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05 November 2014

Death Eaters now control both chambers of Ministry of Magic

While the cowards at the Daily Prophet won't even say his name, this blogger has no such fear. I bring you a statement from the Dark Lord himself, Lord Voldemort, on the triumph of the Death Eater Party (DEP) in taking over both chambers of the Ministry of Magic:

Today, the reign of the muggles, the mudbloods, and the pureblood traitors among us is all but over. True, the current Minister of Magic is still a mudblood, but there is no serious doubt among our ranks that he will fall, and soon, leaving the Ministry, as it should be, in pureblood hands.

Our rise has been swift since our allies, the Koch Brothers, won the Battle of Citizens United, leaving the way clear for the muggle suppression movement that has brought us to this great penultimate victory.

Of course, much remains to be done. But thanks again to our allies, who subverted the vaults of Gringott's and thus allowed the flow of Dark Money to my coffers, our final triumph is assured. Indeed, as I gaze at the Electoral Map before me, I see clearly that we need not even implement measures to suppress muggle and mudblood turnout in the upcoming elections; they are suppressing themselves without our assistance.

Do not let impatience tempt you into foolishness, my Pureblood Army; the final victory will soon be ours, and the mudblood who calls himself "Minister of Magic" will fall to our Impeachment Spell, as the muggles fall to their lack of food, shelter, and medical care. Or as I like to call it, "AvadaKedavraCare."