Smitten in Smithers

Episode Recap

In Bob's office, Bob tells an unseen client that it is a complex problem with far-reaching consequences; the camera switches to the client: Fin, Marcus and John are there, with t-shirts for their band, needing to know if they should go with black, white, or grey.
[Opening credits]
In Bob's office, Alice wonders what the big deal is, since Mac is allowed to have a fish, why shouldn't she have a gerbil? Bob tells her of his childhood pet, a chameleon, that used to sit on his shoulder as he practised the piccolo. Then, one day, the chameleon was on the desk, and had taken on the colour of the wood, and Bob put his math books down, killing the animal. As he begins to sob, Alice hands him some tissues.
In the kitchen, John poses with a pipe, asking which one is better, and tells the family that he's decided to try writing a romance novel. He points out that writing really could be his thing, as he came up with all those great book titles.
In Bob's office, Bob is happily singing. Alice comes in and asks about his brightly coloured shirt; Bob tells her that Inga bought it for him, and that he met her on vacation. He asks if they can cut the session a little short today, and when she agrees, he puts on a biking helmet and says that the session is over. Alice is surprised, but even more surprised to meet Inga, who is standing right behind her.
At home, John tells Geraldine that he thought that he should read a romance novel before writing one; Geraldine says he's come to the right person as she has the largest collection of romance novels in Smithers, but would trade them all for one good man. She asks how steamy he wants to write; John tells her he wants it steamy, and she gives him a book.
In the kitchen, Alice comes in and tells her mom that her session with Bob was cut short. Diane comments that since Alice has been seeing Bob, they haven't had many of their "little talks" and Alice happy says she knows. Diane then asks how her menstrual cycle is going; Alice is mortified. As she begins to talk about tampon commercials and how she would do them, Alice sneaks away.
Alice's Video Diary: Alice says that it's great to have a break from Bob's life-sucking neediness, and that she's gotten so much done, like adding forty more rubber bands to her rubber band ball. She then comments that Inga doesn't know what she's getting herself in to.
At Bob's office, Alice waits in the waiting room. A new counsellor comes out and asks if she's Alice; she doubtfully responds, "Maybe." He tells her that he'll be her counsellor for today, and that Bob has called in sick with a sore throat or something. As Alice reaches down to get her bag, she looks out the window and sees Bob go by on a tandem bike with Inga.
In Bob's office, Alice is complaining to the new counsellor about last night's dinner, and how dry it was. Ryan, the new counsellor, tells her she's a whiner, and that she doesn't have real problems, giving examples like Hitler invading Poland, famine in Africa, global warming, and avian flu.
At home, John is writing... a dark haired woman is washing clothes, then a handsome man comes in (John), telling her he's sorry to hear about her father's death. The woman tells him he won't get her father's land; he pulls her close and tells her that it's not the land he wants, it's her. A beeping interrupts; he pulls a pager from his pocket and tells her that he must go.
At Bob's office, Ryan is making Alice put 'problems' on a Problem Pyramid, starting with 'the middle east conflict' and moving on to 'Alice's pants are too tight'. As she tries to put the second one in the "Big" category, Ryan tells her "no." She hesitates over "medium" then moves down to "small".
In the bedroom, Diane is reading John's book, and tells him it's very good, although the historical details are off, but the stories are good. John tells her that Geraldine said that the steamier it is, the better it sells. Diane says she can't wait for the next chapter.
In Bob's office, Alice asks Bob if he's feeling better, but his mind is elsewhere. She tells him that she knows he wasn't sick and saw him cycling with Inga. She then suggests that for their next session, they should do something outdoors, like hiking. Bob checks to make sure she understands that hiking is a form of exercise. Alice claims that she loves hiking and does it all the time, and that Bob would know this if he asked more questions. Bob agrees to go hiking with her.
At home, John is writing... the dark-haired woman is demanding that he make love to her. The handsome man says that he could be lying to her, and maybe he just wants her land. He makes excuses for not making love to her, and leaves.
