Big choices. Small choices. And many seemingly “insignificant” choices. As you know, every decision we make helps shape our reality. Compounded over a lifetime, those decisions create our ultimate destiny.

So what’s the key to being a great decision maker? What’s the “secret” to always knowing the best thing to do? Well, I can tell you one thing not to do.

That’s let everyone else decide for you.

Whether you’re addicted to the opinions of family, friends or even social norms, one of the key components to create a business and life you love is learning to take full responsibility for your decisions.

If you’re insecure about your own decision making ability and find yourself constantly asking friends or family, “What do you think I should do?”, this episode is for you. You’ll learn three steps to become a powerful solo decision maker.

Because no matter what you’re creating in your life at the moment — the decisions you make on a daily basis really do matter.

Often, it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.

Curious, do you feel you’re a strong solo decision maker or have learned to become one? Any insight from your own growth process that you can share?

And, which step from today’s episode will help you further strengthen your ability to make better decisions?

Please leave as much detail as you can in the comments below. Tens of thousands of beautiful souls come here each week for insight and inspiration. Your share may be exactly what someone else needs to have a huge breakthrough.

Important: please share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. may be deleted as they can come across as spammy.

Thank you so much for reading, watching and contributing to the conversation. You make Tuesday one of my favorite days of the week.

277 comments

Agree, great question! It’s a shift from when you work for someone else and all the decisions come from “on high” to you being the one who runs stuff. And it is so easy to get pulled into all the hype and ideas.

My suggestion? Find a couple people who’s ideas/style resonate with you, listen to them and then go your own way.

Agree with Marie – TRUST YOURSELF! Most of those decisions are not life-changing, so just keep flexing that decision muscle and you’ll get better and better.

I totally get this, not necessarily for personal decisions, like whether or not I should drink soy milk, but for business decisions – should I join this group or not, is my optin interesting enough, does my website reflect who I am, etc.

I’ve had to learn to really trust my own instincts on which direction to take – I mean the intuitive thing is what I do so I should be able to trust it, right?

I also see the importance of differentiating between advice and feedback. Asking advice to make decisions, even big business ones, can sometimes leave us conflicted and confused but making the decision then asking for feedback on how others see it working is a way to grow through those decisions. And most decisions can be changed if things don’t work out anyway, so I say jump in and do it then learn from experience.

A piece of Tara Mohr’s incredible book “Playing Big” speaks to this feedback seeking. She recommends that we find different feedback sources for the different aspects of our lives.

The amazing light-bulb moment for me was when she said that your competitors, or anyone for that matter, besides your target audience does not have to approve of your business decisions. The only people who you have to impress are the people whose lives you are aiming to impact. If your father didn’t care for your women’s clothing-line, you probably would think nothing of it. The same goes for people who do not have what you want, and who you are not looking to specifically provide a service or product for. If the target client for your business is spiritually-minded women in their 20s, feedback from your mentor in his 60s could be misleading and irrelevant.

Tara says much, much more on the topic of decision making in her book and I HIGHLY recommend it.

Marie, you’re the best! I just wanted to thank you for all that you do. I love dialing 888 & will defenately sing your song througout the day 😀 humor makes the best effect. You are awesome and your team is great!

I absolutely LOVED and so desperately needed this message of making my own decisions today. I am getting ready to take a big financial leap and from the beginning I was certain I wanted this and that my business needed it. However, I held off for weeks asking everyone and their mom their opinion and it made me feel no better. Thank you for this and I am making my own decision!

Many time before I make decision on other opinion, my hurt that is I need take responds for my really life. Things we need consider that is what we really want to belong with, does this can make we happy. I mean we must be careful.

I have the opposite problem. I rarely ask for other people’s input about…well, anything. One of my good friends used to call me & my ventures “cat-sh*t productions” because he said he’d never witnessed a cat sh*t. lol

There has to be a balance so I am getting better at asking for help or input when it’s really needed. I am a firm believer in inner guidance and my intuitive sense is growing.

I think we ask for advice when we’re concerned we’ll make a misstep and have to apologize/pay for it later. I now say that soul-guided decisions don’t require apologies or explanations. It keeps me on track to doing what I feel is soulfully right.

I’m with you, Emelia; my bigger problem is not knowing when to ask for advice. I’m either worried that people will think my ideas suck or I’m just so excited to move forward that I am notorious for not making good (*ahem* any) use of my network.

As an example, I actually applied for a promotion without talking to my boss first. I knew he would be supportive so I didn’t think it mattered, it never occurred to me that he might have insights to help me get the job.

Marie, you’re right: make your own decisions BUT I have got to remember to connect with my network because sometimes they can help move that decision forward.

We only focus on effective of work, if we confident about it do it, if have something we don’t really understand can ask or require for help. At all that give our experience then will be better by practice this skill.

“Soul-guided decisions don’t require apologies or explanations” — I love that, Emelia! People can make you feel bad about your decision because it’s so easy to judge and, of course, hindsight is 20/20. However, when you know that you made the right decision for you at the time, with what knowledge you had, that’s all that needed to stand up to the ‘know-it-all’s’. And, at least you made a decision and acted on it instead of doing nothing!

I also think if people spend time and efforts to look around what are happening about things and people then they will have most important information that make good decision. And people can get feedback by require other people give advice or information also help. People should to do all things they can to get best results.

I think some people are so afraid of epic failure that in many ways they don’t want to make their own decisions and then have to claim responsibility for it. I’ve done this in the past when it came to things like my finances. It felt easier to just let someone else call the shots (and when they made some really bad money moves, I could then conveniently blame them…). I was simply trapped by my (very unrealistic) fears.

I learned to start making — and standing by — my own decisions once I intentionally thought through the “worst case scenario” and realized that logically, my worst nightmares were NOT going to come true.

Yes, some things might not be as successful as I wanted, it may be a bit uncomfortable or embarrassing for a little bit…but in the end, who cares?! It’s seriously never, ever as bad as we make it out to be in the closet of our minds. Trust that and move forward.

Erika Madden, even it is bad we still should make it of own ourselves. We have chance to be better, great lesson come from experience. If when we still don’t feel comfortable with this lesson we still can’t learn this lesson. This is necessary. But if we don’t try to make it of own ourselves, we never be better, don’t allow this hold our life.

BOY do I wish I had been brave enough and aware enough to have asked Poonam’s Q two years ago! I used to ALWAYS have my clipboard out for survey purposes.

It wasn’t until I started getting unsolicited advice on the direction I wanted to take my business from other professionals in my field that I made a change.

The lightbulb moment for me that helped me start listening to my gut came when I was at a networking event. I met a personal trainer/group ex instructor turned business coach who told me my idea of offering online fitness classes and sessions was beyond ridiculous! She’d NEVER use something like that! She laughed at me and continued to talk down my idea, despite the fact that other women in the group were super excited about it (not sure how her biz coaching biz is going, but yikes!).

And I would have felt bad if I was still in survey mode, but luckily I already had awesome clients who WERE Skyping me for fitness and loving it, because they were my ideal clients.

She’s right, online fitness sessions aren’t the best fit for someone who wants a super intense workout at the gym and needs a squat rack to feel accomplished. However, they are perfect for my beginning exercisers who are afraid to even step foot in a gym. If I had heard her comment when I was in survey mode, I wouldn’t be enjoying hanging with clients in Denmark, Japan, Australia, and more via Skype. I wouldn’t have attended some of my virtual clients’ weddings in person (!!!!), I wouldn’t now be working with my clients friends and family, either.

SO important to just go for what you feel is right and to work to serve the people you know in your heart you can serve, versus being a slave to the survey. One of the biggest lessons I had to learn in my business and so glad I did. Thanks for sharing, Marie!

Poonam, I can’t wait to see what awesome business ideas you come up with when you go after them from your heart 🙂

Catherine, SO glad you stuck with what you knew was right for your business and your clients. It sounds like things are freakin’ awesome for you because you followed your instinct and knew you could help a certain type of individual with your work. Bravo!

Thanks, Kristin! It’s great to be able to share and look back at how far I’ve come. I hope my comment can inspire others who might be on the fence to fight through the noise, listen to their intuition, and share their gifts with the people who need them most 🙂

I agree we should decide to do things that we feel right at first, that is our responsibility, even if wrong we still on our journey become better and grow by change and it really is our experience. People only learn and grow by their experience.

#3 is the best tip of all, and really drives the other two points. When you’re in Divine Alignment, it’s easier to make decisions. You’ve got to practice, though.

The other thing that helps me is to have a compass. In business and life, I have a set of priorities that I lay out at the beginning of the year. Then, when things come up that require a decision, I look to my compass to see which decisions will keep me moving in the direction I want to go.﻿

I also want add more, before decide something, we must serious think about how it important afford our life, if that work really important even it need we to do something that not comfortable we still should do it. That will be good decision and that is good opportunity and time for our grow and better.

I have a trick that always works for me. When I have an important decision to make I simply flip a coin to decide! Once the decision is made I will get a gut reaction of excitement or disappointment, and that reaction tells me what I really need to do.

This is a genius idea, Nicole! I will use this tool, too. It makes me think of that feeling when I make a hurried meal choice at a restaurant and as soon as the waiter walks away my gut tells me whether or not it I made the right, “feel good” decision.

For me, one thing that helped me exercise my decision-making muscles was to actually make fewer decisions. I used to often feel like I was experiencing decision-making burnout, having to make so many throughout the day. Now, I’ve stream-lined my routines and habits to the point where I don’t have to decide what I’m having for breakfast – on Mondays it’s oatmeal and on Tuesdays it’s a smoothie. I don’t have to decide what I do when I wake up in the mornings, or when I sit down at my desk. Putting as many of these little decisions on auto-pilot gives me the energy I need to focus on the big decisions, and leaves me space to tap into my intuition.

Stephanie, this is so smart. Imagine all the energy you save not making all those small decisions every single day. Having certain things on autopilot is genius. Thanks for sharing; I’m sure this tip will help others too!

There are many things afford to our decision, some of them are our habit, discipline and our purpose. I take exercise such as play volleyball and run because I want to be health and funny with other people. That also make by my habit one day spend time to relax and move my body, each day I practice my discipline include my job is exercise.

Wendy, I’ve found that The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg is an amazing resource. It changed the way I looked at my every day. Another good book is The Power of Engagement by Jim Loehr and Tony Shwartz.

