Quakes Mascot Q Released for PED Use

San Jose's beloved mascot Q tested positive for several performance enhancing drugs and has subsequently been released from the Quakes roster, the team announced Thursday morning.

During a press conference at Quakes headquarters in Santa Clara, team officials announced that Q has been released until the charismatic creature undergoes rehabilitation at a treatment center in Burlingame, Calif. In a prepared statement given to members of the media, Q said that the steroids were used solely for recovery purposes between matches and strenuous appearances at children's birthday parties.

Q tested positive for three separate types of anabolic steroids and a low-grade beaver
tranquilizer.

Employees with the Quakes had mixed emotions about the Q scandal. Most noticed subtle changes in the mascot's demeanor, including one incident in which Q tackled a fan for eating the last hot dog in the stadium.