Motherhood and creative work

Creative work can be challenging with children in your life.

“I’d be in the middle of a sentence and someone needed to go to mall for new shoes, so the sentence would be lost.”

That is a quote by Amy Bloom, who has worked as a psychotherapist, taught at Yale University, and is Wesleyan University’s Writer-in-Residence.

In an interview about being a mother and writer, she commented, “When I started, I wrote late at night, after they were in bed. I could do that and get away with it because I’m not much of a housekeeper and I didn’t need much sleep. I liked my kids and didn’t care much about my house, so it worked.”

But, she admitted, “writing with children present is not productive. They really never go away. My daughter made a sign for my study door that says ‘Come in’ on one side, and on the other side it says: ‘Knock first, then come in.’ That’s a perfect description of me as a writer.”

Balancing parenthood with a need to be creative

Emma Thompson commented: “I’m very lucky I write as well. I don’t see how I could be as effective a mother as I’d like to be if I had to go away and act all the time.

“So I’ve sort of pulled back from acting, which is fine, because I’ve found over the years – and this was a surprise to me – that I can get the same kind of creative satisfaction from writing as I have heretofore gotten out of acting. It’s very encouraging, really.”[imdb.com]

In addition to acting, Emma Thompson has movie credits as an Executive Producer and Screenwriter, and is author of a children’s book “The Further Tale of Peter Rabbit.”

“They are constantly driven to learn, to create and to be intellectually productive even while raising young children.

“Many of these women face periods of frustration when the demands of family and their need for intellectual immersion collides.”

Mass chaos and family responsibility

Seiger adds, “As one friend who was getting her second master’s degree put it: “mass chaos” ensues when one attempts to become immersed intellectually while simultaneously remaining attentive and available for family responsibilities…”

She notes that “Like gifted children and young adults; gifted adults are distinguishable not only by their IQ’s but by their intensity, multiple talents, high energy, curiosity and obsessive need to increase in-depth knowledge in subjects that interest them.

“Trying to ignore these qualities can result in a depressed mood, anxiety and feelings of being unfulfilled emotionally and intellectually.”

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Those kinds of feelings and reactions may also be part of burnout from either attempting too much, beyond your emotional and physical resources – or being chronically frustrated at not being able to pursue creative ambitions, whether or not you consider yourself gifted.

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Tina Fey is the creator and a writer of the wry TV comedy series “30 Rock” and also stars as the producer of the TV show-within-the-show, Liz Lemon.

Fey acted in a fun American Express commercial as Lemon, a multitalented, multitasking marvel who was called on for a series of executive and creative decisions, as well as being a mom. Lemon handled the demands with apparent ease.

But this was, after all, a fictional character and a commercial.

In real life, do people with multiple talents realize their abilities as readily and fully as they want?

Tina Fey herself is certainly multitalented: a writer, screenwriter, comedian, actress, and producer, and also the mother of two young children.

In an interview, Fey said, “I don’t think you should limit yourself. The sky is the limit. Your dreams and goals are only as big as you make them.

“It literally is a full time job juggling all three positions [acting , writing, producing ’30 Rock’]. Aside from my job, I’m a full-time mommy too.”

Alanis Morissette on motherhood, inspirations and her mood challenges:

“The last album [Flavors of Entanglement, 2008] was my break-up record. Splitting in 2007 from my fiancé Ryan Reynolds [who went on to marry and divorce Scarlett Johansson] was devastating.

“I always knew that marriage and motherhood would inspire me. ‘Guardian’, the first single from the new album [Havoc and Bright Lights], is about my son Ever, but also about taking care of myself.

“It took a while to feel that rush of love for the baby. I didn’t know this person. He knew exactly what to do – he breast-fed immediately, which was a gift. I was in a stupor. It’s a love unlike any other and the most functional because there is this steadfast connection.”

But she also experienced – and recovered from – postnatal depression.

“The degree and intensity of it shocked me. I am predisposed to depression, but what surprised me this time was the physical pain. I hadn’t realised the depths to which you can ache: limbs, back, torso, head, everything hurt – and it went on for 15 months.

“I felt as if I was covered in tar and everything took 50 times more effort than normal. I wished I could have cried but there was no relief during that time; my version of depression is almost below crying where there is just despondency.

“Amazingly, it didn’t hinder the creative process and I wrote the album. I had various therapies and now I feel all light and springy.”

“It did affect it, in the sense that I was able to finally have my maternal energy channeled into an appropriate relationship — versus having done it super-dysfunctionally with ex-boyfriends and in professional relationships. Being a mom with my actual son was very appropriate.”

