Thinking, about cycling. "Anybody whose mind is proud enough not to breed true secretly carries a bomb at the back of his brain; and so I suggest, just for the fun of the thing, taking that private bomb and carefully dropping it upon the model city of commonsense." (This blog began as an archive of DYNAMITE!, the newsletter of London Dynamo cycling club, which you can still access via "DYNAMITE! filed" in the list below on the left.)

DYNAMITE! #39, 28.01.05

November 21, 2010

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter, #39, 28.01.05

BACK WITH A BANG!
It’s been approximately 3,628,800 seconds in the making – and now, after weeks of anxiously waiting for the ticking detonator on this Dyna-mail bomb to reach zero, your favourite Dynamo-related fact-boom has exploded into your inbox once again. We’re gonna have a blast, Dynamates! But before the dust from the explosion has even settled, shell-shocked readers will have noticed that we’ve changed our name. That’s right, Dynamembers – the Newsletter is now known as DYNAMITE! We planned to change our name as a way of repositioning ourselves as the market’s leading Dynamo news source once rival companies decided to launch inferior publications aimed at capturing that highly sought-after London and Surrey-based cycling enthusiast market. Obviously that didn’t happen, but we decided to go ahead with the relaunch anyway, chiefly because the new name enabled us to refer to Mrs Newsletter as Mrs Dynamite. It really is that simple! We also have some reasonably informative and moderately amusing features lined up for 2005, including an exclusive four-part series written by RoadCyclingUK.com editor GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS which starts this issue. But before Dynamo’s grouch-in-chief gets going, we’re going to journey back 1,008 hours to a time when this humble organ was known merely as the London Dynamo Newsletter and that first exquisite mince pie of the festive season had yet to settle on our waistlines. Here comes the first helping of seconds…

COMICAL TALLY
The year ended on a high for Dynamo as it featured in no fewer than three articles in the Comic’s super-sized Christmas special. It doesn’t get any more prestigious than that! Cycling Weekly handed out a Good Egg award to Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler after he was nominated by the club – and the Croydon-based wordsmiths showed their class by borrowing the memorable phrase “Surrey League supremo” from this very publication. Glad to know we could be of help, fellas! Keith received a gong for his sterling work promoting races throughout the season, which gave PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN the chance to chip in a few words “on behalf of London Dynamo”. He told the mag: “As a club, we believe that without Keith, cycling would cease to exist in the south east.” We couldn’t have put it better ourselves! Elsewhere in the bumper edition, snapper Phil O’Connor revealed that a photo of rain-drenched WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE was one of his images of 2004 and the Cyclefit sensation’s boss PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL gave CW’s readership a quick lesson in positioning. It deserved better than page 94, pal!

THE LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT
No doubt fired up by Dynamo’s triple whammy in Britain’s top weekly cycling rag, compact killer RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT went along to Hillingdon that same week to finish an impressive 15th in the third race of the arduous winter series. Meanwhile, plucky MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT came up with a good excuse to stuff himself silly during Christmas by losing 250g. The lanky lad confessed he had “two operations and plenty of morphine” to have the long, weighty metal pin taken out of his leg which was put in as a result of his infamous spill in April – and you can see the whopper here: http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=62. That should be under the bonnet of a car, not sitting next to someone’s femur!

KEEPING TRACK
As Martin lay in his hospital bed doped up to the eyeballs, fixed-gear fireball NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK was screaming for a sedative in Newport. The burly blonde barrister, who has turned his hand to track racing, explains: “Riding behind the derny bikes was a laugh until they hit well over 30mph and my lungs blew up.” Ouch! Unflappable Nick has also been single-speeding it at Calshot – and he says of the Hampshire Hell-odrome: “The ‘wall of death’ experience was not, in fact, that terrifying. It’s steep and a long way down from the top but as long as you keep moving you can sort of convince yourself that gravity has been suspended for the day.” This fella’s going to find Herne Hill a doddle!

A-PAUL-ING TORTURE
Meanwhile, committed Parkriders GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS and CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL kept the flame burning by doing two laps of Richmond Park on the final Saturday of 2004 – even though it was Christmas morning. What on Earth is wrong with you two boys? As if that wasn’t enough, Chris popped round to PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’S pad in Kingston seven days later to do a 10-mile time trial on the race secretary’s turbo trainer and limped off a broken man 26 minutes later. That’s one hell of a way to start the New Year! Paul is training to be a British Cycling coach – and the bespectacled lad is one of his guinea pigs. We can only hope Paul’s other “willing volunteer” RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT fairs better!

