Suddenly obsessed with whether or not I’m “tight” (26F)

I’m pretty new to this, so I’m sorry if something similar has been posted before and I just didn’t see!

I’m suddenly really, really worried I’m not tight enough. This might be partially because my last sexual partner (M) had a little more girth than my current partner, but I absolutely love sex with my current partner and don’t feel like he’s lacking or anything. It feels great to me, but it does feel a little different and I’m worried I’m not giving the resistance he needs to feel good. We’re also in a long-term relationship and he hasn’t been initiating sex lately, which might be making me extra self-conscious.

I don’t really finger myself a lot (I prefer other ways of getting off on my own) but as I’ve started to freak out about this I’ve been feeling around more. My vaginal opening and the first couple of inches inside myself feel pretty tight, but if I put my fingers all the way in when I’m laying down, I can feel myself open up and there’s like… a more empty space. When I’m standing it doesn’t feel empty, it just feels like there’s less resistance there, and it feels a little different depending on position and how aroused I am, etc. But I’m really bothered about it. I’ve always had a lot of insecurities about my body but this feels uniquely painful.

I’m a grown-ass woman and I’m crying at the kitchen table writing this post, so maybe the issue is more psychological than I’d like to admit. In any case, I would really appreciate your honest thoughts/experiences. I know I’d probably toss the “love your body” advice at this post – while that’s absolutely valid and I should work on that too, I’d love to know if anyone else has noticed this either in their own body or a partner’s, and if sex still feels good for the penis-carrying party involved.

TL;DR – I feel an open space a few inches into my vagina and I’m worried it makes sex less pleasurable for my partner.

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cityzombie: I’m sure you are normal! As someone who had an iud twice, I’ve had to do a lot of finger action to check that lol and it felt the same for me up in there! I’m sure other ladies will be able to give you some more reassurance too. If you’re really worried, get some kegal balls! They are good for you to use anyway to tone your pelvic floor for many reasons, wouldn’t hurt to use em.

gregary1: You are tight enough. Like you said, you might have other issues causing your concern. It’s just your mind has crystallised on this issue… Which is a non issue. The opening up you felt its the same anatomical architecture every woman has. I think there may be an issue with your boyfriend who has gone off intimacy, and your insecurities that seem to have come together to crystallise on a fictitious issue. Dig deep in yourself and talk to your boyfriend.

Responsible_Pin: > This might be partially because my last sexual partner (M) had a little more girth than my current partner, but I absolutely love sex with my current partner and don’t feel like he’s lacking or anything. It feels great to me, but it does feel a little different and I’m worried I’m not giving the resistance he needs to feel good.

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how does your current partner feel different?

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nobodyofinterest4you: So, I read your situation a bit differently. Before you start worrying about your physical tightness, I would sit down with you bf and have a conversation. Communication is key in any relationship. So try communicating and seeing what is going on and what he says is the reason he is initiating sex less.

Have things changed in your lives recently which has caused additional stress and lower libido for him? Is there anything else going on in his life that could be making sex less of a priority right now?

If you want to work on the tightness of your vagina you can do kegel exercises to help strengthen your vaginal muscles. You can also kegel during sex for a completely different experience.

I hope this helps you to get to the answers you desire.

sandstrummer: TBH I think tight vaginas are overrated. I’ve been with pretty roomy vaginas and it still feels amazing. I can’t imagine a vagina not feeling amazing, unless it’s dry, and you can solve that with lube.

840pickwickguy: Women who have had multiple children are/can be great sex partners. I am not sure how big your last partner was, just guessing his penis was not as big as a babies head.

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Picklerick5339: I would say ask him… its sucks but then you know. I’ve been with plenty of girl and some are tighter then others. But really it’s all about the position. Riding on top good, will make any man blow!

SmallishBiGuy: Your vagina is definitely normal. The shape of a vagina when fully aroused and tenting is like the shape of an incandescent light bulb. It fans out wide at the top, then is more snug at the bottom. It’s snug towards the opening because that is where the pelvic floor muscles are, but also because the lower portion gets congested with blood particularly really close to the opening and that congestion causes a little bit of closure.

