Tuesday, 21 April 2009

IT'S SPAM TIME AGAIN!!

You thought I had ran out of spam after last time??? Oh no . . . plenty more coming atcha, whether you like it or not! (And you'd BETTER like it so that SOMETHING good comes out of me receiving so damn much of it!)

Now several months into me first paying attention to spam, I am DEFINITELY noticing some recurring themes in the spam I receive.

We have ones about watches, first of all. Which were the strangest ones, as far as I was concerned. Things like:

A golden watch is a real turn on for woman

or

Hurry to choose your elegant watch for almost free(I couldn't help but wonder what cost is to these spammers "almost free")

or

"At any place of the world you will know the right time."(Providing you remember about the time difference and change the time on the watch dependent on where you are, presumably).

The second type of spam I receive nearly as much are relating to weight loss. Lots about those acai berries, for example. I must have been offered several hundred punnets full of them so far. Or there is this one . . .

You will get lots of compliments on your waistline.

The day I'm told I have a "nice waistline", I will be pretty damn surprised. Because it would be an odd compliment indeed. And if a LOT of people told me this, I would be convinced it was a conspiracy!

But of course, the most recurring pieces of spam do relate to sex in some form or another. The ones that try to rhyme are always amusing for example.

Your chick will be impressed when she sees you undressed.

You can become so proud as you become well-endowed.

Ah, yes. I can see the bumper stickers now . . .

Or some jingles on TV perhaps???

But the best ones of all are those that just come out with it, stick it right in your face and wave it around. Let me present the best of the worst . . .

Have the greatest manhood in your close neighbourhood(shall we have a comparing session to find out? Maybe combine it with a barbeque? Just make sure we don't get the sausages confused with other things, hahahahaha . . .)

Your bed is too cold because no one wants to sleep with your small defect(now, that's just a low blow really . . . )

Your tool will be well designed like from Dolce & Gabbana(what's it wearing? a little black dress? a well cut suit? well, either way, I hope its made of rubber . . . )

Hoist your lover sexual event(Is this going to take place at the barbeque too???)

You can wear your swimming trunks like a crown (Isn't that the sort of thing FIVE year olds do??? I mean, I know when I was five I used to wear my potty like a hat. I'm presuming it's NOT the same thing though . . .)

But I think this one has to be my favourite this time around. I'm not even going to comment on it. I'm just going to put it out there . . .