Luckily, all six RNC candidates agreed on a solution to the party's woes: They would say Ronald Reagan's name over and over, as if it were a tantric incantation.

Anuzis quoted Reagan in his opening statement. Former Ohio secretary of state Ken Blackwell lamented that too many Republicans "campaign like Ronald Reagan and then govern like Jimmy Carter." Saltsman talked about his high school days: "Ronald Reagan was president, and he got me excited."

Katon Dawson, chairman of the South Carolina GOP, tried to top that. "I was inspired as a college graduate by a fellow who walked in the room by the name of Ronald Reagan."

The five GOP chairman candidates (maybe we should call them the Washington Generals, since they're all losers) just voted for their favorite Republican president, and it was a rout.

I guess the rule here is that, by definition, the best Republican president can't be anyone that a Democrat might pick. That's a shame, because as the song (not by Cher, unfortunately) says, "he freed a lot of people." Maybe that's the problem. Also, shouldn't Ike get an honorable mention.