(Picture by Fox_Fotography!!!!)
Leather Bear Tails is about the leather journey of my slave and I. It deals with all parts of the leather and BDSM experience from safety to predators, to skills, and all of the lovely mistakes that she and I make along the way!!
Also!! I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it can be found for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us" it is available for purchase here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html

Or on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Rest-Us-K-E-Enzweiler/dp/1329062213/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1432825657&sr=1-2&keywords=m%2Fs+for+the+rest+of+usI am the founder of the Albuquerque Masters Group. We meet once every other month. The group is open to all who wish to explore their Mastery, slavery, or Dominance and submission. Please contact me here or at my email : Bigdykebear@yahoo.com for more information! The meetings are free to all who wish to attend!

If you are interested in power munches, skills workshops or play parties in the Albuquerque area please contact the 20 year organization of AEL at:

aelmailing@gmail.com

If you are interested in active online community please find:

Fetlife.com

Group names for the Albuquerque Community Include:

Land Of Enchantment Fetlifers

Albuquerque Kinksters

KinkySpot Clubhouse

Albuquerque Master/slave forum

New Mexico Leather League: Leather/Kink/Fetish and More

Friday, February 27, 2015

When we lived in Tijeras we were in such financial straits that whenever a bill arrived that wasn't rooted in our survival, I threw it directly into “the box.” The intent was to pay it when I could. When we moved to Edgewood I took the box with me knowing that I would one day be able to pay off all those back bills. The box contains some credit cards, some hospital bills, and a few people that we owe from the move like the bank. Overall, the outstanding balance is probably just around $9,000 in various amounts ranging from about $1000 to 125 $.

The amazing thing is that I decided this is the year paying everyone back happens. This is the year that, although we may hurt from check to check, we will pay back that part of our lives as another step closer to our financial future.

That box has been a part of my life – of our lives – for five years. And now, this March one of the biggest bills will officially be paid off! On top of that, we have decided to use all this year’s tax refund toward paying everything back. And I couldn’t be more EXCITED! This year is the year for no more box!

It is a vital goal I never thought I would reach. It is something that has stayed on my mind as a Master. If something were to happen to me, she would be left with this mess because we are now legally married. More significantly, what would that mean for her?

It weighed on me; still does.

We are in essence a very lucky couple. We don’t fight over money. We know we don’t have it and so we move on from there - hahaha. We both created that box, but as the breadwinner it is my responsibility to pay it off. I am blessed in that my slave completely respects our financial boundaries; she doesn’t spend what we don’t have. We discuss what is and isn’t doable. I am not emotionally punished for not making more money. she doesn’t spend money behind my back for me to “find out” about. she doesn’t manipulate me into spending more than we have, or even make me feel bad about it. But this wasn’t always so.

There was time we did argue about money. It was tense on my paydays because it was going to be bad. But neither of us wanted that, and so we both sat down and had a conversation. We learned how to talk and support each other. We were both scared to openly talk about money, and in truth there are times when I still am. I still try to be honest, but sometimes my fear takes over, and I make promises that I know that I can’t come through on.

We talk about it, and I am working on breaking that cycle. she is kind and patient, but the thought of not being able to provide for her when she asks so little from me breaks my heart.

The good news is that when the box is done that is the end of our debt except for student loans, which I am pretty sure you are supposed to have until you die.

This coming November marks the end of the loans being paid back to the 401K and that means that I can start reinvesting in my retirement.

We are moving forward again after years of fear and stagnation. It is finally happening.

As a Master, I feel like I am finally making good decisions. Not all the time though, I am still learning. But I finally feel like I can provide for her in a way that SIGNIFICANTLY impacts her future and mine.

When I retire it’s going to be those two old dykes in a camper traveling across America with our cats, our dogs and rotisserie. We are going to have sex in every state and love every minute of gaying up America.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Last Saturday
was Valentine’s Day and the AEL play party. My slave and I wanted to do
something different so we contacted another couple and asked if they would like
to play. One of them was male and the other was female. When they said “yes” we
were so excited!!

My slave and I started planning right away, so when we got to
the party we were more then ready!! We
started by me tying them up back to back in very loose bondage. I don’t know them
very well, so I kept the bondage loose- to make it more of a suggestion then an
actual holding. My slave, who is a powerful Top in her own right, and incredibly
empathic, picked the female “toy”. While I choose the male “toy” and before long
it was GAME ON!

I don’t play
with men as a rule. It isn’t my interest.
But something about that night, those people, that experience and within
minutes I was riding the wild pony of Top Space. It was hot, exciting, and I
was caught up in the energy and the intensity of me on one side and my slave on
the other. All of the moans and sounds and responses that were happening created intoxication.
DEEPLY.

At one point I stopped a second and looked on
the floor. I saw blood. I looked again- it didn't register right away what it
was. Two blood spots- on the floor.

