Stalk Me

Monday, February 18, 2013

Predictions for girls in their early 20's

1. You will have a humiliating drinking experience. Whether it's because you got so wasted you soiled yourself and then got up to sing Karaoke in front of a bar where most of your co-workers hang out, or because you lost at beer pong and then drunk dialed your mom, it's all the same. No one makes it past 21 without shaming themselves whilst drunk. I can't even tell you how many times I've fallen asleep while eating a cheeseburger and crying.

2. You will do something insane after a break up. Maybe you write a journal full of ex-bashing ballads after one too many hours listening to your Taylor Swift Pandora station-and then mail it to your ex, or maybe you burn down their garage and make them think they XXX. We've all been there. We've all made the 2 a.m. phone calls to our old flames where we try to sound casual and uneffected, but really we just want to see if they'll answer/if they're with someone/whyfortheloveofgodtheydon'tloveyouanymore. Break ups are hard, and I don't think we really become well equipped to deal with them until we're somewhere around twice the legal drinking age.

3. You will find yourself evaluating all of your friends. Good, bad or indifferent, this is something that every body eventually has to do, and it might be something you do several times in your life. You sit back and take stock of who you're spending your time with and where they're going with their life. Not because you're better than anyone, but because how are you going to keep spending a BEST FRIENDS FOREVER quantity of time together if you're going in completely opposite directions?
Like if you're always going to work, and they're always going to do laundry at their mom's and eat her leftover KFC.

4. You will go through a weird time, where you make really weird decisions and date people you know are wrong for you. There will be a phase that you pass through at some point in this decade, that will later always be conjured to the forefront of your memory by the smell of bong water and the sight of boys with commitment issues. You may not remember much specific detail about these weeks, months, or God forbid years, because you will likely be intoxicated through almost all of it, but whenever you see a screaming match between some drunk 21 year old and her loser boyfriend in the parking lot of KMart at 1 a.m., you'll just sigh and say "Been there, sister."

5. You will realize at some point that being a 20-Something is not nearly as glamorous as they make it look on T.V. or in magazines. You'll be broke a lot, you'll cry a lot, you'll make a lot of fantastically stupid decisions, and you'll be amazed your liver makes it to your 25th birthday. You're going to date some jerk offs, but hopefully you don't marry them just because you're sad your boyfriend broke up with you. You're going to have some fucking unflattering pictures of you and your friends after two bottles of Rumplemintz and a little too much soul bearing.
But it's cool, because this is the time to do that. This your middle place. The silvery sliver of time where you're still between being a kid and a full fledged adult.
You're here to learn what works for you, and what doesn't. What you need, and what you can or should live without. So own it, rock it, and make the best of it while you still can.
Because Forever 21's sister store isn't called Forever Almost 26 for a reason.
All they would sell is wine and yoga pants and invitations to all your friends' weddings.