Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Some things..........a release

Some things must be said.
Some things, they must be said. But please keep your pity for yourself.....for where you are blind.

I feel something inside of me changing, birthing.... I cannot stay like this any longer.
These thoughts hold me prisoner, even this writing could be dangerous........yet something must be said. Some things.........

I am so contradictory. It is exhausting riding the moods of my mind. Mixed with the truth of the world in all its breaking down. And a deep seeded need to feel safe and secure in a world with no such thing....

I have filed for bankruptcy. I will need to turn in my car in Feb. I need a much cheaper place with my son. I am scared. I have been working. We have a simple life. And yet we have nothing. From working my boys are taken care of when i pass. Thank God...

My sons are the best experiences of my life. By far. I love deeper everyday from knowing these two angels. They have and continue to make life worth living. They have shown me a love that never was born, nor shall it ever die. The safest place I have ever known on this planet is within the love of my sons Myles and Christian.

Its as everyone shares, in the blink of an eye its gone....possibilities.....sometimes dreams.....the rosebud blossom, childhood and than one's child's childhood.

My mother loves to share the story with me of how I was born a month "late" and how I did not want to come out into this world. Then, I was born quickly, three pushes she says. Maybe I saw the tongs they were gonna grab at my head with.........nnnooooooooo........

I feel her story. I feel it inside of me in the deepest place. Yes how I love to curl up into a ball and hide under my covers, with loud fans whirling creating a womb like sound.
The things that continue to happen here astound me and make me feel disease in my bones. I try to shield myself from as much as possible. Because I already feel it and going into it more produces a state of depression and hopelessness and fear.

I seek the tear in the fabric. It only comes in moments. It is the quiet voice and feels a higher state. The knowing, the pulling, the flow that has and will forever propel all things forward to light. To love.....

Something it is silly to try to put into words. It is that that is too vast to be named.
Surrender Sherilyn....Surrender Sherri....let it be.....there is nothing to do. It is christmas pj day with my little one.

LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN to your quiet voice..... It will guide you and all of us have this as our birthright.

I come here to take it to the streets and release more masks this frightened world has made a belief of wearing them and hiding. Instead of shedding them and......gliding......truthfully.....xxoo

I love how you are able to express yourself so eloquently. Our fears are made that much larger by our minds and therefore can be made much smaller also.

I went through some serious changes back in 2008. Everything was black and there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I was even standing on a bridge thinking about options when I happened to look out from where I stood and saw the gentle snow flakes landing on the pine trees next to the river. I then saw the moon glistening here and there like fairy dust.

I don't know what it was about that moment but I knew then things would be okay. And guess what, they were.

I didn't, and still don't, have any children but as far as I see it your little ones are a blessing and something tells me everything will be just fine in time, even if the little glittering snow flakes are nowhere to be seen right now.

I'm so glad you're still blogging. I am too-this summer will make five years. A few months ago I went through some health problems and found myself even more tired than I usually am. I have a disability that brings me fatigue so I am constantly keeping an eye on it and balancing it with the rest of my day. Because frankly taking care of three small children (my eldest is your youngest age) while my husband is working the two jobs can drive anyone insane at some point.

So long story short after I had an emergency surgery and I began to heal I went into this phase of feeling really down. I struggle to have any me time and you know the kiddies need you all day long. Now into the new year I look back at those tough months, that depression, that never ending frustration and I find myself suddenly feeling stronger in every way.

I realized that I need to be creative. I need to be doing something for me and not just thinking of everyone else. I need to feed my brain and I need to express myself. I know exactly how you feel when you mentioned your boys in this post. My babies are my utter joy. But I realized-awoke to the knowing that going through struggles can bring us to a place where we can be greater then we were before. Greater than we never thought we could be. Know what I mean?

You're not alone. My hope for you is that you too can feel like you are rising from the ashes like a phoenix like I have been lately. Take that struggle-go through it-and rise above.

