Thursday, January 17, 2008

Since the whole "I have cancer" bomb my mom dropped a couple of weeks ago I have been an anxiety-ridden basket case. And, because of this, my brain has taken leave of my body.

Yesterday I went to the store with the sole purpose of stocking up on baby neccessities for Coop. Diaper wipes? Check! Applesauce/green beans? Check! Hairbrush? Check! Formula? Ummm, what? I was almost home when I realized that the one item I needed the most was the one thing I forgot. Sigh.

But, here's the thing. The fact that I have a baby to shop for (and subsequently forget to shop for) is the greatest blessing in all of this crazy chaotic mess. He's what's keeping me (somewhat) sane.

After a particurlarly difficult chat on the phone with my mom earlier this week, I lost it. I stood Coop up on my lap and I just tucked my head into his tummy and let my whole body cry. I guess Coop thought I was playing because he started to giggle. Then he cackled. Which then escalated into full-on screaming. I felt like everything was spinning out of control and my little guy was laughing his ass off.

And I started to laugh, too.

A friend of mine is going through a rough patch and I left her a message on her blog that said, "Remember to look in your baby's eyes. It is there you will find peace and purpose."

I followed my own advice. I looked into Coop's laughing eyes and knew that no matter what lay ahead, we would all find our way.