Alex Baer: A Shot of Tough Love, Right Across the Bow

You just can't get good help anymore. This seems glaringly true for a number of bad apples hogging the news spotlights these days. They all need new advisors, as a basic start.

While these lot-spoiling apples are only a minority percentage of state residents, businesspeople, and total politicians in the country, these small groups always hook the Klieg lights and attention their way. This is usually while they're busy demonstrating one of their strongest assets and skills, being -- to use a (shudder) Grover Norquistian phrase -- poopy heads.

For a limited time, folks, I'm prepared to offer you a real sweetheart deal: excellent advice at no out-of-pocket cost. Yes, I am putting my own personal empire of legal wunderkinder and public relations manipulators at your disposal, free of cost. If you like, I can also have this advice placed on letterhead for you later, as both a reminder and souvenir of the day you got the best deal you ever had.

For you delusional secessionist residents in all 50 states... for you pinheaded emperors (male only, so far) of American business... and for all you Republican politicians (the GOP being 99.8% of the challenged group), my global firm of Floutet, Flauntet & Flamette hereby bestows upon your very sorry butts the following advice: