Ask A Woman: Opposites attract? Or birds of a feather flock together?

If you’ve got a question that needs the female treatment, chances are you’re not the only one who wants to ask it. Beth is our source for the answers. From opinions on men’s style to decoding the sometimes mysterious ways of women, she’ll take on a different question every Thursday. She also might provide an answer without waiting to be asked. That happens from time to time too. Click here to get to know Beth, then get in touch with her by sending your question to: askawoman@dappered.com.

Beth,

There is a girl that I was acquainted with in college that I have randomly bumped into a few times over the past month. We hung out at a wedding and then at a bar afterwards and had a great time. I would like to ask her to get together sometime, but I am afraid that our lifestyles are too different to overcome. She is a beautiful/smart/funny girl who happens to have been heavily involved in YoungLife in college, which is a Christian college youth group organization. She drinks casually, but never more than a couple. I’m 99% sure she is a virgin. She rarely swears. She goes to church every Sunday. As for me, on the other hand: I consider myself a genuine, moral person and a good friend to have, but my lifestyle and values are different than hers. I am not very religious, I like to go out and drink more than just a couple with my buddies, I have had multiple sexual partners, I probably cuss more than I should… you get the idea. Is it worth asking her out, or do you think these differences are too much to overcome?

- Jake

Hi Jake,

I love that you asked this question because it gives us the opportunity to tackle a topic we really haven’t thus far on Ask A Woman: how much do you need to have in common with someone to make a relationship work? The two areas that spring to mind for me are core values and interests.

Core Values. Everyone has basic values that are important to them. Maybe these values align with your religious beliefs, maybe they follow your political leanings, maybe they have little to do with either. But whatever you feel is most important in guiding the way you live your life? Those are areas where your partner needs to meet you. For instance, if you believe that volunteerism and service is a moral obligation for you, and you have your fingers in several organizations–serving a meal each month at a shelter, being a Big Brother and meeting with your Little Brother every week to play basketball, donating financially to non-profits that fight poverty–it is likely important to you to see the same devotion to service reflected in your partner. And if this really is the most important moral tenet in your life–give back to the community–and your partner is right there with you, then it’s much more likely that you can successfully differ on other issues some might think would be polarizing (one of you is Jewish, the other is agnostic; one of you is liberal; the other is conservative), without it sinking your partnership. Plus, couples who participate together in activities and commitments that reinforce the values they share, are much more likely to have a solid relationship.

Interests. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s enough to be wildly attracted to the other person. You can get some serious mileage out of having dinner together and making out (or more) on someone’s couch while “watching a movie”. But eventually, companionship becomes as important as passion, and you need to share hobbies and interests with your partner. This is not to say that you have everything in common and the same personality. Perhaps one of you is extroverted, while the other is introverted, but you both love going to see live music. Maybe one of you grew up on a farm and the other in an apartment in the city, but you’re both total foodies and also obsessed with college football. You have to enjoy doing some of the same things, or else you won’t like spending time together. I know a lot of couples, too, who don’t necessarily share all of the same interests, but are really supportive of their partners’ differing hobbies. One friend competes in triathlons. Her husband has zero interest in this, but when she does her open-water swims during training, he paddles along in a kayak next to her to make sure she’s safe in the water (he’s also never missed a single race of hers). Another friend loves all things French and tries to get to Paris as often as possible. Her husband often accompanies her on these trips, even though he’s not exactly a Francophile, and he also bought her several subscriptions to French magazines so that she can keep her language skills sharp.

Doesn’t it seem like there’s an appropriate Paula Abdul song for all occasions?

For those at home shaking their heads and saying, “but my girlfriend and I are so different and don’t really have any similar interests or values but we get along great and have a good time,” my response, albeit harsh, is that I’d be very surprised if it lasted. When we’re talking about long-term commitment, and the intertwining of two lives, happy relationships require that the two partners meet on these basic levels.

So Jake, these are things to think about if you date her. Maybe others swearing doesn’t bother her. Maybe she doesn’t need her boyfriend to go to church with her. Maybe she doesn’t mind that you like to go out drinking with your buddies sometimes. Maybe she is realistic about the fact that most men her age are not virgins (though, certainly, you’ll need to be prepared to forgo sex if you want to be with her). And maybe there are many other, more important areas where you have a ton in common. The only way to find out? Date her. And I say, why not? Dating is not serious. As Tom Hanks says (WARNING: chick flick reference ahead) in Sleepless in Seattle, “This is what single people do. They try people on to see how they fit.” You’re not committing to a relationship by asking her out. It’s dinner, it’s a movie, it’s a concert, it’s coffee. No big deal. The only way to find out if you have overlapping values and interests is to date. And because she’s not a permanent fixture in your life–like your best friend’s sister or a colleague, there is relatively little risk involved.

