Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) – A congressional report warning that U.S. air traffic control is vulnerable to computer attack proved true today, as hackers broke into several control center computers, wreaking havoc on the airline industry by causing planes to land safely and on time.

“Our systems are not designed for this kind of reckless, irresponsible efficiency,” stressed Delta Airlines spokesman Dan Ryan who, like other airline executives, said he would go to Washington to meet with the FAA. “Until these individuals are stopped, we cannot guarantee… oh damn, my plane’s here already. I’ve got to go. This is lunacy.”