Beer-o-ween is one of the most beloved and widely celebrated holidays today. But did you know the long history of this important holiday? Some historians [1] say the ancient Egyptians even celebrated it! Here are 13 spooky facts I bet you didn’t know about the amazing history of beer-o-ween:

The Druids traditionally sacrificed virgins as part of their Beer-o-ween celebrations, believing it would bring members of the community fertility. Virgins like Just Joe and Just Jacob.

French lore says it is good luck to be visited by distant friends on Beer-o-ween. Friends such as Must Stank Sally or The Virginator.

French lore goes on to say it is good luck to sing Alouette, which hashers like Must Stank Sally will gladly do when hashers like Ass-Ass-In-Nation oblige.

Traditional Beer-o-ween celebrations include a shitty trail, pre-laid individually in halves by fraidy-cat hares like Fox in the Pound and Fort Dixalot.

An important part of most American Beer-o-ween celebrations is, of course, drinking. Common drinks include shots on Race St. Pier, Miller Lite at Penn Treaty Park, and PBR at Drinkers’ Tavern. Some people even say it’s good luck if the RA knocks the entire bucket of PBR off the table before the Beer-o-ween circle!

In Mexican celebrations, it is common for people to mistake their friends for departed friends. Slothy Seconds was only honoring tradition when she repeatedly mistook Strawberry Shartcake for General Do Little Kids. Strawberry himself participated in this custom by forgetting Fort Dixalot’s name while making an accusation.

In the US, it is common for overgrown children to dress as their favorite beers to celebrate. For example, Silence of the Goats dressed as Hamms (and wore a Hamilton wig!), Sex Toys for Tots dressed as PBR, Judge Doody dressed as Duffman (which really works better with his nerd name), Just Mike was a generic beer bottle, Slothy Seconds and Just Joe were Guinness, and Strawberry Shartcake was a case of Sweet Baby Jesus.

In the Middle Ages, Beer-o-ween became an official holiday by decree of Sir Osis of Liver. May I Come on Ya pays homage to Sir Osis by dressing up like him to this day.

In parts of Ireland and Tennessee, hashers like Holding it for Daddy and Fox in the Pound celebrate Wisky-ween instead, costuming themselves as Jack Daniels and Jameson.

In Great Britain, folks celebrate with topsy-turvy hijinks. That’s why Fort Dixalot drove Where’s My D’s van the wrong way down a one-way street. At least he didn’t “lock her cars in her van,” as D said after promising not to fuck up her accusation.

Some people like to be horrified on Beer-o-ween, such as by watching Must Stank Sally and The Virginator go ass-to-ass, Requiem For a Dream-style.

The Beer-o-ween circle tradition has been likened to cult rituals. Although the true origin of this practice is unknown, You May Go certainly supported this comparison when he said, “This is our cult. Go get him!” as a stranger accidently wandered into the festivities.

Beer-o-ween celebrations transition smoothly into Scary Shots celebrations, so keep the party going in costume in Manayunk tomorrow!

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to the...7-11! Please excuse the mess of flour and chalk all over the, well, everything. A bunch of my asshole friends who call themselves some kind of running club caked the place in it for some reason. Yeah, that's them in the corner there forming some kind of circle. What's that? You want a tour of the shenanigans they wreaked through my store? Uhh, sure, fuck it. I'm not even supposed to be here today.

*comes across Baaa! Ram Him and Shop n' Fuck listening to Condom Fuck Sister talk about a Soldier of his who refuses to change his uniform*Condom: Yeah, so we don't know what to do with him.Baaa!: You should take him outside and just hose him down.Shop: Or just FUCK HIM IN THE ASS!Baaa!: ...there are two types of people.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's move on. I think I should mention now that the opinions held by those you'll meet in this store in no way reflect those of 7-11 or Seven & I Holdings Co., our parent company. Oh hey, there's 60k9! Is that a Push Pop in his hand?

Who's this cool guy by the magazine stand standing ovr that flour X on the ground? Oh, it's Post Traumatic Goose Disorder reading a special edition about the works of M.C. Escher or, as he calls it, a Map of the Hills of Manayunk.

Manayunk: Where it's somehow uphill in every direction

Oh, you've found one of our promotion racks. 60k9, could you move over a bit so we can take a look?

No, no, you half-mind. The Mayor's Cup promos would be three aisles over but they ended two months ago. These promos are for the Philly Marathon Beer Check.

60k9: Yeah, but you know what they say about those free beer samples? *sings* A pintful of lager helps the lesbians go down...

....Right. Hey, how'd that mountain goat get in the store? Oh, wait, that's just Silence of the Goats. You'll forgive me for the mixup, what with her seemingly unending ability to traverse all the aisles inside this store without stopping.

Goats: On One!Condom Fuck Sister: One called straight!Shop n' Fuck: (jokingly) Isn't that homophobic?Baaa!: Wha? How the fuck would that work? You do know that just because something isn't gay doesn't make it homophobic, right?

Oh yeah, cool, right? This is our most recent endcap update: the Halloween section. Check out the spider and dragon that the Muggle Corporation set up along our path. They move! And what's this little banana guy? *presses button*

Okay...gross. Still, not a bad song and perhaps something those jerks in the back can build on. Oh, hey, Fort Dixalot, why are you staring into the freezers?

Fort Dixalot: I'm trying to figure out how many dead bodies you could fit in here and the best way to do so. I think I could fit 37.

In a row?! Hmm, alright. To be clear, there have never been any corpses in our freezers...as far as I know. And Uncle Fister, why are you looking so longingly at that imitation crab meat?

Uncle Fister: ​Well, since I have alopecia, I don't get crabs, so I figured this was the next best thing.

​Makes sense. I just hope none of the others call you out for that. Speaking of, where'd everyone go? Oh, upstairs to the roof. Let's follow them. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's a lot of fucking stairs, it's almost as bad as all the hills inside the store itself. Suck it up. Ah, right, this is Señor Ballz's Rooftop Hangout. What a great view of the parking lot and back alley. Yo, what's up, Pantyphile?

Pantyphile: What's up, dude? Oh man, you feel that wonderful 7-11 breeze? You get a nice breeze up here. I mean, it smells like roadkill but it's still nice.

Agreed. That is the charm of this store. Ah, there goes Roids and Fort Dixalot​ baptizing patrons in the parking lot with beer and tossing down cans. What are they asking down there? Oh, yes...

What's that smell?

Come on up! Wait, what's that? No Muggles allowed? Oh, well, no matter, everyone's headed back down, through the store, past the Squishees..., err, Slurm..., ehh, Soylent..., no, I mean Slurpee machines and out to the back alley for Circle. Holy shit, there's a lot of beer drinking going on out here. And accusations being lobbed left and right. And now Just Cline/Clit is on his knees. It's a naming!

Post Traumatic Goose Disorder: Just Cline, tell us about yourself.Just Cline: Well, I'm a Hasher, a Crossfitter, I do Improv, and play Ultimate Frisbee. I once rubbed my dick on a bean bag chair and took a shit on a plane or something.

Damn, Just Cline is quite the cult slut!

Goose: What name suggestions do we have for this wanker?Other People's Pussy: Pile High Club!​May I Cum On Ya?: I'm Rubbin' Burgundy?Fox in the Pound: Shits on a Plane!

Just Cline: I was also engaged for five years to a girl and we did everything but sex.

Fucking everyone:EVERYTHING BUTT SEX!!!

Yep, that's right. Henceforth and forevermore, Just Cline/Clit shall be known as Everything Butt Sex. And, with the closing of Circle, so, too, does our tour end. Now get the fuck out, err,