(I can't believe I finally get inside this fandom and start writing a FANFIC of all things... Don't look at me. It's all their fault. It's all Nagisa and Ryouha's fault. *hugging my knees on the corner*)

Hello, everyone! I'm new here and this is my first 48G fanfic (and the first fanfic I write after a long time...) so please go easy on me. Ha ha. I was tempted by the lack of NagiUha around here so I just decided to make my own. The story itself was inspired by the song "Pierrot". I suggest watching the PV before reading this fic for the feels > here. And even though I said this is a One-shot I will divide this story into two parts: the main act and the epilogue. And it's quite a long fanfic so forgive me beforehand.

It’s okay, it’s alrightIt has always been my job to play the foolI’m just a nameless pierrot From the tiny circus of your heart

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“…and thus, the young girl fled the bustling town and broke down crying. Under the tree where she wept, a single clown appeared.”

A gentle music started to play while the stage light slowly faded in, showing a figure of a girl sitting by the makeshift prop of a tree. The girl covered her face with her hands. Her body shook slightly, as if she was crying. Suddenly a playful whistling could be heard and the girl raised her face, searching for the source of the voice.

“Hello ello, lil’ miss~ Why arth thou crying so?”

A tall girl with wavy black hair popped out from behind the tree, her red nose matched perfectly with the wide goofy smile on her silly face. The crying girl took a quick breath in surprise.

“Mr. Clown…”

“What a pity, yes, for such beautiful face to be stained by tears.”

“I…I’m just…

…

…

uuh, sorry…”

“Alright, cut!”

A loud stern voice boomed, halting the play into an abrupt stop. The room soon returned to its normal lighting and all of the casts ceased their activities; some fell to their knees panting, some simply sighed with sweats rolling down their face. But only one of them didn’t move, sitting silently in her spot in the middle of the stage, her long black hair hiding her face like the curtain itself. The director let out an exhausted sigh as she saw the girl, trying to calm herself down.

“Ryouha… How many times has it been now…”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“You know that this play is very important to our club, right?”

“…”

Yes. It was a very important play indeed, the one that might decide the future of their club. The drama club had been facing a crisis lately, with the third year members graduating and lack of second year members, they had to gain enough people or else the club would be shut down. It was a small club but it’s still a precious place full of memories for them, so the members simply couldn’t let it being disbanded. That’s why they decided to do a play on the upcoming Freshmen Welcome Party to attract new members.

There’s only two weeks left until the actual performance but somehow Kitagawa Ryouha, the main heroine of the play, still couldn’t pull off her act perfectly. And it surely troubled the whole group.

“We can’t rely on helpers all the time, Ryouha. You and me, plus Miki, Nagisa, and Mako. If we couldn’t get at least two more members that’s the end! Do you want that to happen?”

“…I’m sorry …”

“Then I’m counting on you.” Nana sighed and checked her watch.

It’s getting late. School started early tomorrow and she still needed to check the student council office for some documents. Even though she was a bit disappointed with today’s result, it’s about time to call it a day. She clapped her hands.

“Okay, that’s enough for today. All of you but Ryouha can leave.”

Ryouha tensed as she heard that, suddenly feeling all nervous. Would she get another scolding? Or maybe she’ll get substituted for different role? That’s much worse. Remembering the script all over would be like hell for her. A certain clown seemed to notice the worries in Ryouha’s eyes and she skipped on her feet, stepping in between the girl and the slightly angry Nana.

“Aww, stop being so stingy Naachan! It’s not Ryou-chan’s fault that she forgot her lines; my clownish face was just too funny that she ended up laughing! See?”

The girl tilted her head and put her index fingers to her cheeks, showing Nana her silly smile.

“That’s the problem, Nagisa. She is NOT supposed to laugh at your face on that scene.”

“Eeeh~ ”

Nagisa dropped her shoulder in a dramatic way to show her disappointment, before jumping up with a bright smile on the next second. She took a deep breath.

“Everyone!!"Nagisa shouted on top of her lungs "Nana said she’ll treat us to that yummy strawberry daifuku in front of our school! The last one to reach the store will be paying!!!”

Nana's eyes widened as she heard that, feeling a shiver crept up her spine.

“What, I didn’t—hey, STOP!”

She yelled with all her might but nobody was listening. They were already running out of the auditorium in a mad rush. Why of course! Nobody would refuse a delicious treat after a tiring rehearsal, especially from the usually very strict president of the club.

Nana paled as she saw the chaotic scene. 5 regular members and around 20 helpers in total...she'll broke! Nagisa could only laugh as she saw the overly serious girl ran with everything she had and tried to stop everyone like crazy.

“Oops, we better start running, too. Let’s go, Ryou-chan!”

Nagisa jumped down the stage and offered her right hand to Ryouha. The quiet girl stared at the smiling clown before her in awe, before touching the hand gently.

A small smile unconsciously formed on her face.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

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“Whooo, I’m beat! But that daifuku was yummy indeed~ ”

“You’re right.”

Nagisa and Ryouha strode down the empty sidewalk dyed in the color of spring, with all its pink-colored petals dancing in the air accompanying their way home. The two of them walked side by side, matching each other's steps in a perfect rhythm.

“Ha ha, that face Miki-chan made when she ate them was priceless! But I didn’t expect Naachan to pout and ask for one, too. In the end I'm the one who have to pay for all of them... Geez, I’m totally broke now!”

“It’s because you’re such a slowpoke, Nagi. And it’s your fault in the first place.”

“Eeh, well if you put it that way…”

Ryouha saw the girl wiping off the little sweats remaining on her forehead, skipping down the sidewalk happily beside her. Despite all her complaints Nagisa was smiling. And that radiant smile among the fallen petals of cherry blossoms looked so beautiful to Ryouha. Really, how could someone smile that much? She could never understand.

“Hm? Is there something on my face, Ryou-chan?”

“N-no. I was just…thinking to myself.”

“Is that so?”

Ryouha switched her attention to the ground, absentmindedly staring at the broken petals scattered around her feet. She could never be like Nagisa. A person so cheerful, so kind, so much that it felt like a lie. She was so dazzling that sometimes it hurt to see. Compared to Nagisa, she…

Drip, drip

Huh? Ryouha felt something wet on her cheek and she raised a hand to touch it.

Tears? Was she crying?

So after envying her bestfriend, she ended up crying? How pitiful, she thought to herself. The girl silently sobbed.

“Hello ello, lil’ miss~ Why arth thou crying so?”

“Eh?”

Ryouha blinked and raised her face to meet the red nose of a clown. She slapped the clown in surprise, making it stagger backward like a broken puppet.

“Ah, s-sorry! Are you alright?”

The clown raised an index finger to shush the girl, before showing a silly face.

“What a pity, yes, for such beautiful face to be stained by tears.”

“…what are you doing, Nagi?”

“Pardon? Who, may I ask, is this ‘Nagi’ person?”

Nagisa bowed in a clumsy manner, grinning from ear to ear.

“ Pierrot is how I am called. And it is my job, milady, to bring laughter to your beautiful face.”

The kansai girl switched her balance to one leg and jumped a few steps backward. She didn’t realize there was a cat sleeping nearby until it was too late.

“N-nagi, look out!”

HISS!

“Whoaaa!!!”

