Strengths:

The following issues with referencing have been identified in this essay: 1. The writer of this essay should have used some more current academic sources, i.e., published within the last five years. Two of the three sources cited in the essay were published in 2004.

2. There is lack of consistency in referencing conventions in this essay. For example, in two of the sources, i.e., Biddle et al. (2008) and O’Carroll, Potter and Mercy (2004), all words in the article titles are capitalised. However, in the second source by D’Orio and Garlow (2004), only the first word in the title is capitalised.

3. In one of the sources cited in the essay, the volume number of the journal is not italicised while it should have been. In addition, the page number in one of the sources is italicised while it should not have been.

4. A hanging indentation need to be used in each reference entry, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.

Weaknesses:

1. The essay has a clear structure- it consists of an introduction, three main body paragraphs and a conclusion.
2. The thesis statement gives a clear account of the three ways to solve the problem of suicide that are logically developed in each paragraph.
3. Cohesion is well-established between paragraphs via the skilful use of signposting phrases, e.g., The first solution, A second way, etc.)
4. Research-based evidence from three different sources is well-integrated throughout the essay.

Problem Solution Essay Three:

The influence of the Internet on youngsters’ suicidal behavior

Internet has introduced many changes and improvements to different spheres of people’s lives. However, various web sites currently are open to abuse, especially by youngsters who are considered to be the main users of global network. This leads to a major problem because most illegal sites created by unknown people are publishing information influencing teenager’s suicidal behavior (Biddle et al., 2008, pp800-802). The researches show that many online chat forums and pages promoting suicide exist on the internet and the effects are very serious causing an increase in number of young self-murders (British Medical Journal, 2008). More and more young people are becoming victims of damaging web portals, however the issue could be solved, if The Ministry of Education and parents cooperate to control children’s occupation at their free time, if the governments rule internet provider’s activity and if youngsters themselves aware the negative influence of such online pages.

The first solution to the issue of harmful influence of the internet on youngsters’ suicidal behavior is The Education Ministry’s and parents’ team work in controlling children’s free time activities. Schools should provide the students with a good psychological support, sport activities, social clubs and volunteers’ organizations, while parents should control children’s attendance to them. Moreover, ”general suicide education” might be taught in schools and colleges in order to give the students basic information about self-murder, warn of the irrecoverable effects and encourage them to help and support their peers “who are at risk for suicide”(O’Carroll, Potter and Mercy, 2004, p4). Obviously, this education system cannot reduce the number of online sites providing information about suicide methods, however it could be helpful to occupy students at schools rather than in internet portals.

The second way to overcome the problem related to influence of illegal web pages on youngster’s suicide is government’s intervention in internet providers’ activity. In Australia, for example, it has been against the law since 2006 to advance the concept of suicide and publish information about details and methods of this process (British Medical Journal, 2008).It appears possible, that filtering and blocking online pages propagandizing suicide could solve the issue. On the other hand, it is very difficult to find out about every illegal page because hundreds are created and developed systematically. It is therefore essential to develop suicide prevention sites and provide different online forums containing psychological and mental support for young people.

The next strategy to decreasing internet power on suicide could be youngsters’ awareness of such harmful web-pages’ existence. It is necessary to mention that the first two solutions provided in this essay will not have any noticeable result if young people themselves do not understand that online chat rooms or forums promoting suicide will only aggravate the situation. The governments, in this case should also take responsibility to improve their awareness. As D’Orio and Garlow noted,” there needs to be a comprehensive public-relations campaign to educate the population that suicide is a preventable problem”(2004, p132).

To conclude, the strategies provided on the negative influence of different web pages on youngster’ suicidal behavior will not be easy to implement. It will be difficult to include subjects about suicide prevention in education system or block all illegal web sites at once. However, if these strategies would be implemented together with people’s awareness of the problem, the matter would be easier to overcome.
References

The influence of the Internet on youngsters’Issue No. 1: A more academic phrase young people’s should be used instead of youngsters’ in the essay title.suicidal behavior

Legend:

InternetIssue No. 2: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun Internet.Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 3: The word Internet needs to be capitalised. has introduced many changes and improvements to different spheres of people’s lives. However, various web sitesIssue No. 4: The word web sites needs to be spelled as one word- websites.currently areIssue No. 5: The adverb currently needs to be placed after the auxiliary verb to be in the sentence. open to abuse, especially by youngstersIssue No. 6: A more academic phrase young people should be used instead of youngsters.who are considered to be the main users ofIssue No. 7: The writer should be more specific about the age of young people.global network.Issue No. 8: The definite article the needs to be used before the phrase global network.Click here for Definite Article issue This leads to a majorIssue No. 10: The indefinite article a should not be used before the plural noun phrase major problems.Click here for Indefinite Article issueproblemIssue No. 9: The plural form of the noun problems should be used in this sentence. because most illegal sites created by unknown people are publishing information influencing teenager’s suicidal behaviorIssue No. 11: A more appropriate phrase behaviour with regards to suicide should be used in this sentence.
Issue No. 12: The word behavior needs to be spelled as behaviour. In the interest of consistency, American English spelling should be replacing with the British English spelling. (Biddle et al., 2008, pp800-802Issue No. 13: The full stop is needed after page numbers pp. in the parentheses.). The researchesIssue No. 14: A more precise Biddle et al. needs to be used instead on the phrase The researches in the sentence.Click here for In-text Citations issue show that many online chatIssue No. 15: The word chat is redundant in the phrase online chat forums.Click here for Redundancy issue forums and pagesIssue No. 16: A more precise word webpages needs to be used instead of pages. promoting suicide exist on the internetIssue No. 17: The word Internet needs to be capitalised. andIssue No. 18: A comma needs to be used before the conjunction and in a compound sentence.Click here for Comma issue the effectsIssue No. 19: The statement needs to be made clearer and more precise by adding of this after effects in this sentence. are very seriousIssue No. 20: The conjunction specifically is needed to narrow down the effects of the Internet.
Issue No. 21: A comma needs to be used before the interrupter conjunction specifically in the middle of the sentence.
Issue No. 22: A comma needs to be used after the interrupter conjunction specifically in the middle of the sentence.Click here for Wordiness issue causing an increase in number of young self-murdersIssue No. 23: A more appropriate noun suicides should be used instead of self-murders. (British Medical JournalIssue No. 24: No journal name British Medical Journal needs to be used after the citation in the parentheses. The authors’ names Biddle et al. have already been stated at the beginning of the sentence. Therefore, only the year of publication is needed.Click here for In-text Citations issue, 2008). More and more young people are becoming victims of damaging web portalsIssue No. 25: A more appropriate noun websites should be used instead of web portals in this sentence., Issue No. 26: The sentence needs to be divided into two shorter sentence to avoid having the run-on sentence. howeverIssue No. 27: The capital letter H needs to be used in the word However at the beginning of the sentence.
Issue No. 28: A comma needs to be used after the conjunction However at the beginning of the sentence.Click here for Comma issuethe issue could be solvedIssue No. 29: The statement needs to be made clearer and more precise by using the phrase The suicides could be reduced., Issue No. 30: No comma should be used after before the if-clause in the complex sentence.Click here for Comma issueif The Ministry of Education and parents cooperateIssue No. 31: The past simple tense of the verb cooperated needs to be used in the if-clause of an unreal conditional sentence.Click here for Tense issue to controlIssue No. 32: A more appropriate phrase better guide should be used instead of control.children’sIssue No. 33: It is not entirely clear whether the writer is talking about children or young people in the essay. They need to be more precise about the age.occupation at theirIssue No. 34: The phrase occupation at their is unnecessarily wordy in this sentence.Click here for Wordiness issue free time, if the governmentsIssue No. 35: No definite article the should be used before the plural noun governments.Click here for Definite Article issueruleIssue No. 36: A more appropriate verb influenced should be used in this sentence.internet providerIssue No. 37: The apostrophe should be used after the plural form internet providers’ in this sentence.activityIssue No. 38: The plural form of the noun activities should be used because more than one activity is implied here. and if youngstersIssue No. 39: A more academic phrase young people should be used instead of youngsters. themselves awareIssue No. 40: The auxiliary verb to be in the past tense needs to be used before aware in this sentence.
Issue No.
41: The preposition of needs to be used in aware of. the negative influence of such online pages.

