18 Uncomfortable Things You Need to Do If You Don’t Want to Regret 2018

When you look back on the past year, don’t think of the pain you felt. Think of the strength you gained, and appreciate how far you’ve come. You’ve been through a lot, but you’ve grown a lot too. Give yourself credit for your resilience, and then step forward again with grace.

Almost two decades ago, when I told my grandmother I was worried about taking a chance and regretting my choice, she hugged me and said, “Trust me, kiddo, that’s not what you’re going to regret when you’re my age. If anything, you will likely kick yourself for not taking more chances on the very real and accessible opportunities you have today.” And the older I get, the more I realize how right she was. Life is about trusting yourself and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, learning from experience, appreciating the journey, and realizing that every step is worth it.

But (and this is a big “but”)… you have to be willing to take each step. You have to give yourself a fair chance. Because in the end, more than anything else, we regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were too busy to nurture, and the decisions we waited too long to make.

Think about it…

The big opportunity you procrastinated on. That friend you never called. Those important words you left unspoken.

You know what I’m talking about.

But why?

Why do we do these things to ourselves?

Why do we make so many regretful decisions along the way?

In most cases the poor decisions we continuously make, and the ensuing regrets we face, are caused not by physical problems in our lives, but instead by common weaknesses of the inner mind—weaknesses that encourage us to avoid discomfort.

Discomfort is a form of pain, but it isn’t a deep pain—it’s a very shallow one. It’s that feeling you get when you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone. The idea of exercising every morning, for example, brings discomfort—so we don’t do it. Eating green vegetables brings discomfort too. So does meditating, or focusing on a difficult task, or saying no to others. Of course, these are just examples, because all of us find discomfort in different things at different times, but you get the general idea.

The bottom line is most of us don’t want to be uncomfortable, so we subconsciously run from discomfort constantly. The problem with this is that, by running from discomfort, we are forced to participate in only the (easy) activities and (unexciting) opportunities within our comfort zones. And since our comfort zones are relativity small, we miss out on most of life’s greatest and healthiest experiences, and we get stuck in a debilitating cycle that often leads to regret.

Turning Things Around in 2018

Are you tired of dealing with the same types of headaches and heartache over and over again?

Then it’s time to break the cycle, purge some bad habits, and embrace discomfort as you prepare for the year ahead. It’s time to learn from your mistakes rather than be conquered by them, and let your errors be of commission rather than omission.

Remember, you ultimately become what you repeatedly do. If your habits aren’t helping you, they’re hurting you. Which means it’s time for a change.

Here are 18 uncomfortable things to start doing for yourself in the year ahead…

Challenge your understandings and certainties. – Life’s richness does not come from always residing within familiar territory. It’s when you venture out, away from the familiar, that you grow stronger and more capable. You must hold tightly to your core values while at the same time opening your heart and mind to new ideas, feelings and experiences. Your own perspective will become clearer when you look at things from different angles. Find ways to provide a healthy challenge to your current understandings of life, and you will discover and experience far more of life’s magic in the year ahead.

Track how you invest your energy and make productive shifts. – To attract better outcomes in life, you have to become better on the inside. Again, you can’t do the same things and expect change. You can’t blame someone else. Take full responsibility for the next step. Start transforming your mindset. Start upgrading your habits. Your life is 90% your choice! Seriously, don’t settle! Don’t exchange what you want most for what’s easiest at the moment. Study your agendas and routines closely. Figure out where your time goes, and remove needless distractions. It’s time to focus on what really matters.

Work diligently and consistently on meaningful goals. – When you focus your heart and mind upon a purpose, and commit yourself to fulfill that purpose through small daily steps, positive energy floods into your life. Sadly, many of us miss the mark. A few years ago when the Guardian asked a hospice nurse, Bronnie Ware, about The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, one of the most common regrets she noticed was that people regretted not being true to their goals. In fact, she said that most of the people she cared for admitted to not honoring even half of the goals that were meaningful to them, and so they ended up dying with regrets. Let this be your wake-up call! Good health brings a level of freedom and opportunity very few of us realize until we no longer have it. As they say, there are seven days in the week and “someday” isn’t one of them.

Do the hard things. – Lose the expectation that everything in life should be easier. There are rarely shortcuts to any place worth going. Enjoy the challenge of your achievements. See the value in your efforts and be patient with yourself. And realize that patience is not just about waiting, it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your important goals. It’s knowing deep down that doing the hard things is worth it. Why? Because those are the things that ultimately define you. Those are the things that make the difference between existing and living—between knowing the path and walking the path—between a life of mediocrity and a life filled with progress and fulfillment.

