The Indians have two pretty good candidates to helm the team next year, after firing Manny Acta with six games remaining. First, Sandy Alomar Jr., the bench coach who is acting as interim manager these last couple days—a beloved former Indian who was something of a field general dating back to his backstop days. Second, the very in-demand Terry Francona, whose stock has only risen as the Boston dumpster fire flared up even after he left. Alomar interviews Thursday, Francona on Friday.

There's a dark horse too, a former Indian who wasn't beloved, was never known for mental acumen or leadership, and who was more adept at antagonizing Cleveland fans than getting along with his teammates. Yes, Albert fucking Belle wants to lead the Tribe back to respectability.

"I'm just like Robin Ventura and Mike Matheny were last year," said Belle with a laugh, referring to the White Sox and Cardinals bosses. "I'm sitting on my couch waiting for my phone to ring."

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Aaaaah! Please make this happen. The Indians are irrelevant right now not because they're bad, but because they're boring. And what better draw than a manager who at any moment might assault an umpire, an opposing player, or his own player, and has zero coaching experience to boot? Dear Baseball Jesus, I don't ask you for much, but please let a bunt to break up a no-hitter escalate into Albert Belle and Jim Leyland throwing haymakers at each other.