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The Church of England – the church that was set up to facilitate the divorces of King Henry VIII, you’ll remember, and never mind what the Bible says (quite a lot!) about divorce – has proclaimed that if the government continue with their campaign to allow gays to marry then that’s it, they’re not playing anymore. Toys were then well and truly thrown out of the CofE pram and a nappy was soiled in some sort of dirty protest.

They may feel that they cannot be linked to the State anymore (hooray, can we now have the churches we paid for back?) and may not be able to carry out marriages on behalf of the government. Not much of a threat, by the way: in France you have to have a civil wedding as well as the spell-making of a traditional church because who is going to trust a sex-obsessed dolly into dressing up and lighting scented candles with government business? Hmmm?

Ben Summerskill, esteemed chief exec at Stonewall called the statement a ‘masterclass in melodramatic scaremongering’. He went on, on Radio 4’s Today show, ‘Many bishops in the Church of England today will be rather pleased because once again they are not talking about global poverty or the HIV pandemic – they are talking about the subject that obsesses them, and that is sex.’

We say chuck them out of the House of Lords, ask for our money back and tell them to go and do something truly Christian for a change and help old ladies with their shopping.

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The sky is falling in: official - The Church of England, 9.0 out of 10 based on 5 ratings