deciding on a C-section for Baby #3

So I've decided to have a scheduled C-section this time around. This has been such a difficult decision for me. Making the decision and emotionally being ok with it. I had a C-section with Shepherd and I had a VBAC with Major and a natural birth. I loved Major's birth so much and honestly put a lot of "work" into having a VBAC.

The day Shepherd was born is still the best day of my life, but in hindsight I was so disappointed with the fact that I had an UNNECCESARY C-section.

Let me be clear, I am not knocking C-sections! I know there are a lot of hot button topics out there when it comes to motherhood, but I hope that is obvious. I am so thankful that C-sections are available and there are plenty of babies that NEED to be delivered via C-section, or moms who choose to have a C-section for their own reasons. Now I am one of those moms! Shepherd just wasn't one of them and I wish I had known better.

I just loved the whole process of Major's birth and the unknown excitement of going into labor on his timing. Vaginal birth was much easier on me and an easier recovery, and having experienced both, I would choose a vaginal birth a million times over.

But, you may remember, I injured/fractured my tailbone during Major's delivery. It took about 8 months for me to feel like it had "healed." But "healed" to me at that point was defined by, "I can sit down without wincing." It still bothered me. Honestly I probably should have had my license taken away in those first few months after Major's birth. I was in so much pain while driving that I definitely couldn't react quickly had I needed to. For months I had to coat myself in Icy Hot just to get in a car. And its still something I'm aware of every single day, even now, nearly 2 years later. When I got pregnant with Baby #3, before I even knew I was pregnant, I noticed my tailbone acting up. I noticed my tailbone hurting while I was standing up, something I'd never had a problem with. The further along I get in this pregnancy, the more it is bothering me. The other night when we went to dinner for my birthday, I could barely stand up from the table, which hasn't happened since Major was little.

I've been doing a lot of research and getting opinions from doctors. No one has told me what I should definitely do, but the vibe I always get is that with my tailbone, a C-section is probably a good idea. One of my friends who is in the medical field and studied at John Hopkins even asked around some specialists and the advice she got was the I should not risk further injuring myself with a vaginal birth. Now that I've had a tailbone injury during childbirth, my chances of it happening again are slightly higher.

This pregnancy has already been harder. I've gone back and forth, but I've decided that in my case, there is less risk to opt for a scheduled C-section. I will have three boys who need me to take care of them and want a mom who can sit down and get in the floor and play. After Major was born I couldn't sit cross legged on the floor for months. It still hurts when I do, but its much better. I can't risk chronic pain. I think suffering from chronic pain becomes more than just a physical pain and starts to affect your mental state too. I remember when I was pregnant with Shepherd and had the constant itching all over my body. It was all I could think about, and I remember thinking, "if I didn't know this was going to end, I would go crazy!"

I joined this private Facebook group for people with coccyx injuries, and I quickly realized what I'm dealing with is not that bad. While my injury is something I'm aware of everyday, its totally bearable for me. Other people are going to all these means to get relief, with seemingly not great results. I'm talking, steroid injections on a regular basis, epidurals, life long medication, acupuncture, spinal cord stimulation, X-rays, MRIs, CT scans, surgery to completely remove the coccyx...and so much more. After seeing their posts, I can't risk injuring myself again and having it get worse.

Here are some examples of posts I've seen and immediately thought, I cannot let that be me!

I saw this next one and thought "well that's a little dramatic" but then it had a lot of likes and comments, so obviously a lot of people feel this way!

So I am still mourning a little bit that I won't have the birth I would prefer, I at least do feel very confident that this is the best decision for me and the baby. I have a very supportive midwife who I have already talked to about having a "family centered Cesarean section." Once I meet with the OB and write down my birth plan I'll share that on the blog. My fear is just being seen as a surgery, and not this is the day of my child's birth. I am scarred from listening to the doctor and nurses all chit chat about nothing when Shepherd was being born. I'm also just scared of being cut open. I know I've done it once before, but I was so drugged from the induction I was out of it. I'm scared of the epidural, I'm scared I'll be able to feel it. I'm dreading the recovery and not being able to drive for a few weeks or pick up Shep and Major. I'm trying not to think about it.

One last thought. The thing that bothers me is the idea that a c section is not a delivery. That's not something that has directly been said to me, I think it's just a thing I've noticed that's put out there by society indirectly. I've seen posts about c sections where people say "prayers for a healthy surgery"...not delivery, surgery. I remember a conversation with girlfriends before and someone who had only had c sections said something to the effect of "I don't know anything about birthing babies." And that just breaks my heart. I've given birth both ways. I can tell you there is no easy way to have a baby. The idea that mothers can carry a baby for 9 months and then be fed this idea that they didn't birth it, it makes me sad and infuriates me at the same time.

So that is my plan. My midwife said I can always change my mind, which is reassuring, but my tailbone literally feels like it's burning every day, so I don't think I will.

2 comments:

I think I found your blog when I was newly pregnant with my first little guy and have been following along since then. :) I've had 2 scheduled c-sections (breech baby and 10+ lb baby) and both have been very, very positive experiences. I never felt like I was missing out on anything and I got to hold/nurse my babies within minutes. My recovery went really well both times and I was up and walking as soon as possible.

I know every situation is different and people have VERY strong opinions about birthing babies, but scheduled c-sections are a lot different than emergency c-sections.

Anyway, I realize it's a really tough decision - just wanted to say that even though c-sections tend to get a bad rap, there are plenty of positive experiences out there. Best of luck with little guy #3. :)

P.S. I am super jealous of your gorgeous hair and think you need to write a hair tutorial post!!

Hi! Thanks for commenting. I'm always pleasantly surprised when someone reads this thing ;) I'm glad to hear you had two good experiences! You hear so many horror stories. I'm hoping since this is scheduled I'll have an easy time! And the good thing about having it scheduled is I have a plan for someone to watch the boys! I'll have to do a hair post one of these days. Google the Michelle Money curl...life goal to get her to give me a makeover!