This Is Us Doesn't Feel Like Comfort Viewing Anymore

This Is Us feels different this season, and this week I figured out why — it's not comfort TV any more. Sure, season one made you cry a lot, but it basically felt like warm, cuddly escapism, in which nothing too dire ever happened. But now, with Jack's impending death looming over the flashbacks and haunting the Pearson kids' present day storylines, the show is veering pretty close to bleak.

And that's okay! Last night's episode has the Pearsons all being forced to grapple with very tough realities, be it Jack's alcoholism, Kevin's unresolved grief, or Randall and Beth's rocky start as foster parents. Also: Who knew that Sly Stallone could be such an effective delivery mechanism for FEELS?

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Let's get into my feelings from this week.

1. "Feels like you get extra credit around here for crying." Hi, Jack, yes, welcome to This Is Us.

2. Randall cooking his feelings is yet one more way in which I feel very, very closely attuned to him. And now I also want bolognese. Also: "Yeah, because kids in need love them some big ol' kitchen islands!"

3. How many times are we going to do this scene where Kevin does an impression of something ill-advised, and then the worst possible person walks in right in the middle of it? First the Manny meltdown redux last week, and now Sly!

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4. We haven't really seen much about Kevin's grief yet, but consider these two things: that scene from season one where he suddenly breaks down to the widow at that random funeral, and the fact that he openly hates Miguel, much more than the other kids. Last season established the fact that Kate's completely unable to talk about Jack's death, but as it turns out, the twins both seem equally shellshocked by it.

5. I genuinely never would have imagined that Sly would make me feel this much, but here we are. "I wanted to thank you for making my dad feel good." "Thank you for telling me that."

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6. Would watch Chrissy Metz's entire rendition of Rocky from beginning to end. Take my money.

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7. Jack and Rebecca's relationship was such a fairytale through (most of) season one, and though I hate to say it, it's about time it came down to earth. It's so fully believable that they haven't been "intimate" in a very long time, and I love the realistic awkwardness of Rebecca trying to fix things by "Jack Pearson-ing" Jack.

8. Deja's entrance into the Pearson house, with the back of her head to the camera, everything around her blurred and the sound muffled, is really beautifully filmed. She's silent for most of the episode, and it's a really effective way to show how overwhelmed she is. (Side note: Can we call Randall and Beth's house the Pearson house? Because, technically, the original Pearson house burned down.)

9. As an obnoxious perfectionist who is terrified of public speaking, watching Kevin repeatedly flub this line is deeply stressful to me.

10. "I can't believe I thought I was gonna win this girl over by repeating our names and giving her a tour." Sweet, sweet, naive Randall. This is even more sad when placed alongside sweet, sweet, naive teenage Randall, who really thought he was going to find his birth mom through placing that ad, instead of a scammer looking for money.

11. Okay, so I know that this awkward sex scene between Jack and Rebecca is meant to be a sad illustration of how their intimacy has faded, but honestly I just think it was bad planning. Rebecca, I get that you had a really nice date here years ago, but nostalgic sex in a car is still sex in a car, and maybe not the way to ease back into things after a dry spell. Also, "eat our burgers later"? What, WHEN THEY'RE COLD?

12. That flinch. Poor, poor Deja. Everything about this is heartbreaking.

13. This fight between Kate and Kevin is GREAT because nobody is wrong. Kevin really doesn't have time to delve into his feelings when he's in the middle of a potentially career-making role—and why is Kate constantly hovering around him on set, anyway? Is she working as his assistant again? But Kate's right about her brother needing therapy for his glaring unresolved grief issues.

Milo Ventimiglia as Jack

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14. Jaaaaaaack. I know I've said this before, but I really, really appreciate that the show is not glossing over how hard recovery is, how much work it is to stick with a program, and how much of a toll it takes on your family. It's all much harder than he thought it would be.

15. "You're the strongest person I know, Jack." Watching him try so hard when we know how this all ends up — and very soon — is just bleak.

16. Kevin flashing back to Jack's death while shooting his big war scene is a wonderful, subtle callback to Jack's Vietnam memory from last week, and there is now officially something weird going on with this whole knee mystery. Why was it in a cast? What's the link between that injury and Jack's death?

17. "This house is crazy." Fair comment, Deja — and this parallel between Deja and William is both lovely and telling. Randall thinks he'll be able to relate to Deja because he was adopted, and that by doing he'll be honoring William's legacy, but the reality is that Randall was adopted into a very functional, stable family, and grew up pretty much wanting for nothing.

18. Oh my God, the dog. YOU GUYS, THE FLOOFY DOGGO. I'M DONE. Jack needs a dog more than anyone has ever needed a dog.

19. Waiiiiit, what are those pills Kevin just took? As Kevin's taking those pills, we hear Kate saying, "He's just like you" — presumably talking to Jack's urn. So if Kevin is the Pearson child who's most like Jack, is he mirroring some of Jack's demons? He's clearly not a drinker, but are those pills a legit prescription?