Green Room

Great news: Rodman arrives at the Vatican

Hey, just look how well his magic worked in North Korea. Now that Dennis “The Worm” Rodman has arrived at the Vatican, this conclave will wrap up by … September. I may have to start holding fundraising drives.

In even better news, Rodman came here with an agenda rather than a basketball. Follow the link to the Daily Caller for more.

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Pope John Paul II was the American Hall of Fame basketball player’s favourite pontiff, he said: “He was cool as hell. He pretty much was like a pimp. Sitting up there … speaking like 20,000 different languages … He was great for the world.”

As the man is flying above the Earth, there is a catastrophic failure and the man is ejected from the plane. As the man is falling, he begins to pray … help me St Francis. Out of a cloud comes a large God-like hand which catches the man. A booming voice can be heard to say … St Francis of Assisi or St Francis Xavier ? The man is startled. After a moment to think, he replied … St Francis Xavier. The hand flips over and releases the man.

Jump To Dennis Rodman’s Stats | Photos | Twitter
Well, we saw this coming. Dennis Rodman has announced some broad personal financials, which support the net worth of ($894,200) that we calculated some time ago.

In 1997 Dennis Rodman, then a neighbor of mine in Newport Beach, claimed to have “between $30 million and $50 million”. Huh? He estimated his wealth plus or minus 50%?!?! That was a sure sign of impending financial doom.

Maybe the smartest thing that Rodman did was buy a restaurant in Newport Beach called Josh Slocum. It would’ve been smart if it didn’t serve alcohol. As the owner of the place, and a functioning alcoholic, Dennis drank his way through a lot of the profits. [This explains a lot!]

Bottom Line: By controlling his lifestyle and spending less than he makes, Dennis earns $94,500 per year after lifestyle, taxes and other expenses.

On March 27, 2012 Dennis Rodman appeared in court to face charges that he owes over $800,000 in child support to an ex wife. Rodman’s lawyers claim that the former superstar is completely broke and cannot pay a dime. During his NBA career, Rodman earned $27 million in salary and millions more in endorsements.

The dude is a nut job, that’s for sure, but he is an interesting story and an excellent example of how a nobody with nothing can go on and be successful based on hard work. Without being able to dribble, pass or shoot a basketball he was able to become a Hall of Fame basketball player based solely on working harder than everyone else. And by the way this is too funny not to share.

“Is it real?” you wonder. Well, this site (which, we guess, is Philander’s personal site or something?) lists the name of the restaurant as simply “Rodman’s Rainbow Burgers.” Still good, but it doesn’t quite possess the batshit magic achieved by throwing “Obama” in there.