Families who struggle to care for a
parent across the miles have a unique disadvantage. They
cannot be there to know what is really happening. It is
often difficult and frustrating to reach doctors or
social service agencies and to be able to coordinate the
needed care. The older parent may forget what the doctor
has told them, or choose not to “burden” their child
with problematic information. Indeed, many adult
children are not aware that there is a problem until a
visit is made, and they see the changes in the parent’s
physical, mental or emotional functioning.

Situations that might occur would
involve the following scenarios:

The older parent is a danger to
himself

There are safety issues in the
home environment

The older parent is wandering and
is confused

Short-term memory is getting worse

Other people in the community may
be taking advantage of the older person, either
financially or emotionally

There are a number of challenges that
the adult child faces when dealing with long-distance
care of an older parent. These include the following:

When phone conversations are held,
everything sounds fine. “No need to worry dear. I’m
doing fine on my own,” when you know in your gut
that everything is not fine.

Trusting someone else with the
day-to-day care when you think you should be the one
to provide the care.

Dealing with the various emotions
often associated with caregiving, such as:

Guilt - over the fact that you are
not able to be physically present all the time

Grief - over your relative’s
decline in health

Resentment - over the fact that
you don’t live closer and that others are doing
moreSadness -since your relative is showing signs of
decline