What are you boycotting?

I’ve always been a big boycotter. At any given time, I’m usually actively involved in 10 or 20 one-man boycotts of a variety of products, organizations, sporting events, Slurpee flavors and Josh Hartnett movies. I continued boycotting table grapes for years after Cesar Chavez said it was OK to start eating them again — No Uvas! — and at one point was boycotting three different phone companies. (Currently it’s down to one. Congratulations, EarthLink!)

comcast.com

Boycotted.

Now that I’ve got a child — and have been introduced to a new world of consumer goods, organizations and movies — my boycotting has expanded, to the point that it’s pretty much impossible to remember what I’m boycotting on any given week. Just keeping track of the companies involved in toy recalls has made me think about getting an intern.

I’ll write the most important ones down here. Please let us know about your parenting-related boycotts in the comments.

Caillou: There are a lot of cartoons and kid programs that I try to avoid. I’m convinced that Thomas the Tank Engine and his 436 friends would be a more expensive habit for our family than golf and crack cocaine combined, but I’ll still happily watch my sons play at the train table if we’re at his cousin’s place. Meanwhile, I will literally walk out of any home that airs the children’s TV show “Caillou,” which features the whiniest little kid and the two biggest helicopter parents in the world. For those who have never watched an episode, he’s like that kid Anthony from the 1980s “Twilight Zone” movie who got to do whatever he wanted, except Caillou is much more diabolical. I don’t want my kid to see “Caillou,” or even know the show exists, until he’s at least 25. If you like “Caillou,” then I’m boycotting you, too.

Peter Hartlaub/Chronicle

Stupid tigers get all the attention.

The San Francisco Zoo: This isn’t about the whole tiger slaying mess, where the conflicting information from the zoo people/lawyers has made me completely confused about how I’m supposed to feel/who’s to blame. But the slaying did serve as a reminder how crappy some of the SF Zoo’s animal enclosures are — especially when compared to the Oakland Zoo. The polar bears are in particularly horrible conditions, and I’m worried that all this money spent on new glass walls, PA systems and crisis public relations specialists for the tigers and lions is going to make it even harder for the bears to get a proper home.

Baseball: This began as a boycott of the San Francisco Giants. After reading my colleagues’ book “Game of Shadows,” and then continuing to watch the team enable Barry Bonds and his obvious steroid use (and his cavalier attitude toward his obvious drug use), I decided two years ago that I wasn’t going to give the Giants any of my money or take my son to games until Barry is gone. After the Mitchell report came out, I’m boycotting all baseball for at least another year. Except I’m still going to spring training this year, because that’s mostly about getting drunk and betting on greyhounds anyway. (My boycott, my rules.)