I had one experience with a not-exactly-guest, since I wasn't hosting, but I did plan the trip.

I won a $50 gift card to a clothing store (CS) in a raffle. Now, I don't usually go to CS, but one of my friends, who happened to be pretty broke at the time, *loves* shopping there. So, I figured, she can come visit, we'll hang out, blow the gift card together and have some lunch. A fun girl's outing, right? Not so much.

A few days before our outing, Friend called me. "Um, MutualFriend has been talking about needing to go to CS to pick up a couple things. Maybe she could come along with us, since her car's broken?" I said if she wanted to come along, that was fine with me, I was just looking for some girl time. The next day, Friend called back. "Well, MutualFriend doesn't want to drive out to your house. She doesn't have much money, and she feels guilty not paying me for gas. Also, instead of Friday, she wants to go Saturday. Can you just drive out here on Saturday, and we can go to the CS near us?" (An extra forty minutes away)

I put my foot down, politely, and told her that if she and MutualFriend wanted to have their own outing, they could do it, but I was going to the CS near me to spend my gift card, on Friday. MutualFriend backed down, and that Friday afternoon they both showed up at my door. MF pouted the entire time. She groused about how expensive gas was while I drove us to the plaza that had CS in it, despite having to do no driving for the entire trip. We got to CS, and she stood in the entrance, fidgeting and shifting. I said I just had one thing I wanted to look for, so if Friend and MF wanted to look around for what they needed, go ahead, and we could use the rest of the gift card up that way. MF looked at Friend and declared "I really don't like this store. Nothing here fits us anyway. I ACTUALLY needed to go to OtherStore." (For the record, they're both petite. I'm an average height, and CS does carry petite clothes). So, Friend and MF both stood in the corner near the registers while I wandered around the store we had supposedly expressly come out to visit. I asked Friend if there was anything she needed, and she just sort of shrugged sadly.

After I made my purchase, MF practically power-walked out of the store and down the sidewalk to OtherStore, where she spent almost a half hour picking out random swimsuits, blouses and shoes and complaining that nothing fit or looked nice, and if it did, it was too expensive. When she did find something she liked, I pretended not to notice the expectant look on her face as she declared she wished she could buy it. (hint hint) I didn't bite, and she decided nothing in OtherStore was really her style anyway.

After that, I suggested we hit a little accessories shop (like a Hot Topic) that I knew Friend loved. We looked around for about ten minutes before MF declared that she was bored, "wasn't a jewelry person anyway" and was going to wait outside. I let her go, since I was trying to get Friend to say she liked something so I could remember that for Christmas. MF pouted on a bench outside, and Friend got so anxious that MF wasn't having a good time, I decided it was about time to go home before I said something unfortunate.

When we left, MF was complaining about being hungry, but didn't want to go there, or there, or there, or there, because she was broke. I made an executive decision and pulled in to a fast food line, declaring that it was my treat. All of a sudden, she was cheerful again, happily ordering an expensive combo with an extra shake. I bought lunch, took them both back to their car, and decided that MF was going to be downgraded to MutualAcquaintance and not invited anywhere ever again. Apparently she decided the same thing, since I haven't heard from her since.

While MF's actions were bad, your close friend's actions weren't OK either. It started with how MF found out about the trip and somehow got the impression she was supposed to be included in your gift card. Maybe your friend said, "Oh, Seraphia is going to take me shopping, her treat, with a gift card she won!" and all MF heard was, "Her treat, free money!" Close friend shouldn't have told MF about an outing she wasn't invited to.

Then close friend includes MF in the outing and then seems more worried about MF's convenience in setting up the date and transportation arrangements than your convenience- when you're the one driving and paying. Good for you, for putting your foot down. But why is close friend putting MF's needs ahead of yours, because she seems "sensitive and harder to please?"

And then close friend lets MF set the shopping agenda and the lunch agenda? And she's so wrapped up in whether MF is having a good time that your time with her is pretty much shot. I think you need to talk to this friend about her need to please MF and why MF won't be included in future outings.

