Making friends is an important mission for elementary-school children, as they increasingly separate from the family and broaden their horizons with the larger social circle that school offers. At this age, children are able to develop more complex relationships, and they find that making friends is a truly gratifying experience. In addition, their allegiances will continue to shift away from their family and toward their peers, whom they'll spend more time with than ever before.

Friendly feedback

Six- to 8-year-olds learn a lot about themselves from the feedback they get from friends, and other kids' reactions play a significant role in their developing self-image. If your child's classmates like her artwork, for instance, she'll think that she's artistic. Or if other kids laugh at her jokes, she may decide she's funny. In other words, she'll get a more complex idea of who she is from her encounters with peers. If they accept her, she'll feel full of self-worth. If, on the other hand, they reject or ridicule her, self-esteem may plummet. It's at approximately this age that peers tend to pick on or tease children who are less able or less capable than other kids.

A matter of choice

At this age, children find their own friends. They often pick pals with similar traits, patterns of play, interests, activities, or hobbies. Don't force a friendship if the chemistry isn't there. As with adults, not every child's temperament, personality, or style clicks with every other kid. Don't be overly concerned about how many friends your child has or whether she's popular. Some kids are happy to spend a lot of time with one best friend; other, more gregarious souls thrive on having many good buddies. As long as the friends have a positive influence on each other, relax.

Positive peer pressure

Six-, 7-, and 8-year-olds will make a concerted effort to share, please their playmates, and resolve conflicts on their own. If your child wants to take a spin on her best friend's bike, for instance, she and her friend will find a way to take turns that they can both accept. Peers can also encourage, support, and challenge each other to try harder in school, sports, and artistic avenues. If your child's best buddy is an avid reader, her enthusiasm for reading may be all your child needs to get hooked on books. Similarly, your child may strive a little harder on the playing field if she wants to emulate a classmate who is a standout at soccer.

Not-so-positive peer pressure

While you can't choose who your child picks as friends, you can point out when peers are encouraging her to act in a way that isn't true to her nature. Then, rather than telling her what to do, ask her questions about this peer predicament to help her figure out a solution on her own.

Resist the urge to banish a bad egg from your child's social circle. Most children won't respond well if you tell them not to spend time with someone they consider a good friend. Instead, encourage your child's friendships with other children whose behavior, values, and interests meet with your approval. Invite these children to your home or to accompany you on organized activities with your child.

When the opportunity arises, let your child know in a calm, reasonable tone what concerns you about her difficult playmates. Focus on specific behaviors (why Betty's bullying bothers you or why Tiffany's troublemaker tendencies tick you off) rather than criticizing the child's character. Don't forbid her from hanging out with these friends, but do let her know what the consequences will be if she engages in their unacceptable behavior. "'No' is not a bad word to use with this age group," says developmental pediatrician Olson Huff of Asheville, N.C. "Just kindly and politely tell her: 'We don't do that.'" That way, you can bolster your child's self-esteem by showing that you trust her to take responsibility for her actions and make the right decisions.

What to watch out for

If your child truly has no friends (particularly if she says she's lonely, feels socially inadequate, or has low self-esteem), it may be cause for concern. Your child could have trouble making friends for a whole host of reasons. She may be shy or overly aggressive, or have a speech impediment or poor gross motor skills, which could limit her ability to participate in games. In a subtle, non-intrusive manner, try to find out why she doesn't have pals. If she senses you're anxious about the situation, she may withdraw or deny that she has a problem. Calmly ask her questions such as, "Are there children at school whom you would like to be friends with?" and "Are you worried about what the other kids think of you?"

Casually observe your child in action with her peers, talk with her teachers, and then – equipped with this information – sit down with your child to chat about any difficulties she has finding friends. Together, map out a plan that she can follow that may make it easier for her to succeed socially. Suggest that she invite someone over whom she'd like to have as a friend. Or point out your child's strengths – her passion for painting, for example – and help her find opportunities to meet other children with the same interest, such as at an art class.

If your efforts to help your child aren't successful and she continues to have problems making friends, seek help from her pediatrician or a child psychologist. Although this can be a difficult and painful process for parents and children alike, once a child gains the confidence and tools she needs to get along with her peers, she'll reap the rewards and experience the joys of true friendship.

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