Must Reads

Comment Rules: Write only what you’d say to a person’s face. Keep it civil and when you disagree, propose an alternative. Thank you for adding to the conversation.

Dismally Scientific

From a Christian perspective your faith, most likely, will be the largest determinant of her saying yes or no. If she does say yes and you start dating, she would probably expect you to convert and take your faith seriously. Because at the end of the day if she is heavily involved in Young Life, her biggest priority in a guy is (probably) finding someone who would one day be able to help her raise future Christian children. It might sound weird to think about that so early, but her Core Values are what defines her, and certainly something she wants to hand down.

Dappa

Well this is a bit silly. It’s like saying that if you are a republican (or democrat), you’d expect the woman to “convert and take your political leaning seriously” and “one day be able to help you raise future republican (or democrat) children”. Why does the religion gets this special treatment? One’s political leaning is just as much as his/her core values and just as strong identity as any religious faith in the 21st century.

In 2013, we should’ve grown up enough to accept/compromise/tolerate when choosing a mate instead of this sort of outright rejection purely based on religious leanings and having fundamental views. And let the kids choose whether they want to be a Christian, muslim, buddhist, or humanist/atheist instead.

Eldridge Cleaver

This letter sounds like my wife of 14 years and me. I can say this, being opposites doesn’t always make life easier. However, in the long run we have complimented each other, and each has grown and matured in ways that wouldn’t have been possible if we were more similar.

Before we married, my in-laws sat me down and explained that they wanted their grandkids to be raised in a Christian home. So far, that hasn’t been a problem. It is easy for me to concede things that I don’t feel strongly about, and since religion is more important to my wife and her family, our kids are being raised in a denomination I would have never considered 20 years ago.

I tell people that my wife is the yin to my yang, and I whole heartedly believe it.

Dismally Scientific

I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one. Speaking from a conservative Christian perspective it doesn’t get any more core than religious values. Think of it this way, the great commission is to go into all the world and make disciples of all nations. Your spouse and children certainly qualify as a subset of all nations.

Alex

I’m not religious but you are 100% correct.

fattsmann

I agree with you Dappa that it is close-minded, but that is the way some people are.

If she is heavily involved with a particular group, such as being a Republican or Christian, she will expect conversion. And if she doesn’t, then perhaps the family will expect this. Or her friends. These are the wrenches in the gears that you have to expect and prepare for.

I know of 2 cousins of mine that converted to Mormonism (!) because of the spouses and spouses’ families. Ultimately, the love and the relationship warranted that compromise for these 2 cousins of mine.

SolefulStrut

While I personally agree with your statement, the reality of my experiences do not. Religion has always received special treatment in this country. Not that it should…but again, reality reflects something else. Even aside from all that, parents generally intend to pass their belief system onto their children, right or wrong.

“In 2013, we should’ve grown up enough to accept/compromise/tolerate”
I absolutely & unequivocally agree. However, in watching our world spin, I really do not understand how you can make that statement with a straight face.

Matt Septer

Go for it man. Religion or not, Love is Love. If she would not want to give a good dude a chance because of your religious beliefs or lack-there-of, etc then all for the better. Here’s the thing, I have an issue with the topic of religion. Christians preach to not judge, but in sooo many cases this sadly happens. If she doesn’t give you the opportunity to show her that possibly all she’s been taught in church could be wrong, then you can go on with life finding someone who won’t care that you throw a few back or curse more than you should. I grew up in church. I don’t go anymore. I got tired of feeling inadequate. I am not. I’m a good dude with morals. If I choose to have some beer and say a “bad word”, I’m allowed. No one is perfect. If you respect her and her beliefs, she should do the same with you and yours. That is just called a RELATIONSHIP. My wife never went to church and she is one of the best people I know. Morals have nothing to do with religion. You CAN be a good person w/o living in church. If you go for it and she claims you aren’t religious enough, which I doubt she will, then let that girl GO man. #YOLO (cheesy but true) P.S. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you don’t deserve someone that might make you a better man.

kryogenix

Coming from a scientific mind, I would never be able to date, nor take seriously a person who believed in mythical sky creatures, from a book written during the bronze age by illiterates, filled with contradiction after contradiction, and who would one day possibly want to indoctrinate our children into such a horrible cult. My advice would be to run, run far away.

