Therapy could help resolve past abuse

Sunday

Jul 29, 2012 at 12:01 AMJul 29, 2012 at 3:55 PM

Dear Abby: I'm a 25-year-old happily married woman. Ever since the birth of my son a little more than a year ago, I find myself becoming angry at things that happened in my childhood that I thought I had "gotten over."

Dear Abby: Iím a 25-year-old happily married woman. Ever since the birth of my son a little more than a year ago, I find myself becoming angry at things that happened in my childhood that I thought I had ďgotten over.Ē

I was mentally, physically and sexually abused by my father. He has never had to answer for his actions. My mother was emotionally and verbally abusive. I have a newfound anger toward her, and the hatred for my father has resurfaced.

How do I get over this? I had therapy as a kid. Iím looking for other options.

ó Having Flashbacks in Marion, Ohio

Dear Having Flashbacks: You might be looking for ďother options,Ē but more counseling might be the best option for you. Now that you are a mother, with a daily reminder of how small and fragile a child is, itís not surprising that you are angry at your parents for the way you were treated when you were little and helpless.A licensed psychotherapist can help you work through this in the shortest possible time, so please donít wait to ask for a referral.

Dear Abby: Less than a year ago, my 28-year-old son, ďDavid,Ē married his college sweetheart, ď Ann.Ē Sheís a wonderful girl. They bought a home near her job in the Midwest.

David sometimes goes out of state on temporary jobs. He called me a month ago while on a job in a resort area and told me he has met someone and wants out of his marriage. He said Ann has been great, they never argue, etc., but he was pressured into the marriage and doesnít really know where his life is going.

Ann has called me several times in tears. She said she would give him time, but she is almost ready to give up. I am heartbroken. I think my son is making a terrible mistake, as Ann truly loves him and will do anything for him. I love her like a daughter.

I have spoken to David and told him what I think, but I donít know what else to do. There is no good reason for this breakup. How can I help him not to go ahead with this?

ó Very Sad Mom in Maryland

Dear Mom: You canít prevent your son from leaving the marriage. You would do him and Ann a favor, however, to suggest that, when his business in the resort area is finished, they seek marriage counseling. David might want out because he met someone or, as he said, he didnít really want to be married in the first place. If thereís an upside to this, itís that they donít have children.

Although the situation is sad and you love your daughter-in-law, donít allow yourself to be put in the middle or you will alienate your son. If the marriage doesnít work out, you can still have a relationship with Ann, although it wonít be the one you expected.