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To the First Man I Told I Loved Him

I woke up this morning thinking about you for the first time in over twenty years. I was thinking about how cowardly you were then.

I wrote you a letter telling you I loved you but it was mailed accidently. Once you received it, instead of talking to me about it and letting me know you didn't feel the same way (that wasn't true) you left a message on my home answering machine while I was at work to tell me not to contact you again; which I didn't.

I didn't plan to have you receive that letter, it happened by accident. I was getting you out of my system and by writing that letter, it was closure for me. Imagine my surprise when I got home that day and found not one but two messages from you asking me not to contact you again.

While I did love you and still do, I never wanted to marry you. I missed you but I really had no desire to see you again. I knew if we married you would be a serial cheater; throwing money at me to make me stay and present the "perfect wife" to the world while raising your children and entertaining clients to make sure you were successful.

You were handsome, charming, charismatic and probably still are these things. You were one of the best things to happen to me. You helped define the woman I became.

I am married now and have been for years. If I had married you, I never would have had the wonderful lasting friends I have now. I wouldn't have made the choices I have made in my life that were best for me.

Thank you for coming into my life, I will always be glad for that meeting.