Breaking Badass Power Rankings: ‘To’hajiilee’

Breaking Bad is one of the greatest shows of all-time, so while Cajun Boy recaps each episode, I’m here to give you a little something extra via the Breaking Badass Power Rankings, which rank the most badass characters from every episode. Why “Badass?” Obviously, the so-not-clever-that-it’s-clever name, but also because Breaking Bad is the kind of a show that makes you want to drink an entire bottle before watching it, to soothe your soon-to-be-tense nerves. That’s pretty badass.

Episode: “To’hajiilee”

Not Ranked: Skyler, Holly, Lydia, and Andrea

#11. Huell

Huell is smart enough to think of himself first, but not so wise as to get out of a situation without implicating himself. He knows that Walt is a calculating murderer, a guy who can off 10 inmates by simply making a phone call, so when he sees the photo of Jesse’s brains splattered on the kitchen floor, he quickly tells Hank and Gomie everything he knows, without a lawyer presence. Huell probably thinks he can make a deal with the DEA, a little “you rub my bald egg-shaped head, I’ll run your bald bowling ball-shaped” shenanigans. Or maybe it’s just a rare case of rushed plotting from the Breaking Bad writers. Either way, he’s in last place…by a LANDSLIDE. *diarrhea noise*

#10. Saul

The only thing brighter than Saul’s shirts is his smile after someone recognizes him. Also, as Danger noticed, look at the difference between Saul’s billboard hair and Saul’s now hair. Breaking Bad‘s true emotional journey is the one Saul takes gathering up enough courage to take a shower.

#9. Marie

If I’ve learned anything from The Simpsons (I’ve learned everything from The Simpsons), it’s that husband and wives should never discuss dead animals. Think about what happened to poor Ned and Maude Flanders: she goes to buy hot dogs, he requests that they not be foot-longs, and five minutes later, BOOM. She’s dead. We don’t know that Hank (and Gomez) will ironically turn into the same staged pile of blood and brains that’s resting in Marie’s garbage can. We only know that a gloating husband — WHO NEVER INFORMED THE DEA OF WHAT HE WAS DOING, SO IF HE DIES AND MARIE SPILLS EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS ABOUT HEISENBERG, SHE’LL HAVE NO REAL PROOF — telling his wife it “may be awhile before I get home” is never good news. Plus, the dead animal thing. But who will weep for the Gomie, he says as 30 Playboy babes attend his funeral?

#8-7. Brock and Walt Jr.

A one-act play, starring Brock Cantillo and Walter White Jr.

The end. Brock’s mother is a former junkie, his uncle is dead, he’s been poisoned, and the only male role model in his life has vanished — all he’s got is his Froot Loops, and he’s not letting any Whites get in his way.

Ok, so the DEA guy is just going to accept Hank not returning his calls and never coming back? That’s my point, that guy’s going to get tired of standing out there at some point not knowing anything and not hearing from the guy who told you to.

@ boogieman, that would be the most plausible scenario of the Huell situation goes nowhere. Now that you mention it, I don’t remember actually seeing anyone either. I’ll be rewatching, so I’ll be sure to look.

(I’m tired of being wrong, so I’m totally not going to mention my “Nazis make Jesse cook, Walt comes back to retrieve Jesse for redemption’s sake, Jesse kills Walt” theory)

That’s the line of thinking I was going with as well. Todd knows Jesse can cook, so either Walt or Jesse will work for the AB gang. Maybe Walt escapes but Jesse doesn’t, the AB trash Walt’s house as retribution, and Walt goes into hiding. Jesse is forced to cook.

I’m thinking along these lines too. Gomie is done for, for sure. Hank too, probably. Jesse gets taken in my the Nazis. Walt too, but eventually gets out. Jesse either killed or kept by the Nazis. Walt returns to rescue/avenge Jesse.

If the Nazis were forcing Walt to cook, he wouldn’t be allowed to wander the countryside getting breakfast and buying cars. But if they had Jesse as Prisoner/Cook, and Walt’s family was already in — oh wait a second. If somehow Walt gets out of the desert alive, he could make up one of his stories about how he and Gomie and Hank were all innocently poking around when these Nazis showed up and killed them. My only problem w/ the ricin in a batch is I had the impression that the ricin would kill you if you looked at it funny, he’d have to burn down the whole lab afterward to make sure no Drew Sharps wandered into it and died later.

