Deb Tawna’s pets have cooler hobbies than she does

My hobbies are not interesting. Hiking, biking, traveling, cooking, reading…I just fell asleep typing that and now I have drool seeping between the spacebar and the comma.

My pets have cooler hobbies than I do. Here’s evidence:

Blue Cat has a shoe fetish. He indulges this hobby at every opportunity, paying no mind to the style of the shoe or the hygiene of its owner. Monday it was my jewel-encrusted stiletto. Today it’s my husband’s smelly sneaker. If there is a shoe lying anywhere in the house, he will locate and worship it.

Ozzy is a 15-year-old herding mix who is deaf, arthritic, and mostly blind, with a torn ACL and a vestibular disorder. His hobby is holding down the dog bed so it doesn’t levitate. The risk of spontaneous dog bed levitation is high, so it’s good he’s on the job. Isn’t 15 like 105 in dog years? When I’m 105, breathing will be my hobby.

Matt the Cat’s hobby is petty thievery. He raids neighbors’ yards and garages and brings home trophies. Gloves are his favorite (always in pairs) but he has also stolen a mouse pad, a pair of flip-flops, a roll of toilet paper, and 30 hand puppets. Our neighbors hate us. This is Matt with some of his trophies from the last few days.

Bindi is an Australian Kelpie, which is pretty much a herding dog on crack. When she’s not herding all the other pets, she likes to unwind by reading a good book. Here she is enjoying Hillary Duff’s ELIXIR (which was co-authored by our very own Deb Elise!)

Last but not least is Ivy. Ivy is a crazy feral cat who has spent the last 13 years operating under the assumption she is going to be devoured by a coyote lurking somewhere in our house. Her hobby is playing hide-and-seek. She prefers it if there is no seeking involved. This is Ivy enjoying her hobby beneath the guest bed.

Do your pets or children have more interesting hobbies than you do? Please share!

This article has 18 Comments

My 1 year old’s hobby is reorganizing my bookshelves. The only thing is, he usually gets distracted between pulling them all off the shelves and putting them back on, and I never put them back in accordance with his vision, so he has to do it over and over.

Hmm, when all my authors become the bestselling authors they deserve to be, I will pick up the life as the shoe fetishist I know I am meant to be-although I suspect my taste will not run to smelly sneakers. Until then, I will keep all the beds and couches from levitating, read, and as far as anything I may have in common with Matt the Cat, I admit NOTHING.

My new puppy is a collector. I should have named him pack rat. He collects whatever is around in whatever room he happens to be in. Outside, he gathers sticks and places them in piles or picks up acorns and herds them into groups. In the house he especially likes plastic wrappers and gloves. In the basement he picks up wood scraps. His other hobby is to race through a room as fast as he can and make run-by attacks at pillows, blankets or house shoes.

My cat Skooker has long been a hair dresser. His favorite method is sitting on the back of your wing back chair, kneeding your hair and putting it into its place (he especially loves wet hair, even if it’s sweaty). Not enough hair gel? He’ll just take out the ol’ licker and make sure no Alfalfa strands stick up.

Oh my…I bet living in your house is a lot like living in mine! We have four pets. Misaki, our 7-year-old Shiba, likes to eat grass, herd the cats, and act like a queen – although recently she has taken to carrying my sandals around the house… Our three cats are all Bengals. Moochie enjoys watching football (seriously, he actually watches the TV when it’s on, and gets annoyed if we aren’t watching on Saturday and Sunday) and not recognizing that all other beings on the planet have a bubble he should respect. Lilo’s hobby is screaming at the top of her lungs – you can hear her outside and up the street – so I’m pretty sure someone is going to call Animal Control on us at some point, probably because we won’t sit down and love her up. She also enjoys being squished in hugs between Mom and Dad – how many cats LIKE to be squished?! Sera’s hobby is looking upon every other being in the house with contempt and expecting them to do her bidding, as well as sharpening her claws until they can cut diamonds, which only means my skin doesn’t stand a chance. Basically, it’s a free-for-all around here…

We have two cats who have hobbies. Sophie’s is helping us tell time. At precisely 9am and 9pm, she comes to find us so we can give her her dope. If we’re not home, she sits in the window waiting for us and gives us the evil eye when we do arrive.

Marley’s hobby is grooming us. She sits behind us on the couch, grabs one of our heads with both paws, and licks us until our hair is either soaking (and in a new style) or one of us peels us her off because we’re now bleeding from her claws.

Um… my dog’s hobby is humping his bed. But only one bed — the bed he’s had since he was a puppy. He doesn’t sleep in this bed, he only humps it. We call it “her” and urge him to “give it to her good.” We have it on video.

Maybe that’s wrong.

LOVE your post, Tawna! It was all I could do to get my 6-y-o out of the car, which she immediately climbed into so we could drive to the airport, fly to Oregon, and hang with your animals. I can only hold her off for so long — we may well turn up on your doorstep.