Talk:Dick Cheney

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I love Dick Cheney. He turns me on. I imagine him naked and faps to his pictures. I'm fapping right now. *fap fap fap*122.2.103.40 20:26, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Cheney is Bismarck reincarnated. Think about it!
(UTC)

There are so many things to make fun of about Cheney; why make the entire article a dumb robot schtick? If anyone wants to redo the article, they have my full support. Cheney's too good of a target for humor to have an article like this. -- Rei 00:31, 16 February 2006 (UTC)

Because the robot schtick is funny without being mean! But, hey, if you really want to find a politician where "there are so many things to make fun of", tell me, what do you think of the Bill Clinton article??? --Jester 01:31, 19 February 2006 (UTC)

If it weren't for the randomness, ramblingness, and internal inconsistancies, it'd be quite funny. You make fun of your target whether you support them or not. You don't write random offtopic junk about them or make fun of their name.

Heck, none of the pictures even show him as a robot. Seriously, this article needs a rewrite. I'll even do it if I get a second (I won't do it if I'm voted down, of course). Lets take a poll. Can I have a whoop whoop? -- Rei 18:21, 27 February 2006 (UTC)

Can you show me an example? What do you think of the Bill Clinton article? --Jester 23:02, 28 February 2006 (UTC)

An example of randomness, ramblingness, and internal inconsistancies? Sure. "1456-7173"; "690th stupid president". The "sex with dead people" part. The pointless vulgarity at the top of "Life". The junk about Barney the Dinosaur, kittens, and clubfoot. Amsterdam, "Predacon" (?), fleshlight (?), radishes... need I go on? That's another article that could use help - there's as much to make fun of about Clinton as there is to make fun of about Cheney ;) -- Rei 00:40, 1 March 2006 (UTC)

Ok it's all good boys, nice writin' and all but from here on out the idea is to make the article FUNNIER... got it? ok let's get out there and do a good job ok!?--Smokydoggg 19:07, 1 September 2007 (UTC)

Dick Cheney was in the Nixon Administration and was Secretary of Defense for president George H. W. Bush.
I had added some comments about both. I feel that they were not out of line or vulgar.
--SIGSEGV 19:32, 27 November 2007 (UTC)

Proposal for addition:

Dick Cheney entered government in 1968 when he hired as a staff member of the Nixon administration. With his dastardly disposition and evil smile he quickly rose through the ranks and soon was the head of the Office of Dirty Tricks and Deception. There he met Donald Rumsfeld. Cheney and Rumsfeld quickly bonded as brothers at arms. When President Nixon resigned Cheney dropped from public view and began to plot his revenge against the Constitution, the news media, and all those who have sought to destroy him. --SIGSEGV 05:09, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

I sort of rewrote this, to include more political satire. I tried to keep some of the old robot stuff, along with some of the Star Wars stuff, but got rid of some of the less good parts. Opinionses? --THE 12:58, 2 September 2007 (UTC)

"He has briefly assumed the presidency twice, the first time being when president Bush recieved a colonoscopy, and the second time being the next day when Bush went back to the doctors after realising that the camera was still stuck inside his vagina (which no one knew he had)."
What do you guys think?

"Dick Cheney immediately went on a four week vacation after he was erected. He then went back to the shithouse, collected his paycheck, tied his balls together, and went on another vacation.

Then came the attacks of September 11th. While President Bush was being fucked by Monica Lewinsky, Cheney was in Cancun getting his dick waxed. "When I heard what had happened, I wasted no time and immediately ordered a martini." says Cheney.

When he got back to the shithouse two months later, Cheney made the rounds of the Sunday morning sex shows, where he blamed an ant who lived in his pubic hair for the September 11th attacks, despite the fact that the airplanes used to perpetrate the attacks had "Hijacked by terrorists who have never been to Iraq" painted on them.

Some have wondered whether Cheney blaming the attacks on the ant may have had something to do with the fact that Cheney is a dickhead. Whatever the reason, Cheney proclaimed that the ant was in possession of 400,000 nuclear penises, along with a vagina capable of destroying an entire continent. As evidence, he pointed out the presence of a very suspicious looking empty water pee next to the ant hill that "most definitely contains nuclear weapons." Cheney asked Congress for a prostitute, and the war in Iraq began."

That's pretty much a carbon copy of the original article, with the words "penis" and "vagina" randomly inserted throughout the piece. It's possible to be funny without sex jokes. I admire your efforts to improve the page, however, this suggestion basically adds a sex joke every other word. As AAA said, let's try to keep it realistic, as satire often is. --THE 21:28, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

"The war began with a mass bombing of Saddam, which killed 48,000 people and one ant. "HOORAY! WE ARE DUMBASSES!!!!" President Bush reportedly said. Cheney told the people that the war wouldn't last more than three days, to which the people all simulaneously coughed "bullshit".

