Artist Mickalene Thomas on Her Film Happy Birthday to a Beautiful Woman, Her Mother, and Creativity

I first met Mickalene Thomas at **Jay Z’**s video shoot forPicasso Baby in July 2013. She was laughing, dancing, and having a great time. I’ve long been an admirer of her work—splendid portraits of femininity, likethis black-and-white photograph of her mother sitting across a couch in a pose not dissimilar to Manet’s Olympia, her silk robe slightly open, her gaze fearless and unflinching. Next week, HBO will debut a short documentary Thomas made about her mother, Sandra Bush—or Mama Bush, as she’s often referred to in Thomas’s work. Their relationship was not always easy—Bush battled marital troubles, bad health, dashed dreams, and addiction. Thomas filmed Bush at the end of her life, and the result is a touching and honest portrait of her muse. Below is an edited version of a recent conversation I had with Thomas about her film, her art, and her mother.

This film premiered at your solo show at the Brooklyn Museum in September 2012. Your mother, who was still alive then, had a chance to watch it, didn’t she?She was there and died two months later, just shortly after Hurricane Sandy—she died November 7, 2012. But she was able to see the film, which was great. She loved it. She sat at the opening, in the room I built for the exhibition, and her only disappointment was that I didn’t airbrush out her wrinkles. She said she looked old. I was like, “Mom, I’m not going to do that!” Everything else she gave the thumbs up.

What was it like filming your mother?It was cathartic. It allowed me to resolve issues as a human being, as a daughter. And it’s important for me as an artist because I use my mother in my work—I have since 2000—so it seemed like the next step when I learned she was dying. It made sense to me. When I photographed her in my studio, we always talked, we had conversations, but they were never recorded, they were just for us. This was different. I wanted people to really know her. How did she get to this point? What was her story? I’m interested in beyond hello. And I wanted to learn about my mother as a person—to separate from my relationship to her as her daughter—and look at her as the human being she was.

But I also wanted some of my questions answered. And I’ll say, for first-time filmmakers, I think interviewing your parents should be a requirement. It was something I needed to do in order to move on. I’ve made so much about her—I was really afraid that my creative spark would stop—that’s also why.

Really? Has it?It’s actually been fantastic. I’ve resolved things with her from the film and during the process of making it. I am able to really live my life and do what I need to do, to make the art that I want to make, and be the person I want to be in the world. When you look at death, it makes you understand the importance of the moment when you have life and death in front of you and you witness seeing someone deteriorating in front of you—it’s an overwhelming experience. If you don’t learn from that, I don’t know what else you’re gonna learn. It’s changed my art, it’s made me reconsider a lot of the things I’ve been making. I feel like this film and my mother dying allowed me to look at myself differently as an artist and as a person. I’m excited to put it out there in the world.

Is this emotional for you to discuss?You know, the emotion—it comes in my art. The kind of person I am, I can deal with things, and I do and I can, but I’m not a crier. I am around certain people, but I don’t show that side to many people, and I never have. It comes out in my work. All of the things I’m going through and dealing with—that’s why my art has always been from a personal space, it’s the way I entered art from the beginning. I started making art with art therapy. It’s what I know how to do. I got a lot of criticism for that when I was in school. But I think it works for me. As Frida Kahlo said, “I paint my own reality.”

And let’s talk about your mother. She was so charismatic on screen!She was amazing. She was was a force. I try to explain that to people, that’s why I wanted to do this film, I knew I was doing this big show, and I really wanted to articulate visually where the work was coming from. I photographed my mother for many years and painted her, and I wanted people to see the source: It’s my mother. I pulled everything I am and do from her, she was a fierce human being—such magnetism and energy, even when she was sick—you saw her: She looked good, she got made up, she wanted to present herself. That was a strength she always carried. And I’ve always coveted and loved and admired and adored that about her, despite me being her daughter, despite how complicated our relationship was. I may have hated her sometimes because she wasn’t the person I wanted her to be, but I loved her stature, I loved her strength—through the end.

And when she explains what it means to be the subject of your art—how her own dreams to be a star, to be a model were fulfilled, what it meant for her. That was heartbreaking.That brought tears to my eyes. It was never spoken, I never even considered—until she told me—that I was helping her fulfill a dream. I was like, You stupid, stupid person. I never really imagined until then—I was like, Wow, is that what I’m doing? Is that why I became an artist? Life is so strange, the universe is so powerful. It’s a testament to how connected we are to one another without even knowing it. I just sat there, tears rolling down my face, listening to her say that. No, I never knew that, it never dawned on me. That’s why I made the film that way, it brings you in; I let the story slowly unravel. You finally see that she does fulfill her dream, despite all of the things that happened to her. That made me very happy.

Happy Birthday to a Beautiful Woman premieres on HBO next Monday, February 24, at 9:00 p.m. EST.