Minutes (4)

Here’s another leaked document from my contact who is certainly not me. This time it’s on behaviour policy. As a rule, my policy is that everyone has to behave, apart from me. Subscribe to http://www.teachsecondary.com or I’ll not be pleased and no-one wants that.

New Behaviour Policy Meeting

Present: DR, PT, AA

Apologies from: The entire senior leadership team

Meeting held in: DR’s room, as he has biscuits

ITEM 1: Rationale behind updating the behaviour policy

The old one is 87 pages long and seems specifically designed to be so complicated that by the time anyone follows the procedure any kid will have stopped exhibiting any type of unwanted behaviour as they will have left school, grown up and died from old age.

“Guess that’s one way of dealing with it,” commented DR.

It has been decided that the policy is well overdue a renewal, especially given the recent behaviour of Y9, who are starting to exhibit character traits, attitude and responses seemingly inspired by post-apocalyptic literature and film, “and that’s not even on the scheme of work,” stated PT.

ITEM 2: New policy suggestions

Suggestions as to what the new policy should look like were taken.

PT seemed fairly enthused by this:

“What we need to do is create a space where students can air their grievances. Somewhere non-threatening without any sharp lines or corners. Some sort of circular construction maybe. A dome perhaps. And in it, we can place tools that will allow the students to manifest their aggression and…”

“We are not building the Thunderdome out of Mad Max,” stated LR. “For one thing, we haven’t got the budget for chainsaws.”

A card system was suggested where students would be given colour coded cards for infractions of the policy. Green for good behaviour, yellow for a warning and red for a punitive measure.

“I for one,” asserted AD. “am not waving a red card at Theresa in 9BB. Can you imagine it? It’d be like slapping an angry bull on its nose. She’d go mental. Start smashing up china shops and everything.”

There were a fair few nods and mutterings of agreement.

Whatever form was agreed, it was made clear that it would be essential that the senior leadership team should be visible at all times, taking the lead in carrying out and supporting any punitive measures, and allowing students to see that the entire staff are a cohesive whole and that there is consistency throughout.

ACTION: Find a member of the senior leadership team and inform them of this, seeing as none were able to attend the meeting due to them being elsewhere on important senior leadership team business.

Other suggestions included:

Krav Maga and small arms training for staff
Some form of pen/corral for Theresa
Restorative practice (“I need a restorative after 9BB, that’s for bloody sure”)
An emphasis on positive reinforcement
Thunderdome
Battle Royale
Hunger Games

It was agreed that whatever form the policy takes, it needs to be clear, concise, easy to understand, and feature absolutely no chainsaws.

AOB

There were a couple of other things that were needed to be run by the senior leadership team but y’know. Meh.

Many thanks to DR for the biscuits

Meeting adjourned: in time for everyone to get down to the gym for some strength training in preparation for Teresa’s return.