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Don’t waste your life looking for “The One”

A lot of people believe they will find their other half in another person and that person will be their soul mate, “THE One”….their Neo. Whether you take the red or blue pill, what you’ll have to realize is that YOU are “THE One”. What you are is what you will attract and connect to in this life. If you are single, work to BE who you want to attract. If you are in a relationship, BE who you want your partner to be in return. I found a great post that gives a similar perspective:

From an early age we are taught to seek and desire that one special someone to spend our lives with. “The one”. This person is your soul mate, the one you will one day marry. The one who won’t be perfect but will be perfect for you. Yes indeed how many of us have sought for that in our youth and how many of us have actually found it?

To be sure some have, whether by seeking or by stumbling upon “the one” they have successfully found that someone whom they are happily spending their life with. Kudos to you.

But for many of us who are still “waiting” I would like to offer my personal opinion: You are free to disagree and experience will tell me that despite many of you agreeing in word very few of you will agree in action.

For some people the ultimate goal is get a woman to spend their life with or a man to put that ring on their finger. I don’t think any of you who think this way mean any harm but I would say that the idea that “If we just work hard enough at it we can make a good marriage” may be a myth.

For others, perhaps the wiser (or at least the more idealistic), they don’t want to settle for anything but the best. These people want that person whom they can connect with on all levels, who shares their hopes and dreams, who fulfills their fantasies, who connects as a best friend and a lover.

For this second group of people finding someone compatible that you are willing to commit your life to is much harder and may take much longer. And these are primarily who I’m giving this advice to.

See you could spend all your time looking for, preparing for, trying to meet, and wishing for that one whom you think will make you happy. And for sure if you should ever meet it would be a happy relationship. But is this really any way to live?

There are few good marriages out there. Not that marriage is a bad idea. It’s not. But there are few people who remain married for life and even fewer who remain happily married for life. The idea of a perfect marriage is a mirage for most people.

Most. But not all. However, if you are holding out for that person whom you find really is “the one” for you my advice is this:

Learn to be content where you are. Learn to love where you are. Pursue other things in life. Pursue your dreams to save the world, or write a book, or start an orphanage, or perfect a musical instrument, or lead a church, or become a doctor. Whatever it is that excites you that you can attain: pursue that wholeheartedly.

This will first of all create a contented spirit in you which is very important to having a happy life. Secondly it will put you in the position to be where the kind of person who is “the one” would likely be as well. If you really want to be a missionary in Africa, spending time at a posh mega church single’s group will most likely not be the best place to meet a like-minded soul mate. In fact, you may fall in love only to find that you have to choose between your dreams and your lover. Sadly, many people give up everything for a human being who will ultimately let them down.

Godliness with contentment is great gain. Gain something by being content and stop waiting for the one. If they come you will be better for them. If they don’t you will have something to show at the end of your life besides a series of failed relationships.