Tuesday, August 31, 2004

This is me today. I am so angry at the phone company. This is what I wanted to do to the phone guy that came out yesterday.and this is what I want to do to the phone company. I called Saturday because there was noise on the line and it was on their side not mine. Monday they come out and tell me there is no problem. Well duh I know there is. I am being kicked off line 50 -100 times a day. I can hear the noise and I am very hard of hearing. Well today they come out again. Less than 1 hour later off line I go again. This time the noise is so bad the best connection I can get is 12,000bps. That is bad very bad. I called them again. This time I had a cell number and left a voice mail. If he cannot hear it then he is deaf. I will be calling again in the morning the first time I get kicked off. Okay sending this before I lose it again.

“Every small, positive change we can make in ourselves repays us with confidence n the future.” ~Alice Walker, American writer

We resist change. There is a comman saying," accept me as I am not as you want me to be." We expect others to change for us.

Change is a hard thing to do. It matters not if it is a big or a small change. What matters is that the change comes from within. Just changing how others see you is not a change if inside you are saying just you wait until I am alone.... A true change comes only if it is what you want.

I have things I want to change. Some are small and will be seemingly insignificant, others will have a major impact on my life. No matter what the change, it will be positive. The changes cover all aspects of my life, from my actions to my reactions. Some of the actions are a result of reactions and those will be hard.

My family will feel the effects of my changes as it will effect them too. All of my changes will in some way change others around me. In changing the way I am doing things or reacting to stuff then maybe it will help them to change the things that they need to change.

I know I will hear comments that you don't have to change anything but I do. I know that how I react to certain situations causes me pain and I do not like feeling the way I do when it happens. I am a stubborn person and I will put my back up against a wall and fight you until I have reached the point of no return.

Some of the changes are as simple as in how I clean house. I do whatever I can to get out of it. Unfortunately, I am not organized so therefore the house becomes a wreck. I can clean, I used to make a living at it, but I hate it. Life would be easier around here both physically and mentally if I did clean better. I rebel probally because I had a MIL that would white glove my house. My then husband grew up with that and he expected it from me too. Everything had to be ironed if it need it or not, from shirts, sheets and yes, even underwear. Strangly enough when we were living together it was not that way. The same day we marriedmy life became hell in more ways than just that.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

Always be a first-rate version of your self
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else
- JUDY GARLAND -Be yourself. Why pretend to be something or someone you are not? I do not understand why some people feel they must do this.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

Weekend Assignment #21: Everyone had a subject in school they like better than all the rest. What was yours? And what's the most memorable thing you learned?

My favorite subject was math, to be specific, algebra. I love working with numbers. I suppose I must get it naturally. My Daddy was a bookkeeper. He taught me early on in life how to do numbers. I knew how to use an adding machine before Icould ride a bike.

My next favorite was Comtempory Literature. In that class we examined not only books but other things that were written ,for example, songs. We dissected what was written, looked for meanings when it was not clearly stated. We talked about what the words that were written meant to us, what feelings that the author may have been having when they wrote the words. It was a class that was thought provoking.

School work in itself was enjoyable to me. School on the other hand was not.

Pat woke me up at 4:30 this morning to tell me that he read what I wrote in my journal. He said," I am sorry." Made me cry. It seems that he clicked on it from one of the emails that I sent him. He has never really bothered to read it before.

Here she is ladies and gentlemen the black belt of the future, Brook in all her glory!

One of the older girls that got their red belt made a comment that she could hear Brook over the crowd everytime she yelled. I have raised a loud mouth.

Here she is with Master Lee and his wife. Mrs. Lee is also an instructor at the school. All of their children also have black belts. They are competing in the GA Showdown in October. Should be a sight to see.

I am so glad it is Friday. Why? Because that means Monday is coming. This was been one week I wished had never happened. I know I cannot change what went on but I sure wish I could! The only thing I can do is start over at this point. So today is the first day of the rest of my life. I am so tired of all the fighting and silent treatments, mine and his. I am tired of being the way I am this week. I received an e-mail this morning, at least I think I did. I am being to think it was a figment of my imagination . I have looked in all my mail folders and it is not there. Spooky. Anyway this email talked about smiling and how a smile in contagious and how it can change your day and life. So I am starting right now on changing things. Here is a smile from me to you.

