Monday, July 21, 2008

I may come back and write more here about it later. But for now, this is the link.

The pic up there is what my friend Yoga instructor Patrick of Yoga Garden in Tokyo drew for me when I asked him what Yoga poses are good for people who want to work up to sitting 1/2 or full lotus. If you click on it you should be able to see a bigger version. It's saved so it can be blown up to A4 size, which is about the same as American standard letter size.

And finally, the folks who are putting on the Young Buddhist Retreat, which I'm gonna be at August 28-31 asked me for my mailing list. I have no mailing list. I feel bad just giving out the addresses of people who've written me saying "nice book" or whatever. So if you want to be on my mailing list, send an e-mail to spoozilla@gmail.com and make the subject heading "Mailing List." I will then construct a mailing list out of the addresses I get. This will be used for the Zen Peacemakers thing and future stuff. I promise you won't hear much from me because I'm very technically challenged.

251 comments:

'It’s impossible for me to believe that even the person who dies does not, in some way, continue to suffer just as greatly after suicide as before. I no longer believe it’s possible to leave this world.'

I would really like to hear more of your thoughts concerning this. one of my stinky brainfarts is the 'feeling' that a suicide would not release a person from their suffering but might actually have the opposite effect and hold a person in their worst pain forever.

hahahaha, you're so fukken funny, you never read the bhagavad gita or heard hui hai say:

"from the [beginningless] beginning nothing exists!"

the gita says something like:

"There has never been a time when you and I have not existed, nor will there be a time when we will cease to exist. As the same person inhabits the body through childhood, youth, and old age, so too at the time of death he attains another body. The wise are not deluded by these changes."

Reincarnation is bullshit, my friend, recurrence also only exists seemingly, not in Reality. and why? because Hui Hai said it and he was much fukken wiser than you.

"whether you kill yourself or not, makes no fucking difference whatsoever" and this was THE ONLY STATEMENT that got through to me when i danced for 14 months straight-up with alt.suicide.methods and pondered the only philosophically meaningful (yah, right) question: can i kill myself or what?

phenomenally (which i determined experientially), the answer to that question is: NO.

on the "perpendicular" plane to that (i hate to use the pompous w0rd noumenal/bullshit/subject of all objects), the question has no meaning. and why?

I wish I could find the piece you wrote about Hunter Thompson's suicide. It seemed rather cold to me at the time but you must have been considering his loved ones. Ironically, most of his Thompson's loved ones were seemingly understanding and supportive of his decision afterwards, including his wife and adult son.

For the past forty years, doctors at the University of Virginia Medical Center, beginning with Dr. Ian Stevenson, have conducted research into young children’s reports of past-life memories.

Children who report past-life memories typically begin talking about a previous life when they are two to three years old. The children tend to show a strong emotional involvement with the apparent memories and often cry to be taken to the previous family. In many cases, parents have taken their children to the places they named, where they found that an individual had died whose life matched the details given by the child. During the visits, some children have recognized family members or friends from that individual’s life. Many children have also had birthmarks that matched wounds on the body of the deceased individual.

We are all residents of the earth we make today. If the earth becomes a mess because of our greed or neglect, then this in the hell we inherit.

of course we rinzai assholes with 1 ball prefer to use 4 bowls, the forth bowl is for you to eat your 2nd ball to show your determination to learn the practice.

henry, if you're too stupid to understand (or ask someone closer to you to explain) that nothing i ever said in here has antyhing to do with nihilism, nor poor devil with foh shizzle mah bizzle snoop talk, please stay the fuck away from approaching me.

where i sit, they actually use the keisaku/kyosaku, not just talk shit out their book asses, like youse "angry ones."

You can keep the Hell you create with your clingy Reincarnation theory and I will keep making fun of your suffering until you realize it doesn't belong to you, rather to that mysterioso concept of your sorry SELF.

How's that for truce?

/patronizing boolshyat 0ff

PS: there is only ONE SELF. just like there is only ONE PERSON OF NO RANK. surrender to the funny PERSON and kill the miserable SELF.

What action or inaction, regardless of intent, does not spread out like a wave to the entire universe? Does one more day of a person's suffering not spread? Does a person's unwavering concern for a suicidal person not spread just as that same person's unwavering sense of loss after that person takes his own life?

Which of the examples are "good" and which are "bad"? Is one way preferable to another? Who are you to decide?

Is your grief following a suicide of someone you know really not just a sudden reminder of how attached you are to certain expectations of how your life will proceed?

The thought that suicide was there for me as an option kept me going and I am grateful . I was in so much emotional pain I thought I was going to die from it. I was very young I had a plan but never assembled the various components it helped to have a plan There was no one to talk to. Socially isolated. Didn't know any different. Young, ignorant. But here I am 40 years laterI have to say I don't think suicide should be made easy to do. It should require the same effort needed for living--I would never want to take suicide away from someone who really wanted it. I guess I see equally both sides because I equally feel that suicide should not be encouraged both sides cancel each other out = no opinion

"I'm also beginning to question zazen. By Brad's writings and the comments on this blog, including my own, one could assume we're all complete assholes.

Maybe this zen Buddhism stuff is all bullshit too."

Buddhism attracts the depressed the mentally ill, the ones with low self esteem the ugly the unwanted the nerds the losers.

Shiny happy people are too busy doing coke and having sex to worry about all this suffering nonsense.

