Sunday, October 31, 2010

Today marks the 2 year anniversary for the day the man of my dreams got on his knee and asked me to marry him. The day I got engaged was surrounded with the mist of a deployment just waiting to happen. I had just arrived in Ft Hood Texas to see O off to Iraq. He had just gotten out of basic and was starting to settle in to his first army base. He was a brand new private and I was just getting use to my boyfriend living across the United States.

During the week we found out he was leaving the following weekend on his 1st deployment. With just getting home from a weekend away in Texas I didn't know if I would make it to see him off, but something told me I had to do find away. The day before he left I hopped on a plane at JKF not knowing what was going to happen in the months that followed. After a 6 hour plan I arrived in Killeen and he was waiting for me with the his infamous smile on. I didn't know how to act the whole day and I was on the verge of tears every time he looked at me. Filled with a thousand emotions it was finally time for us to see him off. My mother-in-law and I gathered with the rest of the families in the gym near his troop to see the boys off.

After sitting there for almost an hour, O had came from behind and had asked me what I was doing. I couldn't help but just smile at him. His buddy yelled at him and told him he had forgotten something which brought everyones attention towards us in the gym. I looked back and saw a small box in his hand. Before iI knew it O was on his knee and I couldn't believe what was happening. I asked him if he was serious over several times and well now you can watch the rest....

An hour later I saw him get on a bus and he was off to Iraq. I was lucky the deployment only lasted 4 months. He was home before his 21st birthday and we got married by the justice of the peace on May 24th 2009. This year coming up we will be celebrating our to 2 year anniversary.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Honestly I cant stand people I hate when they lie. I hate when people say one thing and do another. I hate when I'm told not to do something but the other person dose it. I hate when people claim that they miss and love him .. but they never show it. i hate when its time to hang up and when its time to go to sleep because i know he wont be there when i wake up. i hate how he makes me feel sometimes like I'm the bad person. i hate feeling useless and i hate not knowing . i hate when people think I'm crazy and i hate when i think I'm crazy. i hate when people ask how do you do it ? like he's going to die some day. i hate when people look at me like i cant believe she's isn't about to fall apart.. because deep down inside i am ... i really just hate everything that surrounds me now at days. i really do sometimes i wish i could wake up back in Texas and this never happened. i want my life back i want to wake up next toe him . i want to be on my own again .. i don't want to have to answer to a ton of people .. i don't want a second of joy to feel like I'm committing a crime .... fuck you deployment!!!

Monday, October 25, 2010

I've been a little blue for the last two days due to the fact O hasn't called. It seems as though I'm not the only one who hasn't had a phone call. All the wives i've spoke to believe the internet is down on the base which I can believe due to the fact it was really blurry and slow when I spoke to him the other night. I spoke with the Lt.'s wife all day today trying to cheer each other up. She is such a great friend, I don't know what I would do without her. Just hoping he'll pop back up either tomorrow or by the end of the week. The little thing are what keeps me going like aim chats and quick hi convos.

Other than O not calling its one week to election day that equals lots of work and no play for me. It's been an interesting journey and its almost over. We are getting new orders from all around the country. Our biggest race is in Cali. Seems as though a lot of people want to take mr Arnold's spot. But I'm only one girl and I only have 10 fingers. I was lucky I was pre-occupied all day so it took my mind off what else was going on. I hope O's mom doesn't start asking if he's called I don't want worry her but I don't want to lie either. Dumb internet.

On a lighter not here is my color of the week pick. I stole it form Lisa's pick last week I figured something Halloweenish fits this week.

Velvet Voyeur

On an other bright note I got my nikon back aka my digital camera. Im super excited it came in so I can start taking picks again. O wants updated pics of the dogs and family and ME! lol so I'm going to be putting it to good use.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Over the last few days I have been working out like crazy, eating right, and sleeping like a little baby. I can't believe in just a week my stress level has gone down, my mood swings have slightly decreased, and I'm feeling a whole lot better. The Jillian Michaels Book I'm reading requires me to eat little amount of carbs for energy, but ll organic food. Your probably thing wow thats expensive but I fount the cutest little farmers market down the block from work that has great prices for fresh non pesticides induced foods. I'm not checking the scale till I go to the doctors on Nov. 5th aka my birthday. Great birthday gift right ").

