Divorce: When A Marriage Falls Apart

We marry with such high expectations. But no matter how sophisticated we become, there still lives inside each young bride or groom the vision of “happily ever after.” A child or children join over time, and we become a family. But in some families, happy seems to disappear, replaced by conflict. And sometimes, even with our best efforts, divorce becomes the only option.

No one would suggest that divorce isn’t a trauma for all involved, even when it may be the best of the available options. And, at a time when the adults are struggling with their own anger and pain, as parents they are still faced with helping their children.

It’s important that everyone involved have support. For the children, parents are their first but not only support figures. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, parents of best friends, clergy or therapists are all possibilities, but who the selected person is who will provide the supplemental support remains a parental decision. What’s important for these support people to realize in order to be helpful?

First, recognizing that divorce impacts all children in differing ways. All families are difference and children within the same family are different from each other and will react differently. Second, having qualities of patience and calmness and acceptance of the children’s feelings, including that each child’s feelings will be exhibited in their own unique way.

And perhaps most important is the issue of “taking sides.” It is natural that relatives gravitate toward the side of their daughter/sister or son/brother. Both people in the divorce, however, are the parents of the children and will continue to be their parent. Children should not be put into a position where they hear a parents being spoken of in negative ways. Nor should they be encouraged to turn against either parent. This is a difficult but crucial attitude for any friend or relative to be asked to foster, but one that is extremely important for a child.

If you would like a FREE copy of our brochure, HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH DIVORCE: Twelve Things Every Divorcing Parent Should Know, please send your request with your first name and email address in the space provided. (We never share email addresses.)