So, I have pondered on my year and past decisions that I have made both good and bad but they were my decisions. I have to my biggest disappointment would be my divorce. Now see, this came from out of the blue, my ex husband decided to move on with someone else. Of course, I was devastated, I must have cried for 6 months straight, than denial, anger, depression, but most of all I gave up the fight for what was rightfully mine. My belongings, pictures of my childhood, 12 years of my life, my clothes, shoes, purses,and my everything. After 1 year of court dates and bullshit, I finally just walked away with the clothes on my back. I moved on and started all over with the help of my family and friends. It’s funny even now I’m very territorial with my belongings with my boyfriend. I bought it, it is mine. If this relationship would ever end, I will stand my ground and take what is rightfully mine. I know that it was material belongings from my marriage but I worked so hard to have the best of what I wanted. I think about all that I gave up, it was too draining and depressing how in a split second my life had changed. I miss my fathers photos and I items that I was given after he died, or the photo albums I spent making of my family growing up, or all my shoes and purses! But maybe I needed to go through that period of tine to see that I’m stronger and I will not just give up on anything but to make it through any part of my life that maybe difficult and move forward. I found this quote and thought it was meaningful:
“The thing with giving up is you never know. You never know whether you could have done the job. And I’m sick of not knowing about my life.”
— Sophie Kinsella (Remember Me?)

So I have been laid up the last week from an injury self-inflicted, it’s called old age. Anyway, amongst my recuperation I receive a phone call from 2 old friends from when we lived in Miami, that were in Nola for the weekend and wanted to catch up. It’s strange because we were all transplanted to Miami, be it because of school, work, and the military. I was there because I was married and my ex husband was in the Coast Guard. None of us had any family there nor could we be with our families when we wanted. We would all get for all holidays, birthdays, and go out to the beach on the weekends. There were 16 of us “homeless” as the boys called it. We were a tight nit family. I remember crying at our going away party,I was gonna miss these great group of people who touched my life. My two pals who visited was Aaron and Hunter they were my favorites, always joking and laughing at anything that came their way. I loved hanging out with those two because it was always some funny story that came about. I was a little nervous to see them, don’t get me wrong I was totally excited after 7 years apart. Yeah we talked on Facebook but sitting down and seeing them was different. See, when I divorced it was very unexpected, I was madly in love. Our friends couldn’t believe that he left me, and I was so emotionally distraught. But time went on as so did I, and thought I wouldn’t feel these flood of emotions from my past. So, we meet for dinner, we all can’t believe we haven’t seen each other in so long. I was worried I had aged in my 7 years, but was told otherwise by my guys. Then, the stories of all the good times we had, our weekly dinners I would prepare for everyone, and what happened to my marriage. I hadn’t felt like something was missing until that moment. I guess I just swept my old feelings and emotions under the rug. I remember thinking ” I was so happy, my life was fulfilling, and had everything I wanted. So, I thought, my memories of my past were flooding my mind. This man I shared a great life with together just decided to move on without me. Can you really forgive if you can’t forget,,,, I would like to think so because maybe there was a different path I was to be on at this point in my life. Maybe I deserve to be with someone who will love all of me and not just some of me. We are told as young adults we should forgive and forget. But what if you try to forget just to forgive so that you can move on from this emotional moment in your life. As much as I try to block that time, maybe I should forgive and forget the pain and remember the good times and people I met through our marriage. I am stronger and almost to my happy place. I have hopes and dreams for my future and hope that forgiveness means forgetting my old wounds and move on to a happier future.

So, it was a gorgeous Memorial Day weekend. Surrounded by family and friends, but the realness of this weekend was a salute to all of the service men and women. I wanted to give thanks to all the men and woman who have dedicated theirs lives for our freedom. We forget that they will have to leave their family and loved ones for a specific amount of time. Normally, its, for 6 months to a year if not more these soldiers to be shipped out. Our freedom it what they are fighting for us 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. “Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we cannot ever fully repay,” Obama said in a speech. “But we can honor their sacrifice, and we must.” There is a lot of patriotism, but is it for the true meaning of Memorial day or is it for the 3 day weekend that everyone so looks forward too. I believe in our fight for freedom, but to a point, let’s focus on our own agenda, our Country! Let’s bring our men and woman home and forge a new fight for a better America, instead of poverty and violence, increase education and job security for all those here that want to make a difference for our children’s future. Give a thank you to all our service men and women, let them know how we as a Country appreciate them every minute that they are gone fighting for our Freedom!

