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Monday, May 4, 2009

A Night to Remember

You guys, do you want me to look like an idiot? I'm sitting in my free period, moaning and holding my hand to my heart. All from reading the beautiful comments you left on last night's blog. I didn't expect anyone to say anything because it was so depressing-- I didn't really expect anyone to read it, even, because it was so long. But you all prove, once again, to be far better than I will ever be. I can't even convey how much your responses meant to me. A big hug to Tessa, Jordiekins (who's a boy?! His username is so normal for a girl, so I didn't think anything of it, but it's CUTE for a boy!), megkatjo, Phyllis, Cynthia, Faith, Katie, Bigred719, Daniel, Allyson, SnakesAndWorms, valerie2776, Leah (lessthanthree), Jordan, Tom, Nicholas, Karissa (who saw Bloody Red Heart!) Randi, Ginger, Hayley, sparkletasia, Rosianna (my soulsister), Callie, Rebecca, Leesa, VicMorrowsGhost, Brad, Kim, A.J. James, Catherine, Katy J, intothesunshine, Joanne, Adrienne, Joy Isobel, Lori, Elrich89, Kaitlin, Margo (Is that your real name? If it is, YOU'RE SO LUCKY. If it's just a nod to John Green, you're still awesome), Rachel, Gavin, an anonymous reader, and Gabby, who's incredible, considering our relationship's roots. I'll end the sappy shout-outs with an enormous, all-consuming, everlasting hug for Becky, who left the most heartwrenching comment I've ever received. I love you guys.

I don't really want to write about my prom, but I figure it's a record worth having, so I'll try to get it out. Okay, so the day started with getting my hair and makeup done. I wasn't crazy about the final product of my hair, but I had no issues with it. I hated wearing that makeup, though. I didn't look anything like myself, and it was both freaky and weirdly upsetting. I tried to avoid eye contact with myself and got pumped to later step into my craaazy dress that I positively adore. Some people (mostly those who are interested in fashion or like standing out) were big fans, but most reviews were openly confused, if not negative. One of my friends' boyfriends-- a guy I'm friends with, and admire for being typically kind-- said, and I quote, "Hey, Hayley. You look... interesting." My friend, Sarah, laughed out loud when she saw it and mockingly asked if she could borrow it. Another good friend told me, flat out, that she didn't like it, but liked me anyway. Despite how I'm making it sound, my feelings were in no way hurt over all that. I think it's kind of funny.

In line for Promenade, I told my date all the things I said yesterday about our English. He told me I was making a big deal over nothing. Then, like a sitcom, on cue walks in our English teacher from last year, who promptly takes to hugging me passionately and saying how much she loves and misses me. Talk about contrast!

Dinner was okay. I was mostly left to chaperone the boys at my table to make sure they didn't make fun of my flamboyant (yes, obnoxious to the extreme, but in my eyes, lovable) friend, at one point throwing a roll at one of their heads. They both lost serious respect points with me for that. Adding to his tally of lost respect, one of them (the boy who earlier said I looked interesting) and his girlfriend proceeded to moodily grope and eye-roll in each other's laps all night. Give me a break! I can't believe I was grateful that the music started playing and dinner was over.

I spent the majority of the dance portion positioned awkwardly in front of my date, cringing and swaying slightly to the beat of frightening rap music, while my peers literally held a lapdance competition on my right. I swear, the human race is devolving. They're so animalistic and overtly sexual, even in front of our assistant principal! The goal of a dress is to cover those body parts! The goal of music is to be heard, not thudded violently through the body at an incomprehensible volume! I danced in arm's length of my date just long enough for him to kiss me excitedly and terribly, taking care to do so when as many people as possible were watching. Let me tell you-- nothing is less sexy than wearing a princess gown in the middle of a student body orgy, and no first kiss is less innocent and sweet than one given by attack to the 8 Mile soundtrack.

The last nail was pounded forcefully into the coffin, by way of strappy silver high heel, at After Prom. First, I had to sit outside in a tube top, visibly shivering, while my date looked like an idiot and smoked a cheap cigar with ultimate pride, like, Look how manly I am! I smell like Old Spice, geriatrics and cancer! When we finally went inside, a group of tired chaperones gave us the fish eye, sizing us up and down to silently determine whether we were boozing, hitting up, or sexing. For me, it was none of the above, but their glares somehow made me feel dirty regardless. For the rest of the night, until three or so when I begged my date to take me home, I listened to some sophomore boys' band sing off-key versions of whiny white boy soft rock, watched my classmates prance their cellulite around in swimsuits, and thoroughly lost a game of "I've never." On the bright side, there was a TON of food, and-- I'm NOT making this up-- there were chips and salsa catered by Chipotle. I jauntily consumed a teeny, tiny amount whilst listening to my date tell me how "People should only eat Chipotle about twice a year, because it loses its appeal." Yikes, kid. Not your best move. To punctuate that statement, he took my plate from me mid-bite, bored, and insisted that we relocate. OUCH! Anyone wanna desert Team Andrew? See what I mean now?

I walked inside as quickly as possible so I wouldn't have to experience the wrath of his mouth again, and just stood in my hallway for a minute in the pitch black, letting it soak in. On the bright side, I will never, ever, ever, ever have to do that again. On the smudgy side, I had eyeliner ingrained in my skin and was practically too exhausted to make it upstairs. I did, and fell asleep without so much as washing my face besides a few quick swipes of a washcloth. I awoke the next day at noon. My sister made me waffles.

And that, kids, was the so-advertised "night of my dreams" that High School Musical 3 and SeventeenMagazine love to talk about.

104 comments:

I think prom is just one of those things that always looks better in the movies. Actually, most things look better in the movies. (Hair when you get out of the water at the beach, boys playing basketball, etc.)

"And that, kids, was the so-advertised "night of my dreams" that High School Musical 3 and Seventeen Magazine love to talk about."hahahaha... oh hayley, u never fail to dissapoint.yeahhh i totally get what ur saying about the whole so-called "dancing". like you can even call it that. pfff, seriously, ppl these days have zero class. its so revolting. like really, nobody wants to see that.

