Spring is in the air, which means it's time for Glamour to "interview" "guys" about "sex." Here's what the ladymag's sample of really real dudes really said about porn and "fun bits."

A staple of the "guys talk about sex" article is the claim that men love porn ... but not as much as they love you! Glamour's version: "the only thing porn girls have over you is a willingness to have their fun bits examined in good light" (apparently one thing Glamour has over me is its willingness to describe vaginas as "fun bits"). Also, here's how to fuck like a porn star: "express the joy you're experiencing — that will help us understand what you want more of." Oh, and what guys think during sex: "Is she OK? Is she OK now?" Yes, men are all saintly sexual altruists who just want you to show them your joy. Sure, guys are almost certainly less obsessed with bodily perfection than women's insecurities would suggest, but this message isn't all that effective when delivered (from behind a "real guy" mask of course) by a magazine responsible for perpetuating these insecurities. For instance: "If you would like your body to seem cuter to him, use it to have sex with him more. It's up to you: how cute do you want to be?" Come on out, Glamour, we know you're in there.