“Bring me a worm that can comprehend a man, and then I will show you a man that can comprehend the Triune God.” – John Wesley(Photo by Susanne Schuberth)

This is not a new post. I put this article as a featured blog entry before all others on my home page since after rereading, I just found out that this writing expresses now, more than one year later, a lot of what I have been going through since then. As for publishing new and inspired blog posts, I will have to wait for Him to inspire me once again in the days ahead, whenever that may be. 😉

Lately I began to wonder when this seemingly endless process of dying to self finally would be over. To be completely honest with you, I had given up any hope of ever seeing His light again, just as the apostle Paul said here, “… we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.” (2 Cor 1:8-9 ESV) Just now as I checked the context of these verses, I saw some encouragement I unintentionally had ignored before. Paul wrote there,

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.” (2 Cor 1:3-7 ESV)

The apostle told us here that we all have to go through the same sufferings. However, if we endure these God-ordained pains, we will be able to comfort those who are afflicted by God, too. In fact, we can only share this particular comfort we have received from God in our own afflictions before. If we have not received this kind of comfort, we have nothing to offer others which is both precious and helpful in God’s eyes. And someone who has never shared in the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings will not be able nor inclined to comfort another one, either. Quite the contrary, such a one will remain a self-seeker who tends to rule over others instead of serving them. What I found so encouraging above was verse 7 in particular that speaks of Paul’s confidence regarding those who suffer according to God’s will. He knew that these would certainly be comforted by God, either directly or through their more experienced brethren.

So, back to my first statement where I still wondered when this special sort of suffering (dying to self) will be over. What hit me last week was a rather short quote from T.A. Sparks where he had raised the following questions and had answered them without delay. He wrote,

When did we die? When did you die? There is a sense in which you never die in yourself, you die only in Christ. That is when you died. Christ’s death is your death.

It was so encouraging for me to read that it is not about coming to the end of my old self (which never seems to happen, either). Instead, it is simply about being transferred from one realm to the other, from the old creation and nature into the new one. IN Christ we have eventually died Christ’s death, or rather, we share in His Death He died on the cross for us. But oh, how long it needs to really be able to enjoy eternal life IN Christ on a permanent basis!! Yet when it happens, it has all been His work. Even, it was already finished on the cross. Nonetheless, we need to experience the fact of Jesus’ cry ‘It is finished!’ ourselves, today, in our time. And we cannot get there unless God by His grace bestows this heavenly birth on us from above. But finally we will see that the following is all true. Paul said,

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Cor 5:17 ESV)

Regarding the term ‘eternal life’ I found another quote by T. Austin Sparks the day before yesterday, which offers a seemingly simple explanation of what experiencing ‘eternity’ for us might mean. Sparks said,

Then you know how often in the Word this life is called eternal life. “My sheep hear My voice”, said the Lord Jesus. “I give unto them eternal life, and they shall never perish” (John 10:27,28). This life is eternity of life. You see, it has no beginning, it is not something of time — that is the first Adam. The last Adam — out from eternity, passing through time on into eternity, timeless life…

What sprang out on me was the remark about eternal life having NO beginning, like the Eternal God, the I AM who has no beginning and no end. Eternal life, thus, has nothing to do with time, with death (we shall never perish!), and with all those normal limitations we are confronted with every day. I assume many of you have experienced situations in life where you forgot about time completely. Whether that happened when you were a child playing unconsciously of itself and you were oblivious of time and space, when you were in love for the first time, or when you observed an impressive phenomenon of nature. The list is not finished…

Well, since eternal life has no beginning, be prepared… you might experience it any time soon. 😉 Oops… it seems as if I had been my own ‘prophet’ once again since one day after having written this part before the ‘Oops’, I had another amazing experience with God again. In fact, I have felt quite sick for some days now and for two days a very strong headache has kept tormenting me too. After a not so long night’s sleep, I awoke quite early today and could not get back to sleep because of this hammering headache. Instead, I tried to pray which did not help for a long time, either. As I got up from bed I suddenly thought, “Oh, what was this??” The only thing I could sense was that I somehow observed my body while getting out of bed. However, that was not the normal and limited ‘Susanne-awareness’. Indeed, there was someone (something?) that looked somehow out of me and watched me doing what I was doing. Hmm… you might think now that I am incapable of explaining THIS properly and you are right. It is impossible to describe experiences of ‘divine consciousness’, of ‘oneness with all creation’, or of near-death experiences (if you have not read it as yet and like to read more, cf. for instance My Testimony). But what all these experiences have in common is that they give us a foretaste of eternal life. You might have read about such overwhelming and supernatural occurrences from people all over the world, no matter which religion they believed in. Yes, even atheists experience such elevated states of mind!

