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Hit and Run: Friday Edition

Morning, kids! I hope you’re all taking advantage of National Bike to Work Day
to get some exercise, get some fresh air (check local listings), and to get tested for steroids as soon as you walk in the door. You can’t be too careful with those cyclists… that’s why I sometimes bump them with my car. Share the road, my ass.

On to the hotness…

Ladies’ favorite David Wright came in as a pinch-hitter and left with an RBI during the Met’s amazin’ 5-run ninth inning as they beat the Cubs 6-5. Chicago manager Lou Piniella was immediately wrapped in a blanket, shoved to the ground, and doused liberally with water to prevent him from combusting. Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires.

The Mets enter this weekend’s Subway Series against the struggling Yankees, whose only recent highlight is catcher Jorge Posada’s 12-game hitting streak. To celebrate, his father Papa Mouskewitz gave him a new hat. And not just any new hat. A new hat that has been in the family for three generations. Don’t worry, Jorge. You’ll grow into it.

Houston Astros second baseman Craig Biggio is closing in on a record of his own. Yes, Biggio—who still looks like Opie Taylor even though he’s got to be damn close to 70 by now. Dude’s like the fucking Highlander—is only four plunkings away from being the player hit by the most pitches in his career. I can’t decide whether to cheer for this or not..but thankfully, there’s a blog dedicated to those of you who will.

Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer wants to sell you his wiener. He’s currently endorsing hot dogs under the tagline “Go Long-er”. Uh-huh, that’s what she said. And it just gets worse if you visit the company’s website. They promise “bigger links, bigger taste” and that “you can trust you’ll love it.” I heard those same lines on my last date. Carson, I hope whatever they paid you was worth having your face linked with the phrase “It’s Bigger Than the Bun”. That’s what sh–oh, forget it.

The Posada-Mouse separated at birth is absolutely priceless. Easily the best/funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Of course, I don’t like David Wright’s eye black or Craig Biggio’s Skoal-pocket ass, so my options on this one are limited. Nice job ALF!

And because Morrell’s “Bigger than the Bun” smoked sausage are a full one-inch longer than the competitive links, they eliminate the “Nothing But Bun” incidents that occur when consumers attempt to take that blissful first bite of their smoked sausage, and are left only with a mouth full of bun… and no juicy sausage.

And that’s not dip in Biggio’s pocket, it’s Bubble Tape. Just like Chutley, his oft-plunked heir apparent, doesn’t have have a dip can in his pocket either. No. I refuse to believe that Chutley uses dip. [sob]

p.s. I just spent 20 minutes looking for that photo. Time well spent, wouldn’t you say?

I’m curious what marketing genius came up with the ploy of linking a skinny (he’s no Odell Thurman!) whiny Carson Palmer to help sell their sausages. Is there some sort of hot dog-packing special appeal that Palmer possesses that we’re unaware of? Is this a new trend in NFL endorsements, aside of Chunky Soup? (“Quarterback Jeff Garcia likes his CHEEZ-WIZ.”)