Should I be mad that my mistress is sleeping with a friend of mine?

I know there is no honor amongst thieves, so to speak, but should I be upset that a former friend of mine has hooked up with my mistress. I feel that I am in love with her, and have entertained leaving my wife for her. However, she is from a lower economic strata than I am and has two children 11 and 8. I would love to be their stepdad, but wondering if entertaining the thought of ever being with this woman is foolish in light of what I have indicated?

Please leave your wife. You're cheating on her and complaining about your mistress sleeping with someone else so I'd guess your respect for your wife is at about zero. She deserves more and if you have any hint of love or care for her then let her go be with someone who does respect her.

You think it's fine to cheat on your wife and you think you deserve fidelity from the woman that you're cheating with... sounds like you think an awful lot of yourself. Guess what? No one in this situation owes you anything.

Anyway, no, don't be mad that your mistress is sleeping with anyone. Be mad at yourself for putting yourself, your wife, and your mistress' children (assuming you've met them) in this position.

No, After all you chose your wife before and during the affair.If you really were "in love" with your mistress you would have left.The reality is most people who cheat are not looking to replace one relationship with another! They want to compliment what they have.Their goal is to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side.You and your mistress were never in an "exclusive monogamous relationship". This would have been impossible since you have a wife you sleep with. Apparently not every mistress waits by the phone.Odds are you were only {kidding yourself} when you entertained the idea of leaving your wife, moving into a one bedroom condo, paying child support and possibly alimony, becoming a weekend dad, dividing up assets as well as family & friends who choose sides....etcIf your mistress wasn't your "only one" why would she have you as her "only one". She's free! You're the one who is legally attached!

I misread your statement. It was the mistress with 2 kids. Nevertheless it would be a major change for you to step in as a father children figure & take on those responsibilities. If you want out of your marriage leave with or without mistress

Take on the responsibilities of children?! He's the child~& he's certainly not been responsible 2 marriage, or have respect 4 his wife. It hurts? Aww. Have any idea of the utter pain U could cause UR wife if she were 2 find out? U'RE a loser.

A chuckle? I laughed right out loud!! TW...HUH? This "married man" is pissed & confused Bcuz his buddy is sleeping w/ his MISTRESS! Hello? I REALLY hope U read this all wrong. Otherwise how do U give him permission to be angry?? Say, "Oops!"

Being in love with your mistress does not give you the right to judge her or your friend. You talk about your feeling, as if her feelings are immaterial. You spoke of leaving your wife for her, but then you say she is from a lower economic strata, why? Maybe she did not have wealth passed down from inheritance and did not have the opportunities that you had. Forget about the stepdad BS. Seems to me you just want your wife and Edith too. I wish I could advise your mistress, if so I would tell her: If this man (meaning you) really loves you (meaning you mistress) and wanted you, he would leave his wife and be with you. But just remember this, if he (meaning you) did leave his wife and married you, MORE THAN LIKELY he would look for another mistress, and expect you to be true to him alone. Would he tell you about a new mistress? I would say not likely. And I would tell her to find someone else, whether it be your friend or not, someone who would not consider her 'economic strata' (SIC) beneath him.

I would advise your wife, if she knows about your mistress: At this juncture we are talking about sex. Find herself another man that she does not have to share with another woman/women, and she does not have to share their STDs.

I would advise you: 1. Leave your mistress, who you consider beneath your economic strata and allow her to find a man who will care for her and not use her for their sexual gratification. 2. Leave you wife, for the same reason (i.e. her protection) so she can find a fulfilling relationship for herself. It seems to me you are using her as protection against becoming involved in a relationship with another woman, and that is wrong to both the other woman and to your wife.3. Get yourself tested for any STDs including HIV.4. Stop expecting a woman to be monogamous to you if you cannot be monogamous to them. Love/Marriage is a two way street.5. Buy yourself a carton of prophylactics go out and have a ball.

I would say NO to your question, you haven't got the right to be angry at your mistress or your friend.if your mistress did it to make you jealous, she is also wrong, but that would be her problem to deal with.You asked if it would be foolish on your part? No, but it would be foolish on her part, IMO.

My opinion is solely based on your question and information above, and if I were in the situation of your wife or your mistress.

OMG!! Mr, MINK! You did this to be funny, right? You must have because it's hilarious! You ask a question like this, I certainly hope you can handle the responses! The question would be, "should you be angry." It's very clear you're MAD! You FEEL that you're "in love with her?" You've "entertained" leaving your wife? Well, you're quite a guy! Wow. How the hell do have the bajoobies to ask such an outrageous question.?? Never mind, don't answer that. That's what human beings call "rhetorical."I cannot wait until Tamara realizes she totally misunderstood your question! I know you'll find you thanked her for her "non-judgmental answer, in vain! If she comes back, she'll respond again, trust me.Providing your "buddy" is single, I hope he and your Mistress run away & live happily ever after & forget they ever knew you.I'm sorry. I do hope I'm not being too judgemental.Get lost you creep! Ugh...you're what my grandchildren would call, "Yukky!"

