You’re still too young to understand the news, and for that a part of me is grateful. After all, there’s seldom anything on there that I even want to see. It’s all bad news, followed by more bad news, and for now I want to shelter you from all the calamity. School shootings, political unrest, racism and violence. You’re so innocently unaware of it all, and for now you’re not negatively affected by all the anger, injustice, and evil. I wish I could keep you from it forever. Just keep you my sweet, loving girl. But I can’t.

One day you’ll see, and one day you’ll know. I watch you become more aware of the world around you every day, and you’re asking questions, and more importantly contemplating my answers. You’re beginning to form your own opinions, and that’s a good thing, but you still face harsh realities ahead. While a part of me may want to keep you sheltered and protected forever, I know that’s not the way. You need to be a part of this world at large, but you don’t need to let it steal your shine. That’s the challenge.

My advice to you as you begin to notice more the trouble of this world is to abide in hope. To abide is defined as “to continue without fading,” and that’s going to be very important as you go. The fact is that there are cruel people in this world who harm others without thought. Sometimes you will see so much hate, so many heinous acts that make you break into tired tears, and you’ll wonder where all the kindness went.

I can still remember when I served Active Duty and our world was attacked by terror on 9/11. As I watched helpless people jump from a burning building to their death it was as if hope plummeted with them. My heart hurt at the evil that rose against humanity, but then the true grit of humanity rose back in resistance. Despite the atrocious events, hope prevailed. Mankind remained in hope. They abided in hope. It threatened to fade, but in the end it did not. That is what you must always do. Never let the evil of this world win and steal your hope. In this world you will have trouble, but our hope is in something greater than this world. Keep that in mind always.

Here’s the part that kinda worries your Momma, though. You are so sweet, and so kind. Never let that be taken from you! We currently live in a world that feeds on sarcasm and breathes on cynicism. Harsh words are thoughtlessly hurled, opinions are strong, and concessions are few. Sympathy is dulled and charity for the sake of doing it without recognition is rare. You definitely will experience unfair treatment, judgement, and snide comments concerning your life choices. Let them roll off your back, for sure, but don’t let them make you unfeeling. It’s a tough balance to remain sensitive in a “mean” world, yet not let callousness or cruelty change you. They say “if you can’t beat them, join them,” but my advice is to always stay true to you. Don’t allow a hard world to harden you. It’s okay to be “weak” if that means loving your fellow man. A lot of the time when you are weak by the worldly standard, you are truly strong. I think you know what I’m talking about.

But here’s the most important part, kiddo. You are the future. Some folks say “this world has gone to hell in a hand basket,” but you know I never give up hope. I don’t want you to either. Be a world-changer. In a harsh world where confused, hurting people pull out a gun in school, yeah, you need to be on guard, but never do you need to become unloving. When you do that then it really will be the end.

I need you to be the light. I need you to help the hurting. Be the one who reaches out to the quiet, rejected people. Be the one who does no harm, doesn’t judge, and gives a smile always. Watch for those hurting, those who have fallen, and reach out a helping hand. I’m not saying this will be easy, or that it will even be accepted always, but I want you to never stop trying to be a light in this darkened world. Your highest calling in life is to serve others, love others, and perhaps even change this troubled world one life at a time.

You’ve got your work cut out for you, and honestly, I’m glad that right now all you can see is the kindness and love our home offers you. I wish every child had that. Perhaps then we wouldn’t be in the boat we are. For now you’re just learning to love, but my hope is that it will be so ingrained that you’ll have no choice but for you to overflow it into others as you step out further into this troubled world on your own one day.

Today I decided to take my children to a local Civil War Museum. We live in Mississippi, and although the museum is just down the street from my house I had never been. I grew up taking frequent trips to Shiloh Battlefied so I suppose I figured I had seen all the historical facts there were to see, but it occurred to me today that my children had not. They’re still young. I figured the almost two and almost five year old might have trouble understanding it all, but my bright, seven year old would gain some great pearls of history from the excursion. So we went.

My seven year old knew about the Civil War from previous lessons, but I reiterated key points as we did our tour. In all honesty it probably wasn’t the best educational experience with the younger two running around, but I still tried to make sure she understood the seriousness of this particular piece of our history. As she sat on a bench next to a statue of an African American girl I asked her if she had any questions. I assumed she would, but I really didn’t expect what she said next.

She asked hesitantly, “are we bad people, Momma? Are we bad cause we kept them as slaves?”

I was caught off guard by her question and also saddened that it was something that even needed to be pondered, but I was also proud of her empathy, conviction, and introspection at such a young age. I answered the best I could.

In a way yes, and in a way, no. As humans ruled by sin we can do despicable things. Our ancestors did a very bad thing by treating people like property rather than living beings with a soul. We can be sad by what they did, we can learn from their mistakes, we can understand that black people today still hurt a whole bunch because of what happened, but we cannot change what happened. We can’t undo the bad things, but we can move forward in good.

