When individuals come to me for help, the question I get most often is: “How can I be happy with my life”?

The first question I ask them is whether they have looked every place in their life for happiness. I’m thinking if they can’t find it, for whatever reason, it must be hiding somewhere they haven’t looked or maybe it doesn’t exist at all for them. I believe that the latter is always a possibility, at least in some of our fellow human’s minds.

Nonetheless, I am going to let all of you in on a little secret of mine — happiness is not a destination, material things do not buy you happiness, nor is it something that is magically found. Of course I do believe that everyone has their own definition of happiness, and this is where it can get confusing for some individuals.

But have no fear — social media is here, and has created this outlet for us all, one of which I have labeled comparison shopping. The best definition I have come up with for comparison shopping is, “the ability to compare prices and quality of competing products.” Now the secret to comparison shopping on social media outlets like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram is for us to compare how much happier other individuals are, or at least that is what we choose to believe — the operative word here being “choose.”

For example, look at a movie star’s life. Most individuals would look at their lives and think, “Wow, those people must be happy because they have fame, money, big houses, expensive cars, nice clothes and can buy whatever they want.” However, in reality they are searching for happiness just as we are and that is evident in their self-destructive behaviors, which for some include drugs, alcoholism, broken marriages and the list goes on and on.

However, in my pursuit of happiness I can assure you that my definition does not include any movie star’s life or any of the phrases, “bigger is better,” “the grass is always greener on the other side,” or what I call the “Cinderella Syndrome,” where we believe that only others can make us happy.

In fact, we believe it is their job to make us happy. It is sad that some people are waiting for someone to place that glass slipper on their foot and when that happens they will magically be happy. I can say with confidence that this irrational line of thinking died long ago for me, and when that untimely death occurred I chose to begin a new journey. This new adventure would take me down a road I was not familiar with and honestly was scared of, but it was the start of creating my own definition of happiness. The road in my journey did not include “comparison shopping,” and the end result was not a life of “skipping down the yellow brick road of happiness” but instead one of finding peace and contentment, none of which money can buy.

So to help you begin your journey, I have listed some ways that may aid you in your pursuit to find your own definition for proverbial happiness:

• Don’t comparison shop on social media sites. What you see posted on social media sites are only half-truths. Don’t compare your life to others who are in cyberspace or even living next door. Avoid adopting their definition of happiness, which may not be realistic for you or even for them.

• Change your perception of other people. It only looks as if everyone has a great life except you. It’s easy to fall into this trap. Realize that everyone has problems and that your life is what you make it and how you work at it.

• Be kind. Being kind to others does not cost anything, and can actually help you feel good about yourself. Along with that comes an overall outlook of feeling positive, which will carry over into all areas of your life to promote happiness. Not all people will respond to your kindness with kindness, but that is not the point. Keep in mind that you are being nice and kind to others to benefit you not anyone else.

• Acknowledge others. This is one of my best “I feel good about me” secrets that I am sharing. Making eye contact and saying, “hi or hello” to other human beings no matter who or what they are, can only bring about positive feelings for you, which will aid you in finding your definition of happiness.

Keep in mind that it is easy to get stuck along the journey to finding your definition of proverbial happiness, but I can assure you that even when you fall along the path, as long as you pick yourself up and keep moving, at some point you will find peace and happiness. Remember in life there is never a destination, only the journey and I can tell you that my journey so far has been a pretty great one, even with all the bumps in the road. Hopefully along your bumpy journey, you too will find peace and happiness.