Monday, November 30, 2009

NO! I haven’t forgotten about my wonderful alter ego, the Grasshopper!! I’ve just been so busy that I haven’t had time to jot any ideas down (even though they’ve been flowing non-stop!) and without a computer it’s kind of hard to keep a blog going unless I travel down here to my parents, a wonderful place to be. Sometimes.

Anyways, I am writing this with a purpose because I have to get a few things sorted out. Mainly, with my future. I’ve been filling a bit off lately. I’ve always felt that I was meant for more and know that I can and should do more with a life than what I’m currently doing. I feel insufficient, meaningless, and that I should be out there, in the world, making a difference. I don’t know where to start or how to start, but I think it is because I’m feeling slightly guilty.

When I first went to college, I hated it. I just went to the local university, and since I had no clue what to do with my life, I picked a bunch of random courses and hated every minute of them: philosophy, psychology, political science, and music. Music was my favourite (of course!!) but I sucked at all of the classes. I don’t think I ever fully understood the college lifestyle and how different it was from high school. One of my friends at my then-job, was taking a six month course through the university and after asking her about it, I did too. This was where I met Kim and some of my other friends. It was hard, not gonna lie, but the hardest part was having my dad call it “secretary school” the entire time to everyone we knew. Sure, I guess you could call it that but it’s more than that. I’m not just a secretary!! I work so hard at my job, but at the end of the day I still feel like something is missing.

I’ve tried a couple of things: bought my truck, moved out, and booked a holiday to Mexico. I think it also could have something to do with my increasingly limited church attendance because I know that my relationship with God has been under siege the past while. I also feel, though, that this fire I have for needing something to change has been coming from Him. Whoa. One bullet after another for this year, eh?

I’ve been pondering what I want to do with my life. What inspires me, what get me passionate, and what I like to do. I want a career and I want to make money doing something I love. I look around at some of the women that I work with and I don’t want to me them. They are so stressed out and tired and work so hard to get nowhere. Some of them have been there as long as I have been alive and I don’t want to be them. I love them dearly, but I don’t see myself in their shoes in twenty years. I want to be in love with my work. Then it hit me. Like a bullet out of the sky, I knew what I had to do. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, financially, emotionally, and physically even, but I know that I have to go back to school.

I remember being little and playing dress up with my sister. Bestie and I would always play school and I always insisted on being the teacher. My mom would always tell me that’s what I was going to be and now that I think about it, a lot of people told me I should be a teacher. It’s funny, how hard I resisted that wisdom. They knew. They knew me better than I did back then, and now I think they may have been right all along. I don’t know yet, if teaching is where I’ll end up but I love books. This is a recent passion of mine (I haven’t finished Pride and Prejudice yet. I’m still working on the Twilight Saga!!) but a passion, nonetheless. I want to write a book; always have. Perhaps I’ll be a book editor or write a book while keeping my current job. Maybe I’ll teach English somewhere! There are so many decisions to be made, but I feel like I’ve finally got it.

Financially, I don’t know how I’m going to do it quite yet. My job pays well, really well, but since I’ve just moved out and with my truck payment and all, things could get tense. Is this the time for me to go back to school? I know that I can’t go back full time. I wouldn’t dare give up my job now and that would mean moving back home and I don’t want to do that. If I try to get a degree part time, it’s going to take me forever.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The time has come: I need to introduce to you another friend of mine! To be quite honest, as I was thinking of writing this post, I did some reminiscing on the nicknames I have on here for all of my other friends, and I think some of them are quite lame! I mean, seriously. Bestie? She deserves so much better than that! I also realized that I haven’t given really good background stories to all my cast members here, so I think I’ll put a little something together over the next couple of days, which will probably turn into weeks. Who am I kidding? I have no time to blog and without internet at my place, it’s really hard! I have so much stuff to write about, but I just can’t! I can’t do it without my laptop! I guess I could use a pen and paper...

Anyways. New friend. Well, she’s not really a new friend, but I haven’t hung out with her in a while and she hasn’t popped up into any of my other posts, so she’s new to Blogger. So, let’s call her... Kim, a name that does not suit her at all, but whatever.

