totally strange topic in the male forum

I am a gay male with a partner of 12 years. I've got a pretty good self of identity and of all scents (at least that I've smelled) that are me......However, I need a woman's scent.......

We recently had a baby (through a wonderful surrogacy agency from CA) and are really happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has been the most miraculous journey.

Prior to our daughter's birth, one of my sisters voiced her concern and ISSUES with our child and our lifestyle. It completly blew me away, I had previously thought that we were all OK. We had the whole CHRISTIAN and ABBERATION OF NATURE talk....all of which she could not be diswayed from.........And all of which I believe is bullshit....As a result, I do not need her in my life, my family's life, or influencing my beautiful Baby Girl!

Anyway...too the heart of the matter...On the fatefull night, I told her she smelled like candied shit...the perfume she was wearing was horrible. I do not know what it was....but it was bad and her response was "It's expensive!." She has always been very self absorbed, materialistic, and has a "better than thou" attitude. I have always felt that she always thinks that she is better than everyone else ( I know, this sounds horrible.....but after discussing this with siblings, we all agree...)

Although she pretends that she is "rich" (and is so pathetic, because she is sooooo far from it...), I am way better off financially (and taste wise....) I can afford some good stuff for her........just want to get the right message accross to her...

And here we are.....I have to attend a relative's marriage with her this summer and would like to give her a "gift". And actually a gift it would be....I want to give her a perfume that is great....probably a floral, maybe with a little bit of spice, that she has no idea of and no way to respond to. I want to make her a little jealous that I could give this to her....and a little bit, WOW, he gave this to me....

What am I trying to do??? She is so little and has no idea of the world........What would be the best women's perfume (or scent) that I could give her that would show her this and start her to mend her ways????? I know this is a tall order but I believe that scent CAN heal the world!

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

I love the idea of giving perfume as a gesture of scorn and superiority and as a way of humiliating your sister. But then again, I like reality TV, too. :-)

Are you sure this is really the best use of your time, money, and mental energy? Even though I'm seeing only your side of the story, it's not exactly making me think, oh yeah, he really needs to do something to inflame the situation.

When you get this bent out of shape about your sister, you're just giving her power over your daily life. You don't see her often, so don't waste your time scheming and plotting revenge. Just smile and nod and be polite and don't involve her in your life. I think you'll end up happier.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

If money was no object and I wanted to surprise a woman with a special perfume gift, then I would buy http://www.agonistparfums.com/public...ction=product3 I've had a sample of this, my girlfriend, her mother and my own mother loved it, but it's just too expensive sob sob, but it smells fantastic.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Originally Posted by Craig

If money was no object and I wanted to surprise a woman with a special perfume gift, then I would buy http://www.agonistparfums.com/public...ction=product3 I've had a sample of this, my girlfriend, her mother and my own mother loved it, but it's just too expensive sob sob, but it smells fantastic.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Originally Posted by cpk

I have never seen this before. The packaging is really amazing!!!!

Heres a review cpk.
Though, I think it an unsuitable choice in the situation described by the original poster. Respectfully, in that instance, I don't know if perfume will fix mend a rift. I echo Galamb's comments.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Is it meant as a gift that fixes?
I was under the impression that it was to express superiority in a financial and so called mature matters.
I also say, either talk it through with your sis or get her out of your life, but why this?

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

First of all, I don't think that you will get your sister to mend her ways; if she truly believes that she has better taste than you in perfumes then nothing that you get her will make her think otherwise. If it were me in that situation, I would probably be a total bastard and get her something like ELDO's Tom of Finland and watch her jaw drop in horror as she opens the gift.

