I'm a Pakistani-Canadian who blogs about sexuality in South Asia, religion & politics.
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Thursday, July 26, 2012

you may have seen this floating around twitter. Yes, its a very disturbing image...and yet it doesn't shake enough of you up - so far less than 500 ppl have signed the petition. Most other countries would have rallied up more support than just 500 ppl. Its a pity really, we're a cold, heartless bunch. If you'd like to make a difference please sign today, and please 'like' the facebook page too :)

One of the most important topics that needs to be addressed in our country: Child Sexual Abuse/Pedophilia...

Its rampant... its disgusting and its everywhere in our country. Do I have any proof that it happens more in Pakistan than anywhere else? No, i do not. There are no concrete studies or accurate statistics because of the nature of this topic. Its taboo, its related to sexuality and we sure as hell ain't gonna be discussing it as a nation.

So we do what we do best, denial.

Children are afraid to speak up and parents that know it happened are afraid to say anything for the fear of dishonouring their families.

I can't prove it, but I'm pretty certain that with the lack of consequences pedophiles face in our country, they're a lot more comfortable letting their twisted desires off the leash....than say... in the west. Thats not to say it doesn't occur there, but people still have a fear of what would happen if they got caught.

Legislation against these things is a major element missing from Pakistan. In this sense we're practically still in the stone age. See for yourself, @UroojZia was kind enough to pass along some information she's uncovered;

* * *

HaaN ji, this is what the director of War Against Rape told me re pedophilia laws and case-handling:

a) They are, amongst other clauses, dealt with under the Anti-Terrorism Act. The ATA doesn't mention 'pedophilia' or synonyms by name, but it defines punishment for sex with a minor.

b) If the survivor is a girl, cases are also tried under usual Zina laws.

c) If the survivor is a boy, clauses for 'unnatural lust' are used (same ones that are used to prosecute LGBT people);

d) If this isn't bad enough, here's the real kicker: rape is defined as penile penetration only. An insane number of cases don't involve penile penetration; they involve groping, or other means of penetration (digital, often even glass bottles; horrifying, but true). These cases just cannot be prosecuted because there is no law here against rape sans penile penetration.

Most reported cases of child sexual abuse involve incest in some form (including fathers, brothers, cousins, uncles, and so on). In this, a major problem is the absence of sociologal support structures for mothers of survivors, especially if the abuser is the children's father (her husband) or some other close patriarchal figure. There are recorded cases of women genuinely breaking down and saying that they knew what their husbands were doing, but what could they do, they couldn't leave with their children, where would they go, how would they live, etc. And then we have a stellar Lahore High Court judgment from the late 90s or early 2000s (incest; girl abused by brother and impregnated), where the ruling was roughly along these lines: It is impossible for a brother to do this to his sister; the girl must have had sex elsewhere and gotten pregnant, and should, as such, be prosecuted for zina.

* * *

Ok, seriously? DisFUCKINGgusting ..I'm in disbelief here.... its actually worse than I expected. And I had very low expectations to begin with. Its moments like these where I'm so ashamed to belong to this country we call 'Pak' istan. Not only do we not have laws to prosecute pedophiles, but we barely have a law to prosecute rape... and nothing for sexual assault really... I wont even get into the homophobia involved here, because that would be another post in itself. And this case that's mentioned at the end.... where the survivor got prosecuted for being raped by her brother instead of the other way round.... oh. my. god.

I need to walk away now. You can read what my female interviewees have to say about the subject. And I'll see you next time, hopefully I will have recovered from the sickness I'm feeling in the core of my soul.

Do you think we have a problem in this country
with sexual predators and pedophiles, and to what extent in comparison with the
rest of the world?

Ayesha, Female, 28I can’t speak
for other countries, but sexual harassment is an incredible problem in Pakistan. I was
molested from when I was 6 to when I was about 11 or 12. It wasn’t rape, as a
matter of fact as far as molestation goes it was fairly low-key, but that makes
it no less traumatic. I know it to be a huge looming problem, but for the life
of me I cant think of a solution, other than keeping all kids and dependents
always in your sight, which is ridiculous. But what else can one do? Everyone
seems to want to hump everything.

