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Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Trust Factor

I know I had a prior blog in November that talked about Family, Friends, and Flares and how it is okay to get mad when you are sick so you don't burden the people around you. It's a good feeling to have sometimes, but we as human beings also need to find a balance between doing things for ourselves, and asking for help when we need it.

Help can come when you least expect it and sometimes that help can be overwhelming, even stressful. I'm sure a lot of you remember my post called Please Be Kind... Rewind. It's a post about how my man does the laundry and how that kind of help can be stressful on me and my clothes LOL! During flares, we need help. It may not be the exact kind of help that we are looking for, but it is help none the less.

As you all know, my Grandma fractured her back and I've been going over to help her and my Grandfather out. Grandpa can be a little stubborn when it comes to receiving help due to his Alzheimer's. He does not like anyone who is unfamiliar in his house. He has always had a hard time trusting people, so this is really nothing new. He gets worried about strangers wanting to steal from him, or worse, harm his wife and him. He's very overprotective. He also worries about how much a service might cost because he knows his money will only go so far.

My Grandmother also tends to worry. Her worry stems from him and his reactions. She worries about how he might treat me, my Dad, or the plumber if Grandpa does not remember us. She worries that he won't eat enough to curb his forgetful bouts. She worries about him roaming around at 4 AM because he wants to shave.

A lot of unexpected worry can happen when you are ill. There are things you just don't think about. I remember having a conversation with my Grandmother about the garbage. It goes out on a certain day and the pail needs to face in a certain direction or they won't pick it up. One week my Grandfather became so distraught that he forgot who I was and my Dad. My Grandmother told us to forget about the trash for that week because of this. We did, but I became worried because I know that home invasions can happen and the garbage pails are a clue to these sick people that something might be wrong in a house. If you deter from any part of your routine, it's a sign that someone may be ill or not home, easy pickings for a home invasion.

I don't want this to happen, of course, and I spoke with my Grandmother about it. I actually became adamant with her about it. I didn't want to be, but I do fear for her safety. She understood my concern and we are now making sure that the garbage is out when it is supposed to be-- regardless as to whether or not Grandpa is himself.

Another thing that you don't think about often is being snowed in. The storm that made the news today, storm Albert, hit Connecticut pretty hard. I had a pretty hard time digging myself and the car out to get to my Grandmother's. As I had stated in another blog on the net entitled The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling, Oh That's Just My Ceiling my apartment complex is not the greatest. The attitude of the landlord is ridiculous. He seems to think that the rent money should lace his pockets instead of using it to upkeep the complex. What does that spell for us? Well, management will only remove snow and ice on their time, a Sunday is not considered their time, so if you need to get to your car (or God forbid, have an emergency vehicle coming) you have to clear your own paths. Sad? You bet! But oh so true for every apartment dweller I know around these parts.

In fact, most people that rent have less rights than people do in jail. Harsh? Nope not really. You see, a jail is considered a public dwelling so if there are any leaks in the building they must be fixed immediately. Fixing a leak not only helps with taking care of your water feature problem, it also helps by preventing black mold. A jail cannot have that either because black mold is extremely unhealthy to be around.

An apartment is different. An apartment is considered a private dwelling and if there is a leak, the tenant needs to go through the proper channels in order to get the leak taken care of. Most landlords will only correct the leak, they don't bother fixing any of the damage caused by the leak-- and that's if you are one of the lucky ones. Some landlords will only fix a leaky roof once it falls down.

VERY SAD, but VERY true, happened to a friend of mine. What's even worse is that rent costs just as much, if not more than a mortgage today. Not sure why some people seem to look the other way when it comes to this unfair treatment of people who do not own a home, but they do. Perhaps the laws will change one day.

Anyway, getting back to my story about Grandma, I was obviously going to be there late. Dinner would have been late too if the neighbor did not take it upon herself to come over yesterday and reassure my Grandmother, Grandfather, and myself that she would come over with a lasagna around 11 am, the time my Grandfather likes to eat. I can't tell you how relieved this made me feel because I knew how hard it would be for me to get two young ones and myself there in time to cook something.

Grandma was a little skeptical at first because she didn't know how Grandpa would take the change, but the neighbor and I reassured her that everything would be fine and it was. Grandpa let her in and the lasagna was enjoyed by all.

This kind gesture has taught me that sometimes you have to trust in others for things to run smoothly, even though it may be difficult. Little things can always go wrong, we live in an imperfect world, but the kindness behind the effort of any gesture should always be celebrated. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and experience a little kind gesture yourself.

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I, author Amanda Kimberley of FibroandFabulous.com (tm) has never been in the past, or is now, in association with, related to, OR affiliated with any entity known as Fabulous With Fibro. I am not selling any services as a holistic coach, nor did I write any books related to that brand. I am also not associated, affiliated, or related to a patient community group called Fabulous With Fibro that also has a clothing line. I will not ask you for donations of any kind, and I have never done so in over a decade of writing this blog. PLEASE be careful when you are looking for my blogsite in the future. Thank you!

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