I know what you mean about prom. It was just kind of overrated. Anything that is built up that much is just fated to suck. But I think having bad prom stories is a rite of passage that we all have to go through.

Not many things are what people build them up to be. I remember my senior year of high school, I was excited because it was supposed to be the best year of my life. Then my parents said to me, "If this is the best year of your life, then we failed raising you as a child. You will do many better and much more exciting things in life and none of them will resemble high school."

And that, is exactly why I'm not going to Prom. Wow... sounds like you didn't have one great night. Movies and T.V. always play up the "thrill" and excitement of Prom. And now I think we understand better why you don't want to be with that guy. There are PLENTY of better guys in the world... by far. Well, hope you have a great 15 days left of school! Make the best out of it. Don't take it for granted, and have fun. (Yes! It IS possible.)

This made me laugh. I'm sorry your prom was such a nightmare. Where I live the schools have a ball, not prom. At the beginning of the school year normally. I had A LOT more fun at my ball then what you describe you had and i didn't even have a date. It wasn't like you described at all. I'm glad i didn't have to experience public high school in America.

I agree that prom is most definately an over hyped night of almost-fornication and hideous music, but hey at least you got to see what you can compare other bad nights to. Also, maybe your English teacher reads your blog.Maybe I'm your English teacher.

Yes, prom is sort of overrated. I went this year, even though I'm a freshman in college, because my boyfriend is a high school senior. I wish I wouldn't have. It made me realize that perhaps I don't miss high school as much as I thought I did.

And taking your chipotle away from you? He definitely forgot to be awesome.

And that's why I skipped out of prom Saturday night. I went to homecoming one year with two of my friends, and we all ended up going home two hours early. Well, we went outside and waited for our ride for 45 minutes, but that was the most fun I had all night. Prom's pretty much the same, except people make a bigger deal of it. Though I really can't fathom why...

Oh, wow. All in all, I would say that, uh, my Senior Prom was better. Or at least I had a nice prize for getting through it.

Re: the bad music and the dancing. I've found it's easier to just... give up and go with it. The point isn't to be sexy. It's to mock sexy. And that's how I got to grind with Lysander-- because we were mocking the grinding genre. We ended up doing a Von Trapp kind of over-the-shoulder thing. It was adorable.

Oh, fun fact: his name is Jonathan. Not Donovan. That's the downside to yelling over loud music, I guess.

Being a guy, I must say I vehemently, VEHEMENTLY disagree about the dancing. Just because. It's awesome. It's whatever though; your descriptions of it are hilarious.

But anyway. This sounds so much like YA fiction. I am not like accusing you of making it up, but you're writing is so good, and the situation is so perfectly dysfunctional teenagery. I really hope we get to see your actual fiction someday because I can only imagine how good it would be. But this is fine for now and a perfect way to express your daily life. I just really, really like this blog.

I'm sorry your prom experience wasn't all you hoped it would be. Mine wasn't either. I suppose I will tell you about it in a comment for entertainment purposes for you and further procrastination for me. You don't have to read this if you don't want to.

Getting my hair done is always an awkward affair for me because I am so quiet. I always see people talking so animatedly with their hair stylists about things that looks so interesting. What on earth do they talk about? Perhaps one day I will find out. Anyway, the hair stylist got angry that I had washed my hair the night before (apparently you aren't supposed to do that, but I didn't get the memo) and asked 3 other hair stylists to come over and help her shove an obscene amount of bobby pins into my head (you know you've got a good grip when it enters the scalp). So then I was stuck not talking to 4 hair stylists instead of the usual 1.

Skip makeup part (because I don't want to relive it) to dinner at my friends house because we are cheap and didn't want to pay for a meal. Our prom theme was Masquerade and instead of spending a lot of time making masks that would match our dresses we bought ninja turtle masks at the grocery store the night before and wore those to prom instead. The masks and dinner at my friend's house were the only good parts about that night.

Afterprom was not fun at all. We went to Dave & Busters which is the arcade/bowling place and stayed there until 5am. We all wanted to leave, but I have parents that like to be involved so they were chaperons and couldn't take me home.

Then I went home, took all the bobby pins out of my hair, drove to lake Houston and did a triathlon with my family. The things I do for them...

Promenade sounds like a drink... maybe some type of overly spiked lemonade normally served at prom.Anyway, I didn't go to prom, instead I went to a party my friend was throwing called, "you can only miss your senior prom once party." Long title, but much better than any dance could possibly be.

I'm pretty sure that is exactly what my prom will look like."WasteTimeChasingCars" from YT used the old 5AG theme song (from iMovie) at the end of his video and it just seemed...wrong. So, I unsubscribed (not to you girls, to him) because I'll always be a loyal 5AG fan.I LOVE 5AG! :-)

Sophomore year my best friend and I had a FAUX prom in which we dressed up and had fancy dinner and took funny pictures.

I loved that night so much more than my Senior prom night. If i could do over, i'd do it over.

Oh and Hayley, I witnessed something in public today that made me immediately think of your annoyances videos. Mother's in daughters clothing, especially shirts with Disney(Tinkerbell etc.) characters that show off 'midriff'.

Prom is never what the movies make it out to be, alas. Sorry about that. Now, when do we get to see this "interesting" dress of yours?

Oh, and I read yesterday's blog tonight. Sorry about the heavy backpack you're having to carry. I remember when my church made the preacher swap. Yada yada yada, I don't have a church to call home anymore when I visit the hometown, because mine died a slow death--name and all. I have yet to trust a church since, which is depressing in and of itself. Change is hard, but you're a strong gal. You'll pull through, no doubt. Hang in there, kiddo. :)

Also, in reference to a previous post, I WAS an English major (it is one of my foci now) and some of my worst grades in college have been in English courses. It's a cruel irony, I know. In the fall I am retaking an English course just to get rid of a D so I can raise my GPA in time for graduation. It's frustrating when something you're passionate about kicks your ass eventually. That's how my first major in music was as well.

Sigh. I don't have a point. Just know that it happens to the best of us, so don't get down on yourself.

I went to both my semi's but didn't go to either one of my prom's. And a year later I still don't regret it.

