Father Melts Down After Blowing Week’s Pay for Family to Watch Movie They Already Own on DVD

Satire from Hollywood & Swine

A married father of four suffered a frightening meltdown outside an AMC theater in Little Rock, Ark., after learning he already owned a DVD copy of “Jurassic Park,” the newly re-issued 3D film he spent his entire week’s paycheck on last Saturday night. According to a spokesperson for AMC theaters, 48-year-old Troy Peterson, a Jiffy Lube mechanic, spent $84 on two adult and four child 3D tickets, and an additional $284 on popcorn, sodas, and a bag of M&Ms, believing his family was seeing the fourth installment in the “Jurassic Park” franchise.

“At first I thought Steven Spielberg was just doing what Todd Phillips did with ‘Hangover 2,’ and making a lazy carbon copy sequel of his hit film,” Peterson told Hollywood & Swine. “But when I saw Jeff Goldblum, I realized it had to be the same movie, because no one has put that guy in a new movie since the ’90s.”

While leaving the theater, Peterson’s behavior took a terrifying turn after his 10-year-old daughter asked if they could go re-watch “Jurassic Park” at home before they went to bed. Peterson began screaming at his wife and kids demanding to know why he wasted every dollar he made on movie tickets, when they already owned “Jurassic Park” on DVD. Before paramedics could arrive, Levitt was tackled and pummeled by several moviegoers who feared he was a madman on the verge of a theater rampage.

An offcial of the Little Rock Police Department said they are looking into whether or not charges should be brought against Peterson after his meltdown Saturday night.

In related news, proceeds from the 3D release of “Jurassic Park” will go to the Michael Crichton Foundation, which will enable graduates of Harvard Medical School to skip becoming doctors in order to become best-selling novelists.

$284 for popcorn and candy and Drinks???????????????? I would have a cardiac arrest myself!
Dad- it was the thought that counts…get NetFlix instead…helluva lot cheaper and you can get the same candy at the dollar store. Movie Theaters are RIP OFFS!

Did this actually happen or not? I am also reading words such as “Satire”, which suggests to me that this story is made up. Let’s just say this was an actual event. The family at least saw this on a large screen in 3D, which would be a novel event— even if they HAD seen the movie before. I personally do not think I would be willing to pay what theaters now get for a movie ticket, but to each his (or her) own…

My paid subscription to Variety is for Variety; not for an excerpt from “Hollywood and Swine.” I saw the heading “Satire” but there was no disclaimer declaring that this article was fiction. I don’t care about “Hollywood and Swine.” I only care about Variety because what I read in Variety reflects the real world of show business. The photo certainly looked real and not something that any reader could decipher as belonging in MAD magazine. When I saw the word, “Satire,” I viewed that terminology as a meaning that some people would find this situation of a blue collar worker sacrificing his paycheck in order to make his family happy as “this guy got just what he deserved” mentality from those who get a kick out of schadenfreude.

To conclude, there should have been a disclaimer at the top of the article with asterisks stating that this article is not real but just a joke. I don’t expect Variety to print a joke without telling their readers that it is a joke.

I can’t believe all of the people here who obviously don’t know what the word “satire” means. Look it up, people. And Alex, the article very clearly states before the text even begins, “Satire from Hollywood & Swine.”

The TV advertisement was a camouflage and I can understand that some viewers would be tricked into thinking this was a new movie since it was being touted with being in 3D. Mr. Peterson was thinking of doing something very nice for his family. He was unselfish and spent his paycheck in order to make his family happy. He did not have that much money but he did not let that factor stand in the way of making others happy. What he did was a benevolent act as a father. I can sympathize with his agony when he discovered that the movie was a film the family already owned on DVD. He felt that all he did to make his family happy for a family get-together turned out to be a big disappointment and then he also felt belittled to his family. Mr. Peterson should be praised for what he did by thinking of others instead of himself.

This is hilarious, and yes I am going to laugh at this guy for not doing any research before seeing this movie. If he doesn’t have the money for his family. He shouldn’t have gone and see the movie. He’s a complete moron

Stop re-posting these bulls**t stories… why did I “like” Variety on Facebook if all they are going to do is flood my newsfeed with onion style satire articles, without even citing the source at the top of the page. At least then I could save time by not reading them.

The story was corrected…$84 for concessions, not $284. Still, that’s pricy.

I kinda feel bad for the guy…I mean, the story is hilarious, don’t get me wrong, but being a broke guy too…I could see how that could royally tick me off. Maybe not to the point of getting tackled, but I’d be pissed!

LOL! We dont go to Theaters often, but when we do, I bring my BIG PURSE. We bring bottled water, real snacks, and even home popped popcorn . Whenever anyone asks to look inside my purse, I tell them ” NOT WITHOUT A SEARCH WARRANT”.

Secondly, I can assure you, Jeff Goldblum has worked CONSISTENTLY since “the 90’s”. He is a regular on the extremely popular TV series, GLEE. He has also performed in multiple Broadway shows AND IN FILMS (check IMDB before you speak). Jeff is also a musician and performs regularly, singing and on piano, with his jazz band, which sometimes includes Peter Weller (of RoboCop and Star Trek fame – he plays amazing jazz trumpet).
What a schmuck! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!