NUTS CASE
But it was Dynamo’s debut on the small screen that provided the biggest talking point for Dynamates while we were “off air”. Our pals at Ginger TV, who made the much-anticipated edition of So You Think You’re Safe, gave us the wrong transmission date – so we’re thankful that diligent committee man ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON was on hand to tape the show when it was repeated on Sky Mix. What a relief! Regular readers will remember that MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, STUART ‘EYE’ SPIES, MIKE ‘SCAMP’ WALLACH and Andy were filmed at the Old Deer Park with presenter Liz Bonnin in Richmond last October – but the real star of the show was WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s nuts. The lucky lad had a large implement shoved up the leg of his bib shorts which enabled Sky One’s viewers to get a thermal image of his gentleman’s area – and if you’re reading this on email, you can hit your “red button” now to see Warrick’s wotsits in full interactive techno-vision. Just log onto http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the Newsletter link to see that sizzling screenshot and many others from the programme. You won’t regret it! Apparently, the programme’s experiment “proves” that the heat generated by cycling can lead to infertility. Someone obviously forgot to tell the dozens of fathers in the pro peloton!

ANDREWS’ GUY-DE TO RACING
Which leads us, in the most tenuous way possible, to the subject of competitive cycling. Dozens of novice Dynamates and Dynamettes are in training for what many are already calling the most eagerly-anticipated events of the forthcoming season – so the ever-considerate GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has put together a fantastic four-part guide for the Dynamo Beginners’ Series, which begins at Hillingdon on Saturday, February 19. This week’s instalment is called: Where Do I Ride In The Bunch? Take it away, Guy!
“Mainwaring here. A few pointers to get you ready for the Beginners’ Series.
“The race has started. You are milling about a bit, worried about getting in the way. You feel intimidated by the fast-moving bunch and the fit-looking riders. You’re thinking: ‘It’s like the Parkride, but they’re all shouting at me and it’s even more scary than Capt. Mainwaring. But I haven’t got a clue what to do.'”
“We are here to help. Over the next four weeks we will give you some handy hints on how to ride your first race.
“But firstly, and somewhat obviously, here are a few basic things you SHOULD NOT do – especially in a Dynamo jersey!
1) Swerve around and make sudden changes of direction
2) Brake suddenly on a corner, or at all – unless you have to
3) Try to move up through the middle of the bunch
4) Look around or over your shoulder – you need to use peripheral vision and be aware of the space you are moving into
5) Go into spaces that look like they will close up suddenly – remember that you can cut up the rider behind you very easily.
6) Look nervous and scared. Be confident and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING
7) Ride as if you are the only rider who matters. It’s like riding in a flock of geese – and they don’t ‘do their own thing’. They stick together and move as one. You must be a considerate rider as well as an aggressive one.
8) Turn up late, on a dirty bike, in dirty kit and without your helmet, gloves or shoes.
“Remember: you are a Dynamo. If you look and behave like a pro, you will feel better and you will ride better.
“So let’s get down to this week’s question. Positionally, in a road bunch, you have several options. But where do you think you should be? Do you:
a) Stay at the back for safety
b) Go to the front without an idea or a plan then loose your way and end up at the back again
c) Relax, identify a ‘steady wheel’ near to the front, and try to stay in touch with them, constantly reasserting your place and position
d) Sprint off the front and attack at every opportunity. It’s far safer out there
e) Ride behind the most dangerous looking rider, following his every move… and hope he doesn’t crash
“Answer next week.”
Thanks, Guy! Dynamo’s tactical master has also put together a bit more info on http://www.roadcyclinguk.com/news/article/mps/UAN/162/v/5. He’s really spoiling you lot!

KIT ME, BABY, ONE MORE TIME
Guy really just can’t stop giving this week! He dropped us a line to say that one more episode of the club’s long-running kit saga has made its way to Cyclefit. Freezing Dynamembers can finally pick up a long-sleeve Dynamo jersey for £45 – so now there’s no excuse for dressing in the capital’s most stylish kit this winter!

STUDIO TIME
Finally, International Man of Leisure CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD is looking for a few Dynamates to join him at the Riverside Studios on Sunday to see Velo de Ghislain Lambert, a movie about a Belgian bike racer from the Merckx era. Take a gander at the forum for more details – and make sure he buys you a pint by the river afterwards!

BLOWN AWAY
The sound of the first DYNAMITE! explosion of 2005 is ringing in our ears – and we’ll be pushing down on the plunger again in just seven days. Always remember that we are just a suspicious-looking package and we would be nothing without you, our TNT. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BLOW-UP’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on email. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Scotland Yard’s bomb squad bring in the sniffer dogs, it only remains for us to remind you about…