Sunday, November 28, 2010

I should be finishing a final. however its not timed so I'm not really worried about it. Instead I'm watching Jockeys and writing a new blog. Today has been a decently okay day. Went out to eat and found out I have enough for another meal on a gift card I got a little while ago. It is also the day that I've walked the furthest in a week. Sad to say, still hurts like all get out. Even now as I sit here I just want to moan and curl up into a little ball so I don't have to deal with the pain. I keep hoping that someone cancels their appointment for tomorrow so I can get in a day earlier. Not sure what a big difference a day makes, but I'm convinced it will make one. I'm just not feeling this whole limping around campus and getting asked "Where are your crutches?" I hate crutches. We don't get along. I hate being made fun of for using them and I hate people think that I need help when I am on them.SighI'm 18 days out from going back to Missouri. Lately I've been being plagued by thoughts of my horses. I really miss them and I hate that the perfect time for me to ride is spent in school. Pictures, movies and tv shows just aren't the same. One of the things I want to do is polish all my tack and then crush out my horses and make them all pretty. Most of all I think I miss that horsecrazy girl I used to be with no inhibitions and the world at her feet.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving break has been rather unproductive thus far for me. If you look at it work wise at least. I did get to watch a few of my old favorite movies and then on thanksgiving day cook a fair bit of food. Also created this little giraffe named Jeffery that is slightly neurotic because he has so spots, so he makes up for it by wearing a sweater vest. That's about all the update there is about this break. I have about four things to do, which I may or may not do before tomorrow. Hopefully I'll find the motivation to do them somewhere. Hopefully!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I can't walk very well. I haven't been able to for over a week now. I've been hobbling around either on my own feet or crutches, which I have decided are my worst enemy ever. Crutches are not my friends. Never will be. Anyway, I took a nap today. This nap was brilliant and induced by the amazing pain meds I'm taking now that cause me to sleep and not feel anything. This nap had a great dream in which I was running and jumping and leaping like a little unicorn. It was magical! So when I awoke out of my magical jumping dream, for some reason, I thought that I would be able to leap from my bed and begin the day anew. Unfortunately, I forgot the whole "I'm a slight cripple and landing on the bad leg causes intense pain and collapse". So, after the whole *BADUM!* of jumping out of bed, I was stricken with a gut wrenching realization of "NO" and collapsed on the ground. There I lay. Pathetic and withering on the ground in pain. Then the haze from the sleep lifted and I realized more clearly, I cannot move normally. And that I was kinda hungry. After many more minutes of laying on the floor wondering first what I could eat and second how I was going to get up, the thought of rolling came to me. Rolling is less effective in a dorm room than one would think. Instead of rolling to my closet where I would use the sink to pull myself up, somehow I rolled into my bed, cornering myself. Slowly, I just gave in. I was never getting up.

Then I realized I was being dumb and could use the bed to pull myself up.

That was the clearest moment of my day. Now I can sit here, off the floor and happily with my easy mac and coke recounting the story for you. Take that crutches I didn't use but probably should have!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

So I haven't posted in a while because of two main things, NMC and the internet being down at school. The NMC was pretty dang amazing, got to connect with a few friends, made new ones and it was generally just a good time. However, I was a bit of a bum because walking was not of my favorite things. I got hurt playing soccer and it was pretty bad. Such is life.

Right now, pretty much everyone has left because of Thanksgiving break. Before I went to college, Thanksgiving was spent at my one of my grandparent's house, now its spent either alone or with a couple of friends. Its pretty quiet and I like it that way. Christmas break is going to be pretty hectic and stuff. But that's cool.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The vast majority of packing for me is done! Huzzah! Now I'm just hanging out until I decide it is time to crash so that I can get up super early for the National Missionary Convention. I'd say more, but there really isn't anything to say on it. I'm going. Bum leg and all. Oh. That. Yeah, its just as bad as it was yesterday and the only brightside is I may not end up in the er this time. Down side is no soccer for the rest of the semester. That I am super bummed over. Oh well.

I'm pretty excited about the NMC. But not all at once. Mix of emotions!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

In a little more than 24 hours I will be on my way to Lexington Kentucky for the National Missionary Convention! This breaks my streak of being the only cross-cultural major to not go every year. Its a bittersweet ending to that. Luckily, in my van, I am not the only driver! Woot! Only a nice five hour drive for me! When we get there, I'm working the booth for MACU- so you should stop by- and hanging out with the kids Saturday all day! Yeah! I'm super excited about working with the kids!Anyway, that's pretty much all the excitement. In other news, soccer was fun. Managed to get a little hurt, but not too worried about it yet so we'll see what the diagnosis is tomorrow. Either way, I'm about ready to take a bunch of advil and call it a night. To keep you all entertained....I give you....Marcel the shell with shoes on!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