We can make a point to live today and each day being kind, treating people equally and with love, and showing them the good in us. God in us. That’s the most important thing to know. We did bad, but we can still do good. We’re not bad, because of Jesus, and we’re only good by His grace.

When I finished I looked at her solemnly and asked, “do you understand?”

“Yes, Momma.” She smiled. “I love you.”

Then I thought, I love you too, baby. I wish I could take all the bad away so it never touched you, but then I also know that there’s many bad things, such as this, that you absolutely must see so that you’ll be better able to understand God’s goodness at work in our lives, how much we absolutely need Him, and how you can be His hands and feet in a bad world.

Are white people bad? We’re all bad; white, black, brown, yellow, and green. God is the only thing good in any of us.

I’m going to be very honest with you. I didn’t want to write this post. I woke up with it fitfully on my brain; I had dreamed of it. Then even as I would try to fall back asleep, I would wake with it flitting through my mind. I tried to explore a couple of topics I wanted to write about, but this one kept getting in the way. So I’ve decided to put it down and see what happens. Just know that anything I feel led to say here is with love, but I am also human, so if I flub my words I do ask for your grace.

Recently my husband and I watched a great movie called The Free State of Jones. If you haven’t seen it I suggest you check it out. If you don’t know the history of your nation then you really should take the time to learn it. History is how we face our past mistakes and then learn from them. The best way to commune with others is by trying to walk a mile in their shoes, and though you can’t always make the same hard trek they have, you can lay a sympathetic hand on their shoulder and say, “I’m sorry, friend.”

As Ben and I watched this film we were naturally affected by how this huge piece of history ties into our lives. As children of God, and more importantly lovers of Jesus, our main goal in life is to approach other children of the King in a way that pleases our Father. That’s not always easy in this life, but when you see what a wretch you are personally and how God redeemed you, it just makes sense.

At one point, though, my husband said something bothersome. Bothersome because it was true.

“It’s like the Civil War is happening all over again.” He said sadly. “We’re not going forwards, we’re going backwards.”

His words come back to me this week as I watch anger around me. I see people speak certain things, and I can almost picture the rage dripping off their tongues. They’re angry, and anger is good. Righteous indignation can move mountains, and it can get points across where mere meek words are unable. But anger is also a double-edged sword, and many times it can cut the people who wish to stand boldly with you. So as they lay bleeding on the sidelines in shock and awe they wonder, what did I do exactly?

So many wrongs lay in the past that they absolutely cannot be made right. They can’t! Saying sorry doesn’t work, and although raising your children to think differently than perhaps your grandparents did goes a long way, it will not bring healing. Only Jesus can do that. Equality is a goal, and I see it moving forward, but sometimes I wonder if that’s what everyone really wants. Sometimes I think people don’t so much want equality. Instead they want retribution. They want payback for their pain, and I just can’t help but think that’s not the answer.

When your anger becomes a feeling of “I have been wronged, and now I need justice by any means necessary,” there isn’t healing. There isn’t forgiveness. There isn’t a forward momentum, no matter what may be assumed. There’s only regression. There’s only hate. There’s only division.

In my reading of God’s word I’ve found forgiveness brings healing, but I also know that isn’t easy. In instances where I have been personally wronged and rejected (and no, I’m not trying to make an exact comparison) I have found that the longer I project anger towards my enemy the longer I hurt. But when I allow God to heal my pain and show me the good people in my life I am able to go forward in joy. I also discovered I can’t change some people’s hearts no matter how mad I get, but God can take care of it.

This is hard. Sigh. I’m not trying to say that injustice doesn’t exist, and I’m not trying to sweep it under the rug. What I am trying to do is encourage everyone to look inside your heart, pray, and ask the Lord, “do I seek equality, or do I seek retribution? Am I desiring your healing, or am I wanting an eye for an eye, and hurt for my hurt? Is that what you desire for me, or do you wish to heal this land?”

Sometimes we all can focus so much on ourselves that we lose sight of God’s bigger purposes. Where is He taking us? What does He have in mind? I don’t believe it’s division, to fall backwards, or to slay our friends who just want to try and understand our pain.

This morning this verse came to mind.

Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

I just wonder if God might more readily be able to bring healing to our land if we can stop saying me & I? This is where I am hurt, or this is how you’re offending me. What if we could focus on how our brothers are hurting, or how our sister might need encouragement today. What if we died to self, forgave our enemies, and laid down our anger that has become like a shackle around our neck?

What if we could seek equality and justice without seeking revenge or retribution? What if instead of asking “how are you gonna make this right” we asked “what can we do to move forward in healing?” Is it time to seek forgiveness rather than searching for a needle of injustice in a haystack of life?

The thing is if you want to seek negativity you will always find it. If you want to gather together angry voices they won’t be hard to find. What’s harder is letting go of past pain, asking for God’s restoration, and moving forward in a state of forgiveness. It’s not easy to be the bigger person, but in my experience it feels so good.

