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The Reason Kids Are Cute

Let’s all agree….Kids are cute…..Whether they’re your own or someone else’s…..their curiosity and genuine love of life is contagious….They tend to be clumsy which is always handy if you need a good laugh…they say the strangest shit and they ask good questions…. They sound like munchkins when they talk…. What’s not to love…?? But what is it that makes them adorable and what change happens that turns them into haggard youngsters until they start to become young gentlemen and ladies…..??? I’ll tell you what it is…….

IT’S THE TEETH…!!

THAT’S IT ……THE TEETH……!!!!

If you are a decent parent you have at least 6000 pictures of your little ones somewhere in your house…..If you are an aunt of uncle…you are obligated to only have 3000 photos to be considered decent….If you don’t have kids….look at your own school pictures….If you don’t have any ….imagine your friends kids smiles over the years….Trust me….It’ll come to you……

Children are cute because they have baby teeth that are proportionate to their little faces….Once those teeth fall out….their faces begin to change….First the bottom teeth fall out and really don’t cause any significant changes….but those top teeth…..once those front ones fall out….you are temporarily stuck with a vampire….Then the incisors go and you’re stuck looking at a young face that now resembles a toothless sixty year old that didn’t wear dentures and can literally gum corn off the cob with no effort at all……That’s not a pretty picture……

Once you have begun to accept the new look bestowed on your once adorable kid…..all hell breaks loose…..The new….huge….teeth come in….And they always come in completely fucked up……They have a strange yellowness to them that doesn’t occur anywhere in the natural or artificial world…..They are gigantic….and just when you think your poor kids mouth isn’t going to be able to accommodate the size…..the damn things get even bigger….They are crooked….gapped….crisscrossed…..every imaginable negative quality you can imagine…..and they keep growing while your kid’s head stays the exact same size…..

Not all hope is lost though…..This is only a temporary state and eventually your kids head will grow into their teeth and they won’t look so beastly…..Until then …try to take pictures from further away ….and try focusing on background details …like monuments and trees and stuff…….Most importantly ….keep reminding yourself that it’s not going to last forever and don’t ever mention any of this to your kid…..

Revel in the cuteness of your kids while you can….because once those baby teeth are gone….cuteness is not going to magically reappear….. It’s gone…but….don’t worry….cuteness will soon be replaced with something equally as rewarding…..a pretty young lady or a handsome young man….. Well….until their hormones kick in and you want to feed them to a pack of wild pigs that is………

For those of you that don’t have any pictures of kids….. don’t have any pictures of yourself….and can’t for the life of you remember what a kid looks like….I’ve included a real picture of what THE TEETH can do…….