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An update to "unbearable guilt"

So here is an update on my little guy! He's doing much better and gaining weight since we have been supplementing! Met with his doctor and 2 ILBC's and confirmed that i do have a supply issue because of my PCOS. Prior to his birth i never had a thyroid problem and now i have hypothyroidism, and when doc ran a prolactin level on me it was very low. Still power pumping and giving him what BM i have. I tried the mother's milk tea but i developed a rash after drinking it. I read up on the ingredients and low and behold i have a mild peanut allergy (no fenugreek for me) and since i have a severe ragweed allergy (no milk thisle for me) go figure!!!! I am afraid to investigate anymore herbal supplements because of my allergies. But it is what it is! I've accepted my fate! The important thing is that he is ok! Thanks again for everyone's support! If anyone has any more tips it would be much appreciated! Going back to work full time in 2.5 weeks! BOOOO

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

Sorry you haven't had the success you want, mama. I know it can be so hard to make it work when there are real physical barriers to increasing supply. Redefining success is something a lot of moms have had to do- what is important that you feel comfortable with what you can give.

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

Thank you for the update, I am so glad to hear baby is doing well and you have answers now for what the issues are.
The only tips I have are-first and foremost, give yourself kudos for trusting your instincts and getting answers!

Also, Have you looked into domperidone? This is a prescription galactagogue, not herbal. Another is Reglan, but domperidone may have fewer/less severe side affects.
I do not know anything about hypothyroidism. Can it be treated?
Is baby able to nurse at the breast at all? and/or, would you like to nurse baby at the breast? If so, some moms with low supply find a lactation aid (at the breast supplementer) allows them to nurse baby at the breast and supplement simultaneously. You could use it for all supplements or just occasionally as you choose.
When bottle feeding, if you are not already doing so, you may want to try cue feeding and/or smaller, more frequent feedings, and paced bottle feeding. These techniques allow formula/bottle fed 'meals' to be more similar to breastfed 'meals' and are now often reccomended even for exclusively bottle/formula fed babies. You could also teach these ideas to baby's caregivers for when you are back to work. Again, you can use such ideas as much or as little as you choose.

Remember that every moment in your loving arms is beneficial for your baby. Mothering is about loving your baby and this is how a baby feels loved. What or how baby is fed is secondary to baby feeling secure in your love.

When you are back at work, your baby's caregivers can also provide safe loving arms for baby, but it may well be that baby is 'hungry' for YOU when you get home. This is fine, as you will be 'hungry' for baby as well. It is so hard when we are so busy and tired, but I suggest, Give yourself and baby time & space to reconnect when you get home each day. It is normal to feel apprehensive about returning to work and being separated from baby. Respect and honor these normal feelings! This shows how well you and baby have bonded.

Again I suggest the book Making More Milk and the website lowmilksupply.org I also think The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition)has a good chapter on handling separations.

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

That's great to hear your baby is doing so very well! Good for you for all of your efforts there. I like oatmeal, and it also seems to work well if you want to try that. Best wishes to you and yours mama!

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

Originally Posted by @llli*lllmeg

I do not know anything about hypothyroidism. Can it be treated?

Can be and should be. Usually it's as simple as taking replacement thyroid hormone, which is totally safe for breastfeeding because it's just replacing what your body should be making anyway. And the difference between untreated and treated states can be immense- I started taking levothyroxine for an underactuve thyroid just about a month and a half ago and I feel worlds better, both physically and psychologically.

Hyperthyroidism is a little more tricky because some of the medications which are used to slow down an overactive thyroid can impact the baby's production of thyroid hormone.

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

I have to echo what lllmeg said about reconnecting with baby when you get home from work each day. When I get home each day I make a beeline for my littlest LO and snuggle up on her right away!
BTW are you still nursing her or doing expressed milk and formula only? Direct nursing is better for supply versus pumping because baby is more efficient than a pump. IME, nursing is much more enjoyable and special than pumping and feeding also. Being a working OH mom, I especially value that time to reconnect and I hope you are able to do that, too.

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

nursing then doing the formula chaser! I usually do the formula when we are going to be out for a long time. I can't find too many places with nursing rooms except for the mall, and since he nurses for 1 full hour at a time, it's a little easier that way. I really don't want to have to sit on a toilet in a public bathroom for 1 hr, that's just gross and unsanitary. WE have a few areas to pump at my work. I'm an RN and i can bring my equipment to the hospital to pump. i don't know how it's going to work out, pumping at work, my patient's may not be that understanding that i need to pump. I'm lucky to get a lunch/pee break! We will see. I work 7am-7pm and i will be working 7-3 at the end of October. I start work again on the 10th. I still barely get anything with the pump about 1-1/2oz a day, with pumping every 2 hrs. He's been sleeping through the night 10pm-5-6am and I'm knocked out til he gets up. This has started this week! I'm just still very frustrated, I feel that after 10 weeks i still haven't bonded with him. Things have been rough since the day he was born. Minimal support, When i was pregnant i honestly never thought about breastfeeding and really didn't understand it, i found it to be a weird concept. I was asked by the LC at the hospital how i was going to feed him and i said i really never thought about it. After a bad delivery, Magnesium drip from preeclampsia for 24 hrs, I felt so awful i didn't even want to hold him and only did so for a few pictures. When they wanted me to try nursing him it just seemed to awkward and i was very uncomfortable with it, both physically and emotionally, and to top it off i was in severe pain from his birth, and the pain medicine really only took the edge off. I think i just had a horrible experience and things were not established properly.

Re: An update to "unbearable guilt"

Even a bad beginning doesn't mean all is lost. You must know by now that your breastmilk IS the best thing for him and that providing it for his is reducing his health risks at this very moment. Breastfeeding doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing. I encourage you to remember that when going back to work. Don't give up. And don't let work pressure prevent you from continuing to nurse while together and continuing to work to pump. Because you need the stimulation. If you honestly can't find more than once a day to pump in a 12hour shift I encourage you to look into pumping on the way to and from work. You can do this mama. And you should. Your baby deserves every drop of breastmilk you provide.