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Yes. I finally got to the punchline you guys had figured out 3 days ago.

🙂

FINALLY!

I had a really hard time with that second panel’s text. It’s saying WHAT I want…but I don’t think it “flows” the way I want.

Any thoughts?

I noticed that we’re getting quite a few ads on our Project Wonderful ads (seen above and to the right (and even at the bottom of the page). These bids are getting quite high (not that I’m complaining)…but I feel compelled to ask you all to please check out these advertisers as you see new ads come up.

With the loss of ADSDAQ (one of our advertisers that got out of the webcomics business this week)…we sure do appreciate our advertisers all the more.

I’m trying to keep the ads PG. So if you see something that’s not something you’d see in a PG movie…please let me know and I’ll deal with it. But so far everything has seemed quite decent.

I was thinking about yesterday’s comments, and I have to be the naysayer and say that I don’t think a Dreamland movie should be done with the current models. They are good, but not big-budget-mainstream-movie good. With quality enhancements (mostly with fur/hair/fabric and other computation-heavy render tasks) I’m sure they’d be great. The characters can still look the same, have the same style, but be improved to fit better in this Pixar & Dreamworks dominated world. As is, movie critics would slam it for looking dated. They’re getting very picky with 3D.

AIE AIE AIE!! must be hard for the centaurs to find matching pairs of socks and shoes, if they ever did wear them… X_X. and ads rn’t a problem if they keep you above water!! Yogurt would be so proud of these Merchandisers!

Bah, don’t listen to them. I got it fine on the first read through. Though, you might want to change the question mark to an ellipsis, because the inflection of the sentence would work better as a statement than an actual question, since the question itself seems to be rhetorical.

It might work as a statement of fact that Paddington doesn’t necessarily see as a joke …..
Panel 2: Well, it could be easier. It’s just a shame Centaurs can’t dance.
Panel 3: Oh…?
Panel 4: Well they have got two left feet.

… ahh, Scott, a punchline that Brad Guigar would be proud of… (I shall withhold any declaration as to whether that is a good thing or a not-good thing)…

… as to your concern about the second panel’s dialogue – what you have there is the defining difference between (dry) text and and (living) language… if I was handed that as a script I wouldn’t have a problem with it, giving emphasis to the ‘why’… it isn’t ‘elegant’ dialogue, true – but given the situation isn’t elegant either, the dialogue comes across as suitably ‘vernacular’…

Just maybe frame three should have had some dialog…..such as Alex saying, “No, Paddington, don’t say it!”

On a different note, one of the ads that keeps showing up is Geeks.com. I buy a lot of things from them and found them to be a great organization with good specials. I would encourage everyone to check them out.

I think both a shorter, smoother setup and a shorter, smoother punchline would be better. But, I think Paddington is going to be gentler, too. So no implication that centaurs can’t dance/won’t be able to dance.

I think the flow is fine. As far as I could tell, the punchline fit right in and I didn’t have any problem with it. If you had never mentioned it, I wouldn’t have even thought about it. Good Work, Scott.

Yup, I stumbled over Paddington’s Frame 2 word mush. I agree with Hottub, as well as that other person who agreed with Hottub, so that makes three of us:

“You know what they say about centaurs and dancing…”

That’s a consistent rhythm. da-DA-ba-da-DA-ba-da-DA-ba-da-DA-ba, as opposed to da-DA-ba-da-DA-ba-da-DA-DA-ba-DA-DA-word-mush, which is what it is now. That’s why it’s not sounding right to you.

For future reference, the most natural English speech is in iambic meter (ba-DA-ba-DA-ba-DA-ba-DA…), so that sounds the prettiest when you’re trying to make your lines smooth. Hottub’s suggestion is dactylic (BA-da-ba-BA-da-ba), which also sounds good.