Successful Retirement -- A Matter Of Attitude

May 17, 1985|By Elizabeth Maupin of The Sentinel Staff

The story is familiar. The man works hard at his job for 40 years and is proud of the work he has done. At 65 he retires. Suddenly the man has nothing to do and nowhere to go. Within a few months it seems that his reason for living is gone.

Retirement -- a time that many people look forward to for most of their adult lives -- still catches all too many people off guard. Those who have not prepared for it, both financially and emotionally, find themselves caught in a limbo they do not understand. For some of them, it is too late to try to start catching up.

''For some people the time of retirement can be a real blessing, but for some it's a time of uncertainty,'' said Judy Watt, a retirement planner in Hermosa Beach, Calif. ''All of a sudden there's no one telling you what time to get up, what to

wear and what to do.''

Said Gloria Jacobs, a retirement counselor for Walt Disney World employees: ''For most of them, it's like stepping

into a new job. It's a new venture, and it's a little traumatic.''

Joe Lathrop tells a story about someone who had been a well-paid businessman. When he retired, he had enough money to keep two houses, one in Florida and one up North, and the leisure time to enjoy all the comforts he had worked many years to acquire.

''But it wasn't enough,'' said Lathrop, a mental health counselor in Winter Park. ''What I saw him doing was trying to replace work with retirement. It's not that easy. This person was a powerful executive. Now he's making decisions about where to go eat and what golf course to play on.''

The problem is that many people do not want to think about their retirement before it comes, and by then it's often too late to change their ways. Some envision retirement as an easy transition from work to play; for others, the years after 65 seem all too close to death.

''There are two sure ways to lose our readers,'' said Lorena Fletcher Farrell, executing editor of Dynamic Years, a magazine aimed at those between 45 and 65. ''One is to say 'You are middle-aged' and one is to say 'You are going to retire in 10 years.' ''

Too many define themselves by their jobs, retirement planners say; when that job is gone, all else goes along.

''Many persons are unable to separate their reason for living from their reason for working,'' Watt said. ''The first thing you say when you meet somebody is your name, and the second thing is what you do. You have to be able to say 'I'm retired' positively, or it's demeaning.''

But seeing retirement in a completely positive way, seeing it as simple, is a mistake too.

''People see retirement as a gain,'' Lathrop said. ''I see it as a loss and a gain. What I see people doing is underestimating the impact of retirement. People don't understand that they get a lot more than money and frustration from their jobs.''

Lathrop, who also works as a management consultant to continuing care centers for older people, said that working people find many needs met in their jobs -- social interaction, structure, achievement. A successful retirement, he said, means finding a way to meet those needs in some other way.

''I see a lot of people who are over-dependent on their jobs,'' he said. ''You should diversify yourself before you retire. You should really try to realize what your job provides for you. You're going to need to get it somewhere else.''

In the case of the unhappy retired executive, Lathrop said, the man has to see himself as not only a worker but as someone who needs contact with his family and intellectual stimulation as well.

''I'm trying to get him to open up the blinders they put on race horses, to widen his vision a lot, and then to make some choices,'' Lathrop said.

Judy Watt, who conducts pre-retirement seminars for corporations on the West Coast, divides the emotions of retirement into distinct phases: a honeymoon stage; a disenchanted stage, when people become bored, depressed or ill or even die; a reorientation phase, when they fill their new-found time with other things; and a stability phase. Most people go directly from honeymoon to stability, she said, and these are the ones who have no emotional problems with retirement.

''Then comes a termination phase -- either they go back to work or they die. So in my seminars we talk about death and dying. They need to be aware that it's a part of living.''

The idea that death is approaching can make decisions more difficult for those about to retire, who feel that a decision to invest in something or to sell the house and move is irrevocable.

''Many of their choices are irreversible,'' Watt said. ''They don't have time to recoup their financial losses. It's the same thing with your health. If you're overweight or not eating properly, if you wait until you're retired it could be you've waited too long.''

For that reason, retirement planners said, it is even more important to think about financial decisions well ahead of the fact.