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SPOOKY EXPRESS AND THE START OF SUMMER CREEPING

Tuesday's List of 13: Nobody asked me, but..........

13) So I've been sitting here in a stupor for the last half-hour; the A's went through a stretch recently where they scored a total of 14 runs in ten games; they just scored eight runs in the second inning against the Rangers. Weird that the Tigers cut Brandon Inge, but he's really helped Oakland. All he has to do now is stay healthy for an extended period.

12) I'll keep saying this until someone listens; if the NBA wants fewer guys to flop on defense, then call fewer charging fouls. Coaches won't stand for their guys lying on the floor if they're not getting offensive fouls called.

11) Wonder what TNT's Craig Sager thinks of Gregg Popovich; guy makes John Tortorella look like Dick Vitale. Popovich said a total of four words in his interview after the third quarter Monday night. Maybe his team would play better if he loosened up a little bit.

10) MLB Network has a terrific idea televising the amateur draft this week, but problem is, we don’t know any of the players. In football/basketball, we know most of the high draft picks, having watched them play at least a little bit in college. In baseball, they’re just names until they get some time in down in the minors.

One way to spruce up the draft would allow picks to be traded; all of us understand that end of it. Some teams would go nuts trading their picks (could you imagine if George Allen had had 40+ picks a year to trade when he coached in the NFL??), some would accumulate picks.

9) Baseball has moved the signing deadline up a month from previous years, to July 13. Only players who can sign after July 13 are college seniors who don't have any more college eligibility left. This will allow all the draft picks to play some ball in short season rookie leagues this summer.

8) We said yesterday that the A’s are the first team since the 1954 Pirates to get shut out 11+ times in their first 54 games. Looking back at those ’54 Bucs, we see they went 53-101, not very good. One of their best players in '54 was an outfielder named Frank Thomas, who eight years later, played for the infamous 42-120 expansion Mets' team. That must've been fun.

Weird thing is that only six years after that 53-101 debacle, the Pirates won the World Series. Maybe there's hope for the A's after all.

7) Game 4 of Miami-Boston series was first NBA playoff game in 20 years where the leading scorer on both sides fouled out of the game.

6) NBA refs don’t get a lot of respect and in too many cases, rightfully so; sometimes, it just seems like they blow the whistle and guess. Another reason why legalizing any type of zone defense would make the game better. There would be less physical contact, less marginal calls to make.

5) Best wishes to former Met/Oriole GM Jim Duquette, who donated a kidney to his 10-year old daughter Monday.

4) If you hear the term “aggravated DUI”, that means the driver blew more than .15% on his/her breathalyzer test. Not good. Big trouble.

3) There is an actual beer called "Arrogant Bastard Ale". Seriously.

2) You want to feel good for an excellent Thunder team, but then you realize this is the franchise the NBA stole from the city of Seattle, which had been great supporters of the SuperSonics for 35 years. Doesn't seem right.

1) Guy named Phil Anschutz owns the LA Kings; supposedly he is worth $7 billion. He's a couple days away from winning the Stanley Cup. What do you do for fun when you're worth $7B? Answer: Anything you want.

Now that I am back home for a couple of weeks and the Memorial Day holiday is over, I am hosting an open forum today on one of America’s favorite national pastimes…Being A Pervert.

Memorial Day is officially (I guess) the start of summer. One thing before we get started and this goes to the zero ladies that read this site: If you have any doubt at all if you can pull off a bikini in public then you CAN NOT pull off a bikini in public. This is a huge issue in the South. Nobody needs to see your inadvertent impression of Paul Pierce minus the stab wounds. I know for a fact that I can not work the Borat man-kini (great visual though) so I don't wear one. It's pretty simple logic, heifers.

Anyway, with the start of the summer months comes skimpier clothing options which leads to more excellent and vivid spank bank material. The point of today’s quick post is for all of us creeps to share what we like and dislike regarding the summer fashion trends of women that want nothing to do with any of us.

YES! - Short white shorts! I’m a huge fan of anything that focuses my attention on the turd cutter. In my personal opinion, short white shorts are ELITE! Is she free-balling? Thong-diggity? What’s going on down there? And then I become self-aware that I’m two inches away from this chick’s ass and have been for 45 minutes. Good times.

