Until Katrina Newman touched his face for the first time, British pop star Paulie Bingham was content with his openly gay lifestyle. That he could be any other way never entered his mind. Now, with Kate tugging at his heartstrings, he begins a journey of self-discovery that will lead him through the best—and worst—times of his life.

Though her faith in him sometimes falters, Kate’s love for Paulie never ebbs despite his obsessive ways, his foray into drugs and his habitual infidelity. But will his connection to a high-profile London murder case prove more than Kate & Paulie’s tattered relationship can handle?

Excerpt

Kate lifted her arms and wrapped them around Paulie’s neck. “Have you ever been with a woman?”
Paulie couldn’t hold back a smile. “Of course I have. Quite a few, actually.”
“And?”
“And what? Are you teasing me, Kate? I’ve been round this block before.”
“What was it like? What did you feel?”
He drew in a deep breath, peered into her brown eyes, intent on expressing the truth. His truth. “Okay. Here’s the deal. Recreationally, I prefer men. Long-term commitments, I guess I prefer men. When expressing love, deep, gut-felt devotion—I don’t think gender is all that important.”
Her hands moved down his back, pressing hard, showing surprising strength. She tilted her hips beneath his, arched just a little. Paulie chuckled. “What do you want from me, sweetness?”
“Make love to me.”
“Ah, Kate. I don’t know. I’ve not—”
“It’s my birthday, Paulie. And you… you’re so beautiful. So incredibly sexy. I can feel it. You could want me.”
She was right about the feeling part. As her hands traveled over his bum, Paulie felt aroused. But she was female. It had been a while, a long while, since he’d had sex with a girl.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Love can be simple.” She rolled him off of her, put herself on top, and straddled his hips. “Why would you come here, lay on my bed with me if you didn’t want to have sex?”
Maybe he would try. She was so sweet, so needy. And, come to think of it, so am I.
“I suppose—”
“No. No supposition. I love you, Paul. Let me show you. We can do this; we can feel whole again and damn Jamie and Brent all to hell. Just now, tonight, no barriers between us. It doesn’t matter if we are men or women or whatever.” She untied the obi holding her kimono closed, slipped the silken robe off and tossed it away. Reaching behind her, she started to unhook her bra. Paulie watched in awe.
“Wait.” Kate reached to the nightstand, retrieved a small travel packet of moist towelettes. She withdrew one and pressed it to Paulie’s face, carefully wiping his skin free of the makeup.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He grasped her wrist.
“Taking off your mask. This isn’t about glam, or Paulie Bingham’s fetish with Ziggy Stardust. This is about Paul Phillip Bingham coming out from behind the mask and getting real.”
He wasn’t sure if it was her words, her motions, or her unconditional love, but Paulie’s reaction startled even himself as he tentatively pressed his lips to her mouth and offered his tongue. Suddenly, he did want her, needed her love, her acceptance, her lust. Desperate, nimble fingers found and undid hooks, snaps and zippers—even found a condom; and soon Paulie was locked onto Kate in a motion as old as mankind.
He didn’t stop to marvel at the change in his role. Didn’t seem to matter, for the moment, that they mutually shared in the seduction. Kate clearly adored him, made him feel loved and coveted. She was good with her hands and even better with her mouth. He returned her efforts with halting but affectionate moves that expressed his feelings. What he didn’t know, she taught him, and play-by-play, she was his match. Nearly an hour passed before they came up for air.
“Amazing,” Paulie murmured.
“I could use a smoke,” Kate said, toying with Paulie’s damp hair as he laid his head upon her chest.
“Me, too.”
“I thought you didn’t?”
“It was ruining my voice. I had to stop.”
She kissed the top of his head. “I stopped because you stopped.”
“My work is done, then,” he said with a chuckle.
He hadn’t felt so complete, so contented in ages. She had done this for him. A woman. It almost made him wish he wasn’t gay. He rose up, looked into Kate’s face. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For reminding me. For renewing me.” He kissed her again. “You are exquisite.”
“So are you. Your trust means everything to me.”
“Just so you know, I’ve never let anyone, ever, take off my makeup before.”

He slept, for a time. Kate watched with eyes she wished weren’t so clouded with obsession. She touched his hair, a wispy touch, fearful of waking him. For as long as he slept, she could pretend that he belonged to her. That he wasn’t gay, that he was a real boyfriend who would stay and cherish her and commit.

Character Bio

Paulie Bingham: In His Own Words

(as told to author Anne Carter)

Hello. My name is Paulie Bingham, and I’m a rock star. No, really.

If I had to describe my life in two words, they would be “train wreck”. My first derailment came at age 9, when I discovered that cricket wasn’t my thing—I preferred music and dance, but the lads on my block felt differently, and I still have a scar or two.

Being gay wasn’t too bad, that is until I met Kate. Although I told her otherwise, she was the first girl for me, because until around age 22, all of my lovers were boys and men. Just before my 22nd birthday, Kate showed me that I wasn’t 100% gay. Maybe just 95%.

Kate, however, is 100% straight. So you can see, our numbers don’t quite add up. Still, she’s taken care of me for ages and she’s the only reason I’m still walking around, singing, living life to its fullest today. You see, I derailed again around age 24, this time when I got into the wrong party where my dance partner was heroin. I was nearly dead when Kate found me, booted my arse back onto the track and set me on course.

Kate’s gone down the wrong path a few times as well. I’ve been there with a shoulder and a kiss. But she’s a tough bird, much tougher than me, and has fared pretty well. I wasn’t certain she’d make it through the trial, however. She wanted me to give up a secret, betray someone I just couldn’t harm. And the trial? Murder; The accused? Me. Derailment #3!

All in all, we’ve come out all right. I don’t want to spoil the story for you, but suffice to say that we all live through the pain and agony of unrequited love, jealousy, birth, death, betrayal and even that murder. And while we may not live under the same roof or sleep in the same bed, we will always be together nonetheless. Our bond is tested and unbreakable.

I used to think in terms of black and white, right and wrong. One way or the other, with no gray areas between. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Being a little left or right of center isn’t a bad thing after all. Just ask Kate.

Love,

Paulie

To hear Paulie share his story, check out his video at http://youtu.be/GzCBSkn0shQ

“I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else,” Anne Carter asserts, when asked about her life in Southern California, where she’s lived since she was two. She cites the people, the weather and the beach as factors in her love affair with the West coast. Family, too, provides an anchor to the area, which she describes as a melting pot of humanity, “rich with characters and plots just waiting to be written.”

While romantic mystery and suspense are her favorites, Anne has written middle grade mysteries, literary shorts, poetry and non-fiction. Long a lighthouse fanatic, it was only a matter of time before her obsessions intersected and a series of lighthouse novels emerged. Paranormal elements abound in both POINT SURRENDER and CAPE SEDUCTION, where mystery, romance and troubled ghosts provide hauntingly entertaining tales set in California lighthouses.

When she is not writing, editing or promoting, Anne enjoys time with her husband and children, two happy dogs and a psychotic cat. She is a skilled photo editor and loves restoring old snapshots and creating digital slideshows. Watch for the third paranormal lighthouse mystery, ANGEL’S GATE, coming soon!