Vaginas definitely do come in different sizes. I’ve experienced at least 31. The bigger ones felt really awesome too, it just felt as if it was just a little bit bigger (could have benefitted from a bigger penis). It still felt really good though. All that matters is that there is sufficient contact especially enough to roll the foreskin back and forth on the penis. So many other things factor into contribute to the pleasure of penetration. Other things that variables is the texture of the walls, the amount of elasticity, and the amount of wetness. All of this varies from one partner to the next. It’s life.

In the end, I’m sure your vagina is probably average size. When you are laying on your back and pushing your fingers and attempting occurs more because the vagina is slanted towards the small of the back and gravity is assisting and pulling things in word and wider. When you’re standing up the pressure from your other organs is pushing down slightly on your pelvis and making the pelvis a little more. So you feel the walls against your fingers a little bit more and there’s a little less of a chance for air to balloon your vagina out. In doggy position the vagina balloons out the most because the belly can sag towards the floor a little bit. Pressure in the pelvis is lower, air moves in.
And missionary, depending on the woman and if the hips are tilted upward, the vagina will balloon out in that position as well.

Edit: I sympathize with you a lot because I’ve been very unsatisfied with my penis size even though it’s average.

zombiewhore69: It probably feels “less tight” to you because your current partner’s girth is smaller than your last partner’s. I’ve been with penises of various girths and the skinnier ones make me feel less tight, but I know I’m not less tight. I’ve even had a kid. Just try to get out of your own head about it. Your vagina is fine. If you need to “feel tighter” try doing kegels while you’re having sex. Feels really good!

sevendimes9: If you want to make yourself tighter, it is all about pelvic floor strength. MUSCULAR vaginas feel wonderful, like bet ever. Looser vaginas don’t feel as good to me. Getting squeezed by my partner when she is cumming is one of the best things ever.

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Kegals, yoga, and working your abs are how you can improve.

Sexiestoftimes: I think you hit the nail on the head when you talked about the variability. There are so many factors that contribute to it, I wouldn’t even try and catalogue yourself. What’s more you are feeling it with fingers with the benefit of sensation both from your fingers and within your vagina compare that to a guy who’s probably totally focused on and enjoying the act of penetration rather than trying to determine your relative elasticity.

You are all good!

vancerefer: The education system has failed you sweetie. Most of this is anatomy 101. Youre fine.

Sometimes when a couple gets comfortable and the newness wears down we tend to get lazy around each other. Not a bad thing but something that needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand. Try something new in the bedroom. Get a little freaky. Spice it up and then work on keeping it at that level. It’s just another part of relationships.

Apprehensive_Plum: I have two partners(consensually non-monogamous) once partner is big and thick and the other very average. I have been with the bigger partner for many more years and delivered two children, the average partner has literally no complaints. It really isn’t likely this is an issue of tightness lacking. But I do understand as tightness is the the woman like dick size is to the man. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many times you are told it’s perfect you still wonder…

engr77: There’s a lot more to feeling than simple pressure. I would say that my girlfriend really doesn’t feel exceptionally tight, but that’s because she’s very anxiously awaiting me sliding inside of her, so everything is extremely warm and wet. That feeling, knowing how badly she wants me, not to mention the raw pleasure from that warmth and wetness, does way more for me than some extra squeeze. I can get that from my hands masturbating.

Her vagina feels like a slice of heaven to me.

LearnsFromExperience: Bear this in mind: a vagina was “designed” to birth a full-term child. There’s not a man in existence that’s remotely that big. The vagina is a muscle that stretches and returns back to normal. Once you reach adulthood, it doesn’t get bigger or smaller, or tighter or looser. It just is. If you’re feeling insecure, you can do kegel exercises, which will allow you to “tighten up” at will.

blondepegger: You can do a few things, kegel exercises are good, however you can do various exercises that are good for the body as well as that. If you do squats, lunges, and maybe some bike riding it helps.

sinscyanide: If you are really concerned, do kegals to make yourself feel like you are being “your best self”. Or they have weighted balls you can put inside and hold up there to tighten yourself up, or jade eggs…etc. Vagina’s come in all shapes and sizes, and its extremely hard to “bust” it out of shape badly, so unless you’ve had a train of 100 men going at it with you…you should be fine. But for your own concern you could do one of the previous mentioned tactics…although, don’t overstrain your muscles. Moderation is key!