The Lemon Clot Essay- IF YOU ARE PLANNING TO HAVE PEOPLE OVER AFTER BIRTH YOU NEED TO READ THIS!

You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your father's parents see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge bloodclot coming out"... in front of them? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized?

How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it.

Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding.

Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you.

When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your dh think it will be okay for his dad to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless?

What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap?

Does your DH normally allow people to invite themselves over to visit you guys without even ASKING? You guys are setting yourselves up for a lifetime of this. Then you will be blamed when you try to tell them that it is not a good time for you.

Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??

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Who Can Even be on the List to be Considered to Stay at Your Home After Childbirth by Sharon1964

You know, nobody gets to stay in your home after birth unless they are helpful. So is his mother going to.... wash your bloody underwear in the sink? Clean and disinfect your toilet and perhaps the bathroom floor after you spend time in there? Clean up lemon size blood clots that come out of your vagina if you need help? Get hot washcloths and lay them on your naked engorged breasts? Hold a cold wet washcloth on the back of your neck when you break out in a sweat all over?

Is she going to cook for you and clean for you and do the laundry, and make sure you are stocked with diapers and wipes and clean blankets? Is she going to allow you to breastfeed in private in your own living room by either going to her room or going outside? Is she going to allow you to pick up your own crying baby? Is she going to ASK you if you would like her to get the baby for you since you may be sore? Is she going to disappear when you want alone time with your new baby and your husband? Is she going to refrain from giving you advice but instead ask you what you need?

And what's his dad going to do? Is he going to cut the grass and take out the garbage and make runs to the store for juice and milk? Is he going to wash the car or walk the dog or change the cat litter box?

LOVE IT! I don't want ANYONE in our home for the first few weeks. I will take baby to MIL's house once I feel up to it unless she's willing to take care of my live-in disabled mother while I tend to baby.

As for FIL he's talking about making the 19 hr move down here. HELLS TO THE NO! I agreed to move here to get AWAY from him. This man made our lives a living hell when we were back home. He wants to move here BEFORE the baby is born so that he can "help". My ass, that man's version of helping is to sit there and criticize DH and I EVERY SINGLE MOVE. He always find it completely and totally apporpriate to just WALK IN our house and straight to our bedroom if the door is left unlocked. If its locked he will bang like the cops for as long as it takes to answer. We tested this one and he was steady banging 3 times every 2 min for an hour and a half!!

Yeah, I'm printing these and making signs out of them and putting them on both back and front doors. Also I'm getting huge signs (houses in this area are 3 car widths apart) saying "Newborn is home. GO AWAY! Yeah, this means you, turn around, walk away. DO NOT COME BACK UNLESS INVITED!" lol

So good and so true! I think as a FTM with my dd I had no idea how much stuff would be coming out of me after I gave birth!! I think I bled for a month... Maybe two.

And bfing is SO so so hard. My mom and my mil were both staying at the house and my SIL and BIL all paraded through almost every other day! It sucked having to take my dd to the nursery with every feeding - which were about 20 a day - to struggle and stress and fight with a newborn to feed her all because I didn't know who was going to walk through my door next. And I didn't want either of the mothers staring and offering advice. My mil knows nothing about bfing and there's nothin I hate more than advice from my own mother. That's why I stayed at the hospital an extra day, for the lactation nurses!

All I wanted to do was get the hang of bfing, figure out how to change a diaper in under 5 min, sleep and look at my baby girl.

At the hospital I highly recommend no one in the delivery room but DH, spend at least 2 hrs with just your baby and SO before you even let anyone in. And make a very very small allowed guest list. And tell them when you're tired. I got no sleep in the hospital. None! Then when you get home don't let people visit you for at least 2 weeks, unless they're bringing you food or coming to clean your house and do your laundry. If all they want to do is hold your baby then they're not allowed.

My DS had to stay in NICU for 15 days and I was visiting 4 times a day to nurse for 30 mins and 2 times a day with DH, after I left the hospital. I was at the hospital for 8 hours a day (in & out the NICU) - 4 in the morning and 4 in the afternoon. The rest of the time I was either at home or at the hospital's cafeteria alone (DH had to work since day 1). I was all emotional and cried on and off!!! And I practically couldn't walk (pubic symphysis diastasis). My in laws live 300 miles away, so we told them that they should come when we would have the baby at home (I really wanted my privacy, visiting the baby, crying, pumping milk to bring to NICU for LO). The day I left the hospital, they show up (after a brief visit to my DH's brother) and stayed with us (they said they wanted to be near the baby and me...)! Neither them or my BIL thought that they should stay at his place and visit when I was up to it! One day I was so miserable because I couldn't see or nurse LO (he had relapsed overnight), I couldn't stop crying. I remember I showed up at DH's work instead of going home (went through so much pain), because I didn't want them to see me!!! I felt like I had to consider their feelings first and not upset them and then my own... They are quite old and did nothing at all in the house; DH once asked his mother why she let me vacuum while I couldn't even stand up straight, and she said "she just did it, what could I do?". DH is so considerate and caring and supportive, but didn't have the strength to send his parents away... They are really nice people and love me very very much (they were trully worried), but when they visit, it's as if I have 2 more babies in the house; they feel uncomfortable even to move from the couch out of fear of doing something inappropriate, they never touch a cabinet or the fridge! I love them, but they are not staying again during the first weeks of a new baby! Or anyone else...

Learned of this post from dec 14 board someone mentioned in a thread--as FTM I found it very enlightening! I don't want a parade of people coming through, so post gave very good reasons in case DH or others wonder why I feel that way