Childhood Trauma Thread.

Self-explanatory title...I'm not going to fib; yes, I got the idea for this topic from a YouTube video. (Actual several.) Oh well, sue me.In case you're not familiar, the idea of this discussion is just to dig into those suppressed childhood memories that you buried deep, deep down when you saw something terrifying on tv and tell everyone about it. Fun, eh?

So, here's a couple from me.1) Ghostbusters. This is a kid-friend movie then? Ha, tell that to my seven-year-old self who inadvertently witnessed possibly the most terrifying scene from the entire movie: the part with the horrible demon monster-thing in the closet. Just sitting there. Totally silent. Gets a coat thrown on it. No one's aware of its existence. It's just sitting there waiting.For some reason I remember the thing being more humanoid than it actually is. That stupid image of it sitting in the closest gave me the gee-willickers. In the middle of the night I would imagine it slowly rising up in front of my face to scare me. Ughhh. 2) Basically all muppets and Sesame Street. Sesame Street is kind of a weird one. I loved Almo (Or Elmo, or whatever his name is,) but always dreaded the scenes with Bert and Ernie...I don’t know why...I think it was Bert’s fault. The way he always furrowed his big, black eyebrows whenever he got angry. I’m serious, this upset me. Just recalling it makes me feel a tinge of unease, like Bert’s gonna show up in my dreams tonight and just frown at me. Speaking of puppets, there was this one character who really terrified me; he was a human with this blue outfit whose eye bugged out of his head. He had a twisted smile on his face at all times...and his eyeball dangled around in front of his face and bounced when he made emphasis. I hated this character so much. I’d lay awake in bed at night, unable to sleep because his stupid face was hovering in front of my vision.And oh my word...I literally just remembered something else...the thing that scared the absolute wits out of me. Scared me so badly that I suppressed the memory and haven’t thought about it in years – until now.4) I listened to the 911 call about the chimpanzee attacking the woman. ...Somehow, this memory has eluded me for a very long time. But I honestly don’t know how, because it STILL makes me super uneasy. I’m telling you, from the moment my ears took in the horrors of that event, I haven’t exactly been the same.It was on an episode of a show called Monster Quest, which I quite liked when I was a youngster. I’m a big paranormal buff, and while this “event” has left scars, I’m glad to say that it didn’t totally destroy my fascination with the paranormal, which I still hold to this day.But I’m telling you, man...this episode never should have gotten made.I’m positive you know the story. Those two women were attacked by an escaped chimp. The chimp mutilated one of the women with its BARE HANDS while the other woman ran into her car and called for help. One of the reasons this scared me so much is because that lady just abandoned her friend. Ran to her car and LOCKED HER FRIEND OUT THERE WITH THAT...THING. Didn’t even help her. Just left her alone to face the torture. The words she spoke to the police officer will forever haunt me. They kept me awake at night for many years. One minute I’d be fine, but the next...I’d remember those words, and my heart would freeze within me. “A CHIMP! A CHIMPANZEE! IT’S KILLING MY FRIEND!...”LIKE YOU WERE DOING A LOT TO HELP HER, LADY!The show never actually showed any images of the woman after the attack, thank the stars. If it had, I’m sure I would be mentally scarred. I’m still not brave enough to google any images of that lady. I know she’s quite popular and stuff, so I’ve come pretty close a couple of times to seeing a picture of her, but always succeeded in avoiding it. (I have God to thank for that.) Even though the show didn’t project anything particularly gruesome to us, it didn’t have to. The damage had been done. I was scarred for life. I think one of the other reasons this had such an effect on me is because I’ve always been a very empathetic person; like, almost scarily so. I’ve come close to crying at stuff wouldn’t even bother other people. So watching someone in horrible danger from a bloodthirsty primate that cannot understand mercy is truly torturous for me. I have harboured a genuine fear and dislike for chimps ever since then. After a couple of years of suffering in silence, I finally came clean about what I was feeling to my mother. It was like getting a huge weight off my chest. I’d been carrying around that pain for ages, so it felt elevating to share it with someone else. Things got much better after that...

Damn man I'm sorry to hear that. I have actually seen real people get beheaded and stuff on websites and it's kept me up at night before when I first saw it. You'll never get it out of your head but it gets easier over time, and it's helped me understand the gravity of the situation when you learn something bad has happened in the world. Example. When the Paris attacks happened I was like "that's sad but it's just another attack, big deal" but then when I saw a graphic picture of some dead bodies it really hit home that people in these attacks are real people. It's easy to forget that because we hear so many terrible things on the news everyday. So I guess sometimes these things can be useful to remind me how fortunate I am and how serious things really are.

Thank you for sharing your story. But I gotta say, as someone who can watch all those terrifying execution videos and remain fine, please do not ever go look up that woman's face. I saw it on TV a few years back and it bothered me to the point of feeling ill. So if the phone call bothered you that bad don't ever look it up man. Although I must say the phone call is worse imo just because you hear the absolute terror in the woman's voice like you said.

Thanks for the counseling, man; I super appreciate it. I get what you mean about only realizing the gravity of certain situations after you’ve seen the more personal or visceral outcome, like a pic. Pictures have a unique ability of doing that.For the record, sense you’ve been so nice to me, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry you saw what you saw. I can’t even imagine seeing something on that scale. It’s horrifying. I hope you’re okay. This is the place to talk about it if you’re suffering. If you need prayer or anything, I’ll gladly give it to you. And uh, thanks for the warning. I appreciate it a lot.

I really feel it’s important that we never allow ourselves to become accustomed to these horrible tragedies. With the rate they happen at, we tend to grow used to it. I am guilty of this 100%. Makes me envy people who get depressed every single time something like this happens because at least they FEEL something, you know? All life is valuable, and that’s why I think no one should grow used to such things.

I think I was almost kidnapped once. Hear me out, it's a weird story and I was very young, but it has always stuck with me.

I used to sit on the bottom of the cart at a grocery market, because they had those high up carts. I went with my Grandma most of the time. I don't remember much else because I was probably six at the time, but my Grandma was looking at the milk when a man came up next to her. I remember it being weird because his cart was full of cans of beans. Suddenly he grabbed her cart instead of his and started walking off fast. I was freaking out but quiet because I didn't know what was going on. So I rolled quickly off the cart and ran back to my Grandma and tried to act like nothing was wrong.

what's weird is my memory fades off here. I don't remember her losing her purse which was probably in the cart, and I don't remember us getting our original cart back or going back and starting our shopping over. I don't remember that man coming back either. The more I think about it, I feel like it could've been a number of things: it could've been an actual mistake and the guy grabbed the wrong cart, but I doubt it. I also figure he may have been trying to steal my Grandma's purse, and not noticed anyone was on the bottom of the cart, which seems more likely since I don't remember being chased when I rolled off the cart. Still, the what if's of the memory still scare me today.

When I was 8, A bug crawled on my shoulder in the middle of the night, but I didn't realize it until I walked in front of the bathroom mirror and saw it crawling over my shoulder. This scared me so badly that it somehow snowballed into spending 3 months of 3rd grade in constant fear, to the point where I was afraid to swallow my own saliva, let alone eat something. I was scared of bugs, ghosts, dragons, Shrek 4, Endless Ocean: Blue World, and a ton more. I still do have fears and anxiety attacks, especially now.

I used to be petrified by anything involving time limits in video games (to the point where if the timer was running down while someone else was playing a game, I'd leave the room... I think the intensifying music freaked me out a bit). That stupid water level in the NES TMNT game was a particularly bad offender

There were some other silly things that used to scare me - usually in videos directed for kids, lol - but when I look back at them now, I don't even know why I hated them so much. They weren't even creepy at all.

_______________"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost."

_______________"Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth."- Dr. Wu.

The chimpanzee one she couldn't clear do NOTHING to help her friend. I mean, do you know chimps, smaller than us, are way more strong than any human, right? A chimp can easilly kill a human. They are stronger than any man, imagine 2 women then. That woman could do nothing to help her, if she tried to help she would get killed too. And I bet my ass 95% of people that are alive would do the SAME thing she did, run for her life and lock the car. I can't blame and call her a coward, bc I think I would do the same thing in that situation, hell, it's a chimpanzee that can kill me with a blow, I'm scared of humans that can enter my house, imagine a fucking chimp! No way, I don't care if I'm a coward for saying that, but it's not that easy to use reason while your life is in the line! I got 2 traumatic events in my childhood that told me why people get so scared for their lifes, and I learned that I'm not that though I appear to be (unfortunatelly).

I still love chimpanzees, I find them incredible creatures, they are very intelligent and very violent too, their inteligence allow them to do some cruel stuff just like some humans do. And of course chimps don't know what is mercy, no other animal expect our species know about moral. They don't have the concept of it, then they don't know what they are doing is "wrong". So that's what would keep me from hating this animal, if I was you. It's not their fault.

By the way, I'm such a snowflake sometimes, seriously, I understand when you say you cry for almost everything that other people don't even care. I get "offended" and butthurt sometimes when a person is being mean with other person or when I shouldn't be offended. I don't like to be so sentimental, in fact I hate it. It just makes you feel bad and horrible, it destroys you. And funny how it is, the most traumatic events of my life didn't have animals, but actual human "beings" in it.

I think one of the most tense stuff that happened to me was when my dad got shot in the leg by 2 lowlife piece of shits that were trying to rob his car and the money he got from the bank. They followed him until our house, but thanks to his bravery (yep, bravery, bc if not I think they would enter our house and who knows what they would do with my family) he fought back and threw the car on them, unfortunatelly it didn't smash those lowlife inhuman trash, so they fired 4 times, one of the bullets got into my dad's leg. I remember hearing the gun shots (I never heard gun shots in real life and yet knew it was gunshots) and ran to see what was happening, I saw our house gate open and I quickly ran to my mom, took the phone to call the police, it was a mess. We locked ourselfes in the kitchen. I was deeply scared and imagined the fucks were in our house.

