Welcome to the BlackLOG, this is the story of me, my wife - the long suffering "Mrs B", our cat "McG" and the various friends and acquaintances that we meet through life. It is all based around what happens to us, but is often stretched in an attempt to entertain. I do not deliberately set out to upset people but it occasionally happens (I have a fairly dark sense of humour at times).

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Sunday, 11 September 2011

A typical BlackLOG journey and Rippons Safari day 1

For those of you who find it all gets a bit wordy (I make no judgement if your reading level is that of a three year old, especially since the writing level here is that of a two year old) you can always skip down to the bottom for the nice pictures...

Going on Safari for most people is relatively easy.You choose where you want to go, pay loads of money, get excited about it and a few weeks later you find yourself packing your bags and hey presto you are dumped in front of a load of wild animals and left dumb struck at just how excited a grown adult can get* at seeing a wild and dangerous animal at relatively close quarters. This is followed by a series of high pitched squeaks as your words tumble out on top of each other in a desperate and ultimately failed attempt to over dramatically express what you are feeling….

* Now I’m not talking pant wetting here but it is not far off. Take yourself back to childhood when as a small sticky child, pumped full of E numbers, you excitedly bounced off your bedroom walls as you awaited the arrival of a rather overweight (probably verging on the obese) elderly gentleman in red, with undetermined white fur trimmings, offering you toys for being “Good”**

** Correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t this all smack of good old fashioned child grooming? Yet parents all over the word actively encourage their children to be “Good for Santa” – I don’t remember ever being told what “Good” entailed and quite frankly with the benefit of hindsight and a rather warped imagination, I’m sure glad I never had the opportunity to find out….

Regular readers will be aware that life is never going to be that simple in BlackLOG. There is of course the inevitable issue of luggage allowance, which with 46 KG of checked baggage and as much hand luggage as can be crushed into two smallish bags between us should not be an issue. Except Mrs B rather selfishly wants to take more than one pair of shoes and additional clothing beyond what she is wearing –

Woman we are only going away for 2 weeks, not emigrating….

On top of this and despite years of intensive training she has a tendency to topple over backwards whenever I place a rucksack on her back that comes close to her body weight

- I knew I should have married that Russian shot putter.I would have got used to her having bigger moobs, a deeper voice and having to shave her back twice a day but ultimately there was just something not right about the Camel Toe……

You see unlike most people we get the dubious pleasure of travelling with The Beast and I can tell you The Beast does not pack light – He makes U2’s sound and light rigging seem like a couple of carrier bags worth…

After the initial packing had been pared down we got the hold luggage to 46.2 KG - close enough.With the hand luggage we had got to a stage where Mrs B could walk nonchalantly for about 10 metres before staggering and collapsing like a Gazelle hit by an elephant gun…just about enough room for Mrs B to get behind a pillar and out of site, so check-in didn’t decide to call her back to check the weight of her hand luggage …. The Kitchen sink (Oakley Rucksack – yes it is called the Kitchen sink) was fine as long as I kept bolt upright and did not lean more than 5 degrees in any direction, otherwise there was a real danger that I would start to sway like a building in a 9.9 level earthquake…

The first test over we were safely checked in and sitting on the plane – what on earth could go wrong….?

We sat and waited and just as we were due to take off the announcement was made - they were having some technical difficulties but should be sorted out in a few minutes and we would be underway…..An hour later we were still sitting there,only we were a whole lot sweatier and not just because we had a tight connection to make once we made it to Johannesburg. During the emergency they had turned off the air-conditioning while they worked on the problem, which did not turn out to be anything vital in my book like the entertainment system not working. It came down to the spare toilet in first class not functioning properly (Now I’m only guessing that it was the spare as this is very much dependent on my assumption that each 1st class passenger has a private toilet all to themselves.I might actually be way out of line and the poor things have to share 12 toilets between 24 of them…..).

