTED framework are helping so we need rigorous action now) then maybe in the future our History Month truly will last 365 days.

So thanks for a wonderful month of celebration Rainbow People everywhere.

And before you say it- Rainbow People is merely another label, but I kind of like it anyway.

For whoever we are, and whoever we identify as,we can all stand under a rainbow with a smile and dream there is something truly lovely at the end of it.]]>Gay Teachers, Head-Teachers and Heroes (or How Stories Can Change Our Lives)tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.22070692012-11-28T17:55:50-05:002013-01-28T05:12:01-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
So many of our early moral messages come from stories, they broaden our perceptions and seep into our dreams, sometimes blurring the line between reality and fantasy.

Last Friday I had one of the most 'blurred' experiences of my life. A few weeks ago an unexpected email popped into my inbox from the Royal Court Theatre. The message explained that the playwright EV Crowe (whose play 'Kin' was shortlisted for the Most Promising Playwright at the Evening Standard Theatre Awards in 2011) had written a new play 'Hero', the subject of which was a gay male primary school teacher. The play was to be directed by Jeremy Herrin at the Jerwood Theatre upstairs at the Royal Court. An online search for gay primary school teachers threw up my name and so EV Crowe, the cast and director were requesting a chat with me, seeing clear parallels between my journey as an 'out' gay primary school teacher and some of the events in the play.

As an ex-actor myself, this was an intriguing proposal, but as everything I do as a school leader is child centred my first thought was 'how can I involve the children in this experience?'

Thus a deal was struck and writer, cast and production team came to our school where I led a session with a group of pupils during which we explored and reflected upon our work around tackling homophobia. I was incredibly proud of the pupils, they were articulate, profound and respectful. They were able to make the point with great clarity that it is not about gay or straight teachers, it is about great teachers.

Following the pupil led session I shared some of my own stories of being a gay man in education over the past 15 years. I recounted stories of staff-rooms where homophobic language was used to label pupils and insult staff and parents. I recounted stories of school leaders I had seen turn away when victims reporting homophobic bullying, I recounted stories of how ashamed I felt when I lied about my male partner of 12 years rather than admit I was gay to school staff and I recounted stories of anxious, confused children who openly expressed their sense of difference, only to be told 'not to be silly'.

After I had shared my stories, the 'Hero' team went away, re-visited the script, blocked out their moves and readied themselves to tell a new and important story of their own.

Part of the privileged position I am in right now, thanks to recent publicity and the Pink List nomination is that people I have never met from all over the world write to me, email me and Tweet me in order to share their stories.

These stories come from a variety of people in a variety of contexts from right across the globe and certain patterns are emerging- I hear from:

-teachers who are frightened to come out who feel their school leaders/parents/governors won't support them
-parents who know there is homophobic bullying going on in the school their children attend and see nothing is being done to curb it
-gay teachers who work in schools and especially faith schools who are frightened to come out
-people who still feel scarred by homophobic bullying or bullying around gender stereotyping who feel that the development and potential of their adult lives has been (and in some cases continues to be) seriously impaired by the bullying they suffered at school and in workplaces

As this living compendium of stories accumulates in my synapses, one thing becomes abundantly clear; homophobic bullying and gender stereotyping has been damaging children in our schools at least since the 1950s, 60s, 70, 80, 90s, 2000s and it is still wrecking young lives even as I type.

Yet we know that many school leaders are afraid or unwilling to tackle these issues head on, for the sake of generations of young people to come, I find this unacceptable. Homophobic bullying, any form of bullying, is a child protection concern. A school leader that fails to tackle homophobic bullying for whatever reason is in my personal opinion, putting children at risk.

As school leaders we can invest time in debating theology, have discussions about semantics with reference to the use of the word 'gay' or 'homophobia', or we can simply get on and train our school staff to make things better for all the brilliant young people in our care.

