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MADJEZ on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-28719
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 13:33:35 +0000MADJEZ28719@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Can't we have duelling with swords ? There's not enough of that sort of thing around these days. These young 'hoodie' fellows with their knives and guns, what about a nice elegant rapier or perhaps a long-bow.
</p>Hunter F. Thompson on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-28707
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 11:55:10 +0000Hunter F. Thompson28707@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>My pleasure, Mr Kwestwell. As a matter of fact, -JFK's article is written around Zorro's crookedness, but interestigly the so-called reforms which Zorro is keen to impose are being pursued in Oz, the UK and the US at the same time. Cui bono, one might well ask. </p>
<p>How many crooks to cook all the books,<br />
And poison the wells and bait all the hooks?</p>
<p>The full text of the 1933 Banking Act, Glass-Steagall, is no longer available on the web.</p>
<p>Ipso: Zorro is not the only crook<br />
Facto: are they in league?
</p>o b sensible on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-28679
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 07:49:07 +0000o b sensible28679@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hunter don't you think its the Plucky Munky system that got us here in the first place
</p>rickwestwell on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-28667
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 06:48:55 +0000rickwestwell28667@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hey Hunter - thanks for the link to the French voyou article. Depressing, though - I used to love France.
</p>Hunter F. Thompson on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-28659
Sat, 14 Aug 2010 05:36:34 +0000Hunter F. Thompson28659@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The fact is that there is no need for public brawling, and when it happens it is the sign that disputes are based on insincerely held positions, baiting and taunting. Those genuinely distressed by comments they considered unfaire or out of order would correspond privately through the PM system. End of case history.
</p>sauce on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27776
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:39:05 +0000sauce27776@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Eeeh, I can remember when it was all jokes around here ...
</p>rikkor on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27770
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 12:10:15 +0000rikkor27770@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I will only duel if I can wear a lace jabot and call myself The Scarlet Rikkornel.
</p>The All New Jeni B on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27729
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 10:06:06 +0000The All New Jeni B27729@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Hey, didn't we used to have some of those joke thingies in here?
</p>Mary Evans on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27728
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 10:02:08 +0000Mary Evans27728@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Jokes....jokes... rings a bell, Babs...
</p>nealdoran on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27725
Tue, 10 Aug 2010 09:51:43 +0000nealdoran27725@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>And can I chip in a possible solution for dispute resolution -- should, let's say, person P have a beef with, say, person R which causes person R offence, person R can simply challenge person P to a duel. </p>
<p>As we live in the internet age, person P would be morally obliged to slap themselves in the face with a glove, and then the two would be required to write a full sub on a word selected at random. A challenged submitter can decline the challenge, but has to let subject of the row drop. Assuming the gauntlet is taken up, sub results then posted in Writers Room for voting to see who wins. </p>
<p>Either way, the row must never be spoken of again.</p>
<p>May not stop the bickering, but you never know we might get some more of those things that everyone seems to like on here, y'know, whatchamacallits...jokes.
</p>thisisall1word on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27614
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 22:03:03 +0000thisisall1word27614@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The chatroom operates like a private members club and therefore fagging is legal and to be encouraged amongst the newlings<br />
However, should the activity get so rigorous that said fag starts smoking then please desist or see Matron for vaseline.
</p>Mr.3374 on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27568
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 18:19:52 +0000Mr.337427568@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Surely fags aren't allowed in the chatroom because of the smoking ban?
</p>rikkor on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27564
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:58:05 +0000rikkor27564@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Sharpehunter, will you fag for me this term? Rikkor Major
</p>Mary Evans on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27561
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 17:48:24 +0000Mary Evans27561@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Oh Sharpehunter, you frightful commoner. How dare you suggest that just because i went to private school I self-vaselinised. I always had someone do it for me. Still do.
</p>MADJEZ on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27524
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:52:08 +0000MADJEZ27524@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Isn't that Toad of Conduct.</p>
<p>.....I'll get my coat
</p>sauce on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27521
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:46:20 +0000sauce27521@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Maz, I suppose you would be the best qualified to implement "successful breeding"?</p>
<p>As for fights, did I miss something while I was on holiday? Aw, bugger. Never mind, it's been a lovely week off - even though no blows were exchanged.</p>
<p>JP, you ain't seen nothing yet, sweetie. x
</p>Sharpehunter on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27511
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 15:22:51 +0000Sharpehunter27511@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>rules rules rules.. its OK for you snooty public school people who were brought up with strict disciplinarian rules and regulations like fagging and self vaselinisation before lights out and all that.</p>
<p>But for those of us brought up on the streets retaliation by vulgarity and fisticuffs is the only thing we know..
</p>jp1885 on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27436
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:06:17 +0000jp188527436@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p><blockquote>For instance the two pub outings I attended didn't end in fisticuffs did they? </blockquote><br />
You've obviously never been to the Ledbury get-togethers then - once Oxy and Sauce get the pop down 'em, look out...
