My head is so fucking clouded. Second guessing everything. I've never felt stupid for being optimistic, but right now I feel like fool. How wonderful, how fucking great would it be if something changed. Just once.

You can only hope for the same thing for so long, sometimes its just too hard to keep forcing yourself to swallow feelings that want to consume you. I will never escape this. Trapped.

The worst feelings are the ones you have no control over. The ones that you have no understanding of. The kind of feelings that you would do anything to get rid of or forget about but they cling to you like a fucking vine. The type of feeling that consumes your entity and affects everything you are. Do you lose yourself to it or do you try and push away what your mind won't let you forget. Better yet, are you stronger if you forget it or embrace it?

Suppose some of these things just take some time to pass, or maybe they never do and they change everything thing you ever believed to be true up to that point.

Maybe all you can do is follow your gut, because thats the realest thing you have. It is either your last choice or your lost chance. Fuck it.

Spending time with old friends is the best. On a side note.. I got season three of dragon ball z. I'm just going to go ahead and have a little marathon in my basement. THAT is what I call a good Saturday night :)

My best friend has officially started designing my first tattoo! I've been thinking about about what I wanted for a long time, and I've finally settled.

Dream-catchers (? spelling) are significant to me in so many ways. The most prominent reason for me getting this tattoo is so I never forget to pursue my dreams. Although Dream-catchers usually represent the catching of nightmares etc, the tangled web and colours represent more beauty to me then anything else. There is nothing more beautiful, and nothing that means more to me then staying true to myself and never forgetting or giving up on my dreams.

I know a lot of people think its dumb to get a tattoo at such a young age because you will "grow out of it" meaning you won't like it ten years from now. Thankfully I am not trying to please the me ten years from now, this represents me as I am right now, and what is significant to me at this particular time in my life. If the me ten years from now is so lame that I stop liking my own (meaningful) body art...then future me sucks.

.. Hopefully we'll also be able to work in some lyrics from my favorite band and I can love this tattoo for the rest of my fucking life. Fuck yeah.

I actually have put so much time and faith into my dream board. Out of all of it there is one that stands out to me, and I will make the same wish a million times until it comes true. And if it doesn't.. then I don't know what.

Persistence. Without it I have nothing I suppose.I want something, and I will never give up on it. That doesn't mean I have to be ruthless, it means I can wait, it means I can be hopeful. It means I will wait, and that I'm okay with that, even if it is difficult and there are days that I think otherwise. Good things are always worth the wait.

"I watch as the light slides across your face, highlighting every skin cell, showing only good as my mind airbrushes away the blemishes of youth and the hardness of your crystal blue eyes. My mind focuses my eyes to see only you, building you up and creating a relationship that nether of us will ever experience. I live for the moments when your eyes gaze at me unintentionally. For weeks that turn to months I live with you, glazed over my pupils. I fall asleep hoping that your mind strays to me. I see you in everything."

We are so fucking young. I won't settle down until my body stops working.You can disagree, relationships end, friendships end, everything ends. But who and what matters most remains unchanged. Thats what matters. Following your heart matters. I'm not afraid.