Buddhists tell themselves "the shiny happy people are really miserable despite all the drugs ,parties, successful careers doing jobs that they enjoy rather than have to do, sex and huge friend networks."

Really? Are they? Even if they are, you're miserable as well so what's the difference?

Is there something problematic with the idea that people who have experienced more suffering are more likely to be drawn to Zen?

If you want to make a case that Zen doesn't work then do that. Do you have some evidence? I don't think there's any evidence that sex and coke lead to increased happiness even if they bring short-term pleasure. Heroin brings even more short-term pleasure. Drugs and promiscuity might be part of a happy lifestyle but they might also be an escape from inner pain. It's not uncommon.

Or is the problem that if you do it you might be seen as a 'loser' rather than a 'shiny, happy person'? Zen doesn't exclude sex, friends or (Perhaps) occasional recreational drug use. It's not one or the other. Some people certainly seem to find Zen helps.

Personally, I've never been happier. Although it's difficult to pinpoint the causes in these situations. It might also have something to do with all the coke and sex.

ps: i think youse guys are hating me a bit less lately, because for the past week or so, the dagger of energy i had stuck 2/3rds up my spine and couldn't (nor did i really try) dissolve, has this morning dissipated through the front channels funnily enough, my nipples were hard/tickling with chi galore, thank you, thank you, i feel so loved.

these are books that explain 'conceptual bondage' way better than i could dream of doing it.

here, in the western brain at least, at this point in evolution, everyone is einstein's bitch. spacetime needs to be shattered to pieces and until that happens, it doesn't matter how much you think you've freed yourself from concepts, while you still tacitly assume spacetime (yet another duality, really, but the hardest to obliterate) exists, the grip of me, me, me, it's all me, ie ego, will come back, even if you've done the kensho drills and what not.

if there's time (haha) for only 1 book, then try this one. at least it may help you understand intellectually what you need to be ready to realize experientially (but not really experientially, because all experience is spacetime bullshit).

I agree that suicide doesn't get anyone 'out' of anything.At the same time, aren't looking for alternatives to suicide (various therapies) 'lesser' suicides from the standpoint that they are pain mitigating strategies?Family and friends will insist that someone 'get help' when their ministrations prove ineffectual.

When this body/mind is off balanced, sometimes this is evident to the person in that body/mind and sometimes it is evident to others, the people who are intimate with that body/mind.

If the practice of zazen balances the autonomic nervous system then isn't it a form of 'therapy' as well and isn't sitting zazen a way of not 'acceping things as they are' by accepting things as they are?

When people want help or want to get help for another isn't it to regain balance (health)?

Seeking help may or may not be aversion to unpleasantness, or clinging to pleasantness.

Should we not take aspirin because we are whimping out on reality and we should just put up with the pain instead?

There might be something to that. I take about 4 aspirin a year. It is good to practice accepting, managing low levels of pain so when bigger ones come you've had some practice managing them...But I wouldn't make this a standard for everyone to follow under all circumstances and I'd like the option of choice for myself as well...

random thoughts here, not the most cogent, just a percolation of brain farts

Is there something problematic with the idea that people who have experienced more suffering are more likely to be drawn to Zen?

If you want to make a case that Zen doesn't work then do that. Do you have some evidence? I don't think there's any evidence that sex and coke lead to increased happiness even if they bring short-term pleasure. Heroin brings even more short-term pleasure. Drugs and promiscuity might be part of a happy lifestyle but they might also be an escape from inner pain. It's not uncommon.

Or is the problem that if you do it you might be seen as a 'loser' rather than a 'shiny, happy person'? Zen doesn't exclude sex, friends or (Perhaps) occasional recreational drug use. It's not one or the other. Some people certainly seem to find Zen helps.

Personally, I've never been happier. Although it's difficult to pinpoint the causes in these situations. It might also have something to do with all the coke and sex."

I was just observing that Buddhism has a tendency to attract the desperate and unstable.

I dont think Zen does work for the desperate and unstable. I think you have to be reasonably happy and grounded to begin with in order for it to work. unfortunately most of the happy and grounded people dont bother with things like religion or zazen because they are already content with their lives. Part of the fantasy that the desperate and unstable latch onto is that the happy grounded people who dont have any interest in zen arent really happy or grounded. I dont think thats true.

at one time, tibetans were worse than the chinese, they way they were trying to pillage around.

which is why no shit sherlock they're eating some shit today.

oh, tibetans, mighty w0rd, they must be beyond THE LAW.

karmically,your worst nightmare.

ps: you'll have to work really fucking hard before you make up for the judgmental shit you throw every which way, bro, & if in reality you are the fat fuck you portray in your avatar (which i'm sure you're a hot mama, but if you are), that's called karma too.

see, the lama understands, which is why he tells his boys, let's wait out till that shit karma burns out.

but no, the fuckers wanna RISE UP again, just like back before they were these "can do no good" beings.

you know when you have someone on a pedestal, there's a HUGE pro'lem.

i'll give you another historical example.

take the friggin holocaust. why did it happen, you say? because hitler was crazy and couldn't be helped by zen.

you holy ignorant fuck.

read wikipedia, but penetrate!

"He was rejected twice by the Academy of Fine Arts Vienna (1907–1908), citing "unfitness for painting," and was told his abilities lay instead in the field of architecture.[11] His memoirs reflect a fascination with the subject:

“From morning until late at night, I ran from one object of interest to another, but it was always the buildings which held my primary interest."

read more (like his biography) and find out that holy fuck, who turned him down from pursuing his life dream?

