Dear...
I feel so distant. ever since my gf and i had a big argument around my anniversary and she wanted to break up with me and take a break, i dont feel myself anymore.
my job performance suffered, i am no longer interested in many things i used to like, taken up habits that i shouldnt have.
I just dont know what to do and where to turn. Friends or family cant really help me, as they will just tell me things i want to hear.
I've been trying to work things out with her, even try to become a better person so that i can show her that i am better and improved.
i feel like this whole issue started because of me. and my friends say other wise. but it is me because me being bipolar, gave her mixed signals and this fight started. her bday is a few days away and ive tried my best to go all out for her. i want her to come back to me, because i need her. i'm not throwing 5 years ive invested in this relationship for nothing.

dear xxxxxxx,
you're so rude to people and you are a slut.
everyone thinks you're an attention seeking whore.
you think everyone is in love with you, but its actually the
opposite, everyone hates you. you talk shit behind peoples
back and that makes you a two faced bitch. no one likes you,
and stop acting like you're better than everyone you whore. also,
you have a little face on your make up.

Yes, I used your old handle to prove to you just how much I learned about you via other people over the span of years we were together. After 8 years we finally split and went our separate ways, except this time it's easier because I have absolutely no possible way of running into you.

I was happy when you finally said you didn't want to be together anymore. It wasn't that I was waiting for you to do it, it was more along the lines that I was wondering when you were going to finally do the thing you had been sitting on doing for so long. At first you blamed be because I refused to commit career suicide for you. But how could you expect me to do so when you pretty much continued to believe that I should get any old job in the area you work regardless of whether or not I enjoy it? You even pretty much told me that complaining about the job was off the table because I was putting too much weight on the job. Sorry--no one likes to go from a well-paying salary job to a part-time food service job. I think it'd only be natural to complain about the life changes. I think the worse part was you were hypocritical about the entire thing, since you did the very same thing you told me I couldn't do.

Minus the fact I only had a short amount of time left with my job, you wanted me to quit my legally binding contract and skip back home. My first job out of college. My first career job. Burning that bridge. I wish you would have just admitted that you were grabbing at straws in attempt to find a reason to leave me--it would have been far more understanding. I begged you to take me back, but the funny part was I was secretly hoping you would say no. I was sad for a while, and in a way I still am. I still feel like we were good friends and I'm sad I lost that friendship. I hope we can have it back one day, but that is impossible.

But romantically? You can be sweet and you can be cruel. Ever since the morning you gave me the silent treatment because you were pissed off because I refused to have sex with another man while you watched me I had been contemplating the break up. Honestly, most of the time I felt embarrassed for staying in the relationship past that point. I was foolish. But you were supportive--but only pretty much financially. When it came time to support me emotionally you refused to cross any lines you didn't agree with. Like when my friend killed herself you pretty much told me, "I didn't like her. She was a moron." and I had to deal with the suicide on my own. I had no one to talk to about it.

Thanks for showing me how to love, and who not to love. Thanks for showing me that I have to stick up for myself and not settle for less. Thanks for showing me what real friends are--because as a friend you were always there. But thank you for showing me what I don't need in a lover or a spouse.