More than Manichewitz: What Does a Jewish Wedding Look Like, Anyway?

I never grew up envisioning my wedding. It wasn't like I had a dress picked out at 12 years old. But if you asked me when I was a kid, "what will your wedding look like?" I probably would have said, "um, I'll wear a white dress, and I'll walk down the aisle, and they'll play, 'here comes the brid...

I never grew up envisioning my wedding. It wasn’t like I had a dress picked out at 12 years old. But if you asked me when I was a kid, “what will your wedding look like?” I probably would have said, “um, I’ll wear a white dress, and I’ll walk down the aisle, and they’ll play, ‘here comes the bride,” and at some point someone will step on a glass, and everyone will cheer, and there will be a big cake.”

Almost none of that stuff is Jewish. How did all of that get into my head? I grew up with two Jewish parents and a lot of Jewish friends, but apparently I have no idea what a Jewish wedding looks like.

Here’s what I’m learning: We don’t need an aisle. We don’t actually need a rabbi, either. In fact, we don’t even need the white dress! (If only I had known that before, I might have saved myself some money…) However, we do need a glass to step on, and we need to make a lot of decisions regarding our adherence to Jewish tradition within the ceremony and within our married life. For instance, will we have a chuppah? Of course. Will Suzie, as the more seemingly “masculine” of the two of us, purchase me from my family? Probably not. Will we do the chair dance at the reception? Sure, sounds great! Will Suzie wear a kittel, the traditional white garment that Jews wear when getting married, on Yom Kippur, and when they’re buried? …I’m not sure I want to kiss someone wearing a burial shroud. It kind of freaks me out. What about all those traditional blessings that say questionably offensive things, like about how we’re not supposed to have sex before we get married and not supposed to have gay sex? …I dunno. I’m not really one to skip blessings, but I guess we can’t in good faith leave them as is. Can we change the words? Should we?

There are so many decisions! And there are so many things I didn’t know about Jewish weddings! It’s a little intimidating, but I like that I have the chance to learn so much right now.

For instance, did you know that the chuppah is supposed to represent the home that the couple will make together? And there’s something on the wikipedia page about the four sides representing how Abraham’s tent was open on four sides and thus open and hospitable to all… I like that.

Here’s to learning about tradition, boundaries, and love.–Gevurah sheba Chesed.