This is a special day for Brook. She is taking her promotion test for TaeKwonDo. Tonight she will be attempting to get her yellow belt. She has really shown a lot of improvement in the last couple of weeks. I am proud of her. Of course being the proud Mamaw that I am I will be filming it and taking lots of pictures! I will post them tomorrow.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

I have been reading about the fiascos at the Olympics in Athens and I have come to the conclussion that the Olympics is no longer a place where I would ever want to be competing in any event, not winter or summer. Judges scoring higher because of "pressure" whether from crowd or outside sources it matters not, it is wrong. There is no uniform scoring and only a select number of people do the judging. The scores can be changed at whelm.

Another peeve of mine is the Olympics were originally supposed to be a showcase for AMATEUR ATHLETES. I think it is wrong for any professional to partake in the games. Yes, I know everyone wants to see their country win the gold but it is not fair to the true amateur to have to compete against someone that makes their living at the sport. The professionals have their own arena to do their thing in.

And one more thing I am so tired of seeing totally rude people in the stands. I will never watch the Olympics again.

No surgrery today. Dumb me knowing that I was going to have it on eyelid leaves my contact stuff at home. The doctor's office did not have any saline for me to use. Sure I could have removed it and done it anyway but one contact costs me $200. They have to be custom made for my eyes and it takes about 2 weeks to get it. No way was I going to do that.

Where has time gone? Brook is back to school and life is in a whirlwind! Yesterday she started back to school and everything returned to normal (Ithink).

Where do I start...... Walk down to school bus.... on the bus she goes. Back to the house and I hop on computer to read mail and journals. I had the most impossible time staying online. Started an entry in my journal several times and was disconnected each time so I gave up. Next thing I know I cannot reconnect sooooooooo I go outside and check my phone line, no problem on my end but the phone company's end had a big problem. Everytime you attempt to dial a number you get a busy signal. I would not have known it was their problem had I not tried the * 67 feature. I got a busy signal instead of the dial tone I am supposed to get. So I got on the cell and called the phone company and told them.

Next I start doing laundry, I only had enough soap to do 2 loads and I had maybe 5-6 to do. Well that ended that. The rest of the time is spent cooking beakfast and lunch.

Pat leaves for work and I start cutting grass.

Brook gets home from school. She has a ton of makeup work to do. She missed 4 days of school. Getting her to do something she does not want to do is like pulling teeth from a tiger! We get some of that over with and she gets to her reading homework. This is good because she likes to read. She is reading Black Beauty, not the Disney edition. This is the one that has words like whilst in it. No she does not know all the words but she knows more of them than I knew she knew. I think it is surprising her too about how much she can read. I know that someone is thinking that she is too young for that book. That is okay for you to say that. She is 6 almost 7 in case you are unsure of her age.

After that we eat we then go to TaeKwonDo. She has a belt test on Friday so we need to work on her form. She is so excited about this! I will post pictures! =)

After we get home the phone is finally working so I make some calls and answer some calls. I decide that I am too tired to do anything else and just chill playing games.

So far today I have not been disconnected once.

Today, I will be having surgery on my eyelid. It is nothing too serious. I have a small cancer on my upper lid that needs to be removed. Normally I would just leave it but it itches at times so I need to remove it. I have caused it to bleed several times. You cannot see it unless you look up close. It is office surgery.

Well I am getting off now. I think I will take a nap. My head hurts, sinuses are bothering me from cutting grass.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Brook got up today and her fever promptly went up to 103 so off to the hospital we went. The diagnosis is tonsillitis.

I am so angry. I am not an idiot, I have a college degree. I have been to nursing school (RN) and respiratory. Yet this doctor treated me like I was one of those mothers that bring their child in to the ER every weekend because they are to busy , or lazy or whatever to take them into doctor's office during the week. He spoke to me like I was a child and had little understanding of anything. He spoke down to me and refused to even entertain the idea that it may be something else. He told me that fever that long is comman and to be expected. He then tells me that she could not possibly have tick fever because she did not have a purple rash. Excuse me, but a purple rash is NOT characteristic of Lyme Disease or Spotted Tick Fever. He refused to do a blood culture. Her blood work done in doctors office meets at least 4 of the criteria for Lyme's. Yes she may just have tonsillitis but for her it has been a non-typical response. She does not normally keep a fever for that length of time. It was rarely below 101 on fever reducers. Come on now several times it reached 104.7 on fever reducers, what would it have been if she was not on them? I suppose I am a moron.

