Giving Sports a Roundhouse Kick to the Nuts

February 2011

Monday, February 28, 2011

Not since Frank Costanza disgracefully botched the food for his fellow troops, or when Greg Ostertag downed broccoli, apricots and Cool Ranch Doritos just minutes before game time have we seen so many carcusses in one place.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

From the looks of it, it appears Fox spontaneously broke into three different Rodney Dangerfield characters at the same time. Our money's on Thornton Melon, Al Czervik, and the great Monty Capuletti from Easy Money.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

According to our mole at Mets camp in Port St. Lucie, things went from awkward to painfully dicey after Freddie had the nerve to tug on Koufax's cheeks while speaking to him in a condescending baby voice.

The constant flirtations, lewd hand signals, tongue gestures and ceremonial passing-of-the-digits has become quite a spectacle for the Clippers, particularly since the last play Del Negro drew up in the huddle reportedly resembled a large pair of breasts.

While his performance has drawn rave reviews from random choreographers who just happened to tune in to the Hornets-Warriors game -- some of which have already compared him to the great George Hill -- a profoundly exhausted David Andersen finished his evening with yet another humble stat line of 0 points, 3 rebounds, 1 block, 2 turnovers, and 2 fouls.

As if there was ever any doubt, Jeff Wilpon's coolness has been confirmed thanks to a pair of shades that would make the year 1989 crap its pants, but one burning question remains in regard to the pelican son of Fred Wilpon ... did he steal that wonderful polo from a lifesize doll?

It feels like it's been awhile since ESPN The Shrinking Gun has surfaced to humiliate someone with its soulles crosshairs, and it has. In fact, if memory serves us correct, the last time this happened, Snoop Dogg went from world famous rapper to little Calvin Broadus the kindergartener in a matter of seconds of one seemingly innocent segment.

Last night, sadly, it was likable SportsCenter anchor John Anderson. Get well soon, buddy, though he appears to have enjoyed it.

Dick Towel? Dick Towel!

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