This isn’t your “that’s not a knife,” no sirs and ma’ams. This list is lines from movies that are so utilitarian they have sneaked, in whatever paraphrased form, into my actual script o’ life. To qualify, they not only have to roll like Skippy 100% Natural, and they have to have an under-the-radar secret memory smile to them.

Recognizable, sure, some of them, but they weren’t the taglines on any posters. Google was not molested to ensure their accuracy, they’re presented as I remember—and use them.

1. “Come friends, let us away.” Martin Sheen’s not-president character in The American President. USE: When you’re in a group of people doing that “where should we go eat, are we getting in cars, can someone make a plan please?”

2. “That’s a decision every girl has got to make for herself.” Clueless. What. Come at me. Cher, talking about Tai’s virginity, I think. USE: To agree to disagree, to aid and abet questionable taste—yours, or otherwise.

3.“Why am I back here on brain detail?” Infinitely quotable, Pulp Fiction. But this is the most infinitely usable scrap from the Martin’s brains scene. USE: Hello, charmingly friend, can you lend a hand here on this disgusting task that should be more your bag than mine, hey and thanks!

4. “Yeah. I hate bugs.” More a cautionary reminder to myself from the “what should our prom theme be?” scene in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. USE: When you find yourself making a particularly inane and insufferably vapid proclamation, scold yourself with this.

5. “This is it. Don’t get scared now.” The Kevin McAllister mantra of bravery, Home Alone. USE: Constantly, in situations of peril.

Honorable Mention: “Put. The bunny. Down.” One of the finest American action films with an unbelievable cast. Con Air. From the belly of the plane scene? I remember fire. USE: Cease your irritation of me and your overstepping of my patience and cut it OUT.

SO? Come at me with your quotes. It’d be a whole lot cooler if you did…

I will! I will!

1. "Well, this is all very good news. And this is empty."

From "Where the Buffalo Roam," a semi-forgotten 1980 classic in which Bill Murray plays Hunter S. Thompson SO WELL. This line is typically deployed when, well, something is very good news; the "this is empty" part is a vestigial remnant from the film (where it refers, as it happens, to an empty cocaine vial) and no longer carries any meaning, but sticks around because it was there originally. Like an appendix or male nipples.

2. "I get very greedy with my supplies once we're airborne."

Same movie. Used whenever there is a fixed quantity of something and you've offered some up, for the last time.

3. "I will not be ignored, Dan."

From "Fatal Attraction," of course. Used to overdramatize situations in which someone is not giving you your proper heed. Example: You're talking to someone who is watching TV/playing on their phone/asleep and they aren't listening to you.

4. "I shouldn't have drunk all that cough syrup this morning."

Bill Murray again, this time in "Stripes," one of those movies I've seen a double digits number of times. Used whenever one groggily does something stupid, i.e., turns on empty coffee maker, puts keys in fridge.

5. "This kind of thing is very common in show business."

Not from a movie, actually, but from "Seinfeld," a Quote Factory in its own right. I tend to break this out whenever I am telling The Wife about some perceived incident of flirting with some girl in the world. She has her own ideas about whether any actual flirting ever occurs.

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, referring to Wallace Shawn's "inconceivable" but useful for any vocabulary misuse. Spanish accent required.

"I am Jack's complete lack of surprise" from The Fight Club. I usually say it when I hear that one of my friends have done something horribly assy.

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!" -- the super quotable Bill Murray, this time from Ghostbusters. I use it like this, "I went to Trader's Joe and it was crazy in there. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!"

I too, use "You're terrible Muriel" with some frequency. Sadly my movie-quoting has fallen off precipitously since I no longer live with a gay roommate. Whenever anyone says "Congratulations" I still add (silently, in my head) "ya thick bitch" from The Snapper.

my faves are "you got knocked the FUCK OUT" from friday. USE: funny when someone gets knocked out"you're a virgin who can't drive" from cluelessUSE: funny when someone is a virgin and can't drive or just to say bc it's funny

"You're killing me, Smalls!" - The Sandlot. Used frequently for when when people are being idiotic.

My stepsister and I also quote any and all lines from Top Gun to each other. Out loud. In public. I think we've probably run most of the movie's dialogue in bars. Favorites seems to be "Take me to bed or lose me forever!" and "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!"

Breakfast Club: "Screws fall out all the time; the world's an imperfect place". --whenver someone complains about something going wrong that was out of control and/or is slight/stupid to complain about.

also Breakfast Club: "Two hits: me hitting you, you hitting the floor". whenever someone is up in your face about something and obvi you're going to win so their threat is stupid.

About Me

TK lives and works in San Francisco. He occasionally travels to places east of the Caldecott Tunnel, but not very often. His interests include bars, reality TV, and irony. Things seem to be going fine.