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Sunday, April 3, 2011

That Was One Hell of a Way to Find Out Your Next Grandbaby is on the Way...

Or in this case, that he or she wouldn't be.

I was pinned between my parents' large SUV and the car that they had parked beside. I had not seen it coming. I had no idea what was happening, but I could see my mother's face. She was towards the front of her car when the parked (and running) truck had come out of gear and slammed into the back end of their SUV. I had been standing towards the rear of their car, my back turned to the rest of the parking lot when it happened. I was pinned at somewhat of an angle at my hips between the cars and I was terrified. I felt the pressure of the weight of the vehicles on me and I remember thinking to myself, "Oh God. What if this doesn't stop?". But it did and not a moment too soon. I wiggled myself free, and then the shock of it hit me- Oh my God. I am 7 weeks pregnant and I haven't even told my parents yet. I have to go to the hospital, and now this is how they are going to find out??

Yeah, that was not how I pictured it would go. I thought for sure the fiance and I would be planning a day trip to our hometown after our 9 weeks appointment. After hearing the heartbeat, and seeing our Blueberry on the ultrasound screen. And then, we would visit our parents and tell them all the wonderful news...

But here I was instead. At the scene of an accident. A freak, stupid accident. The medics arrived, and asked me if I needed to go to the hospital. And I had to say yes. Yes, because I am 7 weeks pregnant. And I have already been having brownish spotting, and sporadic mild cramps for the past 2 days. The look on my mother's face is one I wish that I will never see again. It was a look of sadness, of horror, and complete and utter shock. And of the overwhelming concern only a mother can have.

We prayed that she would stay in there, not leave us. I imagined that when she was older we would be telling her the story of what happened when I was 7 weeks pregnant with her. How she had been a tough cookie, and a fighter from the get-go.

But I lost Blueberry the morning after the accident.In less than 24 hours, I had to tell my parents that I was pregnant and that I had then lost the baby. I had told my mom the day the accident happened that I could be miscarrying already, to not get too excited yet. But that didn't change her sadness when I had to make that call to her the very next morning. We can't know for sure if I was going to miscarry anyways, or if the accident was just too much for the already fragile pregnancy.

But I do know that my parents will be one of the first people who know that I am pregnant the next time that I am. I cannot bear for them to find out in a way like that again.

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