American Idol Loser

I am a fairly good singer. I have great pitch, good rhythm and can carry a tune. But I can not for the life of me sing “happy birthday”. What the heck is wrong with that song? No one ever starts it at the correct key and it’s either sung way to high for me or way to low. I live in fear that someone will make me lead it for a birthday celebration, only to have the situation end with jaws open and wide eyes staring at my awkwardness. Also a good reason for me to never work as a waitress in a cheesy restaurant where birthday singing is a job requirement.