Ok, I think I'll try the picure thing, I put some on photbucket. I am wondering though, when I see a post I want to read, I click on it and what comes up first is all the replys. Any place I can reset that so I read the post first and have the replys follow, like our old site?

This is the thread for everyone to contribute to! In order for any online community to work - there should be guidelines that all can understand & follow.

Please give some thought to this and add your thoughts/suggestions below. You can use many different ways to do this. Words that help/words that hurt, cliches, etc.

Always remember first and foremost. This is YOUR board. We need to keep it safe and user friendly.

My thoughts, as always, regard the diversity on the board. We have many people here of many different religions & different beliefs. I believe that no child/parent should ever have to feel guilt and/or question the "salvation" of their child's soul. Guilt is our worst enemy. It denies us the opportunity to grow through grief.

And now, I turn the thread over to you to add your thoughts.

PLEASE - you may disagree with someone's thoughts or beliefs. Do NOT attack them for this.

We are all adults here who have been through a terrible tragedy.

I will exercise moderator powers in the case of any racial/racist remarks and this includes remarks made in a malicious fashion towards a religion/beliefs, remarks seen as stereotypical/profiling, etc. These posts will be immediately deleted.

Love,Dena, Josh's Mom

« Last Edit: July 13, 2011, 03:24:58 PM by Terry »

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Louise

I agree with Katie about religion.I think saying I'm praying for you or bless you is OK,because that is a form of endearment and kindness,but I mean to talk about certain religions or aspects of it,that could hurt someone, that is all i can think of right now.Love,Louise[keren's mom]

None of you have ever heard from me before, as I have never posted here. I am familiar with this board, though. I am Chadís father and Deb Hís husband. This morning we were talking about guidelines for the board Ö I believe there was a request for input.

As I mentioned, I am quite familiar with this board, as Deb and I often talk about it and the people with whom she converses, and I feel I even know some of you through her. I know the board has been a source of comfort for her over the years, but I also know it has at times been a source frustration, and sometimes, hurt and anger. And it seems to me that a forum designed for the specific purpose of offering and giving some measure of comfort and understanding to people who have suffered the loss of someone very dear to us should never be the source of frustration, hurt, or other negative feelings. So I asked her if she minded if I say my piece Ö so for what itís worth, here you go.

Itís a difficult thing to do Ö trying to bring a group of people together for the purpose of providing comfort and understanding when the very people who seek and provide that comfort here are so different. We all share the one thing we wish we did not share Ö having lost a precious person in our lives. It is the one thing (and probably the only thing in most cases) that we do have in common. Death touches everyone. It has no prejudice and no favoritism. Black or white, rich or poor, old or young Ö it doesnít matter. We all feel the pain of the same kind of loss. But beyond that, we are all different. We each have our own feelings, beliefs, opinions, and ideas. The differences can go very deep when we consider spiritual differences and views on what is moral and what is not. Yet, each of us has a right to the feelings and ideas and beliefs that make us who we are. None are right and none are wrong. And we DO have the right to share and express them without reprisal or criticism. However, we DO NOT have the right to impose our views, beliefs, etc. onto anyone else.

It seems to me that if we keep the very purpose for this board at the forefront of our minds and hearts whenever we come here, the rest should fall into place quite easily. If we take ownership of our own feelings, beliefs, etc. and allow everyone else to do the same, we can be a loving help to each other while not allowing our differences to get in the way. If we think carefully about what it is we want to share, and choose our words carefully, we can each freely express ourselves while being sensitive to the differences between us. I have always felt that many times, how we say something is just as important (maybe even more important) as what we say.

So, thatís my two cents Ö plain and simple. Nothing magical. Itís known by some as the ĎGolden Ruleí Ö treat others as you want to be treated yourself.

I hope each of you enjoys the holidays coming up and that you can share them with family and friends. I know these times can also be difficult Ö because itís at these times we usually miss them the most Ö the ones who arenít here. Still, maybe thatís how it is supposed to be. We have to feel pain to know what itís like to not have pain. We have to experience sadness in order to know the joy of happiness. I guess itís how we know that we love, and are loved in return.

Gordy

This is Debh now and I would like to thank my hubby for joining us today and I at this time have nothing to add, he sums up very nicely how I feel.

I will take time to think through words that are painful to me and post more later, Racial remarks, alcohol and drugs I am sensitive with, blood curdling and hang are painful words both pertaining to the deaths of my boys.

