SCREEN MAIN TITLES IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS. KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS. FATHER'S VOICE (TOM) Where's my wallet?! SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD) YOU IDIOT!! TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY) MOM! TODD SHUT-UP! EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE) I NEED A TOWEL!! TOM JOYCE! KIMBERLY (whispers, sadistic) When you turn ten, your head's going to swell up real big like a watermelon and we're going to have to put you to sleep like they do with a dog. TODD MOM! TOM JOYCE!! JEANIE WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!! TOM 1

for work. TOM Ferris? JOYCE He doesn't have a fever. But he says his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots. 4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS His lifeless eyes blink. 5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead. TOM What's the matter, Ferris? JOYCE Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy. Tom takes one of Ferris' hands. TOM (discreetly) Should you call the doctor? JOYCE (whispers) He doesn't want me to. TOM Why don't you want Mom to call the doctor? Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can manage is a choked gasp. TOM What? Ferris tries again. FERRIS (raspy) Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up. He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down. FERRIS I have a test today. I have to take it. I want to get into a good college so I can have a fruitful life... JOYCE You're not going to school like this. (to Tom) Maybe I should call the office and 5 4

A major pill. Ferris' brother. If I was bleeding out my eyes. She's cute and stuck-up. Jeanie.tell them I won't be in. She glares at Ferris. Jeanie. She slips out of the room. Jeanie? JEANIE Pucker up and squat. KIMBERLY Myocardial infarction? JOYCE
. KIMBERLY peek into the room. JEAN Yeah. FERRIS Is that Jeanie? I can't see that far. His older sister. I wanna puke. JEANIE. What's this? What's his problem? JOYCE He doesn't feel well. Be thankful that you're fit and have your health. God! He's gripped by a seizure. JEAN Oh. His body stiffens and he chokes. fine. Jeanie. She's dressed for school. Ferris. you guys'd make me go to school. Cherish it.. walks into the room. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. defeated) You're really letting him stay home? I can't believe this. JOYCE (annoyed) Thank you. JEANIE You're not falling for this. are you? Tell me you're not falling for this. FERRIS Please don't be upset with me. right.Oh. TOM That's enough. TODD and sister. Dry that one out and you can fertilize the lawn. It's so unfair. Mom. JEANIE (angry. I feel perfectly. Get to school. JEANIE (to herself) Oh.. FERRIS I'm okay.

Maybe I'll have an aspirin around noon. TOM Get downstairs! KIMBERLY If he dies. KIMBERLY (OC) A WATERMELON! TODD (yells out the room) Shut-up! JOYCE Get downstairs! NOW! Todd backs out of the room. caring parents.. FERRIS I'll be okay. TODD (worried) Dad? Does my head look alright? JOYCE Get downstairs! Now! TODD Just answer me one question! Is it swelling up? Kim said it was going to get as big as. FERRIS 6
. She turns sharply and exits. if you need me. JOYCE (to Ferris) I'm showing houses to the family from California today but I'll be in the area.Get your stuff. too. You're both very special people. I'll just sleep. FERRIS It's nice to know I have such loving. Daddy'll be right down. TOM I'll check it with you. KIMBERLY Syphilitic meningitus? That would be a huge family embarrassment.. I got dibs on his stereo. My office'll know where I am. 6 CU.

His glassy eyes follow his parents to the door. The MTV theme music ROARS IN. Ferris' eyes shift from the door to CAMERA. sweetie. 10 INT. The lock clicks. FERRIS Parents always fall for the clammy hands. 8 CU. JOYCE (OC) We love you. It's physical evidence of illness. A sly. TOM Get some rest. The MTV logo is playing. She leans down and kisses his forehead. You get a nervous mother and you end up in a doctor's office 10 9 8 7
. BEDROOM. 9 CU. Tom pats his shoulder. JOYCE I hope you feel better. The pall of the sickroom disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight. TV SCREEN The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. TOM (OC) Call if you need us. (looks out the window) What a beautiful day! He turns from the window. little smile crawls across his lips. 7 INT. They close the door. FERRIS Ferris lets out a wheeze. pumpkin. FERRIS Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second. And to make them work you have to go a hundred and one. BEDROOM Ferris yanks open the drapes. hundred and two. It's a good. JOYCE She strokes Ferris' hair. FERRIS They bought it. non-specific symptom. Parents are generally pretty hip to the fever scams.He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.

It's littered with Jean's debris. FERRIS I don't care if you're fifty five or seven. I mean. It's moulded into a fin with shampoo. I absolutely make this one count. 11 INT. So. He turns on the shower water. BATHROOM Ferris walks into the bathroom. just lick your palms. He pops up. Through the pebbled glass of the shower door we see Ferris' outline. He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV broadcast. 12 INT. It's a beautiful day. FERRIS Fake a stomach cramp and when you're doubled over. really. I don't plan to be European. FERRIS I do actually have a test. So. It's a little stupid and childish but then so if high school.and that's worse than school. I'm probably going to to barf up a lung. A NEW SONG begins. FERRIS That I care about it was. Right? He equalizes the sound a little. What's the point? I'm not European. How can I be expected to handle high school? He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. go for ten. He steps into the shower. That wasn't bullshit. who gives a shit if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists and it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car. Inside the shower. SHOWER STALL. Ferris' hair is standing straight up. 12 11
. BATHROOM. FERRIS It's on European socialism. moaning and wailing. everybody needs a day off now and then.
He exits into the hallway. This If I have must FERRIS is my ninth sick day with semester.

"Isms".. It took you twenty years to find out you don't believe in anything?" (snaps his fingers) Grounded. FERRIS (OC) I'm not very political? Let me put that into perspective. 14 13
.. right? On the Fourth of July he was down with my aunt and he got drunk and told my Dad he felt guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam. TWIST AND SHOUT. FERRIS My uncle went to Canada to protest the war. "What's the deal. 13 INT. He passes CAMERA and goes into his room." A good point there. FERRIS Not that I condone fascism. HALLWAY. Or and "isms". A person should not believe in an "ism". He should believe in himself. So I said. He's drying his hair with another of a different color. He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it. Uncle Jeff? In wartime you want to be a pacifist and in peacetime you want to be a soldier. BABY. He opens his door. Two weeks. 14 INT. John Lennon said it on his first solo album. FERRIS I could be the Walrus and I'd still have to bum rides off people. I just believe in me. BEDROOM Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed. Afterall.He turns the shower head around and uses it like a microphone. They can be real touchy. "I don't believe in Beatles.. LATER Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. he was the Walrus. Just like that. (pause) Be careful when you deal with old hippies. in my opinion are not good.. FERRIS (sings) WELL SHAKE IT UP.

I do what I can for him. He picks it up.. He's a serious outsider. I mean. (pause) My parents never allowed Garth over here. CLOSET The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts. There's an old model of a submarine on the top of the dresser. He finds a shirt he likes. If she listens to the White Album now? She doesn't hear music. It isn't his fault that his brother's screwed-up. Nothing was wrong. his mother owns a gas station. I'd appreciate it. Not a bad guy. I like him. Alot of fights with the parents on that point. .15
INT. It's sad but I don't hold it against her. I wouldn't want him here. I hope not. Mainly his older brother. He's in jail. The smoke tasted like glue. It'll probably be mine. He drops the towel. He pulls out a pair of underwear. I could see them not wanting his brother here because he is a registered psycho. "Nothing". Better to hold it against the guys who use her and don't care about her. I asked him what was wrong and he said.. FERRIS My mother was a hippie. There was no specific thing he was crying about. Nostalgia is her favorite drug.
15
16
INT. He steps back from the closet and puts it on. She only puts out so people will hang out with her. FERRIS His name is Garth Volbeck. He opens his underwear drawer. Do unto others. She got old.
16
. I'm probably his only friend. BEDROOM He walks across the room to his dresser. which is complete bullshit. His father's dead and his sister's rumored to be a prostitute. It was because of his family. too. But Garth isn't his brother. But she lost it. right? Anyway. if I was him. I always felt for Garth. FERRIS In eighth grade a friend of mine made a bong out of one of these. I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of artificial fruit just so he could see what it was like to have his stomach pumped. He gets dressed as he speaks. I was sleeping at his house once and I was laying on the dark worrying that his brother was going to come in and hack me to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying. she hears memories.

He crosses to the pantry. He's wearing a completely different outfit. Garth doesn't need his brother to give him a rep anymore. He's eighteen. STAIRCASE Ferris comes down the stairs. 17 INT. The guy's so conditioned to grief that if he doesn't feel it. he can't sleep. cut loose and enjoy. It was a habit. He just cried himself to sleep every night. Alot of people ditch and feel great for about an hour. Gone from school. they do feel for him but still the guy's banned from our house. FERRIS You have to plan things out before you take the day off. It's over for him. He's lost. He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.In fact. FERRIS Unfortunately. His legacy is a gas station. How could you possibly dump on guy who has to deal with that kinda shit? My parents acknowledge the trudge of the situation and I'm sure that deep down. FERRIS One very serious danger is playing sick is that it's possible to believe your own act. I myself have ditched and gotten so bored I did homework. now my parents have a legit argument. He doesn't like what he's wearing. he wasn't really even aware that he was crying. He continues his speech as he disrobes. HOUSE. Figure that shit out. Then they realize there's nothing to do. 18 INT. KITCHEN Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the refrigerator. FERRIS That and boredom. Otherwise you get all nervous worrying about what to do and all you get is grief and the whole point is to take it easy. FERRIS 18 17
. He's getting one on his own. Gone from life. TV and food.

19 INT. "This kid's young and strong and has a full. PHONE He punches out a number. rich future ahead of him... He reaches over and picks up the telephone. 23 22 21 20 19
. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS Some guy whose hair is falling out and his stomach's hanging over his belt and everything he eats makes him fart. He's mumbling random words. when everybody's out of school. CAMERON Food. He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos. Plan your day. And it's not always recognized. A telephone rings OVER... floor strewn with used tissues. he looks at someone like me and thinks. We don't see his face. is laying in bed. FERRIS There's alot of pressure at work in my age group.You blow your day and at about three o'clock. 21 INT. A prime house in a prime location. 22 EXT.. nightstand a still-life of over the counter remedies. CAMERON FRYE. He sets it in his lap. modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. dreary sick room... 23 INT. A high school boy.yes. BOY'S BEDROOM It's a dark. FERRIS He remote controls the TV on. only a silhouette with a thermometer sticking out his mouth. FERRIS Avoid the misery.shelter. FAMILY ROOM Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair. Shades drawn. you're going to wish you'd gone to school so you could be out having fun. FERRIS That's just one reason why I need a day off every now and then. ANOTHER HOUSE A sleek. what's he got to bitch about?" 20 CU. Do it right.no.. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY is playing.

Cameron hits the speaker button. it's Cameron. rotting Air Jordans. A shoe's POV. (after-thought) And Cameron would worry that he'd owe taxes on it. 27 INT. TEACHER'S VOICE Busch? GIRL'S VOICE 27 26
. pristine loafers. FERRIS If anybody needs a day off. I've come close myself. But I like him. He has alot of things to sort out before he graduates. It travels past a teacher's Hush Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow Reebocks.. TEACHER'S VOICE Albers? BOY'S VOICE Here. His roommate'll kill him. in two weeks you'd have a diamond. SCHOOL. GIRL'S VOICE Here. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM Ferris hangs up. You just can't think of anything good to do.. HALLWAY We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. TEACHER'S VOICE Anheiser? BOY'S VOICE Here. TEACHER'S VOICE Anderson. Pardon by French but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass. 26 INT. FERRIS' VOICE You're not dying. scuffed heels. He can't be wound this tight and go to college. The boy cannot relax.The phone rings again. CAMERA enters a classroom. He's a little easier to take when you know why he's like he is.

He gives it a twist.Here. He reaches down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve. GIRL'S VOICE (cheery) No problem whatsoever. INT. CU. TEACHER'S VOICE (weary) Thank you. CU. FERRIS He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war wagon. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that it's empty. TEACHER'S VOICE Drucker? BOY'S VOICE What? WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD. I guess it's pretty serious. 28
. TV Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve. He's steering. TEACHER'S VOICE Bueller? GIRL'S VOICE He's sick. He's wearing a hockey mash. Simone. FAMILY ROOM. (pause) My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out at 31 Flavors last night. CU. The big chase at the end. FERRIS He throws himself back against the chair. TV The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws Humongous back in his seat. 28 CU. TV THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette.

He comes up with a five. hey. CU. records. In times of crisis one must to what one must to. I'll pay it back. FERRIS Arms outstretched. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY" 29
. how often they rat on you.CU. CU. you should not alientate them. TV The was wagon hurtles down the road. 29 CU. braced for collision. TV IMPACT! MOZART COMES UP. CU. CU. Petite pink flowers. It's Jeanie's room. Because most likely they have cash and it's usually very easy to get your hands on. head thrown back. Clothes everywhere. I'm broke. But. FERRIS He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high speed ride. make-up. books. A pink and powder blue pig pen. FERRIS This is really degrading. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH Outside a bedroom window. Ferris is sitting on her bed going through a purse. With interest. CU. A flowering crabtree branch. how gross they act or how wicked and insensitive they can be. He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill. Very damaging to the self-image. FERRIS Regardless of how much shit sisters make you eat. FERRIS He rears back in horror. He holds up a twenty and snaps it. TV The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the tanker truck. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE ROOM. FERRIS Financing my activities this way.

