Ever since I threw myself into this health and fitness world I have been overwhelmed with the amount of information and opinions on how to lose weight, gain muscle and overall be healthy. Then I decided to stop listening to other people and do what my coach says. Shit, I pay her enough to do the thinking for me why would I not listen to her? But lately it seems like as I get closer to the show more opinions are starting to surface and it is quite freaking annoying.

Let’s get one thing out of the way…do I believe that the diet, supplements and meal plan is the best way to get in shape or even competition ready? No, but if I did it my way, the way that has been failing me for years, I would still be a little buffless baby. My long-term goal is to live a life with muscles and good health that is accomplish naturally. A lot goes into this prep that I don’t consider natural or necessarily agree with, but I know nothing about my body, nutrition or this sport. So right now I am doing it the way it has always been done, the way that has been successful for many people and when I learn more about everything I will try to reinvent the wheel and do it my way naturally.

With that said I am so sick of hearing people protest and argue on what is considered “healthy”. You google any topic on health and you will find numerous articles that are for and against it; it is never ending.

Being plant-based is the best. No animal protein is the best.

No, we shouldn’t be consuming other animal milk, but wait..we need calcium.

Whey? Soy? Soy is bad, but no, soy is good?

Dairy is bad. Meat is bad. Fish is bad, but some times good.

Good god, shut the hell up!

EVERYTHING IS BAD AND GOOD!

Gluten -free? What the hell is gluten and why are we freeing it?

I just can’t keep up!

The problem isn’t that there is one best diet, the problem is that everything we have grown up with is so processed that science is finally catching up to these allergies and diseases. So shut the hell up about other people’s damn diet and just do what is best for you and what your body needs. Stop preaching about “x” and other cancer causing foods. Please tell me, what doesn’t cause cancer?

What kills me is people get stuck one issue. They will parade around about how soy is bad because it is linked to breast cancer and criticize you for it for even considering it in your coffee. Um sweetie, what happened to smoking, alcohol, or better yet how about using a tanning bed or not wearing sun screen every single day? How about the Advil you take to relieve pain? You don’t think that has long term side effects? What about all the chemicals you rub all over your body; lotion, nail polish, make up, spray tans, deodorant, shampoos, conditioner…etc. Our skin is the largest organ and it absorbs so much so get over your soy or the one health fact you think you are educated on. If you want to limit certain things in your diet, please do; I applaud you for even taking that step. But being stuck on one issue does not make you healthier than anyone else when you still douse yourself in toxicity daily which increases risk of any serious health issue. Plus, how much you want to bet that your one green smoothie in the morning will only last a few weeks?

What is the point of this rant? My point is to just shut the F up. If one day we wake up and eating elephant poop is scientifically proven to enlarge a man’s penis by 2 inches and 80% of our male population start buying elephants, freakin’ let them. Do what makes you feel good about being healthy and happy. We are all going to die and most of us are going to get some form of cancer.

“I’m training for a fitness competition” always seems to come up in conversation with almost anyone I talk to now a days. Maybe I’m bragging or maybe I just have this little thing called pride to be able to go after something that many people won’t dare try. Regardless, it has been a struggle and I would be lying if I said this process has been done 100% perfectly. I strive every day for that 100% and sometimes I make it and some times I don’t. But in order to change you have to try right?

Some where along the conversation I always hear, “I want to be able to lose ___lbs, but I don’t want to get on some crazy diet or have to stop eating ___.” First of all, you can still look better and enjoy your naughty foods, but what these people are saying is they don’t want to give up naughty foods for more than a day and I completely understand. But at some point you have to think about what you want more – fit body or naughty food?

Here is the thing we all want to have our cake and eat it too, but that cannot happen with fitness. You don’t need to prep for a competition but if you want to change your body you have to change your habits. If you don’t want to change your habits then your body remains the same. Trust me, I know; It is a struggle I deal with daily. You would think after all this training I would have it by now but I still fight my old habits.

You can’t say you want to lose 20 lbs without going to the gym and eating pizza. You definitely can’t say you want to tone up but don’t want to have to live without your daily take out or frozen meals. And blaming time for your lack of motivation to change your life doesn’t work because when will time every free up to be a better you?

You need to decide what is most important; How you are going to feel with a life long 6 pack? Or how you are going to feel after you finish your 6 pack of beer? Whatever choice you make is fine but you cannot have both. And the sooner you accept it the least irritated I’ll be in having a diet discussion with you. So figure it out.

I’ve been MIA for a while, I know. Lately it has been hard to put my thoughts into words. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things that have effected my training but I’m still pushing through. I also switched coaches, which is a good thing but we can save that for another post.

What I want to talk about is the new challenge I’ve set for myself: no pictures or mirrors until 4 weeks out! Why? Because I’m becoming obsessed again. I’m obsessed with my body fat, obsessed with the 8 weeks left, obsessed with what I am “suppose” to look like and this obsession is creating anxiety which makes me want to eat. The more I want to eat, the more I do eat, the more I do eat, the more guilt and anxiety I created and the cycle repeats because I only have 8 weeks left.

