Date: Thu, 29 Jan 1998 11:28:12 EST
From: Is there a letter in your pouch for me?
Subject: Re: [WRITERS] TECH: Overcoming the fear
On Thu, 29 Jan 1998 10:27:58 EST, Antaeus Feldspar
wrote:
:) I need a lot of help from anyone who can give me advice on this
:) problem.
:) And I obviously did not succeed as well as he wanted me to, because
:) at a point late in the semester, he chose to make his critique of my work
:) *not* a critique of my work, but a savage attack on me and everything about
:) me -- not barring my intelligence, my honesty, my mental age, or my mental
:) health. The teacher chose not to do anything about this attack,
:) notwithstanding the fact that he came right out and said that "if you saw
:) what he wrote to me, you'd realize it was justified."
:) I realize that that was one psycho, and one crappy teacher. But
:) I'm in another novel workshop now, working on the same novel. Except I'm
:) not working on it, and that's the point. I haven't written another word in
:) that novel since that whole debacle -- just even thinking about it ties my
:) stomach in knots. Tonight I was supposed to finally sit down and start
:) writing, and I just couldn't.
:) I guess it's because I let my character embody parts of me that I
:) was nervous about to begin with. Even knowing that Psycho-Boy was only
:) saying it for the purpose of making me hurt, it worked -- I now nearly hate
:) my main character, for having left me so vulnerable and exposed, to be
:) worked over so thoroughly. What can I do?
okay, let's take a look at two techniques from More on The Gentle Art
of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D. She devotes a
major chunk of one chapter to dealing with pollution in your language
environment from "the Absent X". (p. 224) "This kind of pollution
enters your life when:
- you would be willing or eager to interact verbally with the
Absent X, but Absent X won't see you or won't talk to you.
- whether the Absent X would see you or talk to you is
irrelevant, because you're scared to try it.
- the Absent X is someone you will never know, never meet, and
have nomeans to approach directly.
- the Absent X is a gigantic entity or abstraction--such as
Violence in the Streets, or the Pentagon.
- the Absent X is media pollution--such as television
commercials or pornographic or violent movies."
(p. 225) "In these situations, your inability to 'get it off your
chest' creates a stress situation that is extremely unhealthy.
Precisely because you feel that you have no way to express your
feelings, you are highly likely either to brood about the problem to
an extent that interferes with the rest of your life or to bury what
you feel so deeply that it lies there and festers."
One suggestion, from p. 227...the letter you don't mail
"Sit down and write a letter to the Absent X, but don't mail it. This
is so simple that it may impress you as simpleminded--but it should
not be underestimated, because it has advantages that go beyond
simplicity. You don't have to worry about spelling, grammar, your
handwriting, or your typing skills. You don't have to worry about
possible consequences, such as anger or a lawsuit. You can say
anything at all that you want to say, no matter how excessive, no
matter how garbled. You can say the same thing over and over. You
can underline the parts that you mean the most. If there's no word
for exactly what you want to say, you can make one up--if you can't
think of something that looks real to you, substitute xxxxx wherever
the unavailable word would go. You can let go and absolutely give the
Absent X seventy-five different kinds of flaming hell, in complete
safety."
"You'll find that these letters are a magnificent semantic garbage
disposal system. When you do nothing but brood over the distress
Absent X's words are causing you, the distress doesn't go away. You
keep coming back to it the way you keep worrying at a sore tooth with
your tongue until you make _it_ sore, too. But if you put down on
paper all those things you'can't or won't say to Absent X directly,
you'll discover that that's the end of it. The amount of energy that
goes into the letter is just enough to let you dump the whole
thing. ..."
Another suggestion, from p. 231, is a fantasy dialogue.
(p. 232) "There is a lot of healthy satisfaction to be gained from
tackling your Absent X in a fantasy dialogue. You set this up just as
I've set up the interactions in this book:
Fantasy Dialogue
Payroll Clerk: Sorry, you can't have your check until Friday.
Me: You idiot! You hair-brained, incompetent,
arrogant, conceited, callous, nit-picking
ninny! You can't talk to me like that!
Payroll Clerk: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Me: I should hope to _Hannah_ you're sorry. Now
you go get my check! (and so on)
"This would never work in real life--if it would, you'd have no need
for verbal self-defense techniques. But the fantasy dialogue will let
you say exactly what you want to say to Absent X without any worries.
You can forget about matching realities and watching for
presuppositions. You can forget about what other people present might
think. You have all the power in your fantasy, and you should let go
and enjoy it. You can say all the things that in real life would put
you in jail or a doctor's office and still come out of it with
whatever you wanted--including an apology from Absent X, which you can
make as abject as you care to."
Third suggestion (sort of a variant on the fantasy dialogue one):
Write up that confrontation in the classroom. But this time, have the
teacher do their job. Allow yourself the pleasure of pointing out
that his attack on you stems from his own fragile ego lacking the
toughness to stand up to someone pointing out the cardboard characters
and trite plotting that he tries to hide under clouds of
deconstructionist glitter (or whatever the problems are). Do it up
right, with him dragged foaming at the mouth away in a straightjacket,
never to be allowed to play with words again.
Okay? One way or another, deal with the classroom incident first.
Then I think you'll be able to come back to your novel.
tink