Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Tuesday, 28 June 2016

Some women I love, but for this woman, I don't only love her, but I have Maximum Respect! She's in fact my woman of the year! I have respected her for a long time and I think she's earned my respect for a life time hahaha!. How I love smart individuals and when they are ladies, I get even more excited. maybe because I just get soooo bored with superficial ladies who only know how to do make up & clothes and forget that the intellect is actually more important!

Friday, 24 June 2016

A friend posted this link(http://markmanson.net/love), and when I read it, it actually felt like I was the author. To be fair growing up for me, has been one of telling myself the harsh truths. I have promised myself one thing which I am doing a good job of doing: That no matter how well I deceive/ lie to others( which I do not do! Lol) I will NEVER lie to ME! So help me God! Hahahaha..... Read and understand before forming an opinion!

In 1967, John Lennon
wrote a song called, “All You Need is Love.” He also beat both of his wives,
abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with
homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying
naked in his bed for an entire day.

Thirty-five years
later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love is Not
Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and
his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol,
married one woman, had two children with her, and then cancelled entire albums
and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father.

One of these two men
had a clear and realistic understanding of love. One of them did not. One of
these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of them
did not. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of them was
not.

In our culture, many of
us idealize love. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems.
Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate
goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. And because we
idealize love, we overestimate it. As a result, our relationships pay a price.

When we believe that
“all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore
fundamental values such as respect, humility and commitment towards the people
we care about. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all
the other stuff — all of the hard stuff?

But if, like Reznor, we
believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy
relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. We understand
that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than
simply being in love. And the success of our relationships hinges on these
deeper and more important values.

THREE HARSH TRUTHS
ABOUT LOVE

The problem with
idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about
what love actually is and what it can do for us. These unrealistic expectations
then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place. Allow me
to illustrate:

1. Love does not equal
compatibility. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily
mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. Love is an
emotional process; compatibility is a logical process. And the two don’t bleed
into one another very well.

It’s possible to fall
in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about
ourselves, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them, or who
has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down
with them.

abstract-painting-lovers

It’s possible to fall
in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life goals that are
contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs or
worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.

It’s possible to fall
in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.

That may sound
paradoxical, but it’s true.

When I think of all of
the disastrous relationships I’ve seen or people have emailed me about, many
(or most) of them were entered into on the basis of emotion — they felt that
“spark” and so they just dove in head first. Forget that he was a born-again
Christian alcoholic and she was an acid-dropping bisexual necrophiliac. It just
felt right.

And then six months
later, when she’s throwing his shit out onto the lawn and he’s praying to Jesus
twelve times a day for her salvation, they look around and wonder, “Gee, where
did it go wrong?”

The truth is, it went
wrong before it even began.

When dating and looking
for a partner, you must use not only your heart, but your mind. Yes, you want
to find someone who makes your heart flutter and your farts smell like cherry
popsicles. But you also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat
themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their
worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is
incompatible with you…well, as the ski instructor from South Park once said,
you’re going to have a bad time.

2. Love does not solve
your relationship problems. My first girlfriend and I were madly in love with
each other. We also lived in different cities, had no money to see each other,
had families who hated each other, and went through weekly bouts of meaningless
drama and fighting.

man-love-woman-kiss

And every time we
fought, we’d come back to each other the next day and make up and remind each
other how crazy we were about one another and that none of those little things
matter because we’re omg sooooooo in love and we’ll find a way to work it out and
everything will be great, just you wait and see. Our love made us feel like we
were overcoming our issues, when on a practical level, absolutely nothing had
changed.

As you can imagine,
none of our problems got resolved. The fights repeated themselves. The
arguments got worse. Our inability to ever see each other hung around our necks
like an albatross. We were both self-absorbed to the point where we couldn’t
even communicate that effectively. Hours and hours talking on the phone with
nothing actually said. Looking back, there was no hope that it was going to
last. Yet we kept it up for three fucking years!

After all, love
conquers all, right?

Unsurprisingly, that
relationship burst into flames and crashed like the Hindenburg being doused in
jet fuel. The break up was ugly. And the big lesson I took away from it was
this: while love may make you feel better about your relationship problems, it
doesn’t actually solve any of your relationship problems.

The roller coaster of
emotions can be intoxicating, each high feeling even more important and more
valid than the one before, but unless there’s a stable and practical foundation
beneath your feet, that rising tide of emotion will eventually come and wash it
all away.

3. Love is not always
worth sacrificing yourself. One of the defining characteristics of loving
someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to
help care for another person and their needs as well.

But the question that
doesn’t get asked often enough is exactly what are you sacrificing, and is it
worth it?

sad-girl-bwIn loving
relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own
desires, their own needs, and their own time for one another. I would argue
that this is normal and healthy and a big part of what makes a relationship so
great.

