A Literary Limerick (And Haiku!) – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Well, we’ve come to the end of our journey. The final haiku/limerick combination for Star Wars.
Thanks to Kayjai for thumping me on twitter and finally getting me to write the damn thing. (Plus, now I can rag her until she finishes the Kevin story. Seriously, it’s been a while since the last installment.)
And a special thanks to Mike Calahan for reminding me that this could only end with Ewoks.
(For those interested, it started here, and continued here.)

But now, we return to a time long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

And because this is the third movie of the trilogy (Trilogy. Those horrible bits called Episodes 1, 2, and 3 are dead to me), we’re giving you three, yes three limericks to send this one off!
So without further ado, here we go.
And may the force be with you!

Star Wars
Return Of The Jedi

Beware, It’s a trap!

That Luke finds good in Vader

Leia is not Han’s sister.

It ends with a big funeral pyre,
bathrobes as mystical attireGood defeated bad
By all, a great time was had.
Oh George, couldn’t you then just retire?

Turns out Vader wasn’t such a big meanie.
Son Luke used the force like a genieThe plan from Akbars squid-head
left the Death Star for dead,
And we saw Leia, in a gold plated bikini

Vader stopped lightning, with his deft agile blocks.
The new Death Star – reduced to burnt rocksThe force was at rest.
This tale could’ve been the best,
but alas, it was riddled with Ewoks

Ah Ha!! Success…Yay you! And I was kinda hoping you didn’t notice my Kevin story has stalled. Dammit…I guess I’ll get to writing, then. Right now I’m delving deep into the bowels of attempting to understand American Politics…so far, I’m confused…

In my (minimal) study of Haiku, the lines are measure in “Oh”, which are not the same as a syllables.
Due to that, and the fact that I rarely let rules get in the way of the joke, my conscience is clear.

This is excellent work. You even managed to squeeze in the gold plated bikini. (No! Of course I don’t mean YOU, Guapo, put on that bikini — although now that I think about it, I might like to see that? LOL!)

I would like to suggest that you now do this with Gone With The Wind…that classic tale….I would love to see what you could do with, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”…..Oh and also…” I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies”…….

Yeah, I thought they were cool as hell as a kid, but I can do without them now. I agree with you on Parts I, II & III–it’s better to pretend those abortions never happened. I have mixed feelings, because I believe that a creator (i.e., Mr. Lucas) should have control over his own intellectual property, and do with it as he likes. HOWEVER, when you create something that resonates with a broad segment of the population so intensely, I think you have a responsibility not to eff it up.