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Bruce Gender (Why Christians Should Listen to the Stories of our Transgender Brothers and Sisters)

“I hate the words ‘Girl stuck in a guy’s body.’ I hate that terminology, because I’m me. This is who I am. I’m not stuck in anybody’s body, it’s just who I am as a human being.” –Bruce Jenner

I watched Diane Sawyer’s interview with Bruce Jenner the other night. For two hours I got to hear herside of the story – not that I deserved to hear it. But her transparency was a gift, and I’ll be honest, I was grateful.

First thing you’ll notice in this article. She. Her. Woman. These are the words I’ll be using to identify him…Bruce Jenner. It might be a little confusing but you’ll be okay. We’re all grown-ups here.

As I watched Bruce show me her broken heart, I decided to listen to her story rather than fact-check my inner belief system. I dunno, I guess it just felt right to listen. In the midst of someone’s immense struggle to understand their inner chaos, it felt respectful to squint my eyes up with deep concern and nod my head empathetically. It seemed the decent thing to wrap my soul up with hers in hopes that she and others like her would know they’re not alone…never alone, but are loved instead, right in the middle of their brokenness.

And the brokenness they have been carrying around (some for decades), oh my friends, it is so real.

On December 28th, 2014, at just 17 years old, Leelah (Josh) Alcorn stepped in front of a tractor-trailer ending her life. She left behind this suicide note. It has been said she “blamed” her Christian parents. But when I read the letter I didn’t hear blame, I heard an explanation. Not only for her parents, but for all of us.

But…

WE didn’t listen.

WE didn’t pay attention.

WE were too concerned with being right and completely missed her despair.

I wish it weren’t true. But it is true. And Leelah is gone.

WE must do better.

Bruce talked about many things in her interview, giving me a deeper understanding of her world. She mentioned feeling like a girl at the age of eight, something Leelah felt at age four.

Hearing her talk about the lifelong game of hiding and vain attempt to make peace with herself as a man, was painful. But what really broke my heart was her experience at the 1976 Olympics. She had hoped, by winning the gold medal, that her masculine spirit would finally overshadow her feminine soul. But it didn’t.

And who are we to say she is wrong? Go ahead and think it though. It’s okay. Just know that you might be wrong. Only God knows for sure…and perhaps Bruce.

The religious debate about what Christians are supposed to do with the LGBTQ community is still going strong. We may think we need to defend the faith. (Well go ahead then.) We may think a girl feeling like a boy on the inside is an attack on Jesus. (Although I’m fairly certain Jesus can handle himself just fine.) Or we may think if we accept and love those people we will only be contributing to the moral decline of America and eventually all hell will break loose. But all hell broke loose about 2000 years ago, and that only gets to happen once.

Stand against them. Stand for them. Accept them but not their lives. Stick with the truth. Reach out to them but don’t get caught up. Fully embrace their lifestyle. Don’t go near them.

There are many different ways of approaching “them.” But one thing that works for sure – that always works…

LOVE them. No strings. No need to qualify your relationship with them. And certainly no need to qualify your love.

BRUCE:“God looks down and chuckles a little bit, ya know, and goes, ‘Hey, let’s give him the soul of a female. And let’s see how he deals with that.'”

Or maybe God said, “Let’s see how the Christians deal with that.” And I can’t help but wonder…

How have we done?

Listen, I don’t fully understand gender identity issues. But I do understand compassion, which is all I will need to make a guaranteed difference in anyone’s life.

The truth? I love you. I don’t need to know why you believe what you believe. And I don’t need to agree with you to express that love.

I love you.

The end.

Period.

And I’m not talking about “love the sinner, hate the sin” love. You know the kind…love that doesn’t feel much like love at all, at least not on the receiving end.

Pretend loveis not okay anymore. It’s time for something else.

Esther, Bruce’s 89-year-old conservative Christian mother, said in a video message to her son, “I was very proud of you when you stood on that podium in Montreal. I never thought I could be more proud of you. But I’m learning…I canbe.”

Thank you, Esther. We’re listening.

BRUCE:“I imagine God is looking down making little Bruce and he says, ‘Okay, what are we going to do with this one?’ He made me a smart kid, very determined, all of these wonderful qualities. And then at the end when he’s just finishing, he goes, ‘Wait a second. We’ve got to give him something. Everybody has stuff in their life that they have to deal with, ya know? What are we gonna give him?’

“I would sit in church and always wonder, In God’s eyes, how does he see me? But maybe this is my cause in life. I would like to think that we could save some lives here.”

Perhaps Leelah’s life could’ve been saved.

The suicide stats among transgender individuals is staggering. Over 40% attempt suicide. That number is not okay. So if Bruce can use her life to remove the kind of devastating loneliness that makes people want to die, literally, who am I to get in her way? I mean, seriously…hasn’t God used stranger things?

