My First Blog

NEXT!

I’ve never been a big fan of shopping; I think of it more like a good hunt and kill! I walk in… aim, fire and walk out; half of the time, I never even try stuff on. This concept of shopping has caused me to randomly splurge through the many stages of my life.

I remember the time I decided to shop at the new young married girl counter. I strolled up to the counter, and they were having a special on “baby boys”! The sales clerk was so good, she talked me into buying four of them! Yet, every time I would go back to the store and try to exchange or return one of them, the clerk would shake her head at me in disbelief and shame, and point up at the big neon sign over her head that read… “ALL SALES FINAL” with a little stupid clause under it: “No Exceptions!”. I now had more stresses hanging in my wardrobe then I ever imagined! I had to learn to juggle, tolerate, and even get comfortable with the discomfort of ambivalence. I was a walking zombie with bad roots, puffy eyes, and a pacifier hanging around my neck!

Years later, I decided to take another shot at this shopping. I hesitantly walked up to the menopause counter, and then suddenly forgot why I was there! I happened to notice a sign that read “HOT flash special” and it instantly reminded me of what I was shopping for! I ordered one maternity looking blouse, one mini fan for my purse, a patch, and what the heck… throw in a new husband! They bagged them all up and even loaded them in the back of my empty minivan! This crazy biological emotional rollercoaster I was on, was one wild ride of irritability, sudden cries of sadness, feelings of loneliness, anxiety and drastic mood changes! I was a walking billboard for a pharma-med disclaimer!

I finally got up enough courage to try one more stab at this shopping. I proudly walked up to the silver lining counter. I approached the sales clerk who had the audacity to smile past me and yell “NEXT!” She completely ignored me!!! I looked at her and said, “Hey lady it’s me, REMEMBER MEEEEE!! I am here to shop and would like a box of drama, that backstabber friend you have on clearance, the sleep mask that reads “not tonight jerk!” and you just keep yelling “Next”!” The lady behind me finally out of sympathy whispered, “that’s because you are in the “Next stage of life” line. I said, “what”??? She continued, “Every time someone or something irritates you, tries to control or manipulate you, you just look past them and yell “NEXT!” The ladies in line giggled and all chimed in saying their health was better, they had more fun, more independence, and they all felt they had more choice in everything from work to leisure pursuits.

Wow! This Next Stage of my like would enable me to make the kind of informed choices that would surely help me maximize my enjoyment into my next stage of life. I have a greater appreciation for God, my husband, my children, and just as importantly; my sisters! For you, I Blog… for you… I find humor!!