In the bedroom, Diane is reading John's book; she tells him that it's chapter four, and the couple should be doing it by now. John says he's building up to it, and asks her what's with the third degree.
In the woods, Bob tells Alice that they're hiking, not going to the moon, then tells her that Inga is coming hiking with them as he thought her positive energy would be a good influence. Alice tells Inga that she hikes all the time. Inga sets off up the mountain, with Bob following happily after her. Alice, after a while, says that she can't go on; she stops and looks in her backpack only to find rocks in it. Bob and Inga laugh; Inga says she put them in there when they stopped for gorp, and that it's an old hiking joke. Bob tells her to stop being such a sourpuss. Inga begins to kiss Bob; Bob is uncomfortable with this, but Inga claims that kissing is like breathing and that she's sure Alice doesn't mind. When she discovers that Alice has never kissed a boy, she suggests that Alice spend less time hiking and more time kissing boys. Inga tells Alice that she's lucky to have such a great man as Bob as her therapist; Alice says he's a depressed neurotic mess, and that Inga should get away from him by returning to Switzerland. Inga confesses that she has to return home sooner than she'd thought and hasn't told Bob yet. Alice cheers up considerably when she hears this.
At home, John gets back to his writing... in the cabin, the handsome man tells the beautiful woman that he wants ~all of her land~ as they lie on the floor in front of the fire. Just as they begin to kiss, the doorbell rings; it's Doris (Diane) the wife of the handsome man. He tells the beautiful woman that he's happily married and so can't make love to her. He leaves.
In Bob's office, he's on the couch, sadly telling Alice, who is sitting in the chair, that Inga is going back to Switzerland. She tells him he'll find someone else. Bob says that no one can replace Inga, which is why he's decided to move to Switzerland. He reassures her that Ryan has agreed to be her counsellor. Alice wishes him luck... then says that it didn't happen quite that way... she screams that she's pregnant. Bob is shocked and asks how that could happen, since she's never had sex. She claims that she did just last week with Abelard, but didn't tell Bob because he was too busy with Inga. Bob says he can't go to Switzerland now, as this is the biggest case in his career. He agrees to be sworn to secrecy under therapist-patient confidentiality, then begins to cry, wondering what he's done.
In John and Diane's bedroom, Diane is berating John for making his rancher a married man; she tells him that the evil rancher and Sarah have to do it... a lot. John tells her that he can't cheat on her. Diane is surprised to find out that Juan, the evil rancher, is him, then suggests that he make Sarah, the other woman, her. John begins to write again, and the words fly off the page.
At Bob's office, Bob brings Alice out to the waiting room where Abelard is sitting. Bob wants Alice to talk to Abelard about the pregnancy; Abelard is confused. Bob says that she can't run from her problems, and encourages her to talk to Abelard. Alice admits that she never had sex with Abelard. Bob is disgusted, and asks Alice, "how could you?" He turns to leave; Alice asks where he's going, and he says, "Switzerland."
Alice's Video Diary: Alice tells the camera that she got a postcard from Bob in Switzerland; he says how happy he is, that he and Inga go hiking every day and eat schnitzel and chocolate.
In Bob's office, Ryan tells Alice that the Germans surrounded Leningrad for three years, and 3 million Russians died... ~that~ is a problem, but no, he really wants to hear about how she got sent to her room for an hour. Alice says that it's okay, she's good.
At home, John receives a letter; he opens it and reads that his manuscript has been rejected as being too racy, verging on pornography. He tells Diane that he's sorry, and was hoping to bring in some extra money. Diane tells him that she didn't marry him for his money, and calls him Juan. They begin to kiss.
In Bob's office, Alice sits and waits, looking at the "Problem Pyramid"; Bob comes in, much to Alice's surprise. He gives her a Swiss cheese, and tells her that he's back for good, as things didn't work out with Inga in Switzerland, because other guys followed her there too. As he begins to cry, Alice hands him a tissue and comments, "Don't you just love happy endings?"

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