Special thanks to Tom and Dena again for doing all they do for us at this board.

Hope your holidays are peaceful and you feel the love of your children, family and friends close to you.

Love to our children and loved ones who are not with us today and forever missed.

I think having guidelines is an excellent idea. I have learned the hard way that saying the wrong thing can hurt someone even when it wasn't meant to. I also think Gordy summed it up well. Treat others as you want to be treated. We all have words or phrases that might bring images of emotions. Everything reminds me of my son.

I only ask that we not assault someone who may say something unintentionally that hurts. I am a recovering alcoholic and people say things all the time on the board that hurt, but that's not my purpose here and I understand the anger and rage, but sometimes we just have to hold on to our own feelings and think about another.

I too am so sorry for everyone who has to go through this experience of losing a child. I hope most of all we can demonstrate true love and concern for anyone coming here that wants and needs help.

Hello Everyone: We are on our way to dinner but I couldn't leave without responding. I will give the topic much more thought but to Debh and Gordy (so wonderful to hear from you) Debh you said it best... A suggestion, let's use the word 'SENSATIVE"

instead of the other word

I hope that this word can help some of us who might not read a topic, etc. because it it too difficult. Rebecca Jason's Mom

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starynyte

Ok, I think I'll try the picure thing, I put some on photbucket. I am wondering though, when I see a post I want to read, I click on it and what comes up first is all the replys. Any place I can reset that so I read the post first and have the replys follow, like our old site?

under your profile there is a setting for this

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starynyte

Ok, I think I'll try the picure thing, I put some on photbucket. I am wondering though, when I see a post I want to read, I click on it and what comes up first is all the replys. Any place I can reset that so I read the post first and have the replys follow, like our old site?

they need to be resized using a photo editing software program, if you like, you can email me the pic and I'll resize it for you.

The view I am about to express is mine alone, maybe some sort of insight into me and my characteristics or personality. I am by no means disagreeing with everyones desire to have guidelines, I'm flexible and will adjust accordingly. Wow, I agree mostly, but before you get upset with my "mostly"statement, let me explain. I've had issues with religion growing up with Roman Catholic abusive hypocrites so I tend to stay away from the "God Bless You" sort of stuff, but as for offending me? No, it doesn't offend me, agitates me at times because I'm a little angry with the powers that be. I spent a lifetime search on religion and spirituality and finally found a shoe that fits me. For me it's private, although I am willing to discuss it, I just don't usually bring it up. I still can't watch movies or shows with bad car crashes in them, my baby didn't survive one so I adjust my media watching. I try to take others words at face value and given the fact that we are all here with this horrible common bond, I guess I choose to believe that anything said in a way that might cause me pause is coming from a "brother" or "sister" and isn't intended to hurt me, offend me or anger me, it's just the way they chose to express those sometimes rambling thoughts that need out. I imagine I've been guilty of that and I do try to temper my words, no outward swearing but I do say things like "s***" or things similar. I guess if I read something that doesn't strike a cord for me at the time, I move on and if it's something I disagree with or have a viewpoint on, I will either reply or not according to my mood. Maybe , well no, I was gonna say, head the topic religious in nature but then a lot of valuable viewpoints and positive support might be missed by those not "into" religion. I really want to say Thanks to Gordy who so eloquently put into words the main diet of how I try to live my life. A lot of things that bother other just don't faze me, to many other things to worry about and if folks are happy, then more power to them, as long as it hurts no one else. I'm here and willing to conform as best I can.

Ok, I think I'll try the picure thing, I put some on photbucket.† I am wondering though, when I see a post I want to read, I click on it and what comes up first is all the replys.† Any place I can reset that so I read the post first and have the replys follow, like our old site?

they need to be resized using a photo editing software program, if you like, you can email me the pic and I'll resize it for you.

Hey Thanks Cherri Chris's Mom- I have those goofy programs on my 'puter if I need to revamp but I thank you for your offer. If I was running a dinosaur computer I'd have needed that help. Good day to ya!

Hi Dena..I am not sure how to post a picture with my comment. I have one beside my post but I also want to have one in my post..Not sure how to do this..I see the insert image button but when I click on it it just puts this....Thanks for any help...Karen

It appears that none of my posts are showing.Also, I had to re-register to be able to access the boards for replies.I re-registered using the same name as before and pw. *shrugs*I have no idea what I am doing wrong.