Happy Halloween from Dolly Parton, a national treasure with a heart of gold under a rack of steel, tough as nails and sweeter than anything, pretty much the best person alive, wish she was my mom and/or best friend, she has an AMUSEMENT PARK with a ROLLER COASTER shaped like HER BOOBS*, the ultimate and original ramshackle hard candy princess.

*I'm not totally sure about that actually, I've been to Dollywood, but I can't remember and can't find proof on the internet. What I did find was that I wrote Yelp's first review of Ms. Parton's theme park back in 2005. Man, I was the HBiC of that whole damn site back in the day. Businesses tried to woo me to write five star reviews by plying me with half-priced entrees and free cocktails with the purchase of two other cocktails ALL THE TIME. Okay, like twice. (2004-2008 were dark days for me.) (Also, 2010 was not so great either.)