The morning after her birthday meltdown, Stassi has some amends to make with Beau Clark. Stassi’s hangover face, puffy and red, has aged her 15 years yet she’s still drinking a beer for breakfast! It’s like one of those aging apps that shows what you’ll look like on your 50th birthday.

Apparently Stassi’s telephone harassment of Beau escalated to in-person harassment. She stormed back into the party to demand he come to bed with her immediately. And in response Beau cried. The next morning he whines that when Stassi yelled it felt like getting “dick punched” in the heart. Do dicks punch? I hadn’t known. Oh, maybe Beau means like being punched by an actual dick. Someone like Jax Taylor, perhaps.

First Stassi has to make amends with Beau Clark after drunkenly calling him, texting him, and screaming at him during her party. Thankfully, Beau loves Stassi but he is not willing to put up with her antics.

Then, there were some sweet son photos as well. Bachelor alum Sean Lowe hit the beach with his sons Samuel and Isaiah in Hawaii. Also, Dallas Housewife Stephanie Hollman shared a photo with her. Scott Disick posted a photo cuddling with his youngest son Reign.

In other reality star updates, braces are all the rage these days. Kelly Dodd and her ex Michael Dodd took their daughter Jolie to get braces. Yes, they even marked the occasion with a family photo. Which, is actually pretty sweet. 90 Day Fiance alum Anfisa Nava showed off her new braces.

Whew! Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was packed full of drama, wrapped in Stariana’s delusion, and doused with the warm flat remains of Tom Schwartz‘s Coors Light after he passed out in some random person’s house.

Lisa Vanderpump will be working to stop Yulin forever. To accomplish her goal of replacing all people in the world with dogs she requires each SURvian to own at least one canine. Even James Kennedy, who gets left out of everything, is not exempt. And guess what – to demonstrate what a topsy-turvy world this is, his dog is the cutest. The only exception is Scheana Marie, who has a cat. Because Scheana is more of a pariah than even James, and obviously has to own a me-centric animal (true confession I am a cat person).

Everyone meets at Vanderpump Dogs to put a temporary tattoo on their face and get a photo with their pooch, then post it on Instagram. Including James. Whose firing is the talk of the pound as he strolls through the door with Raquel Leviss by his side.

Last time we saw this crew of geriatric bartenders and former bartenders, James Kennedy was sobbing over being fired by Lisa Vanderpump for fat shaming Katie Maloney. It’s a sick, sad world indeed when Katie is allowed to give ultimatums and Lisa capitulates. However, it seems like Lisa she realized the error of her ways. I mean, nobody really wants to put Katie Jong-Un in charge of anything!

Why isn’t Peter Madrigala full-time cast member on Vanderpump Rules? He has a been around this whole time and he is an integral part of the friend group, yet he’s not a part of the drama. Then again, he might actually have the best situation out of all of the cast members. Peter benefits from being a part of the show, yet he’s not obligated to share his innermost secrets.

In short, he gets to experience some of the best aspects of being on the show without suffering as much as the full-time cast members. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean that the fandom isn’t super intrigued by Peter’s personal life. Honestly, it just makes the viewers want to know more. Come on, he dated both Stassi Schroeder and Katie Maloney, yet he seems to have zero drama in this group. That is just so fascinating. Would there have been some Peter drama if Vanderpump Rules started filming earlier? Possibly!

So, nothing really happened on last night’s Vanderpump Rules except that James Kennedy got fired and Brittany Cartwright made goopy neon orange sauce from stale beer, gourmet cheese, and ranch dressing. BECAUSE NO ONE HAS EVER DISCOVERED THE SPLENDORS OF BEER CHEESE.

James can’t eat beer cheese though because he’s given up alcohol for the 300th time. That, my friend, is a blessing in disguise. I have tasted this mythic beer goop that only comes from the bosom of mammaw’s Kentucky paws, you know, and meh.

On last night’s Vanderpump Rules the quest to destroy James Kennedy continued. Will he be victorious?! Read on to find out…. or at least hear more about what happened.

Back in the trenches of SUR, the dumpster cesspool is oozing with slime and gooey particles as everyone watches the time bomb that is James‘ sex life explode. After calling Katie Maloney too fat for her green shorts, James storms out. He does a lap around the building and ends up at Jax Taylor‘s little bar shack as he is scrambling to remember what goes in a Pumptini.

Stassi Schroeder is just complaining about James being unhinged, and like that moment in a horror movie where you just know the heroine (it pains me to compare Stassi to a heroine) is about to get killed, James lurks right behind wielding an insult about dildos. Does it have spikes – we know Stassi loves those sort of things as weapons!