The Kid-less Friend

Scrolling through my social media feeds all I see is ” Moms question on this” or Moms what’s your favorite this.” No one ever says ” Kid-less person what’s your take on this” or “Kid-less person whats your opinion on that.” My most favorite thing, is if you have an opinion on a child acting like the spawn of satan, you will get a ” You will understand once you have kids.” Nope. Pretty sure I don’t need special mommy super powers to spot an asshole 10 year old.

” This girl is my best friend, we do everything together.” ( insert picture of mom and 5 year old) Really? We’ve come to this? I’ve been replaced by 5 year olds. She can’t even drink. I’m sure she has great insight on Paw Patrol, but does she know the gossip about The Real House Wives of Beverly Hills? If she does, you’re a shit mom. All jokes aside. I get it. I am pretty sure my dogs are my best friends.

I thought I was ready to have children a couple years ago, nope. I was at my friends house with her kid and our other friend joined us with her kid. I brought my niece. Looking back at this day, I totally used my niece as a test pilot. ( sorry Morgan) Anyway, I thought we would let the little nugget loose in the backyard and have a glass of wine, or a beer, I would of settled for a snack. The conversation turned into birth stories, dark nipples, baby blowouts, sleeping 2hours a night and natural vs pain killer delivery (Take the drugs, duh.) The question I tapped out on was, Did you eat your placenta? I knew right then, I was nowhere near mature enough to have children.

I love all my friends, and their little nuggets. This is a stage of my life, where I am focused on growing and creating who I want to be. My friends are focused on growing themselves and tiny humans, I get it. Everyones tired.