Category: Bizarre

For whatever reason, some Customers are just plain odd. And the service industry unleashes them on to unsuspecting clerks with often hilarious results. If you like your customers just plain bizarre, then read on!

Me: “I apologize sir. Programming is determined by the network. In order to view a different program, the channel needs to be changed on your set-top box.”

Caller: “I’m bedridden and I don’t have the remote by me.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir. I am not able to change the channel for you. I can only reboot your set-top box which would turn it off completely.”

Caller:*begins to vent about how I’m not fixing his issue*

Me: “I apologize that this is not something I can ‘fix’ sir. I can not make Spike show a different program. It is their prerogative to play a marathon of Cops for five days sir. This can be ‘corrected’ by changing the channel from your remote.”

Caller: “Thanks for nothing.” *click*

(I went home and saw that the ‘Cops’ marathon didn’t end until five pm that evening. This was January 5th and it started on New Years Day.)

(It is Halloween time. We have lots of decorations all over the cafe. One is a sign that says, “I’m a real witch with or without my coffee.” It’s all cartoonish with a witch on a broomstick and all that.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Coworker: “Sure.”

Customer:*points to the sign* “Is that a real thing? Like, is it serious?”

(I’m making a call over the intercom requesting that a customer remove their car from a no parking zone. My coworkers like to make fun of me, since it’s become my personal mission to make sure nobody parks there. My coworker is serving a seemingly normal gentleman at the time.)

Customer: “You know, you ladies should be changing the world!”

Coworker: “Yeah, [My Name], and it starts with you getting that vehicle to move!”

(We both laugh, but the customer goes on.)

Customer: “I’m serious! We all have our place in the world. You know, us white people, we’re supposed to protect the water.”

(At this point, we realize he’s completely serious.)

Customer: “And the Africans? They protect the animals. And the brown people? You know, like the Aboriginals and the, uh, Middle Eastern people? Well, they’re always fighting over land, so I think they’re supposed to protect the land!”

(My coworker and I are speechless. The customer continues.)

Customer: “And the yellow people! You know, the Asians? Well they’re supposed to feed us all!”

(The customer continues on his rant, saying things I can’t quite catch, and then leaves.)

Coworker:*to me* “Why do we only get the weird ones when we work together?”