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Author
Topic: I just found out today that I'm losing my baby and I'm HIV+ (Read 3453 times)

This morning I went from being happily pregnant for the first time, to finding out within two minutes that my baby's heart had stopped beating and that I am HIV+. I've been married for 6 years and with my husband only for 8 years. I've not had any sexual encounters with anyone but my husband for the last 8 years. My husband, 43(M) is bisexual, so am I, but we are both aware he had some risky sexual encounters before we met, but he had been tested at that time and was negative. I am devastated, not only because I haven't miscarried my poor baby yet, but I can't seem to process this HIV news. My OBGYN was very cold and clinical, and wanted me out of her office ASAP. I don't really know where to turn yet, my entire life has just come crashing down around me. I guess I'm just looking for other people who've gone through a similar situation, at least the HIV part. My husband is being tested immediately, as we feel like it had to be him, but we still aren't sure how this happened. Sorry for the wall of text.

Sadly under the circumstances, I welcome you to the forums. Words cannot express the sympathy I have towards you regarding the loss of your pregnancy. Having lost a child 13 years ago myself, I know the pain it brings.

The hardest part about being(newly diagnosed) HIV positive in this time of better treatment is accepting it. The key to accepting it is gaining the knowledge which will empower you to focus on having a normal life again. Trust me, it might not seem so now, but a normal life is more than possible...

Right at this moment though, with the hardship you have to contend with, please be good to yourself. It's going to be tough.

This morning I went from being happily pregnant for the first time, to finding out within two minutes that my baby's heart had stopped beating and that I am HIV+. I've been married for 6 years and with my husband only for 8 years. I've not had any sexual encounters with anyone but my husband for the last 8 years. My husband, 43(M) is bisexual, so am I, but we are both aware he had some risky sexual encounters before we met, but he had been tested at that time and was negative. I am devastated, not only because I haven't miscarried my poor baby yet, but I can't seem to process this HIV news. My OBGYN was very cold and clinical, and wanted me out of her office ASAP. I don't really know where to turn yet, my entire life has just come crashing down around me. I guess I'm just looking for other people who've gone through a similar situation, at least the HIV part. My husband is being tested immediately, as we feel like it had to be him, but we still aren't sure how this happened. Sorry for the wall of text.

Hi Broken,So sorry to hear about your baby. You have my sympathy. You've come to the right place for support. Welcome.Give yourself some time to come to grips with everything. There is loads of information here when you are ready to get your toes wet. The "lessons" section here is great! No need to soak it in all at once. There is a learning curve and you will get there in due time. Hang in and don't be afraid to ask questions.m.

Hi again.I just read your post in the women's section of the forum. I hope you re-post it here as us guys are not allowed to post there.It's just a way for all of us to give support and understand the stress you are going through.We are here for you.

I definitely understand that my story is so gut wrenching that it is hard to even begin to imagine what to say, I really do, I don't know what to say myself. This is a nightmare I could never even begin to conjure up in the depths of my own mind. It's a long weekend waiting for all the inevitable phone calls and doctor visits that will start next week. Since I found out all the on Friday, I'm basically sitting around my house alternately crying and sleeping and haunting the internet. My sister's baby shower was today too, and it was something I'd been looking forward to for months. She only knows about me losing my baby, not about the HIV, we're going to wait til after she has her baby in a few weeks. My mom is understandably devastated too, and having to carry on as best she can. I'm the oldest and I'm used to being everyone's rock in times of crisis. This time, it's me that's dealing the horrific blow, and I find myself trying to comfort my friends and family and assure them I'm okay. My husband is here and he's going through hell too, but he has managed to escape into World of Warcraft and I'm letting him do that. He's of course waiting for his opportunity to be tested too and we are looking at information online about where might be the best place to live with good close resources for folks with HIV.The other issue of course, is that I'm still carrying my baby and waiting for the dreaded miscarriage pains and anguish to start. Will it be a day, a week, I don't know. I can't face going back to work right now, the type of work I do would cause me untold pain on a daily basis, and triggers that might just push me over some kind of dark edge. I just need to hear others voices out there, stories of hope and happiness. Just knowing there are actually others out there who care that some poor woman in Texas is going through this and they might have just a small word for me. Thanks for the responses, I appreciate it.

So sorry that you are going through this all. Finding out that you are positive is stressful on its own, let along dealing with the lost pregnancy at the same time.

I can only tell you that with today's medical care, your physicall health is very likely to be absolutely fine wih treatment. Your emotional well being however is sure to take a beating for awhile, especially with the circumstances. Perhaps surprisingly (at least for me) is that you can adjust, and move on. I found that it really does get so much better. I was a bit shellshocked for a a month or two, and after about a year I was more or less back to myself. Know that while it will be stressful dealing with the initial round of doctor visits, tests, and treatment options, it will eventually quiet down. I think it is important to realize that it won't always be so involved as it will be in the beginning.

Hopeflly your husband and familly will be able to be a support for you.

Cross posting in "Positive Women"I got a copy of my lab results yesterday, and the Western blot was included and stated positive. My primary care doctor retested me yesterday and tested my husband as well. We should be getting the results back today or tomorrow. I'd read about some false positives with pregnancy, didn't want to grasp at straws or false hope, but my doctor felt that I and my husband are both "low risk" based on our lifestyles, and seemed really puzzled that I would be positive, especially since I donate blood regularly, most recently three months ago, and no one has ever said a word. Anyway...on the baby front, I have started spotting slightly and we expect that I will miscarry naturally very soon. The health department called me the other day and completely freaked me out, saying that by law they have to meet with me. It scared me so bad after I hung up the phone I ran screaming into the bathroom and cowered in a corner. Scared the hell out of my husband. I've since spoken to the woman again and told her she'd have to wait til Friday to meet with me, and I will already have my updated results (including viral load, etc) back by then. We are meeting at my mom's house. Things are very much up in the air until we get these results back...I will post more once I know one way or another. Thanks for the responses, I'm trying to hang in and stay calm.

Hi Broken. The situation you are in at the moment breaks my heart, and I share your pain with you, believe that! I know for a fact that you will certainly be okay, please hang in there. You will make more babies and live a long life, raise a beautiful family and be happy. The situation you are in at the moment might best be described as a stumbling block, but you can make it a steeping stone! All you have to do is fight, believe, live and above all remember your God. The most devastating thing about HIV is the psychological effect it has on its victims. If you can fight this, you can rule the world! Stay strong and stay blesses. Loads of love and hugs from London.

I can't give you much advice as I am newly diagnosed too during pregnancy but I just wanted to add the meeting with the health department person was really not too bad...I was dreading it also but he was actually very nice & idk what state your in but in my state any info I wanted to give them or was asked for is voluntary..

I was considered very low risk too but I really wish they would just drop the low risk high risk categorizing because its obvious it can happen to anyone! It took me a year and a half to catch it from my husband...& we would've never found out about it until it may have been too late if I hadn't have gotten pregnant..