</p>Scroat on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27429
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 13:01:18 +0000Scroat27429@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I think some basic good manners might be useful. People shouldn't say things on here that they wouldn't say face to face. </p>
<p>For instance the two pub outings I attended didn't end in fisticuffs did they? The reason being that most people on here are actually quite pleasant to have a beer with.
</p>rikkor on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27424
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:51:27 +0000rikkor27424@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>I'm on board if I can still write anonymous tags.
</p>PluckyMunky on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27417
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:34:33 +0000PluckyMunky27417@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Those are excellent guidelines, Mary. Thank you for drafting them. <strike>I think I speak for everyone on here in saying </strike> I think they should be adopted with immediate effect.</p>
<p>I hope that all is well in the pregnancy department.
</p>Des Custard on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27408
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:13:51 +0000Des Custard27408@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Bollocks.
</p>Mary Evans on "NB Code of Conduct"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10068#post-27406
Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:11:22 +0000Mary Evans27406@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Now it occurs to me as I see some more fisticuffs has broken out over the weekend (smacked bottoms and naughty step the lot of you) that we need be rather more British about this whole affair and impose some nanny-state regulations to keep this show on the road, what.</p>
<p>So I propose we begin our very own NB Code of Conduct to avoid the kind of foul-mouthed, unpleasant outbursts that have been so highly <strike>entertaining</strike> distressing of late. I shall start with a few thoughts, please add to and improve as you see fit:</p>
<p>1) The final decision on all publication shall rest with our one true Ed, his Jofness of JoF. Such decisions shall be accepted graciously, reverently and with absolutely no reference to wankers whatsoever.<br />
2) The permitted ratio of criticism:compliment shall be set at 1 slag-off to 5 toadies.<br />
3) Members may only have one flounce per annum, unless relevant medical certification can be provided<br />
4) Squirrel-licking, badger-fisting and puffin-twatting are only permitted during the allocated seasons, to ensure plentiful stock and a successful breeding programme.<br />
5) Any accusations of racism, sexism, classism, homophobia and elitism will be duly considered by the white, middle-class straight blokes in the in-crowd.<br />
6) Everyone is equal at NewsBiscuit. But some are more equal than others.
</p>Mary Evans on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17558
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:34:02 +0000Mary Evans17558@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Thanks Dr Simon - I think that's precisely the fate that is going to befall my character, so good to know it has some grounds in medical accuracy (although hope you didn't have to treat him, sounds revolting and smelly). </p>
<p>And Ostsee, I'm clearly missing something. Not least a Daily Mail subscription. And for the record, I'm a journalist. I've made a career out of writing useless, patronising trash pretending to be helpful. But thanks anyway.
</p>simonjmr on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17539
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:43:53 +0000simonjmr17539@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Fence spikes - once saw a student impale his leg one - trying to run away from a water bomb - not very scary, albeit the small balloon was filled with urine, in the process of running away he vaulted a wrought iron railing and in the process impale himself. Bit of a sight in casualty as he was covered in urine, flour and eggs and bleedy excessively from his leg - just like a murder had been committed in a cake factory.
</p>Ostsee on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17529
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 13:15:29 +0000Ostsee17529@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>...listen, Mrs Evans, assuming that is your real name, I get paid for writing useless, patronising trash pretending to be helpful and you don't, so just read what I have to say and do it, right. Either that or we will have the Guardian delivered to you, by mistake, so to speak.
</p>Mary Evans on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17445
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 08:09:30 +0000Mary Evans17445@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>...blindingly vitriolic homicidal rage...? No, just me...
</p>Ostsee on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17441
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 08:00:05 +0000Ostsee17441@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>Dear Mary, I know you read the Daily Mail but your troubles with your children seem to be getting you down. All parents at one time or another suffer from these feelings of inadequacy, rejection.........
</p>Mary Evans on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17437
Tue, 15 Jun 2010 07:39:06 +0000Mary Evans17437@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>These are excellent suggestions Stoopy. Although should my children wake me up at 5.45 again tomorrow, I shall not need any more help as I will have two young guinea pigs to road test these assorted injuries on.
</p>StoopyDeGunt on "Tennis fans welcome vuvuzelas at Wimbledon"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6391#post-17396
Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:57:00 +0000StoopyDeGunt17396@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>On Casualty, I'm sure they'd have a Heath Robinson type chain of events that would end up with the femoral artery being ruptured.</p>
<p>Maybe a 'businessman' (BBC shorthand for baddie) would kick a nun through a stained glass window, because he was asked to pay his TV license - which everyone agrees is perfectly reasonably prices and the money always wisely invested - and accidentally get his foot caught in the nun's habit, dragging him into the mess of broken glass he created, slashing his femoral artery in the process. </p>
<p>Or maybe his mobile phone would send birds into a frenzy, and a pigeon would fly beak first into his thigh...</p>
<p>Or what about if the evil businessman is in a lap dancing club, has too much to drink and gets on stage, and someone shoves a crisp five pound note into his trousers, giving him a horrendous paper cut.</p>
<p>Sorry, I'm not being much help...
</p>