This boy needs a spanking

A California legislator who espouses family values apparently has gotten into hot water for getting caught on videotape bragging about sexual escapades with two lobbyists. Extramarital affairs by high-ranking politicians aren’t exactly news anymore, but there seems to be a bit of a conflict of interest in this one.

Republican Mike Duvall, a married father of two, resigned last week after the release of a tape in which he bragged to a colleague about carrying on two affairs at the same time, his spanking fetish, and sleeping with an energyindustry lobbyist who wore “eye-patch underwear.” Duvall issued a statement denying having the affairs.

Again, not much of an eyebrow-raiser in this day and age except for the small detail that Duvall was the vice chair and top Republican member of the Assembly Utilities Committee and was a member of the Assembly Rules Committee, the responsibilities of which include “overseeing lawmaker ethics and ensuring sexual harassment laws are followed within the Legislature,” according to the Associated Press.

We may be going out on a limb here, but do you think sleeping with an energy lobbyist when you’re a high-ranking member of a utilities committee might, at least subconsciously, make you more likely to vote in favor of pro-energy industry measures? We know if the person we were spanking wanted us to vote a certain way, it might be hard to say no. It’s been enough to launch an ethics probe, for lack of a better word.

Hermaphrodite fish

A study released this week shows that 70 percent of the male bass tested in a section of the Yampa River had eggs developing alongside their testicular organs, according to a Sept. 15 story in The Denver Post. Seventy percent. Wow. That’s, like, more than half.

Some researchers say they are worried that the “gender-bending” of the fish may be caused by endocrine-disrupter chemicals, which can be found in everything from birth control pills to detergents, the newspaper reported. Our first thought was, “Here’s hoping that this is an isolated case that affected only a small population of bass after a camper from Craig was leaning over the river washing her dishes when her birth control pills fell out of her front pocket and into the water.” But as it turns out, researchers examined several other rivers around the country, and found widespread feminization of fish. Studies of Boulder Creek’s fish found that the fish there had been feminized, too, probably as the result of hormonally active substances, including birth control pills, in the city’s wastewater. It’s enough to make any guy who drinks water do a quick feel inside his boxers.

Only one river system in the United States was found to have all-male males the Yukon Basin in Alaska. Sarah Palin country, where men are men and male fish are, too.

Bacteria among us

Scientists at the University of Colorado studied 50 showerheads that’s right, showerheads from nine U.S. cities, including Denver, and discovered that about 30 percent of those showerheads are home to bacteria that can make you sick. Oh, no!

Yes, it’s Public Health Scare No.

10,498,428 bacteria in your showerhead. Time to be afraid again.

Now, we at B-dub are not scientists, but we put our heads together and discovered other places in your home where you can expect to find bacteria. In the spirit of protecting public health, we’d like to share those with you. So here is a list (though not a comprehensive list):

Doorknobs, sink handles, the garbage disposal, the insides of shoes, the cat box, the inside bottom of the refrigerator, the tub, the sink, the laundry hamper, toothbrushes, dirty underwear, your leftovers from last week, the dog’s toys, the kids’ toys, the floor, old bottles of lotion, light switches, computer keyboards, the sex toys, bar soap and so on.

Astonishingly, 100 percent of toilets harbor bacteria, too, some of it pathogens commonly found in human feces.

Further tests may need to be done by Ph.D. scientists under strictly controlled conditions to determine why this is so.