Layla, Female, 19I know they exist everywhere in the
world, but I have no clue about the stats in my country. But I know women are
raped every day, and we don’t even know it because they are either killed, or
too scared or embarrassed to come fwd esp with our crappy system of needing 3
or 4 witnesses. And there is an obvious shortage of women in our country, and
an abundance of horny, illiterate man, so u can pretty much do the math.

Ambreen, Female, 28i think we do, and
everywhere else does as well ... its just easier to get away with it back home.
Its one of those things that are just so taboo people don’t talk about it .. or
they don’t really know.... because u don’t know as a child what is proper and
what is not ... if its someone in the position of authority.... u dont really
know if its wrong.... for eg.... if they see the parents having sex... then the
siblings might do it .... they won’t know it’s wrong.... my cousin who’s a
doctor told me she used to see a lot of uncles making their nieces pregnant....
but they weren’t ostracized.... it almost seemed accepted, in general. I don’t
know if we have it going on to a greater extent..... but we just don’t find out
about it as much.... here (Canada) u can take people to court, there are
newspapers, the media will report it and make a big deal - but in Pakistan its
taboo to even speak up about it ...

Mariam, Female, 26I think its ridiculous.. the level of problems we have with
something like this. I don’t think a single girlfriend of mine and I would say
50% of my male friends have at some point in their lives experienced some kind
of molestation…sexual advances… be it from a family member… be it from a
domestic servant….somebody completely random… or someone in the workplace… and
that’s a very high percentage…and that percentage is disgusting. I’m scared to
bring up my children in this country….because its just terrifying.. I don’t
know what to do… I don’t know what anybody can do about it…

I remember once there was this servant at a friends
place….he was a young boy…he called me into the kitchen and kissed me and
started feeling me… I remember I was shell shocked for like a good 5 minutes…
till I decided to run out…I was about 12ish….i started screaming and he ran
away rather than becoming more aggressive. I think it happens so often because
people are frustrated….we have a huge problem until we separate religion from
state… we need to educate and expose people about such problems…. And then
maybe in 2-3 generations things will get better… that’s the only solution I can
think of.

Fatima, Female, 25We do have a problem …. There were teachers in
my school that got fired for doing just that. There are servants…. If not those
then the “Molwi’s” – they come with
their Qura’ans …. You would never think that your Molwi would do that now would you? So you trust him with your kids….we’re
all fucking nymphos at some point in our lives because of what happened in our
childhood – its our way of dealing with the world. I remember my mum brought in
a kid from the village only to bring her up, give her exposure…and that is the
one (because the Molwi thought she’d
never open her mouth and because he thought ‘she’s not their own child’) he
would molest…he ripped the shit out of her clothes, he traumatized the kid to
no end…right after which we got exposed to even more sex because this now
turning 13 year old child was fucking the nation's servants – the entire
fucking area was covered by this one girl who had become so crazy in that
little time, she was barely developing and had barely started getting breasts –
yet she was fucking the nation. I will never forget because it scared the shit
out of me – there was this funny looking plant shaped like a ….in front of us,
in the garden – she jumps on it and starts doing the plant!!! We were just oh
my god – yeah she looked like she was having fun but we were really scared and
didn’t know what she was doing. Then there’s this one girl from the hijabi lot, she’s a nymphomaniac…this is all the result of their experiences with being abused...

people
don’t report such predators because no one believes you when you come out with
it – my own family didn’t believe me! It sucks because you don’t know who to
talk to and who to trust. A lot of people doing this shit have a lot of money –
then they’re above the law… you can’t turn to the law. And because they’re
above the law there’s nothing you can do about it you just silence yourself. If
sex weren’t such a taboo topic – yeah sure people would report it a whole lot
more. We have a couple of NGO’s that function and we’ve got counselors and safe
houses… but those are the only people you can turn to. But until you don’t make
sex an ok thing and it gets off the taboo list – yes – you’re gonna have the
problems of keeping it to yourself and not reporting it. When you think its
your fault in the first place…’I must have done something wrong for that person
to have done that to me…’ when you think like that you’re not going to report
it or tell anyone because its so taboo within your own household – if you turn
around and tell your mother you got raped (and especially in the lower classes)
you will definitely be blamed for it.