Kim and I went to college together last January and we were really close but when our course ended six months later (sweet deal, I know.) we promised to “keep in touch” and we did! We really did! For a while, anyway, we texted, Facebooked, and met for lunches and dinner dates when we could. Life got in the way of course, but when we do get together, it’s like we’ve never been apart. I love having friends like that! She knows all about the Joker and T-Rex and tells me about her guy problems too. She is, in a word, amazing.

One of the things I love about Kim is her spontaneity. If she’s sitting at home, bored, she’ll just randomly text you and start talking. She did that to me the other day, as I was unpacking of course, and we planned a dinner and movie night. So we did just that. And it was so much fun!!

I know that I can trust her and since she’s a couple years older than me, I can really relate to what she’s going through. She can tell me all about her crap and since I haven’t met any of the people she’s talking about, I can give an honest third-party opinion and hope she’ll listen. It’s the same for her, too. I can tell her all about what I’ve been thinking and feeling and she can agree that I’m right or tell me that I’m crazy and knock some sense into me.

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. Thanks for everything Kim. I love you darling.

Life is such a game we play with ourselves. We sit around hoping, praying, and dreaming about that perfect moment. We buy movies like 27 Dresses and dream about our perfect man (James Marsden, anyone?) and how our wedding day will have the same “look” from our husband-to-be as he has for that blonde chick he’s with in the movie. Maybe it’s that dream house that overlooks the ocean or the BMW that brings a whole new meaning to the song “Faster Car”. Whatever it is, we are never satisfied. Constantly, we want more than we have.

We wait around for the perfect words. You know the ones I mean. There is that string of words that convince us we’re not crazy and since life is a game, but when we finally hear them, are we truly satisfied? I think not.

For so long, I’ve waited for my friends to tell me that I’m right and that all that has gone on is what I have been seeing. Not to say that I haven’t been seeing, but I know that they see things in a different light and from a different point of view, so I trust their opinions more than I trust my own. Since I heard those words this week, I’m not satisfied. I waited and waited for them to be written, spoken, and portrayed to me in a new light but now that the opinions and beliefs are out there, I wish I hadn’t heard them. Sure, I wanted the opinion but that was not the opinion I was expecting.

I know I’m crazy but I want “someone else” to convince me of that this time. Sure, we can talk and joke about it, but at the end of the day, nothing really matters. We can have all of the opinions and analyze every movement and phrase but it just does not matter. No new text messages. No plans for this weekend. No banter. It may have finally been what I’ve always wanted to hear, but this isn’t how I always thought it would feel.

I’ve been moved out now for six days! HAPPY DANCE!!! If you haven’t heard, I’ve been having quite the little problem with my towels. My cheap WalMart ones apparently hate me because they’re shedding blue lint everywhere! Today, I thought I’d be really smart and buy some new ones, not because I can afford it, but because I’m sick and tired of having to dry off twice, you know? Well alright then. My mom and I went down to Sears and we picked up a whole new set of towels and everything and we came home and threw them all in the washer and we crossed our fingers. Let me tell you that these towels are not happy with just shedding lint all over the place. Heck no! These ones are dropping fricken hairballs left, right, and centre!! You should see the size of these things! It’s insanity! Why am I having such terrible luck with towels?! I know that after the first couple of washes, there is a lot of lint going on, but for heaven’s sake this is getting a little old...

Thursday, November 19, 2009

So I decided to be super smart today and go home for dinner. I miss them, and I’m sure they miss me. I hope they miss me a little bit anyways… Anyway, I called home to check what they were having for dinner. Wanna guess what it was? Chunky soup and buns. I’m not lying when I say life mocks me. For heaven’s sake, I have that at my place!! So I get to go home for dinner tonight for Chunky soup and buns, and the best company in town.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Last night it was very quiet. I slept in my new place and I could not relax. I had just spent the entire day painting, moving boxes, and cursing at my Ikea bed for being so lame. It’s too big, so I have to take it all apart to get it out of my room at home and then put it back together in my room at my new place. The bed in itself is a good enough reason to never move again! Every. Muscle. Hurts.

Today I spent ten minutes trying to open a can of tuna. I wish I was joking, but these are just the sad little ways that life mocks me. I get, I get it: Ikea can openers are not a good idea. I mangled the can! It took me the can opener, one butter knife, three serrated knives, and a pair of scissors to get the damn thing open. I’m telling you, life is mocking me!

