Do You Work Too Much?

This is a pattern I've noticed for quite some time that’s preventing men from improving their game.

Here's the way it goes:

You spend some time each day studying on websites/forums or with a CD/DVD.

You have the strategic/technical part of the game well understood, and you even go out weekly to try this stuff out.

Results aren't always that great, even though PUA ideas sounded great on paper. It can be discouraging, but you plod on. The first 1,000 approaches don't count... right?

The major part of the game that I find most people in this situation neglect is developing their identity. None of this stuff is going to work if you have the identity of a loser. You'll always communicate low value.

Okay, you already know that. It's been stressed to you in many CDs, on the internet, and in eBooks that you need to change yourself into a cool guy. Most other guys who are worth listening to talk about this.

Perhaps you identify some areas that need work. Going to the gym would help. Maybe an improv class or acting lessons would make you more socially adept.

But that gym membership doesn't amount to much, and you never get around to doing that comedy class. You just do the usual twenty minutes a day on the forums while at work then listen to a seduction CD on the car ride home. As a result, your identity and personality don't really change much. If you started with a loser identity, you now have the identity of a loser who is well-educated about seduction and social dynamics. “Educated loser” - not quite what you had in mind.

This is very common, and every time I see it I ask the guy how many hours a week he works. I'm hearing people doing 50, 60, even 80 hours a week.

If you're studying and approaching women but not progressing very fast, there's a good chance it's because you're working too much.

You are not going to improve very quickly if you work more than 40 hours a week. 30 hours is even better, although that's a hard situation to find.

Enriching your identity is a huge undertaking. You need time. You need focus. You need leeway for experimentation.

I say this at the risk of draining the seduction community of the cash that pays for these expensive workshops. I say this knowing that there will be resistance to the idea of reducing your workload considerably. This community is comprised largely of guys who in the past tried to succeed with women by making a lot of money, and then when that didn't work they came here. It's a great idea to come here. The problem is that people continue to cling to the belief that money creates attraction. Money doesn't make women horny. It makes them want to go on a shopping spree.

Work less. Change jobs if you have to. Change careers. Get demoted. Do something. All you're doing is making your boss richer and chasing a paycheck that doesn't improve your life as much as free time would. You're cheating yourself by working so much.

Don't do it for "the game," do it for yourself. Do it to become a more developed person. You can go back to a 70 hour week later if you choose.

Think about how the average college student lives - constantly building his social circle, constantly trying to develop himself, scraping by financially, but getting laid quite a bit. It's a more effective lifestyle than someone who works 75 hours and buys a big house that women never come to.

Just being in the process of developing your identity makes you give off a special energy that is attractive to women.

Why do you feel you need to make so much money? Is it filling an empty space inside you? Do you think it's going to make women like you? Using money as your primary way to attract women is self-defeating, ineffective, and contradicts most of what you're learning in this community.

Since the beginning of the industrial revolution, American businesses have escalated their brand of psychological warfare (advertising) to play on your emotions and make you think you need things you really don't need. Think about how many things you didn't need five years ago that you now feel you can't live without - iPods, PDAs, plasma TVs, satellite radio. Corporate America has implanted an artificial sense of emotional neediness in all of us.

I have lawyer friends who tell me about the manipulative ways bosses get people to work insane hours. The senior partners will flaunt fancy cars and high priced items in front of the lower partners in an attempt to motivate them to work harder and work longer. It works. In what other subtle ways might people manipulate each other in the workplace to encourage the 80 hour work week?

Many people see money as the magic pill to succeeding with women. Even after learning that most women respond more to personality, and that gold digging women are undesirable, they still hold onto their rudimentary beliefs about money.

The majority of people who work 50+ hours are trapped by their lifestyle. As you go from making 25k to 50k to 100k, you adjust your lifestyle and spending accordingly. You're always committing yourself to things that are slightly out of your financial reach. "Sure my rent is too high, but with this next raise I'll be able to afford it easily." That kind of thinking is how you become trapped by your lifestyle. It's human nature. We always want just a little bit more. We always want what we can't have.

If you have money, great. Use it to your advantage. It can be a nice way to show off. Use everything you can to your advantage when dealing with women. But consider what kind of a trade off you're making when you sacrifice your identity in the pursuit of money. Identity counts more than money.

While this may be an unpopular idea, I want to help you improve so I hope it's been thought provoking.

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