But what I saw today is that these experiences MUST have an end as long as there is still darkness inside of us. We need to be enlightened by the Holy Spirit until all that was dark before has completely dissolved in His light. Only then we will see Him as He really is. Only then our heart will be so pure that we can enjoy God’s presence everywhere and anytime, no matter the circumstances. The only way to get there is to endure God’s scrutinizing light that makes us share the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings and the power of His resurrection, too.

Apropos fellowship, this morning my Catholic kitchen calendar reminded me with a Bible verse (1 Jn 1:7) about the WHY we cannot have fellowship with everyone. In fact, we are all called to love God, our neighbors and ourselves. That is true. And you might know that our old nature is not able to do so since it is a limited version of our real self. We truly need to be born from above in order to possess divine qualities and to be able to love our enemies with an unconditional agape love. If we have fellowship with God and Jesus in the light, we can also have fellowship with other saints who walk in the same light (1 Jn 1:3,7). But take note, we are not called to have fellowship with the darkness which is Satan’s realm. Instead, the apostle John told us,

“If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 Jn 1:6-7 ESV)

Walking in darkness means to cover our sins and to present us as if we were righteous on our own. Dear brothers and sisters, as for having fellowship with one another, we need to be completely honest and transparent toward one another because we need to expose our inner darkness and our deep heart wounds. This is anything but easy (it is painful!!) and it is even impossible for our old nature that loves to wear a mask in order to look better before others and to not be hurt again. So, before we earnestly seek fellowship with another believer which makes us share God’s glory too, we need to get aware that our old self will be stripped from all selfishness and self-righteousness during this process of “iron sharpening iron”. Being made one with God and one another means that finally there will be no separate self any longer. There where were two separate beings before, there will be one new and unified being that shares the same heart and mind (God’s!). Yet our God-given individuality won’t disappear at all. Quite the contrary! We can only become who we were created to be if we are being made one with God and with one another in the Body of Christ.

In closing, a special thanks to my husband Paul Schuberth for inspiring me regarding the title. Actually, I thought I was more or less done with my article yesterday (which was not true), 😉 yet I could not find a heading which I liked at all. As my hubby suddenly came into our office, I asked him to suggest a title although he had no idea what I had been writing about. Paul only said, “Awakened!” and I knew at once that this word was God’s idea. Isn’t it funny how God sometimes acts? 🙂

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40 thoughts on “Awakened to a New Life… IN Christ”

Gal 2:20 I have been crucified in Christ. Nevertheless, I live. Yet not I, but Christ lives in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of Christ, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Louise’s memory version 🙂 )

There are so many things you touched on here, that to comment on each thing that pricked my interest would be imprecise. Suffice it to say, like you experienced waking up, to see inside yourself, as you would see yourself from the outside, is in part seeing as if through Christ’s eyes. That is indeed an awakening.

Yes ART, many things have been touched on here. Your description of how to somehow look through Christ’s eyes makes a lot of sense to me. It was as if I observed my own body simultaneously from the outside and from the inside. Actually, I was not much concerned about the physical consition of my body, either, just as I had experienced it during my near-death experience in 1998 (part of ‘My Testimony’ which I linked in the article above). All of it has been VERY difficult to describe, indeed. 😉

I am in such agreement with ART. You have touched on many things Susanne. And although I feel more awakened it seems that I can also see where there is much more that needs to be shed. Alas, so hard in some circumstances.

Just to give one example that first stood out…

And someone who has never shared in the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings will not be able nor inclined to comfort another one, either.