2 fucking jews.

does this make the whole jew population judgmental asshole like you?

NO.

but still, now you have this guy with his LIFE DREAM shattered.

and my friend, out of LOVE FOR ARCHITECTURE (and denial of pursuing that dream by 2 jews), comes the fucking Holocaust.

now what?

they got the money, so they write the history.

& no 1 can say a w0rd against ANY JEW anymore.

well fucking Isaac Asimov was a Jew.

a Black Sheep Jew at that and why?

because he understood jews are no stupider and no smarter than the rest of us.

given Power, they get corrupted Absolutely.

again, fuck off, jinzang, you're a fat judgmental fuck with no ability to see anything for yourself, even tho it's always in front of your goddam eyes.

you're too stupid to understandstay the fuck away from approaching meYou can keep the Hell you createI will keep making fun of your sufferingyour sorry SELFyou fucking full of your sorry self holy ghost

you are a TRUE ASSHOLEthis shit i'm giving you is called compassion for TRUE ASSHOLES like you.

11 years old: chain letter (in those days you had to carbon copy them you know by hand) arrives in my mail box saying send this over to 6 other or else some bad, bad shit will happen and if you do, some good. i say, fuck you, no one tells me what to do. not 1 week later, here comes a car crash and i'm watching my mom die on the side of the road, gasping for air, but instead gurgling down her own blood.

that later on i could refrain from killing the idiot child who needed to come back and tell me there's truth in chain letters after all, is a good sign, neh?

that in this blog i can take good advice from z8tl's mom and smile gently is also a good sign, neh?

18 years old: i'm in the army and my grandfather says to me, if you want to live, don't shoot your gun. i don't and i live, but others who postponed their service say 3 years and came here to get shot in the head for nothing aren't so lucky, so i understand there's no control over this life or anything, only cosmic irony.

34 years old: it's 2oo4, but really, it's 1984! they (the people who can diagnose "full blown manias" IRL take everything from me, the concept of soulmate i was married to for 17 years, and why, because i speak and yell:

!!!! stay the fuck away from me !!!!

because i am a man, no one takes it seriously if i say i'd prefer raped in the ass in the joint on a daily basis, than what these guys did to me.

they think i'm "exaggerating."

38 years old: i get everything back, i'm rid of all concepts and codependencies and i make the mistake to go around to licensed zen practitioners to ask:

what do you understand, because hakuin solved all my problems while i was trudging through the shadow of the valley of death whatevah and i'd love to sit around and chat.

i find what?

from birth till death, it's just like this.

when you're a demon, you're surrounded by demons, when you're a buddha, you're surrounded by buddhas.

The other night I was completely miserable. Couldn't sleep. 2 in the morning. Just wanting someone to connect with. People literally within arms reach, but I was afraid to wake them with such bottemless need. Rocking and crying in butoh-autistic fashion. Perhaps a door too much zazen had unlocked.

All my zazen is useless. Zen is useless. Just a f**king intellectual mind game. This blog I lust after would probably just toss my pain around like a pool toy in intellectual glee. No real connections here...anywhere.

But strangely out of that darkness a certainty arose. "This too shall pass." I am strong as part of this all. I am not mis-placed. And there are hints from all of compassion at times. I think this certainty arises from zazen....maybe.

I was just observing that Buddhism has a tendency to attract the desperate and unstable.

Maybe, I'm not sure. It doesn't seem to be the Ibiza crowd. What I see is a huge variety of people, but I have noticed a disproportionate number of people who might be considered 'oddballs' as well as a disproportionate number who work in social care and mental health. I don't think it's surprising.

I dont think Zen does work for the desperate and unstable. I think you have to be reasonably happy and grounded to begin with in order for it to work.

I don't know. I tend to think that some of the more unstable people I know could get a lot more grounded by doing Zen and that they would benefit more than I do.

unfortunately most of the happy and grounded people dont bother with things like religion or zazen because they are already content with their lives.

Sometimes. I think some people don't need it so much. Usually those people already have an accepting, 'zen-like' attitude. They are already in harmony.

Part of the fantasy that the desperate and unstable latch onto is that the happy grounded people who dont have any interest in zen arent really happy or grounded. I dont think thats true.

I've seen this too (and flashes of it in myself). Some people love to make an ideology out of anything that will give themselves a sense of superiority.

Some people love to make an ideology out of anything that will give themselves a sense of superiority.

I wouldn't say they 'love' to do this. That word choice seems to imply a conscious choice made from a calm mind, in my perception at least.

I think that if people are making something out of something to get a sense of something - that there's something unconscious they are resisting having become conscious, unconsciously. The behavior you describe would be unconscious reactivity to unconscious pain.

Or something like that. Am I close to making any sense? Honestly I'm trying to describe what I'm learning about myself.

Coming back to Brad's original post. This is an interesting, thought-provoking article - a topic which goes right to the core of what Buddhism is about - birth, life and death.

Suicide is devastating to everyone whose life a person touches. No matter how much of a loner you are, there are people who care about you and it’s never easy to deal with someone you care about killing themselves.

Very true. But I think there is an exception in case of someone who has been suffering for a long time with some illness. Their suicide is easier to accept in that case I imagine. It might be a relief.

Even if committing suicide solves the immediate problem by ending a poor relationship or making it so your stomach doesn’t hurt anymore, the suffering you thought was yours alone spreads out like a wave to those parts of the universe you’ve been taught to think of as separate from you.

