My journey to a healthier me. I'll reflect on my life up to this point. My stories. My thoughts. My experiences. My words. Basically my every day lifestyle and how that relates to my goal of fitness success. Challenging myself to learn from the past and take action by applying healthier food choices to help me gain knowledge of nutrition and excercise.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Happy Mother's Day!!!

As I sit here and listen to George Strait on the computer, I think, this is a good time to blog!!!

Seriously, my wife it the best! Today we did not go out and binge eat until we felt sick, nor did we go out and impulsively spend money we did not have. Instead, I let Katie sleep in. Tate and I were awake at 6:30 a.m. We had some good one on one time, just him and daddy. Got his medicines done (he has asthma and we use some inhalers and such). Fed him some breakfast, we wrestled, then I put his signature on the Mother's Day card I picked out for Katie. Cece was still asleep for a little bit. I took that opportunity to make Katie a "coupon" book for stuff around the house, chores, girls day out, a day off from being Mom, back rub, etc... She woke up shortly after. We both had a good laugh when she read the coupon book out loud.

You see, I think I'm funny. So when I have her read stuff to me, it's like I'm hearing the jokes for the first time and I still laugh as if somebody else made it up!!!! It is a 2 for one switch because either she thinks it's a funny joke, or she can just get a laugh at me for laughing at my own writing. :) But after that, we had a low key day of hanging out, eating small meals. Ended up at her mom's house. We were visited there by a couple of her siblings and their families, for them to wish Happy Mother's Day to my mother-in-law. Good company. We have not seen them for a good amount of time, considering we all live in the Salt Lake City area. It was fun.

Anyhow, Katie was feeling some pretty strong emotions on this last Friday. I have shared some stories about my parents with her, naturally. One of them was that my mom told me, close to a Mother's Day, one year during my childhood, that her favorite color was yellow. So, I am not sure why, but of all the things we remember about each other as siblings, friends, best friends, or whoever, we remember certain things. This one something that I've always come back to as a memory. My dad took us kids shopping (our family was not complete at this time), but we didn't know what to get her. I dislike shopping for other people sometimes, now that I'm an adult, But I figure that my dad wanted us kids to get a couple of somethings for her. So, since I remembered that she liked yellow, my gift to her was a sweater that happened to be yellow.

Whether it was genuine excitement or my mom doing a damn good acting job... she had the biggest eyes and a big ol' smile when she opened the gift. She held it up proudly and said, "I know who this is from!" It has always stuck with me because I can remember clearly that she wore that sweater. More than a few times a year. Even on some days, I'd ask her childlike, "Do you remember when you got that sweater?" She would reply with "Of course! I love yellow!!!" It must have made her feel good to know that she could make me smile so big when she said that.

Well, this is something that Katie takes dearly and she lets me, as well even likes the stories I share about my parents. So, I'll quote her post on Facebook on Friday:

"I love putting Cece in yellow... she looks so beautiful in it. Then every time I look at her in yellow, I think of my loving mother in law I've never met. I hope she knows I think about her. How I wish I could have met her. How can you miss someone you never knew...?"

So, today and tonight, I processed through some feelings and thoughts. I'm a believer that those who have passed, visit me. I don't know if everyone in my family feels this way, but when my dad, my mom, or my grandma are present in my dreams, it really does feel like a visit. I ask them how they are. Sometimes, I even tell them that, "we can just make this quick... I know this is just a dream." :) But still, there are times I wish I would get "visited" and they don't come. Other times, they come when I don't expect it in the least. Well, I can tell you, that based on the dreams I've had, both of my parents have visited me (individually) to tell me how they are so happy that I'm happy. They have never told me about how they feel about Tate and Cece, but instead, they focus more on Katie. I remember being told in one of my dreams, from my mom, "Katie is adorable and I can tell you are yourself around her. I love her so much." That has stuck with me for the last couple of years! I'm not ruling out that it could be just a dream. Maybe you feel the same way, thinking that nobody can control what they dream or think. Oh well.

My feelings for Katie and the fact that we have a family. I don't know that I can put it into words. I know that we moved very fast when we got together. We were married inside 6 months of meeting. My mom and dad were married withing 7 months of dating. They lasted for 19 years, all the way up to the death date of my mother. It was hard on my dad. I saw it. I bet it was even harder than what I saw. There are times where I wish I was a little older back then, to understand how hard it was for him. To sit down and ask him, "Hey dad, how are you doing?" I know that when I feel down and no one asks me how I'm doing, that it's almost a lonelier feeling! Like nobody cares! Geez, to know then what I know now. But my feelings tonight, for my children's mother and my best friend: I'd pick her all over again.

A few weeks ago, when I felt like I was giving up... I didn't like it. I know it's going to be tough. I know that I'll have challenges: birthdays, anniversaries, plateaus, celebrations, graduations, road trips, weddings, work parties, etc... I know that if I set a goal of working out every other day, that one day, maybe, there might come a time where I don't get a work out in. But that can't bring on a string of 30 days, 15 days, heck even 6 days of not doing something active! Results require action.

Overall, I know I want to do better, but still want to keep myself grounded and take any success I can to build my fitness self esteem... but, I'm pretty proud of myself. I know my parents are. I know my siblings are. I know my buddies are. I know my wife is. I hope some day, my kids can look back at my pictures now, compare them to where I want to be in 30 years, and tell me they are proud of me too! I'm making progress on the heart rate training. Yesterday's workout was a full 12 minute warm up on the exercise bike followed with a solid 30 minutes of constant Cowboy Fit Zone heart rate on the elliptical machine! That is crazy to me because when I started a being more active just weeks ago, I could not even do 5 minutes!!!! Tomorrow is a workout day and I'm excited! I have not been excited to work out in a couple of weeks.

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mom. You are missed dearly. Happy Mother's Day to my gramma. I love you. Most of all, thank you and Happy Mother's Day to my best friend, my bride, Katie. My wish is that we will be blessed with many more Mother's Days together.

2 comments:

Thanks for sharing your heart Nick! What I like about your blog is that you are keeping it real. To be gut level honest with your emotions and feelings and making it public for everyone to see is very brave and courageous! What the cool thing is though is that you're giving people an opportunity to identify with you and to be inspired by what you're sharing an accomplishing. Congrats on where you are at with Ryan's heart rate training - that's awesome! You have inspired me through this blog and your determination to not give up! I started a new community page called "Stay Strong Stay Focused Stay Inspired" to chronicle my journey as well and hopefully inspire others and also be inspired by others! Keep up the good work Nick! Remember, perseverance builds character, and character is what truly inspires people!

Thanks Chris. I can't hide my feelings. When you feel yourself going through a big change, you are bound to have emotions and feelings. It's a waste of time to not recognize them. I'll look for your page on Facebook. It sounds like a great idea! How are you doing with the training? What kind of workouts are you doing?