new baby and an exgirlfriend

Last night I found out that my boyfriend had called an exgirlfriend to catch up and chit chat. He was supposed to be watching our 4 month old son while he was having this conversation. They had been together for 8 years before I had met him. They have talked before and I have caught him and he swore to never speak to her again. When I questioned her she said she didn't know why I was so jealous of a relationship that me and my bf will never have. I am so upset I don't know what to do. Am I over reacting? What would you do if your SO had got in contact with an ex like this?

Last night I found out that my boyfriend had called an exgirlfriend to catch up and chit chat. He was supposed to be watching our 4 month old son while he was having this conversation. They had been together for 8 years before I had met him. They have talked before and I have caught him and he swore to never speak to her again. When I questioned her she said she didn't know why I was so jealous of a relationship that me and my bf will never have. I am so upset I don't know what to do. Am I over reacting? What would you do if your SO had got in contact with an ex like this?

Why is it a big deal if they speak? 8 years is a long time. They weren't just in a romantic relationship, they were friends for 8 years. Sometimes you can get over a person romantically but still want to be their friend.

My boyfriend is good friends with his ex. They work together, they carpool to and from. I am friends with my ex. I have know him for 10 years, we grew up together. I don't want to just cut one of my oldest friends out of my life because we didn't work as a couple.

I would be upset about the lying. Maybe you could reconsider being angry about their friendship but make it known that lying about it was not okay?

Why is it a big deal if they speak? 8 years is a long time. They weren't just in a romantic relationship, they were friends for 8 years. Sometimes you can get over a person romantically but still want to be their friend.

My boyfriend is good friends with his ex. They work together, they carpool to and from. I am friends with my ex. I have know him for 10 years, we grew up together. I don't want to just cut one of my oldest friends out of my life because we didn't work as a couple.

I would be upset about the lying. Maybe you could reconsider being angry about their friendship but make it known that lying about it was not okay?

I agree, nothing to get jealous over. 8 years is a super long time! She will never go away.... so you had better learn to adjust, or break up with him. It was a phone conversation in front of his son, not a big deal.

I agree, nothing to get jealous over. 8 years is a super long time! She will never go away.... so you had better learn to adjust, or break up with him. It was a phone conversation in front of his son, not a big deal.

I am glad to see the other responses because I also don't think it's a big deal. The hiding/lying is problematic but he probably does that so you won't be upset. Not that that makes it okay. I will admit here that I had an ex also from an 8 year relationship and my dp doesn't really know if/when we talk and doesn't know that I consider the ex to be a good friend. Haha one ex secret no one wants to talk about is they give great relationship advice! They can be objective while knowing you completely AND advise from the opposite sex point of view. I am not a person who disposes of friends easily so I couldn't ignor an 8 year ex. Sure we have even years where we don't find the time to talk. Or we will be there during heartbreak. I think it's healthy, if you can maintain a friendship within reason of course. It just becomes so tricky when there is (understandable) jealousy. Maybe you can try to be more encouraging and he will feel more free not to hide from you. Some
Might strongly disagree but that is what I would do!

I am glad to see the other responses because I also don't think it's a big deal. The hiding/lying is problematic but he probably does that so you won't be upset. Not that that makes it okay. I will admit here that I had an ex also from an 8 year relationship and my dp doesn't really know if/when we talk and doesn't know that I consider the ex to be a good friend. Haha one ex secret no one wants to talk about is they give great relationship advice! They can be objective while knowing you completely AND advise from the opposite sex point of view. I am not a person who disposes of friends easily so I couldn't ignor an 8 year ex. Sure we have even years where we don't find the time to talk. Or we will be there during heartbreak. I think it's healthy, if you can maintain a friendship within reason of course. It just becomes so tricky when there is (understandable) jealousy. Maybe you can try to be more encouraging and he will feel more free not to hide from you. Some
Might strongly disagree but that is what I would do!

The girl has a history of expressing how "deep" of a relationship they have. I would not have minded the conversation had she not already made attempts for convos at 3-4am. I think that phone calls after a certain time at night are a little suspicious. What would they have to sit up and talk about at that time of the night?

The girl has a history of expressing how "deep" of a relationship they have. I would not have minded the conversation had she not already made attempts for convos at 3-4am. I think that phone calls after a certain time at night are a little suspicious. What would they have to sit up and talk about at that time of the night?

It's great how all these woman don't have a problem with this, but those times are very inappropriate exactly what do they need to be talking about? Oh remember when you used to do this to me ?? It's kind of fishy, but you know your man and what he is capable of so if it doesn't feel right to you don't let other posters make you feel otherwise :)

It's great how all these woman don't have a problem with this, but those times are very inappropriate exactly what do they need to be talking about? Oh remember when you used to do this to me ?? It's kind of fishy, but you know your man and what he is capable of so if it doesn't feel right to you don't let other posters make you feel otherwise :)

I personally do not think it's ok, especially if she is trying to rub the relationship in ur face, exs are exs for a reason and they should stay in the past! It would be different if she had respect for u and came at u in a mature way, she sounds like maybe she is jealous of what u guys have now! I'd be soo pissed sorry u have to go through this!

I personally do not think it's ok, especially if she is trying to rub the relationship in ur face, exs are exs for a reason and they should stay in the past! It would be different if she had respect for u and came at u in a mature way, she sounds like maybe she is jealous of what u guys have now! I'd be soo pissed sorry u have to go through this!

I was with my ex-husband for 10yrs. He is without a doubt one of my best friends in the whole world. We talk regularly. My SO is well aware that we speak, occassionally go to dinner etc. I told him from the very beginning that my ex and I were close friends. He's not threatened by my having a friend. If I was hiding it that would be different, but my SO knows I love him and would never betray his trust. And that's the key, he trusts me. Has your bf done anything to make you not trust him? Or is it just that you're jealous of him talking to another woman with whom he had a previous relationship? Frankly, unless there's a lot more going on then you're telling us, I don't understand the big deal if he talks to her.

I was with my ex-husband for 10yrs. He is without a doubt one of my best friends in the whole world. We talk regularly. My SO is well aware that we speak, occassionally go to dinner etc. I told him from the very beginning that my ex and I were close friends. He's not threatened by my having a friend. If I was hiding it that would be different, but my SO knows I love him and would never betray his trust. And that's the key, he trusts me. Has your bf done anything to make you not trust him? Or is it just that you're jealous of him talking to another woman with whom he had a previous relationship? Frankly, unless there's a lot more going on then you're telling us, I don't understand the big deal if he talks to her.

I think it's not the fact that they are talking thats such a big deal.... But I would be really uncomfortable with the fact that she'.s mentioned more than once that "you're jealous of how 'deep' their relationship is". To me, that sounds like she's awfully smug, and trying to upset you, which is childish. It would also make me wonder if she was still interested, because if she thinks your bf could never have another deep relationship with another girl, then she probably feels like any relationship she has isn't going to be the same either. If that makes sense.

I think it's not the fact that they are talking thats such a big deal.... But I would be really uncomfortable with the fact that she'.s mentioned more than once that "you're jealous of how 'deep' their relationship is". To me, that sounds like she's awfully smug, and trying to upset you, which is childish. It would also make me wonder if she was still interested, because if she thinks your bf could never have another deep relationship with another girl, then she probably feels like any relationship she has isn't going to be the same either. If that makes sense.

If she's not okay with it then it's not ok. Some people... Maybe... Can have innocuous relationships with ex's but personally I believe it is very disrespectful and selfish with regard to your current spouse/gf/bf etc. to continue such a relationship if they are uncomfortable with it. Besides that this ex gf is clearly not harmless. And she actually sounds rather pathetic that she can't move on from the past.

If she's not okay with it then it's not ok. Some people... Maybe... Can have innocuous relationships with ex's but personally I believe it is very disrespectful and selfish with regard to your current spouse/gf/bf etc. to continue such a relationship if they are uncomfortable with it. Besides that this ex gf is clearly not harmless. And she actually sounds rather pathetic that she can't move on from the past.

I have been in your situation. My husband was friends with his ex, we hung out together a couple of times, I was ok with it, because I trust my husband and I know how special I am to him, but than she started asking him to go clubbing while I was pregnant, of course I was not invited, and if I was I would probably not go. When she has conversation with my hubby without me around she refers to him as sweetie. I know this is her type of language and I know she is a nice friendly girl. But I felt disrespected. So I talked to my husband who totally understands and he saw my views about it. He asked her to stop calling him sweetie. I accept that they are friends and has mutual friends. But I asked Hubbie to not make her important as if she can come into town and call him expect him to drop everything to hang out with her and their group of friends. It's ok for ex to be friends. But it's not ok to make an ex important or a big part of your life if your current wife or girlfriend feels disrespected. And you were disrespected because she has the nerve to call in the wee hours. Don't handle it with her, tell your bf how you feel, it is a sensitive subject. You are in this relationship no one else, if it makes you feel uncomfortable it should be talked about, and worked on. I can't change the fact that this ex is someone special and meaningful to my Hubbie but I can let him know how I feel and because we have a loving respectable relationship we make compromises. He spoke with her and told her that he has a family that his family comes first and being a father there are responsibilities, he is not extra friendly with her or tries to make her feel special in anyway. I know they are acquaintance, I accept that. She no longer calls to inform him she is in town not ask him to go out or addresses him by sweetie. When we run into each other we say hi and small talk but nothing else. Talk to your bf about what you expect but also understand for him. That way you don't resent each other. Good luck dear

I have been in your situation. My husband was friends with his ex, we hung out together a couple of times, I was ok with it, because I trust my husband and I know how special I am to him, but than she started asking him to go clubbing while I was pregnant, of course I was not invited, and if I was I would probably not go. When she has conversation with my hubby without me around she refers to him as sweetie. I know this is her type of language and I know she is a nice friendly girl. But I felt disrespected. So I talked to my husband who totally understands and he saw my views about it. He asked her to stop calling him sweetie. I accept that they are friends and has mutual friends. But I asked Hubbie to not make her important as if she can come into town and call him expect him to drop everything to hang out with her and their group of friends. It's ok for ex to be friends. But it's not ok to make an ex important or a big part of your life if your current wife or girlfriend feels disrespected. And you were disrespected because she has the nerve to call in the wee hours. Don't handle it with her, tell your bf how you feel, it is a sensitive subject. You are in this relationship no one else, if it makes you feel uncomfortable it should be talked about, and worked on. I can't change the fact that this ex is someone special and meaningful to my Hubbie but I can let him know how I feel and because we have a loving respectable relationship we make compromises. He spoke with her and told her that he has a family that his family comes first and being a father there are responsibilities, he is not extra friendly with her or tries to make her feel special in anyway. I know they are acquaintance, I accept that. She no longer calls to inform him she is in town not ask him to go out or addresses him by sweetie. When we run into each other we say hi and small talk but nothing else. Talk to your bf about what you expect but also understand for him. That way you don't resent each other. Good luck dear

I don't care what anyone says. Bottom line is it doesn't make YOU feel good so that's what counts everyone is different and maybe those people who say its not a big deal have different views on relationships. An ex is an ex.. Someone you were intimate with and someone you broke up with. Lastley shame on your husband for being friends with someone who does not respect his wife. If it was the other way around I doubt he would like that.

I don't care what anyone says. Bottom line is it doesn't make YOU feel good so that's what counts everyone is different and maybe those people who say its not a big deal have different views on relationships. An ex is an ex.. Someone you were intimate with and someone you broke up with. Lastley shame on your husband for being friends with someone who does not respect his wife. If it was the other way around I doubt he would like that.

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