Sit Back And Have A Beer

The winter break meant no matches for 10 weeks, and a transfer window was about to open. Boris did was unusual in Serbia; he arranged some friendly matches prior to kicking off again. No one else bothered. A rumour was circulating that Veternik’s keeper, Jovanovic, might be headed to Vojvodina. The training ground was empty, Vasa spent his days wandering the streets with bags of sweets, and Angel told me she had shaved her snatch. I spent my days drinking cheap beer with Boris’ son Zojan and talking football, and I spent my nights banging seven bells out of Muntpig. She started to walk bandy, and could pass a pint pot through her anus, but she seemed to enjoy it all. The weather deteriorated, the printing press started to rust, and Novi Sad settled beneath a patina of misery.

Cretin turned up, found out no one was training, and went away again. I wasn’t sure he was a good signing, but what did I know? I only sold the programmes. Mallorca renewed their interest in Horvat, and Balkan Bukovica took Reserve defender Milosovic for £1,000. Red Star Belgrade sacked manager Slavoljub Muslin. I mentioned to Muntpig I hoped Boris would get offered the job. She laughed so hard she nearly bit my cock off.

Christmas came and went, Boris didn’t get a call from Red Star, the majority of the Under 18s team was offered out for free, and no one wanted them, and my knob was getting sore. I spent a day at home looking at the results Novi Sad had achieved, It really wasn’t too bad!

The team had simply had too many draws to have put a dent in the aspirations of the other title challengers. With 12 games remaining, they had to find the killer instinct. The Novi Sad board upped their estimates of Boris, and said they were delighted with him. Boggy the Elder won the Serbia Second Division North goal of the month competition for his 40 yard lob against Bezanija. First division Obilic made a bid for Horvat, but wanted to pay in instalments. They were shown the door. Schalke 04 offered £75,000, but withdrew after £180,000 was put forward as an estimation of value. Boris was doing it again. Scout Vladan Tomi returned from Slovenia having found out nothing. The next day he was out of a job.

NB. As I said before, this is not my own work. It is Vic Flange’s. The original work can be found on TheDugout, right here. TheDugout is dying, so I’m rescuing the story and giving it the attention it deserves.