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There Will Be Spreadsheets

Things were rather crapful, healthwise, in the last six weeks of 2010. I was about as mindful as bulldozer! While there was some brilliant bits (good times with friends and family, progress on a groovy new web project) but there were also very messy bits – workplace madness, my 6th major cold of the year and the re-emergence of that old self-destructive streak. I dropped the ball completely and just did not have any interest in looking after myself. I took to hiding in the bath tub with the bubbles a foot high so I could pretend I didn't have a body. Next thing my rubbish bin was jangling with the sound of foil wrappers from chocolate coins and the size 18 dress I reluctantly wore for a summer wedding was now too tight to wear to a party. D'oh.

I've come out the other side now after a couple of weeks off work and some time to rest and think. I learned so much in 2010 with the shrink visits and mindfulness stuff – many lightbulbs went off. But I wasn't able to translate those lightbulbs into meaningful, lasting changes.

The missing element was a plan. It's not enough to realise you have work to do – you have to figure out how the hell you're going to do it. Otherwise I could see myself muddling on forever, slightly more aware of why I do the things I do, but still bloody doing them!

So it was time for action. I spent Boxing Day mapping out a wee strategy. I thought I'd talk about the lard-related bits of it on here…

Food DiaryYeah, that old chestnut! But it works for me. When I acknowledge and document what I eat, I'm thoughtful with my choices and more likely to tune into hunger signals. When I don't, I do okay for a while but then I get sloppy with portion sizes, then unhealthy choices creep in, then it's "quick, noone's looking!" mode, then the slide into all-out denial.

All year the shrink tried to get me to fill in a diary and I never stuck with it. I don't know if it was because a) I didn't want her to see how bad my "mistakes" could be (interesting to seek the approval of someone you're paying), or b) I didn't want to acknowledge what I was eating, because it might mean giving up the fleeting diversion of eating rubbish. Maybe both?

I've realised since, that I just have to buckle down and DO IT, but in a way that suits me. Which leads us to…

The SpreadsheetThe food diary is a Google Docs spreadsheet. It's inspired by the paper Food/Mood journal the shrink gave me, but I'm finding it so much easier to update on the computer or phone. One row per day with columns for meals and observations. The document is shared with a good friend who's on a similar path – we have a tab each and check in on the other's progress daily so theres no scope for slacking off. And so on to…

Accountability & Real World SupportGetting help from a professional is great but in many ways it's an expensive way of talking to yourself. You can dump all your woes in the session, walk out of the office and kind of leave it there and not really do anything with it back in the "real world".

I've always been most successful when I'm open about my eating struggles with those closest to me. My recent strategy of trying to fix things myself and pretending all was okay did not work, and was no doubt unconvincing for my loved ones as I slowly inflated before their very eyes.

So I've had some conversations with my nearest and dearest along the lines of, "Well, obviously I've been struggling a wee bit here. This is what I'm planning to do about it. Do you reckon you might like to buddy up on a food diary/go somewhere healthier for lunch/eat at the table instead of on the couch/etc etc etc?". Simple things, low key support, but for someone who has not wanted to acknowledge what was really going on to herself, let alone out loud to others, it was huge step forward. It had been very lonely on Planet Denial.

PlanningI'm back to the good old weekly meal planning. There's a spreadsheet for that too! Healthier meals but not boring, single spear of asparagus and a glass of air diet food. Normal, everyday food but remembering I don't need a mountain of rice and that toast doesn't have to come in pairs. This is becoming less of a drama each day now that I'm getting back to…

MindfulnessThe mindful eating tools and techniques I'd adopted last year were really helpful. I'd just stopped using them! So it's back to things like: tuning in to hunger levels before and during eating, putting my food on a plate and sitting down to eat it, exercising for enjoyment not punishment, etc etc etc.

CommittmentI've got a combination of practical and mindful tactics, accountability measures and support. I'm ready to tackle this now. The black dog is back in his kennel! Unlike a year ago, addressing my eating now is not a diversion – the "designated issue" as Martha Beck calls it – because I've worked on the bigger issues.

That's enough baby steps for now, I reckon. Are you still awake?

Disclaimer: My pal Lainey is always bemused when I put disclaimers on my blog but I should show her the emails I get from folks insisting, "you're doing it wrong". So I'm disclaiming that this is the plan of action I have come up with based on what worked in the past combined with what I've learned since about my wily ways. I'm giving it a red hot go (one week down) and will reassess at the end of the month. Yee-ha!

