Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Class.

9/14They are so laid back here it’s a little ridiculous. I am so used to American schooling where everything has to be the exact way that it is and everything starts exactly on the time it’s supposed to. Here, we only really have one class that is similar to that experience (that’s our main film acting class by the casting director, Nancy Bishop).

Speaking of classes, I had to watch myself on film today. Oh. God. It was so upsetting because I didn’t lok at all how I fancy myself, nor did I look the way I look in pictures or in the mirror. I was so upset, though it didn’t completely affect my self image. That was a new thought. I could walk away thinking, “Wow, that was weird and made me feel ugly for a sec………okay, I’m over it.” I mean, my passport photo that I took for the 3 month tram pass was really pretty and looked nothing like the blob I saw on screen, so obviously, the screen was wrong. OBVIOUSLY.

Before I left, mom said that I was ready for this trip because I had been working on myself for so long. I mean, not that long (this summer), but long enough that she’d mention it and I realized that, in fact, that’s true. I am being conscious of what I’m eating, I’m making sure I get my exercise (although it’s not hard with contact improv in the morning for an hour, running around playing theater games for two hours and then walking around cobblestoned streets ALL. DAY.) and I’m taking care of my mental health by constantly checking in with myself. I feel sort feel invincible, which makes me think of “I Wish I Could Go Back To College,” from Avenue Q. Lolz!

9/15 THE VERY NEXT DAY…

Ok, so today in class we did acrobatics AND fight choreography with absolutely NO instruction. What the fuck? That just makes me feel super uncomfortable. But I like the teacher (I don’t want to get him in trouble) but that was SO wrong AND someone got kicked. It was ridiculous. Like, what do I say? Who do I talk to? I really liked that teacher and I really liked the teacher after him until I realized she basically only had one thing to say ever. Okay, maybe three. But she says them over and over and over. My movement teacher is sexist and I think the general feeling is sexist, which brings me to my next big point which is: I DESPERATELY NEED A GSA. I either need to look up where to find LGBT+ support or I need some kind of therapist while I’m out here because the sexism is high and I don’t feel comfortable being an ‘alternative lifestyle’ kind of gal. Now I’m waiting for someone to serve me (they take their sweet old time here!) … I suppose this is the moment where the rose glasses come off and I’m left with a picture of what things really are. I’m not saying I hate it. I’m just a little bit more skeptical.