Saurabh Kumar

How can you wait for someone
For so long to make eternity blush
How could you sacrifice this much
For even the gods to come cry
How can you do so much for me
For this good for nothing delinquent
How can I even say I deserve you
For I am the one at the far end
How long can I keep you strangled
For my words are deep inside
How long could you be so ignorant
For I am not the lost one you found
How much could you love someone
For even dying in the end is happy
How hard could it be to be with me
For I am the one who's dragging you
How strange could it be for anyone
To observe this melancholic battle
What did I ever do to deserve you
Maybe the gods above are mistaken

Starting from the top
Where I was?
Again as I fall
I threw up on the wall
You were there too
Suffering the same fate
Couldn't even blame
We are both the same
So tell me, how do you feel
Does it hurt the same
What's is your head
In the the parade of falling race
Your voice is disappearing too
Couldn't keep up, did you too?
What facade is it, any end to it
Will I ever stop falling
If at I will?
I'm afraid for you too
Since my fault is all this
Guilty I was and told you
To accompany me.

I've got a place inside my head
Where all my dreams are dead
I've got a string of thoughts inside
Where dead ambitions reside
I've got a mail box deep inside
Where what I keep I never find
I've got room with blood inside
Where I go when I want to hide
I've got a panic hotel in too
Where everything is without a clue
I've got a graveyard filled with dust
Where going everyday is must

With a violin in my hand,
I'll look up to the sky,
For one last time, to make sure,
That abyss is still here,
I'll bring my black suit too,
And sing a requiem for you.
Remembering memories of you,
To bid you farewell.
With a glass of vine in my hand,
I'll whisper in your ears,
If you could still hear,
While I'll smoke my tears away.
When the birds will flock away,
I'll sing a requiem for you again,
To bid you farewell.
It's raining for a reason today,
I'm still awaiting for the sunrise,
You said it'll come soon. You lied.
I'll sit on my chair and sing a requiem,
To bid you farewell.

I see the falling Angels,
I see them in the sky.
So happy shouldn't they be,
I see that they too cry.
Destiny is cruel embodiment,
And I didn't have a clue.
If I'm gonna give up soon
Let me make it through.
I see them all the numbers,
I see them on the clouds.
I see the fading memories,
I see the people bow.
Hypocrites aren't we all,
Chasing something naive.
We say we all are different,
Still we want to chase the crowd.
Will they cry if I leave them now,
Will they even realise.
I'm crying for something unreal,
Something must be in my eyes.
I've seen it over all again,
More than twice or thrice.
These words are gonna fade away,
But still I might just try.

Holding a harp in her hands
She played like an angel
Something in her mind that reminds
There's a place she want to be.
Nonetheless, I'll pass it all
It's no time to worry about things.
For its the time I see her close
Like a moon behind the clouds
So far, still close, nothing gained
Nothing lost. Here we are in disguise
Escaping all ordeals of world.
If it is that I'm dreaming, then,
Don't bother to wake me up.

Even a violent plague,
Can hide salvation
A mother who's prayers
Got late, for the one,
who never saw the sun.
Where lost were the saviours
While the thieves were left
To burn?
Starving to death, for there's
No one to snatch the food from.
Laughing in prison were the people, even god didn't care for.
After all this time, I'm sure
That its all lies.
What's written on the walls
As we walk with these blind eyes.
Down in the woods there's a landslide approaching.
But we will survive for there's
A hope that reached me in time.
We will face the odds all again
And will run to the fear we run from.

So here's a story of everything
We'll ever be.
Some can hide, and pretend while
Others can never leave.
And If you say I'm the same, I
Won't disagree.
I have been trapped in this room
Without a key.
Can you hear the screaming all
I can say.
Or would you pretend there's nothing we can change.
There's one thing I'll ask, promise
Me if I stay.
Tear down all the pieces of paper
That I've made.
Lying to each other, that's one thing I've learnt.
Everyone is sad here, everyone
Is burnt.
You also have a story, you want
Me to complete.
But sorry again my love, I'm already dead of my conceit.