Friday, August 20, 2004

I heard some thunder and looked out my window just in time to see the rain start to fall. It was not a particular hard rain, jut a few huge drops! The rain was not the only thing I saw, Belle running to get under the carport to get out of the rain!. I had to laugh. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen this same horse stand out in the pouring down rain sound asleep.

I am back from the doctor's office. Poor thing. They had to draw blood from her twice, first time she quit bleeding and they did not get enough. Everything was low. Her strep came back negative but they are testing the culture for other stuff. Her mono test came back negative too. It is making it's rounds here right now. Her glands are swollen and her throat is red. Her temp was 99 at doctor's office, when we got home and I took it again it was 104.3. It has been an hour and it is down to 103.4. I hope it continues to go down. I do not want to take her to ER. She is to start on meds now because it will be Monday before test results are in. If her temp is not down below 102 by 8, I am taking her to ER.

I was reading my journals this morning and I read the story of Johnny. It is such a moving entry about love and optimism. The tears came to my eyes as I was reading it and they just came back as I was just thinking about it. If everyone could try to view things the way Johnny did, life would be better. I think that having a pessimistic attitude all the time is one of the great problems in the world today. It causes distrust, prevents love from happening, keeps the mediocre mediocre. What if all the great inventors had said that it could not be done? Where would we be today? What about all the explorers searching for a new land?

We need more optimism in our lives. I am as guilty of allowing pessimism to control me at times. Life gets dark and I feel that there is no future, life is so ugly. I would see no hope and feel no love. It seems all you hear about is war, death, hate, anger, abandonment.Then I see or hear something that opens my eyes and heart up again.There is so much beauty in the world if we only open our eyes to see it.

Brook is still running a fever this morning. It is only 100.7 but it has now been 3 days. Her strep culture came back negative, that is good. They want her to come in to office today if there is fever today. I know the poor thing is sick of taking motrin and tylenol. I will call them and see what they say. She looks so miserable. She is barely eating anything. She will say she is hungry and then just take a couple of bites. The best thing she has eaten was some rice cooked in chicken broth. She is drinking a lot but not using bathroom much. She is going so she is not completely dehydrated. I suppose I may have to get her some supplements today to make up for what she is not getting.

Later on today I will go by the school and put up her schoolwork. It will give her something to do while she is in this weekend. She misses her school.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Is it just me? Has anybody else's alerts quit working? I was shocked this morning when I looked in my mailbox and there were NO alerts.

I had to change my doctor's appointment this morning. Brook decided she was going to be sick. Poor baby had a fever all night long. It stayed around 102 while taking Motrin. So this morning I got up and called my doctor and changed my appointment and then called her doctor and made an appointment. When we got there we had to wait of course. She is miserable with a sore throat and the fever. They did a fast culture but it was negative. The doctor decided it would be best with her history to get a full culture since she has a history of strep throat. She did not prescribe meds as she does not want to give her any unnecessary meds. I agree with that. I would hate for her to take stuff when it is not needed. She has no congestion, sneezing or coughing and her asthma is not acting up. She is feeling better now and wants to go to school tomorrow. The doctor said to keep her out tomorrow and the school rules are they are to be without fever for 24 hours. If she is feeling well tomorrow I may take her to TaeKwonDo if she wants. That is if the fever stays away. It is 100 right now, the lowest it has been since yesterday afternoon.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Well the day has not gotten any better. Brook is asleep on the couch. She said that she did not feel well and she is right. She is running a temperature, poor baby. She was looking forward to TaeKwonDo tonight. It is a special class for the tumbling. She really likes that part of it. I hate when she is sick. Her asthma usually acts up then. We are very fortunate with her asthma, she has a mild form of it. The doctor put her on inhaled steriods but I took her off of them. Her peak flow, duration of attacks, and how many attacks did not improve on them. In my observation it was the proper thing to do. And why spend over $100 a month on meds that does not help? I have her take 2 puffs of Proventil before PE and TaeKwonDo. She does not have allergies according to the allergy tests. I think they were wrong. Every fall she has problems just as the ragweeds start blooming. I hope I do not have to take her to doc tomorrow. If she needs to go, well I will take her. I am not a take to doc at drop of hat. They know when she comes in, she is sick.

