Writing about my walk with God and all He's teaching me.

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Monthly Archives: May 2013

I’m going to start out by saying that I have no clue where this post is going to go. I’m writing this from my heart.

I’ve struggled with Mother’s Day for many years now. I can’t buy my mother a sappy card because the words don’t reflect the type of mother she is to me. It’s hard for me to celebrate her.

She doesn’t understand my love of Christ, my involvement in church, bible study or ministry work, and I’m pretty sure she won’t understand or support my calling. My calling is to speak, share my story, and to help others trapped in the same chains that are falling off of me. I can see God forming a ministry around this already. Her view of a career is, well, not this, and she has no clue this is what I want to do with my life. I am thankful for those friends that I have that are supporting me already.

My mother also doesn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, so she doesn’t see life the same way as I do. I’m not sure if she ever will have that personal relationship.

I love her, but it’s a struggle. I struggle to pray for her and to ask that she be blessed. The Bible speaks of loving one another. God teaches us how to love. But how do you show love to someone who treats you with disrespect, selfishness, and constantly complains, expecting you to have answers? Who demands things of you and always wants something in return instead of doing something just because? Who expects pure perfection because they see themselves as perfect?

There are times that it feels like my own mother is my enemy. There have been many times when I can see the Evil One using her to try and tear me down, and winning. With the way that she lives her life, it honestly doesn’t surprise me. I do what my mother asks of me, most of the time. Some of her requests are only to gain her something, or to get out of doing something. I have to walk a fine line of doing what she asks and not allowing her to walk all over me.

As a Christian, I find this to be a really difficult thing to face. I’m constantly under judgement. My own mother doesn’t understand who her daughter is becoming. My own mother won’t take the time to understand. That hurts me.

If there is someone in your family that you struggle with, know that you’re not alone. God is with you every step of the way. Listen to what He tells you to do, where He leads your life. If someone is against your dreams, stand firm if your dreams are God’s will for your life. What matters is following God’s will for your life, not someone else’s. If you’re finding it hard to pray for that family member consider asking a friend to pray for them. Give yourself a chance to work through the hurt that you’re dealing with.

I guess this comes down to the words in Ephesians 4:18 (NIV) that say, “They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.” I really think that’s the case for my mother. I know I can live by the following words from Ephesians 4:20-24 (NIV): “That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”

All I can hope is that she has seen a change in me, and eventually that God will reveal Himself to her and change her life.

Like this:

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written here. God has really been doing some work lately and I love it.

About 10 months ago I found myself walking through the doors of a local Celebrate Recovery ministry. I had no idea how much this ministry would change my life, the people I would soon call family, or that it would lead me to a new church.

God has really been stirring a love for ministry. It’s been a couple of years since I got the call to speak. I had no idea back then what that would turn out to be. Okay, I can go talk about things I’d been through, no problem. I just didn’t know what God was really asking of me.

Ministry. God was calling me to ministry. To help others that are going through the same things I’ve found or am finding freedom from. Things that no one wants to talk about or acknowledge an existence of in the church.

This year alone has been amazing, just the first four months. And I’m eager to see what God will reveal to me through His Word, discussions with others, and what I’m working on in my own life.