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7/16/2013

Those still believing that Michael Jackson faked his death cannot have missed the fact that Katherine Jackson, and the three kids of Michael, have a wrongful death lawsuit against AEG Live. For the grand total of $40 BILLION.

Putting aside the fact that the lawsuit has done nothing but give the media a chance to drag up more shit than a sewage farm on its busiest day. The lawsuit has killed the hoax. It is proof that there is no:

Game

Hoax

Comeback

I mean you can take the fanciful idea that Michael Jackson is hiding with Elvis, reading the Seventh Day Adventist literature, planning a comeback while keeping various informants (read as bullshit artists) and clues all up-to-date, if you want. But if you do what does that say about the family?

Seriously, mention in to any hoaxer about the Jackson family being nothing more than money-hungry leeches sucking the very life out of the MJ legacy and a good majority of them will act like you just said God doesn't exist, Jesus was a historical David Blaine, and the only thing after this life is that is you are worm food or ashes.

But what about the hoaxers. What do they say? I really don't know anymore. To be honest it all got a bit crazy in old hoax land. Souza launched some religious website bullshit (you cannot tell me you didn't see that coming), and every song, movie, and news event since the dawn of time is some clue Michael Jackson left before he faked his death. Oh, and don't forget the fact that Michael Jackson chose TMZ as his way of telling all the true beLIEvers.

If you look at what the hoaxers are saying by still hanging on to the idea that Michael Jackson is still alive you can read the subtext, and that is not a pretty picture. If you believe that Michael Jackson faked his death the subtext is:

Katherine Jackson is a hypocrite - As a devout Jehovah Witness she is getting up and falsely testifying in a court of law. This is called perjury, and as a Jehovah Witness she can be disfellowshipped for doing so.

Paris Jackson attempted suicide - Michael Jackson, in the pursuit of the all-mighty dollar from the comeback of the century, allowed his daughter to become so depressed with everything and attempt to kill herself.

The family is in turmoil - With all the in-family disagreements, fighting, and arguments since June 25, 2009 Michael Jackson has supposedly just sat back allowing this to go on.

OK, maybe, and it is a big maybe, the family don't know and they think he is dead. But then that means that the hoaxers are painting one of the most evil pictures of Michael Jackson ever. It would mean that his mother, and kids, all grieved for him without knowing he is alive and well and living with Elvis and all that.

You can only have it one way though. Either the family do know and Michael Jackson is allowing his mother and children to commit perjury just so that they can make $40 Billion. Or they don't know and each and every hoaxer thinks Michael Jackson is some sicko that is allowing his mother and kids to grieve, and all the other difficulties, while he plans some comeback.

Either way it doesn't do much for the legacy of Michael Jackson.

There is a third possibility. He is dead. The hoax was a fanciful idea for a while but in the reality of life, and what the kids and family are going through, is so unlikely it is laughable.

4/10/2013

There has been some debate over the last few months. Some thought he was hiding, while others thought he had finally been arrested and executed. But in a revealing talk Homeless Dave explains himself.