This week we hit another mild stone in the road. On Thursday we began month 3. Two down Ten to go. Not to shabby eh. I love seeing the little thing at the bottom of my blog go down. And of course R&R is literally around the corner for us so things are really looking up. I still have my days like yesterday. I had a dream about home coming and I woke up looking for him then realized I was beck at my parents house and he was still in Iraq. I broke down before my mom woke up then went on with my daily routine. It sounds silly but felt so real "(

The week completely dragged on it seemed like it was never going to end. Especially due tot the fact they are making me work later. On the bright side I have been going in at Nine instead of Eight. Which has given me an extra hour of sleep and time to do stuff around the house for my self. Last night I took it easy and stood in with my two little cousins Ashley and Shay and Maria came over to watch the Texas vs. Yankee game. Don't get me wrong I was born and raise in Brooklyn, I LOVE NY, but I hate the yankees. I am a die heart METS fan. Like I had season tickets from my job for TWO years straight. I hate Yankee Fans and how they talk so big because the METS aren't the greatest team but they're my team <3>

Reyes n Wright <3

This week I also finalized my plans for my birthday, and I'm so stoked about them. I'm going to A.C. with my biffls Ally (who's 21st is that weekend as well) Maria, and Lisa of course. We are staying at HARRA*S and going for dinner and drinks and of course to play the slots ;).

Well as for today I got a ton of stuff done sent another few things out to Iraq. THe Big O ordered some new boots so those went out and a I sent out a package to the LT. as well. Lt.'s wife and I are good friends so and he's a big influence on O as well, so it was no biggie. O had his pledges from his fraternity get a few things for him and I sent it out. I just finished cleaning the dogs and the backyard, not to mention my mommy's kitchen. Now its time to fix my room get my stuff ready for tonight because I have a sleep over planned with my dad's side of family. Cant wait ...

I have this new found obsession with getting my nails done and then going to the other girls to see what color they got their done and compare. I feel so much better after I get my nails done. I never use to do them as regular as I do them now. My nail salon only charges $14 for a mani and pedi and around my way thats a steal.

sew psyched by Essie

This week I picked a color which I thought was gray but really turned out to be the color of my husbands Army uniform. I thought it was ugly at first but it's growing on me, and apparently it the hottest thing right now next to the girl combat boot

( P.S. also my new obsession SHOES).

So I decided i'll be also updating ya'll with my weekly manicure colors. OPI and Essie have the hottest colors right now for the fall there isn't enough weeks in the season to try them all. Lisa says I always go for the clay colors but you girls can be the judge of that.

Today I went looking for this months book club pick but instead I stumbled on Jillian Michael's book

Which is exactly what I need to kick off my 3 month diet phase before Omar's arrival. Being a yo-yo dieter since High School my metabolism isn't the metabolism of a 20 something year old. I carry most of my weight in my mid section and arms and I got an ass like woah. I'm practically done with the book but I decided to re-read it once I'm don't to take notes and lost of them. This more of a life style change than a diet. It has a ton of things I didn't know and some yummy looking recipes. Im also purchasing her work out videos which aren't as expensive as I though they would be. I can feel some results form the last few days of cutting carbs and exercising but I also need to learn how to eat for the future. I give this book a A+ for women need that push.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Tonight was my 1st book club meeting with some of the girls from my sorority and a few other girls. The book for this month was "One Day" by David Nicholls.

Oct. Book Choice.

Unfortunately I wasn't able to get my hands on the book but it was still a great conversional piece. I was still able to ad my input on relationships and what girls are truly like when the bad boy comes around.

This months book on the list will be "The Pact" by Jodi Picoult, which was Rayanne's pick.

I'm pretty excited I finally have a book club. I have always wanted a group of people who share the same interest in books as me and actually discuss them. Of course there is always the side track conversation, but it's going to be another something I get to look forward to while being back in NY.

Nov. Book Club Choice

I'm currently reading "I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb and just finished reading "She's Come Undone" by Wally Lamb as well. I love reading, its one of my favorite past times. It makes my train rides more doable and helps my vocab. I just wish it would help my spelling and grammar more. Even being an English major I have no real sense of where anything goes grammar wise nor can I spell. Till tomorrow...

Saturday, October 16, 2010

SO it looks like I'm only able to make weekly updates rather than daily. I have been so tired lately I get home and all I want to do is sleep. Even after I wake up I still want to sleep I feel like theres not enough hours in the day. Work is definitely picking up which is good. Last weekend was a fun filled weekend with weddings and birthday parties. Omar's cousin Ester got married to her long time boyfriend Chris. The wedding was held in a restaurant in Astoria Queen. I t was probably the most fun i've had in a while. His fathers family is so loving and crazy theres never a duel moment with them.

