Did You Hear The One ABout The Girl Who Applied To Be A Model But Didn’t Want To Appear in Pictures or Movies? Oh, and Big Brother As Well!

Did you hear the one about the female who applied for model work, but didn’t want to appear on film or in pictures?

On reading that you could be forgiven for thinking it’s a joke.

But no. I promise you it’s absolutely true, and something which came about within the past month through having a serious discussion with a female who asked me to put her on to some work opportunities. Which then caused me to wonder if there has ever been an occasion when someone has applied to become a chef on the condition that they don’t have to touch food.

I am in absolutely no way at all misogynistic. On the contrary. I love the fairer sex and have spent the past forty years or so co-working with females of all ages, shapes and sizes in photos and films.

However. With tongue firmly in cheek they don’t come with instructions, and if anyone would care to draw and then share with me a diagram of female logic, my aversion to kissing anus would change instantly.

Of equal perplexity is another more recent conversation where a female contacted me asking for work opportunities in filming. For the sake of anonymity I will call her Jenny. So. The first message I received via Twitter asked the question of whether I “had any work.” That was it.

There was no introduction. No information about herself. I could find no reference to her on Google either, and the images on her Twitter account were of various females who’s photos were cropped in such a way as to make their facial features unidentifiable.

Not a good start for someone asking for work.

Anyway. As in all cases where I am asked about potential film opportunities the requirement is that the person has to phone me for an informal chat, which allows for either of us to make the decision to not take things any further, and proves invaluable as a huge time-resource saver.

The next stage from having that phone call would be a visit to me in Bristol where we would spend an entire day going through the set-up process of any necessary training and induction requirements, images and video clips shooting, and then all the online marketing and promotional activities to get her out there and in the market place ready to earn.

For Jenny, none of this would have been possible due to child management issues during her time away from home and would have resulted in taking a day to travel to me, a further day for set-up, and then the final day driving back to the north of England.

All well and good, except for the underlying issue that somehow I would take on a new model who I have never met or worked with, and just hand out work opportunities and hard-won contacts randomly. But this seems to happen all too often nowadays and comes as an expectation: albeit an unrealistic one in a growing trend, and I find myself asking which planet these girls are on!

I wouldn’t mind so much if I was charging an up-front fee to cover the time I have to allocate to each girl who applies. But the fact remains that I don’t because for me it goes against the grain and I personally find it unethical to charge up-front fees: even though I could fully justify doing it. So I accept that it’s my loss. My strong belief has always been that if a girl is willing to invest her time in getting herself set-up and established properly by coming to me, then I am more that willing to invest what amounts to an entire week of my time doing the same in order to make it happen for her, and in return for that time I have content which I am them able to use to further promote my brand as well as her on well over 1000 websites around the world - and all completely free of charge!. So it’s a quid pro quo deal that doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out just how good an offer it is.

But as much as I am loathed to say it, I just don’t think that a lot of girls nowadays have the savvy to actually visualise and then drive themselves towards being anywhere close to the next Jenna Jameson, for instance. The majority of girls I speak with nowadays are generally and sadly unambitious, apathetic, and money seems to have no value whatsoever other than getting them through the next day or week.

It was back in January that I answered the phone one day to a guy who said he was from the Big Brother team, and asked if I would be able to put forward some models for the 2014 summer series. After making sure this wasn’t a crank call I was satisfied enough to put out a notification for wannabe house mates to apply to me, with the expectation that I would need to build an ark to cope with the ensuing flood of hopefuls.

Well my expected flood turned out to be nothing more than a torrential downpour, but there were still enough applicants to make the scouting exercise worthwhile, and so I went through the process of sifting in order to find the most likely candidates for a meet and greet with the contestant casting team members.

In summary of that process I went on to choose three hopefuls and one standby. Out of the three hopefuls I had one very strong candidate who just stood out so much that she blew everyone else out of the way and I put her forwards.

The quality of the applicants overall was dire, I have to say. Apart from the girl I put forwards and one other, there was absolutely no one who really got me fired up and motivated in a way that would make them watchable and entertaining to a mass audience, and I was beginning to believe that perhaps ‘bland’ was somehow the new cool as far as girls were concerned.

Don’t misunderstand me. They all came across as perfectly nice, decent girls who were all brought up properly. But there was nothing risky, risque, or in any way challenging about them. There was clearly an indication of some ambition to have applied in the first place. Beyond that though, absolutely nothing unique whatsoever.

Quite frankly I was left aghast. Most couldn’t even organise themselves to keep up any level of communication having asked to be considered.

My most enlightening hopeful: who at least made it through to the big audition day at Elstree, was a 25 year old vegan, druid/pagan, ex stripper now model, who knits and bakes cakes, apart from being something of an animal rights campaigner, and who’s party trick when stripping was running a drinking straw through her clitoral piercing and into the liquid refreshment of the recipient, for him or her to then drink from the other end.

So quite clearly she put every other would-be hopeful into the shadows. By virtue of the fact that she was an interesting and quirky personality who had the potential to be highly watchable and hold the attention of a viewing audience.

In comparison: and apart from one other girl from Wiltshire who would have been awesome as well, everyone else had no previous life at all.

They were just so ordinary and B-L-A-N-D!

This is exactly what I am finding with the vast majority of girls nowadays though. It’s as if they are processed in a factory to come off the production line as pretty much all the same, and the dumbing down of the female gender has taken place with the conditioning of conformity embedded into the gene pool.

As I stated at the very beginning. Women don’t come with instructions, and if anyone would care to draw and then share with me a diagram of female logic, my aversion to kissing anus would change instantly.