Over the past few posts, you would perhaps have noticed that the theme has generally centered on learning from nature how to grow and evolve. This time we look at how we can dump the past behind and begin anew and the learning comes from the seed; the very heart of all growth. So you have had some bad times, some tough times, you have been pushed into the ground – just like the seed. How did the seed react? It let it come completely undone, allowed its shell to crack and from the ruins of that destruction rose again to flower, grow and bloom.

So what are the lessons for us?

When you have reached the bottom you can only grow up- give yourself a chance. – So as you close the year gone by let your attention be on the gains, the achievements, the opportunities ahead instead of the losses, the failures and regrets. This will give you a goal to focus on, a motivation to plunge ahead and the grit to keep trying till you succeed.

Even when all seems lost – keep faith; have hope. You would definitely have faced some low and despairing times during the year gone by but the reality is that your survived it. Perhaps the dirt through which you had been dragged helped you grow stronger, be more resilient and it was your faith in yourself that gave you the hope to wait patiently till the tide turned an d things improved.

You will grow- just ensure you grow young not old– find a rebirth in your thoughts, attitude, behavior. At some stage the seed would have found an escape when it began to sprout. So the dark and deep abyss in which you find yourself would nourish your whole being provided you do not succumb to fear and negativity. Wait in hope, look forward in anticipation and move ahead with confidence. Align your thoughts attitude and behavior and move grow with self belief and confidence. After all, fortune favors the brave.

Grow strong roots – spread your branches – values and character will enable you to focus on your goals and success- your risk taking ability your daring to chart your own course will enable you to spread your branches. Your upbringing, your schooling, your social circle and those influencing you would play an important role in ensuring you embrace the values and character that will stand you in good stead under all circumstances. Your personal characteristics, your ambition, your hunger for growth and success would determine how wide you spread your branches. Like the tree that offers good shade, good fruits and provides the best timber you too must grow and contribute to the world around.

Nurture yourself – like good soil, quality fertilizer and bright sunshine that sustains the seed, fill yourself with boundless energy, take affirmative action and enjoy the creative manifestations of your efforts. Growth comes from daring to emerge from the cocoon that you have to break free from. Plan, prepare and pursue your growth for that is when one can nurture the self with purpose and passion. The fruits of your labor would be definitely sweet!

Try these:

Write down three quotes / proverbs that you value very much.

What are the 3 values or qualities that you admire most in your role model?

What is your greatest strength and what would you consider your worst weakness?

What is the one criticism that you often seem to hear?

What is the one major achievement you would work towards in the coming year?

The challenge for each of us, is in enjoying our own company. True there would be family, friends, colleagues and strangers around us for large periods of time but definitely not all the time. We also may like some, dislike others, ignore a few, enjoy the company of quite a few and yet the one person we cannot keep at bay is our own self. Therefore it stands to reason that we better make friends with our own self and keep ourselves happy. We need to accept our successes and failures, our joys and sorrows, our pleasure and pain with equanimity so that we remain in perpetual bliss. This can be best achieved by adhering to 3 principles.

Be pleasant – Nothing like starting the day with a smile and smiling as often as possible during the course of the day to feel happy and to remain pleasant. Of course there could be unexpected crisis, some arguments and disagreements, irritation and frustration, raised voices and some sarcastic comments to deal with in everyday life. Yet, once a person has learned to find something pleasant to focus on no matter how grave the situation, that individual would always be comfortable with his/ her own self. By remaining pleasant, one also influences the surroundings and the people just like a flower that emits its fragrance at all times. The bees may take away the nectar, the human race may pluck it, the harsh weather may destroy it but it continues to share its fragrance till it gets destroyed.

Be positive– Hope is the beacon that beckons us to attempt the impossible, dare to be different and persist till we succeed. Hope is nothing but a positive outlook no matter what the situation. The fears may not completely vanish; the pain may not subside easily; there could be tears and confusion but you would always quickly regain your composure and deal with issues with poise, calmness and confidence once you master the art of finding something positive in every moment.

Be peaceful– A good sailor never fears the sea but always respects its power. No matter how rough the sea, how forceful the wind, however terrible the weather, the captain and crew know that they have the power to overcome the adversity. They don’t panic, they act decisively, they take precautions and they prepare for all eventualities. This comes from their training, their preparations and their self belief; all of which are directed towards making them master their emotions and remain calm and peaceful even when they face their greatest challenge. Each of us is the captain our ship and the master of our fate. Let us like a good sailor, imbibe the art of remaining peaceful at all times, so that we can steer our life to all the right ports, through the turbulence and challenges of life.

Try these:

Think of the 3 most stressful moments of your life. What caused it? How did you overcome it? Did you get worked up, annoyed and vent your feelings on others? Were you a victim of someone else’s anger and frustration when they were under tremendous stress?

