After Visiting Friends: A Son's Story

Summary

Michael Hainey had just turned six when his uncle knocked on his family's back door one morning with the tragic news: Bob Hainey, Michael's father, was found alone near his car on Chicago's North Side, dead, of an apparent heart attack. Thirty-five years old, a young assistant copy desk chief at the Chicago Sun-Times, Bob was a bright and shining star in the competitive, hard-living world of newspapers, one that involved booze-soaked nights that bled into dawn. And then suddenly he was gone, leaving behind a young widow, two sons, a fractured family-and questions surrounding the mysterious nature of his death that would obsess Michael throughout adolescence and long into adulthood.

Finally, roughly his father's age when he died, and a seasoned reporter himself, Michael set out to learn what happened that night. Died "after visiting friends," the obituaries said. But the details beyond that were inconsistent. What friends? Where? At the heart of his quest is Michael's all-too-silent, opaque mother, a woman of great courage and tenacity-and a steely determination not to look back. Prodding and cajoling his relatives, and working through a network of his father's buddies who abide by an honor code of silence and secrecy, Michael sees beyond the long-held myths and ultimately reconciles the father he'd imagined with the one he comes to know-and in the journey discovers new truths about his mother.

A stirring portrait of a family and its legacy of secrets, After Visiting Friends is the story of a son who goes in search of the truth and finds not only his father, but a rare window into a world of men and newspapers and fierce loyalties that no longer exists.

Reviews

Michael Hainey's father died young and, according to the obits, alone on a street at night. Hainey follows in his father's footsteps by becoming a newspaperman. As a reporter, Hainey is determined to learn the full story of his father's death. Excellent reporting requires excellent investigation skills. After Visiting Friends proves Hainey's ability to objectively report the facts while still telling a personal story. It's a very heart-warming story told through conversations and memory. Hainey invites the reader to follow him across the country and into the homes of family, friends, and many new acquaintances. As he searches for the truth about his father, he becomes much closer to his mother - the one person who may not be able to accept that truth.

The best indicator of how much I liked this book is the fact that I finished it about 48 hours after receiving it from the publisher (thanks to Early Reviewers!). I read it at work, standing up in the kitchen while making dinner, and in the carpool line to pick up the kids at school. Seriously. It's that much of a page turner. Michael Hainey has a talent for storytelling and has perfected the slow reveal. He draws nuanced portraits of his family and of the newspaper "game" in 1960s Chicago, which is difficult to separate from family, in his case -- both his uncle and his father were newspapermen. I'm not spoiling the memoir by telling you that Hainey's father died under what he grows to believe were suspicious circumstances, in 1971 -- it's the central theme of the story. Hainey does a masterful job of conveying the impact this early loss had on his life, without "whining" -- which seems to be difficult to manage in many memoirs. Just a terrific read!

Compelling and touching story of the author's search for his father within the sterile confines of his family. After his father's death, it was as though he never existed and Hainey became curious as he got older and things didn't add up. This is very well written and leads the reader through the practical and emotional aspects of this difficult journey. It was quite sad to read of the lives of people who had so much promise but suffered as the result of his father's early death.

Very touching and sad at the same time, I lost my father with I was three years old so I could really relate to this mans feelings. Mine was not lost in such a mysterious way but it still difficult to lose a parent when you are too young to really remember anything about them.

A son who remembers -is haunted by- his father's sudden death, and his journey to discover all the facts of that day. Written in precise, but clipped prose, wonderful atmospheric moments, especially invoking the late '60s and the '70s" the songs on the radio, the neighborhoods of Chicago, the politics of the time, the big news stories. It helps that the son followed in his father's footsteps: his dad was one of the copy editors for the Chicago Sun Times, and Michael is a magazine editor. It's important to get the "real" story, and although afraid what he will find, how it will affect others, he is compelled to keep trying. Somehow, in spite of learning (what he'd always suspected) his father was not "with friends" and then died on the street(i.e. the title) Hainey explores the complexity of his father's life with compassion. Likewise, he conveys his deep love for his mother, his grandmother, his brother, and his cousin - all those close to him in his early years. While wandering in it's plot, moving between Hainey's past and present, and that of his parents' past and present, I was compelled to keep reading, to find out alongside Michael what really happened on the day he learned his dad had died, and who his parents were. A good choice also for those who are experiencing the aging -death of someone they love; the portions of the book focused on his grandmother and Michael are humorous, tender and enlightening. Definitely recommended!

