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Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Graven Image! I like that this is going along at a steady, not-fucking-around clip; it doesn't drag, nor does it go too quickly, so the balance is there. What's missing are...characters! What gives Homestuck such charm is its cast of characters and their interactions; without them, it would be like reading Problem Sleuth 2.0, except far more confusing, and the end product would be much less interesting than what we've got. That's the issue with your fic, I think. You've got characters--use them! Let them talk, interact, have thoughts, etc. Even if you have to accomplish this through pesterlog instead of standard dialogue (which you've been doing since they're in the same area), it would improve your fic like a thousandfold. Characters are (usually) the vehicles through which readers come to care about the plot. Without that interface, it will be hard to get readers engaged.

VR! I really love the little playground that Impermanence sets up, knowing that all these scenarios are stories from Jade's head; that one bit of knowledge makes it much easier to get into some wildly different AUs with no issues. The kids as Noir-style villains is such a fun mental image, but I honest to god think my favorite part of the story is this one tiny little insignificant bit: Dave's accent. My headcanon has Dave always hiding a twinge of a Texan accent, and seeing something similar in another fic makes me do this weird giddy 8 year old clapping thing. (It makes me feel so ridiculous.) The only part that was hard to get into was Jade's accent, which adds to how it sounds mentally at the huge cost of readability. I had to stop and go "wait what the crap is she saying--oh" a few times, which was a bit of a speedbump. Other than that, though, good work. I love me some cute Dave/Jade!

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Hey, um, i don't really have anything to contribute except that VagabondRaiser, your fics (plural!!!) are awesome and I can't wait to see more of Flavors and Impermanence. Jade's dialogue was a little hard to read, but I just ended up sounding it out out loud. I love the fact that they robbed Vriska's jewelry store.

Graven_Images, you've done a great job setting up the situation! But it's like sarasvati said, you should flesh out the characters a little more. I can't wait for the next part!

also um i might have done some art for some of the fics here and here. maybe.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Originally Posted by VagabondRaiser

As for Equius auto-parrying the hammer with his face, it woulda gone something like this:

Karkat gave a resigned sigh, and lowered his head, trying to screw up the courage to explain it. Even now, with the entire matter of blood hierarchy out the window due to the fact that there were only twelve trolls left, he still hated talking about it.

Luckily for him, he didn't have a chance to.

Before he could say anything, the door came off its' hinges. Equius had barely a second to remember that the door to Karkat's room opened in the other direction before a red square object connected with his face with severe force, launching him backwards into the hall; his head struck the opposite wall hard enough to put a sizable dent in it.

A shrill yelp from the other side indicated that Sollux had been sitting against the wall reading a book, and now had a massive headache for his troubles.

Karkat stared, wide-eyed, first at the empty doorway, then at John, standing at the ready with the Wrinklefucker in hand, having already thrown the Fear No Anvil like a tomahawk.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Reading all this stuff lately about troll romances, I've just realised something about the way I write John and Rose, particularly in Light: they're moirails. Partly because I'm loathe to do anything romantic what with them being 13 and all, mostly because it really does fit: John is concerned about Rose's wellbeing if she sets out to break the game on her own, Rose is concerned about John's wellbeing if he and the others team up with her on it. In another sense, John is crazy on the surface but sane underneath, while Rose is sane on the surface but crazy underneath, so they both have to do some stablising and complementing for each other.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Originally Posted by PaulPower

Reading all this stuff lately about troll romances, I've just realised something about the way I write John and Rose, particularly in Light: they're moirails. Partly because I'm loathe to do anything romantic what with them being 13 and all, mostly because it really does fit: John is concerned about Rose's wellbeing if she sets out to break the game on her own, Rose is concerned about John's wellbeing if he and the others team up with her on it. In another sense, John is crazy on the surface but sane underneath, while Rose is sane on the surface but crazy underneath, so they both have to do some stablising and complementing for each other.

I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling. Thoughts?

I think it's very easy to read a Morail relationship into John and Rose! It makes a good deal of sense to me.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

*this joke has never been done before and is extremely topical, right? RIGHT?

"No, no no no no no. No." Vriska looked as though she was about to begin slapping Tavros at any moment as she towered above him. He was sitting down in his terminal's chair, the central room of the lab vacant of anyone who might be able to rescue him. Though he now had working legs, Vriska still dominated him physically as she leaned over, scowling down upon the frightened Troll.

"This is what we do," she went on. "You are so stupid! Why are you so stupid? Tell me, Tavros! Tell me why you're so stupid!"

"I'm sorry," Tavros said, looking away, "I just figured ... since there are no Imperial Drones anymore that ... well, maybe we didn't have to worry about all this, uh, romance stuff. You know? It's so confusing."

Her brow was furrowed in anger. "Tavros this is what we are MEANT TO DO! Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?! It's a ... it's a biological imperative! Stop denying nature!"

"Really?" Tavros looked back to her. "I always thought it was just so we weren't culled."

Vriska let out a growling sigh as she threw her hands up. "You idiot! Think about it! How did the Imperial Drones get created in the first place? Do you think they just popped into existence, or do you think that maybe their desire for romantic encounters themselves lead to their own propagation?!"

Tavros fiddled with his fingers nervously as he thought. "Uhh ... I actually ... have no idea where the Drones came from. That is kind of a complicated issue, I think... Aren't they a different species? I've never seen one so I don't really know... I know a lot of species on Alternia but ... they're confusing."

"BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE!" she yelled.

"Okay!" Tavros sunk away from the girl meekly. "Sorry, Vriska, I'm just ... nervous. The last time that you -- that you kissed me, you kind of also ... threw me on the ground ... really hard."

"I was dealing with a lot of things, OK? Girl things. Girl things are complicated. Shut the hell up."

"S-Sorry ..."

"Ugh," Vriska's anger was flowing into boredom, which was never good for Tavros. "Your apologies aren't exactly getting me in the mood for romance."

His brain flared up with the urge to apologize once more. He held it in.

"So ... what should I do?"

"Maybe try wooing me with something OTHER than acting like you have zero interest in doing this?"

"Oh! No, I have interest!" Tavros sputtered, unsure of his feelings himself. "I mean, it's nice, but ... you still ... scare me a little. Maybe ... maybe we should practice with other people first?"

"What?!"

Tavros' eyes went wide. "Uh--"

"You moron! Stand up right now. We are doing this. We are DOING THIS TAVROS, WE ARE DOING THIS NOW."

Vriska was not yet used to the new appendages Tavros had acquired. It had been a long time since he stood in front of her properly. He had grown since they last played FLARP together, and he now stood much taller than the girl. She hid her surprise as she had to look up to meet his gaze, which he quickly dropped.

"Okay, so ..." Tavros awkwardly placed his hands on the girl's shoulders and brought his body closer to her, catching her off guard. Her face began to grow blue, though Tavros was busily occupied with placing his large metal feet properly. When he looked up, Vriska changed her shocked expression to one of a more familiar anger.

"I-Idiot, don't crush my feet with those hooves of yours!"

"Sorry. What should I do now?"

"What do you mean?!"

Tavros had been flushed himself for some time, but his color seemed to deepen as he looked down at the girl. "O-Oh, uhh ... I didn't ... Sorry ... Uhh,"

With his eyes focused firmly on the wall to his side, Tavros quickly forced his face toward hers, smashing their foreheads together and missing her lips by miles.

"Holy hell!" Vriska cried, rubbing her forehead as Tavros clung to her shoulders, his fingers digging in as he let out a stream of apologies. "You are fucking worthless!"

"I'm sorry! Sorry!"

"I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"N-no, I never said that!"

"Moron!"

"Y-You did it last time, Vriska ... I ... I was ... I kind of don't remember a lot of it."

"WHAT?!"

"I mean -- uhh, because I, I had crashed into your room! I hit my head! It hurt!"

"You are the WORST!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Okay COME HERE. I will teach you the way I have to teach you how to do everything in your pathetic life. God, you are SO LUCKY you have me around, I literally cannot imagine anyone else who could put up with your shit all the time!"

Tavros relaxed his posture as he took a deep, reassuring breath. "Okay..."

Vriska shifted in place, attempting to appear as mature and professional as she could muster, suppressing her own nervousness with her trademark excessive bravado. "Okay, first, get your huge face down here!"

Tavros complied, uncomfortably leaning forward until they were level. He kept his eyes on the floor as he hunched toward her.

"Okay, so, now ... okay, I'm going to kiss you and --- you just FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK? Try not to fuck it up TOO badly."

"I'll try, Vriska, but I--"

Vriska forcefully planted a kiss on Tavros,' her lips a full inch from her face as she over-puckered in an attempt to mimic what she had seen in the movies. It was much better the first time, she thought, when there wasn't so much stupid pressure from such stupid people!

Tavros met the girl gently, relaxing into the awkward embrace as best he could. He attempted to match her motions, and his lips, arguably much softer and more receptive than Vriska’s, parted over her upper lip as he pressed closer to her. The girl's eyes went wide.

"OW!" Tavros fell back from the girl, his hand over his mouth. "You bit me!"

"What?" Vriska looked surprised.

"Why did you bite me?!"

"I told you to follow my lead! It's called making out, shithead!"

"Vriska, I don't think you're supposed to bite--"

"What do you know about making out?!" she snapped. "Come on, tell me how many people you've done it with! List them! Right now!"

"Uh..."

"Exactly! You are completely inexperienced AND stupid!"

"S-sorry ..."

She seemed flustered. "You -- You should be!"

"Should I ... bite you back?"

Vriska eyed the wall nervously as she thought. "No. No! Of course not! Only the girls get to bite. Guys enjoy it more!"

"Oh ... okay." Tavros looked disappointed.

"Okay, come here, we're going to do it again and you're going to get it right this time!"

"Wow," was all Karkat could think to say as he watched the debacle unfold from the safety of the dark hallway, out of the horrific couple's sight.

"I think I see blood," Sollux said quietly from his side.

"We are surrounded by fucking morons."

"It's so horrible, but I can't look away. It's mesmerizing in its awfulness."

A pathetic squeak came from the room as Vriska's metal hand clawed into the side of her prey.

Karkat shook his head sadly. "Hasn't life shit on Tavros enough?"

"He is basically god's toilet bowl at this point."

"It's pretty sad. How do you NOT know how to kiss someone, anyway? They're both idiots."

Sollux made the nasal sound he often did when he held back a laugh. "Yeah, because YOU are quite the expert."

"Fuck you. I know more than you do."

"I doubt that."

