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How the Annie Heffa Messed Up My Day

My writing was put on hold because I single handedly destroyed my laptop with a thermos of coffee.

Now before some of you judge me, I am typically not that clumsy. But since the “annie”, I have been experiencing tremors in my arms. These tremors make it difficult to do things at times.

Like the time my arm flailed and threw a thermos of coffee at my laptop.

So, I never realized how much I liked to write until I couldn’t.

Some of you are looking at me confused. “Why not use a pen and paper,” some of you are saying.

Not to complain or make anyone feel bad, but my handwriting was never particularly good prior to the “annie”, now it is illegible. And the irony is combined with my short term memory issues, if I do write with a pen and paper if I can’t read it, chances are I won’t remember it either.

Me trying to grocery shop is nothing short of comedy

There are a LOT of things I have to just laugh at, or I will cry.

So my son replaced my laptop for me, and I had every intention to do all this writing today.

I wanted to work on my novel.

Write a few blogs and save them as drafts.

But it is the fifth of the month and I had to go pay my rent.

I still can’t drive, so I walked to the rental office.

My brother kd suggested I go for a walk yesterday, and I kind of blew him off because yesterday was a “not so good day” for me.

But I had to take that walk today.

I am real conscious of the weather now as the coils in my brain throb when the barometric pressure drops. So I check the weather everyday more so to confirm the origin of my headache than to actually “check the weather”

I mean, shit, I can’t goanywhere unless someone comes to get me, so usually whoever that is will tell me how to dress.

Anyway, I am going off on a tangent. My bad, it happens.

When I checked the weather, I noticed it was going up to eighty two degrees today and it was going to be humid as hell. So, I decided to take that walk to pay the rent sooner than later.

And I wanted to fucking cry.

Because of my peripheral vision loss, I am skittish when I have to walk anywhere. Combine that with the amplified “background noise” issues, and I feel like I am a cocker spaniel puppy constantly looking around me.

I hate this shit.

Then I keep forgetting (ironically) the part of my brain that was damaged dealt with direction and spatial recognition. So yeah, if I didn’t know how to get somewhere before the “annie” I will not be able to tell you how to get there now.

But I know my own apartment complex right? Surely this can’t be an issue?

Well, it is because remember I drove everywhere before, and would typically drive to the rental office to pay my rent (the complex is HUGE) before going to work, the store, the Laundromat, a poetry venue, the beach, to visit my sister…

None of which I can do by myself anymore.

So since I had to walk back home, guess what happened?

You guessed it; I tried to take a shortcut and got turned around.

Okay, I got lost.

I am trying to laugh about it; but I can’t.

I can hear my good friend Kia now.See this is the type of things you should put on YouTube for your video blog.

Sidebar: She has been trying to convince me to document my experience since the “annie” on video as a testimony of God’s healing and to help other people. She also thinks it would be helpful in getting people interested in my writing.

She is probably right, and I love her for being supportive. But there are several issues with that:

1-Just because I am able to write about it, doesn’t mean I want to talk about it.

2-There are some days I don’t want to talk period let alone talk about my “annie issues” on a daily basis.

3-Days like today I am crying about getting lost in my own complex, and I am an ugly ass cryer. No one wants to see that.

4-Even if I could get over 1-3, yeah I can not figure out how to work my webcam otherwise I would be helping my friend Lisa with her project.

So now, yeah I am exhausted from being upset, my head hurts, so I am not going to do anymore writing, I am going to take a nap,

i love the video blog idea…but i know you have to do and process things at your pace and when and if it’s time to do it…you will. Hate that you got lost and wish I could’ve rode in with my imaginary punch-buggy(candy coated pink)and swooped you to safety and home! I don’t like “annie”. May God’s sweet presence infuse through your pores and you feel Him all around and in you today. love you Lady M!

honestly, I don’t remember having a choice. I remembered the headache. then I vomited and passed out.

When I came to, I was told what happened and what they did.

Ironically, my ex-husband had an aneurysm rupture while he was stationed in Turkey and they clipped him in Germany. (yeah gurl, I have stories) but all that to say he has a huge scar.

So all that to say, when I “woke up” and was told. The first question I was told I asked was “how bad was my scar”. That’s when they told me how they coiled me by going through my femoral artery.(no scar)

I am sure either my mother or sister made the decision on my behalf.

I had two annies one ruptured one didn’t. The coiling appeared to have worked and I have to get the MRIs every six months to a year now.

“If I don’t laugh I’ll cry.” I use this phrase daily. A coworker told me, about an hour ago, “you’re so happy!”. I said I’d wasted way too much time & energy crying & being sad.
I think it’s ok to talk about things going wrong, and feeling down, as long as you continue to emphasize hope.
Clearly, you have tremendous strength. Congratulations to you for living.
Thanks for liking, and please comment, if you feel inclined.
Namaste.