The Wanting Comes In Waves

All Sam/Dean, All The Time

The Gospel of Dean, part 2/2

Genre: Wincest, death!fic (sort of but not really), curtain!fic, firsttime!ficPairing: Sam/DeanRating: NC17Word count: 14,300Characters: Sam, Dean, spiritDean, Bobby, CrowleyWarnings: Sexual content, character death (sort of), set post S6 in a slightly AUSummary: Dean dies, Sam drives and gets a surprise ghostly passenger who loves to talk and ask questions. The King of Hell pays back a debt and Heaven’s reward is finally granted.Disclaimer: I only own these words, that’s it, nothing else.Authors Note: Other titles were Gone, But Still Talking or Gone, But Not ForeverRead it here on AO3

Sam gets out into the cool still night air, clear sky above scattered with watching, waiting stars. He rustles around in the trunk, pulling out all the items he’ll need for the ritual, knife, vessel, candles, lighter, and some various herbs. He rolls down the passenger side window on the Impala. Even though he can’t see Dean right now, he can feel him there. Sam sets up the whole shebang as close as he dares to the car, sometimes the ritual flame is bigger than you think it will be and he sure doesn’t want to burn down the Impala since it’s the one and only thing keeping Dean here with him in the first place.

He takes a deep breath and begins the ritual, doing the chants and making the motions, lighting the candles in the right order, adding his blood to the drawing. Finally the air changes, more ozone he thinks, the headlights of the Impala dim and brighten and a small pop sounds out in the quiet night. There’s Crowley all of a sudden, in his usual impeccably tailored suit, with the usual arched eyebrow and sardonic grin. “Well, what a surprise, Sam Winchester summoning little old me of all the demons he could choose from. Did you miss me that much moose?”

“Hey Crowley, how’s tricks?”

“Not here for the small talk, get on with it already, what do you want?”

Sam takes a deep breath, pulls himself up to his full height, grounds himself into the earth, looks him in the eye and clearly says: “Crowley, you owe us a debt, a blood debt, in payment, bring Dean Winchester back to me healthy, whole, alive, and just as he was before he died on March 3rd, 2012 and fully remembering all that’s happened since that time. Do this and your debt to us is repaid.”Crowley slowly blinks in surprise, both eyebrows raised as high as they’ll go, “well well well someone’s been studying up on demon contract language, guess you should have been a lawyer after all, eh Sammy.”

“Alright Winchester, since you’ve put it so plainly, it’s the least I can do in return, sure you can have him back, why not, you denim wrapped nightmares seem to cause more trouble when you’re apart anyways. And oh ho, what’s this? Well, how about that, I guess you’re going to get what you’ve always wanted you naughty, naughty boys, it’s about time though isn’t it? It will take a while for me to pull all the parts together since you’ve gone and burned him like the idiot you are, but expect him back by the time the full moon rolls around again. Pleasure doing business with you Sam, ‘ta for now.”

Crowley winks out of existence, Sam staggers back in surprise, pulling himself back together, he gathers up the ritual supplies and stows them away in the Impala’s trunk. He takes a deep breath to steady himself from the unrestrained wild joy racing through his veins before he gets back into the driver’s side door. As he starts up the car, spiritDean quickly reappears and leaps over into his lap, wrapping himself around Sam and kissing him all over his face and neck frantically. “Sammy you did it, you goddamn did it, I can’t believe you!” Sam responds by trying to hold spiritDean away enough so he can see his face, but he’s impossible to really grasp or move. “Dean, god, do you think it will really work, just as easy as that? Nothing I want more, wish you were here now, shit I want this so much, wish I could really feel you.”

spiritDean slows down his frantic butterfly soft and cool kisses, “Sam let me try something.” He gets a look of keen concentration and a far-away cast to his eyes, becoming more and more solid until Sam almost feels some weight in his lap. “There can you feel me more now Sam?” Dean kisses him again, slowly this time, full of the unrestrained passion that’s no longer unspoken between them.

Sam answers him with a heavy groan “yeah Dean, can feel you more, god what will this be like when you’re back, I’m going to lose my mind before then wondering.” spiritDean slowly fades back to the usual insubstantial, weightless form he takes. Sam yawns and pulls away slowly from Dean, “man, I’m really tired, that ritual and all really took it out of me, do you mind if I crash for awhile? Can you stay with me, please Dean?”

