”It’s more confused than Larry King with an iPad.” — Joan Rivers, on Taylor Swift’s intricate gown at the Met ball, on Fashion Police

”Photos are now floating around the Internet of Kate Middleton’s sister, Pippa, and she’s partying in a bra. In a related story, Prince William just realized he may have picked the wrong sister.” — Conan O’Brien on Conan

”Then I guess we’ll be eating the mood.” — Manny (Rico Rodriguez), after Luke (Nolan Gould) suggests they eat what they kill on a hike, on Modern Family

”Would you like to borrow a mirror? Or a self-help book?” — Rival Lindsay (Parker Posey), after seeing Leslie’s (Amy Poehler) messy hair, on Parks and Recreation

”Next month, Barry Manilow is coming out with his first original album in 10 years. Also coming out: anyone who buys it.” — Jimmy Fallon on Late Night