Admirers, Devotees, Wannabes and Pretenders

On this page I use "him" or "he" frequently. As abasiophilia can be both a male and female condition, please understand the genders may be interchanged.

There are many people who
know, admire, or are attracted to, disabled people and for these
people this is nothing out of the ordinary at all. For some however, this becomes
an overwhelming fascination and the conscious and
sub-conscious focus on leg-braces and their users becomes so
great that it dominates an individual's daily life. It is
this condition that has been termed abasiophilia, which
is a class of paraphilia. The most recent version of the
handbook of the American Psychiatric Association, the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders,defines
paraphilia in DSM-IV thus:

"The
Paraphiliasare characterized by recurrent,
intense sexual urges, fantasies, or behaviors that involve unusual
objects, activities, or situations and cause clinically significant
distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important
areas of functioning."

Whether or not an individual
devotee's fascination reaches this stage depends on the degree to
which it dominates his life, health, sexual behaviour and mental
wellbeing. Thankfully, for most this stage is not
reached: the interest in leg-braces and their users is just a facet
of their life and not a dominating factor.

Although leg-brace
fascination most definitely occurs in women it is far more common
in men. It is more usual for the fascination to be for disabled women
than for disabled men, although this is not always the case. There
are certainly women devotees and wannabes and there are both men and
women who are attracted to, or at least fascinated by, leg-brace
users of the same sex. I am not a medical professional
or psychologist so hold no certain answers as to why this fascination
occurs but I have some theories and these are shared here and
elsewhere on this site.

ADMIRERS, DEVOTEES, WANNABES AND PRETENDERS

Leg-brace fascination may
present itself at several levels and in several ways depending on the
degree of fascination that a disabled person, and her orthopaedic
appliances, represents.

1. The Admirer

The admirer puts the disabled
person on a pedestal and sees her as someone to be admired for her
courage in overcoming a handicap. He is impressed by the way she
copes year after year with her disability and gets on with life so
well despite it. He may well seek work with the disabled community
and look for ways to genuinely help physically disabled people.
Indeed some people working in orthopaedics and orthotics have chosen
careers because of their admiration for disabled people. He may well
have an interest in things to do with the disability movement and
shows an altruistic and concerned interest in the issues of physical
disability. Perhaps he helps with charity events, fund raising for
polio eradication in the third world, or helping in the local
hospital.

He may collect images, books
and films showing people in leg-braces but he sees his motive more
of an interested observer than voyeur. He may justify his interest
as being almost on the level of scientific research. By studying
books and images he thinks he will be better informed and more able
to understand the issues and concerns of disabled people he'd like
to help.

By the norms of society the
admirer is perfectly acceptable. Indeed, he himself might be admired
as one who does good works in his community.

2. The Devotee

The devotee, for reasons quite
out of his control, takes an almost obsessive interest in looking at
disabled people. Although many are too ashamed of their feelings to
actively stalk disabled people they may do so in a clandestine
manner which is not obvious to the object of their gaze or to the
public at large. If the opportunity presents itself, they may
photograph their subject or even video them struggling to walk. For
the devotee seeking real-life sightings of people in leg-braces
becomes an obsessive, life-driving activity: it rules his thinking
and can dominate much of his free time.

With the exception of some
third world countries where diseases such as polio still exist there
are fewer opportunities nowadays to see people wearing leg-braces.
This contrasts greatly from the middle decades of the 20th century
when the sight of a child or adult in leg-braces was an almost daily
occurrence. So, the collection of pictures, books and films showing
leg-braces and people using them becomes the next best thing. Many
devotees have extensive collections built up over many years of
searching libraries, video shops and, latterly, the Internet. There
are Internet groups whose main purpose is to allow the sharing of
such material between devotees. Some devotees also turn to another
method of satisfying their need known as ES or electronic surgery.
Images of non-disabled people are electronically modified using a
computer image manipulation package to add leg-braces.
Alternatively, images already showing people wearing leg-braces are
doctored to show a new body or face.

