I count it all as loss

Philippians 3:7–9But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith – that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

One of the songs at church this weekend really hit me.

Surrender by Lincoln Brewster

I’m giving you my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King
I’m giving you my dreams, I’m laying down my rights
I’m giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you
And I surrender all to you, all to you

Although this isn’t the first time I have seen this verse or heard this line, it is the first that I even come close to understanding the sacrifice it calls for. In the past I had thought about giving up my personal possessions, my parents, my husband and all of it seemed tough. But I knew that it would all be worth it if I had to. The pain would be terrible, but I would have Christ.

But today I see so much more of this verse. The clarity s blindingly painful. My sweet innocent little boy, my tender child. To count him as loss? To count him as rubbish? How could I? I never fully understood the magnitude of this. I’m sure I still don’t but I am closer than I was.

…and I may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death…

I have never pretended to know that I would share in His suffering. I never thought I could even come ever so slightly close to understanding His suffering. But Christ demands it. Demands that He be put first, you leave it all behind. I walked in ignorant bliss and now I see more clearly. I see that I have gotten it wrong, that I missed the point. I never really understood how terrible his sacrifice must have been.