Then a modest wad of bills.COMES UP. FLOOR AND BED 40 39 38 37 36 35 34 33 32 31 30
. KITCHEN DRAWER Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. 31 INT. A roll of Tums. 36 CU. 32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP A couple of stiff. A U. 33 CU. CU. 40 CU. A hand scoops them up.S. the quarters are being popped out of their slots. A hand peels the bills off the backing. 30 INT. One-by-one. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth. hard. new five. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. LIVING ROOM The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions. 35 CU. SOFA Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice. dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the floor. Another crumpled bill surfaces. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET An obvious gift from a grandparent. 34 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER The dusty. A squirt gun. COIN COLLECTION The familiar blue collector's album. bleached singles that have gone through the wash lay on top of the washer. HALL CLOSET The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets of the coats. 37 CU. Mint proof set. He closes the door. a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A ten. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp. PARENTS' BEDROOM Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. A screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and pops them apart. 39 INT. SNOOPY BANK It's being shaken furiously. His face lights up as he counts out the cash. 38 CU. Locating a dollar bill. BIRTHDAY CARD It's a child's card.

They're also real estate agents. HIGH SCHOOL A modern. 43 CU. Not even those jerks from Vermont. OFFICE Joyce is behind a desk. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. TABLE LEG Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used to balance the table. A cute little building in town. Volbeck's dead set against putting any money into the house. An awl is driven in between the door and the jamb. KITCHEN Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table. She take the call. 46 EXT. It pries the door open. a five dollar bill. suburban high school.Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. I completely forgot to call. 45 CU. MORNING A suburban realty company. JOYCE No one's going to consider a house with a black living room. I'm so sorry. Across from her are two WOMEN. FERRIS' BED A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. 47 INT. finally. 41 CU. 44 INT. 48 47 46 45 44 43 42 41
. JOYCE Joyce Bueller. JOYCE Oh. a charred doll's head. KITCHEN Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter. my God. Let's be realistic. a Zippo lighter and. AGENT 1 Mrs. Inside are trading cards. 42 INT. Her eyes open wide with alarm. 48 EXT. BANK It's on a work bench. The SONG ENDS. His arm reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.

ROONEY. He's confident to the point of arrogance. I am. Mrs. JOYCE'S VOICE This is all news to me. He removes his feet from the desk and turns in his swivel chair. DEAN'S VOICE Are you also aware that Ferris does not have what we consider an exemplary attendance record? 51 INT. Ferris is home sick. JOYCE'S VOICE Yes. CU. clean and straight as an I-beam. INT. Behind him is a computer terminal.MAN'S VOICE Are you aware that your son is not in school today? 49 INT. DEAD OF STUDENTS. CU. ROONEY If Ferris thinks he coast this last month and still graduate. I should have called. behind the sign. COMPUTER MONITOR The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records. DESK SIGN It reads. EDWARD R. We hear the dean inside the office. CU. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. DEAN'S OFFICE. He's toying with a pencil. SCHOOL. 50 INT. The dean's feet are up on the desk. I had a meeting first thing this morning. Moderately priced dress shoes. DEAN ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. DEAN'S VOICE I just had his file up. ROONEY I just has his file up. JOYCE'S VOICE I don't understand. SCHOOL. He's tough. suit and tie. OFFICE. he's sorely mistaken. HALLWAY It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students. 51 50 49
. Bueller. neatly combed hair. It completely slipped my mind. Short.

Including today. INT. JOYCE I can give you every assurance that Ferris is home and that he is. He has his record up on the screen. 52 INT. he's been absent nine times. CU.. I got a computer. He's missed. He's playing. TV MONITOR We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck. LED METERS The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone. He looks closer at the screen. How's that for being born under a bad sign? 53 INT. SOLO GUITAR. ROONEY I have it right here in front of me. JOYCE'S VOICE Nine times? Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a number 2.ROONEY'S VOICE So far this semester alone. CU. CU. FERRIS' BEDROOM MUSIC BLASTS. he's truly a very sick boy. 54 53 52
. very ill.. He reads off the screen. JOYCE'S OFFICE She's still on the phone with Rooney. but in Ferris' case. 54 INT. OFFICE Rooney turns to the monitor. I debated whether or not I should even leave him. FERRIS' ROOM Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. SPEAKER The grille cloth is throbbing. I can appreciate that at this time of year children are prone to taking the day off. FERRIS I wanted a car. in fact.

He sighs deeply and fall back on the bed. SCHOOL. JEANIE Who said he's sick. (to the phone) Did you see Alien? When the guy had the creature in his stomach? It feels like that. 58 INT. HALLWAY 58 57 56 55
. She kicks her locker shut. FERRIS' ROOM He's in bed on the phone. I'm bricking heavily. I don't know. Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl. CAMERON'S ROOM He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. JEANIE What're you sorry for? I have to live with the trouser snake. 55 INT.CU. VIDEO CAMERA A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape. 56 INT. A GIRLFRIEND comes up to her. GIRL I'm really sorry about your brother. FERRIS A sample of my blood was sent to Atlanta to the Center for Disease Control. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment. 57 INT. man. They said he's like on the verge of death. GIRL This guy in my biology class said that if Ferris dies he's giving his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's really sweet isn't he? She smiles and exits. (point to the phone) Freshman. I mean I heard he's really sick. SCHOOL. GIRL No. HALLWAY Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. GIRL A whole bunch of people.

BOY Goddamn! Are you kidding? SECOND BOY What? BOY Did you see Alien? SECOND BOY No. no. He's really wasted.A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. GIRL Hello? (pause) Who? (pause)
. He's getting me out of summer school. We gotta split. BOY Anyway. You know him? THIRD BOY (excited) Yeah. I appreciate you letting us know how you're doing. BOY Oh. SECOND BOY (to Third Boy) Shit. BOY You never rented the video cassette? Second boy shakes his head. BOY Did you see Alien? GIRL Yeah.Yeah. A couple of his BUDDIES are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news. sure. The boy snatches a passing GIRL. Hold on. (pause) Huh?.. I can't handle summer school.. I hope he doesn't die. THIRD BOY (to the Second Boy) Who's he talking to? SECOND BOY Ferris Bueller. why? He hands her the phone.

you better not throw anybody. 61 INT. they all adore him. A florist's truck drives past the house. To show these kids that the example he sets is a first class ticket to nowhere. sluts. FERRIS' ROOM He's on the telephone. Sportos. richies. Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile. ROONEY Really? He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint. FERRIS' HOUSE It's a glorious late spring day. Ed. ROONEY I don't trust this kid any further than I can throw him! SECRETARY With your bad knee. You sounded like Dirty Harry just now. my God! You're dying? Is it serious? (pause) Shiit! Are you upset? 59 INT. geeks. ROONEY That's exactly why I have to catch him this time. His SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder. pinheads. SECRETARY (impressed) Ooo. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy.Hi. 60 EXT. dweebies. As he speaks he does a little 61 60 59
. SECRETARY He's very popular. wonkers. Ferris. How's your bod? (jaw drops) Oh. The last thing I need at this point in my career is fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples running around these halls. Rooney stares at her for a long beat. ROONEY What's so dangerous about a character like Ferris Bueller is that he gives the good kids bad ideas. motorheads. Ed.

It's almost summer. DOWNTOWN A LaSalle Street office tower. 63 INT. man. making me wait around the house for you. The other phone line rings. If this was Hawaii. FERRIS Squeeze you buns for a second. I feel like shit. FERRIS' ROOM He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness. Take some Pepto Bismol and get dressed. FERRIS Be a man. He sounds like he's on his last breath. we'd be surfing. 62 INT. I got another call. He clears his throat and answers the second line. you can find a new best friend. CAMERON I'm sick. TOM'S VOICE Ferris? 65 INT. FERRIS H--hell-o? 64 EXT. Why can't you leave me alone? FERRIS' VOICE You're not up for some good times? It's a beautiful day. CAMERON'S BEDROOM Cameron's back in bed. A Modigliani nude. You're boring me with this stuff. He puts Cameron on hold. FERRIS You want to stay home and try to have the shits? Try to barf? Try to feel worse? CAMERON'S VOICE I don't have to try. FERRIS Cameron. TOM'S OFFICE 65 64 63 62
.MacPainting on his MacIntosh. I'm serious. OFFICE BUILDING. This is bullshit. if you're not over here in fifteen minutes.

Are you busted? FERRIS It's completely cool. He disconnects and gets his father back. He puts his father on hold. The moment before you called. FERRIS Cameron? It's my Dad. CAMERON'S VOICE Oh. Hold on. that's just great.He's behind his desk. listen to me. FERRIS' VOICE Really? Darn! I thought I was improving. It was making me ill looking at it. pal. I'm working on getting some heavy bucks out of him. He's just checking up on me. But gee. 66
. Herman Miller desk and chair. He switches back to his sick voice. Two windows. Nice office. FERRIS Sorry. Are you alright? FERRIS Just a little phlegm on the phone. Now. So. TOM Were you sleeping? FERRIS' VOICE I was trying to do some homework. Dad. FERRIS Dad? Can you hold on a second? TOM'S VOICE Sure. it's sure great of you to call. TOM You sound miserable. 66 CU. the least you can do is hurry up and get over here. FERRIS (OC) I'm so worried about falling behind. INT. I had a chest spasm and I blew lung fluid all over the place. FERRIS' ROOM He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke. Bye. COMPUTER MONITOR A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making.

FERRIS' ROOM He blows a smoke ring. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard. COMPUTER SCREEN A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA".I'm sure there're alot of fathers who wouldn't take time out from their busy schedules to call a dumb. TOM'S VOICE Hey. FERRIS' ROOM He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the desk. Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them. FERRIS You work so hard I'll bet you don't even remember where those bonds are. (looks at CAMERA and smiles) It was that kind of concern. FERRIS You had to work hard for the money to buy those things. Dad. He lights a cigarette. yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're just trying to cheer me up. TOM'S VOICE Wrong. pal. right? TOM'S VOICE Not any harder than anybody else. what was I supposed to do? Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. Pedestrians stop to look. It's like those savings bonds you used to give me every Christmas. FERRIS Give yourself some credit. sick teenager. 68 67
. right? Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father. The screen dumps the drawing. 67 EXT. It was a mammoth gesture. 68 INT. CHICAGO LOOP. INT. CU. He nods. FERRIS Oh.

TOM'S VOICE Okay. 69
. TOM'S VOICE I want to. Ferris smiles. They're in a shoebox in my closet. I hope my kids don't pull this shit on me. Dad. I think I better lie down. You take care. He turns his desk chair around and gets up. CAMERON We're gonna get caught. I take it back. you lose some. He's gotten exactly what he wants.TOM'S VOICE Like hell I am. sick voice) Dad? All this talking has made me kind of light-headed. FERRIS (to CAMERA. (to the phone. Ferris sighs. I'm so Twenty in his or not 69 INT. CAMERON He's sitting behind the wheel of his car. FERRIS You win some. bucks says he's sitting car debating about whether he should go out. No doubt about it. if they didn't. they'd be dumb and abnormal and they'd probably never move out of my house and I'd have to support them until I die. pal. He cuts the engine. I'll call you after lunch. (thinks) Of course. FERRIS You don't have to. He looks at CAMERA. CAR. normal voice) Was that a class move or what? The guy gave it up faster than a drunk Catholic girl. CAMERON FERRIS disappointed in Cameron. He hangs up. Bye now.

Another beat.. DRESSER DRAWER Hands curl around the drawer pulls. what'll happen is I'll get caught. The hands lift a sweater out. HALLWAY Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway. 72 INT. He stops the engine. FERRIS Cameron'll go on like that for a good thirty minutes. He goes into the bathroom. CAMERON He'll keep calling until I come over. He's the only guy I know who's deeply concerned that when he grows up there'll be a critical shortage of strategic metals. He leafs through the pages for the pictorials as he speaks. (waves the magazine) Pardon moi. The reason he doesn't fell good is. A HERALDIC STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM DOWN. 70 CU. FERRIS Cameron's also the only guy I know who knows what strategic metals are. Another beat. LATER 72 71 70
. FERRIS' ROOM He takes out the magazine. FERRIS (sings) MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER. he worries about everything. INT.I'm not doing it. CLASSROOM. Ferris'll escape. He exits the room. SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED. He sits for half a beat. 71 INT. The guy is a shellfish when it comes to making a decision.. He sighs and restarts the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC. The drawer is opened slowly. ominously. CAMERON Actually.

