Monthly Archives: July 2015

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As the lone pink flower stands out amongst the others, how much more is it valued?

“Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth”

Unknown

This statement is amazingly simple and powerfully true. Are we willing, or able to embrace it?

What is our value? What does the word value mean? Here are a few definitions: Having worth or merit; of great significance or value; being honorable or admirable; having incalculable monetary, intellectual or spiritual worth.

Who determines what is valuable and what is not? Is it our mother, our father, our significant other, peers, co-workers, friends, neighbors, what about the mailman? Does it really matter in the scheme of things what others think or how they value our worth? Perhaps it does, or perhaps not.

Our number one basic need centers around our survival. Our second basic need is love and belonging. While our mother is caring for us it is important she loves and values our existence. In my profession, I recognize not all mothers have a strong instinct to protect and care for their off spring. Many prefer to dispose of, or neglect their babies.

Many do not have a sound mind, others may choose to put their own needs before the child. Therefore, many grow up with low self-esteem from neglect and abuse and cannot comprehend that they are valuable in any way.

It is good news when we can take to heart the reality our value does not depend on or decrease due to someone else’s inability to see our worth. For many, the pain of abuse and rejection over many years has created tremendous emotional scars.

As a heart mender specialist I have seen many lives transformed and relationships healed as those who were hurting came to understand that their value is never in question. We are all created with amazing abilities to love and learn and share life together as we journey together in this adventure we call life. May we all remind each other of the fact life is good and we appreciate the privilege to be able to share it moment by moment.

I hear many people say, “Believe in yourself” when we are attempting to do something new. We are to be risk takers if we desire to see changes in our lives. How many times are we asked to take a leap of faith? Believe in the impossible and just go for it! That all sounds good but what does it really mean? Is it wise to jump out of the boat and expect to walk on water? Perhaps not at this time. What are we suppose to believe when we live in a culture that thrives in the extreme? With everything fast paced and demanding, shall we run as fast as we can, competing against all odds?

I agree we need to believe in ourselves and have a healthy self-esteem. It is my opinion we also need to believe in something greater than ourselves. Although we are continually maturing, we will always have more room for improvement.

It is not wise to compare ourselves among ourselves, there will always be those better and those worse than we are. That is good news! There is no one exactly like us, we are one of a kind. We are all an original art piece, unique and individually made. We can celebrate our authentic voice, embrace the beauty of life within, and accept the fact each day is a gift to enjoy. While we have the opportunity to express ourselves let us use our voice to contribute to others by sharing our hope, joy and peace.

Let us have confidence knowing we are free to be all that we are created to be. I encourage each of us to believe in ourselves; we have been given many gifts and talents that are awesome and like no other.

Now the question stands; “Are we willing to take a risk and share the gifts we have been given”? I am believing for great breakthroughs and freedom like never before for each of us as we explore life’s adventures in every realm of life.

As a Professor I am required to spend a certain number of hours lecturing and instructing students for a variety of psychology courses. As a guest teacher in elementary or high schools, I deal with whatever subject matter needed for that particular classroom. Even when working as a mental health professional, I need to instruct clients as well as ask questions. Once I do so, I can find key answers to help diagnose the client’s challenges and needs.

In whatever realm I working in, and when off duty, I have found this statement to be true. “It is important to take time to be quiet”. The fact is we can not listen well when we are talking. I realize it is difficult at times to be still and hear what is being taught. Yet we know, as busy as we are, and as noisy as the world is, the importance of taking time to be quiet is critical for peace of mind. Is that reality being forgotten? The choice is up to us. What do we believe, do we need permission to take time to be quiet?

Shall we join the noisy crowd, contributing by making even more sounds, or shall we take time to be quiet and hear the sounds of natures gentle breeze, and birds singing contently in the trees? Can we hear the whisper of a still small voice calling us to surrender to the peaceful walk found only in the secret place when we are quiet? Is it time to listen? Can we, shall we, take time to be quiet? The choice is ours.

While working with children one day, I walked through the hallway at their school. I am not sure what originally drew my attention to the bulletin board, yet I found myself stopping to take note of the words that were written on a piece of paper posted there.

“I am only one, but still I am one. I can do somethings. And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” Helen Keller

These words penetrated my heart. Helen overcame many obstacles in her life and succeeded in ways I will never know. She was born deaf and blind, yet she was able to show others how she made powerful choices to live her life to the fullest.

What is the ‘something’ we can do? I am practicing being present and consciously living in the now. I must be able to focus on the one thing I need to accomplish while living within my limitations. One of the ways I can do that is accepting the things I can not change and change the things I can. The key is to have the wisdom to know the difference.

I often ask myself, “What difference do I make”? What does it matter if I am a good counselor, writer, teacher, artist, if I work really hard or not at all? Does it matter? What difference do we all make?

While contemplating Helen’s quote and what she was stating, I realize the questions I was asking myself were being answered.

It is true, I cannot do everything, yet I like Helen will not refuse to do the “something” that I can do. If I am able to help others by relieving their stress, reducing anxiety, or lifting their spirits I will have been successful. It is my hope that in doing so, I may contribute in the lives of others while making a positive difference.

Every day we hear another story, it is usually about something tragic or negative in one way or the other. What can we do to help create another story? How can we contribute to this mass body of information and communication in a way that will make a positive difference?

We all need to believe in ourselves, even if no one else does. To do so, let’s embrace our authentic voice that desires to be expressed in some creative format. There are many who are great story tellers and must write for others to enjoy their thoughts. Some people love to write music lyrics so that they can touch the heart and soul of man.