I am able to see such beauty in the uglies but when for some reason someone who is so close, it is so hard to see that it makes me (as you will, transparent) the rage. I want to run and have no fellowship with this individual. And it also reminds me that I am not totally healed.

How can we go forward if we don’t look to the past as our experience? Why all this hatred? But like you said also which is encouraging that God comforts us in some way whether through Him directly or some other more experienced brethen.

Here it is here for me that I want to love unconditionally and that is no lie, I of myself cannot do it.

I am saddened to hear about your most painful throbbing headaches as that is happening to my new found again friend too and wants to be left alone until he feels better. And automatically the old pains of rejection kick in. So I have been examining that as well. Trying to stay balanced is not easy. Being patient as well is not easy. This is all new for me as I am being AWAKENED once again. I am wanting to move forward and be free. I don’t like feeling trapped.

I am grateful for this blog. I love you so much. God help me! LOL Again?????

That was a very honest and refreshing comment by you, dear Stacey. ❤ Thanks a bunch for your edifying words! 🙂 I believe you are on the right spiritual path. Do not worry, my sister! He will help us and change what we cannot change in us “for it is God who works in [us], both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” (Phil 2:13 ESV)

Susanne, you are more that welcome to the reblog. As for seeing ourselves as if we are outside of our bodies is one thing, but I think the more life changing and traumatic form of seeing comes when we see our hearts (that part which is eternal where eternal life or eternal death exists) as God sees them. It is painful to see those areas in which we are not walking in the Light of Christ as HE is in the Light and that pain causes me to cry out that He would cleanse me not only by the blood of Christ, but by HIS transforming LIFE within me. Like ART said, there is so much in this blog. It is filled with spiritual reality that calls for us seek the working of both the death and the LIFE of Christ within us.

Well, it is hard to describe what I experienced this morning, but I decided to copy and paste a part of one of my responses on here. I wrote,

It was as if I observed my own body simultaneously from the outside and from the inside. Actually, I was not much concerned about the physical condition of my body, either, just as I had experienced it during my near-death experience in 1998.

As for seeing our true heart condition, I am reminded of John of the Cross, once again, who wondered after having gone through his dark nights how it could have been possible that God’s tender light had turned out such a cruel experience to the soul that was still in darkness. It is not that God hates us – He always loves us – but as long as we are not on the same wavelength with God we suffer… and suffer…ntil we see in us what God has seen all the time. But when we realize what is still wrong in us, the time for healing has come too.

Hello, Susanne! I am sorry to hear of the sickness that has been plaguing your body. Headaches, for me, are debilitating…I do not function well with one at all. Though I’ve never known a migraine. Anyway…what struck me the most in what you wrote was this:

“Dear brothers and sisters, as for having fellowship with one another, we need to be completely honest and transparent toward one another because we need to expose our inner darkness and our deep heart wounds. This is anything but easy (it is painful!!) and it is even impossible for our old nature that loves to wear a mask in order to look better before others and to not be hurt again.”

I have seen both sides in my life and in an email conversation I’ve been having, they said that being open and honest is to be vulnerable… And this is so true and so hard. Those who are still living with a mask are quick to judge or condem or even mock a vulnerable heart. Whether it be online or in person. And I would have to say my biggest writing struggle is what you wrote right there. To be transparent, in Christ, and not be masked or impersonal.

As for this headache, I am doing much better now. Thanks for your comforting words, my sister. 🙂

Yes, you are right as for this struggle to be vulnerable by being honest about our true heart condition. Indeed, I believe we need to be very cautious to not open up toward everyone, only toward those God has put on our heart and with whom we feel very safe. I do know how it feels to be hurt online and elsewhere too because I have always been rather open in my writings, like you. The more open you are, the more people come and try to ‘save’ or ‘fix’ you. I don’t need that any longer. Whenever someone writes a comment in which they tell me what to do in their (often not so humble) opinion, I delete that stuff permanently unless I hear God’s tender voice through them.

Amen, to that, Susanne. Unless I hear His voice and love in these “corrective” comments, they go in the round file. God is plenty able to speak to me when I need to hear Him and His voice cuts deep when it comes through a loving saint that walks in His light.

