Making Spirit Cloth

03/05/2014

Having Time

when i was 18 i got married. it's a long story and not important here, but the point is, being alone. i married a man (boy) in the navy. one week after the wedding we moved to cocoa beach, florida. one week later he was flown to hawaii where his ship was. therefore, i was 18 and alone in a state where i knew one person. he was a man that my dad knew, not someone for me to hang out with.

so back to the point..i am again alone in a place where i know one person. this is the first time since i was 18 that i am alone. if you have never been anywhere that you didn't know anyone you can't imagine the feeling. but it is very strange. this time the one person is a neighbor that i see daily. i always let her know where i'm going that day. just so someone knows.

this is also a time of not working. strange to have time. i just spent 10 minutes watching the neigbors dog play with a lime. he thought it was a ball until he bit into it .. he is quite entertaining. only 8 months old and comes to visit me every couple of hours. i miss my dog a lot, so this is welcome.

while i was watching him it occured to me that i have time. you know that feeling that there is always something you should be doing. laundry, cleaning, working, gardening, etc.. the list goes on and on. and there is the errands... groceries, post office, library, drug store... you know. but here i don't have all that to do. i have time.

am i bored? people always ask that and i think connie is worried that i would be bored alone. (maybe because she thinks she would be). people think if you don't work and have a schedule you will be bored? don't you miss the babies? don't you miss work? aren't you lonely?

i am not bored!!! i am thrilled. i can spend 30 minutes watching the ships in the harbor, hours reading, stitching, knitting. i listen to a book on tape while stitching or knitting. i have watched two movies on my ipad. i can think. i can think about my life or my future but mostly i can just watch the thoughts come and go and be here.

i have always loved those days when i am home and don't have to go anywhere. now i have to make myself get up and go out. i wnat to see the city, but i have to walk most places. i have finally gotten a bus pass and now i just have to use it. but it's the getting out that's hard. i love not having to go anywhere. going out alone is the only time i wish for someone else to be here.

it's a gift to be alone, it was when i was 18 and now again. i am totally content.