67 thoughts on “There Will Be Spreadsheets”

Can I share your spreadsheet with you? I gave you the Google spreadsheet idea, right? C’mon…. I need the support. I think your approach seems spot on.

Earlier today I was visualizing putting on some clothes and having them be loose. This because I — in my imagination — had been making healthier choices. I’d been eating more whole foods, nutritional foods, etc. and less junk. It was so empowering, this thought that I could feel my clothes getting looser. I think that means I’m not meant to step on the scale, because that gives me anxiety that fuels eating junk. Anyway… just some thoughts.

Glad to hear your plan, Shauna. And glad to hear from you, I miss you when you’re gone! Good luck with the plan, I’ve taken to tracking my food online (with Weight Watchers) after trying the pen and paper route for two years. I’m finding it much more fun, for some reason, and I’m sticking to it much more easily. And it only took two years to figure that one out! Feel free to reach out for support here as well, you know we’re all here to listen. Best wishes for 2011!

I like your plan and may adopt elements for myself. I always find if I write things down I make healthier choices but now I’ve stopped WW (didn’t like the changes they’d made) I don’t have access to my online tracker anymore. A spreadsheet is obviously the way forward!

This sounds like a grand plan to me for what it’s worth. Food diaries are tough and I don’t think you’re normal if the thought of keeping one doesn’t bring up some shape of ‘do I have to?’ thoughts. But as you say, they really do work.

So glad to hear that your black dog is back in his kennel. Here’s to a fabulous (and planned) 2011!

That’s a swell plan you’ve got there, missy! I’m in a similar situation and it’s quite liberating to rely on what *you know* works/doesn’t work for you and customize your own plan from there on out. Takes off some of the pressure and makes things seem way more feasible. Best of luck and I look forward to your next update!

I think your 2010 was a lot like mine (including the denouement at the end.) But it was probably the best year in terms of making progress with the “designated issues” that I’ve ever had. Wasn’t 100% “successful” in terms of how I used to calculate health/body success, but I’m looking at it as an excellent staging exercise for the rest of my life.

Just found your blog today and I love it. I’m Brazilian but have been living in England for 6 years. During that period I have put on almost 30 kgs. Since September 2010 I have been trying to get healthier and happier. So far I have lost 15 kgs! I love your spreadsheet idea. Have a happy and healthy 2011.
Marcela

I love your plan, and I love how energized you sound as you write about it. I too have been feeling energized the last few days as I’ve started work on getting rid of this holiday gain and then some. It is nice, isn’t it?

I’ve fallen off the wagon myself over the past couple of months. But tonight is my first roller derby practice of 2011, and I’m taking part in the Roller Derby Workout Challenge on Facebook. Several of the gals on the team are taking part, so we can cheer each other on.

Good luck with the colds too…they kind of drag you down eh? I’ve only NOT had a cold for 2 out the last 10 weeks and am now on my 4th. Today I am nursing my husband who coughed so hard (cold no. 2) that he had a hernia – he got out of hospital yesterday.

I’ve put on loads of weight with the colds…I’ve figured the only thing that makes me feel better is eating! Whoops and snap on the size 18.

Oh well onwards and upwards, I’ll get over this one and get back in the gym and carry on with my sensible, healthy low carb eating. Meanwhile I have friends coming over for dinner and we are going to have an unabashedly greedy gorgeous dim sum feast!

Just to add….the hunger gauging doesn’t work for me, I’ve a ragingly addictive personality and am pure and simple addicted to food and overeating. I need to address this I think rather than any deep psychological issues. Have you ever looked at what Gillian Riley says about it?

Hi Shauna – love your writing. Wishing you strength and success this year. We all have our battles and it’s great if we can mobilise to attack. I have started blogging ‘small-time’ in the WW community – using it to be mindful and committed to my weight loss needed over the next few months.

Also I got a slow cooker for Christmas – not got beyond beef and chicken casserole yet – both lovely & so tender… will be sure to pass on any great recipes I get. Take care xx

Just have to second the committment to keeping a food diary – that makes all the difference for me. Thank heavens Spark People created a smart phone app – now I have no excuse to not track what I’m eating, whether I’m at home or not!

Sounds like a fantastic plan lovely Shauna! I reached a similar place with the ‘mindfulness’ – makes sense in theory but putting it into regular practise can be so hard. How do you always manage to put into words everything I’ve been thinking but can’t quite express?

