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1. Two vultures board an
airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at
them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed
per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up
in South Carolina. One went all the way out to Hollywood and became a
famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never
amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the
lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a
kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,
proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks
into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the
Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess
enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they
asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and
gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband and that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind
on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God,
a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the
friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and
trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did; thereby
proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you
know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him
rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him ....what?................. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good) super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was
the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh .. . . .