A Fan Letter from a Rapist

This is a brilliant piece of satire by John Scalzi, reblogged from his blog Whatever.

-_Q

WARNING: this post is going to be oh-so-very-triggery for victims of rape and sexual assault. I am not kidding.

Dear certain conservative politicians:
Hi! I’m a rapist. I’m one of those men who likes to force myself on women without their consent or desire and then batter them sexually. The details of how I do this are not particularly important at the moment — although I love when you try to make distinctions about “forcible rape” or “legitimate rape” because that gives me all sorts of wiggle room — but I will tell you one of the details about why I do it: I like to control women and, also and independently, I like to remind them how little control they have. There’s just something about making the point to a woman that her consent and her control of her own body is not relevant against the need for a man to possess that body and control it that just plain gets me off. A guy’s got needs, you know? And my need is for control. Sweet, sweet control.

So I want to take time out of my schedule to thank you for supporting my right to control a woman’s life, not just when I’m raping her, but for all the rest of her life as well.

Ah, I see by your surprised face that you at the very least claim to have no idea what I’m talking about. Well, here’s the thing. Every time you say “I oppose a woman’s right to abortion, even in cases of rape,” what you’re also saying is “I believe that a man who rapes a woman has more of a right to control a woman’s body and life than that woman does.”

Oh, look. That surprised face again. All right, then. On the chance that you’re not giving me that surprised face just for the sake of public appearances, let me explain it to you, because it’s important for me that you know just how much I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.

So, let’s say I’ve raped a woman, as I do, because it’s my thing. I’ve had my fun, reminding that woman where she stands on the whole “being able to control things about her life” thing. But wait! There’s more. Since I didn’t use a condom (maybe I’m confident I can get other people to believe it was consensual, you see, or maybe I just like it that way), one thing has led to another and I’ve gotten this woman pregnant.

Also, this gem was in one of the over 600 comments. I just had to include it. Perhaps a letter like this written to my former community about how their activity enables rapists would be effective? I’m sure the rapists in my former communities who don’t look or act like rapists up until the raping starts, as well as every other community, are very, very grateful indeed for the policy to look the other way, embrace the rapist based on charm alone, and shame the victim. Very grateful. Indeed.

Hi! I’m a rapist. But I don’t even know that I am. I have no clue that what I do is rape. What I do doesn’t seem to be forcible. Nobody is kicking, nobody is screaming. In fact, they tend not to say much at all. Certainly not the word “yes,” but I always forget to notice that part. They lay there, and let me do my thing.

I’ve been told I’m entitled to any woman I want, so long as she isn’t doing everything in her power to fight me off. I learned this from your invention of “legitimate rape.” I have no understanding that she might not be able to fight me, too weak from drinking too much, or too scared to try. Maybe she’s seen how much stronger I am, how I could break in her half if she fights back. Maybe it’s happened before, and she’s learned to shut down her psyche when it happens. Whatever the reason, it just doesn’t feel “forcible” without the fight back. So I can feel good about what I’m doing. I sleep easy beside her as she tries not to wake me when she tries to leave.

Thank you for the culture that keeps her silent, keeps her from bothering me about it afterward. Thank you for punishing her whether she speaks up or stays silent, by calling her a slut, by saying I was okay to do what I did.

I always wanted to be a dad. When I find out one of my victims is pregnant, I’d be very upset to find out they’re planning to take that golden opportunity away from me by aborting. Thank you for setting up a system where I can rest easy knowing that, like the sex, she’s been bullied into motherhood as well. Maybe I can even bully her into marriage. Let’s keep this thing rolling. But it’s not forcible marriage unless I drag her kicking and screaming down the aisle. She’ll look at her growing belly that she can’t do anything about and know I’m as good as she’ll get now that she’s been damaged. After all, you’ve shamed her for thinking of being a single mom. You’ve shamed her for everything she’s done since the minute I wormed my way into her life.

The two of us, we make a great team. I couldn’t have done it without you.

5 Responses to “A Fan Letter from a Rapist”

The abortion issue should be completely separated from the rape issue. The politicians are purposely trying to cloud the issue and distract pro-abortion people with talk about rape. A woman’s life takes precedence over the fetus, period, end of story. I have my own ideas about what should be done to rapists, and most men are rapists. But tying abortion to rape should simply be dismissed as a ridiculous issue by politicians and activists. It implies there are “guilty women” and “innocent women.” All women have abortion rights, rights over their bodies, and even if it’s murder (who knows when life begins?) we have a right to murder that which is in our body. Period. Our country and the world, condone murder all the time. We have the death penalty. We go to war and murder others. A avidly urge us pro-abortion people and us anti-rape people to laugh in the face of those who connect the two, and then shoo them away. It’s absurd.

They are trying to cloud the issue, and they’re succeeding. They succeed in doing just that every time. People are so busy running around in circles over details, that the heart of the matter is overlooked.

I hope you don’t really think that “most men are rapists”. MOST men aren’t. Unfortunately, we don’t do enough to stop those that ARE. I’ll grant you that most men are complicit in supporting rapists because we aren’t doing enough to stop them, and to teach our sons that having sex isn’t the measure of being a man.

Some of us are trying to raise consciousness and change our society so that it no longer fosters rape culture. Cultural change is a long, tough fight, and a lot of people won’t admit to themselves that a change needs to happen unless it directly impacts their lives. They don’t see that it stains the lives of every man and woman because they’ve lived with the stain all their lives. Washing away that stain won’t erase the hurt that has been done to women who have been raped, but hopefully will lead to a day when rape is a thing of the past.

As for “most men,” many survivors feel that “most men are rapists” because it has been the bulk of their experience. I agree with your statement that “most men” are at the very least rape apologists and supporting of rape in its many, many forms, perpetuating rape culture and renewing the rapists’ social license to rape.

Harvard did a study that showed 30% of men would rape if they knew they’d away with it. This was stereotypical overt-force rape or drunken-passed-out rape.

However, when you look at the likely most common form of rape–coercive rape–I wouldn’t be surprised if “most men” had committed or attempted to coercively rape in their lifetime, especially as teens or very young men. When that first no, verbal or indicated by pushing a hand away, was ignored and taken as a “not yet” or “maybe later” or “I have to appear like I don’t want this so you don’t think I’m a slut.” They try harder. They beg, plead, wheedle, and/or use minimal force (i.e. not letting her push his hand away or struggling against her to remove her panties) to push their way forward. This sometimes takes hours, until all those NOs slowly become “yes” and they get what they want, feeling good that she “gave in” and they don’t have to call it rape. That’s not enthusiastic consent. That’s coercive rape.