This was a very crafty weekend! Two ugly dolls and a cupcake! The cupcake will go to a friend tomorrow, and I am really excited to see their face. I made it a chocolate one instead of vanilla, because well, as every girl knows, chocolate is just better! There may be a vanilla one in the future, maybe with blueberry icing instead of strawberry! A couple people have already asked if they could buy one from me, which is weird for me. I'm not used to people liking my stuff so much....Anyway....productive weekend craft wise, specially after the funk I was in trying to think of things to make. My mom wants me to make an ugly doll with catnip for her cat, Gusgus. So, I should probably work on that sometime soon! Hope everyone's weekend went well!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Tonight was Y-Night. Basically, if you don't know what that is, the local YMCA allows us to take over their building for a few hours. Typically, quite a few people show up, however this time there were very few people. This made me a little sad because I always hear about how there is nothing to do on campus, how few opportunities we have to hang together off of campus and how no one ever wants to do anything. Now, I understand that its a Friday night and people have things to do on the weekends, but come on! Don't complain if you aren't willing to stay an extra night or get off your duff. Anyway, I had a good time. One of my friends who I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with was there and it was really nice to get to hang out with her for a while. She's a lovely gal, and I hope that she knows that.

Beyond that, next week is the National Missionary Convention. I'm kinda excited to be going but apprehensive at the same time. Its in the same state as someone who I haven't spoken to in a long while and the hopeless romantic in me kinda hopes that this person will be there and we'll run into each other, but at the same time that notion scares the heck out of me. It probably won't happen, but you never know. I am going to be working the MACU booth while there some of the time, and also helping with the kids. I'm really excited to be working with the kids because its been a while since I've gotten to do that. From what its looking like, its going to be a pretty neat couple of days. Oh, also, I'm one of the drivers. Which is much less exciting, however I'm one of the few students here who logs over 4,200 driving miles in a school year.

All in all, this has been a relatively calm week. I have only one paper to complete this weekend and a test to study for. Not too bad of a homework load. I started making a doll this evening. Not like a baby doll, more like the ugly dolls. All of the other projects are done (see previous post) so I think I may work up a couple hats and gloves. I'm kinda looking forward to a relaxing weekend full of watching Doogie Howser, MD and making cute things.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

There really hasn't been a whole lot of crafting going on lately. Made a cute elephant, the flower hat, another hat and a quick hat for a friend. I was going to make a tam hat for another friend, but I ran out of yarn for it. Anyway, I didn't get a lot of pictures, and I'm hoping to get the kids to model their hats for me one of these days because 1. they are super adorable and 2. I'm pretty sure people are tired of seeing my head model stuff and 3. they are super adorable! I'm not sure what the next project will be, mostly waiting to see if anyone wants anything made for this season's Christmas gifts (hint hint) I've got a little price list all done up, and the roommate tells me its quite reasonable and she's pretty sure I'm doing it too cheap. But the deal still stands, if yarn is brought, I will fashion and its your choice to tip or not. This reminded me I need to check to see if someone wants their yarn back.... But yeah! I'm looking for new ideas for projects. I think I may try my hand at kitty toys since I just got a new one. Toss the ideas at me! If you need super sweet Christmas gifts...let me know! :)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I like silence. I enjoy not having music on at at times so the quiet hum of electricity can be heard. I like to turn off the radio in the car so the wooshing air and the rubber on asphalt can be heard. I especially enjoy quiet in bible studies. After a question is asked, I'd much rather hear silence. I like silence.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Today I was told that even though I'm open and willing to share who I am and everything, I'm not willing to give that information up. Its true. I've been burned before by people, so I'm not going to just readily give away information about myself unless the right questions are asked. It isn't anything against people, it's a self-preserving mechanism that I have adopted over time to save myself heartache.

Honestly thought, sometimes I wish I was more open.

Everyday I get to see people that are close. And today in psychology class when I was asked what the social norms were for the group of peers I was in, I asked the teacher what she wanted specifically because I didn't understand. I did. I just didn't want to sound like the loser who didn't have a real group to fit into. There is no one clique that I can point to and say, "Those are my peeps." It frustrates and saddens me a bit.

One day it'll change.

At least I'm pretty sure it will. Someday, someone, is going to notice me and decide that they want to get to know me better, know me more. And then, others may follow suit. Eventually there'll be a group of people that know me. The inner me. And not think its weird, strange or dorky. I'm excited for that day and hope that it comes soon. Because I'm tired of feeling like I'm on the outskirts of the inside.

I know that you dislike bright lights, noise, practically every sound, but I cannot make special accommodations for you. You see, you chose to take up residence in my head in the middle of the afternoon when a bunch of activity happens and the sun is shining full force. That was not my call, twas yours. Now seeing that we cannot see eye to eye on how operations should run around here, I suggest your pack up and move to a different head. I'm sorry that this may come off as a bit rude, however, I do have a bit of studying to do and would like to get that done.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I feel super productive today. I cleaned my car and my room and managed to wash all of my laundry and put away summer clothes. Not only did I manage to do all of that, but I also got a bit of homework done and shortly I will be doing a pretty little elephant. Super fun day! Tomorrow I hope to get everything else that I need to do homework wise tomorrow, along with a couple hats. Feelin pretty snazzy about all of that right now.