Here are two programs specifically for mothers, by holistic health coach Lisa Byrne of WellGrounded Life:

The M.A.P.P. Gathering free interview series was “a series of intimate conversations with 9 exceptional women around the topics of (M.A.P.P.:) motherhood, ambition, passion and purpose.

“These nationally recognized authors, speakers, artists and experts, who are doing remarkable work in the world, open up and share honestly about navigating the journey of motherhood while pursuing their dreams.”

“No one in the history of humans has ever mothered in a world like we live in today. Now mothers want self expression, they want to contribute their unique gifts AND they aren’t willing to sacrifice that which they hold most dear – particularly in the realm of family and mothering.

“One of my secret wishes is that we, as inspired mothers, start a riot around the world redefining life and mothering on our own terms.

“I want us to be agents of major prosperity, laughter, kindness and creativity – not only for ourselves, but paving a new path for our sons and daughters to follow in as well.

“It’s the journey of a Life On Purpose and it is a radiant thing to behold. It’s also pretty simple once you get the basic pieces in place.”

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Actor Jennifer Connelly commented on motherhood on being a single mother to her then two-and-a-half-year-old son:

“It has changed absolutely everything. I mean, it’s changed my life. I think I’ve changed as a human being more since I’ve had Kai than in any other period in my life.

“It’s such an incredible catalyst for growth. I found myself questioning absolutely everything: how I spend my time, how I speak, what kind of projects I work on, how I look at the world.”[Reel.com 3.21.00]

She has also said, “I don’t think I would be doing this quality of work if it hadn’t been for my son. He’s changed me. He’s helped me to understand myself and find my place in the world.”[imdb.com]

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Some women, including artists, choose not to be a parent, or can’t be.

Holland Taylor: “I don’t think I was born to be a mother. During those years when my body would have wanted [babies], my mind wasn’t listening.

“My creativity was so starved… I was very seriously thinking about adopting a Chinese girl. A part of me wanted a love that would be mine and always be there for me.

“But somehow that just made me psychologically uncomfortable.”[People 11.29.99]

Anjelica Huston: “I have a very full life and I am very happy with where I am now. I don’t want to change anything.

“I once wanted to have children and it was not my choice not to have children but it hasn’t broken my heart that I haven’t.

“I think unless you’re truly whole-heartedly prepared to make a full-time commitment, you have to really think about it.

“I certainly wouldn’t adopt children just because everybody in show business seems to be doing it.”[imdb.com]

“There are a lot of creative women in my family – my mom and aunts – and they are all so artistic, but have worked at jobs that were just to pay the bills.

“I thought it was really a waste that someone like my mom, who was so creative and naturally talented, didn’t find the opportunity to merge her creative passions with her livelihood.

“It was a waste because of the years spent being underpaid, under-appreciated, and away from her kids (she was a single mom until I was 8 and worked a lot of jobs); a waste of the beauty that didn’t get to exist – that only she could bring to life; and a waste for all of us who would have benefited from her particular genius.

“I hope my mom doesn’t mind me using her as an example. The fact is, she is one of the most creative people I know. Growing up with someone so creative, yet not finding the appropriate outlet for her creativity, definitely shaped my destiny.

“By the way, it’s never too late to answer your creative calling. There are loads of examples of people who did not even start on their creative business path until midlife or retirement age. My mom, and people like her, can still make their creative mark on the world.”

“Shona guides you through the Artist’s Workshop, a 12-week course that includes step-by-step instructions for making artwork inspired by your children.

“You’ll also be introduced to seven other artistic mothers from whom you can draw inspiration and encouragement.”[Amazon.com summary]

On her blog [shonastudio.blogspot.com] Shona Cole writes: “Many people ask me ‘How do you do it all?’ when they hear that I have 5 kids that I homeschool and I do art, photography and write poetry. Well, I wrote my book in part to answer those questions.”

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Articles:

To Be Creative and A Mother
How does being a mother affect a creative woman, especially someone engaged in a career in the arts? “The motherhood thing – I think of it like a marathon, except a marathon is over in a day. It’s an endurance test and it’s something you absolutely can’t stop for a second. Part of what makes it really cool and interesting is almost anything [besides motherhood] you commit to, you can take a breather.”

About Douglas Eby

Douglas Eby (M.A./Psychology) is author of the Talent Development Resources series of sites including High Ability; Highly Sensitive and Creative; The Creative Mind and others - which provide "Information and inspiration to enhance creativity and personal development." Also see Résumé.

Developing Multiple Talents: The personal side of creative expressionby Douglas Eby
"One of many reviews: "Part book about creativity, part compendium of useful tidbits, quotations and research, and part annotated bibliography, this is a wildly useful and highly entertaining resource." - Stephanie S. Tolan, fiction writer and consultant on the needs of the gifted. -- See About the book for more.