Arriving late and out of breath, after everybody else had read out their homework, Gordon Brown told a fib about his.

He said he'd done it all himself, and not copied it from anyone else. He also said that he'd been working on it for "ages" and everybody else that had seen it said that he had all the answers right.

No, fuck it, CF can't keep up the light parody tone, as he surveys the latest hatful of crap to have been delivered to a contemptuous nation by the PM, as he tries to address the MP's expenses scandal.

Firstly, this was a pathetic, belated, blatant attempt at catch up when Cameron -- and even "wait 'n' see" Clegg -- had already taken decisive action. CallMeDave may not have gone far enough for many, but he at least announced clearly what was going to happen on the same day as the Telegraph published the offending details. Labour expense claims began drip-dripping out last week, and the silence has been deafening.

Secondly, Brown, can you not open your fucking mouth without lying, spinning or both?

The spin:

"It is not enough for one or two MPs to make announcements here and there."

No, it isn't. But its a fucking start. And not a start made by you, or by your parties MP's, who must be delighted that you seem unwilling to blame, let alone criticise, them for their troughing.

The lie:

"I have been discussing this for days and we have been looking at this matter for some time. We had hoped to make some progress yesterday and now all parties are prepared to accept this."

Within minutes of this, two senior MPs on the committee said Mr Brown was “misrepresenting” what had been agreed and pointed out there was no “done deal”.