Ello

I'm not making this because I have to, I'm making this because I want to

When I met you 4 years ago, I was a broken mess of nothing. I struggled with my appearance, family, confidence, mental and physical health and every single day was a painful day of knowing that it was going to be difficult to get through this day. When I scoured through Omegle, I never expected to find you, I never expected to find someone that fulfilled all of me.

It was a place where casual conversations (and even weird ones) were the norm, but something struck a cord with you so much that we added each other (good move). I always think, what if he didn't add me? What if we clicked 'reconnect' at completely different times? What if [...]? I know I don't need to think about that, but it's crazy to think about isn't it? It just makes me think that this was meant to happen, and I kind of know it was.

The first thing you taught me was how to put someone before yourself. I needed someone, I was struggling so much, but when I saw your situation I knew that I had to be there for you. I'm so glad you reached out to me, because you gave me something positive to put my energy into, I know that I needed to be a friend for you, I know that I needed to put someone before me. It was a blessing, in a way. It gave me something good to distract and build upon. You put yourself before me for years. I never asked for it, but I know I needed it. I needed it at the expense of you, and I'm so sorry for that.

The second thing you taught me was attentiveness. How did you know I was struggling? Why did you ask me that you knew something was up with me? You taught me the importance of how to identify if someone's having a hard time, how to ask them about it, gently, how to approach a person that never really tells anyone how they're feeling, or what's up with them. You said all the right things, at the right time, and in the right pace. You inadvertently made me identify and confront my own quirks and feelings and taught me not to be afraid of what I'm feeling. You gave me perspective.

You showed me that caring, genuinely and so selflessly about people isn't gone from the world. You gave me second chances when I took the most awful actions. But you understood it was circumstantial. You just knew. You gave me love and care when nobody else was willing to give it to me. You sacrificed so much for me, you still sacrifice so much for me. You gave me your time, your mental energy that you never really had yourself, your resources, everything you knew was invested in to me. I can't tell you why you did that, I don't know why you did that, I'm sorry for it, but I love you for it. I guess what I'm trying to say in so many different pieces is that I am so, so thankful for you. You've given me everything I've ever needed from life. Your patience with me has been undying, your understanding has exceeded the realms of 'normal'. I don't know what I've done to deserve you, but I know that I'm lucky to have your presence in my life. I'll never forget that.

I want to marry you, I want for us to have a nice house together, in a pretty landscape with land and an aviary where we can rescue birds. I want to have children with you, and raise them with unconditional love. I want everything for us. My family are an addition, this is going to happen regardless. I promise I'm by your side. But please try your best to believe me. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this work, and I know that it will. But rest assured, regardless of what happens, I'm with you. I'm not leaving you. We can talk about this bit later, but we have some of my family support. So that's something, right? You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not for long. It's not a big deal, I have ways around it. Just please tune into this part especially.

You have honestly told me how to love, selflessly and wholly. I guess in a way that this is an apology letter, and I know I mean it because I'm now crying.

I'm sorry for being so difficult. I'm sorry for struggling with things. I want to start believing you when you comfort me, and I'll honestly try my best. I'm going to do my best to be better for you, to communicate better with you. I'm sorry for lashing out, for acting like a child, for wanting more attention. I'm sorry for all of it, and I promise from the bottom of my heart that I'm going to try and grow and be better alongside you.

But most importantly, continue working on yourself, be as happy as you can be, for yourself and for us. Let's aim for something good, like how we started. I know it's easy to lose hope, but we're us, and we've come this far. You're a fucking firefighter in the airforce, it's badass as hell. You're badass as hell, you can do anything if you put your mind to it. Focus on that, and focus on your passions, but remember to look after yourself along the way. I love you, forever, and I can't wait to see you again. You're the perfect bundle of handsome, intelligent, hot, and cute there is, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Safe travels x