SCOTTSDALE – Authorities are scrambling to determine whether a retired restaurateur with ties to organized crime is responsible for killing countless adversaries who have shown up on his doorstep, or if his alibi is true that a multi-dimensional portal located on his living room bar stool has caused certain individuals with criminal records to vanish from this plane of existence.

Scottsdale police said they became alerted to the activities of Yuki Ishikawa, 58, single — who is the listed owner of several small sushi restaurants in Los Angeles and Phoenix, but is believed to have spent the majority of his career as an enforcer for the Yakuza, a Japanese criminal gang – after an investigation into a separate case led detectives to Ishikawa’s Carefree Mountain Estates home.

“We had been building a case for months against an individual we believed to be a serial killer, and we were looking forward to putting behind bars,” said Det. James Wells with the Scottsdale police. “We were parked in an unmarked vehicle outside Mr. Ishikawa’s residence and watched our suspect knock on Mr. Ishikawa’s door, be greeted by Mr. Ishikawa, enter his residence … never to be seen again.”

Det. Wells said he and his partner waited for three hours before they decided the suspect must have known police were monitoring him and escaped through a back door.

At that point, the officers decided to approach Ishikawa.

“He was friendly and led us to his living room, where he had a nice bar that reminded me of an old saloon,” said Det. Wells. “There was a sign hung near the bar that read, ‘I Never Trust a Man That Doesn’t Drink.’ Mr. Ishikawa explained to us it was a quote from John Wayne, his favorite American actor.”

“I love old cowboy movies,” Ishikawa is reported to have told police.

Shown is Ishikawa’s saloon-style bar, supposed scene of the crime.

Ishikawa offered the officers a drink, but they declined, as they were on duty, which prompted a round of laughter.

“Guess I won’t be trusting you, then,” Ishikawa is reported to have said. “But the question is, will you be trusting me with what I am about to tell you?”

Ishikawa placed his hands on the middle bar stool, preventing anyone from sitting on it. He urged the officers to take a seat on the remaining two stools to either side of him.

Ishikawa explained to the officers that ever since he moved into his home earlier that year, guests who sat in the middle stool vanished. Ishikawa learned of the power of the stool when an old enemy paid him a visit, and after offering the man a drink — wondering what he should do next — the man sat on the stool, and then he was gone.

Ishikawa explained to the officers that after he retired he rediscovered Buddhism, realized the errors of his old criminal ways, and wanted to help find a ‘non-violent solution’ to humanity’s most pressing problems. So, Ishikawa said he began to devote his free time to luring ‘the world’s greatest villains’ to his home in order to send them on a ‘one-way ticket to no man’s land.’

According to Ishikawa, the serial-killer suspect that the officers were looking for was one such victim of his bar stool.

“Excuse me?” said Det. Wells.

“I welcomed him inside, and I urged him to have a seat while I made him a drink,” Ishikawa is reported to have said. “And you know, when he sat down, he just … disappeared. Gone. Problem solved.”

Det. Wells said he and his partner believed Ishikawa’s remarks were a street-wise way of admitting that he murdered the suspected serial killer, so they arrested him.

“I guess I couldn’t trust you, after all,” Ishikwa is reported to have told police as he was taken into custody at Scottsdale jail.

“We had a confession to murder — or so we thought, but something didn’t add up,” said Det. Wells. “There was no sign of a struggle at the bar, for example. No blood. And of course, no body. Either Ishikawa was crazy, or there was more to this case than we first imaged.”

The placard that hangs near Ishikawa’s bar.

Physicists analyze bar stool

Forensic specialists analyzed Ishikawa’s Carefree Mountain Estates home, and while there was ample DNA evidence taken from hair samples of many individuals who visited the address – including DNA from the suspected serial killer – there were no bodies found.

“No matter where we looked or what question we asked, Mr. Ishikawa’s alibi didn’t crack under scrutiny,” said Det. Wells. “We realized either he was an amazing magician, or perhaps there was some truth to his story. We started to look at the case from a different perspective.”

Physicists from Arizona State University and the University of Arizona were invited to the Carefree Mountain Estates home to assist the investigation. While the ASU professor seemed baffled by the situation, incapable of forming a coherent thought, and soon fled the scene, the UofA professor quickly ascertained the first scientific insights into the investigation.

Using an infrared camera, UofA Prof. Tamara Lee was able to determine that ‘excited molecular air particles’ that were ‘invisible to the naked eye’ remained concentrated within the immediate vicinity of the furniture piece.

“These particles remain localized within a one-foot radius of the bar stool,” said Lee. “In other words, whatever has been happening here — if there is a portal to another dimension, or even a more reasonable explanation for the disappearances of these people – it starts right there, with that hot seat.”

This infrared image was taken by investigators at Ishikawa’s home.

People barred to sit in ‘hot seat’

While non-human objects were placed on the stool and remained positioned on it without incident, further analysis of the furniture piece has revealed tiny grooves along the seat that seemed to have a pattern, according to Lee.

“I believe the seat might act as some kind of scanner,” said Lee. “Just like each human being has a unique fingerprint, when you consider the angle and weight of a person’s rear end, you realize each human being also has a unique butt print, and so I think the bar stool is somehow programmed to know when a person is sitting on it, and is triggered to act accordingly.”

Ishikawa, who said he purchased the stool at a garage sale, said he had no idea how it came to possess its ‘otherworldly’ properties.

Meanwhile, rumors of the infamous bar stool began circulating in the press and many local residents contact the city and offered to sit in the ‘hot seat’ and debunk the theory it is an inter-dimensional portal. For liability reasons, authorities said they declined the offers.

“We just can’t afford to take that risk,” said Det. Wells. “If someone sat on the stool and disappeared, it could cost this city a pretty penny in legal fees. So, the alibi remains undebunkable, and as such, I admit, the case does seem to be teetering toward ridiculousness.”

Furthermore, because there were no bodies found at the home tied to the murders of the dozen people Ishikawa claimed to make ‘disappear’ over the past year, the prosecutor’s office has determined there is not enough evidence to successfully convict Ishikawa.

As a result, Ishikawa was released on $15,000 bond within days of his arrest, and no charges against him were filed.

In addition, through a legal filing, Ishikawa also was able to obtain the bar stool and return it to his living room.

A rift in the space-time continuum, as one artist conceives, might look quite different in practice, according to some physicists.

Despite the publicity associated with the case, Ishikawa said his mission to rid the Earth of ‘the world’s greatest villains’ will continue.

“I recently read a news story about a superhero named Nightwatch,” said Ishikawa. “Although few people will come to my home willfully after this story gets out, I am hoping it will at least get Nightwatch’s attention. I hope we can team up and use his psychic powers of suggestion to make sure … how shall I say it? … the right kind of wrong people … always find their way to my bar.”

As far as who these guests invited to the home would be, Ishikawa was not willing to mention names.

“I can think of a few terrorists, corporate executives and heads of state I wouldn’t mind having over for a drink,” said Ishikawa. “Some people just need to return to that awful dimension from which they came, including that guy with the floppy red hair, America’s new President Elect …”