If you asked me what the word loner meant when I was at school, I would have told you that it was someone with no friends, who was maybe a bit weird and who lacked social skills.

As a grownup, I feel like the word loner takes on a whole new meaning.

I think I can be a loner sometimes.

I mean it in the most positive way. I have learned to love and appreciate my own company over the years, and I’ve realized that I shouldn’t be afraid to put myself my first. Being a loner is not about being anti-social or not enjoying being in other people’s company. For me, it’s about knowing when to be a little bit selfish so that I can nurture my own inner happiness.

Do you sometimes feel like you create a busy social life for yourself because you don’t want to miss out on events, don’t want to be seen as boring, and don’t want people to not bother with you anymore?

It’s totally understandable to feel that way, to feel like society defines who you are in that sense. But the truth is, by being a little more of a loner, you can discover who you really are and dedicate more time to what you really love to do.

Here’s why being a loner has so many benefits.

You can spend more time doing the things you love.

Who doesn’t want to do more of what they love? It could be that you’ve been wanting to start a new hobby or get back into the sport you used to play; or perhaps you’ve been meaning to get lost in that book you bought ages ago or spend more time in the kitchen baking cakes like you used to. There are so many things you probably wish you could do if you ‘had more time,’ but really it’s just about creating more space in your life.

You will realize who your true friends are.

If you have friends who poke fun at you when you don’t turn up to a party or because you didn’t meet them for drinks after work because you were genuinely too tired, they’re probably not friends worth having anyway. The friends who appreciate what you are doing and support that you are working on yourself will make themselves known, and if that’s just a few of them then maybe that’s all you need.

You are more likely to discover your dreams and ambitions.

If you feel like you haven’t found your passion in life because you’re always so caught up with ‘life itself,’ then it might be time to step back and let your dreams manifest into something beautiful. Everyone has dreams and everyone deserves to live their dreams, so don’t let yourself be held back by anyone or anything.

You can be yourself, and no one but yourself.

Do you ever feel like you are only truly yourself when you are alone? Even though we think we are ourselves with our family and partners, I think it’s fair to say that we are the only people that know ourselves and the only people that ever will. As stupid as that may sound, it’s true. I’m sure you all know deep down that you don’t spend enough time working on ‘you,’ but if you do, you are more likely to thrive and become the person you really want to be.

You can save money.

It might sound a bit daft, but if you spend a lot of money on socializing in order to ensure you stay popular or to keep busy, then you probably underestimate how much money you could save if you started to say no to those social events that you no longer enjoy. In a way, it’s not a case of saving; it’s more a case of spending your money more wisely and on things that make you happy, rather than spending money on making others happy.

As Albert Einstein once said:

“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.”

Living with a chronic illness like Hidradenitis Suppurativa alone can be bad for your mental health. You owe it to yourself to find a significant other who wants to be there for you through good times and bad.