Valentin and Nina are happy and in love and blah blah, and she should probably be more worried about the fact that her new husband carries a gun. Lulu and Dante try to talk about something other than Charlotte, which lasts about five seconds. They also try to convince themselves that Nina isn't an issue, which also lasts about five seconds, until they find out that she's now Charlotte's stepmother. Franco tells Elizabeth that the knife used to kill Tom was probably his, but he didn't commit the murder. He tells her about his dreams in the cage and how he woke up changed. He wants to come to terms with the person he's been since the tumor came out, then become a better person. Elizabeth believes him, but Franco thinks they should keep their distance from each other in case he ends up going to prison. Sam and Jason confront Alexis over Rudge's visit and what Sam quickly realizes is Alexis' hangover. Alexis tells them half truths: Rudge came looking for Julian, thinking he still lived there, and Alexis drank to celebrate the end of a horrible year. The Morgans believe her, but after they give her claims about Rudge a second thought, they realize that things don't add up. Meanwhile, Julian warns Rudge that Sam and Jason are investigating, and Rudge responds with a chilling, "We know." Julian worries that he's plotting something. Alexis goes back to the roadhouse to get away from Julian and learns that she was there December 21st, something she doesn't remember. Also, she ran into Tom, and the 21st was the last time he was seen alive, so...yeah. Carly can't resist Sonny's charms, or whatever, so they're back together, and she still has no idea that he had an "affair."

When Nina inevitably ends up heartbroken, I don't plan to have any sympathy for her.

Franco, if Elizabeth believed you were innocent before you went over there, do you think she would have avoided you for the past week?

Julian's dumber than I thought if he believes Rudge would actually tell him if he were plotting against him.

So...Alexis killed Tom, right? We're all on the same page?

I know Sonny and Nelle didn't actually do anything, but I still hope he changed his sheets.

January 4th, 2017

Alexis confesses to Diane that she saw Tom the night he was killed and doesn't remember everything that happened. She downplays her drinking, so Diane's not worried, but Alexis clearly is. Seth accuses Franco of killing Tom, just adding to Franco's expectations that he's going to be blamed for the crime. Obrecht urges him to clear his name by finding the real killer. He decides to start by going to the roadhouse, arriving just before Alexis does. Nina's worried about how Charlotte will react when she learns about her and Valentin's marriage, and what might happen if Claudette comes back. Valentin's pretty confident that that's not going to be a problem. Nina tells Maxie and Nathan about her wedding, and they react exactly how you would expect. Nathan thinks Nina just wants to be a mom, not a wife. Nina actually admits that she doesn't love Valentin, but she thinks that will change over time, and there's nothing wrong with getting married to someone you don't love. Andre hypnotizes Anna, though he doesn't want to keep going after she reacts badly to the first attempt. The second time around, she remembers her watch stopping on her birthday. Finn is cured after all, but he's still taking the medication, so it looks like we're doing two addiction storylines at the same time. Nathan can place an ad in the paper stating that he wants to divorce Claudette, and if she doesn't respond within three weeks, he can proceed without her input. Maxie thinks it's a better idea to go to Canada and track her down, so who's up for a road trip, eh? Elizabeth still isn't sure that Franco's going to change his ways.

"This is the sanest thing I've done in a really long time." I hope you tell the judge that, Nina.

I don't really want to see Madeline again, but can I be there when she finds out who Nina married?

Oh, NOW Nathan shaves.

Maybe Alexis and Finn can go to 12-step meetings together.

Heh, did Maxie Google "how to get a divorce"?

January 5th, 2017

While Alexis eavesdrops out of Franco's sight, the roadhouse bartender tells him that Tom encountered a woman at the bar the night he died, but she left before he did. Later, the bartender tells Alexis that Tom went after her, and Alexis remembers him propositioning and threatening her. Franco's starting to put things together and thinks he can prove he's innocent. Jason and Curtis volunteer at a homeless shelter so they can track down Buzz, the man who planted the bomb in Julian's car. He tells them that Rudge paid him $50 to plant what he thought was a tracking device. When he went to the pawn shop to question Rudge after the bombing, he caught Rudge talking to his boss. P.S. His boss is a woman. Sam decides to ask Julian directly about Rudge, but he just says they know each other from the pawn shop. He begs Sam to keep her distance for safety's sake. Julian takes all of Alexis' booze, trying to force her into sobriety. Ava accuses him of enabling her, but Julian doesn't want to rock the boat if it means Alexis loses her law license for good. Carly isn't quite ready to move back in with Sonny, since she can't be sure he won't break her trust again. She's totally ready for Michael and Nelle to get together, though. Nelle tells her that won't happen, since she's already involved with someone. Michael: "You need to learn how to have fun." Nelle: "I have fun all the time! Plotting against your mother is tons of fun!"

