The Perfect Valentine’s Day Gift Without Spending Money

As far back as I can remember, I have always hated Valentine’s Day. I have either been single or gotten dumped on Cupid’s stupid holiday, so it’s understandable that I have come to find February 14th as just another day.

After being with my wife for seven years, I broke down last year and bought her a diamond necklace. Today when we had our morning chat as she drove to work, she reminded me of the shiny rock I got her last year. She then asked what I was planning for her this year. I told her I would write her another poem like the one I read to her on the air for our most recent anniversary.

So instead of spending a dime on candy that she won’t share or flowers that’ll be dead in a day or two, I figure that the perfect gift for her on this most horrible of holidays would be to relive the effort and emotion that I poured into that poem. The great thing about our relationship is that we enjoy messing with people, but especially each other.

On the morning of our anniversary last August, I told Rod and Erin that I wrote her a “heart-felt” poem, and asked if I could read it to her on the air. They had no idea that I was about to get both of them involved in one of the best pranks I ever pulled off.

My wife knew ahead of time what I was up to, but she was the only one. I read her the most sarcastic, mean-spirited poem I have ever written. Rod and Erin were shocked at what I wrote, but even more shocked when my wife called the station and we had a little spat live on the air. To this day, I still have listeners calling me a first-class jerk, because they have no idea that it was all in good fun. My wife and I still laugh about it!

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