Video proof that dating Shia LaBeouf is terrifying and exhausting

Video has emerged of Shia LaBeouf having a fight with girlfriend Mia Goth in Germany before getting a lift to the airport from some helpful — and camera-happy — locals. After squabbling with a mostly silent Goth over his backpack — and telling her, "I don't want to touch you, I don't want to be aggressive, this is the kind of s— that makes a person abusive" — a calmer LaBeouf rides shotgun with his new friends and tells them, "If I'd stayed there, I would have killed her." Delightful! You can watch the whole thing for yourself thanks to Entertainment Tonight.

Oh, and he tries to FaceTime Megan Fox at one point, who I'm guessing gets those kinds of calls from her former "Transformers" co-star quite a bit. The video caps off with a very inebriated LaBeouf talking directly to the camera phone declaring that "this is a contract. You come to Los Angeles, I'll pick you up in my car, you come and stay at my house." Don't do it, guys. It's a trap.