I like the roadhouse bartender (who looks really familiar). Can he stay?

Welp, if Alexis did kill Tom, it looks like she was justified. Enjoy Hell, scumbag.

The Adventures of Curtis and Jason just keep getting better. I also like the way the investigation is unfolding – it's good pacing.

Michael, if you want to ask Nelle out, just do it already. We all know it's inevitable. Pretending you just want to play chess isn't fooling anyone.

January 6th, 2017

The week in a nutshell:

Alexis started looking like the person most likely to have killed Tom.

While Julian worried that Rudge would do something dangerous, Jason and Curtis kept digging into the bombing, learning that Rudge is working for a woman.

Nina thinks everything will go great now that she and Valentin are married, even if she doesn't love him yet.

Anna recovered a memory of a watch, so...yeah.

Carly spent New Year's Eve with Sonny but still isn't sure they can go back to the way they were before.

Maxie and Nathan decided to go to Canada and find Claudette so she and Nathan can finally get divorced.

Hayden and Finn are both cured, but he's still not 100%, so he's probably addicted to his medication.

Julian challenges Alexis to prove that she's not an alcoholic by going 12 hours without a drink. She tries to leave, so he threatens to call her daughters and friends to arrange an intervention. Alexis has a series of memories about her encounter with Tom, remembering that he tried to attack her, but this time, she got the better of the guy with a knife to her throat. She breaks down and admits to Julian that she thinks she killed Tom. Franco brings Scott into his investigation, though it means admitting what he did to Tom, and exactly where he was when Tom was killed. Scott says he believes his son, but Franco has an uphill battle without an alibi. Two things are in his favor, though: There are no fingerprints on the murder weapon, and someone posted a picture online from the night of Tom's murder that shows him and Alexis chatting in the roadhouse. As Buzz tells Jason and Curtis that he heard Rudge's boss ordering him to kill Buzz, Rudge reluctantly tells his boss that he hasn't been able to complete that task. He adds that Sam and Jason are now looking into things, which makes the boss very unhappy. Buzz tells Jason and Curtis that the long-unmentioned catacombs under the city lead to Rudge's boss' secret office, so the guys head over to see if they can catch her. Laura thinks Elizabeth should give Franco another chance, which is just...so weird. Elizabeth seems to be willing to forgive his recent actions. Dillon and Kiki are on, but he doesn't want things to move too quickly.

Either someone screwed up the dialogue or Julian has convinced himself, without any evidence, that Sam and Jason are having a girl.

We're bringing back the catacombs? Okay.

"Everyone deserves a second chance." Really, Laura? Even Helena? Stavros? Does Valentin deserve a second chance?

Franco's actions were so disturbing that Elizabeth doesn't want to talk about it, but she still wants to be with him. Elizabeth, do you even listen to yourself?

January 10th, 2017

A distressed Alexis tells Julian everything she remembers from her encounter with Tom. Since she doesn't remember actually killing him, Julian points out that Franco could be the real killer. Then Franco shows up, hoping Alexis will tell the police that she didn't see him with Tom the night he was killed. She kicks him out, then worries that the picture he has of her with Tom will send the police after her. Julian encourages her to fight through the situation, though she'll need to be sober to do it. Nelle suggests that Carly go to Australia to get Josslyn, so she can let her know ahead of time that she and Sonny are back together. Carly thinks Nelle should reward herself with some time with her secret boyfriend, whom Nelle implies is married. Bobbie calls Nelle out on her actions, riling Nelle up until she throws Bobbie's past as a prostitute in her face. Bobbie's hilariously amused by the whole thing. Diane's surprised that Sonny's in such a good mood, since he's facing a murder rap. (His defense is that he said he was responsible for Morgan's death because Morgan inherited his bipolar disorder.) Sonny's mood changes as soon as Carly mentions that Nelle seems to be dating a married man. Sam goes to Ava's looking for Julian but quickly realizes that he's not living there. She lets Ava know that the investigation into Morgan's death has turned up some surprises, making Ava think she's been busted. Sam actually thinks that Ava's the mystery boss, and that she tried to get rid of Sonny and Julian at the same time. Ava laughs in her face, though she's overly defensive about having anything to do with Morgan's death. Jason and Curtis make it to the boss' office, but it's empty except for a picture of a little boy. The place catches on fire and the door's locked, so Curtis has to sacrifice one of Jason's credit cards to open it.

If Julian wants to win some points with me, he'll point out to Alexis that if she did kill Tom, she did every woman in town a favor.

LOL at Franco thinking Alexis would do anything to help him, ever.

