olilolo.com: Destroying lives

Chris McDonnell, a 31 year old North London man, has blamed his failed gastric-band surgery on the little known website olilolo.com.

Originally weighing 200kg, the heavily obese Mr McDonnell was given the tax-payer funded surgery to reduce his excessive eating and hopefully save his life, before it was too late.

One huge peice of meat.

Eating 15,000 calories a day, or six times the recommended limit, eating was part of his life.

“I did it without thinking. Huge portions four, five times a day, with several courses. Kebabs, pizzas, and burgers were my favourites. People told me to diet and I tried – but I just loved food too much. It was the most important thing in my life.”

Finally after an uncomfortable plane ride which nearly resulted in him being unable to fit in his seat, Chris knew something had to be done. The embarrassment and worry has become too much.

“Kids would point at me in the street and comment to their parents about how big I was.”

A trip to the doctor and McDonnell was booked in for gastric-band surgery – all paid for by the British NHS.

At first it was a success and over two years he lost more than half his body weight, dropping to a healthy 95kg. This was followed by surgery to remove the loose flaps of skin was performed and again the NHS footed the bill.

By this stage £30,000 had been laid out for Chris McDonnell’s health, but it was worth it for the new body he had and the reduced strain he would be on public hospitals and transport in the future.

Life was on the up for Chris until one fateful day he stumbled across a small disused laneway of the internet, and onto olilolo.com – a website which ‘boasts’ about 50 hits per day.

It only took a few clicks before he was drawn to olilolo’s dabblings with food, especially pies of the blended variety. There was instant interest. The seed was planted.

“I’d lived for that stuff before and I was missing it terribly. One night I was really craving a kebab and I just wondered…”

Before he knew it Chris was blending all his favourite junk food so it could slide past the gastric band with no discomfort.

“The thought went through my head as I blended a kebab one time that this is the food addict’s equivalent of an alcoholic drinking meths. People don’t take it seriously – but it’s serious.”

“…it’s serious.”

A 12 month blended gorge-fest has Chris now breaking the scales at 140kg.

Without the introduction to the abhorrent world of blended slurries, Chris would still have his life on track.

“I feel bad but more for myself than for tax payers who funded the surgery. I’m trying, but now I know how to cheat the band, I’m always fearing for my future.”

A final decision on whether Chris, or the NHS who funded his, ultimately failed, surgeries will pursue olilolo.com for damages.

“I don’t think you can point the finger at us,” says the author of the article David Ryan. “I didn’t not put subliminal messages in the articles, pro-blended monstrosities.”

When it was pointed out that what he’d said was a double negative and that it seemed all olilolo employees were crammed in their office kitchen, cheering as things, despicable things, were thrown into an industrial sized blender, before feasting on the gooing result; our interview was quickly over.

More information on this unfortunate situation, and the source of the pictures, can be found here – you may note that all Mr McDonnell’s quotes are correct… if taken a little out of context at times. He really does blend kebabs.