Next month many of my colleagues and I will be gathering in a hotel outside of Boulder, Colorado for Ohalla, what my wife Renée calls a "rabbinic convention for unconventional rabbis". Years ago at the Tuesday night cabaret I, along with three others I will refer to as my "crew", perfomed a rap about Shabbat. Reb Zalman sat watching, totally perplexed, and at one point during the rap I jokingly feared for my future, saying, "I can see my teudah (ordination document) going up in flames as I speak." Lucky for me, Reb Zalman liked my davvening and storytelling!

If you like the rap and you'd like a copy, it's available on iTunes for 99 cents. What a deal! Lyrics below. Enjoy!

If You’re A Maccabbee (Hanukkah Rap) Music & Lyrics by Mark NovakLet me tell you a story about days of oldWhen the nights were long and the days were coldAlexander the Great was the king you seeOf the land of Judea where the Jews were freeTo live and worship the only GodAdonai Eloheynu Adonai EchadNow Alexander the Great despite his royal fameGrew old and died, ending his reignA new king arrived upon the sceneA real pain in the tuchus, if you know what I meanHe gathered together all of the Jews and said“Listen closely ‘cause I got bad news.”Now this King Antiochus, he thought he was wiseHe said, “You can’t observe Shabbat or be circumcisedYou have to pray to great Greek Gods IsraelAnd sacrifice pigs - they squeal!”Bow down to idols of stone indeed That’s not being Jewish it’s plain to seeBut many Jews were afraid to disobey the king’s orderThey’d be put to death like a lamb to the slaughter

There was a righteous man in Modin town namedMattathias, he refused to bow downhe smashed the idols, cried passionately“Whoever’s for the Lord our God follow me!”ChorusIf you’re a Macabee then your’re a hammer...I know you know what happens next in the story there are armies and fighting and it gets kind of goryAntiuchus’ army gets cut down to sizeBy Judah and the Maccabbees, the good guys!Then there’s the cleansing of the temple and the search for oilFor the ner tamid, would triumph be spoiled?Of oil they could only find one jarThey looked here, there, near, and far.It’s a solid fact, a moment of mysteryNes, Gadol, Haya, Sham - that’s history.ChorusOne last point for your edificationHanukkah’s the time for your rededicationBe a modern Maccabbee - stand tallAnd hammer a world of peace and justice for all.