The beginning of the year is a an excellent time to write a note to one’s own self as a reminder of how one can pace one’s life by following some key tips. The tips are meant to guide, to inspire, to motivate and to energize one to making this year more inspiring, more productive and most importantly, most fulfilling. These tips condense the wisdom of the ages. They are only illustrative but they are enlightening and pragmatic.

Promise to treasure your time. – Life could be unfair to each one of us except for the one factor that beggar and king, poor or rich, intelligent or stupid, we are all given in equal measure TIME. Lack of time therefore can never ever be an excuse for failure. It is waste of time, inefficient use of time and not valuing time which are the real culprits for our non performance or lack of achievement. Let my focus this year be on making the best use of the precious time gifted to me!

Don’t fall in love with potential.– Look deep and you will find that you are blessed with many talents and enormous potential. The trouble is we tend to envy the potential in others that we do not posses. Worse still is the fact that we do not make any serious attempt to either discover our potential or even if know our potential squander it by our lethargic behavior, our indifferent attitude or by simply waiting for the opportune moment. Potential is like a matchstick in a matchbox; available to light things but latent if never used.

You want something doesn’t mean you deserve it – We make numerous excuses for not realizing our goals or utilizing our potential fully. The excuses largely centre around our lament that we didn’t get the right tools or the right opportunity. The reality is that even a person born with a silver spoon has to cope with his/ her limitations, create the opportunities, expend energies and work hard to make their mark in the world. Wanting something desperately is wishful thinking; working on getting it is the first step to realizing ones goals and utilizing one’s potential to the full.

Be patient but don’t procrastinate. – Waiting for the right moment is the bane of productive action. Inertia often masquerades itself as being patient. Instead of seizing the moment, which is the quality of highly successful people, those who procrastinate in the fond hope of getting the right opportunity find themselves either not starting or getting beaten at the post. Never get into a situation where you suffer from an illness called ‘paralysis by analysis’.

Be hopeful but not naive – Hope is good rock to build a foundation on. However, hope should not be used as a crutch to rationalize personal inertia, getting lured into quick rich schemes, getting duped into by glib talkers and not being decisive enough and cutting losses. When you are naïve, your belief is shallow, your confidence wavering, your dependence on others overwhelming and your judgment very faulty. When you have hope you seek a way out, you create the opportunity and you prepare yourself to grasp the chance for you are sure it is coming sooner than later.

When it is right you will know it. – When in a dilemma making a choice is tough. Yet if you are brought up with the right values, cherish the principles of being an upright person and let your conscience be your guide your choices will never go wrong. You will never feel guilty, you would be emboldened to act decisively and the consequences of your action will never give you sleepless nights. A clear conscience is the best pillow.

You don’t have to force it. – If you are denied something, perhaps it is for the best. If you are bestowed with an unexpected blessing, perhaps you richly deserved it. Whatever the gift, whatever the outcome, whatever be your feelings see it as befitting the moment. It is when we become rigid in our expectations that we try to influence the outcome and then get disturbed when the outcomes belie our expectations. Strive to improve your future but don’t try to shape the future by force.

Try this:

Your friends force you to go with them for a trek. You go very reluctantly since you are not feeling too well and also because you do not like treks. Half way to the trek you twist your ankle. The pain is intense and you are annoyed and frustrated. The majority of your friends ask you sit there while they complete the climb. Two members of the group stay with you while the rest continue the trek. What will you be discussing with those waiting with you.

List out the following

Your favorite quote or proverb

Your favorite book

Your favorite movie

Your favorite personality from history

Is there a common thread that binds the above choices? Can you identify that thread?

Unhappy, disillusioned, confused, hurt, resentful, angry, listless, tired, ignored, unlucky;. Do you experience these emotions / feelings off and on? Do you feel like the only person facing these problems? The reality is that almost every one experiences these intermittently. However, the problem arises when we frequently experience negative emotions, find it difficult to ignore these emotions and worst of all succumb to the pressures of these emotions. Most of these emotions are temporary, largely fleeting and often a byproduct of wild negative thinking. However, it is important that we do go through the feeling of not feeling okay; of being uncomfortable, disturbed and pained. When we experience a situation that disturbs our peace of mind it is essential that we accept it as a painful reality. What is not acceptable is denying it, questioning it, constantly whining over it and making it control our life. When one can make peace with the painful reality, one can appreciate the fact that such not okay feelings actually accentuate the value of the positive emotions and feelings that we are blessed with.

