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Topic: "Please consider this job...." (Read 7394 times)

Could you/did you point out to SM that the job wants a driver, and you are not and cannot be a driver? That's a pretty huge DQ for the job! Add in the lack of public transport, your medical providers, location of your friends, and leaving the Big City would be a fairly bad move for you in particular.

You don't have to hit the ball back over the net--just let her email be the last one in the conversation. You don't have to convince her of the rightness of your decision--YOU are the only one whose opinion matters, and you already have your approval.

Just ignore the whole thing from now on.

And if she asks, just say, "Oh, I answered you, right? You got my email about wanting to stay in Metropolis." And then, just the same answer over and over: "I want to stay in Metropolis."

Just because she keeps asking for some other answer, you aren't required to keep coming up with new ones. Stick with the first one.

One other thought: It's often wisest to stick with the positive over the negative. So, "I want to stay in Metropolis" is stronger than "I don't want to live in Smallville."

Stick with that, and don't go into any other detail, not even to parse the reasons why you want to stay.

Be vague. Let her questions and arguments slide right off as if you didn't even hear them--be Teflon.

I called my doctor to discuss the job yesterday. She doesn't think applying for the job would have been a good idea, and she doesn't want me to disrupt my life too much. And a move halfway across the state to somewhere I don't even want to live certainly is a major disruption! Especially since most of my support system is here, and Metropolis is booming right now so there are better job opportunities here.

So I think that's something I will mention... if my stepmom asks. "Joan, I wanted to let you know I discussed the job with my doctor. And she recommends I stay in Seattle."

I think I would be tempted to add: "and as this is where my heart is/I really want to be, I'm going to follow her advice." Said with a smile, it lets her know that a) there's a valid medical reason for not returning to Smallville, and b) Waterlight really wants to stay in Metropolis anyway, so hopefully she will look out for jobs for you in Metropolis.

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"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." - Julian of Norwich

I don't think I'd mention the conversation with your doctor either; it's none of your Stepmom's beeswax what you discuss with her. You've thanked her for the info. and thought about it, but it's still a 'no'.

I called my doctor to discuss the job yesterday. She doesn't think applying for the job would have been a good idea, and she doesn't want me to disrupt my life too much. And a move halfway across the state to somewhere I don't even want to live certainly is a major disruption! Especially since most of my support system is here, and Metropolis is booming right now so there are better job opportunities here.

So I think that's something I will mention... if my stepmom asks. "Joan, I wanted to let you know I discussed the job with my doctor. And she recommends I stay in Seattle."

I wouldn't do this. It implies that your decision to stay in Seattle is based on a circumstance that could change. I don't think you need to justify your decision by referencing another "authority" figure. The only authority you are accountable is you (and the legal system).

As the mom of two young adults, I respect the decisions they make based on their choices versus giving me "reasons" why they can't do something. For example if I say "I saw that wonder company is offering internships next summer why don't you apply" and they say things like "I don't think I'd get it" or "I've heard bad things about wonder company" or "My advisor thinks I should try for an internship in other field".... I see those as discussion points for me to reply "Oh, I think you are selling yourself short and you should apply" or "Really, I know Jim, and Joe and Sue who all work for wonder company and they love it" or "How much does your advisor about this opportunity, maybe you should discuss this with her". But if they say "I don't want to do that because I want to do this" then I know they are making decisions based on their desires and not other people's influence or other fears.

Another update: Well, I didn't apply for the job in Smallville. Nor have I replied to my stepmom. I've decided not to mention my decision at all unless I'm directly asked about it.

I do have an interview for a part-time (but temp-to-hire) job scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon. Not only is this job in Metropolis--but, it's an easy bus commute; the pay is high enough for me to be able to afford to live in Metropolis even working part-time; and, it's for a nonprofit agency that deals with an issue very close to my heart!

*crosses fingers*

Thanks to everyone who's replied so far! I'll keep you posted.

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“The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine.”--Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know the deadline has passed, but in case your stepmom brings up another job posting in Smallville, I would go with something like, "I've lived in Metropolis for 24 years. This is home. Why would I want to leave my home?" She might still think of Smallville as "home" to you, and I would do my best to relieve her of that misunderstanding.

I am glad you didn't response to the 2nd email. It was a bit pushy, and borderline condescending. I know that I would be a tad annoyed for someone to imply that a decision I was quite sure of was made "quickly". However to give it the most kind interpretation possible, she may really believe it's best for you (even if she's mistaken) so perhaps she just got carried away. Either way the best response is to ignore the 2nd email because there is no new question in it. You don't have to reconsider or think harder or whatever just because someone wants you to. You are in charge of your life and you are sure. Rest in that confidence.

Another update: Well, I didn't apply for the job in Smallville. Nor have I replied to my stepmom. I've decided not to mention my decision at all unless I'm directly asked about it.

I do have an interview for a part-time (but temp-to-hire) job scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon. Not only is this job in Metropolis--but, it's an easy bus commute; the pay is high enough for me to be able to afford to live in Metropolis even working part-time; and, it's for a nonprofit agency that deals with an issue very close to my heart!

Have my fingers crossed for you also. And I agree with you that you should stay where you are because you are happy there.

Just one thing. I don't think she's making the suggestions because she thinks you are having trouble finding a job. Please do take into consideration the fact that your step-Mom wants you to be near her because she loves you and enjoys your company. I think she's suggesting you come closer to her because she misses you. It's really kind of nice when you think of it that way.

I'm with the "don't respond" crowd. Responding only tells SM that her opinions and ideas matter. But they don't, do they? Her opinions and ideas are at odds with what you want for your life. Don't let her have that much space in your head.

"The people who matter, don't care; the people who care, don't matter." Not entirely true, but close enough for this situation. Someone who truly has your best interests at heart will listen to you; it sounds like she doesn't understand you at all.

If you must respond, "thank you for your interest" is what I'd use to keep the peace. "Why would I do that?" just makes it seem as if you want a discussion, meaning that her idea matters.

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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

I would not reply at all to stepmom...you have already done so. To do further would be to JADE. You do not need to justify your choices. It is your life.If she says anything, then you say "I already told you I was not interested. If you see anything in Metropolis send it along."

This is assuming that you are not dependent on her or your father for financial assistance.