We Choose Our Kings

Inspired by a comment by my wife, that gets right to the heart of what’s really wrong with the SCA. This is an original tune, so if you want to hear it, I’ll have to sing it at you. Someone pointed out in a comment that, technically, people who take headblows and don’t fall down are rhinohides, not winners. I replied:

We always make a point of telling the story that the rhoyal rhynohydes in question weren’t really rhinohiding, and it’s up to the individual participants to decide what is and isn’t chivalrous behaviour, and since nobody ever complains publicly it follows that it never ever happens.

The technical name for this sort of behaviour is enabling, though in the SCA we call it courtesy.

We live our lives in a secular democracy
Where freedom and equality
Are orders of the day.
But on weekends we plump for aristocracy,
A dreaming meritocracy
We call the SCA.

We grant acclaim for dedicated service:
You pull your weight for long enough
You get an AoA.
And if you work, the equal of a thesis,
An A&S award is how
We tell you you’re OK.
Or if you shine at following instruction,
You can be local officer
And work your life away.

But we choose our Kings by their ability
To take repeated head blows
And not fall down.

We play this Game with absolute sincerity.
The sombrest sobriety
Accompanies our fun.
And when we find a renaissance celebrity
Of talent and integrity
We tell him he’s the one.
We load him down with policy, propriety,
And all the stuff Society
Requires to be run.

But we choose our Kings by their ability
To take repeated head blows
And not fall down.

You take a chance, entrusting your activity
To any personality
Who hasn’t passed the grade.
And that is why we assess their productivity,
And vet them well before any
Appointment can be made.
Important tasks, like sticking on a bandage
Or booking halls for tutelage,
Are measured out and weighed.

But we choose our Kings by their ability
To take repeated head blows
And not fall down.

Yes we choose our Kings by their ability
To take repeated head blows
And not fall down.