Coping with a break up or ending any type of relationship is painful. At some point, everyone is going to be on the receiving end of a bad breakup. Sometimes we know it needs to happen, but fight it for as long as we can, hoping that things will get better and they never do. Maybe everyone else around saw it coming, but as they say, love is blind. No matter how much either side tries to soften the blow, a flood of feelings will follow. Let’s take a look at some of these emotions and see if we can figure out how best to deal with breakup survival.

Denial

One of the first emotions to hit is denial. The love of your life just told you it’s over and the news is too much to be believed. You may have thought the relationship was going along smoothly, but somewhere along the lines, you missed the signs and signals your partner gave you. Sometimes we overlook small things or think a certain situation was just a fluke. In reality, we should trust our gut instincts that something is wrong. We refuse to believe what is in front of our eyes.

Anger

Many times we think we have a right to be angry with our partner for breaking up the relationship. We look to place the blame anywhere else but on ourselves. It’s true that in some cases we have every right to be angry, but most of the time if we look where the anger is stemming from, it’s stemming from ourselves.

We’re angry because we failed to see it coming or we failed to listen to our family and friends when they told us to take off the rose-colored glasses. Coping with a break up often means facing some cold, hard truths, whether we’re ready to face them or not.

Fear

Sometimes when coping with a break up we are overwhelmed by our own emotions and it scares us. Other times, the fear stems from the notion that we will never find another love like the one we just lost. We’re afraid of abandonment or frightened of being alone forever.

The Blame Game – With a Side Order of Guilt

Self-blame happens easily as we begin to search for where we went wrong. We start to go over every inch of the relationship, dwelling on all the “what ifs” and “if onlys” until we convince ourselves that we should have done something differently. After a breakup, we have to stop those dusty old tapes from playing in our heads. They won’t help us in anyway, other than to help us go crazy.

Along with blaming ourselves comes guilt, especially if we’ve managed to convince ourselves we were the ones to blame for the failed relationship. At other times the guilt comes from being the one to call off the relationship. It’s hard to tell someone a relationship isn’t working and that you would be better off apart, but sometimes it’s necessary. If you don’t feel guilty, you probably never really loved your partner to begin with.

Sorrow

No matter what type of relationship is lost, we will feel sadness. When we lose someone dear and familiar to us, of course it hurts, but it’s only temporary. It is important to mourn the loss, but not let it take over your life.

Hope

What would this world be without hope? After the breakup, we might retain some hope that we will have the opportunity to reconcile with our partner or that this person might come back to us. Again, if we allow time to do its job, our thoughts will turn from hoping for the relationship to return, to hope for the future. We have to be open if we eventually want to meet someone else who will be better for us.

Relief

Sometimes when a bad relationship ends, it can feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You may start to breathe easier about not having to fight with someone everyday or come home to a house filled with hostility. This can be a nice reward after the long journey of coping with a break up.

I Have Emotions, But How Do I Cope?

Recognizing these emotions and allowing yourself to have them is the first step in coping with a break up. Every relationship happens for a reason. With each one, you learn something more about yourself and the world around you. There is no such thing as wasted time. You may not understand why it all happened the way it did and it might take several years before you finally put it all together, but your relationship was important and you have every right to mourn its loss.

It’s alright to wallow in self-pity after the breakup, but don’t get mired in the mud. Get back out and connect with the people and things you enjoyed the most. If you had set a group of friends aside to focus on your relationship, perhaps it is time to make a call and apologize to them. If they are real friends, they will come back into your life.

So often, especially with women, we do things we wouldn’t normally do simply for the sake of pleasing our partner and keeping him interested in us. We set aside friends, hobbies and other activities that we enjoyed before.

Coping with a break up means taking time to reconnect with yourself, too. Until you are on your own again, you might not realize how much of yourself you lost. Take time to heal and get over the breakup. You don’t want to dive into another relationship on the rebound. Doing that is like running away. You’re not solving the problem, your putting a mask over it and hoping it goes away. Understand that another person is not what makes you who you are. Another person in your life should add to what you have and enrich it, not define you as a person.

If you feel it is all too much for you to handle, don’t be afraid to seek out professional help or a support group to get you through coping with a break up. Should you find you’re having serious difficulty functioning and getting through your day, you could be headed for a condition more complicated than the usual break up blues. Talking to a professional or other people who have recently experienced a breakup might enable you to work through some issues and get back on track.

Remember, dealing with a breakup is not the end of the world; it’s a part of life. Time is still the best medicine for coping with a break up. Each day that goes by will ease the pain a little more. After a while, you’ll be able to remember the good times you had and even laugh about them without feeling the hurt you felt when you and your partner went your separate ways. No matter what, don’t give up. The odds are in your favor, and if you keep trying, eventually you will find that one person who will help you to feel happy again.

Are You Over Your Ex?

It's been months since you and your ex parted ways, and you've been navigating the road to recovery ever since. Has that road been surprisingly smooth or unbearably bumpy? Find out if you're really ready to move on to new adventures in love and life or if you're still hung up on your ex with this quiz.