Halloween headsman

by Lovebug
(Boston)

David, how you enjoyed your favorite day of the year. Last year as I was getting ready for work,I was hesitant to even go,considering it was only months that you passed. But I pushed forward,not knowing how I would make it through your happiest holiday. I had to brush my teeth so into the bathroom I went, I was so depressed, how could I put on a happy face for my young students when I feel so sad? As I stood over the sink,something caught my eye, it was you standing there smiling, just for a moment. From that instant I was so happy, my colleagues were curious and asked me why,I hadn't smiled since you left. Not caring about what they would think I told them of my morning and how you appeared. Most of my friends were happy for me and believed my story. All I know is that it wasn't such a bad after all.I don't know if it's what I wanted to believe or if it really happened, but it was just what I needed. I haven't seen him since, but have felt his touch at different times. I was so in love, how can I be expected to find that same love again.When my husband was dying he asked me to please not be angry and sad, but to try to be happy and get married again, I swore at him,but I realize he did want me to go on.I am trying, but it is the most difficult task of my life.

Comments for Halloween headsman

Lovebug I am so sorry for your loss of your husband and for the sadness that you still feel. To lose a spouse is the worst pain of grief you can feel.I lost my beloved husband of 44yrs. to a deadly slow cancer 3yrs. ago. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days before he died. He was my first love and my last. Often a moment like you had of seeing David and having a happy day is all it takes to change our perspective on our grief. As I say often. Marriage is the challenging part of life we choose. Death we have no control over. But we do have a measure of control over our life and how we live it after grief. For me I took 6 months out of my life and did nothing. The couch became my best friend whilst I nurtured myself with TV and doing nothing. This is all it took. 6 months and I started to heal and feel better about life. Just to feel better felt good. To shed that RAW PAIN OF GRIEF felt so good. I thought I would never recover. How we live our life after losing a spouse is different for each of us. No right or wrong way. Some will fall in love again, whilst other's will stay single and find fulfilment in FREEDOM to choose and do what they want. For me I chose the latter. FREEDOM is the gift I felt I was left by God and He is watching me to see what I do. I am nurturing myself each day in my retirement and it feels so good. I can contemplate how Blessed I have been through my marriage and having my 3 children who are now living their lives as I did. I can look forward now with a maturity that allows me to put everything into perspective and have a FOCUS that allows me to go through each day viewing my BLESSINGS. Time to reflect on how content I am that life ended well in the phase of my life caring for my family, and now a new phase that will be up to me how I live it. Either way I have the FREEDOM to Choose.

Oct 21, 2015

your husb andby: Nadine

Lovebug, I believe you. Treasure that moment for it will stay with you. I had a similar experience after my mom died. I was lying in bed one night, before I fell asleep, and I saw my mom's face looking down at me just for a moment. Then she was gone. I have never forgotten it.