When I was three years old, my father, who was a violent drunk, became a Christian. The night he was saved by his bedside, he tore through the house, throwing out anything and everything he felt would be displeasing to god, including his porn collection and the television. My mother soon followed suit and accepted god three weeks later.

We began attending a Nazarene church, where I was baptized and my father felt the "call" to the ministry. Within a year we moved miles away from our hometown and my father began pastoring his first church. He worked third shift and went to Bible College during the day; the only time he and I interacted was when he would beat the crap out of me for any and all infractions my mother had deemed sinful throughout the day. And this was in addition to the abuse my mother handed out. My parents put on a good front within the church walls and when socializing with church people, showing stern love and kind correction, but at home it was another story.

Being the firstborn son of three, and the only child who was born before the conversion of the parents, I was the one piece of the past they could not leave behind when we departed the hometown of their previous years of sinfulness. I felt unwanted, treated as if I was a product of their dirty past, beaten at times to the point of bloodiness; I believe they wished to rid themselves of me, and since they weren't about to commit murder, they did the next best thing. Many times I wound up in the emergency room to be stitched up from a "fall" or an "accident"; I still bear facial scars today from these occurrences.

When I was five my brother was born. From his grand entrance into the world and our family, he was treated like the god child, the product of two parents who had left the old life behind. He was coddled, loved, protected, and doted over. I was neglected except when my parents needed an outlet for their pent up rage, all the while claiming "sanctification", a second work of grace which supposedly rid one of the carnal natures. I don't think it rid my parents of anything, because all I ever knew was rage and hatred. It seemed everything I did was labeled a "sin", and I was treated as if I were sin incarnate.

As time went by, I learned how to stay out of their way, how to pretend to be someone I wasn't, how to hide in places I couldn't be found, how to escape within my imagination. Since there wasn't much attention paid to me if I was quiet and made myself scarce, I devoured books like candy. They gave rise to my childhood imagination, took me to worlds that didn't include abuse or neglect. I fell deeply in love with words, with the feel of turning pages in my fingertips, the slight musty smell of the old library in my neighborhood.

At the age of ten my youngest brother came along, my parents later admitting he wasn't planned for, and crowned a "miracle child". Along with my middle brother the "golden child", both were treated with tenderness and ease, fawned and fussed over. I watched as my brothers received the love and affection I knew nothing of, and I became even more withdrawn.

By the age of twelve, when a child's imagination begins to wane in favor of adolescence, I began finding new escapes in the form of drugs. Anything I thought would give me a "high" was fair game. I stole pain pills, cold medicine, huffed paint and whiteout until my head floated above the din of physical and verbal abuse, until I no longer cared for the love and affection from my parents that would never be mine. At fourteen I began drinking, rebelling even more against the double lives I watched my parents living, against this "god" they served, against the claims of so called "change" they showed to the outside world.

Years later, when I was old enough to leave home, I did with a fury, delving more and more into the darkness of the world, running the streets of night with the dregs of society where I felt more accepted and at home than I ever had within the church or my own family.

I am now in my forties, looking back on a life of severe addiction, drug abuse, alcoholism, living for the next escape. Two years ago I hung myself, believing if this was all life offered, I wanted no part of it anymore. But I survived, and here I am, almost nine months sober, my longest consecutive period of sobriety since I huffed paint as a young teenager.

My father is still a pastor; he and my mother no longer speak to me. They claim there was never any abuse, that I've made it all up in order to defer blame and avoid responsibility of my actions, though I willingly bear the weight of my choices. I've made apologies and asked forgiveness, and though they claim to have forgiven, they shun me as if I were a leper, the same as they did when I was a child.

If there is a hell, it isn’t reserved for people like me. My two brothers went on to become good men with families and careers, solid in personality and belief. My middle brother followed in our father's footsteps and became a pastor...and here's another kick in the teeth....he is head of Celebrate Recovery Ministries at his church, yet just like my parents, he doesn't speak to me or want anything to do with me. He deals with people just like me in his day to day ministry, but refuses to speak to his own brother.

This is just a touch on the life I've lived and all I've experienced. I will never accept or have anything to with a god who is served by people who act holier than thou, who treat their own flesh and blood like a pariah, who live double lives. I have very few people I am close to, one or two who believe in god but know not to try and shove it in my face. Yet from time to time, in the midst of deep discussions, they will interject that god is love, that he is nothing like what I experienced. I still want nothing to do with their god.

I do not see how I will ever believe anything other than the refusal to accept such a god. The claim of “love” simply does not compute in my heart and mind. Every claim of faith I hear rings hollow, without merit. The endless contradictions of Christianity grow by the minute, and like sheep, dumb and stupid, the masses follow blindly, secure in their beliefs, refusing any sane intelligent debates or arguments contrary.

If there is a hell, it isn’t reserved for people like me. It’s got a waiting list centuries long for the hypocritical morons like my parents and brother, who live double lives as followers of a hollow god.

There have been several posts on this site recently by freethinkers (and/or posers?) who seem to have swallowed the Christian bait that religion is a good basis for moral teaching, and have yet to regurgitate this toxic concoction. Even though they have given up practicing the faith, and may even have given up belief in gods, they still suffer the delusion that religious training is good moral training.

This theory has caused more misery down through the ages than smallpox, and, like smallpox, needs desperately to be stamped out. This article is intended as a temporary inoculation of sorts. As the freethinker continues her studies of religion, and begins to see more clearly the effects of this diseased thinking in current events, I am confident she will move herself well beyond the reach of the sickness. While all major religions are guilty of spreading the disease, I will naturally concentrate on Christianity.

I want to address three major religious claims: (1) the bible, especially the Ten Commandments, provide sound moral training; (2) that not basing morality on god is to make morality relative or lacking an absolute basis; and (3) that those without religion lack moral incentive.

First, it should be obvious that human morality pre-dates Christianity. Mankind has been on the earth for 100,000 years, give or take, and is a social animal. Alone in the wild, we are no match for the major predators. In groups, tribes, we become a formidable force. Only a tiny fraction of modern humans need fear any predator, other than humans themselves. We were able to form ourselves into tribes and keep them together by agreeing, explicitly or implicitly, to certain rules of behavior, including basic moral codes. The liar, the thief, and the murderer were shunned, banished or otherwise punished. Those who succeeded in creating and raising progeny were largely those who could play by the rules. In short, thanks to evolution, we are, in part, hardwired for moral behavior (the same has been demonstrated for many other social species). Thus our basic human morality can be traced partially to genetic hardwiring, and the rest, the social-context-relative morality, is taught by our parents and other caregivers, our peers, and our society in general.

Thus, mankind had been living and flourishing in societies long before the first biblical texts were written. So, what did those Ten Commandments add to human morality? Short answer: nothing. Note first that only 3 of the commandments are in our modern laws – those that deal with theft, murder, and perjury (bearing false witness), and that those are in the law books of every nation on earth, even those where Christianity is barely known, such as China and Japan. The other 7 commandments all pertain to “proper” modes of worship (honoring the Sabbath and the one “true” god, no idols, no swearing), basic moral injunctions for honoring parents and against adultery, or silly directives like the one against coveting. Clearly there is nothing in any of this regarding morality that is remotely profound. Parents of all religions, and none, all over the world, will generally teach their children the moral basics on theft, murder, lying, honoring parents and adultery. All the other commandments are religious chaff or simple nonsense.

Many of the most important teachings of the bible are actually immoral, at least by any modern, socially accepted definition of the word. But the rest of the bible surely reflects sound moral principles, doesn’t it? Perhaps here and there one may find a worthwhile moral teaching, but it’s a matter of searching for a few pearls in a dung heap. Shouldn’t we expect that this bible, this relic of a primitive, superstitious age, would reflect a primitive morality? Of course, and it does.

Consider that many of the most important teachings of the bible are actually immoral, at least by any modern, socially accepted definition of the word. Is scapegoating moral (the sacrifice of an innocent in payment for the wrongs of others)? Is hell moral (the idea that most humans deserve to be tortured for a very long time for their supposed wrongdoings)? Is original sin moral (the philosophy that that we all should be held guilty for the supposed wrongdoings of our distant ancestors)?

God is the principal character of the bible. So, is god a legitimate moral hero, a good example to use for moral teaching? Let’s just list a few of god’s commands and actions in the bible which suggest he may, in fact, be a decidedly immoral being:

Kills nearly all of humanity in a great flood, toddlers and babies included.

