At any rate, while my wife was agonizing over the varying
shades of pink napkins I was approached by a well-dressed Caucasian man in his
60’s who silently handed me a business card. The card indicated that he was
deaf and that he supported his family by selling the card in exchange for
donations. The card featured a set of praying hands and the words “God Bless
You All” on the front and a chart of the sign language alphabet on the back.

What struck me immediately was the quality of said card. It
featured embossed lettering and thick cardstock. My curiosity was immediately
peaked and I wanted to retain the card so that I could research the legitimacy
of his claim. This left me with two choices:

1.Give him
some money and possibly contribute to fraudulent panhandling.

2.Keep the
card, refuse to pay him, and take the chance of going to Hell for stealing from
the hearing impaired.

Always one to hedge my bets, I gave him a dollar and he
signed either “Thank You” or “Dumb Cracker” before walking away (I was unable
to decode his motions fast enough using the card I had just purchased). He
seemed to be operating alone, and since the deaf can legally drive I assumed he
provided his own transportation. I tried to keep track of him to see what kind
of vehicle he drove but I lost him near the felt section.

Once I got home, I Googled the phenomenon and apparently my
new friend was either legitimate or operating on the bleeding edge of auditory
scams because I could find no references to his modus operandi. It appears that
the most prevalent scams involving the deaf consist of a woman claiming to be a
single mother going house to house selling alphabet flash cards. It appears
that many of the hearing impaired carry business cards identifying themselves
as such but not in an attempt to generate revenue.

I must admit, the idea of handing someone a business card in
exchange for currency is somewhat enticing. I pondered which of my genetic
predispositions would generate the most sympathies and how best to monetize
them. Here are some ideas for my business cards:

Perhaps this man’s story was legitimate and my dollar helped
support a disadvantaged American struggling in these tough economic times.
Either way, he could greatly increase his profit margin by forgoing the raised
gold-leaf lettering and printing his cards on something other than Egyptian
papyrus stock, but then again people might not pay as much for it. If nothing
else, he probably has a future as a business card design consultant.