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It has been almost 24 hours since the per­son released the sex tape of Ming Yang, the Tik­Tok star, that cutie boy that got famous almost overnight.

When I first saw the screen­shot, I thought to myself it would not be him. I mean, it does look real­ly alike, but just from the screen­shot, it is hard to tell. Alas, when I saw the video, it is indeed him.

My heart felt sour, it felt a lit­tle more than hurt. I was feel­ing uneasy. I was try­ing to calm down and rea­son to myself; I do not know him. He is cute, total­ly my type, young, and inno­cent. He had been involved a lot with social media. He had been in the news quite often. Then his con­tent got a lit­tle bor­ing. I don’t remem­ber the last time I saw him on my Insta­gram Sto­ries, not because I did not want to see his sto­ries (maybe a lit­tle, when his posts are about screen­shots of some­thing) but work got the bet­ter of me.

I saw the first video, of the guy insert­ing it to him. You can see that he is not com­fort­able. It has that real­ly weird feel­ing that he is being trapped, that weird feel­ing that he was being forced to do some­thing like that, that weird feel­ing that he was being cat­fished.

Then I saw the sec­ond video, right at the end, he was say­ing in Chi­nese “Are you done yet?”

Clear­ly, the top is just using him.

Then when I saw the third video, did he actu­al­ly enjoyed it? Was he actu­al­ly okay with it? Was it just a bad judg­ment call at that moment of time?

It is weird. Weird why because of all peo­ple, I actu­al­ly felt for this boy. Me, a per­son who freely dis­trib­ut­ing my own sex tape, the per­son who expos­es cutie boys because they were too picky. Me, that per­son who more often than not, tries to black­mail with sex tapes of boys in hope of get­ting a sec­ond fuck.

How can I have such con­trast feel­ings? Clear­ly, those boys that I put my sex tapes out, I know them. I don’t know this Tai­wanese boy, and yet some­thing inside me felt some­thing. It is as though I want to help him do some­thing, its like, I want to bor­row my shoul­der to him, give him a pat on the head and tell him every­thing will be alright, every­thing will be fine.

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For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these rea­sons, it was unfair that only gay peo­ple had to come out, I was sick of change, but the truth is, I was just scared.

First, I thought it was just a gay thing but then I realised that no mat­ter what, announc­ing who you are to the world is pret­ty ter­ri­fy­ing cause what if the world does­n’t like you. So, I did what­ev­er I could to keep my secret.

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Want­ed to write some­thing here, then right in front of the key­board, don’t know what to write.

When on the way walk­ing to the key­board that time, a lot of things run­ning through the mind can’t wait to be writ­ten down. Alas.

I think work has been great. Noth­ing earth-shat­ter­ing as of yet but hope­ful­ly by this time next year, I would have done some changes.

Final­ly for­mat­ted my com­put­er, some­thing that I should have done a long time. Time to upgrade too as this I think is too old. I nev­er believe that hard­ware could not last more than 10 years. At least until I used a Dell.

My friends would know me well that I am a pret­ty brand loy­al guy. When I find some­thing that I like, I would stick to that brand.