The unexpected death of Sir Laurence Olivier on July 11, 24 years ago, has delayed the release of the audio version of What We Found in the Sofa and How It Saved the World. The audio book, which, according to Amazon, was slated for release on July 16, 2013, would probably have been read by Lord Olivier in the same voice he used for Richard III. Upon learning of Sir Larry’s death (those of us who knew of him felt privileged to call him Larry) the producers of the audio book scrambled to secure the services of the real Richard III, who had been found in a British car park earlier this year, thereby setting themselves up for yet another disappointment. There is no word on a revised release date for the audio book.

Apparently, Richard had been searching the car park for lost car keys. Witnesses reported him studying the asphalt intently.

This is Allie. I told Allie my book is a picture book, but she must not open it until midnight of her tenth birthday. I also told her every copy of my book comes with bunnies. This is what happens when unscrupulous authors try to sell books.

Of 31 attendees at my first book-signing, five were people I owed money to, one was a process-server, and two, inexplicably, were children.

My first book-signing will forever be my best book-signing, because of the unexpected turn out of friends, family, and former co-workers. Thank you all for being there. It meant a lot to me.

Since Thursday’s book signing at the Carle Place Barnes & Noble is for kids, and I tend to tower over most kids, and they insist on invading my personal space and looking up, I’ve adjusted my nose-hair clippers to the machete setting and spent a productive hour grooming myself. No point in me grossing them out. I’ve got a book to do that. (The results of the grooming, possibly mixed with a little alpaca wool, will make a nice sweater.)

My nose-hair clippers. So far, I've had no problem taking them on the plane with me.

Today, July 9, 2013, What We Found in the Sofa is being published in New Zealand! But since New Zealand is on the other side of the International Date Line, the book was actually published yesterday. Or maybe tomorrow. Or possibly last Thursday. Anyway, it's out, and if you're a Kiwi reading this, or even the last surviving Moa, hiding from tourists on the Milford Track, grab yourself a copy and settle in.

New Zealand

(The last time I was in New Zealand, I was lost for two weeks in the Waitomo Glow Worm Cave. The glow worms kept banding together to create fake EXIT signs and I kept cracking my head against the walls. This was almost as bad as going to the Punakaiki Pancake Rocks and discovering it wasn't a restaurant.)

In a weird coincidence, this is also the day the book is being published in New Zealand's antipodal location. An antipodal location - a place's "antipodes" - is the location on the globe diametrically opposite the original location. For New Zealand, this place is an island off the coast of France. I'm hoping there's at least one bookstore there.

Jeremy Holmes has kindly sent me original art from What We Found in the Sofa and How It Saved the World, to celebrate the book's publication this week! It's the illustration from the beginning of Chapter Four, GORLAB vs. Alecto, and shows the creepy mailbox in the creepy gatepost of the creepy Underhill mansion. This is the kind of art that speaks to me, and it demonstrates Jeremy's terrific talent. Or possibly my psychiatrist's utter incompetence. No, no, the voices are perfectly normal. Except for the one that sounds like Yosemite Sam on helium. Where was I? The artwork. It's wonderful.

I love it.

And, by the way, that is my real nose, my real mustache, and my real eyebrows. I am not - repeat NOT - wearing "Groucho glasses."