YES! - Love white and pink tops. As one of America's finest "breast men", nothing gets me thinking of putting on the air conditioner full blown to see how everything is working underneath.

NO! – Big Sunglasses! I hate big sunglasses and I feel like Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton brought this plague to America’s youth. They take up half of a broad’s face and sometimes more! It’s next to impossible to tell if the girl that you are eye-banging is even relatively attractive. They might as well be wearing a mask. Big sunglasses, you go to Hell. You go to Hell and you die!

Time for the rest of you sketchy pricks to share some turn-ons and turn-offs. Don’t worry; we’re not here to judge. Let’s teach women a lesson today on how to give us throbbing boners. It’s what Summer is all about.

Back home List of 13: Wrapping up a sports weekend while I was traveling..........

13) Home teams are now 8-0 in this round of NBA playoffs until last nights OKC game; Miami closed as a 2-point favorite Sunday night, so betting favorites' 20-game straight-up winning streak came to an end.

Rajan Rondo has 77 points, 35 assists in his last three games.

12) Comedian Bill Maher likes to bust peoples' balls on his TV show, but as a new minority investor in the Mets, he has given significant money to owners of the Mets, the hideously creepy Wilpons. This is where your right to be a ball buster ends, when you act stupidly yourself.

11) New Jersey Devils are in Los Angeles for Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals, the first time they've left the eastern time zone since January 14; its the first time they've been on an airplane since May 8 and it showed in another loss to the almighty Kings.

10) Rickie Fowler was paired with Eldrick Woods Sunday, and responded by shooting 84. Not good to wear bright orange and hack around like that.

9) Daniel Bard became the first pitcher in the last 90 years to walk 6+ guys and hit two more in less than two innings on the mound.. Hard to imagine Bard staying in the rotation; he might not even stay in the big leagues.

8) Then there are my Oakland A's, the first major league team since 1954 to get shut out 11+ times in their first 54 games. Maybe they should make a movie about that. Moneyball II, only this time, don't bash Art Howe.

7) Rangers have allowed 26 unearned runs in their last 30 games, part of why they're struggling. A visit to Oakland this week should help them.

6) Angels traded for reliever Ernesto Frieri on May 3; since then, batters are 1-41 against Frieri, with 10 walks and 25 strikeouts. 1 for freakin' 41. By the way, the Halos are now only 4.5 games behind Texas in AL West.

5) In case you were wondering, the odds of flopping four of a kind after being dealt a pocket pair: 407-1. Now you know.

4) Bruins' goalie Tim Thomas is sitting out next season, forfeiting his $5M salary, to deal with "friends, family and faith". $5M still counts against the Bruins' salary cap for next season.

3) Florida State's first two football games this fall are against Murray State and Savannah State; seriously? If this was basketball it would be OK, with Murray State being good, but for a football power, this is a joke. Would it be that horrible to schedule some cruddy Sun Belt team or a MAC squad?

2) Pitcher Carlos Zambrano is a .237 career hitter who hit his 24th homer on Sunday. Only 10 walks with 237 strikeouts, though.

1) David Wright isn't going to negotiate with the Mets during the season, but the word is he's going to ask for eight years, $150M; wonder how much Bill Maher is going to kick in towards that?

10) The Mets are 31-23, a half game out of first place; if the season ended this weekend, the Mets would play Miami in the Wild Card game. They need to start thinking like contenders.

9) Friday night, the Mets let their ace, Johan Santana pitch the 9th inning of an 8-0 game because the franchise had never had a no-hitter. He wound up throwing 134 pitches and getting the no-hitter. There was much rejoicing amongst Met fans, those same people who will be bitching like hell should Santana come up lame or have a lousy second half. He is 33 and coming off a serious arm operation. 134 pitches is a serious night's work.

8) Now maybe Santana will stay healthy and keep doing real well and the fans will be delirious because they finally saw a no-hitter pitched by one of their guys, but at the end of the day, management's job is to give the team the best chance to win over the long haul.

7) Heard Saturday night that in his great career, Torii Hunter has robbed 36 hitters of home runs by catching balls hit over the fence. Thats a lot.

6) Political Stat of Day: No American President has been re-elected when the unemployment rate is over 8%'; right now, it is 8.2%. Someone down in Washington better start finding some people some jobs, or else........