Rachel William's article in The Guardian this week illustrated how difficult it can be for gay teachers to be open about their authentic identity in schools due to lack of support and fear of reprisal. I have often heard said 'why should do gay people want to talk about THAT in school, it is not relevant to your job, its private and you should keep it private'. But some heterosexual colleagues are given flowers in assembly on the eve of their weddings and some quite rightly talk openly about their weekends or holidays with their husband or wives. Some of the children in our schools will have gay family, friends and grow up to be LGBT themselves, they deserve and need a representative diverse range of authentic role models in schools.

The view that being gay is a 'private' matter is most likely based upon the still fairly common misconception that being gay is purely a sexual act; yet when heterosexual teachers talk about their weddings and holidays they presumably do not share intimate details of their wedding night- it would be wholly inappropriate, the sexual part of their lives is merely one facet. It may come as a surprise to some, but LGBT people do really boring stuff too, like pay taxes, watch the telly and work for charities, oh and some make really great teachers!

An effective school leader is one who gets the best people for the job, to allow prejudice of any kind to get in the way of hiring the best teachers results in diminished opportunities and life chances for our children. Our schools need to be full to the brim with inspirational, authentic and excellent teaching role models from a diverse and representative range of backgrounds. In this way children can see all their possible futures living and learning alongside them. If school leaders are not confident in hiring diverse workforces, we need to invest in training and open and honest dialogue in order to get over prejudice, fear and misconception.

In this way we will truly put the children first.

Stories have alway played an important part in my life. Last Friday, upstairs at the Royal Court Theatre, actors Danny Mays, Tim Steed, Susannah Wise and Liam Garragan under the direction of Jeremy Herrin brought EV Crowe's 'Hero' brilliantly to life. I had not been prepared for the intimacy of the production, the intensity of the performances, the complexity of the script and the finely observed dialogue which resonated with countless conversations I have had through my 44 years with friends and colleagues gay, straight and everything in between.

The script had undergone a final polish to reflect the cast's visit to our school and for a few moments in a packed theatre on a Friday night my real life and the stories being told so vibrantly by EV Crowe seem to merge, a surreal and profoundly cathartic experience and one I expect never to be repeated, nor one I will ever forget.

Hero is a courageous, vital and important piece of work, I wish all school leaders, all school governors and all school staff could see the show and talk through their fears and their misconceptions afterwards. For this reason I hope the piece is a huge success, is performed far and wide and perhaps is even filmed for mass teacher training consumption.

I believe there needs to be a greater effort to attract LGBT people into teaching. We need to let LGBT people know they will be welcomed and supported in our wonderful profession and that they can be great role models for pupils. It is a privilege working with these amazing young people who will go on to shape the future; it should not however be a heterosexual privilege to talk openly about your family, or who you love, who you live with and what you did on your holiday.

Authentic teachers are more efficient teachers and more efficient teachers are teachers who raise standards.

EV Crowe captures something in 'Hero' I did not expect, a sense of inertia driving forward genuine change. The stories people continue to share give me real hope that an increasing number of school staff can see the benefits of placing the needs of pupils before endless philosophical and theological debate. The Equality Act, OFSTED, the National College for School Leadership all increasingly recognise the need to tackle homophobia in our schools and communities and the signs are there that there is an increasing number of teachers that can see this too. I remain optimistic, maybe we are on the cusp of lasting change.

After all, it's important for everyone to be themselves, isn't it?]]>Anti-Bullying Week: Reflection, Celebration and Child Protection‏tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.21711022012-11-21T12:51:03-05:002013-01-21T05:12:01-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
Waking up at 3am on a Sunday morning to find a message from an ex-pupil congratulating me on entering the Independent on Sunday Pink List was an unexpected experience, as was reading that I was 'much nominated' and that pupils had voted for me. The Pink List has its detractors I have since found, but there is no doubting it brings a wider audience to my child centred messages. Words are all I have, therefore any help to spread them is much appreciated.

