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Hi. Jedi here, and I’m debating the existence of Hammond. In case you didn’t know, Hammond was leaked in the newest map release for Overwatch, Horizon Lunar Colony, and most everybody thinks he’s a chimpanzee. I do NOT think he’s a chimpanzee, though. I think he’s a baboon. Of course he’s a chimpanzee! Any idiot knows that from the leak! But, what will his abilities be? Most everybody thinks he’ll be a builder, but I think he will be…… a builder.

But, his abilities. Everybody is thinking that he’ll have a shield and a stun beacon, but PLEASE! That’s basically Symmetra (or as some of my friends who shall remain nameless call her, Symmetry). Here are my ideas.

FIRST ABILITY: Movement Destabilizer. This ability will sort of be like the anti-Lucio. It will slow down the enemies that walk near it, speed up the allies that walk near it, and will have 275 health and a 7 second cooldown.

SECOND ABILITY: Shielded Turret. This ability is kind of overpowered, but it’s low fire rate makes up for it. It does 150(!) damage per shot, but only shoots once every 8 seconds. It has 200 health plus 30 shields, and has a 12 second cooldown.

MAIN WEAPON: Pellet Pistol. Hammond holds this in his LEFT hand, making him the first hero to do so. It has 10 shots and empties relatively quickly, firing one pellet per second. It does 75 damage per shot, and is good for long distances.

SECONDARY WEAPON: Okay, sue me. This isn’t an attack, but it’s a shield that has 100 health and can protect 3 people at once. You need to hold down the corresponding button for at least 5 seconds, though, or it loses 5 health a second.

ULTIMATE: Chimp Instincts. I think this is a pretty cool ultimate. It lets Hammond jump really high, move really fast, allows him to climb things, and increases all of his thing’s health by 25%. Also, he can do 100 damage with the Pellet Pistol multiplied by how long the ultimate lasts.

Okay, that’s all of Hammond’s abilities, now onto his stats. He will have 100 health and 125 shields, so his health is relatively high. He will be a defense hero, and will be placed between Mei and Junkrat. Now for some chimpanzee pictures, because i feel like it.

Hi. I’m alive. A bunch of you were probably wondering why I was dead, but if I was dead i’d be rotting in a grave someplace, not writing this right now. Anyways, since I last wrote in, Overwatch had another new event. Honestly, their getting a bit event happy by now. But this isn’t any event. It’s the Overwatch Anniversary Event! Which means that there’s a huge event that takes even longer to download than the game itself. My computer nearly crashed trying to download it! But of course, my computer’s a piece of trash, so that’s obvious.

Anyways, apart from the aforementioned Robocop 76 (It’s actually called Cybersoldier or something stupid, but it’s basically Robocop 76), Bastion got a new skin, and it’s called Dune Buggy, even though it looks nothing like a dune buggy. Here it is.

I can see the resemblance there, Jeff. Also, Genji got a new skin, and it’s the Green Power Ranger. No, literally.

Also, no new skin for Junkrat (boooooooo) But D.Va got a new skin, which is surprising because if we look at D,Va’s play rates…….. What? It’s THAT high? (jumps off Niagara Falls while on fire) And also, Tracer got a new skin, and it’s pretty good.

But honestly, the best skin of them all is Lucio. Take a good long look at that hat, class, because it’s all you’re going to be seeing for a while.

Also, EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER got a new dance emote. Roadhog’s is the best, though.

DO THE HULA-HULA! And if that wasn’t enough, there are THREE new maps! Castillo, Necropolis and The Black Forest are their names, but their basically Dorado, Temple of Anubis, and Eichenwalde. And they are ARENA MAPS! No more Watchpoint: Antartica for me, BOY. Bye.

Okay, Overwatch has a new event, and it’s themed to the Omnic (is that how you spell it?) Uprising in King’s Row, so it’s called Easter. Of course it’s called Uprising! If there was an event themed to the FIFA World Cup, would you call it Summer Games? So, the event. Most of the stuff in it is pretty stinking boring, except DAT GENJI SKIN DOE

That is SICK. I’m a Genji main so i was MORE than happy to see this bad boy. Also, Orisa Null Sector is pretty good.

And also, If you have Hanzo’s Training emote, everything you do will automatically be cool. (Hanzo mains rejoice. #MemesGalore.) And also, the event has a new game mode called Uprising, where you play as a strike team of Mercy, Torbjorn, Reinhardt, and everybody’s favorite time traveling Brit, Tracer. Note the sarcasm.The point of it is to complete a number of objectives without Strike Commander Morrison going, “Tracer’s Down! Revive her” Mercy: “Heroes Never Die!” Morrison: “Glad to hear it.”

Hello, and welcome to another Overwatch Character Review! Today’s Character: Orisa

Orisa was added last Tuesday, and is Overwatch’s first new tank hero. She is the 2nd “Core” tank in the game (the first one was Reinhardt) and is the only tank hero that is good long range. Her abilities are the following:

Y: Supercharger. Orisa’s ult. It charges up all people on your team within it’s line of sight.

Okay, Now that I’ve gone over her Abilities now onto her Skins. I am currently using her OR-50 skin (Got no pictures of it, Sorry!) And think that apart from her Legendary’s, she suffers from Winston Syndrome (no good skins). So, for a final analysis, I give orisa……. 8/10! I think she is a really good tank, but if she had a few more skins she would get higher. Bye!