Do you ever feel, like a stone?
Wanna sink here on your own?
Roll the chapters of your story,
And burn it in the storms?
You're alone, in a race, that
Either you can face,
Or leave it deep inside.
Let's open up our eyes.
Ignorance is a bliss, they say
To avoid the truth. Inevitable,
it rests inside, to open up your eye.
What's wrong? My words will not break
Unheard of what is dead?
Stitching every sin, I'll carry on my will
To make you look inside,
And see what you still need.
Something of your own, I'll carry on.
To lighten your dark way, I was
Born to die instead, a meaning to discern.
I'll carry on. For cemetery's the brightest
Place, of all. Thousand words remain unsaid cause no one lis...

The moment it started, I knew
It was bound to end, cause
You couldn't make people to stay.
My perceptual expectations made
Me see things, only delusional,
Fake, mistaken and glee.
But do I regret, do I feel bad
For all the good things we ever had
The little dreams, ecstasy of laughter.
Why? We keep chasing each other
Revolving like the planets,
It's certain you too want it,
Then why did you too join, the
Club, where people go people come right.
If only I had courage, you
Weren't confused, everything might
Be a tale in decked muse.
I knew it was the end, before she said
But something pushed me take a chance

Standing with her friends, She was
Talking to someone. That's the first
Time, I thought I met her.
I couldn't start the talking, and boy
I do regret, for it took me another
Year to be an acquaintance to her.
She accepted my for what I am
Validated me with the smile of her.
I knew I wouldn't keep up the pace
So she waited for me, I couldn't
Say something to her.....
I'm happy to be in her crowd,
Insignificant still I'm gratified
For I got a chance to be with her.

My friends think I'm so done.
For each of I am a different person.
I can't show them, but still it burns,
Can't take their staring ya.
My blood doesn't flow it runs,
Playing with skeletons for fun.
Breaking, jumping, they'll learn,
That I am not normal ya.
I'll peel off the stitches off my face.
Play around with ghosts at my base.
I just enjoy this, this rushing fear.
Normal is what I don't wanna hear.
Crazy, maybe I am mad,Probably
the only psycho Friend you'll have.
Don't bother to ask me, if I'm alone.
And ask me if something's wrong.
I don't dream, cause it is a killer
The only butterfly that still is
Caterpillar.

You asked me why did I cry?
What about the ocean in your eyes?
I can tell something's not right
By the pain of your broken lies
All the pain all the scars
Have made you cold.
I can see the things you've faced
Like a storm that never goes away
Just forget all the lies that
You have been told
Sadness, agony and broken dreams
Things you regret, for what you
Cannot be. Let me hold you when you
Come undone.
So next time when you take a fall
Remember that I can see it all
I'll take your place until
You're whole again, the same.

It's a truth that no one
Wants war
Words got lost, people
Kept crying
It's a strange feeling
When you know you're dying
Can't keep it inside
The Pain just grows.
The weapons are not I'm
Afraid anymore,but people
Are ,they scare me to bone
How could you kill someone
Just for your own perception?
A false one that, you tormented.
What dignity is of use then
What the god told you?
What should you do?
Everything might get change,
If god comes crying, save my soul.
If he exclaimed.
My veins are blocked by
The innocent blood you've
Fed me. It's just enough,
Don't make me cough your blood...

Are you saying, where's
The shame?
And how can't I find
Whom to blame?
An innocent child if I could
Say it all, with remaining
Pride I crave. A little child
With a thorn in his heart
How many times did you told
Me to keep, falling again
And again and turn it all around
Pain, hate, sorrow are small
Words for the things
You made me to go through
What kind of person are you
If you say so, human?
False dream you gave me
What to expect?
I'm not the one to blame
And I won't be the one to be
Ashamed.

