Before I sat down to type this post, I have been writing it in my head for months now, maybe even for years… Quite possibly I might have started it, the moment I left my old office right before giving birth to Simon… After that day, December 30th, I have never returned to the office again, for four years, I kept working for another two years, but mostly from home… but now I am going back to work, full time, not from home as I did manage in the past, but back to an actual office, to an office life, to daily commute etc. It scares me but it also makes me excited.

You know Instagram? Yes, that app, where you spend hours looking at everyone's perfect images and wonder "how the heck did they manage to get them, did they hire a whole team of photographers or an entire special lighting crew? hair and makeup?" yeah that app... I know, because I often times wonder that very same thing. I am almost certain nobody thinks of my pictures in quite the superlatives, but I try my best there too, it is true for everyone, I think, we all put our best online, on Instagram, on Facebook, whichever, we do want to put the best picture to represent us well, I belive this is a quite natural instinct.

By all means, I am no picture expert, nor do I know much about photography, but since the season when we want to take the best family snaps is upon us, I thought it would be fun to discuss what works for me and what doesn't while family picture taking. Probably there is more of what doesn'ts, because taking a pic with two littles is never an easy task, and a lot of things don't work, but still I will try my best.

And here it is, Miss Fall, invited herself over after her friend, dear September unrolled its colorful glory. It brought the crispy air in the mornings and evenings, leaving it nice and toasty in between. The warming hues are starting to peek between the fading greenery, seasons are turning and I cannot believe it happened all this fast and I am here again, in September.

Summer moved ooooooooon... Whenever summer ends, I always have that song stuck in my head, you know the one that goes like:

"Summer moved on and the way it goes, you can't tag along" and then "seasons can't last and there's just one thing left to ask" with this longest consonant notes in history of all A-ha songs? Or Lana's del Ray? summertime sadness...?

I wrote this right after I came back, but it took me three weeks to put it together, oh life...

***

So we are home, today marks a week since we landed back on American soil, and I feel like I have never left. It feels like I haven’t been to Poland, or I have, but in a different life, in some altered dimension and for sure a thousand years ago. I would even say I was dreaming it, if it wasn’t for the fact that Simon’s polish really improved and he is still walking around building sentences and all, responding to me and such, or was is indeed magic!?

So yeah, that is how it usually feels, it seems like in the age of facetime and Dreamliners, that 6,000 miles is not really that big of a distance, the world is much smaller after all. But it does. I feel every mile of the distance and every hour of the time difference, each closing down the window of connection between the worlds. I think quite obviously the time and distance are the real reasons why it always feels like this, why it always feels like it didn’t happen, or happened in a different life, but it is just so surprising… every time it happens.

The dust has settled down, and we are settled in, trying to feel like home is home. Trying to adjust to the new normal that still feels out of ordinary. The new normal of being completely, utterly out of place. We are hoping that our new place will feel in place and like our place, sometime, soon, but probably later than sooner. Sadly I can keep going, oh brother, I won't...

Gosh is everyone hungry for spring as badly as I am? it seems like each years it gets more and more intense, this longing to be outside and actually enjoy it, to be warm and comfortable, to not regret one forgot gloves, or a hat or put on that third level coat on instead of the fashionable level one.

So I have been here almost four months, yup, quite officially, I have a Mass driving license and all. And yes people refer to Massachusetts as Mass, and for the record it is not a state, it is a commonwealth, what does that mean? I am not 100% positive, but it does sound quite noble and in a way almost altruistic, like we will all be taking care of our wealth here and sharing it and all...
I know, I probably should have googled it before mentioning it... but without any further do, here are some things I have noticed about the reality in this new common wealth of our being.

I cannot believe I have just typed this, six months? have passed? I could have sworn I was just in the hospital, that he is still brand new and smells like a newborn. But to be honest, I see him growing every day. Any day I put him down for a nap I take out a bigger, slightly chubbier baby, the wrinkly newborn features are long gone and we arrived at this glorious giant baby doll phase. He is smiling all the time, even when he is crabby and wants to cry, he pauses to smile, then goes back to screaming. He is a very social baby, will let anyone hold him and will smile at anyone, I sort of feel jealous, cause he is giving it all for free to anyone, nothing reserved for me, okay maybe the nighttime feedings. He only wants me and the tap.

Sooooo this post… well, I typed it and sat on it for a while. It is very personal and rather “nobody probably needs to know this”, but I needed to write it, so it can serve as a long term reminder for myself. Reminder of how much I under-appreciate things, how easy it is to lose everything, how much there is to loose, and how much I have to be grateful for. And I do need such reminder. Now that, I look at it with the perspective of time, I feel odd nostalgia over how beautifully and clearly these events made me see the world, at least for the time being. Ironically, they happened during one of the busiest, most crazy weeks, but instead of being overwhelmed, cranky or annoyed, that week I was just happy. Thus I wanted to type it and now I want to post it, just so it is there and I remember about it. So this is sort of my window to accountability, my reason to say it out loud: my life is pretty good as it is, it doesn’t suck, at all, and I need to say thank you to it a lot more than "give me more” type of stuff...

Because sometimes the bad things in life, open your eyes to things you took for granted before.

You know the phrase “I don’t have the time”? yeah that
one, the one you hear all the time? pun intended of course. The one I am guilty of… I know, you are probably too, but don’t worry, we
all use it and abuse it, to the point that it doesn’t even mean anything, whatsoever.

Once you think about it, what does it mean? really? “I don’t
have the time” we all have time, time is here, time is now, time is sort
of all. the. time. So isn’t it all about what we make of it? How we divide it
and organize it? We probably should use “I didn’t make the time for…” or “I made the time
for…” to be honest really.