Local scientists Dr Rachel Goody and Dr John Guest have perfected an equation allowing them to determine that everyone looks shocking compared to the image they see in the mirror. Proving once and for all that while you may leave the house believing you look all Jack the Biscuit you’re actually wandering around with a face like a spare croissant and by appearance alone are more than capable of giving a police horse PTSD.

“We hope that by raising awareness of this issue people will be inspired to look less scary,” Dr Goody told us. “We look in a mirror for minutes in a day, we have to look at each other for hours and it’s harrowing when all you can see is ham with bad haircuts.”

“My colleague and I will now begin work on an appearance improvement engine. Until it’s ready our advice would be to always remember that the mirror lies, the scales don’t and that human beings already come in loads of brilliant and beautiful skin tones so there’s no need to try to add bright orange into the mix.”