Arranges to have his own son tortured and murdered as a sacrifice to himself.

Condones the practice of slavery.
In order to win a bet, allows Satan to do anything he wishes to Job, even killing his children.

Approves numerous murders (Judith Hayes provides 45 examples in “The Holy Bible Revisited: Not Ready for Prime-Time Reading”), these include the 42 children killed by 2 bears, and all the firstborn of Egypt in another incident.

Condones war crimes (Numbers 31): “And Moses spake unto the people, saying . . . Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.”

Holds the innocent responsible for their ancestors supposed wrongdoings (Exodus 20): “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.”

Condones the murder of innocent, uninvolved family members: In Numbers 16, two men who had displeased god were buried alive with their wives and little children, and in Daniel 6:24, men who plotted against Daniel are thrown to the lions along with their wives and children.

As you well know, I could go on for several more pages along this vein. But, it should be clear from these examples alone that the Bible is a horrible source for moral teaching. In fact, I question whether there exists a worse model than bible-god for teaching moral behavior.

Now many believers argue that whatever god does must be considered moral, that we can’t expect to understand god's ways. For example, we shouldn’t blame god for torturing people in hell, because it’s those sinful people’s fault for deserving it.

As to understanding god, what could be more foolish than believing in and worshiping a god one cannot understand? By that “reasoning,” it makes perfectly good sense to believe in any god we don’t understand, from Allah to Krishna to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. In fact, this is exactly what billions have done since time immemorial; believed in false gods they couldn’t understand. If a god can’t make himself understood by us, then he is certainly too stupid to have created a universe. Such a god cannot exist.

As for the argument that it’s their own fault if people go to hell, my argument is against the very existence of hell. What sane parent tortures his children if they misbehave? If that’s not immoral, then nothing is.

The idea that if god does something then it must be moral is an extremely dangerous attitude. This is exactly the attitude that enabled the atrocities of the European inquisitors which cost the freedom and the lives of thousands, perhaps millions. After all, the inquisitors were simply honoring biblical commands; for example, to kill heretics (Deut. 17) and witches (Exodus 22).

Now, what about the claim that not basing morality on god is to make morality relative, or lacking an absolute basis. Now that is certainly true. Morality is going to be relative to something, whether it’s god or man. There is no getting around that. The real question is which makes more sense. You have just read several paragraphs indicting god’s morality, as taught in the bible. Now notice the implied morality of man as shown in our laws. Man’s laws forbid us from killing disobedient sons, those who work on the Sabbath, blasphemers, non-virginal brides, homosexuals, adulterers, or alleged witches. Now show me the sane man or woman who would really prefer god’s laws.

Furthermore, the “absolute basis” argument is likewise a failure. There are hundreds of sects of Christianity because there are hundreds of interpretations of the bible. If you are going to base your morality on the god of the bible, then whose interpretation do you use? The one which stresses that homosexuality is an abomination punishable by death, or the one which stresses that we are all god’s children, and he loves us all? You see the problem? There is no absolute.

Now, what is the harm of thinking that religious training is good moral training? Well, let’s look at just a few of the consequences this thinking has on our society:

It tends to put clergy above suspicion. The clergy pedophilia bomb would have exploded long ago if this were not the case. Also, many children were duped by clergy claims that their sexual predation was morally approved for god’s emissaries.

Clergy are always over-represented on ethics boards and media interviews on ethical/moral issues.

Gives the religious right more leverage in trying to overturn Roe v. Wade, gay marriage, etc., by claiming them as moral issues where they are the experts.

Provides a great sales tool for churches and parochial schools – send your kids to us and we’ll make them moral (or make the immoral appear moral, and fill their heads with reality-avoiding religious nonsense).

Provides a perfect cover for faith healers & other scam artists (like investment scams and the guy on late-night TV who sells vials of “miracle water”).

Has been the source of many so called “blue laws”: no liquor sold on Sunday, no department stores open Sunday, no car sales on Sundays, etc.

Now, lastly, what about the claim that those without religion are lacking moral incentive? As the religious put it, what’s to keep us non-believers from turning to rape, murder, orgy, theft, and various and sundry other fun stuff if we don’t fear the wrath of god? I know, I know, this argument is infuriatingly insulting, to say nothing of stupid.

Well, to begin with, there are man’s laws which are very strong incentives in some of these cases. Then there is concern for reputation, the near universal desire to not shame one’s family, and, perhaps most of all, our self esteem. I can think of nothing more important to me than my personal honor, with the possible exception of the lives of those I love. Would I dishonor myself to save the life of one of my children? Probably. Which, I guess, in a way makes me the opposite of those Muslims who have killed family members in the name of “honor.” Now which makes more sense to you?

I hope that the previous paragraph, combined with the earlier discussion on the evolutionary and social sources of human morality, have made the case that religion is not a necessary adjunct to morality. I wish to leave the freethinker with the conclusion that not only is religion not necessary for moral training, it is in fact detrimental to the development of a sound, modern moral philosophy.

So, please, do not send your kids to church or Sunday school! It should be clear to you by now that all religion has to offer is a seriously warped view of morality developed by superstitious primitives.

Think about it. How could it possibly make sense to base morality on a superstition?

Before I start I would just want to thank all of you who post and write on this website. Before I found this site I felt truly alone with my thoughts and struggles but have found comfort in the one place I would never think I would find it. Among a bunch of non-believers. Thank you for listening and apologize for any grammatical errors or flaws in my story. It came from my heart and won’t be perfect.

I’m 18 years old (almost 19) and was raised in a Catholic family. We go to church regularly and are what people call practicing Catholics. For the first 16 years of my life I was totally happy with my faith. To be honest I could have easily gone on like that for the rest of my life being a happy Catholic. My parade got rained on when a group called “Young life” got into our school when I was 16. It was instantly popular and a bunch of my friends went to it. Therefore I got dragged along. At the start it was a very fun group -- they played games and really knew how to get kids wanting to go. It was like a huge party so when a week long Young Life camp was going on in Colorado I had to go.

At this camp I got “saved.” Apparently, according to these people, Catholicism was wrong and all Catholics were going to Hell. I feel right into their trap. Parents if any of you ever see a Young Life group in your kids school get them out of there, they will brainwash your children. That is what happened to me. I was having my little good existence content with faith and life but they came along and messed it up. I got brainwashed into thinking the typical fundamental view of the world. The stupid: full of themselves, over righteous, constantly talking about God or scripture, narrow-minded, end of the world loving people. I constantly tried to be my best and do everything I could for the “kingdom” and found that I could only be a failure. My efforts where in vain I could not please God ever or the people at youth groups.

After time though I got numb. It is ironic many Christians say the world has become numb to sin, well I became numb to Christianity. My mess ups made me not care. I couldn’t be good enough, so I just stopped trying. The alter calls, intense prayer and worship services, witnessing, and gospel music soon become just an emotional high. I would sit and watch people be full of the spirit and soon figure that everyone was faking. I got numb to their actions and annoyed by the constant effort to save others. Another huge question was the nature of God? This dude who could do anything was bound to send people to hell because they were born flawed. Born flawed, in his image? Don’t understand?

People wanted to feel good so they went to church and they looked down of others who didn’t have fun the way they did. It was a place for the people who were weak. Not saying I’m the toughest kid out there but youth groups are dominated by people who have nowhere else to go, same probably goes to churches. I’m actually glad for this because they have a place to fit in. Only thing I hate is when they get into others lives and shove God down people’s throats. Not everyone thinks the same.

I also watched the documentary Marjoe made in 1972. For those who haven’t watched it, do. Best showing I have ever seen about the fakeness, emotional high, and fear used by all Christians to make people stay in their churches. The pastors also made a good amount of cash as well.

This didn’t happen overnight. Little by little my faith fell apart. I fought and still am fighting some to see my faith as truth. The church had been in my life the entire time and not having faith was something I was horrified of. Regardless I can’t help but see faith as a huge joke. Young Life was the first to go. I hated going for all the normal reason people dislike fundies -- witnessing, egocentric, hating gays (I’m not gay but why do they pick that one group to just wreck on?), condemning everyone and everything, and just being straight up jerks.

The leaving from Young Life helped me go to back to my Catholic faith stronger than ever. For a time it was good but the same doubts stepped in. Especially ones that the Young Lifers had pointed out themselves. My Catholic faith got destroyed by its horrific history. Pointed out by the very people I was running from. I had nowhere to go.

