(The Digital Camera!) And other Things My Dog Has Eaten.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Table left unattended by breakfasters for a two shakes of a lab's tail.

BEFORE:Full 7oz/200g tub of salted butter. Lid off. On breakfast table. Top quality butter (according to the packaging), made in Brazil by Davaca (literally'Of the Cow').

AFTER:Totally empty plastic tub, every corner licked clean. Under table. It took us a while to locate the tub, after thinking that the butter had mysteriously vanished and that it could not possibly have been Mel's doing. Mel's involvement was fully confirmed an hour later when I found a pool of top quality butter vomitus on the veranda.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Mel's in the red. Physiologically, she's a pup no more. It's her red-letter days, she is, what I believe is known in dog terms as 'on heat'. This being the case, we have to be VERY careful. Under no circumstances is a male dog to be allowed anywhere near Mel. Under no circumstances do we want her to lose her doggy cherry until her second or third 'heat' period. Mel still has a lot of growing up to do - she's not ready for adulthood yet!

So, last weekend, instead of staying in the neighbourhood, we decided to take Mel to a remote beach 30 km away so she could have a run and a swim with no other dogs around for us to fight off. This involved a car ride, and as you know, Mel LOVES cars...

Monday, September 17, 2007

BEFORE:5 inch piece of electrical wire, coated in protective plastic. Straight. Yellow. Carelessly left on the veranda after electrician spent the day installing some groovy outdoor lighting.

AFTER:5 inch piece of 'naked' wire, uncoated. No yellow plastic in sight. The wire is now curled and twirled.Ahem, before you fly over and come knocking on my door, I should point out that the real 'AFTER' section reads thus:

AFTER:As 'BEFORE'. You didn't really think I'm the kind of owner who leaves a puppy unattended with a piece of WIRE?!!?

Monday, September 10, 2007

BEFORE:A large (football sized) recently dropped from the tree, fresh green coconut. Neatly sliced open with a machete by Mel's loving, caring owner, (who has decided to forgive all Mel's previous misdemeanors). Lying on the ground on the beach in two halves, each filled with delicious, clear, sweet water and lush white coconut pulp. The scene is completed by the warm ocean, appearing slightly out of focus in the background, the gentle swish of the wind through the coconut palms, the hot tropical winter sun shining down, a dolphin gliding seamlessly through the big blue on the horizon... a true tropical paradise...But I'm getting carried away! Gentle swish? Tropical Paradise? With Mel on the beach?

AFTER:Coconut totally dessimated (or should that be dessicated), now in muddy shreds spread and stuck, with the aid of Mel's dribble, over the sarongs of three tourists (they did not take too kindly to Mel's apparent suggestion that strangers are just friends you haven't met yet). Impossible to identify as a coconut to the untrained eye.

Friday, September 7, 2007

BEFORE:The gearstick ('stick shift', for my American buddies) in my car. Implement for moving smoothly between the five gears of my less than a year old, recently valeted, soon to be offered for sale, spotlessly clean Fiat Mille Flex.

AFTER:Gearstick with a wee bite mark. Door of car was left slighlty ajar when I was doing a spot of gardening next to the place where I park. Mel managed to push the car door open with her nose and get in. She stayed in the car for about 30 minutes, checking out each seat, but spending most of her time in the driver's seat. She's usually banished to the boot (That's'trunk' for the yanks out there) and has no doubt been keen to Access All Areas for a while now. She must have been especially looking forward to trying that big black shiny plastic thing and find out if it tastes anything like a wooden spoon. Doh!

Saturday, September 1, 2007

BEFORE:An oversized black plastic spoon, purchased recently in the hope of aiding my efforts to be a great chef and unique in the kitchen. Basically, it's a plastic spoon for stirring things. It has everything offered by the traditional 'wooden spoon' but has the advantage of being plastic - super hygenic, easy to clean, and very swanky alongside all my other black plastic kitchenalia. After being used to prepare an aubergine curry, it was washed and carefully placed on a shelf under the sink.

AFTER:Still swanky, and still fully functional, but now with two neat bite marks in the shiny plastic.

About Me

About Mel

Mel is a beautiful 8 month old chocolate labrador. Her seemingly endless energy has earned her the nickname DuraMel. Her interests include: chasing empty plastic bottles, fetching sticks, swimming in the sea, jumping through waves, staring intently at butterflies, following her sister Sol around (a 4 yr old yorkie), avoiding soap, sleeping, and last but not least, chewing.

It"s all about chewing...

You see, it's not just about what my pup has EATEN, but also the objects she has CHEWED UP BEYOND RECOGNITION of what they looked like before. It's a testament to what a puppy is capable of when she's already destroyed all the pricey chew toys we lovingly bought for her; it's my way of letting off steam; it's a way to get over the frustration that my digital camera is defunct; it's a way for me to tune up my descriptive wordsmithery, rejoicing in the chance to describe objects in this age when nobody describes anything with WORDS anymore - these days it's just DIGITAL CAMERA THIS DIGITAL CAMERA THAT; it's internet therapy, if you will; and last but absolutely and on no uncertain terms least, it's a warning to YOU, reading this and thinking how lovely it would be to have a cute little labrador puppy froliking around your abode, that labs really do love chewing and yours will NOT be an exception -get a lab and your things WILL get destroyed - you have hereby been advised!

If this blog made you smile today, consider treating me to a hot chocolate.