One of my special skills is goading people into doing things that I think are great ideas. A few of you have been on the receiving end of this.

When it comes to getting my own stuff done, though, I have a tougher time making things happen. If you have impaired executive function courtesy of autism or ADHD (or some other neurodivergence), you know the feeling. How many times a week do I think “I really should spend some time on my novel” and “I’m way behind on responding to comments” not to mention “The kitchen counters could use a good wiping down” and “When was the last time I vacuumed?”

I’m super organized when it comes to work and bill paying and anything with a deadline. But those things that I should be doing regularly–which includes everything from housework to writing and keeping my blog in order–that stuff slips away…

“Find a bit of beauty in the world today. Share it. If you can’t find it, create it. Some days this may be hard to do. Persevere.”–Lisa Bonchek Adams

I love my flower pictures–this time of year they remind me that spring will be back!

If you aren’t a part of the health and social media landscape, you might not have heard of Lisa Bonchek Adams. Lisa was a writer, a wife, a mother, and an advocate. She also had metastatic cancer and died on March 6, 2015 at the age of 45. This post isn’t really about Lisa–there are many others who were more deeply connected to her than me. If you’d like to learn more, or just experience some of her poignant, powerful writing, I encourage you to check out her blog.

Instead, this post is about one of Lisa’s most shared statements, the quote that opens this post.

Nature’s first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.–Robert Frost

It’s not unusual for me to sit with a client who says, “I hate change.” And I’ve been in that space myself. Change disrupts things. Change requires response from us. Change means that our routines might not work any more. Because even if our status quo is unhealthy or difficult, it is what we know how to do. We have figured out a set of responses that works for now. Change requires that we learn new responses, that we stretch our boundaries, that we challenge ourselves. Mostly, change is not comfortable.

Hi all. It’s been a while, and I’ve missed writing for you. There is a lot of great stuff out there right now about how to avoid the resolution trap, and how to gain some momentum as you move into this new year. I’m not going to duplicate that. Instead, I am going to kick off the year by sharing a story with you about my holiday season. Here we go:

I have nieces and nephews in a few other states, and I have children who are outgrowing their early toys. So, when faced with a beloved riding toy that my son hasn’t touched in a year, I didn’t want to just donate it or sell it. Instead, I wanted it to stay in the family. I asked my brother if my three-year-old nephew would like it. I got a strong yes, so I was off to the shipping store to send it on its way. Now, I may have procrastinated a bit, so it might have been the week before Christmas when I made it to the store. Also, I may have gotten fed up with the procrastinating, so I may not have packed the toy before bringing it.

The nice man at the shipping store measured it for me. It was 27 inches long. He said, “I have a 28 inch cube that would fit that.” Now, if you are a non-spatial person like me, a 28 inch cube sounds reasonable. So I said yes to the box. He proceeded to build a box large enough to pack several small children (this has since been verified), and cushioned the toy in a small tree’s worth of packing paper. This was a long process. I assumed that this startlingly large box (really, 28 inches is BIG!!) might be a bit pricey to ship. However, I did not realize that my final shipping total was going to be more than the toy cost brand new–by a long shot. When he gave me the number, I choked a bit, and then said, “I can’t do that.”

By this time, the box was solidly packed. I thought that, if I could get it out of there, I might find a more reasonable shipping option. Sadly, even with the help of the nice man from the shipping store and a dolly, the box wouldn’t fit into my little car. In fact, the box was nearly half as big as my little car. So I called for reinforcements, and the box was eventually collected by my brother, who has a pickup.

Upon doing a bit more research, I learned that my initial shipping bid was the lowest I was going to find for that box. I was beginning to think that I would be carrying the toy to Chicago the next time we visited when my mom said, “I know a guy.” Her “guy” was a business contact, and he had mentioned to her that he could do some shipping. So, in desperation, I called her guy. He listened patiently to my story (I’m sure he thought I was a little bit off), and then said, “Well, in a box that size, you are going to pay an oversize fee. I might be able to put it into one of our standard shipping boxes. Why don’t you bring it down?” He then gave me a price quote that was approximately 20% of the original quote.

At this point, I had been dealing with the issue of the box for two hours. I was in tunnel-vision mode. I was hatching an elaborate plan for how I would leave the box where it was, fetch my own minivan, and drive it downtown later on.

Maybe by now, you can see the flaw in this story. Can you?

Because people who weren’t in my tunnel-vision mode could see it. The “guy” had offered a different box. The contents of the box had fit just fine in my tiny car before I had them put in the box. I didn’t actually have to take the box anywhere. All I had to do was open it up and take out the toy.

I offer you this story of my own tunnel-vision moment as a New Year’s gift. Are there any boxes that you’re stuck with? Is there a way to shift the perspective so that the box is easier to manage? Can you walk away from your box entirely? Because, once you step away from the box, life is infinitely easier.

Do you have your own “box” moment that you’d like to share? Feel free to do so in the comments.

P.S. The box turned out to be a marvelous addition to Christmas morning–and it will easily accommodate several kids and one slender adult. 😉

To all of my readers here–sorry for the very long delay in posting. I’m going to catch up now, so there will be a pile of posts all in a row, from my practice website. I promise I won’t bombard you with multiple daily posts after this.

As with everyone, I am both deeply saddened and perplexed by the loss of Robin Williams. There were so many people he became that found hope or gave the gift of hope or healing to others. I set out this evening to write a top ten list. What struck me is how many of his movies dealt with profound mental health, self care, and deeply personal issues. There is no possible way to rank them but the below title’s are certainly worth a look to think differently about mental health and interpersonal issues…

Good Morning Vietnam (1987)- The power of relating to others through humor and finding hope in a time of war.

Dead Poets Society (1989)- The healing power of creativity and poetry. This one really gets me as at one point, faces suicide head on.

Awakenings (1990)- The true story about the combination of music and medications healing others.