OMG Boomers: We Are Destined to Become Chronically Ill by 2030 (If We’re Not Dead)

Your moment of durrrrr (apologies to Jon Stewart who features a “moment of zen” each program)

The worldwide leader in news gathering and investigative reporting, Community Newspaper Holdings Inc. (CNHI) is running some stories about getting old. CNHI includes such stalwarts as the Goshen Tribune, located in the Land o’ Goshen.

This series of stories by upstate newspapers in the Community Newspaper Holdings Inc. group examines exactly what these problems mean for our communities.

Lockport Union-Sun & Journal, Lockport, NY

The Journal-Register, Medina, NY

Niagara Gazette, Niagara Falls, NY

Tonawanda News, North Tonawanda, NY

The Daily Star, Oneonta, NY

The Press-Republican, Plattsburgh, NY

may be carrying the series so excuse me if you already have read this.

More than six out of 10 Baby Boomers will be managing more than one chronic health condition by 2030.

Yup, by the time we hit ages 66 to 82, we will have the dreaded “chronic health condition.” Lawdy Miss Clawdy! Build more hospitals, hire more nurses, expand the cemeteries, provide duo-core ambulances, we are gonna need all the resources we can muster.

Chronic! To the youngster that wrote this – and they are youngsters because CNHI can’t afford much more than interns and just graduated journalists – must equate chronic with critical.

Today students the word is chronic. Chronic means “long-lasting” or “recurrent.” Not to be confused with catastrophic which means “you are skee-rewed” or calypso which means “come Mr. Tallyman, tally me bananas.” “Sorry, Mrs. Sixty, it’s time to calypso Mr. Sixty.”

You see, students, some of you have chronic issues: alcoholism, STD’s, Hepatitis, Athlete’s foot, and AIDS.

[_X Steps down from lectern.

Actually 50% of all Americans have a chronic illness. So if by 2030, 60% of boomers have a chronic illness, hey, that ain’t bad.

I got a chronic illness, so I got my end of the stats covered. Osteoarthritis. What’s your chronic illness? And, no, AC/DC or OCD or ADD, or FEMA, or TSA, or CRS doesn’t count.