Take my advice…I don’t use it anyway. Part 42

BEWARE OF TOOTHPICKS – They get the irrit bits of animal flesh out of the gaps between your molars, but they fuck up your gums.

JUST BECAUSE IT’S OLD, DOESN’T MEAN IT’S ‘VINTAGE’ – Or cool for that matter.

PLEASE DON’T BITCH AND MOAN ABOUT HIS MAN JUICE – It’s SEX which means it gets MESSY and it’s all part of the fun. Just take it on your chest like a real woman and shower afterwards. And no matter if he misses, those 4million count Egyptian cotton sheets go alright in the wash.

NOT ALL SOUTH AFRICANS ARE RACIST – Just like not all Australians have bad accents, not all Americans are ignorant, not all of the English have bad teeth, not all Germans visit brothels when travelling, not all Chinese people eat dogs and cats and only a few Canadians talk funny.

OLIVES AND CUCUMBER ARE THE DEVILS FOOD – And they may kill you. Plus I can’t be your friend if you indulge in such filth.

STRETCH SATIN IS NOT YOUR FRIEND – It never was.

BLONDE’S! PLEASE WEAR LEOPARD PRINT WITH CARE – You don’t wanna look like a bar maid at the Queen Vic.

JUST BECAUSE YOU MADE YOUR PHOTO BLACK AND WHITE … – Does mean you are arty. Same goes for turning them into polaroids.

DO NOT POSE IN NUDE SHOTS FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND OF 3 MONTHS – It will all end in tears.

DON’T JUST LAY THERE – Push your boobies together and scream like you mean it.

WHEN HE SAY’S THAT HE HAS ‘JUST BEEN BUSY’ – It means you aren’t on his mind and you should totes forget about him and delete his number. No exceptions.