7 Reasons Why Mr. Big is the Fuckboy G.O.A.T.

I recently re-watched Sex and the City and I gotta say that although it stands as a classic the show isn’t aging well. First of all I could go on about the fashion because HOLY SHIT. Remember back in the day when Carrie Bradshaw/Sarah Jessica Parker was hailed as a fashion icon? Maaan I was watching that shit cringing the whole time. But we can all agree that the 2000s will go down in history as one of the worse times for fashion and SATC couldn’t help but be a snapshot of those bleak ass times.

But that’s not why I’m here. I’m here today because as I watched this show I realized how much we romanticized Mr. Big and Carrie. Even the hood was fuckin wit it right down to Jay Z’s line in ’03 Bonnie & Clyde:

Only time we don’t speak is during “Sex and the City”
She gets Carrie fever, but soon as the show is over
She’s right back to being my soldier

I remember also yearning for the great love that Carrie aspired for. I remember the series finale when she said that line that fell right in tune with my teenage soul:

I’m someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I don’t think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris.

At 16 that shit was a vibe. Yass Carrie, come on and stay true to your heart sis. But at 27? Sheeit. I wish I could find a multi-millioniare too busy on a project to spend time around me. You mean I get to explore Paris alone on some rich man’s dime? It’s too lit! My IG would’ve been flames yo. People out here making careers on that platform with less. But I’m 21 Savage to the bullshit right now and Carrie was in a different place in her life yadayada. She played herself, and that ladies and gentlemen, is the theme I realized with real eyes.

This whole time I was hyping up their relationship until I realized how completely trash the both of them were. But where I felt Carrie was haphazardly trying to rehabilitate herself, Big was like nah. Bad boy for life. Homie didn’t want Carrie until the very end when he realized it was too late. Now I’m definitely one to procrastinate on deadlines, but there’s always that one stupid motherfucker tryna submit a term paper at 11:56 lookin shook when the submission site is suddnely down. Or their computer’s slow. Or they forgot to save the doc. Now the world gotta stop because you was irresponsible. You runnin up on ya professor in church and shit. That’s how Big looked this whole series. Lemmie break this down for y’all…

1. When Mr. Big Returns from Paris With Some New Bitch

Or you could call her his fiance or whatever. But what the fuck? The whole beef between Carrie and Big was the fact that he was a commitment phobe. He didn’t wanna introduce Carrie to his mom. Cool, I thought. Take your time bro I feel that. Then he couldn’t admit he was in love and they broke it off. Eh, I thought, but ight I guess. They get back together but now he gotta move to Paris for a year and doesn’t invite Carrie. Now I’m like OK fam what’s the deal. Y’all grown why can’t she be wavy with you for the year? So they break up. Again. Only for this nigga to come back EARLY AND ENGAGED.

So you’re not a commitment phobe you just on #WasteHerTime for the 99 and the 2000 mode. And it’s not to say, “Hey when you know, you know.” Because he didn’t even love her ass either she just fit whatever checkbox he had for a “good wife” to keep a good look. Mind you this ain’t speculation, Big tells this to Carrie and goes on marrying the other woman (who’s 27 to add insult to injury) knowing deep down it’s a sham. You too old to be this weak fam.

2. To Nobody’s Surprise Mr. Big is Unhappy But Decides to Have His Cake & Eat it Too

Yo. I was watching season three play out wondering what the fuck made me believe they were this amazing couple? Mr. Big runs into Carrie with her new man Aiden –

– just give me a minute to pour one out to my man A Boogie.

He deserved nothing but the greatest love of all being sung by Whitney herself any time he saw the love of his life enter a room. Like I wanted to drag Carrie’s bitchass for actually fucking this indecisive ass fucknigga over and over and over and over while Aiden did amazing shit like renovate her apartment. Girl what?!

