September 04, 2014

My baby's first day of Pre-K2! She was so excited this morning. Especially about her butterfly nametag (which tragically broke as we were getting in the car) and her new pink water bottle tucked inside her backpack. On the short drive to school, we talked about seeing her teacher, Mrs. Carmela, and about coloring with crayons in her classroom. There were no tears, although another little boy was crying which definitely caught her attention. I am using great restraint to not drive back and hover outside the window of her classroom. You know...that mom.

As wonderful as those Southern California dreamlike days may be, I am a girl in need of seasons. I crave the change in the air like a mug of hot chocolate on a freezing winter morning or a cold ice cream cone melting in the heat of a summer afternoon. My heart skips a beat when the leaves change colors and that first crisp breeze rustles the trees.

Labor Day is all about endings and beginnings, but that seemed especially true this year as we said goodbye to a summer that brought us a new babe and welcomed a new school year... (what?!?) I can't believe my baby is old enough for school...well, pre- pre- pre-k for two-year-olds. Its bittersweet, to be sure. Its hard to let go, but I'm so excited for her and the new adventures ahead of her.

August 26, 2014

welcomed a new member of our familymissed Rob as he was on the road more than he was homewent on a 10 hour road trip with a newborn and a toddlerexplored and fell in love with Nashvillecelebrated making it a month without getting mastitis (I had it six times over the course of a year while nursing Lyla)met with a lactation consultant after getting mastitis. womp womp. slept very littletook long drivesenjoyed and thanked the Lord for the unseasonably cool August weather

Life lately is a whole lot of nursing and toddler chasing and a bit of a blur. The air is shifting and as the rolls on my littlest babe continue to multiply, so too do the leaves on the ground. I'm trying my hardest to enjoy this season in our lives, but I admittedly dream of brisk walks, hot chocolate, jackets... and sleep. Please, more sleep.

August 08, 2014

Today, for the first time, I feel like I have my feet under me where they belong. I expected this first month to be hard, but I was still surprised when I felt like I was walking through quick sand. Rob has been traveling more than expected this month...like weeks at a time and balancing two littles proved to be harder than I prepared for mentally. Guilt and feelings of inadequacy began to eat away at me. I am exhausted. I need sleep...and yet, I chose this and women and men everywhere have gone through this and more each and every day...and I have never been more thankful than I am to be the mama to these two beautiful girls.

I went out shopping for the first time a few days ago and just when I felt like locking myself in a dressing room to cry, I saw a woman with a double stroller and two toddlers and an infant strapped to her chest. If she can do it. I can do it. And today, finally, I feel at least somewhat capable.

Side note: Poppy and I have finally found our nursing groove... which is no small victory. I'm celebrating over here with a big ol' scoop of ice cream and knocking on wood.

August 03, 2014

It has been less than two weeks since we welcomed Poppy Odette Davis into our little family. It seems like almost everything was different this second time around. I was scheduled to be induced on Monday, but the Friday before, we found out baby girl was sideways so I had to be prepared for a possible - and likely - c-section if she didn't turn before then. I devoured the spinning babies website and spent a lot of time weightless in the pool willing with all my might for baby girl to turn.

Sunday after dinner, my parents took Lyla home with them with plans to meet us and baby sister the next afternoon in the hospital. Rob and I finished cleaning around our house and took a few last pictures of my swollen belly before crawling in bed and watching a movie. It was a little after 10 pm when I finally decided to start timing my contractions. They were consistently four minutes apart, but not very painful. Since baby girl was sideways, it made things more complicated and I knew that if I was in labor there was no hope of the doctors being able to perform a version at the hospital, so we called the doctor to see what we should do. She wanted us to come on in. I had gone in to labor on my own hours before I was scheduled to be induced.

A little before midnight, we loaded the car with our bags and headed in. They admitted us around 12:30 am and called in the sonographer to see if baby girl was still sideways. We were so relieved - and in a little bit of disbelief - to find out she had turned head down. We soon found out that the reason she had so much room to move around was because I had Polyhydramnios, or an excess amount of amniotic fluid.

The next 32 hours were exhausting. My contractions -though frequent and increasing - weren't doing anything because of all the fluid and likewise, baby girls head wouldn't drop. We needed my water to break, but the doctors couldn't break it until the baby's head was far enough down. Our doctors were awesome and consulted with us constantly. It seemed like every five hours or so we'd come back to the possibility of a c-section.

Finally, 32 hours or so in, my water broke and I went from 2 cm to 8 cm in 30 minutes and from 8 cm to 10 cm in less than 5 min. Once I was at 8 cm, baby girl's heart beat started slowing down with each contraction, so they gave me an oxygen mask and had me move around to try and get it to come back up. Nothing worked...and for a moment, I started to panic at the urgency of the nurse's voice when she paged the doctor to come quick.

