a lover of learning who is currently treading on a path to immerse her brain in educational + encouraging experiences

Jun 23, 2016

Pray to God

I am sitting in front of my computer with my hands clasped in prayer (well, before I began writing this), and listening to Pray to God… Let me just write freely. (This track is so good, btw!) Just returned from the most fantastic holiday of my life! And I can’t stop thinking about the places I have seen, and the people I have met. I never thought I would fall out of love with Bombay, but clearly, I have. There were a lot of places to see in Europe on our list, but ultimately we narrowed it down to four cities: Rome, Paris, Barcelona, Lisbon. (Oh, and if you live in any of these places, you must not leave it, ever! Europe is officially my favourite continent.)

We could not have picked four better choices in my opinion (except for Paris, I’m not sure why but I didn’t love it like I thought I would). Rome is well, LOVE! The commuting alone rocked my socks; their architecture, art, castles, fountains, history, people, ruins, structures, trains, et cetera… WOW. You could just feast your eyes on the sites (er, sights, if you will) and be full. For once, I forgot about food and men and whatever else. I was falling in love with something new, again. Okay, Paris. (Won’t take away Arc de Triomphe; the churches: Notre-Dame, or the Église Saint-Augustin de Paris; Eiffel Tower: Viewing the city from the second level was exhilarating; Musée du Louvre; Shakespeare and Company or the Catacombs of Paris from them— I do love all of those places, but the city as a whole is somewhat okay.)

Barcelona is beautiful! Took me in by complete surprise, it is so colourful and warm, and just loverly… I could see myself living there for close to a year or more just to soak up all the creativity around. Thinking of it is making me miss it more, so will leave more details on my blog when I can. I was happily awestruck in b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l Barca! And, Lisbon. Lisbon is home. From the weather to the people to the festivals and food, music and so much more — it was like being in a place that reminded me of Cuba, Goa, Mexico all at once — so weird, so wonderful. I have to go back there.

(What am I praying to God for? I keep praying. I need some pushing. I am not sure where I am, in life, RN.)

Now that I am back, and missing the lands I’ve just been to… The only constant goal I can think of is to make money. (Maybe to go back to these places, save up in general, help my parents find security in their own future, etc.) More of it, rather. I haven’t had that stability for a long time now. Freelancing (while comforting on the body, mind and soul) pays the bills, but what I make now doesn’t add to my savings. Working a full-time job here (Bombay) is frustrating and soul-sucking, based on some of the experiences I have had. Starting something on my own freaks the fuck out of me (screw the worrying, I don’t have the courage to break into my savings account — it’s not much), and so I’ve just hit the PAUSE button on everything. Like yeah, I’m going through the motions, moving — but I’m directionless. Anyway, this isn’t a pity party so I don’t really want to hear it from everybody. I know what I have to do. It’s the approach that needs some evolving/tweaking. I need to redeem myself — I need to find my own Purpose à la Justin Bieber. No, seriously.