Marcus the Marriage Man

1. Chapter 1

“Hi, I’m Ted, and this is my wife, Samantha,” said an overly excited blonde man as he gestured towards his mahogany haired wife, who seemed to be far from excited, unlike her husband.

“Yeah, hi,” muttered Samantha. “Whatever,” she continued under her breath. Had I not been a vampire, I wouldn’t have heard it.

“I’m Marcus the marriage man, at your service!” I exclaimed, though my tone of voice no where near matched the grimace on my face. These two smelled disgusting! Ugh, come on, I hadn’t had anything good for a while. Please god, send me something sweet! A vampire’s got to drink, you know!

“So, what kinds of problems have you two had lately?” I asked, attempting to smile. I think it came off a little gay, though. The bitter woman rolled her eyes.

“We just don’t seem to have anything in common, you know. We…” babbled Ted, long after I had stopped paying attention. I glanced at the doors to ensure that they were locked.

“Ronald Macdonald over here has been driving me crazy since the day we got married. He’s too optimistic. He’s always all ‘What’s the worst that could happen at counseling? We get our blood sucked by vampires?’” Chewbacca or whatever it was rambled on. I chuckled to myself at the irony of that last part.

I thought about when I first decided to do this. Caius dared me to sit around and listen to pathetic humans for an hour here and there, and suck them dry as soon as it was over. Aro informed me that I could get some good blood out of it, but all I had gotten was the vilest tasting liquid to ever touch my mouth. Even animal blood was better. They were probably laughing their heads off.

“…Everything was fine until a few weeks ago when Mr. Sunshine over here…” The pointless babbling of these two useless humans was getting old. It was time to end it, permanently.

“I’m sorry you two, but our hour is over. I’m sorry we won’t be seeing each other again.”

“What do you mean we won’t be seeing each other again? We paid for one hour, twice a week, every week for a month,” snapped the woman.

“Because it is time for me to eat,” I replied, smirking.

“Why do you need to tell us that?” Exclaimed the woman, exerting a major attitude. I was looking forward to what I would say next.

“Because, Emo and Ecstatic, you two are what I’m eating!”

I was at the woman’s side, her neck bitten and me, sucking her dry, in a matter of seconds. Her blood tasted horribly bitter. Who knew that blood could be personality reflective.

I turned to the man, who was still freakishly bubbly, especially for someone who just watched their wife be killed by a vampire. But I had already discovered that this guy was just plain creepy. I stepped over to him, and decided to have some fun. With vampire strength, I kicked him in an area that appreciated it even less than any other part of the body. That was for revenge. Revenge for making me sit through this painfully dull hour. I then sucked him dry, and thought about ways to get revenge on Cauis for making me go through with this. He would pay.