You are hilarious. You get extra points for two types of potatoes. Well done.

For Bastille Day (not being French and never having celebrated Bastille Day) I would suggest a baguette smeared with the fattiest thing you can find (pick butter, brie, pate) some cornichons, crepes and a huge plate of macarons. That’s my kind of French.

Ohhh, I know – frogs legs ‘n’ snails for Bastille day! Then take a bunch of selfies whilst eating said frogs legs ‘n’ snails, and post them here so we can all see the look on your face = instant entertainment. P.S. Hot dogs and chips looked nom, happy 4th of July!