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Wednesday, December 4, 2013

I remember my first NHL game, playing goalie for the LA
Kings.Let me rephrase that: I remember
my first game playing on the LA Kings practice rink.

Martin Jones, an undrafted goalie, was supposed to make “the
leap” to the NHL last season.Unfortunately
for Jones, a number of circumstances led to him playing the entirety of last
season with the Manchester Monarchs, the Kings’ AHL affiliate.First, Quick didn’t exactly fully recover from
off-season back surgery, which led to more playing time for Jonathan
Bernier.Second, Bernier saved the Kings
shortened season with his outstanding play, thereby causing Lombardi to think
twice about trading him mid-season.Third,
Jones took a step backward and didn’t have the season in the AHL the Kings management
thought he was going to have.But once
Bernier got traded this past offseason, it was a foregone conclusion that Jones would be starting the
season backstopping Jonathan Quick.

Since the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be when I was
old enough to form memories was a hockey goalie, I think I’ll spend an entire
post commenting on the NHL debut of Martin Jones.

Thoughts on Martin Jones:

I’m too lazy to research whether any NHL team currently
fields two undrafted goalies, but I’m going to guess no. (Does the tandem of Dubnyk and LaBarbera count? Low blow, I know. But Babs was a former King whom I supported during the Dark Years, so quit your whining.)

First Period:

Wow, I love the mask:

Martin Jones's mask for the 2011-2012 season. The 2013 version is very similar.

This has to be one of the sickest masks by an LA Kings
goalie since Quick rocked the throwback Rogie Vachon.

Jones is not aggressive playing the puck, which is pretty
much consistent with the LA Kings School of Goaltending.

What’s the longest a goalie has gone in his NHL debut
before seeing his first shot?You might
think it’s pretty nice not seeing your first shot almost 10 minutes into the
first period, but it sucks since you never get to establish a rhythm.It really doesn’t help when your first save has
to come against Saku Koivu, all alone in the slot.Jones comes up with a brilliant save, positioning himself perfectly.You might think it’s luck
that Koivu didn’t elevate the puck higher, but Jones went all or nothing with
the poke check and kept his glove positioned above his pad to make the stop and prevent any rebound. First test passed. For a goalie, there is nothing worse for your psyche than letting in a goal on your first shot, regardless if it's your NHL debut or not.

You have to love the Kings and their defensive style of
play, especially on the penalty kill.They lay out, block shots, tip pucks wide, play the body and make the
other team earn every pass, they do all the right things.

Jones is 6’4”, 189 pounds.So basically, he’s like a taller version of myself. And
younger. Yeah, that's probably where the differences end.

/checks self in mirror, does 100 pushups.

Jones plays pretty deep in his crease against point shots.Not quite Lundqvist deep. And thankfully he’s not skating
to the faceoff dots to stop shots from the blue line like Tim Thomas.So
far, Jones reminds me of a bigger version of Bernier.And it’s not because Jim Fox has said three
times already that Jones is “calm and cool” in the net, something that Bernier oozes.

Shots 6, Saves 6.

Second Period:

I’m not sure I understand the Ducks’ strategy of only
taking shots during the second half of each period.

Is there anything more impossible to stop than a wrist
shot from Carter? Kings lead 1-0.

Shit, a good save from Jones but not enough defenders to
prevent Getzlaf from batting it in the back of the net.Jones did what he could on that original
shot, but three Ducks crashed the net and only Willie Mitchell was there to prevent any
second chances.Credit to Getzlaf for
crashing the net.No credit to Getzlaf
for squeezing into that orange cone of a Stadium Series jersey. Tied 1-1.

Okay, I know Jones is 6’4” and I know, technically
speaking, he can play deeper in his crease than someone like Bernier, but it’s
giving me a fucking heart attack.Quick snap
shot from above the circles and Jones, playing within probably a foot inside
his crease, barely gets his shoulder on it, deflecting it into the corner.That one definitely caught him off guard.

