Why Walking Down a Dark Alley at 2 A.M. Is Not ‘Asking For It’

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“Rape culture” isn’t just violence. It isn’t just the appalling treatment of the victims of that violence. It’s lingering, ever-present fear: Fear of where you go, what you do, how you look, who you talk to, what you say.

It sounds so extreme at first that I confess even I, a proud feminist, initially balked at the term. … Isn’t such overblown terminology the kind of thing that makes people call feminists “humorless” and “strident” and accuse us of holing up in our ivory towers, theorizing about human behavior without ever witnessing much of it?

It’s true that “rape culture”—the idea that we might live in a world that actually facilitates rape, particularly men raping women, so that the threat of rape can be used to keep all women in line—sounds flat-out dystopian at first.It’s also so embedded in the culture that it’s nearly impossible to spot: You don't notice rape culture, like you don't notice oxygen or gravity, in part because you've probably never gone without it. You could cite, as Harding does, the fact that convicted rapist Mike Tyson is now cast as a harmless kook in comedies like The Hangover and How I Met Your Mother; the fact that, in multiple movies and TV shows (Crank, Game of Thrones) rapes are presented as something the victim actually enjoys by the end; the accusations of “overreacting” and “militancy” aimed at those who believe Roman Polanski should serve prison time for raping a pre-teen, or that Julian Assange should be tried for date rape; the frequent mishandling of rape cases by the police, or the brutal attacks on women’s character when they bring those rape cases to trial; the climate of fear women live in, the constant messages that women should avoid doing certain things (wearing short skirts, drinking at parties, going to parties) unless they “expect” to be raped, and that they are somehow less worthy of compassion or justice if they “fail” to protect themselves.

Harding does spell all of this out, and does a great job of backing her case up with real incidents, some of which—like the story of a Philadelphia detective who referred to the sex-crimes unit as the “Lying Bitches Unit”—will turn your stomach. But she also dives into the most telling manifestations of rape culture: the moments when it becomes clear how the culture harms not just rape victims, but everyone. These are often apparently innocuous incidents. They’re the moments when you suddenly realize the gravitational force that's been holding you down.

One example: I have had, in my life, at least two arguments with men who couldn’t see why I was frightened of something. One man didn’t understand why I wouldn’t take a subway train alone, after midnight, when leaving a party. Another had a “no smoking” rule in the house and didn’t like that I would smoke out the window, rather than going outside, if I was up all night on deadline. These men weren’t obtuse, or sexist, or hurtful. They each had a point: It was a bother to chaperone me; breathing secondhand smoke is gross. But I had a point: It was unfair to ask me to risk my safety. Those men, very honestly, and with the best of intentions and politics, did not see any threat to my safety. For them, going out alone at night was just something you might have to do occasionally. For me — for most women — it had been the subject of innumerable lectures and lessons, dozens of jokes and snide comments about women who didn’t take responsibility, headlines, friends’ horror stories, the flashing red warning light in my brain that told me to watch the clock and watch my back because you know what happens to girls like that, don’t you.

I’d never realized that living in a sexist culture — and, yes, a rape culture — had such an impact on my choices, or how constantly I felt the obligation to “protect” my body from unwanted touching or sexual attention, until I realized that I could not imagine feeling safe enough to stand on my own doorstep at 2 a.m. Meanwhile, the person I slept next to every night couldn’t imagine feeling any other way.

Harding is excellent on this burden of fear and exhaustion, and the impossibility of doing everything “right,” pointing to the pattern in which a woman followed every “rule” for outwitting or avoiding an attacker and was still blamed by the media for the fact that the rape occurred. Ever been told you should always go to a bar with friends, so you can watch out for each other? One woman went to a bar with several friends, was led through a side door by her attacker, and was raped while her friends stood at that very door, trying to get past the man guarding it, and frantically petitioning the bar's owner to help them. Those friends were told not to worry about what was happening on the other side of the door. Told that you should make a run for it, or go into a public place for protection? One woman fled from a man who had been following her, dove into a city bus for protection, was followed onto the bus by her attacker, and therefore got off the bus, at a stop right next to her home, and made a run for it. But her rapist ran faster, so columnists wrote scolding pieces about how she wouldn't have been raped if she'd stayed on the bus all night. Not only is this infuriating—every victim is automatically an unworthy victim, because the fact of being attacked means she's “failed”—the climate of fear doesn't actually serve to help women in any meaningful way.