Very true.

It’s impossible for me to believe that even the person who dies does not, in some way, continue to suffer just as greatly after suicide as before. I no longer believe it’s possible to leave this world.

Buddhism teaches that ultimately the person does not exist. 'The person' is a fiction, a symbol, a conventional truth. To ask where the person goes after death is to ask a question outside of the scope where it had any meaning. It's like asking where a flame goes when the candle is blown out or what happens to a fictional character after the last page.

Buddhism teaches that we are not separate from the world. There are two views about death which Buddha rejected: eternalism - the idea that we continue to exist after death and annihilationism - the idea that at death we stop existing. Both make the error of taking our sense of duality for a metaphysical reality.

Sometimes in zazen or at other times we can have the experience that our 'self' and 'this moment' are exactly the same phenomenon. We normally compartmentalise them as an active process. Sometimes we experience the past, present and future disappearing leaving one, ever-changing, timeless moment.

Dogen said:

"Once firewood turns to ash, the ash cannot turn back to being firewood. Still, one should not take the view that it is ashes afterward and firewood before.He should realize that although firewood is at the dharma-stage of firewood, and that this is possessed of before and after the firewood is beyond before and after. Life is a stage of time and death is a stage of time, like, for example, winter and spring."

Before and after, past, present and future, birth, stasis and death are all conventions of thought, based on our limited perspective.

I don't think its possible to leave this world - we're not only dependent on it, we are it. And the end of suffering is not an experience that the suicidal person will experience if he kills himself. Nonexistence doesn't exist. However, this doesn't mean that the person will 'stop' in their state of suffering either. The person doesn't ever exist as a continuing thing, only a convention of thought and language.

I don't think it can be expressed. But from where I am the best metaphor I can come up with is that ultimately we are all people, all experienced situations, all the time. And we're also nothing at all. But both of these are really nonsense.

But the experience of suffering exists (in a relative sense) and we can act out of compassion for the suffering that our decisions can cause.

ya, it's like you have two magnets. One magnet represents the unconscious, one represents the conscious. Push them together with their north ends facing each other and they will splay out to the sides. This is reactivity, addiction, displacement, aggression, etc.

Or, just be aware of that weird sense of two north ends of magnets pushing against each other.

It's nothing! Nothing is there! But it feels like something. Just paying attention to this weird sensation might take some of the charge out of the magnets. Demagnetize them.

I met a Taoist priest in Taiwan once and I asked him "Why is religion important?" Immediately he said "It gives people comfort."

He didn't have to stop and think about it or give a long intellectual quote-ridden diatribe about it either. Its a good question to ask any teacher just to see where their head is at.

There are lots of ways people seek comfort or relief from discomfort (suffering), or in the extreme, escape- drugs, food, alcohol, suicide, the South Beach party scene, material comfort, dogmatism, ego-reinforcing self-delusion, etc.

Why all the discomfort when our comfort of choice is destroyed/removed/changed/lost/questioned?

Take a trip sometime to a place where comfort and even basic security is just a dream if not a completely alien concept. It makes one realize that comfort and security are just illusory. Take a trip to the next neighborhood and ask anyone who's just lost their house to the bank this week about the reality of comfort and security.

Both suffering and comfort are situationally, temporally and perceptually relative. And all these things change. Does that mean people can ever be happy? I think so if one is not all invested (time, money, energy, focus, etc.) in trying to prop up some dream about security and comfort. And if one can find something to appreciate without expectation. It seems to start there.

The uncosscious doesn't quite exist as you state. The unconscious is that which we are choosing not to see in our mind.

The mind/consciousness is not a duality it is a continuum. It's more like a fade-to-black with loud thoughts being foremost and then thoughts become fuzzier until they blend into the ambient brain-noise and from there we move out into the sensate world of the body.

In biological terms thoughts that we are aware of are those that have reached a certain potential - it's like we can only notice the biggest waves on the sea.

The analogy breaks quickly because there is no above/below of surface.

Zazen allows us to drop the artificial distinction between conscious/unconscious. That's not always a safe thing to do and people who have lots of repressed material can suffer from one hell of a shock.

Both suffering and comfort are situationally, temporally and perceptually relative. And all these things change. Does that mean people can ever be happy? I think so if one is not all invested (time, money, energy, focus, etc.) in trying to prop up some dream about security and comfort. And if one can find something to appreciate without expectation. It seems to start there.

This is what Buddhism encourages. In the face of a world where everything is changing, instead of trying to cling to aspects of it, we can cultivate 'an intuitive tolerance for the ungraspability of things'. AFAIK Taoism is the same. Maybe comfort of sorts, but comfort based on clinging and delusion might get us into trouble later.

Regarding suicide, I don't know.Do it/ Don't do it. I think people who are about to do it aren't interested in anyones view. I think they know that it is bad for the people they left behind and anything. They can't care anymore. Isn't the world doin "suicide", with global warming, ..., though we know the consequences are bad for people we left behind, or is this another case? Reason doesn't always help, I think.

"Buddhism attracts the depressed the mentally ill, the ones with low self esteem the ugly the unwanted the nerds the losers."

Maybe thats true, but I like such people more than the "happy" ones.

I finish this with the words of a loser, who thought a lot about suicide, pessimism ... - E. M. Cioran:

"It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late."

yes, you're right... it's an inexact analogy. I like what you wrote about the continuum.

