I've been sleeping with this guy for about two years now. It started off as a one night stand because I'm attracted to older men and am a sucker for a bold, flirty, overconfident personality. I kept sleeping with him because he's next-level in the sack, and eventually FWB morphed into a boyfriend.

The sex is beyond amazing. I'm 25, I lost my virginity at 17, and there've been a fair number of men in the interim. I've never had anything even approaching this. So one lazy afternoon when his kids were out visiting their grandma and we were lying around in bed, I asked him if he knew what an amazing lover he is. He laughed and said yes... because I'm hardly the first woman who has told him so. So I asked him what's the secret.

His answer was that his greatest kink is a woman's pleasure. He says in order to enjoy sex to any degree, he needs to hear hitching breath and/or moans and feel our bodies writhe. He said that he could literally eat pussy all night and never have his dick touched... and come away satisfied. On the rare occasions that he watches porn, it's female masturbation porn or lesbian porn... where the focus is on female pleasure. It's his belief that he's good at sex because pleasing a woman, for him, is not a necessary returning of a favor... it's the whole point. He can't get off if it is not taking place.

It makes sense, thinking about our sex life in general. The first time we hooked up almost two years ago he brought me to orgasm twice before he even took his pants off. This sort of behavior has continued as a general trend. He always seems super tuned in to what my body wants and what I'm responding to, and now I realize it's because he's actively watching for it. Also, he can't come if I'm not getting anything. For instance, if I give him a BJ just by itself he'll enjoy it but can't get off. If I let him stimulate me at the same time... well, he still prefers to come in my vagina, but at least sometimes I can get him off in other ways IF I am also receiving pleasure.

So there you go gentlemen. The secret to making us scream is simply wanting it more than anything! Take note...

Or an infinite regress into eternal dissatisfaction as "What do you want?" is answered with "Whatever makes you happy, so what do you want?", followed up with "Whatever makes you happy, so what do you want?", ad infinium. Infinite regress can be a terrible trap. THen again formal logic does rarely help in matters of sex and relationship.

Or and infinite regress into eternal dissatisfaction as "What do you want?" is answered with "Whatever makes you happy, so what do you want?", followed up with "Whatever makes you happy, so what do you want?", ad infinium. Infinite regress can be a terrible trap. THen again formal logic does rarely help in matters of sex and relationship.

Been pleasin' Missus for 40 years now. Love every minute she's happy. You'r BF is on the right track, if you're happy he's happy. Nice thing about Missus is that she is a pleaser too. We don't have just plain old sex, we have thunder and lightening. We are in our early sixties and last Saturdays fling turned into 2 1/2 hours of back rubs, spankings, oral, PIV ass play and all the tiny little ticklings, smiles, kisses, ear whispers, breast sucklings and hand jobs two grandparents could stand. Yes, our love making is still a free for all of everything that makes love making great. Fucking is for teenagers the bored, selfish and inexperienced ;)

Oh most certainly! It is a well kept secret that sex continues after 50, 60, for some into their 70's. There is certainly a lot about health issues and how that affects this as well as how you maintain your relationships, but the reality is our dicks and twats don't fall off after 45. Lost of people experience resurgences in their sex lives after they pass 60.And no, going through menopause doesn't mean you will never have sex again.

I will say this, it ain't exactly the kind of sex we were having in our 20's. "rock hard" is something I no longer achieve without medical help, but no smoking and eating a far better diet than I did when younger and getting good exercise regularly would have gone a long way to seeing that go into my fifties perhaps even beyond.

Even without medical help I can raise enough of an erection for satisfying PIV for Missus and it still surprises both of us how wet she gets and how tight she is. Several weeks back as I was fingering her while giving her clit a good licking, I commented on how tight she was. It was not dryness, she was wet from herself, me and lube from using her vibrator/dildo. She was just fucking tight that night. And while she ain't the "Fountain of Youth" of her twenties, she gets wet enough that fingering doesn't hurt her and I don't have to pour a bottle of lube on her for PIV either. And she tastes as good today as she did the first time I ate her out. Her taste and scent still drives me crazy.