3. The Pretender

The pretender is so attracted
to the state of disability that he feels driven to act out the
disabled lifestyle in some way, if only occasionally. He may make or
buy the accoutrements of physical disability - crutches, leg-braces,
a wheelchair - and act out his fantasy of being disabled. Often this
is a hidden activity done in the secrecy of the home. The more
daring and self-accepting pretender may venture into public places.
He may travel far from home to an anonymous city where he is not
known, to act out his disabled lifestyle. Being on the receiving end
of the curious stare becomes something to be sought. Internally, he
feels good about looking and behaving disabled. Sometimes this good
feeling is balanced by self-doubt and guilt over his desires to
pretend.

4. The Wannabe

For the wannabe the occasional
pretence of disability is not enough. He feels the overwhelming need
to be disabled. For him, life is unfulfilled and incomplete
unless he becomes a full member of the disabled community as a
physically disabled person. The leg-braces are the outward symbol of
an inner struggle with self-identity that isn't won until the
disabled state is achieved and he somehow "comes home" to
his "real" self. There are striking parallels between how
the wannabe feels and how someone with gender dysphoria feels - the
"I'm in the wrong body" crisis.

For many people there is some
oscillation between all of the above over time. Abasiophilia is not
restricted to leg-braces. Other examples are attractions to people
using wheelchairs, prosthetic legs and arms, spinal braces and
plaster casts. In fact abasiophilia is more common when linked to
amputees and cast users.

The important thing to remember
is that there is no choice in the above. The person feels
"programmed" to behave in this way and he has little or no
ability to alter his behaviour: much though he may feel ashamed of
his feelings, desires and obsessions he can do little about them.

WHY DOES IT OCCUR?

Almost all LDWs report that they
first became aware of their leg-brace attraction in very early
childhood. Most report that they were aware well before the onset of
puberty with ages between 4 and 10 being most common. In nearly all
reported cases there is some interaction with a person with a
physical disability. Usually, there is someone with polio or some
other disabling condition somewhere in the early life history of the
LDW.

There is some indication that
the early onset of abasiophilia is linked to attention seeking in the
young child. The disabled "other person" who is noted in
their recollection is often a neighbour's child who becomes disabled
by polio, is forced to use leg-braces and is seen as the centre of
special attention. This disabled child is singled out at school to be
helped get around, gets the extra gifts and toys, is given lots of
love and care. This is often contrasted against the lack of these in
some way or other in the case of the LDW to be. There is lots of talk
of "that poor child with polio" by the parents, friends and
neighbours.

A similar situation arises when
another youngster breaks a leg. For a period the child with the
broken leg attracts similar attention to the young child with polio.
He is in a plaster cast, is immobile, gets about with difficulty
using crutches, has to skip sport at school, is allowed special
treatment and given more attention than the norm. In some cases
breaking a leg oneself results in the same scenario - for a time the
child becomes the centre of attention and receives extra love and
care. Then, when the leg is healed, things return to normal and the
child notices the difference. He wishes the special attention could
go on and on.

The result of both of these is
an identification of disability as a means of getting attention.
Imprinted on the young mind is the belief that being disabled opens a
door to attention, care and love that may not be there without the
disability. This may be an incorrect association but the imprinting
is there and, remarkably, leaves its mark for decades to come. In a
few cases, this trigger occurs later in life but this is much more
unusual.

So, there is some evidence that
the trigger is childhood exposure to disability linked with some
degree of attention seeking at the time. It occurs at a pre-sexual
stage in the child's development yet, for many, it becomes a fixation
with a strong sexual element in later life.

The lack of sightings of people
using leg-braces almost certainly explains why the leg-brace LDW is a
phenomenon associated mainly with people in their 40s, 50s, or older.
These are the generations who saw the "poor, crippled, children"
having to deal with the damage caused by polio. The leg-braced child
was a relatively common sight in the 1950s when polio had still to be
beaten in the West. Today's children no longer see these sights. It
also helps to explain why abasiophilia is more commonly associated
with amputees or wheelchair users as there is a higher chance of
seeing these today than someone in leg-braces.

What cannot be ruled out is some
genetic predisposition to LDW behaviour in addition to the triggers
that appear to be common factors. In the same way that gender
dysphoria has a genetic element perhaps this is also true of LDWs?

A SEXUAL TURN-ON FROM LEG-BRACES?

For many LDWs a metamorphosis
occurs turning what was a childhood fear into an adult sexual
attraction for adult leg-brace users. Why is this?

Why does childhood exposure to
the world of physical disability turn into a sexual turn-on for many
in adult life? There are no easy answers but here are some thoughts.
There would appear to be at least two factors at work.