Interesting observation Stephanie. I realised while reading this that I do the same, and naturally gravitate to this. When I reflected on the origin of this it was something I learned in a very difficult time of my life. I suffered with Clinical Depression for 15 years it is difficult to explain but in a nutshell it is like being a Ghost trapped in Interrogation Room on your own. You feel like you have no control, you are also aware that your perception is completely distorted so you don’t trust the information coming from outside, nor do you trust yourself. To cope I lived a highly structured, disciplined, ordered and neat Life with no surprises. Then I learned through a very great man Victor Emil Frankl in his book “Mans Search for Meaning” that the only thing another man can NOT take from you is “Your Freedom of Choice”. You always have a choice, even the not choosing is a choice. I realised at the moment I had been fighting to make the wrong choices, the choices that really don’t matter, the once due to my circumstances I was powerless to make. But I had choices, I could choose how I let my circumstances define me on a daily basis (It had to be daily because I could not deal with the future). I realised that it was not the choice that mattered but our ownership of them, how we let those choices define us. See even an apparent bad choice can be a good choice if made for the right reason and if we let it define us in a positive way. The only bad choice is to let someone else choose for you, because then you are really not living, but being lived (a Ghost) and I know what that feels like. If you want to take ownership of your life, you need to take ownership of YOUR decisions and let them define you. If you need help with this I recommend Reading ‘Mans Search for Meaning’, ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ (specifically Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind) and ‘How to Develop your Personal Mission Statement’ the last 2 books have been developed on the principles of the first book and give practical guidance on how to take back the ownership of your Choices. I sincerely hope this helps someone as the lessons I learned were extremely painful but well worth it.

So beautiful, Mieke. It sounds like you’ve been through so much, and come through with so much courage and heart. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences here – it could be just what someone needs to hear.

Good Morning Darling!
I am currently working at a job that I have absolutely no passion for. I feel my soul dying everyday and find that I have a lot of self-hatred towards myself because I am choosing to participate in this job. I understand it is a choice on my part and that I am the only one who has control over that. I need money as everyone else does. I have a passion for health and nutrition however because I am working at this job, I find at the end of the day I am sooo drained that I don’t even have the energy to create healthy meals for myself or even have the energy to think about what path I want to take. Do you have any suggestions or advice for this?

Jaclyn, thank you for sharing your story — you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way! I think the most important thing is to cultivate a sense of compassion for yourself. You deserve the same love and gentleness you’d extend to a friend, so don’t beat yourself up too much for being drained and working a job that you don’t love right now. You’re doing your best.

You are not alone, you same with me. It not bad because it help you some money to secure yourself and your family. But you also have choice to do things you love in part time and free time. When something work, you can invest more or all focus for it. That mean you know really your situation and it also challenge you to become stronger, manage time better, work effective more. I think you should choose for both and live happy and with fulfilling mean now.

Hi Jaclyn,
I warmly recommend that before you go after you passion you first quit all the wining and complaining about your current job and just do it. It drains your from energy.
No job is that horrible and punishing yourself by self hatred will not create motivation.
Be sure that if you won’t change your attitude first, you will carry it into your new career and it will fail to make you happy.

Last year a good friend introduced me to Decision Fatigue, saying hey, it’s a real thing! I plunged into researching this new diagnosis for my problem. After all it was a “real thing” not just me.

What I learned is decision fatigue was coming from exactly as you stated Marie, relying on others to make them for me. Collecting data and opinions, wanting the answers to magically appear. I’ll also add, not trusting their decisions either! The key was to throw out the clipboard and trust myself.

Trusting me was the cure for my decision fatigue affliction. Lone behold, I started making decisions rather than obsessing and stewing in them.

Hey Jody! Great insight. That fatigue also comes from making too many small decisions each day like when to get up, what to work on 1st, 2nd, 3rd, what to eat, to work out or not, meditate or not, etc. That’s why I’m a big fan of core daily habits. It frees up bandwidth for the big, important stuff.

So so true! We don’t think about how many decisions are in our day from the moment we wake up. I have a few core habits that have widdled this down, but now I want to rethink adding to that and still allowing flexibility or room for spontaneity. Thanks Jody and Marie!

Great question – made me analyze how I make decisions because my husband often accuses me of not being able to make choices.

I make my own decisions but I am sloooooow – especially if a purchase is involved and there’s a risk that I’ll be disappointed. I’ve started studying menus online before going to a restaurant so I know what I want and don’t hold everyone up or when that’s not possible, I tell myself to just pick something, it’s not my last meal.

I like to gather a lot of information (not opinions from other people but facts and research) and then make informed, thoughtful decisions. Grocery shopping takes forever if I have to choose a new item because I have to read all the labels and weigh the differences between ingredients, source, costs, etc. 🙂 On the other hand, I can get dressed in a flash because I keep my choices to a minimum.

For important, life-changing decisions, the “thinking” part of it is all about listening to my intuition. I pose the question to myself and consider various outcomes and then meditate, launch the question to my inner guide and wait for the answer, which sometimes takes a bit to arrive but when it does, it’s loud and clear as long as I’m open to it. Now and then, there are instant intuitions and with practice, I’ve learned to recognize and listen to those.

Barbara I sooo understand you! Though I rarely check menus before going to restaurant, but then I’m sitting there and choosing for so long that my husband always laughs from me 🙂 The same goes with shopping for food- every new label has to be read before buying, luckily I know my go-to options and then buy what I need quickly.

And with more serious decisions than choosing your dinner I usually take lots of time- to gather information, to journal, think and feel through. What I notice is that deep there you always know if something is not right for you, it just doesn’t feel good and in those times when I did it anyway it was a mistake, or to be more precise a not so pleasant lesson 😉 It takes some courage to do what you feel is right, because sometimes it’s not the most logical decision, but listening to your intuition can do wonders to your life!

Lina, glad to know I’m not alone – ha ha! I too have my go-to grocery items. And I’ve made those mistakes that can only be accepted as lessons – they become fewer as I get older, guess I’ve learned something.

The menus, the grocery shopping – I do it all! Glad to know I’m not alone 🙂 I’m pretty bad at listening to my intuition too, but I’m working on that. All these suggestions on listening to it really help!

I’m learning from a good friend who knows her own mind without bragging about it. She is solid and does not waver. She asks for advice about territory she’s never trodden but will always go her own decided way.
Recently my husband and I had a huge decision to make. It involved where to live, that kind of heart decision. In the end, we waited until our heads were listening to our hearts. We had to know it felt right AND it made perfect sense to STAY WHERE WE ARE! For now . . .

Biggest lesson from purchase something I have learn that is always choose best thing as you can to buy. You will never regret for that decision, it also help you make decision very fast only with consider does this need for me or not. I say again if it really need for me, I will choose the best of it to buy as I can.

This was weirdly perfect timing for me as I’m trying to make some pretty major life decisions. I thought all this advice was helpful! Here are a couple more things that help me.

1. Stay calm! I cannot make a decision if I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off thinking ‘OMG I HAVE TO MAKE THIS DECISION NOW WHAT SHOULD I DOOOO!’ I’ve been reminding myself to breathe, meditate, walk and do anything to calm down.

2. Remember that I cannot make a wrong decision. No matter what I decide…I have to have faith that I will learn from my decision and it will take me on a journey. There’s no such thing as a ‘wrong’ decision.

I really liked today’s training video on decision making. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that decision making is vital for running business. I recently made an entrepreneurship record by reaching the famous level of 1K Facebook Likes within 3 months for my Site after launching Facebook Services. I also made to the semi-finals (Top 100 Entrepreneurs) in IIT Kharagpur Empresario Program in 2014 – 2015. I also made Google Page Rank 37 from review from a Poland Firm for the Search”Telecommunication Organization Clearwater”. While making decisions for business, I take help of newspapers, TV, inner search as well as help from family members like elder brother, mother & father. In 2015 I plan to write some more Technical Papers to compile an eBook in Flipkart India. I also plan to sell my painting in Artprice France. I resemble in characters with Jacqueline Fernandez & Paula Patton and hence to promote business, I promote them in Pinterest. I enjoy doing work as much as I enjoy reading Bible Extracts from Joyce Meyer.

A way that I access my inner wisdom when making decisions is that I listen to my body… if I feel happy and expansive…it’s a good path. If my body contracts and feels tight, or I have nagging doubts… then it’s not right for me. Sometimes big leaps might have a bit of fear… getting in touch with that is important and owning who you are and what your gifts and talents are. Staying with your passion, love, and excitement for what you want to do will get you through and help you decide.

I love your sessions they are always amazing. I also love the closing clips with the out takes…I never leave early just to see what you have at the end. As for decisions I use muscle testing to tap inner wisdom and energy. Once I learned how to do it, it’s 99.999% accurate. Thanks for your weekly shows.
All the best,
Duke

Yes, that random clipboard survey clip was right on for how crazy our minds can get with all the related questions in our lives (well, deciding on bangs or not depends on if I’m living here or in Antarctica, obviously!)…

I have a few friends who I call when I have a decision to make that I need input on, and I choose them because they don’t give advice. Yech. What I want then is any tidbits from their own actual experience with my question. And they are people who know how to ask me the kinds of questions that help me get at my own truth.

This is a very rare quality. Most people can’t do it, and no one can do it always, perfectly. But I’m blessed to have a few folks like this.

Mostly, though, I agree, it’s an inner knowing thing. One of the parts I struggle with most is that my own timing of knowing isn’t always convenient for other people’s schedules. For instance, I have a plane flight for Vegas tomorrow for a conference, and was going to stay with a colleague, but I’m not feeling better enough yet for 12+ hrs of travel etc, since I still can’t breathe fully. She’s fine with it, but I wish I knew stuff sooner sometimes, for other people’s benefit.

You always make me laugh while imparting great content. Being a Libra girl I can go back and forth-seeing all sides of a situation-exhausting myself-and going in circles. A blessing and a curse. Have gotten better though, through Focusing practice,meditation and working with intuition-work in progress.Thanks Marie

Research has shown that we make our decision based on emotions and that we justify those decisions with logic.

Emotions are not good or bad, they are information. If you can learn how to read your emotions, you will gain a wisdom that few people possess. This is how you make decisions that are right just for YOU,

I am not saying that you should act on your emotions, not at all.
They are just signals that show us that there is something we should pay attention to and that there is something we have been neglecting.

Realization that ultimately, it is your life and you are the one who must live with the consequences of your decisions can give you the confidence to proceed. “I had all these role models~ good, bad, or indifferent~ and they all followed different paths. You have to decide which path you want to go down.”~ Carlotta Walls LaNier.