Good luck Shauna The hardest part is always those first bloody weeks, isn’t it? I always fall down when other, unrelated heath issues crop up and it’s far easier to get pizza (again) than cook vegetables. But I have been using the mindful eating you mentioned and have not gained in those times, so that’s another skill under my belt!

Happy new year Shauna! I have been reading your blog for a while now, and it kinda seemed like you lost your voice there, for a little bit. I hope this plan works out for you and that 2011 will be wonderful.

Shauna, I was so interested to read your blog post as I think I am in the same place as you. I’m terrified to sound like Tony Blair but my growing suspicion is that (for some of us) there is some kind of happy ‘third way’ between ‘mindful eating’ and ‘dieting’. I think for people who have eaten crazily one way or another for most of their lives it is genuinely helpful to have some kind of planning system to keep things on an even keel (systemic eating, spreadsheet eating???). This does not mean dieting, cutting calories, demonising foods or what have you but just having a broad structure in place that gives clarity as to how to approach each day without going too far in one direction or another. My experience so far is that when I use the wisdom behind mindful eating to make choices, and then write it all down and be honest about where the limits are, this somehow lessens issues of guilt and confusion and I feel so much calmer. And I really enjoy what I eat. Maybe unstructured mindful eating will come down the track, but for now I genuinely think that my background and personality suits a more combined approach. Baby steps as you say, but I’m managing well so far. Best of luck and thanks so much for your wonderful blog.

Hi Shauna,
Thank you for posting this. It really mirrors something I’ve been experiencing, which is that when I “went mindful” (or intuitive or whatever) I also lost a lot of the good habits I’d developed, things that really helped me. I felt obligated to stop doing them because of the “no dieting” mantra of the intuitive eating book. It took me several months to realize that doing some planning and journaling are NOT incompatible with eating mindfully!

As much as people moan about New Year’s resolutions, I always think there’s something a little inspiring about this time of the year, as there is a sense of last year being done, dusted, forgiven, and there being a chance to do a little reinvention. I’m glad you’ve come on here to let us know the score, so we can bust your chops, sorry, support you too, now :o) I for one, have got fed up with my own inability to move forward in the last year, and have likewise had to start being totally honest with myself about what’s going in my gob, so I shall be doing this right alongside you!

Applause, applause! I wish you all the best Shauna – attaining the motivation to “actually do it” is a huge deal and you have had such major success over the years in developing a healthy approach to eating, I know you will succeed again.

It’s not an easy struggle to win. I’ve been battling it my whole life. But I have to tell you that your blog really does continue to inspire. You haven’t given up! You’re still determined to get to where you want to be and work through everything, and just as importantly, you’re able to touch so many people with your writing. So hang in there, and just keep doing what you know works for YOU! Wishing you lots of peace, strength and love for the New Year! :o)

I had a good long talk with myself back in August after a regain of 40 lbs and have remained firmly on track since then. Your story helps me to know how and what to do when I reach maintenance and struggle – go back to the basics of planning and tracking. Well done.

For cold prevention… raw garlic! Dr. Andrew Weil is a fan, and I’ve not been sick for a long long long time… I start to feel that “fragile” feeling of a tickly throat and tickly nose… I quick chop up a clove or two of garlic and swallow it without chewing with a large glass of water standing by.

It may make you woozy for 20 minutes, but after that you should feel fabulous! It is a natural anti-viral and anti-biotic, so good for you!

Hey hey, welcome back!
I was going uh-huh, uh-huh to all of your points.
Mindfulness is very important – I am only now realising how much I want to eat for comfort.
I have also learned that I am afraid of being hungry, and this quite a deep rooted, albeit irrational feeling!
Good luck with the diary. I have not managed to stick to one, but good that it helps you.
I have also learned other good ways to nurture myself – using nice bath/shower oils, painting my toenails and actually wearing some of the pretty clothes that I have.

When I was travelling all over Europe to see my foreign wife-to-be, I was getting colds all the time (not to mention the plague-like situation at work) and I read up on a dead-cheap “hippie” cure

Every few days, I have about a teaspoon of Apple Cider Vinegar (I usually buy Aspill’s with the dark green label from the local supermarket) in a large glass of water. It tastes a bit strong but I haven’t had cold in over 2 years despite my wife and colleagues having major colds at the same time.

ACV also helps or cures other things too – only thing to watch: rinse your mouth afterwards as it’s bad for your teeth if you don’t…and maybe don’t drink it before going out as it may make you pee.

Lots more detail at Earthclinic site.

