Mama said they make me nicer

Menu

time to bid you farewell
though it seems that you just walked across the grass wet with dew
a few short mornings ago
knocked on the door
satchel in tow, announcing your arrival

there you stood
dressed in your blue jumper
pants rolled up and barefooted from summer,
pockets filled with this and that
trinkets of days gone by
and as each day came you insisted
on sitting together, pulling them out
one by one,
rubbing each one over and over
in your weathered hands
with recognition and remembrance
until the sheen was nearly blinding

you have brought me some of my greatest treasures
and you have been the beginning of my saddest stories
you are like the evenings that come with you–
the impending darkness coming sooner and sooner
and the clouds above more ominous than before

the songs you sing make me smile
and fill my eyes with tears–
the little ones and old,
whose hands I held for the first time
and the last
will always come to mind when I see you
and I thank you for that

still I’m not entirely sad to see you go
what good would it do anyway?
time presses on, unbearably weighty
like the humid air you claim as your own,
sometimes making it hard to breathe,
and I have no choice to but to rise and welcome you,
sitting with you as you remember and remind me
and then just as we reach a companionable silence,
you leave

me alone

to face all the other days that follow,
days that insist on festivities, joy, and cheer

thank you for the grace you bring
this reprieve after the light, airy days of summer
demanding so little,
merely that I listen
and hear our stories
once again

tuck away your treasures
and mind you take care now,
mend that pocket so you don’t lose any of our precious memories

and don’t catch cold as you head out into the dark, damp night
there’s so much that can happen in a year
and I don’t think I can bear it all again without you

I sit outside on the porch
as a warm breeze blows through
and twenty-two years disappear
the sun shines bright, illuminating a golden afternoon, and there you are,
carefully taking one step after another
holding the hand of the one you adored
and who cherished you right back
she leads you to your birthday gift
the swing
built by the man who makes you giggle
and gives you Nilla wafers to clasp
in your tiny hands, never mind the mess
he gently lifts you and places you
with her help into the swing
made especially for you

all the years since have come and gone
as have the ones we love
and I think of the gift they gave you
on the day you turned one

life is much like that swing–
may you always be surrounded by those who love you
like those who created and guided you to
the swing that day
giving you roots to tread on
and wings to fly

some days you will have someone at your back
pushing you higher and higher
up through the things that would pull you down
until you can reach for the stars and clouds and very nearly touch them
with your bare hands

other days, and there will be many, dear one
you will have to pump and point
lifting yourself above the noise and hustle
to reach your dreams and goals and all you want to be,
depending only on your own will and strength and determination

I remember the smile on your face twenty-two years ago
when you sat there in that old tire picked especially for you–
it would have lit up the darkest of nights…..
the sheer joy of the movement
and being surrounded by the ones you loved
brought laughter bubbling up from within
and cries of “again! again!”
as your tiny toes that couldn’t touch the ground kicked at the air excitedly

may you take time everyday to feel the wind in your hair
the exhilaration when you soar
and the beauty of the gentle quiet as you let it all “die down”
may you welcome those who have your back
and let them be a part of your journey, cheering each other on
and when you feel like no one is there,
pump and point, my dear, pump and point
and remember the dreams they dreamed for you,
the ones you’ve tucked away deep in your heart
and aim for the highest point–
and when you get there

grab hold of your faith
let go of the rope

and leap

For A.A.D. on the night of her 23rd birthday…..keep soaring high, baby girl

she is comfort
the sound of rain on the faded tin roof
the hum of the needle making stitch after stitch
the first ice cream of summer, dripping down the cone
the smell of tea olive blossoming beneath the starlit sky

the sound of her voice
on the other end of the line
reassures me
reminds me
rejoices and refreshes
like a balm to my aching soul,
sore from too much too soon

she listens to my stories,
my worries, and my joys
she remembers what I never knew,
and tells of days past, people gone
mending the cracks in my foundation
that come from time and distance and loss