So if you did vote for me, a heartfelt 'thank you'.

A wonderful and life affirming aspect of the press and online attention my work has received over the past few weeks has been the number of ex pupils who have contacted me to offer support, some state they knew they were different way back when we taught them in primary school. This experience resonates with my own and that of many of my LGBT peers, we knew very early on we were different.

On November 15th I led a training day (kindly the delegates evaluated it as 'outstanding' ) entitled 'Tackling Homophobic Bullying and Language' in my own school. Amongst the delegates were primary, secondary, newly qualified and supply teachers, parent governors and two ex pupils. The contributions of all in attendance were self reflective, constructive and positive. After over two years of outreach work leading up to the training, the presence of two ex pupils who cared passionately about tackling gender stereotyping, homophobic bullying and prejudice really was the icing on the cake. The next training date is March 20th and I hope again to see some familiar faces on the delegate list. Several delegates have since emailed me to tell me they are already driving forward positive change in their own contexts- good on them!

With a raised profile comes the likelihood of distractions and inevitably some hate. Already since the Pink List and the recent Guardian Online article about my work 'Homophobia is the Toughest Nut to Crack' I've wasted precious time fending off hate filled online trolls and negotiating requests and emails from people trying to pull me into political debates; debates which have no direct benefit upon the happiness, safety and life chances of all our children and generations of children to come. Note to myself; keep focussed on the job in hand.

Yesterday I had the privilege of attending a run through of the new Royal Court production 'Hero' by the EV Crowe. The highly talented cast, writer and director visited our school and observed a lesson led by myself around prejudice and the representation of a diverse range of role models (including gay teachers) in schools. Again I must pay tribute to the children, their mature and compassionate attitudes inspired the Royal Court team and EV Crowe enough to add a few additional moments of authenticity, to what is a highly though provoking and courageous piece of writing. To sit in a rehearsal room and see so many words and situations I have lived through brought to life was a moving and cathartic experience and one I shall never forget. How wonderful to have this experience in Anti-Bullying Week.

Children all over the country this week are celebrating their anti-bullying work and learning about the destructive impact of homophobic bullying and other forms of prejudice related bullying and discrimination. There is some fantastic work going on out there and many individuals, organisations and groups are working very hard to make life better for all our children. They deserve a time of focus and celebration, yet as school leaders we must never forget that an anti-bullying ethos must pervade our school communities every minute of every day.

Recently somebody said to me ' You do go on a lot about homophobic bullying don't you?'

'Yes I do' I replied.

Homophobic bullying affects attainment, attendance, mental and physical health and can result in the self harm or suicide of young human beings. It is absolutely clear that homophobic bullying is a child protection issue. I personally believe that any school leader who ignores a child protection issue, because of their own beliefs, their own prejudice, their lack of relevant training, their fear of causing offence or their fear of parental reprisal is laying all of their pupils open to harm.

I know I still have much to learn as a school leader, but I just can't accept that.]]>It Ain't Necessarily So (Or How Challenging Assumptions Might Just Make Things Better for Our Children)tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.19796262012-10-18T10:47:44-04:002012-12-18T05:12:02-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
Recently I delivered a presentation at the excellent Camden Anti-Bullying Conference, the theme of which was overcoming homophobic and transphobic bullying in schools. Over the past few years I have attended a number of such conferences, either as a speaker or as a delegate.

One of the things that pleased me about this particular conference was the number of delegates attending from faith schools or schools with a large faith based communities. Indeed the most moving presentation of the day came from a number of Muslim students, from a school with a 95% Muslim community, who spoke passionately about their faith, before sharing their superb LGBT history month presentation and anti-bullying work.

My work has always been driven by the need to make things better for all children in our schools and communities, and to this end I see no reason to adapt my messages or strategies to schools of faith. But what is interesting is the number of people I come into contact with, (professionals and non professionals) who express a closed view as to the potential for faith schools to want to tackle homophobic bullying.

