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Category: Random 411

Have you ever watched a movie where you were thinking, through the entire movie, “okay, this is pretty good,” “not bad,” “I’m liking it” and then in the last fifteen minutes or so you’re like “what the heck?”

And then you’re thinking “no, but I liked it” and you have another part of your mind going “did you? did you really?” and you answer back “I did. Seriously. Well, I think I did?”

This. All of this. Like, an hour ago.

I’m still not feeling well. My mind is still in static mode (remember the snowing TV? Yep, still there). Still tangled and, therefore, a lingering mild headache is still present. So I decided to journal a bit. Which helped. But now and then the slight pounding takes precedence so I stop. I decided to watch a movie while dozing in and out of consciences.

Sliding Doors starring Gwyneth Paltrow (remember her?), written and directed by Peter Howitt. Like I mentioned earlier, I was looking for a distraction, but it started to get a bit interesting. Especially dealing with themes that portray the “what ifs?” and “by chance?” story lines. I’m a sucker for that only because, really, all it takes is a moment to change the course of life. But I won’t get into it just now. So, back to the point of this post.

So, like an hour ago I was really getting into this movie. I like the story it was telling (and I’m not going to go into it because that will be like movie reviewing, which really should be its own post). And then we get to the last fifteen to thirty minutes and I’m thinking “what just happened?” when the credits start to roll.

Reflecting upon this, it could be one of two things. Either a major plot twist through you off-balance, changed the atmosphere so to speak, or a plot point just didn’t make sense and it ended too abruptly for your mind to process it naturally. I’m sure I’m missing other possibilities, but these are the two I could think of with a mild headache and a major “what just happened?”

I’m still trying to figure out which one is it, but wow. I mean, wow. One moment I’m watching the movie and cautiously enjoying it and then BOOM! “huh?” I did feel that’s the direction the movie was taking so I wasn’t surprised, but I was. Surprised and not surprise. At the same time. It’s an interesting and puzzling feeling, but there it is.

And if I decide to review this one . . . well, hopefully, I’ll figure it out by then.

Like this:

So, it’s almost midnight and again I find myself in that world between the real world and dreamland, dozing off while trying to read my new read when I come across this scene that wakes me up. I go from minutes away from dreamland and now I’m . . . not wide-awake per se, but it has my brain in overdrive.

He chews his slice halfway through before saying, “Maybe the point is to just sit and be still and not fight it so much.” At my blank look, he says, “Don’t try to be good at it.”

I shut the binder. “What’s the point of doing something if you’re not trying to get good at it?”

He gives me a funny look. “To just experience it.”

They Possibility of Now by Kim Culberton

It struck a chord with me. Getting it right or experiencing it? And I understand the point of the quote is “getting good at it” but I thinking getting it right can apply to this too. I think there are exceptions to everything but it feels like the standard focuses more on the first. Getting it right. It reminds me of a conversation I recently had. We were talking about shame and what a powerful emotion it is. It was mentioned that it often comes from wanting to fit in or to be “normal” or to not make any waves, so to speak. We want to be accepted so we develop behaviors accordingly. I had it confused with guilt. However, it was clarified the difference that guilt is when we have injured someone else while shame is how we feel about ourselves.

And what do guilt and shame have to do with getting it right and experience? — you might ask.

Excellent question. No idea, except that need, perhaps that want, to get it right. From this perspective, getting it right means doing what everyone else is doing. Getting it right means acceptance. In this case, you’re overlooking experience.

And I think this scene struck a chord with me because the main character was trying to meditate, which she sucked at because she couldn’t quiet her mind. The how-to articles on meditation didn’t tell her how she could quiet her mind so she insists that it missed a step. I can relate. I have the darndest time trying to quiet my mind all. the. time. And that includes meditation because I’ve tried that. I couldn’t help but laugh reading this part because that’s exactly what I would think. Not out loud or even be aware that I’m thinking it. I would (coughs have) googled “meditation” and “clear your mind” and even “mindfulness” because I’ve recently been told that I have a hard time staying in the present (which didn’t exactly come as a surprise to me but it was nice to have confirmation that I am, indeed, “checking out” from time to time).

This was a reality check for me. That maybe the point of meditation or quieting your mind doesn’t mean void of thought. Maybe the point is to experience it. To let your body go with it. Work your way to a quiet mind, you know? And I think I heard somewhere (oh! I remember. It was at a workshop for work. On mindfulness, now that I think about it) that that’s exactly right. That mindfulness doesn’t necessarily mean “no thoughts” but an awareness of what’s going on in the here and now.

Needless to say, I’m enjoying this book and I’m looking forward to finishing it.

Can you believe that? It’s already May! As in, May 1st! As in, 5 months into 2017! As in, 6 months away from the holidays!

It feels like every time I do these “Hello, Month” posts I say “I can’t believe it’s already [name of month]!” It’s redundant, I know, but I am genuinely surprised when the new month arrives. Seriously. I feel like I just said goodbye to 2016 and hello 2017 and now we’re almost halfway to the end of the year. So. Fast.

And every time I do one of these “hello, month” posts I tend to reflect on the previous month. Was it good? Bad? Busy? Did I accomplish want I wanted to do in the month? And I do it without even wanting to. It just happens, you know? A quick calculation of all the things I haven’t done. Such a downer, I know. Perhaps I should change this perspective because if I’m honest, I never accomplish anything that I want to accomplish because I never really sit down to say “hey, this is what I’m gonna do this month.” Ideas float around in my head and “make a note of that” type thoughts but I never really commit to anything.

Not that I want to of course. I know that’s the responsible thing to do. Sit down. Assess. Figure out what I need to get done, what I want to get done, and what can wait. But that’s not me. It’s not quite who I am. I’m not making excuses either. At least, I don’t think I am. I’m sure you’ve met people out there. People who aren’t really planners. If you haven’t met someone like that–“Hi. I’m the infojunkie behind 411junkie and I’m not a planner.”

Okay, getting back to the point. It’s May!

It’s May! April was a bit of a blur, but then again, if I’m being honest, all of 2017 has been kind of a blur. I know that I’m really focused on school and I’m pretty good at it. I’m on the home stretch, with only 54 more credits to go. I’m finishing up Russian History and in June I’ll be studying Viking History. Followed by Ancient Western Philosophy. And I know I’ll sound like a geek, but I am seriously excited about these classes. #historygeek #loudandproud So if keeping my grades up was a goal, then I’m 1 for 1.

And that’s a good score for me. Depression is a tricky thing to whether through and I think I’m doing pretty darned good all things considered.

So, May. My commitments this month would be to continue my diligence in my studies. Continue to write (and if at all possible, write MORE!). And most importantly, try to stay in the moment.

At the end of May, I want to be able to say “What a great month that was! Not bad. Not bad at all.”

Like this:

Can you believe it’s already April? I certainly can’t. I wonder what it is that makes it seem as if time is flying by. Is it busyness? Is it because we’re on auto-pilot? Is it because we’re so busy trying to live life that we are forgetting to enjoy life?

I remember summers that seemed to last forever. I remember sleepovers that seemed to last as long as fun and friendship was needed. I remember … well, now I’m not sure if I’m even making a point. While I do remember those things, I also remember times when I was having so much I can’t believe it was coming to an end, like a summer camp program or a night out with friends.

I wonder what it is that slows time and speed it up even though there are only and always 24 hours in the day. Perhaps I should start gauging the times I feel like time is moving slowly, like the last few minutes of your work day, and when time moves quickly, like how it’s already April when it feels like we just celebrated New Years.

Anyhow, I can’t believe it’s already April. A new month. A new slate. A new 30-days to make every minute count.

Like this:

Wow! After posting my thoughts on P. S. I Like You last night, I decided to scroll through my posts to see what more I can add to the many draft posts when I notice that it’s been a long while since I posted a book review! I couldn’t believe it. Things have been busy, life has been . . . a bit chaotic, but I didn’t realize it’s been months since I posted about a book. With all the books I’ve been vorociously reading I’m shocked that I haven’t posted more.

So then I started thinking why is that and I think a part of it is the inner battle that I want to post stuff because I like posting stuff. Even if it isn’t good stuff the process of me writing about stories is soothing. Weird, I know. And on the other side of the battle is that I want to step things up, polish up my writing, figure out ways to make things . . . different. And I’m still figuring out how to do that exactly. Between school, work, and life it’s been challenging to think up stuff.

So I just don’t post stuff, you know? But I don’t think that’s going to help any.

Moving forward, I’m just going to post what I post as consistently as possible and let it go from there. Which I think is what I’m kinda doing when I think about it.

Like this:

My official holiday began yesterday, but since I don’t work on weekends, 4:30 pm Friday was when I took a deep breath and sighed because I’d be free from official work for two weeks.

Originally, this holiday was scheduled to fly off on a family (extended family included) vacation to Disneyland, but personal matters interfered with that but you can still have a relaxing holiday even though you don’t go anywhere. After all, it’s a chance to recuperate is it not? However form that recuperation takes the whole point of taking a break from work is to take that time to relax. Free you time to do other things.

And I plan to. Not that I have a plan or anything and if I’m honest I’ve slipped these past two days on my Russian studies 😝, but it’s nice not to wake up early only to rush to work for the next nine hours.

And it’s not like I’ve just been lounging around. I’ve been reading! And I don’t care that some of you may think that counts as lounging but I assure it most certainly isn’t. Especially if some of that reason is homework, thank you very much. With this week free I can focus on writing my final paper for my philosophy class which reflects upon the philosophical puzzle “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?” I get to explain how this is an epistemological problem and how John Locke may answer it. True to my geeky self, I’m loving it!

So there’s that.

But I have read Shelia Connolly’s latest Count Cork Mystery, Cruel Winter. I love this series. I really do. I really love Maura and the gang at Sullivan’s.

And I’ve started Meg Cabot’s Abandon series which I’m finding interesting. A bit scattered, but interesting.

So after tackling my philosophy paper, there is a … desire to catch up on all those posts that I have in my queue. Which, if I really think about it, there shouldn’t be an excuse not to get a few out.

But I’m on holiday! *laughs*

Seriously hough, I have every intention to get out at least the six I have in draft mode (oh! Make that 5 since I didn’t publish my review on Moana which was one of the six. So see? I’m on track).

So, this holiday should have me recharging my batteries. Writing, reading, catching up on TV, watching movies. All are hobbies I love to do and I get to do even more of it. Win win.