But what irked me was how relentless Mr. Big was in getting touch with her. He calls Carrie’s phone and leaves a voicemail she has to delete before Aiden hears it. He’s saying shit like he’s downstairs, Big’s following her to hotels and shit. Like fuck whatever Carrie wants, it’s all about him. And unfortunately she concedes to her own desires.

Now it’s one thing to make the mistake the first time. But I’m talking the entire season (essentially the majority of Carrie’s relationship with Aiden) was spent on her and Big going from the hotel motel Holiday Inn just doing their loved ones grimey. Like Big come on fam. You choked when it came to your relationship with Carrie, got married which broke her heart all over again only to end up being strong and wrong.

But his remedy to that wasn’t to be honest with his young bride, nah. He wanted his main bitch and his mistress. Granted in the end Big was willing to end the marriage but apart of me even feels like he was full of shit. He pulled that “I’ll call her right now” move knowing damn well Carrie don’t like being put on the spot so issa no from me dog. It was just trash all around.

3. Mr. Big Not Giving a Fuck About His Wife Now Looking Like Fabolous

So this affair ended hella dramatic by Carrie being chased out of Mr. Big’s crib by his wife who knew all along about this shit. I was so tight by the end of season three yo. Not only was y’all having this dragged out affair but now you fucking in their marital bed? Are you dumb? *cue Remy* Woo I’da caught a case I’m tellin yall.

But as she’s chasing Carrie she falls down the steps and chips her tooth. Damn, she did not deserve to hold that L. And Carrie had to take her to the hospital! As Carrie’s waiting for what seems like a few hours Big finally arrives and he thanks her for waiting. Like she some kinda friend of the family. But what made me tight was when she was leaving Big was like “I’ll call you later.”

You have me 360 degrees fucked up right now. I was so glad that Carrie finally deaded him but Big what was it going to take? And why did you not care about your wife’s condition and state of mind? She just discovered your mistress in her home and suffered a cosmetic injury! Big wasn’t even scared to see her, he showed no signs of remorse nothing. Basura.

4. Mr. Big Invites Himself to Aiden’s Crib Upstate

How does thee have me fucked up? Let me count the ways… I wish.

I. WISH.

That my boyfriend who I forgave for having an affair on me would tell me that the woman who destroyed our relationship and trust was on the way to MY home for the night without my consent. Where in the actual fuck do they do that at? Carrie could’ve deaded him but didn’t and she’s trash for that too. The relationship was so fragile at that moment yet you thought having Big abruptly go to Aiden’s because he’s sad that he got Mr. Bigged by a real one made sense? Girl. Sis. Love yourself. Love Aiden. Do better.

But the audacity of Mr. Big to hear Carrie plainly state that she was at AIDEN’S house upstate and still invite himself astounded me. It astounded me. Did you forget what you did just a season ago? How does one have so little fucks to give and how can I partake in this fuckless diet? I’m growing more fuck-deficient by the day but Mr. Big really oughta teach a course because goddamn.

By the end of this season Aiden tries to force Carrie to marry him because he doesn’t trust her after Big because DUH. They breakup and in true fuckboy form Mr. Big moves to California. Because what the fuck is “repercussions?” He just tryna live his life like it’s golden.

5. Mr. Big Pulls the Classic Mindfuck Switcharoo

A staple in the fuckboy community. If it’s one thing these niggas is allergic to it’s being on the same page. Just when Carrie sees Big for what he’s good for (dick appointments) now all of a sudden he wants to talk about emotions and have a healthy discourse on their relationship n shit upon reading Carrie’s book that features his antics. Like brruuh. This is the first time Carrie’s not being clingy or needy all that shit you previously hated. Nah, now she just tryna see what that mouf do. But Big just keeps pushing it until she just lets him get it all out. They don’t fuck until the next day. Imagine being hot all night just for it to turn into an Iyanla Fix My Life episode.

