Why Houseboating Is The Best Sport

NBA legend Karl Malone once referred to golf as a waste of pasture land.

“I look at a golf course and all I see is how it would have been much better off as wilderness, where people could hunt, and fish, and enjoy the outdoors like I do,” said the Hall of Fame power forward.

I won’t quite go that far since I have been known to take in a round of golf from time to time, but as far as sports are concerned, houseboating is clearly at the top of my list.

Maybe I’d like golf more if I could afford a $2,000 set of clubs made from materials used to build rocket ships or if I owned a driver that compared in size to the clubs used during war in the Middle Ages.

Another sport is tennis, but I’ve yet to find anyone who plays at my level, which is below beginner, by the way. Besides, my wrists and elbows hurt enough without going out of my way to wear out my body or to encourage heat stroke.

I’m sure boating has some negatives too, but of course I’m blind to them. I love houseboating the way a fat man loves Sara Lee because it satisfies something deep inside. One of the biggest advantages to my favorite summer sport is that houseboating involves spending time with my entire family, unlike the previously mentioned sports.

Still not convinced? Let’s keep going with other activities.

Walking is something I do enjoy, but mostly when it involves marinas. I’d easily walk a mile without realizing it if it involved checking out other front decks. I’m not a big fan of jogging and I have no desire to ever run a marathon—probably because I’ve never had a runner’s high. That must be one very powerful rush of endorphins because I know a lot of runners who live for this sport.

In my opinion, cycling combines the worst of walking and jogging. Bicycle riders think they’re peddling at a pretty good clip and they are—compared to walking—but they’re still holding up auto traffic. I know. I know. They have a right to the roads, too. Fine, but something’s got to give and I’m guessing it’s going to be the two-wheelers.

I don’t have a lot of hope for bicycling as a major sport and I won’t until they design a seat that doesn’t shut off blood circulating to my rear. Really, for what they charge for bikes these days you’d think they could at least install a comfortable seat. Also, some of those riders really need to take a look in the mirror. Those get-ups they wear really don’t match the bodies they have.

It’s interesting to see what sports kids favor because you would think this is what they’ll do when they become adults. A recent survey reported that the six most popular outdoor activities for kids 6 to 17 were (in order) basketball, soccer, in-line skating, baseball, scooter riding and fishing. I’m guessing texting is high on that list somewhere too because it’s both an indoor and an outdoor “sport.”

Let’s take a closer look at this list. After high school graduation, most kids will abandon basketball, soccer and baseball (except as spectator sports). I don’t think in-line skates and scooters will survive the transition to adulthood, so that just leaves fishing. And most anglers like to do that from a boat, so now I’d say we’re getting somewhere. I’ve got a good feeling about the future of my favorite sport and you’ve got to admit, there’s nothing quite like it.