Mara Richards Bimhttp://mararichards.com
yogi - theatre artist - momSun, 12 Nov 2017 20:36:54 +0000en-UShourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.8Letters to My Daughter: from Leonard Bernsteinhttp://mararichards.com/2017/11/12/letters-to-my-daughter-from-leonard-bernstein/
http://mararichards.com/2017/11/12/letters-to-my-daughter-from-leonard-bernstein/#respondSun, 12 Nov 2017 20:34:17 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=119Just after the election last year, I started what I hoped would be a series of letters to my daughter documenting this moment in time. Every time I sat down to write, what came out of me sounded pessimistic, helpless, and hopeless, so I never published any of it. Today, the little one was pulling books off of a shelf and when I went to clean up hours later, I got sucked into a book I bought purchased 20 years ago. It’s a collection of belief statements collected by the esteemed journalist and radio broadcaster Edward R. Murrow for his broadcast series This I Believe which aired 1951-1955. In short essays read on the air, people across the country talked about their beliefs, hopes, and dreams for a country in the early stages of the Cold War and gripped by the activities of a man named Senator Joseph McCarthy.

NPR revived the Murrow program several years ago. Here’s the written text of The Mountain Disappears by the composer Leonard Bernstein. For my daughter…

I believe in people. I feel, love, need and respect people above all else, including the arts, natural scenery, organized piety, or nationalistic superstructures. One human figure on the slope of a mountain can make the whole mountain disappear for me. One person fighting for the truth can disqualify for me the platitudes of centuries. And one human being who meets with injustice can render invalid the entire system which as dispensed it.

I believe that man’s noblest endowment is his capacity to change. Armed with reason, he can see two sides and choose: he can be divinely wrong. I believe in man’s right to be wrong. Out of this right he has built, laboriously and lovingly, something we reverently call democracy. He has done it the hard way and continues to do it the hard way – by reason, by choosing, by error and rectification, by the difficult, slow method in which the dignity of A is acknowledged by B, without impairing the dignity of C. Man cannot have dignity without loving the dignity of his fellow.

I believe in the potential of people. I cannot rest passively with those who give up in the name of “human nature.” Human nature is only animal nature if it is obliged to remain static. Without growth, without metamorphosis, there is no godhead. If we believe that man can never achieve a society without wars, then we are condemned to wars forever. This is the easy way. But the laborious, loving way, the way of dignity and divinity, presupposes a belief in people and in their capacity to change, grow, communicate, and love.

I believe in man’s unconscious mind, the deep spring from which comes his power to communicate and to love. For me, all art is a combination of these powers; for if love is the way we have of communicating personally in the deepest way, then what art can do is to extend this communication, magnify it, and carry it to vastly greater numbers of people. Therefore art is valid for the warmth and love it carries within it, even if it be the lightest entertainment, or the bitterest satire, or the most shattering tragedy.

I believe that my country is the place where all these things I have been speaking of are happening in the most manifest way. America is at the beginning of her greatest period in history – a period of leadership in science, art and human progress toward the democratic ideal. I believe that she is at the critical point in this moment, and that she needs us to believe more strongly than ever before, in her and in one another, in our ability to grow and change, in our mutual dignity, in our democratic method. We must encourage thought, free and creative. We must respect privacy. We must observer taste by not exploiting our sorrows, successes or passions. We must learn to know ourselves better through art. We must rely more on the unconscious, inspirational side of man. We must not enslave ourselves to dogma. we must believe in the attainability of good. We must believe, without fear, in people.

]]>http://mararichards.com/2017/11/12/letters-to-my-daughter-from-leonard-bernstein/feed/0A Reflection on January 2016http://mararichards.com/2016/02/21/a-reflection-on-january-2016/
http://mararichards.com/2016/02/21/a-reflection-on-january-2016/#respondSun, 21 Feb 2016 19:52:30 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=105January 2016 was meant to be devoted to resetting – mostly resetting my house and business life. But it ended up being a different kind of reset. I managed to knock several things off of my list. I finished the semi-annual fridge clean-out. I wrapped up tax stuff for 2015 both personally and for Cry Havoc. And, I got everything ready to go for this semester’s teaching. Shortly thereafter is when the curve ball came roaring across the plate.

