Messages - willspbr87

i think it's harder when you have shit start(lack of friends, girls and social experience) than when you have some good friends and you are active from time to time with women. (1 year ago i did nofap unconsciously, i went to a bigger city with two old friends and we were in the same room, so fapping wasn't allowed , and it was the best month of my life, i was very happy, energetic, outgoing, confident and we had many goood experiences, met new great people, also girls - kisses, hugs, talking, having fun,

It's been a long time since I posted last time, and so many things happened... I'll write what happened in the last month

In the first week of May, I went out for a travel with my gf, and it was a nice 3-day trip which was amazing. I was able to have sex with her 2 times in the first day, 3 times in the second and one more time in the last morning. I was totally relaxed, horny, and it was so, so nice! I could finally feel how well I can be with her by my side!

Then, we would have sex once in every two weeks, because my vacation was gone. And during that time, I didn't notice any change in my libido levels, frequency of erections, etc. Now, I'm wondering if my real problem is performance anxiety, because I had sex with her yesterday and I struggled a bit to get a good erection and it wouldn't last as long as I could last when I was travelling.

I fapped today, because I wanted to relieve myself from terrifying stories of men who got their libido struck by the use of finasteride (I took it for about 6 months back in 2012, and stopped after hearing of its side effects). I could reach the orgasm by sensation only, and I finally completed my 60-day challenge by staying 61 days without masturbating! I feel that this counter was going really slow... or it's just my anxiety up which makes me feel like this. Now, I'll try to stay 90 days without touching my penis and see how it goes. I hope finasteride didn't make a mess on my libido, which used to be really high in my teen ages and early 20s.

Some days after I relapsed, I thought about the semen leakage, which was worrying me a lot, and I looked for information about that. I found that it might be a normal thing to happen to any man which was excited, and that made me relax a little. Then, I started doing a 10 minute meditation and practiced everyday. On April 14, only 6 days after relapsing, I had sex with my girlfriend one more time, and what a sweet surprise: I performed really well! It took a while to get it up, but when it got up, I could penetrate her and do the job for quite a while until the orgasm... and one hour later, I was able to do it again, make her get and orgasm and get myself another orgasm! It couldn't have been better! The last time I was able to do that was somewhere in 2013, and it wasn't as good as this one! And the better thing: I didn't feel wasted the next day, and I felt my little boy was alive, with a lot of blood flowing in it and getting erect at random times!

That made me realize that, despite the relapses, abstaining from masturbation while staying away from porn really helped me build up libido and enjoy the intimacy with real girls. My girlfriend is helping me get more secure in bed, too, as she understands my problems and doesn't pressure me to perform. And since that night, my concerns over ED became of secondary importance, and I feel almost any urges to test myself, which will help me keep in the right direction.

Relapsed after 49 days. I was pissed off due to the fact I have a lot of semen leakage when I make out with my girlfriend, so after the encounter I decided to release myself from it and masturbated. I was able to have an orgasm without having any porn fantasy and 49 days is such a great mark for one who's never been without masturbating for more than 30 days. But I failed to reach 60 days and I need to admit it. Let's go back on the track.

Have you been enduring this 90-day challenge for long? Because you are having quite a progress in these 56 days you've been in it. I'm on my 40th day and I rarely have a dream at night, imagine a wet dream, lol. My life and my erections are improving, but not as fast as I wished...

When I was in my 27th day without fapping, I had sex with my girlfriend. For the first time in months I was able to penetrate a woman successfully, and it was so nice! For 2 days after that day I was horny, but horny like I didn't was in years! And then, until the next week after, I was feeling that I was being more responsive when I was around my girlfriend, and I feel there is life below the belt, I think there is more blood flowing through my penis, the erections are getting stronger and firm, although they don't make me confident enough about my performance.

But this road to recovery has ups and downs, as many men have said here, and now I'm on another down. I wish I could get an erection only by touching it and it lasted longer, I dread failing in bed again because it's quite far from 100%, although it's 40 days with absolutely no porn and no orgasm through wanking! I have cravings for fapping just by thinking of it, and sometimes I slip by massaging it a little until it starts getting up, but I stop - No, no, no!!!

I fell quite better overall. In the last week, I noticed I'm more energized and feel less tired during the day, although my sleep habits haven't changed. I feel it's easier to stay away from porn and its substitutes, keep porn thoughts out of my mind, and my sex drive is returning because my attention is getting caught when I see beautiful girls in the street, although I don't get any erection yet. I also noticed that the semen leakage - one of the sympoms of PIED - diminished a lot; I used to have semen leakage after each erection I had before the reboot, but in the last week I didn't have any, except yesterday when I was with my girlfriend.