I like Bobbie like this. Watch your back, Nelle.

If we didn't know that Sam's theory about Ava was wrong, I would buy it.

January 11th, 2017

Alexis hallucinates Tom and a bloody knife, which turns into the dagger Julian was going to use to kill her. Julian insists that he's going to help her, but his past actions make her skeptical. While Valentin, Nina, and Charlotte do some family bonding, Nathan and Maxie learn from a cop that the body of a woman who seemingly committed suicide has Claudette's prints. They buy it, but the cop was just following Valentin's orders. On the plus side, now Maxie and Nathan can get married and get a house and start having babies. Franco fills Kiki in on the Tom stuff and his potential lead on the killer. However, he doesn't want to turn Alexis in since he's already caused her family enough pain. Plus, he's committed a bunch of crimes he was never punished for, and maybe he should finally pay for them. Kiki agrees to keep quiet about what he's found out, but when she tells him that Elizabeth came by, she thinks he'll change his mind about having nothing to fight for. Sonny tells Nelle to stop talking to Carly about secret boyfriends or anything else that might make her curious. Nelle is clearly at a loss now and doesn't know how to handle him. Sam thinks the boy in the picture Jason took from the office might be Julian as a child. They take it to Sonny and tell him they're close to finding the boss, who might be a woman. Sonny thinks she could just be a smokescreen.

What was the point of those hallucinations? Dumb. Dumb!

Ugh, now I don't want Maxie and Nathan to get married, since it probably wouldn't be legal.

Nelle, you are way out of your league here. Time to go.

It's probably too much to ask, but can Rudge's boss be Faith?

January 12th, 2017

Jordan and Dante get a warrant to search Franco's studio, finding the dog cage, a painting of Tom, and a receipt for the murder weapon. Meanwhile, Franco tells Scott that, while he still won't throw Alexis to the wolves, he's not going to prison, so he might run. Elizabeth goes to the studio to see Franco, and Jordan notices her recoiling when she sees the cage. Elizabeth swears that she can't give the police any useful information, leading Jordan to accuse her of lying. As Elizabeth calls Franco to warn him that the police are closing in on him, someone knocks him out in the alley behind the roadhouse. Julian stops Alexis from turning herself in to the police, wanting her to focus on her sobriety right now. While she goes to a 12-step meeting at GH, where she finally admits to being an alcoholic, Julian has a goon bring Gene the roadhouse owner over so he can threaten him to keep quiet about Alexis ever being at the bar. Anna returns her picture to Valentin, who finally confirms that he was at the WSB training facility when she was. She presses him to tell her what happened on her birthday, but he taunts that she should be able to find out on her own, since she's a spy. Eventually he gets so mad that he spits out that the secret isn't about what he did to her, but about what she did to him. The news about Claudette's "death" makes everyone caution Lulu to be extra-careful about Valentin. Lulu just thinks it's more important than ever that she get Charlotte away from him. Lulu points out to Maxie that now she and Nathan can get married, but Maxie doesn't want to pressure him in case he's still dealing with his feelings for Claudette. Nathan, however, has other ideas. Laura is still pro-Elizabeth/Franco, and I can't take it.

Did Julian's goon (Chad? Is that his name?) knock out Franco, or is he a red herring? He was giving Franco some weird looks.

"After everything he's done for me and my boys." Like what, Elizabeth, buying you a toaster?

Well, Valentin, if the truth is so unimportant, just tell Anna what happened.

Nathan, stop being naïve.

January 13th, 2017

Nathan gets Nina and Dillon to distract Maxie while he, Dante, and Lulu arrange a surprise wedding. The chosen distraction is a wedding issue of Crimson, and Maxie doesn't realize that everything she's picking for the magazine is really for her own wedding. Unfortunately, the issue just upsets Maxie since she can't get married. When it's time to get the bride, she's gone. Franco wakes up in a warehouse with no idea of how he got there or who kidnapped him. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Kiki wonder if his failure to answer their phone calls means he's skipped town. Kiki wants to convince him to go to the police with the name of Tom's possible killer. Elizabeth puts things together and suspects that Alexis killed Tom. Alexis spills her guts at the 12-step meeting, confessing how guilty and ashamed she feels of her behavior. She agrees that she needs a sponsor so she can keep moving forward. Lulu notes Valentin's lack of sadness over news of Claudette's "death," then suggests that she be there when he tells Charlotte. She also thinks this is a good time to tell Charlotte that Claudette wasn't her mother anyway. Valentin orders her to keep quiet, giving Charlotte the news of Claudette's "death" himself. She replies that Nina could be her new mother. Dante almost lands himself a night on the couch by telling Lulu that Valentin's right about not overloading Charlotte right now. Nina thinks that if Claudette was such a liar, she might have been lying about Valentin being dangerous, so Nathan can't be sure that he had anything to do with her death. Hayden and Finn are cute together and definitely moving ahead with things, but the fact that he's hiding his addiction is just going to lead them to drama.

