5 Emotions You Only Experience While Drunk

1. Complete happiness with standing outside in terrible weather.

Everyone around you is rapidly developing frostbite and shedding extremities like a freshly-cracked piñata, and you’re sipping your margarita in your bathing suit, thinking about how great it is to be alive. You can’t feel anything on your body besides the vague burn in your esophagus every time you do a shot (and, oh, how good it burns), but you’re generally taking it as a positive. You just can’t believe how much of an uptight asshole you used to be, always so concerned with petty things like basic shelter or not standing barefoot in the snow to yell at someone on your cellphone. Now, you are so much more enlightened, so in-tune with the world around you.

2. Viciously desperate hanger.

You don’t just want to eat. Eating is for the simple, for the weak. You are looking to find a…