The Cane: Not Exactly a Love Story

PublishedJanuary 18, 2013

Since I recently shot my School Strokes interview at Real Spankings, I uploaded a couple of the photos to my Fetlife profile. I tend to do this: I like to show off what I’ve been up to, and I get to direct attention towards the awesome companies that I’m lucky enough to work with.

The inclusion of these caning photos sparked a small conversation: do I like being caned or not? I gave the shortest answer I could possibly give, since this conversation was being conducted via photo comments: “I have a love/hate relationship with the cane.” I guess this didn’t answer people’s questions. I got several private messages asking me to explain what, exactly, that means. I’m choosing to do so here. 🙂

For one thing, caning is a lower proximity activity than an OTK spanking and is therefore less comforting to me. This is not to say that it is uncomfortable. It just doesn’t carry the same warm, safe feeling that being OTK gives me. Caning also has trouble escaping its formal roots, and it doesn’t lend itself to being relaxing because of this. These things place caning farther away from the circle of comfort for me and therefore, for more intense caning scenes, requires a greater amount of trust in my partner.

There’s also the fact that caning lends itself well to intensity and, even when not done severely, it is usually paced in a way that feels concentrated and deliberate. The pacing does a lot for me. It makes each stroke very significant. It slows the world down, and can make a time frame of less than a minute in which six strokes are delivered feel like a very long time.

Canes hurt in a very unique way. They tend to build. A few seconds after the initial impact, there’s that second, deeper pain. Individual strokes feel like pinching or biting combined with a bit of a punch instead of the traditional stinging, swatting, burning feeling of small headed implements like hairbrushes or wooden spoons (the implements that I favor) or the “knocks the wind out of you,” full bodied pain which accompanies a thuddy implement like a frat paddle. Cane strokes often create welts, which may take longer to heal and which hold in the pain for a while in a way that is different than other spankings.

Is all this good or bad? Why can’t you just answer the question, Alex?It’s both. I feel my heart in my chest when someone that I enjoy being spanked by instructs me to get a cane, or when he holds one menacingly between his hands, flexing it and taunting me. I’ve been brought to tears simply by the sound of a cane being whooshed back and forth or colliding with the mattress as a demonstration. It scares me. It intimidates me. With someone I know and trust, I like that. I like how much I don’t like the way a caning feels. I like being instructed to get into position for an implement that I’d never in a thousand years select for myself if I was given a set of choices. I like it when it pleases Malignus to cane me. He went on a “kick” for a particular cane at one point, and would grab me and bring me into the bedroom for it multiple times a day, just arbitrarily, because he liked hitting me with it. As much as I didn’t actually enjoy the caning (it often brought tears to my eyes), I loved how much he was enjoying doing it. Getting something which sort of scares me, which sort of pushes boundaries, which wouldn’t be my first choice makes me feel wonderfully submissive. The afterglow of a caning is always filled with adrenaline, some level of endorphines and pride.

Another think which I actually like about caning is its ability to overwhelm me. This is something I’ve talked about before. I like it, in certain contexts, when a spanking can overwhelm me and push me beyond my usual level of resistance. I like feeling all my energy used up. I like feeling the fight go out of me. Especially when used after other implements, hard cane strokes can really do this to me. In fact, two of my most significant subspace experiences involved caning, and I’m forever appreciative towards cane-kind for that.

So, in summary, it’s both. Yes, I’ve stomped my foot and thrown a big protest at the announcement that I was going to be caned, and no, I can’t think of a time when I said “You know what I’d like? The cane!” but at the same time, I have nothing but warm feelings… especially those coming in the form of lines.

Head over to Real Spankings to see my interview for more cane-conversation. ♥

I just viewed the real strokes video at Real Spankings. You did a great job taking that caning — especially the last cane.

I also like the sub-title to your blog post: “not exactly a love story.” Reminds me of the voice at the beginning of 500 Days of Summer when he says “This is a story of boy meets girl. But it is not a love story” or words to that effect.

I also have a love-hate-relationship with the cane, Alex! I love to wield it on someone else, but I hate to be on the receiving end of it. 😉 Okay, joking aside. I don’t only love wielding it, I also love its class and the beautiful marks the cane produces when I am on the receiving end. I am not so fond of the stingy pain, though, except for the times when I have gotten into the flow. I definitely need enough time in between the strokes or at least between sets of strokes in order not to lose my grip.

Thanks for your comment! I actually find yielding a cane to be far too intimidating for me. I just don’t have the prowess as a Top to do it right, I don’t think. :/ And I hear you about needing time! I think I’ve asked for a break to catch my breath during canings about ten times more often than during any other kind of scene!

