The Impersonals

A humor 'zine from Twitter's funniest writers

You’ve heard people joke that all the big Tweeters work on Family Guy. And I can tell you that there are a lot of funny people in that building (especially if you include American Dad and Cleveland in that swooping generalization. The Holiday Party every year is like a freaking Twitter red carpet.) But, one of the funniest Fox Animation people is flying completely under the radar. Charles Song is an Associate Producer on Family Guy. I don’t know what Associate Producers do but in Charles Song’s case, they come up with hilarious tweets all day. @CS70 has been one of my favorite people on Twitter for a long time. I feel like he’s my secret. Let me get all Twitter hipster on you guys for a sec, OK? Have you heard of @CS70? Because I have! And, he rocks.

@CS70’s tweets are always self-deprecating and sarcastic without being depressing. He constantly makes fun of people without seeming like a dick. I don’t know how he does it but he nails it. When I first started following him, he was on a Korean Batman kick, which pretty much sealed it for me. For example: “No one ever says, “Don’t quit your night job.” Which is great, because I’m Korean Batman.” Ha! I love Korean Batman!

Plus, you guys, Charles Song is nice. He’s smart and funny and he’ll bring the best food to your party. I’m going to adopt him or make him marry my sister or something!

Anyway, here are three of my favorite @CS70 tweets:

I asked @CS70 10 questions. After telling me over and over again that he didn’t think he was funny enough to be interviewed, he gave me 10 funny answers. The first 5 questions were the same ones everyone gets (See my girl @kramediggles Twitterview from last week), and the last 5 were just for him. Check check check it!

1. What 2 things would you grab from your house during a fire?

I actually have experience with this when Griffith Park went up in flames a few years back. I was shockingly prepared to blow out of town. But now that I have a dog I probably have to include him as my first choice, even though he has like four legs. A painting from my grandfather would be the second thing. So I guess this means goodbye, Apple PowerBook with incriminating browser history.

2. If I forced you at gunpoint to karaoke with me, what would we sing?

Duh, “Stay” by Lisa Loeb and Nine Stories. Classic panty dropper. But realistically: “Love Shack” by the B-52s. It’s a m/f duet and, like Fred Schneider, I can’t sing. I’m also pretty sure you can pull off “Tin roof. Rusted.”

3. What Twitter person (who you haven’t met yet) would you most like to have dinner with?

Not a very creative choice, but probably @KellyOxford and her family. At Knott’s Scary Farm. That part is important. She seems like someone I could work with for eight years in adjoining cubicles. Going to an A’s game with @kdn13 would also be lovely. Added bonus: she’s a lawyer, so we can discuss my legal troubles during pitching changes.

4. What would you kick someone out of bed for?

Unceremoniously unfollowing me. I prefer snarky @ replies so I don’t accidentally fave one of their tweets after the fact. This happened. It was awful.

5. Which fictional character do you most identify with?

I wrote an essay during my freshman year of high school where I said Nick Carraway from “The Great Gatsby”. Tobey McGuire would be an excellent choice to play me.

6. Who would win in a fight: Iron Man or Korean Batman? How did you come up with Korean Batman?

This is a sore subject. Korean Batman has to hear all about how great Iron Man is from his parents when he visits for Christmas. He’s an engineer. He’s a billionaire. He’s unmistakably heterosexual. Meanwhile, Korean Batman can barely afford the mortgage on his Batcave (condo in Glendale).

I’m not really sure how I came up with Korean Batman. A few people really like the tweets, but I always lose a bunch of followers. I blame racism and Obama.

7. You always tweet about tacos and burritos so, I’ve decided you’re an expert. Which would you choose if you could only eat one FOREVER? Also, where are the best tacos in L.A.? Best burritos? (That was a lot of questions in one question. Sorry, I got excited).

I would go with burritos. But the burritos would have to be from the SF Bay Area. I know, snobby. The tacos in LA are better, though, and I have a theory why. In LA, you have taco stands that occasionally make burritos. In SF you have burrito stands that occasionally make tacos. I do believe I just blew your mind. It’s like Malcolm Gladwell’s book, “Outliers”, where he said it takes 10,000 hours of devotion to your craft in order to master it. This is some deep shit here.

As for tacos, I really like the ones at this street stand near where I live. It’s in front of La Reyna’s on 7th Street. Right across from Tony’s. They’re only $1 each and they make their own chorizo! For fancy tacos, I like Guisado’s Tacos in Boyle Heights. For fish tacos: Ricky’s Fish Tacos in Los Feliz/Silver Lake. It was better when it was just Ricky in front of that cell phone store frying and dressing each taco for you, but they’re still the best.

I’m still looking for my dream burrito in LA. I’m open to suggestions, but I’m pretty judgy.

8. You have to go to a strip bar with one of the following. Who do you choose? Why? Louis C.K., Larry David or Aziz Ansari.

Aziz Ansari. He’s the only one who looks like he knows how to have fun in that kind of mutually humiliating environment. I don’t need any additional angst while I’m getting my lap dance on.

9. One of the things I heart about you is that you adopted an adorable mutt from an animal shelter like me! If Bruno could talk, what would he say is your best quality? Worst?

Best quality: I have no social life so I’m always around. Worst: I always insist on being big spoon.

10. We have really similar taste in music. What band\ would you get back together if you had the power? (Make it good, Charles. Make it good.)

The Smiths. But an ‘80s time machine would have to be involved. I want skinny Moz swinging around bunches of flowers. That’s the one band I regret never seeing live. I thought I could catch them the next time they were in town, but they never came back. They never came back…

I am 100% craving tacos now. And boysenberry soda from Knott’s Berry Farm. GREAT. Just great Charles Song! I’m also in complete agreement about The Smiths getting back together. Especially the skinny Moz waving flowers around. I miss that guy. Last time I saw

Morrissey there was absolutely no flower swinging! Also, I think “Love Shack” is the way to go for Charles and I. He’s right. I not only pull of “Tin roof rusted,” I rock “Tin roof rusted.” And the rest of the song. (I’m very modest about it too.) So, yeah, that has to happen.

But, really, how awesome is @CS70, you guys?! If you don’t already follow him, make like a cool kid and FOLLOWFOLLOWFOLLOW!

*Check in next week for a very special episode of Twitterview. Trust me, guys. It’ll be epic and stuff.