Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Boy Who Never Forgot

The situation with Katie the Cook grows more interesting by the day. For the past couple of weeks, Katie has been sitting at the bar after her shift for a drink, and we talk. I've found out that she's still living with her baby's father because of the child. She's not happy with the father, she says they fight all the time (but that could imply there's still feelings between them). And just this weekend he got arrested, right after she and I discussed how girls love bad boys, even though they hate them, too. But she's obviously not satisfied with her situation. She even referred to the father as "the babysitter".

I can see this going in two directions. The first, if she were to break up or permanently leave the father, she'd look for someone to fill the vacuum -- replace him with someone who could fill the role of a boyfriend and a father; someone obviously more mature and secure than me. I couldn't possibly hope to fill those roles... at least, not right now.

The second direction would be if she broke up with the father and struck out on her own. After being locked in such a constrictive relationship, she'd probably just want to be alone and enjoy being single. Going from one serious relationship to another would be too overwhelming. She'd need time to breath, rediscover herself, spend time with her baby, whatever. I don't see myself in either of those pictures.

Katie's flattered by my attention. I'm proof to her that men still find her attractive, and want to be with her. On any other level I'm inconsequential. I merely serve the purpose of reminding her that she could still find another man if she wanted to, someone who'd love her and treat her right and take care of her baby as though she were his own daughter. Is anybody is worth that, Katie certainly is. I'd give anything to pull a Lancelot and come sweeping in to rescue her, but I doubt she wants to be rescued right now. She probably wants to find her own way.