Aiza, lilipad ng US para sa planong IVF

Last year ko pa gustong magsulat ng reflection ko nitong nakaraang taon. Hindi ko mai-put together ‘yung mga iniisip ko at nararamdaman ko. Halo-halo na rin kasi. But I feel we need to go back to 2016 to get to where I’m at right now.

“Looking at my Facebook On This Day timeline, huli akong nakapagsulat for New Year noong pagpasok ng 2016. Hindi siya pagninilay-nilay but for the first time, isinulat ko ‘yung mga plano ko sa buhay ko. I’m not a planner so for me to have goals is something big.

“I wrote 3 things na gusto ko mangyari sa buhay ko. Una, gusto ko makapag-direct ng sariling film. 2017 marked my 30 years in the industry and I wanted to celebrate it by directing my first feature film. Sobra akong excited mangyari ‘yun. After being in the industry for a long time, I felt it was the direction I really wanted to take. Liza and I had so many stories na gusto namin gawing pelikula. From shorts to feature films. Every day, we would talk about these stories, how to make it better. For the first time in a long time, I was excited. At kung kilala mo ako, alam mong hindi ako madaling ma-excite.

“The second one, and perhaps the most important one, is for us to fly to the US for about 3 months and start our IVF journey. We’ve always wanted have a baby. Kahit si Amara excited. Sinisumulan na namin ang pagpaplano, kahit paano. I would need to work in the US for 3 months while we’re doing our check-ups and the whole thingamajig. Meron na kaming choices for clinics, may matitirahan na rin kami. May ilang shows na rin na na-book. Konting detalye na lang ang kailangan repasuhin pero pwede na i-go.

“Isa rin sa mga gusto ko mangyari is to be able to better provide for my family. Have more shows, more work, TV shows. Lahat na, para we have enough money to produce our films, do our IVF, live our lives and still be able to pay our bills and debts.

“This was my plan for 2016 and probably the next few years of my life. But as you all know, hindi ‘yun ang nangyari. Maganda na ‘yung standing ko sa trabaho ko rati. I am respected by my peers, I’ve found my place in this industry. Marami pang dapat ma-improve but generally, all is right in my world. People still buy my albums and watch my shows after being in this industry for a long time. I can support my family by doing something I love so much.

“Now, I am in a new world. Isang mundo na medyo pareho sa rati kong mundo but still very different. This is my second year working in the government but parang I still feel odd, I still feel out of place. Whenever I do something substantial it makes me alive. Parang ok lang na iniwan ko ‘yung dati kong mundo. I love serving the people. Pero we know that bulk of government work is bureaucracy and it’s something that I can never get used to.

“May trabaho pa ba akong babalikan after this? Will it be a totally different life after my stint in government? Am I doing an okay job? Am I really helping my country or am I slowly being sucked into the bureaucracy? Ako pa ba ‘to? Sino ba talaga ako?