on Sun Jul 01, 2012 10:35 am

Moderator

Posts : 1110

Join date : 2010-11-01

Age : 106

Location : MARS

The E3 that Never Was

Once upon a time, therewas a time where E3 never happened. Just kidding ok. So Microsoft went up onstage and declared “We’re going to be original now! No more Halo! No more COD!No wait that was activision oh wait IM STILL TALKING TROLOLO! No more XBOX 360fan boys! *guns cock in the distance* NO MORE WINDOWS VISTA!” The crowd cheeredas Microsoft stood still for silence. “And no…more…KINECT!” And Microsoft tookthe kinect and ripped it in fives as the crowd roared in approval and went intoa feeding frenzy. They were being cannibals by the way, Shia Labeouf and stuffyou know. Then Sony went up and was like “WE AREN’T RIPPING OFF SMASH BROSANYMORE!” The crowd tehn went into another feeding frenzy before beinginterrupted again as Sony announced the PlayStation 5000. Then, because ofbeing interrupted and cause of the PlayStation 5000, they ate Sony. So Sonydied that day the people were happy. Ubisoft became Ubihard, EA Games became EEGames, and Activision set themselves on fire as a sacrificial sacrifice to theMayan gods. However they didn’t exist so the crowd ate them for lunch instead.Mmmmmm, toasty. Quizno’s, eat COD. And by cod I mean the fish ok. The next day,Nintendo was supposed to go on. However, Sega suddenly appeared and announcedtheir new console, the DreamWeaverCastFoxNews, with their new mascot, Sonic theBill O’Reily Show. The crowd roared with praise and crowned Sega their newalien overlords. Sega was carried away into their new throne room as Miyamotoscuddled on stage. He stood there, stared by the hungry audience for more vydiogaems. Vydio games.

Vydio games.

Vydio games.

Vydio games.

The crowd chanted,drooling and foaming at the mouths. Miyamoto finally smiled, and from hispocket he pulled out not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7, not 7again, not 9, not 10, not 11, not (200000000 times later) not 200001234914, but200001234915 Pikmin 3 game copies and threw them into the crowd. Zman was thefirst to jump and squeal like a girl and when he caught the game he didn’t falldown, but fell up. In fact, everyone who got the game fell up cause it was ananti gravity case revealing Nintendo’s new console, the Nintendo Steam. GabeNewell waddled on stage and delayed Episode 3 by -205 years, meaning it cameout 50 years ago. Everyone cheered cause this meant a time machine wasinvented, but it didn’t. It just meant that Episode 3 was finally on stores thenext day, cause it would be the 50th year anniversary of Episode 3being released. Duh, stupid bakas. So like M. Bison walked down the street andfound that Ryu was talking trash about him in their secret underground illegalpillow fights. Sure, Ryu was the best pillow fighter in the world, but itdidn’t mean he was the best taste tester. Bison bested him at that, but he gotannoyed a lot cause Sagat would often taunt him, offering him Cornflakes allthe time cause that’s how Bison won the lost competition of tasting food andstuff. Cause cornflakes is a DELICACY INTHIS WORLD OK GOSH STOP CRITICIZING WHAT LITTLE LOGIC I HAVE GEEZ.

So yeah. That was thisyear’s E3 in a nutshell, oh wait a second I left out the part where AnimalCrossing was also announced for a release in the fall, along with B/W2, Luigi’sMansion 2, Paper Mario 3DS, a new good Star Fox game, a new 2D Metroid in theform of Fusion, a new Metroid Prime 4 by Retro Companies, a new Legend of Zeldabetter than Skyward Sword to appeal the CL clones that were produced in themass production of Rodrigo Cobocruzstilwell. And finally, but not least,definitely not least, Sakurai teleported onto the stage at the very last secondand announced his immortality, meaning the infinite creation of Smash Bros forfuture generations. Sega was thusly kicked out into the queens room, and becameNintendo’s bitch. Sony and Microsoft died by the way, just saying.

Oh, and Cave Story wasannounced to be the best game in the history of vydio gaems.