Were police sent to guard the mortuary holding ‘Moors Murderer’ Ian Brady’s body due to fears that an attempt would be made to resurrect him? Tabloids accused of exploiting dead killer’s notoriety for circulation with bizarre stories of body snatching and return from the grave.

Does fame obsessed media treat victims of non-celebrity sex offenders as ‘second class’? Victims’ group demands equal access to celebrity sex offenders for working class kids, to ensure high profile and potentially lucrative reporting of their stories.

Should convicted criminals who die before they’ve completed their sentences be brought back from the grave to finish their punishment? Newspaper suggests voodoo be employed to bring back as zombies offenders attempting to cheat justice through death.

Major UK Terror Alert After Hijacked Santa’s Sleigh Crashes into Shoppers at German Market. Was Driver Part of Group Trying to Drive Out European Xmas Traditions in Favour of British Yule-tide Celebrations?

Sheriff’s Deputies in US South ordered to black up in order to avoid being targeted by black snipers. Local Sheriff also believes wearing of black face by white officers will also take racial element out of police brutality.

Britons to be Banned from Sniffing Own Farts under new Legislation Cracking Down on Legal Highs. Warnings From Experts that Low Quality Imported Farts Could be Responsible for Serious Illnesses and even Deaths Among Fart Sniffing Clubbers.

Has Trauma of Sex Crimes Committed by Seventies TV Personalities Driven Their Former Fans to Crime? Defendants in Series of Violent Crimes Blame Rolf Harris and Jimmy Savile for Tainting Their Childhood Memories!