Study your mistakes closely and learn from them. – Disappointments and failure are two of the surest stepping-stones to the places you want to go. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. When things go wrong, learn what you can and then push the heartbreak aside by refocusing your energy on the present step. Remember that life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. We must fail in order to know, and hurt in order to grow. Good things often fall apart so better things can fall together in their place. And what’s better already is the more informed step you’re able to take right now.

Choose a positive and effective response. – Happiness doesn’t start with a relationship, a vacation, a job or money. It starts with you. If you want life to be happier, you need to be mindful of your present response. It’s how you deal with stress in each little moment that determines how well you achieve happiness in the end.

Directly confront the thoughts that worry you. – A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by how you respond to them. Whenever our Getting Back to Happy course students and Think Better, Live Better conference attendees come to us feeling down about a life situation they can’t control, we typically start by reinforcing the hard truth: sometimes changing your situation isn’t possible—or simply not possible soon enough. But you CAN always choose a mindset that moves you forward. And doing so will help you change things from the inside out, and ultimately allow you to grow beyond the struggles you can’t control at any given moment. Here’s a powerful question that will support you with an attitude adjustment when you need it most: Who would you be, and what else would you see, if you removed the thought that’s worrying you?

Learn to be more human again. – Don’t avoid eye contact. Don’t hide behind gadgets. Smile often. Ask about people’s stories. Listen. You can’t connect with anyone, including yourself, unless you are undistracted and present. And you can’t be either of the two when you’re Facebooking, Instagramming or Snapchatting your life away on your smartphone. You just can’t! If you are constantly attached to your smartphone and only listening with your ears as your eyes check for the next social update, you are ripping yourself off of actually experiencing real relationships and real life. The same is true for texting too. Yes, someday you will be slapped with the reality of a missed MEMORY being far more unsettling than a missed TEXT!

Be strict about making time for the right people. – At some point, when it comes to relationships, you’ll just want to be around the few people who make you smile for all the right reasons. So be intentional about spending more quality time with those who help you love yourself more. And remember that nothing you can give them will ever be more appreciated than your sincere, focused attention—your full presence. Truly being with them, and listening without a clock and without anticipation of the next event, is the highest form of compliment.

Choose yourself, too. – You won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you have to be a top priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Love yourself first and foremost every day, instead of simply loving the idea of other people loving you. Your needs matter. Start meeting them. Don’t wait on others to choose you—choose yourself! And remember that once your needs are met, you will be better equipped and capable of meeting the needs of those few people who matter most to you. (We discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of our book.)

Invest in your health. – There’s no getting around it: no matter how much you think you dislike exercise and healthy eating, both will make you feel better in the long run. If you don’t have your physical energy tuned up, then your mental energy (your focus), your emotional energy (your feelings), and your spiritual energy (your purpose) will all be negatively affected. In fact, did you know that recent studies conducted on people who were battling depression showed that consistent exercise combined with a healthy diet raises happiness levels just as much as Zoloft? Even better, six months later the people who participated in this exercise were less likely to relapse because they had a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

Walk away from the drama you feel inclined to engage in. – Say less when less means more. Sometimes, you are as wise as the silence you leave behind, because sometimes the right words aren’t words. Deep down you know this is true. Live accordingly. Do your best not to judge other people, for you do not know their pain or sorrows. If you cannot speak a kind word, say nothing at all. And if they cannot speak a kind word, say nothing at all. Enjoy the inner glow you get from letting go and not engaging in drama. When you no longer waste your energy worrying about things that don’t evolve you, everything gradually changes. You stop doing the wrong things, and the right things suddenly have a chance to catch up with you.

Say “no” when you need to. – Saying “yes” to everything puts you on the fast track to a regretful existence. Feeling like you’re constantly busy and overwhelmed is typically the result of saying “yes” to too often. We all have obligations, but a healthy, effective pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses. So stop saying “yes” when you want to say “no.” You can’t always be agreeable; that’s how people and situations take advantage of you. Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.

Distance yourself from hurtful relationships. – One of the absolute hardest parts of loving someone: you have to give things up because of them. And sometimes you even have to give them up. Of course, it’s difficult to distance yourself from someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process. Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these “what ifs”—these “maybes” about the future. But that’s just the thing, there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these fantasies. The reality of this person’s consistent actions has disproven them. When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and distance yourself. (We discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of our book.)