Great save by Jones against Penner off a 2-on-1 rush,
produced by a sloppy Kings giveaway during 4-on-4 play.Penner made a nice play by faking the deke
and trying to slip it tweeners on Jones.You gotta love how composed Jones was on that play, making the save look
easy.But thank god Penner didn’t have
more skill like, oh I don’t know, Kopitar:

4-on-3: Jones got lucky on that one.He’s in a half-assed V-H position and his
stick barely stops that sneaky shot by Bonino, leaving a fat rebound that Jones manages to cover.Whatever, it’s better to be
lucky than good.And I’m pretty sure
that’s the kind of attitude it takes to make it to the NHL.

Jones with an excellent save on Selanne, coming out past
the crease to cut down the angle.The
Kings are monster penalty killers, but Jones still had to make 4 saves on that last kill.

I know I intended to talk exclusively about Martin Jones,
but how invisible has Dustin Brown been this season?Seriously, if Sutter scratched him, would we
notice?

Shots: 11, Saves: 10

Third Period:

I’m loving how aggressive Martin Jones is with the
poke-check.I haven’t seen a Kings
goalie like that since Robb Stauber. Okay, maybe Jones isn’t quite that
aggressive.

A complete breakdown on the penalty kill leads to a Ducks
goal.Da-Wight King had TWO clear chances
to clear the puck, but instead hesitated as if to say “YOU clear it!” The puck finds Perry all alone in front of the
crease, he freezes Jones, and properly finishes.Jones with no chance on that one – welcome to
the NHL, kid. Ducks 2-1.

Dustin Brown: Just when I think I’m out… he PULLLLLLLLS
me back in.(But we all know Brown’s
shot was going three feet wide.) Tied 2-2.

Wow, Bob Miller just said the Ducks have 23 shots after
almost 50 minutes of play.That seems
pretty high – I was thinking the Ducks had something more like 16 or 17 shots
on goal.

I know the action has been exciting, but I’m sweating
balls over here since the Kings are basically just giving the Ducks every
offensive break in the third period.Thankfully, there haven’t been too many quality chances, but I’m waiting
for the hammer to drop.With this sloppy
play, I’ll be happy to grab a point and take our chances in overtime.

Great save by Jones after he botches stick-handling
behind his net.Then Perry with a
dick-move, shoving his blade into the chest of Jones after Jones clearly made
the save.Perry did the ol’ “I was pushed
into the goalie!” routine – except no one was within 3 feet of him.

Okay, one minute to go in regulation and this game is
proving that a playoff series between these two teams would shave 10 years off my
life. Thankfully, I plan on being black-out drunk by the time I enter Dodger Stadium in January, which will probably only shave off 2 years of my life. Win-Win!

Penalty kill with 28.7 seconds left in the game.At this point, Jones is probably doing
breathing exercises and chanting “Serenity Now.”The Ducks get two great chances, but can’t
find the net.Jones earns a point in his
first NHL game.Not a bad debut,
especially against the second place team in the Pacific.

Shots: 10, Saves: 9

Overtime:

Sweet, another penalty.Can we call a timeout and inspect all of Corey Perry’s balsa wood
sticks?

Penner takes an interference penalty and all hell breaks
loose with how many skaters need to be on the ice.I’m sure everyone in the arena paid good
money to see all the refs and coaches point three or four fingers at each
other.

Jones with an easy (but pretty!) glove save on Lovejoy’s
shot from the point.Harmless, but good
to see Jones challenge the shooter beyond his crease.I wonder if Billy Ranford had a conversation
with Jones after the first period.

Kings with some unreal chances in overtime, but can’t
finish.This is the most effort I’ve
seen from the Kings in a back-to-back.The Ducks bring out the best (and worst) of the Kings.Regardless of the outcome, I think this game
proved to any doubters that next year’s Stadium Series game at Dodger Stadium
is going to be memorable.

Shots: 1, Saves: 1

Shootout:

Perry: Sweet move, Perry.Goes wide, probably kisses the boards, then drags it and sends it off
the post.I’m concerned how deep Jones
was in his net when Perry had his stick face open all day long.

