Mouse-To-Mouse And More... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
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you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
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================
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~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
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( |||| ) ( |||| )(,,,)`
( |||||| )-( |||||| ) | ^
( |||||| ) ( |||||| ) |'/
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>-->Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This hot tottie comes from a forward from our friend Johanna.
It pretty much amazed me so I had a little fun and did it
up so all of you could enjoy it too! Check it out here:
_,--=--._
,' _ `.
- _(_)_o -
____' /_ _/] `____
-=====::(+):::::::::::::::::(+)::=====-
(+).""""""""""""",(+)
. ,
` -=- '
cjr
Lenticular Clouds Or UFO?
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ufo.html
---
...I never knew about these! Awesome! Thanks Johanna!
====================================================================
>-->From The Funnybone: A Sloth Gathering Berries
`""==,,__ A sloth in the forest had
`"==..__"=..__ _ _..-==""_ spent all day gathering
.-,`"=/ /\ \""/_)==""`` berries and was making his
( ( | | | \/ | way home when he was mugged
\ '. | \; \ / by a gang of snails. They
| \ | | || knocked him down, knocked
,-._.' |_| | || him out and made off with all
.\_/\ -' ; Y his berries.
| ` | / |-.
'. __/_ _.-' /' A while later he was found
jgs `'-.._____.-' and aided by a very concerned
monkey who asked him what had
happened. The monkey told him he should go to the police, that if
he gave them a good description of the culprits the chances were
good that the thugs would be caught and punished.
Unfortunately, the sloth revealed, "I'm afraid I never saw them;
it all happened so fast."
=====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Viv :)
,--,
|__ _ ___/ /\|
:__|_|__/ __ ;( )__, )
/-\|__/-\_/ ; // '--;
\'/ \'/ \ |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>THE AMISH ELEVATOR
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that
could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never
seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old
lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The
walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular
numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up
again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father said quietly to his son................
"Go get your mother."
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Viv!
==============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
>Oxy-morons
/ ,
/\ \|/ /\
|\\_;=._//|
\." "./
//^\ /^\\
.'``",/ |0| |0| \,"``'.
/ , `'\.---./'` , \
/` /`\,."( )".,/`\ `\
/` ( '.'-.-'.' ) `\
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`/.'`"=.,_``=``_,.="`'.\`
jgs ) (
THIS SHOULD PUT A LAUGH OR SMILE IN YOUR DAY…….
O x y m o r o n s
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
when we are already there?
10.Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11.Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12.Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13.Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14.Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
15.Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16.If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17.If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18.If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19.If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20.Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21.Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
22.Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23.How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24.Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25.Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26.Why do they call it a TV "set" when you only have one?
27.Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front
of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
28.Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
I dunno, why do we?
---
...Got Me! Thanks Sandi!
-<>-
@
)
(_m_\
\\" _.`~.
`(#'/.\)
.>' (_--,
_=/d . ^\
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/ | ptr
##'##'#after a:f##############
#################################
>A Cowboy's Ten Commandments
posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin'.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin' before God.
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(7) No killin'.
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don't take what ain't yers.
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff.
Y'all git all that?
---
...Yepper! Thanks Sandi! Reminds me of these...
Texas Rules Of Ettiquette
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/texas.html
Rules For US Civilians
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Del :)
Del sent us one we already have a page on here...
\\ /////
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(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
Daily With Our Troops 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily3.html
---
...What a sweet reminder! Thanks Del!
-<>-
>"I'm 63 and Im Tired" by Robert A. Hall
I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a
six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day,
I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I
still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight
years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income,
and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement
in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who
don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will
take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people
too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in
their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to
help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our
paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the
left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the
Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their
own money.
I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires
like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in
luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if
they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe,
the freedom of the press of China, the crime and violence of
Mexico, the tolerance for Christian people of Iran, and the freedom of
speech of Venezuela.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every
day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters,
wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over
some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because
they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of
Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims
mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah,
because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial
world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs,
lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming
them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto
culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more
than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.
