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Topic: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative (Read 33195 times)

Well, I said he would never come over...and I was wrong! My hands are still shaking that he had the brass ones to show up. First off, I can't believe he is behind the wheel of a car because there is no way he has a license due to an uncontrolled seizure disorder. he knocked on the door and I went off (calmly, no cussing) but told him in no uncertain terms that he was NOT welcome here and to quit calling and emailing me. He said "I'm sorry, but I wanted to let you know about your grand niece." I told him I wish the baby well, but as far as I am concerned, he was not sorry and when he hurt my child with his vicious rumors, and then did not even attempt to make it right but instead copped an attitude, he had made it easy to cut him out of our lives. He kept trying to stutter about the baby (i.e. what are you going to give me). I reiterated that the hurt he caused with vicious lies to an already vulnerable child was unforgivable and he was not going to get back in our lives. I then walked away (and went in the kitchen to compose myself I was shaking so bad). This incident is going to probably cause 2 people to cut me off (his only 2 supporters in the family) but I really don't care. My child is much more important.

I don't think this is over..it is a retreat to regroup. I will call the police if he shows back up. Another relative said "Let him come to my house, I won't be as nice as you were." I am afraid he is going to show up at my dad's hospital room and upset him.

Well, I said he would never come over...and I was wrong! My hands are still shaking that he had the brass ones to show up. First off, I can't believe he is behind the wheel of a car because there is no way he has a license due to an uncontrolled seizure disorder.

It might be worth contacting your state Department of Motor Vehicles, not even as revenge but as a public safety issue, and asking what to do if you believe someone is driving either without a license, or with a license he shouldn't have for medical reasons. Sure, he'll be angry if anything happens and he traces it to you, but he can't cut you off: you've already cut him off.

Logged

Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

This incident is going to probably cause 2 people to cut me off (his only 2 supporters in the family) but I really don't care. My child is much more important.

At this point, if either or both of them try to pressure you about him at all, no one would (or at least no one should) blame you if you cut them off (or even if they don't pressure you; you will probably avoid a great deal of bother, if not over this guy, then over something else)

Hugs *Inviteseller! I'm so sorry you and your daughter are having to go through this. I had similar experiences in my life when I cut my father out. I just kept saying over and over and over to all the family who tried to pressure me "it's not healthy for me to have him in my life. I'm not changing my mind, please stop asking me about it". Lather, rinse, repeat. And I also DRASTICALLY reduced contact with those family members as well. The calls, the letters, the e-mails - ignored them all.

YOU know what's best for you and your family and you have EVERY RIGHT to protect yourself and your DAUGHTER. You come first, you have to do what's right for you. Block him, call the police, don't answer the door, whatever it takes.

In my case, the rest of my family finally saw and experienced themselves all the same things I had and their badgering turned to sympathy because they finally saw the same things.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I recommend you keep your phone to hand and call the police as soon as you realise it's him. Begin giving them a description of him (what he's wearing, haircut, car if you can see it, etc). Shut the door in his face and tell the police you are afraid of what he might do next (because you are, and understandably so!). Consider looking into whether his behaviour constitutes stalking/harassment.

In short, do whatever you need to to keep yourself safe, and to hell with the feelings of other members of the family who are too stupid to do the same.

Thank you everyone for all the hugs! I am trying to keep my sense of humor but this past week has been horrible..the school incident, my dad, who is not doing well at all, both my DD's are very upset over my dad's illness and it is causing older DD anxiety issues and younger DD chest pains and crying jags, I am being stalked by Mr Cut Off (yes I told him tonight to quit calling, emailing, and never come to my house again) we found out we had been grossly mislead on my former husbands cause of death (he died in February). the 2 kittens I am fostering will not wean from their mom or eat kitten food and are not gaining weight correctly, and my hockey team is getting shellacked in the playoffs. If I can get through this next week - both my girls birthdays are next week- without any major incidents, I will be happy!

And my sister already took care of the hospital. I was too shocked to get the license plate when he was here tonight, but if I see him again, I will get it.

Call them now. The faster you start the paperwork. the faster you can get quit of him for good, either because he'll listen to the police when they tell him to stop bothering you or when he's in a jail cell. Call them and report the harassment, and while you're at it report the driving. You don't need a plate number to report him, nor an address, because you know his name and can easily corroborate any ID they make since you know what he looks like. It's well past time to get the authorities involved, and frankly I'd have cut off anyone who persisted in trying to force reconciliation a long time ago. I know you truly love them, but the email is just one more indication that their love for you doesn't seem to extend into respect, and unless you act on that to show them that you really mean business they're going to continue offering this person vectors into your life. You owe your DDs better than that.

Call them now. The faster you start the paperwork. the faster you can get quit of him for good, either because he'll listen to the police when they tell him to stop bothering you or when he's in a jail cell. Call them and report the harassment, and while you're at it report the driving. You don't need a plate number to report him, nor an address, because you know his name and can easily corroborate any ID they make since you know what he looks like. It's well past time to get the authorities involved, and frankly I'd have cut off anyone who persisted in trying to force reconciliation a long time ago. I know you truly love them, but the email is just one more indication that their love for you doesn't seem to extend into respect, and unless you act on that to show them that you really mean business they're going to continue offering this person vectors into your life. You owe your DDs better than that.