Dappa

Well my friend. Everything takes time. It’s just that a single human life is more often than not too short for it.

But just ‘cos you and I won’t see the results with our eyes, can’t experience ourselves doesn’t mean one has to be a defeatist. It will just have to be a constant struggle or else. Obviously I don’t share the same experience as you do, but even still, I refuse to give into cynicism (I said “should’ve”, didn’t I, eh?). And whether some likes or not, give it a enough time, 50 years, 100 years, or another 1000 years, things will change, for a better or worse -although I do think that some form of religions will remain as long as humans fear death.

DXLi

I dunno. There are some cool people out there who just happen to believe in a handful of unprovable things. Some people just like believing in happy endings.

theYeti

>run far away

I could say the same about people who put on the ‘beep boop rational logic’ hat every time faith comes up.

Judson M

Here’s the deal. Everyone has a religion. Whether it be science, agnostic, atheist, christian, buddhist, muslim, or amish etc. No matter what you claim or claim not to claim they define your world views and core values.

She is a christian. She has values and standards that might be different, but are just as strong and convicting as anyone else’s. Why penalize her for that or say its her lose for not wanting to date a guy who’s vaules don’t line up with hers.

Yes she might expect you to convert if you do start seriously dating. She also just might ask you to be supportive of her beliefs and leave it at that. The thing I am not seeing in a few comments (and most people who bash religion) is respect for the person.

Everyone has their own taste and desires in a future spouse, significant other and boo-thang. No one has any right to say those desires are right/wrong, shallow, weird, or unobtainable.

After saying all this. Go for it. Never know, you may actually like church…but be expecting to go even if she never asks….and if she doesn’t ever ask. Maybe you should try and go anyways. Talk about major brownie points!

hami1car

While your beliefs are certainly reasonable, it’s sad that you’d be so willing to denigrate others who don’t share them. The same is true in reverse, of course.

liurobs

Hi Dappa, it sounds like you’ve made up your mind, but I just wanted to chime in. If this girl is a “true” Christian, then I agree with Dismally Scientific. The thing that sets religion (or at least, Christianity, as it’s the only religion I’m even remotely qualified to speak on the behalf of) apart from other aspects from someone’s life, like your example of political leaning, that may affect one’s relationship is the fact that *true* Christianity (and likely other religions) is a life-changing aspect.

Granted, political leaning may be life-changing, but Christianity calls it’s followers to completely change their purpose in life; how can one date/marry someone who is, instead of aiding/following in that purpose, actually pulling n the opposite direction? Perhaps a Democrat and Republican marry, sure, they may be pulling in opposite directions, but their political alignings do not call them to completely and utterly change their lives and their purposes.

DXLi

Yeah, I agree. Scientism is just another kind of fundamentalism.

Ahem

You’re a funny man.

Watched some Krauss, have you now? It’s a verbatim. Still trying to decide whether you’re serious but being mischievous or a secret religious dude mocking the humanist/atheists since it’s like I’m reading it off Carlin/HItchens/Dawkins/Krauss best of “mocking religion” quote-hits.

Either way, good one, my lad. Nothing enrage folks more than flippantly mocking what he/she deeply has considered as his/her “core values” and spent his/her entire lives on – make no mistake, some religious nuts definitely do need such treatment. Now that you don’t get a death sentence for blasphemy, at least in most western civilizations, now is as good time as any to speak away.

Ahem

A plenty of Christian folks marries folks with other religions or atheists. It’s not 20th century anymore. Please don’t be so presumptuous that you represent all Christian folks and you’re the only true Christian. Sure if you go south, it’ll still tribalism as far as religion groupings, but how about join the 21st century? It’s a society because people mix and mingle and it will only get worse for you on that aspect. It will become more diverse, more interracial, multicultural. Yes, religions, too.

BTW, why do we get these religious zealot/missionaries here on a fashion site anyway? They are kinda scary.

liurobs

You’re right, I should have been more careful; I did not intend to speak for all Christians, nor should I have presumed to label myself a “true” Christian.

My understanding of true Christianity, however, is that it’s a life-changing, purpose-altering belief that should alter your life at it’s foundations.

I’m sure there are many people who marry between religions. And I know many that have worked. I’m saying that in the end, my understanding of Christianity is that if you’ve got a life-changing belief that you believe saves, how can you marry someone and love them and not hope/expect them to experience it as well?

If that makes me a religious zealot, I apologize for spewing my hate here.

