14 Things Pregnant Women in Their Third Trimester Want You to Know

There are experiences and challenges that almost every woman goes through in pregnancy, no matter how far along they are. But the third trimester is its own special beast, a land filled with back pain, uncomfortable sleep, and the dreadful feeling that pregnancy just might never end. Sure, some of us may be over the moon about our baby arriving soon. But we’re also just over it. Here’s what we wish we could blurt out when you ask us how we’re feeling.

1. Move, bitch, get out the way.

If you see us wobbling toward you on tired, unsteady legs, move. If we’re slowly hauling our butts up the stairs in front of us, please pass without comment. And for the love of god, don’t ask if we want your seat on the subway. Don’t make it a question. Don’t gesture over at us, as if you’re not sure if we want to sit down. Just stand up, get your non-pregnant butt out of your seat, and say, “Here you go.”

Look, this is an offer you should make to any pregnant woman, but in the third trimester, it’s essential. For many of us, our bodies are in pain 24/7. Just get up and get out of the way. (Yes, even if you’re not sure if someone’s pregnant.) If we need it, we’ll hobble over and sit our pregnant asses down. It’s shockingly that easy. Manners, who knew?

3. We know we “look huge” without you telling us.

You might not realize this but pregnant women are growing humans inside their bodies. Here’s a revolutionary thought: Our bodies are expanding because we have actual people hanging out next to our organs. Instead of gasping at how huge we are or asking if we’re having twins, why not just praise us instead? Because some of us just survived two hours of meetings as a baby hiccuped inside of us and that’s pretty damn amazing.

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4. While you’re at it, please kindly shut up with that “Sleep now!” pep talk you’re dying to give.

We’re up a billion times a night already, thank you very much. Turns out, trying to get comfortable in a bed while super-pregnant is its own full-time, all-night job. Oh, and our bladders stopped working correctly months ago. So yeah — what’s sleep?

5. This is a Birth-Story-Free Zone.

Look, I’m sure your harrowing tale of “my baby flipped in labor and suddenly became breech, so I was rushed to a C-section, and while I was in surgery, someone stole my wallet and phone from my purse” is an the edge-of-your-seat nail-biter — and yes, this is my actual birth story, ya’ll — but any woman who’s weeks away from embarking on the Baby Coming Out Of Your Body journey doesn’t need to hear it. It just adds stress and fear to an already stressful and possibly fearful situation. Save it for someone who’s not having a kid exit her uterus anytime soon. You know, like a man.

6. We have not seen our feet in what feels like years.

Oh, you mean those swollen skin sofas that will now only fit into super-wide Crocs? Our eyes have not been able to locate them since sometime around week 26. Please tell them hello for us.

7. No touching. Ever.

Our bodies aren’t melons at the grocery story that you need to grope to determine their ripeness. If you reach out to touch my body, I am going to swat you off like a fly with zero regrets. (This goes for when we’re not pregnant too.)

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8. Everything hurts.

There’s regular, non-pregnant-person pain, and then there’s “Oh, a miniature human’s foot is digging into my actual ribcage right now and maybe splitting it open” pregnancy pain. It’s safe to assume that whatever minor ailment you might have will never feel as uncomfortable as the sensation of a baby’s head bearing down on your pelvis.

9. Our brains are running a mile a minute.

Will labor hurt? What if the baby doesn’t flip? What if I hate being a mom? Will I ever be able to fit into those Madewell jeans I bought the week before I got pregnant? Should I really be bringing a child into a world filled with such immense turmoil and uncertainty? Am I ruining my first kid’s life by having a second? What if I never stop feeling like I have to pee? The questions, the worry, the fear — it’s endless. Sure, it’s mostly overshadowed by happiness, but know that we’re freaking out a lot too.

10. Good lord, we’re sick of being pregnant.

It. Just. Feels. Like. It. Will. Never. End. Like, maybe we might be that one woman who never goes into labor, and who just keeps getting bigger and bigger until there’s nothing of us left besides just a swollen, giant, stomach.

11. We’ve tried every single “go into labor” tip in the world.

Trust me, you do not hold the magical solution that will suddenly make our bodies jump-start labor. We’ve heard them all since the day we announced our pregnancy, and yeah, we’ve tried ’em all too. The spicy burrito didn’t work. Neither did the long walk, or the acupuncture, or that gross salad from that weird restaurant, or sex with my partner. Speaking of…

12. Sex is kind of a pain in the ass.

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We can still do it. But do we actually want to? That depends on each individual woman and how many pillows you can scrounge up around the house to actually make it comfortable.

13. We may be pregnant but we’re not delicate flowers.

Yeah, our bodies ache and we’re tired, but we can still do stuff. Women in their third trimester often work right up to their due date. Hell, lots of us work while we’re in labor. Some of us may feel miserable but that doesn’t mean we’re not all tough AF.

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