Last night i had a big argument with one of my parents - it turns out that they had a VERY low impression of me which went beyond the typical parental criticism - i told them that apart from being deeply hurt, i was disappointed that they were capable of even thinking that of me and it also suggested that -despite me being such a bad person in their eyes, their love was as if they were doing me a favour!!
Since I KNOW i am not the person they described - i suggested the problem was with them, their fears, insecurities, etc - not me... I walked away upset, hurt and disappointed in their lack of maturity BUT happy that I judged myself by MY standards not theirs
It got me to thinking - how well
do we know our parents as human beings? are we always "children"?
do we always judge ourselves by our parents' standards (which may be flawed) or our own?
In my mind seeing the person in the parent- with all their flaws and issues and being able to separate the relevant and good bits from the bad bits - is a key transition to being an Adult human being...
--- comments please!

Last night i had a big argument with one of my parents - it turns out that they had a VERY low impression of me which went beyond the typical parental criticism - i told them that apart from being deeply hurt, i was disappointed that they were capable of even thinking that of me and it also suggested that -despite me being such a bad person in their eyes, their love was as if they were doing me a favour!! Since I KNOW i am not the person they described - i suggested the problem was with them, their fears, insecurities, etc - not me... I walked away upset, hurt and disappointed in their lack of maturity BUT happy that I judged myself by MY standards not theirs It got me to thinking - how well do we know our parents as human beings? are we always "children"? do we always judge ourselves by our parents' standards (which may be flawed) or our own? In my mind seeing the person in the parent- with all their flaws and issues and being able to separate the relevant and good bits from the bad bits - is a key transition to being an Adult human being... --- comments please!

Sometimes it just takes a lot of forgiveness.
It is really important to be able to separate yourself from your parents, and it seems like it's often the parents that have the toughest time defining themselves, apart from their children. I think once you become a parent it's so consuming that you're never quite the same again ... never NOT a parent.
It's messy and complicated and wonderful and awful ... it helps if you're clear about who you are because sometimes they're not. At all. They love us in a way that no one else will and can hurt us like no one else can, too.

Sometimes it just takes a lot of forgiveness. It is really important to be able to separate yourself from your parents, and it seems like it's often the parents that have the toughest time defining themselves, apart from their children. I think once you become a parent it's so consuming that you're never quite the same again ... never NOT a parent. It's messy and complicated and wonderful and awful ... it helps if you're clear about who you are because sometimes they're not. At all. They love us in a way that no one else will and can hurt us like no one else can, too.

Well done on holding your own here. It can be so hard for parents to realize that their children are not extensions and mini me models of themselves, but individuals that have ideas, thoughts and values of their own.
It is sad that you have had to have this criticism thrown at you. I guess you are now as disappointed with them as you feel they may be with you?
We are always children, and if we are lucky our parents show us that they too are human and can make mistakes, it is only then that I feel that both sides can see each other as individuals, and respect the differences that are bound to occur.
As a parent I have had times where I am disappointed in my kids actions or choices, but this does not mean that I do not love them, for this I feel is the one true unconditional love that a person can feel.
Parents are human (even if they wont admit it) they too make mistakes and can be wrong.
Do not question their love for you, just their misguided views. xx :)

Well done on holding your own here. It can be so hard for parents to realize that their children are not extensions and mini me models of themselves, but individuals that have ideas, thoughts and values of their own. It is sad that you have had to have this criticism thrown at you. I guess you are now as disappointed with them as you feel they may be with you? We are always children, and if we are lucky our parents show us that they too are human and can make mistakes, it is only then that I feel that both sides can see each other as individuals, and respect the differences that are bound to occur. As a parent I have had times where I am disappointed in my kids actions or choices, but this does not mean that I do not love them, for this I feel is the one true unconditional love that a person can feel. Parents are human (even if they wont admit it) they too make mistakes and can be wrong. Do not question their love for you, just their misguided views. xx :)

I guess I am lucky. Despite all the screwed up dysfunction of my family, my parents have never really been crtical of me. They have been judgemental (not blatantly) and I am sure they are critical of some things I do, but I believe they have gone out of their way to support me, despite all my OWN flaws.
4Fun, I am sorry that you do not have the support of your parents that many people enjoy. I would like to say, though, that you have done the right thing: go with your heart. If you really feel they are too critical, you must do what your heart dictates.
Good luck-- True

I guess I am lucky. Despite all the screwed up dysfunction of my family, my parents have never really been crtical of me. They have been judgemental (not blatantly) and I am sure they are critical of some things I do, but I believe they have gone out of their way to support me, despite all my OWN flaws. 4Fun, I am sorry that you do not have the support of your parents that many people enjoy. I would like to say, though, that you have done the right thing: go with your heart. If you really feel they are too critical, you must do what your heart dictates. Good luck-- True