What really helps me to make decisions is the question “If there was no RIGHT or WRONG decision, what would I do?” for I find it’s the FEAR of making a bad decision that holds us back and when we can remove that, we tune in to our inner wisdom. Plus really is there ever a right or wrong decision? I think it helps to remember that life is a journey and not a destination, and sometimes the seemingly bad decisions help us to make better ones in the future, or end up being blessings in disguise. I think the key is to remove our own harsh judgement and have a little more faith – as Anis Mojgani beautifully put it (this quote literally blew my mind when I first heard it):

“What if the magnificence of who we are was no longer held captive by the fear of decision? Between two choices, whichever choice you make will be the right one made. The path you are on, you cannot fall off no matter how hard you try”

It is so beauty, and I want to add more how it work and important that is, ask your question if this happen to me and right now don’t have time to ask for advice of other people so what is my decision? Does have an other choice to me… So that help you really challenge yourself, wake up your consciously and subconscious.

For months I’ve wanted to quit my job and just this morning let my board chair know that I was leaving. She said she was shocked and gave me a million reasons why I needed to stay and how great I was. After the 45min discussion I felt confused about my decision and began rethinking my direction.

This timely video is a reminder of the internal process I went through to come to this decision that I believe is best for me! Thank you Marie for reminding me that I need to love my decisions…especially big juicy ones like this one!

I make decisions all the time. I’m good comfortable with that. What I need help with is knowing when to go out and get the council of others… I think been the solo-preneur too much. How to do get / create/ find a circle of people you can trust to help you make better decisions?

Thanks, Marie! I felt this exact same way awhile back and did what you said. I started being intentional about my “small” decisions and worked through my attachment to big and little ones. My fear was always that I would make the “wrong” decision. Once I decided to rid that limiting belief, I started practicing trust and faith that I am being guided and that there are no “wrong” choices. Once I stopped living in fear of making bad choices and started practices being unattached to the outcomes, I realized that I can live more in the flow. Making decisions isn’t going away so better fall in love with them now! Thanks again for your positive reinforcement!

There was a time when i was not able to make any big decisions but one day it came into my mind that i need to overcome this “fear” of decisionmaking.
That was when i had to decide whether i keep my old, good paid job on the police force or i start my film-carreer right now ( for the record, i live in Vienna, so, not so much moviework there)
I decided to take the movie job and it turned out to be the best decision i ever made.
I worked my way up and now im a set-Manager earning one grand p. week

And i know that everone who wants to be successfull and is willing to take a risk will be successful.

Thank you Marie, but that’s just the start, i know i have a long way ahead of me but i will keep on walking until i reached my goal and beyond. Even if i fall down on my journey, and i will fall down, but the trick is to stand up again and think about the mistakes i made, adjust my strategy and go back on the road to success and happyness.

I totaly agree with that, you will never achive a 100% happyness if your heart isn’t in it.
Thats why i quit my job and started over with nothing, and it worked out, last year i was promoted to one of the highest paid positions in the austrian moviebusiness. It took me just 1 Year to achieve it instead of the usual 3 year’s, because i wanted it so badly and i worked my ass off too get there (on a casual day we worked 16hours).
Now i want to give back, i want to help people around me to be successful too and to take their lives in their own hands.

Ps.: I am sorry if my writing is funny to read 😉 i am working on that 🙂

It’s funny how the little decisions add up. Last week, in panic, I realized that I was no longer looking for a missing piece in my life. I’d started down this path 10 years ago and I never thought it was really possible (try and hope was the best). Anyways decisions and step forward eventually works even when you don’t believe.

I have to tell you i’m picky about who I talk about my big decisions. I usually make those my selves. The thing is that I usually know what’s right for me. I just have to let my brain catch-up.

One thing I do with my clients is step them through the confidence line. Start with no confidence and Walk them up Full Confidence. It’s really amazing what they decide when they get up to full confidence. Of course I do believe work along the way. 🙂

When I find myself asking others for advice on big decisions, I try to turn the question around and ask it of myself; if someone were to ask me what they should do in this scenario, what would my advice be to them – and then I take my own advice!

Thanks for the great post! I used to be one of those people who asked other people for opinions all the time. I finally realized it was because I was so afraid of failure. If you always follow the opinions/advice of others, you can feel like it’s not your fault if it doesn’t work out. When I finally realized, I have to take responsibility for my own actions/decisions, decision making got easier and easier. I trust myself now and if things go wrong, then hey, I own it, I learn from my mistake, and I move on!!

I used to sit down and make pros and cons list about any decision — getting it down on paper helped me really visualize my choices.

But I agree, intuition is the best way to choose, and practice makes perfect (almost!). I think I internalized the pros and cons list-making, because now I don’t have to actually put pen to paper anymore. I practiced intuition by making small choices at first: when faced with a relatively unimportant decision, I would close my eyes and imagine the outcome of each choice (fish or pasta?), and then take a deep breath…. and choose!

OMG!!! I laughed out loud!!! This is my new favorite episode…First of all, Your Beauty, Humor and Wisdom is quite the combo, Marie….you look amazing!!!

I have to say, it always seems to backfire when I don’t trust in myself and ask others for approval. For the simple fact there’s something operating beneath the surface that I need to resolve or heal and it’s not something other people’s advice will address.

I do believe we need each other and that all of us want love and connection and a sense of community and like-mindedness. Sometimes what we want is Compassion, not advice. We want listeners who hear without judgment because we judge ourselves…and as you’ve done in this vid, Reinforce self-empowerment! There’s nothing wrong with wanting compassion. We’re all in ‘process’ all the time + Life can be challenging.

This subject is extremely powerful and I appreciate how you’ve presented it in such a positive creative and supportive way!
Awesome ‘Survivor’ video–I bet Beyonce will like it, too. :]
Thank you, Marie! xo

Loved this episode!
I used to be this crazy clipboard lady running around asking people what to do making myself dizzy with all the different opinions and tips people shared. That actually ended up with me trying to do everything for everyone (err what happened to positioning my business) and running myself to the ground working 24/7 trying to please everyone (hello burnout). After one week in bed away from work and from people I had an epiphany and found the answer indeed through my intuition – and I have never looked back ever since!

I wish I had these tips back then – and the other two episodes you recommend are also some of my favourites! 🙂

I used to be an advice addict! I would ask a million people what they thought I should do about….(fill in the blank). How did that work for me? I ended up much more confused than when I started ha…so, it didn’t work so well. Now, I struggle with decisions that are more serious such as, should I move? (Hey, there’s something you can do a Vlog about…should I leave or should I go;-) I guess it is more difficult when there is more on the line, plus sometimes I find that family attempt to pressure me to do what they feel is right….so rather than make big decisions, I get frustrated and plunk my butt down and refuse to decide on anything. In other words, I become my own roadblock. I guess I will figure things out someday:-) Thanks for another fun, wonderful vlog!

Hi Marie and Everyone! When I need to make a decision I sit and get quiet and still …maybe for 10 minutes or sometimes for 2 hours ..I pray and ask for guidance and then when my body says it time to get up then I get up and do something mindless..like cleaning or gardening and the answer usually comes when I’m involved in doing something and not thinking about the issue at hand. If I feel a peace come over me after I have received the answer then I know that it is the right decision. Always offer up the question to the lord, higher power or universe what ever you call it and the answer will come! Hope this helps!

This hit the nail on the head for me today!! Tho my intuition is high in my work, and I always trust it there – in other areas… not so much. But I feel this one on the ‘inside’ – it just feels so right! thanx : ))

I totally resonate with this getting second hand opinion. The ego definitely trips you up and gets you going to great adventures. Often second guessing yourself to the point of head versus heart. I have to admit I’ve been down to ego land many times asking for second hand opinions.
The heart definitely knows your path yet, we’re anxious with excitement to leap and feel what’s so true.
I remember when I wanted to start my psychic business I got butterflies and little bit of panic attacks.
Why?
I knew it my heart that I was forging on to a better and authentic place that was better for my soul to evolve. I knew it would take me into the public. A past life thing for sure of hiding in the shadows and being scared of what other people might say. I trusted while still being unsure of the unknown and I haven’t regretted that decision ever. EVER.
If I did I was going to end up not being fully into my own spirit.

I enjoy my business and I help others open and trust their hearts.

That’s my true purpose: Being a spiritual teacher and an intuitive guide to others.

As an improviser of creative solutions, I make up processes and methods when they are needed in coaching others, or in my life. I have one that addresses just this question and expect to have it up on video by the end of the month. For now, it’s written out in PDF form and will send it to you.

In addition to assisting the user to reach a decision, when used over time, you can develop a quick, clear, confident internal deciding system! Only you speak your unique language so, it’s really a self-communication enhancer.

hello marie; you are right often part of the problem is too many opinions or suggestions. you need to have a few people who you really trust to give you the straight truth. but then its still you who has to decide. how you decide the many small questions each day will determine how you handle the big ones. so take every one as an opportunity to practice and to gain confidence in yourself. remember that we can learn something from every decision regardless of the outcome; the outcome in large part is determined by how we decide to feel about what happens; and we have to be kind to ourselves. no beating yourself up over a poor choice. thanks for sharing, max

That was good timing. I’m at this point right now. I have some decisions to make and I usually get quite panicked. I guess some of my decisions have gone a bit wonky, but others have turned out ok, and some came to an end that was tough,but maybe the theme was right to move on. The thing I’ve decided On now is asking for more information if I think I need it, being patient enough for people to get back to me, and reminding myself my minds meanderings, tantrums, fears and conundrums might be things I can consider but it doesn’t mean they are right. Fingers crossed it works cos big decisions frighten the pants off me. Usually cos I’m concerned about what other people think, but I guess people might think better of me if I get on and make a decision anyway, even if it upsets their Apple cart.

Oh my Gosh, I didn’t even realise I was a Survey Addict until today! I even thought this Q&A was not applicable to me but of course love any drop of wisdom Marie gives so watched the post any way. Well, I’m deciding that I’m making my own decisions from now own – it feels somewhat liberating! J x

Such a strange coincidence, I just published a blog about how everyday decisions lead you to the best life you can imagine, if you follow the your heart tugs 🙂 Great video, and I’m so excited to be on the same page as you today!

Hi Marie,
Great insights as usual! Thanks a lot for sharing!
But I do have another burning question – Can I learn the brand/designer of your dress? – a totally amazing one, loved it! Please either note here / email to me, so I don’t need to check bunch of apps to find & buy it!