Sam turns off the car and gets situated in the back seat as comfortably as he can with one of their stolen motel blankets folded up as a pillow and one over the top of him. Dean’s ghost lies on top of him lightly, fitting himself in between Sam’s open legs, wrapping his arms around him, and running his hand through Sam’s hair gently until he’s almost asleep.

“Dean we won’t be able to do this when you come back, I think you’d squash me.”

“Well, then you better enjoy it while you can Sam, besides if I were on top of you like this, you sure as hell wouldn’t be interested in sleeping. Always wanted to get you back here in the backseat.” Dean pumps his insubstantial hips in a suggestive grind, and chuckles softly as Sam’s eyes close with a happy sigh.

When the morning comes, too bright and too soon, Sam awakens by himself in the back seat, feeling pretty well rested compared to most of the nights he’s spent in the car recently. He slowly unfolds himself from the back door, stretching and cracking his back. He drives back into town, in search of some breakfast, and coffee, definitely a morning for coffee. As he drives, Dean flickers back into view and reaches over to hold his hand. Sam can almost feel it, just as the barest touch of fluttering silk, he laces their fingers together and squeezes them, looking over to reflect back that grin he sees on spiritDean’s face. “Morning Sammy, where we goin’ now?”

“Just to get some breakfast, I’m starving, need to look at a calendar too, see what day the full moon is, see how many days we have to wait.” Sam’s all about the efficiency of getting this stuff done, making it happen, spiritDean just sits back and watches him work it all out.

“I’m going to stick around here in town, just in case Crowley is literal and brings you back to the exact spot where we made the deal. Guess since it is almost a full month I’ll see if I can find some work. I’m going to work out who owns that land where I did the ritual, just in case it might be an issue to be hanging out there waiting for you to show up.”

“Glad you’re thinking about all this Sam, I’m just kinda useless right now, hanging around and waiting to see if I really come back or not. Hope it’s worth it.”

“Of course it is, why else would I have done it in the first place? Besides what the hell else do I have to do anyways? Not like there is a career plan I’ve had in mind for years, or anything like that. There hasn’t been time to even think of that sort of thing running from one crisis to another. I guess I can use this month to figure some of that out. Because Dean, one thing I know for sure, is I don’t want to hunt anymore.”

“I figured, I’m okay with that, been wanting to stop anyways. Seems like if this works out and I come back all the way, right and everything, it will be too much of a risk to keep hunting. I’ll miss it, of course. But the chance for time with you and me together, that’s worth giving it up for. We’ve kind of earned it by now don’t you think?”

“Thank god, I was worrying I’d have to fight you on this one. Hell Yes, we’ve earned it. Now we have to figure out what to do with what time we’ll have. Have you thought at all about where you’d want to live, with me?” Sam asked shyly.

“Sam, I really don’t care all that much, as long as you’re there. Someplace with people who won’t care about two guys being together. Life’s too short to deal with homophobic assholes”

“Good point, might as well make it easier on ourselves. How about one of the coasts then? Any places you can think of that were favorites out of all the places we’ve been?” Sam feels like he needs to keep spiritDean thinking about this, talking about it, planning for the future, planning as if it is a foregone conclusion that he’ll come back and they’ll be together. Sam is full of hope that will happen, but he’s also realistic about what can go wrong too. Plan for the best, hope the worst doesn’t happen, something like that.

“How about somewhere in Washington or Oregon, near the ocean would be good. I always liked the beer out there, and we’ve spent so much time on the East coast, kinda tired of it. But I don’t know, I just haven’t thought about it much, okay?” spiritDean says a little shortly, like he’s getting peeved about being asked to make decisions.

“We don’t have to decide today or anything, I was just trying to start planning, you know, for our future.” Sam says a little sheepishly.

spiritDean looks over at him sharply. “Hey, hey Sammy, I’m not mad or anything, I get what you’re trying to do, thanks dude. It’s helping keep my mind off of being, well being a ghost and waiting until I’m not. And honestly, I’m still getting used to the idea of us having a future, much less one where we’re together. Give me a little time wouldya?”

