PAP to Disaster Victims: Time to Go

Rocky Twyman, spiritual leader of the Pray at the Pump movement and the self-styled conscience of Capitol Hill, feels terrible about all the natural disasters that have plagued Americans as of late.

But enough is enough.

During a vigil tentatively set for May 28 (10 a.m.-noon), Twyman will prod our elected leaders to move those most susceptible to Mother Nature’s fury out of harm’s way.

“Our picket signs will proudly read: ‘Obama and Congress — The Time Has Come to Ban People From Living in Tornado Alley and New Orleans’ … and ‘America Is Going Broke Paying for These Disasters,’” Twyman detailed in the announcement for his latest protest.

When pressed about where the already suffering populace should be redirected, Twyman tossed out a number of alternatives. “I suggest that they be displaced to some of the sparsely populated states that need a larger tax base,” he told HOH, lobbing out Youngstown, Ohio, as a solid contender.

Twyman is also in favor of having Congress authorize a reverse homestead credit (“The government would give some special bonuses to people who move out of these highly volatile areas,” he posited.)or provide tax breaks to those willing to shoulder the massive relocation costs. “Perhaps Warren Buffett, Bill Gates and the many Citizens United donors should consider providing some funding to help the country they love survive,” he suggested.

Still, he sounds willing to at least allow Congress to have the last word. “A bipartisan panel would need to be formed to look at the proposal,” Twyman said.

Lawmakers, meanwhile, could probably use a little divine intervention as well.

“Prayer, fasting plus a pope exorcism will solve this problem in a heartbeat,” the devout prayer warrior predicted, reiterating his burning desire to have Pope Francis travel stateside to “drive away these weather demons and those uncompromising spirits that are plaguing this nation and dragging it down.”