Trust your gut, or your body. Think about each choice deeply and then feel in your body how that choice makes you feel. Go with the best feeling. I did this when I was very young and still in art school. I had a steady job filling retail orders that paid the bills nicely while I went to school. I hated it. An exboyfriend came in and offered me a job as an assistant at a magazine. Pay was $75 a month. Yes, I said $75 a month for four 40 hour weeks. (It was a long time ago, 1971, but even then $75 a month was nothing. My rent was $63 a month. Not much left over.) My job paid at least four times that. All logic dictated not to take the new job offer. Couldn’t make ends meet. My friends said stay put. My body relaxed and felt great when I thought about the new job. My body tensed up and reacted with horror when I thought about staying in the job I had. I quit and started with the magazine. I lost some weight, sold my car and went everywhere on a bicycle. It was the best move I could have made. That job experience directly got me another couple jobs in my career field as a designer. Everyone else thought I was absolutely nuts. Was the best thing I could have done in the long run.

Great video! When it comes to every day decision-making, I always trust myself over the opinions of others. My journey and experiences are unique, after all! However I am a full believer in making well researched decisions. This girl wants ALL the facts.

If there is a decision that I need to make, and I don’t have any prior knowledge, then I will ask my friends or family further insight and the experiences they’ve had. It’s like reading the customer reviews on Amazon before you buy the item. They may bring up problems I never thought of, added benefits and never crossed my mind, etc.

With this “consumer reviews” from my highly-trusted sources, I can make my own, better-informed choices.

Thanks for a great question/answer. I am working hard at recognizing the difference between heart knowledge and head knowledge. I do think there are certain decisions I just don’t have the knowledge to make (mutual fund selections, real estate trends, car and other technical issues, legal decisions, etc.) and need other’s opinions/knowledge before acting. Then there’s the heart decisions- where do I want to retire? Should I go or should I stay? Unfortunately in the past I’ve allowed others to make some of my heart decisions. Today, I’m trusting myself more and I’ve made some goofs, but they’re my goofs and I learn from them. Thanks for a great video Marie!

You’re awesome Marie! Keep doing what you’re doing! You’ve inspired me! I’m at the beginning of my new journey and looking forward to what’s coming next. Contrary to what Rhonda said, your songs, etc., shows you are AUTHENTIC. I appreciate you and respect you for all you’ve contributed to all of us who are trying so hard to achieve our dreams. Thank you!

Marie doesn’t make a song in each video! If you don’t like it, that’s fair enough. There’s hundreds of other videos with great insights to choose from. Plus, in my opinion, spelling mistakes and poor grammar detract more than having a sense of humour in the 21st century

I love this episode! I’m a terrible decision maker. I ask my boyfriend for advice on small and big decisions alike and especially the smaller ones could get quite ridiculous. I’ve started to work on this when I realized just how ridiculous and also the impact it had on my life; not feeling like I had much say in it. My boyfriend never wanted this “power” I gave him and would always try to get me to decide for myself, but I’ve just never felt comfortable making my own decisions. I remember when I was younger trying to get my mum to make decisions for me, so it’s always been an issue. I’m really hard on myself so when I make a bad decision, I will give myself a hard time, but when it was someone else’s decision, I will not get (as) mad. I really want to take back this power but as you can see I haven’t had much practice! These tips are very welcome and I love the anthem! I will learn it by heart and sing it whenever I need it. I think my inability to make decisions really contributes to not feeling like I have any control over my life, when in fact I have every control. I just find it so scary to take that responsibility, but I know I will feel much better when I do. I will continue practicing and I think it will be easier with these tips. Thank you Marie!

I am a slow decision maker. It takes me a long time to research options and then decide on which one I want. This quality can be both good and bad. These days, there are just so many options of everything, so I like to get referrals or ideas from people I trust and use this as a starting point. Then, I go on to make the final decision on my own. I like to use facts and figures to make decisions and when that isn’t available, I use my gut!

Love your videos and advice 🙂 It always puts me in a good mood and starts my day right.

For me anytime I need to make a new decision I have to battle between my fear and my inner truth or passion. I believe fear mostly comes when we do not trust ourselves and the universe. It is very scary to go into the unknown but the only way to succeed is to let go of fear and trust, kind of like floating in the ocean. Also, meditating every day for 10 minutes in the morning and going within really helps. We have the answers most of us are just scared to listen 🙂 Thank you and keep sending us fun and inspiring episodes!
Tania

I’m pretty good at making decisions, but this video was still great and helpful. Especially dialing 888-Inner-Wisdom, because that advice never gets old, and yet I need to be reminded of that often! Also Marie + wind machine = magic. Destiny’s Child has a chance of getting back together with a new lead woman! Yay!

This is so timely – I was just writing about this! When I am finding it hard to hear my intuition I try to check on it and see how it feels if I actually made that decision. l Also ask if I’ll regret saying yes or no a few years down the road. I also like to journal or babble to a girlfriend to work out my thoughts…among other things. It’s lovely when we can hear our intuition clearly but when we can’t, I like to do the above;)

Am I a good decision maker?
Hm. That depend how you measure if a decision is good or bad.
To do solo decision: I had to be pushed in the pool and face a sink or swim situation.
Now: Are 100% of my decisions produce wish-able or good result. Hum, no.
But the great thing about making a decision that do not produce what I wanted it to produce is that I can always take another decision to rectify the course.
Two wrong will not make one right, but one decision after the others and you can change the outcome… even if you had to sweat and pay the consequences of the previous one.
Now, is everyone approving of the decision I make and saying I make right decision.
Huh, no.
Not at all.
Only I always told them that if I was following their advice and it was souring, where will you be? Will you come in the trenches with me?
Most often the answer is no, you took the decision. But based on your advice. And they will still say: But it is your decision to follow my advice.
Or not, I smile on that. I would follow it if you were ready to come in the trenches with me, you’re not, so you’re guessing as much as I do. Thank you for your opinion.
And I do to my head.
Consequences are easier to bear when I made the mistake because I can learn from it and have no one else to blame.
Eejee

Seriously Marie, the timing on this video could not be more of a hammer to the head! Just last night I was up tossing, and turning, unable to sleep, because of this very thing. I had realized at about 2am that I was struggling with everything because I have learned a bad habit of listening too much to others and not enough to myself (or God, in my belief structure).

I work with my Mother (who is totally awesome and creative and I’m so super lucky to have the relationship with her that I do) BUT I do have trouble much of the time because I listen too much to her advice. Some of it is great and amazing and takes us to new levels because she has had experience that I haven’t – however, that experience can also lead to a huge fear of trying something new. ALL the time I have these thoughts like “oh! Maybe I should try making this! People would love it because I love it!” And Mom is like, “I did something similar in X business and it didn’t work” – so we don’t try it. I feel like so many amazing things could happen if I just turned off some of her advice and just DID it. Maybe it didn’t work then but it will now?

The business is in my name but Mom does foot the bill on a lot of start up costs – think of her like an investor. As an investor, she does have a say in what happens to the business, but in the end it is MY business and I have the final say. This means I need to trust myself (and God) to bring me what I need and create the world I want to live in.

Oh boy – this one really hit home for me. I absolutely need to throw out that clipboard! Over the last few months, I’ve been confused/offended/irritated by several people close to me who insist that I take their unsolicited advice on how to run my life.

Although I promptly cut off those conversations (something I would never have done in the past), your post made me realize that I have been carrying around my clipboard for far too long – hence why they feel the right to give unsolicited advice. And, although I’ve become more assertive and developed other great characteristics over the last year, that clipboard has to go!

“Completely disconnected from your own truth.” This made my eyes sting with tears. Right now I’m frozen. I can’t move, can’t breathe. All I know is that I want to move forward and am stuck in the muck of “should” and fear of ridicule and failure along with feeling like my own truth is not valid. I find myself at the precipice of an amazing project or idea and I stop. I’ve thought for a long time that it was because I didn’t have the support I craved. After listening to the video, I’m wondering if it is more that I need to start trusting myself to make my own decisions.

When I need to make a big decision I write in my journal and try to connect to my happiest times and gut feeling and then I make a pros and cons list to compare the practical stuff. When I look back at both the decision is usually really clear even though it is sometimes hard to listen and trust myself enough to make a change. We have to trust ourselves that we can deal with ramifications of any decision we make.

Another breath of fresh air – Thanks.
While I’ve been told ‘revelation comes from accurate information’, one truly can be paralyzed by potential “unknown unknowns”. So, yes, in a world of ‘only your doctor can decide’, I’ll take a dose of “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe. Much of my anxiety rises from forgetting the dance I stepped onto the floor with … forgetting what my wife and I’s definition(s) of success looks like can produce hesitation around planning and decision making because I forget if I’m succeeding or not? Succeeding at what? What magazines say makes a man or woman? What everyone at the office thinks? Does the present decision accomplish my goals for the time period? If yes, go! If no than … boop!
I can’t seem to delete, ignore or dismiss your content … form and function are spot on.
Can YOU kick this? Yes, you can.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions. I tend to believe that it’s okay to ask for opinions, and to just be clear on that’s what it is, an opinion. It should not be the deciding factor on if you are going to move in one direction or another.

I believe that smart people ask questions; and for me that means if I am not the expert, than I seek out expert advice, but I make the decision. Hope that makes sense.

Thanks Marie, again for giving us all something to think about. Love the video with Destinys Child.

Thank you, Marie for your great videos! This is my decision today – to leave a comment. I have been enjoying your videos and your advice for so many months and you are an inspiration for my own project so getting connected here feels like a great decision – clear and in integrity!:) Thank you again! Oxana

Assertive decision making takes practice. It’s like my hubby says “Hesitation causes FEAR, and fear causes your worst nightmares to come true.” A decision to run a red light could cause you your life, but if you’re committed at “yellow,” there’s no suddenly stopping half-way through the intersection. SO – you gotta practice committing to your decision, and not just practice making the decision. This is something I’ve worked on quite a bit in my life; just being assertive about my decision, and trusting my initial gut or judgement. It’s when I make a decision, then hesitate, that I get myself into all sorts of trouble. So practice COMMITMENT is my two cents.

I feel it’s important to ask around, but then take all that input and filter it through the sieve of your own inner wisdom, to come up with the decision that’s right for you.