Forgive the people who don’t necessarily deserve it. – Distance yourself, but don’t forget them; forgive them. Forgetting about the people who hurt you is your gift to them; forgiving the people who hurt you is your gift to yourself. Let this sink in. You need to forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness at the moment, but because you deserve peace of mind going forward. And also keep in mind that some relationships will temporarily split, only to heal and grow back together over time. Forgiveness alone makes this possible, if it’s meant to be.

Find joy in less. – People who spend all their time trying to make money, spend all their money trying to make time. Don’t do this to yourself. Remind yourself that the richest human isn’t the one who has the most, but the one who needs less. Wealth is a mindset. Want less and appreciate more today. Challenge yourself to be less impressed by the things you own, and be more impressed by the life you live. You are incredibly fortunate to be experiencing this moment right here, right now. And the more you appreciate it, the better it will be. (Read Soulful Simplicity in the New Year—we read an advance copy and it’s a true game-changer.)

Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.” – Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it. When people and circumstances close their doors on you, it’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more. Life is simply making room. So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive in life sets you up for an important “hello.”

Start over again, and again. – No one wins a game of chess by only moving forward; sometimes you have to move backward to put yourself in a position to win. Think about how this relates to your life. Sometimes when it feels like you’re running into one dead end after another, it’s actually a sign that you’re not on the right path. Maybe you were meant to hang a left back when you took a right, and that’s perfectly fine. Life gradually teaches us that U-turns are allowed. So turn around when you must! There’s a big difference between giving up and starting over in the right direction. And there are three little words that can release you from your past mistakes and regrets, and get you back on track in the year ahead. These words are: “From now on…”

A Daily Challenge for 2018

I sincerely hope you found value in the reminders above. No doubt, they are important to think about. But right now, with 2018 literally knocking hard at the door, these reminders are even more important to act upon. And since taking action is where most of us get hung up, let me ask you a few quick questions…

How many times in the past year has the psychological draw of comfort plagued your best intentions?

How many workouts have you missed in the past year because your mind, not your body, told you that you were too tired?

How many workout reps have you skipped in the past year because your mind, not your body, said, “Nine reps is enough. Don’t worry about the tenth”?

In the past year alone the answer to all three questions is probably dozens for most people, including myself. And obviously these questions can be slightly tweaked and applied to various areas of our lives too. The bottom line is that weakness of the mind combined with lack of action devastates our potential. When we avoid discomfort, nothing worthwhile gets done. And the only way to fix this predicament is daily practice.

Your mind needs to be exercised to gain strength. It needs to be worked on a daily basis to grow. If you haven’t pushed yourself in lots of small ways over time—if you always avoid doing the uncomfortable things—you’ll almost certainly crumble on the inevitable days that are harder than you expected. (Note: Angel and I build small, uncomfortable, life-changing daily habits with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)

So, my challenge to you in 2018 is this:

Choose to go to the gym when it would be more comfortable to sleep in. Choose to do the tenth rep when it would be more comfortable to quit at nine. Choose to create something special when it would be more comfortable to consume something mediocre. Choose to raise your hand and ask that extra question when it would be more comfortable to stay silent. Choose to stand your ground when it would be more comfortable to fit in. Just keep proving to yourself, in lots of little ways every day, that you have the guts to get in the ring and wrestle with life. And reference the list of 18 above anytime you feel like you’re slipping off track.

Comments

I really appreciate the way you frame this post around the concept of doing uncomfortable things. And your fourth point on doing the hard things really reinforced the whole premise of this article in my mind. Yes, I avoid uncomfortable, hard things all the time, and most of the time they are tasks or actions that would absolutely move my life a step in the right direction.

Anyway, M&A, thank you for this reminders. Your coaching and teachings continue to improve my mindset and quality of life. I will see you two in San Diego at Think Better Live Better 2018! I just got tickets for me and my daughter. I thought about going last year, but discomfort scared me off. Not this time though! 🙂 Happy holidays!

Last Christmas my sister bought me your book, which is how I found your amazing blog. And now here I am a year later, finally leaving you a comment to say THANK YOU. I’ve been an avid reader of your emails and blog ever since, and I’ve even gone through your Getting to Happy course, and this past year has honestly been one of the most productive years for my mental heath and wellness. I think your point #6 here is a perfect, super-quick summary that relates directly to the deep changes and shifts I’ve made this year.

Thank you, again, Marc and Angel. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and everyone who comments regularly here.