she is the voice of those who can no longer speak
she is the shoulder of those I can no longer lean on
she is the counselor, speaking for those whose wisdom is now a whisper in the wind
she is the love for those who loved us

she is
as she always has been

treasured
beloved
adored
cherished
mine

and as I watch her head bowed closely next to my child,
their voices joining together in lyrical conversation
with notes of laughter for the chorus
I am thankful
thankful for who she was then
before
and for who she is now
now that they are gone

she can never replace
she would not want to
nor would I ask it
but her stitches
of love, day in day out,
help ease the gaping wounds
her touch brings healing
and her heart brings light

and warmth
as the scent of vanilla and patchouli
waft from her back door, welcoming us
as we climb the steps of the porch

Cooter was sick with his standard Sunday evening 12 hour stomach thing two weeks ago. I don’t call it a proper bug, because there’s never any rhyme or reason to it. He doesn’t run fever or have any other symptoms. Just every so often–occasionally–he will have stomach trouble to the point of vomiting a few times. Most always on a Sunday evening. We will stay up late watching his go to “sick” movie (the original Batman), and then once he’s able to, he will make the call on whether he will go to bed or sleep on the couch, and whether or not he prefers me to be close by for the rest of the night.

This last time, I was anxious that he feel better quickly. If it ran typically, he’d be fine before morning, and we really needed for him to be. He has drama on Mondays, and he really, really doesn’t need to miss any rehearsals if he can at all help it. I’m old school, so if I had any doubts about him being well, he wouldn’t be going. That night I kept asking him if he felt okay. He did but then a second wave hit. I decided to try an oil I have that is suppose to help with stomach upset, so I applied it topically.

Things had settled a little, and then he told me that he thought he’d be okay if he didn’t have to keep smelling that smell–that it was really bothering his stomach. Interesting. Well, nothing for it but to try to gently wash it off.

He said that helped.

The next morning–as per usual–he woke up asking for his oyster crackers. And then real food. He was hungry. And he kept it down. And he ate more and was his old self. Just like all the other times.

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly his body turns around from whatever THAT was.

I was talking with him that night after drama. He was glad to feel better and more than happy that I agreed we wouldn’t use the oil for him again. He said that trying to stop the throwing up was not working. “See, Mama,” he said in that voice he uses when he is imparting the greatest of wisdom to his old Mama, “I just have to trust the process. If I’m sick and throwing up, that means I need to do that. Get the bad stuff out. Mama. Trust the process.”

A lot of the time I can see Mama in my middle child, our Princess. But in that moment, I could see and hear Mama in my little guy’s words and expression. He knows how much I worry when he’s sick, but he’s fine because he “trusts the process.” And in telling me to do it, well, that’s just like my Mama. Trying to calm me and bring me peace in the midst of chaos.

Trust the process.

That’s so hard to do sometimes, isn’t it? Because it requires letting go. Letting go of trying to “fix” things or cure them or even just guiding how it goes. Being a “scriptwriter” for my own life from way back, this is really hard.

But I look at that peace on my little guy’s face and he’s just taking it in stride. I’m sick, okay, let me do what I have to do to get better.

Trust the process.

Trust it in the midst of a new friendship. Trust the other person. Give them a chance. Trust in the middle of planning a huge project. Trust that it will all come together. Trust in the making of a long journey. Trust that we will get there, or wherever we get, it will be okay.

It sort of goes hand in hand with what Mama often said, “Do your very best. Be your best self.”

Because if you do those things, then trust the process, there is a peace in that that calls out to my soul. I want that. I need it.

It’s a Sunday again, and today Cooter was out with his best buddies building a fort with sticks and branches trimmed from the trees around their house. It took them a while, but they built a magnificent fort, and then they proceeded to spend the afternoon on into the evening in it, telling stories, imagining adventures, and making the best of memories. They took it one step at a time, did what came next, gave it their best efforts, and wound up with a great place to play.

