Girl on girl crime is rampant. I am consistently asked during my trainings and coaching sessions why women are often the harshest critics of other women. The multi-layered problem is driven by the idea of scarcity: that there are only a few spots at the top for women, and in order to obtain a coveted place on the podium, you must compete with other women. The commodifying language often used in male dominated work spaces further contribute to this myth: Which one are you? The one from Michigan or Northwestern? As though the leadership team is comparing tomatoes at a farmer’s market when talking about the few women on the team.

My high school career aptitude test said I should be a fish & game warden. After frantically googling what that meant, it was clear that my responses on the “Do you like the outdoors?” section may have skewed the results.

Obviously, a test can’t tell you what your life’s work should be, but I so desperately wanted clear direction that I briefly considered this career path. Alas, a jumpy person alone in the woods does not mix well with firearms. So fish & game warden was out. On to the next idea.

Trial and error would become the theme of the next few years of my life. I changed my major multiple times in college before graduating with degrees in Economics and Marketing. I took a job in sales, got promoted twice, and quit within three years. I tried to “find myself” by traveling around Europe for a few months. You get the idea. I was literally and figuratively all over the map.

The TV show "Mad Men" shows, in part, the journey of Joan Holloway from stereotypical secretary who dreams of nothing more than being the pampered housewife of a wealthy doctor into a bad-ass single mother and entrepreneur. Through the course of the show, she manages to climb the ranks until she becomes a partner in her firm and even brings in her own clients. At the end of it, her company is taken over by a larger company which refuses to take her seriously and essentially pushes her out simply for being a woman in a high power position.

I should have been ecstatic. I was offered a promotion with the title I wanted and a $15k salary increase. Why wasn’t I jumping up and down with excitement?

Like many women, I had an idea of what it meant to be successful in the corporate world. Navigating my way through male-dominated meetings, sitting at the table ensuring my voice was heard, and climbing the corporate ladder so fast I didn’t stop to catch my breath.

This was the logical next step in my career, right? Then why didn’t I have an ounce of enthusiasm?