Inside My Gooey Brain

Recent Entries

11th August 2005

5:49pm: i miss the bayou
as i sit here writing this im contimplating whether i should move back to houma and forget my father completly i mean my whole life ive wanted to spend time with him and the more and more im around him the more and more im discouraged from doing that im sick of his attitude towards everything its like we are completely different and i could understand that i mean ive never spent longer than a week with him since i can remember he see's me as a skinny young punk who doesnt kno anything ab. anything and if he's not interested in what ur saying he doesnt care or he will put u down for it i think he has issues with alot of things i.e. showing emotion,compassion,love,u kno all the things u should show towards ur children i think he hates me b/c i dont give in to what he thinks i miss my friends dearly i miss my family i miss everything and im forced to not see them b4 i leave for the marines this is getting harder and harder as time goes on b/c my g-parents have always been there for me and i miss them i cant take this any longer im either gonna get on a greyhound bus and leave or kill my dad not literally today i was thinking of tellling him if i do stay i dont want him to mention he has a 18 year old son ever and to forget ab. me alltogether and the sad part is he'd aggree to do that he's been telling me that at this point in my life noone cares ab. brandon and that brandon is the only person who cares ab. brandon and how can he say that he barely knows me i dont kno if im overreacting or what but im sick of it here i wanna go home

16th July 2005

7th July 2005

9:35pm: whazappnin
ive noticed today im totally different than i was a 2 weeks ago ive done a complete 180 degrees since ive moved to houston. my life is completely different im in shape from running/when i was in houma i would have laughed if someone would have told me i could run 3 miles with no problem and im talking ab. laughing my ass off. i also got clean narcotics wise/ 2 weeks ago i spent all my money on dope and would have freaked out if i didnt smoke everyday. i love life now/ i didnt know it but i hated life in houma. In 2 weeks ive changed my entire life and im very proud of myself and i hate to say it but i dont wanna go back to the old me im happy with this version. i also have met a good girl who will keep me out of trouble for however long i will be here which is saweeet and she's hott too and she has a lovely car and she's smart yea u know where im going with this well anywayz im out i gotta wake up early peace

28th June 2005

1:26am: ...
today was pretty cool i basically spent the whole day with my dad since he's leaving to go offshore tom. it sucks that he's goin but im sure the 4 weeks he's gone will pass quickly. also today i found this website that shows guitar chords and all the variations its the shizniztastic i hope by the time he comes back ill have somethin to show him on guitar i know ill be pluggin away everyday until then. i also learned alot ab. my physical ability i ran a mile and a half in 16.14 i know its not the fastest time but its a start i hope to get it down to 10 minutes by 2 weeks from now. another thing is ive made my choice in what my job with the marines is aviation electronics they said with the training ill recieve from that if i get a degree in aronautical science i can re-up with the marines and possibly fly planes which is something ive always dreamed of. so today was really a uplifting day esspecially reading the comments my friends have left me since ive gone it really made me feel good that people actually care ab. me like that and i def. thank them for those comments well im off to bed its very late and im going with my dad to the airport tom. to tell him goodbye so i guess i shall tell u folks the same peace im out like a trizout

25th June 2005

2:28am: everythings bigger in texas.....
well i did it...i moved to texas and left life as i know it in houma now i have learned sober can be fun and that happiness is brought on by doing something rather than by sitting and waiting for it. i love it here i finally get to know my little sister julie claire henry the coolest kid on the planet ive learned so much from just being with her breifly for the last 3 days its amazing b/c she's 2 and she doesnt understand the concept of which we are related but she still loves me like a brother and i love her just as much. as u probably know im joining the marines which is going to be the hardest thing ive ever done in my life and im very much ready for it. lol yesterday i ran 7 miles and the day before that i ran a mile and a half. but really i just enjoy spending quality time with my dad for a change. All in all i love it here and i love the my present situation besides there are alot of nice lookin girls here too well im goin to bed peace

14th June 2005

10:03pm: new stuff
im leaving sunday on a plane to move to houston and relieve myself of all the drama accompanied with living in this fine city. i hope to succeed in my next obstacle in my life, since i cannot cut in college i figure joining the military will give me more discipline in life and make me a better person than what i will be if i keep on the same path that i am going at this point in my life. im looking to make a complete transition and become healthier mentally,spiritually,and physically. i also will be in houston to witiness the birth of my new lil sibling and i will be able to spend time with my lil sister who is alot bigger since the last time ive seen her it should be fun city or at least im hoping i just hate to leave all my friends and family so quickly i actually hate it to tell u the truth but ill keep everyone posted on my new #'s and what not peace

