Family estate planning: Where to begin

From the moment you dash out of bed in the morning to the second you place your tired head back on your pillow at night, you pride yourself in being a great parent to your children. You’ve got an action plan for all the day’s happenings, from preparing lunches to doctor visits, school projects and birthday parties. But what have you done to prepare for the day you can’t be there?

It’s not a pleasant topic, I know. But although we cringe at the thought of planning for such misfortune and leaving our families behind, it lingers in our minds.

The reality is that if you don’t make decisions now, someone else will make them for you. Day after day, overworked and hurried judges are faced with families that have lost a loved one and must make critical decisions based on limited information. The very decisions you’ve struggled with yourself, such as who will be the guardian of your children in your absence and who will make financial decisions for them until they’ve become adults, may be left up to a stranger who doesn’t know you.

These issues aren’t just related to money. Of course, you want to make sure your children are taken care of financially, but there’s so much more to plan for. Who do you want to raise your children? How will you preserve your intellectual and moral assets — the invaluable assets that you would have passed on to your children had you been around?

So, let’s put things into perspective. You and your spouse are on your way back from a long-anticipated date night. Suddenly the unexpected occurs; you’re involved in a tragic accident. The police arrive at your home to find your sitter (or your own teen) who, besides being shaken up about the news, can’t answer any questions such as who should be called to take care of the kids and who has the legal authority to do so. The people who spend the most time with your kids don’t automatically have that authority.

Since the police have no answers and are unable to reach the closest relative, they have no choice but to call Child Protective Services, and your kids are taken from their home to spend the night with strangers until everything can be sorted out.

Even if your relatives are reached and able to come support your children during this pivotal moment, would they be the people you would want to permanently raise your children?

Eventually, your case will go in front of a judge. Now put your judge’s robe on and take a look at your life and your family: Who looks good on paper? Is it your sister and brother-in-law who have great jobs and two children? On paper, they are picture perfect, but the court has no way of knowing about their household issues. Their long working hours and disciplining methods aren’t agreeable to your parenting style, and perhaps your niece and nephew have been affected negatively.

Is it your parents who have been close to your children since they were born? Your parents are also great candidates on paper. They appear healthy for their age and able to raise your children excellently. But the court has no way of knowing that your parents have been looking forward to their retirement after a lifetime of building a family and maintaining a small business. How will the court know that you’d never want to impose such a burden on your parents?

So what’s the solution?

When you decide and document who will raise your kids if you can’t, who will make financial decisions for them, and how you want them to be raised, you are doing the right thing by your family.

Most people believe that a will can solve it all. I’ve had clients who were misled into thinking that their half-inch-thick will took care of everything from their children to their finances. Still, I’ve found gaping holes that left children without proper care and family legacies at risk.

A simple will is simply not enough! Every parent should have a comprehensive plan. And the old “I don’t have much to leave behind” excuse is just not valid. Since when is parenting just about money?

If your estate-planning attorney hasn’t spent time asking you questions about your children, your values and your family dynamic, then the necessary decisions are not being made, and you should beware of the pitfalls in your plan.

As a parent, the outcome of any decision, made or not made, affects your children. With estate planning, you have the opportunity to make the best decisions possible for your family — decisions your family will benefit from for generations to come.

For more on estate planning for parents, stay tuned for Elise’s monthly column in South Florida Parenting. To schedule a free Family Wealth Planning Session with Elise call 305-860-8338 and mention South Florida Parenting.