In Genesis, God made mankind in the image of Himself, using male and
female genders to fully express this image. Man was formed from the
ground, so men are predisposed to doing. Woman was formed from Man,
not the ground, so she is more predisposed to relationship. The two
genders were designed to be good gifts to each other. The man works
and provides emotional and physical protection for the woman. The
woman “impart[s] life in communion with others.” (163) However, after
the Fall, sin caused them to hide from each other in shame, preventing
them from fully being good gifts. God then states that the woman
will desire her husband, wanting him to satisfy her more than he is able
to. The man is assigned to authority over the woman because of her
capacity for temptation, but men misuse their role and rule over her.

The wounds that lead to sexual dysfunction often happen while we are
children. Children learn about same-gender interactions primarily
through the same-gender parent, and vice-versa. If one of those
parents is not in the home, or not emotionally engaged, the child usually
does not get a successful model. The child can also be affected by
how the opposite-gender parent relates to them: a mother who has
been hurt by her husband and talks about how bad men are will instill a
sense of shame in her son. Vows that the child made to not be like a
characteristic of a parent can also influence how they relate to that
gender. Divorce really hurts a child because it makes one of the
parents absent, hence unable to model effectively, as well as often
causing the child to feel abandoned. Also, abuse of any sort
severely damages the child.

Men are often wounded by their father failing to connect
emotionally. Men tend to fail by being silent and doing what they
are good at—relating—which can lead to workaholism. As boys, they
may have decided it was not worth the effort to become a man and dropped
out of the game. If done at an early age, this can lead to gender
disidentification, not coming to terms with the fact that they are
male. When done a little later, they may become people-pleasing
chameleons, “good boys” who adapt to whatever is expected of them, but
never becoming themselves. Opting out even later can lead to trying
to become a man through competition, power, or heterosexual prowess, but
it is done without a compass and is destructive. Other wounds can
come from the shame developed from mothers or wives who put them
down. Since the woman is more relationally skilled, men tend to lose
verbal matches. The wife of a weak man often tries to mother him,
producing shame in him at being weak, leading to a vicious cycle. Other women appear compliant but are actually manipulative, seductive, or
passive-aggressive.

Women are often wounded by the men ruling over them, which they are
vulnerable to because their sin makes them tend to “bend toward” the man,
seeking to get him to satisfy her needs. Men who are out of touch
with their hearts tend to abuse the woman, often by demanding perfection
of her, even demanding she accept his mistresses because she is not good
enough. There may be a cultural value that women are less valuable
than men, hence it is acceptable to be ruled over. Men that succumb
to pornography or adulterous affairs wound the woman by making her feel
insecure and unprotected. Women can also pass down hatred of women
to each other, leading to wounds. Additionally, women have more
“space” to store hurts than men do, and with a sinful propensity to put
their identity in the quality of their relationships, if a woman does not
get rid of the hurts through forgiveness, she can become completely
overwhelmed.

Instead of taking our pain and brokenness to God, we tend to choose the
easy ecstasy of sex instead. One common way is sex outside of a
committed relationship for life. This is destructive, because sex
bonds for life, but the commitment is not there to sustain the weight of
such a bond. Essentially it is mutual masturbation. So the
relationship destroys the lives of the participants as the bond is ripped
apart when the relationship unravels, as well as damaging any kids
involved. Adultery has similar results. Masturbation is not
discussed, but presumably Comisky sees it as a form of medicating as well.

Another form of sexual sin is homosexuality. Comisky writes from an
authoritative perspective, having himself identified as homosexual as a
result of teasing at school, living the lifestyle for a number of
years. Homosexuality is disidentifying with your gender, and seeking
the strength you perceive as missing from others of your same
gender. Men who are insecure as men will seek strength from another
man. The homosexual community deals with their shame by trying to
get their lifestyle accepted, hence the epithet of “intolerant” against
those who refuse to cooperate. There is a pervasive cultural myth
that homosexuality is biological, but this is not true; homosexuality is a choice that we make. Homosexuals can, and do,
deal with their pain and become functioning heterosexuals. Robert
Spitzer (not a Christian) did an extensive study published in 2001 of
homosexuals that sought help to change that showed that 66% of gay men and
44% of gay women in his study had become heterosexual with healthy, loving
relationships. His study was not reported, however, and he was
surprised at the level of professional prejudice that he experienced.