What burns within our soul? Do we have any personal passion left? What are the gifts and talents we possess? Do they lie hidden or buried under the cares of the world? With the negative media streaming continual bad news it is difficult to know what is the truth?

If we choose to look, we can see the beauty of color, the variety of life, and the amazing creations that surround us day by day. We actually can celebrate life with appreciation for all the good things. We are responsible for our input as well as output in life.

Let us begin making a positive difference in the world we live in. As we make good choices and practice communicating with others, sharing positive views of life, we can plant seeds of life, love, and hope in the hearts of others.

When we hear the question, “Now What”?, let it be because people are hearing about the difference we are making for this hurting negative world.

Where do I belong? Who do I think I am ? How many times have we asked ourselves these seemingly simple questions? Are they really simple? How does someone actually answer these? What do they mean?

For example: Do you feel like you belong in the physical place where you are currently lodging? When asking these questions, one must decide if they are referring to external or internal living?

Does the word ‘belong’ relate to a geographical location, group, or class setting? Is this question being asked to seek answers to address our need to belong from within?

The next question may be the internal quest we have regarding our purpose in life, our calling, our destiny.

There are many questions in life that may be answered by others concerning our identity. Only we can know the true meaning as where we really belong and who we are.

It is amazing experience when we accept the fact that no one else may answer these questions for us, even if they think they can.

When we recognize that fact, we will accept the responsibility and freedom to answer these questions for ourselves, with or without others permission and/or approval.

It is my calling, for those requesting my assistance, to help them to find their own unique and authentic voice. To help them embrace their identity, pursue their passion, and openly declare who they truly are.

As they receive their own revelations, recognize where they belong and what is their passion and true identity, a powerful joy and strength begins to build deep within their soul.The truth sets them free to be all they were created to be.

Lastly, I become their favorite cheer leader, encouraging them from the sidelines as they run their race. With a new boldness, powerful self-confidence, and a spring in their step, they walk forward into their future with clear insight and bright expectations.

There are times in life when we may feel we have nothing left to give. Our passion for life has disappeared, our motivation to accomplish any thing is non-existent. Whatever drive we had is completely stopped as if someone applied the emergency brake with no release button. What do we do when there is a death to our dreams, a loss of any desire?

Do we just keep moving, going through the motions to get along or survive? Although we are smiling on the outside, we are dying on the inside, as we face the fact we are not being true to ourselves. A time comes when we may need to talk to others about these experiences. Ironically, at the time we need to talk the most, it may be the time we choose to isolate and internalize our feelings and emotions.

What is buried alive stays alive. Is there something within us that needs to come to the surface to be healed? Time spent talking with a trusted friend, pastor, or a professional as myself can provide insight, encouragement, direction and hope. We all have stories to tell. Unfortunately, we all do not have someone who is willing to listen.

As a Heart Mender Specialist I am trained in multiple professions. Having been Doctoral trained in Clinical Psychology, Life Coach, Consultant, with a Masters in Counseling Psychology, IMFT, with and additional degree in Organizational Leadership, and currently teaching as a Professor of Psychology, provides a tremendously wide variety of tools and skills.

Therefore I purposefully combine and create custom made and tailored fit services for each client. This website is being created to provide a safe place for comments, with the ability to share individual thoughts that I in turn will respond. More importantly, this is a touch point for those who desire to further engage in my services through the electronic media or Skype. How may I be of help?

There are times in life when we find ourselves having high expectations, only to experience painful disappointments. What do we do when our hopes are dashed? What can we say when our desires were dismissed and our dreams crushed? Living in a world that is filled with many challenges, it is not hard to find those who would declare that they have broken hearts. Relationships shredded from the pain of infidelity, or finances lost through bad choices or gambling are just a few of the destructive forces in our society today. The loss of a loved one through an unexpected death, a divorce, or just relationships drifting apart, they have the same consequence or end result. A broken heart feels like it will never heal. There is a faulty belief system producing the thoughts there no hope of enjoying life or having any happiness ever again. It is true, the pain is incredible, and the thought process is faulty thinking in many ways. As a Heart Mender Specialist I can testify things can and do change for the better. One of the first steps is to begin writing (journaling) on a daily basis to help process some of the thoughts that are bombarding our minds. In addition, it is very beneficial to contact someone who is trustworthy as well as confidential. Once that is set in place, one can begin talking about circumstances that led up to the challenges at hand. This can be a trusted friend, pastor, counselor, life coach, or like myself; one trained as a Heart Mender Specialist. The good news is that there is hope and healing available for those who are hurting. Negative stigmas are created that stimulate shame or fear if someone desires to get counseling. It is my desire to assist in making a paradigm shift, from thinking about mental health problems to thinking how to be healthy mentally. My job is to assist in the exposure of faulty belief systems that set us up for failure. In addition, I will reframe unhealthy mindsets to begin the healing process while watching others grow to their fullest potential in peace and happiness.

What we are rooted in affects the matters of our heart. Are we stable, grounded and enjoying the life we are living? The soil we are planted in determines the type of fruit we bring forth in our lives. Will we produce shelter and beauty for those we love or will we be barren, without leaves and withering away?

Who can we look to for nourishment and care to be sure we are healthy and strong? Who do we trust for such intimate needs of our soul? These are the questions we must answer with total confidence.

We can not be healthy and sustained in an environment of bitterness and resentment, hostility and anger. We must guard our heart, lest a root of bitterness enter and defile many. There is power in forgiveness, mercy and grace.

When we walk in that power we are free to be healthy and whole. Isn’t it time we let our roots grow deep in the fulness of love? In doing so we will discover who we are truly destined to become.