HOW
TO HANDLE STRIFE

By:
David Roper

I have come to the
very profound conclusion that almost all of the conflict in the
world is caused by people. I think my life would be much simpler
if there werenít people around. I could really have a great
ministry if it werenít for all the people. I would be a
great father if I didnít have children.

Unfortunately, Iím
not sure that is true, because a few weeks ago I read of a medieval
character, Simon Stylites, who spent his life sitting on a pole
because he wanted to get away from people. He came down after
eighteen yearsócouldnít stand himself. So I donít
think it would do any good to get away from people, be-cause we
ourselves are part of that particular group.

It seems inevitable
that wherever we go we have to be with people. And sooner or later
we come into conflict with them. I would be willing to go on record
as saying that today or tomorrow you arc going to be in conflict
with someone. Therefore, conflict is a very relevant subject.
I would like to talk about conflict in the light of two passages
of scripture, both of which have been very helpful to me. I donít
always obey these particular injunctions, and I donít always
handle conflict correctly.-but I think I know how to handle conflict,
for the Scriptures tell us very clearly what we are to do. The
two passages I have in mind are James 4:1-10 and Genesis 13. First,
I would like to introduce you to the New Testament principle in
James 4, and then we will see that principle illustrated in the
life of Abraham. James 4:1 asks:

What
is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?

That is a good question.
It is the question for which the United Nations was establishedóto
find the root causes of war and to eradicate them. The UN has
not found the source of war yet, and it certainly has not done
away with war. James asks a question that is very appropriate,
and then he answers it in the same verse:

Is not
the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?

The pursuit of pleasure,
James says, is the root of all conflict. The English word ìhedonismî
comes from the term that James uses in this verse and which is
translated ìpleasuresî in the New American Standard
version. Hedonism sees the pursuit of pleasure and its accomplishment
as the highest good, and therefore we donít think too highly
of hedonism. We see it as contrary to what we believe is true.

However, James uses
the term here to speak of the pursuit of legitimate pleasuresóthe
desire to be approved, to be loved, to be fed, to be housed and
warm, to be adequately cared for. Therefore, there is nothing
wrong with pursuing pleasure. What James is saying is that very
often, in the pursuit of legitimate pleasure, I will run head-on
with someone else who is pursuing pleasure, and that is what creates
conflict. It is not always illegitimate goals that cause conflictósometimes
those goals are very proper. These goals may be right, they may
be your rightful inheritance as an individual, but the pursuit
of them will cause you to run into someone else. That creates
frustration and conflict because, for the moment, your own desires
and drives are thwarted. James says in verse 2:

You
lust and do not have; so you commit murder. And you are envious
and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because
you do not ask.

It
is characteristic of James that he does not speak in nuances.
He makes a flat-out statement: ìThis is why you murder
people.î Most murders are crimes of passion. I read recently
of one murder that occurred because two men were fighting over
a parking space. It is just that sort of common, ordinary thing
that causes people to flare up in anger. When James speaks of
lust, it is not in terms of sexual lust. Our word ìlustî
is used almost exclusively that way. But James has in mind the
pursuit of any passion, any pleasure. If you are pursuing it ardently,
and if you are frustrated and thwarted enough times, you will
murder someone.

Then he says, ìYou
are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do
not have because you do not ask.î Now Jamesí point
is that it is not wrong to pursue things that give you pleasure,
but it is wrong to pursue them without reference to God. You should
ask. You should let God give you things that are pleasurable.
Let God fulfill you in his own way, in his own time, according
to his own time schedule. We donít have, James says, because
we donít ask. And when we do ask, he tells us further,
in verse 3, we ask with the wrong motive. We want to use things
for our own consumption, and so we ask with the wrong motives.
motives.

In verse 4 James
describes that sort of pursuit as being adulterous. When we are
like that we are a friend of the world. It is so normal to pursue
things that give you pleasure that you donít think of yourself
as an adulteress, or as an enemy of God and a friend of the world
when you do. But James is saying that when we pursue our own desires
without reference to God, we are like a wife who is pursuing legitimate
desires, but goes to someone other than her husband to secure
them. She needs money to pay the rent, so she goes next door and
gets it from the neighbor. She needs money to buy groceries, so
she goes to the man across the street. Or if she needs counsel,
she seeks counsel with someone elseís husband. She derives
her emotional strength and financial reward from someone elseís
husband. James says that is what we do when we try to satisfy
our demands apart from God. When we run ruthlessly roughshod over
people to get what we think is legitimately ours, we are adulteresses.
We are seeking our own pleasure outside of our relationship with
our husband.

Furthermore, James
says, we are a friend of the world because this is the attitude
of secular society. The whole world is endued with this philosophy.
Whatever you want, assert yourself and get it. When you align
yourself with that philosophy, James says, you have become a friend
of the world, and that constitutes you as an enemy of God. On
the contrary, God just wants to give. That is his heart. In verse
5, James says:

Or
do you think that the Scripture [James is talking about the whole
range of the Old Testament scripture, because that is all he
had at his disposal] speaks to no purpose: ìHe jealously
desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in usî?

If the Old Testament
establishes anything, it establishes that God is like a husband
who jealously desires Israel, his Bride, and wants to lavish his
attention, his love, his care, and his resources on her. The Israelites
flaunted that love and were adulterous in their relationship,
both spiritually and physically. God jealously desired the kind
of relationship that would be fulfilling to his people, and they
didnít want it. But God jealously desired it. And James
says that is the same Lord who jealously desires you.

In verse 6, James
says,

But
He gives a greater grace.î

He gives a graceóa
gift greater than you can receive by pursuing your passions on
you ownóa grace greater than the world can give, a grace
greater than any other resource. He wants to give, and give, and
give. That is the kind of Lord we have. He does not want to withhold
one good thing from you or from me. He wants us to have everything
good, worthwhile, valuable, proper, and constructive. And he will
give it. So why do we seek it apart from God?óbecause we
want it according to our time schedule. We want it now. So we
trample over people, and engage in arguments and conflict with
people because we want it now. God says, ëëWait. I will
give it to you. Ask me, and I will give you the desires of you
heart.î In verse 7, James says:

Submit
therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

There are really
only two alternatives in life. You either are resisting God, or
you are resisting the devil. If you are submitting to God, then
you are resisting the devil. You submit when you are willing to
say, Lord, I will take it from your hand. When you want to give
it to me, according to the way you want to give it, I will submit
myself to your schedule, forgetting whatever it is that is legitimately
mine.î

Therefore we resist
Satanís attempts to make us self-assertive and to grasp
things on our own. That is his philosophy. That is what got him
into trouble in the beginning. He wanted to assert himself. And
that is the philosophy with which he has endued the entire world.
ìGet it now! Assert yourself now! If you want to be on
the top, crawl to the top. It does not matter who you have to
crawl over, get there!î

This is alien to
everything we know from scripture, and to pursue that line of
thought is to constitute yourself as an enemy of God. That is
what James says. On the contrary, we ought to submit ourselves
to God, receive what he wants to give us, and thus resist the
devil. James continues in verse 8:

Draw
near to God and He will draw near to you. [Just like any loving
husbandóif you draw near to him, he will draw near to
you.] Cleanse you hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts,
you double-minded. Be miser-able and mourn and weep; let your
laughter be turned into mourning, and your joy to gloom.

James is saying
that we are to take seriously these bad attitudes that cause so
much distress and conflict in the world. We are not playing penny-ante,
we are not playing for nickels and dimes; we are playing for life.
It is a serious matter to destroy relationships, create conflict,
and tear things up. God wants to build, unite, reconcile, and
heal. To destroy a relationship in the pursuit of some goal that
we have is a serious thing. We ought to weep and mourn about the
attitudes that create that sort of environment. It is not a laughing
matter, it is not to be taken lightly. Jamesí conclusion
is found in verse 10:

Humble
yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.

That is a summary
statement of all that James has said before. Submit to God, humble
yourself under his hand, because, by the way, it is his hand that
is oppressing you. It is not merely that your neighbor happens
to want the same thing that you want at the same time that you
want it; it is Godís hand on you. So submit to him, and
let him exalt you. Donít exalt yourselfóthat is
a frightful alternative. It creates conflict and discord and destroys
what God is doing. It makes us an adulteress and aligns us with
the purposes of the world, which are contrary to what God is doing.
This is a serious matter.

