A few hundreds of kilometers north of here, in Yala province, Thailand, we got the final proof that Thais totally smoked their brains out: a macaque or better a monkey has been recruited as a cop. A COP.

This story came to my attention by way of my best friend Carlo just around time of the results of the latest Italian political elections. I can see the monkey cop episode epitomizes perfectly what is happening back home. For as much as I dislike calling it this way, but home still is… but let’s go back to the monkey cop.

The Thais, this beautiful people, thought that a monkey cop would reinforce and establish the public image of the armed forces. I think this is really proper and apt: finally, an ape has been put into the right place. For a moment, looking at the avant-garde position of the separatist Muslim southern Thailand province of Yala, the police shows its real face. Some scientist once asserted that some thousands monkeys enclosed all together in a room in front of typewriters may be able to come up with a perfect copy of Dante’s “Divina Commedia”; so far, we just have a monkey cop in Yala province. I hope more will be coming, all over the world.

And coming back “home”: in light of the recent election results, I started imagining what would happen if some wiser human being decided to change the Italian political scene with a bunch of monkeys. I thought better. And better. I really tried to make an effort to remember where I lost track of the episodes, probably in between some hookers fucked in Putin’s bed and a fistful of broken teeth falling out of a big loudmouth. Of course. THEY ALREADY DID IT. Yala province comes second: we (or better, YOU) have thought about it first.

The problem is, and those cute little quirky animals I love so much should forgive me, somebody substituted a big part of the Italian population with so many stupid monkeys too! It’s just ridiculous. It’s almost worst than the Malaysian society. Again, the political results show that the monkeys have taken over my ex country. And there are monkeys everywhere… monkeys that think they are intelligent! Oh my gosh, so many of them! They also read newspapers…and some of them also write them! Wow. Such an amazing result: once again, Italy has appeared to the world as the biggest floating piece of shit in the Mediterranean toilet. Somebody will flush it, very soon. Therefore, be very careful.

The funny thing is that some wiser monkeys, the ones that maybe one day will evolve into humans, decided to ignore the political monkeys’ games, and stayed on their trees eating bananas and fucking their mates instead of going under the big black monolith to press the button and make a choice. Maybe a victory, maybe not, I still feel very sad for the destiny of all of these primates.

I’ve also been told by some other monkeys that “the election day is the only one we have to contribute and show our choice”. Uh. I never thought about this, you wiser, cute, grey colored lemur. You see, somewhere across the big plains of this mud ball we scratch our monkey’s butts on, some monkeys, and I say, JUST SOME are not happy to feed on the plantation’s bananas and press the button once in a while. Some of them, like the black bearded flying macaques, retired on the highest canopies and don’t need to push any button, on any given day. When they look up, they just see the sky, the big, blue, cloudy and shiny sky. They don’t see the banana plantation owner nightstick, and they don’t even know what that button is.

So in a nutshell, or more aptly, in a banana skin, watch your monkey asses: if a monkey can be a cop in Thailand, and a population can be substituted by primates in Italy, a somewhat developed nation, this must mean something, right?

It is just too difficult to stop looking at the tip of your nose, and focus forward, where the truth should be.