I finally rolled out the red carpet today. Okay, so it’s actually brown-ish and not nearly as nice as I was hoping it would be. It’s too small for the space that I wanted to put it in, and it kind of feels like sandpaper on my feet. Hmmm. Well, I guess that means I’ll have to shell out some big bucks and get a decent looking rug that actually matches my furniture, which I don’t have yet.

My mom and I went to WalMart a couple of weeks ago to buy some necessities for my bathroom: bath sheets, wash clothes, hand towels, etc. I washed them once before I moved and this morning I actually got to use them. Happy dance anyone? Hold that sprinkler pose. Blue lint everywhere. Apparently, the cheap WalMart towels suck ass because once I was finished using them, I had to get another towel to wipe off all of the blue lint they left on me! Good grief! Then, I had to put in my contacts. Well if the blue lint is on my hands, of course it’s going to be all over my contacts, and for all of you contact-wearers out there, you understand my pain, physical and emotional. I really don’t want to put lint in my eyes again. It hurts!!

I must say, though, that there are some upsides to this whole thing. Example? Sneaking back to my parents’ house to grab a jar of pickles/tea bags/hair elastics and anything else I may need in the near future. ‘Tis great fun! It’s kind of like my own grocery store!! How cool is that?!

Okay, so the phone just rang and I had to get up off of the floor to get it but my foot was asleep and I totally didn’t make it. Wow, I’m cool like that.

And on that awkward note, I’m going to stalk random people on Facebook, visit with my family while I’m here, and go home. My home. With my stuff. But only after my foot wakes up!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

I don’t think it’s supposed to feel like this. I waited and waited so long to hear confirmation that I’m not crazy and that everything that has been going on was more than friendly gestures. When I finally did hear “you say friendly – I say dately!!” it was not what I wanted. Odd to say the least!

Finally, I was at a good place and able to understand how things were going and that regardless of the number of times pillows were thrown at me or snarky comments were being tossed around, it didn’t matter. Friends, that’s what we are.

“Sometimes when a guy is making a sign obvious enough, there’s a big freaking SIGN!!!!”

Huh. I finally get the words I’ve always wanted from my best friend, and I wish I hadn’t heard them. I know, I know. I’m crazy!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

“So Ikea??” Yep. That was how it started. Athena wanted to know all about my trip to Ikea with the Joker (although I’m not exactly sure why...) and apparently there are “SIGNS”. Yes. Signs. Signs that I am refusing to see because I am doing really well on this whole thing where I convince myself that it’s never, EVER going to happen and now she tells me the whole thing is full of tell-tale signs that prove otherwise. Oh great.

Pillow fight. “You went without me?!!” Spending time together outside of work. Banter. Talking about non-work things.

Apparently, these are all signs and I plan on ignoring them all. Why, you ask? Because it’s just not fair. It’s not fair. I liked him and it wasn’t mutual. This is a race I can’t win on endurance and no matter how long I sit around and wait, it ain’t gonna happen. So now he decides there are some “signs” he’s ready to put out? Well I don’t want your fucking signs now. I finally was able to convince myself that it wasn’t going to happen and we were going to be BFF’s (sorry, I should have warned you about the puke bucket moment!) and he can’t just waltz in here and start like that. NO! I won’t have it!

The Joker: if you want to start throwing these signs around, you better be ready. I’m not just going to let you in and fall under that smile spell of yours. It won’t happen that way, but if you are going to start that way, well I suggest you best be ready. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but you better get your game face on. After all that time I’ve spent hoping, well, maybe it’s time the tables are turned.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I have officially discovered one of the best parts of moving out: IKEA!!!! Alright, so aside from the really cheap-do it yourself-hope it doesn’t break as you put it together-pray all of the little pieces are in the box aspect, it can be a lot of fun. Sure, there are a couple of downsides, but most of the time it is really good for ideas and starter furniture.

When I first told the Joker I was moving out (he needs a new nickname btw), I was really hyper and going on and on about what I had and what I was going to need. Bestie and I had already been to Ikea in the summer and I had bought a lot of kitchen wares then. At the time, I didn’t have a set date or time when I was going to move out; I just knew that it would probably be a good idea to buy it then rather than all at one time. Good thinking, Grasshopper. Anyways, I was telling the Joker that I had already been to Ikea and picked some stuff up. His reaction? “you went without me?!!” Now I don’t know about you, but a couple of thoughts ran through my mind at that moment.A) Was I supposed to invite you?B) Why would you want to come to Ikea with me?C) Since when are we on the “you didn’t invite me?!!” level?

