Happiness

08/21/2018

In my study of and writings on life satisfaction, I have sought to empower myself and others with strategies that can increase our likelihood of attaining what I call Sustainable Happiness.

As I point out in my book “The Happiness Tree”, happiness is a multifaceted gem that requires the blending of various strategies to create and sustain it. Examples are Health, Creativity, Curiosity, Wonder, Self Mastery and Integrity, among others. One element I never considered was Luck. Precisely because I deemed luck to not be a strategy but rather something capricious that is beyond our control. But a concept that was recently revealed to me is altering my thinking on that.

Is luck really a random, one-off event?Or a process of placing yourself in the flow of opportunity?

In a recent TED talk I listened to, led by Dr. Tina Seelig, a Professor in the Department of Management, Science and Engineering (MS&E) at Stanford University, I learned of her work in the area of Luck and what seems to make some people luckier than others.

She starts out by explaining the accepted definition of luck, which is: Success or failure apparently caused by chance. And as she points out, chance is the operative word here. Many people determine luck to be a matter of chance and furthermore, that luck seems to favor some people more than others. But if chance were really the driving force behind luck wouldn’t the distribution of these random good fortunes be more equitably distributed? Is a lucky person more…well, just more lucky? Or is there actually some process at work behind the scenes? And if so, how can we uncover this “secret knowledge" and use it to increase our likelihood of being lucky?

So What is Luck Anyway?

No, I'm not advocating that we begin a pointless intellectual exercise. I truly believe it is useful to try to deconstruct what luck really is and whether it can be captured or harnessed to increase our success. This is where metaphors become useful in helping us get our head around the physics of luck. Dr. Seelig says that most of us imagine luck to be like lightning, striking here and there with no discernible or predictable pattern. But she views luck more like the wind, circulating around us all the time. And as we know, the wind can be harnessed, as it is in a sailing vessel. That is why she compels us to imagine ourselves raising a large sail to capture the luck that swirls around us.

What does this sail look like and how can we interpret this metaphor in practical terms that inspire different success building actions? To answer this question, I harken back to the ancient traditions of mature cultures, like those found in Asia. In many Eastern philosophies, the concept of Karma is central to leading a successful life. And while it is a complex term, with many different interpretations, there is one central tenant: Cause and Effect. Good actions beget good outcomes and bad actions… well, you get the picture. And while it may seem that the concept of Karma was dreamed up by religious leaders as a strategy to maintain social order, its reasoning actually embodies some essential truths about the nature of luck.

Dr. Seelig points out three strategies that we can practice to harness the power of luck, (or cause and effect) and use it to our advantage.

1. Change Your Relationship to Yourself - It is common for us to recognize and marvel at the wisdom of children and how their curiosity, wonder, openness and experimentation helps them learn and develop. Dr. Seelig defines this as the willingness to take small risks. Learning to walk involves risk. Playing with other children involves risk. And yet, children often dive right in, not deterred by the possibility of failure. Yet, as adults, we are far more tentative and self-protective. And while weighing the odds of success or failure is a necessary strategy in the navigation of our complex adult lives, when it stifles our willingness to reach beyond our comfort zone, it trims our sail and limits our ability to capture the winds of good fortune.

Dr. Seelig recalls how beginning a conversation with a stranger, who happened to be a publisher, sitting next to her on a plane eventually resulted in the publishing of her book, which sold over a million copies. But upon hearing that anecdote out of context, one might assume only pure luck or some other modifying factor was at play. That is why she goes on to explain that he initially rejected her manuscript for publication. Yet, in spite of this, she continued to build on this connection, maintaining contact with the gentleman, taking opportunities to share her work and passions with him and his colleagues. Eventually, her work landed in front of the right eyes and shortly after, she was a published author. Was it luck that her airline seat happened to be right next to a publisher? Indeed it was. But if she had not taken a small risk and began a conversation with him, then maintained contact, that seed of success would never have germinated.

2. Change Your Relationship to Others -In Sonya Sotomayor’s speech to NYU graduates, she admonished her audience to “Remember, that no one succeeds alone”. Every success story involves the contributions of others along the way. And if you don’t acknowledge these gestures, no matter how small, you may be inadvertently burning important bridges to your future success. Dr.Seelig revealed one of her strategies for maintaining gratitude and demonstrating her appreciation. She goes through her calendar at the end of each day and jots down the name of each person she met with. She then sends each of them a note thanking them for their time and consideration. She reveals that this simple exercise lets others know that their involvement made a difference.

3. Change Your Relationship to Ideas - Most people pigeonhole ideas into one of two camps immediately… either good or bad. But it is actually much more nuanced than that. Prof. Seelig states that hidden within the seeds of bad ideas are often something truly remarkable. And she goes on to maintain that many of the products or services we now think of as innovative or successful, started out as what many might have considered bad ideas.

To that I would add that luck is often the narrowing of options that ultimately leads you in a different direction. One of the self-inflicted challenges most of us face on the road to achieving a goal is the reluctance to define success more broadly. We fix our gaze on one narrowly defined destination and never take the time to consider the importance of what we might discover or accomplish along the way. History is replete with stories of inventors and average people who set out to create or discover one thing and ended up achieving something quite unexpected. Here are a couple of examples:

In 1856, a teenage Chemistry student named William Perkins was working to create an artificial quinine to treat malaria. Though it was unsuccessful, over the course of his experimenting with tree bark and coal tar, he discovered a new color in the residue, which came to be called Mauve. Perkins isolated the color and would go on to create the world's first synthetic dye.

Before it was used as a children’s clay, Play-Doh was a compound created by a company called Kutol Products to be a cleaning treatment for filthy wallpaper. But the product failed to sell much until schoolchildren began using it for arts and crafts projects and to create Christmas ornaments. By removing the compound's cleanser and adding colors and a fresh scent, Kutol spun their wallpaper saver into one of the most iconic toys of all time — and brought mega-success to a company headed for bankruptcy.

Allow your definition of success to be more elastic.

You may not be attempting to set the world on fire with a new invention. You may be attempting only to improve your life, whether through better relationships, or more satisfying work, etc. But any change requires you to take some risk. And risk is like raising that sail we discussed earlier, even a little bit. Without it, your position in the ocean of possibilities cannot change. To further exploit the metaphor, setting sail can indeed cause you to drift in a direction different from your perceived destination. And that’s not always a bad thing. Don’t underestimate the role of serendipity in your journey toward a goal and be willing to embrace a more elastic definition of success. You may end up arriving at a destination far better than the one you set sail for in the first place.

03/10/2018

Children learn more by example than from the spoken word. It would be difficult to communicate to a child, who has no previous relationship experience the concepts of respect, freedom of expression, shared values, support, etc. But, interestingly, they can understand when those qualities are lacking in their parents, even if they cannot articulate exactly what is wrong or how they know it to be so.

Therefore, those who have children or are in a position to influence them and who care about their intellectual and emotional development, need to examine their own relationships and how those not only determine the course of their own lives, but how they set either a positive or negative example for the young, impressionable minds in their midst.

One unfortunate side effect of a child's miraculous learning ability is that even when they observe cruel, abusive or anti-social behavior and recognize it as wrong, they nonetheless begin to lay down patterns in their own developing mind that may cause them to later replicate those behaviors. This sets up the adolescent or young adult for emotional and relational problems down the road. He may engage in bad behavior, knowing its wrong and only later admonish himself for it… "Why did I do that?"

In and ideal world, society would aspire to modeling "The Golden Rule" as the archetype for successful relations. But when parents lack the capacity to act with integrity and compassion in their own relationships, they run the risk of passing on their bad behavior, like a virus to their impressionable child. When that child reaches adolescence, he may find within himself a stranger, someone he does not like and cannot understand. This ambivalence is at the core of much adolescent and young adult angst, leading to toxic attachments that in some way resemble relationships from their dysfunctional childhood, laying the groundwork for potential drug abuse or other forms of self harm.

It may take many years for the individual to unravel and correct the complex web of learned behaviors, internal stories and dysfunctional patterns that has led to their inability to bond successfully to self and others.

How Can Adults Excel at Helping Children Build Successful Relationships?

