Where Stuff Gets Rated

Tag: 0.6

This was a 62 foot statue of Jesus, after He demolishes the cross that thought it had bested Him and signaled a touchdown had occurred. In 2010, it was struck by lightning and burned to nothing, because actual Jesus turned out to be more of a jai alai fan. 0.6/5

These are chocolate covered cherries, except they put some kind of enzyme inside to melt the cherries. Cherries shouldn’t melt and people shouldn’t encourage them to melt by buying and consuming the melted ones. 0.6/5

This is a shopping mall store that gets progressively seedier the deeper into it you go. The front is all like minions stuffed animals. In the middle are the topless playing cards and fart machines, while the back of the store is almost entirely food shaped like penises. They let kids in here, which as a kid I appreciated but as an adult, I can’t fathom how that was legal. 0.6/5

Or football, I guess, if you aren’t American. Or Canadian? I don’t actually know what they call this in Canada. I know they call ham “bacon,” so all bets are off, really. Anyhow this exciting hours-long jogging and falling down exhibition is the world’s most popular sport, primarily because most of the world is wretchedly poor and all it takes to play soccer is access to a round thing. 0.6/5

Okay so a little about me: I avoid spoilers like the plague. I’m writing this before Spider-Man: Homecoming comes out and I know next to nothing about it, other than that I’m excited to see it. But I’m like sixty percent sure the Vulture is the bad guy in it, and I may have heard somewhere it’s Michael Keaton? That’d be pretty cool. The Vulture I’m familiar with is an old man who can fly in a universe where literally everyone can fly and also they have other powers and aren’t elderly. 0.6/5

The Ooey Triad. I don’t know why they bother to put them in different color clothes. Nobody remembers which boy is supposed to be which color anyway, because they’re not individuals. They’re one person, just three times. Bleh. 0.6/5