This week in Juicy Bites, we discover:

3 language habits that take power away from our words, according to Tara Sophia Mohr

The importance of bringing awareness to self-talk

A visual aid to make sure your body language backs up the power of your words

At the end of this post, we encourage you to join us for a conversation. This week’s Juicy Bites question for you, dear emerging women, is:

1. How to Talk to a Woman Without Saying, "Great Boots": A Guide for Women via Slate

When meeting women or girls for the first time, what are you likely to ask them? The easy go-to is often a compliment about their appearance. We women have great style, it's true, but there's a lot more substance to us than our spectacular shoes. This article invites us to get creative when striking up conversations with our fellow females, and outlines why it's so important to make the effort.

“['Great boots!'] is a scourge not just because of what it says to girls about what we value about them, but also because girls absorb this mode of interaction and use it for the rest of their lives."

Has anyone ever suggested that you water down your words in order to appear more marketable or to appeal to a larger (younger, whiter, etc.) audience? Writer Vanessa Willoughby takes inspiration from bell hooks and refuses to write small.

“Why should I back down? Why should I be made to feel ashamed for pursuing a writer’s life that speaks to my experiences?”

Tara Sophia Mohr, expert on women's leadership and well-being, identifies common communication mistakes that keep women from "playing big." She also offers insight into the motivations behind these mistakes and suggests new, stronger language habits we can form instead.

“Our words are our opportunity. That opportunity is bigger than ever before because women are more literate than ever before and have access to technology — from laptops to email — that amplify our communication."

It's not only the words we say that have power, but also the words we think. Self-love advocate Dayelle Deanna Schwartz addresses the problem of negative self-talk and the power of a simple word substitution to shift our self-perception.

“While this incident didn't stop my habit of immediately berating myself for a mistake, it did raise my consciousness to begin a new habit -- using gentler words when I did something I didn't like.”

We've touched on the language of our speech, writing, and thoughts, but what about the language of our bodies? If actions speak louder than words, we might all want to take a look at this infographic to make sure we're sending the signals we're intending.

We are excited to start a conversation and learn more from YOU, dear emerging women. Please join in with a comment below:

Mindfulness

Self Compassion

self-love

Tara Sophia Mohr

well-being

body language

emerging women

Featured

feminine leaders

Juicy Bites

women leadership

What do you think? Let us know below.

Wendy

When you speak from the heart rather than from your head I have found the conversation is more real and the opportunity for both parties to learn and grow increase tremendously. We need to listen take a breath and then respond in our conversation then it is not a defense statement but hopefully one that opens the door for more heart felt interaction. Every interaction with another human being is an opportunity to reach our highest potential, however, I agree it is easier said then done to take a breath before responding especially when we feel attacked. But hey it is worth the practice and it usually pays off.

Lorena

It is a subtle difference but I'm a more powerful and effective communicator when I stop trying to (teach, remember, share information, deflect, convince...). Instead when I speak from a place of authenticity and listen with the intention of really understanding the other, this is when the conversation gets really interesting.

Kaz

When I stop worrying how I am seen or heard, my words carry power and invite respect. I don't have to wonder if I am speaking authentically; I am. I don't have to worry if my heart is listening; it is. Speaking with awareness of my own authority, in the present moment, I am confident enough to offer each word meaning, so my speaking is received with clear and present listening. This is powerful. It is effective. This kind of communication, in true presence, is most effective in powerful, meaningful change.

emergingwomen

This reminds me of Pema Chodron's advice to take a breath to avoid "biting the hook" or "getting hooked" by old patterns. Have you read this one? http://www.shambhala.com/don-t-bite-the-hook.html

emergingwomen

Were you at EWLive13? What you're saying reminds me of the first exercise we did in the Power Circles on Thursday - - practicing not "active" listening, but listening just with the intention of understanding and sort of internally rooting for the speaker. It helped us respond from the more authentic place you're describing, and it immediately upped the intimacy and juiciness of the conversation. Did anyone else feel like this?

Wendy

No I have not read the book Biting the Hook, however it sounds like a good one I have added it to my books to read. Thank you.

emergingwomen

Kaz - Thank you for this powerful reminder to trust ourselves!! If we keep making choices in alignment with our truth, the truth will shine in our words.

Kaz

Yes, eventually. When speaking, a key factor in keeping the focus from sneaking back into self-doubt is First, let the authentic voice that really has something to Say, speak the words clearly: not the "Self" who needs to be heard. Then, just as important: stop talking when there is no more to say! Funny, but I forget that sometimes. When the authority of the words runs out … Boom. I'm left standing there with me and my wee little self. Then-- I'd better be blessed honest and humble or I'm REALLY sunk! I've talked my foot into my mouth b/c I was so worried about how I was coming across! So, I learn.

Kaz

I love this idea. Just the added time one breath takes. Changing the pattern. Adding awareness. It is exciting to me! Thank You!

Lorena

That's wonderful! What a cool thing to create for your speakers! I wasn't there but I did join in via live streaming on some of the sessions. This is such a powerful conversation and one that I've been seeking as I work in a very male-dominated industry (helicopter pilot). I love the legitimization of the feminine experience and our intution.

emergingwomen

"I've talked my foot into my mouth b/c I was so worried about how I was coming across!" Can totally relate to that one!!

emergingwomen

I just read that females make up only 6% of pilots. That's about as male-dominated as it gets!! Are you finding others in the workplace who are interested in this type of conversation, or is it difficult to even bring up?

Lorena

Yes, it is even less than 6% in the helicopter industry. In my current work place (medevac) it is a much more accepted conversation. I used to work in the oil and gas industry. I was constantly aware of my gender. It actually most the most challengeing aspect of my job and I was flying in very extreme arctic conditions. I used to work as an 2nd grade teacher so the contrast between a very female-dominated to very male-dominated workplace was very stark. I feel like I'd have a lot to offer in regards to sexual harassment training. In my experience most of the men weren't intentionally trying to marginalize me because of my gender but it happened on a daily basis. Exhausting.

emergingwomen

Wow - "It actually most the most challenging aspect of my job and I was flying in very extreme arctic conditions." That puts it in perspective!! We're so glad you're part of the tribe, Lorena. Thank you for sharing, and we hope to hear from you often!

Marie Cornellier

Can you elaborate between practicing not "active" listening, but listening just with the intention of understanding. I would really appreciate.

emergingwomen

Hi Marie! The way I understand it, active listening relies on "feeding back" to the one who is speaking (sort of paraphrasing what they are saying so that they know you heard them). A cool practice to try instead is to forget about the "active" part and really focus on receiving what the speaker is conveying. In the exercise we did with Power Circles, the listener wasn't allowed to "feed back" at all - and I feel like it led the speaker to say deeper things than she might have otherwise. Anyone else want to weigh in on this?

lisamanyon

I believe that our words are our honor. Because words have the power to harm or heal, choosing our words wisely is more important than ever. This reminds me of the first of the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz "Be impeccable with your word."

emergingwomen

What a beautiful thought to keep in mind! It looks like words are your work, too? (guessing from the e-mail address)

Emerging Women

Emerging Women supports and inspires women to express themselves authentically by providing the tools, knowledge, and network for women to lead in a way that integrates core feminine values like connection, collaboration, intuition, empathy and heart. We are a global platform for leaders and entrepreneurs to catalyze their vision, create powerful connections, and explore the many issues that women in business face today. We offer international events, networking circles, and online content that build community and know-how for women leaders.