Reading from Warwick moves to Szechwan

Szechwan Publishing is proud to announce that Kevin Reading, Professor of Cybernetics and Self-Publicity at Warwick University, has joined the Register's elite team of writers as resident futurologist.

Prof Reading needs no introduction to those who know him. For the benefit of those who have yet to experience the clarity, incisiveness, intelligence and above all space-filling qualities of his work, here are a few highlights:

150 AD Prof Reading presents the keynote address at the Ptolemy Astrological Academy in Alexandria. He asserts that the world is flat and that in less than two thousand years, machines will be built with the power to rearrange playing cards, provide musical entertainment without payment of dues to the Guild of Minstrels, and to make elementary errors in calculation - a prediction that he dubs the 'FDIV' effect. He also claims to have invented a time machine and advised aliens on how to build the pyramids.

1066 Kevin advises King Harold Godwinson of England to keep his eye on the growing threat of invasion by William the Bastard of Normandy. Harold takes his advice all too literally. Kevin also acts as consultant to aliens from the planet Tharg who plan to set up twin universities at the great cities of Warwick and Reading.

1584 A 20-year-old playwright called William Shakespeare is advised by Reading to undertake perhaps his greatest work - Kevin, Prince of Cybernautia. Sadly this masterpiece is lost when Shakespeare, in a moment of madness, burns the folio and threatens Kevin with death should he ever bother him again.

1933 In February, Reading is invited to dinner at the Reichstag in Berlin to demonstrate his latest electronic creation, the artificial ego. This now legendary device has the capacity to increase the size of an ordinary human ego by over 2000 times. Unfortunately the prototype overheats and the building is burned to the ground.

1963 On a visit to Dallas, Kevin is shocked to hear that thousands of unsold copies of his definitive study of genius Bloody Hell, is that Kevin Reading a clever bloke or what?, lie unsold in the Texas State Book Depository. A misunderstanding leads to a scuffle with an armed security guard and a stray shot hits the occupant of a passing car.

1971 Kevin meets Bob Noyce in a sleazy bar in California. As a result of the conversation, Noyce sketches out the basic design for the 4004 microprocessor on the back of a waitress using a ballpoint pen. The waitress contracts blood poisoning and sues Intel for damages. With the substantial sum awarded by the court, the waitress sets up Advanced Micro Devices. ®