6th April 2005

2:19pm: i guess thats why they call me they call me the workin man
i started my construction job last week its pretty physically demanding but i think the pythons will do the job at hand besides my mom said by the end of the summer ill have 4,000 bones which is def. a plus...im not complaining.. but anyway today we got rained out even tho we worked all morning through off and on rain/wind i heard there was a few tornados touch down around hurrr...but anyway about my job its pretty cool there's like 1 other white guy on my crew all the black dudes are funny and really old and wise i like it but i dont u kno i mean i could be doing so much better rite now but im making money and im paying my bills so thats all i need at the end of the day really and they will work with me during school which is pretty sweet but anyway im ab. to go take a nap peace in the middle east

31st March 2005

8:30pm: new job
i got a new job today its labor ridden and i dont like it but it will do hopefully it pays the bills and possibly for another go at college...but anyway thats not whats on my mind tonite what is on my mind is that girl again im beginning to basically forfeit my feelings and basically this will probably be may last update so therefore i wont be on a computer for a while which will help things pass i am hopeful that maybe things will happen down the road but im not counting on it she's cool but im not gonna sit here and do this to myself for no particular reason so basically i probably wont be talking to her for a while even tho i want to i guess it wasnt love after all besides she has someone who makes her happy so its not like it will effect her that much but anyway im getting a car within the weekend and hopefully will be driving by the beginning of the week tho im not too excited because last time i had a car i had alot of responsibilites i didnt want and im positive the same situation will arise once again i cant believe this is my last post im not gonna be a homo and give shoutouts because thats not me though i must say the people i met on here are pretty cool and i had alot in common with them which i didnt expect from this in the end i dont regret airing my bussiness online though i do regret some things im just so tired of having high hopes only to not have them unfulfilled need i say anymore i guess i dont have to but anyway im going to bed because im exausted meaning for the first time in 5 months ill actually go to bed before 2:00 AM which is amazing though i did alot of stuff today but anyway im out peace

28th March 2005

10:38pm: movin out tom.
im moving to my mom's tom. which is located in bourg which could be described as the middle of nowhere tho i think i need it things there are laid back and i can relax more without having my g-parents up my ass the only downside is that i prob. wont have a computer there so updates will be sparse and my relationships with friends will suffer greatly unfortunatly which will kill me b/c i love my friends of whom i dont feel comfortable calling but hey i need to concentrate on work anyway things will find a way i guess but of all things my "friends" have been very good to me i hope i can find a way to maintain the relationships b/c it would kill me to have them wither away but anyway enough ab. that i took this quiz check it out it explains me exactly sorry tatie i stole ur shit:

12:39am: cant sleep
cant sleep thought i might as well update so i dunno im trying to plan out my next 6 months here are my options: going back to paramedic class and going back to nicholls after, just working my butt off all summer and goin back to nicholls, or just doing paramedic class and doing that so far im undecided i wanna go back to nicholls and tonite i was trying to schedule my classes but since ive took a semester off im out of the system apparently b/c it wont let me schedule but anyway i will have to go to nicholls and apply all over again hopefully i will get accepted and put on academic probation...hopefully i can deal with that but i dont wanna go to fletcher even tho it might be for the best i need to develop bad ass study habits pardon my french but anyway i want a degree in something not decided yet im leaning towards phsychology or possible pre-med depending on my personal drive when im scheduling but anyway the paramedic thing sounds like a so so gig i mean i dont wanna do it for the rest of my life though i wouldnt mind doing something in a office for the rest of my life i just wanna do something that i have to use my mind for i would love that but anyway im done i took some pictures tonite here they are i love these glasses dont u

26th March 2005

12:02am: Friday Night
well friday nite was fun because it intailed on just good clean fun devin,joe,and i wreked havoc whereever we went. we went to wal-mart,books-a-million,and best buy parking lot lol. here are a few pics from that niteenjoyonce...twice....three times a devinoh yea we were at starbucks it was pretty good i got somethin and devin had a waterhere's a pic of me looking like the unibomber at ihopwell by the end of the nite i was worn out and delvin was too i took this pretty cool pic of the moonthe end hope u had fun i kno i didpeacebrandon AKA steve miller AKA s.b.d.(ask if u cant figure it out)

25th March 2005

5:05pm: Gooooooood Friday
Woke up at 10am to go to Dularge to get the crabs and went back home and went back to sleep until 1:30 then went to my uncle's house to get everything ready for the boil then played xbox for ab. a hour. Boy did i eat a butt load of crawfish (no pun intended) and cleaned everything up got home around now tired and ready to go to sleep again

6:29pm: tired
i went fill out apps at other places today and yet again my g-mother verbally abused me again telling me i dont care ab. anything but i do if there's anyone outside of my friends that i care about most its my g-parents i mean they may not be the most hip people in the world and sometimes they are a lil mean ab. some things but they are willing to do whatever is needed to help me succeed tho i keep burning them financially with school and all it really sucks i wish i could have succeeded the first time nevertheless the second time and now i have to keep a job hopefully it works out in the end who knows?

