Raising grandchildren topic of support group

ERIE — Barbara Benes didn't know she was like millions of other American grandparents.

DANA MASSING

ERIE — Barbara Benes didn't know she was like millions of other American grandparents.

"I always felt alone," said the resident of Erie County, in the northwestern corner of Pennsylvania about 110 miles north of Pittsburgh.

But now Benes has other grandmas to talk to, share with and learn from.

She's part of a new Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group offered by the Sisters of Mercy in Erie. The group meets the second and fourth Mondays of each month.

"We've needed it for years," Benes said.

She and her husband have been raising a granddaughter for six years. They aren't alone.

Census 2000 found that 2.4 million U.S. grandparents not only lived with grandchildren younger than 18, but also had primary responsibility for their care, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.

Facilitator Karen Narusewicz said it was a good fit for the Sisters of Mercy, an international organization established by Roman Catholic nuns.

"They are always trying to stay up with the times and to help women and children," she said. "But we're not excluding men from coming."

Grandfathers are welcome.

Narusewicz created a survey to determine the needs of grandparents raising grandchildren. She wants to schedule speakers on topics that are relevant to grandparents, such as legal issues of guardianship or technology issues like Facebook.

Grandparents today said the world's a different place than when they were raising their children, especially when it comes to discipline, video games, cable television and the Internet.

These experienced moms also said their lives changed when grandchildren came to stay.

"You have to plan where you're going to go, what you're going to do," said Jerri Allen, who has to be home twice each weekday when the school bus arrives.

She has helped with 10 grandchildren and now has a 4-year-old grandson five days a week. She recently got recruited to be room parent for his preschool.

Although raising a grandchild means work, it also brings rewards, Allen and Benes said.

"I was the one who got to see him walk for the first time and hear his first word," Allen said about her grandson.

Benes said the support group is a place where grandparents can share proud moments, but also talk about how moms and dads sometimes get upset when their children bond more with grandma and grandpa.

The women said their talk isn't all serious, but is confidential.

Narusewicz said group participants have varied backgrounds but manage to connect.

"They have different experiences," she said, "but there's similar feelings they can relate to one another."