BOOZE.
I am a firm believer that booze is simply unsuitable for some people. My pal Yeti has no problem whatsoever in caning Herculean quantities of drugs for days on end with seemingly no ill effects – however give him five pints and he becomes flushed and belligerent, and, frankly, a massive pain in the arse. Shittest Irishman ever*, so he is.

What kind of drinker are you? Do you cry on the stairs at parties? Are you a ‘drunk dialler’? Do you get into scrapes? Perhaps you're a spewer, tactical or otherwise. Do tell.

Personally, my behaviour is little changed by substances. Apparently I have the look of a naughty schoolboy about me, and that’s about it. My brother is absolutely fine drinking for hours, until suddenly something snaps, he goes grey and incoherent and is effectively a vegetable. Elvis leaves the building and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

I tend to tell jokes I think are funny then laugh at myself
and if I get to drunk just wander off home.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:45,
Reply)

Oh I do that one.
I used to routinely disappear 'to the loo' at my own parties and just go to bed, too.
(Monty Boyce,My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:49,
Reply)

for my entire first year I thought this club night we went to ended at 2 and would leave
and then not understand where everyone else was as they stayed until 4.
(Naked Apecall me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:50,
Reply)

I got home once, rat arsed and rolled a massive spliff
smoked half and popped on the playstation to entertain myself, unfortunately for me there wasn't a game in the computer but an aphex twin cd. I then proceeded to whitey and be unable to get up to turn it off.

I used to run a club night in Soho.
One of these nights coincided with my birthday and lots of old pals from all over the country came to say hello. At the end of my DJ set I staggered straight out of the door into a black cab and went home to bed without saying a fucking word to anyone, to be woken up by about twenty slightly pissed-off but lolling chaps a few hours later.
(Monty Boyce,My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53,
Reply)

I am like your brother, I am fine...fine...fine...fine...fucking pissed in a minute
I suspect I am like most people when drunk, loud, obnoxious, rude and belligerant.

Happy = even happier (occasionally known to smile).Pissed off with myself = take the piss of everyone in a 5 mile radius past the point that others may consider cruel.Pissed off with other people = shouty. Very shouty.Angry = extremely aggressive. Seek to punch anyone for any reason.

you may want to print this off and keep it to refer to the next time we go drinking.
(Bollocks., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:53,
Reply)

It can go one of three ways with me and alcomahol
In most cases I'm a happy joke-telling harmless bellend who'll bimble off into the night and eat a mahoosive kebab when the booze-o-meter gets to 'Full'.On other occasions I end up trying to have deep philosophical conversations with other drunks who really don't give a toss.The third outcome is when I start waxing lyrical about music (Pooflake will probably chime in about the epic Skype session when I was extremely 'heavily refreshed' and trying to get him to understand the strange dichotomy of a Ska band singing about mental illness) and I can bore the whatsits off a brass hippo.I don't drink Whisky. I get nasty on Whisky.
(Captain PlacidJe suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 10:59,
Reply)

Sounds similar to me, apart from the nasty bit.
I have yet to find a drink that makes me nasty...
(Professor Kenny MartinQuality you can taste, or your money back, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07,
Reply)

I got wankered on whisky once
Lost about 9 hours where I'd apparently (as I was told later) been a very very bad person. Just dumb luck I didn't end up either in court or on a slab.Don't drink it at all now.
(Captain PlacidJe suis Marxiste - tendance Groucho, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:17,
Reply)

I talk bollocks, more so than usual
I find the majority of things very funny, this has included laughing the face of someone who was trying to goad me into a fight, because I'd laughed at his stupid fringe.

I went through a long stage of falling asleep wherever I was, this was extremely annoying, and it didn't matter what I had drank, whether I had eaten, anything. It even happened on a works do, much to my shame.

I don't vomit when drunk, only the morning after. Although I did chuck up when I had my drink spiked, that wasn't much fun.

According to BGB, I get very opinionated, whilst this isn't much of a surprise, I just wish she'd tell me what I was so opinionated about! I've only ever been a nasty drunk once, which led to me avoiding that particular lager for 3 years, I only tried it again a few months back. As I've been fine on it since, I have no idea why I was such a cock on the night in question.
(Agnostic AntichristBaltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:02,
Reply)

Certain, I was mostly sober
Bought a pint in a club infamous for it's spikings, drank some of it with friends, walked away from them, put it down on a table out of sight from any of them, walked back, picked it up again, went back to drinking.

Some nights I am a fair lightweight, sometimes I can drink the sun up
It varies, but what happened would never happen off the amount I had drank, and as I had, I don't vomit when drunk.
(Agnostic AntichristBaltimora, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11,
Reply)

About one in 150 times I got drunk I'd do something immeasurably stupid.
I'm convinced there's a cheeky switch in my brain that sometimes flips when I get just a touch too drunk and convinces me that trying to drink myself to death would be fantastic fun. The last time I fucked up was in December and since that I've stopped drinking forever and switched to wonderful hardcore drugs like crystal moth and woof woof.
(Noeliovertheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:05,
Reply)

Have you still not had a drink since then?
Fucking hell Noel.
(Monty Boyce,My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07,
Reply)

i know a few languages fluently, my written english ain't great i'll give you that
but that doesn't make me stupid, so stop being mean you horrible cunt
(QuintnoEXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:32,
Reply)

The fact that you're a fucking spazmo is the reason we're mean to you.

I have a friend with fairly similar views.
He works every music festival over the summer, and munches happily away on any substance he can find (though he refuses to smoke anything) and he reckons drugs have never made anyone act like an obnoxious, violent arsehole.