Dear every other guy on this show: Nathan is setting the bar REALLY high for the rest of you.

I don't get why Maxie thinks she and Nathan will never get married. It's not like he's given any indication that it won't happen. A delay isn't a cancellation.

While I appreciate that Alexis is going to AA, I wish her big scenes had been with Kevin or Andre instead of an under-five and some extras who weren't paid to talk. She barely had anything to play off of.

I don't buy Elizabeth figuring out that Alexis is Franco's suspect. It's a big leap for her to make.

"Charlotte would take Claudette's death better if she knew Claudette wasn't her real mother." Whaaaa?

Can we have Hayden and Finn on more than once a week, please?

Scorecard:Kidnapped: Franco Baldwin

Week in review:Funniest moments (intentional): Franco's upset that Scott hasn't friended him on Facebook; Gene coming out of the back room, seeing Franco, and going right back in
Funniest moment (unintentional): Anna's astrological sign is Scorpio
Saddest moment: Alexis' shame over her drinking
Sweetest/cutest moments: Nathan pretending he wants a moose head for his and Maxie's house; Nathan getting everyone to help plan the wedding
Least believable moment: Alexis was fine without a drink all day, then suddenly started hallucinating
Best instances of continuity: Franco did have a dog (briefly); Jordan knows a little about art because she worked at Ava's gallery
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Let's go with Nathan
Most annoying character: Valentin, honestly
Smartest character: Franco (I know. I KNOW)
Dumbest character: Dillon, who really should have thought that Maxie might take off
Unanswered question of the week: Who kidnapped Franco?

The week in a nutshell:

Alexis thought she killed Tom, but the police suspected Franco. Julian made a move to keep Alexis' visits to the roadhouse secret while she went to her first 12-step meeting. Franco was kidnapped, making Elizabeth and Kiki wonder if he went on the run to avoid being arrested.

Nathan and Maxie were told that Claudette is dead, but it's probably not true. Despite being excited about their future together, Maxie didn't want to press the topic of a wedding on Nathan just yet. He decided to plan a wedding to surprise her, which is just another reason he's the bestest.

Jason and Curtis learned that Julian's boss is a woman, but when they went to the pawn shop to look for clues, someone set it on fire. All they came away with was a picture of a child who might be Julian.

Valentin implied that the memory Anna can't recover has to do with something she did to him, not the other way around.

Sonny and Bobbie both called Nelle on her sketchiness, and it looks like her confidence has been shaken.

Dillon and Kiki are officially on.

Hayden and Finn are also officially on, but also have his secret addiction to deal with.

January 16th, 2017

Rudge orders Julian to kill Jason, but Julian refuses. Rudge then threatens to hurt someone in Julian's family, so Julian says he'll tell them all who the secret boss is. Sam has a baby-related false alarm, which is really just an excuse for her and Jason to go to the hospital so they can run into Julian. He thinks he's going to get a jump on Rudge, but Rudge has already followed through on his threat, going after Leo. Maxie heads to the airport to go to Portland, but a Spinelli imposter has made a timely return and makes up an excuse for why she can't go. As he gets her back to the Metro Court without telling her about Nathan's plans, Nathan and Dante try to track her down. Eventually, Maxie learns of the surprise wedding and everything's on track for it to be a success. Sonny confesses his "affair" to Griffin, who was probably feeling rusty after not getting to talk to anyone about honesty for a while. Curtis and Jordan are learning to negotiate, as she offers to look into getting him a job at the PCPD if he can get her in touch with Buzz so she can get his statement. Sonny asks Jason again about rejoining the business, but Jason wants to focus on his family. Sam overhears and tells him she'll support whatever decision he eventually makes. Michael teaches Nelle about not letting yourself remain a victim, which I'm sure will change her whole outlook and lead her to call off whatever her plan is.

Well...on the plus side, the writers remembered that Leo exists.

For someone who wants to protect his family, Julian sure has taken zero steps to actually protect them.

Not one person guessed that Maxie would want to go to Portland? Really?

Blake Berris is giving me a James Franco vibe and it's weird.

We get it, Nelle. You're poor. No one feels sorry for you.

