Running through life with a heart overwhelmed by grace

calling

Yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I have always had something to find my identity in, but I think that is true of most people.

When I was a young girl in school, I was smart.

When I got into high school and college I was a cheerleader. I told everyone that.

My last semester in college I started dating this guy so I was his girlfriend for 4 1/2 years.

After we broke up, I started running. Then, I was a runner. I found myself telling people so and it was a fact most people knew about me for my adult life.

Then, the unexpected happened. I was injured training for a marathon and never really healed. I didn’t know who I was. I couldn’t hang out with those friends anymore because they were doing something that I could no longer do -> run.

I struggled in trying to find my place in this world. I suddenly didn’t know where I belonged anymore.

I had been back in church for a year or two at this point so I was slowly but surely starting to recognize the gospel. So in the past 2-3 years I have found my true identity.

And, that brings me to yesterday I was sitting in church listening to the message when I had to write my ideas down.

I don’t ever have to wonder who I am or where I belong anymore, because I know that I am His and He is mine.

That is where my identity lies from now till forever, in the love of Christ. I don’t ever have to wander this world alone again. I am saved by grace through faith.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God. {Ephesians 2:8}

Do you enjoy every sunrise and sunset as I do? Do you look at it and know the beauty of our Creator? Most days it brings tears to my eyes to see the horizon, to know that His mercies are new every day. Not some days when He feels like it. Not only on weekends. Not only when I am doing my best to be His child here on Earth. Every. Single. Day.

That brings me to this. I have felt a nudging in my heart. That nudging has brought me to the conclusion that this is something God keeps putting in front of me for a reason. He is in this, as He is in all things. I try to not make huge life decisions without Him. I say “try” because sometimes I fail and my selfishness takes over.

So, this thing that I’m going to do, or think I’m going to do, is Holy Yoga. I am going to be an instructor. It is my passion to lead other women in loving themselves and their bodies exactly where they are in a Spirit-filled atmosphere.

I have no formal yoga training. I only practice at home. I am humble in all aspects of yoga (and ministering – this is scary to me). But, I am willing to trust and I am willing to learn. If there is one thing I can say positive about myself it’s that I am coach-able.

Therefore, I am taking up this journey. I am going where the Spirit leads me, even if it is into deep, unknown waters. I am trusting. I am trusting in His timing. I am trusting in His provision. I am trusting in His sovereignty.

Have you ever practiced Holy Yoga? Where do you feel the Spirit leading you this year? What are your new scary endeavors?

If you grew up in church, or even just in the South, you know the story of Jonah and the big fish. All I remember is Jonah being swallowed but by a giant fish and living in his belly for a while before getting out. Until recently, I had thought he fell off the ship. I guess they soften things for kids, because he was actually thrown off…because he asked to be. Yep, cast overboard of his own decision.

Doesn’t this look sweet?

Why? Let’s go back to the beginning. Jonah was commanded by God to go to Nineveh and preach, but guess what? Jonah didn’t want to do that. Nope. He ran away from God! What was he thinking? Can you actually do that? Instead of going to Nineveh(Middle East), he jumped on a ship heading the opposite direction to Tarshish(present day Spain).

click for source

Then, a giant storm came and Jonah asked to be “cast off” because he knew that this raging storm had come. The rest is history, he was swallowed by a fish and then later spat out after promising he would make good on what was asked of him.

So this got me thinking. God is not just going to let me just run away. No. He is going to pursue me with his relentless, passionate, absolutely overwhelming love. (Who doesn’t want to be pursued??)

I self-sabotage. I think I know what is the right thing for me. I try to control my life. What a crazy thought. What have I been running from? Where have I been afraid to go that I was being called?

There are things I have put off and put off. I have, in my humanness, avoided what I knew I should or should not be doing. Honestly, I just didn’t trust that I was capable of what he was asking of me. So, maybe all that struggle, all that heartache, all the trying to control was me in the belly of the fish. God was waiting for me to surface, waiting for me to let go, waiting for me to give in and do what he has put me here to do.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters Your sovereign hand Will be my guide Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Grace. fear. failure. These words so often go hand in hand for me. I know that what I can do is nothing. What Grace can do is everything. If it wasn’t for Grace, who knows where I’d be now or what I’d be doing. But, God, He takes care of me but yet sometimes I still doubt, I still fear, I still wonder.

Crazy things happen every day. Nothing ever completely out of hand happens to me. Sometimes I fear that I’m living a life of too much comfort. That I can’t be that dependent on God because I don’t need him. I hear the words to this song and I know that I just need to take that leap. I’m ready to free fall with Him into this life that I would love to live but is such a “risk”. Can I really do this? Is it a calling or is it a selfish endeavor? How do I know? Well, I know because this is something that I could never ever do on my own. This is beyond me. Out of my hands. Out of my control. Spirit lead me…

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders Let me walk upon the waters Wherever You would call me Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger In the presence of my Savior

Take a moment and worship. You’ll be better for it.

Search for:

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Hi, I'm Niki. I'm here to share my fitness, faith, and everything in-between. I have a passion for helping others reach their goals, whether it be fitness, faith, or financial. I'm 1st grade teacher by day, fitness coach by afternoon. If you can dream it, you can do it!