The cat lashed out as it felt Nagisa stepping on its tail, making the girl lost her balance and fall to the stack of cardboard boxes by the road side. She fell down with an ‘oomph’.

“That was scary…uh-oh…”

Nagisa’s eyes widened as she saw the tall stack of boxes shook dangerously, before falling onto her in a huge clatter. Ryouha gasped and ran to her side.

“Nagisa!”

“*cough cough* I’m fine. It’s just cardboard boxes.”

The clumsy clown popped her head out of the sea of cardboards and smiled, totally unharmed. Seeing that, Ryouha let out her own laugh.

“You’re such an airhead…”

“Well, I am your airheaded clown.”

“W-what do you mean by ‘your’…?”

Nagisa laughed as she saw Ryouha tried to hide her face with her hands; She took the girl’s both hands on her own, preventing her to cover the beet red face.

“Y’know what, Ryouha? You have very beautiful eyes. The brightest and most dazzling ones I ever see.”

Nagisa released the girl’s hands and stood, taking off her red clown nose. Ryouha followed suit and helped her dusting off her dirty uniform. The two girls started walking again, Ryouha hugging Nagisa’s left arm tightly this time. After a few seconds of silence Nagisa chirped.

“Oh yeah, about our club performance, I think I can help you.”

“You do?”

“Yup! You see, the problem’s that you keep laughing when you see my face, right? And that sometimes you forget your lines here and there.”

“Yeah…”

“Then let’s just train a zillion more! On lunch break, before school, after school—well, sometimes I gotta help the other clubs after school though, but anyways, let’s train in every spare time we have. Just the two of us!”

“The two of us?”

“That’s right. Nana and Mako have been busy with student councils while Miki has her idol jobs, so we can’t ask them to spend all their time. I can ask our club supervisor for the complete scripts; you just have to play your role while I’ll play the others.”

“But will you be alright? Memorizing that many on your own, not to mention your helper jobs…”

“Eh, who are you kidding? I’m the famous airheaded clown~!! My head’s all empty so I can fit any role without a prob, clank clank!”

Nagisa knocked her head lightly as she let out the sound effect, earning another soft laugh from Ryouha. They continued their walk together for a bit further until they reached a certain crossroad; Nagisa released her arm from Ryouha’s grip by then, much to the girl protest. She waved as they parted ways.

“Well then, Ryou-chan. See ya tomorrow~”

“Wait, Nagi!”

“Hm?”

Ryouha clenched her fist and gulped, gathering her courage.

“U-um, you… you live alone, right? I haven’t thanked you properly for today so, uh…”

“….”

“I-I can …”

“…”

“I can…cook you some dinner if you want…”

Nagisa stared at the girl with blank eyes, which made Ryouha felt a bit uncomfortable.

“…what are you staring at?”

She instantly looked away, scratching her nose.

“Um, no, sorry. I thought you gonna say something else back then.”

“…?”

“Well, ahem, anyways I’ve gotta go somewhere after this so I have to refuse. See ya!”

Something else?

…

…

Oh…

Ryouha instantly blushed as she realized what Nagisa was hinting at, but the kansai girl had already run for her life. She covered her burning face in embarrassment.

“Mou~ Nagisa, you idiot!!”

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I try to balance myself in the centerOf a tiny ball so round and shiny like the moonI’ll trip in a dramatic way and make everyone laughThen get back up and smiles like a buffon

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

“*cough* Alright, let’s see… The story of this play "The Lie-Tainted Clown" is about a clown and a country girl who were childhood friends. The country girl was such a crybaby so the clown always came to cheer her up whenever she’s sad. As they grew older they secretly started to love each other. But one day the country girl was engaged to a rich gentleman from the city.

‘The clown knew about it but he didn’t say anything because he wished the country girl to be happy. The country girl hesitated. Meanwhile, the rich gentleman felt that the clown was a hurdle so he decided to get rid of the clown. *cough cough* He bribed the other circus member to loosen the rope used for the clown’s performance. Once the clown walked on it, the rope collapsed and he fell to his demise.

‘The country girl quickly ran to the bloody clown, holding him as she cried. The clown smiled and told the country girl that he had always loved her, so he didn’t want to see her cry. The girl said that she always loved him too but she was too late. The clown had died and left her forever.

‘The end. Eeh, what a sad story… ”

Nagisa coughed some more and put away the synopsis beside the neatly arranged scripts, taking the narrator and the clown scripts with her. The two girls had been doing their special practices for about two weeks now. They would spend whatever spare time the had in the club room, rehearsing the play over and over into perfection. It was one day left until the real performance so they decided to re-check the whole scenes.

“Right, let’s get back to the play. Are you ready, Ryou-chan?”

Ryouha didn’t answer. Her attention was locked at the script on her hand, deep in thought.

“Beep, Beep, Hello? Earth to Ryouha, do you copy?” Nagisa approached her and poked her nose.

“ ..! Ah, sorry…”

“Finally reach you~ What’s wrong, need some help with the script?”

“No, I was just…wondering about something…”

Nagisa let out a hum in response before sitting on the nearby props of a crate.

“Well, Are you ready now?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright then *cough* I’ll start from the narrator.”

Nagisa took a deep breath.

“…the country girl went up the circus backstage to find the clown. And there he was sitting atop the huge crate. The girl approached the clown.”

She put away the narrator script, changing to her clown role.

“So we meet again, lil’ miss. Why, did you enjoy the show?”

“…” Ryouha stared at Nagisa’s silly face in silence.

Something was strange, she thought. Normally she would laugh at that face, but lately, as she saw it over and over again, she could no longer feel the same joy she used to feel from that dazzling smile. Instead, it made her felt uneasy. So, just like the country girl troubled by the clown unwavering smile, she would cry.

Ryouha turned her gaze to the floor and pretended to sob, playing out her script perfectly. Nagisa too, tilted her head innocently as the clown would.

“Why must you cry so much?”

“Your lies. It saddens me.”

That was partly a script and partly her true feelings.

The more she saw Nagisa, the more she felt like the bubbly girl fit the role perfectly. Way too perfectly.

nagisa pierrotAs ifshe was the clownherself, drowning in a lie.

“Really? But I told no lies, hm?”

Nagisa put her index fingers to her cheeks, grinning. The same innocent gesture both she and the clown shared. Ryouha clenched the script on her hand tightly.

What is this? Why am I feeling so afraid?

Nagisa lowered her fingers and pouted as Ryouha stopped following the suppose script.

“..oi, Ryou-chan~" She whined. "You’re supposed say the next line here~”

“…”

Ryouha switched her attention from the script to Nagisa, gazing into her jet black eyes. The girl tilted her head innocently.

“What is it? Is there something on my face again?”

“…you…you’ve been coughing a lot lately.”

Silence.

“Did something happen, Nagi?”

“…”

“Are you alri—”

“HEY, YOU!!!”

Ryouha jumped in surprise from the sudden shout, closing her ears as she watched Nagisa leaped down the props she was sitting and ran toward the door.

“Wait, don’t run! I just wanna talk with you!”

Nagisa disappeared behind the club’s door, some shrieks and shuffling sound following her right after.

Meanwhile Ryouha was watching the whole scene with wide eyes. What's going on? She thought to herself after the sudden turn of events. After a while the sounds stopped and Nagisa returned to the club room with a huge grin.

“Hey, Ryou-chan! Look what I found!”

