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Our Patron Saint

The party’s over, it’s time to call it a day. They’ve burst your pretty balloon and taken the moon away. It’s time to wind up the masquerade. -Nat King Cole

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Vince Lombardi asked the age old question, “If it doesn’t matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?” I’m keeping score. Keeping score hardcore. Keeping score galore. And if you try to stop me you’re going to end up in an alley somewhere with the cats licking you. You don’t want that. You want this:

Now Ted Stroehmann’s boy has played a lot of football games. Yes, Brett Fav… ruh has done a lot of things. You know what he’s never done? He’s never thrown a winning TD pass in the last 10 seconds of the fourth quarter. Never, ever. Not until yesterday that is. Yesterday, Brett Favre threw a 32-yard touchdown pass to Greg Lewis with 2 seconds to play, giving the Vikings a 27-24 win over the 49ers. Hooray Brett Favre! And just so you know, that was also the longest game-winning TD pass in the last 10 seconds of the fourth quarter since December 8, 2002, when Tim Couch tossed a 50-yarder to Quincy Morgan to give the Browns a 21-20 win at Jacksonville.

Rookie rookie who gets the cookie? Is it Mark Sanchez? Is it the the first rookie in nearly 60 years to score a touchdown and throw a TD pass in the first quarter of the same game? No it is not. Matty’s the big winner. Matty wins. The buck stops here. Matthew Stafford passed for 241 yards in the Lions’ 19-14 win over the Redskins. Matt Stafford, snapped Detroit’s 19-game losing streak. How about that! How about this? Over the last 50 seasons, only two other rookies started at quarterback to end a losing streak of even 10 games. Only the imitable Mike McMahon of the Lions in 2001 and only Terry Bradshaw of the Steelers in 1970. You know what the once Blond Bomber always says. He says, “When you’ve got something to prove, there’s nothing greater than a challenge.”

They called Lenny Moore “Sputnik” for the fear he incited in opposing defenses. The called Lenny Moore “the Reading Rambler” and “Lightning Lenny” for his unmatched speed. They called Lenny Moore “Spats” for the way he taped his high-top shoes, making them look like low-tops. Well it’s time to give somebody else a nickname. Yesterday, Willis McGahee scored a pair of touchdowns in the Ravens’ 34-3 win over the Browns. That marked his fifth and sixth TDs of the season. Only one other Baltimore player ever scored six or more touchdowns in the team’s first three games of a season. That man was none other than, that’s right, you guessed it, Lenny Moore.

After yesterday’s game Terrell Owens was asked about Trent Edwards. After yesterday’s game Terrell Owens said, “I don’t want to answer that because whatever I say you guys are going to turn it to however you want to say it.” I want to say this: Terrell Owens failed to catch a pass in the Bills’ 27-7 loss to the Saints, snapping his streak of 185 consecutive games with at least one reception. That was the third-longest pass-catching streak in NFL history, behind famous Jerry Rice and the now infamous Marvin Harrison. In-famous is when you’re MORE than famous. This man Marvin Harrison, he’s not just famous, he’s IN-famous. Wow, in-famous? In-famous?

Tin soldiers and Nixon’s comin’. We’re finally on our own. This summer I hear the drummin’. Four dead in Ohio. Actually, just one. Just the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers’ loss yesterday was Big BenRoethlisberger’s first as a starting quarterback in the state of Ohio. Roethlisberger is now 11-1 in Ohio: 6-1 at Cincinnati (including a wild card win in January 2006) and 5-0 at Cleveland.

From the who woulda thunk department: Kyle Orton became only the fourth quarterback during the NFL’s expansion era (that is, since 1960) to win his first three starts for a team, throwing at least one touchdown pass and no interceptions in each game. The others were Steve Beuerlein for the Cowboys (1991), Jim Plunkett for the Raiders (1980), and John Hadl for the Rams (1973) .

I’m Tom Terrific, greatest hero ever. Terrific is the name for me, ’cause I’m so clever. Yesterday Tom Brady was clever enough to throw the 200th TD pass of his career. When there is trouble, I’m there on the double. From Atlantic to Pacific, they know Tom Terrific. Only three quarterbacks in NFL history reached 200 career TD passes in fewer games than Brady: Dan Marino, Peyton Manning and Brett Favre.