While I suppose I should be indignant, the truth is I feel conflicted. On one hand, as a cyclist I hate to see any bike lanes disappear. Even if they mostly just serve as places for delivery people and police to double-park, their presence is still reassuring, and losing one feels a bit like defeat. On the other hand, a big city like New York is constantly evolving, so it's reasonable to expect that the DOT is going to need to shuffle these things around from time to time. In this sense, losing a bike lane is like breaking a hundred dollar bill; you hate to do it, and you keep it in your wallet as long as possible, but sometimes you've just got to spend it, and in the end you at least get a bunch of smaller bills. Most importantly, the absence of a bike lane from Bedford Avenue doesn't mean you can't still ride your bike there, and as long as fixed-gears are in fashion there will be a steady procession of them on Bedford regardless of whether or not there's a picture of a bicycle painted on it.

I suppose I'd be more concerned if I hadn't recently encountered a new bike lane that nearly knocked me off my saddle. It just so happens that yesterday I found myself traveling the Great Hipster Silk Route when I came to a portion which is usually very treacherous. (If you're sojourned in Brooklyn for any length of time, you may know it as the section bookended by the entrance to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and that spot in which a flock of Hasidim seem to wait eternally for the bus.) On many occasions I have wished fervently for a bi-directional, protected bike lane here. (Also, on one occasion I wished fervently for a shower when I slipped on and crashed in a patch of garbage water along this corridor.) Well, you can imagine my delight when I passed the flock of Hasidim, rounded the corner, and slotted right into my own little sheltered thoroughfare:

I'm not often moved by municipal matters, but I have to admit this new bike lane touched me in a way that only small animals, certain pieces of music, and, once, a rental tuxedo fitter who insisted it was an accident, have ever touched me before. It was like returning to your hotel room to find that they've not only made it up but also left your favorite meal on a tray and your favorite movie playing on the TV. (In my case those are Reese's Peanut Butter Cup omelettes and "Another Stakeout," respectively.) Even though it was December 1st, for one brief moment it felt like the first day of spring, and the city seemed like it was practically flowering with convenience.

The truth is that everything winds up for sale eventually--it's a law of physics. Also, as I've said before, "culture" now simply means "stuff you can buy," so it makes sense that "the international underground subculture of freak bicycle clubs" is becoming a video game. (Actually, I'm not sure if you'll actually have to pay for the "app," but even if it's free it exists to promote something salable.) None of this bothers me, and people should feel free to design whatever freak bike "apps" they want, but I do have a feeling that this guy would demand an explanation. Here's what Ryan Doyle, the creator of the "app," had to say to an "urban bike culture" blog:

Honestly I do not consider myself any sort of missionary of bike culture, nor do I try to lance my opinions or politics in anyone’s face. My goal is to create and cause communication, not whore out bicycle culture or sell tall bike jousting to the masses as a means of self gratification. I think riding a tall bike everyday in New York City has a greater cultural impact as it has a human to human interaction implied. I really love the responses that come from Bike Kill participants, or from Cutthroats’ Slaughterama, or Cyclecide’s Bike Rodeos, to me those are the inspirational events. I hope the bike building section and constant maintenance in the app inspire people to think about reusing materials and not contribute to our vast culture of waste. I am not looking forward to corporations eating up fringe bike culture and providing cheaply made foreign tall bikes at Walmart.

Doyle is correct to not consider himself a "missionary of bike culture"--that position belongs to David Byrne, and he promotes cycling not with tall bikes and outlandishness but by mixing it into a lukewarm, bland-tasting broth. At the same time, I also agree riding a tall bike in New York City has great cultural impact, and I think it's wonderful that having the courage to ride a bicycle that is a bit higher than normal is sufficient to qualify you as an instrument of change. Think of all the bloodshed that might have been averted if only, centuries ago, people had seized upon sitting up high as a mechanism for social transformation. Consider our own American Revolution. Instead of taking up arms, Washington and his men could simply have ridden around on horses that were standing on top of other horses. Surely the British would have relented before a single shot was fired.

What remains to be seen is if this "app" spells the end of the freak bike subculture, or if it does indeed inspire an entire generation to "not contribute to our vast culture of waste" by welding together pieces of that waste and having huge drunken parties. (While this particular subculture is apparently very conservation-minded, it's perfectly fine to waste tremendous amounts of time, the one resource which is definitely not renewable.) And even if the latter scenario does come to pass and the movement grows, it could all come crashing down when the new recruits literally come crashing down from atop their tall bikes and break their costly iPhones. This is already happening in the world of fixed-gears, as you can see from this Craigslist ad which was forwarded to me by a reader:

In addition to the overabundance of information regarding the rims and tires (the latter of which are made by "Bount Rager," which I believe was also the name of an old Australian "Lone Ranger" knockoff TV series), I'm also really "feeling" the spreadsheetway here:

Meanwhile, in Portland, a number of readers inform me that another fixed-gear rider is on the verge of defecting due to a lack of "valve covers:"

I bought a fixed gear and i keep having to fill up the tires. It did not come with covers for the air valves so I need some because this is getting aggravating. I'd prefer some NJS covers but will consider anything good. Thanks

Between all the falling and air loss it seems that "alternative" cycling may be in serious trouble, and a total subcultural migration to the iPhone may be its only hope.

