Wednesday, January 26, 2011

not a rebuttal.

There are few things in the world that excite and intrigue me like the way the government of this great Union works (see how I did that?). Last night was President Obama's State of the Union Address and where this is not a rebuttal on any level, I still feel like it's my civic duty to inform you, oh great readers of the internetS, my thoughts and feelings about said address.

I think my thoughts can be best expressed in bullet form.

SEATING. What is this a high school lunchroom? People are talking about where people were sitting like Regina George (this is a "Mean Girls" reference) invited them to her table for lunch. I have a feeling it just made things awkward for people. I mean, come on...John McCain and John Kerry sitting next to each other? That was politics at its finest, not government working together at its finest. I wonder where the Tea Partiers sat...maybe they had their own section like the band jocks or something.

GABRIELLE GIFFORDS' EMPTY SEAT. The second Obama mentioned the empty seat in her honor the camera went directly to it where the dude sitting directly to its left immediately picked up his belongings from the seat. Dude, you were the only guy in the place with an empty seat next you. It was there for semblance, not to hold your shit.

"The future is ours to win." Apparently, all it takes to "win" the future is controlling the deficit and reforming government. Looks like the future is ours to lose now! What a dumb statement anyway. What does it even mean? Will we be taxed for our winnings, if we do in fact, "win?"

Google and Facebook (SHOUT OUT). It's no secret that I think the internetS is the greatest invention EVER. But, really, POTUS, this line, "...the nation of Edison and the Wright brothers; of Google and Facebook. In America, innovation doesn’t just change our lives. It is how we make our living." We are really going to compare Facebook to Edison? I'm rolling over in my grave and I'm not even dead.

Pipe Dreams. Apparently, college kids in California are developing a way to turn sunlight and water into fuel for cars. Listen, I get it...we need to find an alternative to oil, but...sunlight and water? I want my car to like, drive faster than I can walk.

Education. I'm a fan of social reform through education. Call me a Democrat, I don't care. The education system in this country sucks on almost every level. It's incredible that we have an education system that is free and available, but it needs some work. So, we're doing away with "No Child Left Behind" and implementing "The Race to the Top." I have a feeling lots of children are going to be "left behind" during this "race" to the top. Top of what?!

High Speed Rail. Great.

Spending Freeze. Right.

Jokies. Obama's team must not be very funny because the jokies he had in the speech fell awkwardly flat. People only laughed because the boss told the joke.

Joe Biden. Loved the fist pump, hated his constant smirk. Someone who smirks that much has to be mostly clueless.

Fashion. Obama and Biden both rocked the somewhat purple tie. Which begs the question: Royalty or bi-partisan? I want to go with bi-partisan. After all, if you mix red and blue you get purple! I learned that at Girls State 2001 (SHOUT OUT).

"We do big things." Damn straight! This is America! We've been doing it big since 1776! It's about time we took that on as our motto. "E pluribus unum" is great and all, but doesn't really speak to the hearts of Americans. If Congress wants to really make a statement they should start with putting "We do big things (since 1776)" on the seal.

Republican Rebuttal. Who was that guy? Was that the very best the Republican Party could do? Apparently, he's the chairman of the House budget committee. But, I have a feeling he was partially chosen because he's young and not ugly. Something a lot of Republicans don't have going for them. Can you say: broadening the party base? If I thought Obama was vague in his speech, then I don't even have a word for Ryan's rebuttal.

For the most part, I thought the speech was pretty decent. I mean, he didn't really tell me any actual plans that he has other than promising to "look at things" with the help of the Republicans. I hope he does look at medical malpractice and simplifying the tax code. And he if follows through even once on his promise to veto any bill that comes across his desk full of "pork," I'll personally write him a letter of gratitude.

a) number of times I laughed out loud while reading this: 7.b) i went to girls state and cried every day except for the day i did a government-themed rap at the talent show to the tune of "my humps." the governor gave her speech in a purple dress.c) you are funny. see (a) above.