When I was a little kid, I had a 5th birthday party. My mum invited all the local kids to it. It went great until it came to me blowing out the candles.

One little boy waited until the second I was due to blow them out, huffed and puffed out all the candles for me. His mother just sat there and watched, saying nothing! When all the rest of us were eating said cake, the same little boy started tearing bits off and throwing it. Fortunately there was a plastic sheet on the carpet in case of spillages so there was no real mess. He picked up sandwiches and had a bite out of them before returning them to the plate. We were all 5, and us "good kids" just sat and stared at this little hellion who clearly had no idea how to behave! Oh yeah, and he pushed me (the birthday girl) off a chair when we were playing "Musical Chairs".

My mum and dad both said something to his parents when it came to them leaving, As far as I recall that boy was never invited to another party.

Logged

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

After that, I suggested we hit a little accessories shop (like a Hot Topic) that I knew Friend loved. We looked around for about ten minutes before MF declared that she was bored, "wasn't a jewelry person anyway" and was going to wait outside. I let her go, since I was trying to get Friend to say she liked something so I could remember that for Christmas. MF pouted on a bench outside, and Friend got so anxious that MF wasn't having a good time, I decided it was about time to go home before I said something unfortunate.

It seems like your friend wasn't worried about you having a good time. Has Friend apologized? She was rude for trying to change plans and inviting MF along without discussing it with you. MF also seemed to have the idea that things purchased on the trip would be your treat, I wonder where she got that idea.

After that, I suggested we hit a little accessories shop (like a Hot Topic) that I knew Friend loved. We looked around for about ten minutes before MF declared that she was bored, "wasn't a jewelry person anyway" and was going to wait outside. I let her go, since I was trying to get Friend to say she liked something so I could remember that for Christmas. MF pouted on a bench outside, and Friend got so anxious that MF wasn't having a good time, I decided it was about time to go home before I said something unfortunate.

It seems like your friend wasn't worried about you having a good time. Has Friend apologized? She was rude for trying to change plans and inviting MF along without discussing it with you. MF also seemed to have the idea that things purchased on the trip would be your treat, I wonder where she got that idea.

Friend is an extreme people-pleaser, and while I love her to pieces, I know that's one of her weak points. I'd imagine that what happened was a combination of miscommunication and advantage-taking. I wouldn't be at all surprised if MF had asked Friend about her weekend plans, then tried to jump on board when there were free things to be had. MF shanghaied her into working herself to pieces as MoH for her wedding - organizing, catering, setting up and tearing down her shower, doing all the bouquets and boutonnieres, helping her with all the shopping, doing her hair and who knows what else. She probably figured that since Friend didn't mind all that "helping" I certainly wouldn't bat an eyelash at paying for some portion of her honeymoon wardrobe. She got pretty snippy when I showed no signs of getting out my wallet.

I do think she gets it. She asked how I'd liked MF's wedding, to which I wasn't invited. I said honestly that I had heard hide nor hair from MF since the unfortunate trip, and she blushed and said she wasn't surprised.

My ex's uncle was quite a piece of work. He was in his 40s and for some reason was always hanging out at our apartment.

I came home from work one day to find him there, hanging out with my ex. First, he insisted I unplug and turn away my webcam, as he was sure I was using it to spy on him. (HOW?? I'm RIGHT HERE!!) Then he kept hinting, with less and less subtlety every time, that he was getting hungry, finally just pointedly looking at me and saying, "So, when's dinner?" I hadn't planned on making anything just then, nor had I planned on feeding him at all, since he was an uninvited 'guest', but I threw a frozen pizza in the oven, figuring it'd feed the guys and I could reheat any leftover if I decided I wanted some later. It was a thin-crust type pizza. When it came out of the oven, Uncle complained loudly, "Oh I HATE thin crust! Deep dish is the only pizza there is! You'd better make something else, since I'm a guest and all." WHAT??

