Jon: Garfield, you've caused enough trouble today. Now you have food, water and company.

Garfield: [points at Odie] Which one is he?

Jon: Be good.

Garfield: Jon, he's hilarious. Be careful, she's a man-eater! [Jon leaves] Oh, no. He's under the spell. [Odie still looks for the hamburger in the cabinet] Okay, Odie. I'll give you one small clue. It's not in there!

Dargis: But that fat ball of fur could last for another 15 lives!

Prince: All right, I'll count to 100.

Prince: 35, 36, 37, 38... ..96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

Jon: Uh, oh, could you deliver this to the girl in room 407?

Garfield: 13 hours in a bag with a farting dog?

Garfield: [while at Buckingham Palace] Hey, lady! Got any left over liver? Oh, I know she heard me. They are dogs, Odie. Odie? [Odie whizzes on a soldier's foot] Odie, no don't do the ugly American thing! [the soldier looks down at Odie, and chases Garfield and Odie] The British are coming! The British are coming!

Winston: These are your ancestors, dating back 400 years.

Garfield: [bounces on a bedchamber] I could do some snoozing here, yeah. Even a king needs a catnap. Get up! Get down. Get up! This baby is spring-loaded. Why do you think they call me-- Highness?

Garfield: Does this castle make my butt a little too big?

Garfield: For those keeping score at home, that's 18 lives.

[Dargis notices Liz in the tour group and takes an instant liking to her.]

Dargis: Hello. Welcome to Carlyle Castle, my dear.

Liz: Thank you. It's--it's beautiful.

Dargis: [refers to her dress] Well, that makes two of you. Did I mention how much I abhor fox hunting, unless, of course, in self-defense.

Liz: Bye.

[Liz tries to walk away, but Dargis walks up to her and puts his hand around her waist]

Dargis: If I may... Uh, one question, uh...?

Liz: Liz.

Dargis: Ah, the same as our own dear queen. [offers her a drink] Cordial? One question, Liz?

[Garfield walks past sadly and overhears Dargis talking to Liz.]

Garfield: Liz?

Dargis: What would you say if I were to donate one of my priceless oil paintings to your conservancy?

Liz: Um... Thank you?

Dargis: Mm! But how would you say it?

[Garfield doesn't like seeing Dargis flirting with his owner's girlfriend.]

Garfield: That royal sleaze is hitting on Liz.

Dargis: Perhaps you would consider dining with me at the castle tonight?

They made a movie after that second miscarriage, that went directly to video. So they sort of shot themselves in the foot, the kidneys, the liver and the pancreas on the second one. If you had a finer mind working on them? The girl, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, she was sweet. In the second movie they dressed her like a homeless person. You knew it wasn't gonna go well.