Government announces new Boris Johnson to be built in Thames estuary

Despite protests from residents who claim it will ruin their quality of life, the Government has confirmed that it intends to build a new Boris Johnson in the Thames estuary.

‘The existing Boris Johnson was designed half a century ago for the needs a different era and is completely unsuited to the modern world,’ said Downing Street sources. ‘The location of Boris Johnson is also a major issue. If we had known then what we know now, we would never have put him there. We also have to consider the danger of damage to homes in London.’

With many Londoners threatening to leave the capital if the plans go ahead, a third runway will be built at Heathrow to aid their escape.