Day 89 of 365

I was in a relationship with a man who was verbally and physically abusive the first time it happened was about a month in I had bailed him out of jail and we were at his aunts for court he started acting strangely and we began to fight I pushed him he then threw me down on the ground and started kicking me he then went to pull my hair and tell me to get my clothes out of the washer he was very sorry after he cried I thought since I had also been physically abusive it was my fault it was only fair this was the beginning to a long year the abuse got worse he would choke punch slap throw things at me. He ripped my bra off and cut my under wear off me attempted to stick his finger in my butt.

He would tie my wrists and ankles head butt me spit in my face. For a while I didn’t know I was being abused then he was very verbally abusive always calling me gross and bringing up my past relationships and number he didn't work he was always saying he would help with bills he never did I did it alone but somehow I was the one who had it easy I had no family support so I fed in to his lies I finally found a job at a daycare where I bonded with the owner he tried getting me fired but she supported me.

I soon found out he was online on pof and craigslist looking for woman I had had enough after he broke my ignition because I wanted him to join me at church, my dad let me borrow his car and when I got home we started fighting he took my phone and wouldn’t let me leave I was able to escape and I ran next door he was arrested for the second time at this point.

For a long time I didn’t know what he was doing was wrong. I truly thought I deserved it I am so thankful I never got pregnant. I am forever changed by this experience because of this I struggle more with myself each day I try to block it out to talk about him ripping my clothes off strikes a nerve there was a time when he ripped my pants off and kept smacking my butt and a time he would go on to squeeze my leg as hard as he could it was bruised with his finger prints for weeks.

I found support from my neighbors and boss. I only hope to share my story so other woman don’t hide and allow this we don’t have to be silent. His father and sister condoned what he did and basically told me to be quiet his dad physically abused his mom for years.