And while cumming is not as much a goal today as it was in past, we both still experience orgasm, though not every session, yet there is a deep emotional connection and physical satisfaction that leaves us both talking about how good last night was and both looking forward to the next time.

We are exploring new things, spanking, analingus, male prostate massage to mention a few. So it is not like we are just doing the things we were doing 40 years ago, we are continuing to explore new expressions of sexual pleasure.

So yes, have hope, In fact plan on the fact that you are more likely than not to be having an active sex life for the greater part of your life. There is an old saying "What we used to do all night, now takes all night". From where we're at right now, we're doing all night everything we've ever done at night and some we'd never thought we'd do too.

I'm sure you've noticed by now that pussy feels much better after she's come. If you put your dick in before she's come, it's not as wet and not as warm/hot as it is afterwards. That's why I believe in the old adage "ladies first" because it really makes a difference!

I could never fully explain to any partner that I've been with that I really do not need to off. Like, let's just lay here for a little while longer and get you a couple more.
My satisfaction comes when I see her jelly ass leg walk to the bathroom, praying she can make it to the next wall for support.

I'm the same with my partner, I'm often completely happy just taking my time pleasuring him and then snuggling up for a cuddle. I'm a very sexual being but I'd say 80% of my pleasure comes from pleasing him. There's something very gratifying about knowing you know your partner's body well enough to reduce them to a jelly legged mess with ease 😋

I'm the same way. It can be great, but a word of caution: fellas, we need to roll that shit out responsibly.

Be mindful of not making her feel like she HAS to cum or the sex sucked for you. For some women -- like, I suspect, the OP -- it's a total non-issue. You try, she's getting off, that's pretty much that.

But for other women, it's a lot more hit or miss just because of how she's wired. The last thing you want is for her to feel like she's letting you down if she doesn't get off. If anything, that kind of pressure will make it even LESS likely for her.

So by all means, try. Just keep your head in the right place -- you're gonna give her the opportunity to cum, and then she will or she won't, as her body decides. :-)

Spot on. I as a guy love to get the girl I am with off which in turn helps me get off. But as a younger man I had a gf who sometimes would and sometimes would not get off. I would become frustrated and start to think she was not enjoying herself which caused issues and played on my ego. Knowing she is enjoying herself is what gets me off and without it it caused issues. As per most relationships communication fixed the problem. Once we spoke about it I realized just because she wasn't cumming everytime didn't mean she wasn't enjoying it. We broke up briefly while we went away to college but recently have gotten back together. By far best sex I've had is with her.

For me a lot is also the attitude. Say the man is exhausted after sex; there's still a big difference between holding her in your arms and whispering dirty stuff to her as she touches herself, and giving her a kiss on the head, saying goodnight and rolling over.

More and more I think it isn't always that. I think she hasn't had the right one, or the right kind. If you do the math that a lot of men don't care, and a lot of women have a hard time coming, then seems to me that is the case.

We are out there, nothing is better than pleasing a woman. The way her body talks is the greatest thrill in the world. I've cum before by going down on a woman. To me the moans the talking the breathing and body movements is the epitome of erotic.

I've been seeing this guy for about a month who I think is like this. At least the first few times definitely were. Never came so hard and so much in my life from foreplay alone. To be honest I'm worried I've been a bit selfish so hopefully he'll let me focus a bit more on him tonight. Good post, thanks!

Huh, this is really interesting because I am pretty similar. I get off on the pleasure of my partner, but I never quite connected the dots of some of my sexual preferences with that fact. I too don't really get much out of blow jobs. I don't particularly care for vanilla, PIV sex because my current partner doesn't really get stimulated by it, and when we do engage in PIV I am pretty much focused entirely on making sure I'm hitting her in just the right spots and I can last practically forever unless she is close to cumming. I basically always come at the same time she does with PIV sex, because when she is close you can definitely tell, and it drives me wild.