But wait! There’s more! Big does this similarly another time when he moves back to New York for an angioplasty and is faced with his mortality. Carrie is there for him but oh my God he starts talking about his feelings finally and gasses my girl up thinking there might still be a chance. She spends the night with him feeling hopeful only for Big to wake refreshed with a 100% full fuckboy battery and renigs on everything he said the night before. Finally (or so we thought) Carrie decides to be done with Big and his commitment issues.

6. Mr. Big Hits Peak Fuckboy & Chooses Carrie When It’s Too Late

Mr. Big is at maximum potential fucknigga mode towards the end of the final season. If this was Dragonball Z my mans would be surrounded by all kinds of white, yellow, and blue flames as he finally goes super saiyan.

“She’s moved on and no longer gives me the attention I require!”

And he thinks all he has to do is say the words, “I’m ready” and Carrie’ll come running back like she always does. Dead. Nah. Issa dud. She found a man willing to take her to Paris and you are too late fam. So what does Mr. Big do? Contact Carrie’s selfish ass friends who just want her to move back home so they align themselves with this trash can. Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda what the hell? Y’all couldn’t let this grown ass woman just come back home on her own? You send Super Saiyan Fuckboy to retrieve her? Y’all couldn’t pool your frequent flyer miles together? Nothing? And luckily his timing was right so they fall in love on that bridge in Paris and end up happily ever after. But Big coulda been disrupting a happy situation for all he knew but who cares right? Fuck all dat. When it’s time for what Mr. Big wants he takes.

7. Mr. Big: The Runaway Groom

I know Mr. Big’s ex-wife was somewhere cackling in the SATC universe when she heard Big jilted Carrie at their wedding. It must’ve been a good healthy cackle, one that was years in the making. It must’ve came from the roof of her uterus and reverberated up out of her fam. Because, in the words of Nene, you never win playing dirty.

~

Carrie’s out here marrying YO ASS despite all your flaws and the emotional and mental turmoil you put her through. Throughout the entire series Mr. Big was totally unwilling to claim Carrie publicly or incorporate her into his world so this over-the-top wedding was her moment to do that. But nah. Homie couldn’t even give her that. Staying true to his commitment phobia, Big chokes and tries to run off. Mind you he changes his mind but for whatever dumbass reason doesn’t think to call ANYBODY and say, “Hey! My bad. Just cold feet, I’m two minutes away. Tell Carries to chill tf out.” Nah. He just assumes she’ll be there what? Waiting? You just called and told her this whole wedding is a dud nigga! Mr. Big’s biggest issue, as is the case with the fuckboy, is his ability to communicate effectively. He blamed it on not being heard during the wedding planning well then pipe up bro! You grown and you paying for this.

But at the end of the movie they get married in secret with no one in attendance and y’all tried to sell that as a happy ending. Big keeps treating Carrie like she’s taboo. He married her like one does when they abruptly fall for a hooker. Shit wasn’t cool to me fam. For all of the hurt and pain Carrie endured to earn Mr. Big she deserved the lavish wedding of her dreams.

I re-watched Sex and the City in a whole new light and came to realize how often we romanticize toxic situations in the media. I get it, I get it. We’re just humans, we make mistakes, nobody’s perfect. Whatever. I’m not demanding perfection but I can demand that you not be ain’t-shit. We don’t have to go from one end of the spectrum to the other just to prove a point. There’s a middle ground that we do not give enough attention too and it’s reflected in the media. The truth is sometimes love doesn’t conquer all and it’s important that we put ourselves first. That’s why Samantha Jones was my girl when she deaded Richard. She was becoming this paranoid, insecure woman caused by Richard’s own fuckboy behavior and she dropped my new favorite line from that show on his ass:

Eternally.

Issa mood.

Issa lifestyle.

Get into it. Being in love is great! But at what cost? I’m just saying instead of wasting all that time and emotional labor on someone who doesn’t deserve you, re-invest that in yourself. When you work on your own self care you grow more aware of the Mr. Bigs of the world.

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