As a drinker, I'm really bad. I have no tolerance for alcohol, so a couple of drinks hit me like a sledgehammer. I get very giggly, then start falling over, then start babbling. Actually, that's not a million miles away from me being sober.
(b3thNot shit. Not mod., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:07,
Reply)

Or can only get extremely shit gear.
EDIT actually I cannot recall any of my chums being obnoxious on coke - tedious, for sure, but not unpleasant.
(Monty Boyce,My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:11,
Reply)

One of my mates had rather a lot of coke, had a one man rave in my living room, ironed my friend's work uniform
Woke her at 5am, walked her to work, then stole some milk on the way home, and ran off, giggling.

I think he mostly deals with mushrooms and cannabis
he's one of them eco hippy types.
(b3thNot shit. Not mod., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:12,
Reply)

I spin badly when I'm really pissed
I once awoke after about ten minutes of spinning and sleeping in the knowledge I was going to vomit very soon. The problem was it was pitch black I could see a fucking thing, combined with the fact I couldn't even rememebr where I was the chances of finding a receptical for my techicolour yawn was slim.

So butt naked, I decided to simply make a run for it in a direction. It didn't work out as planned as I ran straight into a wall and bounced off onto my arse and was sick on myself. Which is when my mate turned the light on...
(Naked Apecall me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:08,
Reply)

That appears to be a picture someone's severely disabled kid that you're mocking
I know this is supposed to be a 'kkerazy' forum and everyone's supposed to be a banter queen but that's somewhat tight, just sayin
(Light In Chainsmaker of the ikea sofa, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:38,
Reply)

My wife told me I am a dick when I drink
So I quit drinking without telling her. She still claims I have been drinking which proves once and for all that I am simply a dick and the drink is the innocent victim in all this.
(PhillieJoehttps://voat.co/v/psychochomprulez, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:20,
Reply)

I am notorious for the same disappearing act that other people have mentioned.
I imagine that if ever stunned, monty and myself go out for a heavy drinking session, we'll all wordlessly get up from the table at the same time and go home.
(KroneyFellow of The Bent Poetry School for Bent Poets, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:24,
Reply)

I don't know about you two wankers
but I'll be turning up at a different pub entirely. Preferably in a different city.
(KroneyFellow of The Bent Poetry School for Bent Poets, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:33,
Reply)

A group of my friends had a party one year. One of whom sleepwalks.
Several people stayed over. One couple was sleeping on the floor of one of the bedrooms when they were awoken by a strange pattering on their sleeping bags. The sleepwalker was standing bollock naked in the doorway, a graceful arc of hot piss threading its way through the night air to land on their prostrate forms.
(KroneyFellow of The Bent Poetry School for Bent Poets, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:52,
Reply)

I was pissed once a woke in the morning with a vague memory I had pissed in my bin
but I hadn't, the next night I was sober then woke woke with the vague memory I had pissed in my bin, I had.
(Naked Apecall me Caitlyn, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58,
Reply)

Two of my friends shared a house
The toilet was downstairs, through the kitchen.One of them came in drunk one night went into the kitchen and proceeded to piss down the side of the cooker.He could not be persuaded that this was the incorrect place.
(tangledupinbluetangle taking it, Satisfies, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:00,
Reply)

No
But it's good to know that apparently you have.
(KroneyFellow of The Bent Poetry School for Bent Poets, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:58,
Reply)

One drunken night when I was still living with my parents
Instead of turning right and heading towards the bathroom, I turned left and headed to their bedroom. Once there I lifted the lid of their laundry basket and filled it with my piss. I could not understand what my dad was shouting about.
(tangledupinbluetangle taking it, Satisfies, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:03,
Reply)

yes it is, as opposed to all the bullshit you spout about farming drugs and 'taking copiuos amounts of drugs'
like a pathetic child
(QuintnoEXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:26,
Reply)

I've noticed.
We had to physically wrestle a work colleague away from pissing into a kitchen cupboard full of crockery the other year.
(KroneyFellow of The Bent Poetry School for Bent Poets, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 11:55,
Reply)

I'm not a big drinker, never have been.
I tend to drink socially and not much more. It tends to make me chatty and silly. Drinking when down is not bright for me as it takes me further down, so I avoid it.
(CQKnows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:02,
Reply)

you sound like a reasonable and sensible chap
can i subscribe to your blog?
(QuintnoEXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:03,
Reply)

i hope i speak for everyone here
when i say that i hope that noely noel definately does not kill himself, i don't think you lot have shown enough support for his cry for helop up there and we should all rally around him at this difficult time
(QuintnoEXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:14,
Reply)

I think you should act as a 'fall guy' here and kill yourself so that Noel doesn't have to.

i meant quentin's wife
you know, what with him being such a HAWT italian studmuffin and such a successful businessman and all that.
(rachelswipe/still got all my hair and a 28" waist, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:41,
Reply)

I think perhaps the 'fucking his sister' thing might have put her off a bit.

or the copious mental meltdown issues
you should see the gazzes i got from bert when he was "thecathater". he had made up a whole other life, with fictitious people.

quentin, of course, would never do that. and has by no means set up another "truth fairy" account pretending to be one of his own fictitious inventions.
(rachelswipe/still got all my hair and a 28" waist, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:44,
Reply)

No way.
Not old 'Mr Mentally Stable' who started out on /OT claiming to be a student, but within 24 hours was a successful businessman. No way. Not helicopter boy.
(Monty Boyce,My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:46,
Reply)

In fairness I should point out that Monty's wife left him for me.
If you've ever seen the 2 of us, you'd know why, SHe prefers then well tanned and with some muscle.
(CQKnows the truth, all of it., Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:41,
Reply)

a flick through the above shows that you have reverted to being a total twat today, neckless
sort it out there's a good chap
(rachelswipe/still got all my hair and a 28" waist, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 12:37,
Reply)

i never started it
this time
(QuintnoEXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 13:10,
Reply)