homesickness; yearning; wistfulness

I say a little prayer for you

You are a devout Christian. Your convictions aren’t something you just shrug off, like some people do. They actually mean something to you. Maybe you even, say, run a Christian blog that you occasionally (ahem) update.

Now imagine that you die, and your family holds a funeral calling on Zeus and the Greek pantheon to receive you into the afterlife. “This is our most deeply held belief,” they say. “It’s important to us. What possible harm could it cause?”

You’re dead, so what do you care, right?

On one level, yeah, that’s true. But on another, shouldn’t your family honor your memory by respecting your most deeply held beliefs rather than making it about their own? Wouldn’t you rather that your family didn’t brush off what was important to you?

Imagine that you’re in a horrible car accident, and people start writing posts and comments on your Facebook page (not their own), asking people to pray to Allah to heal you. Assuming these people are more than aware of your own firm convictions, how would that make you feel, Christian?

Look, we know that you do these things out of love. We know that you believe in prayer (and since you do, please add to your list the 7-year-old kids being raped and killed in Sudan right now) and that you want to do everything in your power and your deity’s power to make us better.

If you want to pray for us, by all means, pray for us. In private. With your close, trusted prayer group. Gathered with our family and friends.

But please don’t issue public requests for prayer or hold religious services at a funeral, etc. unless you talk to your loved ones and find out how that would make them feel. Some atheists wouldn’t care. Some would be very much against it.

It’s important for our families to know these things. If you’re an atheist reading this, and you’re among the fortunate ones with a family that would actually respect your wishes on things like this, please talk to them.

Some people disown atheists entirely – even from their own families. They obviously aren’t the ones I’m addressing here. I’m talking to the believers who love and respect their nonbelieving friends and relatives. I’m simply asking you to be aware of how something might make them feel.

If you aren’t sure, ask. Do you know how loved and respected and valued that would make us feel? For once, not to have the vast majority of our community assume that certain things are okay, but to care about our feelings?

For the record, I respectfully request that my family and friends never issue public prayer requests on my behalf. That’s how I feel. It’s up to you to respect it.

Edit: This post was inspired by circumstances involving a friend who is currently in ICU. This friend would take it as a compliment to be called a “militant atheist.” He not only doesn’t believe; he passionately and actively denounces religion every chance he gets. He couldn’t possibly have a close friend or relative who doesn’t know this. His Facebook timeline is filled with prayer requests. If you love me, respect me. Is that a lot to ask? For most atheists in America, it actually is a lot to ask.