The Mavericks forward was involved in an early morning throwdown at a Dallas Denny's today. Nothing good happens at Denny's at 3 a.m. Nothing good happens at Denny's.

Out celebrating a 1-point win over Phoenix (athletes' social lives are generally more boring than we've been led to assume), Thomas and a group of friends entered the Denny's in Highland Park. We'll let the gripping police report take over here. (Thomas is "the accomplice," which would make a great basketball nickname.)

A local radio reporter has the brawl land literally on his table — in his All-American Slam — and says that only Thomas's companions were involved in the brawl, and that Thomas didn't utter the immortal "f——- b—— a— n——" line. Mavs GM Donnie Nelson and owner Mark Cuban also say Thomas wasn't a part of the fight. I must remind you that all three men have vested interests in Thomas's continued freedom.

But my favorite detail of this story is the woman who was struck by a chair in the melee. She was there with her family —at Denny's, at 3 in the morning — celebrating her 65th birthday. Ladies and gentlemen, Dallas!