Went with my mommy today to see ‘This Is It’ again (her first time) and I cried like a little bitch this time. Because this time I went into it as a MJ fan and not a critic like I usually do and did the first time I saw it, haha.

I don’t even know where to begin, because leaving the theater today I had all this shit I wanted to say about this great entertainer, this amazing human being, but now that I’ve let time go by, my brain has gone on to other things.

Watching the movie this time around, I couldnt help but feel like a kid again and related to every song of his that he would perform on the screen in front of me and remember where I was when I first heard it or what that song meant to me as a child – BECAUSE HIS MUSIC MEANT ALOT TO ME GROWING UP.

I wanted TO BE Micheal Jackson in this video….

…and anyone that was a kid or even AN ADULT when this video came out did too, i don’t care what you say now haters, you know that you were rocking those fucking moves everytime you had the chance. Well I WAS every FUCKING DAY! My mom taped it on a vhs for me as well as the Making of Thriller and we watched it everyday and I danced to it everyday.

IT WAS THAT SERIOUS.

IT STILL IS THAT FUCKING SERIOUS.

Because it didn’t end there…..I soon got hooked to ‘Beat It’ and his little ‘card throwing move’ that he does at the end, OMG I wanted to dance just like him!

Hell as I write this I have the Thriller playing in the background and I cant help but sway to it and fight the urge to get up and scream -

CUZ THIS IS THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRILLLLAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

The man was a fucking genius as a child, teenager and an adult, why anyone let stupid RUMORS blind them to his genius is just pathetic to me and fucking sad as hell, because it took away from us fans because it pretty much haulted his creativity if you ask me and now he’s gone and we’ll never have that again.

And watching the movie during ‘thriller’ you could see him smiling like a little kid as him and his dancers did the dance and it made me love him more, because to me that smile symbolized that he was having fun because he KNEW by him doing that dance with his backup dancers that he was fullfilling one of their childhood dreams – to dance with MJ and not just ANY DANCE – THE FUCKING THRILLER DANCE!

That then made me sad because I would give ANYTHING to at least to do ONE OF THE MOVES from Thriller with him, but I can’t

HOLY SHIT SIDENOTE: I’m looking for MJ videos on this one MJ fan youtube account and i just opened their profile and ‘I wanna’ just started playing, which is the new video from The All-American Rejects, a.k.a. MY BOYS – total full circle O_o

But yea back to the movie, just watching it, the whole time it was like hit after hit after hit, that meant so much to me at some point in my life, whether it was wanting to be a dancing fool to one of his songs cuz it was that good or for other emotional reasons.

For example….

I never felt like I fit in ANYWHERE because I moved every 2 years of my life (until 10th grade) and then on top of that I’m half black & half white. So I was either to black to hang with the white kids or I acted to white to hang with the black kids, so half my life I just ended up being my own friend. Then to make things worse that caused me to pretty much destroy any self esteem I could of had growing up.

Constantly had my mom putting me on diets (which looking back now I WASNT FAT), people calling me ugly and then guys hitting on me, I never knew what to believe. So I would just think I was hideous and hide behind pony tails, jeans and baggy tshirts.

From The All-American Rejects' video 'Dirty Little Secret'.

This card was actually used because it reminded them of me and it totally captures how i’ve felt about myself and how I think i’ll always feel about myself. Regardless I do have a ‘i dont care’ attitude to help with all that, but it still is the complete truth.

So in all that sense when Black or White came out, I felt like Michael Jackson write that especially for people like me, because he too was going through the same thing when it came to color and it’s just stupid. See me as a person or a personality not what I AM, because WHAT I AM isn’t WHO I AM.

I mean I even remember where I was when it premiered after The Simpsons, my family was all in the living room watching/waiting for it to start then when it did I’m pretty sure I went to my room and was immediately screaming the lyrics like it was sorta bible verse. Then the next day at school when EVERYONE was talking about it, I couldn’t help but feel proud like the video/song was in fact written about me, because it’s how I always felt……it doesnt matter if you’re black or white……..and people would always tell me it does.

Well once MJ says it, it’s truth.

And i’ve loved that song for that reason ever since then

Another song of MJ’s that i love dearly is the theme song from Free Willy ‘Will You Be There’. I used to make fun of the movie ALL THE TIME when it came out, but truth be told I went over and over to see it because of Michael’s song.

