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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Day Long Headache

Lately I haven't been much into the world of blogging. When I try to read other blogs, the glow of the screen gives me a headache after about 30 minutes. Then when I sit to ponder what to write about, I come up with nothing. The holidays are fast approaching, I already feel myself crashing.... emotionally & physically.

Today I saw a psychiatrist. It's been a long time since I've been on the waiting list and took countless of crying episodes in the doctors office for the referral to be pushed forward. The consultation was interesting. There was the usual continuous questioning without any feedback. I've been though the assessment procedure before and they always leave me numb and with a headache. The wait after the assessment was a blur of looking at my fingernails and playing Zombie Farm. When I got to sit down with the "team" to hear what they had to say I already felt exhausted.

The results were nothing surprising: I'm depressed. I'm anxious. I have a distorted body image. I'm still struggling to get grips on my eating disorder. The man who delivered all of this old news was very blunt and even a little bit "drill Sargent-like". The direct, honest and even a little bit mean approach is what I seem to respond best to. He told me that I had to change my belief system in order to solve my issues, that I need to actually attend treatment.

Okay. Probably doesn't help that I have canceled my weekly appointments with the Psychologist due to financial reasons. Chris will be laid off of work soon and for the next few months our budget will be tight. Thankfully the options this Psychiatrist is offering is covered by insurance. The new year I will part of psycho-therapy and education group.

It scares me to think that I will have to actually vocalize my feelings and thoughts to a group of people. One on one or writing is a totally different format that I have just started to get used to but still not totally comfortable with.

Well that's all I'm going to ramble on about for today... my headache is starting to get worse. The computer isn't helping but I needed to vent. Sadly it's too hard for me to talk to people about what's going on, so writing on this blog is a pathetically weak way of me saying that I need a hug. It's weird, knowing that there are people reading this and being supportive helps.

You should try turning down the brightness on your screens :), all of them, home, work and phone! I had the same issue before when I got my new monitor, and when Mo got her new comp. EVEN if you think it is not that bright now, turn them down and it will help for sure! I am looking at computer screens for about 10 hours a day and dont get headaches; also make sure you are hydrated, drink you regiment of 8 cups of water a day, I am usually at 4 but whatever lol.

It is really good you are getting to see people about your issues, it might be hard to express yourself to them in that atmosphere, but vocalizing your issues often generates thought on it, hopefully inducing change where needed! Keep an open mind, I believe you to be a strong person and I am sure you will get what you need out of this! Release the inner dragon!!!!?...???? :S?

I have to say I admire you for being so brave and forthcoming about such an intimate issue. I am glad to hear that you are seeking help and sad also that there are things not working on your favour. But I think, all will be well in the end as you will see.

Dude. Headaches suck ass. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself! When I got headaches from the computer, I found that I needed glasses. That isn't nearly as bad as what you were told, but it still sucked for somebody as vain as myself who never, ever dreamed of wearing glasses.Also, I have been to group therapy meetings, and, really, they can be fun once you get comfortable. You seem like a nice, interesting person, and I am sure that you will be great. <3 They'll love you, honey! xoxo. Stay strong.

I admire you for writing about your problems. I wish I could, but I'm just not ready for people to know, I feel like I talk about things too much already with my counsellor. I hope you feel better, and thankyou for your comment on my blog! http://haveyoueverfalleninlove.blogspot.com/