If you really think you’re doomed to catch a cold (despite ACV) – like you’ve frozen outside and you’re feeling the dreaded “tickle” in your throat, gargling salt water (warm water with table salt mixed it) will kill it well and good.

what do you mean toast doesn’t come in pairs…Oh My God….IT DOES. Why does your toaster have two slots of not to have two pieces of toast? Welcome back and I hope you are feeling stronger. That black dog is always there biting at heels. xx

Sounds like you’re right on target, and I’ve been dealing with similar weight fluctuations. It was frustrating, sad and made me mad as hell that I let weight creep back on after working so hard to lose more than 100lbs.

I too headed back to the “professionals” who I refer to my mental mechanic – I was long overdue for a tune up.

Hi Shauna,
I like your honesty and spirit when you reflect past, present and future. You will do it again and be so proud. There are so many of us in the same situation; your story is always inspirational. Take care of yourself.

Everyone says that maintenance is the hardest part, b/c it is the longest part… I wish you well. My WW leader says motivation is fleeting, but a plan is something you can follow, even on the worst of days. It’s hard work… I know… and I wish you well!! Onward downward!

Happy New Year!
Thanks for a really heart warming and uplifting entry, as ever. Even tho im a total tecnophobe and the thought of a spreadsheet fills me with horror, so much of what you write continues to inspire me, you are a safe port in the midst of food issue mayhem! Knowing the mindful thing is one step, and like you I need to apply it.Im trying to be kinder to myself in 2011,and i wish that for all your readers, on this journey together!

Hi Shauna, I used to read your blog from Australia when I was losing weight back in 2007. Fast forward 4 years and am currently living in the UK, flick on Sky3 tonight and you are on my TV! Good luck with your ongoing journey – take care.

It sounds like a good plan, sensible, thoughtful and based on experience. I will be stealing parts of it for myself as some parts are what have worked for me. I will also be having a go on engaging the “nearest and dearest” too as I’ve never had that option and now do, so thanks for the tip.

Hello! Sounds good about your awareness and your plan, as you say the important bit is getting down do it. I noticed that you are into mindfulness lately, and you also mention below the word commitment. Putting all that together I wondered if you would not benefit from reading an ACT book. ACT stands for Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. It based around mindfulness and more are more therapists are using it. There are loads of selfhelp books out. I am following this myself, not applied to losing weight but to panic disorder. I actually recently lost 35 kilos (weight I put on with the help of anxiety meds). But my journey does not end there, I have a lot more important one. Anyway, good luck with it and Happy New Year 2011! XXX

I don’t often comment on your blog on the basis that you get SO MANY comments that I didn’t want to waste your time reading mine (not that you have to do that of course!). But reading your disclaimer has prodded me into action – this post makes SO MUCH SENSE. Don’t listen to those (freaky) naysayers.

Hurray for plans!!
It might seem a little bit late, but I’m still formulating one – first in my head then on paper. I’m still getting out of the “I want to throw in the towel!!!!!” thing that was in my head the past two weeks. So, as of today I’m back on this never ending road.
Let the fun begin!

You amaze me Shauna – you really do!!! Taking a huge breath and moving on with this journey is always a hard thing but it is something that you do with great humour and dignity. Whatever works for you take it on and run with it!!!! Love reading your progress and I am looking forward to reading more of it during the year.

Sometimes in my thoughts, I binge. I eat an entire bag of potato chips or peanut M&M’s. YUM! Will I ever stop thinking/fantasizing this way? It pisses me off that I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to fight these urges for the rest of my life, or regain the 144 lbs. I’ve lost. And the really scary part is I don’t know if I have the will power to do it. So I keep reading my sweet Diet Girl and she continues to motivate me. Keep up the good work and maybe together we can win this battle. Good Luck!

Hi Shauna, I saw the clip about you on Anne Diamond’s show at the weekend. I started squealing just like when I were 13 and New Kids On the block were on … only now I don’t have a VCR so I couldn’t record it! I really wanted to hug the TV:-) It felt as if an old friend or a family member were on there.
Anyway, just wanted to say that I love your blog, your style, your honesty and your perseverance. I know things have been tough for a while, but I am also convinced that you can make the changes you need. I have been going through tough times myself, which for me always means weight gain. But I try to remind myself of what my Alexander technique teacher says ‘it’s about continuing to give the directions, not about arriving at the right position and keeping it’. (Not sure if that made any sense, but it works best if you say it out loud in an Italian accent;-))

You kick ass lady, just keep doing what you’re doing!!
Kxx
PS. With the danger of sounding completely stalkery, if you ever felt inclined to do a dietgirl meetup in the Big Smoke I can guarantee my attendance:-)

Go you! I also had to remind myself recently to ‘do what has worked in the past’. Whenever I try to get all overly complicated on myself, or decide to do something radical and extreme or ‘start a diet on Monday’, the wheels fall off my healthy lifestyle completely. As you know, I’m a Psych student now and learning about CBT and RBT, which sounds like what you are doing with your shrink. I found the ‘Beck Diet Solution’ to be really good (it’s written by the daughter of the guy that invented CBT). It deals only with the psychological side and can fit with any meal plan.

