Thursday, August 26, 2010

Do Not Do This

When you are sitting in a coffee shop working on an entry about the amazing stuff you saw at Stitches Midwest, and you look up what you know perfectly well to be a lace weight yarn in both Ravelry and Yarndex to double-check the fiber content, and you note that in both places this lace yarn is listed as fingering weight, do not accidentally exclaim in your outside voice, "Fingering my ass!"

*snrk* That definitely sounds like something I would do. Thankfully the vast amount of time I spend in libraries has reduced my outside voice to something barely audible even in a mostly empty coffee shop.

Reminds me of the time I tried out a new model of whitewater kayak, called a For Play, then exclaimed afterward, "My hips are sore from that foreplay." Fortunately, I said it among my whitewater buddies, not in a crowded coffee shop...

Reminds me of a time when I saw an advertisement for a concert given by a group known as the Callipygian Players. My immediate response (luckily under my breath) was, "Callipygian, my ass!" Then I realized what I had actually said.~Rachel

If you're in a coffe shop discussing handspinning, and more specifically spinning wild yarn, it is also not advisable to exclaim in a loud and disapointed tone of voice that "you can't go too wild because you have a small orifice".

Franklin, too funny! I met you at Stitches and asked you for needle advice. It was a real pleasure meeting you. I'm working a lot right now and I needed a good laugh! I'll let you know how those needles work out once I get a chance to try them.

Yeah, I always suspected that Fannie's Fingering wouldn't have that name if it were from a british yarn company.WonderMike, ditto about shafts and thigh-rolls. Also, discussing twist and whacking after a hot bath.

I've spent a long day at work, followed by an unpleasant hour in the dentist's chair, and had to deal with an uncooperative spreadsheet, a home network printer crisis and a disappearing teenager while fixing dinner.

That is rather like a local radio commercial currently on air where one can win the chance to be fingered four times a day. Of course A) they're talking of a pro footbal promotion and B) it's San Francisco where that doesn't elict too much of a reaction.

I read this yesterday and laughed hysterically... DH didn't get it at all... *sigh* I needed a good laugh and came back to read it again today and it worked! This has to be my all time favorite blog -- ever!!! Love you, Franklin!

I have to tell you, I relayed this story to my husband and he spent the rest of the weekend exclaiming "fingering my ass" at random intervals while a) working on the barn addition, b) eating lunch, c) trying to update our web site, etc. I think we've created a monster.

(As a side note, I'm just beginning to bend him to the fibery ways: "Honey, I think you'd be really great at spinning. Your attention to detail, patience, and perfectionism would be a great match for this." Now he's bought Icelandic sheep and said to me this weekend "I really want to start spinning." HA! Now when he complains about how much yarn I buy, I can tell him to make me some, instead.)

Shopping without my list is difficult in the grocery aisles. I resort to talking out loud-"Do I need vinegar? What about mayonnaise? Oh-I need bread." The other morning I was cruising along with my cart, when a very young employee eyed me wandering around and muttering along. He finally came up and very quietly asked, "Are you okay ma'am?" The interruption of my thoughts was exasperating, but I said, "I forgot my list. I have to talk out loud." He walked off very quickly, and I saw him later talking to someone else and staring. Wait until he gets older.

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