I laugh at the irony. I had two separate churches that I used to feed off each other for support that ended up destroying each other. When I look back there was only one person who did all those things that I thought was from God... Me. There was no spirit or force that guided my actions. I did it myself. People need to not look at something else to strengthen them and see that each of us has the inner strength to pull through anything thrown at us. We just like to think somebody has out back. Praying is just talking to yourself and testimonies are simply people following a typical Christian formula to get accepted and to elevate their Christian-social status. We are our strength. The inner strength we have gets destroyed by people seeing humans as worthless without god.

In one month High School will be a memory and I can move on in my life of faking Christianity. I still go to church and youth groups because I have my whole life and people look up to me. I don’t want to ruin my reputation with only a month left. I’m just going to finish strong and once summer hits I can stop faking it and be who I am. I’ve told only one person about anything that is going on in my head. A cute girl who sits beside me in biology whom literally is in the same situation. We are youth group leaders, great athletes in our schools, star students, “good kids”, and the ones who are the first to down shots at a party, dance, and light up (cigarettes/cigars, I don’t do drugs). Conversations with her are great but I still haven’t expressed myself fully and I really can’t. I just don’t know what will happen if people know what I really think.

As depressed as I might seem about losing my faith I’m really not. It is freedom. I’ve spent years watching my actions and back. Feeling fear and judgment for what I have done wrong. Constantly competing with others and myself to be the best Christian. Worst of all trying to save my family, x-girlfriend, and friends who weren’t in the group. People have come up to me and said that they used to be afraid of what they said in front of me because of my judgment. Once being called the most judgmental person they knew. I never partied, went out, or really just had a night of fun besides chilling with other Christian friends. Now I’ve found friends who don’t care at all about faith, we party, have more fun than I ever could at a church camp, and just see life for what it is. My friends have expanded so much once I stopped trying and my life has been more enjoyable.

Despite the partying and small acts of rebellion, I really do care about people. That is why I am looked up to and called a Christian. I will forever help others and be there to support my friends and family but I do it on my own, not for some treasure up the sky. I even tithe but no longer give my money to the church. My motives are actually pure and legit, not for a rewards.

The only regret I am going to have is my family.

Mom, Dad, I’m sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong in raising me. I go to church and youth groups still for your sake and you are the last people in this entire world I want to hurt. I’m not turning into a bad person I just want to be free. I will be better, happier. Not trying to be the savior of the world or being better than others will be a great relief. Love will still be the center of my life but I know the true source. Simplify me, despite what Christians think man can do great things and I intend to do my best. You raised me as best you could and being your son has made me who I am today. If I have done anything to offend you I am sorry from the deepest part of me. When I die don’t worry I won’t go to Hell. Nobody will have to burn forever while the “elect” look down upon them. We all will be at peace. I love you.

I was talking to myself in my living room, as many thinkers do I suppose, and suddenly had this thought. "How is it that the Religious, and Xtians in particular, seem to believe that they understand or 'know' the mind of God?" This got my metaphorical Mind-Hamster running.

After a good period of about ten minutes, I had it! Aha! I said to my self: This supposed God, in the minds of the Religious, created the entire universe, from the particles to the Red Giants. Everything in this universe that ever has or ever will be was created by this God. This of course, includes each and every law, including the ones not yet discovered. These Laws have been studied for generations upon generations by scientists who have spent the entirety of their lives thinking, learning, and paying massive student loans that would put a Loan Shark to shame. All in the earnest search of the truth.

Now, these Xtians suppose to know and understand the very mind of God, so one would assume that they also understand each and every Law in the entire universe right? If one understand the mind of the All Knowing One, than is it unreasonable to assume that this understanding would lead to them also knowing all there is to know about, say, Entropy? I know, I know, Thermodynamics, but hey, let’s try it out.

Lets keep in mind that this God created the ENTIRE universe and all of her glory. Knowing this, I implore any Xtian to look at the formula for Entropy and say “Ah! I see, . Yeah, God told me all about that.” I bet you’ll likely get dumb looks and stares. Does anyone know of a single person who has ever been able to do this? Is there a single human being on this big, bluish-green orb that literally knows the mind of any God? Obviously no, due to there being none, but I’d like a second opinion.

Thanks for your time everyone. I hope to get some corrections in my argument. Advice and suggestions are definitely welcome. Sorry for the extremely short post. I’ll do better next time. Oh! And if anyone wants to add more, feel free to comment on your additions. Thanks!

It's ironic I think, that the giant lie of religion, in turn, forces the enlightened among us to lie our socks off.

We have just returned from New Mexico and Arizona, visiting relatives that I hadn't seen in decades. It was my first trip to 'The West'. My initial reason for going was to see my last Aunt on my Dad's side ( Step Dad actually, but he adopted me ) while she was still in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I knew if I waited, it would be too late.

In a terrible twist of fate, her 22-year-old Grandson ( my 2nd cousin, who I'd never met ) died about two hours before our plane actually hit the ground there in Albuquerque. We arrived there to meet relatives who were deeply in shock and heavy with grief.

This was a fine young man who loved life, loved helping and giving to others, and was a dedicated hiker in the mountains there....being as close to nature as he could get. He also was a very sensitive person, and it was that very sensitivity that made him sad about the injustices in this world. Unfortunately he turned to drugs to quell those feelings, and he over-dosed.

Five days after we arrived, there was a memorial service held for him on his favorite plateau in a beautiful National Park overlooking Albuquerque. It was there, amidst the flowering cactus, fur trees and rattlesnakes ( which thankfully were underground because of the coldness ) that I looked around at the eclectic 100 or so people I'd never met before. Some had crosses around their necks, elderly men in suits and cowboy hats, middle-agers in their L.L. Bean duds and teens and 20 somethings in dusty hiking boots.

As I stood there, I wondered just how many were non-believers, and my gut feeling was that the percentage was probably pretty high. The Albuquerque area seems pretty open-minded and 'artsy'. I remembered seeing many bumper stickers that said, "Keep the quirky in Albuquerque".

On that cold blustery day, on the plateau, we listened to a long winded young pastor who was there mostly to save souls, period. My cousin ( who I believe was a Free-Thinker ) followed the boring sermon with a loving tribute to his lost nephew. This was totally Secular, no Jesus...God...or heaven mentioned.

His message was simple Our moments here on earth are brief, so live life to the fullest, don't be afraid to hug those we love and tell them how we feel, and to be kind to all people and be of help whenever we can.

At the luncheon that followed, I heard these expressions coming out of my own mouth:

"He's in a better place now"

"He's looking down from heaven and wants you to be at peace, because he's happy now"

"He's with Grandpa and Grandma now, and you'll be with him again in the future"

It was hard to look into the eyes of my religious Aunt and my other cousin and his wife, whose only child was now dead, and not say anything but.

I resent religion beyond words. It is, among other things, the great spoiler. It has spoiled my endeavors to bond HONESTLY with my kin-folk. I have to be the deceiver to 'fit in'....it is deception that holds me in esteem, the truth would alter all of that.

This is why I despise religion so much, it forces us so many times in life to be dishonest with those that we love.

Nature programs on TV involving animals frequently have narrators describing them as personalities, with concerns, thoughts, empathy, much like ourselves. Whereas scientists avoid anthropomorphism, these shows embrace it. Yet, the more like us an animal seems, the more interested we are. Animal Planet has taken this further with "Fatal Attractions", with personal testimonies from individuals who are living with dangerous, feral animals. In their testimonies, they tell you of their histories with these animals since adopting (being adopted by?) them. There are wolves, bears, chimpanzees, lions and tigers, snakes, etc. It is when they explain their relationships with these animals that things start to get really interesting.

Is there a kind of psychological relationship between these “animal believers” and God believers? It would seem so. The animal lovers are intensely involved, tumbling around with, embracing and being embraced by their animals, describing the love they receive in much the same terms as ordinary people talk about their cats and dogs. Mutual affection. And some of them have left civilization to live with these animals in their natural habitats.

Consider the similarities to God believers. Every one of these people will tell you that YOU don't know the minds of the animals (God), the key to having a successful relationship; that their animals (God) understand their feelings, intentions, love, and reciprocate these feelings. (Since their backgrounds are not mentioned, you might wonder if handling serpents without harm, and lions lying down with lambs peacefully is part of their beliefs.). The feral animal lovers wish to share their relationships wholeheartedly, even encouraging others to do so. Awesome. And because they sincerely, intensely believe, you might be tempted to believe that what they say is TRUE. But, is this so, and is it sustainable, lasting?

