Category Archives: women in India

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In India,we are accustomed to the habit of making grave things sounds petty, for it leaves room for procrastination and escapism .Methinks for a country and society which prefers euphemism over actual definitions of an act or problem, can never be comfortable with dealing them…..Why as a society are we so uncomfortable with actual definitions of problems ? And because we treat the words to be more offensive and anti culture ,in a course we tend to undervalue its impact.Personally i regard it as a defective method ,because concealing inappropriate ,disturbing and damaging activities under the cloak of convenient and less unpleasant words undermine appropriate attitude towards serious issues.

Euphemism have what i believe a kind of dehumanizing effect,they make you callous,they lend a kind of disguised insensitivity to a person.The debate that is often used in favor of using euphemism is that some words may sound offensive or inappropriate and may become a cause of embarrassment for certain people.I totally regard this as hoax,i feel the society tends to avoid certain certain issues and in order to lessen their gravity resort to euphemism.i mean it’s hard to believe that people get offended by the definition of certain issue and not the issue itself.It’s just not an act of dodging offensive or bad words but intentional dodging of vile issues.

Popular euphemism in our country :

Eve teasing:Public sexual harassment

I don’t think that the word eve teasing can even distantly cover what all happens to women on streets in our country.I have been hit on my breast, a pat on my back even when my father was walking besides me ,and shocked when i looked at the guy he just winked and pulled off.I don’t think the word teasing stands a chance to do justice with all such acts.I have heard more horrendous cases which the society would cover casually under eve teasing.We need to face the reality, by keeping things under the cloak won’t change the reality instead would make the situation more awful.

Now since i am married i am exposed to more hazards of being a woman.Post marriage a woman is expected to adorn herself with myriad of ornaments for the well being of her husband or to enhance her reproductive capacity.I know many people would quote references that it has more to do with the health of a women,but i would like to enquire how many such rationalities are dished out when a woman is asked to put on these adorns?And if it were in any case colligated to the health of a woman ,then why she is supposed to remove them when her husband dies?

The modern educated female brigade has abjured such customs if not wholly at least partially .We have a option to say no or rebel against such beliefs but still a large number of women adorn themselves with the post marriage ornaments not for any other reason but just the well being of their husbands.And occasionally even we have to decorate ourselves to avoid the caustic remarks of relatives.I am perplexed and really have serious doubts about the same that are Indian men so frail or death prone? Or the wife in herself is such an presaging ill fortune that such specifies are predetermined before she enters the life of the concerned male?Is it so that her presence is so ominous that it will expose the man’s life to so many perils?Because before marriage no such thing was practised by his mother or sister.On top of it women do fast also for the long lives of their husbands .

Ah! so much effort is expected of women to keep their husbands alive and kicking.But men they do absolutely nothing at all.I think i would sound a bit eccentric but i would like to go and rationalise the practice with my latter conclusion that there is something wrong with the women’s presence or ogres always stalk them and gobbles down their husbands if the concerned woman detaches herself from such customs.

Struggling to unravel the enigma:Widows who adhere to all such practices throughout but still meets such a fate….Are the ogres to brawny to be exorcised or expelled through such practices of adjuration and prayers?

Married since past three months …..Clueless and baffled by the mute subscription of millions of females in our country and on the other hand having an exaggerated self opinion i didn’t .:)….Not that that i had to run the gauntlet to achieve the same but still puffed up just because i didn’t yield to the lines of male descent .I know that now some robust minded people would look down upon me for my inanity of trying to project myself as a revolutionary female who is trying hard to knock down the patriarchy but nescient that by sticking to her maiden surname still is an upholder of the same patrileneal tradition.Yes, compatriots i am very much aware of this fact that i am still a campaigner of patrilineal traditions of carrying the father’s surname but couldn’t find a rescue in taking up my mother’s surname since she also adopted it from her father and so it won’t clear up the confusion anyhow nor would i propose to simply do away with the system altogether since it’s highly impracticable and unreasonable(No intent to give hand to caste system .:)

Personally ,i am quite okay with the tradition of inheriting the surname of one’s father which is out and out a patrilineal practice but not so bitter as is the case with the surname change drill that takes place post marriage .Logic behind such acceptance being that the parent(be it the father or mother)is someone who cultivates the individual ,is responsible for the rearing of the child and also some one from whom a child acquire her/his identity .Hence, adopting the surname of any of the two parents should be an acceptable practice anywhere round the globe(this also suggests adopting the mother’s surname should also be a welcomed practice).

