Category: Personal

Okay, so this has probably been done, like a million times. But there’s no harm in writing something like it again, right?

Anyway, we’ve all at some point dated people who it just did not work out with, some of us have dated people who seemed like they were the one, until something tweaked and they were the complete opposite of who they showed you in the beginning.
So I cannot speak for everyone but I have had two pretty awkward experiences in my life. I usually don’t even get myself in relationships or date or whatever because I honestly do not have the time to even breathe. You’re probably thinking, why should I listen to someone who has only dated twice in her life? You’re right, I may not have loads of experience but I have experienced enough to know I deserve better. I have also heard countless situations that my friends have been in and that’s also enough.
But here are some signs that show you that the person you are dating is not good for you at all. I also apologize in advance because I might go on a tangent/rant about certain people who shall not be named, just to prove my point. Well, here goes nothing:

1. You caught them in lie. Okay, so we all lie at some point in our lives, but when the person you are dating is telling people different stories about things. It’s generally a bad sign. This is bad for you because you will never know when your significant other is telling the truth or just down-right lying to you. For example, someone I used to be with would constantly tell me that he did not want to go clubbing anymore, (I have never been a club girl, It’s never my thing, so him saying that was awesome) he said that he was outgrowing that phase BUUUUUUT to his friends he was telling people I wouldn’t let him. This is a sign for a whole bunch of other things–like he makes you sound like a manipulative, crazy person when really you had no idea what was going on. Also, he OR she is just saying what you want to hear and that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship at all.

2. No freedom to be who you are: Okay, so I am guilty of doing this. I think most girls are. We think we can change guys into being gentleman-like, clean and nice to us all the time. Well, no. Unfortunately, You can’t change someone. Another part of this is making the decisions for your significant other. I get it, you’re in a relationship and you want to have a say in what the other person does BUT there are limits. Both of the guys, I have dated wanted me to do what was best for them and not me. I dated someone who would get jealous of me volunteering (which is a big part of who I am) because there would be guys there. Crazy right? You also can’t interfere with someone’s life dream even if it changes. For example, if you’re significant other wants to travel or study abroad, trust them and support them. Don’t say crazy things like I can’t handle you being gone or I won’t wait for you. That just makes you a jerk. Don’t be a jerk!
Don’t constrict someone. Don’t let anyone pressure you into anything.

3.Abuse. It comes in many forms. Physical, psychological, verbal, etc. Couples argue, that is inevitable. The real problem is when one person takes on the blame, you don’t talk about it, you are being guilt-tripped into things. Get out of that relationship. Someone who says they love you will never hurt you in this way. Tons of people are victims to this everyday and I’m telling you, there are people who can help. Sometimes some of us deal through it on our own because of the shame but it can get pretty unhealthy. Its okay to talk. Your friends would never want you to be in a relationship where you are not respected.

4.Misery. Relationships are never perfect but do not be in one, when it no longer makes you happy. If you feel angry, flustered or even anxiety. This relationship is not working out. The person you’re with is supposed to share happiness with you. If you’re always giving or always taking then you’re both just done with each other. If you’re sick of the person you are dating, don’t stick around for it to get worse.

These are pretty obvious. Of course, there are many other factors that point out whether you are in an unhealthy relationship. When you literally feel sick to your stomach, want to scream, cry, it means you’re done. Don’t stay in a relationship where you are hurting someone or you’re being hurt. Don’t settle. Don’t lower your standards. Someone is out there for you. Just be patient. Be happy with yourself. Its the best relationship you can have.

Remember when you were five years old and you could be anything you wanted to be?
Well, you still can. I think as we get older, people, life experiences and our own mind decides that we have to set these limits and stresses about who we are and who we have to be. I think we have all had this problem, where we set these limits and then do not see ourselves getting out of it.
Some of us had to grow up a little faster and even though we enjoyed our childhood, there was always some form of worry. Is there going to be food tomorrow on the table? Is my ill parent going to survive? What would happen if my parents got a divorce? Are we going to have enough to pay the bills?
These are things children should not worry about but they do, then they grow up with those worries implanted in them.
So here are some tips as to how being an adult should still be fun!
(of course, there are some limits on what you can do without being too creepy!)

1. Laugh.
I know that sounds way too simple. I think that laughing is something adults forget to do because they’re constantly worrying about the future, bills, mortgages, debts, job hunting, you name it. I sometimes forget to do it. I find myself rubbing my shoulders because the weight of the world is just too much. So my advice is laugh. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, make time to see a comedy show, watch a funny movie. Have you heard a little kid laugh? it’s amazing right? Well, you can laugh like that too!

2. Dance around the house.
Find your favourite tune and just dance. Remember when you would dance with your mom or dad randomly? Well, there is no shame in doing that as an adult. Not only will it provide some cardio, it will relieve some stress you had from work or school. Trust me, I have danced to shake it off, like 100 times since the song came out. I always feel so good and refreshed before going back to writing a paper or dealing with stress from my personal life. Let the energy flow from within. Just let it go and have fun. Crank those Backstreet Boy moves and enjoy.

3. Be creative.
The one thing we tend to forget as we get older is how to be fun and creative (Well, not all adults forget!). If you work in a creative environment, this still applies to you. Do some arts and crafts, paint, write a poem, etc. Get that creativity flowing, not only will there stress be gone but your brain will get much needed exercise. Remember that guitar, you got as a gift, pick it up and play. Sing a song. Do it. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

4. Watch your favourite childhood movie.
Grab your favourite snacks, put on some pyjamas, wear your slippers, grab your favourite stuffed animal (I know you all secretly have one) and sit and watch your favourite movie. Make time to enjoy yourself. Sometimes all you need is a good flashback to the good old days where everything seemed easy and simple to remind you that its okay and that you still can make it easy and simple.

5. Build a Fort.
So you’re tired of working in the same space, you have writers block or just cannot seem to get any work done at your desk. Build a fort. Grab all your pillows and blankets. Just do it. Grab your work, grab a snack and do your work in the fort. No, it is not childish and no one will judge you.

So these are a few tips that I think are not too creepy and still allow you to just have fun. Make time to have fun. It doesn’t have to be doing childish things but you do not have to be serious all the time. Smile. Crack a joke with co-workers. Be silly with your group of friends. Let loose. You do not have to be primp and proper all the time. Wear funny coloured socks or cartoon underwear, wear a cape (well, you don’t have to but you can!), even the smallest thing makes you feel better. In a world where everything is about structure and organization, it seems impossible to have fun and we forget about taking care our inner child. We all have one. Our inner child is our fun side. It’s the side that is carefree, worry free side. So go out and have fun.

Do not worry about your grades and career that much. Do what makes you happy. I still have to learn to do this but it so nice to share what I try to do to help myself.

Sometimes hanging around your house and seeing everyone else live their life isn’t either.

For many years, I was the girl who just focused on school and not having fun.

I would put off having fun because I told myself I would have fun once I was done learning. The problem with that is–well, you are only learning one thing and there are other important things in life that require you to go outside and learn. I’ve been known for just being book smart, and no, I am not giving myself praises. I just study really hard. The point is I hadn’t learned much of the outside world or more about myself until I started living in it. It’s not like I go out all the time because as a full-time student, it is hard to go out and have fun, all the time. There are some people who are great at doing both, I am not. I can hideaway in my house or the library for days, you’d have to send out a search party for me. I get into the zone and it can get to the point where I neglect communicating with others or even taking care of myself. I learned taking a break, going out even for half a day can really help you from either having a breakdown or just not learning for your class.

Anyways, let me tell you a bit about me. I’m an anti-social extrovert. It’s a thing! I moved around a lot as a kid so getting attached or comfortable around people wasn’t something I was very good at. As I got older, we were stable in our situations but I would go overboard in the attachment department. I’m 23 now and I don’t get attached easily but I’m comfortable with my small group of friends. I didn’t learn proper social skills until after my life had settled down and by that point I was too focused on school to even make family and friends a priority. It was horrible and selfish. I’ve learned to manage it a little better. Spending so much time away from friends, brought some closer to me, even if they do live in Florida or Australia. I knew those who made the time for me where those I had to make time for. They were the ones being supportive and understanding. Those are the people I still keep around.

Relationships, I used to cringe at the word. I told myself, I would never date, but they are adventures as well. I’ve dated twice in my life and well, although they did not have amazing results as I had hoped. I learned to live my life. I didn’t start living my current life until after a really bad break up. It took that relationship to snap me out of my funk. I did not want to live a limited life, to pass up amazing opportunities because of this weird fear of getting hurt or because someone was telling me how to live MY life. The most important thing it taught me was in order to love someone, you must love yourself first. Don’t be in a relationship because you feel alone or because you like the title. Be in one because you feel complete enough to share that with someone else. Love is an adventure and you have to share it with someone who may not be on the same page but is reading the same book (I hope this makes sense). No one is perfect but one day, this adventure will begin for all of us.

The future used to give me anxiety, I still get anxiety and feel overworked all the time but I have learned to take the time to enjoy life. The future is an unknown adventure. It is okay to plan for it but it is important that things change along the way and what we wanted for ourselves may change. For example, I wanted to be a fashion designer for the longest time, It is now just a hobby. I am now hoping to be a lawyer but my path could change. I love what I am majoring in (Criminology) and I know I will be happy with whatever I do in this field. Each day is an adventure and your passion may one day be something you might not want to do or something you never expected will be what you will always do.

In the past year, I have learned to balance my academic goals with my personal goals which can sometimes meet in the middle. My mental state is clearer (with a few mini meltdowns, here and there), my confidence is actually booming, the relationship with my family and friends is better. I just feel great.

So what I’m saying is if you feel like you don’t have time for anything, just remember this (& yes, it is a bible quote and it might offend some of you, I apologize but this is something that I have learned to grasp), there is time for you to do anything and especially to go for random adventures. Random adventures help you find out more about yourself, how you handle yourself, what makes you tick and what makes you smile. Adventures can range from reading a book, going for a walk with your dog, going to a fashion show with your friend, going to concerts with your best friend, making something new in the kitchen, or even learning a new instrument.

Just remember take time and go on a small adventure.

Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens