Who Has A Spring Fling and Why?

Spring Flings -- Harmless Fun or Dangerous Territory?

Advice Seeker :

Dear April Masini,"

The weather got warm and I am suddenly like a boy-crazy middle-schooler--except that I'm 25! It seems that all I want to do is meet new men, go out with them, and hey, yeah, my hormones are a little out of control too! I know that I can't get into anything lasting at the moment with the way that my work schedule is, but I wouldn't mind a little harmless spring fling or two.

The problem is, my friends think that I'm asking for trouble if I pursue relationships knowing they won't go anywhere. Do you have any tips or advice for spring flinging?

Sincerely, Spring Flinger

"

April Masini's Advice :

Dear Spring Flinger:

People have spring flings because it feels good. Literally. They happen all the time and can be harmless, but you need to decide for yourself whether this is a good time in your life to have a fling and whether you're in a place emotionally where you can do it.

First of all, spring and summer flings are more noticeable in warm weather -- the truth is that people fling all year long. It's just that it's easier for them to keep it quiet and secret underneath parkas, down coats and in the blur of a blizzard or snow storm.

In nice weather like spring and summer, it's easier to see people strolling in the park, walking hand and hand or kissing by the lake. And one good idea breeds imitations, so lots of people get the idea that this might be something they'd like to do, too. Before you know it, everyone's flinging in the spring and summer -- and you can see them doing it!

Three Ways to Know:

Summer flings can be delectable and sensual relationships, but there are certain times in peoples' lives when spring and summer flings are easy to come by:

1. Changes in place or job. Anyone who's having a change of venue for the summer is going to see things differently, and will be more open to a new relationship. Summer camp counselors, summer school teachers and students, summer vacationers and people who move in the summer will have the opportunity to see things away from any rut they may have fallen into.

2. Body changes. Everyone takes more clothes in the summer, on a regular basis, than during any other season, so not only do you get to see some hot bodies, you get to feel your own as you walk, move, accept the sun's rays, slather on sunscreen, roll in the sand, on the freshly mowed grass, etc. Wearing a bathing suit makes you feel your body differently, and act differently than wearing a down jacket and a pair of Ugg boots.

3. Heat. It's hard to concentrate on work when the heat is on, and your mind will wander. If there are sexy, romantic people or situations to distract you, it won't be hard to put down your work, and think about steamy possibilities with that certain someone you've never noticed (that way) before.

Why Spring Flings are So Popular Among Young People:

At 25 and single, you're in the prime spring fling demographic!

Most young people aren't already married, so they're naturally more prone to looking for relationships. Young people are also more hormone driven than older people, so the idea of a romance or sexual fling will occur to them quicker and more often.

Young people are often out and about other single young people at school -- whether it's high school, college or university -- or spending an active outdoor weekend with other young people, making them more susceptible to the lure of the spring and summer fling -- nice weather that encourages less clothing and visibility of others.

What type of person prefers a fling over a relationship?

Here's where things get tricky. You need to be careful that you and your co-flinger are on the same page -- and that you are in fact, someone who can handle this sort of flirtation. Here are some characteristics of people who prefer flings:

Someone who's impulsive or has impulsive tendencies will be governed by their heart (or other body parts) other than their head. If you can't be with the one, love the one you're with are the words to an old song that became popular because of it's truth. Sometimes it's nice to love and be loved -- even if you know it's not going to be forever.

Someone who is really focused on being in a relationship that is monogamous, meaningful and long term won't be fling-susceptible. Their focus will override any impulses.

Some of the problems that come along with a spring fling:

A fling is great fun, but I get so many readers writing me asking why a relationship isn't lasting, and my advice to them always is -- don't waste your time with someone who isn't interested in the same thing you are. That requires self-knowledge. Know what you want and be clear on it. That's more than half the battle. Then be honest -- both with yourself and with any potential partner about what you want and about what they want. Somebody can be delectably attractive, but a waste of time because you both want different things. Keep your eye on the ball. If it's a fling you want, go for it. If you're not being honest, and it's not really a fling you want, stay focused.