Thanks for this and all other videos Marie! They are so inspirational, whatever the topic may be…I feel uplifted only just listening to you! And you usually get me to laugh at least once or twice too which is always a welcome bonus 🙂 xo

It is oh so tempting to pick up that clipboard! I find that it’s the little, “insignificant” decisions that can be the toughest to make. It’s easy to get caught up in over-analyzing when we’re talking about choosing what to eat for breakfast. The problem with making tons of small decisions is the dreaded “decision fatigue” — we run out of brain power and aren’t as sharp for the decisions that REALLY count! I’m a big believer in minimizing decisions – maybe that means planning meals, workouts & outfits in advance – so that in the day to day we can focus on wholeheartedly making better decisions <3 Great episode Marie!

Marie! Great Q and A Tuesday question by Punam…make better decisions. This one is thoroughly relevant to whether we have self-confidence (or not) and experienced SUCCESS when we’ve made our own decisions.

This is something freshly raw in my life. I have seen it’s association to attachment/bonding success (or failure) from conception to about age 2….during what is called the formation of IMPLICIT memory.

If A). It never happened or was very poor, or
B) There was no *repair*…(i.e. apology or explanation of extenuating circumstances);
Then you do not TRUST YOURSELF! (or OTHERS for that matter)….and that is not too satisfying.

Hi Marie and everyone else. This is my first post but Ive been watching your videos for a long time now. I could be in the worst of moods and in a negative frame of mind (like today) and watching you just lifts me up. Great video, great energy. Decisions are so hard for me lately but after watching this i feel i will have a leg up on the competition..(myself) 🙂

I used to be the type of person who asked for others’ opinions when making decisions, as if I needed some outside source of validation in order to move forward. I stopped after turning 26 and reflecting over my life and my happiness, which caused me to see how not listening to myself and making my own decisions placed me in a life that I felt was not truly fitting for me. I now trust my intuition and trust God for guidance and I pay attention to how things feel. When something feels right, I go for it. If not, I stay away. It feels great now to trust myself and to see my dreams coming to a reality now because I finally am allowing myself to be who I am, in strength and in truth.

Hey Marie! I’ve now got I’m a decider stuck in my head and I love it! So many great comments on this thread … One of my other FAVE tips around deciding is: The Filter Question!!! This tip you gave on a vintage episode is one of my new anthems!!

I have a question: I’m struggling maintaining a work-at-home schedule and often procrastinate because I’m not feeling inspired and social media is slightly more interesting than struggling with what I’m writing at times. I want my writing and book coaching business to grow but I know I’m only holding myself back when I don’t fulfill on things because I let my time get away with me. I’m in a hard place because I’ve had to return to my family home so the energy here is hard to have concentration with (there are so many people around and they’re ALWAYS around). What should I do? I usually go to a coffee shop but that can get expensive and it’s not always a good time for me to be there.

Hi Christine!
I have the same issue. There is so much I WANT to do, a novel, blog, on line classs, yoga, but it never seems to come to fruition. Just as I sit down to do it, something catches fire and I, being designated fireman, have to leave my work to put it out. I understand it is my job since I do not work outside the home for money, but I get annoyed.

Christine, Jess. My wife also have things want to do like you, she very busy by her work and take care family. But she ask support from me when she want to do something like to go exercise yoga. And I wanna effort support to her. You can try to ask for support from your family to do things you really want. When you have time for it, you will have more motivate do it.

Oh Marie – this could have been written just for me, I am so like that. I would turn to everyone for opinions rather that trust my own. However I am turning over a new leaf (note I am being positive, I know I can do it) and trusting what I think, so this really really helped. Thank you so much, now I am off to share on FB, I know a other people who could do with watching this video!

Great episode Marie! I particularly like the last tip, dial 888 inner wisdom. It’s strange, I would have dismissed this tip a few weeks back but I’ve come to realise that often. by letting others decide for us, we end up doing things that aren’t aligned with our core values. We do them half-heartedly… Therefore we get half results.

So I’ve come to believe that the key is to act in harmony with one’s values. Value fun? Inject fun in all you do. Value integrity? Don’t compromise. Value connecting with people personally? Don’t do corporate voice…etc…

Listening to other’s perspective is great. But letting others rule our world is a recipe for running in circles and never tapping into our inner genius.

Great episode today Marie! I have struggled with making my own decisions for years, I’d allow friends, family, and even acquaintances to make major life decisions for me and ended up in a job and living situation that I absolutely hated! I realized that I was afraid to make my own decisions because if the consequences turned out badly, I’d have no one to blame but myself. This can be a terrifying and paralyzing realization.

However, I’ve come to realize that living with the consequences of my own decisions is far less painful than living in a reality that I allowed others to create for me!

So right about having the clipboard out.
Brene Brown refers to it as ‘polling’ your friends. I used to have to poll my friends about everything, and it came down to me being afraid of being wrong. Since I’ve come to embrace the possibility of failure, making bad decisions hasn’t been so scary – it just means I’m on the way to making good decisions!

I loved this video Marie! I watch all of your videos when I can however this one hit home for me at this point in time in my life! I think I’m ok when making decisions at work however when it comes to more material things, I feel like I need to ask for another opinion to justify my purchase. For example last week I went shopping with my bf and I was originally pit to buy a new black bag, I saw the black bag that seemed like a good purchase however then saw a nude coloured one on sale. So I asked my bf for his opinion and he thought the nude looked better. So I ended up buying that one and talked myself into as it was on sale also. After I got home I thought to myself ‘hang on, wasn’t I meant go get a black bag?!’ Lol… A few days later I went back into the store sbd exchanged for the black one I original wanted / needed. I need to learn to trust my own intuition and judgement more.

Thank you for this video! Have written your tweets me in my diary as a constant reminder for this week’s lesson! 🙂

Love you lots Marie & keep up the great work!

Ps. Is your B school abuosble to international residents also? If so, how does that work?

To answer your question, yes, B-School is open to students internationally. The program is online, so you can access it from anywhere and don’t need to be present “in person” to take part. If you’re on our list at http://www.joinbschool.com we’ll keep you in the loop, and you can email our team at bschool@marieforleo.com if you have any other questions!

I was just chatting about this with my cousin yesterday.
Every little decision really does shape the end result. I’m not someone that needs other peoples opinions so I know “if I had to ask” I probably already know the answer but I just “wish” it was something easier.

My cousin and I are both getting products printed at the moment. Her on bed linen and me with paper. She said she felt like she’d been “busting the printers balls getting the colour just right”, I said well, sometimes “balls have just gotta be busted”, do it nicely and with a smile but at the end of the day it’s your money and your business. It’s not easy though since we both like to be liked.

Yesterday I was about to sign a well paying 12 month contract for a major international company. With pen in hand, I couldn’t stop thinking about the internship (i.e.: non-paying) I had applied but had been encouraged by family to ditch the idea (financial reasons). I asked for 24 hours to think about the contract.

When I got home I called my contact for the internship and explained my situation. They agreed to do a second interview and 45 minutes later I was offered the final vacant spot in their internship program.

Marie, I just have to tell you….I sooooo appreciate your humor! There is room for being successful, knowledgable, respected and fun! Yay! You are a great roll model!

Great episode…my 2¢…it has helped me a lot of make sure I take the time to do good thorough research (if the decision is researchable). I have sooo many people tell me their opinions based on what they would like me to do, but it is often out of personal preference not knowledge of my industry. What is tricky is, I make/sell a consumer product, so I do want to hear people’s opinions, but the research helps to learn if it is viable. Then, following your intuition is key even with thorough research.

Love the music video, that has inspired me! Great dancing moment 🙂 LOL. Actually, your whole session has really inspired me as usual, I love your fun, free, but all business style and your love of helping others. Thank you for these great tips today, I am working on being a better decision maker, what has helped me is making the decision of being more confident about what I really think. I know that sounds weird, I end up having a conversation with myself…. and come to the conclusion that what I think and have to say and my decision matters. TY!

Remember – all great entrepreneurs and successful businesses had at one point people say they were absolutely CRAZY. That it’s impossible. These people listened to their heart, believed in their dream, and made it happen anyway.

Something simple like deciding NOT to ask your friends and family about something, and making a decision FOR yourself…goes a long way. This is your life and you should do what feels right for you.

Whenever I feel anxiety over something, I just write it down. A simple pros and cons list on a sheet of paper can provide immense clarity 🙂

You so crazy… You’ve put the fun back into Tuesday for me. I now, always look forward to MarieTV.

I used to have big problems making my own decisions and always looked for a second opinion. When things went wrong I was able to divide up the blame and wash my hands from any responsibility. Which is wrong.

I made the change to stop relying on others when I decided to have the guts to take full responsibly for when things went wrong.

I think most people allow others to decide for them because when it all turns sour… “ooops, nothing to do with me, it was xxxx idea”. You can completely remove any responsibility.

You know what amazes me constantly: the timing of your episodes that end up in my inbox against the timing of my own life…

Just today, I was dealing with what is for me a huge decision. I struggled with it and turned to my trusty care bear for advice. He gave me his opinion (which didn’t at all align with my gut feeling around what my business decision should be), and my instinct was to first disagree, then to differ to his wisdom and business experience on the matter and accept his opinion. Key word here is OPINION. He thankfully is pretty damn smart, and noticed that I am differing to him when my gut is telling me to go for it, so he put the ball back in my court.

I chose to go with my gut, and do something that is smart not just internally (for my soul), but externally too: do my research and make sure I have every single fact I need to make the most informed decision I can. Then whatever happens happens, but at least I know that I didn’t lose out on something that could have been amazing (or taught me something) or if it fails, think that I made a bad decision because I made the best possible decision I could with the information I had.

I think that people (including myself here) are afraid of the big decisions and the accountability that comes with them as they view failure as a negative thing. Part of the key is to realise both that every failure brings you closer to success and that failure=effort=wisdom=better decisions long term. Doing your research with the decisions that you can may aid you in at least feeling in your heart that you made the right decision when push comes to shove.

So try this: instead of your first port of call being to ask for someone’s opinion on a subject, have a discussion with that person you trust AFTER you have done all the research you possibly can. That way, you can use that person to bounce ideas off of rather than as a decision crutch. They will spot the holes that you won’t, but they will also help you form a better case as to why your idea or decision is a good one and not rash or ill-thought out. If it is a rash decision, it just means you need to go back to the drawing board with your knowledge to see if you missed anything. They will ask you the uncomfortable questions you may be avoiding because they are not emotionally invested in the decision, and that is a powerful tool to be used with care.