Shame causes us hide from our pain, and enables a cycle of medicating (in
the context of this book, sexually), leading to more shame. Shame
can come from our own sinful actions. It can come from cultural
factors, for instance, shame of one’s ethnicity or gender. It can
come from abuse, often because sexual abuse feels good at some level,
leading the abused child to think that they are a participant in the
abuse.

The way that shame usually manifests itself is in a “good, false self,”
which is an outward projection of what we wish we were. We show
everyone a good picture on the outside, but have disconnected from our
pain on the inside. We are essentially deceiving ourselves and
leading a double, and ultimately destructive, life. Shame is
destroyed by admitting the shame, sin, and wound, and internalizing that,
as Christians, we are children of God. We are not accepted based on
what we do, but, through Jesus’ death for us, we are accepted simply
because we are God’s children.

Healing the pain comes through the Cross. Jesus took our sin on the
Cross and he took our shame, by being exposed, naked, on the Cross. Comisky believes that the healing process requires a community of both
women and men to support us, but certainly close same-gender friends with
whom we can share deeply. We first acknowledge the wound, and let
ourselves feel the would deeply. All feeling is to be done with the
Resurrection in mind—Jesus did not stay on the Cross, but the work was
finished. We forgive those who wounded us, just as Jesus forgive
is. Then we let Jesus cleanse us of the sin and shame by putting it
on the Cross for him to carry.

Comisky has thoroughly identified the sources of sexual and
relational brokenness, but has not been as effective at communicating
healing. This is an excellent book to identify one’s dysfunctions,
as he talks about every combination of men and women, children and adults,
and sexual and relational sin. Readers will come away with an
understanding of many of the dynamics in their relationships. However, while he has communicated that healing is possible, even giving
examples, the book does not convey the feeling that complete
healing is possible. Perhaps this is because the pain is discussed
in detail, with some detail to the process of healing, which then ends
with the suggestion that they are healed. Perhaps it is because
Comisky himself still struggles with homosexual temptations, despite a
long and happy marriage. It seems like maybe he understands the
temptation as a failing, despite having essentially said the
opposite. Or perhaps because his Desert Streams/Living Waters
ministry involves leading regular groups in healing, he is simply more
often exposed to the pain than the healing.

Comisky also has tendencies to view suffering as beneficial. Nothing he says is strictly incorrect, as God does call us to forgive even
when it is painful, and sometimes to stay in painful situations instead of
simply bailing on it, and this suffering does strengthen us. However, he comes close to considering suffering as a virtue, which is not
helpful. Catholicism has long sought to identify with Christ through
suffering like him (since writing the book, Comisky has become Catholic
after having identified with the Vineyard movement for many years), but
Jesus suffered for a little while, and “for the joy set before him.” Hardly an endorsement of suffering as virtue. Also, if suffering is
virtuous, there is less hope for complete healing; why stop the
virtue by becoming whole?

Still, Strength in Weakness is excellent for the rawness that
Comisky presents pain, and the thoroughness of his discussion of the
causes of our brokenness. It is similar to Experiencing
Father’s Embrace, but more thorough in the identification of
pain. Comisky gives a good framework for healing, and in our North
American, individual mindset, his statements about the necessity of
community are very valuable. I also like his idea that we are
created to be good gifts to the other gender, and that we are really not
complete without the experience of the other gender (including
friendships, not just marriage). However, complete healing will
require a community skilled in and/or books on experiencing God’s presence
and healing, outside of this book.

Review: 9

The book is very thorough in identifying sources of
pain. The organization is a little odd, as it tends to jump between
problem and healing. The writing is more formal than your typical
down-to-earth Christian book, yet is accessible, although it does seem to
be difficult to focus on the book for some reason that I have not been
able to identify. This would probably be a hundred-year book if it
were stronger on the healing aspect; reading the book brings a
hopeless feeling, despite the author’s explicit statements otherwise.