Sumeira, Female, 25Yes we have a problem in this country with that – servants
in the house. If I have kids, I know I would not leave them with servants.
Nothings happened to me but I know what people are like. You can tell by the
way servants look at you or look at anyone. You can’t trust anyone – especially
in a country where sex is taboo and people are so suppressed and they’re dying
to come out…if you’re not suppressed and everyone’s open about it…there’s less
sex offenders…less pedophiles. It’s because our society is so closed that shit
like this happens. Everyone’s fucking frustrated.

Zobia, Female, 22I’m pretty sure we do have
a problem with sexual predators and pedophiles.I think that because sex is made to be so taboo, people are dying to
have sex with whoever ASAP.Again sexual
education could seriously help in this aspect as well, creating a more open
environment, where people wouldn’t feel so restricted.In comparison to the rest of the world, I
don’t know if it’s a bigger or smaller problem in Pakistan.It is a problem in developed countries like
America as well, but in our country I’m sure a victim often has no one to turn
to for help, and I’m sure a lot of stories go unheard because people don’t want
anyone knowing that their daughters for instance, have been raped, as it would
result in no one wanting to marry her

Saira, Female, 22Its not talked about
as much ..... but it exists ... it exists everywhere.... but because we dont
talk about it in Pakistan.... it exists more so ... we know its not going to be
made public and its under the covers... i think its more of a problem within families moreso in Pakistan like
uncles, distant relatives... family friends... not like random people here in
canada....like priests and stuff... i think its more in families in pakistan
because these are the children that are more accessible.... here we take public
transport.... commuity centres... a lot of child adult interaction exists...
but there not so much and the parents trust their relatives and friends with
their kids... so thats where the problem lies.

Rabia Female, 23Yes. Of course we do. A huge one. One that the ‘media’ channels
will not cover. One that will get ignored because it is a taboo topic to
discuss, especially on national television. However, as far as comparing it to
the rest of the world is concerned, I really don’t know where Pakistan as a
nation stands in terms of severity of the issue.

Farah, Female, 29Definitely. I don’t know
about what it is like in comparison to the rest of the world, but from a simple
poll of family and friends in Karachi, I would say a large majority of women
(and some men too) have been molested sexually. Many of these were perpetrated
by maulvi sahibs (religious teachers) and servants.

Sam, Female, 28I think theres a huge huge problem. I think the problem is
far larger than people are willing to believe. They prefer to not talk abt it
and they like to believe things like this don't happen in the our 'islamic'
republic. the truth is pakistani society is depraved! The problem is aggravated
because the onus of protecting yourself is usually placed on the victim (if its
a woman). After all Islam places the responsibility to cover up on woman.

I know women molested by men in parks, you read in papers of
children raped, animals raped. rape within marriage isn't rape at all. Sexual harassment isn't considered
harassment, and usually women are blamed for provoking it. These are just the
things you hear abt. i shudder to imagine the extent to which children, and
street children in particular are suffering. its tragic.

This is all a reflection of far deeper issues. Women are
still considered property and not people. They are considered vessels for men's
honor! They're still being treated as the battleground for men to fight their
wars. They sanction a man's sister's rape, as means of his atonement! a
government representative condones the murder of women on a government forum in
the name of honor because it is considered part of their 'traditions'- and no
one musters a response!

In pakistan sexual predators
and/or pedophiles are openly running rampant and they are not even considered
predators!

Maliha, Female, 21

Of course it’s a
problem. It’s a huge problem, what with
the huge population of homeless and street children prone to abuse from any
passing pedophile. Even children in cosy
home settings are prone, and that’s partly because little Abbas or Anum isn’t
told that every uncle is not nice and that if anyone does anything to them that
makes them uncomfortable they should come straight to mummy and report it. If parents don’t educate their children about
stranger danger and all, I don’t know how they’re going to know. And then one hears about abuse in madrassahs
and all, its frightening. One gets the
feeling it happens a lot here, maybe more than the rest of the world because
our children are kept so much in the dark with regard to all things sexual that
half the time they don’t realize they’ve been abused until later on, and by
that time the damage is done. As far as older people being targeted by
sexual predators, well that is to be expected, although I get the impression
that it happens less here, maybe that’s just because its underreported, no
idea. Its probably roughly the same
everywhere.

