Jokes Page 6

"Hey Karthik, got some jokes - if you
like them post them on your site!!"

Actual English Subtitles Used In Hong
Kong Films Part 1

The following are actual English subtitles
seen in films from Hong Kong.

I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.

Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.

Gun wounds again?

Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.

A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.

Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.

Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.

Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?

This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the
scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your
toenails and leave them out on the dessert floor for ants
to eat.

Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.

I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!

Actual English Subtitles Used In Hong
Kong Films Part 2

You daring lousy guy.

Beat him out of recognizable shape!

Yah-hah, evil spider woman! I have captured you by the
short rabbits and can now deliver you violently to your
doctor for a thorough extermination.

I have been scared silly too much lately.

I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's
hair!

Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.

The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?

How can you use my intestines as a gift?

Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form
a team up together and go into the country to inflict the
pain of our karate feats on some butt of the giant lizard
person.

You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous
rice chicken.

10 Ways I Know I've Had Too Much
Coffee...

Saw elephants

Tried to catch said elephants

Disco danced around my cubicle at work

Had to re-mortgage the house to buy more expresso

Bartender told me I'd had enough

Heard sloshing sounds when I walked

Shook too much to hook up the coffee IV

Supported the other half of the Colombian GNP

Been to the John 15 times in the last 30 minutes

Seizures are starting to affect my driving.

10 Rejected Flavors Of Kool-Aid

Drunkenberry Punch

Strawberry Escargo

Tastes Like Teen Spirit

Toxic Yellow Surprise

Roadkill Red

Rocka-fishy Tuna

Chocolate Fudge Ripple

Picklejuice

Shrimp Cocktail

Sea Monkeys

A young couple were having their first fight, and it was a big
one. After a while, the husband said "When we got married,
you promised to love, honor and obey."
His bride replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an
argument in front of all those people at the wedding."

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing
about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for
help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is
drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a
hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he
reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to
shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said,
"Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the
third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my
mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my
luck. How much do I owe you?"

A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward
whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind,
pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners,
then I'm against it.

But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield
against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds
into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm
for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress.
How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male
clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten
yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over
his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth,
then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and
pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa
will pay the bill," she smiled.

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in
this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.

The Psychic Hotline

A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal
Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about
you."