This blog is a result of the heavy censoring of the media by the military dictatorship regime.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Samoan PM blames global warming for Fiji-Tonga storm

Due to popular demand we're publishing one of the best salvos yet from Tuilaepa, Samoa's prime minister.

Tuilaepa has had a lively relationship with Frank Bainimarama but he delivers here what is probably his most amusing observation yet of the woes of his sparring partner.

Prime Minister Tuilaepa Sailele Malielegaoi who just returned from Turkey today blames the current storm-in-a-teacup between Fiji and Tonga on Global Warming.

Asked for comment, the Prime Minister in the best of the Samoan tradition of fagogo (spinning a yarn) said:

“After reading the reported facts, I am super clear that the Fiji colonel went out fishing and got into problems with the current that sucks every debris into the Tongan Trench.

“That the Tongan boat - basking in the sunny ocean - spotted the lone colonel and went in to help. That the fisherman was none other than King George’s relation is of pure coincidence.

“Only in the Pacific do coincidences of this nature are aplenty. So in essence, Commodore Bainimarama should be thanking the Tongan government for rescuing Mara.

“He should be telling off his own navy for not helping. Perhaps that’s what happens when their admiral spends all his time in politics leaving the navy headless.

“You see, if it wasn’t for the Tongan boat and its alert crew, Mara would probably be in South America by now. Bainimarama then should thank the Tongan king and apologize for all the trouble this incident had caused.”

The only complication these days, said Tuilaepa, are when one introduces un-Polynesian concepts such as sovereignty and territorial waters.

“Those are imported concepts. Back in the olden days, you are free to roam the oceans and feast on its bounties. It belonged to nobody but to everybody. It’s a way of life that is above and beyond the purview of modern-day international maritime law.”

“And drifting fishermen are not new in this part of the world especially as hundreds of fishing canoes leave the villages to go out to fish and joyride every day. Some fishermen occasionally get swept off to the open sea and get picked up by other fishermen in nearby islands. For Samoa, Tonga and Fiji, it is tradition that you go out and rescue strayed fishermen in distress then offer them your best hospitality.

“But these incidents are happening all too often these days. Climate change and global warming has meant stronger currents and more fishermen getting cast adrift.

“If anything then is to be blamed for the current Fiji-Tonga hair-pulling, it is climate change.

“Australia therefore should provide us with more naval boats and high-tech oceanic tracking equipment so we can quickly go out and rescue our castaway fishermen.

(Shaking head) “With the way they (fishermen) are getting carried out to sea at the moment, we might not have any more fishermen left by 2012. And if more colonels in Fiji go fishing – eventually – there will be no more army to prop up Baini.”

Samoa, the Prime Minister said, does not have a navy except for its lone Police patrol boat.

“In the villages, search and rescue is carried out by a flotilla of fishing canoes. So if one canoe is swept out, you can lose another 20 looking for it.”

The media, said Tuilaepa, are making too big a fuss of what is really a matter in the fale (house).

“It’s really a storm in a teacup. Fiji and Tonga are very close. We have a concept that best describes these two. The Samoan word togafiti aptly describes the warm relations that exists between Fijians and Tongans, the mutual backs-scratching in times of itchiness and the occasional brotherly squabble that occurs between these two.

Togafiti therefore in English, simply means, the Pacific Way.

His advice to Commodore Bainimarama?

“Go fishing. Likely you’ll be picked up by the same Tongan phantom boat that will take you to Nukualofa. After a long tit-for-tat there with Mara and the King, no doubt Bainimarama will come back ready to put Fiji back to the road to democracy and a better understanding of the rule of law and, of course, the law of the sea."

Thanks Mr Prime Minister of Samoa...It is hard to explain and Bainimarama will never understand the point you are trying to say. Simply because he was educated at Marist brothers and then went over to work for thr customs before joining the Navy. He never graduated from any Naval or Military College. That is why he never listen to advice. He only listen to Khaiyum and very soon they will be neighbours or even cell mates in Naboro.He doesn't understand the Pacific way. NOw he is more used to the Chineese and Muslim way. Because they are the ones who are filling up his pockets. What a shame...Go Samoa!!!!!

Yes, Bainimarama, too much navel gazing.That's why he is confused and delusional.He doesn't know who his friends are and who his enemies are."There is NO REST for the wicked.They are like the restless sea, turning up mire and dirt" (Isaiah 57:20)

Haha I was looking up the latest from the Samoan PM cause I knew he wud wip lash bai with pacific poison lingo like gutting a fish up. I wonder wot Baini response will be? A written speech by Kaiyum trying to be professional but nothing in the head. I hope Bai goes fishing n gets carried away to Cuba by the currents or be swept into Nukulau his future prison cell n all his thugs. Thank you Samoan PM : )

It is very easy to see the difference between brain and brawn. Thank you, Mr Honorable Prime Minister of Samoa. You put our dishonorable one to shame. It's a pity that the allusions, the subtle digs, the wordplays, etc will all just go over his head.

