In which I find that community mental health isn’t worth the paper it takes to write its name on.

She’s been out of hospital for 3 months. Was doing quite well up until 2 weeks ago. Then it started to slide. She saw her gp last week and told her that she wanted to be admitted because the only thing keeping her alive was the fact that she didn’t want to be dead. She’d lost everything else. Cannot get her admitted. Doesn’t meet the medical criteria. So she stopped eating pretty much everything and what is going in stands a good chance of being purged.

And this is where I’m tearing myself apart right now. I know why the mental hospitals shut down and I know that mental health care in the community is a very good option because mostly people with mental health disorders just need support and an eye (and medication etc) but there’s the grey patch between being well with a mental health disorder and being unwell with a mental health disorder and unless the public is at risk, or you’re medically compromised, all of the other things on the EDOS plan aren’t acted on.

Her community mental health worker (remember mental health worker) told me, she’s not cognitively impaired yet, so she’s choosing to not eat. Well DUH! That’s part of what and eating disorder is and no she isn’t choosing to not eat, the alien inside her is winning the fight and telling her she doesn’t need the food. So welcome to mental health where they watch the wheels come off the bus with great interest but do nothing until the wheels are bouncing down the canyon and the bus is careening over the precipice.

On top of that, she’s reached the nasty stage. The stage where she goes for the throat with her words. I love that I’m supposed to be able to deal with this. I can’t. I have no power and nothing I can say has any impact.

She’s back at the GP tomorrow. Blood test and quite likely weighed. I’m so tired right now that I’m seriously hoping one of those is bad enough to get her admitted. I’m so tired I can feel waves of exhaustion rippling over me through the day.