Customers` Nosiness Is One For The Books

September 06, 1992|By Judith Martin, United Features Syndicate.

Dear Miss Manners-My husband and I own a small bookstore in a trendy area where people often wander from store to store. We have no employees. I am constantly being asked private questions by strangers, ranging from my first name to how many children I have or how much I make from the store.

Never do I ask these patrons anything personal. I try to maintain a businesslike manner with them. They are probably simply trying to make conversation, but I`m a private-minded type, so it`s frustrating.

Also, there are the fellows who scare me with questions like ``Where do you live?`` or ``When is your husband coming back?`` This is a constant problem.

Gentle Reader-As you have noted, many of these people merely want to chat harmlessly. It is unfortunate that they are unaware of the rule of etiquette that should inhibit people from quizzing strangers or business acquaintances about their private lives.

Why don`t you say, enthusiastically and breathlessly, ``Oh, never mind about me-but we have a wonderful novel just in about a woman who

. . .`` whatever. Or ``Why don`t you tell me something about yourself, so I can find you a book you`ll enjoy?``

As for those fellows who don`t mean well, the answer to their question about your husband`s whereabouts should be ``He`s in the murder section.``

Dear Miss Manners-I am, unfortunately, a ``resident`` in a county jail and I am criticized by fellow residents for deporting myself in a manner befitting the outside world. I have not forgotten my basic manners and I do not wish to abandon them as so many others have done here.

My question is simply: Is being in jail sufficient reason for abandoning one`s manners?

Gentle Reader-Miss Manners trusts that you are only too familiar with the concept of ``time off for good behavior.`` And in preparation for your trial, your lawyer should have pointed out that good manners, while always an asset, are crucial to anyone in trouble.

Nowhere, and certainly not in jail, do good manners include emphasizing one`s superiority to others. Rather, living among strangers usually requires learning to adapt to prevailing practices that do not conflict with one`s morality.

But far from believing that being jailed is reason for abandoning manners, Miss Manners believes it to offer an incentive for practicing them.