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Milkshake.

Remember when I could accurately call myself a food blogger, because I actually blogged about food. Ahh – those were the days. The days I where I felt connected to your happy faces, the days where I had a simple yet extra sweet escape from real life. I could come , frolic and play in icing, roll around in sprinkles and then, when I had my dose of sweetness, I could go back out there and take over the world.

I need a safe word – – or a safety phrase. And so it shall be Milkshake. Is that a weird safety word? – here’s the logic I FREAKING LOVE Milkshakes, but too much of it always gives me both a brain freeze and a tummy ache. Kind of like when life gets bonkers …. I secretly love it … but too crazy results in me loosing my head … and well butterflies the size of titanic that may very well sink.
And trust me when I say …MILKSHAKEMILKSHAKEMILK FREAKING SHAAAAKKKEE.
With a cherry on top … oh and whipped cream.

So why has my life been so crazy * Note:total vent session about to begin …. And probably lots of self-pep talking * ;

1. Work; There has been lots of changes in my office and I’m really just trying to stay afloat – I’m also secretly/not so secretly looking to change jobs. This happens all the time with me. Mama LTSL is convinced I have problems … in both a good way and a bad way. I just feel at my age and with all of the opportunities available to me – I have no reason to get comfortable in a job. Don’t be confused … all I mean is once I attain a certain level … I stick around for a while … leave my mark and then I’m ready to move on to bigger and better. Which is good right, I mean I want to be ambitious – – but HOLY MILK SHAKE WOMAN, is this is the time to shake the one stable thing in your life?!

2. Baking; it’s all been orders … I haven’t really done any leisurely baking … nor ice cream making. MILKSHAKEMILKSHAKEMILKSHAKE .. I love baking for my clients, but every now and again a girl wants one of her own peanut butter fudge cookies!! You don’t want the cookies, you want comfort – go workout and release your crazy vibes.

3. Working out / being healthy; I try. It’s hard. Cookies are so much yummier than Fiber Simply Bars ( ps. Simply Bar people, I know you mean well – – but I’m not feeling it). I’ve been doing okay, I work out when I can … eat as best as I can, I just feel like it’s not enough. The plan of action is to join a gym– pretty soon. — Against the wishes of papa LTSL, brother LTSL, Mr. Fiancé & my darling angel. Buuutt … it’s happening. And they will probably yell at me … but I don’t think they get it – NO, I will not turn into a gym rat. I joked with Mr. Fiance, that he had two options … marry someone cute, fit and super sexy or honey boo – boos mom. He wasn’t impressed and I love honey boo boos mom. 1 word : schhhmexy.

4. Life’s general B/S – – family illness, friends in crappy situations, friends being crappy, me feeling crappy … in essence a whole lotta-crap. I want to either erase it all, make it all better or throw milkshake all over some people. Listen, stop focusing on this nonsense – – it’s all ( or at least most of it) drama drama drama. Save it.Pull yourself together, put on your power pumps and deal with life. Or hold your friends close, drink with them until your stupid and deal tomorrow …. Or, even better do all of the above; pumps.friends.drink. YEEESSS!!

5.Planning and engagement party; your family – my family – let’s make this happen. WHY AM I SUCH A CONTROL FREAK … why is your family so simple and mine SO STINKING COMPLEX … I love them – – to death, but holy moly MILKSHAKE people. It’s a get together – we’re not getting married. Come, listen, eat – – deal? I don’t care if your best friend’s sister’s uncle wants to come … I don’t know them.

FAMILY; that means I need to know who you are, where you live, your last name and how cool you are – – everyone else, let’s chat after. Also, there are still things to do for the actual day … printing a whole bunch of stuff, putting together bonbonnieres, finding a cute / appropriate outfit for Mama LTSL, and for brother LTSL , still gifts to buy and wrap – heeeelllllloooo t – two weeks. Cue freak out mode now!! … on a good note I finally insured, sized and cleaned my ring – wooo!!

6.Planning a wedding: BRING OUT THE COW … I’m milkshaking to the moon and back … twice. Who knew planning a wedding would be such a roller coaster?!? It’s fun, great, exciting, nerve-racking, sad and scary. All at the same time. My world is shaking – but I’m going to be with the man of my dreams.

