Tuesday, December 2, 2008

This just in: Diana's favourite dress was... kinda hideous! She wore it on her visits to meet sick kids in hospital and they loved the bright colours. Diana called it her 'caring dress'. It is so sweet that she braved media scorn to make children happy.

The media hated the dress, of course. But then, the media was not exactly on her side, as we know from the fact that she is dead.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Here's a lovely accessory that popped up on Craft the other day: a Reversible Folkloric Felt Bonnet. A bonnet!

The regular reader(s?) of my blog will know that I am very interested in ironic fashions and I love referencing things that are deeply uncool, hence my penchant for librarian chic, etc. For some reason when I think of folksy fashion I think of Chloe Sevingny, who everyone loves and knows is the indie style queen sans equal - maybe the folk thing is because of her recent-ish role in Big Love, although she's obviously a New York gal all over, so who knows how my mind is making these connections. My point is, if Chloe Sevigny is wearing a pastel-coloured, high-necked, long-sleeved, ruffly blouse made by a little old seamstress in a teeny tiny town in Utah then...uh.... so can you?? oh forget it.

These modest dresses and freaky 19th century undies for the conservative Mormon in your life are being sold without irony all over the Internets right now, although my sources are unable to verify if anyone is actually buying them.

It all seems a bit too matchy-matchy - where's the individuality? Oh, right, of course. I am quite partial to maxi dresses, but I think this takes it a bit far. And ladies, let me dispel a myth for you: brushing your hair a hundred times won't make it healthy, and just because it's long doesn't mean it's pretty. Sorry, but I had to say it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This is an actual traditional Indian beauty practice for removing body hair, and not one of my made-up beauty tips. It has several advantages over other methods of hair removal like waxing and tweezing in that it is 1) fast, 2) cheap, and 3) even more painful. Fun! No amount of Bonjela can ever prevent or relieve this particular burning stinging pain. And speaking of burning stinging pain, there's that other traditional Indian beauty tip, the madras curry. For.. slimming and cleansing..?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thanks to the magical internets I have been able to nourish my obsession with the show Mad Men: the women, the men, the gender roles, the fashion! I am especially partial to Joan Holloway, the sassy redhead, intimidating in both body and attitude. Some sartorial advice from Miss Holloway:

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It's the anniversary of the peace sign! It was created by British artist Gerald Holtom for the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) in 1958, and paraded around in a London peace march, and then on everything else since. Says its creator:

"I was in despair. Deep despair. I drew myself: the representative of an individual in despair, with hands palm outstretched outwards and downwards in the manner of Goya's peasant before the firing squad. I formalised the drawing into a line and put a circle round it."

Isn't that beautiful? Cut to 50 years later: we know the planet is messed up, we want to spread love and peace, and that's why we express our deep emotions with 4.8 carats of round-cut diamonds set into platinum, in the form of the Tiffany pendant for $6,650 NZD! Hmmmm... now something about that just ain't right. Blood Diamond, anyone?? Why not throw in a gold wedding ring produced with environmentally unsound practices - nothing says love like water pollution and slave labour!

This is exactly the kind of consumerist nonsense that I have come to expect from humans today. Other examples include: really flash yoga gear (to make the other people in your yoga class jealous while you reach a Zen state and look HOT and RICH all at the same time!) and antioxidant-rich organically grown acai berries from the Brazilian rainforest, flown directly to you, the consumer for the benefit of your valuable self. (Hypocritical, much?)

I'm not gonna be one of those bloggers who says boring things like "Sorry I have not blogged much lately, blah blah blah". People are probably glad that I've shut the hell up for a month. There are 50 million other blogs on the Internets, read something else! A selection of cool blogs and websites is on your right there. Meanwhile, look at this lovely picture of a skirt-flower. Thanks, Anyways.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Why are there so few women working in science? Why do so few girls in high school choose to study science? The answer? I don't know. I didn't enjoy science at school, or school, either. I am female. What does this all mean? Is there a way for those of us who are more micro mini than microscope to make up for this massive under-representation? Can fashion answer my questions? Yes. Fashion can do all that. And the answer is: science t-shirts. See what science can do! Science rocks out on guitar! Science blows shit up! Science is totally for girls.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Did anyone see the movie Jumper? Me neither. I might have seen it if it really was about a jumper, of the knitted and reindeer-adorned kind, but it wasn't. It's July, it's winter, so get in the upside-down festive spirit and check out these photoshopped movie posters. You will not be disappointed.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The future is looking rosy for people who have a hard time deciding what to wear every single day of their life. Every day we have to choose and coordinate a combination of hat, coat, jacket, hair do, make-up, underwear, t-shirts, shirts, vests, jumpers, scarves, trousers, jeans, skirts, shorts, stockings, tights, socks, leg-warmers and shoes. And accessories! Mon dieu! I mean, why isn't there a kind of uniform for people who don't wear uniforms? When will we find the perfect outfit for all time? The catch-all outfit solution of the future: space suit and boots. Every day. And not just if you work in space - this outfit wants to be worn on Earth too.

Evidently the women's movement hasn't reached the future, but at least you'll be able to look like an astronaut while you're making the moon a cleaner place.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

I had my hair coloured and styled the other day and I just love it! My hairdresser is brilliant and the shampoo girl does the best head massages ever, it's such a treat. You know, because I'm worth it and shit. The photo you see here was taken today, the third day after doing the 'do. The last time I went to the hairdresser I foolishly tried to preserve the style for the whole greasy week, so enamoured was I.

I have since learned that there is a three-sleep maximum for hair-do preservation. Just three short days and then it's time to lather, rinse and repeat. Trust me on this. I'm doing the research so you don't have to! Because you're welcome.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Hi fans! I made a new blog, Roller Derby Librarian, wot you can check out here. I'll still do Style Blag, natch. I haven't been posting lots of pics of yours truly lately cos I have a small camera problem, in that I don't have one. Hope to remedy that soon. Stay tuned for the ch-ch-changes.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sometimes you need to put safety ahead of looking fabulous. Like, sensibly deciding to wear trainers instead of 8-inch stilettos to walk to the dairy: safety first! Mr Lagerfeld agrees. "It's yellow, it's ugly, it doesn't go with anything. But it could save your life." So when you next decide to give your driver the night off and take your car for a spin down a lonely country road, and you break down/ get a flat tyre: put on a safety vest before you attempt to fix said car/ change said tyre. In your tuxedo. With sunglasses on. At night. Remember to leave all your lights on and walk way down the road while the car battery drains. Aaah, fashion people: know their warps from their wefts, can't change a tyre. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the ad where Jean Paul Gaultier wears a library monitor badge and reminds us all to use a bookmark instead of folding the pages back.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Sorry, fans! (i.e. Maman). I know my posts have been few and far between - I have been extremely busy with that stressful, busy, all-consuming thing that is ma vie. If I post anything in the next month then you know I am procrastinating and should be doing something else more productive. Something more important than a fashion blog. If such a thing exists!

I found this absolutely brilliant paper bag and I just had to share. But not just any paper bag, no! this one is a for-real Hermes bag to make yourself! Out of paper! From far away it probably looks like a real one, just like what Grace Kelly would have had, if she was a broke-ass blogger. Go, go to the Hermes website and download the PDF of your shopping dreams. You deserve it!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I keep forgetting that the point of a blog is to reference other blogs in a sort of perpetual loop of online postmodern Russian-nesting-doll-style mutual appreciation. So here's my bit: a bacon scarf to make yourself from the neato website Craft Zine. As a vegetarian - no, wait! keep reading! - I'm quite partial to fake meat accessories, like those bacon and eggs bandages and... okay, that's all I can think of. I think it has something to do with the fact that I find meat inherently amusing - not the real thing of course, just the thought of it: pork chops, salami, meatballs, frozen chickens... Don't ask me why, it's just wacky!

I love fashion mags, don't get me wrong, but they can be completely absurd. Jezebel agrees with me. And everyone loves making fun of 'moddles', non? Even editors of fashion magazines, otherwise we wouldn't get pics like this!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Everyone loves a feminist, which is why this is a look that I totally recommend for house-spouses, students and people who work from home. Haven't washed your hair this week? Not a problem! Wear a cute scarf and hide those shameful locks! Wear that comfortable pair of overalls or jumpsuit (in a dark, dirt-disguising colour) all day long! Nothing says busy busy! like practical clothes that are ready for anything that your baby/ tutor/ boss can (literally) throw at you. Don't forget to roll up your sleeves to really accentuate your manly biceps. You can do it!

