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I found out that I have Autism upon having a son with the same "disorder." Ironically, I was voted, "Most Likely to Succeed," by my high school classmates. But had I been born now, instead of 40+ years ago, I would have been considered a different sort of special. This site was started to encourage other Autistics and the people who love them .

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While reading through Deuteronomy this morning I ran across these verses:

23At that time I pleaded with the LORD: … 25Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan—that fine hill country and Lebanon.”26But because of you the LORD was angry with me and would not listen to me. “That is enough,” the LORD said. “Do not speak to me anymore about this matter.”

Deuteronomy 3: 23, 25-26

I had to stop and read verse 26 again. Did Moses just switch from writing a narrative to directly interacting with his audience? Who is the “you” he is referring to in that verse? I read the first section of that chapter again, and could find no direct clues. I had my hunches, but I thought it best to look further. So I kept reading.

This is what I ran into:

The LORD was angry with me because of you, and he solemnly swore that I would not cross the Jordan and enter the good land the LORD your God is giving you as your inheritance.

Deuteronomy 4:21

During this section, Moses was talking directly to the Israelites so he was most definitely meaning, “you fellow Israelites,” when he used the pronoun, “you.”

He DID mean, “you fellow Israelites,” back in chapter 3. I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that Moses, of all people, would blame others for what God clearly told him was his fault. I have always struggled a bit with how harsh God’s punishment seemed to be for Moses when he struck the rock instead of speaking to it (see the story in Numbers 20). But only God knows the heart, so He must have seen something that He realized required discipline.

As I am writing this I am realizing that Moses’ patent refusal to accept responsibility for his own actions, that were in direct conflict with what God had explicitly told him, show why God didn’t allow him to lead the Israelites farther into Canaan. Conquering Canaan was going to require all sorts of crazy, strange, unique and downright ridiculous-seeming strategies that would need to be followed without editing or questioning. Moses liked to question.

Moses had done an amazing job getting the Israelites this far. But he was getting tired.

It is heartening to me that God chose to use someone as human as Moses, who, even at the end, wasn’t perfect.

This passage is also getting me thinking – what in my life is out of reach because of actions that I have not taken responsibility for?

Speaking from the experience of being a person with autism, and having relatives with autism, I can say with some confidence, that blaming others for things we should take responsibility for is a common struggle for us. Neurotypical people can struggle in this area, too. But it seems especially prevalent among those of us with autism.

Here’s to owning our mistakes and making it a better day, with God’s help, of course!

Here are the stages in the journey of the Israelites when they came out of Egypt by divisions under the leadership of Moses and Aaron. At the LORD’s command Moses recorded the stages in their journey. This is their journey by stages:

Numbers 33: 1-2

The Israelites have just reached the Jordan river for the second time and are getting prepped to finally go in and take the land that was promised to Abraham hundreds of years ago. They have wandered in the desert, somewhat aimlessly, for 40 years because of the doubts of the first generation. But now they are ready to trust God and move into the next big adventure He has for them.

I found it comforting to know that God kept track of every part of their journey, both the highs and the lows. I am glad that He doesn’t command me to write down every bit of my journey (hmmm, actually, I think He has, which is why I feel compelled to write today – interesting). Ok, so He doesn’t, in His explicit word, command us to write down where we have been, though for some of us, that is what He asks of us. But regardless, He keeps track of where we have been. He cares. He knows how everything fits together.

You are not alone or unimportant. The God of the entire universe knows where you have been and cares to help you move forward into the next big adventure in your life.

Like this:

I have been reading numerous Christian personalities talk about how they weren’t allowed to question things in their church. Or how they believe that doubts drive us to greater faith, so doubts should be embraced as ok.

This is what I have found to be true in my Christian walk.

It is ok to have questions. David often voiced his questions in his Psalms. I once had a pastor say that we should never ask the question, “Why?” But the man after God’s own heart, David, asked, “why?” on several occasions. For instance:

I say to God my Rock, “Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”

Psalm 42:9

But notice, even in David’s questioning, he still keeps God in the proper place in his life. He questions God, but doesn’t disrespect God in the process.

Sometimes our doubts get so big that they make if difficult to keep God in his rightful place. The Bible promises that God won’t leave us while we struggle to find our faith again:

if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

But I have also learned that the only way to find faith again is to actually practice faith. What is faith?

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see…. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:1, 6

Believe that what God has promised is true, even if what you see right now doesn’t make sense to you. Have confidence in what you do not see. Believe that He will reward you, even if you can’t see how right now.

The other day I was frustrated about a truly minor situation, but it was still really maddening to me. I asked God to fix the situation, but He wouldn’t. Instead, He reminded me of the verse:

give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

It took some work, but I managed to get myself to thank him for being with me. And it was the craziest thing – I felt awesome, even though I was still stuck in a less-than-ideal situation!

I shouldn’t have been surprised as He promises that:

However, as it is written

“What no eye has seen,what no ear has heard,and what no human mind has conceived”[b]—the things God has prepared for those who love him—

1 Corinthians 2:9

Blessings on your journey!

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Just a quick thought. The other day I realized that when Job questions God about what is going on, God’s answer to Job is, essentially, I am. That is the same thing that God tells Moses when Moses asks God what His name is. And that is what Jesus says in the New Testament about Himself. Sometimes God lets us know why something happens, and sometimes He says, I am.

“19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:19-20

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While reading through Exodus, it hit me. The Jewish calendar starts with the freeing of the Israelites from Egypt. All of Jewish life is counted from the point of freedom through God’s mighty salvation.

May your life be counted from the point that Jesus saved you and brought you into the freedom to do right and have peace.

If you are wondering what that means, check out the link to the left: Jesus – The Bridge to Eternal Life.