The First Time I Turned Thirty

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Wait...we elected Democrats, right?

Remember when we were told that indicting important people for these crimes would make Republicans stonewall health care reform? Well, now that Democrats themselves have fucked up said reform, I think it's high time we penned arrest warrants for Yoo and Bybee and Cheney and all those other folks who happily and shamelessly created a culture of torture within the executive branch of government.

I'm only half-kidding. The recent Democratic retreat on health care, in my opinion, will cripple the party's ability to pursue any sort of meaningful legislative agenda for 2010. So if we're to lose, we may as well lose big. Drag those torture-happy Republicans into a court of law and let the testimony begin! Let's lose not 25 House seats in November but 80, and really get our money's worth out of the loss.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Like a real comedian!

Performed both Friday and Saturday night in Marlton, and I totally earned enough to pay for my Friday visit to the doctor and the Saturday pad see-ew I ate before the show. That's living, my friends.

Friday night was plain awful. The audience was as not into me as possible and drunk in the bargain, so my ten minutes on stage seemed like three months. (To the audience as well, I am sure.) Saturday night, however, was a home run. I ditched my set list minutes before going on stage and decided to wing it with some brand-new stuff, written only that morning. (Thalia, as is her wont, awoke me at 7am with inspiration.) The new stuff worked, the old stuff worked, and my audience interaction was smashing. I nearly floated off that stage, and on the way out a number of audience members thanked me for a great show. I know I'm supposed to act all professional and coolly thank them, but instead I squeed like an eight-year-old. I roll that way.

Thalia, I totally forgive you for getting me up so early this morning. Keep up the good work, toots.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

It's still Saturday, dammit!

I performed in NE Philadelphia tonight. I guess it was technically yesterday, but in my mind the day has not turned until I sleep and wake up when it's light. So there. Anyway, I was sick as a dog today, so I medicated myself heavily so's I could climb on stage and perform adequately. The audience was attentive but not very into any of the comedians, but I did all right.

Can I tell you that certain word uses bother me? I already bitched about the overuse/misuse of the word "creepy", so now I'd like to extend the complaint to "stalking." Anyone who expresses any interest - romantic, familial, platonic - in another human being must now worry if s/he is a stalker. Let's review a few stalker examples:

A) Not stalking:Asking to friend me on FacebookSending me an email without invitationAsking me where in Philadelphia I live

B) StalkingAsking for my Facebook passwordSending me a severed ear, with or without invitationAsking me for my home address and Social Security number

If you behavior resembles Category A, you're good. If it resembles B, seek help. But let's not diminish the reputations of stalkers everywhere by thinking that contacting me on a social networking sight is stalking.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Cue the curtains

If you aren't reading Bruce Schneier, you should be. He is a security expert and a noted critic of the TSA and its various "security theater" measures. This is in my view one of the best things he's ever said:

Only one carry on? No electronics for the first hour of flight? I wish that, just once, some terrorist would try something that you can only foil by upgrading the passengers to first class and giving them free drinks.