Looks like you've got a serious case of the "fuck it"s. It's ok, it happens to all of us. I understand losing your willingness. It's a horrible feeling...

You made the distinction, Charlie, between a slip and a relapse. Well, let me tell you, there is no difference. Know why? Because all any of us has is Today, This Moment, Right Now. There's no such thing as relapse, there is just "Are you slipping now? How about now? What about now? Did you slip now? You gonna slip now?" Every moment that you don't slip, you are abstinent. When you slip, you lose that abstinence. You need to make a decision, Charlie. From this moment (if you are eating something not abstinent right now, stop. Just stop. Now. Just for this moment STOP!) you are abstinent. You are abstinent RIGHT NOW as you are reading this. The decision you have to make RIGHT NOW Charlie, is to NOT LOSE YOUR ABSTINENCE RIGHT NOW. Just for this moment. And now the moment has passed. And now in this moment, DO NOT LOSE YOUR ABSTINENCE! Just for this moment... and now the moment has passed. That is all you have to do Charlie. And it is so hard not to string the time together and lose track and lose sight of each individual minute, but that is what we have to do. We who suffer from the disease of addiction have to remember moments like other "normal" people can get away with ignoring. Sometimes it really really sucks. But you know... I think overall it's a blessing. How many Normals routinely make the effort to experience every minute of their lives and to be grateful for it? Our lives depend on it. In that sense, we are the lucky ones.

I'm with you Charlie, and so is God. God loves you even when you forget to take His hand. He's still reaching out to you. And when you have one hand in mine and one hand in God's, you have no free hands to pick up.

I wish you an abstinent weekend and look forward to hearing from you. :)

-g"

Today I celebrate the 12th Step - "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive overeaters, and to practice these principles in all our affairs" - with great gratitude to G. and to my sponsor. And to anyone else who carries the message by reading or commenting here on my blog, calling or emailing me, or sharing in O.A. meetings. You all are awesome, and I am so grateful for you.

Charlie's Been Abstinent...

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Are You a Compulsive Overeater?

Here are some questions to ask yourself. The only requirement to become a member of Overeaters Anonymous is a desire to stop eating compulsively.

1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?