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I'm
Like a Bird

Part 1

Youíre beautiful, thatís
for sure
Youíll never ever fade
Youíre lovely, but itís not for sure
That I wonít ever change

I sit across from the red-haired
man transfixed by the sound of his voice, but not his words. I nod at
varying intervals to feign interest. He doesnít notice. Resting my face
against my hand, I lean towards him. He takes this as a further sign of
interest on my part and continues his monologue. Little does he know,
Iím really drinking in his features. Eyes the color of dark honey, behind
horned rimmed glasses. Long, slender nose. The shocking red color of hair
that his familyís trademark. Puckered brow that indicates deep, intense
thoughts. Deep pink lips that look soft and invitingÖ.

And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

Iím like a bird, Iíll only fly away
I donít know where my soul is
I donít know where my home is
And baby all I need for you to know is

"Penelope!" Have you heard
a word Iíve said?"

I start at the sound of his
voice. "Of course I have, love. It sounds like things are very busy for
you at the Ministry right now."

"Indeed," he responds in a
petulant voice as he picks up a menu, opens it with a snap and hides his
face from me. We both know this is a useless exercise because Percy invariably
ends up ordering Ďthe usualí. The waitress smiles and takes away the menus.

Iím like a bird, Iíll only fly away
I donít know where my soul is
I donít know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

We are regulars at this little
Hogsmeade pub since we graduated from Hogwarts. I prefer the Diagon Dragon
at Diagon Alley myself, but Percy likes Apparating, so we come here. Weíve
been dating since the end of his fifth year at Hogwarts. In the past two
years Percy has steadily risen within the Ministry. Iím on my first year
of an internship with St. Mungoís. I could point out to Percy that St.
Mungoís is just as inundated with work due to the current war. But I donít
because for one thing, Percy has only recently accepted the fact that
You-Know-Who is really back. For over a year, Percy kept insisting that
the various deaths in the wizarding world were just random acts of Dark
magic, because this was the Ministryís official position. The death of
Bartemious Crouch set him on a frenzied, one-man crusade to capture Azkaban
escapee, Sirius Black who Percy insisted was the murderer. He became so
obsessive about capturing Black that it put him at odds with his family.
The tension finally culminated in a nasty fight over dinner one night
that I was unfortunate enough to witness. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger
were also there as it was their summer vacation. When Percy went into
his usual tirade about Black being a cold-blooded killer who should be
executed, Ron finally exploded.

"Shut up Percy! Nobody wants
to hear your bloody opinion about anything!" While Percy spluttered in
rage, Mrs. Weasley shouted at Ron to watch his language and not to yell
at the dinner table. I donít believe Iíve ever seen Molly Weasley so angry.
All of the yelling seemed to upset Harryís big, black dog, which accompanied
him on this visit. The poor animal dashed out of the Burrow whimpering
and refused to come inside for the rest of their stay. It was awful. Ron
wouldnít talk to Percy for weeks after. The good thing was that it seemed
to be an epiphany of sorts for Percy. He told me later that his mum and
dad had had a long talk with him and made him some revelations that finally
convinced him that You-Know-Who was back and that there was really a war
going on. Poor Percy, it was hard for him to accept that the Ministry
was lying to people. However, now he had a new crusade, to help Dumbledore
and the resistance through his Ministry connection, just like his dad.
Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you donít know me that well

I have to admire Percyís tenacity.
Heís always been intense like that. Itís one of the things that attracted
me to him. Heís so together. Of course, Iím intelligent. Iím a Ravenclaw.
But before Percy I had no direction, no focus.

And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

Iím like a bird, Iíll only
fly awayÖ

I thrived on the kind of structure
and stability that he brought to my life. Perhaps itís because Iím Muggle
born. Sure, my parents were proud of me, but they never really understood
my world. There was so much I could never share with them. I felt lonely,
isolated. Percy changed all of that. He became my rock to cling to in
the wizarding world. My guide and soul mate. I donít know how I could
have borne some of the strange and terrifying occurrences in the wizarding
world without him. Like being Petrified by a basilisk almost three years
ago. Oh! How confused and disoriented I was after being revived from a
two month sleep! I remember leaving the infirmary weak-kneed and sobbing.
Percy pulled me into an empty classroom and held me until I couldnít cry
anymore. Later that same night we stole into this same empty classroom
and made love. We were both so nervous! Not only was it the first time
for both of us, but we were both worried about being discovered by the
caretaker Filch or his foul cat Mrs. Norris.

