John Scott G

John Scott G, an admitted word nerd, writes books, plays, screenplays, and political commentary. Author of "Area Code 666," "Secret Sex," and "Ambient Deviant Speedmetal Polka," Mr. G also writes under the pseudonym Gerald Laurence. Every day he happily rubs a few phrases up against each other to create sparks in your brain. You're welcome.

G on Politics (OPINION): Research demonstrates that a conservative differs from a normal human being in a number of ways. Note: ‘Normal human being’ means someone with a soul and an I.Q. above 70. A conservative is a strange creature. As you can see by their actions in Congress and in state houses across the country.

G on Politics (OPINION): From its sinful foundation to its current crop of liars and bunko artists, here is the story of the pestilence called conservatism. Concise! Accurate! Easy-to-read!* (*Note: Language may be too advanced for Trump supporters.)

G on Politics (OPINION): Excessively coddled and carefully coifed, Ivanka Trump is not the 'orange whisperer' who will guide our fascist madman president away from errors. As Ivanka Trump plods robotically through her embarrassing public appearances, it is obvious that she is laboring under a ton of cosmetics and probably a Quaalude or two.

G on Politics (OPINION): Betsy DeVos has a deep and profound love of fairytales and she plans to slather that love all over the children of America. You often hear the phrase "conservative values" but what does that phrase mean? It is similar to phrases like "square circle" and "dry water" in that it is an oxymoron.

G on Politics (OPINION): When the conservative geniuses in the Trump misadministration released a one-page 'tax plan,' a cheer was heard from everyone whose job requires them to come up with detailed plans for things. A single page for the country's tax plan? One page? Seriously, only one page?!?! Wow, I didn't know you could get away with something as lazy as that.

G on Politics (OPINION): As America suffers the shame of an illegitimate president elected by racists, morons, greedwhores, and Russian agents, one ray of hope is that the USA is being managed by that revered political genius, Jared Corey Kushner.

G on Politics (OPINION): Presenting the revelations of a salacious, stunning, and completely fictitious investigation into the personal habits of conservatives in the Senate and the House. Data never dies. No matter what information appears in print, email, text message, audio, or video, there is a record of it somewhere.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): This bedtime story is a fable about the rise and fall of a modern-day tyrant named Ronald Dumpt. Once upon a time there was a country that tried an experiment called democracy. The country was called Usa (pronounced "OOsah") and it had a population of 320,000,000.

G on Politics (OPINION): Let us now turn our gaze to the man whose job brings him closest to a heart attack every day, the White House Secretary of Prevarication, Sean McSpice. Amidst all of the conservative attempts to destroy American values is the daily equivocation dance performed by shifty-eyed White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer.

G on Politics (OPINION): In which we examine the odious delusions, bigotry, and anti-American schemes of conservatards. Conservatives are apparently rotten to the marrow of their bones. How else to account for the hordes of uneducated, unwashed, unthinking goobers who flock to the Klan rallies held by Dummy Donny and his Rethuglican Party?

G on Politics (OPINION): As conservative congress-critters hide from their constituents to avoid answering tough questions about the GOP's anti-American policies, RWNJs of all shapes and sizes are spreading disinformation, deceits, deceptions, and outright lies.

G on Politics (Opinion/Satire): Inside a Mexican restaurant in one of the touristy parts of Los Angeles, our intrepid writer converses with the moral chaperone of Donald J. Trump. I sat down for an interview with the conscience of Donald J. Trump, our nation's first illegitimate president.

G on Politics (OPINION): Take heart, America: conservative attacks on democracy will not stand. A brighter future will arrive and we will demonstrate that conservatism's bigotry, plutocracy, and inhumanity are not what make this country great.

G on Politics (OPINION): Lots of people dream of having unlimited power but that requires a hatred of democracy. Take this test to see if you are ignorant and biased enough to try holding the reins of an embarrassed nation.

G on Politics (OPINION): Congratulations to Donald Trump, with an assist from Steve Bannon, for entering the Top 5 in the Conservatism Hall of Fame (which sane people know as the Conservatism Hall of Shame). There have been a great many moments in rightwing douchebaggery and here, listed in chronological order, are the current top five conservative flustercucks.

G on Politics (OPINION): What will it take for the sheep to see they've been shorn? How much damage to democracy will it require before people acknowledge the evil of Trump and the conservative movement?

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Police issued a warning yesterday about a mentally-impaired man running amok on the White House grounds. In addition to posing a danger to himself, there are reports that he may be armed with remote-controlled nuclear devices.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): And now, a parody of a recent screed in the New York Times that was scribbled out by a right-wing nut-job douchebag named David Brooks. This is a column directed at high school and college students. I'm going to try to convey to you how astoundingly similar the Republican Party felt when I was your age.

