Now, Sherman, you’re about to see a special place. A place many little boys never get to see. Are you ready?

SHERMAN

More than ever, Farmer Brown!

FARMER BROWN

Then enter and be amazed by Farmer Brown’s Real Barn.

(They enter and see basically a large, plumpy pile of live cows. About a dozen. Stacked on another in something like a cow pyramid. Off to the side in the corner is one lone cow standing on a milk crate with a black garbage bag over his head and his upper legs spread out holding wires.)

SHERMAN

Wow! There’s so many of them in such a small space.

FARMER BROWN

I told you it was amazing.

SHERMAN

There must be a dozen cows there.

FARMER BROWN

Oh, way more. Hundreds more. This is just the tip of the bovine pyramid. See, there’s a hole in the floor.

SHERMAN

Why are they stacked like this?

FARMER BROWN

Makes it easier to store them and feed them.

SHERMAN

Can I feed them?

FARMER BROWN

Nope. It’s all done by machines. Twice a day, they get hosed down with nutrient-laced water. And once a day, they’re sprinkled with a mixture of ground up corn, newspaper, Valium and animal remnants.

SHERMAN

Animal remnants?

FARMER BROWN

Whatever’s left of a cow that we can’t sell. You know, the stuff they won’t even put in a hot dog. Nothing goes to waste around here.

SHERMAN (pointing to cow standing in corner)

Did that cow do something bad?

FARMER BROWN

Yes, he did, Sherman. He was born a male. See, we need pregnant female cows to produce a lot of milk.

SHERMAN

Don’t you need boy cows to make the girl cows pregnant?

FARMER BROWN

Not in this day and age. We use other methods, such as artificial insemination.

SHERMAN

Artificial insemination?

FARMER BROWN

That’s where I make the girl cow pregnant. (Sherman and Farmer Brown stare at each other for a moment. Sherman clearly is getting a disturbing image in his mind.) …With science!

SHERMAN

Oh, science!

FARMER BROWN

He has to stand there for a month and then we’ll turn him into veal. It’s his own fault, really.

SHERMAN

Dumb cow.

FARMER BROWN

You’re a smart boy, Sherman. Have a lollipop!

(Farmer Brown gives Sherman a lollipop, which he eagerly accepts and unwraps.)

SHERMAN

Thanks, Farmer Brown.

FARMER BROWN

Let me get a picture of you with my brownie and you can show it to your teacher.

(Farmer Brown takes a small instant camera out of his pocket.)

SHERMAN

That would be great.

FARMER BROWN

Stand right next to the cow pile.

SHERMAN

Like this!

(He smiles and points at the cows with the lollipop in his mouth, just like that pic from Abu Ghraib.)