16.10.02

I'd like to admit two revelations i had last night:1. i want to get my lip pierced.2. i want a tattoo.

There reasons I haven't done either of the above are numerous, but I know the prevailing reason is Fear. That's right. Capital F.

I remember being about 12 years old at a mall with friends. There was a fiery red haired woman with the coolest boots I'd ever seen. She was fluid in movement and her voice boomed. I coveted those boots. Then, my eyes found their way to her mouth -- that source of force and confidence. In her lip was a slice of silver. I fell in love with her then. I also knew right at that moment that I, too, would have silver at my source.

Tatoos are a different story. Growing up in a working class/poor neighborhood, tattoos were an every day occurence. Just across the street from us lived John O, a tattoo artist who worked at the Roadhouse (yes, that was its name). My sister, being much more daring than I ever was, would do odd jobs around John O's house in exchange for tats. She has about seven, including a vine snaking up her side complete with tiny fairies. The first tattoo I wanted was a fairy in a teardrop shape. Now what I want is much more spiritual and connected to the person I am. Both my sisters are tattooed, but i am still harboring Fear.

Fear. Of pain, of social discrimination, of work discrimination, of infection, of pain of pain of pain.And aren't I too old? I'll be 26 this year. The last person I knew with a lip piercing was 17. I feel too old.

But.

I have made a resolution. I will decorate my body anyway I see fit too. I will conquer my fears one step at a time.

I have decided.

I will get my lip pierced as a reward when i reach my goal weight. If between now and then I decide it isn't something I really want, then I'll abort mission.

I will get my first tattoo on my 30th birthday. Again, that leaves me more than enough to time to be sure it is something I truly want and not one of those "If I were a different person with a different life I'd..." type situations.