Customer: “Yeah, this movie didn’t play right. It keeps skipping. I want a different one.”

Me: “Okay, if you want to go grab another copy off the shelves I’ll get this checked in.”

(I scan the movie and it is three days late.)

Me: “Ma’am, this movie is three days late.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “So…I’ll have to charge you full price to rent another movie, and you’ll need to pay the late fee.”

Customer: “THE MOVIE DIDN’T WORK. I SHOULD GET ANOTHER ONE FREE!”

Me: “Well, it was a three day rental, and you could have brought it in anytime in those three days and we would have been happy to exchange it free of charge. However since it’s late, I can’t do that.”

(A woman calls in, telling me that she rented Good Luck Chuck for her young son’s sleepover without watching the movie first. She showed the movie to a party of young boys, and then had to call their parents to apologize.)

Woman: “I need to know how I can prevent this from happening in the future.”

Me: “Well, if you bring the movie up to the counter, chances are that somebody has seen the movie, and if they haven’t we can point you in the direction of a movie that would be appropriate.”

Woman: “This movie says ‘unrated.’ It should be okay!”

Me: “Actually, ‘unrated’ means that things have been put into the movie that couldn’t be shown in theaters.”

Woman: “What? I’ve seen CARTOONS that are unrated.”

(I assume she’s talking about ‘not rated,’ but decide that telling her that there’s a difference will just make her angrier.)

Me: “Well, if you flip over and read the back of the movie, under the rating it will tell you what it is rated that for–”

Me: “I’m sorry about the misunderstanding. All I can suggest is that if you’re not sure, you can bring the movie up to the counter and we can help you. Would you like me to put a free movie on your account?”

Woman: “I don’t think you should even carry this movie on your shelves, it’s disgusting.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only get what Corporate sends us.”

Woman: “Who can I complain to?”

Me: “All I can do is put a free movie on your account for the inconvenience. Our company gets the movies with the ratings from the production companies–”

Woman: “How can I call the production companies?”

Me: “Um, I guess you could search for them on Google?”

Woman: “Good, I am going to call the production company right now and complain.”

Me, trying desperately not to laugh: “Okay, I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, have a nice night.”

(She hung up the phone and I immediately burst out laughing–apparently a label saying, “UNRATED – CHUCKED UP EDITION,” in giant letters, as well as all of the warnings on the back and just the plot of the movie are not enough warning. Does she want us to put up a sign saying, “DO NOT RENT THIS MOVIE FOR YOUR SON’S SLEEPOVER?”)