Semester 2

Sierra MJenny McKenzieReflection 5/27/16

This year for freshman there was only one Spanish class available, specifically Spanish one. I have a somewhat unique background in Spanish language, my family is Argentine but I’ve only spoken to most of them once when I was 8. We don’t speak Spanish in my home, neither of my parents are fluent. I guess you could say that Spanish is in my blood but I never necessarily spoke it consistently. I did however have on and off once or twice a week spanish classes for nearly nine years. I’m not entirely sure what it was, a part of me wants to say it’s because the language is in my blood purely for the romanticism of that statement. All of the classes I’d taken in the past had been one level, and I was going a little crazy from “learning” what were essentially the same concepts year after year after year. However I didn’t want to go a year without Spanish lest I lose what little bit of the language I had. So I advocated for a placement test, which was created and which I completed. It ended up that I got an independant study program, which I was VERY excited about. I wanted to forge my own paths and seek out opportunities for speaking and reading and immersing myself in Latin culture. I had never been more eager for a Spanish class in all my life. During the first semester, things went okay. I felt like I was learning a lot, I was having near fluent conversations with the Spanish speaking people in my school and workplace. I was using Duolingo to help myself learn and dissect the structure behind just the communication aspects which seemed to come somewhat naturally to me. So I was learning, I was speaking, I was watching TV shows in Spanish, and I finally reached the goal I had set for myself at the tender age of 8- I nearly surpassed my mother in Spanish fluency. People at work were asking me for help as a translator, and my friends and family were also coming to me for help with translations. But I still wasn’t doing all of the things I needed to to fulfill my weaknesses concerning grammar, reading, and writing. I had a book that I was supposed to read, that I kind of brushed off because I liked Duolingo and speaking so much better. I passed the first semester, but there were still holes that needed filled. Second semester was a different story. I was still kind of doing things, but I noticed I wasn’t really getting points for Duolingo. Probably because it wasn’t giving me everything that I needed. Now I had a list of things that I had to do and deadlines by which I had to do them, instead of the sheet where I filled out things that I had done. I had another book, I got more into this one, but I still didn’t do much as far as reading and the chapter summaries that I was supposed to do. My grade fell and fell until I had an 8%. This is when my parents got involved, all of my grades were suffering. All that I remember from this time is feeling sluggish and having no motivation for anything school related. I just wanted to sleep or watch TV. I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t want to read or work or do anything. Just rest. Once my parents got involved, we had a meeting with my teachers and I broke down. I don’t fully understand what was happening to me during those months, but I didn’t feel myself at all. I was totally apathetic and indifferent to anything. I knew in my head that I had to do something, but I couldn’t make the emotional connection to spur the actions. And most of all, I just didn’t have the energy. To work or to care enough to even try. Unfortunately I didn’t return to enough of myself until it was too late to do anything other that scrape by with varying levels of Cs for nearly all my classes. Aside from the aforementioned reasons involving fatigue and a weird complacent “don’t care about anything” period (for which my only explanations entertain the notions that I was abducted by aliens, or drugged, or was on the receiving end of an unfortunate spirit transfer without my knowledge...I honestly have no idea what happened to me. It was wildly out of character), I came up with a few other possible reasons for my laziness in Spanish specifically. After a deep and thorough soul search (the part of my soul concerning Spanish classes at least), I came up with the following possibilities. Number one: Spanish classes have always been easy for me in the past. I was always the kid who zoned out, didn’t study or pay attention in class, and still received 100% or higher on almost every quiz, exam, and piece of homework I received. So despite the fact that I had wanted and requested a more challenging program, actually getting it was a bit of a culture shock. Reason number two: As I said before, I wasn’t interested in the reading or writing or grammar. I knew I needed it, but it wasn’t fun like the speaking, or like Duolingo which felt almost like a game. The reading and writing and grammar just didn’t hold my interest, which was unfortunate seeing as that’s what I needed to get better at and also what I was being graded on. The final reason is that even though they were easy, the speaking and the Duolingo felt like I was learning Spanish. I feel like my body kind of made a subconscious connection between work and points, even though it wasn’t the work I was actually supposed to be doing. So I felt like I’d done something, and as a result I didn’t want to do more and was very upset when my grade didn’t pick up even though I hadn’t actually done anything to make it. I wish that I had just buckled down and done what I knew I had to do. I wish that I’d put more effort into figuring out and solving whatever caused that weird state of apathy that swallowed nearly four months of my life. I wish that I’d talked to my parents, teachers, or maybe Arva about how I was feeling so I could get help. That was a scary time for me, I didn’t understand what was happening, I could see my academic career collapsing around me, and I couldn’t bring myself to do anything or even to care. However despite the hardships and things that I really wish I’d done differently this year, I am grateful for it in a way since it taught me so much about myself. To name a few, I’m bad at organizing, I hate hard work, and I can spiral into a funk with no apparent cause. Next year if I am faced with these issues, now I know how to handle them. I am confident that I will be able to swallow my pride and ask for help should I fall into that state of grey again, and I’ll be able to push through and focus on the more difficult things that I actually need to do prior to the more fun things that may be more appealing to me. In conclusion, this year has kind of been like jumping into freezing water, and taking too long to realize that I should have asked for a wetsuit, choosing instead to ignore the cold that was actually beginning to damage me. The “wetsuit” that I plan to use next year is to watch myself more carefully and consciously, and asking someone (most likely my mom) to hold me accountable if I feel myself slipping again. I won’t say that I’ll never make mistakes again or that I’ll be a perfect student from now on, but I can confidently say that I will not let myself slip that far in the future.

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Independent Study

This year for Spanish I am doing an independent study because Spanish 1 is the only Spanish available to freshman, and I tested out. So instead I read chapter books, answer questions, and do Duolingo (a language learning site that moves at your pace), as well as log everything that I do as far as speaking goes in a document that my teacher and I both have access to.