Spoof news stories from Thursday 28 November 2013

Auntie Jean Advises - Boy John from Bradford
Auntie Jean,
I am a student aged 21. Recently I went on a hiking trip in Peru. I was with a party of fellow students raising money for the student bar at Bradford University. The trip went well even including a once in a lifetime climb to explore Machu Picchu. We camped in our portable tents at night and at the end of the trek usually went swimmin...

A high up Military Psychologist has admitted most of the young men who join the military are heartbroken rejects of society.
'I'm not saying all recruits sign up because of emotional distance, or detachment from self. But I am noticing a trend.'...

Circuit boards have made a breathtaking return to technology, Nokia has confirmed.
'I really like Circuit boards. They've made me the person I am today. Rich and successful. I really like them because they look so cool. So I hang them on the wall...

Patients should be charged £10 to see their Doctor and a £10 "hotel charge" to stay the night in hospital, a leading stink-tank has said.
The fees could be among a raft of levies introduced to raise extra cash to fund the NHS rather than charge, a...

With his popularity going down faster than a man with erectile dysfunction part-time Prime Minister, Do-nothing-Dave and his ever desperate Coalition Government, are destined for the dustbin of history come the next general election on May 7th 2015!...

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week which suggests that beliefs about interview etiquette may amount to nothing more than wives' tales.
How long has it been cool to say, "I think outside the box"? Well, according to Dwi...

If you bought Lizard spotting glasses at the Wembley Arena nutter ranting session with David Oik you're in for a real money saver.
3D glasses for use with top end TVs cost upwards of £80 per pair from the manufacturer. Lizard men spotting glasses from the spectacular conspiracy lectures that former "It's a Knockout" goalkeeper David Oik keeps giving, work just as well on the 3D televisions alt...

According to a recent study, College professors may very well be pushing their Liberal agendas on college students.
Published by A.Y.R.S [Are.You.Really.Surprised] Journal, the shocking results of their study may lead conservative parents in the...

SOMEWHERE IN ALASKA-Sarah Palin, the one-time ex-governor of Alaska and John McCain's running mate in his 2008 presidential bid, was eaten by a grizzly bear Wednesday while hunting caribou with her hunting buddy Ted Cruz.
Palin, who was about...

WASHINGTON DC - America is once again taking sides in the latest wave of the politically correct maelstrom.
"I vehemently and catagorically oppose the use of the the word 'Black' in the term 'Black Friday' used to descibe a major shopping day,...

WASHINGTON D.C.- While Thanksgiving is being celebrated across America, President Obama is experiencing yet another scandal in his scandal-plagued second term.
The First Dog, Bo --a 5-year old Portuguese Water Dog-- has come out in opposition to...

Auntie Jean,
I have a personal problem which I can hardly bring myself to mention. I'm afraid to admit that when short of money recently I did the unthinkable and went down to the Docks area to try to earn some money. I knew that the means of earning cash for services rendered was still available, and that my advancing years may work against my ambitions.
So I made my way to the sperm donat...

As the relentless reality TV juggernaut "I'm A Celebrity...." rumbles through its 550th series (we assume) Back and to the Left news feels two things. One: Utter revulsion at the fact that ITV have allowed a man with obvious mental health issues appe...

A spy satellite has reported hundreds of tanks massing along the north side of Hadrians Wall in Northumberland. This unexpected build up of arms coincides with sightings of what appear to be tens of missile launching sites.
Alexander Salmon, the O...

Dick Athlon asks Auntie Jean:
Auntie Jean,
I am a British Spy and I am trapped in a padlocked sports bag. I was having a bath while locked in my diplomatic bag as usual.
The apartment steward unexpectedly came into my flat and took the bag (with me inside it) to Heathrow airport. I think I am in the luggage hold of a plane in mid flight.
My phone battery is almost depleted. On looking...

Wildlife expert David Bellingham claims to have identified a harmless frog living wild in Australia, Foster's News Agency claimed today. The find may qualify for a $10000 prize offered by the Sidney Opera House Zoological Foundation.
The frog wi...

FOXBORO, Massachusetts - New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is feeling a bit cocky as he has just predicted that his team will beat the Houston Texans in Houston by 32 points.
Brady still celebrating their 34-31 victory over Peyton Manning...

The new map of the UK by the Ordinance Survey Dept. has only England, Ireland, Northern Scotland and Southern Scotland on it. Wales, soon to be completely flooded by Thames Water's new reservoir has ceased to exist on the map.
The new reservoir w...

Two old friends seem to be drawn back together.
"We have a very special relationship with each other. We each go our own way with our careers but try to get together as often as possible", stated Stewart.
All the news during the Twilight series...