I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black
child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the
Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi
Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and
less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.
I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural
expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were
wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential
time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control
weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military
records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin,
with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but
touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best
president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or
switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but
the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we
must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa
Islamic schools to preach hate in America, while no American group is
allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia
to teach love and tolerance.
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a
two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We
also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter
live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're
greener than Gore, you're green enough.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must
help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant
germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up
their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people
choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs.
And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak
when I tell them I never tried marijuana.
I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers,"
especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or
crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"?
And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's
been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my
religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic
person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is
self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for
three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.
I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the
uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped
kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their
kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under
life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than
themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops
sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that
were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are?
Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all
the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or
Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the
Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the
Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in
Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture
rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of
schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll
compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in
history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding
from in fear.
I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue
and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums
are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need
bipartisanship. I live in Illinois, where the "Illinois Combine" of
Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the
tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of
both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or
youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was
getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or
poor.
Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned
homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans
didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty
pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars
flowing.
I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives
and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or
discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm
not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just
sorry for my granddaughter.
.---.
___ /_____\
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/ / \_-_/_
\ `-.-"`'V'//-.
`.__, |// , \
|Ll //Ll|\ \
|__// | \_\
/---|[]==| / /
\__/ | \/\/
/_ | Ll_\|
|`^"""^`|
| | |
| | |
| | |
| | |
L___l___J
jgs |_ | _|
(___|___)
^^^ ^^^
Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the
Massachusetts State Senate.
There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends
it on!
This is your chance to make a difference.
Visit Snopes.com on this here
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/imtired.asp
---
...Great Letter! Thanks Del!
================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[POLITICS]
>From Patriot UpDate:
Obama’s Do as I say, not as I do in Blaming Bush
http://tinyurl.com/27a82hm
Stand Up and Protect and Defend the legacy of liberty
http://tinyurl.com/24kt2oj
>From TCC:
TCC Action Alert: Follow Arizona's Lead
http://tinyurl.com/27wmfk2
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
A couple of issues ago I made a comment about police as a
"necessary evil" which prompted several people to write in,
passionately defending cops for the difficult and dangerous
job that they do. And I agree. When a cop jeopardizes his
or her safety to defend the life and property of the
citizenry they are a hero. It is when police become an agent
for authoritarianism and a tax-collecting tool, infringing
upon the rights and freedoms of the citizenry, that they
become an evil.
You might be thinking that's just plain, old paranoia, but
I just read two stories that demonstrate how our freedoms
are slowly being curtailed.
Three days ago www.ohio.com reported that Ohio's highest
court has ruled that a person may be convicted of speeding
purely if it looked to a police officer that the motorist
was going too fast.
Apparently Cleveland can't afford traffic camera's so their
traffic cops can now issue speeding tickets bases upon
educated guesses.
The Ohio Supreme Court ruled that an officer's visual
estimation of speed is enough to support a conviction if
the officer is certified by a training academy, and ex-
perienced in watching for speeders. Independent verification
of a driver's speed is not necessary.
So try not to "look" like you're speeding.
And if you feel like you are being harassed by the police
for whatever reason, be careful trying to protect yourself
by filming them.
According to gizmodo.com a new trend in law enforcement is
gaining popularity. In at least three states, it is now
illegal to record any on-duty police officer. Even if the
encounter involves you and may be necessary to your defense,
and even if the recording is on a public street where no
expectation of privacy exists.
The legal justification for arresting the "shooter" rests on
existing wiretapping or eavesdropping laws, with statutes
against obstructing law enforcement sometimes cited. Illinois,
Massachusetts, and Maryland are among the 12 states in which
all parties must consent for a recording to be legal unless,
as with TV news crews, it is obvious to all that recording is
underway. Since the police do not consent, the camera-wielder
can be arrested!