It's valentine, they say,
Find someone to be with
But I deny, I'm so cluttered
In my own will. People
Are complicated, should we be
Chasing them? While me, I'm
A treasure, for myself who can
Unleash itself.
You have to give you time, your
Love, energy and brain...
For someone with whom you want
To be, for them to change...
Why then ignore the love you have
To give yourself,
For bridges are made to break
But stones adhere, near the river
There are floating dreams
Some are mine, while some are
Still searching for "someone"
Like me.
Let me live my life for me
For there is one given, maybe
I'll see you next time, if
I get a chance to run.

Smile she said if you
Can't laugh
Walk she said if you
Can't run
Hide she said if you
Are undone
Swim she said if you
Can't dive
Scream she said if you
Can't cry
Hum she said if you
Can't sing
Try she said if you
Can't win
Enjoy she said if you
Can't dance
Just love she said if you
Know no romance
Survive she said if you
Can't thrive
Live for me if you
Can't die
Wait for spring if you
Rewind
Remember me if you can
Fine,
We'll meet someday
At your treeline

Every day, every day follow back
Stretching wide, stretching wide,
Fall apart. Mumbling, whispering
So you can't hear me and
Take me back, take me back to
Who we are. Dream it is, why I care,
Reality is haunting, so what's wrong
If I can stay alone, stay alone
Happily in the dark. Trying to find
The meaning behind all this.
Ghosts around roaming down with
Me. The stage is clear but why it's so
Dark. I can see everyone but can they,
See through me, if they say I exist.
Irony, if I say, take me back?
This road supposed to be less taken,
Then why's everyone here now.
Maybe they lied to me, all along,
All along to to kill my heed somehow.

Curtain rises. The show
Begins. Tied to the strings
All we made to move in.
Think we have free will,
We, think we are unique
What if I tell you it's what
They planned you to be.
Puppet master is, acting in
Disguise. Trying make you
Believe, you have eyes.
We ain't going nowhere
We are all still. What makes
You think you've your own will?
Curtain is falling now, the
Show's over. The fare is closing
Now, time to get sober
We see puppets here and there
Lying. Haunting is the reality
But, we are still trying.
Strings we can't break cause
Our will is bound.
No turning around possible
As this stage is round.
Puppets we are truly, isn't that so?
What makes you think you're
Different though?

Castle, skies, buildings
Let's jump, out of the, window
Scattered thoughts chirping,
In a, lump
Empty glass is half or is it
Half full, still there's water
In there, so why should I care?
People, funny, sad, angry
Why should I bother? If the
Ones that keep me happy
Are few.
They say, I don't rhyme well
Should I? its enough. I just
Have to write this letter
To show myself, not bluff.
Anger, sorrow, pity, had enough
Now I'm roaming free here
Chasing all the dust.
If you don't know what I'm,
Talking, then I guess, its ok
Bleeding words are not,
Meant for sympathy I guess.

Killed all my rising dream
People asked what's wrong with me
I told them all, the stories unfold
Confusion staggering, failed empathies
And they couldn't hear my plea.
C'mon c'mon they said, let me in
I'll give you a suggestion for all the things
You folks are wrong, there's nothing that's
Gone, I've got a light I've to take care
She was growing so I had to meld
Everything I can give that she can tell
But something broke inside, and i didn't
Even care, cause you were never meant
To fix myself.
I changed a little bit, and that made you cry
But I couldn't care less cause I knew I was a lier
I'm sorry daughter but your father's
Not the same. You can look into my eyes
And pretend that I can ch...

A billion words in dictionary,
How could I'm only left with three? To show you
What you mean to me.
It isn't fair, clearly I see.
But i wish you could have
Guessed indeed.
Beyond the watch god
Might answer me. To,
Give me another life, where
You can be with me.
A dark isle, a killing spree.
Such tarnished is my history.
A coloured world, a canvas tree
Maybe that's what you're to me.
I couldn't speak, but you
Heard from me, and you
Helped break my chains to free.
A billion words in dictionary, I
Still can't tell what you're to me.

