There is no known cure or antidote for Fred Goodwin Swine Fever at the moment

Like a swine in the trough, Sir Fred Goodwin who stole a £750,000 per annum pension fund after ruining the bank, was today seen guzzling endless glasses of champagne on his private yacht which is moored off the luxury seaside resort of Acapulco.

According to newspaper reports emanating from Mexico everyone is now talking about the ‘swine levels’ reaching epidemic levels.

“As soon as Sir Fred the Shred swined into Acapulco, everyone knew there was a serious threat of ‘swine fever’. This guy can outswine a member of the Labour cabinet and still go for a second-home expense account pig-out session without balking. What’s more it’s bloody contagious, even this morning at the breakfast buffet I found myself stuffing everything I could find into my pockets a la John Prescott and I even filled up about four plates of food which I pigged out on like a crazed hog ,” David Sinclair, a cruise ship passenger told the Acapulco Daily.

“Not Kosher”

Rabbi Mosher Pretzel, a prominent member of the North London Jewish community who hails from Golders Green was on holiday with his wife, Golda and was incensed about Sir Fred Goodwin’s porky credentials: “I paid a lot of money for this cruise and then the dirty swine Goodwin turned up and spoilt everything. We can’t even come on deck because we see that smarmy swine grinning as he plays with his ill gotten gains on the deck of his ship. It’s like he’s flaunting it. Counting his shekels in front of us like that. It’s not kosher I tell you. He should give some to me and my wife. We have been confined in our room all day and night for two weeks!”

Fred Goodwin’s ‘swine fever’ has swept the whole of Mexico now and is even threatening some parts of Southern California and Texas.

Containment measures are now being made to thwart the spread of Fred Goodwin’s unholy swine ways.

“The world is already in enough pig shit at the moment without more people contracting Fred Goodwin Swine Fever. The filthy greedy pig has caused enough damage don’t you think?” another distraught cruise ship passenger said, before stealing an old woman’s purse and running off squealing like a delighted pig.

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