Just Wait 'Til You Have Children of Your Own!

If you're young, old, or in the middle, get ready to laugh out loud with Erma Bombeck, America's funniest lady. This outrageously witty book proves that humor is the best way to keep on keel - even with a teenager in the house. You've finally figured out what makes your child tick, when one day you wake up to discover a teenager under your roof. Suddenly life is filled with a whole new set of worries.

If Life Is A Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits?

You can count on best-selling author Erma Bombeck to show you the funny side of any situation - no matter how ordinary or difficult. In this collection of heartwarming essays, she ponders what it takes to survive the rigors of contemporary living.

The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank

In The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank, Bombeck rides the train to the suburbs. In lands like the Suburbian Gems subdivision, settlers from the city brave endless cul-de-sacs and overly helpful insurance salesmen. Picture windows bring new meaning to the term "neighborly". A poorly timed trip to the restroom results in a promotion to Girl Scout Cookie Captain.

The Perfect Horse

In the chaotic last days of the war, a small troop of battle-weary American soldiers captures a German spy and makes an astonishing find - his briefcase is empty but for photos of beautiful white horses that have been stolen and kept on a secret farm behind enemy lines. Hitler has stockpiled the world's finest purebreds in order to breed the perfect military machine - an equine master race. But with the starving Russian army closing in, the animals are in imminent danger of being slaughtered for food.

Live Right and Find Happiness (Although Beer is Much Faster): Life Lessons from Dave Barry

An uproariously funny examination of what one generation can teach to another - or not - from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times - best-selling author of You Can Date Boys When You're Forty and Insane City. During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has gained much wisdom* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed), and he is eager to pass it on - to the next generation, the generation after that, and those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience.

In the Name of Love: And Other True Cases

Jerry Harris was a self-made California millionaire who, at age forty-four, had it all: booming businesses, yachts, a mansion, a beautiful wife, and a voice to rival Elvis. No one who knew this well-liked, generous man could make sense of his sudden disappearance one autumn night. On a final phone call to his brother from his Mercedes, Jerry breathed a muffled oath - then the line went dead. For Jerry's wife, Susan, it was just the beginning of an unwavering, eight-year search for the truth behind her husband's vanishing.

I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

Some people may wonder what this subject has to do with Dave Barry, since Dave's struggled hard against growing up his entire life-but the result is one of the funniest, warmest, most pitch-perfect books ever on that mystifying territory we call "adulthood".

Crazy Salad and Scribble, Scribble: Some Things About Women and Notes on Media

This edition brings together some of Ephron’s most famous writing on a generation of women (and men) who helped shape the way we live now, and on events ranging from the Watergate scandal to the Pillsbury Bake-Off. In these sharp, hilariously entertaining, and vividly observed pieces, Ephron illuminates an era with wicked honesty and insight. From the famous "A Few Words About Breasts" to important pieces on her time working for the New York Post and Gourmet Magazine, these essays show Ephron at her very best.

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

In this classic of literary nonfiction, Annie Dillard takes us through a year of on-foot explorations through her own landscape, bringing anecdotes, curiosities, and insights about all she observes and experiences. In the summer, she stalks muskrats in the creek and thinks about wave mechanics; in the fall, she watches a monarch butterfly migration and dreams of Arctic caribou. She tries to con a coot, unties a snakeskin, witnesses a flood, and plays "King of the Meadow" with a field of grasshoppers.

Auntie Mame: An Irreverent Escapade

Wildly successful when it was first published in 1955, Patrick Dennis' Auntie Mame sold over two million copies and stayed put on the New York Times bestseller list for 112 weeks. It was made into a play, a Broadway as well as a Hollywood musical, and a fabulous movie starring Rosalind Russell. Since then, Mame has taken her rightful place in the pantheon of Great and Important People as the world's most beloved, madcap, devastatingly sophisticated, and glamorous aunt.

The Monogram Murders: The New Hercule Poirot Mystery

Hercule Poirot's quiet supper in a London coffeehouse is interrupted when a young woman confides to him that she is about to be murdered. She is terrified - but begs Poirot not to find and punish her killer. Once she is dead, she insists, justice will have been done. Later that night, Poirot learns that three guests at a fashionable London Hotel have been murdered, and a cufflink has been placed in each one’s mouth. Could there be a connection with the frightened woman?

Killing Trail: A Timber Creek K-9 Mystery, Book 1

When a young girl is found dead in the mountains outside Timber Creek, lifelong resident Officer Mattie Cobb and her partner, K-9 police dog Robo, are assigned to the case that has rocked the small Colorado town. With the help of Cole Walker, a local veterinarian and single father, Mattie and Robo must track down the truth before it claims another victim. But the more Mattie investigates, the more she realizes how many secrets her town holds. And the key may be Cole's daughter, who knows more than she's saying.

Please Don't Eat the Daisies

This collection of essays observes the perils of motherhood, wifehood, selfhood, and other assorted challenges. Since its publication in 1957, it has sold millions of copies and has been adapted into a Broadway play, a film, a TV series, and now an audiobook. Jean Kerr's parodies of the clichéd 1950s prescription for glamorous or maternal feminine behavior still resonate today as we enter the 21st century.

