Rounding out the Hertz season is one of the all-time classics of the American Theater. When you look at the touchstone plays of the twentieth century, situated next to Death of a Salesman is David Mamet’s shocking tragicomedy Glengarry Glen Ross. Few theatrical experiences can rival this 1984 Pulitzer Prize winning masterpiece.

This is rock-and-roll theatre at its finest. Mamet’s mastery of rhythm and language scorches the stage, leaving the audience breathless. Up close and personal on the intimate Hertz Stage, this play is the first time Mamet has been produced at the Alliance and packs an emotional wallop unlike any other.

Only the strong survive in David Mamet’s scorching masterpiece of big-money schemes and high-stakes deals. Set in the ruthless world of real estate, a group of salesmen lie, cheat and connive – all to close the big deal.

Editor’s note: For the purposes of the following dialog, here is a family-friendly pronunciation key:
f#$%in’ / f#$% should both be pronounced like “Durn,” as in “Those Durn Yankees.”
p@@$$y should be pronounced like “Kitty,” as in “Kitty tastes good with teriyaki sauce.”
as$%^&le should be pronounced like “Noble,” as in “I am As Noble as can be.”

Thank you, and if the following offends any of you in any f#$%in’ way, GOOD!

You: Tell me about …

Me: You want me to tell you …

You: Yeah, y’know, I want to know …

Me: You wanna know about what?

You: About this show …

Me: THIS show?

You: This show, you know, “Glengarry Glen Ross?”

Me: You want ME to tell YOU about this f#$%in’ “Glengarry …”

You: Yeah, that show, “Glengarry …

Me: “ … Glen Ross,” that show?

You: Yeah, that show.

Me: Well, it’s f#$%in’ brilliant?

You: Brilliant?

Me: What the f#$% did I just say? What are you, a f#$%in’ jagoff ….

You: Do you have to use that word?

Me: What f#$%in’ word?

You: That word?

Me: What f#$%in’ word?

You: You know …

Me: I know?

You: Yeah, you know …

Me: Well, how the f#$% should I know? Do I look like a f#$%in’ mindreader? Do I look like I’m from f#$%in’ Wisconsin?

You: Come on, you know …

Me: F#$% you! I’m not “Coming” anywhere with you or f#$%in’ “Coming” near you or even f#$%in’ “Coming” on you. Just tell me the f#$%in’ word you don’t want me to f#$%in’ use!

Me: You f#$%in’ don’t. But if you like plays about f#$%in’ guys, manly f#$%in’ guys, on the edge, on the ever-lovin’ God-cracked f#$%in’ edge, trying to get through f#$%in’ life with a little f#$%in’ dignity, this is one you can’t f#$%in’ miss.

You: It’s manly?

Me: What the f#$% kinda question is that? “Is it manly?”

You: I just want to know ..

Me: Know what?

You: Well what’s the manliest thing you’ve ever done?

Me: You want to know the manliest thing I’ve done?

You: You, the manliest thing you’ve done. The manliest thing you do.

Me: Why should I f#$%in’ tell you?

You: Why not?

Me: I listen to f#$%in’ Show Tunes. Is that f#$%in’ manly enough for you?

You: Well …

Me: What else do you want to know?

You: Do they say …

Me: So they say what?

You: You know.

Me: How many f#$%in’ times do I have to f#$%in’ tell you, I don’t know. Speak your mind, Jagoff!

You: Never mind.

Me: You’re such a p@@$$y!

You: You say that like an insult.

Me: A what?

You: An insult.

Me: A what?

You: A f#$%in’ insult!

Me: Watch your language, there are young people on this site.

You: F#$% You!

Me: Not so f#$%in’ nice now, are you?

You: Okay Okay, I’m an as$%^&le. Tell me about the actors.

Me: The actors?

You: Yeah, the actors.

Me: What actors?

You: You know …

Me: Don’t start …

You: .. the ones in “Glengarry …”

Me: Oh the actors!

You: Yeah, tell me about them.

Me: Well, they’re all Atlanta actors …

You: All of them?

Me: Yeah, all of them …

You: This is at the Alliance?

Me: Yeah, the Hertz Stage …

You: And they’re all Atlanta Actors?

Me: All of them!

You: F#$% me!

Me: Yeah, f#$% you!

You: Are they any good?

Me: They’re astonishing good.

You: What?

Me: They’re f#$%in’ brilliant!

You: Why didn’t you say so?

Me: I did.

You: Alright, you did. Who are they?

Me: Chris Kayser is “Shelley.” Starts off kind of slow, but when he hits his f#$%in’ stride, he’s f#$%in’ incredible. Joe Knesevich did a great job with the as$%^&le role. David de Vries was a f#$%in’ scream as that f#$%in’ foul-mouth Moss.

You: What about Roma?

Me: Neal Ghant. Interesting choice. He f#$%in’ nailed every moment like it was a f#$%in’ Piedmont Street Hooker. Brik Berkes did the mark, you know the p@@$$y. Best f#$%in’ work I’ve seen on that part. I could pick on Larry Larson’s Aaronow, but only because be made f#$%in’ choices that were more intersting than I did when I played the f#$%in’ part.

You: You were Aaronow?

Me: Fourteen f#$%in’ years ago.

You: God, you’re old.

Me: Bite Me!

You: So it’s a good play?

Me: It’s a good play.

You: But is it a GOOD play?

Me: It’s a f#$%in’ brilliant play with f#$%in’ brilliant actors in a f#$%in’ brilliant production.

Yeah, I shoulda defined "jagoff" for you as some bozo said it's an offensive word and should cause my posting to be deep-sixed. Here's my definition:

JAGOFF: One whose thoughts and comments go off in abrupt and cranky directions. From the Old Chicago Dialect of Middle English "Zizaggen Jigjagger," or, "That which follows a serpentine course with abrupt and cranky changes of direction."

Mamet may disagree.

-- Bradoff

by TheaterReview

f#$%in’ high-larious.

And you call youself an English Major? by line!

You misspelled f#$%in' - it should have been f#$%*in2 (from the old English fu-2, meaning to share your good fortune).

Great review! I laughed my f#$%in’ a$$ off!
-Rial

Thanks by Dedalus

Thanks for the kind f#$%in’ words. You've obviously fallen victim to the error-prone 1995 edition of the OED. Check out the corrected 2004 edition, and you will see my f#$%in’ spelling is correct.

By the way, would I have gone too far (not that I EVER go too far) if I had added the following usage note to my "Jagoff" definition?

"Often used affectionately, as in 'When Mr. O'Reilly gets riled up, he can be a bit of a Jagoff.'"