I hate rap music. I refuse to "grind" and look stupid for not. What ever happened to old fashion DANCING. Its literally like sex with clothes on. It totally looks better in the movies.

Everyone builds it up to be this amazing thing and leaves disappointed. I had to pick up my drunk friend during prom. Here I was in my pj's,uggs and hair a mess. Everyone looked at me like I ridiculous.

HAHA Hayley, you never cease to amaze me :) you are too funny! i am glad that the well wishes of us all helped raise your mood a little! As for prom, i second what Natasha wrote about everything being better in the movies! I know i dont look glorious when i wake up in the morning.. and my graduation was nothing like the movies! Thanks heaps for sharing it with us all :)xxHayley

Prom is so overrated. It's so tacky in England. I've been to two, yes two. We had one when we left school and one when we left college and they were both completely rubbish. They were the most boring nights of my life I think.With regards to that guy saying you looked 'interesting', I'm willing to bet that you looked absolutely beautiful.

Because of the time difference, it's 5am in England. I can sleep now I've read the daily installment of Hayley Hoover.Good night Hayley.

your description of prom totally reminded me of something John Green would write. basically, you're awesome. and thanks to you, i can now fully accept and be glad of the fact that i didn't go to either my junior prom or my senior ball.

HAYLEYSAIDMYUSERNAMEISCUTE.Story time! I was in desperate need of a username four years ago so I asked a lot of my friends for suggestions. The girl I was madly in love with suggested that and I kind of had to use it. Ooh, that's fun to say... kindofhadtokindofhadto.

For the record I think it is pretty safe to say that All of us here are TEAM HAYLEY and Team Andrew should have never talked shit about Chipotle...

secondly... I didn't Go to my Senior prom, My Junior prom was such a wonderfully depressing disaster (Including but not limited to, a date that made out with another guy in the limo on the way TO PROM!) that I avoided my senior prom altogether.

On the lighter side My girlfriend and I back then went to both her Winter Ball and Prom the year after I graduated... That was much better. WE are all here because we all adore you... WE may only know the HGH portion of you, but it is safe to say we adore it.

Don't worry, Hayley, I think prom is a disappointment for everyone. At least I know it was for me and a lot of my friends.

Also, as cliche as this may sound, I just really want you to know that things ARE going to get better. I loved highschool only because of my group of close friends. Honestly, there were about ten people in that school that I adored and everyone else was just sort of there. I could tolerate them for the most part, but they were just so not me and I really had very little respect for them. But I've just finished my second year of University, and I can honestly say that things get better! Because universities are so big and there are so many diverse people around, you can surround yourself with people that are like you. People that you share common interests or morals or life goals with. And everyone else is easily ignored, because you aren't thrust into countless awkward social situations with them, the way that you are in highschool. So trust me, if you never want to see people lapdancing on a dance floor again, you will never have to. It is a beautiful thing.

Never thought that a girl's perspective of the big night could be so interesting to read.

The part that I remember most about our prom is not the prom itself, but what happened after the prom.

I remember the ride to the After Prom party at the bowling alley and the fact that we didn't have enough room in the car, so we put the smallest one in the group inside the trunk. That itself turned into a high speed race down the US 101 (in California) at 2am. That must have been awkward for the guy in the trunk.

The rest of the night will be left to the imagination, for it wouldn't be age appropriate for the readers of this blog.

My prom experience was similar to yours. Well, similar in that I didn't enjoy prom. I suppose the actual elements that lead to my dissatisfaction were different. I disliked prom because I was in a group with people that I had never talked to before, the exception being my then girlfriend. And I had to deal with their idiot-antics for several hours and then had to be up early the next morning to work the opening shift.

I guess the point of this comment is larger than I originally intended. I wanted to tell you that prom is over-glorified event that rarely, if ever lives up to expectations. And that you aren't the only one who didn't enjoy their prom. And you have my empathy.

Also I guess I was inadvertently pointing out that there are ways in which your prom could have been at least marginally worse, so you can take solace in that fact.

Sorry for the overly long comment. I don't even know if I accomplished what I set out to say, but it makes sense. I tend to ramble.

I have to agree with Natasha. I' so sorry you had a crappy night, but a little silver lining, you made me feel better about the fact that I've never benn to a dance even resembling prom.

Thanks Hayley!also - "nothing is less sexy than wearing a princess gown in the middle of a student body orgy, and no first kiss is less innocent and sweet than one given by attack to the 8 Mile soundtrack." - this has to be one of the best sentances I have ever read. I know that English and writing is already your thing, but I just wanted to say I hope you NEVER give up on that,

becuase It's going to be one of the highlights of my life (and yours I'm sure) when your books are sitting on my bookshelf next to John Green (In my book by nerdfighters section... which I am totally starting right now)

Prom, I've found, is really only something that you enjoy if a. you're into the sort of overtly sexual dancing that comes with it, or b. you have some degree of control over what is going on.

(Non-recommended prom activity number one: Allow yourself to go through the motions of others.)

Of the two above categories, I belonged to neither. Heck, I didn't even actually dance with my date, just my crush at the time, Lauren.

(Non-recommended prom activity number one: Spend the whole time focusing on who you'd rather be spending the time with.)

The only part of my senior prom that I enjoyed was leaving it and going to my friend's bonfire. It was a small group, and a fun one, where we just sat around watching wood burn and talking about how stupid the rest of the night was.

(Recommended post-prom activity number one: Change your shoes and medicate your crappy night with something you enjoy, such as a bonfire, bowling, or something of the like.)

Eventually I took my date home, and we never spoke again. Just not interested, really. Fairly mutual thing. I went home, threw on a baggy T-Shirt, and played video games. The next morning, I spent with my mom and dad.

(Recommended post-prom activity number two: End with something nerdy and do something involving family. Like waffles. :D)

So I was typing that above smiley, and originally I used two parentheses at the end of the sentence, resulting in a double-mouthed smiley. Creepy.

Prom was only the night of my dreams in the sense that half of what I did made no sense in the context of the rest of my life. Hope you're glad to be past it, and may you never experience another.