There is the principle.
Now letís look at the illustration of the principle in
Genesis 13. In Genesis 12 we are told about the call of Abram.
He was called out of Ur of the Chaldees and spent some time in
Haran, what today is modern Syria. After the death of his father,
Abram was given another call and was told that he would be the
recipient of every blessing that God would give and that he was
to be a blessing to the world. The Hebrew term ìblessingî
comes from a word that is rooted back in the culture of that time
and means ìto bend the knee.î At the end of a patriarchís
life, the patriarch of a particular clan or tribe would bestow
the largest portion of his inheritance on the firstborn. The firstborn
would kneel before the patriarch, who would place his hand on
his head and bless him. That is why the idea of bending the knee
is foundational to the term. The patriarch would bless himóhe
would bestow upon him worth, value. The patriarch would give his
firstborn the resources that he had owned. Now that is what it
means to be a blessing to someoneóto give him the resources
to face life and its demands.

Primarily, Abram
was called to bless people in the spiritual sense. He and all
of his descendants would be the means by which the entire world
would be blessed. And that is true. It is from the Jewish people
that the Word and Jesus the Messiah came. Abram was called into
the most wicked culture of his day. He wasnít called to
be a separatist, to isolate himself and to live in the desert
in a cave; he was called to be a blessing to a Canaanite culture.

The account in chapter
12 records his migration south, down one of the trade routes,
to the city of Shechem, to the oak of Moreh. It was there the
Lord appeared to Abram and said, ìTo your descendants I
will give this land.î So Abram built an altar there to the
Lord. Then he moved on with his flocks and tents to Bethel.

Then
he proceeded from there to the mountain on the east of Bethel,
and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east;
and there he built an altar to the Lord and called upon the name
of the Lord.

He began to reckon
on all that the name of the Lord signifies. Godís name
signifies what he isóit is his character. So Abram now
begins to count on what God is, to trust him, believe him, and
act out of his resources. The account continues to describe Abramís
migration to the south through the Negev, and eventually down
to Egypt. I personally do not believe that Abram was wrong in
going to Egypt. God wanted him to be a blessing there.

But when he got
to Egypt, Abram began to look out for himself. He began to protect
himself. He lied about his wife and called her his sister, for
fear that Pharaoh would take her and kill him. Instead of being
a blessing in Egypt, he was a curse. The result of his sojourn
in Egypt was that he was escorted to the borders and kicked out.
Literally, instead of a blessing, he became a plague, a curse
in Egypt. But in chapter 13:1-4 we read:

So
Abram went up from Egypt to the Negev, he and his wife and all
that belonged to him; and Lot with him. Now Abram was very rich
in livestock, in silver and in gold. And he went on his journeys
from the Negev as far as Bethel, to the place where his tent
had been at the beginning, between Bethel and Al, to the place
of the altar, which he had made there formerly; and there Abram
called on the name of the Lord.

If you observe the
passage from chapter 12 verse 8 through chapter 13 verse 4, there
is not one reference to an altar, nor did Abram call on the name
of the Lord. He was going it alone through the Negev; he was counting
on himself, and that is what caused him to be a curse in Egypt.

What this passage
says to me up to this point is that the sort of demands that are
made of me, as a believer, are supernatural. Therefore, I need
a supernatural resource. It is only as I call on the name of the
Lord, as did Abram, that I am able to fulfill the demands of the
gospel. Otherwise I canít be a blessing to anyone; Iíll
just be a curse. My relationship with people grows out of my relationship
with God. The only way I can fulfill the requirements of chapter
4 of the book of James is to call upon the name of the Lord. That
is my resource.

Another striking
thing about this passage is that Abram had to go back to where
he was in the beginning in order to recall this fact. I get the
impression that as Abram moved from one camping place to the next,
he was trying to recapture something that he had lost. The side
note of the New American Standard version says in verse 3 that
he went ìby his stagesî back to the campsite that
he had established earlier. I think in each case he was looking
for something that he had lost. Something was gone. It wasnít
until he had gone back to the place where he began that he recaptured
the foundational truth of his life: he must call on the name of
the Lord.