The challenge is to experience being not okay and managing to get back to the okay state. It is like knowing how much one can stretch a rubber band. Stretch it beyond a point and it will snap. Like that broken rubber band, if one lets the not okay feeling to overpower one’s emotions, one becomes irrational, broken in spirit and body and then surrender to mediocrity, mere sustenance and survival. Being not okay implies that we are made aware of our imperfections and limitations. It also keeps us grounded to the reality that not all our efforts can give us the fruits we desire. It also spurs us to make adjustments, re-evaluate our original plans and make a fresh start. However, the danger is that when we are not okay, at times we get demoralized, disheartened and dispirited. There is then a possibility of us giving up and not making any effort to get back on track. History teaches us that even the most successful people have always encountered challenges and it is their self belief and determination that have made them rise up again and climb the pedestal of success.

Here are 6 guiding principles to navigate the not okay state and come back to the okay state.

The past cannot be changed but the lessons it provides are to be learnt well.

The future exists for us to utilize it wisely without having the hangover of the past.

The present is where life happens and we better not waste it brooding over the past or ring fencing the future.

Learn to appreciate and value the good in every adverse situation.

Be prepared to face the unexpected no matter how well you have planned for the future.

Today offers you 24 hours to utilize all the lessons learned, to attain your goals; don’t squander it away.

Try these:

Suppose you were mistakenly locked up in prison for a crime you didn’t commit but there is no possibility of immediate release and a long term prison term of 5 years at least what would you do ?

You have committed a terrible mistake which you managed to cover up well. However an innocent member of your team was blamed and he/ she was sacked unceremoniously. You have always regretted your silence in the matter. 6years later you come face to face with the unfortunate victim of your misdeed. What would you do?

Can you recall 3 incidences / episodes / happenings / events in your life that really disturbed you when experienced it. How did you cope with each such situation? Do those events still play on your mind?

Self-affirmation is one of the most well know techniques suggested for people to chase their dreams, work towards their aspirations and embrace success. The key to self-affirmation is positive inputs being constantly imbibed. Positive inputs can be imbibed only when one constantly focuses on all the immense possibilities that are around us, when we are aware of our varied personal strengths and visualize the happiness and success that we aspire for. Today’s post is an excellent way to harness the power of self-affirmation and succeed beyond our wildest dreams.

To help you get going here are some positive words, adjectives, statements that can stimulate your thoughts and enable you to harness the opportunities that abound when you fill in the blanks after the words I am…

Unique – Yes each of us has an identity as unique as our fingerprint. This is a key strength that differentiates us from those around including our peers, family members and competitors. Be aware of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual uniqueness. Recognize your unique strengths be it your values, attitude, spirit, courage, thinking, creativity etc.

Just me – this sounds philosophical but in reality is just a way of saying ‘ I am also aware of my limitations but I accept it’. No one is perfect and that means I too need to be identify my personal limitations and work around them. I will not be apologetic about my limitations nor would I be ashamed of it; in fact once I get to know my limitations I would be empowered to shield myself from those self-limiting flaws.

Focused on my goals – the goal gives me a sense of direction and a purpose to strive for. The focus will be sharper as the goal gets crystalized. The next time you go bird watching or go on a wild life safari, notice how you fiddle with the binoculars till you get the focus right on the object that you want a clearer view off. So get a clear idea of your goal and you will map your blue print of how to attain the goal with ease. Traversing the path to the goal will be much smoother too.

Going to succeed – Be it Marco Polo or Christopher Columbus or Vasco da Gama each of them left their shores with the single minded purpose of discovering yonder shores. Their ships were rudimentary, their crew in all probability a wild bunch on an adventure and the dangers of nature’s fury alarming; yet they left in hope, had faith in themselves and were determined to succeed. They may have failed in their original mission but they certainly didn’t fail themselves!

So isn’t it time you decided to fill in the blanks after the words I am _ _ _ _

Identify 5 personal weakness by filling in the blanks with negative adjectives/ words/ sentences after the words I am. E.g.I am lazy / I am not keen on a 9-5 job / I am short tempered). Now work out a plan of action to overcome these weakness.

Identify a role model amongst

Your family members

Your friends

Your classmates

Your colleagues

Your superiors (including teachers)

A personality from history whom you admire

Now enumerate 5 qualities that endear them to you and 2 weakness that you notice/ are aware of that these role models had.

The toughest part of life is taking decisions. Unfortunately all our life we will be constantly facing this dilemma because almost all the time we are blessed with choices and we have to decide what to choose. Remember the battle with the alarm every morning when it is time to wake up? Confused about what to have for breakfast / what to wear etc.? On hindsight, each one of them is a minor decision as compared to the major decisions you have to make regarding your career, your future, your savings, your life partner etc. Yet there is one decision that you need to make that would determine how you are perceived by the world at large and one that will decide your fundamental happiness; the decision to be yourself.

Being yourself seems to be the easiest thing to do but in reality it is very tough because

You seek acceptance of all what you do or say

You would ideally like to project a picture perfect picture of yourself

You would like to have an impact or influence on the people and the world around.

