things to do

I am just trying to get it down so I don't forget. Which happens a lot. My non-virtual journal entries tend to devolve into lists of things to do that never get done. This place is filling up fast with brainfarts. Here, take this clothespin.
If Google brought you here, I'm sorry. You are unlikely to find what you were searching for. But there's plenty to see if you care to browse around.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Bodies in Rest and Motion

Newton's first law of motion:"An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force."

It dawned on me that I have been in the Lou for about ten months. Sitting on my ass. Living in my head.

"Inertia = the resistance an object has to a change in its state of motion."

Ten months. Inertia is an apt description for this time. It may be that I have been in motion - moving with a constant speed in one direction but it is more likely that I have been sitting very still.

"A force is a push or pull upon an object resulting from the object's interaction with another object. Whenever there is an interaction between two objects, there is a force upon each of the objects. When the interaction ceases, the two objects no longer experience the force. Forces only exist as a result of an interaction."

For ten months I mostly insulated myself from interaction. From contact. From the push and pull of others.

"Objects at equilibrium (the condition in which all forces balance) will not accelerate."

Forces in me and applied to me. Balanced. No acceleration. No change in direction. I hovered.

"The net force is the vector sum of all the forces which act upon an object. That is to say, the net force is the sum of all the forces, taking into account the fact that a force is a vector and two forces of equal magnitude and opposite direction will cancel each other out."

A struggle inside between conflicting desires and drives. Opposing ambitions cancelling each other out. To a net force of zero.

Is it that I don't want anything or that I want too many things?

"All objects resist changes in their state of motion. All objects have this tendency - they have inertia. But do some objects have more of a tendency to resist changes than others? Absolutely yes! The tendency of an object to resist changes in its state of motion is dependent upon mass ... The more mass which an object has, the more inertia it has - the more tendency it has to resist changes in its state of motion."

Within the boundaries of my skin, deep in my being, I am massive like a black hole, a gravity well. All that dark matter collected in my pupils and the ends of my hair. To know that resistance to change is a tendency of all objects is somewhat of a comfort to me. I am not alone.

"For simplicity sake, all forces (interactions) between objects can be placed into two broad categories: contact forces, andforces resulting from action-at-a-distance"

Ten months of sitting still and then.

I bought a plane ticket to go visit G and RB before my favorite women moved away from the New York area.I emailed EH and asked if I could join the Mystech circus this summer.

And then I got an email inviting me to interview for an internship. I did. I got it.

So I am writing to you today from Brooklyn, NY where I will be for six months. It is muggy as muggy can be and I am a bit freaked out to be here. I am here as a reaction to an action-at-a-distance. And at least for the next six months I am in motion in a new direction. Doing something intern-y.

I am a little sad to leave my cloistered static life behind. A lot of the time it sucked. I berated myself and felt inconsolably lonesome and completely lost. But it was good too. Well, maybe it wasn't so good. But it was my life and it was familiar.

For the summer I had envisioned myself campaigning and volunteering (perhaps touring) and driving up to CU frequently to see My Guy and the good people of the 705. Ah, as the Yiddish saying goes: "Man plans and God laughs"

Thursday, June 22, 2006

right here right now

Saturday, June 03, 2006

confidences of a clothes horse

A lot of clothing designers devote their lives to making women look dumpy, slutty, or foolish. Perhaps it is not their intent but on the rack and on the body, the clothes say things like:

"I am built like a box."or"I seem to have misplaced my waist."or "I am a giraffe"or"Check out my boobs!"or"If I sit down these pants will split."or"I don't eat."or"I wish I was a streetwalker"or"I wish I was an Ikette"or"I wish I was a Diva."or"I really like sailboats/cats/puppies/ducks/flowers/whales/wolves/unicornsor"Hey, check out the giant flower/bow/beaded thingy on my ass/chest/shoulder/stomach/hip?"

Which is great if that's the look you're going for. Sometimes it is. (?!) The best of the fantasy clothes are in the junior's section of the department store. I love shopping in the junior's section. While the clothes are for the most part poorly made, they are an adventure. Color, sequins, metallics, stretchy fabrics, crazy patterns, asymmetric hemlines and necklines, beading - you name it. And you can get away with it when you are young. You are experimenting. You can get away with anything.

When I shopped as a young woman, somedays, there was a "why not" element to it. A stretchy gold knit top with rhinestones paired with a pink ballet tutu with purple flowers embroidered on it? Why not. Black velvet catsuit with a red and gold shiny vest? Why not. Stretch leopard print pants and glittery hello kitty t-shirt? Why not. The trick was finding an occassion to wear it. And when I couldn't I would just hop around in them at home. They were cheap and it was halloween, prom, ballet class, and a hollywood movie set all rolled into one. Good times.

But now I have reached an age at which junior's department occassions are few and far between in my day to day.

I have reached an age at which sometimes I need clothes that fit well and are flattering while also saying: "I am professional, responsible, and capable - respect me." I need boring, appropriate clothes that look good.

No easy task. Especially as a department store clearance shopper.I realize that we come in all shapes and sizes and style preferences vary but gosh golly sometimes I envy the men with their simple suits are uniforms convention.

As a gal slowly trying to get on the job interview trail the phrase "Business casual" drives me crazy. I hope gauchos are acceptable as business casual because I have three pairs of them. (What can I say, I'm gaucho wild.) I also hope that dusty purple leather shoes are acceptable as business casual.

But what I really want is to find a store where I can buy a really great white button down shirt for $20 or less. Y'know the kind of white shirt that made Lauren Hutton's tan look browner and her teeth whiter.