Now the Scriptures
are not saying that we have to go back to the beginning and work
our way through the process again in order to get to a place where
God can use us. I am sure all of you have played childrenís
games where you move the marker along and, just as you are about
to win, someone elseís marker lands on your spot and you
have to go back to the beginning and start all over again. A lot
of people think that is the way the Christian life is. You are
doing well, and all of a sudden there is some huge, colossal failure
in your life, and you go back to the very beginning and have to
start all over again. After a period of time you accrue worth
and power and value, and then you are able to respond the right
way to people. But that is not true. That is not the picture of
Godís grace the Scriptures give us.

The point of beginning
is to call on the name of God. Every moment is a beginning when
you call on the name of the Lord. It doesnít matter how
frequently you have destroyed a relationship in the past, or yesterday,
or this morning. This moment is a new beginning. You can begin
now to call on the name of God and he will give you the grace.
Remember, he is the one who wants to give. He gives the greater
grace so you can respond in the right way in that relationship
you are destroying.

Every moment is
a new beginning. It is just like a golf game: every hole is a
new beginning. It doesnít matter what you shot on the last
hole; you are a new man when you stand on the tee. The only difference
between golf and the Christian life is that God doesnít
keep accumulative scores. Every moment is new.

That is what Jeremiah
says, ìIt is of the Lordís mercies we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning.î
That moment was a new beginning for Israel.

The Israelites could
start all over again. They could begin to count on Godís
grace to supply all that they needed.

That is what this
passage tells us. There is power in the name of Jesus Christ.
When we lay hold of that power, then we have the resources to
respond, and God expects us to respond. That is something we can
do at any time, any place, regardless of the failures of the past.
What an encouragement that is, because who of us canít
remember something we have done or said this past week that has
been very destructive in terms of a relation-ship with someone.
We would like to go back and do it over again, and we canít.
But in Godís eyes, it is gone, forgotten. Today is a new
beginning. Genesis 13:5-7 continues:

Now
Lot, who went with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents.
And the land could not sustain them while dwelling together;
for their possessions were so great that they were not able to
remain together. And there was strife between the herdsmen of
Abramís live-stock and the herdsmen of Lotís livestock.
Now the Canaanite and the Perizzite were dwelling then in the
land.

This reference to
the Canaanites and Perizzites is not merely to tell us that there
was a lot of pressure and competition for the grazing area because
the Canaanites and Perizzites had flocks there as well. The Canaanites
lived in the cities, and the Perizzites lived in the valleys,
so there was some pressure there. But the point that is being
made here (because of the place where this statement is introduced)
is that the conflict between brothers was a serious thing because
it was taking place in front of these pagans.

God loved these
wicked people and he wanted them to be joined to him. What was
most important to God was that his own people demonstrate unity
and love in the midst of this horribly debased culture, where
there was no love, no unity. The Canaanites and Perizzites were
dividing up into warring city-states, and no one could get along
with anyone else. That is why I said we are not playing penny-ante;
we are playing for lives. It was crucial that Abram and Lot resolve
their conflict in a godly way, so they would not display all this
ugliness to the Canaanite society. Verses 8-9:

Then
Abram said to Lot, ìPlease let there be no strife between
you and me, nor between my herdsmen and your herdsmen, for we
are brothers. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate
from me: if to the left, then I will go to the right; or if to
the right, then I will go to the left.î

How gracious! From
chapter 12 we know that Abram was given the title deed to the
whole land; it all belonged to him. He was also the patriarch
of that clan, and had the right to expel Lot and all his herds,
if he wanted to. That would have been the simplest way to resolve
that particular issue. Get rid of the man, get him out of sight.
He certainly had the right to do that. But, magnanimously, he
let Lot choose. He took Lot up on the mountain close to Ai, overlooking
the Jordan Valley, and Lot made the choice (verses 10-13):

And
Lot lifted up his eyes and saw all the valley of the Jordan,
that It was well watered everywhereóthis was before the
Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrahólike the garden of the
Lord, like the land of Egypt as you go to Zoar. So Lot chose
for himself all the valley of the Jordan; and Lot journeyed eastward. Thus they separated from each
other. Abram settled in the land of Canaan, while Lot settled
in the cities of the valley, and moved his tents as far as Sodom.
Now the men of Sodom were wicked exceedingly and sinners against
the Lord. [That is, sinners blatantly in front of the Lord. They
didnít care who saw what they did.]

