I Bet You Look Great in a Cape

Here’s a better idea than a “Muslim ban” that you need your valet/butler/pool boy Donald Trump to put into an executive order. And this vetting procedure will ensure that only people who share your values are allowed to come into the United States.

Here’s the simple test: Hold up a photo of the White House next to the face of any immigrant who wants to come into the United States. If the person’s skin color is darker than the White House, you don’t let them in. In fact you can put up a yuge sign at U.S. Customs with the photo of the White House with these words underneath it: YOUHAVE TO BE THISWHITE TO GETINTOTHISCOUNTRY.

This solves all your problems! This test not only keeps out Muslims but all people who don’t share your whiteness-I mean your vision of America. In fact if you adopt this test I’m thinking you are in line for a promotion. I’m talking bigger than President. That’s right: Grand Wizard Steve Bannon. You know you’ve earned it. Plus I bet you look great in a cape.

Hope these ideas help.

Best wishes from your Muslim friend,
Dean Obeidallah

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Inspired in part by Justin Hendrix’s #postcardstobannon campaign, Dear President Bannon is a virtual safe space for people to share their hopes, thoughts, and feelings with the 45th President of the United States, Steve Bannon. Submit your letters, postcards, drawings, photographs, or videos with the subject “Dear President Bannon” to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.