That are friendly and supportive

Ancestors cradle our birth

Connect to your power

It’s within you and around

Sit and listen quietly

Where you’ll find

Your own sweet sound.

Nicky West September 2018

Showing up – what does it mean?

I decided this year was going to be about showing up. To be honest I previously avoided this phrase, to me it meant putting on a song and dance whilst being everywhere at once all shiny and happy. Of course, it doesn’t have to mean anything of the sort. Life isn’t like that, there are rhythms and cycles with the result that our best intentions going AWOL at times.

We’re more than halfway through the year! That’s if we go by the Gregorian calendar, so some of this showing up has happened, whilst other areas need a bit more attention! What I’m not interested in is showing up in ways that many of us feel we have to, so we can be, do or have what we’re sold we ‘need’, regardless of how that affects our wellbeing and relationships, or whether we’re fitting into someone else’s misshapen box.

We don’t know when our time is up, what I do know is what will have TRULY mattered and what didn’t, while social media can be wonderful for some, how many hours I clocked up on social media (or didn’t!) won’t be what I’m thinking about when life is precious and there isn’t much time left. For someone else that might be different.

Know thyself and stay true to your path

However long that takes, how we stay true to our path is another matter – greed and manipulation aren’t going to feel good inside. The path of kindness and integrity although more challenging in many ways will be worth it in those final moments. To live at ease with ourselves, how we treated others, and the choices we made.

Showing up for ourselves can mean saying ‘no’ more often, even to things we want to do and getting clearer on what is a ‘want’ and what is a ‘need’. I usually find the needs are really acts of self-care and the wants can often subtly deplete those deeper needs. Like the Rolling Stones said ‘you can’t always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you might find, you get what you need.’

Showing up means many things to me. I find it much easier to show up for others first, (Gretchen Ruben has a great 4 tendencies quiz about this – https://gretchenrubin.com/). However, if I forget to show up for myself then I can’t really show up for everything else in a way that feels true.

So what does showing up mean for me?

Showing up and being present for you and whomever I come into contact with

What is confidence really?

I’ve been thinking about confidence, my own and others perception of what confidence is. To me, having more confidence is about self-trust, inner belief, courage and vulnerability. Which doesn’t mean everything will be perfect and turn out as expected, although it can. It’s more to do with having an inner confidence or trust that we can handle it if things don’t go to plan.

I think we build resilience, trust and confidence by having the courage to try things and not be perfect. Taking small consistent actions to face our fears, actions that stretch us without breaking us. In taking those actions we can transform the energy of fear into confidence. If the rubber band is stretched too far, too quickly, it breaks, we need to slowly stretch it and feel when the rubber is reaching its limits.

I also believe there’s an element of risk involved in developing more confidence, we don’t always know for sure what the outcome will be. We can’t really develop more genuine confidence without moving through fear in some way. When we take a risk there’s bound to be some ‘failures’ along the way. Which is why I think vulnerability and trust are at the core of real confidence. The kind of confidence we grow into, that helps us expand and show up being more of who we really are, not who we think we should be.

Our perception also depends on our influences growing up, some of us might see confidence as being ‘too big for our boots’ ‘cocky’ or something else. This is very different to thinking about confidence as being aligned with trust, belief and appreciation in our own abilities, qualities and potential. (The dictionary definition is pretty much that). Confidence isn’t really a static thing – we grow into it in different areas of our life and it can change depending on our circumstances, life experiences and even hormones!

The same thing that’s a stretch for one person could break another or be a walk in the park for someone else. It’s essential to focus on ourselves and let go of comparison and judgement of where others are at – let’s stay in our own lanes. What is our personal stretch? What makes each of us feel that mix of excitement and curiosity in our hearts? Even if it doesn’t seem particularly logical, we might not know why!

What if we took one small step towards that feeling and explored it a bit more, learn an instrument? Sing? Dance? Go on a challenging hike? Or maybe it’s simply walking out of the house around the block every day.

My mum had agoraphobia for most of my life and for her to be able to walk around the block or go and see a friend was a huge stretch for her.However, when she did, she glowed.

