stay at home mom and being judged

Hi was wondering if anyone else has experienced problems with being judged as a stay at home mom? My mother in law hates it, we make enough money for me to stay at home an my husband works one job in the marines but I keep getting poo for it anyone else? Any advice?

Hi was wondering if anyone else has experienced problems with being judged as a stay at home mom? My mother in law hates it, we make enough money for me to stay at home an my husband works one job in the marines but I keep getting poo for it anyone else? Any advice?

I've had a couple of people say things like that, but honestly I don't care. I love being a full-time wife and mom and so does my husband. Anyone else can take their opinions elsewhere. I don't let anyone make me feel like I'm inferior or that I am not contributing, because I know I am. I would have your husband tell his mother that y'all are happy with your life and she needs to respect that.

I've had a couple of people say things like that, but honestly I don't care. I love being a full-time wife and mom and so does my husband. Anyone else can take their opinions elsewhere. I don't let anyone make me feel like I'm inferior or that I am not contributing, because I know I am. I would have your husband tell his mother that y'all are happy with your life and she needs to respect that.

Regardless of what decision you make some on will not agree with it. Some people just are not able to go beyond themselves and their own needs and wants. Lots of people think being a SAHM is the best because it's what they do or want while others say working is the best. Having patience is all you can do int she long run hopefully she will see the benefits of your choice.

Regardless of what decision you make some on will not agree with it. Some people just are not able to go beyond themselves and their own needs and wants. Lots of people think being a SAHM is the best because it's what they do or want while others say working is the best. Having patience is all you can do int she long run hopefully she will see the benefits of your choice.

Thank you its just such a pain an my husband has told her but she insists otherwise and idk it's so annoying that and us having out 3rd baby she told me after I told her I pregnant she said oh really I thought you got fixed... Never a congrats

Thank you its just such a pain an my husband has told her but she insists otherwise and idk it's so annoying that and us having out 3rd baby she told me after I told her I pregnant she said oh really I thought you got fixed... Never a congrats

I have found that I get judged most by people who could never handle being a sahm. I have found that many of these women aren't capable of spending lots o time with their kids. I try not to let being judged bother me, but it can be hard.

I have found that I get judged most by people who could never handle being a sahm. I have found that many of these women aren't capable of spending lots o time with their kids. I try not to let being judged bother me, but it can be hard.

My husband and I were originally planing to live over seas for only two years. When we found out I was pregnant we extend our stay for five years total. Being over seas we make enough money that we can afford for me to stay home with the little one.

I have found that either people think you are either extremely lucky or just being lazy by being at stay a home mom. For the people that think I am lucky I tend to agree, but i also tell them it is not with out sacrifice. (i.e. Husband gone for weeks/ months at a time, living 17+ hours away from home, etc) For the people that think I am lazy I offer them to switch for a day. I tell them they can wake for the early am feedings, the blowouts that happened afterwards and the answering to a bosses yelling, but the boss cannot tell you what is wrong.

Though I have to say the biggest critic is my self. That maybe the nay sayers are right. I am LAZY, I am (fill in the blank). I believe those voices can be the loudest and most hurtful. At that point all I can do is answer the following questions....

Am I doing the best thing for my daughter?

Are we doing the right the for our family?

Is my daughter happy, healthy and loved?

If all the answers to the questions are "yes" then that is all i can do and hold onto. I not saying that it isn't hard or there will not be doubt, but the best thing you can do is ask your self the questions that matter and if you are satisfied with the answers, then just hold on and know you are being true to your self.

My husband and I were originally planing to live over seas for only two years. When we found out I was pregnant we extend our stay for five years total. Being over seas we make enough money that we can afford for me to stay home with the little one.

I have found that either people think you are either extremely lucky or just being lazy by being at stay a home mom. For the people that think I am lucky I tend to agree, but i also tell them it is not with out sacrifice. (i.e. Husband gone for weeks/ months at a time, living 17+ hours away from home, etc) For the people that think I am lazy I offer them to switch for a day. I tell them they can wake for the early am feedings, the blowouts that happened afterwards and the answering to a bosses yelling, but the boss cannot tell you what is wrong.

Though I have to say the biggest critic is my self. That maybe the nay sayers are right. I am LAZY, I am (fill in the blank). I believe those voices can be the loudest and most hurtful. At that point all I can do is answer the following questions....

