Drew Gooden’s game-used shoes!

Would you build a motorized bar stool out of an old lawn mower? Are you suffering from a crippling case of dementia? Do you have a spare $165 — plus $10 S&H — just burning a hole in your pocket? If you answered “Yes, yea gods, yes!” to all three questions, then eBay has just the auction for you: A pair of game-used shoes worn by former Bull and beard legend Drew Gooden! Because nothing says “I love my Chicago Bulls!” quite like decorating your home with a couple of ratty sneakers that smell like Drew Gooden’s feet.

According to the product description: “Game Used Drew Gooden shoes size 17 marked promo. Purchased directly from the Chicago Bulls at last years National Sports Collectors Convention. Each pair comes with a buisness card from the Bulls employee that ran the both [sic]. See pictures For condition. Ask me any questions you may have.” In response, I sent the seller a question asking: “Do you really think, given the current financial crisis sweeping our fair country, that somebody is going to pay that much Gooden’s stanky old shoes?” So far: No response.

If you’re a more discriminating Bulls fan — and by “discriminating” I mean “cheap and not insane” — then maybe you should bid on this pair of game-used Randy Livingston warmup pants from the 2005-06 campaign. And since Randy only appeared in 5 games for a total of 22 minutes that season, you can be sure those babies saw a lot of use. Bid with confidence.