Country Living Series

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Poor brainwashed child

Now this is fascinating -- and very very sad.

A couple of years ago, I wrote a column for WND entitled Help! My 15-year-old daughter is having sex! It sparked a lively debate among readers, many of whom flatly disagreed with my stance and defended teen sex as normal and healthy.

Just this morning (I get notifications of such things) another comment was added to the column from a 15 year old girl as follows. Some horrific swear words were "bleeped out" (I get the unedited version). Before reading her comment, please read the column first to understand the context.

As a fifteen year old girl, who is a virgin, a straight A student, a feminist, and a liberal (things you obviously don't agree with) the first thing that came to my mind after reading this is what the ***.

Firstly, I would like to comment on the homeschooling/ private school section of this. Children put in private schools, especially religious ones, tend to have sex earlier and party harder because when you are put in a strict environment you tend to want to rebel. Children who are homeschooled, if they don't have enough extracurricular activities, are weirdos. Sorry, but people have to interact with other people their own age. A fifteen year old shouldn't be spending all her time with her parents. You need friends and interaction to be able to learn how to function in society and be able to create your own opinions and ways of thinking.

Next, lets talk about the slut shaming in this. Having sex, no matter your age, does not make you a whore, slut, bad person, or anything negative. Sex is a decision between two people and they can choose to do whatever makes them comfortable. You cannot speak for someone you have never met. You do not know why she chose to have sex and you can't say it was from pear pressure because you do not know. Maybe she felt ready and her boyfriend felt ready so they made the decision to have intercourse with each other. Maybe she thought it would make their relationship better. Maybe she was horny and decided to just go for it. You don't know and it's not your place to guess or to judge. You also cannot speak for this girl's mother when you talk about what you think her parenting style is. You have not met any of these people so you cannot speak about them or for them.

I will also talk about how you say staying married is important. Single parents can raise a child perfectly fine. A person doesn't need a mother and a father, they just need female and male role models. Staying married won't change how early someone has their sexual debut.

Now lets talk about contraceptives. These are so very important because whether you like it or not teenagers are having sex. In every generation in the past, present and future teenagers have always been and will always have sex. Contraceptives like condoms, the pill, IUDs, the shot, the patch, etc. reduce the chance of a person getting pregnant. This is important because sometimes people don't want a kid. Is that surprising to you? People are going to have sex no matter what so providing birth control is necessary to prevent teen pregnancy.

You also made a facetious comment about abortions. Any living creature has the right to decide what happens to THEIR body and who gets to "use it". This means no one gets to use their body without permission. That could be a man, a woman, or in the case of abortions a fetus. You are in control of your own body and no one gets to use it unless you say okay. So if someone decides to terminate a pregnancy because they don't want a child to grow inside them, that is their *** damn business and it should not concern you. I am not pro-abortion, I am pro-choice. Meaning that I believe no one else should have a say in what you decide.

To close my argument, although i have so much more to say about this, I'll talk about this comment, "Too often, modern parenting techniques are antithetical to the old-fashioned time-tested ways to raise children, complete with restrictions, religious values, discipline, repercussions, training and high expectations of moral behavior." The reason for modern parenting techniques instead of old-fashioned time-tested ways is that people evolve with the times. If we didn't we all would be sold into marriage, people would be stoned for committing crimes, and we would burn "witches" at the stake. Times change and so should parenting techniques. When your baby cries you probably shouldn't give it whiskey or wine because we now know that alcohol is bad for people, especially infants. Swaddling techniques have changed. Car seats have changed. Dietary habits for kids has changed. Disciplinary acts for teenagers has changed. Approaches to dealing with teenagers expressing their sexuality has changed because now we now better. Do we know everything? No. Is that okay? Yes. Should we be open to other opinions? Yeah. Should you realize that things change and thats okay? Yup. No matter what you tell your kids are they still going to make their own decisions? Yes because everyone is an individual and you have to realize that. Get with the times and open your *** damn eyes because sheltering your kids isn't going to help anyone.