In mid-January I was dutifully clearing away stacks of boxes and other crap from our epic December guest-room-clean-out. Being almost four months pregnant, I knew I shouldn’t be doing some of the heavy lifting I was. I took a break and noticed I was spotting. That’s never a good thing when one is pregnant. I’ll skip the details of the saga of the next six days, but it involved blood, two sonograms and two trips to the hospital. No one could ever figure out exactly what the cause was, but I was put on bed rest for about 10 days. That’s when this whole pregnancy thing suddenly got real.

I have a tendency to go-go-go until I end up sick or exhausted. I’ve done that since I was a kid. Now that I’m carrying a kid, I evidently can’t do that (nor can I lift 40 pound boxes repeatedly). So, while I didn’t get the rest of my house reset to the way I’d like, I was forced to take time to reset me and to think about being pregnant. There was a lot of time to ponder life (and binge watch five seasons of Grimm). Here are a few things I thought about:

Someday, I’m gonna die. I’ve often lived my life on the edge and have enjoyed every minute of it. I have thought that if something happened to me, my husband would mourn and move on with some sweet young thing, and he’d be fine. But my daughter needs a mother. At least for a good 20+ years. So, I’d better start doing a better job of taking care of myself and staying away from the edge I so love.

Up to now, I’ve been adamant that I’ll go back to work at my part-time teaching gig right away. That means my approximately 7-week-old bundle of joy would go part-time into daycare and I wouldn’t take the typical 12 weeks to recover from squeezing a melon out of me. I’m starting to think that’s not such a good idea. I waited 39 years to get married and was working in our hotel room at our beautiful destination wedding. Looking back, I regret that immensely. At 41, I’ve waiting a long time to have a child. So, maybe this go-round I should take the time to enjoy the ride.

The level of animosity in our country is out of control and it scares me for my daughter. Everyone is pissed off about something. And all that vitriol is splashed daily on Facebook and in the news. I’ve started to realize how icky it makes me feel and have noticed I’m now avoiding anything but cat memes. In a more immediate sense, it makes me question living in Dallas proper. I’m quickly moving toward my husband’s dreams of moving to the country and living off the grid.

There’s a very real possibility that Donald Trump will be president. Someday, I’ll have to explain to my daughter how that clusterf*ck happened. I’m sure it has something to do with the previous bullet point. But that’s no consolation that we may very well elect a man who will start World War III.

]]>http://mararichards.com/2016/02/21/a-reflection-on-january-2016/feed/0January: Time to Resethttp://mararichards.com/2016/01/07/january-time-to-reset/
http://mararichards.com/2016/01/07/january-time-to-reset/#respondThu, 07 Jan 2016 18:16:36 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=78Ah, a new year; a new set of goals. Last year I modeled my resolutions after the book The Happiness Project, with a different focus each month. I managed to start and end the year on track in this way. But, just like a jelly donut, the middle got a little gooey.

Here we are on January 7, 2016. My husband and I spent several days in December emptying out one of the spare bedrooms – that had essentially functioned as a storage closet – and turned it into the guest room. We also turned what had previously been the semi-functional guest room into the start of a nursery for our soon-arriving bundle of joy. All of that has produced a rather large mound of “where do we store this” stuff in our living room. Also, our Christmas tree and decorations are still up. Yeah, we’re those people. Basically, my house looks like a pair of crackhead hookers ransacked it and then squatted for a month. Add to that that I’m a couple days away from opening a show and am exhausted – more than the normal pregnancy exhausted. The only thing I want to do is sleep. I haven’t been grocery shopping in a month, and with the way things are going, our baby is going to be made of BigMacs and Topo Chico.

