Mom with dementia flipped out when new aide came. Do I call the agency?

My mother is 92 yo and has moderate to severe dementia. The aide we had has retired and now a new aide came today. My mom flipped out for two hours and wouldn't relax at all. She doesnt seem to like this person though she just got here today. I don't know what to do. Do I call the agency and change the aide or do I give it another day and see what happens? Maybe my mom is just not used to her yet or maybe she just doesn't want her. She was used to the other aide who was different but this aide seems okay. I am here watching for a few days but then I have to leave. Any advice would be welcome because my sisters are no help and I am really stressing out.

Answers

my mom did what msmadge's mom did- she Freaked out screaming and yelling for help banging on neighbors doors. I had told the agency NOT to send people of color and they wouldnt listen. Unfortunately she never adopted to any stranger being in her place- oh except one, an older woman- but at first mom hid in the closet and cried...so.. Please , they are used to trying new people- usually you can meet with the new one first and decide.

Is mom living alone? It takes more than one aide to care for an elderly parent with dementia

My mom had huge melt downs with aides coming into the house - ran outside screaming for neighbors to call the police and fell and broke her ankle

Even now that she's in a care facility I have aides with her and it can take several weeks for her to get used to a new one - yes she has definite likes and dislikes but I can't quite figure out what they are except quiet folks are better than excessive chatter boxes

One aide told me that mom was getting used to her -she wasn't cussing her out so much anymore

Thank you for the advice, I will give it a week and see how it goes. I think she is having a tough time with a new person. I will talk to the aide and explain how my mom needs to be spoken to and to have patience.She doesn't have any problems with any ethnic backgrounds as long as they are good people.I can extend my stay but I won't be able to stay home this weekend and I just want my mom to be feeling okay.I have today and tomorrow to be home then I have things to take care of on Friday and Saturday but I will return after. Just want her to be okay. That's all.Its taking a toll on me and I have nobody who gets it except for here. Even my two older sisters have no sympathy for how I feel. They don't care because I am here at this time. It was me taking care and doing all the paperwork to get her the service. I find myself flipping out and exhausted. I just need someone to care. Thank you again for your advice.

The one thing I would suggest , you are already doing. Being with her for the first few days is one way to help her acclimate to the new aide. Dementia reduces the ability of the person to accept change. Perhaps you can buy a treat that Mom would really enjoy but have the aide give it to Mom. Special coffee or breakfast item for example. Make sure the new aide is familiarized with the typical schedule so that things pretty much stay the same for your Mom. Good luck. Honestly, none of us like change!

How did the aide handle it? If you think she did pretty well in the circumstances, I should hang on to her. Chances are it is the change, rather than the new person herself, that's upset your mother, don't you think? And in that case another new person would just make things worse.

Talk to the aide and the agency and agree a reasonable trial period. There's no possibility of extending your stay, then?

It is always a difficult situation when a favorite Aide leaves, and a new one needs to take her place. I would have the Aide try for a week to see how it goes. Let the Aide know what routine the previous Aide had, and how things were done.

By chance is your Mom bias against certain races and religions? See if the Agency can find an Aide similar to the previous one. No guarantee that will work but it make make it easier. My own Mom was very bias of different ethic and religious backgrounds to a point of embarrassment.... the caregivers took what Mom said in stride.

The material of this web site is provided for informational purposes only. AgingCare.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment; or legal, or financial or any other professional services advice.