I just can't imagine if my dad didn't survive and was killed there, I would be a totally different person. I would probably be in jail right now, bc I would proof how a snowflake dude that NEVER punched someone in the face could do the worst things imaginable, I would hunt down those fucks until my life ended, and sure as hell I would kill them if I had the chance. Those piece of shits, I hope they are dead now. I wouldn't think 2 seconds in cutting their bodies in half. Bastards. These stuff trigger the worst in me and that's why I hate anyone that does those stuff. Sometimes I wish I was a cop just to shoot them dead. Clear the world from piece of useless sh*t like those.

Anyway, the others traumatic events in my life: Insert any bullying by lowlife useless meatbags that today must be all losers in their life (I hope so, karma is a bitch). If you gave me a gun back in those days, I would probably be in jail too. That wrecks your mind to no end. I was feeling a piece of sh*t and still everyday had those bad stuff in your mind telling you to kill those fucks in all the worst ways imaginable. I can't belive I survived. It was a battle against myself too. It was horrible. And still there's those fuckers that say that you're a snowflake for not liking to be pissed on EVERY single day in your school. I would glady shoot those bastards too. It was almost the same year I found JPL and joined, this community helped me a lot, and now I can finally say I'm almost in peace, I don't have that bad stuff in my head anymore and I'm rather happy than I was. It was hard, but I still kept myself from downgranding my level to the same as those piece of shits. Of course there are scars, I still hate them, I would never forgive them, and if I met them in the street I think I would love to smash a car on them, but anyway. I adopted a new philosophy in my life: Karma is a bitch, and life will punish those bastards, so I don't need to put my hands on dirt for that. I also want to keep my studies, to be a scientist, to help change this world, If I do something usefull for the world then that means I'm usefull than them, that I won't be a nobody that nobody knows about like they'll be.

But hey, we all die, don't we? They'll die too, everything will be forgotten when I die too, so I'll finally find my peace in the end. That's something that keeps me away from those scars and tries to make me foccus on the stuff that really matters in life. There are so much important stuff than my problems, other people, those little things we chat about everyday. There's a whole Universe out there. I love to wonder about it. So yeah, I learned to deal with my problems myself, I just hope I find what I'm looking for. The dreams that keep my alive everyday. I hope I get them. That's why I love science, dinosaurs, JP so much. They are like painkillers for me. They keep me happy and makes me forget about the futile stuff in real life. I even forget my traumas too. Everything.

Other "traumas" include: Spiders and....Balloons. Spiders are scary as f*ck, but no other thing freaks me out more than balloons. Yep, I have panic attack if I'm in the same room with a balloon. A FUCKING BALLON. Is there something more ridiculous than a grow ass man afraid of BALLOONS????That's the oldest trauma I have, and one I particulary hide from telling people (because they all make fun of me and try to blow up a balloon close to me). Basically a bitch blew up balloons in my 2 YEAR OLD anniversary party, and guess what? I cried a lot bc of the sounds (that what's freak me out). There's even a video tape of that. You can see me crying in the corner like a freaked out kid. I don't remember that particular scene, I was too young, but guess what? It's with me forever. I can't see a fucking balloon that I start to freak out, my heart starts to pace faster, I get sweaty and want to get away from that thing no matter what I must do, I get angry too and want to beat the person (specially if it's a kid, bc kids love to blow those stuff) and scream because it's so horrible and suffocating, I'm sure it's a panic attack. I got to quit parties, even CLASS because of that. I couldn't bear anyone to discover that I didn't like to hear those stuff blowing up, and of course everyone would make fun of me. It's one of the secrets I hide from almost everyone in real life. Today I got to control more this fear but I still don't like it and I'll do my best way to keep me away from them. Sometimes when I can't escape I just try to fake I'm okay and don't look at it, but that shitty thing always blow up. At least it's not easy anymore to see I'm afraid of them. I think the problem with them is that they can blow up at any moment, like a bomb. If I knew when they would blow up, I would be calm. I remember when I was in the English class (I hated that class, that school, f*ck everyone that teased me in that sh*t hole) I had to fake I was with a headache and all to the teacher so he could leave me outside of the classroom because we would have a "game" and that included: BLOWING UP BALLOONS. The guys already bullied me and I couldn't bear them making fun of me more than they did, so I faked I was ill, got out of the class, went to the bathroom to calm down and them I got away. I NEVER came back to that place. Never.

You guys will think I'm a psycho, but belive me, I'm more fragile than any snowflake you'll find. I just hope someone understood my text wall, just one, and I'll be fine.

_______________"Chaos theory is a pseudoscience you asshole" - Headcanon line from Sickle_Claw