Monday, March 23, 2009

Street Fighting Skillz for Girlz

This is my big sister, Jo Ann. This picture was taken sometime in the 80s. Like you can't tell. Jo Ann will tell you that her name is Jonni, and technically she did have it legally changed when she was an adult.

Yeah, whatever. No one else in our immediate family will refer to Jo Ann by her soap opera name, but all of her friends don't know her by anything else. Honestly, I can't even say her soap opera name without giggling, but that's beside the point.

The point of this post is that I learned my street fighting skills from my big sis. She's one big bad a*@. This is a family blog, so I just can't bring myself to spell it out. Plus my Mama Llama reads it and she would frown upon such language.

Anyway, Jo Ann has a bad temper and when she was a teenager, she had a real bad attitude to go with it. She's not the least bit concerned about exercising restraint either. Tick her off, be prepared to pay. It's that simple. Growing up, everyone was afraid of her. I think even my Mama Llama was afraid of her.

Everyone was afraid of Jo Ann not just because of her temper, but because she would regularly kick the butts of the bully boys in our neighborhood. We had some nasty boys in our neighborhood too, so there was lots of butt kicking to be done.

One time I was climbing the fence in our backyard and the nastiest boy in the neighborhood, Robbie, pulled my pants down. Thankfully Jo Ann was there. She smacked him to the ground and started beating the crap out of him. I can't even tell you how much my heart swelled with pride.

Robbie was crying and sputtering and she was all "You pervert!" [BAM BAM BAM] "You don't pull my sister's pants down!" [BAM BAM BAM] "You psycho sex maniac! Get out of here and don't come back!" He was all holding his arms up in the air, bleeding and saying "I'm sorry man, I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."

He was so lying though. He was incapable of learning his lesson. That boy was NAY-asty.

Then he hit puberty and he got real big. Thank goodness we moved away from the hood right about that time. I don't even want to know what became of him.

Jo Ann didn't just kick the butts of the nasty boys in the neighborhood. Pickle and I got our butts kicked too, although usually she didn't make us bleed. She was satisfied to stop at making us cry.

I remember one time when we were teenagers, rolling around on the floor, wrestling for the chance to pick the t.v. channel. I wanted to watch Gilligan's Island and she wanted to watch Star Trek. Oh geez, she was the biggest Star Trek freak and I hated Star Trek. Captain Kirk was just so exhausting to watch because it took him 15 minutes to complete a simple sentence. Puh-leeze, not Star Trek again. Jo Ann even went to a Star Trek Convention once, she was that into it. Talk about a Freak Fest. Anyway, we were out for blood and I rolled her over to pin her, and in the process I slammed her head up against the corner of one of the kitchen cabinets.

The next thing I knew she was clutching her head and bleeding all over the place. Head injuries bleed a lot, who knew? I should probably mention that although my sister was tough, she was kind of a whimp when it came to blood and things like having the tangles combed out of her hair. Oh man, she would scream. So she discovered that she was bleeding and she gets even madder, but panicky at the same time. "You bleep, you bleeping made me bleed. You bleep bleep." I was all "Yeah! Score!" But then it registered that now she was going to really make me pay, and I was going to be the one bleeding next. Lucky for me, she had to go to the hospital for stitches so the butt kicking was put on hold. Whew!

I would like to say that I got to enjoy Gilligan's Island and bask in the joy of my victory, but I was too panicked that she was going to KILL ME when she got home. And they were probably going to have to shave part of her head for the stitches, so she was going to be even more ticked off. Yep, I was dead meat.

I had like three hours to obsess over my butt kicking. I called all my friends to get their opinion, and they all said I was going to get my butt kicked too. "Hide. Hide well." they said.

So my mom pulls into the driveway with my sister, and I start running back and forth, trying to find a hiding place, deciding that each one wasn't good enough, then running out to find another one. I was a mess. A big ol' chicken butt mess.

It was all very anticlimactic though, because my sister walked in the door with my mom and she had a headache. She had a headache. Can you believe my luck? I live to fight another day. Yes!

The next day Jo Ann had cooled down considerably, but she still had a reputation to uphold so she was all "I am still going to get you, you bleep."

That's all I remember. I don't recall getting a butt kicking, but maybe it was so traumatic that I just blocked it from my memory.

In the interest of passing on some of my excellent street fighting skills to our girls, we started coaching them young.