So this month is all about resetting my life and getting back to a place of calm and order. That’s no small task. My goals include:

Getting the holiday decorations safely stowed away stat.

Finding a place for all the stuff living in piles in our living space.

Cleaning out the fridge (you know, actually taking everything out and cleaning the fridge) and then starting over with a trip to the grocery store.

Wrapping up financial stuff from 2015. (This is a big one and I dread it!)

Prepping for the classes I teach which begin in a couple of weeks.

Meditating regularly.

Whatever your goals are for January, may you be successful at them!

]]>http://mararichards.com/2016/01/07/january-time-to-reset/feed/02015 or the Year I Got Knocked Up by the Headless Horsemanhttp://mararichards.com/2016/01/01/2015-or-the-year-i-got-knocked-up-by-the-headless-horseman/
http://mararichards.com/2016/01/01/2015-or-the-year-i-got-knocked-up-by-the-headless-horseman/#respondFri, 01 Jan 2016 18:19:19 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=81I love New Year’s. All of it: the revelry, the debauchery, the reflection on the past year, the meditation on life, the start of something new.

So, in an attempt to run open-armed into 2016, I’m self-indulgently looking back, or, as my husband likes to call it, “navel gazing.”

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” – Ernest Hemingway

This Year’s Goals

In 2015 I aspired to have a monthly intention that I explored and to create 52 things in the year. Just looking at that sentence, on reflection, gives me heart palpitations. Clearly I was very ambitious. But, I did manage to spend six months throughout the year focusing on making some aspect of my life better. And, when I did, I reaped the benefits.

Investigate the Power of Solitude: In January, I took advantage of the downtime from teaching to create quiet for myself. By limiting my use of electronic devices and doing things like reading books and working on our house, I came out of the month with a sense of calm and clarity that was refreshing.

Get Healthier: In February, I focused on all of the “get healthy and lose weight” goals that are the staple of New Year resolutions. It was a colossal failure. I managed to get on my yoga mat a few more times, cut back on alcohol and increase veggies, but I came nowhere near the goals I set for myself. The one thing that did stick was having a date night with my husband one night a week. That habit stuck for most of the year until his work schedule got crazy in November.

Aim Higher (Professionally): In March – and really from March through August – I focused on getting the youth theater company I was starting off the ground. 2015 was a big year in that regard. I managed to pull together some great artists and put up a terrific show over the summer that involved 16 teens from around Dallas. We got a grant from the city for it, sold more tickets than I’d imagined we would, and got some great reviews. 2015 will go down as one of the most rewarding, successful and exhausting years of my career.

Create a Love Fest (or Nurture My Marriage): In April, I focused on being a more patient wife. We were in the throws of being newly married and navigating shared finances and new expectations for one another. Neither of us is good at conflict. But with an effort on both our parts to better communicate with one another, this year has brought a new calm and appreciation for our love. Which is good since we’re expecting a little one!

Practice Living in Balance: In October, after a hectic six months teaching and getting Cry Havoc off the ground, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. In August, after our first show closed, I spent several weeks in bed and then moving lethargically around the house. I’d been sustaining myself on adrenaline, cigarettes and too many adult beverages to count. So, I’d taken August and September to kick the bad habits (which I tend to pick up in times of stress). By October, I was ready for a real cleanse (goodbye sugar, dairy and gluten!). I was also lined up to direct The Legend of Sleepy Hollow at Eastfield College and knew I needed to steer clear of my go-to stress relievers. By focusing on eating right, getting a solid 8 hours of sleep each night, unplugging from electronics and keeping date nights with my husband, I managed to stay sane. I also managed to find myself pregnant! More on that below.

Pursue a Passion: I started out in November participating in NaNoWriMo and fully expected to get a good chunk of a novel written. Life had other plans for me. I started the writing process and then, in the first week of November, I was suddenly struck down by what I was convinced was the flu. Or the plague. Really, it was a toss-up. The illness persisted and then I did the math. A pregnancy test (actually three just to be safe) confirmed that I was not dying, but merely pregnant. Morning sickness stole the rest of November, and the novel has been pushed to the back burner.

