4

10

4.4

5.7

5.8

.453

.473

17.0%

23.2%

40.2%

-5.2%

-22.9%

With the highest collective starter ERA (5.80), have they considered seeing if Jered Weaver can throw left-handed?

2

6

8

7.8

8.2

7.7

.543

.523

51.2%

11.8%

63.0%

-1.5%

-16.9%

Their game against the Phillies resumes in the bottom of the ninth. Zack Cozart gets all night to dream about how he'll bat against Phillippe Aumont, right after a dream about showing up to third grade math naked.

3

4

9

4.2

3.5

3.9

.417

.437

9.4%

15.6%

25.0%

-2.2%

-9.5%

They've gone eight straight games without scoring five runs in a game — and they've only done it twice.

4

8

6

5.8

5.8

5.7

.495

.475

31.6%

24.8%

56.4%

-1.7%

-6.8%

I know it's just one game, but how did Dan Haren allow seven runs to a team that hadn't even scored seven runs total in a three-game stretch since April 5-7?

5

7

6

8.2

7.8

7.6

.540

.520

9.7%

13.4%

23.1%

-3.1%

-4.4%

All things considered, a snowy doubleheader in Denver with extra innings only ranks as a 7.4 on the Metropolitan Emotional Scar Scale.

6

6

8

6.1

6.2

5.7

.450

.470

4.2%

9.0%

13.3%

2.1%

-4.2%

Adam Dunn currently has more strikeouts (17) than total bases (13), plus he's only walked twice.

7

6

9

5.8

5.5

5.5

.431

.451

3.5%

6.0%

9.5%

-2.2%

-3.6%

Judging by his facial hair, Eric Wedge has gone full Deadliest Catch.

8

4

10

5.1

4.2

5.1

.400

.381

1.2%

2.5%

3.7%

0.9%

-3.6%

If the Padres wanted to face Chris Capuano so badly instead of Zack Greinke, they could have at least asked the Dodgers nicely.

9

4

9

4.9

5.2

5.6

.428

.408

4.7%

3.7%

8.4%

0.2%

-3.3%

Why don't they just make the entire plane out of Nate Schierholtz pinch hits?

10

7

7

5.8

9.2

8.9

.565

.545

53.6%

21.3%

74.9%

-2.2%

-2.6%

All those injury issues around the league and Carl Crawford is healthy as a mule, playing well too. Baseball.

11

7

6

7.4

6.6

6.6

.502

.522

6.0%

10.4%

16.4%

-1.6%

-1.4%

Chris Getz had the most plate apperances without a home run (925) in Royals history until yesterday. That honor now falls to Jason Kendall (490).

12

3

11

3.6

2.7

3.1

.325

.307

0.1%

0.3%

0.4%

-0.3%

-0.9%

They did it! A home run at home, thanks to Adeiny Hechavarria! Now they can start the center field machine ... oh, the batteries died.

13

5

7

4.6

5.2

4.9

.454

.474

10.1%

13.4%

23.6%

-3.1%

-0.4%

If Ubaldo Jimenez has turned a corner, then he keeps turning corners around the factory where they make E.R.A.

14

6

7

5.5

6.3

6.8

.436

.455

0.5%

0.8%

1.2%

0.3%

-0.4%

Aaron Hicks may have only reached base six times in 51 plate apperances, but he's scored four times. You gotta admire that rate.

15

4

10

5.1

4.7

5.4

.365

.383

0.0%

0.1%

0.1%

-0.1%

-0.1%

They've gone from plain bad to struggling, and that's absolutely in the right direction.

16

4

8

3.7

3.9

4.1

.405

.385

6.4%

3.9%

10.4%

1.5%

0.5%

Where were you when Yuniesky Betancourt crushed that grand slam, and why weren't you hugging your children?

The assisted Suicide crack was amusing, but with Prince Fielder hitting behind him and having just earned Player of the week honors for his smoking bat, not pitching to Miggy isn't really an option. You shoulda saved that joke for when Stanton heats up.

So is this list going to follow BCS rules (for want of a better word) and keep Atlanta and Detroit 1 & 2 until their matchup at the end of the month?