Your Honesty – even if you are wrong at some point, try to be honest and confess the blunder. SHARE EVERYTHING – This means that whatever happens in your life , after your family she is the one who has all rights to know. PROVE HER THAT YOU TRUST HER TOO – Just don’t keep expecting, first do all those things that you expect from her and you’ll see how easily and smoothly your love would grow. NEVER BREAK YOUR PROMISES – Well, we all at some point hear the quotation “ Promises are meant to be broken “ never use or stick to this crap when you are in a relationship, stick to your words and promises.
PATIENCE IS ALL YOU NEED EVEN WHEN SHE’S WRONG – Nobody’s perfect, she is also a human after all. MAKE SOME NOTICABLE CHANGES – Every now and then we need some fun element so do that for her. DON’T FORGET THE LITTLE THINGS – If you desire to earn that special someone’s trust, the devil’s in the details.
KEEP YOUR BFF’S PRIVATE – Well this happens to be the thing that ruins most of relationships. DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE – The most important way to earn someone’s trust is to never make the offending mistake again. BE A BESTFRIEND FIRST – Try to understand her so that she loves you and does not take the relationship as a burden. ALWAYS MAKE SURE SHE’S YOUR FIRST PRIORITY – Girls always want attention, and when it happens to be her boyfriend she needs all the priority and attention. Watch: This Man Just Turns A Normal Old Table Into Something Amusing By Using Old Pennies!! But my then-boyfriend was screaming at me, saying I was lying about where I’d been, and accusing me of cheating on him.
He insisted that if I really cared about him, I would’ve stayed in constant contact instead of making him wonder where I was. It seems like nothing you once relied on to understand the world around you – your memory, your sensory experiences, your intuition – is as trustworthy as you once thought. And it was this disconcerting state of being that was once my constant reality – not only when I was in a tumultuous relationship with my abusive ex-boyfriend, but for a long time after that relationship ended. Gaslighting refers to when someone tries – intentionally or not – to overwrite your memories or perceptions. It can be a parent telling you that you’re “oversensitive” your whole life, shutting down your understandably emotional reactions to situations that were hard to deal with as a child.
You may feel like you’ve lost your sense of self – like you need someone else to confirm that your perception is correct before you trust that anything you believe is true. This burden is a terrible one to carry, and you deserve to be free from it so you can trust yourself again. I’ve had many ups and downs, and pulling myself out of the dizzying effects of gaslighting has been one of the most difficult parts.
But one of the surprises that gave me the most hope is the realization that I’ve got more tools for recovering my sense of reality than I ever imagined. I’d like to share some of the unexpected things that have helped me recover my truth, my reality, and my trust in myself. I hope you find some of these ideas useful as you heal from the painful impact of gaslighting. All I could think was that my own mistakes got me in that terrifying situation in the first place. Immediately after our relationship ended, I was sure that the only way to recover from this was to be absolutely sure that everything I did was the “right” thing to do. Over time, I realized my self-imposed pressure to be perfect was actually a lingering effect of trauma. And making mistakes was far from a sign that something was “wrong” with me – it was simply a sign that I’m human. So, for a while, I was pretty indecisive, which was fine – but I was indecisive because I thought I didn’t know what was right or wrong.
When I was with my ex, every choice I made was under scrutiny – and every single one could later be twisted to blame me for something that went wrong.
He’d say he blew up at me in public because I “made” him go out, denying that going out was his idea in the first place. So, as it turns out, a surprisingly simple way to start recovering was finding affirmation in the choices I make for myself.
You can start small, recognizing that by making everyday choices, you’re trusting yourself in a way you were never allowed to do when you were being gaslit.

Rather than focusing on whether your choices are “right” or “wrong,” try trusting that your intuition – the protective wisdom you already have within you – will help you figure out what’s best for you. Being unable to remember what happened is also a response to trauma that’s normal, common – and perfectly okay. Recalling and recognizing the terrible things I’ve been through is part of my healing process. In those moments, it helps to remind myself that my ex’s emotional manipulation actually overwrote my own perceptions. Getting angry or sad or fearful in response to mistreatment or injustice makes perfect sense.
And allowing yourself to feel what you really feel – instead of burying your emotions under shame – can be profoundly healing. I used to think that caring about someone who treated me so badly meant that I “let” the abuse happen.
Partly because, if nothing else, intimate partner violence is a pattern of power and control that’s a lot more complicated than simply “letting” abuse happen. And also because the qualities that society associates with being a “pushover” are, frankly, bullshit.
Our culture sets up a false dichotomy between being “strong” and being a victim of violence. For me, internalizing these messages looked like doubting that my partner’s emotional abuse, such as gaslighting, really counted as part of the violence. But these same qualities are also related to empathy, and compassion, and the tendency to look out for others. If you’re in the self-blaming cycle of believing you deserved to be abused because of something “wrong” with you, I hope you can take a moment to appreciate yourself instead.
Reframing your thinking to see your vulnerability as strength, rather than weakness, can help you escape the cycle of self-blame and move through a cycle of healing. Instead of believing your vulnerabilities put you in a position to be abused, think of it this way: Someone took advantage of your positive qualities, which is not your fault. But now that I know what gaslighting is, I realize it can show up in a variety of ways – even in our everyday cultural norms that we don’t think of as abusive. Although this is frustrating, recognizing that it’s happening actually helps me deal with it.
So, rather than setting an unrealistic end goal of being “healed” by being happy all the time, try thinking of recovering from gaslighting as an ongoing process. The lessons I’ve shared here took time for me to learn, and I still struggle with them every day. Perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned that the opposite of being gaslit is trusting my intuition.
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Your soul-mate is somebody who understands you , loves you , cares for you and supports you in your thick and thins. Your partner will find out about everything you do and you will be answerable for the things that are not acceptable when you are in a relationship. She has all rights to get annoyed but slowly and gradually she will understand you, appreciate your honesty even if she doesn’t mention this and in return start loving you even more.
If you know that your loved one is preparing for a huge presentation at work or has been having family troubles, be there in any way possible. It’s not bad to have a bff when you are in a committed relationship but still keep those matters as private as possible.
Once your special someone indicated wanting to see you again, you should plan a small picnic with homemade goodies.
Whether you’ve lied, cheated, or stuck your nose in places it shouldn’t have been (or all three!), you have to put your past to rest if you want your loved one in your future. Lots of people have experienced this form of emotional abuse, and many of them don’t even know it. And I hope you can connect with your own wisdom that has already helped you survive – and will continue to help you find the safety and happiness you deserve.
I wondered if I really did have terrible decision-making skills, or an unreliable memory that made me unsure of what I really wanted.
Big choices still felt intimidating for a while, but the more I took the time to celebrate the little things, the more I felt capable of making more significant decisions.