Karkat looked to his friend, who slowly returned the gaze, an uncomfortable expression on his face. They stared at each other for a brief moment before Karkat sneered violently.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Originally Posted by PaulPower

Reading all this stuff lately about troll romances, I've just realised something about the way I write John and Rose, particularly in Light: they're moirails. Partly because I'm loathe to do anything romantic what with them being 13 and all, mostly because it really does fit: John is concerned about Rose's wellbeing if she sets out to break the game on her own, Rose is concerned about John's wellbeing if he and the others team up with her on it. In another sense, John is crazy on the surface but sane underneath, while Rose is sane on the surface but crazy underneath, so they both have to do some stablising and complementing for each other.

I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling. Thoughts?

I think that their ages could come into play a bit here. Romance isn't something that comes all that natural to 13 yr olds and John is kinda thick when it comes to realizing stuff. I usually just think of John as unaware with Rose the more knowing between them (I usually play this aspect up with Rose being 'shy' (though not carrying the usual worry-wart connotations; just unwilling to admit any feeling she might have for John but in a more controlled and rational way)). I think that a lot of what we would consider moirails is just a part of human romance. I think the best relationships are ones that both carry love as well as a balancing between the partners. How many times have we heard "I love my husband; he's my best friend" or "I love my wife; she's my best friend" etc when successful couples describe their relationship? I think John and Rose do act perfectly to compliment one another; it's part of what makes their non-canon totally-in-my-mind relationship work. John brings a brighter, more open attitude to Rose while Rose helps bring out his passionate side and direct him towards focusing on more serious matters. The trolls, if anything, would probably have trouble placing them between moirail and matesprit; some weird funky middle zone that incorporates both qualities.

*this joke has never been done before and is extremely topical, right? RIGHT?

"No, no no no no no. No." Vriska looked as though she was about to begin slapping Tavros at any moment as she towered above him. He was sitting down in his terminal's chair, the central room of the lab vacant of anyone who might be able to rescue him. Though he now had working legs, Vriska still dominated him physically as she leaned over, scowling down upon the frightened Troll.

"This is what we do," she went on. "You are so stupid! Why are you so stupid? Tell me, Tavros! Tell me why you're so stupid!"

"I'm sorry," Tavros said, looking away, "I just figured ... since there are no Imperial Drones anymore that ... well, maybe we didn't have to worry about all this, uh, romance stuff. You know? It's so confusing."

Her brow was furrowed in anger. "Tavros this is what we are MEANT TO DO! Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?! It's a ... it's a biological imperative! Stop denying nature!"

"Really?" Tavros looked back to her. "I always thought it was just so we weren't culled."

Vriska let out a growling sigh as she threw her hands up. "You idiot! Think about it! How did the Imperial Drones get created in the first place? Do you think they just popped into existence, or do you think that maybe their desire for romantic encounters themselves lead to their own propagation?!"

Tavros fiddled with his fingers nervously as he thought. "Uhh ... I actually ... have no idea where the Drones came from. That is kind of a complicated issue, I think... Aren't they a different species? I've never seen one so I don't really know... I know a lot of species on Alternia but ... they're confusing."

"BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE!" she yelled.

"Okay!" Tavros sunk away from the girl meekly. "Sorry, Vriska, I'm just ... nervous. The last time that you -- that you kissed me, you kind of also ... threw me on the ground ... really hard."

"I was dealing with a lot of things, OK? Girl things. Girl things are complicated. Shut the hell up."

"S-Sorry ..."

"Ugh," Vriska's anger was flowing into boredom, which was never good for Tavros. Your apologies aren't exactly getting me in the mood for romance."

He brain flared up with the urge to apologize once more. He held it in.

"So ... what should I do?"

"Maybe try wooing me with something OTHER than acting like you have zero interest in doing this?"

"Oh! No, I have interest!" Tavros sputtered, unsure of his feelings himself. "I mean, it's nice, but ... you still ... scare me a little. Maybe ... maybe we should practice with other people first?"

"What?!"

Tavros' eyes went wide. "Uh--"

"You moron! Stand up right now. We are doing this. We are DOING THIS TAVROS, WE ARE DOING THIS NOW."

Vriska was not yet used to the new appendages Tavros had acquired. It had been a long time since he stood in front of her properly. He had grown since they last played FLARP together, and he now stood much taller than the girl. She hid her surprise as she had to look up to meet his gaze, which he quickly dropped.

"Okay, so ..." Tavros awkwardly placed his hands on the girl's shoulders and brought his body closer to her, catching her off guard. Her face began to grow blue, though Tavros was busily occupied with placing his large metal feet properly. When he looked up, Vriska changed her shocked expression to one of a more familiar anger.

"I-Idiot, don't crush my feet with those hooves of yours!"

"Sorry. What should I do now?"

"What do you mean?!"

Tavros had been flushed himself for some time, but his color seemed to deepen as he looked down at the girl. "O-Oh, uhh ... I didn't ... Sorry ... Uhh,"

With his eyes focused firmly on the wall to his side, Tavros quickly forced his face toward hers, smashing their foreheads together and missing her lips by miles.

"Holy hell!" Vriska cried, rubbing her forehead as Tavros clung to her shoulders, his fingers digging in as he let out a stream of apologies. "You are fucking worthless!"

"I'm sorry! Sorry!"

"I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"N-no, I never said that!"

"Moron!"

