Making Things Easier: The FDA Has Announced That Any Round Food Is A Meatball

September 12, 2017

Keeping up with complicated nutritional guidelines can be a real hassle, but fortunately if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed about trying to maintain a balanced diet, things just got a little easier—officials at the Food and Drug Administration just announced that any round food is technically a meatball!

Amazing! Thanks to the FDA, eating right has never been simpler!

Good on the FDA for making life simpler for once. The agency announced at a press conference this morning that any round food will now be referred to as a meatball.

“Whether it grows in the ground or gets made in a factory, whether it gets trawled from the ocean or gets plucked from a tree, if a food is round, then that food is a meatball,” FDA press secretary Jim Locke announced in a press conference held earlier this morning. “Grapes are meatballs. Clams are meatballs. Cadbury Eggs are meatballs. All the round food is a meatball—end of story. We hope this makes things more convenient for everyone.”

This is incredible news for health nuts everywhere! From now on, instead of struggling to keep track of dozens of vitamins and minerals, the average American consumer now only needs to follow the FDA nutritional suggestions of 15 servings of meatballs and five servings of sharp-cornered every day in order to meet the criteria of a healthy diet. Now that pumpkins are meatballs and donuts are meatballs and every edible thing that is round is a meatball as well, the country is on the road to becoming healthier than ever!

This is definitely a reason to celebrate! By classifying all round foods as meatballs, the FDA has completely streamlined the process of eating well-rounded meals and leading a healthy life! Here’s hoping the FDA finds a way to simplify the food pyramid even more in the future!