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Rant No. 2: I Can’t Even…

You know how they told us post-college life sucks and we laughed it all off? Well, they were right.

~ Summer of 2016 ~

I sit staring outside my window, looking fondly at the rain waltzing with the wind. I have 3 tabs open on my browser — work, work, Amazon. Like most good desi kids, I graduated from an engineering college with a job and began my adult working life in a city far from home. The workplace seemed promising, the new city a welcome change, and life seemed to finally be going somewhere.

I take another gulp of black coffee. Like most good young engineers, I’ve quit my job. I’m giving the GRE(again). Apart from grad school applications, I have no idea what I’m going to be doing 2 months from now. I can hear my world coming to a screeching halt as the hands of my anxiety tighten their steely grip…

Breathe, I remind myself. All is not lost.

Yet.

First, it was all about finding a job before college ended because the alternative was terrifying. Then it became about settling and sticking to it, telling yourself it’s okay and all jobs suck and that you could use the money. So you stuck on, stumbling through a maze of assignments and performance reviews. Suddenly, you were surrounded by days of absolute bewilderment; of wondering if it was worth it and how(if) it was in line with your personal goals.

Now, you’re back to square one; to judging and questioning your self worth until you’re on a payroll, AGAIN.

The cycle repeats itself and reminds us that, for the larger part, we are seen for nothing more than our employability.