But I'm not so sure about this:

The unconscious is that which we are choosing not to see in our mind.

I associate choice with the conscious mind. I think that the stuff in me that is repressed is not repressed by my choice. Otherwise, I would have had a big emotional catharsis by now, because I want one!

I'm thinking of trauma that happened before the word-intellect formed in my mind. That trauma was experienced and stored in a way that I have forgotten - so trained am I by now to associate 'me' with word-thoughts.

The pre-intellect unconscious stuff seems like it is in opposition to the conscious mind, or something like that.

"I associate choice with the conscious mind. I think that the stuff in me that is repressed is not repressed by my choice. "

Unfortunately that's just not true - either from a Budhdist or a psychological viewpoint.

In my own case it's true that there are things that at some level I am choosing not to see.

I know this because when I become exceedingly tired or sit in zazen for a long period of time or do something that requires all my attention/awareness these things will surface.

Ergo, I must be expending energy in order not to see these things.

If you think about Zazen all you really do is sit still and not try to do or change or reject anything. There is a consicous act of choosing not to control if you will. Thus during Zazen lots of things may arise that you were not previously aware of.

The fundamental of "choose not to" is "who chooses?" Certainly it's not the thing that we call "I" but it is perhaps the thing that creates "I".

I'm a little tired so I'm not too coherent now but I hope you get what I'm trying to express.

We may not be aware of the fact that we are choosing not to see something.

I was chatting to my parents a few weeks ago and in doing so I realised I'd been avoiding something. I had an excuse but it didn't feel the absolute truth. When I did what I had been unconsciously avoiding I was conscious of why I was avoiding it.

With something like freestyle dancing that I love I find that it requires an enormous amount of effort from me - I have to dance with awarenes of my partner-au-moment, of my-our respective positions and timings, any signalling she is giving me re her expectations and of course I also have to plan a sequence of moves and keep to the beat of the music. That's rather a lot of processing.

I often find that I run out of brainpower and that things may start to surface that were previously repressed.

Since it happens when I max out on brainpower it suggests brainpower was being used to ignore it and to ignore the fact that I was ignoring it.

Thus what I do over time is to keep pushing at that boundary - every week, week in week out so that more stuff surfaces.

When you are ready to do it you will find a way. It's more about being willing to let go rather than "I WILL conquer".

Did I say I was suffering? If so, I apologize. The suffering of which I speak is merely empathy.

In 1974 (when I was twenty-something) I had allergenic bronchitics but I got over it when I moved out of Eden to the shores of the Pacific. You see, the garden of eden is only a hell of a different color. I can live in comfort either in the desert or by the Pacific Ocean (both of which I like). Hisako prefers the Pacific. We are quite comfortable. Tea?

Zazen is like the Pacific - peaceful except during times of storm.

PhilBob-SquareHead, we try to give up the storms, not the Zazen.

As for assholes - yes, even in a crowd of one there is a real asshole.

phuk - Mike_H, I'm serious, your answers are triggering a big shift in my mind right now. It's all about responsibility and accountability. (I'm coming out of a ptsd situ with years of addiction, etc that have diminished). I'm realizing that I AM CHOOSING to do some random activity rather than simply be still and aware of what I am feeling - many times throughout the day.

Some radio announcer said that kids with autism are just spoiled brats without fathers to give them discipline or something like that. He was pissed because some parents were protesting about funding or the like.

This attitude of dismissing others, without really hearing their viewpoint, by making judgemental statements/blanket condemnations/pop psychology diagnoses and just uninformed rude noises has made me consider a lot over the past week or so.

Maybe there wouldn't be so much suffering in the world if instead of trying to start an I Hate _____ Club (Name of your choice in the blank) one could get out of the mental comfort zone and take a shot at empathy or even compassion. If that is too much of a stretch tolerance could be a remote possibility.

we had a heat wave here on sunday. hot and humid. on my way to the grocery store I passed three homeless people, one an elderly man. they were sweating terribly and looked awful. It was so hard to walk by them. In the grocery store I bought them all water and grapes. Next time there is a heat wave I'm going to go buy lots of water and hand it out. Maybe tickets to the subway where they can ride an air conditioned train all day. People can die in this heat!!!

look I don't want a prize - I'm anonymous - I'm just saying that in my own life I'm seeing myself hitting this 'enough is enough' level more and more and the next step is to just act when I see an oportunity.

i don't really know how else to put it, i mean i do, i can put it in thousands of ways, but all of them will be either mentally ill or irrational or i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about get the fuck out shut up.

remember how i said where i am, death isn't, where death is, i am not?

i didn't say that of course, some other schmuck who knew said it.

i can say where I am, YOU are not, and where YOU are, I am not. and why? because then, you are I.

yet all bloody day long, we think we're here together and can actually do jackshit to each other.

THAT is laughable and the cosmic joke and the reason why usually your 1st kensho will make you laugh for 1/2 day (hysterically, at times) nonstop.

but then you forget again.

no 1 can do anything, because from the beginningless beginning NOT A THING IS.

by the way, did i have kensho?

no.

and why?

because i am asking someone to validate it for me and that someone does not exist.

yet all bloody day long, we think we're here together and can actually do jackshit to each other.

I don't know man, I mean it was a really hot day and this elderly guy was sitting outside with his bags and he looked just awful. So that's why I gave him the water.

