Thursday, April 19, 2012

Hand-Folding: It's Not Just For Laundry Anymore

When you think of folding bikes, no doubt you think of tiny-wheeled circus affairs straddled by people in blazers and DayGlo pant cuff retainers. What you probably don't think of is actual folding, like what you do with your underpants after you wash them. (Assuming you wear underpants, and assuming you wash them.) However, you will soon--at least if Ronin Bicycle Works gets its way:

Finally, it's a frame made out of folded sheet metal, and the inventors only want $100,000 to mass-produce a bicycle that employs the same groundbreaking technology used to make origami and marijuana cigarettes:

This folded bicycle frame is held together by "rivets and glue," and it boasts the elegance and clean lines of a light switch box--which I'm fairly sure is what they used for the headtubebox:

You can keep your fancy tubing and your hand-carved lugs--give me a bike that's made from baking sheets and shelf brackets:

Every handmade bicycle tells the story of its builder, and often merely looking at one tells you everything you need to know about what he or she was thinking at the time. This bike is no exception, and I'm fairly certain that what the builder was thinking here was, "I can't believe they let me work in the prison metal shop. Should I build something to bust out of here, or should I build a bike? Ah, fuck it, I'll build a bike."

But that doesn't mean the Ronin bike doesn't boast meticulous attention to detail. For example, the underside of the downtubesheet is creased for uncomfortable "portaging:"

Because really, it's just an uglier and less practical version of a bike share bike:

The above image, by the way, is from the NYC Bike Share website, and I can't wait until the program launches this summer. Here's another image of a woman pretending to use the bike share system at the intersection of Atlantic and Flatbush Avenues, which is probably the least bike-friendly intersection in all of Brooklyn:

In all sincerity though I am an avid bike share enthusiast--so much so that I'm considering going to work for them:

I particularly like the sound of the "Ambassador" position, though apart from having "prior exposure to the local market" I meet none of the qualifications:

All Candidates Must Have:

• A fun and upbeat personality that reflects the NYC Bicycle Share brand and spirit• Experience interacting with very large groups of consumers ranging from kids to adults• Knowledge of Bicycling in NYC and prior exposure to the local market• Ability to take direction well• Excellent attention to detail, organization and communication skills

My personality is dour and morose, I do my very best to avoid large groups of consumers, I refuse to take direction, and I'm so disorganized I don't even fold my underwear. Still, that's not going to stop me from submitting my résumé:

I strongly recommend watching the video that accompanies the story above, but I'm not embedding it because it seems to be one of those videos that plays automatically when the page loads, and the last thing you want is to get caught watching recumbent videos at work. In fact, getting caught watching recumbent videos is pretty much the only time you'd actually toggle over to a porn site in order to save face, so follow the link at your own risk. Or, if you're too much of a "woosie," here's the gist of it:

"If you're a cyclist, you know that a long ride will leave your leg muscles feeling fatigued. But have you ever wished you could get an arm workout at the same time? One local rider had a similar thought, and has now patented his arm and leg powered recumbent bike."

Here's what he wound up with:

I can think of another way to engage your arms in a repetitive back-and-forth motion while riding a recumbent that doesn't require a proprietary bike. Instead, just get a Shake Weight and use it while you ride:

Or, even simpler, simply omit the Shake Weight and ride around while "foffing off." Actually, it's a great way to squeeze in an arm workout at any time of day--even when you're just sitting around on the couch.

You got me all excited about that folding bike. I watched the video in anticipation of the moment when they would literally take off the wheels and fold the bike into something roughly the size, shape, and weight of a coffee table book. Or at least a 'break room' table book. Though I gather that for some folks, their break room table books need to be wrapped in plastic.

One of the great pronouncements revealed in the transcripts of the Watergate tapes was in a conversation between President Nixon and John Erlichman. They were discussing the menu for a state dinner, and the President decreed that the soup course should be eliminated. "Men don't like soup," he said. Erlichman commented in his memoirs that Nixon routinely spilled his soup on his coat and tie.

One of the great pronouncements revealed in the transcripts of the Watergate tapes was in a conversation between President Nixon and John Erlichman. They were discussing the menu for a state dinner, and the President decreed that the soup course should be eliminated. "Men don't like soup," he said. Erlichman commented in his memoirs that Nixon routinely spilled his soup on his coat and tie.

One of the great discoveries in the transcripts of the Watergate tapes was in a conversation between Richard Nixon and John Erlichman about the menu in an upcoming state dinner. The President decreed that the soup course be eliminated, saying "Men don't like soup." Erlichman's memoir reveals that Nixon routinely dribbled soup onto his lapel and necktie.

