Catfish's Nev Schulman: How to Avoid Being Catfished

The reality host answers reader questions and dilemmas.

Nev Schulman has been hosting the reality dating show phenomenon known as Catfish since 2012, helping strangers ascertain whether the person they've been communicating with online is who they say they are. The MTV series is currently in its fourth season, airing Wednesday nights, and it's taught 30-year-old Schulman a lot about the ways humans interact and what we're looking for in terms of love. "The biggest lesson so far that I've learned is to listen to people," Schulman says. "I spent a lot of time in my life making a lot of noise and getting in people's faces, and not listening at all. I didn't understand anything about compassion. Now my job, in many ways, is to listen to people, and I've realized how incredibly important that is. It's powerful to give someone your attention."

Schulman doesn't necessarily think Catfish will have a profound effect on human relationships generally, although he continues to be surprised by how many stories there are to tell—and that so many people are willing to have their stories told on TV. "My approach changes every episode," he says. "I'm constantly questioning what I'm doing, if we should be doing it all." The future of Catfish beyond this season remains uncertain. Schulman has other projects in the works, including a special, Truce, that airs tonight at 11 p.m. EST after Catfish. "I'm building a platform for myself to move in new, different directions," he notes. "I'm still figuring out what that is. I'm not sure of anything!"

Still, Schulman has picked up some valuable life experience along the way, so we enlisted him to offer advice to fans and readers who are figuring it out themselves. And we promise it was really Schulman who answered these, not some weird guy in Indiana on his laptop pretending to be Schulman.

What is the meaning of life?—Ishar

That is a question that only you can answer for yourself, as mine is very different from yours.

How do you pick up the pieces when a long-term relationships comes to an end?—Joe

Like any situation where you lose someone there are stages of grief. For me, one of the most important parts of it is the loneliness. We hate being alone and as human beings we're not designed to be alone, so the hardest thing is remembering you can exist and you can have a life and be happy on your own. You don't need somebody else for that. So I don't know if it's about picking up the pieces so much as reconnecting with yourself and being more honest with how you feel. Accept that it's going to be uncomfortable and lonely and that's okay. Don't avoid that.

What's your best advice for a single 25-year-old girl focused on her career goals?—Samantha

Keep doing exactly that! Don't let anything get in your way. This is the time you should be selfish and focused on your goals.

I'm turning 30 in June and I'm freaking out. I feel like I'm supposed to be in a certain place in my life by now. How did you deal with it?—Rebecca

To be honest, I felt pretty good about where I was when I turned 30. I still have no idea where my life is going, but I felt like I'd committed to something and I was moving in a direction I felt good about and I'm making stuff I feel proud of. I was very excited to turn 30 and turn the page. While my 20s were great, I'm confident my 30s will be even greater. I'm fortunate that way and not everybody necessarily gets that. But the advice I've always been given is that your 30s are always the best. People take you more seriously, opportunities come up, you take yourself more seriously. Any pressure we feel about achieving a certain thing at a certain time is mostly self-fulfilled. I'm still figuring it out, too! And that's the main answer—you're never going to figure it out and you'll hopefully keep questioning everything and trying new things and making mistakes. Just enjoy it.

How can I tell my crush that he's my crush?—Robbie

I think being direct is always best. Whenever I have a crush on a girl, I always let her know by simply telling her, "I think you're adorable and would love to go out with you some time."

This might sound weird, but I have trouble making new friends. It's hard when you're an adult (I'm 28). Any advice?
—Ben

One way to make an effort to engage with people is to host dinner parties. A good way to develop friendships is to invite a few people over and ask them to ask a few friends. Maybe have a party of eight people for dinner. You can create a group and organize weekly or monthly parties, and different people can host them. That's a good way to make new friends and it's something I wish I did more myself. I don't really have a schedule that allows for consistent dinner parties, but maybe you do.

You're the exact right person to answer this question: How can I be really sure I'm not getting catfished when online dating?—Jimmy

There is no way to be sure until you're standing in front of the person looking them in the eyes, and even then people can present a version of themselves that may not be authentic. Love is a risky business, so the best advice I can give is to go for it, but be careful.

I'm in my last semester of college, majoring in English, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Like, literally no idea. Help!—Mel

Well, I certainly have no idea what you should do with your life. Best advice I can give is go on an adventure. Leave everything you know behind and find a new place with new people. Sometimes the best thing you can do to find your way is get lost.

I want to get a dog, but that feels like a really big commitment and I'm terrible at commitment. How can I get better at that so getting a dog is a good idea?—Amy

Get the dog.

Do you think money can actually buy happiness? If not, what are some surefire ways to get it?—Raymond

Money absolutely doesn't buy happiness. This is something I am learning firsthand. Things don't do it either. The only way to be happy is to be challenged and satisfied by the things you do and the people you love.

I'm 32 and single and guys are never interested in me. I'm pretty and fun (I think) but I don't get asked out and guys I meet just seem disinterested. I'm not into online dating. What should I do? Or should I do anything?—Betty

First of all, you are pretty and fun. Don't just think it—know it! I'm a single guy in my 30s and I'm feeling more and more like the urgency and the expectations I once had about having kids young and being married by now, I've had to let go. I'm accepting that when and if I meet the right person it will feel right. The best way to prepare for being in love is to learn how to be independent and on your own and confident and happy. But you do need to put yourself out there. You should go on dating websites if you're serious about it. There are other people out there who are serious about it, too, on the more legit websites.

What's the most important thing you know now that you didn't know when you were 20?—Kent

Just be honest. It's sounds cliché and a little cheesy, but every chance I get to be more honest with people and myself and practice communicating in ways that might be intimating in terms of directness, I'm constantly finding myself rewarded. I could have easily said that at 20, but I didn't really appreciate the value of being confident in saying exactly what you mean and knowing when and why telling the truth is essential to your own happiness. You have to learn to be honest with yourself and that's the thing that really sets you free.

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