Ahem

No it’s not. Judson M. Not having a religion is not having a religion. Period.

Stop being a disingenuous apologist already. Either that you really don’t know what you’re talking about and just grouping a bunch of things together -sadly not the first nor last I read this. I don’t believe in Zeus. Pretty sure neither do you. That doesn’t make me having a religion by default. That’d be quite silly now, would it? Those folks in ancient Greece were probably even more hardcord on Zeus, btw.

Atheist (and agnostic), by definition, is not having a religion. Why do these folks keep writing another crappy attempt to smear science as some sort of cult when it’s a process? Not a belief system like religion, I tell ya. And yet they have no problem hopping into a plane or taking antibiotics. If there is any belief in science, it’s that a scientist will believe that the plane will likely fly instead of falling off the sky since it works, based on the proven evidences/experiments. That’s it. The media keep putting Science vs Religion as they’re equal, but it’s not. One is a belief system while the other is a process. They’re two completely different things.

You know, one of the things I’ve always liked about Dappered is that the comments are almost always respectful in tone. I’m not sure calling someone disingenuous fits that tone.

I’d like to think we can have a respectful discussion about religion and dating, or even more generally core values.

Marshall Lilly

To Jake…go for it. There’s absolutely no way of knowing whether or not it will work out for you two in the long run at this point in time. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, but remember in the long run that most people have more failed relationships than successful ones…you only need to find ‘the one’ once.
In a broader sense though, I’m a fan of living my life the way I choose to and a) not forcing those choices on someone else, and b) not caring about other people’s choices unless it adversely affects me.

SolefulStrut

I appreciate your optimism. It is absolutely an ideal worth striving for. However, if the current trend continues, it could still be reversed.

Ahem

So if you mock religion in general like “kryogenix” did above (who didn’t attack anyone particular, but just the religion itself), your post gets promptly deleted by the Dappered’s moderator since it’s being disrespectful.

But if you smear science, agnostic, atheist like “Judson M” did, your post remains since well it’s perfectly acceptable to bash Science in USA. It’s to be expected, though, so it’s ok. I tried to correct it, albeit harshly, but alas, I get the ax instead…

Judson M

I did not bash science. I simply stated that science is something people believe in. That is the definition of religion, to believe in something. You believe in the scientific method, in logic, or other scientific facts and theory’s. There is nothing wrong with that.

What I was trying to say in my opening statement was that whatever you believe changes how you view and process the world and everything in it. So I don’t believe anyone should be at fault or wrong when they don’t agree with the actions or core values of someone else.

Trying to specifically tie this to the proposed relationship in the letter.

Ahem

Yes, I don’t have problem with your post except for saying that atheism/agnostic is a religion. Maybe you missed it, but I did write (in my deleted post), that not believing something doesn’t automatically make it a religion. If that were the case, not believing Zeus would be a religion. If you agree to that, okay then. Otherwise you’re bashing agnostic/atheist and to that extent, science. I explained why it was wrong to assume science being a belief system more thoroughly but my anger got the better of me and it was deleted. oh well.

And the definition of religion would be believing something without (scientific) evidence. It’s why it’s called faith-based. So you can’t equate the two. Nice try, though. Surely you wouldn’t call Science a faith-based? Hopefully you will understand why others feel you’re bashing atheism/agnostic/science and learn from it since it’s not cool to drop a cheap shot like that.

Loscv29

Your assertion that people “believe” in science is incorrect. Science isn’t theology. One does not CHOOSE to believe in it or not.

Greg_S

Comments that are attacking folks do get deleted, whether about religion or science. Judson does not appear to be attacking anyone, to me. Not that it matters, but I lean on the side of science and I deleted Kryo’s post.

Jared

Speaking also as a Christian, I love how your idea of tolerance is intolerant of those that disagree with you.

The top priority in a mate is similar core values. I’d like this girl’s phone number.

ike

Just my two cents but this was a very eloquent article about a very complicated issue and I think a lot of people in the comments are projecting their own issues with people of differing beliefs. Religion has a special place in the US because of its history, just as individualism does. (It should be noted I am not particularly religious.) The point of this article was to consider your core values and the core values of the other person. If someone is saving themselves for marriage I would say they are the type of Christian that would probably want you to convert. Which is totally ok if that works for the other person. It is equally ok for someone to not want to convert. For example an atheist is probably not going to be the best match for a religious christian. But there are obviously exceptions to every rule. I agree with the conclusion get to know the person better and figure it out for yourself.

