Wednesday, December 15, 2004

In other news ...

In a hastily organized press conference outside Walmart, Don Que, the "Man de la Maza", announced to the media that he is halfway finished in his quest to finish the 155 day tactical regimen outlined in the book "Rapid Chess Improvement". Representatives from several major middle school newpapers were in attendance.

Q: What results have you seen thus far from your regime?
A: I have seen a dramatic change in my OTB and correspondence play. I would estimate the difference is 150-200 ELO points. During the second half of the program, I hope to get those points back.

In addition, I have gained 10 lbs and seem to be breaking out.

Q: What are your thoughts on reunification of the Chess World Championship?
Sadly, neither Kasparov or Kramnik will agree to play me. They are hiding behind their lawyers and spam blocking programs. I have also been informed by representatives for Judit Polgar that the restraining order has been made permanent.

Q: What has been the hardest part of the program so far?
The divorce proceeding was definitely a low point as was the foreclosure of my mortgage.

Q: What advice do you have for someone wanting to embark on a similar journey?
Cheetos are available in 5 gallon bags in ailse 12. They have proved a welcome balm to the trials of the Path de la Maza. You might also want to pick up some handi-wipes for your computer keyboard.

Q: There's rumor of a movie deal? Comments?
Though it is a bit premature to comment, a major media conglomerate is offering me unlimited rentals for $24.99/month.

The press conference came to an abrupt end as several law enforcement officers thoughtfully escorted Mr. Que from the scene in a county-provided cruiser. The hometown crowd bid the hero adieu with an impromptu chant of "Wacko, Wacko, Wacko...".

Further questions for Mr. Que should be addressed to county officials for the next 30 days.

It's time again to check-in on the Knights Errant de la Maza: Don has posted several must-reads in the past couple of weeks. In particular, I would recommend his reprint of an interview with the Knights' spiritual guide Michael de la Maza and an absolutely hilarious transcript of his recent press conference....