Thursday, January 28, 2016

Punk Ass Book Jockey Slings the Outsider Poetry

Under the adept helmsmanship of experienced trickster Dr. Henry Wolfsburg, an Outsider literary journal called The Journal of Outsider Poetry has quietly supplanted all other sources of information about poetry therapy and advice for clinicians dealing with the mentally ill. Here is an example of the poetry produced under the magnanimous tutelage of Dr. Wolfsburg:

Faking Bad

In anticipation of my

Evaluation to be declared

Non Compos Mentos

I slept under a bridge

For three days

"Getting into character,"

But on the morning of

My intake interview

My hair fell perfectly,

I mean I looked like

A fucking rock star.

College girls on the bus

Were giving me their

Numbers and my skin,

Which I'd purposely sunburnt

And caked in the finest filth,

Glowed like an Australian

Chippendale dancer named Weegie

And even the female Assisstant D.A.

Who had busted me for vagrancy

Waved her panties from

The third story building

Of the Courthouse.

No matter how much I

Tried to speak gibberish

Poetry and philosophical

Tracts spewed from my mouth.

Shuffling past the park

I beat eight

Grand Masters

At chess on move 1

Inadvertently I solved

The Phi Epsilom Theorem

By kicking stones

Into an algorythym.

When I arrived they didn't

Make me wait at all.

My caseworker giggled like

A schoolgirl while I told her

Each day was like an endless shift

In a Chinese fish- gutting

Sweatshop and every one of my fellow

Employees was motivationalist

Richard Simmons.

She ungirdled her enormous

Tits and as they spilled

Like fishguts onto the desk

She began to howl

"Fuck me, fuck me, oh fuck

Me right here in

Front of the open window

On State Street as everyone

Watches me fucking the strongest,

Healthiest, smartest, most popular,

Well-adjusted man in the world.

The rest of the examination was

Also a success.

But as I left the Mental HealthCenter

feeling marvelous

I accidentally bumped

An old woman with the door:

"Watch out you manic-depressive

Schizoid with Socially Avoidant

Features klutz."

Dr. Wolfsburg has had some remarkable results in curing conversion and somatoform disorders by establishing a transference through abnegation of the ablution and a catharsis caused by raising unconscious anxieties to the surface and then externalizing them in a form of a poem which is then published in the institutional newsletter then burned in a mass bonfire where the inmates act out a ceremonial murder of the asylum staff.

Hailed as a genius in many quarters of the psychiatric community, Dr. Wolfsburg remains humble, giving most of the credit for his fame to his patients. "After all, they are the one who write the poetry," he said in an article published in the Harvard Psychiatric Review of Art Therapy Methodology.

In addition to being one of the world's foremost existential crisis therapists, Dr. Wolfsburg is also the curator of The Hall of Bad Dudes, where he is the head Bad Dude.