Just my two cents on the matter. My apologies for the long post, I’m not very good at being succinct. Thanks again Marie and Co. for the ever inspiring and helpful videos! And thank you to all the lovely people who are here in the comments and keep this lady posting ^^

Nice quote. I have another Rone that goes something like this “make your own decisions or other would make them for you, and trust me they don’t have much at stake for you”. I am sure I misquoted that, but the point is that being a decision maker is way way too important, for us to leave our lives at somebody else’s hands.

I have the same problem, and I have always found that the results were always as mixed and varied as the opinions I received. Come to think of it, the best decisions I have ever made always stemmed from me keeping my ideas to myself until its showtime. I believe some people will honestly try to help you with making decisions, and sometimes you never really know the other person’s true intentions are which can prove to be troublesome in the future. I definitely agree Marie, always trust your inner wisdom!

I grew up in a fear-based environment where risks were frowned upon not because the risks were bad but because my family wanted to protect me from failure. I used to be an advice seeker not because I wanted advice but because I wanted approval. I finally realized what I was doing and I began using negative advice as a gauge. Positive comments nourish my soul. Negative comments give me the traction I need to move forward like salt on an icy road.

With more than 30 years of child care experience I just started a parenting support business. My goal is to help parents from all walks of life (paying as well as non-paying). My family was not supportive. Their opinions help me solidify my own position. I have learned to used their fear based advice as a compass as I move in the opposite direction. Thanks to their strong will to protect me from failure, I have had to exercise my own decision making muscle. Thanks for a great segment Marie. You always help fuel my vehicle and keep me moving forward.

I hear Stephanie on feeling decision-making fatigue. I tend to resist routine because I fear commitment, but I like the idea of making a decision a habit so I no longer have to waste energy on it. I also worry that I’ll waste time or money or whatever, but mainly I’m constantly judging about whether something is good enough. Did I exercise enough, walk the dog enough, work enough, play enough with the dog, do enough social media, write enough for a blog post, drink enough water, sleep enough, do enough around the house, contribute enough, etc. If I just stop worrying about it all and decide I am and do enough, I’ll be at peace with how I spend my days.

I make most of my decisions ‘ infographic ‘ style, I decide between 2 alternatives (yes/no) and move on to the next stage, then decide on that
( yes/no), then move on, and so on. Sounds rediculously simple (minded) but works. I have a simple, easy and fun infographic on the front page of my website thecreativescoach.com

One of the best pieces of advice that I received a few years ago was “pay no attention to the committee!” It was like this divine light came shining through from heaven! I came to the realization that the majority of my decisions were made based on opinions of my friends and family and that my own friends who never listened to my advice were a lot happier. That’s when I decided to fly solo and became a self proprietor of my life and got rid of my board!

Great advice Marie, and if anyone is still struggling with making a decision, then give yourself the permission to take your time, get outside, and the answer will come to you cause it will FEEL the best.

Thank you Marie! I soooo love Tuesdays! Regarding decision making, I realise that I ask for advice when I’m trying to avoid the decision that I intuitively know I should make! In other words, fear = avoid the truth by trying to get someone else to tell you otherwise! Only problem is, if the person who I ask for advice gives me the “wrong” (ie. RIGHT) answer, I get irritated and defensive! And yes, every single sentence has ended with an exclamation mark!! It’s because you make me SO EXCITED!!! Thanks again for your humour and your amazing wisdom.

Learning to make decisions is for some people, easier said than done… Because it is the death of other options (at least temporarily). Just like the etymology of the word, “suicide”.., when we “decide” we cut off other options.

The way I see it, though is that our decisions can help us break free from the expectations of others.

We need to be comfortable in our own skin enough to do this.

The way that has worked for me, even in my toughest decisions is to decide/choose the direction that I want to go in.

Then, when and if I share this decision with others and ask for their opinion…it’s just that, their opinion.

My intention behind asking is to get someone else to support me. To have them suggest the decision I already made and think to mysel, “I thought so.”

If they chose something else, my intuition gets “offended,” as it should, because I should believe in my intuition.

Very rarely, does anybody away my opinion. And when this happens, it’s either because I listened to my ego, instead of my intuition and made the wrong choice. And after making a different choice, and checking in with my intuition again, I feel greater peace.

Your intuition is like a stethoscope that listens to your heart to determine where it wants to jump to next.

When I had to make a decision, I actually never asked anyone.
I just sit with it, sleep with it and meditate on it. I do my best to feel in my body how I feel about it. Also if I feel thing start stressing me out , or I need to rush to make a decision , well it will be a no. It is my rule.
See you next week Marie .

Love the Queen bee vid, was watching in the public library alone and nearly bursted out laughing.

you are so great. Love that you have your own style of delivering both truth and ridiculousness, that becomes oh so truthful at the same time.

also, love that this video came at exactly the right time in my life.
I wrote “Be the decider. And celebrate that.” on the front cover of my journal. From now on, im making my own decisions biatches!! and this is gonna be my mantra for a long time to come.

Thanks, again, always Marie. I’m so so grateful for you in my life and you (and me!) in this world. Will watching your videos for a long long time to come!! xx

Hi Marie, People don’t have ability make good decision at the first time, to make good decision people need practice it many time. My personal experience on how I can make good decision for myself that is: I ask myself does this work will make me feel good fit with myself, my knowledge and my ability? That is time I trust myself, and I always do things with my trust, try to make right things and serve other people. Then to make good decision people should don’t worry about what is your decide, just make it as tip above, even it get results don’t as you want, you don’t make good enough but it is your part of grow and be better. Hope this useful.

Thanks so much for tuning in, Swathi! We have a couple great MarieTV episodes about getting things done and finding a little more balance with your time, so I hope you love checking these out for a few tips.

I make my own decisions, but I need a sounding board to bounce them off. As a solo-preneur, until I get to hire my team, it is hard to not go in circles when having to make decisions. While I need to talk to people in order to make my decisions, I tend to find my own answers.

I’m still laughing at that song… so funny! Loved it.
I will intentionally keep it on replay in my head.
Thank you Marie.. this video was brilliant, as all are.

I’ve recently tried these new ideas when deciding on something, and I’ve seen that the more I practice these, the easier it is to make a decision:

(1) For big & small decisions: do I love the feeling or do I just like it

(2) For small decisions: I pre-decide the easy stuff so I don’t have to keep making small decisions (like automating them, as Jody said)

(3) For big decisions: I give it a moment – wait it out a day+, revisit it, recheck how I feel, if it’s still in “love it” category, then I just go for it

(4) After making my share of “bad” decisions I know those taught me some really good life lessons, so if I’m wavering and doubting, I tell myself that in the end, whatever happens, something good will come of any decision.

(5) I just read “Willpower” (by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney) – so mind-opening, on the psychology of how we make decisions.
xx

This is sooo funny – I’m actually on the exact opposite track lately. All my life I’ve been making all my decisions entirely by myself. It’s never dawned on me to ask other people for their opinions or advice on what I need to do.

A few years ago I learned the eye-opening & useful concept of ‘asking’. Asking other people for help, perspectives, ideas, opinions, feedback…And so now I sometimes remember to ask a few key people their views & opinions when I need to make decisions, especially in areas of my life where I tend to make poor decisions, with bad outcomes.

In any event, I recently learned a few great ideas to help make decisions. Ask yourself:
1. Ten years from now, if I make this decision, will i regret it? How will I feel?
2. Does this fit in with my goals and priorities / move me towards my goals?

Another great tactic I’ve used to help myself make decisions is to write out a big Pros & Cons list for each choice.

Now that I’ve watched this video, I’d like to learn more about tapping into my intution. I think that a skill I can greatly improve upon. I’ll go watch your other videos. Thanks for sharing.

As always you are amazing and this episode likewise rocks. Thank you very much. From now on, I will listen to myself and follow my heart. I wish I can attend B school in the near future. You are so infectious in a lot of different ways, all positive and all motivating. And that’s why I make it a point to tweet your tweetables and share your episodes. 🙂

Unfortunately, I am one to rely too much on other peoples opinions, but I am learning to listening and most importantly TRUSTING myself more. Its challenging but definitely worth it.

I had an experience where a close family member who has nothing but the best intentions for me, and has been supportive in everything I do – suggested I continue doing something that just didnt FEEL right for me. Despite the fact it didnt feel right, I trusted her opinion and went with it anyway for OVER A YEAR until finally I couldn’t do it anymore.

EVERYTIME I dont listen to my intuition, it always nips me in the bum. Lesson Learned.

I’ve always been a solo decision maker. I don’t ask for the opinions of others often, but do take them into consideration occasionally. I wouldn’t really call myself a good decision maker yet because I can take too long to decide sometimes, even with small things. Some tips on making quicker decisions would be nice 🙂

Martina,
While I haven’t read it myself, I’ve heard a few positive reviews about the book “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell in terms of speeding up decisions. I know his work doesn’t resonate with everyone, but it might be worth checking out at your local library for another perspective.

For me personally, I started speeding up my own decision making by simply practicing! One of my best friends and I decided to improve our decision-making skills by just counting to three and making a fast decision about whatever we were stuck on – like where to get lunch, or what movie to watch. It was really fun, and it did help me become much more decisive much faster!

I’ve been in business for myself for what seems like a lifetime … As a freelance commercial illustrator and as an inventor of products that I’ve marketed and sold.

I’m burned out on big decision making, as my two businesses require very different parts of my brain! One solely creative – “Attention Right Side!” and the other mostly business – “Attention Left Side!” So I’ve hired so-called experts to take over in some areas … People I was highly referred to. In every single EXPENSIVE instance I was completely disappointed in the
decisions they made that brought on few results. Even though I clearly
emphasized to each one the direction I wanted them to take, my requests
were ignored as if I weren’t even heard. Now I’m back to being in the same exhaust mode, having lost trust for outsourcing any “expert’s” decisions! Any thoughts on this? I’m stuck!
And more burned out than ever!

Oh no, Susan. I’m so sorry to hear that. I know it can be hard to find the right people for certain jobs, and especially hard after some not-so-great experiences already. Have you seen the episode of MarieTV about growing your business without working more? I’ll pop the link below, but I think it might spark some inspiration for you moving forward before outsource again! I hope this helps, and keep us posted. We’re cheering for you.

Very good info. I Love the tweetable. I will pass it on (as I do so often). Mostly want to say I too, have never had a hot pocket 🙂 Have you seen comedian Jim Gaffigans youtube on hot pockets? Please tell me yoiu will check it out 😀

I only go to one person for advice and it’s my partner, and only because I really trust his wisdom and ability to show me a few different perspectives I don’t always see.