Instead, the laws of rape culture, Harding writes, are a system of Catch-22s that wind up blaming every actual or potential rape victim.

“If we get assaulted while walking alone in the dark, we’re told we should have used our heads and anticipated the danger,” she writes. “But if we’re honest about the amount of mental real estate we devote to anticipating danger, then we’re told we’re acting like crazy man-haters, jumping at shadows and tarring an entire gender with the brush that rightly belongs to a relatively small number of criminals.”

Harding also illustrates how all these large and small incidents connect to form an overwhelmingly oppressive climate. Nearly every common instance of rape culture (except the actual existence of rape) could be harmless in another context. When comedian Daniel Tosh yells “wouldn’t it be hilarious if that girl got raped” at a heckler—another incident Harding covers—he’s just doing his job and shutting down a disruption. Unless, that is, the woman he’s yelling at has been taught to worry about, fear and try to avoid rape every day of her life, in which case he’s actively taking part in the culture’s use of rape threats to control her behavior. Unless he’s yelling it in a culture where (as Harding notes) there are many documented instances of women being raped while crowds watched, in which case it’s possible to interpret what he says as a viable threat. But, since that’s the culture we live in, one comedian’s “harmless” little bit of crowd work—his exploitation of a lifelong fear that he may not even fully understand—directly reinforces and continues the violent oppression of half of humanity.

It’s comforting to believe that people like Tosh (or the team behind Game of Thrones, or Crank, or the most vehement Polanski defenders, or, or, or) would behave differently if they saw the whole picture. If, for example, they read a good book on the subject. Which is unfortunate, since Rule One of Rape Culture, much like Fight Club, is that you never talk about Rape Culture.

It's this—the reaction to writing a whole book about rape culture, in a world that prefers not to talk about the problem – that I was curious about when I called Harding. “I said, ‘Oh, I’m not even actually getting all that blowback,’” Harding told me over the phone. “My agent was like, ‘Kate, have you read the fucking comments?’”

This is the last, ugliest post-script to Harding’s book: The fact that attempting to analyze rape culture means facing off against the sector of the public that believes “rape culture” is a myth, and that women who speak about it ought to be punished. Certain men will not find themselves pleased to be spoken of as part of the problem, or with the idea that there is a problem at all, and they can be quite volatile when disagreed with—when Harding realized she couldn’t write the book without including a chapter on the notoriously violent folks behind GamerGate, she says, it was a “shitty moment.” Readings (like an upcoming event in the Men’s Rights hub of Toronto) have to be planned around potential disruption. New waves of Twitter trolls have to be blocked.

“Those silencing voices that make people afraid to talk about rape, afraid to tell their stories for fear they’ll be harassed and ridiculed, that’s a big element of rape culture,” Harding says. “And that’s why they do that, because they don’t want people to speak out. … If we speak about this publicly, there is this vague specter of someone who might do something, and that’s asking hostile questions at a Q&A or that’s bringing a gun into an event.”

I ask Harding if she’s behaving any differently in the face of blowback. She begins to answer, then checks herself, “When you asked me that, I was about to perpetuate rape culture, because I was like, ‘Oh, I’m just doing commonsense stuff to protect myself,’ “ she says. “And then I realized, no, I’m winging it.”

“Rape culture” isn’t just violence. It isn’t just the appalling treatment of the victims of that violence. It’s lingering, ever-present fear: Fear of where you go, what you do, how you look, who you talk to, what you say. Some of us may never get up the nerve to stand outdoors at 2 in the morning. But to resist all that conditioning — even just by admitting that it exists — is, in its way, a victory. “Protecting” ourselves with silence and paranoia hasn't worked out so well thus far. We can, at the very least, disrupt all that cautious silence to make a bit of noise.

So 3 months makes an issue no longer relevant? Lay off the Twitter. If it were well over a year you'd have somewhat of point. This is case in point. I didn't say 10% of men, I said at worst. In reality it's much less than that. Either way, labeling all men potential rapists is the same as labeling all women as rationally deficient feral animals. There are a number of women, perhaps 10% (maybe more, maybe a lot less) that can reason, think critically, engage in healthy debate and develop well informed opinions. These are the minority, like rapists.