I remember becoming more aware of my health and fitness around the age of 17, but still not being able to swim and neither could my mum.

I decided to go and get lessons at a local pool and suggested mum went too. She did want to learn how to swim but didn’t want to go, and resisted massively. Eventually, the only way I could get her to go was to spin it around and ask her to keep me company (she wouldn’t do it for herself you see). I said I was super nervous and didn’t want to do it on my own. It worked.

She came along for the first 3 sessions, intending to do the course but the pool was too hot and in her last session the heat triggered a nosebleed. Then the inner ‘upper limits’ came up and she didn’t want to go back, which is totally ok, she reached her full stretch at that moment and it was enough.

However, I will never forget the smile on her face as she bobbed about in the water for those first 3 classes, she looked alive and happy, she broke through those first resistances and achieved something that she doesn’t forget and yes it did give her more confidence.

If we’d focused on the end result to be able to swim and complete the course then that expectation could have led to disappointment. Instead, she has the confidence to know she did it once and could do it again.

I did complete the course and can just about swim! Enough to give me the confidence to at least get in the ocean slightly out of my depth and that’s good enough for me. The point is to take the stretch that’s right for you, be honest with yourself. Don’t let anyone else compare their stretch and wins to yours and don’t compare yours to theirs. It’s all relative, the less judgement we have about others the less we’ll have about ourselves.

Ok, so my challenge to you wonderful reader

Take some time and feel into something you’d love to try or do and haven’t been able to yet. Is there one small step you can take? Is it booking into that art class or going on a hike, visiting a place you’ve not been to, or is it speaking your truth to someone? Notice where the resistance is and see if you can stay with that feeling but take some small action anyway.

What’s the worst that can happen? Deal with the worst case scenario in your mind first, and have a plan of action if you need a backup. Taking responsibility for our own actions and feelings without relying on something external is a path towards inner peace, something we need more of in this world.

Start by writing down all your accomplishments, small and big, whatever they were to you, fill at least a page! And be in that feeling for a while as you reflect on what you have done. Take action from that place, pin the list up somewhere, take a photo on your phone, keep this as a reminder for when the inner critic or not enough feelings come up.

Trust yourself and build on that, feeling vulnerable and moving through fear is part of the journey. We can’t get to a place of self-trust and inner confidence without that bridge. There’s always another bridge to cross anyway, so we may as well begin.

Oh and I write about this because it’s part of my journey too and something I’m consciously working with day by day, step by step.

Feel free to comment or email me back and let me know how it goes. I read all my emails and comment back and would love to know what your small stretch is or what accomplishment you’re most proud of big or small, it’s all relative. Happy journalling.

Blind Drunk and Angels

The wind was howling, my ears burning from the cold, I wrapped my woolly scarf and winter jacket tighter. I was walking along Westbourne Grove, a fairly busy shopping street in West London, on my way to get some food for dinner. ‘Help’ ‘Help me’ ‘Help!’ there was a man hanging onto a post on the pavement, swinging around it, trepidatiously, moving from the pavement into the road and back, his white hair standing upright from the wind, with a terrified look on his face.

People were walking past him, these things aren’t that unusual on a London street and most people’s heads were huddled down in this weather! Being hungry and cold, I almost walked past too but he genuinely looked like he was in trouble, so I stopped and asked if I could help? He said ‘I’m blind and I’m drunk!’ I saw in his other hand a white stick waving around and realised that he was literally ‘blind drunk’.

I asked him where he was trying to get to, he said ‘home’, he was at the pub and drank too much. (it’s happened to the best of us!) I said ‘where do you live? do you know where home is from here?’ He was distressed and close to tears, saying he normally knew but he’s lost all sense of direction. I could just about make this out as the rain lashed down. A little more talking and we worked out the direction he needed to go in. He took my arm and off we went, back the way I’d just come from. He told me the street and we ducked in, he lost his keys, then found them, phew! We went downstairs opened his basement flat and he was finally home, turning he grabbed my arm thanking me profusely saying ‘who are you? An angel?’ I said ‘no, just someone passing by, you were asking for help, so I stopped.’ I wished him well and carried on to the supermarket.