However it is possible to find greater acceptance of the person you are, project yourself in more favorable light and leave your footprints on the sands of time. What you need to do is groom yourself right, develop the right social skills and values systems, iron out your weaknesses and then when you project yourself it is a well rounded personality that comes to the fore.

Here are a couple of things that one must focus upon so as to comfortably be yourself and find acceptance by many and also touch many lives.

1. Cultivate good manners

2. Enhance your vocabulary and communication skills

3. Be truthful

4. Groom yourself well / dress appropriately

5. Learn to appreciate and compliment

6. Develop empathy

7. Control your temper

8. Keep calm no matter what the crisis

9. Be respectful no matter what the provocation

10. SMILE

Try this:

How would you want people to describe you after they have frequently interacted with you?

Name three people other than your family members who have had a profound impact on you?

If you were to be marooned on an island which person personally known to you would you prefer to be your companion on that island.

What is the one most endearing quality you seek in a person who you consider your friend.

If in a sudden crisis who is the person you would reach out to first ?

Your best friend is in serious trouble with the law. You are aware that he is guilty. How and what and when would you communicate with him/ her?

Are there times when you felt life is unfair? Ever felt that you cannot cope any more with life? Perhaps the anger, frustration, pain and problems have at times made you question yourself if it is worth living. As of now you are reading this because you did not succumb to the pressures that could have occasionally threatened, weakened and demoralized you. Perhaps the pressures enabled you to discover your own ability to cope with the vagaries of life, made you aware of the tough and steely self belief you have and helped you find latent strengths and talents that came to the fore.

To discover yourself better think back and analyze how you responded to a vulnerable situation, understand how you coped with temptations, how you chose between alternatives, the manner in which you respond to crisis and your reactions when you are unfairly given a raw deal. This is when you discover your real strength; that comes from your core beliefs, your value system, your character and your all round personality.

Your response to a vulnerable situation. Look back at your school days. Remember the time when either you were singled out by the teacher for some aberration committed by someone sitting near you. The teacher is unable to identify the culprit but have zoomed in on you and either accuse you or threaten you to identify the culprit. Your response should give you an idea of how and what shaped your response. Would you have responded differently today given the same circumstances?

Coping with temptationsYou are attending a seminar. After the break you discover that your folder and handouts are missing. It is difficult to identify who has either pinched it or mistakenly taken it. You are annoyed, irritated and a wee bit frantic. After lunch you notice another folder lying around. You are tempted to stake claim to it though you know it is not yours since the color of the folder is different but rationalize that the owner of this folder may have mistakenly taken your folder. Your response should give you an idea of how and what shaped your response. Would you have responded differently today given the same circumstances?

Choosing between alternatives Midway through an exam you are appearing for, you realize that the person sitting behind you is frantically trying to catch your attention and suggesting that you allow him/ her to copy from you answer sheet. Your response should give you an idea of how and what shaped your response. Would you have responded differently today given the same circumstances?

Response to crisis. You are at the airport on your way to attend a cousins wedding. It is peak season and you have booked your seats months ahead. At the check in counter you notice a commotion. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you try to find out the reason for the commotion. You find a frantic individual begging for a ticket to attend his father’s funeral rites. Your response should give you an idea of how and what shaped your response. Would you have responded differently today given the same circumstances?

Reaction when given a raw deal. During the course of the year on more than one occasion your bosses have complimented you on some exceptional performance. You are shocked when at the annual appraisal team you are given an excellent rating but not the promotion you were expecting. Worse still you find out soon after that a colleague who has also done some competent work has been given the promotion since he / she had indicated to management that they could quit if the promotion was not coming their way. Your response should give you an idea of how and what shaped your response. Would you have responded differently today given the same circumstances?

There is no crystal clear right or wrong answers to most of the circumstances/ situations described above. They are merely indicative of the type of real life situations that would force you to exercise your discretion and possibly realize your own inner strength. There is much more of you waiting to be discovered by you… challenges, difficulties and hurt are hurdles that help you discover the real you.

Try this:

Each of us have noble intentions but when it comes to putting it into practice we painfully discover we are weak, indecisive and easily give up. The challenge for therefore is to focus on some noble personal intentions to be put into practice.

Try to enhance savings by 10 % each year. If you get an unexpected bonus and during the annual increments add an additional 10% of the bonus / increment to the savings.

Identify a charity or social cause and devote at least 5 hours a month to that cause. Increase your involvement 6 months after you put your intention into practice.

Find a environment friendly activity to promote personally as well as in your residential area and work place. Target to get 1 person involved in this activity every quarter.

Identify 3 passions you would love to indulge in but cannot do so right now because of financial / personal/ social circumstances. Your challenge is to put a time frame in which to achieve each and write down a time bound plan of action to achieve it. By 1st Jan 2014 this should form part of your active efforts to achieve your dream.