7 Easy Halloween Costumes That Will Get You Laid

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At most colleges, Halloween is a weeklong event. You’ll have the opportunity to wear all kinds of costumes. One of them should go for shock value and creativity. But if you want all of the trim with none of the effort, give one of these safer, tried-and-true costumes a chance as well. Whether you make her smile or tap into one of her deep-seated, subconscious fetishes, throwing on one of these costumes maximizes the chances your chances of getting laid.

1. Vampire

I’m not talking about a cape and necklace-wearing Count Dracula vampire costume. I’m talking about an edgy, brooding modern vampire costume with ripped jeans and spiky hair and shit (Think Cassidy from Preacher). 1 in 5 females have a serious vampire fetish (the only good thing to come out of the Twilight series). Might as well exploit it. Your boys will undoubtedly give you shit, but let ‘em hate. You’ll be laughing all the way to the bedroom.

2. Angel

You’re probably thinking this is the lamest, most played-out costume in existence, but hear me out. On the week of Halloween, there will invariably be at least a dozen devil costumes at any given bar or party. Being her literal better-half opens up all kinds of opportunities to break the ice. Don’t go as a devil, either. You want the girl to be the devil, ready to unleash her bad side.

3. Mr. Mime

Why Pokémon? Because there will be countless female Pokémon trainers running around trying to “catch” you. Why Mr. Mime? Because it’s the easiest Pokémon costume to make in the entire world. Just throw on some white gloves, draw two pink circles under each eye with a marker, and boom. Halloween ready. At least one lucky lady will chuck her Pokéballs at you. You’ll get to return the favor later on.

4. Caveman

Easy as hell to make. Just find an old, brown bed sheet and tie it to yourself toga-style. Complete the look with a large stick from the backyard. Bonus: when you get hammered drunk later in the night, you can claim your poor speech and boisterous behavior is just part of the costume.

5. Hamburglar

All you need is a mask and a sack full of hamburgers. You know who loves hamburgers? Drunk bitches. Pass them out to hotties and they’ll be all up on your meat sack by the end of the night.

6. Old Man Costume

Don’t sleep on this idea. All girls think it’s hilarious to dance with an old man. Once you get grinding, prove it’s just a costume by popping a young man’s boner, then bring her home.

7. Tarzan

This one’s topical thanks to the shitty reboot that came out earlier this year. But the best part of this costume is that it exudes confidence. Girls love confidence, and nothing says you’ve got it more than strolling into the party practically naked (doesn’t matter if you’ve been working out or not – it’s all about how you carry yourself)..

This was stupid as fuck. Hopefully it is because you are spending so much time getting fail friday together. You clearly won’t make it very far, not one harambe dick reference. You’ll be giving dorn a hummer under his desk before long.