In this picture Zoe is three and Annika is one. We were chanting "Get her Annie! Get her!"

All that rolie polie-ness tends to roll right off the target.

That's okay, Annie's still able to connect one.

When Annika turned three and Zoe was five, we started them in Tiny Tiger Karate lessons. We want to make sure that when they go on a date, they can back up their NOs with a little can of whoop a#$.

Here they are bowing in, preparing to give a little demonstration.

Annika is a little like Jo Ann. She's serious about her whoopings. Her favorite part of karate is the kicks. She likes to do them fast and she doesn't know her strength. Or maybe she does.

Zoe is our Delicate Flower and every injury is magnified tenfold on the Pain Meter and its corresponding Attention Seeking Scale.

They look like they're having fun here though, don't they?

Oops. Spoke too soon.

I love Annika's face here. Zoe was all "WAAAAAAAAH!" and Annika looks like she's thinking "Oopsie." In fact, I'm pretty sure she was. She knows what a Drama Llama Zoe is so I think she was just waiting to see if there was going to be any blood to follow up with all that racket. She probably thought blood would have been super cool.

No blood though, just drama.

"WAAAAAAH!"

I love this. They still have to bow out, but can you see that look on Zoe's face? Girlfriend knows how to hold a grudge. She talks through her gritted teeth and I can just hear her, "Anni-KA! You are such a meaner! That wasn't very nice!"

I don't know if we're going to be able to instill some street fighting skillz into Zoe Bug, but I think our work is done with Stinkerbell.

How funny! I was Jo Ann once upon a time. I made the neighbor girl eat mud before I would play with her. She ate the mud and then I let her play with me as long as she did everything I said. What a nice obedient girl she was. We were friends until her family moved. My girls do not have the Jo Ann in me, they are wayyyy to nice, except to each other.

I don't ever recall having a physical fight with my sister, but I do remember poking on my little brother a few times. Now that brother is about 6'4" and I wouldn't poke on him now or he'd wipe me off the face of the earth.

It is probably a good thing your girls are taking karate. The way this crazy world is, probably a good thing for them to have basic skills.

Those pictures of the girls are ADORABLE! And, if you never got your butt kicking from your big sis for the head injury, you may be getting it now after posting that picture of her! So classic 80's and she looks all gangsta too! I LOVE IT!!

OK - I am still afraid your sister is going to come kick your butt for writing that post about her. Good luck - however I am happy to know that if she comes and tries you can stick those little cuties out in front of you to karate chop her! Funny Post! Brought back memories of my brother kicking the living daylights out of me - those were the days!

I always wanted to punch my older brother, but because he angered me so I felt like I might really hurt him, and I was afraid of what might happen......go ahead, call me chicken. You're so funny, neighbor.

Well, Jilly. I remember that fight well, and it wasn't over TV......we were teenagers, and it was over the phone. You were hogging it talking to your stupid boyfriend for hours, and I wanted to use it. Those were the days before call waiting, or cell phones. Also, when I first started bleeding, I thought I hurt you, and I felt really bad......then I realized that it was coming from me as I was on top of you and it was dripping down my face. I never wanted to hurt you guys.....I just wanted you to THINK I would hurt you!! :)

Fantastic post! We've enrolled our 5 y/o boy in Karate...there's a LOT of punk kids in our neighborhood and well, if he's going to need to kick some butt, I want him to be able to do it properly. Besides, it'll only take one good whoopin' for the other kids to know not to mess with him. You're a smart mommy for putting your girls in! My girls will be too!

Funny, my brothers and I still laugh about the day I became a street fighter.. I was never the tough chick and got picked on relentlesly until one day the bee-hatches followed me home and said something about my brothers.. then it was ON sister! I don't even remember much, though the bros can recall it vivid (and I'm sure imbleshed) detail!

These pics and this post will go down in family lore, mark my words.

Stopped by to say thanks for the comment wub on my big SITS day it was a blast!

Oh my gosh! I was laughing my butt off during your story with your sister!! I have one I should post about JaNae and I but it wasn't quite that graphic. Although, she never did hit me again after that!! :) Great story!

I'm glad you put that on your favourite post list. It was even funnier the second time around. I am almost crying from laughing so hard...it probably stems from the fact that I have my own Drama Llama and Street Fighter. I haven't been brave enough to put them in any classes though...