Sam caresses spiritDean’s neck, feeling the cool insubstantial flesh under his fingers flex and relax “No problem Dean, I get it, I do. I’m having to get used to the idea too you know, this is a big change for us. But there being an “us” is not a problem to be worked out. I’m feeling like it’s just something that was going to happen eventually, once we finally got out of our own way. I’ll feel better about all this after the full moon and you’re actually all the way back here with me.”

spiritDean grins at him “No kidding, I’m there with you on that one. It’s hard to make plans for the future when you’re still a ghost and all.”They spend the next few weeks with Sam working at a bookstore that’s going out of business, and sleeping in the car just to be withspiritDean. It kind of limits what they can do together since he’s tied to the Impala. Sam’s neck starts to bother him, but he ignores it, because he doesn’t want to spend any more time apart than necessary. Every night spiritDean nestles on top of him, settled between his legs, the weightless non-pressure like a necessary blanket for Sam. He feels so safe and protected even though there isn’t anything “to” spiritDean, but just being surrounded by him gives him that illusion, at least for a night. Sam knows he’s crazy to even think this, but he’s really going to miss this one thing. Sam checks in with Bobby once a week or so, but doesn’t mention anything about spiritDean or the deal with Crowley, he’s not sure he’ll ever say anything, because he’s pretty sure Bobby would not approve, about any of it.

Finally it comes to the night of the full moon, they drive out to the old empty farmstead that no one seems to know who owns it anymore, it’s been that long since anyone worked it or cared about it. Sam’s pretty sure they’ll be completely undisturbed. They park behind the same stand of trees at dusk, and Sam eats about half of his sandwich that he brought for dinner. He’s too keyed up and excited to eat the whole thing. spiritDean just raises his eyebrow and gives him one of those patented “my brother’s a dork but I love him anyways” looks. The waiting is so hard, they’re so close to something happening, hopefully for the better this time. Sam’s praying so fervently he forgets and says it out loud. spiritDean doesn’t give him a hard time because he knows that’s Sam’s way of coping with something this important. They spend the last hour before moonrise on the hood of the Impala, wrapped up together, kissing a little and not talking (since Sam can only hear spiritDean through the radio).

Finally it’s the hour of moonrise and they separate a little, looking all around them, to see if Crowley will make an appearance or if he’ll send someone else. There’s a pressure building in the air, the radio in the Impala goes berserk with static and they hear a *pop* behind them. spiritDean slowly disappears and Sam sees that Crowley’s there and he’s with someone, a familiar form that Sam can’t tear his eyes away from. It’s Dean, all in one piece from the looks of him, standing so tall, with that bowlegged stance that makes Sam think his usual inappropriate thoughts. There’s nothing on Dean’s face though, no expression, no recognition even when his eyes scan over the Impala and Sam.

“Evening Sam, ready to collect on our deal? Or have you changed your mind after getting away from your brother for a while?” inquires Crowley.

“Crowley, nothing’s changed, I want Dean and I want him now.” Sam says with all the power he can muster behind his voice.

“Alright alright, keep your antlers on moose, this is the shell, I believe you might know where the good bits are, eh?”

“What do you mean the good bits, like his soul or something?”

“Ding ding ding we have a winner, well you’re really on it tonight aren’t you? Yes his soul you moron, where is it, I couldn’t find it anywhere, I figured you must have it hidden on you somewhere. Let me check your car. Right, bingo, here he is.” Crowley crawls out of the driver’s side door with an intensely glowing ball of blue white light cradled in his hands. “Here he is, all that’s important about your dear brother. If I was a better demon I’d just take off right here with it, since he’s been such a pain in my arse all these years. But no, a deal’s a deal, unlike your friend Cas, I keep up my end of deals.”

Crowley brings the light over to the shell of Dean whose eyes widen in surprise and alarm, putting his hands up to block the glare of the light as he gets closer. All of a sudden Crowley’s hand is shoved into Dean’s belly with the light and its over before anything else can happen. Dean collapses to the ground in a sudden heap.

Sam is down on his knees at Dean’s side instantly, puts his hand on Dean’s face, caressing softly, swallows nervously, “Dean, are you in there?”Dean’s eyes slowly open, latching onto Sam’s immediately, surprise, terror, sadness, and then joy flit across them as he comes to. “Sammy.”

Sam gathers him up into a hug to end all hugs and Crowley clears his throat irritatedly. “Well if that’s all I’ll leave you Winchesters to get your groove on. Hope I never see you two again.”

“Thanks Crowley, same here.” Sam smiles at him as he winks out of view.

“Wha’ happened Sam?” Dean is still out of it and trying to sit up.

