Archive for April 29th, 2005

- My first words of the day are “…the fuck are you kicking me for?!” to a half-asleep Schwalbach who’s kicking me to take the dogs out at 6:45. I do my Master’s bidding, hit the head, swish some mouthwash, and check email. I plow through some responses and take a bit of time with Jeff Jensen’s questions about “Sith” for the dreaded Entertainment Weekly (in an email the day before, I’d already asked him to relate the message to that book critic jerk-stain that he or she should go fuck him or herself).

- During my email run, I say g’morning to both Quinnster and Jen, say g’bye to Harley as she heads to school, and mutter to Jen that I’m working when she hits my office ‘fridge for her morning Diet Coke. When I emerge from my office, Jen’s getting ready for her doctor’s appointment. We’re probably not gonna see one another most of the day, as I have a fly-fishing lesson (for “Catch”) at one, so I kiss her g’bye and head to the library gym – where I do another hour on the treadmill while watching “Deadwood”.

- While I’m cooling down, watching the end of the second “Deadwood” of the morning, Mewes rolls in to tell me it’s not Run DMC playing at Avalon, but instead Dougie Fresh and DMC. I ask him if he wants to go learn how to fly-fish today with me and Byron (who I’ve recruited to go with me), but he’s not sure. We decide to have another two man poker tourney after I take a shower.

- I call down to Byron to see if he wants to join in on the poker action, and we’ve suddenly got a three-man tourney going. I whip up some chicken salad and the three of us play some cards. Jen returns while we’re playing, just in time to see Mewes win his hundred bucks back with a pair of fucking sixes. I head downstairs to get dressed and Mewes pops in to tell us he’s not gonna be home tonight (he’s house-sitting elsewhere). When he leaves, the temptress that is my bride cuddles up to me on the bed, asking if I really have to go fishing today while grinding into me. I immediately cancel out on fishing as she heads off to get a manicure and her brow down, urging me to be home when she gets home and she’ll make it worth my while.

- With an hour and a half to kill, I opt to shoot cross town to Laser Blazer with Louis (Byron’s Chocolate Lab puppy) in tow. I take Louis for a brief walk outside the store, grab some magazines at the nearby stand, then open the sun roof in the car, put Louis inside, and head into Laser Blazer. I talk to Ron for a few minutes about, amongst other things, his “Big Red One” signing next week. I chat with one of the clerks (who was at the “Rats” screening), then jump back in the car and round the block to McDonald’s, where I grab a burger for Louis, an ice tea for me, and a pair of burgers for Mulder and Scully back home.

- On the ride back to the house, Jason Lee calls. We do a post-mortem on the “Rats” screening and talk about his flick “Seymore Sycamore and Margaret Orange”. When I get to the house, we continue the chat. As I hang up, Jenny appears, flashing me. She throws on the music, we draw the curtains, and bone pretty hardcore, with a strong leaning toward “making love”. This is incredibly rare, as we’re not big into “making love”. When it comes to sex, we’re both pretty dirty – so we tend to fuck more than anything else.

- We lounge for a bit, post-coitus, until Jen hits the couch to have a smoke. I doze for a few minutes, then do a few phoners with Mark Voger of the Asbury Park Press (about “Silent Bob Speaks”) and Scott Bowles of USA Today (about “Sith”). Following that, I start updating the online diary, while Jen heads downstairs to check on Harley.

- As I finish getting the diary current, Jen hits the shower for her girls-night-out with Harley’s teacher and some other class Moms. I’ve been slated to do the Morgan Freeman thing tonight, dropping her and Cricket off at Orso’s. I hear the front door and wave to Harley, who’s going out to eat with Nan and Pop at the Cheesecake Factory. Jen finishes getting ready and offers me a peek at her outfit (she looks stunning). She pops her tiarra on, we pack Mulder and Scully into Byron and Gail’s room with Louis, and head off to grab Cricket.

- After I drop the girls off, I try to figure out what to do with the two or three hours I have to kill before pickup. I call Burke Williams about getting a massage, but they’ve got me on hold so long that I give up. I stop at Book Soup on Sunset to see if the new Empire is out (it’s not), then opt to head home.

- I let the dogs out on the patio, then grab a bite in the kitchen. I head downstairs to check out my TiVo options, and settle on a “Saturday Night Live” from 1980 (the barely-watchable Denny Dillon/Charles Rocket year before the rise of Eddie Murphy).

- Jen calls, and I head over to the Valley to grab her from Orso’s. I say hi to the Mom-squad in attendance, then whisk Schwalbach away because I’m parked in front of a fire hydrant. Jen wants to stop at In&Out on the way home, so I grab an iced tea.