Why are we in such a rush?

That whole incident probably took about 30 mins, time is relative to how we are feeling, I forgot I was hungry & cold when I was focusing on someone else’s needs. We can plan all we like, we can try and control our days, hours and minutes as though our life depended on it. Sometimes it does! Usually, though, many of us create more and more things that we think we ‘have’ to do ‘right now’ and stress ourselves out trying to accomplish them.

Why do we do that to ourselves? Are we missing the point of being alive? Are we missing those moments that make us enjoy this human experience, that enables us to respond to someone that might need help, to connect with others and ourselves? Do we miss those moments when we hear that little voice inside trying to guide us in another direction, whilst we continue blindly moving further away from what we truly need? We’ll never know what we’re missing as we race around and do more and more stuff in the fear that we might miss out – and what we might be missing are those magical moments, the ones where Angels appear.

Some things do require us to get on a rocket and go for it, but not everything is urgent, we’re often going around the same wheel in the same way when there are moments during the day that we can say ‘no’ or we can stop and help someone or we can simply stop and reconnect with ourselves. Then we can tune into what is really valuable for us to be spending our time on.

Making the Moments Matter

If we don’t then we can end up hurtling off in a direction that quite possibly isn’t going to fulfil us. If we don’t stop and reconnect with ourselves, we can lose our sense of direction. And like the man who was drunk and without sight, sometimes we’re forced to stop, sometimes we have no choice but to ask for help, sometimes we’re in a place where we have to trust another human being (or an angel!) in order to get to where we need to go, to arrive at a destination that is both an ending and a beginning of another story, another cycle, and so it goes on.

The planet will continue to turn long after we are gone and if we’re lucky what we’ll remember when we die won’t be how much we got done on our to do lists, it’ll be the moments of connection, of inspiration & joy, of giving and receiving, it’s the moments of kindness that matter, and that includes words and actions that are kind to ourselves, so let’s stop beating ourselves up for what we didn’t do – it likely doesn’t matter at the end of the day. Instead, if you feel disconnected or like you might be losing your way, spend a couple of minutes to re-connect. Being in nature helps, moving our body helps, breathing consciously helps, calling a friend can help.

Quick Tip to Re-center

A one minute practice that may work for you is to either stand or sit, put your right hand on heart & left hand on belly, breathe in through the nose and sigh the air out through the mouth a few times whilst feeling your feet firmly on the ground (even stomping a couple of times) and saying either out loud or to yourself ‘I am here, I am safe, I am in my body – this moment matters’ That’s it, repeat it as often as you need to through the day.

“Dat was da bomb” were the words from one of the women as I finished teaching yoga relaxation. Having moved through some resistance, this bright outgoing woman emerging with a big grin on her face.

Most of the women in the room hadn’t experienced yoga, meditation or relaxation. The majority didn’t know how to relax their bodies. Many couldn’t remember feeling a sense of peace in their minds from the constant bombardment of worry and stress. They’d never experienced how that felt.

The last thing on your mind when facing prison or being homeless is trying to find a yoga class.

Cycles and Patterns

There’s often no home to go to when leaving these places. Many are escaping domestic abuse situations and have children left in care or with family members. Getting clean whilst trying to find a home, stay out of prison and get their children back isn’t easy.

A few are fortunate to have family homes or some support. However, this is often in the same communities and environment that tend to trigger behaviours and mental patterns again. Even though they may have come along way during their rehabilitation.

We all know to some degree that it’s much more challenging to change our habits when we’re in the same conditions & environment. It takes a strong will, good self-esteem, solid support and a real purpose to be able to break cycles. Especially ones that have been going on for generations. Sometimes we can’t be in that same environment, but this isn’t always possible for everyone.

Speaking Out

One of the qualities I love in many of these women is their ability to speak out. Some are quiet but many will speak up during class and say what they think and ask questions out loud. They will call me out or become talkative, walk-in eating food, or any number of distractions. I have to be fully present, engaged & honest, it keeps me on my toes for sure.

