The Mongol Rally is nigh. The 2016 edition will see 315 shit cars leave the smooth tarmac of Goodwood Motor Racing circuit on 16th July for the unpaved roads of the horizon.

Our teams will head across a third of the globe in the hope of arriving in Ulan Ude in time for happy hour. Many tyres will be sacrificed in their quest, sumps will be busted, and engines flooded. The bravest and the best of them will make it anyway.

Here's our Rolling News of the rally preparations mixed with a little advice from The Adventurists and Veterans:

Rosa Earp 15.07.16

Don't buy a Sat Nav

A little blue line won't change your life until it's on a pregnancy test.

The only thing guaranteed to make an adventure boner floppy is a plan. Especially one that's generated by a series of machines. Fuck off. Drive into the rising sun and ask directions.

15.07.16

Rosa Earp 14.07.16

"You don't need that"

There is a temptation to overpack in the face of the unknown. Fight it. The less you have, the more mobile you are, the more stuff you can do. But don't take our word for it:

Get together everything you’re going to take. Then throw half of it away. Then throw half of what you’re still taking away. You’ll still have too much but it’s a start. 

— Rufus Horne, Mongol Rally 2015 Veteran

 Someone says this every year and every year most people ignore them (me included).

— Matthew Gourley, Mongol Rally 2015 Veteran

Bella Bridge 14.07.16

Team Back To Yak have done us proud with a splendid paint job.

14.07.16

Rosa Earp 13.07.16

Jenny, company director of The Adventurists knows a thing or two about crossing borders:

 Don’t piss off the border guards - even if you have a visa, your entry is at their discretion. Don’t look scared because they will enjoy scaring you more. Don’t look like you’re not scared, because they’ll enjoy teaching you a lesson. 

— Jenny

She's got some more advice actually:

Trust your instincts when you’re lost. You’ll have to rely on local people and the feel of a place to get you out of the mess, so your intuition is vital. Don’t flinch and crash your car when a police officer points his gun through your passenger window. It’s just a lighthearted method of grabbing your attention, regardless of whether you’ve made an illegal manoeuvre or not. 

— Jenny

More anyone?

If you end up being towed across half a country’s finest roads at 60km/ph, don’t turn your steering lock on. Don’t drive to the point you’re hallucinating roads that don’t exist. Siberia has a display of some of the most mangled cars you’ll ever see by the roadside - don’t be one of those.

It’s a very wide world and the Rally is an ideal means of seeing a bit of it. Take your time so you can appreciate it. Like making several hundred litres of Bortsch with a Ukranian spinster or nearly marrying off your sister accidentally or “relaxing” in a motorway service station sauna while some almost naked strangers smack you with sticks before heading back to their trucks. 

— Jenny

Oh and:

Ice cream boxes can make good head gaskets if cut correctly.

— Jenny

There you have it. Wisdom picked up from a over a decade of Rally experience.

13.07.16

Bella Bridge 12.07.16

The most important part of your rally preparation:

Just finished the most important part of our trip. Playlist completed at a solid 182 hours and a quarter. Big effort from Sarah.

— Harley Birchley

Rosa Earp 12.07.16

Don't forget to document it

You mum wants shots of you wearing a seatbelt. We'll enjoy shots of your car and your team in remote landscapes. Your sponsor doesn't give a shit as long as their logo is engraved on your camera lens.

We're not going to tell you how you should record it but we will point out that these photos are excellent. If we photoshopped the cars out though they'd be a touch travel-guide-bland.

You're about to drive a small car across a third of the globe, some would think that's quite an unusual way to spend a summer.

So when taking photos of the places you see, include what got you there: your car and your teammates.

You’ll seriously regret not filming your teammates when they are crying and shouting at you. Especially if they’ve wet themselves.

— Dan, The Adventurists MD

Wise words.

Bella Bridge 12.07.16

Marcus is all revving to go.

There may be 3 days to go, but I want to go NOW!

— Marcus Kilgour

12.07.16

Rosa Earp 11.07.16

Some more excellent advice that we'll happily cosign.

Smile at everyone. Never give a bribe. Even if it takes you 24 hours to get out of saving $2

— Kentis, Mongol Rally 2015 Veteran

Jenny's got some more thoughts here:

Remember, Policemen don’t have ATMS. 

— Jenny, Company Director

11.07.16

Bella Bridge 10.07.16

Team 7 Year Itch receive top marks for their rally sticker placement. The rogues.

10.07.16

Bella Bridge 09.07.16

The Citreon is all up and ready. It doesn't have an engine yet though....

09.07.16

Rosa Earp 08.07.16

Don't accept failure.

You will be approached by people offering to take your mashed up car off your hands.

At best, they may be enthusiastic but have no idea what debt they will be incurring by importing it. At worst, they have no intention of registering the car and wiping your name of the debt.

Countries will not accept 'broken down' as a valid way round the import tax. Especially not the scarier ones. Bogde fix it, and keep going, and you'll be telling the story to your grandkids.

Every year someone falls foul of the import tax law and finishes the rally several thousand pounds poorer. Don't let that be you.

You know that skinny guy that we like to try and kill occasionally? Well, it turns out he's way more than a mere crash test dummy - he's the most wonderful dummy of all. Welcome to Mr Buddy - in his own words.

Teams Area

Warning

The website is written in a light-hearted fashion but you cannot overestimate the risks involved in taking part in these adventures.

Your chances of being seriously injured or dying as a result of taking part are high. Individuals who have taken part in the past have been permanently disfigured, seriously disabled or lost their life.

These are not holidays. These are adventures and so by their very nature extremely risky.

You really are putting both your health and life at risk.

That's the whole point.

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