"He reaches down and grabs this box, slides the top and there was something in the box moving around. He reaches in and he pulls out this turtle. He reaches down, this turtle's snapping and he says, 'I'm going to show you toughness.' He unzips his pants and takes out whatever he takes out. The turtle reaches up and snaps at him. You see the veins and the sweat (on Hayes). He screams at the coaches, 'That's toughness! That's f'n toughness!'"

He reaches down, pokes the turtle right in the eye and it falls off. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and says, 'That's the problem. We don't have anybody in this room tough enough to do that right there.

"(One assistant) raises his hand and says, 'Coach, I'd do this. Just promise not to poke me in the eye.'"

Dubs, I have used your joke several times now since I saw it almost ten minutes ago. Normally I would feel bad for stealing your material, but Mencia made it okay for all of us. Plus I am razzing OSU fans, so I'm sure you won't mind. Props to you, my friend.

It is entirely possible as well that Hayes was fronting a theory on what should happen to the team who loses the Ohio State - Illinois game should they choose to use a live turtle for the Illibuck Trophy. In any case, if that's the "toughness" demonstration in Columbus, I don't know if I want to hear about "determination" or "drive" and the animals involved at this point.

I've got to get out of this state. Too many people worshiping cheaters and lunatics down here. Over the summer in Ohio there was a play being advertised touring big theatres called The Woody Hayes Story. The commercials said something like "an inspirational story about a leader of men." Thought about scouting it for a laugh for a nanosecond but then decided I've vomited enough this year.

I imagine after you've leaked all your negative recruiting rumors about rival coaches and then made all the requisite payments to your enrolled recruits; the need to censor your media commentary becomes less critical.

Im with you dude. People get trashed and act like an assholes at most company Christmas parties and keep their job.. Let your boss catch wind that you forced a reptile to give you a bloj and your blackballed.

He reaches down, pokes the turtle right in the eye and it falls off. He wipes the sweat off his forehead and says, 'That's the problem. We don't have anybody in this room tough enough to do that right there.

"(One assistant) raises his hand and says, 'Coach, I'd do this. Just promise not to poke me in the eye.'"

This might be one of the funniest comments in this thread. One part of me thinks that letting a turtle bite his penis is hilarious (think pioneer of Jackass) - I could see where that part would win the day if I was an Ohio fan. That said, you do know that its totally f-ed up, don't you?

Calculated move by Meyer. No one tells this story without knowing how it will be received. While pretending to tell an endearing story about the former coach, he is, in fact, attempting to lower Hayes reputation... thereby loweing the bar for himself to be considered the greatest coach in OSU history. Meyer is a manipulative premeditating liar. True story.