Fairfax County, Va., middle school student Hal Beaulieu hopped up from his lunch table one day a few months ago, sat next to his girlfriend and slipped his arm around her shoulder. That landed him a trip to the school office.

Among his crimes: hugging.

All touching — not only fighting or inappropriate touching — is against the rules at Kilmer Middle School in Vienna. Hand-holding, handshakes and high-fives? Banned. The rule has been conveyed to students this way: “NO PHYSICAL CONTACT!!!!!”

School officials say the rule helps keep crowded hallways and lunchrooms safe and orderly, and ensures that all students are comfortable. Hal, 13, and his parents think the school’s hands-off approach goes too far, and they are lobbying for a change.

“I think hugging is a good thing,” said Hal, a seventh-grader, just before the school year ended. “I put my arm around her. It was like for 15 seconds. I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

A Fairfax schools spokesman said there is no countywide ban like the one at Kilmer, but many middle schools and some elementary schools have similar “keep your hands to yourself” rules. Officials in Arlington, Loudoun and Prince George’s counties said their schools prohibit inappropriate touching and disruptive behavior but don’t forbid all contact.

Deborah Hernandez, Kilmer’s principal, said the rule makes sense in a school built for 850 students but housing 1,100. She said students should have personal space protected and many lack the maturity to understand what is acceptable or welcome.

“You get into shades of gray,” Hernandez said. “The kids say, ‘If he can high-five, then I can do this.'”

She has seen a poke escalate into a fight and a handshake that is a gang sign. Some students — and these are friends — play “bloody knuckles,” which involves slamming their knuckles together as hard as they can. Counselors have heard from girls who are uncomfortable hugging boys but embarrassed to tell anyone. In a culturally diverse school, officials say, families might have different views of what is appropriate.

Typically, she said, only repeat offenders or those breaking other rules are reprimanded. “You have to have an absolute rule with students, and wiggle room and good judgment on behalf of the staff,” Hernandez said.

Hal’s parents, Donna and Henri, say they think Kilmer is a good school and their son is thriving there. He earns A’s and B’s and, before this incident, hadn’t gotten in any trouble. Still, they say they encourage hugging at home and have taught him to shake hands when he meets someone. They agree teenagers need to have clear limits but don’t want their son to get the message that physical contact is bad.

Henri Beaulieu has written a letter to the county School Board asking it to review the rule.

“How do kids learn what’s right and what’s wrong?” Henri Beaulieu asked. “They are all smart kids, and they can draw lines. If they cross them, they can get in trouble. But I don’t think it would happen too often.” Henri Beaulieu has written a letter to the county School Board asking it to review the rule. Hal’s troubles began one day in March when he got up from his assigned cafeteria table and went to a nearby table where his then-girlfriend was sitting. He admits he broke one rule — getting up from his assigned table without permission — and he accepts a reprimand for that. “The table thing, I’m guilty,” he said.

A school security officer spotted the hug and sent Hal to the office, where he was cited for two infractions. He was warned that a third misstep could lead to in-school suspension or detention.

School officials said the girl didn’t complain and they have no reason to believe the hug was unwelcome.

Hal said he and his classmates understand when and how it is appropriate to hug or pat someone on the back in school and that most teen-agers respect boundaries set by their peers.

“I think you should be able to shake hands, high-five and maybe a quick hug,” he said. “Making out goes too far.”