Thursday, February 16, 2012

My friend said, "I read an article related to optimism at work" and "if someone asks 'How are you', instead of saying 'good', 'fine' etc., reply 'I am terrific' , 'Never felt the same before'". Does this work? Do I do this? Instead of replying privately, I'm setting this out in public. I don't get a lot of blog comments here, but that's okay, I'm still able to share the URL.

First, what does it say about your mental and emotional state if you answer with the standard response ("fine.")? Are you in a rut? Is it simply a meaningless human interchange, similar to a parade wave, non-specific, uninteresting and ritualistic? How often do people really want to know how you're feeling? How often do you want to know many details of colleagues lives when you pass them in the hallway? I like to think I don't always say "fine." I heard that enough from my then-middle-schooler ("How was school?" / "Fine"). I also like to think I don't just ask "How are you" for no reason, or any other alternate version ("how you doing, how's life treating you, what's new?). What are my standard answers? "Peachy keen" is one that gets a laugh. People know from that answer I'm feeling good, spunky, chirpy. And if things aren't going well (you'd have to be a total dreamer to think everything is fine all of the time), then "Meh" or other guttural responses are called for ("Ugh, Bleah, Blech, etc.) Any of these must be followed immediately with some detail, otherwise, just say 'fine."

Second, does your answer depend on who asks the question and how receptive to significant details they are? Yes, of course. There are people who I know that care more about me than others do. I'm not likely to either spend a lot of energy on someone who is unreceptive, nor share burdens with them if they have shown little empathy in the past. That social "check list" of who deserves more openness and honesty is mere human nature. Should we change the menu sometimes and share randomly with those who don't normally listen? Sure, but only with the assumption that you'll get no response.

Third. Do you like winding up total strangers? In the same vein, do you treat every random person equally? I'm not talking about commercial transactions like chatting with store clerks or service people. I'm talking about the man in the street, person on the bus, anyone you stand near in a public place. I'm not always open and communicative, but I think I could and would speak to nearly anyone. Asking how their day is going, and expecting to hear a fully qualified answer, instead of "hi, how you doing, later" is extra-personal.

Fourth: "have you replied like this to anyone before?" (meaning "I'm terrific" not "fine"). Sure, not much lately, but I think I've used the word "awesome" and others instead of bland answers a lot of times. Probably more than others have said it to me, or maybe that's just my spin,

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

My friend and net compatriot Susan Scrupski posted a blog with the same title as this one recently. With her permission, I'm reposting it with minor changes that should be obvious, and some not so obvious.

I've experimented with on-line dating. It's mostly humiliating or weird (sometimes both). It occurred to me that via my various social networks, I'm connected to millions of people. Rather than try to push my lame profile and faux image out to strangers, I thought I'd try to take a more direct or "pull" approach.

If you've landed here, you probably know me. Or at least are curious enough to read my personal blog. If the following candidate profile fits you and you are available (emotionally and legally), please reach out. I'm not shy and neither should you be.

You are a woman (sorry boys). You're not a lesbian or conflicted about your sexual preference. You're not an addict. You're intelligent, funny, fairly self-confident, educated (either self-educated or formally) and you've achieved a level of success that satisfies you. You value individuals and relationships on a deeper plane. Less of the "what can you do for me?" and more of the "I value who we are together."

You are savvy with technology (probably a must). You prefer Linux, NetBSD or that ilk. You are politically aware. You have some strong opinions about politics and society, but respect others who do not agree with you and are equally as dedicated. You have faith in humanity and are not dogmatic. You love the arts and science, and your curiosity knows no bounds. You are a music lover. You love to travel and know your English. You're generous in thought and deed, buthave a healthy respect for financial conservatism.

You love family and friends, and people who know you love to be around you. You're not judgmental and you can be trusted. You like animals and are not uncomfortable outdoors. You hate liars. You're not an elitist.

Your life has not been perfect. You've taken a long while to come to terms with experiences that led you to become the person you are. You have sometimes made bad choices, but have no regrets. You are generally optimistic and have no fears about the future.

You're looking for a man who doesn't need you. A man who chooses to be with you because he "gets" you, and isn't interested in changing anything about you. You're looking for a man who knows how to love.

So, are you the one? Send me a note on any social platform. If you know someone (referrals count!) who fits this description, kindly pass it on.