A Saudi Arabian cleric has warned his fellow countrymen against lifting the country's ban on allowing women to drive, asserting that letting ladies take the wheel will lead to a complete extinction of virgins within 10 years. Because everyone knows that ladies will only use their newfound freedom to cars to drive directly to a dick.

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Bikya Masr reports that clerics from the Majlis al-Ifta al-Aala council, the highest religious council in the Kingdom of Saud, have rejected the idea of women driving on the grounds that it will endanger the morality of the entire country. A statement issued by the council states that lady drivers would lead to an upsurge in prostitution, pornography, homosexuality, and divorce in addition to the imminent decline in collective hymen integrity. In other words, all ladyroads in Saudi Arabia lead to genitals, or pictures of genitals. That's just the way it is.

The council was responding to a recent push from some Saudi activists to lift the ban, which opponents say endangers women who may need to drive themselves or an ailing family member to the hospital, or themselves to a job. The push to allow women to drive was emboldened by a widely ridiculed fatwa issued in 2010 that suggested women feed their breast milk to adult men who are not family members in order to promote bonding.

Saudi women are already required to wear long, loose fitting garments and cover their hair. Due to an unfortunate husband hand stabbing incident last month, they may soon have to cover their eyes, lest they tempt the men with their eyefucking.

Women in Saudi Arabia are required by law to cover their hair and wear long, loose black dresses in …
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Continuing to uphold the ban on women driving is based on well-founded logic, considering that in places where women are allowed to drive— every single other country in the world, for example— there are no virgins. Even the babies are whores.