5) Watched the extra inning Mariner-White Sox game Saturday; its hard to put into words how horrible an announcer Hawk Harrelson is, just terrible, a complete homer. Now Hawk was one of my favorite ballplayers when I was a little kid; he came up with the A's in the mid-60's, so I have nothing against him, quite the opposite, but he is really hard to listen to now.

4) Milwaukee's Nyjer Morgan had gone 138 ABs without an RBI so far in 2012, and was batting 2nd for the Brewers; he finally homered Friday night, but not sure how a guy that unproductive bats at the top of the order.

3) UCLA christens the refurbished Pauley Pavilion against Indiana State in November; not only is ISU Larry Bird's alma mater, its the school where John Wooden coached for two years before he came to Westwood.

2) LA Kings beat the Devils again in OT on Sunday, making them 15-2 in playoffs and 10-0 on the road, an amazing feat. Kings have now played eight games in the Stanley Cup Finals in franchise history; six of them went to OT.

1) Last time the first two games of the Stanley Cup Finals both went to OT was 1951, when Montreal-Toronto faced off for Lord Stanley's Cup.

12) So far this season, 39 pitchers (20 in NL, 19 in AL) have pitched 9+ innings in a game; those pitchers are a combined 36-1, 0.41 in those 39 games, with Jake Peavy the only pitcher to lose (1-0). Cliff Lee (10 IP) and Matt Cain hooked up in a scoreless duel out west, with neither pitcher getting a decision. Everyone else won their start. But what happened to those 39 pitchers after going nine?

11) In their next start after going nine (five of the 39 have yet to make that next start), those same pitchers are 12-10, 3.23; in their second start after going nine, they drop to 7-13, 5.75 and in the third start out, 7-10, 5.14. So the question needs to be asked, is it wise, in this day and age of coddling pitchers, to let a guy go nine innings?

10) Cain, Peavy and Johan Santana are the only pitchers to go nine in consecutive starts this season; Cain/Peavy combined to go 0-1, 3.86 in that third start, while Santana’s third start, with two days’ extra rest after his no-hitter, will be Friday in the Bronx.

9) If you take the three starts after a pitcher goes nine, you see that the over is 46-30-6 in those games. Do what you want with that information.

8) Five colleges had guys taken in the first round of both of NFL/MLB drafts this year: LSU-Stanford-Texas A&M-Oklahoma State-Mississippi State.

7) Typical Clippers; they have their best season in 20 years, but then let their GM walk to Portland, bringing their franchise’s momentum to a screeching halt. Its just no way to run a business.

6) Spurs are on a 3-game losing skid but still have life; last NBA champ that had a 3-game skid during the playoffs: the ’04 Pistons, who lost Games 3-5 in the second round, against the Nets.

5) John Mellencamp’s son will walk-on as a football player at Duke this fall; thought he might go to Indiana, where one of the buildings near their basketball arena is named after the famous singer.

4) Attendance at baseball games in the Bronx is down 1,542 fans a game (3.6%) this year, after being down 3% last year; the arrogant bastards who run the franchise are blaming StubHub. I’m blaming the fact that the damn tickets are just too freakin’ expensive!!!! Oh yeah, and the $9 beers don’t help, either.

3) Lakers picked up option on Andrew Bynum for next year, a $16.1M option; for that much cash, he should have to at least pretend to pay attention in every huddle—if you make $16M, you’re supposed to be a team leader. How about acting like one?

2) Mets-Nationals game Tuesday night wasn't terribly well-played, but it was a fascinating game, filled with strategy and twists/turns, with Valdespin hitting a homer/double, then making two crucial errors, and he didn't even get into the game until the sixth inning.

Baseball without the DH is a hell of a lot more interesting; makes managers think more and do more, and thats part of what makes baseball great. This game was a perfect example of that.

1) Then there are the Miami Heat, on the brink of another playoff failure; James/Wade combined to shoot 21-47, the rest of the team 11-35. Bosh got back from his injury and had six offensive rebounds in 12 minutes, but why did he only play 12 minutes?

Spurs/Celtics were both up 2-0, now both have to win road games to keep their seasons alive; who would've thought that?