I spent my prom talking to my sick date (and best friend) while waiting for enough time to pass to leave. Then again, the alternative was trying to find a friend-group of classmates I never bothered getting to know that I could hang out and dance with.

Honestly, the best part of my prom was meeting up at our friend's house afterward to watch Degrassi: The Next Generation (if you're a fan, I think it was the episode when Caitlyn left Joey for her job. Oh, Canadian melodrama.).That or the fact that it rained and I had an excuse to play TWO different versions of my favorite song from "Grease." (The soundtrack version and the punk cover by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes.).

I didn't enjoy my senior prom either. My date (the guy I'd been dating for three years) didn't even ask me to dance. hmm maybe *I* should make a blog entry about this. I'd love to see a picture of your dress.

My senior prom was a similar experience. My friends and I rented a cheap limo, drank sparkling grape juice, and bobbed our heads awkwardly to Lil' Wayne. But hey, we had actual camels because of our Egyptian theme. I mean, CAMELS.

I think the highlight of prom was perhaps when one of the camels spit in Cheerleader Barbie's hair. It was worth it just to see that.

Hayley, reading your blog every day just makes me happy :]So thanks for that.Never been to prom, but I cannow honestly say i'm dreading the entire thing :DBeing Scottish, i have no idea what Chipotle is, but i sympathise.Hehe, leaving now.Chris.

I loved the line "nothing is less sexy than wearing a princess gown in the middle of a student body orgy, and no first kiss is less innocent and sweet than one given by attack to the 8 Mile soundtrack"

we don't really have prom in England well we defiantly didn't at my high school there was a "dance" at my collage which i only attended because my Girl friend of the time insisted we go. the event seemed to be along the same sort of lines tho music was un appealing to me lots of people groping each other on the dance floor and some bad tasting food, but the whole event was held on a boat on the themes so there was no escape. i couldn't get a drink because there was only one bar and it had a cue that went on for ages and when you finally reached it they greatly over charged for drinks because where else could u get a drink when ur stuck on the boat. this who event was a let down, for me and the only thing that kept me going was the fact that at the time it didn't really matter where i was as long i was with the girl i had been dating. i don't think i would have even gone if she didn't want to, i think she expected it to be a bit more than it was. the best part was defiantly getting home and taking off the suit and allowing my ears to adjust to a normal level of music and realizing i hadn't gone deaf .

Wow. On the one hand, I feel bad that it was not at all enjoyable for you... but on the other hand, the way you tell it makes such a hilarious story. I hope you weren't too disappointed, can appreciate it for its' ridiculous frivolity, and will look back on it and laugh.Also, I won’t babble on about how happy it made me that you mentioned my name. More importantly, I’m glad to know that our comments can help improve your mood so much. Considering that I look forward to reading your blog every day, it’s nice to know I can pay you back somehow. -Randi

I'm sorry to hear you had a horrible time. I was expecting a similiar experience for my grade 12 formal, so I didn't go. I think they're totally overrated. If I don't like 90% of my grade, why would I want to pay to spend a evening with them? The music is too loud, the kids are too crazy and it's all so fake. I think during formal night I stayed home and wathed some Poirot episodes. I'm so old and boring.

Reading your entry just reminds me of how much I hated high school. In Scotland, we get to leave school when we are 16, so I ended up getting good grades and going to uni early and completely skipping my last year (would that be classed as senior year?) and prom and all that nonsense. I do, however, wish that your night could have been that little bit more spectacular and i'm sure you looked faboosh in your dress : )

Also, I thought i'd mention i've never had a taco... or burrito... or anything like that... are tacos and burittos the same? Hm. They aren't all that big over in Scotland I guess. Forgive me? LOL.

I relate. I spend last night in a ridiculously short dress, tall shoes and so much make-up that I resembled a clown. I sat eating pizza most of the night while my peers dances, when I tried to join them I just awkwardly wobbled to the cheesy music. My girlfriends went away with an experience that they called '...the best night EVER!" I spend most of the night wishing I was at home on my laptop! I still have 2 year till' my high school prom...god help me!

Forgive me, but your Prom date sounds like the most ungentlemanly bastard EVER. What an arse!

Oh hell, you may inwardly groan, another insipid Prom anecdote. But here you are. It was carnage:

I spent my Prom scowling at the table cloth in an overly-expensive, hired dinner jacket because the girl I asked to come as my date had politely declined (bitch), so I (foolishly) decided to drink as much red wine as I keep down (inadvisable). ...But I couldn't keep it down. My friends estimate I drank about one-and-a-half bottles worth, but it honestly didn't matter, because most of it ended up on the carpet and all over my suit. In the form of vomit, naturally. My brain must have decided to stop remembering at some point, possibly due to embarrassed horror, because I can't remember anything after my fourth glass apart from: stumbling about, dancing like an epilepsy victim with my future girlfriend, dropping and breaking a glass on the floor, and telling the girl I asked out that I "no longer fancied her" but that I thought she "looked jolly stunning".

The hotel staff eventually asked me to leave (or rather, they asked my friends, as I was lying, comatose, in the lobby) and I ended up unconscious in the back of a Mini, being driven home...at 11:30pm. I had been at the Prom for 3 hours.

Never. Again.

By the way, I can imagine your Prom experience making its way into a book at some point later in your life.

I realize it is unsportsmanlike (completely not the word I'm looking for) to comment twice on the same blog.

But.

I just had to reread it, because I haven't slept all night and I'm not tired (or. I'm not sleepy.) and I needed things to entertain me. And then I had THOUGHTS.

It only now occurs to me that I texted you about Nick during the hellish postprom. And now I'm not sure if I should be guilty for texting you joy during that, or proud of myself for giving you a glimmer of hope in the darkness. Or, most likely, it wasn't at all important and I have far too many thoughts.

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP. JUST LET ME SLEEP.

Any... way... the maybe-a-date is tonight. And I'm nervous as hell. And I'm gonna ask you right now to answer your phone, because I'm pretty definitely going to be calling you.

I have my Year 11 ball coming up... I only hope it goes slightly better than this. I think what my friends and I have discovered over the years though, is the trick of just not caring. You can have lots of fun, and make an utter fool of yourself.

