Seniors in high school are facing the last few months of life as a worthless teenager held down by the shackles of parental oppression. After they graduate from high school, they will move on to a life of being a worthless adult held down by the shackles of The Man and the banality of this existence that we call life. Of course, at this time the student’s are also finding themselves suffering from a sort of cabin fever. There’s a whole world out there waiting for them, yet for a few more weeks they’re stuck listening to Mr. Stuckey yammer on about the importance of the Periodic Table of Elements.

Don’t rob these young Ohians of their boyhood dreams

So these students must find ways to set themselves free, and for many of them across the country, particularly Ohio, they’ve resorted to the game of Senior Tag. Basically Senior Tag is a game were students align themselves into teams and then run around town shooting each other with squirt guns. It’s all good, wholesome fun except in some cases. Turns out the police in Ohio aren’t big fans of the rule that says a player can’t be eliminated if they’re naked.

Is there anything more romantic than attending a football game with your loved one? Just the two of you, in your favorite player’s jersey, surrounded by 50,000 loud-mouthed drunks watching a bunch of giants trying to kill each other. It just doesn’t get any more romantic than that.

Of course, the problem is that attending such an amorous event leads to you wanting to have sex with your love right there on the spot, and in our puritan society it’s considered immoral to copulate in public. So doing so right there in your seats is nearly impossible to pull off when there are so many others encompassing you. Thankfully the only thing more romantic than a football game is a bathroom stall.