Fans of Fangirl

Beach – Prompt

It’s days like today* that you think about the times when life was that little bit easier. What I am learning so far about motherhood is that it’s not actually easy. I was never under the illusion that it would be, but there was the hope that my child would be the one exception to all those rules that no one tells you about.
Today, my son has been crying on and off for nearly seven hours. Needless to say I am currently feeling a bit frazzled and like I am the worlds worst mother for taking a few minutes for myself to go to the toilet while he continues to wail over what seems to be nothing – I am sure it is something, but it seems to me whatever I try just makes it worse… or settles him for a few minutes which gives me the false hope that he might get some rest.

As such I’ve been pretty neglectful of a few other things today; the washing up and other house work, the small list of things I’d like to have done like reading a chapter of the book I am currently trying to get through and the dog.

As it might have been reported, I adore my dog and I feel guilty that he has to spend some days entertaining himself by seemingly staring at nothing on the floor. I was reminded by the ‘Beach’ prompt today of the great time we spent on Formby Beach when he was a mere puppy chasing the foam as it flew past like it was the best thing in the entire world. And I wondered what it would be like if it was just me and the pup again. We’d be free to go on nice spring/summery walks together without having to struggle with the pram – or cross off places that we can’t go as the pram wouldn’t fit or the path would be too muddy or some other such excuse that makes your extremely bad mummy thoughts maybe feel a little bit more justified?

And then you have a moment when your child looks at you and smiles**, and actually the crying really isn’t that bad after all and it’s all worth it.

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*today might not be the day this post is actually published, due to the nature of today.
** Even though the smile was probably just gas