I’m so glad I checked my email today and saw the message that linked to this blog post. Such a thought-provoking read in preparation for the upcoming New Year. I especially appreciate the balance you convey between bullet points 9 and 10. I really need to schedule more time for those who matter most to me, and one of those people is ME. I’m putting a plan in action for 2018 to make this happen. I’m not going to regret this again next year.

Outstanding! It’s like you followed me around in 2017. I mean everything is on point! And I’m ordering book and trying to get tickets for SD. Nothing more right on the mark. Merrry Christmas and Haapy New Year I’m all in and most of all thank you I appreciate it.

Marc and Angel do you talk to God directly? Very informative material WAOOOH!!!!! Am not getting tired of reading. I started reading some articles in the morning, and now it’s been many hours. May God abundantly give you more material to write. Its a talent. Thank you so so much

Thank you so much for this entire article: every point resonates with me but if I had to choose one it would be #17 Saying goodbye so you can say hello! I just ended a 15 year relationship and it is the most painful thing I think I ever had to do. Now I truly understand that that situation and that person was not good for my personal growth! Out with the old and in with the new!

Thank you both so much for this…. looking forward to a happy, healthy, prosperous new year!

Again and again Thanking u for making a difference 🙏 Wishing u a merry Christmas and a very healthy and peaceful new year….🎄 missing San Diego in Feb but 🙏 ti make it happen in attending your next one in Miami. My love and appreciation always! Perla

What a wonderful reminder to keep in mind when we are counting down the last few days of the year. The 18 uncomfortable things to start doing for yourself in the year ahead is a good guideline to reference when I get off track. After reading your article I did notice that I avoided many things because I talked myself out of doing it. No more! This is the year that I prove to myself that “I matter.” Thank you!
Have a wonderful Holiday!

I wish I could afford to go to San Diego. I miss it, used to live in Pacific Beach. Your emails over the last year have inspired me to make a lot of changes in my thinking.
Thank You and Happy Holidays

Dear Marc and Angel
Just “Thank You”. And a Beautiful Christmas to you and your family. I wish you many blessings as you have been a blessing to me and so many people! I hope and trust that you know that!
Joanna

wow, am humbled to be part of this Great inspiration. its been a year since i subscribed to Your daily emails and believe me I have never been the same Again. While going through these 18 Steps, i felt challenged, it seemed like you have been trailing me this whole time And reminder 18 has Set me going for 2018. thanks Mac and Angel. Happy holidays.

Birthdays always make me more contemplative, and so I found this on just the right day. I know I am definitely guilty of taking the comfortable way out, of doing the lazy thing because the world doesn’t end when I do. But when life moves on, closer and closer to the last day, I realise that whilst the world might not actually end, it’s not very exciting or interesting or fulfilling either. I’ve realised that there is no inherent meaning or purpose to life other than what we choose to give to it, and so it is up to me to decide, over and over, every day, what I want my life to mean, what I want to do with it, even if that changes from day to day. I just need to work on this tiredness thing so that I have the energy to keep moving forward, however small the steps.

I guess “want less and appreciate more” resonates with me the most right now. The challenge is that wanting less and appreciating more can feel like “settling for less” sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong, there are moments that life seems very beautiful, but often it looks like I have to downgrade my hopes or expectations in order to get to a space of gratitude.
For example, I have met this amazing person, who already has a very positive influence on my life. Due to circumstances it will most likely never go beyond friendship–which is already great. But after meeting this person, how could I ever “settle” for a relationship with anyone less amazing? Even though it doesn’t seem totally rational, the only way seems to be to convince myself I don’t deserve to be with someone that wonderful.

Mark, there are so many amazing people out there, not just one! You deserve the best, and if you convince yourself that you only deserve the best..the best will come. It may not be the one you wrote about, you may not be their best but you are someone’s. Stay positive and keep looking and keep knowing you are enough!

