subscribe

Pages

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

If you're like me, you may have seen cakes in your local bwreckery (do I always get the cart with the wonky wheel?" Which is a mystery. But you might also ask yourself, "Self, what is a Yule Log?" To which your Self might answer, "42" - at which point you should make a mental note to adjust any prescription meds you might be taking.

But, I digress.

Where was I?

Right. Yule logs!

Here comes one now:

I promised Jen this wouldn't be a knotty post! Ha! See, Jen? I can pun with the best of 'em.

Note: Yes, yes, we know what a Yule Log is. It's the First Fruits tree branch that was carved into a Menorah and given to the Baby Jesus at Winter Solstice. And I'm pretty sure there were Pilgrims involved too.

It's the last day in our charity countdown! Woohoo! So today, what with it being Christmas Eve and all, we thought we'd end with a charity that helps promote the wonder of the season year-round for kids who need it most: Give Kids the World.

This organization provides children with life-threatening illnesses and their families truly magical experiences at the Give Kids The World Village, a 70-acre Orlando resort specifically designed for children with special needs. (This place is amazing, too - check out some of the photos!)

I started reading CakeWrecks earlier this year, and I'm noticing more and more post scripts at the end of many new posts. Because some irritating readers have no sense of humor, Jen&John have to explain that the previous Wreck is meant to be a joke. It seems so unnecessary, but I guess they have to over-explain so people don't leave dozens of comments explaining what a yule log or croquembouche REALLY is or that their offended by something that is meant to be funny.I LOVE Cake Wrecks, but those readers need to get a life.

Hi Jen and Wreckers -- I'm living in France, home of the buche de Noel -- and just got back from shopping, so I've been looking at Yule logs by the hundreds -- ice cream buches, cake-based buches...of every shape, size and description. What a treasure -- black forest...coffee and cream...hazelnut and chocolate...peach and raspberry. Yep, it's hard to pick one (so I bought two, one for Christmas Eve, and one for Christmas Day!) I usually make one, but this year a nasty case of food poisoning left me with not much time and even less desire to do much cooking.

Anyway...just thought I'd let you know that the first three, especially the first one, are very, very typical of an authentic French buche de Noel. They don't usually have the frosting spirals on the "cut ends", but other than that, they could be in the display case at my local patissier.

I don't know why a country that is capable of creating cakes that are so mind-blowingly gorgeous that you don't want to eat them is also capable of creating such plastificated messes at Christmas, but they do...and they're fun.

Let me know -- I might be persuaded to send you photos of French NON wrecks (trade for a book, mebbe?)

Thank you, thank you for choosing Give Kids the World! It is a wonderful organization and provided a much needed break for our family during our son's illness. I can't say enough about what they do to encourage families coping with life threatening illnesses. Thank you so much!

Hurrah for Yule log cakes: back when I was working like a frantic elf at a flower shop, we used to get one every Christmas and get all giggly from the icing and the meringue mushrooms and such. However, they looked a LOT better than these! Someone needs a few lessons in real Yule-loggery from the now (sadly) retired Mr. Zach.

Those are God-awful! do they realize a yule log is supposed to be a log, like part of a tree, and not some kind of muddy landscape for plastic flotsam santa to land on? honestly.

I made a kick ass yule log last year, complete with cocoa dusted marzipan mushrooms, blackberries, some powdered sugar "snow" and some marzipan berries and holly leaves. My mother actually got mad at me. She thought I put dirty mushrooms on the cake. *pats self on back for realistic mushrooms* And the bark was fork-ribbed chocolate, unlike that weird white monstrosity that is cake #1.

Thank you, wreckerators. I was already proud of that yule log. Now I know I can do better than the wreckerators!

Meanwhile, pastry chefs in France are laughing their butts off at what our wreckerators did to their beautiful traditional logs! Joyeux Noel, amis!

I was in the bwreckery yesterday and saw, get this, a YULE LOG DOG! I almost peed my pants, thinking of this site and THAT dog, err log. Thanks for sharing these great examples of what not to put anywhere near a fireplace this season. Merry Christmas!

I've got a big case of the Christmas Blues going on here, but this post made me laugh out loud. Thanks, Jon! That's just what I needed on this Christmas Eve!

I also really appreciate what you're doing with the charities. I'm unemployed, and my budget is stretched to the breaking point, but I was able to give to one or two. I wish I could do more, but that might leave me in need of help from one of the charities I'm supporting :P

uh, @Veronica, that footnote was tongue in cheek, and is not really what a Yule Log is. It's called sarcasm. You just crossed over into the class of readers you are deriding. There is nothing irritating about John's sarcasm. funny. haha. smile and enjoy. I have gotten irritated at the less than helpful readers also. but silly footnotes are for the rest of us who do have a sense of humor.

Merry Christmas to J&J and all you guys. Thanks for gifting us everyday.

Ah yes, the atomic number of molybdenum. The angle in degrees for which a rainbow appears.The time it would take to travel through the Earth, rather than around it. The information one gets at putting 42 into wikiped. The Genius of Douglas Adams. And finally, the reason why I, too, get the shopping cart with the wackado wheels.

I love yule logs. But I'm pagan that way. And in lots of other ways too. 42!

Not really related to todays post but I felt I should share my ineptitude with the masses.I made a gingerbread house today, tried to write 'Welcome' on the door lintel and managed to put two 'l's in it! *facepalm* I'm so ashamed!!

As Anonymous 10:15, I also live in France. This year, because I make peanuts for a living and also live hyper-expensive Paris, my flatmate and I decided to spring for a buche de Noel that cost all of, um, 1.50 EUR, I believe.

It looked sufficiently log like (and included a tiny plastic saw), but apparently to this patisserie, "arome praline," which SHOULD mean "praline-flavoured," ACTAULLY means "cardboard-flavoured." Because it tasted exactly like the box it came in. I'm assuming so, anyway - it certainly smelt similar.

