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What Not To Wear: Staying Alive In America

Geraldo Rivera made headlines when he suggested Trayvon Martin’s death was the result of his choice of clothing. To help keep my fellow Americans safe, I created this list of clothes you probably shouldn’t wear if you don’t want to be gunned down in the middle of the night for no reason…

I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was….

But I’ll bet you money, if he didn’t have that hoodie on, that nutty neighborhood watch guy wouldn’t have responded in that violent and aggressive way…..

It’s those crime scenes, surveillance tapes, every time you see someone sticking up a 7-11 the kid is wearing a hoodie, every time you see a mugging on a surveillance camera or they get the old lady in the alcove it’s a kid wearing a hoodie. You have to recognize that this whole stylizing yourself as a gansta, you’re gonna be a gangsta wanna be? Well people are going to perceive you as a menace. That’s what happens. It is an instant reflexive action

—Geraldo Rivera

The bottom line is: We should all be far more aware of how our clothes are represented in the media, whether it’s on the news, a movie or any other outlet.

That’s why I put together this nifty DO NOT WEAR list to help keep you safe from becoming a victim! Wouldn’t want your clothes to scream “I’m guilty! Murder me!”, now would ya?

10. Everyday Attire/ Blue Collar Clothes

You’ll have to excuse the blood in this image—the REAL evidence of being up to no good is definitely the outfit he’s wearing. Why are you trying to look so ordinary Mr. Doe? What exactly are you hiding, you fuckin’ punk?

Don’t be a fool: those “regular” people that live next door are definitely killing and eating humans. Just look at those “I’m not trying to stand out” clothes they’re wearing. It’s probably better to just assume they’re cannibals and put them down before they have you over for dinner.

And the worst possible thing ever to wear ever…

13. Hoodies

Wearing a hoodie is like wearing a sign that says “I’m up to no good, shoot me!”

It’s literally the worst thing you can wear, because it signifies automatic guilt. Here we have two seemingly innocent guys wearing hoodies a.k.a. Target signs. Who knows what they are up to? What are they planning? They look like they’re on drugs or something…

Appropriate Only: when it’s raining out, or you’re at a track meet

Takeaway

This is just a short list of clothing that has some sort of negative image attached to it through the news, media, movies and more. There are countless other outfits that I recommend you not wear, as to not draw unnecessary attention to yourself. If you choose to wear any of these clothes, remember, you are willfully accepting any and all morals of any bad individual that ever did anything bad or dangerous while wearing one.