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So what the fu*k happened? When did we start replacing experience with convenience? What trails and tribulations are we going to tell our kids about how our loved flourished over everything? Who will stand and give the “I remember when” wedding reception speech? What drunken heartfelt “these two been through it all together” speech will be heartfelt? Does anyone give a sh*t about the wedding reception speech?

One day we all want to fall in love and get married, only a fool will tell you otherwise. Marriage is stereotyped as a means to an end of our freedom and our “fu*k everything” independent lifestyle. Most avoid it like the plague, but truthfully we all want it.

The problem with our relationships today is we don’t see the bigger picture, we want it to be way to easy. We over react, create a paranoia and sabotage our own relationship. Words of good intention get lost in translation, it’s much easier and far less stressful to just say fu*k it and move on, but in the scheme of the bigger picture is that the best decision?

We can build a life with someone, have it not work and move onto another person whom we easily make it work with, but are we really happy that way? (See Love & Life Pt. 9 Viva Las Vegas Edition II “Goin’ For Broke…” http://bit.ly/H8XHA2)

Shouldn’t the problems in your relationship make you stronger? Shouldn’t the problems make it worth fighting for? Wouldn’t all that make a beautiful wedding reception speech?

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So are you happy? Does “HIM” really do everything better than your Ex? Really?..Really!? -People Fed Up With The “HIM” References.

Amazingly a woman can break up with her real life boo and have a “HIM” minutes later, but to make it more believable women should build the relationship, you can’t be committed Monday, argue Tuesday, breakup Wednesday & suddenly have a “HIM” Thursday. We understand, you wanna prove to your Ex that his spot has been filled but only a idiotic male gives in to this beautiful depiction of “HIM.”

Ask her where “HIM” works, ask her how long she’s known “HIM,” then ask yourself if competing with a fictional character is really worth it? There is a big difference between having a “him” and keeping it secret vs. Having a “HIM” who actually isn’t a secret but rather non-existent. Delusional women will say they’re trying to be low but in the same sentence promote their “HIM.” If you wanna ‘Jay & Beyonce’ your relationship cool, but don’t be all on social networks telling us what you and “HIM” is doing then try to keep “HIM” a secret. “HIM” is only real as much as you promo “HIM,” the more you refer to “HIM” the less likely he is actually real and/or how happy you really are about it.

Women will one day realize that creating a new boo to make your old boo jealous will only leave them aggy in the end. Men don’t bow out fast we just realize fighting against “HIM” we can’t win. Everything “HIM” does is perfect because he is a perfectly built lie in a beautiful imagination (see Night Of The Living “HIM” III http://bit.ly/HL5o3F ).

Men stand no chance going up against a force designed to win. “HIM” is only created to make you angry so how can you win against that? That’s like bringing a picture of a knife to a gun fight.

Soon women will come to terms with the idea that if you want someone, be with them. Jealousy is actually counter-productive in getting your man to do as you please, he’d rather take his chances with hoping you realize you love him than compete.

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Aside

“…we don’t ever go out…I mean yea sometime we go out but damn what u call it and her boo go out ALL the time…” -Anonymous Women Fooled By The “HIM” Revolution

The idea of faking a boo to make others jealous or to create the illusion that you’re out on the town doing something when your actually home doing nothing seemed like a good idea right? The pioneer of the “HIM” movement set out with good intentions of letting others know she has somebody who does whatever, whenever and however she wants. “HIM” is on call at all times, he always has money, never works and strangely he’s never tired. On the surface the idea and creation of “HIM” seemed harmless but what most women don’t know is, “HIM” has set the bar to unmatchable expectations, he has made it impossible to be a good boyfriend to women who stupidly believe in this urban myth of “HIM.”

Women in real relationships are strangely jealous of her friend and “HIM,” never mind the logic reasoning of why their homegirl is using “HIM,” all she cares about is the two of them always being out. Men feel the pressure; how can you compete with a ‘make-believe’ person? The pretend existence of “HIM” puts a strain on real couples. You’re tired? You have to work tomorrow? You have to help your grandmother do what!? She doesn’t care, she does not want to hear it and she’s not impressed. Why? Because her friend’s “HIM” is always on deck, he always puts her first and if he can make time to do everything so should you. Right?