For a moment. SLOANE She. is sitting at her desk in a history class. As she gathers her books she looks to the GIRL next to her. He nods grimly to the Nurse. The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. HALLWAY The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand. dusty lecture. (sneezes) Pardon me. SLOANE A smile curls across her lips. ROONEY He has a suspicious look on his face. NURSE She's a picture of compassion and understanding. watches the nurse curiously. SLOANE (whispers) Dead grandmother. 73 INT. 74 73
. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear. NURSE Sloane Peterson? SLOANE Sits up in her seat. 74 CU.A stunningly beautiful girl. She looks at the kids. the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard him sneeze. She's staring out the window as a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry. INT. NURSE (nods solemnly) Dead grandmother. TEACHER AND NURSE The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece of disturbing news. NURSE May I see you outside for a moment? There's been an emergency. CLASSROOM. SLOANE PETERSON. TEACHER Roosevelt's health had seriously deteriorated by the time he met with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta. like the others.

ROONEY Ed Rooney. He thinks for a beat then reaches for the phone.ROONEY Dead grandmother? INT. Peterson. ROONEY How are you today. ROONEY Who's this girl's going with? SECRETARY It's so hard to tell. She puts the call on hold. His secretary is standing across from him. SECRETARY That's what Mr. MAN'S VOICE Ed? This is George Peterson. Can you hold? Thank you. She stops and answers the desk phone. SECRETARY Do you still want his number? Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. Peterson said. He punches the phone button. She smiles and backs out. I had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane. (pause) Yes. Rooney smiles. SECRETARY It's Mr.
. I see her alot with Ferris Bueller. ROONEY Could you get me Mr. Peterson's daytime number? As the secretary starts out of the room. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's at his desk. Rooney is startled. sir? MAN'S VOICE We've had a bit of bad luck this morning as you may have heard. SECRETARY Edward Rooney's office. His suspicions are confirmed. Rooney's phone rings.

Was this your mother? Rooney's other line rings. ROONEY I'll tell you want. You hear me? The secretary comes in. 75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other line. ROONEY I heard. I'm all broken up. It's so obvious it's not Mr. She stomps her foot. Her jaw drops. She turns to Rooney in horror. It's school policy. please.Rooney rolls his eyes. You produce a corpse and I'll release Sloane. ROONEY (whispers) It's Ferris Bueller. Rooney tries to wave her away. you can just come on down and smooch by big old ugly ass. And. She hurried into Rooney's office. He's angry. I'm gonna set a trap and let his walk right into it! (to phone) That's right. gosh. I'd be happy to release Sloane. He covers the phone. Cart the stiff in and I'll turn over your daughter. ROONEY What!? SECRETARY Ferris Bueller's on line two. you don't like my policies. 76 INT. SECRETARY Hold. Rooney covers the phone. The secretary stops cold in the doorway. Huh? Oh. 76 75
. Nervy litttle punk. sure. Peterson. She puts the call on hold and hangs up. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line. SECRETARY Ed Rooney's office. She's waving her arms furiously. I want to see this dead grandmother firsthand.

phoney "father" voice. CU. CU. PHONE The second line light is flashing. cocks his head. sir. He nods. ROONEY'S FACE A mask of horror. What's the matter with you. He's doing a deep. ROONEY He blinks. 79 INT. fastening his belt.CU. FERRIS' ROOM He's zipping his pants. The phone's cradled against his shoulder. ROONEY'S FOOT It freezes in mid-tap. FERRIS Mr. FERRIS' HOUSE. DEAN'S OFFICE. KITCHEN Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. CU. 77 INT. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb you at work but I was wondering if it would be possible for my sister to bring home any assignments from my classes that I may need. CU. He speaks in the same voice he used on his father. CAMERON You oughta be sorry for Christ's sake! A family member dies and you insult me. anyway? 79 78 77
. ROONEY'S HAND The pencils falls from his fingers. CU. PHONE Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting call. ROONEY He's staring blankly ahead. 78 INT. ROONEY He winces as he returns to the first call. CU. He glances at the phone. twitches. FERRIS' VOICE Thank you.

You have to know. I can't begin to tell you how embarrassed I am. goddamn it! ROONEY'S VOICE Sir. Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the conversation. trembling. KITCHEN Cameron lays into Rooney. Peterson. Do you read me? ROONEY'S VOICE Load and clear. You're doing great. CAMERON That's better. You just make sure my daughter's out in front of the school in ten minutes. ROONEY I don't know. CAMERON Call me sir. ROONEY He apologies profusely to Cameron. Ferris! What is Rooney guesses my voice! FERRIS Impossible. Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone.80
INT. Cameron covers the phone. that I would never deliberately insult you. CAMERON (to Ferris) I'm scared shitless. ROONEY Absolutely! I most certainly am. CAMERON This isn't over yet.
80
81
INT. Mr. CAMERON'S VOICE Pardon my French but you're an asshole! Rooney nods enthusiastically.
81
. sir. DEAN'S OFFICE. I thought you were someone else. buster. He's perspiring. CAMERON (clears his throat) I don't have all day to bark at you so I'll make this short and sweet.

CAMERON I changed my mind. FERRIS Talk! Cameron takes a deep breath. He's said the wrong thing. moron. CAMERON What'd I do? FERRIS Out in front my herself? It's too suspicious! He'll think something's up. 83 82
. By herself. The phone flies out of his hand. Cover it. CAMERON'S VOICE On second thought. CAMERON I want my daughter out in front of the school in ten minutes. We'll get together soon and have lunch. CAMERON You do it! Ferris waves his arms angrily. FERRIS (mouths) Great! Cameron smiles proudly. You be out in front with her! I wanna have a few words with you! Ferris slaps Cameron. fella. He holds the phone out to Ferris. 83 INT. Cameron panics.. I don's want anyone around. Ferris smacks Cameron. He covers the phone. 82 CU. THEN CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT. I don't have time to talk to you. FERRIS' KITCHEN Cameron's rubbing the side of his head. He clears his throat and puts on his father's voice.Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up.. ROONEY He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK! We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE. We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS.

Cameron's anger is intensified by his embarrassment. Look. make me do a phoney phone call on a dean of students. being me over here. You get me out of bed. CAMERON You hit me. really? FERRIS Yeah. you're so stupid! (aside) I didn't hit you. CAMERON I was home. sick. God. I lightly slapped you. don't ask me to participate in your crap if you don't like the way I do it! Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. FERRIS How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's going to be there with her?! CAMERON I said for her to be there alone and you freaked! FERRIS My.CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me?! FERRIS Where's your brain?! CAMERON Why'd you hit me? FERRIS Where's your brain? CAMERON I asked you first. FERRIS I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings. really. CAMERON Oh. make me jeopardize my future.
. a man who could squeeze my nuts into oblivion and then you deliberately hurt my feelings.

CAMERON You're serious? He turns around.Cameron glares at Ferris. Cameron's jaw drops. 84 INT. He appreciates Ferris apology. CAMERON AND FERRIS Cameron's face is ashen. CAMERON Hey. Ferris sighs. FERRARI STALLION The prancing black stallion. Ferris? Have a nice life. FERRIS You did screw up through. CU. Ferris. 84
. The end of the world is at hand. dramatically as we hear a heraldic fanfare. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear. Cameron stops. FERRIS Dead serious. CAMERON Thanks. It was uncalled for. I didn't mean to jam you. I'm going to have to ask you for a small favor. FERRIS Cameron? CAMERON Stick it up your ass. He turns and heads out of the room. Right? CAMERON (suspiciously) Why? FERRIS To fix this situation. right? Not that is was necessarily all you fault. I'm sorry. Ferris is smiling with excitement and awe. GARAGE The door opens slowly. Cameron smiles. FERRIS Cameron. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris looking at the car. We move up from the stallion to the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California.

this is real simple. Look. FERRIS He doesn't trust you? CAMERON No. Don't worry about it. Cameron. He has it tatooed on his wrist. my father loves this car more than life itself. FERRIS It's a piece of shit. FERRIS It is his fault he didn't lock the garage. It is joy. look. He just rubs it with a diaper. FERRIS Whatever miles we put on it. it is his love. I don't even have a piece of shit. Ferris. Peterson drives that piece of shit. He puts his arm around Cameron. I'm sorry but there's nothing else we can do. CAMERON It's not a piece of shit. It has a market value of $265. I have to envy yours.
. CAMERON Ferris. My father spent three years restoring it.000. CAMERON (grim monotone) 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. FERRIS A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. Ferris. CAMERON He never drives it. FERRIS Alright. it is his passion. We can't take is out. we'll take off. FERRIS We can't pick up Sloane in your car.Ferris is in heaven. CAMERON He knows the mileage. Less than a hundred were made. Rooney'd never believe Mr.

I'm sorry but. 87 INT. I'm putting my foot down. CAMERON That makes no sense whatsoever. I have to live with the man. SCHOOL The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down. Cameron shakes his head. 86 EXT. SCHOOL. CU. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her books. the less likely we are to get caught. CAMERON Are you crazy?! Put the top back up! FERRIS This is perfect top-down weather. CAMERON What about Rooney? FERRIS Cameron. proud smile) We'll drive home backwards... You'll have to think of something else. CAMERON Forget it. She stops as Sloane and Rooney walk past..You're not talking me into this one. The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a crowded school hallway. CAMERON'S VOICE . Jeanie watches her suspiciously. no..CAMERON (suspicious) How? FERRIS (big. Cameron's in the back.. Ferris. FERRARI GRILLE Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar of the twelve cylinders. the more obvious we are.. FERRIS 87 86 85
. 85 INT. JEANIE She comes out of a classroom. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses. FERRARI Ferris is driving.

Very old. (look around at Cameron) Stay down.The adult mind is a suspicious machine. THEIR POV Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. See ya. CAMERON Howcome it's my Dad's car and I'm taking all the risk and I have to ride back here? FERRIS I don't have an explanation. SLOANE I guess that's my Dad. Yeah. SCHOOL. SCHOOL Rooney's suspicious. Um. JEANIE She's watching out the door. She was a terrific lady. Something does compute for him. 89 INT. He's careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline. man. FERRIS Hurry along now! EXT. DEEP VOICE Oh. ROONEY Once again let me say how deeply saddened I am by your loss. Very hip. Thanks. Yeah. SLOANE Huh? ROONEY Were you close to your grandmother? SLOANE Oh. Very. Rooney looks. She sees the Ferrari pull away. 89 88
. 88 EXT. Rooney watches her. She hurries to the car. SCHOOL Rooney and Sloane come out the door. Cameron squeezes himself lower. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty farewell. Sloane! Dear! Sloane looks across at the Ferrari.

FERRIS (to CAMERA) If you had access to a car like this would you take it back right away? Would you give up feeling like a ton just to ease your best friend's tension? He smiles. Please.
92
. FERRARI Sloane shrieks with delight.
90
91
INT. FERRARI It accelerates away like a shot. SLOANE What're we gonna do? FERRIS The question isn't "what are we gonna do". SLOANE Hi. ROONEY He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him. Cameron. You comfortable? CAMERON Hi. She leans across the console and gives Ferris a kiss. STREET. SLOANE What a fabulous car! CAMERON Enjoy it quick. it was bold but it was totally necessary. FERRIS It was risky. the question is "what aren't we going to do. SLOANE This is so great! I can't believe it! Right in front of Rooney! She laughs and turns to Cameron." CAMERON Don't tell me we're not going to take the car home. SCHOOL.
91
92
EXT. FERRIS Either would I.90
EXT. It' s going home. No.

ZZ Top. BANK. TELLER I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. How are you? TELLER She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. Froeling. In fact. FERRIS (to Cameron) And this is my brother-in-law. Mrs. Sloane suppresses a laugh. INT. I'm as chipper as can be. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom. As she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. Froeling. I'm married. Cameron blanches. Ferris smiles. ZZ. should you be in school? FERRIS He lays his savings bonds on the counter. The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot. Cameron's having stomach trouble. FERRIS Hello. She smiles when she sees Ferris. BANK. Ferris leads the way to an open teller window. This is my wife. Cameron and Sloane walk in.
94
. She withdraws it from the hair and smiles at it's reappearance. SUBURBAN BANK A fresh. In doing so she locates a missing ball point pen. Ferris is cocky and confident. DOORS Ferris.93
EXT.. so I'm a little pooped but other than that. (something occurs to her) Say. this is Mrs. modern bank building. Mrs.
93
94
INT. TELLER A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive.. The clock outside read 9:53. It's about four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. FERRIS Me? (polite laugh) I'm out of school. She's been at the bank since they opened. Froeling. TELLER Ferris Bueller? FERRIS He's at the window.Madonna. On either shoulder are Cameron and Sloane.

Cameron isn't amused. TELLER (to Cameron) Is Top a Slavic name? CAMERON Yeah. FERRIS I'd like to cash these in, please. We're having a baby and we need the cash for a crib, clothes, diapers, food pellets, leash, water dish... INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line drive. TELLER A baby! (to Sloane) You must be so excited. Cameron groans and turns away from the sham. SLOANE I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially looking forward to wearing those jeans with the stretch panel in front. Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds. TELLER Are you hoping for a boy or a girl? SLOANE Actually, we're hoping for a car. CU. CAMERON He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again. HIS POV Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored, sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers. CU. CAMERON

It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder. CAMERON Shit... INT. BANK. JOYCE Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm. INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds. TELLER These bonds aren't mature. If you hold onto them another two years you'll get an additional four dollars... FERRIS I'm aware of that. TELLER You're throwing away four dollars. FERRIS No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the government. They need it. Do you know what an aircraft carrier's going for these days? INT. BANK. JOYCE She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out. INT. BANK. DOOR Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce. JOYCE Mrs. Froeling, how are you? MRS. FROELING I passed a kidney stone Tuesday. (shifts gears, to Joyce) Say, you must be very proud. Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about. MRS. FROELING (whispers) I met Madonna. She pats Joyce on the arm.

