MINOR IRRITATIONS OF LIFE – THEY ALL ADD UP

This is pretty awkard isn’t it? You visit a mates house for a nice, relaxing afternoon that incorporates Fifa 12, Jeff Stelling and several gallons of beer and yet your over-riding memory of the whole day will be hearing his missus taking a leak.

She was due to go out of course, but by the time I arrived she was running late. We went into the living room – she went into the bathroom. The bathroom is next to the living room. The walls are paper-thin. And then, as we sit on the sofa we both hear an unmistakeable gushing sound from the toilet. Urine pouring into the toilet bowl. It’s not me and it’s not him – we’re both here, in the lounge. It’s the girlfirend. And now I know how powerful her stream is.