No Elbow Room For LeBron in NY

MANHATTAN—The right elbow that gave Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James problems during the 2010 NBA Playoffs has not ceased to interfere with James’s decisions off the court. LeBron James, an unrestricted free agent this summer, is expected to sign with a new team as early as July, with such potential destinations as New Jersey, Chicago, Dallas and New York…until today.

Several reports have confirmed that the New York Knicks have been removed from the list because LeBron James’s right elbow refuses to live there. The right elbow, who calls itself “Greatness,” hired a publicist this week who released the following statement from the Dave & Buster’s on 42nd Street:

New York is an exciting town, but real estate in New York is just plain ridiculous. I don’t understand how anyone can afford living there, and I’m rich! The house that my body lives in now, which is a 20-room mansion, cost less than a four-bedroom loft on the Upper East Side. On general principle, there’s no way I can allow my body to move here. Sorry, but this city needs to get serious.

New York Knicks owner James Dolan is expected to officially withdraw his bid for LeBron James after reporters asked him what he thought of Greatness’s statement: “Can’t argue with that; the prices here are insane. Hopefully we can get some players who’ll be mesmerized by the big city and not care that they can barely afford to live here. That’s the new strategy.”

Since its press conference, LeBron’s right elbow has set its sights on Chicago, New Jersey and Dallas. LeBron’s left elbow, nicknamed Domination, has been relatively silent throughout recent weeks. However, there is a chance that it may resist a move to New Jersey, as evidenced a few weeks ago when Domination sent a tweet that said, “Jerz is so not hapnin dey sux lolz.”

Only time will tell whether LeBron James follows his heart when deciding on a team for next season. But don’t be surprised if his heart winds up on his sleeve.