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La Leche League Lovelies Lactate Loudly

And so, life continues. I went to a LLL meeting on Tuesday and I was struck by a few things:

1. I never thought I’d see the day where sitting around with about 10 other breastfeeding mothers, a couple of squirming toddlers and a whole bunch of militant literature about taking back your breasts and whatnot would be my idea of “fun.” Live and learn, my pretties…. live and learn.

2. Milk blisters are not the worst thing that could happen to a breastfeeding mother. Our leader cheerfully confessed to having had about 15 cases of mastitis, lopsided breasts, engorgement more times than you can shake a stick at it, and all sorts of other discomforts (not limited to the 2 year old nursing at her breast as she spoke). Of course in my opinion, the worst thing that could happen to a breastfeeding mother is to have to deal with all those things in either silence or ignorance or both. Which is why I ended up going to the meeting in the first place (why, you ask… I refer thee to sentence #1 up above. It hurts as if someone were shoving a tapestry needle into your breast. Constantly.)

3. My baby is super cute and 10,000 Hawaiian aunties can’t be wrong! I of course am deeply biased about Herr Meow and his cooing– he now has added “AH-gyoo,” “AH-gü,” and “uh-GOO!” to his original vocabulary of “NYAH!” (<–hunger pangs) and "SHRIEK!!!!!!!!!" (<–PLEASE BURP ME, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING HORRID LUMPS OF LARD! OH I DIE HORATIO!!!!!!! IT BUUUUUUUURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!). However, the times we've gone out and his cute feet are poking out of the sling as he takes his 80th siesta of the day, we get an onslaught of people informing me how cute SHE is (alternately, we also get another onslaught of people telling me how handsome HE is, but my blog is called "Zen SARCASM" so suck it). At the meeting, a lady pointed her toddler toward my kid (after gushing about how cute Herr Meow was) and said, "See honey? That's what's going to come out of mommy! He's about 10 lbs! That's what'll come out of me!"
I think the child had a mixture of horrified delight on his face, but he was quite a good sport, really. For a three year old anyway. I am not sure what expresssion my face was scrunching itself up into, but the kid had me beat.

4. Out of the actual lactating mothers at the meeting, all of them except for me had been exposed to constant breastfeeding and examples thereof from close family and friends. Now, if anyone reading this is interested in a little bit of back story, formula is one of the many things that we got from the technological advances of World War II because of the necessity of mothers to leave their babies and get jobs as their husbands went off to the war to get killed and whatnot. So this generation abandoned the breastfeeding tradition and turned out to work. This was further embraced by the protofeminists of the era and eufeminists (if you will) of the 1970s. Suddenly formula and bottles became THE ONLY way to feed a kid and since it was man-made, was touted as the food of the future and better than some nasty ass human secretion (therefore being the oxymoronic statement of the century– because somehow COW SECRETIONS are better?).
And so, we forgot how to breastfeed. Period. It’s très natural, I grant you, but it is HARD AS HELL. Have I already emphasized that one? BREASTFEEDING IS HARD AND IT CAN HURT ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND YOU JUST HAD A BABY AND YOU ARE COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT AND THE KID IS LOSING WEIGHT –WHICH IT SHOULD BUT YOU DON’T CARE BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE STARVING YOUR BABY AND KILLING SINGLE-HANDEDLY THE THING THAT GAVE YOU BAD HIP PAIN AND HORRID GAS AND MADE YOU EAT BEETS AND LIKE THEM AND UPON WHOM YOU’D PINNED ALL YOUR HOPES AND DESIRES AND GODDAMMIT HAND ME THE MOTHERFUCKING BOTTLE OF FORMULA BECAUSE I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I’m so sorry for cursing. I really am, but I cannot overemphasize how close I’ve been to just switching and saying TO HELL WITH BREASTFEEDING BECAUSE IT SUCKS.

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5 thoughts on “La Leche League Lovelies Lactate Loudly”

Now now my meow! BF indeed motherfucking sucks (I believe was your quote) and I know you only through the ‘puter, but I can tell you would be devastated if you gave up now. You my dear are not one to quit so HANG THE FUCK IN THERE! Stuff those titties in his mouth, grit your teeth, and buck up soldier bc you will get past this. BF is so so so not easy. Have I not explained my theory to you? I told GOD one night (I hope he is not mad at me) that he confused formula and bf. Forumal feeding is easy and it makes them sleep better (screw the research on this one those kids sleep a lot longer). Breastfeeding requires every single ounce of patience, nutrient, fluid, time, energy, love, and whatever else you could possibly have in you. So what was God thinking? In the end, I figured it out. He indeed did not mess up but rather I think breastfeeding (for some of us) teaches us pure devotion. Now I didn’t bf my son for long but I remember it taught me patience and devotion and boy was I devastated when I quit and handed the power over to the pharmaceutical companies!!! I got over it pretty quit but it hurt for a little while.
Soory for the book I wrote.
P.S. I attended my very 1st La Leche meeting this past Tuesday. That was a riot!

Yep keep at it girl, it is hardwork but it pays off in so many ways. If I can breastfeed all three of mine until toddlers, with the middle one feeding whilst I was pregnate with the last and then tandem feeding two of them you can do it too!
Janine

Ahhhhhhhh, now just a minute… sure, it sucks in the beginning. But I did it with both, and yeah, it gets better and better and better. I challenge anyone on that front. Sure, those damned pads don’t work when you wait too long and you’re really dressed up and some damned kid (not even yours) lets out a little coo, and SHIT< there comes the milk, and you just KNOW THE PADS WON'T CONTAIN THE TIDAL WAVE. And they don't. But hell, everyone knows those tits are either a) full of milk, or b) a badly done breast job becasue they're HARD AS HELL. But the prolactin (is that what it is?) that releases as you breastfeed… well I'm certain I was a junkie. All I remember is that I could be having the worst day in hell, and I'd go pump (because I was at work and I was still breastfeeding) and the milk would release and the next thing you know I was praising God. I mean it, there in the damned dirty bathroom (I worked in a boat dealership at the time, and it was in the back – you know, where the mechanics went) well, you get the picture. So hang in there – you will be praising him too, as if you weren't already with that stunning little man.

I remember the pins and needles… That lansohl works wonders.. Hot showers with olive oil ..
Sometimes I would make ice packs and wrap them in a kitchen towel.. Once she get her Suck down you will feel much better and The Oxytoxin.. will really really Kick in…and all will be better