Day 105 of 365

I am strong, because throughout the years I survived many cases of abuse. It started when I was young, I went through domestic abuse with my father. Most of the time, He was drunk and he would physically hit or scream at me if I looked at him the wrong way as he was constantly angry.

I witnessed my mother become a victim also. My parents ended up getting a divorce and my mother and I moved to an apartment. Later down the road I found a man and I fell in love with him, I was deeply in love. It seemed okay at the start but then he became different. He would emotionally taunt me into insecurity, he would control and emotionally abuse me. One day I was raped by him, he acted ashamed. So I believed to think it must have been a misunderstanding. But what dawned on me that, laughing because we were playing around does give a yes impression when I am saying no, over and over while I try to push away the man.

I wanted to leave, but when I wanted to I was calling his mother begging to check on him because he was attempting suicide. So I stayed because my love was still strong and I felt as if I had to. I just became a cruel person after those experiences. People ask “why do you stay with them” and it’s because we feel trapped, they make us feel that no one else will love us but in reality, we are worth more than the abuser makes us to be. As time went by we got an apartment together, and it was the beginning of the end. He packed up and left Christmas Eve because I stood up for myself. I let him leave but then begged for him back.

It was a mistake to beg because you only feel helpless for a little moment, and then you realize how strong you are. After a month, I am independent. My family and friends say I am back to who I used to be, I am no longer trapped and I am happy. Memories will still be there but you have to remember you have a better life to live and you should make that effort to leave the unhealthy relationships.