I
am very concerned about my daughter.
She has a good head on her shoulders
about most things. She will
be graduating from the university
in August with a 3.0 average.
She has one scholarships and
excelled in her chosen field.

Then
comes the boyfriend. He broke
up a relationship that she had
for about 4 years. He is very,
very conniving. Right when her
father and I think we have him
gone, she goes right back to
him. She has told me horror
stories of things that he has
done to her, including trying
to have her arrested, alienating
her from her friends and trying
to alienate her from her family.
She even goes to the point of
getting a restraining order
(but doesn't turn it back in),
changing her locks and her cell
phone number.

I
can tell that she's scared,
but she keeps going back. She
is 22-years-old and there is
not too much I can do, because
she is an adult. But I can't
just wash my hands of her. This
has made me both physically
and mentally sick. Please tell
me where I can go for help.
I am so lost. I don't know how
much more I can take before
I snap. I have threatened to
call the police and tell them
that they are filing false reports
on each other.
PLEASE help!!!!!
Nancy

Dear
Nancy,

Thanks
so much for sticking by your
daughter. Though it might feel
like your support isn't have
an impact, I imagine that it
is--and it especially matters
that she continue to know that
you are there for her.

From
the details you gave in your
email, I am worried about your
daughter, too. One of the most
common traits among abuses is
that they try to alienate the
"victim" from everyone else
in their life. Since this seems
to be what is happening to your
daughter - I worry that her
"boyfriend" is as dangerous
for her well being as you predict.

I'm
not sure where you live, but
I recommend that you help put
her in touch with a support
group -- perhaps you can go
with her. She needs to know
that what is happening to her
-- i.e. how he is treating her
-- is common among batterers.
I'm not sure where you and/or
your daughter live, but you
can find resources nearest you
via the directory
of women's services that
is located at feminist.com.
I suggest you access these resources,
call them for advice on how
best to get your daughter to
access these resources, and
then be as supportive as you
have been already. I hope that
helps you to continue to help
your daughter.
Good luck,