So the police can record you with dashboard cams, but you
can't record them...unless you want to get arrested! That
sounds fair. Better not argue about that speeding ticket.
-- Baby walks at 6 months -----------------
CAMBRIDGE, England - Doctors said the case of a British
baby who learned to walk unaided at just 6 months is
"extremely uncommon." Mary King, 30, and her husband
David, 27, of Cambridge, England, said their first child,
Xavier, amazed them when he began sitting up on his own
at 3 months and only further shocked them when he stood up
and started walking distances of up to 6 feet on his own
in January, when he was 6 months old, The Daily Telegraph
reported. "Xavier is more advanced than most babies his
age. It was just amazing when he got up and started putting
one leg in front of the other," King said. "The only
problem now is that I can't leave him alone so have had
to buy a play pen so he doesn't get into any mischief."
Dr. Martin Ward Platt, consultant pediatrician at Royal
Victoria Infirmary in Newcastle, England, said it is rare
for babies to start walking so young. "To be quite so
precocious with your walking is extremely uncommon, but...
it will happen from time to time," he said. "For his
parents, having to cope with a much more mobile child much
earlier than expected simply brings forward the moment you
need eyes in the back of your head."
-- Man builds 625-square-foot snow house ---------
CHARDON, Ohio - An Ohio man said he is putting the finish-
ing touches on his winter project: a 625-square-foot snow
castle built in the front yard of his family's home. Jimmy
Grey, 25, of the Chardon area in Geauga County, said the
25-foot-by-25-foot structure, which boasts four rooms, a
flat-screen TV, a surround-sound system, strobe lights and
beer that never goes warm, was a project born out of a
desire to keep busy after losing his job last spring, The
Plain Dealer newspaper in Cleveland reported Monday. Grey
said he started the project after an early January snow-
storm using snow collected from his neighborhood and soon
found himself enlisting friends to help truck snow in from
around the area. The man said the luxury igloo, which uses
electricity from his garage and cable TV from his house,
hosts get-togethers a few nights a week and will likely
remain a monument to his winter well into the warm months.
"To be honest," Grey's father, Jim Sr., said, "I'll be
surprised if it's gone by the Fourth of July."
---
...I bet his idea is 'all wet' now! HaHa!
He needs to play here...
Ice Hotel
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/icehotel.html
Or here - Desert Skiing
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desertskiing.html
_,--=--._
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- _(_)_o -
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-=====::(+):::::::::::::::::(+)::=====-
(+).""""""""""""",(+)
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cjr
-- Advocates say UFO landing proved -------------
ANGEL FIRE, N.M. - Believers in visits to Earth by alien
spacecraft say they have hard evidence of landings in a
pasture in a sparsely populated area in northern New Mexico.
The Alliance Studying Paranormal Experiences, based in the
small village of Angel Fire, claims the region has received
multiple visits. Alliance President Janet Sailor calls the
area a "UFO hot spot." The latest reported discovery was
last year when Judy Piper, an Angel Fire accountant, dis-
covered circles on land she owns in the Moreno Valley
outside of town. She reported the find to Sailor, and last
weekend, Dee Gragg, a New Mexico State University professor
and assistant director of the state chapter of the Mutual
UFO Network, came to Angel Fire to discuss the circles.
Gragg said the important question is what kind of craft
landed in the valley. He regards the question of whether
there was a landing as answered. At a meeting Saturday,
he showed slides of the circles. Gragg described them as
most likely the footprints of several small ships, either
unmanned probes or carriers of small aliens.
---
...Reminds me of these...
Crop Circle Mystery
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery.html
Crop Circles 2009!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.htm
More Strange Stuff...
Weird Rainy Days
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainyday.html
Wave Frozen In Time
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wave.html
Wind Snow Rolls
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snow.html
Underwater River In Mexico
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html
================================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
+
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O O | || |
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-------------
unknown
The church I serve has a summer ministry at a chapel. At
our first service last summer, the chairman of the Board of
deacons met me at the door with the Information that there
were no offering plates to be Found. None of the men wore
hats, and he thought it Undignified to pass a shoe. He had
tried to borrow Something suitable from a house nearby, but
no one Was home.
