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Friday, December 27, 2013

I thought we were going to cut back a little this year.Looking at the ginormous stack of presents
threatening to engulf the tree on Christmas morning, it was clear that we
“overdid it” again on gifts for the kids.

“Where’d all these gifts come from?” I asked my wife, in merry
bewilderment.

“We may have overdone it,” she confessed.

In the twenty-four hours before Christmas, the presents multiplied like Gremlins under a broken sprinkler, overtaking our tree and the
surrounding available floor space. That
was even before the packages from my wife’s parents showed up, which happened shortly
after they arrived on Christmas Eve. I’d
thought they were planning to cut back this year, too -- a fact hard to discern
as they hauled in giant trash bags full of wrapped kid presents. And let’s not forget the marque gifts from Santa,
dropped off on his late-night visit, including a bike for the boy, a big chair
with her name on it for one of the girls, and an American Girl "Bitty Baby" doll, which must
have cost the elves a fortune to replicate.

It can certainly be said that on Christmas, at least, our
kids are spoiled.

Kids take a rest during Sibling Secret Santa
Shopping Day. This was before the family
rumble at the mall's pretzel joint.

It’s not like they get everything on their wish list. Our family still doesn’t own an iPad – or even
a Kindle, for that matter – which they’ve wanted the past two Christmases.

Most of the wrapped presents are, in the words of the
five-year-old after unwrapping yet another box, “more clothes!”

They get clothes – lots of
clothes – as well as books, a handful of electronic
gadgets, family board games and plenty of toys.

It’s not like we're wealthy; Far from it.In fact, we may have to sell some of the loot
to pay the bills next month. (Just kidding.We’ll sell other stuff). In
reality, we don’t even spend all that much, relatively speaking.That’s partly because my wife’s an excellent shopper.She’s always finding deals, and always buying
stuff at greatly-reduced prices. If I
had a nickel for every nickel she saved on discounts … well, she’d probably buy
even more stuff at greatly-reduced prices.

Still, I often worry what the overabundance of gifts teaches
our kids.Are we teaching them to be
generous, and kind, and giving – like we think we’re being?Or are we teaching them to want stuff, to make
lists for stuff, and to get stuff.

I mean, what if one of my kids comes down with a case of
affluenza?Admittedly hard to do on our
budget; But still, it could happen.

We really try not to spoil them 364 days a year. And we try to let them know how fortunate we
are to have a roof, warm beds and shoes to wear.We try to teach them to be concerned about less
fortunate families, to care about others in general, and to find ways to make the world
better.We gather cans for the food
pantry, give our old clothes to the Rescue Mission, and try to teach them to be
concerned and charitable.

But are those lessons getting through?Or is all that lost under an avalanche of
gifts on Christmas day?

This year, trying to show them again that it’s more fun to
give gifts than to receive, we had them exchange names, picking from a hat and
each buying a gift for one of their siblings. We even had a specific day that we
all went out shopping for our Secret Santa gifts.

The highlight of the trip came when the four of them fought to
the death over the single Icee bought at Auntie Anne’s Pretzels and Over-priced
Icee Emporium. They never seem to mind sharing a
pair of giant cinnamon-sugar pretzels.But
stick four straws in one Icee and all hell breaks loose.I think 3-year-old Drew actually landed a
roundhouse kick to his 5-year-old sister's head.

As other holiday shoppers stared and shook their heads at
the melee, I thought to myself, “Yet another parenting lesson gone terribly awry.”

Still, when it came time on Christmas Eve to exchange the
sibling Secret Santa gifts (the only gift opened on Christmas Eve), it was clear they
all loved getting a gift for someone else.Was giving for them more fun than receiving?Heck no.They’re kids.But they enjoyed it. A small
victory.

But what finally rest my mind at ease this season of plenty came two days later.
On Boxing Day, after all the gifts were
unwrapped and evidence of our excess absorbed into our existing belongings,
we went as a family to the outdoor skating rink nestled amongst the buildings of
downtown Syracuse, next to the city’s giant holiday tree.It’s like Rockefeller Center without the
lines, the crowds, or the expense.It only cost
2 bucks per kids, 3 bucks per parent.Total
family cost: $14. Skating there is something of a Christmas Break tradition.

Skating by the tree at Clinton Square.
For the kids, as memorable as any gift.

