an update on life and Alli and Alli's life

Life Rambles (2.20.17)

So I want to just talk to you guys about my life for a minute. I’ve been feeling very unconnected from my blog people for a little while, and I realize its like any other friend that you haven’t seen in a while. The first thing I always ask those friends is “How’s life?” because I’m genuinely interested in what my friends do after the last time I’ve seen them. Even though they usually answer sarcastically at first (those little shits, having the same humor as me, how dare they), they eventually come around and I get the update I was looking for. I find it so interesting because everyone’s lives constantly change, and there is always a need for an update. Even in the time you spend with that person, their lives change, new inside jokes are formed, new experiences come out of it. May be that’s why this blog is a lifestyle blog, because my life always changes and there is always something to write about (just a thought).

Any ways, I’d like to start where my previous rambles post ended, which is when I started school again. Many of you guys saw how freaking nervous I was for school. I was so damn nervous. If you haven’t read the post, here’s a summary: I’m a scared bitch, the end. To be fair I had a good reason to be nervous, and that was that the previous semester I had done mostly online classes and only saw people (besides family) a couple days a week. I literally kept myself in my room and worked all day long on my classes, making sure nothing was half-assed (and when it was, it fucking ruined my life). Now that I look back, there was no way in hell that was healthy, but it worked. I managed a 4.0 GPA with 17 units and I felt like I could do anything (school-wise). That part of the experience was definitely the most beneficial part of the whole process (the end). It was a major reassurance of my study skills and my capability of moving forward with the incredibly difficult nursing program at my college. That being said, I somewhat lost myself and my social life. I’ve always been one to “hate people” (more like prefer to be alone type), but that semester showed me how much I really appreciate just average human interaction (because like I said I WAS PRETTY MUCH ALONE FOR MONTHS). This was also a reason I started my blog. I was so used to being on the computer all day long, that blogging came pretty naturally.

Moving on to this semester, I’ve completely changed as a person (hence the need to make an update post). I take all in-class classes (besides one, lol I couldn’t resist) and hangout with people after school almost every day. At first, this freaked me the fuck out (NEED I REMIND YOU I WAS ALONE FOR MONTHS hahahah). I had some type of lowkey identity crisis, where I literally had no idea who I was and what I was about (which was another reason I drifted from blogging about my life because I had no idea what I was doing or why). But I pretended like it was all normal, and eventually it became normal again (like my life before BEING ALONE FOR MONTHS okay I’m done).

However, the addition of a social life obviously meant less time studying. I started to freak out about not having enough time to get the grades I know I could once get when I was at home all day studying. I knew I was capable of getting good grades, but I was unsure on how to do so when I got distracted by wanting to constantly hangout with people. The first big test was perfectly fine, since it was mostly information from my previous class last semester. This gave me some false confidence when it came to the second test, where there was hardly any material from my past class. It got to the point where I realized ‘shit, this is all new information’ but I had a really hard time buckling down to study. When I eventually did, it felt like there was no drive to study because I got so easily distracted (it was also Valentine’s day which did NOT HELP ME AT ALL) (tangent: We didn’t really get a V-day this year, but tbh it’s a capitalist holiday so its whatever, we love each other anyways so who cares what day it is)(oh plus I was sick, but I’ll get to that later).

But then. Dear god. I looked up my grades at midnight. And it. Was. Beautiful.

97.5% BITCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

BLESS UP!

I’m really excited to see my actual scantron and essay later this week to see what’s good. All in all, I’m really stoked about this balance of school and being social, I think it’s working for me.

But HEY, that was all school update, let’s actually talk about my life. So, I’ve met a bunch of really amazing people and it’s pretty neat. I’ve met at least one genuinely cool person in the majority of my classes (lol hey online English, I don’t know you people, what’s good). Anyways, I was thinking about getting a job (now that I’m thinking of it, that might not be the best idea Alli, chill the fuck out). I found this cool place to work, but the one thing is it’s pretty religious and I’m pretty not. Honestly, I don’t mind religions or religious people (like go for it bb’s) but it’s just not really my thing. No hate, no shade, just not my thing. I’m not going to get into religion though, I’m just saying idk about going for this job or not and it’s been on the back burner for a little while. Mostly, I don’t know if I’ll have the time, but we’ll see I guess (stay tuned lol). May be this job would make me more religious, I mean who knows, I’m down for anything, bring it.

Also, I was sick (super shocking because it’s not like EVERYONE is freaking sick or anything ha). I was sick for a solid 2 and a half days. In that 2 and a half days, I saw my boyfriend. He is now sick. I am okay. We hung out yesterday. He was sick. I was okay. He says ‘I mean you won’t get it right, you already had it’. I knew better. I wake up this morning with a sore throat. Boyfriend, watch your back. (I’m currently drinking tea with honey in a tinkerbell mug, and it has made it much better) (it’s definitely better because of the tinkerbell mug) (thank you, you fairy fuck) HAHA.

Another thing that’s been happening is my face has been breaking out. How fucking annoying. I’m thinking about seeing a dermatologist but like that’s money and I don’t know if it’s really worth it. Please someone give me advice. Sos. But also every time I get advice from the internet I feel like it does nothing or makes it worse so um guys (aka everyone that has ever been on the internet), get your shit together.

This is literally not relevant at all, it just looks cool lol

So wow, that was an update if I’ve ever seen one. In general, I’m honestly in a good place. Life is good. School is good. Everything is good (I mean personally of course)(There are quite a few bigger picture things happening at the moment that are very much not good)(take that as you will). That felt good to get off my chest(: If you read this all, thank you, if you didn’t then you won’t read this either so literally no point of writing anything to you haha but hi anyways.

I’m doing okay. Life is, as always, a bunch of big questions that don’t have easy answers. But this was a good weekend. I had people over on Saturday for the first time in six months. Things have been kind of iffy with my usual circle of friends the last few months; I don’t feel as safe around them as I used to. It was a smaller crowd than usual, but a small crowd was good for me under the circumstances. Work is busy and unpredictable, as usual, but nothing really bad. So I’m thankful for that. And I’m trying to learn to be more positive and find happiness that doesn’t depend on external circumstances beyond my control.

It wasn’t exactly new people… it was mostly the usual people in a safer situation. And one of the usual people, who hurt me in the past in a way that I’m still not completely healed from, wasn’t there, which definitely helped. It’s sad but true that sometimes the only way to heal is to separate from the person who caused the hurt, even though everything has been apologized for…

You’re right, giving yourself time to heal is a big deal. Apologies are always nice but in the end actions speak louder than words. Hopefully it will all get resolved soon(: I’ll send positive vibes your way bb💜