Mean Me

Oh, I hope he responds. It’s true. I’m anticipating a fight. I’m anticipating starting and fanning the flames of a fight. It’s entertainment. Plus, he’s just some guy. I have been used in most of my relationships with men (not all), so why shouldn’t I use some guy who wants me to be someone I’m not?

8 comments

This is a very revealing piece in many ways. Personally I think cynicism is just laziness. It’s much easier to be the cynic and say no, won’t work all the time than it is to be hopeful or optimistic. Cynicism= laziness.

Cynicism can also be the emotional baggage left from fear and hence a form of fatalistic realism born of experiences that leave an indelible mark. Cynics keep the world humble and optimists keep the world hopeful. A perfect balance perhaps? 😉

As for picking a fight, poking at men; one does it so often because otherwise they are like a baked potato. If you don’t get through the skin, you never know what’s in there; they just sit there all lumpy until they grow cold – and you lose interest.

I can’t see cynicism as laziness, except when it’s predictable – and one should never be predictable.

When people call me lazy, I say thank you. Hope does not float in my cesspool. It sinks to the bottom and I’ll be damned if I’m going down in there. So I can accept the lazy part. Cynicism is broader than an oversimplified definition of laziness. It’s resignation, it’s a residue that is impossible to get off, and I supposed I’ve decided it’s not temporary; it’s an Absolute in my life…which seems accurately described by Val’s “fatalistic realism.” I carry the shit I’ve been given and the shit I’ve created. Sometimes, a wee bit of hope breaks off and rises to the surface. I enjoy it while it lasts. I should hope I am not predictable, but I fear I might be…at least a little.

Men are mazes. I will run in circles trying to find the center for only so long. Then it’s time to commence with the bulldozing. I admit to relishing the bulldozing. But. Trust me, my guy likes it. He needs to be challenged. And it’s fine if he tells me where to go as a result of my aggression. Trust me on this as well, passivity is a much more fatal flaw.

Look. I’ll say this. I’ve see how hard M’Lady has worked to remain a cynic. Sometimes she breaks a sweat doing so. Sometimes she exercises her muscles by parading about in high heels (and nothing else) to add definition, all for the men, all to maintain a level of cynicism that they are only interested in her legs and perhaps her woo-ha (tighten and release… now repeat). She’ll pop those pills with the best of them and you should see how she brings those bottles of Coke Zero to her lips. Sometimes she works on picking a single fleck of skin from her nose for hours. Sometimes for days. She has many facets of her being, but laziness is not one of them.