Am I doing the best thing for my daughter?

Are we doing the right the for our family?

Is my daughter happy, healthy and loved?

If all the answers to the questions are "yes" then that is all i can do and hold onto. I not saying that it isn't hard or there will not be doubt, but the best thing you can do is ask your self the questions that matter and if you are satisfied with the answers, then just hold on and know you are being true to your self.

I always get the condescending response "oh, it must be nice", implying that it's somehow an easy job and I get to sit around all day. Um, no! It is a job! My husband works 14-18 hour days, so it's up to me to take care of everything- our son, our dogs, grocery shopping, paying bills, cleaning... so I understand how comments can set you over the edge at times. I wish some people could trade lives with us SAHM's and get a better appreciation for all that we do.

I always get the condescending response "oh, it must be nice", implying that it's somehow an easy job and I get to sit around all day. Um, no! It is a job! My husband works 14-18 hour days, so it's up to me to take care of everything- our son, our dogs, grocery shopping, paying bills, cleaning... so I understand how comments can set you over the edge at times. I wish some people could trade lives with us SAHM's and get a better appreciation for all that we do.

I get irked when people act like its some "luxury" to be able to stay home. Well, even when we had two incomes, we set up our financial commitments to only be dependent on my husbands salary. We bought a house below our means, dont travel like crazy, and don't have fancy cars. Whereas I have friends who make three times what we do who can't afford to stay home because they're in debt up to their ears.

I get irked when people act like its some "luxury" to be able to stay home. Well, even when we had two incomes, we set up our financial commitments to only be dependent on my husbands salary. We bought a house below our means, dont travel like crazy, and don't have fancy cars. Whereas I have friends who make three times what we do who can't afford to stay home because they're in debt up to their ears.

It is a luxury. I'm a stay-at-home-soon-to-be-mom while pregnant and finishing with my MBA degree. Since I've been laid off and can't find another job, especially bc I'm pregnant and showing, it's been very much so a luxury. I get to take care of the house on my own terms. SAHM have things to do, BUT you don't have to worry about being fired, being late to work, and best of all, i get to schedule my priorities as I see fit. If I dont get it all done on my to-do list, no one docks my pay. I'll just get it down the next day. I'm able to get a more healthy dinner on the table and on time instead of having to rush home from work in rush hour too. Even as I gear up to be a SAHM, I find it insulting you all are the only jobs that aren't appreciated and that career women are just jealous. All jobs are criticized in one way or another, but y'all definitely have some perks, as all jobs have a few. Maybe some of the SAHM are the defensive ones...? Ps I'm by no means a feminist, I'm very much the opposite. But a job is a job, and SAHM is like all the rest....just another job.

It is a luxury. I'm a stay-at-home-soon-to-be-mom while pregnant and finishing with my MBA degree. Since I've been laid off and can't find another job, especially bc I'm pregnant and showing, it's been very much so a luxury. I get to take care of the house on my own terms. SAHM have things to do, BUT you don't have to worry about being fired, being late to work, and best of all, i get to schedule my priorities as I see fit. If I dont get it all done on my to-do list, no one docks my pay. I'll just get it down the next day. I'm able to get a more healthy dinner on the table and on time instead of having to rush home from work in rush hour too. Even as I gear up to be a SAHM, I find it insulting you all are the only jobs that aren't appreciated and that career women are just jealous. All jobs are criticized in one way or another, but y'all definitely have some perks, as all jobs have a few. Maybe some of the SAHM are the defensive ones...? Ps I'm by no means a feminist, I'm very much the opposite. But a job is a job, and SAHM is like all the rest....just another job.

P.s.s: we get to pick our own dress code as well, don't have to fight human resources, take vacation whenever it best suits our family's schedule (no permission required) and pick our own holidays.... Therefore: it's a luxury! Especially In Today's world where it's so expensive for just 1person to live

P.s.s: we get to pick our own dress code as well, don't have to fight human resources, take vacation whenever it best suits our family's schedule (no permission required) and pick our own holidays.... Therefore: it's a luxury! Especially In Today's world where it's so expensive for just 1person to live

People will comment because 1) they are jealous or 2) they feel that they could never do it. I am guessing your mil HAD to work and resents that you can be home. My mil is still a housewife to this day and she only had 1 child (who is now 32) and my mom was a sahm when we were little (5 kids) then she put herself through school and became an RN. My husband wanted me to be a housewife before we got pregnant so I left my job in march and we are expecting our first in April next year. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or inferior because it is just the opposite.

People will comment because 1) they are jealous or 2) they feel that they could never do it. I am guessing your mil HAD to work and resents that you can be home. My mil is still a housewife to this day and she only had 1 child (who is now 32) and my mom was a sahm when we were little (5 kids) then she put herself through school and became an RN. My husband wanted me to be a housewife before we got pregnant so I left my job in march and we are expecting our first in April next year. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or inferior because it is just the opposite.

Bahahaha, funny expect. Things may look different when your childs arrives. I don't have the luxury to wear what I want. I used to dress fashionably in dry clean only clothes and 4 inch heels paid for with my income. That is no longer functional in my job as a sahm. I don't have the luxury of going willy nilly throughout my day with errands and cleaning. Babies and kids have schedules to be kept to. For the first 4 months of my dds life she screamed all day and all night with colic. I spent up to 16 hours a day in a pitch black bathroom, rocking her in my arms with the vent fan blowing because it was the only way she'd be calm and rest. You said that if you don't get everything done on your to do list, nobody docks your pay. Wrong. So many instances of planning to make a homemade birthday cake (ie) and a kid wakes up vomiting in the middle of the night so you spend all weekend caring for a sick kid and in the end you only have time to run to the grocery and buy a cake. You didn't get your job done, a $5 cake just turned into a $20 one, and your household income was just docked $15. Those awesome healthy homemade meals you are making? Start making them with only one hand. Hold a ten pound sack of flour on your hip and peel/cut a potato at the same time. And say you manage to get a great healthy homemade meal on the table. Now picture a two year old insisting that they won't eat anything that doesn't have a Disney princess photo on the container, so your choice is to stand your ground and send a toddler to bed hungry or to crack open a can of spaghettios with a princess on it just so she can have something in her belly. Vacation whenever you want? Many families sacrifice vacation money to stay home. And again, kids have schedules, and those schedules are your schedule. You can certainly be late for work, ask any parent of a potty training toddler who laid in bed an extra 15 minutes and finds her kid in bed playing with a turd. I agree with you saying it is a job, like any other job. There are some perks to it. And I don't fault you for not knowing this because you haven't begun to raise a child yet. What you are missing is that THE perk, the one thing, is being there with your child, to love them, teach them, and protect them. That's it. That's why we do it. That's the real perks of this job.

Bahahaha, funny expect. Things may look different when your childs arrives. I don't have the luxury to wear what I want. I used to dress fashionably in dry clean only clothes and 4 inch heels paid for with my income. That is no longer functional in my job as a sahm. I don't have the luxury of going willy nilly throughout my day with errands and cleaning. Babies and kids have schedules to be kept to. For the first 4 months of my dds life she screamed all day and all night with colic. I spent up to 16 hours a day in a pitch black bathroom, rocking her in my arms with the vent fan blowing because it was the only way she'd be calm and rest. You said that if you don't get everything done on your to do list, nobody docks your pay. Wrong. So many instances of planning to make a homemade birthday cake (ie) and a kid wakes up vomiting in the middle of the night so you spend all weekend caring for a sick kid and in the end you only have time to run to the grocery and buy a cake. You didn't get your job done, a $5 cake just turned into a $20 one, and your household income was just docked $15. Those awesome healthy homemade meals you are making? Start making them with only one hand. Hold a ten pound sack of flour on your hip and peel/cut a potato at the same time. And say you manage to get a great healthy homemade meal on the table. Now picture a two year old insisting that they won't eat anything that doesn't have a Disney princess photo on the container, so your choice is to stand your ground and send a toddler to bed hungry or to crack open a can of spaghettios with a princess on it just so she can have something in her belly. Vacation whenever you want? Many families sacrifice vacation money to stay home. And again, kids have schedules, and those schedules are your schedule. You can certainly be late for work, ask any parent of a potty training toddler who laid in bed an extra 15 minutes and finds her kid in bed playing with a turd. I agree with you saying it is a job, like any other job. There are some perks to it. And I don't fault you for not knowing this because you haven't begun to raise a child yet. What you are missing is that THE perk, the one thing, is being there with your child, to love them, teach them, and protect them. That's it. That's why we do it. That's the real perks of this job.

