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Sunday, April 1, 2012

What would you do with all the money in the world?

Yes. I'm broke. As you may have already guessed after reading my flawed plan of robbing a bank. Who was I fooling? I couldn't even afford to pay the Auto-rickshaw fare to the bank(by the meter that too), let alone buying the equipment needed for an Italian job of stealing public money(Sorry, couldn't avoid a very subtle reference to one political figure here. Nudge! Wink!)

So now it's back to dreaming about a lottery that would get me USD 34,643,788,127.75 after tax deductions. I'm just waiting for the rupee to stabilise before I convert these dollars into my favourite currency.

You'll agree that it's a legitimate dream to have. Even if you work for the Income Tax department. You dream of buying a Porsche as a kid. You don't dream of paying taxes, do you?

But the problem I see with such an exercise is I wouldn't know what to do with so much money. Or at least with what ever is left after buying that flat in Hyde Park, a 100m-long Yacht, putting a fair amount in fixed deposits, recurring deposits, demat accounts, mutual funds, life insurance, house insurance, car insurance, housing loan, car loan, PPF accounts, the taxes for all of the above and then answering every call from the HDFC call centre with a "Yes, I'd like to invest in that savings plan. How much should I write the cheque for? Is that the most I can pay? no? What is?"

Yes, it's true. This would be the case for anyone from any walk of life. After all, why walk when you have a chauffeur-driven private jet. No more worrying about the electricity bill, especially when you can buy out a power plant. No more telephone bills, when you own both, the company that manufactures the phone and also the service provider. No more water problems. Hell! You could simply order for a glacier to be delivered home every fortnight. And on a weekly basis when you are entertaining guests.

Well, money cant buy happiness. But then I'm guessing it's a lot better to feel miserable when I suffer a bout a diarrhea during my midweek escapade to my private continent that's east of Australia, because the Oysters were cooked in a wine that's 212 years old and the Kopi Luwak was a touch too strong. Oh and before I forget - look, my USD 74 Million Boeing Business Jet is bigger than yours.