In any event, they have mentioned this plant in the idiom because apparently some versions of it actually never bloom. Others believe it's because farmers harvest them before they get the chance to bloom (e.g to make music instruments), so it never happens. I'd love to know the equivalent idioms or expressions for this.

PS: I only know "When pigs fly" but I'm not a fan of it because the word pig sounds a bit rude to me and partly because it implies a strong impossibility which doesn't work for the #3 use.

Does the reed actually bloom on occasion? Because if it doesn't, When pigs fly is very apt. Hell will never freeze over - it is an impossibility if you believe in the traditional hell - so that would equally negate that option. You stated in comments, "...for the idiom in this question, the occurrence of the event even once is very unlikely." You can dislike a reference to pigs, of course, but that doesn't mean it's not a very common (and appropriate) idiom in English.
– anongoodnurseApr 7 '16 at 17:30

1

This is confusing. Does it mean all of those things but under different circumstances? Sayings don't often have exact translations that preserve all the nuances.
– MitchApr 7 '16 at 19:05

1

@Sobhan so what is the single thing you want? An English idiom for 'never gonna happen'? For 'very unlikely to happen'? For a single idiom that can be used for both?
– MitchApr 7 '16 at 20:25

2

@Mitch, The idiom I refereed to is used in both scenarios so If there is one that can serve both, it would be awesome. Judging from the answers, English idioms have a distinct line between "never (one's opinion)" and "very unlikely". So if I have to choose I'd like an idiom that conveys "very very very unlikely". As a sidenote, #3.1 is also used commonly so if there is a separate idiom for that, I'd love to hear it.
– SobhanApr 7 '16 at 20:55

4

@Sobhan - There's a certain ambiguity in idioms - they are idioms, after all - that you're not accepting, but which is no different (apparently) from those in your own language. "When/until the cows come home" is very good. It can mean never, or, since it's not impossible that the cows will come home, rarely. You've stated in comments and updates that you want precise idioms, but you express shifting expectations after they are offered. This site is a question and answer site, not a discussion forum. Maybe what you want is a discussion about idioms?
– anongoodnurseApr 7 '16 at 21:53

Funny. I always thought the cows would actually be coming home in while. The beef cattle are probably never coming home (assuming they are being driven to the slaughterhouse), but the cows might if they actually want to be milked after being out in the pasture all day. Or at least that's how I always saw it.
– Todd WilcoxApr 7 '16 at 21:59

14

It's a common idiom in the US, but it has a different meaning from the OP's expression. It really just means "until late tonight".
– Hot LicksApr 7 '16 at 23:12

8

@HotLicks That's not the meaning I've heard. "Until the cows come home" means an indefinitely long time. It definitely doesn't mean later tonight, since the cows might never come home! Then again, maybe this is a regional thing. Maybe cows where you're from are more punctual than cows where I'm from.
– Kevin WorkmanApr 7 '16 at 23:17

5

Well, many of the people who used the expression when I was younger actually had experience with cows. They're actually quite punctual.
– Hot LicksApr 7 '16 at 23:27

5

It's important to understand that the cows come home near dusk, which is the effective end of the workday on a farm (especially Amish). If you talk about how to fix the fence until the cows come home then it's not going to get fixed today.
– Hot LicksApr 7 '16 at 23:39

+1 I think this is a (marginally) better equivalent than the accepted answer... both of them have similar meanings but this one fits more into the contexts where the original expression would be used.
– MehrdadApr 8 '16 at 6:32

2

@Mehrdad, I liked this one too a lot but the original expression is usually used humorously and the accepted answer had more humor in my opinion. And partly because this suggests a very strong impossibility, that didn't work for the #3 use.
– SobhanApr 10 '16 at 4:50

I answered with that one too, but then deleted my answer because OP specifically says that one is undesirable. :-(
– Kristina LopezApr 7 '16 at 17:50

12

I know the OP doesn't like this one, but he's wrong: there's nothing rude about it, and it is, hands down, the most common idiomatic expression for something that'll never happen.
– MarthaªApr 7 '16 at 23:02

9

@Marthaª you need to take the cultural context into account and what is associated with "pigs" in the Middle East. There it would be rude after all.
– StephieApr 8 '16 at 7:01

2

@NVZ: Martha is my real, actual name. I'm not nearly old enough to be Batman's mom (I'm about the same age as Ben Affleck), and passing off Superman as my kid, even an adopted one, would be a real stretch. And I still haven't scraped the time together to see the danged movie.
– MarthaªApr 8 '16 at 14:17

