Toy Company Forced to Recall Surprising Selection of Products Over Choking Hazards from Fat Kids

SAN NARCISO, Calif. (Bennington Vale Evening Transcript) -- Citing new choking hazards, the Consumer Product Safety Commission on Wednesday ordered the recall of about 1.7 million toys manufactured by Little Lads and Lasses Toys (a division of San Narciso-based Yoyodyne). The items identified as dangerous included tool sets, trucks, furniture and ride ‘em style vehicles. The company had previously recalled several of its products in 2009 when smaller toys became lodged in the throats of children, but described this recall as unprecedented.

A spokesperson for Little Lads and Lasses said, “It’s almost impossible to conceive of, but the CPSC is defending claims that children are choking on toys as big as end tables. One of our most popular toys, currently being recalled, is the Pedi-Power Pickup Truck and Petrol Pumper bundle, which includes a plastic gas pump that’s about three feet high and 18 inches wide. How are children choking on that?”

But the CPSC stands by the recall order, as well as its research into the choking threats. Representatives there said, “It is hard to believe, and we completely understand the predicament this puts Little Lads and Lasses in. But the fact remains that with America’s obesity epidemic, children are now capable of stuffing a three foot high toy down their fat gullets and choking. Toy companies must be cognizant of the changes taking place in American children and accommodate this ‘growth.’ It’s just irresponsible to continue down the path of business as usual. How can parents do their jobs if businesses keep selling dangerous products to their kids?”

(c) 2011. All stories are works of satire and parody. See disclaimers.