Everyone keeps saying how Obama is smarter than Bush, but you can’t convince me.

Now the Teleprompter Kid is saying we’ve got zombies in the military! I’ve heard of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” but this is more like “Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t eat another guy’s brains”!

The other day at that Prayer Breakfast, Obama kept talking about Army “corpsmen,” except he kept calling them “corpse-men.”

That’s how he let is slip that the United States of America has a secret zombie army!

Now it can be told: a rogue CIA splinter group built up a crack unit of undead soldiers to keep order when we all finally revolt against the Communist in Chief.

That George Romero movie guy always said his “Night of the Living Dead” picture was really about how much he hated the Vietnam War. So that’s how they got him to work on this whole project, being a traitor and all.

Yeah, Romero says all the zombies in that picture were locals from Pittsburgh, but anybody’s who’s been to Pittsburgh and lived to tell the tale knows the locals are way less lively than that!

Why do you think we’re hearing all this stuff about Haiti lately? They use voodoo to raise the dead, right? So that “earthquake” was really the CIA setting off explosions to trigger the zombie uprising.

So when you hear about how many dead people there are in Haiti, stop and ask yourself: how long until some witch doctor brings ‘em back to life?

Ha! Let’s see Pat Robertson pull THAT off!

Now I gotta go stock up on wooden stakes and silver bullets and all that other crap!