okay i admit it!ayokong i-share yung pera ko! i already gave 5000 to him, gave another 2000 for groceries, and another 2000 to pay to dwin! do i fucking get money from him when he has money? fucking no! his money is for HIM, and my money is still supposed to be for HIM! aargh!!!

if i can just be MYSELF for one stinking day... and not be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister-in-law, a daughter-in-law... yun bang wala akong iniisip... just sipping coffee [or tungga-ing some beer] and having no preoccupations at all. gusto kong mapag-isa!

as a result of all these rantings...

...i'm taking it out on dar. gawd, i'm so freaking messed up. siya lang kasi ang lahat-lahat ko ngayon eh. i don't get to see my friends anymore... one bailed out on us, two went off to places far and unknown, and one is a working girl. my family's not with me. he's the only one i've got, pero it's as if he doesn't have a freaking idea na i need him so much!.

please. i am so fucking messed up. it's like my brain is making up so many messed up thoughts... and sometimes, i don't have a fucking idea what the hell is going on! my paranoia is eating me alive... gawd, just make it eat my fats!