Also I saw you girls on the sidebar in the "thing 1, thing 2" shirts and assumed twins (not sure why) so when you read my first comment and I say "btw, I have twin boys" it will sound completely ridiculous. I promise I am not crazy...well, in a psycho kind of way, anyways :)

That is too funny! I'm so glad today was your SITS day, because I totally needed to see that picture of your sister and crack up. BTW, I hope she doesn't beat you up for posting that. I mean, that would totally defeat the purpose of the picture bringing smiles and laughter to thousands of SITSas today. And it's so awesome that your girls are learning to kick butt, too, I think that's a good thing for girls to know how to do!

AMEN! Every girl could use a can of whoopa#@ in her back pocket. hehehe Love that last photo. How could you hold the camera still enough to take it? You must have been laughin like a hyena! Really really cute pics. Happy SITS day!

He he! I love your sister story. My brother and I used to fight pretty bad too. I'm so glad my kids are 7 1/2 years apart and aren't as physical as we were. My son just yells at my daughter and she cries:) Pretty much constantly..yay for me.

The BEST post to start my day. I think Jo Ann, I mean 'Jonni', is my sister's twin :o)Love the pics of your girls. Mine just turned 4 and we are putting her in Tae Kwon Do. She's aggressive and I've found her smackin' a boy at school with her water bottle because he wanted hugs and kisses - and she is not into that. I was enjoying watching his butt get kicked a bit. even though he is only four :o)

That pic of your sister reminds me of Crystelle Harmon in grade school. Man, she was one baaaaaad chick. If she was having a bad day and you were in her line of sight you were going to get your butt kicked. If she got in trouble in class or humiliated by our jerk teacher she was going to take it out on one of us at recess. It was exhausting!

My sister was too much younger than me (7yrs) for us to ever do much of that kind of fighting. By the time she got old enough that we would have been competing over the same things I was out of the house in college!

I had a Jo Anna type girl in my 'hood when I was a wee lass and she scared the living snot right out of me. Of course, she didn't just prey on potential pedophiles, but also on poor, innocent, sweet, little girls like moi. Of course, she later grew up to become a crack ho (for reals....not a lie) so I guess she got hers in the end!

YOU are a crack up though....I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog....

Over from SITS, all right, that's it; I'm following now, and I haven't even gotten to your third post. It could be about apple cores and I'd still follow after those first 2 posts. Terrific story, adorable girls -- great photos, apt descriptions. Love the blending of the two generations of sister tales. And love "Hide. Hide well." and Zoe's expression in the last photo the best. Glad to meet you and your family. Only, I thought I was going to learn how to be anal and organize my life; now that I ponder, I hope that 3rd post isn't about apple cores unless you teach me to compost them alphabetically or something.

WOW! That is so hilarious!! I was the butt kicker in my family, but i was a humble and fair butt kicker, so they only got it when they deserved it. I love this post, thanks for sharing!-Robinwww.robingillis.blogspot.com

That was the funniest post EVER ;-) I used to get my butt kicked by my big bro all the time (but of course no one else was allowed to touch me, tee hee). So glad you don't remember the butt-kicking if there was one...I'm sure it would have been bad! Your sis looks like she could hold her own, hehehehe.

I didn't have a sister, but I had a brother who was bigger than me by the time he was 6 mo. old (I was about 3 yrs old) & has continued the trend ever since. Fortunately I survived & learned how to fight back (I could think & move faster). I'm sure your daughters will find a way to balance things out & learn to love each other, no matter what.Thanks for posting this great story.

Happy SITS day to you! How funny, and how cute your little ninja girls are!My sister is also named Joanne, andshe insisted everybody call her "Josie" when she became a teenager, which she is known as to this day. I guess Joanne is not a cool name for a teenage girl!

I think we've all had a Jo Anne in our lives. My older sister was the same way. I'm 23 now and I'm still scared of my older sister...ha ha! We'll be in our 90's and she'll be bossing me around. It's ok, I love her and what are big sisters for. Do thing 1 and 2 practice their karate on peanut head? LOL! XOXO

Your sister is awesome--- chasing that mean boy off that dropped your drawers. My brother was that person in my life. All the time people would say-- don't mess with her she's got BIG brothers. It was embarrassing to have people know that.

Your girls are too cute. They look like they are best friends. I am best friends with my sister NOW, but at that age our fighting was real-- and totally for blood.

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