I remember doing a Yoga Nidra relaxation once which the women generally loved, it was during a visualisation we were walking in nature, trees, birds, etc when a comment came ‘yeh and then they come and get ya’. Even though I made sure to say this place is safe, and try to be mindful, this work may trigger the women in some way.

I feel my job is to provide a safe, open and protective environment and still be honest in sharing my experience of yoga or speaking up when someone is disturbing others in the room.

At the end of the relaxation, the same woman shouted out ‘bullshit’. Fair enough, this was her experience, one thing to remember is it’s not personal and she’s got every right to her opinion!

Approaching her afterwards when the others weren’t around, I asked her how she was doing and said it’s not all bullshit, there can be some real benefits to this and it’s worth trying. She looked surprised but said yes, she knows it’s not bullshit and it does help.

Breaking down Barriers

Being open and honest can help to break down barriers, understandably there can be a lot of trust issues and if it seems that you’re not being authentic as a teacher/facilitator or it appears that you think you’re better in some way then the women will know. This is about sharing the experience of yoga, the women there also have a lot to share about resiliency, community, their own talents, some of the women have degrees and had well-paid jobs previously.

We need to re-look at our perception of who these women or men are in prisons and rehabs, a twist of fate can put any of us in the same situation, I’ve seen it happen.

Courage

I found the woman who spoke out is an artist. A strong courageous woman who had experienced alcohol issues, homelessness and challenging family/social situations. She was also on her way to being an ‘Aunty’ in her community and I could see that she’d be hugely valuable. She wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and stand up for herself and others, she was a natural protector, kind and intelligent.

I liked and respected her and told her about a storytelling project I was thinking of and asked if she’d be willing to help in some way, I said it’s still forming at the moment, I don’t know how long it will take but we agreed to keep in touch when it was ready.

I won’t go into her story as to why she was in there. What the women do choose to share is confidential, it’s for her to tell if she wants to. I will say had she not done what she did then she’d likely not be here at all, it took courage to do what she did. Do we always make the right decisions in a crisis situation?

Building Trust

Developing trust is key in this environment, lack of consistency in support is something that the women are dealing with on a daily basis. The turnover of women here is roughly every 3 months. They talk to each other and if you can get a few of them on board then the message spreads. If you’re a teacher thinking of working in this area don’t give up on them!

Find the women in the room that are engaging in the practice. Acknowledge but try not to give too much attention to others who aren’t. This is because the focus in the class can fall apart quite quickly. I’ve found that attitudes can change as they see and feel the effects of the practice.

It’s about choice, if there’s disruption in the class then it might be necessary to say something. If the women don’t want to join in the physical practice I usually suggest joining in meditation and gentle movements. When there’s choice there’s nothing to rebel against. I think this is important when the women’s choices are already very limited.

The Little Things Matter

Sometimes it’s the words you say. That you ‘see them’ and what these women have to offer as human beings right now. I’ve seen so much loyalty, courage, spiritedness, vulnerability and innate intelligence in that room.

Lack of self-worth and shame are, I believe, huge drivers for re-offending. If we want there to be a lower rate of re-offending we need to be addressing these core issues. That’s really where yoga, meditation and creative expression can be hugely beneficial.

There’s not a quick fix with these practices but there’s an opportunity to feel safe in our own body. It’s an act of self-care. Yoga & meditation help to self-soothe, to manage anxiety, calm our minds, and if we stick with it long enough change the neural pathways in our brains. Through creativity, movement & using our voices there is a safe, productive and valuable outlet for emotions that are usually either suppressed and/or channelled into self-abuse.

Self Care whilst Teaching Yoga

Fear is one thing that these women know, their nervous systems are on high alert most of the time. It’s essential for the facilitator to feel centred, grounded in their approach and know the value of the practice. It takes time to feel a room and person out.

Teaching yoga in rehab helps facilitators develop patience, non-judgement and honesty (all yogic teachings!). Making sure you have your own ‘self-care’ in place is also essential. Especially if there is a past history of trauma, whether that’s first-hand or with someone close.