Jaws

Jaws is the classic, blockbuster thriller that inspired the three-time Academy Award-winning Steven Spielberg movie and made millions of beachgoers afraid to go into the water. Experience the thrill of helpless horror again - or for the first time! Jaws was #48 in the American Film Institute's 100 Years...100 Movies, and the film earned the coveted #1 spot on the Bravo network's 100 Scariest Movie Moments countdown.

The Funny Thing Is...

Ellen DeGeneres published her first book of comic essays, the #1 best selling My Point...and I Do Have One, way back in 1996. Not one to rest on her laurels, the witty star of stage and screen has since dedicated her life to writing a hilarious new book. That book is this audiobook.

Six-time Emmy Award-winning funnyman Tim Conway, best known for his characters on The Carol Burnett Show, offers a straight-shooting and hilarious memoir about his life on stage and off as an actor and comedian. In television history, few entertainers have captured as many hearts and made as many people laugh as Tim Conway. There's nothing in the world that Tim Conway would rather do than entertain - and in his first-ever memoir, What's So Funny?, that's exactly what he does.

If You Ask Me

It-girl Betty White delivers a hilarious, slyly profound take on love, life, celebrity, and everything in between. Drawing from a lifetime of lessons learned, seven-time Emmy winner Betty White's wit and wisdom take center stage as she tackles topics like friendship, romantic love, aging, television, fans, love for animals, and the brave new world of celebrity. If You Ask Me mixes her thoughtful observations with humorous stories from a seven- decade career in Hollywood. Longtime fans and new fans alike will relish Betty's candid take on everything....

War Room: Prayer Is a Powerful Weapon

Tony and Elizabeth Jordan have it all - great jobs, a beautiful daughter, and their dream house. But appearances can be deceiving. Their world is actually crumbling under the strain of a failing marriage. While Tony basks in his professional success and flirts with temptation, Elizabeth resigns herself to increasing bitterness. But their lives take an unexpected turn when Elizabeth meets her newest client, Miss Clara, a wise, older widow who challenges Elizabeth to start fighting for her family instead of fighting against her husband.

Toni Tennille: A Memoir

Since bursting onto the scene in the mid '70s, the pop duo Captain and Tennille have long defined the sparkling, optimistic idea of everlasting love, both in their music and through their image as a happy and, seemingly, unbreakable couple. They were an irresistible pair to millions of fans all over the world, further underscored by the rousing "yes, we can!" gospel of their biggest hit, "Love Will Keep Us Together". But underneath the image was an entirely different story that the fans never saw.

Spartan Gold

Treasure hunters Sam and Remi Fargo are exploring the Great Pocomoke Swamp in Delaware when they are shocked to discover a World War II German U-boat. Inside, they find a bottle taken from Napoleon's "lost cellar." Fascinated, the Fargos set out to find the rest of the collection. But another connoisseur of sorts has been looking for the bottle they've just found.

The Vampire's Mail Order Bride: Nocturne Falls, Book 1

After seeing her maybe-mobster boss murder a guy, Delaney James assumes a new identity and pretends to be a mail order bride. She finds her groom-to-be living in a town that celebrates Halloween every day. Weird. But not as weird as what she doesn't know. Her groom-to-be is a 400-year-old vampire.

Love Life

Love Life serves up another delicious selection of intimate stories and observations from Rob Lowe's life, told with humor, warmth, and brutal honesty. After writing his acclaimed debut effort, Lowe felt he had more stories to share and many more friends to introduce. The result is a touching memoir about the business and craft of acting, the pitfalls of success, family, love, and much more.

The Seventh Bride

Young Rhea is a miller's daughter of low birth, so she is understandably surprised when a mysterious nobleman, Lord Crevan, shows up on her doorstep and proposes marriage. Since commoners don't turn down lords - no matter how sinister they may seem - Rhea is forced to agree to the engagement. Lord Crevan demands that Rhea visit his remote manor before their wedding.

600 Hours of Edward

A 39-year-old with Asperger’s syndrome and obsessive-compulsive disorder, Edward Stanton lives alone on a rigid schedule in the Montana town where he grew up. His carefully constructed routine includes tracking his most common waking time (7:38 a.m.), refusing to start his therapy sessions even a minute before the appointed hour (10:00 a.m.), and watching one episode of the 1960s cop show Dragnet each night (10:00 p.m.). But when a single mother and her nine-year-old son move in across the street, Edward’s timetable comes undone....

Publisher's Summary

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.” There are few phrases as sobering, with the possible exceptions of “We have lift-off” and “This country is at war.” Yet, as they have done for centuries, millions of courageous men and women continue to walk down the aisle every year, without so much as a job description. Now, in her most autobiographical book, Erma Bombeck puts it all in loving and laughing perspective, as she looks back on her own 43-year-but-who’s-counting marriage.