Hello everyone. this is my first time posting in any site but I want to share my story, make some friends, network, get support and be someone's support. I am a bbw living in nyc who is trying to live, and finally love myself. I have had my breaking down moments. First person I told was my boyfriend, that was so hard to do but I owed him that much because I felt guilty knowing this and not being honest. He went to his doctor and he is negative. I thought he would abandon me but he is still by my side. I was very surprised. Next person I have semi told is my sister because she is my best friend and I need her support. And I would hate for anything to happen to me and no one in my family knew anything.

Before I got diagnosed, I hate to say it but I already saw this day coming because I had some slip ups. I would regularly go to the Free Std clinic and pray sitting in the seat. Lord please let me negative, and if for some reason I am not help me to deal with it. Everything was fine until I did the swab testing instead of the blood for the first time and I got the diagnosis. I was numb but also somewhat prepared but not prepared.

Since the diagnosis this summer my life, thought process has changed.Thank God I have a job, takes my mind away for most part of the day. It gets lonely and depressing because I live alone. I try not to beat myself up with the who what where when why..I have been to a clinic that has great support. I am not on meds yet because I have stomach issues so I have to see a gastroologist first. I have been recommended to take Stribild. I hate pills but I know I have to do this. I think I am still in denial and just wish this would disappear.

I have apologized to God I even apologized to myself for my careless actions.. I try not to think of death but think of a long health life. I am not ready to tell my mother. I am in a new atmosphere realizing life is not over, there are a lot of people living with it, dealing with it and still loved with it..
I don't have any children but one day I still wish I could.
I will be posting from time to time.

I thank you for reading this..if you can give me some info, encouraging words please do so..

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