“…”

“Aww, come on in you two. Don’t be shy.”

There was a few moment of silence until two figures appeared on the door.

One was a girl with long hair tied in a ponytail. She seemed to be wearing a dangerous glare while the other girl with shorter hair desperately tried to hide behind her. Ryouha narrowed her eyes as she saw their uniform. Junior High students? What are they doing here? The two girls stared back at Ryouha with the same puzzled expression.

“…who are they, Nagi?”

“Dunno. I found ‘em by the window. Say, won’t cha tell us your name? Ah, don’t worry about the tiger cub, she won’t bite.”

“Hey!”

Nagisa laughed as Ryouha yelled at her. Her action seemed to lighten the atmosphere a bit as the two younger girls looked less scared now. The one with the ponytail spoke.

“Um, excuse me.”

“Hm?”

“My name is Tashima Meru, and this is my friend Tomonaga Mio. We will be attending this high school starting this semester.”

“Ah, we’re sorry for watching without permission! We just happened to pass by and we got curious…”

“Chill out~ Nobody said you can’t." Nagisa patted the girl on her head.

"So, how’s it? Me and Ryouha’s performance?”

Meru turned to Mio and the timid girl gulped, gathering her voice.

“U-um, it’s amazing! I can feel all the feelings the two of you pour into it!”

“He he, y’hear that Ryou-chan? All those special practices were a great success~”

Ryouha nodded and smiled, feeling a bit embarrassed from the compliment. She started to forget the uneasy feeling from before. Nagisa sighed in relief as she saw the smile on Ryouha’s face. A light bulb clicked in her head.

“By the way, our club will be performing on the Freshmen Welcome Party tomorrow. Don’t forget to watch us, ‘kay?”

“Y-yes! We will!”

The two freshmen shouted at the same time, earning another laugh from Nagisa. They gave another bow and left the clubroom hand in hand. Just as they left, the school’s bell rang.

“Seems like it’s time to for us to go too. Oh and Ryou-chan? Can you come here for a bit?”

Ryouha blinked. What is it now? She walked toward Nagisa, eyeing the girl suspiciously. Suddenly Nagisa flicked her on the forehead.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

The taller girl sighed and took the heroine’s script from Ryouha’s grip, straightening the crumpled papers.

“Oh, well. Tomorrow is the big day, so makes sure to re-check the script over and over, ‘kay?”

Ryouha nodded, mouthing a small ‘ok’. Nagisa smiled and gave the script back to the girl, stuffing the other scripts into her bag. Suddenly she started coughing again.

Ryouha turned to see Nagisa covered her mouth as her coughing getting worse; she cringed as she heard the painful sound.

“Nagi—”

“It’s just a minor cold, don’t worry...”

Nagisa quickly slipped her right hand into her pocket as her coughing stopped and continued to pack her bag with one hand awkwardly. Ryouha stared at her partner. It was the first time she saw the kansai girl looked so agitated, so she decided not to press the matter any further. She tried to change the topic.

“…did you volunteer to help another club today?” Ryouha said quietly to lighten the mood.

“Hm? Yup, you know me! People’s been busy here and there so I just gotta help ‘em out.”

“Which club are you helping this time?”

“Broadcasting Club. Yamada-senpai is graduating shortly, so I’ll be helping Jonishi-senpai with the radio until they find a replacement.”

“Then you get that secret schedule afterwards.” Ryouha said teasingly.

“Eeh, it’s a part-time job I told ya.”

She sighed and crossed her arms.

“Don’t tire yourself out. And eat properly.”

“A ha ha, I got it mommy~”

Nagisa lifted her backpack to one shoulder and walked past Ryouha, waving her goodbye.

"Well, see ya~"

Ryouha followed her movements with her eyes until the girl reached the door.

“If the country girl noticed the clown’s true face a bit faster… would they be able to reach a Happy End ?"

"..." Nagisa stopped on her track, one hand planted on the doorknob as she glanced at Ryouha.

She didn’t answer.

She only smiled, a very soft and sad smile,

before leaving through the door.

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I saw you crying there in the audiencesPlease don’t look so sad, I’ll wipe away those tears for youAs long as you laugh for me I won’t feel any painSo look as this clumsy clown trying and falling once again

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“Alright, everyone! It’s thirty minutes before show time, make sure that everything is ready!”

It was finally the day of the performance and Nana’s voice could be heard throughout the whole backstage commanding the helpers here and there, busy with the show’s preparation. Meanwhile Ryouha was sitting quietly on the corner, gripping her phone tightly in her hands. She was already dressed as the country girl, with the long dress and all, but something was bothering her.

The clown was still nowhere to be seen.

And it seemed she wasn’t the only one bothered by it.

“WHERE IS NAGISA!?”

Nana asked the nearby student but they only shook their head, not knowing anything. Ryouha bit her lip. Please be okay… The girl silently prayed as she pressed the dial button for what seemed to be the countless time.

…

…

“Hello?”

Ryouha’s eyes widened.

“Nagisa, are you alright? Where are you!?”

There was a few moment of silence on the other end, before a voice answered.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not Nagisa.”

“..eh?”

A woman voice; A voice that Ryouha didn’t know.

Nagisa’s supposed to live by her own, so who is she?

“Sorry to startle you, I’m Nagisa’s older sister. I just came from Osaka to look after her.”

Ryouha blinked, trying to register what’s going on.

Her sister? Well, Nagisa did tell her that she had an older sister. But what is her sister suddenly doing in Tokyo?

“Err, is there something you need?”

“Y-yes!" Ryouha tried to compose herself. "I’m sorry for shouting earlier, I thought you were Nagisa…”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s that girl’s fault for forgetting her phone. She’s always been such an airhead.”

“ …forgetting…so Nagisa is not there with you?”

“No... Actually that girl hasn’t been answering her phone since the morning. I thought she was sleeping so I entered her apartment with a spare key, but I can’t find her anywhere. I’m looking for her now, too.”

“…I see.”

Ryouha felt a bit disheartened as she heard that, but there was still something she was curious about.

“Um, excuse me for asking this but… What do you mean by looking after Nagisa? Is her cold getting worse?”

The person on the other end sounded a bit surprise at the question.

“Are you Nagisa’s friend?”

“Yes. My name is Ryouha; Kitagawa Ryouha.”

“Kitagawa? Ah, I see… so she didn’t tell you.”

Ryouha gripped her phone tighter, her voice trembled.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“That girl, Nagisa is—“

The conversation stopped instantly as Ryouha felt her phone disappear from her grip; someone just forcefully snatched her phone. She glared at the culprit, but once she recognized the person, the anger on her eyes was quickly replaced by shock.

“...Na..gi?”

The said girl looked at the phone screen and pushed the end call button without hesitation, before turning to Ryouha with a smile.

“Sorry I’m late, Ryou-chan...”

Ryouha stared at her partner as if she was seeing a ghost, but before she could say anything Nana came between the two.

“Where were you, Nagisa!?" The distressed club president yelled. "There’s only fifteen minutes left until the show and—“

The clown patted the restless girl on both shoulders.

“Aww, calm down Papa~ I know you’re worried, but I’m all fine~”

“Wha—who’re you calling ‘papa’!? And I’m a girl!”

Nagisa laughed.

“Then stop being all tense~ Just give me a minute to breath and I’ll be ready, ‘kay?”

“...fine. I’ll tell the crew to get your costume and props ready shortly.”

“Gotcha~”

Nagisa gave Nana a playful salute and watched her disappear once again into the busy backstage. She returned her attention to Ryouha.

“Ready to roll, Ryou-chan?”

Ryouha brought her eyes to the floor.

“…don’t give me that, Nagi.”

“Hm?”

“Stop playing dumb and tell me what’s going on! I just talked to your sister and—”

“Ah, don’t mind her. My sister’s always been overprotective, ha ha.”

“…”

Nagisa let out an awkward laugh, trying to lift up the heavy atmosphere. But it didn’t seem to work.

Ryouha clicked her tongue.

She didn't like that response. Oh no, not a bit.

She took a step forward, alerting Nagisa.

“Err, Ryou-chan? Are you angry?”

The quiet girl didn’t answer and keep walking. Nagisa gulped and took a step back, standing rigid as Ryouha stopped only a few feet away from her. She flinched and closed her eyes as Ryouha raised her hand, ready for any impact.

TAP--

A warm hand touched her cheek and Nagisa reopened her eyes.

“…you’re cold. And you look pale.”

Her gaze instantly met Ryouha’s; she could clearly see the tears hidden behind the brown orbs, threatening to spill.

“You’re sick, aren’t you?”

“…”

“Nagi…”

No. She couldn't let that happened. The girl took a safe distance away from Ryouha's touch.

“Eeh, it’s probably the cold. But don’t worry, I’m still all pumped!”

Nagisa tried to cheer up her partner, but suddenly her coughing fit returned and she covered her mouth with both hands.

Ryouha’s eyes widened as she saw a pool of red slowly formed on the floor, watching how they seeped through Nagisa's pale white fingers and fell in a silent drip. She released her grasp on the girl and staggered back, her eyes filled with horror.

“So you finally found out…”

Nagisa wiped the remaining blood from her lips, giving Ryouha a soft smile.

“Nagi…you…what…“

“Well, this is bad. The audiences will suspect something if I stand on the stage looking like this.”

She ignored the terrified girl and kept talking casually as she usually do.

“Wait, I know!" Nagisa snapped her fingers and walked to the nearby box, fumbling with it. "I’ll use this and WA-LA! Nobody will know anything wrong, right?”

She pulled out a silly clown mask and put it on, before showing her trademark innocent pose; a pose that could no longer made Ryouha laugh.

...

No response.

Nagisa drooped her shoulders and let out a whine as she saw the expression on Ryouha’s face.

“Aww, why do you look so sad? There’s nobody who can play this role better than me, you know that. So let’s make this show a big biiiig success for everyone’s sake. Okay?”

Ryouha didn’t answer. It was as if her tongue had gone numb, and she couldn’t say anything.

“Ryou-chan?”

She understood now, why the country girl was always crying when she saw the clown’s performance. Because right now, seeing that huge smiling face, she too felt like crying. She clenched her hands tightly, trying to stop her trembling.

“…why? …since when?”

“…”

“…why didn’t you tell me anything?”

“I’m alright...“

Suddenly the clown hugged her gently and she gasped under her breath.

“As long as you keep smiling I won’t feel any pain.”

Ryouha closed her eyes, trying to fight back her tears.

Liar...

That’s definitely a lie...

The girl shouted loudly in her head but her voice wouldn’t come out. She could only stand there, frozen against the clown soft embrace.

The song and the oneshot made me realise that this is a representation of my life.... I felt sad and happy reading and listening to it, thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing this and I hope to read the epilogue soon

Ryouha turned to see Nagisa covered her mouth as her coughing getting worse; she cringed as she heard the painful sound.

“Nagi—”

“It’s just a minor cold, don’t worry...”

Nagisa quickly slipped her right hand into her pocket as her coughing stopped and continued to pack her bag with one hand awkwardly. Ryouha stared at her partner. It was the first time she saw the kansai girl looked so agitated, so she decided not to press the matter any further. She tried to change the topic.

‘If the country girl noticed the clown’s true face a bit faster… would they be able to reach a Happy End ?"

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

Heart failure.

A condition where the heart is weakened and can’t function properly, making it unable to provide enough blood to sustain the body.

It is an incurable condition that grows worse over time.

And I was born with that condition.

…

…

Naw, don’t be sad. It’s not as scary as it sounds.

It’s not like I have to spend my days in the hospital lying on a bed; I could still go through my life normally just like everyone. It’s just that…my body was a bit more fragile than the average person; it’s easier for me to get tired and fainted from a simple daily activity. And that, of course, worried everyone around me.

As far as I can remember I had spent my early childhood being a burden to everyone. Whether at school or at home people would see me with sad eyes and kept me away from doing anything, saying how pitiful I am to live with such condition. At some point I was fed up with the special attention. When was it again… Was it back in elementary school? Yeah, the class was doing their annual New Year’s cleaning back then and I decided to help them out. The scene was still fresh in my memories; I remembered carrying a bucket full of water to the classroom with a happy smile, and the next time I blinked I found myself staring at the white ceiling of the school’s infirmary, my mother hugging me tightly as she cried.

I didn’t understand.

I just wanted to help but why did I make everyone sad instead?

That moment, something struck my young mind.

Oh, yeah… I forgot… I am just a failure…

Whatever I do will only make everyone sad…

Yes.

A failure.

A person that already has the time of their death set on a stone, yet keep burdening everyone as they live.

The worst of the worse.

That is my role.

You see, I am just one of the many casts playing in this grand stage called ‘life’. The script had already been written long before I was born and I had no other choice but to follow my role. So I gave up trying to do something ‘right’ because it definitely would end up a failure. And as a failure I would only make people sad. That thought passed my mind as I walked down the crowded street of Osaka that was dyed in the red color of sunset, staring at the scenery around me with blank eyes.

It was then that I met that thing.

A silly thing that was balancing itself on top of ball before falling in a dramatic way.

That thing too is a tremendous failure, I thought.

But what I saw after that was something that I’d never forgot until now.

clown"That thing" was smiling.

It fell and made a big mistake but it was still smiling.

And the people around it too, laughed.

I was filled with nothing but awe as I saw that scene. There were no sad faces or disappointment; only a big laughter filling the street as the clown clumsily tried to balance itself once again. No matter how many mistakes it made, no matter how much a failure it was, everyone would only laugh at the silly buffon.

So I too, decided to be a clown.

A nameless clown whose only purpose is to be laughed at.

It’s fine, isn’t it? Pain, or sadness, or anger, or anxiety; I didn’t need any of that. Maybe I couldn’t change the fact that I’m a failure but at least I could make people laugh from it. And nameless as I am, nobody would remember or cry for me once I’m gone.

See? It’s an ending where everyone would be happy in the end.

--A beautiful and mesmerizing tragedy of a fool.

So to put that scenario in motion I decided to continue high school in Tokyo, away from people who might know about my ‘unfortunate’ condition. It’s only when I said I’d do a check up regularly every night that my family decided to let me go.

It was such a perfect script, I must say.

I put on my goofy mask and played the fool while the whole class would laugh at my silly play. Back then, that girl was the only one that wouldn’t laugh. I could still remember. The first time we met she was always sitting at the back of the class, so nervous, so quiet, so full of fear. Just like me she just moved to Tokyo from Nagoya because of her parent’s job, and it seemed that it’s hard for her to adapt to the new environment. That girl always looked so sad.

