November 2010

One Easter I got into a bit of a yelling match with a guy in a visor at an Easter egg hunt. The whole thing was exactly how Jesus imagined us honoring that day. We were at my in-laws country club, which always makes me feel a little weird. We’re certainly rich in a global way, but I kind of think that they can all tell that I’m just a visitor. I feel like the real members can smell middle class on me. (Which kind of smells like sun ripened raspberry and feet by the way.) So after I pointed to where a golden egg was hidden to my 5 year old daughter, he yelled at me for cheating. I told him that his white visor made him look like a financial planner who was wearing his “casual uniform.” Whole thing got very out of hand. (I didn’t say that, but I thought it later when we were driving home, which is where most of my comebacks occur.) The entire incident was gross. My daughter, who lost a golden egg last year has actually asked not to participate in the Easter egg hunt this year. That’s how messed up and tangled we’ve made this season of our lives.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that one of the things Easter is all about is actually pretty simple. I’ve written about it before and I hope to write about it again.

I’m talking about the “comma of grace.” I found it in Luke 22. In that chapter, Jesus is being led away. He is headed to the cross. A million prophecies are coming true and chaos is breaking out a little amongst disciples that up to this point have sworn to serve until death. In the midst of that, he pulls Simon aside because he knows that Simon will soon betray him.

He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32: “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.” And then, he drops the 9 words that I can’t write about enough. The 9 words that I often turn to when I’ve failed and messed up again and feel hopelessly undeserving of hope.

Jesus tells Simon:

“And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying: You are going to fail. You are going to fall. You are going to lose it. You are going to make commitments and break them. You are not going to always be the man your family needs. You are going to sin. But, but, but, you will turn back. You will come back. You will know redemption. You will know return. You will know a God that not only allows the “comeback” but actually celebrates it.

When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like. And then, if you go too fast, you’ll miss the comma. You’ll miss the gap that sits quietly between the next thought. You’ll miss it because like me, you might misread the second half of that sentence.

Here’s what it says: “And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” But here’s how we write it sometimes: “And when you have turned back, repent for a long time and stay a long way from me until you are clean enough to return to my presence.” “And when you have turned back, please stay far away from any ministry opportunities. You are too broken to help other people. How can you minister to others when your own life is so messed up? “And when you have turned back, here are the 57 things you need to do in order to earn back my good favor.” But Christ doesn’t do that! He drops a comma like a grenade. He gives us the gift of the comma and then asks us to strengthen our brothers. Not beat ourselves with emotional whips. Or lay in a hole of shame. Or stay to the shadows of church afraid to be seen. He wants you. In his arms. By his side. Surrendered and free in his presence. Not because you deserve it or have earned it or are perfect. Because of Easter. That’s it.

For any of you who've ever lost a best friend in the blink of an eye & vowed never to get or permit that close of a friendship again... I know how ya feel. The result is - Arms up. Shields up. Roll out the yellow "Stay outside of this line" tape. Yeah I know how you felt - the moment the loss occurred was like a non medicated amputation... one that for me lasted many weeks without explanation those many years ago. I knew I'd eventually stop bleeding, but never thought I ever get completely over it. Though it took many years, I did in so many ways largely get over it. But not completely. I got over it the way amputees do - early on by forgiving the guy who made the cut, & by later on learning to use the one good limb in almost every way as if I still had both limbs instead of just the one. We humans are resilient that way.

Thanks to God bringing it to the table as of late...

I let the last vestiges of that terrible part of the past go today.

No more bleeding. No more limp. No more phantom pain.

And now... what's this? A new limb?

Down comes the yellow tape, the one arm, the shield. Who knows, I might even eventually have something resembling best friends again. It's still a stretch, but it's possible. Up until today, it simply was not. Big shout out to the kid & a few others (you who know who you are) for patience in matching my pace, for inching up closer but not barging past the yellow tape, for preparing the way by embodying true friendship, & for helping me believe again that such a thing was still possible. Thanks.

he sat on my living room couch confessing his bitterness at another's brokenness, & the sting it inflicted on him & his. could see that he'd been leaking out blood from that black & blue wound for months now. my first reaction was to reach for my sword to cut it wide open & let the poisonous pus burst out, but i could not. reached for some salve instead. barely touching, gently smoothed it on. whispered it in, like a secret. and in that tender press, the guy that saves lives for a living let me help him save his.

I don't want to be a scholar of God's covenant but a stranger to God's heart. A master at ministry to people but a novice at intimacy with the ministry giver. For me the what & when & how & even the why are far less important than the 'from where'. Like that guy David who talked about his 'one thing' & then proceeded to rattle off a list of many things -My own mouth can rattle off a list, but it's a flawed list. The groaning of this tumultuous heart is far more accurately able to express a 'one thing' than my mouth is. But if words were crucial, it would be these... I wanna walk tight with God all the days of my life. Obedience has never been my 'one thing'. Great goal - but too sterile. Not weighty enough to set my heart ablaze like the thought of intimacy with God. Not striking enough to keep my heart burning with desire. Evangelism -ministry- or being used by God... all great goals. Great pursuits. Still None Compare. None '1st thing' worthy. Makes me get why God made the first commandment the first commandment. It has the capability to hold & have all the other commands swing 360 round its hinges. It has the gravity to keep all other commands stable in its orbit. It helps them continue to exist & thrive, & flourish. David's list was really about living out life in God's house, as God's companion, making small talk & big talk not as a visitor does, but as a resident would. To set up house in God's dwelling place... and live there as His closest companion. Believing this alone would fully affect the quality of all other commissions & commands I'm given to pursue. But look there.. there it is. I see it now - there is the face I've been seeking - now coming into view. It's simultaneously breathtaking & breathgiving. And like Dave, I spill out into my empty room these words... I gotta live within eye-sight of His face & not just within ear-shot of His voice. Here's where I'm presently & passionately poured out. May this moment last forever.

The ministry of Jesus began in earnest, not with the glittering launch of a manifesto for social change, but with a retreat from the impulse to act. 40 days of largely nothing, nothing but conversations with Truth & questions about being. Before he left His disciples He also told them to first stop & wait. Saying, something good would come from ceasing, not moving forward...just yet. In their retreat from the impulse to act there were many days of nothing, nothing but conversations with Truth & questions about being. Maybe sometimes it’s good to just stop, to close down operations, to shut up shop, to refuse to do anything, except conversations with Truth & questions about being. To push 'pause' on life so that in questions & listening & reflecting & resting - a supernatural replenishing. -m. p & l. k.

Manifesto

Living & dying daily to know God intimately - And in radical obedience & kamikazi servanthood, to carry out His life's work. ________
Having all these words be more than just words as I soul-press, excuses-crucify, life-surrender & present my body to embody the message of my friend Jesus.