As always, the kids all loved it: slipping, sliding, falling, learning,
and skating hand-in-hand with their parents and grandparents.As we waited for the Zamboni to clean the ice
during one break in the action, I overheard the kids talking about skating at
the same rink on Boxing Day last year.I saw an opening.

“Do any of you remember what you got for Christmas last
year?”I asked.

That’s when 10-year-old Maisie laid it on me, “Dad, that’s because doing
stuff together is better than getting stuff."Maybe spoiling them with gifts one day per year isn’t so bad. Though, the next time we get pretzels at the mall, there will be no Icees.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

I don’t watch Duck Dynasty, nor do I care what some random guy on a strange reality show thinks. But I do care about our collective understanding of the First Amendment and what it means. The First Amendment protects our individual right to say what we want without intervention or recourse from the government. This is a fundamental right in our nation, and sets us apart from many countries and cultures that would imprison someone for their words, or censor them before they say it. The guy from Duck Dynasty said what he said. He exercised his right. He was not prevented from saying it, nor does he face any sanctions from our government for his words or his thoughts. He is free to say it again.

However, everyone should understand -- especially former vice presidential candidates -- that the First Amendment does not protect you from all the negative consequences of your words, no matter how public those consequences may be. You are free to say it, but the public is equally free to react. If you chose to say something stupid, or bigoted, or idiotic, or even just something others disagree with – even if it’s something you strongly believe -- other free people have the right to disagree, to publicly condemn you, to boycott you, and to stop listening to you. Private companies often have the right to fire you. Commercial sponsors have the right to drop your show. And, television networks have the right to cancel your program. That’s our freedom, no matter what it is you believe. So, whatever you think about Duck-gate, what has happened in reaction is not a trampling of First Amendment rights. In fact, it’s an expression of that freedom as everyone else exercises their rights, too. Isn’t freedom great.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

I’m not
big on bashing posts by other writers. But I read an article the other
day that struck me as a bit off. The main message was that the sooner we teach our kids to be competitive the better --
the real world being winner-take-all, and such.Among
other things, the writer took a shot at coaches who try to play all kids
equally, and who give out so-called “participation medals.” He writes how
nobody ever displays participation medals, and that we’re teaching kids to be
losers. And so on and so on.Reading
the blog, you’d think the world is neatly divided into winners and losers, like
the start of a bad after-school special.

That I’m
still thinking about this article days later tells me it warrants a
response. (It had some good points too, like the value of hard
work. But the overt focus on training kids to be competitive didn't sit
well).

Participation Medal proudly displayed

in my daughter's room. ... Wait!

Am I raising losers! I hate losers!

First,
briefly on coaching: There’s certainly an age after which better players will
be rewarded with more playing time. That’s the nature of sport. But
to say participation medals and equalized playing time hurts kids is just
wrong. If you’re coaching anyone age 10 or under, you should do your best
to make sure all kids get to play – no matter how much skill they bring to the
game. It’s not anti-competition, or making them soft. It’s called
teaching them the sport.Kids that
age have a lot of developing and growing to do, which they’ll keep doing
through High School. Stick a 10 year old on the bench because you’ve
decided they’re too small or too slow, and two years down the road they could
gain the physical ability needed, yet lack the experience because of some
coach's boneheaded, overly-competitive focus on winning two years prior.Worse,
that kid may have given up the sport already because of a bad experience with a
jerk coach who thought he was mentoring in the Hunger Games rather than
teaching kids how to field a sharply-hit grounder. Knowing all
that sports can teach kids about teamwork, and hard work, and life, we want
them to keep playing – all of them.

Are
Competitive People Happier?

The truth
is, we don’t really have to teach kids to be competitive. Most enter the
world with a bit of competitiveness in them already. Think of a two year
old who won’t let anyone touch his toy. Or consider when you ask a five
year old to do something for you. All you have to do is follow it with
the words, “I’ll time you,” and you’ll see them hurry. We are natural
competitors.In all
aspect of their young lives, kids are bombarded with messages that have
competition at the core. On the playground, in class, and even in reading
groups; kids are ranked, measured and tested.