Yes, that opening sounded WAY too dramatic.But, You’re probably going, What’s an Orisa? Well, I’ll tell you what an Orisa is. Orisa is the….. NEWEST HERO IN OVERWATCH! WOOT WOOT! She is a…. Well, take a look at the picture.

As you can tell, she is a robot, built by Efi Oladele, a 10-year old child prodigy, from recycled Omnic parts, to protect the city of Numbani from danger. I bet a bunch of you are going, YAY! A character that ties in with Numbani! Her abilities are the following: (for XBox One)

LB: Protective Barrier. A barrier that protects from oncoming attacks.

ULTIMATE: Supercharger. Charges players on your team with extra damage. YAY for players on Orisa’s team!

She is the first new tank character in the game. However, the funny thing about her is the fact that she was NOT teased at all. Probably because the Sombra thingamajiggy failed. A LOT. Everybody was expecting Doomfist to be added. But, Orisa seems like a really good tank. The only bad things about her are her skins, but HEY! She’s a new character! Half her skins are probably going to be changed! Geez! And that brings us to the end of the news. Bye!

Welcome to a brand new feature on JSG! Clash Royale and Clash of Clans are 2 of the most popular games out nowadays, and I am a turd so I shall be adding a new feature AGAIN though it isn’t friday. ONTO THE….. whatever the heck this feature is.

This is the Battle Ram. The newest card in clash royale and an utter piece of crap. It’s like the Hog Rider for people who are to cheap to use it and/or don’t have it even though it comes in the arena right after it. It costs 4 elixir (the same as the hog rider) and only attacks buildings (like the Hog Rider). BUT, it has a charge function (like the prince) and spawns two barbarians when it is killed (No clue where THAT came from). HOWEVER, I am going to vouch for the card and will say that when it is charging, it has some SERIOUS damage to towers.

Note to self: Photoshop your OWN pictures instead of pulling ones off the web. Anyways, it comes in the Builders Workshop, so if your not in that arena you’re out of luck. So, is it a piece of crud? Yes, and that is why I am giving it 5/10. The end!

EDIT: (When i said i had no clue where the Barbs came from, the barbs are actually holding up the ram.)

Yo. Today i am writing to give an update on what has been going on lately in GAMING (Woot Woot!) Lets get started eh?

1- Overwatch.

This thing is Doomfist’s gauntlet. People are saying that Doomfist is a new character in-game. I think that he WILL…. not be a character until march. Blizzard needs time to design him, people!

2- Planet Coaster.

Since i reviewed planet coaster, there has been a new update which added a new coaster (The INVINCIBLE) a new ride (SCIZZER) and a new winter theme. Heres a winter park that somebody made, cause it sure as hell wasn’t me.

Yes, it’s horrendous quality. Shut up.

And on that heart attack of a picture we end! GOOD NIGHT… OR DAY….. OR MID-NIGHT….. ok ill just end.

RIGHT BUTTON: Take a Breather. Basically heals him up 200 health. C’est le tres TROLOLOL!

ULTIMATE: Whole Hog. Possibly the worst ultimate in the game. WHY: Crap damage, knocks people back (meaning less kills!) and ends really fast.

Ok, now that we’ve gone over his ABILITIES, now onto the UPGRADES (skins and such). I am kind of saying this out of my opinion, but Roadhog has the BEST skins in the game. I am currently using his Stitched skin, (below) and think it is the BEST skin in the game.

Ok, onto the ratings……..

9/10 for Roadhog! That makes him the second best tank in the game (cough cough Reinhardt cough cough) And THAT ends our review. Bye!

Hello. Jedi here. Today we shall be doing a review of the Steam game “Planet Coaster”. I suppose we should start now, eh?

My experience in Planet Coaster started when i opened it up, to the very well designed loading screen. My experience in tycoon games being very small, I decided to start a new park. I picked the “tropical” setting, so i could do pirate stuff. When the game finally got to the actual game, I commenced work on Main St. After being insulted by the games clunky, grid-based building simulator, I realised that there was a “Blue Print” area and picked out my shops and stalls from the games data base. You can see the results of Main St from the below picture.

After Main St was completed, I got bored with such petty bothers as building and went to build my first coaster, Thunder Bird. It was a wooden coaster, and you can see a bit of it in the above photo. As soon as I opened up the coaster editor, I could see that the coasters were the point of this game. The builder was smooth and realistic, the “ride the rides” function was very well made, and the Peeple (Thats what they were called, Really!) flocked to the ride like fat Internet trolls flock to Harveys (a canadian food chain, for the Non-Canadians out there.). Soon I decided to make some Rides. My first rides were a thing called a Gee-Nee, and a ride called The Sun Spin. (the Sun Spin was the thing in the first photo.) Then, i made a LOT of failed coups to make a Kiddy Coaster, but I ended up replacing them with a Ferris wheel and something called the cube, which made The Sun Spin look TAME.I only stopped playing when I realised I had spent 3 hours on the game. All in all, a GREAT simulator that’s only bad spot is the building simulator. I give it 9/10!!!!!!!!!!