I hope my husband is wrong. I hope we’re not falling backwards to a place where people will hate me and judge me because my skin is white. I wish my fellow man could see past my pigment to the soul that will be with me for all eternity. It has no color, only love. I wish we could see with soul eyes. Is that too much to ask?

Am I supposed to call you that? Black, I mean. I really don’t know. It used to be African American was preferred, but then that seemed to be offensive too. I wanted to just call you friend, but then I found out that saying I’m colorblind is offensive because it can’t possibly be true. Society says I can’t just see you as my friend, with blood that runs the same color as mine, because you’re different. Your past makes you different, and how people as a whole see you makes you different. So I can’t see you as the same. In fact saying I do will bring major eye roll from many.

The thing is, I don’t want to offend you. I’m scared to death of saying the wrong thing, and even writing this post is a major deal to me. But more important than any worry that I might say this all wrong is the regret I will have if I don’t say it at all.

In truth, I don’t really know what to say. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I know you don’t expect that anyway. I mean, I want to have the answers; I do. I want to be able to say sentiments like “things have changed” and “it’s better now, we’re equal,” but I think we both know that’s not true. Just listening to some of my patients I care for (who happen to be white) speak bigoted remarks reminds me what is true. I want to say “white privilege” is a load of crap, but then I wonder, is it really?!

I want to believe we have moved light years ahead of where we used to be, and for the most part we really have, but then we haven’t too. I see footage of things like the shooting of Alton Sterling and I realize we have a very long way to go.

Some people say that you live in the past, and you can’t let go of things that have no relevance with how you’re treated today. Heck, I’ll be honest, I’ve thought that before. I certainly don’t think I should be judged for how my ancestors treated yours, but then I watch a movie like 12 Years as a Slave and I just wanna say “I’m sorry.” When you actually open your eyes and heart to the heinous treatment that occurred it’s impossible not to understand. I’d have a hard time moving past it too.
I want to say things like “color doesn’t matter,” but sadly I live in a world where it does matter to so many. This world where babies are murdered in the womb and parents strung out on crack forget to feed their kid, is the same world where cruel people enter positions that allow them to harm others. So although there are a lot of good moms and dads who raise their children safely and selflessly, and good people who serve as police officers to protect the public, there are just as many selfish, deadbeat parents and sadistic, racist cops who take pleasure in exerting authority often to the demise of others. I know this because I had a first cousin murdered by the police, but I also know not every cop is like that one who took Will’s life. But I digress.

This isn’t about whether cops are bad, or anything along that line. It’s about bad, inexcusable things happening to people of color, and for me to try and say they don’t, well, that would be a lie.

As I saw the press conference of Alton’s family crying my own eyes filled with tears, and I wanted to tell them “I’m sorry.” I wanted to tell you the same. I think there is a stigma against your race, and even though I tell myself “I’m not like that” and I raise my family to see you as the same, I cannot change certain things. I won’t diminish your feelings or your position by saying I can.

I’m a white, Southern woman, and even though I hate to say this out loud, cause I don’t want to believe it, I know that how I am seen in the job force, by the authorities, and in society as a whole is far different from how they see you. And because of that I really don’t know what to say.

I can say I’m sorry. I can say that I desire it to change. I can say we’ve come a long way, baby, and although we have so much further to go, I am hopeful for the future.

The thing is I don’t want us to be held back because it’s not 100% just yet. I don’t want division because we’re different. I don’t want the devil driving a wedge between God’s people. I don’t want you to have pain. I wish I knew all the answers. I really, really do.

I wish I had a magic switch I could flip to change everyone’s innate perceptions and ingrained prejudice, but right now that’s not something I can do. I try to teach my kids the best I can. I try to love you the sensitive way I know how. I fall short. I’ve probably fallen short all over this entire letter, but my heart is sincere, and I hope you see that.

I’m sorry for your pain. I’m sorry for the past. I’m sorry so many of us, including myself, ask you to let it go, not realizing how hard that can be. I’m sorry some people still see you as less. I wish it wasn’t so. I’m sorry Satan uses this to try and hold your culture back, convincing your children that you are hated by everyone, when I can promise you that is not true.

You are my friend. I think it only acknowledges the struggles your family has seen in the past and the struggles you still see today when I call you my black friend. I do see colorblind in a way, but on the other hand I do not. I see you’re different, and your struggles are not my own. I’m sorry if I’ve ever pretended otherwise. It was just because it hurt to admit it is true.

Regardless, I love you. You’re my sister, my brother, my friend. I do not always know what to say, and I know you don’t expect me to, but I just wanted you to know that I see. I see you.

Love,

Brie

Meet Brie

Brie is a thirty-something (sliding ever closer to forty-something) wife and mother. When she's not loving on her hubby, bouncing a happy toddler on her hip, chasing her preschooler, or teaching her six year old at the kitchen table, she enjoys cooking, reading, and writing down her thoughts to share with others. But honestly she loves nothing more than watching a great movie, or a hot bath, alone if the children allow. Which never happens.Read More…

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