You will need to sign on with your LLLID (La Leche League ID) before you can post. If you have never claimed your LLLID, create your LLLID now. To sign in, click the LLLID Sign On button in the upper right corner. Enter your LLLID Alias and click the button again.

Re: so close to buying bottles & formula

you've already got lots of good advice about nursing. It gets easier, and fairly quickly. But don't expect to get a lot of sleep right now. It's not meant to happen that way! That's one of the reasons we have maternity leave.

When my son was two weeks old, he was attached to me 20 out of every 24 hours. I'm not exaggerating. I couldn't pee by myself. I couldn't take a shower. It seems like the end of the world. And then one day, the fog just starts to lift.

Crying all the time to some extent is normal. I cried and was angry about everything. I missed hanging out with my dog and DH and cuddling. I missed my old life. I think this is normal to an extent, but my level of sadness/anger was not. If you don't feel like you're getting better emotionally, talk to your doctor. My DH set up an appointment for me with a psychologist, and I'm SO thankful he did. Once you get into that darkness, it's really hard to belive you'll ever feel normal again. But really, a year later, I have a hard time remembering just how hard it was.

Nursing becomes fun. I dont' think a whole lot of us actually enjoy the first month-six weeks. It's work. It's exhausting. Your body isn't yours. But I am SO glad I stuck with it. It's one of the things I treasure most about my relationship with Max. It's our special time. And I feel extremely proud that my little guy is a year old now, and I don't even know what formula LOOKS like. It's an awesome feeling Mama. It's hard to look ahead further than your next nap right now, just try to remind yourself what a good, positive thing you're doing for you and your baby.

Julia and Maxwell (and Dan and Haddie)
Maxwell, born January 3, 2010
A year on Mama's milk and still loving it

Re: so close to buying bottles & formula

And honestly I am really surprised that he is only nursing every two hours during the day. MOST of us spent the first 6 weeks in our PJs on the couch all day every day.

I agree! The first 3 weeks especially were crazy for me. I swear, I just walked around topless the whole time praying nobody rang the doorbell and at night I actually slept on the reclining couch b/c he nursed so much that it was easier for me to sit back on the couch all night rather than try to get comfy in bed. Also, my DH has a pretty crazy work schedule, so I tried to let him get some sleep at night. Rather than trying to put your LO down after feeding, maybe you could just try to get comfy with him.

But I did hand off baby to DH or my mother who was visiting to try to get some sleep in the evenings. I resisted at first, because I was like "it's not worth only getting 20 minutes before he needs to eat again" BUT they pushed me and when I was in a separate room behind a closed door, it was out of sight out of mind - like he forgot the boob was available and I actually was able to get 2-3 hour chunks of sleep that way in the evenings.

I also had a very hard time with it - I cried a lot and was worried that my crying would negatively affect our breastfeeding relationship - but I had someone tell me that in fact, it would do the opposite - that going through a struggle together would bring us even closer...and I have to agree. Your BF bond will be even stronger when you get through this.

I also know that babies need so many calories a day, and if they don't meet those needs in the daytime - they try to make up for it at night. So maybe you should try feeding baby more often during the day or evening?

You CAN do this - you're doing amazing to be pushing through this. You did the right thing by joining the forum and finding support here. You are NOT alone - there are so many of us who have BTDT and although we can't be there physically with you - we are totally there for you in spirit.

Re: so close to buying bottles & formula

Originally Posted by @llli*sleepymomma

I have a two week old son-my first that I'm trying to breastfeed. My older son joined our family through the miracle of adoption, so I never had this chance with him.
I'm beyond frustrated right now. My son will nurse every 2 hours during the day, but the night time is like an all you can eat buffet. Seriously, he will nurse for 40 minutes, fall asleep then wake up like 20 minutes later acting as if he hasn't eaten in a year. I understand that babies need night time nursing, I get that...but like constantly? I can't do this. I have a 4 year old to take care of too. I mean, he will nurse, fall asleep...I will lay him down and he will wake right back up. He hates his cosleeper and wants to sleep right next to me all night long. My dh went back to work, I cry over everything. I'm a mess. I just feel like a glorified milk truck. I"m this close to throwing in the towel. I knew it could be hard...but hours on end where he wants to be latched on to me constantly? I can't take that. Please someone help!

Oh, mama...I can relate. I was such a mess the first month after our 10 week old was born. I was frustrated. I felt just like you...like a milk machine. I was overwhelmed because I wanted to "interact" with my baby...play with him, etc., but all he wanted to do was eat. It got to the point that whenever I held him, he'd cry if he wasn't on my breast and this messed with my mind because I felt like everytime I picked him up, he cried. My husband would hold him and he'd be fine...restful, quiet. But as soon as I did, he'd start crying. I even became resistant to feeding him...I can't explain the psychology of it...but I would hold off feeding him (not realizing that was making him cry more) because I just wanted to feel like there was something more than me being his bottle. I remember my husband coming to "rescue me" at one point and I just handed him the baby and said "Take him" and I ran to my bedroom like a little girl, threw myself on the bed and, with my husband holding the baby standing in the bedroom doorway, yelled "I just want my baby to LOVE me!" LOL! So dramatic! I can laugh, looking back at it now, but oh, I was such a mess. My baby does love me, but he's a baby...he doesn't express it yet.

What I did come to believe (and others can correct me or disagree) is that everytime I picked up the baby, he could smell me and he associated me with feeding so naturally, that's why he was crying. He wanted to eat. And when he smells me, he wants to eat automatically. He has two states of existance at this early age...he's either sleeping or he's hungry. (Not "sleeping or awake", but "sleeping or hungry") He only wakes to eat. Don't take it personally.

I wanted to throw in the towel and even supplemented with a bit of formula (something I now regret - especially since others around me came to prefer giving him formula - something I had to reverse). Anyway, it did eventually get easier and with some effort, I have managed to return to exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I am back at work now. I pump during the day so he is fed breastmilk while I am working and I race home each night eager to breastfeed my baby. It doesn't hurt anymore...I've finally come to feel like I know what I'm doing with this breastfeeding thing. I can't believe how I got from **there** to here but here I am. It WILL get easier and you will look back on these difficult days and appreciate all you put yourself through and all your sacrifices with great pride. Don't.give.up. You will manage. You will figure it out. You will figure out a way to make it all work.