Liveblogging! “It’s Too Damn Early,” 1/1/11

Happy New Year! I’m celebrating the occasion with a mix of hyper-futurism, and the best of 2010– I haven’t got my official Top 12 Best Happy Neat-O List completely squared away, but you can bet that a lot of today’s broadcast will be making the cut. I’ve also brought in my vuvuzela, which is my friendly alternative to the gunfire I heard earlier this morning. It’s also way more fun– it sounds like a cross between a failing boat horn and a giant bumblebee!

But before we get to the playlist, let me tell you a bit about the future we’ve tuned into this morning. Connected as it is to this very moment (where generations of the future’s students who furiously sniffed insta-learn crystals in all night cram sessions will happily tell you is the moment where we collectively decided that theirs was the future we actually wanted) one can certainly understand our interest.

I’m sorry to say that direct knowledge of the future would melt your brain, as it is lacking the extra quantum mer-lobe that future generations will evolve during our time living in the sea during the Tri-Glacial Period. But I can get you close.

1) Put your right arm behind your head until it goes to sleep.
2) Rapidly inhale one tablespoon of cocoa powder through a thousand-dollar bill.
3) Listen to the following playlist: