#BookReview | Beauty in the Breakdown

“Sometimes the most important thing you’ll ever need to know is how to be your own best friend.” —Anonymous

In July of 2015 I finally got the courage to leave the abusive relationship and toxic living situation I was in. I’ll spare you the ugly details; no one wants to read about it, especially my Dad.

Not a day went by that I didn’t cry in the bathroom. Each evening, sometimes as soon as I got home from work I would let the feelings take over my body and have their way with me as I sat on the bathroom floor. Face to my knees, arms wrapped around, I hugged myself as I sobbed, praying for some kind of answer.

I let myself feel my weaknesses there, on the floor, because I knew no one could see me. I didn’t want anyone to see me. I felt I had made such a mess of my life being so passive for the past year and a half that it was too difficult to start to clean up. I had no family near me, little money and no clue what to do.

The problem was I knew there was something very wrong, not just with the relationship I was in, but the relationship I had with myself. It was like a beast I could not bear look in the eyes because I knew it would take immense effort and strength to face my own demons. For months prior to leaving the relationship I treaded water, not moving anywhere, but not quite sinking. It felt impossible to leave, but impossible to stay, but the voice in my head was always the same:

“This isn’t your life.”

I knew it wasn’t my life, but I couldn’t understand how it had gotten so bad, how I did I let it get so bad? I knew the power of my mind, I had known it in the past, I had known my positivity, so why was I feeling so lost?

I had suppressed my intuition.

My intuition had told me from the beginning not to be so passive, but before I knew it: one month had gone by, six months and then a full year. That is what happens when you take life day by day, just hoping things will get better, but not acting on personal development and growth.

I didn’t harness my own inner strength, the power of my mind or listen to my intuition.

This is the story of how I took dominance of my life, educated myself and began to build my inner kingdom of self-love and independence and of course, go after the one “impossible” dream I had always had. All within one year.

I first came across Zoey Arielle’s channel while browsing Youtube, looking for inspiring people who have moved abroad and are making it work. I quickly came to love how uplifting Zoey is in her videos, and was curious to see her journey of how she moved to Italy. She describes it in a few of her videos {here}{here} and {here}. When I saw that she had a book out, I was curious and bought it. Like her channel, her book inspires you to “harness your inner strength” and take dominance of your life.

This was a personal book for her, so it is hard to review in that it was her own experiences, how can I judge that? I can’t. What I can say is that there were a lot of inspiring and uplifting moments in this book that have encouraged me in my own journey to living abroad, and for that I am thankful. I am currently getting certification to teach English abroad, and there are terrifying moments of wondering whether I am doing the right thing, if what I am doing is insane, but I’ve collected a lovely list of Youtubers who I turn to for encouragement, and Zoey is one of them.