My name is Kenneth Fisher and I am Senior DBA for a large (multi-national) insurance company. I have been working with databases for over 20 years starting with Clarion and Foxpro. I’ve been working with SQL Server for 12 years but have only really started “studying” the subject for the last 3. I don’t have any real "specialities" but I enjoy trouble shooting and teaching. Thus far I’ve earned by MCITP Database Administrator 2008, MCTS Database Administrator 2005, and MCTS Database Developer 2008. I’m currently studying for my MCITP Database Developer 2008 and should start in on the 2012 exams next year. My blog is at www.sqlstudies.com.

Every morning we have a daily meeting and my manager asks who’s on call. And every morning some form of the following pops into my head.

The new IT manager (Lou) walks into the DBA manager’s office (Bud).
Lou: Hey Bud I’m trying to get a feel for what’s going on in your department.
Bud: Sounds reasonable Lou. But I’ll warn you DBAs are rather strange.
Lou: In what way?
Bud: Well they have rather odd names for one thing.
Lou: Well with a job title of DBA I’m not surprised.
Bud: Ok, so Who’s on call, What’s on instance monitoring and I Don’t Know’s on backups…
Lou: That’s what I want to find out.
Bud: I say Who’s on call, What’s on instance monitoring and I Don’t Know’s on backups…
Lou: Look, are you the manager.
Bud: Of course.
Lou: Then Who’s on call.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: I mean the guy’s name.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The guy on call.
Bud: Who.
Lou: Who’s taking calls after hours!
Bud: Exactly.
Lou: On call is .
Bud: Who is on call!
Lou: I’m asking you Who’s on call.
Bud: That’s the man’s name.
Lou: That’s Who’s name?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Well go ahead and tell me.
Bud: That’s it.
Lou: That’s who?
Bud: Yes.
…
Lou: Look when you pay overtime for on call who get’s the money?
Bud: Every dime.
Lou: Look, I’m just trying to find out the fellow that’s on call?
Bud: Who.
Lou: Who gets the money …
Bud: Yes, every penny, although I think his wife spends most of it.
Lou: Who’s wife?
Bud: Yes.
…..
Bud: What’s wrong with that?
Lou: Look all I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on call?
Bud: No, he’s doing instance monitoring.
Lou: What?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Who’s doing instance monitoring?
Bud: No, Who’s on call. What’s doing instance monitoring.
Lou: I didn’t ask about instance monitoring. What’s the guy’s name on call?
Bud: No What is doing instance monitoring.
Lou: I’m not asking who’s on instance monitoring.
Bud: Who’s on call.
Lou: I don’t know.
Bud: He’s on backups, but we weren’t talking about him.
Lou: Now how did I get on backups?
Bud: You mentioned his name.
Lou: Who’s doing backups?
Bud: No, Who’s on call.
Lou: That’s what I’m trying to find out!
….
Lou: Let’s try this. You have a DBA working with the developers right?
Bud: Why.
Lou: I want to know who’s working with the developers.
Bud: Sometimes but right now he’s on call.
Lou: Sigh, right now I just want to know the name of the guy working with the developers.
Bud: Why.
Lou: Because.
Bud: Him too.
Lou: How about BI. You have someone doing BI right?
Bud: Tomorrow.
Lou: Why won’t you tell me today?
Bud: I just did!
Lou: Then go ahead.
Bud: Tomorrow!
Lou: What time?
Bud: What time what?
Lou: What time tomorrow are you going to tell me who’s doing BI?
Bud: Listen. Who’s on call .. it’s his turn .. stop trying to move him around.
Lou: You know what .. I don’t give a darn.
Bud: Actually he just retired.