Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Rumor Has It...

...That big booty Beyoncé Knowles and her music mogul huzband Jay-Z are snatching up a contemporary country crib in the unlikely town of New Ringgold, PA, a bucolic community two hours west of New York City better known for its sagging mining economy than its celebrity residents.

The Grammy winning superstars are allegedly purchasing 210 acres of gently rolling countryside that includes frontage on the trout stocked Little Schuylkill river and a sprawling 16,000 square foot steel, wood, concrete and glass residence. According to listing information for the property there are 4 bedrooms, 5 full and 3 half poopers, 3 or more fireplaces, a 4-car garage, a vintage 8-bedroom Sears house, a one bedroom guest house, and a restored bank barn. What Juju and JayJay, a coupla big city people, might want with a damn bank barn is beyond Your Mama's boozy woozy brain to figure out. But then again, who are we to question or understand the wacky real estate ways of the rich and famous?

Although unconfirmed rumors persist that the luxe-livin' couple who often scoot around in the back seat of a chauffeur driven Maybach have been spotted in the New Ringold area at places like Heiser's Cloverleaf Dairy and Boyer's supermarket, an Associated Press report on PhillyBurbs.com says, "No deed has been recorded in the courthouse, no real estate transfer tax has been paid, and the celebs have yet to request a showing, according to the real estate agent listing the house."

First of all, does Beyoncé really go to the market herself? Take a moment, children, to imagine Beyoncé in the frozen damn foods aisle in a pair of $73,000 shooz trying to make a decision about what Lean Cuisine to buy. Secondly, our own peep and poke around the property records didn't turn up any record of any kind of transaction either so make of this real estate rumor what you will.

You will recall of course Alex Baldwin and Kim Basinger's move to Springfield where they employed Homer Simpson as a stoop and fetch it for them. Altho sworn to secrecy he blabbed and everything fell apart. Whether that was the beginning of their personal difficulties I wouldn't venture to guess.

While I can't imagine Bouncy doing her own food shopping, the house is beautiful, and the area is out in the country but not really that far from civilization, which makes it a perfect weekend get-away.

Sounds a lot like someone getting a great deal of free advertisement for a property they want to unload. These two are far too private to have a damn news crew giving tours of their house to be. Kudos to the realtor who cooked up the story though!

Well, if you watched Beyonce's dreadful new video "Why Don't You Love Me," she'd have you believe that she goes to the market for groceries, and actually cleans too! ;-)

This place wouldn't do it for me, but maybe they want a place in an area (state) they are familiar with, although it would do nothing for me. I can't picture them spending much time there, unless they need peace and quiet in order to try for kids! Now THAT'S an idea!

This makes total sense. Eastern PA is becoming a bedroom community for NYC commuters. And when you have the funds for your own helicopter, the commute becomes less of an issue. Given their obsessiveness for privacy, PA is probably as far from the paparazzi as they can get and will be perfect for when the BAYYYBEEE comes!

Simple--can you say, "Publicity Stunt." The listing agent just used the fact that they did show the house to the couple, but they did not want it---thus, take the opportunity to get free publicity for the property. Genius, but very whorish. Some people lack tack or respect for others. Tsk-tsk. It was all leaked just for that reason.