So I told him that I wanted to go again because I still needed a few things (ie. a couch!) and if he wanted to tag along, he was more than welcome. (I should probably add here that I was really excited when I heard he wanted to come. In fact, if my memory serves me correctly, I promised “we’ll get two carts!” Oh my.)

Today, we went! And it was a lot of fun!! The closest Ikea to my house is about an hour drive so we took Jack in. I drove. I always thought it was a man thing, you know, having to drive everywhere. Something about feeling important or being in charge, but I guess not. He asked me if I was a good driver and I said that was “debatable”. He did have a good laugh over that one!!

We did go through the entire showroom and looked around. It was quite entertaining (not in a good way and not in a bad way. It was just odd watching him shop) to watch him go through each piece of furniture, inspecting it all. All of the drawers were pulled open to check the sturdiness and each couch was sat on.

After Ikea, we went to a whole lotta furniture stores a few blocks over. The Joker was looking for a very specific sectional and we found out after searching for it ALL day that they do not make what he wants. I tried telling him not to settle, (“you’ll find what you want!”) but by the end of the day the pleather smell was messing with my brain cells and I’m pretty sure the sleezy salespeople could’ve sold me a lawn chair.

He showed me his Blackberry with a reminder from his Calendar that he was going to Ikea with me. At one point, I realized he was focusing the camera on me and I tried to swat it away. It almost landed on the floor (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, the trouble I would’ve been in then!!) and he didn’t get a picture. He claimed that he needed to have a picture of all of his contacts so he knew who was calling him but I said that I don’t call him, so ha!

Over lunch, the Joker asked about the “boyfriend”. I knew he meant T-Rex (even though I never, ever called him that) and I tried to dodge the conversation the best I could. It didn’t work so I gave him the shortened version: I hadn’t seen him since his football game in September. I told the Joker that I had messaged T-Rex a while ago but he didn’t reply to which the Joker tried to defend T-Rex. I probably should have mentioned something about T-Rex’s Facebook status a while back where he claimed to be in love ("I just wish you knew how much I cared" or something like that) but I didn’t. It wasn’t important because it wasn’t about me. There are a lot of things the Joker doesn’t know about what happened (or didn’t) between T-Rex and I, but I don’t want to tell him! I tried to blame the distance (did I mention I’d only seen him twice?!!) and unfortunately he brought up phone sex. I quickly changed the topic.

Later on, he brought it up again! Honestly, the man just won’t quit! I said something about M&M which was quite funny because the Joker’s like “who’s that?” I changed the subject again, but I was a little surprised he didn’t dig further into that one (though relieved at the same time!)

I don’t think I’m asking for much, although I technically didn’t ask for this. I guess I did in a way, but when he said “you didn’t invite me?!!” what else was I gonna do? It was fun!! We got to hang out, talk, and just be normal without the work environment. No one is listening in on your conversation and you don’t feel guilty (not that we ever do...) because you’re on company time.

Now, I have so much more stuff to pack. Damn you Ikea!! Frick! More dishes to wash! More furniture to put together! So little time! So much fun!

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I’m so (searching for the right word...) blessed (???) no one told me this whole moving out thing would be easy. Because it’s not. It’s very hard. Besides the whole packing-up-everything-you’ve-accumualted-including-TWO-rolling-pins thing, it’s a lot of hard work. All of my new dishes have to be washed and anything that my grandparents have handed down to me has to be cleaned even more thoroughly to eliminate the spiders that were alive in there at one point. *Shiver*

I am a very organized person. I need dates to make a timeline and everything has its place in my room. Organized chaos, perhaps, but nonetheless, I know where everything is. So, when I thought about moving out, I thought it would be quite simple: everything that you want to go in the bathroom put together in the “Bathroom” box and call it a day. Kitchen utensils? Box ‘em up and move on. Little did I know, I also had to have “Useless Crap That Has Sentimental Value” and “One Day You’ll Thank Me For Telling You To Keep It” boxes. Oh yes. Remember that scrapbook you made in Kindergarten? I can’t throw it out. Useless as it is, I have to keep it. Now before you go calling me a packrat, I just don’t want to part with it yet. Same goes for my Mickey Mouse stuffed animal. I have no idea where I’m going to put it when I get to my basement suite, but I have to bring it with me.