Rise up the horizon,
That's all they had to say.
But how can I fight my Demons? They
had to make me stay.
But this last time I'll stand
Back, cause I'm the one afraid.
And jump into the massacre,
To be born again.
Rise up the horizon, for things
We had to be, still not sure
How things are, and how
Should they be. So I say give me
Your burden to take your pain away
And sacrifice me for you, as
It might just get too late.
It might just get too late....

This is my last smile,
She said, as the time
Took her away.
Like a sizzling wind came,
Came to me, stayed one,
Went the other day.
Perhaps she faded away
Far from beginning, perhaps
It was needless, for
All the things that I needed
To say. It reminds of the
Memories, they survive,
They say when they leave.
But what's living or dead,
Should I be the one to decide,
The burden to withstand?
Autumn came, after winter
I hoped for the spring again,
Little did I know, she was
The blossom always, how
Could I replace her presence.
Summer never arrived,
It's still cold here, and
That's how I spent all the
Remaining Seasons of my life
then.

The conflict that, strangles me,
Confused, precedent, it
Entangles me, is between the
Carving trivial things, that I
Know. Know still, I don't know,
Seemingly, out of control, trouble,
There is a fight between what I
Feel and what I know..
Storm inside, and outside
Still, fighting each other
Trying to kill, who know why?
Isn't my life enough for me to cry?
Fortitude, I stand, I stand still
I, lay on my face, get up
I get up still, am I moving
Or am I dead already?
So tell me how. How can I replace
Myself? And make things well.
My blood not hands should be,
What is red.
They said don't die, don't die
Before you're dead...

Tell me all again,
What you think I should do?
Even if I do, just what will
I prove?
Blank spaces again, what is
It I can't see?
Everyday, it's same, no matter I
Try, then what's the point?
I know, you know, what
Differences we hold, striving,
Still to be like each other.
Just what is it that we
Want to prove? Accept,
Faith, sympathy, I'm tired
of these words.
Refine, my rhymes, should I?
I don't have to,
To express what I am.
Guilty, silly me, kind of
Tincture but still I am a stain.
What could I do again?
Maybe I'll find the beginning again.

Back to square one,
Am I even moving? Stagnant,
Still, can't take back a thing.
Easier said than done, things
I've never done, they haunt me,
Everyday.
Description state, mind slate
Everything fragile, how can I
Still take everything. They say that,
There must be more, so thrive for
I say its the worse lie.
Rhyme, I don't have to, to tell
What's in my head, only if it was
That easy. Words are less,
Needless, careless, selfless, how?
Can one still move on? Though,
Nothing surprises me, not anymore.
But I'm surprised , how I've survived.
Survived till now...

Light, sky, clouds, Colors
Things that connects us
With each other, forbidden
Are the lies we say
Everyday.
Glassy sky, a difference
Keeping yourself, it makes
You, feel good, in your own sense.
Truth, lies, words, imagination
Dark and light, takes us back
To the hope, we strive for.
Mornings, nights of summers
Are the same when you're not
Going anywhere, still
Deep inside, it feels kinda
Different.
Watching outside the windows,
I see something marching past
Again, I noticed they're my
Feelings, fleeing away, again.
Love, life, things, people
We want to be with forever,
It's not wrong, it you aren't
Sure, what you want to do.
I'll still stay with you....

I, missed my train, they
Said it's okay, it will come again.
But I'm, still waiting here
So long it began, seems
This might be end. This might be.
I, cannot defy, what's
In my head, it's totally mess,
Hope is something I don't get.
Stranded in my own world,
I couldn't care less.
I want to go home, maybe
One last time, again.
Where it all began, but I, I
Missed my train, it might go to vain.

Strange, how life goes on, how
People keep chasing each other
And I'm, standing out.
I don't wanna be different,
But, I'm fading out.
I heard some noises there,
From a herd of sheeps,
In a hope that they'll keep me,
I wanna join the crowd
But I'm standing out,
Different from the crowd.
Maybe someday I'll find,
Someone to drag me around
Someone to accompany me,
While I'm fading away.
While I'm standing out.