Several times when talking about my work at teaching conferences, I have been approached by school staff who praise my work and then proceed to say discreetly that they could do nothing in their own school to tackle homophobic bullying for fear of offending pupils, staff, governors or parents of faith.

Similarly, when spending a recent weekend undertaking a mail shot to every school in Southwark to advertise our upcoming anti-homophobic bullying training days at Alfred Salter Primary School, a couple of friends expressed surprised to see me sending flyers to Catholic Schools.

It seems there are some people who assume that faith schools and their staff pupils and parents are all somehow homophobic themselves and would baulk at the very idea of fulfilling their statutory obligation in tackling homophobic bullying.

It would be naive of me to think that such opposition doesn't exist in some quarters and I have encountered it directly from a headteacher of a Catholic school who openly stated that she would not employ LGBT staff; but the polarisation of LGBT people and the varying faith groups that exist seems in some cases based upon assumption rather than experience. Some LGBT people I have met often seem to assume that we are all non believers or are somehow cast out from faith groups.

My work has brought me in contact with many LGBT people of faith and many people of faith who see the need to tackle homophobia and teach about LGBT people and their history. We need to be looking for such champions and building bridges between faith and LGBT communities. Wrongly held assumptions based on stereotype hinder this process and therefore impact upon our ability to make things better for ourselves and for our children.

I often reflect upon my first teaching job in Northampton, where as a man openly living with another man not of faith, I taught all of the Religious Education. I covered the six world religions, knowing at this challenging school RE was the lesson in which most pupils tended to misbehave. It was my job, as teacher to educate and inform in an unbiased manner and with as much relevance, interest and passion that I could. Some of the discussions around faith and the discussions around similarities and differences were so profound I can remember them with clarity fifteen years on.

I have a Catholic colleague in Leicestershire who sees it as the right of all pupils to know that LGBT people exist and that they are vulnerable to bullying. She delivers this information (with the approval of the head-teacher) in the knowledge that regardless of the views of the Catholic or any other faith, some of the children that come through her door will grow up to be LGBT and/or have LGBT family or friends.

The assumption that teaching around homophobia in schools will lead to a negative reaction, negative press or the lynching of the headteacher is simply not true, provided the work is undertaken in a strategic and transparent manner, with rationale, pupil voice data and statutory and moral obligations clearly communicated from the outset.

Of course there may be some parents, perhaps of faith or perhaps not, who may hold prejudice or misconceptions that the school is about to 'turn the kids gay;' or 'be teaching about gay sex'.

It is our job as school leaders to take on this challenge and be clear to the school community about the content and the benefits of this work and the implications for all children that not undertaking it will have on achievement, attendance and the physical and mental health of our children.

As teachers and school leaders we face regular parental challenge over such matters as the content of school lunch-boxes, school reports, pupil punishments and whether or not a child gets a large role in an end of year show.

To accept a role as a school leader means one has to be ready to accept and offer challenge even sometimes to OFSTED, in order to ensure we place the needs of our children first and make things better for all who live and learn within our schools.

This theme of assumptions has become a large part of my work around tackling homophobic bullying. One training session saw me ask teachers to brainstorm every variation on a family grouping that they could think of; these were then written on a what looked like a giant loo roll and was rolled out across the hall floor whilst we all stood around the edge with raised eyebrows.

I think we counted 30 types of family groups.

'My goodness, haven't we been making assumptions about where our children come from?' said a nursery nurse, as staff scurried off to audit the resources and images of family groups around the school to ensure they were representative....

Doing the work I do has made me somehow more attuned to noticing all forms of prejudice and discrimination, it has also allowed me a greater insight into how making assumptions can immediately throw up barriers to a development process.

In the case of work around tackling homophobia in schools, the positive impact upon generations of children yet to come is potentially so great, that schools need to be self aware and reflective in recognising where they may be making assumptions about all stakeholders in their communities, people of faith and LGBT people.

