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Achy Breaky Heart

If the saying goes, “Burn me once, shame on thee, burn me again, shame on me,” who gets the shame the third time? And the fourth? And the fifth?

This is a popular dilemma that I see my friends faced with time and time again. And to tell you the truth, I’m beginning to get a little sick of it. Not that I don’t have any more sympathy for them, and not that I won’t be there when they fall on their face (again), it’s just getting a bit redundant.

There are the friends that don’t sleep, don’t study, and get drunk all the time. Yes, folks, you know who you are. Yes, they will sleep through classes, exams, appointments, et cetera, and then they ask me for notes or to cheat, and what am I supposed to say to them? Besides the fact that plagiarism and cheating are wrong and can get the both of us expelled, is it right for them to take advantage of me and the fact that I work hard to earn the grades that I do? I feel bad for them when they receive less than passing grades and such on major exams and projects, because I understand that bad grades suck and ruin your day, but for crying out loud. PUT THE BEER DOWN AND OPEN A BOOK!

And then there are the ones that are constantly being stepped on. The walking door mats. Yes, they are the most wonderful people in the world, and yes, they are everybody’s best friend, however even they have limits. Those people who are always making sacrifices for everyone else, the ones that you lean on…and lean on…and lean on…so much that they are practically falling over. The only thing keeping them up is the multitude of people leaning on them from the other side. All I want to tell them, every time they tell me that they’re overwhelmed with everything that’s going on, and everyone else’s problems, and the fact that they are always overlooked and that they never get their way, I just want to tell them to put their foot down and to just say NO. Being passive isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but being invisible is. Just START BEING ASSERTIVE! ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT IS OK!!!

My heart truly goes out to those guys, the really really nice ones. You know, the smart, sexy, funny, genuinely nice guys who never seem to get the girl. To you, gentlemen, I am most infinitely and deeply sorry. You are the cream of the crop, but it always seems that you get dicked over by girls for the assholes, who inevitably break their hearts, and then they come crying back to you. It really does suck for you, and you guys deserve the girl more than anyone. You will get your day, and you’re the ones that will be with the supermodels and rich CEO’s, but until then, don’t be so picky, don’t set your sights too high, and for God’s sake. Don’t think that she doesn’t like you because of some internal flaw. She’s just an idiot.

And finally, we’ve reached my favorite one. The people who are burned, over and over again, by someone who supposedly “loves” them. Usually it’s a significant other, but sometimes it’s a family member or a friend. In most cases, it’s the girlfriend’s fault. I can think of several cases off the top of my head. No matter what the poor guy does, the girlfriend is a bitch. Not even excusably, she’s a straight up, grade A, heinous bitch. And every time she has the opportunity to show that she cares, or that she’s worth it, it just doesn’t happen. Not because she doesn’t see the moment, but because she chooses not to jump at it. And after all the heartache, all the late nights, all the tears, and all the drama, you still choose to go back to her every time she calls. WHY!?!?! And then to call us assholes afterwards? That’s the classy part. The people who are there for you, who listen to you, and who NEVER say “I told you so” (even though it’s running through our minds constantly, and we both know it). Grow some balls to replace the ones she took from you, move on, and don’t give her a second thought. It’s not the end of the world, and believe me. She’s not worth it. There are plenty of kind, sweet, deserving girls out there who you would be much happier with. Even if it takes a while to fall out of love, and back into it again, it will be so much better than this time. Anyone can see that. We can’t all be wrong.

Just stick up for yourself, people. Stop whining, stop worrying, and just be happy. And if you can’t be happy, be cynical. Eventually, we’re all going to get what’s coming to us.