Then he lit up a cigarette right in the middle of the living room. Thinking maybe my ex hadn't told him it was a non-smoking building (plus, even if it wasn't, who does that without asking??) I said, "Jason, you can't smoke in here." His reply? "It's a private residence and the law says I can!" That was it for me. I snapped, "I don't care what the law says, I'M telling you this is MY home and you cannot smoke in here. Either go outside, have a smoke and come back in, or go outside, have a smoke and don't come back. I don't care. Either way, you are NOT smoking in here!"

He seemed affronted that I would speak so rudely to a "guest" but at that point I was simply at the end of my rope and it was pretty clear that my ex wasn't about to spontaneously generate a spine of his own.

My mother is NOT invited to my place, and she doesn't accept that but its my place my rules.

At my first apartment, she and my dad would stay with me a few days & I'd take them places as it was a few hours from them. She was very picky regarding how clean things were or not. I am not the world's best housekeeper nor the worst. She would clean certain things and areas then later remind me how bad things were. She also liked to snoop around in my stuff too.

My father on the other hand says nothing if things are not perfect. He is very grateful. He is a good guest. He knows he is welcome.

My mother is NOT invited to my place, and she doesn't accept that but its my place my rules.

At my first apartment, she and my dad would stay with me a few days & I'd take them places as it was a few hours from them. She was very picky regarding how clean things were or not. I am not the world's best housekeeper nor the worst. She would clean certain things and areas then later remind me how bad things were. She also liked to snoop around in my stuff too.

My father on the other hand says nothing if things are not perfect. He is very grateful. He is a good guest. He knows he is welcome.

I am this close to doing that to my mother. Really, really close. Unfortunately she thinks housework is more important than spending time with my beautiful son. No, no, it's really not. Our home is not dirty. It is not unhygienic. It is simply a house with a baby in it.

My mother snoops. I would never allow my mother in my house without me. My father? Of course I would. Mum has snooped and found personal bank statements (I now have it all online so she cannot do that). She has found photos of me in drawers. She has found personal information sent to me, addressed to me. Not on. Just not on.

She's on her last warning and knows it.

Well done for having the nerve to do that!!

Logged

Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

My mother is NOT invited to my place, and she doesn't accept that but its my place my rules.

At my first apartment, she and my dad would stay with me a few days & I'd take them places as it was a few hours from them. She was very picky regarding how clean things were or not. I am not the world's best housekeeper nor the worst. She would clean certain things and areas then later remind me how bad things were. She also liked to snoop around in my stuff too.

My father on the other hand says nothing if things are not perfect. He is very grateful. He is a good guest. He knows he is welcome.

I am this close to doing that to my mother. Really, really close. Unfortunately she thinks housework is more important than spending time with my beautiful son. No, no, it's really not. Our home is not dirty. It is not unhygienic. It is simply a house with a baby in it.

My mother snoops. I would never allow my mother in my house without me. My father? Of course I would. Mum has snooped and found personal bank statements (I now have it all online so she cannot do that). She has found photos of me in drawers. She has found personal information sent to me, addressed to me. Not on. Just not on.

She's on her last warning and knows it.

Well done for having the nerve to do that!!

My mother is not allowed in my place - I've never said that outright, but she seems to know.

She does clean and snoop, but it is the way she does it that gets me. She's like a toddler. I can't tell her not to touch, I have to grab things away from her if I don't want them broken or moved.

Hollanda - it gets much easier once you have put your foot down. it isn't "Behave or you are out" and an argument about who did what and why you have that rule and why she broke it. It is just NO.

Logged

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

One of the perks of having my parents out of my life is not having to hear their constant criticisms of how I keep house, what I have in my house, how I decorate, etc.

Both DH and I have our obsessions. He loves anime and My Little Pony, I love Pirates of the Caribbean and on a slightly less intense level, Harry Potter. Before we moved both of us had collector's items from his favorite anime series and Pirates. DH bought me a pirate flag and a replica of Jack's sword on two separate Christmases, and I have two action figures of Jack and Captain Teague that I bought for myself.