The one cool thing about that folding erector set bike, and I mean the only one cool thing is no matter how easy or hard you were riding it you would always be ON THE RIVET. Break out of prison or build a bike, that's funny .

...if it wasn't for that funky lookin' oragami bike being in the way, that was a nice little sf 'hipster haven' bicycle travelogue...

...noe valley, the mission, dolores park, the zeitgeist on valencia...everything but a stop at an 'epic burrito' parlor...

...valencia street is a great san francisco phenomena...to accommodate cyclists, the sf works dept took a 4 lane street w/ parking on both sides & reconfigured it to 1 traffic lane & an accompanying bicycle lane running in both directions plus a left turn lane down the middle...

...somehow, the the natural ability of cyclists to feel they are entitled to more, no matter how much is offered means that there are still occasional territorial disputes along valencia but all in all, it's pretty fucking cool...

bgw, another nice feature of Valencia is that for at least ten blocks the lights are sequenced for 13mph. Somehow this works in both directions too, so while it isn't exactly woo-hoo speed, it does enable you to tool along pleasantly, no need to be on the rivet, and admire the passing hipsterscapes...

"Anonymous said...

yeah, new york really isn't fun unless you're one of those odd people who find living at the center of the universe with the best of culture, cuisine, nightlife, etc at your fingertips"

Then why don't you guys stop acting so stressed out and look like you're enjoying yourselves? Pish and tush.

I think the Ronin is even uglier than that belt-drive thingy you tried out awhile back. It's as if they kept saying to themselves, "It's not ugly enough yet. How can we make this look even more kludged up?"

valencia street is a great san francisco phenomena...to accommodate cyclists, the sf works dept took a 4 lane street w/ parking on both sides & reconfigured it to 1 traffic lane & an accompanying bicycle lane running in both directions plus a left turn lane down the middle...

Hey, they did that to 7th Street in downtown LA too. Somehow though, folks drive like even bigger dickheads now on that street than before they put in the bike lanes.

How about the origami guys and the recumbent guy join forces and create something for all the ages to admire, dance around and put on display that our great nation can be proud of! i think I just witnessed the final nail being pounded into the coffin of artisan mayo, coffee, kefir,a.c.v.,cupcakes,olive oil,patchouli,carpets and bikes. Great stuff another for the ages Snob. Classic.

...quilled n' lugged...ironically & palpably so on occasion, my work brings me down valencia in a car but no matter the speed-timing of those lights, i always feel a little like it's home 'cuz it IS bike friendly...

...used to hang in town years ago & then ride from randall - sanchez area, over to mission, then across cesare chavez (army) down under the freeway past 3rd to illinois & up the waterfront to the ferry building...

...this was long before the ballpark & gentrification, so in those days you rode with a real determined look that said "...fuck you, this bike is mine !!!" 'cuz back then, that part of town by the waterfront was REAL shady...

Is REAL shady in SF like where you put your keys in the console instead of just leaving them in the ignition? Or maybe tying your bike to a pole with a shoestring instead of just leaning it up against it? I need to know these things for reference.

If you're really looking for a city with ample shade, you should check out the Noe Valley corporate law crowd. They'll have the fillings from your mouth faster than you can wonder which junkie took your shoestring tied bike.

...you've got places named "hamburger mary's" all over the country these days (for real) except where there ought a' be one - on the corner of folsom & 12st, 'south of market'...

...for years, it was THE late night godsend after the rest of the city had wound down...

...grab some good food, then we'd maybe take our chicks late night dancing at 'the stud' which looked to the outside world like the most hardcore militant gay club ever but where if you were cool, even if you were straight, you were always welcomed...

...sam wo's in chinatown, an institution for 100 years, 3 story's high & maybe 8 feet wide, where you entered through the kitchen on your way upstairs to be insulted by edsel ford fung, the "worlds rudest waiter" is finally closing it's doors......mr fung, a 'chinaman' (no disrespect intended) died way back in '84 but his reputation & now sam wo's will live on in sf's rich annals...

...this fucking town is still an amazing place...hope it stays that way...

BGW -- Your paean to San Francisco made me flash on Zappa's "The Best Band you Never Heard in your Life", in which at one moment, Mike Keneally (I believe), channeling a quavery-voiced Al Gore, sings, accompanied by wailing, parodic horns, "Ah left mah hahrt .... In San Fran Cisco ... "

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!