9 Reasons Why Patrick Bateman Would Make A Great Boyfriend

I just finished American Psycho for the second time. It had been almost eight years since I first read it, and I had forgotten just how brilliant it is. I’ve had many friends put it down less than 20 pages into it, or after the first graphic murder scene, and those who have finished it either didn’t “get” it, or just didn’t appreciate it—this makes me sad. In fact, I’ve met only one other person who loves it as much as I do: Jennifer Wright. This is what we call a “great minds” situation.

However, despite the protagonist, Patrick Bateman’s homicidal ways, I firmly believe he has some redeeming qualities. I’d even go so far to say he just might be boyfriend material. Yes, he’s rich and good looking, but everlasting love needs more than a fat wallet and perfect genes. Let me explain.

No one who was created by Bret Easton Ellis would make a good boyfriend, friend, human being, or living creature. The fact that Bret Easton Ellis exists is an affront to humanity. Finally…

ick.

Luis Mercado

What an idiotic sentence.

danica

y’all belong together. it’s so obvious.

l

i’ve dated a sociopath, not a rich/handsome sociopath, but i digress. sociopaths DO NOT make good boyfriends.

andie

another pro of dating bateman, ladies, is that you could totally share the anti agers. and he’s so the type to try to the brand new serums before you do, so you could bum some off of him! score.

Jennifer Wright

Andie, he would chop off your hand before he’d let you share any products. For real. Nice thought, though!

Cate

I have thought all of these things before! I’m so glad that I am not the lone weirdo in the world who sees boyfriend potential in Patrick Bateman.

Venus in Furs

Do I really have to remind you of the scene with the rat? Unfortunately, I just reminded myself of the scene with the rat, and no amount of staring at the tanning bed slide is going to make me forget. Thanks a lot, Amanda.