All of these words, this post as a whole, is the name for what/who/how I am right now. People ask “how are you?” or “what are you feeling?” or even “what’s up?” and I simply don’t answer because there isn’t an answer. Simple, concise words don’t exist in this language to express or explain any of what’s sitting inside my head and heart. But this, what you wrote here, this is the label, this is the name of it, this is the feeling that doesn’t have a spot on the “feelings chart”. Maybe next time someone asks, which unfortunately isn’t that often anymore given that I never answer, I’ll just hand them a link to this post.