I'm anxious for the 30 day mark and the second half of this reboot process to come!

Last week, I've been noticing that my penis is erect almost every time I wake up during early morning. This is good, but it seems to work only during that time, and I feel that those erections aren't that strong. I'm way far to get excited when I see a hot woman, and flatlines are stronger in some days. I still get cravings to masturbate, but it's getting easy to handle: I just need to remember that I'm pretty fine without having an orgasm, and my girlfriend is always there to satisfy my sexual and companionship needs.

The brain fog is probably consequence of the stress and anxiety caused by withdrawal from porn. I experienced that, and what I have to say is when the stress diminishes, you'll figure out that your memory will get better. I can remember a new phone number for a couple minutes longer than I used to do when masturbating every other day.

Don't worry about flatlines and changes of moods, grayfoxxx. It's just the process of rebooting, it's a thing that all of us experience and there's no escape from it. I rarely get morning woods, and there are days which I can get fair erections, other days I flatline all day long and I get anxious, but I remind that it's going to be over one day. Remember that your PIED is a temporary condition, yet you have to be motivated to resist to PMO while you're rebooting. Take it as a challenge.

Yeah, robust is right. I used to have a lot of anxiety until one year ago. My anxiety was social because I used to beat myself up for being nerdy and without confidence. So, one year ago I went to a speech therapist to learn how to speak and stand up with confidence, and with a lot of classes and recorded voice training, I gained a lot of confidence to interact with other people and most of my anxiety went away as a result.

I don't know nothing about you and what are your habits, but from my experience, interacting with other people is a great anxiety killer. So start joining groups, learn a skill, share your opinions, thoughts and feelings to other people, give them a demonstration of your skills. Do not fear their reactions. It really helps!

I hope so, Revialk. Libido makes me feel alive, and I miss it so much... can't wait to be able to penetrate my gf and make her have an orgasm with me. That will be amazing!

Btw, I had sex with her the day before yesterday, but there was no penetration nor orgasm. When I was close to orgasm, I told her that we should stop and relax, and then we took a rest and kissed a little more later. I'll try to avoid orgasms while rebooting to see if I can recover faster.

It was difficult to concentrate today because of the porn urges. I was thinking about how porn has taken over my imagination, and I think that triggered a lot of porn thoughts I used to have. I even got myself looking at pretty girls in the street, which is a thing that I've been trying to avoid. It's just the effects of flatline diminish that I start to do this, but I need to keep this going for at least 60 days. I never stayed 60 days without porn or fap in the last years, but this time I will... and coming here and seeing in my counter that it's 15% done is very motivating, it definitely will help me keep focused!

I get [sexual thoughts] the worst when Im studying, or in class given like a thought will pop into in my head every few minutes, I dont focus on them and dont get aroused but frankly I dont know how I can stop them without driving myself crazy.

I can relate to it, dude... every boring time is a trigger for my brain to shift the focus on some porn fantasy. Even in my job I would do this... many times I would waste time by looking at hot chicks dressed up in my office, and when I got horny enough I'd go to the bathroom to spank the monkey. Now, rebooting and with a girlfriend, I decided to control it. It's not easy, but things are starting to improve: I don't fap anymore, I can stay concentrated for longer, I make less mistakes and feel energized until the end of the day. What works for me is to think of my girlfriend and consciously tell myself that the girls in my office probably have their boyfriends and therefore I won't be able to realize my sexual fantasies with them.

Yeah, but don't masturbate with it. I read a story about a guy who was unable to get an erection while having sex with his wife, but he would get it up masturbating to his wife's pictures. That's bizarre but makes sense, because it is no different than jacking off to a porn fantasy you have or a picture of a random chick on a screen.

I got excited googling about karezza. I can relate totally to what it says about the meaning of a fulfilling sexual relationship, because I used to have sex with prostitutes and I know by experience that sex with them is really boring. It was exciting in the first times because of curiosity, but over time I started to realize that there was something missing in it, and it was companionship. Once I realized that, I lost interest in having sex with them and since that I had my first girlfriend, I told myself that I'd never have sex with them ever again.

Some evils come for good. This period of ED and low libido that I'm passing is making me rethink about many concepts I had about relationships. I used to value a good relationship as one with lots of sex, lots of sexual fantasies being realized and lots of passion, and a couple who would have sex for less than 2 times a month would be in risk of becoming asexuated or breaking up; that's why I became so desperated when I realized I have PIED, because I thought that soon my gf would realize it and give up of me. But it turns out that I slowed things down with this new gf I have and focused more on cuddling her and being affectionate with her while we are together, and my relationship with her is getting more intimate and rewarding each day! I will read more about karezza and introduce her to it soon, because I want it to get even better and I hope it can really help my reboot.

