Ugh, do you really love him? 'Cause you're too pretty for him.

My friend’s friend that I just met a couple of times and haven’t really talked to her still, saw a picture of my FI and just said that! (Title) I responded wih, “it’s not about looks, he’s a great guy and good to me.” Besides, I think he’s very handsome and so do other people. I don’t know if it’s her age, she just turned 25, am 29 and my FI is 39. Then she didn’t stop there. She said we look alike. Like we can be related. No one has ever said we look alike and my best friend said, “Omfg, you guys do not look alike. She’s weird.” Then she went on saying our kids are going to look like us, all the same. Wtf?!?!

She’s divorced with a kid. I mentioned that as soon as FI and I get settled into our place and married, we’re eloping, we want to start TTC. We don’t live together now. Neither of us have kids and I’m not so young and I want three kids. FI is 10 yrs older so he’s not wanting to wait too long either. Then she started telling me, “Oh no girl! Don’t have kids yet. Live together first because everything changes, especially after getting married.” um, yes I understand things are different once you live together but she doesn’t know our relationship. How we are together. I hate when people try to act like they “know it all” just because they were married, like if every relationship is the same.

My FI doesn’t drink, smoke or anything. He’s very chill and laid back. Then she proceeding to tell me, “are you ready to stop going out, settle down and not drink, smoke?… You’re going to want to go out and you’re not going to be able to and just be at home with him all bored because he doesn’t want to go out.” First of all, he doesn’t care if I drink, he even buys me or surprises me with my favorite wine or beer. And I don’t even smoke. And he doesn’t stop me from doing anything. He doesn’t care if I go out with my friends, guy or girl. And we don’t have that type of relationship were we try to control each other. As long as we treat each other with respect, be honest and of course faithful, we have a great relationship.

I don’t know why this annoyed me so much, but she just did. I just hate when people try to sum up your relationship like they know you. Especially questioning if I love him because you don’t find him attractive? Sad when you have to base a relationship on looks instead of them being a good person who loves their partner and treats them right. Ugh! Vent over, sorry so long. Lol

@Silly_love: That is such an obnoxiously rude thing to say. Perhaps that’s her problem, she’s too worried about looks to actually be happy with a nice guy. My FI isn’t winning any beauty contests (and neither am I, I get hit on A LOT, but I’m definitely not model material). My friends never saw his pic and said “Ooooh girl, he’s gorgeous!” Oh well. I know FI isn’t the most beautiful, but in my eyes he’s adorable. He treats me well and that’s all that matters.

i get a similar thing a lot at work. i’m 21 and my FI is 27, we’ve been together for two and a half years, and anytime I mention us doing anything romantic, all the other woman exchange glances and say ‘young love’, as if I’m completely naive. Why shouldn’t we celebrate our love for each other by having nice dinners and fun dates? The majority of these women are divorced or unhappily married, so why they think they’re qualified to judge is beyond me! Perhaps if they ‘d given some special romance and attention to their partner, they might be a lot happier. Just because I’m 21 does not make any less of my relationship!

@Silly_love: It’s annying because some people have too many opinions! Especially when they dont really even know you that well! What your FI looks like have absolutly nothing to do with anything, my FI is shorter than me and people always make comments etc, but you know what he’s a great guy, makes me laugh and I love him so they can keep their opinions to themselves!

With regards to the other stuff, when you want children is up to you and FI NOT anyone else. I can understand people with kids letting you know how tough it is, but to be fair by this age we all know that it isn’t just a cute baby and it’s hard work, but that’s your decision. It should like you are both in a great place and very responsible and aren;t massive drinkers/smokers etc.

I think perhaps things didn;t pan out how she had imagined and so she is pushing that onto you, maybe she loved to party, drink and smoke and HAD to stop and she resents people who still have tat luxury,

Either way some people just can;t help themselves, stop responding to her it obviously fuels her, she must be at home bored with nothing else to do!

I forgot to mention that I showed her a pic of when he was younger, around 26 in his cop uniform and she said, “what happened to him?” Um, he was in the marines for 6yrs, was inside enemy lines fighting for his life and saving others, he was also a professional Brazilian jui jitsu/ kick boxer fighter and that picture was 13 yrs ago. He aged and his lifestyle also aged him for fighting for his country trying not to be killed to protect ignorant people like you. And believe me, he’s not ugly or hideous looking like she’s making him seem. I just think she’s judging because of his age. He’s fit, 6’3″, blue eyes, dark hair.

Ah, this girl sounds immature. I once had a divorced woman tell me I must only be with my FI for his money (we’re not rich by any standards!) because he was, and I quote, ‘an ugly mother-fucker’. I just replied ‘with all due respect, I hold no weight in your opinion considering you chose your ex-husband for looks and now all you do is complain about how much of an arsehole he is’. That shut her up fairly quickly.

Let her pass judgement all she wants, but at the end of the day you know your relationship. She is divorced, so something went wrong for her somewhere. I think my FI is a gorgeous, gorgeous man and even though his friends sometimes joke that he’s punching above his weight, everyday I thank whoever is out there that he chose me!

Someone said basically the same thing to me about my FI. That I could do better. 🙁 This from a woman who sleeps with other people’s husbands and NOT her own, though she isn’t interested in leaving him (whatever).

@imallama: ugh how rude! What are they thinking when they say these thing? I met her “bf” who has a kid with someone else and the ex kept texting him to bug, but he didn’t turn off his phone to pay attention to her. And this guy she’s with even said getting a blow job by a girl is not cheating. And continued to justify his statement lol. And even said you ain’t my girl, in front of us. He was a douche, in my opinion, not good looking and he’s younger, immature, but I didn’t tell her anything about her bf who was clearly being a douche by making those comments. And he kept starring at me in a very uncomfortable way. And she’s judging my FI, HA!

@Silly_love: How ridiculous! Sure, you have to find a person attractive to want to be with them, but building a relationship is about who you are on the inside, as wanky as that sounds. I don’t care if other people think my FI is ugly. He has amazing dress sense, he is kind, he can’t wait to become a father, he takes care of me when I’m ill, he encourages me to grow as a person through studying and persuing my hobbies, he loves me spending time with my friends…I think he is perfect! Once I stopped looking for a guy who was traditionally handsome and ‘fit’, I found the man of my dreams.

I wouldn’t really care about comments like this. I only get upset about comments that people I respect make. Otherwise it doesn’t impact my day. Sure, it can be momentarily offensive but I’d simply tell her to shut the fuck up and move on.

Also, a lot of times people have good intentions but don’t have a very good delivery. I agree with her that I wouldn’t pop out kids with someone I just moved in with but it’s not her place to say that. Some people don’t know their place and what’s appropriate.