MAINTAINING EMOTIONAL-ATTACHMENT-FREE RELATIONSHIP

Today, I want to share something very important and crucial to you at this phase of your life. I consider it crucial because many youths have had their destinies aborted because they are not careful to learn or imbibe the truth I want to share with you. What I want to share with you is how to maintain an emotional attachment free relationship with the opposite sex.

Wait a minute! What is the essence of maintaining emotional-attachment-free relationship? Relationship with the opposite sex is inevitable. However, there is time for everything under the sun and there is an appropriate time to be emotionally attached to a member of the opposite sex. To do it the wrong time may terminate your destiny.

I like to start by showing you what it means to relate with the opposite sex without emotional attachment and why it’s important you do that at this phase of your life.

The youth phase of your life is a seed sowing phase, preparatory and foundational phase and demands that you go about it with every bit of your emotion. When you emotionally pursue the seed sowing phase of your life, you acquire the energy required to overcome obstacles and challenges that are certain to be on your way in the pursuit of your great future. However, when you channel a major portion of your emotion to any boy or girl, you cheat yourself big time. Unfortunately, many realize this truth late.

Now, as a youth you will most certainly come in contact with members of the opposite sex, either in class, club ( Like Rotary club), church or mosque. At such places, you will come in contact with fellow youths of the opposite sex who make sense to you. That is, they are picture of what you call beauty or fit into who you want to be your friend and perhaps, life partners.

Usually, when such persons are seen, there is the temptation to get closer to them. In fact, it takes a lot of effort on your side not to get closer especially if the person also considers you to be the picture of a good friend. This is not bad in itself. In fact, it seems to me that God made man to function that way as a means of initiating relationships that will result marriage and eventually result in procreation.

But many youths have ruined their destines because they refuse to put to check this wonderful gift of God – emotion.

As long as you live in our society, you can’t escape relating with the opposite sex; but expending your emotion on them at the expense of your seed sowing activity for your future is destructive. That is why I want to show you how to relate with members of the opposite sex without building up emotions until you are ready for it.

The first step is avoiding particularizing your relationships with the opposite sex early in life. What I mean by particularizing your relationships is singling out a particular member of the opposite sex as your only friends of the opposite sex. You may not do this deliberately but may just find out that it’s actually a particular member of the opposite sex that is your friend.

My experience and that of many people I have talked this matter with is that you will naturally think about that particular person and want to see the person many times. Relate with as many as possible without allowing yourself to be distracted; it keeps from emotionally binding yourself with a particular person until you are ready for emotional relationship with members of the opposite sex.

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If a particular person starts coming close to you all the time to make you his or her only friend, let him/ her know your stand for now and feel free to talk about your other friends of the opposite sex.

Another step you take to avoid or quench emotional relationship is to avoid too much communication. My experience is that the life wire of a relationship is communication between or among people in a relationship. Therefore, if you are not ready for matters of the heart or just don’t want to be emotionally attached to a person, kill the lifeline of the relationship – communication. You can politely explain to the person why you need to cut down on the frequency of communication at this phase of your life. I personally hate it when people do this rudely like rejecting the persons’ call, claiming to be too busy and not returning calls when missed. Call the person and tell him or her in plain terms. If the person loves you, he or she should understand and allow you grow up.

One other step that has helped me towards maintaining emotional attachment free relationship is this: get busy. Many times, people have time to think or get emotionally attached to particular member of the opposite sex because they are doing next to nothing. That is, they have time to start analyzing that the way a guy talked to them must mean that he is interested in them or that the way the girl was looking at him suggest that she is falling for him. I have found that when you occupy your mind with something serious, you will hardly have time for all those. That way, you are emotionally attached to your future and preparing for your future in the form of learning, training and skill acquisition that you hardly have time to think about a guy or lady.

One more thing: try as much as possible to avoid anything that will bring a particular member of the opposite sex in constant remembrance to you, like having her picture hung on your wall, using it as wall paper or screen saver in your computer or mobile devices.

What have I said in all this? Emotional attachment to a member of the opposite sex is not a bad thing; in fact, it’s a good thing that God put in humans to make relationships fun. But to get emotionally attached to a member of the opposite sex at the wrong time puts your life and destiny in danger. That is why you need to maintain emotion-free-relationships with members of the opposite until you have grown to the point where you are qualified to be in love. Techniques to maintaining emotion-free relationship with a member of the opposite sex are: avoid particularizing in your relationships, moderate the communication and get your mind occupied and be consumed by the pursuit of your purpose in life.

Joseph 'Brojid' Dinwoke, Radio producer/OAP at Radio Nigeria Voice96.7FM, and publicist, is the curator of Brojid.com.
At Brojid World, he creates contents and provides training, mentoring, coaching and inspiration for peak performance in your life and work through blog posts, podcasts, books and training.
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