Top 10 Tuesday: Tom's Favorite Videogame Weapons

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If it bleeds, I can kill it.

By Tom McNamara

Welcome to IGN's weekly countdown of the exceptional, fascinating and absurd...something we like to call Top 10 Tuesday. Every week we'll feature the top ten games, characters, fashion statements or whatever else we can think of that in some way relates to gaming and its history. And just because it's called Top 10 Tuesday doesn't mean it's always going to be a list of the best -- we like to razz on stuff just the same as we praise it. From counting down the best consoles ever to revealing the worst use of fish heads in a videogame, this is where it's at.

Today's Top 10 celebrates gruesome violence and juicy death. Just like any red-blooded American, we enjoy guns and like using them to make things explode. Videogaming has allowed us to enjoy this passion in a cooperative way, by teaming up with others to make things explode.

To get the most bang for your buck, today I offer up a handy list of my favorite weapons of ass destruction from all videogamedom. Look for them at your local gun show, and tell them The Crimson Fury sent you.

This is what Tom would look like if you were aiming a BFG at his head.

10) The BFG // Doom

I came across this fine piece of equipment on my first foray to Mars, where I bagged a few demons and zombies before I had to rescue some Space Marine from the clutches of Cthulhu's brother-in-law. I also saved humanity, which has been a recurring theme in my work. The BFG, or "Big F------ Gun," as it's called, utilizes an extremely intriguing targeting mechanism that allows one to kill absolutely everything in sight, although it does consume enough energy to power Disneyland for a week.

9) Farsight XR 20 // Perfect Dark

I won this in a game of Mah Jong in Tibet some years ago, and I must say it's allowed me to bring down some enormous beasts in the most entertaining way. Why, it was just last week in Manila when I saved a young maiden from a roving band of wild dogs. They literally never saw me coming. I won a laptop as well, but I could never get the thing to work right.

8) RazorJack // Unreal

An elegant hunting weapon, although it must be wielded with some finesse to avoid decapitating oneself. When faced with a band of hooligans and people who drive slow in the fast lane, keep in mind that the RazorJack is capable of eliminating multiple targets with a minimum of ammunition usage -- arms can also lopped off, and the blades can be angled for those hard-to-reach places.

In my world, a decent supply of ammunition is a chronic pain my backside. Thank Zeus there are weapons out there with near-mystical powers of perpetuation. However, this item does not operate like a traditional projectile rifle. This weapon operates by pulling your target rapidly toward you, at which point you fling it joyously into the air. I understand I have an upgraded version, and the previous model could only spit electrical bolts. I have no idea how someone can be expected to save the world with that.

A warrior friend of mine bestowed these upon me when I saved his life. He said he'd found some shiny new sword anyway and couldn't be bothered with this blade-on-a-chain business. Well I can tell you that these are the most fun I had since I laid waste to a den of tyrannosaurs on The Forgotten Island. Excellent range, excellent versatility, and they cut clean through a tomato in one go. My wife loves them.

An Italian colleague turned me on to this beauty, which I used to great effect as an intimidation tool against the drug cartel that... well, I'm sure you read about it in the paper. Unlike a grenade launcher or mortar, a bazooka is shoulder-fired and fires straight and true to its target. And for its size, it packs enough punch to send dozens of cutpurses and layabouts flying to meet their Maker on an express train to the Pearly Gates. Mind your backwash, though. Nasty business.

4) Shrink Ray // Duke Nukem 3D

This amazing tool allows you to miniaturize your target and squash it under your boot like a dung beetle. Additionally, you can attach a mirror to the end and shrink yourself, which can be handy when you need to escape a gypsy curse. There is also another model called The Expander that has the reverse function, although it leaves a bit of a mess when your target explodes. I tried to obtain that one from my original seller, but he said he had to make a "sequel." I haven't heard from him in some time.

This weapon is also not lethal by itself. Rather, it's used as a luring tool, and it's capable of drawing even the most mild-mannered of foe. An upgrade from the Chippunk, the Howler Punk is equipped with a public address system, allowing it to snag more targets at a wider radius. The Punk, when not busy drawing brigands and rogues into your pungee stick traps, is also an adorable little companion during those long hikes through the Sahara.

2) Lightsaber // nearly any Star Wars game

I found this curious and effective tool at a science fiction convention some years ago. An elderly gentleman in a drab robe sold it to me, and he told me some rubbish about a force and that I was the chosen one. I thought he was talking about the sale in some odd dialect, then I realized I was getting anointed yet again as savior of the world. Although I must admit the Sith getup is quite fetching. Too bad lightning bolts come shooting out your fingers if you go that route. Awful mess at the post office.

1) Light Disc // Discs of Tron, Tron 2.0

As I'm sure you all have by now, I got trapped in a virtual computer world and had to save civilization some years ago, but at least I came away with a nice weapon, instead of another saucy wench who wanted to me be the king of some vast empire full of riches and adventure. In order to obtain it, however, I had to run through the most tedious of gauntlets involving jumping from platform to platform over an infinite abyss while one rapscallion after another tried to make me fall off the edge. No respect.