The topography of
Israel was different then. It appears that there was no Dead Sea;
the Jordan River flowed through the Jordan Valley all the way
to the Red Sea, and the circle of the Jordan that is described
here is the fertile area that extends from Jericho down to the
south where Sodom used to be. It is well irrigatedó in
fact, that is actually the term that is used to describe the Jordan
Valley here. It does not refer to rain or natural sources of water,
but rather to an irrigation system that the Sodomites had established
that made that valley a fertile place, like the garden of Eden,
like Egypt.

And that is the
place that Lot chose. If you had your pick of all the portions
of the land, that is where you would go, too. Now that is not
true todayóyou would go anywhere but there todayóbut
at that time that was the choice place to graze your flocks. Lotís
choice was not only wrong, it was bad, as subsequent history demonstrates.
It was not many months before several Mesopotamian kings, tired
of the rebellion of these Sodomites, invaded the area and took
Lot and his family away. If it were not for the intervention of
Abram, Lot would have lost his life.

Some years later,
as you know, the city of Sodom was destroyed. Lot escaped, but
he lost everything. He lost his flocks and herds and the people
who were with him; he lost his wife, he lost his two daughters
(at least they were lost in that they bought the philosophies
of Sodom), and his name is best remembered today as one whose
descendants were the result of incest. He lost everything because
he chose without reference to God. He chose what appeared to be
best. He picked out what he thought would be everything that he
wanted, what would best meet his needsóbut he didnít
ask God. He just chose, and his choice was wrong. It resulted
in the destruction of everything he considered valuable and precious
to life. But notice what is said of Abram in verses 14-18:

And
the Lord said to Abram, after Lot had separated from him, ìNow
lift up your eyes and look from the place where you are, northward
and southward and eastward and westward; for all the land which
you see, I will give it to you and to your descendants forever.
And I will make your descendants as the dust of the earth; so
that if anyone can number the dust of the earth, then your descendants
can also be numbered. Arise, walk about the land through its
length and breadth; for I will give it to you.î Then Abram
moved his tent and came and dwelt by the oaks of Mamre, which
are in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the Lord.

From the same promontory
where Lot had seen the circle of the Jordan, God said to Abram,
ìLook and see. Look to the north, up the long ridge of
the Judean mountains; look to the south into Galilee; look to
the east and to the west toward the sea. That is yours; I have
given it to you. This is my choice for you. And not only that,
I will people this land with your descendants. You will have thousands
of descendants. I will bless you.î So Abram went on an inspection
tour of his land and camped on one site and then the next, until
he went to Hebron, a beautiful spot 3,000 feet up in the mountains
of Judea. He chose that as his dwelling place, but he owned it
all. God gave it all to him.

And that is what
God will do if you will let him choose. If we, like Lot, choose
for ourselves (and that is actually the term that was usedóLot
chose for himself) then God will let us destroy our-selvesóunfortunately.
But if we let God choose, then he will give us the best. Someone
has said, ìLot chose grass, and Abraham chose grace.î
And that is our choice. We canít trust our senses, we can
t trust our own evaluation, our judgment of what ought to be done
and when it ought to be done and how it ought to be done; we can
only trust God. When we let him choose, let him set the time schedule
and determine when and how things shall be, he will give us the
very best. As James says, ìHumble your-selves under the
mighty hand of God, and he will exalt you in due time.î

Father, if we
were to set out to determine the best way to solve our problems,
we certainly wouldnít pick this one. It runs so contrary
to us to give up our rights to say ìnoî to ourselves
and to wait, to allow you to satisfy us yourself. We do need
grace for that sort of decision. We thank you that you give the
greater grace, and that you continue to give, and that you satisfy
us with yourself while we wait. Lord, thank you that as we call
upon your name we are able to respond to these things. We thank
you in Jesusí name, Amen.