Tag: A Movie That Doesn’t Do The Game Justice

Tag is an interesting movie to talk about. It’s got a very unique premise but it’s the most bland and forgettable movie I’ve seen all year. I saw this movie on a dead quiet Sunday in a cinema full of teenagers who stopped paying attention to the movie when the plot started to kick off and that’s pretty much Tag in a nutshell, it’s a background movie. What I mean by that is something you put on in the background when you’ve got friends over or having a party or while you’re cleaning the house – you get the idea.

The Premise: So the movie is about playing the game Tag. You know that game you play when you’re a kid in the schoolyard or at a playground. I remember it but we called it Chasie and I sucked at it and I was a little whiny brat. (But enough about that.) So this movie is about these grown men who still play the game and it’s the reason why they are still very close. But since they’re grown men they only play it once every May and since it would be pretty ridiculous seeing grown men chasing each other they take it to the extreme by stalking each other to catch the other off guard like during a funeral service or whilst their wife is giving birth.

Meet The Real Life Tagger Bros

The selling point of the movie is it’s based off real people who actually did this. Which is an interesting thing to read in a newspaper or a TV Show. Normally people think it’s based off a true story so it’s automatically great but just because it’s based off a real thing doesn’t mean it’s good. About a year ago I saw this movie called Adrift (not the 2018 movie). It’s about a bunch of idiot teens who jump off a boat and they slowly drown. I thought the movie was really dumb but apparently it was based off real events even though I couldn’t find anything proving that. Does anyone remember Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor? Well I don’t because I haven’t seen it but from the footage I’ve seen it looks really bad. Or what about Titanic half the movie isn’t based on a made up love story. Or that terrible musical that I’ve reviewed that I don’t want to talk about right now.

Okay so now I’ve mentioned the reality part of this movie now it’s times for the fantasy side of it, aka the rest of the movie.

The Actual Taggers: So in my research and from the closing credits of the movie they really took that part ‘Inspired’ literally. The movie’s friends consist of 5 people instead of 10 in real life. The Main Characters consist of Ed Helms plays Ed Helms, Jon Hamm plays a Selfish Jerk, Jake Johnson plays a junkie, Hannibal Buress is the black guy who just makes snarky comments and Jeremy Renner who plays a literal psychopath.

Meet The Make Believe Tagger Psychopaths

We also have this reporter lady who just tags along with the guys, Isla Fisher who’s married to Ed Helms and she’s trying to top Jeremy Renner in who can be the most ridiculous character in this movie and Leslie Bibb as Jeremy Renner’s wife is just terrible. The thing that keeps coming up is that these people aren’t very likeable especially Ed Helms’s character who is easily the most despicable person of the lot and besides basically playing the same character he plays in every movie I think he is basically a sociopath.

Oh Yeah Here’s The Plot Of The Movie: Jeremy Renner has never been ‘It’ and apparently he’s retiring. (Because That’s How I Finish Games With My Friends!) So Ed Helms recruits his friends to ruin Jeremy’s wedding by making him ‘It’. The scenes when Ed Helms and the gang are chasing after Jeremy Renner are so laughfully terrible. With zoom ins, slow motion and basically copying The Matrix but terrible. The absurdity is present with Jeremy Renner’s Martial Art moves, death traps and escape routes that proves he deserves to be in a mental hospital same with everyone else. I’m just curious how he always got away from these guys when he was a kid. I’m guessing these guys really suck at this game.

Man These Guys Need An Actual Hobby

Humor & All The Other Technical Stuff: If you know me I barely laugh in a theatre. Some of the humor in this movie is very hit or miss and most of it is a miss. It’s a very bland movie to look at too. The camera work and cinematography is just meh. I really don’t have any more to say about this section.

What Did I Just Watch Again?: Like I said earlier it’s a background movie. Nothing in this movie stood out to me besides the premise. I can barely remember half the jokes but I know they mostly involved butts, groins, snarky one liners, saying the ‘F’ word a lot, slap-stick and people falling over alot. Stuff you would’ve seen in a teen comedy because that’s the type of humor they like. Except the teens in my cinema couldn’t have cared less what was been shown in front of them. Tag is as forgettable as reading a news article like the movie is based on.

Conclusion: I think the worst type of movies are the ones that leave no impression on you. The ones that make you think you’ve just wasted a few hours of your life. Tag is a 5/10 a good movie to watch on Netflix while you’re on the toilet reading a funny article about people who play Hide and Seek at the age of 70.

Lastly if you read this far into the review then I would just like to say Your It.

Traaaa-Laaaa-Laaaaa

I changed the look of the site. The old look wasn’t working for me so I spent an hour before this review messing around with the different buttons. Leave a Like if you like it or don’t leave like if you don’t like it. (Either way I’m leaving it the way it is.)

Next up on my list is the new Jurassic Park movie and there will be more reviews on the way this coming week so stay tuned for that.

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