The Reserve Squad: Silverware already piling up at Stamford Bridge

Only one game into the new Premiership season and already the silverware is piling up at Stamford Bridge.

Hours after dismantling a poorly organized Portsmouth side in the season opener, the government of Portugal named Chelsea assistant coach, Flavio “Murtosa” Teixeira, the most Portuguese looking man in the world.

“This is a wonderful honour, and what I hope is the first of many trophies for Chelsea this season,” gushed the triumphant Teixeira, who possesses Brazilian nationality and has been Phillipe Scolari’s right hand man for 25 years.

Teixeira acknowledged that he did not actually do much to win the title, but admitted to reporters that his mustache is a “touch ridiculous.”