Books I Read

I read more books in 2015 than the previous two or three years combined. My choices were all over the map.

Books That I Read Because I Felt I Had To: The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton, Two is Enough: A Couple’s Guide to Living Childless by Choiceby Laura S. Scott, Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler

The One Book I Really Hated:The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

Books I’m Embarrassed to Say I read: Unlucky 13 by James Patterson, Divergent by Veronica Roth, Insurgent by Veronica Roth

My interest in having monthly intentions was inspired by the book The Happiness Project. The structure and having a monthly focus really worked for me – I made great strides toward many of the things I wanted to improve upon when New Year’s rolled around this time last year. So, I plan to follow that structure again this year. This time, I hope to be more consistent which will become especially challenging when the baby arrives later this year.

And, speaking of baby: One of the big questions I had entering 2015 was whether or not we were going to try to conceive. When one marries at 39, there’s not a tremendous amount of time to figure that one out. And, we were honestly all over the map (hence some of my book choices). Ultimately, we decided to leave it to fate. In August, after getting through The (out)Siders Project and abandoning the bad habits that came with doing something stressful, we had my IUD taken out. Two months later while we were still actively debating the pros and cons of having a child, I got pregnant. Brett was playing the Headless Horseman in the show I was directing at Eastfield and the holy conception happened during that time frame. So, we can always tell our daughter that mommy got knocked up by a ghoul.

My one big takeaway from the year was the importance of taking time for myself, of saying “no” sometimes and of staying healthy and balanced. We all know these things, but it’s easy to get wrapped up in the shoulds and coulds of life. Since we’re bringing a child into this crazy, crazy world, it’s even more important to me that I keep striving to find balance and joy. So, here’s to 2016!

]]>http://mararichards.com/2016/01/01/2015-or-the-year-i-got-knocked-up-by-the-headless-horseman/feed/0November’s Intention: Pursue a Passionhttp://mararichards.com/2015/10/31/novembers-intention-pursue-a-passion/
http://mararichards.com/2015/10/31/novembers-intention-pursue-a-passion/#respondSat, 31 Oct 2015 18:23:40 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=85Love the life you live. Live the life you love. – Bob Marley

When my maternal grandfather passed away in 1998, he was still active and exploring a new passion: he was enrolled in a community college class on computer aided design. It wasn’t the first such class he’d taken, nor were computers the only interest he pursued. In his younger years his hobbies included beekeeping and carpentry. In his later years they included various computer classes as well as working on a memoir. By trade he had started out in computers back when they were so large they took up whole rooms. Later in his life he owned a print shop. The passions he pursued outside of his everyday life were things he loved. One time, near his unexpected death, he told me that pursuing new interests and learning new things kept him young. Quoting Albert Einstein, “Once you stop learning, you start dying.”

I have no special talent, I am only passionately curious. – Albert Einstein

In a year dedicated to living intentionally month-by-month, this month’s focus is my favorite so far. Taken straight out of Gretchen Rubin’s book The Happiness Project, this month’s intention is also the most self-indulgent to-date: to pursue a new passion!

Who has ever said they have a great idea for a novel? I have! Recently, actually. In May of this year, my aunt was taken to the hospital for an “accidental” poisoning that I and the rest of my family don’t believe was in any way accidental. I’ve learned more about ethylene glycol (antifreeze), chain of evidence and ineffectual police investigations than I ever imagined I’d know. In keeping with the adage “truth is stranger than fiction,” the thriller inspired by the totally insane, real life events surrounding that day has practically written itself in my brain. Now it’s time to put the peddle to the metal, so to speak.

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

November is National Write a Novel Month. Yep, that’s a real thing. Started in 1999, NaNoWriMo now boasts more than 300,000 participants each November. After signing up, each aspiring novelist is faced with the Herculean task of completing the first draft of a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. That length is actually on the short side, but is on par with notable novels like The Catcher in the Rye and The Great Gatsby. Some NaNoWriMo participants have gone on to see their work published; most tuck their partially completed manuscripts away.