Firstly
there is a need to give love and care. This in itself can be a
sexual thing in a loving adult relationship.

Secondly there is the
aspect of vulnerability and domination. This is altogether more
difficult territory.

Although one must be careful not
to a generalise, research suggests that most LDWs are sensitive and
caring individuals. Such individuals need to express their caring
nature in a loving relationship and/or in altruistic good works in
the community. In a relationship with a disabled person the need to
love and care are met both in terms of a loving relationship and the
additional opportunities to help the person cope with his/her
disability. So, in theory, the sexual chemistry has a double
opportunity to work. But, there is some evidence in the literature
that things rarely work out this way. The disabled partner of the LDW
does not always match up to the image of the "perfect disabled
person" built up over many years of fantasy. There are notable
exceptions but sexual relationships do not have a history of happy
endings for LDWs!

Then there is the vulnerability
and domination aspect. Bondage is a strong turn-on for a surprisingly
large number of people although many would not like to admit this is
the case. Common in the bondage "scene" are leather leg and
body harnesses, straps and buckles, and the more complex and
restrictive the more is the turn-on. The similarity of bondage gear
to orthopaedic appliances is remarkable. Orthopaedic bracing has a
medical purpose whereas bondage is about restrictiveness leading to
sexual pleasure. It is no coincidence that what turns on those in the
bondage community is mirrored by LDWs with leg-braces.

Also, consider shoes and boots:
thigh-high boots with loads of straps, laces and buckles can hardly
be practical foot and legwear yet these have been the height of
fashion on and off for at least a century. They are as popular today
as they were in Victorian England. It is no coincidence that people
like Helmut Newton, the famous fashion photographer, chose in the
1980s to adorn his models in neck, back and leg braces. The soft-hard
contrast of smooth human flesh against the hard, sharp edges of the
brace causes confusion in the mind of the viewer and he does not know
quite how to react. What is certain is that the reaction is a sexual
one. All corsetry is by nature restrictive and at the same time
sexual. Women are prepared to accept "disabling" fashion in
order to attract and satisfy a mate.

Steve Dwoskin, the avant-garde
film director also understood the odd parallels between restrictive
fashion wear and the leg-brace in his famous dressing up scene in his
1980s film "Outside In". In the film his girlfriend dresses
in his long leg-braces. In an interview years later Dwoskin, himself
badly disabled by polio, admitted that this scene was triggered by
his wish to expore this strange contrast between the orthopaedic
appliances and something worn to be attractive to the other sex for
sexual reasons.

DO DEVOTEES WANT TO BE CURED?

If abasiophilia is such a cause
for self-doubt in so many people why don't leg-brace devotees and
wannabes rush to find ways of ridding themselves of their troublesome
obsession?

The usual answer is they do not
look for a cure because, for many, childhood leg-brace imprinting
evolves into a sexual preference in teenage and adult life. As we all
know, sex is both fun and pleasurable for most people but it is hard
to understand and explain why this metamorphosis of feelings and
emotions occurs.

There are some exceptions to
this rule though. Firstly, many LDWs feel very guilty about their
"little secret". Why this should be is understandable: sex
and disability remain a taboo subject even in today's enlightened
times although little by little this is changing. Whereas at one time
the idea of a disabled person having a sex life was thought of as
abnormal and to be stopped at all costs, times have thankfully
progressed. Today, a person with a disability is accepted as a full
and valued member of society with the same rights to sex and love as
anyone else. But attitudes still take a time to change and somehow
the idea that a person can be sexually attracted to someone with a
physical impairment is still viewed as odd by many.

So, the open discussion of the
attraction is clouded with a taboo that still lingers on. This
element of guilt means that many LDWs may be unable to discuss their
innermost thoughts and feelings with others, including their wives or
partners. There may even be open hostility if the matter is discussed
so their guilt is compounded and they feel the need to rid themselves
of the feelings in order to preserve their relationship. It may be
that the non-disabled partner feels threatened by a mate who would
really prefer sex with someone with a disability. Some relationships
survive, and even thrive, by using fantasy to help the devotee manage
his wishes. Others find the idea of a disability fantasy as abhorrent
and the relationship may be severely tested.

There is also an element of
self-doubt over the morality of taking sexual pleasure from the
misfortune of others. Although very few LDWs would wish a handicap on
anyone they have to admit that seeing someone struggling to move in a
heavy and ugly leg-brace is a powerful sexual thing for them. This
is, to say the least, confusing to someone who is trying to be
loving, caring and altruistic! So, the sexual pleasure is tainted
with guilt. The common pattern is to destroy all pictures, videos
etc. that have been collected over many years and try to start
afresh. It usually fails miserably and the old obsessions and drives
return again just a few weeks later.

In an ideal world LDWs would
like to enjoy their fantasy of seeing people in leg-braces, or better
still meeting and falling in love with such a person, but without
causing any hurt or distress in the process. This is especially
difficult when there are few leg-brace users to be seen and met these
days. Those that are seen then run the risk of being the subject of
voyeuristic attention with the clandestine photo or video clip being
the only way for the LDW to enjoy the "little secret"
later.

And the simple truth is the LDW
can't help himself. He is driven by his imprinted need to satisfy his
obsession and with this being, for many, a sexual thing, he feels no
real wish to be cured. The only limiting factor is his own confusion
and occasional feelings of guilt and self-doubt.

HOW DOES ONE COPE?

There can never be a simple
answer as this depends so much on the individual and his
circumstances.

The ideal situation is firstly
self-acceptance and acknowledgment by the person of the person
he is, not what he would rather be. Then, if the situation allows, it
is best to share his LDW feelings with someone, if only on the
internet anonymously. At least this allows discussion of what might
otherwise be a source of inner turmoil and heartache. It is often an
amazing surprise to find loads of others out there who share the same
thoughts and feelings. The many leg-brace devotee Yahoo groups have a
very large membership compared with that of many others indicating
that this fascination cannot be anything like as unusual as one might
have once thought. In the last year groups have started to
appear on the internet that aim to "build bridges" between
disabled people and their admirers and devotees and there is already
evidence that the old taboos and misunderstandings are slowly
beginning to be overcome.

The other important thing is to
find some way to come to terms with the way these drives work. For
many it is cyclic: there are times when the feelings are barely there
and life continues normally. Then, perhaps after a chance sighting of
a person in leg-braces, the feelings rise and rise and there may be
weeks of almost obsessional behaviour. At these times many hours of
the waking day are dominated by the obsession to the point that other
activities suffer. It is important to recognise this pattern and try
to avoid the obsession getting out of hand if at all possible.
Whether drugs to deal with obsessive-compulsive disorders help at
such times I do not know.

For some the collection of
images may be their only "escape valve". To an outsider the
collection of such pictures may be abhorrent but to the LDW it may be
a legitimate way of dealing with what otherwise would be an
unsatisfied need. Looking at pictures is, arguably, an acceptable and
non-intrusive activity as far as the disabled community is concerned.
The disabled community may view LDWs with suspicion as they fear that
they will be the victims of stalking, or worse. This fear is
legitimate although I think few, if any LDWs would ever want to harm
a disabled person, who is after all almost an object of veneration.
The LDW can look at the pictures and videos and satisfy his curiosity
without having to be a nuisance to disabled people.

Others go the whole way and
purchase leg-braces for their own use although many would probably
prefer to have their partners wear them. Many who do buy braces of
their own report that it is an enormous relief to wear them, if only
on occasions and indoors in the privacy of their own homes. It is as
if a curiosity has been satisfied and they at last know what it feels
like to be that child they so admired and stared at all those years
ago.

Others report that getting their
own braces leaves them strangely unsatisfied. They want to wear the
brace for real and not for play. Pretending is not acceptable. For
the wannabe this may be a really deeply seated feeling and perhaps it
really is something in the genes. Or, perhaps the imprinting in
childhood is so very strong that to become that disabled child is
what is really sought. Some have talked of survivor guilt - they
survived childhood without getting polio whereas their friends did
not. All those years later they feel the deep seated need to become
disabled to become the real "them" they feel they ought to
be.

COMMON TRAITS

This is a collection of
common traits that many leg-brace devotees and wannabes share. Do
they strike a chord with you?

Usually
starts well before puberty -most report first being aware of their
fascination for leg-braces, and people who use them, between 4 and
10 years old.

More
common with people aged over 50 who saw friends and family members
crippled by polio in their childhood.