thoughts

Ok guys so let's start off by saying he was my first boyfriend my first love me first everything. I did love him a lot and for a while I thought he loved me we were inseparable always together. We talked on the phone for hours. After 6months in the relationship I thought it was time so yes we had sex. We had sex a lot always with protection. On our one year he surprised me with a ring and roses, very sweet. Time went by and things started to change. I had found out by a friend that in the beginning of our relationship he had cheated I was so upset and just asked myself what I do wrong. After that I found out she wasn't the only one there was more. W.e we'll I decided to forgive him. Then he completely changed with me he wasn't spending much time with me and started to hang out with his friends started to smoke and all that (we never made our two years then that's when we decided to call it quits though we would still act like we went out) We both are young and well we had myspace and ******** once he started using that I would always see stuff I didn't like. But hey I just thought it was just a stupid little comment. Turns out to be that he actually had sex wit some girl from ********. he knew her from freshman year and well yea they did what they did. He never told me I found out by myself. Later on I asked him who else there was and he said several other girls. I was shocked but not to surprised since I always did suspect that. My assumptions we're always right about him. I did stop having sex with him after I found out he had H which was while we were still together. I stood by his side always telling him I loved and always trying to tell him to change. For a while I began to not care as much I went out with my friends TRIED talking to one guy but just pushed him off because just like many guys he just wanted to have sex with me. I told my ex everything I did, which I really didn't do anything. I started to act like I didn't care I wouldn't call him as much and just tried to get over him I did try but he would come back some how. I know I should've ignored him but I love him not just because he was my bf but as a friend I care about him and I wanted to help himchange with all his habits he was selling, smoking, drinking nothing was good his friends made matters worse. I unlike everyother person felt as if I had to be there for him. He's the only child. Has no father and mother. I guess no matter what ill always have some feeling for him. He now is far away and I guess its better that way. One thing he doesn't no is that he's made me lose all confidence. I always wonder why he did the things he did I've seen pics of the other girls and they have nice bodies and I then look at myself and there's no comparison. To be honest I feel ugly and unwanted. And the one question ill always have to live with is why he would tell me he loved me why would he still come back if he had other girls. Why?

I'm sorry you're suffering.
I think that in a perfect world we will all feel great about ourselves, no matter what,
but I don't know many people who are like that, especially when they are rather young, like you are.
Comparing yourself with other people will always be the wrong choice. Even if you've
"won" by being prettier or having a better body, there will always be something that someone else will have, and you don't. That's the beauty of everyone being different, we each have something unique to offer.
I hear that your ex was a bit of a dog, but the bottom line is, don't give anyone the power to tell you who you are. If you allow that, then you can potentially spend a lifetime determining your worth only by how worthy others think you are.
Don't sell yourself short.

Honey, I'm sorry you're going through this, too. I know how bad it hurts. But the questions you're asking, all the why's, they don't have an answer, no answer that will make you fee any better, anyway. It will take you a while to get over him, but once you wrap your mind around the fact that he was just a learning experience it will get easier. Almost no one gets it right the first time. You chose a guy who was wrong for you. Next time you'l be able to choose a bit more wisely. What you need to do now is get back to the business of being the best you that you can be. School, work, hobbies, passions, family and friends, these are the things you need to filling up your life with now. He's gone, he's a part of your past, and if he did come back into your life now, he would only cause you pain and unhappiness, and you don't need or want that, so what does it matter why? It really just doesn't.

Now, when you say "he got H" I take that to mean he caught herpes? And you had sex with him after he was diagnosed? If you haven't gone to a doctor to get tested for it, I suggest you do. Take care of yourself. Good luck.

The other ladies here are correct. The only reason why he kept stringing you along is because you let him. No other reason. You need to keep this in mind for your next relationship to make sure it doesn't happen to you again. If you're dating a guy and he cheats on you, be done with him. Don't take him back. No excuses. Then you can avoid all of this unnecessary second guessing after it ends.

Another thing you should keep in mind is that very, very, very few people actually end up staying with their first loves. That is something so rare that you won't find it hardly ever happening. It's just a fact of life because we never stay the same person we were at those younger ages. We're constantly changing and growing, and we grow out of the things that interested us in the past. And the people who did marry their first love usually end up getting divorced or bored eventually. Even fewer people who marry their first love end up staying married to them for the long run. The odds are more often than not, stuck against you in a first love situation.