But when it comes to
sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s
ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love
becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our
individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in
situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then
that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and
negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person
we once were.

THE FRIENDSHIP TEST

One of the oldest
pieces of relationship advice in the book is, “You and your partner should be
best friends.” Most people look at that piece of advice in the positive: I
should spend time with my partner like I do my best friend; I should
communicate openly with my partner like I do with my best friend; I should have
fun with my partner like I do with my best friend.

But people should also
look at it in the negative: Would you tolerate your partner’s negative
behaviors in your best friend?

Amazingly, when we ask
ourselves this question honestly, in most unhealthy and codependent
relationships, the answer is “no.”

I know a young woman
who just got married. She was madly in love with her husband. And despite the
fact that he had been “between jobs” for more than a year, showed no interest
in planning the wedding, often ditched her to take surfing trips with his
friends, and her friends and family raised not-so-subtle concerns about him,
she happily married him anyway.

But once the emotional
high of the wedding wore off, reality set in. A year into their marriage, he’s
still “between jobs,” he trashes the house while she’s at work, gets angry if
she doesn’t cook dinner for him, and any time she complains he tells her that
she’s “spoiled” and “arrogant.” Oh, and he still ditches her to take surfing
trips with his friends.

And she got into this
situation because she ignored all three of the harsh truths above. She
idealized love. Despite being slapped in the face by all of the red flags he
raised while dating him, she believed that their love signaled relationship
compatibility. It didn’t. When her friends and family raised concerns leading
up to the wedding, she believed that their love would solve their problems
eventually. It didn’t. And now that everything had fallen into a steaming shit
heap, she approached her friends for advice on how she could sacrifice herself
even more to make it work.

And the truth is, it
won’t.

Why do we tolerate
behavior in our romantic relationships that we would never ever, ever tolerate
in our friendships?

Imagine if your best
friend moved in with you, trashed your place, refused to get a job or pay rent,
demanded you cook dinner for them, and got angry and yelled at you any time you
complained. That friendship would be over faster than Paris Hilton’s acting
career.

Or another situation: a
man’s girlfriend who was so jealous that she demanded passwords to all of his
accounts and insisted on accompanying him on his business trips to make sure he
wasn’t tempted by other women. His life was practically under 24/7 surveillance
and you could see it wearing on his self-esteem. His self-worth dropped to
nothing. She didn’t trust him to do anything. So he quit trusting himself to do
anything.

Yet he stays with her!
Why? Because he’s in love!

Remember this: The only
way you can fully enjoy the love in your life is to choose to make something
else more important in your life than love.

You can fall in love
with a wide variety of people throughout the course of your life. You can fall
in love with people who are good for you and people who are bad for you. You
can fall in love in healthy ways and unhealthy ways. You can fall in love when
you’re young and when you’re old. Love is not unique. Love is not special. Love
is not scarce.

But your self-respect
is. So is your dignity. So is your ability to trust. There can potentially be
many loves throughout your life, but once you lose your self-respect, your
dignity or your ability to trust, they are very hard to get back.

Love is a wonderful
experience. It’s one of the greatest experiences life has to offer. And it is
something everyone should aspire to feel and enjoy.

But like any other
experience, it can be healthy or unhealthy. Like any other experience, it
cannot be allowed to define us, our identities or our life purpose. We cannot
let it consume us. We cannot sacrifice our identities and self-worth to it.
Because the moment we do that, we lose love and we lose ourselves.

Because you need more
in life than love. Love is great. Love is necessary. Love is beautiful. But
love is not enough.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.(Gen 18:19 KJV).Today there will be so much said about Fathers all over the world. I won't write an epistle about mine but rather I will leave the scripture for you to ponder. Father! Can God trust you to raise your children to fear Him?? The role of a Father is much more than bringing children into this world. And until Fathers realise this, and get the right support from the family, society and church, we will keep seeing an increase in the vices we see today.

I have not been around my Dad, for Fathers day for over 10 years if I can remember. But this year was different and I wanted to make it extra special for him. I was actually sourcing for the best restaurant in town to take him to and when I was torn between choices, I had to ask him if he preferred Mexican, Italian or African. And he goes " Elly I really enjoy your cooking and I want you to make the meal yourself". Today I actually cooked up a storm and made him feel extra special, the look in his eyes, the smile on his face and the contentment in his voice meant the world to me. My mum actually whispered in my ears"Your father cant get over how you have made him feel today. You might have just added some extra years to his days to which we both laughed." Nothing is forever, but with the time we have got, with the people that mean the world to us, we will make sure the memories last a lifetime as we set our priorities right! Enjoy the pics! There were lots of goofing pics but I dont have the time to post them or rather I do not want to post them! Hahahaha

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

I said earlier on that when it comes to the subject of dating, I tend to steer clear for now because in my head, I don't think I am qualified for it yet! But in the near future, I will come back to the concept of christian dating/relationships. Lets say for now, I am undergoing some form of training and pruning and I cant just launch out as an expert into this very sensitive area, in a generation that is so opinionated!.