Yes, cautious…a new way for me. I have opted out of comments on my blog for now. Not due to any controversy, merely a desire to write/share as the Lord leads and leave it at that.

It is good to come to a place where we can say and know ‘I don’t need that any longer.’ Having been fearful of confrontations, especially religious ones, I’ve backed off from writing what has been on my heart to do so. That is living for the approval of men and not of God…sigh. But that is off topic.

In Watchman Nee’s book The Normal Christian Life he writes: “For what is here referred to (Romans 6:13) is not the consecration of anything belongie to the old creation, but only of that which has passed through death to resurrection. The ‘presenting’ spoken of is the outcome of my knowing my old man to be crucified. Knowing, reckoingt, presenting to God: that is the divine order. When I really know I am crucified with him, then spontaneously I reckon myself dead (verses 6 and 11); and when I know that I am raised with him from the dead, then likewise I reckon myself ‘alive unto God in Christ Jesus’ (verses 9 and 11), for both the death and the resurrection side of the Cross are to be accepted by faith.”

I could go on. The entire chapter – The Path of Progress: Presenting Ourselves to God – was exceptional!!

Our old (wo)man has died! I reckon myself having been crucified with Christ! Oh!!! And I then reckon myself ALIVE – or as your title so beautifully states: awakened to a new life.

I do understand what you said about opting out of comments, Becky. A few times I closed the comments section too because I felt urged to do so. I did not want to see someone messing up what God had been telling me to share and I did not want to get hurt by such commenters who did not get my deep level of suffering at all, In fact, the more you suffer, the more vulnerable you are regarding thoughtless input. Therefore I felt I also needed to protect myself until the Lord gave me more of HIS strength.

Yes, the more faith we receive from God (the faith OF Jesus Christ), the more we realize that we are truly dead regarding our old nature.

What you wrote about religious confrontation is something I have known too. It was enlightening for me to see that there was a controlling spirit behind such people. Basically, they were rather insecure about their own belief and doing, but the more people they could convince of their (wavering) belief system, the more secure they felt. This is certainly not the security or assurance God can give us through the anointing with His Spirit. So, we can only pray for these people and hope God will open their eyes to His truth. Fellowship or any closer contact with such ppl makes no sense at all before they have opened up their heart and let us see who they really are because they want to rule over us. Danger!!

Susanne, you wrote: “Basically, they were rather insecure about their own belief and doing, but the more people they could convince of their (wavering) belief system, the more secure they felt.” Wow. No, not the security or assurance God gives us. Anyone wishing to rule over us is a danger!

I agree and am seeing that more and more. I have a tendency to bare all on the sidelines and then get rebuked big time. I can handle some correction and willing to accept it but then depending on whom it comes from I really have to question it. Does it bring me comfort?, Does it me me to examine my behavior?, Here is the big one. Does it bring me fear? Or a sense of uneasiness? Is it right about me or wrong? Do I need to jump and obey their warnings? Or do I need to just take a few steps back? You are right Susanne. Very few people I dare lately tell my issues too. Lately I am realizing even though I can’t hear very well on the phone there is truly one voice I do understand and that is my best sister in Christ! She is fiercely loyal! We have always been there for each other at least by phone. Not so much in the flesh anymore. She loves me something fierce. And I love her! I trust her with my life. The problem is though with me is that my pride can get in the way when I am in distress, so I suffer alone most of the time. Especially in these last 3 years after slowly coming out of that very dark pit of hell that lasted 3 years prior. And just since Michael introduced me to you, you’ll just never know that you are the wind beneath my wings!

Yes and Selah! It is the Lord I know it so. At least my feet are not that painful anymore. The kids and I talk about flying all the time. We love to fly in our dreams. It is so freeing when you do fly.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.”

Susanne, this is a great commentary on just what it means to die and live IN Jesus Christ who is our eternal life. Recently, I have been experiencing what it means to walk in His life and death. The Spirit has been using the words of a dear saint to shine His light on my darkness. When I was young being raised by my very strict father, I was never allowed to be rebellious. His words and desires were LAW! So, I grew up without the freedom that most children have as they discover life. As a result I have had no mercy in me for children that show any rebellion in their ways. Deep down inside of me I resented not being able to enjoy my childhood and children who had the freedoms that I never had.