MRS. FROELING She told me everything. Keep me posted, I'll want to send a gift. She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are completely baffled. 95 EXT. BANK Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking lot. JOYCE My son's home sick today. If you wouldn't mind, on our way back to the office, I'd like to just run in and check up on him. We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car. MOTHER Of course. They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look on proudly. 96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE His secretary is dialing a number for him. SECRETARY This is the Peterson's home. She hands the phone to Rooney. SECRETARY Watch your mouth this time. Rooney glares at her. ROONEY Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's no doubt in my mind. That's what I was saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped. He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this thing now. See? The secretary nods. SECRETARY And her grandmother, too. 97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an 97 96 95

We've had a death in the family. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney quickly takes down a number. SECRETARY There's a railroad strike. In the distance we see the Sears Tower. puzzled.. 101 100 99 98
. EDENS EXPRESSWAY The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the suburbs... We hear Cameron's voice. SLOANE We can't come to the phone right now. the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil Building. CAMERON'S VOICE You have reached the Coughlin Bros.awful lot like Sloane. ROONEY Something's going on. Mortuary. Rooney stares at her like she's crazy. ROONEY What? SECRETARY My brother-in-law rides the train to work. The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk. ROONEY And I'm going to stop it! SECRETARY My brother-in-law'll appreciate it. She's not listening to him. goddamn it. DEAN'S OFFICE Rooney hangs up the phone. The Ferrari streaks past. If you need to reach us we'll be at the following number. 98 INT. ROONEY Who gives a good goddamn? 101 EXT. We are unable to come to the phone right now but if you'll leave your name and number. 99 EXT.. 100 INT. CAMERON'S HOUSE His answering machine clicks on. Rooney looks at her.

wrecked. She's flabbergasted at the proportions her brother's scan has reached. FERRIS 103
. HALLWAY Jeanie's walking down the hall. GARAGE Ferris. babe! Some day you might need a favor from Ferris Bueller! Then where'll you be?! He reaches for the can. Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits. KID Hey. Jeanie stares at him.. SCHOOL.102
INT. scratched.. PARKING GARAGE The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage. She's stopped by a KID with a Coke can. CAMERON We can't leave the car here! FERRIS Why not? CAMERON Because we can't! I want it back home where it belongs! SLOANE What could happen to it? CAMERON It could get stolen. KID Heartless wench. EXT.. CHICAGO LOOP.. JEANIE Go piss up a flagpole! KID Huh?
102
She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall. 103 EXT. KID Yo. you name it. The kid yells after her. We're collecting money to buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney. KID They run about fifty g's so it you could help out.

Another attendant jumps in the passenger side. Ferris slips him a give. CAMERON Yeah. SLOANE This is so right! Ferris nudges Cameron on. Ferris turns to Cameron. An IQ that equals his hourly wage. 240. FERRIS See what a finski can do to a person's attitude? He's going to treat it like a beautiful woman. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the exit ramp of the garage. FERRIS Great. very carefully. He smiles. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly. PARKING LOT The Attendant swaggers over to the car. no revving engine.I'll give the guy a five to watch it. sure. I want to you take extra special care of this vehicle.
. They exit the garage and head after Sloane. Whip it with a stick and piss on the hood. FERRIS You speak English? ATTENDANT Since I was three. No squealing tires. okay? He pats the Attendant on the arm. FERRIS I appreciate it. ATTENDANT Like it's a beautiful woman. Do you have to be so graphic? She heads down the street. 6'6". The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. SLOANE Oh. CAMERON What guy? CU. It's gone in the entrance and out the exit. Cameron. Goatee. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a hairnet Gold teeth. EXT. Earring. please. PARKING ATTENDANT He smiles with relish at the car.

HALLWAY Joyce listens at the door another beat. There's a figure in the bed. DOOR KNOB The wire is tied to the doorknob. HOUSE. Ferris and Cameron. JOYCE She smiles and closes the door. She gets out and heads up the house. we hear a door open and close. HER POV The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves. Downstairs. FERRIS' ROOM It's dark. CU. ROOM. HOUSE. 108 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104
Joyce's care pulls in the driveway.He's skinny. As the bedroom door closes. The snoring it simulated. It's taut. INT. the trophy lifts up off the yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's original position. HALLWAY Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. CLOSET The closet door is open. DOORKNOB Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a crack. tall. with a huge knit hat willed with dreads. 105 INT. CU. 109 INT. He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of the lot. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring. The wire from the bedroom door is strung over the top of the closet door. ROOM. 109 108 107 106 105
. She's smiles with relief and affection. We hear soft snoring. WE HEAR THE SNORING. It heads down the street away from Sloane. 107 INT. 104 EXT. She listens at the door. STAIRWAY Joyce quietly walks up the stairs. 106 INT. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet door to the door to the room itself. A trophy is attached to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. CU.

Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window. Sloane and Cameron follow suit. FERRIS (VO) This is the world's tallest building. Michigan. SLOANE What if the glass gives? FERRIS Death. Wisconsin and my personal favorite. FERRIS And look down. INT. LATER
110
HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. Ferris steps back. lean against the glass. SLOANE Oh. Sloane leans forward.. shit! HER POV The street far.. putting all his weight on his forehead. SLOANE 111
. CAMERON I don't feel good. He leans forward.110
EXT.. CAMERON (VO) Do you think the car's alright? FERRIS (VO) Illinois. reluctantly. 111 INT. A dizzying view. FERRIS Now. OBSERVATION DECK The three are leaning against the glass.. As it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows. far below. Ferris. we are provided with a view of four states. Indiana. Like this. Cameron follows. From our vantage point here on the 103 floor. SEARS TOWER. Are we gonna stay long? FERRIS Take a step back. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK Ferris.

FERRIS AND SLOANE I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS YEAH. STREET Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed stares of the business people busily going in and out of the building. 112 EXT. Ferris and Sloane head down the street. CAMERON He's looking down. He's lean. CAMERON I think I see my Dad. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. 117 116 115 114 113 112
. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. HIS POV The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the underground ramp. STREET LEVEL A middle-aged man. Cameron follows. Cameron follows glumly. BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET BACK IN THE STATES BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA 114 EXT. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery watching the proceedings. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face. CU. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE Giant old monolith. 116 INT. HORACE FRYE. clean.Cool. tough and humorless. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. 113 INT. They're singing. FERRIS AND SLOANE I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS! 115 EXT. 117 INT. is standing on the street corner. Cameron's father. SEARS TOWER LOBBY Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. CAMERON'S FATHER I think I see my car. TRADING ROOM Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities. GALLERY Ferris.

FERRIS Yes. FERRIS Would you want to get married? I mean if I wasn't an asshole. That was a lie. FERRIS Would I risk damaging a deep and wonderfully enriching relationship with my parents if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. Is he serious. FERRIS True. FERRIS Would I have introduced you as my wife if I didn't love you? SLOANE Wait a minute. FERRIS (serious) Today? Sloane stares at him. FERRIS Would I trash a day of education to be with you if I didn't love you? SLOANE Yes. SLOANE No way!
. You? SLOANE Yes. FERRIS I'm game. SLOANE Sure.SLOANE Do you love me? FERRIS Do you love me? SLOANE I asked you first. Ferris puts his arm around Sloane.

The state requires a blood test. give me a good reason why not. Cameron suddenly adds his two cents. CAMERON I'll give you two. babe. you could produce a pinhead. CAMERON I'm with you. CAMERON They're married and they hate each other. FERRIS Besides being too young and your father hating my guts and not having any place to live and feeling awkward about being the only cheerleader with a husband.FERRIS I'll do it. FERRIS So? CAMERON So. SLOANE I'm not getting married. FERRIS Why not? SLOANE What do you mean. (to Ferris) You've seen them. FERRIS Huh? CAMERON If your blood's not compatible. if you will. My mother and father. FERRIS Tomorrow? CAMERON If you get a blood test today. Ferris looks around at him. why not? Think about it. Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously. Am I right?
. CAMERON You need a blood test. you can't get married today.

He hates his wife. Are yours divorced? CAMERON They may as well be. but so what? They're old. I've tried. SLOANE Do you think they're staying together because of you? Cameron hasn't seen it that way. Everything was cool at our house. I thought so. Sure. CAMERON Just because it happens doesn't make it right. It's not something I can get comfortable with. FERRIS (to CAMERA) This is all news to me. He dropped us like a rock. That's natural. He shrugs. CAMERON It makes me puke. Seeing people treat each other like that.FERRIS You're father's a toad and your Mom's always wired out. SLOANE Do they like you? It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like him. So what? It's not like it doesn't happen ten thousand times a day... That parental love might not be a given. SLOANE (to Cameron) It was pure selfishness. SLOANE Consider this. She keeps a pretty good secret. We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over. He loves the car. Are you comfortable with it? SLOANE No. It's like the car. SLOANE My parents are divorced. I don't care how much I want
. CAMERON Yeah.my father canned me and my brother and my Mom for a twenty five year old dipso with fake tits. When I have a kid.

you're saying I should run away? FERRIS No. SLOANE Yeah. thank you. you call the shots. She's taken. too. It's out of your hands. I'm gonna think about it. It's a common trait with my age group.something. But it's a cool thing and I think. forget it. deep down. crusty old shits wish they had some. When you split from them. I'm gonna try to prevent it. (points to Sloane) Sorry. FERRIS Frightening choice of words. CAMERON So.
. CAMERON You could change. She's saying it's time for lunch. They wish they had her. FERRIS (to CAMERA) She's not lying. Adults think it's cute. I in other words. CAMERON So. SLOANE Well. SLOANE They call the shots. FERRIS This is optomism. SLOANE What? FERRIS Let's go feed Cameron. I should just sit back and watch it crumble? SLOANE You're merely an inhabitant in their universe. you know what? It ain't up to you. it's like a charming quick that infests youth. But I'm gonna try not to. CAMERON I'd rather not have my family break apart. if it's gonna screw-up the kid.

. Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. RESTAURANT A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. He cups his hands to his mouth. We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER. FERRIS BUY! And he exits. son. He yells at the top of his voice. HIS POV His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00.. Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book. 120 119
. If you have trouble finding the door. FERRIS Is there a problem? MAITRE'D You're Abe Frohman? FERRIS I'm Abe Frohman. He ignores her. The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously. 118 INT..They stand up and head out. RESTAURANT Ferris. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of three for 12:00. Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant. INT. 120 INT. MAITRE'D (chuckles) I'm sorry. MAITRE'D (to Ferris) May I help you? FERRIS Yes. RESTAURANT The maitre'd returns. ANNOUNCER Commodity prices rose sharply today in unusually heavy trading. It's noon. Cool and casual. 119 EXT.. TRADING FLOOR 118
It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout. Ferris hangs back a moment. I'm very busy right now.

CU. RESTAURANT. FERRIS You touch me and I yell "rat!" There's another phone around here. MAITRE'D I appreciate your understanding.FERRIS Are you suggesting that I'm not who I say I am? MAITRE'D Shall I call the police? CAMERON Let's go. Ferris waves him off angrily..Abe. FERRIS I'm not going anywhere. A beat and the restaurant's second line lights up and the phone rings. Go ahead. CAMERON Ferris. INT. The maitre'd is hovering over Ferris. He hands the phone to Sloane. Sloane grits her teeth.. LATER Ferris. We're gonna get busted. The maitre'd backs off. Find it. The maitre'd smiles smuggly. FERRIS Ask for Abe Frohman. FERRIS Not a chance in the world. please? SLOANE Cameron's right. Better yet. Cameron chokes.I'll call myself. RESTAURANT The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the call. Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant... let's split. (grabs the phone) . INT.. PHONE Ferris punches out a number. (to the Maitre'd) Call the police.
..

Ferris disappears behind his menu. He manipulates my parents. FRIEND Why? What's the point? JEANIE Why? Because I'm sick of the little dope. vicious) I'm gonna bust his buns. Charles. he does whatever he wants. SCHOOL We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE. Shame on you. dear friend? Cameron looks to Ferris. SLOANE Oh.FERRIS Don't grovel. Sloane is impressed. She's talking to a FRIEND. JEANIE (VO) Ferris Bueller's days are numbered. today I'm the hammer. but I had a wonderful teacher. Cameron is flushed with nerves. Just leave us to our repast and all will be forgotten. She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. JEANIE (mean. FERRIS And you thought we wouldn't have any fun. FERRIS Darling. 122 INT. (wicked pause) Well. babe. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. The straps rip off in her hand. FERRIS Cameron. 122 121
. Ferris smiles. FERRIS Thank you. 121 EXT. whenever he wants and he never gets nailed. you were wonderful. MAITRE'D Enjoy your luncheon. The maitre'd backs away.