When I went to the chancel to begin the service, the problem
was still unsolved. Time came for the offering, and two
ushers walked down the aisle wearing broad grins and carrying
shiny receptacles. The deacon had resourcefully borrowed two
hubcaps from a parishioner's car.
-<>-
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept
refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what,"
he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you
name the boat?"
Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went
to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw
painted on the side: "For Sale."
-<>-
We had built our dream house several years ago, and
furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them.
Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new
bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.
"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the
driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve
years for this!"
"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this
morning."
-<>-
_ /)
mo / )
|/)\)
/\_
\__|=
( )
__)(__
_________+______/ \______+__________
__-- | R.I.P. |-_-- __
_-- - | ___ __________ ___ |
-_-- __ || | | | {| /| | || __--- -_
--__- || | | | {| /|| | ||-- -
|| | | | {| /||| | ||__--
__-- -__|| | | | {| |}||| | ||-- __--
||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_|| -__
--__- -|| | | | {& |}||/ | ||--- __--
|| | | | {| |}|/| | ||-__
-- __--|| | | | {| |}/|| | ||__-- -__
-- || | | | {| &}||| | || __
--- __-|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_---__- --
- -_ || | | | {| |}||| | || --
__ejm 97|| | | | {| |}||| | ||_--__- _---
_________||_|_|_|_{| |}|||_|_||______________
|}|/
|}/
|/
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and
the director showed us into a room in which containers for
ashes were on display.
After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had
decided.
She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go
into the ground."
After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really
prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue."
-<>-
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.
Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
-<>-
Nothing rattles my father-in-law, especially when the St.
Louis Cardinals are on TV.
One day we were watching a game, when my mother-in-law
shrieked from the kitchen, "Jim, there's a horsefly in
here!"
Not taking his eyes off the screen, he barked back,"Give
it some cough syrup."
-<>-
No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our
daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle,
I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a
little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-
checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of
the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my
leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in
the chin.
-<>-
Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions"
that spotlights people who live in our community.
In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age,
people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of
their personalities.
Recently one woman was asked, "What's the 'strangest' thing
you ever bought?"
She answered, "Dog toothpaste."
Next question, "What is the 'most common' thing people say
to you?"
Her answer: "Where did you get such white teeth?"
============================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
____
|| |
||___|
_)__SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS
* Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
* Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing
the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
* Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings...
they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
* A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has
a scapegoat.
* If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...
then you probably haven't completely understood the
situation.
* Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
* We waste time, so you don't have to.
* Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an
incompetent slacker.
* A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
** ~ Succeed in spite of management.
** ~ Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
* We waste more time by 9:30 in the morning than other
companies do all day.
* You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
* Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
====================================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
|\
| \
|
____________ ____________ |
/ O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ |
|____________| |____________| |
| ____________ || | |
|| ||| | |
|| ]||| | |
/\ ____ || ||| | _______ |
[| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| |
__|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___|
|#####| jro\
>Signs That Its Time To Do The Laundry
You're wearing your last pair of underwear in the shower consistently.
You've worn your sheets to school because you can't get them off of you.
Your socks act like a shirt does when its heavily starched and emit a
serious funk.
Your roommate walks around wearing a full body medical suit like they
did in the movie "Outbreak" to avoid catching the Ebola virus.
The Snuggle Bear on the softener bottle officially died last week.
The DEA's drug sniffing dog is always coming by to sniff your laundry
because the strong stench makes him think you have 28 tons of pot in
your closet.
Even after sewing 28 spring scented dryer sheets to the inside of your
shirt, your friends still say you reek.
The phrase "Wash Me" is visibly written in your jeans.
Your red T-shirt is now green.
