Thursday, June 14, 2007

Punny Money has exposed its fair share of consumer conspiracies in its brief existence. Okay, maybe just three, but I bet that’s more consumer conspiracies than you’ve exposed. Of course, there’s one thing about these conspiracy theories that sets them apart from your run-of-the-mill, crazy-guy-on-the-street, end-of-the-world ramblings–these conspiracy theories are all true. How do I know? Because readers like you have commented on these conspiracies and provided further evidence of their truthnicity.

The Five Year Guaranteed CFL Bulb Conspiracy

Even though they’ll save you about $80,000 a year on your electric bill, CFL bulbs carry a sneaky warranty. In short, it can cost more to mail in a broken CFL bulb for replacement than to just buy a new bulb yourself.

But here comes SuperJason to the rescue with this brilliant bit of advice for tin-foiling this warranty conspiracy.

I buy mine at Home Depot. If they burn out within the warranty, take them into the store and they’ll replace them. I just did it for 4 bulbs, and they gave me a new receipt! That means the new ones are guaranteed again! I can also send in the rebate again if I like.

The 9-Volt Battery Conspiracy

“Hey, let’s invent a battery that you can only use in a life-saving alarm and then recommend you replace it every six months.” Were these words ever spoken by the powers-that-be at the battery conglomerate? I bet they were, and deanking presents further evidence:

There is some national code that says a smoke detector must be able to run for a year on 1 battery. Therefore the instructions you saw to replace them twice a year does indeed point to a conspiracy…. Also, that is why the OneLink is being recalled: it did not last a year on a set of AAs. Looks like someone should have fallen in line with the conspiracy.

You see, Verizon wants you to pay them for phone and internet service, so thats why it typically bundles them together. But under pressure from consumers and government regulators, it started to offer DSL service without requiring land-line phone service, commonly called “dry loop.” Of course, every time Verizon sells dry loop DSL, that means one more phone customer out the window. So it makes sense that they might sometimes lie about dry loop DSL’s availability in your area.

Jason fell upon an even more insidious Verizon plot when he tried to sign up for Verizon’s DSL service.

Just called Verizon and because I have a landline with MCI and have DSL with Verizon, when the query was put into the system, Verizon said that dry loop DSL was not available for me. They put my address in as a new account and it was available. They suggested I drop my MCI phone provider and then call back, and I should be able to have the dry loop option available on my account. We shall see…

So Verizon might sell you their DSL if you have no land-line, but heaven forbid you have a land-line with someone else. What’s next? Will Verizon soon require you to provide pictures of your phone shattered into a million tiny pieces if you want dry loop DSL?