LeAnn Rimes Has A Time Machine, Because She Finished Her 30-Day Rehab In 8 Days

I think I may have just solved a fundamental mystery of the universe. You know how all the conspiracy theorists say, “I be that time travel exists, just whoever invented it doesn’t want us to know about it yet”? No? You’ve never hears that? Well all the conspiracy theorists are saying it. Constantly. Anyway, I found out who that person is, the person who invented it. And it’s not who you’d think: it’s LeAnn Rimes, of country music and husband-stealing fame. I don’t know how she did it, but somehow she’s invented and put into use the world’s first time machine.

I know this because LeAnn recently announced that she was checking herself into rehab. (And no, not for chronic ‘smizing’, for anxiety and stress.) That was eight days ago, and the program was supposed to be thirty days, so the only reasonable explanation for why LeAnn was onstage performing a concert yesterday is that she actually completed the program but has just mastered the time-space continuum and came back from the future to give us a concert that we actually missed because she was still in rehab. Phew. You naysayers may say that she doesn’t have a time machine, that she just checked out of the program early and is going back, but to that I say, “Don’t be an idiot! Look at the evidence!”

Considering what LeAnn went to rehab for, I think it’s clear to all of us that she needs every moment there that she can get. She’s officially in for ‘stress and anxiety’, as I mentioned, but the catalyst was an episode of Twitter-bullying and LeAnn’s fears that her husband, Eddie Cibrian, was being unfaithful. I’m not saying that LeAnn Rimes is crazy, I’m just saying that if you’re famous and you find yourself placing a phone call to an unfamous someone who said something negative about you on Twitter, I’d say you should stay for the full thirty days of rehab. Which is a moot point anyway, because obviously LeAnn did stay for the full thirty days, but then she used her time machine to come back and reward us for our patience with a concert.

…and hop back on Twitter for a quick message to her fans. Don’t worry, guys, she’s totally fine and not addicted to Twitter at all. Read my lips: TIME. MACHINE.