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January 14, 2009

I'm a big fan of Michael Jordan (obviously - see above) and I'm nearly as big of a fan of his brand (obviously - see here). Howevsies, I'm just as big of a fan of pointing out things that don't make sense.

With those few things in mind, answer me this question:

Would someone please quality control Michael Jordan's endorsements?

When I was starting out this post, I needed to look at Michael Jordan Steaks. This is hilarious in and of itself, considering that a) why would Michael Jordan have a mail-order steak business and b) his restaurant in Chicago failed. But then, it took the page at least 5 minutes to load. Not an exaggeration where I say it took 5 minutes, but it was really like 30 seconds; a legit 5 minutes.

So when I finally get to the site, I find the image I need. Here it is:

I'm not entirely sure why they used an elderly Black man to sell Michael Jordan Steaks, but then again, I don't have a marketing degree. I'm sure it has something to do with urban markets/demographics/mail-order steak trends, but I'm surprised they just didn't use Michael Jordan.

But maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, they modelled his Upper Deck figurine on Chris Rock:

Look, I know that everything post-Bulls hasn't been a roaring success. The Wizards were bad, then they fired you. The Bobcats are bad. That whole turning-your-restaurant-into-Sammy Sosa's restaurant thing seemed a little harsh. You signed Derek Anderson, Fred Jones, and Bobby Simmons to represent Team Jordan. Roy Jones (Team Jordan) started losing. Marvin Harrison (Team Jordan) shot a guy. You got divorced. I get it.

But can I ask one more question: would it kill you to slide somebody a couple thousand dollars to give your image a once-over? You're ruining our childhoods here.

Trey Kerby EntertainmentDisclaimer: All characters, names and places used in theblowtorch.net fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are fictitious and are used herein for the purposes of comedy. Any similarity to real people, without parodic purpose, is a coincidence. All trade names, product names and trademarks of third parties, including any trademarked characters, used in theblowtorch.net fiction and semifiction (whether online, in print or any other media) are used without the authorization of those third parties, and are used only for the purpose of parody and identification. No sponsorship, endorsement or affiliation by or with those third parties exists or should be implied.