Saturday, May 19, 2012

Wedding Days and Little Girl Ways

In one week's time, my little one in the middle will be getting married. She has been the sparkle in my days, the hug around my neck, for almost 25 years. A sprite of a girl, I will always see her with her side-pony-tail, bouncing off the school bus and running into my arms. She will forever in my mind's eye, be six years old with a glint in her eye and a few cherished Nerds stuck to her palm. Sometimes, even now, I will be talking to her when it suddenly hits me that that I am sitting with a beautiful, fully-grown woman. Oh but she is still so full of light, still such a pleasure to be around.

Today, I was looking through my box of broken bits, you know those catch- alls where we keep stray earrings and rhinestones, and broken chains? I needed an AB crystal for the snap closure on a vintage purse I picked up for her wedding. Of course I had one crystal, just the right size; I have been putting oddities in this box for 35 years. But I also found this.

It was a little pipe-cleaner tiara that I made for this very
bride- to- be, 23 years ago for her first trick-or-treat outing. We were all
fairies then, her older sister, and me too, wearing wings with my
wedding dress. Oh those days were spectacularly easy, blissful.

When I held the little tiara in my hand, tenderly turning it over, I saw that it still had her baby hair caught in it. White-blond, fine, eternally baby hair. Of course then I wept, what else was there to do? My baby bird is flying the nest. And even though it is into the arms of a kind and giving man, I will miss these "everydays" with her more than I can say. Her little sister will miss her too. The earth will shift on its axis, just a tiny bit next Saturday, indiscernible for the the rest of the world, but I will know as I stand and watch her take her vows at water's edge, that my life will never quite be the same. But I'll smile bravely and lift my champagne glass with everyone else.

I'll watch intently all the goings- on: her dance with her new husband, her dance with my dad, her sisters' speeches -trying to freeze-frame it and hold onto it forever, with a million other memories. I'll do this right up till the last guest is gone. Then, when the ocean is dark, and the dance floor is bare except for a stray sequence and hydrangea petal, I'll come home to a dull, quiet apartment. I'll kick off my shoes and get ready for bed. Then I'll lift the lid on my catch-all box, take out the little tiara, and cradle it into sleep.

9 comments:

This is a beautiful post. that you found one of her little hairs still attached to the tiara you made her - well, of course it means tears! I have sons, not daughters so can only image what this means to you. There is a saying (I don't know to whom I should attribute it), that states we should all walk around as though wearing an invisible crown. I think that's good advice.

I'm back to tell you my WV: Treliv calanta. Somehow, if it was another language, I think it would be telling us to live with joy. But that's just my interpretation. :)

Wow. Love this blogpost!! How touching!!! I remember back when the first one in our family of 5 kids got married. It felt a little like a loss but sort of happy at the same time....and things never were the same, as you say. I never thought for a minute at the time that it was changing for good... Looking back, it's so nostalgic and your post just brought back all those feelings again....

It is. It is a bittersweet moment, for a mom, especially. Mostly sweet, I will admit, especially when your child's dreams are coming true and you were fortunate enough to have lived long enough to see it. But still...it is only human to "remember when..." Thanks so much for stopping by.

I know Suz. I could not believe the little hair was still there, after all these years, but there it was, and I could see her in her little pink nighty that she wore, with tiny, tiny wings. I have the picture of the three of us, standing in front of our old house, still on my fridge. In it, I am holding, with her slippered feet dangling and her sister is grinning and none of us has a care in the world...