A movie crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an Old
Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain."

The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the
director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a
thunderstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. "We need to hire this guy!" But the next day, the Indian didn't show.

Finally the director sent the crew looking for him. After they found hime he asked, "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio broken."

Theresa"Now and then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.

8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".

13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

OK...here is a GREAT ONE!
The weather forecast for Lakeville, Minnesohhhhhta for the next 36 hours...

Tonight: Periods of snow, mainly after midnight. Low near 25. East wind around 17 mph. Chance of precipitation is 90%. New snow accumulation of 2 to 4 inches possible.

Friday: Periods of snow. The snow could be heavy at times. Some thunder is also possible. High around 33. East northeast wind around 17 mph. Chance of precipitation is 100%. New snow accumulation of 7 to 11 inches possible.

Friday Night: Periods of snow, mainly before midnight. Low around 20. North northeast wind between 14 and 17 mph. Chance of precipitation is 80%. New snow accumulation of 1 to 2 inches possible.

This is NO joke...

Theresa"Now and then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.

8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.

9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or her if they want fries with that.

10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

12) Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".

13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14) Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza, donuts, or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."

15) Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

ROTFLOL!!!!

Theresa"Now and then it is good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."

here is one I've been saving in my inbox
for all those people who periodically curse Mr Gates

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would
all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating:

"If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics":

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.

let's hear it. I'll pony up some free paper from the Boutique to the one that makes me laugh the hardest

The Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,

"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examinging room. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?

"Breast-fed" she replied.
"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for awhile in a detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, he said "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."
"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

Okay, here's one of my favorites. It's 10 Words that really should exist but don't.
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt' v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay' n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

To have a friend is to have a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold and an extra pair of legs when yours are too weak to stand alone...

I have been living buried in books and writing classes... as an added note I must say that it is rather scary when you start dreaming and all you can see within your dreams is words floating everywhere!

Valerie Lynn Harrell is the published author of a book of poetry, titled "A Little Girl Lost... Was Found Through Her Writing"