Wednesday, January 9, 2013

God Keeps Breaking Me...

and my love for people. I am a trusting, honest, wear my heart on my sleeve (most of the time) kind of girl who gets attached to people way to quickly. Attached meaning I think often of people I have known, whether for a short time or for years, and wonder how they are and what their life is becoming.

I don't really think the attached thing is a good thing. Maybe that's why I facebook stalk?!?! Just kidding. Ok, I'm not. :)

At work yesterday, my heart was broken again because of my easy, quick, attached love for people. It really is a long, stupid story that probably would mean nothing to most people, but I sat at work for 4 hours on the verge of tears the entire time. When I first got to work, I had to go to the bathroom and cry and when I left work I cried on the way home. Basically, one woman, who was my favorite, stabbed me in the back.

I was shocked. I have said that my job bottom line stinks major big time, but the people made up for it. I loved the people I worked with. They made it ok.

But, God broke me in that department... again.

Do I think it is wrong to love people? Absolutely the opposite. We are commanded to love our brothers and sisters.

Do I think it is wrong to trust people automatically? Maybe. I never want to be an untrusting person, who doubts everyone. I want to trust, but really I need to learn (again and again it seems) that I can only trust God. He is the only one I can ever fully depend on or expect to be honest.

Do I think it is wrong to get attached to people? Probaby in the way I do. I mean I'm not crazy, hahaha, but I really think that I invest too much of my heart into people when I shouldn't be.

My whole life I have had relationships break my heart, because we are flawed people. We are not perfect so our relationships are not. Our actions and words are not, but God's are.

God is the one who is always there for us. God is the one who always loves us. God is the one who never stabs us in the back. God is the one I should be working toward impressing, loving fully, living for and working for.

So until I get this right in my life, I'm pretty sure He will keep breaking me for Him.

Is there something that God continues to break you of so you strengthen your relationship with Him?