Why I’ve Been Missing

Let me cut to the chase, I’ve been going through dark times and striving to hold on to the Light. That’s the main idea. If you’re an avid reader, as most of us are, I’d appreciate if you’d read on.

To be honest, I never really imagined that people would miss my blog posts. I’ve missed everyone.

I’ve posted on this blog fairly consistently in the early months of this year, and somehow found myself slowly fading away. It was heartbreaking for me, since I’ve loved this blog like a baby as I experienced the warmth and joy of being part of an amazing community of brilliant bloggers here. Each one has inspired me as I read more about the different lives and journeys people go through.

I like to consider us all daily warriors, a family. So I want to let you know where I’ve been and where I am now.

I hit a wall.I was in a maze of paradoxes about life and existence. My mind was a wreck. I had running thoughts and I couldn’t grasp them. I couldn’t focus. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t write. I could barely even express myself in my own personal journal.

I was a mess. I had to give every ounce of effort I had left to somehow get by and do my job for a few hours. Living independently, I needed to survive. For the rest of the time, I spent them trying to calm down and relax.

I tried to deal with it all myself.

I retreated to the safety of my own bed every time I feel like I can’t function or deal with other people as the happy, positive person they know me to be. Some of us get so good at hiding behind our smiles that other people have no idea what we’re going through at all.

Depression and anxiety attacked me day in and day out. The spirit of death followed me around, no matter how hard I tried to remove its grip on me. I didn’t recognize who was looking back at me on my mirror. Reality became vague as nightmares and sleep paralysis became more frequent. How could I sleep when my dreams tormented me? How could I stay awake when I was exhausted all the time? I fall asleep from fatigue, not knowing if I would wake up the next day. Nor if I still wanted to.

I was falling, no, drowning… Grasping for air… Flailing my arms desperately trying to hold on to something.

And it is only by God’s grace that I am saved. He is the only One I can cling to, and trust to hold me at my weakest and darkest times. In getting lost within myself, I forgot the most important thing.

God is always with me. As soon as I held on to Him, I slowly got back on my feet. The negative thoughts are gradually being replaced with wonderful promises for an amazing future.

I know that we have different beliefs and worldviews, and I respect that. I hope you can allow me to share just how real and how amazing God’s love is. Truth is verifiable and observable. To me, He is the truth… the only constant thing in my life. I couldn’t have lasted this long without His presence and guidance. His power is ultimately greater than any challenge that comes along. It takes a choice to live closely walking with Him moment by moment, so we will not lose our way.

I know that some situations call for professional help and medication, but there’s nothing that compares to the peace that surpasses all understanding when I am caught in the embrace of God’s love. He is my Healer and my Counselor.

I’m a huge work in progress, but I know that I have a God who will never leave me. My hope is in Him, and my purpose in life is to share His love to the world.

I got caught up with so many things in this life, that I lost sight of this. I am definitely weak and have so much more to deal with, but I can rest knowing that God is on my side.

I tend to shy away when my thoughts have become too dark, but I also want to share this journey with you.

There’s a danger in shutting ourselves in and showing a facade of strength. The lion preys on the weakest link, the lone calf that strays away from the others. In the same way, the enemy attacks us when we are alone and most vulnerable.

So let us always share who we are and what we are going through to the ones who care and love us.Don’t carry the burden alone.

I hope you know that God loves you and He will always want you to be in His presence. Yet in our freedom of choice, we can walk away from him. Sometimes, we just need to acknowledge that we are weak in our own strength and run back to Him. And He will always welcome us with open arms, enveloped in his pure love.

Thanks so much for the reply Liz 😊. Yes, I agree with you and as you said we need each other 😊. Your blog is really awesome and inspiring. You have a great gift within you.Please continue blogging and inspire people around you 😊. And if you can please do visit my blog and let me know about it. It would be really helpful 😊. This is the link to my blog

Nice to see you after a long time Liz…..I remember the days when we all used to wait for the Daily Warriors posts and tag our own posts to the prompt…..yes we are all part of this great community, and together we will grow……..great to hear that you have come to positive times in your life, and that’s what will stay……we all have our darker phases, and with faith in God and positivity, we come out of it…..:), I am currently going through a similar phase, but I am trying to keep blogging to engage my mind in something which I enjoy….

Hi Liz.
It was such a blessing to read your post. Thank you for sharing your testimony. I’m so aware of God’s unconditional love towards us at this time of my life as well and is sometimes just in awe. Listening to “What a beautiful name” Hillsongs and I’m just overwhelmed by his presence. Life gets scary sometimes but oh boy if you cling onto the King of Kings…your Abba Father you can rest assured…YOU GONA BE JUST FINE!
Love
Chanty

Thank you for sharing your story Liz. It broke my heart to read what you’ve been going through and then lifted it to know that you were able to hold onto your faith in God to get you through the valley.

Sometimes we put way too much pressure on ourselves to remain positive 24/7, and it results in us feeling we just can’t measure up to that. God knows that; He knows what we need before we can even cry out to Him. I’m so glad you were able to lean on Him and walk back up out of that valley.

You are so right that we need to not shut ourselves away. Being vulnerable is hard, but you never know when you may help someone else by sharing your story, and by letting others help you through your challenges, you’re giving them an incredible blessing.