We made it into the air 1 hour and 25 minutes late, with the assurance from our captain that he was confident that he could make most of the time back…. It is one of the few times in my life when I have been on a plane that managed to lose time, only seconds here and therebut over a 10 hour flight that starts to add up. At the halfway point I officially gave up any thoughts of making our connection and started composing letters of complaint to BA in my head.The South African girl next to us didn’t help when she declared that we looked like we would be arriving on time….Yeah, if you count an hour and 45 minutes late as being on time.. To be fair the Steward was pretty good and once I told him our plight and he had stopped laughing he assured me everything would be resolved once we landed….

The captain announced something about the slight delay and hoped we had enjoyed the flight…. Mrs B might have done, blissfully sleeping through most of it but I had spent a miserable time tracking the landing time (in-between films) and trying to work out, if we employed a relative of Usain Bolt as a porter, whether we would be able to make it through customs, pickup our luggage, change terminals, re-check our luggage and go through security all in less than 13 minutes.

Allowing for a strong following wind, a world record or very close to it unloading of our luggage, a polite wave through both customs and passport control and flight check in at the speed of a cheetah on steroids, we were still going to be 35 possibly 36 minutes short….Damn that Hermione and once again her reluctance to share her Time Turner…

As it was I’m glad that I had not struck our friendly steward for laughing at our plight.He had arranged for us to be on the next flight, due to take off just 4 hours after our original one…. Bless him but I should have given him a bit of a slapping for not telling us sooner, having been haunted by visions, all through the flight, of us being stranded in Jo’berg for 24 hours.

Once again we got through check in,although the woman at the desk had problems locating us on the passenger list but took one look at our desperately forlorn faces, made a couple of calls, complaining that her supervisor was smoking something medicinal and didn’t have a clue what was going on, issued us some tickets and it was game on again.

Oh my god we have got an upgrade....

We even got an upgrade…well when I say we, I mean The Beast and the Kitchen Sink, not Mrs B and I. As we were now on a much smaller plane the overhead lockers were not conducive to having a “filled to the gunnels” Kitchen Sink wedged into them and as there was no way on earth that it would slide, squeeze or even be jammed under the seat in front (not withoutunbolting the seat and precariously balancing it on the Kitchen Sink. I suspect the passenger in said seat and the crew might have taken a dim view of this action….) the steward demanded that the Kitchen Sink be taken off and put in the hold. I explained about the expensive camera equipment and after a few minutes consultation with his colleague he decided it could be stored in one of the empty rows in First class….

So thus The Beast and the Kitchen Sink got upgraded while Mrs B and I watched on in envy from pleb class….

We arrived at Rippons Safari lodge on the Shamwari game reserve at 7pm,just as the evening game drive – the one we should have been on – returned to base. Still we had made it and had only missed out on one drive out of seven we were booked onto…It could have been a whole lot worse.We were greeted enthusiastically by Brian and Michelle and ushered into dinner…Brian proved to be an excellent host and raconteur and had tons of anecdotes about the local area, the animals and previous guests. Personally Mrs B and I liked him but from what has been written some guests don’t take to his no nonsense approach ie “This is a safari and we are dedicated to getting you out to see the animals, so the rooms are basic with no distractions like TVs and radios. If you are looking for 5 Star entertainment you have come to the wrong lodge”. I found the accommodation far from basic and the food plentiful and absolutely delicious and the staff warm and friendly…Looking at the (very few) negative comments on Trip finder, about Rippons Lodge you start to realise that you really can’t please everyone in life. You can always find people who will complain about something…

“I would never have come on this free trip if I had known that the rooms were not as nice as the ones provided for people paying full price”

“If that guide gives me one more interesting fact about the thousands of animals we are seeing I’m going to scream”

“I know I specifically asked for my steak to be extremely rare but I didn’t imagine it would be so pink….”

“I didn’t expect ‘Death by Chocolate’ to be quite so chocolaty….”