Even though this song was for a movie with a whale, i always felt this video was about Michael and that’s why I loved it so much. Because no matter how horrible people and the media were to him, this man, this incredible genius was still all about spreading the love and awareness on us making the world a better place.

THERE IS NO ONE LIKE THAT NOW.

He loved the simple things of life, the mystery of nature and the innocence of children. I LOVE THESE THINGS TOO and is, i believe the reason why people think I’m weird as well.

I am a 27 year old woman, who would rather go climb trees, color, giggle and just watch cartoons with my closest friends, then what other normal people my age would be doing, which is going out to clubs, drinking, having kids and getting married.

Which don’t get me wrong, having kids & getting married aren’t bad at all and I hope to do those things as well, but it’s because of my age and the fact that I don’t have these things or planning to do them LIKE RIGHT NOW that people see me as weird.

And I feel thats why people judged Michael so harshly as well, because we were the same in that aspect & probably another if not the main reason why I love and supported him so much, especially through the trails and stuff, trust me I cussed out ALOT of people in 6th grade, you don’t even wanna know.

I was lucky though and he didn’t perform this song in the movie, because I WOULD OF been a crying mess. And when I say crying mess, I mean can’t see, speak or keep quiet because I would be crying so hard. TRUFAX

However, they did play my recent favorite song and if that wasn’t bad enough they ENDED the movie with it….

I say recent favorite song, because it was just earlier this year that I rediscovered it and Leilani & me would jam it in the car on roadtrip dubbing it ‘Going to Church’ time, because if you listen to the song especially at the end, you REALLY feel like you’re in church.

And then on top of that, I need to change alot of things about me in order to do anything with my life (not true, just how i feel) so when he died, this song’s lyrics REALLY HIT ME HARD and now it’s almost as hard to listen to as ‘Will You Be There’.

So as soon as I heard the beginning chords start playing in the movie, i choked up and grabbed my hoodie since I immediately started silently crying. It was short lived though, because some kid was running around the theater crying because he couldn’t find his mom, which made me laugh, no idea why, haha

But yea seeing this movie again today with my mommy felt right, I got to see it as the MJ fan that I am and just realize how much I really do love this man, not just because of his talent but as a person who truely LOVES and believes in the power of love for making everything right.

I just wish this world would take his messages, his words and truely live by it as well.

I’m trying, its really hard, but that’s all that matters.

And don’t get me wrong, I WILL flick off an MJ hater………..its all for love.

So before even seeing this movie I knew I was gonna love it, but even with that knowledge I still went in it as someone that might just be going to see it so they can ’say’ that they ’saw that Michael Jackson’ movie in theaters. Since this movie is only having a 2 week movie theater run before it’s gone from theaters and HOPEFULLY they release it on DVD.

But back to the movie itself. I would like to say that me and my friends Leilani & Katie were lucky with the audience we saw this movie with. On the way to the movie theater I was kinda sitting on the fence on what to expect. Half of me thought OH SHIT ITS GONNA BE MADNESS, where the other half felt that it probably wouldnt be bad at all, because it’s the midnight showing on a Tuesday night. People gotta go to work in the morning, right?

We get there, get our tickets – which was my first time EVER using movietickets.com haha, kinda a cool way to buy tickets, but I really don’t see me using it all that much – went to the concession stand to get something to drink since we made a quick stop at our favorite BK Lounge and figured I’d need something to drink with my food

Ordered my New Moon cup (which the cashier hated her life, cuz for some reason she didnt understand that I wanted fruit punch with some blue rasberry icee mixed *shakes head*) and went to our theater, which on the way to it we passed the other midnight showing for ‘This Is It’ and was immediately like ‘oh shit’ because there was a HUGE GROUP of people standing in the aisles arguing with their friends on where to sit. Which instantly told me there was a shitload of people already seated in that theater.

Walk into our theater and there’s MAYBE 8 people spread out in one of the largest theaters they have in this AMC Theater, haha. Katie had a few set backs with getting her movietickets.com ticket, but got it solved and then joined us in our theater as well. We ended up having MAYBE 20 people in our theater for the movie. Which was great because that meant no distractions

One thing I wasn’t expecting was movie previews, because to be honest this movie for me has been presented more as a special engagement/memorial type of thing and not a movie. So when actually movie trailers/previews started playing I couldn’t help but get lost in them like I always do to the point that when they end you’re like “wait what are we watching again?”.

