Cinéma Atroce: Croczilla

Summer has officially begun, and here at Cinéma Atroce we’re calling it the Summer of Monsters. We have some exciting things planned for Shark Week Month (July), so keep checking back for more on that. And if you have a favorite good-bad monster movie that’s currently on Netflix streaming, let us know and we’ll add it to the queue.

Godzilla could be considered the original movie monster, so Croczilla seemed like a fitting choice for us as the first official summer movie. Its alternate title is Million Dollar Crocodile and from what we can tell, it’s definitely bad. According to IMDB: “A 36 foot crocodile goes on the rampage in Beijing after being moved from a peaceful Crocodile Farm and onto the menu of a local gangster.” It’s hard to imagine a crocodile farm as “peaceful,” but we’ll go with it. There will definitely be bad dubbing, and the croc allegedly swallows a woman’s purse a la Romancing the Stone. Are we supposed to root for the crocodile? Will it pass the Bechdel test? What do Crocodile Tears taste like? These and other questions will be answered tonight. And we’ve changed it up so it’s a chat, so please join in the commentary!

Showtime is tonight, 9pm Central. Make yourself a croc-tail, find a comfy spot on the couch, tune in to Croczilla on Netflix, and pull up the livechat starting at 9pm CDT.

Bomberella: Wait, do we count the brief conversation with the field worker and bag lady? Did the field worker say anything? Does she have a name?

Bomberella: "Get out of here, wacko! Leave us to be eaten in peace!"

Bomb Voyage: That kid's voice sounds like an old man trying to sound like a 9 year old.

Bomberella: And the big guy sounds like a 9-year-old trying to sound like a man.

Siri: Their going to fall in love.

Bomberella: Oh I hope they fall in love. That would be amazing.

Bomberella: "How did you two meet?"

benji_kowalsky: Yup. There you go. Stand up guy.

Bomb Voyage: Life lesson: never carry a lot of cash.

Bomberella: "Well, my boyfriend had a pair of panties (not mine) in his glove box. So I started walking and this giant crocodile ate my handbag, so I approached this fake cop and he came with me to this field, and after everything, we fell in love."

Bomberella: "Don't let her off the bus!" It's like the beginning of Speed!

benji_kowalsky: "Well, OK, then."

Siri: oooo name that cover

Bomberella: I'm blanking.

Bomb Voyage: She is really fucking annoying.

Bomberella: Why? Because she wants her money back? Or because she's narrating what's happening?

Bomb Voyage: Because she won't calm down.

Siri: Ha!

benji_kowalsky: The lesson: stay home and count your beans, kids.

benji_kowalsky: count your beans.

Bomberella: Count your beans to keep your beans?

Bomb Voyage: Also don't run around naked.

benji_kowalsky: or a crocodile will eat your friends and a crazy man will see your clothes and a girl will see your privates.

benji_kowalsky: and you will have the worst day in the world.

Bomberella: Steal! The crazy man stole his clothes.

Bomb Voyage: Amao and the terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Bomberella: He didn't seem upset that the crocodile ate one of his friends.

Bomb Voyage: Lara Croft: Crocodile Hunter

Bomberella: "You don't believe me? But I've been carrying this purse strap nonstop since it happened as proof!"

Bomberella: Joan Wilder: Euro Chaser

Bomb Voyage: Croczilla: the Touching Story of a Boy and an Enormous Killer Crocodile

Bomberella: The crocodile didn't pick up because she was on the other line with her mom. #stereotype

Siri: Ha!

benji_kowalsky: "hello, clarisse? I'm inside a crocodile

benji_kowalsky: , Clarisse."

Bomberella: "Mom, I'm having a bad day, okay? I was almost bludgeoned by a serial killer, then some woman whacked me with her purse and I had to walk NINE miles to the dam. And then, and then! There was this phone inside me. So annoying.

benji_kowalsky: They can open doors!

Bomberella: It's like the scene from The Dark Knight when the guy has a phone in him and it blows up.

Siri: Ugh, I just want to drop these eggs off at the pool

Bomberella: Seriously.

Bomberella: OMG now purse lady is on the phone with her mom and the cop can't get through!