I like living. I've sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.
- Agatha Christie

Friday, September 24, 2010

I only want to be understood and liked for being me..

I wrote in my previous post that I had wanted "immense wealth" from God which He has not granted yet. I should have been more specific and thanks to a fellow reader, his proposal that I defined what I meant by it left me thinking to myself. Yes, not everyone knows what is playing in my head and words are perceived differently by different people, some misconstrued..perhaps..that can make me look to seem like a horrible person; unless you do not make allowance for such things to happen. Therefore, I think I should write down on the wealth that I seek just for my satisfaction.

Lying would be it had I said that I do not want to be rich! I have never come across anyone who do not desire material wealth but the amount of how much they want to accumulate differs from one another. In terms of money, alhamdulillah, I think I have enough. I am able to eat and feed my kids everyday without fail. At the end of the month, when my ching chings come in to turn my latest balance of RM 8.53 into something more admirable, I can then bring the kids out for dinner at a nice place. I have food and shelter all brought to me by wealth so how much more money do I need because having more of it would still be never enough! But if money does come to me..surely I would never turn it down..:) and to not seek for it, I think not yet..I am still in search of it..not much but just for my children's future.

Still, I feel that I am poor because what is the use of having enough cash if you are lacking in love? So, in my terms, wealth to me is to be loved by so many people. When the late Datuk Sosilawati passed on to meet God, an amount of 700 people was jotted down to have turned up to recite the Yassin for her. Doesn't that just show how much she is loved? If I were to be found dead in a forest anywhere, would I get the same attention from those who know me or would they spit at my grave and say that I deserved it??? I know that I wasn't the most lovable person around but, hey, I got feelings too! I have made my mistakes and I have tried to be forgiven and it hurts and saddens me to know that some may have not let it past them yet. When all those who I have wronged are able to accept me for who I am, and have forgiven me...that is the day that I would claim to become the richest person in the world!..Insya-allah.