Social Question

Why don't dads listen?

my dad ALWAYS has to make jokes about every goddamn thing its really annoying and he never listens to me.
just a min ago i was trying to tell him what type of food i would like to get at the store and all he could do was laugh and make jokes about the stuff i wanted. i asked him nicely to stop and listen to me but he wouldn’t and i got a lil pissed and he started making jokes about that, which made me more pissed.
i just don’t know what to do. any advice?

21 Answers

Have you tried to calmly talk to him about it when he isn’t in the process of cracking jokes? If he starts doing it again, you could look at him and calmly say something like “I’m sorry this is the only way you can communicate with me, but I can not communication with you when you are acting like this” and then stop talking to him. Obviously nicely asking him to stop only gives him more “fuel” for his jokes, so the best thing you can do at that point is stop talking to him and walk away.

I’m sorry to hear that you guys are having trouble communicating. Ir sounds to me as if your dad is uncomfortable for some reason addressing some of the things that are important to you. Perhaps he is forced to see that you are taking steps toward being autonomous and he doesn’t know how to deal with the feelings that your absence one day will cause. Maybe it would be useful to print out this question and these answers, and ask him please to read them.

Ask him if there is a time you can talk to him about something that concerns you. Try to schedule it so that you are not catching him on the fly. Ideally, it should be a time when the two of you are not busy doing something else. Tell him how you perceive his actions and the way they are making you feel. Ask him if that is his intent. See if you can negotiate a way for him to behave towards you that honors your feelings. This must hurt and I hope you can come to some positive resolution with your Dad – I’m sure he loves you.

Ask him to explain to you why a father would be so disrespectful and rude to his own daughter. Secondly I would get some thicker skin and as hard as it may be to do….don’t let his jokes get to you. In fact ignore him when he breaks out his comedy routine and politely express your disinterest in his boorish behavior.

I’m sorry you’re not being listened to. It must be frustrating as hell.

He sounds like he’s taking on the dysfunctional family role of the “mascot” or “jester”. Here is a breakdown of dysfunctional family roles.

Usually the mascot acts out because of their parents (your grandparents) dysfunction. It’s not all about drug/alcohol abuse- sometimes it’s about emotional abuse, being shown an unhealthy example of how to deal with emotional curve-balls, or even religious zealotry.

In this case I would tell him “Dad, you don’t have to joke with me. I love you without all of that.” See what he does.

He’s an idiot and he’s hiding behind his jokes. If you find that you can get over that, and accept this as his quirk, you’ve grown up. Many people make jokes constantly to hide their own flaws, such as a bad memory. You ask them if they remember Jonny Bender, and they don’t, but rather than admit it and be embarrassed, they make a joke about being on a bender and having to go to the john. It’s not making fun of you, it’s pathetic really, but if you want to beat them up for being both incompetent and insecure, you’re not being the bigger one here.

Your situation is similar to our cousin’s. She grew up with parents and 2 brothers that loved to joke around about everything, while she was much more serious and sensitive.

Communication, including humor, varies from person to person. Part of successful communication is learning how other people want to be communicated to, particularly in certain situations. Like a few people have suggested, let your dad know how you feel, and when you want to have a serious conversation with him, let him know on the front end. Otherwise, he may find himself in the same situation as the father from the song. “Cat’s in the Cradle.” It’s a different situation, but it could end up with the same result. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk_eCI19RIs

If attempting to talking about it with your dad doesn’t work, is it something you can approach another family member about for their intervention?

You don’t say how old you are, but the fact that your father buys your food tells me you’re a high school student.

Your father most likely cracks jokes because the idea of you as a dreadlocked vegan makes him nervous, and poking fun is a way to control his own uneasiness and uncertainty about who you’re becoming, how long this person is going to stay, and what happened to the person that used to be there.

If you really want to get your dads attention, write him a letter on paper. be serious in your words to him. explain how you feel, especially that his laughing at you all the time, hurts your feelings. no dad in the world could ever resist a letter from his daughter, like this. if your dad laughs at your letter, then he needs psychological help.