After the wedding w rush back to Omar's mothers house and headed to her best friends birthday. By the end of the night we were so pooped from dancing I passed out as soon as we got home.

The week was good but it really seemed as thoughI was having bad luck every other second. I missed my busses and train all day tuesday, split my paints on Wednesday, and miss the bus on the way home from the doctor in the poring rain on thursday. Thankfully friday came and nothing bad happened except I had a shyt load of work. I went to H&M after work and bought some new shirts the reward myself for getting through a horrible wee. That night I went Best Buy with my little cousin to buy Omar a new video game he wanted and just chat. She is truly my saving grace at the moment I can always count on her to be just there to chill with and listen. After some r&r time we went to Lauren's house to watch the Yankee Texas game and chat some more. Ash may only be 16 but she way more mature than she should be.

Now its just relaxing time I stood in all sat except for mailing out another car package that was box number 6. I swear those things are my new hobby. I started a new less carb more movement diet. I've been doing really good finally got into workout mode. I plan on working out almost everyday till R&R and then 5 times a week after. I wana be s size 5 again I'm twice that now. I don't know how i let myself go since sophomore year of high school.It's crazy how years fly by and you don't realize how your body has changed till its real late. My plan is to lose 15 by R&R (more like 20ish) then another 15-20lbs. till he gets back. My motivation is having a baby I don't wana be unhealthy before i have one because it's going to be harder to be healthy after. Wish me luck ....

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

SO this week was filled with your average work days… no biggy some paper work new orders you know the usual. I've been pretty steady at work it hasn't been to crazy. I think I have been more preoccupied with the Omar factor than anything else. I have been trying to find peace with my self and peace with other but it hasn't been happening. We had an average week of talking on the phone for at least thirty to forty mins. I know I'm completely spoiled. He cant sleep so he talks to me. I'm sure if he could sleep I wouldn't get so much attention, but I cant complain. In the past we have had several occasion where I did not get along with people in his life and visa versa. Apparently one took it upon themselves to tell him to make sure he is watching my FB closer. Apparently I am running around NY doing things I shouldn't be. It's interesting how others find time to make one miserable just to make themselves feel better. The conversation about that message was cut short because unlike many other couples we trust each other.

Thursday came and went and Friday was another issue. When Omar was growing up, he had a lot of female who consider him their best friend. I feel as though a best friend is a strong title. Not something you should throw around unless you truly are sure that person who one of your closest companions in life. My best friend is someone who has been through it all with me and hasn't left my side since day one. A person who can tell what my limits are and when something is going good or bad. Someone who I hold very close to my heart. My best friend and Omar also have their own relationship where they are able to communicate when needed. On the other hand when it comes to Omar's best "girl friends" as call themselves they take their relationships to another level which I do not agree with. I'm not say my husband is unable to have female friends, but as a married man no female should call him on a daily basis unless it's his mother. Omar is a very friendly person and I think his friendliness can be taken the wrong way. While speaking to him yesterday I asked if certain persons in question had written him and he had said no because he knew that I don't care for them, so he did not provided them with his address in Iraq. I felt bad for not letting him communicate with people that are supposed to be important in his life. So I wrote both girls and enclosed in my messages I gave them his address. One response was pleasant but the other turned into a big fight and I regretted my decision of being nice. I don't want to be the bad person and I don't like having people have the wrong impression about me. I just believe no one understands the concept of marriage and in marriage things are not as they were when you were single.

People don't always realize a friendly conversation here and there in reality doesn't make you more than just acquaintances either. The concept of being best friends is honestly in my mind is ridiculous. It may be the fact I'm being bias because I never knew these people. These people are random and have no use in my life. They come and go as they please and they like the concept of having a best friend when it's to their advantage. I have hatred toward one person in particular because she fights with me and tells me I'm wrong for not wanting my husband to talk to her. Last time I check I was married to him and not her. Who is she to me? but a spec on the world who if never existed I would have never noticed. At least I can say I tried to be nice. I tried to be civil. And I don't need another friend. I have plenty and even if I didn't she has cause so much trouble that I wouldn't go to her as my 1st choice in a new friend.

On a lighter note Omar's re-enlistment pictures are up. Finally I wish I could have been there for this life changing experience but instead I got a phone call at 330 in the morning saying he had just finish signing the paper work which will extend his contract to 8 years instead of getting out next November. We are moving to Ft Benning and I couldn't be more excited. One to get out of NY and two for new experiences with him.