But what makes me disquieted is the practice of adopting the husband’s surname after marriage.Of course many traditionalist would argue that this is done in order to ward off ambiguity and maintain uniformity .It also reflects the acceptability ,adaptability ,submissiveness and sacrificing nature of the woman(Oh! yes sacrifice even to the extent of changing one’s identity ,and why not?after all it’s so facile as the principal constituent of identity for a female comprises of her outward appearance which goes through a whole lot of metamorphosis post marriage)however none of the above rationale convince me and nor does the practice of name joining .

For most it’s highly impossible to conceive this thought to the fullest ,since in the middle of the deliberation process they would be impregnated with opinions about the proposer as to having irrational resistance to rational standards .

Recently i have started working in an educational institute,dealing in spoken english and personality development programme.We have students from different strata of the society.They all are disheartened from the rejections they have faced in their lives.In learning english lies their salvation and emancipation.

For this whole week i was in dearth of a subject to dash off a post.Probably i didn’t got time to deliberate upon anything.Today the whole day i was thinking about what to write,nothing struck my mind,i was thoroughly dissapointed with my incompetence.Finally i gave up and thought not to write anything.Just when i was about to leave my office at 7:30 ,one of my student (AD) approached me.She was thoroughly dissapointed with herself.She thought she could never ever learn to converse in english.All i could gauge from her initial conversation with me was that she wanted to learn as soon as possible.

I told AD that it’s not possible that she can learn in just two days.There was something brimming inside her and finally her feelings oozed.She broke totally,forgetting she is in front of so many people

“Ma’am,my husband always criticize me,he is pursuing his MBA from some college in Delhi,and whenever i will call him he will always make an excuse that i am having my class right now don’t disturb,when i call him in the evening or night ,he always criticize me and fights with me that you are uncouth and uncivilized,you don’t know english,i cannot introduce you to my friends,you are a cause of embarrassment for me.,it’s because of him that i have decided to learn english”

I felt so terrible,and at the same time raged.If the girl was so inappropriate for the guy why did he marry her in the first place.The reason is quite apparent he just obliged his parents decision and at the same time dowry would have played a determining role.

What’s her future ?A girl pursuing her bachelors,hardly 20 years,what if her husband leaves her?Where will she go?What will she do?Will the society except her once her husband abandons her?And even if she continues to live with her husband,will he ever respect her?Will he be faithful to her?Will he not disregard her ?

Eve teasing is a euphemism used in India. The expression “eve teasing” is Indian in origin; you won’t find it in most dictionaries. Native speakers of English don’t use it.Eve teasing means public sexual harassment or molestation of women by men ,the word “eve” have biblical reference.Considering the phonological roots of the term in Indian English, Eve teasing refers to the temptress nature of Eve, placing responsibility on the woman as a tease, as though the aggressive response of the males was normal rather than criminal.Many feminist in our country have raised their voice to replace the term with a more appropriate term.

Is it not apparent from the very term that our society no matter what always chides a woman for any sought of misbehavior she faces?

-You should not dress up like sluts.

-You should not get out of your house after seven in the evening

Ours is a society in which all the ball and chain are meant for the female society.The men in our society are free even to do the worst of acts.The reason for such discrimination is that a woman should always be virtuous and cautious, for men since eternity as meant to violate and surpass the decency level.If a woman wish to be safe in our society she should live in a shell,for men can’t change their stinking attitude.The Indian society reeks of unhealthy prejudices favoring the male society.When a woman is molested in public the society recklessly blames her in some or the other way(her dressing sense,she should keep tabs of time etc etc).But lets not forget every woman raped or molested is not parading the streets in a mini skirt or bikini,then why the malfeasance persist?

