Secrets of Stress-Free Family Time

Here's how to downshift from a busy day so you can relax and reconnect with the ones you love.

The first 10 minutes after you arrive home set the tone for the whole night. It's been a long, hectic, exhausting day, and all you want to do is wash your stress away with a hot, foamy bath or some mindless TV. But you can't, of course. You've got to start the evening shift at home. And when you're feeling frazzled and tired, switching gears to reconnect with your family isn't so easy. "After a tough day, you're worn thin and on the verge of losing it with your kids," notes Ingrid Schweiger, Ph.D., a family therapist in New York City. But blowing your top could mean blowing family time altogether, she says, because research shows that the first 10 minutes after you walk through the door at night determine the tone and outcome of the rest of your evening.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

You can make it through the witching hour without becoming a witch, however, if you take the time to re-enter family life the right way. First, show your husband and kids that you're there for them — say hello, make eye contact, hug them, kiss them. Then, grab a moment just for you, Schweiger suggests: "Change your clothes, sit down somewhere — whether it's the bathroom or your walk-in closet — and for two minutes visualize a peaceful evening with your family." You'll be calmer, cooler, and genuinely ready to really be with your husband and kids.

More From Redbook

What to do next? Here, 10 women share their creative ideas for easing back into family life after a difficult day:

Break the Rules
"Every now and then, we have 'backward night.' We skip homework (putting it off until the next morning), put on our pj's, and play board games until my husband comes home from work. For dinner, we have pancakes, scrambled eggs, sausage, and orange juice. Afterward we grab blankets, snuggle on the sofa, and watch DVDs. It gives us all a chance to let go of the rules for a short period of time and relax together. It also creates really great family memories." —Michele Dortch, 36, Glendale, AZ; mom to Chanelle, 8, Peyton, 6, and Legend, 3

Lay Low
"When I'm supertired, I stretch out on the living room floor and let my kids climb all over me. My two younger children especially love this. Being down on the ground with them keeps me from even being able to look at the things that need to get done, like the stack of mail on the table that needs sorting. I'm more present, and my kids sense that. My focus is on them and the closeness we're sharing. Plus, I get to lie down for a little while!" —Bernadette Noll, 44, Austin, TX; mom to Lucy, 11, Otto, 9, Esme, 6, and Dean, 2

Do a Pet Project
"Our golden retriever, Ajax, waits patiently for us all day. After I take him to the curb to do his business, I sit in the living room with my kids and play monkey in the middle, tossing a ball around the room over his head. Sometimes he intercepts a fly ball, sometimes he'll chase it to the intended recipient, sometimes he'll fetch. It's always a source of much hilarity. No matter what kind of mood I'm in when I get home, playing with Ajax and my kids puts us all in an affectionate mood. His unconditional love is contagious." —Molly Gordy, 54, New York City; mom to Chloe, 19, and Sophie, 11

Move It, Move It!
"We dance around the living room to one of my older son's favorite tunes — 'Don't Worry, Be Happy,' or anything by Chuck Berry. While my husband and I dance on the rug, our older son likes to jump off the couch and do spins. The 2-year-old shimmies his hips and has a few jazz moves. Our evening dance party takes me right out of my world of work and clients and into the world of laughter and music with all of my boys." —Lisa Tener, 45, Saunderstown, RI; mom to Will, 8, and Luke, 2

Search and Enjoy
"I take my kids on a treasure hunt after dinner. On a piece of paper, I write numbers from 1 to 4. Next to each number I'll write an object and draw a simple picture of it. For example: 1 stone, 2 acorns, 3 leaves, 4 twigs. I then give each of my children a bag and we go around the neighborhood and try to collect all of the items in the quantities stated. After a busy day in front of my computer, being in nature with my kids soothes me and gets us all on the same page." —Shona Killoughery, 28, Huntington Beach, CA; mom to Eire, 5, and TC, 3

Listen and Learn
"After I walk the dog to clear my head of work stuff, I ask my kids about their day. Usually it only takes a little question from me, like, 'How's school?' or, 'What was the best part of your day?' for them to start sharing. I just sit back and pay attention. It's a great way for me to catch glimpses into their lives, and reminds me of the close relationship I had with my father when I was little." —Stacey Radin, 38, New York City; mom to Justin, 11, and Jordyn, 8

Play 20 Questions
"We hang out in the family room and play a good old-fashioned game of 20 Questions about something we see in the room. The bigger kids get superexcited and can't wait until it's their turn to pick an item. The babies are with us too, playing with toys that we put on the floor in front of them. Because you have to focus on what's immediately around you, your mind really can't wander and there are no distractions. With work, TV, e-mails, cell phones, and homework put aside, I find that I'm right there in the moment with all of my children enjoying quality time." —Tiffany Petrossi, 35, San Jose, CA; mom to Gabriella, 10, Liam, 7, and Aidan and Lily, both 1

Strike a (Yoga) Pose
"On days when the weather doesn't cooperate, I do yoga with my daughter in our basement. She chooses the poses, which are always animal-related. Our favorites are the Camel pose, the Dead Bug pose, and the Butterfly pose. She is infinitely more flexible than I am, but she has less patience, so we are a balanced team. The only problem we run into is when our dogs try to join in — our 'session' ends up erupting into silliness instead of calm!" —Mary Talalay, 43, Baltimore; mom to Miriam, 5

Change the Scenery
"A couple times each month, I pick up my son from school and head to Starbucks, where we meet my husband for a delicious drink, a treat, and a round of Uno, one of my favorite childhood games. Spending time in a different environment gets us out of our 'home routine' and always creates lots of interesting conversation and laughter, which always brings us closer. We usually stay for 45 minutes, and by the time we leave, I feel completely tuned in to both of them." —Dianne Sikel, 39, Phoenix; mom to Adam, 9

Share the Love
"During dinner we share one thing that we love about each other. Recently, my youngest daughter said to me, 'Mom, I love how you live in the moment and how you always take care of me and listen to me.' I said to her, 'I love how sensitive you are, how easily you talk about your feelings, and how you're so grateful for everything I do for you. You always say thank you and that makes me feel really good inside.' Everyone takes a turn, and by the end of all our affirmations, we each feel loved, appreciated, and connected." —Lauren Miller, 41, Highlands Ranch, CO; mom to Kaylin, 16, John, 13, and Kimberly, 10