Author
Topic: One concert takes all weekend (Read 17520 times)

That was awfully nice of her to plan your weekend for you! Seriously, you get to do HER errands with her, help with HER sales show, all for the pleasure of riding her to and from a concert because, plainly, she doesn't want to pay gas, parking, or do the driving. I would just tell her your weekend is also booked and you will meet her there. If she really wants to go, she will figure out a way.

I could see planning a fun weekend around the concert, but that's not what's going on here. It's more of you being there as an afterthought so she can get to the concert in her preferred way. I would probably say that I'd meet her there, or she could meet me at my house. I might even offer for her to spend the night after the concert at my house. But that's about it.

She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out. I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with. So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive

I go to a decent amount of concerts, and arrangements like what you have with your friend are the type of arrangements I'm used to. I've even enjoyed a few bands I never imagined because my friend with a gas-guzzling truck would pay for my ticket and any other expense, in return for a ride there. Very generous!

As bad as it sounds I'm relieved that judging from all of your responses, my thoughts on the situation weren't being colored by my "but I don't waaannnaaaaa" feelings. I just hope she doesn't take it personally when we finalize the plans. She was really excited about the whole thing, I assume that's why she didn't even ask if I was free, or if I wanted my weekend to include an overnight, and another reason I felt a little off about this planning.

What's in it for you? By that I mean what has Meredith offered in return for your service?

Has she offered the gas and parking for your chauffeur services at least? Is she paying at least minimum wages for the "helper" position? Is she buying your food while you're at her disposal? Are you close enough friends that what she's suggesting makes sense?

She didn't say specifically "I don't want to drive," but she listed her reasons why she doesn't like to. She doesn't think her car is reliable, people drive differently, I'm more familiar with the city, how much gas it would take, we could save on parking costs with only one car going, stuff like that. She didn't say them at all once, but threw them in one at a time during the conversation.

They aren't terrible reasons, but also not enough to convince me she needs me to do all this just for a ride. It doesn't take any more gas or reliability than a usual trip to work, and she has had improvements done at the mechanics' recently anyway. I admit I'm not very sympathetic to the "but I'm scared of the city" reasoning since the last time a "friend" took advantage of my familiarity with the area to try to get out of driving, using gas, and going in on parking fees. I know that's not fair to Meredith right now, but the situation is bringing back the memories.

Ah, I think you're right then re: her motivations. Thanks for the added detail. I think even without your story of a previous "friend" taking advantage, you're perfectly correct to want to meet up at the concert. Stand your ground and let her know you can't spare any additional time that weekend.

Now, if she's genuinely scared of driving and offers to buy your concert ticket, or dinner, or some other favour in compensation to show that she appreciates it, sure, you can consider picking her up -- but even then you certainly don't have to. It's wrong of her to spring this on you after plans for the concert were made.

I was going to say I wouldn't have a problem driving into the city with Friend as long as she met me at my house and provided her own transportation to and from my house. However, it occurred to me she could find a problem with getting to my house and make it so that I'd have to pick her up after all so I'd go with meet her at the venue. I'd also prepare to be attending the concert alone in case it comes to that (if you've never attended alone, it is weird at first, but you get used to it if you determine that you really don't care that you're attending alone -- I started doing it years ago when I found there were lots of things I wanted to do for which I couldn't find someone to accompany me).

If the concert should be that important to your friend, she will figure out how to get to/from the city on her own (and if she manages to get to the venue without driving and needs a ride from the venue, be braced to tell her that you can't drive her home, can drop her off at the nearest public transportation on your way home for her to get home or you could drive back to your house with her and she could catch a cab or something home from there).

And, there's one more option -- you call her on it and say, "Look, I'm not available to hang out all weekend. If you want me to do all the driving, then you need to pay for all the gasoline between my house and yours and for the parking (all the parking because I'm doing the driving and it's my car getting all the wear-and-tear). If that's not okay, then we'll just meet at the venue.

Meridith has asked you to do what is easiest for *her*. That's human nature--we tend to sort things out and make plans that are the best for us.

But those plans are not always the best, or easiest, or most convenient for the other people involved.

You are perfectly free to counter-offer with the plan that is best for *you*. Be that meeting at the venue, or having Meridith drive to your house on Saturday.

