I looked at the woman, and then at the man who was clearly not in her lap. He was close though, about a foot away, maybe? Sorry, I mouthed. I handed her a can of Diet Coke and a cup of ice and communicated to her in words I knew she’d understand: “Unfortunately he’s allowed to be in your lap.”

There are certain topics I avoid in polite conversation: Politics, religion, and the right to recline on an airplane. People feel very strongly about these things, and if the conversation gets heated there’s nowhere to hide — especially if you are on an airplane, 30,000 feet above the ground. In 18 years as a flight attendant, there has been more than one occasion I’ve considered locking myself inside an empty cart.

I don't mean to sound so harsh but enough is enough. Passengers can recline. You can't stop them.

Flight attendants hear more complaints about recliners from antirecliners than anything else.

One time a woman wearing Coke-bottle glasses called me over to show me that she could not put down her tray table because of the seat in front of her. I suggested that perhaps if she removed the very large fanny pack from around her waist, it might go down. By the way she looked at me you’d think I was the crazy one.

She punished me by not ordering a drink.

I once had another passenger complain about a recliner. I had to point out that he was reclining too. #Recliners

Then there was the guy who had the nerve to complain about a recliner, even though his own seat was reclined. But he didn’t care, he just kept on complaining.

Even the people who, if you saw on the street, would think were the picture of politeness get upset about personal space on an airplane. An older woman threatened to punch a teenage girl in the face when the girl put her seat back. I had to remind the woman — a grown, adult woman — that's not how we do things around here.

Wish I could say that over the PA. MT “@ricklundl You want a big seat? A meal? You'll get nothing and like it!” @nycjim

There are two kinds of people in this world: Recliners and Anti-recliners. They do not get along.

While most passengers dread turbulence, what leaves a lot of flight attendants dreading a long flight are on-board confrontations, which seem to be happening more often these days. It’s a really big deal for us to walk off a flight or have a passenger removed. Diverting a flight is absolutely the last case scenario, so the two passengers who were left in Chicago after fighting over a reclining seat must have been completely terrible.

Whoever you side with in the Great Seat Reclining Debacle of 2014, there's one thing that needs to be said: All passengers are allowed to recline their seats. Even during meal service, even right after the pilot announces we're at a safe altitude, even when you want to work on your laptop.

Anti-recliners: It doesn’t matter how you feel about recliners, because they are allowed to do so, and they don’t even have to ask permission.

Of course, recliners should be mindful of the way in which they recline. Maybe give the person behind you a heads up so their drink doesn’t spill? I've seen laptops damaged all the time by speedy recliners who whip back like they're in a free fall. But anti-recliners should not try to block the seat in front of them with their knees, or threaten bodily harm if the person reclines even "one more time."

We're adults here, guys. This is not acceptable behavior on or off an airplane.

As for the Knee Defender — the blocking device the guy on the flight used — leave it at home. The airline doesn't allow it and we will confiscate them.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned flying the unfriendly skies it’s this: You can’t please everyone. Somebody is going to suffer, somebody is going to have a miserable flight, somebody will be assigned the last row, or a middle seat, or will have to come in contact with a child.

I know, I know, it’s not fair. But we’re talking coach class in the twenty first century, where personal space comes at a premium, and we all need to remember to be just a little kinder. Some people are tall and really do need the extra space. Think of a man the size of Shaquille O’Neil. It’s not his fault his company puts him in coach due to cutbacks. Be mindful of the situation that we are all collectively in. Chances are the person in front of you has no idea they’ve crossed that mental barrier between you and the rest of the world.

Now I’m going to tell you what I tell my eight-year-old son every time we travel together. There’s no crying in flying. Toughen up.

Really, this isn’t a war on recliners. This is about space.

Forget the flat screen TV’s with state of the art entertainment and overpriced processed snacks. What passengers really want is a little elbow room, a place to breathe, and the ability to get in and out of their row without mashing their face against the seat in front of them.

And the airlines know this. It’s why they came up with premium economy.

So if you really do need a little more space, toughen up and pay the fee for a seat with a little more legroom.

BONUS: How to Pack the Perfect Suitcase

Heather Poole is a flight attendant for a major U.S. carrier, and the author of the New York Times bestseller "Cruising Attitude: Tales of Crashpads, Crew Drama and Crazy Passengers at 35,000 Feet." You can follow her on Twitter at @Heather_Poole.

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