OK, where are those jelly beans?

April 29, 2007

Idle thoughts while searching for the left-over Easter candy my wife has stashed away in her various hiding places? -Does anybody else drive over the Leeper Park bridge with its new old-fashioned lampposts and figure you ought to be in a horse and carriage? -OK, I have my mean, old cat and my daughter's dog in the same house for another five weeks -- is there anyway to keep them from doing their constant mongoose and cobra imitations? Would you believe that half the standoffs seem to be about the particles of food that drop off my granddaughters' plates. And since when did the Mad Kitster show any interest in Cheerios? -Have you found my Sunday column OK here on A2? Because I'm now just a flip of the page away from the major news of the day, do you think I should start writing on a little loftier subjects? -Did you see where Wal-Mart is selling "Pirates of the Caribbean" gear. What do you think my wife would say if I came home one evening as Capt. Jack Black? And I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but can you believe the only CD I've bought in the last year or so was the soundtrack from that movie? -The NBA playoffs have already started? That means a lot of us will tune in for the real excitement in about six weeks from now, right? -Did you see that more than 51,000 people went to the Blue-Gold game last week? Oh, you were all there? And will the stability of the football world get set on its ear if freshman phenom Jimmy Clausen gets beat out for the quarterback job? -When you get one of those personalized license plates -- like HIZZONER or EARDOC -- you probably ought to make sure you drive reasonably safe, right? -You probably know that "24" is my favorite TV show, but do any other viewers feel that maybe they should have stopped at "19" this season? -By now, all Chicago Cub fans know that rookie outfielder Felix Pie's last name is pronounced Pee-A, right? Yet wouldn't it sound a lot neater and sweeter if it was pronounced like a pie? And who said that it would be only fitting if this Pie batted .314? You math majors at least get that little attempt at humor, don't you? -Isn't it a little laughable how many businesses now use the animal kingdom -- geckos, ducks, monkeys, squirrels, crows -- to sell their products on TV? But how can you not like the Slowskys -- the slow and silly turtles -- in the Comcast commercials? -How come my wife doesn't understand that men's underwear is still good to go until the waistband finally breaks? -During an average person's first year of retirement, do you think they spend three or closer to five hours a day on the computer sending out terrible jokes and worthless chain letters to their (former) friends? -When your spouse and you are sitting at a window table at The Vine and she leans down to grab her purse only to fall off the bar stool, is your first reaction to help her up or to quickly see who is watching? (I didn't use any names, honey.) -Don't you love it when somebody barely beats you to the shortest grocery check-out lane only for you to clear the cash register at another lane before he or she does? And do you ever throw a little smile over your shoulder to that person who is still waiting? Bill Moor's column appears on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Contact him at bmoor@sbtinfo.com, or write him at the South Bend Tribune, 225 W. Colfax Ave., South Bend, IN 46626; (574) 235-6072.Bill MoorBill Moor is a Tribune columnist.