It occurs to you that if these people were the only source of information you had about human-animal relationships, you would consider this the NORM, and not question them. You're intrigued, so you look to see what happens eventually, and too often, by word and fact, we find out what can happen to those who "know" the minds, souls, and feelings of the animals (God); the sudden unprovoked attack, the mauling, rending of flesh, a loss of limb, eye... or death.

The survivors speak of misunderstandings, or of the animal’s reaction to a perceived threat, an impulsive defense. I have yet to hear a survivor admit he or she was wrong about knowing the mind or intent of the animal (God). We have the examples of those killed in the wilderness by their beloved grizzles, their companions; a farmer gored by his companion bull; the father struggling with rifle in hand, as he watched his daughter being mauled, deciding which to save (he killed his pet, later speaking in anguish at the loss of the animal). Of those who perished one might ask, if they lived, would they also have BLAMED THEMSELVES for the animal's (God's) behavior?

These special relationships are beyond reasonableness and caution. The "morning after" with another human may be disappointing, even emotionally crushing, leading to an eventual realization that it wasn't what the trusting believer thought it was after all. But this is different. The Fatal Attractions people seem to think that humans may betray you, but their animal (God) never would. No, the animal (God) reacts and punishes only when he is hurt, even if unintentionally. The believer will never let go of the special relationship, no matter how badly it turns out. The testifier makes excuses, rationalizations, for their animal (God), while insisting on his or her own culpability.

What is going on in the minds of those who “know” the wild animal (God) mind? What is the reaction of the faithful to the story of the Great Flood, earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, etc., or even personally, the believer's belief that the gates of Hell will open to engulf them when they are caught lapsed, unprepared, and die? It is always their fault, never God’s. It appears that trusting in God is no better than trusting in wild animal natures, and the error is in the fact that when we look at either, we're looking in the mirror.

Maybe it seems far-fetched to speak of the God of three major religions as a wild and unpredictable animal true to its nature, but check the texts. And check the minds of the believers while you're at it. Fatal Attractions? Many claim "consolations" in their faiths/belief systems. Still, I wonder if there is something in that dark unlit corner of their minds telling them not to be too trusting.

He was a pastor with insight from God.
A spiritual man without a facade.
He was the one that I looked up to,
For direction in life and all that he knew.

“It’s not just life that we have to fear,
Life after death is all too near.
If you don’t believe the right things,
Tortured you will be with a fire that stings.”

I was afraid to die every night,
Unable to sleep and full of fright.
What if I am not saved at all?
It’s not like I could give God a call.

“You are a sinner, have fallen short,
Of the Glory of God, and you’re like a wart.
A wart that God needs to have cleansed,
So bow your head and make amends.

Only with the right beliefs can you escape,
An eternal punishment and your default fate.
Trust in Christ or end in Hell,”
That’s one way for a good quell.

But Dad, what about those who have never heard?
Are they going to Hell too? That seems absurd.
“Son, these questions we can not know,
But don’t lose your faith, or let your doubts show.”

I’m confused about why God made himself die,
Couldn’t he just have forgiven my sins? Why?
I thought He was an all loving and all powerful God,
If he can’t do what I would do then this all seems very odd.

“Your pride is showing, a dangerous vice.
Satan’s tool. Don’t question God twice.
You cannot understand the Lord’s mysterious ways,
Planned from the beginning of time, and worthy of praise.”

You’re right, I should never question God nor His plans,
Just trust and obey, for I cannot trust fallible man’s.
So I’m either all good, or I am all bad.
It’s the way things are for me as a lad.

I saw horrific things as a small child.
Demonic forces driving people wild.
Casting out supernatural beings was the thing,
My parents decided to do on a fling.

This was evidence that the devil was real,
That evil exists, and it could take over with zeal.
The only way to be safe from demon possession,
Was to be on God’s side, without question.

When my sister acted out as a young girl,
My parents yelled at her and would hurl,
angry words of shame and guilt,
“What is your name? And what have we built?”

I could never face the fear,
Of being rejected by those I held dear.
So I believed, with no other real choice,
Ignoring the inner, wee small voice.

You know what Dad? I’m done being afraid.
Whether I’m acceptable to you is your choice to be made.
Either take me for who I am, warts and all,
Or damn me to hell, it is your call.

Christianity. A belief system based on a god who isn’t there, first humans who never existed, and a savior who is absent from the historical record. The idea that ‘christianity is good’ is a societal delusion that currently enjoys a privileged status.

How do I know? I know because I had to read “He is risen!” all day long on Facebook, but I cannot post “He is not risen”. If I did, I would be accused of being hateful, out of line, insensitive, and inconsiderate. I would run the risk of being deleted as a friend and removed from future family gatherings.

I noticed that other non religious people also abstained from making “He is not risen” status updates. And why is that? It is because christianity enjoys a privileged status and it’s not worth the social penalty for most people.

A group or idea that enjoys privileged status is one that will tolerate no dissention and will actively punish those who challenge it. In the past, ideas that challenged privileged status holders were things like emancipation, women’s right to vote, child labor laws, civil rights, equal rights, and child abuse.

Both “He is risen” and “He is not risen” are simple truth claims and yet there is tremendous pressure for the non-religious to be silent while privileged Christians are free to chortle such things as:

“HE LIVES, HE LIVES, let the world know, let the world know that our God LIVES. Don't all caps in computer-land mean you're shouting? Well then, yes, I am!”

Both “He is risen” and “He is not risen” are simple truth claims and yet there is tremendous pressure for the non-religious to be silent This particular proclamation was written by someone who knows how painful my loss of faith was. It is possible that they were trying to be a good witness to me. But it is more likely that they were not thinking about me at all. This is because the pain and trauma caused by Christianity will not be heard by them or by society at large.

If I were to say that Christianity took my childhood, filled me with fear, paralyzed me with anxiety, annihilated my Self, robbed my body of feeling, stole my future, gave me an unequal marriage role, and cost me thousands of dollars, christians would dismiss it with “You were in the wrong church, you take things too seriously, or you made your choices based on your own free will”.

It is no better when I talk to those raised outside of Christianity. They gently suggest that I’m over sensitive or making a big deal out of nothing or that I don’t understand who jesus really was or that it couldn’t have been all that bad since I turned out to be such a nice person.

Why is it so hard for people to understand that Christianity completely messed up my life?!?!?!

If I had been discriminated against, beaten, sexually abused, traumatized by an act of violence, or raped, I would be heard. I would receive sympathy. I would be given psychological care. I would have legal recourse and protection.

However, I am a trauma victim that society does not hear. I receive no sympathy or treatment. There are no legal avenues for me. My children and nieces and nephews cannot be protected.

Now that I largely dismiss most of the teaching of Christianity, I guess I'm going to have to struggle through holidays such as Easter and Christmas. Where I once scoffed at the "C & E" churchgoers (we know what those are, right?), now I'm faced with having to make a choice to attend or not attend, and if I attend, how I wrestle with I'm hearing and seeing, in my own mind.

I guess I'm going to have to struggle through holidays such as Easter and Christmas. I'm melancholy, because I see all these people with "blind faith", excited to be celebrating these holidays, and apparently finding real meaning in them. I wish I had that, both the belief (or the comfort of that belief) and that community with others. Now, I do realize that, just like me, there's a lot of them with real questions, that are afraid to investigate, or perhaps they're just going thru the motions. Some of them are really sweating going to hell for not doing this or doing that, or for doing that or doing this. Yes, even with the knowledge of what evangelicals term "Grace" - which they use to define that we don't have to DO anything, only to accept and worship Jesus. But no one really believes it.

Anyway, back to my point, I just really wanted to vent my feelings, as yesterday was Easter, and this one was really different for me than past ones. And while on one hand I feel a great weight has been taken off of me, on the other hand I do miss what I once had. Anyone else feel this?

I'm just wondering if someone knows what I'm going through, if someone understands. If someone else has suffered through the hell of obsessive anxiety and religion. I am so scared, I don't want to go back but I'm starting to think I might have to...