Somehow I felt that it’s my duty to make her smile.

I wasn’t sure what made me do that, but once I saw her beautiful smile, I felt like I didn’t need anything else to add to my story.

…

…

But.

When I think about it again…

Perhaps that was the first mistake I made on the perfect script.

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

I woke up to the familiar white ceiling and the strong smell of antiseptics. It didn’t take me long to recognize where I was; I knew this place like the back of my hand.

“…and here I am again… ha ha…”

Aah, so the story hasn’t ended yet? That kinda killed the mood. I weakly laughed.

Where was I again? Oh yeah.

I remembered standing on the stage in the Freshmen Welcome Party and now here I was lying on a hospital bed. Did I collapse in the middle of the play? If so, then this is bad. What would I say to everyone? Just as I was thinking about that I heard the door leading to my ward being opened.

“Nagi…?”

A soft voice; I knew that voice.

I glanced to my right to find Ryouha standing by the door, one hand still planted on the doorknob as she stared at me with wide eyes. I slowly rose into a sitting position and gave her my usual smile.

“Hiya, Ryou-chan~ How’s it been?”

She didn’t answer; she closed the door behind her quietly and I could see her body trembled. Oh no, will she start crying again? I tried to light up the atmosphere.

“Aww, don’t look so sad~ I’m fine now, really.”

“…is that so?” She said plainly as she walked toward my bed, taking a chair to sit beside me.

“You’ve been out for three days, Nagi…”

“Really? I do feel like I’ve been sleeping for a long time. Ha ha.”

“…”

…

…

Well, this is getting awkward. Why wouldn’t she say anything?

“S-say, Ryou-chan!” I shouted. “How did our club performance go?”

Ryouha flinched, and I could see her clenching her hands on her lap.

“...things got a bit hectic when you suddenly fainted, but fortunately we managed to find someone to replace your role. Even now Nana is still blaming herself for the incident so Miki is currently trying to cheer her up.”

“Geez, that overly serious girl... Maybe I should drop by her house to surprise her. But all’s well that ends well, right~”

“…”

Ryouha switched her gaze to the floor, hiding her face from me. Uh-oh. Did I say something wrong?

“Nagi…” She whispered, just for the two of us to hear. “Our club has been disbanded.”

Huh?

“W-we managed to carry out the play… but the fact that you collapsed quickly spread. In the end the school decided to ban our club from any further activities…”

She switched her gaze to me, clasping her hand above mine.

“Look, nobody is blaming you for this.”

…I see. So that’s what happened.

“Everyone is just glad that you’re okay—“

“It IS my fault.”

I said matter-of-factly, giving her a small smile. She clenched my hand tighter.

“That’s not true! It’s—“

“Aah, I messed up again~~”

I threw my arms to the air and fell back to the pillow like an over-excited kid, laughing.

“It’s a failure~ Another big biiiig failure~ A ha ha ha~”

Ryouha stared at me in disbelief as my laugh echoed throughout the small room.

“I’m sorry Ryou-chan, even though you’ve given your best… Geez, I should’ve taken more pain-killers back then. At least it’ll make me last until the end of the play.”

I laughed.

I laughed and laughedand laughed.

I laughed until my chest felt hurt.

And I kept on laughing.

“…is it funny?”

My laughter stopped and I turned my face to Ryouha, giving her an innocent smile.

“No, Ryouha. That won’t do.” I pushed her away, forcing a smile to my face.

“I’m a clown, Ryouha!

lie-taintedThe Nameless Clown!!

It is my job to smile for everyone and make them laugh. IT IS MY JOB TO SMILE FOR YOU!

No matter what happen to me, I... I have to—“

Drip...

Drip...

“…huh?”

Something wet rolled down my cheek. I raised a hand to touch it.

“Hey, Ryouha. What is this?”

“…”

“There’s something in my eyes and it made them go blurry and—”

“Calm down, Nagi…they’re only tears.”

Tears…

Tears?

So she's saying that I am…crying?

…

No. I wiped them away desperately. No, it has to be a mistake.

I’m a clown; It’s impossible for me to cry! I am NOT supposed to be able to cry!!

Then why—

“You’re not a clown...”

I froze as I heard those words.

“You are Nagisa. Shibuya Nagisa.”

...it’s so strange.

It was my name, my own name, and yet it sounded so unfamiliar as if it was the first time I heard it.

Ryouha took my hands on hers and stared deeply into my eyes, the same way I always did for her whenever she’s crying.

“You moved from Osaka to continue your study and you lived by your own now. You’re a bit airheaded but you always put everyone before you. You’re bad at cooking so I always make you a bento for lunch. You are the ace of the drama club and everyone loved you. Your smile is very beautiful.

‘You’re not just a nameless clown; you are very important to all of us. You are…important to me…”

“…”

“T-that’s why…more than the club or anything else…I can’t bear losing you most…”

She retracted her hands and switched her gaze away, suddenly looking all nervous. I fixed my eyes on her, trying to find my voice.

“…is it really alright?”

“…?”

What is this? My chest felt hurt and I couldn't speak clearly. I gulped.

“I’m a failure. If I can’t smile I would only be a burden. Even then, are you still okay with me?”

“Nobody ever said that you’re a burden, Nagi… B-besides, as I said before…whatever happen from now we will face it...together…”

That very statement struck me stronger than anything. And the tears that I had been holding for years finally broke free

I hugged her close, tightly in my arms.

“N-nagi? What are you...?”

“Thank you.”

“…”

"Thank you for staying by my side..."

I felt her hugging me back in response and I hugged her even tighter, letting out all the feelings I had kept until now.

I could no longer be the perfect clown.

There will come the days where I’ll be sad, or angry, or laugh, or smile, or be in pain.

Mako jumped as Nana gave her a sharp glare; she switched her eyes to the ceiling, looking for something to say. What’s wrong with them? Finally, Mako sighed and stepped inside.

“Err, actually our drama club has been disbanded.”

“I’ve heard ‘bout that.”

“Really? Then this will make thing simpler.”

She took a piece of paper from her pocket and handed it to me.

Hm? What is this? A club forming application?

“A pair of freshmen submitted this to the student council’s office yesterday.”

My eyes widened as I recognized the applicants' names.

Tomonaga Mio. Tashima Meru.

“Mako…this is…”

“Yeah. They said they wanted to join our club at first, but since the original drama club was disbanded they decided to make a new one. And since they need seven members I was thinking that maybe we could help them.”

I read it more closely, scanning through names written on the members section.

“But don’t even think I’ve forgotten about your condition. Listen. Mako and I will try to do something for the school to let you join, but in return I will put extra caution around you.”

“Well, uh, yeah…”

Mako gave her an awkward laugh.

“Anyways, just think about it carefully, okay? See you.”

She pushed the other two outside and closed the door, leaving me and Ryouha by our own again.

I smiled widely. A real smile of mine.

“Whoa, Ryou-chan! This is amazing! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“…”

She mumbled something I couldn’t hear.

“Err, Ryou-chan? I can’t hear ya if you cover your face like that…”

She lowered her hands to show her flushed face.

“I said, how can I say it if you’ll end up hurting yourself again! You idiot!”

Ouch. Is this what they call mental pain?

