January 16, 2015

Now,, before you judge me I don't mean the kind of side chick like I was with Basketball and Old Man. I guess you can say there's this new age version of side chick that's totally different from "dating" a married man.

This new kind of side chick is still the chick that is temporary,, but she plays temp to a single man that keeps her around until he finds the one HE wants to give his heart,, time,, and loyalty to. I must admit I'm not sure if this particular version of "side chick" is me,, but there are many times I feel like SHE is ME.

I met this cutie a little over a year ago on a social networking site. We completely hit it off. He was so sweet and I just LOVED his accent. Our conversation was nonstop and he made me feel like he actually cared about my day When he asked " how was your day?" or "How's work going?". I had never had anyone ask me something so simple,, and because I had never had that happen I was feeling him more and more.
We'd been talking a couple of months and the question of us finally meeting came up. Of course I was excited, I had actually been ready to meet him face to face after the first couple of weeks of talking.

We make plans for me to come to him (he lives about 500 miles away) it was cool with me cause I actually preferred coming to him. I drive 7hrs and finally the day and time have come for us to see each other. I'm nervous as hell ,, cause honestly I don't even think I'm pretty enough for a guy as cute and just all around attractive as he is. But he takes one look at me smiles and gives me one of the best hugs I had ever had! His strong arms wrapped around me,, slightly lifting my heavy ass off the ground. He just holds me for a few minutes.

I'm just taking it all in: his hair color,, his eyes,, the way he feels,, his scent.........everything little thing about him. I couldn't help but smile to myself. I couldn't help but think that I was actually pretty enough and good enough for him. He finally releases me,, grabs my bags and leads me into his house.

That first visit didn't go too well after one night together and a disagreement I ended up packing my bags and going back home. We didn't talk for a few days after that,, maybe a text here or there but nothing like it was before. Honestly I didn't think things would go back to how they were,, but to my surprise they did.

Time passes and we have a bond closer than ever,, we've even taken some trips out to see each other,, but like always when I think things are good between us,, something goes wrong. This go around....it was something I just wasn't expecting. I'll admit this particular incident still bothers me and it really makes me feel like I should've left a long time ago,, but yet I'm still here.....

January 4, 2015

2014 has come and gone and I can't say that too much has changed. I mean not too much has changed in a positive way. I'm still the black sheep,, but it doesn't really bother me. I just play my role when necessary so my "family" can save face for those they actually think care about our functionality. Financially,, things are better and worse at the same time. Worse because I've made some extremely stupid and terrible mistakes,, but better cause I know not to even THINK to do that shit again.

Me and my new friend have made it past the one year mark (come to think of it I don't think I told y'all about him,, let alone named him.....) I'll have to back track and tell you about the shit he and I have gone thru in another post. Just thinking about it makes me hang my head a little cause some of the stuff is just plain ole ridiculous.

Hmmmmm,, what else?????? I'm happier now that my sister has moved out of state. I don't feel so "judged" by my family now that she has moved away. We were never really close so I wasn't all that broke up about it when her final box made it's way to the trunk of her car. Sounds bad,, I know. But, I would rather be honest about it than to pretend like everything is all hunky doory. I mean let's face the facts we've never been close and New Years doesn't exactly erase any problems or conflicts you have. If anything New Year's makes you more aware of your problems and conflicts. Think about it..... another fucking year has come and gone and shit is still fucked up.......

Still clocking in at a job that I hate,, but thankful I have one at the same time. Well I take that back. I don't really hate the job so much ,, just the people. One person in particular..... Debbie Downer aka Nancy Negative aka Connie the Complainer. I think you get the gist. This bitch is never HAPPY! I've never met someone who turn almost everything into a negative. You could come in and say "hey guys I gotta a new car!" her retort would be something like "now you have to spend more money on gas and then you won't be able to pay your bills .... then you'll lose your house and be homeless,, then die." Seriously she's really like that and I hate to even see her shit in the work place because it makes me more aware that she's there.... Ugh come to think of it I gotta see this bitch tomorrow....... SHIT!!!!!!!!

well I gotta cut this one of cause my sweet little crumb snatcher wants to play Disney Jr.