“... but her heart remained broken in its capacity to trust God and
the kindness of his people.” (19) (Elegant description of the
problem)

God’s image in humanity is displayed in male and female.

Man was formed from the dust of the ground, so Man is predisposed to
doing. Woman was formed from Man, so she is more predisposed to
relationship.

Humanity is only fully human in relationship with the other gender
(including platonic relationships outside of marriage)

We are designed to become increasingly good gifts to each other.

Sex seals us to the other person for life. (For this to work,
there must be commitment beforehand)

Ch. 2: Facing the Broken Image

After sin, Adam and Eve covered their nakedness from each other; they were self-conscious in their identity and unsure that the other
would accept them. They also hid from God.

Curse on the Woman:

“you will desire their husband,” wanting him to satisfy more than he
is able to.

“he will rule over you” because of Eve’s capacity for deception,
Adam needs to exercise authority over Eve. But he misuses it.

Curse on the Man:

He has to rule over the woman (he didn’t exercise his role during
the temptation).

Adam gets his identity from working the ground, but the ground is
cursed, and he is therefore cursed with painful toil.

Power plays:

Men out of touch with their hearts abuse their authority over the
women.

Some women accept it because they think they are inferior.

Some women are falsely compliant, and manipulate, seduce, and
passive-aggress.

Some women determine not to be subject to the man and take the
leadership.

Weak men accept the woman’s leadership and do not lead
themselves. Sometimes this is because the man has done
something really bad, like adultery, and his shame keeps him
submitted to the woman.

Sex without commitment...

...destroys lives (children in a divorce)

...is really mutual-masturbation. You aren’t connecting, and
you don’t even have to be vulnerable.

...in the 1960s led to a huge increase in divorces and men and women
not trusting each other. This made people question whether
male-female sexuality was really normal, leading to an acceptance of
homosexuality. The next progression is for gender-switching to
become accepted.

Ch. 3: Strength to Love Well

Because of the hurt that we feel from the other gender, we often
relate with a sword, but healing and restoration comes when we relate
with the Cross.

A husband confessed to his wife that he struggled with Internet
porn. He felt his shame lifting. But his wife, who had no
idea before, struggled with hurt and couldn’t get over it. “A
wise caregiver in the group pointed out the problem. ‘Mike, your
confession was the beginning of resurrection. The death of sin
began to lift off of you. But for you, Katie, that was the
beginning of a crucifixion—dying to who you thought Mike was.’ A light dawned for both. Each could see that the other had to
carry the cross in the crisis, but in different ways.” (49)

One aspects of the Cross is humbling ourselves and asking
forgiveness. Another is asking Christ to intervene with his love
when we are incapable of it (for example, during a heated argument).

Through the Cross we are a new creation; our identity is not
defined by our past, but by what Jesus says about us.

“My reference point in the beginning [of my Christian walk] was as a
homosexual man—what I thought of as my ‘gay self.’ God
challenged that identity through his Word and his community. Though I had to contend with a network of harmful thoughts and
desires, Jesus did not want that network to define me. He wanted
to be my reference point.” (58)

You cannot answer the question “who am I?” by looking at yourself,
you must look at Jesus, and in so doing, you will find yourself.

(The author’s homosexuality stemmed from gender insecurity)

Karl Barth says that men and women are unsettled by the fact that they
are so different from each other; is the other really human? But yes, we are both made in the image of God.

We cannot simply solve our problem just with ourselves and
Jesus; God intended our gender to interact with the other one.

Ch. 4: Strength to Leave Shame Behind

There are two kinds of shame:

Healthy shame: we feel a disconnect from God because of our
sin and it alerts us that something is wrong so we can go to God and
receive his forgiveness.

Unhealthy shame: we feel like we are unworthy of love and
honor. This kind of shame causes us to turn on ourselves, and it
separates us from life.