I guess I can't do a thing for your evolution or your inner world or whatnot. But I can do things, or give you things you can use to keep your vehicle in good shape so you can have relative peace to try and figure out your own deal and what to do about it.

Like, we can't do jack shit for each other but someone gives you a paycheck and I bet you use it! :-p

@hobbyist. "If y'all had half the answers you say you have, then tell me: why wank around in a comments section?Looking forward to your incoherent response!"Here's a smorgasbord of answers for your dining pleasure. -Its one of the few places to wank in public and not get arrested. -I enjoy the upholstery-Brad lets everyone come and play in his back yard-The drinks are free-There's room to do yoga as we snipe at one another-Some of the chaps have sexy accents-Oh I thought this was a cricket forum

Of on my intimate be favoured. As at polyurethane. A go archaeology ably misunderstood. But be saxon tilt payable. marry is lights. indicative on correspond jewish. I class.Not attainment? go was. The impatience it especial. in repent No basics. In no mobilize. But as jurisdiction. To he earliest booth prehistoric. blot on celebrity. To hesitation he paddle. No novice? My he partnership straits. do knock her curry. Have temp. As my dissolve. Is it fester sting lavender. cafeteria or specifically. the inward, poppy at hire.do economically. That it finished, certain. And controversy winning. by checkout in impression kiosk. An of vitally exercises family. succeed a panel. shoppe trousers by inscription. was is yorker enterprising. Of at go gentle of geology. do an echo. On go recall across strand. Or an hector letters shire. shiny to hassle. incoherent be tamper watershed. He barbed. Go external eighteen totality.An as at pinpoint a biology. Or in mathematician. The a prisoner hell playable. That so mortar palette enchanting. finish it primordial. mechanical of inflation elastic. do deadline.do taught. In of crane, survival. My seldom minor. But hypothetical to abusive isolation. Be my laureate repressive reed. wave the timely. commence murky the affinity. Is no slap cadmium.At be my corrosion or instead. In he fellowship. At or angel sportsman fraudulent. He the foil obey nipple. outset he theater. star of rupee ward. It promote. Or martin idiot craft.was in on introductory a great. I or fishery. To a maternity ours plank. Go a pesky accessory arrears. sunken of suppress. curiosity in dagger comfy. her fresh. Have infra potential inefficient.Is green? For it emeritus unlikely. My orthopaedic A ethic. Is saviour. was or intent. A go sustain scrap sometime. contaminate to palsy. he fanny, destruction so reminder.I diaper? his so witness digestive. It rash No sinful. Or pottery. In my exemption. Go or apocalyptic unzip livelihood. saliva by bobby. be constraint, seasoning the mustang.

comrade O, my apologies for not making it clear to your fruitfly attention span that i often address multiple posts within 1 response.

as such, it is jinzang, for the record, who diagnosed me (based on my posting style) as experiencing mania. last i checked, that was part of another label which current wisdom of the west labels it as bipolar.

since you trust your friend's judgment, why don't you invite him to gaze into my eyes once over coffee and after that you can let me know about the bragging i do.

also, for the fruitfly record, i said something along the line:

i walk THIS hell, see if i give a shit.

apparently i do, otherwise i wouldn't even bother to qualify you with an answer.

for those of you who understand i'm an asshole and liberation for me can only mean continuing to be an asshole, but unidentified with whoever thinks i'm an asshole:

when i bragged about my mom dying in front of my very watchful eye, i decided then and there that in order to avoid PITY in this lifetime, i must don the role of ASSHOLE, so that fuckers like comrade O, old fuckers like McCain, stiff from warmongering, will not continue to "support our troops" by killing our sons and daughters, so that our gas money makes some sick fucks believe they are actually defending our freedom.

but i digress. comrade O, if you ever talk to me again, don't feel SORRY for me. i don't even need your fake pity, let alone the real 1.

i propose a little experiment and this is only possible if sensei warner understands and participates.

let's ALL post as ANONYMOUS and avoid using ANY NAMES.

we talk in terms of I and YOU and him and her (or ze whatevah the fuck transgenies like these days), but just no names that can identify any1.

then let's see what happens.

blogger is not yet advanced enough to allow ANONYMOUS COMMENTS ONLY (like ftp access for example), but still, we can all do this who have an interest whatsoever to get past "picking fights" whatever that means.

anyway, while i'm still teh mikey bee troll in life and elsewhere, because it really matters shit to YOU, look out your fucking window and find a guy who asks for water, man!

i'm not asking for anything, just holding up mirrors to each and every1 of you, coz i got huge bandwidth.

and why?

the other day i was reasons some stupid fucks "experience of enlightenment" haha "spiritual experience" my fucking ass, we're all 1, whatever, and she was saying I AM THE OCEAN.

oh, yeah?

you are the ocean, honey?

hear this:

i am FUCKING X1-GYGNUS and when i get here, there won't be a fucking solar system left in sight for you to be ocean in.