I agree, I think it's a luxury, too! It's definitely hard work and very tiring, but I would much rather spend all day doing something I LOVE and working for a cause that truly means something to me. Not everyone can be a SAHM, not everyone can afford it. So I do think it's a luxury :)

I agree, I think it's a luxury, too! It's definitely hard work and very tiring, but I would much rather spend all day doing something I LOVE and working for a cause that truly means something to me. Not everyone can be a SAHM, not everyone can afford it. So I do think it's a luxury :)

And to the OP, I stopped caring about what others thought of me years ago, and its very freeing. Make decisions that you feel are the best, consult with your spouse, and move on. Let the words go in one ear and out the other.

And to the OP, I stopped caring about what others thought of me years ago, and its very freeing. Make decisions that you feel are the best, consult with your spouse, and move on. Let the words go in one ear and out the other.

I agree with Familytree, Expect...staying home with a baby is very, very different than staying home while you're pregnant with a baby. (unless of course you already have one at home and are pregnant with another!) Some days I do indeed think it's a luxury, but then there are the super hard days when I just want to use the restroom alone or enjoy the luxury of driving in my car by myself listening to music very loudly. I never understood when moms said these things (even when I was pregnant) until I actually experienced it myself. There is a balance, but for now, I thank my lucky stars for the good and bad days at home I have to treasure with my daughter. Working moms and SAHMs both battle with judgements and precious time, one way or another! There are luxuries and short ends of the stick for both.

I agree with Familytree, Expect...staying home with a baby is very, very different than staying home while you're pregnant with a baby. (unless of course you already have one at home and are pregnant with another!) Some days I do indeed think it's a luxury, but then there are the super hard days when I just want to use the restroom alone or enjoy the luxury of driving in my car by myself listening to music very loudly. I never understood when moms said these things (even when I was pregnant) until I actually experienced it myself. There is a balance, but for now, I thank my lucky stars for the good and bad days at home I have to treasure with my daughter. Working moms and SAHMs both battle with judgements and precious time, one way or another! There are luxuries and short ends of the stick for both.

Expectinlex I love staying at home and I have things very good. But let me promise you that you have no clue what you are talking about! I promise their is a distinct difference now that I am 36 weeks pregnant with my third vs when I was pregnant with my first. Thanks for the laugh though.

Expectinlex I love staying at home and I have things very good. But let me promise you that you have no clue what you are talking about! I promise their is a distinct difference now that I am 36 weeks pregnant with my third vs when I was pregnant with my first. Thanks for the laugh though.

Ive been on both sides. How many if you that "laughed" at my opinion have been both a business owner and then also a SAHM? If you haven't been the breadwinner once and then a SAHM once, you take for granted the perks that come with what you do. Go ahead and complain about your luxury, it only makes me disappointed bc I see several hardworking women at the womens resource center where i voluteer struggling to make a dollar for their kid....working AND playing a SAHM kind of role at the same time. But go ahead and complain, while you put dinner on the table and still have time and energy to read your child a bedtime story. How selfish could y'all be wanting attention and feeling sympathy for yourself while people have it worst. Thats American women in American society though. Yes, our job is busy (not challenging but yes, busy) but so many other jobs out there are harder AND less rewarding.... Harder....AND....LESS rewarding.

Ive been on both sides. How many if you that "laughed" at my opinion have been both a business owner and then also a SAHM? If you haven't been the breadwinner once and then a SAHM once, you take for granted the perks that come with what you do. Go ahead and complain about your luxury, it only makes me disappointed bc I see several hardworking women at the womens resource center where i voluteer struggling to make a dollar for their kid....working AND playing a SAHM kind of role at the same time. But go ahead and complain, while you put dinner on the table and still have time and energy to read your child a bedtime story. How selfish could y'all be wanting attention and feeling sympathy for yourself while people have it worst. Thats American women in American society though. Yes, our job is busy (not challenging but yes, busy) but so many other jobs out there are harder AND less rewarding.... Harder....AND....LESS rewarding.

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