Writing isn’t foreign to me – I’ve kept journals since my teen years and have written for theatre before. But I’ve never attempted to write a novel. It’s equal parts daunting and thrilling. The greatest challenge for me, I think, is going to be letting go of my inner critic. The urge to spend days rewriting the same passage over and over must be resisted if the goal is to be achieved! In order to hit the 50,000 word goal, one must write 1,666 words per day. That’s the equivalent of a 7-page essay every day for a month.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

There will be some who read this and think “Gee, that must be nice. I have obligations and could never do that.” Yeah, so do I. So did my grandfather. But we all know we make time for the things that matter to us – be they people or passions. Life is short! Get out and try something new you’ve always wanted to do!

]]>http://mararichards.com/2015/10/31/novembers-intention-pursue-a-passion/feed/0Reflection on Living in Balancehttp://mararichards.com/2015/10/30/reflection-on-living-in-balance/
http://mararichards.com/2015/10/30/reflection-on-living-in-balance/#respondFri, 30 Oct 2015 18:26:53 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=88In 2015, rather rather than set resolutions that fade quickly, I’ve devoted a month to focusing on each of the following areas of my life: exploring solitude, getting healthier, networking and career-building, nurturing the relationship with my husband, and maintaining the ever elusive work/life balance. The fact that October is ending and I’ve only managed to have a monthly focus for five of the last ten months is a testament to the need for October’s devotion to balance.

I have never been very good at living in balance – I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. However, I’m finding as the year goes on that keeping that balance – busy time followed by down time; productive time followed by rejuvenating time – is the key to my happiness. This month was good for me. It was very busy, but rather than spiraling into a bad eating, no sleeping zombie, I managed to get everything done (in this case, teaching my normal classes at the college as well as directing a show that opened last night) and did it while feeling healthy and happy.

Here are a few things I learned this month about feeling balanced, healthy and whole:

Thanks to my Fitbit which tracks not only my steps, but also my sleep quality, I can confirm with certainty that I do not do well with less than 8 hours of sleep. If I have less than 8 hours for several days in a row, my brain is foggy, I’m anxious and I lose functionality (not to mention my sense of humor).

I’m fairly certain I have a dairy allergy. Only an allergy test will confirm that. Regardless of whether its a full-blown allergy or just a sensitivity, I feel better when I don’t consume it.

On the subject of food, I’ve basically been living sugar, flour, dairy and alcohol-free for the month. Yes, I’ve lost a little weight, but more importantly I don’t feel bloated and cranky all of the time! And that, in turn, helps me to feel more centered and calm.

Saying “no” has become easier and is crucial to keeping sane. I tend to take on too much. For someone who tries to do it all, making peace with either asking for help or just saying no to things has been a God-send. And, the more I do it, the easier it gets.

I enjoy reading books. Yet, somewhere along the way I learned that laying around on a Saturday reading was a “waste of time.” I’ve reclaimed that pastime for myself! As a society, we get trapped in the notion of constantly being productive. Perhaps the biggest thing I’ve learned this year is that regularly pausing and enjoying solitude isn’t just a luxury. It’s vital for anyone wanting to live a happy, healthy, productive life. Books are one of my ways of relaxing. Now to continue embracing my lazy Saturdays without guilt!

]]>http://mararichards.com/2015/10/30/reflection-on-living-in-balance/feed/0Week 14: The Texas State Fairhttp://mararichards.com/2015/10/28/week-14-the-texas-state-fair/
http://mararichards.com/2015/10/28/week-14-the-texas-state-fair/#respondWed, 28 Oct 2015 19:32:59 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=99My husband loves the state fair. I don’t mean likes it or likes going each year. I mean he loves it and we get season passes each year. We never go as many times as we plan to over the 24 days, but we do go several times. And, each year for the past three years I’ve sworn the next year I’d enter the Glue-a-Shoe contest that happens on the first day. Well, this was the year.