G on Politics (OPINION): Trump's cabinet choices include a bigot for attorney general but the foulness doesn't stop there. Mr. Bulging Neck's entire list of right-wing nut-jobs is scary and aromatic. Truly, the Clones of Dr. Trumpenstein are invading the U.S. government.

G on Politics (OPINION): Like every conservative, Trump uses words to fool the dim-witted. Here is a quick peek at the hidden meanings behind some of the Trump blather, bunk, baloney, hokum, hooey, and humbug. We have obviously fallen into The Outer Zone of Twilight Limits.

G on Politics (OPINION): We are proud to join the frivolity of Awards Season by recognizing a few of the more spectacular "fails" by some very well-known people and institutions. When it comes to the fine art of losing, here are some big winners.

G on Politics (OPINION): The fantasy of performing a comedy club set is something that appeals to a lot of us. So I stepped into the shower, used my back scrubber as a microphone, and tried out some new material.

G on Politics (OPINION): Having an aversion to facts appears to be a requirement for holding a management position in the Trump administration. Also an aversion to morality. Just who's in charge around here, anyway?

G on Politics (OPINION/Satire): What's with the Putin-loving people of the Trumpservative Party? "There is no connection between Donald Trump and Russia," said the Trump spokesperson emphatically. "None. Nada. Zip. Ziltch."

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Banners, billboards, placards, posters, buttons, and bumper stickers are part of political campaigns and protests. We talked with a sign printer to see what messages are popular with liberals and conservatives.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Conservatives deny that the rise of Trump demonstrates their racism, anti-Semitism, and misogyny. "At least half of that stuff is half made-up," says a (supposed) Trump spokesman. People in the Trump Conservative Coalition do not like the media. They sometimes appear friendly to broadcasters who are complimentary, but those who insist on asking pointed questions are detested bigly.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Fear grips the land as Conservatism takes control of the United States. A member of Team Trump seeks to reassure everyone that things will be fine, just fine. The recent election victories of Conservatives -- taking control of the White House, Senate, and House of Representatives -- have understandably frightened people in the USA and around the world.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): Racists and greedmongers keep getting elected thanks to the moron base of the Republican Party. What does this mean for normal, sane people? Here is a sneak peek at the GOP agenda for America.

G on Politics (OPINION): Many Americans seem unaware of the actual stakes in the 2016 election -- the Greedy Obstructionist Party is promising trade embargoes, Radical Christian Terrorism, increased war on women, and actual shooting wars. All in all, the ascendancy of Conservatism is a sharp and current threat to us all.

G on Politics (OPINION): A pestilence known as Conservatism has control of the Republican Party and it has its perfect candidate in Donald Trump. And while the GOP base prefers to be known as the Party of Stupid, their GOP leaders insist they are the Party of Greed. Sadly, they are both right.

G on Politics (OPINION): Evidence of disgusting Trump behavior surfaces every day and most of his supporters seem nonchalant about the data. Some go beyond ignorance by actually embracing Trump's racism, misogyny, and xenophobia. Like Conservatism itself, Trump and his backers are anti-American and anti-humanity.

G on Politics (OPINION): Based on recent events, it appears that the Conservative movement is an alternative reality that is fueled by greed and the need for multiple wives. In what universe is the loss of a billion dollars evidence of genius? Donald Trump is a scavenger.

G on Politics (OPINION): In a just world, here is how the moderator should have dealt with the anti-American campaign's VP candidate, Mike 'The Quiet Hun' Pence. Mike Pence revealed his cowardice at the vice presidential candidates debate by not coming out and admitting he loathes members of the LGBTQ community.

G on Politics (OPINION): Imagine what your life would be like if everything you said or wrote was dissected in public. Now imagine how much more outrageous it would be if people began using innuendoes, distortions, slurs, slams, and lies about you. All day. Every day. For years.

G on Politics (OPINION / Satire): A scientific test is being conducted to calculate the number of bigots, goons, oafs, fools, and fascists in the USA. The experiment takes place November 8. "There are nearly sixty-one million racists and morons in the United States." The speaker was Professor Ramon Estadística of the Institute of Records in Washington, D.C.

G on Politics (OPINION/SATIRE): There are many stressful ways to make a living -- haz-mat team, bomb disposal squad, food-taster for Ann Coulter -- but perhaps the most daunting job in the world is Trump Apologist.

G on Politics (OPINION: SATIRE) -- While drunk and stoned, a GOP operative spills the beans on some of the dank, dark secrets of members of the Treason Party. The title of this column has nothing to do with Linda Lovelace or the porn film that catapulted her to fame. Instead, it is a reference to Mark Felt, the high-ranking FBI official who provided crucial leads to Woodward and Bernstein.

