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I just read a question you answered about having a crush on your therapist. At the end you said how a therapist should never have a relationship even with a former client. I have seen my therapist only once; we had a nice talk. Anyways when I first saw him I thought he was attractive and that he had a funny personality and I left thinking this guy is so my type. I'm thinking I won't see him again cause if I think he’s cute I don't think I can be as open with him as with someone else. To get to my point, I've only had one session with him so does that mean I can never go out with him?

ANSWER

Step away from the therapist. Not only will it be bad for you to have a relationship with him, it will be bad for him. He will be at risk to lose his license if his licensing board ever finds out that he’s in a relationship with a former client. The nature of how you met will forever taint the foundation of your relationship. You know how everyone always asks a couple how they met? Well your story is going to have to be a lie. It’s a terrible way to begin a relationship. If he has any credibility, he won’t breech the boundary. And if he does breech the boundary, you’ll always see that as a weakness in him.

You’re attracted to him? I bet you have a habit of going for men who are unattainable. You like the chase. You like the challenge. Ever kissed a guy who has a girlfriend? Ever been attracted to a married man? Tons of available men in your life, but you want the one you can’t have. How’s that worked out for you so far? I’m betting not so well. Do something different this time. Go back to the shrink and tell him that you’re attracted to him. Tell him that you wrote to a shrink blogger to ask about the boundary. Let him know about my advice – about the fact that I know you have a history of finding men who you can’t have irresistible. Let him help you work through this.

Here’s what will happen if you listen to me: You’ll come out the other side with a stronger sense of self. You’ll have a deeper belief in your worthiness of love. You’ll stop sabotaging relationships by going after people who are unavailable. And you’ll find yourself attracted to people who are better for you. Or, disregard my advice and keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing. At least the time you took submitting a question to me made for a good blog post. Question is, is that enough for you?