just want to cry.....

Hi all... this it not baby related all infact its regarding my 4yr old son.. hubby is uni so im really stressed..

My sister in law n her three kids live with us. n i get on quite well with her, her 2nd daughter n my son r 9months apart so they play/ fight together quite alot... her daughter is quite naughty yet she fails to see that.. n my son has a habbit of hitting..

i have watched countless supernanny type programmes n hubby n I r quite strict in terms of discipline.. shes not soo strict.. i dnt knw wat happened earlier but her daughter was cryin n apparently my son hit her. she yelled at my son like there was no tomorrow. i bought him upstair n asked him n he said she hit him first.. so after seein months n months of this i went down n confronted her, that she way out of order etc etc..

i feel bad for having a go at her but her duaghter is no saint. she thinks her daughter is the best in the world! n she must have done something first to triger it.

but the problem stil remains.. my son hits.. he wil be starting school soon n i dnt want this to be a problem for him when he starts.. i just dnt knw what to do ive tried everythin nothing works....

What you will need to do is to tell the teacher as if the teacher knows that the parent believes that the behaviour is wrong it will get you off to the best start. The teacher will then monitor their behaviour. If the behaviour continues your teacher can put them on a SEAL course ( social, emotional, aspects of learning) it will teach the kids how to interact with the other kids in the classroom in a very positive way. Your sons emotions are fairly high and probably doesn't know how to ask in a positive manner. The because your child has not interacted with different children he probably hasn't fully understood the concept of sharing but once he starts school he will learn as he will be interacting with children on a daily basis. I wouldn't worry too much as it's all part of his learning and development.

when you say you've tried everything that does that include?↲
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Star chart, penny jar, loss of treats, time out placing (chair or step or room).↲
It is also important to praise normal good behaviour. A child is never naughty it's their behaviour thats naughty and unacceptable and its important that this is put across to the child in this way otherwise the child becomes labelled.↲
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Really hope you find something that works for you. However your sil needs to be "singing from the same songsheet" and ensuring she follows a similar line of parenting to you or your son will not be able to understand and feel resentment.↲
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I completely sympathise with you on this one my 3 year old was so bad a smacking that I was too embarrassed to go out! I decided to send him to nursery because I was working and I was so worried he would hit the other children, but he's been there since January and his hitting has reduced so much ithas nearly stopped. They have never mentioned it at nursery, so eitherhe doesn't do it there or they deal with it.

As for your sister, I would suggest that you talk to her and explain that his hitting seems to become worse when an issue is made out of it and dealing with itcalmly is what you want for your son. Everyone deals with things differently but he's your child and you have a right to decide how his behaviour is dealt with.

Hi emma,
When hes at nursery hes very well behaved n I never any complaints. If anythimg the teachers compliment how well mannered n confident he is. I told the teacher this is the beginning of the year that this might be problem and they said theyd keep a look out. N no complains so far. I have a good reltionship with his teacher. He was always good at sharing too bcos I think that was bcos I used to encourage him to share. Her kids hide their toys in their rooms n she doesnt encourage them to share. Hes picking up those habbits.

Hi carleen.
Im not the one to smack so yes ive tried all the star charts naughty steps etc etc. recently I startd to not give him any warnings n he had to go his room a form of time out bcos hes knws what hes doing is wrong. But many times iv supervised them n4/5 times it thier fault I.e snatchin a toy etc.. Stil not defending my son bcos his reaction wud b to hit n that wrong bit she wud never tell her daughter off for snatching it wud just my son who wud b told off... Which adds to his frustration...

N no her parentimg style is totaly oposite to mine... N the reason y stoppred doih star charts.etc was.bcos they all.wantd to be on it to get the treats n I was Always paying for them... She never reinforced what I was doing which had a positive outcome, i.e better behaved children

But the gud news is that where moving to bristol next month so I outa this crazy house! But I felt really for having a go at her. Happened infront of the children too. We cud have spokem calmy but it was a full blown argument:nt

maybe you can come up with some sort of reward/discipline chart that is the same as you sil? so both children have the same rewards and punishments for the similar behaviour.

things like, marbles in a jar, and once you get 10 marbles you get a treat. or maybe, for your son you could have something boyish that hes into like a pirate chart, and tyen for your niece a more girly one, like a princess, and everytime they do something good they climb a ladder/go down if they do something bad and once at the top they get a reward. i think you should talk to your sil in what she considers to be good and bad behaviour so there are clear boundaries, so the children dont get mixed messages.

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