Just…Wait

My best friend is a 2nd grade teacher. Recently, we were talking about the concept of “wait time,” and how she is using it more and more in her teaching, especially in math. Wait time is simply giving kids ample time to think and respond. The whole concept is kids will often come up with the right answer, they just need a bit of time to think — to work things out for themselves.

Photo by the Squirrel Assistant

This of course got me thinking. Wait time. I often see parents rushing over to a piece of play equipment to give their kids a boost — when, if they had just waited a second, the child would have gotten there on their own. And felt successful for having done so. Of course, this immediate desire to jump in and help or do things for kids is motivated by concern and caring, but it still can act as a speed bump to learning and self-achievement. Kids are so much smarter and more resourceful than we think, we grown-ups just need to wait a bit — give them time to think, act, fail, and try a new approach.

In both play and education there should be room made for wait time. The benefits — self-reliance and self-confidence — far outweigh the bit of time it takes to foster them.

Sunday morning seems a perfect time to ponder this concept. Wait time. Where else do you think your life might benefit from a bit of it? Try it. Give yourself a minute to think before you respond or react. See what happens if you just wait a minute. I know I need to do this more.

Too many of us adults, in our interactions with children, seem to assume that they should conform themselves to our sense of time and pace. We’d benefit tremendously by allowing them, as often as we can, to pace us to their rhythms. Then that incredible dimension of childhood wonder might creep back into our frantic minds, and we could reconnect with something more important than what the tyranny of the clock might be barking at us.

I love the concept of wait time, and how you’ve taken a teacher’s important insight from the classroom and extended it out through the rest of life. Bravo! You made me realize that I, too, could well use some wait time in my own interactions with grownup people as well as kids!

Ah yes…wait time:) Bouncing off of what Tom says above, it is interesting to watch adults when you actually give them a moment to process their thoughts. An uncomfortable silence creeps in, but when they sense you are waiting to listen, really listen, the body languages shifts and they appear more empowered. The conversation then becomes much richer.

With children, the same thing happens. The respect that they feel they are receiving is evident…and the profound wisdom of children can then emerge.

When I was growing up, my mother had a very powerful phrase that she said all the time that helped me and my younger brother develop enormous skills in resiliency, coping, perseverance and delayed gratification…on a pretty regular basis, when we were nagging her for something, needing some kind of minor intervention, or just generally jumping up and down about some perceived extreme or “dire” circumstance, she used to say to us “JUST WAIT!!” She did not coming rushing in like a helicopter hovering over us, swooping down to rescue, fix, undo, or prevent anything…Way to go, Mom!

Thanks so much for taking the time to post about this important topic: shutting up and holding off are probably some of the most important skills in really effective teaching. Creating an honest atmosphere where folks feel free to think and then learning to be quiet and let people absorb changes everything.

Excellent, Bethe! Ava is only 16 months and she already knows the concept of waiting. When she’s cranky and wants something, I tell her, “Wait just a minute.” I think she knows what I mean because she stops her fussing. As an adult who is timid and nervous to try new things, I am making a very deliberate effort not to swoop in and fix things for her and help her with things just because she asks for “hep pees.” I like to tell her, “You can do it, try again.” More often than not, she’ll figure it out and beams when I give her kudos! I hope I’m raising a confident, explorative, curious little girl – and I hope to nurture parts of her that weren’t so much nurtured as smothered in me.

I have to say this is a post that hits home.
As a manager of my own business I battle this
reaction with my staff.
It is unlearning that I do.
A leaned method from parents who loved so much
they wanted to help & fix so much…hehehe
Great post thanks for sharing!
Taking in the wait time now with a cup of coffee!
V

“Wait time” sounds similar to the parenting style of “benign neglect,” which works very well with my daughter. I allow her to try new things and be a daredevil, even when I am a bit uncomfortable with what she is doing. Sometimes she scares the heck out of me with her climbing and jumping off things… she has no fear, and I hope she stays that way for as long as possible! You are right – kids are so much resourceful and smarter than we think.

Who is this best friend teacher of whom you speak:)? I can’t say enough about how effective wait time is in the classroom for the students and how difficult it is for me the teacher. Giving someone the dignity to figure it out on their own is a very wonderful gift. Wanting to be “helpful” means I trample right over them and take away their ideas and thoughts. Thanks for the great post and reminding me to shut my yapper and just wait!

Way to go, Bethe! I am constantly saying this to newer moms (being a very seasoned mom, myself). I feel like I’m giving unsolicited advice sometimes, but I can’t help it. Especially on the playground I see people running to kid’s rescue so quickly. I know they’re trying to help – but LET them help themselves! They are so proud, just as you said.

Lori threw me with “benign neglect”. My initial reaction was completely negative! How silly after having just read this post. So… :wait time:
Of course I completely got it after pondering it for a few seconds. *insert burning cheeks here*

We very much do try to use something like this with our boys. Sometimes it would be so much easier to just do it for them, but where would that get them? Sadly I think it would turn my bright, resourceful, creative little men into the type of children that expect everything to be done for them. Right now!!

I am in complete agreement that adults need to institute this for themselves, as well. We need to stop the rushing. My wait time is “Just let me think for a moment, please.”

I like this idea very much. Patience is not always one of my virtues, and a lot of times it is just easier to do it myself rather than wait for it to be done. One of the things my niece and nephews taught me when they were younger was the power of giving them the time to do things. The pride on their faces when they accomplished a task made the waiting worth it.

Bethe, I love this concept of “wait time.” As a mom of a busy 5 year old, we practice this daily. And as a psychotherapist who works with children with developmental differences I have seen the power of waiting. And, oh, the joy and self-confidence when a child is allowed the time and space to achieve on their own time! It’s like seeing a child grow right before your eyes!