Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I think the last step in cutting that cord from an unhealthy (for me) friendship is letting go of expectations.

I don't expect anything from this person anymore, I don't expect she'll be there when I need her. I don't expect her to be there when I just want her to be there. I don't expect her to even understand how her actions have hurt me.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

History repeats itself, right? Unless we learn from it. I learned from mine, trust me and since my mid-20s, I'd say I am doing pretty good. I also believe that unless somebody is willing to make a change themselves, no force around them can make them change. I learned that too in my mid-20s. See the connection? So, once I realized I needed to make a change, I stopped making the same mistakes. I had help too, from my family. They were my harshest critics, and my staunchest supporters. I had a couple really good friends. I had a network of support beyond those friends too. But, the initial need for the change had to come from deep inside me. Everyone else's support helped bolster me once I made the decision in my brain and in my heart.

I find myself sometimes on the other side of the fence, as that friend or as part of that network who wants to help somebody else climb out of their deep pit of mistakes. But, where do you stop trying and decide that it is a waste of your time and emotion and effort, because this person shows no effort of their own or even any will to make that change themselves? They keep putting themselves in the same situation over and over again. You support them everytime the situation goes sour but then, they manage to find another one. Additionally, while they are in that situation, they treat you like second fiddle. They treat you like an unfair weather friend. You know what I mean? This isn't the first time, or the second time or even the third time they've done this to you?