Spoony Experiment: The Toilet Pizza

Cookiemonger and I have watched a bunch of Spoony’s videos together lately, and I wanted to go through and talk a little bit about the ones we’ve seen, and how they’ve effected our lives. ‘Cause, you know, we’re kind of weird like that. The first one I want to talk about is the tale of The Toilet Pizza.

Just in case you don’t plan on watching the video yourself, I’ll go ahead an summarize a bit of how the story goes. I came in partway into the video as CM was watching it (or maybe we were only listening to it? I don’t remember now…) so I technically missed the beginning. But you know, the beginning is only a small part of the story, “the setup.”

I imagine Spoony is working at this game shop, or at the very least spends a lot of time there, and if I remember correctly from the video, he’s young, probably a teenager. He talked about cleaning the bathroom at the shop, so I assume that means he worked there. He talked about the poor eating habits of gamers, which I can personally attest to — I remember that I ate lots of really bad food for a while.

So, there’s this pizza place close by, and even though there was a much better Chinese place, it was farther away. When you’re at the game table, you don’t really want to go too far, especially when things are getting tense. I missed the part where he said what game they were playing, but some of the details later gave me reason to assume it was Dungeons & Dragons.

Spoony talked about how awful the pizza was. “Peter Piper’s Pizza,” was the name of the place, and their pizza was so greasy, it stained the white tables they used for gaming a permanent shade of yellow. That’s through the plates they used, which absorbed so much grease they became transparent. (I mean they certainly became translucent at the very least. That’s how much grease we’re talking about.)

And so, one day, Spoony goes to use the bathroom, and he finds a pizza box wedged behind the toilet. How it got there, and how it eluded his attention before (considering how often he cleaned the bathroom) remain a mystery to this day, but that pizza box had been time-stamped upon the day of its creation. It was over a month old.

Curiosity being the beast it is, he felt compelled to open the box, to confirm for himself that the pizza had gone over to the Dark Side. He imagined it to be crawling with bugs, blue and black (possibly green and white) with mold, and to be foul-smelling, at the very least. When he opened the box, this proved not to be the case.

Instead, the pizza had taken on a shiny appearance, apparently having been perfectly preserved by the grease content. Spoony said it looked “good enough to eat.” He was imagining all the possible explanations for how it might have stayed so well-preserved, until the point where he said “the evil thoughts began.”

Why yes, the pizza did look good enough to eat, shoulder devil said.

To get the rest of the story, you should really head over and watch the video for yourself, because it wouldn’t be fair to tell the ending of his story here. Let’s just say that he still feels really bad about what happened, and has never done anything like that again. I won’t repeat the ending here, but CM and I have shared it with friends.

And I think it’s part of this feeling of camaraderie that CM and I feel for Spoony. I mean, I’ve gamed at a lot of conventions, and met people just like him, and CM has been following him for such a long time that he feels like an old friend. Spoony is at least part of the reason CM wants to become a video reviewer (for games and films and such), and he lives near her hometown in Arizona.

If you enjoyed the part of the story I’ve shared here, give his video a shot. He’s a fun storyteller, and his tangents add a lot to the content of his stories.