Friday, February 26, 2010

So off the bat, let me state immediately I am on Hydrocodone, aka Vicodin. I have realized that to call me fat is an understatement I am a whale. I am large enough to take out a trainer at Sea World (too soon for killer whale jokes?). So I have returned to my old school hard core gym routine. Only one major problem, I eased into the routine that allowed me to lose 40lbs in 6 months (I should have taken before and after shots, but I never really thought I looked much different so why bother) well I have been off that routine for AGES and did not take that into account and started hitting the gym hard this week...well the damn gym hit back even harder. My back is now so sore, that I am considering asking my ex for a massage even though we are on non-speaking terms right now...yup it is that bad - the back not the relationship.

I am a lot stronger than I look in some areas. My back muscles are really well developed you just cannot see them because I carry a layer of fat that would keep a bear warm for the winter, and my legs are strong enough to lift a car off of me in an emergency...my chest is so weak that I am embarrassed to bench if a even semi-fit looking woman is nearby for fear that I will get out-lifted, yes its sexist but it is practical, no guy wants to be out-lifted plus it will just cause harm to me, she out-lifts me, then I lift more trying to catch her up and I pass my limit and get injured just because I did not want to be out-lifted!!! Anyway, that is not what happened to me, I just lifted too much too quickly on my back exercises basically thinking it was still a year ago and that I could lift anything. Before I got semi-married I was able to max out a few of the back machines at the gym. This last time, I was struggling to get past the half-way mark on those same bloody machines.

So now I am lying here (what you thought I was sitting up?) typing a blog and watching The Hangover (why waste a potential vike buzz) with ice on my knee and thoughts running through my head like...Why did I ride 15 miles on the bicycle today, knowing that I had a bad back...why the hell is that chick not responding to phone calls (just damn rude)...why seriously did it take me so long to ride 15 miles when I used to do that ride in 35 minutes (I cannot say how long it took now I might just cry)...

I put on a shirt I used to wear a year ago, it was like "Fat guy in a little coat" the sucker clung to me like it was spandex and not in a good way like, "Wow my muscle tee is tight my arms are popping out of here and my chest is swollen" no in my case it was "Wow my muscle tee is tight my arms are popping out of here and my gut is so swollen this shirt may actually split at the seams."

So part of why I have become so damn fat is because I have been experimenting and making great food constantly. For instance I made an orange-bbq sauce for some grilled pork chops and it was fantastic. We have a tonne of fruit at the house and my bro told me to use it up so I decided why not just squeeze some fresh oranges, and a lemon and make an orange sauce and damn it the thing was bloody good, I immediately ate 2 of the pork chops, I think it is now time for me to make crappier food, because honestly I am eating too much of it. Right now I am seriously thinking of making a cake while watching the damn movie, and I am pretty sure that if my back was not hurting so much I probably would despite the fact that I am at the house by myself and I would be the only one to eat it, since I am not sure when next I am seeing anyone else.

Damn the Tiger scene in the Hangover kills me, maybe this movie is not safe to watch with a bad back. Damn this movie is fantastic. An aside I think Tropic Thunder is way better than Forgetting Sarah Marshall but the ex-missus thinks I am crazy, then took a cheap shot stating "you do not know what is funny" why do girls do that? They take shots at us, that we would never do to them. For instance I would never say to her, "the shows you watch suck so bad that I want to eat a bullet oh and your friends are so ugly you do not have to ever worry about me sleeping with any of them!"

Ah, the back is starting to loosen up, maybe I can hit the gym tomorrow and get a leg work out in!

Finally, it is never good when you are watching a raunchy comedy and you are looking at things and saying..."wow I remember doing that" if you have seen the pictures at the end of 'The Hangover' you will know why I might think this is a bad feeling to have.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

"You, you got what I need but you say he's just a friendAnd you say he's just a friend, oh baby"

We all sing along to it, we all chant it, we all love it. But damn it sucks when you think it fits your situation. I have a friend who is in a bad situation, he has a girl, he likes the girl, they seem good to the outside world, she seems to miss him when he is gone BUT, she has a friend who keeps calling/texting and basically creeping.

Now I do not know what to tell him. Violence is not supposed to be the answer but I am almost inclined to tell my friend to smack around the guy that is supposed to be 'just a friend'. Whenever my friend leaves his girl for even a few days, she has dinner with the other guy. He hit on her once he found out she was dating my friend (she shot him down), but it gets better: he hit on her WHILE trying to get with her best friend. It seems wrong, like me my friend is not the jealous type, but I suspect that maybe we are too lackadaisical when it comes to relationships. In fact, maybe my boy's girl should no longer be friends with the sleazy guy. And yup I dub him sleazy, looking back at all the things he has done, I feel slimy just typing about him so I cannot imagine meeting him in person.

But, I could be wrong, maybe all of my suspicions are because I am only hearing my friend's side of the story...maybe! However, I do think that if a girl were hearing about a girl doing all these things to her boyfriend there would be HELL to pay!

I at least hope he got some good pictures out of it...that's right, pictures!!!

About Me

Cali-J ueber alles in der Welt.
Some think that I am mean; (I call them friends), in fact I am not that mean. What I am is sarcastic and dry to the sandpaper level. I have friends that I have never said a kind word to their face, but I praise to the ends of the earth to anyone I know and will defend them to the end. That’s just how I roll! My boys know that I am down for them, my girls know that no matter what I will keep them safe (and occasionally flirt with them [If you are a female friend of mine and think I haven’t flirted with you it just means you didn’t notice, it was extremely subtle or…not yet ]). No one is safe from my sarcasm even my own parents; hence of course as a kid I spent a significant amount of time in punishment. I treat people with respect if I think they deserve it – everyone starts off with the same amount of respect from me (a lot). You don’t need to earn my respect; you have to keep my respect.