“Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn’t we?” That’s what Michael O’Leary, the head of Ryan Airlines said in defense of his decision to screen porn on his planes. There’s a lot of reasons you shouldn’t have porn on planes, Mr. O’Leary. Planes are different than hotels, mainly because in a hotel, you can keep your boner to yourself. On a plane, you’ve only got the protection of a tray table to hide your arousal from someone who’s sitting inches away from you. They plan on making porn accesible via iPads given out to customers. So it’s at least not in the headrest screen, but still.

Ryanair is a budget company, the budget bus service of European air travel, if you will. Porn on the bus is fine, because it’s the bus, it’s full of ex-cons and people with out the extra eleven dollars for a train or plane ticket. But airborne porn is just a bad idea…

Airlines that serve food should not also play porn. Snacks and porn only belong together at home.

Blood rushing to certain body parts, combined with high cabin pressure could cause permanent damage to those parts. It’s a theory we’re not willing to test.

Not everybody likes the same kind of porn — it’s a fact of life.

Hooters airlines was a really lame idea. This is like that but worse.

There might be children on the plane. They might not like porn.

After the age of thirteen, watching porn is not something you should do in the company of other dudes.

The only thing worse than a crying baby on a plane, is a sweating old man who can’t wait to get to his hotel room and “take care of business.”