‘A child is born self-connected and has an organismic sense of wholeness with relation to each of its powers, drives, and needs. Once a power, drive, or need is shamed, it becomes disconnected. As the shaming continues and intensifies, the process of self-splitting and alienation takes place. We feel less and less at home with ourselves.

It is clear to me that abusive behaviour is unnatural. It is not the spontaneous fruit of our human nature. The abusing person either has learned to confuse abuse with love or is getting even with his or her own abuser. Abusers are themselves mystified. They are mentally fixed without a vision of alternatives. This narrowness of abuse represents a loss of awareness about oneself and one’s choices. The abuser has lost freedom. And the abuse inflicted will greatly diminish the abused’s freedom. Freedom comes from within. It flows from the core of our personal power. Once our body, drives, needs, and powers are shamed, we have lost all contact with our inner resources. Our freedom of choice is thereby decommissioned.’