so, i cook dinner last night - chicken, artichoke and garlic pasta from an america's test kitchen magazine. the recipe sounded good. we like chicken, artichokes, garlic and pasta. the combination seemed enticing. um, well, no. not even a little actually. very rarely do i eat something i've cooked and think wow, that's bad. but this time i did. it was too salty and it just wasn't good.

so, as i was having this revelation i glanced over at shawn. he was making a face. i asked him what he thought, what the face was about? he said it wasn't a good face and then he took another bite. it was clear that he too thought this meal was decidedly not good. i was not prepared for what came out of his mouth next. "it tastes like vomit." that's right, vomit. don't adjust your monitors, you read that right. he said vomit. he said my cooking tasted like vomit. in the wide range of descriptive words between not good and vomit, he chose vomit.

to eject the contents of the stomach through the mouth; regurgitate; throw up.

2.

to belch or spew with force or violence.

–verb (used with object)

3.

to eject from the stomach through the mouth; spew.

4.

to cast out or eject as if in vomiting; send out forcefully or violently: The volcano vomited flames and molten rock.

5.

to cause (a person) to vomit.

–noun

6.

the act of vomiting.

7.

the matter ejected in vomiting.

mind you, my dear husband has vomited probably 3 times in his life. so, i don't buy that he actually knows what vomit tastes like. i, however, am a puker. not proud of it but its a fact. i KNOW from puke. and what i was eating was not it. not good, yes. downright bad, yes. but vomit, no.

so, there are two issues here. my husband's poor choice of words and the recipe itself...

i did not deviate from the recipe but a smidge. i put a wee bit less lemon juice in it than it called for because master shawn does not particularly like lemon-y things. but that was the only change. so, wtf? like i said, an enticing combination of ingredients. almost no deviation from the recipe. and yet i produced a meal that my husband called vomit. i'm thinking this is not what america's test kitchen was going for with their mission statement "Our mission is simple: to develop the absolute best recipes for all of
your favorite foods. To do this, we test each recipe 30, 40, sometimes
as many as 70 times, until we arrive at the combination of ingredients,
technique, temperature, cooking time, and equipment that yields the
best, most-foolproof recipe {that tastes like vomit.}"

and now back to my husband as his choice of words... this will bite him on the ass for years (probably just weeks) to come. this morning he was eating a chocolate chip cookie with his coffee. he offered me a bite. i looked him in the eye and said, "no thanks. i made it. it might taste like vomit." i turned and walked away. vomit, really? come on now.

i'm having a rough morning. things are crazy at work. i'm stressed to my breaking point. so, while sitting on hold i decided to let my mind wander and take a blog break. i stumbled upon this. thanks clive, you're icy blue eyes have allowed me to chill.

and for all you clive lovers out there, there was also a really nice piece in the nyt about him.

this is ridiculous. seriously, i can be harsh. i was enormously disappointed with air when we saw them live. and i think i may have complained to everyone i know. i may have even blogged about it. but i also told everyone i know that daft punk was amazing.

so, imagine how i felt when i read that white stripes canceled their tour due to meg's anxiety. meg, girl, i am not that horrible seriously. and i'd love you no matter what. seriously. you and jack could decide to recreate the awful air show and i'd still think it was amazing - that's how much i love you.

i've had it for a couple of weeks now and i'm here to tell you - it has changed my life. i want to bring lunch everyday. honestly, this little canvas bag makes me so happy that i can't help but want to carry it everyday. so, i cheerfully pack my lunch every morning filling this sweet little bag with healthy treats. jimmy johns never even crosses my mind. seriously.

its been nuts. september came and went with barely a blink of the eye. work was crazier than ever this high holiday season. and then i caught a cold, which i'm currently getting over. i have barely felt human for the last month or so. i haven't been answering emails. i've barely been returning phone calls. i haven't actually seen gram in over a week - which is ridiculous. i've watched a ton of tv. and have made a bunch of stuff. i hope to begin my reintroduction into society this week. it seems fitting. october is my favorite month. everything just looks so pretty in october - before everything begins to look grey and bleak.

about shana

shana is a wearer of knee socks, lover of pie, horror movies and shiny things. she writes about horror and other things, makes pie and shiny things in portland, oregon, where she lives with her husband, shawn (aka shampton). she is the vintage jewelry and yoyo obsessed woman behind the cookoorikoo curtain. email me at cookoorikoo@gmail.com.