I’ve been teaching yoga to people who don’t normally get access to yoga classes for the past 14 years. It’s never too early or late to start. Every time I engage in this work there’s always so much to learn. Every place or person is different. I liked this article although written a few years ago it gives some statistics and context around women in prison, it’s from the women’s legal service in NSW, you can find more information about them here.

After a few years teaching voluntarily at this centre I taught my last class there towards the end of 2017. Its valuable work that I hope receives funding in the future.

I hope these words help us to see people with different eyes. We’re all human with very different privileges and conditions growing up. I’ll be exploring more how to find our voice and be a voice of change in some upcoming workshops. I also offer online one-to-one voice coaching. If you want to contact me and talk more feel free to email me.

OMmm…she started giggling… OMmm…her face crinkled up trying hard not to explode into laughter…OM….I love it when this happens, it’s spontaneous and can make me giggle too. At school I used to giggle a lot especially when being told off, then the teacher would feel insulted and go harder! This made it worse and resulted in a tennis match between being shouted at and laughing uncontrollably. I see now it was a release of nervous energy and the same for the woman in front of me, who was new to the rehabilitation group. I smiled at her and said, it’s cool it’s just that you didn’t expect it? She said yes. I said it used to make me laugh too and briefly explained a bit more about why I use this sound mantra, which relaxes our nervous system and is particularly useful for anxiety or panic attacks.

I don’t hold back on the sound of OM when teaching and it’s a small room in the rehabilitation centre on the prison grounds. There are about 10 women, it’s a morning class at 8.30am, the room is functional, although today there were some beautiful and colourful *NAIDOC flags and creations. They all wander in, usually, one or two of the women have cleared the floor and brushed, but hey it’s rehab and things don’t always go to plan, sometimes I brush too, or have to gather them inside.

The mats are laid out close to each other, we all make room, there maybe comments like ‘can I go for a quick smoke beforehand?’, I say yes if you need to that’s fine, but we’re starting now so it’s up to you. I’m not there to ‘discipline’ them, definitely not! It’s their choice, and ‘choice’ is one of the first privileges we lose if we’ve experienced anytime in correctional facilities.

I make eye contact and have a quick chat with the women who are there and ask how their week has been, it’s a relaxed start and I get to feel out where they are all at today, things can change quickly and dramatically here, the women are residents in this center, instead of prison, as part of their sentence, they are also going through intense detoxification from different substances including alcohol, and usually have complex family lives.

One woman recently was absolutely loving the yoga, she had ADHD and was on numerous medications, yoga was really helping her, she was focused and calm through the practice, it lit her up and she felt able to cope. I arrived this week and she’s back in prison so I’m not sure if I’ll see her again. There can be a few cycles of this before the women are able to move forward and change their lives, it’s understandable, there’s complexity, more than any of us realise. I’m grateful she got a little taste of yoga and loved it, I believe she’ll find a way to continue somehow. There was that curiosity in her, she was hungry to learn more – my fingers are crossed for her.

We start sitting with our right hand on heart, our left hand on belly opening the practice with OM. During the yoga practice the group are focused, occasionally there may be some talk but I keep it to questions about the practice, this is one area where we do need to concentrate so that they can feel the benefits and I will ask for any chit chat to be saved for later so that we can all experience being present in our bodies. There’s generally not been a problem with that as the women are respectful of this when I explain why.

By the end of the practice, there are often smiles, words of gratitude and a brighter energetic feeling in the room. This isn’t always the case though and there have definitely been a few challenges where I’ve needed to be clear in my role and boundaries. I’ll talk a little more about the approach that seems to have worked best for me in this environment and the teaching practices that the women have particularly resonated with next time.

Oh and if you can, go and have a giggle with someone. Like I said to the woman who laughed at the OM’s, it releases our natural happy hormones, like Oxytocin, which can help us to feel more connected. I think that was felt when the other women in the room started giggling along too, it takes some of that sense of separation away and for women who’ve experienced life in prison, feeling a sense of togetherness and connection is a basic human need that I’m sure we can all relate to in some way.

