The heat is getting to me.

Last night I got a bloody nose and it’s probably from the heat. That was kind of a pain in the ass ’cause I ran out of tissues and had to actually get up.

My whole body’s sore from PE. God I hate weight training. I suck at weight training. And weight training is hard and makes me hot. My main physical flaw is that I have no upper body strength. I can’t do even one correct push-up. So I suck at weight training and it pisses me off.

Everything’s pissing me off. I’d blame the heat, but everything’s always pissed me off before, too. I’m that kind of person. And then there’s also school which is not helping at all.

I hate my science class. Full of jackasses. Yesterday in the back of the room, those URGHH!!! EFFING RETARDS! had a LIGHTER. And they were lighting little things on fire and throwing them. It made me so mad. The classroom smelled like smoke and my teacher didn’t notice at all.

Are they stupid or something? What the HELL are they going to do with the rest of their lives? They’re just screwing it up. It may be fun now, but later on those f’ers will end up in jail, and I will SERIOUSLY LAUGH AT THEIR PATHETIC FACES. You can call me sadistic, but they are on my last nerve.

Then there’s the way people always look down on me because I’m a “nerd” and look like one. And also sometimes because I’m Asian [-____-; damn racists..]. Seriously, what the HELL? That’s messed up. I’m not saying I’m any better than them, but they’re failing/cutting classes and always get in trouble, and I have a 4.0 and will most likely go on to college, right?

And..if there’s one kind of people I can’t stand, it’s gotta be preps. Preppy people. Preppy girls mostly. I probably sound hypocritical and stereotypical, but I’m venting and don’t give a crap. :D

I wrote this already on a blog-draft that has yet to be put on public because it’s not finished yet, so you’ll see this again:
Kibum from Super Junior tends to act/dress normally to stand out, and in a way, I do that too. I don’t do it to stand out but rather to feel better about myself and because I want people to think of me as honest.

I can’t stand how preps are always so “happy” or whatever. It just pisses me off. ‘Cause then there’s people out there like me who, even when there’s nothing going on, isn’t always in a cheery mood. And I get mad at everything.

I mean, preppy girls have went up to me and said, “Eva, you look so sad today. What’s wrong? Why’re you being emo?” Okay, number one, I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE THE WORD EMO. Technically, the word “emo” COULD possibly apply to me because I’m sensitive and emotional, but people have twisted the definition of that word, so I would NOT like to be classified as emo, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Number two, you can’t always assume that just because a person isn’t smiling, something happened. I’m always in a bad mood for no reason; for example, a couple minutes ago I got so pissed off I started crying.

Number three, don’t I ALWAYS look like that? That relates to my second reason, but whatever.

When something happens to a friend of mine, I don’t go cheer them up. I ask them if they want me to leave them alone, because I’d like to be considerate. If they say it doesn’t matter, I’ll ask them what’s wrong and I’ll talk it through with them. You can’t always expect that being preppy and happy will solve everything. I want people to think of me as a true friend, someone they could tell things to.

I got really mad today in English and I was on the verge of tears because of that. Stupid preppy girls who are inconsiderate and selfish REALLY, REALLY PISS ME OFF. And they were just sitting there talking and laughing and being totally annoying, and I hated it, so even when they did talk to me, I didn’t smile at them at all and acted uninteresting because I don’t want to mixed with them. And they didn’t even see that it was their fault I was upset. In fact, they didn’t give a crap that I was upset.

Those people annoy me. It’s ALWAYS like this:
They meet me in the beginning of the school year, and I’m really shy. Soon, I open up a little bit, we start talking, they find me interesting and want to hang out with me. But soon after THAT, they discover my true, plain, boring, and uninteresting character, and find out that in class, all I want to do is concentrate on work, then they no longer want to hang out with me anymore.

And THAT makes me mad. And my mind starts filing them in with the rest of those preps who think I’m boring. And that makes me act even more uninteresting and “normal” in front of them. I don’t even try to have fun with them anymore. And they get even more bored of me, and then yeah. It ends up like this.

Sorry for the long vent. It must be the heat.
[And blame the design for making the collumns narrow.]

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2 Responses

Hi. You don’t know me, but I had to say something about this. This was a powerful rant, my friend. I sympathize/relate to everything you’ve just said (er, typed?).

I hope the temperature becomes more bearable for you. Is it seriously 90-100 degrees over there? It’s a moderate 60-70 where I live. I despise hot places.

I COMPLETELY agree with you on the whole preppy girls thing, even though I’d rather refer to them as either girly girls or the ditzy bimbos – excuse my language – because smart preps do exist in this corrupt world. At first I thought you were being a total hypocrite because you always seem so happy and hyper and very preppy in your videos. But you, unlike most preps, have a brain. And it obvious that you use it. You eventually learn to adapt to them, though. I attend an all girls Catholic school, and you need to either be smart or rich to go there. My brain filters out their voices as irritating background noise. The majority of the rich girls are preppy, wearing their gallons of make-up, fixing their hair in the same style, and shortening our already short skirt to midway up their thighs. I know exactly what you have to deal with. I’m sorry you have it worse because you actually have classes with them. =( Shouldn’t you be placed in honors classes, though?

That last bit about concentrating on your work, being shy in the beginning, et cetera – I can relate to that so much you could have paraphrased from my journal. You deserve to be in a different school than that… that… rathole (which is the impression I’m getting from your descriptions; sorry if I’m misinterpreting). Be glad for all the friends you do have who understand your emotions and mood swings. Hold them and never let them go.

By the way, ignore my very preppy sounding email address. I selected when I was twelve and idiotic. xP

Hahah you probably won’t see this response, but thank you so much. :D Yeah, I have terrible mood swings. >____>;

I’m not very preppy myself. xP It just happens that in videos, I’m having a great time so of course I look happy. Why would there be videos of me sulking? :D

[Oh, and what’s sad is that my English class IS an honor’s class. They’re not stupid or anything; just incredibly inconsiderate and dense. Although one girl DID get a bad grade on her interesting oral report because she used “like” and “stuff” too much. xD I thought that was sad, but it amused me. -is shot-]

It’s still 90-100 degrees right now x___X But obviously my mood is better now. Thank you for commenting. =]
And your email isn’t as bad as my email. xP