(or the emotive diary of a girl trying to adult her way through life)

Tag: limits

I had a go at trying on your shoes to get a grasp of your ways in managing to walk through life – to gain a better insight into your perceptions, your feelings, your methods of dealing with everything being thrown at you.

Now I’m learning that my feet continue to blister since I became stuck in these shoes I’m growing out of as they make my knees faint – yet I choose not to remove them. My heart has been hooked to these shoe laces which I tied so forcefully around my ankles and they make me tumble in useless worry for you. Yet I still long to jump in pools of rain, grind through slime and mud, crawl through weeds and thorns and climb rocky landslides for the person you no longer are.

These knots which stifle my lower limbs have now shrunk and it’s almost too futile to undo their strength and I’m struggling to let go. But slowly they are loosening themselves, and so is my heart as it remembers what it feels like to slip into a pair which fits me; which suits me; which doesn’t weaken my knees nor bruise my feet as I get through this rocky pathway life is unfolding ahead of me.

It’s now that I realise I should’ve never lost myself in your shoes when you don’t even think about stopping for a second to seek mine. It’s time to throw away the burdened closet of clogs belonging to strangers I no longer talk to and burn the sneakers and boots which others gave me
just because they ran out style – well I ran out of patience!I shall kindly return your pair to your cobbler friends – ­ they’re full of holes and tatters and I have finally accepted I cannot repair holes and tatters of those I once called mine.

I will ground myself firmly using my own two bare feet amidst the presence of burnt skin and scarred toes and allow earth’s soil to heal the wounds I’m unable to cure. Let clouds of rain pour down to nourish my senses, let bricks and stones trip me over and make me fall I will finally let my hands to pick myself up and stand tall by myself! For myself!