The boss pulls you aside to remind you that your company's casual days
does not include your college graduation gown and scuba diving fins.
-<>-
Dear Tide:
I'm writing to tell you what an excellent product you have! I've used
it since the beginning of my married life, ever since my Mom told me it
was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find
it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on
my new white blouse.
My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy
I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led
to another and I ended up with some of his blood on my white blouse. I
tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just
wouldn't come out.
After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid
Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all
of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that when
the detectives came by yesterday, they told me that the DNA tests on my
blouse were negative, and then my attorney called and said that I would
no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief.
Well, got to go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people... :
in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief.
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product.
-<>-
==_a=_========()===
/|_|_| ||
| |`|`|______[__]_
jrei '-(O)-------(O)(O)'
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids
home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat
of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing
the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she
said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
-<>-
________________
'------._.------'\
\_______________\
.'| .'|
.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
>You Know You're A Dog Person When...
* All dates must pass your dog's inspection.
* All of your clothes have dog hair on them, even when they come back
from the Laundromat or dry cleaners.
* You get birthday cards for each of your dogs from family, friends, and
the vet.
* If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.
* Your voice is recognized by your vet's receptionist.
* City officials come to your home and say "Your dogs are barking." And
you can't figure out what the problem is.
* Dog crates double as chairs and/or tables in your family room.
* It's easier to get a hairdresser's appointment for yourself than it
is to get one for your dog.
* Nobody's feet are allowed on the furniture, but your dogs are welcome
to sleep on any piece they so choose.
* The first question you ask when on a date is: "So, do you like
animals?"
* The instructions to the dog kennel are longer than the instructions to
the house sitter.
=====================================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
Q. Why can't we hear what goes on inside our body?
A. Nature has seen fit to tune our hearing so that we hear high-pitched
sounds (e.g. the human voice), rather than the lower-pitched sounds like
blood rushing through the arteries. The odds of hearing blood pumping
are further decreased by the fact the most sound-sensitive areas around
the ear have no blood vessels in them.
-<>-
>Mouse-to-Mouse
_,,,_
.' `'.
/ ____ \
| .'_ _\/
/ ) a a| .----.
/ ( > | /| '--.
( ) ._ / || ]| `-.
) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::|
( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::|
`/ `-./ `. || ]| ::|
_ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-'
/ \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'(
| |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------,
| `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /|
| \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / |
| | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ |
| /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) |
\ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( |
| | / `---` `===' / ) |
/ \ / / ( |
| '------. |'--------------------'| ) |
\ `-| | / |
`--...,______| | ( |
| | | | ) ,|
| | | | ( /||
| | | | )/ `"
/ \ | | (/
jgs .' /I\ '.| | /)
.-'_.'/ \'. | | /
``` `"""` `| .-------------------.||
`"` `"`
I work in a busy office where a computer going down causes quite an
inconvenience.
Recently one of our computers not only crashed, it made a noise that
sounded like a heart monitor.
"This computer has flat-lined!" a co-worker called out with mock horror.
"Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
-<>-
>Office visit
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by a young, new
doctor. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told
her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told
him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another
room.
The doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first doctor
was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 59 years
old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told
her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking
up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
-<>-
_ _
__ ___.--'_`. .'_`--.___ __
( _`.'. - 'o` ) ( 'o` - .`.'_ )
_\.'_' _.-' `-._ `_`./_
( \`. ) //\` '/\\ ( .'/ )
\_`-'`---'\\__, ,__//`---'`-'_/
\` `-\ /-' '/
` ' VK
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says
his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay,
he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out
there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants
to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is
this?"
(you're gonna love this)
(its a real treat)
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a
Rolling Stone."
---
National Anthem of the Frogs
=============================
God save our gracious Frogs
Long live our noble Frogs
Long live the Frogs
Send them victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to croak over us
God save the Frogs.