Hey, I've considered myself to be agnostic since a little under a year ago, although i didn't stop going of church until about four months ago. I was very happy with my new life and felt so much more clear headed and free. Initially i drifted away from Christianity because of the anxiety which came with it. I was raised pentecostal for about the first 14 years of my life, the next four were in the same church, however it became a little bit more lose/more about a "relationship." I was raised on fire and brimstone, speaking in tongues, believing the world was a dangerous and evil place, full of temptation and sinners seeking to destroy me/drag me down. Later, when my church shifted towards a more modern perspective, I went to a Christian rock concert (I was extremely uncomfortable because I'd been told/convinced rock was all satanic/evil). I loved it: I bought into a loving Jesus; I bought that he loved me; I bought that he could heal my depression (which was probably exacerbated by Pentecostalism to begin with); and indeed the hope made me feel better for a time. I started therapy about two years ago. When I started college (about seven months ago) I was already drifting away, and then I studied cultural anthropology and Western Civilization. When I learned about Zoroastrianism and the similarities between religion, I stopped believing in the Christian concept of God/god entirely, or at least I acknowledged I couldn't know who had "the truth" about God/the supernatural.

Later in my second quarter I started learning more about western civilization and the history of the original church along with physical/biological anthropology. Evolution made a lot of sense to me (I'd already learned a little about it in high school, but not too much), and I began to feel even better, like we were all made of the same stuff. We humans were just another part of nature -- we weren't completely separate from every animals. At first I was a little upset by the idea that humans weren't so special, but I saw how monkeys and apes had the compassion thought to be exclusive to humanity, and the evidence for evolution, and I was convinced.

I'm so scared, I just want to know I'm not the only one. However late in the quarter (like two months ago) my parents and I met with my aunt for lunch. I had no idea she was such a zealous "born again" Christian, I just thought she was a "normal Christian." Well when she found out Ii wasn't a Christian the shit hit the fan. I got into a two-hour long argument about the Bible and evolution. She told me about a Mount St Helens carbon dating error which made me doubt a little. Also she brought forth some old wounds/fears such as a "New World Order" and scientific conspiracy and an agenda against creationists/the Bible. By the end I was miserable, because I started doubting myself/being afraid she might be right. Later on I realized it was just the heat of the moment, but that experience really set my doubts going. I've been diagnosed with clinical depression for about 3-4 years.

It's only in the last few months that I tried a different anti-depressant and been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (pure obsessive). Anyways, the last month has been full of me fighting the fears that Christians might be right, or at least the gloom and doom ones. I started looking a lot into Bible verses and debunking, but also some of the "Creationist Science" stuff. Even though I found out a lot of it was bogus, it still set me to doubting myself even more. Ever since I've been looking at this stuff non-stop, I've been bouncing back between confidence that it was all just bull crap and really being afraid they were right. I couldn't stop.....

Now I'm seriously scared....I'm terrified that that they're right and that I'll start believing all the stuff I used to. I'm so afraid that creationists are right and that I'll start having to be all strict and to abandon some of the best friends I've ever had because they're not "really Christians" and because of what interests we share. I'm also afraid my aunt is right about college and how it's bad to learn about all this stuff even though I loved it... I'm so scared that I'll have to be like... them. I just want to be me, but if they're right, or I start believing it, I won't be able to feel good about myself or enjoy video games or reading or thinking for myself... I'm so scared they're right and I'll have to go back to that or that I'll start feeling like they were right all along and forget why I left. I'm so scared, but now i think they might be right after all.

Has anyone else had these fears re-arise? or had an experience like this? I'm so scared, I just want to know I'm not the only one...

Attending the Easter Sunrise service is one of my fondest easter childhood memories. (That and chocolate bunnies). At the time, I thought it was the "message" of the passion play that captured my heart and made me catch my breath. But, looking back, as an avowed agnostic, I think what gave me butterflies was watching the sunrise over the hill. Hearing the early morning bird calls, and the crisp April air stinging my nose.

Now, with Christianity a mere reflection in the mirror of my past, I am sure it was the serenity of being with the earth at that early morning hour, and with my mom that made it so special. Because now, I can say with true freedom and gladness that my religion-inspired guilt, shame and fear are buried. When I rolled away the rock of spiritual oppression and bondage, I emerged a new person. I was raised from the dead, resurrected in new life. The old is gone the new has come. I have welcomed the change, the metamorphosis of leaving behind superstitions and fears and welcoming the experience of living fully in the present. No longer with remorse for my past sins or fear of an impending dooms day, I embrace my life with enthusiasm.

On Easter, they say Jesus rose from the dead. Yet, coming out of this religion, many of us feel like we are the ones who are coming to life. Despite all the difficulties – the fear and anger, the grief and pain, we also have the exhilaration of waking up. We emerge from the coma of conformity and stand blinking as we get our bearings. And then we realize “We’re alive!” Here and now, in this world. We pat our own bodies and notice they are real. We pinch ourselves. We look around and see the natural world and we allow ourselves to be moved, perhaps weeping with amazement. With trembling hands we touch the softness of leaves, the liquid of water, the grit of sand, the smooth skin of a child’s face. We see into a friend’s eyes, finding there another being who is also alive and waking up. Together we hear the ocean, we smell jasmine, we see falling stars, we taste sweet ripe mango. We all stand with our feet planted on Earth, our home, and we realize that we have only begun an amazing journey.

Being an atheist/skeptic for a few years, I have noticed many Christians complaining about atheists using profanity and sometimes wishing death on them. At first, it may seem like atheists are really cold-hearted, cruel people. And when you develop that sort of thinking you start to feel sorry for the Christians getting insulted by atheists day and night. This is a feeling of pity; Christians like to point out the actions of one atheist and assume that by definition most atheists are rude and that the Christians themselves instead are actually decent-minded people who speak in a clear voice, thanks to their humble faith and obedience to the words of Jesus Christ.

However, this is nothing but a way for Christians to trick others into thinking much like they do. When you are competing against someone in an argument, you always try your best to look good and convincing while exposing your opponents’ flaws as much as possible. The way I see it, many of these Christians that attempt to do this are assuming that they are better than atheists, simply because they believe in a god. Unfortunately, this is far from the truth.

To be quite honest, it’s unfair to label atheists as “immature” or “rude,” when Christians clearly have flaws of their own as well (not to mention that Christians also resort to using cuss words and make death threats themselves too!).

First off, let me just say that while there are atheists like that around the Internet, the words and actions of one atheist do not change the fact that atheism is simply a lack of belief in a god. The angrier atheists out there most likely had a history of problems regarding Christianity (after all, most people who became atheists at some point in their lives were once believers). Everyone who has had problems with Christianity has had their own unique kinds: one may have discarded Christianity instantly because he felt like he was being lied to, that he wasn't convinced of Yahweh‘s existence; another may have had long years of frustration with their faith but desperately held on to his belief because of how his family might react if he were to come out and proclaim his lack of faith. Heck, even people who have been sexually abused have left the fold and became atheists or something equivalent. I would bet that most people left also because of the thought of them or a loved one burning in hell.

If my kids broke something in my house, I would have a heart and forgive them, because I would love them no matter what they do. Of course, I would ground them or make them do extra chores, but this is a far cry compared to burning in the literal Christian hell without a time limit.If you look at the way Christianity works, from a highly-sensitive person’s point of view, you would have freaked out and start having lots of paranoid delusions. There have been nights where I all of a sudden would jump out of bed and feel my heart beating fast (like I was drinking coffee or something) because of hell. Since I had left Christianity, I felt very afraid of the thought of unexpectedly dying without Christ in my life and seeing myself being tossed into the lake of fire by a very loving, generous god. Just thinking about that makes me despise him with a passion. And yet, Christians are crying about us skeptics using foul language? So what? That’s nothing compared to threatening any sensitive person with such a concept as hell.

Do you have ANY idea how traumatizing that can be to an emotional person? It’s probably even scarier than losing a loved one, because you would be cowering in fear, believing that you will be suffering for all eternity and no one (not even Yahweh) will come by and see you again. That’s just horrible, isn’t it? And yet Christians claim that Yahweh is such a loving god. Why won’t Yahweh forgive us -- even after death? If we can’t apologize in the afterlife for our unforgiving sins, then that means there will be no free will in heaven or hell. With that said, it pretty much contradicts Yahweh’s love for all humanity. If my kids broke something in my house, I would have a heart and forgive them, because I would love them no matter what they do. Of course, I would ground them or make them do extra chores, but this is a far cry compared to burning in the literal Christian hell without a time limit.