"Y-You did it last time, Vriska ... I ... I was ... I kind of don't remember a lot of it."

"WHAT?!"

"I mean -- uhh, because I, I had crashed into your room! I hit my head! It hurt!"

"You are the WORST!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Okay COME HERE. I will teach you the way I have to teach you how to do everything in your pathetic life. God, you are SO LUCKY you have me around, I literally cannot imagine anyone else who could put up with your shit all the time!"

Tavros relaxed his posture as he took a deep, reassuring breath. "Okay..."

Vriska shifted in place, attempting to appear as mature and professional as she could muster, suppressing her own nervousness with her trademark excessive bravado. "Okay, first, get your huge face down here!"

Tavros complied, uncomfortably leaning forward until they were level. He kept his eyes on the floor as he hunched toward her.

"Okay, so, now ... okay, I'm going to kiss you and --- you just FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK? Try not to fuck it up TOO badly."

"I'll try, Vriska, but I--"

Vriska forcefully planted a kiss on Tavros,' her lips a full inch from her face as she over-puckered in an attempt to mimic what she had seen in the movies. It was much better the first time, she thought, when there wasn't so much stupid pressure from such stupid people!

Tavros met the girl gently, relaxing into the awkward embrace as best he could. He attempted to match her motions, and his lips, arguably much softer and more receptive than Vriska’s, parted over her upper lip as he pressed closer to her. The girl's eyes went wide.

"OW!" Tavros fell back from the girl, his hand over his mouth. "You bit me!"

"What?" Vriska looked surprised.

"Why did you bite me?!"

"I told you to follow my lead! It's called making out, shithead!"

"Vriska, I don't think you're supposed to bite--"

"What do you know about making out?!" she snapped. "Come on, tell me how many people you've done it with! List them! Right now!"

"Uh..."

"Exactly! You are completely inexperienced AND stupid!"

"S-sorry ..."

She seemed flustered. "You -- You should be!"

"Should I ... bite you back?"

Vriska eyed the wall nervously as she thought. "No. No! Of course not! Only the girls get to bite. Guys enjoy it more!"

"Oh ... okay." Tavros looked disappointed.

"Okay, come here, we're going to do it again and you're going to get it right this time!"

"Wow," was all Karkat could think to say as he watched the debacle unfold from the safety of the dark hallway, out of the horrific couple's sight.

"I think I see blood," Sollux said quietly from his side.

"We are surrounded by fucking morons."

"It's so horrible, but I can't look away. It's mesmerizing in its awfulness."

A pathetic squeak came from the room as Vriska's metal hand clawed into the side of her prey.

Karkat shook his head sadly. "Hasn't life shit on Tavros enough?"

"He is basically god's toilet bowl at this point."

"It's pretty sad. How do you NOT know how to kiss someone, anyway? They're both idiots."

Sollux made the nasal sound he often did when he held back a laugh. "Yeah, because YOU are quite the expert."

"Fuck you. I know more than you do."

"I doubt that."

Karkat looked to his friend, who slowly returned the gaze, an uncomfortable expression on his face. They stared at each other for a brief moment before Karkat sneered violently.

*this joke has never been done before and is extremely topical, right? RIGHT?

"No, no no no no no. No." Vriska looked as though she was about to begin slapping Tavros at any moment as she towered above him. He was sitting down in his terminal's chair, the central room of the lab vacant of anyone who might be able to rescue him. Though he now had working legs, Vriska still dominated him physically as she leaned over, scowling down upon the frightened Troll.

"This is what we do," she went on. "You are so stupid! Why are you so stupid? Tell me, Tavros! Tell me why you're so stupid!"

"I'm sorry," Tavros said, looking away, "I just figured ... since there are no Imperial Drones anymore that ... well, maybe we didn't have to worry about all this, uh, romance stuff. You know? It's so confusing."

Her brow was furrowed in anger. "Tavros this is what we are MEANT TO DO! Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?! It's a ... it's a biological imperative! Stop denying nature!"

"Really?" Tavros looked back to her. "I always thought it was just so we weren't culled."

Vriska let out a growling sigh as she threw her hands up. "You idiot! Think about it! How did the Imperial Drones get created in the first place? Do you think they just popped into existence, or do you think that maybe their desire for romantic encounters themselves lead to their own propagation?!"

Tavros fiddled with his fingers nervously as he thought. "Uhh ... I actually ... have no idea where the Drones came from. That is kind of a complicated issue, I think... Aren't they a different species? I've never seen one so I don't really know... I know a lot of species on Alternia but ... they're confusing."

"BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE!" she yelled.

"Okay!" Tavros sunk away from the girl meekly. "Sorry, Vriska, I'm just ... nervous. The last time that you -- that you kissed me, you kind of also ... threw me on the ground ... really hard."

"I was dealing with a lot of things, OK? Girl things. Girl things are complicated. Shut the hell up."

"S-Sorry ..."

"Ugh," Vriska's anger was flowing into boredom, which was never good for Tavros. Your apologies aren't exactly getting me in the mood for romance."

He brain flared up with the urge to apologize once more. He held it in.

"So ... what should I do?"

"Maybe try wooing me with something OTHER than acting like you have zero interest in doing this?"

"Oh! No, I have interest!" Tavros sputtered, unsure of his feelings himself. "I mean, it's nice, but ... you still ... scare me a little. Maybe ... maybe we should practice with other people first?"

