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OFFICER RECOUNTS DIALLO'S SHOOTING IN DAY ON STAND

His head low and his voice halting, Officer Sean Carroll broke a year of public silence today to describe how he led his three partners into the shooting of Amadou Diallo, who was struck by 19 of 41 police bullets fired at him as he stood, unarmed, in the lobby of his apartment building in the Bronx.

With Mr. Diallo's parents and Officer Carroll's own family in the front row of the courtroom, he choked out his testimony as he described his realization of his mistake.

In an attempt to resuscitate Mr. Diallo, Officer Carroll then lifted his shirt, he said. But seeing two bullet wounds in his abdomen, he decided he might do more harm than good. ''I said, 'Oh, my God.' I just held his hand and rubbed his face and said, 'Please don't die.' ''

The testimony of Officer Carroll, who had never before spoken publicly about what happened that night, is the centerpiece of the defense in the trial of the four white New York City police officers charged with the murder of Mr. Diallo, a Guinean immigrant, on Feb. 4 last year. The defense lawyers hope to humanize the officers by putting them on the witness stand to explain what happened, in their own words, and make the jury see the incident from their point of view.

The defense needs to persuade the jury that the shooting was justified. Both Officer Carroll and Officer Edward McMellon, who testified later in the day, said that they thought Mr. Diallo had a gun, and that they feared for their lives.

The jurors, four blacks and eight whites, watched Mr. Carroll intently, but showed no reaction as he testified. Mr. Diallo's mother, Kadiatou, hung her head and wept as Officer Carroll described the final minutes of her son's life. Mr. Diallo, he said, never uttered a word throughout the entire incident, even as he lay dying.

Of the four defendants, Officer Carroll looks, perhaps, the least like the stereotypical police officer. His hair is a bit longer than the extra-short cuts of the three other defendants and his rimless glasses give him the bookish appearance of a high school English teacher.

Born in Flushing, Queens, on Feb. 15, 1963, Mr. Carroll is the oldest of six children. He has been married for 13 years and has an 11-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son. He attended college for several years and spent five years as a restaurant manager before entering the New York Police Academy in 1993. He had wanted a military career, he said, because ''I was always brought up to help people.'' But his family obligations made that impractical, he said, so he joined the police department.

Officer Carroll first lost his composure today when his lawyer, John D. Patten, asked, ''Who is Kevin Gillespie?''

''Kevin Gillespie was a friend of mine,'' he replied after a long pause. ''He was shot and killed on the Grand Concourse approximately three years ago.'' It was decided, he said, that ''because he was such a great person and even a better cop, his locker would be left as a shrine in his memory.'' That locker was near his at the headquarters of the Street Crime Unit on Randalls Island, and he saw it every day, he said.

The defense has asserted that incidents like the Gillespie killing, which occurred in March 1996, and other experiences the officers have had played a role in their state of mind on the night of the Diallo shooting.

Officer Carroll had been in the department's Street Crimes Unit for about two years when the Diallo shooting happened. He had fired his gun only once before, he said, in August 1997, when someone was shooting at him and another officer from the roof of an apartment building. The shooter was not caught.

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Mr. Diallo caught his attention, Officer Carroll said, because he kept looking up and down the street from the stoop of his building, then retreating. He and the three other officers, in an unmarked car and plain clothes, stopped and got out of the car, with Officer Carroll leading the way. Mr. Diallo, he said, fit the general description of a serial rapist they had been looking for who followed women into buildings.

''I'm trying to figure out what's going on, what this guy's up to,'' he said, referring to Mr. Diallo. He would ''peek out,'' then ''slink back,'' he said. Officer Carroll said he also thought Mr. Diallo might have been a lookout for a ''push-in robber,'' who would push his way into an apartment and, possibly, attack or murder someone inside.

Officer Carroll said he and Officer McMellon were the first to approach Mr. Diallo. Officer Carroll testified that as Mr. Diallo stood in the vestibule and the officers were outside on the sidewalk, Officer McMellon displayed his badge and said: ''Sir, please, New York police. We need a word with you.'' Then, again, Officer McMellon said, ''Please hold it one second. We need a word with you,'' Officer Carroll testified.

Officer Carroll said Mr. Diallo then turned away ''as if he wanted to shield from my view what he might have'' under his jacket. ''I said, 'Police. We want a word with you,' '' the officer testified. Mr. Diallo started digging in his pocket with his right hand. ''I heard Officer McMellon say, 'Please show me your hands,' '' Officer Carroll said. Mr. Diallo, he said, ''just didn't want to listen.''

After that, things happened quickly. Mr. Diallo seemed to be pulling an object from his pocket, ''and all I could see was the top slide of a black gun,'' Officer Carroll said. ''I just said, 'Gun. He's got a gun.' ''

Mr. Diallo was pointing the ''gun'' at Officer McMellon, who said, ''What are you doing? What are you doing?'' Officer Carroll said. He said he thought Officer McMellon had been shot and so he opened fire on Mr. Diallo. But Officer McMellon testified later that he had backed out of the building and fallen down.

After that, there was rapid gunfire and, Officer Carroll said, it appeared that muzzle blasts were coming from Mr. Diallo's weapon. Despite being hit by several shots, Mr. Diallo remained standing, he said, adding that he thought Mr. Diallo must be wearing a bulletproof vest. Then he began firing at Mr. Diallo's legs, he said.

''Although everything seemed like it was going in slow motion, it was all over in seconds,'' the officer said. After the shooting ended and Mr. Diallo was on the floor, Officer Carroll grabbed the black object in the man's hand and realized it was a wallet.

Officer McMellon gave a similar account, adding that when the shooting started he tried to back out of the vestibule ''because I didn't want to die.'' He fell down the stairs, and continued shooting from the ground, he said.

Neither officer would say who fired first. Each said he was not sure.

Single and 27, Officer McMellon grew up in the Park Slope section of Brooklyn and attended the School of Performing Arts. He attended college for several years and joined the Police Department in 1993.

Today, lawyers for the officers recalled Schrrie Elliott, a defense witness who surprised them last week with damaging statements about the officers. Having had her declared a hostile witness, the lawyers were able to cross-examine her about contradictory statements she had made about the shooting. She had said that she witnessed it, and that she had heard one officer shout, ''Gun!'' But she also said they got out of their cars with their guns drawn and never gave Mr. Diallo any warnings.