In general, what most women will never understand is people put out what they want others to know. The secret competitive world of females is a constant battle to see whose love life is more exciting. “HIM” can and will always outdo a real life boo because “HIM” is rich yet never works, he has no real life responsibilities and he does everything right, every time, all the time. Men in real relationships are put under the microscope for not being as good as “HIM.”

The problem with “HIM” is once created he has to keep up appearances in the creators life. Right? Some men believe women use the word “HIM” rather than a name, because “HIM” can be substituted with any dudes name. Women who use “HIM” may be perceived as being a hoe by most men, the assumption is that the names change so much she creates “HIM” to avoid the hoe title. So are you REALLY sure you want to be laying in bed with “HIM”?

Between fairy tale competition and fighting a battle impossible to win against “HIM,” the nonsense has to stop. If you’re lonely and/or delusional do it on your own time. “HIM” has served its purpose, many people are now on to what “HIM” stands for, so drinks with “HIM” is no longer impressive, it’s actually hurting another relationship.

Aside

The secret competitive world of relationships; often stated, never seen and possibly never real. The ideal creation and/or reason to have a “HIM” is to outdo, outshine and seemingly out sexy the ‘opposed’ competition. Many females are so competitive towards friends, self appointed haters and ladies in real relationships that they feel the need to toss the “HIM” grenade at all possibly times. ‘Drinks with “HIM” later…’ is the most updated occurrence in our now delusional social networking world.

The creation of “HIM” is often to taunt an ex-lover, seek attention from who you really want, kill your competition and/or avoid the reality of your loneliness.

Dream it into reality and speak it into existence, but the problem with “HIM” is a unreal expectation of what you’d normally get and/or experience. Whether females are aware of it, males pay attention, the attention most females seem to get from “HIM” is far greater than what we’re willing to give. A male will often think to himself ‘If this “HIM” has time to work, take care of responsibilities and still be out drinking, electric sliding and entertaining every night how can I compete with that?’

Most women have unknowingly set their self up for failure with the creation of this “HIM” because no man will ever feel the need to compete with it.

“HIM” relationships offer nothing but upset for a female. The creation of “HIM” is actually causing more harm rather than solving a problem. Females in real relationships don’t feel the need to call their boo a “HIM” because they’ve invested too much time into that person to hide it. If they feel the need to not share information on who their man is, they will saying NOTHING.

Claiming to call your new boo “HIM” out of wanting to keep your business private is a contradiction within itself. Rather than calling your secret “HIM” to avoid nosey people, wouldn’t it make more sense to say nothing?

The idea of keeping your business to yourself does not mean give it a AKA of “HIM” that’s doing more damage than the actual name of who he really is. The love interest who’s attention your really seeking has paid attention to your “HIM” claims and may feel inferior for not being able to make you as happy as “HIM” does.

Be careful, because that relationship you created to draw attention may be the reason your still single, lonely and getting NO attention.

By K.E.L.L.s

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Webster’s dictionary defines “him” as male and/or in reference to a male, but the beautiful (ahem…and sometime lonely) women of the cyber world have turned “HIM” into a person they’re in a “relationship” with. Social networking powered by delusion; gave birth to “HIM.”

The power to update a status of what you’re doing or will be doing with “HIM” has destroyed some female’s brain cells because most times a reference to being with this “HIM” is made up.

Most females are in a secret competition with one another, where the game is to show others how poppin’ her and “HIM” is. Females feel the need to out do each other with the affection of their boo and/or the amount of things they do together. If a female is out, she loves to tell others, mainly other females, what her and her man is doing. The problem is, most females don’t have a boo to be the real “him” so the logical explanation is to create one, therefore controlling “HIM.”

With a created “HIM” you will never have problems and you two can be doing whatever you want, when you want, while in reality your home under the covers with a scarf on.

