​Consent Culture Pledge

Working toward doing all the actions on the list below. If we find that we are unable to do them, we will remove our names from this pledge. When evidence is sent to this site that we have completed and integrated all the things below into our congregational culture, we understand that we will earn a badge that we can publish in our church publications, including websites. Signing below is a commitment that we are working on it.

[Note: This is a new idea and pledge and is a response to#metoo and this blog post. Please reserve the comments of this page for signing the pledge. To discuss this pledge, add resources and links, make suggestions, or join the organizing effort, please go to the Discussion of Pledge Page.]

Teaching about consent culture, including the guidelines below.

Be sure that waves are an option during the sharing of the peace. (See here for what's in the bulletin of one congreation.) People are asked before given hugs or even handshakes in most cases. Our bulletin says this already, and I say this every time before we share the peace so that it can truly be peace that is shared.

Children can have their own physical boundaries and have them honored, respected, and listened to. Stories as well as research show us that being able to say “NO” to hugging an adult at the age of 2 makes it easier to understand that NO has power and protects children later in life. Saying please and thank you are respectful and good manners, touching others when you do not want to is just harmful.

Children need to be asked before being tickled or picked up. If they say “no” respect their no. Adults will work together to hold one another accountable for this.

Adults who witness another adult touching a child without consent commits to doing this:

Kneeling down on the child’s level.

Asking the child if they liked being hugged/tickled/grabbed by Unintentional Offender.

If the child says yes, Witness will look at Unintentional Offered and say, “I know that they are ok with this, and we’re working on changing our culture. Please remember to ask next time. Thanks!”

If the child says no, Witness will say, “I’m sorry that they touched you without asking. Are you ok? Can I help? If this happens again, please let me know.” Witness will then look at Unintentional Offender and say, “Children in this congregation are in charge of their own bodies. Please work hard to remember to ask next time before you touch a child and wait for the child to say yes. I know this change is hard and will take a long time, please let me know if you need help understanding why this matters.”

At least two leaders from the congregation will attend sexual assault survivor advocacy training and learn all they can about rape culture and consent culture. The congregation values consent culture so highly that they will pay for this training and, if staff, will consider this time normal working hours, not vacation, time off, or continuing education. To explore resources about online and local trainings, check out RAINN. These will be designated “Consent Culture Safety Resource People.”

If someone touches a person in ways that make them uncomfortable, or if someone is not respecting a person’s no, this congregation commits to reporting it to the Consent Culture Safety Resource People who will work out a plan of action that keeps the person safe. For an example of a boundaries letter, check this out.

There is no tolerance for dismissing someone because of who they are, only their harmful behavior. It is encouraged that people speak up about their own behavioral boundaries for the ways others treat them, and those boundaries will be respected. The voice of those in the most marginalized community will be privileged.

Physical harm, bodily autonomy, and fear are valued over hurt feelings, and people speak up when they need to. Even if someone is reacting strongly because of things that have happened in their past, their boundaries and fears will be respected and honored.

​BY LISTING MY CONGREGATION BELOW, WE ARE COMMITTING TO WORKING ON CONSENT CULTURE USING THE ABOVE GUIDELINES.