11:29am: morning
as i wake up on what is said to be March 24th 2005 i feel excruciatingly tired but i guess thats cause i didnt go to bed til late last nite but anyway....boy did i freak out last nite thats not normal i should go to a doctor named dickie that would be funny and productive oh and entertaining...i dont know why but when i sleep it doesnt feel like i sleep even if i get like 12 hours of sleep i still feel like atomic pooh....though i was watching television late last nite because i couldnt sleep and boy does that tempur-pedic bed sound awesome they'll give it to you for 120 for practially nothing...thats a 1/3 of a year....moral of the story i cant sleep and a bunch of people with expensive beds tell me how they can...fuckin bastards

1:27am: my antidrug is photoshop
well after using my artisticness for good i feel alot of better...i guess it took alot of just doing something not thinking too much....and a bunch of pink floyd which is always a great thing....i feel very relieved for some reason i guess b/c my body was freaking out pretty bad...but in the end ive realized its moments like this that i used to turn to drugs but obviously drugs arent the only antidote to a broken self esteem thats for damn sure... all i did was edit 2 pictures and my anxiety subsided...i feel better but not great ill leave it at ok for now ill have my creations posted as soon as i figure out how to post them lol....well im out peace leave comments damnit

12:00am:
as i sit here in the living room this pain in my chest from my mass amount of anxiety wont go away....the only medication i have for it is music prescribed by doctor sam...its somewhat working but i mean i still dont feel very well....she has become a very good friend im def. thankful for meeting a soul sister....but at the same time just ive been blown away with my bad fortune...failing my class....possibly being homeless getting kicked out of my g-parents house....not being able to go live with my mother b/c of my current job situation....and worst of all its like my family is against me in this deep down time of life....sometimes i just wish i could just get away from all this permanently b/c all they do is give me stress,stress and more stress to go along with the stress i have already...its sorta like they rub all the things i mess up on in my face as if i dont have conscience i feel horrible ab. my current situation why cant they see this and they think they have to remind me constantly of my problems and how bad the reprocutions are for my future....they speak as if i messed up their lives also which i understand how bad ive done recently but ive made strides personally i think gaining better study habits since i never had any personal ones to begin with.... getting away from drugs....and basically getting back to being a better person b/c recently ive been really mean ab. alot of things...i dunno i feel like my family just looks at the bad things all the time never the good i hate it alot i dont see the love anymore all i see is hate and im not ab. that i love everyone no matter the situation im a kind person and i dont see how i became this way i think its mostly b/c of personal strides not from family values but anyway ive said enough

23rd March 2005

6:26pm: movin out
continuation of the moving out thing my g-pau gets home and tells me i got until next tuesday to get a job or im out but my mom says if i dont have a job i cant stay there and my dad is overseas beside the point that i have no idea how the fuck im gettin to houston,tx...

3:45pm: apps are a bitch
well the day after i fail my class i wake up and update of course....well my friend vinson calls to go work out which ive been wanting to do regularly for a while but anyway i call my instructor and try to see if i could get my point for coming in today and he says he cant do that so i proceed to call my g-pau to tell him that im not going to school im gonna go work out and he tells me i need to put in some applications today. so he calls my mom and tells her to go with me to put in applications at various oilfield related bussinesses so im pretty uneasy ab. the idea of not goin work out but i sorta have no choice so i pull out the phone book and get to it, calling every one i see in the yellow pages and i find out that from my EMS knowledge i can be a nursing assistant which sounds like a cool gig but i cant find any openings at either of the hospitals in town but i do find another job at Chabert so i went and applied there...hoping that i would have insight on any openings there... i also filled out a application at the Gov. Tower and they had a opening for a job taking care of dogs which sounded up my alley..moral of the day is im gettin a full time job possibly makin the cheese end of story...then i get home and my g-mau is tutoring this lil bastard who has the worst attitude ab. skool in the history of the world and she tells me i have to move back to my mom's b/c she's in a bad mood which is bullshit she also commented on having to pick up some coke can that i left out last nite which is stupid b/c i do alot around the house for them and i dont mind b/c they're my g-parents and i love them and they feel the same towards me but they're just frustrated b/c they paid for NSU and EMS Academy and i didnt succeed in either id be pissed too but id be a hell of alot more supportive thats for damn sure and i wouldnt kick someone out of the house b/c they dont have a job after filling out applications in the same day..fuck this bruh

10:52am: ........
its a new day i feel a lil better it hasnt sunk in yet tho i dont think. Because it took me 2 months to come to terms that i wasnt going back to college.Tho i will its a personal goal to get a damn degree in somethin even basketweaving...well im out peace