Females in ‘real’ relationships give “him” a name, why? Because females in real relationships are always with that “HIM,” there is not need to give your ‘real’ boo the “HIM” title.

The difference between keeping your relationship to yourself vs. being with “HIM” is, if you’re ‘in a relationship’ that you want to keep yourself you say NOTHING, no reference to ‘him’ at all. Females in “HIM” relationships will tell you every single thing ‘him’ and her do, they give ‘him’ more airtime than a real previous boo because they control what she and this fictional person do together.

“HIM” is possibly the best lover ever created, he only exists in ‘happy’ times. He doesn’t talk back nor does he ever curve you to do other things. “HIM” usually exists only on the weekends or when others are not around.

Beware of people who promote “HIM” as they’re boo they’re capable of telling you anything to seem popping.

You can’t love someone without hating them a little bit. They say being in love is a temporary madness. When your in love nothing else matters, it’s almost like being in a dream, time just stands still. Once you wake up from that dream you have to make a decision, either keep dreaming or stay awake. But is “love” the idea of never being able to be apart or is that what “being in love” is?

Love actually isn’t spending every moment together, it’s not falling asleep and waking up smiling at one another, it’s not even day dreaming about kissing that person, love isn’t the thought of living together forever. It’s not excitement or happiness, laughing or crying, all of those things are just what being in love is, which like many other things we can convince our self we are.

“Love” is the after affect of “being in love,” it’s the memories we have once being in love has burned away. Many people don’t truly understand what love is or what it means to love someone. None of us will ever be a perfect definition of what love is and chasing it will only result into you convincing yourself time after time that your actually in love. Any of us can be in love but only few actually find love.

Being in love is the strong feelings you have for something we like a lot. Its very immature and careless to say, “hey I like you a lot” so we substitute that strong liking to being in love. The excitement of being in love is what drives love.

“Being in love” can fade away but “love” always remains.

To Be Continued.

By K.E.L.L.s

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If you were to eat an apple you wouldn’t mistake it for an orange, nor would you mistake that orange for a grape. Somehow there are several different types of fruit, yet we don’t compare any of them to each other. They come in all shapes and colors, exist in different parts of the world, requiring different things to grow; however, they are all still fruit. Just like fruit, no two men or women are alike; even if you were to find two who are similar, they will not be identical.

The simplest thing can make a major difference. How can we compare two people if they aren’t alike? Should a female who has no kids, no job, but is sexy as hell be compared to a female with a child, good job & her own place? When looking for love should we compare potential lovers to anyone? Does your ex matter if you’re with your next? They say, “It ain’t tricking if you got it,” but what if the dude that’s tricking has no real responsibilities and/or priorities? Should he be compared to a dude with real world bills and consequences of not being responsible?

Fabolous says, “If you’re with the right man you don’t have to price scan,” but do you honestly believe Fab would say that if he wasn’t a rapper? If he had an annual income vs. a rappers’ potential income would he think or believe this? We all get caught up in the facade of another person and the lifestyle they’re either living or portraying. To party in the present is fun, but the future is more promising than today. Can someone be a baller and shot caller if he/she has nothing on the horizon or way of bettering his/her next move: is he/she really a shot caller?

The comparison of two people is almost a definitive act of who you are. No two human beings are alike in the world. We all have different problems and concerns, means of income, and ways in which that income is spent. Two guys making the same annual salary at the same job with the same hours can still live two drastically different lifestyles. We are all masters of our own destiny, so when you find yourself comparing your ex to your next think about what really matters and what’s an intangible facade.

You may eat a grapefruit and it may strangely resemble an orange, but the core and things that make up the taste are completely different.

Choose your fruit wisely, we may all be called men and they may all be called women but no two are exactly alike. Believe That.

By K.E.L.L.s

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Ever try to knock over a soda machine? Yes? No? OK go & try. To tip a coke machine you have to sway it, it’ll rock back & fourth a few times before it falls to the ground and when it falls your back will hurt; the spill will be nasty & not worth the work put into pushing it over. Relationships are similar to knocking over a soda machine, just like being in love, getting over it, knocking it down or leaving that relationship won’t be easy. You’ll break up several times before either realizes this is where I belong or I have to knock this sh*t over.