Then, American soldiers surrounded campfire, carefully approached it, and sang cumbia in random different languages because they now think that America sucks. Some of them immediately went back to the British. The American public was informed of this, and Cheney's approval rating started going down, so he didn't get laid as much. He then said that the ants had ties to evil space aliens who would kill everyone unless they supported the war. "You anti-American pieces of shit need to stop this fear-mongering!" said Cheney, "It's people like you who want the puppy-kickers to win! Now you have a choice here: would you rather support everything our administration does, or we will create a giant loudspeaker that everyone can here and spend and play Sanjaya's solo album forever?" Support for the war shot up again, and Cheney started getting laid more often.

Six years later, the ant was captured, removed from his colony, and charged with being inhuman. As punishment for this, he was hanged, shot, stabbed, and boiled alive. However, this did little to fix the mess that Iraq had become, and Cheney's approval rating plummeted to 23%, so he stopped getting laid. A bipartisan report was issued that recommended the formation of an immediate strategy, including the setting of timetables for troop withdrawal. Cheney condemned it as "too boring", and the white house issued its own report: "Iraq is a lovely, sunny place, filled with flowers and butterflies. The people there love America, and any second now they will stop blowing themselves up and become a democracy, just like us. They would gladly eat our shit."

This was part of a new military strategy introduced by Cheney: "imagination". "If we just pretend that we're winning, everything will be okay!" he said, "Victory! We win! HOORAY!!!!!!" But Everyone knew that they were full of shit."

Again, this is just taking the original article and adding a bunch of complete randomness. The original article is a satire. It doesn't need 900,000 sex jokes every other word. --THE 10:55, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

"Another crappy aspect of Cheney's time in the shithouse is the Prick Act. In 2005, George Dubya Bush, Vice President Cheney, proposed a bill that would make Bush the Supreme Asshole of the United States Government. The only problem was that he was already the Supreme Asshole of the United States. He also proposed that in war-time, he could be given emergency powers and assemble a Shitty Army of the Republicans with which to fight the evil Democratic Pussies. At war's end, he would relinquish those powers. When asked by reporters if he would abuse these powers, he fucked them.

Shortly afterwards, the USA PRICK Act was created by Bush and Cheney. The act decreed that the government could moniter what kind of condoms people use, what flavors of ice cream they prefer, how many people they have had sex with, and what their dick sizes are. Based on this information, the government could create a database decreeing how likely people are to be terrorists. "Terrorists have 8-inch dicks, but some have 6-inch dicks," says an NSA spokesperson on what dick sizes terrorists are. The law also allows the government to read people's e-mails and listen to their phone conversations, because rule #1 of being a terrorist (according to the guide book authored by Abdul-Massah-Jabal) is "always have phone conversations and write E-mails in which you loudly say I'M A TERRORIST!!!"
When asked if he thought this was unconstitutional, Cheney said "You must realize that the only way for us to make a lot of money is to ignore the document on which it was founded!""

"Throughout his vice presidency, Cheney and Bush have both passionately argued that Dick Cheney indeed is not part of the executive branch, despite the fact that the Constitution says the Vice President is always part of the Executive Branch. "

New one -
"In February 2006, while dick sucking with some friends, Cheney spotted Mahmoud al-Yamskiriq, a low-flying Palestinian quail that he identified as having ties to Al Qaeda, as well as having a 10 inch cock. He immediately pulled out his balls, which until previously had been deviously disguised as marbles, which in reality he lost a long time ago. He missed, however, and hit Harry Whittington, who promptly exploded in a thunderous ball of shit and noxious gas like a fart.

Democrats jumped on this opportunity to criticize Cheney, arguing that he should have used a brain. "If you're going to shoot someone, you might as well grow a brain so you can think up a good lie to cover it!" screamed Hillary Clinton, "Our vice president is incapable of even having proper alibies!" Others criticized him for shooting his friend in the first place, but no one ever listened to them.

However, it wasn't the first time a member of the U.S. government had been involved in a potentially deadly accident during an orgy. Abraham Lincoln drowned a man once during a game of Marco Polo, Harry Truman shot down two jet planes that he mistook for geese on a hunting trip, George Washington accidentally bit a girl's head off during an overly passionate game of spin the bottle, and Herbert Hoover stabbed an entire building full of people during a stupid game of pin the tail on the George W." 72.95.139.157 23:13, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

Around 5 o'clock February 9th, The police captured some disturbing footage on the whitehouse camera. They saw George W. Bush and Dick Cheney with the camera that Bushes doctor used for the colonoscopy and took turns using it to masturbate up the ass. The footage was aired uncensored on The Today Show and Good Morning America and it looks like both Bush and Cheney could soon be out of office.

You don't need sex jokes to be funny. In fact, sex jokes make it less funny. --AAA!(AAAA) 10:25, 31 May 2008 (UTC)

I was thinking the title could be changed to Cheney's Dick, because I personally find it funny, (most people won't), but I won't do it if you protest against it. Please let me know what you think here. Trrri333 00:42, 19 August 2008 (UTC)

That would probably be frowned upon. We call him "Dick Cheney" through the whole article, so changing the title might be confusing. Plus, it's a penis joke. Hehhee, penis. --THE 10:30, 19 August 2008 (UTC)