The real shame in this is that many are willfully ignorant and get by with it. It's as much their own fault as it is societies as a whole after a certain age. Don't get me wrong here. There are plenty of men that are just as bad. Easily half of them. These are the flock. The flock is meant to form their own individual fantasy narrative opinions, they are meant to follow. Simply look around you and see the truth for what it is, equality is a lie. If that doesn't convince you, then your head is buried in the sand.

Rational minded critical thinking people are as far beyond the irrational people as they are beyond apes. They are feral. When they get involved in politics, opinions and debates it becomes a selfish circus of irrational emotional drivel. Emotion plays an important role motivations toward an end, but they rarely if ever should be the reason for doing or the end goal. Irrational people have a purpose too, it's just not at this level. If they want in, then they need to do some internal work first.

Posted by Darth Folwart on 2015-12-20 14:59:39

On one hand, it's staggering that you think women are weak and bad at critical thinking but are hell bent on destroying civilization. At least your sexism is relatively equal-opportunity, since you apparently think as many as 10% of men cannot control themselves and are potential rapists. I hope you let any potential girlfriend read that comment so she knows what she's getting into.

On the other hand, dude, this article is three months old. I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish here.

Posted by Vanadise on 2015-12-19 22:34:41

That's another problem with people these days. Where did the idea come from that people are entitled to their own opinions? People that are not thoroughly informed on any given issue are in no way entitled to an opinion about it. Not everything under the sun is subjective, yet apparently everyone is entitled to their opinion on anything. To fuck they are, and anybody with an ill informed opinion about anything ought to have their teeth knocked in or be thrown in the stockades until it sinks through their thick god damned skulls. These ill informed people cause real damage and are a real obstruction to the progress and freedom of western society.

Posted by Darth Folwart on 2015-12-19 21:58:47

It means you're fucking mentally deficient if you walk into a well known dangerous area and think they shouldn't fuck you up because it is bad. It used to be that women didn't travel alone for this very reason.

The dumb empowered women didn't think about that aspect of equality did they? They can't make evil illegal and expect it to work. So what? They label all men as evil? What? They want all men behind bars because at worst 10% of them might rape them? No. Women, be smart, accept the fact that you are physically weaker than men and mentally fucking deficient in problem solving and critical thinking. Nobody would think less of you for finally accepting reality, quite the opposite.

Fuck man, it's too bad being gay ISN'T a choice. As rough as it has been for some homosexuals, at the end of the day at least you come home to someone that isn't hell bent willfully or not (don't know) on destroying civilization as we know it.

Posted by Darth Folwart on 2015-12-19 21:50:55

As a man I would not walk down some dark alleys in some cities without the very real possibility of being raoed, robbed and or stabbed, shot or beaten. These naive fear mongering women are more part of rape culture than rapists. Fear is not real. It is insane to fear something that may not ever happen to you. The percieved risk is dark greater than the actual risk, especially if one goes above and beyond to take preventative measures. If one tempts fate and makes a willful choice to do something that greatly increases the chances, that doesn't mean we have a rape culture. It means we have evil corrupt people in the world doing things that should land their heads on an end of a pike.

Hear this well ladies. At this point I am still willing to put a bullet in the back of the head of rapists or snap some necks if I happen along the same alley in time to prevent or stop an assault, but if you continue to vilify and demonize the good men willing to protect you against a common threat and enemy, then you will lose the only allies that keep some semblance of balance.

You want to see rape culture? Keep it up. Wait until good men both civilian and law enforcement stop protecting you because you took all of their hod given, constitution given rights away. Most won't rape you, but nothing will stop tjose that want to. Are you still going to dress like skanks and talk shit then? No. You will be begging and pleading for law and order, but it will fall on deaf ears. In a generation or two when the neutral men die off women will be property. Is that what you want?

You always have to push the boundaries to get more, more and more, don't you? Nothing is ever good enough. One day you'll ask and get the last morsel and that one morsel more will ensure your demise, our demise. Yes, our. When shit goes south it won't just be women suffering. It'll be everyone. Sometimes, you daft cows, less os more. This is why men need to lead and women need to follow. It's biology. This is why men need to be allowed to kill other men in the case that some female pandering, irrational or self serving men get into leadership.