Monday, April 7, 2008

This is a beauty tip that I have actually tried. Go to bed and get about 8 hours sleep. When you wake up everything will be a-ok again: the bags under your eyes will be gone, you'll be fresh and alert, and that lecture/ job/ wedding you just slept through was probably not that interesting anyway.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

For whatever reason, sometimes I like to dress like a librarian. Sensible skirt, prim blouse, vest, flat shoes. An obvious accessory would be a book, or maybe glasses. (Which is easy enough if you can already read, but if you wear glasses anyway you probably get mistaken for a librarian all the time. There there.) Wear your hair in a ponytail and, when the moment's right, undo it and shake your hair free in a sensual manner. Work that stereotype! Brainy is in!!!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Apply beer liberally to your hair for extra shine! If you're not too drunk, remember to rinse thoroughly. Beer also makes you more attractive when it is consumed by another person. (This is possibly the only known beauty tip that works best when someone else does it.) A bottle of beer can be an appropriate and delicious accessory at parties, and later, in photos of you at parties on your Facebook profile ("Look at me! I'm drinking a beer! Wa-hey!")

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Here is my half-arsed homage to Grey Gardens, Rufus Wainwright's fave movie and a camp classic from the 70's about Jackie Kennedy's loopy cuzzies living in a decaying mansion with only each other, the cats and the lawn guy for company. (Love that decaying mansion image!) And yet, in spite of the crumbling ruin that is her home and her mind, Edith "Little Edie" Bouvier Beale still gets up in the morning, gets dressed (in her particular, eccentric style) and goes about her weird, lonely days wearing a scarf fashioned from a shabby old sweater, fastened with a brooch and her skirt on upside down. I can't stress it enough: this film has essentially reinvented how we look at dressing. I mean, anyone who can challenge our understanding of what "skirt" means must truly be a style icon. (This is a different kind of clothing inventiveness than the guy I once worked with who came in to work two hours late, drunk, with his t-shirt on backwards and inside-out. Different leagues). I think Edie's ensembles are more than just a crazy woman covering her bald head - she know what suits her and she works it!

This is what I wore for the Auckland Big Day Out, 2008. Although it's not exactly what I wore: I also had on a black baseball cap (to keep my face from turning the same colour as my t-shirt!) and I had a water bottle tied to a pink satin scarf for "hands-free hydration". Oh hey, don't worry kids! The ciggy has not been lit! It's just what those in the fashion industry call a prop. We use props to create a certain look. This look says 'I'm rocking out!' Here, I'm referencing Joan Jett. (But I wonder if Joan Jett would actually wear a t-shirt with her face on it? And she plays the electric guitar, not the ukulele. And I don't think she smokes, but neither do I. And I can't play the ukulele...) Rock n roll!!!

Well I have never actually tried this as a face mask myself, but chilies are really good for invigorating the skin, I'm sure. So, what the hey! In the pursuit of beauty, ladies! Beauty is pain, ladies, beauty is pain. And sometimes it stings.

Today, I'm channeling Anne of Green Gables. She never wore orange in the book or the movie, her dream outfit involved puffed sleeves and the reality was wincey dresses in muted hues, but the orange thing is in reference to her hair, and the droopiness of it is a reference to her tendency to 'moon about' in nature. Obscure, yes.

All about moi

'Blag' comes from the French word 'blageur' meaning 'to tell lies'. It suits petite moi very well since we all know that French is the international language of fashion! A beautiful phrase which just speaks directly to my heart is "elle dit n'importe quoi" which roughly translates as "she talks horse shit" but it just sounds so much better in French, doesn't it? They really have a way with language... I don’t have a big budget for clothes, a lot of time for shopping, or any actual experience in the fashion industry, and my sense of style is actually really lame. But! even I can see that most people have not found that essential link between their minds and their bodies through clothing and accessories, either. What I do have, though, is a love of fashion and the ability to talk absolute bollocks! So I’ll share my limited knowledge with you all, and the rest I’ll just make up.

Champagne

I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.When I have company I consider it obligatory.I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and I drink it when I am.Otherwise I never touch it, unless I'm thirsty.