Lindsay Lohan is cured, everybody

Seen here drunk off her ass in Cannes last night, Lindsay Lohan gave an interview before heading to France (after the jump) where she literally believes she’s not going to jail and will complete her remaining alcohol classes in time because, obviously, there’s not even a drinking problem to begin with. Via TMZ:

Lohan, who is clearly living in the world of denial, says she needs a few more weeks to fully complete her traffic school obligations.
The judge has made it clear — Thursday is D-day, and if she is in violation of probation LiLo is going to jail. And, if Lindsay is shy of 13 on Thursday, the judge will almost certainly issue a warrant for her arrest if she doesn’t show up for court.

What I love most about Lindsay Lohan is she’s never sober enough to realize there’s eight billion pictures of her getting shitfaced at any given moment, yet she spends her few lucid moments telling the paparazzi she’s cleaned up her act. I’m sure they just smile and nod then wait no more than five minutes for her to hump a fire hydrant. “I’m on top of my game now, gentleman. They’re gonna put me back in the movies. Now give it me to you watery, red bitch! *throws up* Mm, yeah, you like that.”

Damn, this shit is just getting sad. Mock all you want but there’s a real girl here, with real tits and a real ass (maybe). And she’s too wasted to even show off those assets in an exploitative glossy men’s magazine photo shoot.

Hahaha. “What I love most about Lindsay Lohan is she’s never sober enough to realize there’s eight billion pictures of her getting shitfaced at any given moment, yet she spends her few lucid moments telling the paparazzi she’s cleaned up her act.”

I don’t think she’s drunk. These are a bunch of out-of-context stills. She’s sort of dismissing people on this site and others who are “haters” in that video where she does not appear to be under the influence of any substances. She’s in compliance with her court mandates, to say she’s going to jail is ridiculous, she probably won’t even have to show up to court on Thursday. She’s doing OK, has a small part in a movie coming out in Sep, just released pics of her and her sister modeling her line which is expanding and sold in stores like Nieman Marcus, is in Cannes to announce a new movie (what parties she may or may not attend is her business while there), and has had several tracks from an upcoming CD leaked out on the net to enough favorable responses for it to matter. She’s not skinny like she was last year. So all this talk is much to do about nothing. She seems OK to me.