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Authorities condemn figure-of-eight M25 prank

The Highways Agency has condemned pranksters who last night reconfigured the M25 in to a giant figure-of-eight, and branded their actions as ‘short-sighted, potentially dangerous and extremely silly’.

Kevin Baxter, a 42-year-old Chartered Accountant from Guildford, was one of the many motorists delayed even more than usual following the prank as he tried to get to the airport. ‘I was driving clockwise round the M25 just minutes away from Heathrow’ he explained, ‘when all of a sudden I found myself heading anti-clockwise. At first I thought the Sat-Nav was playing up, but when I unexpectedly encountered oncoming traffic crossing my carriageway, I knew something was up. In the end I didn’t get to the airport until nine hours after the scheduled departure time of my flight, but luckily I’d booked with Ryanair so I should be on my way to Dublin in a few more hours’.

The Highways Agency have warned motorists to expect ‘severe disruption’ on the M25 for at least the next fifteen years, while junctions 6 and 24 are separated and the motorway returned to its original ‘orbital’ layout.

The Metropolitan Police have also advised motorists to avoid the Lambeth area, where the new crossover point of the rerouted motorway was dumped, resulting in widespread carnage. ‘I’m confident that we will catch the culprits’ stated Chief Superintendent Matt Bell, ‘and if we can prove that their recklessness has been a contributing factor in the 892 road traffic accidents reported overnight then they can be sure of receiving a hefty fine, and possibly even several hours of community service.’

However, the new figure-of-eight configuration has won some admirers, not least the Mayor of London Boris Johnson, who declared himself a fan of the new layout, which he described as, ‘a refreshing change, that’s sure to ease the monotony of circumnavigating London. Personally, I think that both the Highways Agency and the Met are completely overreacting’ declared Boris. ‘This is nothing more than a harmless jape, not dissimilar to the sort of high jinx that I’d get up to in my youth following a Bullingdon Club dinner’.

However, critics of Mr. Johnson have suggested that his favourable view of these, ‘unofficial road works’, may have been unduly influenced by the sudden and sharp rise in Congestion Charge revenue over the past 12-hours.