I'm glad somebody shared my enthusiasm for that new bike lane. I generally don't care all that much, but love that one, was only a matter of time before a minivan killed me on that stretch (although, now if you are going straight, cars REALLY don't look for you when they turn right)

I have a pair of Campagnolo NJS fixed-gear valve covers I bought second-hand from a wise old Japanese racer who said they were originally Fausto Coppi's and he used them when he beat Felice Gimondi and Boris Spassky to win the Italian NJS Championships in 1922 -- $200 plus shipping if you're interested

I too discovered that new jersey-barriered stretch of bike lane at about 1:30 pm this past Friday. My favorite part is that they left the giant crater-esque potholes intact, so that the barrier forces cyclists into 'close combat' with the holes instead of being able to navigate around them. Luckily the 30 MPH headwind at the time slowed me down and allowed my 36h, 3 cross, double walled rim wheelset to maintain it's integrity.

I often enjoy the pseudo-intellectual / anti-intellectual play in this blog. You know, the "I hate intellectual hipster snobs but I'll say so while just referencing enough of their intellectual and cultural references to prove that I know more than them" attitude. That said, I find it funny and ridiculous that you actually took credit for being the first to come up with the idea that "culture" is just stuff you buy. This is exactly the stupid pseudo-intellectual kind of thing one hears in those hipster bars and coffee shops you make fun of! Theodor Adorno coined the term "culture industry" in 1944 to describe "your" incredible insight. And he wasn't even close to the first.

Hey Snobby - thanks to you and LA for dragging my sorry ass around the south end of Central Park yesterday. I thought I recognized you guys but was too stuffed to actually use language at that moment. Recovered and yet I am as slow as ever. Must be the valve covers.

I thought the fixed gear specific shirt and the 'fixie way to inflate your tyres' were neck and neck for the gold medal in fixie related dumb but then, Whoosh!, out of nowhere we have some guy wanting fixie specific dust caps. Genius, please let it not be a joke.

hey i done fergot it at the gas station agin when i was geten my scratchits but i done neided a pickemeuyp so i got a coppel bennies fer the trip to knoxvile nex week okay yall needs to stop brutilizing me with yer goddamn thoughts and shit hell when i was yenger i treted peeple with respec and dinnity like the good book says do undo ethers and shit

...mikeweb...liz hatch is a pretty grounded chick, especially considering the fact that she knows she's gonna take flack for basically every move she makes...

...for every pat on the back there's gotta be a dozen jealous nay-sayers out there...& again, as a bike racer, it's not like she's making a fortune & can buy the insulation that rock or movie stars can afford...

...& speaking of "roll", i better get out for a ride before i gain any more rolls...

Well who was the idiot that actually sold him a bike without valve covers? I mean he should have been given the full presta-to-schrader adapter kit (front and rear, yes both are necessary (don't want to be caught on the "Ave" with just one adapter)), valve covers, those little silver disc screw-on type things that go at the bottom of the valve stem. This vendor should have his license pulled, or at least be severely admonished.

stevep33- I think that if you make a customized modification that is solely focused on the look and style of the valve cover, it might be passable as a fixed-conversion. If you in addition, speak the word "curate" in one of it's proper conjugations when retelling the tale of all the money you spent on the customization (also, it apparently helps if you watched the customization happen), that will help to gain the necessary street cred that your freewheel valve covers need.

jolene its ok for you to come around the trailer dont be spooked by rikim and me talking about joining the tolly bon i heard the tolly bon is in pokee ston is like the nra is in kentucky cept we aint making you were no burka yet becos yor tits are so nice like that liz lady

I also haven been enjoying that bike lane, but did you notice it is a 2 way lane and in when going the opposite way you went it spits a biker out into oncoming traffic on Kent Ave, did the DOT now make some sort of salmon run? I have seen many confused bikers going the wrong way down Kent.

I don't get it. If his tires kept deflating, why didn't he get a pump? Anyone with half a brain KNOWS that tires need to be pumped up about every other ride.( or is that my missing valve cap?) Amazing.Yeah,those tall riders look pretty yuck here in Oz too. Luckily, I'm usually going so fast, that the smell wont hit until I've passed.

I applaud those who search out valve covers and left-handed wrenches. I need to feel like Einstein sometimes. (obviously, I suffer from low self-esteem and fall down a lot, hence my single-speediness rather than fixie-ness, not that I don't still fall down...I must have pissed of Gravity in another life.)

Hey - why all the negative comments on the fixie douches? They're a great source of entertainment. My favorite is when they get all randy and try and race me over one of the bridges. Their innate arrogance means they have to lead, which is fine by me. Not only do I get a free ride, I always get to watch them completely blow-up 2/3's of the way up the climb. Like Colt 45, it works every time!

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!