Archive for August, 2009

Every once in awhile, in a desperate attempt to find inspiration, I start nosing around in my blog draft pile. Most of the abandoned posts in my draft pile are there for a reason. They’re unfinished, or unfunny, or just all-around lame- but every once in awhile, I find a post that has somehow aged well. Some bad blog posts are like a fine wine, I guess. For whatever reason, I didn’t like this post enough to publish it when I wrote it, but with a little distance, I find it amusing.

The date on the draft of this post is November 18, 2008. I don’t remember anything happening last season with the Bills that was so dramatically awful that it deserved this treatment, but I think this post corresponds with the Monday Night game against Cleveland. Seriously, I can’t believe I was this dramatic about it.

There is certainly nothing dramatically bad occurring with the Bills right now (other than extreme pre-season suck), and yet, this post seems somehow appropriate. I think this kind of borderline-condescending, pathetic sympathy is just funnier when there is nothing actually bad going on.

Side note: I can’t BELIEVE that Trent Edwards still has this haircut. Honestly, that is some misguided shit, right there.

So, without further ado, here is a blog post originally titled “The Bills Are Suckers, and You’re Too Good For Them”

The Bills Are Suckers, And You’re Too Good For Them, By Kate Bitz

One of the things I think I am good at is helping people through a rough emotional patch. Like, if your boyfriend or girlfriend turns out to be a sucker, I’d probably be a good person to call when you want to cry, drink, bitch, or be told you’re too good for him/her. If you want to be indulged in some old fashioned “He was the loooove of my life” style wailing, or just be distracted for the evening, I’m your girl. If you want to cry, I can handle it. If you want to be distracted, I’m willing to be a clown in order to make you laugh. If you want to be unreasonable, I will encourage your outrage until it stops being cathartic, and then I will help to calm you back down. I will indulge you in almost anything just so that you can get from one minute to the next until the pain is not so acute.

So, Bills fans, I say this next thing with love in my heart. I say this as someone who is looking at this situation from the outside, and as someone who has your best interests in mind. There are many things I will allow you to say and do today. You’ve had a really, really rough day, and you deserve to be pissed, depressed, and sad. You’ve earned the right to wallow. You are free to throw temper tantrums, and cry and carry on in all manner of undignified ways, but there is one thing (just one) that I will not indulge.

God does not hate Buffalo, and Buffalo is not cursed. That is hogwash and I won’t stand for it.

Now, let’s go get drunk, hit on bartenders, and cry until we laugh. Come on.

2. Speaking of Minneapolis, I’m going to the Minnesota State Fair tomorrow, which might possibly be the most redonk place on earth.

3. Speaking of redonk, the Coyotes. Yikes.

4. Speaking of yikes, Drew Stafford is still not signed.

5. Speaking of not signed, waiting to close on a house is lame.

6. Speaking of lame, my quilt pattern had a sizable mistake.

7. Speaking of a sizable mistake, I should never have resisted Mad Men for so long. If it turns out that Mad Men is actually super good, does that necessarily mean that The Wire is ALSO good? I’ve been REFUSING The Wire for years, but my resistance is weakening.

8. Speaking of weakening, I CAN NO LONGER PRETEND THAT HOCKEY ISN’T RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! IT IS! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! HOCKEY IS PRACTICALLY HERE!

One of my absolute favorite things about sports is how they provide common ground for people from all walks of life within the context of a fairly benign environment. I mean, sure, Bills fans hate the Dolphins, but that “hate” is just part of a game we sports fans play. The rivalry is not personal, and furthermore, it’s based on a bunch of freakishly large men throwing a little ball around on a field of grass. How hateful can we really be over such a thing? Even the craziest, most deep seated rivalries, like the Red Sox and the Yankees, are hogwash when it comes right down to it. The battle lines are created by the sports industry so that we can satisfy our natural urges to fight and defend, all within the walls of a carefully manicured arena. It’s a wonderful system.

I loathe politics. I feel a responsibility as a member of society to stay informed, and to do things like vote responsibly, but truthfully I struggle with even these simple tasks. I understand that someone needs to run the government, and I understand that everyday citizens need to fight for what they believe in, but I’ve always found the political world to be grueling and fundamentally disheartening. Like everyone else, I have my own set of strongly held political beliefs, so I try to stay informed, and I try to help out where I can, but for me, reading about and participating in politics is seldom easy, and never fun.

There seems to be a tacit agreement between sports fans- Let’s agree to disagree only about things of no real consequence. Let’s work together to preserve this bit of escapism that mimics war, but does no actual harm.

I know that ideologically, sports fans span every inch of the political spectrum, but I love how as a group we never really go there. I think this bit of naturally occurring self censorship is healthy, and I’m so grateful for the respite from constantly churning political machine. Good work, fellow sports fans.

1. In spite of the balmy, TOTALLY-not-hockyish weather, I’m really yearning for hockey now. A few days ago I drove to the arena to pay my Sabres bill rather than mail it, just because I felt like going to the arena. I spent a few minutes poking around the gift shop, and even though I found a hat that I liked, I didn’t buy it. Yet. I want an excuse to go back this week. It’s probably because of the excitement over my season tickets, but this summer feels like it is TAKING FOREVER. I feel like we’re in the home stretch though. Before we know it, it will be time for training camp.

2. Not only am I waiting for hockey, I’m also waiting to close on my house. I’ll most likely close right around when the pre-season starts. This is frustrating timing, because the BPO is in our annual downtime. I’m not working. All I’m doing is sitting around…waiting. Under normal circumstances, I’d go so far as to say I’m a gifted time waster, but it’s been hard recently. I’m wasting time, but I’m not enjoying it like I should. Heh.

3. Seriously, what the HELL, Drew Stafford? What is Darcy up to? We have too many Sabres right now, don’t we?

4. Shut up, Aaron Maybin.

5. I don’t really like it when someone tries to show me pictures from a vacation, but I’m perfectly willing to look at those same pictures on Facebook. I like looking at vacation pictures as long as it’s at my own pace and without the vacationer hovering over my shoulder being all, “That’s hike we took with so-and-so and blah blah blah blah.” Sometimes I just click from Facebook album to Facebook album to Facebook album until I’m looking at photos of strangers.

6. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious.

7. I just read on Puck Daddy that Patrick Marleau was stripped of the “C” in San Jose. I know this sounds crazy (because the Sharks are a good team and the Sabres are a bad team), but I’d honestly prefer our problems to theirs at this point. What is wrong with them? Isn’t the season just going to SUCK this year for them, no matter what? Even if they win the President’s Cup again, won’t the playoffs just be hanging over the organization like an ominously-teetering-anvil all year? That sounds awful. At least the Sabres are consistently sucky. None of this “playing really well until it really matters” bullhonky for us! No siree, the Sabres suck through and through, and that’s why we love ‘em….or something.

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