English tabloid editors have tipped their bowler hats at their US counterparts by printing some of the best erotic fan fiction we've seen for some time – a breathless blow-by-blow account of Prince Harry's plan to woo Katy Perry by pushing to have her play at the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. "Harry has a double reason for targeting Katy. First he thinks she is a rocking artist with great songs. But secondly she is single and very sexy," heavy breathed a source. "He sees this as an opportunity to get close to Katy. And he is confident his charm will win her over." And it appears that she'd be keen, the singer is said to have quite a crush on the prince and has even given him the affectionate nickname of Ginger Ninja. "Although Katy may have ended it with Russell, she still has a soft spot for wild boys," added the very knowledgeable source. Though Palace officials have denounced talk of the prince's predatory plan as pure codswallop – that's English, yeah? – that didn't stop writers from adding a toe-curling climax to their tawdry tale by adding that Harry is "planning a romp in the Palace grounds" after the concert. For British eyes only! [Daily Star, Daily Beast]
While Katy opts for a little royal treatment, Russel Brand is making do with random "NY babes." [Page Six]

Tila Tequila left hospital yesterday following a weeklong stay after a brain aneurysm caused her to take a drug overdose. Word has it that she suffered the aneurysm in the middle of the night and in the resulting confusion and pain downed two bottles of "unspecified" prescription drugs and started convulsing. "Tila threw up all over her bed after overdosing and felt like she was dying. She was screaming for help, and in desperation, broke her bedroom window and attempted to jump out," reported our second well-placed source for the day. "Finally a friend came over after getting a strange text from her and found her convulsing on the bed. He called an ambulance and she was taken to the hospital." It's said that she still has trouble speaking and there are fears she might suffer some permanent brain damage. [Radar]

I'm not really up on the reason behind the Marc Cherry/Nicolette Sheridan on-set fight that resulted in the current court case – because who cares about Desperate Housewives? – but we know that shit went down and he hit her. Well, the boss of the year admits he struck her but is trying to discredit her by saying that it was only a slap and not the "violent hit" she is reporting. As if a gentle slap is perfectly acceptable workplace behaviour. And, with that, let's hope that he loses the case and has to fork out a bankruptable amount of money – but mainly so we can be spared his anymore of his horrible creative output. [TMZ]

Hiding behind a thin veil of religion so you can openly talk shit about the gays by suggesting we will cause the downfall of society as we know it won't win you many non-amoeba friends – especially in entertainment circles. And though the former cast of Growing Pains have come out to say they think Kirk Cameron is a bit of a dick, other celebrities are now jumping in on the action: including, but not limited to Debra Messing, Roseanne and Martha Plimpton. We'll go with Roseanne's Twitter response on this one because she always brings it: "Kirk or kurt or whatever Cameron is an accomplice to murder with his hate speech. So is rick warren. Their peers r killing gays in Uganda." [E!]

In today's Tweet Beat, Alan Thicke and Tracey Gold are not standing behind Kirk Cameron, Iman…
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Elizabeth Berkley is expecting her first child with husband Greg Lauren and couldn't be happier. "In life there are moments you cherish forever and this is one of them," she said. "Greg and I are so excited to be expecting our first child this summer. We couldn't be more grateful and overjoyed." While I couldn't be happier for her, I'm especially grateful for the Showgirls-related memes I hope her pregnancy creates. [People]

I'm always surprised when Vogue actually get relevant non-fashion people in their pages. In this instance Lena Dunham and the cast of Girls. [Vogue]

Susan Boyle is taking Ricky Gervais to task for speaking ill of her physical appearance in the past, and makes some solid points.[E!]

Probably seeing her on The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills and realizing the fun she was missing out on, LeAnn Rimes is now making nice with Brandi Glanville. [US]

Enrique Iglesias explains why he won't marry Anna Kournikova, though it's not for the ¡escándalo! reason you might have been hoping for. [US]

Saying she was "very sexually mature in her youth," Olivia Wilde adds that she's sick of being seen as a sex object. Finger snaps all round but, in that case, perhaps appearing on the cover of GQ in a bra is not a power move. [US]

Victoria Beckham has admitted to a shocking ugg boot addiction. And, like many fledgling junkies, she prefers to keep it out of the public eye. [US]

He said that he hopes she miscarries her child, so let's hope Snooki's planned lawsuit against her ex Emilio Masella is a success and he'll soon be without funds to pay for fake tan and eyebrow wax strips. [TMZ]

Kylie Minogue sure knows how to look after her fans, the singer announcing a string of intimate gigs where she'll only play B-sides. Those faint popping noises you heard were heads exploding across the Pacific. [Billboard]

Now that a conservative Christian group has decried Kristin Chenoweth's new TV show GCB, or Good Christian Bitches, as "a sex-filled attack on Christians, conservatives and Texans," I can't wait to tune in! [Radar]

Justin Bieber's pals let him win a dance contest at his birthday party. Considering his line of work how can he be that bad a dancer? I'm not into watching perma-teens shake it on stage so I'm kind of in the dark here. [NYDN]

Apparently a lot of people are into watching perma-teens shake it on stage because Justin just purchased an $18 million L.A. home. [CBS]

Tina Fey didn't stick around to watch Lindsay Lohan get a lukewarm response on SNL because both of her kids were sick. [NYDN]

A follow-up to her curiously named 2002-2005 "Farewell Tour," Cher says her upcoming tour will be her last. [Digital Spy]

In keeping with their delusions of grandeur, members of The Real Housewives Of New York have gone on strike to protest their filming schedule without realizing it'll just give the new cast members more screen time. [Huff Po]

Lady Gaga's world domination is almost complete, the singer amassing over 20 million Twitter followers. [Telegraph]

Ladies, ladies, ladies, step right up! Dude bro rapper – and ridiculous son of Tom Hanks – Chet Haze has Tweeted you the precious gift of his body. [Dlisted]