“Hold on, slow down Dean. Remember, Crowley brought you back?” Sam searches his face to see that Dean remembers. “God he’d better remember! What will I do if he doesn’t remember all we talked about and did this last month?” Sam thinks to himself.

Slowly the memories seem to come back to Dean, and he smiles shyly at Sam “um, now I remember Sam, I remember it all, thanks, thanks for everything.”

Sam crushes him in another hug, crying hot tears into his neck “can’t believe you’re actually here Dean, it’s too good to be true.”Dean sits up all the way and tries to stand, Sam helps him up and they lean against the Impala.

“Dean your soul was in the Impala, isn’t that the weirdest thing? Crowley said he looked everywhere for it and couldn’t find it.”

“Eh, not too surprised, where else would I be? But how did he get my body back, didn’t you say you gave me a proper funeral this time? Not another pine box, right Sam, I thought we’d agreed?”

Sam holds him even closer, sniffling a little in remembering that sad night more than a month ago, “Of course you idiot, Bobby and I gave you a hunter’s funeral right in his backyard, just like you wanted. Guess that’s why it took Crowley almost a month to find all of you and get you back together. That’s some power huh?”

“Well, I’m glad he was working for us this time, a nice switch. Sam thanks for not giving up on me or burning up the Impala to get rid of me.” Dean looks up at him seriously.

“I couldn’t ever have done that. I would have driven around with you in the damned car for the rest of my life Dean.” Sam tells him with matching intense seriousness.

“Sammy, you have to remind me of everything we talked about. It all seems so unreal and removed a couple steps from what I’d expect. Did we really decide what I think we did?” Dean asks with hopeful and bashful eyes.

Sam turns into his brother, grasps his face between his huge hands, looks him right in the eye “Yeah Dean, we decided we’re going to be together, finally, you and me.”

Dean draws in a big breath to steady himself, setting his jaw in challenge, “That so? Just like that?”

“Yeah Dean, just like that.” Sam leans in and kisses him so softly, a familiar ghost-weight kiss and starts to pull back to make sure Dean gets what he means. But Dean seizes him by the nape of his neck and hauls him back in for a real kiss, full of all the passion they’ve been discussing and discovering over the last month, it all flows out and surrounds them as they kiss for real for the first time. Panting into each other’s mouths after a while, Sam whisper-groans in Dean’s ear “it’s better than I’d imagined, so much better.” Dean kisses him again, showing him how much better it can be, and Sam’s glad they’re leaning against the Impala.

“Sam, hey, Sam. How about we get a motel and something to eat? I could really use a beer and a hamburger, never thought I’d get to be hungry again.”

“Ok, sure, I’ll drive us back into town, after a month of being stuck here, I know a couple places we can go.”

“No way bitch, I’m driving.”

“I don’t think so jerk, you just came back from the dead a couple minutes ago, who knows whether you’re in any shape to drive. Maybe tomorrow, ok? Please let’s not take any risks we don’t need to, I just got you back.”

“Alright, alright, just let’s get going already.” Dean grumpily gets into the passenger seat and runs his hands over the dash cooing to his baby. Sam starts her up and takes off with a spray of gravel, zooming back towards town. All he can think about is the sooner he can get Dean fed, the sooner they can get to a motel.

Dean puts a hand on his shoulder, “Hey Speed Racer, why so fast? I don’t mind, but if we’re not taking risks then why the fast and furious?”

Sam looks over quickly “I just want to get you fed and into a motel, you know, sooner rather than later.”“Oh ho, so it’s like that, tired of sitting around talking about it huh? I like the way you think Sammy, always have.” Dean does one of his one sided jaw clicks that he always uses on women, and yes, it seems to work about the same on Sam. Which makes it a little harder to drive, but Sam is on a mission now.

They spend the time in the diner waiting for food tangling their legs together under the table, touching each other as much as they feel they can get away with. Sam just enjoying listening to Dean talk directly to him instead of through the radio. Dean tells him about what it was like getting hit by the car, how he saw his body below him, with Sam holding him and crying out, then he doesn’t remember too much until he first talked to Sam in the Impala.

“I couldn’t believe that I could talk to you and see you Sam, it was such a damned surprise to me that you even heard me. And then I remembered our ghost training back when we were protecting the Seals, and I realized I could materialize. It was hard to be solid though, really hard. It was worth it to, you know, kiss you and stuff though.”

