Why anyone would ever question this guy’s total p*ssy-loving manliness is beyond me. Check out this clip from the Macho-Man’s appearance on Good Morning America’s love letter to him, and hear all about Clay’s pill-enhanced heterosexuality straight from the horse’s Paxil-loving mouth:

You know, as much crap as The Rolling Stones get for being 3,000 year old mystical mummified corpses, we have to hand it to them: They still know the definition of rock star. (Sideward glancing at you, Paul McCartney.) So much so that Keith Richards is finally giving up drugs… not because they’ve effed him up so much that he’s falling out of trees left and right, but rather because these newfangled drugs on the market aren’t as strong or good as they used to be. That’s right: The quality is not up to brain-liquifying par. In fact, after his famous coconut-plucking tumble a few months ago, Richards admits to asking for extra morphine in the hospital, as his dosage wasn’t kicking in.

Well, uh-hellooooo. Making out with Keith Richards would be like licking an 8 1/2 by 11 tab of LSD. The guy is seriously walking in his own matrix of questionable reality, that reality being a living haunted house decoration. But giving up drugs entirely? We scoff. You’re in the Rolling-f**king-Stones, Keithy. Aaaaand you’ve got a hilariously drug-and-accident-addled barbituary to live up to. Now get to it!

In the interest of full disclosure, I should begin by saying I was once a big Weird Al fan. When I was 12 I listened to his albums, loved UHF and memorized every word to every Weird Al song. Even his original material. Of course, as I grew up and began listening to “real” music, I was embarrassed by my Weird Al past. As recently as a year ago -neigh- a month ago, any mention of owning Off The Deep End would’ve humiliated me and totally cancelled out the fact that I also own the Arcade Fire’sFuneral. Al was nothing more than a reminder of my awkward pre-teen years, just like my old retainer and Hypercolor T-shirts. But then something happened…

On Monday, fellow BWE.tv writer/hipster (have you seen the guy?) Alex declared that Al was in the midst of a late-career renaissance a la Bob Dylan. That was the first time I realized maybe it was okay, cool even, to dig Al. Then yesterday the brand new music blog Idolator posted a video for Al’s polka-medley, “Polkarama”. I would’ve never thought I’d see Al on a site trying to build up some cred, but there he was. Then today, Stereogum followed suit.

So now I have to ask the question: Has liking Weird Al Yankovic actually become… COOL??? Watch the video for “Polkarama” by clicking below, then give me an answer. Because I need to know whether or not it’s time to dust off my copy of Dare To Be Stupid.

How do you build buzz for an upcoming movie that is already being hailed as the funniest of the year? Give away 10,000 tickets for an “exclusive” screening of said movie. This is the tactic being used by Black Carpet Screenings, marketers for the upcoming Sasha Baron Cohen masterpiece Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, aka “The Borat Movie”. The idea: Invite all 95,369 of your friends to 25 “exclusive” screenings around the globe, armed with only a printout of their Myspace page as a ticket. Throw into the mix that Borat himself will be at one of the screenings. The result? We’re guessing Natural Born Killers-style violence, eyeballs plucked, backs-of-knees kicked, full-blown chaos. Have the police been alerted? We’re not even kidding. We once drop-kicked someone in the face to see an “exclusive” Goo Goo Dolls concert at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. (Totes worth it.) Tonight’s worldwide screening is going to be complete madness!

So, you can either risk getting accidentally taken from behind by some loolee loolee during tonight’s screening, or wait like a lady until November, when you can catch an 11am matinee with the other members of your Mah Jong club.

X17Online just “pulled a TMZ” on usually cool cucumber Justin Timberlake, poking and prodding he and girlfriend Cameron Diaz until JT lashed out like a cornered lion protecting his pride. Have paparazzi learned nothing from the untimely death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin? How many times will they continue to approach these vicious beasts before someone ends up getting themselves hurt so badly that a Woodly Harrelson choking seems gentle by comparison? Be sure to check out X17′s Wildlife Video of this terrifying encounter!

While visiting boyfried Pete Doherty in rehab last week, Kate Moss reportedly “got it on” with him in the public garden, proving once again that these two are the Romeo and Juliet of drug-addled enablers. Oh bag of blow, bag of blow – wherefore art thou bag of blow?

Jessica Simpson says shooting her movieEmployee of the Month “got her through a tough time”. Yes, nothing brightens the days of bitter divorce quite like Dane Cook doing cartwheels while holding his crotch and making fart noises.

You know what else healed the wounds of Jessica’s broken matrimony? F*cking some Jackass whose entire life’s work consists of binge drinking, lighting himself on fire and letting crabs dangle from his tongue.

To mark the 15th anniversary of Nirvana’s landmark album Nevermind, Courtney Love busts out one of her old classics, “Still Shamelessly Exploiting My Dead Genius Husband For Personal Attention After All These Years”.

It’s the BWE Tuesday Afternoon Movie for September 19th! Every Tuesday, we’ll post a short film from our panelists, friends, and user submissions. Want to submit a movie? Send your short films and sketches to films@bwe.tv.

JUST LIKE PROM MOMENT: Gossip bloggers band together and rank their “Top 10 Most Hated Celebs”. While we weren’t asked to participate (waiting by phone, checking beeper, et al.), for the record, it’s Lupe Ontiveros. (Popbytes)

FUGLIC SEX: Kate Moss and Pete Doherty tried to get away with public sex in rehab. No joke, but in our minds we picture a shakey toothless hobo sweeping the floor with a strangely Asian broom and breathing heavily. And, oddly, it’s quite sensual… (The Superficial)

USEFUL PRODUCT: While the following robotic device is meant to keep bored dogs busy while at home alone, stuff some hummus inside those pellet things and we’d honestly have a great time. (Kongtime by Dogopolis)

PAPAR-NAZIS: Justin Timberlake looks pissed… and kinda Gump-ish. If we could choose anyone to be our abusive boyfriend, we’d want it to be him. (X17 Online)

LIFE IMITATES ART?: Remember the Stephen King movie Sleepwalkers, where those scary cat people sucked the souls directly out of people’s mouths? Well, take a look at this polaroid-parade of 15-year-old models, and tell us these girls aren’t all victims. (Confessions of a Casting Director via Gawker)