I don’t make
people bleed unless I intent to. I have NEVER made someone bleed
unintentionally, and I have NEVER made someone bleed at a public play party
where there was a no body fluids rule. So I stared at the floor stupidly.
Trying to get my head together without taking him out of his head space.

It was then
that I realized that we must have had people watching because all of the sudden
I had tons of help. The beautiful and amazing Tops pointed out where the blood
was coming from my “toys” body, the DMs were handing me paper towels and cleaning
solution, and the graceful doe eyed helper took
my cane and cleaned it while I tried to come out of Top Space enough
to get my head together.

I was
concerned, embarrassed and flying all at the same time.

I told the toy right
away in case we needed to stop, or there was something that he needed to tell
me. He was still a go, so we continued the scene as I used the paper towels to
put pressure on the open area while I grabbed and pulled his junk. I sprayed
and wiped the blood at his feet without him stepping on it.

Then a wonderful
three piece suit man said “how about ice?” and I said “GREAT IDEA!” Within
seconds I had ice in my hand wrapped in a paper towel. Which I held to the area
as it closed up right away. It also oddly created a great part to the
scene. After the area was wiped down and
the skin tear was closed we continued to play. At this point I was brought some
water, thanks again to the amazing Tops.

I took it into my mouth, but I could feel
him coming out of his head space- so I spit it on him. It was a gut move and it
worked. His head tilted back and his mouth opened- he was right back where I
wanted him.

It wasn’t much
longer before we were finishing up.

That is to
say we were toast. All four of us.

As my slave
and I took the toys out of bondage, we had tons of help. People brought us
water, food; they took my toy, my slave and her toy into the living room for aftercare.
I guarded the play space from others coming into it until I could get it
properly cleaned.

The host
came through and I told them what had happened and they got some different
cleaning solution. We wiped down the area. The lovely doe eyed assistant was a
HUGE help as she packed all the toys so that I could go and concentrate on
aftercare.

That experience
was so intense for me and my slave. We were flying high, both of us. For two
days we slept and relaxed and enjoyed coming down off of the scene.

Later on I asked
for pictures of his junk because I wanted to make sure that everything was OK- when
he sent them I saw that that damage was from the clothespins and not the
caning. This relieved me some.

But I still
shake my head. I have been a nurse for 20 years. I have seen people bleed out; I
have held a dialysis shunt closed to stop someone from dying. I have held surgical wounds closed with my
hands until the surgeon could get there and staple them shut. I have experience
with wounds, and trauma, and blood. But all it took was one skin tear on my toys
nuts and all that experience went right out the window.

I am so
deeply grateful to my toy- who was a joy to play with. To Tops for her kindness
and lovely voluptuous self, to the DMs for their quick and vital assistance. For the lovely
doe eyed assistant who was so eager to help. To The amazing three piece suit
man who took my toy afterwards while I cleaned up, to the hosts where were gracious
about the whole thing, and to everyone who offered food and water.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Every time that I turn on a computer or want to pop into my
email I see the advertisement for 50 Shades of Grey. I amnot that interested inseeing the film as I have nothing incommon withthe maincharacters, and ingeneralI amnot interested inheterosexualromance themes. 50 Shades is written for a very mainstream audience
including a mainstream BDSM audience. It never would have gotten published if
the players were poor, of color, of size, or in some other way NOT a rich,
white, heterosexual couple where the woman was still a virgin.

That this is
what makes BDSM safe, the idea that it is an exclusive club that establishes
male and white superiority and Dominance. Throwinperfect hair and unlimited
money and Whoola- it is somehow validated as OK for the masses.

The movie “Kink” came out in 2014. It is a documentary that
shows male submissives, and female - female couplings. If you type in BDSM into
YouTube there are over 100,000 results, including clips from the Lisa Ling documentary
that was done on ABC News Nightline. In that documentary- which I have seen-
there are people of size, people of color, and alternative types of play (like
cigar play). I got to give it to her Lisa Ling did not try to make it safe.

One of the things that I love about the reality of BDSM is its
diversity.It is one of those things
that makes BDSM so risky, so complex, so compelling, and so fulfilling. It is
the idea that we not only are we not allwhite, rich, thinand
virginesque- we are outside those things and still have a right toseekthe fulfillment of our fantasies and desires. We have a drive to find ourselves
in all of the arenas of life including those that doesn’t have anything to do with
sex, those parts of the self that are based in the deeper psychological wells
of race, gender, sexuality, powerlessness, and religion.

We face the depth of
our desire to serve, to give up power, to be humiliated, and to be loved
BECAUSE of those things.

What if 50 shades had no sexual component? What would be left?
The emphasis would be on her need for powerlessness, his need for power. Her
need to serve and his need to be served. Her
need to be in a place where for anything to happen she has to consent first. How
subversive would that be? If consent and delving into “fantasies made reality”
was the principle part of the film.

