Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Carrie Prejean Controversy: You can always tell when it has been a slow news week. Americans get bored so easily that their 24-hour cable news channels must find something new and titillating to keep their interest, sell products, and make money. It is the American way. Thus when the economy becomes boring, toss out a swine flu epidemic. When the epidemic – or even a pandemic proves to be more bull than swine, find another topic. Ah, a good Christian girl and beauty queen who stumbles through an answer to an unexpected question during the Miss USA pageant. BINGO! The religious right at least has their topic. She lost the pageant crown because she was a good Christian girl who believed marriage should be between two opposites in her country. That’s the way she was brought up and that is what she believes. End of story – NOT!

Star qualities for a good Christian girl: The fact that she answered a question that did not support gay marriage inoculated her against any other problems she might have in the eyes of some. Fake breasts? Yes, but good Christian fake breasts. Nude pictures of her on the internet? Well, so was Eve unclothed – we assume, for the internet does not reach back quite that far. Life ambition to be a Victoria Secret lingerie model? Marriage should be between a man and a woman. Lied about having taken pictures in the almost buff (topless)? Marriage should be between a man and woman. So how did she respond that way? The Devil made her almost do it. How did she resist the Devil’s question? God got inside her head. (These are her actual statements)

Let’s get this straight: Perez Hilton, a pageant judge asked the candidate a question. The question and her reply were as follows: "Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?"

Response: "I think it's great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage and, you know what, in my country and my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anyone out there but that's how I was raised and that's how I think it should be between a man and a woman."

History repeats – more or less: About 40 years ago another beauty queen, one Anita Bryant of Oklahoma, came in third in the Miss America contest and went on to have a career as an orange salesman and anti-gay activist until the other side squeezed her orange sales. But the anti-gay part of this issue exists only in the hearts and minds of the anti-gay religious right wing. The issue is not about Ms. Prejean’s religious beliefs putting her in jeopardy of losing her tarnished California tiara, but the fact that she lied on her beauty contest application. She had indicated that no such photos of her had ever been taken. That was a lie. That alone should have caused her tiara to be stripped from her bleached blond hair and given to the non-liar who was next in line. Of course that did not happen.

Damn those Liberals in New York: The Donald of Trump, owner of the pageant, took a liberal stand and decided that the tiara should stay on the head of the bikini clad queen. Damn the topless shots full speed ahead. At least he’s consistent. When a former pageant winner sneaked out of the dorm to snort cocaine and party hearty, Sir Donald decreed that she should keep her crown as well. Fair is fair. Ah that Donald. He can trump any beauty contest he owns.

Did the Pageant set up the whole mess?: Let’s be up front about this silicone tissue issue. Did the good Christian girl win Miss California with the help of Miss Clairol and another company’s boobies? Well, we cannot verify whether or not the blonde hair came from being out there having fun in the warm California sun, but there is breaking news about her chest. A Miss California Pageant official confirmed previous reports that contestant Carrie Prejean received free breast implants, organized and paid for by the pageant weeks before the Miss USA competition. Keith Lewis, co-Director of the Miss California Pageant admitted to helping Prejean get the boob job to compete on the boob tube. He stated to a TV reporter, "We assisted when Carrie came to us and voiced the interest in having the procedure done. We want to put her in the best possible confidence in order to present herself in the best possible light on a national stage." That’s right, folks, Miss California asked Santa for something other than her two front teeth, and the boob fairy granted her wish. Wonder if she put the old ones under her pillow.

The Bottom Line: Who is being used and who is guilty of being the user in this case? Count 1: Carrie Prejean using the media to advance her career – GUILTY. Count 2: The Miss USA Pageant seducing a contestant into having fake breasts installed to uplift their ratings – GUILTY. Count 3: The Christian Right using Carrie Prejean to advance their cause despite the fact that she lied on her application, has taken some very un-Christian-like photos, and is attending Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University in hopes of preparing for a career as a lingerie model – GUILTY. Count 4: Every TV viewer who does not turn this trash off when it is rerun over and over as legitimate news – GUILTY.

Prehistoric trivia: Back in the good old days there was a saying about gals who used enhancements: “Lipstick and rouge and powder and paint, make pretty girls look what they ain’t.” Today it must be updated – perhaps “Waxing and bleach and silicone boobs, Get pageant contestants on many youtubes.”