“I couldn’t believe it either, I was so messed up after your funeral at Bobby’s, I really had no business driving, but I’m glad I did, it kind of saved me hearing you on the radio that first day. And then when I could see you, it was a gift.”

“Did you ever tell Bobby?”

“Nope, I didn’t, and I don’t think we should either, he just wouldn’t understand Dean. Especially about, you know.”

“I’m not sure you’re right about that Sam, and how would he feel if he found out somehow that I’m back? After everything he’s done for us?”

“I’m just worried that he’ll try and take you out somehow, think you’re evil. I don’t care about him finding out about us, that’s our business, our decision. Hell he probably already figured that out a long time before we ever did.”

“Huh, I’ll bet you’re right. Glad he never said anything thing, that would’ve been a helluva embarrassing conversation. I don’t think he’d take me out, he’d test me, do the whole holy water, silver thing or something. Which by the way, why haven’t you, I trained you better than this!”

“Don’t even start with me Dean, what the hell do you think was in the water bottle I gave you in the car?”

“Ok ok easy tiger, I’m just making sure you’re looking out for yourself the way you’re supposed to. But I still want to tell Bobby, not today maybe, but soon.”

“Fine, whatever, but over the phone first, just to be safe.”

Dean rolls his eyes and nods in agreement. At least they’ve gotten that settled. They finish their meal in companionable silence, both so happy to be together again, sharing smiles across the table for no reason, looking at each other unashamedly admiring, both feeling the heat rising between them.

“Time to find that motel now don’tcha think?” Dean waggles his eyebrows suggestively as they walk out to the car bumping shoulders.Sam cracks up at the ridiculous face “dude, does that expression really work for you?”

“Sometimes, I guess, is it working now is the important question.” Dean huffs, a little pissed off to be laughed at.Sam grabs him around the waist and brings him up close as they lean back against the car, “yeah, it’s working alright” Sam leans down and kisses the corner of his mouth gently, trailing kisses to his ear to whisper “I’m getting us a king ok?” Dean’s eyes widen and he shivers as Sam bites a trail down the side of his neck to the top of his shoulder.

“Sounds good, let’s go already.” Dean squirms against Sam, rolling his hips impatiently, making both of them groan with anticipation.

A motel that looks decent isn’t too far away, and yes Sam does get a king, happy that for once he won’t have to hear Dean bitching about having to share the bed with him. Although now that he thinks about it, he understands the bitching a little more. “Guess it was kinda tough for you too, having to share a bed with me sometimes. I really thought it was just me all these years.”

“Yeah, those were some of the longer nights of my life. You’re quite the sleep snuggler too Sammy, not that I really minded, but it made things that much harder, haha, especially in the morning.”

Dean crowds up behind Sam as he opens the door up, it seems like it was taking him forever, “c’mon Sam quit fumblin’ around.”

“Alright already, you’re distracting me.”

Dean grins widely at this, he has always loved teasing his little brother, now there is a whole new level that he’d get to tease him, was this ever going to be fun. They push their way inside, not really looking at the room, both of them so wrapped up in each other and ready for what is about to happen to care about what sort of room they’d gotten. Happily it turns out to be one of the nicer ones, the bed seems newer as they fall onto it grappling together. Good thing, because they are going to be using it, there is a lot it is going to have to stand up to. Dean is all over Sam, blanketing him completely as they press together grinding and thrusting as they share deep kiss after deeper kiss, neither wanting it to be over so fast, but that is just how it is going to be, both of them feeling the passion spiral up and out of control so quickly it takes their breath away. Dean has just worked a hand in between them and felt the hardness of Sam as he says “uh, Dean, I’m gonna.” And then his hips stutter out an uncontrolled rhythm. Dean watches his brother coming apart under him and that is all it takes for him, one more thrust against Sam’s punishingly sharp hip and he is gone too.

They lie there panting into each other’s mouth, with their eyes closed, touching and stroking everywhere they can reach. Dean curls into Sam, burying his face in his neck, whispering “Sam, Sam Sammy, better than, better’n I thought it could be.” Sam can feel wetness on his neck and pulls back, surprised to see a few tears rolling out of Dean’s eyes. He reaches up to thumb them off gently, sucking them off his thumb causing Dean to groan at the sight. “so much better than anything.” Back to lazily exploring each other, removing clothes as they go, both finally completely naked before the other. “I said it before, but Sam you are one damned beautiful man. Glad I fed you all those veggies.”

