Zombie Voting

I was surfing around the net and accidentally came across the Center for Disease Control’s Zombie Apocalypse page. I was really impressed. I had no idea someone in the United States Government had a sense of humor. I’ve heard zombies mentioned quite a bit lately from various sources and that usually indicates a blog is needed on the topic.

If you don’t know, zombies are people who have been brought back to life by mystical means and are in search of normal people’s brains. I’m not sure why they eat brains. Maybe its because when that person gets reanimated, they won’t need their brain. Another definition of zombie would be someone who is hypnotized and practically unconscious, but able to respond to surrounding stimuli. Much like those recent voters, who have ambled in to vote for Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum without using their brains.

Can’t you just picture all of them slowly, methodically, dragging one leg and swinging an arm, as they march toward the voting place. Hundreds of voters in a trance-like state who will be undeterred from their only purpose in life, voting for one of the candidates their media moguls encourage. “Its only between Mitt and Rick. Its only between Mitt and Rick. Its only between Mitt and Rick”, you hear them mutter as they pass by. You shout, “Wait, there is a better candidate! Have you heard about Ron Paul?” “Its only between Mitt and Rick.” Its no use, they just won’t listen!

Your eyes suddenly get wide and your mouth drops open. The Realization sinks in that the dreaded zombie apocalypse has begun! The time when zombies everywhere, arise and begin their long-awaited war against humanity. Zombies who hate human life in America, along with its liberties and opportunity for financial freedom. Zombies who love a crushing national debt, Zombies who have no other function than to keep their evil leaders in power! Zombies who ignore lie after lie from the same candidates over and over…

I’ve tried reasoning with them, tried handing them good intelligent literature, suggested good psychologists who could help pull them out of their self-inflicted pain. Nothing works. They are slaves who don’t want freedom. They are citizens intent on national suicide! I just don’t understand. Here is an awesome candidate in Ron Paul, that they just won’t vote for. A candidate who could have fit in perfectly sitting beside Thomas Jefferson. Ron Paul may be the last opportunity to save our country from the evils of debt, tyranny, and imperialism. If anyone could be nominated a founding father “out of time” its Ron Paul.

So how do we help these voting zombies? I suppose we could work it like a suicide prevention intervention. For people who are in danger of suicide, you would keep anything they could use to harm themselves out of reach. Let’s keep these people from the polls. If you know a Romney or Santorum supporter, invite them to play golf or go jogging that day. Go for a visit and ask to see all their home movies or pictures of grandchildren. Of course you need to go vote for Ron Paul yourself, first! Then, just keep them away. Keep them from harming themselves. We’ve got to love them, they just don’t know any better. Let’s also keep up the flow of truthful information. Zombies seem easily led by others in power, so if we can convert more of their leaders, we’ll have a pied piper effect. They might be able to “wake up” from their zombie trance when they see friends and relatives supporting a true leader.

The one bright spot on the horizon is the support that Ron Paul has from the younger generation. There may be a genetic trait that has developed to fight this disease. An anti-zombie chromosome. Or, its just possible, really possible–they’re smarter! Maybe our intelligence is evolving to the point that America will be saved from harmful politicians and greedy corporations by a generation of super voters. Able to swat aside media polls with a single swat. Jump over media traps with a single jump. Boldly go where the baby boomers didn’t!