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Steve Beauregard Column July 10, 2010

Every year there seems to be some new, trendy catch phrase that spreads across the nation like a bad intestinal virus. One year the catch phrase was “You go girl!” Another time it was “Don’t go there!” One year it was “Take that bra off the koala bear!” (At least that was my catch phrase.)

The new buzz word this year concerns a concept where you stay at home during your vacation. It’s called a “Staycation,” which is not to be confused with “Spaycation,” where you spend your two weeks off sterilizing kittens.

A “Staycation” is when you take some time off from work hanging around the house, completing chores and participating in fun, inexpensive activities. Or as some people call it, “Saturday.”

It’s billed as a recession-era alternative to the traditional, longer, more luxurious vacation, but basically it means you’re broke and have to choose between enjoying a seven-day trip to Jamaica or consuming food during the month of July.

And really, there’s no shame in that. Been there. Am there. Lots of folks are. So I’m sure your kids will be perfectly understanding when you tell them you’re substituting the annual jaunt to Disney World for a cheaper, less-expensive vacation closer to home at, say, for example, De Beque. (Come Visit Our World Famous Road-Kill Museum and Cafeteria!)

It’s all about priorities. For example: My wife and I respect all the responsibilities and expenses that go along with having a 4-month-old baby at home. Thus, unlike past years, we’ve had to choose between flying to somewhere fun or spending that money on formula and diapers instead. Obviously, the decision was pretty much already made for us, and our flight leaves in two weeks. But some of you will have tougher choices.

You can, for example, make your staycation productive. A certain segment of people are skipping travel entirely and using their time off to complete those important to-do lists around the house. These are people the travel industry refers to as “Boring People.”

Personally, I think the idea of a “Staycation” sounds fairly reasonable, until you try pulling it off with your wife.

You: “Honey, instead of going to Las Vegas this year, I thought we’d take a staycation.”

Wife: “A stay what?”

You: “Staycation. It means we have fun at home.”

Wife: “Um. OK. What are we going to do?”

You: “Well, you’ll paint the spare bedroom while I go in the backyard and clean up dog poop.”

Wife: “THAT’S supposed to be my vacation?”

You: “You said it wrong. It’s STAYcation.”

Wife: “I don’t give a &5#@ what you call it. I get one week off all year, and I want to have some fun.”

You: “Don’t worry. Later we’ll go buy mulch.”

Unlike a real vacation, a staycation means you can’t experience the best part of a trip, which is coming back home, inviting friends over to view travel photos, and boring them to the point where they begin snooping around your bathroom, looking for pharmaceuticals.

Nobody shares photos of their staycation:

You: (flipping through pictures): “And here’s one of Marge washing windows. Now here she is standing in front of the ironing board. This one shows her searching the Internet for a new husband.”

In addition to that, a staycation means you and your spouse won’t have all those special fond vacation memories to look back upon years later:

Husband: “Remember that trip back in 2009, when we stumbled upon that charming little restaurant? What was the name of that place again?”

Wife: “The Clifton Burger King.”

So I hope you’ll be able to afford to go away to someplace really fun this summer. If not, keep in mind there are still many wonderful “staycation” opportunities for you right here in western Colorado.

The De Beque Road-Kill Museum and Cafeteria is wonderful this time of year.

E-mail Steve Beauregard at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).