Dancing for fans is Dynamite

Published 5:30 am, Thursday, July 13, 2006

THE Astros may be struggling to keep their heads above the .500 mark, but one member of the team is on track to a breakout season.

Bobby the Train Guy, the conductor of the train high above the left field stands at Minute Maid Park, has become a dancing sensation during games this season.

Dancing sensation — or just a dancing fool.

"We call the skit 'Bobby Dynamite,' and we do it when the Astros are ahead and the other team makes a pitching change. Basically, I just do the dance from the Napoleon Dynamite movie. I really can't dance, and no amount of practice is going to change that," said Bobby the Train Guy (real name: Bobby Vasquez).

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How bad a dancer is he?

"I'm surprised that no one has called 911 thinking I'm having a heart attack up on the tracks. The crowd seems to love my dancing. Lots of fans are getting up and trying to dance like me. But that's hard to do, since I'm so bad."

Vasquez came up with the idea of dancing when the Astros hit a losing streak.

"We needed something to pump up the crowd. I suggested to team officials that I do the Napoleon Dynamite dance to the song Canned Heat by Jamiroquai. People love watching guys who can't dance but think they can. It's like watching a train wreck.

"It's a pretty neat feeling when 40,000 people are screaming and yelling because I'm dancing.

"I have to be careful, though. One bad step and the grounds crew will be scraping me off the warning track."

•If a snoopy TV investigative reporter catches some shnook "drinking" during two-hour lunches and then hopping into his car, and the poor shnook says, "Yeah, I was drinking ... Diet Cokes," shouldn't the reporter have asked the bartender, "What were you serving to that customer with the funny shoes over there?"
That would have cleared up everything.

Back in those freewheelin' hippie days, the bureau gave away posters of what Houston landmark?

•The last thing I ate in the Philadelphia airport was a freshly baked pretzel with mustard (it's a local delicacy). They had five different mustards to choose from, including Gulden's Spicy Brown.

The pretzel was 50 cents.

When I landed at Bush Intercontinental, I saw a pretzel cart in Terminal C. The pretzel was not fresh, and they had only one kind of mustard — that lame bright-yellow stuff.

The pretzel was $2.

•When most baseball players come to bat, the stadium plays either rap, heavy metal or country music. The players get to pick their theme song.
When Cliff Floyd of the Mets comes to bat, the stadium plays the theme music from Sanford and Son. He's my favorite Met now.

•I'm noticing fewer and fewer horse-drawn carriages in New York and more and more human-powered bicycle cabs. This is a good thing.
For starters, a pedicab ride is much cheaper (one-fourth the price of a horsy ride). And pedicabs aren't cruel to animals, just to the guy who's pedaling it. Presumably, he's doing this by choice.

The circus train will unload the animals at the intersection of Holly Hall and Almeda. The elephants, lions and clowns will walk to Reliant Stadium, where the elephants will be given a public bath.

Like the sign says at the flume ride in Disney World — you will get wet.

The circus begins its 17-performance run at Reliant Stadium on Friday.

• Trivia answer: Abbie Hoffman wrote, "Don't you just have to have a huge glossy photo of Houston's famed Astrodome to show all your friends? Use the teacher bit (say you're a teacher) and write to the Greater Houston Convention and Visitors Council, Houston, Texas 77002."