Tag Archives: relationship

Time for a long overdue update.

I have discovered and learnt all sorts of things since coming across the YouTube community. (Within this ‘YouTube community’, I include Twitter, BlogTV and all those other inter-related communication networks.) I’ve met amazing people through them and been to places that I’d never have gone to. I’ve made friends of all ages and now communicate with people from all over the world. In other blogs I’ve talked about this friendship side before.

Nevertheless there is an alternative side to it.

For the first time ever, I’ve learnt to really dislike people. Up till now I’ve had my few good friends, a larger circle of general friend, those others I’d class as acquaintances, and finally those who just had no meaning to me. Within this last group would be those who I did not like. There would be no real feeling of ‘dislike’ just a more negative indifference feeling. Of ignoring, or kind of allowing for their presence but not letting them get to me. A case of accepting that there will be good and bad in life, so best you just get on with life.

However since seeing and experiencing the hostility and bickering that has gone on over the last couple of years (some – but thankfully only a small amount – directed at myself); the antagonism, jealousies, bitterness; some so petty, but so much quite aggressive and destructive, I find myself now actually learning to truly dislike others. Not just indifference, but proper dislike, of feeling ofl distaste at their presence should they be near to me. This is something that has never happened before, and is starting to reflect through to my every day life. Where before I was happy enough to work with those who I previously had little time for, now, well, as this involves work (who pay my wages and as such allow me to live life) I shall refrain from putting my thoughts in writing.

It’s a shame that this has happened, and it’s certainly making me think as to how or what I want to do with YouTube. One thing I can’t do and that’s undo the past, so I guess I’ll have to live with it, the positives of YouTube still outweigh the negatives. A matter of reminding myself that there are still some amazingly good people out there.

(Perhaps having got this overdue update out of the way I’ll post more regularly.)

Often find it a bit odd how my mood can change quite quickly, especially on week-ends.

As a guy with a job my week-days have a degree of enforced structure. I must be up early in the morning, every morning, then into work. Obviously there are good days and there are bad days at work, but it is relatively predictable. Regular, routine interaction with familiar faces, lunch taken at a similar time each day. The amount and type of work can vary, but within a limited range, then finishing work at the same time each evening. So there is this sort of regime which may not control, but certainly influences my attitudes and moods, though only within a given range.

Week-ends though are so different. There is the expectation and excitement towards the end of the working week of looking forward to the week-end and the break from work. Then the week-end arrives, and does expectation match actuality? There can be the feeling of O.K. it’s the week-end, so now what do I do? Some week-ends can be busy with planned things, but for the others not so, then just doing what-ever happens to happen. Also, so often it’s the little things that can turn a ‘nice day’ mod into one of anxiety and depression. May be a case of doing your best for someone, but not getting a thank you. (Possibly the opposite, a simple ‘thanks’ or acknowledgement can really brighten a down day.) Maybe informal arrangements to meet friends, but they don’t turn up. The expectation of the meeting, then the disappointment when they are not there. Perhaps something said in the chat on messenger, said in a light-hearted manner by the sender but found hurtful or misunderstood by the receiver. Of being ignored in some group chat session where the group is made up of people you know. A bit of peace and quiet is often needed to give you your own space to get things done in, but social isolation can be devastating (and so much more devastating when you don’t understand why the isolation is happening).

Some people are not always to good at this ‘friendship’ thing and so can over-value those friends they do have. This can bring in problems of its own. To you, they are your ‘friends’, but to them you are just ‘an acquaintance’. A friendly acquaintance, and someone they probably quite like, but not to the relationship level of being a real ‘friend’. So a mis-balance in the way the various people expect the others to act and respond to their actions (or lack of actions). I’m sure a lot of the elitism arguments which were going on over some YouTubers a while ago were because of this.

Developing electronic friendships are all very well, but that bit of physically meeting someone to fully establish how the level a friendship may (or may not) be working at can be so useful. That’s one of the reasons that I think gatherings are so important.

I want to see who these people I know electronically really are – not just a face behind a camera, and I want them to see me for what I am.