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I’ve been dating someone for seven years and I’ve really fallen out of love. In fact I truly believe I haven’t loved him for the last three years. I don’t want to break his heart so I’ve stayed with him. He really hasn’t done anything wrong; he’s just not the guy for me. How can I break up with him without being a horrible person?

Ashley, 33

Breakups are never easy, not for the one being broken up with or the one doing the breakup. But what’s even harder than dealing with a breakup is being with someone who isn’t completely in love with you.

You may feel as though you are doing him a favour by staying with him, but you are actually hurting him more than a breakup would. Real and complete love does wonders for people; it can completely motivate them and make them feel wonderful. Being loved gives people this feeling of fulfillment, something many of us strive for.

Even though you are with him, you most likely aren’t providing him with this type of love. How could you when you aren’t even in love with him? You may be subconsciously holding back in a lot of aspects within the relationship, therefore not giving him the kind of love that someone else could give him. He could be with a woman who is head over heels with him, someone who could give him the love you aren’t.

Isn’t knowing that worse than breaking up with him? Don’t deprive him of the complete head-over-heels type of love. It’s the best feeling in the world and we all deserve it.

All this said, it’s obvious that breaking up with him is the only fair and right thing you can do. Be honest with him and yourself and let him know how you feel. Be kind and heartfelt about it and do it in the same way you would want someone to break up with you. Give him the chance to grieve and be angry, as these are normal feelings to go through after any breakup, especially after a long-term relationship. And most of all be supportive.

Know that he may still be in love with you and want the relationship to continue. This may cause him to do things to make the relationship work and for you to stay. But if you really feel you aren’t in love with him anymore, then you need to be strong and stick with your decision and not stay with him out of sympathy or guilt.

Best of luck,

Sherry

Have a dating question we can feature on this column? Looking for a dating coach? Contact Sherry at bootcamp2love@hotmail.com
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