Hey! Saw people reviewing this in the Slytherin Review Tag a couple times and I thought I'd check it out.

This is a really interesting story. I like the dark vibe you have going on with the mystery of what happened to Dom. Although while I can assume what happened to Dom to make the light/innocence in her eyes vanish, I kind of wish you gave a little more detail. At least so we can understand WHY exactly she wants to be killed. You mentioned Louis and something about being pregnant, and I just don't know what's going on.

There are also some grammatical issues with your story. I know some people can go overboard with commas, but you really don't have enough, which made following the story a little more difficult when your sentences have two things happening and nothing to break them up. Maybe you could find a beta who is willing to help you out.

But other than that, this was a really good story and if this wasn't a one-shot, I'd like to read more.

Good job!

xxEE16

Author's Response: Hello EE16! I saw the 1 unanswered review and was like "Oh mother of Merlin" but, then I read it and had to smile a bit. I really like how irritated everyone got when I left it vague (sorry to say it was on purpose). It was the first time I focused on character drama rather than basing a story off a specific situation and just "rolling with it". Comma's are a funny thing, normally I am informed I have far too many so I generally shrug and roll with it.

Wow - great job starting off dark (which the warnings promised) and with mystery. I mean, what did Dom do? What would her family disapprove of *that* much? I'm (not literally) dying to know.

(I love that her middle name is Nymphadora - is that from canon or did you add that? I really love it either way)

You do a great job demonstrating the relationship Dom and Scorpius have and his feelings for her. I am so glad he was able to pull her back from the ledge (emotionally). I'd still love to know the background to this (which means you did a great job making me care in such a short story).

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review! Sorry it took me so long to respond! I am glad you liked the dark entrance. I thought I had to make an entire scene wrap around one line; so dark was a must. As for the background I will admit that I am not even too sure haha.

As for her middle name I thought about it and it had a lovely ring. As far as I know that was never officially made cannon. I am glad you got emotionally involved!

This was an interesting story, I liked your plot concept. You really made me feel for Dominique and I just wanted to hug her. Scorpius was adorable too =) The idea was really good, and your dialogue was nice.

I'd just say that if you could polish this one-shot a bit, it would turn out beautifully. For starters, there are some grammar errors that need to be fixed. Then, if you could include some more descriptions and detail, of the surroundings, the situation, the appearances, and most importantly the thoughts/feelings, it would really enhance the story. The plot concept is great so if you could execute it in a nicer manner, this could be very good. I know you wrote this in a hurry but now you can always go back and edit it to improve, or get a beta =)

Otherwise, this made for a nice and short read and I liked it. You have potential!

Good work,
Cheers!
AD
(AditiDraco95)

Author's Response: Hello Aditi :) Thanks for tagging me :p

I agree that this story could use a shoe-shine (Spit shines may be "manly" but that is a little to slimy for my liking).

I always have grammar issues to fix. I have just learned to accept it as my "style of writing".

I can defiantly add some more descriptions and things of that nature but I sort of made it vague on purpose. My goal was to not only keep you guessing but to surprise you in the end. To be honest: as vague and sloppy this story is, it is probably the best story I have bothered to try for HPFF.

Thank you for telling me I have some potential. Right now that is all I can hope to have.

Oh, this was so sad! I really felt for Dom, the poor thing. I think you dealt with quite a few sensitive issues with a large amount of empathy and aplomb, which is difficult to do in the best of circumstances.

If you ever decide to edit this story, I think it has a lot of potential to become even better. A little more investment in Scorpius' character and perhaps a dash of description here or there, and hey presto! An even better story!

Author's Response: I know I had a lot of sensitive issues packed into a one shot but I thought I stumbled through them at best...

Thank you for the suggestions! I will defiantly add more to Scorpius' character when I do some editing later. Description was something I admit I failed to focus on and need to look at again. Thanks for the review :)
XOXOXOX,
LLG

Hey there, fellow Snake :)
This was a real intense, little read! I wasn't expecting something full of such emotion. You wrote your characters really well, and I felt extremely sorry for poor Dom. No wonder Scorpius was so angry. I felt that Dom's situation could have been elaborated on at first, but by the end, I liked that you didn't touch on that. The sense of mystery gave it a very sinister feel, and I think that it work really, really well. And, hey, for an one-hour slap together, this was very, very good :)
There was this one sentence though:
"Her face had streaks from tears that rolled down her pale just a short while before."
I think you're missing cheeks, or face in there :)
Anyway, awesome job that was a pleasure to read!
-Mahalia

Author's Response: Whoops. So you found a mistake! I knew one would eventually be found...

Pleasure? Really...? aw shucks. :)

I was at a cross roads whether to add detail into the situation but I wanted the focus to be on the character interaction rather than just a reaction to the situation you know? Thanks for all the kind words! You made me blush a little :)

Firstly, thank you for entering in it, and keeping your promise, even if it was a quick write. I do that too on occasion...Anyway, down to business! I think your use of the quote was quite good. The situation is definitely something I wasn't expecting, so kudos to you on that! A little bit more elaboration on Dom's situation would have been nice, but I can see where a bit of mystery is necessary and works well. Scorpius/Dominique is definitely a pairing I haven't seen yet, so that was new for me also. This was one of my favorite quotes from that book because it showed how much pain and distress Newt was in at that time and he wanted Thomas to do what he wanted even though it would hurt so much. So what I'm saying is that you used a tough situation for this as well so good job!

Great one-shot, I'll get the winners posted soon! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you very much for such the kind review. I liked the dramatic quote so I just played off that if you couldn't tell. With one-shots and things of this nature I like leaving the vagueness- just to give it some mystery. I am glad the situation was unexpected and I am ecstatic that you thought it was a good job :)
XOXOXOXOXOX,
LLG

For one-hour-slop-together this was very good! I really like the friendship/relationship you've created here, I've seen a whole load of Scorpius/Rose but never Dominique/Scorpius before and it was a refreshing change. He is such a sweet character in this and clearly cares a great deal for Dom, I loved the line "you are worth the moon's weight in gold" it was so cute! I thought the quote worked really well as an opening to the story and the circumstances that lead her to say it were so sad. This was really well written, I didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes and if flowed perfectly. great job! Thanks for the swap :)

Author's Response: Wow. Not a problem what-so-ever since it is such a pleasure to read your work :)

I made the circumstances as realistic and dramatic as possible to fit such a dramatic line. I thought the quote you mentioned was nice to add and really set the tone with it.