Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Twisted life:Escapades from the mundane sphere

It was a sunny day and the weather was very cool for something i can say
for us to eat in one of the restaurants.its been long since we last met at
college,decades perhaps.we been working for the different organisations
and have been kept busy with our way of life schedules and work life though we
are in the same country.

we went on and on conversing on our past memories.

i told her,"i was so lost and felt like running on barefoot on the beach
side.i feel so meaningless and hopeless regards to this life,i have been
working for the last 3 years and feels like i haven't done anything so worth
and meaningful"

" 'huh',why so?

seems some problem with your job life?i
didn't get you by the way",she said

i told,"My life has always had a spiritual twist to it ever since I can
remember. My family was not religious at all and yet I was drawn to anything
mystical. I guess the search started from then on to find answers to questions
that my parents just couldn't answer. I remember from around age six, often
waking up in the middle of the night wondering about life and the way that
everything changes, nothing stays the same.That one day everyone including me
would die, sometimes I would lie there thinking it was all just a dream anyway.
Other times I wondered if I was the dreamer or the dream or in somebody else's
dream. I couldn't really talk to my family about these things as they already
thought I was a bit weird. I just knew that life was more than we could see. It
was at this age that I decided I wanted to be a missionary as I had this
overwhelming urge to help people who were suffering"

she in her giggled tone,"why are you so lost?

seems like you are gonna lead buddha's
life,if there were so many heads like yours the world would definitely have so
many buddha's..LOL."

common my lady,we are born to enjoy,keep
aside your funny thoughts,don't ponder and wonder,its half the life yet to
come, its real fact that we are gonna die one fine day.you should have abandon
this life rather lead otherway round life, how did you come so far into job
life?

"In the meantime samsara beckoned with lots of karmic entanglements and
desires and I was hurtled into this job life.Samsara beckoned strongly and
pulled me back into its desire ridden river of misery.

A seed was planted, however, that
ripened years later with a passing comment from my relatives,you should enter
job life and help your siblings,parent",i said.

she said,Oh my goodness,"as if
spiritual has every answers for your doubts?funny thing ever heard from
you,think wise,its not always a way to practice being in monastic life,One can
practice dharma being lay life,you need not have shave your head and don a red
robe".

"yes,i am funny and weird since young days,if dharma could be practiced as
a lay life,why did buddha abandon his royal and luxurious life who at that time
was having comfortable life,moreover he was a prince yet he thought it
wasn't the way to achieve the true realisation,"

"yeah dear,but you are not buddha, if everyone wants to be in your
shoe,definitely the world would be in poverty,there won't be anyone to offer
the one who practices dharma,what do you think?".

i said,"i am neither buddha nor copying his way,just a bit of same
feelings that keeps arising and makes me feel incomplete,but do you have same
feelings like mine?do you have any interest?rather than comparing to the huge
population,ask to yourself,do you have any notion of life after death>if you
don't have such belief system,its funny to compare a small stuffs to a
big thing"

In her agony tone said,"better and try to think well,you are the eldest
among your families,where everyone expects you to be very successful. even your
dad,he has been looking upon you that you would look after your siblings and
family matters,don't you have any empathy towards your
family?,especially your dad,who has been with you since the day you were
born,has been with you for every obstacles you have had,he has been supporting
you and your dreams.

so far who you are and what you have been
,are all cuxs of your dad and you should be very thankful to him perhaps,stop
having such a childish and selfish thoughts of leading spiritual.we are half
pass 25 years.life is uncertain but at the same time,at the back of our mind,no
matter,how spiritual mind we may posses,we still think we would live another
day,don't you think?"

"Am i asking too much?

suppose,you want something and if that
something doesn't come to your desired place,would you feel complete?i am not
selfish actually.so far, i was here,hadn't i thought of my family matters i
would have already abandon the life since the day there was green signal but i
have awaited till here,wanted to relinquish this feelings of 50.50 life
style,yet the ddream keeps me firmer day by day,rather it keeps me alive.

trying to fit into the circle of
society,hoping for good things to happen everytime,visualising evrytime good
things would happen but when good things doesn't hapen the way we visualise,it
is not easy,fortunes come and goes,the whole business that has been set up for
life time keeps twindling,high salary job and bank full of money,we marry with
the one we love and bore a child from the loved one,we think
marriage,children,land as security at the end of the retirement life yet at the
end of the day,we still die empty hand,we have no assurance that our own blood
children would treat us well the way we treated them when they were young and
innocent.

heard so many stories of family
problems,children being disobeyed to their parents makes me feel insane"

Her response was like rushing river downwards the valley,"seriously i feel its your one-sided story,go on and live a
reality,experience it,until and unless one live the reality and we will get to
know the real tastes of human life,you would never know enjoyable it is and
make a let go life,find your soul mate,"

i told,"as if my life is millennium,we can not learn everything from our
own experience,life is short."