As part of my work, I go to school to deliver programs to students from age 9 to 16 years old. While the contents may not change much over the years, one thing I discovered over the years is I have to more cautious and choose to use the right words in my delivery. Perhaps, I have two young kids of my own, age 6 and 8 and I would picture my kids in my mind when I am delivering my training at schools. If the students are not behaving (my kids), what would I do ?

Raising my voice at them, to my horror has not worked, perhaps a minute or so and they are back to the usual behaviour. Kids would still run around, talk in class with the teachers around and have a hard time keeping to time. They are like sheeps out in the wild and a shepherd is needed to guide them back to the farm.

There are many articles I have read on papers, magazines and online showing successful business owners who still remember vividly some of the nasty remarks that their primary or secondary school teacher had said to them. Some were belittling their intelligence, unable to understand why they could not listen in class or get the desired grades the teacher want.

I am glad the school system today has changed much and with lesser emphasis on grades and expanded to include extra curriculum activities as part of the total grading system. Many people in the midst of their career are still lost, unhappy with the job they got and clueless what to do and where to go from here. So, if we would pose this question to students while they are still studying, I would say it is unfair and unreasonable.

I remembered how lost I felt when I left school, only happy to find temporary solace in serving the National service. I thought I could use the time to think about what I want to do. At that time, the emphasis on career coaching was relatively unheard of , at least among my peer groups. The lucky ones knew they are going to do well in banks, study for their MBAs, etc while another group are merely groping in the dark, like shooting darts with closed eyes.

I was lucky as I discovered my extrovert nature and socialising with people is a strength that I did not know would do me well in the field of sales. I was hooked when I first did sales in my first company although I was paid a salary and not on commission. I love the challenge and meeting different people, convincing them about the products/services that my company would be able to help them with their business challenges. The persuasion skills I picked up was really working on each and every case I was thrown into. There were many trials and errors involved.

Years later, I had the opportunity to train interns and new sales persons and that was when I discovered I had the interest in training. Writing on the whiteboard, using a mixture of Steven Covey 7 habits and many self improvement ideas that I had picked up and my own real life case studies, I begin to see myself standing on stage , a bigger platform someday delivering motivational and encouraging messages to thousands of people. It was an electrifying feeling I got, one that I find direct selling to customers would not be able to offer me.

While in the context of communication, it is said that words consist of only 7% of the total communication mix while non-verbal takes up the remaining 97%, I am beginning to see the importance of this seeming small 7% playing a bigger role to the participants. If you had been hurt by someone's remarks before, you probably remembered the exact words more than the hand or body gestures or facial expressions that the other person was directing at you. Can you recall ?

Calvin's story is truly inspirational and brings forth the essence of this proverbs - words from the teachers can indeed be poison or fruit. Equally important, the words that we used on ourselves are crucial too. Are we sometimes being overly critical of ourselves, labelling failures over small mistakes, going to extremes and magnifying our shortcomings as permanent state? If we can be more forgiving towards others, we need to exercise the same treatment to ourselves as well. After all, if we do not love ourselves, how can our hearts be filled with compassion and generosity so that we can extend to others ?