This week: A speeding driver works out his issues with authority, women work out their issues with the patriarchy, a tea party maven joins the ranks of authority, a really bad use of jumbo french fries and other offenses against good taste and common sense.

The envelopes, please ...

OFFICER, NOW THAT WE’VE LASSOED THE BEAST, HAND ME THE BRANDING IRON AND THE CASTRATION NIPPERS

The city of Harrisburg has so far received $1.97 million, net of commissions, from July’s auction of Wild West artifacts.

William Harnerpennlive.com

ANOTHER REASON MEN SHOULD NOT WEAR SPEEDOS

Gov. Corbett fired acting Education Secretary William Harner after learning Harner’s previous employer had investigated complaints about inappropriate comments, including a report that Harner sent a male employee a photo asking how the employee looks in a bikini-style bathing suit.

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR GOVERNMENT WORK

PennDOT decided not to replace 5,800 tons of substandard asphalt used on a repaving project on Main and Simpson streets in Mechanicsburg. Instead, DOT will deduct approximately $380,000 from the bill for the asphalt.

SOMEWHERE, HUGH HEFFNER IS SAYING, "YOU GO GIRL!”

Members of a group called "Go Topless” gathered in downtown Pittsburgh to demonstrate against laws they say discriminate against women by making it illegal for them to go topless in public.

HMMM…. SO TELL US AGAIN — WHY DID HE HIRE HER?

Responding to questions about why Gov. Corbett hired Ana Puig, a tea party activist with a well-known history of making controversial remarks, spokeswoman Lynn Lawson said, "Has she said some things that are troublesome and offensive to the governor? Yes.”

YUP, EVEN 100-1 HORSES HAVE A CHANCE TO WIN

Though Gov. Corbett’s poll numbers are abysmal, clouding his prospects for re-election, Pennsylvania has chosen a governor from the party opposite the president in 18 of the past 19 elections.

WE DIDN’T REALIZE RICK SANTORUM HAD STARTED WORKING AS A LAWYER FOR THE STATE

In a lawsuit filed against the Montgomery County Register of Wills, Pennsylvania state attorneys compared same-sex couples to children, saying that marriages between committed gay couples are invalid, like marriages between 12 year olds.

This post has been corrected to note that William Harner asked for a photo of the co-worker in a Speedo, rather than sharing a photo of himself in the bathing suit.

Matt Zencey is Deputy Opinion Editor of PennLive and the Patriot-News. Email mzencey@pennlive.com or on Twitter @MattZencey.