Around
them, constantly, are life lessons about the spoils of winning and being the
best. Star athletes make millions. Celebrities deified. Whoever gets the most votes becomes president (usually).Our
culture forces the thought of winners and losers on us at every turn, from the
Super Bowl champs and Dancing with the Stars, to the differences in the kinds
of cars we drive and the sizes of homes people own. Should we really add
to that by making competitiveness a central focus of our parenting?And, a
bigger question, are competitive people happier? Maybe in the moment of
winning they are -- for that moment. Maybe the chronic winners
among us get more stuff, find security, and attain a higher level of
consciousness. But I know lots of overly-competitive people who are -- to
put it gently -- a bit hard to be around. Putting it less gently,
they're kind of a-holes. Does the world really need more of those?Maybe
rather than competitiveness, we should teach our kids things they might not
otherwise learn in this often-hostile and overly-competitive world; things that
will enable them to find a happiness they can’t get from simply winning or
conquering or buying.

Lets
Teach Boys to be Kind, Girls to be ConfidentI believe
there are two things we need to teach our children that will benefit them far
more than just teaching them to be more competitive. The first is to be
kind; the second is to be confident. All kids should be taught both,
but one, I believe, is the primary lesson we should teach to little boys;
the other the primary lesson we should teach little girls.Before
anyone gets angry about that seeming sexist division, I think it’s obvious to
all of us with both sons and daughters that they do come out of the womb a
little different. And once out here, they are certainly exposed to
different messages, pushing them in different ways.

These two
lessons are meant to counteract the nature and nurture happening already.Boys
should be taught to be kind above all else. They’ll learn to be
competitive, that they should be strong, and that they need to work hard to be
successful in life (or network hard). They get taught this from
everything else thrust upon them in their young lives, from every
direction. They’ll race their friends, have snowball fights, and arm
wrestle. They’ll be given fake guns to shoot and footballs to
chuck, and they'll be told not to cry. The world
around will mold them into all those things that we use to define a “man,”
and conspire to judge them accordingly.But, if
not taught, they may never learn to be kind to others. Anyone who’s seen
a two year old squeeze his sister’s arm or heard how teenage boys talk to each
other or been to college knows kindness is something that has to be
drilled into boys for it to stick.As for
our girls, parents most need to teach them to be confident. They’ll
need that confidence to survive this world, which has the propensity to tear
them down, piece by piece. Consider
the type of competition often forced upon young women, all of it focused on
their bodies, on acceptance by peers, or on winning the affection of men, and
all of it potentially destructive. If not taught to be confident in who
they are, this competitive world can be an extremely dangerous place for a
young woman.Parents must
teach them that it is okay to be strong, to be independent, to be smart, no matter
what others would have them believe. And that, above all else, they
should believe in themselves.Certainly,
all kids – boys and girls -- need to be taught to be both kind and
confident. But, there's no doubt how emphasizing these specific lessons for boys
and girls will help them become better men and women.When you
think how much better these lessons prepare our kids to be happy and productive
adults than the lesson of competitiveness, suddenly equalized playing time and
participation medals start to make sense. We're not teaching them to be
good losers, we're teaching them to be good humans.With
these skills, they’ll be able to survive this competitive world without being
completely consumed by winning or utterly defeated by losing. They'll also
know that the world isn't divided into winners who work harder and losers who
are just lazy. Rather, time and chance and opportunity plays a part in
all our lives.If they
learn these things, maybe they’ll chose to measure their own success
differently than how so much of society tells them it should be measured.
And maybe they’ll put value in things other than just winning the game,
or owning the biggest house, or having the highest paying job, or earning the
most medals -- participation or otherwise.Those who
do, I believe, are more likely to find happiness. And isn’t that the
ultimate competition?Like the article? Know others who may enjoy reading it? Please share it using the buttons below or to the left. Thank you.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Looking up past the giant pine adorned with
lights, I could just make out the stars through a thin veil of clouds, as
remnants of a passing snow shower drifted down, mingling with the steam from my
breath as it drifted up.It seemed a peaceful
dance.Looking down, however, I was
reminded of the wailing, heart-broken five-year-old little girl who had just
collapsed in a snow-suited heap at my feet, yelling incredulously, “We missed
it!? We Missed it!?”

We had missed it, and I didn’t know how.It was supposed to be at 7 p.m., I thought.Yet, somehow it happened half an hour
sooner.And, despite my considerable powers
as a dad, I had no way to reverse time.

Memory acts as a powerful editor, though -- and thank
goodness.Just consider the thoughts of
some annual event your family attends.If we remembered the way things actually occurred, complete with
the emotional angst, mounting tension and complaining kids, we’d never repeat
our errors by attending that particular festival, or this annual party, or even
the regular vacation destination, ever, ever again.

The tears cleared up just longenough to ask for a kitten.