Every year, the creations with puns win. So, given all of the politics in the media, I’d landed on creating a version of Donald Trump. My first idea was awful.

My second was much better.

But it just wasn’t good enough stacked up to some of the others.

People take this contest very seriously at the fair. Yes, there is a panel of judges.

Alas, I did not win. The winners clearly spent more time than I did (I completed my entry the afternoon before with the help of Dos Equis.) Now I know that next year I need to start ahead of time and create an entire sculpture rather than just a display. Nevertheless, it was fun!

]]>http://mararichards.com/2015/10/28/week-14-the-texas-state-fair/feed/0October’s Intention: Balancing Acthttp://mararichards.com/2015/10/15/octobers-intention-balancing-act/
http://mararichards.com/2015/10/15/octobers-intention-balancing-act/#respondThu, 15 Oct 2015 18:33:15 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=93October is one of my favorite months. Not only does Halloween loom on the last day like a decadent dessert waiting to happen after a long, sensible meal, but it’s usually the first month that feels like autumn and, in Texas, there’s the Texas State Fair to look forward to.

This year – the year of intentions – during the month of October, my focus has been on maintaining balance in my life on a daily basis. I’m not good at balance. I never have been. Yet I’ve been in active search of it for much of my adult life. Part of my challenge with balance is the field I work in. In the performing arts, everything revolves around the production of a show. The cycle looks something like this: there’s usually the slow build (that can sometimes feel like a death march) as all of the logistics fall into place, then all hell breaks loose with the condensed rehearsal schedule when folks are working long days, then there’s the chaos of previews and opening night. Once a show is open, there is usually a moment to take a breath (meaning, depending on one’s job, only working 50-hour weeks instead of 80), followed by closing a few days or weeks later when everyone collapses into a big, sleep-deprived, uber-emotional heap. Depending on how many shows one is involved in each year, there can end up being only a few days or weeks between each of these marathons. Needless to say, balance – the kind of work/life balance I crave – isn’t a trait I’ve seen very often in my friends and coworkers and it certainly isn’t one that I’ve mastered.

In the past 15 months, Brett and I bought a house and moved, we got married, I left one stable theater job for the life of a freelance artist and teacher, I started a nonprofit youth theater company and put up our first show. It was a lot. Any one or two of those would be enough for someone to navigate in a year, but all of them together in such a short time drained everything out of me. Two months ago I collapsed. I didn’t get out of bed for a week. When I finally did, I spent two weeks off the grid reading and working in the garden. It was awesome and rejuvenating. It also gave me time to reflect on where I’m at in life now and how I can better master the art of balance moving forward.

By the time the end of August rolled around, I wasn’t anywhere near 100 percent, but was able to start up my job again as an adjunct at a local community college. It took another month (and a trip to a tropical island) for me to feel rested and ready to take on the next big challenge. Which brings me to October. Heading into October I was set to direct the fall show at the college. In doing so, I was determined to maintain my new-found sense of balance.

We’re mid-way through the month and, according to my husband, I’m doing pretty good on the whole balance thing because I’m “not acting like a crazy person.” Yay for that. There’s two weeks left for my alter-ego Maude (a crazy, wild-haired lunatic) to come out. So, here’s what I’m doing to keep some balance and perspective in my life:

Getting 8 hours of sleep each night. When I am knee-deep in a big project (i.e. a show) sleep is the first thing that goes. I recently got a Fitbit which tracks everything, including my sleep and its quality. It’s confirmed for me that anything less than 8 hours of sleep and I am sleepy and cranky. If I get less than 8 hours of sleep multiple nights in a row, I lose functionality.