Ahem

And where is the intolerance? Is his disagreeing with your fundamental views and objecting of using them to justify your intolerance being “intolerant”? C’mon now. That’s some Jedi mind trick you’ve got going there. Let it go, man. Just move on to other topics.

hami1car

I think your response is a good example of how anyone will take it personally when they feel their core beliefs are belittled, no matter what their position is.

Ahem

Funny thing is, for all religious folks yelling at atheists for not leaving them alone and being strident, it’s almost always the religious folks who start the thing by trying to convert everyone at any chance they get, whether it’s elections, classrooms, even science classrooms.

Even here, it’s the religious folks who started the ball rolling by preaching and spreading/trying to convert. Yeah, I get it, when you’re in love, you want to tell the world. But make no mistake, it’s the atheists pushing back, not the other way around. They have to, since they are vastly outnumbered. Now that blasphemy doesn’t equal death sentence (in most western civilizations anyway) anymore, we just have to get along, like it or not.

Huck

Totally agree with Beth here.

If you are both upfront with your lifestyles/differences I think it’s a great dating experiment, but it sounds like a horrible combination for a marriage. I know there are exceptions where this works, but the odds are long and do you really want to roll the dice like that on your long-term happiness?

Butch_Zee

She’s devoutly religious and you’re not at all religious? Run buddy, run.

Sigtweed & Corduroy

Interesting. Harsh reality? Long-term I doubt it would work, but you never know. Religion is dicey territory. I am not religious and personally I probably couldn’t have a long-term, serious relationship with someone that devout. I think the more pertinent issue is, if you feel like it won’t work already, it probably won’t, I think mentally he’d probably be trying to overcome these real and perceived hurdles a lot of the time. Life’s too short, there are other women out there.

http://dappered.com Joe

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF PAULA ABDUL?!?!

Dismally Scientific

I was just trying to give the Christian perspective, not discourage anyone from asking anyone out. I wasn’t trying to be preachy, but rather perhaps shed some light on a complicated issue. I agree with the conclusion of the article; ask her out, she’ll make her preferences known, but he won’t know what they are until he asks.

J. T.

I’m sorry, Beth, but this is one time I disagree. While I agree with the idea of dating someone to get to know them, it sounds like Jake already knows enough about her to know that they have some stark differences in their worldviews.

From personal experience, I started dating a girl who up front told me that her faith was the most important thing in her life. I was honest with her and said that while I had no religion in my life, that I would be open to her ideas of how the universe works and support her in her faith. I went to church with her a few times, talked about religion with her, and everything was fine…for a while.

After 6 months though, it wasn’t enough to just support her. She began to actively pressure me to fully convert, accept Jesus, and generally adopt her views about life and the Universe. When I eventually couldn’t take that constant pressure, I broke it off.

We later talked about why we broke up, and I explained all the objections I had with what she tried to make me do. In the end, she realized how much pain she had caused me, and how her religion had demanded that from her. She began to doubt her own faith and spiral downward into a state of constant spiritual turmoil. She is undergoing counseling now as treatment for her anxiety and depression.

If I could go backand warn myself, I never would have started dating her. It’s up to every man to make that decision for himself, but I wanted to pass along my experience. Seeing her collapse has been the hardest thing I’ve done in life, and being the cause of it will fill me with regret for a long time. Take care.

hami1car

Pretty much everyone in this comment section has been respectful and positive, but you’ve reacted very negatively. I’m sorry if you’ve had a bad experience elsewhere, but this community isn’t proselytizing, and I don’t think anyone here is in favor of an execution. I’m sure you’d agree that making broad negative stereotypes of large groups isn’t productive.

Imagine there’s no countries, It isn’t hard to do, Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too, Imagine all the people, Living life in peace… oh la la

fattsmann

To me, “religion” is how you believe, not what you believe.

Science has an element of faith as well — faith in people. You have to have faith in people telling the truth and being honest about their discoveries. You also have to have faith that people will eventually find the facts and truths that today cannot be explained. For example, right now we don’t have incontrovertible proof that dark matter exists — but hopefully in the future someone will be able to directly prove it exists.

So for me, science is not a religion. For some colleagues of mine, science is a religion — they will try to convert “non-believers” and they will preach to people, they will zealously defend papers and ideas that were written in the days of yore that they believe are fact. If you didn’t understand English, but observed the body language and behaviors, I feel you would be hard-pressed to observe any differences between my friends that are Science-preachers vs. those that are Jesus-preachers.

