Dicture: the response to dick pics we’ve always wanted

In the interests of journalism, I recently found an “app” entitled Dicture which allows the user to put little tiny clothes on pictures of penises. I used quotation marks around the word app because it is not really an app. It says it is, but it is actually just a website: Dicture Gallery.

I would give this app two out of four skins, because while it is the funniest thing that exists in the universe, it is not actually an app and also there are a very limited number of choices for what you can put on the penises.

There are, in fact, only four choices. There is one mustache, one pair of glasses, one hat, and one sportcoat.

Some might argue that that is exactly the right amount of clothing for a penis, but those people are wrong. Four choices are a great starting point, but it is not enough to make for hours of fun (which is the exact amount of time I want to spend putting clothes on dick pics).

You can change the size of these items and move them around, which is helpful. My personal motto is “penises are like Bertie Bott’s, you never know what you’re gonna get”, so I think it is important to be able to accommodate for the diverse range of penises that exist in the world.

The app also provides filters—so that your penis can be well-dressed and pretentious as fuck.

The app is a spinoff of a photography project by Soraya Doolbaz and is an attempt to normalize penises. Her goal is to make them funny and cute, in order to make them more publicly accepted. She claims her reason for doing this is that most women and gay men like penises (#imnotmostwomen).

In doing research for this article, I learned that looking at pictures of penises actually makes me feel physically ill. However, put tiny little clothes on a dick and I can look at it no problem.
So I guess she is achieving her goal?

And what a noble goal it is!

The app also has the potential to make receiving undesired dick pics a better experience. Instead of being effectively a form of sexual assault, it becomes an opportunity to use the dicture app!

Send the pic back to the guy with the dick dressed in little tiny clothes! He will probably never message you again.

Overall, the app is a great idea and has the potential to make dick pics far more hilarious. The quality of the app is bad—but the idea is good, and I have high hopes for this app in the future.

The long and hard of it is, it is an app that lets you take pictures of penises and put little tiny outfits on them. I do not know what else you could want in this life.

I am not sure what my life was before I had the ability to put little tiny clothes on phalluses using my phone, but I know for a fact that it is better now.