Getzlaf: Hahaha, not even close.Sweet move, Getzlaf.

Bonino: Does Bonino know he’s in a shootout?It’s like someone was controlling him in NHL
13 and simply pressed the “shoot” button.What a joke.

Koivu: No way Koivu scores even if he didn’t fumble the
puck at the last minute.Jones with the leg
extension, but Koivu with the miss.

Selanne: I feel ill right now.Sweet save by Jones.He stands his ground and stops the tweeners
shot.Man, that was a lot closer than it
originally looked.

Penner: I really feel ill right now.Haha, same move he tried on the 2-on-1 back
in the second period.Jones closes up
well, moving side-to-side.Solid fundamentals
from Jones, not overreacting to anything.

Palmieri: Great low pad save by Jones.Jim is right – the Ducks realize they’re not
gonna fake out Jones, especially with how he doesn’t bite on any fakes.

Perreault: Hahahaha, nice try.Were you asleep when Dustin Penner tried his
shootout move?Grind some film, buddy.Jones ain’t gonna open up for you.Better luck next time, Ducks.

What an absolutely outstanding game and a night Martin
Jones will never forget.He was solid in
net, wasn’t tested too much (except for that first shot on goal), didn’t let in
any soft goals, and came up huge in the shootout.At this point, if I’m Dean Lombardi, I’m telling
Quick to take all the time he needs.

Congratulations, Jones, you earned your first NHL win in
spectacular fashion.You know who else
won his NHL debut against the Ducks?Just some kid named Jonathan Bernier.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Game 16 and I think it's time for a (semi) live blog. Check back here after each period for my thoughts about the game. As for my pre-game thoughts? Jim Fox's tie is STELLAR. I'd have more pre-game thoughts, but the wife is pestering me for fantasy football advice in setting her lineup. THIS SHIT DOESN'T COME FOR FREE.

See you all after the first period.

--

First period:

Julie Stewart-Binks with SeanOD.Is Julie a poor-woman’s Brooklyn Decker?(That’s supposed to be a compliment.)

It’s weird – this afternoon, I was looking at my
collection of signed pucks and, naturally, focused solely on the puck signed by
Sean Avery.And all I could think about
was how big his smile must have been when he heard the news that Torts got
fired from the Rangers.I’d show you his
tweet but that would involve extra work that my body is not ready for at this
moment.

The only way I could hate the new LA Kings pump-up song
is if you told me it was composed by The Bouncing Souls.

Jim Fox commenting about how dynamic the defensive pairing of
Muzzin and Doughty are – they’re definitely dynamic at giving me heart attacks
when they both jump in below the hash marks and/or shooting the puck into a foward's legs.

Yikes, first monster save by Quick.I’d prefer not to see too many of those
tonight, since that generally means our defense is atrocious.

Look at Luongo maintaining his perfect butterfly stance
while the Canucks break it out behind his net. #Dedication

Canucks are putting tons of bodies in the crease.Smart, that’s how you throw goalies off their
game.It also means our defense is not
making the Canucks pay the price for parking in the crease.This is going to hurt us if this
continues.

Barf, this is sloppy.Quick robs Kesler with a Timmy Thomas-esque save to keep this at
zeros.Since when did our defense look like
the Oilers’?

Jim Fox with a “Sutterella” gaff – and suddenly creates
the most perfect name for a rock band.Or 80’s tribute band.

Not gonna lie, Luongo’s mask is “so Monet” – you know, good
from afar but far from good.

Someone plows into Quick but Williams with a break and
sends it to Kopitar for the easy go….oh man, HOW did Kopitar miss that open net…
It literally does not get easier than that.I love Bob Miller calling himself out for prematurely saying he scored.

Wow, Linden Vey displays shocking skill to set up the
most beautiful assist I’ve seen in a very long time.And a sick finish by Nolan- that wasn’t a gimmie.But seriously, did Vey just promote himself
to the first line? “Move down the line,
MiniMe.”

You know, I’ve been considering it for almost two years,
but I’m about one more Nolan goal/assist/fight away from buying his
jersey.Thoughts?

I simply don’t understand why Martinez was scratched the
first 1,308,492 games of this season.Does he do a killer Darryl Sutter impersonation?Did Sutter find out?

Does Vey play roller hockey during the offseason?He’s sporting some sick dangles. Maybe he just crushes film of Datsyuk?Speaking of grinding film, does anyone know
who’s the “Gruden Grinder” of the NHL?Bylsma?

In video game lingo, the second half of this game has
just been PURE OWNAGE.Sorry, PURE
PWNAGE.Richards is the king of
stop/start.Remember that “distinct
kicking motion” goal that fucked us at the beginning of the season?Well, here’s the Toronto War Room litmus test
– because this is absolutely a good game.But seriously, Toffoli, you gotta bury that gift.

Is it too soon to pick up Vey on my fantasy team?

The Kings got bailed out by Quick in the first half of the period and then suddenly realized they're Cup contenders by turning it on for the last half. I'm predicting the usual Kings strategy of dogging it in the second period, only to finish strong in the third. The Gingers have been awfully quiet, but that won't last. Speaking of quiet, where the hell has Dustin Brown been? No hits, barely any touches... if they air his #FOMOH commercial, he'll have more commercial air time than actual ice time. Our Captain, ladies and gentlemen.

Stay tuned for the second period commentary!

--

Second Period:

So, I was watching NHL Network this afternoon and turned
on to the Bruins v. Leafs game.The announcer
was talking about the Leafs and how Frattin was looking good.I was like “Yo, you got the wrong guy,
Frattin doesn’t play for the Leafs anymore.”But then I realized it was a replay of last year’s Game 7.The lesson?Fuck the East.

Quick being Quick. Burrows being Burrows.
Can we stop this bullshit about how Howard or Miller is gonna start for
Team America next year?It’s Quick’s net,
end of story.Howard is soft and Miller
is mind-fucked. And Timmy Thomas is….
hahahahaha, sorry, I just can’t.

Okay, that’s the second time Quick has failed to secure
the rebound, with the puck hovering dangerously in the crease.I know this because I do this ALL the
time.Maybe it’s time to get a new
mitt?Oh, and Jim Fox just mentioned it,
too.

You gotta love Doughty and how aggressive he is.He dangles from the point, takes two steps,
fires off a great shot, but keeps skating to the net in case the rebound comes his
way.Most defensemen would snap the shot
and then immediately peel off back to the blue line.

I haven’t watched the Swedish version of The Girl Who
Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest, but I imagine the
villains are played by the Sedin brothers.

Kings fail to clear the zone and pay the price.Look at that, all five players are behind the
hash marks.What a joke.To Quick’s credit, that was a laser.Canucks on the board, Kings still up
2-1.

Can we please give Toffoli an 8-year max contract
already?What hustle to set up the
beauty by Mike Richards.Oh, and Dwight
Kings… just when I thought I was out, he pullllllllls me back in.And I really hope Luongo is not injured –
that would cheapen this victory by the Kings.[looks around to make sure I didn’t just jinx us… cause jinxes are totally
visible…]

Too late to pick up Mike Richards for my fantasy
team?It’s pretty sad, really.I don’t have ANY Kings on my fantasy
team.Seriously, one

Okay, that’s it – I’m getting a Nolan jersey.Way to step up.And that’s why fighting is and should remain
in the game.You can’t change my opinion
about fighting in the game – I’ve witnessed too many cheap shots to my
teammates go unpunished due to strong penalties for fighting.

Oh, and great call, KC.Only one more Nolan assist for a Gordie Howe Hat Trick.OH PLEASE!!![queues up credit card, opens nhl.com]

Voynov with the grind and possession, Kopitar with the
unreal fake and sick pass, and Williams with the top-shelf finish.Just pure beauty.And I love that little fake by Kopitar to
draw Luongo down and open up the upper corner.

OH NO!!! If you recall, the Kings DO NOT do well against
mid-game backup goalie changes.

Oh my god, this is seriously unbelievable.Who knew the Kings possessed this kind of
skill.At least three times on that 2 on
1, I was like “Oh, you fucked this up.”First, when Toffoli rocked too many dangles; second, when Toffoli air
mails his pass to Richards; and third, when Richards decides to pass the puck
out of mid-air back to Toffoli.And
somehow, it all worked out and will be Number 1 on the NHL Network.You know, assuming it’s not past their
bedtime.

If Torts didn’t show up on the Canucks’ bench for the
start of the third period, would ANYONE be surprised?

Lewis with a golden opportunity to display those dangles
(and get that first goal)… but runs out of real estate.So, does anyone on the bench want to teach
Lewis how to shoot a puck higher than 11 inches?

Dustin Brown… he’s alive!!! and…… that’s the end of the
second.Nice try, Dustin, way to make
yourself relevant.

Stay tuned for more third period action… unless the score
holds and I switch over to the UCLA game.

--

Third Period:

Hmmmmm, wasn’t Kings Assistant Coach John Stevens in The
Sopranos, Season 5?

I’m pretty sure that was the third time Dustin Brown’s
name was called.And of course, he’s
down on the ice, grabbing his knee.MILK
THAT PENALTY!!!It goes without saying
that if that happened to any one of us, our leg would have been completely
severed.

First power play for the Kings.Does Stevens draw up a formation to play
keep-away for 19 minutes? Well,
keep-away for 2 minutes will do just fine.You Los Angeles Kings Assistant Coaches, ladies and gentlemen!

By the way, UCLA up 24-10 against Arizona.Wildcats with the ball, 1st and
goal.Handoff to the running back who
tries to jump in the end zone, gets stuffed, ball comes out, hits the running
back’s foot, UCLA recovers, touchback. Back to the Kings game.

The Kings with another successful keep-away drill for 2
minutes on the Sestito penalty.Burn
that clock, Stevens!!!

Bieksa and Brown going at it in Luongo’s Lack’s
crease.Without a doubt the most
significant thing our captain has done all game.Drawing the Kings’ first penalty was the
second. #FOMOH was the third.

You know, I always find it funny that goalies, when they’re
on the bench, wear only a hat or nothing at all.Whenever a puck comes up or near the bench,
they simply flash the glove to cover their face.I guess it would look pretty ridiculous for a
goalie on the bench to wear a player’s helmet, maybe one with a half-shield or
even a cage.I know I wouldn’t wear
one.But what I WOULD wear is something
like this:

Sestito with the hat trick!!! (Bob Probert Hat Trick)

(too soon? sorry.)

Yikes, Muzzin’s shot blasts Toffoli’s leg.After Martinez almost got run, I was thinking
“All we gotta do is not get injured” and then Toffoli goes down.I’m holding my breath until I see him on the
ice again. [Sees Toffoli on ice,
unclenches butt]

So, the game was essentially over after the second
period.But you know what?It ALWAYS feels good to beat the Canucks,
whether by a small or “humongous big” margin.I’m not like some of my friends, who place the Canucks as their most
hated team in the NHL.(For me, that’s
the Sharks. Without a doubt.)But I still haven’t forgotten the Canucks
dominating the Kings in the playoffs back in 2010.And so there’ll be an extra bounce in my step
tomorrow morning as I get obliterated watching football in Culver City, thanks
to tonight’s win.

Lots of positives: Vey and Toffoli cementing their spots
on the roster.You know, until Carter
comes back.But what scares me is whether
Vey just upped his trade value to a very attractive level.NHL teams would be stupid to trade with the
Kings and not ask for a prospect like Toffoli, Vey, Pearson, or even Andreoff.Maybe Jones, too.Meh, I’m not totally sold on Jones,
especially after last year’s step back.

The other positive is that I’m going to ask Santa for a
Jordan Nolan jersey.Well, maybe just a
shirsey.There can only be one named
jersey for me (and it rhymes with “Belly Foody”).