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The greatest fault of the Landover Baptist Church comedy website is that it’s just not that funny. Yes, we’re in on the joke: this is neither a Baptist group, nor a church. Much like the liberals who infiltrated Tea Party rallies so they could be photographed holding up offensively racist signs, Landover Baptist’s purpose is to mock American values from within the hive. They also aren’t shy about cashing in on people’s shock and disgust while they’re at it. Ultimatelty, this website has nothing redeeming about it. It’s simply there to promote an open hatred of Christians while simultaneously subverting any possibility of honest dialogue in this country.

The truly sad thing about Landover Baptist is that this group never comes clean about its ultimate intentions. They stereotype the faithful as simplistic buffoons while avoiding the real issues of values, patriotism and God. For them, it’s all about the kicks to the gut, those short and hard bathroom jokes that the grunting herds of America can nod along with as they zip themselves up. But the site stinks of desperation, from the garish web design to the cloying writing style, from the shrill hawking of cheap paraphernalia to the outright deception of young readers, these people will do anything to rescue themselves from the oblivion of low page views. Sorry folks, your web site fails.

BUT IS IT COMEDY?
By any given standard, Landover Baptist Church and the character Betty Bowers fail as comedy. Comedy is meant to bring us joy and laughter. At times, it makes us see something hidden about ourselves. In this case, the people behind this site claim to be practicing satire. But satire needs the participant to be aware of the joke. Landover simply keeps this little secret all to itself. Yes, there are pages where the charade is revealed, but they do not go far enough. The message boards are one common area where visitors are tricked into thinking they are joining a genuine and vibrant Christian community. But the lie is never explicit and it’s heart-wrenching to see so many confused Christians lured into foolish distractions and loud arguments.

If you visit Landover’s website, I encourage you to post the following simple message: “This is satire.” Say it again and again to keep others from being fooled. Do not join that throng of pranksters who pose as righteous Christians or irate liberals. All these people are quite proud of themselves for harassing the innocent who stumble in. No, this is not fair nor is it fun.

A website that consistently promotes such a degree of out and out hostility crosses the line from failed comedy into libel, discrimination and the suppression of humanity’s basic right to practice religion freely. Were it any other creed that these people were mocking, surely they would be condemned as a hate group. In the end, there is nothing constructive or enlightening about Landover. They add nothing to the political discourse in this country, they never bring us genuine news and they represent an almost perfected disingenuousness that only spreads despair.

For a nation that so desperately needs to have an honest conversation about God, the efforts of Landover Baptist undermine the credibility of both sides. How can normal people trust any liberal if they’re so willing to engage in a longstanding campaign of disinformation and hate? Conspiracies like this cheapen the value of facts in all media. They sew the seeds of mistrust into every form of human interaction. If we lived in a society where all our information was composed entirely of such propaganda, would it be any different than China under Mao?

No, we should be teaching our children to love and have faith, to believe in ultimate truths and to seek out genuine facts. Skepticism can be a spiritual dead end, leading to extremes of fear and paranoia. As a basis for human existence, we must be willing to set aside doubts, to embrace our greatest mysteries and to have faith in that which we can barely understand.

About The AuthorStephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package! Facebook me here or Fanmail me: StephensonBillings@yahoo.com !

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This whole site is satire and doesn’t spell it out. Part of the freakin’ POINT of satire is for the individual to decide of it’s satire; if you spell it out in broad daylight it becomes a parody. They’re a parody of the kind of people you claim to represent, while this place is a satire since it’s never outright stated by you people.

And my age helps you how? Regardless of my age, it’s all about experience. No matter what my age is, I’m a better person than you. Why? Because you preach words that you don’t follow, you claim to love when all you do is hate, you’re creepy as hell towards Claire (and now me), and you can’t even agree with your own words. You pick bits and pieces of the Bible to follow, all to justify your insanity. Did Jesus say anything about black people? What about French people? Hell, what about white people (he WAS Middle Eastern after all)? You obviously don’t hate other white people based on just that, yet you’re racist towards black people and non-Americans and you’re a complete homophobe. If you pick one thing to latch onto, you have to take ALL of the good with ALL of the bad. If Jesus didn’t say anything about white people or black people, then if you’re choosing to not hate them, then you can’t hate gay people since Jesus didn’t say anything about gays.

And if you understood that, then it’s a freakin’ miracle, otherwise you’re going to insult me based on my ‘youngin’ age’ or being a liberal or some other asinine reason.

