Monday, September 13, 2010

Angie Harmon Hoists Horsey Home on the Market

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: The other day we were having a chit-chat with our wickedly well informed real estate savant Lucy Spillerguts who tattled to Your Mama that tee-vee and film actress Angie Harmon and her hunky former professional football player huzband Jason Sehorn recently put their homestead in the star studded, horse friendly, and guard gated Hidden Hills, CA community on the market with an asking price of $3,950,000.

Miz Harmon, a former moe-dell, was discovered on an airplane by David Hasselhoff. We do not even want to know how that came down. She is best perhaps known for her husky voice, hot body, tee-vee roles on Baywatch and Law & Order. She has also appeared in a number of films including Agent Cody Banks and the Batman franchise. Mister Sehorn, all six foot three Ken doll like athletic hawt-ness of him, is known for earning the big bucks playing with an oblong shaped pig skin covered ball for the New York Giants. Together they are known for their right leaning politics and speaking at the 2004 Republican National Convention. Miz Harmon, who says she would support a 2012 presidential run by Tea Party queen bee Sarah Palin, would like people to know, however, that she ain't got no beef with the gays.

Property records show that the home in horsey Hidden Hills was purchased for $3,750,000 in October of 2005 through a trust that several other online sources–and Lucy Spillerguts–indicate is connected to Mister Sehorn and Miz Harmon. Listing information shows the well cared for Cap Cod meets California country style house measures 6,872 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 4.5 poopers.

The tree-shaded circular driveway, which includes a charming wood bridge that spans a wee crick that listing information says is "natural," sweeps across the grassy yard to where front door opens into a cavernous impress-the-guests style double height foyer with cherry colored faux-distressed hardwood floors and a swooping staircase that screams out for southern belle in a hoop skirt to gliding down. The children will note the display ledge at the top of the curving staircase where we spot the first of many crosses and other religious iconography that can be found throughout the home of the conservative and apparently quite religious couple.

Just to the right of and open to the gigantic foyer is a dining room where a fireplace has been jammed into the corner. Above the 12 seat dining room table hangs a Kia sized crystal chandelier and atop the very traditional table sits a particularly disturbing flower and feather centerpiece that looks too much like a dead damn pheasant for our delicate decorative sensibilities. A nearby and not particularly formal formal living room has cathedral ceilings, a wall of multi-paned windows and sliding glass doors that open to the patio and backyard, and a fireplace where a flat screen tee-vee has been mounted above the mantel and a chunky carved wood cross has been placed on the hearth. The bland but un-offensive day-core consists of a couple of beige sofas, decorative pillows with rusty-red fringe, table lamps with ribbon accents that match the rusty-red fringe color, and a couple of bergere armchairs covered in what appears to be animal print fabric. While we can't explain or defend it and we're sure we'll be flayed and fried by our arty-farty friend for saying so, we find ourselves having a soft spot for the huge and oddly minimal painting of a horse. We're sure our shrink will have something to say about that, but until then we're keeping our lips zipped on the matter.

The large and well equipped gore-may kitchen has faux-distressed cream colored cabinetry with raised panel doors and lots of turned legs and carved corbels. The counter tops are a mottled sandy colored marble and the appliances all high grade stainless steel. While we're thrilled–if somewhat surprised–not to find a bunch of plastic or silk greenery sitting atop the upper cabinets, we are just as mortified to find several ridiculously cliché rooster figurines scattered throughout the kitchen including a porcelain one sitting on the island and another one perched high atop the cabinets like some sort of demon rooster looking to pounce on anyone who might be cooking up his baby momma on the range top below.

A cozy family/media room has some built in cabinetry that houses a large flat screen tee-vee, vaulted, beamed and sky lit ceiling, a high shelf littered with basketry, and a brick fireplace with raised hearth. In case the myriad of artworks depicting Jesus Christ and other religious scenes such as The Last Supper that hang in a tight cluster above the fireplace aren't enough to remind the Harmon-Sehorn family and their friends that they're God-fearing, they've casually but purposefully laid a small cross on the coffee table that Your Mama is certain is not meant to be used as a coaster for some one's beer stine.

All the religious iconography does not appear to extend up to the second floor where a perfectly plain and essentially undecorated master suite features an acre or more of wall to wall beige carpeting, tan colored and art-free walls, a high vaulted ceiling, multi-paned sliding glass doors that open to a small private patio, and a suite of ass-uglee carved wood furniture that we suspect is meant to look antique but is most assuredly not. Given that Miz Harmon and Mister Sehorn appear to keep a very tidy house, we're a bit surprised that listing photos of their boo-dwar show a whole bunch of paper and other crap shoved haphazardly up under the bed and the bench at the foot of the bed in the master bedroom.

The master pooper, bathed in beige travertine marble, includes a gigantic, professional football player sized soaking tub and separate glass enclosed steam shower. We're just going to pretend those Roman style shades with the green bamboo leaf pattern are just not there otherwise we might say something ugly that we might regret. Let's just hope the new owner swaps them out for something else.

The back of the house opens up to and wraps around a large patio with a shaded pergola area and a built in barbecue center. A well tended lawn stretches back from the back patio to the wonderfully simple rectangular swimming pool. There's even more well tended grass beyond the swimming pool as well as stables for horses. Your Mama does not know if there are horsies in the Harmon-Sehorn family, but Hidden Hills is a highly desirable community for wealthy equestrian minded folks so we certainly would not be surprised to learn they like to ride the ponies. All those white picket fences separate the yard from the many riding trails that encircle and criss-cross the oak tree dotted hills of hoity-toity family friendly community.

