I turned 50 earlier this month. A smothering concoction of emotions are afoot, but above it all there is a sense of urgency to create. The desire has always been present, though repressed for the most part. The hollow consolation that others might recognize value out of the bitter fruit of the act itself seems to mean much less to me as time passes. I pine for this age to be the fulcrum point for the weight of my soul versus death himself, and it shall be lifted higher as the balance is titled and he becomes bloated from gorging upon my youth. Certainly not to a heaven as such, but a rush nonetheless.

The older I become (currently 26), the more cold and disinterested I grow towards people, and I find myself only capable of impartially discussing activities (e.g. scuba diving, gardening, fishing, raising pets), science, or natural history with them. Lately, I have been seeking non-abstract activities to immerse myself into and temporarily forget about being human.

I am more of a family oriented person and find the concept of deep bonds in friendship flawed, since I don't see the point of letting other people's neuroses or personal problems affect me.

Familial upbringing is important for healthy development, especially during critical periods. My family has helped me tremendously in many regards. Traditional values encourage family members not to be rapacious and work to align self-interests with each other.

Friends will always have conflicting values and serve their self-interest over yours. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, but I prefer the word "acquaintance" and find romanticist views of friendship silly as I age. I especially dislike people talking about their familial problems in a non-professional setting.

Studying the literature of the oxytocin in relation to this topic would probably interest you. I remember Patricia Churchland's book Braintrust had some relevant information on this topic.

Finally, Utopian ideals that want to make the world "one big family" bother me tremendously.

"How are we to live without natures? We only know inconvenience now, not sorrow. Everything pulverizes so easily because it is rot-dry; one can only wonder that it makes so much noise. The source, the sap must have dried up, or the pulse must have stopped, before you and i were conceived. So much flowed through people; so little flows through us. All we can do is imitate love or sorrow."

- Elizabeth Bowen/ The Happy Autumn Fields

"What can a thing do with a thing, when it is a thing?"
-Shaykh Ibn Al 'Arabi

I don't know the sociological reasons behind it, but I've always felt with most of my family that were it not for the blood bond we really wouldn't have anything in common and probably wouldn't even become friends if we met through other means. Some bonds I've made with friends run deeper than that with my close relatives, and I suspect that might be indicative of some underlying issue but I couldn't say what precisely.

Getting old(er) has made me want to reach out to more family members, though.

You have hit exactly on what makes a family. Dealing with people you may not necessarily like and wouldn't choose as friends. But there is an undeniable bond there, probably going back to our tribal natures.

"The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind." - H. P. Lovecraft