Mahreen, Female, 26

You have
them everywhere, but more so in repressed societies. You close the main roads,
and people will seek out the back alleys!

Zulaikha, Female, 34

I
think we do. Hell, yes. I was a victim of a pedophile. I know what that did to
me as a person. Some of my friends have faced similar abuse as children. I
wouldn’t say that there are more freaks here than anywhere else. A friend in
the US was repeatedly abused sexually by both her parents. That frightened me
beyond reason

---------------------------------------------If you are a survivor of Child Sexual Abuse and would like to share your story (anonymously) - please don't hesitate to send me an email : NicemangosDOTblogATgmailDOTcom

Monday, July 23, 2012

Here are some pics from last time!, I don't think the previous winners were disappointed :) And I'm always thrilled when my art goes to a loving home!

(England)

(Pakistan)

As promised - I'm doing another art giveaway! Yup, you heard right - I said 'give' away - I send you a print....a piece of original, signed Nice Mangos art, and all you have to do is answer some Nice Mangos Trivia.

And that's just to ensure that the artwork goes to the home of a regular reader, or at least someone who's taken the time to look for the answers :P

So here are 10 questions - the first person to answer 5 of them correctly (pick any 5 you like) and send me the answers will get the print! (You can tweet, facebook or email me the answers)

1) Is the writer of this blog a male or female?

2) What is this blog about?

3) I recently started a petition, what about?

4) Here's the title of a popular post, fill in the blank:
Brown Girls Shouldn't have _____ Vaginas

5) What was the post in Q4) about?

6) True or False: This was the Tag I used on Twitter for the petition : #SignThisPlease

7) Name one of the guest bloggers I've had on here (I've not had many)

8) Only once, I blogged about a celebrity (Bollywood), who was it?

9) I have drawn a couple of 'mock -ads' for fictional products / services - can you name one?

10) I have a hilarious/disturbing and recurring commenter. I've done an interview with him AND a post about all the pervy comments he leaves on the blog. I will be truly impressed if you can recall his 'name' (he goes by initials)

Please remember to write the question number along with the answer, and remember you only have to do 5!

So if you win you can pick one from these:

(The Original)

(Birds & The Bees)

(Speak)

('Virgin' Bride - this one is a special eidition print, because later I added a nipple ring. This is the version before the ring, which I wont ever print again.)

Cheers!
______________________________________

Thank You all so much for your interest, but the contest is now closed. It was such a close call.. the first 3 were literally seconds behind each other. Congrats to @Snootyshark for winning!

Monday, July 16, 2012

So someone brought this disturbing/hilarious TV promo to my attention on Twitter, at first I was just baffled.... like... wtf?

my interpretation: repent just like Veena Malik does for all her sins - or else you'll burn in hell (Of course Hero TV doesn't give two shits if you're religious or not, they just want to shock you into watching their channel by using the most unlikely candidate)

I LOVE how it opens with the damning fires of hell. The echo adds a nice touch too - how can u not take a promo with an echo seriously? And the tear drops, my my....it couldn't get better than that. You know she's being bloody genuine and repenting for all her years of sinning. Right? Surely no one's put visine in her eyes or whatever they put in there to make em cry?

Gimme a Fuckin' break. As if Ramadan (or Ramzan - depending on where u grew up) wasn't already a time for hypocrites to come out and celebrate their hypocrisy in broad daylight.

I always remember my Ramadans in Pakistan as a time when some people chose to stop drinking for that particular month, or some chose to stop for just the really important holy nights. Seriously, if you think drinking is wrong, who do you think you're fooling by not drinking for one fucking month? To understand that, has always been beyond me.

And in the same way, I thought Veena Malik was all 'pro-sinning'? I thought she liked wearing next to nothing and standing up for her right to do so?