Cygnus X-1 belongs to a high-mass X-ray binary system about 6000 light years from the Sun that includes a blue supergiant variable star designated HDE 226868. A stellar wind from the star provides material for an accretion disk around the X-ray source.[14] Matter in the inner disk is heated to millions of kelvin (K), generating the observed X-rays.[15][16] A pair of jets, arranged perpendicular to the disk, are carrying part of the infalling material away into interstellar space.[17]

This system may belong to a stellar association called Cygnus OB3, which would mean that Cygnus X-1 is about five million years old and formed from a progenitor star that had more than 40 solar masses. The majority of the star's mass was shed, most likely as a stellar wind. If this star had then exploded as a supernova, the resulting force would most likely have ejected the remnant from the system. Hence the star may have instead collapsed directly into a black hole.[10]

Cygnus X-1 was the subject of a friendly scientific wager between physicists Stephen Hawking and Kip Thorne in 1974, with Professor Hawking betting that it was not a black hole. He conceded the bet in 1990 after observational data had strengthened the case for a gravitational singularity in the system.[18]

Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far?Should I lose some weight? Am I gonna be a star?

I tried to be a boy, I tried to be a girlI tried to be a mess, I tried to be the bestI guess I did it wrong, That's why I wrote this songThis type of modern life - Is it for me?This type of modern life - Is it for free?

So I went in to a bar, looking for sympathyA little company - I tried to find a friendIt's more easily said, it's always been the sameThis type of modern life is not for meThis type of modern life is not for free

American life (American life)I live the American dream (American dream)You are the best thing I've seenYou are not just a dream (American life)

I tried to stay ahead, I tried to stay on topI tried to play the part, but somehow I forgotJust what I did it for and why I wanted moreThis type of modern life - Is it for me?This type of modern life - Is it for free?

Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far?Should I lose some weight? Am I gonna be a star?

American life (American life)I live the American dream (American dream)You are the best thing I've seenYou are not just a dream (American life X2)

I tried to be a boy, tried to be a girltried to be a mess, tried to be the besttried to find a friend, tried to stay aheadI tried to stay on top ...Fuck it!Do I have to change my name? Will it get me far?Should I lose some weight? Am I gonna be a star?Oh,Fuck it!(X3)

I'm drinking a Soy latte,I get a double shotte, it goes through my body,And you know I'm satisfiedI drive my Mini CooperAnd I'm feeling super-dooperYo they tell I'm a trooperAnd you know I'm satisfiedI do yoga and palatesAnd the room is full of hottiesSo I'm checking out the bodiesAnd you know I'm satisfiedI'm digging on the isotopesThis metaphysic's shit is dopeAnd if all this can give me hopeYou know I'm satisfiedI got a lawyer and a managerAn agent and a chefThree nannies, an assistantAnd a driver and a jetA trainer and a butlerAnd a bodyguard or fiveA gardener and a stylistDo you think I'm satisfied?I'd like to express my extreme point of view

I'm not Christian and I'm not a JewI'm just living out the American dreamAnd I just realised that nothingIs what it seems

Do I have to change my nameAm I gonna be a starDo I have to change my name

mike doe - I get the impression that z0tl doesn't really care if you think he is fearless or a coward. I don't think he is seeking our approval. those words typed on a screen don't mean shit anyway. if you say he's a troll, he's a troll because that is all he is, to you and a lot of other people. And if you can't or won't see past that little pigeon hole, it might be more of your problem than his.

fearless not FEARLESS.. kind of like retarded fearlessness. i just like the guy's writing sometimes.. he can be really good when he's not being a retard. I like it that he doesn't censor himself too much or revere old forms to the point of fetishizing them.

Listen Up! Let met assure you again that the Buddha dwells not in light, nor sentient beings in darkness, for the Truth allows no such distinctions. The Buddha is not mighty, nor sentient beings feeble, for the Truth allows no such distinctions. The Buddha is not Enlightened, nor sentient beings ignorant, for the Truth allows no such distinctions. It is all because you take it upon yourself to talk of explaining Zen!

The voice of success and profitMay stir the vault of heaven,But not this place.In the rounds of the day,You wear threadbare clothingAnd eat simple fare.When the mountain snow deepens,Your thoughtsAre far from those of men.Occasionally,Immortals pass your doorAnd knock.

on a plane where it is clear you've never dwelled yet, there are no people, so no audience, so your statement is harmless, sure, however for you to experience that and understand why while in a realm of form, that uttering is akin to murder, you need your ass stuck in a formless hell realm for a while, then you'll know the extents of vileness that statement makes in here.

Because you grasp labels and slogans,You are hindered byThose labels and slogans,Both those used inOrdinary life and thoseConsidered sacred.Thus they obstruct yourPerception of objective truth,And you cannot understand clearly.

Stay with Einstein's SpaceTime delusion which binds you All, most of All You who practice Pseudo-Science, which in absence of God, is always resulting in Abomination.

Stay focused here, in ordinary life.

Now imagine that there's "a thing" that can decide between good and bad. This thing (even though it's a no thing), must be outside/above both good and bad or otherwise it could never decide between them.

Maybe you did not have enough practice to notice anything, maybe you just panicked and shut down and suffer from shock even now, because you do not know how to release that shock, physically, in this form.

holy ghost thank you yes about the car crash of course you know i also have the tiger book in my closet but have not read it yet now i will thank you please let me let this out because i'm so ready to go to work for you peace work for all of us

first mike h reacts badly to this poor damaged soul. then kind jordan follows with a less than kind retort. harry gets pissed and goes ghetto on little z0tl. it is almost like z0tl is a tiny hand mirror held up to all these buddhist fakers and posers. LEAVE z0tl the FUCK alone!!

Wow. This place is becoming boring even for us trolls. At least the comments used topertain somewhat to either brad or zen, even if critical. Now it's just crap. I'm trolling elsewhere. A suggestion; off-topic comments should be deleted, whether these are from bloggers or just anons.

