I stand atop this truck. Like Napoleon on the high seas surveying the endless possibilities. For the next 11 days, this is my playground to do as I please.

What are you going to do about it?

Thousands throng the Lalbaug area as the idol of Lalbaughcha Raja makes its entry during Ganeshotsav this year

Bhajans now need a background score. All these ‘keertans’ dating back to my Nani’s time are so outdated.

I've heard the argument that Ganesh Chaturthi should be a quiet, spiritual experience. Well, I challenge that. No more private repose, I demand public raada-beeda.

You’re thinking, apart from a plaster of Paris sculpture of Ganapati, there’s nothing holy about this festival anymore, right? Plus, a revolving neon light. Devotion to dholaks to disco.

You see, Ganesh Chaturthi isn’t only about expressing devotion, it is about proving that my Dadagiri is the biggest. From Tuesday I will go back to my regular life of hardship. But for today, I am Atilla the Hun, I am Aurangzeb, I am an avatar of the Almighty.

I will position my pandal in the middle of the road and gyrate to Yo Yo Honey Singh’s lyrics. You see, I may have an idol in my vehicle but I am an Indian Idol. And there’s nothing you can do. So what if your car ride from the top of Carter Road to Shirley Rajan takes as long as a Rath Yatra through Uttar Pradesh? You will wait, our God says so, I say so.

Because this is not Ganeshhood, this is gundagardi.

You’re getting frustrated na, you want the Elephant God, to put his large foot down and crush this madness. I can see it in your eyes. You hate me.

But we are in charge now. What are you going to do about it ?

Understand, that for 11 days I will be democratic about my dictatorship. My noisy celebrations will disturb hospitals, homes for the aged, housing societies, hutments, high rises, it doesn’t matter. So patients, pets, people of all ages and communities will be deafened equally.

What are you going to do about it?

The 11 o’clock ‘shut the noise’ rules goes out the window, it doesn’t extend to us.

There was a time when Ganesh Chaturthi meant innocent vim and vigour. Today, volatility has hit Vesuvius proportions.

I want to disturb Mumbai city. I want to drive everybody crazy. All in God’s name.

I don’t just want to commercialise religion. I want to corrupt it.

I don’t want to change content. Just form. Because I can.

Supplication has a new name. It is called anarchy.

What are you going to do about it?

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62 @gmail.com

The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.