Adjusting her hard hat, the graying TORC'er looked over the last bit of construction of the main banquet hall of The White Tree Inn. Magnus, the lead Dwarf on the project, had minor trouble with the artistic renderings of the Elven forests that Aragorn wanted. He claimed it would remind him of his younger years in Rivendell, but Magnus thought it looked like a bunch of fluffy stuff. “Get the Elves to do this while you take on the last of the guest rooms.” She suggested as she handed the plans back to the dark haired Dwarf. “We have to be up and running by the first of October. Our guests and contestants will start to arrive then for the games that will begin on the 3rd.”

Magnus nodded as he rolled the blue prints then called for his crew to follow him.

“Cuting it close, aren't you?” Archie asked as he approached. “It looks good so far.”

“Thanks.” Calma smiled. “It took awhile to get all the paper work approved by all the bureaucrats then we had to find an architect and then the builders....” She rolled her eyes. “We were lucky to get Magnus on such short notice.”

“Will you open on time?”

“We should.” She replied with a slight shrug. “If not, we'll have to have everyone camp out someplace.”

Archie chuckled as they couple left the construction zone. “I don't see that happening, my girl.

Archie found her mulling over the list of contestants and the contests she had thought of. He set a cold Coke before her then sat across the table from her. “Problems?” He asked as he sipped his Arnold Palmer.

“No.” The graying TORC'er replied. “Just making some slight changes in the program is all. I'm hoping it will pace the show better.” She finished her notes then looked up. “Thanks.” She lifted her glass and took a sip. “How is the banquet shaping up?”

“The chef is pulling out all the stops and his crew is on the ball.” The tall man grinned. “Saw Louie slither by earlier.”

“Yeah, he and his posse are sponsoring Fred the Ferret this year.”

“I'll put security on alert.” He started to stand.

“Here, drop these off at the printers then hang them at the usual places as well as putting one in the room of each contestant.” He took the papers with a grin and a nod then left her sitting at the table sipping her soda. “Looks like it's going to be a typical MoME.” Calma sighed.

An insistent knock at the door disturbed a quiet evening. Erinhue got up from his desk in the back room office of the Lucky Fortune to answer.

“Mr Bard, I am here from the Middle Earth Insurance Company and I am here concerning the matter of a local inn burning to the ground. I have come to……..”

“Wait a minute” Erinhue interrupted, “if you are here about what happened at the Maiden’s Kiss, I can assure you that I um, we, ah, I had nothing whatsoever to do with that.”

The rather drawn looking man pushed his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose and inquired, “ What happened at the Maiden’s Kiss?”

“Oh nothing.” Erinhue replied hastily, “ nothing at all. Now you were saying?”

“Yes, Mr. Bard..” the man began

“The name’s Erinhue.” Erinhue interrupted again as he gestured for the man to enter the office.

The man from the insurance company sat down at Erinhue’s desk and set up his briefcase. After shuffling a few official looking forms around he picked up a sheet of paper with a lot of small print writing covering both sides.

“Now, Mr. Bard, it seems that there has been some discrepancy in your report about an incident at The Three Queens a few years back. There were a few um other matters involved and well it seems that there has never been any restitution for fire damages incurred. I will assume that you will be making the usual arragnements to take care of that matter.”

“Oh no” Erinhue gasped a look of cold horror creeping over his face. “Oh come on, have a heart, you cant ask me to do that again. It has be an absolute disaster each and every time you have forced me to do this.”

“Yes, Mr. Bard, I am well aware of those, those um efforts. Nevertheless, the company requires your services as sponsor for one of the contestants in this year’s Men of Middle Earth extravaganza. We have set up an appointment for you to meet the candidate this evening. I am sure that you will meet the challenge with your usual aplomb. Good day to you sir.”

The insurance company man packed up his papers and stood up. As he made his way to the door he handed a stunned Erinhue a card and left.

Erinhue stared at the card for a long moment. Slowly he turned and looked up to the shelf where the dragonharp, Agarak, stood. He took a few steps towards the shelf looked up and said.

Before exiting the print shop, the tall man paused to read the posters to make sure they came out as he and Calma had wanted. He nodded his acceptance and left the shop for the inn where he placed the lists of contests in all the proper places as well as in each contestant's room.

