Part of my expanded Eureka!Atlantis!Ryan Universe. Ryan was recruited from Global Dynamics, after getting a recommendation from Henry Deacon, to join the Stargate Program and go to Atlantis. He was put on Major Evan Lorne's team, which also consists of Lieutenant Laura Cadman and a Pegasus Native, Leri Ackora.

Since I can't seem to find a reference to the canon designation of Lorne's gate team, or Cadman's, I'm just arbitrarily making them AR-5.

The last one, if you tilt your head sideways and squint, is kind of Sheppard/Weir.

1. Mud

Leri stumbled through the gate, cover in what looked like purple mud and uncharacteristically giggling. "Hi!" she said cheerfully, waving wildly at Weir and Sheppard, who were watching from the balcony.

Next, Ryan came through, tugging Lorne and Cadman along behind him, the two of them covered in the same purple mud. Atwood had on gloves and was only holding their sleeves on patches with relatively little mud on them.

"They probably need the infirmary," Ryan reported with a sigh.

"What happened?" Sheppard asked, trying not to smile as Leri started to dance around the gateroom.

"Carson!" Cadman declared, yanking out of Ryan's grip as she sprinted to throw her arms around Beckett's neck.

"No!" Ryan said, releasing Lorne to leap forward and grab the back of Cadman's jacket. "You'll get him all muddy, Laura, remember how we talked about that on the walk to the gate?" he said reasonably, though it was through gritted teeth.

"Yes, we know," Ryan said. "But if you get him muddy, he'll have to go change and some other doctor will have to treat us. If he stays mud free, you can see and talk to him while he checks us out."

"Oh! Okay!" Caman said, brightening again. "I love you, too, Ryan!" she declared after a moment, hugging him. A moment later Lorne and Leri joined her and Ryan whimpered as he was covered in the mud.

"Damn it," he said, sighing once more before turning his gaze upwards to glare at a snickering Sheppard.

2. Dusted

"We'd really appreciate it if the gate room was cleared of all non-essential personell," Cadman said through the radio, a hint of laughter in her voice. "And any essential personell we can do without for the time it takes the Major and the doc to get to a transporter.

"Why, exactly?" Weir asked.

"You'll see," Cadman said, actually snickering this time. In the background, they heard a groan, followed by some muttered threats regarding cleaning the sewage system.

"Should we clear the room?" Chuck asked Weir.

"Out of all the embarassing returns AR-1 has made, we have never asked to clear the room," McKay said, arms crossed stubbornly over his chest.

"All non-essential personell, please wait in the hall," Weir said.

"I'm not going anywhere," McKay said.

"Me either," Sheppard said quickly, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Weir keyed the radio again. "We've cleared people."

"We are most greatful," Leri responded, reproach in her voice, though the background sounds of Cadman's protests showed it was aimed at her, not them.

A moment later, Cadman walked through the gate. "Someone record this, I want a copy," she said, jerking a thumb over her shoulder as Leri came through, flanked by Lorne and Ryan.

For a moment there was silence in the gateroom, then McKay snickered, which set Sheppard off, and even Weir had to hide her grin behind her hand.

The two men on the team wore long white skirts that hung low... very low... on their hips, and that they kept hiking back up, and nothing else. That, of course, allowed the glyphs painted in black onto their gold dusted skin to be visible.

"Oh my," Weird said, recognizing the glyphs for 'beautiful' and 'beloved', a few that were suggestive, and one on Ryan's stomach that was rather explicit.

"McKay is essential to running the gateroom?" Lorne said through gritted teeth as he hiked up the waist of his skirt again.

"It was essential I see what the fuss was about," McKay said, snickering again.

"I know exactly where your quarters are," Ryan said pointedly. "And I once filled a man's office with safety foam. Keep that in mind." He glanced over at Cadman, who was still laughing. "Same goes for you," he said, pointing at her, then quickly returning his hand to help the other one hold up his skirt, which set Cadman and McKay off again.

"Go to the infirmary, just in case that dust has anything in it."

"It does," Cadman said, laughing.

"It's a known aphro..." Leri began matter-of-factly, only to be cut off by Lorne and Ryan's protests. "It shouldn't be harmful," she corrected herself, even as Sheppard disappeared into Weir's office, the closing door not quite muffling his guffaw.

"Infirmary," Weir repeated. "We'll make sure the corridoors between the transporter and the Infirmary are empty," she added, gesturing towards Chuck to do so.

3. Water

"Drop the shield! Drop the shield!" Lorne yelled into his radio.

"You're clear," Weir reported back, frowning. "What's..."

Lorne and Cadman lept through the gate, followed a moment later by Leri, and then Ryan.

"Raise the shield! Raise the shield! Raise the shield!" Lorne yelled, each time getting a little louder, even as his team scrambled up the steps towards the upper level.

"Raise..." Weir began, only to cut off as a flood of water cam through the gate. The shield came up after a moment, blocking the entrance of additional water, but not doing anything to help the 3 feet of water now sitting in her gateroom. "Anyone care to explain?" Weir asked.

"We ran into a little trouble," Ryan said, leaning bonelessly against the railing halfway up the stairs. "Cadman blew up a dam."

"It was also a bridge across a really big chasm," Cadman replied. "We were far enough ahead of the people following us that I set it on a timer, but... I didn't realize just how much water it was holding back."

"It flooded right over the banks when it got halfway down the falls," Lorna said. "I think that thing was probably holding back a Lake Michigan sized amount of water."

"What in the world?" Beckett said as he arrived.

"Cadmna blew up a damn," came from at least four different sources.

"And you lot were what? Standing on top of it?" Beckett asked, beginning to look them over for injuries. "And is this from debris?" he added, probing at Ryan's bloody shoulder.