You’re the bitter one jackass, full of hate, trying to find things to hate, saying how everything is worse these days. Seriously, I’ve found emo kids that have a better outlook of life than you do. I hate you simply because you like to throw around false information about people and hate on them for it, and if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s shit like that, and people like you.

Comedian, do you truly think people (here and in your offline life) find you interesting or funny? And do you really think of yourself as a “comedian”? I have worked in the entertainment field, in front of the hardest audiences of all: children. They have no compunction against shouting you down or walking into another room if your act doesn’t work and work immediately. So I think I know what comedy is and satire, too. You, on the other hand, don’t seem to have a clue. You’re on an endless loop, like some crazy button that gets pushed– whatever I write about you have to instinctively disagree with. Usually you disagree without having a clue what you’re talking about or else you actually haven’t read a word past the date stamp at the top of this page.

I think you’re a bit useless, actually, but I do want to understand why you are so wrong-headed at times. I know you like to call me names, get enraged and all that, but what ultimately is your point? Do you have some larger message you’re trying to send here, promoting atheism or something like that? You are an odd little man.

As for my discussion of this website in question, you have not refuted anything or proven anything. You just throw your normal tantrums. It’s like watching a bad highwire stunt. I don’t even know why I bothered in the first place. Again, all I can do is tell you to re-read the article and try, try very hard, to understand what I’m saying, the moral message I’m sending out. Do you believe in anything spiritual at all?

Promoting “an open hatred of Christians while simultaneously subverting any possibility of honest dialogue in this country” is a pretty sad thing when you think about it.

//He’s probably just another port-smoking, motorbiking, skateboarding, free-wheeling teenager who will change his mind when he’s 30.//

Nice, good job generalizing alongside Stevie. I bet you’re a retard with a stick up his ass and rapes little boys every Sunday. Fun, ain’t it?

//Comedian, do you truly think people (here and in your offline life) find you interesting or funny? And do you really think of yourself as a “comedian”?//

Actually, several people here HAVE commented me positively, and I’m a freakin’ riot with my friends, so yeah, lame insult is lame.

//I have worked in the entertainment field, in front of the hardest audiences of all: children. They have no compunction against shouting you down or walking into another room if your act doesn’t work and work immediately.//

Thing is, loud noises and pretty colors capture most of their attention unless you’re referring to teenagers. I can make my brother and his friends roar with laughter, so obviously you fail at your day job.

//So I think I know what comedy is and satire, too. You, on the other hand, don’t seem to have a clue. You’re on an endless loop, like some crazy button that gets pushed– whatever I write about you have to instinctively disagree with.//

Actually, as I recall, I gave you a point or two in a couple areas, so obviously I have to have a brain if I can admit that you’ve made a few good points. As for telling what’s satire or parody, I’ll admit the line gets blurry, hence why I feel like this site is satire and you’re just a wandering soul that came in here by accident thinking it’s real.

//Usually you disagree without having a clue what you’re talking about or else you actually haven’t read a word past the date stamp at the top of this page.//

How’s that true if I quote you line for line on at least half the crap you type up in the article in the first place? Not only that, you barely read half a damn sentence and be done with that.

//I think you’re a bit useless, actually, but I do want to understand why you are so wrong-headed at times.//

Nice, abandon your Christian ways. Actually, you’d have to have them in the first place in order to abandon them now, don’t you? As for understanding why I’m so wrong-headed, it’s YOU who’s wrong buddy.

//I know you like to call me names, get enraged and all that, but what ultimately is your point? Do you have some larger message you’re trying to send here, promoting atheism or something like that? You are an odd little man.//

My point is to drill in your fat, thick skull that you’re a blasphemous zealot and that 90% of all other Christians are better than you since they know Christ’s words better. As for getting enraged? I’m one of the most chill guys on here, all my emphasis and words are just to drill the point in further, but you have so much fat in your head that it’s not going anywhere. And promoting atheism? Would it shock you if I told you I was a Christian? Or what if I was a different religion? Does it matter? No, you’re trying to find comfort in the fact that I’m against you and you’re delusional mind comes up with the only enemy you can think of and you stick me in there without knowing jack-shit about me or anyone.

//As for my discussion of this website in question, you have not refuted anything or proven anything. You just throw your normal tantrums. It’s like watching a bad highwire stunt. I don’t even know why I bothered in the first place. Again, all I can do is tell you to re-read the article and try, try very hard, to understand what I’m saying, the moral message I’m sending out. Do you believe in anything spiritual at all?//

I’ve gone and refuted your claims plenty of times, you’re just incredibly blind or retarded to notice. Not only that, but why bother at all if there’s so many lost causes here? Why not go back to your corner and make tin-foil pirate hats to wear before Judgment Day? As for understanding your message, it’s clear; you want to hate and hate and demonize everything. You’ll pick a subject, say it has a gay agenda and trying to help gays take over the world, and run with it, no matter what obstacles are in your way, even if you run into a damn mountain.

