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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Thanks, Google

I spent a little time today googling what a Beta of 5 means. Uhm...it's a negative. I'm not pregnant. It's not even a maybe. I think it was a little unfair of Witch Doctor to leave me with that little string of hope. Perhaps she didn't want to ruin Christmas for me. But I was okay with a negative, until she carefully crafted that lie over the phone of a positive.

Something about the way she said it made me ask for the actual number. I could tell she was hiding something. I really think she is hoping a miracle will happen by Thursday, but it won't. It's not right to do this to people, especially when I was open to acceptance. I took that negative home test in stride. I was going to be ok. Now, I just want to cry, but I can't. I have house guests. I have to pretend I'm ok, which never works out well for me. Anyways...

These progesterone shots hurt and I really don't want to take them, if there's no need. Plus, that's wasting precious, expensive medicine. I'll need those meds for FET #3.

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