Am I too young to be doing this? – Am I too old to have an elaborate wedding? – do I do what we want? – or do we try to please everyone else and then do what we want later down the line if we renew our vows? – When do I order my dress? – Antipasto, and appetizers or just one? Cake, or cupcakes? Mid night buffet; sweet? Savory? Some of each? None at all. Ma ma mia!!

I’ve looked forward to our wedding day ever since I could remember. I knew quite early on in our relationship that this was it for me, either this kid was going to marry me… or if we ever broke up, I’d become a nun ( for those that know me personally … we know I won’t but still) Growing up, I would see people do certain things for their special day, I would hear a particular song, see a stunning dress or two and knew one day … my day would be perfect. I would gracefully glide down the aisle, see the man of my dreams – there would be flowers everywhere – we would be surrounded by the people we love most. It would be a breeze, everyone would get along, we would agree on every detail. The meal would be delicious, and just the right amount of food. My cake would be equally beautiful and delicious. It would be easy-peasy.

WAKE UP WOMAN! There are three major things you wanted to do in your life – – graduate university, buy a place of your own and get married. Let’s do a bit of a fact check. Graduating university … was that easy? No! Did you run into bumps, causing you to kick, scream and fight to get towards that end goal? YES!Buying your condo, was that a walk in the park – – negative, if anything it was one of the hardest things you went through. SO WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS DELICIOUS DID YOU THINK YOUR WEDDING WOULD BE ANY DIFFERENT?!Get with it lady!!

Sometimes I just want to sit and cry about this wedding, not because I’m getting married but just the overwhelming emotions I’ve attached to every aspect. I can’t even begin to explain how thankful I am that Mr. Fiancé is not just patient and understanding … but he hasn’t thrown me off a cliff – – yet. I attach emotion to anything I care about and this is no different at all. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t dream so big for this particular day … I wish I could just be satisfied with a simple ceremony… a small dinner… and then we live happily ever after. Instead, I want a beautiful ceremony with flowers, people laughing –pretty chairs – a great speeches – amazing meal- stunning décor – the perfect date – happy bridal party – a great party – a beautiful toast – a memorable first dance – did I mention a freaking great party, all while keeping everyone satisfied and content … and then we live happily ever after– oh, did I mention I also don’t want to lose my mind?!

I know everything will be fine, and the day will be perfect – it’s just getting there. And reminding myself to relax. Relax and enjoy every single moment of it … Mr. Fiance will only be my fiancé for a year – – after that he will be Mr. LTSL; my husband – I his wife :).

7. Equally spending time with family/friends & Mr. Fiancé; This is important. Important to me, VERY important to me. But I need all three parts of my life to understand that even though I love them to death, and would run myself ragged trying to please them and see them … I can only be at one place at a time. And so shuffling between every facet has been fan-freaking-milkshaky. On a good note, when I do get to spend quality time with each of them it’s perfection.

8. Traveling … OH MY WORD; I totally went to Cuba and didn’t tell you good looking people. Great beach, great people … food – – mmm … yea, let’s focus on the beach!! Although, I since heard that we should have left the resort to each the best lobster of our lives … to be honest, we only ate resort food, so I suppose I can’t comment on the food. I’m also going to Trinidad soon … refer to #5. Did I mention that was in a totally different country?

On top of that, I’m starting back my masters in September, I want to start looking for a place for the Mr. and I to live post marriage and I’d like to sleep every now and again, be happy and still look cute ( side note: WELCOME FALL FASHION – – I.LOVE.YOU.).

High expectations of myself – of course. Do I feel like I have the world on my shoulders … sometimes. But I also know that I’m incredibly lucky and while I came here and MilkShak-ed around … the truth is, I really shouldn’t be complaining. But I am. And I’m over it. Except not really. But I will be soon.

So, what was the point of all of this rambling … to let you know I’m still here … I miss you … I miss my kitchen … I needed to get it all out on paper … and now I want a milkshake *yum*

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2 thoughts on “Milkshake.”

It’s okay to have moments like this. Shit happens, life happens. Just learn, grow, love and laugh though it all. You have a great family and a fantiastic man on your side of it all, don’t ever feel alone because you’re not :)