"What?!"

Tavros' eyes went wide. "Uh--"

"You moron! Stand up right now. We are doing this. We are DOING THIS TAVROS, WE ARE DOING THIS NOW."

Vriska was not yet used to the new appendages Tavros had acquired. It had been a long time since he stood in front of her properly. He had grown since they last played FLARP together, and he now stood much taller than the girl. She hid her surprise as she had to look up to meet his gaze, which he quickly dropped.

"Okay, so ..." Tavros awkwardly placed his hands on the girl's shoulders and brought his body closer to her, catching her off guard. Her face began to grow blue, though Tavros was busily occupied with placing his large metal feet properly. When he looked up, Vriska changed her shocked expression to one of a more familiar anger.

"I-Idiot, don't crush my feet with those hooves of yours!"

"Sorry. What should I do now?"

"What do you mean?!"

Tavros had been flushed himself for some time, but his color seemed to deepen as he looked down at the girl. "O-Oh, uhh ... I didn't ... Sorry ... Uhh,"

With his eyes focused firmly on the wall to his side, Tavros quickly forced his face toward hers, smashing their foreheads together and missing her lips by miles.

"Holy hell!" Vriska cried, rubbing her forehead as Tavros clung to her shoulders, his fingers digging in as he let out a stream of apologies. "You are fucking worthless!"

"I'm sorry! Sorry!"

"I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"N-no, I never said that!"

"Moron!"

"Y-You did it last time, Vriska ... I ... I was ... I kind of don't remember a lot of it."

"WHAT?!"

"I mean -- uhh, because I, I had crashed into your room! I hit my head! It hurt!"

"You are the WORST!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Okay COME HERE. I will teach you the way I have to teach you how to do everything in your pathetic life. God, you are SO LUCKY you have me around, I literally cannot imagine anyone else who could put up with your shit all the time!"

Tavros relaxed his posture as he took a deep, reassuring breath. "Okay..."

Vriska shifted in place, attempting to appear as mature and professional as she could muster, suppressing her own nervousness with her trademark excessive bravado. "Okay, first, get your huge face down here!"

Tavros complied, uncomfortably leaning forward until they were level. He kept his eyes on the floor as he hunched toward her.

"Okay, so, now ... okay, I'm going to kiss you and --- you just FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK? Try not to fuck it up TOO badly."

"I'll try, Vriska, but I--"

Vriska forcefully planted a kiss on Tavros,' her lips a full inch from her face as she over-puckered in an attempt to mimic what she had seen in the movies. It was much better the first time, she thought, when there wasn't so much stupid pressure from such stupid people!

Tavros met the girl gently, relaxing into the awkward embrace as best he could. He attempted to match her motions, and his lips, arguably much softer and more receptive than Vriska’s, parted over her upper lip as he pressed closer to her. The girl's eyes went wide.

"OW!" Tavros fell back from the girl, his hand over his mouth. "You bit me!"

"What?" Vriska looked surprised.

"Why did you bite me?!"

"I told you to follow my lead! It's called making out, shithead!"

"Vriska, I don't think you're supposed to bite--"

"What do you know about making out?!" she snapped. "Come on, tell me how many people you've done it with! List them! Right now!"

"Uh..."

"Exactly! You are completely inexperienced AND stupid!"

"S-sorry ..."

She seemed flustered. "You -- You should be!"

"Should I ... bite you back?"

Vriska eyed the wall nervously as she thought. "No. No! Of course not! Only the girls get to bite. Guys enjoy it more!"

"Oh ... okay." Tavros looked disappointed.

"Okay, come here, we're going to do it again and you're going to get it right this time!"

"Wow," was all Karkat could think to say as he watched the debacle unfold from the safety of the dark hallway, out of the horrific couple's sight.

"I think I see blood," Sollux said quietly from his side.

"We are surrounded by fucking morons."

"It's so horrible, but I can't look away. It's mesmerizing in its awfulness."

A pathetic squeak came from the room as Vriska's metal hand clawed into the side of her prey.

Karkat shook his head sadly. "Hasn't life shit on Tavros enough?"

"He is basically god's toilet bowl at this point."

"It's pretty sad. How do you NOT know how to kiss someone, anyway? They're both idiots."

Sollux made the nasal sound he often did when he held back a laugh. "Yeah, because YOU are quite the expert."

"Fuck you. I know more than you do."

"I doubt that."

Karkat looked to his friend, who slowly returned the gaze, an uncomfortable expression on his face. They stared at each other for a brief moment before Karkat sneered violently.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Graven Image: I totally understand! In-depth conversations wouldn't be necessary, but the best part about stories is that time is always relative, so you can squeeze in thoughts, feelings, etc. But I believe you when you say you'll get around to characterizing them, and I look forward to it.

nV: totally unrelated to fics but have I mentioned that I love your style? Just really crisp and clean with such neat coloring, and I have a huge appreciation for traditional media. So cool.

breccia: okay tavros/vriska squicks me in that abusive relationship way even when it's supposed to be funny but I have to admit, I laughed. Especially at Vriska's "Girl things. Girl things are complicated."