This is a damn good book - depressing and sad to journey thru but beautifully crafted, researched and presented. We all create narratives on who we think our parents are - and ignore the obvious flaws and demons which surely they face and have.

The book is also a revealing portrait of a world of journalism, of a Mad Men styled old boys network who took care of each other and made sure the right stories get told about individuals, even though they are not wholly true.

Read this in one sitting, just do it in a sunny place with a fat warm kitten sitting in your lap to cheer you up.

Michael Hainey is an editor with GQ magazine and the son of the copy editor of the Chicago Sun Times. His father died when he was 6 and he always wondered exactly how his father died since no one in his family would ever talk about it. His father's obituaries said that he died "after visiting friends," but who were these friends and why had no one ever seen them? Thus begins his search: interviewing old co-workers of his fathers, digging up old records from the Cook County morgue and reconnecting to long-lost relatives. He curses the secrecy of friends and family, yet, paradoxically, keeps his search secret from his own close relatives. As he starts to reveal the truth, he reveals a flawed, but essentially decent, man who he is proud to call his father.Hainey's book not only reveals the truth about family relationships, but also invokes the lost and freewheeling world of journalism in Chicago. Insightful and moving to the end.

This book was not quite what I expected after skimming a couple of reviews; I think it was even better. Michael Hainey's father, a Chicago newspaperman, died in 1970 when the younger Hainey was six years old and his brother two years older. Little was said about him after that, or about the manner of his death -- just that he had had a heart attack at 35. As Michael grew up and became a journalist himself, various parts of the story did not add up. When he reached the age at which his father had died, he began to investigate in earnest, After many difficulties, he learned the truth -- or rather, many truths.After Visiting Friends kept me fascinated from beginning to end. It's not only the story of a great family history investigation, but a meditation on fathers and sons, and the larger topic of family. With side trips to Nebraska and California, it's also a great Chicago story. Very highly recommended.

A nice book for father's day. A story about a man's quest to learn more about his father... a father who died at a young age when the author was just a boy. The book is funny, poignant, and made me cry a few times -- thinking about my own father, my own family. A few too many side trips slow down the quest, but overall, a nice read.

A poignant story about a sons difficult and frustrating search for the truth of the death of his father. He was just a child when his dad died. None of his fathers friends or co-workers would tell him the truth about the night his father died. His uncle and police spun a story so as to save the family the truth. The story didn't make sense and no one questioned it. But the obits in the various newspapers didn't all tell the same story which was suspicious to the son. So he started investigating.

Michael Hainey was barely six years old when his 35-year-old father was found dead on a deserted Chicago street. Consequently, most of what Hainey knows about his father came to him second-hand via stories and "facts" delivered by his mother, older brother, and other relatives and friends of his father.Bob Hainey, Michael's father, truly was the stereotypical Hollywood version of a big city newspaperman. Hard drinking, chain smoking, regularly working to the early hours of the morning, he was as likely as not to end his work day at a private party hosted by a co-worker or some obscure friend-of-a-friend. Michael's mother, if she was unhappy about her marriage, hid it from her two sons. And, when her husband was suddenly snatched from her, it was up to her, and only her, to hold the family together. But Barbara Hainey would not talk about what happened on the night her husband died.The Hainey men are drawn to, and have a distinct talent for, the world of newspaper journalism. Michael's Uncle Dick was the first in the family to make his mark at a Chicago newspaper and he was instrumental in giving Bob his start in the business. Now, years later, Michael has followed his father and uncle into the family business. And he wants to know exactly how is father died - and why - something no one is very anxious to help him figure out.So Michael Hainey does what an investigative reporter does best: he investigates the "mystery" surrounding Bob Hainey's sudden death at the age of 35. What was his father doing in a strange neighborhood, not one he had any reason to be in at that time of the night; who found him; what exactly did he die of; and, most curious of all, who are the "friends" he was reportedly visiting that night and why had none of them ever stepped forward to explain how his father ended up on the street all alone?It would not be easy, but Michael Hainey is a persistent man and he was determined to find the answers about his father and what happened on that fateful night. What he hoped to learn had the potential to destroy his idealized image of the father he barely remembered. Michael knew that. But he had to know the truth. Then he had to decide whether he should share that truth with his mother and brother.After Visiting Friends is an intriguing memoir about the real truth pertaining to those closest to us - and whether we might be better, or worse, for knowing that truth. Considering Bob Hainey's lifestyle, what Michael learned about his father is not really all that surprising. The big surprise is how those around him react to both his search for the truth and what he finally learns about his father.

