Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I'm still deeply involved in yesterday's post as it seems I am finding it difficult to own up to a skeleton I have chosen to remove from my own closet. When I finally get where I want to be with the post, you'll be the first to know. Just remember to look back on Sunday, March 16, 2006 for what I have to say.

That said...

I want to discuss my Nazi neighbor from hell.

There is this woman - for the sake of not wanting to be sued for defamation I'll refer to her only as Old No. 5.

Old No. 5 as it were, moved into our cul-de-sac just over eighteen months ago, and in that time she and I (as well as the leathery looking, smoke smelling, Herman Munster of a man she calls her boyfriend) have had many words, slurs, middle fingers, and ill wishing passed on to one another. Simply put, she is THE closest thing to hate that I can honestly feel, and in most instances she is the very test of my will to be a better person.

Our latest exchange comes in the form of a FIRST NOTICE OF VIOLATION LETTER. It reads as follows:

Dear Homeowner:

The following violation(s) of the CC&R's for (name of Association withheld) has recently been brought to our attention on March 22, 2006:

Child riding skateboard and breaking curb.

For the comfort of all homeowners, it is our intention to ask every homeowner to comply with the rules that govern this property; therefore we ask that you correct the aforementioned violation(s) within ten (10) days of the date of this letter. Failure to correct the violation by this date can result in a daily fine of $10.00 until compliance is re-established.

If you wish to dispute this notice, you must do so in writing to the Board of Directors in care of the address listed above within ten (10) days of the date of this letter.

Sincerely,

The Board of Directors

Here's the rub: Old No.5 has gone on record as stating that we don't belong in this townhome community, to the tune of recommending ways that we be removed from our residence. The hilarity in all of this is that my wife has lived here off and on since she was fifteen. I have lived here for the better part of our nearly fourteen year relationship. My son came home from the hospital after having been delivered to spend the majority of his pre-tween life here. And my daughter has spent the past five plus years here. This is home. OUR HOME. It has been such far longer than this woman can conceive of and yet she has the audassity to say we are unfit to reside here.

Get fucked.

The situation as it stands, is this. The so-called curbs that are damaged were done so, not by a tween and his skateboard, rather by a midlife Hispanic perched atop a riding lawnmower the likes of which our landscapers use EVERY Tuesday. Where the damage exists just so happens to be the entry and exit point for said mowers to gain access to the greenbelts around the property. The date said damage allegedly occurred was this past Wednesday, the 22nd - a landmark day for me because that's when I underwent oral surgery. Couple this information with the fact that my son was grounded from his skateboard until this past weekend and I'd say the violation letter is certainly without merit and further proves that Old No. 5 is a baseless cunt who is trying to fuck my family out of its home.

I've gathered pertinent photographic documentation and made the necessary phone calls to rectify this latest situation. And when I'm finished here I will be composing a letter of dispute which I will hand deliver tomorrow.

I'm tired of these games, and I'm tired of Old No.5 thinking she can bully her way around this neighborhood. I'm the sweetest, most caring and helpful neighbor anyone in this cul-de-sac could ever ask for, but when my family is being pushed around and our every move is being watched, I'm like an angry lion protecting its pride.

5 Comments:

i so feel your pain on this one. i absolutely hate people that are so into themselves and their 'comfort' that they would lie (about a kid, no doubt!) just to put a black mark to someone's name.absolutely horrid. i'm glad you have the facts on your side. some people just thrive off of being jerks.

As is Old No. 5 - that "wancun" (wandering cunt) does nothing but harass me and my family for nothing more than the mere pleasure of trying to hurt us, then has the audacity to say hello when she sees us walking around the neighborhood, only to get pissed when we ignore her oh so generous stab at being the good neighbor..

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