School also need to be empowering children in terms of recognising themselves where they are making assumptions and offering opportunities to challenge them with the whole school community.

One secondary pupil I met recently told me she had been on my website;

'I think it's great what you are doing, do you mind if I ask, did you always know you were gay?'

I replied that I always knew I was different and that I was attracted to men.

'So you never had a girlfriend then?' she asked

'Yes I had a few and then when I was 17 I was going to get engaged to an American girl' I told her.

She looked confused for a moment and asked:

'So are you bisexual then?'

I smiled at her and then said;

'Do you know what, the more I do this work, the more people I talk to, the more I realise what damage labels do to people. So nowadays I just like to think of myself as Shaun.'

I don't know if she knew what I meant, but I think she did. She placed her hand in my arm, gave me a huge smile and said 'keep up the good work' before walking back to her class-mates.

Like I said earlier, a privilege.]]>It Isn't Just LGBT Teachers That Care About Homophobic Bullyingtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.19072512012-09-23T11:14:47-04:002012-11-23T05:12:02-05:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
'Are you Shaun Dellenty?' she enquired with a slight reddening of the neck.

'Yes I am' I replied with a mouthful of an endangered local authority sandwich.

'I just wanted to say I think the work you are doing on homophobic bullying is really important. My school kids and my teenage sons say the word 'gay' in a bullying way all the time and I don't really know what to do about it. I really admire you for speaking out, but I have to confess I wouldn't feel able to discuss lesbian and gay people in my Year 6 class and I know my head-teacher is homophobic'.

I thanked her for her honesty and spent some time giving suggestions until we were called away to the dreaded after lunch graveyard slot.

But she got me thinking...

A teacher friend of mine, in the pub one night said to me;

'Stonewall, Schools Out, Elly Barnes, Shaun Dellenty......you are all trying to tackle the problems and you are all perceived as LGBT. When schools tackled racism surely it wasn't just black teachers and school leaders that tackled it? How many teachers in a school feel able to tackle racism and yet are too scared or uncomfortable to mention that LGBT people even exist? That's not right surely?'

I replied that over the years I had met school staff who, through lack of training avoided anything 'unpalatable'. Many teachers I have worked with over the years similarly avoid teaching sex education, because no investment in a strategic, consistent, national approach to training has been made, with serious consequences in terms of teenage pregnancy, rates of HIV infection and other STD infections.

Earlier this year I led a teacher training workshop at a conference with another school leader. Both our schools are known for celebrating diversity and adopting a pro-active approach to tackling homophobic bullying in order to raise standards. Over lunch we observed that we both get invited to speak at such events fairly regularly and that we both are openly gay school leaders; we wondered if schools with LGBT staff are more likely to undertake work to represent different families/LGBT people and adopt a zero -tolerance approach to homophobic bullying?

We both know of school staff, LGBT and heterosexual who undertake work around homophobia but we agreed that maybe the obvious 'champions' tend to be people or groups perceived as being LGBT or who are LGBT.

Over the past couple of years it has been my privilege to speak at various Stonewall and anti-bullying events. During this period of time I have gained a wider sense of what is going on in our schools. I have seen some excellent work and an increasing awareness from LGBT and heterosexual professionals that something more needs to be done in our schools to represent all pupils and their families and to ensure that the school community is free from bullying and pupils are prepared for their adult lives; whether they identify as gay, straight, trans, or anything else in between.

After leading such training in my own and other schools, I was surprised in terms of the number of people (staff and parents) who expressed a desire to see LGBT people better represented in our education system ('You never know, my child might grow up to be gay-at least I know if he comes to a school like this he will feel alright' said one parent) and who feel that the perjorative use of the word 'gay' within their own households and schools is damaging and prejudicial.

My experiences lead me to believe that there are many parents and school staff who really want to see these issues addressed for once and for all. Some of them are indeed LGBT, but many of them are not.

