Must-See TV
Army Of Darkness
ElRey
5 p.m.
A discount-store employee is time-warped to a medieval castle, where he is the foretold savior who can dispel the evil there. Unfortunately, he screws up and releases an army of skeletons. (tvguide.com)

The [Monday] Papers

If you want to catch up with The [Sunday] Papers, and we think you do because it was a very Lou Dobbs-like day in the local press, go here. It will be totally worth it. And then come back.

If you want to catch up with last night's White Sox game, don't pick up a Chicago Sun-Times unless there is a new edition on the streets.

Because the results of last night's home opener for the defending World Series championChicago White Sox and season opener for Major League Baseball ended too late to be included in the Sports Final edition of the Chicago Sun-Times.

One More Primitivist Note: I'm reading James Warren's snoozy-enough-as-it-is magazine roundup in the print edition of the Chicago Tribune this morning, because that's the kind of geek I am, and I'm finding myself frustrated by the inability to click on links to the articles he mentions.

Stop Hurting Us, 'HammersMarty Casey and the Lovehammers playing the White Sox opener last night would be about right. As a passionate fan of the local music scene, I can say that until that horrid but weirdly compelling INXS reality show I had never heard of Marty Casey and the Lovehammers. I'm pretty sure that's because they suck donkey balls. Nobody I know who follows local music had heard of Marty Casey and the Lovehammers. Can someone please explain Marty Casey and the Lovehammers to me? Open a thread in the Music section of our Beachwood Forums.

Omentum
It's not hard to predict that members of the more liberal wing of the Democratic Party who fell for Barack Obama without knowing much about him will continue to be disappointed by his moderation. Last week, for example, Obama was in Connecticut endorsing Sen. Joe Lieberman, perhaps the most conservative Democrat in the Senate and a passionate supporter of the Iraq war.

Not that Lieberman needs Obama's support. Despite a widespread dislike of him inside the party, Lieberman has, according to one poll, a 55-point lead over his primary opponent, Greenwich cable TV excecutive Ned Lamont, who calls Lieberman "George Bush's favorite Democrat."

Sex and the City of Chicago
The city's weird and disturbing ordinance regulating just how nude nude dancers can be at strip clubs that serve alcohol is under review by the Illinois Supreme Court.

The Sun-Times's Tracy Swartz reports that "under the law, clubs that serve booze must ensure their dancers cloak certain parts of their breasts, their crotch, and their buttocks."

Because without the cloaking, worlds would apparently collide.

"The city contends that mixing alcohol with nude or partially nude dancing could have an 'undesirable secondary impact' on the surrounding community, said Jennifer Hoyle, spokeswoman for the city's Law Department," Swartz writes.

Kind of like how city spokespeople often have an undesirable secondary impact when they open their mouths.

Cloaking Device
Date the Chicago Sun-Times published its review of James Green's Death in the Haymarket: February 26

Date The New Yorker posted its review of Death in the Haymarket on its Website: March 6.

Date of the print issue of The New Yorker in which the review appeared: March 13.

Gag Snag
Reporters covering the George Ryan trial are not, I am told, under a gag order. I raised the issue because of these sentences in separate Tribune stories:

* "The Tribune did not contact the juror for comment because doing so could violate a court order not to communicate with jurors during a trial."

*"Under normal circumstances, the reporters would then contact the subject of the story for comment. But an order from Pallmeyer prohibited contact with the jurors while the case is ongoing."

I'm told the inartful references were simply to the paper's (and industry's) standard policy of not tampering with a sitting jury, and that the judge's order referred to was the one applying to jurors and lawyers in the case, not the media.

In Today's Reporter
You will not want to miss this Beachwood Exclusive: The missing O'Briens campaign ads! We found 'em and now you can see them. Our biggest scoop yet.

Just another reason to join us in our Beachwood Readership Drive. Spread the word and show us some love, Phase 2 of The Master Plan is on the way.

And if you want a cool looking Beachwood Reporter link button of your own, check this out.

Use our Tip Line after a night at O'Briens, especially if you wore a wire.