Fighting Fur-Pocalypse: How to Win The War on Cat Fur

Having cats is like fighting a neverending war on the encroachment of crumbs and fuzz and mangled half-dead insects in your home. There’s basically no upside, and I don’t know why anyone does it.

I kid, of course. The upside is cuddles. And hilarity. And heart-exploding lurve. So much lurve, I can’t even.

But all the love in the world doesn’t make crumbs and fuzz and mangled insects disappear. I spent the last few years refining my formula for eliminating the crumbs (litter box scatter) part of the problem:

The fuzz infestation is still a work in progress. Keyword being progess—I’ve made lots of it, and it feels like the tide is really and truly turning.

I became keenly aware of the dire state of things during our recent move; as rugs were rolled up and furniture was pulled away from corners, I was confronted with swathes of cat fur, smeared along our baseboards and clinging to the undersides of our couch. Did I mention I’m deathly (ok, slight exaggeration) allergic to cats? It’s true. The fur infestation only exacerbates my snot-riddled mornings and weepy-eyed afternoons.

With a new, freshly-scrubbed house as my canvas, here’s how I’m tackling the fur invasion before it can mutate into a full blown Fur-Pocalypse.

The Basic Plan of Attack

To start, get your own house as close to a clean slate as possible. Dig out your vacuum and go to town—especially on rugs and carpets, which should be vacuumed twice. Tuck a vacuum hose into every nook and cranny, behind every open door, and against every corner of your house, particularly under furniture.

My secret weapon: Invest in a good cordless vacuum. (Not handheld. We’ll be needing some real muscle here.) You’d be amazed at how much easier it is to vacuum, and how much more often you do it, when you’re not encumbered by a long, unwieldy cord. Navigating around a cord (and running out of slack) is the bane of my vacuuming existence.

I can’t say enough good things about this vacuum. I never thought I’d be one of those people who gush about cleaning products, but here we are.

It’s powerful, agile, charges super fast, and has LED lights that illuminate the floor in front of the vacuum head. That last feature is SO key. Even in full daylight, it’s incredible the amount of dust bunnies and fur monsters the stark white light reveals.

Getting More Granular

Next up, grab yourself a good fur-removing tool for your clothes and furniture. Traditional lint rollers with the sticky papers are nice, if you’re a masochist. Seriously, I hate those things. One good swipe and the top sheet is rendered useless.

In case you can’t tell, I dislike things that need to be constantly refilled or replaced, so up until recently I was using one of those directional lint-grabbing brushes:

They work well, but tend to clog up quickly and peeling lint and miscellaneous fuzz out of the bristles is such a chore.

Try to look past the as-seen-on-TV branding and adverts. I know. It’s off-putting and weird. (The fact that some foul-mouthed internet stranger is shilling them on her cat blog probably doesn’t help either.)

But let me just say—it is the goddamn greatest. It’s exactly the kind of fur remover I would have designed if I had more brains and more ambition. It’s basically the grabby bristles of the aforementioned lint brush, built into a roller than self-cleans and collects hair in every alternating stroke.

It’s an ingenius, ugly plastic piece of crap and I LOVE IT. I rolled it vigorously over my king-sized comforter and collected enough fine cat fluff to make several small nests. Horrifying. And utterly mesmerizing.

(For the record, I hunted down this weird little contraption on my own, purchased it on my own dime, and never do sponsored posts. So you can mostly* trust me.)

*sometimes I am drunk. Disregard when drunk.

Getting More Aerial

For round-the-clock cleanup of airborne fur, get yourself an air purifier specially designed for pet hair. The model I equip at home targets smaller particles like pet dander (and is hence a bit pricier), but if fur is all you’re after then a basic model will do.

Preventative Measures

Preventative measures are never fun. Who wants to be told to floss every day, when there are books to be read and Netflix series to be binged? However, if you’re really serious about winning this fluff war in totality, it can’t be avoided.

That’s right, you gotta brush those fur-burgers. And brush ’em good. And brush ’em vigilantly. Aim for at least every other day.

If your cats hate being brushed like mine do, use a soft, fine-bristled slicker brush like this fella:

Make like the reviews say and comb your cat a new fur friend. Seriously, the amount of loose, downy undercoat this thing digs out is extreme. Some cats love it, but mine try to rip my face off when I come near them with this thing. Your mileage may vary. This tool is also a replica of a much pricier deshedding tool called The Furminator, but works just as well for much less $$$. I’m all about getting a deal.

Even after all this, once a month on a clear breezy day I’ll throw open all the windows and doors in my place and let the wind tease out any unseen fur colonies. Out, dust! Out, cursed tumbleweeds of fur!

Grab a broom and give your unwanted dust n’ fur-bunny guests a hand out the front door. It’s cathartic, and refreshing. And there’s nothing so pleasant as the smell of a freshly windswept home.

Just make sure your cats are tucked away in a closed room while all of this is going on. You wouldn’t want to mistake them for a particularly aggressive fur clump and send them sailing out an open window. Or would you?

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Disclaimer

WhyCatWhy is not run by a licensed veterinarian. We aim to provide some insight into cat behavioral quirks and minor physical maladies. If your cat is displaying strange behavior (well, stranger than normal) or is feeling out of sorts, consult your vet straight away!