It’s kind of like this:
You’re a secular humanist who does charity work in Africa, helping build bridges and homes for those who have little to no resources to take care of themselves. However, an earthquake strikes the village you’re in and you die as a result. Assuming Christianity is true, you would be seen facing Yahweh, being told that you are not worthy of joining him in his kingdom and instead cast down into the fiery pits of hell. Why? Because you didn’t believe in him at the time you died. You chose to be “materialistic” and thus you are now forced to go through excruciating pain forever and ever. And while this happens, murderers and rapists who have turned their lives around for Christ are given the free pass to heaven. I know I keep using this example a lot, but it shows you just how awful the threats of Christianity are to those who are sensitive about their own personal beliefs in contrast with what Christians believe.

So, with that said, which do you find to be harsher? Saying the words “fuck” or “asshole” to someone in an argument or being told that you are worthless without Christ and deserve to burn in hell? Of course, regardless of hell’s actual existence, it’s still a pretty disturbing threat. It’s meant to control peoples’ thoughts and actions. I have no respect for anyone who threatens or simply “warns” me of eternal hellfire if I don’t come to Christ, and thus I will tell them to fuck off and go die in a fire. Rude? Yes. Immature? Yes. But is it more offensive than telling people they’re going to go to hell? No. I’m sick and tired of hearing Christians repeat over and over again about how we’re so mean and cruel to them. Well… you know what? That’s because we have been through lots of hard times thanks to your hateful religion’s bigotry. We have been told how we’re worthless unless we come to Christ, that if we live a certain lifestyle or practice a form of sexuality then we’re not worth the love of your supposedly loving god. That’s why we cuss at you.

We’re fed up with being called evil people. We’re not. Our lack of belief in YOUR god has nothing to do with how we act towards insensitive people such as yourselves. It is people like YOU that make us feel useless and miserable. We are angry at YOU because of this. Many of us have decided to rebel against your religion for what your god’s blind sheep has done to them. We don’t condone violence, but we still tell plenty of you to go and die when you say such ignorant and hateful things like how homosexuals are inferior to heterosexuals or how someone with a harsh disease deserved it because of their lack of belief in YOUR god. This is why we don’t respect your kind that much. It’s because you try and brainwash thousands of little children every Sunday morning, telling them that a big man in the sky exists and will punish anyone who doesn’t believe in him. And when they grow up they will continue to pass along the genes of stupidity and multiply like viruses.

It’s just heart-wrenching to me to see how Christianity can destroy so many peoples’ minds like that. Most Christians are afraid of questioning their own god because of the fear of eternal damnation. It’s all set there in case someone tries to reason with their god. Well all I can say is that I want no fucking part in this fucked-up lifestyle. Yes, Christian, I just said the word “fuck” twice. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to tell me I have no morals and that I’m probably a liberal and voted for Obama? How about you stay the FUCK away from my life and go make something of yourself instead? Why not just leave me alone? I’m well aware of the bullshit your religion preaches; I’ve heard it all a million times. Quit wasting my time and let me make something of my life, you self-righteous twat.

Stop telling others how to live their lives just because they don’t share the same philosophy as you do. I would rather have no god to comfort me in times of need than get involved with this bullshit any longer. Christianity is a crutch to society and must be stopped. This is why I and so many atheists are very hostile towards your loving religion. All I can say is that I DO have morals and I DO enjoy my life. I love having freedom from a world of fairy tales!

Your threat of heretics burning in hell, dear Christian, is like someone telling me Santa Claus won’t deliver any presents this Christmas. Keep your bullshit religion away from us, we have had enough. And to all crybabies claiming that Christianity is dying, no it isn’t. Christianity is alive and well. So, Christians, go back to your nest and leave the sensitive people out of this. Your ignorance of reality and arrogance towards us makes you no better, so stop claiming all this “True Christian TM” bullshit before I tell you off about how Christians aren’t supposed to judge others as IF they’re *better* than them. Let your god do the judging (if he even exists).

Finally, Christian, if there’s any consolation to this, it’s that no matter how much you try to convince me that hell is real and that I’m going there, you still have to deal with the threats of hell as announced in religions like Islam and Hinduism. The following link contains scriptures that also condemn Christians to hell for believing in the wrong god: http://www.irreligion.org/2011/02/17/christians-are-going-to-burn-in-hell/

And with that, thanks to all that managed to read all this. It made me feel much better about myself. And to all the sensitive people out there who feel the same as I do: don’t let these childish threats of burning in hell get the best of you! Know for a fact that once we die, that’s it. Consciousness ends with death. Think of it as a long, deep slumber! With that said, there is your motivation to live a long, meaningful life. It really is beautiful, especially without religion interfering. Wake up and smell the fresh air!

OK, this is all really new and a 180-degree way of thinking for me, being raised and always considering myself a Christian, but if you look at recent comments of mine, you'll see where I am today.

Was driving to work today and this thought/story came to me....

A mother sent her two kids out to the backyard to play, and told them to have fun, but DO NOT go over to that corner of the yard, bad things could happen to them if they do. they are good kids, but a little naive and inexperienced in the ways of the world. now, what see didn't tell them was that that corner of the yard had land mines buried in it. These mines wouldn't kill them, but it would maim them, and injure them for life.

This Mom's neighbor, with the adjacent yard, separated by a fence, had knowledge of these land mines, and the Mom knew she did, in fact that had a discussion while the land mines were being buried, over the fence. The Mom also knew that this neighbor was an ex-con (violent murder), hated kids, and came across as very persuasive and had a knack for getting people to do things for her. One day this neighbor said, half-jokingly, "what would happen if my ball went over into your yard and your kids ran over to get it for me?" The mom told herself that she had told her kids not to go over into that corner for ANY REASON, and that they would listen. In fact, she didn't see any reason that she should interfere if her neighbor did such an awful thing, and thus did not watch her kids when they were in the yard, watching soaps instead on tv, with the blinds closed. And, she told herself, if they did do it and their legs got blown off, they got what was coming to them for not obeying her.

Well, if you haven't got the point yet, what happened was exactly that. The kids were playing in the "good" part of the yard, the neighbor went out and her ball somehow went over the fence to the bad part of the yard, she asked them to get it for her. They told her they weren't allowed to go to that part of the yard, that bad things would happen if they did. The neighbor, being very persuasive, told them that was poppycock, what would possibly happen to them in the their own yard, it would "be fine!". So, they went over there to get the ball and got their legs blown off, maimed for life.

What did the mother do? She told them she told them not to go over there, and now they, and all their offspring and their offspring's offspring, ad infinitum, would no longer have legs.

Good, loving mother? Wants the best for her kids?

OK, for me, only 2 conclusions can be made.

God is awful if the story is true, it was a total set-up, and who would do that to those they love?

The story is not true.

Your thoughts?

OH, and current Christians: Commenting is fine as far as I'm concerned, for this thread. If this site's rules are otherwise and comments get filtered, I understand.

Old thought patterns are automatic, like default programs that pop up without being asked. How often do you think of familiar verses, song lines, or slogans from your past? Your brain actually has grooves for them. We know this from neurology. Plus if you got these things as a small child your brain was still being wired in basic ways so unwiring is not so easy.

In cognitive behavioral therapy, repetitive, unbidden ideas are called automatic thoughts and the intervention is called cognitive restructuring. This is an effective treatment for depression and anxiety. As part of it, you need constructive new thoughts. We have to replace the old ones because it’s pretty hard to not think at all, and it’s thinking that affects how we feel.

So, if you washed your brain of all the toxic indoctrination that causes you trouble, what would you replace it with? What values, attitudes, objectives, and principles make sense to you now? See if you can write a manifesto for yourself, and make it a work in progress. It’s not etched in stone; you can change it any time with experience and new information. (Isn’t that nice?)

Now see if you can come up with some pithy slogans for yourself that address your main ideas and give you ways to actually behave. Start with just one, and see what ‘s it’s like to repeat it to yourself. You can put it on a card to carry with you, write it on your mirror, or hang it on your wall. The point is to embed a new idea into your brain that you are choosing for yourself, and reclaim your life. Enjoy the feeling of increasing personal power.

In chapter 6 (sub-titled – Wielding Ockham’s Razor) he sets the scene of a family dinner where he, his wife, their daughter and her husband were discussing a recent poll that revealed, “9 out of 10 Americans believe in God, and 9 out of 10 members of the ‘National Academy of Scientists’ do NOT.” While they were contemplating the “WHY” of this not-so-shocking finding, the son-in-law blurted out……”OVERWEENINGHUBRIS!”

