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Thursday, March 22, 2012

We decided to do some remodeling and are going to have new hardwood floors installed [good bye ugly carpet and white and navy tile!] So, the guys dropped off the wood so it could get acclimated to the house. Prior to this, my Saturday morning consisted of some long ranting about how dirty and dusty the house is. [some people have said that our home is far from dirty, however, I admit I have some serious issues with over-doing it on the house cleaning. I will also admit after I have cleaned often the smell of bleach will linger off of my hands for days. I have issues, I know] Anyone who has lived with me knows that a glass in the sink, a dust ball in the corner of a floor, dog hair on carpet or anywhere things are out of place can set me into a spiralling furry of misery. I become another person with an overwhelming need to clean. I can't explain how happy I am when I know everything is in it's place and I can sit back and enjoy my home.

Ok, enough about that nonsense [that's me avoiding further discussion about my cleaning habits] and on to the wood. So, I was in one of those frenzies this weekend and after scrubbing the house I moved onto putting clothes away which lead to pulling clothes out of my youngest son's room, clothes that he could no longer fit in and filling a bag to give these clothes away when my oldest son came in with the look of either just having done something horrible, or witnessing something horrible. He looked at me with a smirk, then carefully did not make eye contact and said "did you see the mess down there?" My response was "I can't look! Wait how bad is it? Are they ripping things apart?" Then he quietly said "you will have to look for yourself". And so I finished putting the clothes in the bag [another issue---I can't leave anything unfinished] I marched down the stairs and looked in the living room. There in a neat pile off to the side sat about 20 boxes of wood. [what the heck was this boy talking about?] There really wasn't a mess. There were a lot of boxes in our living room, but far from a mess. And it hit me, just like a wooden board to the head, I AM INSANE! Everyone was fearful of my response to these boards. Everyone was worried I would have a melt down over some boxes piled in our living room. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? There are definitely worst things in this world, only thing here is that my family felt that to me this would be the worst thing in the world.

I face challenges daily, I assist others with challenges they face daily, I care a lot about the outcome of how these challenges are handled, and I certainly do not see boxes of wood as a challenge. Yet, others see me caring about these boxes, A LOT!! And so, it makes me wonder how I am perceived in this world? And does it matter?

Well, yes it matters. Where does it leave me? Not yelling about wood in my living room, not freaking about the glass left in the sink, not yelling that my laundry doesn't just jump into drawers after it's been washed and folded. It leaves me feeling a bit ashamed and willing to change. [just a little] I will refrain from the screaming not the cleaning. I realize it is my issue not my families. And maybe I will try to approach some other things this way, actually when you think about it most things that make us upset come from some sort of idea in OUR own minds that things should be a certain way. If you really take a look at some recent disagreements or recent disputes it does make sense. Not to say that we should allow unfair or unjust things to occur and we need to compromise our values, we just may need to realize that we see certain things from a specific perspective and that perspective may not be the same as others. And that is ok. That is what makes us, well us.

As I attempt to say goodbye to that mean lady who visits approximately once [ok or 3 or 5 times] a week, I will learn to whistle while I work or do it when no one is home!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

My last posting was Feb. 17th, I have been a true slacker in this part of my world [sorry]. I won't make excuses [but here they are anyway] I am crazy busy with work, I am trying to run on a consistent basis, I only have approximately 1.0 hours of free time in my life lately and I have spent that time fixed on the television. Yes, television. It has sucked me in. My DVR is full nightly with recordings. So what am I watching? My tv palooza begins on Sunday's [PRIME NIGHT] I watch/DVR Khloe and Lamar (they are so cute together); Californication; House of Lie's; Shameless. I move onto to whatever night American Idol is on (I don't even like many of the contestants this year I just feel obligated to watch). Thursday [here comes the confession] Jersey Shore. By the way Snookie is pregnant! [ I am so worried for that poor baby NOT Snookie the real baby growing inside that body, let's just hope she can stop drinking and smoking for 9 months at least! And I am fearful that if she jersey turnpike's too much that baby will fall right out! So I hope she stops that also.]

These television shows have certainly entertained me and I have to say at times I have even felt guilty for watching and promoting the ratings for each of these shows. However, I keep watching. Anyway, these shows have raised my eyebrows one too many times for me not to talk about the behaviors I see. First, Jersey Shore, these people are making approximately one hundred thousand dollars per episode. They drink, sleep, dance, sleep with each other, eat, drink, party, drink, sleep, dance....you get the point here. They DON'T WORK!!! The story lines in the other shows which are not reality shows, but still the other shows promote all types of horrible behaviors, drug use, lies, sex, alcohol, more sex, more lies, more drug use. Honestly, Khloe and Lamar are angels compared to the other shows I watch! Even when Khloe decked out a bedroom with sex toys including a sex swing! However, they are married and they are not drunk or stoned (I hope)! Ok, American Idol, how could I find something wrong here, well first these people who stand in front of millions of viewers have absolute melt downs and express that this one event in life holds the key to all of their happiness. I am really worried about these people after they get voted off! Yet , I WATCH [ the more I write this stuff the more I want to boycott].

Again I raise the question "what is going on in society?" I mean lately it seems everywhere I look there is crisis, turmoil, immoral behaviors. Teenagers gone wild, adults well sometimes even more wild. Has society lost some sort of brain circuit where we have condoned and allowed our youth and ourselves to accept immoral behaviors as normal? Have we all lost our minds? Is it because of these shows? Is it because life is so stressful people let loose in really bad ways? Am I only noticing all of this because it's posted everywhere we look, or because of my profession or because of my age?

Whatever the reason is, I can only say that I have thought long and hard about what this all means for me as a mom raising my children in this society. One it is my responsibility to teach my children, and two, I can not predict what the future holds for either of them. My sister read me an excerpt from a book that she is reading where the author stated something to the effect that no one would believe that she would turn out to the woman she is today when they looked at her at the age of 14-15 etc...I couldn't agree more. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE would ever predict that my future would be this positive [ looking back there were def. a few weekend night's in my early twenties that I would have been mistaken for a jersey shore cast member...and I have to admitt I have practiced my own version of jersey turnpiking just in case I get the opportunity to go clubbing again!] however, my point here is simply 1. we need to educate our youth [any of the kids we come into contact with] that life should be enjoyed, but we also have to keep our morals and we need to teach those morals. 2. We need to step back and look at our own morals. 3. We need to focus on what our own set of morals are and speak up to others, there is nothing wrong with voicing our opinions! And finally, we can't control others, yes even our children have the right to make their own choices, we can merely give them the tools to make the right decisions.

To use a quote from one of my all time favorite books and in honor of his birthday [late again I know but I had to pay tribute even late as I usually am] You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street. by Dr. Seuss

And so I will pass this on to my children and encourage them to make the right decisions each step of the way, I will pass it on to the youth I work with and encourage them to make the right decisions each step of the way. The right decisions, will be the right one's for them. Maybe nothing is wrong with society maybe everything, maybe we just need to change how we look at it? Whatever the answer is I can only say that I will do my part to teach my kids to look over each decision and make the one best for them. OFF to set the DVR!