I like what you have going here. Certainly has a feel that I am typically drawn to. My only concern is that the track runs longer than needed. It is very similar with some minor differences for 3 passes (at least that I can hear from a first impression). You can prob end it around 5:20ish and call it a day. Or... you can add some new twists and turns in the 3rd verse. You do already to a degree, but they are not impactful enough imo.