Doggie: Well look who the cat dragged in. And where have you been the last few months?Dave: I went on a journey of self-discovery, to find myself.Doggie: And that journey obviously didn't include a shower.Dave: I'm living the bohemian lifestyle now.Doggie: No. You are just lazy. I doubt you even know what it means.Dave: Actually I do.Doggie: Keep telling yourself that. So, now you have found yourself what are you up to?Dave: Not much really. I'm just strapping myself in for the kamikaze ride that is going to be the unlawful death trial.Doggie: I knew it. So you have an opinion and you want to voice it is what you are saying?Dave: Pretty much.Doggie: OK then. What is your well-informed opinion?Dave: Firstly it is not well-informed. Secondly this has got to be the dumbest lawsuit the Jackson family could have ever started.Doggie: Well, supposedly, they want justice for Michael.Dave: Do they hell as like. They want money. They want $40 Billion from AEG Live because they may, or may not, have hired Conrad Murray. They just want their meal-ticket to keep feeding the leeches that hang around the Jackson compound. If it was about justice it would just be a case of getting AEG Live to admit they were wrong, and not all about money.Doggie: There is some logic to that. But surely the kids should get what their father was going to provide?Dave: How much do they need? They have money coming in from the estate. They are definitely not hurting - now or ever. None of them would have to work ever. And his Mom is set for life too. They have millions from the estate, living it large, and we are meant to believe that a $40 Billion lawsuit is purely for justice. It is a typical Jackson family move - everyone trying to squeeze one more ounce of blood out of Michael.Doggie: But the lawsuit is by Katherine and the kids. Surely you can't be calling them leeches?Dave: In a way yes.Doggie: Whoa there. Bit harsh.Dave: Well not them exactly. Everyone knows there are certain family members in the background pulling strings to get things like this happening. And those people are doing it because they are scared.Doggie: Scared of what?Dave: Scared they will have to get off their asses and get out there and actually make it based on their own name. Don't get me wrong it isn't all of them but there a few they wouldn't know what to do without money from Michael, and his legacy, filtering down to the lower leeches. And as for Katherine and the kids - they have enough. This lawsuit is just going to make things worse.Doggie: Worse in what way?Dave: Don't be so naive. The muck-rakers. Scum like TMZ, X17, and all the other low-life outlets that will drag up every little detail. These places are used to having to report on what shit Kim Kardashian is wearing. Give them a $40 Billion lawsuit and they will run with every little thing. They will drag so much shit up from the past that the only thing, win or lose, that is guaranteed to happen is that Michal Jackson's legacy will be further tarnished with so-called revelations from the lawsuit.Doggie: Well them kind of gossip outlets will always find the worse in a story.Dave: It isn't just about finding the worse in a story. They are consistently noted for making shit up just to get people to look at their stuff. They will put any headline up if they think it will equal a few hits to their website. How many times during this lawsuit do you think TMZ will quote Arnie Klein, Karen Faye, or some other fucker that has no life of their own and is basically living off the tailcoat of Michael? Mark my words by the end of this lawsuit Michael's reputation will be in ruins because of all the crap people are going to drag up from the past.Doggie: How do you see the result of the trial?Dave: Nobody will win.Doggie: I think you'll find someone has to win.Dave: On paper maybe. But look at the options. Say the Jacksons win and some judge orders AEG Live to pay out $40 Billion. All that will happen is that AEG Live will go bankrupt and sell their assets to their parent company who will start a new company called AEG2 or something. Look at what BP did after the oil spill, they moved cash around and declared parts of themselves bankrupt and instead f paying $60 Billion only ended up paying $6 Billion. There are people, and businesses, down there still effected by all that. These places employ hundreds of attorneys that know every little trick in the book. If there is a way out without paying they will find it. They'd rather spend a few million than a few billion.Doggie: But what if the Jacksons lose?Dave: They already have. Win or lose they have lost. Say this trial goes on for 9 months, at the end the media will have raised all the usual crap from the 2005 trial, they will have alleged news stories confirming Michael Jackson as drug-riddled junkie, and the kids will have been dragged into court for all of this shit. Like I said nothing good will come of this lawsuit. And let us not forget that Murray has already been convicted.Doggie: That is going to make a difference?Dave: Of course it is. Murray has been convicted, the contract was never signed so legally is void, so the whole 'smoking gun' emails that people sent are worthless in a court of law. Doesn't matter what they say. If Murray wasn't legally working for AEG Live then they are merely opinion. And as it goes right now AEG Live have it from evidence in the Murray trial, which the State raised, that the contract had not been signed by Michael. So the whole email thing is a moot point.Doggie: Scarily enough I see where you are coming from on that.Dave: The only reason that the Jackson family is going after AEG Live is because they know it is pointless to go after Murray. He's in jail, he has no money, and his chances of employment are slim. He'll more than likely end up flipping burgers at the local McDonalds. Nobody is going to want the doctor that killed Michael Jackson to look after them.Doggie: OK. But say the hoaxers are right. Say it is all some game.Dave: Listen to yourself. A game? Look, the hoaxers use the whole "4 years to get it right" speech as some sort of clue. Well, in a couple of months the 4 years will be done. Nobody is coming back to 'BAM'. It was a nice idea, but that is all it was, and all it ever will be. An idea. Things have moved on too far.Doggie: In what way?Dave: Well, as Katherine and the kids are listed as plaintiffs in the wrongful death lawsuit you have two choices. They don't know Michael is alive which means he did all this without telling them, and they think he is dead. Or his Mom and kids have committed perjury already, with the depositions, and if AEG Live pay even a penny it is fraud. You can't have it both ways. Everyone needs to move on and let the legacy of Michael be as it is and not allow this ridiculous lawsuit to tarnish it - which it will do, the gutter media will make sure of that.Doggie: OK. Well that about wraps it up.Dave: You don't want to know what I have been up to for the past few months?Doggie: To be honest - not really. I think most people have forgotten you even existed.Dave: Well then. Next time I have an opinion I'll make sure TMZ get the exclusive.Doggie: I won't hold my breath waiting to read that.