Eating healthful foods and staying away from my go-to, “stress-relieving” vices: alcohol, junk food and cigarettes. I’m actually on day four of The Blood Sugar Solution diet (no processed anything, no dairy, no added sugar of any form, no alcohol, no gluten). My meals have been consisting of fruit, veggies, protein, nuts and seeds. I actually feel awesome. I think I may have a dairy allergy which breaks my soul because I love cheese. But, after four days off dairy, I feel better than I have in a long while. (Caveat: I didn’t feel awesome for a couple of days especially because I wasn’t eating breakfast. Now I am and I feel good.)

Unplugging at night. I’ve read more books this year than probably the previous three years combined. Rather than laying in bed scrolling through Facebook and reading news online, I’m trying to read a book. The challenge is that both Brett and I use our cell phones as alarm clocks. So, I sometimes, without thinking, end up scrolling mindlessly while laying in bed. I’m contemplating buy us old-fashioned alarm clocks and banning cell phones from the bedroom entirely.

Creating and following to-do lists. More important for me, though, is knowing when to set the to-do lists down at the end of the day. Lists are great to keep organized and it forces me to do some of the tedious things I need to but don’t want to. But, lists can become a monster. So, I use this one with care.

Walking and thinking. There are a host of studies on the importance of taking time to let one’s mind go free from the to-do lists. One great article was in the NY Times last year. More and more, companies are starting to recognize the need for their knowledge workers to have time to think. It leads to creativity and problem solving. Lately, I’ve combined my “thinking/reflecting” time with walking the dog. So, I’m killing two birds with one stone. And my Fitbit acknowledges those efforts when I hit my step goal later in the day. It’s 30-40 minutes of “me” time (with the occasional stop to pick up poop). I’ve found it invaluable and have, on more than one occasion, figured out the solution to a problem or come up with what I think is a brilliant idea to pursue.

Spending dedicated time with those closest to me. Sadly, this is another one that goes when I’m busy. Working late into the evening means missing time with family and friends. But, I’m trying to be better about this. I can’t do anything about my schedule when rehearsals are late afternoons/evenings. But, I can carve out time most days each week to even just sit with my husband and have dinner at the dining room table rather than in front of the television. We also have a set date night each week. We hold to it religiously.

]]>http://mararichards.com/2015/10/15/octobers-intention-balancing-act/feed/0Postscript on April’s Intention: Love Festhttp://mararichards.com/2015/09/23/postscript-on-aprils-intention-love-fest/
http://mararichards.com/2015/09/23/postscript-on-aprils-intention-love-fest/#respondWed, 23 Sep 2015 19:14:08 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=96This post was drafted in April for my year of setting monthly goals. Before I get back on track with writing one for October, I decided to go ahead and publish this one…

One day in January 2015, I walked in for a noon yoga class and saw one of my friends from teacher training. She took one look at me with a “what’s wrong” face, and I instantly burst into tears. Turns out, the first year of marriage is tough. Really tough. She listened as I talked about how strained my relationship with Brett felt before saying “Yeah, the first year of marriage is the hardest. There was a moment or two when I wondered who I’d married.” So, I wasn’t the only one to have had that thought. In the days and weeks following our conversation, I asked a few people about this seeming truism, and they all agreed and offered their tales of the challenges in their first years of marriage.

Depending on who you ask, the reasons the first year is so challenging varies. Shared money, extended families, differing expectations on who does what, no longer having a wedding to look forward to – I heard each of these. For me and Brett, I think a lot of it has to do with getting married when we were older and more set in our ways. And when we had each been living by a different set of rules and experiences up to that point, the conversations around our differences became pretty intense. There’s a reason why, in our vows, he promised to put up with my craziness and I promised to put up with his stoic facade. Those personality traits can make communicating about differences really REALLY challenging.

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. – Kahlil Gibran

Right around the time I was Googling first-year-marriage-and-divorce statistics, I asked him to go to a therapist with me. Since we didn’t do premarital counseling, I wanted someone to sit down with us early on and and give us some tools to better communicate and get on the same page. We went, got the shit scared out of us, cried, proceeded have some really difficult conversations, and since, things have been better – much better. And, each month since gets even better.