The first solution to the issue of harmful influenceIssue No. 42: The definite article the needs to be used before the phrase harmful influence.Click here for Definite Article issue of the internetIssue No. 43: The word Internet needs to be capitalised. on youngsters’Issue No. 44: A more academic phrase young people’s should be used instead of youngsters’.suicidal behaviorIssue No. 45: A more appropriate phrase behaviour regarding suicide should be used in this sentence.is Issue No. 46: The preposition via needs to be used in this sentence. The Education Ministry’s and parents’Issue No. 47: No possessives should be used in this sentence.team work inIssue No. 48: The phrase team work in is unnecessarily wordy and needs revision.Click here for Wordiness issuecontrollingIssue No. 49: A more appropriate word guiding should be used instead of controlling in this sentence. children’s free time activities. Schools should provide theIssue No. 50: No definite article the should be used before the plural noun students in this sentence.Click here for Definite Article issue students with aIssue No. 51: No indefinite article a should be used before the noun phrase good psychological support.Click here for Indefinite Article issue good psychological support, sport activities, social clubs and volunteers’Issue No. 52: No possessive should be used in this sentence.organizationsIssue No. 53: The word organizations needs to be spelled as organisations. In the interest of consistency, American English spelling should be replacing with the British English spelling., while parents should control children’s attendance to themIssue No. 54: The phrase to them, which is vague and unclear, needs to be replaced with a more precise phrase at school.. Moreover, ”general suicide education” might be taught in schools and colleges in order to give the students basic information about self-murderIssue No. 55: A more appropriate noun suicides should be used instead of self-murders., warn of the irrecoverable effects and encourage them to help and support their peers “who are at risk for suicide”(O’Carroll, Potter and Mercy, 2004, p4Issue No. 56: The full stop is needed after page number p. in the parentheses.). ObviouslyIssue No. 57: The use of the overly strong language like Obviously should be avoided in academic writing.,Issue No. 58: A semicolon needs to be used before however in a compound sentence. this education system cannot reduce the number of online sites providing information about suicide methods, howeverIssue No. 59: A comma needs to be used after however in a compound sentence.Click here for Comma issue it could be helpful to occupy studentsIssue No. 60: The conjunction while should be used in this sentence. at schoolsIssue No. 61: The singular form of the noun school needs to be used in the phrase at school.rather thanIssue No. 62: The statement needs to be made more precise and clear by adding the phrase them using. in internetIssue No. 63: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun Internet.
Issue No. 64: The word Internet needs to be capitalised.
Issue No.
65: No preposition in should be used before Internet in this sentence.Click here for Definite Article issueportals.Issue No. 65: The word portal is redundant in this sentence.Click here for Redundancy issue

The second way to overcome the problem related to influence of illegal web pages on youngster’s suicideIssue No. 66: A more concise phrase suicide rates among young people should be used in this sentence. is government’sIssue No. 67: No possessives should be used in this sentence. intervention in internet providers’ activity. In Australia, for example, it has been against the law sinceIssue No. 68: A comma needs to be used before since to set off the interrupter phrase since 2006 in this sentence.Click here for Comma issue2006Issue No. 69: A comma needs to be used after since to set off the interrupter phrase since 2006 in this sentence.Click here for Comma issue to advance the concept of suicide and publish information about details and methods of this processIssue No. 71: The phrase of this process is redundant in this sentence.Click here for Redundancy issue (British Medical JournalIssue No. 72: The authors’ names Biddle et al. need to be used instead of the journal name British Medical Journal.Click here for In-text Citations issue, 2008).It appears possible, Issue No. 73: No comma should be used before that clause in this sentence.Click here for Comma issuethat filtering and blocking online pages propagandizing suicide could solve the issue. On the other handIssue No. 74: A more appropriate conjunction However should be used in this sentence., it is very difficult to find out about every illegal page because hundreds are created and developed systematicallyIssue No. 75: The word systematically is redundant in this sentence.Click here for Redundancy issue. It is thereforeIssue No. 76: A comma needs to be used before therefore to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.
A comma needs to be used after therefore to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.Click here for Comma issue essential to develop suicide prevention sites and provide different online forums containing psychological and mental support for young people.

The next strategyIssue No. 78: The phrase A final suggested strategy should be used instead of The next strategy because this is the last of the three strategies focused on in this essay. to decreasingIssue No. 79: The infinitive form of the verb decrease should be used after to. internetIssue No. 80: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun Internet.Click here for Definite Article issue
Issue No. 81: The word Internet needs to be capitalised.powerIssue No. 82: A more appropriate noun influence should be used instead of power in this sentence. on suicide could beIssue No. 83: The statement needs to be made more precise and clear by adding the word increasing before young people’s awareness.youngsters’Issue No. 84: A more academic phrase young people’s should be used instead of youngsters’ in the essay title. awareness of such harmful web-pages’ existence. It is necessary to mention thatIssue No. 85: The use of a wordy phrase It is necessary to mention that should be avoided in this sentence.Click here for Wordiness issuetheIssue No. 86: The capital letter T needs to be used in the word The at the beginning of the sentence. first two solutions provided in this essay willIssue No. 87: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression may.Click here for Hedging issue not have any noticeable result if young people themselves do not understand that online chat rooms or forums promoting suicide willIssue No. 88: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression may.Click here for Hedging issueonly aggravate the situation.Issue No. 89: It is not entirely clear which particular situation the writer is talking about in this sentence. The governmentsIssue No. 90: No definite article the should be used before the plural noun governments in this sentence.
Issue No. 91: The capital letter G needs to be used in the word Governments at the beginning of the sentence.Click here for Definite Article issue, in this caseIssue No. 92: A comma should be used after in this case to set off the interrupter phrase in the middle of the sentence.should also take responsibility to improve their awareness.Issue No. 93: It is not entirely clear whose awareness and awareness of what specifically the writer is talking about in this sentence.
Issue No. 95: A concluding sentence needs to be added at the end of the paragraph because aa academic paragraph should not end with a quotation. As D’Orio and Garlow noted,” there needs to be a comprehensive public-relations campaign to educate the population that suicide is a preventable problem”(2004, p132Issue No. 94: The full stop is needed after page number p. in the parentheses.).

