Saturday, March 13, 2010

Silence Please...

I decided to venture from the book for a moment to share what I just wrote.

Three Sixty

I think about the last twenty-four hours and wonder why I did the things I did.

I wonder why I felt the need to completely hide myself from the world.

In my world of life, I felt the need to cut off everyone including people who love me?

Why?

Haven’t I suffered enough?

From the beginning until now I know I’ve made mistakes.

I know that I have hurt people.

I know that I have cheated.

I know that I have lived a double life.

I know that I have disrespected people.

I know that I have lied.

I know that I have purposely set out to destroy and won if only for one minute.

I know that I have used my body shamelessly.

I know that I have abused trust.

I know that I have forsaken the vows of marriage.

I know that I have abandoned all reasoning at times.

I know that I have broken laws.

I know that I have addictions I tried not to face.

I know that I have lost faith in God at times when I needed him the most.

I know that I have broken promises even if they are few.

I know that I have regrets about breaking the hearts of people who truly had my best interest at heart and loved me unconditionally.

I know I have not been the best daughter, sister, aunt, girlfriend, lover, employee, coworker, boss, godmother, companion, wife, mother, and Woman.

I also know that people are not perfect even the ones you want to be.

I have been abused by people who know better.

I have been neglected by people who were supposed to nurture me.

I have been hurt by people I thought were my friend.

I have been betrayed by people who I’ve loved and trusted.

I have been raped by men who could not control their lust and can’t take rejection.

I have been robbed by people who needed a new thrill.

I have been lied to my face without even a trace of guilt.

I have been lied on by hateful people who have nothing else to do but prove true that “Misery Enjoys Company.”

I have been misunderstood by people who haven’t taken the time to get to know me.

I have been mistrusted by people who had my complete loyalty.

I have been infected by the sins of Adam and Eve.

I have been taken advantage of by people who don’t know the meaning of friendship, love, trust, and respect.

I have been the unfortunate associate to perverts, criminals, betrayers, rapists, pedophiles, family, husbands, partners, haters, and the list goes on to include the seasons that have come in and out of my life that make up Imperfect People.

I also have come to realize that I am not the only one who has shared my experiences.

I am not the only one who has been abused.

I am not the only one who has been raped.

I am not the only one who has been betrayed by a friend.

I am not the only one who has regrets.

I am not the only one who has been disappointed in the people in their lives and the world around us.

I am not the only one who has done some dirt.

I am not the only one who has been infected by sin.

I am not the only one who has taken delight in hurting people.

I am not the only one who has broken someone’s trust.

I am not the only one who has cheated on their partner.

I am not the only who has been divorced three times.

I am not the only one who has caused and been in the middle of drama.

I am not the only one who suffers from guilt.

I am not the only one who has lived in denial.

I am not the only who worries about failing as a mother even though you know you were born to be one.

I am not the only one who has denied the true affections of my heart.

I am not the only one who has cursed God at the most vulnerable time in their life.

I am not the only one who has been stabbed in the back, lied on, hurt, disrespected, manipulated, misinterpreted, taken advantage of, victimized, depressed, and went to bed hoping I wouldn’t wake up to have to go another round.

In return I promise to love, honor, cherish, respect, appreciate, understand, believe, have faith, be loyal, make amends, and most of all Forgive myself for my mistakes and the mistakes that other people have made concerning Me.

I pray that those who have hurt, abused, violated, victimized, lied, cheated, stole, threatened, harassed, mislead, misunderstood, betrayed, raped, and almost destroyed my inner peace- intentionally- learn from their ill intentions and Repent.

Recognizing your faults is also part of the healing process and that's admirable for you to beable to do that. Change starts with self and you are clearly on your way. I love ur writing. Have a blessed Day!

About Me

I am a single mother of two year old twins.
I have had a lot of experiences in my 33 years of life that have impacted my life in a way that has made me who I am today. However, those experiences have also stumbled me from being the woman I can be.
I will not be a victim anymore! I am a mother, friend, businesswoman, and most of all a woman on a journey to recovery.
Through the book I am writing I hope to help others begin their journey to becoming who they have the potential to be. I hope that readers will be able to relate to some of the characters and will take the journey with them to helping themselves. More importantly, I hope that this book will be an outlet for those who are not ready to talk and the beginning process to their healing.