Joke of the day

Every man needs a go-to joke.

Monday

Joke
N°
5648

Positive Stereotypes
"Why can't we have racism that's ignorant but nice? You could have stereotypes that are positive about race. You could say, 'Those Chinese people, they can fly!' or 'you know about the Puerto Ricans... they're made of candy!'" -Louis C.K. Ryan Murphy

Tuesday

Joke
N°
5649

Fear
"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy." -Jerry Seinfeld Ryan Murphy

Wednesday

Joke
N°
5650

Typewriter
A husband and wife decided they needed to use code to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell Daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand." Ryan Murphy

Thursday

Joke
N°
5651

Divorced Barbie
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant.
"Which Barbie?" she asks. "We have 'Barbie Goes to the Gym' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Ball' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Shopping' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes to the Beach' for $19.95, 'Barbie Goes Nightclubbing' for $19.95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for $395.00."
"Why is 'Divorced Barbie' so much more expensive than all the others?" the confused father asks.
"That's obvious," the assistant states, "'Divorced Barbie' comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... " Ryan Murphy

Eye of the Beholder
"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." - Garry Shandling Ryan Murphy

Sunday

Joke
N°
5654

The Worst Age
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!"
"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00, no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old.
"No, I crap every morning at 6:30," said the 80-year-old.
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00!" Ryan Murphy