I’ve actually heard someone complain about one of these, can you guess which one? Prizes will be handed out at the end of your life but in the meantime you can bask in the glory of knowing you got it right...well if you do that is and I remember to post the answer next week....

On our first day’s drives, for the morning (a little bit early for Mrs B’s tastes but she got up all the same: the call of the wild was just too strong) we were lucky to have the vehicle and the Ranger - Frances - to ourselves. While in the evening we were joined partway through by Peter and Rachel a honeymoon couple from Ireland.

Animals seen on day 1:

Morning Drive

Vervet Monkey

Lion

Elephant

Giraffe

White Rhinoceros

Warthog

Springbok

Impala

Kudu

Waterbuck

At Rippons Lodge

Various birds - (Carl you are welcome to chip in for any names that are missing or wrong...)

Leopard Tortoise

Evening Drive

Vervet Monkey

Lion

Elephant

Burchell’s Zebra

Giraffe

Springbok

Impala

Eland

That was just day 1 of our Safari – I’ll leave you with the photos and don’t forget to come back next time for days 2 and 3, followed the week after by the end of our trip as we chill out in Mauritius before flying back to the hum drum of everyday life….a little poorer in the wallet but a whole lot more enriched in mind and spirit….

Photo finishI've heard that people rather pathetically try and transpose human emotions onto animals – I’ve tried my best to avoid falling into this trap…. Morning game drive

"The only job I can get in this damned recession is as a lookout. I don’t feel guilty it’s not like those banks can’t spare the cash…."

﻿﻿

Despite a brave attempt the entire Herd family missed their Impala Airways flight when they got distracted by the duty free…

The Impala Airways stewardess went that extra mile

during the flight safety briefing by not only showing

where the emergency exits were but actually

demonstrating how to use them…

Redbilled oxpecker to rhino "Can I have a word in your shell like?"

Elephants can eat between 250 to 300 Kilo's a dayThat is one hell of a weekly shopping bill...

Just the Springbok fullback to beat

but word was he was fast

…very fast…

The referee had no option but to award a penalty try

after the Springboks continued to collapse

the scrum on their own line….

Dyson are thinking of launching a new range

of vacuum cleaners called the Warthog

which will hoover up everything…

﻿﻿ ﻿ Rippons Lodge

A blue starling in flight

A southern booby, although it's probably not, it's such a great name I had to use it. Carl (or any other bird experts) - now would be a good time to chip in..P.S. If it is a southern Booby I meant it all along and this was just a test for you non-twitchers...

﻿

A leopard tortoise stalking its quarry…

it’s probably just as well lettuce does not move that fast…

Evening game drive
Where things start to get a little bit friskier...

Impala courtship exposed

1 of 2

Bob - "She's mine I tell you..."

Dave - "Not a chance I saw her first"

2 of 2

Hillary -

"I don't know about you but I find all this

aggression rather tiresome"

Mildred –

“That’s easy for you to say, I haven’t had any

for ages. I’m so desperate that if he

can still get it up I’ll even take the loser…”

"OK which joker put super glue on the grass?"

Zebra sex education lessons

1 of 2

Sydney - the world’s only zebra sex therapist

“Harold for pity's sake calm down and try and

remember the picture from your Zebra Sutra book

It’s Zebra fashion all the way, none of that

fancy human stuff for us…….”

2 of 2

Sydney -

"Better but I suggest you aim a little lower son

otherwise she’s gonna kick your knackers off"

A zebra doing an impromptu performance, playing

the part of Mrs B, doing an impression of a gazelle

being shot by an elephant gun….

The start of the Impala 100 metre dash.The winners get to live another daywhile the losers get to dine with the Lion family....

When lion sex goes wrong
Today's casebook, Leo's having trouble getting it on with his new lady friend and to make things worse he fears she's being influenced by her lesbian best friend.

