The AMA Announces a Newly Discovered Disease!

That’s right, there’s a new ‘disease’ on the street and it’s called ‘Anti-CalvinItis Disease”, or ‘ACID’, for short.

ACID first appeared on the AMA radar screen when several college students began twitching uncontrollably when, in a ‘Religious Studies’ class at their university (unnamed for security concerns), the course Professor inadvertently let the name “Calvin” slip out during a Christian History lecture. The professor has since lost his tenure at the university as well as his teaching credentials.

A policy had been put in place prohibiting the use of the name ‘Calvin” in front of ‘mixed’ audiences (Calvinists & Arminians), and other terms suggested as substitutes. Ignorance of the policy was no excuse. Good luck at Burger King, Professor.

‘Official’ disease status for ACID was granted after a severely distressed Arminian gunned down three men at a bus stop in Philadelphia who were discussing the Reformed Theology class they had just attended. Since we know that we are all born in a sinless pristine state, outside influences must have driven the poor Arminian to do what he did.

Now that ACID has made it to the AMA’s official disease list, the Defense Team for the jailed Arminian expects to be the first to use an ‘ACID Reflex’ defense in court.

The trial will be broadcast by CSPAN, FOX NEWS, TBN and GOD TV

AMA staff members and researchers are currently preparing comprehensive lists of ACID symptoms, effects, stages, and preventive measures, which will be incorporated into diagnosis, treatment and prevention information, both in printed form and to be disseminated via every media source available (your tax dollars at work).

The seriousness of the spread of this disease is unknown at this time, but the Mayo Clinic is on the case. While it is already certain that ACID can cause a degradation of rational thought processes it is hoped that recovery is possible. 12 Step Program Gurus are working on recovery programs as we speak.

It’s really sad, actually. ACID gets so bad with some that I think they become blind to the very logic in the text of some passages. I don’t think I ever succumbed to the disease, but there was a time when all I knew about Calvin were lies and untruths. I didn’t actually get serious about studying Calvin until after scripture itself had persuaded me of the truths of Sovereign Grace. Of course, the issue is probably a much deeper one than just John Calvin, but I thought a somewhat light-hearted look at it might be profitable. I’ll be checking out the links you provided!