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Topic: The haves and have-nots at the company party (Read 30429 times)

From the sound of it, I can see how the OP would be put off by something like this. I have an aunt and uncle who are quite well off due to him being quite an astute businessman. They have a nice big house with nice stuff, but I honestly can't remember either of them making a deal out of it. I've been to their house a couple of times for Thanksgiving dinners and I remember the first time being impressed with the wine cellar, kitchen, the bathrooms and bedrooms and such that made it great for hosting around 20 people. One of my aunts joked out of earshot of her brother that she'd love to have even a 1/4 of the money he made.

But the comments, like the boss's wife whining that her car looks like all the others in the lot and telling the receptionist to know when the Mercedes dealership calls so that others would hear it? I can forgive the OP for feeling the urge to roll her eyes. Especially at the part about her car looking like the others in the lot. I drive a Dodge Caravan, they're a dime a dozen around here and yet I manage to find mine every time.

I have no problem with people who have money to do the things they like to do. But it does get tiresome when some choose to brag about it every chance they get.

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

I felt quite compassionate toward the hostess when I read the OP; just from what was written, she sounds to me (as DaDancing suggested) as though she doesn't know how to talk to people. "Stuff" is at least something she knows something about. And then to be so pleased after the party at the hospitality she showed you all....she sounds awfully lonely, actually.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was shy. Especially having spent (it sounds like) most of her life so far working to get where she is. I wonder if she had time to go to school, or kick back and have crazy philosophical discussions on a lazy wine-soaked afternoon, or whatever it is that you think she should have had to make her a better conversationalist.

It's an odd culture, the U.S.A. Most of us claim to want more money than we have, but then when we get it, who can we share the benefits with without becoming the target of resentment?

My Dad went from dirt poor to quite wealthy, and boy, did he treasure the people who were friends from the beginning of the journey and "knew him when." He never boasted about his $$ (he was brought up with traditional manners and very well self-educated), but he felt, inside, so insecure next to people who were born into more and got to go to college and do the things he could not. Insecurity can breed some wonky behavior sometimes.

I guess my heartstrings are being tugged for the hostess in this thread because I can imagine how devastated Dad would be if he threw a party for his employees and this was how it was talked about afterward.

An invitation really isn't a summons. If you can't enjoy yourself at the owner's property, be sick on party day next year.

Honestly, OP, I think you are the one with the attitude problem. It sounds like they are generous employers who are kind enough to invite their employees to their home, feed them well, and allow them to enjoy the wonderful things they own.

If you find them off-putting, you can always get another job or skip the party next year. I don't think it's fair to accept their hospitality and then roll your eyes at them behind their back because they are wealthy and you aren't. Choose to be happy for them that they have found financial success to the point that they can hire and pay employees.

I think I agree with this. They have done well for themselves, are sharing it with their employees, and they get criticized for it. Just smacks of sour grapes a little bit.

Can we somehow put a bug in someone's ear to have next year's party elsewhere?

Not really. They are the owners. If they want to have a party for their employees, they can have the kind of party they want.

I can totally understand how tiresome it can be when someone likes to brag and name-drop all the time. I think all you can do is accept that Mrs. Boss is someone who does that, and find ways to ignore or cope with it (like the bingo game idea).

Or perhaps, as others said, maybe she's just terrifically excited about her new farm, and won't be so over-the-top next year.

I have a dear friend that likes to mention how much everything costs, from her new curtains to her new diamond ring. It used to irk me. More than the words, it was the tone of voice that made her comes across as bragging.

Then, one day, I was at her house and her husband was in a bad mood and I learnt that her life was not what I pictured. Since that day, my friend has opened up about her home life, and that she is always criticised and put down, both by her husband and her sons.

Armchair physiology suggests that my friend uses material assets to feel better about herself and these days I am still put off by her bragging, but now I comment in a way to build her up rather than pay lip service as I once did.

