Kathy Eldridge, founder of Spar-Clean Services LLC, a
carpet-cleaning business in Muskego, Wisconsin, expressed her
frustration over the ad she'd been running in local
publications and directories. Her biggest worry is that the ad
lacks a clear focus. Well, she's right. It's a rumpus room
of an ad, a bit too helter-skelter to invite the eye. So, here are
some suggestions to make her ad leaner, meaner and more
focused:

First, let's hoist one of the strongest elements, the
warning message, to the top. Humankind's two most powerful
motivators are fear and greed, so here's a case where we need
to push the fear button. My recommended headline is, "Avoid
These...6 Carpet Cleaning No-No's!" The subhead provides
potential customers with a number to call for a taped message of
those errors. Remember to stay away from headlines like the one in
Eldridge's current effort. A "we" message is
basically self-congratulatory and chest-pounding. The prospect
wants a "you" message, direct or inferred, because it
relates to them, not you.

Eldridge also needs to siphon out the third-party logos in the
ad and collapse some of the copy to reduce overcrowding and sharpen
the focus on a single message. I'd keep the creepy dust mite,
though. The temptation is great to cram every possible benefit into
a small ad. But providing some breathing room allows the important
elements to stand out and have much more impact on the browsing
reader.

Jerry Fisher is a freelance advertising copywriter in the San
Francisco Bay area and author of Creating Successful Small
Business Advertising (available through Bookmasters,
800-247-6553). If you'd like Jerry to consider your materials
for a makeover in this column, write to him c/o Entrepreneur
or e-mail him at jerry228@aol.com.

Contact Source

Spar-Clean Services LLC, (888)679-9691, fax:
(262)679-3320

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