Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

not invited

i hope i make sense in this one.
my boyfriends cousin is getting married in March. Him and my bf and cousins brothers have been good friends since young kids. they practically grew up together.
well the other day bf got invite to cousins wedding, and i wasnt on it. cousin and his fiancee said that because we have been broken up when they did up guess list that they didnt allow numbers for me to then go. i have to wait for someone to say they cant go before i get invited.
this has really hurt me. i have been through a lot with this family (my bf has bipolar, and 4-5 months ago went manic pretty bad and ended up in hospital, this is why he broke up with me). so it has hurt me. and no one seems to care..
well thats a lie, my best friend does, and she is furious about it, she is also the sister in law to cousin that is getting married.
it made me feel like i am not good enough to go to the family event. that i can just easily be forgotten. i will be telling my bf that if i dont get invited then he isnt going without me. and if he doesnt agree with that then he obviously doesnt give a shit about me or my feelings on the situation.
sorry i just needed to vent....

Is there a chance in Hell that what they are saying is true -- that the arrangements don't allow for the addition of one more guest to be added!!!!!? If it's true, someone is almost sure to decline coming, and then you can go.
As horrible as this is, I think you should think really long and hard before you issue your BF an ultimatum.
I know you are very hurt -- I would be, too -- but I think you should be very gracious and not make an issue out of it.
Forcing your BF to choose between his family and you really isn't fair. They are the ones who took an action that you don't like; not your boyfriend. Why do you want to make him pay for someone else's ignorance (if that's what it is?)
If I were you, I would be happy if my BF called them up and asked if he could bring me and that it was very important to him to have me there. And even to say that unless I could come, then he didn't want to, either, if that's how he thinks he should handle it.
But I wouldn't try to force him to do anything he didn't already feel like doing. This cousin is like a brother to him probably, if they were that close growing up, and even if your BF doesn't like what's going on, he may be of the mind that this is his cousin's wedding and that he can therefore have his day be anyway he wants.
If you hope and plan to make your life with your BF, what you are considering doing will likely make things really crappy for a long, long time, should you become a member of the family. This may not be the best hill to die on.
You might also want to consider the fact that your BF is Bipolar. This situation can be a very minor issue -- you could tell him to go to the wedding and have a good time -- or it can become a major issue with a lot of stress involved, if you try to force him to piss off his whole family and to further suggest that if he minds doing so, it means that he doesn't give a shit about you or your feelings about it.
That's a pretty harsh thing to do to anyone, but know going in that to do so to someone with BP might really be making it a lot tougher than it already is for that person to deal with life.
Good luck!!!!
I can tell that really stung you to be told you can't come, unless someone drops out. I think it's rather odd that they couldn't squeeze one more person in and it may very likely be a personal slight.
But you might want to just suck it up and be the bigger person about all this, if you think about what this might do to your BF, your relationship with him, and what it will mean to the relationship you have with his family, long term.
Good luck!!!! I hope that by the time you see this, that you will have been informed that you are indeed invited to the wedding and then none of this crap will matter!!!!
Take care!!!

There's a good chance you'll get to go. In the meantime, buy yourself a beautiful dress anyway, there's nothing stopping you from going to the actual wedding, it's just the reception where numbers count.

There are usually people that get invited even though the couple know they can't make it-they're really old, live too far away, work, have other plans etc-so I'm sure they'll find a seat for you.

Unfortunately, the wedding is being held in someones private garden, so I cant even go to that really. I would feel rude if I did go when not invited.
I would like to go, but feel like if they invite me now, it like Im second best or they are inviting me because they have too.

I honestly don't see how it would be so hard for them to fit one more person into a wedding or reception. I think they might just be giving you a load. I added in 20 more people extra to my wedding for the &quot;just in case crew&quot; I don't know many people that DON'T do that when setting up their reception. Actually the caterer suggested it. What wasn't used, we just took home with us for left overs.
I would just tell your boyfriend to go. It's just going to hurt your relationship with him if you make him chose. Just have that day as a free day to go shopping, spa, whatever money that you were going to spend on a dress or gift for them on yourself.. It might sound vindictive, but so does what they're doing. With some situations you only get what you give, and they sure wouldn't be getting anything from me.

I was in a very similar situation to this. A girl that i had been friends with for almost 10 years got married and refused to invite me, claiming there were issues with how many people they could invite. I was FURIOUS, and i never spoke to her again. BUT, my situation is different than yours, in a way. I know the hurt and &quot;2nd fiddle-ness&quot; you're feeling, but you can't make your boy choose between you and his family. That is just wrong. What his family did to YOU was wrong, but you need to be the bigger person. What i would do, honestly? I would forget the whole thing. Even if she did invite you, i would politely decline and say &quot;since you did not invite me in the first place, i made plans to see some of my friends. i can't change my plans because a spot opened up, sorry.&quot;
Maybe that seems spiteful...i don't know, that is just what i would do.

I think if he cared about you he would not go. You guys are together now and in this relationship together. That is someones excuse not to invite you cause they may not like you.... When you guys were broke up you never know what he may have said to his family. He probably dogg you and made them feel that way. That is what people do. Also for these guys telling you it not about you they are wrong in a sense. It's all about you you are the women in his bed and that he is sharing his life with right now. His family is full of shit!!! Now you know damn well that if someone cancels they ain't gonna call you and be like OHHHHHH can you come now. They are gonna not even think twice about it. You tell him it ain't right cause it ain't.... I wish my husband would try to leave me behind. OOohhh man!!!

I think it's important to see how relationships can go bad. What makes a relationship become unhealthy? This situation describes how people TEST their relationship. Testing can indicate manipulation, control, codependency, selfishness. I'm not saying that is the situation here because we don't have enough information. It is something that should be considered to keep your relationship healthy.

Yeah that just sucks people never think about how it might be them in that situation next. It just doesn't rang home does it. You go do something nice for your self. I would feel uncomfortable going if invited now also. It's almost like it's to late man to apologize you already hurt my feelings...

I agree with #10.. At this point, even if they DID tell you, &quot;yes, we have an opening and if you want to come you can&quot;.. I'd just say, &quot;Sorry, I've already got plans since you made it pretty clear that I wasn't going to go.&quot;
If you don't make a scene with your man about it, it's also showing who's the bigger person here. Girl.. On that day, go out, get your nails done, hair done. Get a massage and a facial.. Not to sound negative but most weddings end up in divorce anyway.. So just plan on attending their Divorce party about 2-6 years down the lane.. lol

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

All content posted on this site is the responsibility of the party posting such content.
Participation on this site by a party does not imply endorsement of any other party's content,
products, or services. Content should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.