To be quite truthful, I feel achingly sorry for this child. Liberals like to accuse conservatives of "brainwashing" their children to be good moral decent citizens. But can you honestly say this poor kid hasn't been brainwashed into liberalism? She parroted every talking point in the left-leaning spectrum without, I'm guessing, any true comprehension of how easy sex, easy contraceptives, and easy abortions can impact a young girl's life forever.

The progressive mindset that self-control must equal repression is a clear sign of this girl's immaturity. Hey, the sky's the limit, do whatever you feeeeeel like doing! Who cares what the consequences might be? If the 15-year-olds in question feel "ready" for sex, whoo-hoo! The kids are "horny" so they shouldn't bother their little heads about about self-control -- go for it! If the birth control fails, that's what abortions are for!

Thanks but no thanks. I'd rather have teens who are "weirdos" (her term) than teens like this young lady. I don't want to "get with the times" if the "times" produce fruit like this.

I, too, doubt that a 15 year old girl wrote it. It certainly reads like a well practiced harpy wrote it.Either way, it is disheartening. However, Patrice's column certainly struck a nerve and made them come unglued, lol.sidetracksusie

I think it is disingenuous to assume a 15 year old could have wrote this. My 14 and 16 year old could refute this young woman's arguments. Patrice's daughters could as well, I'm sure. If we are going to expect intelligence from our children why would we assume the other side of the coin could not produce the same level of reasoning, even if it does disagree with us? I agree it is not likely that the average 15 year old would write it but I do not think it is impossible. Regardless, we need to pray for our children. This young woman is the future of America. This is what my son gets to look forward too as a wife. (I hope he would stay single if there are not good women left!) This is what my daughters will have to fight the tide from. I thought the feminists are fierce now, I think we havn't seen anything yet.

The math/science shows how many of her statements are utterly false. And the overwhelming emotionality of the whole diatribe just screams, "I haven't got any real scientific evidence, just a screaming hissy fit of opinion and curses." If this is an example of what public schools are teaching for "Logic," I have yet another reason to be glad I'm homschooling.

She isn't saying the fetus is a part of her body, like a wart or tumor. Worse, she is saying it is a separate person who is using her body without her permission so she has the right to evict it. Nevermind that having sex which could lead to pregnancy was a choice she made. It's like holding someone prisoner in your basement then saying it is OK to kill them since you don't want them in your house.

Whether you agree with her stances or not.....all that coming from a 15 yo is quite amazing. I wasn't expecting something that well written (let's leave out the expletives).

Most 15 yos can barely string a couple of sentences together, let alone put to paper their opinions in this manner. ....

So...without her coming forward to be able to compare writing pieces....I'm saying bull ****. I think you have someone posing as a 15 yo. They did this to show how obviously dense the rest of us are.....even a 15 yo knows better and what's happening.

mdoe37, I think you are right. When was the last time you heard a government-schooled 15 yo use words like 'facetious'? This sounds more like it was written by a progressive parent who is militant in defense of how she raised her little darling. Either way it just shows how far this once-great country has fallen. Sad indeed.

Patrice’s site speaks to critical life skills lost in past generations. Parenting is certainly one of them.Montana Guy

"Pear pressure"... yeah, this one sure was a public school student!This is the next generation, folks. These are the kids who will bring communism to America, who will willingly vote for world government, who will willingly put the older generation to death. "Brave New World" has come true in our time. God help us.

...interesting how the young lady doesn't take into consideration that it was the unthinking action of those having sex who brought a child - with it's own distinct body/potential/rights/etc - into existence in the first place.

I wonder if she advocates calling a hit squad for invited guests at her own parties?

Not going to get into the main discussion, I kinda agree and kinda don't and don't have the energy to take up the argument for most of it.

Two points I do want to touch on:

1: She makes a good point about teenage sex throughout the ages, it has always happened and likely always will until science finds a way to stifle the sex drive. Strong education is key to preventing it yes, but a strong education in how the various contraceptive options work (or don't) is simply too valuable to ignore. Even if the teenager never needs it, the married adult likely will. And, since there will always be a rebel in the crowd (again, till science figures out how to make us all robots or we evolve to become higher beings), having a solid contraceptive understanding can at least prevent unwanted pregnancy (a very valuable thing all by itself).