Back in April, I decided to (quietly) devote the month to focusing on our relationship. I tried to do so primarily by:

Remaining calm as we talked about money and taxes. I grew up in a home where no one discussed money. Ever. He grew up in one where it was discussed constantly. Those differences have shaped how we engage with money. And, since that month was the first time we were dealing with joint taxes, I knew it had the potential to be really stressful.

Making a point of stepping away from the computer for at least an hour each day and instead doing something to make the new house feel like home. Since I was working mostly from home, this made sense.

And, in a move straight from the book this year’s list of intentions is based on, The Happiness Project, giving “proofs” of love without expecting any praise or acknowledgement in return. I’m big on acknowledgement. When I do something – anything – I want to be appreciated. So, taking a month to just do nice things to show my love and not point them out nor expect anything in return was huge.

We’re now five months after this original post was written and a little more than two weeks away from our one-year anniversary. The “goals” from April now come naturally. And, our relationship has never been better. People say the love grows after marriage – I didn’t really believe that before. I do now. When we do have a difficult conversation – which isn’t that often – it no longer feels like World War III is breaking out in our home. We communicate better and appreciate each other more (and are more intentional about expressing it to one another). We also laugh – a lot.

]]>http://mararichards.com/2015/09/23/postscript-on-aprils-intention-love-fest/feed/0Reflection on a Month of Aiming Higherhttp://mararichards.com/2015/04/07/reflection-on-a-month-of-aiming-higher/
http://mararichards.com/2015/04/07/reflection-on-a-month-of-aiming-higher/#respondTue, 07 Apr 2015 17:33:25 +0000http://mararichards.com/?p=75I’m not even sure how to start this blog post and if it weren’t for the fact I promised to hold myself accountable each month, I would probably skip it. So, March was focused on my professional life – especially the nonprofit youth theater company I’m launching. Here’s a quick summary of the month:

I was hired as an adjudicator for two days at the Independent Schools Association of the Southwest Fine Arts Festival in Fort Worth

I went on nine meetings – with artists, potential funders, and other stakeholders

I filed the 501c3 paperwork so that Cry Havoc can accept donations

I put together and taught several teen workshops held at one of the local libraries

I read two plays and one novel, and am now working with a local playwright on a piece inspired by that novel (The Outsiders)

I have begun asking for help (a huge accomplishment for me)

I also survived one more snow day (March 5th) and my in-laws coming to visit us for the first time at our new home

There are a several things I intended to do that didn’t happen. I didn’t submit my CV for additional adjunct work or get an accounting system set up or apply to the two funding opportunities that exist for Cry Havoc right now. And much to the chagrin of a few people, I’m not ready to announce anything for the theater company this summer. But the delay in most of this comes down to space. Someday soon I’ll write an entire post about the dearth of available, affordable space for theater artists in Dallas to use. When you add minors to the mix, the space question gets unbelievably and stupidly complicated (who is responsible if Johnny decides to break a chair?). One must really have a generous patron willing to donate already outfitted space or space that is easily transformed. And, to use the words of one particularly nasty fellow from one of the Dallas owned buildings, from his perspective there is “difficulty in justifying making a pro bono contribution of use of a tax-payer funded building to a new, unproven entity. What other groups would expect similar treatment in the name of fairness?” I didn’t point out that I and my husband are two of those tax payers.

Last week as I was driving to Corsicana to see a friend’s one act play in UIL competition, I called Brett almost in tears asking for a pep talk. The space challenge is a serious one and all the eager beavers who are concerned about their plans for the summer are breathing down my neck (as if I’m sitting at home twiddling my thumbs). Being the good husband he is, he pointed out that in four months I’ve filed a nonprofit, worked with a branding firm, met with countless people, built a website, and am working with a playwright on a new piece. I guess that made me feel marginally better. And so, I trudge on. Since each month’s goal in 2015 is cumulative, I’ll continue working on the space thing this month, and, in fact, by April 10th will have gone on nine meetings about it in ten days. More to come soon.