8 Times It Pays to Be Cocky

You're smart, funny, talented, [fill in the blank]...and you damn well know it. But do you show it? Shamelessly strutting your stuff is the number one secret to being a confident chick. Here's how — and when — to do it.

Tamara Schlesinger

By
Jessie Knadler

Nov 11, 2010

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Being cocky has traditionally been a man's game. After all, the very word derives from a nickname for the male package. (It originally meant lecherous or a man having strong, uncontrolled sexual desire.) Cockiness is basically überconfidence: You know you're amazing, and you're not shy about letting people know.

Blame testosterone, but dudes have always been more comfortable than women with blowing their own horn... and reaping the benefits. A study from Indiana University School of Medicine found that not only did female medical students rate themselves as less confident than their male counterparts (despite being academically equal), but they were also then judged by outsiders to be less confident than the guys.

Women often avoid acting cocky because they don't want to seem like pompous jerks. But a hotshot attitude can help you accomplish more, make you feel sexier, and draw people to you. There's a difference, though, between good cockiness and bad cockiness, says Marci Fox, PhD, coauthor with Leslie Sokol, PhD, of Think Confident, Be Confident. "Good cockiness is promoting yourself based on honest estimations of your abilities and experience. Bad cockiness is promoting yourself at the expense of others," Fox says. Here are key situations when you should be cocky…and how to carry them off with charm, not arrogance.

1. The Daily Show just called — you've landed a guest slot.

When you accomplish something awesome, spread the word. People won't know how much you rock unless you clue them in, and talking yourself up paves the way for bigger, better opportunities down the road. Also, expressing your achievements has a powerful effect on your brain. "Making your success seem like a huge deal conditions you to update the way you see yourself, which encourages you to pursue ever loftier goals," Sokol says. The key to not seeming obnoxious is having a hint of happy sur- prise in your voice: "Hey, I just got some good news! I wasn't expecting this, but I [insert how you kicked ass here]!"

2. You know without a doubt who won the '82 World Series. Some women will downplay their knowledge to avoid a disagreement with someone who, for instance, thinks that Sydney is the capital of Australia. But when you know your stuff, proudly and defiantly proclaim it.

To put yourself in a position of authority quickly, itemize where you got your information: "I studied abroad in Australia. It's definitely Canberra." Or end the debate by using the word all, suggests Steve Nakamoto, author ofTalk Like a Winner. "All is leveling. It implies, I'm right, you're wrong, discussion closed." Example: "All I can say is, I've had season tickets for the Cardinals since I was 7, so I'm positive the Brewers did not beat them."

3. You're on top in bed.

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This position of control is the primo vantage point for showcasing an "I get what I want, and I know I'm hot" allure. That brazen attitude comes across as smoldering enthusiasm. (FYI: Enthusiasm was rated guys' number one turn-on in the sack, according to a recent Cosmo poll.)

Exude cockiness by touching yourself in this position, showing that you intend to pursue your own pleasure. And kick it up a notch by maintaining eye contact throughout, recommends Debby Herbenick, PhD, author ofBecause It Feels Good. Demanding his gaze in this intense moment is so powerful, it's almost intimidating (for him, not you)...in a good way.

Wadley

4. The Halloween party you're throwing kicks off in just 10 minutes.

Acting as if your bash is the hottest place to be is the secret to it actuallybeing a huge hit. So have a glass of wine, ditch the jitters, and conjure up an "I am the party, people!" attitude. You see, being cocky makes you a carefree, effervescent host, and that's the kind of vibe that spreads good times.

In fact, a Harvard study found that happiness is contagious — it spreads like an emotional virus through crowds. "As a host, the way you present yourself is crucial because guests take their cue from you," explains Catherine Blyth, author of The Art of Conversation. "Think of yourself as a human cocktail stirrer: Your job is to keep the room moving." So take control instead of hanging back. Bonus: The more fun you see people having, the more confident you'll feel.

5. You're sitting down for drinks with your sister's cute coworker.

How do you impress the hell out of anyone from a blind date to a potential employer? By playing the charm card, Nakamoto says. "Go out of your way to make others feel totally comfortable while unpretentiously tooting your own horn."

Begin by taking it for granted that they'll love you, and then quietly assess them. Do you really want to work for this employer? Is this date good enough for you? That way, you won't feel like you're being judged and can focus on finding out more about the person. The upshot: You'll come across as curious, warm, and friendly, like you're supremely comfortable in your own skin.

6. You look so sexy in your new romper that your waiter asks if you're "order to ready."

Hotter­-than-­hot moments don't come along every day — which means it's criminal not to make the most of them. Start by standing in front of a mirror and saying out loud (and with conviction), "Gisele, watch your back."

Explains Fox: "Positive self­-talk reinforces a powerful self-­image" and actually works to boost your foxiness quotient — you'll stand up taller and stick your boobs out a little farther as you glide through the day. And when someone gives you a compliment, cock your head, flash a sultry smile, and say, "Thank you. That's so nice to hear." Translation: "Thank you. I know."

Good public speaking is all about per­ suasion…and you can't persuade anyone of anything if you aren't confident. So before grabbing the microphone or clutching the laser pointer at the head of the conference table, take a moment alone to psych yourself up.

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Say aloud, "There's a reason I've been chosen to speak: I am talented!" It sounds corny, but it's effective. Nakamoto says this is why: It gives you enormous energy, which is captivating, and also establishes an enthusiastic baseline so you launch into your spiel on a dynamic note. Once you start speaking, establish your credentials by subtly slipping in a third-­party endorsement of yourself, Nakamoto suggests. Example: "When Ms. CEO asked me to give this presentation, I was extremely honored."

8. You are redesigning your company's Website… and have no freakin' idea what you're doing.

Research from Northeastern University shows that people who feel cocky in the face of fresh challenges — whether it's learning to ride a motorcycle or preparing for a new job — exhibit greater perseverance on difficult tasks and achieve more success than do those who are more humble. So how do you convince yourself that you've got this in the bag?

Remember that the people who lent you the motorcycle or hired you for the job think you can do it...and are they idiots or are they right? The latter, of course. "Even if something doesn't feel true at the beginning, that doesn't mean it isn't true or won't become true over time," Sokol says.

Power Positions

In certain situations, it's extra hard to feel cocky — like right before a meeting with the boss or during the first five minutes of conversation with a hot guy. But work one of these commanding poses and you'll still exude supreme confidence.