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I am angry to hear this news, and so sorry that you have to go through all of this. We're all thinking of you.

Henry

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"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Cap, I have the utmost respect for you. While I pray for solutions, I do know the dire situation you are in. I do hope, once again, you get to go home soon to Norm, the dogs, and the things you cherish most.

FUCK,FUCK,FUCK..why do bad things happen to good guys while the arseholes of this world , and believe me I can think of a couple right now, get to walk around as if they were God and owned the Fucking world.

Love you and thinking of you, but can't trust myself to call right now, hugs to you and Norm.

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Thanks for your outpouring of support everyone. It definitely does help to sustain me at this time. When the bad shit happens we frquently don't know what to say, and sometimes don't say anything fearing that our words will be ineffective in consoling out loved ones. Let me assure you, even when someone says "I am at a loss for words" That is enough. The feelings behind them come through. Never be afraid that your words are inadequate, they are not.

THe oncologists came by today and offered a partial ray of hope in the form of chemoembolization. They inject radioactive pellet things into the main artery that feeds the tumor, thus killing the tumor. It won't cure the cancer, but it will kill the tumor, thus buying some extra time. How much time is anbodies guess. They will also be biopsying the largest nodule in my lungs to get a better handle on that. They feel that there is a chance it could be a fungal infection

Take good care Carl,,who would off thought that we,maybe I should say I,is wishing a fungal infection on you,mad ain,t it ? Hope you get a break to go with Norm to see the dogs in the mountains soon.lovemhtv

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"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ." Tony Benn

Did you show ol' Enid the pictar of my enormous horsey-cock I sent you for Christmans last year?

On a more serious note. The docs left a few minutes ago. They had the results of the biopsy. It is the liver cancer after all. It's too big to remove by surgery. Oncologist to be arriving later today to discuss "options" whatever they might be.

Carl

Sorry to hear this carl, you had a liver transplant, right? Is this common? I'm really unfamiliar with your history.

Carl SHIT I hope that bob & my visit @ the Hosp. helped bring you some comfort the other day, I'm @ a loss for words, as I read this thread , stay strong my man, tell norm to call us, and you don't EVER give up ok, do that for me please, Bob & I love you very much....I'm @ a loss for words right now....I can hardley type any of thissss.../

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Hello Everyone. Sorry I couldn't update any earlier, but things went to hell pretty quickly today. I felt pretty decent when I got up actually, but around noon or so, it was all over but the crying. Chest pains, and a fever that went up to 104.0F conspired to really fuck my shit up. It was successful too. Let me start at the beginning, so I don't jump around too much.

Yesterday, I was supposed to have had a procedure to kill the tumor in my liver. They unhooked the blood thinner at 6:00 am in prep for this. There was also a no food or water fast for 12 hours before my my appt. time at noon. I had puked up lunch, and didn't even try dinner, so that I went considerably longer without food than water. They also had to infuse me with three bags of frozen plasma so that my blood would be thick enough to do the procedure safely.

I wound up waiting until 5:00 pm for my procedure... No fucking food for 32 hours, no water for close to 20 hours. When Norm questioned the stu pid fucking cow masquerading as a nurse, she told him that my INR was 7.5, and left the room. So Norm tried to get it out of her what the fuck thta was supposed to mean, but she ignored him. So went to the head of nursing and complained quite vocally. I woke uo about this time and saw that it was 4:15 in the afternoon. I melted down. It's a good thing that I cant breathe deeply or they would have have heard me clear up to Santa Fe. I called my ID doc on her personal phone and explained the situation in no uncertain terms what was going on. I told her that I would rip out my IVs and leave if I wasn't being worked on by 5:30. And I meant it. Norm kinda freaked and got the head nurse and brought her to my room. And I told her the same thing. Plus I gave her the backstory about my previous dealings with IR, which I will explain.

The first time I got diagnosed with cancer, the kind folks at IR would make appointments for my treatment, and then not treat me. I would be there for several hours past my sheduled appointment time, with IV tubes hooked up, and they would come in remove everything, and send me home. Never an explanation, never an apology. Ever once. This resulted in my going NINE FUCKING MONTHS WITHOUT TREATMENT!!! And whe they finally did, they did alcohol ablation, wherein they injected ethanol alcohol into my tumor. The pain was stunning, and Norm could hear me in the waiting room. The doc stopped after only 5 mg ( I was supposed to get 30 mg) and basically called me a wimp for not tolerating the pain. He had Norm come in and help me get dressed and sent us home. Before walking out of the room , he looked down at me then at Norm and told him that I wasn't going to make it, and to get ready for it. Then walked out.

So when I realized t how long i was waiting yesterday, I freaked because of seeing this as a continuation of an earlier pattern. The head nurse was quite angry about all of it, and dressed my nurse down pretty good, plus wanting to know why I hadn't been put on an IV drip of hydrating fluids. The cow bleated and mooed in protest, but it fell on deaf ears. Head Nurse then went to the phone and started making calls. The chief oncologist came, I told him the story. He got me down there within 10 minutes, telling me to share the entire story with the IR staff, which I did. They were very good to me there, and took the time to explain that the INR level had to be at least a 2.0 to perform the procedure safely. I was back in my room by 6:45.

The oncologist who has been in charge of my treatment came to see me this morning. She asked me when the plasma transfusion was started and finished. I told her that it was started at about 10:45 am and finished around 1:15. She got a look of pure rage, because she had left orders for it to be started at 7:00 am, so that the levels were high enough when my appointment time came round. I also told her that the bags would run out, and not be changed for up to 40 minutes apart. Everything I went through yesterday, HAPPENED BECAUSE THAT STUPID FUCKING TWAT OF A NURSE COULDN'T BE BOTHERED TO FOLLOW DOCTORS ORDERS

I believe that she has been terminated over the incident.

That's how my day went yesterday, todays 104 fevers were a walk through the tulips by comparison.

I fucking HATE UNMH, they were like this w/ bob during his heart-attack & triple by-pass-surgery back in 2002 and again in 2005, I see that fucking place hasn't changed much at all, Carl, I still have no words, forgive me, it's hard for me right now, I do understand your hospital delmila tho, bob & I send you out the very best, call me, if you need too, you know where to reach us if you need ANYTHING.......ok

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"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

This is absolutely awful. There's nothing quite as frustrating as not having all the information about your own healthcare and being unable to interject when necessary to speed things along. I'm so sorry all this is happening to you on top of everything else.