I understand wanting or feeling entitled to an answer to the question: Is Bruce Jenner dressing like a woman, or is he a woman who has spent his entire life dressing like a man? The truth? I don’t think we will ever know for sure. But if our desire to reach the hurting is motivated purely by love, I don’t think the answer will be so important to us. Love will be important though, because love will call them into a safe place with us.

Because love listens.

Near the end of the interview, Diane Sawyer held up an old magazine with a picture of Bruce from the Olympics. She was launching a javelin in one of the most strenuous sporting events of all time: The Decathlon.

Once called, “the world’s greatest athlete,” her biceps were bulging and her face was filled with victory.

Diane pointed to the twenty-something Bruce in the picture and said, “Help everyone struggling with what…this…is.”

Bruce leans in to have a look, and for a moment the room feels almost sacred.

15Comments

I was very touched by “her” interview. I felt it was very real and transparent. I felt his struggle and his tears. Although many think this is just another Kardashian ploy for attention etc. after the interview I was pretty sure it was not. Thanks Matt.

Matt,
You said this perfectly. As I explained to my husband I have met MANY individuals struggling with the attacks by those that profess to be Christians and make these people feel horrible about very hard, real-life struggles. Working for the State in my particular career, I met many people trying to figure out their gender identity, their sexual orientation and due to the nature of my job…when you combine these extremely difficult, emotional battles with having HIV…it’s a whole other level. I never judged them! I actually prayed with many! When they mentioned they believed in God the door was open to share! And I was humbled at the times I was called ‘their’ angel! They had no one to talk to. No one knew. And definitely no one knew their HIV status.
Friends…I plead with you all to meet people where they are! Not where you ‘think’ they should be or who you ‘think’ they should be. GOD IS WATCHING!

Amanda, thank you for listening to and loving those that feel rejected by society. My 16 yo daughter has felt called by God to work with those ‘cast away’ as a crisis counselor. You are inspiring! Thank you! !

Matt, thank you for listening with your heart. This is the right and loving way to discuss this heart-wrenching reality that so many people live every day. Contrary to popular belief, very few “choose” to live these realities, whether transgendered, gay or lesbian. Unless you’ve been there, you can’t begin to imagine the struggle, the begging and pleading with God for a miracle to make them “normal” only to wake up day after day the same as before. We ALL struggle with something and we ALL desire to be loved in the middle of our brokenness. So we have that in common… maybe we can start there.

Oh man, Matt. As if I didn’t love you enough as it was, you just took it to a whole new level. I live in the deep south and the church down here is having such a massive struggle loving people where they are right now. I am helping my 16 year old daughter love people with the eyes and heart of Jesus. It’s ironic how much people love the Christian songs on the radio but fail to LIVE them out. Peace and blessings, Matt.

Really loved this article. Reminded me a lot of a post by “Single Dad Laughing” called “I’m Christian unless you’re gay” where he talks about how most Christians address these issues in the wrong way. So often, when Christians are forced into dealing with people who are going through things like this they take the position that the entire situation is an attack on their Christianity, when in fact it should be viewed as an opportunity to EXPRESS their Christianity through compassion and understanding. There are a lot of things in the The Word about sin, and we all know the story of how God dealt with Sodom and Gamorha…but we all know now that there are a lot of situations that don’t necessarily fit into those black and white definitions that we’ve had drilled into us for generations. We have to be more open to the belief that as we intellectually mature as the humans that God created us to be as his children that we will continue to find more and more questions about ourselves both biologically, psychologically and spiritually that we will never find “Black or white” definitive answers for in the Bible. What we need to focus on when we come on situations like this that we think challenge our faith is what the Bible tells us in Mark Chapter 12:28-31…
28: And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?
29: And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:
30: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
31: And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

If you have to have it in black or white, then there it is…”Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” Well….technically in my Bible it’s in Red and White because those are the direct-spoken words of Jesus Christ Himself…’nuff said..

Very interesting perspective, Matt. As someone with a disease that has a high suicide rate, I can appreciate the urgency of getting the word out. Bruce has won a lot of hearts in his life, but none like did last week. Keep writing my friend!

Hi Matt, I enjoy reading your post, I always seem to learn a little and look at things in a different perspective with your reads which I think is good. This one hits close to home, I had a nephew on my husband side that was a transgender. During his struggles, I think in dealing with coming out and all that goes with it, he became addictive to drugs. He was so smart, funny, lovable, and always brought a smile to someone. The family, except his father, excepted who he was and loved him none the less. When he accomplished what he wanted to do with his life he then committed suicide….it was the drugs, he left a letter, despite the love from his family, he said the constant sruggle not to do drugs was to much, I miss him very much. Anyway, thought I would share….thank you

Thanks for sharing your story, Belinda. I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish things like this were easier to understand and my heart mourns with yours, especially because this has hit so close to home, literally. I’m glad he experienced some love and acceptance along the way…but wish he was with us and clean. Grace and peace to you. And again, thanks for sharing.