Browsing the "Things I Hate" Category

7:20 a.m.
What is with Jewish mothers and their obsession with getting to the airport four hours before a flight? I woke up to my mother hollering at me, “ARIEEELLL!!! ARIEEELLLL!!!!!” and even though I asked her to wake me up in the morning, I didn’t expect her to act like a mad rooster. Hearing...

Being the sadist that I am, I find it pleasurably detestable that in a city like Boston there's so much love going on in the streets. All I ever see are people laughing, drinking and having a good time. Sure, you'll see a bar fight now and again, but you'll never see a serious clash of cuntacular proportions...

On the toilet, all this Charlie Sheen-nonsense going on is annoying me. Who the fuck is Charlie Sheen anymore? He's nothing. He's just a pathetic shell of man pretending to be a bad ass, talking shit about coworkers whom make it possible for him to earn $2,000,000 an episode for a show nobody watches. If...

Fuckin' a. Since grade school, I've been a pessimist. Luckily, humor, love, and sports prevent me from throwing myself off a cliff and into an pool of sharp things pointing upward. My aim for this - and upcoming Why I Hate Things blogs - is to discover why it all went pessimistic in my life.
Memory...

Corks that fit easily into wine bottles
I wonder if the size of the bottle's hole is directly proportional to the winemaker's wife's holy "area". You go with what you know. A lot of these winemakers have very little sex, which leaves their wives' very tight in that "area", so they make their wine...

Excess artificial human attractions to the opposite sex due to technological advances. Fragrances, fashion, grooming utensils, cosmetics, fake pectoral muscles - all proof that humans weren't meant to be so uncontrollably attracted to each other. If it weren't for technology, then stench from odor,...

People who've never had to tweezer their nose or ear hair. Life is too easy for hairless people. I wonder if God is praying a prank on me; sparing my friends, spiting me with hair. Mr. Bean got his electric shaver stuck in his nose hairs in an episode. And when I watched it at the time (13 years ago),...

You're probably happier than me.
People get a great first impression of you.
You don't complain every five minutes. Nor ten.
If I were you and you were me, you'd want to be me. Fuck you.
Every time you walk outside, you know where you're going.
You don't hit your head on kitchen...

Mini teaspoons and mini coffee glasses - It's like the nicotine patch for caffeine. A tiny glass makes you drink a smaller dose. Nice idea, right?..... WRONG! You wuss, ever heard of this thing called DISCIPLINE? You could just pour yourself half a teaspoon of sugar, or half a glass of coffee; but no, you like...

Contemporary Art..... just the thought of it makes me nauseous. You see, there are two types of art: Art and Contemporary "Art."
Contemporary "Art"
We'll call it contemporary *FART from now on so I don't have to keep using quotations. It's difficult to type laying on my stomach, while...