Bridget Bites : Dealing with confidence issues

Q:

Hi! I'm an italian fan! I'm wondering, what is the process to become confident with ourselves? I look at you every day and I see a strong, beautiful woman, but probably the process to embrace every single shade of yourself was very long. What kind of thought or things helped you to reach your goals? Thank u for being such an inspirational woman! Wish you the best! /sorry for my terrible English.

A:

First off, your English is fine! Don’t make apologies for yourself (unless you do something that actually deserves one), lesson one. I think that self confidence is a never ending process; it is a plant that you constantly have to water, feed, prune and love. I am not a naturally confident woman, and I never have been. I used to live everyday second guessing everything I did, from having a conversation, to the clothes I would wear – and I always had a horrible underlying sense of anxiety, coupled with terrible social anxiety. This lasted all through high school and into my adult years, and even to this day I need to keep an eye on the old shifty shadow.

But! Awareness of ones natural tendencies is key to creating a life that is fulfilling. So I would say, what healthy things do you do that make you feel confident and happy? Find out and make a point to do them as much as possible. For me it was discovering the oboe at 14. It made me feel empowered and strong, and I would practice it as much as possible. The progress I made there encouraged me even more, and it was a domino effect.

Know that growing up is painful, hormones are doing strange things and you are becoming an adult in a world that is both forcing you to own up and take responsibility for yourself; and yet also not allowing you the full mantle and freedom of adulthood. I find that doing things every day that I can control and leave me feeling strong was a huge help for confidence also – aka, working out and eating right. By acknowledging your body and the amazing things it does every day for you via working out you are empowering yourself hugely for the future.

And never forget, it will get better. Getting older means you really do stop caring as much about what other people think. You become more comfortable in yourself and around other people, so know that this too shall pass.