Point two: Homeschooled kids as weirdo's. I don't agree with the terminology. However I do have to state that I've found that kids who were homeschooled their entire school lives always seem to end up lacking in certain interpersonal skills. And no, I don't mean "have sex with your boyfriend cause that's normal" sort of interpersonal. I mean that they seem to lack in understanding how certain things (words, actions) affect their peers (which, once they're in the workforce is every one of their co-workers regardless of age). I'm not bashing homeschooling, infact if I had kids I would be seriously considering it for them, but homeschooling does change a child's ability to interact with their peers, and not always in a good way.

" I do have to state that I've found that kids who were homeschooled their entire school lives always seem to end up lacking in certain interpersonal skills.~...that they seem to lack in understanding how certain things (words, actions) affect their peers (which, once they're in the workforce is every one of their co-workers regardless of age)."

Oh really? And exactly how many homeschooled people do you actually know?

I know several, and without exception they are exactly opposite to what you assert, and in every respect.

As an employer I've found them without exception to be smarter, more conscientious, harder working and and more respectful, reliable employees than anyone that's ever worked for us who came out of the public school system.

You admit to having no children, and I seriously doubt you've ever owned a business or hired anyone, whereas I am experienced in both arenas, and probably older than you are.

So pardon my bluntness, but based on your post, my impression is you don't know what you're talking about. All talky, no walky.

You should ask the adults teaching 4H if the homeschooled kids lack in skills necessary to communicate effectively, whether or not they can take a project to completion, or do a demonstration at fair. As far as interpersonal skills, I am unsure what you mean. If you mean, do they speak the language of the immature, wear the clothes, know all about the latest pop fad/loser hero of the day, then you are right. Many homeschooled kids (not all by far) are removed from the pop culture weirdness that is "normal".My son likes his peers but by all means interacts with the adults more like an adult, because he's far more mature. I think that's where the big difference is noticed and misunderstood. We are not raising him to be an immature peter pan teenager without responsibilities, we are raising him to be an adult. Yes, some of his peers probably think he is weird. After all, he is the young man who offers help with clean up and then thanks his instructors and shakes their hands before leaving archery. He will fit into the world of MATURE adults far better and sooner than many adults who are justifying their offsprings' poor upbringing and eternal immaturity.sidetracksusieA weirdo from the public school system

You said: "I've found that kids who were homeschooled their entire school lives always seem to end up lacking in certain interpersonal skills."

My children, ages 10-18 have been homeschooled all their life. Last week, someone dropped by our home and we were talking for about an hour. When they were leaving to go on their way, the man asked, "Are your kids always so quiet?" (They are not noisy and usually have good manners.) My 18-yr.-old son's reply to my telling them of the question was: "Yes, we are weird; we enjoy listening to adults talk." He was referencing a separate instance when another homeschooling mom and I were discussing random issues, and our children just stood around listening to the conversation, and afterward my children were discussing that homeschoolers must be weird because they enjoy adult conversations.

My son is asked to work for folks who can't seem to keep hired help around. He is quiet and not a talker, but he is a steady worker, who finishes the job every time. His employers like his work and tell us it must be because he is homeschooled. They can't get public schooled teens to work so willingly.

I enjoy being able to talk with my homeschoolers about issues going on in the world, and to have a largely mature and intelligent discussion with them. Most moms probably do not have that kind of privilege. As Bible-believing Christians, we have had interesting discussions about the non-biblical actions of people in the world today, and the radical idea that God's way is the best way to prevent trouble, heartache, and physical problems. Again, not too many parents can say that they have open and honest discussions with their teenage children. Having homeschooled children means you are with them A LOT of the time. You know where they are, and what they are doing, because you are near them or with them so much of the time. It actually increases the respect of older teenagers for their parents in an amazing way.