All the time, Frank Powell, always says almost exactly just whats on my mind and that is why I love to read his write ups and I actually follow him on twitter. Today however, I stumbled upon this! And all I could say was YES!!! We are indeed writers of same ilk, I would say hahaha.

Being Single, I Have received some really FOOLISH advice both solicited and unsolicited! But the one that tops the scale is this "STOP BEING SO PICKY"! Anytime I hear this, I am like SERIOUSLY??? My Parents actually had to pick my country of birth, after rigorous scrutiny, they picked the nursery/primary schools I attended, when it was time for my 1st, & 2nd degrees, the onus was on me to carry out extensive research on the choice of course to undertake, the best possible uni to attend, future prospects after study etc. I prayerfully "PICK" even the church I attend, & the men and women of God I listen to, because I don't want any individual filling my head with rubbish in this day of excessive knowledge. When I go grocery shopping, I pick out the "best buy" and "best produce" with extended shelf life. But now when it comes to Marriage, I am suddenly expected to "STOP BEING SO PICKY" for a commitment that is for a Lifetime?? This advice comes across as "Smelly Poo" or "Spoiled Milk".

Lets be careful of the advice we give especially as Christians,(I am also guilty) do not take the place of the Holy Spirit!

Enjoy the Read! Most importantly, Be Inspired!

8
TERRIBLE PIECES OF DATING ADVICE CHRISTIANS GIVE

Ever
been in a conversation where a statement that is made leaves you shaking your
head? And you start wondering whether this individual has any idea the context
of the conversation. After the bad advice “pow-wow” breaks, you have to do
damage control.

But most
of the time the damage is done. This is the problem with advice, in general.
Especially if someone comes asking for it. Whether the sage (I use the term
loosely) delivers good or bad advice, the individual asking will heed it.

I wish I
could tell you Christians never give bad advice. Unfortunately, I would be
lying. This is just another product of our brokenness. Christians have a
tendency to make statements that, if they were tangible, would be some form of
smelly poo or rotten milk. And I am guilty as well.

Combine
the potential to deliver bad advice with a strange topic like dating, the
chance of smelly poo or spoiled milk increases exponentially. Let’s be real,
church. Dating is strange to us. We know we will be inevitably confronted with
it. But we are not sure what to do when the confrontation happens. Some assume
dating ends in something really bad (you know what I mean). Others fully
embrace it. The rest are just bamboozled by the topic altogether.

I
embrace dating (not me dating, but dating in general). I believe Christians
must talk about it. And we must advise people, young and old, about the
positive and negatives of dating as a follower of Jesus.

With
that said, if someone comes to you for advice, the individual expects you to
provide them with advice. But, for the love of all things good and righteous,
avoid these statements.

Here are
8 terrible pieces of dating advice Christians give.

1.)
“FOLLOW YOUR HEART.”

There is
a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.

Proverbs
14:12

Now this
piece of advice appears logical. Someone comes to you for advice. The
individual has feelings for another person. But doubt or uncertainty is also
present. So, how do you move forward? “Just follow your heart.”

Steer
clear of the rotten milk. Here’s why this statement is toxic. Riding the waves
of emotions and logic will eventually lead to a crash landing. Emotions and
logic can be helpful. They can also be deceitful. Like a blind man relying on
his cane. It can be helpful. But relying on a cane to get from the house to the
store? Not a good idea.

A better
option? Follow the advice of others. Pray for clarity. Seek the Lord.

2.) “YOU
ARE MARRIED TO JESUS. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.”

This is
another piece of advice that seems good. As long as you aren’t the one
receiving it. And you aren’t a dude. Ever heard a guy receive this piece of
advice? Me neither.

This is
more a copout than a piece of advice. The statement is legitimate, yes. Jesus
must be the center of a relationship. Your love for him must be significantly
greater than your love for any other person. But what Christian doesn’t know
this?

3.) “YOU
SHOULD ALWAYS DATE TO MARRY.”

I need
to be careful here. Don’t want to contradict myself. I believe strongly in
intentional dating. I also believe strongly in Christians dating Christians
(more on this later). But refusing to date unless you are sure the individual
is “marriage material” is overkill.

Christian
dating is a lot about figuring out yourself. Not to mention having this cloud
hovering over any relationship adds unnecessary pressure to it. Dating should
be fun. It should be pure. And it doesn’t have to end in marriage. These relationships
can teach you something about yourself that prepares you for the one you will
one day marry.

I say
that is valuable. You decide for yourself.

4.)
“STOP BEING SO PICKY.”

