How To Take A Dick Pic

How To Take An XXX Photo Of Yourself That She'll Actually Love

Dick pics have never been as popular as they are today. With relatively high-quality cameras in the pockets of almost everyone these days, it's possible for people with penises to take explicit nudes and share them with recipients anywhere in the world, instantly. Oh, the wonders of modern technology!

But not everyone is happy to be on the receiving end of a dick pic. Historically, dick pics haven't found favor with many women, a large portion of whom tend to find them hostile, annoying and sometimes downright disgusting. They traditionally function as little more than advertisements for the sender's size, and women online suffer from an almost constant influx of dick pics from strangers, usually turning up in their inboxes, DMs and text messages without consent. Adding insult to injury is the fact that these NSFW surprises are almost always of dismal quality: poorly lit, blurry photographs taken at unflattering angles and containing no eroticism or intrigue whatsoever.

Several years ago now, I noticed that the dick pic, as an art form, was in jeopardy: men seemed to desperately want to send these pictures, but had no idea how to take a dick pic, and hardly anyone wanted to be at the receiving end of their efforts. To help out where I could, I created the blog Critique My Dick Pic (which is, I would hope goes without saying, very much NSFW). Critique My Dick Pic functions pretty much exactly how it sounds: senders submit penis photos to me — hundreds and hundreds of them per month, in fact, penis pictures galore — and I give selected submissions a detailed, critical review on site, rounding off each one with a bold letter grade ("Thank you for submitting to Critique My Dick Pic. Your dick pic gets an A+")

It's in everyone's best interests, senders and receivers alike, that the quality of dick pics improves, that men learn how to take a good dick pick, and that a culture of consent (and not a culture of sexual harassment!) develops around them, so if you wish to dabble in this particular X-rated art, you'd do well to bear in mind the following tips:

When Not To Send A Dick Pic

Unfortunately, receiving a dick pic is very often a hostile, uncomfortable and deeply unsexy experience for women; a brief, digital interaction that makes her day worse than it was before and causes her to batten down her IG and Twitter privacy settings more tightly. And a significant reason dick pics are so poorly received is because so many of the male nudes that turn up in women's inboxes, DMs and text messages are unsolicited.

Receiving an unsolicited dick pic is a violation of a person's boundaries. Unsolicited dick pics also contain an implicit message that goes something like this: "I'm not interested in your arousal or participation in this sexual event, I just want you to look at my big cock, whether or not you feel like it." What could be less considerate or erotic than that?

All of this is to say that, if you want to create a positive dick pic experience for you and your recipient, you've got to establish consent first. You should only ever be sending your dick pic to people you are sure want to see it, and under no circumstances should you be adopting a scattershot distribution approach on dating sites or social media — this is likely to be perceived as a huge annoyance, and may end up getting you banned or reported as spam. Your dick might even become famous, for the worst possible reasons.

Establishing consent isn't as awkward as you might think: simply ask your partner if they would like to see a nude pic. Be aware, though, that very early in a relationship might not be the best time to propose sending a dick pic, and it is generally good policy to wait until after you are sexting or have had a nude volunteered to you first. It's also important to remember that, for some women, there's never a good time to send a dick pic: they don't float everyone's boat, and you should be respectful of a "not now, not ever" answer. Long story short: err on the side of withholding your dick pic until you're certain you've got a bright green light of consent to send it.

What You Should Send

Once there's no doubt in your mind that you have a willing recipient for your picture, it's time to compose and shoot your dick pic. Here's where things can potentially go downhill if you aren't careful: Sending a poorly composed dick pic is worse than not sending one at all, so you will need to ensure that your dick pic stands out for the right reasons.

Before you so much as open your smartphone's camera, make sure that you aren't panicking about the size of your member to the detriment of your photo. Most disappointing dick pics fail because of the sender's obsession with the size of their penis (whether large or small). One of the least attractive things you can do with your picture, for example, is include an object such as a lighter or bottle for scale, but it's a surprisingly common tactic fueled by insecurity. Most senders of dick pics treat them as advertisements for penis size rather than as erotic material, and that's the very point where most of them go wrong. You're going to need to work with what you've got without obsessing about how big it is — because, believe it or not, most girls don't search "monster cocks" on porn search engines, or care very much about huge dicks. Big dick photos are nice, sure, but what's important to her is that it's yours.

Good dick pics are thoughtful, creative and carefully composed, so whatever you do, don't take a log shot. "The Log" is what happens when you take a bird's-eye-view shot of your penis, with the camera facing straight down your body and your genitals taking up the whole frame. Log shots are the bottom of the barrel in terms of penis photography: They're boring, artless and unoriginal, and your dick pic will need to be more nuanced if you want it to impress anyone. Instead, try zooming out a bit and include some non-dick body parts, like your thighs, torso and arms. It's important to pay attention to the lighting, too: Gloomy laptop lighting doesn't tend to make for an inviting dick pic, so open up your curtains and make use of natural lighting if possible. Also, bear in mind that a surefire way to increase the eroticism of your dick pic is by including your hands. Hands are an attractive and underrated body part, and with careful positioning and a convincing grip, they can elevate your dick pic from ordinary to excellent.

Finally, you're going to need to think about the setting of your picture and choose somewhere inviting to shoot your dick pic. There's no need to go overboard with wild locations — a bedroom or bathroom will usually suffice, although some people make use of the outdoors — but it's important to make sure that the background is clean and free of clutter. Nobody wants to see a visible pile of dirty laundry or scattered collection of half-empty shower gels in your dick pic, so do a quick spruce-up of your surrounding, removing any distractions, before shooting.

With those tips in mind and a bit of practice, you should be taking excellent dick pics before too long. Once you've taken the plunge and sent your dick pic to a partner, try to be open about hearing feedback from them. This is the person you want to be aroused by your dick pic, so listen to their comments for ways to improve. Put as much effort as you can into your pictures, but have fun at the same time: Your recipient will be warmly grateful for a thoughtful picture, and if you're lucky, you might have a reciprocal effort to look forward to.

Sites To Find Someone To Sext With

If you don't have a recipient in mind yet and are looking for someone to sext, your best bet could be a dating site with an adult angle. That way, you're limiting your pool of potential dick pic recipients to people who are more likely to be open to receiving a nude — although you should always still ensure you have consent in each case, of course!

The following (adult-rated) sites are all really good options for finding someone to appreciate your finely honed dick pic:

Adult Friend Finder

AdultFriendFinder is a sex, dating and hookup site that bills itself as swinger friendly. This is a no-strings-attached type environment perfect for sharing nudes and making contact with people with low inhibitions. You can browse loads of different profiles and it's free to join. What are you waiting for!?

FriendFinder-X

FriendFinder-X: FriendFinder-X is another good option for finding sex positive and open minded singles or, in the site's own words, coupled-up people looking for "secret affairs". FriendFinder-X boasts millions of members and contains a handy live chat function, so it could be the perfect place to road test your new dick pic.

XMatch

XMatch: Last but not least, XMatch is a racy adult site that promises to link you with thousands of horny locals — the landing page is NSFW, so beware! Sign up is free: just enter some basic details about yourself and you'll be on your way to sharing nudes with local babes in no time.