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Freedom from Perfection (in this case, Natural Living)

A few weeks ago I saw an ad for a natural deodorant pack (Christmas pack) with 5 deodorants for $17 including tax and shipping (this is super cheap for natural, especially). I did a little research on their website and they seem to be pretty great. I decided to order this Christmas pack and check it out. I received it Monday and it is 5 small tubes. Whoops.

Then, I was reading my old blog and found the posts on natural remedies. I decided to order some stuff to make Elderberry syrup. I pulled out my essential oils again (even though I haven’t used them in about 2 years).

I decided to order from Honest Company even though I had planned on not ordering from them because we really can’t afford it right now.

Then I ordered shampoo/body wash, kids wash, and conditioner from Vitacost.

Then I put natural makeup and a diffuser in my cart on Vitacost (because I was going to wait till payday and order them).

Do you see a pattern here?

One thing leads to another, then to another, then to another… all while we are in a very tight time financially.

There’s nothing wrong with natural living in and of itself, but for me it leads to a pattern of idolatry. Over time, it becomes all I think about. And why? What good does it do? It doesn’t make any sense!!

I have been feeling guilty lately over how much money I spent on “natural living” this month. I went over my budget, and all for things that I KNOW leads me into idolatry.

This pattern all comes down to a few things for me.

I tend to become focused on one thing at a time… if it’s not curriculum, it’s natural living. If it’s not natural living, then it’s a diet. If it’s not a diet, then it’s starting something new.

I have anxiety with obsessive and compulsive traits. I obsess. It’s what I do. I have done this for years and years (I remember buying hundreds of dollars of bottles to find the perfect set of bottles for Karis when she was a baby).

I do things that make me feel “warm and fuzzy.” If my life feels out of control, I find something that makes me feel good and obsess. It’s my way of controlling my world.

I tend to do things that I’ve done in the past because it brings back good memories. It’s another way of controlling.

I try to control my family and kids by controlling the curriculum I use for them, the food they eat, the supplements they put in their body, the products they use, etc.

I do whatever I need to seem to be a “perfect parent.”

I do whatever I need to do to be a “perfect parent.”

I think I know what’s best for my family (until I don’t).

This can be an addiction in and of itself (spending, obsessing, etc).

I’m sure there’s more.

So now what? Well, I can’t send this stuff back. So, I will use it. But, I will buy what I can afford from now on.

We are kind of screwed this paycheck because of how much money I have been spending (well, and Robert will say he didn’t do great, either). We’re going to start fresh next paycheck. That’s all we can do. Back to budgeting, eating frugally, and living simply!