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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Shot Down

“Come to the PTO meeting” said the paper my daughter brought
home from school.

I hesitated. Meetings
really aren’t my bag. I mean, I
volunteered at school sometimes. I’m not
officer material, not interested in heading up large event
committees. I am conscious of not spreading myself too thin. I served here and there,
helped out in the classrooms a little, had even organized a
small celebration for students who were named Good Citizens each quarter. The Nerd Party, I secretly called it. In the most loving way, of course.
My kids were sometimes two of the nerds who were celebrated. I was always happy for those kids. And honestly, if you have to throw a party
for a large group of kids, you want the group to be comprised of ones who are being
celebrated for good behavior. You just
do.

But I had never been to a PTO meeting. It seemed painful – a bunch of parents and
teachers sitting on uncomfortable chairs in the library, signing up for
things like setting up and tearing down and serving punch. The letter brought the guilt in a big
way. “You’re a slacker,” it should have
said. “You’re ruining your kids’
memories. They will suffer because you
were too lazy and selfish to get involved.”

So I went.

As I sat in the student-sized chair that threatened to
embarrass me by either tipping over or bending under my firmly adult weight, I
signed my name to the attendance roster and shook the thoughts from my head
that I didn’t really belong there. I was
a parent, after all. I had as much of a
say in what goes on in these meetings as any other person in the room. Furthermore, I had ideas. I was always gifted at brainstorming, and I
would not volunteer for anything too big.
I could help, but I wouldn’t over-extend myself.

After I nodded my hellos to all faces familiar and unfamiliar, the
meeting started. Matters discussed first were previous events: how things went and if they were a success. I listened to the positives and the negatives,
and noted the complainers. Why do people
insist on complaining about things in the past, I wondered. There are always people who have nothing good
to say about anything.

Then, a call for new ideas on how to improve a time-honored
event at the school – Grandparent’s Day.
Logistics were the topic at hand.
The previous year, grandparents complained that they didn’t have enough
time to visit children, that parking was inadequate, they couldn’t take children out of school for lunch, they couldn’t eat lunch at school because
the cafeteria was too small. The parents
and teachers argued about every detail – the teachers thought the time was too
long, the parents thought the time was too short, everybody thought the parking
was a mess. And what to do about the
students who don’t even have grandparents?
They are left out every year. There
were no viable solutions, only complaints and arguing.

What a mess, I thought.

You know that feeling you get in your chest when you have
something important to say, that sort of tightness and fast heartbeat that
indicate that you need to get it out or you will regret it later? Yeah.
I need to ignore that feeling.

I raised my hand.

I cleared my throat as everyone quieted for me to speak. “Um, it sounds as if there really aren’t any
solutions to these problems. Grandparents aren’t happy with the way their day is run, teachers aren’t
happy because it’s a wasted school day, and parking is a real problem. We
are wasting this meeting arguing about it. Have we ever considered scrapping the whole
idea?”

The looks on the faces of the parents in the room told me
that nobody had considered scrapping any sort of PTO tradition EVER in the
history of PTO traditions.

Suddenly one woman shot out, “Easy for YOU to say! All of your
kids’ grandparents live out of town!
They probably won't come anyway!”

I'm glad you thought it was funny, because that was my reaction, too. I was totally okay with it. People get very serious about things. I knew right then that I would never fit into a setting like that.

HA! Well at least they all had something to agree about :) Meetings aren't really my thing either. I tried to join the PTO when my sone started kindergarten but it was so messy and disorganized I gave it up after a couple meetings.

Oh good glory... Yup, thank you for the clear confirmation of my decision to never attend a PTO (or is it 'A' now...I can't keep up with these things...??) meeting. And for the record, I would have seconded your motion. But I wasn't there...because, alas, I'll never do those meetings. But I commend your brave soul for trying!!!

My 'kind' would definitely not be welcome at the meetings anyway... I have all kinds of stupid ideas like, let's stop throwing a party/celebration/special day for every.single.thing. we can think of...and maybe focus a bit on learning. I know, that's just crazy talk...

I take the same approach. Volunteering now and then is great (and I love for the kids to know I'm around... watching... keeping tabs... ha), but I will not be an officer, plan events, or get overly involved with the inner workings. I have overheard those women discussing other parents and it's downright nasty. I'll have no part of it.

Here's my latest way of getting out of things: I tell everyone, "I'm a writer, and you know how flaky artsy people are. You just can't rely on me to be in charge, but I'm happy for you to assign me a small task or two. Oh, and definitely email me a reminder, you know, in case I flake out."

Works like magic. They leave me alone, and I can go back to happily shelving books in the library.

You've got it all figured out! I think I give off a flaky vibe, because they stopped calling me to help out. Or it could be that I don't offer to help. Unless it's something like shelving books - last year I leveled books for some teachers, and it was my very favorite volunteer job.

It is an exclusive club, the kids whose grandparents come to visit and wear the shirts that say "I'm so-and-so's Grandma!!" My son said one year he shared a grandparent with one of the kids in his class. I bet that wasn't weird at all.

My kids always have several grandparents there... Like, extras for the ones that don't have any. Somehow, their school makes it work though. You should just go back to being a slacker... Everyone will be happier, especially you. :D

Our school had an annual variety show and I suggested that it should be more inclusive of all kids and not just the popular ones that had a dance coach to choreograph a routine. You could hear a pin drop. That's when I knew it would never change and that I was way too feely for that bunch.