EDITOR’S NOTES: Seven tips for the groom

Saturday

Jan 13, 2018 at 1:00 PM

Tip number one for the groom:

Scott C. Smith scsmith@wickedlocal.com @scsmithreporter

Tip number one for the groom: Shave slowly and carefully the week leading up to your nuptials. A nasty nick can take days to not remain incredibly obvious to everyone but yourself – except for when you look in the mirror, and then you’ll become ultra self conscious. There is some stuff in a tube that expedites healing, in case you do nick yourself. I used it all up in three days. I think I overdid.

Tip number two for the groom: If you do nick yourself shaving in the days leading up to your nuptials and you do use that stuff in a tube to expedite the nick’s healing, don’t use too much of it or your face will become prunish in that localized area.

Tip number three for the groom: If you do nick yourself shaving in the days leading up to your nuptials and you do use that stuff in a tube to expedite the nick’s healing, and you do use too much of it so that your face becomes prunish in that localized area, be sure to use a lot of the special face lotion in a tube guaranteed to soothe the prunish spot. There is no such thing as too much until your wedding day.

Tip number four for the groom: If you write your own wedding vow, practice it five times a day for the week leading up to your nuptials so that you can smoothly and coolly recite it from memory, and you will come across to your bride and all your guests as utterly cool.

Tip number five for the groom: If you write your own wedding vow, even if you practice it five times a day for the week leading up to your nuptials so that you can smoothly and coolly recite it without reading so that you will come across to your bride and all your guests as utterly cool, you are nevertheless guaranteed to go entirely blank just as you are queued to recite your vow, so be sure to have a typed copy in your jacket pocket to deftly pull out in a moment’s notice.

Tip number six for the groom: If you write your own wedding vow, even if you practice it five times a day for the week leading up to your nuptials so that you can smoothly and coolly recite it without reading so that you will come across to your bride and all your guests as utterly cool, you are nevertheless guaranteed to go entirely blank just as you are queued to recite your vow, so be sure to have a typed copy in your jacket pocket to deftly pull out in a moment’s notice. (Yes, tip number six for the groom is a repeat of tip number 5, because it’s really, really important for all grooms out there who truly believe they can at least intuit the vow and capture its essence, even though they have gone largely blank at that moment.)

Tip number seven for the groom: If you write your own wedding vow, and even if you practice it five times a day for the week leading up to your nuptials so that you can smoothly and coolly recite it without reading so that you will come across to your bride and all your guests as utterly cool, and you go entirely blank just as you are queued to recite your vows, be sure to have a typed copy in your jacket pocket to deftly pull out in a moment’s notice, and that it is printed in 20 point type. You don’t want to have to stop and pull out your glasses and interrupt the flow.

However, the bride may always use her glasses to read her vow, so be sure they are in your coat pocket along with yours, because, of course, the bride can not possibly hide a pair of glasses in her beautiful dress or gown, while it’s OK for the groom to walk around with a double lump in his coat pocket. And remember that while the bride can accept her glasses from you to read her vow and come across adorably in doing so, the only way you can come across at all cool in pulling out your own glasses is to have a self-deprecating quip and lingering smirky look to the audience at the ready.

And, yes, I nicked my face shaving three days before the event, and, yes, it healed just in time for it to not look utterly obvious, and, yes, I knew my marriage vow perfectly up until the day of our wedding, when, yes, I went totally blank, and, yes, I handed Leigh her glasses and she looked utterly adorable as she read her vow to me with them on, and, yes, I incredibly intelligently printed my vow in 20 point type so I could read it without glasses (self-deprecating quip and lingering smirky look to the audience used anyway), and, yes, I could recite it verbatim today without blinking, but, no, that day I could barely breathe, never mind actually recite anything from memory. And at the moment when she walked into the room on her son’s arm….well, I gasped….and all I could think was, wow. I don’t know how I remained standing.

My fiancé, Leigh Barton Lench, became my wife on New Year’s Eve. I am bubbly proud that she chose to take my name. She is now Leigh Barton Smith. Never a more beautiful bride. Never a more happy couple. Never a more wonderful new year.

And now tips for the husband: Be truly grateful for her every day; tell her you love her every day; and make her especially proud, each and every day, that she took your name.

Scott C. Smith is GateHouse Media’s senior managing editor and regional director of multimedia based in the Plymouth newsroom. Email scsmith@wickedlocal.com and follow him on Twitter @scsmithreporter.

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