Pregnant for a cheating boyfriend

by

I have been reading your column ever since I was a teenager, but this is my first time writing to you.

I'm 28, and eight months' pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I are both working and we have been living together for three years. I thought we had a pretty honest relationship, until recently.

When we just started dating, we were referred to as the odd couple by others, meaning he's light-skinned and I'm dark and Indian.

When I met him, I was impressed at how different and well-bred he was. When I met his mom I knew why. I grew up with my grandmother.

Over the past three years, we have had a few ups and downs, as with any normal relationship, but recently he did something that I was not pleased with. I know he flirts with females and I flirt with guys.

In the evenings when he comes home he usually go outside to smoke. Three days ago I noticed that he was in a hurry to go outside to smoke. I never thought anything of it.

He has an iPod that I play games on, and I noticed a particular female keeps sending messages via Facebook messenger. I ignored it as I thought it was just one of his friends.

The second and third nights, the same thing happened again. I saw a pop-up message that didn't look friendly, so I clicked on it and opened into a conversation they were having at the moment.

He was telling her what he wanted to do to her in the cold weather, and the reason he didn't meet up with her was because it wasn't dark enough.

He realised that I was into the messages so he changed the password right away. When he came back inside I told him what I saw and that I realised he changed the password; however, that's his privacy.

He got upset so that I eventually got upset at him too. I felt disappointed as I trusted him. This was so deep that I felt the baby frantically kicking, and I felt wet and ran to the bathroom to realise that I was bleeding.

He came to the door knocking, asking if everything was ok and I said yes. I didn't tell him what was happening.

I wrote him a two-page letter letting him know how I felt, and that if this is how it's going to be, I'm leaving, baby or no baby.

I'm thinking to let him do whatever he wants and watch him. If I see where he doesn't care, I'm going to leave. I felt like I waited so long only to be disappointed by him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

S.M.

Dear S.M.

Your boyfriend is not only flirting, he is having relationships with other women. He cannot hide that. He may make excuses, but you have caught him.

You had the right to speak up and to let him know that you were aware of what he told the girl. You are worried because you have spent some of your best years with this man.

I am not sure that this man loves you as much as you love him, but you said that you thought that both of you had a good thing going.

I am not here to tell you to leave this man because sometimes when a man's woman is pregnant he might go astray. It is not all men who love to see their women with big stomach before them.

I would like to encourage both of you to get back to the days when you communicated well with each other. Cursing out each other won't help. I beg you to keep calm.

Don't allow your blood pressure to get very high. Tell this man that you are hurting and that you would like the both of you to make an appointment to see a family counsellor.

I hope that you have been to see the doctor. Be careful, now. Try to remain calm and take care of yourself and the baby.