January 17th, 2017

Nathan almost sees Maxie before the wedding, so Spinelli makes him blindfold himself before they talk. Lucy can't make it to the ceremony, and as the wedding is about to be postponed again, Robin points out that Spinelli's ordained and can do the honors. Everyone tries to pretend it's not weird for Spinelli to oversee his ex's marriage to someone else. The wedding hits another hiccup when Obrecht throws a fit over her belief that no one really wanted her there. Once she's reassured, things go fine, and Maxie and Nathan are finally married (though, if Claudette's still alive, it doesn't count). Julian's about to tell Sam and Jason about his boss when Olivia arrives and announces that Leo's been brought in. Ned explains that he went to get Leo from his sitter and found him with an open bottle of aspirin. The sitter went outside to check on a noise she heard and claimed there was no bottle in the room when she left. Julian quickly realizes what's really going on, and as soon as he knows Leo's going to be okay, he leaves to confront his boss. (No one says her name, but in the previews she mentions being Julian's sister, and Soap Opera Digest jumped the gun on revealing her identity, so just know that she's Olivia Jerome, the sister Julian supposedly killed back in 1990.) Curtis makes arrangements for Jordan to meet with Buzz, but they only have a narrow window of time for the interview, and Jordan has to be ready to go at a moment's notice. Andre protests the idea of Jordan going off somewhere with Curtis, arguing that it's not proper police protocol, as if anyone believes that's his real problem with the situation. Jordan ignores him and does her job. Anna has another memory flash of being ambushed by a man. Lulu, Valentin, Nina, issues, blah.

I changed my mind. Blake Berris is giving me a Bryan Craig vibe.

Yeah, go ahead and seat Obrecht next to Robin. There's no bad blood there or anything.

Speaking of which: How are they going to handle having two Olivias? Is everyone just going to start calling Olivia Falconeri "Liv"?

Dear Andre: Shhh.

January 19th, 2017

Nina tells Griffin about Claudette's "death," and he takes it badly, getting drunk and accusing Valentin of murder. Valentin beats him up, leading Anna to attack him and tell him what a twisted coward he is. Valentin becomes childish and starts stuttering, which restores Anna's memory: She did know him during WSB training, and he wasn't the smooth, charming guy he is now. Charlotte hears Griffin saying that Valentin killed Claudette, and she runs off, upset. Lulu follows and offers her some comfort, which is going great until she decides this is the perfect time to announce that she's Charlotte's mother. Julian's not-dead sister orders him to kill Jason, since he's getting too close to uncovering her identity. Julian notes that that's a good reason not to kill him; it'll just alert everyone else that he was on the right track. He has a different idea, involving pinning the car bomb on someone else. After he leaves, we learn that the self-appointed "queen of the Jerome family" is a little bit nuts, in that she's obsessed with Duke despite not having seen him for 30 years. She also wants revenge on Julian and Anna for ruining their chances to be together. Elizabeth tells Sam what she's guessed about Alexis and Tom, then asks her to talk to Alexis about turning herself in so Franco won't get accused of murder. Sam finds the whole thing crazy, both because Alexis isn't a murderer and because there's no way she would ever do anything to help Franco. Elizabeth points out that if Alexis did kill Tom, it's probably because he attacked her, and Sam would be able to understand what she's going through. (Sam declines to reply that she knows what that's like because of Elizabeth's boyfriend.) Ava thinks Alexis has no reason to stay sober as long as Julian keeps enabling her and her secrets are all safe.

Oh, Lulu. No. No, sweetie.

So how are we doing this: Olivia and Liv? Oldlivia and Newlivia? Julian kept calling his sister "Liv," so I'll go with that for now.

Knowing this show, Liv probably does have a long-lost child in Port Charles. P.S. She slept with Duke and we've never met Griffin's mother. Just saying.

Ava may not have run over someone while drunk, but she's done it sober.

Drink (not you, Alexis) every time someone says the wedding was Nathan's idea, because WE GET IT.

Scorecard:Back from the dead: Olivia Jerome
Back in town: Damian Spinelli, Georgie Spinelli
Hospitalized: Leo Falconeri
Married (though it might not be legal): Maxie Jones and Nathan West

Maxie and Nathan got married, and it was so sweet that it'll be that much more of a letdown when we inevitably find out it's not legal.

Julian's boss is his not-dead sister, Olivia (AKA Liv), and she and Rudge really want him to kill Jason. He refused, so they went after Leo instead. To avoid having to kill his son-in-law, Julian came up with a new plan that will pin the car bombing on someone else.

Anna remembered Valentin from her past, and she didn't seem to like him much back then either.

Lulu told Charlotte that she's her mother.

Elizabeth told Sam that something's up with Alexis and suggested that she killed Tom.

Andre disagreed with Jordan's decision to work with Curtis to get Buzz's testimony about the car bombing.

Nelle, Michael, whatever.

Sonny told Griffin about his "affair."

