Damn – I need to find that air brush artist to cover my blemishes.
Anyone know who it is.

Rodger T

I did`nt think Labour could find anyone more insipid and useless than Goff and then they picked Shearer,a person that makes Mallard look like an intellectual giant.
A fascinating race thru the bottom of the barrel, bring me more popcorn!

Jimmie

Well as a cow cockie I’m predicting that it will be an early spring this year – can feel it in my bones.

I wonder if Shearer has the same premonition or is he stuck in the chill of a permanent winter? (if so who then is the White Witch?)

AngryTory

Let’s think about what attributes a Labour Leader needs to have:

* the right background. Humble. Poor. Ideally a state house!
* the right education: state school of course! Christ’s & Collegiate don’t count, even if you were on a scholarship.
* University I guess these days, but better make that an NZ state university too (at least for undergraduate). Working part time while studying, even better.
* Labour loves university people, though, the flasher the better, so ideally add a postgraduate degree from a “world class” overseas university – Oxbridge, LSE, or Ivy League
* family – obviously married with a couple of kids
* but better add in some grit somewhere – say divorced parents, perhaps even mum on the DPB!

and the skills they need to have:
* must be able to work with Maori – turn up at Waitangi, deal even with the Harawiras
* if any Maori tribes protest, make sure to send big settlement cheques in, not – for example, the Armed Police! That’s what National would do!
* must be able to work with the Greens. Demonstrated commitment to public transport and cycling.

and most importantly – must borrow vast sums of money to pay welfare. Balancing the government’s books – that’s what National does. Given a choice of making “hard decisions” and actually cutting services – especially cutting benefits – Labour leaders must borrow and borrow and borrow again.

Now – what NZ politician fits this profile?

Patrick

You missed the Union affiliations – to be a “credible” Labour person you must have done your time in one of the unions, SFWU, EPMU preferably. A legendary “back story” about staging a lockout & harassing scab labour would go a long way to establishing credibility, far better than being able to demonstrate business success & acumen.

AngryTory

Hmm I don’t know. Sure Union activism is good, but frankly, I think a suitably “hard luck” background – say mum on the DPB, kids brought up in a state house, going only to lowish decile state schools – I think that counts.

What you’re missing is that most of the Labour “activists” grew up in upper-middle-class households! (at least) – they’ve never been on an actual cash benefit – only decile 10 schools etc. They have to overcompensate by joining & working for unions… But if your mum was actually a DPB bludger and you grew up in a real state house in a semi-slum (Brwndwy, say), went to a decile 3 school (Aorangi say) and then a mid-quality high school (Burnside?) it’s pretty clear you’d qualify….

Patrick

Your last paragraph – you mean someone with a background like John Key? No wonder the left hate him so much, he is “one of theirs” that escaped.

Dion

Yes, you must have a degree. And not just any old degree like science, engineering or commerce – good hard subjects like politics and social policy are the way to go.

Patrick

Megaphone qualifications – that would make Minto & Bradford the equivalent of Rhodes Scholars then.

IWantToBeLikeMallardOneDay

Commerce degrees are mostly nonsense. Especially HR and management courses. And you only need 45% to pass. Mallard has a BCA.
I only take economics seriously from among the commerce subjects. Accounting is very easy. All of the football headed jocks from my high school are now accountants.

rockape

It would help also not to be racist and homophobic, that exclude anyone you can think off. Would also help if he could win a seat or get more than 2% of the vote, Am I getting close?

Sir Cullen’s Sidekick

He he he – I really sympathise with you all. Dream on bros, dream on. While you are day dreaming, Sheep is moving on. He has won the by-election convincingly and handed over a stunning defeat to John Key. This morning he has spoken.

Mr Shearer this morning confirmed he had the full support of his party.

“I haven’t heard any of this before,” he replied when questioned about the possibility of division among his MPs.

“Polls go up and down,” he added.

He also appeared on a special edition of TV3’s The Nation and said: “I’ve asked my colleagues and they haven’t heard anything about it [leadership challenge]”.

“I can’t comment any further when I don’t know who this person is.”

I think rice Paddy Gower and Coriander Dann are trying to catch a whale in a tea cup……