Comment history

I was 28 years old and my husband and I were anxiously, excitedly, awaiting the arrival of our second child. I was very happy with my OB-GYN and was going to all my prenatal care visits. During my seventh month the nurses and doctor said they were "having difficulty" hearing fetal heartbeat and that the baby wasn't "as active" as they would like, but don't worry and come back next week for a recheck. I was scared, and prayed a lot, but wasn't discouraged. The next week they told me that my baby was dead. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. Doctor told me that my body would naturally abort the fetus, "in God's time". I'll never forget that phrase. Two weeks later I still appeared to be pregnant, but just could not bear being in public, for all the world to see, our child never to be born. Three weeks later the doctors confirmed that the fetal tissues and skeleton was collapsing, Still we were waiting for "God's Time". After five weeks I pleaded with my doctor to take this decaying mass from my body. He explained that it would be a violation of his Catholic faith to do so, just continue praying. As I was also Catholic, I understood why he held that position against abortion, yet it didn't seem justified. I would continue to pray.

After almost seven and a half weeks I went into septic shock (blood poisoning) and almost died. The reason for the septic shock was obvious to the ER physicians, I was carrying a decaying mass in my uterus, waiting for "God's Time". I had blood transfusions, and consented to an abortion.

Needless to say I was a heartbroken, physical and emotional wreck. I needed to and tried to talk with my pastor, he refused to speak with me because I'd consented to an abortion, the circumstances (I was told by his secretary) made no difference.To this day, I still feel pangs of guilt when I hear the abortion discussions. While I could rationalize that I had an abortion to save my life, I also know that I should have had an abortion as soon as fetal death had been confirmed. "God's time" brought me to the brink of death.

Years later, I reflect on the lesson I have learned and wish that other could comprehend it. There are many reasons why a woman may elect to abort, some not so obvious to the public. Those reasons maybe selfish and self serving, and there are yet other reasons that are none of my business. I can not and should not judge another's motives. I leave that to God.

My doctor's blind adherence to his religious beliefs almost cost me my life. Advocates who declare that abortion is not an element of women's health are promoting the same-misguided and uninformed notion.

Every time I'm exposed to the abortion controversy I'm reminded of the child I lost and how close I came to my own death, I can't begin to tell you how painful it is to rip open that wound.