Of the other homeschoolers I have known through the years (lots of them), a surprising percentage of their homeschooled children have Asperger's Syndrome, a sort of mild autism. Both of my children are Aspies, themselves.

One of the major problems Aspies have is (drum roll please) interpersonal skills. Skills that other children would pick up easily as they grow up, just by watching interactions of others, have to be carefully taught to Aspies. Even with the training, it is not something that comes naturally, and they will forever be somewhat socially awkward. It just comes with the autism.

I have to agree with the others, though -- Asperger's or not, I would much rather my kids be disconnected from what is "normal" among their public-school counterparts and be thought "weird" than to be in the thick of it all and possibly get involved in the bad behavior exhibited by the teens around them.

Interestingly, though both of my teens are Aspies, I am frequently complimented on their behavior -- usually by people who don't know they are homeschooled or that they have Asperger's. People comment on how nice, engaging, well-spoken, considerate, and respectful they are. These are the opinions of adults. Considering how much of their lives will be spent in the adult world, I figure the opinions of adults are much more important than those of teens.

Ruth, dear, I don't know how old you are, but I am in my mid-60' and was around when the sexual revolution began. I can assure you that even when I graduated from high school in 1969, MOST girls kept their pants on and their legs crossed. We always knew who the "sluts" were. I can guarantee they were not held in high esteem by the good kids in our classes. Yes, a few girls rebelled, but not most. It wasn't until the late 60's and 70's that slutty behavior became the norm for high school girls and college bound women. And I make no PC apologies for calling these girls and women who have sex outside of marriage "sluts". Although Hollywood and public "education" have "normalized" it as well as childbirth outside of marriage, many of us have not -we just have been cowed into "letting it go" and not expressing our true beliefs based on REAL and RATIONAL moral values necessary for the fruitful and deliberate continuation of our culture and of our species. No matter that countless medical and psychological studies show the harm casual sex, abortion, sexual diseases, and fatherless homes have on our generations, radical feminists persist in pushing promiscuous sexual behavior. Smart folks figure that, if you're sick and know the cause, you generally stop doing whatever is causing the problem!

Weird homeschoolers: Puleeezzzz! You may have been talked into the other irrational idea that homeschoolers are weird because you say they have not been properly "socialized". So true in one respect - in the practices which once were considered "SUB-CULTURE" and which launched this string of comments. Why would any family want to "socialize" their child to think casual sex, abortion, carrying around deadly STD's, and single parent homes are the "right" way to live. Yes, we are socializing these children but not to believe as the truly messed up people in society erroneously believe.

Thank you Donald Trump (announcement speech yesterday) for giving me the righteous indignation today to write this comment! I am so sick of PC and so sick of being "shushed" because we don't want to draw scrutiny or "shaming" from the left when it is their opinions that truly SHOULD draw shame.

I'm a homeschooling parent, I socialize with other homeschool families and I agree with you on your second point.

Overall, the home educated children I know (and they are many) are pleasant, articulate, confident and are far more comfortable conversing with a wide age range than institutionally educated children, but many also miss important social cues.

I'm only guessing as to causes, but part of it is surely that some children are homeschooled BECAUSE they are already "different" and don't fit well in an institutional school setting. Part of it is likely that the parents who homeschool are unconventional themselves and, either through nature or nurture, pass that on to their offspring.

Homeschooling is not a cure-all. There are weaknesses in it that most parents try to overcome, but in my opinion, it is better than the alternatives.

Didn't say that those teenagers who had sex weren't sluts (though I despise the name calling) if you want to call them that. And yes, it is happening more frequently now than say 50yrs ago. Doesn't mean it didn't happen 50 or 100 years ago. If anything the fact that it's becoming more prevalent ought to be a sign that something besides education on the subject is needed. Pretty sure the lack of "something" started a couple generations ago though.

Didn't say that homeschooled kids don't excel in the workplace, as far as management is concerned. Infact the opposite is often true as they've been taught better how to work. They are also usually among the politest of the bunch, at least where interacting with management is concerned.

