So I had Emily 6 weeks ago and my family still haven't met her, not because they live too far away or anything like that but I have simply been putting it off so I don't have to have her passed around like a doll. I hate it when others hold her, I get so stressed out. I don't feel I have to change that but how do I say no without offending people? My grandad called me last night to invite us to a family meal as they all want to see baby as they haven't yet as I said no visitors and have kept putting it off with "I'm busy.."

I am worrying so much about Sunday (That's when we're going)

I have been so much more protective over Emily than I was with Ava. With Ava I had gone out clubbing for a night when she was 6 weeks old, I cant bare the thought of even leaving Emily just to go to the shops yet.. not sure if my behaviour last time was abnormal or if this time it is.. either way I don't mind being so attached to Emily as she seems a happier baby because of it but how on earth can you say no to family if they want to cuddle her???

So stressed about it all xx_________________

juliebarns

Junior Member

Joined: 20 Feb 2013

Posts: 40

Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:46 pmPost subject:

Hmmm I have personally never had this problem so I don't have any experience with it, but if I were you, I would just let them know how you feel. I think that a lot of problems could be solved if you just tell them, "I don't feel very comfortable with you guys holiding my baby and this is why..." and then maybe resolve it and make a compromise.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Julie

Kell83

AskBaby Star

Joined: 20 Oct 2008

Posts: 3551

Posted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 10:02 pmPost subject:

I would say that neither is typical behaviour if I'm honest. Why don't you feel comfortable with them holding her? That's what you need to ask yourself.
Do you think he will be harmed or upset in some way?_________________My beautiful children are my life! Tommy 10 and Charlie 4 and Lily 1, Mummy loves you! xxx

abbie29

Guru Member

Joined: 24 Mar 2009

Posts: 1063

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 5:21 amPost subject:

I don't know what typical behaviour is but we had family round the day she was born and my best friend the day after. Is it that you don't want to let go of her or you don't want other people to hold her? Definitely explain to people - better to be upfront. I'm sure they are just excited to meet your gorgeous girl! Xx_________________

XxAvasmummyxX

AskBaby Star

Joined: 11 Feb 2010

Posts: 2312

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 9:08 amPost subject:

Yeh see I would say its more a case of I don't want to let go of her. She is always with me in the sling and I feel lost if shes not there. I don't really know why I don't loke others holding her.. I got so upset when my ohs family came round, took her off me and passed her round like a doll. His aunt was holdimg her for example and said to her dad "do you want to hold her" as if emily was her baby or something!

I think my main worry is my aunt and her kids (aged 6 and will be there and im worried if my aunt holds her her kids will want to hold her and im am definitely not comfortable with a child holding my baby, I domt really like ava holding her but its important they bond as sisters. I just have this horrible feeling my aunt will just let her children hold emily without even asking me.

Another reason I domt like people holding her is because people feel the need to touch a babys face when god kmows where their hands have been! Just really annoys me that people do that. I would never hold a baby without washing my hands first and even then I wouldn't touch someones babys face.. ugggh I dont know why im so stressed. I might just call im sick lol save me the bother as im just not ready yet.. I dont want them to realise im putting it off though as I dont want them thinking theres something wrong with me when theres not _________________

nutty1

AskBaby Legend

Joined: 03 Jul 2008

Posts: 17590

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 10:23 amPost subject:

I wouldnt put it off any longer tbh, just put a brave face on let them meet her. I know for a fact my family would be pretty upset if baby was that old and they still hadnt met her. They just want to share in the joy of the new baby._________________Ttc since December 2007!

Kell83

AskBaby Star

Joined: 20 Oct 2008

Posts: 3551

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 11:26 amPost subject:

I think the longer the put it off the worse you will be about it. You can simply tell your aunt you don't the kids holding her, I don't see that as unreasonable at all.
I too think my family would be feeling quite upset if they had to wait 6 weeks or more to meet any of our children.
No body wants you to feel bad about it but I think possibly this is slightly irrational and your worries are being exaggerated by your imagination?
I don't want that to sound horrible, but in a lot of things in life the thought is often worse than reality._________________My beautiful children are my life! Tommy 10 and Charlie 4 and Lily 1, Mummy loves you! xxx

XxAvasmummyxX

AskBaby Star

Joined: 11 Feb 2010

Posts: 2312

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:26 pmPost subject:

I woukd say the main reason is because the same aunt when she came to see ava, held ava and when I asked for her bavk she said no.. she didn't say no horribly but she just wouldnt give her back when I asked. To be honest I dont feel bad that they havent seen her as they have asked me to come to theirs and not offered to come here and I dont see it as my job to take emily there they should come here I would of though??

What I might do is keep her witj me and say theu can look at her but not make a fuss as to not make ava jealous which tbf I dont want ava feeling left out and disliking Emily because of it.

I guess im just being selfish and hogging my baby because I know shes going to grow up too fast as it is and I dont want to be apart form her for even a second. I dont think ill have anymore so makimg the most of her xx_________________

nutty1

AskBaby Legend

Joined: 03 Jul 2008

Posts: 17590

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 7:30 pmPost subject:

Would it really be that bad to let her be held? Surely you could let her be held just for this occasion, after all she's all yours again after. It just doesnt seem very nice that its basically a 'you can look but not touch' rule, its a bit odd and still hurtful in my opinion. Id be pretty gutted if on the 1 occasion I finally get to meet the new baby in the family Im told I cant hold her/ fuss her or anything. _________________Ttc since December 2007!