I let out a soft laugh as she huffed and looked away.

“Eeh, but you will stay and look after me this time, right?”

I nudged her arm playfully.

“…maybe you should’ve just died back then.”

“That’s cruel!”

I faked a pout and she smiled, hitting me on my shoulder.

This too is a pain, huh? But well the happiness outdo it.

I turned my eyes toward the window, watching the beautiful scenery of cherry blossoms dancing by the wind.

I felt Ryouha’s hand over my own and I squeezed them gently, intertwining our fingers.

I am a clown and a failure.

I already have the time of my death set on a stone.

But why is it that she still stays by my side?

So I thought maybe… Just maybe…

I’m not that much of a perfect failure.

And perhaps this mesmerizing story of the lie-tainted clown, will fold its curtain with a Happy End .

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

you finally show me what’s behind that mask your true face that you never show to the audiencesit’s alright, you don’t have to smile all the timeall those pains you kept inside, all those tears you silently shed

It's a heartbreaking when seeing Nagisa desperately tried to claim herself a clown, while Ryouha tried to remind her that she's Shibuya Nagisa with full of cares...and then... The three-peeking-girls revealed and I ended up laughing hard.

Now I'm able to see a 'clown' in a different perspective... Hontou ni Arigatou gozaimasu, jubethehare-san...

Thanks for reading this fic. And as a bonus, I kinda made an art for this...

On to the comments!!

@Ruka Kikuchi : It's happy end~~

@kyundere : Sure, I'll give my best!

@niineechan : kochira koso, arigatou.

@kuro_808 : Yes, sir! ..or ma'am ...or...whatever... *salute*

@ChibiRine : You're welcome~ The next story is on the grill, probably ready by the start to September so look forward to it!

@Rena-chan Daisuki : Did you say tragedy...? Sure. I'll call you once I get the ticket to BrokenKokoro-ville ready in hand

@MaYukiIsLife : Glad you like it! I'm still new so I'll be finding my way around the fandom first I guess, so please wait for it~

....and somehow. Somehow, somehow, somehow... I made an extra chapter too. (don't ask me, ask my brain. Before I realized it's already making a plot without my permision. And it's sickeningly heart-warming and sweet that my melancholic side starting to get diabetes... *return to my spot on the corner of the room*) But anyways, I hope you enjoy the story~

“—and there, if you can just improve your facial expression around that part it’ll be perfect.”

“I see…”

Ryouha nodded and jotted down some words on her notebook, watching the TV screen closely as her two seniors from the former drama club pointed out the mistakes on the play. A few weeks had passed since the original club was disbanded, and now that she was a core member of the newly formed drama club she felt like she needed to improve her ability to keep up with the others. Especially since her partner was the ace of the club. There’s no way that she would lose. Ryouha gripped her notebook tighter in resolution.

Right, let’s practice harder next time.

“I guess that’s all we can say.”

“O-oh, okay. Thanks for your time, Matsui-senpai.”

She bowed to one of the seniors and turned to the other one.

“And…matsui-senpai.”

The two matsui looked at each other and sighed. The one with the shorter hair flicked her nose and Ryouha flinched.

“It’s Jurina-senpai and Rena-senpai. Geez, how am I supposed to know who’s who? But if you wanna make it short you can always call us Double Matsui. Got it?”

Ryouha nodded, rubbing her nose. The quiet girl bowed one more time before walking toward the tv set, pushing the stop and eject button to retrieve the recording and put the disk on its designated box.

“But I must say you’ve been improving, Ryouha.” Rena said as she watched her junior tidying the club’s property. “And you’ve gotten better in voicing your opinion lately. Did something good happen?”

Ryouha paused. An image of a certain clown flashed in her mind and she softly laughed.

“I guess…it’s something like that.”

“That’s good.”

The two girls flashed each other a smile while Jurina narrowed her eyes suspiciously at them. Suddenly something clicked in her mind and she snickered.

“What with that ominous smile?”

“Oh nothing, Rena-chan, nothing… I was just wondering…”

She turned her eyes to Ryouha who started to feel nervous from the dangerous look she was given.

“Hey, Uha. It’s not ‘something’ but ‘someone’, right~?”

Ryouha almost dropped the box on her hands and Jurina laughed in victory. She put the box on the nearby shelf, her eyes darting around nervously.

“It—it’s not—“

“Aha, I knew it! So who is it? Who’s the lucky one? Huh? Huh?”

STOMP

“It hurts~~!!”

Jurina yelped in pain as Rena stepped on her foot hard, sighing. Ryouha cringed as she heard the painful sound.

“Stop embarrassing the poor girl. Besides, she said ‘it’s not it’.”

“Eeh~ But Rena-chan, she’s making that same face as you when we—ouch! That frickin hurts!!”

The girl gave her partner another stomp, a slight blush could be seen on her cheek. She turned to Ryouha who was watching the whole scene with wide eyes.

“Please don’t mind this girl, she always says whatever in her mind.”

“I-it’s okay…”

“Oh, I know. As an apology Jurina and I will help tidying the rest of the club room. We’ll give the key to Nana after we’re finished.”

Jurina’s ear perked as she heard this and she whistled.

“My, Rena-chan~ It’s only after school and you’re already—guh!”

She was stopped short as Rena punched her on the gut.

“Would you shut up and start working? See you again, Ryouha.”

“…y-yeah. Thanks again for your help, senpai.”

Ryouha gave the two matsui an awkward smile, before bowing and left the club room in a swift. After she’s sure she had reached a safe distance from the room she slowed her pace into a walk. The girl sighed loudly, watching her black shoes tapping against the white floor of the school’s hallway. Well, it’s not like Jurina-senpai was wrong though… She shook her head as she felt a blush rising to her face, trying to fight it off.

It’s all that stupid clown’s fault! I wonder where she is now. If I’m not mistaken she’s helping Owarai Club today…

The quiet girl mulled to herself as she turned on the next corridor leading to the said club, grumbling. A familiar tall figure was seen in the distance and Ryouha quickened her steps; though she hated to admit it, her face brightened as she saw that stupid yet charming smile.

“Nagi—“ “Thanks for your help today, Nagisa!”

Ryouha skidded into a stop, her legs moved as if in reflex and she quickly hid behind the nearest wall, her heart thumping loudly in her chest. Wait, why am I hiding? But still… The girl peeked from behind the wall.

“We were really troubled when Ripopo suddenly couldn’t make it today.”

“Glad I can help, Watanabe-senpai~ If you need any more help just call out this clown~”

Ryouha rolled her eyes as Nagisa put on her trademark pose. She turned her attention to the other girl. She knew that girl. Watanabe Miyuki, 3rd year; a member of Owarai Club and one of the popular girls in the school. The girl had a reputation of seducing people all over the school and making them do whatever she wanted, earning her a nickname ‘Warukii’. A dangerous person, Ryouha mentally noted. She had to drag Nagisa away fast.

“But I heard that you get sick easily. Are you okay?”

“Well, uh, actually…yes. Ha ha… That’s why I was given the maximum of helping one club in a day now. So it’s better if you can tell me in advance if you need any help~”

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. And for today’s payment…”

“Nah, I never take payment, senpai. I’m just happy to help.”

“Eeh, that won’t do. It’s nothing much, here bow down a bit.”

“Hm?”

