Providing sanctuary for the misplaced, the forgotten and the misbegotten since 2006

Sunday, January 10, 2010

SMILEs all 'round! Defense Program Update

Good news! If only the Director was here to witness the great leap forward that our defense program, something that I have long championed in the face of some determined conservative resistance, has made.*1 I've sent a telegram to her last known location (Bora-Bora, as it happens), but frankly I have little hope that she will receive it. In the event, the obvious next step was to broadcast a general media release.Please feel free to distribute the information below as widely as possible.

MEDIA RELEASE
Museum of Dust is proud to announce that its SMILE*2 Program has recently showed significant progress.

MoD's crack team of Slimes has cracked the mobility issue and produced a prototype slime-controlled all-terrain vehicle.

Although the six-legged machine (aka 'robot') can, at this stage, only be controlled by team scaredy-mould Physarum polycephalum, the next stage of development will see modifications that will make the machine driveable by any slime.

The deployment of, ultimately, millions of the vehicles will ensure Museum of Dust's border security for now and the foreseeable future.

As some territorially offensive would-be empires*3 have found to their cost, we have crack troops of some of the fastest moving and most voracious slime moulds know to humankind. This innovation will make them not only faster but also capable of carrying a modern payload.

Of course, WE only ever intend to use them for peaceful purposes, but their sheer technological sophistication and their capability to wreck catastrophic damage should give the most confident invader pause for thought.

To the peoples of your mighty Museum, I would make an appeal on behalf of your friends across the Rock Bridge, that is, those in the Republic of Tinselman who have - like you - suffered under the oppressive Regime of Inky: Greetings!

We across the Bridge understand all to well your fear at the grotesque sight of Slimebots amassing on your border - an omen of impending attack and counter attack which benefits - who, exactly? It is surely those heroes in error, Octobrain Inky and his military complex, and the Fox Media controlled by President Rupey in our beleaguered Republic.

So we beseech that you fear not the Intelligent Slimes, and become followers of Khan Miller the Wise and Just!

For He has fed those slime robots the Enriched Farina, and supplied protective masks to your children.

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