Some of you may know that my wife's grandfather, Stanley (please remember in your prayers) is an invalid suffering from dementia in addition to the emphysema, near blindness and near deafness. My mother-in-law is his primary caregiver although they do have a night nurse and help during the day. He was told he has 6 months to live 12 years ago and, while he's taken a turn for the worse in recent days, he has defied death repeatedly. He's been worse before and I'm convinced that he's not going to die before his wife (who, while elderly and often sick, is nowhere as near to death's door as he is) because he doesn't want to upset her; he's that kind of guy.

At any rate, my wife and mother-in-law have expressed their anger at God for allowing Grandpa Stan to continue to suffer in this state for so long. I know from my wife's perspective it has largely to do with the yoyo-ing, so to speak, of getting worse then getting better over and over again. You can only prepare yourself for your beloved grandfather's death and say goodbye so many times before its just hard to do it anymore. I think my mother-in-law has it worse as she's the one who takes care of him, but I'm sure there's more to it for her.

I'm having a hard time completely understanding their anger. I grew up around death. Three of my four grandparents were dead before I was born and my maternal grandmother died when I was 12 after a long bout with leukemia. My father's family were dying left and right by the time I graduated high school. Friends of the family died young from accident, disease, and suicide before I was out of middle school. Death is natural to me, so to speak, even the unnatural ones. So, for starters, I have a very hard time with their hard time dealing with death.

And then there's the anger at God. I don't think I've ever been angry at God, at least not in the way they are. I feel like I can't. He's God. He can do whatever He wants and it's not my job to understand it but to accept it. I'm not trying to make myself out as some Job-like person because I do ponder on the apparent injustice of cosmic things and even get a little upset, but this wonder has never cause actual anger at God. I always come back to, "He's God and you're not!"

I'd like to be more than a receptive ear and a shoulder to cry on, but I have no idea what to say in these kind of situations without sounding like trite. I've told my wife to talk to our priest, who is the chaplain at the local VA hospital and an old hand at end of life issues, but she always feels like she's bugging him, even though he's never (and would never) give that vibe off and most certainly would never tell anyone that. Anyone else out there ever dealt with something like this?

I'll be praying for you. I don't know what else to say, specifically, because I've never been in a situation where I would be angry at God. So, I just can't really relate. In my family, we had elderly relatives who suffered from this awful slow deterioration for many long years, and it made us suffer, too (especially my dad, who took on himself a lot of care for his aging and dying parents); but my close relatives were all non-believers, so they could not possibly be angry at God.

Maybe just don't say anything to them? Let it slide, see how it evolves?

I am sory that this has caused sych pain that even God is ridiculed. It is not our place to know a persons grief.

I read today's readings and found one reading that really helped me in a special and deep way even though I have read it many times before.

As follows:

Pauline Epistle

Rom 8:28-39

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Who shall bring a charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: "For Your sake we are killed all day long; We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter." Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I was very inspired to love God and place all hope in Him from these words. I hope it will help others as well.

You will all be remembered in my prayers.Don't be concerned too much with people's "anger" with God. It often happens in loving family relationships that we lose patience and become exasperated with those we love. I think its better to be angry with God than to be indifferent to Him, at least anger means there is some sort of relationship.The Psalmist is often angry with God. Look at how many times he asks God "how long?":"My soul also is greatly troubled;But You, O LORD—how long?""How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?""LORD, how long will the wicked, triumph?""How long, LORD? Will You be angry forever? Will Your jealousy burn like fire?"Don't be afraid- God is big shouldered enough to take our occasional exasperation and anger. His heart is infinitely large, and He loves us even if we get angry with Him at times.

« Last Edit: June 26, 2008, 06:58:41 PM by ozgeorge »

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If you're living a happy life as a Christian, you're doing something wrong.

He's been worse before and I'm convinced that he's not going to die before his wife (who, while elderly and often sick, is nowhere as near to death's door as he is) because he doesn't want to upset her; he's that kind of guy.

Shultz, some people believe that a person can refuse to go Home because they're not sure how a loved one would handle it. How would your MIL take it if her husband finally passed on? Could you and your family sit down with the two of them and discuss it, help your FIL see that his wife has a good support system?

« Last Edit: June 26, 2008, 07:05:40 PM by Myrrh23 »

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We all have a Black Dog and a White Dog inside of us. The One you feed the most eventually eats the Other.

All are tempted, but it is the courageous person who clings to God during the storm. For the Ego is a prison, but Christ is the Liberator

As a result of a thousand million years of evolution, the universe is becoming conscious of itself, able to understand something of its past history and its possible future.-- Sir Julian Sorell Huxley FRS