another attempt to document the life and decisions of a girl who's trying to find her place in the world.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

When everything is not going well..

This week, I've been really down. Everything is just not going my way. And I hate it.

I cannot eat what I love the most - chocolates and ice cream - in a very very long time. I wasn't allowed to see CDC this September 15 because it's Sunday. It was just because it was a Sunday afternoon. These past few weeks, there's nothing really going on every Sunday afternoon except for my commitment but the events doesn't really happen. It upsets me. No, it makes me depressed. It sends me to the bottomest state I could ever be in. I mean, it's just. I've always wanted to watch the UP Pep Squad make the world burn. It's just. I thought it would be this time. And I was near it! I thought I could have it, but then I don't. It really hurts. And I really have to cry. The third one is because of I'm so getting bored with my life here, I need to go out. I need to socialize with people, but I don't want to. Or there's no people I can be with that can totally understand me. I hate going out with friends I'm not really close with. The fourth one is because of I missed the chance of going to the Manila Int'l Book Fair. My friend went there today, and I can't go with her because it's not like I can actually buy books I liked coz I'm so broke. It's like the world has denied me all the reasons I can have for fun. I hate myself. I hate everything. I want to just die. I don't know. Life isn't worth living now. Everything is just not going well with me. And I'm forgetting how it is to be happy.

I just needed to write this down coz I have no where else where I can put it to.