CHRIS RICE COOPER is a newspaper writer, feature stories writer, poet, fiction writer, photographer, and painter. She maintains a blog at https://chrisricecooper.blogspot.com. She has a Bachelor's in Criminal Justice and completed all of her poetry and fiction workshops required for her Master’s in Creative Writing with a focus on poetry. She, her husband Wayne, sons Nicholas and Caleb, cats Nation and Alaska reside in the St. Louis area.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

The Five Facets Of Fatherhood by Guest Writer Steve Wickham

Five Facets of Fatherhood

By Guest Writer Steve Wickham

When a young man or
not-so-young man learns he’s going to be a father for the first time, a
transition commences, the product of which comes to some point of completion
the moment his firstborn baby gasps its virgin breath.

Suddenly things begin to
change; the concept of responsibility is borne on the mind, and the heart feels
tremulous in anticipation of the difficult and wonderful days ahead. A
courageous smile is worn on the sleeve, yet the candid man inside cannot help
but feel out of his depth.

With the passage of days
and years, as they combine and accumulate, learning creates wisdom and,
therefore, confidence; this young man was born for fatherhood after all.

But just what goes into
building the character of the father charged with the generational
responsibility of carrying forward the genome?

There are at least five
facets of fatherhood to explore:

1) Eternal Father as
model;

2) Father as guide and
teacher;

3) Father as a person
and leader;

4) Father as lover of
his family; and,

5) Father as custodian
of the generational genome.

Eternal Father as Model for Fatherhood

“When we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ it is that very Spirit
bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God...”

~Romans 8:15c-16 (NRSV).

If we cannot at first
identify with God as our “daddy” — our Abba,
Father — we cannot believe in the remaining aspects of the character of
God. From this basis, our Eternal Father, we have life.

An Image of Fatherhood All Humanity
Needs

From this basis — a
“fatherly” Eternal Father — we have bearing and derive meaning. From the
vibrant image of God the course to fatherhood is set, and the drive to complete
that course is engendered.

From this image, also,
we have the wherewithal to believe that life is good because we have a God who
loves us. Though many unbelieving kin may underestimate the value of this
perspective, it is irrefutable — by the very nature and need of family that we
all have — that God has created an indelible model for us to follow.

We were all once
children; at that time we all needed responsible parents. It is only the rogue
that never had this; never did they rely on worthy parents, for they never had
them. There are many such unfortunates in this world. Why is it that they say
they don’t need good parents (or the Eternal Father)? It is only because it hurts
to go there.

Nonetheless, we were all
born to have an intimate relationship
with our Eternal Father; the consummate Responsible Parent.

Fatherhood – Inherent to Relationship

When we consider the
innateness of intimacy between God as Father and us as his children we can see
a connection, relationally, that bears primary consideration to all of life.

As the Eternal Father is
inherently and magnanimously relational, so are we to be.

We can soon see that
there is value in being a father and a human being to be relied upon, whilst
there is little value in constantly disappointing the people who must rely on
us. We’re inextricably linked with the rest of humanity in deeply
interdependent ways.

Mimicking the Perfect Morality
of the Eternal Father

Not far from knowing the
cataclysmic difference between the morality of Divinity and that of humankind,
we still have the power in the Spirit to draw upon in our decision-making.

We are, after all,
children of the Most High God. We’re nothing less than Divinity’s kin — heirs
to eternal fortune.

These facts are good
both ways. Perfection is not required of us, yet we have opportunities every
day, indeed every moment, to reach the heights of God — our eternal model of
fatherhood.

A key motif of Proverbs
in the Bible, particularly the first nine chapters, is of a father guiding a
son to wisdom, which is the quest for moral excellence in life. No, wisdom is
not how smart we are; it’s how well we live life, the decisions we make, and
importantly how those decisions are made.

The value of fathers as
spiritual guides and teachers has never been in question.

This is not so much
about underplaying the role of the mother, for the maternal instinct has its
own separate imperative. Both mother and father are seen here playing
complementary roles.

The Respect a Father Commands

If we had fathers we
looked up to, they commanded a certain respect beyond words.

Not so much were we
fearful of them, we were transactional
around them. In this way they instituted discipline through the setting of
goals and our achievement of them. We achieved their respect when we did
tangible things. It was through these things — modes of action toward
achievement in life — that we built our relationships around.

Our worlds with our
fathers were therefore constructed in a grounded reality.

The role of teacher,
too, was basically the same; goals were set, we achieved them, and victories of
learning were celebrated.

But how did the best of
fathers achieve their results with us? It is simple. They utilized the gift of
encouragement.

Importance of Encouragement

It’s easy to motivate a
child via challenge and discipline — a more natural style for most fathers —
but a more nurturing way is found to be even more motivational.

Encouragement is the way
of patient guidance.

The greatest lesson I learned
for leading youth was: 1) always carry through with what you say
you’ll do, and 2) never get angry. If achieving the respect of our
fathers was about them ensuring we did what was asked of us, the importance of
encouragement, as an imperative for the father, is the requirement of patience
to resist anger especially when times are despairing.

Perhaps it is sad, and
it’s true as I reflect personally, that the character trait of father as
encourager goes against the default. Most fathers don’t find it an easy or
natural thing to encourage their children. Nevertheless it is vital. After all,
who else has such power with their words as a father has?

***

Establishing a balance
where there is: 1) sufficient respect commanded by the father to challenge for
achievement, and 2) sufficient encouragement to pick up the pieces for building
confidence, means a father has two key tools at his disposal for being a worthy
and loving teacher and guide.

