9/6/10 Internal Attack

A woman in her late twenties, Jeanine, seeks information about barriers to achieving a fulfilling romantic relationship, as well as clues to the origins of a form of hypothyroid called Hashimoto’s Syndrome. In the case of this ailment, the immune system attacks the thyroid.

She describes a conflictual relationship she has with her mother, where her mother is very attacking and does not seem to wish for her happiness. With regards to her ailment, I am struck by the notion of her own immune system attacking her. I point out the core dilemma; a bodily system that is meant to protect you, is attacking you. Suddenly the parallel to her mother is clear. I sense that she must face her immune system; to ask why it has betrayed its role as her protector. She must also connect with her thyroid, and pour loving compassion. She must acknowledge how devastating it has been for the thyroid to endure these attacks, particularly from a part of the body that was meant to be a protector.

She emerges inside the pyramid, seated in lotus, with a grin on her face. She then appears as a little girl, standing somewhere out in the cosmos, with her hands against a clear barrier. She is very sad, pouting as she presses her cheek against the barrier, then rolling across her forehead to the other cheek. She calls out softly for her mother. “Mommy?”

She continues to call for her mom and begins looking all around, peeping under pieces of furniture that appear amidst the stars. It is clear that her mother is near, yet she does not consider this to be her mother. She continues to look for hear “real” mother. Soon a woman appears, standing to the side. She has a grin on her face, and is clearly amused by her daughter’s distress. The little girl runs to her, screaming “you’re not my mommy!” She begins punching her thigh and climbing on her, punching her all over. The woman stands calmly, agreeing that indeed, she is not her mother.

Soon the woman begins to transform into a furry creature, standing tall like a bear. It remains unclear, flashing between a bear and a warrior of some sort. He grabs the little girl and carries her to an area with several metal structures, like ones that would be hastily constructed during wartime. Soon it becomes clear that we are indeed on a battlefield. She and her mother emerge as two men who are part of warring factions. They are off to the side, away from the rest of the soldiers, fighting intensely. They are presently without weapons, having been reduced to a brutal struggle, hand to-hand combat to the death.

I receive a message: They were being given an opportunity. Disarmed, isolated from the rest of the troops, they were given the chance to see the absurdity of this brutal violence.

Here they were, strangers, yet taught to hate each other so intensely. They were supposed to see the absurdity of this, to walk away. Instead, they continued to fight until “Jeanine” dealt a deadly blow, smashing her foe in the head with a rock.

The scene then changes to a subsequent lifetime where Jeanine’s mother emerges as a bear. She happens upon Jeanine who, in this lifetime, is a little boy. A part of “her mother” (the bear) recognizes “Jeanine” (the little boy) immediately and tears him to shreds. Yet this is not enough for her. In this present lifetime, she emerges as Jeanine's mother, still hungry for vengeance. A part of her does not even perceive herself to be Jeanine’s mother. She is still the rageful soldier who will not let go of her defeat.

Jeanine, now more evolved, spiritually from her “warring days,” has come to regret her actions. She has developed a sense of guilt about these violent circumstances. It is her guilt that causes her to attract and endure the continued vengeance of her mother. She must come to terms with her actions, come to terms with her guilt, and allow herself to feel worthy of being absolved of these actions. She needn’t passively accept this torment from her mother, the perpetually angry soldier. I call on Tehuti to heal her body. He places ice in the throat area, by the thyroid, to cool it from all of the torment. Yet he does not want to intervene with the body. He says that she must apply these lessons and it will bring healing. As he puts it, he provides “truth medicine.”

Yet I am hoping that perhaps some guide will help her a bit to get a head start with the physical ailment. Polar Bear, an animal spirit I have worked with, emerges. He kneels beside her, across from me. He places one paw on her forehead and the other on her heart. He acknowledges how much she has been harmed due to the profound and enduring contempt that her mother has been directing towards her from across lifetimes. She must heal herself from this hurtful energy. She must get a short necklace made of clear and rose quartz draping just to the collarbones of the neck. And she must send love to the area. He tells her that he loves her, and keeps repeating, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” He lets her know that many beings who love her always surround her. A couple appear kneeling by her head. They place their hands in her hair and on their hearts also repeating that they love her.

At the close of the session, I asked about Jeanine's experience of the reading. She said that the part when she was a little girl was difficult. She identified with the idea that she felt that her mother was not really her mother. She rejected her in this role long ago. She also identified with the image of her mother taking pleasure in her discomfort. She said that her mother never seems to want her to be happy. She is very depressed and seems to revel in the misfortune of others. Thus this spitefulness extends beyond the mother-daughter relationship. We go over the recommendations and Jeanine is inspired to begin her healing journey. Back to Ancestral Readings