Knickerbocker's History of New York, Complete eBook

CHAPTER II.

No sooner had this bustling little potentate been
blown by a whiff of fortune into the seat of government
than he called his council together to make them a
speech on the state of affairs.

Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the
Roman populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical
flute or pitch pipe. Wilhelmus Kieft, not having
such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that
musical organ or trump which nature has implanted
in the midst of a man’s face; in other words,
he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the
nose; a preliminary flourish much in vogue among public
orators.

He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of
his utter unworthiness of the high post to which he
had been appointed, which made some of the simple
burghers wonder why he undertook it, not knowing that
it is a point of etiquette with a public orator never
to enter upon office without declaring himself unworthy
to cross the threshold. He then proceeded, in
a manner highly classic and erudite, to speak of government
generally, and of the governments of ancient Greece
in particular; together with the wars of Rome and
Carthage, and the rise and fall of sundry outlandish
empires which the worthy burghers had never read nor
heard of. Having thus, after the manner of your
learned orators, treated of things in general, he came
by a natural roundabout transition to the matter in
hand, namely, the daring aggressions of the Yankees.

As my readers are well aware of the advantage a potentate
has of handling his enemies as he pleases in his speeches
and bulletins, where he has the talk all on his own
side, they may rest assured that William the Testy
did not let such an opportunity escape of giving the
Yankees what is called “a taste of his quality.”
In speaking of their inroads into the territories
of their High Mightinesses, he compared them to the
Gauls, who desolated Rome; the Goths and Vandals,
who overran the fairest plains of Europe; but when
he came to speak of the unparalleled audacity with
which they at Weathersfield had advanced their patches
up to the very walls of Fort Goed Hoop, and threatened
to smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage started
into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence
in question.

Having thus wrought up his tale to a climax, he assumed
a most belligerent look, and assured the council that
he had devised an instrument potent in its effects,
and which he trusted would soon drive the Yankees from
the land. So saying, he thrust his hand into
one of the deep pockets of his broad-skirted coat
and drew forth, not an infernal machine, but an instrument
in writing, which he laid with great emphasis upon
the table.