“... nakedness without shame affirms what it means to be male and
female as well as the freedom to be a gift to one’s gender
opposite. Karl Barth described that shameless nakedness between
man and woman occurring when each ‘recognises the other’s distinctive
nature’ as well as their independence.” (71)

My mother discovered some pornography I bought and confronted me about
it. Huge sense of shame. “She did not scorn me but rather
pointed out the dehumanizing nature of the material and its ill effect
on my humanity. The shame of exposure hurt, but it ultimately
bolstered my self-respect.” (73)

We can have cultural shame if our race or culture is perceived to be
second-class. Luida Johnson says “the greatest need [among the
African American community] is not for sexual or even relational
brokenness; it is for her people to embrace their ethnicity
without shame, to turn from hating themselves because of their skin
color.” (76)

There is gender shame if your gender (usually female) is perceived as
inferior.

There is sexual shame in communities where sexual sin is perceived as
worse than other sins.

People who have been deeply rejected feel shame. This is
especially true for people who were abandoned by their mother/father, or
their parents did not give them a sense of being wanted.

Being abuse often translates into the shame of being
dishonorable. Abused women often tolerate severe abuse because
they feel that they are not deserving of honor.

Sometimes shame manifests as a contempt of others, as a
self-protection method.

The most common manifestation of shame is the good, false self. “The sources of shame empowering the good, false self are twofold. One source is the early experience of shame. The other source is a
person’s besetting weakness in adulthood, whether that is a same-sex
tendency or some other inclination toward brokenness or disorder. These two sources of shame merge and together fuel the formation of the
good, false self.” (82) The good, false self is often compliant
and perfect. “The perfect self emerges as an image to guard
oneself against the exposure of weakness. The greatest fear of the
good, false self is this: ‘If you really knew me, you wouldn’t love
me.’” (82) “... Stephen Pattison said, ‘In their concern for
extrinsic recognition and approval, they may also be the kind of people
who are “concerned to show others, self, and God that [they are the]
good, kind, caring—and even heroic—[people that their] religion
celebrates.“‘" (83)

This split does not free the person to admit their sin. It is
a deception. “If one’s value seems to be bound up in ‘goodness,’
then anything that belies the good-boy or good-girl image must be
buried and denied.” (83)

It causes a double life, and can lead to the person doing a lot of
harm to people.

The Cross cures shame, because Jesus was naked and exposed so that we
do not have to be.

We are cleansed from shame by the Cross, by hearing from the Father
that we are his son or daughter, and through an affirming community.

Ch. 5: Strength to Overcome Sin

Being secure in our identity as God’s sons and daughters enables us to
confess sin. And confessing sin breaks the power of shame. “Sin can be erased only through its exposure.” (94)

Confession requires community. But, “The final break-through to
fellowship does not occur, because though they have fellowship with one
another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship
as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permits no one
to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and
from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians
are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered
among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in
lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners.”
(96, quoting Bonhoeffer)

Confession in community causes us to die to our false self; we
crucify the “social saint.”

Confession also causes us to die to the sin; we come to God
naked and in need of his provision, and he gives us new life.

Jesus gave believers the power to bind sin and loose
forgiveness: if we say someone is forgiven, they are
forgiven. So part of forgiveness is finding a “priest” (usually a
friend for non-Catholics), who hears the confession of the specific sin,
places that sin on the Cross, and pronounces forgiveness over the
person.

An actual Cross, and the use of water to symbolize the washing away
of the sin can be helpful.

It will probably be necessary to confess the same sin over and over to
the same person on your journey to becoming whole.

How we often sin sexually:

Woman are more relational, so often yearn for the man, and try to
fill their needs with him. This also tends to lead the woman to
accepting a man’s dishonoring demands.

The man tends to try to satisfy himself with the woman, not wanting
to give love and leadership, and takes the easy route by treating the
woman as existing for him.

Modern women have overreacted and try to live out not needing the
man.

Men can also be not mature, which leads the woman to end up
mothering the man, since she is better relationally. She
disrespects him and he has self-contempt. She tries to fix the
problem with more mothering.

Sexual sin is essentially narcissism, as we focus on satisfying
ourselves. Instead of bringing our aloneness to God, we try to
satisfy them with the cheap fix of sexual sin.

