Alrighty kids, the moment is almost here! I wanted to check in with all of you who are coming tomorrow (PARTY, REMEMBER?), and post some things to remember.

A: COME. BRING YOUR COOL FRIENDS.2: DRESS UP. Look here for inspiration. http://images.burningman.com/index.cgi?q_photog=&q_category=&q_keyword=&q_year=2008THWEE: You do not need to, but are encouraged to, bring presents/alcohol/a bit of cash to help with donations at the AWESOME BAR and to make my birthday as good as it SHOULD BE!!!D: ROCK YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF. ( this, in Claire language, means DANCE MOTHERFUCKERS!)

starts at 8, show up earlyish (from 7:30-9) and we will have a costuming booth where you can decorate yourself and your friends.

IT IS NOT TO LATE FOR YOU TO DECIDE TO COME!! Just let me knoooow!!! Rides are being worked out from Bellingham and I will be calling people tomorrow.

WOOOO IM SO FREAKING EXCITED YOU CAN START GETTING EXCITED NOW. SEE YOU THERE!!!

It is my birthday. One of the greater things about a birthday is being able to go around and say it's your birthday. I am in Bellingham, and I am not sure what I am doing in case anyone has been waiting for me to turn 21.

"Its my birthday and I will cry and not be able to make rent and starve if I want to"...or if I don't want to.

Bitch Bitch Bitch.

My job, that I got today, is 4 hours a week. At less then 8 bucks an hour. This wasn't supposed to happen. I can't pay 400 dollars of rent. I can't pay for school. I have to move and I have no money. This job was supposed to help everything. I am so fucked. Scared enough to be ranting on LJ apparently.

And besides that, it is my own personal hell. It is all highschoolers who are more competent at this job then me, because they don't hate the national WHORE-DAY that people call Halloween. AND I WAS PLACED BEHIND THE BALLOON COUNTER AT 8:30 THIS MORNING. With four people filling balloons around me. I am deathly, irrationally afraid of helium balloons. I actually had to keep myself from crying. And I was there for four and a half hours, hung over and hungry. I had to help customers. I did not wear the "dress code requirements" because when I got hired they did not TELL ME TO. I had to watch two hours of "the art of selling" "harassment in the workplace" "lost children" and "welcome to party city". Fucking fuck.

Man, why can't life just give me a break today. Its my birthday.

Thank you Devyn, and everyone who helped to make my birthday party last night wonderful, and a memory that helps me deal right now.

And I'm fucking starving myself slowly. I hate it. I hate being so....malnourished and weak.

It was like Fear & Loathing in Ethel ... and all the other billions of places we went today, where EVERYONE looked EXACTLY the same, we had three females clerks in a row and they were all THE SAME MOTHERFUCKING PERSON. Then something made of fuckhead and death flew into Devyn's eye I was started to get delirious and dehydrated from heat exhaustion.

Hey everybody. I am in desperate need of someone, you, or a friend you think would like to meet me or just talk on the phone, or come over and get cookies and tea or whatever, but this person needs to be literate in moderate to advanced web design, or SQL. More specifically e-commerce web design. Most specifically, how to make a separate pop-up page from a picture, or setting up a good forum, or a custom design form that people can fill out and send to us from the site, along with some other things. It would need to be soon, by this weekend, but it doesn't need to be much. I know this is kind of a long shot, but its one of those things that I really need friend help for, and the internet is the best way to ask in this case. Think about it, ask your geeky friends, post back. Thank you everyone in advance, this is really kinda stressful and huge for me.

GAGE:I had a dream a few nights ago that we found Claire with her wrists cut in the bathtub. She'd left a strange sort of preemptive good-bye note on her computer. I don't remember the wording anymore, but it was something to the effect of, "Now I know what heaven looks like."

DEVYN:I had a dream the other night where Claire was being insanely mean and not telling anyone why, and she was crying all the time.

ME:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AARON TOLD ME A FEW DAYS AGO THAT HE HAD A DREAM THAT I WAS ON THE BUS WITH HIM AND STARTED MAKING OUT WITH RANDOM GUYS JUST BECAUSE THEY HIT ON ME. WHAT THE FREAKING FUCK IS THIS, DREAM ABOUT AWFUL CLAIRE TIME????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO CREEPED OUUUUTTTT!!!!!!!

But despite all of your love (which did make me feel better), the city of Olympia decided they need to cut off our water for an indiscriminate amount of time unless I get together $90, and send a check tomorrow. I just borrowed $300 for rent, and I have no other people to ask but the internet at large. Devyns car is dead. I hurt. this sucks so hard. gnuhhhhhhhh.

But, I am supposed to get paid on the 15th. If any of you can spare $90 (haha, I know) until next Thursday, or even just until next Tuesday, I could pay you back at that point in time. It has to be sent by tomorrow, so anyone can let me know tonight or before 5:00 tomorrow, that would be really, really, really...really great.

So, for all you Bellingham Friends/Acquaintances/Sidekicks of mine out there, I have a request, which stems from a problem.

I am coming from Olympia to Bellingham today, by Greyhound, and the bus is going to make it into Bellingham by about 12:30 TONIGHT.

I don't have a ride to get from the Fairhaven Greyhound/Train terminal, and I really don't want to walk from there to James and Alabama (next to Youngstocks the fruit stand, and where Red Apple used to be....kinda near Sunset Square) where my home is.

If you could give me that (VERY SHORT) ride, I would love to buy us both hot chocolate, or just give you a few bucks, or I'll just love you, or whatever.

You can reply to me here, or call me in Olympia @ 1-360-943-1177. I'm catching the bus at 7:30 tonight, so any replies after that I can't get.

Heres hoping someone in Bellingham still remembers and loves me!

oh, and I was considering calling you, GAGE, to see if Drew would do it....or possibly you, EMILY, even though you are going to be exhausted from getting into town, or not even in town by then...but maybe you will just read this, cuz I don't want to be inconvenient for either of you.

Thank you all, and I'll be in town to hang out for quite a while, so get ahold of me! My Bellingham #...676-9625

And then last night I had that strange dreamWhere everything was exactly how it seemedWhere concerns about the world getting warmerThe people thought they were just being rewardedFor treating others as they like to be treatedFor obeying stop signs and curing diseasesFor mailing letters with the address of the senderNow we can swim any day in november

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in.

I'm in Bellingham untill Sunday. Hook me up with all this Bellingham excitement, bitches!

I...think...that I will be street performing/busking at tomorrow night's Olympia Arts Walk. I am SCARED SHITLESS. This isn't performing where I agreed, got paid, was expected and promoted and put on posters beforehand and then I perform at a specific time and place. No one is asking or expecting me to do this. I have to gather a potentially unwilling/uninterested audience, entertain them, and then make them give me money. By JUGGLING. This is ridiculous. This is what I want to do with my life. This is my dream. I am so, so scared.

If anyone can remind me specifically of any talents I posses that they would be entertained by seeing, please let me know. I seem to have forgotten.

The reason why this is so hard is because it is the easiest job in the world to just back out of. No one is asking, no one is expecting. I can't whine, because I bring this upon myself. I can feel the adrenaline now. Do one thing everyday that scares you, huh? Well. Here I go.

Oh, and I don't usually ask for or need it, but some encouragement would be nice before I run screaming in the other direction.

LOOK OUT WORLD, HERE I COME!!!

On a completely unrelated note, I think I am going to become a suicidegirl. shweet.