Yet the brain has a way of cleaning all that muck up
and leaving behind a memory better than the actual event, which in turn draws
us back the next year and helps create what become annual family traditions – a
huge thing, often, in the mind of a child, or even that of a former child.

This time, it will take considerable work if there’s any hope of making this memory as it was intended to be, with a
tree, and lights, and falling snow. Yet, I know
they will remember it.

For the past few years, we – the wife, four kids and I – have
spent the first Friday evening in December attending the annual Christmas tree
lighting in Cazenovia, N.Y., a cool and quaint village about 15 minutes from
our home, with its own lake, a small college, and a main street that serves a
picturesque setting for this true community gathering.Cazenovia also happens to be home to my
brother and his family.

The whole town comes out for this annual event, descending
on a large pine tree just a block away from the slew of shops, restaurants, bars
and an art gallery or two. Santa always
shows up at the tree lighting, too, delivered on a fire truck, to flip the
switch.And, then he shuttles off to
another location among the shops to take pictures with the kids and hear their
wishes.

Attending the tree lighting and hanging with the Caz cousins
has become something of a tradition for our family.That we’re often scrambling to get there
on-time (Friday evenings are tough for us); that we’re usually freezing our
butts off waiting for the tree to light; and that we’re always starving and in
desperate need of finding a bathroom throughout the event, and many other
negative thoughts, all seem to fade in our memories after each annual event,
and the kids and us just hold onto how fun it always is.

And each year, we go back to see the tree get lit.Next year, I doubt that will be enough of a
draw.

To keep perspective, nothing really bad happened, and we had
a fine time with my brother’s family and some other friends.But the marque aspects of the event – like,
say, the lighting of the actual tree – will not be a part of this year’s memory
highlight reel.To be honest, nor will
the meeting with Santa.No offense to
the big guy in red (Though, I hear it was just one of his helpers).Here’s what happened in 100 words or less:

The ordeal ended when we found our older kids with my brother and their cousins, dancing along main street in front of a particular store.

The kid in the middle is just aboutto bust a move ... I swear.

For whatever reason, the store owners were letting
all the kids take turns dancing to Christmas music in their storefront window, like a live display in the window at Saks Fifth Avenue. As odd as it was, that store served as the only saving grace
of the evening – other than the pleasant company, of course. All the parents gathered around sipping
coffees and chatting about how the tree was lit a half hour earlier than expected,
as children took turns dancing earnestly in the store window.It was certainly an odd scene, but also a
little fun.

And as our brains begin to edit, all the tears and
frustrations of the night will likely disappear.All the lesson will be learned, and the fun
remembered.

When next December approaches, I don't imagine anyone will be begging us to go to Caz again for the annual tree lighting or to
see Santa.

Rather, they'll likely ask for another chance to dance in the store window with their cousins. For that's how new traditions are born – a huge thing, often,
in the mind of a child.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A few guys I know are about to become fathers for the first time. Since I’ve had my share of kids, and ample time to ponder my successes and errors, I wanted to pass on some advice to fathers-to-be on the ever-challenging transition to dadhood---not the big picture philosophical stuff or the woe-is-me feelings of leaving your youthful freedom behind, but the everyday decisions you'll face. This lists focuses on the final weeks of pregnancy and the first few months of having a freshly-minted person in your home. It's just to get you started. So here goes.1. First and most
obvious, Get some sleep while you still
can. Every list like this is required to start with sleep, and you'll hear this advice from all new
parents. There’s a reason. You might never sleep again
after that little being currently making your significant other uncomfortable comes
out into this world.At the very least,
your days of getting a solid-night’s sleep on a regular basis are done for sure.By the way, it only gets better (which, in
parent speak, means it gets worse).

Sure, you might luck out and get a baby who sleeps through
the night within the first six months.Our first born did that---once. Or maybe you’ll
get a truly great sleeper, and you’ll all have normal sleeping patterns within
the year.It’s possible, but not likely.Even if they do sleep well, eventually
they’ll learn to scale the walls of their crib.Then, maybe you’ll have other kids, and every night from now on, one of those kids will be scared, hungry,
or sick, or come up with some other B.S. reason to wake you up, crawl into your
bed, put their feet in your face and ruin your night’s sleep.

We had our first child a decade ago.I can count on one hand the number of undisturbed sleeps we’ve had since. Most were at
hotels.So enjoy these final restful
hours.