January 23rd, 2017

Charlotte reacts horribly to Lulu's news and runs off again, turning to Nina for comfort. Valentin and Nina don't discount Lulu's story as a lie, but they also aren't going to explain things to her just yet. Lulu gets locked in a linen closet and crawls through the ceiling to escape, falling on the cake, because this is suddenly a wacky sitcom. Anna starts to remember Valentin, who was an analyst with the WSB. Their friendship fell apart after he expressed his romantic interest in her and she rejected him. Valentin says he changed his life after that and is actually grateful for the rejection, but Anna's sure he's lying. Speaking of lying, I'm not 100 percent sure she's being honest when she says she doesn't remember what happened after that. Elizabeth learns from Brad that Franco missed work, so she gets in touch with Scott to find out if they've been in touch. Scott wants to keep news of Franco's sudden disappearance quiet, since the police will think he's guilty and went on the run. Elizabeth gets a bartender at Gene's to tell her where Tom was killed, and when she goes to the alley, she finds Franco's phone with blood on it. That plus the fact that Franco's car is in the parking lot make her think he didn't disappear voluntarily. Hayden catches Finn injecting himself, so he tells her that, while he's not sick anymore, he still needs a few more doses to fully cure himself. She buys it, but Brad is on to him. Maxie and Nathan give each other presents and really rub in how disappointing it'll be when it inevitably comes out that their marriage isn't legal.

Congratulations, Lulu – you now officially look like a crazy person.

So Valentin's mad because he got friendzoned 25 years ago? Sigh.

Let's just hope Valentin and Liv don't team up, or Anna's in a lot of trouble.

"If you two are together, why are you lying to her?" asks the man who spent months lying to his boyfriend and even proposed without mentioning that he was already married.

January 24th, 2017

Sam catches Julian at Alexis' house, so Alexis tells her everything she's been keeping secret. Sam is supportive of Alexis' desire to get help, but she's mad about the lies. Meanwhile, Julian summons Jason with the promise of giving him helpful information, but he only reveals that he's been staying with Alexis. After he leaves, Jason drinks some coffee he left behind, then immediately feels sick and passes out. Kiki tells Elizabeth that the police came by with a warrant for Franco's arrest. Elizabeth gets her to agree not to say anything to them while she follows up with a lead on the woman who might have killed Tom. Sam follows up on her own, announcing that they need to find Franco ASAP after Alexis confides that he seems to have something on her regarding the murder. Alexis has her own ideas about his disappearance, wondering if Julian's responsible. Carly and Josslyn return from Australia, but Josslyn still refuses to live at Sonny's. Carly's disappointed that that means she can't move home either, but she's still not sure about her and Sonny's future anyway, since he hasn't denounced the mob yet. Michael and Nelle convince Josslyn to give Sonny another chance, which just means Nelle gets to pretend to be heroic again. In Baltimore, working together again makes Jordan and Curtis remember the good times they had when they were partners. Then there's flirting and some kissing, and Andre's probably going to get his heart broken pretty soon.

I thought Julian was going to leave Jason alone?

I was so sure Seth was behind Franco's kidnapping that I didn't even think about Julian being involved (even though his goon was being suspicious right before Franco disappeared).

Kiki to Jason: "Are you here to help us with Franco?" Me: "Are you high?"

I will only support a Jordan/Curtis pairing if it makes her awesome again.

January 25th, 2017

Tracy gets Jason to the hospital, where Monica can't determine what's wrong with him but is sure it isn't fatal. Julian visits his son-in-law, who's already figured out that he was drugged. Julian confirms this but says he did it as a warning. Instead of getting rid of Jason, he wants to work with him to turn the tables on Liv and Rudge. Jason turns him down, since he can't trust Julian, but Julian thinks he'll change his mind when he realizes how much danger his family is in. Elizabeth snarks at Sam for a little while, and honestly, if I were Sam, I would have walked out, but okay. Sam promises to stay neutral as they look for Franco, as long as Elizabeth can accept whatever they turn up about Tom's murder. As Franco looks for a tool to free himself among the boxes of trophies and lamps in his storage room/prison, Dillon helps Kiki dry out his phone so they can see what he was up to before his disappearance. They accidentally find a note Franco wrote asking for help but don't actually read it. Jordan and Curtis make it to about second base before she shuts things down. She reminds him that she's with Andre, so nothing can happen between them, but Curtis doesn't think it'll last. Julian denies doing anything to Franco, but Alexis isn't sure she can believe him. Diane brings Alexis a bottle of wine so they can celebrate after her reinstatement hearing, and Alexis has a hard time fighting temptation.

First Sam and Elizabeth team up; now Julian wants to work with Jason. We may be in Bizarro World, people.