Week 1: Red carpet arrivals opening ceremony and banquet:Wear your best tux or suit. Remember to dress to impress. Your judges are watching. After enjoying the hospitality of Gondor, go to the interview room and answer this question: How did your youth influence your decisions during the War of The Ring?

Week 2: River RaceGet in your swim gear then grab a boat, canoe, or Kyak and race your way down the River Ringlo.

Week 3: Highland Games:Show off your strength with caber tossing. Accuracy with Archery and Dexterity with a Highland Dance. And do it all in a Kilt.

Week 4: Essay contest:In 50 words or less tell us how you would ascend to the throne of Gondor and rule the world?

LK opened the door to her room at the newly built White Tree Inn, and gasped in surprise. It was beautiful! “Maybe this judge gig won't be so bad after all,” she thought as she took in the bay window overlooking the courtyard.....the colorful, handwoven rugs on the floor.....the natural stone fireplace where a cheery fire was burning.....the plush chairs and polished wooden tables.....the oversized four poster bed ......the black cat curled up in the middle of the bed......the gilt mirrors and picture frames.....

Abruptly her eyes snapped back to the bed. “SALEM?!?! What....where....how did you get in here?” she demanded, while the cat regarded her smugly with his cool, green gaze. “No, wait. Never mind. I don't want to know,” she said, holding up hand. “But what are you doing HERE? Why aren't you with Iris?”

“I'm here,” Salem replied, rising and stretching languidly, “ because we're judges this year. Besides, I don't even know if Iris is coming,” he added, flicking his ears.

“Where do you get this 'we' stuff? I'M the judge!” LK said, a little crossly. “Ah, but you've never judged a contest like this before,” Salem purred, leaping to the back of a chair so he was eye level with her. “Of course you'll need help. You don't want to make a mess of things, do you?”

Troubled, LK didn't answer. It was true she had been hesitant to accept the position as judge when Calma offered because she was afraid of messing up.

“So you see, I'm here to help you,” Salem continued smoothly. “I will be completely fair and impartial, not at all swayed by the , ahhhhh, 'gifts' the contestants give the judges.”

LK snorted. “The only 'gifts' you'll care about are the ones you can eat!” she retorted drily.

“Speaking of which,” Salem said, eyes lighting up, “isn't it about time for dinner?”

Calma found Archie in the cafe, sipping coffee and looking out the window. He smiled as she approached and signaled the server. “I ordered your favorite.” He said.

“Thanks.” She sat across the table from him. “We lost a contestant.”

The tall man's eyes widened as he set his mug on the table. “Lost?”

“Oh, no.” She shook her head. “Not in that way. Sorry, I should have said a contestant has dropped out.” She smiled apologetically as Archie sat back with a relieved sigh. “Gamling has been recalled to Rohan. His sponsor, Ninui has elected to remain for the pageant and has offered her services as alternate judge. If there is tie, she will be the final vote.”

“That is a good idea.” The tall man nodded as he began his breakfast was set before him. “When are you going to open the fun?” he grinned and winked.

“A couple of hours.” Calma shrugged. “Not everyone has arrived yet.” She sipped her orange juice. “Give them time to get settled and in their best bib and tucker for the red carpet and banquet.”

A stout hobbit came in, full of confidence and swagger. He was followed by Robin, and an entourage of soldiers. "Now Samwise, please don't blow anybody away. It was your idea to come to the competition."

"I, Samwise the Strong am a benevolent ruler. I only blow away evil ones." said the hobbit.

The solders raised their spears and said "Hail Samwise the Strong! Hail the hero of the age!"

"It's time for us to go up to our room and get you dressed for the first event." said Robin.

Frantically, LK searched through her trunk of clothes for the hood to her great cloak. “Come on, Salem! HELP me! We can't be late to the banquet, not this year!”

Salem watched her, an expression of amused puzzlement on his face. “Why do you need that big, silly looking cloak for, anyway? When the food fight starts, we'll just leave like we always do.”

