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Seinfeld Quotes

Kramer: THE BEACH!!! (enters the apartment) You smell like the beach. What's the name of that perfume you're wearing?Tia: It's Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.Kramer: CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. They, they stole my idea. Y'see I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the beach.Jerry: I know look at this (shows an ad from CK)Kramer: (shocked) Whooo! That's you! What is going on here? The gyp, he laughs at me then he steals my idea. I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. They're not going to get away with this. (leaves)

George: Hey! How come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it.Elaine: You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? All right here. (rubs George's head on her breasts) Here's your Christmas card.

George: Two weeks ago I tried a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now I'm dunking a piece of toast in there and I'm loving it.Susan: I'm not a soft boiled egg.George: And I am not a piece of toast.

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George: I like sports. I could do something in sports.Jerry: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. In what capacity?George: You know, like the general manager of a baseball team or something.Jerry: Yeah. Well, that - that could be tough to get.George: Well, it doesn't even have to be the general manager. Maybe I could be like, an announcer. Like a colour man. You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game.Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.George: What about that?Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and people that are, you know, in broadcasting.George: Well, that's really not fair.Jerry: I know. Well, okay. Okay. What else do you like?George: Movies. I like to watch movies.Jerry: Yeah. Yeah.George: Do they pay people to watch movies?Jerry: Projectionists.George: That's true.Jerry: But you gotta know how to work the projector.George: Right.Jerry: And it's probably a union thing.George: (scoffs) Those unions. (sighs) Okay. Sports, movies what about a talk show host?Jerry: Talk show host. That's good.George: I think I'd be good at that. I talk to people all the time. Someone even told me once they thought I'd be a good talk show host.Jerry: Really?George: Yeah. A couple of people. I don't get that, though. Where do you start?Jerry: Well, that's where it gets tricky.George: You can't just walk into a building and say "I wanna be a talk show host".Jerry: I wouldn't think so.George: It's all politics.Jerry: All right, okay. Sports, movies, talk show host. What else?George: This could have been a huge mistake.Jerry: Well, it doesn't sound like you completely thought this through.