If Julian were really smart (jury's out on that), he would convince Jason to fake his death and make Liv and Rudge think Julian obeyed their orders.

Elizabeth, when someone who hates your boyfriend wants to help you find him, shut up and let her help (emphasis on "shut up").

I guess Franco hasn't noticed that big vent in the wall and considered pulling a Lulu and crawling through it.

January 26th, 2017

Elizabeth wants to go to the police and give them Alexis as a suspect so they won't think Franco ran off, and they'll treat his disappearance as a kidnapping. She presents Dante and Nathan with her theory while Sam warns Alexis. She wonders if Julian did something to Franco, but Alexis is sure he was telling the truth when he denied it. She's sober when Dante arrives to question her, having stopped herself from drinking when she saw a picture of her daughters and remembered why she wants to stay sober. As Elizabeth worries that Julian has already finished Franco off, Sam finds his note. Carly and Sonny make themselves open Morgan's mail, and his credit card statements let them know that he was gambling again just before his death. On top of that hit, Carly then sees Kiki and Dillon kissing at the Metro Court and chastises them for being inappropriate. Dillon confronts her, but Kiki's willing to let Carly be mad at her if it helps her. Carly realizes that Morgan would want Kiki to be happy, so she needs to be okay with Kiki moving on. Carly sends Nelle to Sonny's to deal with the rest of Morgan's mail, which makes Sonny uncomfortable. Nelle gives him attitude, which Sonny can tell is from anger, and he warns her not to let it destroy her. Kevin thinks Lulu could benefit from therapy (dude, seriously), though he recommends family therapy with Valentin. Lulu's not on board. Michael confides in Carly that he's starting to develop feelings for Nelle, and is surprised to hear that she supposedly has a married boyfriend.

I hope when Franco comes back, he yells at Elizabeth for going against his wishes re: Alexis. Ugh, she's so infuriating. She could have at least talked to Alexis before she went to the police.

Carly to Kiki: "I know he would want you to be happy." Morgan, somewhere: "But not with that guy!"

Can we go back to the secret about Morgan's medication? I really need Ava to get busted for something already.

We get it, Michael's a great guy. Back off before he rescues a burning building full of puppies or something.

January 27th, 2017

After determining Franco's likely location from Kiki, Sam is able to find him. Elizabeth tries to get Seth to work with her, as if Seth would want to help Franco, or change his mind about Franco being Tom's killer. Seth mentions the dog cage, making Elizabeth wonder how he knew about it. Seth says he talked to Tom after he escaped Franco, but Tom didn't say anything about putting Franco in the cage. He's altogether unhelpful, but his basketball trophies and all the trophies in the storage facility mean he's probably behind Franco's kidnapping. Alexis won't answer Dante's questions, but the guilt over possibly being a killer eats at her so much that she can't even be happy that her hearing will be presided over someone who will most likely be on her side. Finn goes to Griffin for drugs, and though Griffin isn't suspicious, Brad is. He promises to keep Finn's addiction confidential as long as Finn gives him credit and money for helping develop the cure. Amy's desperate to be Hayden's friend and is generally her annoying self. Hayden confides that she and Finn are dating but want to keep it secret. Amy says she'll stay quiet, then turns around and tells Griffin.

After the whole Jake Doe thing, ratting out Alexis, and Franco's rescue, Elizabeth owes Sam at least three HUGE favors.

Oh, yeah, Brad's totally changed.

Hayden, you can't go out on public dates with Finn and then pretend you're just friends. Also, there's no point in trying to be professional in a hospital where doctors have been known to have sex in utility closets.

Amy, GO AWAY.

Week in review:Funniest moment (intentional): Michael: "Would you still be my friend if I'm an unemployed Millennial who has to move in with his parents?" Nelle: "Well, right now you're just a bada%$ who lives with his grandma, so..."
Funniest moment (unintentional): Griffin's "what just happened and what did I do to deserve it?" face after talking to Amy
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Nathan and Maxie are still adorable together
Least believable moment: Dillon's storage space is right across from where Franco is being held
Best instances of continuity: Handcuffs; Julian used the same drug on Jason that he used to make himself sick
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Sam
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Jason, for figuring out that Julian drugged him, though drinking the coffee in the first place wasn't exactly a smart move
Dumbest character: Seth

The week in a nutshell:

As crazy as it sounds, Elizabeth and Sam teamed up to figure out what happened to Franco (with some help from Kiki and Dillon). Elizabeth suspected that Alexis killed Tom and went to the police with her theory, against Sam's (and Franco's) wishes. Sam found a note Franco wrote from the storage facility where he's being held, giving her the power to rescue him or let him stay in captivity. (She chose the former because she's not an awful person.) Elizabeth tried to work with Seth as well, but probably won't get much out of him since it looks like he's the person who kidnapped Franco.