"I CAN'T! Not THIS year!” LK protested. I'm a judge, and I have to stay and watch ALL the contestants. But that doesn't mean I have to have my gown ruined---and this cloak's pretty much bomb proof. BUT I NEED THE HOOD!”

Spotting the hood in a jumble of clothing on the bed, Salem jumped on it and stretched out. Staring off into the distance, he said innocently,” I don't see it anywhere.”

LK

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The graying TORC'er exited her suite the flowing sleeves of her burgundy gown nearly caught by the closing door. With a sigh, she rolled her eyes and made her way down the hall trying not to trip on the hem and sleeves. “If it bothers you so much, why did you choose to wear it?” Archie asked as he walked beside her, also trying not to step on her gown.

“I promised Arwen I'd wear it.” she admitted. “And one simply does not go back on one's word to the Queen of Gondor. It shows bad form.”

“Falling flat on your face shows bad form, too.” He casually mentioned as they entered the elevator and held the door open so Calma could get the back of her dress in before they were captured by them. “I hope you have something less, ah flowing, for later.”

“I do.” She gathered the skirt of the gown into her arms. “I only have to wear this to the Opening Ceremony. Everyone arrive?”

“Not yet.” He replied as the doors opened and they exited. “I did see LadyKat at the front desk a bit ago. Also saw Salem strolling about the front lobby.”

“Good.” She nodded. “She'll be a great judge. You did put in the order for the cat nip bush, didn't you?”

“It's on the way.” He winked as he opened the door to the banquet room for her. “Ah, the stage manager is here.” The tall man motioned to the harried looking skinny man with a clipboard who was on the verge of hyperventilation.

“Go talk him down, Arch. I'll see to the buffet.” She left him to handle the nervous blonde man.

A large carriage pulled up to the side entrance of the venue, depositing a hobbit, a hobbit-like lady and a sizeable cat-like creature, plus a couple of crates and two suitcases.

"What's in the crates again?" the hobbit asked.

"A space bridge," the woman, sort-of hobbit like, but a bit taller and not as round as she used to be, said in exasperation. "I borrowed it from a friend."

The cat, well, not quite a cat, sat and licked one paw. "You have interesting friends," she remarked with a purr, that might have been a laugh.

"You have no idea." The woman flagged down a staff person and asked about someone taking the crates and suitcases to their rooms, then hurried the hobbit in to the check-in counter. "Iris Brandybuck. Bob. And Shadow."

The bored young man at the check in checked off her name, found Bob and said, "Last name."

Iris looked at Bob. Bob shrugged. Until yesterday she hadn't even known he was a hobbit much less anything else...except that he worked for Barliman Butterbur. A last name never occurred to her. "Dunno," he said. "I've forgotten, just got used to Barli calling me a ninnyhammer..."

"Bob Ninnyhammer," the young man intoned, writing the name in his book. Iris started to protest, then thought better of it. "There's an extra charge for pets."

"Pets? I, sir, am NOT a pet!" Shadow leaped up to the counter and stared at the young man. For the first time he showed some emotion...absolute terror. Maybe it was the teeth...they were huge for her relative small size. "I am a clouded leopard. One of the rarest felines in the known world. You, sir, are an idiot, if nothing else."

"Y...Yes. I mean no. I mean...here are your keys."

"Thank you." Iris took the keys and started for the elevator. "Stop terrorizing the staff," she warned. "We need to make a good impression."

"You need to. I just need to keep the raccoons at bay."

<--Visiting the Arctic regions with the TVM!

Cats were once worshiped in Egypt. They have never forgotten this.

"They ask me what I'd like written about me when I'm gone. I hope they write I made Penn State a better place, not just that I was a good football coach." -- Joe Paterno

nl was once again on the bridge of Serenity, Mal lounging indolently in the hatchway, Wash happily at the helm, letting his dinosaurs steer the ship. She could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the mess…but no peep out of Pippin, who would usually be eating if there was food around.

Worried that her latest vict..er contestant was up to something dodgy, pretty much a givenon a ship of outlaws, she went in search of him.

Kaylee, Simon and River were in the mess snacking on strawberries that nl had picked up in Hobbiton, along with Pippin. They hadn’t seen him.

