Paris Hilton has thrown her hat into the US presidential race, declaring her desire to campaign against “that wrinkly white-haired guy” and threatening to paint the White House pink if elected.The blond socialite responded to Republican candidate John McCain’s controversial use of her image in a campaign television spot last week with a satirical ad of her own posted on the website Funnyordie.com on Tuesday.

In the ad, the 27-year-old appears reclining on a sun lounger beside a swimming pool, dressed only in a skimpy leopard-print bathing costume.

LAKE OF FIRE, HELL – Former United States Senator Jesse Helms seemed surprised to wake up in Hell this morning, exclaiming “but I’m white!” as minions of Beelzebub poked and prodded the conservative Southern senator.

The tormenting of his soul is reportedly due to the multitude of hateful laws he supported, as well as the hypocrisies within his own religious beliefs for which Helms was famously known.

Helms’s shock is reported to have worn off quickly after he was reunited with fellow Southern racist Strom Thurmond.

According to Satan, the arrival of Helms has been expected, as he traded his soul for his Senate seat decades ago.

“Do you really think a jackass bigot like Jesse could have been elected that many times without the help of the forces of darkness?” the devil quipped. “Cracka, please.”