//Promoting “an open hatred of Christians while simultaneously subverting any possibility of honest dialogue in this country” is a pretty sad thing when you think about it.//

You’re promoting an open hatred of everything non-Christian, or hell, everything that doesn’t fit your specific ideals. I’m not promoting anything, people can make up their own damn minds when given the right information. It’s sick, disgusting psychos like you that try to twist and destroy the right information and pass off lies in their stead. You haven’t gotten your head out of the damn clouds since the freakin’ 70’s because you believe everything foreign is evil without doing one iota of actual research.

I’ve created several accounts on that site over the past couple of years, and I always manage to get banned. They don’t take kindly to women with opinions nor do they take kindly to people outing them as pranksters.

In fact, I think that the “people” (and I use the term loosely) at Landover, particularly one Pastor Ezekiel Flint, have taken the “joke” so far that they’ve unconsciously indoctrinated themselves into believing what they say.

These people are cruel, heartless, and quite frankly, criminal. If it really is a joke, as many people say, then they have truly sick senses of humor. Anybody who continually jokes about things like rape, spousal abuse, child abuse, slavery, and incest is a potential threat and needs to be investigated.

In fact, I compiled a small list of quotes (this grows day by day) from the Landover site admins and posters that can potentially be used as evidence against them.

“Bear in mind that daughters are a good thing to offer as prizes or rewards. “ – Ezekiel Bathfire

“I know that my 15 year old is fertile and I think my 12 year old is as well. Because there is alcohol in my house (for medicinal purposes only) I was wondering if it would be OK for my daughters to spike my Doctor Pepper and get me drunk so that I could impregnate them like in the story of Lot. Like all females, deep down they are harlots so I think they would enjoy it if I were to rape them.” – TC Patriot

“Family is family. If God refuses to enable your wife to provide you with a son, she must of done some terrible deed. A stern talking to followed by a few weeks in her prayer closet might be what she needs for the future. But that could be a long time, you are not getting any younger. God may well of provided you with fertile daughters to bear you a son. He may well of designed all of this to shame your wife. I think if you do impregnate one (or both) of your daughters, your wife should be there during the act to provide cold beverages and wipe away the sweat. Remember, you must ‘do it’ many times to ensure it takes, typically every day for six to eight weeks.” – James Hutchins

“There are a couple of concerns. I don’t want to sully the Patriot family gene pool by having some man other than me impregnate my girls. Being that I am saved so is my seed so the chances that I would sire a an unsaved male child are slim. Also, the wife is not young and fresh like my girls and I am concerned that she might give birth to a retard like Trigger Palin.” – TC Patriot

“Who said any thing about kids, we are talking about fully grown females, 15 and 12 years of age. Are you some sort of prevert?” – James Dewitt

“Let’s say one of our daughters is gang raped by 5 or 6 men. Which one should she be required to marry? The reason I ask is because my oldest girl has been a bit sassy in spite of the many bare bottom spankings. I think the Lord has a brutal rape in her future to teach her the lesson she cannot learn from me. Should I arrange for her to be raped by a True Christian suitable to be her husband or should I leave it in God’s hands?” – TC Patriot

Now, those quotes are only a fraction of the horrible things these people have said. A lot of people laugh at me for taking them so seriously – “Oh Claire, it’s just a joke!” – but I don’t give a fuck anymore. Anybody whose funny bone gets that tickled by constantly making jokes about rape, incest, child/spousal abuse (there was one thread where they went into detail about what implement should be used to beat your pregnant wife and how often it should be done, when the beatings should begin, etc) needs to be in prison. It’s not funny, it never was funny.

So, my stance on the whole Landover thing is: whether they’re who they claim to be or they’re simply pranksters, they are all potential threats to women, children, babies, and society.

Interesting, Claire. I didn’t realize you were so involved in other sites, though I am sorry to hear that you got banned. Fortunately CW is a far more open community.

As for the general direction and dishonesty of that place, it’s pretty pathetic and when I wrote this piece I received several enraged emails from this Ezekiel fellow in the dead of night. Oh well, at least more people have become aware of their con. They truly do make a good amount of money from it, however, with all their products and whatnot. Sort of disappointing that they think this is fun.

