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Florida on riot alert as Zimmerman verdict looms

By Argus Hamilton

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

NFL owners vowed to increase their community outreach programs Friday. Maybe it will help. Last week, Bob Kraft invited a group of sixth-grade football players to New England’s mini-camp where they lectured the Patriots about the dangers of gang affiliation.

Broward County asked for calm after the George Zimmerman verdict. How can a riot not happen? The national media keeps hammering home the point that Trayvon Martin was black and George Zimmerman, who is seven-eighths red and one-eighth black, is white.

Florida police were on riot alert with a Zimmerman verdict looming Friday, recalling lessons from past riots. You learn that 3-D home entertainment isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. The moment you get everything set up, you realize you forgot to steal the glasses.

Miami cops braced for riots with the Zimmerman verdict looming Thursday. Society isn’t as split as in the past. During the last riot, TV cameras showed a white guy, a black guy and a Hispanic guy running down the street, and they were carrying a TV set together.

Mexico was rated the world’s fattest nation ahead of the U.S. in a study Tuesday. Food experts blame Mexico’s obesity on an invasion of American fast food restaurants. All in all, it’s a genius plan to make it more difficult for them to squeeze through the new fence.

Hostess Twinkies return Friday after a two year absence due to labor strife. It is just in time. Mexico just displaced the U.S. as the fattest nation, and the arrival of Twinkies is like Derek Jeter returning from the injured reserve list and leading us back to Number One.

Pakistan issued a report explaining Osama bin Laden’s ability to hide in Pakistan for a decade. It’s fascinating. It says local cops pulled him over once for speeding, so all this talk about Pakistan coddling Osama bin Laden is just a lot of Western propaganda.

The U.S. Senate considered a bill which could freeze student loan interest rates below market rates Tuesday. The college loan program is helping to inspire a new generation of Americans. Forty percent of college kids in a recent poll say they want to be loan sharks.

Rick Perry said Monday he won’t run for a fourth term as governor of Texas. His long tenure drew one question from Yankees. Are Texans so stupid that they keep electing this guy or are Texans so smart that they all have better things to do than run for governor?

NSA’s Ed Snowden learned Tuesday he’ll have to be smuggled into South America for asylum. He wishes now he’d hid out in Berlin’s airport. The Germans make great cars, they’re top-rate bankers and they can sneak you into South America with their eyes closed.