Lattes, salad, wine, and especially beer you say? Not to mention videogames and pizza. Seriously, it sounds like Dave & Buster’s but without all the expense of loading up a game card and the pressure to buy overpriced chicken wings.

I know I’m an insensitive douche, but why is this a stupid, slappable offense? Sounds like what they’re saying is “we’re getting feedback from moms that they want something to eat besides our legendarily-horrible pizza, so we’re adding more salads and the kind of things they have at places like Panera, where they don’t get to go as much now that they plan meals around their kids.”

I’ve been to Chuck E. Cheese’s at least 4 times this year (several birthday parties), and the food there has been uniformly ok. Not horrible, not great. The main reason we don’t bring our kids for anything other than a birthday party has had nothing to do with the food, and everything to do with the fact that it is FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

Sure it is. Every restaurant is a “concept” in corporate/marketing speak. Panera is absolutely a concept marketed directly at young women, who are referred to as “millennials” these days.

The problem here is that this guy is using the sort of language you use in board meetings with your marketing staff, rather than speaking like a normal human. But what he’s saying, when translated, isn’t crazy talk at all.

That image brings to mind something that has pissed me off ever since I was a kid: what were they thinking by making their mascot a creepy looking rat? I mean, what the fuck? He looks like a con artist. He looks like a coke addict. He looks like the kind of guy prostitutes warn each other about. The real life Pizza Rat would be a better mascot than this character.