WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration confirmed tonight that Osama Bin Laden is in the C.I.A.

WASHINGTON – The Obama Administration confirmed tonight that Osama Bin Laden is in the C.I.A.

Fidel Castro, the aging Cuban revolutionary claimed today that Osama bin Laden is in the pay of the CIA and that President George Bush called upon the al-Qaida leader whenever he needed to increase the fear quotient in America.

The former Cuban president said he knows it because he read it on WikiLeaks.

The Obama Administration swiftly responded. Rahm Emanuel said, “President Obama is having ice cream with his family. He’ll get back to you on that on next Tuesday. And yes, he likes vanilla and chocolate.”

But Defense Secretary William Gates spoke with reporters and said, “Oh well, Fidel let the rat out of the bag. Osama bin Laden did work for the C.I.A. back in the early 1990s. He was an agent working out of Saudi Arabia. But we haven’t heard from him since and he hasn’t picked up his monthly check in over fifteen years.”

Gates also confirmed that Osama Bin Laden was in the Washington D.C. the night that George Bush told reporters at the Pentagon that he wanted to bring Osama Bin Laden in “dead or alive.”

Gates denied, however, that the thousands of pages of American classified documents made public by WikiLeaks pointed to who the al-Qaida leader as C.I.A. as Fidel Castro claims. “I don’t think Fidel could read one page, let alone thousands of pages at this point.”

It is possible that Osama Bin Laden – as a C.I.A Agent will capture himself and collect the $25 million dollar reward. It’s not clear whether Osama would bring himself in – dead or alive.

In other related news, Fidel Castro also told a Lithuanian reporter that he felt that humans would have to live on Mars by 2030. “This planet is going to burn up in the next ten years.” When asked how he thought humans would get to Mars, Castro said, “The Cuban Mothership.” He added that there would only be room for Cubans, Russians, Venezuelans and North Koreans on the ship. “Sorry, Americans, you’re not invited.”