Facts, Theories, And Information on Female
Sexuality

Female
Sexuality Facts aims to explore the sexual anatomy, behavior and psychology
of women, with comments from an experienced female sexual therapist.

She
selects questions from her readers and supplies the answers as a Q & A
section on some of the pages of this site.

The social and sexual
context of the physical aspects of female sexuality are also explored.

The first section of the site, which you
can find below, is all about Women's Sexual Anatomy. Advice on how to help
a woman achieve orgasm - that's advice for men, and in
particular, advice about making orgasm more pleasurable for a woman - is
available
here.

Culture & Sexuality

We take a lot of things about female sexuality for granted, but it's
also true that there are many aspects of female sexuality which are a
mystery to men – and possibly to women as well. Also we talk about how a
woman can make a man fall in love - and if you don't currently believe
that's possible, then prepare to be surprised about
what
women can do in this area of love and relationships!

For example, have you any idea why a woman in a secure relationship (marriage being top of the list here),
seems to "go off" sex? Or at least no longer finds it as important as it was before the relationship was
"confirmed"?

Does this mean that women have unrealistic expectations of sex, or does it
mean that men have unrealistic expectations of female sexuality?

And what's the truth around woman's sex drive, and who defines what actually
is "normal" when it comes to making love?

Or is it that female sexuality is somehow
oppressed by cultural
expectations and male sexual behavior? These are questions that are
important to establish equality between the sexes, so we should just briefly
look at a few of these issues to see if we can get any clear ideas about
what determines the expression of female sexuality in our society.

To start with, there's no question that sexuality – both male and
female sexuality – is culturally determined, at least to some degree.

For example until a hundred years ago women were not regarded as having
the potential to reach orgasm and/or the capacity to enjoy it if they did.
Furthermore, a woman who enjoyed sex and expressed an interest in
obtaining sexual pleasure could be diagnosed with mental illness.

In the context of such oppression of female sexuality, it's no surprise
that we are at a loss to understand what constitutes healthy female
sexuality in our society today.

One of the major influences on female sexuality – and male sexuality,
for that matter – is the media.

If you are overweight, you probably
want a solution. Let's face it, men often do not want to
make love to an overweight woman. In any case, why would
you so disrespect yourself as to allow your body to
become obese, offering the possibility of an early
death, heart disease, and high blood pressure? It's
crazy. So, if you care for yourself, and you hate
dieting, then
get the Venus Factor diet. This is
the best
weight loss program on the market today.

The Media and Sexuality

These things affect our sexual
and everyday self-esteem in astounding ways, because their influence is
unconscious, and their effects pernicious.

Essentially where women are
concerned, a physical ideal of beauty and sexuality (even around the
appearance of the female genitalia), is so pervasive and so widely believed,
that many women think it is their duty and responsibility to look
beautiful, kiss beautifully, make love beautifully, and please their men
in every way possible in the bedroom.

But the reality of such a dynamic is
that it destroys the natural expression of free, natural female sexuality.

And what about romance? Of course you could argue that
romantic novels and romantic ideals are so widespread in our society
simply because we are motivated by an unconscious desire to be romantic.

Of course, the romantic storyline of passionate monogamy is "lust ever
after" in a relationship where both partners' sexual needs are equal and
met in every way, and where we all live in a state of happiness, intimacy and connection
forever.

The
reality is that more than half the marriages currently forged in America
will end in divorce, sexual desire and libido decline due to age and
stress, and many people find life so stressful they can't even maintain a
loving relationship.

That doesn't mean to say that the romantic storyline is irrelevant or
inappropriate for the human condition. But it does mean that our
expectations of love and romance have been raised far too high by the media and society.

For example, that every woman wants a man to love her - and, perhaps more
to the point, that as a woman you know how to make a man fall deeply in love with you and enchant him to the end of time.

In reality, to make sure a loving relationship lasts, we need to
adjust our expectations and probably our sexual and romantic behavior as well.

Nowhere is this more clear than around sexual desire.

There is a new trend of medicalizing normal human conditions such as
low libido. Women who have a low libido (which happens to be normal) are
now being diagnosed as having something made up by the medical profession
called hypoactive
sexual desire disorder. It will not surprise you to learn,
perhaps, that a lot of the researchers responsible for coming up with this
definition are funded by pharmaceutical companies.

And what about the sexless marriage? Doesn't this just demonstrate the
absolute truth of the fact that sexual desire and libido diminish with
time, almost inevitably?

Sexless marriages are apparently currently defined as a relationship in
which couple have sex 10 times a year or fewer – but in reality sex once a
month seems to be about average for people over 40, and in fact the many
people under 40 as well.

So somehow what's normal is now being brandished as a stick to beat
people with for not matching up to some expectation that's been set by –
well, who exactly? Drug companies. Great.

And if you have children, it won't surprise you to learn that most couples'
desire for sex diminishes considerably
after they have children.

There
are many issues involved in this: declining sexuality, changing body
image, hormones, and genital function.

But it isn't merely a physical issue for women: of course tiredness and
stress and body image after birth are major factors in women's vision of
their own sexuality, but again we can blame the media for this.

The fact that a woman think she might be unattractive after she's given
birth, or as she ages, is a disgraceful state of affairs. But then, so is
the expectation of men who believe that only when a woman is youthful and
in her "sexual prime" is she desirable.

To get the rewards of a good relationship, people need to get familiar
with the concept of our natural sexual desires, instincts, sexuality,
and the emotions and spiritual aspects of our existence which is our
natural condition in life.

To put this another way, neither male nor female sexuality can be measured
by the number of times a year that people have sex.

Somewhere in a pharmaceutical laboratory near you, a researcher is
currently trying to come up with a drug which targets low female libido.

And although they're not yet on sale, they are being trialed, and
therefore, as you will no doubt immediately realize, female sexuality is
now being regarded as a disease or condition that needs to be treated for
the purpose of generating profit for pharmaceutical companies.

Of course female sexuality is mysterious (and so is male sexuality).
But since there's no clear
definition of female sexual dysfunction, and there's no way of knowing
what actually constitutes normal sexual desire for women, we lack any
meaningful
standards against which we can judge ourselves.

But the tragedy of the fact that women have no objective standard against
which to measure their sexuality is that they have to fall back on their own
conviction of what constitutes normality.

And, while surrounded by the force of the
media, backed by bigoted, corrupt and sexist politicians, and a
considerable level of prejudice against women from men who would have done
the Neanderthal race proud in terms of their misogyny, women
may well find it hard to locate an inner strength which can sustain their belief in
their own natural "rightness".

Finally, the good news is that there are many things women can do to
reclaim their full sex drive and natural libido. That is, if they want to,
and if they are empowered to do so by their own conviction of what it is
to be strong and loving.

Certainly one simple thing women can do to recapture their own sense of
their individual female sexuality is to follow the advice of David Schnarch in his book
Passionate Marriage, where he makes the point that a healthy
relationship thrives on differentiation between the couple, not on
merging.

In essence, this is about a woman
identifying her own sexuality, and what makes it unique for
her. Because, at the end of the day, that individuality is what liberates a woman from the trials
and tribulations of a culturally determined sexuality, and in the process
will give her (and her partner) a more sensual and more sexual life full
of joy.