THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES

This book was especially republished to raise funds for these charities & many more...

33% of the publishers profit from the sale of this book will be donated to charities.

A GREAT READ FOR ALL AGES

THIS is a compilation of humour, jokes, anecdotes and sayings taken from the many emails the editor has received over the years. An ideal gift or Christmas stocking filler containing Advice from Children, Classic Conversations with Technical Support staff, Deep Thoughts for those who take life way too seriously and even a number of Tommy Coopers famous one-liners, jokes, anecdotes, sayings and actual happenings that are simply too funny to believe all packed into 178 pages.

33% of the net sale from this book will be donated to Charities.

YESTERDAY'S BOOKS RAISING FUNDS FOR TODAY'S CHARITIES

Excerpt from THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES

ADVICE FROM CHILDREN

American Childrens Advice

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
Patrick, aged 10

2. When your Dad is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? - dont answer.
Hannah, aged 9

16. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when shes on the phone.
Alyesha, aged 13

17. Never try to baptise a cat.
Eileen, aged 8

BAD DAY - GOOD DAY

Think you are having a bad day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A post mortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. but keep reading....

Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door. She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.
About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance. The same paramedic crew was dispatched.
As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself. She told them. They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Table of Contents for THE FIRST BOOK OF INTERNET JOKES

Advice

Bad Day - Good Day

Computers

Confectionery

Crime

Deep Thoughts

Family

Football

Government

Growing Up

Health, Nutrition and Hospitals

Idiot Sightings

Extracts from Letters to Local Councils

Loyalty/Quick Thinking

Men Rule OK!

Military Service

Pets

Points of View

Relationships

Religion

Retirement and Old Age

School

Tommy Cooper One-Liners

Travel

Why, Why, Why?

Women

Work

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Readers Favourite, U.S."The Whimsy Wood folk are timeless characters in the fashion of Potter, Milne and White. In time, The Whimsy Wood Series is likely to find its place in the lexicon of classic childrens literature." Readers Favourite, U.S.

Gemma Hodgson"Sarah Hill brings Fearne Fairy and the Whimsy Wood folk to life, in a way that children will relate to. The alliteration and onomatopoeia, combined with an uplifting and heart-warming story, make this a joy to read." Gemma Hodgson, English Co-ordinator at Wyberton Primary School, Wyberton, Lincolnshire.

Pinefeller (Amazon)Book is very well structured with a small forward, and notes on the bottom of each page explaining certain things and the Bellow's interpretation of the original text. Great to finally have a physical copy.

Celia This is an English language collection of traditional children’s fairy stories from Myanmar/Burma. It’s a lovely idea that translates into a delightful book. I gave a couple of copies as Xmas presents and it went down a storm with kids and parents alike. As a bonus, it provides an unusual insight into Burmese culture and thinking too!

Kelsey aged 8I got this set of books from father Christmas and loved the stories. So i was very excited waiting for Posie Pixie And The Snow Storm to come out and i wasn't disappointed it was great i find them easy to read and follow, I even use them at school for my reading book. I can't wait until book 7!! Kelsey x

Rob PascoeA lovely book, with imaginative characters and an engaging story. Beautiful illustrations make this a delight for young children and perfect for inspiring their own adventures. Thoroughly recommended!!

AnonymousIn this fourth book of the series, with it's charming characters firmly established and a natural flowing writing style, Posie is expecting a very exciting visitor, and news spreads quickly through the woodland friends. Whimsy Wood is a cheery place to be, with everyone ready to give each other a hand and they're always happy to see each other. There's always tasty-sounding foods as well, like spiced apple chutney and nettle tea, and children are bound to want to visit. The characters - Posie herself is a busy pixie always cooking something up and with time for everyone, and is first to suggest putting together a party for everyone to enjoy. Mr. Bilberry the blackbird is great, a super chatty fellow who knows something of everyone and everything. Ping immediately sounds like loads of fun - someone who actually makes their own new types of firework! Wibble the woodlouse has the best name, of course, and is like a pet to Posie. Although Wibble only speaks in squeaks, Posie still manages to understand her, which is just how a child will imagination she or he communicates with their dog or cat. The delightful writing style will appeal to children, and is very enjoyable to read aloud. The author uses sound to great effect - lots of alliteration and onomatopoeia will really bring things to life - we have Posie living in the copper kettle, the trill of Mr. Bilberry the blackbird. Gives a strong feeling of being in amongst the wildlife. There are bright and colourful illustrations throughout the book, which all readers will find enchanting, including a great flashback to the postie's youthful Christmases, and a picture of all the woodland friends pulling together to get the party ready, not to mention the fireworks themselves at the end. At the end of the book, there is a even an illustration about firework safety, which is a great opportunity for parents and teachers to talk about this important issue with their children. Very thoughtful of the author, especially given the vivid descriptions of fireworks that are bound to fire up any child's imagination! There's also a Whimsy Wood map for the young reader to complete, rounding off a very complete package. ​This is heartily recommended as children are bound to enjoy this story with its warm characters and friendly atmosphere, with a great message about how everyone helping each other can make any job light work. In other words, it's fan-fizzle-tastic!
Kid Lit Authors (http://www.kidliteratureauthors.com/posie-pixie-and-the-fireworks-party.html)

Mrs RutlandMy 6 year old son and I have just read this together. He has never sat so quietly, listening intently! Plenty of adjectives to entertain and you can have a go at an Irish accent! He loved the illustrations. You're left wanting to know what the next adventure will be. Now we're waiting for the next book to come out!

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