Actually, GR, I was thinking that bed bugs might belong at the top of the list.

Market Street, USA:

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But, hey Gordo, are you going to come to the 415? We need you here.

Speaking of Market Street and bed bugs, here’s what the Hotel Whitcomb (renamed from Ramada Plaza not too long ago because of a massive lawsuit involving bed bugs and ballyhoo) will send out to you if you report dozens of bites on your porcelain skin:

We are sorry for any discomfort that you may have experienced and we are very concerned about what happened. We want you to know that it is our highest priority to provide our guests with the cleanest rooms possible. We have a dedicated inspection team of trained staff that inspects all our rooms to ensure that these cases do not arise.

As you mentioned that you did not find any evidence, so it is possible you could have encountered them elsewhere. Please note that this incident has nothing to do with the cleanliness of our rooms. Please rest assured that this is not a reflection of our facilities cleanliness, as we take pride in providing excellent service and the cleanest accommodations, for all our guests.

Please feel free to contact me at your convenience so we may discuss any circumstances which may have occurred and please accept our sincerest apologies.

Kris Betz, Director of Operations”

That’s how we roll in San Francisco’s corrupt Mid Market Twitterloin.

So sure, you’re covered in bites, but:

1. You probably got bitten somewhere else, not at Hotel Whitcomb!

2. Or maybe you’re just making things up, maybe you’re insane!

3. Or maybe you’re not insane but you’re a criminal who wants to shake us down for, I don’t know, another big fat $71,000 judgment / settlement!

4. Or maybe you did encounter bed bugs in one of our rooms, but probably you didn’t experience any discomfort, right? Kind of a no harm no foul kind of thing!

5. And, in any event, our rooms are clean. Did I mention that before? Our rooms are clean. Can I mention this fact four times in five sentences? YES I CAN!