More information than you could ever want. In "What to Expect," focus on Ch. 15 for labor and delivery, and Ch. 19 just for expectant fathers.

2. Read Whatever She
Reads.If you're lucky, your partner isn't a big reader of pregnancy books. If she is, try keeping up with what she reads.Even if you
just flip through and look at the pictures. Scratch that; don’t just look at
the pictures.It’ll freak you out.Read what you can. Though feel free to skip
to the chapters on delivery, since that’s where you’re needed---again.

My wife was a big reader of how-to books. I remember her still
reading What To Expect When Expecting when she was three centimeters dilated (Look
it up, if you don’t know what that means). I thought it was a total waste of time. And it may have been. But, there’s a
lot to know about birth, and a reason those books are so thick.As a guy, you’re already starting the process
with less inherent understanding and a predilection to baby-bearing
ignorance.If she reads and you don’t,
game over.

That said, don’t watch any birthing movies if you can avoid
it.It’ll only frighten you both.For some reason, they show these
films in birthing class, with the screaming and the blood and nary a boiling
pot of water to be found. The
time to show this movie was on that drunken date-night half a year ago. Watching a birth
movie at this point only causes undue stress.Besides,
the book is better.

3. Know when to keep your mouth
closed, and when to speak up.Sure, she
let you choose the tuxedos for the wedding, and you have a full vote
on the baby’s name. You may even
get a say on the paint color of the nursery.But
at some point there may be a disagreement about how exactly to get this baby out
of its mother’s belly.Trust me: keep
your opinion to yourself and support what she decides.Whatever she decides.Especially when it comes to the so-called
“Birth Plan.” Mouth closed time.

But if you're in the hospital and some medical student doing their maternity ward rotation comes along and
tells your wife to take a sedative, or morphine, or something else not in the plan, support your wife.Stand
up for her. When her actual doctor says it's time for the Pitocin or a C-section, that's a different story. But talk about this stuff before it's sprung on you in the hospital. Know her plan and do everything you can to support her.I made the mistake once of letting the fog of war---and the grogginess of night---get the better of me in the midst of a labor. A young resident came in and told us the labor wasn't progressing. My wife was dumbfounded. I just nodded. The resident wanted to send us home. Luckily, my wife's actual OB showed up and told us to stay put. The baby was born within the hour. We would've been on the highway headed home if we'd listened to the other doctor.

On a related note, do your best to remember everything about
the experience.There will be a quiz
later---possibly years later.

4. Be there.Sounds obvious, right? But trust me. From the last few birthing classes, to the
delivery, to the trip home, and thereafter, just be there.I made the mistake of
working on a political campaign during the final months of pregnancy for our third kid.I was there for the actual birth, at least
physically, but that’s about all.It
happened five years ago, and my wife is still a little mad. Understandably. Do what you can to be there for everything. Short of serving overseas, there aren't too many good excuses for missing this.

You may even think you’re free to go when a whole family of
experienced mothers, grandmothers and aunts descends on the homestead to show
every trick.Lots of men have the urge to get
out of Dodge, going back to work early, or to the gym, or to the bar. Don’t. Stick around as much as possible. Start a house project if you need to. At some point all the pros will leave, and it will by just you, the baby
and the baby’s mother. The only way you’re going to learn is by being
there.﻿

Now do you understand?

5. Invest in baby
wipes. Baby wipes are the duct tape
of parenting.Not only can you use them
to efficiently wipe poop off your newborn’s bottom and spit-up off a sport coat,
these little wonders can also clean off the grocery cart’s kiddie bar so your
toddler doesn’t get sick; wipe dried boogers off the lip of a preschooler;
polish hand-me-down soccer cleats; and remove make-up from the cheek of a
tweener who’s dressed like she’s going to a fashion shoot on the first day of
middle school.

Our youngest left diapers behind months ago and we still
have baby wipe containers in all our vehicles, and neatly stowed throughout the
house for any emergency wiping needs. I
just wish I’d bought stock in a baby wipe company back when I still had two
nickels to rub together.

