Allow Me To Mansplain, Dear Pregnant Lady

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PROBLEM: I was out to dinner with a friend when a waiter approached me, interrupted my conversation and told me I “shouldn’t be eating that in [my] condition.” He was pointing to my soy sauce and to my pregnant belly. I was so surprised I mumbled thanks, even though I was not thankful, and he went away. How should I have responded?

MM: I’d turn to anyone who gives me unsolicited eating advice in “my condition” with a look of mock sympathy and say, “Oh my god, I didn’t know gynaecologists were so out of work that they have to wait tables now!”

LG: Ugh, he probably thought he was being helpful and solicitous; they always do, when they mansplain. In your ‘condition’ i.e. in the middle of a conversation with your friend during a meal, I’d go with the standard OK + Thumbs Up, a la Jennifer Lawrence. Snarky, succinct and it lets you get back to the sushi.

KB: There is only one acceptable reply to this unacceptable intrusion: “Do you know what I love to drink along with my sushi and soy sauce? Wine. Please bring me a glass of that, and make it a big one.”

SH: I suggest you go a little preachy here. Clearly, you have done your homework and know what’s good for your pregnant belly. Do some myth-busting for the waiter and shock him with some more food items he can abstain from giving advice on. This way you’d at least ensure it doesn’t happen to you or another preggo at that restaurant again. As for your next time elsewhere, we leave it to your patience.

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First World Problems is a funny advice column wherein The Swaddle Team weighs in on their own and others’ ‘problems.’ Write to us at contact@theswaddle.com or tweet @The_Swaddle with a #FWP hashtag if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately, or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind. We’ll help you sort it out.