Ni bula vinaka Tuilaepa! Hilarious! Sa dina, we the nations of Samoa, Fiji, Tonga have an age old relationship that goes back to the dawn of time. It can be easily proved that we are family. My prayer is that parliamentary democracy will be restored to Fiji. And God Bless the Pacific Triangle.

PM Tuilaepa is the embodiment of Pacific Political Tradition & Culture... He may be one of the last of the Mohicans of our Pacific Leaders (Inclu Somare) and I wonder whether he can consider delivering a 101 Course on Pacific Politics to Tu Bai & Tu Khai.

Reading between the lines of PM Tuilaepa's speech, the underlying message is "BAINIMARAMA & ROKOULUI ARE CHILDISH UPSTARTS WHO WERE THRUST FORWARD TO LEADERSHIP ROLES BEFORE THEIR TIME"

Witty! Great to have a leader with brain and position. Points at conciliatory way of resolving a tight situation.Shows also someone who understands history - the pirates of the south sea traversing the pacific ocean on drua - no sovereignty no territorial EEZ then.

Sovereignty is when you get caught, you get the boat confescated. But Toangan are in and out, so no case to answer.

Driti, you try the deisel engine fishing boat that goes out to Levuka and Labasa. Buy a boat, load your family, Ului's family and one way journey. You don't need flare when you have mobile phone to make distress calls.

The dictator is finished as the fact is people of fiji no longer beleive him and have no faith or respect for him, its right he should go fishing as well but better be careful as tongans aint coming to rescue him and take to kings house in tonga-they might shoot at the sinking bilibili of voro

I hope and pray that Bani/Ayarse or their shitheads reading this article by PM Samoa.

This simply shows that what laughing stock PM of Fiji and the rest of has become. They are all laughing on this dumbo PM of Fiji who is acting like a macho. They all know how stupid and childish he is.

Fellow Fijian like with little more brain than Bani should feel ashamed to have a PM like this. I wonder the others also must be laughing at us saying "stupid lazy fijians, they cant do anything about this dumb ass and accepting whatever he does.

What a shame.......shame ....shame .....shame.........to all of us living in this era under this arrogant , big headed stupid asshole..........

Storm in a tea-cup = non-issue. Greater things to worry about in the Pacific like global warming than fishing-rescue-turn-fugitive-extradition case. Poke fun@n illegal regime in Fiji for sleeping on the job. Baini- go fishing, probably why he's spending more time in Kadavu, maybe trying to retrace the currents that swept Roko Ului away!

Tuilaepa is an idiot. Hands down the most stupid leader in the pacific. Half the comments on this post are being made by his propaganda poodle bum boy Terry Tavita Tupuola trying to make his boss look like a hero. Samoa getting jealous no one talking about them showing how unimportant they are. Pls improve your education system so your PM can have good grammar. He is behaving like a foolish clown trying to get in on the action. Stick to driving on the left.

Prez says he really would have like to have returned from Rotuma sooner to take PM to task but he heard a rumour that global warming had caused the waters to rise by 80meters overnight and the only transport available was a surfboard that had washed up on the shore earlier that day.

NEWS FLASH !!!

The fine folk in Kadavu are not themselves today. Quarrels are breaking out everywhere as everyone is accusing their neighbors of having stolen their household stashes of coconuts and homegrown marijuana.

NEWS FLASH !!!

The PM has arranged his boat transport to Suva. VERY CLEVERLY, he has substituted a life size Elvis doll to go in his place. He is pretty certain that no-one will notice the fraud as he has dressed Elvis in a Bula shirt and sulu. As a final touch, he decided his decoy should carry his favorite red bucket.

Now done with those little niceties, he is ready to set sail in the opposite direction in his super duper totally think-out-of-the-box new coconut raft. To pass the time (and because it is recommended by his doctor!) he will puff the time away and hope to arrive in (Taveuni - oops! - no. Can't go there. NZ - oops! They wouldn't be too happy to see him either. Tonga - ah - no.) Well, no matter. He's smart. He's a Commodore. Something will occur to him.

NEWS FLASH !!!

Man wandering around at JJ's for days now. Looks a bit lost. But, no. Wait! His face is lighting up as he views the TV at the bar. The 6 o'clock news is reporting that the PM is due back in Suva any moment now.