G on Politics (OPINION): No matter how difficult your job, there are people who face bigger obstacles: like the Uncle Toms who betray their race in exchange for money and perks. Densmore Upton Davis is a man on a mission. His ambitious goal is the creation of a nationwide network of black republicans.

G on Politics (OPINION): There are RWNJ radio bloviators who called for the GOP to rewrite their convention rules in order to rid the party of The Donald -- but then suddenly jumped aboard the Trump trainwreck. What gives?

G on Politics (OPINION): An open letter to the leader of the political party that is becoming known as Goons Obstructing Progress. Dear Donald Trump: Thank you for putting so many things in perspective. Before you came along, it appeared that many people failed to acknowledge the pestilence known as Conservatism.

G on Politics (opinion/satire): Whether or not Donald Trump chickens out of debating Hillary Clinton, Americans are already judging the speeches, statements, and pronouncements of the sane candidate and the angry orange orangutan.

G on Politics (OPINION/satire): Donald Trump, current leader of the Know-Nothing Party, can be described in five words: extremely loud and dangerously gross. When he speaks, phrases are strung together in ways that sometimes resemble English sentences. But what is the actual meaning of his word-salad rants?

G on Politics (OPINION/satire): In an 'off the record' conversation, a drunken GOP advisor reveals the truth about how Trump represents the Conservative movement. "This is totally off the record," the GOP campaign operative said between shots of Don Q Single Barrel Rum. Although it came out more like "Thiz toally off the recor."

G on Politics (opinion/satire): All New! All Improved! All Original! That's how GOP officials are describing the content of Conservative statements and speeches. After the brouhaha over Melania Trump's plagiarizing of Michelle Obama's address to the 2008 Democratic convention, there has been more active scrutiny of all comments from Conservatives.

G on Politics (Opinion/Satire): Is it possible to get an unbiased opinion of the 2016 presidential race? Yes! We interviewed Klaatu, the character from "Day the Earth Stood Still." The term "hevaltaagu" roughly translates as "American political conservative" or, alternately, "stupid beyond belief."

G on Politics (opinion): Time for some pithy observations about the 2016 race for the U.S. presidency from a great scholar and lovely woman, political historian Alicia Sarah Hitler. (You didn't think we meant that other Hitler, did you?)

G on Politics (opinion): Conservative 'principles' are revealed when right-wingers endorse Donald Trump after condemning him as the worst thing since polio. Low-information voters in America are sometimes surprised when conservatives reveal that they have no morality....

G on Politics (opinion): In her public statements, Ivanka Trump says her deranged and bigoted father is actually a good guy who has elevated the political debate this year. She has not yet said if she also believes the earth is flat and the moon is made of green cheese.

G on Politics (opinion): Now that Donald Trump has emerged as the presumptive presidential nominee for the Republican Party, there are alarm bells going off inside anyone with a soul or an I.Q. above 80. There are so many things to fear.

G on Politics (opinion): There is nothing too vile for right-wing nut-jobs to say or do in attacking Hillary Clinton, as evidenced by their three-decade-long hissy fit against the former first lady, senator, and Secretary of State. Here are some points to counter the bat-crap crazies of the GOP.

G on Politics (opinion/satire): Alien life forms in unidentified flying objects swoop past earth from time to time, just checking things out. As one might expect of highly advanced beings, they are not pleased by what they see.

G on Politics (opinion): The race for the nomination of the Treason Party is heading toward a strange finish line called an 'open convention' or a 'contested convention.' Here is what will happen when irresistible farce (Trump) meets immovable idiot (Cruz).

G on Politics (opinion/satire): Bombshell revelations of sex and drugs! Oodles of behind-the-scenes rumor and innuendo! Here are the totally true but entirely fabricated diary entries from high-ranking or perhaps nonexistent members of the right-wing nut-job bigot brigade.

G on Politics (opinion/satire): Republican Party leaders are on the lookout for a so-called "unity candidate" for president. My friend Nate has selflessly offered himself for the job. I selflessly offered to interview him.

G on Politics (Opinion): Card-carrying members of the GOP are divided over the idea of backing Donald Trump for president. Some oppose him whole-heartedly. Others support him half-heartedly. Less, even. Eighth-heartedly. Sixteenth-heartedly. And for good reason.

G on Politics (opinion): The race for Student Body President of Hillmont Elementary School was contentious. Candidates hurled accusations at each other on a regular basis and every day brought new ugly rumors of vicious whisper-gossip campaign tactics.

G on Politics (opinion): Are Conservatives evil from nature or nurture? What turns a normal, decent human being into a Republican? While some people are born bad, the main problem comes from kids being raised in the oppressive atmosphere of a rightwing household.