Paul, I totally get what you mean, but I think Lotus put it in a really good light that I agree with. They're 13 and just kind of figuring things out; it would be so unrealistic for them to be like super "we were meant to be together" romantic at that age! (I mean, how many married adult couples do you know who can say 'yeah we've been together since 8th grade'?) Moirallegiance as a concept is a fated, unbreakable friendship, and while trolls try to find different people to fill different relationship needs (as in "there's exactly one morail for me," and being the exactly one morail precludes that troll from being anything else), humans are more likely to combine them. In that light, Rose and John acting like moirails is almost just like a precursor to a romantic relationship when they're older. The longest-lasting relationships do tend to be built on really solid friendships.

*this joke has never been done before and is extremely topical, right? RIGHT?

"No, no no no no no. No." Vriska looked as though she was about to begin slapping Tavros at any moment as she towered above him. He was sitting down in his terminal's chair, the central room of the lab vacant of anyone who might be able to rescue him. Though he now had working legs, Vriska still dominated him physically as she leaned over, scowling down upon the frightened Troll.

"This is what we do," she went on. "You are so stupid! Why are you so stupid? Tell me, Tavros! Tell me why you're so stupid!"

"I'm sorry," Tavros said, looking away, "I just figured ... since there are no Imperial Drones anymore that ... well, maybe we didn't have to worry about all this, uh, romance stuff. You know? It's so confusing."

Her brow was furrowed in anger. "Tavros this is what we are MEANT TO DO! Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?! It's a ... it's a biological imperative! Stop denying nature!"

"Really?" Tavros looked back to her. "I always thought it was just so we weren't culled."

Vriska let out a growling sigh as she threw her hands up. "You idiot! Think about it! How did the Imperial Drones get created in the first place? Do you think they just popped into existence, or do you think that maybe their desire for romantic encounters themselves lead to their own propagation?!"

Tavros fiddled with his fingers nervously as he thought. "Uhh ... I actually ... have no idea where the Drones came from. That is kind of a complicated issue, I think... Aren't they a different species? I've never seen one so I don't really know... I know a lot of species on Alternia but ... they're confusing."

"BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE!" she yelled.

"Okay!" Tavros sunk away from the girl meekly. "Sorry, Vriska, I'm just ... nervous. The last time that you -- that you kissed me, you kind of also ... threw me on the ground ... really hard."

"I was dealing with a lot of things, OK? Girl things. Girl things are complicated. Shut the hell up."

"S-Sorry ..."

"Ugh," Vriska's anger was flowing into boredom, which was never good for Tavros. Your apologies aren't exactly getting me in the mood for romance."

He brain flared up with the urge to apologize once more. He held it in.

"So ... what should I do?"

"Maybe try wooing me with something OTHER than acting like you have zero interest in doing this?"

"Oh! No, I have interest!" Tavros sputtered, unsure of his feelings himself. "I mean, it's nice, but ... you still ... scare me a little. Maybe ... maybe we should practice with other people first?"

"What?!"

Tavros' eyes went wide. "Uh--"

"You moron! Stand up right now. We are doing this. We are DOING THIS TAVROS, WE ARE DOING THIS NOW."

Vriska was not yet used to the new appendages Tavros had acquired. It had been a long time since he stood in front of her properly. He had grown since they last played FLARP together, and he now stood much taller than the girl. She hid her surprise as she had to look up to meet his gaze, which he quickly dropped.

"Okay, so ..." Tavros awkwardly placed his hands on the girl's shoulders and brought his body closer to her, catching her off guard. Her face began to grow blue, though Tavros was busily occupied with placing his large metal feet properly. When he looked up, Vriska changed her shocked expression to one of a more familiar anger.

"I-Idiot, don't crush my feet with those hooves of yours!"

"Sorry. What should I do now?"

"What do you mean?!"

Tavros had been flushed himself for some time, but his color seemed to deepen as he looked down at the girl. "O-Oh, uhh ... I didn't ... Sorry ... Uhh,"

With his eyes focused firmly on the wall to his side, Tavros quickly forced his face toward hers, smashing their foreheads together and missing her lips by miles.

"Holy hell!" Vriska cried, rubbing her forehead as Tavros clung to her shoulders, his fingers digging in as he let out a stream of apologies. "You are fucking worthless!"

"I'm sorry! Sorry!"

"I thought you knew what you were doing!"

"N-no, I never said that!"

"Moron!"

"Y-You did it last time, Vriska ... I ... I was ... I kind of don't remember a lot of it."

"WHAT?!"

"I mean -- uhh, because I, I had crashed into your room! I hit my head! It hurt!"

"You are the WORST!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Okay COME HERE. I will teach you the way I have to teach you how to do everything in your pathetic life. God, you are SO LUCKY you have me around, I literally cannot imagine anyone else who could put up with your shit all the time!"

Tavros relaxed his posture as he took a deep, reassuring breath. "Okay..."

Vriska shifted in place, attempting to appear as mature and professional as she could muster, suppressing her own nervousness with her trademark excessive bravado. "Okay, first, get your huge face down here!"

Tavros complied, uncomfortably leaning forward until they were level. He kept his eyes on the floor as he hunched toward her.

"Okay, so, now ... okay, I'm going to kiss you and --- you just FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK? Try not to fuck it up TOO badly."

"I'll try, Vriska, but I--"

Vriska forcefully planted a kiss on Tavros,' her lips a full inch from her face as she over-puckered in an attempt to mimic what she had seen in the movies. It was much better the first time, she thought, when there wasn't so much stupid pressure from such stupid people!

