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I feel a lot of the time like you do at the end of the day. When your body begins to shut down and you know it's time to go to sleep. Words can't come to me, my train of thought can't streamline, I lose a lot of focus. I don't know why this is. Whether it's the Stribild I'm taking, the HIV, or the depression. Maybe it's all of the above. But I feel sometimes, even in the middle of the day, like you do when you start to become buzzed by alcohol. Only it's not a pleasant feeling. Because it's daytime and you should be energetic and focused. I feel half of the energy and focus my mind and body used to have before. It's not only frustrating but it can be embarrassing while trying to hold a conversation with someone. Does anyone else experience this or can relate?

Hi there, I guess I would ask if you are currently taking medication. For the sake of this conversation I am going to assume that you are. That said, the battle of depression and stigma seem to be the greatest hurdles we face since medication are fairly precise in getting VL under control. So, it might be that,,,, but as always it is always good to check with your doc and tell him/her the same thing,,, they might have something that will make you right as rain

I hope things get better, but in the mean time you always have a friend here and should you need to chat, let me know.

Hey newt. Yeah I am undetectable and have a CD4 count above 800. Yet it still feels every day like my body is dealing with this disease. I've been POZ for almost 5 years now though and it hasn't gotten any easier on my body. But yes I think the depression I've been under for years now could be a big part. I'm working on fixing that and have serious hopes it will alleviate some of this. Thanks so much.

Hello Pontus. Thank you so much for your words. Yeah I have been on Stribild since December 2012, Atripla before that. For almost 5 years now. I do think the depression has a large part to play in all of this. I wasn't sure how many people suffer from these same side effects though with having HIV and from the meds. I'm going to see my doctor at the end of August though, and against my desires, I think I'm going to get on a very low dosage anti-depressant. Not permanently, but as long as needed while I'm going to a therapist as well. Thank you for reaching out to me in friendship. I really appreciate that .

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Hi Ann. Yeah I have been tested and have gotten all of my shots, fortunately. I may just be feeling like this due to a combo of things. I'm definitely going to talk to my doctor about it all at the end of next month when I go. Hopefully he can give me some incite.

I've been on antidepressants for most of the last 40 years. I found out along the way that a few of my mom's siblings also were, or should have been, treated for depression.Twenty years ago I got greatly fatigued. Because of the fatigue, I went to get tested again & I was Poz. So the fatigue came before the knowledge of the HIV. The psychiatrist put me on Concerta, time-released Ritalin; it's made a huge difference in my life. I continued in my demanding career for 11 more years.

If you have hiv, and you are tired, fatigued or feel hopeless, I suggest that you see a mental health professional. They have really helped me.Hugs from Provincetown, Deibster

Hmmm... are you perhaps confusing hep B with hep C? I'm asking because there is no vaccine for hep C, unlike hep B, and it sounds like you're talking about hep B. If you're unsure (now that I've mentioned this), ask your doctor at your next appointment if you were also tested for hep C.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Most poz people are routinely tested for hep B, because if they don't have it, or never had it and so never created antibodies against it, they can be vaccinated and protected going forward.

However, people are often not tested for hep C unless they have elevated liver enzymes. The problem with that is people who have hep C often don't have elevated liver enzymes. When I had it, my liver enzymes were normal aside from the rare, occasional blip.

While there is no vaccine for hep C, there are treatments that allow some people to clear the virus, and around 20% of people will clear it on their own. (I was successfully treated about ten years ago, after having it for nearly twenty years.)

On the flip-side, around 80% of people who contract hep B will clear it on their own, and will then have the antibodies against it to protect them.

That doesn't happen with hep C - even if you clear it (medically or otherwise), you can still get it again. I believe that's one of the reasons there's still no hep C vaccine. Another reason is because there are so many different genotypes.

In the case of hep B, sometimes people can lose their antibody protection, so folks at risk should be re-tested occasionally to make sure they're still producing enough antibodies to afford protection. People with hiv and low CD4 counts can sometimes have a difficult time generating enough antibodies via the vaccine, and will need further injections.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Treat the depression. Therapy. Drugs.. Both. I used SSRIs to get out of my depression. Then I was off the SSRIs but kind of unfocused so like the other poster deibster, went on a ritalin type drug. Perfectly called "Focalin" as a matter of fact. It was the kick I needed. Not sure how the long term is going to work out with this drug, but one day at a time.

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Yeah I agree. I've used Lexapro and Zoloft a long time ago before the HIV. I think I might need to get on something very low dose for a while as I'm in therapy as well. I feel like I've lost that light that I used to have inside myself and I have no idea how to get it back. Only issue with using those drugs in the past is they didn't help me in the long run. They made me just as bad in different ways. I've suffered from depression since I was in high school though so maybe I need to be medicated for life, I don't know. I know my issue with taking them before though was the lack of consistent therapy. A therapist once told me it's a huge mistake for many, anyone on antidepressants or the like, should be in regular therapy as well. The pill won't fix your problems, you have to do that with a lot of work. The pill is just supposed to help balance you in the mean time. Either ways, I'm using every tool in my arsenal to fix my depression and give myself a clean slate. Accepting the past and remembering it, but coping with it in a better manner and exercising forgiveness for it all.

