December 15, 2014

The Lords of Karma have a very weird sense of humor

I’m starting to think the Lords of Karma have a very weird sense of humor. I’ll give you an example.

I lost my glasses last month. So I’ve been walking around half blind (glaucoma). I ordered a new pair of glasses at the local eye clinic. And they said they’d be ready in two weeks. But when I show up the receptionist tells me: “Gee, wuddaya’ know, we forgot to mail in your order. You’ll have to wait another two weeks.”

GRRRR….

Fucking idiots. So I end up spending an entire month staggering around half-blind.

So the other day I go back to the eye clinic to FINALLY pick up my glasses. But first they make me wait in the reception area for a half hour before they give me my glasses.

I’m already pissed about waiting an extra two weeks to get my glasses because of THEIR fuck-up. And now I got to wait some more. For glasses I already paid a hundred bucks for. In the best of times, I have the patience of a flea. But now my nerves are already shot from the massive rainstorm that fell on my homeless head the night before. So I’m sitting there in the reception area just SEETHING with silent rage. I read all 5 issues of the latest PEOPLE magazine (Taylor Swift is single and dealing with it. Jennifer Anniston has a bold and daring new hair-cut, etc.) until the receptionist FINALLY calls my name.

I try on my new glasses. Look in the mirror. They look hideous. “These aren’t the frames I ordered!” I said. “I would never pick frames like these. They’re too big and they have this hideous silver trim.” The eye clinic has fucked up my order AGAIN!

“Take a seat in the reception area and we’ll see if we can straighten this out,” said the receptionist.

I sit back down. Wait ANOTHER half hour. Re-read all 5 issues of PEOPLE magazine (Britney Spears is on the verge of making some kind of comeback and doing well. Bruce Jenner is turning into a woman and feels real good about it. etc, etc). Now I’m REALLY seething, like I’m on the verge of COMPLETELY cracking up and making some kind of big, ugly scene right in front of everyone in the eye clinic.

FINALLY the receptionist calls my name. The optometrist looks up my order on her computer. “According to our records these are the frames you ordered.”

At this point, the one little shred of common sense that I still have within my psyche kicks in. “Hmmm. Now that I think of it. My eyesight is so bad, I might have picked these frames after all, but I couldn’t see what they looked like until now.”

Now I’m completely confused. I grab my new glasses and stomp out of there.

* * *

Later, I’m telling Hate Man the whole story about how the fucking idiots at the eye clinic forgot to mail in my order for two whole weeks and etc, etc.

Hate Man said: “That reminds me. Did you get around to mailing that letter I gave you two weeks ago to mail to my sister?”

I sit there in silence for several seconds with my mouth open and that dumb-guy-who-is-suddenly-achieving-comprehension facial expression on my face. Realized I had forgotten all about it.

“Oh fuck!” I said.

I dig through my still-soggy backpack. Find Hate Man’s soggy letter curled up at the bottom of my pack.

“Well, at least you didn’t lose it (you fucking idiot),” said Hate Man.