NOOOOO, SOMEONE HELP THAT BABY! NOW THAT THE SCENT IS ON HIM HIS MOTHER WILL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK!

A new brief from The Tracking Report says that the producers of the Point Break remake have their eyes on two possible leads, one being Cam Gigandet. So far these reports are just based on preliminary discussions, and it’s too early to tell if anything will actually come of them. But, tentatively speaking, AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHH (*fires gun up in the air*) UUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHH (*click, click, click*) ….UUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. (*jumps out airplane with no parachute*)

Two new actors have had their names tentatively connected [Editor’s Note: Connected by whom? It’s hard to know what this even means.] to the much talked about POINT BREAK (REMAKE). Cam Gigandet, a young thesp on the rise, was last seen in “Priest”, “Burlesque”, and “Easy A” after his breakout role in “Twilight”. Daniel Henney is the other rumored contender, last seen in the comic book explosion celebration “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. “Point Break” is a remake of the classic action thriller of the same title, originally starring Patrick Swayze as the leader of a group of surfing bank robbers and Keanu Reeves as the undercover FBI agent tasked with bringing him down.

Well that’s certainly an interesting decision. The original starred Keanu Reeves, who maybe wasn’t the greatest actor in the world (I! WALK! AWAY!), but was certainly easy on the eyes — smooth and inoffensive like the Polynesian breeze after which he was named. In considering Cam Gigandet, the producers seem to be taking the opposite approach, where they cast a drooling, goblin-faced shaved hyena whose revolting attempts to imitate human speech and behavior invoke Gollum-like terror and nausea in all but the hardiest viewer. It must be some kind of Human Centipede thing. Last time I accidentally watched a Cam Gigandet trailer, I threw my laptop out a plate glass window and a Dominican lady walked through the coffee shop muttering prayers and sprinkling everyone with holy water. I’m not even religious, but you can never be too careful. There are no atheists in a Cam Gigandet movie screening, I always say.

Join The Discussion

Cam Gigandet is now the star of a new TNT drama, making Kyra Sedgwick the second ugliest man on that network.

09.22.11 at 12:57 pm

Jessolido

What does any of this have to do with a baby hanging out with Rocky Dennis? Are you just posting pictures of anything now?

09.22.11 at 1:11 pm

Alcoholics Gratuitous

Is that a Harley Davidson pappoose? If not, HD better get on it. The baby just needs a little handlebar mustache and this is their print ad.

09.22.11 at 1:17 pm

Patty Boots

Wait, is Daniel Henney the sharpshooter guy who died in th helicopter crash/explosion? And they waited until he has dead to bring out the adamantium bullets, because clearly you don’t use your best bullets when you still have your best marksman? Because everyone in that movie was stupid?

I vote for that guy.

09.22.11 at 1:17 pm

duckusucker

He should be called Baby Moose.

09.22.11 at 1:25 pm

Shop 101

Weekend at Bodhi’s. Original cast or GTFO

09.22.11 at 1:29 pm

Crapbasket

This word ‘thesp,’ I do not think it means what you think it means.

09.22.11 at 1:31 pm

Morton Salt

“Thesp” is when one man’s speech is impeded by another man’s cock.

09.22.11 at 1:38 pm

Patty Boots

Cam Gigandet is a thespian like Katy Perry is a musician.

09.22.11 at 1:54 pm

Crapbasket

Cam is what happens when you get your acting chops from a kosher butcher.

09.22.11 at 1:55 pm

GlennBeckHasAIDS

It’s as if the Point Break remake producers are pissing pancreatic cancer all over Patrick Swayze’s grave

09.22.11 at 2:08 pm

Crapbasket

If they really wanted to besmirch him, they’d remake Black Dog.

09.22.11 at 2:29 pm

HungryGalactus

Back off, Warchild!

09.22.11 at 2:36 pm

Jack Burton

You leave C-Gidget(tm) alone! He looks good in sunglasses, dammit! That’s the ONE thing you MUST do to be in a Point Break remake!

DEAL WITH IT!

*cries self to sleep after washing down a handful of Vicodin with Jagermeister*

09.22.11 at 4:06 pm

WYSeanIWYG

I thought that picture above was for the remake of Total Recall. Cam is perfect for Kuato! (They just need to get ManBabies website to work on the special effects.)

09.23.11 at 2:24 am

TripleR

“was last seen in “Priest”, “Burlesque”, and “Easy A” after his breakout role in “Twilight”.”

Breaking Dawns breakout roles will be Bella’s hymen quickly followed by the baby when it escapes the womb. But that’s with a vampire tooth assist so it barely counts.