12/20/2012

The short answer is that the hoax killed the hoax. There you go saves a lot of time reading the rest of the post. Enjoy your Christmas and all that; thanks for stopping by.

If you want to hang around and read the long answer; then carry on reading.

Warning: This post contains strong language; but hey what did you really expect?

The idea that Michael Jackson may have faked his death, just like Elvis, sat with me for ages. But the dawn of realization made me reconsider this; and I decided that no matter what Michael Jackson had truly passed away.

But the hoax lived on with various mentally retarded people thinking they were Michael Jackson; and they made their way to various social networks. But these dipshits are just the bottom-feeders of the whole hoax community; the real turnip-munching, ass-chomping, fucktards are the ones that support these basement dwellers.

The people know who they are. They follow these wannabes as if it really was Michael Jackson tweeting away to them. And if you gives these fucked-up individuals any information which proves that these wannabe cocksuckers are not Michael Jackson they get all defensive and go into some #TeamDMovie or #TeamAMSI protective little ring to protect their 'supposed' idol.

Well, there is no nice way to put this, you are all fucking stupid assholes for thinking that someone who attacks Katherine Jackson openly in their tweets is Michael Jackson; the guy who adored and worshiped his mother. And you dumb fucks that support these basement dwellers are the ones that killed the hoax. You killed the legacy of your idol by believing that these fuck-ups of life are Michael himself.

So, when you follow the every word of these wannabes like they are some sort of savior remember the hoax is looking like a complete fucking joke so you people can get your kicks thinking that some high school dropout is Michael Jackson. So pat yourselves on your back and then wipe that slimy grin off your face because in all honesty you people make Conrad Murray look like a nice guy.

Some quick facts to piss you off just that little bit more. AMSI, or whatever shitty name they are using now, is not, will never be, and can never be Michael Jackson. You feed their ego, which they nurse because their mother rejected them at birth. You hang on their every word and treat it like some sort of gospel of Michael. You really think that Michael Jackson is tweeting to you. You need to just get over it. You need to look at all the evidence that various people have presented and realize that Michael Jackson is not, and never will be, on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, or Pinterest.

You need to stop allowing these dumbass wannabes to mind-fuck each and everyone of you. If you really need to hold on to the idea that Michael Jackson is alive and well so be it. But to dilute his legacy with the belief that some ex-felon on Twitter is Michael Jackson not only deludes yourself it slowly but surely leaves Michael Jackson's legacy looking like some murky pool of shit and piss.

Who killed the hoax? The people who fall for every fucking mind game going. If you think some asshole on Twitter, or some crazy Nazi preaching some regurgitated Seven Day Adventist bullshit can save you I truly pity you. But while you fall for everything you will receive an email from an African prince that needs your help - in advance he thanks you for your cash.

11/09/2012

In what seems like a really bad dream that never ends Homeless Dave managed to take time out from his shoplifting excursions to do an interview, one on one, with Joe Jackson; patriarch of the Jackson family. As normal Homeless Dave forgot to record the the event; so what follows is his transcription of the interview.