*NAIDOC – National Aboriginal and Islander Day Observance Committee

*Om – spelt as ‘Aum’ a Sanskrit word often chanted at the beginning and end of a yoga class, a universal sound vibration representing the whole of consciousness.

I hope you’re well and enjoying the gorgeous weather if you’re local. I love Winter, sunny days and wood fires at night.

A quick reminder that this Thursday (25th May) and next Monday (29th May) classes are canceled as I’ll be away for some yoga holiday time in Byron. All other classes will run as normal.

Also for anyone who’s been away for a while, there is no longer a 6.30pm class on Monday for Winter. There is still a 5.15pm class on Monday, beginners or general practitioners are welcome. There is also a 10 am yoga and meditation class on Wednesday and a 10 am yoga and voice class on Thursday.

I’ll also be starting a fortnightly yoga and voice class in Wollombi in June, along with regular workshops themed around yoga and anxiety and developing your voice. I’ll let you know more about that soon.

Have a great week,

Nicky xx

p.s. the church is warm and cozy with carpet underfoot, it’s no longer being used as a church and we’re able to stay in the space for the foreseeable future. There’s also a lot more room and wall space with all the pews gone – yay!

I hope your well. It’s been a fun couple of months as I rehearse for my first play in a loooong time! The play details are here if you’re local to the Hunter Valley and enjoy some theater. www.valleyartists.org. I’ll be taking 1 night off teaching on Monday 31st October so no 5.15 or 6.30pm classes that evening! All other classes will run as normal and any updates will be on my website.

Classes will run through until Thursday 22nd December this year, although the church will be sold at some point we’re able to continue classes until that time comes which could take a while, so classes will continue as normal in January.

What’s happening in 2017?

It’s a total joy living in the bush but the internet has been sloooow so I’m really excited to finally get NBN satellite here which means in addition to regular classes I’ll be offering both on-line and in-person one to one, workshops & experiences in 2017 exploring yoga, voice, meditation, inquiry and story.

This work will be particularly useful if you experience anxiety & stress or if you’d simply like to develop your voice, meditation and movement skills. If this interests you, I’d love to hear from you, there will be more details over the next couple of months.

Oh, and a big thank you to everyone who came along to my recent voice and movement course for relaxation with the wonderful Wild Learning www.wildlearning.com.au – check them out for some interesting and creative local workshops. I’m looking forward to collaborating again next year.

The year is flying by and I’ve been diving into my work with the organisation ‘Off the Mat into the World’ Australia/New Zealand.

Since working with Off The Mat this year, we’ve held a teacher gathering in Newcastle where local Aboriginal Elder, Di Langham ‘Welcomed us to Country’. Di does wonderful work in the community as well as holding down a full-time job working with the guys in the local prison. I’m hoping to work with her on a couple of projects this year, stay tuned!

I’m also co-organising an upcoming Yogathon for Newcastle and the Hunter – this will be part of a nation-wide series of Yogathon’s held on 22nd May in Newcastle. It’s going to be a fantastic day and I’ll be gathering local ambassadors and support for the event.

One of my mentors Suzanne Sterling, a singer and co-founder of OTM is coming back to Australia! She’s only in Sydney on March 19th, with a Voice of Change workshop at Mosman Village Yoga centre (+ an evening of Kirtan at InYoga). Voice of Change explores hidden trauma within the voice, personal expression and finding your voice. It’s very aligned with the direction I’m moving in and I’m really excited to be co-organising and going to this.

The power of OM. One of my one-to-one clients who has Down Syndrome and sensory challenges used the OM chant to good effect the other week when his support worker got a bit frustrated with someone who cut across her in traffic (we’ve all been there) – my client turned to her with a big grin and chanted OM at her, his timing was perfect!

To explore a little more about the sound OM or AUM here’s a link to an article I really like about how it can affect our limbic system. My personal yoga practice includes alot of sound and mantra. It usually helps me feel centered, calm and diffuses strong feelings or reactions, so if you’ve been sitting out the OM’s at the end of class, give it whirl, don’t worry about the sound you make, start quietly and focus on sensing the vibrations.