Wasteland: A First Look

Jurgen Klinsmann has no respect for tradition and didn't call up a bald goalie

Brad Friedel. Kasey Keller. Tim Howard … Michael Bradley. These are all important bald people in U.S. history. Four of them are soccer players, and three of them are goalkeepers. It’s a part of our nation’s fabric, like freedom. And guns.

Decidedly un-American U.S. men’s national team coach Jurgen Klinsmann has no time for freedom. Or guns. And in a slap to the face for our country’s traditions, he also declined to call in a bald goalkeeper for this week’s games against Denmark and Switzerland.

Klinsmann is quickly approaching Sepp Blatter-level madness. Brad Guzan may have been unavailable this week, electing to stay at home as he and his wife expect a child, but there are other bald `keepers ready to fill his boots. And Klinsmann, full head of luxurious blond hair and all, has ignored every one.