Wednesday, December 7, 2011

“Venus Needs Men!”

My lovely wife and I played a game of Battleground Weird WWII the other weekend where a Venusian raider party descended on Earth to get a bit of tail and bring them back home to continue on the species. Below is how the invasion of the horny alien bitches went down.

The Venusian Raiding Party consisted of a Royal Princess along with 10 Venusian Cows and a Bull-handler with two Venusian Bulls.

The Venusian's target was a small force of American Paratroops entrenched at their CP. The Paratroopers consisted of 2 Paratroops fitted with Gorilla armored mechanical suits, 2 BAR teams, a Bazooka team, the CO and his RO along with 5 other Paras.

The battlefield was located within a clearing in a thick wood with the Americans in a prepared entrenched position. It is cold and nighttime with all Night Rules in play.

The battle opened with the forward LP reporting movement coming in fast and then the message was cut off. Then the night’s silence is broken with the sounds of gunfire from the LP. The Paras man the ramparts and prepare for an attack.

The Sarge fires a flare just as the Para from the LP emerges from the treeline, screaming. Just as the man was about to leap from the train track embankment, a huge monstrosity emerges from the shadows behind him. With a massive claw he is grabbed in midair as if a rag doll.

Stunned by what they are seeing, the Paras open fire on the monster. The small arms ricochet uselessly off the Bull’s harden carapace.

Then the monster disappears as fast as it appeared and the captured Para’s screams slowly dissipate into the forest until only the wind can be heard blowing through the trees.

In the darkness, the Venusian Bull throws the unconscious Para at the feet of his Princess and reports the location of the other Paras. A fang-filled smile crosses her face as she gives the order to bring more suitors to her feet. The signal is sounded and numerous shapes in the darkness move for the unsuspecting Paras.

The Paras hear the approaching inhuman screeches of the Cows and a flare is fired off. As the flare ignites, the Cows emerge from the treeline on the right flank.

One of the BAR teams opens fire and two of the aliens fall to the forest floor with a blood-curtailing scream.

Then suddenly, more Cows emerge from the left flank and are met with deadly fire from the Paras. Two more aliens fall from the combined fire of the other BAR team and the rest of the Paras small arms.

Undeterred, the remaining Cows reach the trench. Some of the Paras break from the horrific sight before them.

But before the freaked out Paras get far, they are rallied by their Sargent as he dispatches one of the Cows with a rifle grenade. “GET BACK TO YOUR POST AND GIVE ‘EM HELL!”

Suddenly, a Bull emerges from cover and charges for the trench line. The Sarge calls up the Bazooka team as he opens up on the monster with his Thompson.

The Bazooka fires and the rocket smashes into the Bull, head on. The monster staggers and then stumbles back into the darkness with a grievous wound.

Meanwhile on the right flank, the Cows continue to try and overrun the trenches but are met with deadly combined fire from the Paras.

Two Cows make it to the trench and one of the Paras is knocked out and thrown on the back of his assailant.

The other Cow covers her sister’s escape by engaging the Gorilla-suited Para.

The combat is brutal but the alien’s claws overwhelm the Para with a fatal slice to the throat. The Cow revels in her victory with a victory scream.

Her victory is short-lived as the BAR avenges their comrade’s death with a volley of fire that rips the alien in two. Unfortunately, the other Cow has vanished in the darkness with her male prize.

Back on the left flank the paras try to neutralize the other Cows with a couple well placed grenades but the attack falls short.

Two Cows leap into the trench and engage the Paras with their massive claws. One Para is knocked senseless as the other in the Gorilla suit makes for a more formidable opponent.

Sarge empties a full magazine of .45cal in the back of the alien who is fighting with the Gorilla. The monster falls limp to the trench floor.

Turing their attention to the Cow fleeing with their pal, the Paras don’t realize that their fallen foe is only wounded. Before they can react to the threat, they are immobilized with strikes to the head with her massive claws.

Then suddenly, another Bull emerges from the darkness and the Bazooka takes aim. The gunner is knocked off his mark from the sudden combat to his left and the rocket fails to hit the Bull.

The Bull charges forward and enters the trench all the while taking fire from the BAR in the bunker. Horrified by their ineffective fire against the Bull, the Paras in the Bunker break at the sight of the beast hauling up their friend in the Gorilla suit onto its back.

The CO grabs the fleeing Bazooka gunner and orders him to follow. Reluctantly, the Para follows his CO back into the fray.

The CO loads the gunner with a rocket and gives the order to take a shot at the Bull fleeing with their comrade.

The rocket flies straight and true and smashes into the back of the Bull. The creature stumbles with a scream but manages to stay on its feet and disappear into the darkness along with its prizes.

Somewhere in the darkness, the Venusians revel in their booty and scream with ecstasy at the long journey home with their new toys.

Here is the post battle pic of the table. Amy really kicked my ass in this one! She only needed to capture 3 Paras but ended up getting 6 by battle's end. The darkness really hampered my defense along with the Cow’s and Bull’s speed and toughness. It was an overwhelming victory for the sex-mad space vixens and they will most certainly enjoy the ride home with their new boyfriends. I wish I could say the same for the Paras.