I don’t even care about all the “if you’re rooting for Walt you’re a sick bastard and probably misogynist” think pieces that are a dime a dozen on the internet these days, I don’t see how anyone can be rooting for Hank to make it out of this thing alive.

I agree on both points, I haven’t been watching this show for 5 seasons to watch Walt be busted by his douche, alpha male Brother in Law. Brock is getting BOTH a yogurt and string cheese with his PB and J that warrants at least a 3

Lol yeah great logic
Walt- poisons kid, kills witnesses, lets girl die, orders Jesse to kill world’s nicest meth cook, kills 10 witnesses, kills Mike for no reason, bombs a nursing home, lies to everyone, manipulates everyone, cooks meth BUT OH HE DOES IT “FOR HIS FAMILY” AND HAS A NICE SMILE AND SAYS NICE THINGS SOMETIMES SO I GUESS HE’S GOOD
Hank- is a public servant BUT OH HE’S KINDA COCKY AND HE DOESN’T LIKE JESSE SO HE MUST BE THE BIGGEST DOUCHE EVER.
Idiots.

as someone whose never lived in the desert what is with people wearing so much clothes out there [i see it in breaking badand basically every western], I taught it would be boiling out there. In the cow house scene Jesse looks dressed for a scandanivan winter

It allegedly catches the AC within your clothes and keeps you cooler. Also, it gives you a break from the sun. I moved to Phoenix last year and that’s what i was told. But I’m gonna wear shorts and t-shirts cuz I’m fat.

Also, they were shooting it in January and apparently, the scene where Jesse and Walt and Saul all met up in the desert, it was about 5 degrees and all of them had multiple handwarmers in their pockets.

“Stormtroopers are with their lasers”?? WHAT. IS. THIS?? do you also go on rants about the” kids & their twitters “? (replace ‘lasers’ with ‘blasters’ please )…

… and unless jack is his pseudonym for himmler, speer, Hess , etc and he’s really well preserved 90+ years old, they’re not Nazis; by the looks of them they wouldn’t have qualified under the racial laws in Hitler’s Germany

I had a similar thinking in regards to the Nazi theory: I was thinking that Walt would refuse to cook for him after the Nazis gun down Hank and that they would take Jesse in his place, and run Walt and his family out of town. Walt is tired of living on the fringe, or maybe his conscience gets the better of him, so he decides to buy a big machine gun and rescue Jesse. He’ll rescue Jesse and then take the ricin cigarette himself….maybe. I don’t know. I hope Vince goes in a direction I can not begin to comprehend.

I’ll take a shot at predicting what will happen next (though I’ve rarely been right; which is why I love this show so much!): Hank and Gomie are killed. Jesse either escapes or is taken by the Nazis (he can cook after all). Walt returns to his family as if nothing happened, but Marie knows differently. She tries to kill Walt (poison, maybe) and accidentally kills one of the children instead. After that, no clue.

HOW THE FUCK is Walt ranked near the top? He’s a complete dumbfuck throughout the entire episode! God what bullshit I swear the guy could spend an entire episode sleeping and you guys would still call him “badass” he DOES NOTHING SMART OR BADASS IN THIS EPISODE HE SCREWS UP EVERYTHING

Gilligan has acknowledged his love of Chekhov’s Gun in the show so here’s my theory:
When Hank made Walt drop his gun, it was behind where the Aryan brotherhood sets up to shoot at Hank and Gomie. This gun has never done much of anything, which is unusual so I’m thinking Jesse goes and picks it up, then starts offing the Aryans from behind. They, being in the midst of a firefight, certainly wouldn’t notice at first. After that, I have no clue. Pretty sure some of those guys are surviving but I don’t think Jesse is gonna die yet either so maybe he gets scared and splits after shooting a couple… I have no clue. I’m sure Gilligan has something brilliant planned as always