Yes, we all have issues, no doubt. I'm not in the habit of discussing anything about myself w/ total strangers.If U stay here as a writer, U'll get 2 know us all.Reading a writer's work will surely tell U a lot about them, if U're "interested."

I am surprised at this question. At the outset the man feels there are different standards for men and women and here my friend you are wrong. The best course for you is to atone, for what you contemplated is a sin. Leave the mistress and don't think of another one ever.

I'll restrain myself to the best of my... No I wont. Having a mistress means you're cheating on you're wife, and I find that deplorable. You're a terrible person.

Why even get married if you're just going to cheat on her?What ever happened to "Thou shalt not commit adultery"?What is so bad about your wife, that you want to leave her?How do you think that would make her feel if you did leave her?Why is this even a question?

Seriously, world, what the hell happened to decency and fidelity? I didn't even know there was a "non-monogamous relationships" section. I even unchecked the "Follow this question" box, because I don't even care if you reply to me. I don't even care if you delete this message. I just wanted to say something, because someone ought to, and it might as well be me.

James, My guess is very few people on their wedding day (plan) to cheat on their spouses. Those who do are probably "unhappy' about something they feel doesn't rise to the level of getting a divorce. I suspect people cheat for different reasons.

Strangely, I am not here to judge you. I will only answer your questions. My advice. Don't leave your wife to marry your mistress. It won't work out. See a counselor to find out why you have given yourself permission to cheat. Try to learn what motivates you to live in this manner.Unfortunately, cheating is more common than our outraged friends here care to admit....but that doesn't make it right. If I were you, I'd learn to develop the courage to live alone before getting involved in yet another foolish "love affair." Until you can face your own demons, you won't be able to enjoy a successful marriage with anyone. If you are unhappy with your love life at home, either try to fix it or leave. A good professional can help you get to the bottom of things. It could be you just need to change your behavioral patterns, which does not entail lying on the psychiatrist's chair for the next 10 years. Behavior modification can help you in weeks or months. Finally, don't act on your anger with your mistress. Feel what you feel. You might be better off feeling disappointed with your choices, but vowing to become a better man. Good luck.

Unlike everyone else here, I advise you do whatever makes you and someone else the most happy. Also look into possible alternative relationships and family structures. Why in this day and age when people accept every possible combination of relationship and sexual partner should the rest of us be stuck in a traditional marriage definition that has been proven to fail half of the time?

I would agree with you if he had specified that his wife knew about the mistress & was ok with it, but sounds like that's not the case. Once you're "stuck" in a traditional marriage you either get out or your "happiness" hurts someone else

Your question is interesting and I am sure many will relate to it as many are not so interested in God's view ,but I can give you both as a comment.

First I think you already know what you are going to do.Based on what the bible says .Mt 5:28 But I say to you that everyone who keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.So you already done this and more.There is a violation of breaking a moral law of God involved. There is nothing good can come from it as an conclusion. True of your feelings for your wife explains this scripture. Lu 16:13 No servant can be a slave to two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. You cannot be slaves to God and to Riches.”This also applies to relationships, you already are despising your wife with negative comments, I am sure she has some wonderful reasons you married her and had children. Don't fall in old trick bag of leaving your 100, for 20, because you think you are missing out on a good thing.It was bad when you step out on your wife .According to this scripture it is true.”Mt 19:6 So that they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has yoked together, let no man put apart.”

There is no blessings in breaking this moral law only headaches and pain to follow.Proverbs 5:18-19.18 May your own fountain be blessed,And may you rejoice with the wife of your youth, 19 A loving doe, a graceful mountain goat. Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.May you be captivated by her love constantly. As the song goes "Love the one your with"

Morality is exactly what's wrong in the world today, to many people want to throw it out the window, well the problem with the question is he is applying moral to his friend ,when he has no right .he is married. So you are wrong.

Wrench Mink made a vow before God to love and be faithful to his wife .he did this himself.He owes God for the payment ,he owes his wife because he promised. We all know a man word is his bound. Can we respect one who renigs on promises ?

Obviously, God gave Mink the libido so that one man could repopulate the Earth if necessary. Furthermore, the OP's question is not about morality. But your passion is to proselytize, and that is well with me.

A man "is" what is in his heart. He grows tired of one woman and seeks another. U cannot change his shape. U can only help him to become a better liar. Better for him to be unmarried, to unchain his libido, and to sow the wild oats.

