The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell. "I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of the American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?" The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throathed shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face". According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival. "I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said (hijacker Abdul) Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake.." "Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fanged-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for the most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards...Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."