Too Sexy For Your Love

May 15, 2011

Indian men - the real sex gods. You heard it here first.

There’s this myth that has been doing the rounds for some time which I will proceed today to dispel.

Indian men are not sexy.

I have no idea about the origin of this myth but I am sure it’s been around a long time. It was already prevalent during colonial times and the trip Gandhi made to London in his loincloth didn’t help the image much either.

Now, that’s not to say Gandhi wasn’t sexy. He was. No man who isn’t sexy can have the confidence to meet the English Prime minister in his underwear. That man was sexy and he knew it.

Thing is, if you actually think about it you will realize how stupid one has to be to believe this biased allegation on my Indian brethren.

We all know that Indian women are considerd as the most beautiful in the world. They have won beauty contests, acted in movies and are lusted by men / women of all races. (I am whichever-way-you-swing supportive).

Further proof can be derived from the sheer number of porn sites that will open up if you Google 'desi girls'. I myself have verified this as research for the post.

Now consider this.

Enquire on whom 90% of these Indian women will marry?

Indian men.

Case closed. Bara boom Bara bam.

I know the existence of certain rumors regarding the character of an Indian man. I am shocked by the generalization of a whole population due to the flaws of a few. Nevertheless, let me take the time to make you see it from another perspective.

Rumor 1: Indian men treat their women badly.

This in my opinion adds an edge to the Indian men. We are the Rhett Butlers of the world. Now we all know that women tend to sway more towards men who treat them bad. Don’t ask me why they do it, but they do. Ask any of those nice guys who finished last.

Rumor 2: Indian men do not know how to pleasure a woman.

What!? Man, you are talking about the guys who invented sex. We created religions around it. We have even given the world the maximum number of possible permutation and combinations for doing it. So in the midst of all this wonderful research for the benefit of humankind, we kind of missed the clitoris and the g-spot. Big deal. The maximum pleasure for a woman is in pleasuring a man. It is written.

Rumor 3: Indian men are all mamas’ boys.

I fail to see the problem here. The last I heard there’s no way papa can give birth.

Rumor 4: Indian men are horny.

Of course they are. You try living in a country where your women are declared as the most beautiful in the world!

Rumor 5: Indian men lust after white women.

Actually, this is true and the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of the western media. Until an average Indian man reaches adulthood, the only naked women he has seen would have been white women. This is thanks to the prevalent western porn industry that caters to our collective Indian lust. Moreover our Indian national pledge has made us feel a little incestuous in having any 'dirty' thoughts about our Indian sisters. So that kind of leaves only white women for our fantasies. This problem, however, is normally cured by marriage to a nice Indian girl from a good family selected by the mother.

I have observed, in my years of study on sex and its relevance in Indian society, that there are basically

3 types of Indian men. They can be termed as:

1. ‘T’ man.

These are the ones who have been stereotyped by all mallu naughty movies as the master of the house, or the son of the master of the house who is always staring down the blouse of Shakeela chechi (playing the maid sweeping the floor). They can also be recognized by their inability to have a conversation with a woman without their eyes dropping 6 inches below her eyes. 'T-men are just grown version of a boy who has not been weaned yet. Fascination towards an anatomical part of the female body whose sole function is to provide nutrition to its young cannot be termed in any other way than being the result of an early weaning.

2. ‘A’ man.

This species can be found on all Indian Public transport services. In their highly active stage they can be found groping, pinching, touching the derriere of Indian women who are unfortunate enough to catch their attention. In their normal state, these are Indian men whose attitude towards sex is normal and focused on procreation. They wear their intention on their zip. Women are advised not to drop anything in front of these guys; worse trying to pick it up.

3. The T&A man.

A balanced individual. Indian version of a metro man. To this man the only criterion is that the focus of his passion just has to be a woman. Nothing else matters. What can be sexier than that?

For the Indian men reading this, a simple test to determine your type. View the image at the top of the page.

If you saw boobs, you are type 1

If you saw a half exposed pair of buns, you, my friend, are a type 2.

If you saw boobs and wondered what her arse is like - type 3

If you closed your eyes when you saw the picture, then my son, you are way too young to be googling 'Indian cleavage'.

Thanks for providing this classy description of sexy Indian men for late comers.

@tys. I crashed my face nose first right into the cleveage. Now face looks like all xxxx. To which group do I belong and don't say it loud,my old lady is watching me.

By praveen

07.12.11 03:53 PM

one word to describe the article tys bhai: speechless.

By latha

27.08.11 03:00 PM

How sad indian men.

Maybe, you must take a stand by now and ask the girl to show her naked body to you instead of testing her cooking skills, dancing/singing skills etc.

To begin with, start with your own family.--mama boys and papa's beloveds.

boys boys who cannot and would not go against parents to support those poor Indian girls.

Talking about bedroom. You men are great sex makers. learn to love too.

By Kai

03.08.11 09:41 PM

Great post.
But Gandhi did ruin it for us!

By tys

16.05.11 10:23 AM

@khuram: duly noted.

@g2: hve u read all of them? Man, u r patience personified.

@anon: i blame the women...if only they gave themselves to us more easily..oh, i forgot , we are the same people who piled them with our fears of people like us and covered thm frm head to toe and made them b guilty abt natural emotions...anon, u forget tht for men to have sex, they need likeminded partners who want to do it with them...its not lack of sex merely unacceptance of it tht is the problem.

@sanju : a beholder! :)

@alfie: :) too lil in the mind u mean.btw, i hve no control over the pics. I comes frm a greater source, the one tht wears turbans and hve no use for aftershave. Ur uncles sounds cool...perhaps some mallu blood somewhere? The lungi, old age and constant fixation on jii spot was a dead give away.

By Alfred Jones

16.05.11 04:21 AM

Tys,

Funny! Okay, so now you've put up pics of an about-to-be-enema'd ass, and, a woman's tits in two consecutive pieces. I know what type that makes you, someone with a lot on his mind ;-) Admit it though, this piece was just a ruse to put up that Chesterton picture wasn't it?

I don't know what Indian men you're talking about but I've had grey haired, lungi clad, unclejis lecture a teenaged version of me about the wonders of a woman's you-know-what and her ji-spot. ("ji-spot", get it?)

These chats would begin with the customary, "I say, hopeless fellow. Let me tell you something vokay.". It took me a full second to pick my jaw up off the floor and look at my father for help. He of course, would've developed an intense interest in the newspaper just at that time. In other words, desi guys know, thank you very much.

~alfred

By Sanju

15.05.11 09:54 AM

My result: Type 3 - T & A.

By anon

15.05.11 09:46 AM

The truth is, most Indian men are sexually starved. In fact, they don't have any type of physical contact with women till the first night after marriage. In such a situation, is there is any surprise about the 'A' phenomenon! Compare this with western cultures, where you can easily take a girl out on a date, and where every guy has danced in close contact with a girl before college, and well, once in college, you wouldn't have do go outside your dorm or fraternity to satisfy your thirst for sex. And there's the sex ratio problem in India.