Teach children by example. Examine your own behavior and relationships. Understand that by exposing children to irrational drama, emotional friction, abuse and manipulation, we are programming them to act out those behaviors later in their own lives. Though unintentional, this is a cruel thing to do to a young mind.

When one decides to either have children or work closely with them, whether one-on-one or in groups, it must be understood, every word, every action has consequences. Every disingenuous act is setting up a duality in the developing mind of the child observing that behavior. Potentially driving a wedge between their pure, unadulterated soul and the outer self, through which they will one day engage the world.

In Buddhism it has been understood for centuries that we achieve Nirvana through the integration of our inner and outer selves. This may explain how we are naturally drawn to those rare individuals whose persona shines from a deep, tranquil inner core and repulsed by others who present a facade of disorganized and conflicting patterns.

Ultimately, if what we want is to pass along to our children a true faith in themselves, an understanding of healthy boundaries, a sense of integrity, a value for kindness and an ability to create and maintain healthy relationships, then it is incumbent upon us to work towards those qualities in our own lives.

All too often, becoming a parent is the universal impetus for finally getting our life together.

03/25/2017

About a decade ago, I had recently sold my parents’ home. It had been paid off for years and so the proceeds were entirely profit. I had the better part of a million dollars in the bank.

Other than that, my life was a mess. I had many health problems, I was entangled in a legal issue that threatened to curtail my freedom and I was in a loveless marriage that was disintegrating. I feared that the proceeds from my parents’ home would become fair game for my wife’s lawyer once we began divorce proceedings.

Based on the dollar amount in my bank account, I could buy any car I wanted, I could take multiple trips around the world, I could relocate to a tropical island and live like a king for the rest of my life. But, given the reality of my health and legal problems, I was forced to stand and fight for my future. And as it turned out, much of the money did in fact go to satisfy legal issues, to pay for divorce settlements and to cover my living expenses during that time when I was too encumbered by such problems to hold down a job. I managed to save enough to put a down payment on a home.

I now live on a fixed income, but I have learned to manage my money in such a way that I can live as I please and even set aside money for travel. I am in a wonderful relationship, stay busy with creative projects and gardening. I am happier than I have ever been and it has nothing to do with how much money I have.

The point here is, when one aspect of a person’s life is viewed out of context, it distorts the reality of their actual experience.

Here is a general rule about money and happiness that applies to all of humanity

"It is essential to have just enough money to not worry about how bills will be paid or how to keep our belies full".

Below that line, stress and worry rob us of the emotional freedom to be happy. Above that line, other less tangible qualities like attitude, health, relationships, work satisfaction and self esteem begin to play a larger role in our overall life satisfaction”.

I have known several millionaires and many with 6 figure incomes. Here is what I have observed:

• They continue to work in spite of having plenty of money. Why? Because a healthy human spirit seeks opportunities for achievement and recognition. They need a purpose; a reason to get up in the morning and be useful or of value to others.

• They question whether friends are sincere, or just hoping some of that wealth will rub off on them. So they often associate with other rich people who don’t need their money. But those relationships are often shallow and superficial.

• Satisfying relationships often elude them. Wealth often creates dangerous liaisons. Wealthy persons are constantly approached by attractive interlopers, seeking a ride on their coat tails. These “gold diggers” can be very seductive, feigning affection while developing long-term plans to feather their nest at the expense of others. Money brings all kinds of young and beautiful people into your sphere that may not have the best of intentions.

• They struggle with how to raise their children. Should the spoil them with free tuition, cars, travel and homes, or compel them build character through tough love, by motivating them to learn the skills and discipline necessary to succeed on their own?

Here is the philosophy I live by with regard to money and happiness:

Rather than worrying about creating ever larger pot of financial resources, learn to live well within the resources you have. Chances are you’ll sleep better, have stronger, more meaningful relationships, higher quality children, more sincere friendships and ultimately a happier life than many who are burdened by heavier wallets.

03/09/2017

A big part of the frustration with modern life is the routine and monotony of repetitive activities that seem to do little, in and of themselves, to provide anything of value:

• Alarm clocks

• Commuting

• Toxic people and work environments

• Eating on the run

• Paying bills

To and from work, we might listen to stories on the radio that leave us with the impression that the world is falling apart. All of this has the effect of dulling our senses and immersing us in a shroud of fear that keeps our internal defense mechanisms in a perpetual state of readiness.