Hi Shauna, good to hear you have a plan and are looking forward to getting back into it. I do want to ask you how you deal with accountability? That is a big issue for me. For example if I weigh myself on my own scales and they say I’ve lost weight I don’t believe them, but if I get weighed at a fat club then I do- I trust the fat clubs more. Its like I need someone else to validate my efforts and it is that which keeps me motivated. As I can’t afford slimming classes I’m a bit concerned on how I will progress….

Hiya Beakerella! As I mentioned in the post the shared Google spreadsheet and making an effort to let people in on my plans are my current sources of accountability. I think it's a matter of experimenting and seeing what things suit you and help make you feel accountable. Maybe something like getting a friend to witness your weigh-ins if a slimming class isn't affordable?

I’ve recently run into the same advice twice in a row, and I think they’re on to something: at first we diet to escape _from_ something — we don’t want to be fat/unhealthy/unhappy/wear XXL clothes/whatever any more. So that once we lose a certain amount of weight, we get comfortable where we are and lose our drive. The key is to have a goal to work _toward_. You’ve done this in the past with your fitness goals, like running, and with writing your book… maybe it’s time to get a new goal? Then again, this may not be an issue for you. For me, I think it explains why I’ve several times lost large amounts of weight, til I start to approach something society will accept as “normal,” and then put much or all of it back on again. I was running away from unhappiness, but never found a goal to work toward… so I’m mulling over that one as I’ve once again lost a chunk of weight, but don’t want to stall out this time. And you know what’s fun about spreadsheets? Really poring over the data to look for patterns. I’ve always tracked my weight in a spreadsheet, but never looked at it much more than to moan tht things didn’t move as fast as I’d like. But this year I graphed, and studied, and found all kinds of interesting things that helped me to understand _my_ unique pattern, which might not fit someone else’s, or some diet guru’s. Very helpful. And I’ll stop rambling now… Best of luck in the new year!

Totally with you re the data Babs, hehe I think the getting comfortable/not having a goal thing is so true in a lot of cases! Personally I've had no shortage of goals and ambitions (just been quiet about them)… for me not staying at my goal weight was more about not ever believing I'd got there in the first place. It never felt real and being so terrified of gaining weight back became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also the goals I had chosen were always about fear or fear of what other people might think. I was motivated by external things, like "i have to keep the weight off because of my book coming out" or "i have to keep the weight off or my readers will think me a fraud" instead of being motivated by my own desire. So when those "goals" were over, I didn't have strong enough reason, deep down, to take care of myself properly. So I've had to find my own, personal reasons to want to make the effort to do the healthy thing more often than I don't. It has to come from me. Hmmm, rambling here… hope that makes sense!?

I meant to comment as soon as I read this (doing well on my permanent ‘procrastinate less’ resolution!) but just wanted to say this post is great and the need to journal and to share with those around me really struck a nerve.

Shauna, have you ever tried writing out 3 “morning pages” each day? Not necessarily in the morning. They’re the brain child of author Julia Cameron, my hero. I’m not sure what I’d do without them. For 3 lovely, long pages each day, you can write out your most hideous thoughts, or good ones, if you have them. Your hates, your rants, your fears. I find that getting them out on the page shakes them out of my brain and I can be honest…which I can’t easily do in either my real life or the blog world. They’re my therapy. I’ve probably mentioned them before. My war cry seems to be “Morning pages!” I think I must drive people mad with them. They sure do help though.

Woot! Hooray for big, bold plans. I’m with you, tired of pussyfooting around with vague ideas and ready to do some good, old-fashioned work. I am trying to remember that i didn’t waste all that time, that i learned a lot of things that will help me this go-round. Here’s to all of our success in 2012!

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I'm Shauna, an Aussie writer in Scotland. From 2001-2013 I blogged my lard busting adventures here at Dietgirl. More »