Personally, I love giving sensual massages, back rubs, focus on oral or manual stimulation, and I just slowly try and figure out what I can do to please my partner. I thrive on feedback and seeing results.

Never really thought about it being my fetish/kink or something that I need to actually climax, but there it is, I guess.

I can confirm. That's true. I'm doing the same! It works every time. With every girl I've been so far. No matter what she loves. We do it. And I can't come until I see her moving slowly and breathing deep or any other signs of pleasure.... Totally confirmed!

I know this dude. He sounds a lot like myself. I don't want to come nowhere but inside my woman not on her titties not on her face none of that. I get off on giving pleasure also so I can relate to damn everything you said about old dude.

Oh this. 100% this. I could be getting the best bj of my life and it would be fine. But hearing my gf getting off, seeing her body move and hearing her voice, knowing the things I'm doing right and hitting those spots, that's instant orgasm town for me. I get that everyone has their own fetishes, but for me, getting my girl off is my fetish. And I can be the biggest dom in bed or super submissive, as long as what I'm doing gets my girl off.

Honestly, sounds like an older me. I always tell the women I date that my goal and kink is to please them first. They always think it's a joke/fluff, because so many men act like hot shit, when they can't even find a womans clit. But then I tend to blow them away. It's not about having a 10 inch penis or giant biceps. Just listen and feel everything that's going on with the woman beneath/on top of you. You can tell when a woman isn't enjoying it, and if they aren't, man up and figure out why. Take the hit to your "pride" and do better by her.
I'm not sure why I'm this way, could be that because I wasn't having sex during high school, but instead was learning about females bodies/desires. I read articles about what women want, what they felt was ignored, and I pounded (giggty) that into my brain I guess?
It's so odd that most men don't think like this, they might actually get laid more often if they did.

This is a great way to articulate every thing I’ve always felt. My greatest sexual pleasure comes from watching her surrender to an orgasm, lean into the wave, and come crashing back to reality just to start it all over again. Sometimes we play around with power play and my go to move is CNC and “force” her to have another orgasm right after finishing with no time to come down. After having 5 or so in a row, it will usually build up into a massive one. Hands down best rush I ever get is watching all of that build up.

This is my relationship, my gf asked “how do u do that to me!?!?” My response “if you aren’t getting off I can’t get off”
It also helps us when we roleplay and try new things cause I instantly tell when she’s done
With something and I can stop. Take care of her and she’ll take care of you. Likewise I can’t cum from her oral. It feels amazing but unless I have her screaming and moaning i can’t get there. Lol it’s weird but she’s not complaining

After being in a pleaser/pleaser relationship, its tough to be in anything else. Currently in a giver/taker relationship and it builds resentment sometimes. Being a pleaser has gotten me plenty of word of mouth strange.

That's right, people... It's true... Paying attention and focusing not only on your partner's needs, but what they are communicating to you through body reactions and vocalization pays off in HUGE dividends..

Isn't this placing women on a pedestal? Shouldn't both partners mutually be getting pleasure out of sex. Sorry if I'm looking into this wrong but you're saying the secret to good sex is to care about the other person's need more than your own?

You missed the point. He's great at pleasing women because that IS what fulfills his need. Seriously, during piv he doesn't come till I do. I thought simultaneous orgasm was a myth till I met him, but if I come while he's inside of me, he comes. It glorious.

That’s exactly what makes him good in bed. I’m that way too. You can’t just make love with the attitude that pleasing your woman is returning a favor because, at the heart of that attitude is the selfish desire for your own pleasure ( and it’s first ). You have to make love for her pleasure; where her pleasure is your pleasure.

This kind of reminds of this guy I was seeing some years back. You looooved eating me out, like he did with a passion. Unfortunately things didn’t work out, but I love much he took his time down there.

I was chuckling while I was reading this because it sounds like what I hear.

My thing is one step more than just the fact that her pleasure is paramount to me. I also get 110% zoned in focused on what I am doing and who I am with. I have literally been in the middle of group scenes and I am oblivious to what is going on around men just her and I.

