And two weeks from now, we're supposed to find the motivation to vote for either J. Fife Symington III or Terry Goddard for governor, two men whose campaigns are mired in charges of financial irregularities and self-dealing.

I've got a better idea.

I suggest we learn a lesson from the Iranians who charged Iraqi trenches with human-wave assaults. Rather than expend the life of one Marine in the sands of Kuwait, let's send battalion after battalion of corrupt Arizona public officials to attack the Republican Guards. With sheer numbers alone, we can wear out the Iraqi gunners. It's not like we'll be sacrificing the flower of our youth, or the best and the brightest . . . I'll give you a shrimp concession, you moron!