I feel like I missed something in this book. I never really got why the author felt compelled to track down the story of his father's death. His mother was not inclined to talk about it and most of those in the know about the specifics were dead by the time Michael Hainey began his search for information. It was a poignant story, but just didn't resonate with me at all.

I really connected with this book. I live in the Chicagoland area and know of some of the places that Michael Hainey talks about in this book. My mother would tell me stories about her childhood growing up on the South side of Chicago in the 60's and 70's and some of the stories that Hainey writes about his childhood are similar to my mother's (the smell of the meat-packing plants, playing kick-the-can, the riots during the Democratic Convention). I am almost certain that in this book Hainey mentions my great-grandfather on my father's side (well he doesn't mention him by name but I figured it out). I believe that when he mentions the man that they called "The Greek" that his mother and father used to buy "greasy sandwiches" from that it was my great-grandfather. From what I know of his life he ran a little shack in that exact area in those years that Hainey's father and mother worked for The Tribune.I was captivated by Hainey's quest to find out what really happened the night his father died. It was heartbreaking to see how it ended up affecting him throughout his life but I liked getting to see the peace it brought him to learn the truth. I would highly recommend this book to others, especially to book clubs.

The idea behind After Visiting Friends is compelling: Hainey, the son of a newspaper man and a journalist himself, launches an investigation into the circumstances of his father's death after noticing inconsistencies in the story.

He talks to surviving relatives, friends of the family, and his father's coworkers, and takes a few trips to flesh out the story. While describing the steps he took to find out more about his father's death, he also recounts personal memories and family history.

The secrets he uncovers throughout his journey to find the truth are not spy novel material, and the investigation is a low-key, meandering affair, but the story overall is an interesting window into the sixties- and seventies-era newspaper world, and it's a good read.

Hainey does have a style that takes a little while to get used to -- short bursts of words, fragments, brief sentences tapped out between longer sentences -- so After Visiting Friends was a slow starter for me. A few chapters in, I warmed up to it, and once that happened, I couldn't put the book down.

Thirty-five year old Robert Hainey died of an aneurysm on a street in Chicago in 1970, leaving a wife and two sons, eight and six. Michael Hainey was the six year old, and as he grew older, he became more and more curious about the circumstances surrounding his father's death. Michael is a journalist, just as his father was, and he begins an investigation into what really happened that night. Using journalistic techniques, and struggling to break down the walls built up by his father's friends on the Sun-Times, he finds his answers, and learns a little more about his family in the bargain.This was a great story, and curiosity kept me reading. But I deducted a full star, because there were too many partial sentences, and I find that extremely distracting in a book. I would recommend it for the story, but be forewarned if that sort of thing bothers you.

I enjoyed this book about a son's journey to learn about his father's death. It was encouraging to see how open his father's friends and family were to sharing stories about his father, even those who were not willing to talk about his death. Since Hainey was so young when his father passed away it is brave how he goes about learning about the person he never really knew. This is a good book about the complicated relationships within a family.

Very very good memoir by Michael Hainey. His father died when he was 5 years old - After Visiting Friends - but something never quite added up for him. His father was a very local well known newspaperman who died under odd circumstances. Michael - now also a journalist - decides to find out what really happened. First clue are the 3 different obituaries. Alot of the people who would "know" what happened (family members, coworkers) are either not talking or have also passed away. In addition, he doesn't know whether to reveal what he's doing or what he finds out to his mother.Very well written, thought out and I hope that he has found peace with his discoveries.

