Tuesday, 27 August 2013

How to Write an English Essay: A Guide by Yours Truly.

1. Receive essay question. Stuff it in English folder and promise not to leave until the night before.
2. Leave until night before.
3. Cry a little whilst thinking about essay question.
4. Have a shower. Get inspired and think of exuberant and intelligent phrases to use in essay.
5. Get out of the shower. Forget EVERYTHING you thought of in the shower. Cry a little.
6. Make a shit load of coffee and snacks that are sure to clog up your arteries nicely by the age of 25.
7. Spend an hour making a study playlist and checking tumblr and Instagram one last time.
8. Open shitty laptop. Stare at blank word document for a while. Breakdown and text equally slack friend to send help.
9. Realize you need to do this and get inspired and write for 20 minutes.
10. Reward your flawless self by taking a 15 minute break that turns into half an hour, 45 minutes, heck, just take a fucking hour long break.
11. Whilst on break, spin around on office chair until you feel nauseated, laugh at things on tumblr that aren't that funny, read articles by a 17 year old editor-in-chief and feel unfulfilled and dumb.
12. Cry while having a minor existential crisis.
13. Repeat steps 8-12 times infinity14. Finish essay and do not read over becauseit has nothing to do with the essay question but you are staying alive thanks to ice-cold coffee and your eyes are bleeding thanks to contact lenses and too many feels.15. Sleep. Kind of. Not really.