Happy Election Day!

I woke up this morning with a start. “Election Day! It’s Election Day!” I yelled in my head. I also yelled it out loud. My roommate groggily looked over at me, but I was too excited to give a shit. Because today is Election Day. The day that will go down in history as the day the Republicans partisanly took their elephant-like hoofs and smashed the Democrats in a terrified fear-driven yet incredibly effective blind rage.

I’m either at a Republican club party for our imminent victory or at a BET comedy show on campus (when will the student activities people get it through their head that this campus is not diverse and we’d be much better off with some good old LA alternative comedians or something), but regardless I don’t know if I’ll be able to provide intelligent, serious, nonstupid commentary right off the bat. And if I attempt to, it’ll either be said in an Obama-like “negro dialect” or in a drunken “USA IS THE FUCKING BEST” manner. So yeah, I’m excited for this election, and you should be too. Good times shall be had by all. Or at least most. Or at least all who matter.