I’m losing the fun part of training and before this gets bad I made the decision to cover the mirror in my room and will not take any pics until 4 weeks out to see my progress. And I’ll continue till I get to the show. I’ll still need the mirror for posing, so while I am at home ill pose in black leggings and tank top so i can only see my silhouette and won’t focus on “what needs to go”. At posing practice I will be in a bikini but I’m going to just have to do my best in that situation.

Thanks again for all the support! This would be ten times harder without you!!!

So I would have never called myself a writer and I kind of still don’t. However, I started a blog in January to help hold me accountable for my competition goals. This blog has turned into something I never expected. Honestly, I never really thought anyone would care to read it. Anyway, I was approached by an online magazine, The Indie Chicks, about possibly writing a guest article for the mag about my experience with training. Uh, yes please!

I am still in some disbelief over this fun opportunity, but here I am in my sweaty spandex, asking you to check out my article! If they get a good response then I will do a 6 week check in post as well as the competition follow up. If they don’t, well…at least I can get a little fancy and title myself as a “published columnist”. Look at me…all sophisticated and shit 😉

If you love my article please pass it along to your friends (and comment if you have the time). If you don’t, just be quiet and pretend you do. You know, us artists are really sensitive about our craft.

It’s time for a little happy talk. Don’t get me wrong, I am still a nut bag mentally but I try to calm it down. I am ten weeks out today…freaking out! I am excited and nervous, confident and insecure all in one. My mom and I bought our airline ticket and I finally decided on a suit. I haven’t ordered it yet and I can’t decide if I want to share what it looks like ahead of time. But we will see, I have to get it first. Taking these steps make it more real the time is coming and I am getting more excited with each purchase made despite what my bank account says.

The other day my coach posted up some prep brownies that we could have on her Instagram. Being a brownie lover I obviously had to try and I am obsessed! Now granted, they do not taste like REAL brownies but when your diet is chicken, fish, veggies and brown rice, anything will taste like heaven. So if you are looking for a healthy treat then you should try these!

In a large bowl mix a cup of oat flour, 1/2 cup of stevia, pinch of salt (I didn’t use any salt). In another bowl, whisk 7 egg whites, 1 tbsp of vanilla extract (I found that chocolate extract added more flavor), 1/3 cup of unsweetened natural apple sauce. Whisk the wet ingredients until the egg whites become fluffy and add to the dry ingredients. Mix together and add 2 tbsp of cocoa powder. Put in a cup cake pan/flat pan for 15 mins in the oven heated to 350 degrees.

The first time I made then I didn’t crush almonds only because I had my almonds for the day. Yes, a whopping 15. Today I crushed them and added them to the brownies 5 minutes into baking. I didn’t add it on top while it was wet just because I thought the almonds would sink in, but it cook pretty fast with 5 mins so it wasn’t as wet as I need the mix to be to hold the almonds either. So that part is an experiment still.

Supplement Talk – I think I finally settled on the supplements I like.

You can go anywhere to get this stuff but I’m a pretty loyal customer to the Vitamin Shoppe. I use the BCAA mixed with some crystal light pink lemonade and sip on that while I do my cardio. Well generally while I work out but especially during my cardio so I can prevent muscle breakdown. The BCAA Powder is a Vitamin Shoppe brand and to be honest, I haven’t tried any other else than the ON Amino Energy. It’s not to shabs but I need the little flavor to get through. I may just buy more ON Amino Energy since it has BCAA in it, but as of now I use that as my pre work out. I was using Cellucor C4 and didn’t find that it gave me the boost I needed for my work out. But the Amino Energy on the other hand….totally feel it and it taste delicious! I have the watermelon flavor and it takes like a lollipop and doesn’t have the nasty chemical shit taste most products have. For my post work out , I use BSN Cellmass 2.0 Blue Raspberry. So far so good, flavor is definitely doable. I will probably stick to it for now because it’s the best tasting one I have had.

Competition Information – Some of you guys have been asking about my show and I will continue to share this info, but might as well let you guys know now. The official flyer finally came out so here ya go!

August 10th @ Monmouth University. Prejudging $20 is at 11am and Finals $35 – $40 @ 6pm. I have no idea why it is 35-40 but if I find that out I’ll let you know.

And before I end this one more thing – my article will be posting on June 4th at 7am est at http://www.theindiechicks.com! Be on the look out for that… 🙂

I can’t help but feel insecure. I’m 11 weeks out and I’m freaking myself out. I’m retaining a lot of water which messes with my head and it’s pissing me off. I know it’s temporary but it doesn’t help me think clearly.

I look in the mirror and all I see this skinny-fat, scrawny, wannabe, that will never make it to the stage. I know, I know. You don’t need to lecture me on how ridiculous my thoughts are. I am aware that they are unrealistic, i get it.

Last week I made mistakes and this week I am back on track. However it doesn’t take away the anxiety of me wanting to starve myself and skip meals or binging and then going for a long run. I’m in my head, I know. But I can’t help it. I am having a moment.