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Rock, Paper, Scissors Sports Channel Coverage

In an age in which legitimate sports like track and field , amateur wrestling , lacrosse, rowing — in fact most Olympic sports — struggle to get any television coverage whatsoever, I have just seen the ultimate sports television travesty .

Yes, I just witnessed the USAPRS League Championships on ESPN2.

What is the USARPS, you might ask? Well, it’s the United States Rock, Paper, Scissors League.

That’s right. Full sports television coverage of a rock, paper, scissors tournament. Tongue-in-cheek? Perhaps, but not to ESPN, who have given it a national audience and more airtime than many legitimate sports.

The League is sponsored by Bud Light, has a grand prize of $50,000 for the championship and features competitors like “Shears” Maanum, who competes while wearing a hooded, silk boxers’ warmup top.They compete inside a small ring and the commentary features terms like “cradling the pump” and “speed pumping.”

Don’t believe me? Check out the USRPS League website. The World Rock, Paper Scissors Society is also a must see, and includes information on Gambit Play, such as “The Avalanche,” in which the player employs three “Rocks” in a row. According to the website, this gambit” is a relentless and devastating offensive maneuver, which requires bravado bordering on recklessness to execute.”

Indeed.

And if you really want to see some hard-hitting athletic action, check out this video at YouTube.

Tongue-in-cheek? Perhaps. But not to ESPN, who have given it a national audience, and more television coverage than many legitimate sports, involving real athletes.

Hmmm…sports channel coverage of spelling bees, poker, and now rock, paper scissors. What’s next— Full college scholarships for Rock, Paper Scissors? NBC coverage of the Channel Changer Time Trials?