Thursday, April 06, 2006

they say you can never go back. they're wrong.

in my heart i've lived in 2 places simultaneously for too long: in trinidad+tobago and with grims.originally i just resided in d.c. for university and still lived in trinbago (flew back @ least 4 times a year, never called d.c. home) but these days my loyalties are divided.residing in d.c. is still secondary- the point is that i not living full-time in trini because i live with grims- but although i love what we've done with our house and would stay in it if it were moved to trini, it's only home inasfar as me+grims define and share the space within these walls+roof- this isn't the full package: location-wise, we could be anywhere; it's either living in trini or it's not.and truth be told, i currently spend more time in d.c. than trini (the only thing i miss about university is cheap flights) but as far as i'm concerned only trinbago and grims are home (and the only thing i regret about marriage is that it's so much more expensive for 2 to travel but now it's not as much fun without grims).me+grims love to travel, but when i don't live in trini fulltime the only place i crave is home, so setting up homebase in trinbago sets me up to travel the world again instead of just wanting to rush back home every time i can afford to fly- maybe even temporarily reside somewhere new, whatever, once my house and husband are all based in trinbago instead of dividing my homes with d.c. residence and obligations. i need to simplify my life such that my only obligations are in trini, and when i'm elsewhere, it's travelling and experiencing.my 2 homes (heart+soil) will be united within the next 2years (and if not, grims will be single again when i ride out because i not staying for more than 1 more winter). i can't wait to set up our home in trinbago, although i fully intend for us to take advantage of my parents while we get our place organised...problem is, sweet trini's urban folk tales is ready to move right now and is getting impatient. there are things happening @ home that i feel unprepared to discuss because i'm not there enough for truly informed opinions, and nothing happening in the usa moves me to write about it the way i long to write about home. my world is going on without me and i have to keep trying to catch up.yes, some of my fiction is set in trinbago, but i need to be immersed in the reality of life there again, whether i'm working in fact or fiction. i feel not myself when i can't spend as much time as i need there to regenerate, which i haven't in too long. i feel not myself when the shit weather that passes for seasons here deprives me of the sunlight+heat that we living creatures need. i feel not myself when i spend too long surrounded by people who don't sound like me or share my frame of reference, requiring me to adjust even while i resist assimilation.they say you can never go back, but 1winter and 2years from now, they will be wrong.walk good.