Addictive Relationships

Are you Addicted? Listed below are several signs of addiction. Consider whether they
apply to you:

Even though you know the relationship is bad for you (and perhaps others have told
you this), you take no effective steps to end it.

You give yourself reasons for staying in the relationship that are not really accurate
or that are not strong enough to counter-act the harmful aspects of the relationship

When you think about ending the relationship, you feel terrible anxiety and fear which
makes you cling to it even more.

When you take steps to end the relationship, you suffer painful withdrawal symptoms,
including physical discomfort, that is only received by reestablishing contact.

Strategies for overcoming relationship addictions

Make your "recovery" the first priority in your life.

Become "selfish" i.e. focus on getting your own needs met more effectively.

Courageously face your own problems and shortcomings.

Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself i.e. fill in gaps that have made
you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs,
you will no longer need to seek security by trying to make theirs change.

Develop your "spiritual" side i.e. find out what brings you peace and serenity and
commit some time, at least half an hour daily to that endeavor.

Learn not to get "hooked" into the games of relationships: avoid dangerous roles you
then to fall into e.g. "rescuer," "persecutor," "victim."

Find a support group of friends who understand.

Share with others what you have experienced.

Consider getting professional help.

When to seek professional help

When you are very unhappy in a relationship, but are unsure of whether you should
accept it as it is, make further efforts to improve it, or get out of it.

When you have concluded that you should end a relationship, have tried to make yourself
end it, but remain stuck.

When you suspect that you are staying in a relationship for the wrong reasons, such
as feelings of guilt or fear of being alone, and you have been unable to over come
the paralyzing effects of such feelings.

When you recognize that you have a pattern of staying in bad relationships and have
not been able to change that pattern yourself.