“Moderation does not work for me. Been there so many, many times. My brain is addicted to wine and the addicted brain needs absolute clarity. *Maybe just one* starts up too much discussion between all my selves. *None* is easier for all of us to understand.”

I’m going to print this out and tape it to the edge of my computer monitor so that i can stare at it. My selves.yes, the noise in my head is my rational self talking to my addicted self. and yes, firm boundaries and absolute claritymeans no bargaining.

this new note will go up next to the one that’s already attached to my monitor.

I wrote this (to myself) in the fall (perhaps mid-october-ish), i wrote this after consuming my 3 drinks:

11 thoughts to “*it blunts, numbs, fills time…*”

Wow. I’m going to print out both quotes and do the same. I battled for weeks with my addicted voice and the biatch eventually won. I never thought about it in terms of it being non-negotiable.
You are going to help so many people. You have helped me so much already, I am so lucky to have found you. Thank you.

Oh Belle, I think I will try and memorise your quote too. How wonderfully you put it. I do wonder what we were trying to escape from? We must think about that in time, I suspect it will open doors to some new self insight.
At the moment I am so aware of the “joy and beauty and ease here” as you put it – and so grateful for it. Cleo xx

Oh my god we obsess! We obsess! The effort and energy I put into thinking about and dealing with my inner addict’s bloody voice blah blah blah-ing on at me. the only way I could silence that voice and reclaim all the time I wasted thinking about wine wine wine was to remove the wine completely. I tried to quieten the voice by moderating, silence it for periods of time by giving up for a few weeks or months here and there but none of that ever worked. Only removing the booze completely finally freed me from that brain noise whittling on and on and on. Oh my god the obsession, thank god that’s gone. xxx

Mrs D, truer words have never been spoken. in fact, i thought about your comment continuously during my run this morning. i’ve tried to silence the noise, too, in different ways. i’d like it to be gone, too… and i’m glad to know that your experience is that it DOES shut-the-fuck-up eventually…

Love “none is easier for all of us to understand.” The peace I’ve found lately has come from simplifying life, which quiets those voices, for a little while anyway. Thank you for sharing this wisdom…I needed to hear it.

Paul, you’re right, I never thought about it like that – the voice DOES get louder the more I drink. One glass is never enough. I think i’ve realized only since starting this blog that it’s the first drink that causes the problem, not the 4th one… (and i think it was Cleo who pointed that out for me the first time.)