But the realization hits you as soon as the beginning of the movie begins and you read the name ‘Michael Jackson’ in the scrolling text. Not gonna lie to you, I almost started crying by just what you read in the beginning of the movie, let alone the introduction into the actual show.

The movie as a whole, for me I thought was great, it jumps right into the rehearsal of the ‘This Is It’ tour with ‘Gotta Be Starting Something’ so immediately you’re wanting to get up and dance, if not just sing along. That’s mostly how the whole movie is, fighting urges to wanna dance, sing and cry, because this genius is no longer with us.

There’s also very cute & funny parts of the movie, because let’s face it, the fans that really truely saw the heart of Michael Jackson through his dancing & more importantly heard it in his music. We knew he was a kind, caring, gentle person just by that and it truely shows in this movie. All the perfection & hard work he put into everything.

Like I said before, being a Michael Jackson fan I knew I was gonna love all 2 hours of this movie, I mean it’s the behind the scenes of GENIUS, this movie could of been 6 hours for all I cared and I still would of loved the shit out of all the singing and dancing…however I really don’t see EVERYONE enjoying this movie.

It might ‘drag’ or be ‘boring’ to them, because this truely is a ‘rehearsal’/behind the scenes movie. Think the MTV show ‘making the tour’ with NSYNC back in the day, except minus seeing how everything looked as a finish project at the end of the show. There is no finished project to this movie and that’s where the sad part of the movie comes in.

You witness the making of such an amazing show and then at the end when it fades to black you realize that no one will ever know how this would of looked as a finished project and that’s just heartbreaking.

Micheal Jackson was truely an amazing form of life. And i’ve loved & been a fan of his ever since I was a little girl learning the Thriller dance in my living room. So to be able to watch this movie which consisted of his last few weeks & even days of his life, hard at work, doing what he does best……is all the closure I can ask for.

I just hope that now people will see this movie – fan or not – and be reminded of the genius he really was and not the monster people tend to have too much fun trying to make him seem; even after his death.

So if you’re a fan or not, I suggest you go see this on the BIG SCREEN, because lets face it, you know at some point in your life at least ONE of his songs hit that ‘dance nerve’ in you and whenever you hear that ONE song of his you just have to get up and let go. If anything go see this movie FOR THAT one song, it’ll be worth it, i promise you.

ONE MORE THING:
Stay through the credits, there’s a cute clip of MJ at the end

I drew this drawing of Robert Pattinson 2 weeks ago and it still blows my mind that I drew this. It actually took me 6 hours to make and is probably the most detailed drawing I have EVER done of anyone.

The most I’ve ever been able to draw of someone is the eyes, maybe the nose and the mouth. I think because i took my time and was freaking out the entire time that it turned out so well.

Like seriously I don’t know how else to describe to you that I’m not able to draw like this like EVER. I’m starting to think that my bbz are right and I was possessed by the Dazzle. I did think it was cute that my mom wants to frame it, even though I dont wanna tear it out of my sketchbook and I don’t know how you can scan it with high quality, you know right?

Wait did i seriously just say ‘you know right?’ what does that even fucking mean? LOL

ANYWAYS, I wanna draw another picture, but because of how awesome this one turned out I am super fucking nervous about screwing up the next one. I wanna try to finish the Leo drawing I started years ago, but I dunno I’m just completely afraid of me not being able to draw any good (like i’m used to) and that this drawing ends up being the only good drawing I’ll ever do.

Then on the other hand i also wanna try drawing one of the GQ Magazine pictures that Robert did, but just thinking about it is freaking me out =(

WHOA Michael Jackson’s funeral is happening right now?! HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME?!!

Wait nevermind, it’s not gonna be televised since it’s a private ceremony……..good

You know I really really really really really REALLY hope they turn Neverland Ranch into a Graceland for MJ. Like seriously it just has to happen, if it doesn’t it’s just fucking wrong.

When we went to Mississippi last week we went to Graceland (again) and it just makes you realize how much you WISH that someone does that for MJ with Neverland Ranch. And i’m not even thinking of it as a profit thing like i’m sure some of his behind the scenes team would be. I’m thinking of it from a fan’s prospective and how cool it would be be able to visit that. Kinda like the MJ Kingdom……….i dunno it just really has to happen

Anyways I think i’m gonna go read for awhile since Jennifer is gonna be at my house around 9:50am to go see if Vinnie is skating tomorrow