My Journey of transformation on my quest for never ending love making everyone feel normal; one disastrous relationship at a time

Silence – Day 2

The next morning there was no hello, no hi, no good morning whatsoever. There was silence. I would love to put it all on him and say that he should have done this and he should have done that, but to be quite honest I didn’t do anything either. I made no attempt to contact him, see how he was or to try and resolve anything. I sat quietly and went about my business wondering and waiting for him to make a move. It was like our relationship had become a game of chess. Each person making a move towards each other than away in order to see who was going to be the victor. Unfortunately I’ve never had relationships work out that way. Without open lines of communication and understanding, there wasn’t much that could happen.

I resolved myself to that fact that he was stubborn and would not contact me. I knew, when I was ready, I would have to each out to him and figure out what to do next. But, what was there to do next? In my head I had already done everything I thought I could in order for us to work, to be happy, to make us a life long lasting relationship. I didn’t just believe he and I were meant to be, I wanted he and I to be forever and that would take work, but this felt like too much work. This felt like week after week, I was being ignored, being left out, being pushed to the side and I wasn’t sure exactly why or how this was happening. Could it really be because of all his stuff? It had to be right? I mean, we went from so in love to this in a matter of what felt like minutes.

Maybe we were in two different relationships. Maybe the one I was in was all rainbows and butterflies and the one he was in was cold and lonely. I didn’t really know. I thought in my heart of hearts that I was doing and saying and being everything he had ever told me he wanted in his life. How was he being so cold all of a sudden? How could he just keep pushing me away and not expect me to react poorly? In a different lifetime, just a few years ago, this would have been the end for me. I would be screaming and yelling and telling him, in a not nice vernacular how selfish and heartless he was being. I would run circles around him with my words that would be demeaning and cutting. I was not that person anymore and I did not feel the need to point out his faults in order to make myself feel better.

I chose silence too. And now it would become, a battle of wills to who could wait out the other long enough before someone flinched. A game of chicken if you will. I was not chicken, but I was also no fool. Things with us were very wrong and I needed time to decide what I wanted to do about it. For right now, I chose to do nothing. Sometimes standing still is the best option you have.

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8 thoughts on “Silence – Day 2”

I love your blog and I stop by often but I must admit, sometimes…like in this one…I experience a little bit of Post Traumatic Dating Disorder and I’m been married forever. Further proof dating is brutal.

Now that I have “known” you for two months I am going to treat you like the friend you probably would be in real life and offer some unsolicited advice. I am fully prepared (and even hoping) to eat my words but a life of listening to stories of relationships ( I owned a bar for 4 years) has taught me that what I am about to say is true…When the connection is a solid lets intertwine our lives for ever and ever the courtship is easy. It starts with a date that lasts for days and never again results in weird patches of silence and wondering. The two of you bring out the best in each other which leads to a calm and confidence. Every single lasting relationship I know has started this way. I’m sure there are exceptions…the seven year on again off again thing that turns into a real partnership but I don’t know any. If it feels hard, if it makes you feel shitty, it is not worth fighting for or fighting over. Real love is really easy to spot. It is easy.

I agree with Anna. Having been a quite a few strained relationships, where I kept trying only to find that the other person kept distancing himself, when I finally met the man I am married to, it was easy. He wanted to be with me as much I as I wanted to be with him.

I’ve played the silence chicken game too, but I do agree with the others that I don’t actually think it’s healthy. Some (agreed) space to think can be, but when it’s really a battle of wills it never feels good.