Loved this post and I agree with a lot of it. I also have a love/hate relationship with the cane. I hate it while it is in use(most of the time…on a really warmed-up bottom it is occasionally nice) but I do so love the marks/welts after the fact. Now if only I could figure out a way to get the after effects without the during part 😉

All implements are acquired tastes, but the cane especially so, I think. The more experience you have, the easier it is to take. But that fear when you’re still new to it is one of the hottest things on the planet.

I’m a fan of thick canes, personally – that whippy slicing sting from thin ones is itchy and horrid and unpleasant. Cane love for me is all about the deep thud from a thick, heavy cane, that bites into your butt and throbs and burns and aches and glows.

I hear you on needing space between strokes. It’s not because it hurts more, I don’t think, but because it hurts slower. Personally I love the subtle sensations of that slow-developing pain, like petals gradually unfurling or some such. The pain from each stroke rises and takes a little while to peak, and then ebbs away, and each moment is different. I love that. But to properly savour the sensations, enough time between strokes is definitely recommended!

That said, one of my favourite kinky headrushes at the moment is to take 6 cane strokes straight after the other, as fast as possible. Wowser! Best stimulant in the world 🙂

Oh no! So much comment delay. I fail!I can certainly get into the cold-caning if the story of the scene is very formal and intimidating. I think it just takes a lot of headspace to get me there. I also greatly agree with the phrasing “it hurts slower.” Nail on the head, right there!

Watched all the latest posts at RSN featuring you. All I can say is WOW!A bare school swats and school caning in one visit? Ms. Alex I am impressed!I really liked the RSI scene with your strapping as well, you’re cute as hell as you play your role and try to get out of being punished. You are one of the few models that I almost would rather watch your facial expressions than your beautiful bottom as you get swatted. LOVE watching the emotions you show on your face! That said I think you are cute and sexy as hell and I hope you continue on your spanking model journey!

That’s a great explanation. I love/hate it too. 2 years ago if I was asked about the cane I’d say “no way! Hard limit!” because it is very intimidating. Pictures I’d see of caning all seemed so severe and I’m a big wuss. But a trustworthy top friend got me to give it a try and I’m glad I did. It is one of my favorite implements now when I want to fall into that mind-fucked headspace. Still intimidating, not intolerable.

well i want feel the cane soon i hope doesnt hurt as bad lol but io have feeling it would it be real eye opener and help me learn the lesson real quick and make me really think about my behavior i did that cause me to be cane lol maybe u can hold my hands and watch as i get cane by female then kiss my butt after ward lol joking

Good EveningThe cane is the traditional English punishment.^ strokes given in quick succession is not niceWhy not try it across your jeans to give you some protection and have the caner space them out so you really savour each whack?

I must confess to loving the cane! It’s the most noble of CP implements – so simple, versatile, yet potentially devastatingly effective. It’s capable of such enormous variety – challenging to deliver, painful to watch, yet (after a while….) pure heaven to receive. The visual impact is like nothing else (fascinating to watch the stripes and bruises grow and fade) and its audible signature so evocative – one of the first fetish books I bought was The Song of the Cane.

Although I grew up in the English school environment, I’m convinced the English school caning stereotype has an awful lot to answer for! Yes, the cane can be used severely, but it’s so limiting to restrict it to discipline or punishment scenes – it can be savoured as a fun implement. Oh, and six of the best is such a cruel number to stop at, just as the Bottom is getting in tune!

The cane can be modulated in a myriad of ways – a good build-up and warm-up allows one to savour and appreciate the different signatures – weight, length, intensity, timing, thudiness or stinginess, parallel strokes or crossed strokes, the varied sensations felt on the different areas of the bottom or the thighs (or the back or the soles….) Paddles and so on have a limited repertoire in comparison.For me when bottoming, it’s the one implement that with a top who connects well can get me to that delicious floaty, dreamy place – the sort of Groundhog Day where I’m perpetually begging “One more, please!”

Yes, the cane has an awesome reputation and must be used safely. It’s a great leveller – lovely to see a Top of slight stature dishing out a hard caning. I’m not a tough bottom (not enough padding  ) and, yes, I still get those butterflies in the stomach prior to a caning, but the rewards are there – particularly if you can banish existing anxieties and preconceptions and begin to “grow with your canes”.

First and foremost, I’m a girl who loves being spanked. It’s at the very center of my being. I’m also a professional spanking model, which means I get to do what I love for my job. I’m twenty six years old, and currently located in Los Angeles when I’m not traveling around on my adventures. My vanilla interests include poetry, film history, academia, Pokemon, indie music, baby animals, baking and cooking, collecting vintage clothes and lots of cuddling.