The Augusta Velvet Hammer

If you are looking to woo your guests with a scrumptiously boozy and frozen delight, this drink I am here to help.

If you are looking for a quick loosy-goosy feel on a festive night, this drink I can help with that, too.

If you are looking for irresistible charm and beguiling wit, you have come to the right place.

You will be the boss of all drinks delightful if you serve this sweet + creamy + boozy + dreamy milkshake for grown-ups at your next soiree.

What is this magical elixir?

It’s called a Velvet Hammer, and I think I have cracked the code for its enigmatic, closely protected and ever-coveted recipe.

Unlike Velvet Hammer recipes you will find on the interwebs, the recipe for this legendary Augusta favorite has been locked in a private vault deep in the belly of one of our city’s golf clubs.

But why is it a secret? Because this frosty, delicious drink has magical powers.

Ask those who have tippled its apocryphal potency and they will attest to becoming preternaturally wise in conversation and unprecedentedly lithe on the dance floor. It bestows captivating charisma upon even the most stodgy. It gifts deeply philosophical musings to typically banal carousers. It makes golf scores dubiously low and poker bids astonishingly large. It makes bloggers use pretentious and esoteric loquacity.

It makes the not-so-handsome seem princely. Yes, it can even work that magic.

Trust me. There is a surfeit of undocumented testimony.

But now the secret recipe is out! Go forth and imbibe and giggle and wobble! Just make sure you have a soft place to land.

DISCLAIMER: The Velvet Hammer promises a throbbing in the cranium by a hammer swathed in velvet.

ADVISORY: Collect all recording devices from anyone within 500 feet of your revelry.