Question

What should I do if my baby is more attached to her nanny than to me?

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My 7-month-old is bonding with our nanny so strongly that at night she cries for her. This is really upsetting for my husband and me. I spend a lot of time with our daughter -- I give her breakfast, bathe her, and play with her for one to two hours every day. I'm worried that she's more attached to her nanny than she is to us. What should I do?

Mom Answers

It is all about decisions. Sometimes you do not have the option to stay home but you also have to look at the whole picture. My husband is in the USMC and I stay home, we live wonderfully. Are there things we wouold like? Sure..I think no matter how much money you have you always want more. But no one will remember how much money or things you have, however your kids will remember who was there for them.

hi....its not a big dealt if we give our child to her / his nanny to look after because its your mom too isn't. so if your mom love your daughter / son she must be love them as much as she love you. whyy not????? one things is you must give your daughter/son a very good attention and support them when there needed.

I had a nanny for the first year of my son Nicholas' life (he's now 2 1/2 yrs old). Have you considered trying to find a job so you could work from home one to two days out of the week? That helped me, that way me/nanny were able to co-feed Nicholas his lunch and both of us took him out for a stroll. I would also advise spending at least 15 mins. a day one-on-one with your little one doing whatever he/she wants to do...that strenghtens the bond as well.

Of course your child is bonding with the nanny. Babies and toddlers don't intuitively understand that you are the Mommy and the nanny is hired help. All she understands is that the person she is spending time with and getting her emotional and physical needs met from is the nanny. She probably actually sees you as more of a baby sitter. It's good that you can have a nanny instead of institutionalized daycare and your selection must have been good since the baby is so attached. Healthy babies MUST bond primarily to one person. Switching that person out is not something the baby will understand and can cause lifelong attachment problems. If being your child's mother is important to you then you need to be the one doing that and you need to start RIGHT NOW. You probably spend more time in the car every day than you do with your child. She is only a baby for a little while and most of her significant attachments and bonding will be formed in the first two years of her life. Both she and you are missing out on something that you will never get again and that will impact both of your lives and your relationship forever. You either need to step up to the plate as the primary caregiver or accept that the nanny is the one she loves best and be prepared to keep that nanny in your child's life for a very long time. Don't be selfish enough to undermine your baby's security and attachment unless you intend to take the nanny's place. Make a choice and don't feel guilty because you can't have it all--no woman really can, no matter what the magazines say. It was your choice to have a baby, so you should be willing to make whatever sacrifice necessary for her well-being, even if that means giving over 1st place to someone else, if you aren't willing to do the things needed to be that person.

Oh brother! I meant that I was in a better position financially, for me to stay at home, then the 'proud to be working'. It wasn't a comment directed to everyone else in this world. 'Proud" stated what kind of financial postion she was in, I was not saying anything else with that comment, read what you want into it though.
I'm not stirring any pot. you are by jumping down my throat because of a comment I directed to someone else because of the harsh words she used in her posts.
think about that.

To respond to your comment "working and proud of it". I wonder why you added.. "HIS kids" you obviously have some stereo typical idea of what stay at home moms are like are you suggesting that because I stay at home that I must be a woman who is alone or has many children from different men? It another ridiculous comment! That doesn't deserve a response though you seem to be trying to attack my character. You don't know me, my husband is home with US every night and weekends!! he plays with his kids and he's an excellent father and husband! .. what are you talking about? is that another problem your expressing in your own life, since you felt the need to explain what your husband does and how he always works away.. this has nothing to do with him?? weird though how your insecurities have come out this way maybe you should call your husband up if you can get a hold of him and make an appointment to talk about that. ha ha..
AND I have walked a mile in your shoes.. I worked before I had children as a CEO of my company for many years.. I have worked and so have most people what you do is nothing special at all everyone will do what you do at some point! BIG deal!! though YOU have not stayed at home with your child the way I have.. so you in FACT don't know what your talking about.. and when I said 'Walk a week in my shoes' I meant it, it wasn't some old cliche.
I'm not 'defensive' the way you see it, but it obviously needs to be EXPLAINED to someone like YOURSELF. You have no idea how I feel or what I'm thinking... Not only are you judgemental of SAHM you even have the gall to assume how I feel..
get back to work! ha ha.. sitting at your desk! I have more important things to do. Like playing with my KIDS :P

This may not be what you want to hear. Do the math, if your baby is spending more waking (interactive) hours with her nanny, then of course she's becoming attached to her. My advice, downsize your lifestyle and go to work part time or stay home. These years before your children head off to school are precious and fleeting. Don't waste them!!!

I dont mean to be harsh but is it at all possible for you to stay home? Can you think about what you need and get rid of what you dont. My husband does not ahve a huge income but I stay home and we only get what we need, no fancy cars or clothes, no prepared meals or eating out, etc and I can stay home with my 5 kids. I have a feeling you are looking for people to reassure you that it is ok and this will pass. But I think there is a serious problem when a child is not attached to his/her parents but to someone who is paid to watch him/her. That poor confused child!!!! If you cant raise your own kids, why have them? Hang out with neices and nephews or volunteer with kids for those 2 hours. If you do have kids and want to work instead of raise them and they get attached to the person who is there 8 hours, not 2, dont be shocked. 2 hours is NOT enough time to raise your child!!! You cant give both your work and your child 100% of your life and kids dont deserve less than 100%.

Wow ok, I feel for this mother. Many mothers need to work to make ends meet and when a child is very young they are going to make bonds with their primary care provider. That is, the person that they spend most of their day with. This is just the way it is. They will eventually outgrow it and know who their parents are, form bonds and be fine. Having said that, shame on you women who sterotype SAHM's as lazy or somehow not as intelligent or worthy as working moms. YOU have no idea what you are talking about. Many SAHM's are educated and CHOSE to stay home with their kids. How dare you imply that their daughters will not respect them as much or that they are all bitter, resentful people. If their daughters do not respect them for being their moms and nurturing them, it will be because of women like YOU beating it into their heads that their only value in this world is through a paycheck. Shame on you back for degrading full time motherhood.

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