It was difficult to tell whether it was an invitation or an insult — either way, it didn't work.

Fortunately, it meant I was in time to catch my 15-year-old son being enticed into another shop with the promise of 'luvvly jubbly.' All the traders in Cairo's packed Khan el-Khalili bazaar have a smattering of utterly useless English phrases intended to entice tourists to visit their shops. Wherever you are, someone will pop up with a cheery 'tally ho!' But then, that's Egypt.

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We were travelling overland from Cairo in the north to Aswan in the south to see some of the country as well as the ancient sights, but not exactly as intrepid explorers — we were on an organised tour staying in good hotels. So perhaps we'd see some of modern, as well as ancient, Egypt.

The country evolved around the Nile, and roughly a quarter of its population lives in Cairo.

Squeezing millions of people into one city is overwhelming, and the traffic is unbelievable. Vans, lorries, taxis, motorbikes, horses, donkeys and pedestrians all jostle each other for road space and no vehicle stops - ever.

Our guide told us that when he was once leading a group of Americans across a Cairo road, one woman panicked and screamed: 'We're not going to make it! We're going to die!'

Your Lux in: Tom took in the sights of Luxor, with its giant statues of Ramses II (left), and made the trip out to Giza to catch a glimpse of the Pyramids (right) - though left the business of going within the tombs to his son

Cairo's Egyptian museum has the biggest collection of ancient Egyptian relics in the world, and the Citadel, with its Ottoman mosque, commands an inspiring view - but the pyramids and the Great Sphinx are in the suburb of Giza, now almost swallowed up by the rapidly expanding city.

Going into the pyramids is not for the claustrophobic, but if you really want to, try one of the smaller ones. The crowds are fewer and the route into the centre is quicker.

If you still can't face it, then do what I did — send in your son. 'No bodies, Dad,' he reported afterwards. In fact, there isn't a great deal inside a pyramid. The spectacle is on the outside, but my son needn't have worried - we'd find a body later.

We took an overnight train from Giza - the central Rameses station is legendary for its chaos - and travelled south along the shores of the Nile to Aswan.

Our tour guides referred to our 'luxury' train with ironic emphasis (just as they told us that our hotel in Aswan was 'luxurious... by Aswan standards'). After an airline-style dinner, we rattled on through the night, waking in Aswan to the beauty of the sun rising over the desert. Scattered along our route were tiny crumbling villages, horse-drawn carts and crammed minibuses.

In these rural parts of Egypt the social culture remains largely unchanged and deeply conservative, although virtually every building has a satellite dish.

They are also exponents of that peculiarly Egyptian practice of leaving the top floor incomplete when building a house. This, our guide told us, is done so that one day the children will build their own living quarters on the top floor.

We relaxed at Aswan for a few days and then took the train north again for the four-hour journey to Luxor. Here, you see spectacular sights - Luxor temple at night, Karnak, the Valley of the Kings, the temple of Queen Hatshepsut. And we found our body - a famous one, too, Tutankhamun, in the Valley of the Kings.

Local Egyptologists are driven mad that an insignificant king should be known worldwide just because for eons he was missed by tomb robbers after he was buried. It's doubly annoying that his body was found by an Englishman, Howard Carter.

Full sail ahead: Traditional Egyptian feluccas drift along the river at Aswan

At the centre of the tomb the tiny mummified remains of Tut himself are kept behind glass, and much is covered by a sheet. What you can see of Tut, who died at 19, is in remarkably good nick for someone approaching his 3,500th birthday.

There's so much to see in Luxor your head spins. Our Egyptologist tour leader approached one sculpture, sighed deeply and said 'Here we have yet another statue ...' Quite.

If you are going to take the overland route (and even if you're not), go with a guide.

They don't just handle all the hassle - entry tickets, tipping, hawkers - they also know where to go and when, and their insight and security are invaluable. Any traveller knows that the best way to visit anywhere in the world is in the company of a local. Tally ho!