From Dreaming To Living

The Tiger Mother and The Forgotten Children

In the United States there has recently been quite a uproar around the book called ‘the battle hymn of the tiger mother’ – an autobiographic book written by Amy Chua about the way she raised her kids traditionally chinese.

The storm around the book is centered on the methods that Amy Chua has utilized in her parenting. She has enforced a very strict parenting, essentially telling her children what to do and when to do it; not giving room for any type of freewheeling. As an example she expected her children to receive the best grades in all school subjects, she didn’t allow them to have play dates or sleepovers, and they had to play either piano or the violin.

What I find fascinating to note about this traditional Chinese way of bringing up children, is it’s complete focus upon survival. The children are pushed to excel and become effective, more effective what everyone else is, as preparations in order to secure a future income, a job, survival. Wherein their individuality, their stand as self-expression, their ability and skill to unconditionally give is completely disregarded; as our economic system of survival and lack is imposed upon them.

These children become but the product of their parents fear – the fear to not be able to survive, as the small family unit will do anything in it’s might to ensure it’s own survival – no matter what the costs. Children being but an investment of the future, as a possible source of income as money – wherein the children are forced to give up anything that might like, enjoy, or see themselves to be effective within, in order to prepare themselves to be successful in the system.

It’s really fucked up that parents are so limited, possessed within and as fear – that children aren’t given the opportunity to explore themselves and this world within and as freedom. Wherein their parents do not control or manipulate the children in order to do, as they would like them to do, or live, as they would like them to live – but instead stand as their unconditional support and guidance. Wherein the child is supported to perfect himself, his self-honesty, his stand as self-independence and self-reliance, truly enjoying himself and finding out what is his calling.

This type of aggressive and very strict parenting is not only isolated to Chinese mothers. Western parents are as much imposing their accumulated knowledge upon their children – though in a different manner.

For example food, haven’t we all as children been subject to our mother, or our father demanding that we eat all the food on our plate – and that if we don’t – we are not allowed to leave the dining table. What is this but creating a prison for the child? Deciding through threats, violence, harsh words, and emotional manipulation what the child must be in this world.

Why haven’t parents learned to let go? To instead of wanting their child to turn out just the way they picture them in their mind – allow themselves to appreciate what is here, as a child that is unconditionally expressing himself, enjoying himself, and exploring a newly discovered reality. It’s like parents are given a seed – the seed contains a flower that is to become red. Yet, the parents can’t accept this, as they want a blue flower – and as such, as the seed starts to sprout and the flower begins to grow, constantly and continuously attempt to find ways to change the color of the flower. Buying blue color and painting it, cutting of the water supply to threaten it to change color, feeding it with genetically modified manure to have it change it’s color – but it doesn’t change; and what instead happens is that the flower dies – as it isn’t nurtured and supported for what is here, as an unique individual with specific skills, abilities, likes and dislikes – capable of becoming a red flower of excellence and perfection – yet never supported, assisted, or accepted as one – because the parents had another idea in their mind – separate from what the physical reality, as the flower actually was.

So, it’s fascinating – how we abuse our children to have them be as we want them to be – instead of support and assisting them to be that which they want to be, as an expression of life, living and moving themselves saturated in their pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment of themselves, as they are allowed to live out themselves as that which they really want to do.

Parents do not give this chance to their children, because they exist in complete fear and anxiety, living in a merciless economic system that annihilates those not up for the competition, to retrieve money. Thus – we need a new system to start a new life, where children may become that which they are supposed to become, as life, excellence and perfection –
a caring human being – instead of a fearful demon only concerned with it’s own survival.