Mother’s Day 2016

As a mom, all I’m trying to do is raise my children to be loving, hardworking women. Girls who are strong and gentle, fiery & understandable, self assured and humble, confident in who they are, what they believe, & what how they feel. Girls who are thoughtful, caring, & sacrificial with amazing personalities, big hearts, & exceptional character.

All I’m trying to do is be a woman worth looking up to, imitating, listening to, seeking her advice on all things life/love/fashion/fun… I’d like to be the mom who is a has been a best friend, a support, encourager, the one who is taught, led by example, & sacrificed with joy for the well being of my daughters (& hopefully one day a son? Or another daughter? Or two??)

…. And, make it to bedtime every night.

As I mother (especially as a single mama) I’m learning so much more about the difficulty of mothering well. It’s not easy….. We have the greatest impact on our children’s emotional well being. As children we had no idea that our parents’ lives aren’t centered around us and that they were actually people……. it wasn’t until I was older that I realized that they are indeed people who have hurts & pasts, who are struggling to deal AND raise productive little people who know & feel love. Who know acceptance, hard work, responsibility, & deep relationships.

So we have a work to do. As mamas, as women, as leaders, friends, wives, daughters. We have a responsibility to the generations that follow to be whole people. Whole people who know & love the Lord, who live our beliefs out loud. Who seek help for hurts so they aren’t passing down those issues to their babies, who aren’t lashing out because of unresolved issues, who are emotionally stable & able to separate their concerns/fears/hurts from their babies needs. It’s hard. Their are days that outside frustration & exhaustion can be hard to hold, difficult to let go of. But, from my baby’s perspective…… How confusing is it to be treated with hostility & frustration for no fault of their own? How do we feel when someone comes at us with an attitude out of the blue??

One of the hardest things for me to learn how to do is not isolate & shut down when I’m stressed, hurt, frustrated or exhausted. My habit is to literally shut down- no talking, no socializing, no engaging. But, man! How hard is that on my babies? How difficult is it for them to reach out to me for hugs, comfort, to read a book or touch my nose (their favorite body part) only to be met with a hostility or mom who isn’t “all there”, who waves them off, or ignores them completely? How is that helping to build our relationship? Is it causing them to trust me or fend for themselves? What I’ve learned to do is put all of that stuff aside and deal with it after I’ve loved on them, played with them, & put them to bed. My issues aren’t theirs and they shouldn’t bear the brunt of them.

But it isn’t easy and we aren’t perfect.
So, friends. Counseling. Sounding boards. Relationships. The gym. Alone time. Self care. Dinners out. Vacations alone. Naps. Wine. All the advice. All the people. All the moments. All the girl time. It’s all needed. It’s all so important to our emotional health. We forget about ourselves because we give so freely, intentionally, unintentionally. Out of habit, sacrifice, expectation (our own & others).

My sweet friend hosted a Mother’s Day brunch the day before the day & it filled my near empty mama heart so well. To be surrounded by other mamas who are going through the same parenting (nightmares) experiences and have the same fears was so comforting. We have the same little girls give the massive amounts of sass only to back door with the sweetest love…. It’s scary, it’s hilarious, & definitely lets you know you aren’t going through mommyhood alone. My girl has 4 month old twin girls and loved us all so well.

Then, there was Beyoncé.

My little sister invited me along to this machine of a genius’ concert and I loved every bit of it. We laughed and sang and danced…….. It was needed. A day of friends and music. A day of being understood and encouraged. Inspired and challenged.

At the beginning of every experience, we have these dreams and ideas of what life is going to be like during that time. We have unrealized & set expectations from our past, things that we’ve seen, or even what we’ve intentionally picked up & wanted to model. I wasn’t sure how this Mother’s Day was going to go or how I would feel. Single parenting was never on my radar & Mother’s Day is THE day (along with birthdays!) that you’re to be showered with love & surprises. I initially thought I’d be sad at the fact that there wouldn’t be any gifts or breakfast waiting for me when I woke up. But, seeing my girls happy faces and watching them play together was the best gift. Our happiness, peace, and this insane bond we have… The fact that I am even celebrating Mother’s Day with these babies is enough. Everything else is icing on the cake.

Mother’s Day weekend was perfect. It ended with dinner at my mother in laws, the girls playing with their cousins, & me napping on the couch.