The Complex Sports Staff Makes Their NFL Wild Card Predictions

The 2013 NFL Wild Card games are upon us. Some may feel like the games are unflattering but it's still playoff football, plus Aaron Rodgers is back. We can't complain. On Saturday we're blessed with the Kansas City Chiefs @ the Indianapolis Colts at 4:35 p.m. and the New Orleans Saints @ Philadelphia Eagles at 8:10 p.m. Then on Sunday it's the San Diego Chargers @ the Cincinnati Bengals at 1:05 p.m. and the San Francisco 49ers @ the Green Bay Packers at 4:40 p.m. The Complex Sports team got into a Skype chat to talk about our unbiased picks based on frivolous things like lifetime fandom and hatred for certain players/fanbases.

Here at Complex, we're fans first. So check out what Complex deputy editorsJustin Monroe and Donnie Kwak, along with associate editor Ralph Warner and editorial assistant Angel Diaz have to say regarding this silly game we call foosball. Some of us are prophets, just an FYI (you can bet the house on Angel's picks).

Angel Diaz: I think the Colts are going to beat the Chiefs because they're playing on all cylinders at the right time and because I don't believe in Alex Smith.

Ralph Warner: In the battle of the most boring QBs, I'm picking the Chiefs over the Colts. KC cooled off in the second-half of the season but I think Luck will have another off game like he did last year when he posted a 32.1 QB rating in the Wild Card game against the Ravens.

Angel: That'll be crazy if they do that. Now that Aaron's back I think more Packer fans will go to the game. But then again, sitting in front of the TV sounds better than Lambeau in January.

Justin Monroe: There are two games I'm tossing a coin over and two I feel confident betting Donnie's life on. First, on KwakaFlocka's life, I'd bet that the Eagles manhandle the Saints, who can't win without close proximity to brass bands, and that the Bengals are going to provide us with several Philip Rivers stink faces.

Also because LeSean McCoy has really stepped up lately, taking some pressure off of Nick Foles. Last week Foles had a mediocre game and they still pulled out the W. Then again they were playing the Cowboys…

Justin: I thought there was never anything else to do in Green Bay besides go to a Packers game, but apparently they got option B to freezing your ass off in a foam cheese head now.

Donnie: I will never pick a team from Philly to do anything, ever. Because FUCK PHILLY. Wait, the Chargers and the Bengals made the playoffs? WTF? These games suck.

Here is a great moment from the Iggles-Saints rivalry:

Justin: That Philly game isn't going to be a game. Saints gonna be stains on the road like possums or raccoons or whatever the fuck they have in Pennsylvania. The Eagles have been beasting and their crowd is like 95% murderers.

Angel: Yeah, man, the Saints have been weird all year. But I think they'll beat Chip Kelly's offense. They don't give up big plays that often and as a Giants fan I can't see myself picking the Eagles even if I think the Saints will fuck up away from home.

Ralph: Andy Dalton is the worst quarterback in the playoffs.

Justin: I'm a proud Giants fan but I also have eyes. Saints are not getting it done in Philly. But if they do somehow, the riots will be a thing of splendor.

Angel: Ralph doesn't like gingers.

Donnie: I'm taking the Saints and the Chiefs on Saturday because Fuck Philly and Fuck Andrew Luck.

Justin: If Dalton has an awful game, I still don't see the Bengals defense shitting the bed to give it up to the Chargers. I don't need a weather prediction to know that San Diego is an underwhelming team that should be on vacation already.

Donnie: I'm taking Philip Rivers. HE BOUT DAT LIFE.

Insert Philip Rivers GIF here:

Angel: ‘bout dat fucking up at the wrong time life.

Justin: Before Eli Manning WON TWO SUPER BOWL RINGS, I used to wonder if the Giants messed up by trading Rivers and picks. I don't wonder that anymore.

Donnie: Obviously the 49ers-Packers is the game of the weekend. That's why it's got that last slot.

Justin: Yo, real quick, why in that GIF does Rivers look like he's starring in the remake of Legend?

Donnie: This is the worst Wild Card weekend I can remember. All the games seem so lame. Chiefs-Colts, really?

Justin: I bet that one is good.

Angel: The ghost of Norv Turner still calls the shots in San Diego. They shall forever be cursed for picking him in favor of Marty.

Justin: Might be 85 percent check downs but I think it will go back and forth and be a game. The Eagles and Bengals will win in routs. That Packers-Niners game...I really can't call it.

Angel: I think Aaron Rodgers is going to go apeshit and beat the breaks off of San Francisco. Can't wait for all the excuses 49er fans are going to come up with. He's rested and ready to pick motherfuckers apart.

Donnie: The Niners are gonna win.

Justin: I'm leaning towards San Francisco. Could just be the gravitational pull of Jim Harbaugh's chin, though.

Angel: So I'm taking the Colts, Saints, Bengals, and the Packers for various reasons but mostly because I hate certain players/fans of the other teams. I'm biased. IDC.

Justin: I'm taking the Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, and 49ers. Empirical data shows that my gut and asshole combined to make these picks. I trust both.

Ralph: I have to go with San Francisco, Frank Gore makes up for any miscues by Kaepernick. Despite the epic 4th down play, I'm not convinced Rodgers is back to being close to his usual self.

Justin: San Francisco isn't gonna play D like Chicago did. That was as much their blunder as Rodgers being clutch.

Ralph: Afterwards some SF fans are bound to be doing shit like this back in the Bay.

Justin: Btw, does Alex Smith officially have the smallest hands for a QB ever? Or am I imagining that?

Ralph: Chiefs. Eagles. Chargers. Niners.

Chris Yuscavage: Here's my quick picks: CHIEFS/COLTS, I'll take Jamaal Charles and the Chiefs. He just won me like a grand in two fantasy leagues, so I HAVE to go with his team. Plus, the Colts haven't looked all that impressive on offense lately (except when they've played the Texans and Jaguars). And the Colts just beat the Chiefs a couple weeks ago so…revenge.

SAINTS/EAGLES, I'll take the Saints. I'm a Giants fans and won't root for the Eagles. I wouldn't pick them here if they were playing the Texans. Living in New Jersey, I'm tired of hearing from their fans. Next.

CHARGERS/BENGALS, I'll take the Chargers. The Bengals suck in the playoffs. Is this right? The Bengals haven't won a playoff game in more than 20 years?! That's insane. Also, Andy Dalton threw a ton of INTs on the low this season.

49ERS/PACKERS, I'll take the Niners. Still not sure Rodgers is 100 percent and he's going to take some hits. Niners just seem to have Green Bay's number lately. Plus, I think we all really want to see SF go play Seattle in the playoffs. That'll make up for this weekend's matchups.