I have to admit, i didn't know who she was till I saw this video,

And I thought she was pretty awesome for kicking Mufti sahab's ass. But wtf happened now? Cummon, how much did they pay you? Sure, they want ratings - but you'd think that after all the verbal ass kicking she did, Veena Malik would stick to her chosen side.

What really gets my goat is this blatant disregard for honesty. Obviously, if u like wearing belts as skirts, I am not gonna buy your scarf-on-head act. So pick a thing, and stick to it. Are you the person that kicks mullah ass, and stands up for your rights to be you, or are u the person who dons a headscarf and sheds tears on tv asking for forgiveness. Ramadan is everyone's favourite month to bring out their inner hypocrite!

I think that holds true not just for Veena Malik, but for a lot of Pakistanis. This TV promo is just a symbol of how two-faced so many are during that time of year. My personal experiences with fellow Pakistani's during the holy month still make me shudder. I mean seriously, there's hypocrisy...and there's RAMADAN HYPOCRISY.

So Veena Malik... does the headscarf and shalwar kameez come off right after the camera switches off? Or are you going to maintain this modest look for the whole month? Just curious...

* * *Sexuality, commercialism and religion are often more entwined than we'd like to believe. --------------------------------------UPDATE: oh gawsh darnit, I've been informed that the shows been cancelled. As many complaints as I had about it, 'twould've been an entertaining watch. I dunno if a small Pakistani channel is smart enough to pull off a publicity stunt like this - whether it was all an elaborate plan, and was never gonna air anyway, or they really just didn't think it through... - we got a bizarre, hilarious promo out of it. Now Veena Malik can go back to being her nekkid self, without any remorse. ---------------------------------------------UPDATE on the update: It appears the show's back on... interesting.

Monday, July 9, 2012

So on my Internet travels today I was browsing through discussions on a desi (South Asian), radical-feminist forum. There were lots of incredibly bizarre things said. I felt I had to document them.

In case you hadn't picked up on it by now, I am a big supporter of all kinds of consensual sex. I think 2 adults should have the right to choose how, where, by who and with what apparatus they'd like to get fucked.

As long as they aren't preaching to me, I'm cool. However, lumping consenting-adult-sex with pedophiles and zoophiles is something that *always* gets me worked up... like, why do I even have to explain why that's a fucked up thing to do?

The discussion in question was about the Pride Parade, we just had ours 2 weekends ago in Toronto, and I believe London did theirs last Saturday. Hurray!! Rainbows and love for everyone.

That is some serious rainbow swag.

No, but more seriously, there's a lot of politics and holier-than-thou-ness surrounding the parade. It's not just from the ultra-conservatives either. Layers of issues with the Pride Parade exist even within the gay community. Some think religion shouldn't be involved, some think it should, some think it should strictly be for 'gay' people and no one else and then there's the whole Palestine/Israel conflict.... There are so many issues that come up, whoever says the parade isn't political enough, needs to take a closer look. Of course it always could be more political, but then it'd turn into a protest and not a day of fun.

Anyhow so during my discussion with a gay-supremacist radical-feminist, I heard this [paraphrased]:

"I don't like Pride, because its not *just* about being gay, its more of a queer/LGBT thing. It's perverted, commercialized and is accepting of things like 'Kink' (ie. violent and perverted sexual behaviour)."

"Not all diversity is good, because if we want to be completely diverse then we'd be including pedophiles and people who have sex with animals too..."
Now I could write pages and pages just based on those two comments, but I'll just paste the comment I posted there:

I thought the point of Pride was diversity and acceptance. Of course everyone's entitled to an opinion, but to say that u dont understand the point of it at all.., since pride is more of a queer/LGBT thing and not 'just' a gay thing - thats a little bigoted, narrowminded and exclusive. Just a tad. I can completely understand disliking the commercial aspect, because really - large corporations always want a piece of everything.