I'd just like to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for choosing Give Kids the World as one of your charities! I had the pleasure of taking a trip there a year ago (Jan 1st, 2009) with my goddaughter who is 3 with various illnesses, her mom and my son! The facilities are FANTASTIC and I would be more than happy to share any pics of the facilities if people want to see it! THANK YOU AGAIN!

Uh, Jon, man, that's not what a Yule Log is. It comes from the pagan traditions as Yule (the winter solstice) is a fire holiday and you can't had fire without wood. Read the bible, there is no mention of wood in conjunction with the birth at all.

That being said, should I just be happy that my religion is being sort of recognized or annoyed that they plastered Santa and Jesus all over it....

HAHAHA I ah um kinda tried to make a " you'll" log and it well kinda started to decompose -you know break down.... natural recycling etc. so i did what any smart thinking baker would do....turn it into TRIFLE yeah yum. So instead of a red velvet with white chocolate cream yule log, we'll have red velvet white chocolate cream trifle!

... thank god Christmas is over, is all I can say. Now my bakery can go back to mangaling both spelling and Transformers cakes.

I DO finally have a wrecky story ... kind of a two-fer. Part one happened about a month ago, part two happened today.

I am NOT a cake decorator, first off. Just a baker, who spends half my day doing my job and the other half running for cakes. On Part One's day, I was attempting to make three different kinds of bread at once, and one of the Deli workers (supermarket store, they stick the two departments together. Deli also goes for cakes. Unfortunately the Bakery cannot help with sandwich platters or cut the head cheese for you) came up to me with a cake request for Mrs. X. So, in a hurry, I go to get Mrs. X's cake. On my way out to the Deli counter, I look on the instructions, because I am starving for human contact and I like seeing what people put on their cakes.

It reads "Happy Birthday Dark Chocolate".

I look at the cake. It reads "Happy Birthday Dark Chocolate" amid buttercream lillies and a few sugar flake sparkles.

I, a dedicated Cake Wrecks reader, am in a strange state of anticipation. On the one hand ... this is my bakery and (now) my customer, and I will have to listen to a complaint I cannot do anything about. The cake decorators are gone, nobody else is allowed to touch the icing tubes. On the other hand, I have been waiting a wreck the way some people await the Second Coming. I might just be holding it in my hands. My only wish is that I had a camera. I get the cake to the customer. She is very large ... and also very black. The cake is for her husband, and it is exactly what she wanted. She enthusiastically thanks me, and when I explain that I did not do the lillies, she tells me to pass her praise on to the decorator.

This is how the literal wrecks happen.

Part Two: It is christmas Eve, we go into our department thanking God we do not have to set foot outside the counter until we have to leave. I am almost out. Just have to clean out the gigantic bread mixer with the bowl permanently affixed. Customer waves me over to retreive their cake. As before, while I'm bringing the cake out, I read the order.

It reads "Happy Birthday Jon (young male)"

I look at the cake. On a gold ribbon, in red icing, it reads "Happy Birthday Jon (young male)" complete with parentheses.

There is no doubt in my mind that I will be fixing this cake in two minutes.

I look back at the order, and realize whoever took the order wrote the inscription in the wrong place -- instead of under "Special instructions" they stuck it in the little box where formatting instructions (IE words here, heart here) go. The cake decorators have been well trained by "Dark Chocolate" cakes to write EXACTLY as written in that little box.

I handed the cake to the customer anyway, because it COULD have been another "Dark Chocolate" cake. It was not. The customer starts walking away, reads the cake, and turns around. They don't even have to ask. I cut the "(young male)" bit off the gold ribbon and watched the customers vanish into the general sea of desperation.

aw, several of these even have the little gold axes among the plastic poinsettia. yet i "ax" you--why are there little green evergreen trees on top of the yule log (a log being a cut down tree)? since when do little tiny trees grow on big chopped down dead ones among the mushrooms? these wreckerators have a real issue with scale. goes along with having flotsam santa riding along the bark. speaking of which, shotgun/broom/boob on a guitar log is way too smooth!

I'm so excited you featured GKTW today! It's my favorite charity, and I have the crazy volunteer hours to prove it! Merry Christmas to you, and may the karma of your generosity come back to you tenfold!!

IF "wonky wheel shopping carts" equates to "42", does that mean that they are the key to understanding life, the universe and everything? If only I had a babble fish to translate that the squeeky wheel was saying.

As a French person, I have to plead guilty for the log cake. It is a French tradition.For several centuries, on Christmas Eve, a very large log used to be burned slowly in the fire to ensure a good harvest for the year to come. Then large hearths disappeared and the tradition has continued through cakes.If you ever come in France around Christmas time, or if you simply google "bûche de Noël", you may get a better opinion of yule log than the opinion created from this piles of...Whatever it is.

@ Alex...I'm aware of the sarcasm this post. However, seeing that particular PS made me think of all the commenters who may see it and be like"THAT'S not what a yule log is!!". I guess commenting on this particular post about over-thinking readers was not the best time to do it. Next time I'll wait til it makes more sense. Ok with you?

We had ice cream Yule logs yesterday (they're extremely popular in France), and while they were yummy, they did have a fair amount of flotsam on them. Slightly tacky, though not as wrecky as the ones you posted. Just thought I'd share.

As for the post, well, I think you said it all. And the Hitchhiker's Guide reference made me chuckle. :P

Thanks so much for highlighting Give Kids the World. I've been out of town for two weeks, so I only just saw it. They are a phenomenal charity. I've volunteered there and as a seasonal Disney World cast member see families on trips with Give Kids the World enjoying themselves and forgetting their worries for at least a little while.

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.