Ryouha nearly felt her heart jumped out of her mouth as she saw the older girl planted a kiss on Nagisa’s cheek.

“There you go~”

“…thank...you.”

“MIIIII~~~RUUUKIIIIIII~~~!!!”

Ryouha flinched as she heard a loud voice boomed from what supposed to be Owarai Club’s room and Miyuki sighed.

“Whoopsie, looks like Sayaka needs some attention. Gotta go, he he~”

The girl winked and returned to the room, closing the door behind her. Nagisa could still hear some of their conversation.

“Yes, yes~ What is it, Sayanee?”

“Did you eat the pudding I put aside on the table?”

“Eeh~ It’s yours?”

“IT IS! I EVEN WROTE MY NAME!!”

“Aww, sorry. I’ll give you a kiss in apology.”

“Whuh—wha-what do you think you're doing!? STOP!!”

Nagisa let out an awkward laugh and slowly stepped away from the door. Ryouha watched the scene in silence. This feels like a déjà vu… The girl sighed before stepping out from behind the wall.

“Nagi—“ “Nagi-chan! There you are!”

Another one!?

Ryouha mentally cursed as she instinctively return behind the wall, trying to identify the newcomer.

“I’ve been looking for you.”

“Oh, Keicchi-senpai. What’s up?”

Jonishi Kei, 3rd year; the current president of broadcasting club after the graduation of Yamada Nana. Nagisa had been helping her with the radio a few times so Ryouha knew.

“Can you help me with the radio like usual tomorrow?”

“Eeh, you haven’t found a replacement yet?”

“No, the freshmen are still not ready… Say, why don’t you be a regular?”

What? Ryouha digged her fingers into the wall. What did she say?

“Sorry, can’t do that, senpai. I’m part of the drama club, you know that. And I can’t join more than one club due to my health condition.”

Ryouha let out her breath in relief. Seemed like Nagisa had learned how to say ‘no’ to people now; that would make her job easier.

“That’s too bad. But can you help out, tomorrow?”

“Sure thing~ Lunch break or after school?”

“Is both not possible?”

“Nope.”

“After school then.”

“Gotcha. See ya tomorrow, senpai~”

Nagisa waved as Kei walked up the stairs and disappeared into the second floor. Meanwhile, Ryouha looked around to see if there’s anyone else. Okay, all clear. She took a deep breath and stepped out of her hiding place.

“Na—“ “NAGI-CHAN SENPAAAAIIIIII~~~!!!!”

Ryouha found herself back behind the wall, planting her face to the hard surface in frustration.

Oh, what now… Where did she come from anyway!?

She raised her face just in time to see a girl in baseball uniform tackled Nagisa on her waist, knocking the air out of the tall girl.

“Hiya, Shu-chan. ‘s the Baseball Club done trainin’ already?”

“Yup! The first-years’ cleanin’ the field now.”

Oh yeah, she knew that girl. The first year from Osaka who had been hanging around Nagisa lately; Yabushita Shu. It seemed like Nagisa was quite fond of the younger girl too, seeing how they talked to each other with full-blown Kansai-ben.

“First years? Ain’t that include ya as well?”

“ ‘f course it is. Can’t cha come an’ help us, Nagi-senpai?”

“Eeh, physical activities are no-no to me.”

“Then just cheer us up from the bench! C’mon, c’mon~”

Ryouha felt her eye twitch as the freshman proceeded to drag Nagisa by her arm. That’s it, she had enough.

“Ahem. Excuse me.”

The two girls turned to find Ryouha standing with her arms crossed.

“Ah, Ryou-chan!”

“Oh, tiger cub-senpai~ ‘sup~”

Shu gave her a half-hearted greeting and Ryouha felt her eye twitch again; she hated this girl already. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

“Sorry Yabushita-san, but Nagi can’t help you today. Physical activities aside, she can only help one club in a single day due to her poor health. So, if you just…let her go…”

She pulled Nagisa on her other arm, giving Shu a dangerous glare. The younger girl glared back.

“What’s that gotta do with ya, tiger cub-senpai?”

“Because…I’m the one dealing with her schedule…”

“Really? Why’s that? What’re ya, her manager?”

Nagisa started to sweat nervously as the tension between the two girls rose, her eyes darting around to find something to distract them. Fortunately luck was on her side.

“Shu! Get back here, ya lazy-bum!”

Shu growled as she heard one of her teammates shouted from the field. Nagisa grinned, swinging her left arm that was being caged on Shu’s deathgrip.

“Look! Haruna is callin’ so ya better run before she’s explodin’ again~”

“But senpai…“

“SHU! Need me to drag yer lazy ass here!?”

“Tch, I heard ya, Haru! I’m comin’ now so stop yellin’! Sheesh…”

The first year spat a curse under her breath before releasing the arm.

“See ya again, Nagi-senpai. Ms.Annoying-senpai.”

“Wha—“

Nagisa clenched Ryouha on her hand to stop her as Shu ran to the field sticking her tongue out.

“Calm down, Ryou-chan. Shu is just being childish.”

“You mean being a ‘Kusogaki’ she is.”

“Well, in a way, yes. She is.”

Nagisa let out a laugh and Ryouha huffed. Well, looks like that’s all of them. Ryouha squeezed the hand tighter, locking their fingers together.

“…let’s go home.”

“Sure thing, let’s go~”

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

“Home sweet home~”

Nagisa sang as she dived into the couch head first like a child, earning a little laugh from Ryouha. The girl shook her head at her partner’s silly behavior.

“Sorry, sorry.” Nagisa let her arm hung over the headrest, passing the grocery to Ryouha.

“What’re you gonna make for dinner?”

“Is Omurice good enough?”

“That’s plenty~ Bye bye cup ramen, I’m not gonna miss ya~”

Ryouha let out another laugh. Ever since Nagisa was discharged from hospital the whole club had been taking an extra care of the girl, making sure that she didn’t overwork herself and taking proper meal. And thanks to Nagisa’s abnormal cooking ability they also took turn making her lunch and stopping by her place to make dinner. Sometimes Miki and Mako would drop by, but mostly it was Ryouha because the two were busy with their other job; Nana was not good with cooking herself so they decided to keep her away while the two freshmen already got their hands full trying to adapt to the new high school life. Geez, what a troublesome girl… But I guess she deserves it after all she’s been through. Ryouha smiled before calling the said girl.

“Nagi, the food is ready.”

There was no response and Ryouha called her one more time.

“Nagi?”

“…ah, sorry. I dozed off.”

Nagisa sat, showing her big wide smile before walking toward the dining table. She stared at the two plates of Omurice with watery mouth. Ryouha sighed as she saw the reaction, taking off her apron and sat on the chair adjacent to her.

“..you really just dozed off, right? No pain or anything?”

“Hm? Aww come on, Ryou-chan~ I never lie to you anymore, ain’t I?”

“I guess…”

“Then let’s dig in! Thanks for the food~”

Ryouha let out a quiet hum before digging into her own meal, letting her eyes wander once in a while to check on Nagisa. She let out another sigh and flicked out her phone, staring at the digital clock flaring on the screen. It’s 7pm. She still got time to help Nagisa washing the dish before getting home. But suddenly something crossed her mind.

“What am I to her?” The single question kept circling in her head and the quiet girl bit her lip, punching the buttons on her phone rapidly as she typed down a message. Nagisa seemed to realize this and she paused from her meal.

