Nowhere Land

It’s not long ago that I changed my work patterns to three full days a week, instead 5 half days, mornings. But it didn’t work out. The intention had been to concentrate on my therapeutic career on Thursdays and Fridays. Not only did that lead to my department having to cope without my presence on those days, but I did not really feel I was doing more in terms of therapeutic work and networking. I felt rather lonesome and lost, but most of all: useless. It was not all bad, as I used those days to meet friends I could normally not easily meet and other things. But basically, it didn’t work. I found it very difficult to be in my admin job whole days. Anyway – from 25th Nov I’ll go back to 5 half days, mornings, with 2 additional hours weekly, which I got when I changed to 3 full days. It was good to give it a go, and it brought me a little more income, as well as awareness of where I want to go.

I’ve also been applying for full-time jobs in admin, because I felt I needed more income, and because I thought I could make better use of my people skills and have them earn money for me, rather than keeping trying to earn more with my therapy. There is this training called “Springboard” at the University of Oxford, which is only for women. It made me realise that I might be up a blind alley thinking my therapeutic work will pay the bills soon. The situation is: We’re struggling, my husband and I, financially. I’m not able to support my 1st daughter enough, financially, although, legally I’m obligated to give her six times as much as I do now, which gives me a constant sense of owing her.

Anyway – I am not successful with my applications. What’s going on?

Handing in my applications, I also put a request in with the Universe to not give me a full-time job, if it wants me to keep having time for my therapeutic work. So, I should not be taking this personally (the rejections), but I should be grateful for the hint.

So, basically, what I’m trying to say, is that I’m trying to find the right path, doing this and that to figure it all out. I feel like being in Nowhere Land, or floating in open space, not knowing which direction to take.

When I wrote the title of this post, I realised, that No-where Land could also be read as Now-here Land. That actually amazes me. I immediately felt more positive about being in that place. Both might be the same anyway. It just means I’m here now but not quite sure where. It is sometimes really difficult to stay in that place and hold still. The universe might just be preparing everything for me to move on.

Last weekend my husband and I put a conscious request to the Universe, asking for financial abundance. We did this in a group workshop in a lovely ritual in the woods, using a home made talisman with ingredients from the forest, burning it in the fire and sending it off into the sky, wishing it well.

So, watch this space, people. Energy follows intention. I might be ‘ending up’ quitting my admin job altogether and being really busy supporting others to find their place on this beautiful planet (and being paid for my work).