I couldn't

I lost it before I started.
It was right before my eyes,
Intangible.
Yet I thought my primitive ways
Were offset by the sense I made.

I lost it before I started.
I'm a Black man,
Yet changed.
A vision of dissimilarities that are unspeakable
To the rational mind.

I lost it before I started.
It seems petty shit.
I can't explain why he plays an unblemished flute
Better than I who struggled so long.
He is six years younger than I,
And a doctorate in music was in his grasp.

I played and played.
But out of the grove, with my back against the wall,
I found myself disabled.