If they’d worried about what kind of fort, or tried to count all the sticks and branches ahead of time, or worried about how it could be torn down before they were finished or how there could be critters living on the sticks or how someone might spill a Gatorade inside the fort (true story) and how that might delay their fun…..well, it could have been a long afternoon and made for some grumpy little guys.

Instead. They formed an idea, did their best, and trusted the process. In the end, their lives were all the better for it.

Okay, I know, it’s just a fort. One that will most likely be fire pit fuel in the next few weeks.

But it’s a beautiful example of trusting the process. And not nearly so…..ummm, disgusting….as the stomach trouble story.

This week I’m going to follow Cooter’s example and try trusting the process. In my days, in my conversations, in my relationships. I’m going to try giving it my best and then letting go. I’m hoping I’ll have as big a smile as these guys did this afternoon, hanging out in the midst of broken branches and limbs that their trust and hard work turned into a pretty cool place to spend a Sunday afternoon. Or a lifetime.

The folks who know me best know I have a love of books. One that has me counting my books as some of my most prized possessions. I have my favorites that I’ve had for many years, and I have books whose release dates are circled on my calendar. I have books on my Kindle (sometimes that’s just how it has to be), but mostly I love the no kidding hold it in my hands books. I worked in our library all four years of high school, so the smell of books brings me great joy and yes, I’ve been guilty of book sniffing.

I blame this love of books on my parents and my Aunt who took me to my first Old Book Sale.

The characters of the books become close friends and their stories intertwine with mine. The authors of my favorite fiction and non-fiction books become my friends in real life, and I love celebrating the births of their new creations.

So imagine my joy to be chosen to be on the launch team for not one, but THREE books during the past couple of weeks.

THRILLED. HONORED.

You mean I need to make reading a higher priority than I normally do? Because after all, I have an obligation to help these writers with their launch. In a timely fashion.

Sigh. It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.

I sure am glad it’s me.

I want to share with you about these books and then a special surprise at the end, if you have time to stick with me on this post. If you have some reading to get to, I understand (bookmark me and come back to this later), but y’all, those dirty dishes can wait. You need to know about all of these books. You are going to want them ALL in your library.

(You do have a library, don’t you? If you don’t, I can respect that, but please go to your public library and ask them to get these books for you, okay? I want you to get to know them too.)

The first book is a lovely full color book by Roma Downey. Yes, that Roma Downey from “Touched by an Angel.” She was also in one of my favorite Christmas movies, “Borrowed Hearts,” with Eric McCormack, but that’s a story for another time. I was sent the e-book version of this book, A Box of Butterflies, but I will be ordering a hard copy as soon as it is released in March. It’s beautiful. The pages are gorgeous to view, and there are lovely and meaningful quotes all through it. But the most beautiful parts are the glimpses into Ms. Downey’s life and the way her kind spirit shines through it. Her friendship with Della Reese (who wrote the Foreword) is one of love and respect and compassion. I could identify so much with the stories of her missing her parents, as this is part of my story too. This book will lift your spirit and touch your heart. I highly recommend this for you, and it is perfect as a gift book for those near and dear as well.

The second book I just received, so I haven’t been able to read it yet, but I KNOW it’s what I need to hear from the title and the stories I’ve read about the author and her book. Kate Bowler’s book, Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I’ve Loved, is a funny, frank, dark, and wise book that tells the story of this Divinity school professor and young mother’s diagnosis of stage IV colon cancer and how the prospect of her own mortality has changed the way she thinks and lives–for the better. I saw on Twitter where someone was saying that every minister needs to read this book, especially the Appendix–I and II. Never being one to skip to the end of a book, I admit that this morning I flipped to see what was in those appendices. And yes, not only do all ministers need to read them and post them on their wall and carry them in their wallets and purses, but we all do. I’m going to start the book when I finish writing this, but *spoiler alert* Appendix I is “Absolutely Never Say This To People Experiencing Terrible Times: A Short List.” Appendix II is “Give This A Go: See How It Works: A Short List.” The book is worth buying just for these pages. And that’s without reading her raw and honest story, which I know will only offer more wisdom and insight on how to love each other through hard times. I saw this quote from Kate Bowler on Twitter, and YES YES YES:

“The basic thing is not all pain has to be explained. I wish people would just, take a breath, notice the person in front of them, and realize that it’s probably a hard day and maybe they just want to talk about “The Bachelor.” It’s a good season.”

