I'm not a hater, in fact I love reading people's inspirational/heart-wrenching/gut-check/hilarious/stupid blogs.

It's just that those are SO RARE.

Okay, I'm a hater. Of some things.

Here's what I think is "mailing it in" as a runner and as a writer.

If your blog filled solely with

Your top five holiday cocktail recipes.

Your description of running that day, which is nothing more than a description of the course and how you feel.

Your review of the glitzy hair clip that someone sent to you to review.

...Then you might be a runblog redneck.

Here's an actual quotation from an actual blog post on the actual internet:

"...I’ll be at my parents’ house. I think that to get in my 12 miler, I may have to circle the town twice. Should be interesting."

No, it's not interesting. That was not at all interesting, and the rest of the post was just like it. Just because you put the word interesting somewhere in your blog did not make it interesting.

Caveat: of course it's okay to say stuff like that. Many of my sentences are normal. Like that one. Or that one. But not all your stuff should sound like that. When it does, you're in trouble.

Now I know that blogging isn't exactly curing cancer. Neither is writing. (Spoiler alert: only curing cancer is curing cancer, and that's tough to do even in today's day and age.) But there is a certain level of interest that we expect as readers. It's damnably difficult to maintain any kind of readership if your posts are like watching paint dry. On a webpage.

Not coincidentally, here is a game where you can watch paint dry. What's your high score? Mine is 2.

In all fairness, we gravitate towards what we want. If you want to see a vegetarian's healthy ways to get through the holiday using only soybean cookies, then hey, power to you. If you like reading how my ankle is holding up today and whether or not that hill seemed hard this time and what's my new PR for this course, well, power to you. If you actually like watching paint dry, well I suppose there is a japanese fetish chatroom dedicated to paint drying somewhere.

True story: On my first draft I typed watching "pain dry." Now there is almost definitely a japanese fetish chatroom dedicated to that. I'm not searching for it, and I'm not linking. You sickos find that stuff on your own time.

Call me old-fashioned. I like things that seem genuinely interesting, and which took more than your skinny legs and a laptop and 10 minutes to conceive of.

OMG I went through a lot of blogs to find those gems. A lot of really terrible stuff. A lot of dead links. A lot of boredom. A lot of people who think selfies are an art, and running selfies are necessary for everything they do. You're welcome.

And finally: I can hate all I want, but that doesn't change the world. If you're the "dress for success" runner and you get free swag to review and people lap it up and buy their lululemon size minus 4's and put them on because you recommended it and you're getting paid, then who gives a flip what that angry old man thinks? Respect. If you write a cookbook of Sweet Larry's 101 recipes for runners and go on the now-defunct Oprah Winfrey show(that would be a trick), then who's laughing now sucka?

I'm sort of anarchical that way. I included a recipe in my book. For cold oatmeal. Both because a) I actually like cold oatmeal and b) the whole idea of having a recipe in a book seemed absolutely silly, so that's how I wrote it. "How much oatmeal? I don't know. a bit. I'm not a chemist." That kinda thing. People like what they like, and if you like recipes you probably won't like my book. Whatevs. We carve our own place in the world. This post is about the carving, and what I think is "art," and what I think is drivel.

So now you know a bit more about me than I intended.

Oh hey, if this strikes a note of agreement, or maybe think I'm a butt-head and you need more butt-heads in your life(WHO DOESN'T), you can subscribe to this blog. it's on the right side.

You have no idea how much that made my day. I mean, anyone who retweets a post containing grody feet photos is alright in my book.

I too, am hating on most of the sponsored posts lately. I see your crotchety rant on sponsored posts, and I raise you a crotchety rant on "ambassador teams." A trend I see lately are offerings of "ambassador teams" for bloggers, where I have to apply to be accepted and then pay a fee to join. Wait...what? I have to pay YOU to help market YOUR brand? (To be fair, most larger corporate ambassador teams do not have a joining fee; it's the bloggers trying to build their brand doing this.) End rant.

I just write when I feel like writing. I would totally fail at any sponsored post deadlines, anyway. Thanks again for the shout out. RUN ON!

I wanted to let you know of an opportunity. You can be part of the Re-Run Ambassador team - at least, I think I can get you an invite - for a limited time. The entry fee is only $100k. I'll submit you to our ambassadorial staff. <fingers crossed>

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