I stole my friend’s wheelchair. Guess who is comes crawling back to me?!
Man so his wife: 'I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more
visible.
Dark, the side of this toast is. (Yoda at breakfast)
What would you call a person who had no body and no nose? -Nobody
knows.
A pig stands in front of an electric socket: “Oh no, who put you into that
wall?!”
I saw this sweet poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself. At
least I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than 3.50 in her
wallet.
I never hold my farts in. Only assholes do that.
Here, I bought you a calendar. Your days are numbered now.
Where do fish sleep? - In the RiverBed.
Talk is cheap, yeah? Have you ever talked to a lawyer?!
My wife’s driving test went surprisingly well yesterday. She got 7 out of
12. The 5 managed to run to safety.
I called the hospital but the line was dead.
Husband: Wow, honey, you look really different today. Did you do something
to your hair?-Wife: Michael, I’m over here!
Do you know a tree’s favorite drink? -Root beer!
What did one plate say to his friend? -Tonight, dinner’s on me!

Two invisible men meet. One says to the other: “Hey dude, long time no see!”
When everything’s coming your way – perhaps you’re in the wrong direction
on the highway?
A woman sees an angler at a lake, “And, are they biting?” -The
angler replies, “Only if they are provoked.”Next Part
Best One Liners