Well, I guess I will have to work on my obsessive compulsiveness for a week or so. My mom reminded me again today of how soon my move out date is approaching (just in case I forgot). Yeah, under one week. My bed is covered with dishes! Boxes are all over the living room! I’m only twenty! How the heck did I accumulate so much stuff? Did I mention the two rolling pins?

One thing I love? Lazy Saturday mornings. I don’t get them too often, because I’m usually busy doing chores, running off to extended family breakfasts, calming my friends down after “Please tell me I didn’t do that” nights, or sitting in a waiting room while Jack gets a wheel alignment. This morning, however, I was very excited. Yes, I have a million and one things to do since I’m moving out next weekend (or possibly this week?! That’s another post!) but I really wanted to take some time to relax.

Now, what does The Grasshopper do on a lazy Saturday morning? Well, sleep until nine first of all! I am usually up at 6:20 to get ready for work at nine and anytime I get to sleep past then, is a bonus. Next, it is time to check Facebook. This is my favourite part of my morning, and probably the most useless. Not much has happened since I checked at 11 when I went to bed (since we were all sleeping?) but still! Stalk a few of my favourite friends and then it’s shower power. Hot water, the smell of Dove soap, and some Herbal Essences – that’s my kind of morning!

On weekday mornings, I usually just have a little breakfast and a glass of juice; nothing too exciting to speak of. On my Lazy Saturday Mornings, though, I want some Eggos! (Can you hear the fans cheering?!!) Blueberry Eggos, Aunt Jemima Lite syrup, icing sugar, and a big glass of milk is the best way to start my morning.

Or so you would think.

So here I go, about to take my first bite. *Drip* Oh yeah, a nice big spot of syrup onto my clean white tank top.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

One of the ladies I work with, Ms. R, recently bought a house and I’ve been over there a couple of times (housewarming party and drinks). She has always been really nice to me since I started working there over a year ago now, and she’s best friends with Athena. Well, she asked me on Friday if I knew anyone who would be interested in renting her basement suite. I asked her a couple of questions about it (ie. one bedroom, shared laundry, no internet, utilities included, etc.) and I told her I was interested. Instantaneously, she told Athena and was super excited about the prospect. According to Athena, she couldn’t think of anybody better to have renting it.

On Friday night, my mom and I went to look at it and I took my dad over on Saturday. Now, it’s official! I’m moving out! I’m moving out! Can I get a “WOOT WOOT”?!?!!!! FINALLY! So here are the deets:

One bedroomOne bathroom (w/ bathtub – always a bonus!!)Shared laundry (I get to pick two days)No damage deposit (b/c she knows me – how sweet is that!)Parking spot ON the drivewayUtilities includedFour minutes door-to-door with my parentsExact location I wantI know her!! It’s not like it’s some creepy guy upstairs

So mark your calendars: November 15th I take possession. If she gets the keys sooner, I can move in sooner because it’s empty now. Luckily, I’ve been stock piling random stuff for the past couple of years so I don’t have to go to Ikea and buy all new furniture, dishes, etc. That doesn’t mean I won’t, but I don’t HAVE to. I have my microwave, blender, coffee maker, toaster, coffee table, bed, shower curtain, dishes, water pitcher, and cutlery. One of the ladies at work is selling me her couch and TV and another is going to show me her dining table.

I have wanted to move out for so long now and everything is really falling into place with this! This will be a good thing; I can feel it!!

About Me

As a twenty-something city girl trying to find her place in the world, each day allows a chance for self-discovery. No, I haven't a clue who I am or what I want in life. I do know that I love this road.

Currently

excited Friday!
worried life plans in general
readingBreaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyer
loving hour and a half workouts at 6am
hating McDondals
wondering what next?
hoping it will work out
craving passion.
wishing it would be FRIDAY
watching Glee
listening I Promise You - Johnny Reid

Followers

Food For Thought

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable - C.S. Lewis

Copyright

All blog posts, unless otherwise specified, is original content written and created by me. I do not take credit for any images displayed on the page and I will give credit where credit is due. If you have any questions, or would like to take some content, please contact me first.