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This gift is of particular value to those in education. Professors must wade through any number of run-on sentences, literary non-sequiturs, and head-scratching turns-of-phrase in order to assign fair grades. It must take a heroic level of restraint to offer constructive criticism to students who deserve more of the latter than the former. But restraint may make it easier for deeply incompetent students to rationalize their own capabilities.

Essay grading is a sensitive science. It isn’t always easy to find commentary that is forthright and direct but which doesn’t destroy your student’s fragile psyche. Below, and in the spirit of the great Stephen Fry, we offer a handy translator for professorial remarks as a service to everyone in education.

Use it either to decode the notes a professor gives you or to soften the comments you are sending to your own pupils.