I love our community. I love the absolute diversity, not
just of the physical appearances of the people involved, but the extreme diversity
of our desires.I have a deep respect for
those that don’t let their physical appearance decide for them what their identity
is in BDSM. The power of meeting and talking withmale submissives, female Dommes,people of color that identify as slaves, and people
of size that are service subs and not punching bags.People that say out loud and proud- my BDSM
is not about sex,it is not about pain,
itis about something that Iexperience when I am getting lunch,serving coffee,or feeling the weight of my collar around my
neck.

It isn’t that sex doesn’t belong in BDSM- it does. It is
where most of us start. But those of us driven to understand ourselves don’t
let it end there. What starts in the dudgeon affects every part of our lives.
How we stand, who we serve, how we feel viscerally fulfilled in our everyday.

Ever go to work after a thrilling BDSM experience? One that
opens your eyes, made you feel really alive, really in touch with yourself? You
are lighter, happier, more able to handle the day to day. Even if you don’t identify
your BDSM role in your vanilla world- it still spills over.

For many of us the whips and chains and dungeons are the background,
and the connection to self, connection to others, and fulfillment of desire is where
the power of BDSM truly lies.

Friday, February 6, 2015

When my slave and I first got together it was a different
time, eventhough it was only 14 years
agoit was very different in terms of
media, socialacceptance , the law, and
what was viewed as acceptable. There were stilllaws onthe books that read that
homosexuality or specificallysodomy is illegal (there still are). InFlorida there was a law
against renting a one bedroomresidence
totwo people of the same gender. This is just togive you anidea of the types of laws that were in place
that are finally being questioned today.

There were nosocialrole models for us
whenwe were first together- not that
there are now- but there was noconcept
that twodykes could have a long term relationship. Our relationships didn’t exist
unless it was in the context of a joke- the old U haulcomes back tohaunt us.Long termrelationships for lesbians didn’t exist unless
they were sexually devoid, one or bothof
them was analcoholic, there was an
ongoingfight over whogot tobe called “mommy” tothe kids, or they were racked withpersonalguilt and were slowly mentally deteriorating because they were gay. Those
were our socialrole models.

There are nohappy endings for us.

I got lucky- bothof
my parents were gay. My mom was inanabusive relationshipwith her “wife”for 10 years.My father has beenwithhis husband since I was 7 or so. They are
legally married. However as muchas that
is luckit is not. Neither of these relationships would I consider a relationshipmodel that I would want to emulate.They instead where everything that I never wanted. The constant
fighting , anger,violence, in my mothers
home. My father and his husband are not loving and not supportive of eachother.

BUT- I say that I was lucky because I
at least had the understanding that a long term same sex relationship is POSSIBLE.

Even though my parents were gay, my slave and I stilldidn’t get any of the validation that straight
couples get. Youwant to know the
irony-whenwe announced our Florida wedding to my father
and his husband, they said nothing. Here we were sitting next toanother gay coupleand it didn’t matter.There were nooffers topay for the wedding as my father had paid for my brothers, or a
honeymoon. Nogifts of house down
payments that my brother hadreceived. In fact
noone attended the wedding from my blood family.

We
didn’t bother toinvite my slaves we
already knew the answer.

Sohere we are 14
years later. And I am -I am-feeling like I live ina fantasy. The other day we had hours of
raunchously dirty sex. In the end we were covered incum. Neither of us are drinkers,and we don’t argue as a rule. We have this joyously peaceful life.

Thenthe weirdest
thing happened. My slaves Aunt asked for babies fromus. She gave details as tohow we needed toget babies, and that babies made her very
happy. It was surreal. And I got to thinking-is this what straight people gothrough?

The great thing about being gay is that no one expects
anything fromyou. Youare already a deviant and lost so your
decisions don’t matter.It is the
greatest gift and the greatest misery allinone. Youaren't held to the expectations of society. You
are inessence free. All with the knowledge
that as muchas there are no expectations, there will be no one
topushyou either.

Soyou're life is
truly yours.

And this life- my slave and I have taken by the balls.

Honestly
sometimes as I wake up inthe morning
andwatch her sleeping, and I canbarely believe myself what we have done here. Our life.

About Me

I am a Master identified lesbian. My slave and I have been together in in a 24/7 dynamic for 14years. This shows how patient she really is... I have written a book called "M/s for the Rest of Us." It is available here: http://www.lulu.com/shop/k-e-enzweiler/ms-for-the-rest-of-us/paperback/product-22151343.html
I love discussing M/s in real life terms, not just the ones put out there by unrealistic, holier then thou, better then everyone people. We are real people living a real life, it involves mistakes, miscommunication, undone chores, and the experiment gone wrong. ie... playing with emergency candle wax. And neither I nor she will put out there that our flawed lives are any better then anyone else's!!!