A University of Central Florida student, out on bond after turning himself in for changing his Electronics grade from an F to a B, has recently been offered a position as head of a new campus security task force. The offer comes from a newly established offshoot of the UCF Police Department and has led to raised eyebrows among students and faculty alike.

The police report claims he broke into the Mathematical Sciences Building and logged into the University grading system with phony credentials to alter his failing grade. Rumor is he would have gotten away with it, too — if it wasn’t for a confirmation email sent to the professor and those meddling security cameras.

The organization in question, Knights Watching Nights, is a volunteer branch of the UCF Police Department set to hit the campus streets this fall. The group, which plans to employ mainly students on probation for committing small-time campus crimes, hopes to up after-dark security on campus in an effort to prevent incidents like this one.

“UCF is a large school, it’s that simple,” Chief Barry said when questioned about the new organization and pending job offer. Our thought is that the convicts — sorry, students — that we employ will be able to use their own valuable experience to help inform our officers of any odd behavior going on around campus.”

“We’ve been thinking of rolling out this program for years; with all of the car break-ins and underage drinking, it just makes sense to have more eyes on the ground. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say this was the the last kick in the pants we needed. (Allegedly) breaking into the Mathematical Sciences Building while an active police force is on campus just doesn’t add up — we need to multiply our efforts and limit these offenses while we still can.”

When asked about the integrity of hiring a suspected campus criminal, Barry had this to say: “Honestly it’s a win-win for us. We need someone with experience who’s also cheap. This guy (allegedly) pulled this whole thing off which proves he’s got chops. If he isn’t convicted, then the offer stands and we get the inside scoop on campus crime. If he is, I smell some volunteer hours in his future…” Barry ended the interview with an unnerving wink and nudge.

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