Tag: should haves

PERSPECTIVE: I, WE, HE, SHE, THEY, OR IT SHOULD HAVE

We can give should a lot of power over our lives if we are not careful. I don’t care who we are shoulding. When we should a person or situation, we are fighting the reality of what is. Shoulding is a form of shaming ourselves and others. I used to use should haves to beat myself up in ways way beyond what anyone else could ever do to me. I used should to keep me prisoner of my self-proclaimed pity party. I also used should haves against other people and situations to keep me prisoner of my past and to punish them. The should haves create toxic energy. The question is, do you really want to be carrying that around? If we carry that energy around with us, it will unconsciously seep into what we feel, think, and do.

What should have been is an illusion and a toxic one at that. It is NOT reality. What happened is what should have happened, because it is what happened—that is reality. What are we going to do with what happened? No reason to waste time and energy on on should haves. Empower yourself and your energy to move you to make the changes you can make right now.

If we didn’t do something:

What did we learn from not doing it?

Are we committed to doing better next time?

What can we do right now to help us to move past our learning experience (let it go, forgive ourselves, pray, express gratitude for the lesson, etc.)?

If someone else or others didn’t do something:

What did it teach us about the person and/or group?

What choices do we have in the present to change the affect of their actions on our lives?

How will be proceed with this person and/or people (accept, forgive, walk away, stand up to, report, etc)?

If we believe something should have been different:

What lessons can we take from the situation?

What positives came from the situation?

How can we shift our energy to accept the reality of the situation?

TODAY’S PERSPECTIVE CHALLENGE

Challenge yourself to shift your perspective from should have to a more productive energy booster for you. Anytime you hear should have pop into your thoughts—challenge it. Ask yourself questions like the ones up above. See how your energy shifts. Be conscious of how you feel when you think should have.

Where do you feel it?

How does that feeling move through your body?

After you have gained perspective, check in again.

How does the thought feel?

Where do you feel it?

How is it affecting your mood to think about learning instead of fighting the reality of what already happened?