1 of 5Sharon – "Damit Leo that's my tail... "

2 of 5Leo - "It's not as if I did it deliberately"

3 of 5Miriam – "It's OK honey I told youhe was a beast."

﻿

4 of 5Leo -"I suppose a quick shag is out of the question then?"

﻿

5 of 5

Miriam –

“I’m telling you girl you don’t need them”

Sharon –

“But I want to have my own cubs”

Miriam –

"We could adopt or even go for artificial

insemination, my aunt used a Zebra Baster….”

Leo -

Skulking in the bushes

“I Knew it….”

So I said to that vampire -

“You think you suffer from an overbite problem?”

"I'm actually a leopard trapped in an Impala's body..."

﻿ ﻿﻿﻿

"Is it just me or are you feeling horny...."

Spot was hacked off, how could his parents be so cruel??

Elephant holidays

"Pack your trunks guys we're going on holiday…"

﻿

"Don’t talk to me, I’ve been informed that the Last Jumbo Jet flight out of here has just been cancelled…"

I make no apologies for some of the lamest jokes in the world- feel free to try and see if you can do any worse….

36 comments:

Mr B, I just came over from my site, where I replied to your witty comment, and I see it's for real...you are shooting up a storm on an amazing African safari tour.

Lucky you, and lucky Mrs. B too!

I've always dreamed of going on safari...one day I will. I really want to see the wildebeest run; my understanding is that late Sept - early Oct is the best time. Are you going to see them too??

Your photos are excellent (added captions are funny too - just in case you wanted to know) - but first and foremost the photos truly are amazing! I'm so envious...all I get are mystical, magical mermaids and you and Mrs. B get the four legged magical creatures. WOW!

And, how's the Kitchen Sink holding up...(the things some people will do to get upgraded)!

Slight amendment....Re the upgrade...It appears in my "read a bit quick to get to the pictures" rush I misread what and who got upgraded...seems like you and Mrs. B were relegated to remain in steerage while the "toys" got the upgrade...isn't that the way of "good luck".

I feel better now that I got my facts straight!

I'm like a kid sometimes, if there are pictures then I skim and miss all the good stuff...like sinks and upgrades and ... well, you know, all the good stuff.

Pearson Report said... Mr B, I just came over from my site, where I replied to your witty comment, and I see it's for real...you are shooting up a storm on an amazing African safari tour.You mean you didn’t believe me, you thought I’d made it up…I’m hurt

Lucky you, and lucky Mrs. B too!Don’t we know it…

I've always dreamed of going on safari...one day I will. I really want to see the wildebeest run; my understanding is that late Sept - early Oct is the q. Are you going to see them too??Not one wildebeest to be had…I think they were either on holiday or have moved to another address….

Your photos are excellent (added captions are funny too - just in case you wanted to know) - but first and foremost the photos truly are amazing! I'm so envious...all I get are mystical, magical mermaids and you and Mrs. B get the four legged magical creatures. WOW!Thank you…I’m lucky to have a good camera and had a few years to learn how to use it

And, how's the Kitchen Sink holding up...(the things some people will do to get upgraded)!Just need to get it plumbed in and it would be perfect

Slight amendment....Re the upgrade...It appears in my "read a bit quick to get to the pictures" rush I misread what and who got upgraded...seems like you and Mrs. B were relegated to remain in steerage while the "toys" got the upgrade...isn't that the way of "good luck".Don’t worry I’m just grateful anyone bothers reading this drivel at all…it can get a bit wordy…

I feel better now that I got my facts straight!

I'm like a kid sometimes, if there are pictures then I skim and miss all the good stuff...like sinks and upgrades and ... well, you know, all the good stuff.

Wow, amazing pictures BLlackLOG, totally jealous here. I've always wanted to go and see animals in the wild like that, especially elephants, I could watch elephants all day. And lions, and and and and..