JEANIE Who does? Her friend smiles sheepishly. He's an ignorant mule and the sooner everybody in this school comes to that realization the better off we'll all be. JEANIE See? My brother strokes you. Just forget it. Except morons. I work hard. JEANIE Rachel's a dirt bag. I get pissed off and this is what happens! Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor. He's not nice.FRIEND I think he's cute. He's not charming. does everything but verbally confirm. I study hard. I'm considerate. I'm polite. decent person should be and you know what? FRIEND Everybody thinks you're an asshole. I try to be everything a good. JEANIE Sweetie. Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue. She displays the velcro straps to her friend. wags her head. He's not a wonderful person. Ferris is not cute. JEANIE Let me tell you something. you sympathize with him. JEANIE Forget that everybody thinks I'm an
. JEANIE Excuse me? FRIEND I don't think you're an asshole. Who else? FRIEND I don't know. JEANIE Rachel? Jeanie's friend shrugs. I'm friendly and fair to all kinds of people. it's an established fact that you have no taste.

. JEANIE I this a conspiracy to shit all over me or something? Is my brother behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll sock your tits. likes me. I have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING ITSELF OF OLD EGGS. Mr. Rooney likes you. FRIEND Take a walk. That's exciting. FRIEND You really do have a problem. Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief. JEANIE Oh. Jeanie. hey. Jeanie.asshole? Would you like everybody to think you're an asshole? FRIEND Not everybody thinks you're an asshole.. JEANIE Alright. JEANIE Am I acting like an asshole? FRIEND I didn't mean it that way. A fat fifty year old clod with B.O. Her friend exits. JEANIE Me? I have a problem? FRIEND Somebody who threatens to sock people's tits has a problem. How about if I sock your face? Jeanie's friend gets up. GODDAMN IT!
. JEANIE Would everybody be happier if maybe I were to die in a flaming car accident or something? FRIEND Maybe if you didn't cat like and asshole. JEANIE (yells after her) If it means anything to you.

He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal. you couldn't pry his buns apart with a crowbar. It used to worry me. He's over. That's why he's sick all the time. A toilet flushes.She snarls and slumps against the lockers. FERRIS She's a person who views life as an ordeal that must be endured. It really upsets him. FERRIS Cameron's home life is really shit. CHEZ PAUL Ferris is standing at the urinal. Even when I'm there. I highly recommend picking one up. (continues) I used to think that my family was the only one that had weirdness in it. He checks his hair in the mirror. His parents fight all the time. He wasn't lying. MEN'S ROOM. FERRIS When they go after each other. What he said about his parents hating each other? I refuse to sleep over at his house. Cameron tightens up. Then I met Cameron and I saw how his family functioned. It teaches him to deal with his fear. JEANIE He's gone. Is there anything worse than being at somebody's house when their parents are fighting? It's the absolute height of social discomfort. Plus. He's monkey meat. Basically. I love driving it. He crosses to 123
. It's scary. FERRIS I wonder if everybody shoots at cigarette butts in urinals? Probably not many women. The thing with taking his old man's car? It's good for him. and I must be honest here. He looks down at the urinal. the family's pretty cool. Her body is a transport vehicle for her anger. He gets so wadded-up. We hold a beat. 123 INT. He exists the men's room. I don't know where she gets this shit. Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall.

CAMERON What is it? SLOANE I don't know. I don't speak French. They chew tentatively. But it looks like it's already been eaten and digested. FERRIS Splendid. Ferris stops him. Cameron and Sloane try theirs. RESTAURANT Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. FERRIS I think it's a land-based beefoid creature. Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat. 124
. FERRIS Good? Sloane and Cameron shrug. CAMERON Really? FERRIS Superb.the sink. He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate. FERRIS Yo. A WAITER passes. He savors the taste. 124 INT. FERRIS What are you doing? Cameron looks at Ferris. CAMERON I knew it was a mistake letting Ferris order for us. They're staring at the plates. It's not bad. He takes a bite. Clouseau! The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly. CAMERON What is this shit? FERRIS You got me.

holds it a beat and gives a cue. talking. FERRIS As in the gland that has important functions in digestion and metabolism? CU. A 125
.That secretes a thick. He looks to Cameron and Sloane. FERRIS . WAITER Sweetbreads.FERRIS I have a growth on my brain that causes memory lapses. huh.. FERRIS Check. He raises a finger. CU. FERRIS He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter. CU. Could you tell me what we ordered here? The waiter glances at the plates. CU. WAITER He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food. RESTAURANT Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb. SLOANE AND CAMERON They look at each other. CU. FERRIS He continues his questioning. They're holding their sweetbreads in their mouths. please! 125 EXT. knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal. WAITER He nods broadly. SLOANE AND CAMERON They stop chewing. FERRIS He pats his mouth with his napkin. colorless fluid containing digestive enzymes? The home of the world famous isles of Langerhans? CU.. And what might that be? WAITER Pancreas. CU. FERRIS Uh.

FERRIS No way. SLOANE. MUSEUM. CAB DOOR HANDLE A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away. 127 INT. INT. Sloane and Cameron. They approach the cab. EXT. FERRIS. Tom's back it to Ferris. FLOOR A class of kids walking along holding hands. Let's go. CAMERON They turns on cue at Tom.cab is waiting. MUSEUM. for sure. 127 126
. He turns to the cab. EXT. Behind the backs of the men. Only the meek get nabbed. The bold survive. DISPLAY CASE Baby chicks are hatching in a huge.. Ferris. holding hands looking like giant grade schoolers. OVERHEAD SHOT The main gallery is crowded with school kids. turns toward the restaurant. INT. Ferris stops cold. Cameron. 126 EXT. Sloane and Cameron come out of the restaurant. CU. Among the second graders are Ferris. FERRIS 40. CAB Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris. Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab.G. INT. STREET. CAMERON We're gonna get nabbed. MUSIC COMES UP. Sloane. CAB Ferris slams the door. MUSEUM.000 restaurants in the downtown area and I pick the one my father goes to. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY The grand old Chicago museum. round incubator.G. The Ferris hops the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly. Cameron dashes in. The door's open. now in the B. RESTAURANT Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes off. In the B.

COAL MINE Sloane. we're traveling down one of American's most scenic polluted waterways and you have to bring up nuclear war? SLOANE (VO) 128
. LONG. HIGH SHOT From the Merchandise Mart. MUSEUM. The ninth month. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray. CU. green swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon.Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process. CAMERON Sloane wants to cry. Ferris and Sloane are making out. CU. we've won our freedom. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE The famous stages of life display which features bottled fetuses. it's a beautiful day. SLOANE (remorsefully) I wonder if he has a name? FERRIS (blank) Ninth Month. SLOANE. Ferris staggers out of it. Cameron's stomach is in his throat. A tiny human being in a jar. MUSEUM. walk-thru replica of a human heart. GERMAN U-BOAT Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. Ferris is lost in thought. 128 EXT. The MUSIC ENDS. INT. INT. clutching his heart. FERRIS. INT. CU. He checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button and pulls a lever. feigning a massive heart attack. CAMERON (VO) Are you guys worried about nuclear war? FERRIS (VO) Cameron. INT. Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the coal mine replica. CHICAGO RIVER. MUSEUM. looking down the fetid. the screw turns. HEART REPLICA A giant. PROPELLER For the first time in forty years.

very relaxed. SLOANE (VO) Don't you think it's an issue because people need something to worry about? They have to like. SLOANE (VO) To answer your question..No. have some major problem that puts all their little bullshit into some kind of persepective? CAMERON (VO) Maybe. It's with us every day. CAMERON (VO) Regardless.. We do know. you know. I'm not worried about it at all. Discussing the end of the world.It is kind of raggy subject. however. FERRIS He's full of shit.
. Everybody's dead. Their feet are up on the railing. it's real cold and the skiing's for shit. BOAT DOCK The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat. The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME. SLOANE (VO) Yeah. SLOANE My step-father's always going off about how when he was young he was committed to all these causes. Cam. CAMERON (VO) (dramatic. FERRIS They used to have Viet Nam. Very casual. deadly serious) Do you know what a nuclear winter is? Long beat. All the old hippies are full of shit. EXT. that college starts in the fall. The possiblity of global destruction. That's over and people have to have their big issue. It's not like somebody came up with the nuclear holocaust yesterday at noon. They used to have the oil crisis stuff and Iran. FERRIS (VO) We don't know when the bombs going off.

SLOANE Agreed. LOUDSPEAKER TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST BUILDING. An obtuse thought flashes through Sloane's brain. CAMERON I feel better now. CAMERON The Sears Tower. SLOANE. CAMERON You know.. this is all very interesting but I'm starving.SLOANE He says I don't care about things like he did. It's chilling to see people crazed with the minutia of their past. FERRIS I rest my case. FERRIS. LOUDSPEAKER. The three look to the left. FERRIS One of the most frightening experiences of my young life has been observing my parents and our neighbors playing the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits.. FERRIS Lean over and grab a fish. CAMERON It's human nature to like what you had better than what you have. A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest. fatty meats and money. Cameron looks over the side of the boat. They took over when they were young and they never gave it up. FERRIS What's he care about now? SLOANE Baldness. CAMERON What's spooky is they still control everything. FERRIS An hour ago you wanted to yack.
.

130 INT.... HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself. In his mind he is Dirty Harry. JEANIE It's reprehensible to squeal on your own flesh and blood. Rooney peels off his shades and looks around like he's Dirty Harry. STREET. The secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile. He left the grounds on personal business.and it'll continue to piss me off and I'll get so wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer and he'll ruin my life. SECRETARY Hello. Jeanie. 131 INT. JEANIE Is Dean Rooney in? SECRETARY I'm sorry. Can I help you? JEANIE (condescending) I seriously doubt it. Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his bile-green LeBaron.but it's for his own good. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement.. 132 EXT.. CURB 132 131 130 129
A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Jeanie walks in.. 129 EXT. he's out. She slips into the Dean's outer office. Slide across to the sidewalk.SLOANE What comes after a nuclear winter? FERRIS Nuclear spring. CU. Who's bothering you now? Jeanie scowls at her. SCHOOL Meanwhile. CU. FIRE HYDRANT
. Screw him. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. When's he back? SECRETARY I don't know. His cavalier attitude will get him into trouble later in life.

He smiles and cuts into the crowd. It's loud and confusing. CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD MOVE IN on the player. GIRL Holding the straw in the mouth. CU. ROONEY He squints CU. GIRL 133
. GIRL She stares at him. He stares at the girl. The player turns around. Rooney pushes his way in and scopes the crowd. She picks up her Coke. pointing it directly in Rooney's face. she draws it out of the cup. CU. CU. She raises it. CU. ROONEY He suspects it's Ferris. 133 INT. secretaries. He can't think of anything to say. He ties his lace and pulls up his sock. The player looks up. CU. ROONEY He's still staring. She puts the straw to her lips and sucks. EXT. ROONEY The blood evacuates his face.Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. STREET Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy hot dog joint. It look sort of like Ferris. suburban businessmen. It's a GIRL. HIS POV A young person is playing a video game in a far corner. CU. HOT DOG STAND It's jammed with construction workers. ROONEY (OC) Your ass is mine. ROONEY (OC) I've been waiting a long time for this.

HOT DOG STAND. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS Ferris sits down with the baseball. NAPKIN HOLDER A hand yanks a napkin hold. SLOANE No wonder you're always sick. INT. Ferris leans back. Rooney glances at the screen. SERVICE COUNTER Rooney wipes his face. ROONEY Who's winning? HOT DOG MAN Cubs. Rooney wads up the napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. SLOANE Can we leave now? FERRIS You want to leave? We just got here. It's Ferris. you broke your thumb. There's a long foul ball. what's left to do? Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. The TV camera follows the ball into the stands. She looks at them with disgust. The TV camera returns to the game. ROONEY What's the score? HOT DOG MAN Zero to zero.She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face. He shakes his stinging paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. The TV camera zooms in on the boy triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. Behind him is the kitchen and a grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game. CU. Cameron's scarfing nachos. He does a little celebration dance. A kid makes a stab at the ball. SLOANE You got a call. puts his hands behind his head and turns his face to the bright sun. 134 EXT. FERRIS I think I broke my thumb. Rooney nods and exits. 134
. Rooney wipes his suit off.

