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Friday, July 31, 2015

This is a shared article via another site.Fits very well on me except that I turned 30 two years before my age?

This is the story of how I turned 30, founded a new company and
stopped giving f***s about certain things. Now life is a lot more
awesome because instead of wasting time giving f***’s, I can use all
that time and energy on the things that actually matter.

Here’s 5 things you will probably stop giving a single f*** about
when you turn 30. If you’re already there and beyond– congratulations on
all those f***s you don’t give! You know that it’s great.

1. Friendship Drama

Yeah, you know exactly which ones I’m talking about. The ones who
constantly just seem to be stirring up shit and making you feel
uncomfortable – whether they’re arguing with your other friends, you or
just being passive aggressive. You’ll realize when you hit that 3-0 that
they’re not adding any value to your life. Friends are supposed to have
your back, support your growth, love and respect you for you who are –
no matter what. If this has changed over time, well – you’ll inevitably
stop giving a single f***. And that’s totally OK, even if they call you
an asshole for not calling back anymore.

2. Relationship Drama

I don’t even know where to begin.

When you turn 30, you realize that a truly healthy relationship is
completely, equally, geometrically, TWO HALVES of one thing, whatever
that is. If someone’s trying some half assed weirdness with you – you’d
much rather be alone than waste your time on them. Being alone doesn’t
seem so bad anymore.

Suddenly, you look at your date sitting across the table (who’s
really hot but being an absolute turd) - and you finally comprehend that
it takes a lot more than looks to establish a meaningful connection of
any kind. All that 20-something year old mentality of lust-hungering
after beautiful abs/waists/legs and jawlines quickly seems ridiculous to
you and you realize that actually, you don’t give a single f*** about
all the dates that you know deep down, are wrong for you.

You stop tolerating bullshit in general, you learn to say no – at 30,
you really don’t give a f*** about the excuses someone cooks up to
justify their shitty treatment of you.

You know what you’re worth, you understand the importance of self-respect and respect for others.

In the past you used to try to be understanding and generous when someone said stuff like:

“I don’t commit.”
“I just want to hang out (but still have sex and all the good stuff).”
“Why can’t you [insert things that they want but not really your thing].”
“That girl/guy all over my phone? None of your business/ we’re not together together/it’s not like that.”
“I have issues/ past history/ super baggage so please understand and put up with me.”
“I’m just the way I am, too bad.”

At 30, a lightning bolt of logic hits you and your response to all the above is:
“Oh, good for you. Now get the f*** out of my face.”

You move on, enjoy hanging out alone for a while and inevitably find
someone who’s not a turd and come to realize that healthy relationships
are as awesome as freshly baked choc chip cookies. You look back and
think: all those times you tried and failed – they were lessons so you
could become the stronger person you are today.

3. Work Drama

Workwise, you get to a stage where you sit back and think, really hard
about your professional path and whether this is something you want to
do for the next ten years. A lot of people change industries around this
age- there’s nothing wrong with trying something new. Whether it’s a
new role, a new industry or even a new business idea – at 30, you’re
mature enough to start thinking realistically about your professional
goals and vision.

Of course, this is also the time where you stop putting up with
workplace assholes – whether it’s the guy chewing his lunch way too
loudly, the passive aggressive conference caller or petty office
politics. Now you give no f***s about being the nice one: you know it’s
ok to get your claws out if someone’s being a jerk, because you realize
at the end of the day it’s about getting work done and going home to
your actual life. Plus, you simply stopped giving a f*** about having everyone like you.

4. Family Drama

Now, I’m NOT saying you should stop giving a f*** about your family,
unless they’re really asking for it. Every family is different. You
don’t get to choose your family – yet there’s something unbreakable
about blood ties, because you’re all genetically/legally tied to one another. Families are not perfect: it’s normal that you may not always agree or get along with everyone.

So at 30, you come to understand that this is OK. You have no control over who you get to call family; you can only choose what
to do with these connections. At this stage, most parents realize they
were your age once before: a fully formed, (mostly) self-sufficient, tax
paying, potentially baby-making, somewhat sensible adult. This may
alleviate some stress or increase closeness as they give you the space
you need, or make an extra effort to keep in touch.

No matter the pain, the love, the memories, the history you’ve had
with one another; as an adult you can make a conscious decision about
the role you play in each other’s lives. Just like any other
relationships, there’s no perfection – you can only manage the best
arrangements that suits everyone most, including yourself.

And you’re fine with that, because you’re now comfortable enough to decide.

5. Self-created Drama

I had a Charles Bukowksi-inspired melt down a bit before my 30th
birthday. I broke up with my then boyfriend, quit my then corporate
job, upset my still-conservative parents, basically destroyed everything
that seemed lovely and stable in my life and then started something I truly wanted, by crawling out of the debris with a renewed, hardened zest for life.

Not everyone’s story is so extreme: I certainly don’t recommend it- unless you know that you’re lying to yourself.
I know I was. How can you tell? There’s a constant, unexplainable
misery rooted deep inside of you – like a dull ache that becomes sharp
over time.
But why surface now?

That’s because at 30, your ability to bullshit even yourself becomes
muggy and weak – you’re old enough to come face to face with who you
truly are. All the fear, pain, love, anger, beauty – that face in the
mirror you’ve lived with for three decades; you can truly see
yourself. For some, this is the single most terrifying aspect of turning
30 – you can now look within yourself with a clarity and honesty that
can be raw, brutal and fragile. This is when you realize and come to
terms with what you really want in life.

With the awkward confusion of your teenage years way past you, the
relaxed sloppiness of your twenties gone; you’re now left with a fully
functional, kind-of adult, capable of achieving what you actually want.
However messy this path has been, doesn’t matter; you made it and you’re
here.

Now you appreciate all the things you’ve been through; all that you
have seen, made and survived. There’s a rebirthed happiness that comes
with this. Old insecurities fade when you wake up and realize that while
you may be covered in battle scars, you’re tough as shit and you’re only going to get stronger.

Which is totally why you are now wise enough to reserve your f***s for the things that truly matter in life.

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

“Making a list removes the fear from the reptile portion of the brain”—the part of the brain that acts on instinct—“and moves it to the frontal lobe, where solutions are developed,” Bross. “The list gives the writer a sense of manageability. What we see, we can fix. What we keep in vagueness just haunts us.”