As the laughter died down, their daughter asked the obvious question (at least to me), “What does ween mean?” Oh yes, I had to know! Being a lover of words, I get downright giddy at the thought of a new word which holds the promise of describing my former colleagues with even richer disdain than I have heretofore been able to conjure. “Overweening Hubris”, it just had a certain ring to it. The root word – WEEN – held such potential; the Jokes alone were already beginning to form in my funny bone (found somewhere between my ears). That place in my brain was starting to vibrate with anticipation ….. “What the hell does WEEN mean?”

This word holds great significance in my life. Although I didn’t like or use the word much at the time, it almost perfectly describes ME, as a Christian Minister. The only word that the Dictionary leaves out (and one that my wife would add) is Asshole! To shorten it up to a more fluent and usable phrase; one that my wife could yell without taking a breath …. “You Hubristic Asshole!” described me to a tee!

WEEN – A GREAT OLD WORD

Ween is an old word, from another era. It is descended from:

Archaic or Antiquated language of the past; Relating to and characteristic of an earlier or more Primitive time

Here is its meaning –

Believe; To be of the Opinion; To suppose; To hope; To be CHARMED; Under the SPELL.

Holy Shit! This word was gaining steam! And when you add the modifying prefix “OVER”, you get the tremendous word, OVERWEENING.

What happens when you join the describer ‘Over’ with the word in question ‘weening’? Here goes:
Over-Believer; Overly-Opinionated; Overly Supposing (gullible); Baseless Hope (hoping beyond all odds); Completely Charmed and Totally Under the Spell of…………..

REDUNDANCY

O.K., I know that the two words together are redundant, but what a Great Phrase – “Overweening Hubris “– it just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? You could accuse your Christian friends and relatives of “overweening hubris” and they most likely wouldn’t know whether you had just complemented them or insulted them. Depending on your delivery it could sound really cool, e.g., “You, my friend, have great overweening hubris!” Or, you could leave no doubt as to your meaning with, “You overweening, hubristic Asshole!” (LOL – I just think the word asshole is funny).

Speaking of funny, think of what you can do with this old-timey word – WEEN. Again, while talking to Fundys you could use Phrases like, “You are a real WEENER!” Depending on their level of FAITH, they could be an Overweener or an Underweener. Hell, they may even attain the much sought after level of SUPERWEENER! “You’re a real WEENIE” would not necessarily be considered derogatory. Hey, I think I’ve just founded a new sect of Christianity (number 32,001), THE FIRST CHRUCH OF THE WEENIES, and everyone could carry their Weener’s Annotated version of the Bible.

Would a “weenie-roast” be something you do after Youth Service or something that happens to martyrs? Hmmmmm…

THE MEANING OF FAITH?

If you all are anything like I was for over 40 years, you’ll know what I mean when I say that I never could quite get a grip on the meaning of Faith. What the hell did it mean? Was it hope … not quite. Was it confidence … not really. Was it belief … sort of. Was it trust … now we’re getting warmer! The Bible says it’s “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” As Scooby-Doo says, “WWHHAAAUUUHHHAAT?” Substance, Evidence? Those are things that Christianity has NONE of. FAITH is an Oxymoron! Christians say “We don’t need evidence, we have Faith!” Again, cue Scooby, “W…………………………………………?”

So what the FU(K is Faith? Anyone? (Cue the crickets) I didn’t think so. It’s un-describable, it’s non-understandable, it’s an oxymoron ………….

It’s OVERWEENING!!

(Some thoughts from the mind of a one-time, overweening, hubristic Asshole – just ask my wife)

This question requires a fairly lengthy explanation and some background. I was born into a Christian family. While we were less fundamental or fanatical than some, we were very active in our church, our family life focused on Christianity, and we were brought up to believe that the Biblical God is the truth, and that following Jesus was the only way to happiness in life and to an afterlife in heaven.

[I should pause here and explain my etiquette when using the term "god". To me, the word god is not generally capitalized because it refers to an improper noun like any other item in our lives: table, cat, car, banana, etc. But, occasionally I need to capitalize the word when it refers to a specific proper noun, the Biblical god who Christians often think is named God. In fact this god's name is Yahweh, though one could make the case that the god has evolved over time to actually be quite distinct in personality from Yahweh, so perhaps he does deserve an individual identity and the name God after all. However, if it seems like I am inconsistent in my use of the terms god and God, please remember that they each have very specific and different meanings.]

As a child, there was no doubt in my mind that God existed and that I had a personal relationship with him and his son Jesus. I believed that this man, who was also God, had lived on earth as described in the Bible, had been executed by the Romans, and then had risen from the dead as part of a divine plan for human salvation from eternal death. It is likely safe to assume that most who read this will be familiar with the sorts of things I believed. My actual belief in the existence of God went on for a very long time, well into adulthood. But even as early as my teens I started to have big problems with the way Christianity was presented to me. For one, I was embarrassed about Christianity. (In retrospect, of course, this likely reflects my sub-conscious disbelief. After all, why would someone be embarrassed to believe something that they know is true). In any case, questions started to arise. Difficult questions for which I had no answers. In addition to that, once I was an adult and responsible for my own life, I stopped attending church on a regular basis, which likely provided me with the distance from Christianity that I believe is necessary for anyone to make the move away from their religious upbringing. Christians often view this sort of thing as a weakness of faith, or a drifting away due to apathy, and in my experience they tend to guard against it fervently and shun those who explore outside the faith. This is the very reason it is so difficult to leave a religion behind, because most people don't ever give their mind time and space enough to consider their religion objectively.

But, for many years as an adult, even though I no longer attended church, even though my friends were all non-religious, I still actually believed in all the pillars of Christianity that I grew up with. And I often worried about my future death and the chance that I would spend an eternity in hell if I didn't get my spiritual act together. Occasionally, usually when I was with family, I felt guilty about my lack of religious zeal and made some sort of half-hearted self promise to change. This went on for some years in my early adulthood.

Not much changed for quite some time in my religious beliefs, and it is possible that I could have drifted along like that for the rest of my life. But some factors in my life precipitated further change.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, I think I have an inquisitive mind. I want to know the truth. I am not satisfied just telling myself that no one really knows the answers to certain questions such as the existence of god. I think that, ultimately, anyone who is very inquisitive (and honest with themselves) must in the end have a problem with their religion. I found that Christianity demanded that I ignore a number of difficult questions. Or, if not outright ignore them, eventually come to an acceptance that the answer to them might entail some sort of magic, handily taken care of by our God. In any case, this natural curiosity spurred on a number of questions about my religion that I had difficulty answering logically. A major question I had was why were Christians (and people of many other religions as well) not encouraged to really examine their beliefs objectively? Why not "step outside" of Christianity and look at it rationally? Surely any truth will stand up to rigorous examination, so what are Christian authorities afraid of? Why were we as Christian children taught that to even question our faith could be considered sinful and therefore deserving of death? Surely if god did exist, he would want followers who had examined their belief in him carefully. Yet Christian (and other religious) doctrine is full of suggestions that weak faith (really another term for questioning things) came from the devil. One should guard against it and stand firm when those doubts (questions) arose. Another difficult question was the one of the afterlife. If we were to "go" to heaven or hell, then there would have to be some part of us that actually survived death in order to be there. So, which part of us would that be? Much of our personality is mapped out through neuroscience. Indeed people's personalities do sometimes change as a result of brain trauma, indicating that our very persona is only an expression of the physical structure of the brain. Our ability to feel pleasure or pain depends on the physical existence of a nervous system. So then, isn't the description of who we are dependant on our physical existence? Wouldn't god have to magically re-create us physically in order for us to exist, with some recognizable facets of our current persona, to be able to exist in an afterlife? Sure, a magical god could do that, but that model was neither logical nor rational. As soon as I permitted my god to be a non-rational being, then ANYTHING was possible. Why, the world could have been created yesterday by a god who uploaded all our memories. Wasn't that just as rational and likely as a god who would re-create us after death (rather than leaving us non-existent for eternity of course) just so we could either enjoy heaven or suffer in hell?

Like a child taking the butterfly wings off for the first time in the deep end of the swimming pool and realizing that it can indeed float without them, I considered that the world might work just fine without a god.Secondly, I studied science in university. During many years of university scientific education, I was forced to look at the world more and more rationally. I was trained to try to put aside my biases, to examine the evidence around me and then to draw a conclusion based on the observed evidence, rather than to start with a conclusion (or even a pet theory) and try to examine the evidence in light of that conclusion (or try to make the evidence fit the pre-conceived conclusion). More and more I realized that this was the process that allowed humans to gradually leave behind superstition, and examine the world objectively and actually understand the reason for natural phenomena. This seemed to be in complete contrast to the religious indoctrination I had received as a child. In that case I was encouraged to hold strong to my faith no matter what evidence came to light. If it appeared from time to time that god had abandoned me, then that was only a test of my faith. I should stubbornly hold firm in my beliefs, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, and I would eventually be rewarded. Imagine where we would be scientifically if scientists practiced that way.

