FBI Holds ‘Trapper Awards’ Ceremony For Drug Dealers

A slew of high-level drug dealers and entertainers are considering a class action lawsuit against the FBI after being forcibly detained and forced to participate in the Trapper Awards, a “one of a kind celebration of black contributions to white supremacy,” as an anonymous FBI source says.

Drug dealers throughout the country were arrested in mass, leading many to believe a historic drug raid was underway, but nobody in the group was charged.

Instead, they were all flown to an undisclosed location to begrudgingly participate in the ceremony, which was streamed on the FBI.gov website.

Don Imus was the MC of the event, controversially starting it off with “yes I’m still alive, and you’re all still nappy.”

The audience booed until they were threatened with “obstruction of federal operation” charges, which were used throughout the night to make the dealers comply and even acknowledge their own drug trafficking.

FBI representative Ahn Foenem told the group that they should be proud, as “you are the drug dealers we decided not to arrest because your destruction of your communities has been so efficient throughout the years.”

Foenem also noted that, “they say we should clean the drugs up out of inner-city communities. But if we arrested every single drug dealer, that’d be like prohibiting meat — all you’d be left with was an abundance of s**tty cow manure and pig slop. Gotta take the trash out somehow, thanks guys.”

Hughes noted, “I don’t know nothin’ they talkin’ about…but I gotta say I did nothin’ better than a lot of n*ggas through the years.”

Atlanta resident Demetrius Sapp, aka Head, vehemently rejected the “Up and Coming Poison” award for his alleged high-level opiate and cocaine operation throughout the state of Georgia.

While forcibly accepting the award, Sapp repeatedly stated “I ain’t dealin’ nothin,” before an IG video of him saying “I’m dealin’ everything” was played on the theater’s big screen, garnering much laughter and derision from the older dealers in the audience.

The “Smartest Dealer” category caused much controversy after the winner denied drug dealing and passed it onto another nominee — and the process continued five times until the final nominee accused the previous nominees of “snitching,” which almost prompted a fight until Foenem got onstage and noted, “we have all of you under 24/7 surveillance, ‘snitching’ is a fallacy. You think we can have secret agents in North Korea but not know how you buy Bentleys with no tax records?”

A poignant moment of the night came for the “People’s Choice” award, delivered to rapper Future. He went onstage and eloquently stated that he was “an artist who deserves the license to depict fiction,” when Foenem rolled out multiple people in hospital beds. They were all under 30, and all self-admitted “diehard fans” of the artist.

One 25-year-old male admitted he was suffering from multiple organ failure from opioid abuse, and said that no matter what Future said about not doing drugs himself, the music “felt real enough.”