6 Shakespeare Adaptations That Would Make The Bard Vomit

Reading this piece counts as three credits towards an English major.

It’s hard to find any artist, let alone writer or playwright, that has a more revered and canonized body of work than William Shakespeare. His works have been treated reverentially by the most esteemed actors of this and previous generations. Unfortunately, his work isn’t just used as inspiration for great films. His seminal concepts and themes have been unavoidable in modern cinema because a) they’re timeless and rich, and b) lots of moviemakers are lazy. With the latter in mind, let’s take a look at a few instances in which the producers don’t do justice to the source material of their adaptations. Nope. Not one bit.

O – Othello

To give you an idea of what we’re dealing with here, O is a modern re-telling (something we’ll see lot of on this list) that was completed in 1999, but not released until 2001 because of the Columbine massacres. If you have to change the release date of your Shakespeare adaptation out of sensitivity to a school shooting, that should be a red flag right there.

This is one of those films where even the names of the characters are updated so that Iago is “Hugo,” Desdemona is “Desi,” Othello is now “OJ,” Rodrigo is “Roger,” and Cassio is “Michael Cassio.” The cast includes Mekhi Phifer, Julia Stiles, and Josh Hartnett, which leads me to believe that sensitivity to Columbine wasn’t the only factor in shelving this film for a couple years.

Sure, this isn’t a work for Shakespeare completists, but the fact remains that it’s a bad film and the fact that they soiled the Bard’s name with it is even worse.

She’s the Man – Twelfth Night

Amanda Bynes. Channing Tatum. Vinnie Jones: It’s like we’re back at the Globe Theatre! Basically, the team behind She’s the Man took a thoughtful and prescient look at gender studies and turned it into Reverse Ladybugs. Bynes plays Viola Davis, a girl who enters her brother’s school as a boy to play on the boys soccer team.

The school she enters is called Cornwall, which is a fun little nod, and its principal is played by David Cross, who is…not fun in almost any role besides Tobias Funke. This movie made $33,000,000 in 2006, which makes me wonder who exactly paid to see She’s the Man.

Ten Things I Hate About You – The Taming of the Shrew

I like this movie. It’s a fun script, and even though the performances in it are truly horrible, the premise lends itself to a teen film. I also go back and forth on whether 10 Things I Hate About You is supposed to be a sound-alike to The Taming of the Shrew. I refuse to look it up, because I don’t want to know for sure.

This film goes back and forth from being a colorful adaptation to looking like a Nick Original Movie (Larry Miller as the dad kills me). Further, I don’t believe that any characters had penises drawn on their faces. But Richard III is referred to as “thou misshapen dick” by the prince in Richard III, so let’s not rule any sophomoric intentions out just yet.

Deliver Us From Eva – The Taming of the Shrew

This is a film inspired and loosely based on The Taming of the Shrew, but features a title cribbed as a pun from the Lord’s Prayer. Wait I’m not done yet. It also stars LL Cool J and Gabrielle Union. Eva’s sisters all pay a handsome delivery man, Ray, (LL Cool J, natch) to entertain her and keep her out of their hair. The film culminates with Ray’s friends hatching a scheme to kidnap him, lie to Eva about his death, hope she leaves the city immediately, then let Ray go.

Shakespeare will rise from the grave to get his revenge.

Forbidden Planet – The Tempest

This was a groundbreaking film when it was released in 1956. It was the first sci-fi film set entirely away from Earth, and the first to feature an anthropomorphic robot as a character. So while the film may have been “important,” it’s difficult to say that it’s any good. While cribbing plotlines and themes from The Tempest, it’s hard to even take that ambition at face value, as most “lost in space” films tend to borrow heavily from the seminal work.

The biggest parallel here is that like The Tempest, Forbidden Planet spotlights a land under control of one man, seemingly through magic. The biggest difference is Forbidden Planet features a robot named Robbie.

Gnomeo and Juliet – Romeo and Juliet

Gnomeo features some strict adherence to its source material, save for the fact that the story is a forbidden love between two garden gnomes. In fact, they even reside in lawns belonging to families named Montague and Capulet, so no “inspired by” crap. This is the real deal.

Unfortunately, Gnomeo and Juliet borrows a page from the Shrek handbook and serves to be a little too self-aware to be taken seriously. Also, the film ends with (GNOMEO AND JULIET SPOILER AHEAD! WHICH IS THE WORST KIND OF SPOILER!) the two getting married on a lawnmower.