Whether or not you’re a Bachelor fan (no judgment here, my friends), we can do better by each other. Not all pain has to be explained. THANK YOU, KATE BOWLER.

The third book—oh my, my soul is dancing—is When God Made Light by Matthew Paul Turner. Y’all. It’s a children’s book, the second children’s book by the author of When God Made You. When I applied to be on his launch team, I had no idea I’d actually be chosen (but as Mama always said, If you don’t ask, you won’t know), so when I got the email welcoming me on the team, I was THRILLED. When the actual book came in the bubble wrapped envelope, I was no lie like one of my children on Christmas morning. Or maybe more like Miss Sophie when she finds a chip on the floor and doesn’t want to share. I tucked myself up on my spot on the couch, tenderly opened the envelope and pulled out the treasured book.

And it is a treasure.

If you have a child, are a child, know a child, were ever a child…..you need this book. The words are lyrical, dancing across the pages just as the illustrations (fantastic job by David Catrow) do. I join in with the children in the book, listening to the words that assure me I am a part of the Plan, of the Light, and I am loved.

Wow.

Right now—RUN, DON’T WALK, PEOPLE—you can pre-order When God Made Light, which is being released next Tuesday (yay!) and get your very own copy of When God Made You for FREE. (Click on FREE for the link as to how to make that happen.) It’s the ultimate buy one, get one, and y’all know how I love a bargain! I already have both books, and I’ll be taking advantage of this special deal, because when it comes to your favorite books, you can never have too many copies. Mama and Daddy taught me that. This is a book for you to have and to share with all the people you hold dear. If you want me to show you my copy and you’ll be on one of my Out and Abouts over the next few weeks, let me know and I’ll bring it along. But you will want your own copy, I can assure you of you that. And when you get your copy, please promise me you will all sit around taking turns reading it to each other–because you all need to hear this message.

id=“fb-root”>

Here are two more books *BONUS TIME* I want to share with you. First, one of our local stars and her sweet Mama have written a book and while I don’t have a copy yet (it’s a huge seller and constantly on backorder, but YAY that’s a great thing), I know this young woman and her mother, and they are the best kind of people. Their hearts are so big, I don’t know how they keep them in. The way they love others is an inspiration to all who know them. I Want to Make a Difference by Kelsey Anastasia Norris and Carol Norris is a beautiful story of love and giving and overcoming odds. I can’t wait to have my very own copy, and y’all I’m hoping to get it signed because I am a huge Kelsey fan.

Finally, this past Tuesday, A Cup of Loveanthology was released on Amazon as an eBook. I am honored that Ms. Barbara Barth once again asked me to be a part of this. My story, “Love at the Laundromat,” is included along with stories by some of my favorite authors. (I’ll just be over here fangirling, don’t mind me.) It’s the story of when my Mama met my Daddy for the first time, and I’m so glad it worked out because my Mama was full of spunk, y’all. I think they would be okay with me sharing their story and even more so because the proceeds from the sale of this eBook go to First Book, a program that puts books in the hands of young children who might not otherwise have them. That’s what they were all about–books and children. So this honor is extra special for me to have my story included. If you are looking for the perfect card for someone you hold dear this Valentine’s Day or any day at all, consider sending them A Cup of Love. It’s cheaper than most cards and will last far longer.

I hope you will find a book or few in these titles that will entertain you, lift your spirits, make you laugh, and bring you joy. It’s still good reading weather around here (okay, yes, it’s always good reading weather to me), so I hope you will treat yourself or find one of these treasures at your library and spend some time tanning your soul with a good book.

