We met Ms. Pham Thi Thuy in the Quang Tri Province in Central Vietnam. Her gentle demeanor was a stark contrast to the violent past she described as she recalled what happened to her family after her father was killed. Ms. Thuy was five years old back then. She vividly remembers the day the South Vietnamese came for her mother, who was imprisoned and tortured for being married to a North Vietnamese soldier. Her mother survived, but Ms. Thuy was forced to deny her heritage to avoid the same fate.

Ms. Thuy came to the 2 Sides Project meeting with a lot of hesitation, and a lot of questions. She walked away with answers, and a new understanding. She said to us then “I see that you have a lot of pain, and I do, too.”

We recently asked Ms. Thuy to share her impressions and thoughts about the meeting. We’re providing her responses in Vietnamese and in English, as translated by our friend and Vietnam-USA Society collaborator Ms. Yen.

Ms. Pham Thi Thuy, center. Photo courtesy Anthony Istrico.

Could you tell us about your first impressions when you met with the sons and daughters of the US soldiers killed in Vietnam?I felt very surprised. I questioned why the children of the enemy – the enemy of my family, of my country – would come here. I say this because when my father died, when only my mother and I lived together, I hated Americans for such a long time. However, when I met the children of American soldiers who died in Vietnam, I felt their loss was like mine, and I wanted to know about why they had come to Vietnam.

Margaret Von Lienen with Ms. Thuy. Both women were five years old when their fathers were killed. Photo courtesy Anthony Istrico.

What did you think after the meeting?I understood that the fathers of the U.S. sons and daughters are also victims of the unjust war created by the United States at that time. After the meeting, we felt sympathy for each other, we felt much closer together, and we shared happy and sad memories about our parents, about our life, with the sentiments of sincere friends.

Ms. Thuy, standing on the right in front of the red flag, was one of nine Vietnamese sons and daughters who met with the 2 Sides Project group in Quang Tri. Photo courtesy Jared Groneman.

Did the meeting make you change in any way?I found that we are not the only ones who suffered from the loss of spirit and material damage caused by the war but even them – children of American soldiers killed in Vietnam – also suffered from the devastating consequences of the war. Therefore, we must fight for a peaceful world, without war, without suffering and loss.

What would your father think about you meeting and interacting with the US. sons and daughters?I think in the other world, my father is also following the process of normalization and development of the Vietnam-U.S. relations after the war. He would like us to remove all the hatred of the past and work together towards a better future.