If you’ve been living under a rock, you may not have heard of the Fifty Shades trilogy.

I envy you and that rock.

Maybe it’s because of the people I talk to online, maybe it’s because I’ve been known to read fanfiction, or maybe it’s just because this is such a hot topic that none of my book discussion groups will shut up about it, but I’m so, so, so sick of Fifty. [Confession: Rather than paying for the books, I read the Twilight fanfiction version.]

I cannot for the life of me figure out why women are so fascinated by these books. The writing is subpar at best and downright offensive at worst. Edwistan fits the profile of an abuser. Belana is weak and insipid. Can anyone explain to me why a college senior in the 21st century does not have an e-mail address, let alone not have a computer? Don’t even get me started on the more intimate scenes. I don’t know much about BDSM, but I have friends who do. They swear up and down how it’s written in the book is not how it is in real life.

Look, I get reading things you don’t really have to think about. I have a shelf full of brain candy, which you may call beach reads. I just don’t get THESE books.

The one good thing to come out of this? 50 Shades of Suck. I was laughing so hard I was crying the night I discovered it.