Tavros met the girl gently, relaxing into the awkward embrace as best he could. He attempted to match her motions, and his lips, arguably much softer and more receptive than Vriska’s, parted over her upper lip as he pressed closer to her. The girl's eyes went wide.

"OW!" Tavros fell back from the girl, his hand over his mouth. "You bit me!"

"What?" Vriska looked surprised.

"Why did you bite me?!"

"I told you to follow my lead! It's called making out, shithead!"

"Vriska, I don't think you're supposed to bite--"

"What do you know about making out?!" she snapped. "Come on, tell me how many people you've done it with! List them! Right now!"

"Uh..."

"Exactly! You are completely inexperienced AND stupid!"

"S-sorry ..."

She seemed flustered. "You -- You should be!"

"Should I ... bite you back?"

Vriska eyed the wall nervously as she thought. "No. No! Of course not! Only the girls get to bite. Guys enjoy it more!"

"Oh ... okay." Tavros looked disappointed.

"Okay, come here, we're going to do it again and you're going to get it right this time!"

"Wow," was all Karkat could think to say as he watched the debacle unfold from the safety of the dark hallway, out of the horrific couple's sight.

"I think I see blood," Sollux said quietly from his side.

"We are surrounded by fucking morons."

"It's so horrible, but I can't look away. It's mesmerizing in its awfulness."

A pathetic squeak came from the room as Vriska's metal hand clawed into the side of her prey.

Karkat shook his head sadly. "Hasn't life shit on Tavros enough?"

"He is basically god's toilet bowl at this point."

"It's pretty sad. How do you NOT know how to kiss someone, anyway? They're both idiots."

Sollux made the nasal sound he often did when he held back a laugh. "Yeah, because YOU are quite the expert."

"Fuck you. I know more than you do."

"I doubt that."

Karkat looked to his friend, who slowly returned the gaze, an uncomfortable expression on his face. They stared at each other for a brief moment before Karkat sneered violently.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Okay, arguably this should probably go in a separate thread because it's not necessarily prose, but then I don't really have the hubris to do so.

Ever since I heard the words "Alternian Slam Poetry" I've been thinking about this. And when I saw what happened that crippled Tavros, I started writing this. It wasn't until today though that I found the gumption to finish it and just post it, regardless of what I think of the damn thing. The thing is, I used to primarily write poetry before I came here. So I guess this is also an homage to my older stuff.

Here's "The Steepest Hill," from the perspective of Tavros.

Beneath a windmill and the night sky
I dressed in an outfit of felt and a feather
Of hopes and dreams and the yearning to fly
Was flung off of a cliff because I could not decide
Between certain death and the absolute end.

And it wasn't, but it was, and if it isn't then it might have been
Because you don't need legs to fly but you need something, someone
To carry your dreams and if no one will do it for you
You must take them up in a wheelbarrow
And take them into town like crops reaped for the season
To sell them to spiders in the dark.

And she may tell you that she loves you, that she hates you
That she can't conceive of a world without you in it
Because she's in it to win it and you can't begin to win without a loser
She wants you to choose her because you don't have any choice
She wants to take away your mind and make you say yes with your own voice
But you know and she knows that the hate isn't there and if there's love it doesn't care
Because nothing prospers upon these strands of spider web.

Your feelings ebb and flow, why should you know what to do
Or where to go, why is it up to you to forever brave this thing
That has you wanting to run for home
This terror eightfold that makes you want to reach out and grab and hold of
Whatever it is, whoever it is, that knows the truth of how you deal
That knows those hard nights with your hands upon the wheels
Burning against the rubber when your grip slips away from it
As you push yourself up a hill so steep that it's a miracle you even see daylight
Above the crest of the grass when sun finally rises on another day of, what,
The solitude of your own room and the comfort of colored text
From miles away from friends who are there for you but aren't here when you need them
And you wonder then if giving up is the right thing to do.

You would get no satisfaction out of it but it would steal that feeling from her lips
That grin might fade away, that same one that haunts you in the day
Long after you awake and long after you fall asleep
So maybe that hill isn't so steep but instead just steep enough
But.

But there are friends, and they say friendship is a disease
But they don't say it with conviction, and sometimes they say please
Before they ask you to do things that would have the beasts run from your side
But your friends feel pride, you can feel it in the current of their thoughts
And know that when they ought to help they are frought with worry
Even when your eyes are blurry and you don't have the shoulder you need
Because you're diseased, but that's not the affliction that they see.

But you're not "you" because I am this, this restricted thing that longs for sky
I don't care if I have to become a verb incarnate just to fly
I am going to escape these damn confines
And meet the clouds with my own eyes.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Hey gaiz!
What am I doing back in this thread?
I don't knooooow.

They had set up their base at Kanaya's. In the end it was the most convenient location for them to all gather. "Gather" was a loose term, as there were usually only half of them around at a time. Quests or arguments always led one or another to leave for a time to level on their own.

The time until facing the Black King was drawing near, and all the trolls were preparing for the trials ahead. Tavros was still getting used to his new legs, and others were honing their skills and alchemizing ultimate weapons if they hadn't already.

All the trolls currently at the base were gathered out in the hall in front of one room. The mood was tense, silent other than the muffled yells that came every so often from behind the door.

