Fatherhood
has changed dramatically in
the era of divorce and out of
wedlock births, and much attention
has been paid to two unfortunate
products of this era—the absent
father and the deadbeat dad.
However, there is another type
of father this era has produced,
one which has received very
little attention—the hero father.

According
to the Children's Rights Council,
a Washington-based advocacy
group, more than five million
American children each year
have their access to their noncustodial
parents interfered with or blocked
by custodial parents. Behind
that statistic are legions of
heroic divorced or separated
fathers who fight a long, hard
but generally unrecognized battle
to remain a meaningful part
of the lives of the children
who love them and need them.

Some
hero fathers move repeatedly
to be near their children. In
the controversial case
of DeBrenes v. Traub, Eric
Traub had already moved to new
cities twice in order to be
near his daughter when he was
forced to conduct a lengthy
and expensive legal struggle to
prevent her from being moved
to Costa Rica. As is typical,
the court allowed the move.
Traub’s determination paid off,
however, as the now teenaged
girl became so set against the
move that her mother, to her
credit, dropped the request.

Most
fathers are not so fortunate.
In a recent California Supreme
Court case, Gary LaMusga, who
operates a business in Northern
California, fought for eight
years to prevent his two young
sons from being moved to Ohio,
2,000 miles away. He eventually
won, but his victory was a pyrrhic
one because his children had
already been moved out of state
in violation of court orders.
In the strange world of
modern family law, even
with the new decision his children will
not be moved back.

While
divorced dads are unfairly stigmatized
as stingy, some noncustodial
fathers raise their children
in their homes but still pay
child support to the children’s
mothers. Many others never ask
for child support. In the face
of a family court system which
usually grants mothers a monopoly
of power over children, these
fathers must buy or rent their
children back. When mothers
allow their children to live
with their fathers—or send them
there because they’ve become unruly
or inconvenient—fathers often
won’t challenge custodial
and financial arrangements because
they fear doing so will mean
they’ll be pushed out of their
children’s lives.

Other
fathers endure physical abuse
at the hands of their wives
but remain in the relationships
because they know that divorce
will leave their children alone
in the custody—usually sole
custody—of an abuser. Decades
of research show that women
are as likely to abuse their
male partners as vice versa,
and that heterosexual men make
up a significant minority of
those suffering injuries in
domestic assaults. However,
gender politics has kept this
research from influencing government
and law enforcement policies.
Many men know that revealing
their wives’ violence usually
means the wife will claim that
she was abused, and the system
will side with her. Fathers
are commonly arrested, punished
or slapped with custody sanctions
for their wives’ violence.

In
one highly publicized case,
Dr. Xavier Caro, a Northridge,
California rheumatologist, endured
years of physical abuse at the
hands of his wife Socorro, who
once assaulted him so badly
he had to have surgery to regain
his sight in one eye. Xavier
stayed in the relationship for
the sake of his kids but his
efforts failed, as Socorro later
shot and killed three of their
four children.

Some
fathers face false charges of
domestic violence or sexual
abuse, which are commonly used
as custody maneuvers in divorce.
Those most vulnerable to these
charges are dads who are their
children’s primary caregivers.
Such charges are often made
to separate these dads from
their children so a new custody
precedent can be set with mothers
as the primary caregivers.

Falsely
accused men often bankrupt themselves
fighting to regain access to
their children. Meanwhile, many
can only see their children
in nightmarish visitation centers
where fathers are treated like
criminals.

Over
the past several decades the
love and devotion of millions
of fathers has been tested in
ways few in previous generations
experienced.

This
column was first published in
the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram
(6/19/05).

Jeffery
M. Leving is one of America's
most prominent family law attorneys.
He is the author of the book
Fathers' Rights: Hard-hitting
and Fair Advice for Every Father
Involved in a Custody Dispute.
His website is
www.dadsrights.com.

Glenn
Sacks is a men's and fathers'
issues columnist. His columns
have appeared in dozens of America's
largest newspapers.