dedicated to the fairer sex

Musings on Sex Scenes

Going through my big box of writing I’d done years before kids and jobs sucked up all my free time has been a lot of fun. My stash of horror stories motivated me to launch another blog, Ben_Scared, to put up my fiction (check it out– I should have another story put up over the weekend). I was also excited to discover my stash of screenwriting!

I’d always loved movies, but ever since I started writing stories it never occurred to me that I could actually write a screenplay until I took a playwriting class in college and had a great time. My instructor really seemed to enjoy my work, and after several conversations about my ideas suggested that I look into screenwriting.

I was excited at the idea, but baffled as to how someone in Virginia could tap into the movie- and TV-making machine, much less learn how to write screenplays. However, as I asked around and did some digging, I found out that there was a Virginia Film Office right here in Richmond who’s job it was to support local film industry professionals and encourage studios to come film their projects in the state.

As luck would have it, they were looking for an intern, and I got the (sadly, unpaid) gig.

I worked my ass off and had a really good time at the job. I had high hopes that maybe I’d be able to get full-time employment there when I graduated. Sadly, a new governor brought massive budget cuts and my dreams were quickly dashed as the small Film Office shrunk even further. I did however make connection with a group of people who called themselves the Virginia Screenwriters Forum, a group of amateur and semi-professional writers who were serious about breaking into the business of screenwriting.

I had to jump through some hoops — the biggest being producing a completed screenplay to prove I was serious — but I managed to join the VSF and spent about five or six years with them. A fantastic group of folks from all backgrounds and walks of life, they really helped me mature as a writer and I was sad to have to drop out of the group when the kids came along and my schedule became too hectic to be an active member.

Before I left, I had the first act (30-40 pages) of a new screenplay read and critiqued by the group. Amidst my stash of writing was a bunch of the critiques and reading them brought back some fun memories. What really made me smile were the responses to the explicit sex scene I wrote into my screenplay.

After being with the group for many years, I realized that none of my fellow writers had written a really steamy sex scene in the screenplays they had submitted and it bothered me a little bit because I really like sex scenes in movies. Not dumb, stylized sex scenes, or love-making “montages” — but rather sex scenes that feel like two real, living breathing human beings getting it on in all their imperfect but wonderful glory. It drives me nuts that so many modern-day romantic comedies and dramas choose to be so chaste and demur on screen in order to score the coveted PG-13 rating, which often means removing or scrubbing out the sex scenes of nudity and, well, actual sex. Guess what America? When love is involved, people sometimes get naked and have sex. Shocking, I know!

Sure, sometimes sex and nudity in movies can be gratituous and serve no purpose but to titillate, but it’s also a major part of a human being’s life and a big part of love and relationships that not having it as part of a moviemaker’s toolbox to connect with the audience and tell a story is just a tragedy. When I see commercials for a love story between two grown adults and see it’s rated PG-13, I just know that there’s going to be something vital missing from the story narrative.

I remember walking out of the excellent movie Love Actually with a gigantic smile on my face and immense gratitude that it had been made in Britain. A wonderful kaleidescope of romantic stories spanning so many ages and circumstances, there was some nudity and sex scenes there to add to the story about love and human relationships. Totally embraced it’s R-rating. I had no doubt that, had the movie been made in the US, the nudity and sex-scenes would have been toned down to PG-13 levels, and those storylines would have felt flat and false. Love Actually was a movie actually about adult love made for adults, and I really appreciated that.

Anyway, back to the VSF– in all the time we’d been talking about the art of screenwriting, I realized that we’d never really talked about how to write good sex scenes in our movies. I certainly had no idea, so I gave it a try in an attempt to force the issue. Here’s what I wrote below; the set-up is two people who’s marriage is put under massive strain by the tragic death of their young daughter. My thought was that sex isn’t just about love, it’s also about life and in the aftermath of such a horrible loss, these two needed to reconnect not just to their love, but also to life on a primal level. Sex to help start the healing process.

INT. MCKNIGHT HOUSE — LATER

Danny sits in the living room, in near darkness. By the light from outside he stares at a picture of Nikki.

Tara tosses in her sleep. The moonlight streaming in gleams off her tear-streakd face.