I've got a few friends like Meridith, who can take lunch on Saturday and stretch it out to involve the whole weekend. Well, I don't always want to spend the night at a friend's house, in a strange bed. And sometimes I want to spend an entire day not talking to any one--I get enough of people at work; sometimes I need down time. I've had to learn how to politely scale back the involved suggestions for "fun" that friends bring up, and just do those bits that are really, truly, fun for *me*.

I don't get why it's either spend the entire weekend with her or meet at the concert venue. I am assuming the concert is Saturday night: Couldn't you pick her up Saturday after she's done with all her errands, go to the concert together, drive her to her home afterward and then either continue home or stay over that one night?

That is a whole lot of unnecessary driving. Why should the OP have to go pick her up and do all the driving (especially since they don't live near each other)? Meredith could just as easily meet at OP's house and avoid driving into the city.

Also, staying "over that one night" is still staying over night and the OP prefers not to. I think it's completely fair to make sure you sleep in your own bed.

You don't need to give her a reason for saying no. You have several valid reasons but it's not necessary to offer them up if you don't want to. It's perfectly reasonable to say "I don't want to do that". You will not be a bad person if you decline her oh so charming offer to take up your entire weekend.

She is being a bit entitled. and I don't think you're wrong to be a bit put out. I'd give her the options suggested; she can drive to your house, go CRIVINS! you, then drive home, or meet you there.

I sometimes go to concerts with a friend. I don't drive well at night, esp wiht lots of lights, such as thousands trying to leave a venue at the same time. And in places I'm not familiar with. So the deal is, she drives, I pay for gas and parking, and we meet somewhere convenient for both of us.

She used to live close to me, and my office, and she'd come get me at work, and then drop me back at my car on the way home. She has since moved further away, in the opposite direction but if we were to go to another show, we could still meet at my office, since its literally 5 minutes off the interstate we would take to and for her to take home. I know she'd do that for me. But if it were majorly out of the way, if i didn't want to drive, I'd make my own arrangements based on HER schedule etc if she were going to drive

I go to a decent amount of concerts, and arrangements like what you have with your friend are the type of arrangements I'm used to. I've even enjoyed a few bands I never imagined because my friend with a gas-guzzling truck would pay for my ticket and any other expense, in return for a ride there. Very generous!

As bad as it sounds I'm relieved that judging from all of your responses, my thoughts on the situation weren't being colored by my "but I don't waaannnaaaaa" feelings. I just hope she doesn't take it personally when we finalize the plans. She was really excited about the whole thing, I assume that's why she didn't even ask if I was free, or if I wanted my weekend to include an overnight, and another reason I felt a little off about this planning.

I have other friends, who, when planning concerts and other stuff that might lead to a late night, will kick around options, such as offering a place to crash, and so on.

Oh what fun!! You would get to scurry around Thursday night packing your clothes and making sure you have everything you need for overnight, and going out to the concert, to take to work with you. Then you'd get to spend Friday night at a fundraiser you have no interest in, and crash uncomfortably on your friend's couch or spare bedroom (even if it's the most luxurious spare bedroom in the world, there is no substitute for your own bed and bathroom). Then you get to traipse around with her while she does errands, including a meeting that has nothing to do with you. All while your own weekend errands get neglected. Then you get to drive to the concert, and two hours out of your way (ie there and back) to drive her home afterwards.

I understand that some people are afraid to drive into an unfamiliar city, but what about a Greyhound bus? Or, she could drive to your place and park there. It's her issue, not yours.

I'd simply tell Meredith that 'sorry I have other plans for the rest of the weekend'.

If you're willing to drive her from your place to the concert and then back to your house, (once she's made her own way to/from your house) then offer that option to her too. However, I can see her then inviting herself to stay overnight at your place then too, so that may be something to consider.

I hate driving in these situations too, but it would never occur to me to ask someone to go out of their way to accommodate me like this. I'd either suck it up or look for public transport options.

Is there public transport from Meredith's area to the concert? Sometimes even getting a bus or train to the venue just from the edge of town/part of the way can be a lifesaver.

In your place, I would avoid legthy explanations as she may try to convince you, just say "No, I have other plans for the rest of the weekend, I'll meet you there" (or, if you would be willing "No, I have other plans for the rest of the weekend, but if you want to leave your car at mine I will drive to the concernt and back. We can split the parking costs. You'll need to be at mine no later than [time 10 minutes before you'd want to leave]"

"Sure Meridith, if you would like to drive in with me I will be leaving my house at 4:00. I would be happy to drive you in. ""But I don't want to drive all the way to your house first""Well then you can imagine I don't want to drive twice as far either!"