This will sound dramatic ...

I doing this ftm gig solo (well 95%). I ebf. I'm all AP all the way :) I've been attached to LO for 3 1/2 months. Things are going very well. The two of us got things squared away. I have to hire a caregiver for 9-12 hours a week. She will sit for me while I'm at home working on my thesis. Because I ebf she will have to bring me my LO. Also, when she naps, most times she needs to nurse to fall asleep. She sleeps very well in my lap/arms for over an hour but only 15-20 min when placed in her crib. I'm worried that this caregiver isn't going to work. That I'm just going to end up doing all of the careing anyways. Any suggestions, encouragement, like experiences ... How can I help this new caregiver to be AP with my daughter without me taking control?

Comments (3)

When you are interviewing, ask about whether or not the caregiver will be open to XYZ aspect of AP that you are worried about (nursing, babywearing, etc.) I would also ask for specific examples on activities they'll be doing with your LO as well as how they'll handle any upsets by your LO. GL I can't imagine trying to focus on a thesis while having such a small one at home.

What a great mom you are and what an amazing example you are setting for your daughter. I have a one year old and I'm in med school. My husband lives 2 states away for work, so I am effectively a single parent. I searched high and low for a caregiver for my son and when I met the right one, I just *knew.* I wrote out a document explaining my parenting philosophy and my expectations for her. I can honestly say that LO has adjusted very well-- although he nurses to sleep when we are together, he is used to falling asleep with her while rocking with a bottle of pumped milk (and sometimes no bottle). They have found their own rhythm, and it is different from what he is used to doing with me but it works very well. LO knows that his caregiver has one method and with mama it's another. My focus would be on finding a provider who is gentle, kind, patient, and geniune. I think you can sense these qualities with your mother's instinct. Could you consider pumping a bottle for the times when your sitter is over and you really have to have your nose to the grindstone? Perhaps your sitter could eventually try putting your daughter asleep for her nap; I know that my LO goes to sleep much more efficiently for his caregiver than he does for me (he literally lays down in his crib for her....with me he wants to nurse and cuddle until he's completely zonked).

I understand the need to focus on your studies. One thing that works well for me is that I do most of my studying/work after he goes to bed. When I get home from class, my focus is totally on LO-- we play, read, share a meal, and cuddle to sleep. After that, I study study study. This "single mother"/school/work thing is tough, but keep the end in mind and remember what a shining light you are for your little girl who will one day grow up to appreciate your devotion, hardwork, and strong character. Best of luck!

I think it would be more productive to go to the library to study. I have found that when I'm home, my daughter would know and would want me. But, if I was out if the house, she would do just fine with Grandma. I don't think you could get much done if you spend half the day nursing and holding a sleeping baby (plus, you will still have to pay the sitter during that time, even though she won't be doing anything)

--

-Rachel O,Mama toAllison Jan'10 & Nathan Aug'12

~Check out my newborn diaper sewing blog for pics and reviews of many different diaper patterns