June 3, 2008

The sweet charms of the pure, flawed teen: 1

Let's take a break from hedonism. I've had some time to appreciate the less sensory appeal of the 16 - 21 year-old, reflecting on the experiences of tutoring high-schoolers, befriending two delightful freshman girls last year, and enjoying all of the fun but non-libertine encounters I have with young girls in dance clubs (which I would never write about here). Keeping with the staying girly theme, after each part I'll include some practical advice on how to lessen the effects of aging. Apologies in advance to male readers for this vivid reminder of how uninspiring the women around you have become over time.

Roissy caught a lot of flak for describing the perfect woman almost like an enthusiastic, loving pet, but that's basically what girlfriends are supposed to be. Push-pull behavior, where we give a little and take it away to make the other chase us to get it back, is second-order. Playful "adopt me" behavior triggers our protector instincts, as we are not moved to support and shield females who appear self-reliant, tough, and in control of their emotions.

The series will reflect this: the most endearing features of a young girl stem from her naivete and helplessness. She will be grateful that you are a Man in Her Life to cultivate or protect her, however brief the need may be (as in this nice guy encounter told by Alias Clio). Quite simply, she makes us feel truly appreciated as men. These qualities manifest themselves within friendships as well as romantic relationships, so even if you are dating or just fucking an older woman, it's worth making friends with some younger girls to keep your soul refreshed.

Charm #1: Freshness, lacking contamination by other males

The most obvious aspect of this is that she is almost guaranteed not to have any STDs. More importantly, though, prolonged exposure to males corrupts her in two broad ways:

1) As one bad experience after another piles on, however slight in degree, she becomes jaded about romance and men. This simple fact is the reason why picking up girls is so hard if they're 23 -- they are used to tons of guys approaching them with the same lines, and will view you as just another horny guy if you do so as well. Avoiding cynical treatment is why PUAS go through behavioral gymnastics during the opening or attraction stage.

2) She just has a bigger ego from having been hit on lots of times, in a subtle or gross way. This makes her more likely to tune out of an interaction because she thinks she has many alternatives to you. While this may be true from about 22 (when the ego boost really starts to show) to 25, after that, the ego remains while the beauty wastes.

Girls who have not graduated college are free of these corrosive effects on their girliness, so that you don't need to memorize a PUA playbook just to start a conversation with them and start building comfort. Even the very good-looking 18 year-olds still have not been hit on that much and remain terribly insecure about their looks, so you almost never encounter a young ice princess (unless they're red-headed).

How to preserve this charm:

Just don't go out to bars and clubs. If you're over 25, it's probably best not to go at all, unless you know there won't be many men there. Otherwise, you will only become more cynical about men and have an increasingly unrealistic view of your value on the dating and mating market. All those horny guys hitting on you fool you into thinking that you've still got it, but since you're interested in a longer-term relationship, you should focus on how many serious dating offers you've received instead. That will keep you better grounded and motivated. And let's be honest: by now, going out clubbing is no longer an insatiable urge like it was when you were 22, is it? So what are you really missing by hanging out with your friends in other places?

If you're under 25, I realize how powerful the pull of nightlife is, but recognize that its long-term effects are toxic for girls, as detailed above. Try to have one night per week, at most, where you go to a packed venue and get inundated with attention from male strangers, and another night where you go to a less crowded but still fun place. Seeing live music is a good idea since you're out, you're surrounded by people, there's good music, you feel high energy -- but the situation doesn't permit the guys there to constantly hit on you. And of course there are always gay clubs.

It's fine to want to dress hot and get some attention, but attention is addictive and it's easy to get carried away. If you're not careful, pretty soon you're jaded about romance because of all the losers you've attracted (when you dress hot, you attract all levels of guys, right?), and your ego is too big. Fighting the urge to attract lots of attention is probably the hardest challenge for a younger girl, but it will pay off in the short-term -- all that extra attention doesn't really make you feel better after a certain level -- and in the long-term, as you'll preserve your fresh-faced nature when few others will.

9 comments:

I'm wondering if you could provide some books to read on the topics you've covered in the last few weeks. Mostly to do with relationships, sex, attraction and so forth. I notice you are new to the game as you mentioned in the food game post (and also mentioned an e-book entitled "Magic Bullets"). You seem to have a good grasp of the game from a background, or framework, you are already working from. What reading would you recommend to augment a person's game?

Girls who have not graduated college are free of these corrosive effects on their girliness, so that you don't need to memorize a PUA playbook just to start a conversation with them and start building comfort. Even the very good-looking 18 year-olds still have not been hit on that much and remain terribly insecure about their looks, so you almost never encounter a young ice princess (unless they're red-headed).

I am starting to agree with you about the appeal of younger women. They _are_ much easier to approach, and it is much easier to make them laugh. Invariably the bitchiest responses I've gotten have been from approaching older women.

All those horny guys hitting on you fool you into thinking that you've still got it, but since you're interested in a longer-term relationship, you should focus on how many serious dating offers you've received instead.

Thursday -- it's understandable about older women being bitchier. I would be too if I'd had 10,000 creeps subtly or not so subtly try to get into my pants. But as they say, "to understand is not to forgive."

I think most people who are overly skeptical about younger girls just haven't been welcomed into their world. They're too overflowing with girly charm to not take a shine to them.

Dan -- I've read that Magic Bullets book, RooshV's book Bang, and watched some PUA videos on YouTube, that's it. (Search YT for mystery dex, and one guy has a really big library.)

My good background is just being a good intuitive psychologist, or "people nerd" as Steve Sailer says, and remembering everything from adolescence onward (helps to notice patterns in behavior, draw parallels, etc.).

I have a film recommendation for you. One of the best films about a young girl is Eric Rohmer's Pauline at the Beach. I know you are familiar with some of Rohmer's work, but Pauline is probably his best film, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Good stuff. I wonder how many female readers you have or the male:female ratio, since the advice is putatively to women.

The few comments left by women tend almost always towards hostility, probably because you're on the money and girls under 25 aren't reading serious blogs of any stripe--you're getting the older termagents who are offended by the fact that not only does the physique of the female rose wilt a lot faster than the male's, but that the personality tends to as well.

Thursday -- haven't seen it, but will try to get a copy. He does have a healthy obsession with coming-of-age girls, though, doesn't he? He's like the guy who wrote Heathers, and Whit Stillman too.

I didn't relate to the protagonist of Claire's Knee. He fixated on that vapid Claire over the far more bubbly girl with big, bright eyes. I only somewhat identified with the protagonist of The Collector -- mostly just at the end when he's gripped by jealousy as she's flirting with boys her own age. I'd be lying if I said I don't get that way in dance clubs sometimes.

Maybe that's a good thing, since Rohmer doesn't portray men too kindly. Those two above were interested in the younger girl mostly as a novelty object.

I wonder how many female readers you have or the male:female ratio, since the advice is putatively to women.

Probably 10 - 20% female, mostly tough-minded ones who will actually listen to reason (like Alias Clio or Lemmonex or Irina in New York). It's the opposite of who my interlocutors are in real life -- mostly female.

I just don't like shooting the bull with guys in real life, unless it's academic. Since I'm not chatty, I get bored very easily in conversations, and being able to flirt and make the other person laugh and giggle makes it easier to stay on task.

And during down moments, there's nothing I can do around guys. But if I'm with girls, I can just sit there and look pretty to hold their attention during a lull.