3 square meals a day in prison is starting to sound like a fair trade for making some heads start rolling, fuck knows nobody would get the hint and take the country back as a group from these knobs. All for one and one for me. This society is fucked, and I'll be damned if I go down along side 5he average pathetic freedom entitled moron. You aren't fucking free, western culture is insane, and if you aren't willing to fight for freedom you don't deserve it. (And I don't mean join the military to fight some rich old fucks wars, I mean curb stomp the rich old fucks when they start their greedy more, more, more feminine minded bullspiss)

Posted by Darth Folwart on 2015-12-19 21:39:11

Doyle needs to get her facts straight about the Polanski case. He did serve time, you jackass. The judge violated the law by wanting to change the rules AFTER the sentence had been carried out. THAT is why he left the country. If you weren't such a piss-poor excuse for a researcher, you would know that. It is in Samantha Geimer's book, and she ought to know.

The rest of the piece is okay, but I won't stand there and read a bunch of inaccurate bullshit about a long-ago case.

Posted by susannunes on 2015-10-13 16:30:44

It doesn't excuse criminal behavior, but it sure doesn't speak to the Darwin side of dangerous behavior.

So wait. My point is why is she blaming men for abortions? That was the subject at hand wasn't it? You were doing great until you had to stoop to vulgarities. It show a lack of thought process. Also shows you get flustered very easily. Unable to think of logical argument, you resort third grade name calling. You need some time out. You threw in some very impressive words but not enough to balance out your childish rant. BTW my wife might disagree with the hating women part.

Posted by Fairisfair on 2015-09-22 19:39:11

So wait -- something bad somewhere means nobody can ever point out something else bad anywhere else. Fine logic there. I guess anti-Semitism means racism is okay then. If anyone is to blame it's braindead misogynist assholes making false equivalencies in order to defend their own insecurities and hatred of women.

Posted by Albert Cornelius Doyle on 2015-09-22 18:31:54

Alternative Title: Why wont you bitches do what I tell you to? Pitchguest doesn't like people who don't like rape. It hurts his rapist feefees. Poor Pitchguest. Let us hope he never has a wife or daughters. Or becomes a Catholic priest. Cuz becoming an altar boy is just like waving a Rolex at a broke junkie, right, Mr. Rapey McRape?

Posted by Albert Cornelius Doyle on 2015-09-22 18:27:44

I do agree that rape culture within women has got out of hand. But I have a few things to say.1.) There are many domestic abuse cases within men that go unheard and are sometimes ruled within the community as "silly". This later causing men to deal with severe anxiety, because they feel that they are not "man enough" to deal with a situation. Why should a male rape crime be called silly, where as a female rape crime is something that is completely wrong?2.) If a women wears something that is completely revealing than she is at more at risk of be sexual abused. Just as if a man was wearing a shirt of a female portraying her self in an unjust matter, than he is more likely to be "spit on". There will always be offensive clothing or ways to war clothing, but it is that persons chose if he/she wants to wear that clothing. This is similar to morals within our society, although you will not go to jail for not following them, You could be looked down on.

"notoriously violent folks behind GamerGate"You keep using the word "violent", but I don't think you know what it means.

Posted by Guncriminal . on 2015-09-22 03:57:33

Rape culture? Is it like the same culture that gays have every time they hold hands in public, the same culture blacks have walking through a white neighborhood, or white through a black neighborhood, or a Muslim in any neighborhood. What makes yours any more critical or important then anyone else's ? If anyone is to blame it's your sister who exploit their bodies, to make a gain. Tight pants, low cut tops, pants pulled up into their crotches and their butts hanging out. You want to use it for you advantage and then call foul when men get it in their minds that, that's what you want.?

Posted by Fairisfair on 2015-09-21 19:17:22

It doesn't, but walking alone in a bad neighborhood after midnight is sure making things easier for them.

Posted by Mork on 2015-09-21 17:46:40

Never mind.

Posted by Mork on 2015-09-21 17:45:03

It doesn't.