Alexis told Sam all the secrets she's been keeping about her drinking, Julian, and possibly killing Tom. When Dante tried to question her about Tom's murder, she kept mum, but later felt too guilty to go through with her reinstatement hearing.

Julian drugged Jason to warn him that he and his family could be in danger. He wants to work together to fight back against Liv and Rudge, but Jason's not interested in working with someone he can't trust.

Finn gave Hayden an excuse for why he's still taking the medication, then went to Griffin for more. Brad caught him and blackmailed him for compensation and credit for helping with the cure.

Carly reacted badly to Kiki and Dillon's new relationship, then calmed down when Kiki didn't try to challenge her feelings.

Anna remembers being friendly with Valentin when he was a WSB analyst, but apparently lost track of him after she rejected him romantically.

Jordan almost joined the Slept With Siblings Club.

Nelle convinced Josslyn to stop hating Sonny so much, then gave him attitude after Carly assigned her a task involving Morgan's mail, so he's still not in her fan club.

Charlotte hates Lulu now. Kevin thinks Lulu and Valentin should go to family therapy, which went over as well as you'd expect with Lulu.

January 30th, 2017

Elizabeth and Seth continue to disagree about whether Franco killed Tom, as if either was going to change the other's mind. Elizabeth finds a book under the couch containing photos of her, Alexis, Kiki, and possibly other women Tom was stalking. She realizes that Franco was right about him still posing a threat, which means his death was justified, I guess? Elizabeth wants to take the photos to the police, but Seth stops her. At the same time, Franco remembers seeing the basketball trophies at the Bakers' house. Over Diane's objections, Alexis tells Dante that she killed Tom. Diane makes a case for self-defense, but it turns out not to matter. When Dante shows Alexis a picture of Tom's body, she remembers that he begged for his life and she let him (and the knife) go. Dante believes her, so she's off the hook. Sam asks Franco if he's changed his mind about keeping silent about Alexis possibly killing Tom. He tells her that not only is he going to stick with his decision, but he also wants to make up for what he did to Sam. Anna tells Griffin that she still can't remember everything that happened with Valentin. Nina and Valentin discuss the best way to tell Charlotte about Lulu, but can't really figure it out. Valentin opens up a little about his childhood, but he's still keeping secrets, as Nina learns when Anna starts a conversation with him about their time in the WSB. She asks him to be direct the next time he wants to bring up their past, then says something to him in Latin. Griffin accidentally tells Sam that Jason is in the hospital.

Clearly Seth kidnapped Franco, but did he also kill Tom? I think they're leaning that way, but it doesn't make sense.

So Elizabeth didn't believe Franco when he said Tom was still dangerous? How does the photo book prove anything?

Someone please tell Nina that her husband beat up a priest.

Griffin, no! You have two jobs that both involve confidentiality! You should be doubly good at it!

January 31st, 2017

Seth confesses to Elizabeth that he saw Tom attack Alexis and killed him when he realized Tom wasn't reformed after all. Franco ducks out of the hospital and gets to the house to rescue Elizabeth, who doesn't really need rescuing. Franco pounds on Seth a little, but he hates himself for the person he's become and doesn't put up a fight. Also, he gets arrested, so yay, that plotline is over! Valentin tells Nina about his horrible childhood and time in the WSB, which just makes her feel more and more like he's a victim everyone keeps ganging up on. Lulu and Laura ask Anna if she's dug up anything on Valentin that they can use in the custody hearing. She tells them nothing she's found out will help them and encourages Lulu to go for shared custody. Laura agrees with this, pointing out that they can have more time to build a case against him. Laura notes that Anna thought of Valentin somewhat fondly years ago, and warns her not to let that color her feelings about him now. Jason wants to send Sam and Danny to a safehouse while he figures out who Julian's boss is, but Sam shuts down that idea. Together, they come up with a plan to get the upper hand; it somehow involves Sonny and knowing when Julian has a physical-therapy appointment (thanks for turning a blind eye, Felix!). Julian doesn't like that Alexis confessed to Tom's murder, but she really doesn't care about his opinions anymore. She admits that she's worried about what happens after her hearing, and he offers to continue to help her through her sobriety. Ultimately, Alexis decides to skip the hearing altogether and tell the committee she's not ready to practice law again. Sonny tries to get info about the Jeromes' enemies out of Ava, who doesn't know anything.

Sigh. Nathan, you had one job.

It's possible that I could care less about Valentin's pathetic childhood, but I doubt it.

Jason really got off easy. If I were Sam, there would have been some yelling.

Looks like Griffin's failure to keep things confidential is contagious. Maybe Finn can find a cure.