US inventor finally granted patent for snowman construction

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With all the patent lawsuit wars happening these days between pretty much every big-name tech company, including Microsoft, Apple, Samsung, HTC, (and the list goes on), you’d think the last thing we’d want to hear about today is another patent. However, this one happened to catch our eye. And, believe it or not, we’re talking about “eyes made out of coal.” Yes, Frosty the Snowman, or more correctly, the construction of snowmen and snowwomen as a whole, has been patented.

If you look at the 8,011,991th United States Patent, you will see the “Apparatus for Facilitating the Construction of a Snow Man/Woman,” granted to inventor Ignacio Marc Asperas of Melville, NY. The patent was filed on Jan. 31, 2006 but was just granted on Sept. 6, 2011.

As someone who’s had to try to pick through long and boring patents to understand and extract the most important information, reading Asperas’ patent was actually a delight. It’s conversational and a bit humorous. Asperas says in the patent application that he’s surprised no one has thought of patenting the snowman before.

Asperas says that “as an old pro” he knows what a “pain in the back” it is to roll a snow boulder around a yard. As you all know, the more you roll the boulder around the yard, the larger the boulder grows and rolling it becomes exponentially harder. If you want to make a “real big snowman,” like Asperas does, you “end up breaking your back.”

The 25-page patent details methods for creating the spherical shape of the body, as well as some of the trials and tribulations, including uneven boulders that can make the snowman look like it has a “big caboose.” He also warns us that as temperatures rise, the snowman will melt, compact on itself and deform, possibly falling over. “Happy smiles fade into frowns.”

Asperas even goes into detail about a revolutionary way to build a snowman that would use a type of snow sphere that would make each boulder extremely light weight, but still able to hold snow thanks to static electricity that attracts and holds dry snow onto the sphere. His method of building a snowman is quite interesting, and we suggest you read the full patent for yourself (PDF).

And don’t go thinking this is a joke, because Asperas makes it perfectly clear in the beginning of the patent that it’s not. He includes a warning saying that “the following is not a joke patent.” He assures the readers that it’s completely serious.

Speak Your Mind

Then the snowman creator can go from house to house, state to state and countries to sue everyone who make snowman like his in the winter.

The only value of patent today is for the creator sit on his patent and waits for others to make something similar and then sues others for money.

Anonymous

Then the snowman creator can go from house to house, state to state and countries to sue everyone who make snowman like his in the winter.

The only value of patent today is for the creator sit on his patent and waits for others to make something similar and then sues others for money.

Anonymous

Then the snowman creator can go from house to house, state to state and countries to sue everyone who make snowman like his in the winter.

The only value of patent today is for the creator sit on his patent and waits for others to make something similar and then sues others for money.

Gsxrme

One day these patents are going to get so far out of control someone is going to sue someone over the wrong thing and get killed over a snowman. I will not pitty that fool.

Dr. Stabismuss

But he didn’t invent the snowman ?
The patent system is becoming worthless.

lonegunmen

What about prior art? The US Patent System is so screwed up.

Jerryboccijr

Huh. According to my calendars, “New Year’s Eve” is December 31, NOT January 31, as Ms Bergen indicates. Further, his patent is for a device that facilitates creation of snowmen/women, not for an actual snowman/woman. It’s basically a sticky ball, with bumps (and possibly an electrostatic charge?), to which you stick snow. Three of these (in different sizes) make the base, torso, and head, with additional sticky tubes for arms. It even includes a hat, “gloves” for hands, some pieces for buttons and mouth, and a couple of black pieces for eyes.
Did anybody (incl. the author of this article) even read the patent? Just be the drawings and description, I’d rate this _device_ just above those hideous inflatable snowmen.