While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence their anger, deny it entirely, or vent it in a way that leaves them feeling helpless and powerless. In this vivid, engaging, and eminently wise work, Dr. Lerner teaches women how to identify the true sources of anger—and how to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating meaningful and lasting change.

The Dance of Anger is an insightful and prescriptive guide that shows women how to turn anger into a constructive force for reshaping their lives.

Quotes & Awards

“Dance of Anger is highly recommended.

Library Journal

“The Dance of Anger is such a helpful guide to understanding and reducing anger in close relationships…By showing how anger works to maintain the status quo as well as to change it, Dr. Lerner gives readers information they can use to manage anger wisely and well.”

Carol Tavris, PhD, author of Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion

“The Dance of Anger is a careful and compassionate exploration of women’s anger. It will be extremely useful to almost every reader.”

Susie Orbach, coauthor of Understanding Women

“Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths.”

Peggy Papp, MSW, the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy

A New York Times Bestseller

Listener Opinions

Amelia Messervy | 2/19/2014

" This is an excellent book. "

Kimberly | 2/12/2014

" Very accurate and inspirational. "

K Nolfi | 2/11/2014

" I was disappointed by this book. I really liked her Mother Dance but this has too many case studies/therapy anecdotes and not enough insight. "

Caterina | 2/5/2014

" This is a good basic guide to "the patterns of intimate relationships", but I feel it's quite dated in its approach to women as audience. The author is allowed to be different; the reader is pigeonholed as overemotional nurturer. Those of us who don't fit that mold, or were, perhaps, raised a generation later/as or by feminists, may not find answers in Dr Lerner's case histories. Chapter 9 is really very useful, though. "

Cate | 1/31/2014

" you know, the whole "do your work, you can't do (his/hers/theirs)" "

Ida | 1/30/2014

" This book changed my life. It's another one to read and re-read over the years. "

Shrop | 1/30/2014

" Although it feels both too "straight" and a bit dated, there are some precious nuggets in there about understanding anger in its many forms and retraining your behavior in relation to it. "

Amy Sheridan | 1/26/2014

" Though short and some of the language/scenarios may appear dated, the core of it is some amazing insights into how we should work to handle and process anger properly. It is a tremendous book. "

Jaymi Boswell | 1/16/2014

" On my long journey of trying to rid myself of anger, I was suggested this book. I found it interesting and it has a great many pearls of wisdom. "

Alex | 1/14/2014

" very helpful book about emotions and relationships. first in a series by Harriet Lerner. "

Michelle Marshall | 12/23/2013

" Good book, quick read, gives good tools to start dealing with anger without blaming or backing down...a reasonable solution to start... "

Jennifer Moore | 11/21/2013

" another book that should be required reading for all women. "

Laura | 10/9/2013

" Claire Howard's mom gave me this book years ago. She said it was important to her and really interesting. It was fascinating and helped me process and learn from certain bad relationships that I experienced. Thanks Sara :) "

Judie | 10/5/2013

" I read this a very long time ago. After reading what I underlined at that time, I think this is a useful book for improving relationships with others. "

Merrilee | 2/5/2013

" Good ideas, easy to read. Just... a bit forgettable. She doesn't sum up the info you need to remember very well. But it is full of good insights into the woman's psyche. "

Mandi Lee | 11/27/2012

" Interesting and thought provoking. I love a book that turns you inward to ponder your motives and actions. I also love gaiing a new perspective on life and relationships. "

Chris | 3/12/2012

" Useful in some ways. I'll be passing it on. "

Claudia | 1/17/2012

" Excellent starting point for dealing with pent-up anger and recognizing the patterns that perpetuate it. I would recommend to both men and women. "

Bridgett | 1/11/2012

" Really informative on how to deal with conflict and how to take responsibility for one's actions and how to change onself in positive ways while still being authentic. "

Mary | 11/11/2011

" Very helpful insights. I'm tired of self-help books that don't really help. This one is different. "

Jerri Mensing | 9/20/2011

" I took so much away from this book.... "

Elisha | 6/11/2011

" Started it - but it's a little too much like a Self-Help book - so I've put it aside again. Since it was recommended by someone I respect, I'll try again later. "

Sadie | 6/6/2011

" This book was a selection for one of my book clubs. I didn't find it overly helpful for my own circumstances but hopefully there are others who benefited from this book. "

M.stafford | 5/10/2011

" Brilliant.

Advisory: Read all three of the trilogy before attempting change!
"

Ms. | 4/23/2011

" I haven’t read self help in about 20 years but a younger colleague of mine just got married and was struggling. So we both read it.. nothing new to me, being in my fifth decade of life but thought it was a good time to revisit some of those issues.

"

Kerri | 4/19/2011

" Good re-enforcement for co-dependent little me. Lots of suggestions on how to change yourself vs. the other person.
"

Sally | 4/17/2011

" Fantastic book about how we relate to people in our lives...I learned a lot about myself and recommend it for anybody who feels like they need to make some shifts and changes in their work or personal relationships/interactions
"

Elizabeth | 3/28/2011

" Reading this in 2011, as a woman who grew up after most of the angry feminist shouting was over, I had to do a lot of mental translating to move past the women-versus-men tone to uncover the useful bits that would apply to any type of relationship interaction between any two humans.
"

Merrilee | 11/5/2010

" Good ideas, easy to read. Just... a bit forgettable. She doesn't sum up the info you need to remember very well. But it is full of good insights into the woman's psyche.
"

Deanna | 10/19/2010

" It was penetrating at the time -
"

Mckinley | 10/12/2010

" Read and also listened to it.
"

A. | 10/6/2010

" wonderful book. i've implemented several suggestions to changing my patterns of behavior and this has been a great resource for me.

it was an easy read, quick and light.
"

Eve | 8/16/2010

" A practical, helpful basic guide to emotions and how to cope with your feelings and the people in your life.
"

Bridget | 7/19/2010

" VERY informative and full of helpful advice. Not all of the chapters may apply to you and your current situation, but it does offer good advice to improve your current anger issues. I find that I am less angry after reading this and using the methods set forth by the author.
"

rhea | 6/8/2010

" I liked it, more than I thought I would. I still don't feel better about self-help coming from a book, but I can see why it would help people. It was well written, who knows maybe I'm wishy-washy on it too because I still have problems being told to read something for school...
"

About the Author

Harriet Lerner, PhD, is one of the nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is also the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books and coauthor with her sister of an award-winning children’s book.

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