Danny comes in quietly and goes around to his side of the bed. He takes off his clothes and stands for a moment in his underwear, watching her. After a moment, he ditches the underwear and slips under the covers. He rols to where he can see Tara’s face, and tenderly wipes away a tear. Her eyes flutter open.

DANNY Hi there.

TARA Hi there.

He leans over and kisses her cheeks gently, smoothing away the tears with his lips. She snuggles near and closes her mouth on his, the kiss long, lingering, warm.

Her hands wrap around his back, move down slowly Then her eyes open, mischief glittering. She breaks his kiss with a smile.

TARA Hi there!

Danny smiles as his hands join the fun, working in slow round motions along her back first, then around to the front.

Tara sighs and helps him lift off her nightshirt. Danny pulls back the covers to reveal her breasts, his eyes devouring the sight before his mouth follows.

She watches him, her hands roaming his thick hair. Her legs grip his body, pulling him closer, pulling him tighter. The covers fall away, the moon highlighting their bodies.

His hands work their way down her stomach, then up her thighs, finally to that spot between. Tara softly moans, and lends a hand to help her out of her panties.

Danny looks up at her.

DANNY God how I love you.

She pulls her face up tohers and they kiss like teenagers, hungry and rushed. It’s been a while. Their lower bodies, however, entwine like longtime lovers, instinctively finding the right position and, soon after, the right rhythm.

Starting off slow and steady, their motion eventually quickens, building towards the sweet conclusion. Danny stiffens suddenly, groaning as Tara spills over, holding on tight. Danny nibbles on her neck.

DANNY (muffled) Hi there!

Tara laughs, deep and relaxed. Danny starts to roll off but she grabs hold tight.

TARA Nuh-uh. You stay just like that.

He smiles and stretches in her embrace.

TARA (CONT’D) Feel free to wake me up anytime.

I tried to picture Danny and Tara as actual human beings, fumbling and bumping, horny and sweaty. Not movie stars is some dimly-lit “artistic” montage. I actually got turned on envisoning the scene and writing it so I felt that I must have done something right, but I was nervous as a cat when I handed out the copies for everyone to take home and read. What would they think of it? Would I come across as crass, or — worse — silly and immature?

Nervous, hell. I was terrified.

The next meeting my screenplay was up for critique. The first two people to talk gave me some great feedback, but did not touch upon the sex scene. Then this one woman began to talk and was clearly disturbed by the sex scene. Another person joined in with her and questioned whether the story needed the scene at all.

But then people started jumping into the conversation defending the scene. I wish I could remember more of the details from the meeting, but I remember coming away very pleased that I’d broken the ice and gotten people talking about writing sex scenes.

Some people wrote their comments on the scene on the script itself, which I got to read later and enjoy again here recently. Here’s some of what they said:

I reached out recently and discovered that the VSF is still going strong. Unfortunately their meeting night conflicts with my part-time job, but I’ve decided that, once I finally do land a roommate and can afford to cut back on my part-time hours, one thing I’ll make sure to open up time for is rejoining the group. I can’t wait to see who’s still there and meet a whole new batch of writers. As I wrote in my very first blogpost here (…She’d Be Creative), I really want to surround myself with creative people and get energized by all that creative energy!

So what do you think of sex scenes in movies? Do they add to the story or detract?

[…] them with the skills I’ve learned in the 20 years since I wrote most of them. I hope to reconnect with my old screenwriting group as well, to surround myself with creative people and get my brain back into fictional […]

[…] my social circle in this way as well, though it’s much more of a “workshop” environment and when I was with the group a decade ago not many were interested in socializing outside of the monthly meeting. Then again, I was married […]

[…] a couple times before about the Virginia Screenwriters Forum and my hopes for rejoining the group (Musings on Sex Scenes, Climbing Out of the Social Void?). I was an active member for about six years before having to […]

Wow! it feels like am watching the movie, and not reading it. Am a beginner and found hard writing the sex scenes, it takes a lot of courage. I kept thinking what would people say, or they may find this weird. But thanks, I think I learned how to express what I want to express from your writing. By the way are the VA screenwriters group still around?