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Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Fat Voice – It’s All In Your Head

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where old posts go to be reborn. There was a time when I featured my own "best" posts, but I quickly ran out of ones that qualified. I may not have a lot of great posts, but I do have plenty of blogging friends with their own great old posts. So here's my "Merry Christmas" gift to you: Mary from A Merry Life dropped by this week to share a favorite from her archives. Now I'm off to start my holiday shopping and... what? It's only December 18th. I mean, I'm off to take a nap...

After the response to yesterday’s post I am almost at a loss for what to say. The comments left on the post “Because You Just Can’t Love A Fat Girl”
were interesting, eye-opening, encouraging, and thought-provoking.
There was a lot of great stuff in there, but what I found most
interesting was the way many comments led my thoughts down a different
path. Instead of thinking about love and relationships I found myself
thinking more about weight and how it affects our own self perception.

Losing weight, gaining weight - these changes in size change you. They change how you look on the outside but even more profoundly they
often change how you feel and think about yourself. When you lose
weight you gain confidence, you feel better, you think you look better
and you project a more confident image of yourself. When you gain
weight there is a constant nagging voice of failure in your mind that
says you can’t be as confident because you just don’t look as good
anymore. Here is the thing: it is all in your head.

Fitarella
mentioned the “FAT voice” in her own mind, the one that constantly asks
if she will ever be good enough. Despite all her achievements being
the wonderful person she is the voice still hangs around telling her fat
is unlovable, fat is no good. Roni
mentioned that with her husband, “Over the 15 years we’ve been together
all the weight stuff, all the self confidence issues, worrying, the
thinking I’m not good enough, all of it, was in my head.” It seems we
all let the fat voice win way too often. We allow the negative thoughts
to seep into our minds and change our self perception even when no one
around us agrees with it.

And that self-perception, how you see yourself, apparently has more
to do with who you are and how you find love and interact with people
that anything else. As Diane said, “I’ve learned along the way that a man falling for you has a lot more to do with your perception of yourself than theirs.”
You are the one in control of how you see yourself and you are also in
control of how others see you. The fat voice wants you to be sad and
think you aren’t worth much because of your weight. If you listen, that
is how others see you. But that doesn’t have to be the way it is.

Instead, you can define yourself outside of your size. Like Krissie
said, “I don’t let my weight define me, although that is what I blog
about. I am a lot of things. I am smart. I am funny. I am giving and
kind. And that’s what I focused on when I was dating. If I focused on my
weight back then, I probably wouldn’t have dated as much. Other people
see what what you put out there. You give off signals – body language,
in your talk – that either attract people or make them want to be around
someone else. If you think you’re not going to attract boys, it will be
a self-fulfilling prophecy and you won’t.”

The FAT voice is a self-fulfilling prophecy for many bigger
people. The FAT voice is a dangerous thing that exists in our own minds,
and often it exists at every size. You don’t have to weight 400 pounds
to wrestle with the fat voice. A gain of five pounds when you weigh
120 can quickly introduce you to the FAT voice. Once it gets entrenched
in your mind, it convinces you that you can’t do things skinnier people
can. “You can’t exercise at this size, what’s the point? You can’t
really lose weight permanently, so why try? You can’t find anyone to
love you, so why even date?” But if we listen to what other people are
saying, we realize we have control over our lives.

We can do whatever
we want and be whoever we want. We can be healthy. We can be active.
Fat doesn’t define you. Thinness doesn’t define you. Size shouldn’t
matter. So, do yourself a favor and tell the FAT voice to shut up.

I officially love your blog! I am on a journey to become more healthy and fit back into my skinny jeans without scaring small children! Thanks for the motivation and the load of laughs!! If you feel like it stop by www.sparklesandglue.com and join me on my journey!Your newest fan!Jessica

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About Me

Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jack,
Who never quit eating ‘cept to stop and have a snack.
Then one day he was standing on his scale,
And he realized he’d really let his body go to hell.
(Obesity that is, back fat, Texas toast)
Well the first thing you know old Jack he made a vow,
He’d ratchet up the exercise and slow down on the chow.
He wanted to get his weight back to where it oughta be,
So he loaded up his stuff and he moved to Bloggery.
(Google Blogger that is, writing posts, makin’ jokes)
Well now it's time to say hello to Jack and all his sh*t
As he chronicles his adventures on his journey to get fit.
You're all invited back each day to this locality,
To have a heaping helping of health and hilarity.
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, that is.)
Y'all come back now, ya hear?