But to call it perverted? and to deem 'kink' violent perverted sexual behaviour? I mean people could just call homosexuality 'perversion' ... right? Thats exactly the kind of attitude that Pride aims to stop. Kinky sex is not for everyone, but if its consensual - who are you to judge what other people do in the bedroom? Sure, you can enjoy all the missionary, lights off vanilla sex you want. But in the same vein people should be free to enjoy different kinds of consensual sex as adults - is that not the basic fight for gay rights anyhow? Kink and trans and bi are all included in pride because sexuality is not a black or white thing, it is fluid, and sometimes not so easily categorized. How can one call themselves a feminist, and demand equal rights for an oppressed, marginalized group such as 'women' and then step all over the rights of other marginalized groups by calling them perverted?I also find it particularly offensive, and ignorant to make sweeping statements like "Not all diversity is in itself good. If we're aiming for maximum diversity, then pedophiles and people who have sex with animals should also be included" because there is one major element lacking with zoophiles and pedophiles - CONSENT. To lump those groups with people who are different and like to consensually use a little whip and chain - is ludicrous. Im sorry if i come off as angry, trying not to be rude... but this is exactly the kind of attitude we need to change. Of course pride is OTT and flamboyant, and perhaps not for everyone... my dad hates it. So he makes it a point not to go there. Simple. It is a Pride *parade* after all, accepting of all alternative, kinky, pansexual lifestyles --- it is not the "Conservative, Fully Clothed & Serious Gay Superiority March" If it offends you with its nudity, then don't go. But don't bash it or call it perverted. I myself am not a fan of some of the nudist parts of the parade... I dont enjoy seeing saggy, saline-filled, ancient balls... but i don't whine about it, because Im the one who went there in the first place.
***

The response I got to it was very fucked up interesting... I'll post the parts that 'interested' me the most:

"Its easy to see why we can't share the cause with Bisexuals (they have heterosex, and its common knowledge that most heterosex reinforces heteronormativity [i.e places woman in a position lower than that of the man]"

Sometimes it definitely does, but not always. And there are always power dynamics involved in sex, are there not? Even in 'homosexual sex', someone at some point will take a more active/dominant role. And if there is this feeling about heteronormativity, how do you guys feel abt dominatrixes? :P

"We don't like the 'T' alphabet either as we are trans-critical since we understand that gender-dysphoria partially stems from internalized homophobia and can be resolved (people who experience dysphoria are a product of the patriarchal society. And transitioning can be read as an extreme form of cosmetic surgery). Gender is problematic and the ideal is to be androgynous."

Ah, a TERF (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist).....I should have known. A lovely bunch of 'feminists' who think feminism is only for people born with vaginas. Excluding people who are allies, who identify as women...makes perfect sense. Excluding people based on genitals...hmm sounds familiar.

*Shudder* at the 'and can be resolved' - What. The. Fuck. Sounds a lot like defence for corrective rape 'therapies', or conversion 'therapy'..vile stuff.

"the ideal is to be androgynous" - That might be ideal for you, but how realistic is that really? The entire world ain't dropping gender anytime soon, FYI.

I believe a *diverse* world would be best (but thats just me), part of that would be androgyny (for those who wanted it) but if everyone were androgynous, we'd be a bit like mass-produced robots. The truth of the matter is, we are born with a set of genitals, gender roles might be socialized to a great extent, but some ppl happily identify as men and some identify as women. To change everyone to an androgynous state might require socialization as well.... and how is that any different to the gender roles perpetuated now? I fight gender stereotypes for the most part, but I also like being a woman. Sue me.

"Consent-talk is problematic because all of us have internalized patriarchy and are always susceptible to reproduce it. Ergo, its not entirely possible for someone to consent to actions that are heteronormative and reproduce patriarchy. It is important to note that what goes on in the bedroom has political implications so I, as someone who doesn't want the Patriarchy perpetuated, would not endorse these choices."

Are you for freakin' real suggesting that consent as a measure of whats ethical in the bedroom and what isn't is 'problematic'?? Are you saying that people (women) oppressed by 'the Patriarchy' (and here I just see you making a joke out of what feminism is meant to be, honestly) cannot consent, because under the patriarchy they have no agency...and so there actually aren't consenting adult women. Like.... is this really what you're saying? You're not one of the ones who thinks all hetero-sex is rape are you? Have I actually come across one of you in real life?!