And I am in the science industry.

pavci

If I were in Jake’s shoes (disclaimer: I am obviously not him, so it’s all hypothetical), I would really discuss about her religion and why I am an agnostic atheist, ask her why she believe in things she does. I feel many religious folks get offended for simply questioning their faith and get all defensive and/or refuse to talk any further, yet many others also seem to quite eagerly discuss their faith and how they come to that. If you can’t even get challenged because that may make you lose your faith, it’s not the faith worth holding on. I’m sure thoughtful religious folks would know that.

Ask things like “do you believe simply because your parents told you to from young age or do you believe after serious reflections after becoming an adult? or “how do you feel about one’s religion mostly based on geological birth place (i.e. most people in middle east are muslim, people in mid/southern states are Christian, people in India are Hindus) when the religions are incompatible from each other, etc.” things like these are completely legitimate questions. Probably not good idea to refer the God as “cosmic saddam hussein” or similar sorts when talking to her. Many young adults (even older ones) surprisingly (and sadly) haven’t thought about why they believe (or not believe), but simply do because that’s what they’ve told while they grow up. If she is a thoughtful person and is not closed-minded, has weighed pros and cons in her religion and decided to a believer in the end, that’s fine. And she shouldn’t feel threatened by questions. The point should be not trying to convert her, but to engage and find out. If she can’t do that, forget her. It’s a trouble: you’d be thankful later dodging that darn landmine.

TDubin

Man-up and exhibit some self-control. The excess drinking has to stop anyway – I’m 50 and my friends that didn’t stop are miserable, sick or dead. Control the cussing – save it for when it’s really needed. You can give her time to go to church and church-related functions and respect her values.

I don’t usually comment on religion stuff but I have to correct you but the definition of religion is not to believe in “something” it is more specific-the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods.

The definition of faith is what you stated-belief in something or someone. but faith also has it ties to religion with a second definition- strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

Science is not faith based or religious based. It’s based on facts with proof to go with it, but everyone is free to believe what they wish, after all this is America and we are lucky to have that freedom.

Justin Brown

Agnostic Atheist?

stephenheleker

Religion (specifically the Christian family of religions and Islam) are fundamentally different than political ideologies.

After all, no one would seriously assert that you have to believe in strong social programs to have an eternal afterlife. It’s easy to dismiss that difference if you are nonreligious, but consider how differently you would feel if you believed it. Would you really be willing to sign up to have your kids raised not believing in the ONLY metaphysical truth, not exposed to God, who wants to make their lives full and give them eternal life?

I’m not a believer, but I have to believe that you’d need to be stubborn or stupid not to see how religion could be a deal-breaker for marriage or serious dating for a devoutly religious person. I would argue that having it not be a deal-breaker could be a sign of intellectual dishonesty.

david

dappa, first off, I’m gonna say that you’re most probably a liberal.
as a side point, notice how liberals tend to be “cool” with everybody else until those people come near their values. a liberalistic view of the world is a world where everyone deserves to be treated equally. where everyone gets along and respects everyone else. why then, cant a liberal accept that if you’re ok with someone or something when they don’t infringe on your rights, why cant you be ok with them when they have opposing views?

The world that you are suggesting that we live in is a world which cannot exist solely because of the point that kids need role models. They cannot choose on their own. Their freedom of choice is biased by what they see their parents do. Are you suggesting that we send these kids off to an “agnostic type” school where they can choose whatever they’d like based on your liberal views?

and to answer your main question, it just so happens to be that a religious person has certain rules and guidelines on how to live your life. if for some reason, your state would put out a book stating a list of new laws that dictate how to live your private life, would you be ok with that? or would you protest and say that your state/country has become a regime led by religious people who are set on combining church and state?

bottom line is, yes, religion really matters. a religious person is someone who leads a life after a core set of values set by his religion plus some of his own. political parties don’t demand that. they don’t say what you should value because the second they do, people like you will get up and protest that your civil rights have been infringed. political leaning does not show what you believe in, in regards to everyday life. political leaning is just the way you view and want your rights and obligations to be. in a dating world, the other person wants to know what she’s getting into. i might be able live with a democrat but i wouldn’t be able to live with a religious christian who says grace every meal. when you date, you are trying to get to know this person, hopefully for a meaningful relationship. meaningful relationships tend to go places and once they do, you have to live with the other persons lifestyle. if that means saying grace, going to church, and having to go to her parents for all holidays, you’re gonna have to. you date so you know what you’re getting into and so you have an idea of whether or not this person is compatible with you.

Men’s Fashion or Affordable Style?

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