Sam blushes and looks Dean slowly up and down, “And you are just as beautiful as when I first started lusting after you, better now actually.”

“Yeah, you like?” Dean pumps his hips at Sam.

Sam laughs with sheer happiness, “Yeah Dean, I like. And I like that I finally get to do this.” Surprising Dean he leans down with a quick kiss to his belly and a lick up his already hard again cock. Sam licks up and down messily, finally swirling around the head and sucking Dean in for the first time. Dean thrusts up uncontrollably, making Sam gag a little. “Sorry, uh sorry.”

Sam pulls off with a loud squelchy pop, “It’s okay, I like it like that Dean.” Dean’s eyes widen, realizing that he gets to find out all this about his brother, now that he gets to have this. He lays his hand along Sam’s cheek, feeling himself pulsing in there as Sam sucks him hard. Groaning deeply , he puts a finger then two into Sam’s mouth as he sucks. “Uh, oh god, what’re you doing to me” Dean groans, pumping his hips up into Sam. Sam loves it, he takes it all, letting Dean use his mouth, feeling all the strikes against the back of his throat, as confirmation of Dean’s aliveness, that he’s succeeded and gotten him back. The sheer pleasure they both get from this connection was too much, Sam thrusting into the edge of the bed as he circled his fingers around Dean’s clenching hole. He gets two fingers in and has just started moving them when Dean tenses and comes with a shout of “Sammy!” That is all it takes for Sam, hearing his name said like that, by his brother, it’s too much, a couple more thrusts and he shoots all over the bedspread, not caring about the mess.

He lays his head on Dean’s thigh, kissing gently at his softening cock, breathing in the familiar smell of Dean all around him, musky leather, clean sweat, something else that is, just his brother. A contented smile plays on his face that Dean catches as he looks down his body to find Sam. Dean smiles just to see him there, feeling so loved, worshiped even by the way Sam is treating him. “Get up here Sam, I wanna.” And he hoists Sam up and over him so that he can get at his mouth once again. Licking the taste of himself bitter and strong right out of Sam’s mouth, tasting the sweetness that was Sam’s own taste underneath. He knows right then he’ll never get enough of this. Now that he knows what his brother tastes like, looks like, and sounds like when he comes he’s a goner for this Sam. He doesn’t know yet if Sam feels the same way, but he feels very deeply that now was when he finally wants to give that monogamy thing a try. He chuckles to himself, as he cards his fingers through and pets Sam’s long sweaty hair away from his eyes. Sam looks up at him with questioning eyes,“What’s so funny”

“Nothing, just um thinking about giving monogamy a try.”

As Sam rolls off of him and laughs, “I knew I was good, but I didn’t think I was quite that good.”

Dean slaps him on the top of his head, “You idiot, that’s not why. Well, part of the reason, anyways, yeah, just you and me, right Sammy?”

Sam looks over at Dean, diving down deep into his brother’s gaze, seeing the love, passion, joy, warmth and home all there in his green, green eyes. He rolls back on top of Dean, twines their hands together up over Dean’s head, holding his face just above him, “yeah Dean, you and me, from here on out.”

Dean smiles up at him, relief and hope and love a physical force knocking Sam back a bit, seeing the acceptance of what he’s said reflecting back at him so completely he shakes his head in wonder.

“We’re so lucky. How’d we get so damned lucky?”

“How so?” Dean asks softly as Sam kisses him again and again, talking against the side of his mouth. “We get to have this finally, and now you can actually talk to me, shit, it’s everything I ever wanted, just like that.”

Dean’s eyes sparkle with tears that are about to spill over, “I know Sam, it’s like a goddamned reward or something, isn’t it? I’m glad I get to share it with you.”

“What, you think this is some reward for defeating Lucifer or something?”

“Yeah I do Sammy, God owed you one.”

“Huh, I guess it could be that, I don’t really care, just so long as I get you like this for the rest of our lives.”

“Oh that’s all, huh?” Dean squirms under him, pulling up against the restraint of Sam’s hands on his wrists. Sam grinds back down, swiveling his hips, making them both gasp a little. They keep their eyes on each other as they both slowly come back to hardness. “So who’s fucking who here anyways?” asks Dean with one of his sideways grins, eyes twinkling up at Sam.

“Uh, I hadn’t really thought about it,” stammers Sam, looking down at Dean with a little surprise.