“You texting someone, Ryou-chan?”

“…yes, my mother.”

“Something wrong?”

“No, I’m just telling her that I…” Ryouha paused.

Her finger hovered over the send button hesitantly before she decided to push it, sealing her fate. She took a deep breath, gathering her courage.

“I…I’m staying over at your place tonight.”

Nagisa froze, staring at Ryouha with blank eyes, and Ryouha felt her face heating up again. The situation reminded her of the embarrassing moment she told Nagisa about ‘repaying her properly’ and she glared at the girl.

“…would you stop giving me that look? It’s unnerving.”

“…”

She tried to ignore Nagisa and returned her attention to her plate, eating her dinner quietly. She heard the sound of a spoon hitting a plate and concluded that the other girl had also resumed her eating. The awkward silence continued until…

“Hey, Ryouha. Just for your information.”

“…what is it?”

“I only have one bed, y’know.”

“!!”

Ryouha nearly choked on her food, but Nagisa continued.

“So you can take the bed and I’ll take the couch.”

“I-I know about that…but still, I can’t let you sleep on the couch…”

Nagisa blinked before standing up, taking her empty plate with her to the sink.

Ryouha paused, handing her plate to Nagisa; their hands brushed each other a bit and Ryouha quickly retracted hers.

“I-I…if you suddenly got sick again, I’ll feel bad about it.”

“Huh, I see.”

Nagisa wiped her hands as she finished washing the dishes, turning to face Ryouha.

“So we gotta find a way where you can sleep without worrying about my condition, right?”

“…yes.”

“So what do you propose we do?”

“…” Oh, she got to be kidding… Ryouha felt like smacking that huge smiling face as Nagisa stared at her innocently. Sometimes she wondered if the girl was really oblivious or only pretending to be one. Ryouha clenched her hands tightly on her lap.

“W-we could…share…the bed…”

The girl whispered the words quietly and closed her eyes, feeling her face burned in embarrassment. She could picture Nagisa staring at her with that same stupid look in her mind. Right, she’d probably start laughing any time now.

…

…

“Okay. I’ll prepare the bath and some spare clothes for you. You didn’t bring anything in advance, right?”

Eh?

Ryouha opened her eyes to find Nagisa walking toward the door without a complaint; she couldn’t see the expression on her face but her voice sounded a bit quieter than usual.

“Wait here, I’ll call you once the bath is ready.”

She nodded, watching the usually bubbly girl closing the door behind her in a calm manner. She suddenly remembered what her seniors told her earlier.

Something inside her had changed. And perhaps Nagisa too, had started to change.

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

“How’s the clothes? Does it fit?

“It’s a bit baggy, but it’s fine.”

Ryouha fold the long sleeves of the fluffy pajama as she sat on the edge of the bed, watching Nagisa retrieving an extra pillow from the cupboard.

“I’m turning off the light now.”

CLICK

The sudden darkness made her a bit wary and the girl flinched. She could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears as she lied down on the comfy pillow, feeling the mattress shifted a bit as Nagisa climbed on the other side. She pulled the blanket over her nose and closed her eyes, trying to sleep.

…

…

…no luck.

Ryouha finally gave up, opening her eyes to the dim light of the moon seeping through the curtain. This is bad. She couldn’t get herself to sleep at all. She wondered if Nagisa was having the same difficulty. She sighed, hugging the blanket around her tighter; the bed was a bit small so she could sense the girl lying down beside her, but she had no courage to turn and check. But well, who am I kidding… This is Nagisa; she’s probably already deep in the dreamland by now…

“Hey, Ryouha.” Ryouha jolted in surprise, taken aback by the familiar voice. “You’re still up?”

Eh? ...s-she’s still awake?

“...guess not.”

She gulped as she felt her voice stuck on her throat, trying to get them back.

“I-I’m awake…”

She felt the bed shifted again as Nagisa suddenly sat and turned. What kind of expression Nagisa was making right now? Ryouha could only wonder as the girl blocked the little light left from the window, obscuring her face.

“I see. Ha ha, alright~”

Nagisa laughed before she plopped back down to the pillow; there was something different with her laugh, Ryouha noted. She turned to her side to see a little smile on Nagisa’s face but her eyes were telling a different story.

“Something’s been bugging me and I need to ask you about that.”

Ryouha blinked as she saw the almost permanent smile vanished, replaced by a troubled look.

“Don’t laugh, okay?”

“…okay.”

The girl paused as if in deep thought. ...wait. Is she being hesitant? That’s new… Ryouha thought as she watched Nagisa intently. Finally she spoke.

“What are we, Ryouha?”

Ryouha froze as she heard that, staring at the former clown with wide eyes.

“What am I, to you?”

She never thought that Nagisa would ever be bothered with such thing but then there she was, asking the very question she had been mulling about the whole day. Ryouha opened her mouth to answer, but it seemed like Nagisa wasn’t finished yet.

“I am the clown and you are my audience; I will do my job and make you smile. That’s how it always been until that day. But now that I’ve lost that purpose, what is it that still bonds us together?”

…

…

…

I see. Ryouha smiled softly. It’s different for her.

A lot of things had changed since that day and Ryouha finally realized; it wasn’t only her, Nagisa too was trying hard to adapt to the new condition. And perhaps, the change had truly shaken the girl. Nagisa had spent almost all of her life believing that she’s a clown. Now that the very concept had been denied, she didn’t know what to do anymore.

Yes. It’s different.

For Nagisa, it was nothing but a simple question.

A very simple and innocent question, of a clown who’s trying to become a person.

“We’re clubmates of course. And partners in play, yes. But outside that…friends? No, it doesn’t sound right. There’s something different about you compared to how I see Mako or Nana or everyone else. So what is it, Ryouha? How am I supposed to act around you now?”

It was strange, she thought, how the simple action made her mind went blank and put them in disarray, replacing everything with pleasure. But as soon as she started to adapt to it, the gentle touch disappeared.

“There. I feel like doing it.”

Nagisa gave her a sheepish smile, a hint of blush on her cheek. Ryouha stared at her blankly, touching her lips. Did she just… The girl squirmed as the realization hit her, clutching the front of her partner’s t-shirt and burying her face to it. Oh for—this stupid clown! Just when I thought she’s innocent and she— Ryouha shouted loudly in her head as she buried her face deeper.

“Is something wrong?”

“S-shut up and sleep already.”

Nagisa let out a small laugh before wrapping her arms around the smaller girl. Ryouha raised her face a bit, mumbling to her chest.

“…nagi.”

“Hm?”

“Can you cancel your appointment with Jonishi-senpai tomorrow?

“I can do that if you want.”

“And no hanging around Watanabe-senpai or Yabugaki or anyone else without my permission.”

“Ha ha, I’ll try my best.”

“You better be, or else...nothing but cup ramen for dinner.”

“Oh no~ Anything but that~”

Nagisa made a playful whine, earning another ‘shut up’ from Ryouha. The two girls cuddled close, feeling the comfort of each other’s breath on their skin.

“So, Ryouha. In the end, what are we?”

Ryouha smiled and closed her eyes.

“Go find the answer yourself… you stupid clown…”

=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=0=

The credit roll played to signal the end of one story

But surely, as morning rise on the horizon, a new page will start to spin…