A blue Fiat pulls into the shot.FERRIS Do you realize that if I played by the rules. FLOAT Riding atop on a float is Ferris. CAMERON Stop. Figure skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines on pavement. STATE STREET 137 136 135
A parade is underway. JEANIE I can't believe my brother's making me put myself in a position where I could get expelled.. SLOANE AND CAMERON They're watching Ferris go by. SLOANE Do you believe in reincarnation? CAMERON Huh?
. I'm gonna get you. soldiers. PLAYING FIELD A boy's gym class is doing laps. Marching bands. He's leading the girls in singing.. Cameron mumbles a few words. She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot. buddy.. She sneaks a glance at the school. school kids. right now I'd be in gym? 135 EXT. Selfish little moron. FIAT Jeanie's at the wheel. 136 INT. SLOANE I love him.. 137 EXT.. "DANKE SHOEN". HIGH SCHOOL. They wave to him.water. Floats and politicians. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY. He's waving to the crowd.want. As worried as he is about the day and getting caught. EXT. STATE STREET.. STATE STREET. CAMERON It's hard not to. Cameron breaks a smile. drum and bugle corps. he has to admire Ferris for his lack of inhabitions. He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens. (pause) Ferris? You're overshadowed me long enough. EXT.

CAMERON What were you in a previous life? SLOANE I'm not sure but I think I know who Ferris was. EXT. Cameron nods. Sloane looks at him with amazement. shaking hands with people in the crowd. CAMERON Hannibal. FERRIS Guten tag. Sloane laughs at herself. The guy who rode the elephants into Switzerland.SLOANE Do you believe that you lived before? CAMERON Yeah. reaching down from the float. SLOANE DO you ever wonder what you were? CAMERON I don't have to wonder. the guy who went around the world. he was Magellan. SLOANE From the A-Team? CAMERON No. STATE STREET Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation. CAMERON I was a tractor tire. dude! EXT. STATE STREET. Sort of.
. They step out of the crowd and head down the street in the direction the parade's heading. You know. SLOANE I think if he was anybody. FLOAT Ferris is on his knees. SLOANE I could see him ignoring popular belief and taking off on some impossible mission. I know.

There's nothing he can't handle. CAMERON Yeah.CAMERON Yeah. NOW! GIRLS SHAKE IT UP. isn't it? Cameron doesn't understand what she means. everything works for him. I can't handle anything. FLOAT Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. BABY. but it's an option. STREET. but to do what?
. CAMERON I don't know what I'm gonna do. SHAKE IT UP. STATE STREET. The girls on the float are singing. As long as I've known him. parents. COME ON. No options is worse. SLOANE College. BABY FERRIS TWIST AND SHOUT! GIRLS TWIST AND SHOUT! FERRIS COME ON. SLOANE A girl can always bail out and have a baby and get some guy to support her. School. EXT. Ferris can do anything. CAMERON That's a pretty grim thought. COME ON. SLOANE The future's worse for a boy. FERRIS WELL. the future. BABY ON! COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT! GIRLS WORK IT ON OUT! EXT. SLOANE True. SLOANE AND CAMERON They continue their conversation.

STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along. POLICE OFFICER YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. NEWSPAPER SELLER TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. EXT. STATE STREET. The sons is taking over all the other tunes in the band. SLOANE Me either. STREET. TEENAGER COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER! EXT. PUNKS LOOK SO GOOD! EXT. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER He singing along. STREET. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT" GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. CHOIR GROUP
. MARCHING BAND They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT. They walk on for a few beats. WOMAN YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE! TODDLERS LOOK SO FINE! EXT. It's infecting the entire parade. CAMERON What do you think Ferris is gonna do? EXT. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER He's singing. STREET. PUNKS A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk. STREET.SLOANE What are you interested in? CAMERON Nothing. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.

He looks at the house. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE. Ferris. HOUSE. HOUSE. CU. PARKING ATTENDANT His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Broad. COMPUTER It acknowledges the doorbell. CU. SLO-MO. FERRIS' ROOM. excited smiles. Big smile. FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. KIDS They're looking up in the air. 141 INT. EXT. SLO-MO. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney behind the wheel of his car. FERRIS' HOUSE Rooney gets out of his car. CASSETTE PLAYER It clicks on. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. 139 CU. FERRIS Who is it? Rooney presses the intercom. The doorbell rings. SLO-MO. EXT. ROONEY This is Ed Rooney. SLO-MO. 142 EXT. I could take a nasty spill down the 142 141 140 139
. 140 INT. CU. CAR GRILLE It fills the frame and stops. following the car as it flies over them. We see him peek in a window at the top of the door. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. The car's shadow passes over them. looks up and down the street. FRONT PORCH The house intercom activates. RASTAMAN His eyes are closed. tongue out. STREETS. Maniac at the wheel. HOUSE. FOYER Rooney's at the front door. Mouth open. then crosses to Ferris' house.CU. I'd like to have a word with you.

ROONEY I'm not leaving until you come down and talk to me. HOUSE. Come down here. ROONEY B.. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside. I'm very ill and I'm afraid that in my weakened condition. FERRIS' VOICE You can reach my parents at their places of business. There's no response. ROONEY Don't get smart with me Ferris! FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry I can't come to the door right now. The pre-recorded litany starts over. LIVING ROOM Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows.stairs and subject myself to further school absenses. It will be remembered long after this illness has past. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. Rooney presses the intercom again. 144 INT. He can't quite figure out what's going on. 143 INT. ROONEY I'm not leaving.S. There's a pause. FERRIS' VOICE You may reach my parents at their places of business. KITCHEN Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window. Ferris. HOUSE. But's it's highly suspicious. Rooney presses the intercom again. 144 143
.. Rooney rings the doorbell again. Rooney leans back from the door. Thank you for stopping by. His voice clicks off. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. Rooney presses the intercom.

SLOANE Ferris. Rooney is crouched down. Through the kitchen. I'm talking about 146 145
. CAMERON How does she do that? One goes one way. DOGGIE DOOR A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of gnashing teeth and foam. FERRIS You don't think it's amazing that we got in? SLOANE Who wants to get in? FERRIS Cameron looks like a toddler. one goes the other. this is nauseating me. Really. He hears the dog. His face freezes.. BACKDOOR A black rubber doggie door. CU. 146 CU. FERRIS Have a nice day. FERRIS AND SLOANE They're sitting in a booth in the garish.FERRIS' VOICE I appreciate your conern for my well-being. 145 EXT. EXT. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. It will be remembered long after. nearly deserted strip joint. ROONEY He's peaking through the door.. The type that allows a dog to come and go as it pleases. into the dining room. He lifts the doggie door and peeks in the house. HOUSE. Sloane is embarrassed and revolted. HOUSE. HIS POV Along the kitchen floor. LARGE BREASTS Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers. CU. FERRIS She's probably schizophrenic. CAMERON. I'm losing respect for you by the bucket. for Christ's sake.

FERRIS Honey. Ferris stands up from the booth.. FERRIS Maybe her life fell apart. He climbs up on the little runway. I've never known.. The club lights go down. I feel it. You seemed to change. we worry about lonliness. You may think because I'm the age I am that I'm a sex maniac. A lover. with you as my sweetheart.a major achievement in false identification. Maybe she lost somebody. SLOANE I'm not a tramp. do-wop track FADES UP. curls his lip and affects an Elvis impression. And we feel it. And SAT scores and acne aside. A sappy. SLOANE I'm not interested in watching someone jiggle their mammary glands. someone said the world's a stage and each must play a part. You acted strange. But I'd rather go on hearing your lies than to go on living without you. A child. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. He strolls slowly through the empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of blue light. I'm a romantic. Why she does it and you don't. The stripper disappears in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight. That sex is all I think about. We think about love and matters of the heart. FERRIS Point well taken. Then came act two. You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue. But that's not true. you lies when you said you loved me and I had no cause to doubt you. And why. I loved you at first glance. It's a terrible thing. Fate had me playing in love. But consider why she does it. Act one was when we met. A parent. the stage is bare and I'm standing there with emptiness all around and if you won't
. FERRIS You know. He flips his collar up. I think alot of people my age are. A boyfriend. Now. (to CAMERA) This kind of thing makes me a little depressed.

He's studying it. CAMERON'S FATHER No. dramatic florish that was the King's trademark ballad sign-off. It leans into the open car and see if the contents will confirm looks up slowly. HER POV Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black letters -.. MICHIGAN AVENUE Afternoon traffic. DOWNTOWN STREET. Ferris lip synchs with the big. 149 EXT. He reaches for the glovebox to if it's his. JEANIE I'm gonna microwave his nuts. CAMERON'S FATHER He shakes his head.come back to me. The orignal recording. JEANIE Jeanie's standing at her car. FERRIS' TOWN. no. JEANIE She's furious. TAXI CAB 150 149 148 147
at the car. He freezes. CU.. He HIS POV The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. Elvis fades up. She's staring incredulously into the distance. ATTENDANT You looking for something in my car? CU. 150 INT. 148 EXT. CAMERON'S CAR Cameron's father is looking looks terribly familiar.. ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT? Ferris drops his head. 147 EXT. ELVIS IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN? SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN? TELL ME DEAR.. then they can bring the curtain down. Her mouth's open. They're holding bags of fried chicken.
.SAVE FERRIS BUELLER. She's shaking her head slowly. Like the King would.

I have to get the car home. a giant heart. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER. how long have you been in America? DRIVER One year. FERRIS You saw four states. Sloane's in the middle. FERRIS Better than Russia? DRIVER Much better here than in Russia. Cameron's been a good sport.. Ferris. Ferris. Yuri. FERRIS So.. FERRIS Cameron. a submarine. FERRIS What's your overall impression? DRIVER It's very good here. FERRIS You think I don't care? CAMERON I know you don't care. I know you don't care. Ferris is on one window. Cameron on the other. FERRIS That hurts.Ferris. FERRIS Clearly you've never been to an American high school. He puts his arm around Sloane. SLOANE Jump back. Ferris sits back. but it means my ass. seventy five dollars
. Cameron. FERRIS So. Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker. He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city license. CAMERON It's getting late. what'd you see today? Cameron looks at him.

He pauses. She turns and glances out the window. Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. In that cab is Tom. major league baseball and. Turns back to CAMERA. CAB. Ferris realizes he's looking at something out the window. He turns and looks right into CAMERA. Thinks. (quizical look) Are you gonna chuck your nachos? Cameron's staring past Ferris. TOM'S POV Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. looking bored. Looks up. On their asses. TOM'S POV Ferris' frozen face. two of the most incredible breasts ever to come out of modern plastics. FERRIS' POV Tom glances back at his paper. He freezes. their cab is squeezed tight alongside another cab. HIS POV In the gridlock traffic. SLOANE Roast! She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. He's frozen. FLOOR. He turns. She makes a
.. with their backs to the back of the front seat. FERRIS (to Sloane) What's he doing? SLOANE (revolted) He's looking at me and he's licking the glass and making obscene gestures with his hands. He's baffled.worth of cooked pancreas. He looks away. She's wearing sunglasses. FERRIS What?! Sloane bursts out laughing. INT. feet up on the seat. HER POV Tom stares at her.. He's about a foot from Ferris. Fakes a yawn.

He turns and slowly raises his newspaper over his face. CITY STREET Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. TOM He can't quite figure out what's going on.sizzling sound. We see on the back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH. 154 EXT.tits. you worthless mutt! HIS POV The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA. 153 EXT. EXT. mumbling again. ROONEY That's a $28.00 dress shoe. ROONEY He's standing outside the fence. Cameron's a few steps behind. DOG The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. HOUSE. He greets Rooney cheerily. She's jogging to keep up. A DELIVERY MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. FRONT A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. CAMERON Money. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container Building. He's hustling through the crowd. INT. BACKYARD. BACKYARD. 154 153 152 151
. The delivery man hops up on the steps. She collapes on the seat in hysterics. Tearing it apart. CU. He's looking in at the dog. He's missing a shoe.. Cameron follows. He keeps bumping into people. He has Sloane by the hand. Rooney looks up at him.. TOM'S CAB Tom's looking into Ferris' cab. HOUSE.... He heads up to the house. HIS POV Sloane's bouncing up and down. PORCH Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his handkerchief. His hair's messed and there're grass-stains on his knees and elbows..please. 152 EXT. His suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit coat pocket is torn off. 151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE.

FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry but I can't come to the door right now. FERRIS' VOICE Who is it? The Deliver Man presses the intercom.that in my weakened condition.. (pause) You can reach my parents at their places of business. Thank you for stopping by. Rooney is flabbergasted. DELIVERY MAN What's your problem? ROONEY He's one of my students. DELIVERY MAN
. DELIVERY MAN Little bugger's dying. (continues) I don't know the details. I could take a nasty spill and subject myself to further school absenses. DELIVERY MAN (to the intercom) Thank you.... ROONEY It's a recording. I'm very ill and I'm afraid. I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing.. FERRIS' VOICE Have a nice day. A beat and we hear Ferris' recording.
DELIVERY MAN As I heard it from our mailman he was supposedly born with only half a kidney. DELIVERY MAN Focus on Flowers.. ROONEY What? FERRIS' VOICE . It will be remembered long after this illness has passed. He's very popular. But my boss had to send to Milwaukee to get more orchids. asshole.DELIVERY MAN Howdy! He presses the doorbell. I have a delivery. DELIVERY MAN Nobody's home here? ROONEY No.