Its entirely possible that some of what I've attributed to a lacking in interpersonal skills is actually something along the lines of aspergers or autism, but some of them it definitely isn't, I know them and their families quite well.

Indeed, most of the homeschooled kids I know were well socialized......within their family's prefered society. Many were part of a "circle" of homeschool families that shared resources. They played club sports. They did all sorts of church functions. But when they got out into the rest of the world, outside of that community, where they have to interact with the public who was educated differently, there is a lack of something in the interpersonal skills department. It may be that there is no way to get that without doing actual school. I do agree that the trade-offs of homeschool are very likely worth it. Doesn't change that it's there.

And no, it has nothing to do with "public opinion" on homeschooling. I was, infact, unaware of that opinion when I first noticed it myself. Both the highschool and college I went to were run by a fairly tight knit religious community. Many were homeschooled through the Jr High level and then went to boarding school for highschool, and still more were homeschooled till college. In retrospect I don't recall much of it in highschool, with my peers who'd been homeschooled to that point. But it really hit me in college. Starting with a home schooled friend who'd managed to completely piss off several of her friends, and she couldn't figure out why. I don't even remember now what the problem was specifically, but it boiled down to understanding some aspect of social interaction differently. I shrugged it off. It happens. But I saw it happening over and over, in interactions between the "homeschooled kids" and the "school educated kids". Interestingly enough I don't recall ever seeing it between "homeschooled kid" and "homeschooled kid" at the college level. Though I have since in the work place.

I'm not saying that the tradeoff of the benefits of homeschooling aren't worth that, but it doesn't change that its there.

Having put my three oldest through public school, and listening to them laugh about the constant drama of "pissed off" friends, over minutia, I would wager that it's not just the homeschooling that makes teens different: it's the culture of the family raising them. We are conservative, no-nonsense family that truly laughs together over the nonsense of high school and our kids will tell their friends how messed up their drama is. That isn't weird, it's honest. They didn't do it to hurt their friends, they were trying to give them a reference for reality, usually with humor. Not understanding teen drama when you come from a non drama family is expected, I guess.sidetracksusie

Ironically just after reading the comments, I stumbled on an article that talked about skills trumping the need for a college degree for success AND "being able to work with people from many backgrounds" as another factor in success. I think how ever you gain your skills (home, school, etc) as isn't important as their mastery. Towards that same end, it is just as important that you learn to cope with different personalities and different backgrounds, whether it's done by joining sports teams, summer programs, music lessons, or in school. It's about more than being a mature, polite employee that the boss appreciates (although that is wonderful!) It's about knowing how to appreciate and work with the strengths and weaknesses of your co-workers and clients. Being able to rally them to your ideas and NOT have them dismiss you as the boss's brown-noser, or dismiss ideas because they don't connect with you. Also people often go the 'extra mile' for other people they connect with on some level. Homeschoolers are just as capable of this workplace camaraderie, but like most things, the few awkward overly-sheltered examples somehow become the stereotype. I guess the lesson for success is to not only help our children master their skills, but to learn how to find connections in others, share a laugh, resolve a conflict, deal with a loud person, hear a quiet person, encourage a shy person, discover those personalities we best 'click with' and appreciate all the best people have to offer.Just a thought...~Clare

This was NOT written by a 15 year old, no matter what she claims. The damage done to a woman's body and mind from an abortion are rarely discussed. An abortion increases your likelihood of breast cancer by a HUGE amount. The emotional tole is even worse. But of course, you have the choice to participate in all things that are not good for you and yet the biggest problem is her argument about having the right to decide what happens to your own body. 1st, the child didn't have any say in being conceived, and now has no say in it's prenatal care, nor in it's demise. Yeah.... the argument about rights just flew out the window. If we don't instill our values in our children, then the world around them will instill it's values in them, and I believe that is exactly what went wrong. Most of these kids have had little guidance or values given to them and are left to their own devices by a broken family cycle. What a shame she has such little idea of the trouble and sadness she and her peers are perpetuating in their own lives and society.

Let's ignore the immorality and what the Word of God tells us about these things, just for a moment. Liberals, for the most part, do not want anyone believing in God or Christ. Anyone who believes is labeled a "weirdo." Okay... so what about the health side of the issue? Liberals push promiscuous and gay sex, but they don't want anyone calling it "immoral." So how about we call it "unhealthy"? "Dangerous"? "Life threatening"? Notice we never hear or read anything about AIDS anymore? It hasn't gone away! At least, not physically. Only in the minds of liberal-progressives. I have only touched on the health issues liberal-progressives have cast upon society. There is much, MUCH more that is wrong with the liberal lifestyle! --Fred in AZ

funny how someone who categorically says she doesn't know everything seems to "know" better than Patrice about a heck of a lot, in spite of, actually, only being halfway to psychological adulthood at this point.

Funny how people who have never been around homeschooled kids always judge their 'social' skills. When you attend public school you associate almost exclusively with other children your age. ie; 2nd graders associate with 2nd graders, 8th graders with 8th graders, etc. However in homeschooling, socialization takes on a much more realistic role. Most of the time you associate with people of all ages which creates a more mature way of handling themselves and thus is considered 'weird' by people who want them to only act like other people their own age. Homeschoolers are much better socialized than most any public school child. They also come from more intact families and are given better guidance on social behavior. Give me a homeschooler any day !!

Think about your statement for a second, and see how foolish it is. "commit murder if threatened by someone entering your valley". It's not murder to kill in self defense of yourself, loved ones, or friends/neighbors.

Now, try to make a statement that has something to do with the actual subject of the thread.

God clearly distinguished between killing and murder (shedding of innocent blood). I believe Christians have a God-given DUTY to protect their loved ones. If it REQUIRES killing an evil-doer then so be it.

Anonymous at 9:56, would you please dismount from your high horse and answer one question. If your innocent loved one was about to be raped and/or murdered, and you knew I had a gun, would you want me to intervene as necessary to stop the perpetrator?Montana Guy

She’s 15. One of these days she’s going to grow up and have kids of her own and her mindset will change completely--I hope. Yes, things have changed, but that doesn't mean for the better. As for those who don't have sex until they're married, stay married, and homeschool their children (you know, educate them in actual society instead of the fishbowl she’s been educated in, where everyone is born within a year of her), they will likely lead more financially solvent, more mentally stable, longer, physically healthier lives due to the opportunities that not living with a sign on their knees that says "We Never Close" will afford them. I ache for her and other children like her who will be the designated caregivers and decision makers for me and my generation when we're old and helpless and bedridden. Not only is there no hope for my generation in our declining years, she and hers will wonder where the yellow went. It’s simply the rantings of an uneducated, inexperienced child.

Oh well. Being 15 makes you so incredibly wise, clever and experienced. And oh so righteous when you've got something you firmly believe in. Ask her again in 10, 20 years, when she's got a bit of experience.

All I can do is pray for this generation. No one wants to hear about their sins and rebellion againsta Holy God. The Lord gave us His Word, so why are we so surprised when people do exactly as He told us they would be. I didn't die for anyone's sins. I just try to be an example and pray for the HS to open their hearts to Jesus.Thank you for letting me voice my opinion on your blog.Love from NC

If indeed a 15yo wrote this nonsense, she obviously needs some strong parental guidance, which I doubt she has ever had. She is part of the no-limits, blame someone else, screw you I can do what ever I want and you have to pay for the consequenses generation.

The idea that homeschooled kids don't know how to deal with people and socialize is nonsense. Just being polite and pleasant is really all the "social skills" you need to make it in the world, and most home schoolers I've ever known are that and more. That comment was obviously written by someone who just dislikes the oposite world view from hers.

You say that any body has the right to decide what happens to their body, who can "use it". You are in control of your own body and no one gets to use it unless you say okay. If you have sex, you are giving permission for that fetus to develop unless you use a contraceptive. Once you have granted permission, what gives you the right to commit murder? Maybe you were too lazy to bother with contraception. Once you have made that mistake, why should an innocent life pay the ultimate price. If you are young person making these choices then you need to grow up and accept the consequences of your actions and not make an innocent life pay for your actions.

Having taught 15 years olds in a government operated school system, it is highly unlikely that this was written by a 15 year old girl. As many others have pointed out the article is very well written, words were used that she wouldn't know how to spell, and the sentences are grammatically complete. If it was a 15 year old it would have been written in texting slang because most young ones have no idea how to spell. Finally I don't know any young person that would go on a rant of that length without repeating themselves many times. Rebekah

That comment proves the liberal mindset of feelings and emotions are more important than logic. I fact, it could be argued that the liberal mind is not capable of logic.

There is not one single logical reason given in the entire comment. It is all about feelings and emotions.

History has proven over and over that when you are ruled by your feelings and emotions and ignore logic, bad things usually happen.

The reason for that is because feelings and emotions can change on a whim, in the blink of an eye. Logic is generally based on some form of factual knowledge, some standard, quantifiable tidbit of information.

Therein lies the problem with feelings and emotion controlling a society, the lack of set standards, moral and ethical especially.

Logic says that if everyone does as he or she "feels," there will be societal upheaval.

If she took honors classes, came in, sat down, shut up, and paid attention, she COULD have learned to write like that in public school at fifteen. I did.

Granted, all my teachers told me I was a bloody gifted writer. I wasn't. There was nothing special about my writing, other than the fact that I had memorized the basic rules of grammar and paragraph structure and knew my way around a semicolon and a metaphor.

However uncommon, it does happen. Especially if she spent her free time reading a lot of books.

On the subject of homeschoolers, social skills, and high-functioning autism... WARNING: RANT AHEAD

I am an adult female high-functioning autistic who was educated in public school.

It did exactly JACK to improve my social skills. Zip, zero, zilch, nada. Exposure to a wide range of peers does not teach you how to better socialize when, from preschool to eighth grade, all those peers want to do is call you a freak, set you up to humiliate yourself, tell you on a daily basis that you should have been aborted, and throw stuff at you.

That was my PreK-8th experience. I came out of it with a decent education, depression, generalized anxiety, and PTSD.

As for the Asperger's, it wasn't any better. I had learned not to speak (but not how to speak when needed). I had learned that I had no worth. The "Cult of Self-Esteem" might be crapola, but a person needs some belief in their capability and worth if they are going to try to undertake and accomplish anything. By the time elementary and middle school finished with me, I had NONE.

What social skills I learned, I picked up by going to the grocery store with my grandmother. By sitting quietly behind the couch while she hosted circle meetings. By watching my mother interact with her friends. By spending time after school in the creek with the handful of other freaks, geeks, and "losers" that the "in-crowd" harassed on a daily basis (usually in a mixed-age group that consisted of an assortment of siblings). By observing my father and aunt and uncle interact. By spending time with my cousins (another mixed-age group). By hanging out in the kitchen for holiday meals at my great-grandmother's house, working with the adults. By reading books about how people act.

Until college, I DID NOT learn social skills from my peers. The only social lessons I learned from my peers were that guys would like me more if I "put out" (I didn't). People would like me more if I did what they did (smoke, drink, experiment with drugs-- at 17, I finally got lonely and went along just to have somewhere to go). Companionship could be bought, at least on a per diem basis.

I learned nothing good from interacting with my peers in public education until I got to college and lucked into a good husband and a good peer group. And THEN, once my brain wiring had caught up to that adolescent growth spurt (like most HFA kids, I was 20 to 30% behind my peers in social development), I learned some good social skills from hanging around with people a few years younger than me.

Public school?? It gave me a decent education, some experiences I wish I could forget, and a basket of mental illnesses that make Asperger's look like an unadulterated, unalloyed gift from a loving God.