I'm sorry your prom didn't turn out better, and I'm sorry your date turned out to be a bit of a twat. I'm definitely off Team Andrew.

Please, please could you post a picture of your dress? I think it sounded gorgeous from your description, and I really want to see it.

Okay, so I said I'd come back and leave you the story of my senior prom. Get ready for this one.

To begin, my dress was free. Which is a plus, right? Wrong. It was too small. I have a large chest, and it was NOT HAVING this dress. I had to squeeze the girls into some kind of contraption and THEN into the dress so they would behave. Also, I have large arms and the straps were spaghetti style. Yeah, you can see where this is going. BULGING ARM FAT UGH.

Okay, so, dress is on. I couldn't afford to get my hair or makeup done by a professional so I figured I'd just have my mom's friend help with my hair and do my makeup myself. My makeup came out fine, not fantastic, but not terrible either. My hair on the other hand...

I wanted to do a kind of romantic, soft curl half-up half-down thing, with face framing pieces. So, I gathered the hair I wanted to pin up, and pinned it. Then I turned to my mom's friend, curling iron in hand. She proceeded to BURN THE CRAP out of my newly dyed hair. It was stiff, crunchy and brittle. I was ready to cry, so I gave up on trying to make it look like anything and just threw it back, and curled a few front pieces for good measure.

So, I'm finally ready, but I went to prom dateless, so my mom had to make a last minute stop on our way to my friends house to buy a corsage. It was the only one they had that matched my dress and it was half wilted. But I loved it anyway.

We got to my friends house and all is well. My party was fairly large, but not overly so. About 11 people sharing a medium size limo. We had two juniors accompanying us as dates. This will be important information later...

So, we take pictures, and all pile into the limo. I'm squashed between my friend Beth and my other friend Laura. They had accidentally worn the same dress.

So, we get to the venue and everything is fine, until we get to the door. I somehow, in all of the rush and glory, forgot my ticket.

I had to get a teacher to vouch that I was a student at this high school and that, yes, I was on the list of people who bought a ticket. Fine, as long as I got in it was okay.

So, we sit at our table, and all is well. I find some other friends of mine, take some more pictures and just generally mill around without much to do. Finally dinner starts, and we sat down to eat. Everything is fine, until my friend drops something slimy and red on the bottom of my dress. Which isn't a big deal, since the dress was free and too small, but I had to dance the night away with a greasy stain on the front of my skirt.

Dinner ended and everyone begins moseying onto the dance floor. They're playing the same terrible music they play at every prom. I find that my shoes are leaving huge gouge marks in my feet, so I remove them, which makes me about a foot shorter than everyone. Commence toe crushing! I must have had my feet stepped on at least ten times before I said enough is enough and just sat at our table for the rest of the night.

About an hour before prom ends, the two friends that brought the juniors as dates came to the table all in a tizzy. One of the girls they brought was caught trying to steal silverware and was also found to have a large amount of pot in her clutch. So, not only did they kick her out, but they called the police and she was arrested too. The other junior that had been brought had to go home because his mother said she didn't want him hanging out with such unsavory folk. It was scary, and slightly amusing since I've never once in my life smoked pot and I'm being considered "unsavory".

Finally prom ends and the remainder of my party piles into the limo. Our preplanned after-prom was supposed to be this cruise-ship type thing, where there would be more dancing and more food and just a place to unwind after all the formality. So, we got out kind of late, at around 11, because of all the limo traffic. We drive to the pier and none of us have time to change or even go to the bathroom. So we get to the gate, and we hand over our tickets to board the boat.

It was absolutely the most disgusting boat I've ever seen in my life. Literally PILES of garbage were in the corners, the floor felt sunken in, and there was a giant puddle of who-knows-what in the middle of the floor. So, we thought maybe the upper deck would be better?

Oh, how wrong we were. It was freezing, because it was not a closed in cruise ship like advertised. Everyone else there had already changed into regular comfortable clothing, so we stood out like sore thumbs still in our prom attire. There were no chairs available to sit on, and all the tables had piles of bags, coats and other such nonsense on them. We basically looked around, shivered for a few minutes, and decided to leave.

As soon as we got to the deck where others were getting on, the staff on the boat started hounding us, telling us we would miss the boat, that we wouldn't be able to get back on and that we would lose our money. Basically, we all shouted, "WE DON'T CARE, YOUR 'CRUISE-SHIP' LOOKS LIKE A WET MATCHBOX, AND IS PROBABLY JUST ABOUT AS SAFE!"

We called the limo back and we drove around Manhattan for a few hours, just enjoying the city and stopping for food at McDonalds when we got hungry. Honestly, the ride in the limo was more fun than the entire night combined.

When we got back to my friends house, everyone left except me. I had no clothes to change into, so my friend gave me some PJs and I passed out on her couch with all my makeup still on and my hair still up. My mom picked me up at about 7 the next morning and I went home and collapsed into bed.

I would never ever repeat such an experience ever again, nor would I wish it even on the worst of my worst enemies. >.<

Our school even made a School Ball DVD, the whole tawdry affair in HD. It was released just as the gossip was dying down too, so there was this resurgence of the whole worn out topic. Painful!

I had an awkward kissing moment with a guy on the dancefloor too, two seconds in, I was like.. "Oh look, my friend Anika's calling me.." then I kind of ran, awkwardly tripping in high heels. Oh the joys...

Hayley... that was quite possibly the most accurate and realistic snapshot of what prom is really like that I have ever read. Amazing1. waffles make everything ok, or at least much better2. sucks about your boy-toy-friend-thing-whatever but maybe seeing him in this light was good? and before you know it you will be leaving for college and there will be a whole new group of socially inappropriate people to contend with3. Chin up, I think you're awesome!

Awww, Hayley, I'm so sorry that things are so sucky right now. I'm pretty sure prom is a myth that adults force on us. I would never have gone to mine except that my parents freaked out at the thought that I would be that "anti-social". Apparently I don't try hard enough to make friends. Oh well. At least high school is almost over. Soon it will just be a distant memory you can look back on with relif in knowing that its over.

Best of luck with the rest of your year. Things have to get better, don't they?