To conclude, the strategies provided onIssue No. 96: The phrase to address needs to be used instead of the preposition on in this sentence. the negative influence of differentIssue No. 97: A more appropriate adjective specific should be used instead of different in this sentence. web pages on youngster’Issue No. 98: A more academic phrase young people’s should be used instead of youngster’. suicidal behavior willIssue No. 99: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression may.Click here for Hedging issue not be easy to implement. It willIssue No. 100: The claim should be mitigated by using a hedging expression might.Click here for Hedging issue be difficult to include subjects about suicide prevention in educationIssue No. 101: The definite article the needs to be used before the noun phrase education system in the sentence.Click here for Definite Article issue system or blockIssue No. 102: The statement needs to be made more precise and clear by adding the phrase access to after the verb block. all illegal web sites at onceIssue No. 103: A more appropriate academic expression simultaneously needs to be used instead of at once.. However, if these strategies wouldIssue No. 104: The past simple tense of the verb to be needs to be used in the if-clause of an unreal conditional sentence. be implemented together withIssue No. 105: A more appropriate academic expression alongside needs to be used instead of together with.people’s awarenessIssue No. 106: The statement needs to be made more precise and clear by adding the phrase increasing before people’s awareness. of the problem, the matter would be easier to overcome.

ReferencesIssue No. 107: The following issues with referencing have been identified in this essay: 1. The writer of this essay should have used some more current academic sources, i.e., published within the last five years. Two of the three sources cited in the essay were published in 2004.
2. There is lack of consistency in referencing conventions in this essay. For example, in two of the sources, i.e., Biddle et al. (2008) and O’Carroll, Potter and Mercy (2004), all words in the article titles are capitalised. However, in the second source by D’Orio and Garlow (2004), only the first word in the title is capitalised.
3. In one of the sources cited in the essay, the volume number of the journal is not italicised while it should have been. In addition, the page number in one of the sources is italicised while it should not have been.
4. A hanging indentation need to be used in each reference entry, i.e., every line after the first line should be moved a few spaces to the right.

Activities:

Question 1:
Why is ‘youngsters’ not an appropriate word to use in this essay?

A: Because it is unclearIncorrect: It is clear that this word means young people. However, it is informal and should be avoided in academic writing.

B: Because it is informalCorrect: The use of youngsters should be avoided because it is too informal. Informal vocabulary should be generally avoided in academic writing. Youngsters should be replaced with a more formal phrase like ‘young people’.

C: Because it is too specificIncorrect: This is not a very specific word. This word refers to young people in general. However, the use of youngsters should be avoided because it is too informal.

Question 2:
Which of the paragraphs in the essay needs a clear summary/transition sentence at the end?

A: Paragraph 2Incorrect: The last sentence of the paragraph is a summary sentence.

B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: The last sentence of the paragraph is a summary sentence.

C: Paragraph 4Correct: This paragraph requires a more general summary sentence at the end because it finishes with a direct quotation. This should be generally avoided in academic writing.

Question 3:
At the beginning of which paragraph does a signposting expressions needs to be replaced by a more appropriate one?

A: Paragraph 2Incorrect: This paragraph contains an appropriate signposting expression The first solution, which clearly introduces the first main point of the essay.

B: Paragraph 3Incorrect: This paragraph contains an appropriate signposting expression The second way, which clearly introduces the second main point of the essay.

C: Paragraph 4Correct: The signposting expression The next strategy should be replaced by a more precise expression The final suggested strategy. This needs to be done in order to make it clear that the writer is introducing the last solution that they outlined in the thesis statement in the introductory paragraph.

Question 4:
Which of the three sources from the References is cited inaccurately in the essay?

A: Biddle et al. (2008)Correct: Instead of using the authors’ names in text, i.e., Biddle et al., the writer has cited the source by the name of the journal, i.e., British Medical Journal, in the 1st and 3rd paragraphs of the essay.

B: D’Orio and Garlow (2004)Incorrect: This source has been cited accurately in the 4th paragraph of the essay.

C: O’Carroll, Potter and Mercy (2004)Incorrect: This source has been cited accurately in the 2nd paragraph of the essay.