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In October of 2010 Erin was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. This blog is to record what is going inside Erin's mind. We don't know what all that will entail... But we are hoping that keeping a record of it will help in some manner. We also hope that maybe, just maybe, that we'll heal from whatever issues that we have and come out victorious.

All personalities or identities within Erin are invited to write here; each entry will be marked with who is writing.

If you are a survivor yourself, there are no trigger warnings on the entries... Please be careful as you navigate this blog. If you are a significant other of someone with DID/MPD, our hope is that this blog may be of some use to you, but please remember that every person with DID is very unique and must be considered as their own case.

Thank you for visiting!

Sunday, March 6, 2011

About Marie-Shiloh -- Yomi

Of all the alters, Marie-Shiloh is perhaps the one I know the least about. Whenever I have tried to ask questions, they have always been avoided, deflected, or ignored. In spite of that, I do know some interesting things.

I first noticed Marie-Shiloh's presence back in middle school when my family first moved to Illinois; this would be about ten years ago now. She really just "lurked" at the back of my mind until the summer of my second year of college. What I mean by "lurking" is that I could sense a presence, not my own, with me in my own mind. The main reason why this did not terrify me, I believe, is that my friends and I would draw characters from our imaginations constantly. I thought that this "lurker" was merely a character that was reluctant to come forward and introduce herself. I thought that my friends felt this lurking sensation when they were creating characters; I thought it was my imagination working and creating.

Over that past two years, I have learned some very important things about Marie-Shiloh. First, Marie-Shiloh is actually two alters. I'm not sure when it happened, but Shiloh split off from Marie to be the protector. Yes, this does in fact mean that Marie has MPD as well, which is just highly interesting and, from what I've understood, is rather unusual. Second, until very recently, Shiloh would be in control about 95% of the time; the only times I saw Marie were when she was freaking out about one thing or another, usually it was because she thought someone was chasing her. Since I asked Marie-Shiloh if she wanted to stay in the Room of Requirement, Marie has been in control much more often; in fact, whenever I see her, it is usually Marie and not Shiloh in control. This is helpful because I do not know much about Marie's personal history.

The little I do know is that Shiloh helped her escape from a mental institution. When asked about what happened, Shiloh replies with "she had a bad experience," which isn't helpful at all. When I spoke to Marie the first time, she was super paranoid and was convinced that someone was drugging her and, while she was unconscious, moving her to different locations. When I finally talked to Shiloh, I immediately understood what was going on, however, Shiloh did not wish Marie to know about his existence. Marie, as far as I know, still knows nothing about Shiloh. As for Shiloh's personality, he's a rather 2-dimensional person; he exists to protect Marie from anything that might harm her, that's as far as it goes.

Within the past week and a half, I made a new discovery. I was cleaning out my room in my parent's house and I found some old t-shirts from when my family lived on Okinawa, Japan. Wonderfully enough, some of the shirts still fit since they swamped me back then. One of the shirts was from a program called Young Marines, which is a Marine version of ROTC but you can be in it from a much younger age. I made a comment to my mom about finding it, and Marie answered saying that she had been in Young Marines when she was younger too. This was a shock because Marie doesn't usually initiate conversation and this was my first time realizing that my alters and I had the same memories about different things. After discussing it with Marie, our memories about Young Marines were almost identical, which means that Marie was definitely around for Okinawa. Nickie's current theory about that is that Marie was the personality in control when my family lived on Okinawa. The switch from her to me would have theoretically happened sometime between Okinawa and Illinois... The theory isn't solid, but it makes a bit of sense.

I have maybe two drawings of Marie-Shiloh; one from middle school, and one from summer 2009. I am not very sure what I have done with either drawing, which is rather frustrating. She is also beginning to change her appearance as I get to know her; this is a phenomenon I have seen with Morrigan as well. The more I get to know Marie, the more human she becomes.

Originally, Marie was a feline Anthro with dark purple and bright orange stripe markings. I stopped drawing her, because a good friend of mine told me the design was ugly, so I put it down only to pick it back up almost ten years later. As Marie has become more human, I noticed that she has an Asian look to her, but she would not be full Asian. She has straight black hair a few inches past her shoulders, almond shaped eyes, and dark-ish skin. I say that she is not full Asian because her face structure is not quite right.

This is really all I know about Marie-Shiloh. I'll post some pictures when I find them.

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The World of Erin

Quick FAQ

1. The presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states; each with its own relatively enduring pattern of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and self.

2. At least two of these identities or personality states recurrentlytake control of the person's behavior.

3. Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

(Criteria According to the Diagnostic Statistics Manual version IV [DSMIV])

Who is Erin?

The name of the body and the Original Personality. Erin's mind contains all of the identities that split from her and other identities created. We many identities are the ones who made this blog.

What posts should I read first?

"Discovering Multiple Personality Disorder" is probably where you would want to begin. The posts with the word "About" in the title are simply informational posts about individual alters or the rooms inside; these can be read in almost any order. The other posts should probably be read in chronological order.

For quick information, click on the "Within Erin" tab or "Terms to Know" tab. This will give you brief information about each Alter, the rooms, and other terminology that is useful for understanding the blog.

Links

Dissociative Blog Showcase -- An index of blogs regarding dissociation. Not all blogs are specifically about DID, but many are. Nor do all the blogs use trigger warnings, so please take care.

ISST-D-- The International Society of the Study of Trauma and Dissociation. The have information about various dissociative disorders and are a great place to look for accurate information.

Fort Refuge -- This is a website that can be helpful. Its forum contains helpful information for abuse survivors, disorder sufferers, and significant others. Here you can network with other people and make a support system for yourself. There is also a chat available to IM live with other people.

T W Crews -- This is another DID website with a lot of helpful information.

The Manual -- Written by Jeff Vineburg, the significant other of a DID family. This is a good resource for everything related to DID/MPD.

Do No Harm -- A non-profit group who's goal is to inspire people to create a better world by intentionally doing no harm to anyone, and, consequently, intentionally doing good.