I'm wondering if anyone here with BPD feels similarly... if this is normal, a part of something else, or just me...

My childhood was unstable, turbulent, neglectful, and sometimes abusive. I often say it wasn't that bad, thinking of the individual experiences, but as a whole... it caused a lot of damage, and I think probably contributed to my behavioral and emotional difficulties, whether it is BPD or not.

I have strange memories from when I was very young, maybe 4 years old... which may have been abuse. So it could have started earlier than I know. In any case, there were definitely traumatizing events from the ages of 7 to 14. And I have always felt somehow trapped at this young age, inside. I feel afraid, and incapable... I don't feel like an adult, I don't feel like I can be responsible, or professional. When I'm hurt, or stressed, or something just reminds me of the past... I feel like I'm 8 years old again, and all I want is some kind of parental figure to comfort me. I don't feel like I'll ever really grow up. Even other people can't believe how old I am... and often I have been treated like a child, despite that I am almost nearing 30.

"I have seen too much, felt too much, loved too much in my life; I come to seek, still living, the calm of Lethe. Lovely place, be for me those banks of oblivion: to forget is my only happiness."

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I can kind of relate, but not entirely. I don't think I was abused as a child, but I do have one very very very vague memory of an inappropriate act by a family friend. I don't remember much, it was over before I knew it, and it might even not be true. But I do remember things like where I was standing, what shirt I was wearing, how it felt. I asked my parents about it years later and they said I have too much imagination. So I totally don't know if this happened or not. If it did, I must have taken it the wrong way because in my memory, my parents were there in the same room.

Despite not knowing if this really did happen, or if I just made it up subconsciously, and despite the fact that if it did happen it was not sexual abuse in at all, I do recognise the feeling of being stuck at that age sometimes. Wen it comes to the stress of responsibility, I often feel very helpless. I even feel like it's unfair to expect those responsibilities from me, since nobody wold expect them from an 8-year-old either. I can really act very child-like, and feel like I just want a maternal figure hugging me and holding me and telling me I'm fine.

Always the years between us, Leonard. Always the years, always the love, always the hours.

I can definitely relate. I wasn't really abused as a kid, but my life has been utter chaos from the time I was 6 years old. There were a lot of events that happened when I was that age that were definitely traumatizing. Just like Alexander, I remember what I was wearing, what the room looked like, what I felt, etc when things happened. I know that most of them happened because it happened in front of family, but they just don't know how traumatized I was by the events going on around me, just how I responded. They figured I was a little kid who didn't know what was going on. It all definitely left painful marks on my life.

I definitely feel helpless, too, in a lot of situations. When people tell me, "Oh, you're in your 20s, you should be doing this by yourself," I get really upset. I also feel like I should not be asked to be doing certain things. I am most definitely stuck being 6 years old in a lot of ways...and that's why a lot of people can't relate to me or think I'm weird. I get really dorky like a kid, but coming from a 20 something year old, that's just not normal. It usually comes out the most when I'm upset though.

Beyond Psychotherapy blog: www.beyondpsychotherapy.wordpress.com"I like flaws and am most comfortable around those who have them.I, myself, am made up entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

I can relate also. i feel as thou the company im supposedly working is treating me like child and smaking my hand like i touched a hot stove. . They talk to me like im a child who doesnt understand what being f---ed over means. Im 47 yo. I feel the same way. Im a f--in adult and I want to be treated as such. Nothing worse than when people talk down to you like your a child and not a equal to all

Im also ready for someone to take care of me. I cant keep being the responsible one. I cant do much longer.Hope you feel better.