Wrench in famies where the Father raises girls instead of boys what do you think he teaches them what he knows and how to protect his young women.Your knowledge is not secluded to malesThere are women very educated mentally and physically about men

First of all, don't ask a woman for advice when it comes to cheating, or extra-marital affairs. Both heterosexual and homosexual women are wired differently than men, and so any advice that a woman might give you concerning such matters is naturally tainted by gender bias.

Don't waste your money on a "professional" counselor or sex therapist either. These people are worse than politicians. And they'll keep you coming in for counseling for as long as they can. Suddenly, your name will change from Hermit Mink to Gravy Train.

Your problem is very common and easy to fix. You apparently have a healthy libido, but you are looking for love in all of the wrong places. The woman did you a favor by sleeping with your friend. She saved you a lot of time , money, and future heartache, and so you should be thankful that she got busy with your friend sooner, rather than later.

And there will be no "fixing" as far as your marriage is concerned. No amount of therapy can bring back a man's sexual attraction for a woman once it has faded. You can lie to the whole world, but you can never lie to your heart, or your favorite toy. The only cure for the old ennui is a new horse, and a brand new saddle. Don't let Pollyanna, or Dr Seuss convince you otherwise. Idealism is a wonderful thing, but it has no place in the bedroom.

You simply have to make the big boy choice and then deal with the consequences. You can either choose to stay in a sexless marriage and make the best of it, or you can get a divorce. However, if you choose to stay married and stop cheating, you will most likely become addicted to online pornography, since you will be forced to take matters into your own hands.

In my case, since my hands get enough exercise playing the keyboard and the guitar, I chose to get a divorce instead. I realized that it is not fair for me to be married to one beautiful woman, when so many beautiful women find me sexually attractive, and demand my attention. An affair can be exciting, but it can also be very dangerous. Furthermore, it simply isn't fair to your wife. But there is also a good chance that , just like your mistress, she is tired of having sex with you as well. In that case, you could both benefit from a friendly divorce.

I fail to see how the truth is "condescending". It is a simple fact that women as a rule idealize sex and love, and prefer the fantasy that both can be one and the same. But the divorce rate tells a different tale.

Mr Wrench I really think you are the bias one making a statement don't ask a woman about cheating, Men and women cheat ,it's still wrong and a betrayal of loyalty to your mate you made a vow to before God.If you promise or make a vow you pay .

KT,the OP's Q is not about morality. I lived inside of a woman for 9 months, and I am also a past master at the art of seduction. I am far more qualified to speak to such issues than a chaste woman who has never lived inside of a man..

no I haven't lived inside of a man but you don't have to ,to do the right thing I must say your example is not valid , woman was created from a man.So its still not right.Next just because you own a weapon does not mean you have the right to shoot

Right! What he needs 4 his "healthy" libido is a new horse & saddle & a stash of porn! Oh & don't forget the step ladder! U GO boy! U may even find a cow more attractive. U should really stick w/ UR own kind. Try a pig. Take UR antibiotic

The comments suggest female respondents here are chaste. Both M and F parasitic retain the memory of the mothers emotional state. It is possible 4 the male, being opposite, to recall the distinction. Females, being in harmony with the host, cannot.

As a rule, Men are easily manipulated with their penis, and Women are easily manipulated with emotion. Emotional advice is worthless to a womanizer. I am trying to help the man. What is your purpose? To defend the indefensible?

Not true. A woman is the crown of creation. I listen to women on matters they are qualified to address. In fact my success with women is directly related to my willingness to listen. Do not be deceived by my candor, I am your champion!

TYKT, During a time of crisis, sometimes Ego is the only thing that can stop the bleeding. If a man does not believe in himself, and love himself, it is not possible for him to love, or to believe in something greater.

A, Don't know, as I haven't given that much thought. But when a woman asks for honesty she often means: "Tell me what I want to hear". The only way a woman can escape gender bias concerning affairs of the heart, is to die, and to be reborn as a man.

A, Facts of Life: A woman is not qualified to advise a man on such sexual matters Neither is a man qualified to counsel a woman concerning the same. Education alone cannot provide such insight. Because of your female emotion, U have missed the point.

Really? Personally I would value both the male and female perspectives in this kind of situation. I think both can provide insight and value. I have not missed the point - I think your point is needlessly dismissive.

Wrench now we come to a disagrement. I think you believe that about women because of your up bringing . But I should inform you that is not the case in other homes. There are women Doctors that can tell you more about your body then you know.

The greatest science is to become the subject and study from within. We cannot "know" a man or a woman from a book; from without. Education in this regard is irrelevant. I know the subject as I am within. Who has multiple existential perspectives?

Wrench admit it if you needed medical help you could not give to yourself and the closest doctor available was a woman Guess what you would want her to save your life. True we all know things about ourselves. But we do not know everything.