"That's immature to have dolls around!" "They're not dolls, they are collectible action figures""Please, that's like calling a janitor a sanitation engineer! Why would you have that where everyone could see it?""Because we don't care what people think.""No wonder neither of you have many friends."

When I got the pirate flag, they were absolutely horrified that I even thought of hanging it outside and tried to forbid it. "No, hang it in your basement, on the wall, fewer people will see it that way!" We hung it on our backyard fence.

I still have it but DH refuses to hang it on our front porch only because we also have an American flag hanging there and he won't hang it next to the American flag.

In talking to my brother once, he agreed our parent's ideas of how clean my house should be was unrealistic. Brother and I are 8 years apart in age and while he was a bit of a handful as a toddler, mom had my help during the summer, weekends and holidays so she could keep the house clean and she belonged to a babysitting co-op so that she could ask someone to watch him during the day so she could clean and I believe they had a maid come in once every 2 weeks.

They didn't quite get that having two very active boys18 months apart, no babysitting co-op or maids made it harder for me to keep up the house to their standards than it was for my mother.

I did however find a note in my baby book that mom taped to the door once saying "Warning: house is booby trapped with peanut butter and jelly". Proof that my mother wasn't always uptight about a clean house and had a sense of humor about such things. I always reminded her of that once I had kids and she would say "You shouldn't let him make a mess like that!"

"Well it's a lot easier to clean up after than peanut butter and jelly!"

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Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

My cousin took it upon himself to reach over to hit her in the face, saying, "Sometimes you just have to smack a dog to let it know not to bite." I have fairly good reflexes, and was able to block his hand. I picked her up, said, "Do not touch her," and walked into the other room to calm down.

Wow! I am so glad you were able to stop him! ARG!

POD

I have a mouthy puppy too(well, she's about a year old. the vet estimated her to have been born between Feb and April 2011, so we split the diffrence and decided her birthday is St Patrick's day. I told her to tell me if that was wrong and she didn't say anything...) If someone it her I would be one ticked (bad word). She is very shy and cowed down. (we think she was abused) and if someone undid the months of work we've put in to get her to accept human loves, I would probably have to hurt them. "Sometimes you have to smack an idiot to let it know not to TOUCH OUR DOGS."

Even my brother, who uses a lot of force on his dogs(rough play and flipping them onto their backs as disipline) does not use force on my dogs. He has agreed to occasionally feed them treats though, just so they know he's allowed to enter the house.

I made a thread on this guy a long time ago. While he didn't get the kick, if I had a spine, he would have.

In short, this guy was a friend of my BF's who I met some years ago, back when he invited me to play video games with his friends. Now, we were okay for so many years, and had a great time as one group, but a couple years ago, one left and moved to pursue his life's ream. This is fair, but this also changed the small group's dynamics a fair bit, and showed the guy who moved away had been keeping some of Story Guy's behavior in line.

The Story Guy we invited over to our hour some couple years ago-- it was a big day for Halo fans, They regularly held special events on 7/7, especially in multiplayer, and doing things would get you awards and achievements. Parents were out of town, but got the okay to invite BF, Story Guy, and BF's Cool Bro over to play online.

Now, we started heating a frozen pizza before they all arrived, and sister and I were having trouble cutting it. So, we let it cool, they showed up in a couple minutes, and we asked if any of them wouldn't mind helping cut it. Story Guy offered to cut it, but hadn't washed his hands first. This is a point of contention for me; I don't ask for super good hygiene, but I really appreciate it if you wash your hands before handling food. Especially since I've seen this guy's house he kept-- he never cleaned or vacuumed, regularly squished bugs into the carpet, and cleaned the kitchen only once or twice a year. So excuse me for asking him to please, wash his hands first. That set him off on me, and he snarkily remarked at us about how I didn't have to be so OCD about everything. Considering what I saw of that guy's house, I hope no one would fault me.

That made me a little upset, so I stayed behind in the kitchen to make some Kool-Aid while everyone went out to set up the Xbox.

