Not much is known, yet, about the motives of a New York man who poured gasoline into Starbucks Frappucino bottles, stuffed toilet paper into the top as a wick, and proceeded to fling lit firebombs at a Hindu temple, a Muslim community center, a bodega, and possibly two private residences on New Year's Day.

But today the NYPD released video of the unidentified arsonist wreaking havoc with an incendiary device constructed from a vessel that a globally dominating American corporation created for the purpose of transporting overpriced empty calories the world around—and, hmm, I suddenly find myself without the willpower to finish that sentence. I look forward to seeing you caricatured in a future Don DeLillo novel, anonymous arsonist from mocha latte hell.