That Time I (Maybe?) Gave Away A Kidney – Part 32 (The Results Don’t Feel Good)

After we got off the phone, I thought about it and tried to process it. But it just didn’t sit right. So, I sent an email.

(Yes, it’s been well established I can be a bit intense and stubborn sometimes.)

I thank him for the phone call and then say, “I know we just talked about it, but I’m having a bit of a hard time accepting it lol. Are we absolutely sure there’s nothing else I can do to better affect the 24-hour urine collections?”

I tell him, “I don’t want to be one of those people who doesn’t deal well with failure. 😛 But I’m just curious if there’s anything, anything at all, I can do… Sorry to bug you and thanks so much!”

He kindly writes back and says it’s not a failure. He asks me not to look at it that way. He promises he’ll look more into it as well. He reiterates we need to table the donation issue and focus on me. He says, “As I said, I do want you to participate in some of the kidney events that we are planning to do.”

[I forgot to mention this in my last post with the jarring phone call. He had said that since he knew I loved running, and volunteering, and such, that I might be a great person to help out with an upcoming kidney run.]

“And please stay in touch. You are an amazing human being.”

That last part was obviously very sweet and kind – to say I’m amazing. And it did help soften the blow a little, I guess. (Oh, compliments… always butterin’ me up.)

I get that he was just trying to be nice and come up with great alternative ways for me to feel like I’m doing something. And I so appreciate him for that. But it didn’t change that in the moment, I felt like, “uuuuugh. Can’t give a kidney. Relegated to the sidelines. I feel so small…”