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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i... (More)

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here.
I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. I like to hang out with my teenager when he'll have me. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, watching movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration.
In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204; President, Connect2 Marriage Counseling, Inc.) (Hide)

Miscarriage, Grievin​g and Advice

Uploaded: May 13, 2014

Hello,
I read a beautiful piece you wrote sharing your experience with pregnancy loss. I too have one lovely son, but suffered four miscarriages within the last year and a half. I'm in therapy but suspect I need something more specific to the experience. I can't find anything in my area. Do you have any specific online groups or listings for in person groups you can recommend? Maybe I'll find something that way.

Best
Amy

Hi Amy,
Thank you for writing to me. I am so sorry to hear of the many losses you have suffered in the last 18 months. My heart goes out to you. So much hope, broken dreams, loss of the future . . .

Ask your therapist or OB-GYN if they know of any local, in-person groups. Two online support groups I know well are Open to Hope and The Compassionate Friends. The latter has local chapters in many areas. Also, you may want to read my book, No U-Turn at Mercy Street: A Memoir and Resource Guide for Grieving Parents.

Other online support is available through these organizations (I don't personally have any experience with them):
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/support/
http://miscarriagesupport.com/
http://www.angelfire.com/emo/miscarriage/
http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6260505/miscarriage_support
http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancyloss/mcsupportingothers.html

Please know that whatever you are feeling and experiencing is normal for grieving miscarriage.

To help educate those around you about grief, and have a list of things to say and not to say, check out The Language of Grieving (it's free, pass it along).

I wish you and your family all my best through this most difficult journey you never wanted to be on.

Posted by kind words,
a resident of Atherton: West Atherton,
on May 13, 2014 at 1:17 pm

I suffered two miscarriages and I have two healthy children. I'm at peace with it - but I always wanted more children. When I say this, people quickly counter with the perky, "well, look at the two you have!" And I do, and I'm thankful.

But a compassionate friend said to me, "It's hard if you feel like your family isn't complete." BINGO! If you know someone who suffers a miscarriage but already has children, you might consider saying something along those lines. For me it is so, so, so true. My kids are nearly grown, but sometimes that feeling still floods my heart: we should be a family of 6, not 4.

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