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I am the favorite shock absorber of my friends. And the ones who frequently talk to me are those suffering from heartaches. I am no Joe D Mango or Ate Charo but they seem to enjoy talking to me when they're sad. I seem to brighten up their days. And they prefer texting/calling me than our other friends. Maybe because I always side with them. And I don't slap them in the face with what their faults are until I know they are ready to face them.But I wasn't prepared with what my friend confided in me this evening - his girlfriend migrated to Australia. He was so sad. And told me the airport story of how his girlfriend cried while leaving. This is a teenage love story, where the family has to migrate somewhere and the girl can't do anything about leaving her sweetheart behind. I was lost for words while my friend was telling me this. Because I'm also not good with this kind of goodbye. It's easier to leave someone after some falling out, but leaving someone just because you have to is a different story. Just like how that old love song goes - the trouble with hello is goodbye. *sigh*

What would I do if someone from the internet harassed me? I’d harass him back; I’d harass him more. Suicide is for the people with low self-esteem. I'm glad I have enough of it to keep me from hanging myself.

Poor Megan Meier. I hope the daughter of the parents who started the hoax commit suicide, too.What's even sadder is that (like on most internet crimes) no charges can be filed against the persons who started the hoax. Well, this thing has now stirred something among the internet enthusiasts, parents, and the authorities. I hope they make some law about internet harassment now.Oh wait, I wanna harass someone first! ><

I play Ran Online again to kill time. I chose Tala server for a change. I already have a shaman in Strife server and I know a lot of people there and I know I won’t be able to have peace if I play in Strife again (just like what the server means... strife!). So I chose a different server. I named my shaman bel_mago (beautiful magician). She is a replica of my Strife shaman named michh.

I’m starting my protein and fat diet. I wanna gain weight. My goal is to add 4kg to my 67kg by the end of the Christmas season. Problem is, the only accessible protein food to me are tuna and eggs. And I can’t live on tuna and eggs alone, especially when I eat 6 times a day. And it’s really a miracle that I don’t get fat despite how many times I eat in a day. I’m so lucky if I were a girl, but I’m not.It's my friend's birthday tomorrow. Michael Jinero Salazar, happy burtdei!

I don't understand why an international beauty pageant would hire hosts with poor English communication skills (and accent) when they had to speak in English all the time.

The Miss Earth production sucked. VJ Utt was a little okay. But the former Miss Earth who co-hosted with him was a disaster. Such a disaster that I turned off the TV and continued watching Death Note instead. Death Note, at least, had subtitles in English.

Suggestion to pageant organizers who would be hiring such hosts: use subtitles!

Been watching Death Note for days now. Currently downloading episode 13. Great plot. I am not an anime fan but the story line got me interested. It's a little dark but I guess that's the thing that got me. How often do we wish (in our state of anger) to have someone killed? A Death Note in the real world is the answer to that. It's also the hippest thing to kill haha.Well, it's about a bright kid who got hold of a Death Note which was accidentally dropped by a Shinigami (Death God). The kid wanted to change the world through the Death Note, i.e., eliminating all the bad guys by writing their names in the Notebook. Bad, bright kid. But yea, I also believe that "the end justifies the means".

I just hope there's also something that's called a Love Note. Now that would really be interesting.

And so my favorite housemate (Marylaine) was the first to be evicted. I don’t actually know why I always seem to have a heart for the ones less liked. In the first PBB season, for instance, I instantly liked Racquel. And she was the one who always got nominated and eventually evicted after 3 consecutive nominations. And then this Marylaine who I instantly liked got instantly disliked by majority of the housemates. I seem to have the compassion for the less liked… Ah, yeah, I forgot to mention I also liked Sanjaya Malakar.

I have long ago wondered about Muslim wives - how they feel about sharing a house with the other wives, sharing their husband's income, not to mention sharing the love, attention and bedtime hours of their man.

As having no Muslim friend, i just resigned to thinking that they no longer find it far-out since it's part of their culture; that growing up with something disgusting will not make you realize its disgust, therefore embracing it, loving it as something wonderful. Very much like the Roman Catholics with their idolatry.

But then a tv documentary on Muslim wives 2 nights ago changed my views. Not one of the interviewed women was happy about sharing husbands - the financial hardships, the jealousy among the wives... A Muslim man even admitted that it was normal to have a favorite among the wives. Such cruelty on mothers, don't you think?

Reminds me of my mom when she found out about my father's mistress. She was shattered it almost ruined her; almost ruined us. But when something happened to the mistress and my step-brother was left unattended in my father's office, my mom was ever so kind to bring my step-bro to our house. He only stayed for the day, though, but the idea of my mom bringing home a child of my father with another woman is so noble for me. She was crying at that time but her good heart remained for a helpless child. I guess that's the case with the Muslim wives - they don't like it but cannot do anything about it - especially when they are born and have been prepared with the idea of being just one of the many wives.