Dave: Well, let me start by saying I am totally sorry.Joe: Sorry for what?Dave: That Outkast did a song about Ms. Jackson and not Mr. Jackson.Joe: What the hell has that got to do with me?Dave: Nothing that I know of. I was just saying it could have been "I'm sorry Mr. Jackson. I am for real. Never meant to make your daughter cry."Joe: Hold up. Which daughter did you make cry?Dave: None. Well, not intentionally. Although I do think I accidentally banged into Janet with a shopping cart in Walmart once. She didn't say anything. I apologized. But as I walked off I noticed a tear, or maybe two, on her cheek.Joe: Janet was in Walmart?Dave: Yeah. Maybe. I think it was her.Joe: You think?Dave: No. You stink.Joe: What?Dave: Just because I am homeless doesn't mean you can say I stink. Homeless people have feelings too you know.Joe: I said you think.Dave: Thank you. I like to ponder sometimes. You ever sit alone, in a cardboard box, just wondering who, or what, killed the dinosaurs?Joe: Dinosaurs? Wasn't that an asteroid or something. Yeah; it was on the History Channel. Some asteroid hit the earth, threw up a whole mess of debris which obscured the sun, this caused an ice age, and the dinosaurs died.Dave: But was it really like that?Joe: How the hell should I know?Dave: What if that is just what the media want you to believe?Joe: (Chuckling) You think there was CNN back then?Dave: Obviously not. Or the History Channel would have just shown you archive footage. The present day media are the ones lying about it.Joe: (Still chuckling) OK. So what did happen?Dave: Well, I saw this program that some scientist brought the dinosaurs back to life. It was on an island. But the dinosaurs got a bit out of hand. So they had to kill the dinosaurs.Joe: (Laughing) Aw man. You are killing me. That was no program that was a movie. It was Jurassic Park. They even made a sequel.Dave: That is the conspiracy. They want you to think it is just a movie; where in reality it was using actual footage.Joe: You are one crazy dude.Dave: Talking of crazy. What is this about Jermaine changing his name to Jacksun?Joe: He's a damn fool. I blame his mother. She was too soft on those kids. You do something wrong you get beat for it.Dave: Rumor has it that you never knew when to stop beating though.Joe: What? Who said that? Anyway, Jermaine thinks the sun shines out his goddamn ass; and unfortunately his momma never let me beat that idea out of him. That is why he is like he is. Would have been different if his momma hadn't protected him so much from reality.Dave: Really? In what way?Joe: Well look at him poncing all over the place like he achieved something. He aint achieved shit. He's living off his brother. Hell, he writes a book and even that is about his brother. You know why Jermaine never wrote a book about himself?Dave: Why?Joe: Nobody would buy it. Nobody would read it. And then to protect Jermaine from the truth his momma would go out and waste good money buying up all the copies; so that he thinks he did something good.Dave: Jermaine did date Whitney Houston for a while. That has to be considered good?Joe: Ok. Let me set the story straight. Jermaine never dated no Whitney Houston. That was just his momma interfering again. See, what happened was Katherine took Jermaine to see Michael pick up some award. Well, all the way there Jermaine was whining how everyone liked Michael. Anyway at the award ceremony Jermaine was still whining so Katherine took Michael off to one side and asked if he could hook Jermaine up with Whitney. Michael just looked at Jermaine and laughed. But, as always, he did what his momma wanted.Dave: So, Michael actually got Whitney to date Jermaine?Joe: Hold your horses. I'm getting to that bit. When Michael asked Whitney she said not as long as there was air in her lungs. Michael talked to her and said just get your photo taken with him a couple of times; and if anyone asks about you dating you don't have to lie but you don't have to deny it either.Dave: So they never were dating.Joe: That is what I just told you. Boy were you even listening?Dave: Yes sir. It was more of a statement of realization.Joe: You'll realize my belt can still whoop ass if you don't listen when I talk.Dave: OK. OK. Calm down.Joe: You just show me the respect I deserve.Dave: So, Mr. Jackson how is your theme park coming along?Joe: Same as everything I touch, and put Michael's name to, it is coming along nicely.Dave: You going to be selling cotton candy?Joe: Sure; most likely.Dave: What about candy apples?Joe: No doubt. There is no theme park in the world without candy apples.Dave: You going to have those side stalls where you pick a ticket. And if it ends in five or zero you win a prize?Joe: I don't know about that one.Dave: Because I know this guy who used to do that for a living. And he'd pick out the ones that ended in five or zero. Then when all the tickets were done he'd only put half of them back in and keep some of the winners back. Just sounds like the sort of thing you'd do Joe.Joe: If you, young man, are passing doubt on my character that is no good. Hey did he make a good bit of the ole greenbacks doing that?Dave: He sure did.Joe: I'm liking what I'm hearing.Dave: You going to be making it a family business because I can't say I have ever imagined any of the Jackson family as a bunch of carnies ripping people off for a few bucks; well other than Jermaine and maybe Marlon when he scams people with them house sales. I have seen when they flip houses and get some sucker to buy an old house with a lick of paint.Joe: Marlon sells houses for a living?Dave: He used to.Joe: Hot damn. He told me those were his houses and he was offering me a good deal. I must have got 6 off him.Dave: You saying Marlon managed to put a few over the 'mighty' Joe Jackson aka The King Of Scams?Joe: Yes and no. He did. But I always used Katherine's money to buy them. I had some people from the IRS looking at my financial affairs.Dave: So Katherine owns a ton of houses then?Joe: She did. I sold them on once the IRS found some other fool to keep harassing. I just put the paperwork in front of her and said "Jehovah wants your autograph honey."Dave: What religion are you Joe?Joe: Don't be asking me to take sides. I am a man of all religions. You want some Muslim artifacts I got you. You want the original crucifix because you a Christian I got your back. You want something Jewish I got you. Hell, right now I got a trunk full of Buddhas I'm trying to unload.Dave: Not for me thanks. I'm strictly Catholic. But if I hear of anyone wanting some Buddhas I'll give them your number.Joe: Don't forget the catchphrase.Dave: There's a catchphrase. What is it?Joe: Dial 1-800-JOEJ. If Joe can't get it you don't need it.Dave: Wasn't a similar line used in the movie Dusk To Dawn?Joe: What are you a copyright lawyer?Dave: No.Joe: Well then. Shut the hell up.Dave: Talking of lawyers. Can't say I've seen you going to court for a while. Has the great Joe Jackson finally given up?Joe: I gave up on that joker Oxman. Damn fool couldn't get money if they were giving it away. Why the hell I ever let him represent me I'll never know.Dave: Had nothing to do with he was working for free; expecting a big pay off?Joe: (Laughing) Yep, now you mention it, that is why. You know you have a bad lawyer when he's willing to work for free; well almost free.Dave: So you've split ways with Brian Oxman?Joe: Not split ways really. Just I don't take his calls no more since he started asking for money.Dave: I see.Joe: Well, I got some suckers to sell some things to. So I'm out of here. Don't forget if someone wants those Buddhas.Dave: Yeah yeah I'll let you know.Joe: (Throwing a dollar bill) Here, get yourself a cup of Joe.Dave: I don't drink coffee. But thanks.Joe: Give me my damn dollar back then.Dave: See ya!