The past few weekends have found me watching a whole lot of football. Some exciting things were happening for teams down here in our parts. My little guy is a huge football fan, and I enjoy seeing his joy, so I’ve picked up watching and rooting for teams again. It brings back happy memories of Sunday afternoons laying on the couch with Daddy kicked back in his recliner, watching the games and not betting on the games because Mama didn’t allow that. (Okay, there may have been a quarter or two that exchanged hands. Shhhh.)

Saturday we watched the Falcons game over at MessCat’s house. Leroy had invited us to join them for the Big game. I’m not sure he knew what he was getting into, because I can get rather vocal in my cheering on of the team of choice. And with the playoffs on the line, I was pretty…..ummm, into it all.

Y’all, I watched my little guy cry real tears when the Patriots came back in the second half of that Super Bowl last year. I’d have loved for the Falcons to have another shot. But they didn’t win on Saturday, so they don’t, and nobody handled it better than my little guy. He just moved on to the next game…..and cheering on anyone playing the Patriots. He’s growing up. And adapting.

I’m a proud Mama.

While we watched the games, I was intrigued by something that seems new to me. When a player caught the ball and landed on the ground, there were several occasions of it being in question as to whether the player had “control” of the ball when he landed.

Really?

I mean, is this new?

My brother-in-law explained that they were really cracking down on this this season–that if it didn’t appear that the player had control of the ball, the pass was not complete.

Oh. My. Stars.

I don’t mean to sound old (I mean, yeah, I’m rapidly approaching that state), but back in my day, if they caught the ball and didn’t drop it when they fell, it was complete.

Or at least that’s the way I understood it.

I cannot tell you how many plays we had to sit and wait after while the folks in New York made the call as to whether a player in Philadelphia or Massachusetts actually had control of the ball.

Never mind that the player did not lose the ball when he landed on the hard ground.

It was really, really annoying.

And while I’m not going to argue about the ins and outs of football–I don’t need to know all the intricate details, I leave that to fans like my little fella–I have been chewing on why maybe this has bothered me so much.

And here it is. Way too often in this life, we are hit by something from out of the blue. Something that knocks us for a loop, sends us off track, causes us to lose our way for a moment. And way too often, there are those around us all too ready to have us doubt ourselves and how we are handling things. How well we are hanging on to the good in our life. They would have us thinking that we don’t have a hold on things, no matter what we know to be true.

We didn’t drop the ball.

We are still hanging on.

And we will get back up and carry on.

No matter what those in New York–or anywhere else for that matter–have to say about us.

The other thing that struck me was that each and every person watching had an opinion as to whether the ball had been properly “caught” or not. Usually said opinion had a direct relationship to the person watching’s team preference.

And then it was a couple of days later that this hit me.

Life is a team sport, isn’t it?

For the most part y’all, we don’t do life by ourselves.

We have folks around us, doing this life journey alongside us. Sometimes folks are cheering for us, and other times, sadly way too often, folks are cheering against us. There are times when people we have on our side get traded or retire and we are given new team members. New people to meet and get to know, and soon our stories and journeys are intertwined as we head onto the field together. Some days we win, some days we lose, and all those days in between…..

we learn. We try. We practice. We rest. We sit in the stands and cheer others on. Or help them get down their own field. We revive and restore and then…..

we try to get down the field a little bit more. Together. With the help of those beside us.

A team sport. Where we learn to trust and share and pass the ball when we need help and block the hard things as best we can. And when one of us gets knocked down…..

we reach over and give them a hand up.

I think that has been my favorite part of watching the games, and I didn’t even realize it. That hand that goes out to the player on the ground…..and it’s ALWAYS there. I’ve yet to see someone have to get up off that ground alone. No matter what the situation was that put them there.

