So You Think You Can Dance

While everyone else obsesses over Big Brother, I am in love with Idol's summertime lil' sibling, because I myself am a dancer. Actually, "was" a dancer, from age 3-18, until college kind of cut out the possibility of going to my hometown dance studio every week. Nevertheless, I have many years of tap and jazz under my belt, a couple of lyrical, and though I never took hip-hop myself, I watched the numbers in the recital every year, so at least I somewhat understand the moves. They rarely use the term "jazz" on the show, so I'll add my explanation...

People always get confused when I tell them I do jazz dance, you see, as they think of jazz music. No, jazz is more like...what the back-up dancers for various pop singers do. We dance to those types of songs, and the movement is generally fast-paced and complex like that. And that's my background. I was never in competition or anything, but it was one of the defining parts of my life. And so unlike with AI, where everyone sounds alike to me, sharp or flat, on the dance show I can actually tell good technique from bad. Makes the show much more fun.

I watched the show last year, and enjoyed it, but last week was the first time THIS summer that I figured out what day/time it was on. So now, I'm properly hooked, and happy I have a show to watch and write about for the dry spell of summer. :)

Changes from last year: this host is a marked improvement over last year's, even though she still kind of annoys me. I still love the theme song; it makes ME want to dance. I still love Nigel, who is like a less cranky and considerably fairer version of Simon Cowell. I also like how the rest of the panel goes on a rotating basis. Keeps them from falling into roles/ruts. PAULA.

And although my power went out last Thursday and I missed the results show and had to look up which girl was missing, I instantly missed Ben and sobbed my heart out, because Ben was awesome - everyone on this show really stands out, seems really unique and sort of super-human in some way, but he was like a guy I might meet up with at school. And he was hilarious. And he also had the best hair, which is not really a hard thing to achieve among this group, but still, he was cute and lovable. And I may have cried after the shock settled in and I realized he was no longer on the program.

ANYWAY!

With him gone, my vote for "fave dancer" is going to have to go to either Martha or Danielle. I like Dmitry well enough, but he's too popular. Not nearly as swoon-worthy as all the women seem to think he is. That is all you need to know for now.

Lalala...40 minutes of filler that was barely worth watching, much less reacting to...oh, here we go, now the dancing's starting. This week is extra-special, as you get to hear my thoughts on each contestant as a person, and then we move to their dance.

Heidi:She reminds me of Reese Witherspoon a little, doesn't she? Something about her face seems vaguely familiar. I hope she doesn't win, or anything, but I like her a sight more than some of the other girls. So cheerful. And her African Rumba dance last week was AMAZING. She's kind of freaking hyperactive, though. Ryan: Now, why the hell couldn't you eliminate him? He's friendly, nice enough, easy-going, but not outstanding. Dances well, I admit. I'm always surprised by how such a boring person does so well on the dance floor.The Dance: Uh...yeah. Who thought it would be cute to dance around the stage in Tighty Whities? Oh, wait, I think those are supposed to be really short shorts. But honestly. It looks like men's underwear. Or possibly a diaper. And I didn't really see any need for hyperactive pelvis thrusts at the audience. That was more than a little offputting. (especially the ones after the dance was over) Same for the convulsions at the end. "Funky little white girl" is...I don't know why she's so excited about putting on a "new and different" persona. It's creepy and unnatural.

HE, on the other hand, was pretty overall awesome. The music was good, too.

I'm going to say it one time tonight: the whorish self-promoting they do, frantically holding up their number with their fingers going "OMGSPAZZPLZVOTE4ME" really gets on my nerves. Even more than the way the two gross, sweaty people glom all over each other immediately afterwards, hugging away (while they whorishly promote themselves).

#2: Martha: She's awesome. I have in my head the awesome hip-hop routine from 2 weeks ago, and they were GREAT then. She's fit and furious, and I love her. She has so much ATTITUDE; she's a serious dancer. She's not all that pretty - eyes and mouth sort of bulge - but she's got a figure to die for (I said it before Nigel), and I love watching her dance.Travis: He's pretty funny, and like Ben reminds me of a normal person, except for that NASTY hair. Spikes are bad enough, but that gross shaved streak? It's like, hickster and scuzzy, and partially shaved hair is one reason I so despised Bucky on American Idol.

The Dance: Oh, Martha is looking HOT. Sweet dress, goregeous hair, and that red lipstick does wonders. I never enjoy ballroom dancing of any kind, and tonight is no exception - especially that creepy ogling of her backside - but they were pretty good. FYI, I always pay more attention to the girl than the guy. Sorry. That's just the way it goes in partner dancing.

#3:Ashlee: She's kinda hipster, definitely and obviously a New York Girl. I do not love her. I was always very disappointed that such a stupid, irritating, brash, big-lipped girl got paired with the sweetest boy in the competition, and you have no idea how disappointed that the partnership is finally ended but that it comes at the expense of his ejection rather than hers.

Dmitry: I couldn't stand him at first, but he's grown on me. Okay, it's probably the accent. I am a total sucker for accents. but I also thought he was really pompous and arrogant before, but lately he seems a lot friendlier and more personable. And I admit, it's been obvious from the beginning that he's an amazing dancer. Why does he have bad luck with his partners? Um, probably because he's been paired with really stupid girls who, by comparison, completely suck. That's why they get kicked out and he stays strong. Duh. (I really hope Ashlee's i nthe bottom three tonight)He's actually turning into kind of a sweetheart. Hope he sticks around for a while, actually.

Quote: "He has had trouble in the past with partnerships; I don't know if its his fault or her fault...every M-W-F he goes to counseling..."

The Dance: Oh, God, I don't even know where to start. "Shocker of the show" is right. In a bad way.

