TIME

1872

Author's Notes

There's no balloon!
First
and foremost. I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but there's no balloon. I
cannot stress this enough. I've said this from the very
first day when
several of my friends and I sat around discussing one of our favorite
subjects---what
novels would make good stage adaptations---and Around the World in 80
Days
came up. Someone said, "It'll be great. We'll follow the balloon
from country to country." I piped in with, 'There's no balloon." I
hadn't
even read the novel but somehow I knew there wasn't a balloon in it.
How
I knew this little bit of trivia I'll never know. It's like my knowing
that Hack Wilson holds the single season RBI record. It's just
something
I know. There's no balloon. There's no balloon in the book. There's no
balloon in my script. It's the curse of the movie, really. The first
one.
The one with David Niven. It won five Academy Awards. The film had a
balloon.
It's what everyone remembers. But there's no balloon in the book and
there's
no balloon in this show. So if you've come to see a trip around the
world
in a balloon, get out of your seat right now and demand your money
back.
You'll be sorely disappointed if you stay.

I wish I could tell you that
I've been a lifelong Jules Verne fanatic. That I've memorized every one
of his novels…in French. That I spent my childhood trying to dig to the
Center of the Earth. That I go to Jules Verne conventions dressed as
Captain
Nemo. That I've decorated my bedroom to look just like Nemo's
submarine,
the Nautilus. I'm sorry. I'd be lying. But I once went on the
Twenty-Thousand
Leagues Under the Sea ride in DisneyWorld…well I got in the sub, got
panic-stricken
with claustrophobia, and got right out. And I was in the Tom
Hanks-produced
mini-series From the Earth to the Moon. That should count for
something.

My first draft of the script
was nearly as long as Fogg's journey around the world. (Oh, I should
probably
note here that it's Phileas Fogg. Not Phineas. Almost everyone thinks
it's
Phineas. It's not. It's Phileas. I don't know why people think that.
But
they do.) It felt like eighty days. I was almost forced to put in a
dinner
break and serve food from around the world. Which brings me to the
first
bit of historical information. In 1872, the year this play takes place
and the year Verne wrote the novel, the first diner was started in
Providence,
Rhode Island. I note this not only because you can order almost
anything
in the world to eat in a diner, but also because I'm from New Jersey.
The
Garden State, my eye. It should be renamed the Diner State. New Jersey
has more diners than any other state in the union (and in the world,
for
that matter) and is sometimes referred to as the Diner Capital of the
World.
Also, the first baseball game was played in New Jersey, as was the
first
intercollegiate football game. New Jersey also has a Trash Museum, a
Spoon
Museum, and the State Shell is the Knobbed-Whelk…but I digress.

So through a series of readings
and workshops at the Orlando Shakespeare Festival in Orlando, Florida,
I was able to get the script down to two hours. Among the many scenes I
cut, I ended up cutting a very funny (at least I thought it was funny)
scene with a Mormon. Although people laughed, the general consensus was
they thought it was poking fun at Mormons. Okay, it was. But wait 'til
you see this play. I poke fun at nearly everyone. How the Mormons
escaped
unscathed I'll never know. But now that I think about it, the Mormon
scene
was right out of the book. So Verne is the one to blame. I mention this
because I'm about to come to the second bit of historical information.
In 1872, Brigham Young, Second Prophet of the Mormon Church, was
arrested
for bigamy. He had 25 wives. I'm undecided as to whether Young was the
luckiest man for having 25 wives or the dumbest. I have one wife and I
can't decide which I am. (My wife is reading over my shoulder and has
just
whispered, "You better say you're the luckiest or you're a dead man.")
I'm the luckiest.

Which brings me to the third
bit of historical information. In 1872, in defiance of the law, Susan
B.
Anthony voted for the first time. At the time, it was illegal for women
to vote. She was arrested, taken to trial, and fined $100.00. She never
paid it. I also believe she originated the saying, "I'm sticking it to
the man," but don't quote me on that.

And I'd like to think that
Susan voted for Victoria Woodhull. In 1872, Victoria Woodhull was the
first
woman nominated for the U.S. Presidency. Victoria, who used to perform
a spiritualist act with her sister, Tennessee, advocated an eight-hour
workday, graduated income tax, and profit sharing. Scandalous. She was
also the first female stockbroker on Wall Street. Ironically enough, I
hear tell that Susan voted for Horace Greeley.

And now, in a desperate effort
to tie all of this together, let me come back to the non-existent
balloon.
The balloon you won't see in this production. In 1783, a sheep, a
rooster,
and a duck (I know, it sounds like "walk into a bar" should follow)
became
the first hot-air balloon passengers in Versailles, France (France
being
Jules Verne's birthplace). Verne worked as a stockbroker (like Victoria
Woodhull) until he wrote Five Weeks in a Balloon. (Not to be confused
with
the forty-five-day-longer journey Around the World in Eighty Days).
Verne's
inspiration for Around the World in Eighty Days was most likely George
Francis Train (if only his last name was Balloon), who in 1870 traveled
around the world in (there are conflicting reports here) sixty-seven or
eighty days. George Francis Train was jailed on obscenity charges while
defending Victoria Woodhull. The first U.S. manned hot-air balloon
flight
was by Jean-Pierre Blanchard, a Frenchman, in 1783. He flew from
Philadelphia
to Deptford Township, NJ. (New Jersey being my birthplace). Deptford is
also home to the fabulous Five Points Diner. And in a moment of
truth-is-stranger
-than-fiction, I was born in Deptford Township, and their slogan is
"First
Flight in America."

I hope you enjoy the show,
but whatever you do, don't whisper to the person next to you, "Where
the
heck is the balloon?"