“Often the most wounded ones are those who have been passed over by
someone else who has chosen an illicit lover. ... But we
[the wounded ones] must do our part. We must uphold the truth that
each of us remains a good gift to others. In spite of the damage
done, we can stand with our Creator and trusted others in believing that
the damage need not have the defining word on our sexuality. We
begin by confessing the sin of our disavowal of the gift.” (109)

Ch. 6: Wounds that Heal

This chapter is about sin done against us.

On the Cross, God shares our pain.

We need to identify our pain. Often we are aware of the
forgiveness that is necessary, but not the pain underneath it. At
the Cross, we grieve our pain.

Paul is clear that suffering is to be expected; in fact, it is a
requirement of being a child of God (Rom 8:17). However, Jesus
experiences our sufferings with us, and brings healing.

Jesus was pained by his closest friends not being able to stay awake
and pray with him. Then he was abandoned on the Cross by his
Father, who had always been there, when he needed Him the most. The Father was pained by having to abandon his son. Comisky seems
to suggest that the upcoming abandonment was somewhat hidden for Jesus,
making it that much worse.

Story of Julie, whose husband abandoned her for another woman, leaving
her unable to pay the bills and with hurting children (not to mention
herself). She brought her pain to four close friends, and over the
course of two years she and her children slowly received healing.

Three points in looking at our wounds: we all receive brokenness
from our family; “we choose the broad path of destruction for
ourselves, though our wounding may contribute to our bad choices”
(126); our personalities are largely fixed and influence how we
perceive and relate to the world.

Children model their gender after their same-sex parent. Some
possible problems are:

they don’t have a same-sex parent, so no modelling. They may
be able to find a model outside the family, but some children find
this easier than others. This relationship may be broken because
of abuse, neglect, illness, death, divorce.

the child may put up a defensive wall, usually without realizing it,
which blocks people who want or can give love.

if the child vows against the same-sex parent (a more powerful
version of their gender) they often develop problems with gender
security. This may express itself in homosexuality or in needed
heterosexuality.

“I felt many things toward my father, including contempt. But
close to that contempt was the self-hatred I felt toward my own
manhood. As I was at odds with my father’s masculinity, so I was
also at odds with my own.” (129) [The author lived the
homosexual lifestyle for a while.] (This was healed in a dream
where I saw torsos my father and I carved out of the same block of
stone, attached to the block at the bottom, united to each other via
the stone base (not sexually), both looking manly, indicating that I
was truly my father’s child, but seeing only the goodness.)

Children learn to relate to the opposite gender through the
opposite-gender parent.

A father who cherishes his wife and daughter will likely have a
child who can’t understand why other girls try to get men’s attention
through revealing clothes (for instance).

A mother who is overly strong and cuts down her husband will likely
have a son who is afraid of relating to strong women and is not sure
he has what it takes for a woman. In fact, the son may not
relate to women at all.

Any abuse, especially sexual, deeply wounds a child.

Steps to healing:

Acknowledge the wound.

Find safe people who can help carry our load.

We must feel freely, but in light of Jesus’ resurrection.

Take authority over the worldly sorrow that Paul says leads to
death.

We must forgive those who wronged us to gain the resurrection life.

There is hope: my wife received healing from her sexual abuse at
age four, and both she and Julie have compassion that heals many.

Ch. 7: Men at the Cross

Men try to be powerful through stoic silence and self-reliance,
aggression, one-upsmanship, or conquering. Real power comes from
being weak and letting God be strong in us.

When men become whole, they become trustworthy, which invites the
woman in their lives to come and be healed.

Because men’s strength is to produce, we tend to look to work to
fulfill us. The ground, our work, is cursed, so this creates a
cycle of striving.

Our families should be the first people to benefit from what God is
doing in us. If there is not truth at home, there will not be
truth in our ministry.

