Some say The Allman Brothers live under his helmet, where they'll rouse you from slumber by playing "Jessica," and that he projects the time on the wall using spheres of hot gas from Alpha Centauri. All we know is it's The goddamn Stig Projector Alarm Clock.

I'm not sure how I'd feel about having The Stig watching me sleep, but either way, this is no doubt a step up from my current clock radio, which I've had since the seventh grade. Of course, it's probably made in China and takes 3 AA batteries, but at least it's sort of reasonably priced at 40 bucks on Newegg.