Tuesday, January 05, 2010

GSCE Candidate: Han Solo

It's 2010, the Year We Make Contact. That means Scifi needs to get over the Mayan 2012 doomsday "prophecy", post-apocalyptic craze, and embrace space travel. And what better way to celebrate Scifi's outer space roots than by deciding who is the Greatest Starship Captain Ever?

Han Solo (Harrison Ford) from "Star Wars", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi"

Captain Skills:4

Han Solo is an able starship captain and superb pilot- making the Kessel Run in 1.3 parsecs... He can fix his ship, his one-wookie crew would jump in the fires of hell for him, and he's got actual military experience, being a drop out from the Imperial academy. Yes, the Empire considers him a smuggler, more than a legitimate Captain, but he's got all the skills needed: diplomacy (he was able to sweet talk Jabba the Hutt for an extension on his debt) and he is an experienced spacer.

Personal Combat Skills:4

Aside from the ability to kick ass with his bare hands, Han Solo is a regular pistolero. I think the character shits and showers with his blaster by his side. The blaster with which he is a crack shot, and a qick draw. Fired a shot into Darth Vader's hand in "Empire". Yep, Vader is the most powerful Jedi/Sith ever but Solo managed to quick draw and fire a blast that Vader had to take in the hand, then use the force to deflect others. Vader should have plucked that gun from Solo's hand before it ever cleared the holster.

Starship Combat Skills: 3

I suspect Solo was even more skilled atstarship combat, but we'll never know. Still, he showed amazing skills; using a gunship/frieghter to take out a Tie fighter in the frickin' trench of the Death Star; hiding in the trash of the Imperial Star Destroyer after attaching to it without anyone knowing; and best of all, evading the Imperial FLEET multiple times.

Ladies Man:4

Like Captain Reynolds from Firefly, Solo seems to not be very interested in chicks. While that may make him more manly in a Viking way, fans want to see some jigglies. Then along comes Princess Leia and Solo gets all all obsessed. At least she's a princess who can kick ass and pass as a bounty hunter (Bousch). And once you found Leia in the slave girl outfit, would you really want to go to other planets, searching out hot new ladies? No.

Crew:4

Okay, I know Solo has one crew member/partner, but it's Chewbacca. I mean, really. Would you rather have a dozen Starfleet Red Shirts, or one good wookie in your crew? Chewie can fly, shoot, repair things and rip the f***ing arms off people! When you have Chewbacca, you don't NEED any more crew. The only thing better than Chewbacca, would be two Chewbaccas- which would earn Solo a 5.

Coolness:5

Let's remember that the actor is the character. Good casting makes or breaks a character. In Solo's case, he's played by frickin' Indiana Jones. It doesn't get any cooler than that. Harrison Ford has played two awesome, fanboy heroes in his career- what a lucky bastard. All that aside, Solo is clearly the coolest mofo this side of Shaft. You can bet your Holy Grail on it.

Total score: 24 out of 30.

80% puts Han Solo in clear first place. But can his non-gigalo ways help him keep the title?