On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert debuted a new series—"My Fair Colbert: Stephen Colbert's Crown Jewels"—in which he attempted to become more British ahead of the royal wedding. Up first: Colbert had high afternoon tea with British royal biographer Hugo Vickers—and by "had," I mean "ruined."

Update: Colbert aired the second part of the series on Thursday's show, during which Vickers tried—key word: tried—to give him a primer of the proper etiquette for meeting the queen. Click here to see the video.