A person can not swing a cat behind the gates of the paparazzi-free Hidden Hills community without knocking over famous folk. In fact, Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn are barely even famous compared to some of their neighbors who include dee-vorcing and dueling lesbians Melissa Ethridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels, big bootyed superstar Jennifer Lopez and her salsa singer huzband Marc Whatshisface, Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, and Lisa Marie Presley, who has reportedly decamped for London and has both of her Hidden Hills homes on the market. Your Mama has also heard through the celebrity real estate grapevine that country music queen Leann Rimes leased a house in Hidden Hills, but honestly butter beans we don't know if she's still shacked up in her temporary digs or if she's done moved on and in with actor Eddie Cibrian with whom she was having an affair prior to (publicly) splitting with her former back up dancer huzband.

Other less glittery Hidden Hills habitués include Nicolette Sheridan who bought her house from Melissa Ethridge, former child star Beverly Mitchell (7th Heaven), "comedian" Sinbad whose house was recently under threat of foreclosure, Bruce Jenner and his momager wife Kris Kardashian, and that poor Denise Richards lady who was once married to and acrimoniously dee-vorced from actor Charlie Sheen. Miz Richards was famously unable to sell her house in Hidden Hills despite the price dipping far below what she paid for the place. Miz Richards has since taken the house of the market and, we understand, is engaged in a massive remodel.

Way back in December of 2007, Your Mama discussed a house in the Beverly Hills (Post Office) that the Harmon-Sehorns bought through a trust in March of 2004, renovated and flipped back on the market with a price tag of $1,895,000. Property records reveal that the couple sold the secluded 3 bedroom and 2 pooper house in December of 2007 for $1,825,000 to producer Heather Parry (The Longest Yard, the House Bunny).

Of course, Your Mama don't know a tissue from a Tonka truck, so we can't say with any authority whatsoever what's behind the Harmon-Sehorn's decision to sell their conservatively dressed quasi-country home in Hidden Hills. There have been, however, unsubstantiated and unconfirmed rumors circulating among the gossips that all is not well on the home front. There have also been some recent reports that suggested that before securing her current role on the new ladee detective program Rizzoli & Isles, Miz Harmon was considering packing up her three young daughters and making a quick exit out of the depravity and hysteria that is Hollywood.

People decorate their houses like they live their lives. A bland bedroom with almost nothing interesting happening in the room, a pile of junk under the bed, and most of the the art and creativity only in the public areas of the house... I was thinking that this could not be a happy or intimacy-filled marriage even before Mama's comment in the final paragraph. I guess Jebus doesn't want them having sex.

Sarah Palin, really? I knew they were Republicans, and I guess I already knew some actors and sports stars aren't all that clever, but buying into Palin's particular brand of poison denotes a whole different level of either callous, cynical or stupid.

Knowing that, the house is somehow harder to look at objectively. But even if it belonged to people I admire, would have to say it's generic, unappealing, bordering on dowdy. Find the placement of that grand staircase especially weird.

First, a positive; I do like the lot... and other than the octagonal window in the entry, the house shows potential.

As for the egregious overuse of beige, well, the listing pictures say it all.

Having grown up in a household similarly equipped with such iconography (the portrait of the Virgin Mary hanging in the powder room, with the eyes that followed your every movement), I'm uncomfortably familiar with the type of person who feels compelled to such displays; confrontation, judgmental, and an unwarranted belief in their own moral superiority. Exactly the kind of person to pay lip service to anyone currently useful, but secretly believes that the world belongs to Caucasian Christians, and the rest of us in internment camps.

Love or hate the particular person, anyone who still retains the ability of having two brain cells working in concert cannot, IMHO, endorse a creature like Palin and maintain any kind of creditability. A disgrace to women who truly achieve something noble in their lives, as an endorser of hate-mongering, the dumbing down of America, dis-ingenuousness, divisiveness, deceit, and all those other "D" words, she's as dangerous as a T-Rex...

...which she probably still secretly believes walked the earth a mere 5000 years ago.

"the world belongs to Caucasian Christians, and the rest of us in internment camps" Thanks LGB - I couldn't have said it better myself. Whenever I dine at my parents house, I always have to endure the Lord having his supper and all those disciples staring me down while I try to swallow!

Yes, my Mother belongs to a church that truly believes the earth is no more than 3000 - 5000 years old!

Village - I agree with you on stairs and dining rooms - esp. carpeted stairs! Thanks Mama for another great post!

l'il gay boy, I just love you, and live for your comments...if it weren't for people like Miss Holier-than-Thou here with her crucifix fixation, you could enjoy the sanctity of marriage just like she does...what? she's getting divorced?Jesus wept.

I've saved this photo spread on my iPad. For the nights when insomnia pays visit and all the gay porn I have shoved under the bed and below the bench at the foot of the bed won't do the trick. Pardon the pun.Wickedly boring and bland.

What in the world?! I have never read anything as ugly as the things that are posted here. Are you all under the age of 25 or just merely that immature?

Take one moment, be objective, and read back through the postings. How can any of you call yourselves "open-minded" - as you most assuredly do. You do know that open-mindedness requires that you accept everyone regardless of what they think, right?

I have never read such a bigoted and ignorant bunch of malarkey in my life. Before you try to stand up for liberals - or whoever you think you are standing for - please be sure you phrase things in a way that doesn't make you all sound like idiots.