Seek not the favor of the multitude; it is seldom got by honest and lawful means. But seek the testimony of few; and number not voices, but weigh them. - Immanuel Kant

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

First off - Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!
I must say that having children really changed my priorities. I've been a father for three and a half years now, and I feel like my sense of humanity continues to grow, while my ire and intolerance of differing opinions recedes.
If this gift is meant to make your sister feel inferior economically and aesthetically, I'd skip it. You'll both feel rotten about it.
If it's well-intentioned, you could order a pack of really nice samples and try them out with your sister over a bottle of wine or a pot of tea. Maybe some good conversation will begin?
If it's meant as a parting gesture - maybe deposit some money in a college fund for your daughter under your sister's name? I dunno.
Hope everything works out - and again, congrats to you and your partner!

Last edited by Matthew; 22nd April 2010 at 01:33 PM.
Reason: spelling woes

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Tricky scenario...and I don't care for either sides' arguments. Just remember, your baby girl was never involved in the monumental decision that could very well affect her growing up years. And this buying of a perfume for your 'self-absorbed' sis...just what kind of message are you trying to put across? That you could afford expensive stuff she couldn't? That you would offer her an extravagant gift just so she'd 'mend her ways'? I don't know the full backstory but if this is how you relate to your own sis, handle conflicts and getting all defensive about your own lifestyle preferences, there might be valid reasons behind her concerns over the baby's future. Most of us don't live alone in a bubble and having the financial means doesn't necessarily mean we are 'wiser'.

If I were you I'd work through my feelings and question my motives first. Picking a great perfume is probably the least important consideration at the moment. And it seems presumptuous to buy a pricey fragrance that your sis may not even enjoy... I apologize if my post rub you or anyone else the wrong way. Just didn't get good vibes from the thread 1st post.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Tricky scenario...and I don't care for either sides' arguments. Just remember, your baby girl was never involved in the monumental decision that could very well affect her growing up years.

I see your point but really, has any child ever been involved in the decision making that led to its birth or has it ever been guaranteed that its future life will be streamlined and carefree? The best one can do as a parent is love their children and try not to project their unfullfilled wishes onto them.

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Jaso, if you really want your new baby to grow up with a large loving family I would suggest you found out what that candied shit was and buy your sister a refill. Having siblings being judgemental about one's decisions, whether those are trifle as perfume or as important as raising a child in an unconventional family, is never something pleasant. Mend this up or if you don't feel like it don't escalate

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

I'm not known for pulling punches. Giving of a bottle of perfume would be the easy way out. I believe it would discount the severity of the situation. I am with the other posters, have a heart to heart with her.
Good Luck.

Last edited by silverbullet; 22nd April 2010 at 02:33 PM.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation." HERBERT SPENCER

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Originally Posted by cpk

Jaso, if you really want your new baby to grow up with a large loving family I would suggest you found out what that candied shit was and buy your sister a refill. Having siblings being judgemental about one's decisions, whether those are trifle as perfume or as important as raising a child in an unconventional family, is never something pleasant. Mend this up or if you don't feel like it don't escalate

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

Originally Posted by cpk

I see your point but really, has any child ever been involved in the decision making that led to its birth or has it ever been guaranteed that its future life will be streamlined and carefree? The best one can do as a parent is love their children and try not to project their unfullfilled wishes onto them.

Life can never be streamlined nor carefree. But brushing off concerns founded on social conventions seems like wishful thinking IMO. Better face up to them, prepare for future challenges and focus on building loving family ties instead of bitching about a sibling online or contemplating a severance of ties just because she doesn't agree with your personal decisions. That comes across as pretty immature for someone who's about to raise a child. Be magnanimous & acknowledge opposing views even if you don't agree with them. Celebrate differences. LOVE heals the world, not PERFUMES.

But I must congratulate jaso for having this baby. You must be thrilled! I'm raising a daughter myself and believe me, your little girl WILL rock your world!

Re: totally strange topic in the male forum

She will not like it the moment you will give it to her. Because it is from you. I am not sure if
you want to compete with your sister on who is richer or more classier or you want to work things
with her. Either way both you have to respect each others beliefs and that you have the same parents.
I am not judging you, just saying that you are trying to do something but in a wrong way.