Tag Archives: russian cracker ad

New Girl Models

New Girl Models – Cece opens her door. Jess is standing there holding a cake, that she made, and wearing a party hat. “Happy Birthday, dude”, she says. Cece can’t eat it because she has a photo shoot the next day. She’s been good all week and has lost 4 pounds. “It’s your birthday”, Jess tells her…they’re going to eat cake, watch Clueless and try to make prom dresses out of towels…they’ve always done this. Cece thought they could go out this year. Nadia walks in. Cece thought that they could go out with Nadia and the other models. They’ve never gone out on her birthday and they’ve never spent her birthday apart…other than a time that Jess walked out on a sleep over in 7th grade because Cece accidentally touched her breast…which was stuffed. They all stuffed, Jess says. Cece begs that they go and Jess agrees.

Nick is watching a documentary on turtles. Schmidt comes in. Nick asks him if he thinks Jess would be upset if he got a turtle and named it Jess even though he had that name picked out before he knew her. Schmidt is not a fan of getting a turtle. Schmidt gives Nick a cookie. Nick takes a bite and asks if it was an extra. Nope, Schmidt was thinking about Nick and got him a cookie. “What do you mean you were thinking about me?”, Nick asks. Schmidt says he thinks about him a lot. Nick wonders why. Because Nick is his friend, Schmidt explains and asks Nick if he thinks about him. “Of course not”, Nick tells him. Winston comes in. “Schmidt got me a cookie”, Nick blurts out. “Ahhh, very nice”, Winston says, rubbing his hands. Jess comes in, heavy eye make-up, dressed up and asks the guys what they think. “Smoking hot”, she’s told. The guys give her advice as to how to hold herself, her body language yet Nick asks her if she put shoe polish on her eyes. It’s eye shadow and Nick tells her she should take it off. She isn’t looking forward to going out with Cece and the models. She wants it to be just the two of them. Last time they all went out they spent time describing objects, like a table. She says she loves Cece and if they’re Cece’s friends she should get along with them even though they’ve told her she looks like a monkey from a Russian cracker ad.

It’s Cece’s birthday and she’ll do this to hang out with Cece on her birthday. Jess asks if it’s obvious that she isn’t wearing underwear “because it should be”, she says. Nick is also going commando.

Jess arrives at the bar and greets Cece. Jess apologizes for being late but says they let a lot of people in before her…they were saving the best for last. Nadia comes up to Jess and talks about the Russian crackers.

Nick approaches Nick telling him there’s more than 1 type of turtle. Schmidt grunts, Nick accuses. Schmidt tells him it wasn’t a grunt it was a hurump. Nick demonstrates what a hurump sounds like. Schmidt walks away, obviously upset. He comes back to Nick, attempts to say something and turns around and looks out of the window. “You don’t think about me?”, he asks. “Why would I think about you?”. They’re men not animals. Schmidt got Nick a cookie because Nick likes cookies. Nick wishes he could return the cookie. If he was able to throw up the cookie and mash it into a cookie shape…he would…and then shove it down Schmidt’s throat. “You want to momma bird me the cookie?”, Schmidt asks. Schmidt tells Nick that he is going to momma bird anybody a cookie and walks out.

At the bar Jess is reenacting the monkey commercial. Nadia is really rude to Jess and asks her to dance again even though she doesn’t want to. Jess looks to Cece for help but Cece is busy flirting. Jess tells them she won’t do it again and tells them that they’re awful people. Jess says she doesn’t know why Cece would want to spend her birthday there “…it’s like years of modeling have made her dumber”. BINGO! You’re right, CEers…this is right as Cece walks up to them. “Nice, Jess”, she says and leaves.

Nick goes to Winston saying they need to turtle proof the loft. Winston gives Nick grief for not thinking about Schmidt and Schmidt cares so much about Nick. Nick can’t believe that Winston is on Schmidt’s side. Winston is taking his side because he knows how Nick is. Flashback to a young Winston and Nick. Young Winston is saying he doesn’t understand why “he” ran away because all he did was love him (we are let to our conclusion of who “he” is…as of now, I’m going with the stereotypical dog). Young Nick has a rock in hand and walks away saying he’s going to go home and put it in a jar because it’s so round…this leaves Young Winston alone. Winston points out that he tells Nick goodnight every night but Nick never says it back. “What’s the problem, Nick? Do you not want me to have a goodnight?”. Nick tells Winston that he can’t go around saying goodnight to everyone and buying people cookies. Winston tells Nick that Schmidt cleans Nick’s room every week and puts things back as he found…even picking up his dirty t-shirts, washing them, and putting it back where the dirty shirt was. Nick says he doesn’t ask for this. That’s the point Winston was trying to make. He doesn’t have to ask and Schmidt still does it for him. Nick yells that nobody buys anybody a cookie for no reason. Winston tells him it wasn’t a cookie it was a piece of Schmidt’s heart.

Jess is apologizing to Cece but says she spent the last hour having Nadia tell her how to drink vodka with her butt. Cece was embarrassed in front of her colleagues. Jess points out that Cece doesn’t work in the United Nations. “You judge me for being a model, you always have”. Jess agrees. “It’s your birthday and you won’t eat cake”. She tells Cece that she feels sorry for her sometimes. Cece hits Jess in the boob and the two break out into a boob slapping fight. Cece asks Jess to leave and goes and sits down. “Cece, you drink with mouth?”, Nadia asks. Yes, Nadia, tonight she drinks with mouth.

