Friday 7 January 2011 19.05 EST
First published on Friday 7 January 2011 19.05 EST

Face savings

Mark Zuckerberg

The 26-year-old co-founder/thief (delete according to your proximity to the Winklevoss twins) of Facebook had a good start to the new year when it was announced that Goldman Sachs will invest $450m in the site (despite the fact that it doesn't allow its employees to use it), taking its valuation to $50bn. Yes, I don't know what the hell my 26-year-old self was doing with its time either, but clearly it could have done better.

Opinions are divided as to how much the site – which has 500 million users, and adds about 700,000 more a day, but brings in only about one 25th of its Sachsian valuation per year – is really worth. But does it matter when you have an actual $450m in the bank? Providing that's enough to allow you round-the-clock security from the wrath of Winklevoss I and II, not a jot.

Reader, I elected him

Anonymous

He, she or it is the author of a new novel that has set all of Washington – and the kind of people who get excited when all of Washington is abuzz – abuzz. O: A Presidential Novel purports to be a roman à clef penned by someone with "vast personal experience" of the president, and centres round what he needs to do to get re-elected in 2012.

The prime suspect is Joe Klein, who was unmasked as the writer of 1996's Primary Colours, about an oversexed Southern presidential candidate, whom many astute readers took to refer to Bill Clinton. He has denied authorship of O. Much like he did of Primary Colours, but let's not linger. My money's on a joint effort by Malia and Sasha. Because a Portuguese water dog never really did seem like adequate recompense.

David and Victorious

The Beckhams

Not a bad kick-off to 2011 for the Beckhams, either. Rumours swirl that David is about to join Spurs on loan from Los Angeles Galaxy, where he will be more easily available for excellent Comic Relief sketches and generally brightening the place up with his lovely face. The nation, eager to be distracted from looming interest rate, food and fuel price rises, waits with bated breath.

Meanwhile, middle son Romeo has come in at number 26 on GQ's list of best dressed men, despite being a) eight and b) um … eight. An alternative list shows him coming first of the "Most patiently indulgent of his wealthy parents' tendency to dress him in absurd designer outfits, the better to fuel their own misguided sense of self-worth".

Finally, Victoria has pledged to look happier in 2011. "I'm a positive person," she said in an interview. "[And] I always look at my miserable face and think, 'Why didn't I just smile?'"

What we've learned

This December was the coldest for 120 years

There were 11 babies born on 1.1.11 at Queen's hospital, Staffordshire

6% of UK workers called in sick on Tuesday

The world's population will be 7 billion by the end of the year

Kate Middleton will arrive at her wedding in a car and leave in a state carriage

… and what we haven't

What killed the 4,000 blackbirds that fell out of the sky over Beebe, Arkansas

What They Said

"I just need to get a bit higher …" Nigel's last words before falling from the Pargetter roof. Apart from "Aaargh!", of course.

"Everyone was so worried about who'd want to see this movie … like, how do you get guys to a ballet movie? How do you get girls to a thriller? And the answer is a lesbian scene. Everyone wants to see that." Natalie Portman unravels the mysteries of Hollywood.

"When you get close to her, you realise she's an old woman and has no idea what is going on." Charlotte Church on the Queen. Course, you should hear what Liz says about her.