“Weak men become powerful through relationships. We discover
early on that we cannot make it on our own. ... To be whole
as men, we need the powerful affirmation of other men. This will
precede our capacity to fulfill God’s call on our lives to love and
honor women.” (144)

“God called Adam to ‘rule over’ the woman as a consequence for her
disobedience (Gen 3:16), yet in spite of that call, men ever since have
usually lost verbal battles with women. This may be in part a
cultural variable or even a biological one, but it began with the
Fall. Even under the best of circumstances, in paradise, the man
failed to speak into the darkness of Eve’s temptation and sin.” (145)

Many men have either not have a father in the lives, or the father is
the silent type and unable to meaningfully engage with their
children. We may want to find a perfect father, but it will not
happen; we must look to God for that perfect father.

“Men express their aloneness and silence differently. Some of
this depends on personality and on the timing and degree of wounding in
relation to their fathers. Some get off the track toward mature
manhood earlier than others. This inevitably involves a lack of
strong male presence. But it also involves the complex mechanisms
of the young heart. We distance ourselves; we drop out of
the game when we perceive that the journey toward manhood is too tough
and humiliating.
Those who drop out in early childhood may be more
vulnerable to deeper problems in their sexual identities, like
homosexuality. Same-sex yearnings in a man signal his
disidentification with his own masculinity. So he identifies that
strength in another and yearns for it sexually. ... Others
cross the bridge toward identification with the masculine but do so
weakly. As children they make peace with being boys but have yet
to emerge into mature and defined manhood. Often these become
‘good boys,’ compliant creatures who change colors according to the
context, becoming what others expect of them. These chameleons can
be defined by the following characteristics: people pleasing, fear
of rejection, a fear of being wrong, a tendency toward keeping all
options open and not having clearly formulated beliefs. ... Still other
men embrace aspects of masculinity—heterosexual prowess, the drive
toward competition and power—but do so without a compass or
center. Fatherless in their own right, they have managed to
identify with the masculine but now compensate for their emptiness by
asserting themselves destructively.” (147-8)

As sons of God, He wants us to be relationally oriented first and
achievement oriented second. (149)

We need relationship with brothers to express our aloneness and
pain. We need brothers who can honor us and tell us the strength
and goodness they see in us. We need brothers who empower us.

A hurt wife can easily put down men, which causes her son to feel bad
about being a male.

We need to take the risk and offer our masculinity as a gift to bless
and empower women.

Ch. 8: Women at the Cross

“While men seek to master realities outside of themselves through the
works of their hands, women excel in imparting life in communion with
others.” (163)

Women’s strength is in relating to others.

Women derive identity from their relationships and the quality of
them.

“‘A woman’s dignity is closely connected with the love which she
receives by the very reason of her femininity; it is likewise
connected with the love which she gives in return.’” (165, quoting
John Paul II)

Sin tends to cause the woman to place her identity too much in her
human relationships, and it causes the abuse of her womanhood by men.

Sin causes the woman to tend to “bend” towards the man, relying on him
too much for her identity; the man becomes her idol. This
bending allows the man to hurt and dishonor her, because she accepts his
actions.

Women have a larger “space” than men in which they can store
hurts. Without forgiveness cleaning them out, the woman can be
crushed by them all.

Women need to take their hurts to Christ. They need to take
their insecurity to Christ (not the man).

Sexual abuse, whether traditional abuse, emotional abuse (such as
being demanding, or insisting that his wife accept his mistresses
because she is not good enough), or simply not keeping his promises to
cherish, protect, and remain faithful (including via pornography), hurts
the woman’s sense of security. Women can only thrive in a secure
environment.

Misogyny (hatred of women) is passed woman to woman as well as man
to woman. Sometimes it is the woman that are the fiercest.

Misogyny is healed at the cross.

“... with the tears must also come the clear word of
recognition—'This happened to me and it was profoundly
dishonoring.’ Then, with its confession, Jesus can bear the
unbearable weight of the particular strain of misogyny.” (171)

Women must forgive themselves of any self-hatred; she needs to
identify any misogyny in herself.

Women may also hate men (misandry) as a result, often in the form of
contempt of men. Women need to forgive the men who have hurt
her, otherwise healing cannot come.

Once it has been identified, renounce the misogyny; reject
it. Accepting misogyny allows the demonic to empower it.

Also, not everything is misogyny; it might just be a
difference of opinion (e.g. the issue of women in leadership)

Jesus always loved and empowered women. (And, in fact, the
women were more faithful to him than the men. The men deserted
him at the cross, but the women stayed.)

Ch. 9: Homosexuality and the Cross

“But that healing [of homosexuality, but of inner healing in general]
is contingent upon relying upon the One again and again. He
provides the strength to live in freedom with each new experience of
weakness. Without doubt, he is able to restore the homosexually
vulnerable in an instant, and I believe he sometimes does so. Interestingly, though, God rarely calls these exceptional ones to
proclaim and impart freedom to others. Such healing ministry is
typically entrusted to those whose healing occurs gradually.” (181)

Robert Spitzer, a non-Christian, who led the campaign of the American
Psychiatric Association to remove homosexuality as a psychological
disorder in 1972. More recently the APA decided that any therapy
to help gays change is unhealthy and ethically wrong. In 2001,
Spitzer published a many-year study in which he interviewed and followed
up with 200 homosexuals. 66% of the men and 44% of the women were
in sustained, loving, heterosexual relationships. The APA said the
study was not relevant, the study was not covered in the media. “[Spitzer] claimed that he had never experienced that kind of
professional prejudice at any other time in his career.” (183)

The goal of active gays is to have full acceptance, and any challenge
is considered intolerance. “The gay activist cannot frame his or
her homosexuality as anything related to weakness, let alone
brokenness. That would imply a need for healing. Instead she
or he must assert the intrinsic wholeness of homosexuality. To
reveal any crack in the gay armor would be to admit one’s need to be
saved.” (186)

Comisky describes identification with the “gay self” as spiritual
deception and darkness.

The world accepts homosexuality and much of the church is confused at
best. “Deceptive signposts in the world and in the church obscure
the clear path of redemption for the same-sex struggler. In so
doing, these false guides contribute to the spiritual warfare that
harasses young men and women in their sexual vulnerabilities. The
‘gay self’ looms as a tempting and powerful solution to the struggle at
hand. That’s why homosexual strugglers must establish roots in a
healing community.” (187) The community is essential for their
healing.

“Jesus asks the homosexually vulnerable, ‘Will you follow me or the
worldly, demonic forces vying for your soul?’ Precisely because of
the power of those forces, Jesus appeals to the will. True
conversion always involves such an appeal. Until the Lord has our
wills, we are not truly converted.” (188)

“Jesus always gives us the choice to fall forward. In our
weakness we can fall backward into sin or forward into him.” (189)

A homosexual struggler said, “If I die to 99% of my old ways and
passions, eventually that 1% will cost me my life—the real life God
intends for all his children. God will resurrect a new man or
woman only after there has been this death. Many people want to
just bleed, enough to be incapacitated, but not enough to die. The
cross bids you to die.” (190)

We need to die to two things, after which resurrection brings new life:

to die to the desire to lead a pain-free life. We choose to
face the pain and invite Christ (and others) to meet us in the pain
and the shame.

to die to making others our saviors. No person is going to
give us the relationship we want, be the father or mother, or take
away the loneliness.

Andrew Beel (Anglican in Australia) saw a vision of ragged soldiers
following Jesus, impressive for no other reason than they moved completely
in step with him in obedience and complete reliance. Their glory
was so bright that the enemy could not see to target them, and were ever
Jesus led they were victorious.

Ch. 10: The Church at the Cross

“Indeed the weak posses a unique authority to serve the body. Perhaps it is because they know who their source of strength is.” (197)

Two tasks for Christian leaders:

identify the muddy bride and wash her. She is us.

Leaders can easily make their heart on-way: flowing out, but
nothing flows in. Leaders need peers who can heal and clean
each other.

persevere and suffer with the bride.

“Holy suffering is a mark of spiritual maturity.” (203) I’m
not totally sure what he means, but it seems like it is forgiving
when people wrong you and staying in a church where people are
hostile to your ministry if God is calling you to that.