I just can’t help myself. Call it being evil, lack of compassion, or just plain juvenile. I get a kick out of other’s minor misfortunes. Namely, those that deserve it here in NYC. You know the types. Those who are overly self centered, inconsiderate, snarky, or just plain douchebags. Nothing wrong with a good chuckle at their misfortune. Then again, I laugh at pretty much anyone when the time, and ridiculous circumstances arise. Lord knows I have had my share of mishaps that had people giggling at my displeasure. I have slipped and fallen flat on my back, strepped into piles of dog poop that engulfed my whole foot, and even walked through a plate glass door. Oh, that last one has happened a few times. How I’m not stitched up like Frankenstein escapes me. I know karma is a bitch, but I still have at it when seeing someone first hand do something dumb, or have something idiotic happen to them. Winter season here in NYC is such a great time to people watch and get my jollies. Here are a few that get my funny bone going. Schadenfreude is my co-pilot. Continue reading Karma, Schadenfreude, and Laughing at Winter Morons in NYC.→

Am I the only one that loathes the bombardment of Christmas commercials and decorations that we are subjected to these weeks before Thanksgiving? It’s already been one of those weeks here in NYC and I feel as if I’m being abused by the Elf on the Shelf. Now let’s be real here for a moment. That damn thing is creepy. No way do I want a psychopath elf in my house. I don’t know why this strange tradition was started anyway. It’s supposed to be moved to a different spot each night or something. Yeah, let’s traumatize our kids. No, let’s terrorize me because if that little bastard shows up in a different spot other than where I left him I’m burning down the damn house! I freak out a bit when I can’t find my keys and swear something moved them. Anyone remember that evil little Zuni fetish doll in the movie Trilogy of Terror? Yeah THAT evil effing thing that chased Karen Black around and attacked her. I just know that damn elf is the reincarnation of that crazy little shit. Waiting. Plotting. He’s as bad as a creepy clown.

Really, wasn’t it Halloween just less than a week ago? I literally still have the taste of this holiday in my mouth as there are plastic buckets full of candy and chocolates strewn about the office I work in and I just can’t keep my hands out of them. Chocolate drool down my chin. This time of year really tests my resolve which is disappearing as the days go on. First Halloween, then Thanksgiving, which then leads to Christmas and New Years. There are only 47 days until Christmas! Only 7 weeks. Just 7 weekends to get all that horrendous shopping done. Hold on now, let’s backtrack a bit. Halloween just ended. What gets me all riled up is that we are already getting bombarded with holiday commercials and Christmas merchandise in the stores. What the eff??? Really, can we just enjoy each holiday first before having the next one shoved down our throats and ripped through our buttholes? Why am I seeing ads for toys and gifts at the major retailers on October 28th? Why does my local Duane Reade already have boxes of Christmas wrap in the windows on November 5th? This lunacy needs to end right now! What’s next? July 4th sales the day after New Years? How about Christmas ads for 2015 the day after Easter? Makes me want to go all Bigfoot on these places and start throwing poop everywhere. Continue reading Really? Christmas, the Flu, NYC Road Rage. What is going on?→

As many of you following my blog probably know I was away on vacation last week. Traveled down to the “Scary Land” known as Florida. Yup, the state where most of the weird news and happenings seem to come from that populate my Facebook news feed. The territory of Cracker Barrel, Denny’s, and Waffle House. It’s like redneck nirvana down there. A place where the drivers are horrible. Where blue hairs roam the land like zombies, and Billy Bobs with big guts, mullets, and bigger belt buckles dominate the landscape. I swear a passport should be required to go into and out of Florida. This strange populace is lorded over by the man, um rat, himself – Mickey Mouse. Of course, no trip to the Orlando area would be complete without a pilgrimage to the Magic Kindom and Disney World parks! Yes, I do admit that I still love the Disney parks. I’m just a big kid, and will always be one. The rides, the characters, the food, the movies, the shows, all still enthrall me. My family has a terrific timeshare about a mile from the front gate of the parks that we have had forever, and spending time with the parental units at Disney World is always fun.

Yet, as I get a bit older I am losing patience with the things that some of the idiots from around the country, and world, seem to do when here. I think it’s time for a Disney rant! Here is a short list of things that makes me want to punch someone in the throat!

1 – Parents that can’t, or refuse, to control their spawn. Ok, I get it, kids will be kids. It’s a long day at the parks, and can get hot and sweaty. Kids get cranky and tired. Those I can deal with. It’s the parents that won’t even try to calm their unruly kids down or take them outside when in full screaming meltdown mode that irks me. It’s your child – deal with it. Don’t make the rest of us suffer. I’m here to have fun too. Sorry your spawn from Hell is ruining your Disney experience. Don’t ruin mine. Have a magical day! Continue reading People Who Deserve a Throat Punch at the Magic Kingdom!→