Thirdly, I started to encounter more and more Christians who believed all of the Bible literally. Though I grew up in a religious environment that was fully supportive of the authority of the Bible, much of it was taken figuratively. But now I started to engage with people who actually believed that the earth was created in six days less than 10,000 years ago, and who believed that a global flood to the height of Mount Everest happened within the past few thousand years. I knew this things to be untrue, given the scientific evidence to the contrary, and I've never been tempted to take those parts of the Bible literally. But, for the first time I started to ask myself why some of the Bible should be taken seriously if other parts of it were clearly complete fabrications? Why should I believe the parts of the New Testament that were critical to the Christian faith if much of the rest of the Bible could be discarded as allegory? Could it be that the whole thing was just fictional writing very loosely based on some events that bore little resemblance to the Biblical descriptions of them?

Fourthly, I began to read a number of books that looked at religion in a different way than I was used to. I read all the usual atheist-written best sellers such as Richard Dawkins' The God Delusion, Christopher Hitchens' God is Not Great, Sam Harris' The End of Faith, and Daniel Dennett's Breaking the Spell. In addition I read In Defense of Atheism by Michel Onfray and Why God Won't Go Away by Newberg, D'Aquili, and Rause. All of these books helped me examine the religion of my upbringing much more objectively. But a couple of other books had the most profound effect on my religious thinking. Jared Diamond has written a couple of books called Guns, Germs, and Steel, and The Third Chimpanzee which are relatively scientific examinations of the history of the human species. In these books Diamond describes some of the processes of human evolution and development that lead to differences in agricultural and technological advancement that occured in different places around the globe. By examining human history so carefully, one is forced to either reject the science outright and cling to the creation story in Genesis, or to accept that no god played any sort of role in human development over the past few tens of thousands of years. This, of course, doesn't rule out gods altogether, but it does very much weaken the meddling, prayer-answering god of the Bible. I also read a book called Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. The book basically follows two stories: a general history of Mormonism and a specific case of murder in the 1980s by two Mormons who believed they were instructed by God to perform the murders. I knew virtually nothing of Mormonism prior to reading the book, but it served as a striking example of how religion can cause people to believe the unbelievable. The religion is clearly a fabrication from 19th century America, with roots that are distinctly American in culture. Yet, there are millions of followers around the world, in what I can only understand as blind faith. The book illustrated the strength of religious influence, and how humans clearly yearn for some meaning to their life, which often seems to be filled by instructions and commands by a person in power – or a religion. I had met a few Mormons, and they seemed as convinced that their religions was true as any other religious person, including the Christians I had grown up with. Yet there was no doubt in my mind that the entire religion was a fabrication. If a religion could essentially be constructed by one man in the relatively modern times of the 19th Century to a point that millions of people worldwide were followers, how much more possible was it that a religion could have developed 2,000 years ago in a time when the availability of information was incomparably lower than in the modern era? (Literacy was lower, formal education was rare, books (at least as we know them now) and newspapers were non-existent).

Eventually I began to consider the possibility that there was no god. Though I had of course considered the question before, I had never really opened myself up to the possibility and considered the consequences. Like a child taking the butterfly wings off for the first time in the deep end of the swimming pool and realizing that it can indeed float without them, I considered that the world might work just fine without a god. Julia Sweeney has described a similar experience in her book Letting Go of God:

"…as I was walking from my office in my backyard into my house, I realized there was this little teeny-weenie voice whispering in my head. I’m not sure how long it had been there, but it suddenly got just one decibel louder. It whispered, ‘There is no god.’

And I tried to ignore it. But it got a teeny bit louder. ‘There is no god. There is no god. Oh my god, there is no god.’…

And I shuddered. I felt I was slipping off the raft.

And then I thought, ‘But I can’t. I don’t know if I can not believe in God. I need God. I mean, we have a history’…

‘But I don’t know how to not believe in God. I don’t know how you do it. How do you get up, how do you get through the day?’ I felt unbalanced…

I thought, ‘Okay, calm down. Let’s just try on not-believing-in-God glasses for a moment, just for a second. Just put on the no-God glasses and take a quick look around and then immediately throw them off.’ And I put them on and looked around.
I’m embarrassed to report that I initially felt dizzy. I actually had the thought, ‘Well, how does the Earth stay up in the sky? You mean, we’re just hurtling through space? That’s so vulnerable!’ I wanted to run out and catch the Earth as it fell out of space into my hands.

And then I remembered, ‘Oh yeah, gravity and angular momentum is gonna keep us revolving around the sun for probably a long, long time.'"

I can relate to some of this description quite well. In addition to what she describes, my situation was complicated by the fear that I might die while I had the not-believing-in-God glasses on and go to hell for eternity just because I happened to die while I was trying out atheism for 30 minutes. It was a bit like coming up to a train track and thinking, ‘I need to cross the tracks, but what if the train comes along out of nowhere and mows me down just at the moment that I step across?’ When I finally overcame my fear of being annihilated in a moment of fury like an Efrafan rabbit, and stepped gingerly onto the tracks, my whole perspective changed. Instead of looking up the track in fear of an oncoming train, I looked down at the tracks in detail for the first time and realized they were decrepit and could not possibly bear a train. No train would ever be coming along those tracks and I could linger as long as I like quite safely. Once that was established, the opportunity to really open up my mind to some serious questions availed itself and it was not long before the whole house of cards came tumbling down. Indeed, once I had my Julia Sweeney moment, the whole ordeal was over in a matter of minutes. I was through with God instantly as I realized that the whole game was a farce. There was no desire at all to cling to a false god for comfort. I simply set god aside and moved on.

It is probably hard for someone who has never believed in god to understand this defining moment for a new atheist. Ironically it is very much like the term that Christians use to describe their own conversion experiences: like being born again. Born into life again, only this time recognizing the world that you are born into for what it is. When I look back now on the years that I actually believed a god was there listening to prayers, intervening in human lives, meddling with nature and so on, I almost feel embarrassed that it took me so long to overcome. Yet, the relief that I haven't gone through my whole life that way is overwhelming. How close I came to wasting the only life I will ever have. The reasons why religion is so very difficult to overcome for someone who has been properly indoctrinated are very interesting and belong elsewhere in another post.

Ultimately I have come to a point where my position towards religion is that the onus is firmly on religion to show evidence of its truth. Now that I have recognized that personal experience is not evidence, and that there really is no objective, verifiable evidence for god, there is simply no reason to try to believe in any religion anymore. Reason is the the key word in that statement. Religion for me has become wholly unreasonable. And this has been confirmed in conversation after conversation with Christians who try to convince that their religion is true, yet often stretch the boundaries of reason to do so. Most (not all) Christians that I now encounter seem less interested in really finding out the truth, but rather in defending their faith no matter the cost. Even if the cost is reasonable, rational, logical thought.

I have chosen, so far, not to share my position of atheism with my family. It might seem strange not to be completely open about it, but there are a number of reasons I have done so. Firstly, I feel no obligation to inform people in my family what my religious position is. If they assume that I hold the religious beliefs of our childhood, then that is their assumption and a wrong one at that. I feel no obligation to correct assumptions about myself. Secondly, I feel that it would be futile to discuss the issue with people in my family as it would likely only lead to endless conversations and attempts to procure my reconversion to Christianity. Thirdly, I am a bit afraid of hurting some members of my family, such as my parents. They would be quite devastated to discover I am an atheist and, since they are quite old, I prefer not to cause them that stress. Occasionally I feel a bit dishonest not sharing the fact that I have left the religion of my upbringing, but then I remind myself that I also make no major attempt to hide it. If people make assumptions based on what I believed (or more correctly was indoctrinated with) as a child, then so be it.

It would be easy to be bitter at my parents for the years of my life they essentially took from me by indoctrinating me with false beliefs. And indeed, I do resent the religion as a whole if I am honest with myself. I resent the institution of Christianity for the horrific things it does to innocent childrens' minds. But, I also recognize that my own parents were acting in the way they thought was best for me. I can make amends by teaching my own children to question everything, especially the things I teach them. The truth will always stand up to their questions.

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