10 comments:

Ces, don't you know that by attempting to use the sexually charged word "freaking" in a family newspaper, you encourage the young people of today to engage in "freak dancing", which all reputable scientists believe inevitably leads to chlamydia and insanity?

I have to say that the copy editor in me approves of the commas around "like".

In the original, Ted was actually all whacked up on goofballs. In the published version, his mirth is brought about by the knowledge that he stocked all of those items immediatetely after scratching his own ass, thereby effectively assing every customer in the store.

Good job ripping him a new one on the lack of commas. That was the first thing I noticed, too.

Be content, FM, on the relative lack of other meddling. Flippin' for freaking isn't a bad swap. Gary Larson got read the riot act on using "dork" because some bonehead editor thought it meant whale dong.

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Pens the comic strips Sally Forth and Medium Large. Writes for The Onion News Network. Serves as head writer for the PBS series SeeMore's Playhouse (for which his script won two regional Emmys). Was afraid of the color yellow until about age nine. Tans a little too well to be trusted by security.

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A simple grilled cheese sandwich. Something that can be procured anywhere at any time. Nothing too exciting, right?

But what if I put a little butter on the bread before I grilled that sandwich? That would add a little extra zing, right? And what if instead of using plain old American cheese I opted for something a tad more exotic, like Camembert, Stilton or Roquefort? Now we're talking, right?

And what if instead of using bread for my grilled cheese sandwich I used two large blocks of pure platinum? And what if instead of eating the platinum I sold it and then used that small fortune as venture capital for a Beijing-based conglomerate that could take advantage of Chinese local business incentives, cheap labor, lax environmental laws and surging global interest in the fastest-growing economy in the world, thereby ensuring returns in the billions of dollars even in the face of a collapsing U.S. dollar and a massive industrial shift from the technical to service business sector? Wouldn't that be nice?

That's exactly what Francesco Explains It All is. In an endless buffet of indistinguishable tastes, it's the grilled platinum Stilton cheese sandwich that could forever destabilize geoeconomics. Care for a bite?