Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I competed this past weekend in Pittsburgh.The past week was an emotional roller
coaster, with lots of tears, thoughts and reservations about going to
Pittsburgh.

How to best explain this?Funny how God gives you validation of your own thoughts through
others.Channa Serenity, a vegan bikini
athlete I’ve been following explained it best last week with her own situation:

It's been a very
rough couple of weeks for me, I've had to come to terms with the fact I need to
make dramatic lifestyle changes due to my health. I haven't been feeling
well...for quite awhile now. After eliminating other ailments from the table,
It seems I'm left with Chronic Fatique Syndrome. I felt sorry for myself for a
few days, this meant no more crazy workouts, and possibly feeling yuk a lot of
the time, then I smartened up and took time to reflect. Why was I even working
out so hard to begin with? I don't even enjoy lifting weights lol I was trying
to gain approval from others by doing what I was told I'd be good at. Truth is,
I love to dance in the living room, walk peacefully along the tides of the
ocean, rollerblade, yoga, I want to exercise with grace because I enjoy it and
the healing nature around me. Everyone always says "Moderation", but
I certainly wasn't doing that with my training, or my desire to be the best. I
was living in ego consciousness. That's not where I want to be or where my true
path is, its in the mystical/spiritual consciousness.

Last week, as I was practicing posing for the Pittsburgh show, I
just collapsed in a state of mental and moral confusion.

I had spent all this time prepping for the show, but it’s not on
my heart.I feel run down.I’m tired all the time.My hip is injured.

Morally, I can’t see spending hours in the gym so my abs look
good a benefit to society.Especially
when I live in an area where homeless people are on every street corner and
sleep right outside my complex.

At first, I wanted to compete just to say I did.Then there was the draw of the stage.And, while I’m in school for acupuncture, I
don’t know how quickly my practice will pick up, so having a back-up plan
(personal training) is beneficial.And
being a NPC bikini competitor, especially one that places, can help me in
marketing myself to clients.But the
clients I want to help are everyday people, with jobs, kids and crazy lives,
needing a push to make healthy lifestyle choices, not aspiring to spend three
hours in the gym.

Between school (a must) and competition prep, I have no time for
things I value as more important, such as my marriage.It would be nice to have enough energy to doing
something with Hubs other than just watching TV.

So, in going to Pittsburgh I brought my worst attitude
possible.I didn't feel like I should be
there, I was dreading every moment, and complained to my family in every
conversation throughout the weekend.But
Hubs told me that if this was going to be one of the last shows I compete in, I
should at least just have fun.

He was right.(Wise man.)

I prayed the whole weekend.

And rather than looking at Pittsburgh as a waste of time and
money, I decided to take it as a learning process and an experience.

1.I got to meet some of the fitness world’s most famous.

Jay Culter

Sonia Gonzalez

I got to drive a Fiat 500 ... which I will never drive again.

2.I was surrounded by other teammates.

3.I was able to meet with my coaches and get some feedback.

I also realized that I am not mentally or physically ready for a
national level competition, which I had planned on doing one in August.

Not to shabby, but not good enough ... I placed 12th of 25.

Outside of Pittsburgh, I realized I do want to compete, but I
have decided to change direction of my training.I will still be with Bombshell, but I am not
going to do a show until the fall.

I also want to incorporate a healthy lifestyle: see a doctor
about my exhaustion, and not feel terrible if I miss a workout to spend time
with Hubs or beat myself up if I have a frozen yogurt mid-week.