Should we break up? Or try again?

So... I tried ending it with my fiance yesterday. ( please see other questions for details if interested)

I told him I was wasn't sure about our relationship and whether or not its work or not.. And that I wasn't sure if we should continue our relationship. Admittedly, I didn't really give much warning. I just sorta blurted it out.. But he asked me what was wrong so I had to tell him my thoughts yeah?

He then went quiet. Went outside and got out the bong. Was missing for about half an hour. So I went out there to talk to him.

I then apologized to him. Then further explained my thoughts. Told him my frustrations.

And he just went on to say that if anyone else was in my position, they would do the same thing. And that he is a horrible person and all these bad things in his life always happens to him because he's 'bad news'.

Eventually, I just said to him that if he is willing to change and actually want to change then we could try again...

But I honestly don't know what to do. I am not happy. Should I just leave or try again? We have been together a while. But as they say... History repeats itself...

Any advice/opinions will be appreciated. No matter how honest or blunt. Thanks 😊

Most Helpful Girl

Yes, I think you're right. The most important question to ask yourself is: Am I happy? I'm not talking about those times when you have a fight and you cry, but overall do you find yourself in a happy relationship that you can see yourself in for the rest of your life? And if the answer is no, you should not be in this relationship. I mean besides any general doubts of commitment that people have before they get married.

Don't compromise yourself and don't stay in a relationship with him because you feel sorry for him and he feels sorry for himself. If it's not working, you shouldn't have to keep "trying again". Yes, people CAN change, but it's up to YOU to really think and predict if he really WILL change, or if you will continue to be unhappy. Good luck! I wish you the best.

You should probably end it. You are clearly unhappy and that's not just going to change unless things change significantly, and that itself is very unrealistic.

If he is willing to change (I am referring to his drug use, you can't expect someone to change their personality for you) then that's good, but you shouldn't stay around and wait for that to happen. I don't think it has to be black and white, i. e. either be engaged or be broken up. Maybe you can agree on taking a break from the relationship so that you both get some distance and space to figure out what you both want. I know it's not easy to end a relationship – even if you are unhappy and know it's not good for you – but sometimes it just is what you have to do.