“Say your skin is a wreck, your fingernails are raggedy, your feet look like you’ve been running marathons barefoot, your hairdresser doesn’t even know your name anymore, much less style your hair, and your closet looks like it came straight from wardrobe on the set of an ‘80’s sitcom. What does that say about you? Nothing nice, I’ll tell you that much. To a man – hell to anyone looking – it practically screams, “My face, my body, and my clothes are nothing special – completely unworthy of anyone’s time and attention, even my own.” However, a woman who clearly looks likes she takes the time to care for her self – gets facials and manicures (or if she can’t afford to go to the spa, creates her own spa at home), applies makeup in a way that is natural and appealing, wears a hairstyle that is flattering and clothes and shoes that are stylish—makes a statement, “I really like me, and you should know by looking at me that I do.” Men appreciate women who value themselves, because it generally means that those women are happy with who they are and place a premium on their self-worth. We don’t mind telling you you’re beautiful, for sure. But if we’re going to be in a relationship with you, we don’t want to have to be responsible for you liking you. That’s way too much work for any man to assume, and rather than imagine ourselves doing all that heavy lifting, we’ll just move on to the woman who looks like she can handle caring for and about herself on her own.” –Steve Harvey, Straight Talk, No Chaser: Presentation is Everything.

It’s natural growing up that we learn, “it’s what’s inside that counts,” and “attraction isn’t everything,” but it’s also refreshing when a summation of indirect superficialities is gathered, within good reason. It is valid and I stand by it humbly. I stand by presentation being everything and it being as important as chemistry and compatibility is to a relationship. It is the idea that a man must take pride in himself– enough to take care of himself. It is the reason I love poetry and fashion. The mind and the body in a mental and physical state. The reason I love to get to know everyone (regardless of if I’m interested or not, every person has something they can teach me), and it is also the reason my ex and I aren’t together anymore. He failed to take care of himself.

They say you have to love yourself incase no one else will. But the catch is, you’ll be hard-pressed to find a person to love you after you’ve so magnificently mastered the art of not loving yourself enough to never get or keep their attention. I’m not saying to sprinkle narcissism on your breakfast, but I am saying that fruit, honey, or sugar will affect the taste.

You have to love you so well that you show someone else how you need to be loved.