Saying his oath.

Its official!

He's my best friend my husband and my heart. I honestly wouldn't know what to do with myself if anything happened to him. I wish people wouldn't be so cruel and live their own lives instead of trying to be apart of ours.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Monday was of course raining like it's been for the last few days. A girl really cant catch a break with NY weather. Everyone was walking around with their HUNTER rain boots. I want a pair so bad I almost ordered a pair but they didn't have my size.

Honestly since i've been in NY I have been more fashion conscience, if you don't look good its like a crime here. Im right now debating on dying my hair light brown or getting my highlights done. How sad is that my life has come to shoes and hair. O well lets see how the weekend goes and if I really make my wait to the hair dresser. I have Omar's cousins wedding this weekend and a birthday party so I must look somewhat presentable.

Today was ok… I spoke to Omar for a bit and got some new pictures of him from a friend.

Omar and Stg. Zelbtz

Omar's has this presence about him, that even in the worst situation he can still brighten up the room. His personality is one of the 1st things that attracted me to him. He makes me smile when I'm mad, laugh when I'm sad, and feel giddy even when I miss him so much it hurts. I'm thankful everyday we speak because I know its just another day closer till I can touch him. I long just a hug. I ask him all the time "coming ova"? Because all I want is a hug and then he can go back to where ever the world needs him. I can accept what he dose because I know he has a job to do, and that job in the long run might save a little boy from growing up and not have to live in fear or live with hate.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This weekend was more relaxing than every. Friday night I went to Target with my mother and Lisa, and bought Omar the best care package yet. I spent just $100 and got him almost everything on the list that he said he needed. Target was having a sale on sheets so I got him two sets and then I got also got him a complete bed set for his room due to the fact he doesn't like the one which was provided to him and he's just as picky as I am.

I sent him a ton of snacks which included some of his favorites like Pringles and Moon pies. Also hygiene essentials because he never has time to shop at the PX for stuff like that. I was very happy I didn't go over my limit and was able to send him two huge boxes. I know he loves receiving mail and it keeps his sprits high. It also gives us both something to look forward to. On and even brighter note the post office once again didn't charge me to send them either which is always an A+ in my book.

Saturday I actually cleaned up the dog's area and the back yard because they have destroyed it with their daily activities. While I was cleaning my friend Laura saw me in the back yard and came over to see me. I was so happy to see her. She has been dancing frequently and is also attending school to be a Physical Therapist. (She already has her BA in Dance Studies.) Im so proud of her because she is living her dream, and not many people our age can say that. She has been determined to make it as a dancer and has succeeded at her goal even with all the obstacles at hand.

Laura in action <3>

After Brooklyn, Harlem and myself visited with Laura, I did some laundry and cleaned up my room. It was destroyed form the week's "getting ready for work tornado" that comes through every morning. You would think I would prepare myself clothing the night before but I will never learn. Well, anyway later on in the evening I went to see Maria and picked up Alison on the way. I have been visiting frequently with Maria and Alison, I actually can count on them to be there for some sanity time every saturday. My big sister in the sorority Samantha, as usual showed up towards the end of the night which is alway nice. Our agenda for the night included watching the Blind side (cute movie), ate Chinese, and of course planned out trip to Boston. We decided Nov 5th (which is my actual Birthday) is the day we leave to see Rebecca. Im actually really excited to see her mostly, AND PLUS it's always an adventure to travel with Alison.

Today I took it easy and slept in late. I spoke to Omar for a little through Skype but had to cut the convo short because I promised my mother we would get our nails done (I love my new color bTdubs). Afterward I visited with my mother and sister-in-law and ate more Chinese "). We all spoke to Omar through Skype and it was so nice to see him with them there. He made us all laugh and I couldn't help but tear up. I didn't let anyone see of course but with very conversation we have I cant help but to miss him more. Month two is slowly coming to an end, but I still can't help but want the time to go even faster. It dose seem like yesterday he left but my selfish ways are never satisfied.

P.S. Tomorrow I have an interview for that big position I've been writing about wish me luck ...

WhO i Am

Don't question my character nor should you ever question my choices in life. I've gotten this far in life with out input from others. I'm everything i want to be and more. I speak my mind and i fear nothing but fear its self. I'm happy but broken at the same time. I'm hot n cold.. and right now nothing matter but his safety. Sometimes i get lost within this complicated world, but thats life.