“For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only
for the truth.”

~2 Corinthians 13:8 (NRSV).

As all people are,
fathers are persons of their own. But, they have the task of building character
for coping with the additional responsibility they bear.

What features of a
father’s character should be in sharp focus?

What would be the most
important feature?

Dedication to Truth

This is a question that
can be answered for anyone — it’s not a trait exclusive to fathers.

This number one feature
of character is dedication to truth.It’s something to aspire to.

Everything else stems
from this one. It’s not a ‘truth at all costs’ issue; truth is actually a much
higher ideal.From truth, for
example, comes the invocation to love, for relational beings cannot coexist at
peace without it.Humility, too,
comes from knowing ‘place’ — the importance of gently upholding justice and
equity in life. Truth is hence compelling. It doesn’t shift. It’s safe and
dependable.

People dedicated to the
truth see life from the truest perspective humanly possible; they’ll tend to
understand time and eternity, love and fear, empathy and courage,
differentiating wisdom from folly. They may not be expertly adept at these, but
they’re certainly on a journey toward them.

Father’s Leadership Role

Fathers are always
privileged with leadership. But it’s up to each father how he’ll discharge this
enormous responsibility.

This is a very easily
understood concept. Imagine God putting one human being in charge of a much
younger, entirely dependent, impressionable human being. There is scope for
abuse or neglect, just as there is scope for love and diligence. The father’s
character — whether, and how much, they’re dedicated to the truth — will
determine whether the former or latter is the child’s reality; whether they’re
cursed or blessed.

He may not be the
President of the United States, but by virtue of his role, God gives him
something just as important; charge over one life. Great risks at war have been
taken to save one life. God’s economy is in the realm of one life. God is not a ‘numbers’ God. Each life is equally
precious.

Fathers have a
mountainously important leadership role.It’s to become intrinsic within his personhood.

Leading Well is About Personal
Character

Given the sheer
importance of the father’s role — and connecting it with the means to do well,
which is to be dedicated to the truth — fathers are then hopefully able to see
how important personal character is in achieving the objective God gives them.

God’s mandate is very
much about molding, and continuing to mould, godly character in the father, who
is also possibly partner to a spouse, worker, leader in the community, and many
other things. It is his personal character, however, that sets him apart.

No single role is more
important than the other. A dedication to the truth will see a father through
all these.It will ensure he has a
multilateral dependence on God to underpin his person.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her...”

~Ephesians 5:25 (NRSV).

“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

~Ephesians 6:4 (NRSV).

The identity of a man’s
family is central to his own identity, no matter how much he may — if he would
— resist that thought.Identity is
a thing many men struggle with; truth be known, a lot of women and children do
too.

The family man’s
identity, kept succinct, is to be about loving
his wife/partner sacrificially, and being the consistent, stable and respectful
influence with the children and extended family.

Loving His Wife/Respecting the
Mother of His Children

There is hardly a bigger
favor a man can grant his children than to love their mother, whether he’s
married to her or not, i.e., this includes loving respect for divorced
partners; the mother of his children.

Whole volumes are spent,
of course, dissecting the enormous subject of marital love; too much to do
justice here.A picture the
Apostle Paul paints us, however, is one of husband being to the wife what
Christ is to the church.That’s to
be the husband’s aspiration — to die to himself for his wife/the mother of his
children — even though he’s bound to frequently fall short, accepting his
imperfections.

Providing Consistency for Children

As parents, when we
discharge emotionally, we’re given to exasperating our children — we’ve all
done it, but it’s an abuse of our positions of power.Instead, we’re to acknowledge the responsibility implicit in
this power, and calm our spirits, admonishing them in lovingly gentle candor.

This is practically done
by being consistent with rules and
discipline.Nothing empowers
disciplinary love in the household like a parent’s consistent instruction and
follow-up.Conversely, nothing is
more intimidating to children, in the normal flow of life, than moving
previously agreed, or poorly communicating, goalposts.

The Extended Family

It should go without
saying, but fathers must respect all extended family, though this doesn’t mean
they have to agree with everyone.

All families have their
differences and personality mismatches.Coping past these challenges is the father’s key.He’s forgiven for failing to fully
understand the values of his in-laws; acceptance without vocalizing or
criticizing these differences is, however, critical.

***

If a father can
establish a family identity rooted in love — in forms of sacrificial love for
his partner/the mother of his children, consistency of regard for his children,
and acceptance issued toward the extended family — he’ll go a long way toward
fulfilling his God-given mandate.

Steve Wickham (BSc, FSIA,
RSP [Aust], GradDipBib&Min) is an online Christian minister and freelance
author maintaining three blog sites (Epitome, ex-ceed and TRIBEWORK), posting
daily to service a diverse readership. You can find his nearly 3,000 published
articles on EzineArticles.com

His “Grow in GOD” ebook (a
chapter-by-chapter devotional on Proverbs) is available:

http://www.doctorzed.com/ebooks/nonfiction/religion/gig.html and
http://www.amazon.com/Grow-In-GOD-ebook/dp/B004S308XE/

***100% of Author Proceeds from this ebook go to Compassion
Australia to assist some of the world's poorest children***

Social Media
Links:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/stevewickhamauthor

Twitter: http://twitter.com/epitemnein

He lives in Perth, Western
Australia.

PHOTO COPYRIGHT AND DESCRIPTION INFORMATION

Photo 1. Steve Wickham. Copyright by Steve Wickham.

Photo 2. Pencil drawing of father holding baby by uknown. Fair Use Under U.S. Copyright Law.