Hey Theyer. Thank you for the response . Most people will ask me if I'm ok, I just let them know I'm tired and then we do something relaxing. I'm trying to find as many healthy ways as I can to get more energy.

I'm glad you see the same way. That's why I'm apprehensive about getting back on them.

I definitely am a fighter. It's the only reason I'm alive today for sure. Not to mention retaining my sanity and self. That's a very nice thing to say. I thank you for betting on me .

Sorry I just saw you reply Deibster. Yeah I have depression in my family too. My dad's side is full of it. Plus my mom suffers from it. It's no wonder that it might be a suffering from it my whole life. I would like to not be medicated forever, but if I end up not having a choice due to biological reasons, then I guess I'll have to.

I am going to a mental health professional soon. So that's a really good thing.

You may want to ask your doctor to refer you to a neurologist. I have been in decline the last couple of years and plan on bringing it up with my doc in September. I have the same symptoms as you. Feeling kind of out of it. Slow. Trouble putting words together. Feeling my best days are behind me. Foggy. I've read HIV can directly infect brain cells causing neurological problems.

Phillypinko, oh wow that's kind of scary to think about. I'm experiencing everything you've just said though. Sometimes I even jumble my words or the wrong words come out. My brain just misfires and sometimes the words don't even come to me. It worries me a lot. Do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm only 31 and I can't imagine things already getting like this at my age ((.

Well dont worry in ignorance. Its doesn't seem likely that HIV is destroying your brain. In any event you have to find out whats up... Treat the depression and/or any other mental health challenges and maybe try a combination change for the HAART? Get a complete physical if possible - see where you are with everything everything everything. Would help to have one dedicated physician working to centralize and direct this search. Any age is too young to fade away into a fog, but 31? May i ask, do you work?

« Last Edit: July 29, 2013, 10:40:04 AM by mecch »

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Mecch,Yeah I'm going to try to not get wrapped up in that. Your plan sounds like a good one though and I will move forward with that. All of my physicals turn out great every time, luckily. Had one in January and I had good health. I go to a nice doctors office that is gay centric and my doctor is gay. So I'm going to get him working on this. I don't work right now and I haven't since January, but I'm going to start volunteering in the next week. I've already been to interviews and such. I'm excited about it.

Hello eric48,Yeah I'm working on that end of things to make my situation better. I'm sure a lot of it is the depression and not necessarily my HIV. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up getting on something to fight the depression, and I'm already starting on therapy. Hopefully I begin to feel better soon.

Phillypinko, oh wow that's kind of scary to think about. I'm experiencing everything you've just said though. Sometimes I even jumble my words or the wrong words come out. My brain just misfires and sometimes the words don't even come to me. It worries me a lot. Do you mind me asking how old you are? I'm only 31 and I can't imagine things already getting like this at my age ((.

Im 41. I think sometimes it is a symptom of anxiety. My nerves are shot. im over everyone and everything.

Phillypinko, I could identify with that for sure. I feel exactly the same way at times. I have a ton of anxiety. Sometimes get fed up with it all. The only thing we can do is figure out was to enrich our lives, focus on the things that make us happy, and try to let go of a lot of the scars. I'm trying to do this now because I don't have a choice anymore and don't want to live an unhappy life.

Getting out of the house, feeling useful to others, taking your mind off your own world, yeah you should start volunteering. And look for a job too. I know the market isn't easy. Unemployment can hurt the spirit. You have to make a point to stay involved and find positive feedback.

« Last Edit: August 01, 2013, 02:03:06 AM by mecch »

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Phillypinko,I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can get through it as well. I think I'll suffer my whole life from depression, I have so far since high school. But we have to make the most of our lives regardless and think of every way possible to get past our issues. There's so many tools out there to help fix ourselves, we just have to look for them.

Mecch,I agree completely and that is the exact path I'm going. The past week and a half I have been getting out of the house and doing things finally and meeting people and getting these volunteer ops going. I've noticed the days that I haven't gotten out tend to turn out worse. It's because be being in this house all day. Left alone to my thoughts and frustrations. I can't work yet as I don't have a work visa here in Canada, but this volunteer stuff is turning out to be demanding so it will take the place of a job.

Im looking for part time work. I have no idea where you guys find the motivation to work 40+ hours a week. All I want to do is take walks on the beach and lay in bed with my dog.

Most of my jobs over the past 30 years have given me energy, rather than being energy drains. Also, theres the financial reward, and also the financial necessity. I don't do well at all, healthwise, and mentally, if I'm in a bad job and I can't imagine a way out to something better. IMO, if you have a job you like and/or that gives rewards, its a big blessing in life. Its like decent health. Another blessing.

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“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I can relate to how you feel phillypinko. I think that is in large part though because I've hated every job I've had so far. They haven't stimulated me in any way. They were just a necessity. I'm coming to the realization that I can't live like that anymore. I do have issues though with energy of body and mind when it comes to any job. I wish I could just relax and do whatever I want. Mostly because a lot of these jobs ie. corporate and retail, wear me out. They drain me and I'm never happy in those places. A job you love should do the opposite of that. I'm still waiting to find that job.