I hope all are well and I want to say hello to everyone on the forums. Hi. I think I'm going to be a regular contributor and I have a lot of questions I want to ask so really would like to be steered in the right direction if anyone out there wishes to do that.

Thank you for reading this topic I greatly appreciate your desire to help me find the answers within.

Let me give you a little run down of who I am and why I'm here.

I am a 22 year old Englishman coming from what would be perceived as a privileged upbringing, privately educated and from a stable household, one older sister, working parents. Growing up I was a fun, happy going kid, although I was bullied, I have a scattered memory of it. I went onto university after school and I've had two relationships with girlfriends and am currently in one and have been for the past four years. Just trying to give you a little run down of me.

I'm here today though to discuss the voices in my head that I can't quite hear. To describe them more clearly, they are incredibly frequent and I spend still a vast amount of the day unconscious and struggle to break into the present moment. I have the self which talks to me all the time, however I really struggle to hear it sometimes yet I know it's talking. Sometimes it takes me quite some time before I can really concentrate on what is being said, I have to really relax to notice what I'm saying. The things that I hear are pretty generic, you're not good enough, you can't do that, you're not normal etc, but sometimes I struggle to hear most of what's said or cannot really remember what is said when I drift off into daydreaming. It's difficult to pinpoint what's being said.

So, does anyone have any experience of this and what it might mean? What might be the cause of it and does anyone have any idea of bringing it to the light so it can be dissolved?

It causes my volatile mood swings and I feel I can barely stop it unless I try to stay present all day (being an only task) which I can't do for practical purposes (holding down a job).

A further point which might link in is that as a child I used to see these very dark images when I closed my eyes, they were dark images that were sharp and vividly evil. They are very difficult to explain.

Anyway, as I said, has anyone got any experience of this? I feel like I have a lot to come out, I could go into further detail of feelings that I hate myself etc and feel like a failure which I have suppressed for years but I'll start with this.

eckharts_mate wrote:I'm here today though to discuss the voices in my head that I can't quite hear. To describe them more clearly, they are incredibly frequent and I spend still a vast amount of the day unconscious and struggle to break into the present moment. I have the self which talks to me all the time, however I really struggle to hear it sometimes yet I know it's talking. Sometimes it takes me quite some time before I can really concentrate on what is being said, I have to really relax to notice what I'm saying. The things that I hear are pretty generic, you're not good enough, you can't do that, you're not normal etc, but sometimes I struggle to hear most of what's said or cannot really remember what is said when I drift off into daydreaming. It's difficult to pinpoint what's being said.

So, does anyone have any experience of this and what it might mean? What might be the cause of it and does anyone have any idea of bringing it to the light so it can be dissolved?

I like the one where the voice says "there must be something wrong with me". Welcome to the forum.

There is nothing unusual about the berating voice in the head that is constantly second guessing and judging one's motives and actions. I suspect it comes from early childhood ingraining from parents and others who scold and punish us with never ending emotional no's, retorts and 'corrections'. We screw up so much in the eyes of parents, who we take our guidance from, that it's no wonder we doubt ourselves so intensely. Early habits of self-judgment adopted out of emotional pain can last a lifetime.

The thing is, you have to see them for what they are. Identifications that create a certain experience so long as they are given credence. Yeah, it sucks but it's what you have to work with.

I suggest you consider how they make you feel when they arise. To the degree it's painful and concerning to you you can be sure you are still invested in them as identifiers. See the truth about such admonitions. They are just bogus conditioning that you are now free to discount and ignore. They are patently untrue and in your heart you know it. When they become silly and laughable, as just so much old BS, you can begin to replace them with a self-perception and perspective that is one reflected and aligned with your true nature.

You know the Truth in your deeper awareness. Tap into it. Align with it. You are an eternal being created in love with infinite potential to enjoy life. Only you can choose where you will focus your attention and thereby create the experience you have in life. Believe the conditioning of your childhood (or wherever you adopted it) at your own peril. You are an unfolding and evolving soul. Where that evolving will take you is based on your focus of attention - at least in the human experience. Life is what we make of it. How cool is that?

Take these voices of condemnation as just noise leftover from old pain. Our emotions however, are pure gold. They will tell us how we are aligned. Painful emotions are an indication of being aligned with beliefs of self-judgments, separation and isolation. Emotions of love and joy and appreciation are indications that we are aligned with our essence, our true nature. There is no right or wrong in either. Only the quality of our experience.

Do you have some strategies for me to tap into this and overcome it? I have done periods of meditation with little real reward even though I feel I need it now. I have become withdrawn. I want to really address these emotions/thoughts that I have so I can bring them to the surface and become aware of them.

The general feeling I have most of the time is that I have a lot on my plate when evidently I don't.

