February 14, 2007

This week, photos of the half-boy half-dog emerged on the underground news site youwontbelievethisshit.com currently all that is known about Little Caesar, is he was born in Venezuela and bears a striking resemblence to President Hugo Chavez!

Astronaut/obsessed lover, Lisa Nowak has just signed a million dollar endorsement deal with “Depends”, to promote their new “more absorbent” briefs and tout their new slogan, “Why Trust A Diaper…When You Can Count on Depends?”

In a surprise news conference, Donald Trump announced that he was ending his feud with Rosie O’Donnell. He said , “I want to say I’m sorry…I’m sorry, you’re such a bitch!”, then turned and walked away.

When she walked into Justin Timberlake’s after Grammy party, Paris Hilton looked so stunning, she sucked the air out of the room!

It’s been made official…If you’re half black and half Jewish you’re allowed to use “YO!” and “OY!” in the same sentence.

Former child star, Howdy Doody, has formed an exploritory committee, in a run for the White House. The former victim of abuse has vowed that no one will ever pull his strings again! Supporters seem to be mesmerized by his boyish charm and refreshing honesty, when he says, “I’m one politician who can’t be bought…only rented or leased!”

After a publicity stunt went wrong and caused multiple bomb scares in Boston last week,CEO Jim Samples, “split” from the Cartoon Network to run the Acme Novelty company. “Finally, I can promote anvils, giant hammers and sticks of dynamite, without the FCC breathing down my neck!”

Tim Burton’s latest film for Disney, a musical based on the the Hillside Strangler, “Fuck ‘Em If They Can’t Take A Choke”, has been pulled from general release after receiving the dreaded Quadruple XXXX rating from the MPAA! This means that under the new motion picture rating system, absolutely no one of any age is allowed to see it!