There are several layers to journalist Michael Hainey’s memoir, After Visiting Friends. The main plot is an exercise in investigative journalism: Hainey’s father died suddenly and mysteriously “after visiting friends” in the early hours of an April morning in 1972. His son Michael was only six years old at the time. What really happened, and why is it that Hainey’s father’s surviving friends—all hard-boiled newspapermen-- refuse to share what they know about the incident with his son, even after so many years? But there is more to this memoir than just the unraveling of its central mystery. Hainey recalls with sensitivity and compassion his mother’s struggles as a widow with two young boys, the death of his aged grandmother, and even the lonely demise of a stranger who figures into the story. Hainey is likewise honest about his own fears of marriage and issues of religious faith and doubt.Unlike many readers, who commented that they "couldn't put the book down," I found After Visiting Friends a little slow in spots, especially at the beginning. But my perseverance was rewarded with a moving tale of a son's reconnection with the father he lost long ago.I received a free copy of After Visiting Friends from LibraryThing Early Reviewers in exchange for an honest review.

Like any good reporter, Michael Hainey (who actually works for GQ) wants the truth, especially when the truth as he knows it is full of strange inconsistencies; even more so when the truth involves the details surrounding the tragic death of his own father,Michael was only six years old when his father, respected newspaper man Bob Hainey, died of an apparent heart attack "after visiting friends." What friends, Michael has always wondered. Even more curious - friends and family are tight lipped about that night and the details in different newspapers don't add up. Pretty ironic for a newspaper man's obituary. Was it really a heart attack when another reputable paper called it a cerebral hemorrhage?Growing up, no wanted to talk to Michael about that night, no matter how many times he asked. As an adult Michael decided to write a book about his father and in doing so provided people with the opening to start talking. Little by little Michael finally uncovers the truth. What he discovers is not earth shattering for the rest of the world. These things happen all the time. But, back then there was a different kind of fierce loyalty between friends, family, and even newspaper men.Throughout Michael's investigation he is forced to consider and examine his relationships with family. His grandmother, with whom he has always felt a special bond; his brother, now a family man himself; his mother who has always kept a stiff upper lip and refused to show weakness; and lastly, his father, the hero he wanted to be like who turned out to be human after all.It is fair to say that I couldn't put this down. How terrible is it to have a haunting that lasts your entire childhood? What is worse is the truth; forcing yourself to not only be responsible for uncovering it but accepting it as well.

I very much enjoyed this book, part memoir and part thriller. It is the story of a man trying to figure out the riddle of his father's death, while discovering who his father was, and putting his own life, mortality, mother and family into context. His mother is great. There is some things she says that produce some genuine laugh out loud moments. Chicago is a supporting character which is always a plus. Definitely worth the read.

AFTER VISITING FRIENDSMichael Hainey’s appreciation of a good story becomes apparent from the very first chapter - and I was hooked. He set the foundation of trust and spirit of understanding on which his search for the truth of his father’s death would be built. He searched and questioned with a deep if not completely clear understanding of the human mind and heart. Relationships have often been likened to quilts and tapestries. Considering the generations and cultures in the makeup of Michael’s family, I will glom onto the quilt concept; the quilt that rashly combines silks and denims; fragile, thin cottons and aged sateens that occasionally catch the light and reveal an original radiance. Stitches of aging thread that provide varying degrees of tension between the equally aging pieces.Michael makes the reader privvy to the grandson/grandmother/mother relationships; the shared stories and observations of family quirks; factual comments casually dropped by the grandmother; the wariness tempered by respectful tenderness in the mother/son relationship. How does one sift out the facts and truth in a history that that has been somewhat distorted by people protecting their own? Does the truth even hold the same power after being buried for decades? When we find the truth, we may have simply uncovered new truths...with the real truth revealed in the tensions we were afraid to face. Michael’s father had his demons. He was a man with a passion for his job, and an inner torment he could face only in living a facade. In the end, perhaps the real hero is the person who knew of the demons and kept them at bay from the children.I couldn’t put this book down until I was done...and even then it haunted me.sh 2/2013

Michael Hainey's father died young and, according to the obits, alone on a street at night. Hainey follows in his father's footsteps by becoming a newspaperman. As a reporter, Hainey is determined to learn the full story of his father's death. Excellent reporting requires excellent investigation skills. After Visiting Friends proves Hainey's ability to objectively report the facts while still telling a personal story. It's a very heart-warming story told through conversations and memory. Hainey invites the reader to follow him across the country and into the homes of family, friends, and many new acquaintances. As he searches for the truth about his father, he becomes much closer to his mother - the one person who may not be able to accept that truth.