I feel it is important to enjoy life. There is no need to withdraw and it's often counter productive. Meditation in its broader form can be done most anywhere and anytime. It's about becoming mentally quiet and openly inclusive of whatever conditions are present in the moment. In clear presence it is perceived that there is nothing right or wrong with what is, it is just the stuff of life unfolding in the way it has.

Don't look to meditation for a reward. That only sets it up for success vs failure. Ever greater clarity in being will come through time and experience. It's mostly about relaxing and being who you truly are beyond any words, definitions or identifiers. Whatever happens in the moment, when allowed to be and seen as it it, moves you toward greater clarity and understanding.

You are consciousness itself and everything you see is content that can be explored. You get to choose what you focus on and thereby energize in your life experience. The interaction you get with the conditions at hand is the stuff of expansion and the evolution of being. Again there is nothing right or wrong in the greater sense, and it is only our human perspective that makes it seem so.

Enjoying your aloneness is valuable, but not so much if it becomes isolating. The world is a wonderous adventure theme park with infinite possibilities. Explore. Interact. Enjoy. Appreciate. Love all you can. This is not an intellectual exercise or approach. It is intimately feeling your way through life, finding value in all your experiences. Your feeling nature, when honed properly, will guide you through life as it is the essential contact with your greater being. Cultivate it.

And be patient. Don't go constantly digging up the seed to see how it's doing. Growth is generally seen in retrospect, and that can often take years. Enjoy, appreciate, explore, interact, love. Doing this consistantly in the moment will produce the growth you seek. Trust it. It's always been so. And don't be concerned about setbacks. They are going to happen. It is just part of the process. Setbacks help teach us humility which is a key factor in growing wiser. Everyone messes up. Again, pay close attention to your emotions. They are truly gifts of life in guiding us through a challenging human experience. Learn to read them well, and to work with them to your advantage, and life will blossom for you.

Thanks ww for your response on this. I feel I'm having the shift but it's so strong that I might be going insane. I've gone from not being able to escape my thoughts to not being able to hear anything. I was walking through the park today like I was on MD or some other drug.

I feel I'm having the shift but it's so strong that I might be going insane. I've gone from not being able to escape my thoughts to not being able to hear anything.

So, "your" attention (you, as in awareness) had withdrawn attention from thought (mind) and thoughts stopped? Is that right? But, then thought came in and said, "wait a minute here, this is insane". The reason being your natural Self felt strong or unusual is because you're use to the fog of continuous thought streams and the pathways they lead you down. I know from experience

Yes, exactly, it was incredible to be fully relieved but only really lasted for a short period but I am practising to regain this as a conscious state.

I have two questions though which I'd love help on.

How long will/could it take "normally" to become fully conscious? I know this is probably a stupid question and depends on individual circumstance but from experience I've really clicked on this for about a month now and I've seen progress but wondering if there is a usual time scale?

Secondly, just back to my original question. Has anyone had experience of the voices in their head not being very clear? As in, I can barely hear them at times but I feel how strong, negatively they are. They become incredibly intense at time, but often it is almost without actual language? Sounds strange I know, does anyone have a possible explanation for this?

Also, I am having dreams about someone shouting at me to "shut the f*** up", very aggressively. I have no recollection of this happening in my life but I have woken up in the night to the voice of this. Is it possible that this has happened but I cannot remember it, maybe blanked out because of the suffering but now resurfacing?

If anyone could shed some light on this I'd be incredibly grateful. I feel I'm asking a lot, not giving a lot in return at the moment.... Happy to help others but don't feel I'm quite there to yet.

How long will/could it take "normally" to become fully conscious? I know this is probably a stupid question and depends on individual circumstance but from experience I've really clicked on this for about a month now and I've seen progress but wondering if there is a usual time scale?

There are no stupid questions, however there are questions that can't be answered and this is one of them imo. However, actually it takes no "time" to be or realize who you are, but it seems for most, including myself, it's a process of realizing, then forgetting, then realizing over and over...until the insight is clear and confusion is no more. You are the present moment, you are awareness of everything you perceive, including the mind/ego and body. However, as awareness we are accustom to putting attention on the mind and thoughts, so much so we think we are thoughs thoughts, that's ego. Start focusing attention on awareness itself, through self inquiry. If you can preceive it, then it's not you (awareness).

I want to give myself more time and improve the time I spend practicing presence, can anyone recommend a therapeutic teaching that is available in London? I kind of want to divulge further as a hobby of sorts......anybody know the type of therapy. I've heard of acceptance and commitment therapy..

How does Eckhart really have the scope to discuss his position on becoming awakened? His awakening came about by a point of depression/anxiety so bad it dissolved his ego/pain body. I'm being slightly harsh but why should I listen to him? Do I need to suffer more to become awakened? If so shall I deliberately make a choice to become more depressed so I have a better chance of awakening? The meditation and presence practice is quite frustrating to say the least.