“I find that really, uh” hips coming up in a hard thrust, “ hard, uh” another hard thrust, “ to believe Sammy.” With a final thrust that has Sam’s eyes rolling up in his head.

“I pictured it both ways Dean, wanna try it all with you, just hadn’t thought about which way first.”

Dean groans at all that is brought to mind, “Want you to do me first. C’mon Sasquatch, get to getting.” Swiveling his hips again impatiently.

Sam laughs into his mouth kissing him thoroughly again, releasing his wrists, and getting off the bed to rummage in his bag. Coming up with lube and condoms he walks back to the bed hips swaying suggestively.

Dean groans at the sight but then he complains when he sees what Sam is holding, “aww man, I hate condoms, wanna feel you in me.”

Dean waggles his eyebrows and widens the sprawl of his legs, “what are you waiting for Sparky?”

Sam snorts in amusement and crawls back onto the bed between Dean’s legs, running his hands up the muscled thighs, to the soft skin where his hips lead into his crotch, pulling lightly at the coarse hair, scraping lightly with his fingernails. Dean shivers and looks up at Sam with seriousness and raw desire warring on his face. “Want you Sam, want you in me, now.”

Sam’s eyes close, feeling overwhelmed at what he sees on Dean’s face, hearing those words, it’s almost too much, he pulls himself together and grabs for the lube, getting his fingers wet and slick. He moves Dean up so he has a better angle and begins circling around Dean’s tight hole. Dean’s eyes roll up and he sighs in pleasure, “Jesus, finally,”

Sam chuckles again, “So bossy, not surprised of course, but so very, very bossy.” He gets back to adding more fingers and thrusting them in and out of the widening hole, feeling them get sucked back in with all the slick lube, making him groan with anticipation. Dean’s noises are getting more incoherent, his eyes on Sam’s urging him on. “God, I’m ready already, just get a move on.” Sam rolls his eyes and gets a condom on, Dean slicking him up with more lube. Sam positions himself above Dean, hesitating for a moment, looking for an okay from Dean, before pushing his way in. Dean smiles at him, and there isn’t anything else he can do but take his brother then. The tightness, the heat, the idea that it’s Dean he is entering, floods Sam with almost too much pleasure, he can see in Dean’s eyes it’s the same for him. Sam caresses Dean’s belly, trying to relax Dean enough so he can get all the way in. Finally bottoming out, Sam resists thrusting right away, waiting to see a sign from Dean. Dean breathes in deeply and somehow relaxes just enough, giving Sam a little nod “move, please, just move Sam”

Sam does, he pulls out almost all the way, thrusting back in hard, setting up a fast rhythm that Dean just holds on for, his legs up high on Sam’s shoulders, folded almost in half. Words of encouragement, endearments, filth and love run together in a steady stream from Dean until he gets suddenly quiet. Sam slows his pace and searches Dean’s face for a reason. Tears are streaming down out of Dean’s eyes, but he’s smiling, the happiest he’s seen him in years. “You ok there Dean?” asks Sam gently, smiling back through his own tears and caressing the side of Dean’s face.

“Never better, never better brother of mine, just never thought we’d get to do this. C’mon now, let’s finish this thing.” Dean cracks a grin and thrusts his hips up to meet Sam. They both groan together at that feeling of being completely connected, and repeat it over and over again. Dean tightens up, stops breathing and then bows up off the bed, constricting down on Sam so he can barely move, shooting out wet and hot between them. The idea that Dean has just come without a hand on him makes Sam overload and he follows after a couple more thrusts, finally slowing down when he can’t take the feeling anymore. He pulls out gingerly, pulls off the condom, tossing it onto the floor, and flops down next to Dean, arm around his waist, head tucked in Dean’s neck, breathing hard and hot.

Neither of them can speak for awhile, they just lay there together, holding one another, laying soft kisses where they can reach, caressing the skin that carry the road map of their lives together.

“Dean, you think it will always be like this?” Sam asks quietly.

“Hope so Sammy. That’s my plan anyways.” Dean turns to his side so he can see Sam’s face better. “Hey, you know, I’m sorry I had to die so we could get here. I wish you hadn’t had to go through all that. I know it was hard.”

“I know it’ll probably sound strange, but it was worth it.”

“Really, I’m that good huh?”

Sam’s chuckle rumbles deeply through his chest, “Sure you are Dean, sure you are.”