4

Didn't the OP as for an English language equivalent to when the Reed blooms, so even though there's cultural differences, it is still a valid answer!
– RemarkLimaApr 9 '16 at 8:28

To do something “once in a blue moon” is to do it very rarely: “That company puts on a good performance only once in a blue moon.” The phrase refers to the appearance of a second full moon within a calendar month, which actually happens about every thirty-two months.
dictionary.com

@Sobhan I don't know, exactly. People make such statements of impossibility all the time.
– NVZApr 7 '16 at 19:02

3

@Sobhan Because there's no such thing as a month of Sundays. Even in impossible circumstances, this is still not going to happen.
– DCShannonApr 8 '16 at 2:20

4

I always thought this was taken to mean 30-31 weeks, literally the number of Sundays to fill a month.
– punkerplunkApr 8 '16 at 4:28

8

@punkerplunk Wouldn't it be weird to take such a phrase so precisely, when it is patently not precise and could refer to 28, 29, 30, or 31 weeks? It seems so obvious to me to be a figure of speech and not intended to have this kind of precision. Like the security guard at a museum that told a visitor the dinosaur was 65,000,005 years old--since the guard had started work 5 years before, and at that time, he'd been told the dinosaur was 65,000,000 years old...
– ErikEApr 8 '16 at 15:55

For never, you could use the construct "Cartman will pay back Kyle right after << insert impossible event here >>" where the event can be improvised on the spot:

right after the sky turns pink

right after the Pope converts to Methodism

right after you bring me some milk from a bull

(things mentioned elsewhere, like pigs fly and hell freezes over)

etc.

Beware however, that this would be considered snarky or sarcastic, and may not be suitable in all company.

For rare/ long time, two common sayings are "on the fifth Monday in February" or "once in a Blue Moon." In reality, February has five Mondays about once every 28 years, and Blue Moons happen every two to three years, but in figurative terms convey an unspecified degree of rarity.

That's a very specific reference. It comes from Macbeth, and I've never heard it used in a general context.
– Mason WheelerApr 7 '16 at 17:51

6

Also, it should be noted that in Macbeth, Burnham Wood does come to Dunsinane, as the attacking army carries branches to hide their numbers.
– WillApr 7 '16 at 19:17

3

I like it. Unfortunately, this is somewhat meaningless without the irony. Burnham Wood does come to Dunsinane, and rather swiftly; within the span of one or two Acts, if I recall. This could be very useful for making an ironic remark in some situation when someone in fact thinks that something is as rare as reeds blooming, but it's obvious to you and other that it's not the case.
– KazApr 8 '16 at 18:09

"Nice repair job there. That should hold till Birnham wood comes to Dunsinane, if not longer." (The repair is shoddy and likely to fall apart in days.)
– KazApr 8 '16 at 18:29

Holy cow, there are like quite a few spellings spellings for that Forrest in the original text. Birnan, Birnane, Byrnan, Byrnam, Byrnane.
– KazApr 8 '16 at 18:34

Interestingly, on the traditional Jewish calendar this would happen once a year to keep the day of the week and date of the year in sync. It's possible this originally had a meaning closer to the OP's idiom. That being said, it's probably a localized idiom, as I've never run across it.
– MorgenApr 10 '16 at 15:46

Very interesting, I tried it couple of times and I think I get the idea. But I fear someone would take it literally (maybe because of accent). Like it would happen tomorrow for real.
– SobhanApr 8 '16 at 8:59

5

As a native speaker of American English, I don't know if I'd interpret "tomorrow" as "some indefinite time in the future", not matter how the emphasis was placed. But this does remind me of "6 to 8 weeks", which is programmer code for "yeah, we know it needs fixing, but don't hold your breath".
– MarthaªApr 8 '16 at 18:22

3

Ironic that mañana, which literally means "tomorrow", is used satirically or sarcastically to mean "'sometime in the unspecified future" — but, of course, it's not English.
– ScottApr 10 '16 at 6:20

References, please. I've seen similar in Bible, not sure about Qur'an though.
– NVZApr 10 '16 at 4:08

5

It's called ‘the eye’ of the needle, not "hole", and the proverb refers to the sheer difficulty of task at hand, or its impossibility. of completion. "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven" (or words to that effect)
– Mari-Lou AApr 10 '16 at 8:13

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