7.14.2013

I Have The Sads Today

It would probably seem to anyone perusing this blog that I'm a happy person and that life is pretty darn good. And, well, that'd be a 100% correct assumption. I have a superawesome husband, two kids (one of each!) that are currently being fun and (mostly) behaved, we have a roof (a brand new one, in fact) over our much loved home, plenty of (yummy) food to put on the table and our future looks bright (hubs just got a promotion!). And, yet...Some days, I'm just prone to The Sads. It's almost as if my body has this toxin that it just has to let out, with a frequency that has waned a great deal over the years, thankfully - but rears it's ugly head every now and again. I've NEVER been the kind of person to notice any change in my disposition each month, but dayum. As I age, I really feel that I'm dealing with PMS on a whole new level. The most random thing can be a trigger: today it was seeing a Facebook picture of a dear friend mid-laugh. I could literally hear her guffaw as I looked at the computer screen and I just lost it and began to cry for missing her. Then I think about how much I miss my mom, of course, and my brother... And there goes my day! I've had that itchy eyeball, tingling nose feeling nonstop. It mostly comes down to a central theme of missing family, friends and sweet home Chicago.

Summer is also a big trigger, not only because I'm going a wee bit stir crazy with the kids, but because summer days make me think of my childhood. My thoughts veer towards riding my bike to the pool daily, or taking the train to the zoo. And then I get The Sads about my kids not having the same experiences I did growing up. No field trips to the Art Institute, spending all day/every day at the pool, endless bike riding sidewalks, eating real hot dogs, sledding all day in the winter... Okay that last one wasn't summer, but that's how my mind starts to spiral and within minutes I'm lamenting the fact that they might not get to have the experience of living in the city (sorry Seattle, you're like a big suburb) in those quintessential post collegiate days. And, of course, that's when I reign it in and remind myself that they are not here for me to live vicariously. They will lead their own life and it will not be better or worse than mine, just different. Because on the flip side, I would lament an existence without the mountains, the sweet clean air, being active and outside all year round and really appreciating a snow day.But the missing feeling lingers. I've mentioned before, that mom friends and my runner friends help fill a really big part of the void. Yet there's just no replacing family, let alone friends who's laugh you know so well that you can conjure it in seconds from a picture. I know I'll visit with them again soon. Some days I just want them in my life every day, and we can't always have everything we want - total first world problems over here, I admit it. However, if you're in the opposite situation and your parents are always in your business or your family is driving you nuts - think of how it could be different. Yes, we think about moving home one day; but at this point, any money we'd potentially make on our house in this market would be gone by the time we paid realtor and moving fees. Anyhow, I thought that writing this down might help me feel better and it has. I thought about not even publishing it, but what a waste of a post, right? So, if you're bummed out about something right now - hey! I get The Sads, too! I must remind myself to dwell in positivity today (just like I did when that damn roof started leaking) and keep my life philosophy in mind - everything happens for a reason.

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comments:

I totally get where you are coming from. I have awesome, old friends who I don't get to see often. I get so down about it when I see others who actually get to live in the same place as their BEST friends. I have friends, but my BEST friends live elsewhere. And my circular thinking pattern brings me right back to where I am. We're not moving and neither are they. And there are the sads... (side note: missed the Ragnar stuff. Have fun!)

Hey Gibby! So Glad I checked your blog today to see what you're up to. I can totally relate to this post in so many ways. I'm going to totally ramble so you might want to sit down and grab a cap and coke :)

Short answer is we should totally get together and laugh! There's something big to be said for being with friends from before you worried about jeans looking like mom jeans. You see me and think Silver and I'm 20 again. No wrinkles. No grey hair. It means a lot.

As for Chicago. Sigh. Yes. I often ask Chris why we can't just move the mountains there or our people here. Sucks. I miss everyone terribly. When I go back there's never enough time to see everyone and do everything so I get frustrated with Chicago and want to run back to my slower life and cleaner air. Conflicted much?

Then I miss the Chicago culture. The arts yes, but the FOOD, oh the food! Portillos! Who puts cream cheese on a hot dog? Oven Grinders. The random people at Jewel that will chat you up over nothing. The fact that no one just gets in a line and waits without wondering aloud, "What's up with this line?". If there's 5 people in one line and 1 person in the other line people move. What's up Seattle? People actually know how to zipper to get on and off highways in Chicago (or is it expressways?). The charming Chicago accent. Skilling. Hawks, Bulls, Bears, Cubs, Sox. U of I. Sports Bars!

Anyway, I do get the sads. I miss summers off. The one thing I actually miss about teaching. Summer. I, too, spent every day riding my bike to the pool with friends. I want to have that with Zeke. I'm stuck working full time and dropping him off at summer camp. He's at an age where he totally wants to hang with his parents. That's going to last about three more days before he wants nothing to do with me. Sad!

My hope/plan is to save or just use vacation and work part time next summer so I have more consistent chill time with him. I guess that's all I can do right. Figure out what will help me not be so sad.

Getting back to your post. You are right. Your kids will have a completely different childhood than you. But that would be true even if you were in Chicago. I mean can you imagine life as a kid with a Smartphone? That said, if you want to move back and your hubby is on board start looking. The market here is on the up big time and do you really want to live life with such a huge regret? I'm not trying to make it sound easy cuz I know it isn't. I'm conflicted about wanting to be here and there all the time. Breaking even to move back to Chicago sounds pretty good actually. (If you really want to move that is.)