Matthew is a preacher of the Lord who finds himself questioning faith when he is confronted by a street preacher carrying a large wooden cross. He decides that belief in God requires action, and he attempts to find new ways of reminding people that belief is forgiveness, redemption and unconditional love. Meanwhile, a couple mourn the untimely loss of their daughter, a woman finds herself on the street with her child, a man miraculously recovers from a coma in his hospital bed while a doctor questions whether it should be God who gets the credit or him. Then there's two partners in crime, who find themselves making the wrong decisions and paying for it. All of these people need guidance from God, and it's Matthew who has to be the one to lead them to it. Will the power of the cross, ultimately, save them all?

There are moments when time seems to stretch into infinity -- seconds are a lifetime and minutes are an eternity. You usually encounter this phenomenon while sitting in a dentist chair, waiting out that last hour of work, and, on occasion, watching a terrible movie. The Brothers Solomon grinds down time in the same fashion. What feels like a three-hour descent into boredom is only a 90-minute test of might -- pitting you against unlikable characters, horribly written dialogue, and direction that's as painful as a root canal.

The Brothers Solomon is destined to become a movie you find yourself watching on late night cable. As with most "comedies," the laughs are the focus and not the simple plot -- in this case, two home-schooled, degenerate brothers try to find a woman to impregnate in an attempt to fulfill their father's dying wish of having a grandchild. After all, absurd plots make for hilarious scenes, right? No, and the two Wills (Arnett as John and Forte as Dean) suck the life right out of this film with the help of director Bob Odenkirk. You may remember Odenkirk from HBO's Mr. Show with Bob and David or that Seinfeld episode in which Elaine is dating a med student taking his exams and she helps him study in the hopes of dating a doctor. If you watch The Brothers Solomon with your eyes closed (and you are not asleep), you would swear that the stale dialogue spoken in a self-aware, "look at me, I'm saying something funny" tone was coming straight out of Odenkirk's mouth.

Adam Lazarus's life is so sad -- gasp! -- that his first novel was rejected by one publisher! Can you believe it!? He's so despondent he throws the manuscript away along with his computer.

Putting aside the absurdity of the scenario that a writer would abandon his craft based on a single rejection for his first major work, Chapter Zero ultimately reveals itself as a pleasant enough -- though ultimately trivial -- little comedy.

Some awesome helicopter shots of showboating snowboarders tearing through powder on pristine 70-degree inclines runs under the opening titles of "Out Cold," an elementary comedy about party-hardy slope bums who use the word "dude" like a comma. The movie's closing credits play over some bloopers and the opening scene's badly biffed outtakes. The wipeouts are even more spectacular than the successful runs.

As for what's in between, therein lies the problem.

The entire plot is laid out in two lines of dialogue uttered almost back-to-back during the opening scene at a scruffy bar in rural Bull Mountain, Alaska. "Maybe the buyer can supply the mountain with what it really needs: really hot chicks!" exclaims one interchangeable stoner dude, regarding the greedy developer who wants to turn the town into an Aspen-like resort of condos and $4 cups of coffee. About 30 seconds later, he pipes up again to opine on the love life of a pal who is still pining for an old girlfriend: "Rick, you're an idiot not to go for Jenny!"