He is elated as he wants to offer a one of a kind deal to him about some great real estate called Champagne Beach. Good thing he brought a prospectus with him!

NEWS FLASH!!!

Hong Kong is reporting that a man was found more dead than alive on a nearby beach. He told reporters that he owed his life to the convoy of pigs that had followed his boat. A gust of wind had knocked his golden sail off his boat but he bravely paddled until, within sight of shore, the boat flipped him into the water. Next thing he knew, he was spread-eagled on the beach with one of the pigs giving him mouth-mouth resuscitation. He says that when he opened his eyes and saw her, it was love at first sight. A June wedding has been planned.

Isn't God gracious? A safe journey for Ratu Mara.No hurricanes.No Tsunami.No sharks jumping out of the ocean to bite him. Just floating happily on a tinny boat.I pray that God would be gracious to us too.Fijians, Indians, Others.We don't deserve it but I pray that He will restore us to what we once were. A place without bullying thugs. A place of honesty and integrity and care for our fellow men.May God bless Fiji. May God also bless Tonga and Samoa.May God crush our enemies to dust.And may God bless the future generation who will run this country.

the gcc should just reconvene and hold the meeting by monday.. its gcc dat can solve fijis problem.. get ur status and ur dignity back from the corrupt regime.. dont let the guns dictate u.. to all our high chiefs.. fiji needs your blessing and direction

Please Tuilaepa, come and take Baini and his Taliban comrade Aliarse....take them to Samoa to clean the lavartories of your prisons. Also, we hereby give them over for Manu Samoan boys to increase their fitness by using these two as punching bags.

breaking news- voro and his 50 guards are training at qeb at cover of dark preparing to travel close to tonga fishing and then make a distress call then invade and takeover tonga- they say something like clean up time for themselves as the waters is too tempting for the junta to invade tonga and swim in its soverign waters

What's all this fuss about Tongan invasion. It's obviously a palace to palace connection. Have we forgotten that we are ruled by a Tongan. Though Maafu couldn't quite make it, but there you have it, more than a century later we have one sitting on the throne right here in Fiji..Oh boy history marvels eh..There you have it - who arranged for RU's escape is a foregone conclusion...

$200 a day and 50 special guards, quite a lot of money indeed to maintain these guys. I'm sure govt does not have it. So whose footing the bill..must be some private funds coming in from Chinese First Raiway, Tapoos which is from our FNPF money anyway, Quality Print, Lalas, Joe's farm, Punjas and some wealthy Muslims and couple others..

@anon 6.49am. Love that name "Condom Bai". If only his father had worn it that night, we wouldn't have all these trouble. AK was conceived some other way. maybe love child of bin laden and one of 64 virgin sheep on the back of camel trailer.

Hong Kong correspondants are now reporting that "castaway man" (as they refer to him) received a phone call that has changed his upcoming nuptial plans. He indicated to reporters that the call originated from JJ's and that he could almost smell pork sizzling on the grill there. Apparently a one time real estate offer (second time around) demands his full attention and presence because, in his words, he "doesn't want to miss out on a pork dinner." His future bride is distraught and was last seen regrouping her convoy.

NEWS FLASH !!!

Fiji military intelligence (2 people) is said to have hit a roadblock in trying to "out" bloggers who don't support the PM. The problem? It would appear that approximately 795,000 would need to be arrested. Hmmmmmm. They are now huddled in debate as to an adequately sized location for a prison populace this size.

How do you know Bainivuaka is lying?When Aiyarse speaks.Tuilaepa is only adding to what we have always known, Bainivuaka is a joke and Fiji is a banana republic. Semi meow should consider becoming a comedian for vuaka.

We just need to plan a concerted attack on the www.fiji.gov.fj web site. Lets show the Condom Baini that we have the power to bring his regime down from cyberspace. This will also show the people that by attacking the site together and making it meltdown that there is large number of people not happy with him.

Can C4.5 publish a date and I am sure we have enough experts here to help guide the best way to plan this attck.

Lets start to hurt him. Its just collective all of us to start visting his website and making request simultaneously. or is there another method? there is no crime in visiting the site so no one will be in trouble. But we all need to visit it same time and start clicking on menu same time.

Gotta love Pacific humuor, love it even more coming from a head of state....he's such a natural @ it as well...Have we ever seen Bainivuaka crack a joke that lit up his whole face???...He only makes sarcastic comments which he laughs @ himself & those goons around him have to laugh along too to save face...He looks like he's got botox everytime he's on tv...Bainivuaka your days are numbered...Who do you think will have the last laugh then???