Have A Laugh On Me. Please.

You know what’s funny? No? Neither does Dan. He is by far my toughest audience. He tends to sit quietly while I laugh at my own jokes. How pathetic does that make me?

My millions (upon millions) of adoring fans find me very funny, and quick with the one-liners. But Dan? Nothing. So I prompt him, “Did you hear me? I just said something funny, ” to which he says “Oh.”

Recently I was watching nonsense on TV as usual and a show came on called World’s Best Log Cabins or something. I was of course immediately spellbound. I said “Well it’s about time someone made a show about log cabins. I knew something was missing in my life.” And Dan said “ ” Later in the show we learned that a fully complete log cabin could be fabricated and then shipped out across the country. I made a ding-dong doorbell noise and said “honey, our house is here!” Nope, nothing. My world famous Mike Tyson impression? Nothing.

I get a little desperate sometimes. Recently I grabbed Jack‘s paws and made it look as if he was driving a car and sang the Toonces, The Driving Cat theme song. I was cracking myself up, Jack was outraged and Dan gave us an almost half-smile.

I went so far as to do the catwalk in a hospital gown with high heels, lots of jewelry and a genuine supermodel look that said “I’m grumpy because I haven’t eaten anything but lettuce since 1996,” right before surgery, mind you. Seriously, I brought props to the hospital. The nurses thought it was hysterical right before they told me to cool it. Dan smiled. Not like a huge smile, but it was something.

And it’s not like Dan doesn’t have a great sense of humor. He laughs at other stuff, and is actually very witty. He doesn’t talk a lot, but when he does it’s not unusual for him to slip in something hilarious. And I always, always laugh when he says something funny. I never leave him just standing there waiting for a laugh. Just sayin’.