Hide Your Kids: Rob Gronkowski Is Getting a Nickelodeon Show

When I think of the bachelor-party-that-has-somehow-assumed-human-form known as Rob Gronkowski, I don't think of kids. I mean, sure, if I think about him for long enough, I might eventually think of the many potential children he might have as a direct result of living his life like he watched Entourage and thought, "Vince, just doesn't enjoy himself enough." But I certainly don't think of him as a natural fit to host a show on Nickelodeon. And yet here we are.

Nickelodeon announced yesterday that Gronk would host a sports-clip show called Crashletes—the second Rob Gronkowski TV show that's been reported to be in development, somehow. The Hollywood Reporter describes the show like this: "[It's] a viral sports clip series. It will feature guest personalities, from both sports and entertainment, with Gronkowski offering his own commentary on the clips." So it's basically Tosh.0, for kids, with Gronk, about sports. Again, I come back to one question: Why?

Look, I like Gronk. He's funny. He's wild. He hosts cruises where everyone's constantly drunk and dancing and playing Family Feud. But Gronk's personality is most entertaining in that context. Putting him on Nickelodeon misses all the dumb stuff that makes Gronk entertaining. Hell, he probably won't even be able to twerk, which he's highly skilled at and enjoys doing. And this isn't a guy who is exactly PG on the mic.

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