Monday, November 8, 2010

I don't know if most Americans have noticed this, but in most major metropolitan areas -- and certainly in Chicago -- it seems a critical mass of Dunkin' Donuts are owned by Muslim Pakistanis.

So, I was told by my old Muslim friend, Moin, are most Subway and Quiznos sandwich shops. He bought a Quiznos franchise in the Northwest suburbs for his son.

According to my friend, Brent, a Texan by birth, anyone who has ever done business with a Pakistani, will do it once -- get burned -- and never do business with one, ever again.

Brent, for some mystifying reason, relocated from Texas to Skokie, Illinois where he opened a marble factory.

He buys marble from around the world. Once some Muslim Pakistanis offered him a deal on marble and they agreed on the price. My Texan friend then committed to doing a project, based on the Paki's promises.

Then when the marble arrived at the Port of New Jersey, the Middle Easterners arbitrarily said the price was about 300% higher than what they had earlier agreed to.

My Texan friend had to buy their product, because he was committed to the end-user, but he told me: "I will never do business with any Pakistani or Muslim -- ever -- again."

And to this day he hasn't.

Brent said that the word is in the marble trade, that Pakistanis are the most ethically challenged business people on earth.

I was reminded of this by an experience at a store owned by one Mr. Amyn Ali of Rosemont.

He is a Muslim who owns quite a few Dunkin' Donuts stores in the Chicago area.

All his stores have a sign in the window which says, "FREE WI-FI."

So when I went into his Dunkin' Donuts at the corner of Howard and Western in Chicago at about 7:30 AM this past Sunday morning, with my laptop in tow, I thought, I'd just enjoy their coffee, check out the traffic to my blog and check out news on the web.

The barely literate, exotic donut girl who gave me my coffee and a French cuiller pastry, said, "use this number to access the wi-fi."

The code, which was as elaborate as the combination to a vault at Ft. Knox, did not work.

When I told her as much, she summoned the manager, "Ali" who came about 15 minutes later, because he was busy doling out donuts at the drive-thru window.

The computer guru, Ali, could not get the secret, ultra cryptogric code # to work on their own Dunkin'Donuts wi-fi site.

So then he just summoned up the AT&T site which was owned by the Starbuck's just across the street.

It had all the Starbucks' logos and all their corporate promotional information.

This, theoretically, is blatantly illegal, but I have only ever heard of one person prosecuted for it and that was in Kentucky.

So the moral of the story is -- go to this, Pakistani Muslim-owned Dunkin' Donuts and, if the breezes are right -- they'll be happy to hi-jack the Starbuck's wi-fi signal for you.

My friend, Brent, still chafing at his experience, insists that Pakistanis are the most ethically challenged business people on the face of the planet.

1 comment:

Many years ago I went into a Dunkin Donuts, and was charged a higher price than the one that was listed on the board. When I commented on that, I was told that the prices had gone up but the sign hadn't been changed yet.

Mm-hm, sure. I remember my days in food sales and that kind of thing wasn't allowed, the customer always got the listed price, period.

I feel bad for your TX friend. And scared I might know the dealer through a friend of mine.

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About The Chicago Lampoon

Chicago is a very funny city.

In fact, it is a windswept glacial burg that is the source of a never-ending supply of knee-slappers and outright horselaughs.

From the neophyte community organizer that it foisted on an unsuspecting American electorate to the mop-topped sociopathic boy-Governor that it sent to the Letterman show, to its storied depression era, tommy-gun toting philanthropists, it has produced some truly amusing and amazing characters.

It has a Mayor who is a former ballet dancer, who served in a foreign army and who threatens political enemies by sending them dead fish in the mail. It has 50 sleepy Alderman and 5, usually somnolent professional sports franchises

It has two Jesse Jacksons!

It has more potholes per capita than Nairobi, a creaky 1940s-era elevated train system and cops who get caught on videotape punching out bar maids and businessmen.

As we have since 2009, we are only going to report and comment on what actually happens in Chicago. To make up stuff this weird would tax our inventive capabilities to the limit (or at least as high as the, highest-in-the-nation, Cook County sales taxes.)

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We're somewhere between Burkean conservatives and bomb throwing anarchists depending on the mood of the moment and the amount of restorative libation we have recently consumed.
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