Express Yourself -A Critical Analysis

Stuck in traffic, a crappy song on the usual satellite radio stations I frequent, I popped over to the eighties channel and was “blessed” with some Madonna.

“Express Yourself” blared from my speakers and contrary to normal policy, I let it play as frankly it isn’t all that terrible sounding (and my mind was elsewhere). A few blocks further and I started actually listening to the lyrics and not just the Harpy singing them or the thumping pseudo funk programmed music that accompanies her harsh screeching. I remembered the days gone by when young women clambered over one another to buy her records, dress like her and become a “diva” being a modernization of the term that now means a person who does what they do and doesn’t feel they should answer to anyone else’s social constructs. i.e. “I’m a diva, deal with it”.
Aside: I don’t think this has done much for society apart from turn a generation of people into self important folks with a false sense of entitlement, but who am I? A guy that over-interprets things, that’s who.

Prepare for analysis Madonna.

I put forward that this is not an anthem of self respect; it is a terrible song with a confusing message.

Come on girlsDo you believe in love?‘Cause I got something to say about itAnd it goes something like this

The song starts with a promise that Madonna has some advice for the masses. Okay Eyebrows, lets hear it.

Don’t go for second best babyPut your love to the testYou know, you know you’ve got toMake him express how he feels and maybeThen you’ll know your love is real

So. You should not settle when choosing a person to be in a relationship with. Okay, that’s reasonable but right off the bat you are going to force him to express his emotions? Really? Hard stop. I’m male. Unless we’ve been in a long term relationship, we have no emotions. We have a desire to continue being in a relationship with you, maybe, but if you constantly press us to “be open” we will lie. It’s what we do because we want to keep dating you/seeing you/waking up beside you.

You don’t need diamond rings or eighteen karat goldFancy cars that go very fastYou know they never last, no noWhat you need is a big strong hand toLift you to your higher ground

So, you don’t need material items to show we care for you (see Material Girl), even though diamonds “last forever”, but you do need us to be physically strong because as a woman, you need that to be at your peak. Noted. Off to the gym I guess and put the credit card away. We are eating at Swiss Chalet tonight Eyebrows.

Make you feel like a queen on a throneMake him love you till you can’t come downYou’ll never come down

Treat you like a queen, but don’t buy you nice things or have a nice car, go to the gym and get buff. That’s what being the alpha-boyfriend is.

Chorus (back to the emotional requirements)

Long stem roses are the way to your heart butHe needs to start with your headSatin sheets are very romanticWhat happens when you’re not in bedYou deserve the best in lifeSo if the time isn’t right then move onSecond best is never enoughYou’ll do much better baby on your ownBaby on your own

So, no flowers, mind control through empty promises of happily ever after. If we have a nice décor in our bedroom it’s because we are obviously screwing around on you so it’s two hundred thread count rough as Hugh Jackman’s face bedding for Eyebrows. If you aren’t one hundred percent happy you should leave because being alone and free of the ups and downs of a normal relationship is best.

Crappy Chorus

Second semi-chorus saying the same things.

And when you’re gone he might regret itThink about the love he once hadTry to carry onBut he just won’t get itHe’ll be back on his kneesTo express himselfYou’ve got to make himExpress himselfHey hey

So when you leave, perhaps because we spent money on you, had nice bedding, didn’t go to the gym or didn’t have all the emotional baggage you think we should have, we will crawl back to you (ha!) because you are so amazing and we absolutely cannot follow your own specific advice and live life on our own for a while.

Repetition of all of the above a number of times to drill it into your head.

YOU ARE NUMBER ONE, YOU DESERVE PERFECTION IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM IF THEY ARE NOT PERFECT BUT DON’T WORRY THEY WILL COME BACK BEGGING YOU TO RECONSIDER…

Verdict: What a crap song with terrible morals and messages hidden beneath a feminist veneer.

Okay, back to whatever I was doing this evening. Oh right, going to the gym.