I am actually thankful that I am not a guy in this day and age because of that. I can handle it if a girl doesn't like my outfit. But the physical and emotional harassment that I would see other guys get for being "faggy" or emotional was craaaazyy. Just my observations in high school.

"If you speak above 80 dcb you will engage my RACIST3000 brain implant and I will sling slurs in your general direction. The computer isn't racist, it just discriminates you upon your yearly earnings. If you aren't trying hard to be like me then I can never respect you"

within each moment of each day, calm yourself down the best you can. Focus on your breathing. Eat some nice food. Take a walk. Be consistent about soothing yourself, and check with your insurance provider about therapists in the area.

Go to a book store and read some books about depression. There have been a lot of people who have gone through the same thing, and they have some great insights!

Also check into info about healing trauma. It seems as if that voice is a continuation of some overbearing adult from your past.

It's good that you want it to stop! You need to communicate your hurt, and then find ways of accepting it, and moving on.

Your critical voice has been hurting so long that its literally screaming at you for attention. Acknowledge it! Work with it, don't wish it away. This is an important aspect of yourself to sort through the layers and make peace with. Get help, and then get curious. Take responsibility for your recovery, while trusting professionals. You can do it! Everyone can be happy

wow yeah that is really interesting! I love that she did soul work. It reminds me of Transpersonal psychology (inner child stuff) and have done a little myself -- really powerful stuff. That's really awesome about your dog! I feel that animals definitely come forth to help us along our path. I'm glad it was a good experience, I wanna try now!

every time I have found myself cutting out food groups after I recovered from my ED, it was because I was experiencing immense stress and I had no idea what to do about it. It was like "O hay imma just slide into my personal hell just this once in order to cope...".

Once I started to care about my internal world once more, it helped. I let activity fall by the wayside until I heard myself say within my own mind "I WANT TO DO THIS." So important. Ignore the messages that say "I should do this....". That is someone else's opinion on the subject.

It turns out I found out that I enjoy walking and like ten minutes of yoga on my own, and I hate formal yoga classes, unless it is an absolute beginner, gentle class. I don't think I like gyms...but I still hold out hope that will one day?

Oh, and I found out that I fucking LOVE macaroni and cheese. Sorry I just wanted to express my love there :3.

I like to imagine myself as some European person who eats vegetables because they are cooked nicely, with butter and taste well, and then strolls by some lovely patch of water with nice architecture and then has great sex after. Its kind of my goal fantasy. PLEASURE over anything else.

I remember Jenni Schaefer said something awesome : "The gentle voice within you is your true voice. Ignore the others -- they aren't you."

I have had an eating disordered past as well, and my aunts say that I have lost weight every time that I see them. I have no idea if I have, because I don't weigh myself, but some clothes feel looser. Others not. I do feel a little more lithe than last summer, which is nice. I am hoping its because I am feeling better emotionally, lighter if you will, instead of me getting skinnier. I do worry, because sometimes my depression can make me loose my appetite, but I make myself eat anyways.

I am doing lots of inner work, and feeling just the teensiest bit better day by day. I think that I am somewhat scared of being alright. Being scared of feeling okay in my skin. A part of me is still hoping that if I play the sick kid role forever, I will finally get that love and affection from my parents that I needed when I was young. But that ain't ever gonna happen. While doing self-love work is valuable, ITS HARD. It really is. It makes me happy to see me slowly improve, but it also terrifies me, because then I become vulnerable. Its like if I stay at the bottom of the barrel, no one can tear me down lower. I guess I just need to polish my emotional-judo skills so that I can cut toxic people/places/thoughts out of my life. UP AND ONWARD.

my friends talked about going to a shaman recently. They talked about how they sat around naked and the shaman would literally make "ooga booga" noises to "expel evil spirits". I was beyond creeped out. What was your experience like? I have a feeling that there are some decent ones out there.

in my early redditing days, I would get excited when someone disagreed with me. Like, ooh, let's have a discussion! Things then turned into telling me that I am wrong and taking opinions that I held that had nothing to do with them, into these personal attacks and they felt so victimized. I am awful at being aggressive normally, so I would just calmly be logical until they stopped posting. ...win?