Sunday, October 30, 2011

Perch Creek

It took Jeremy four years to convince his parents that it would be a good idea to take a vacation in Perch Creek. Jeremy was really into snow and loved the sights of Perch Creek. His boyfriend, Ron, lived there as well.

Jeremy's parents, after almost two years of saying no, decided that it would be okay this year to visit, because at least the town had a mall and an ice skating rink.

Jeremy was extremely excited. He signed onto Skip to tell Ron of the good news. Ron was equally excited and the two talked for hours about what they would do. Being young boys, they also shared sex fantasies between each other. As they were talking, Jeremy stopped and looked closer at the screen.

Ron: "What's wrong, Jeremy?"

Jeremy: "Who's that?"

Jeremy pointed to Ron's window. Because they were using video chat, Ron could see Jeremy's hand. He spun around as fast as he could. As he did, whoever "that" was dropped below the rim of the window.

Ron walked over to it, without the camera, and opened the window. He looked around for a few minutes then went back to his computer.

Ron: "I think you're seeing things, babe."

Ron laughed. Jeremy didn't. He was extremely worried that someone might have been outside his house. Ron promised he would be safe and, if anything happened, he'd call the police. Eventually, Jeremy gave in. They said their goodbyes and went to sleep.

The following week came and went, with no figure returning to his window, so Ron was able to calm Jeremy. The boy said okay. On that Friday, the two were talking on Skip.

Ron: "What's up, babe?"

Jeremy: "I get to see you soon! Like, tomorrow!"

Ron: "I know. I'm so excited."

Jeremy: "I love you."

Ron: "I-"

Ron was cut off by a smashing sound in his house. Jeremy began getting increasingly nervous. He repeatedly asked Ron to call the police, but Ron calmed him down, telling him it was probably nothing.

That was one bad thinga bout Ron: he thought he was the shit. This led him into a lot of trouble, but Jeremy was never there to deal with it, so he never worried too much. This time, though, he was really worried - with good reason, too.

Jeremy had looked up any crimes being committed in Perch Creek recently. There was a pretty bad string of burglaries that led to murders.

They were all committed in the same way. Someone would look in on a family through their windows and the following week break in and kill them. In pretty gruesome ways, too.

The perpetrator would cut the victim's fingers off, one by one, and slit their throats. Afterward, he would disembowel them and completely disappear. Jeremy was pretty sure this was happening, so much so he was in tears begging Ron to stop.

Ron didn't list. In fact, he ended up muting his computer and putting it down so Jeremy would stop complaining. Ron walked into the next room and Jeremy never saw him again.

Ron was killed in the same way as all the other victims. Jeremy, needless to say, was now bawling his eyes out. That was...until the sound came back on and Jeremy could hear deep breathing.

When Jeremy lifted his face, on the other end of the video chat was that man from the window, staring at him. He pointed to Jeremy and waved hello before turning off the computer. Jeremy felt his heart sink.

He was easily able to talk his parents out of the trip to Perch Creek, telling them about the murders and what happened. The family called the police to check the video on Jeremy's computer, to see if they cound identify the perp. Nothing came of it.

Nothing happened for the next sixteen years. Eventually, Jeremy decided to go to Perch Creek to say goodbye to his old boyfriend permanently. He took his new boyfriend, Richard, and the two packed away for Perch Creek. They arrived on a Saturday, during a blistering hail storm, and walked to the cemetery.

Jeremy said goodbye to his deceased boyfriend - the final goodbye - and the two decided to sleep the night in a motel. This motel, however, was right at the edge of the Ichor forest.

At 3:00AM, the door to their room burst open. Jeremy shot out of bed and saw his worst fear: that same man from sixteen years ago. The man was coming towards him. Jeremy started crying and woke up Richard, who stood up and went to fight the man. The man easily subdued Richard and grabbed Jeremy.

He beat Jeremy almost to death and eventually threw him to the floor. When he started cutting Jeremy's finger's off, the boy passed out from the pain.

The last thing Jeremy rememebered was the motel disappearing as he was dragged into Ichor forest, the horrific sound of crunching bones heard somewhere near him. It was like something was hungry.

The issues with this one go beyond the numerous grammatical errors. It just wasn't a compelling story. Also, they detailed the mundane (well, relative to creepypasta) bits of body horror but skimmed over the things that would actually make me cringe. Also, I'm all for referencing other stories but this one just directly piggybacked on the Ichor story and didn't do the original justice. The one thing I did respect was that, although we were bludgeoned to death with the character's sexual orientation, there wasn't a heavyhanded moral to it or anything. Props for having a functional gay couple. Anyway, it had potential but this one fell flat.

I'm sorry to be so rude, but I have to agree with the YeamieWaffles comment. It's always important to give developing writers some encouragement, and as a commenter, it's a good idea to mention some good aspects, but in recent months I've seen pastas that could be compared to the "Day of Blood", and for every single one, you post something like"Holy crap! I'm shaking in my seat right now, you need to turn this into a full-length novel!"

wow this was actually very well written in my opinion, my only problem with this one was the fact that it was focused too much on the fact that the main characters were gay, that was a pointless thing, and it does not touch hearts of people reading, but it was no doubt a fantastic creepy + Pasta setting and plot wise

okay this pasta was terrible. that's obvious. but I don't understand why people keep commenting that the author made too big of a deal about them being gay? the only thing I noticed them say was that they were boyfriends and that Jeremy was gonna visit Ron, and that they talked about sex to each other (which all young boys do) and that they, like lots of couples, called each other "babe." ... this isn't stuffing it down our throats. this is them just being a couple. congratulations on your double standards, though.

Honestly, this Pasta sucked.Too many grammatical errors to count, spelling was just atrocious, poorly written and obviously not planned out.You are obviously a Yaoi fan, which I respect. But you emphasized the homosexuality in this story outrageously and very unnecessarily.

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