Interestment’s Top Four: Trainers

It’s been a little while, but one of our favourite contributors, Hip Hop Sam, is back, re-emerged into society, and with this to say about sneakers:

Man, look at you: your hair’s rubbish, you’re getting old, you need to make a fashion statement that screams “LOOK AT ME WORLD – I’VE STILL GOT IT!” Skinny Jeans look ridiculous on anyone with chicken’s legs and a protruding bottom. Ear Piercing? You might as well get a spider’s web tattooed on your face, or a smurf on your groin. There’s only one possible option remaining – a fresh pair of sneaks. Now get yourself down to Footlocker, girlfriend!

Here’s my Top Four:

1. Adidas, Shell Toes

The Rolls Royce of sneakers, these were popularised by RUN DMC, and today are still “a la mode” amongst angry Grime loving urban youths. Rumour has it they’re called Shell Toes due to early b-boys eating vast quantities of oysters at breakdance festivals – the discarded shells of which would damage the toes of less sturdy sneakers.

2. Onitsuka Tiger, Yellow ones

Second only to BA Baracus, (and maybe Arthur Fonzarelli) Bruce Lee was one of the coolest guys of all time. This was due to a: his incredible kung fu skills, b: the alleged rumour that he died after eating a massive hash cake. And c: the bright yellow tracksuit he wore in Game Of Death. He sported his skin tight tracksuit with a pair of yellow Onitsuka Tigers, so for that reason alone, I’ve included them here.

3. Nike, Air Max

Nike Air Max 90s are not only sturdy enough to endure a long night bodypopping to the latest electro hits, but on the inside, they’re cushioned to give your demanding feet the sensation of gliding into a warm towel, fresh from the tumble dryer, after you’ve stepped out of the bathroom and onto the crisp, icy landing in your shared student house. All of which makes wearing these sleek, gorgeous trainers completely excellent. A fantastic shoe. In fact, scrap that – a GREAT shoe.

4. Nike, Dunks

When 5ive penned their old school hip hop classic, Slam Dunk (Da Funk), a popular theory amongst the underground sneaker community was that Nike had secretly sponsored Scott, Abs, Ritchie, J and Sean to use the word “dunk” in order to subconsciously market this shoe to hysterical pre-pubescent girls. This marketing trick failed miserably, and to this day Nike Dunks are only worn by uber cool breakdancers, middle class hip hop youths and never, ever, by teenage girls. Ever.

so Fresh King (if that really is your name). You’re calling the writer of this a “fag” because you disagree with their taste in shoes? Can you not see the irony in this? Also this is a TOP FOUR it’s the opposite of dissing (I’m not sure if a word for this has been invented?)