And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

Iím like a bird, Iíll only
fly awayÖ

This is how I remember
our seventh year: a series of stolen moments in empty classrooms and closets
with the stakes raised because now Percy was Head Boy.

I thought graduation would
mean an end to all the sneaking around. I figured if Percy didnít ask
me to marry him, surely weíd move in together. Unfortunately, Perfect
Percy became Prudent Percy who didnít want to leave his parentís home
until he was financially established. Now and then we reserve a room in
Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley for a romantic evening and breakfast, but never
longer than that. Percy tells his parents heís on business. I donít think
Molly Weasley approves of pre-marital relations and her opinion has always
been of utmost importance to Percy. Always. Of course, Percy insists that
we split the cost of the room. I donít mind, not really. Except lately,
even these overnighters have become few and far between.

Itís not that I wanna say goodbye
Itís just that every time you try
To tell me, me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
Iím going to have to eventually give you away

I pick at the food on my
plate broodingly as I listen to Percy explain why he must cancel another
one.

"Please donít sulk Penny,
itís really unbecoming. You know how important this job is to me. With
all this business about You-Know-Who coming back, itís imperative that
I stay on top of things. Without people like me and Dad to guide the Ministry
thereíd be chaos, canít have that now, can we?"

"No Percy, youíre right
of course. Itís just that, well, I miss you." I reach across the table
to give his hand a squeeze. Percy immediately jerks his hand back almost
upsetting his wine glass.

"Penelope, please!" he
hisses in an undertone, "You know how I feel about public displays of
affection. Itís not proper for a Ministry Official."

I scan the pub quickly.
The place is nearly empty, but instead of pointing this out I find myself
pleading, "Percy, itís been three months since the last time weÖ" I stop,
aware of the crimson flush rising on my face, "Donít youÖerÖI meanÖ"

"Of course I have needs
Penny. But weíre not animals. I daresay we can control our primal urges.
" Percy shakes with a malevolent snicker, "Not like Ron and Hermione.
Madam Hooch caught them in the broom shed a couple of months ago. Dumbledore
must have written home about it because Mum was so angry, crying for days
about that Ďher baby boy losing his innocenceí. She sent howlers to both
of them. Fred and George said they wouldíve given up the joke shop to
be in the Great Hall when they got those."

Iím not laughing. Iím remembering
the time we shared a secret tryst in the broom shed. When Percy transfigured
a broom into a bed and conjured up a cover of rose petals, it took my
breath away. I smile at the memory.

"Thereís a good girl, "
Percyís voice breaks into my revelry. "Thereíll be plenty of time for,
wellÖyou knowÖ"

"When?" We both startle
at the forcefulness of my word.

Percy takes a swig of his
goblet before asking, "What do you mean, when?" He follows his question
with a patronizing smile that is too much for me.

"I mean when will you get
your priorities in order, Percival Weasley!"

His voice matches mine
in intensity now, "Penny, thereís a war going on. My job is vital to the
resistance. Iím needed."

"Itís not like youíre Harry
Potter." The look on Percyís face confirms that Iíve hit a nerve. Heís
always had a bit of a jealous streak when it comes to Harry. He takes
a few seconds to control himself before he responds.

"Not everything is about
Harry Potter. I have no idea why youíre being so unreasonable, but I donít
like it. Mother would never make such frivolous demands on Fatherís time.
Mum understands. But if it makes you feel any better, Iíll look
at my calendar when I get back to the office and owl you back with a date."
He smiles magnanimously, "There, will that do?"

Iím struck dumb by the
callousness of his remark, and gape at him incredulously before answering
him.

"Donít-bother," I say both
words slowly and clearly, pushing my chair back from the table and walking
away from the man Iíve loved since I was fifteen years old.

Outside the pub itís dusk
and the air hits me with a cold, clear crispness that I breath in deeply.
I look up at a nearby tree where a couple of birds are twittering softly
as they settle in for the night. I remember wanting to be a bird when
I first heard about animagi. Then we studied them in class and I found
out that transforming into a bird means you have the brain of a bird.
It doesnít matter anymore, I tell myself. Because even though I donít
have wings, for the first time in six years I feel like I can fly. Just
as Percy rushes out the door of the pub, I spread my arms like wings and
Disapparate away before his stunned face.

And though my love is rare
And though my love is true, yeah
Hey Iím just scared
That we may fall through
Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah

Iím like a bird, Iíll only
fly away
I donít know where my soul is
I donít know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Iím like a birdÖ

//

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