Did You Ever Listen To The Wrong Voice In Your Head?

​I was lost. I could hear silence crying loud. The breeze was sounding sad. “What should I do? Should I return back, or should I head forward? I don’t understand. I want to go back, but I can’t. I want to head forward, but I am not able to.” I spoke to myself.

I am Muskaan and this is my story about how I failed in my 10th. I ran away from my house in search of peace and ease. No one was there to help me through my problems now. It was only me and my loneliness. I was in a barren land, with only a sense of danger and worriment. “Did I take the right step?” I asked myself. No answer yet. “Yes, Muskaan. Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter if you are alone. All you need to think is that you are right!” A motivated voice spoke within me. This is not the first time I felt I am down. I am negligent. Indisciplined. Poor in studies. People around made fun of me. I ignored. Parents keep scolding me. I kept on shrugging them off.

I don’t understand that it was my fault or my fate? I was really heartbroken. I wanted someone to support me, to help me through my problems. I was literally tired of my life. I didn’t want to continue any further, but the fear of giving up at this point of time kept me on with my journey.

Going a little further, a swift wind blew and enclosed me. I could sense the goosebumps pop out of my skin. My eyelids were shut, to defend my eyes from the dust particles. After a little while, everything stopped. I opened my eyes and, “What just happened?” I was in darkness, surrounded by the fear of silence and loneliness. Little by little the darkness dissolved away, leaving me with a tiny shaft of light to see through.

A pure bleached wall, with black zeros on top, made me wonder. “What are these zeros doing here.” When I looked around, to peer through each corner of the room, I saw a blackboard saying, “you lost!” after I read that phrase, my heart started to thump hard. Everything around disappeared away, leaving me with the only clean white environment with nothing around. “You lost…You lost…You lost…!” The voice behind kept repeatedly whispering. “God! Please save me. I don’t want to be here anymore. Mom…” I cried out loud. “No! don’t do that Muskaan. You are not meant to give up. Think about the situations you left behind in search of something good. You have to find a way out of here.”

Once again a motivational voice made me stand up and strengthen my spirit. “Yes! I lost,” I cried out. “I am a big loser. I am weak. I am heartbroken. I am surrounded by negativity. But that is nothing to do with you.” I roared furiously, “Who are you? What do you want from me? Why don’t you just leave alone?” A thunderous voice gave me the replay, “I am the hidden negativity inside you. You never trusted yourself. All you did was blamed others for your mistake.”

I was hanged for a while, listening to the voice and realising the mistake that I committed. The voice continued, “Your parents kept correcting you, but you snubbed them off. People made fun of you, you should make yourself strong enough to bare those rubbish talks. You lost hope. Your failure wasn’t your fate, Muskaan, it was your fault! You chose the wrong voice to listen to. A strong and right person never runs away from the saddest part of his life, but instead, he makes it much better by facing his troubles.”

For a while, I stood shivering and recalled all the blur memories I had. Few, thick drops of tears poured out of my tired eyes. I knelt down and burst out crying. Now I could only hear the buzz of silence covering my ears, when suddenly, an alarm clock rang, jolting me out of my sleep.

A stream of tears ran down my cheeks. “What? Am I really home?” I asked myself lying on my comfy bed. That was the first time I had ever felt so good, happy and lucky to live another day of my life. I crossed out the date on my table calendar and had only one thing to worry about. EXAM! It was the 13th of Feb 2019, when I actually had to give my first exam. “Don’t worry Muskaan. You can do it this time.” A motivative voice again! “Should I really trust it or not?”