So, I set my DVR on Wednesday to watch the last Oprah show. Now I admit back in the day when she first began her talk show, I was an avid watcher. But as time passed I had a job that didn’t get me home until 6 o’clock in the evening if that. I mean who is really home during the day getting to watch the soaps and the various afternoon talk shows ( maybe the stay at home mommies or daddies ) because I am lucky to catch the evening news. But she was pretty good, she made you feel like “your family” wasn’t the only crazy one out there. She made it a point to address the good, the bad, and the ugly. I mean who wouldn’t want to be an audience member whenever she was on her “giving sprees”. I had asked a friend of mine if she was gonna watch the last episode, and she replied” you know I have never really watched Oprah…” I cannot believe this she has heard of her but never watched 1 show. I think almost every person has seen one of her shows. She is a legend, from the South, and discussing topics that most would never even think of going there. But towards the end I think her last few years were more about religion and politics. These two areas are best left on the back burner. Not every person is going to have the same views, so let’s not try to convince them other wise. I loved her inspirational shows, the viewers faces of emotions. But mostly, her rise to the top, doing what she loved, and inspiring others to follow their dreams. Yes, it is an End of an Era, I am sure she will be back but it will not be the same Oprah afternoon talk show. I miss that feeling of I leave work early and can sit down for a second on flick on the tube and watch her show. She will be missed and I will go on to follow my dreams just as she has always inspired others to do as well.

I am so disappointed in the recent turn of events that is happening in our society. Especially, here in Nola the crimes that are occurring on a daily basis is out if control. And it’s not just here but, it’s everywhere. What the hell is wrong with these low life’s running amuck, shootings, killings, theft, and rape. A local chef was held at gunpoint, when asked for cash he was shot 3 times and left for dead. We have police officers milking the system out of money, raping individuals ( man, woman, and child ), basically breaking the law and getting away with it. Random killings happening because the accused are supposably mentally incompetent. There are mothers and fathers killing their children and loved ones. For unknown reasons or whatever it maybe, how is it that these people are not suffering the consequences. I am outraged because why aren’t there more people done with these criminals ruining lives, when will it end. Where is the justice in these crimes, how is it that we have this so-called judicial system and these criminals are not paying the price. I used to think our laws were here to help and protect those in need but just the opposite its helping those criminals go free. We as a society need to stand together and make a change and make a difference. We need to stand tall and show that these crimes will not be tolerated. Maybe my views and opinions differ from most, but I believe an “eye for an eye”. Why should the good suffer because of the bad. I feel strongly that if you commit a crime: ex.) kill someone, and go to prison, you should be held accountable for your actions, serve the fullest and maximum time allowed. You turned your life around, well good for you, but you killed someone, you took someone’s life away, so you deserve to not have a life. Prisoners want Internet, email, candy, mail, and t.v., I call bullshit, why should you have any type of life’s necessities. You did the crime so you deserve to do the time! All of it!

Here I am in my prime so to say, have a great job, making decent money, new car, great family and friends. So why is it that at the tender age of 39 my body feels like it’s failing me. I gave up the sodas, fast food, I walk 5 days a week and my body is not doing it’s part. I mean my face had always been so nice with combination type skin, now it’s dry and has redness. My eyesight has slightly, i said slightly seem to need a little guidance. My legs have been my best part of the relationship between my body and I, now there is one varicose vein. My hip hurts so bad lately,that I ask myMother what does she think and all of the Nurse Mommy diagnosis, says suggests sciatica! Really! Then the always lovely and compassionate ( that would be me using sarcasm ) boyfriend teases that maybe I need a hip replacement because “I am getting up there in age”. Hello, you are only 3 years younger than me! Then there are the Boobs, these girls have had the best if times, I mean the compliments we have received because of you girls, the free drinks, the dinners, that one time you girls got me out of a traffic ticket. At least gravity hasn’t hit us yet. I can proudly say I still got even without a bra on they are still perky. But back to the other parts, I may not have treated you like a Temple, body, but I always made sure we dressed nicely, wore pretty shoes, had a nice tan, and sacrificed the workouts for drinking and dancing. But that was only to show you the appreciation I have for us. So How can it be that after all the good times together that this is how you repay me with these aches and pains. I refuse to go down without a fight, I may be turning a year older but I definitely won’t let it affect my body, the Temple ( well the Temple of Life ). Can someone please get me an icepack, the heating pad, and my glasses…..

I can remember as a teenager, I couldn’t wait to be on my own, with my own house, no curfew, no responsibilities from the parentals. I moved to Florida to live with my Aunt and Uncle, then to my ex-husbands mother’s home with him (we were building our house needless to say it wasn’t the best of circumstances), finally to our own home. Even after my divorce I lived with my family until I found my own place. It was great except not much furniture, I was never home except to shower, sleep, or it was the meeting place for the night on the town with all of my friends. Then I meet the present boyfriend, fell madly in love and I moved in together way too soon. Needless to say I have never really lived on my own to appreciate life on my own. I wish now I would’ve made better choices back then to really have live the single life as an adult who wasn’t using her previous home as a sleep, eat, and drink station. I appreciate my alone time, reading a book, cooking what I want, drinking a glass of wine, not having to pick up after someone 24/7, and having a clean home to come too at the end of the day. All I can say is live life to the fullest and appreciate your time because it all changes when you involve someone else in your equation. I think now, that being Home Alone is probably the best feeling of being an adult.