What on earth do you need on safari for 2 weeks with 46kg of luggage? I essentially emigrated to oz with 1 15kg backpack...not sure what my point is...errr "...I don't have many clothes..." *walks off whistling hoping no one heard me*

I think you've heard someone say “I know I specifically asked for my steak to be extremely rare but I didn’t imagine it would be so pink….”

I just have to say, after having read a handful of your travelling adventures, that you and Mrs. B seem like a great couple to vacation with. There's always a hiccup in the plan, but it seems to work out decently in the end. Had it been me, I'd have probably requested a tranquilizer gun for the car, just in case Simba got any funny ideas. Cheers!

cynicalscribble said... Wow, amazing pictures BLlackLOG, totally jealous here. I've always wanted to go and see animals in the wild like that, especially elephants, I could watch elephants all day. And lions, and and and and..You so have to go….although I’m not so interested in male adult elephants anymore. They spend their time constantly peeing themselves and very agitated because they are on heat 8 months of the year, like they have taken a Jumbo (sorry) Viagra and can’t (Like Mick Jaguar (sorry, so sorry) would say) “I get no satisfaction”…

What on earth do you need on safari for 2 weeks with 46kg of luggage? I essentially emigrated to oz with 1 15kg backpack...not sure what my point is...errr "...I don't have many clothes..." *walks off whistling hoping no one heard me*I think my underwear ways more than 15kg…then there is the essential entertainment – blu-ray player*, films, 2 ipods (you need a spare)

*It’s only a 4 day Safari, the rest of the holiday is beach bound on Mauritius, which for me involves a lot of entertainment to get me through ….

I think you've heard someone say “I know I specifically asked for my steak to be extremely rare but I didn’t imagine it would be so pink….”Close but no cigar

I hope to win a pet elephant.Luck would happen that the close but not cigar prize is a male adult elephant…They are a bit awash with male elephants but you have to pay for their food – 250KG a day, Water 300 Litres a day and clean up all the resulting pee… Oh, and pay for delivery…and the court case when it tries to shag everything in sight (which is not very far as fortunately they have poor vision. Given all that I have told don’t whatever you do invest in contact lenses for him, ) won’t say what type of plane you have to hire, I’m sure that you can guess…

A Beer for the Shower said... I just have to say, after having read a handful of your travelling adventures, that you and Mrs. B seem like a great couple to vacation with. There's always a hiccup in the plan, but it seems to work out decently in the end.You make us sound like a tacky Hollywood movie with a cheesy feel good ending….Are you sure you would like to join us, you just know that Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey and Steve Carrel are going to turn up at some point and ruin the whole thing….

Had it been me, I'd have probably requested a tranquilizer gun for the car, just in case Simba got any funny ideas. Cheers! Funny you should say that Mrs B got a little too close for comfort to Nellie and Dumbo got a bit upset with us (not Just Mrs B and I, the whole Land cruiser we were in…tune in next week to see if I remember/ am able (as you probably know some of the stuff that sounds like it should work blogging just doesn’t work when you come to put it down on Paper*) to put in the details…

** Yeah I know, no need to say it, that never seems to stop the BlackLOG publishing most of it…

You'll forgive me, as I live in Minnesota, but the thought of going to Africa? That's just past the moon, isn't it? Wow. Places with boobies and oxpeckers and warthogs, for cryin' out loud...

Also, having been upgraded to first class once, I can confirm that you get your own toilet. They also pass around a wicker basket stuffed with treats of various sorts and, surprisingly, a shake-the-dice game to win one of the lower-class passengers. True.

Dawn @Lighten Up! said... Haha! The Miriam, Sharon, Leo bit killed me. You nutbar. Thanks for sharing-I will never get to a place like this!Never say never, one day you might have the opportunity to get eaten by Miriam, Sharon, Leo or lions just like them….

