John Gray: Time to check the mail

With all this cold January weather I've been remiss in getting out to my fictional mailbox to see what's on your mind of late. So without further ado why don't we tear open some of your correspondence and answer the questions I know you want answered but are too lazy to ask.

n Sam in Saratoga kicks us off, "Dear John I've been fascinated by this Notre Dame Football player with the fake girlfriend. Do you have any tips for me since I talk to women on the internet all the time."

Well Sam my only advice would be to pay attention to the details in what the other person is saying and watch out for red flags. Example if think you're talking to a 22-year-old beauty queen named Tiffany and you say to her, "I enjoyed Lincoln (meaning the movie) and she says Yes I met him once, he's very nice." Chances are she's not 22. I hope this helps.

n Rhonda in Ravena has an interesting question, "Since you work on TV and talk in front of large groups of people I'm curious what you thought about Beyonce lip synching the National Anthem at the inauguration?"

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I think I can help you Rhonda. (Sorry I couldn't resist) I believe if you're asked to sing at a big event you have to, in the words of my good friend Bill O'Reilly, "Do it live." That said I am a huge Beyonce fan and felt terrible about how badly she got skewered by the media and public. It's not like she pulled a Rosanne on us. That said, to show my support for her, I plan to lip synch the news on April 1st. And if you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.

n Tom in Ticonderoga has a food question, "Dear Mr. Gray. I recently heard that there was going to be a chicken wing shortage on Super Bowl Sunday. I can't cheer on my Jets and Sanchez without my wings."

First off Tom I'm pretty sure your Jets landed a little short of the runway this year. Now let's talk turkey, or chicken. I can accurately predict that there will be a chicken wing shortage at any party I'm inviting to because Super Bowl Sunday is the one day a year where I go hog wild on the bad food. I would never accuse someone in the business world of lying to us just to cause "panic buying" but this shortage thing does sound awfully familiar. Every year we hear about a wing shortage for the Super Bowl, a pumpkin shortage for Halloween and a cranberry shortage for Thanksgiving. In other words I'm calling baloney on this one Tommy boy.

n Esther in East Greenbush has money on her mind, "John did you hear that the governor wants to make it harder to plea bargain down your speeding tickets. Is this fair?"

The short answer is yes. If the governor was here right now and he heard you complaining he'd pat you on the head and say, "Then don't speed Esther darling." And he's right. But they should change the name "traffic stop" to "money stop" because, trust me, that's what you'll be throwing out the window if you make a mistake and the cops catch you these days. Go sit in traffic court some weeknight and you'll be stunned at the parade of poor slobs who slosh before the judge, head down, checkbooks in hand. My advice Esther, slow down.

n We're almost out of time so let's end with a relationship question from Ricky in Ravena, "Gray you know those little ketchup packets they give you at the fast food restaurant. I like to save the extra packets, just in case, but my wife insists we throw them away. Who is right?"

I have to side with you Ricky but not for the reason you think. People save them in case they ever get stuck with naked French fries but one of those tiny fancy ketchup packets saved my life. I was sitting at my desk at work with a terrible headache and two Tylenol but no water to wash them down. Before passing out from the pain I opened my drawer and saw an old ketchup packet. To the horror of my co-workers I tore it open and squirted the ketchup into my mouth with the pills. Cringe all you want but I was able to swallow them with one gulp and they tasted yummy. Headache gone. Gray's advice -- if you don't have Aquafina, reach for the Heinz.