I have been out of whack all day today. I cannot seem to get anything done. I check my mail and for some reason I am reading junk mail instead of the stuff I want to. I had 300 plus pieces of mail and could not find it. It seems most of my mail went into unknown sender folder. Why are they unknown? They are in my address book! What a headache!

I know some of you are not old enough to remember, but believe it or not, the following were some comments made in the year 1957:

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20.00."

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5,000 will only buy a used one."

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

(5) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

(6) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage."

(7) "Kids today are impossible. Those ducktail hair cuts make it impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing their hair as long as the girls,"

(8) "I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying damn in "Gone With The Wind", it seems every new movie has either hell or damn in it."

(9) "I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas."

(10) "Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday that they will be making more than the President."

(11) "I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."

(12) "It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet."

(13) "It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work."

(15) "I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business."

(16) "Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to Congress."

(17) "The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on."

(18) "I guess taking a vacation is out of the question now days. It costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel."

(19) "No one can afford to be sick any more, $35.00 a day in the hospital is too rich for my blood."

Monday, August 16, 2004

Vacation is over and I am glad and sad. I have had a wonderful time this past week with my hunny. I think it has possibly been the best vacation time we have ever spent together. Somehow we made it thru it still liking each other and wishing it was longer. Yesterday we went to the Smokies. Did a little fishing, a little hiking (very little), a bit of shopping and a lot of driving! We got home at 1 am and I had to get up at 6am. Needless to say this has been a long slow day. I posted some pictures in YGP because for some reason I am having trouble posting in my FTP space.

There are lots of pictures of water and mountains. You will see some pictures of an old one room schoolhouse that also served as the local church. Inside is a real blackboard, blackboard as in board painted black. There are also desks that doubled as pews. The roof is made of wood slates. Outside is an old graveyard. Some of the headstones are only slabs of rock, no inscription. There were a couple of footbridges made from split logs. And of course pictures of my 2 darlings.

If anyone gets a chance too they really must go to the Smokie Mountains. Go into the mountains away from the towns, experience the real thing. If you like camping or riding your horse go there. There are campsites set up for horses if that is your thing.

Well I need to get busy. I have a ton of catching up to do in my reading!

Saturday, August 14, 2004

What a wonderful day I had today. We got up early and headed out for breakfast. After eating we hit up a few yard sales then decided to go for a ride. We headed down the freeway to Dalton and then off to Chatsworth. Once in Chatsworth we headed up the mountain. This was a really steep upgrade 22% grade. The ride was beautiful! Up we went into the clouds! After arriving on top we went to a place called Fort Mountain. Isn't that a spectacular view? We are in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains.

Here is the first sign of fall color in August! Could be a sign that we are due for a cold winter!

Here is someone's home! I did not knock as I really did not want to disturb their sleep. This home is in the bottom of a tree that is still alive.

This is a twisted tree that I saw. I thought it was pretty.

Here I am on the way up a trail to see a rock wall. It was a steep climb up, easy going down though!

This is the stone wall. No one knows who made this wall. One of the Cherokee legends says that moon-eyed white men made the walls. On each end of the wall is a basin that faces the setting sun and rising sun. There are pits that some say were honeymoon nests.

Here are some pinecones I saw. They are so tiny! They are only about 2-3 inches long.

Here is Papaw and Brook fishing in a small mountain lake.

After we got home we saddled up the horses and went riding. Pat doubled Brook with him. It was the longest ride Precious has had since she was hurt. She stumbled near the end of the ride as we were going down a hill. She went all the way down on her front knees twice as she tried to regain her balance. At one time she was on all 4 knees, scared me. I was afraid she had really hurt herself. She was favoring her back leg a bit. I put some Absorbine Jr on her after the ride. Pat rode some more and when he took off Precious watched them leave. As soon as they were out of sight she took off like a bandit to catch up with them! For a fat, out of shape horse, she sure can run when she wants too!