Judge John Hodgman on Counting Visors as Hats

By John Hodgman

July 28, 2016

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CreditIllustration by Kyle Hilton

Stephen writes:My wife and I were in a restaurant the other day, and she casually mentioned that there were 10 people wearing hats in the room. I looked around and could count only six, but she had included everyone wearing a visor. This started a lively debate: Is a visor a hat?

Though we are far apart and this was written weeks ago, I trust you can still hear my gasp of disgust as it echoes through space-time. I thought this was going to be about wearing hats in restaurants, but then you bring visors into it? A visor is a hat that forgot to wear pants. It has given up, has no respect for others or itself and is the moral equivalent of a human wearing a hat in a restaurant. There are exceptions, I guess (Truck stops? Food courts? Maybe an underwater restaurant?). But really, any place that offers you shelter from the elements should be met with equal courtesy: Take your dumb hat off. As for your visor, when you break for dinner, leave it with the other poker-playing dogs.

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A version of this article appears in print on , on Page 26 of the Sunday Magazine with the headline: Bonus Advice From Judge John Hodgman. Order Reprints | Today’s Paper | Subscribe

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