This Is The Wrong Kind Of Munchies

I can’t eat or drink after midnight so I can’t stop thinking am I hungry? am I thirsty? should I eat just in case? wait maybe I am thirsty? what if I get hungry at 1 a.m.? should I eat now for 1 a.m. Alex? forget it, I’m just thirsty. or hungry? thirsty? anything? I’ll just eat.

In fact, I had to leave myself a note because I was worried these questions would turn into I AM THIRSTY I AM HUNGRY by Monday morning.

I feel bad for everyone I meet pre-op because I’m not a morning person as is…

Oh, I can’t eat or drink after midnight tonight because I have a kidney stone which won’t leave my body and is too close to my bladder for soundwave treatment so I get stuck with a scope, a laser and a stent going into a place I only want things to come out of.

In fact, I found the whole surgery thing so unappealing, I waited 8 days — 2 of which I could not talk, type, read, or watch TV because I was in so much delirium from pain and nausea. Looking back on those first few days, I’m astounded kidney stones exist. Not only have we not cured something that causes that much chaos in a person’s world, but we don’t even understand why most people get them. WTF, medicine? I’m peeing blood, and we’re all WAIT AND SEE.

But when I finally made it to the urologist after 72 hours of no stone unstuck, I was told of this horrible surgery option or wait and see some more. I chose waiting and water and Flomax and a 50% shot at it working. Of course, there’s also 50% shot at nothing working over the next 3 weeks for size of my stone (thanks medical school lectures) so I also scheduled the surgery and gathered my friends and family to think moving, rolling, sliding, passing thoughts.

As it turns out, prayers don’t move kidney stones like they move mountains because I have less than 12 hours to pass this baby before I’m being prepped for ureteroscopy and friends.

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.