Tuesday, May 24, 2005

LOL This was just published on a friends site, and with his permission I post it here. Go ahead, see where you and your lover stands! PS...Im a cancer :P

Jan 21 - Feb 19
Ruling Planet: URANUS

The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns. Aquarians make much
better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some
bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional
one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the
mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.

They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most
inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to
them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot!

Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They
are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping
around holds little interest for them.

FAVE POSITION
Mutual masturbation.

BEST SEX TOY
A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have
some fun with this.

AQUARIUS MALE IN BED
He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and
control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up
for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at
5am. He's into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are
involved. He'll do that for fun, but YOU are the only love of his
life.

AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED
She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until
she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE
freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control
and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS
Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and
stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but
tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and
all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game.
Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not
laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most
definitely lead to some action!

PISCES
Feb 20 - March 20
Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE

The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and
sexual fantasies Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands.
Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're
looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your
secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you!

When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than
pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so
romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon.
Music also gets them in the mood.

One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become
very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-
tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.

FAVE POSITION
Pisces is all about Oral affections!

BEST SEX TOY
A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything

PISCES MALE IN BED
He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The
girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he
can be a bit flighty.

But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that
sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's
showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!

PISCES FEMALE IN BED
She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to
be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to
between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol',
same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES
The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your
Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet
for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub
their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run
from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a
scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off
and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close
attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this!
Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one.
Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!

ARIES
March 21-April 20
Ruling Planet: MARS

The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!
Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The
excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest
though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not
want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries,
so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for
another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy
pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found
paradise with an Aries.

FAVE POSITION
Always on top and always in charge

BEST SEX TOY
Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!

ARIES MALE IN BED
The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from
the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for
romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep
looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by
ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket
to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he
likes sex fast and furious baby!

ARIES FEMALE IN BED
She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy
romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's
like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night
stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may
not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of
KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks
dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but
are you man enough to handle her?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES
If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their
hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around
their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep
your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!

TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS

The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex. Taureans are
ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS,
the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires,
including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical
Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in
the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always
pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light
candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things
and take everything, including sex, slowly.

FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is
so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most
comfortable.

BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"

TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to
eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a
little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take
things slow and gently and can last for hours,
always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.

TAURUS FEMALE IN BED
She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art
of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O".
Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in
the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck
kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and
down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a
female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within
seconds.

GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY

The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of
ultra-extreme raunchy talk. Talking about sex is Gemini's favorite
hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and
lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all
they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to
sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious
groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are
bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.

FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they
must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can
come up for air if they need to.

BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up
some wild, new ideas.

GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a
lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few
subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.

GEMINI FEMALE IN BED
She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't
respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her.
She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is
not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an
airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a
car....

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're
headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands
are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with
sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's
arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two
yelps, then you know you're doing something right. Then, move onto
the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then
pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a
lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one
working!

CANCER
June 22 - July 23
Ruling Planet: THE MOON

Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this
water sign's many mood swings! Love and sex go together for Cancer.
They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and
Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because
they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who
either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual.
All Cancers WANT to be parents! Cancers become sexually excited when
they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and
partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!

FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on
their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!

BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!

CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his
own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild! If the
Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever
it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and
he's a BREAST man!!

CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and
kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear,
whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the
Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get
them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them.
Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her,
but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.

It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if
you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and
you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!

LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN

Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's
opinion of themselves, it's the center of our solar system! Leos can
be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't
make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget
about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again!
Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo
wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when
they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have,
it's a show!

They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the
ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it,
but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.

FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting
serviced!

BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or
perhaps you can use them both together!

LEO MALE IN BED
You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way!
You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You
are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny.
But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the
effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!

LEO FEMALE IN BED
You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women
want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command
respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off
most men. You adore raw sex, so your
partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a
lifetime experience!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo
to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs
from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking
about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back
scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch!

After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a
snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this
until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling
asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is
ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your
control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and
get into the good stuff!

VIRGO
August 24 - September 23
Ruling Planet: Mercury

The God in charge of intellect and speed... but don't worry
because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!! Virgos have two
sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want
you to THINK they are all sweet and
virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking
for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They
tend to seduce with finesse, charm and subtlety so you may not even
realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a
relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things
like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this
happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign
that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.

FAVE POSITION
Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!

BEST SEX TOY
It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a
bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're
told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!

VIRGO MALE IN BED
You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a
woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your
perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some
kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your
passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you
into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?

VIRGO FEMALE IN BED
You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you
really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret
romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover
doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure
and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion
beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to
unearth it!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO
Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna
make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their
stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have
them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just
remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!

LIBRA
September 24 - October 23
Ruling Planet: Venus

The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring
sensuality Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if
Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for
two! They are notorious for having double standards in that
situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on
me, cuz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night
of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned
on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the
least
selfish sign of the Zodiac.

Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd
rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you.
In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell
you exactly what they want.

FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!

BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!

LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be
very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He
likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll
try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a
tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit
of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his
lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may
suffer from Premature Ejaculation!

LIBRA FEMALE IN BED
The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's
between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who
understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is
turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath.. Good personal
hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very
good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in
bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please,
squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance.
When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower
part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down
to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your
Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it
surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?

SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22
Ruling Planet: PLUTO

The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which
basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any
relationship. Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if
you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be
relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never
really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them,
Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight
face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex.
The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by rvealing your filthiest
fantasy and offering to act it out.

FAVE POSITION:
Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.

BEST SEX TOY:
Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys

SCORPIO MALE IN BED
His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are
lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be
satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most
skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most
are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off.
Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in
his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he
will wreak his revenge!!!

SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED
She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a
wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't
piss her off either, cuz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man,
and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other
women, or play hard to get, because she will get you back, and it's
a game of one-upmanship you will never win.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO
Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their
moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or
their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing
your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without
getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.

SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER

God of money, luck and good times between the sheets. Sagos are
playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and
may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary
of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything
they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. Sagos
probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score
a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done
before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably
been caught doing it somewhere public. When they find the right
lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.

FAVE POSITION:
They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.

BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow.
You'll be surprised at what happens next!

SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED
Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the
chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes
to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish
though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack.
He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely
to get it somewhere else. He will either amaze his partner with his
sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed!

SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more
often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes
offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom
and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled.
But can u handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her
emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from
her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite
hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so
concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in
between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right
cuz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is
to grope their inner thigh in a public place!

CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20
Ruling Planet: SATURN

The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which
means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in
bed and beyond!! Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions,
so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If
you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a
Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said
before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all
night if they want to!

FAVE POSITION:
Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from
behind.

BEST SEX TOY:
An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the
randy goat.

CAPRICORN MALE IN BED
Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect
acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as
watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that
area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he
has committed to you.

CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED
She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough
nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel.
Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new
locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it
interesting.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN
Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them
up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area
is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to
the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get
them squirming.