Here is another interesting perspective. Let’s say I break into your home ... What a great comparison!

A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!

It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV. Her point:

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let’s say I break into your home. Let’s say that when you discover me in your home, you insist that I leave. But I say, ‘No! I like it here. It’s better than my home.

I’ve made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors. I’ve done all the things you don’t like to do. I’m hard-working and honest (except for when I broke into your home).

According to the protesters:

You are Required to let me stay in your home!
You are Required to feed me!
You are Required to add me to your family’s insurance plan!
You are Required to educate my kids!
You are Required to provide other benefits to me and to my family!

My husband will do all of your yard work because he is also hard-working and honest. (except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my RIGHT to be there. It’s only fair, after all, because you have a nicer home than I do, and I’m just trying to better myself. I’m a hard-working and honest, person, except for well, you know, I did break into your home.

And what a deal it is for me!

I live in your home, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of cold, uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and bigoted.

Oh yeah, and I DEMAND that you learn MY LANGUAGE! So that you can communicate with me.

Why can’t people see how ridiculous this is? America is populated and governed by idiots!

Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’

Son: ‘Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’ Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’ Son: ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’

Brian and Jan were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Jan’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, ‘Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.’

Brian asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ‘Why, nothing, ‘ Peter replied, ‘remember, this is your reward in Heaven.’

Brian looked out the window and right there he saw a champion-ship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth...

‘What are the greens fees?, ‘ grumbled Brian... ‘This is heaven, ‘ St. Peter replied. ‘You can play for free, every day.’

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch. ‘Don’t even ask, ‘ said St. Peter to Brian. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.’

Brian looked around and nervously asked Jan’Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?’

‘That’s the best part, ‘ St. Peter replied. ‘You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!’

‘No gym to work out at?’ said Brian

‘Not unless you want to, ‘ was the answer.

‘No testing my sugar or blood pressure or... ‘

‘Never again’

Brian glared at Jan and said, ‘You and your F****kin Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!’

This genius is probably building something in his garage that will change the world as we know it. Read on.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. (?)

The answer by this student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, ‘ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct ... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’ ‘Oh my God.’

A blonde goes into a pizzeria and orders a family-sized pizza.
The pizza guy asks, “Do you want it cut into 6 pieces or 8?”
She replies, “6 pieces, I’m sure I couldn’t finish 8.”

What day most annoys senile people?
Memorial Day.

Several unmarried women were discussing “Where are all the handsome, caring, sensitive men?”
The conclusion? They all have boyfriends.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for over 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.

What do you get when you mix vodka into milk of magnesia?
A Phillips Screwdriver.

When asked how old he was, a 62 year old guy always said, “I’m in my early 30s ... second round”.

This one is compliments of J & B

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’ The husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Go ahead, ‘ she sobbed, ‘ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And the husband began -- ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued - ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said...

‘Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?

seeing that after 10 pages of this rubbish I haven't had a thumbs down (or even up) ............

1. Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink beer.
4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don’t touch them.
6. Love your neighbor. But don’t get caught.
7. Everyone should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

1. Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink beer.
4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don’t touch them.
6. Love your neighbor. But don’t get caught.
7. Everyone should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...

Outside Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, there is a huge billboard for a local restaurant with a picture of a moose and the comment: 'There is a place for all of Gods's creatures: right next to the mashed potatoes '.

If a stone falls on an egg: alas for the egg
If an egg falls on a stone: alas for the egg

These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area:

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Cesarean Section.”
A: The cesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set of tables, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said.
'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.
They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle.”
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President!