Legal Notice: This is Homeless Dave's account of what happened. There is no evidence that a fictional person had a fictional interview with Joe Jackson. Any lawyer wishing to make a legal argument based on the preceding interview really needs to decide if they want to work in law.

8/16/2012

You woke up this morning and decided you want to be Michael Jackson. Well, good news for you my friend - it truly doesn't matter if you are black or white. Thanks to the Internet anyone can be Michael Jackson. Lets be honest it doesn't matter if you are black, white, male, female, or an alien from another planet; it is the Internet.

But before everyone jumps up and down shouting "I'm going to be Michael Jackson" there are a few things you'll need. Some of them are required and some of them are optional. It all depends on how far you want to take it.

An Internet connection. Doesn't matter if it is yours, your neighbors, or McDonalds. Hell it doesn't even matter if you are still using dial-up. Without an Internet connection you'll actually have to turn up in person; and you will be spotted as a fake instantly. Unless you have a great excuse as to why Michael Jackson is now 350 lbs, female, and living in a basement.

An email account. Be sure to pick an address that will work for your plan; and just screams Michael Jackson. Such as IAmMichaelJoe@gmail.com or NoReallyIAmMJ@yahoo.com. The possibilities are almost limitless. Remember be as creative as possible here; after all you are Michael Jackson. If all the addresses you can think of have gone, don't give up, just add three 7s at the end: IAmMichaelJacksonNoReallyIAm777@gmail.com or TheSingleGlovedOne777@hotmail.com. Important Note: Always use this email. Never accidentally use your own personal email address; because Michael Jackson just would not email from Basement.Dweller@att.com. He Just wouldn't.

A Twitter, Facebook, TinyChat, and Skype account. Don't worry about MySpace; there are 5 people still using it which is not a big enough audience for 'Michael Jackson'.

A Purpose. You don't want to waste your time just being Michael Jackson; and just tweeting about nothing. Remember you are Michael Jackson. You have to have a purpose. But don't get all sad, and depressed, you don't have to think too hard. You could be spreading love, the truth, giving clues, or just doing psychic readings for your fans that are willing to divulge more information than they should.