The coinage of the term “Eve teasing” in my opinion is offensive.It tantamount’s to putting the entire blame on womenfolk for the malfeasance.

I am gudiya.Last year while playing ghar ghar ,me and my friends decided to marry our kids(being our dolls).We all were super excited about the whole thing.Since i belong to a family where girls are only allowed to play after accomplishing every task assigned to us,so we kept the marriage after two weeks,so that we could get time for preparations.I was eleven then yet living the life of a woman,for i did the household chores,also i was a little mother to my five year old brother,so whatever time was left for me ,i tried to live my childhood in that time.

Finally the day arrived, i made some new clothes for my doll from the scraps i collected.I got my gudiya married.My friend took my doll to her place.After few weeks i went to my friends place to see my doll,there i found her in a deplorable position,i fought with my friend and brought my doll back with me.

Few months later i got married,my husband was a perfect stranger to me,almost 10 ,15 years elder to me.But i was blithe about the footage i got then,when i reached my husband’s place things changed drastically,some monster or rather a ghost ate me every night ,he resembled my husband,my in laws used to beat me and tormented me for my parents could not afford what they demanded,one day i was abandoned by my husband,my parents took me back with them similar to what i did one year back with my gudiya.After a week i got to know i was pregnant,my parents started crying,i didn’t understand why?Today i am a mother of a daughter,but i dread calling her gudiya .

The life of a woman is just like a doll,the society as kids play with them,treat them the way they want, abandon them as per their wish.But i don’t want my daughter to be gudiya,i want her to be treated as a woman when she grows up ,by woman i mean “a female human” and not just a “female”.

Arranged marriage’s in our country have become the most lucrative business for the groom’s family.The dowry laws exist just for the heck of it.The groom’s parents first divulge the tender and then as per the requirements strike on the best quote.They rank the proposals in a chronological order in terms of dowry being offered.If some how they are dazzled by the bride’s profile and appearance even then also dowry remains the ultimate determinant.

This is the bandwagon in which the proposals are considered now a days.Somebody narrated this conversation in front of me ,about how covetous people are when it comes to marrying their sons.I was so raged by this account and at the same time felt disheartened about the present situation,i think given an opportunity the grooms parents would not even hesitate to ask for the delivery charges incurred at the time of their son’s birth if the present trend persist in future.

Arrange marriage is more of a business now a days in our country,by the dint of which you could recover all the expenses you incurred on your son’s cultivation.The laws have flunk miserably,the society by and large is responsible for the failure.Bride burning is the order of the day.Those who are able to afford, foster this malfeasance in the name of gifts or a token of love to their daughter.For the rest who can’t their daughters either don’t get married or if in case they do they are tortured and harassed and even killed.

After dowry comes the bride selection process,which simply resembles the market survey procedure,as a prospective buyer visits all the shops and collect the catalogue’s ,so does the grooms family,they collect the bio data and pictures of the girls,then start rating them and if in case a girl’s parent call them while the procedure is going on,they simply say “abhi rukiye aap,aap 3rd number pe hai ,aapse upar do aur log hai “.

The requirement and qualities desired are quite baffling ..”Wanted a very fair,beautiful ,convent educated professionally qualified homely girl”.They seek a bride whom they can mold as per their requirement.It’s more like buying a furniture, as a furniture should be beautiful but at the same time something that could fit in easily.Seeing the plight of a girl’s parents it becomes quite apparent why a couple dread a girl child.It’s a sad fact that education and awareness in our society failed terribly to root out such social evils.

If education and awareness is incapable ,what is the panacea,how to stop this ongoing madness?

A girl in Indian society is taught to cultivate a submissive femininity,this drill starts from a very tender age.Girls are expected to be submissive in all situations,for it is inappropriate for a girl to surpass the “laxman rekha”.But till when we are going to barter our human rights for just an effeminate tag.Why an acknowledgment is so cardinal for us?

