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Was This Lady Raped Or Not? Please Read!

Peeshaun, one half of music group Skuki, shared a story on his Instagram of a man and his sexual encounter with a woman who is accusing him of rape.

They had met during their National Youth Service Corps year, and, according to the guy, everyone in his office had a crush on her.

He didn’t start hitting on her until after the end of the service year, he wrote, and although they had “lots of sexual talks,” she made it clear nothing was going to happen between them.

They decided to go on a date in January 27, and because he stays alone in Ajah, they visited the mall in Sangotedo.

They returned to his house after the date, after dark, and they proceeded to make out, then have sex.

After the girl reached orgasm she withdrew consent.

As soon as she finished coming she started hitting my chest that I should get off her. I told her to chill that I’m about to come too, she started hitting and saying no, she didn’t want anymore. It was as if she just realised we were actually having sex.

He didn’t get up. Instead, he held her hands down and continued until he too reached orgasm.

Peeshaun asked his followers if they thought it was rape or not, and the people are divided.

People saying it is rape say she withdrew consent and he went on, even held her down.

People saying it isn’t rape say she should never have consented in the first place. They made out, had oral sex, and still she did not withdraw consent. Why did she wait until after she had reached orgasm before she withdrew consent? She is selfish.

But isn’t such thought hinged on the belief that sex by definition must end only after the parties involved have reached orgasm? Because we know that is false – several times, a man rolls off after he is done, asks the woman, “Did you come?” Another thing: Are we saying consent can only be withdrawn before sex begins?

Also, what exactly is the definition of rape?

See the full story below, and let us know if you think it is rape or not.

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I don't even know what to say. Why did she refuse after reaching orgasm? While technically it's rape cos she said no and he continued, in reality he was deep inside her and pulling out at that moment is somehow. The guy could have just manned up and pull out to avoid stories such as this. Rape cases are always dicey. The story is even one kind sef. It reminds me of a meme by correct bae. Where it say for girls to romance the guy till he is really aroused and go bring out Bible and say fornication is a sin. I feel why go through all that. It's just wickedness.

Babe had a mission is all I can say. I can't in good conscience say the guy raped her. Seems like she had an intent to punish him by denying him orgasm. How do you even proudly say someone made you do what you did not want to do in this context? The only thing she didn't give her consent to here is his orgasm. So what if he had come before her? Her narrative would have changed I guess.

In scenarios like this, it is illuminating to start with the definition of rape. Dictionary.com defines rape as "unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim"

While the lady's argument might have some grounds with the definition of rape as unlawful sexual intercourse (or simply, sexual assault), the description of what constitutes rape generally invalidates her argument. This clearly isn't a case of forced sexual penetration, as much as it is a case of disregard for sexual intercourse preference. I strongly believe it's a case of love making gone sour for the lady - a private matter and one that she wants to cowardly classify as rape. Also, the chats don't show her being critical of the foreplay that ensued, making it even far harder for her to prove her case of being raped. Chrisyinks

Chrissyinks, rape doesn't only occur in cases of forced penetration. She said stopped she tried to push him off. He held her down and continued. I can decide I want to have sex and later decide I don't want to have sex. It's a free world.

So I only skimmed through the post before I made my earlier comment, as I had read the story elsewhere. However, going through this post and importantly, Thelma's opinion (reproduced below), Thelma throws some illuminating light on what questions we should be answering. More on Thelma's perspective later.

'But isn’t such thought hinged on the belief that sex by definition must end only after the parties involved have reached orgasm? Because we know that is false – several times, a man rolls off after he is done, asks the woman, “Did you come?” Another thing: Are we saying consent can only be withdrawn before sex begins?'

I reckon the defining question (as Thelma has insightfully asked) that needs to be answered here is whether consent can only be withdrawn before sex begins? While I'd tilt to the side of the divide that reckons consent can be withdrawn at any time as I don't see why one should be held hostage to his/her previous decision choice (formal contracts for example have a termination clause or some 'escape route for either party to the contract'), we should take note of the circumstances of this scenario and what precisely is implied consent - no formal written consent was given, as is usual of many sexual liaisons.

The mitigating circumstances of this scenario that makes this hard to classify as rape is the lady's 180 degree turnaround from making it initially clear that she wants nothing sexual to do with him to visiting him in the evening at his place, going into his bed without any underwear, and being a wiling participant to all things sexual (except his orgasm). You would agree with me that in the heat of lovemaking, it would be difficult to lend full credibility to her sudden request to cease their sexual intercourse.

Per implied consent, the famous jest for a man unskilled in bed being referred to as 2 minute or indomie man implies that when consent is given for sex, orgasm is an expected outcome, unless either party clearly states their desired expectations - one the lady in question didn't do.

Hence, why I find it hard to classify this fully as rape and more or a scenario of 'love making gone sour'

PS: It would really be enlightening to hear lawyers (preferably in the cognate field) weigh in on this matter. I reckon their learned perspective would help inform the society on what exactly constitutes rape. Chrisyinks

Actually as selfish as the girl is, it became rape the moment she said no. Consent can be withdrawn any time. Was this girl a selfish bitch? Definitely. Was there rape at any point? Yes. Ibukun already explained it well. It's a sad life. But anyways guys orgasm and stop before the girls do in lots of other scenarios. He should have manned up got off her and wanked or something. And yh throw the selfish bitch out of his house.

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