Oh yeah, coming from a bisexual woman, he's totally right. I'm the same way with my partner. I need to know that they're enjoying themselves and really feeling it. My boyfriend is the same way and loves eating me out and it's amazing. It makes for some really fun times.

Beyond true! My partner will make me cum until he’s satisfied. Even if I’m pleasuring him he will stop me in the middle to get me off again to get him off faster. He’s told me numerous times that my moaning alone can make him cum. It’s literally the best sex I’ve had in my life (and my numbers are well over 100 at this point)

My approach to sex has always been... Even if we are never married and quickly move on our separate ways. When my sexual partners time is short and she reflects back on her life. When she thinks of the best sex she ever had.....I want my face to appear in her mind and it to bring her a moment of peace.

As a man this always just seemed to intuitively make sense to me. I never understood the "prison pound her til you cum yayyy" mentality. Of course I want my partner to always enjoy herself as much as I'm able to make her, it's not sexy otherwise. I'd even rather be turned down for sex, moreso than have it when my girl isn't totally into it.

Well... that too! Maybe I'm a cliche, but I'm completely incapable of being attracted to shy men. I think that may be one reason I go for older guys; I don't know what's happened but it's my perception that men my age just aren't as bold or assertive as the generation or so before.

Probably it's taught that being assertive and bold in certain situations(flirting with/asking out a stranger you don't know, etc.) could be seen as creepy/uncomfortable to women. This would probably make men less likely/ self-conscious about approaching and being bold. Previous generations weren't hammered down with this idea compared to how millennial and genZ men are.

Go right ahead and downvote me, but I'll tell you what Western society has become. A more civilized place than any other in the history of the human race. You know, a horrible place where gay people can get married, girls can vote and men are taught to be respectful towards women.

Whoa, as a millennial man, I'm not with the whole men today aren't real men mentality. I was just pointing out that there were certain dating behaviors that were more acceptable back then compared to today.

I'm with you here. 40-45 seems to be the sweet spot for men, in my experience. If a man took care of himself until then, his body will still be at peak performance, but he will have 20-25 years of experience in the bedroom under his belt by then... mix those with the attitude you mentioned, and the three make for a very pleasurable combination.

Absolutely! My man is 42. Still in great shape, stamina for days, and gets an erection faster than some men I've been with who are half his age. It's great! He says he keeps waiting for that sexual decline people keep talking about, but no sign of it yet.

Whenever I slept with someone younger than me I really ended up missing the emotional maturity, and the sexual experience of an older man... younger guys, more often than not, only know how to fuck, but not how to make love. Due to their relative inexperience most don't have the stamina to keep up with me, either.

It felt amazing when I finally met someone who could match me step for step, someone I didn't need to hold back with, someone who could satisfy me completely.

I feel the same way. I'm still a virgin, but all I can ever think about is being between a woman's legs. I'd love for my first sexual experience to be solely focused around me exploring her body and pleasing her with my hands and mouth. I can't imagine anything more arousing than that.

OP, you have discovered the secret. My partner is honestly and consistently the best sex I’ve had and I’ve had my fair share of partners (48, active since 15). What I’ve noticed that sets him apart is his complete attention to me and his desire to pleasure me, no matter what it is. He’s communicative, educated (sexually, well read and whatnot) and totally dialed into the moment. Every time is something different and he never fails to blow my mind. He always leaves me waiting anxiously for the next encounter. But the thing is...I wonder if he’s ruined sex with other men because he just does everything perfectly. I am an admitted size queen and while he doesn’t fit that bill-or relationship is such that I can fill that need elsewhere but I don’t know if I even want to 🤔

Wow. Funny to read this because in many ways this is me. My kink is reaching new plateaus, places, and reactions with my wife. I can't come unless she's been partially taken care of at a high level or she demands I do.

Humble-brag but she came so much last night with huge squirts I'm still stunned. It was a large puddle! And upon waking with after typical greetings and hellos she's alluding to again tonight. I was a bit surprised that so soon after waking but her reply was "well, of course, it's Friday!" with this wonderful wink.