My opinion is focused on extra-marital affairs. Only God can save my life. Human can only prolong it. I prefer being handled by a female doctor. Usually more pleasing to look at and also smell better. Overall, I don't like men. Too arrogant

If he is really your friend I guess there's really no reason to be angry with . try to hear her side 1st before you judge. who knows ? She had a reason why ? No need to be angry . she just your mistress

hell no you shouldn't be upset because she is single and you are married.secondly what does her economic status have to do with you leaving your wife and becoming her kids stepdad. you should step down and let their relationship evolve, after all you only entertained the idea of leaving your wife.if you truly loved her she would be your wife and not your side chick.

There is so much immoral behavior here...I'm not going to judge you on this....how can you have the nerve to even ask this question when you have a wife! So really you have nothing to say to your mistress or your friend....sounds like you want your wife and other women too...and that your mistress has moved on....focus on healing your relationship with your wife and ask god to forgive you...you don't love the other woman...you are just selfish and lustful and don't want to let go of either woman.....sad situation...good luck to you...

I think you are trying to have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't work that way when heart strings are involved. Your wife and yourself made a promise to each other after walking down that isle, yet you broke the promise with her. You should be ashamed of yourself for being so greedy. As for your "friend" if he knew you were having relations with this woman before starting the relationship, then he's not a friend. But, if he didn't then I would question the relationship with the mistress. Apparently in this case, she wasn't happy with you and moved on. Now that you stated that she was not economically strata as you, that is putting her down, why would any woman want to be with someone that thinks they are not good enough? If I were you, I would drop the mistress like a bad habit and seek some therapy for sex addiction as well as family therapy for your wife and yourself and repair it.

Wow, there is something psychologically off about this situation. Let me ask you a question. "How would you feel if your wife cheated on you?" Many men who cheat are fooling themselves into believing that your mistress ever cared for you. You are a game for her, your wonderful wife is sitting at home waiting on her so called man, while you become a game for another woman. She is fooling around with your former friend because you wont make a commitment to her, Oh and being from a lower economic situation than you is simply a problem but for most men unless you are the king in England. just in case you think that it is a good thing someone will find out who you are Hermit Mink and will tell your wife very soon. And maybe your wife will take you to the cleaners.

What you feel for your mistress is lust not love. You may regret leaving your wife for her,if you do. The grass looks green on the other side, but it is not always green. Try and make our marriage work.

I am so proud of you Hermit ! You know you are not the only one who have experienced this situation, I am sorry maybe some counsel here was pretty bruttle, but if that what it takes Let it be. May your logs burn in love more deeper then before.

Well Hermit you can see , at lease he did no bother your wife . he does have limits. Its just we dont want people having whats ours, past or present.And learn from it , he is not your friend.But it could have been worse.

Hello ... The fact that she is sleeping with you while you are still living with your wife is a dead give away (Not separated). You shouldn't be surprise that she will sleep with your friend too.It's probably her way of filling her emotional void.

I'm not here to judge you because I live in the Real World. In the Real World people cheat and it doesn't make them a bad person. It makes them a person who lacks common sense when it comes to matters of the heart. You're not in love with your mistress, because if you were, her economic status or how many kids she has would not matter. At this moment I would also question the love you have for your wife being that you're thinking of leaving her for someone else. With that being said, what you're feeling right now is Jealousy and angst. Your mistress has just let you know that you weren't all that and she needed herself a side piece as well. Oh and your former friend is now her new friend. Buck up and accept the situation or get some counseling and work on your marriage. More power to you.

You should not be worried as long as your mistress considers it appropriate and if it does not contradicts with her social norms and religious values. However, I feel sad when poor people like mistresses are exploited for short term sexual needs and then made part of our discussion. The best human value is to respect the honour and dignity of women and educate the male to think beyond their immediate needs as it is a matter of one's future and social status in the society.

A lot happening in a relationship. Spouse need to stay honest good for both parties . Incase you need help knowing what your spouse is easy doing about cheating . An hacker is specialist and good at hacking emails and password. Phone clone. Sims track and other other hacking stuff. He once help me with my wife. Contact him here hackdemon4@gmail.com tell him from tang.

Once you're married, you're already tied to that person most specially in the sight of God. Marriage is not like something you can simply dump if you're done with it, but it is a sacred union among to persons becoming as one in God's sight.To be honest with you, your mistress is just a fantasy but your wife is your reality. So, I advice you to let go of your fantasy and face what's reality. It's the only way how to achieve total happiness and contentment in life.

Paul I love your comment "fantasy not a reality " fantasy come and go and reality is stability that you created togather, history , backbone, no one can take mentally what you have accomplished togather, but people just might throw it away,100/20

thanks! we must learn that love is very patient... along the journey of building the relationship between couples, patience is the key to achieve harmony... we cannot fix differences in an overnight tackle but, it takes years of patient adjustments

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