Oh did I mention I made some pretty cute turkeys out of pumpkins? No? Well, I did. Probably the most adorable turkeys on earth. You'll just have to believe me because I'm not going to load a picture tonight.

Yup. Today has been good to me. Hopefully tomorrow is just as productive. Maybe tonight I'll go to bed at the time I used to in high school...yeah...that's not going to happen. Oh! Maybe I'll reward myself by going out to see Megamind! Hmm...yeah...no...I think I'll just watch a movie on netflicks or another site. Relaxing night away!

So, because I have nothing else to do on my Friday night and have been planning on it for a while anyway, I made a new hat. Not for me. For someone else. So here it is in all its not so great picture quality....

Its supposed to be a flower hat for a little girl. The size scares me cause I'm not used to making little people hats, but its stretchy so it should work. Tomorrow I plan on making another elephant, for a different person and maybe another hat. So let me know what you think of this one. Thanks!

Sometimes I find it funny that the people who are supposed to know you well, never take notice when you're sunk the lowest. But people who know you on the surface and maybe a bit below, notice from yards away. Its not humorous in a laughing way, more quixotic I suppose.

I suppose one day they'll notice, when they aren't so busy and such.

At least there is tomorrow to look forward to. Tonight was a near disaster.

Today was the day that I did chapel with a friend of mine. Our topic was addiction. There was a realyl great skit that a few of our friends helped us out with (Thank you!) and a video. It all went off without a hitch and was pretty dang awesome. I spoke this chapel and here is what I said:

Addiction. That's such a funny word. It can be positive or negative. I'm addicted to Jesus! I'm addicted to love! I'm addicted to serving! I'm addicted to meth. I'm addicted to porn. I'm addicted to alcohol. Do you know what addiction means? Addiction is the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice. To be addicted to something means that you are devoted or given up to a practice or habit or to something psychologically or physically habit-forming. Doesn't sound too bad if you're addicted to something positive, does it? We're surrounded to addiction every day. From religion, to drugs, people, and ideals... people are addicted to something somewhere at all times. We're all addicted to something.

Addiction isn't just to drugs, alcohol and the like. Its also feelings, desires and ideals. My father was addicted to feeling bigger than the rest of us. He needed to always feel as if he was in control, like the top dog, big kahuna. His addiction drove him too far sometimes, and most of the time he didn't realize that he wasn't in control anymore. His addiction was being in control. Now don't start assuming he was a completely horrible man, he does have some redeeming factors. He's just one of the many examples of people who are blindly addicted to a feeling.

You can also think about girls in high school, or boys for that matter. Their need to be noticed, hip, smooth. They are addicted to attention. They crave that feeling that you get when someone of the opposite sex notices you for the first time, that feeling of, “they saw me.” They need to have the clothes, hair, makeup, shoes....all of those things that make you 'in'. It just feeds their addiction. They are addicted to attention.

What am I addicted to? I would love to say that I'm one of those people who are just simply addicted to Jesus. I'd be lying if I said I was. I'm not addicted like I should be. Simply being wanted. I am addicted to the need to be accepted, wanted, loved, needed. Crazy, I know. My body hungers for the feeling of being a part of something. My soul aches when its left on the outskirts. I am addicted to being wanted.

But even with this desire, I know that it'll break. And it's been breaking, slowly, cautiously over the past years. How you ask? Because I found the key to end this addiction. You all know it, whether you choose to acknowledge it or not. Its love. Love breaks addiction. Love is what calls families to have interventions with the ones that are addicted in their family. True love is what is trying to have an intervention in yours. This love is so easy to have, but so hard to recognize. Its just beckoning for you to hear it above the roar of your addictions. It wants you so badly to change. It poured out its life and blood just so you can be free from the things that hold you down. Love wants you and me. Its taken me a long time to realize this. My intervention from my addiction has been staged. Its not going to be easy. But slowly, I am learning that Love is the only thing that will take that consuming desire and replace it with something so much better. Love is waiting for you too to say that you are tired of always wanting more of something else, more of your addiction. It can't do it for you. It may seem harrowing, but its worth it. I'm sure its worth it. I don't know what your addiction is. Honestly, I don't want to know either. Its between you and God. You know what you have to do. You've heard it a million times, a million different ways. I'm sure, like me, you've given it up for a short while, just to go crawling back when withdrawal kicks in. But, if you can last through that time, you're going to find something so much better. Love.

So that's what I had to say about addiction. I hope you thought it was okay. Thanks for reading.