Pamela Geller Wants a Walmart

Blogging dragon lady of doom Pamela Geller has redirected some of her hatred for the “Islamic supremacists” who run the State Department and the not-ground zero not-mega-mosque to a new source of anger: the illogical absence of a Walmart in New York City. She’s doing it for Lady Liberty– and for you, oppressed shoppers of the five boroughs!

“Perhaps if Wal-Mart proposes a store with a mosque on its two top floors looking down on the hallowed ground of Ground Zero they can get Gloomberg to ram it through and the taxpayers to fund it,” Geller writes, speaking on behalf of everyone who’s thought the same thing (everyone). She calls efforts to oppose Walmart “a political fraud, and dismisses the piles of individual and class-action lawsuits filed against the company over the years for gender discrimination, racial discrimination, and failing to pay workers their wages (among other things) as so much whining and complaining. Those litigious workers should have been paying Walmart for the privilege to work there (or shop there, if they were denied jobs, because of their brownness).

“The anti Wal-mart movements are dangerous,” Geller says. “Big union backed, this represents the tendency to move toward dictatorship policy and collectivism, and away from freedom.” Without Walmart, we’d all be singing songs about tractors and hydroelectric dams right now, just like the North Koreans. Give thanks to Sam Walton, our Great Leader.

“Who are these polticians. Who elected them out wardens?” Geller asks. She’s talking about Gloomberg, New York City Council Speaker Gloomtine Quinn, and all the other council gloombot “communists” who have turned New York City into a sprawling Marxist penitentiary (bodega is actually Castro-Cuban for “commissary”) by opposing America’s Retail Liberator. Almost makes a person want to flee to Cleveland or any of the other sixth boroughs, where Walmarts can set up shop and do the business of improving people’s lives by selling them $2 lead-painted televisions made in China (the second-freest place on Earth, after Bentonville, Arkansas)?

Seriously: these anti-communist liberty patriot bigot types who rally around the Walmart almost always forget to mention that their beneficent provider of all things cheap and easy depends on a centrally planned economy to survive. But whatever! Two-dollar televisions.

Mostly because she drinks the blood of unicorns, butterflies and tele-tubbies (non-union tele-tubbies). Taylor Swift draws them in with her singing, which also conveniently drowns out the anguished screams of the soon to be departed.

If she does not consume enough, however, her Technorati Rank implodes and she turns into Morton Downey Jr.. Tele-Tubbies and Walmart? Coincidence or locavore charnel house? A girl's gotta eat….http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZEMT7yKiIs