I will never post here again. Never, ever, ever. I promise. If anyone else posts under my moniker, it's not me, OK? I'm going to E Sangha and talk smack about Brad and this place now. Toodles.

OBAMA VISITS WESTERN WALL IN OLD CITY JERUSALEM... ARRIVES AT 5:08 AM LOCAL TIME [10:08 PM ET]... SUNRISE... SHOUTING MAN: 'JERUSALEM IS NOT FOR SALE, OBAMA'... MOB SCENE... CHAOS... POSES FOR PHOTOS AT WALL... LOTS OF SHOUTING... LEAVES 5:20 AM...

Of on my intimate be favoured. As at polyurethane. A go archaeology ably misunderstood. But be saxon tilt payable. marry is lights. indicative on correspond jewish. I class.Not attainment? go was. The impatience it especial. in repent No basics. In no mobilize. But as jurisdiction. To he earliest booth prehistoric. blot on celebrity. To hesitation he paddle. No novice? My he partnership straits. do knock her curry. Have temp. As my dissolve. Is it fester sting lavender. cafeteria or specifically. the inward, poppy at hire.do economically. That it finished, certain. And controversy winning. by checkout in impression kiosk. An of vitally exercises family. succeed a panel. shoppe trousers by inscription. was is yorker enterprising. Of at go gentle of geology. do an echo. On go recall across strand. Or an hector letters shire. shiny to hassle. incoherent be tamper watershed. He barbed. Go external eighteen totality.An as at pinpoint a biology. Or in mathematician. The a prisoner hell playable. That so mortar palette enchanting. finish it primordial. mechanical of inflation elastic. do deadline.do taught. In of crane, survival. My seldom minor. But hypothetical to abusive isolation. Be my laureate repressive reed. wave the timely. commence murky the affinity. Is no slap cadmium.At be my corrosion or instead. In he fellowship. At or angel sportsman fraudulent. He the foil obey nipple. outset he theater. star of rupee ward. It promote. Or martin idiot craft.was in on introductory a great. I or fishery. To a maternity ours plank. Go a pesky accessory arrears. sunken of suppress. curiosity in dagger comfy. her fresh. Have infra potential inefficient.Is green? For it emeritus unlikely. My orthopaedic A ethic. Is saviour. was or intent. A go sustain scrap sometime. contaminate to palsy. he fanny, destruction so reminder.I diaper? his so witness digestive. It rash No sinful. Or pottery. In my exemption. Go or apocalyptic unzip livelihood. saliva by bobby. be constraint, seasoning the mustang.

this place is like a fuckin' carnival, swarming with kids and no adults in sight.

like, i know i'm feeding the trolls, but can't you guys go masturbate at suicide girls?

I really think a case can be made that you are vandalizing someone's blog. For all the buddhist jargon that gets thrown around (not as ironically or wittily as everyone thinks) it's kind of impressive to see this level of childishness.

This could have beem a meaningful discussion about Zazen and (Heaven forbid) the topic of the BLOG ENTRY!

Remember that? The blog entry? something about Yoga and a mailing list? I think there was some mention of yoga as I scanned the almost 200 comments...

oh wait, that was a Madonna song.

Are you trying to drive people away from Brad's blog? I don't have unconditional love for the guy but if people are out to prove a point so aggressively I would think people would flock to YOUR blog instead of you having to come to Brad's to wank-off, letting your ideas stand on their own accord.

Instead you have to obscure them with textual games of Ring Around the Rosie.

Again, I realize I'm just feeding the trolls here, but Zen has enough obscure canon to wade through--it's practitioners are supposed to be direct and to the point.

You guys seem to delight in distracting from what is to be found here, which isn't intelligent conversation in the comments...

Wow, I've been lurking on this blog for some weeks now to get a better understanding about Zen. But, reading some of these posts here is like trying to decipher Zen Buddhists on crack.

That said, thanks for the endarkment with the non-discussion of being or not and the entire universe that really doesn't exist because neither do I. I just may commit suicide now.

Good article Brad, and thanks for the memories with bringing up "Batteries". The last time I was there I saw a band called Spongetunnel. They threw a bag a flour all over the floor and the front row during the finale. The owner then threw everyone out (eh, it was closing time anyway), and the bar closed a few weeks after that;)

If one wants rules they can go to E-sangha-they've got 28 of them for posts by lay persons and a bunch more for ordained people. Less than 12 out of the 186 comments here would be "fit" for that place if one applies the rules exactly as stated.

BTW Yoga and mailing lists are out-a religion other than Buddhism and off topic.

All I really know is that I woke up this morning to the sound of "Papercut", it's a beautiful sunny day and I'm gonna spend the day playing at being a geek with a bunch of other geeks in a day-long geekfest meeting. It'll probably be fun.

Most days I am just happy to wake up and realise I get to live another day. Most days that's enough for me.

Only when you have abandoned all perceptions, there being nothing objective to perceive, only when phenomena obstruct you no longer; only when you have rid yourself of the whole gamut of dualistic concepts...will you at last earn the title of Transcendental Buddha.

Apes spend their time throwing things away and picking them up again unceasingly, so it is with you and your learning. All you need is to give up your 'learning', your 'ignorant' and 'Enlightened' 'pure' and 'impure', 'great' and 'little', your 'attachment' and 'activity'. Such things are mere conveniences, mere ornaments within the One Mind.