Life is full of many searches, some of which are fruitful, and some you just have to keep knocking on doors to find. You seem to know what you want, but what was not fortuitous about your prior endeavors? You know, "Biting the apple can lead to many thrilling opportunities, or poisonous pain through monosyllabic, inane conversation!" As Engineers frequently do, build the foundation first, construct the walls, and then, set up the tresses that hold her up (Playful Wink; pun intended.) and the whole creation comes together. *Grins genuinely and wishes you a fantastic day ahead.*