Feeling Low

February 17, 2012

I love my family. I do. But I felt lousy today, very lousy.

Ever since many months back when my husband had a very long lived cold, I have been letting him rest as he was on drowsy medicine on and off. So I would entertain the kids with Mother In Law’s help or helper’s help. But when I’m with kids in my room, I usually alone with them.

At night I would be the one handling our cry baby boy. He often cries instead of telling me he is hungry. So I came up with stories to make him stop, and recently that didn’t work. At times my husband offered to take the “night shift” but he would not change the diaper only to find my boy’s clothes soaked in his pee in the morning, sometimes crying away.

After the cold bug went away, he was busy with a job change. I would rush to buy diapers, milk and wet tissue and other baby stuff on week days or when he was fetching my Mother In Law around. I basically wanted him to rest on weekends.

For the past two nights I was tired and asked my girl to get his company. He actually brushed her off. Last night was forgivable as I peeped and saw him reading about his new job system requirements. Tonight I was fuming mad. He told my girl he has to watch TV. I no longer want to bother about what excuse he has. He has become very switched off. He spends little engaging time with our children. And kept saying the children do not want him so I have to be the one entertaining them.

I have enough. I know I expect too much but I feel he is taking me for granted. Yes I work part time now. It that doesn’t mean I won’t be tired. I make toys for children, I think of stories to entertain them. Yes he brought them out for walks but he couldn’t handle them alone so I have no breaks at all as I have to tag along and children follow me around.