OP-ED COLUMNIST; Friends, Neighbors and Facebook

By CHARLES M. BLOW

Published: June 12, 2010

CORRECTION APPENDED

Mister Rogers would be so disappointed in me.

Aside from the people who live in my building, I know the name of only one person who lives on my block: Roger Cohen, a Times colleague.

I want to blame it on the fact that I'm absolutely awful with names and can be quite socially awkward. But that has ever been thus. Then I thought that maybe it was a city thing, but that explanation goes but so far. I'm actually beginning to believe that it's bigger than me, bigger than my block, bigger than this city. I increasingly believe that less neighborliness is becoming intrinsic to the modern American experience -- a most unfortunate development.

A report issued Wednesday by the Pew Research Center found that only 43 percent of Americans know all or most of their neighbors by name. Twenty-nine percent know only some, and 28 percent know none. (Oh, my God! When Roger dashes off to London this summer, I'll become a ''none.'')

Yet I have thousands of ''friends'' and ''followers'' on the social-networking sites in which I vigorously participate. (In real life, I maintain a circle of friends so small that I could barely arrange a circle.) Something is wrong with this picture.

I am by no means a woe-is-us, sky-is-falling, evil-is-the-Internet type. In fact, I think that a free flow of information has led to greater civic engagement. Yippee! However, I am very much aware that social networks are rewiring our relationships and that our keyboard communities are affecting the attachments in our actual ones.

For instance, a Pew report issued in November 2009 and entitled ''Social Isolation and New Technology'' found that ''users of social networking services are 26 percent less likely to use their neighbors as a source of companionship.''

And a May study by researchers at the University of Michigan found that ''college kids today are about 40 percent lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago.'' The reason? One factor could be social networking. As one researcher put it, ''The ease of having 'friends' online might make people more likely to just tune out when they don't feel like responding to others' problems, a behavior that could carry over offline.''

Furthermore, an article in The New York Times on Thursday laid out new research that revealed that ''feelings of hurt, jealousy and competition are widespread'' among children of parents who obsess over cellphones, instant messaging and Twitter at the expense of familial engagement.

There's no need to pine for a return to the pre-Facebook, cardigan-swaddled idealism of Mister Rogers and his charming ''neighbors'' and ''friends,'' but it is important for us to remember that tangible, meaningful engagement with those around us builds better selves and stronger communities. I should post that on Twitter.

CHARTS: Who's the Guy Next Door? Who Knows? Respondents who know all or most of their neighbors. (Source: Pew Research Center)

Correction: July 8, 2010, Thursday

This article has been revised to reflect the following correction: The column by Charles M. Blow on June 12 misidentified the city to which his Times colleague Roger Cohen is moving. It is London, not Paris.