I loooved your dress. Absolutely loved it. People who said negative things are what I like to call KNOBS. Yes, I'm feeling EMPHATIC, soulsister.

I'm really scared for prom now, but I suppose the one good thing (? not good, probably, but hey) is that most people will be slightly, if not completely trashed, so they won't remember if it's crap. It would be such a shame if it doesn't go well mainly because all of the blame would be on me.

And that just confirms that I am absolutely not getting a date, oooh no, single ladies win. I hate awkward kisses. Books make them sound so innocent and precious but they;re not, they're just awkward and are like kissing socks/washing machines/Ron's Aunt Muriel etc. That's one thing manwhores have in their favour, they tend to know how to kiss well.

My Year Eleven (fifth year) prom was lame, only two people brought dates, the music was bad and parents organised it. We only have two proms at most here, well, not including the Year Six disco where a boy in a fluorescent yellow GAP jumper confessed his seven year long love for me and I boyd him off for another boy who I had been in love with (well, as much as eleven year olds can be) for a while, only to find that this boy liked my friend who liked someone else.. OH THE DRAMA.

Did this comment have a point? No? Well here we go: the moral of the story is... MORE CHIPOTLE.

uhh, I completely know what you mean. My prom is on friday and I'm going dateless (two boys asked me, but I insisted upon going solo) and am hoping a rampant swine flu breakout will prevent the evening from occuring. its such an overblown, expensive, and typically disappointing thing, at least for people like us, who arn't the ones boozing, bumping, and grinding. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who sees prom this way!

Okay, "watched my classmates prance their cellulite around in swimsuits" made me laugh. Thanks for the great read, Hayley. It was almost like being in the midst of the hormoney, angsty, drama-y moment.

i went to an alternative high school where the student body (about 300 people, not separated by grade levels or graduating classes... yea it's REALLY alternative...) was allowed to vote on whether they wanted a prom or a Cinco De Mayo BBQ. (i live in texas, so yes... we BBQ. Although, there are enough vegans and vegetarians to guarantee veggie burgers alongside mystery meat hot dogs.)

They choose a Cinco De Mayo BBQ every single year. I am with the voting majority and truely enjoy the BBQ when all the teachers, students, principal, and administrators grill outside together and hang out during class time. It's fun and stress free.

Therefore, I had no prom of my own, but I did end up going to my boyfriends' prom, which was probably the most worthlessly boring and depressing night of my life.

My boyfriend's best friend took my best friend for a date, which she made clear was platonic, but he couldn't help but being obsessed with her.... After ditching the dance early, we went back to my house and watched a Woody Allen movie (even MORE depressing than the dance, if you can imagine it) and the night ended in lots of tears in my best friend and druken puking in my boy's best friend.

Yes... a night to remember, but only for it's use as a dire warning to high schoolers everywhere.(DON'T GO TO PROM.)

hehe thanks for the shout out, and ya its my real name!! when i read Pape Towns i just sorta freaked when i saw my name! :D your dress must have been ..."interesting" and your date didnt seem like the right person at all. chipolte only twice a year?!?! who is this guy??

Prom was terrible for me too. Well not as bad as my close friend who went with someone she did not want to go with. He asked her to prom and she said no (her an I were going to go stag together), his mother then called her a few days later to hash out the plans for prom. My friends and I were furious that this could happen We didn't like him, he was a uber-nerd. And this may sound bad since I am a nerdfighter, but he had very very low social skills. He showed her his phone while we were sitting at the table avoiding dancing, and talking about star wars.

What made it worse was his mom works at the school and was chaperoning the prom.

Prom is overrated! I never wear makeup and I use to never put my hair up. For prom I did both and I had really good friends of mine not even recognize me.

Junior Prom I went with a boy from another school I had been friends with in 8th grade. Everyone thought he was hot. He did not smile in our picture.

Senior Prom I went with the only boyfriend I have ever had (cause I'm a big 'ol dyke now...not really big or old but you get the point), we had fun and made fun of the lap dancers.

Not sure why I chose to share, I guess in a failed attempt to make up for the fact that I religiously read your blog (as I do everything else you do....HGH fever remember?) and never comment. Ok that one time. Anyway despite the notsome of late, I think you're awesome! And soon high school will be a distant memory...ok maybe I'm a little old lol =)

Haha, how many people really do have the "ideal" prom experience? I'm so glad my high school, being British, all girls and therefore awesome, rejects the typical ideas of prom and is just going for it our own way.

It really does suck that you had to have such a horrible time though. Your last few entries have not been very happymaking. CHEER UP :)

But I do love your writing style Miss Hoover. I myself love writing and have recently decided to stop putting it off and just write my goddamn novel idea. Any tips for us talentless 16 year olds??

I don't have a prom, and that never really bugged me, until I read your post. I need an excuse to make my sister cook me waffles.Seriously, the kid is 12 and a better cook than I will ever be (not that thats hard. I set fire to the microwave last time I tried cooking.)

Anyway, my point is, I'm sorry your prom sucked. On the bright side, you found out that he's a chipotle-hater now, rather than later.

My only dancing advice is this- the wilder you dance, the further away the grinding people have to be. Flail your arms, and they'll move.

Aaand this is why I'm probably not going to my prom. Not that I don't love the grinding and whatnot of which these crazy containers of hormones seem to be so fond, but y'know. I'm good. But it was brave of you to go, and at least now there's no doubts about Andrew. He definitely doesn't sound worth you. And anyone who mocked your dress is obviously blind. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen. Other than your face.

Hayley, I've been reading your blog since you mentioned it in one of your videos, but this is my first time commenting.

I just want to say that I love reading your blog. It's so entertaining and so well written. You reminded me of the Megan McCafferty series that I started when I was in high school, but forgot about. I'm now on "Fourth Comings". You remind me a lot of Jessica Darling, and I just love it.

I know what you are talking about when you mentioned the 8 Mile soundtrack at your prom. I didn't dance at all at mine. Basically it was a wash. I was wearing a dress I adored though, and my date was my BFF, so that's nice.

