Ah, ASUC elections … how we will be so happy miss thee when the week ends! We know everyone is always pushing for democracy and fair elections and informed voters – but we say, why vote on the issues when you can vote high school yearbook style? So here are the Clog’s ASUC superlatives. It’s not about who we think we should win, it’s about who has the best singing voice! You mean ASUC elections don’t work like the show the Voice?

Biggest flirt: Connor Landgraf (candidate for President with Student Action)

We all know that frat guy stereotype, and apparently the girls are swooning (although some disagree on that regard). Every politician flirts with the masses, but we’d say Mr. Landgraf seems like the type to be a heartbreaker. I mean, he didn’t invite US to the date party. Our only advice is, tuck in that shirt boy, and keep it classy.

Best hair: Elliot Goldstein (candidate for President/Chancellor with the Cooperative Movement Party) with honorable mention to Honest Chung (candidate for President with Students for a Democratic University [SDU])

Best hair was a difficult choice, but when it comes down to it, Elliot Goldstein has got it going on – in the hair department, excuse us. Look at that facial hair! It is an art. But we have to mention those sexy green highlights that Mr. Chung reps. We’ll be the democratic university to that student. *wink* read more »

It’s the Friday evening before ASUC election week, which can only mean one thing — and I’m not talking about Beat the Clock! It’s time for The Daily Californian’s annual Candidates Forum. Hundreds of students have gathered in Chan Shun Auditorium to hear how the executive hopefuls plan to “serve … every student, every year.” Of course, CalServe and Student Action won’t be the only parties represented. There are a whole slew of independent and third-party candidates present such as Squelch! andDAAP. Stay tuned to this joint live blog with Daily Cal Opinion for consistent (and perhaps snarky) commentary about the candidate’s platforms and presentation.

SQUELCH! announces its executive slate, which is full of familiar, self-proclaimedly intoxicated (Cough, Sarah Jeong at the elections forum last year, cough) faces. [Daily Cal]

We might also have forgotten to post Student Action’s slate. Sorry about that. The only really exciting thing you missed is that the EAVP candidate’s name is Bundit Kertbundit. “Bundit like Beckham,” anyone? How about “Bundit the pundit”? [Daily Cal]

So what was up with those weirdos on Sproul today with the blue recycling bins? Oh, that’s SQUELCH!–just smile and move along, folks. Earlier today party chair Andy Morris e-mailed us a schedule of events for Upper Sproul Plaza:

Spring Break is over, but the ASUC parties are just getting started with their full-scale campaigning. As some dude we overheard today aptly put it to a presumably freshmanic companion, “You haven’t seen anything yet. Today is just day one.” Yikes? read more »

*It’s been burning on Angel Island since 9 p.m. Yikes. SFist has already posted views of it from different parts of the bay. We sincerely hope all the campers were able to G.T.F.O. in time. Apparently they were moved to Tiburon?

*Not to make light of a serious subject, but speaking of “flaming,” the SFBG Music Blog just posted its fourth installment of the Gayest. Videos. Ever. Trust us, they’re pure dance-worthy excellence.

*A new issue of The Heuristic Squelch came out this week. Get the PDF version here, if you want to save paper. Or if you’re fundamentally against accepting things from people on Upper Sproul Plaza.

*Aw, man … And just when we thought Gavin Newsom was like, the hottestthing alive, he has to go all conservative on our asses. Tisk, tisk.

The new Heuristic Squelch is out this week, and the comedic team will pass out issues from chair central near Sather Gate. We feel especially inclined to mention this after one Squelch-er told us we had a nice dress. That’s how it’s done.

“First the University wanted to remove trees, so we had to protest by sitting in trees. Now the University wants to remove tree-sitters, so we have to protest by sitting on the tree-sitters already in the trees. It’s the next logical progression,” said Save The Oaks organizer Robert Larson, struggling to balance atop a fat man.

ASUC candidates have infiltrated Upper Sproul Plaza, and now the real go-getters are posting their videos on YouTube.

SQULECH! seems to have a good grasp of the power of video: no special effects (or even moving cameras), just pure comedy and a dash of politics rhetoric. Above, Senate candidate John Moghtader promises you won’t have to wait “schlong” for change.

P.S. Speaking of schlongs, did SQUELCH! do the requisite vibrator races yet? They smoked out Sproul, but it’s not campaign season until you see cheap buzzing sex toys slide down a homemade ramp.

OK, we know ASUC candidates will do pretty much anything to grab another vote, but yesterday these guys from SQUELCH gave a whole new meaning to the term “low blow.” Situated in such a way as to be dangerously close to blocking traffic through Sather Gate, the two men sat on Upper Sproul Plaza, calm as caterpillars, smoked hookah in an effort to “smoke out partisan politics,” and invited others to join the fun. They also had a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, but we’re not sure if those were for sharing, too.