Councils, Ranked

We’re going to give you a peek into The Process today: How stuff gets ranked. I’m going to lift the veil of secrecy and show the names of who lists what, and how we hash out our differences, with time stamps and everything. You won’t be disappointed.

As always, these rankings are authoritative.

Our text message conversation picks up on Saturday at 3:45 PM.

Scott: “Councils, Ranked” (15:45)Steve: “10. War” (15:46)Scott: “10. The Family Council in which I rip my kids a new one for never putting their empty yogurt containers in the trash.” (15:46)Steve: “9. Experimental Dorito Flavor” (15:46)Steve: “Wait, that’s counsel, not councils” (15:47)Scott: “7. at Rivendell” (15:47)Steve:: “(Council of Elrond)” (15:47)Scott: “Elrond, of” (15:47)Steve: “6. Robber council of Ephesus, which was a real thing, apparently” (15:53)Steve: “5. Great Council of Twizzlers, which is the governing body of movie snacks” (15:55)Steve: “(controversial because obviously they’re skewed towards BIG TWIZZLER)” (15:55)Steve: “I feel like you’re leaving me hanging here.” (15:58)Scott: “Sorry, had to start driving!” (16:39)Steve: “Sheesh” (16:39)Steve: “4. Ward Council, if by ‘Ward’ you mean ‘Mount Midoriyama’ and by ‘Council’ you mean ‘Ninja Warrior'” (16:41)Steve: “3. The Council where Steve and Scott get together to Rank stuff, only Scott leaves Steve hanging so Steve does the whole list himself and nobody can tell the difference” (16:44)Steve: “2. High, but not the kind you think” (16:48)Steve:“1. The one where men and women are complete equals and decisions are made by perfect unity and everyone high fives at the end or bows with mutual respect, either way” (16:49)Scott: “I have to go to SLC for work next Friday. Crash at your house?” (19:40)Steve: “Sure, so long as you post up that ranking I gave you verbatim.” (19:42)

Comments

You guys just broke the fourth wall! My testimony has been irreparably shattered. I thought these rankings were the result of an intense revelatory process, but now learn you just make things up as you go along. It’s like when I learned that my YM calling wasn’t because my Bishop was told by a wise Heavenly Father that I would be a profoundly positive influence on the spiritual lives of the youth, but was really because I had a car. I feel lost.

Council of Nicaea where Mormons were not invited.
Jedi High Council with President Kimball presiding.
Council of the Pack, Akela presiding, where it was agreed to adopt Mowgli.
All the Smith family councils discussing adding new (female) council members.

To be authoritatively ranked, does a council have to have Council in its name? Were the Second Continental Congress, the Third Convention, and the Lautaro Lodge disqualified? And by “authoritatively ranked,” are we to understand “as ranked by 3rd lieutenants in the Council of Heaven”?

See I thought Steve would go all meta on us and throw in the BYU Honor Code Council. Or maybe better, the ultimately titled “Council of Councils” from the Council on Foreign Relations. How does it get better than that?! Or maybe the Council for Counselors.

As for #2 Steve just wanted to slip a 420 joke in while no thinking no one was watching. So that’s why you always seem to have the munchies?

Counsel of Fifty and Danites should be on there. Someone I know, knows someone whose husband is a Danite. I don’t know what that means in today’s time but scarey, or weird or funny. I’m not sure which.