I Am Tipsy, Going On Drunk-y…

The Wife and I are hunkering down for NBC’s live action rendition of The Sound of Music this evening. I am literally on the edge of the couch cushion with anticipation… of a train wreck. I recognize already that this production is set up for an all-time roasting on Twitter and various social media outlets so by the time you read this most if not all of the jokes will have been made already, but I just can’t help myself. The Wife is an admitted Julie Andrewsaholic and has hated the idea of tonight’s production since they started promoting it several months ago. More than a snarky word or two was shot from her mouth towards the TV during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on the subject and the vitriol has continued to boil since. Without further ado, and with her permission, I would like to introduce you to the world in which I live as far as my cohabitants are concerned. In between I’ll pepper in some of my own thoughts and links during some of the down periods.

“I already hate it” – The Wife 37 seconds in

Let’s just say the producers of this show have not stuck to the historical accuracy of the story here. I’m not seeing a lot of the cast that the Aryan race would exactly embrace thus far. Even Rolph would appear to be playing for the wrong team here.

Whomever is in charge of the lighting of this production has done a very poor job.

If NBC reduced their marketing budget by 1/100th I bet they could have built more than three sets.

We’re the Von Trapps the original Jackson family?

Those Michael Bolton Honda commercials are supposed to be tongue-in-cheek right?

How do I put this politely… perhaps Carrie Underwood should stick to her music career and keep her screen time limited to the CMAs, AMAs, and the two hundred and thirty-seven other biggest nights of the year in the country music industry.

I know the Paris Hilton tweet about Nelson Mandela was fake, but what does it say about her when the entire world has no problem believing that she was in fact the source?

For the record I am very sorry to hear of Mr. Mandela’s passing today. I read Long Walk To Freedom back in college and was both awed and inspired by the man but to say that I could even pretend to fully comprehend the world from which he came and the true weight of his achievements would be inaccurate. The world is a worse place for his passing today but it’s ten thousand times better than how he originally found it.

Were the women this bitchy to one another in the theatrical production?

The pacing of this program makes a Red Sox-Yankees game feel like an intrasquad scrimage of the 2006 Phoenix Suns

Wouldn’t you think “singing ability” would be one of the casting critera of the children in this?

The Wife has officially fallen asleep and hour and a half into this evening’s program. That is sacreligious during anything Julie Andrews-related in this household.

“This is shot like a shitty soap opera” – Aaaannnnnd…. She’s back.

“She looks like a tramp in that dress” – Guess who chiming in on the wedding scene.

I don’t claim to have the clearest memory of the actual movie but Christopher Plummer wasn’t a huge doucher like this guy was he?

NBC shows restraint in the “Heil Hitler” salutes but has no qualms broadcasting swastikas into America’s livingrooms apparently.

“I don’t recall Maria ever being a beer wench” – The Wife

The songs being sung out of order are absolutely bring The Wife to her knees at this point.

If you care at all for our national pasttime, I cannot say enough about Jonah Keri’s Trade Value columns (Part 1 & Part 2) submitted over at Grantland this week.

I’ve never understood HBO’s Real Sex program. Tess Lynch does a good job summarizing why that is. It’s the forbidden fruit of every teenage boy but upon taking a bite one cannot help but find it bitter and unpleasant. Apparently HBO is ready to right that wrong by re-booting the franchise.

And it’s over. The Wife’s final assessment, “it wasn’t for a lack of trying, but they just had waayyyy too big of shoes to fill.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Consider my DVR cleared of this travesty. May we never speak of it again.

Bears Prediction

So we can all agree the Bears season is over at this point right? A team can lose a game or two that they should have won during an NFL season and still make the playoffs. But three games? Within the conference no less? It aint happening. The Redskins, Rams, and now this most recent Vikings loss will be the holes that eventually sank this ship and it’s too bad. I’m still a Marc Trestman supporter in the long run but I think he’ll look back on the decision to kick a 47 yard field goal on 2nd-and-9 with regret. His explanation after the game of not wanting to lose yardage speaks to a man lacking confidence in his team’s best unit. While the offense has made incredible strides this year, it is now the defense that the organization must wait for before they can be considered serious contenders (who thought I’d ever have to write that sentence?)

Enter the Cowboys on Monday night. This game will come down to which unit is worse – the Bears run defense vs. Demarco Murray or the Dallas secondary against the Bears passing attack. Seeing as how the Cowboys have given up a record four 400 yard passing games this year I think they are the biggest loser this time around. Expect a sloppy game that at times will cause someone in the room to comment, “it’s like both of these teams are trying to lose.” With that said I think the Bears will lose that race.