“I’d like you to explain why we should build a mass transit system in a small town with a centralized population?” – Lisa Simpson “Ha ha, young lady that’s the most intelligent question I’ve ever been asked.” – Lyle Lanley “Really?” – Lisa Simpson “Oh, I could give you an answer, but the only ones who’d understand it would be you and me . . . and that includes your teacher.” – Lyle Lanley

The numbers are in and they’re wonderfully bad. That typically boring and nonsensical Zombie Simpsons episode was endured by just 5.23 million viewers. That’s the third lowest of all time. This number is bad enough to give me fresh hope that Season 21 can still end up the lowest rated season. Not much hope, mind you, but some.

As for the episode itself, we’ve seen things like this before, haven’t we? Bart is no longer Bart, freaking out about a letter from school is not something he’d ever do. Homer and Marge got into a nonsensical fight that, surprise surprise, resolved itself effortlessly. To top it all off the plot was based on not one, but two stupid and unlinked concepts; even if we grant that Springfield has an abandoned subway system why on earth would it cause earthquakes? Silliness can be funny, but these ploys are just lazy ways to try and flesh out plots that have nowhere to go. Oh, and there was an Itchy & Scratchy episode for the first time in forever, and they even managed to screw that up.

Isn’t that every episode, though? It could be an episode of nothing but Homer sitting on the toilet for twenty minutes and certain NHC members (I’m sure you can imagine which ones) would give it 5/5 and a glowing write-up. I’m thinking some of them must be trolls at this point.

In essence, Moe meets a woman over the internet and she turns out to have dwarfism of some kind. I seem to recall a lot of people thought it was awesome, even though it made me ill. Still, it’s about a year old, maybe I’m misremembering.

I feel that about a lot of things. Also, I’ve noticed the show began doing more “clever” punning titles as it progressed. I mean, this does go back to the good days, but they wouldn’t be content now with something like “Homer the Smithers” or “Whacking Day”. I don’t know what those episodes would have to be called instead, but it’d be some movie or song reference or pun about snakes.

Last week I watched the first half of “The Italian Bob” (half the episode was all I could take before I switched channels in disgust). I’d heard about that episode previously, but never watched it – and I was kinda left with the impression that the only reason Sideshow Bob was in Italy was because the writers probably came up with the lame title first and then crafted a story to fit it (“Hmmm…”The Italian Job”…I got it! “The Italian Bob”!).

It’s sort of pitiful when you consider the decreasing quality of episode titles, especially when they’re repeating their references. I mean, in season 1 there was an episode called “Moaning Lisa.” In season 18 there was an episode called “Moe’N’a Lisa.” I’m sure Zombie Simpsons could make another hilarious episode title riffing on “Mona Lisa” – hell, given their proclivity for shoehorning “D’oh” into episode titles, maybe we’ll get an episode entitled “D’oh’na Lisa” at some point.

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