As we move into a new school year, I sincerely hope that a real range of parents and school staff will champion this work and see the benefits of it (apart from the fact that it is now a statutory obligation) as I genuinely believe it benefits the whole school community.

To further the message a wide range of school staff, pupils and parents need to stand up, to speak out, share their successes in these areas and to let schools know that they need to represent and celebrate all of their pupils, their families and provide a safe and respectful environment for the pupils in their care.

This year at my own school, Alfred Salter Primary School is especially exciting. Having undertaken for the last eighteen months training to enable schools to tackle homophobic bullying in a variety of educational contexts, we are, on November 15th, holding our first such training day onsite. (http://cpdnet.org/product/tackling-homophobic-bullying-language-in-schools) This makes us one of the few, if not the only primary school in the UK to act as a training centre for educationalists in tackling homophobic bullying as a means to raising standards for all pupils.

I hope that through such training we can inspire school leaders and staff to go on to great success within their own context and then similarly share this success with other education professionals.

I firmly believe that the structures are already in place for every school in this land to adopt a zero tolerance approach to homophobic bullying within five years. A dream? Maybe, but sometimes we need to dare to dream.

To make this dream happen, we need a wide range of educational role models and fully trained and informed people willing to take a stand for their sake of all the pupils in their care.

In short we need school staff across the land who care enough to put the children first.

Here's to a school year in which every child can be free to achieve their full potential and go on to achieve their dreams.

Once it's done, it's done.]]>Making a Big Deal of 'It'- Openly Gay Role Models and the Olympicstag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.17723242012-08-13T09:40:11-04:002012-10-13T05:12:11-04:00Shaun Dellentyhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-dellenty/
'Did you see that gay Olympian?' she asked, 'he's quite fit'

'No' her beau replied and after a couple of beats added;

'I don't mind it, but I don't see why they have to make a big deal about it, why can't they just be Olympians like everyone else?'

She thought for a moment;

'I dunno, maybe they have to'

Her beau raised an eyebrow slightly as if to say 'I hadn't thought of that'

And then, as if often the case in these situations, her gaze met mine, she studied me closely for a moment and then gave a slightly awkward, blushing smile before nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

This Jubilee line exchange for me holds a certain resonance.

Many times in my life friends and family have said told me that they don't have a problem with 'it' provided 'it' is a) kept private b) not flaunted c) not made a big deal of.

I still remember with heartbreaking clarity being told by somebody normally very lovely (and who knew I was gay) the day after the Admiral Duncan bombing, that death by nail bomb was to 'be expected' when 'they' flaunt themselves.

I have been a school leader since 2005. My identity as 'Shaun Dellenty who lives with a man' was certainly no secret, but I felt no great need or urge to be 'Shaun Dellenty the openly gay Deputy Headteacher'- but in 2010 I did start to be more openly gay to pupils and parents.

I am reminded again of the Jubilee Line exchange, the 'why do they make a big deal about it?' question. The simple answer to this of course, is that whether it be through religion, criminalisation, discrimination, execution, Holocaust or legislation, some people have already seen fit to make a very big deal out of 'it'. It strikes me as fairly obvious then, that those very same people who are made to feel in some cases unworthy of life itself, should at some point want to stand up and regain a sense of pride through authenticity of identity.

As a result of a combination of press attention and partly as a result of my own attempts to draw attention to the issue of homophobia in schools, I recently seem to have acquired the moniker of 'openly gay deputy head Shaun Dellenty.' I am certain that some people (including some gay people) will be asking 'why is he making such a big deal out of being gay?

Interestingly some people I talk to are of the opinion that matters of life, love and happiness are pretty rosy for gay people now, that 'things are much better than they were' (I hate to say it, but sometimes you really can almost hear a silent 'think yourselves lucky, you should be grateful' embedded just under the surface of this statement.)

