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February 09, 2010

Physical Fitness: Forget It. It's Totally Not Worth It.

Forget about living better, living longer, being stronger. Eat Cheetos and fudge cake and sit on the couch. Seriously. Being fit isn't worth it.Yeah, I just sprained my knee.

It's ironic: I had a workout tonight that was fantastic, until I came down off the step in a particularly inartistic manner, felt something go "pop" in my right knee, fell over, and yelled things that my Sainted Mother would be shocked to hear (or not; she's known me a long time).

Scared my trainer half to death, it did. Scared me, too: I wasn't sure if I would vomit, pass out, or cry. Then I wasn't sure I could stand up. Then, I wasn't sure if I could walk. The verdict is: standing, okay; walking, difficult; lateral movement, don't even try it. I can hobble with my knee half-bent, but I have to be careful, because it will allovasudden just stop working and I'll fall over again (hollering more earblistering obscenities).

I'm writing this Monday night to be published Tuesday morning. Come publication time, I'm sure my knee will be swollen, purple, unhappy, and I'll be at the Doc-In-A-Box, trying to get a better brace than an ACE bandage. I have to work, after all. This isn't the first time I've damaged a knee, but it's certainly the most dramatic.

So, take it from me: just give up. Don't try to be fit. Ditch the jumping jacks, the burpees, the mountain-climbers. Get sloppy and pudgy and forget about being strong. All fitness gets you is a three-inch-wide compression bandage that your neighbor was kind enough to go out to get you, two naprosyn, and a bottle of beer. (What? You didn't know that RICE involved beer? It does. Trust me on this.)

Although--and I have to give my right leg its due--if my thigh and calf muscles weren't so strong, the damage would likely have been much, much greater.

34 comments:

I sprained my medial meniscus in June: I was on crutches for three weeks before I could put my foot down. When I started physical therapy (after two weeks) my PT was very pleased with me when I said I'd read the label on the knee brace (excuse me, "immobilizer") about losing thigh muscle while wearing it, and said "I don't THINK so" and immediately started doing leg lifts in bed. I'm back to normal now except for some yoga flexibility--and strength in side plank on that side. Getting there.

Sorry to hear about your knee. Hope it heals today, or sooner than today.As far as fitness goes, I suspected it was an overblown hype. I love how I feel on the day of a heavy workout. Then comes the next day, full of cravings, aches and pains. ... and then I workout again.

Ugh, my knee is throbbing just hearing about your injury. Believe me I totally understand--it's been years since my knees didn't hurt every day. My advice, do the whole RICE thing, but get yourself to a good physical therapist and work it until you're better. You'd be amazed how quickly muscle deteriorates when you can't move your leg at all.

Hi Cranky,I just found your blog from Marks Daily Apple. I am new to the Primal Thing and really like your attitude. Now I read you are stopping this blog! Just my luck, I am always at the right place, but a little late. Hope your knee gets better. Michael

I'm so so sorry about your knee. Ouch!! mine hurts just reading about it.

Thank you so much for the advice. I've been reading about cutting calories, not cutting calories. strength training, adding cardio.....it seems so much easier to go eat a pan of brownies and be done with the whole thing. (I'd do it too if I didn't enjoy the way I've been feeling as I get fit so much)

Jo, you said: Ditch the jumping jacks, the burpees, the mountain-climbers.

These are three exercises I can easily give up doing. When I exercise to Jillian Michael's DVDs, she expects me to do these things. Well, I'm 52 freaking years old and jumping jacks make me want to pee. Burpees make me want to toss my cookies and mountain climbers, well, if I want to climb a mountain I'll go check out Mt. Everest! Ya know, I think you're right - that extra weight around my middle needs feeding, not workouts! Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your injury.

Cranky, I am so disappointed to read that you are signing off at the end of the month. I love your blog, mostly because it is a LOT like mine! :) We have similar writing styles, philosophies, and points of crankiness. Hope your knee feels better, been there. I am currently whining over an ear infection. :(

I'm just coming off a broken hand from a fluke accident (please don't ask). It has been frustrating. Here's the bright side. My workouts were going great prior to my little mishap. I'm healing faster than expected and will get back to where I was in far less time. Keep the faith.