Wedged between news of the latest celebrity arrest and a child born from 21-year-old sperm, AP has posted a story tonight that Quilted Northern is about to introduce a new “ultra-soft,” three-ply toilet paper.

It’s a good thing that “skeptical” industry analyst Bill Schmitz is around to put such claims to the test.

According to the AP story: “[Schmitz] said extra layers make
toilet paper stronger, not softer, although he said Georgia Pacific may
have added extra fibers for softness.”