Hey guess what? My very poor homeschooled daughter is now27 and has never, ever dated, let alone had sex before marriage.She is to busy working and having music lessions and so forth.And she as an associated degree from a college that is paid for and she graduated Magna cuma laude.O well such is lifeBlessingsDebby

I enjoy your blog Patrice, and have read it for many years. I enjoy your day to day posts as well as your WND articles.

While I almost always agree with what you write, it seems if anyone has a negative comment or disagrees, you then go on to making a blog post about it. The last few weeks that has been what has taken over your blog. It would seem to me that you have to have your readers back you up... Could you not just reply to that person in the comments and let other readers reply also? I understand most of these negative comments come from what you call "trolls", so why go to all the trouble to write a post giving the trolls more attention? It is my assumption that that is exactly what they want. Just some thoughts...

Think this person has a point. Why give the "trolls" the time of day. Really! The only good it does is to make us aware of the "sickness" of our liberal society. We swallow it, hook, line, and sinker and wonder why we even took the bait to begin with. Poor fish, should have been smarter! Alas, into the frying pan for you!

oh poor child I used to be you at 15. I used to think the socially responsible thing was to be pro-choice. I used to think that at 15 I was mature enough to make my own decisions about my own body, in my own time. I was 15 when I first lost my virginity, and while I thought I was ready a the time, this is something I have regretted deeply. But at 15, you just don't understand yet. I had quick easy access to birth control and all my friends told me how to get it. I was at least smart enough that I would not have had sex if I wasn't on birth control. This only would have delayed the inevitable, but it was just too easy for me to walk into the free clinic and walk out with my pack of pills (don't even get me started on all the side effects I didn't understand or had to hide from friends and family). I used to think that if I ever got pregnant I would just abort the "fetus" and it would be no big deal. Then when I was in a loving marriage and I got pregnant, at 6 week I could see the heart beat, and I could see the fingers forming, and I could see the little head, and I just knew and this was not just some ball of cells, this was a little person. By 11 weeks (well within the legal abortion range) it truly looked like a tiny baby that even responded when I ate something sweet. That instant all I could think was, oh man, people have this so wrong. As for your ideas about marriage, I must also disagree with you here. I come from a broken home where I didn't now my father and my mom had several failed marriages. I didn't understand what a real, healthy relationship looked like. I bought into the media-fueled lie that if I wasn't "happy" all the time then it wasn't meant to be. Guess what, real life and real relationships are messy. It is so important for a child to have both their mother and father in their life, being a good role model for them. I am not trying to say all children from broken homes will be "damaged" or will not turn into wonderfully capable adults, but I am saying that is will sure teach them important lessons, and hopefully save them from some hard lessons along the way. I turned out just fine. I have a masters degree, and excellent job, and wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter. I am also wise enough to be able to look through my past and see the errors of my ways. Being strong willed myself, it is hard to take direction (from parents, from role models, from God) but I have realized, as I have matured, that everyone really has my best interest at heart, even if I am unable to see it at the time. Finally, about the home school "weirdo" comments, I would like to point you to much of the academic research actually proves that most home schooled children are just as well-adjusted (if not more-so) socially than public school children. They also score on par or higher on academic tests than their public school counterparts. Here you are simply stereotyping a group in your argument against what you feel are stereotypes of underage sex. All I will say is, since you say that you are still a virgin, stay that way for your own sake. Wait as long as you can, and do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Your future self will thank you. I hope that in your quest for knowledge and understanding that you do not shut out the possibility of God and that you would search for Him as well. That is a personal journey worth undertaking! I hope you know I do not chastise you, because I used to be you. I am telling you only what I wish I could go back and tell myself. With love from a stranger!!

Sex is natural and normal for humans who reach puberty. Society has placed limits on sex and most people do indeed feel these limits make sense. The problem isn't the sex it is the enforcement of socities wishs. Should children under age 18 have sex? Probably BUT we would also probably all agree it would be better in most cases if they did not. But then should people be sent to jail if they have sex? Hmmmmm. Which is worse having sex which we all agree is natural and normal and we ALL do it or punishing people who have sex even thought we all do it.