Dear Brian: Do you need to have your HEAD examined? I think you do. How the hell is "Dance Dance" (by Fallout Boy) a story about a doll being animated to life by a magician? Do you see anything in the lyrics to suggest that? Because I sure as hell don't. And it's a ridiculous choice of music for this style. That is NOT a contemporary (otherwise known as "lyrical") dance. You could have taken a slow song and made it beautiful, even if they weren't experienced. Lyrical is all about exaggerated arm movements anyway.

You know what else looked ridiculous? Dmitry. Oh my God. What a freaking stupid costume. He's like a very dignified dog being dressed up in a Halloween costume. And HER? Good God. The Alice-in-Wonderland costume, the crazy lipstick to give her a perpetual pout...it was FREAKISH. You know what? There are no more words for this. It was a horrific production. I don't think the dancing was all that great, either. It was just okay. I predict bottom 3, even though I'm biased.

It's a real pity, because some of the choreography in there was really neat. But it just DID NOT fit together as a package.

#4: Natalie: Is so boring that every week, I go, "who? what? Was she on this show last week?"Musa: He, on the other hand, is great. I love watching him break-dance, but it doesn't really matter what he's doing. He's a fantastic dancer.The Dance: "Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, tonight..." What I love about this show is how I actually recognize AND LIKE at least half the music, unlike AI, where of all the people combined, they have about one good song every other week. They were hot stuff. And yes - Natalie's lifts were SPECTACULAR. Less spectacular was her dress, whose spangles were cool, but whose exceedingly low neckline and push-up bra was, oh, gross. She doesn't need to look so haughty-hoity-toity while number-whoring either; no wonder I hate her. What's up with the little pinky pointing to the mouth?

#5: This Is My Favorite CoupleDonyelle: I think she's beautiful. Her eyes creep me out a little bit - some African Americans with light-colored eyes are attractive (Gary Dourdan), but on her she reminds me a little bit of a spook, a phantom, something a little ethereal...but still, she's gorgeous. She's the first person to make me understand how "curvy = sexy." And she dances like WOW. And her personality is hilarious. I love her....whoa, and I just looked up people on the official site, and she's 26?? No way. I can't believe she's a day over 22. Frankly, I guessed 19 or 20. Benji: He's a little wild-eyed, and I don't love spikes; otherwise he would come right before Travis and right after Ben in "like a normal person I might see in class." I probably love him more than I normally would just because he and Dani - I'm spelling her name the way I prefer it; "Donny" is in no way feminine - have such great, visible chemistry. Most of the partners don't have that.

I maintain my position that you cannot dance a waltz to a song with lyrics. But that's okay. Dani's dress was BEAUTIFUL, filmy black with roses, oh my GOD, can I steal it? Didn't love her hair so much, curled bangs plastered to her forehead, so apparently those hair and makeup people I wanted fired last week still have jobs. (although, seeing Ashlee, I ought to have known that) Benji's hair: gel is always bad. Oh, and the dancing. It was nice. Nice lifts and spins. Ending = smoky. Number-whoring = almost non-existent, as Dani was more interested in giving her partner grounds for a sexual harassment suit. Hah.

Random: This is as good a time as any, I suppose, to add that Judge Mary (Murphy) is like, a total redneck. She should choreograph every week, to keep her off the judging panel. I hate her voice; it's so harsh, and her voice is like...Roseanne-grating.

#6:Allison: She should leave her hair curly all the time; I might recognize her next week. I never paid attention to her before, but with curly hair she looks like Hayden Pannetierre - whom I happen to adore - and it makes her prettier and more likable. I've had no love for Allison in previous weeks, deeming her forgettable. I think I like her now, though. Ivan: Yeah...there's something going on with the hair that prevents me from liking him when he's off the dance floor. Also, he looks approximately 13 years old.The Dance: HOLY SHIZ I love Allison's flirty-feather pants. I love her costume. I think I like it even more than Danielle's. She's got a pretty good figure too, doesn't she? Less pencil-tomboy than Martha, more feminine, but just as hot. Oh, right, the dance. That was hot. I might be forced to vote for them, even though I hate Ivan. Swing dancing is always hella awesome.

#7:Jessica: Looks a little like Sarah Jessica Parker. Every ounce as annoying. Also looks a little white-girl-ghetto-trash. I wonder if that's just because they're doing hip-hop this week? Somehow I think she looks like white trash all the time. Can we vote her out yet? She's a ballet dancer, and that is the only thing I like about her. Jaymz: OH MY GOD I HATE HIM. I despise every millisecond he is on screen. He is ugly. What is that FACE he makes every time he dances at the beginning. It's like he thinks he's really hot, even though he is about as attractive as a gorilla. He also seems gay, something tonight's pink hat and scarf did not really help. Also, he was an asshole and decided to shoot his mouth off instead of graciously accepting the VERY DESERVED criticism of the juding panel. The Dance: The dance was really fun to watch, except for biting the scarves, but they weren't always together (no, they weren't). Pity, because they had a lot of energy. So, fun dance, stupid dancers. I will in no way consider voting for them*.

*It should be noted that it doesn't actually matter who I want to vote for, because I don't have a phone. The phone is shared by the whole apartment, and I don't particularly want to go out in the living room, while they're watching TV, and silently punch a dozen numbers into a phone. It looks weird. (I'm not sure the other girls even know this show is on.) And my cell phone is paid for with phone cards, so I don't really want to spend minutes that way. I rarely watch the show as it airs, anyway, since I like to spin through commercials and Cat's teleprompt tripe. So, sadly, I cannot vote.

That was fun! I'll be back in a few hours to shoot my mouth off about the results show!