Well, a lot. Because toddlers are…a lot. They’re tiny, they’re terrific and they’re a ton of fun. They also may or may not be feral.

There’s something that happens to our precious babies around the 13-month mark that makes us scratch our heads and wonder what in the hell we signed up for when we agreed to this whole parenting thing.

Don’t get me wrong: Even though toddlers are unstable and possibly clinically insane, they are still pretty darn wonderful. And parenting them? I’d say it’s like a roller coaster…if you’re on a roller coaster that goes 75 mph, throws food at you sporadically and demands that you sing “Elmo’s World” 16 times in a row as it loops upside down.

I thought I’d jot down 10 silly little toddler mom–isms for this post…and somehow I got to 50. Easily. And something tells me you’re going to be able to relate to all of them.

So, how do you know that you’re a full-blown toddler mom?

50. You can tell the difference between a hunger scream, an angry scream, a teething scream, a frustrated scream, a that’s-not-fair scream, an injury scream, a happy scream and why-the-eff-not-scream-now scream.

49. Your dog looks nervous. All the time.

48. You have seen a human being exhibit every emotion possible in a span of 8 seconds, and it is truly terrifying—and strangely exhilarating.

47. You’ve worried that your nose was broken or your tooth was knocked loose by a 25-pound bundle of energy who lunged toward you at the exact wrong time.

46. You nod a lot and say, “Oh, wow, that’s so interesting!” when you don’t understand most of what’s being said to you.

45. On the flip side, you often also hear half-said, garbled, mumbled words as if they were enunciated by Colin Firth.

44. As a result, you often find yourself translating toddler-speak for everyone, including your husband.

43. Not to harp on this, but you’re also shocked that no one else can understand said toddler. She was so clear that time!

You are a lying liar. You lie about parks being closed, TVs being broken and bags of Skittles being shaker toys.

41. You never thought you’d see anything cuter than your baby…and then your baby grows up and somehow keeps getting cuter and cuter.

40. You are likely unshowered because you can’t leave your child alone long enough to keep up with basic hygiene.

39. When you can’t take it anymore, you take your child into the bathroom with you—and then you have to dodge random under-the-sink items thrown your way from behind the shower curtain.

38. You also have to brace yourself for said toddler to play peek-a-boo maniacally and repeatedly from behind the shower curtain, letting in all of the cold air and effectively ruining anything pleasant about your showering experience.

33. You have a toy, a tissue, a sippy cup, a pouch of vegetable mush, a pacifier and a cheese stick with you at all times.

32. Teething has overtaken your life and destroyed any semblance of sanity you thought you had left.

31. You fondly remember real sleep. Sort of. Real sleep doesn’t consist of a small creature crawling into your bed or demanding that you sleep on the couch with her in the middle of the night, right? Not a rhetorical question. It’s been a while.

29. Your child flips plates of food like a Real Housewife flips tables. But with more gusto.

28. The little pimple on your chin that you’ve been trying to ignore and the squishy belly that’s still holding onto those last 5 pounds of baby weight have been brought to your attention by a curious, chubby-fingered poke within the last 24 hours.

27. You know not to leave your laptop out unless you want it to be picked up and possibly used as a projectile and/or in a gravity experiment.

It is impossible to clean your house because a little person follows you around and proceeds to undo every single thing you just did.

26. Your house is starting to resemble a pacifier graveyard.

25. You now know that tables are for dancing, and you start to worry about your child’s college years.

24. You buy four different potty-training potties—including one that sings—because the prospect of not having to change another poopy diaper someday is that exciting.

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Hi! I'm Dawn Yanek, the mom behind Momsanity. I've got a few thoughts about my wonderfully crazy journey with that cute kid in the picture (who's now 6!) and a toddler—and I look forward to hearing about your adventures in motherhood, too!