The Crap We Missed – Friday 11.16.12

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed that could actually serve as a helpful Hollywood-How-To Guide, which is in no way a mildly clever conceit to couch these wild assumptions about what’s really going on in these photos:

1. How to get Jared Leto to agree to a role for no salary.
2. How to effectively utilize Kaley Cuoco to secure a Jon Hamm cameo for The Big Bang Theory.
3. How to reboot the front row experience of a Gallagher show, except instead of showering them with fruit chunks, you murder them.
4. How to bring down a passenger jet with nothing but a case of rum and butt sex.
5. How to make a game show out of revealing the number of revenge blow jobs Robert Pattinson got from Taylor Lautner. Yesterday.

How to make you all think Rita Rusic is your Final Five, then toss you a curveball that will still bang you if you hit its face until it bleeds — I AM MAKE INTERNETS GO!!