Girlfriend Tells Man He’s No Good In Bed, So He Puts His Penis Out Of Its Misery

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We’ve all had nights, days, or afternoons when we’ve been off our A-game in the horizontal no pants dance. It happens to the best of us, but most often, the drunkest of us. As a result, somewhere along the way, we’ve probably had at least one woman criticize our technique. Not me, though. Never. Not even that one time. I swear. In the face of this adversity, most guys say “meh” and move on to find another girl to bone who is totally okay with the moderate disappointment that might come with it.

Some people don’t deal with that kind of rejection well, though. Twenty-two-year-old Macedonian dude Oliver Illic decided that, rather than live with a small dick, it was better to have no dick at all. He proceeded to cut off his dick with a razor, because it’s the Halloween season and he figured the horrific, pain-inducing shock would be a great way to handle his little problem in real life.

After calling 911 and telling them that he was spurting blood all over the house like a broken garden hose, because someone didn’t understand how to cauterize a wound, he was taken to the hospital and EMTs went about hunting down his temporarily escaped undersized pants snake. They found it in the trash, so at least he hadn’t flushed it like the last Macedonian guy who called them. It’s too early to tell if the surgery to reattach the little guy has been a success, but hopefully everyone is pulling for him. Just, you know, not too hard, because those stitches are fragile..