Some times even though you parents act like children you should allways try to be the adult even if those around cannot.Last june I had a massive argument with my mom about her yard work. She wanted to burn some tree rubish along with some old personal papers.I told he not to. The reasons were, too much dry grass/pine straw It was too hot, this was at noon 92 degrees with a heat heat index of 98. that there was not enough servicable water hose to string out, to where she was wanting to burn so they could be used if nessary . Her complaints to me was I was that I was wanting not to work that day. two that she did not need the new waterhoses, she had her leaf rake. no I told her many times since the 5 weeks earlier that water hoses she had were useless. many weeks ealier I told her she had to replace them before she tried to clear the tree debris and destroy the excessive old personal papers she had to get rid of. She was to let me know when she was going to burn.She had made up her mind and she was going to show me up by doing so.At the time (7Pm) she snuck out to do the deed it was still too hot (heat temapture index of 103- 105) too much dry grass/pine straw , and no water hose. She was suposed to let me know when she was going to burn after she got new hoses. To make a long story short 3 fire trucks , 1 ambulance ride for her and 1 acre of scorched trees and land, and a 4 day stay in the hospital for her was the end result of her not listening to me. Her reason for not getting the new hoses was that they cost too much and that we did not need them. Well I could of had said I told you so but I took the higher path and did not do so. She knew the real reason I told her not to burn.

Some times even though you parents act like children you should allways try to be the adult even if those around cannot.Last june I had a massive argument with my mom about her yard work. She wanted to burn some tree rubish along with some old personal papers.I told he not to. The reasons were, too much dry grass/pine straw It was too hot, this was at noon 92 degrees with a heat heat index of 98. that there was not enough servicable water hose to string out, to where she was wanting to burn so they could be used if nessary . Her complaints to me was I was that I was wanting not to work that day. two that she did not need the new waterhoses, she had her leaf rake. no I told her many times since the 5 weeks earlier that water hoses she had were useless. many weeks ealier I told her she had to replace them before she tried to clear the tree debris and destroy the excessive old personal papers she had to get rid of. She was to let me know when she was going to burn.She had made up her mind and she was going to show me up by doing so.At the time (7Pm) she snuck out to do the deed it was still too hot (heat temapture index of 103- 105) too much dry grass/pine straw , and no water hose. She was suposed to let me know when she was going to burn after she got new hoses. To make a long story short 3 fire trucks , 1 ambulance ride for her and 1 acre of scorched trees and land, and a 4 day stay in the hospital for her was the end result of her not listening to me. Her reason for not getting the new hoses was that they cost too much and that we did not need them. Well I could of had said I told you so but I took the higher path and did not do so. She knew the real reason I told her not to burn.

Quoting: Originally posted by bigtom77
Hi, I had the same problems with my parents much of my life. I think we all expect out parents to always accept us and never be a critic in our life. This could be one of my long blogs but I will cut to the chase, I HAD these problems. I lost both my parents within six months of each other four years ago. I would welcome their criticism now. They are your parents, love them, accept them and live your life. Someday too soon they will not be there and then you will miss them, criticism and all. Just my 2 cents worth on this---Tom

Quoting: Originally posted by bigtom77 Hi, I had the same problems with my parents much of my life. I think we all expect out parents to always accept us and never be a critic in our life. This could be one of my long blogs but I will cut to the chase, I HAD these problems. I lost both my parents within six months of each other four years ago. I would welcome their criticism now. They are your parents, love them, accept them and live your life. Someday too soon they will not be there and then you will miss them, criticism and all. Just my 2 cents worth on this---Tom

Hi, I had the same problems with my parents much of my life. I think we all expect out parents to always accept us and never be a critic in our life. This could be one of my long blogs but I will cut to the chase, I HAD these problems. I lost both my parents within six months of each other four years ago. I would welcome their criticism now. They are your parents, love them, accept them and live your life. Someday too soon they will not be there and then you will miss them, criticism and all. Just my 2 cents worth on this---Tom

Hi, I had the same problems with my parents much of my life. I think we all expect out parents to always accept us and never be a critic in our life. This could be one of my long blogs but I will cut to the chase, I HAD these problems. I lost both my parents within six months of each other four years ago. I would welcome their criticism now. They are your parents, love them, accept them and live your life. Someday too soon they will not be there and then you will miss them, criticism and all. Just my 2 cents worth on this---Tom