This blog is a place for wives, girlfriends, significant others, and anyone else stuck to a chef to come together and chirp to each other about how to deal with the nonsense that goes along with being the wife of a chef. I was struggling to live with a ghost of a husband who I never saw until I met two other chefs' wives that saved me. It was then that I realized there must be more who need love and support too, right?
Hilary, First Lady Desperate Chefs'Wives
instagram @hilarya25

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Live-In Maid

As far as chores and housework go around here, I pretty much do it all. I'm no superhero, after all we only live in a one bedroom. I made a decision a long time ago to do most of the work because even though I work full time, I certainly work less than Erik and have time to do it. After a while though I started getting resentful. I'm sure you're not surprised there. At some point Erik had to start taking some responsibility around the house at the very least to save me from killing him. I didn't need the help, but I needed the support. We have a partnership and I'm not going to be stuck doing the dirty just because I "only"work 45 hours a week. We working it out that he cleans the stove and bathroom, helps with the cat litter, irons his own shirts, and pays the rent and garage bills.

Things get a little sticky around summer time. Although I'm a teacher I work during the summer part time at the school doing administrative work. So with all the extra time I pick up more of Erik's work. I don't mind ironing or cleaning the bathroom; it keeps me busy. But somehow this whole summer Erik hasn't done a thing! How did that happen? How did I let that happen? So now I'm blowing up and pissed off not because I have to do more work, but because Erik doesn't seem to care about anything other than cooking or eating....would you guess he's an only child?

7 comments:

This is to familiar!! My husband is an only child as well. I was actually complaining to him about how it would be nice to lets see "pick up your clothes after you shower". He does say he appreciates me doing all these things like ironing and folding his clothes and putting it away neatly. I believe the more we do, the less they do because we start picking up their slack and its very gradual. Then one day you realize, since when did it become my job to put away your deodorant, after shave, gel and brush? Pick up your underwear and put it in the hamper? Oh well, we just have to remind them to take a little responsibility. Hang in there, I feel your pain.

Remind them that they have a wife, not a mother! Yes, there may be extra work for the one who is home more or available more, but they have to help and pick up their own things! Back in the day of 100 hour work weeks I did everything...all cleaning, laundry, bills, car, kid, bought all his tolietries, EVERYTHING!!! The only thing he had to do was pay the car insurance, take out the garbage and do the taxes. Now things are different..he helps with cleaning, laundry (at least his coats), comes home and reads to kids. But with a 3 level house I needed more help, so cleaning lady helps too! But we both do a fair share! I think for me all I needed to make me feel better was for me know that if I asked for help he would do anything...that he supported me and appreciated the work it takes to keep the home going. I think, Hilary, you should say that while you understand the hours he is still a big boy that needs to help! Put plan into place now, thinking of later when you have bigger place, kids, etc. Once you're stuck in role, its hard to get out!

LOL! I had a conversation on the same topic with my chef yesterday. I need you to do "something." Unfortunately, I am not a great housekeeper. I think it stems from having a mother with OCD that made us vacuum two or three times a week and clean the bathrooms at least the same amount of times. To be honest, I've had to stop caring so much. I know that sounds terrible, but with my job and school, I spend about 50 hours a week working and I just don't have time to constantly pick up after him. We're moving soon and I know that packing is going to be a battle. Lucky me, we're moving the week after Restaurant Week here in Dallas. Wish me luck, ladies!

Oh this is the main thing we argue about and on his day off he doesn't want to do any of HIS housework. If I gently remind him of things he needs to do-I am told I'm nagging! FRUSTRATINg. Many, many frustrations that come from having a partner who works long shifts in a kitchen and does not have the same time off work that I have-glad I found this siteK, UK

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets "stuck" doing it all. Of course Erik wasn't too thrilled to see our dirty dishes aired here, but I'min good company. But we did work it out pretty soon after I realized I was working harder than need be. I can't wait for the school year to start.

I think it's good you and Erik got this resolved (for the most part) before your school year starts back up. You'll be busy/stressed enough as it is and you don't need to have this to tick you off further.

The best advice my dad ever gave me is, "No one is a mind reader." I tell myself that repeatedly when I am annoyed by my cook not doing certain things, because I remember I never asked him to do certain things. If I ask, he then knows. :) Communication is key!

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