Proms never live up to expectation. I really enjoyed both the ones I went to but they weren't amazing. I just enjoyed dancing madly with my friends ignoring all teh odd looks in our direction. That was the nice thing about an all girls school- not everyone had dates, and it wasn't frowned upon if you didn't.

Though at my year 12 prom, (penultimate year at school) I bravely invited a guy i liked from hours away from me, and he agreed and it was that night that he became my boyfriend and we're still together 2 years later :)

The whole dress, hair and make up thing was awful though- so much pressure and I'm still convinced I looked terrible, but ah well.

I love your blogs, and I'm sure Chipotle should be eaten all the time!

I really don't think Prom is ever good! Over here we call it our formal and my night was rather disasterous. The guy I took to my formal was a guy I knew when I was little and I only asked him because my friends were taking all his friends, so it made sense. My brother freaked him out when he arrived telling him he wasn't allowed to leave my side/do anything to hurt me/touch me...etc when I wanted something he HAD to get it...etc etc. Obviously this completely freaked out my date, as in every photograph is is standing a good two feet away from me with his hands behind his back like a soldier.When we arrived at our formal (an hours bus journey away) we had exhausted every avenue of conversation and resorted to talking to everyone else but each other. During the meal I was sick and spent most of the time in the bathroom. When I came back out the meal was over and I didn't see him for the rest of the night.I spent the whole night talking to this guy I worked with (I had wanted to ask him but didn't think he'd want to go) who was there with the head girl, who, incidentally treated him like shit for the entire night!! But it was all good cause he head butted her three times when dancing with her.The majority of the dancing time with my friends was great! The bus journey home was boring, cause my date was boring. He went to the after party of MY formal and I went home. And inevitably we haven't spoken since! LOL!

To ditto what has already been said: Prom is one of those things that few types of people enjoy. Those people are usually a) popular, b) overtly whore-ish or c) dancing fools. Being an awkward geeky type, I was utterly surprised when my Prom only included one brief meltdown of tears. For the most part, ignoring the bumpingandgrinding and just dancing like the silly geek that I am worked out for me. But the whole date and limos and prom pictures and Prom Queen thing makes me want to barf the strange array of foods they served at my Prom. (We didn't get Chipotle. JEALOUS.)

The point? EVERYONE wants to have a perfect Prom, and (though I'm not very good at math,) only 8% of people get it. Just be happy that it's over with! :)

Oh yikes. I mean, your prom experience wasn't the worst I've heard, but definitely unpleasant sounding. I remember deciding in my freshman year that I was never going to go to prom. It just never appealed :/ Seriously though, CHIPOTLE?! I might go to my prom if Chipotle was catering. Really. At least you got to wear a pretty dress :)

I got asked to Prom, and I'm a freshman. I went, and I totally regretted it. My date was an even bigger jerk than how your sounded. I'm not going to prom again until my senior year. I totally get what you mean.

I'm sorry you didn't enjoy prom. Mine was sort of similar.I also had a dress that I personally loved, but was sort of ridiculous and not very me. Also, my group was awkward, dinner was okay, the dancing was disgusting, the music sucked, and the after party was only so-so. I totally agree with what you said about how weird it is to act like you're basically having sex on the dance floor... right in front of your teachers. At one point this random guy I didn't know just came up behind me and grabbed my waist and I was just like "No, sorry, don't know you, bye." Maybe if there was a waltz playing and he had held out his hand, bowed and said, "May I have this dance?" then I probably would have considered it. Anyway, just be glad it's over, and that you're almost through with high school, and think about all the fun you're going to have at OU!! (My brother goes there, we're big fans)I hope things get better :)

Yeah, I agree all those things look better in movies. Homecoming sucked lol, it's just a bunch of teenagers grinding on each other to rap music, but whatever suits their needs. Love your blog :] And I did read your last one all the way through just didn't know what to comment :P

On the bright side, it could have been worse ^^. I don't plan on going to my prom for fear of this happening (or something similiar).. and don't worry, it wasn't this that made me decide!Alteast you'll have something to say about prom, instead of the "2 kool 2 attend" or the ever famous "I was WAI 2 DRUNK".. hahaha:D

I know how you feel about prom...I think it's always a bit of a disappointment somehow. The media makes it into such a big deal, and everything always turns out so different in real life.

I asked my best male friend/the boy I had been in love with for years to prom, and his parents wouldn't let him go with me because it wasn't his prom, and I'm not morman. They invited me to an awkward dinner where they tried to explain to me why we would never even be allowed to go to a simple dance together.

I think the saddest part was how he could never stand up to them. I'm also really lame, and I've missed him everyday since then (It's been 2 years). The worst thing was when he got facebook and I had to watch him take a "suitable morman girl" to prom the next year.

Aside from all of that depression, I went on my own and it really wasn't that big of a deal. I think as long as you have a dress you love and are with friends, it's worth it <3

okay, so i read this, saw the number of comments, thought "oh, this is ancient; don't bother commenting" and promptly decided to disobey myself.

hayley hoover YOU ARE A FUNNY ONE. i've never been to a real prom but accounts like these make it clear i haven't missed out.

i went to a christian school (grades 1-12) so we didn't have prom; we had BANQUET. yes. basically, it was prom minus illegal substances and dancing. junior year was eh, whatever, who cares, we're only juniors.

senior year, however, was of course A BIG DEAL. i refused to be swept away with the typical starry eyed fantasies of a beautiful romantic night and instead opted for blistering cynicism (aka i was jealous of my friends for being so stupidly happy with their dates because the only boy i considered worth liking lived 800 miles away). i invited him, as a half-joke, because i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted him to come but REALLY REALLY REALLY didn't want him to think of me as a stupid immature high school girl (he was a college sophomore) but refused to believe he'd really come and wasn't sure i myself was going until he was all "so... i'm in new jersey?"

