Scholastic apologizes for mistake, says CEO Ahmadinejad

After it was discovered Wednesday that thousands of children’s books had been shipped with Israel missing from a map, Scholastic Press CEO Mahmoud Ahmadinejad apologized for the error, saying, “We regret that Israel was wiped off the map. It never should have appeared there in the first place.”

Sales of the book “Thea Stilton and the Blue Scarab Hunt” soared in Iran on Wednesday, setting a single-day sales record, surpassing the previous record-holders “Charlie and the Uranium-Enriching Factory” and “Oh, the Countries You’ll Delegitimize!” Through what was called by company spokesmen “a completely honest yet wonderful mistake”, a map of the Middle East was printed with Israel replaced by Jordan. While Sudan, Libya and Saudi Arabia appear clearly on the map, the territory of Israel is completely covered by Jordan, painted red.

In response, Israel immediately called off peace talks with Palestinian negotiators and lodged a formal protest with the United Nations, stating, “If the whole thing is Jordan, then why the hell are we talking with the Palestinians?” The UN General Assembly countered by slamming Jordan’s aggressive settlement policy.

Scholastic has grown to become the world’s largest publisher and distributor of children’s books through its book clubs, teaching resources, and Hamas summer camps.

Ahmadinejad added, “I assure you that we have stopped the printing of this garbage until we can make the necessary fixes. Our staff is working on this night and day and no amount of sanctions will stop us from achieving our goals.” A draft of the next edition leaked to the press showed America replaced on the map by “The United States of Pigs and Dogs.”