There had been times that I knew it was the right decision to make yet I didn’t like it (from expected fears and disappointment), but in the end it was the best decision at the moment. So going with emotions is not always the best. You have to make sure where those emotions come from.

This was a great vid! I completely relate to the person asking this question because I always was asking for other people’s opinions. I wonder why I got in that habit… I am not sure, but I was almost addicted to being indecisive and I think it made me more out of touch with my own opinions and intuition.

I successfully shifted, though, years ago and it’s sooo awesome. A turning point for me was my step-mom pointing out that I was using so much energy to make a decision that if I would have made the decision earlier, all of that energy could have been put toward follow-through on the direction I decided. I was tired enough from this bad habit and self-aware enough to know she was exactly right. As simple as it sounds, at that point I made a decision…. I decided I was no longer going to be indecisive! 🙂 It may sound over-simplified, but I really meant that and would not let myself linger in indecision/over-asking other people their opinion from that point on. So I no longer do that and it’s freeing and awesome! Thanks Marie for the vid!

Decisions are usually about taking action. I realized fairly early on that since I was the one to take action – and reap the results – I needed to pay attention to and develop my own process, imperfect as it was. Ya gotta start somewhere, so start with you! Each new step taken, confidence grows until the day that certainty is accessible. Yay, clarity! xo

I think we either ask others for their opinions before we make our own either because 1. we think they have some knowledge that we don’t, or 2. we need reassurance that the opinion we’ve already come up with is valid.

We feel better about ourselves when we have the support from others. Duh. OF course you’re going to feel pretty good about a decision you’ve made if everyone agrees with you. And if it doesn’t turn out well, at least it wasn’t your UNIQUE idea that failed.

The thing is, no one knows YOU as well as you do (no matter how confused you can be at times). And what’s right for you may be seen as “wrong” for someone else.

But that doesn’t make it wrong. It just makes it wrong for them. And it could just as well be RIGHT for you!

Here I was initially disappointed by the subject and thinking I was going to pass on this session with Marie. So glad I made the decision to slow down and engage. What a rewarding decision it was! Thank you!

Something that makes a huge difference, that I’m surprised Marie didn’t mention, is “analysis paralysis.” Studies have shown that the more decisions we make, the more difficult it becomes to make further decisions, even if most of our decision is minute, it has a negative impact on our remaining mental resources to make the important calls. Things like what to wear every morning and what to eat every day are the biggest offenders, or even what to do every day and when.

It is recommended to wear more or less the same thing every day (like Steve Jobs and President Obama) and to have simple and recurring meal plans that you don’t have to think about. If you are not bound by external schedules, you should keep your routine and schedule out your days so you don’t have to waste energy deciding what to do every moment. Marie (and others!) talks a lot about scheduling and prioritizing as a key way to productivity.

All of this just alleviates a huge mental load from your daily life, freeing your critical analysis and decision making skills for the things that are actually important! Since I’m not supposed to be posting links here, I recommend you do some googling on your own about these topics. Check out Project 333 or Google “why does steve jobs wear the same thing every day?” 🙂

I am excited how these tips have made my life so much easier, and thrilled to continue simplifying 🙂

This video is really helpful for me, thank you so much Marie.
Actually I’m planing my summer vacation to do list, and I just find that there are so many things I want to do while I’m doubted if I have the ability and courage to do it.
I want to be a short-term international volunteer during this summer vacation ,and this is a big decision for me and my parents because I have no experience like this before.
I got more certainty and courage to dream and make a specific plan for it after watching your video, thank you. Hope I can achieve my goal this summer.
JoJo

First frightening decision would be NOT to call anyone else any more <3 … that can freak you out, Girl! :-). Then, there are ways where you can learn how to trust your inner wisdom hot line. I did it with horses. I used to ride for 20 years, when I bought the first of two horses. Suddenly, I was the one in charge. Should I get a vet? Should I add some additionals to the food? When to get the blacksmith the next time? Or stop putting on these horrible iron things and better go for horse shoes – I mean: horse SHOES, that I only put on for riding? Which saddle? Which coat? Wash the horse or only groom it? What to do if anything turns out a wrong decision? The most valuable thing I found out was: you can always get back to your own decision. If you find out that it does not work – well, turn the clock back and decide upoon what you recently learnt and have a second go. Most often, you only need one or two desision makings to get things going how they should go – according to YOUR common sense. Minimise the fear of making faults – that is what lies most often behind the scary decisions – the fear to make a fault. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself to come back to your decision without blaming you AT ALL. Every day you learn new things and it is very wise to implement new knowledge into your daily life. Yes, it is! All my experiences with my horses were just priceless after the birth of my first child. I KNEW I could do it. I KNEW if something does not work how I imagined, I would take another new decision. I KNEW it by experience.

I always loved what Walt Disney said about decision making for his projects: He called his top staff into one room and got their opinions. Then he did the opposite. Being a person who, at 63, is just now transitioning into a livlihood I love, I realize one of the main reasons for that is that I have NO support for it. When you get a new JOB everybody is all excited for you like you told them you are going to have a baby or something. But tell them you are leaving a regular paycheck when so many people are looking for work – people just worry unless you have a rich husband. I don’t, but I’m doing this anyway. Our society isn’t supporting happiness as primary – yet. And I know it is hard to struggle financially, too, and there is a transition period. BUT, that doesn’t mean we can’t make those transitions. People who love you see safety as primary, so just know that’s where they are coming from probably when you ask for an opinion on a big decision. Safety has its place, but it’s a small one.

Peggy,
Thanks so much for tuning in this week! It sounds like you’re truly following your heart and jumping into something exciting, and I’m sorry to hear that you’re not seeing much support.

Although I think more people are really coming to understand the entrepreneurial mindset, there are still so many who stick to the more “traditional” paths.

It sounds like you’re really rocking your confidence and following your dreams, so just for fun I though I might pass along this great MarieTV episode for a few nuggets of wisdom on keeping your confidence boosted:

Thank you for reading my post, Caroline. I really appreciate your encouragement, and the link to the confidence video. It was excellent also – I think Marie is one of the best communicators I listen to, and I listen to many. This is my fourth attempt at doing my own thing, and it was always financial struggles in the past that sent me back to a regular paycheck in another mind-numbing job. I understand that many people like the security and predictability of that, but it has always been a struggle for me. I was craving so much more 40 yrs ago, but had no model for it. I so appreciate how the internet has given us community where before there was none, for some of us. Thank you all for your good work.

Sheryl Sandberg wrote in her book “Lean In”, that “done is better than perfect”. Meaning, that nothing is perfect and there is never a perfect decision. And trying to find the perfect solution can take the rest of your life. Accepting that and practicing it is another matter! But I agree with Marie that you have the tools and intuition to make most of your business and personal decisions. Accept the fact that some of your decisions are more successful than others.

Hello Andra.
I know you are talking to Marie up there in your comment, but since your comment just happened to be just above mine, I’ve come to say hi.

I feel your comment has an unpleasant ring to it, but I think you speak the truth and from your heart.

Given the nature of “dialing your real wisdom”, your question “How exactly?” is a question that each and every individual is responsible to face and to answer for themselves. Especially if you claim to expecting a serious segment.

Audra, this episode shared 3 steps that can really help with owning the decision-making process to make the best decision for you (not what someone else thinks is best for you).

It’s not easy stuff though, and I understand you wanting more how-to. I’m including two episodes below that dive in to the building blocks of intuition work. Hopefully those will help you get more of the “how,” and as you feel a stronger sense of your own inner knowing, then the advice shared in this week’s episode will be more like icing on that cake you’re building.

For me to be comfortable with my own decisions, I need to
1. Make time to think it over
This means if there is pressure to be quick with coming up with the answer (as it so often is) I push that pressure away, ask myself how much time I want to think it over, and negotiate for that time.
2. Write it all out
I get out my pen and notebook and write it all out. It’s very good to get your own thinking process out where it can be seen and reviewed. It is the best way to find the flaw in your own thinking, and also the best way to find where you excel. The freedom of pen on paper is best. Use color, drawings, charts or musical scores along with your words – anything and everything to really let it all flow out.
3. Go get the missing information
Most times, there is a lack of knowledge of the thing in question that makes decision making impossible.
4. Say, “What ever may be the result, I will give it my best.”
Write out the best and the worst that may happen as the result of each decision in question. Know that all in between or anything beyond may happen. Promise to yourself and the world to give your best self in any case.
5. Decide and go for it
Enough said. Time for action. Best wishes to all concerned!

It’s both fun and productive to give each decision making project a title in step 5. In the process of coming up with a title, I become clear and focused on what is important.

This works for me.

The most difficult step seems to be step one, negotiating for time. It is too late to start thinking by the time there is pressure to make a decision quickly. I’m not that wise, it is the most difficult thing to make a good decision without plenty of time. I’ve learned that’s why it is a must to grasp questions and face decision making while the urgency is still subtle. Then there is plenty of time to think, feel, research, and decide. And to savor the whole process on the way.

Gather wisdom from some, but eventually there needs to be a decision. Some people probably go too far and spend so much time gathering info that they suffer paralysis of analysis but at minimum gather some wisdom from a few people because one person’s heart still has a lot to learn… besides, Marie, you wouldn’t have a job if people didn’t seek out the great counsel you so often give. 🙂 So I disagree on making all decisions alone, but I agree that at some point (sometimes sooner than later!) you have to decide and have confidence to move forward.

Great points, James – thanks so much for adding your voice to the conversation!

While it’s important to prevent that “analysis paralysis” by not consulting with TOO many people, you’re spot on that it can be incredibly valuable to seek the thoughts of others while making decisions.

We mentioned not talking to other people in this episode, as the woman who wrote in was getting stuck by asking too many people, but we’re of course definitely big fans of collaboration and bouncing ideas off of other people too! 🙂

One day I’m going to meet you and work with you. I want to be apart of your team! For now I’m going to work as hard as I can to learn and grow so I can find a way to catch your eye!!! I will make my dream cone true. I read a quote that said the people that change the world are people that are crazy enough to believe it they can.

One day I’m going to meet you and work with you. I want to be apart of your team! For now I’m going to work as hard as I can to learn and grow so I can find a way to catch your eye!!! I will make my dream come true. I read a quote that said: “The people that change the world are people that are crazy enough to believe that they can.”