I am disheartened to be a deponent of such lives,where women consciously choose to cling to these demonic men.Ever thought why a women never grumbles about the infidelity of her husband?For she finds solace in the fact that all men are just the same.If a man is infidel it’s okay ,for men have always been like this,but if a women does the same she is termed promiscuous,i am not bolstering infidel women,yet i demand condemnation of infidelity of both the genders and that to homologous one.

Freshly i heard a story about a distant relative of mine.That relative is a female, now living an abandoned life,actually not exactly abandoned.The reason she was forsaken by her husband few years ago…”She was unable to conceive“.So he married another woman,and now is a proud father of a son.But this forsaken lady did not leave him even after his second marriage.She lives in the same house with his second wife.The man never divorced her and without a proper legal procedure married another women.And i thought polygamy is a malfeasance in our society?She is not the only woman i heard about who is living like this,several stories of similar fashion have been sounded to me many times.I flunk to assimilate why women don’t complain?Why they are blithe being with such a man ?The reason is they dread the humiliation by the society once they are completely forsaken,so even the slightest acceptance means a lot for them.The woman is guilty of being infertile,and at the same time exceedingly obliged that her husband allowed her to stay with him.She refused to go against her husband even after innumerable attempts from her family.

The sacred texts have defined the “quintessential Indian woman” ,a woman conceived on the footings of misogynistic beliefs.A woman who is vociferous about her ipseity is outrageous.It’s lamentable to witness that women in our society are mute disciples of these misogynistic beliefs.Women have to assimilate that religion and men are not repository of all virtues and ethical behavior.By subscribing to the atrocities of men,they are disparaging their own existence as a human being.

Vatsayyana, the (alleged) writer of the ancient sex manual the Kama Sutra wrote,a man should marry a girl of eleven or thereabouts, just on the verge of puberty. The reason put forth by him was that a woman by nature … Continue reading →

Why are the Indian women so superficial and shallow?

Hi everybody, i would really like to get a serious response to this questions since, it isn’t a try to insult the mentioned group of people but to simply try to understand their mentality.
Namely, each time i had conversations with Indian women/girls, whether on live or in internet, i was being amazed by their shallowness and superficiality. I wasn’t able to have a more serious conversation with any of them or to receive thoughtful answer on my questions and the most interested they were about was: talking bad about other women, people and food. What was impressing them the most were the status symbols (money, cars, London…). Some of them who were eventually interested in me, after knowing them for a long time, the emotions i felt from them were very basic and shallow, if not fake. They seemed purely attached to the image of the wealthier life they could have and not at all to the person. It’s all really very disappointing since that’s not what hinduism teaches either. So, if someone who is more into Indian culture could explain me this phenomenon better i would be very grateful.

Courtesy:Yahoo Answers

Are Indian women really depth less and frivolous?Is it so that Indian women can’t think beyond money,shopping, etc.If we discern the situation today most of the women function exceedingly doltish and shallow.Most of them act cliche and live up to the image of being ignoramus.Some of the most hackneyed phrases used by women in our country are-

– I love shopping,oh i am a complete shopaholic.
– I love teddy bears ,awwwwwwieeeeee they are “Sho cute”
– I love diamonds ,after all diamonds are women’s best friends. Moreover,if you don’t relish these phrases then your not “girly”.It’s highly upsetting why a hefty proportion of women in our country are blithe with their dimwit and doltish image.Is it that women don’t want to enjoy an intellectual status? Feminism and tenderness doesn’t connote to all this.When in relationships most women become obsessed with gifts.They expect their partners to fetch them expensive one’s so that they could brag about it in front of their peers.What kind of yardstick of love is this?Many have even resorted to being clicked with teddy bears and gifts given by their partners and flaunt it on social networking sites.What kind of promulgation is this? After all this shallowness,we demand respect from the society.What type of respect are we talking about?Women to be respected as the “most superficial beings”.Most women will blame the male dominated Indian society for the shallow thoughts of women and their cultivation in such a way.But would you do so today also?Women who are well educated are most prone to this kind of behavior,they are more contagious to this superficiality.It is we who promote ourselves are shallow beings in the name of effeminate endowments.