Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Frankly, my dear....

First, let me be real for a minute. When I started this journey at the beginning of the year, I had plans to go all the way. I was excited to share with you my journeys and adventures. But, I stopped and I feel like it was needed. I had some things happen and they needed to sink in for a moment. I stopped because, even though I started writing this blog with high ambitions, there were some people who decided to take certain things too personally. I don't plan on telling anyone what happened, and by anyone, I especially mean the people who will feel like if they ask enough, I will tell them. This is a personal issue that I am dealing with in a personal way. So, to be blunt, don't ask I won't tell you.

That being said, I need to get something off of my chest. If you know me at all then you know that I generally don't take life too seriously. I think that's why I get into a lot of trouble. I honestly don't give a crap about a lot of things. So, when something arises that I do care about wouldn't it be understood that I'm not going to take it lightly. Wouldn't it be understood that I would study it out as much as I can before coming to any conclusion about the topic.

My life has recently changed. There are a lot of things that are different about myself. But, this change didn't happen overnight. A few years ago, I started looking at my life and some of the aspects of it. I rebelled, so to speak. I wanted to see my life when it was viewed in a different light. I did a lot of things that I now regret. I lived in the moment. There was a lot that I simply did on the fly. I made quick decisions because previously my life had been full of thinking and compromising. When I met Melissa, my focus on life changed. I was now thinking, not only for myself, but for someone else. I realized that a lot of things that I had been doing wouldn't be accepted. Melissa took my flighty attitude from the sky and nailed it to the ground. She needed specific things and I wanted to give them to her (pervert, not those kinds of things). But, in the back of my mind lay all of the things that I had left behind.

When we got married, I realized that in her own little way, Melissa had also experienced some rebellion of her own. We talked a lot about it. We talked about the ups and the downs of our pasts....blah blah blah...if you are married then you know what I'm talking about. A couple of years after we were married I started experiencing another change in how I thought about things. I expressed these thoughts to her. She told me that she had been having these same thoughts. At the time, that's where the conversation ended. I, however, continued to have these thoughts. I started studying. Every day I would ask people questions, look through the internet, and study books. Every day these thoughts plagued my mind. Every day for almost three years, I studied, prayed, read, talked, and did almost everything that I could think of to find answers. A few months ago, everything became clear to me. I had investigated things for so long and finally I received some answers. I brought this to Melissa's attention. She told me that she had also been thinking about it.

So, I lead that long story back to to the beginning. I don't take a lot of things in my life too seriously. When I do find something that needs some serious attention, I give it my last breath. I devote more time to it than is needed. Yes, once upon a time I rebelled. I had determined it was the best course for my life to go. When I met my wife, I grew up. I stopped rebelling. I realized that if I wanted my life to be different I needed to figure out things by thinking about them. My life has changed recently. No, I am not rebelling. I have given far too much thought about it to have it be considered rebelling. I am not dragging Melissa through these changes with me. I have made it perfectly clear that if she chooses to do things, it is because she wants to, not because I am pressuring her to do them (get you mind out of the gutter).

In conclusion, I'd politely invited everyone who feels the need to tell me that I'm rebelling, or am trying to find myself, to ask themselves these questions. Have I studied a particular topic for years? Have I gone to every avenue in order to receive answers? Have I allowed myself to be open to the possibility that the questions I have may or may not be something that I want to know, or will like? Will finding these answers make me happier? Will they relieve tension? Will they inspire me to be better? Will it have a negative impact on my family or friends? If you haven't asked yourself these question then how can you honestly tell me that I'm rebelling. Also, most of the people who read my blog don't know my past. I have rebelled. I have done things irrationally or simply because I wanted too. The things that I have changed in my life now are not due to any unreasonable or foolish act of trying to defy anyone or anything.

Now, I want to inform all of you that I will not be terminating my blog. I have given it much thought, not three years but a few days, and have realized that I like writing on here. This is a blank canvus that I can use to express certain thoughts that may or may not become muddled in everyday life. I will be using this blog to document my life, but most importantly, something specific that Melissa and I are doing.

I bought this book titled "1001 foods you must taste before you die". In it are different foods from all over the world that the author has determined should be tried. I am going to use this blog as a forum to record the process. I will be writing about the foods that we eat. It has everything from cotton candy to birds nest (a type of nest that birds in china build in caves using their spit). I hope this will be just as awesome for you as it will be for us. I can't wait to try appennzeller!