Did I ruin my girlfriend's life?

Let me start off by saying I'm a girl and I've been bisexual my whole life. My family and friends know and are ok with it. However, my girlfriend is a bit older than me and has never been with a woman before me. She's divorced and has two kids. Her family is pretty religious and no one knew we had been dating until a few weeks ago. We were getting more serious and I suggested she should let people know. She didn't want to tell anyone, because she knew how people would take it, but i told her that we couldn't move forward if no one knew. Well, it didn't go great. Her relatives ( even her parents ) basically cut off contact with her after they found out ( like i said before they're super religious ). Her ex-husband somehow found out and is now trying to win back custody of the kids after claiming what she's doing is "unholy" ( He's not gonna get anywhere but its still a nuisance for her ). Her friends are distancing themselves from her, because they aren't exactly accepting of lesbian relationships. More recently, her kids are getting bullied at school because they have "two moms". In short, her kids hate me, her friends hate me, her ex-husband hates me, and even her parents hate me. I think I'm ruining her life. We both still love each other, but I think its for the best. She already has enough to deal with and I'm just another pain. Should I break up with her?

5 Answers

Sounds like it. " we couldn't move forward if no one knew"? Why did you feel people needed to know in order to move forward with her? She might have eventually had to face criticism when things became obvious, but she would have done it gradually and in a manner that would minimize the damage. On the other hand, you might have been just fine being private and discrete. You can't just out someone who says they don't want to be outed. People know their own situations and social relationships. If they say they don't want to come out, then respect that.

No. But if you leave her in her hour of need (unless she wants you to go) you will stay and help her stay strong. Sometimes you have to start back at zero again but it helps if you have someone to fall back on to cushion the blow.

At this point, the damage is already done. They hate will still remain, her kids will be bullied even more on the basis that their mom can't even hold a relationship together (because it will be her second break up in a row after her husband), her relatives might still not accept her because they now know she's bisexual... it's a big mess actually. So, if you are going to break it up, you HAVE to go through everything, literally everything. Let everyone know who you are, starting by her relatives, and tell them that you two are breaking things up for her reconciliation with them. If you leave her in the middle of everything, it's just gonna make things even worse for her.