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Top 10 Ways NOT to Go Insane...

Monday, September 17, 2007

1. Do not plan two vacations back-to-back with solo business trips to New York flanking each end.

2. Do not go clothes shopping with your husband...EVER!

3. Do not go to Gymboree on the last day before expiration of their gym bucks coupon.

4. Try to avoid giving your child choices for Halloween costumes; because they will constantly change their mind....after you buy the one they said they wanted to be!

5. Remember to look on your seat to see if you are actually sitting on the garage door opener before becoming convinced that someone in your neighborhood stole it and is now planning the burglary of the season while you are on vacation.

6. Let me repeat, do NOT go clothes shopping in the Men's Department with your husband and if possible, don't stand outside the dressing room asking them to come out with each new outfit for inspection (that turns grown men into nasty teenage boys, and their wives into bitchy moms!)

7. If you are trying to lose an extra 5 pounds before vacation; don't go grocery shopping for camping food (i.e. marshmallows, Doritos, popcorn), a week before your departure and leave them open for viewing on the dining room table.

8. Do not take your child to the Disney Store only to have them ask you later in Old Navy (after you told them how good they were being) if they could now have the stuffed Bambi that they bring out from its hiding place under their feet of the rental car strollers!

9. Do not have a tetanus shot unless you want your arm to look deformed because it looks like you're ready to hatch an egg from your shoulder muscle!

10. If you buy iced animal cracker cookies for your daughter's sleep-over tea party, make sure the kids eat every last crumb in order to avoid the animals calling your name (veryloudly through the pantry door) every night!

2 comments
:

Oh my God, TAG. This is freakin' hysterical. I LOVE the part about men in the dressing room...I have visuals of Dan with an attitude and you standing outside the dressing room tapping your foot!

And of course, I can appreciate the frosted animal cookies as well - I throw out every bit of cake, candy and any left over "party" food yesterday since they were calling me in much the same voice you hear from your pantry.