Saturday, 28 January 2012

Tip 170: Start a new job.

After you've filed your resignation
letter, lived through those glorious last few weeks where you tell yourself repeatedly "all this will soon be over," and given your old boss a few new
rules to live by on the way out the door, you will have to find a new
job.

Such are the demands of our
how-soon-can-we-buy-the-ceo-a-new-private-jet? society.

Pick a job and apply for it, abundant
with hope the middle-management will be kindly, the email system won't
be Lotus Notes and you'll get ball point pens that cost more than 39
cents.

Then pore over the map and choose which
way you will get there. Choose a route that looks direct and safe
and commit it to memory.

BONUS TIP: You will never ride that way
again. Every day, a crazy taxi driver, a frightening incline or a
cavernous pothole will make you take a different left, or an earlier
right, or start the whole thing on the path along the river instead
of going down Brunswick St because goddamn it risk profiles rise
inexorably with constant exposure to low-level consequences and
bugger how come I always get thorns in my tyres when I ride through
the park and why is this light-cycle so antagonisingly slow and if those school-run mums' SUVs got any bigger
they'd need Heavy Rigid licenses and high vis shirts...

After about 15 years, you'll can expect
to have your route to work figured out. Of course, by then the robots
will be doing your old job at a tenth the cost, and you'll be sitting
at home weeping as you nuzzle your bike's top tube for comfort.