Pretty Little Liars Season 4 Episode 16 – TV Review

Hanna Fashionistard Counter:
She must have typed “unflattering mess” into her closet database this episode.
Our count is now 9 shite, 7 orright.

The only thing more emasculating than dating Aria is getting dumped by Aria.

But chin up, Jake. If you turn into her sabotaging mortal enemy, maybe she’ll want you back.

TL;DR Aria makes her wrong choice; Emily has a meeting with Alison; Shana might not be evil after all; Hanna sooks around; Toby takes some dodgy advice from Peter.

Because getting a wad of cash is a bad thing to these people.

By Liars’ powers divided, our plotlines unfold:

Hanna finally gets pushed to the back of the queue, spending all her time in relationship mode. She has a mini breakdown until she jumps on Travis as a perfect rebound. Ashley helps her work through some of her issues, and things seem to be looking up.

Emily gets to lead the plot-relevant charge. After the whole gang makes a second trip to the Busy Bee and find a taunt from A, Emily is contacted by Shana. Shana claims she is actually a childhood friend of Alison’s and came to Rosewood to find out who was threatening her (being Jenna’s lovah was apparently part of the undercover investigation). She takes Emily to a clandestine meeting with Alison, on the condition that Emily not tell anyone. Well, she told Spencer, and when a suspicious Spencer shows up, Alison legs it. Emily is mad.

Spencer, meanwhile, further presses Peter on Radley and Jason. Jason turns out to have fallen back into substance abuse, and he was helping Jessica get him into rehab or something. With Radley, Spencer finds out that Jessica is on the board of trustees, and doubts the altruism in Peter’s advice for Toby to drop the action against Radley and take some cash (with a side of gag order). Toby takes the money. Because we’re not all little daddy’s girls who can bite the hands that feed us with impugnity.

And Aria dumps the shit out of Jake. Jake spots Ezra arguing with a blonde woman in the street, and when Aria asks Ezra about it, he says that it was Maggie’s lawyer. He claims Maggie is trying to refuse him access to Malcolm. Aria buys it, but anybody else in the world won’t.

What Aria lacks in brain function, she makes up for in… eyeliner density, I guess?

I never thought I’d be grateful for a Hanna-lite episode, but it was definitely time to give someone else a go.

Unfortunately, that someone was Emily, queen of the inappropriate emotional response. Her epic shitfit at Spencer for spooking Alison, and especially her refusal to accept that Alison is clearly still playing games, is textbook Emily douchebaggery.

I suppose love makes fools of us all. Not that I have any idea what love is.

Why I hate this episode:

Also, it’s Emily’s own fucking fault. If she was so secure in the legitimacy of the meeting with Alison, she would have followed the instructions not to tell anyone about it. Her rage at Spencer is merely her way of displacing blame from herself. I thought being a pathetic bitch was Aria’s job?

Speaking of Aria, she did the inevitable. Who on Earth would choose brains over abs? She’s crazy.

Hanna is in denial about her flirtation with Travis being a straight-up rebound. I know he’s a soulless, 1-dimensional manifestation of man candy, but you shouldn’t lead a dude on like that, gurl.

To help her vent some feelings, Ashley takes Hanna to a place where you can pay to smash plates. What the fuck? I don’t know if the hipster within me should be mortified or impressed.

Hanna also has a big, post break-up closet purge. This wouldn’t be an issue if she didn’t spend the entire episode wearing garbage.

Spencer better let the Radley thing go. I’m sick of her self-righteousness. Toby is happy enough that he knows his mum didn’t kill herself, and he gets a payout as well. Are you not satisfied?

Emily believes Shana. What an idiot.

She also gets a highly desirable I Just Hate Everything worst line this episode, when she’s trying to rationalise to Spencer that going alone to a meeting with Alison is totally safe: “Maybe A can’t watch all of us all the time.” Has she really been paying that little attention to her own life?

Oh, and Alison says she can’t trust anyone and that’s why she’s in hiding. Really honestly, what the fuck is this all about? Whatever Alison/the Liars did better turn out to be goddamn insanely epically enormous in magnitude to justify all this shit. More and more I find myself asking “Why don’t they just go to the police?” I know the Rosewood PD has a bad record, but go to the FBI or something. Jesus. What could these girls have done that was so bad that A would be literally killing people to enact their plans?

But it’s not all bad:

I believe Spencer when she says Alison is still just playing games to keep all the tops spinning. And she’s doing a damn fine fuckin’ job of it. Not that Emily is a difficult mark.

Honestly, I’d love to see the whole Radley thing just go away and die. But if they are intent on keeping it going on (and it looks like they are), I’m happy for the conspiracies to mount. Why the hell would Jessica Dilaurentis be on the board of trustees? I want to find out.

Spencer only discovers that information because she raids her father’s briefcase when he’s out of the room. You smooth, girl.

Hanna leaves Caleb a voicemail thanking him for the best year of her life. Good, now move on.

In fact, she’s already started that. She macks all over Travis after they play some sexually tense pool. I just wish I could believe her when she says it isn’t a rebound. Because it totally, 100% is.

Nobody but Emily believes Shana is telling the truth. Good.

Jake sends Aria some jewellery as a gift shortly before she breaks up with him. She feels like shit about it. It’s only natural that she feels like what she is.

Spencer is insistent on finding out who the “disturbed” patient was who was with Marion when she died. Go on, then. Just don’t be too melodramatic about it.

Near the end of the episode, Jake kicks his punching bag and gets stabbed by a collection of concealed knives inside it. I presume this is Ezra’s retribution for busting him for lying to Aria. I approve.

Oh, and thank god Hanna is back to her fashionistarded ways. I was sick of praising her.

Keep your eye on the ball, Travis. Because ain’t nobody wanna look at that outfit.