Aside from the fact that this sounds like absolute crazy-talk....I'm going to try and reason here:
Of course, everyone has a right to support something or not support it. Don't support heterosex if you like... but you do ironically sound a lot like people who think homosexual sex is unnatural.

I have an issue with you demanding equal rights for one oppressed group (women) and then dismissing other oppressed/minority groups (like trans, BDSM communities, etc) . That alone is hypocritical.

Of course kinky sex, the fetish community, BDSM (bondage, domination, submission & masochism) may imitate or reproduce 'patriarchy', but they also flip it on its head. Where women are in incredibly powerful, dominant roles. Often, people in the fetish community enjoy playing with these power roles, switching them and experimenting with different dynamics. Sometimes it's even a way to challenge patriarchy and heteronormativity.

And if heteronormativity is *so* bad...What's to say that homosexual sex involving strap-ons and dildos isn't perpetuating heteronormativity? Are you also completely against phallus-shaped pleasure aids? Do you hate cucumbers also?

There is a very fascinating crossover going on here...one between anti-patriarchy feminism and something reminiscent of pro-patriarchy puritanical religiosity....where women should not enjoy sex or phalluses.

***

What goes on in the bedroom certainly has political implications, thats why restricting it to androgynous, homosexual sex would be really quite opressive. In the androgynous egalitarian society you speak of, would people be afraid to come out of the closet as 'straight' ? would they secretly have to play dress-up in gendered clothing to express themselves? Sounds even worse than the world we live in currently, tbh. Where everyone is uniform.

And if you don't believe that consent is actually 'consent', then how does one choose to have sex with someone in a certain way? How can we ever know for sure? What if androgynous, homosexual sex is just a reaction to patriarchy, what if that's not true consent either? :O

"I hope its clear that these are strictly THEORETICAL positions and we're challenging queer theory or transgenderism and are in no way prejudiced against Bisexuals or trans people."

"Ultimately, we're concerned with general wellbeing of all, hope to burn patriarchy and establish a genderless egalitarian society. Radfem is a theoretical lense/perspective really and may not be entirely faultless so i do not claim to have absolute knowledge."

Of course I understand that this is all theoretical, no one's going to take this bs seriously in the real world. You may say that you are in no way prejudiced against bi or trans people in reality.... but you kind of are if you hold these views, because you are dismissing their existence. You're saying that trans ppl can be 'cured' of their transness... are u not? how is this different from 'curing homosexuals?' This is honestly the first time I have ever encountered this weird homosexual supremacy. Where everyone else is perpetuating the most evil PATRIARCHY (muhahahah) - and only androgynous homosexuals are 'pure'. Wow.

'I'm not a transphobe, I just think trans people's entire existence is wrong, they should be 'cured'. I'm not a sexist...I just think hetero women can't consent to sex.' Smh.

Like...these are actual things that you have said. I'm quite blown away, I must admit.

***

All that said, I do still consider myself a feminist (despite the existence of feminists like the above). I'm not a radical feminist by any stretch, I happen to enjoy fetish events, I support kink rights and trans rights. I love wearing corsets, and painting my nails, *gasp* even baking cakes.... you might consider me a total victim of patriarchy.... but ya know, I'm well aware of its implications on my life. I fight what I actually consider problematic, and do not loathe having a gender.

I am sometimes political in my bedroom, but I am sometimes just about having fun. I am straight and I happily consent to sex with a man. I resent people like you telling me whether I can or cannot consent.

Apologies for the Pakistani-centric joke here. Some of you may not fully get this.

I enjoy playing with gender roles, I love a man in eyeliner, or a kilt. Fuck me... I love gender actually. I hate that we have specific requirements and have to fit one or the other.... but I do love that its ours to play with.

About Me

I'm a Pakistani-Canadian illustrator/blogger who writes and draws about sexuality in South Asia (mostly Pakistan), religion, politics, feminism, godlessness.
Follow me on twitter @nicemangos
oh and you can find me on facebook now too! :) facebook.com/eiynah.nicemangos
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