I look fwd to seeing your future work (always be an Audrey fan!) and I'm really happy you have your work and your boys. Nothing better than keeping creative and having some lovebugs to come home to.

Your words are absolutely real and deep and hit me at a level to which I could just reach out to you and hug you like a sister. You're a woman of spirit and infinite sunshine--I see it and feel it in your words. There is love and light and beauty in every place you look.

Your words are absolutely real and deep and hit me at a level to which I could just reach out to you and hug you like a sister. You're a woman of spirit and infinite sunshine--I see it and feel it in your words. There is love and light and beauty in every place you look.

YES IT DOES. WHEN ONE FORGIVES ALL THEIR MISTAKES THEY MADE & SEES THEY ARE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN, IT IS ALL LIFTED.BUT YOU MY PET, MY TROLL, I AM WORRIED FOR YOU. ARE YOU BEING ATTACKED ON TWITTER SO YOU TROLL NOW HERE? THESE SITES ALWAYS AT 2AMISH, TO SPREAD YR HATE AND JUDGEMENT. ITS A WORLD OF MIRRORS & WHAT YOU HATE IN ME IS ACTUALLY YOU. I SEND YOU LIGHT AND LOVE AND EVEN FORGIVENESS FOR THIS SAD & OBVIOUSLY LONELY BEHAVIOR.SHERILYN FENN: RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN WITH NOTHING TO HIDE BEHIND......like you.live to love.......and watch me begin to soar again....

You tugged at my heartstrings with this post. What a rotten way to start a new year. Just know you are not alone in what you are experiencing, although I'm sure you feel that way. I went through a bankruptcy in 2011 and this past year I bought my 1st home, all by myself. I was always afraid of being poor, and it turns out I am so much happier with less than I could have ever imagined! Sometimes I think we should run headlong into what scares us, rather than try to avoid it - might just save a lot of time and effort!

I've also struggled with depression - most of my life actually. Unfortunately, I don’t have much good advice on that point. Somehow, my depression left me a few years ago. I have no idea why. Now that I type that I realize I’ve been single most of the last few years, so perhaps avoiding men did the trick for me? LOL!!! And now I digress.

I admire your blog. I’ve been thinking of starting my own. You are very brave, putting these things out into the world under your real name. Maybe I’ll follow suit. However, I have to say that typing on this platform is MADDENING!!! Thank goodness for copy and paste.

Just know that someone out there (many someones) are cheering for you as you face these challenges!

Sherilyn ,I must tell you that I am Thailand.The other day I was watching your movie"two moon junction" on the website.l really like you a lot.You pretty much really. I have followed your blog. I am very happy to let you know my feeling.

This too shall pass. You will be provided for. All your needs and the needs of your loved ones will be met. You say you are scared. Have faith as faith is the absence of fear. Thank you for your frank and open sharing.

I just happened upon your blog and am impressed with your candor. Getting to see the human frailty of a person one would think to as unapproachable I find amazing. You write that you are scared, I say have faith. Faith is the absence of fear. Your needs will be met as well as the needs of your loved ones. Thank you for sharing yourself.

All women belong to the Scar Clan... at least according to Dr. Clarissa Pinkola's book'Women Who Run With Wolves'. Have you read this book? If not, I highly recommend it. Her deeply rich symbolic storytelling of the feminine journey will resonate with you even after just reading a couple of paragraphs. I solely exist for my kids all under the age of 7, so I feel you on the intensity of maternal love. There's a saying that something along the lines of...'The most precious jewels to adorn your neck are the arms of your children...We all suffer, some more than most. But after winter, must come spring right?Keep running the good race sister.

Trolls are ugly and live under bridges and the one thing they love is to make up lies that will hurt people. They want to see you upset. Don't let them. Don't let this petty troll get to you, babe. /Becka

About Me

A seeker and speaker of my truth. And I encourage others to do the same. All are one and yet here we appear to be separate and therefore truth has many faces. And they are all relevant.This is my place to share . If it offends you, you don't have to read it.