When told that Fasi wasn't enthusiastic about assigning local cops to guard Marcos, Speakes rather pompously said: ''We expect all security elements -- federal, state and local -- to discharge their duties in a responsible fashion.''

So we called Fasi to see how he was going to discharge his duty, as Speakes put it, to the rich, new resident of his city.

Fasi didn't sound at all awed by Speakes.

''Two days ago,'' the mayor said, ''I got a call from Mr. Frank Keating of the Treasury Department. He wanted backup service by the Honolulu police for the Secret Service for at least 30 days and possibly for up to six weeks.

''We agreed to disagree.

''I gave him two reasons why we wouldn't do this. One, the cost could be as high, for six weeks, as half a million dollars. More important, this would take the police officers off more important duties -- protecting the people -- for just one man.

''We aren't going to do that. I told them to contact off-duty police officers and hire them.''

''I also pointed out that Mr. Jimmy Carter is on the island at the present time. Mr. Ford and Mr. Nixon are frequent visitors. And they do well enough with their own Secret Service protection. I also pointed out that the deposed president of Korea, Syngman Rhee, lived four doors from me, and I don't remember ever seeing any police officers around his house.

''Mr. Speakes says he expects the local government and local officials to accommodate them? I say, fine, we'll cooperate. But if it's going to cost us money, you come up with the dough.''

When the superrich Marcos sent one of his flunkies to see Fasi about getting police protection, Fasi told him the same thing. ''I told them to hire off-duty police officers, if that's what they want.''

''I think he'll be very safe here. Seventy-five percent of the Filipinos who live here come from his province, or else their ancestors came from there. That's why there are a lot here who support him.''

But the possibility of offending any pro-Marcos voters doesn't worry Fasi. He has been in office for 14 years. They seem to like his outspoken style.

''Listen, I gotta go. I only play golf once a week and I'm about to miss my starting time. You ought to come out here and try the golf.''

I may do that. And when I do, Speakes won't have to worry about my safety. My wife knows karate.