External links.

Translation

Karaoke.

OP. Like I said before, it’s supposed to be “waraiaou” not “omoiaou.” At this stage in the game there is simply no excuse for that mistake, so I’m taking off points here.

ED. Nothing to complain about. Also liked the way they interpreted the lyrics.

Main Script.

Using “sporty” in place of “the athletic type” sounds like too much of a Briticism. To my eyes, it looks like he’s talking about her personality rather than her actual physical abilities.

She’s actually saying “Ahh…” as in “Say ahh…”

Tamaki didn’t actually mention anything about them fighting, she just said “Did something happen between them.” I would think of another line which would make Tamaki sound more oblivious of the situation, but this is an acceptable adaptation. Also, too, it’s supposed to be “He and Onee-chan.” You don’t say “Did him have a fight?” you college-ass, tie-wearing motherfuckers.

“You no longer have the right to number yourself among the dark brethren.”

Kirino says “baka” three times, and not once did Evetaku use the word “stupid” or the like. Now that’s being inventive :3

I was thinking “A Merry Manmeat Christmas,” but I guess it can’t be helped.

<High-pitched voice> Looove it!

He said omae, singular. That means he’s only speaking to Kuroneko Yamineko.

I don’t know, the way they phrased it which opens up the possibility of another wincest pairing warms my cockles.

A perfectly acceptable use of “can’t help it” for shouganai.

Other Observations

They went for a two centisecond blink in the timing when trying to separate the two instances where she says “Gross!” I would have just had the first line say “Gross…”, link the two lines and called it a day.

Final Grade: A-

A few mistakes aside, this is a very good script; you aren’t dealing with amateur dialogue writers here. This is easily recommended if you don’t like Horriblesubs’ lack of kara and typesets or if you have something against Commie’s localizations.

Good, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Too many editors want characters to speak perfect fucking English, ignoring the fact that people, say, mix tenses or don’t use adverbs correctly all the time in normal conversations.

Now, I’m mostly with you guys on this, but let’s not take this down the road to Detroit-tier English. Any intentional English mistakes must have value by their inclusion. “Sometimes people make mistakes” is not a valid reason to ignore English abuses.

Yeah, I actually hesitated before changing this line because I wasn’t sure if the incorrect English would be a bigger distraction than having her speak properly. Ultimately, I decided that the “he and Onee-chan” construction would be too grammatically advanced for Tamaki and wouldn’t fit her cutesy image. There was probably a better way to handle it, but that’s what I went with.

Like with pretty much any other aspect of translation/editing, it’s about striking a balance. How distracting is the incorrect English? How much flavor/characterization does it add? If the net result is diminished immersion for the viewer, you’re doing it wrong.

I’ve actually re-TL’d the OP, but we haven’t had time to revamp the whole thing yet. Will be fixed for the batch. Apologies.

>Using “sporty” in place of “the athletic type” sounds like too much of a Briticism. To my eyes, it looks like he’s talking about her personality rather than her actual physical abilities.
We actually wanted to make all the characters British.

>I was thinking “A Merry Manmeat Christmas,” but I guess it can’t be helped.
I wanted to TL it a different way, too, but someone showed me a close-up of the poster and that was the canonical English title. orz