"Knife, courtesy of the people who started chasing us," Ryan corrected with a sigh. He glanced up at Weir. "Do you think I can trade teams? I keep getting hurt with them," he said, his tone more amused than genuine.

"What would they do without you, Dr. Atwood?" Weir replied with a smile.

"I've got some lemon candy," Cadman siad. "I'll give you the bag to threaten McKay with so he'll leave you alone."

"My hero," Ryan said with a grin.

4. Slow

The gate activated, Ryan's IDC was recieved after a few minutes, and Chuck signaled back that the shield was dropped, but still no one came through. Finally, just as Weir was about to order the gate shut down and a rescue team sent through, Lorne ran through the gate, looking surprised and trying to stop only to end up tripping over his own two feet and falling on his face. The same thing was repeated by Cadman and Leri. Finally, Atwood coming through, landing on the top of the pile and rolling off with a groan, blood pouring out of a wound in his side.

"We need a medteam!" Lorne yelled, his voice sounding odd, thick, like he wasn't used to talking.

"What happened?" Weir asked, hurrying down the steps.

"Anomaly..." Ryan gasped out, groaning in pain. "Slow..."

"It slowed everything down," Leri said, the first to regain her composure. "We were running for the gate as soon as it opened, before we recieved confirmation of the shield being dropped."

"How did Dr. Atwood get injured?"

"My guess is the natives are used to the time effect," Lorne said. "They shot at us."

"Our minds were moving at normal speed," Cadman said. "I kept thinking I need to turn but I couldn't until I finished whatever I had planned on doing before."

"Creepy," Ryan muttered with a sigh. "I hate this team."

5. Cheerful

AR-5 walked through the gate, chatting about Ryan's hometown and the annual Science Fair that more than once nearly destroyed the town, even once almost destroyed the world, and came face to face with a gate room full of people who looked confused.

"What?" Lorne asked, frowning.

"What happened?" Sheppard asked.

"We had a successful trade meeting?" Lorne replied. "Jacen gave us some seeds for Gola trees, he suggested we make contact with the Njinn for other trade materials. It was a good meeting."

"Nothing blew up?" Shepard asked.

"No..."

"No one got kidnapped for a harem or covered in psychotropic mud or trapped in a time dialation anomaly?" Sheppard asked.

"Or ran through a mine field?" McKay put in.

"Or got moved out of phase?"

"You weren't chased by Zombies?"

"Captured by Genni or Replicators?"

"You people are hilarious," Ryan muttered.

"A few missions go bad and everyone expects the worst," Cadman agreed, shaking her head in reproach as they headed for towards the Infirmary for their post-mission check up.

As they filed out, going back to their previous conversation, everyone looked after them in shock.

"I guess we're back in the 'disaster team' running," McKay said with resignation.

Weir closed her eyes and sighed. "Please tell me that's a joke and no one is actually holding a competition?" she asked.

"You want the truth, or a lie?" Sheppard asked as they turned towards her office.

"Whichever won't send me hunting down whoever is running the competition," Weir said with a smirk.

"We would never hold a competition based on who gets in the most trouble," Sheppard assured.

"Who's winning?"

"AR-1 and AR-5 are neck and neck."

"Should I root for you or not?"

"Not is probably safer for our health, but if we win, we get a year's supply of coffee."

"If you promise to share, I'll send you on enough minorly disasterous missions in the making,and them on enough boring mission, to put you ahead of the game."

"Deal."

The End

#1 - MudI actually had a version of this one written for a while. Ryan is the only one that managed NOT to get covered in the Goofy Mud, and therefore he had to force the other three to focus enough to get back to the gate. Except thanks to the hug, he ends up completely stoned on the mud and hilarity ensues...

#2 - DustedThe world was Matriarchal and it was assumed Ryan and Lorne were Cadman and Leri's slaves... specifically, since they're both so good looking, they assumed they were... ahem... pleasure slaves... And they were decorated accordingly, while Cadman and Leri worried about their safety and negotiated to get them back, only to wind up, especially on Cadman's part, thinking it was funny as hell. Leri's a bit more kind about it... Cadman's never gonna let them live it down, though.

#3 - WaterCadman's love of explosives would HAVE to get them in trouble sometime! And I so picture them made dash to the gate once they realized, and the scrambling up the stairs in the gateroom, and of course poor Ryan got hurt AGAIN... I swear, his team is out to get him... lol

#4 - SlowI don't know, I liked the idea. Initially, I had them say it was a blackhole in proximity to the planet, but then I remembered that when that happened on SG-1, the gate refused to close and there was this huge issue involving dropping a nuke into the wormhole to get it to close... so instead, a localized time anomaly that our poor heroes were trapped in, but wasn't strong enough to cause any gate related problems... except for the amount of time it took for them to get to the gate and through it... and the idea of them all falling flat on their faces in a big pile... with poor, once again, injured Ryan coming through last... and Cadman's offer of Lemon Candy as a "I'm sorry I let you get hurt... Again..." peace offering... aww.... lol

#5 - CheerfulAfter those other disasters (and those chronicled in 5 Times Ryan Atwood's Life In Eureka Saved His Ass On Atlantis), I figured people would come to expect disaster from AR-5, and since, in my mind, Jacen Ackora (leader of his people, also Leri's brother) kinda has a rep for causing problems for Atlantis, though never intentionally.... he first met them when he kidnapped Beckett at gunpoint to use him as a human shield during a prison break (he was wrongly inprisoned as a 'terrorist' though! Really he was a freedom fighter trying to save his people from being massacred by his captors)... Sheppard likes Jacen, McKay hates him, everytime Atlantis has contact with Jacen, something goes wrong. But not this time! So it was surprising that things went well...