Karkat was pacing all up and down the hall, to agitated to sit still. Equius at first glance seemed calmer, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, but the amount of sweat he was producing suggested otherwise. Tavros was a little down the hall, staring up at the ceiling nervously, distracting himself with the brightly colored drapings.

A sniffle broke the silence right before another round of muffled yelling sounded. Nepeta was hugging her knees tightly, staring at the ground. She tilted her head up timidly, looking around at everyone else before looking down again.

"Wh-why does he have to do th-this?" Another sniffle and she rubbed at her nose and eyes. "H-he sounds h-hurt..."

A bit of silence, then Equius cleared his throat before responding, "He was the one to agree to it first... He wants to do it." He wiped his forehead and neck with one of the spare towels he brought.

Tavros winced as another round of yells began, this one sounding more pleading. "How... uh... how long does this... uh, usually take?"

No one in the hall had an answer to that and the silence resumed. The clack of the door opening caused everyone to jolt, all turning to Kanaya as she exited. She closed the door with a sigh.

"How is he?" Karkat was surprisingly the first to break the silence, hand fiddling with one of his sleeves.

"He's fallen asleep again, thankfully..." Kanaya pulled a lock of her hair away from her eyes, "His fever finally broke, so I think we're on the last legs of it," The entire group relaxed at that, "He's sweating so much though. I had to take off his makeup to keep it from making a mess on everything."

After a long pause Tavros spoke up, "I've, uh... I've never seen Gamzee without his makeup before..."

Karkat growled, "We'll be seeing a whole lot of new shit before this is over..."

"You all should get some rest," Kayana interjected, "I'll inform everyone when his condition changes."

A slow reaction of nods passed through the group and they began to vacate out of the hallway to their own claimed areas of Kayana's built up house.

It wasn't until the next morning when everyone was eating that she reappeared. Nepeta saw her first and jumped up, leaping over the table to rush to her. "How is he?? Is he okay?? What happened?? Is something wrong??"

A small smile tugged at Kayana's lips as she patted the other girl's shoulder, turning to look at the door she had just come through. "You should ask him."

Everyone instantly got to their feet when they saw another figure behind her. His face was hardly recognizable without his makeup on, his features no longer covered up in the thick goop. His eyes were focused and bright, no longer hazed over from the effects of the slime. Kayana had obviously attacked his hair with a brush, something she had threatened to do for a long time, as all the tangles were gone. He apparently had some wave to his hair, who knew?

The troll smiled a very Gamzee grin as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Man... I got this killer headache. Anybody have some Faygo?"

I dunno, I've been having this urge to write Gamzee sopor slime withdrawal fic lately.
CAN YOU TELL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

Arg, I'm so behind on this thread. :< I'm never going to catch up...

Orange -- Waaaaa that was really cool, I like that! I wish I could write poetry like I used to...

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

@Lotus, sarasvati: Yeah, fair enough. As I say, mostly just an observation about how I write them and the definition of moirallegiance and thinking "hahaha, that fits so well". Obviously it's different for trolls and humans so who knows where John and Rose will end up if they get through this stuff and reach adulthood without dying or being erased from time or having their memories wiped or something equally downer-ending-y (sure hope none of that happens by the way ).

(Saying that, it would actually kind of make sense for John to be clueless about such a thing even beyond his usual simpleness: Rose has a four month head start on him, and girls typically start taking an interest in that sort of thing earlier than boys).

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

VR: I can't say I've been following "Impermanence" closely, but I really enjoyed that last chapter. I love villain couples, and I love the idea of the kids being all fannish over the Midnight Crew universe, and this was just really adorable and well-done. Also you get a gold star for doing all that research for a story-within-a-story vignette.

Breccia: I normally avoid Vriska/Tavros, partly for the reasons Sarasvati alluded to, partly because it always makes me get all wibbly for Kanaya in the back of my mind. However, I love this. Your characterization is spot-on and continually reminds me why I love the Trolls even as my patience with Hivebent wears thin. BIOLOGICAL IMPERATIVE. GIRL THINGS ARE COMPLICATED. Also the way you write Karkat/Sollux just keeps getting better and better and I thoroughly enjoyed their little part at the end. (Nitpick: Sollux would probably use the lower-class Troll words for things like "toilet bowl.")

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

nV: I really can't decide which I like more at times: your fiction, or your art. X3 I especially love the one of John and Terzi wearing each others glasses!

Breccia: Eeeeeeee, I love you for this! It's so awkwardly THEM. And your Karkat/Sollux continues to be my favorite rendition of that pairing.

Orange: *holds up lit lighter* encore!

Rastea: I liked it! Having a hard time picturing a sober Gamazee with no makeup and brushed hair. (That last one made me laugh...it was such a Kanaya move!) The closest I can think is one of northernVehemence's illustrations for Windows, the one of young, pre-Juggulo Gamzee.

Re: MSPA fan-fiction

Originally Posted by Rastea

I dunno, I've been having this urge to write Gamzee sopor slime withdrawal fic lately.
CAN YOU TELL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

HEY GET OUT OF MY HEAD I JUST FINISHED VACUUMING AND REARRANGING THE FURNITURE AND EVERYTHING. ^__^' You totally stole my idea, although what I had in mind was more involved and probably more depressing, though I can never write anything that doesn't have a happy ending. XP I was just about to try and a post a snippet to see what other people thought. But yours was really awesome too, so no worries! Plus mine was gonna be from Gamzee's POV, so yeah. ^__^