Monday, 15 May 2017

4 Things I've Learned About Relationships In 4 Years.

Four whole years.

May 17th, 2017 marks Adam and I's fourth anniversary as a couple. Four whole years. Honestly, it's like the time has passed in the blink of an eye. Although not the longest amount of time in the grand scheme of things, 2013 truly feels like a lifetime ago. We've went from being two giddy lovebirds who were each a little bit lost in life, to now two grown-up giddy lovebirds living together for almost two years, all whilst semi-succeeding at this whole 'adulting' thing. Go us!

When Adam and I's anniversary comes around, I just can't help but to get seriously nostalgic and reflective, thinking back on everything we have experienced together and all of the fun we've packed into the last couple of years. We've travelled to some of our favourite countries and cities, we've moved into our own place together, we've watched a bunch of our favourite bands perform live, and we've binged watched a lot of TV shows; all to name but a few.

Most importantly of all, we have allowed our relationship to grow and flourish as we have grown and flourished as individuals throughout the years. As a result, I've learned a plethora of valuable lessons - about relationships, life and myself - that I can take forward for (hopefully) many more years to come. And so, I thought I'd share a few of them.

Time without phones is so important.

First world problems, am I right? But hear me out - time without phones is so important, especially in today's society where basically our whole lives are contained within our phones. Whilst I love to have a good ol' scroll through my Instagram feed every now and again, as a couple it's absolutely necessary to regularly switch off from the online world and solely focus on each other. Whether it be for a date night, a day out, or an evening spent together melting into the sofa. Give your significant other your full attention by simply getting off your dang phone for a few hours, instead of only half-listening whilst mindlessly scrolling through social media. We're all guilty of it, myself included. (Sorry, Adam).

It helps when your lifestyles mesh.

Personally, I've found that one of the key factors that contributes to building a strong relationship is having a similar outlook on life and establishing early on whether or not you're on the same page. Lord knows I'm thankful every single day that Adam is happy to hop across countries with me to see our favourite bands perform and that he'd usually rather have a night-in with pizza and Netflix over a boozey night-out. Not only that, but it's so important to figure out whether you both want similar things in the long-term. Your own home? Marriage? Kids? A house full of dogs? (Hell YES!) The last thing you want is to find yourselves years down the line wanting completely different things in life.

Everyone has their flaws.

Unsurprisingly, relationships aren't always plain-sailing. I hate to break it to you, but everyone has their flaws and that's just something you have to work with in a relationship, as difficult as it can be. Even that Insta-perfect #couplesgoals couple who fill your Instagram feed with their lovey-dovey selfies - even they have to deal with each other's flaws. The reality is, you don't have to like every single thing about the person you're with. Heck, is such a thing even possible? It's more about seeing past those flaws and not allowing them to become the defining traits about that person. Sure, sometimes it'll cause you to bicker, sometimes you'll even argue, because it's easy to fall into a bad mood and take it out on the other person - but as long as you can talk it out, apologise and move forward, it doesn't have to be deal breaker.

Real love requires real vulnerability.

One of the most terrifying things about falling in love with someone is the vulnerability that comes with it. Even four years later, it's something I still occasionally find myself struggling with. It's difficult to immerse yourself in love with someone without first accepting that they might hurt you some day. It's a profound kind of vulnerability because nobody wants to open themselves up to the possibility of being deeply hurt by someone they love. But unless you want to live with invisible barriers between you, you have to make the choice to love anyway. Regardless of the outcome, it is worth it.