Update.. help with grieving hisband...

luvsgrtdanesDecember 13, 2004

First off I want to thank everyone for there offers of advice, This is a wonderful site.

My husband is doing much better as far as the anger goes, though still extremely sad. He just finds it so unfair and doesn't know what to do for his brother's pain. I offer as much help as I can and have let him know am there when he needs to let it out whether it's anger or sadness.

The holiday's aren't helping any as we spend Christmas eve with his Brother. I just don't know how they are going to cope.

Ronnie, thanks for checking in with us. There's really nothing your husband can do for his brother other than to be there for him. I know that this is such a helpless feeling. I had so many people wanting to help me and my husband when we lost our daughter, but we all know that when we love someone and they leave us, there is nothing anyone can do unless they can bring them back. It's just good to know that other people are there for us.
I'm so sorry for the pain that so many people are facing this holiday and will face for many more to come.
The following poem below may help somewhat.
Lu

Ronnie, I'm glad you posted an update. I know it must be terribly hard to see your husband going through this and knowing there isn't much you can do to make it better. I'm sure the holidays will be hard but for you and your husband to just be there with him to listen and hug and remember will mean a lot. I know that it will probably be a difficult day for you but it will mean so much to all of them. I believe when the pain eases off and thinking becomes clearer again we remember the people who were there for us when we were at our lowest and we know how much they truly care for us. That's the gift you are giving your husband and his brother's family. God bless.

Ronnie, it will be tough getting thru the holidays no doubt. about the most your husband can expect right now, is just to be there for his brother. there will be a lot of pain and grieving, and it is so much more so around the holidays. strength and love will help them both get thru this most difficult period.

Thanks for your thoughtfulness leogirl.
Christmas was tough but we managed to have a beautiful and loving get together. My brother in law passed out framed pictures of my nephew to each and everyone of us with a beautiful memory poem attached. The pictures were all different and funny, saying they know "Peter is happy knowing he can still make us smile" o:)
My husband is still extremely sad but I can see he is realizing he needs to try and resume his normal activities.
My brother in law and his wife are still just going thought the motions that they have to, and have been in contact with MADD and getting a lot of outside support for there family.
I think we all have a long road to hoe as the trial and all the legal crap will soon begin.
I do count my blessings that we are close enough to offer all the support we can.
I wrote my sister in law a letter on Christmas to let her know my feelings, it's amazing what you can put down in words to lift your spirits.

Thank you all again for letting me ramble on here!!
I wish that no one has to go through this kind of grieving.

Ronnie, I'm glad you were all able to find some enjoyment at Christmas. I guess MADD will be helpful to your family since it will help you all connect with others who have been in the same situation. And, yes, it is amazing what the written word can do for you. I keep a journal - something I've done off and on for years - and I've found that after I write in it I'm a little more peaceful. It's strange but I had bought a new journal in August; Bob died in September. The journal has lighthouses on it so I HAD to have it - and on the front it says Hope lights the Way. Most of the time I have more feelings of being hopeless than of having hope but I guess this all has to run it's course. But I read the front of that journal each time I pick it up to write in it just to remind myself that I need to find Hope again so I can find my way. I hope you and your family find your way, too.