We lose an appreciation for the little things that restore joy and remind us to be grateful.

Travel can be a way to reset our mind and body, indeed our very life. We once we have arrived at our destination, we set our own schedule. Very often we hand over responsibility for transportation to someone else, whether it be a train, a taxi or an excursion operator. We can sit back and take in the scenery.

The new sights, sounds, smells and experiences broaden our awareness to the wider world and our imagination is rediscovered. Curiosity, wonder and awe are rekindled as we behold the depth, diversity and complexity of different lands, cultures and history.

To learn more, read Wes' article on Travel Local. Peruse the site and be led by your curiosity to different journeys you might plan for the future. Bon Voyage!

01/18/2017

Though they may find happiness in fleeting moments, their relationships, work and personal lives leave them feeling empty.

Fact: Much of the well-intended research and content on happiness doesn’t help.

Because it relies too heavily on platitudes, koans, and nebulous spiritualisms. These lead one to believe they are, for whatever reason, incapable of unwrapping some thinly veiled, secret knowledge. Eventually frustrated, they turn away and stop seeking, stop listening. Perhaps resigning themselves to the nihilistic message: “Life is hard and then you die”.

Why is this?

Because the entire concept of happiness has been distorted: Confused with states of mind like nirvana, elation, bliss, etc. And while a happy life certainly sets the stage for these fleeting emotional experiences, the expectation that anyone can render themselves completely immune from the difficulties of modern life causes humanity to seek solace in all kinds of destructive behaviors like: experimentation with drugs; meaningless sex with multiple partners; spending sprees that run up the credit card balance; addiction to foods; dangerous adrenaline producing activities like street racing, skydiving, rock climbing and so on. Activities that eventually may lead the participants farther from their ultimate goal.

That is not to say that all fun is bad. Certainly not. But fun that carries with it a high degree of risk, tempts fate and threatens to destroy any chance of a life balance that might actually set the stage for happiness to thrive.

Chasing that perpetual high as if we could actually catch it is like trying to run toward the horizon. The closer you get, the more it retreats from you.

How should we view happiness to bring it into greater alignment with reality?

Step out of our lives to take a broader view of the human condition. Our parents, teachers, mentors and counselors bored us to death by admonishing us to reflect on how many other people are so much worse off then ourselves. And though this can easily be written off as a pointless intellectual exercise, it is actually useful to consider the many millions of other innocent men, women and children without a place to call home, without healthy food or clean water, without basic sanitation or freedom from violence.

Losing perspective of this robs us of a basic fact:

That it is truly difficult to find happiness when we are hungry, thirsty, have no shelter, or ability to bathe ourselves. And yet, happiness survives.

Even among the most oppressed, when their basic human needs have been denied, happiness can still be experienced through the miracle of cold water, to quench the thirst, a safe, warm place to sleep, a nutritious meal with friends and family or a cease fire that raises a hope of peace.

Yet, for you, here at home, dealing with life in the fast lane, reflecting on others' misfortunes seems of little comfort when you lose a job, when a primary relationship fails or suddenly ends, when your health takes a turn for the worse, when unexpected expenses threaten to impact you financially. These do indeed lead to real emotional trauma.

Until you translate these abstract concept into action, move the set point at which you choose to be happy.

When you assume that food, shelter, water and safety are guaranteed and a matter of entitlement, these things no longer bring happiness. Therefore, we unwittingly place our set point beyond those basic needs. “Yes, I am safe, warm and healthy, so what? I don’t have ______________ “ (fill in the blank). We are unable to recognize all the we DO have and find gratitude in that.

Regardless of your political view of the refugee crisis now playing out on the world stage, refugees are forced to leave their homes, families, language, cultures, foods, memories, everything that has made them who they are. They are forced to start over, forced to learn a new language, to get used to new customs and foods, forced to find new housing, to learn how to drive or how to use the bus. So many things that we take for granted they must struggle and fight to attain, while coping with the emotions of being displaced, pushed out, reliving the horror of loved ones who disappeared or were lost to violence. And yet, they go to school, they learn the language, they find work and often start businesses. And yes, they somehow, once again, find happiness.

Now let’s look at your situation:

You say you’re unlucky: You have a bed, food in the refrigerator, a place to bathe and hopefully your health. These are not small things. In the overall human experience, these account for 99% of our needs. And you are lucky to have them.

You say you’re misunderstood: We are all misunderstood. No one can truly know us except ourselves. Seek not to receive understanding and compassion from others, seek it instead from within. The most you can do is deal fairly with others, honestly. Speak your desires and intentions clearly and the rest is beyond your control. Your happiness arises in this area from knowing that you have integrity. That you have treated others as you would wish to be treated.

You say things are hopeless: Life is unpredictable and is full of surprises. I have read about and experienced being at an extremely low point in life when serendipitously, the arrival of a new idea, a chance opportunity or an unexpected meeting turned everything around. Hope is a faith in the energetic productivity of life. Look around you. Everywhere you see life emerging and thriving. Yes, there is violence and destruction, but there is also cooperation and creation happening everywhere in the cosmos. Your responsibility is to remain open to that inevitability. If you see life as a wave, dipping and rising, ebbing and flowing, then you know there will be low and high points. You must accept that as a reality of life and not place a value judgement on it. Good, bad, right, wrong, etc.

If we were to say that dark is bad and light is good, then we would curse the night sky. But it is precisely because of that darkness that we can see the light emanating from stars light years away.

So to conclude: Happiness does not arise from the sum total of things that are happening to you, but rather from who you are, what you choose to believe and what you make happen. Happiness also arises from laying down a firm, integrated foundation. By that I mean consuming in moderation; keeping emotions in check; getting plenty of rest; evaluating, pruning or nourishing our relationships to others; keeping our channels open for knowledge and wisdom to stream in; cleaning, organizing and maintaining our personal space. And most of all, not undervaluing, but rather having gratitude for the simple, yet fundamental building blocks of human life: health, food and shelter. When all else seems against us, we can still find happiness in the knowledge that we will ride out this storm and turn it into and opportunity to prepare ourselves for the moment when Nature’s cycles will inevitably carry us aloft again.

12/22/2016

If you're like me, you have a very small family, or your family lives far away and you unfortunately see them less than you'd like. As a result, holidays, like Christmas and the New Year can seem especially cruel. Images of families, happily sharing meals, opening gifts together, laughing and rejoicing in each other's company stream across our television screens and flash from our computers, causing us to feel that we're somehow flawed if we find ourselves alone at this time.

But in contrast, I can tell you, having known people who are expected to attend the same family gatherings year after year, many secretly long to curl up alone by the fire and read a book. They may be surrounded all day, every day, by people at work and at home and when that holiday vacation rolls around, they'd rather be anywhere but at Aunt Susan's stuffing their faces, feeling bloated and listening to the same mind-numbing stories and bad jokes.

So understand, first and foremost, there are many who would envy your solitude. Try to appreciate this as a time to reflect on the passing year, a chance to imagine how you'll create new opportunities for yourself in the year that's beginning to appear just over the horizon.

Yes, there may be pain

Yes, the reasons for your solitude may be painful and complicated. I understand that, having spent several Holidays alone. It seems to be the time when we feel most intently the absence of those we love, or have loved. And like me, you've probably had to hold it together all year, in spite of your personal challenges. Hold it together for work, for family or maybe you just stoically refused to let it effect you. But now, here you are. It's just you and the undeniable reality of your life, as it currently is. Your solitude at this inauspicious time is forcing you to confront your demons. Don't push it away. Let the tears flow, have a good cry, feel the pain and understand that on the other side, will be healing and renewal.

When you think about it, it's not unlike the Natural cycle of the seasons. In Winter, animals slow down or hibernate, plants become dormant and shed their leaves. The sky becomes dark and rain cleanses the land. All in preparation for Spring, when new life looks only forward, remembering not the somber days past.

We are part of Nature. As such, whether you believe it or not, we also have seasons. Some are colder and harsher than others. Many bring abundance and warmth, but we have little control over when stormy weather will once again descend We must accept that there will be painful or lonely times. Remember, stars can only shine when the sky is dark. You too must know darkness to know light.

It is a natural, normal transformative process and when you emerge, as the butterfly does from her chrysalis you'll have more clarity, greater self awareness and a renewed sense of purpose and connectedness.

"To co-opt a term from the digital world, solitude allows us to "download" the raw images, feelings and thoughts from our complex external lives and process them into usable data, creating and updating a matrix through which we become increasingly efficient at extracting lessons and knowledge, that eventually season into wisdom.

For most of us, from the moment we awaken, until we return to sleep, our lives are filled with activity. The health of our social spheres and indeed our very survival depend on us being present and intentionally aware during these activities. But that intense focus and busyness must be punctuated by intervals of silence and solitude, otherwise, our mind never gets a chance to catch up, to remain continually acquainted with our evolving sensations and experiences. We miss out on the rich consciousness building kernels of understanding that eventually add up to personal growth.

It would be like eating, for the shear pleasure of taste, but then having the food pass through us undigested, gaining nothing from the nutrients locked within. While your digestive system can function just fine on the run, your mind cannot. It needs rest and time to update it's circuits. And this can only be accomplished during periods of solitude".

So use this time to enjoy and gain inner peace from your solitude. Yes, you may be alone, but take inventory of all that is still right in your life: you have warmth and shelter, you have food in the fridge and you have your health. You are better off than a great many other people struggling all day, every day across the globe. Focus on that, give thanks and prayers for others less fortunate.

11/28/2016

I know from experience that the last thing an unhappy person is likely to do is read a book or a lengthy article on how to find happiness. That is why I decided to cover the major points here, so you can get on with the business of living, rather than just reading about it.

So here we go.

Here are the major key areas of your life that need to be maintained and functioning well in order for happiness to grow.

Love

A. Self Love - This is more important than familial or romantic love. You must stop focusing on what you believe others think of you, or what you have been told in the past, as often, those judgements arise from the speaker's self loathing. Spend time alone, steeped in an activity like walking or gardening (something that allows the mind to wander) and talk to yourself. That's right! Have a conversation about what makes you unique and special (trust me, there is something) and learn to love and cultivate that. Love is contagious. When you love yourself, others will also find you more interesting and attractive.

B. Optimize your Relationships - Having lots of friends, whether on Facebook or in the flesh sounds great, but it is of little real importance. Having one or two friends you can trust and that truly love you is priceless. Weed out the part time, "fair weather" friends and focus on strengthening those connections that are truly worth saving.

When it comes to family, it becomes a little harder. Just because you're related doesn't mean you like each other or are compatible. Parents, siblings, spouses, even children can drain our life energy through manipulation, interference, meddling, jealously and anger. To find true happiness, you must distance yourself physically and emotionally from these individuals. It may not be easy, but not doing so perpetuates the bad behavior. When you finally put up that wall, those family members who mistreat you will find someone else upon whom to focus their vitriol. And you will find a new "Freedom" and peace of mind that rests on courage and self-determination.

Health

A. Physical Health -Being in the best possible physical health is essential preparation for happiness to flourish. For each person, this may mean something different. Many of us struggle with chronic diseases such as arthritis, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Sometimes, it is our behavior that causes these maladies to arise and take hold. When that is the case, doing what is needed to eliminate these dis-ease, factors from our lives will make more energy available to improve or just live our lives.

Work on reducing excess weight, improve sleep habits, learn about and practice wholesome eating habits, reduce stress at work and home by changing jobs if necessary and establishing good lifestyle habits.

B. Emotional Health - It is not an overstatement to say that most of us have emotional health issues. Some hold us back and limit our joy and others can be serious, life threatening patterns. Many of these emotional patterns arise in childhood. Left unchecked, they follow us into adulthood, interfering in our self esteem, relationships and with achieving success. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, spend time alone, reading, listening to videos and podcasts on various aspects of human emotions. Your inner mind (subconscious) knows where healing is needed. By strolling through a bookstore, surfing videos and other resources on human emotions, you will find yourself attracted to certain subjects and areas of study. Follow those and be led instinctively toward healing from the inside out. The progress will be slow, but eventually permanent and life altering. Invest time in your Emotional Life and reap the dividends of a clear mind, at peace.

Freedom

Freedom and Purpose are less tangible components of your happiness strategy, but no less important. It is this "mysterious quality" that keeps people from understanding or working on these areas of their lives. Don't let that be you.

Freedom is the absence of restraints by internal or external forces. Forces which might otherwise seek to keep you from reaching your full potential. Sadly and all too often our own limits are merely imagined. But when we imagine those limits long enough, they harden into beliefs and then become self-imposed barriers to success.

Examples of how this insidious and common dysfunction manifests in our lives are: lack of confidence, or fear of failure; choosing to stay in relationships that do not serve you and that drain your personal power.

Another big problem is laziness - not overcoming inertia. But laziness is usually something else in disguise. More often than not:Fear. Overcome the fear and the energy to address challenges will be easily ignited.

Other Freedom robbers are the expectations of others. "You must marry this or that kind of person". "You must finish school and begin your career as (fill in the blank)". "You must run the family business or take care of your brother". Whatever. You catch my drift. It may be counterintuitive, but most barriers to our freedom, involve us not choosing to be free.

It may not be easy, it may feel selfish and cruel, but in reality, by holding yourself back, you are encouraging those who oppress you to remain stuck in their dysfunctional patterns too. If you choose freedom of thought, freedom of love, freedom of passion, those who depend on your failure, will need to find alternative means of meeting their needs. That very action may also lead to their growth and personal empowerment. This is how self care benefits you and everyone around you. Even your detractors.

Purpose

This is what everything else leads up to. This is the rarefied air at the top of the summit, the frosting on the cake, the meaning of life, whatever metaphor seems to fit.

When you have organized and optimized the preceding branches of your Happiness Tree, you will have the space, time and energy in your life to discover and follow your passion. This is a human birthright that few ever get the opportunity to exploit. Henry David Theoreau said: "Most [people] lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them".

Whether by Nature, the Universe or God, fate intends for us to find our purpose and leave our world a better place.

The truth is, having structure in our lives, a driving passion, a reason to get up in the morning, gives our life meaning. It makes the journey more interesting and satisfying. It gets us engaged in the world around us, puts us in contact with like-minded people, expands our mind, improves our health and ultimately, makes us happier. If we do end up leaving the world a better place, great!

That's it! You've completed the Quick Start Guide to Happiness.How does it feel?

Whether you know it or not, you are now more empowered to go out and make your life better.

Now, I challenge you to re-evaluate these 4 areas of your life: Love, Health, Freedom and Purpose and do all you can to optimize them. I guarantee you that this process will result in a better life and greater overall satisfaction.

For more resources please avail yourself of these other great resources:

10/02/2016

Happiness need not be a mysterious, elusive condition. The chart above demonstrates that happiness results from a full, holistic life and that this can be achieved by working independently and simultaneously on the macro and finite areas of Love, Health, Freedom and Purpose.

The Happiness Tree is a way of visualizing the anatomy of happiness as one would view a family tree, to understand how each component is related to the whole. Just as science has mapped the human genome to understand the very code that supports life itself, it stands to reason that Happiness (a condition so fundamental to the human experience that it is synonymous with “quality of life”) can also be broken down into its elemental parts and then reassembled into a system for understanding and creating a successful life.

It took me 3 years of introspection, deconstructing my own struggles with sustaining satisfaction in my work, relationships and life, coupled with research into the many emotional, physical and spiritual factors that influence how we view, respond to and evolve from our life experiences, to arrive at this deep understanding of the ways in which we, and our life experiences, co-create each other.

It turns out how those experiences are guided, crafted and responded to is of critical importance to our personal evolution and level of satisfaction.

This led me to the realization that the four limbs of Love, Health, Freedom and Purpose could be viewed as the robust structural members of our lives, like the columns of a cathedral, the piers of a bridge or the limbs of a tree. I chose a tree because it is a living, evolving entity that is rooted to the ground and yet reaches for the clouds. A quality I believe represents the need-in our human lives-for a healthy balance between practicality and imagination.

Additionally, like human life, a tree has a complex structure, reaching in many directions, with an intricate interplay between major and finite elements. With limbs defining our core, I could see that branches would perfectly illustrate the many ways Love, Health. Freedom and Purpose are expressed and experienced in our lives.

Finally, leaves, the most delicate components of a tree reach out to receive sunlight. They are kissed by the rain and cooled by the breeze. They provide nutrients for and are simultaneously supported by the whole system. It is through these thousands of delicate wonders that we-as humans-metaphorically connect with the world around us.

And just aa a tree must be properly fed, pruned and cared for, our lives also require ongoing maintenance and attention. And a healthy tree, just like your healthy life, develops a well-rounded canopy: balanced, comfortable in its niche and a joy to behold.

Please feel free to copy and save the Happiness Tree chart to study and share.

And for a complete description of how to understand and apply this revolutionary system in your own life, read "The Happiness Tree". Now available in paperback and e-book format from all fine online book retailers.

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_________________________
What is The Happiness Tree?

This blog and its companion
book are a direct challenge to the preconceived notions,
fears, biases and flawed approaches that hold many of us back from
success in relationships, work, creativity and most importantly, life
satisfaction.

Like many of you, from my
adolescent years, I was seeking guidance to
help me understand the complex interplay between myself and the world
at large: A sort of “Life Manual”. I would peruse book stores and act
on recommendations by friends and respected “gurus”, and never found a
book, program or methodology that connected all the dots.

I’d read one book about
Spirituality, and another about Self Esteem.
Yet another about The Creative Process followed by a treatise on
Relationships. Each book seemed to partially address one piece of the
puzzle, but not how that element fit into or coordinated with all the
others.
Then at a dark, pivotal point in my mid-life, I felt the need for just
such a paradigm shift. A complete overhaul of my belief systems and a
new scaffolding upon which to construct my future. I was sure that in
the new frontier of the internet, I’d be able to find just the right
message, delivered just the right way that would provide me that “Aha
moment” I so desperately desired. But alas, I found only bits and
pieces, not a cohesive, holistic approach to creating sustainable
happiness.

So, I built
it myself.

One of the pearls of wisdom
that stuck with me during my many years of
searching, was that ‘all the tools and information we need to create a
productive, happy life, are already inside of us’. This made sense to
me. Though not a religious person, I have always believed that we were
brought
into this life to fulfill a purpose. And if that was so, then it would
stand to reason that we’d be provided the skills necessary to manifest
that purpose or at least the means to acquire them. From that
perspective, our challenge then, from the moment we’re born, (or some
would say, even before that), is to discover our mission, then develop
the energy, passion and abilities to fulfill it.

Along the way though, most of
us get bogged down in the details. To use
a driving metaphor, we head off perhaps in the right direction and then
hit a pothole. Our vehicle becomes temporarily disabled and so we hitch
a ride and become a passenger on someone else’s journey. Through
detours and switchbacks, we may
spend years retracing our steps in an effort
to regain the momentum of those earlier times. Along the way,
circumstance or destiny places what feels like insurmountable barriers
in our path,
causing us to rethink our entire rai·son d'ê·tre.

This is usually when the pivot
happens. When our belief systems
collapse, leaving us feeling incapable of addressing even the simplest
task, for lack of confidence in our own abilities or the very
righteousness of humanity. I built The Happiness Tree for this critical
juncture in my own life and by extension, to help you through yours.

This system is named The
Happiness Tree, for a reason. By following its
intuitive structure: Roots; Trunk; Limbs and Branches, we begin to
organize the seemingly complex interplay between ourselves and others,
into a visual framework, allowing us to step back for the first time
and see the entire global connections that make up our lives. From this
vantage point, areas that are weak or unbalanced are revealed. We are
then guided toward achieving a broader and more effective
distribution of our time, energy, talents, passions and goals through
the implementation of practical, common sense strategies. Branch, by
branch we begin to fill out our own unique tree, from top to bottom,
enhancing our confidence, relationships, creativity, purpose and
ultimately, our life satisfaction and happiness.

Let "The
Happiness Tree" support you on your quest to achieve the life
you’ve always dreamed of. Just read, absorb, practice. evolve and
become the manifestation of Joy in your own life and that of those you
love.