The pursuit of love is not easy, miscommunication can cause delusions of your love or feelings for that person leading you to question the others motives. Does he/she really wanna end it by knocking us down or is he/she just trying wake me up to realize this is where I belong? Sadly we all want things to be black and white or right and wrong, but love does not operate that way. Love is the only emotion where right or wrong does not, or should not exist and if it does you better not utter the words “I’m right, you’re wrong.”

Do we ever really wanna break up; do we really want that machine to fall? Keep pushing anything & it will drop. Light pushes will alert a person of true love, heavy forceful pushes will wake the person up & have them make a decision, but pushing it completely to the ground might end up in results you may not truly want.

Push with caution.

By K.E.L.L.s

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“Hey baby, I tweeted you today. Did you get my text? I called you and left a voicemail, you didn’t get it? I called you at 8 why didn’t you call me back ‘til 10? I see u read my BBM, but no response? Did my e-mail go thru? Who? What? When? Where? And HOW!?”

–The Current State Of Our Relationships

Love is difficult; it’s perhaps the hardest, yet simplest thing to deal with in life. Technology has made it easier to contact your boo to find out how he or she is doing, but at the same time it has ruined love and/or the trust associated with it. It’s very hard to understand why your lover isn’t instantly responding to your messages, especially since we have several ways to communicate. Right?

We live in a world of instant gratification; unfortunately this has altered what we expect in our love lives. We can Google anything at anytime and get an answer instantly, we want our mate to be just as accessible. The thought of them not responding immediately is a major problem in some relationships. We often question a missed or “delayed” communication response because of the convenience of technology and its instant gratification that we’ve grown accustomed to.

Perhaps we grow tired of one another easier because of the over access we have to each other. It doesn’t matter how interesting a person is, constant contact all day may dim the light of interest.

The over-access of communication is a gift and a curse. Many of us cannot deal with the fact that our lover has another life outside of the one you’ve built together. Healthy relationships require a healthy amount of space. In any relationship “me” time is needed.

If you call, text, email, and/or BBM your boo & he or she doesn’t respond immediately do not call/text/email/BBM again asking why there was no response. About 40 years ago a couple of geniuses invented something called CALLER ID, which shows us who called, when they called and how many times they called. Now we have text/email/BBM, which until it is checked will be shown as a new message. Don’t stress yourself with the gift and the curse of being over-connected; you may never know why he or she isn’t replying back instantly. The reason may be valid, most times bullsh*t, but either way, don’t over-access your relationship then question its very existence.

Stay connected.

By K.E.L.L.s

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I Guess I Should’ve Known, By The Way U Parked Ya Car
Sideways That It Wouldn’t Last…
See You’re The Kind Of Person, Who Believes In Making Our Once Love Em & Leave Em Fast. -Prince “Little Red Corvette”

Is it possible to love a promiscuous lover or someone who in the past had a “loose” lifestyle? Do people ever change? Or is the old saying “can’t turn a hoe into a housewife” true? What really matters, the fact that we had lovers in the past or the number of lovers we had? Should it matter? And if so, how can we ever learn to love or be in a relationship? Virgins no longer exist, so aren’t we all “loose?”

People can and do change given the right circumstances. An insecure person cannot be in a committed relationship with a person of a “sexually free” background, or someone who used to live a wild life; the simple thought of him/her “sexually sweating” with another person would destroy their brain! To have the image of someone in between his/her lovers legs would simply drive them crazy. At some point in time your current was with another, so why devote brainpower to thinking about it?

Does asking him/her about their past solve any age-old mystery? Does it make you feel better? How does this particular questioning of the past benefit your current relationship? I understand we all want to learn about the person and what his/her past lovers were like, but asking or caring about sexual escapades solves nothing. Knowing whether they are disease free and healthy should be the only thing of concern. Love the one your with and don’t worry about who he/she has been with.