Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive and/or violent tactics perpetrated by one person against a family member or intimate partner, with the goal of establishing and maintaining power and control over that person.

Domestic violence can happen in all kinds of intimate relationships, including married couples, people who are dating, couples who live together, people with children in common, same-sex or gender-nonconforming partners, people who were formerly in a relationship with the person abusing them, and teen dating relationships.

Information for survivors and victims

If your safety or well-being is threatened by a family member or intimate partner, consider the possibility of leaving, either to a trusted family member/friend or to an emergency domestic violence shelter. However, attempting to leave an abusive situation can itself be extremely dangerous.

Emergency domestic violence shelters

Individuals and families who are escaping domestic violence may seek temporary refuge at an emergency domestic violence shelter, generally operated by the advocacy program in that community. Unfortunately, the need for emergency shelter beds is far greater than the space available. As a result, to ensure the limited available space in shelters is distributed fairly and equitably, many programs have been forced to institute waiting lists and screening procedures.

In some circumstances, if local shelter bed space is unavailable or unsuitable, advocacy programs may be able to provide survivors with hotel/motel vouchers or arrange for survivors to be transferred to another shelter in a different area. The availability of these options varies, based upon each program's available funding, relationships with local hotels and motels, agreements with other domestic violence shelters, and other factors. Inquire with your local domestic violence advocacy program for more information.

Pets and companion animals

Pets often become an integral part of a person's life; indeed, many owners consider their animals to be members of their family/kinship unit, equally deserving of love and affection as humans. Domestic abusers and stalkers often exploit this relationship, threatening to harm pets as a means of maintaining power and control over their victims. For these reasons, a growing number of domestic violence emergency shelters are welcoming survivors' pets, with some restrictions.

Calling the police and filing a criminal complaint

This approach involves filing a report with law enforcement, which will initiate a criminal investigation and may lead to the filing of criminal charges against the abuser.

BE AWARE: Oregon is a domestic violence "mandatory arrest" state.

This means law enforcement officers (police officers, sheriff's deputies, state troopers, etc.) are required by law to arrest any assailant(s) if the responding officers find probable cause that an assault has occurred, an assailant has threatened physical harm, and/or the officer has reason to believe that an assault will occur. This law applies to abuse occurring between intimate partners, family members, and/or individuals living together in the same residence (for more information, see Oregon Revised Statutes § 133.055 (link is external)).

Arresting the primary aggressor can often be a life-saving intervention, as the physical separation between victims/survivors and abusers can often provide an opportunity for a victim/survivor to safely escape the abusive situation. However, arrests can also be risky for the victim/survivor when the abuser is released, and can also carry other risks and implications.

Court-issued protection orders

Commonly referred to as "restraining orders", victims of domestic violence in the state of Oregon can petition the courts to issue a Family Abuse Protection Act (FAPA) order, regardless of whether a victim has reported the abuse to the police or filed criminal charges. Filing for a FAPA order is free, and victims do not need an attorney to get one. For more information about protection orders for victims of domestic violence, contact an advocate in your area.

Fair housing rights and housing discrimination

Survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking are entitled to certain protections under Oregon landlord-tenant law. Additionally, discrimination against residents of public housing who have experienced domestic violence is prohibited by federal law, and may constitute a breach of a person's civil rights. Under these laws, survivors are not to be discriminated against based upon violence perpetrated against them. These laws also provide avenues for breaking or splitting leases to help facilitate escape from an abusive situation or to legally remove perpetrators. For more information, click here to find an advocate or contact the Fair Housing Council of Oregon (link is external).

Re-establishing a safe, independent and stable life after escaping abuse is often a complex and difficult undertaking for survivors. The resources listed below may be able to provide support and assistance.

Economic empowerment and financial guidance

Many victims of domestic abuse are forced into financial dependence and even debt by their abuser, as another way for the abuser to exert power, control and entrapment. To help survivors help themselves, financial advocacy and economic empowerment services can include providing survivors with basic money management education, individual development savings accounts (IDAs) and other forms of economic justice.

Public assistance

Many abusers are also the only source of income for the family, which can make escaping an abusive partner even more complicated. In these circumstances, survivors of domestic violence are often eligible for numerous government programs such as Supplemental Nutritional Assistance Program (SNAP; aka: “food stamps”), WIC, and crime victims' compensation.

