Common Gymnastics Deductions

While we all watched Gabby Douglas triumph in Thursday’s gymnastics competition, many continue to be flummoxed by the sport’s esoteric, deduction-based scoring system. In hopes of demystifying the judges’s methodology, we offer a short but instructive guide to what, precisely, is being deducted when a gymnast steps off the mat.

Extra steps on landing: -.10

Insufficient height on leaps, jumps, and hops: (up to) -.20

Separating legs/knees: -.10

Humming: -.10

Early dismount: -.50

Late dismount: -.20

Perfect dismount, but only because of humming: -.20

Jazz hands: -.50

No jazz hands, but thought about it: -.10

Saving chalk for later: -.10

Fidgeting: -.10

Squirming: -.10

Winking/blinking: -.10

Thinking/feeling: -.10

Breathing through mouth and/or nose: -.10

Jazz hands “in your heart”: -.10

General muskiness: (up to) -.20

Unfamiliarity with the band R.E.M.: -.10

Just joking! That’s not a deduction. But as long as we’re on the subject, you should really check them out.

Inability to take a joke: -.30

Fondness for bok choy: -.10

Secretly wishing pommel horse was a real horse: -.20

Too attractive: -.10

Not attractive enough: -.10

Attractive, but lacking that je ne sais quoi: (up to) -.30

Certainty in the existence of a “higher power,” despite the fact that nothing, absolutely nothing, in the course of human history meaningfully supports such a conclusion: -.30

If that “higher power” is the band R.E.M.: +.30

Nicknaming balance beam “Cap’n”: -.10

Smiling/frowning: -.10

Smiling during handstand, so it looks like a frown: -.10

Winning: -.10

Losing: -.10

Yearning for a simpler time, when people were good to each other, and everything just seemed to make sense: -.10