Sure he can discuss his views on what it is like to be awakened but it seems slightly odd to take advice on someone who mainly preaches about how to become awakened when he himself didn't use any of the techniques he claims are the secret.

It's like taking advice from someone who wins the lottery about how to become a millionaire. Where are the people who have awakened without suffering or a milder form of suffering?

eckharts_mate wrote:How does Eckhart really have the scope to discuss his position on becoming awakened? His awakening came about by a point of depression/anxiety so bad it dissolved his ego/pain body. I'm being slightly harsh but why should I listen to him? Do I need to suffer more to become awakened? If so shall I deliberately make a choice to become more depressed so I have a better chance of awakening? The meditation and presence practice is quite frustrating to say the least.

Sure he can discuss his views on what it is like to be awakened but it seems slightly odd to take advice on someone who mainly preaches about how to become awakened when he himself didn't use any of the techniques he claims are the secret.

It's like taking advice from someone who wins the lottery about how to become a millionaire. Where are the people who have awakened without suffering or a milder form of suffering?

Forget awakening, no really, forget it. Now, whenever you can, shift your attention away from the narratives in your head and look to the actuality of what is happening. In this way you make yourself available for a seeing that is beyond concepts. That's the best you can do.

This is the stripped down essence of ET's teaching (and many other teachings.) It just so happened that in ET's case intense suffering apparently brought about this shift away from the usual repetitive patterns of mind.

Is it possible that someone like myself is using ET's teaching as a way of avoiding the truth of a situation whereby suppressing what's going on due to pain? I feel like sometimes I can justify what would be perceived as bad behaviour by quoting Eckhart or just being like - well Eckhart says this so it doesn't matter.

I'm finding I understand the concept of being present and how the awareness of what is is the way to come to terms with what is. I feel like I'm below thought though as opposed to being above it. My emotions are a bit dead, I'm not depressed but I'm just very bored/always feeling what I describe as fine. Not good or bad just fine.

Any help for getting above thoughts and allowing the real emotions to come forth?EM

Is it possible that someone like myself is using ET's teaching as a way of avoiding the truth of a situation whereby suppressing what's going on due to pain? I feel like sometimes I can justify what would be perceived as bad behaviour by quoting Eckhart or just being like - well Eckhart says this so it doesn't matter.

I'm finding I understand the concept of being present and how the awareness of what is is the way to come to terms with what is. I feel like I'm below thought though as opposed to being above it. My emotions are a bit dead, I'm not depressed but I'm just very bored/always feeling what I describe as fine. Not good or bad just fine.

Any help for getting above thoughts and allowing the real emotions to come forth?EM

Hey mate,

You feel like you're below thought as opposed to being above thought. Identification with thought is the problemo, because thoughts don't go above or beyond thinking, obviously.

As far as awareness of what is being the way to come to terms with what is. I guess that depends. If the idea of being consciousness is appealing only to the extent it gives you freedom to not deal with ideas you don't like but are nonetheless generating, without consciousness of what inspires that generation you will continually create bad ideas and the need to escape them. Even with consciousness of what inspires negative thinking you may still consciously engage in such exercise to the extent you can use fear, nightmares, and negative thinking to inspire better dreams or better living. I heard a great NBA player once say the reason he strives to be a champion is one thing, the fear of losing.

My point in all that is only to say that all too often awareness of what is not only isn't the key to salvation but the door to awareness of thought and emotional suppression. I'm not saying that presence is bad but only that it is the absence of the identification with your thinking which is perceived as good or better. But it isn't good or better from the standpoint of separation. It is good or better because that standpoint has been seen through and the suffering imposed on oneself by believing things can't get worse or must get better is gone.

As far as allowing real emotions to come forth. Before you mentioned a dream where you said, Also, I am having dreams about someone shouting at me to "shut the f*** up", very aggressively. I have no recollection of this happening in my life but I have woken up in the night to the voice of this. Is it possible that this has happened but I cannot remember it, maybe blanked out because of the suffering but now resurfacing?

You also mentioned dealing with dark energy and negative imagery as a child, and the title of your post is about not being able to hear the voices in your head. Then you mention this dream where someone is telling you to shut the flip up aggressively. As you're becoming more conscious and inquiring into thought processes, and dreams, you may notice pockets of identification and split mind thinking come to light. I find these pockets run intricately along the life experience and can sometimes possess roots deep in the collective unconscious. You may be dealing with malevolent spirit energy which is influencing you and sees your new found interest in Eckhart as threatening to its ability to control and manipulate you. Eckhart would refer to this as your pain body. As far as getting to the root issues, that would require deeper analysis.