"Snooki's Getting Married" is the headline in In Touch Weekly, the tabloid you buy when the supermarket is out of People, Us Weekly, Star, National Enquirer, and even OK!. Except there is absolutely no truth to it.

Here's what Snooki told the magazine, ""I'm not thinking it may happen, I know. I'm just waiting for him to ask. I'm 24, I've had all the fun I'm ever going to have in my life. I found the right guy, and I'm just waiting for him." So, Snooki says she's getting married...as soon as her boyfriend, you know, actually proposes. That kind of means that she's not getting married at all. I know I've oversold a headline or two in my time, but this is just crazy.

It's like me saying, "Hey, everyone Ricky Martin and I are getting married. You know, as soon as we meet and fall in love and he proposes and I move into his compound and learn Spanish and shake his bon bon and adopt his kids. Once all of that happens, we're totally getting married. Yup, it's gonna happen. Just wait."