A jeweled glove, fedora hat, and white socks. These are totally optional as you'll never be seen; but they will help you stay in character. Now, if you want to go with a 'Bad era' Michael Jackson look that is totally up to you; but if your Michael Jackson is popular you could spend hours each day sat in tight-fitting leather trousers. The choice is yours.

A basic knowledge of Michael Jackson. Don't worry if you know nothing about him; Google is your friend at this point. And if you want to say something as Michael Jackson, that is wrong, mention the version in the media and news is lies. Just be careful what you choose to lie about. Tweeting "I really wish Jermaine had done the vocals on Earth Song." will instantly have you rejected as yet another fake Michael Jackson.

So armed with your new identity you are ready to reveal Michael Jackson to the world. You are ready to join the other Michael Jacksons; and rise to the top. You are ready to be the best fake Michael Jackson you can be. Soon hundreds, if not thousands, will be following your every word. Well done Mr. Jackson!

But oh no. Hundreds of other fake Michael Jacksons are already there. They have the backing of 'investigative journalists' like Pearl Jr. You feel queasy. You don't have it in you to compete. You got your Mom's basement set up just the way you like it. Tears run down your cheeks because it was all for nothing.

Fear not. The world may not be ready for another Michael Jackson you don't have to give up on your dreams.

Dry those tears. Shake off the disappointment. Because today your dreams change. You are going to be an informer.

That is it. Smile. Be happy. So you didn't make it as Michael Jackson. Not to worry. You are now one of Michael Jackson's closest friends; ready to reveal information on behalf of Michael Jackson. Fame is at your fingertips.

Now I already know what you are thinking. You are thinking "But Doggie I couldn't make it as Michael how can I make it as an informer?' Fret not. Look at other informers. They know nothing. They lead people on a path through some mindless drivel and never give a clear answer. And if you say something which is later proven wrong you can use the old chestnut excuse of "Plans were changed at the last minute." They will fall for that time and time again.

So, hang up your bedazzled glove. Put the fedora hat back in the closet. You are now a Michael Jackson informer.

First thing first. Forget about typing normally that is for normal people. You must be cryptic so that if anything goes wrong you can blame others for misinterpreting it. It is never your fault.

Be aware that certain informers in the past have done things that you should try and avoid copying:

JokeCalmsChina - AnagramsTS - Numerology

Both have been done and been debunked. The anagrams were flawed in their answers. The numerology was flawed in that constant variables were changed so that calculations could equal something it otherwise would not.

As a fake informer you need to be original. You need to stand out from the crowd of the other fake informers. Spending a bit of time here will reap the benefits later.

You are ready. Join a forum, start giving your own version of information, wait for the people to follow your every word. You put the work in - now bask in the glory.

Legal Notice: Pretending to Michael Jackson, or an informer, is not illegal as long as it is not done to make money or mislead people in a harmful way. It is, however, very sad and shows signs of deeper psychological problems; but it is not illegal as long as you don't cash in or harm people. This guide is merely an introduction into the stupidity of pretending to be Michael Jackson; or an informer. If you really feel the need to go this route it might be an ideal time to evaluate your life; see what is lacking so badly that you have to fill the space with being a fake Michael Jackson; or informer.

Legal Notice 2: For all the retarded assholes from MJDHI that are going to bitch, whine, and snivel that the calculations of TS have not been debunked; which is why the $999 was never paid - READ, INVESTIGATE, & ASK. Any mathematician, or scientist, will tell you that for a numerical formula (especially those involving dates) to hold up to scrutiny, and prove itself to be correct, it must remain constant. Using 2-digit and 4-digit years for calculations is not constant. Lets look at the date of death; June 25, 2009:

Four different answers from one date; merely using addition. Therefore the numerology is debunked because certain calculations of TS use 2-digit years; and others 4-digit years. Instead of paying me the $999 donate it to the ASPCA.

Legal Notice 3: The 'guide' to being Michael Jackson, or an informer, does not merely poke fun at the various basement dwellers that do this. It also pokes fun at those that are deluded they will grasp at anything. But then there are also those that seem to be doing it purely for financial gain - these can be spotted by their constant advertising and plagiarism of others work.