Let me come right out and admit that I have a terrible track record when it comes to making pitches at conferences. At least, I’m not so good at selecting the right agent for my four-minute sit-down appointment. Cherry Weiner waved me away with one stroke like she was a cynical fairy godmother and I was a wanna be frog prince. Or more specifically, a frog.

But then lo and behold, I had great pitch conversations on the fly, when I hadn’t been prepping and when I wasn’t trying to impress. Which leads me to today’s post—if you’re a person who works best fully prepared and working from some memorized text, these bullet points of advice probably aren’t up your alley. On the other hand, nothing read, nothing gained.

Stop memorizing—This isn’t the 6th grade production of the H.M.S. Pinafore, there need be no exact lines here. I get so concerned that I’m going to miss some darling turn of phrase I’d included in my pitch that I spit that part out and forget to tell the agent something much more pertinent. And the whole time I’m speaking I think I look like I’m desperate to hold in my bladder. It’s not a winning combination of events. Make sure you have the salient points in your head about your book. The agent doesn’t need to hear your lyrical prose from your own lips—she or he is looking for good ideas. The wordsmithing comes into it when you send in a partial or full manuscript, not in the elevator.

Turn down the desperation—While the editor is at the urinal, do not start your pitch. Or when she’s eating a sandwich in the three spare minutes she has all day. Ye olde “elevator pitch” is a lovely idea, but it’s all too easy to look like you’re three seconds away from a mental break and all the agent has for help is a lift phone to the front desk. Breathe, stay calm, don’t go into every pitch as if this is ohmygod your big break moment. You’re more likely to fall from a plane and be mauled by a lynx in the same day. Writers on the edge are everywhere at conferences, congenial ones are much more interesting to the overworked publishing professional.

Lower your expectations—This follows on the heels of the last point for a reason. Writers need to ratchet down their stress level. One way is to run a reality check on how we’re coming off to agents, and the next is to take a step back and consider what this pitch really is. It’s an exchange. I describe an idea, the agent responds with their reaction. If I am ready for a contract for representation to be slapped on the table, I’m going to be disappointed, but I’m also not allowing the agent to have much of a response other than an internal “How do I get away from this guy?” one. However, if I sit down and say, “So here’s my idea,” keeping it casual, I will more likely get some very valuable information (even if it’s a rejection), which is my point of the exchange. If one of the questions I want to answer via a conference is “Does this idea work?” then I must be prepared for a negative. And when I expect a negative, any positive feedback is refreshing.

Know your stuff—Far more helpful than memorizing a logline is knowing how sales are doing in your genre generally. Or knowing to avoid making any reference to Eat, Pray, Love or Twilight. The more a writer knows about what’s going on in publishing (sales of ebooks verses trade paperback, for example), the more she will impress the agent that she is a good person to work with, even if the agent doesn’t want to represent that particular book. One agent told me last August, “I don’t do time travel books,” but because she already knew my reputation, wanted to hear the idea anyway. What I had there was an opportunity, because she liked me personally, to pitch her a story she’d never represent so that she could think of any other agents where she could refer me. And because I felt so low pressure during that particular pitch, it was by far the most fun I’ve had throwing one.

Have more than one project—To be clear, only pitch one project at a time. Don’t initiate another project conversation unless the agent asks first. That’s a sign they’re interested in you if not your exact project. What agents don’t want to hear is the “Well, how about this idea? Or this?” as if you’re a smorgasbord of book projects. Don’t be the Golden Corral. The Golden Corral is an awful, terrible place to personify. But do be able to show that you’re a serious writer with more than one book in your offerings. At least be working on something new. Agents and especially publishing houses want to work with writers who are in it for the long haul. So when someone tells you they don’t do time travel, you can tell them you’ll speak with them next year about your current project. And when they ask what that current project is (because being coy works so well to draw them into your flame), you can get some early feedback on the idea. And that is gold.

7 Comments on “Pitch Preparedness for Writers”

Thanks for this. I usually prepare for things til I’m blue in the face but when it comes to the presentation I go blank. Chicon this year will be the first time I’ll give my pitch to an agent/editor and I’m already nervous. It’s not until August!

@Madison Woods – oh, you expect to be at ChiCon? I hope we’ll cross paths there!

On pitch preparedness, the best way to do it is to reverse your mindset from “I want you to …” all the way over to “You have a problem? I have the solution to that!”

Agents and editors have the problem of filling a fast-moving pipeline of product that has to move to a given target. They don’t need any more problems tossed at them — like yours for example, which is “I have to sell something soon or else!”

So put yourself in the business of a plumber, coming into a house with water on the floor from the washing machine. “Oh, I have the solution to that clogged pipeline right out there in my truck.” You don’t come into that house and try to sell a new washing machine. You sell them the service of unclogging the pipeline.

You’re in the business of selling solutions, not the business of begging for others to solve yours.

Yes, and for better or for worse writers need to be appealing and professional. Because after all, we would expect that in return from any agent or editor. We need to be willing to work on our craft and art but respect that we’re in a business, a publishing industry.

@evmaroon – thanks 🙂 I hope Chicon is all I’ve heard it will be. Sounds like a lot of fun and mainly a networking opportunity (not trying to make it a sell opportunity because from what I understand, sales generally don’t happen at cons anyway).

@jacqueline – if you are going to Chicon we’ll have a to make a point to connect at some point! I’ll be there Thurs night through Monday morning, possibly Monday afternoon. Email me madison at ancientearthwisdom.com if you like 🙂

As far as offering a solution to an agent’s problem… There are so many ways I can be an asset to an agency that’s the right match, so I’ll work on that angle. But I’ll only have the one book done and another in the pipeline so what I have to offer is a little less tangible: great marketing skills, professional demeanor, quick to respond, willing to learn, etc… Will any of that help or do you have something more specific in mind when you’re offering solutions or writers are offering solutions to agents/editors?

BUY THE UNINTENTIONAL TIME TRAVELER!

Buy Bumbling into Body Hair!

Endorsements

"Everett's work is luminous, brilliant, thoughtful and brave. I am so proud to be on this earth with him. He is who we all fight for, and he is the future of our community."
—Margaret Cho, comedian and author of I Have Chosen to Stay and Fight

"Everett Maroon has written a book that is brave, funny, smart, and true. I admire his courage, his wit, his unflinching eye, and most of all, his persistance and determination to be himself. This book is a gift from a very generous writer. The story of Everett's journey will stay with me for a very long time."
—Lesléa Newman, author of October Mourning: A Song for Matthew Shepard and Heather Has Two Mommies

"Reading Bumbling into Body Hair by Everett Maroon—LOVE IT! Great message for trans folk on being our whole selves—AND it's funny."
—Kate Bornstein, author of My New Gender Workbook and A Queer and Pleasant Danger

Email Subscription

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4,195 other followers

Top Rated

Archives

Archives

Disclaimer

All of the writing on this blog, unless I have otherwise noted or cited it, is the creation and sole property of Everett Maroon. No writing from Transplantportation.com may be reproduced or used without my express written permission. For permission to reproduce or use my writing, please email me at ev.maroon at gmail dot com.