So let it be said, yes, for many of us in this country, things have got better and of course we are grateful for that, particularly when at our Olympic Ceremony we have governments represented who would happily see a young gay person swinging by the neck from a tree surrounded by people hurling abuse.

But the pernicious legacy of religious prejudice, criminalisation, discrimination, execution, Holocaust and legislation will not go away overnight. In every corner of this land there is a young person questioning their emerging identity who sees and hears negativity associated with being LGBT. The majority of children in this country are hearing homophobic bullying on a daily basis and the majority of school staff either don't want to, or feel untrained to deal with it.

Growing up LGBT is tough, sometimes almost unbearably so. As a child growing up knowing I was gay from an early age, all I could find in the way of openly gay role models were stereotypes, gay people presented as figures of tragedy or exaggerated figures to be laughed at. Somehow back then, these figures made me fear what I knew I was growing up to be to an even greater degree.

How powerful would it have been for me to have an openly gay teacher, or to see openly gay Olympians being celebrated on the television, or to know that one day a man called Harvey Milk once stood up for what he believed in, in the same way that Rosa Parks made her stand against hate?

Children look for role models, they look for people to aspire to, to teach them what's positive and negative about themselves, to show them how dreams can be made real and to offer them hope for a greater variety of life choices than those provided by their family or socio-economic backgrounds.

Schools have a duty to present their pupils with a wide range of authentic role models, people that come from a range of diverse backgrounds and represent the kind of lives the diverse range of pupils sat in front of us in assembly might just grow up to have. Teachers, school leaders, school staff and school speakers can all provide excellent and highly relevant inspirational role models for pupils. Suran Dickson and her 'Diversity Role Models' see the benefit of this and are doing excellent work in placing a range of role models, some LGBT, in front of secondary school pupils. (http://diversityrolemodels.org/)

Many of us will remember teachers that talked about their husbands, wives, holidays, families and their interests; gay school staff (and yes gay Olympians)should have the same entitlement, there is nothing more private about being LGBT than there is about being heterosexual, to think otherwise is prejudicial and displays the misinformed view that being LGBT is purely a sexual act. There are public acts and private acts regardless of who we choose to love; as professionals I would like to think that the majority of school staff in this country are fairly clear on that.

To some people the whole notion of a 'gay child' seems unthinkable, but the truth as many school staff will tell you, is that we regularly see children who don't fit in with established gender stereotypes, or who are clearly questioning their emerging sexual identity.

For these questioning children, a successful and hopefully well liked openly LGBT member of school staff who is accepted, open and authentic at work, just might be the factor they need to reassure themselves that they can fully be accepting, open and happy about who they are. Ensuring ALL pupils can fulfil their potential is surely why we became teachers in the first place?

To the non questioning pupils, the presence of an openly gay member of school staff alongside a colleague of faith, or from a different cultural background, models cohesion and acceptance of difference, traits that surely all schools should be nurturing under the Equality Act 2010- and besides which makes simple common sense.

Mr Jubilee Line was right to question why some of us feel we even have to make being gay an issue, but being gay was made an issue for us; some of us now want to take small steps to try and repair some of the immeasurable damage done along the way. Along the way we lost young LGBT people and sometimes we still do; I may be naive but this fact in itself surely trumps any theological or philosophical debates we choose to have as grown ups? Surely we must place the needs of our kids first, or is that too much to ask?

If by being an openly gay role model in the form of an Olympian, a deputy headteacher, a vet, a shop assistant, a banker or a supportive older sibling you have the potential to inspire and provide the brilliant young people of today with a sense of hope that they can be accepted for whoever they are, then it is a role I recommend wholeheartedly.

And if openly gay role models on the national and global stage can show some government regimes and religious organisations that we deserve our place in humanity just as much as everyone else, then so be it.

Thank you to all of the sporting role models who made the 2012 Olympics such a wonderful experience and thanks to those lovely volunteers who kept London smiling.