The best way to break up: Ignore his texts

LOS ANGELES — At xoJane, Victoria Carter has mounted a campaign against the slow fade, a defining phenomenon of romance in the age of the text. Here's how it works: You go out with someone anywhere from once to a handful of times. Over text message, you exchange some niceties, share links to topical web videos, or draw up vague future plans. Then, your romantic prospect's chat bubble suddenly stops popping up on your phone. You never hear from him again.

The fade, Carter says, is a source of soul-sucking frustration for the modern dater. "When you disappear into the ether without any indication why, all I can do is come up with a million and a half reasons why you're not into me," Carter writes. "I'm not a . . . mind reader." The fade "is cowardly and at its root, dishonest." If only the uninterested party would clarify its position in an explicit text, "I will feel validated that you had enough deference for whatever we had (even if it was just one night) to know that it needed to be ended in a mature and thoughtful manner."

As someone who has been in the position of both the fader and the faded, I respectfully disagree. No matter which side of the phone I am suddenly not texting from, I prefer the unanswered text to the explicit break-up missive. To be clear, if the relationship has advanced to a mutually understood level of seriousness or exclusivity, you better put your fingers to work. And to be fair, the slow fade is not the optimal avoidance method. It's not kind to string people along after you've made up your mind, and it's rude to ditch on concrete plans. Better to stage a quick dissolve: If you go out with someone a few times and are just not feeling it, the clear, elegant solution is to just never text them. Ever. Again. (It's worth noting that the quick dissolve is not simply a convenience of the digital age — it also works at parties).

For all the ambiguity attributed to the fade/dissolve, no digitally-literate dater is legitimately confused by an unanswered text. "We all know when it's happening," Carter admits. That's why, she says, the fade is "also known as: 'Get a clue, it's not happening.' " The idea that a direct message is necessary to cement a relationship's end is yet another obfuscation. When it comes to modern digital relationships, the rhythm of the exchange tells us as much as its literal content, and it doesn't take any specialized skill to read between the lines. If you're initiating all the texts in the relationship, the recipient just isn't that into you; if you're not getting any texts back, the recipient isn't into you at all.

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No text message is going to definitively resolve those "million and a half" reasons why your crush might not have been into it, and maybe that's for the best. If you're searching for personal insight from someone with whom you spent a couple of evenings out of the 30,000 you've got on this Earth, I'm afraid you've got the wrong number.

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Hess is a writer and editor in Los Angeles. She blogs for DoubleX on sex, science and health. Tweet at her @amandahess.