156 INT.You gonna be around for awhile? ROONEY I imagine so. Then he looks at the Delivery Man. ROONEY (defeated) Oh.J. CU. His name is Ferris Mueller..J. DELIVERY MAN (happy sigh) It really touches me that so many people are rallying behind this guy. Christ. FERRIS He put his headphones on. CARD It's signed: ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY THE ENGLISH DEPT. D... We hear her car radio. Rooney looks incredulously at the arrangement. He hands the arrangement to Rooney. FACULTY AND STAFF 155 INT. He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. DELIVERY MAN You wanna keep an eye on these? Rooney looks at the flowers. FERRIS' HOUSE Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. FERRIS 157 156 155
. DELIVERY MAN Gotta run. is sitting behind his microphone. I guess there's hope for the human race afterall.J. RADIO STATION STUDIO The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.. He opens the attached card. 157 EXT. (pause) I have a guest with me today. D. I don't know who that was or what they were playing but I apologize for it nonetheless. STUDIO.

158 INT.I'm the first Chicago area youth 159 158
. I have what I consider to be an excellent broadcast voice.J. INT. D. it challenges the imagination. her head cocks. 159 INT. He has an incredible story. CAR ANTENNA The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in the air. (pause) You know this. STUDIO Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone. Her eyes blink. D.... It's going to by very thick and very steamy. you and your listeners are probably not going to believe this but. Ferris Bueller. Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.. (clears his voice. FERRIS I'm going to tell a massive lie here.000 watt outlet. I'm going out to several million people so let me just say. I'm in a very pleasant groove right now. affects a "radio" voice) Well. radio. it's always been a dream of mine to be on the radio. speaks into the mike. I used to play records and do introductions to them. Anyway. I practise it in the bathroom all the time. But I've never had the chance to sit behind a microphone and try it out for real. Unlike television which provides the images.. CAR. I think radio's a facinating medium.. FERRIS' VOICE .Bueller. Sorry about that. FERRIS It's cool. JEANIE She goes into shock. Steve.J. CU. Ferris turns to CAMERA. This is a 50. SCHOOL A group of kids are sitting around a blaster.

Heller looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny out of my nose or something and I realized what the hell I was doing and I went to put it out and hit the mail box. STUDIO Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA. because I'm not allowed to smoke at home. How did you get picked for this. It was weird. I'm so used to getting in a car and lighting up. remember? He turns back to the DJ. that I got in the driver's ed. Heller's home number but is cost too much. 162 EXT. The broken pieces are all around the dog's head. car and spaced completely. I took it again and passed. They're cheering him on. 160 INT. EXT. But I had to work at Burger King to get the cash to pay for the driver's ed. like I was told. FERRIS HOUSE. After I got flunked in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail box. shape or from my fault. SCHOOL. Anyway. But I can't prove it? I'm in high school. FERRIS It's kind of a long story but I've been doing alot of programming for NASA. which was not in any way. lit up a 'boro and Mrs. D. FERRIS' HOUSE. FERRIS I was going to say I knew Springsteen's home phone number and I was going to give out the number of the New Jersey State Police but I thought I might get busted. ROONEY
. 161 INT. car. BACKYARD 162 161 160
The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn.to be selected to participate in a space shuttle mission. pulled out of the lot. The flower arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog.J. I was so pissed off at her reaction to the whole thing that I considered running an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna use Mrs. HALLWAY A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster. The car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and I think Rooney pocketed the cash. BACKYARD. I was putting out a cigarette.

164 EXT. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. 167 166 165 164 163
.He's smiling with great satisfaction. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs. CU. ROONEY Sleep tight. HIS POV A glimpse of a fleeting figure. He's back and she's going to nail him. 166 INT. He drops down and peek in the windows. 167 INT. The front door's open. She's startled by a noise downstairs. JEANIE The worm has luck like clams have body odor. HOUSE. Bueller there? Where is she? This is her daughter. pooch. He looks around the foyer and heads into the kitchen.. HOUSE. 165 INT. FRONT Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. JEANIE Is Mrs. FOYER Rooney sneaks into the house. HOUSE. Do you know where she is? Do you know when she'll be back? Do you know anything? She slams the phone down. 163 INT. She stomps in and turns off the snoring synthesizer.. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers and the pillows beneath them in the air. She dials a number. JEANIE I knew it! She grabs the phone and sits down. ROONEY His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge. He slinks up on the porch. HOUSE. His head snaps around. A smile spreads across her face. He hears something in the house. He peeks in.

168
INT. She flees back up the stairs. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an intruder. JOYCE If you're willing to commit a little time and a little money to this place. CAR Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear. Jeanie squeals in horror. FERRIS' VOICE My input on the Star Wars defense plan was pretty substantial so I guess this is their way of rewarding me. KITCHEN Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den. CAR Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the car. He hits the deck. D.
170
171
INT. VOICE Can you stay around and take a few phone calls? FERRIS' VOICE I'd really like to but I have a kidney operation in about an hour. I'm pretty flattered. HOUSE.
168
169
INT.
171
172
INT. you can really have something to be proud of. FOYER Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen. 173 INT.J. INT. HOUSE. back into the kitchen. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in the face. EXT. CAR Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house.
169
170
INT. KITCHEN
172
Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. EXT. He crosses back toward the foyer. KITCHEN Rooney comes out of the den. CAR Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to the radio. HOUSE. 173
. FOYER Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer.

D. Joyce gets in. Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name. VOICE A very interesting guy. Ferris Bueller. Boyd. I think you'd like him. The clients get in the other side. FERRIS' VOICE Thanks.Don't let the black living room throw you off. BOYD Is he going up in the space shuttle in September? Joyce looks around at Boyd. JOYCE His name is Ferris. JOYCE Not that I know of. JOYCE (to the kid) Well. CAR The door opens. Steve. BOYD How do you watch your mouth? JOYCE Do you know my son?
.J. A song starts. MOTHER Watch your mouth. JOYCE Did I tell you I have a son your age? BOYD Twice. how are you bearing up? The kid stares at her.J. D. BOYD I knew he was bullshitting. She opens the car door. She gives him a curious look. INT. VOICE I wish you the best of luck.

JEANIE This is not a phoeny phone call. JEANIE It's real nice that you hope my brother's feeling better but I'm in danger. The intercom goes on. We HEAR TIRES 177 176 175 174
. JEANIE'S VOICE I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun. certainly weird. Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car. And a scorching case of herpes. you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. I'd like you to know that I have just called the police. If you have any brains whatsoever. JEANIE'S VOICE Excuse me. KITCHEN Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. It's parked in front of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with parking citations.FATHER Don't pay any attention to him. STREET Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. FERRIS' ROOM Jeanie's on the phone. 177 EXT. male caucasian. PARKING LOT The three are waiting for the Ferrari. In the distance SIRENS WAIL. (pause) My name is Bueller. I need help! 175 INT. Rooney stiffens with fear. She's in a panic. There's another pause. If whoever's in the house is still in the house. He thinks it's cute to bait adults. 174 INT. I'd rather not have it violated or killed. possibly armed. 176 EXT. I think it's fun. BOYD I don't think it's cute. in our kitchen. okay? I'm very cute. Jeanie's face drops. I'm very alone and I'm very protective of my body. There's an intruder.

FERRIS Just out of curiosity. what was your top speed coming down the ramp? BLACK GUY (matter-of-fact) About 60. SLOANE What's next. We return the car. FERRIS We have enough cash left for a quick flight to Peoria and back. FERRARI Sloane's in the passenger seat. CAMERON Very funny. Then the Ferrari pulls down the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. 178 EXT. then to the road. Ferris is driving and Cameron is crammed in the back. DOWNTOWN STREET The Ferrari cruises through traffic. CAMERON Nothing. INT. A BLACK GUY jumps out. FERRIS Stunning! He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the passenger seat forward for Cameron. FERRIS Cameron? How many miles did you say this thing had when we left? CAMERON 178
. Keep that in mind. And back to the speedometer. He glances down at the speedometer. FERRIS This is probably the last time you'll have to ride back here. Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in. AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Ferris hands him the parking stub. SLOANE We could go to my house. My parents aren't coming home until late.SQUEALING.

SLOANE You okay? CU. EXT. EXPRESSWAY The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic. It's okay. FERRIS He looks at Sloane. We HEAR A THUNDERING. FERRIS (to CAMERA) Here's where Cameron goes berserk. CU. He starts to breathe heavily.
. Cameron. CAMERON He's still holding the stare. FERRARI Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. TRAFFIC The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. SLOANE She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms. FERRIS He shoots Sloane a look. CAMERON His eyes are frozen in a mindless. We'll fix it. EXT. CU.7. SLOANE Cameron! Cut it out! What's wrong?! Ferris! CU. Her gesture is one of genuine support. He's concerned. vacant stare. SPEEDOMETER The odometer reads 432. He's trembling.One hundred and twenty six and halfway between three and four tenths. INT. FERRIS Hey. CU. CU. Why? How many miles are on it now? He glances down at the speedometer. MUFFLED SCREAM.

FERRIS' HOUSE.FERRIS Cameron.. thank you. really. He knows what he's doing.. But it's a problem for him! So. FOYER The doorbell rings. VOICE Anybody home? FERRIS' VOICE I'm sorry that I can't come to the door right now. It's completely fixable. HOUSE. Your old man won't know a thing..you. Her jaw goes slack. thank you! She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door. The Ferris' tape is activated. HER POV 180 179
. Cameron? CU. JEANIE Thank.. are you okay? It's no problem. SLOANE What can I do. She blinks her eyes. FERRIS VOICE Who is it? We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom. SLOANE Shut-up! It is a problem! For him it's a problem. FERRIS Eyes front. JEANIE I'm saved! Thank you. just shut-up.. 180 EXT. INT. FRONT DOOR The door swings open.. She whips it open. God! Thank you. 179 INT. FERRARI Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris. Nothing's a problem for you. She turns back to Cameron. The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs.

CU. 182 181
. 181 EXT. BUS The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. A top forty montage. The bus doors open. Rooney! What're you doing? Rooney doesn't respond. The door slams shut. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps up on the porch. Mr. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET Rooney's walking down the street.. CU. 182 INT.The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the door with floral arrangements. GIRL I'll bet you never smelled a real school bus before. CU. ANOTHER KID Did you get in a fight? Rooney keep walking. GIRL She holds her smile. The passengers are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and take an empty seat next to a skinny. She pushes her Coke bottle glasses up on her nose. DRIVER You want a lift? Rooney takes a few more steps. From inside we hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON BLASTERS. The bus stops. A school bus is crawling alongside him as kids hang out the windows. NURSE (sings) WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT WE. He climbs aboard the bus. GIRL She looks at Rooney and smiles. KID Hey. ROONEY He looks vacantly at her. He stops. The DRIVER calls out to him. myopic GIRL. Spread all around them are more flowers. Rooney takes a deep breath..

BOY He leans forward. ROONEY He stares at her. ROONEY He stares at her. I think Cameron might have blown a micro-chip or two. They're real soft and warm. CU. BUS It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet street. GIRL They've been in pocket. GIRL She puts one in her mouth. ROONEY He turns him eyes to the front. GIRL She holds up a candy package. CU. The bus jerks forward and pulls away. FRESHMAN BOY It's kind of like being in the belly of the beast isn't it? CU. All I wanted to do
. CU. ROONEY He looks across to the kid. He's always been a little keyed-up. BOY A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring at him. Ferris WALKS INTO THE FOREGROUND. 183 EXT. He addresses CAMERA. 184 EXT.CU. CU. The BLASTERS go back on. the SHOUTING RESUMES. Sloane's sitting beside him on the table. She's stroking his hair. GIRL Gummi Bear? CU. PARK 184 183
Cameron's laying on a picnic table. FERRIS This may very well be for real. CU.

We're gonna graduate in a couple of months. FERRIS Sloane's a bigger problem. She won't respect him because you can't respect someone who kisses your ass. CAMERON His eyes are closed. How do I deal with that? I was serious when I said I'd marry her. CU. personally. And she's gonna treat him like shit because he's gonna kiss her ass for giving him what he's built-up in his mind as the end-all. As much as we like each other. This isn't just teenage infatuation. I'll take infatuation. He starts back to the picnic table. She looks away. SLOANE Ferris? CU. He'll work and I'll work.was give him a good day. Then back to CAMERA. She still has another year of high school. And basically that'll be it. What do they call what they have? If that's love. My. FERRIS I'm being tested here. And we'll see each other at night and on the weekends but then he'll go to one school and I'll go to another. It just doesn't work. That's what my parents call it. FERRIS He looks to the picnic table. FERRIS (VO) Cameron's never been in love. I wouldn't fault anybody for doing that. He's gonna marry the first girl he lays. Conventional wisdom would suggest a visit to the nearest trauma center. We follow him. FERRIS My best friend has flipped-out. He begins to walk. Then we have the summer. I would. CU. SLOANE She's studying Cameron's face.
. Sloane's stroking his hair. At least no one's ever been in love with him. the process of growing up will separate us. be-all of human existance.