This was one of those family memoirs that I thought I would either really like or find tedious, revolving as it did around a secret that the author is trying discover within his family history. Happily, this was a book I truly enjoyed; I essentially read it in one sitting, never quite being able to put it down. Michael Hainey details in this book his research into the true circumstances of his father's death, when Michael himself was only 6, one evening "after visiting friends." The investigation leads him to talk to newspaper coworkers of his father's as well as others who knew the man, and to the discovery of a tightly bound newspaper-work culture determined to protect its own. The discoveries Hainey makes are as much about his mother as about his father, and while not all conclusions are as neat and satisfying as in fiction, the journey does come to an effective end. It's a book I'm glad to have been inspired to read.

Beautifully written and a page-turner all at the same time. The language was so direct and thoughtful I felt as if Hainey and I were having an intimate conversation. My only complaint, and this is a little ridiculous given that it's a memoir, is that after all the suspenseful build-up what actually happened to his father felt like a letdown.But all in all I loved this book.

When you consider just how many people there are in this world, growing up with one parent missing for any number of reasons, Michael Hainey's memoir is heartbreaking but fascinating to see how much of his life was spent being absorbed and really overwhelmed with all of the questions he had about his father's death. The memoir is almost page-turning as he moves through the mystery of the loss of his father---the who, what, where, when and why of an investigative reporter's approach to a question. Beautifully written, painful and honest.

"After Visiting Friends" is many things: a mystery, a memoir, a love story about family, a tribute.Above all, it is brilliant writing.Often when I read memoirs I'm wondering, "Why was this material for a book?"But with "After Visiting Friends," all I could think was, "I don't want this to end."Hainey manages to be both a subjective observer and compassionate participant in the story of his family. I love that he's never maudlin or sentimental, and there's never a moment of self-pity here, but you can always feel the tremors of loss - for the father's life because it was so short, for the questions he left unanswered, for the presence he would never have in the lives of his family. It's as though one is looking for some place and is asked to create his own map, with only the beginning point - and a blurry one at that - clearly marked.Hainey's writing is so engaging I always felt as though I were right beside him as he went in search of answers. I especially loved his descriptions of his grandmother.I was caught off guard by the tenderness in the end, when he speaks with his mother.Absolutely beautiful.

When Bob Hainey died in his 30s, his son Michael was just six years old. Growing up, Michael had lots of questions about his father’s death, but the subject of Bob’s death was a taboo topic. Now a magazine editor at GQ– his father was a newspaper copy editor – the son channels his curiosity into finding the truth about his father’s death. After Visiting Friends is the second book I’ve read recently that dealt with a son seeking his father’s story. In Bringing Mulligan Home, author Dale Maharidge sought out the story of his father’s service in the Pacific during World War II – and the demons that haunted him all his life. That book focused on the investigation and the World War II vets who helped the author along the way. After Visiting Friends is much different. It is, true to its subtitle, “a son’s story,” a memoir of the author’s life as it relates to his family of birth, and his search for the truth about his father’s death as a way of exorcising his own demons. The writing is very “stream of consciousness.” Short sentences. Fragments. Abrupt transitions. That’s a great choice for a memoir and a type of writing I enjoy reading. In this book, however, the only thing missing was (ironically) a copy editor. Readers who demand lean writing may find the going tough. Although the results of the investigation were a tad predictable, and the denouement fell flat (that, of course, isn't the author's fault), I found the After Visiting Friends engaging and would recommend it. I found the insights about newspapering in the Haineys' day insightful. Review based on Early Reviewer copy provided by the publisher.