Now, during the event, it is possible to get an achievement for getting 7 experience in a special playlist. To get experience, you have to win a match, and we were not having any luck winning, so I asked if we could do a different gametype, as we had been doing the same gametype for four hours.

He looked at me and told me we could not do my suggestion, he wanted the achievement, nevermind that the other three and I were exasperated from 4 hours and not getting it.

He actually spent all four of those hours muttering at me under his breath, making comments in my direction about how OCD I was, how cheap of a player in games I was (I'm not, he only started doing that after I beat him one time in a fighting game), how [female dog]-y I was, and I snapped and told him direct that we are playing new gametype (Grifball, if anyone is curious) whether he liked it or not, then he yelled at me for all the problems he was having in his life and all the problems I had couldn't possibly compare. ::

I admit, no spine and stress meant I just went back to my room and cried before I could come back out. BF comforted me when I came out.

Towards the end of it, we got the achievement, and in a couple hours, it was time to leave. I did try to apologize for snapping at him, and he said back, "I'm sorry you got so mad at me. But, you know, if you hadn't wasted so much time having a [female dog]-fit, we could have gotten it sooner."

Cue stunned silence as he left, I honestly couldn't think of anything to say.

I learned I should have had just told him to like it or get out at the pizza thing, but I was too much of a people pleaser then. BF and I, however, quickly started cutting off contact, and recovered most of the things we let him borrow pretty swiftly. Now I haven't talked to him in a couple years, the only contact I got was an email from him apologizing and wanting to be friends. I've yet to respond, a year later.

I applaud all y'all who have banned people for being mean to your beloved goggies and kitties. Thankfully, all of my friends are delighted by Phoebe and Penelope, Ajax and Tango, and now Ursula. (Roomie Linda's lovely black Spitz.) My employee/friend Brianna actually comes over just to visit Phoebs and Penny! (Ostensibly it's to visit me, but she loves those dogs almost as much as I do.)

Anyone who was cruel or even made jokes about harming a hair on any one of their heads would never be invited back. My animals live here; this is their home, and it is a safe, loving environment. They are not negotiable.

This topic is old, but I don't think anyone will mind me resurrecting it

BG: I live with my sister, L, and her young daughter, G, in the middle of a fairly large college town. She's lived here while obtaining 2 seperate degrees for nearly 7 years, and knows a lot of people. I'm just here to help until she obtains her masters. endBG

Last year around Homecoming L told me that she was having a few people over for the weekend. I wouldn't have minded, but she didn't think to tell me until the afternoon everyone started to arrive. That evening we entertained about 7 ladies for dinner, and L asked me to stay in that night and watch G while they went out to party later that night. Ok fine. I just asked that they keep they noise down while they were in the house because I had to be up at 530am to get ready for work. Of course they were loud and raucous the whole evening before they left. It took me several hours to get G to go to sleep because of the noise. Whenever I went to ask them to keep it down they giggled at me and went right back to what they were doing. I suffered 2 days of this until Homecoming weekend was over. The best part? They left alcohol bottles and partially filled cups on the table where my niece could get to them. She's 3 and most likely would have tried to drink out of the cups since they looked like they had juice in them. Also, they managed to break my lamp before leaving. I wish I could tell my sister not to have these people over again, but as she's paying the rent I have little say about it. I'm planning on taking G home to see my parents this Homecoming weekend whether L has friends over or not. She's usually a very responsible mother, but something about being around her sorority sisters brings out the idiot in her

(snip) The best part? They left alcohol bottles and partially filled cups on the table where my niece could get to them. She's 3 and most likely would have tried to drink out of the cups since they looked like they had juice in them. (snip)

I would have a talk with your sister about that - that could be construed as child endangerment. What if niece had woken up and gotten to the cups before you were able to remove them? (I'm assuming that you had to clean up the mess because sister was sleeping it off.)

Is sister and niece living with you or are you living with them? If the former, I would demand payment for the lamp and tell sister her sorority sisters are no longer welcome (they have a chapter house, let them party there). If the latter, put your stuff in storage until you move out, which would be sooner rather than later.