One Year

If you were in Mommy and Daddy’s room at night, that’s what you’d hear more than once. Every night we gaze at the screen, awed by your tiny hands, a pacifier in one and your lovey in the other, your back rising and falling slowly in a deep slumber. We watch as you stretch your pudgy legs, the soft mattress contouring your body. We smile as you drift further into the kind of sleep we wish we could have.

“I swear. I just love that kid.”

These words are said with love, awe and disbelief.

We love you more than we can possibly say. I make a living crafting messages, yet can’t find a phrase to accurately describe how I feel about you. I don’t think those words exist, but I’ll try: This love is deep, constant. I’m grateful that you chose me; overjoyed that I get to be your Mama.

The love I have for you is unexpected. It’s not that I didn’t expect to love you — of course I’d love you. I anticipated the love to be like a tsunami, a tidal wave of maternal instinct and affection washing over me the second I laid my eyes on you. Instead, it was steady and strong. It came in like a babbling brook: pure and untarnished. It filled my heart slowly and continuously until it ran over. It’s still running over.

It will always run over.

Your Daddy and I are in awe of you, of the little person you’re becoming. Every squeal, smile, step and sound you make amazes us. Every day you’re learning more. The memories of sleepless nights, two-hour feedings, swaddle blankets and bassinets are fading as fast as the food on your high-chair tray disappears — which is very quickly these days.

At a year old, you’re crawling everywhere, climbing over us when we play in the floor with you. You love to take things out of boxes and put them back in. You love the dog. God, do you love that dog. You like to hand her toys and watch as she shakes them in your mouth. There isn’t much that makes you smile bigger, other than Daddy hanging out upside down or when I walk in the door after work.

You babble all the time. You can say dada, mama, baba and other random sounds. You spout off sentences of gibberish with such drama, affect and enthusiasm, I swear you were actually telling a story. Sometimes I sit and listen to you and realize I’m not saying anything back because I’m too awed by how perfect you are. So just remember, I’m listening even if I don’t respond.

I’ll always be listening.

It’s with disbelief that I say “Happy First Birthday, Baby”. How did this year go by so quickly? Where is that tiny baby I brought home from the hospital that sweltering day last November? Those days are over and sometimes it terrifies me that we’ll never get that time back. You’ll never be a newborn baby again. That fear is always replaced with excitement over what comes next: walking, playing, talking; snuggles and weekend mornings watching cartoons; school and sports. We have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to.

We made the most amazing, perfect, beautiful, good natured baby I’ve ever known. Thank you, God, for this blessing.

This made me a little weep b/c Donut is going to be a year old in a few weeks and I too wonder where the time went. I saw a newborn baby today and I thought, maybe, just maybe…but stopped myself. I’m not ready! (I think)Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Striving for Good Enough

Loved this. And just so you know, it feels the same way with each kid. Mine will be one in less than a month, and it’s just as crazy to me as it was when my now 10 year old turned one (and ten, really). Thank you for sharing this feeling!Katie E recently posted..11 Months Old

I’m sure it just stays surreal. I still can’t believe it. I keep thinking about what we were doing last year and I still remember that feeling. I was up all night and then just really excited all afternoon, and around probably 4 pm we all fell asleep and woke up about 2 hours later. It was the best nap of my LIFE.

He is so lucky to have a mama who can put her feelings down on paper like that and write to him. I am sure this is a letter he will always have nearby him – even when he’s a grandpa. He’ll take it out, and read it, over and over again – a sweet reminder of his mama.

PS: The first year goes by quickly but honest to God, each year afterwards goes by twice as fast!!Ado recently posted..Why We Killed Our Television

Oh, I hope he does! The best part about having a blog is being able to keep these memories. I hope he does appreciate it someday!! And I can only imagine how fast it’s going to go! Scary and wonderful.

John and I say this all of the time about one of the boys or the other-sometimes both. “God, I love that baby!”

The beauty of it is that even when they stop being a baby to anyone but you, you will still stop and catch yourself saying, “I love that baby.”

Evan is 10 and I still do. Zach is 18 months and I do. I always will, and so will you. That is motherhood, and nobody can tell you that until you’ve lived it.

Happy Belated Birthday, Baby Blogworthy!

PS–this post means you have successfully breastfed for a year. Congrats. Had it been easy all along, that accomplishment would mean less. But it wasn’t, so that earns you the Golden Boob trophy!Andrea recently posted..If It Weren’t For Nuns, My Child Would Starve

My “baby” is now 10. I find it hard to remember those sweet baby memories — especially when she is rolling her eyes at me and stomping out of the room. But I remember those overwhelming feelings of love. Happy first year! The adventures will continue!Lori@The Lyons Din recently posted..Book One

Tears. Such beautiful writing. BB is so lucky to have a wonderful mom like you, too. Congrats on surviving the first year! It can only go up from here, right? Well, until 11 or 12 maybe Mrs. Weber recently posted..I’m Seeing Stars

This is so beautiful! The love we feel for our babies is indescribable. I remember having these waves of love come over me when my daughter was born. I would suddenly feel overcome with love for her and have to scoop her up and hold her tight. She’s 11 now. My son is nearly 6. But the waves keep coming.Just Jennifer recently posted..What did you just say??

This is beautiful! A birthday is just as much a day to celebrate the mother as it is the child, and you are an amazing mother! This letter just pours out love for your child… If every child had a mother to love them like you do your baby… O the world would be a wonderful place! <3 <3Kate @ Kate As Of Late recently posted..A Very Pinterest Christmas : Advent Calendars

[...] sixty five days.The number of days I exclusively breastfed my son.(And counting.)Last Tuesday, I wrote about my baby’s first birthday. We’ve made it to a year. I always had enough, just barely sometimes. He had nothing but mama [...]

I love your idea of writing a letter to your son. I keep a journal for my children and am going to do this for their next birthday. Watching them grow is bittersweet. Its amazing watching them learn and grow (and sad at the same time) yet it kills me knowing I’m aging with them too!Tara @ secretsofamomaholic.com recently posted..The Artist Formerly Known as 24 Hour Tara