In no way, am I suggesting that boss treats his wife meanly, just suggesting there maybe Mrs Boss has issues that her employees are not aware of. And yes, it is hard when someone repeatedly makes you aware of how much they own and how much they spend, but in this case I would go to their party and grin and bare it.

Honestly, OP, I think you are the one with the attitude problem. It sounds like they are generous employers who are kind enough to invite their employees to their home, feed them well, and allow them to enjoy the wonderful things they own.

If you find them off-putting, you can always get another job or skip the party next year. I don't think it's fair to accept their hospitality and then roll your eyes at them behind their back because they are wealthy and you aren't. Choose to be happy for them that they have found financial success to the point that they can hire and pay employees.

I think I agree with this. They have done well for themselves, are sharing it with their employees, and they get criticized for it. Just smacks of sour grapes a little bit.

No, they're not "sharing" it with their employees, they're "showing" it to their employees.

Unfortunately, one's employees are the last people who one should be bringing over to crow, "Hey, look at all our stuff! Isn't it great?" because employees will likely see this as a zero-sum issue. More money going into Boss's pockets means less money going to them. Now, if they view their workplace as a bastion of fairness and opportunity, they may be happy to see their employer rolling in dough as a just reward for their efforts. However, if, the staff has just been given the lecture about how "times are hard, and some of you will have to go, and the rest of you will have to get used to making less money for more effort," this will only persuade them that Boss and Mrs. Boss are hardhearted robber barons who are wallowing in luxury at their expense. This will *not* in any way improve workplace morale.

Boss and Mrs. Boss should restrict showing off their material wealth to their friends and neighbours, whose envy may not be unappreciated. If they want to have a nice party for their employees, they should do it at an outside venue where there is less chance of invidious comparisons.

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My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

I do think they are sharing. The wife is all ready talking about uding tje firing range for necy ueat'd picnic. They have the fishing derby, the games, the fireworks. They cater a nice meal. All of that is very generous. OP and the other employees have a whole lot more perks than most people in the workforce.

I do think they are sharing. The wife is all ready talking about uding tje firing range for necy ueat'd picnic. They have the fishing derby, the games, the fireworks. They cater a nice meal. All of that is very generous. OP and the other employees have a whole lot more perks than most people in the workforce.

I'm sorry but I can't understand your second sentence here.

I agree with previous posters that the boss lady may just be excited and happy to show people her farm. I would be

I do think they are sharing. The wife is all ready talking about uding tje firing range for necy ueat'd picnic. They have the fishing derby, the games, the fireworks. They cater a nice meal. All of that is very generous. OP and the other employees have a whole lot more perks than most people in the workforce.

I'm sorry but I can't understand your second sentence here.

I agree with previous posters that the boss lady may just be excited and happy to show people her farm. I would be

If I may venture my reading: "The wife is already talking about using the firing range for next year's picnic."

The phrase that to mind is "new money". Ie, someone who has recently become wealthy, but has not yet learned to be gracious and tactful about the fact.

Yes, having a bunch of people who are a lot poorer than you over for a party and then bragging about how much money you've spent on X, Y, and Z and how much money you're going to spend on A, B, and C is tacky and gauche. Particularly if the person in question normally name drops, brand drops, and makes sure everyone knows how much stuff cost.

However, as job problems goes, it's pretty minor, and the party only happens once a year. Complaining to the boss about his wife is rarely a good idea, and will only get you into trouble. So I'd suck it up, and maybe play a mental game of bingo with it next time.

Honestly, OP, I think you are the one with the attitude problem. It sounds like they are generous employers who are kind enough to invite their employees to their home, feed them well, and allow them to enjoy the wonderful things they own.

If you find them off-putting, you can always get another job or skip the party next year. I don't think it's fair to accept their hospitality and then roll your eyes at them behind their back because they are wealthy and you aren't. Choose to be happy for them that they have found financial success to the point that they can hire and pay employees.

This reads as if, because they deign to employ the OP, it's impossible for them to be gauche or rude or off-putting in their demeanor about their money. Nobody is criticizing them for actually having the money itself.