So, the result of my harsh remarks to this dear saint about their own rebellious teenager was for them to see through my judgmental words and point to something in me that was NOT walking in the Light of Christ… putting myself in the judgment seat of God. They felt the break in our fellowship immediately as I spoke my harsh judgment toward their daughter. Darkness had come in where there had been light.

What to do? Was I to hang onto my self-righteous assessment of the situation, or was I to repent and apologize? If we had not been sharing in the grace of God and been in His light together, I probably would have clung to my lofty view of the situation and not come down and asked their forgiveness once I saw that I had offended them, but the joy of walking together in the Light of Christ being endangered was more important than me being “right.” So, in humbling myself before our Father and before them, the blood of Jesus, His Son, was made available to me in my repentance and the Light we walk in was restored. It also opened me up to praying for their teenage daughter with love in my heart. As for eternal life in this situation, God knows this daughter’s end from the beginning of time and He is already working the eternal Life in her through the prayers of the saints that are in her life including her parents. Thank God that, “It does not yet appear what we shall be, but when Christ appears we shall be like Him for we shall SEE HIM AS HE IS!”

Thank you, dear sister, for sharing your life and the Life of Christ in you with us all.

Thank you very much for your encouraging words, my dear brother. I so appreciate your honesty with which you describe your recent struggles. God who knows your heart also knows why these deep wounds from your childhood can make it difficult for you to relate to others who had a more comfortable time in their parents’ house. Michael, God loves you very much and you are truly His friend. I know it! 🙂

Be blessed with every divine blessing, my brother! Walking together with you in His light is an awesome experience and I am so grateful to God for this gift from heaven.

Oh, Michael! It is so easy, is it not? To sit in our seat of judgement… I do this in regards to the self-righteous, and I am humbled as of late with the reminder that God is for us ALL…If that were not the case, I myself would not be here, reading Susanne’s blog, replying to you. I have been contemplating Saul’s conversion and heavens light that brought him to his knees. How quickly we can read that as anything other than the weight of heavenly love bearing down on a man who could no longer deny it. God is good to us, Michael. His heart is for us, moving us towards that same heavenly love, both to receive and then to give. In His love for you. Signed, me.

Thank you, Becky. I have come to realize that by me being under the law of my earthly father and obeying whether I liked it or not, it made me judgmental of other children who were free. It was a masked form of hate parading itself as (self) righteousness. What made it worse in my case is that when we would be visiting another family with kids, if one of them was verbally corrected for something, my dad would blame me and out would come his belt. I got where I would avoid other children and became a loner until my little brother came along, then I had no choice and, yes, I was always the one at fault even then it seems.

You are right in seeing God’s weight of love bringing Paul to his knees. I never saw that before. Imagine the surprise he felt when he found out that he had actually been persecuting the Christ and not some religious cult as he had thought?

“Oh, Father, please open our eyes to see people as you do, with your great love. Amen.”

I do not operate in so lofty a realm, but take great comfort from 2 Cor. 1:3-7. What we endure, God allows us to endure for His purposes (often for the benefit of others).

Believing those purposes are for good can take enormous faith. If we do not yet recognize God’s good and holy nature, our suffering can seem the whim of a heartless deity. But that is only the skewed and false view Satan urges upon us.

What, as Christians, we must come to terms with is that the process of sanctification is lifelong. We are called upon to submit to His will again and again, until our obedience is perfected.

While God may not always make Himself known during this process, He never abandons us. I am reminded of Jessica McClure, the toddler who fell down a well years ago. Rescuers worked non-stop for over 48 hours to reach her. Meanwhile, the little one — alone in the dark — sang nursery rhymes to comfort herself.

That purity of heart is our goal. But we cannot achieve it for ourselves. So God does the work for us and — like a master surgeon — on us.

It pains me to hear of your suffering, Susanne. Please, know that you are always an inspiration.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me, dear Anna. Your words are both wise and comforting to me.

Yes, purity of heart is our goal and only God knows how long it needs to get there. I know you have endured a lot of pain and suffering in your life, too, and you may know you are on my heart and in my prayers, Anna.

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“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."
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