Zoe was cleaning her guns in the medical bay, claiming the swabbing alcohol was better for getting blood out than Kaylee’s industrial alcohol, which would pretty much dissolve the barrel…She hadn’t seen the smallish creature for a while.

She passed Shepherd Book and Inara doing tai chi in the hold. He hadn’t seen the hobbit for a while now, said something about joining Jane in his bunk?

Alarmed at that thought, nl ran to the crew quarters where she heard raucous laughter erupting from Jane’s room. What on earth could those two be gabbing about? Jane would more than likely turn Pippin into a hatrack than be his friend…

“Did you see that?” Pippin grinned, almost falling from the bunk.

“What did you see?” nl asked, pushing aside the curtain. Pippin quickly hid whatever was in his hands from nl’s view.

“Heard of knocking?” Jane growled.

“Heard of Hobbit napping? Never mind. Pippin, what have you stolen this time?” nl asked, tapping her foot on the metal walkway.

“Borrowed. I Borrowed it…for a laugh.” He sheepishly uncovered the palatir.

Nl gasped. How had he gotten that thing away from Gandalf again?

“What did you see?” she asked again.

“Ummmm…Hama getting dressed?” he told her, with a wicked giggle. Jane bellowed in laughter as the horseman was pulling on a pair of red cowboy boots and fell off the chair with a loud grunt.

“Well that’s an eye opener and no mistake.” She laughed, her own self.

“You see, I thought we could use this to… gain an… advantage in the competition. See what the others are up to…” Pippin smiled winningly at his sponsor.

“well, I don’t think there is anything in the rules about spying.” Nl agreed slowly.

“Yeah, those pesky varmit raccoons do it all the time.” Jane added, with a nod. “Now any chance this thing could be used to see some girl contestants?”

“Jane, it’s a Men Of Middle Earth competition. There are no girls.” Nl reminded him.

She backed away from the door then. “Just keep that thing away from my room and you can keep it…for now.” Nl said, wondering if there was some sort of blocking spell for Palantirs. She’d have to consult the Scribe on this as asking Gandalf was right out of the question.

“Are we there yet?” she called out to Wash over the intercom, really wanting to get away from the creepy thing and it’s creepy watchers.She hated being late to these things.

“Landing now….” Wash told her and Serenity was set down like a downy feather outside the White Tree Inn, disturbing the local residents…

Ninui and her escort, Maybon Wynforhttp://mywishlist.ru/pic/i/wish/300x300/004/750/597.jpeg, arrived at the White Tree Inn earlier that afternoon. She had been tired from the journey from Edoras and had taken a a good long rest after they had been shown their rooms. She had been up and about for a few hours now. In that time she had bathed and dressed in the gown she had chosen for the banquet that evening. http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=139840057. Both she and Maybon had decided to keep things simple for the festivities that lay ahead. She understood Gamling's choice to remain in Edoras for his first and utmost priority was to his king and he would not falter in his duties. But a good part of her was still disappointed for she had looked forward in participating.She sat now in a chair that faced a rather large mirror watching as two maidens braided her dark hair with ribbons and beads. It had taken a while to do up her long locks but as they had finished a knock on her door sounded through the room. It was answered and Maybon entered."Beautiful as ever, my dear". he said to her as he approached her chair as the maidens set a silver circlet upon her head. She gave herself the luxury of a smug little smile and wink. With a giggle she took Maybons out stretched hand." I don't really want to stay long at the banquet, Maybon. The last time I misjudged my time the back of my beautiful dress got pied on the shoulder". she said distainfully as they crossed the room and out the door. "If I ever catch the racoon who tossed it won't be so cute and cuddly anymore". Maybon gave a short laugh as he took her arm in his while guiding her down the hall towards the banquet. "I take it the dress was ruined"."That isn't quite the word I use", answering with a short growl. " I had to let that beautiful new gown be consigned to the flames". She sighed once deeply.They entered the elevator at the end of the hall and went down to the main floor. They stepped from the elevator and went to the front desk. The clerk on shift signaled for a young lad to escort them to the banquet room. As they entered the room, "Remember. Not too long. That white shirt won't stay so white if we do".