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 15:07:36

Sadly it's a necessary thing, as people will often screencap people like hurin and blame a collective for it, while calling for GamerGate members to be collectively identified, rounded up, and arrested.

But hurin's comment are vitriolic and offensive. They don't belong.

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 15:06:18

I fail to see how engaging in any amount of risky behaviour somehow shifts the blame away from the actual criminals?

Posted by Vanadise on 2015-09-21 14:17:15

The bigger issue I take with the description is they specifically gender GamerGate as "certain men."

The difficulty of describing rape culture coincides with the difficulty of describing GamerGate. In order for Kate Harding and Sady Doyle to patiently attempts to explain the problem, they're also going to have to listen to me patiently attempt to explain why gendering an entire group of people in such a fashion is problematic.

People can certainly disagree with GamerGate, they can call it a "shitty movement" and condemn it for its ideas. What I'm not comfortable with is their erasure of the minority population of the movement and misgendering the transgender population in GamerGate as "certain men."

They shouldn't just change a person's gender identity because they disagree with them about an internet hashtag. People are quite simply people, and deserve respect. They aren't asking to be disrespected because they disagree with you about video games on the internet.

Posted by emhanf on 2015-09-21 13:10:02

You don't need to apologize for hurin, but thank you.

Posted by cloudiah on 2015-09-21 12:56:17

Maybe you shouldn't paint a large group of people with the same brush, seeing as how that is what has been done to us. Also, if you're going to troll, pick a name that isn't clearly a variation of "russled jimmies."

Posted by AtrusHB on 2015-09-21 12:37:12

Maybe you should stick to criticizing people's ideas and actions, rather than their physical appearance. Maybe??

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 12:35:39

I hope you accept my apology on their behalf. I've flagged hurin's comments because they are not productive and only serve to stir the pot.

Posted by AtrusHB on 2015-09-21 12:35:30

That's a pretty uncompromising stance coming from someone who claims they aren't a SJW. Maybe you shouldn't project beliefs onto people whom you haven't even tried listening to.

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 12:33:22

Likewise, violence, blacklisting, rape apologia and pedophelia is what I have come to expect from anti gamers.

Posted by Jimmly Russla on 2015-09-21 12:32:06

Oddly enough, hurin's behaviour is exactly what I have come to expect from Gaters on twitter and reddit and in comment sections everywhere.

Posted by cloudiah on 2015-09-21 12:24:11

No it really isn't. SJW's do not believe in free speech. There can be no dialogue or compromise with such people.

Posted by hurin on 2015-09-21 12:23:36

It's sad that hurin is choosing to act in this manner. I cannot speak for others, but hurin's behavior is not represenative of the majority of Gamergate supporters I have interacted with.

Posted by AtrusHB on 2015-09-21 12:06:10

Being civil is always an option, especially when it comes to people who's only crime is having a different opinion than you. I assure you, your conduct will matter more in changing minds than any list of facts or citations you can present.

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 12:04:27

Being civil to SJW's is not an option. They are the enemy, and they must be treated as such.

The bad news is they are so fat they can't hide from rapists, the other bad news (for them) is they don't have to.

Posted by hurin on 2015-09-21 11:53:11

I find it comical that fat, ugly, tattooed blue haired feminist think they could possibly become victims of rape, or any other kind of sexual contact. Perhaps feminist need to believe rape culture is real, since it is their only hope of getting laid.

Posted by hurin on 2015-09-21 11:49:57

Law enforcement has only been involved with GamerGate on three occasions. Twice because of bomb threats made against GG supporters, and once to inform that Brianna Wu has never filed a police report despite the hundreds of death and rape threats he supposedly receives on a daily basis.

Posted by hurin on 2015-09-21 11:47:03

Why is GamerGate being described as "notoriously violent"? There hasn't been a single case, anywhere, of anyone from GamerGate committing a single act of violence.

No, mean tweets are not acts of violence.

Posted by Smazeli on 2015-09-21 11:39:57

Alternative title: Why walking down a narrow alley with hundred dollar bills glued to your forehead at 2 AM is not asking for it.

Why not locking your car in a neighbourhood with a high crime rate, especially car theft, is not asking for it.

Why leaving your wallet in plain sight in a crowded area, like an airport, is not asking for it.