If I kept this up (spoiler alert, I haven't been doing so hot in April so far), I'd hit 1001 miles this year. Success! Although this felt like a slightly running heavy month, and I focused on doing longish runs each time I went out, my body only rebelled slightly (2 days of shin splints). I'll try and kick back into high gear in May and hopefully still be on track for my goal... still 9 months left in the year.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

We got back from Brussels last Friday. I woke up on Saturday and ran, then did a ton of errands that included picking up my wedding dress(!!!) and getting my hair colored (less !!! because I swear it's purple and I hate it... ugh). Saturday night I commented that the lower left side of my back was in some pain. I couldn't press on the area to make the pain go away, or stretch it. It got worse over the course of the night and bothered me when I tried to sleep. Sunday was even worse, so much so that I considered going to the ER. Instead, I lazed on the couch, took ibuprofen, and Nick was sweet enough to go out and get me a heating pad. By Monday it felt about 50% better. That's a great improvement except that now it's Thursday and... it's still about the same. I tried to do burpees yesterday and they made me yelp.

I am pretty sure this is just from the combination of sitting stupidly on the plane for 7 hours each way, travelling to and from Belgium in 4-inch heels, lugging an almost 50 lb. suitcase everywhere, carrying a heavy purse exclusively on my left side, and sleeping in weird beds, but of course my mind went elsewhere. I was certain I had some sort of intestinal failure, or a kidney infection, or something else awful. I asked Dr. Google and he confirmed, lower back pain in women is really bad. Since I'd been eating and drinking with wild abandon, I figured it was intestinal failure and I was going to die. But I didn't go to the ER. Because I was really comfortable on the couch and a new season of Mad Men had just come on Netflix. Priorities.

I know that 2 days of airline travel will just make this more uncomfortable, but I'll have pain killers with me and I'll tough it out. New Zealand is a developed country, and if it gets truly awful I will visit a doctor. It's difficult only being in town for 4 business days between international trips (major first world problems, I know...). Nick is going through the same thing with a little infection he has, it's not enough time to truly determine if something is getting better or worse. Rolling the dice on health.

Getting ready for this wedding trip is exciting and stressful. I'm excited about the wedding, of course, and that's actually not the most stressful part. Dress, jewelry, shoes for me. Suit, shirt, shoes and socks for Nick. Done. We show up on April 16 (Note- the wedding folks in NZ want to CHANGE THE DATE from the 16 due to crappy weather that day. on one hand, yay, it won't rain on my wedding date... on the other hand, boo, I want to get married next Tuesday...) and then we're married and there is much rejoicing. It's the other 2 weeks of traveling and packing and eating that are stressing me out. So many clothes! And peanut butter.And Clif bars. And shoes.

I am still very, very excited and so happy we get to go on this trip! Be back with pictures in 18 days!

I really should have my "knows how to feed herself" license taken away. It's what I imagine they give you when you move away from home, go to college, and are given a meal plan. The meal plan at least prevents you from eating 75 times a day (although mine allowed me to eat 4x/day which meant I could buy Ben and Jerry's at the nighttime convenience store every night. And I did.), but it does not dictate what those meals should consist of. This is why the freshman 15 happens, because of the endless pasta sources in dining halls across the country.

But that's not what this is about. The college meal plan is like the Learner's Permit of the eventual full-blown Eating License you'll eventually receive. The Eating License is ultimate freedom. Buy your own food with your own money because it'll keep hunger at bay/fuel exercise/taste good/whatever your priority is. Being a real, responsible adult who chooses and buys her own food. That is where I fail. Nick and I headed to Belgium last week and on the FIRST DAY, within hours of leaving home, I had beer. Actually, beers. Plural beers. These were the first of lots of beers. On the plane, when offered naan and yogurt (we were flying on Jet Airways, an Indian airline with actual decent airplane food!), I gladly ate. When we got to the hotel and the eggs at the breakfast buffet were clearly made with copious amounts of cream/butter, I ate. Then there was more beer. Then there was lost luggage and stress eating and beer! and "oh, you guys serve fries with mayonnaise as the dipping sauce? I'll take 4 please!" It was vacation eating at its best, except I also took a vacation from eating anything that might marginally make me feel ok. No fruit for days and days. Almost non-existent salads. No grains. Little protein. Little water. Sadness. For a whole week.

Needless to say, I was varying degrees of miserable during the whole trip. So I got home a few days ago, and tried to resume eating normally. And then Nick said "man I have a lot of ice cream in the freezer" and I decided I'd eat all of that too. I insist on making poor decisions. Since spending 5 weeks of my life trying to make myself feel better, you'd think I would have learned something. Like, avoiding things that trigger stomach problems is worth the trouble. Seriously, it is so worth it to have energy, sleep well, and not have to deal with heartburn and the other nastiness I have going on. Although the beer was mostly worth the trouble it caused (I'm looking at you, Chimay Tripel, a.k.a. beer made of joy), I don't think multiple servings of pasta and cheese and tofu were. I can eat cheese anywhere. I have cheese in my fridge right this minute. And tofu is just not that special either.

Right now, I'm struggling to balance eating what I want while watching for things that'll upset my stomach but not being too obsessive but being mindful but having fun but...but...but... It's just a lot of work. I love food. I love experiencing new restaurants. I love overthinking, but not because I actually love it. I love overthinking because it gives me control. And that's not healthy. But then it spirals into "don't overthink it! eat what you want!" and what I want is wheat-y noodles and fried things. The world is my oyster! Oyster made of stomach cramps. Given the choice between a salad and a pile of pasta, the salad actually sounds good.

So tomorrow, when I set off on my epic journey to New Zealand for the Wedding of the Century (I get to call it that), I need to remember these things. Not only because I'll be sharing a tiny, mobile bathroom with my husband (AHHHHHH HUSBAND!!! EXCITEMENT!!!!), but also because it's not that hard to say no to a dinner roll. Lentils are awesome. I'll have more lentils.

I'm about to be married. I'm an adult. I know how to feed myself properly. I just need to be less of an idiot about it.