Pages

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

"Choose Valentina" by Walter Eckland

EXCERPT

Choose Valentina

by Walter
Eckland

Description

What is the antidote to an Evil Queen and two perfectly pouty Princesses?

Why, Valentina of course!

She is the nicest niece of the nasty reigning Reign of Candela. To the
total non-amusement of both the Queen and her off-putting offspring, Valentina
is chosen as the choosing one. Don’t panic! Valentina is fearless in the face
of fright. It has been three hundred years since the last Dragon Decade and
things are sure hatching in their baths of blood. Toss some newly elected and
selected friends in the pot, stir, shake, escape ... and then we have an
adventure on our hands!

Excerpt

Valentina and the Choice

It was a Dragon
Decade.

Of course that was
completely new and exciting for everyone. There is never any way of telling
when one will come along. Oh yes, there are those that predict and foretell and
portent. They are liars, fibbers, cheaters, fabricators, phonies, frauds or
charlatans, and occasionally, the Queen will chop off one of their heads.

Let’s clarify that
if you please, please. Occasionally, the (evil) Queen will chop off the one and
only head that sits upon the broad-, narrow-, medium-, or shoulder-sized
shoulders of one of her completely foolish fools of a fool citizen who wrongly
predicts, portends, postulates, populates, or hallucinates a Dragon Decade.

Big ouch!

Did I just say evil
Queen? I do believe that, in fact, I did, back there, right before that choppy
ouch part. When I said “evil,” I would imagine that you pictured a picture in
the full-color pictures parts of your mind of this Queen. Wait. Let’s uppercase
label her: this Evil Queen.

I bet you even think
she gets fresh, homemade, mint jelly served with her lamb brains stew.

You are almost all
of the way correct. She is all those things you thought, mint jelly included,
ugly part excluded. Oh no, this Evil
Queen is definitely not ugly. She is beautiful. She is gorgeous. She is the
visionary envy of everyone in the kingdom (or should that be queendom?) and the other ten close-by
kingdoms or queendoms. She’s a
stunningly stunning stunner—pretty, gorgeous, exquisite, radiant. Why, the very
sun itself stops in its sun tracks when it sees her sunny, glowy glow.

Once again you’ve
half nailed the nail on the nail’s whole head. La Queen has two hor-ren-dous-ly
rotten daughters and one youngest mis-er-able
brat of a son. However this trio of terror is simply, handsomely, beautifully,
stunningly stunning also and too.

They also have great
shoes and clothes too, also, too, and also and positively definitely, for sure,
no doubt, also, and too. All of their fab-u-lo-so
shoes are sized to fit, and they never ever have to tie their own laces.

Review

There are no reviews as yet for this NEW RELEASE. Why not be the first to
review after reading your FREE copy?

About the Author

Walter Eckland is an odd sort of duck who throws a bunch of words
together and then hacks the heck out of them afterwards. Sometimes they align
well pre or post the masticating. Sometimes said words align humorously. Once
they made someone cry. We don't know why. Most times the words get tossed in an
electronic waste receptacle to be reused in a more conventional manor by
someone who probably DID pay attention in seventh grade English and did learn
about grammar, punctuation and run on sentences while Walter was listening to
his ADHD and trying desperately to sit still.

Walter used to spend a boatload of time in airplanes crossing the little
pond between the North East of the new world and the old continent. Australian
Shiraz fueled much of the word proliferation during that time until Walter
switched to Cabernet Sauvignon.

These days Walter does a little repetitive South to North travel path and
dusts off some old words and tries to make sense of whatever nonsense he
intended at the time. Most of his ramblings fall into silly children's books or
old style science fiction. One sci-fi book involves a fat lady and a Volvo.

Walter's first Kindle offering, Corie Universe Feeder, involves a young girl that reminds him a bit of his
daughter. There are two more books in the series (so far). Book Two, Corie Castle Builder, is kind of different but still the silly same stuff.
Book Three, Corie World Creator, takes a few odds turns and almost makes a point or two.

Social Media

Facebook Page

Goodreads

Walden Bear is a boy who wants to grow up to be a bear. When his teacher (ironically named Mrs. Hunter) tells him he can't, he becomes even more determined to succeed.
This is another marvelous offering from Julia Dweck. This time there...

Marshall Ferriot has his eyes set on Niquette (Nikki) Delogpre, but her boyfriend Anthem Landry stands in his way. After engineering their breakup, Marshall and Nikki are exposed to a strange organism which will change their lives foreve...

Mary had a little lamb ... it followed her to school one day ... yeah, yeah, we all know that. But in this twist on the classic nursery rhyme, Mary has trouble taking her sleepy sheep Sheppard anywhere! He keeps falling asleep. So Mary b...

Humpfree is different. Unlike the other camels, he has no humps. So Humpfree sets off to find some, a task that proves more difficult than he thought.
This is a lovely story that teaches children that it's okay to be different and that,...

This delightful hardcover children's picture book is the perfect gift for your little angel. Make sure your fill in the special dedication page at the front: "To my favorite angel ... With love from ..."
"Angels" contains beautiful full...