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Dinner Party Cheat Sheet was always fond of John Gotti. The former head of the Gambino family always made eating out fun – just ask Paul Castellano.

HIGH WIRE

The feds just won’t let John Gotti, who died this week from cancer in a Missouri federal prison, rest in peace. They drew guns on family members trying to claim the mobster’s body and they performed an autopsy against the wishes of the Dapper Don’s relatives. Next the FBI will ask God if it’s OK to tap the afterlife.

FUNNY NUMBERS

City teachers this week got a 16-to-22 percent pay raise. Newly certified teachers are now convinced that their yearly salaries will go from $31,910 to $387,654.

COLE-SLAY

An out-of-control cole-slaw chopping machine, which sent a blade airborne, killed one man and injured three others at a downtown noodle factory. The shop’s thinking about calling the latest product “Chop You-ey.”

CLASS PARTICIPATION

Pinellas Park HS in Tampa, Fla., recently dedicated four pages of their yearbook to five pregnant students. High school officials say they couldn’t afford the fifth page because that money has been set aside to fund next year’s sex-ed classes.

STRAIGHT STORY

Westchester County Bishop James McCarthy resigned this week after admitting to having sexual relations with women. Said one church official: “Hey, we’re just psyched he digs chicks.”

MAJOR WOODY

Woody Allen and his former business partner Jean Doumanian reached a settlement after the director took her to court. Allen had alleged the movie producer skimmed some money from seven flicks he made from 1993 to 2000. Woody now plans to live a life of luxury off the staggering profits of “The Curse of the Jade Scorpion.”