A frog-hunting pink ninja

When your dog has more hoodies than you do I think it's safe to say you're old and out of touch — and that you and your wife are just one teeeeeensy step away from putting wigs on her and posing her in old-timey outfits for photographs intended only to shame other Facebook dog owners into admitting that our Ellie is the most adorable thing in the universe.

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By Michael Jonesmjones@stuttgartdailyleader.com

Stuttgart Daily Leader - Stuttgart, AR

By Michael Jonesmjones@stuttgartdailyleader.com

Posted Nov. 19, 2013 at 4:42 PM

By Michael Jonesmjones@stuttgartdailyleader.com

Posted Nov. 19, 2013 at 4:42 PM

STUTTGART

I'm not sure when it happened but my dog has not only become more popular than I am but also more fashionable. Mind you, I'm not talking about the fur coat she wears 24 hours a day and seven days a week — she's such a bourgeois pup! — but the cavalcade of shirts, hoodies and one fantastically pink coat that the dog struts around in.

When your dog has more hoodies than you do I think it's safe to say you're old and out of touch — and that you and your wife are just one teeeeeensy step away from putting wigs on her and posing her in old-timey outfits for photographs intended only to shame other Facebook dog owners into admitting that our Ellie is the most adorable thing in the universe.

Ever.

She is. Shut it.

Since she is such a celebrity, however, I thought I might take a moment to see what she thinks about all of this business with the hoodies and coats, etc.

So. Ellie. Do you like your new clothes?

YAYAYAYAY! FAT MAN DADDY FINALLY LETS ELLIE HAVE ANOTHER COLUMN!! YAYAYAY THAT MUST MEAN HE'S FINALLY TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING HIM THAT HE SUCKS AND ELLIE IS THE BEST. KNOW WHY ELLIE IS THE BEST? KNOW WHY? KNOW WHY? BECAUSE ELLIES GOTZ CLOTHES NOW! I GOT PINK CLOTHES AND PINK CLOTHES AND MORE PINK CLOTHES AND EBEN MORE PINK CLOTHES ELLIE IS PRETTY!!!

Ellie? ELLIE! Stop dancing in the corner trying to eat the sofa!! Come here. Tell me what is your favorite thing to wear? Was it the cute t-shirt we bought you that said you were a cutie-pie with a picture of a little pie on it?

ELLIE'S MOUTH FEELS ALL SPARKLY NOW! I LIKE IT BETTER WIFS THE LIGHTS ALL OFFZ!!! DAT MAKES IT EASIER TO HUNT FROGZ!! OMG! OMGOMGOMGOMG DADDY!!!! I NEED A NEW CLOTHES!! I NEED FROG HUNTING CLOTHEZ!!

Phew. Ok. The fire is out and I've got the.. WHY ARE YOU STICKING BONES INTO THAT CUSHION THAT LOOKS LIKE A… Omg.. my dog is trying to do frog voodoo with bones and a sofa cushion…

DIS BIG FROGGY! I'M GOING TO WHACK HIM INNNA HEAD WITH A BONE AND THEN I'M GONNA EAT HIM. HE'S NEVER EBER GONNA SEE ME COMING BECAUSE I'M GONNA HAVES A NINJA SUIT. DEN I'M GONNA JUMP OUT OF THE NIGHT AND BE LIKE "FORGET YOU FROGGIE! I'M ELLIE DAH NINJA" AND THEN I'M GOING TO WHACK HIM ALL ON THE HEAD WITH MY NINJA BONES AND DEN I'M GONNA EAT HIM!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Page 2 of 2 - You are not a ninja. You are a dog. Your clothes are all pink.

WHAT DAH???? ELLIE CANNOT BE A PINK NINJAZ!!! ALL THE FROGZ WILL LAUGH AT ME!!!

HOW CAN I WHACK A FROGZ ON THE HEAD LIKE THIS (whacks me on the head with a bone)

OW!

SEE!!! DIS IS AWESOME BONE NINJA POWER HEAD WHACKING SKILLZ!! I GOTZ TO GET OUT THERE AND GET THE FROGZ BEFORE THEY ALL FREEZE AND THEN COME ALIVE IN THE FUTURZE LIKE TERMINA… TERMNIMA.. ROBOT FROGZ FROM THE FUTURE!!!

What? Wait. Have you been watching the Terminator? How have you… wait.. where is my

iPad? ELLIE? WHERE IS MY IPAD?

….

ELLIE! WHERE IS IT?

ELLIE DON'T KNOW!! WHY YOU ALWAYZ BLAME ME!? ALL I WAS DOING IS SITTING HERE. I WAS SITTING HERE SEE AND BEING GOOD AND NOT DOING ANYTHING BAD. NOTHING BAD AT ALL. I WAS JUST SITTING THERE AND THIS FROG —DADDY HE WAS THE MOST BIGGEST MEANEST FROG YOU EVER SEEN — HE TRIED TO TAKE YOUR COMPUTER THINGIE. I SAID

"HEY, MEAN FROGGY! GIMMIE DATZ BACK! DATZ FOR MY FAT DADDY MIKEY!!!"

DEN I ATE HIM. HE MAY HAVE STILL BEEN HOLDING THE LILIPAD THINGIE WHEN I EATZ HIM..