______
(__ __)
| |
| |________........--------........________ __
| |\\ ~~~~~~~~------~~~~ ||
| | \\ o ||
| | || o^/|\^o ||
| | || o\*`'.\|/.'`*/o ||
| | || \\\\\\|////// ||
| | || {><><>-
Q. Where did the word "cobweb" come from?
A. "Cobweb" comes from the Anglo-Saxon word "attercoppes." Anter is
Saxon for spider and coppes is Middle English for weave. By the Middle
Ages it was abbreviated to "cop" and "copweb.". Eventually it became
"cobweb."
-<>-
____ .---. ,-----. _____
.' `,.': :'' : :.' `.
| : : ' ' ' ' : : \
| ' ' ' ' \
| v \
| | v \
| | | v \
| |_ | () | \/ | (= | \
| | | | | \
| | | | | \
| | | | | \
| ===== | | | | )
\ --- /| ===== | | | /
`---' \ --- /| ===== | ===== | /
`---' \ ---- A ----- / /
`----'.`-----' /
/ /
'-._ / dp
'. /
`----'
>THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR AT THE TATTOO PARLOR
* "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE."
* "We're all out of red, so I used pink."
* "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
* "Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy."
* "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti
Sweetie."
* "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups."
* "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here."
* "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before."
* "The flag's all done and you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving
effect."
* Oops....
=====================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Chalk Art 3!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart3.html
True Duck Tale
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
Look Who's Talking 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking4.html
Oregon Aquarium
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oregon.html
Until We Write Again
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/write.html
World's Largest Holes
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/holes.html
Freaky Art Vans
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artvan.html
House Dust Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dusthouse.html
-<>-
>From The MouthPiece:
THE DR. PHIL RANDOM QUOTE GENERATOR
During these times of trouble and turmoil, nothing sedates
a soul or stifles common sense quite like words of wisdom
from Dr. Phil. Click the button as often as you need to
satisfy the "inner wuss" in you.
THE DR. PHIL RANDOM QUOTE GENERATOR
http://www.mangydog.com/games/drphil.html
THE WASHINGTON BANANA MUSEUM
Are you tired of the same old run-of-the-mill museums?
Get ready for a tribute to that most perfect fruit - THE
BANANA! Museum curator Ann Mitchell Lovell has assembled
close to 4,000 items, a melange of artifacts, folk art
and other cultural oddities devoted to the world's perfect
fruit.
THE WASHINGTON BANANA MUSEUM
http://www.bananamuseum.com/
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Speed Traps Via Wesley
http://njection.com/speedtrap/
Astronomical clock Shinjuku i-Land
http://tinyurl.com/2va6zyx
Mechanical clock in Shibuya Tokyo
http://tinyurl.com/3976ucl
FatFingers - eBay typos, misspelling & spelling mistakes
http://www.fatfingers.com/
---
...I can relate to that one! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
Nextel Dance Party
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm
Men Invented Everything
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkdak.htm
Mouse
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdkoo.htm
Movie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkji.htm
Mozart
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkjop.htm
Neumaticob
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jijoij.htm
No Fear
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm
Bad Luck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm
Boogie Woogie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm
Ford Police Chase
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
==============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"In Chicago, a couple who are Cubs fans have named their baby
Wrigley Field. Apparently the couple expects their baby to be
a lot of fun, but ultimately disappointing."
-Conan O'Brien
"I got some new pajamas with pockets in them...which is
great because before that I used to have to hold stuff when
I slept."
-Demetri Martin
"I went to the doctor and all he did was suck blood from my
neck. Do NOT go see Dr. Acula!"
-Mitch Hedberg
I had a secretary who claimed that she liked to live like
she types: Fast and with lots of mistakes.
Did you hear what happened to the butcher? He backed into
a meat slicer and got a little behind in his work.
Village Dry Cleaners has relocated to High Street, right next
door to St. Joseph's Church. After July 1, Cleanliness Is
Next to Godliness.'
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served.
The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans.
ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3
VV
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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>TO SUBSCRIBE:
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For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to
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