2013 Fantasy Baseball

A forearm injury to Todd Helton has reshuffled the Rockies lineup and has opened the door to more playing time for Eric Young Jr. Our friend EY2 could be the poster boy for SAGNOF and fantasy owners have the opportunity to cash in on his increase in playing time, even if it is only temporary. Grey told you to BUY him in this past week’s Buy/Sell. Let’s take a closer look at the Rockies outfielder and how his speed can help your squad for at least the next week or two.

There are certain things in this world that should be considered criminal. Bringing 11 items to a 10 item express lane is one of them. Breaking out your checkbook at said express lane would be another. Not having your gosh darned info filled out BEFORE they’re done ringing up your stuff would be another. Seriously, do you need to know the total before you sign it and put the date on it? Did you really need to know it was $23.42 before you marked ‘groceries’ as the ‘for’ section? And why you using checks, dude! It’s 2013! I don’t care if you have bad credit, it’s called a debit card or pulling out cash! But I’ll spend more if I have a card or cash. You do already now, jack-hole, you just do it slower and tick off everyone around you! Wow, that escalated quickly. Where was I? Oh yeah, things that should be considered criminal. Outside of unxpressing an express lane, a big no no in my book is letting a guy who hits third in the lineup of a team that currently leads the league in runs languish out in the FA pool. I’m here to talk with you about the lisper’s nightmare, Seth Smith, and how he can help you during week 5 of the 2013 fantasy baseball season…

I really don’t want to spend much time on Endy Chavez. Which means basically two things. 1) I don’t think to much of the guy. 2) The Mariners outfield situation is bad. Really bad. Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if they still had a fourth outfielder that could play center and have some pop? Granted, they could have claimed Casper Wells, after the either previous DFA’s this past week, but pride goeth before a fall, or so they say. Well, now that I’m thinking about it, if I’m going to talk about Shelley Duncan and Don Kelly in previous iterations of this series, might as well make Chavez feel right at home. Hitting 269/308/367 for his career, that’s basically who he is. But he’s getting at-bats, so he’s filler if you need it. And if you need filler like that, bless your heart.

Greetings playas and playettes. Yes, I’m proud to announce I have the most female readers in the sports industry other than John Clayton. You wouldn’t know by looking upon him, but “Clay-bay-bay’s” Cod piece makes Dirk Diggler’s look like a popcorn shrimp in comparison. What a savage! Anyway, I’ve spent most of my day tanning, doing squat thrusts, and preparing myself for the first round of the NFL draft so it’s needless to say I was thinking about paging Grey with a 911 alert and telling him I OD’D on Viagra and had to go to the hospital, making my post for tomorrow impossible. I then came to my senses once I remembered I have two Russian mail-order brides locked in my basement and I probably will OD on Viagra soon, so better to get this post in. I’m getting my red-eye bleached tomorrow for a major shoot in Taiwan so let’s jump straight into the players who have impressed me mightily and the scrubs who make me wish I had the podcast guy’s roster. That was obviously a joke as I would never take the roadkill stashed on Capozzi’s team. Let’s do this!

Yeah, I’ll be that guy. Maybe it’s because I don’t own Zack Greinke in any leagues, but I’m not exactly outraged by the whole “incident.” In fact, this has only led to Carlos Quentin being available nearly everywhere, so OPS league owners should be grateful in a way (unless, of course, they own Greinke or are a Dodgers’ fan). Do I feel sorry for Zack? Sure, but that might be what you get for making a deal with the Devil Scott Boras. Also, it’s not the worst thing to make about a million bucks a week while you’re on the disabled list. Last time I messed up my collarbone, I just got a big hospital bill…

We’ve all been told to be patient with our fantasy stars in the early going. As a Giancarlo Stanton owner, I was rewarded for my patience as Stanton finally did what I have been waiting for him to do since draft day… he stole his first base (against the Reds, too). Snarkiness aside, let’s look at one of Stanton’s teammates, Juan Pierre, who is probably sitting on your waiver wire as we speak.

So I understand Eduardo Nunez is not American born – from the Dominican Republic – but Michelle was a mixed up translation, right? Like the person working on his passport just got lazy and it’s actually ‘Miguel’ or ‘Mario’, right? I’m trying to find the right answer for a man having Michelle anywhere in his name, I’ll take any excuse within reason. Did his Mom really just want a daughter? I understand you will grow up and be a strong man one day, Eduardo, but I want you to remember how pretty you were for your quinceanera. Dios mio, you were gorgeous in that red gown! That’s Eduardo’s mother reminding him why everyone picks on him in the Yankees clubhouse. Forget the nickname ‘Nuni’, I think we’re just gonna have to start calling him ‘Shelly’ or ‘Elle’ or ‘Elly’. But why do we need to know this man/woman’s name you ask? Well you’ll have to read to find out, silly! So let’s take a look why Shelly should be on your fantasy rosters for week 4 of the 2013 fantasy baseball season…

I’ll be honest here, I had no idea that Shelley Duncan was still playing. Not only is he playing, he’s, um, well, I’m supposed to put something he’s doing well here to make the play of words work. But that’s not really possible. Oh, he does have two homeruns. Does that help? With a career slash of 230/306/427, I think I’ve actually found a worse outfielder than Don Kelly. What’s next, stigmata? While, if given regular at-bats, 260/330/480 represents the very high end, I could foresee 10 homers and 50 RBI’s if he play’s for 50% of the season’s games.

Greeting all, and welcome to another thrilling post centered on points leagues. Never forget the fact that points leagues’ stats almost always translate into Roto success as well so don’t feel blackballed or ashamed for reading these posts. You don’t have to conceal it from your Roto playing friends anymore. There are millions of Roto players trapped in the proverbial closet who are dying to announce their true desires and join points leagues. Your parents and close friends may know, but it’s time to let the whole world in on the secret. I love points leagues for the fact we don’t have to roster the likes of Taylor Clippard or Dave Robertson, and again I ask you to now to come out the closet and join the fastest growing type of fantasy baseball league. Given Sky’s rapaciousness for adding hot young studs on the waiver wire, I’d say he’s a prime candidate to be Razzball’s second openly points league playing writer. It’s Ok SKY!!! Let it be known, young stallion. You were meant for oh so much more than a 7th place finish in Roto scoring. Before I get carried away (if that didn’t already happen) let’s move on to the girth of what these posts are truly about: The playas.

Last week, I talked about how you should believe in your studs. No, not Studs Terkel, but he was the man. No, not Macho Man Randy Savage either. Why did you even bring him up? Though his hip hop album is easily one of the best (or worst) things I’ve ever heard. Where was I? This week I’m looking at a few guys that I believe are either off to a hot start and undervalued or off to a slow start and worth buying low in OPS leagues. After all, the season isn’t even 10% over, so it’s too early to make drastic assumptions about a player’s performance (that’s for next month!).