SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Since D was final. I thought I was ok with it, certainly better than last year, but right now it's kind of hitting me. I don't miss him but it still hurts on some level.

BF is spending the weekend with me, he went home to do some stuff but will be back in a bit. We talked about it this morning and I was good.

The after affects of all of this seem to lessen but I hate how long it takes...

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44

DDay:2011
Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4974 | Registered: Mar 2011

time2grow♂ 35983Member # 35983

Posted: 4:48 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013

I think it takes longer than most realize. My D was final 2 1/2 years ago and Iím finding things that I want to work on before I get serious about a relationship. I thought I was ready to move on a couple of years ago but discovered quickly how wrong I was. As I become more comfortable and content with myself, I find my mind drifting to the things I look forward to having. Youíre not alone, on some level I believe the pain will always be there but in time and working on myself I find it does dissipate.

Posts: 1749 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Missouri

gma56♀ 19595Member # 19595

Posted: 5:13 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013

I passed the 5 yr mark and still working on my issues that were blown up because of the infidelity.

I agree with you, the after shocks takes a long time to lessen but I'm finding the damage with my own issues are just as difficult and takes a long time to work through. No fast path out of this, is there ?

I don't miss him but it still hurts on some level.

For me most of the hurt was from the broken dreams/plans and rejection.
Hugs and you are still working through the shitty path we were put on.

Hugs
Gma

BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20408 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Closer to where I want to be..

Sad in AZ♀ 24239Member # 24239

Posted: 6:33 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013

No one gets married with the idea that they'll get divorced some day. I didn't want to divorce because it felt like failure; I came to realize that the failure would have been staying married to a cheater.

May your 2015 be more FUCK YEAH! than fuck this

Posts: 21895 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY

Kajem♀ 36134Member # 36134

Posted: 7:52 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013

It took me almost 5 years before I let go of the dreams we had as a married couple. Then a couple more years of no plans. Now I am planning.

It is 10 years since he was told to leave. 9 1/2 since the divorce.

It takes as long as it takes you to process the changes. Take your time... we will be here.

Hugs,

K

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6475 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida

MovingUpward♂ 14866Member # 14866

Posted: 8:58 PM, April 27th (Saturday), 2013

(((persevere)))

Not much more that you can do than you already are. Just continue to communicate the fears and feelings to your SO

AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; theyíll scratch you up time and time again but in the end youíre polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless