Savoring life. Writing on experiences. Moments and milestones in equal measure.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Fire away; Ricochet is Life!

Ricochet is life!

A man can only
stand so much. There is that kapoint at
which all guys will break. It matter not if they are at the ‘mama-I-made-it’
level or the ‘started-at-the-bottom-and-now-just-a-little-bit-from-the-bottom’
level. They all break. Shouldn’t I be saying we? Yeah, there is the point at
which we all break. This is a point where a tailspin ensues. Its odds of
happening are low but just like hitting your toe against the table where you’re
barefoot, it does. I have seen it happen to many even those that claim to be
lion-hearted nsht.

A rent-money bet goes south because Arsenal is lame and a
bitter Arsenal fan snaps. A loan-car is overturns during one of those wild
nights and someone sobers up and snaps. A dream-job is lost and someone yells
at their boss then snaps. A small toe is hit against the table and someone
snaps (Okay ignore that one). A fiancé
walks away and someone swears they’re okay then they snap. Well I think it’ll
get boring if I write any more ‘snaps’ so I’ll just hope you get the point.

I think you could
feel his fingers trembling. Like hear the little microbaroms as they race
through the air past your ear. He was awfully nervous. From watching too many
CSI episodes I could tell his pupils were dilated. *Hey Felly dilated pupils
just mean the nervous system is beginning to suck at being a nervous system.
Seems unbelievable much, yes? Well, this is a true story. I actually used my phone’s
screen to get a reflection of the guy seated behind me and I could see his eyes.
And this was kedo one month ago when
I was *cues in Nameless, I’m coming hoooome! Home where I beloooong! Narudi
Nyumbani! Nyumbani! Yeeeah!, Get it? C’mmon I was going home. I was pretty excited
to go see my folks after bursting my butt in the city for couple of weeks
without showing up home. My cue for going home is when mum calls ‘just to say’ "Umetutupa sana”.

I was using one of
those Northrift Shuttles. Just so you know these are the next best travel alternative
to owning a moti if you’re going to my Ushago.
If word gets to the village that you use them then you’ll be classified in the
same ‘whos n whos’ list as the Chief, the MCA, the priest, the one guy with more
than 10 cows and the corky guy at the water pump who decides when everyone gets
their water. Those Shuttles (I know this is a strong word for a mathree but hey we’re in Kenya) carry
only 11 of you at a time and don’t stop there at sijui Giciengo for people to pee only for all of you to get pick
pocketed. They stop at fancy places and some smoky places with heavenly roast
meat – Kikopey that is. Well not that Kikopey is fancy and all but at least no
one will ‘beat you’ Ngeta there. Then
they have this mouth-watering Choma that
you should only eat in manageable quantities and with pilipili or else have to make too many ‘very urgent’ stops
afterwards. I don’t want to say that you’ll have to be constantly looking for
bushes where you can do some ‘quick business’ and that people will see you and
that one of those people will be a blogger and that the blogger will fail to
resist the urge to not write about it in their blog and that you will be embarrassed
when the story finally comes out about the guy in a suit doing it in the bush
there near Gilgil.

Who knows, you may
even get chased by those Zebras idling around the Delamere farm. And just be aware that if we see you being chased by
a Zebra from a bush where you went to do it with your pants down we will take
the pictures and use them to educate our kids about places not to do it. Alright!
Enough of that.

So this guy was
fidgeting a lot with his phone. He started calling. He called Lenard who I
think was his client. Then he called another dude and I know this because
Infinix (and Tecno) phones have no privacy. A heartfelt apology to the
Tecno-Infinix gang I mean well you knowJ. And the dude I kinda figured out was a loan guy. He called more
people for what seemed like an hour. Then viola he snapped. He was all over the
place. He sounded bitterer than the barefoot guy who has hit his toe against
the edge of the table. You could feel the tension strangling the air in the mathree as he fiddled with the phone,
cursed slowly, then loudly, then said a lot of f's! He forced conversation
with those two chaps seated beside him.

Then this
guy on the right says “vitu hukua hivo” and I think that was the cue for our
guy. He profusely protested about his business sucking at being a good
business, his lorry being tied to a loan and him wanting to sell it secretly
and the loan agency discovering this and refusing with it and him being broke
and everything crumbling on top of him. At least that is the much I got from
his rant which is impressive since I was also listening to Gilad and akina Zidi the Band through earphones.
And either way I am not a particularly nosy person.

I should also let
you know that shuttles have an unspoken code of conduct. Like the part where
you mind your own business and not disturb your neighbor by humming or singing
or coughing suggestively or smelling bad (this one mostly) or staring or making
loud phone calls and pretending to be really important. The exception is if you’re
humming the Game of Thrones’ theme song, that or the national anthem. These are
very important codes since shuttle people pay kedo 200 bob above those regular mathree fares. They pay for such luxuries. So see how the snapping
dude was violating all of them? I mean who gives a hoot if you’re broke and
having a breakdown in a public vehicle and shouting out fucks? Shady right? A
big boo to you if you thought of yes. Why you ask? Well because he is a guy who
has seen the naked wrath of the evil breaking point for guys! Ladies you may
not understand this but just picture your equivalent of a man’s sweatiness,
agility and ruggedness which are supposed to help you withstand such primal
tides being trodden upon like they don’t exist.

And talking of
smelling bad I beseech ye brothers of mine to wear cologne. I honestly don’t know
why you’d be comfortable smelling like you were the one getting goats into Noah’s
ark whereas you have a white collar job The exception is the beloved Kenyans that
work in the mjengo industry.

So that feeling of
powerlessness foaming up after these tailspin moments twists guys and renders
them insanely unstable. Here, I found a better example for you ladies – just imagine
what happens in the few seconds of sleep paralysis happen to you for a day – a
year – a decade. It is scary as hell. More like spending your whole life
rigor-mortised. That’s how men feel when they cannot influence anything.

I don’t know how
things turned out for our nameless guy but I am sure he’s somewhere savoring
life right now. Unlike the guy who hit his toe against the edge of the table.

Okay allow me to
say this first. I hit my toe against the edge of my table. The pain was
excruciating yaani hadi I had to take
a nap. So I am repeating the phrase all over as part of the psychological path
to recovery. (*Kay this is the part where I stand in that ka-therapy room and
say “My name is Wesh” | Audience: slow
wave – Hey Wesh! | “and I am afraid of my table:)”).

Haya moving on.

You know what
happens when people snap? They get their head back in line. I know some give in
but most of us finally apply those breath-in-breath-out P.E. lessons and get our
composures back. Trust me I have been at that point where I wanted to pack my
bags and go back to the slopes of Menengai
and become a farmer who lives alone in a ramshackle hut in a very big farm that
I’ll till until kingdom come. But here I am still in the city.

Reason? Well, it’s
simply because (I) we’re hopeful of better days. We become resilient after our
breaking points. I can imagine that nameless guy who was ranting in the shuttle
updating his twitter feed with “I survived #Teamthickskin #Unbroken #LionHeart”
and a couple of emojis. I am also not sure if he knows that Titanium song but
he’d be jamming to it all night long and being a not very good singer murder it
when he screams “I am titaniuuuuuum!” from beneath his shower because having
lost his income-generating lorry he can’t surely afford to be in a Jaccuzi ama?

Why also do you
think Lunjes move a lot? Like move
with their furniture nsht upcountry but then realize life sucks even more over
there and so come back with their beloved furniture again? It is because of
resilience. Refusing to be bowed by life. Being thick skinned.

It is because for me,
for them and all the resilient gang out there ricochet is life.