Mums share details of secret 'runaway funds' they hide from their partners

Claire Haiek |
January 24, 2018

Apparently it's far more common than we think.

DAILY DILEMMA- More Women Setting Up 'Runaway Funds'01:18:15

DAILY DILEMMA- More Women Setting Up 'Runaway Funds'

24 Jan 2018

1 year

Marriage means different things to many people, but one common theme is that it is a pairing. A joining of two people who commit to spending the rest of their lives together.

Well, that's the hope in most cases, right? I mean nobody enters into a relationship expecting it to end ... or do they?

One woman has posted to parenting forum, Mumsnet, asking the usual question, 'Am I being unreasonable?'

"Met a friend for coffee today and we got chatting," she wrote. "I told her how I was trying to start saving a bit of money each month to have a bit of financial back up in case the car breaks or we need a new dishwasher, etc. She then told me she saves around £200 [AUD$350] a month and puts it in her 'runaway fund'. She was horrified that I didn't know what a runaway fund was."

The woman's friend went on to explain that it is an account that she keeps secret from her husband in case they separate and she needs to leave in a hurry.

It is more of a security blanket for the woman, who claims to be very happy in her marriage, with no intention of leaving, but she said that "every woman should have one."

The woman then asked the wise people of the internet if she should start her own runaway fund, adding "I would feel guilty keeping that from my DH [darling husband]. Has this always been a thing?"

Mind blown - it IS a thing?!

Many others revealed they too have a secret account in case they need to bail on the relationship.

"I have a 'running away fund', but no one to run away from anymore. I was told many years ago by an older female friend, to have this and thought it was sound advice," wrote one person.

Others agreed with the concept with posts along the lines of this one: "She's sensible though to have some savings, too many give up work, lose the ability to self support and end up trapped as they can't leave because they don't have the means to."

Another wishes she had one herself: "I'd love to be able to afford to have one. I feel very vulnerable. If you can afford it, you should try and have something out by. I keep a box of important documents etc so I can lift it quickly if I ever have to leave/the house is burning down. It makes me feel a little better."

We reached out to some Kidspot mums and some had similar stories.

"I had one, and it was 'my' money," said one mum. "It wasn’t much, because he knew how much I should have earned. I contacted payroll and got $35 a fortnight into a completely separate bank account. Then the rest went into our joint account. That way he never knew it was there."

"I think if you are planning to escape you must not have much faith in your marriage," said another. "I would be upset if I knew my husband had a secret stash of cash when we split up to set himself up. We always had joint money no matter who made how much."

One separated mum said that she didn't have a hidden bank account despite her mother always suggesting it to her.

But there is another side to the argument

If you're committing to someone for life, isn't preparing for a separation just showing that you're not completely convinced?

If you're sure enough to marry someone, shouldn't you be sure enough to not keep such secrets from them?

One person asked, "How would you feel if you discovered your DH was saving £200 a month in a ‘runaway’ fund. That is your answer."

Another pointed out just how such a revelation could affect a partner: "I’d be gutted if my dh had one and I’m sure he’d feel the same if I did."

"There should really be no reason for either or both parties to have money in their own names if they feel they need it," another wrote. "It’s deceitful to keep it hidden, and possibly sows the seed of the very thing it’s trying to avoid. It’s very 'me' and 'you', rather than 'us'.

Of the 14 mums that Kidspot spoke to about this, one said that she has nothing in place for 'if' her relationship falls apart - no credit card, not even a bank account. "Even my phone has been in his name since I was 16."

Another learnt from her lesson and has kept an emergency account for such things ever since her first husband made a large withdrawal that she never saw again. It wasn't a secret to her next partner, but certainly put her mind at ease after what she had been through the first time.

So perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all...

Perhaps the dishonesty is the real issue here. If you have a separate account, then you should expect your partner to be doing the same, and you both need to be very open and honest about it.

But how do you tell your partner? "I'm saving in case I change my mind about you one day" probably isn't going to go down so well.

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