Comedian: when you comment on so many comments the whole page gets indented and narrow and it’s very tough to read. There are so many things in your comment I want to respond to I barely know where to start.

1) You hide behind anonymity and refuse to give us the slightest clue what type of person you are. Why? Shame?

2) Children love my work for its creativity and love.

3) You type so much it would be almost impossible for you NOT to get something right once in awhile. When you are correct, I will and do give you credit. But that’s rare because you just aren’t focused in how you respond. Also you need to be more succicnct.

4) Calling you useless may have been a bit much, but you are FRUSTRATING!

5) Are you a Muslim or Buddhist or something? I think informing us of your bias is appropriate and only fair.

6) 90% of Christians are better than me? Who are the 10% who are worse, I’m curious to know.

7) You have avoided any questions about the article at hand and continue to do so. Once again, you have turned this discussion into a self-promoting awards dinner about YOUR PERSONAL ETHICS.

8) My arguments are sound and logical. If you appoach me intelligently, I will help you get the facts you need– whether it’s the health risks of homosexaulity or the political dangers facing this country right now. Just be polite!

//1) You hide behind anonymity and refuse to give us the slightest clue what type of person you are. Why? Shame?//

You silly, silly man. I am who I am. I can hide and reveal myself whenever. When given anonymity, I can use it to my free will, and when stripped of it, my antics and attitude do not change.

//2) Children love my work for its creativity and love.//

Jingling keys will get the same reaction from them then.

//3) You type so much it would be almost impossible for you NOT to get something right once in awhile. When you are correct, I will and do give you credit. But that’s rare because you just aren’t focused in how you respond. Also you need to be more succicnct.//

It’s the reverse actually,. YOU type so much it’s almost impossible for you to NOT get something right once in awhile; I’ve even commented on such occasions. Everything I say about your attitude is true, down to the letter. Prove me wrong, prove me you aren’t a hateful bastard that should be wiped off the face of the Earth along with every other heretic like you. You’ll have one hell of a hard time trying until you realize just how damned wrong you are and you correct it. I gave you a list of shit to explain, and you just repeated yourself there, so you’re going to have to dig through your mountain of shit to see what you’ve gotten wrong.

//4) Calling you useless may have been a bit much, but you are FRUSTRATING!//

And you’re retarded, congratulations. You’ve brought this on yourself. Stop talkin’ smack about stuff and subjects you know nothing about and I’ll stop insulting you. You can start with your irrational hatred of fantasy, homosexuals, science, politics concerning the other side, non-White races, non-Christian religions, and women. Stop being so insulting to those groups and I’ll apologize and call you the better man. Until then, you’re nothing but scum (you’ve got quite the mountain to climb buddy).

//5) Are you a Muslim or Buddhist or something? I think informing us of your bias is appropriate and only fair.//

You want my religious outlook? I’ll tell you that when you’ve done your homework. If you’re seriously curious about that bit of info, you’ll have to find out just how wrong you are about, well, EVERYTHING.

//6) 90% of Christians are better than me? Who are the 10% who are worse, I’m curious to know.//

Well, there’s the other crazy bastards like you here, there’s the Fred Phelps Fags, as well as the politicians who push forward a religious agenda just to help their paranoia that’s similar to yours.

//7) You have avoided any questions about the article at hand and continue to do so. Once again, you have turned this discussion into a self-promoting awards dinner about YOUR PERSONAL ETHICS.//

You want me to comment about the article? How’s this: it’s a piece of shit. You’re insulting a parody site for being a parody site.

//8) My arguments are sound and logical. If you appoach me intelligently, I will help you get the facts you need– whether it’s the health risks of homosexaulity or the political dangers facing this country right now. Just be polite!//

No, your arguments are completely butt-fucked insane and filled with nothing but paranoia. Jesus said nothing about homosexuals, why condemn them? He didn’t say anything about politicians did he? He didn’t say anything about black people, did he? And so on and so forth You’re just hating things that are different and using the bible as an excuse to hate on it. Being into fantasy never hurt anyone, being gay never caused someone to die, and Christ said NOTHING about homosexuals or D&D or video games, or, hell, ANYTHING that’s gone on within the past 500 years. If you’re going to say that “Christ didn’t say it because it’s automatically evil” or some similar line of logic, then EVERY SINGLE THING that goes on can be called evil. The invention of the internet, your blog, your clothes, your hair, cars, jogging, and dear god the list could go on. You can’t just pick a few phrases, run with it, and ignore everything else or vice versa. You either follow the word to the letter or you treat everything the same. You can’t say ‘gays are evil because christ didn’t mention it’ and then praise something else that christ didn’t mention. Nor can you preach about love when all you do is hate and condemn and base people off of sins, which you are unqualified for.

