I think you can growable ball seeds off eBay. The Latin name is scrotumus maximus. They have to be kept at 36.6 degrees, so I reccomend putting them in your mouth. If anyone asks just tell them you're on the hamster diet. Where you have to eat hamsters.

Inject isotonic saline solution into your testicles. You can seriously get them up to the size of tennis balls like that. Then go round to hers, whap them out, thump them down onto her kitchen table and leer at her.

The added bonus of this technique is that when you cum, you can damn near fill a bucket.

Introduce yourself briefly, announce that you had taken 2 years to acquire balls of sufficient size to talk to her. Proceed to tell her it better have been worth it and you at least get a handjob, as the sperm is starting to ferment into a nasty brew of tadpole absinthe (the green kind).

•You have placed her on a pedestal. Sure you hooked up with her for a month and have known her for some time; but do you truly know her. She has made some bad choices in life and is still continuing to make them. She is not a healthy individual which leads onto the next point -

•You are not a healthy individual. You have been worshiping an UNAVAILABLE gal for many years. You need to wake up to reality and realize that your dream that you have built up for many years is mostly likely not going to happen.

•You want to be the knight in shinning armor and rescue this girl from all her troubles. Has she asked you to do that? Why are you trying to help someone that seems like they don't want help?

You should cut off all contact with her and move on with your life. Yeah, it sucks and you'll hurt for awhile, but you are missing out on so much more by focusing on this one girl who is UNAVAILABLE. Good luck.

The best place to grow balls is somewhere warm and dark. Really the best place is your ass. So put some ball seeds in there. Any of your friends should be able to plant some of his ball seeds in there directly.