Calma took one last look in the full length mirror to be sure she was lint free then took a deep breath and walked onto the stage. “Good Morning, Afternoon, Evening to you all and welcome to the annual Men of Middle Earth Pageant.” she paused while the audience applauded and whistled.

“Before we begin I'd like to thank the owners of The White Tree Inn for allowing us to be the first large convention to stay at their lovely establishment. So far we have had no complaints of the accommodations and the staff has been marvelous. How about a big round of applause for all of them.” She stepped away from the podium as the light fell on the owners and staff of the Inn.

Again she stepped up to the microphone and softly cleared her throat. “I'd also like to thank the rulers of this land for the honor of holding our little pageant in their realm. May I introduce their Majesties, King Aragorn and Queen Arwen.” she stepped back, bowing as she did as the royal couple stood and acknowledged the crowd with a smile and a wave.

As the crowd settled the graying TORC'er adjusted the mic and looked out to the audience. “This year our judges are LadyKat and heliona. This year we will have an alternate judge. Ninui will fill that slot. How about a big hand for them.” she smiled as LK, heliona, and Ninui stood and accepted the adulation of the crowd.

“A list of contests has been posted about the inn and the outer courtyard as well as in each contestant's room. There are also extras at the concierge desk. Our contestant's this year are all well known in Middle Earth and very capable of competing with humor and honor. Our contestants this year are:

Peregrin Took or as he prefers, Pippin Sponsored by not listening.Hama the Hero of Helm's Deep sponsored by Tookish TravelerSaruman sponsored by erinhueSamwise the Strong sponsored by Cock RobinBob Ninnyhammer sponsored by Iris BrandybuckFred the Ferret sponsored by Louie and companyJRR Tolkien and Turin sponsored by siddheathWelcome gentlemen and may the best Man of Middle Earth win.

I declare MoME 2016 open.!”

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“See? I told you we'd make it on time,” Salem said, leaping to the judge's table that had been set up in the grand banquet hall, and almost landing in a fancy bowl of mixed fruit.

“No thanks to YOU!” LK huffed, still annoyed at the cat. “I hate being rushed.” Quickly she hung her cloak, the hood now reattached, over the back of her chair so it would be handy when the food started flying. Smoothing the skirt of her gown, she sat down, just as Calma came out to start the ceremonies. She applauded as Calma acknowledged the staff of the White Tree Inn, and thanked the King and Queen for their hospitality. She stood and smiled nervously as Calma introduced the judges.

“Hey! She forgot me!” Salem hissed loudly; LK quickly snatched up a shrimp and stuffed it in the cat's mouth.

“Quite a few hobbits this year,” she said, studying the list of contestants and sponsors. “ And look, Iris is sponsoring one of them. I'm glad she could make it after all. Ahhhh.....will you be helping her or.....” her voice trailed off as she looked at Salem. The cat was sitting, immobile, only his tail lashing in agitation.

“Who....is.......THAT?” he growled, staring at a distant table.

LK followed his gaze and saw Iris with a large, beautiful cat. The cat had locked eyes with Salem, and the two were engaged in a feline staring contest.

“Oh! Ahh...err....I don't know,” LK stammered, her glance going back and forth between the two. “Maybe we can ask Iris later.....” She broke off, realizing Salem was not listening. Sensing a major feline feud in the making, she sighed, and turned her attention to her meal. Better to eat while she had the chance---things could go south really fast at MoME.

Somewhat reluctantly, they changed course and began the sail up the River Anduin towards the White City. Finrod was looking forward to watching the festivities without any pressure, although they did speculate that as the current winner and sponsor, they might have some press duties to do.

Sure enough, as they walked down the red carpet, they had to deliver some interviews, and Finrod was his usual suave self, complimenting the interviewers and contestants alike with a twinkle in his eye. Heliona had to be a bit more careful, as she was judging this year, merely saying that she was looking forward to seeing all the entries.

They made it into the banqueting hall without incident (managing to avoid any mischievous animals), greeted all the guests, and sat down at the judging table. They had also brought some items with which to fend off wayward food, when the inevitable food fight began.

<-- Celebrating Science in the TVM!

