Filippo Pozzato (Lampre-Merida) threw his arms in the air thinking he had won the Roma Maxima race, only to discover a few seconds later that Blel Kadri (Ag2r-La Mondiale) had managed to stay away and win the first edition of the new-look Italian race.

The headline indicates that he was embarrassed, though I doubt anyone who sports a tattoo like this has the capacity to feel embarrassment:

Clearly the Vatican should be given dominion over the sport of pro cycling, since from an integrity standpoint it would be a seamless transition.

Moving on, as you attempt to recover from the state of arousal and/or revulsion (I don't judge, that's for "God" to do) caused by the above photo of a pro cyclist with his fly open and a tattoo of a karp eating fish food out of his navel, try to guess what city this is:

(Forwarded by a reader.)

If you said "Portland" then you're wrong, because this is Chicago:Heritage is a mash-up, not of the two most unexpected things you could think of, but of two concepts and cultures, that really go hand in hand. If you’ve never thought to pair bikes and coffee, don’t worry, because we are here making sense of it from 8am to 7pm, every day of the week.

This looks like a very nice place, but on what planet is the paring of bikes and coffee "unexpected?" Bikes and plumbing supplies would be unexpected. On the other hand, everybody knows cyclists won't shut up about coffee, and Chris King even makes an expresso tampon. Bike retail and coffee retail are so intertwined at this point that I give it five years before Starbucks starts offering bike repairs. After that even Dunkin' Donuts will get in on the act, and one day you'll walk in to buy a box of Munchkins only to find an "artisanal bike repair center" where a hapless employee bangs futilely on a Magna between microwaving those egg slabs for the breakfast sandwiches. (By the way, Dunkin' Donuts egg slabs make great heavy-duty tire boots. I've had one in my Big Dummy for 18 months now and it's still going strong. I'll let you know how it tastes when I finally get around to changing the tire.)

Of course, no bike-themed video would be complete without the "riding off into the sunset on the sidewalk" shot:

The Freeloader, its creators say, combines characteristics of both lightweight child carriers intended for short-term usage and sturdier models designed for hiking and other rugged activities. It can hold children 80 pounds and under.“We wanted to make something different, that wasn’t on the market,” Jansen said. “We’re pretty passionate about it.”

80 pounds is a lot of child. In fact, some adults don't weigh much more than that, and famous Austinite Lance Armstrong has reportedly been spotted around town "portaging" a strung-out Olsen twin in this revolutionary new device:

It's tempting to say that a child this age could also avoid fatigue by riding a bike or a scooter. However, it's important to remember that this is America, where two things are true:

1) Thanks to restaurants like Dunkin' Donuts, the average American child weighs 80 pounds by the age of 16 months;

and

2) Our streets are incredibly dangerous. Therefore, it's necessary to keep children in a state of womblike protection until they reach driving age, at which point we transfer them behind the wheel of a car. Ideally, until that day comes, they've taken less than 100 steps on terra firma--or, better yet, they've bypassed the walking phase entirely.

I saw her sitting at a bus stop. I was on my bike, I had pulled over to answer my phone and there she was sitting at the bus stop. Older than me but looking very young and sporting a short stylish doo, sorta like the supremes. It was her huge thighs that captured my attention and sparked in me a desire. She was wearing a short dress and decorative black leggings. I didn't think fast enough to come up with a good enough excuse to approach her so I continued on with my life and left hers uninterrupted. Another time on a two train a larger woman sat next to me. She wasn't pretty but I liked her face anyways and her out of shape body was appealing to me. As I struck up a conversation she seemed to enjoy the attention. There's been others like this but they don't answer Craigslist ads. I guess I just have to start taking chances and getting more forward. lol.

First, I should be given dominion over the Vatican, THEN we can talk about arousal, integrity, and who gets to judge what.

Surprisingly, no-one invited me into that room with all the men in funny hats, but fortunately I already have a white dress and red shoes, so I'm ready to go when they send up my smoke signal. I expect it will look a lot like the bat signal, only instead of batwings, you'll see an ass in the saddle.

dunkin' - is that a dig at Boston? btw - no one in around here actually eats their food - and we get iced coffee no matter what it's like outside. plus it's the only coffee shop that is conveniently located on both sides of the street and around both corners from Boston's sole bike shop: "gia's gear's."

The Mrs. And I had a nice time in Madison this weekend. We had some 12 year old aged cheddar with a glass of Blanton's bourbon. She looked especially pretty in her pantsuit.We had ourselves a bicycle bike ride around Lake Monona and watched some guys curling.DB

Heritage is just about as meh as you can get. I brought my nine year old there for a sandwich one afternoon. First of all he food was just as bad as what you can find pre-packed at Starbucks, second I wouldn't let the mechanics touch anything more difficult than a fixie.

By the way isn't the reason, beyond extreme pretentiousness, to own a fixie is that they really don't need any maintenance? I'd love to bring in a full suspension mountain bike and watch the "mechanics" have an aneurism.

Yes, my new favored venue for my once or twice weekly 'hot chocolate' run is now Piermont Cycle + Gypsy Donut. My beverage pairing just this past Saturday was a scrumptious banana and a Clif bar that I'd brought along. Sometimes while in Piermont I also take the opportunity to urinate somewhere.

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I took my bike to the shop to get a broken spoke replaced. Essentially, the mechanic not only broke two more spokes in the process, he also seated the tire improperly. $80 later, and my bike was more broken than when I came in. I had to take it to another shop down the street to get it fixed for real.

I complained to the owner, who refused to acknowledge the mistake, essentially called me a liar, and claimed that he "stands behind his mechanics 100%".

It astonishes me that these idiots are assembling bikes and selling them at high prices, when they can barely fix a flat.

My new business model: bikes made from iron plumbing and gas pipe, held together with the crew fittings.

I'll sell it as more durable than crabon and better for your health, given how much it will weigh. Plus, it's made from all-natural iron and manual labor by someone who hates people who fall for that stuff.

The Wonderful Nympho-Velo Experience....no matter how shriveled and uncooperative the unit from your ride our head mechanic can bring it back true and set it to proper tension with her special stroke wrench.

question to you comment regulars - if you got a flat directly in front of a bike shop would you:

a) sit out in front on the sidewalk with your patch kit and then later replace the tube in your home garage - but use their pump they keep out as a courtesyb) replace said tube with the extra tubes you carry around all the time - use your own mini pumpc) leave now completely worthless bike in the gutterd) pay $10 and have some "bike mechanic" manhandle your baby for 10 minutes.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!