Hi, my husband of 20 committed suicide almost 6 yrs ago. We were happily married, sadly without children, and there were no drugs or alcohol in our lives. However he did have ongoing problems with depression. Since then I’ve received very little support from my mother and siblings. They were ok for the first 6 months, but after that they have added unsessasary stress on top of unimaginable pain and grief. Not one of them have bothered to educate themselves on suicide grief for the remaining spouse. Their collective bullying, lack of understanding ( forget sympathy empathy or compassion, that’s way beyond them ) attempts of manipulation and control has had me in hospital 3 times.
With the help of my therapist I have faced my biggest fear, and that is the fear of being alone. And I have overcome it.
I can now see my family for who they are, and my mother in particular. We never bonded when I was a baby, ( I was premature and in a incubator for 9 weeks, then she left me with her parents for another few? Weeks. They lived 1.5 hours drive away ) It’s obvious to me I’ve had abandonment issues throughout my whole life. I also believe my mother has never liked me. Pls read Peg Streep. I have always lacked self confidence and self esteem. This is a result if the mother constantly undermines or belittles their child, and / or withholds physical affection and / or is mentally and emotionally detached and dismissive. My mother was all of the above, and still is.
The first five years was a unbelievable horror roller coaster of emotions. I tried to drink myself to death for the first 3 years, the next 2 yrs were a bit better, and this year has been a revelation. I cut all contact with my Mother and 2 toxic sisters, stopped drinking totally and started to look after myself physically as I did before all of this happened.
I can now stand tall on my own and if I ever see my mother again, I can look her in the eye and tell her that I can see her for what she is.
Next year I shall start to see a clinical psychologist to help me with PTSD and shattered assumptions in the hope that I will be able to move on, have hope in life, and learn to trust again.
I feel I truly know myself these days, I understand my past reactions to life’s events have been dictated by my mother’s conditioning of me. I believe I am a better stronger person for the lessons life have given me.

Thanks for sharing your struggle, wow. So glad to hear you are doing better. Life is often not fair and for some it’s really off the charts unfair as you found out. Good to see that you are becoming a better and stronger person. It really hurts when family is not there during difficult times. Can’t understand that. I’ve heard that parents that lost children find support and understanding from others that have lost children as well. Perhaps talking with others who have lost a spouse to suicide would help you as well.
Take care and God bless you!!!

I am still growing and learning everyday. Last year I wanted to call my mother more often…to do the uncomfortable thing…to maybe make a better relationship. She had said that I should call her more and I had said that she could also call me more. I did. She didn’t.
This year, I realize I need to call her only when I feel emotionally stable enough to hear whatever it is she might say. In the midst of a decent conversation she always manages a comment the is cruel and unnecessary. Of course that’s the thing, the one thing I remember.
Thank you for your encouragement and suggestions. They are helpful, very helpful.

Back in July, I quit my well paying job in corporate world, moved to my parents retirement home in the mountains and embarked on a journey of homeschooling my kids for a year. It’s been an unforgettable experience through and through, and most of the points mentioned in your article resonate so well with me! I’m a very determined person and I just knew that corp America wasn’t my thing. Now I’m on a path of figuring out what I want to do when I grow up 🙂
For the record, I haven’t missed many workouts in 2017, that’s something that I stick to religiously, and I’ve been doing lots of running and working out on my own. Clearly, it’s something that I am passionate about, and I’m thinking of how I can incorporate it into my future profession/calling! 🙂
Happy 2018 and keep on sending these great emails and blog posts!

Love this. Your posts are always very inspirational. This is a great reminder going into the new year. The idea of getting out of your comfort zone/not having regrets later stuck with me from this post.

No. 14 is hard. I have two non-hurtful people in my life, that’s all. That leaves a very small social group for me with just two others. Other people are either hurtful or very distant, not really connecting with me. I try hard to make friends but each time I’m rejected, I retreat a bit more and a bit more until I don’t bother anymore.

Hi Marc & Angel
Wow, I love this website. My friend sent me a link to your article:-
Five Rules for turning Endings into New Beginnings. Having just recently walked away from the love of my life I find myself in a strange place, numb, heartbroken, angry, frightened. Life never ceases to amaze me, you just don’t see things coming! So thanks for creating this wonderful website, it gives me hope!

Love what you represent and how you inspire, push, engage and pull no punches!! I read your work daily and incorporate anything that makes sense; every message is not just TIMELY, but just . . . in . . . time . . .

Keep doing this important work and continue to keep it HUMAN (not not socioeconomic-based, gender-based, not ethnicity-based, BUT HUMAN [there’s something here for all of us; whether we know it yet or not . . .])

As usual, M&A, your writing is simply amazing. I always feel so lifted every time I read your blog. This year I have stepped completely out of my comfort zone and I have to remind myself to keep going no matter. Sometimes its so hard because happiness and a peace of mind is very important to me. Thank you for this!!

Nothing can be better than this. Following you gives so much inner strength each and every points seems like are related to me. May 2018 brings joy and happiness in everyone’s life.
Thank you and keep rocking your blog.