Learning to listen to my intuition and help my clients do the same has been the #1 most valuable tool to making decisions. Without it, we flail about and are at the mercy of the strongest energy, which could be a strong opinion from a friend, the media or our family.

A great mantra I like to use that you all may find helpful is:
“It is safe for me to trust my inner guidance and I am always shown the next right action in this situation.”

Would you like a free resource to help you distinguish between the voice of the Ego and the true voice of your intuition? Email me from my site and I’ll send it to you guys! http://www.dianadorell.com/contact (just put in there Marie Forleo blog so I know it’s you!)

I love this advice …thank you! I think we also have to increase our self-forgiveness muscle reps. I’ll only speak for myself, but when I make a mistake that sucks..in a BIG way. I doubt my decisions after. If I can shift perspectives and find self forgiveness it helps me jump into my decider once again!

Kit, I absolutely agree. Defining failure in a reasonable way, and forgiving yourself are huge pieces to the puzzle.

I’m not sure if you’ve seen this episode already or not, but I love Marie’s interview with Dr. Cathy on 4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback. It has some really good “reframing tips” in it — here’s the link:

Hi Marie,
I’m a 23 year old aspiring entrepreneur from Mumbai,India. I came across your website a couple of months ago and instantly became a huge fan. Love your advice and the humorous touch you add to it. You’re absolutely awesome and I make it a point to not miss any of your videos. As always, brilliant advice. Hope I can meet you and your amazing team someday!

Great episode Marie! Although I don’t struggle with the confidence of making and following through on my decisions, I do worry about what people will think of my decisions. I try to take comfort in knowing that opinions are like hiney holes…everyone’s got one 😉 I often will feel self conscious and question my motives, reasons, process etc. Oh well! I guess we live and learn

I hear you, Jessa – that’s my problem too! Your note reminded me of one of our other MarieTV episodes that I like to keep in mind myself when I get stuck in that self-conscious place too, so I thought I might share it for a few nuggets of wisdom:

I loved this video. I’ve always done the survey thing. A few years ago, a strange thing happened – I “surveyed” everyone, family & friends, and everyone said to “do it”, though I think I did the survey because this decision seemed like the grown up choice, but I knew it was not the best choice in the long run. When I would talk about it, I would get this odd shivering – real shivers, like when you’re freezing cold. I did do it, and it did not turn out well at all. Ever since then, on certain big decisions, I would sometimes get that shivering happening, even though I wasn’t expecting it to occur. It seems to be something deep inside saying, don’t do it!

Sometimes you are scared you are going to hurt somebody’s feelings if you make a decision, that is why you ask them what they think. I have learned to do what I need to do without consulting the whole world. If your decision works out for the best everybody is happy, if not, you have learned a lot by making a mistake.

I have a quick question for you, in so many of your introduction interviews about the upcoming B School alot of times I hear you use the words you got to where you are amongst other things using “A lot of hustle” this can mean so many things to different people so I thought I would be brave and ask perhaps a very obvious question of : What do you mean by your interpretation of using a lot of hustle ?

Hi Maria! For me it meant a lot of hard work, often 7 days a week, and a lot of odd jobs. (bartending, waiting tables, cleaning other people’s houses, etc.) Trying and experimenting a lot. Taking risks and never stopping until I was able to achieve my goals!

The other day one of my colleagues said to me that in the beginning of a project you always have a lot of decisions to make BUT not a lot of information to base these decisions on. Then, when the project is comming to an end, ironically, you have few decisions to make BUT all the information that you need… So I guess we just sometimes have to make decisions and hope for the best and, well, go easy on ourself if some of these decisions turns out to be “wrong”!

He Thit, Why is your company not SMART enough, let us say the HRM department, or the colleagues that hir you guys are not capable of getting the right person on the job.

Look at our talented Marie , she does not blame anyone for her choices or decisions that she makes and she does not drag anyone into the Mud with her, neither spending the companies money that is not hers while she has figured out that she was NOT the best person for the job.

There are so many talented and way more experienced people, why don’t your colleagues hire them, are they blind or deaf maybe ? Soo many people nowadays are not doing their job right. Marie just admitted the truth.

And now we all learn alot , thanks to her. The right woman for the right job.

Now this topic hits home…listening to my own inner wisdom was not something that came naturally for me…I learned it over time. It was a muscle I had to consciously exercise…stop the addiction for approval seeking – that is crazy making stuff.
My opinion – We each have an inner voice that knows what’s best for only us…we need to take the time to listen and practice trusting it…on the small everyday decisions…so we can then trust ourselves to make the Big Ones!

Happy Women’s Herstory Month! You are one of several women that I follow and talk about weekly for making a difference in my life. This topic is exactly what I was praying about earlier today. I have so many ideas and it seems that as soon as I get excited about one of them, here comes another one, which naturally makes me feel like I have no control over my decisions. When that happens, I get my “clipboard” out and start polling my friends and family to help provide direction. What I realized listening to you today is that what I have been doing is making it worse. I don’t trust myself which is why I “poll” and today while listening to you talk about intuition and inner wisdom, what is worse, I trust them less. Boing, getting off this ride was impossible as long as I let other people decide rather than trusting myself more. Even if I make a mistake, I will have usable data to help fine tune the next decision.

Thanks for your brilliance, the light is shining way over here and I am catching the rays.

Hi Marie,
It is a Tuesday.. oddly I am watching this.. Unless you make this every Tuesday. Anyhow…
Tight and right – Humm.
I wrote to you yesterday about being patient with myself. So, I was chatting with a friend about being here and I said somewhat jokingly that … What the duck why is that I am the only person who is hiring me… He said maybe you can explore that.
I said, ” what start my own business”. He said, “Yeah, explore it…. the conversation went on and I was feeling alright about it. Then I asked my Bf about what he thought, :He said – said babe – I love you .. but you have a lot going on and you are all over the place… Eek.

He was honest with me..This being said — I feel it as well… but something is calling at me. Saying “Start your own business.. build your business, make it a success” . EEEKK

Stephen, thank you so much for watching this episode and sharing your thoughts. If you’re interested in creating a business, we have some incredible content about building a business and life you love, so feel free to explore our MarieTV library anytime.

I found this interesting as I’m often told that I’m indecisive (I TOTALLY relate to not knowing what to pick on a menu, ha!)

But….on the other hand, I’ve also made much more crazy decisions without much thought that my peers would have never thought of doing. Be it reaching out to prestigious strangers, moving to Tokyo, attending unusual events…it seems that the ones that are clearly life changing or where there’s “nothing to lose” are the ones that I don’t need help making decisions on.

I think that’s the main factor – feeling like there’s something to lose.

I feel that since I live as an expat and I’m also an entrepreneur, making decisions is tougher when there are not so many people doing the same thing. It’s hard to envision how your life will be without some kind of reference in the decision making. And that’s why reaching out is something I wind up turning to.

Love this video, Marie – and your singin’. 🙂 I looked this one up for my 12 year old daughter, who literally explodes over making decisions (screaming “I don’t make decisions” and kicking like a toddler in a tantrum). I’m sharing it with her so she can dial up her own Inner Wisdom. Thanks!

Hi Connie! Really glad you enjoyed this video and Marie’s singing, too 🙂 How wonderful of you to share this with your daughter who struggles with decision-making. We love hearing that! I’ve also found this episode particularly helpful when it comes to balancing your intuition and logic to make wise decisions: https://www.marieforleo.com/2016/01/logic-vs-intuition/.

Hope these help her, and thank you so much for being in our community!

Get a minder, failing that someone sensible who can give you some moral support. Never make important decisions alone, take your minder with you so that you have their physical presence with you not just their opinion over the phone or coffee etc. Same advice that’s widely available on the net etc. when buying a car or house, take someone with you, trust me it works, learned this the hard way and been burned too many times.

Hi there, this video was so useful to me. I did not know that little things can make such difference. I think it is a very bad habit asking for help in making decisions and I am ready to change that. Thanks Marie!

Sometimes jumping into making decisions cold turkey can lead to frustration because if you goof up, you start to feel guilty. Practice getting to know yourself – what kinds of things do you like and don’t like. And keep it simple. People watch. Think “I like that” or “I don’t like that”. It’s simple and it will build that clarity to find out who you are. Then go watch a movie and don’t stress over it. Eventually, you’ll start to feel those “ohhh! I want this” feeling and not only will you not question yourself, no amount of questioning from others will persuade you to change your decision because you’ll know it’s the right one for you.

Great ideas, Marie!
I read quite a few of the posts and for the people who say no-way to asking for input, there’s a way to structure that experience to make it positive. Instead of just asking someone in my network, “What do you think of [my idea]?” I lay out my current plan in a summary with pros and cons. Then I ask them if they see any pros that I missed. If they are positive in their response, I’ll go on to ask them to play devil’s advocate and tell me what cons they see. If they can’t give any positive feedback, I end the topic and move on to something else.
Often times, my devil’s advocates are my biggest helpers, but I’m blessed because I have one or two people who I can count on to give feedback in a positive, uplifting way, even though the info might be a con instead of a pro.
As people give me feedback, I listen to my gut. It can tell me what I really want by whether it feels warm & happy or tied in a knot.
The bottom line is, analyze the situation first, ask for feedback on your pros and cons, not for advice, and make the final decision yourself.

For years I called myself indecisive, someone who didn’t have routine or couldn’t decide what daily habits were best for me. I found Gretchen Rubin’s “Four Tendencies” quiz SO HELPFUL and it has given me another way to look at my ability to follow inner expectations or goals (deciding on action) and outer expectations (the way I respond to being bossed around.) Upon taking the quiz and realizing I was a “rebel” type, I was able to see my need to be able to subvert what it directly given to me (even by myself) and make it my own and fresh and new. There are tons of other things I learned from this quiz so if you haven’t tried it- do! It’s free! Hope someone else gets as much insight into their decision making and resistance as I did.

For me this is a bit complicated. I only struggle with making decisions in certain areas of life. This mainly applies to big decisions that involve matters of the heart (relationships, emotions, etc), and small insignificant things like which candle scent to buy (in which I resort to en meeny miny moe). I often find myself struggling to make the decision for fear of making the wrong choice. I know this fear is a false illusion, but yet it still holds me back. So I often find myself seeking outside influence to either sway me in a particular direction, or for someone to make the decision for me. I don’t have this problem when it comes business or other big life decisions, which is weird. I also know that all the answers I need are within and all I have to do is “dial in”. However, even though I know this I still don’t take the time to do so.