Mothers-in-law have been the butt of jokes for years. But while many men see them as little more than a nuisance, for some women they provoke tears, tempers and tantrums – Monster-In-Law: A Survival Guide investigates this tense relationship and offers advice.

Some mothers-in-law can be right monsters but whether you have The Narcissist, or The Clingon there are ways to deal with each type (Picture: AFP/Getty)

It was this heartbreak that inspired her to collaborate with her own mother on the self-help book Monster-In-Law: A Survival Guide.

Neither are psychologists and donât profess to be experts but their comments are based on months of research and conversations with long-suffering daughters-in-law.

âFrom our research, we have identified seven different types of mother-in-law,â says Milan.

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âEach requires careful handling, from The Needy, who plays on your heart-strings and takes up a lot of your time, to The Busy Body, who canât stay out of your business and is always interfering in your life. And then thereâs The Enemy, who doesnât approve of you.â

While researching, they came across Michelle, who suffered constant abuse from her mother-in-law.

Monster-In-Law is out on March 16

âAt first, she tried to monopolise my husband and have him do all the things he had been in the habit of doing,â Michelle says.

âOnce she realised things had changed, she became hostile. She would ring me up and abuse me, swear at me and accuse me of outrageous things.â

But why do these women have such bad relationships? âFor years, the mother has been the most important woman in her sonâs life,â says Virginia Graham of Clinical Partners. âWhen he marries, that changes and she is usurped.â

According to the authors, the issue is new because 21st-century women are unwilling to put up with old hierarchies. But psychologist Dr Terri Apter says the problem is timeless. âIn 100AD, Roman satirist Juvenal wrote: âDomestic accord is impossible as long as the mother-in-law lives,ââ she says.

âThe key is to turn competition into collaboration,â says Apter. âShow you value what she brings to the family and reassure her that family connections will continue, despite the marriage.â

And guys, you donât get off easily. âAll too often, a man tries to stay out of things and leave it to the women,â Apter says. âAs a result, each feels alone and defensive.â

Whether you have The Narcissist, or The Clingon for a mother-in-law, there are ways to deal with each type. And if all else fails, remember: behind every successful man stands a devoted wife and a surprised mother-in-law.