One day after I masturbated and, well... It's stil hard to manage my feelings when I feel my erections aren't strong enough and I flatline by night. I saw a porn footage by accident (two girls in bikinis shaking their asses at the end of a shitty YouTube video) and got LITERALLY NO REACTION TO THAT, but then I saw a videoclip sent by my gf on Whatsapp that had a couple caressing each other, and that caressing turned me on a little... I think this is a sign that I'm starting to value the sexual acting (the caressing and lovemaking) over viewing hot chicks in minimal clothing enticing my libido. Or is too early for me to take any conclusion?

Hey, Popeye: Make a short story of you and your porn addiction of 300 to 400 words, that will occupy you when you start to crave for porn. Write it on Notepad first, because the forum may log you out if you take too long to write your story directly on this forum!

You're right that I do have a previous journal on this forum though after having a series of relapses I've decided to start fresh. I guess there's pros and cons to both. What are your thoughts?

I think having only one journal is best, not only to manage, but also to remind yourself of your past failures so you can stay alert of the tricks that your mind has played on you.

Good thing that you've set your counter for a short time first. If 7 days is all you can reach this time, it's okay, as it's better to be happy for reaching 10 days after you set seven than to be frustrated for reaching 11 days after you set 30. Over time, when this goal becomes easy for you, then you can set your counter for a longer streak. That's what I do. The maximum time I went without masturbating was 38 days, and in January I could stay clean for 32. As it's easy for me to stay 2 to 3 weeks without masturbating, I set my current goal for 60 days because I want to challenge myself!

I masturbated tonight. I was too happy with the time I spent with my girlfriend today, in which I neared an orgasm just by simulating a sexual act with her (without taking off our clothes), and I thought that masturbating after such a pleasurable day wouldn't be bad... a mid trick, you know...

Time to feel the pain of resetting my counter after being close to reaching a third of my goal of 60 days without fapping.

Thanks a lot, Tarmala! I appreciate a lot your comments, and I'm willing to do whatever I want to get over this!

I've been going out with my gf every night, since it's Carnival and we are going to work and study only tomorrow. It's going fine, since I feel I get aroused when I'm kissing and petting her. I wish I had sex with her once again, but the fact I have PIED makes me scared of frustrating myself and her once again..

And yesterday night, I went out with her and her family (her two sisters, a brother-in-law who is married to one of them and their two kids) for a bowling. We had a nice time, except some technical problems with our track cut our fun at the end. But then, when we went to the parking booth to validate our parking tickets, it turns out that there was a super hot blonde chick waiting in the line. She was wearing a black shirt, gray skirts and high heels - a combination of clothes that really turns me on- and well, I had a hard time trying to focus myself on my girlfriend, who was right by my side. I hugged her more, looked at her more, but my mind was always trying to shift my attention to that hot blonde. I started to think, "Goddamnit, when I was alone, I always dreamed to have a beautiful girl by my side, and now that I have one, it seems that I get bored of her fast and start looking elsewhere... what if I had that blonde chick? Would I get bored with her too and have the attitude I was having?" - then, that blonde chick went away and I looked at her walking... that gorgeous look of her body would have made me get a real boner if I wasn't drowned in such a moral dilemma.

And now, I feel like masturbating once again... urging to get an orgasm by thinking about the blonde's ass, but struggling not to indulge in masturbation. I'm going to pick up my girlfriend for lunch, so I hope I can forget this fantasy soon. And I hope I get rid of all sexual fantasies over time, because that's what screwed me up. I don't visit porn sites for two years, I think, but I used to fantasize while masturbating regularly in a span of 10 days before I started to reboot, so the porn is still in my mind and getting rid of it is much more difficult than just blocking access to Redtube and deleting porn from the computer!

As guys who have been damaged from porn, we cannot wish going back in time just to make things differently. We must focus on getting out of the hole we are already in. I also think about the time I'd have a real erection just by touching my dick and getting wild only by seeing women going topless, but I know now that I'm not able to do it anymore, thanks to years of porn and masturbation. If I think about it too much I'll be stuck in this situation because I won't motivate myself to strive to keep PMO free and regain my libido over time.

Had sex with my gf. Bad thing is that I couldn't get my penis hard enough to penetrate her... It would get up in foreplay, then would quickly deflate and would have a hard time to get it up again. I even got an ejaculation without my penis erect!

In short: My mind is completely messed up sexually. I just can't keep it up to the finish. I opened myself to her about my problems and she was supportive, but still every frustrated attempt to have sex is horrible...