Thankfully though, after 10-15 minutes of pushing, sweet Poppy girl was here and healthy. There was such an immense relief after 33 long and stressful hours to finally have her sweet little body in my arms.

She still seems too good to be true. She's perfect. I've been relishing every moment with her snuggled up on my chest the past week and a half. Wanting desperately to freeze time and simultaneously see where she will go and what she will see and dream. I want to see her play with her sister - who loves her even more than this mama's heart had hoped she would - and see her learn and do and become.

But right now, we are in this sleep-deprived dreamlike state, in which I hang on her every breath and hold so tenderly her tiny body close to mine.

July 20, 2014

I am so in love with Lyla Bird. Everyone keeps saying how big she will seem once we have a newborn babe in our arms to compare her to, but she already seems big to me. She already blows me away by how smart she is and how witty and funny she is. My lover of shoes, sunglasses and purses. My athletic little girl who loves to throw and kick balls and has never found a wall too tall to climb. My beautiful, kind and observant first born who will always be my baby girl.

We are leaving early in the morning for the hospital, so she is going to spend the night with her Maddie and Bear tonight and theres a part of me doesn't want to let her go. Tomorrow, not only is our life going to change, but her's too. I always wanted a sister and I am so excited for these two girls we are going to raise.

I will always treasure these past two years we have had just the three of us, but just as life got better when we became three, I know that becoming four will be even better.

I love you Lyla Bird Davis. Every part of you. I can't wait to all be under one roof again soon.

July 18, 2014

No matter what, in three days or less this babe will be here. I have such mixed feelings about it all. I go from feeling ready to have this baby now - like right this moment - to wanting to drag out the next three days. While I can hardly wait to meet this sweet new family member of ours, I am also a little nervous about parenting not one, but two. Especially after nights like last night where poor Lyla fell asleep on the floor of her bedroom in front of the baby gate. I had really hoped we would have this whole big girl bed thing figured out, but most days, its still a struggle.

There is nothing more rewarding and equally humbling than parenting. An adventure to be sure.

Last night, I let my body sink into the warm bath - bubbles surrounding the roundness of my body. The weight lifted off of my back, I could think of nothing better at that moment than that bath, in this house with my family tucked safely inside it. Suddenly, my belly quaked sending ripples through the water and worry left me with nothing but thankfulness.

July 13, 2014

I craved mostly fruit with Lyla, but this pregnancy...give me all the sugar. I literally cannot count how many banana smoothies I have downed the last two weeks (they taste like milk shakes, but they're made with frozen yogurt and therefore make me feel only half guilty for finishing nearly every meal off with one). Also. Fresca. Where have you been all of my life? The next best thing to floating weightless in the pool is an ice cold Fresca, or two.

Armed with a banana smoothie and the most patient and loving husband (who has been dad of the year 100x over the last few weeks with a fiesty and opinionated two-year-old), I am entering this final week - or maybe less? - with an extra thankful heart and a very full belly.

July 08, 2014

I labored/slept most of the night with Lyla. She was born at 5:16 am, just as the sun was rising over Boston. Rob was working on the campaign and functioning on very little sleep, so I waited until the last minute before I woke him and told him to go grab a drink and something to eat out of the vending machine, because it was time and I needed him there alert and awake. We had a playlist ready, but I don't remember any music playing over those next 45 minutes.

I've been listening to the Deep Focus playlist on spotify pretty much on repeat lately. While going through Lyla's tiny baby clothes, each onesie - every blanket - tied to a different memory. While staring at her bassinet, imagining little arms and little legs wiggling inside its woven sides. Music filling the air where words fall flat to the ground.

I wonder what it will be like to have two babies. Blankets that will have swaddled two precious baby girls and with them memories that I will carry with me forever.

July 07, 2014

I get to this point in my pregnancy - the point where I know that no matter what, my body will not carry this babe in my belly much longer - when I am both excited and anxious to give birth and yet feel a deep longing to keep her safe in my womb forever. When the milk in our refridgerator expires long past my due date and all movie previews advertise release dates when my body will no longer house two hearts, but one.

When suddenly, after months of counting down, its here and all I want is to freeze time - even the restless nights and sore back. I want to live forever with this hope growing inside me. The future within me. I want to keep her snug inside me, close and safe, free from skinned knees and heartbreak.

But I know I have to let go. As my swollen belly tightens around her little body, I know that any day now she will be paving her way - conquering dreams and fears and filling our lives and those around her with so much joy.

So, I try to shake that desire to keep her for myself, knowing how loved she already is by her daddy and sister, even before she takes her first breath. Too precious a life to not be shared.

I love you, baby girl and will never take for granted this time we have had together, just you and me.