Tonight I’m thankful for the ones running along with me and for those cheering me on. I’m thankful for the ones up ahead who have made a way and for the ones coming behind. Most of all, I’m thankful for the ones who sit with me when I’ve been knocked down and offer a hand to pull me back to my feet when I’m ready, all without judging what knocked me down or how I came to be there.

Life is a team sport. I’m going to hold on to that image. For the days I’m feeling knocked down, dragged out. And for the days when those around me need someone to cheer them on or someone to pass the ball to…..or someone to remind them that no ma’am, you did not drop that ball. You hung on to it. And you might be on the ground right now, but you’re okay. And together we’re going to get you back up and on your way.

Look around, y’all. Give your team people squad posse fans coaches fellow players a big ol’ high five. Because you’ve got this. Some days you may run into double overtime and find yourself a touchdown behind, but we’re all going to be okay no matter what the folks in New York say. Because we are together. And if you’re sitting on the bench by yourself right now, don’t stay there. We pick you to be on our team. Come on over. Because we can never have too many folks to count on and share the journey with. There’s no such thing as too many players on the field in this version of the game.

Tonight I will gather with little folks (and a few big) whom I love right here in my living room, and we’ll debate about staying up to see the New Year in. We may or may not watch some form of something dropping to beckon in 2018, and then the laughter will turn into sighs and we’ll gather up the remnants and used cups and crumpled napkins of 2017 and go to bed.

This is as good as I can do. I don’t have big plans and schemes for this New Year. If I start thinking of tomorrow as a day THAT ALL BIG THINGS MUST BEGIN, I kind of sort of start breathing a little funny and want to go crawl in Miss Sophie’s crate with her and wait for spring and for this “all great ideas and good intentions” phase to pass.

Because, see, my feet are cold, and most days I have to take it one day at a time.

My Mama said that is okay.

She said do your best, that’s all your Daddy and I ask of you.

And that I can try to do. Moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour, and sometimes day by day.

But a whole year? In one big gulp?

I’m happy for folks who are excited about the newness of tomorrow and the 364 days to follow. But for many of us, 2017 and 2015 and 2013 and 2011 were really really hard, and we’re still learning a new way to breathe because of what happened when the clock turned over to November 13 and 17 and December 18 and February 10 and September 26 and May 12 and January 11 and all of the other days of the year when we had hard things happen. For some of us, each day is a new challenge, filled with moments of learning new ways to live.

Grace.

If you are of the mind of taking on new ways of living and find tomorrow a good day to start, maybe grace could be a good one to add to the list. Most of all, be kind to yourself. And others. When days are hard–for you or someone you know and those you don’t, offer grace and kindness. Grace that it’s okay to say it’s hard and stay in bed for the day, literally or figuratively, and kindness in the midst of the struggles. A smile, a listening ear, a hand to hold, patience, empathy.

Tomorrow we will have the traditional greens, peas, cornbread, and such. I’ll try not to do anything I don’t want to be doing the rest of the year (though I’ve found reframing certain things has helped me in this old tradition), and I won’t be doing any laundry out of respect for the ones who’ve gone before me. We will spend time sharing stories and laughing and remembering.

And I will do my best to rejoice and be glad in the day, as my Mama reminded me I am called to do everyday.

But for now, I just can’t take on the chunk of a year all at once. If you are struggling with another day of celebrating and being surrounded by festive spirits, know you are not alone. We are all doing the best we can and walking each other home, as Ram Dass wrote. Come sit with me, Miss Sophie will make room, and we’ll warm our toes by the fire and sit quietly and we will be okay. And if tomorrow is a day of new beginnings for you, I wish you all the best. Some of us will be celebrating the dawning of a New Year and some will be thankful for making it another day and some folks will be somewhere in between. AND ALL OF THAT IS OKAY.

Grace.

Wishing you all a good night’s rest, the energy to get up tomorrow, and the still quiet of peace settled in your heart today and in all the days to come.

Love to all.

May we all take the words to my much loved and missed friend Denise to heart today and every day–“What people in our community need the most is for us to slow down and love each other.”