This weekend was a bit chilly… chilly for Mothers’ Day? WTF?!??! It was stupid chilly this weekend… I was mowing our decidedly thick grass wearing a long sleeve shirt and pantaloons… not really pantaloons, but I would have worn them if I could have. That made me think of all the different times I have encountered unseasonable weather… ergo, this week the topic of questions is “Unseasonable Weather.”

1. I remember back in the dead of winter (early Feb.) in ‘85 or ‘86 we got a day in the mid to high 70’s. We all blew off school because of it. I think it should be a law in Ohio & PA if the temp goes above 70 in Feb. no school/work. How about it?

I like it, except I would say there needs to be some way of the kids policing themselves, because I would much rather just hang out with my wife on that awesome of a day… The only problem is I am certain my kids would go all Lord of the Flies… Oh! Poor Poor Piggy…

2. What do you think of Polar Bear clubs? I think they’re nuts … or they don’t have nuts.

These are clubs Viking have to beat polar bears to death with for assured entry into Valhalla, right? If that is the case, I am all for them… If it is those wackkos who jump into bodies of water when it is significantly below freezing outside, thems folks is crazy.

3. What’s your ideal temperature for just being outside?

74 F… 23.33 C… so comfy.

4. At what temperature do you say “screw this noise” I’m going inside.

Now? around 20 F or -6.67 C and on the other end of the spectrum.. 93 F and 33.89 C.

5. At what temperature do you say “I don’t care if I look like a redneck” and sit in the kid’s blow up pool.

I am not sure that temperature exists.

6. Was the coldest winter you ever spent, a summer in San Fransisco? Me either.

Coldest winter I ever dealt with was in the beginning of 1993 in Kent, Ohio… It got crazy cold that Feb. -20 to -30 F or -28.89 to -34.44 C. Summers in San Fran are mild like white cheddar.

7. It once snowed 17 inches in April in WV can you top that?

8 inches in Ala.Fuckin.Bama. 400 miles south of WV, Bama doesn’t get as much snow as West By Gawd Virginia, so it is more remarkable.

8. Also I’ve had more than one spring break feature snow, you?

Yes, one spring break, actually my senior year in high school, my mom made me go to Kent, Ohio to visit family. WOOO-HOOO Spring Break Babay! anyhoo… why taking a tour of Kent State it snowed.

9. Do you prefer hot chocolate or chocolate milk?

Hot chocolate. Chocolate Milk is nasty.

10. What causes the one-hit wonder? At the moment, I’m thinking of Nelly discussing how hot it is. Now??? Did he lose his mojo, was is it a deal with devil, rich enough from just one song?

I think you forget the seminal anthem which rang with the “shimmy shimmy cocopuffs.” Nelly was a legitimate 2 hit wonder. One-Hit wonders are all about cultural zeitgeist and grabbing that fleeting attention. Think of Psy’s Gangam Style in the US. Psy is not going to do anything else in the US ever. Lightning in the bottle.

11. Can we give a shout out to sublimation?

Boom instantaneous double phase shift for the win!

12. Would you rather be the human torch or iceman?

Ice Man… for two words: Snow Cones, BOOOM!

13. Which is worse, Texas hot or Ohio cold?

Texas Hot. I would say that If Ohio Cold dipped into the -30’s F (-34’s C) regularly I might have to re-evaluate.

14. Making sure the kids are appropriately dressed is a challenge on a normal day - what is your biggest kid-dressing hurdle in unseasonable weather? (At my house it is always shoes).

For Little Man, it is wearing a warm enough shirt. He really likes these lightweight tech fabric shirts that just do not keep him warm enough. For Q it is socks. That little girl hates socks.

15. What is the absolute latest date that snow is acceptable in the spring?

April 28th.

16. Does unseasonable weather cause spikes in the birthrate like power outages?

Not that I know of, but it may cause more infanticide as the parents, who are used to kicking the kids out to play outside. I am sure that child death caused by parental reaction of cabin fever is a defensible stance in court.

17. Is there such a thing as unseasonable Fall weather in Ohio? Isn’t everything sort of fair game in the Fall there?

All is fair in Fall and War.

18. If you could season weather, what would you season it with?

Coriander or pepper or salt

19. I wonder if there is any seasonable weather in winter, it seems like an oxymoron?

I kind of like the cold. I cannot help it if you cannot retain your heat.

20. You know a thing or two about the summer solstice, it being your birthday and all, what was the most unseasonable weather you have encountered on the first day of summer?

The worst has been that it was only in the upper 70’s instead of the upper 80’s.

To Recap:

Today I am driving all over Southwest Ohio…

Jealous?

It is going to bite

At least the weather will be okay

Especially compared to this past weekend

Mothers’ Day was this past weekend

I finished watching Avatar The Last Airbender this weekend on Netflix streaming