//Where are you from, by the way?//

Again, how is this supposed to help you understand me? All you do is generalize, you don’t understand jack-shit.

“My arguments are sound and logical. If you appoach me intelligently, I will help you get the facts you need– whether it’s the health risks of homosexaulity or the political dangers facing this country right now. Just be polite”

if they are so logical then why do they fall apart every time we aply logic?
why do you rage every time we present you with facts that does not add up to what you just claimed? sure all your arguments follow a logic line of argumentation but it’s a really twisted logic that requires a lot of asumptions.
ever hear dof occams razor? try useing it.

about the article once again you belive that faith is more important than common sense. why is it so vital that i simply belive in god rather than question if he’s there or not.
seriously go with me for a second. asmue there is no god just for one second. if there is no god how much of a bad decision wouldn’t it be to simply have faith never questioning his existance?
i have never denied the posibilty of god. i say the existance of a god is extreamly unlikely. and should he exsist he is not the all loveing being you claim he is because the world would never be like it is now.
you say we should belive in the ultimate truth but it certainly isn’t god or anything relegious that is that because it’s not proveable. and you must be able to prove it to call it the ultimate truth.
faith is god on it’s own but realise what it means. it means to belive. and if someone does not belive in god how can they have faith? by lieing to themself? is that really what your ego needs?

Jazze, it hurts me to think that you have misunderstood me so intensely all this time…

As for your question… If there is no God… But there is a God and that’s where you fail! But hypothetically, even if God did not exist, what would be the hard in dedicating your life to living by a moral code based on history and love that has helped moved society forward for thousands of years? And what if you die and find out that indeed there is a God but you never paid him heed and you are sent to the pits of hell because you just were too lazy to believe in Him? And by any logical standard you cannot look at this world in all its splendor and think it all came about because some atom split a billion billion years ago and then some monkeys had babies and here we are? I just don’t buy all that nonsense.

And God asks Faith of us, to believe in Him. He doesn’t need to prove Himself to us! That’s why the onus is on us, it’s a test. Given free will, we have the freedom to chose to love God or not. If we chose not to love Him, we suffer on this earth and in the afterlife. If we embrace his love and help others to embrace it, we have a chance to find a place in Heaven. But by accepting Jesus as Your Personal Savior, you need to live in the Spirit and share the Spirit. God wants us to be dedicated to Him in everything and show others the way. That’s what I’m trying to do here.

“As for your question… If there is no God… But there is a God and that’s where you fail!”

Well, sorry, but there is NO proof of that, so we’re free to believe whatever we damn well please!

“And what if you die and find out that indeed there is a God but you never paid him heed and you are sent to the pits of hell because you just were too lazy to believe in Him?”

I’d rather live with Satan than with assholes like you. I’m not even kidding.

“And by any logical standard you cannot look at this world in all its splendor and think it all came about because some atom split a billion billion years ago and then some monkeys had babies and here we are?”

Yes, you can.

“I just don’t buy all that nonsense.”

Well, we don’t buy all that religious shit.

“And God asks Faith of us, to believe in Him.”

No, the HUMAN BEINGS who wrote the bible CLAIM that “god” asks that of us.

“If we chose not to love Him, we suffer on this earth and in the afterlife.”

Well, I’m certainly not suffering, and neither are my parents.

“That’s what I’m trying to do here.”

Right, you’re trying to force your religion on people who have vehemently told you that we can live our lives how we want to, thank you very much.

“By any given standard, Landover Baptist Church and the character Betty Bowers fail as comedy. Comedy is meant to bring us joy and laughter. At times, it makes us see something hidden about ourselves. ”

The only reason why you fail to find it comical is because you are failing to “see something hidden” about yourself. She merely speaks the same messages that you speak, yet she obviously does not believe them, and that’s why it is funny. In your situation, you claim to believe what you say, and that is not funny but instead it is scarey and sad.

Well isn’t this the pot calling the kettle black. What’s the matter, is old Pastor Fred more famous than you? How about we take your advice and start posting “this is parody” all over your site, would you like that?

Nice of Wikipedia to have it listed and explained.
Parts are very funny, if you have a slighly twisted sense of humour, (and I do) but more could and should be done to inform anyone who may read it literally (including kids).