-- Texas-Oakland game was played in 2:04; there were 101 pitches taken in game, with 52 called strikes, 49 balls. First game in major leagues this season with more called strikes than balls.

-- Josh Beckett lost a tough 2-1 game to Baltimore, then refused to talk to the media afterwards; that should go over well in Boston.

-- Mets are five games over .500, despite allowing ten more runs than they have scored. Phillies are 28-30, but are +4 in runs scored/allowed.

-- Devils won Game 4 in Staples Center, delayed the Kings' celebration by at least three days, and sent the Stanley Cup 3,000 miles east for Game 5. Still one more game to win for LA, three more for New Jersey.

-- Spurs lost four straight after winning 20 games in a row, one of the most unusual streaks in sports history. Sad end to a terrific season. Still admire how they go about their business.

-- As happy as you are for the Thunder and their fans, you feel for people in Seattle, a city robbed of its Sonics, who were these Thunder before David Stern and his band of weasels stole the team from Seattle. Too bad.

13) At the beginning of the Miami-Boston series, you had to risk $1,475 to win $100 if you bet on the Heat; right now, if you bet $100 on the Heat, you’d get $120 if they can win Games 6-7.

12) Ohio Bobcats play four football games this November; on a Thursday-Wednesday-Wednesday-Friday; is their campus closed on Saturdays?

Does TV exposure help recruiting that much, even though there aren’t many fans at the games? Maybe it does, I don’t know. Maybe it helps alumni donations to have games on ESPN, even on a Tuesday night. Wish someone would investigate and let me know.

11) Jets’ coach Rex Ryan has lost 90 pounds in the last year after having weight-loss surgery, 40 of it since last season ended. Good for him.

10) Syracuse’s basketball team is actually leaving NY State twice in November this fall, once to play San Diego State in the aircraft carrier game, the other to visit Arkansas in the SEC-Big East Challenge. Wow.

9) Gio Gonzalez is doing great for Washington, but one of the pitchers the Nationals sent to Oakland, Tommy Milone, is also doing well; he has a 2.18 RA in his last three starts, even though the light-hitting A’s scored only one run in losing all three of those games. Brad Peacock and AJ Cole are both struggling in the minors this season; Oakland needs Peacock to be good, and fairly soon.

8) AL East-- Last place Red Sox are 28-28, only four games out. Baltimore is in first place. Go figure.
NL East-- Injury-riddled Phillies are 28-30, still only six games out. Seeing as Nationals are in first, Phils have to be optimistic, if they can get healthy.

7) Seattle Seahawks violated no-contact rules in their off-season workouts, so they couldn’t have any practices Wednesday-Thursday this week. Still think Pete Carroll is stealing Seattle owner Paul Allen’s money; only reason he left USC was to get out before the NCAA got there. Rules violations seem to follow him around.

5) Kansas City Royals have played ten road series, and only lost two of them (6-2-2). Who knew?

4) How about the job Clint Hurdle is doing with the Pirates? Buccos are tied for second in NL Central, three games behind the Reds, only 2.5 games out of the Wild Card slots. They're 28-27 with pretty good pitching.

3) New Jersey Devils are 26th NHL team to be down 3-0 in Stanley Cup Finals; of the previous 25 teams, only the ’42 Maple Leafs rallied to win the last four games.

2) Kid named Tyler Self averaged only 3.9 ppg in high school LY, but he's going to be on the Kansas Jayhawks for the next four years. How do I know this? Tyler's dad is Bill Self, the Kansas coach. Tyler is a 6-2 walk-on guard who will practice hard and get to spend a lot of time with his dad, and that is pretty cool in itself.

1) Phil Mickelson needs to toughen up; he texted Tim Finchem, PGA Tour commissioner, from the 6th fairway at Muirfield last week, whining because people were taking cellphone pics of him while he was playing. Then he withdrew after the first round, after shooting 79. Too freakin’ bad.

Mickelson likes to present himself as a man of the people, but he does commercials for Exxon-Mobil, the biggest scumbags/thieves in America, and now he whines because he can’t hit a ball that’s standing still because some old lady is Ohio is taking his picture with her cellphone.

Baseball players have to hit pitches thrown 95 mph, with 40,000 fans screaming at them. Get some earplugs and hit the ball.

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