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Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

Your delivery hospital may (should) offer BF classes. Suggest taking a class together (I guarantee hubby will NOT be the only male) & let the nurses talk to you about benefits of BF. This way the info is factual & comes from an unbiased party. There are SOOO many benefits of BF outside of just the bonding aspect (not to mention...it's FREE!)
After you are BF for at least 1 month or so, you could also pump & let hubby offer a bottle every once in a while. That's what we did. Once hubby sees you BF, he will think it's beautiful & amazing that you can sustain life like that. Good luck!

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

If you can get to a LLL meeting, many of them cover topics that include "Baby arrives: The Family and the Breastfed Baby, The Birth of Your Baby and Baby's First Weeks, At Home With Your New Baby" check with your local group, but most welcome fathers.

Letting him know that this is something you really want to do but that you need his support is key. There is so much that he can do to have bonding time-skin to skin contact is just one of the many things that is both great for him/baby and gives you a chance to nap/shower/get a bite to eat.

Four Hands-" Ari's "fourth hand" was ready to help. Whether it was 2 am, 3 am, or 4 am, Ari was awake and involved. He held a soft light in one hand and adjusted Alexa's latch—often more than once—with the other. As she suckled contentedly, he would doze by my side, and when she finished nursing, he would wake to burp her and cuddle her back to sleep."

A Father's Thoughts on Breastfeeding-I esp. love this part "aside from the nutritional and logistical benefits, is the sheer sense of pleasure I get from watching my son nurse. He looks so happy and peaceful in Ileana's arms. It makes me happy to know he's being loved in the best way possible. This makes me love my wife even more. It's this emotional element that breastfeeding encourages that I find so appealing. We really feel like a close-knit family. I give my full support to Ileana for breastfeeding so she can do so for Alex. In turn, he loves us back even more. It's really a team effort."

When Dad Disagrees-"To begin with, we came up with a mission statement for our parenting. We refer to our mission statement when we are in a situation we can't agree about how to handle. We think about how each option fits in with our goals for our children.

Our mission statement says:

"We will nurture our children with loving guidance, encouraging them to follow their bliss, and helping them develop spiritual awareness, self esteem, self confidence, and empathy.""

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

Do you know any other couples who breastfed? Maybe he could get some advice from them...

When my baby was born, my husband was a big proponent of formula... Would buy big jars and say we had to use it... But he started to see the huge difference in our baby's reaction to formula VS Mommy's milk. She would glug huge amounts of formula, fuss, then spit up most of it...but when she was on the breast, she would be happy and content. So as I educated myself about bf'ing, I told him...and he started to support it. Eventually, he decided that it WAS the best thing for our baby.

As previous posters have said, just keep talking up the benefits... If he's worried about you showing boob in public, you can always cover up with a nursing shawl (like the bebe au lait or busy baby shawl), or find a place like a dressing room at the mall. He may be squeamish now, but he'd probably get more comfortable with the concept when he sees what a bond it forms between you and the baby.

And if he wants a similar bond, maybe he could "wear" the baby in a sling? Show him some pictures of the husbands on the "Babywearing" thread.

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

I don't have time enough to write. Mine had the same problem. He wasn't confrtable with th whole idea, until i gave him an article which says what formula contains. Then he was the one who supported me even when i was so close to stop.
For me HEALTH is the first and major issue. I WANT FOR MY CHILD THE BEST!!!!
My husband was the one who raised my baby when i was working from when she was 40 days old. I was pumping and he was raising her. They have a great relationshio. Sometimes i feel i am just the boob.

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

I don't think he sounds like an awful person - you're right, it's good that he's being honest so that its something you can deal with now. PP have provided some great links to information that may help, and I would also REALLY encourage you to have DH talk to some health care providers (i.e., potential pediatricians) and some couples who have breastfed about what a wonderful experience it is.

You also need to point out that what he's saying is kind of ridiculous. He wants to put his desire to feel "needed" over the longterm health and development of his child? Apart from the fact that there are PLENTY of other ways for him to bond with the baby, that statement alone is so silly that I'm sure he hasn't thought about it that way.

In terms of other issues, just being "uncomfortable" with the idea, that is - sadly - a fairly common reaction in our society, but you don't have to give any credence to it. I would suggest that you table any discussion about it (read: fighting) until he has looked at the information and talked to some people about it - that's the least he can do.

If, after becoming more informed, he still puts his personal aversion over the health of his wife and baby, then you may have to say, gently but firmly, "I'm not asking your permission. Breastfeeding is a gift that I AM going to give to my child, to give him the best possible start in life. I hope that you will become comfortable with it and we will both be able to enjoy the experience."

Erin - Hayden James is my beautiful boy - we've been nursing happily for two years, with no end in sight!

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

I agree w/pp, giving him info on the vast benefits and how to bond w/out feeding will help. My DH and DS are bonded and that is mostly w/out feeding him. There have been some bottles when I work saturdays, and some solids now, but its mostly from playing What are his exact concerns? That will help with our advice

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

Thanks you so much for all of your replies! You've given some great resources that I'll pass on to him. This was reassuring too...we're not the only people who have dealt with this issue.

I think the idea of just giving him resources and tabling the discussion for a while is a good idea. I often find myself getting very frustrated with him. It seems like it's so obvious that it the best choice, when he doesn't agree i get angry.

You've given me some great info on bonding and I keep hoping that the other part of his objection, the squimishness, will go out the door once we've gotten pregnant and gone through the preganacy and birth....

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

You might also look for a good natural birth class to take (probably one that is offered outside of a hospital would be best.) We took a class on gentle childbirth offered by a midwife. I was thinking about a natural birth, my husband didn't think I could handle the pain, but once he became educated about it, he was completely on board. Going to the class together provided lots of food for thought for great discussions. Childbirth classes usually talk about breastfeeding, too. BTW, my husband was supportive of me breastfeeding in the beginning, but he's just become even more so as time has gone on. He's almost more of a lactivist now than I am.

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

I don't know if your husband is like mine, but if I started throwing random info at him and trying to "educate" him on the benefits, he just protested more. He was totally against it, until in the hospital he saw DD latch on for the first time and start gulping it down and saw how happy it made me to be able to provide for OUR child in such a way. Don't let this disagreement cloud your pregnancy. Believe me, there will be plenty more things to go head-to-head with him about once your little one is here. I guess what I'm saying is pick your battles sister Now if he still has a problem after he/she is here.....that's different. Cross that bridge when you get to it, for now just agree to disagree. Good luck!

Re: Husband and Breastfeeding

What about asking your husband to agree to a "trial period" of breastfeeding? Say that you'd really like to give it a try for a month. Hopefully by then he will be comfortable with it. If not, that would be a good time to try bottles of expressed milk. Good luck, and keep up the communication with your husband! Sounds like you both are wanting to be the best parents you can.