Guardians of the Galaxy (2008) vs Detective Comics

The battle preparation of Kate Kane is immediately evident as she checks her teammates. Looking across the battlefield, she observes what appear to be… aliens, a tree, a shampoo model, and… a raccoon with a gun? This unit has faced monsters before, it wasn’t easy, but together, there’s few problems that they haven’t been able to overcome.

It’s Batwing who first breaks the awkward silence, “So, how we doing this?”

Batwoman thinks with a quickness and tactical genius that can only come from years of training and study. She reflects on all her years of combat and purses out, “Clayface, you take the tree, make some axes maybe, cut it down. Orphan and Spoiler, you’re on the two green ones, be careful, they look tough and we don’t know their capabilities. Try to stay on the defensive until you’ve got them figured out. Batwing, you…” She’s cut off.

“I’ll take the normal looking dude, I’m not about to fight a raccoon, watch out for his gun?!” He jets off to battle.

Meanwhile, Star-Lord stares down quizzically as the other team has their meeting. “You know, the redhead is kind of hot, I think, she’s kind of far away, maybe I should go after her?” he jogs off towards his objective.

Drax screams, “BATTLE!” and pulls out two alarmingly large knives. And takes off, full sprint.

Groot mumbles, “I am Groot.” and picks up the Rocket, placing him on his shoulder as he lumbers into the fray.

Gamora rolls her eyes and mutters to herself, “how did I get mixed up in all of this?” as she chases after her cohorts, most assuredly knowing that she’ll be saving at least one of them in a very short manner of time.

The ten clash in the middle of the arena full fury. Batwing reaches his target first, flying two fists first at Star-Lord’s abdomen. Just before landing his attack, Groot extends his long wooden arms to swat Batwing away. Batwing adjusts and turns up, which is perfect for Rocket. He’s been working with Groot long enough to know how this end. He takes aim at the giant metal bat and get ready to shoot.

PTANG! A red, metal bat flies into Rocket’s tiny Raccoon hands and he drops his gun.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!?!” Rocket pounces again, but Batwoman is slightly less surprised this time. She’s able to sidestep the lunge, but underestimates the recovery speed, and Rocket makes a sharp turn from the ground to scurry up Batwoman.

As Batwoman is frantically trying to fight the cosmic rodent, Clayface arrives at Groot, stops and forms up giant axes to chop down Groot. Groot reaches out to stop the blades, his wooden finger cracking as axes come down. Clayface roars and turns one arm into a spiked wrecking ball. He smashes into center mass and Groot get knocked down.

“Hey! That tree’s a friend of mine!” Star-Lord whips out his element guns and sets to fire. The flames erupt onto Clayface, forcing him to retreat a step in retaliation.

Drax arrives a moment after screaming, “Mine too!” He drives his knives into Clayface’s chest. The knives get sucked in, then forearms, up to his shoulder’s, and Drax become fully engulfed within Clayface.

“Great! Half our work is done!” Spoiler calls to Orphan. “Want to double up on the other green one?”

Not that there would have been a response, but Gamora doesn’t leave it open for on anyway, “One of you, two of you, all five of you. It doesn’t matter. I’m the Most Dangerous Woman in the Universe.” She draws a sword and stabs at Spoiler.

Orphan is able to kick the blade away inches away from it’s target and coldly replies, “No.” She strikes out at Gamora testing her abilities. Gamora is able to counter ever blow. Spoiler decides that she needs to tip the scales and fires her grappling gun. The cable ensnares Gamora for the briefest of moments, but it’s an eternity to Orphan. She makes the most of the opening and kicks the center of gamora’s chest. A normal person would buckle over, unable to breath. If she’s kicked a little bit harder, a normal person would never be able to breath again. Gamora staggers back slightly, cuts through the cable with her sword, and charges. Cassandra’s lips form the faintest of smiles as she realizes this is a foe with whom she does not have to hold back.

Seeing her friend dive into a frenzy, Spoiler decides to turn her attention elsewhere. She scans the battle and see Clayface recoiling from fire while looking… like he ate something funny? And she sees they regular guy holding the flame thrower. She springs into action, casting a line off of the tree person as it picks itself up and swings a kick into Star-Lord. The attack forces him several feet back and he lands on his side.

“Flamethrowers? Not very original!” Stephanie Brown taunts as she digs through her utility belt for the perfect follow up weapon.

“Element Gun!” Star Lord retorts, setting his weapons to wind and blowing her away. He rolls over and pops up. He dashes back towards Clayface when Batwoman, still frantically engaged in a bizarre mele with Rocket stumbles into him. Knocking him over again. “Quit screwing around Rocket, let’s get Drax out of that mud monster!” He pulls Rocket off of Batwoman.

“Thanks,” she smiles, “but I don’t need your help.” She punches Peter Quill in the head and drops like a rock. She turns her attention back to Rocket but he’s wandered off, nowhere to be found. She see Batwing swooping in up ahead and Bat-Ropes to him, landing on top of Groot. “Let’s see what we can do here.” She pulls a couple of Bat-Knuckles out of her belt and goes to town trying to damage his barky exterior while dodging around his attempts to defend himself while Batwing flies in and out doing the same.

Forgoing his personal vendetta against Batwoman, and bereft his own gun, Rocket grabs the two Element Guns and cranks the setting, “Let’s give this a shot” He blasts out water onto Clayface.

“Shuddup and MAKE ME!” Rocket doubles down, his plan seeming to work. Clayface can only take on so much of the water, unable to escape it, he washes out into a pile of mud on the ground.

As the mud heap begins to dwindle, Clayface’s ability to hold form dwindling, Drax bursts through, exploding the last vestiges of Clayface’s human appearance. He sees the two attacking Groot, and he spring into to action. “The tree is under MY protection!”

“I don’t think he needs it!” Batwing frantically offers, just moments before Groot is able to reach up and grab him. Groot throws the armor to the ground and stomps over him. His feet begin to grown around, and then into the dirt. Batwing is trapped under the weight of a tree, with the pressure of his root system pulling down. It takes moments for his mechanical systems to fail and leave him trapped underneath.

Noticing the new threat, Batwoman hops off and takes the fight to Drax. After a few punches and kicks she can’t help but say aloud, “You’re stronger than Bane.”

“I don’t know who Bane is, but I assure you, he could not defeat me.”

“I said you’re stronger, and you don’t have to worry about him defeating you, you have to worry about ME.” She Bat-Rops his feet and pulls him down.

She throws an adhesive bomb down on his chest, SPLURCH, a thick glue covers his torso and Batwoman takes off after the captor of Batwing.

She’s intercepted halfway there by her old friend, Rocket. “You thought I was just gonna give up on us? I thought we had something special! Hahaha!” he taunts just before firing the element gun’s “Earth” feature all around her, encasing her in a closed off, rocky prison.

A quick scan allows him to find Gamora, holding off both Spoiler and Orphan. Given time, who knows how it’d end up, but after Rocket frees Drax and the two join the fight, they’re just too much to handle, even for our world’s greatest fighter.