Being Fat Kids At School | Romesh Chats To Desiree Burch

I’ll never forget, starting at uni, walking into, like a hall, like a uni party, and seeing a girl
with a full hijab just smoking the biggest
joint I’d ever seen. That’s a T-shirt, like, that’s a, that’s beautiful! That is, that is going to create,
like, racial harmony. My mum was such a feeder!
Yeah. Right? Like, to the point where the school
I went to contacted her to say, “Why are you giving him
so much food?” And then my mum was just,
“Just be a bit careful when “you’re eating around the school
because people might see you.” “People are judging you eating, so
just…” Yeah, and then… “..secret eat at school…” Yeah! “..then come home and binge
when you’re with Mum.” Yeah! Yeah. Yeah, and then everyone called
me Toilet Fatty cos that’s where I ate sandwiches. No! And then, like… Oh, my God, it’s the worst! Sorry, that was like visceral, like I felt, as another fat kid, like, I felt that in the deepest
part of my soul. It was horrible. I think the darkest times, for me,
were sometimes when I’d eat, like, a jar of chutney just on
its own. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, with a spoon. But, and the thing is, when you’re
doing that, you know, there’s no, like, the ending point
is the spoon hitting the glass. Yeah. Because like when you’re in
there, it feels like a job you have
to finish. Yeah. Like, you’re not even, you’re just
like, “Just get this over with!”
I know. “God”! And then you think, “If I leave this empty,” “then people are going to say, ” ‘Who ate half the chutney?’ “and I’m going to have to say, ” ‘I ate it with a spoon.’ ”
Mmm-hmm. Then I’ve gotta deal with that. As opposed to finishing it
and hiding the recycling. You get rid of the jar. Yeah. Nobody knows the chutney ever
existed. Exactly. Um… Yeah. This is so healing for me right
now, you don’t understand. So, what did you do at the cinema? You know, anything from like,
“Oh, here’s popcorn,” to cleaning out the
theatres afterwards. One of the things that annoys me
is that the popcorn’s so expensive, but it’s not just that
it’s expensive, it’s that you see them treating it
like shit… Yeah. ..as you approach.
Yeah. Like… Oh, yeah. ..they’re throwing it,
rolling in it. They’re throwing it,
dropping it on the ground.
Dropping it on the floor! They carry big sacks of it and spit into a sack and put it in the bin, and, and so you see that
it’s worthless. Yes. It obviously has no value. But you’ve had to pay £7 for it. But when you get there…it’s
suddenly this precious resource. I just don’t understand… They’re, it’s like they’re fucking
slamming it in your face, like, “We don’t give a shit about this
stuff.” Yeah. “But when you get here, it’s
going to cost you so much money.” So nobody ever did the dick in the
bottom of the popcorn thing? Well, I don’t know that I would have
been there for that, like, how do you walk through with your little
flashlight? Like, “Is there any
dick in that popcorn?” Well, I’m just amazed
by the logistics of, like… cos you obviously see it in films
and stuff. Yeah. How do you get the popcorn to not
fall through the hole in the box? I know. And just like… When you’re
coming… ..this weird… Yeah. And then I would be frightened that
the core temperature of the
popcorn… Would be scalding! It’s gotta be volcanic, right?! Well, how are you going to explain
in ten years, “I got second
degree burns on my dong” “from sticking it in a box”?
“I didn’t know it was caramel.” SHE LAUGHS
Do you know what I mean? OK. What other jobs did you have, apart from that? I worked as a pro
dom for a while – that’s fun. A what?! A pro dominatrix for
a while. Holy shit, really?! That’s what you do when you’re a
girl and you graduate from college. So…how did you fall
into that line of work? You just ask, again. Right. A friend of a friend did it.
I was like, “That sounds cool.” Right. I showed up. They were like, “Cool, you’re hired,
buy yourself some clothes.” We all worked in an office building,
it was just… It was seriously like, furnishings
here, photography studio here… Yeah. ..dungeon! And what sort of shit did guys want,
what sort of stuff did…? I mean, you know, getting their ass
beat? Don’t skimp on any details! I mean, anything, just, like… You know… Spanking? Anything from spanking, flogging,
things like that. Being tied up. Lots of clothes pins on parts that
you don’t want clothes pins on. Are you serious? Oh, yeah.
That’s the fun one! SHE LAUGHS And then what would you do,
hang them up like a shirt?! I mean… You know,
to a certain degree. Did you have to talk to them
terribly, as well? Yeah, but the thing is,
if you’re the one who’s the dominant, all you have to go is
go, like, “shut up” and “crawl”. Right, OK. You know?
And then they’re like… You know? You can do terrible things
when you’re young cos you’re still made of cartilage,
you know? Like, you’re still bouncy and
you’re like, “Everything’s fine! “I just compartmentalise.” Yeah, “Nothing has a long-term
effect on me, this is great.” Like, “This is going to be great
and, like, it has nothing to do
with my parents.”

I'm fat and have always been, maybe since I was 11. It's something I've tried to change several times but I am a student (some of you may think this isn't an excuse but you're not in my shoes). I have lost weight but gained it back as I stumbled back on my bad habits. I'd like to say a big "FUCK YOU" to all the haters out there judging people based on their weight. Newsflash: You aren't helping by criticising. We know we're fat. People have other reasons for being overweight other than being lazy. I am overweight but I've never woke up and thought to myself: Let me eat a huge stack of pancakes with a shit ton of syrup and go back to sleep. Heck, I'm actually very active compared to most people. Rant over.

That dominatrix thing is SUCH an american thing. Ive met a bunch of american chicks that used to be DOMINATRIXESESESESSSS. "thats what u do when youre a girl…". Dont think she was kidding. Mericans r fucked up

That awkward moment when you have to google someone to find out they're a comedian. Romesh had to work hard to keep the gag rate up. It's hard work trying to build a comedy rally when the other person doesn't even have a racket.