Public assistance programs and their recipients have been unfairly stigmatized as “free-loaders” and worse. The Coalition strongly believes that there is no shame in using these programs. Programs like SNAP and cash payments for needy families are often crucial to helping individuals and families that have experienced abuse to attain self-sufficiency and independence. Still, whether or not to apply for public assistance is ultimately a personal decision.

For survivors of domestic violence who choose to apply for public assistance, many DHS self-sufficiency offices have agreements with their local domestic violence advocacy program to host co-located advocates on-site. These advocates are specially-trained to provide support for domestic violence survivors who are seeking DHS services.

Transitional housing

The concept of "transitional housing" comes from the broader social services world; it generally refers to low-cost housing options that are an intermediate step for unhoused individuals and families who no longer need or qualify for emergency shelter services, but are not yet able to independently obtain stable housing. A growing number of advocacy programs are also operating transitional housing programs that are specifically for people fleeing domestic violence.

The Oregon Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence's primary responsibility is to provide training, research and other support to our member programs, in the interest of better serving survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and stalking throughout the state. We do not have regulatory oversight or supervisory authority over our member programs.

Types of domestic violence

Abusive behaviors are not symptoms that someone is angry or out of control. An abuser makes a deliberate choice to exert power and control over their partner.

Striking objects, the wall, etc. in view of the victim as a threat of violence

Emotional abuse is a tool used by those who want to make their partners feel scared, crazy, worthless, or responsible for the abuse. The abuser's goal is control over the victim. Emotional abuse may include:

Making jokes about the victim

Insults

Criticizing the victim's competence

Ignoring the victim's feelings

Withholding affection as a form of punishment

Blaming the victim for all problems

Yelling at the victim

Humiliating the victim in front of others

Accusing the victim of being the abusive partner

Threatening to take the children away from the victim

Threatening physical violence

Threatening suicide to punish the victim

Sexual abuse is one of the least discussed, but most common, forms of domestic violence. Sexual abuse may include:

Sexual jokes that make the victim uncomfortable

Treating women as sex objects

Criticizing the victim's sexuality

Using sexual jealousy as a tool of control

Uncomfortable or unwanted touch

Withholding sex as punishment

Demanding sex

Flaunting affairs

Rape

Sex after beatings

Sexual torture

Social abuse is used to isolate the victim from others in the community. The fewer people the victim is connected with, the more control the abuser has over the victim. Examples of social abuse include:

Insisting that the couple spend all their time together

Discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family

Forbidding the victim to see friends or family

Monitoring the victim's mail or phone calls

Checking the odometer

Restricting access to the car or car keys

Telling others the victim is crazy or abusive

Abusers often attempt to establish financial control over victims. Victims who are financially dependent on abusers have fewer resources for escape. Financial abuse includes:

Making all financial decisions for the household

Keeping financial secrets

Monitoring the victim's spending

Controlling the victim's access to cash

Refusing to let the victim work

Forcing the victim to turn over income to the abuser

Domestic violence is a PATTERN

Batterers' intervention programs

In some jurisdictions, convicted domestic violence offenders may be ordered by the court to attend a batters' intervention program (BIP) for a specified amount of time. Batterers' intervention programs attempt to educate abusers about the impact and implications of their behavior, in an attempt to encouraging them to change their behavior.

The success rates of batterers' intervention programs vary widely and are difficult to measure, but the Coalition welcomes these programs, particularly those that work in collaboration with their local advocacy programs, as another component of community coordinated responses to domestic violence.

Note that batterers' intervention programs are NOT comparable to anger management classes or marriage counseling, both of which are unsuitable and potentially dangerous responses to domestic violence. Domestic violence is not caused by uncontrolled anger or interpersonal conflict; domestic violence is both a crime and a choice, specifically the choice by abusers to use methods of physical, emotional, sexual, social and/or financial abuse to wield power and control over their victims.

Angel Flight West (link is external) is an organization that ordinarily provides MEDEVAC and Aeromedical Evacuation services to acute-care patients needing air transportation. However, in certain circumstances, they are able to help relocate survivors of domestic violence who are attempting to flee an abuser.

Women's Law (link is external), now managed by the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV), was launched to provide state-specific legal information and resources for survivors of domestic violence.