Nick comes in the loft. Schmidt and Winston are sitting on the couch. Nick bought a tiny cowboy hat for nothing because the store was out of turtles. Nick is informed, by Winston, that Schmidt isn’t talking to Nick right now…he’s tired of doing things for Nick that go unnoticed. “We’re still on this?”, Nick asks. What does Schmidt do for Nick? He lines his shoes up at the door (Nick tells him to stop), recording his favorite shows (Nick appreciates that), turn down service (Nick finds this weird and never asked him to do it). Schmidt breaks and cries…which upsets Nick. Jess comes out and plops on the couch saying she had a rough night and asks what’s going on. “Did you guys watch porn together again? Why do you do that? It’s always awkward.”. Schmidt and Winston leave. Nick sits by Jess. In March, it will be 10 years that Nick and Schmidt have lived together, Nick tells Jess. How does he know? Because Schmidt sent Nick an email asking how Nick wanted to celebrate. Jess asks how they became friends. Was it an accident, did Nick hit Schmidt with his car. Schmidt lived in Nick’s freshman dorm…one day he was just there. *Flashback* A mustache Nick is on the couch and wakes up to crunching. Fat Schmidt is eating raw Ramen, that belongs to Nick. Nick tells him it needs water but Fat Schmidt tells him it’s better this way. “It’s not a treat, it’s a soup”. Nick tells Fat Schmidt that he freaks him out and the two laugh. *Present Day* Nick says that after that, Schmidt was always there. Nick tells Jess that Schmidt loves him so much and it scares him. He doesn’t deserve all of Schmidt’s love because all he does is tease him. Nick asks if he’s a bad friend. Jess says no, she’s a bad friend because she got mad at Cece for being a model. “It’s a dumb thing to be”, Nick informs her. She then tells him about the boob fight and says it feels like she fell forward on a treadmill. Nick is honest and tells Jess that he feels aroused and “let’s move on”. Jess says that Cece is smart and interesting and could be doing something else with her life. She was with Cece when Cece got discovered. *Flashback* Young Cece and Young Jess are together. A woman asks Cece to take her glasses off and hands her a business card. Young Jess says that she can take her glasses off too and proceeds to do so. The woman just looks on. *Present Day* Jess tells Nick she was always disappointed that Cece called the woman. When she hears about the profession the dieting and butt drinking…Nick interrupts her and says that she can’t say “butt drinking” and move on because butts and drinking are 2 of his 4 favorite things. Jess can’t be swayed…she feels that she and Cece have nothing in common. Nick asks Jess…if they met their friends now, instead of having been friends since they were younger…would they be friends with them. “Maybe not”, Jess says and thinks she should go and talk to Cece. Schmidt comes out and tells Nick that he’s out of tears and all he has left is yellowish goo…and goes back in his room. “That’s a third of my life”, Nick tells Jess.

Jess goes to Cece’s apartment and lets herself in. Nadia is on a couch in a nighty with a man in just his boxers. She asks where Cece is. Apparently she’s been throwing up. Jess goes in to her and apologizes. Cece drive heaves a few times as Jess is trying to tell Cece that she’s an intelligent person.

Cece shows up, with Jess, for her photo shoot. Her shoot is on a spinning platform and Cece says she can’t do it. The guy from Ford is getting ready to call for another model. Jess steps up and she’s a model. The guy from Ford doesn’t believe her but says he doesn’t and tells her to go to hair and make-up.

Jess looks amazing. They’re telling her how to act for the reveal of the new show. Jess comes out and can’t walk in the heels but FINALLY makes it up to the cr. Her heel gets stick between the planform and the spinning part and she’s forced to step with one leg to keep from falling down. She comes out of the shoe and tries to get back to it. She does but doesn’t do so gracefully. She stumbles around the platform and starts doing her best Price Is Right girl job but gets stuck in the car. The man that is telling the crowd about the car tells them it’s not hard to get out of. “It’s happening”, Jess says and spills out of the car.

Nick comes out. Schmidt and Winston don’t speak to him. Nick says he got Schmidt something. He tried to get Schmidt a cookie with a Jewish star on but they didn’t have any so Nick shaped the cookie on his own to celebrate Schmidt’s Jewish heritage. Schmidt tells Nick it’s terrible. Cookie for cookie Nick tries to explain. “You gave me cookie…I gave you cookie” he repeats over and over getting more and more frustrated each time. Nick tries to say they’re even and asks Schmidt what he wants. Nick has been stressing out trying to figure out what to get him. He spent 45 minutes trying to figure out what to get him. He tells Schmidt that Schmidt loves him to much and he loves the wrong guy. Nick starts to cry. Schmidt and Winston tell Nick it’s okay. “Let it rain”, Winston tells him. Schmidt asks about the turtle and Nick tells him that he’s the only turtle he needs. Schmidt said he knew he was the turtle. The two hug it out and Winston joins in. He apologizes and then tells the guys they’re the best. They break and go off to do manly things.

Cece tells Jess that they gave her the magnum lashes. Jess is afraid to take them off, the glue. She apologizes to Cece for the night before and says the job is hard. Cece said Jess made it a lot harder LOL. Cece thinks Jess sprained her boobs.

Jess & Cece are at the loft and everybody is enjoying cake. Nick doesn’t use a fork because he has 2 great forks at the end of his arms. Jess asks Cece, if they met today would they still be friends. Cece shrugs and says she doesn’t know…but they’re friends now.