Life is short; break the rules, forgive quickly; kiss slowly; love truly; laugh uncontrollably; and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for the might-have-beens. - Arthur Ransome

Just because I have the vocabulary of a well-educated sailor doesn't mean I'm not a lady.

"No need. I am ready." Hama strode to the table and faced the judges. Tooks looked to the heavens for help.

The microphone screeched as Hama leaned forward.

"How did my youth influence your decisions during the War of The Ring? I will tell you. As a young boy I used to have nightmares about being eaten by a big hairy beast. At least twice a week, I was terrorized by this dream. So, as I grew up I learned to fight and be brave. And stay away from hairy beasts. My bravery was already there when it was time to fight the War of the Ring."

"Would you stop trying to stare down Salem?" Iris hissed. "He's a friend...and we might need him at MOST."

"He started it," Shadow said, continuing to stare at the large black cat at the judges table. Hama was approaching now, preparing for his interview, and LK was distracted. Not good.

"Knock. It. OFF!" Iris grabbed a tray of shrimp cocktails from the hands of a startled waiter and placed it in front of the leopard. "Here, eat. We can worry about him later."

The smell of fresh seafood was more than enough to distract Shadow, who tucked in with a loud purr. A quick glance at the judges table told her Salem had given up his staring as well and was calmly starting on a salmon steak while listening intently to the interview.

Turning to Bob, she noticed he was happily enjoying the banquet, a large cloth napkin tied around his neck. Then he stopped and stared. Iris turned to follow his gaze and saw her good friend CR walk in with a rather handsome, and incredibly familiar hobbit.

Archie found her at the judges table chatting with LadyKat and heliona while they enjoyed their meals. Giving Salem a gentle caress, he sat at the table and began his meal. Noticing the black cat's bowl was empty, he poured half of his milk into the bowl then returned to his meal. “Things are going a bit slow, wouldn't you say?” He nodded to Salem who was doing his best not to look like he really wanted some milk as he drank the frothy delight. “Only three have gone down the red carpet and only one has done the interview.” He said as he dug into his shrimp salad. “Hey, who's the new cat across the room?” He asked, reminding Salem of the intruder into his domain.

“ SALEM! TRY THE CRAB CAKES!” LK said loudly, while frantically shaking her head “no” at Archie. She didn't need Salem going off on some rant, or worse, going over to confront the newcomer. But to her surprise, Salem just gave a distainful sniff.

“Who? That loser?” he said around a mouthful of crab cake. “She's just a poor replacement for me.” Heaving a martyred sigh, he continued, “I couldn't help Iris this year since I've undertaken the weighty duties of a judge, so Iris had to find someone to take on my job as her assistant, which is no easy task. I'm sure she did her best, but that leopard, well.....” Heaving another sigh, Salem turned back to his food. “Besides,” he continued smugly, “I won the staring contest. The leopard looked away first!”

Calma's looked highly amused, while LK rolled her eyes and groaned. “By the way, I didn't see Bob on the red carpet,” she said drily. “You didn't happen to notice what he was wearing, did you oh weighty judge Salem?”

"Let's get the interview out of the way," Fred said. "I want to do this then concentrate on eating."

Louie shrugged and led the way to the interview table:

Fred:

Ahem.

During my early years I experienced great hardship. I and my litter mates were raised by my mom in the potato cellar of a potato farmer. Potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. All we got to eat were potatoes. I resolved to escape the potato life, and set out on my own while still a young kit. I found my way to the Prancing Pony, and there I also found all sorts of food!!! I have been very happy there. And then…. I heard rumors. Rumors of war, of orcs, of food shortages. I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to eating only potatoes, or something worse!

So… One day some hobbits came through Bree, and I heard whispers of their quest. They would help stop the food shortages! I followed along and hid in the pack of the one they called Mary –(a silly name). This went on for a while. There were lots of adventures, and I always found food to eat in the pack.

Then it happened. There was a big battle. I jumped from Mary’s pack and bit some bit guy wearing a black outfit in the leg. Someone stabbed him. He died. Long story short… we won. There were no food shortages. In fact, there were some huge pumpkins harvested the next year.

That was my early life and how it affected my role in the .. the… [Louie slipped him a note]…the War of the Ring.