Neil Armstrong To Be First Man On The Sun

Neil Armstrong, the first man on the Moon, is also to be the first man on the Sun, it was announced today.

This audacious plan is the brainchild of serial British entrepreneur, Sir Richard Branson.

Using technology developed by the Virgin Galactic team, a rocket-powered coffin containing Mr Armstrong will be launched soon from Cape Canaveral and it is hoped the capsule will reach the Sun just in time for Christmas Day. The impact will be televised globally, bringing in billions from advertising revenue.

Sir Richard plans to expand the service by building giant craft capable of handling 10,000 coffins at a time costing $85,000 per corpse: “It’s certainly a case of all systems are go, so set the controls for the heart of the Sun! FAB!”

Buzz Aldrin said: “I just cannot keep up the pretence any more – no living human has ever landed on the Moon and come back to Earth, it’s all a big lie Hitler and Goebbels would have been proud of. Well done and good luck to Sir Richard though - it was always Neil’s burning ambition to go out with a poof.”