The Top Five Awful Star Trek Tattoos

byGreat White Snark| updated onDecember 25, 2009

Yes, fine, the new Star Trek movie is great. I saw it, I liked it, I periodically made gleeful sounds. Let’s not make a big thing of it.

In fact, let’s not too quickly forget that not so long ago, the Star Trek franchise had worked harder to earn scorn and derision than any “celebrity” with a reality show on VH1. (Star Trek: Nemesis, anyone?)

So, before the world enters a brave, new era of not thinking Star Trek is the lamest thing since dressing as a Dungeon Master to your high school prom, I’d like to honor the formerly-flagging franchise with these awful, awful Star Trek tattoos.

Oh, man… now I, too, want the soulless eyes and serial-killer smile of a pasty-faced android adorning one of my appendages!

Unfortunately, most of the real estate of my epidermis has been reserved for a sweeping, tattooed panorama of the characters of Twilight picnicking with the kids from Sweet Valley High next to a meadow of grazing My Little Ponies. As a Hello Kitty looks on, peeking from behind a fluffy cloud in the sky.

“There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. T’would be a pity to damage yours.” – Westley, The Princess Bride

But when you’ve got some big, pendulous mammaries… feel free to inflict some permanent scarring using an electric needle filled with ink, apparently.

Looks to me like an invitation for some sweaty dude at a Trek convention to poke her in the boob and say, “Beam me up, Scotty.” I bet she wasn’t thinking about that when she decided to permanently nerdify her cleavage.

Thanks to learning roman numerals in the 3rd grade and learning Google during my X-Files obsession, I have determined that #4 must be a reference to one “Jadzia Dax”, a Star Fleet officer from Deep Space 9. The numerals appear to be her birth and death dates.

I don’t feel proud of myself for discovering this. I just knew it’d bug me, not knowing what it was about, like when they put up a Postsecret in a foreign language.

Laura (#3) appears to be right – I figured out what the years were and that left me trying to figure out what the significance of 2341 and 2374 were – I knew 2374 occurred during “Deep Space Nine” and “Voyager” but a bit of research confirmed it – the dates of Jadzia Dax’s birth and death. Can we say, freaky?! Terry Farrell should probably be careful of this dude.

For that matter, Brent Spiner should watch out too. Who really wants to go around with “concussion-suffering Data” on their arm?! These are the people giving geeks a bad name…

I actually saw #5 in person on the weekend at a comic/scifi con. IT IS REAL, TRUST ME.
Didn’t get a picture because I was too afraid she’d be offended… but in hindsight, it’s probably exactly what she wants! She’s added a face each to her arm, too. Feel sorry for Karl Urban who we were lining up to get a hug from!

The best Star Trek tattoo I ever saw was one of Kirk giving it to Picard doggy-style. I tried to get Shatner to go have a look at this guy, but he declined after hearing the description of what he was going to see. LOL

Only because I’m a super dork, and the tattoo happens to grace my own skin… The Data tattoo IS of Data. From Encounter at Farpoint to be exact.
And I thank the #1 commenter – I never, ever noticed his pupils being out of whack. Thank you. I will get that fixed.