I think this calls for something new, something bold, something wet and wild. 185 CU. JACUZZI JET UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles. CU. BLASTER A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES UP. CU. BEER CAN LID The finger pops a beer. CU. OREO PACKAGE A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper. INT. JACUZZI Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer. Sloane's eating Oreos. FERRIS You feeling any better, Cameron? SLOANE The water's really nice. I wish you'd come in. CU. CAMERON Staring into space. CAMERON Surgery...fire...move... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers her his beer. FERRIS Cameron? Do you think this because of the car or is it a combination of everything shitty in your life? CU. CAMERON He doesn't respond. CAMERON Music...kiss...attack... CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS 185

Sloane sips the beer. FERRIS You just can't deal with anymore shit? The car took you into the red zone? Time for a reality check? SLOANE Cameron? I could flip real easy, too. There's nothing wrong with it. At one time or another, everybody goes to the zoo. FERRIS Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe he wasn't bullshitting himself. CU. CAMERON No response. CAMERON Gesundheit...God...mercy... EXT. BACKYARD Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend. CU. CAMERON He smiles. CU. SLOANE She leans forward and stares at Cameron. CU. FERRIS He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to. CU. CAMERON He keels over forward. EXT. BACKYARD Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down, face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for him. UNDERWATER Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk. CU. SLOANE She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water. UNDERWATER

BOY Then your problem is you. BOY What do you care if your brother ditches school? Jeanie stares at the boy. BOY So. BOY You know him?
. Jeanie stares at him threateningly. you're pissed at him because he ditches and doesn't get caught? JEANIE Basically. Jeanie stares angrily at him. you lose a testicle. JEANIE I'd get caught. JEANIE If you say Ferris Bueller.JEANIE I went home to confirm that the shithead was ditching school and a guy broke into the house and I called the cops and they picked me up for making a phoney phone call. Partly because he's so bold and partly because he's so right. It's just an opinion. JEANIE Excuse me? BOY Excuse you. BOY There's somebody you should talk to. The boy nods knowingly. JEANIE Why should he get to ditch school when everybody else has to go? BOY You could ditch. You oughta spend a little more time dealing with yourself and a little less time worrying about what your brother does.

what would it be? FERRIS Sloane is naked before your eyes and you're thinking about words? SLOANE God bless you. The Ferrari is jacked up. 187 CU. holding it down. SLOANE Really. FERRARI TIRE It's spinning rapidly. SLOANE Come on. INT. about the future. answer his question. meditating. FERRIS Bathroom. CAMERON I've been thinking all day that if you could only have the use of one word. Ferris. Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. it doesn't make if the present 187
FERRIS I have a agree with you there. Cameron. JEANIE'S HAND It curls into a fist. what would it be? FERRIS I can't believe you'd think up something like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi right in front of you. CAMERON If you guys only had one word. CAMERON'S GARAGE Ferris. The wheels are turning. The whole time things over.
. CAMERON Thank you. The engine's racing.CU. CY. Sloane. I I was thinking And I realized and difference goes to shit. CAMERON I was just thinking was like. ACCELERATOR A brick's resting on the accelerator.

FERRIS Hellos' generic. running it in reverse. She thinks. CU. SLOANE Love.
.. SLOANE You wanna be generic? CAMERON It's help.. Ferris and Sloane think about it. FERRIS Cash. CAMERON The miles aren't coming off. INT. Cameron smiles at his wisdom. It's a good choice. Cameron peeks in the window. CAMERON The word is help. CAMERON It's the only word you could ever use. ODOMETER Nothing's happening. Ferris looks up. Cameron gets up and walks to the Ferrari. FERRIS And what is you loathe somebody? Are you going to say "love" every time you see them? SLOANE It's better than "hello". GARAGE Cameron pulls his head out of the car. FERRIS Hello.SLOANE I'd say. CAMERON Ferris? It's not working.

TIRE The spinning tires slam down on the cement. I'm gonna do it. he's finally going to have to deal with me. against my past. my present and my future. I will not sit idly by as events that affect me unfold to change the course of my life. She applauds him. A $50. MERCEDES BUMPER Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. CAMERON He's serious and determined. FERRIS He turns to CAMERA. He walks back around behind the Ferrari. TIRES It's spinning wildly.FERRIS I thought that might be a problem. CU. CU. I will take a stand and I will defend it. CU. I'm taking a stand against my father. against myself. SLOANE She smiles proudly at Cameron. It's cool. CAMERON Seventeen years and I've never taken a stand. He has made up his mind and it appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself. Let's crack open the odometer and roll it back by hand. GARAGE Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. When my father comes home tonight. I'm taking a stand. Cameron shakes his head. CAMERON I got a better idea. A beat and it gives a mighty shove. CU. FERRIS This is a big U-2 fan. against my family. INT. Good or bad. CU.000
. It squeals out of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. Now. CU.

HOUSE The Ferrari shoots down the driveway. over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house. Then a look of bewilderment comes over his face. Cameron looks across the street. SLOANE Why? CAMERON I took a stand. He shoots a look to Ferris. You wrecked a car. GARAGE Cameron watches the car go. INT.unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway. They look at Cameron. Then he regains his confidence. INT. FERRIS Cameron? One quick question. Cameron. FERRIS No. He's strangely placcid about the impending disaster. CAMERON It's okay. A puzzled look. EXT. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered. CU. FERRIS What was that about? SLOANE This has to be a dream. He's proud and bold. CU. across the street. GARAGE Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. THEIR POV The Ferrari travels down the driveway. SLOANE AND FERRIS They're in shock. FERRIS You trashed the car.
. Cameron thinks for a moment. Why'd you do that? Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. TREE The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk.

Ferris looks across the street at the car. This is a shock to me. FERRIS I think this could work. CAMERON It's cool. I can assure you that her father and I will have a long talk with her. First. I think she'd had a good scare. He raises am impish eyebrow. I appreciate your calling me. CAMERON I'm gonna handle it. I want to deal with it by myself. OFFICER For whatever reasons she did it. JOYCE Thank you. FERRIS I have an idea. 188 INT. CAMERON No. He shakes his head. Second. 188
. The gathers her purse and jacket and stands. If I need it again. we see Jeanie and the boy making out. I'll use it. SLOANE What about your one word? CAMERON You already did it. Cameron looks at him. Outside the office. JOYCE She's never been in trouble before. I hope you son's feeling better. thanks. OFFICER Oh. I don't know why she wasn't at school. He smiles. I don't know why she'd call you with this story about a rapist. by the way. POLICE STATION. I'm loose. JOYCE I hope so. OFFICE Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Joyce looks at the officer curiously. on the bench. If you're interested.

189 INT. 190 EXT. The boy adjusts his pants to better hide his passion. His old man had it coming. Jeanie reaches down for her purse. WAITING ROOM Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce steps out of the juvenile officer's room. young lady. She's still a little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill.OFFICER Tell him. I think we can probably get it on pretty good. SLOANE You think Cameron's gonna be alright? FERRIS Sure. I'd be worried if he'd 190 189
. BOY What's your name? JEANIE Jean. What's yours? BOY Garth Volbeck. Jeanie stands up. JEANIE (to the boy) If you keep this to yourself. It was pretty cool. Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. Get your stuff. SLOANE'S BACKYARD Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence. BOY For sure. SLOANE I had a great time today. I guess. JEANIE Hi. POLICE STATION. He'll be okay. all the guys at the station here are pulling for him. JOYCE Don't "hi" me. He had to so it. FERRIS Yeah.

Sloane smiles knowingly. I know it. BEDSPREAD Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A significant amount of cash. He kisses her. hits the diving board..taken my idea. FERRIS I'll call you tonight. Sloane watches him go.33. It gives us great pleasure to assist 193
. SLOANE You didn't have an idea. 192 EXT. FERRIS No. SLOANE He's gonna marry me. She turns and runs into the house. A huge smile spreads across her face. PIECE OF PAPER We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it. BACKYARD Ferris sprints across a backyard. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192 191
Ferris vaults a fence. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the backyards. SLOANE You're so smart. He runs directly for a swimming pool. SLOANE I LOVE YOU! She backs away from the fence. does a flip and lands on the grass on the other side of the pool. CU. MUSIC FADES UP. 191 EXT. He jumps a plaster elf. SLOANE She's writing. I'm just real loose. 193 CU. He leaps.in the amount of $1. springs off.. Sloane nods. did you? FERRIS Not a glimmer.765. ". He's approaching it from the side. CU.

He reaches down and lifts the doormat. He's holding the house key. 197 EXT. FERRIS He stares up in horror. A car honks. An OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK. Tom's at the wheel. Sloane Peterson Executive Director The Ferris Bueller Foundation" 194 EXT. EXT. past a WOMAN. CU. He glances in the mirror. It's locked. TOM He realizes it couldn't be Ferris. CU. FERRIS' STREET He's running down the middle of the street. The car pulls around him. BACK PORCH Ferris tries the door. MIRROR We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house. The key's gone. Joyce pulls in from the other direction. CAR. The Woman looks up curiously. HOUSE Ferris runs through the kitchen. fixing dinner and out her backdoor. He parks and gets out. 195 INT. HIS POV Rooney's looking down at him. FERRIS' HOUSE Tom pulls in the driveway. He smiles. PORCH Ferris stands up. Ferris moves to the side. He does a take.you in performance of your worthy and much needed survives to those so desperately in need. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. 196 EXT. PORCH The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. CU. 197 196 195 194
. INT. Sincerely. HIS POV. HOUSE.

PORCH Jeanie breaks the embrace. JEANIE (to Rooney) Thank you for bringing him home. FERRIS A moment of curiosity. ROONEY I got you. He smiles. His victory is evaporating. Ferris limps into the house. EXT. She rushes Ferris and hugs him. you're alright! We've been worried sick! CU. ROONEY He's dumbfounded. JEANIE Thank God. There's no way out. Ferris is caught. Rooney. ROONEY His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. This time I finally got you. CU. She feigns joy and relief. JEANIE
.ROONEY Looking for this? FERRIS Yes. (to Ferris) You better get up in bed tight now. the backdoor opens. CU. Ferris. ROONEY How does another year of high school sit with you? Suddenly. JEANIE Can you imagine someone as sick as Ferris trying to walk home from the hospital? (shakes her head) Kids! CU. Mr. Jeanie looks out. Rooney gloats severely. Then it dawns on him what's happening.

198 INT. lost. 200 INT. but Kimberly's is.C. HOUSE The door closes on Rooney's defeated. dejected. TODD Ferris? Does my head look like it's getting bigger? Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his breath. We hear AN O. Not only has he lost Ferris again. bewildered face. 199 EXT. YARD. DOG The click of the door wakes him up. KIMBERLY (to Todd) Is he serious? TODD I think so. he has Jeanie to deal with next year. CU. Jeanie comes in. EXT. CU. FERRIS No. 200 199 198
. ROONEY He senses new danger. PORCH Jeanie steps into the house. CU. shit! Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. He looks at his little brother. KITCHEN Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching TV and eating cereal. KIMBERLY Oh. A huge smile passes over her face. He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. His head pops up off the grass.She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. Rooney squeezes his eyes shut. ROONEY A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked. Kimberly feels her head. They look up at Ferris as he comes in from outside. GROWL.

Mom! 204 INT. guys. JEANIE No problem. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers and head upstairs. JOYCE (to Todd and Kimberly) Hi. plants and gifts. FERRIS Upstairs. HOUSE. Ferris gives her a proud smile. FERRIS By the way. I've been ripping off your wallet for years. JEANIE I'm sorry I've been riding your buns for so long. FOYER The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements. KIMBERLY Is my head swelling up? 203 INT. 201 EXT. He affects a sickly voice. I'll pay you back. JEANIE You don't have to. JOYCE (OC) Ferris! Ferris continues up the stairs. FERRIS It's completely cool. Jeanie.FERRIS Thanks. 202 INT. KITCHEN Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter. SECOND FLOOR LANDING Ferris and Jeanie stop. I borrowed some cash from you. HOUSE Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen. 204 203 202 201
. JEANIE You don't have to. FERRIS I want to.

TOM (OC) Ferris? How do you feel? He pulls in his tongue to speak. Tongue out. brushes the crumbs off his hands and peels off his shirt. You're sick. Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead. FERRIS (deathly gasp) 150% better. don't make me stay home again.. thank you. BEDROOM Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern. 205 INT. TOM I know I'm right. Please. They walk over to the bed. JOYCE How did you get so sweet? 205
. Ferris walks into the room. No sooner are the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce and Tom walk in. really. There's no point pushing yourself and making it worse. FERRIS Maybe you're right.JEANIE Do you know a guy named Garth Volbeck? FERRIS Vaguely. I'm graduating in June and I. TOM Ferris. I want to go to school. FERRIS The same deathly face he had in the morning. He climbs into bed. But stay away from his brother. Dad. JEANIE Is he cool? FERRIS He's cool. JOYCE Honey? CU. Joyce sits down. FERRIS I'm much better. eyes bulging..

A great big crazy ball of pure living. CU. breathing joy and delight. He smiles. life is a carousel. He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his head. FERRIS You gotta get one. FERRIS (happy sigh) Yeah. Ferris looks at CAMERA. Tom pats Ferris on the rump. FERRIS The hideous face.FERRIS Years of practice. MUSIC UP BIG END TITLES THE END
. He and Joyce exit. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE.