“When I was playing, Topps (baseball cards) gave us a catalog when they took our photo, and we could choose one product,” Uecker told me. “I picked wicker chairs. I asked the Topps guy if I could get the table and lamp too. He said sure, if I signed a two-year card deal. The wicker unraveled in two months.”

Uecker spent six seasons in the majors, from 1962-67, as the ultimate bullpen catcher — with an exact .200 average in 297 games. “I hit a grand-slam home run off Ron Herbel, and when (manager) Herman Franks went out to remove him, he took Herbel his suitcase.”

Rimshot.

Uecker was down there among the worst baseball players in history, but he is up there with the best baseball broadcasters of all time — and got into the Baseball Hall of Fame from behind the microphone, not the plate.

Vin Scully, Red Barber, Mel Allen, Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Ernie Harwell and Bob Uecker — in his 41st season as The (play-by-play) Man on the Brewers’ broadcast network. All possessed unique voices, styles and wit — and were opinionated. New-school announcers are boring, humorless, sound- alike apologists for the local team.

Uecker was born and raised in Milwaukee and signed a contract with his hometown Braves in 1956. After toiling with seven minor- league teams, he was promoted to the Braves in ’62.

When he received the 2003 Ford Frick Award in Cooperstown, Uecker recalled his first start — in front of his entire family. Manager Birdie Tebbetts asked Uecker if he was nervous. “Look, I’m ready to go.” Tebbetts said, “Well, great, and by the way, the rest of us up here wear that supporter on the inside.”

Uecker batted .250 in 64 at-bats as a rookie. “The next year I got sent down. It crushed me,” he said.

Guess where he was sent? Uecker hit .283 for the Triple-A Denver Bears.

In the offseason he was traded to the Cardinals and served as a backup to Tim McCarver (also a broadcaster of note), and earned (?) his only World Series ring. “Before the Series’ first game, I was shagging flies in the outfield during batting practice, and three Dixieland bands were out there. I stole a tuba and was fooling around. When a ball was hit, I tried to catch it in the tuba. Missed. I caught the second and some others, and the tuba was pretty beat up. The band sent me a bill for $250.

“I didn’t hear until a couple of years ago that (manager) Johnny Keane was so (upset) when he saw me, he vowed I’d never play in the Series. I didn’t.”

Dealt to the Phillies in 1966, Uecker made $11,000, but, in ’67, “I was sent a contract for $9,500. I returned it unsigned. The contract came back with the note: ‘You’re 29 days short of reaching five years and your pension.’ I signed it right away.”

His career ended back with the Braves, but in Atlanta, where he led the league in passed balls with 25 in only 59 games — because of knuckleballer Phil Niekro. “The only way I could catch his pitch was to wait for it to stop rolling,” Uecker said.

The Braves wanted Uecker to become “a second-base coach.” Rimshot. Instead, he turned to broadcasting and a stand-up comedy routine at Al Hirt’s club. Johnny Carson invited Uecker on his show for the first of 100 appearances and nicknamed him “Mr. Baseball.” Uecker starred in a Miller Lite Commercial “Hey, I’m in the front row,” and on the TV sitcom “Mr. Belvedere,” did national telecasts with Bob Costas, wrote the best-seller “Catcher In The Wry” and played Indians broadcaster Harry Doyle in “Major League” and two sequels.

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