People
who have higher standards and higher expectations for their marriage have the
best marriages, not the worst-John Gottman

Look,
marriage is forever. God designed it this way. So you should never compromise
on the values you have for a spouse. Make a list. Keep the list close. And make
sure any potential spouse meets the qualities on your list.

This
goes for dating as well. It is better to remain single for a lifetime than
compromise values just to marry. It never ends well for people who do this.

Those
who have a high standard in a spouse will have a high standard in marriage.
Having a high standard for marriage is an important value for having a great
marriage. And God desires couples to have great marriages. It is worth waiting
months or years to find the person who meets the standards you believe are
essential.

So, if
you hear someone telling you to stop being so picky, be sure the advice is bad.
Spoiled milk.

It is
better to remain single for a lifetime than compromise your values just to
marry.

5.)
“IT’S OK TO DATE A NON-CHRISTIAN…JUST DON’T MARRY ONE.”

There
are certain non-negotiable filters in dating. This is one. Christian dating can
be a field day for Satan. He uses dating like he uses everything inherently
good…To spread lies and destroy your life.

For this
reason, date someone who shares your values. Shares your passion for Jesus.
Shares your desire for purity. It’s not that dating a non-Christian is sinful.
The Bible never talks about dating. But it is critical to date people who won’t
create tension between the desires of the flesh and the will of God.

Don’t
date people who create tension between desires of the flesh and the will of
God.

TWEET
THIS!

Dating
Christians doesn’t ensure this won’t happen. But Christians should work with
you to pursue the holiness God desires.

6.) “YOU
WILL MEET YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOU STOP LOOKING.”

You know
who makes statements like this one? People who are married…or really old. No
offense to my older people. Love you guys (and girls). The idea with this
statement is you are trying to hard to find a spouse. But you are adding
unneeded pressure and stress in the process.

This is
the picture I get when I hear this statement.

Instead
of trying to find a spouse at every corner, you proceed to sit at the house
with a bag of Nachos or ice cream. And wait. Then, magically, a cute,
Jesus-following guy or girl rings the doorbell with a box of chocolates (or,
for the dudes, a jersey from your favorite sports team), asks you out on a
date, and the rest is history.

Of
course, we know this is garbage. And if you are the one person reading this who
had this experience, don’t leave me a comment. Thanks.

The
better solution: pray for a spouse (if you believe this is God’s design for
your life). Live expectantly. Don’t force what God is not ordaining. But go to
work, school, wherever, with eyes open to how God is moving in the world around
you…Whatever you do, don’t compromise.

7.)
“SINGLENESS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.”

Again,
this is a copout answer to someone most likely struggling with singleness. Like
the woman who is struggling to get pregnant. Or the person who lost a family
member to cancer. Copout answers don’t work.

Yes,
singleness is a gift from God. I believe God calls certain people to singleness
to show himself to them in a way relationships never would. But don’t tell that
to the guy or girl who sees friends progressing down life’s natural road.

The
better response? Ask questions. Allow those struggling with singleness to share
emotions and frustrations. Encourage them in Christ. But, as a general rule,
stay away from copout statements like this one.

8.)
“THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON.”

I
remember the first time a girl broke up with me. I was distraught. The break up
taught me a lot of relationships and dating. But the future lessons learned
didn’t remove the present pain.

We are
not robots with an on-off switch. Relationships hurt. Rejection hurts. Moving
on hurts. Hurting another person hurts. You see the idea? We have emotions. And
dealing with emotions isn’t a mechanical process. This statement implies that
emotions aren’t important.

By now if you are an ardent reader of this blog, you must have realized that Ellyeleanor Foundation is our number one charity. This charity is not just the one off food provision charity but we are shaping tomorrows future by giving less privileged children access to qualitative education.

We presently have 5 children in the best private schools in their regions in Imo State Nigeria, and in March of this year, we shortlisted another 5 children and we also shortlisted a lady, whom we will be giving financial support to start petty trading.

We have Big Dreams, but limited funds and that is why we fundraise. This year, our "Start The Spark" campaign is targeted at getting more individuals and businesses involved because we are better together.

We are presently having a massive fundraiser in Canada as 2 young men have decided to turn their graduation party into a fundraising event. And our fundraiser campaigns are always so much fun!! Check out our site if in doubt ellyeleanor.org
Date: 04;06;16
Start Time 3;00pm
Venue; 21A Suvla Str, A1C 4Z2 St John's NL
Activities; Barbecue, Nigerian Jollof Rice, Indian Curries, Games, Music, Fundraising & More Food!!

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About Me

Prime mover Ellyeleanor Foundation, a children's charing which provides tuition fees for children fro less privilged homes.Find out more @ ellyeleanor.org. Main editor Ellyeleanor Blog..... Everyone can make a difference if you put your mind to it.... I am pioneering a move to change the world one child at a time and to inspire moments of optimism, hope & direction via ellyeleanor.blogspot.co.uk.