Pearl said... You'll forgive me, as I live in Minnesota, but the thought of going to Africa? That's just past the moon, isn't it? Wow. Places with boobies and oxpeckers and warthogs, for cryin' out loud...Doesn’t Minnesota have boobies and peckers???? I know Prince is from there and he’s sex mad

Also, having been upgraded to first class once, I can confirm that you get your own toilet. They also pass around a wicker basket stuffed with treats of various sorts and, surprisingly, a shake-the-dice game to win one of the lower-class passengers. True.That would explain why there was a lower middle class man trailing behind the kitchen sink and The Beast…I wonder if I can give him away on the internet?

Oh, and I'll guess that someone wanted to stop hearing about the animals, that one more fact and they'd scream...Good try but it’s not the answer I have tucked safely in my memory bank…But for being so game I can offer you a slightly dishevelled lower class man – He comes with his own modest income….

Personally, I prefer pop-up pictures myself. But alas the internet has not progressed that far yet. One thing I do know is that "spare toilet in first class not functioning properly" is usually an indication that those wishing to join The Mile High Club could not wait any longer and took full advantage of all 24 toilet stalls in first class. Now I'm also a little disappointed that you didn't post any Vervet Monkey pictures here. It's not everyday someone gets to see those. Next time I want Vervet Monkeys in a variety of poses, or I'll call the airline and complain about the Kitchen Sink and the Beast riding in first class.

Static said... Personally, I prefer pop-up pictures myself. But alas the internet has not progressed that far yet.Have you tried selecting the picture ha you want the closing your PC and opening it quickly – you get a sort of flat pop up picture affect

One thing I do know is that "spare toilet in first class not functioning properly" is usually an indication that those wishing to join The Mile High Club could not wait any longer and took full advantage of all 24 toilet stalls in first class.Well I guess the upper class have to practice their inbreeding somewhere….

Now I'm also a little disappointed that you didn't post any Vervet Monkey pictures here. It's not everyday someone gets to see those. Next time I want Vervet Monkeys in a variety of poses, or I'll call the airline and complain about the Kitchen Sink and the Beast riding in first class.Don’t worry the Vervet Monkeys will be appearing in the next blog – they were too petrified to appear this week because of the number of lions…Are you trying to tell me that The Beast and the Kitchen Sink have been getting it on in the First Class toilets….That’s a worry as they are practically related…

LilPixi said... Well, that is WILD! So, you went on a safari.Sure did with big beaming smile, although dimming a little as we are sitting at the airport waiting for our flight home…The only good thing being we get to see our little fuzzy boy and girl and my new company car gets delivered tomorrow…I do feel guilty at times as it is easy to forget how privileged a life we live – not super rich and famous being plagued by the paparazzi (although Mrs B must feel like it sometimes, what with The Beast constantly chattering away in the background) if only we didn’t have to work for a living it would be the perfect existence…

That has to be one of my biggest dream spots to take photos in. I also thought the captions were very funny. Amazing!! I love it! I'm envious.Yeah and no press pass needed – Only problem is I have thousands of photo’s to shift through but a small price to pay for getting to click the hell out of the animal kingdom. There are probably some wild animals left dazed and confused on the Savannah suffering from shutter shock….

Though long flights + me = oh boy. Oh. BOY. If you get restless, bored, or fidgety, it's torture.As long as the in flight entertainment is working I’m normally a happy bunny, just have to remember to watch the films I have either seen already and don’t mind seeing again or watch things I normally wouldn’t bother with – My number one rule of flying never watch a movie that you want to see properly that and keep the Kitchen Sink close and The Beast even closer…

Grueling, but worth it. Psyched to hear about & see the rest of this trip. The Beast is exhausted, I had thought he would get a rest in Mauritius but I seem to have developed trigger finger – You will have to wait for the next but one post for those particular shots….

"Personally, I prefer pop-up pictures myself. But alas the internet has not progressed that far yet.""Have you tried selecting the picture ThaT you want the closing your PC and opening it quickly – you get a sort of flat pop up picture affect"

I had never considered that before. I think I have a new hobby. And each photo is a surprise everytime! Thanks, BlackLOG!

"One thing I do know is that 'spare toilet in first class not functioning properly' is usually an indication that those wishing to join The Mile High Club could not wait any longer and took full advantage of all 24 toilet stalls in first class.""Well I guess the upper class have to practice their inbreeding somewhere…."

Ooooh, BURN!! Bwahahaha!

"Now I'm also a little disappointed that you didn't post any Vervet Monkey pictures here. It's not everyday someone gets to see those. Next time I want Vervet Monkeys in a variety of poses, or I'll call the airline and complain about the Kitchen Sink and the Beast riding in first class.""Don’t worry the Vervet Monkeys will be appearing in the next blog – they were too petrified to appear this week because of the number of lions…Are you trying to tell me that The Beast and the Kitchen Sink have been getting it on in the First Class toilets….That’s a worry as they are practically related…"

Oh, goodie! (claps hands) bring on the monkeys. I want to try out my new pop-up trick with them!

If the uber pretentious phony accents The Beast and the Kitchen Sink have adopted aren't a dead giveaway, I suppose you'll know if and when their kids have unexplained deformities.

Static said... "Personally, I prefer pop-up pictures myself. But alas the internet has not progressed that far yet.""Have you tried selecting the picture That you want the closing your PC and opening it quickly – you get a sort of flat pop up picture affect"

I had never considered that before. I think I have a new hobby. And each photo is a surprise everytime! Thanks, BlackLOG!Never let it be said that the BlackLOG is not at the cutting edge of naff technology

"One thing I do know is that 'spare toilet in first class not functioning properly' is usually an indication that those wishing to join The Mile High Club could not wait any longer and took full advantage of all 24 toilet stalls in first class.""Well I guess the upper class have to practice their inbreeding somewhere…."

Ooooh, BURN!! Bwahahaha!Ouch, I’d better get the oven gloves…

"Now I'm also a little disappointed that you didn't post any Vervet Monkey pictures here. It's not everyday someone gets to see those. Next time I want Vervet Monkeys in a variety of poses, or I'll call the airline and complain about the Kitchen Sink and the Beast riding in first class.""Don’t worry the Vervet Monkeys will be appearing in the next blog – they were too petrified to appear this week because of the number of lions…Are you trying to tell me that The Beast and the Kitchen Sink have been getting it on in the First Class toilets….That’s a worry as they are practically related…"

Oh, goodie! (claps hands) bring on the monkeys. I want to try out my new pop-up trick with them!Be careful as you open the lid, those monkeys will empty the contents of your pockets before you can sing “Daydream Believer”

If the uber pretentious phony accents The Beast and the Kitchen Sink have adopted aren't a dead giveaway, I suppose you'll know if and when their kids have unexplained deformities.I think I should get them neutered just in case…

Al Penwasser said... These pictures are fantastic! Mine usually are limited to "Monkey Flings Poo at the Zoo." Al, these “monkeys flinging poo at the zoo” are they ex-inmates or is it a random drive by poo flinging???

Static said... Use that BlackLOG technology and get the monkeys neutered. You might find they won't empty the contents of your pockets - because with fewer urges they won't visit the Monkey Strip Bars that often.I’m sure those monkeys will be ecstatic to be neutered by BlackLOG cutting edge of naff technology, although they might not visit the Monkey Strip Bars anymore but they will need the cash to drown their sorrows….

Julia, the Thanksgiving Girl said... At first I thought, "Oh, a two week safari... Isn't that a bit... lengthy?" But then I saw the pics and woah. No questions left :)No just a three day safari – it is just you the poor readers who will have to endure two weeks of this rubbish…Just as well The Beast has enough ability to make up for my short comings….

A Daft Scots Lass said... The giraffes and ellies are my favourite when we go on safari.You make it sound like popping down the shops....Just out on safari, can I get you any of those hippo bath salts or giraffe eyelashes.....