OHMYGODPANIC.

i won't regale with the entire night, because frankly just thinking about it makes me yawn. pictures and food and awkwardness and generally way too much energy put into a night that always seems to end on such a "...that's it?" note. he was a gentleman, but clearly over the high school thing -- and frankly, so was i. it was...n't a night to remember.

and yeah andrew sounds like a douche you deserve a fucking fantastic man who will MAKE you chipotle. /angry

Hey Hayley,I had as similar experience as you except mine was for Winter Formal this year (I can't go to prom yet, I'm only a sophomore). My dress didn't turn out as I had hoped. My hair was a disaster and my make up was done poorly (because I did it, haha). I get what you mean about the whole dancing thing, I swayed side to side with my date too, and this lasted the ENTIRE night. 3 hours of just swaying while everyone was crumping and making out on the dance floor with their dates. It was so awkward. Plus the entire time, my date was looking for this other girl he likes who's a freshman. Which made me feel WONDERFUL. Anyways, I'm sorry your prom didn't turn out picture perfect, but at least it was your last and you don't have to go to them anymore. I have 2 more years!!! <_<

I've never comment here and I'm kind of afraid that you will hate the way I write. Bare in mind I almost never write in english, please.

My Prom was mmmm bad. I hate make up, and I was "forced" to use it, I hate the way my hair was up and then down by gravity in different moments of the night. My date was vomiting by the second song, so basically i was alone all night. My friends went away with their dates, but i have to say that it wasn't a complete horrible night.

Still so many people did so many dumb things that i have to say I had a good time watching them.

I feel like you have gotten so many comments on this post that you probably won't even read this one. But, maybe I'm wrong. Hopefully I'm wrong.

I had my prom this past Saturday, too, and let me tell you, it wasn't exactly a Night to Remember either. I agree COMPLETELY with you about the dancing. I'm embarrassed for people when they dance like that. It's disgusting. I feel violated just being on or near the dance floor.

The after party was just not worth it. My class decided to go to one of our friend's lake houses...an hour and a half away. See, an hour and a half bus ride anywhere will put me to sleep, especially after some hardcore dancing. I spent a couple hours watching people play beer pong and then I passed out.

Oh! Did I mention it was storming all night? No? Oh, whoops. Yeah, so much for getting your hair and make up done. I now own a nice ruined pair of black suede heels. Thanks a lot rain.

Oh! I also have mono. So that made prom all the more fun.

Wow. I really feel like I'm complaining to you, but my goal here was to tell you that I felt your same pain. Except I was in Texas. Well, I still am.

-Kara

P.S. I don't know you and I now feel really creepy because I always read your blog and I have never commented before. You're hilarious and I completely feel like we would be best friends if we knew each other. Is that weird?

So as I was reading this entry, I realized that there was a suspicious lack of vulgar grinding at my prom (last Saturday, too). And I figured it out.My school is right on the Main Line, i.e. Jew-territory.

We danced our dance, we had a good time, and we admired the circle of black kids who actually knew the proper way to dance the various rap songs. That's pretty much it.

Looking back I was really glad I didn't go to my prom but at the time, I was devastated. I was very close friends with my almost-date, Travis. Travis HATED school dances and did not want to go to prom, but since no one had asked me and the prom was getting nearer and nearer (I was, of course getting more and more depressed as the weeks progressed) he said that he would take me if someone didn't ask me by two weeks before. The weekend before the date arrived, Travis was asked to prom by a really butch creepy girl (out of character considering it was a boys choice dance). Travis, being the sweet admirable man that he is, agreed and called me apologizing profusely for not being able to take me.

I was really sad, but called my ultra nerdy, ultra cool brother and asked if I could stay all weekend at his house. My small town shuts down when prom is happening. I spent the entire weekend playing various video games and watching superhero movies with my brother and his wife.

And when I came back, most people talked about how much they didn't enjoy prom. I prefer my prom to the proms most people talk about now!

That sounds like every other prom in every public high school in America. Completely overrated. I had this great and wonderful Idea of what prom was going to be like... you know, like the Oscars except with dancing...until I went to Homecoming (which was creepily similar to your prom)and read Paper Towns. I am now anti-Prom.

By the way, I liked your dress, and I can't understand why your friends didn't. It was very pretty.

My prom was really fun, but I didn't go with a date so there was a definite lack of grinding, which was awesome. I spent most of the night floating around and squealing about girls' dresses, got a tarot card reading from a fake gypsy, ate some chocolate, tried to find space to dance the way I would want to but failed miserably, mostly, took my shoes off about an hour in, hung out with my French teacher on the veranda thing that came attached to the ballroom (score!), and laughed at the two girls wearing dresses I'd tried on but rejected because they cost 600 dollars. Seriously. Then my two besties and I went back to my house and watched Anchorman. :)

So, prom doesn't have to be awful, I guess, but I didn't do most of the things you "have" to do, like the big after party and drunkeness. *shrug*

Your dress is also completely gorgeous and I adore it. It's the quintessential princess dress. What were your friends wearing that that was so "interesting" to them?

Prom is dumb. It's ridiculously overrated and awkward and not fun. Some of it is, but the fun may only constitute about 2.2% of the entire night.

I'm a junior, so my first prom experience did not exactly live up to my expectations. My hair didn't work out the way I wanted it to, I felt like the woman doing my makeup was analyzing my every physical flaw (by the way, never get your makeup done by someone whose eyebrows resembles one-centimeter-thick arched lines), and my date was uber-lame. Whoo hoo.

hayley<3ahaha you are so awesome! People really are bad though it's pretty gross, the LeakyCon ball was like a breath of fresh air for me! I almost forgot what DANCING Looks like! Just plain old having fun with your friends. I'm in Jr High& school dances are like one big, two hour long, grind line, makeout fest. Oi... People. What are you gunna do...?

like... I can't even EXPLAIN to you how ridiculous they are. In SO many ways! These 13 year old girls will leave school at noon to get hair and make up done for a dance at 7:00 that is held in our school GYM. They show up wearing practically nothing, more makeUp is covering their faces than clothes covering there bodies. They pay $100 for these pieces of cloth they call "dresses" they are not going with boys, they just have their parents drop them off& pick them up in the eigth grade nothing special undecorated gyn. it's just man... So crazy.

My prom is tomorrow, and this made me kind of nervous. I probably shouldn't have purposely looked up this post, seeing that I knew your prom sucked. I don't have a date, so maybe it won't be that bad? I already wish it was over, though. I think I was more excited for it in fifth grade than I am now.