Mexinesia, and 4 More Words You Should Know

Every year we hear about the new words added to the Oxford English Dictionary. You’ll recall selfie made the list in 2014. Lots of people found that noteworthy for some reason. But selfie was only one of many new words added to the dictionary.

Beatboxer, for instance. I’m not sure of the true definition, but I would describe it as an acapella musical seizure. Another new entry is chugging. I thought this was a little bit behind the times, but I guess the dictionary folks didn’t hit up many keggers back in college. TP, as in toilet paper, was added both as a noun and a verb. There are lots more, but this isn’t about he words that were added; that’s old news.

I want to talk about the words that should’ve been added. Here are five:

Microparalysis. Let’s say you’re heating up a bowl of soup in the microwave. Microparalysis occurs after you punch the first number while you’re deciding which number to punch next. So you punch the 4, then you are overcome by microparalysis because you can’t decide whether to go with 45 seconds or throw caution to the wind and enter 48.

Mexinesia. You’re in a Mexican restaurant, looking at the menu. You want a burrito and a taco, so you are torn between Nos. 4, 7, 11, 13, 14, 16 and 18. Now comes the hard part. No. 4 has a chalupa and rice. You like chalupas well enough, but that’s a lot of food. Plus the rice is just so-so. No. 11 has rice and beans. You could ask for double beans and no rice, but the menu says no substitutions. What about No. 13? It’s been a while since you’ve tried a chili relleno. No. 16 has a tamale, but it comes with a chicken burrito which is blasphemous. So after a basket of chips and 8 million brain synapse firings later, you settle on No. 14. Mexinesia sets in 1 minute after the server takes your order when you could not remember what you ordered if someone had a gun to your head.

Suddenteresting. This what happens when that long, boring story you were having to endure suddenly got interesting. Example: After nodding off for 20 minutes, you’re suddenly snapped back into consciousness when the person says, “…so, anyway, Keith Urban is going to be there. What do you think?”

Purinaphobia. Being in constant fear all day long that you’re going to forget to buy dog food on the way home for the fifth day in a row. A side effect is you are similarly afraid that you’re going to have to put Fido on Lipitor because you’ve fed him potato chips and Slim Jims for a week.

Kardashianot. That horrible realization you have to develop some kind of marketable skill and can’t just declare yourself rich and famous. Used in a sentence: “Man, I dread that meeting at work today. I wish I wasn’t such a Kardashianot.” You may be a Kardashianot, but the upside is, your skin is not orange.

Then there are those life situations that don’t have words to describe them.

What do you call it when you have to go to the bathroom as soon as you get in bed?

What is it called when you leave home in the morning and you can’t remember if you put on deodorant or not?

What is this new phenomenon where we’re always holding an event to create awareness for something we are already well aware of?

How do you describe seeing a hair in front of your eye but not being able to grab it?

Okay, Mr. Oxford English Dictionary people: you obviously have lots more work to do.