XxAvasmummyxX

AskBaby Star

Joined: 11 Feb 2010

Posts: 2312

Posted: Sat Aug 10, 2013 10:45 pmPost subject:

I think if they were to give her back when I ask or if she started crying it wouldn't be so bad but I just know theu womt give her back as they didnt when ava was a baby. And I know emily will cry as she cries when my oh holds her.. I get tearful myself when she cries, I hate it, that's why I bought the sling so shes with me constantly even when I do the housework

I really cant put my finger on why I feel this way 100% I understand I probably sound mean but its not intentional im jusy extremely over protevtive of her.. I think as long as they wash their hands before holding her, dont kiss her, give her back if she cries and dont pass her round like a doll (ie not over stimulating her and giving her a break between cuddles) then I would be ok with it. But in all honesty its easier to say no than "here are the rules to holding my baby" I dont want them to think im weird for being protective.

I dont understand though as I personally never ask to hold other peoples babies.. I dont know why someone would want to cuddle a baby that wasnt theirs but each to their own I guess xx_________________

ruth1980

Active Member

Joined: 12 Feb 2008

Posts: 121

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:45 amPost subject:

To be honest I know how you feel my son is 5 now and when he was born my partners family were holding him kissing him and to be honest doing what I describe as "snatching him off off me". I felt reallystressed, when he was bout 20 minutes old they barged into the birthing suite and put a dirty 50pence in his hand for luck. I'm pregnant now and I think I ill be even more stressed this time round I'm even going to try and breast feed this time round because they were always taking him off me to feed him . I was talking to my manager about it and she told me she used carry round a set if rules to her children handing them tyo her sand her husbands family, she is really assertive and together so can do this. I come off a bit emotional so if I did this people would think I was crazy, I think you can either tell them over the phone before you get there that you will bring her round but please no holding as you don't wasn't to make Ava jealous , or say you are feeling a bit emotional and would rather just you hold her at the moment then if they act funny you just dont have to go.

XxAvasmummyxX

AskBaby Star

Joined: 11 Feb 2010

Posts: 2312

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 5:46 pmPost subject:

Well I went and everyone hekd her. I was ok to begin with but toward the end of our visit my nan held her and wouldn't give her back even after I asked 5 times.. in the end I got a bit angry and said just give me my baby. I asked for her back as she was kissing her face and although she doesn't have one atm she suffers from coldsores.

Everyone was saying I will make a clingy baby having her in the sling to which I just said thats fine because she wont cry for ne in her 20s so I need to make the most of it seen as shes probably my last as my nan has already expressed her opinion on me having another

Ah well got it out of tge way snd now I csn hog emily all to myself now xx_________________

Bobski1980

Senior Member

Joined: 29 Aug 2011

Posts: 311

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 6:17 pmPost subject:

I know exactly how you feel I was the same when I had my son. I didn't say anything to anyone I just let them hold him, but I think I've put my finger on what I didn't like. I think it was that once I'd passed him over he would be out of my arms for maybe an hour while he got passed around. I didn't mind my sisters holding him because of he cried they would give him straight back as they have kids and they understand its horrible when your baby cries and you can't get him back. But not eveyone would. I also didn't like him passed around like a parcel without being asked if it was ok and also didn't want children holding him. One of my friends passed him to her 3 year old and I was horrified but I didn't want to fall out over it. I'm pregnant now and hoping I will be a bit more relaxed this time but I feel so protective over my son it's overwhelming, I won't even let anyone babysit. I have asked myself if I have a problem I'm not really sure but I know I feel very anxious if he's not with me. However, as hard as it is its also important that they build lots of attachments and rationships with family and I think you need to try to let this happen. Your family must be desperate to meet her so maybe you should be honest and tell them how you feel. I have started telling people now how I felt when my son was born and they have been really understanding. Can you grin and bear it for an hour or two?? I think we may be in the minority as my friends with new babies don't seem to mind their little ones being held. Good luck huni xxx_________________

RachN3Babies

AskBaby Star

Joined: 13 Sep 2008

Posts: 2927

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:30 pmPost subject:

I can't stand other people holding Alice either... I was the same with Charlie and Lewis too.. I don't know what my problem is.. Certain people I dont mind.. But most people I do.. I also don't really let anyone else feed her.. I think Joe's fed her a handful of times and my mum has started a feed twice... But I can't stand it and take over or hover.. I was fine with other people feeding the boys though.. I won't even leave Alice unless I know I'll be back to feed her again.. (she's bottle fed)... I think it's just a mummy thing.. X_________________

ladygaga

AskBaby Star

Joined: 01 Mar 2009

Posts: 1876

Posted: Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:54 pmPost subject:

I was like this with some people when jack was very small. Didnt like him being passed around and awkward like you say when people just dont want to give them back. I find it is the older generation like your nans etc who are usually the worst offenders. We know they want a cuddle but its when they struggle to hand them back, telling you what you shouldnt be doing while they are holding your baby and especially people who suffered with coldsores kissing them. That was my worst with my gran, shes got a heart of gold and was so hard asking her not to 'over kiss' his face knowing she gets them. x_________________