This verse of the poem The Sea by Natividad Marquez always comes to me whenever there’s an unanswered question in my mind. Why does the sea laugh, Mother? A child asks his mother about the sea and the mother answers him in the next stanza. I encountered the poem when I was in the 4th or 5th grade and I don’t really know why it sticks with me. I was not a very inquisitive child. Until now, whenever I have some questions, I would rather seek the books or the internet first before asking anyone for the answers. I’m close to my mother but I am not really the sort who asks questions unless it’s a matter of life and death.

It is thinking of the joys, my childThat it wishes everyone.

And it’s not that my mother’s not ready to answer questions. It’s more like I can’t say it. Perhaps that is why I like writing fiction and blogging. I’d rather put my thoughts into written words than say it out loud.

Why does the sea sob so, MotherAs it breaks on the rocky shore?

Ok then don’t go out with me. I’m such a bore.

It recalls the sorrows of the world,And weeps forever more.

But this is not saying that all who blogs are like me. I know some talkative, flamboyant people who blog as well.

Why is the see so peaceful, Mother As if it were fast asleep?

I used to keep a journal when I was in highschool up to before I learned about using the internet. My accumulated journals was a stack of notebooks and binder fillers i used to keep in an old gift box. There were about 9 notebooks and lots of binder fillers. I actually kept the box in a drawer of my old study table that my niece is now using (as she now has my old bedroom). Due to high risks that she might read it, I burned the notebooks last month. I actually re-read some before burning them, and oh boy, the worries of a child! I didn't really wanna get rid of them, but thinking that people might know my innermost thoughts and secrets through it (after I'm gone or even before that), I chose to burn them.

There are days that I don’t really feel like going out, especially when I wake up in the morning and the bathroom mirror tells me I don’t look okay. I guess that’s the male counterpart of the female’s bad-hair-days. Like you can’t make the mirror say you’re okay no matter how hard you try to smile in many different ways – in my case, trying to smile like Sam Milby and Carlos Agassi to no luck.

This morning was one of those. It started with this light-headed feeling that lasted the whole day. I am so used to sleeping 5 hours. And the fact that I had my 8 hours the night before last shouldn’t be a problem at all. Then the bathroom mirror was so terrible that I wanted to buy a new one. I looked the same as when I looked at the mirror yesterday, by the way, but I really couldn’t point out what was wrong or different.

Then mom told me my light-headedness was due to lack of sleep.

Books tell us that sleeping 5 or less hours a night is unhealthy, will even increase the risk of high blood pressure. They have even put 5 hours under the “lack of sleep” category. I am not saying the books are wrong, but then what if I already feel okay after 5 hours and that sleeping longer than that makes me groggy? I really think this “lack of sleep” thing should vary from person to person; that it all depends on an individual’s feeling of “sleep satisfaction” or “sleep deprivation”, whether he had 8 or only 5 hours of sleep, that we can tell if he lacked sleep or not. After all, what’s not enough for Juan may already be good enough for Pedro.

In the case of the bathroom mirror, I don’t think it’s related at all with this lack of sleep issue. If my light-headedness this morning was due to sleep deprivation, I just have to state the fact that that mirror’s meanness had hit me even on the days that I had my 8 hours.

I’m definitely buying a new mirror on my next trip to the mall.

On other notes, here's a cellphone video of my friend Micoy (Michael Jinero Salazar) performing with his band. This was his last performance before he (temporarily) stopped being with the band to give way to his midterm and final exams. The video and audio are not so clear but i'm posting them, nonetheless.

I should have known and prepared, October is such a busy month – physically, financially, and emotionally. I have high hopes on the financial part, though, because I ventured into another business. It made a bump in my wallet but like everyone going into a business, I’m expecting more in return.

And how timely it was when I turned on the tv this afternoon. It was tuned in to Knowledge Channel – I really wonder who last watched the tv – and the topic was the pros and cons of going into a business. Not that I’m still a newbie on this part but investing a big part of my limited money on something new makes me paranoid. The pros were the usual you’ll be working for yourself and you’ll be managing your own time thingies. And the list of disadvantages all sum up to this: what if no one patronizes your business. I was like awwwwwwww! I hope that doesn’t happen to me.

So the new business explains my physical and financial exhaustion. How about the emotional one? Well, this pic explains it best. I’m not an emo, though.

A cute picture although I have a feeling they are both guys. Oh, well, it's the message that counts. I feel that way right now, really. And if I have the will, I'll change Manila's location to Canada... next to Alberta.