6. Ignore the parenting bullies. You are entering a world with many questions and even more opinions. Some people are going to tell you they have all the answers. And they'll be passionate that their way of taking care of a baby is gospel truth. They'll tell you that a baby must be breastfed for four years; or that you should only use this type of diaper, this food, or that pacifier; or that you should let a baby "cry it out" in the crib so they learn to be independent. Do you really want an independent toddler? Strong opinions exist on everything having to do with babies you can imagine---and some of the strongest opinions are attached to very judgmental parenting know-it-alls.Practice nodding your head and saying, "Thanks for the advice."The real answer is that there isn't one answer. You have to figure out how the two of you want to do this, and ignore all the a--holes who will judge you for not doing it their way. Read up on everything, and talk to people you know. But don't let the parenting bullies get to you, and do your best not to become one of them. 7. Get to know your
kid. Here’s a big secret: most of
parenting is trial and error.While those books can give you a foundation, and you’ll learn a ton from other parents, most of
this you’ll have to figure out on your own, with your kid.
Because every kids is different. We have four kids, and each one had a different set of challenges and solutions.

Take
something simple, like how to get a baby to stop crying.(It’s not simple, just to let you in on the
joke).Some kids like to be sung to
with specific songs.Some kids like to
bounce.Some only cry when they're wet or hungry. Some just need to be burped.Some babies will cry because they want to go outside.I swear.Our youngest, the boy, would stop crying the second we walked him outdoors---it
started when he was two weeks old.Luckily he was born in July and not December.But each kid is a riddle, and all the books
and all the advice can’t replace figuring out your own kid. 8. Repeat after me, it's just poop. Before having a baby, you likely avoided direct contact with pee, poop, and the like. Good choice. But now, you're a parent. Soon, you will get used to your new and rather close proximity to all these things thus far avoided. It starts with spit-up, which may gross you out the first time it lands on your bare shoulder. But, within days, it will be nothing. Then your aversion to tinkle and poop, too, will ease. Before you know it, you'll be on your hands and knees cleaning up vomit with an old t-shirt, muttering things like, "I'm going to need a shower one of these days." Welcome to parenthood.

9. Know your place, and like it. Being a dad is pretty cool---once you get past the overwhelmed and anxious phase---but it’s not the same as being a mother.Babies love their mothers.Accept it.They’ll love you too, just probably not as much.Maybe someday it will even out, when it’s time to play catch in the yard or to learn how to drive stick.But a mother is a mother.Unless, of course, you get a baby that's a daddy's girl or daddy's boy right out of the gate. If so, enjoy your new number one fan ... but try not to flaunt it. More than likely, you're newborn will prefer its mother, being a source of sustenance and all. Don’t be jealous, just enjoy the proximity, and be the father.It’s a good place, and an important job.

10. Make time to hold
your new child.With all the
visitors clamoring to hold, burp, and sing to your baby, and the newborn’s
incessant need to be held by mom---especially if nursing---the dad can get lost
in the shuffle.Find your time.It may be late at night.Maybe even really late.Find it.I still remember lying on our bed ten years ago with my new three-day-old
baby girl on my chest late one night, the rest of the house asleep, just
holding her and talking to her and being the only one in her world for a
moment.It feels like yesterday. Trust
me, they don’t stay small for long. Hold your child and cherish the moment.

That should be enough to get you safely through the birth
and into the first few months of being a parent. Except the baby wipe thing; that’ll help until
they go away to college.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

From the Kids Say the Darndest Things file: During a recent bedtime at the In-laws over Thanksgiving
weekend, 3-year-old Drew and 5-year-old Sadie were snuggled into the middle of the
guest room bed being read their bedtime stories.When the second book was finished, Drew voiced his desire
for a third bedtime book by stating, “I need another book.”It just so happens that Sadie has been learning recently
about the difference between “need” and “want.”We try to teach it at home, and apparently they’ve been discussing it in
Kindergarten as well.With these lessons fresh in her mind, Sadie saw a teaching moment
for Drew.“Drew,” she began rather kindly for someone about to impart such an important lesson. “You don’t need
another book. You want another book. All you need is water
and food … and someone to love you.”

﻿

Needs include food, water and ... a baby walker?

She must’ve added that last one herself – or picked it up at
school.When I give the old “need v. want”
lecture, I never quite remember the “someone to love you” part.

I was happy to witness the exchange, and content that my five year old actually does listen to what we say. Heck, she even understands it.

But Sadie wasn’t done.As Drew put an arm behind his head and looked up at the
ceiling to ponder this lesson, his sister took her time thinking and carefully adding to the
list.

“You also need a home… (pause)

And a bed … (another pause)

And someone to take care of you when you’re sick.Like a parent, or an aunt, or a grandmother …
or an older cousin who’s like a teenager. … (pause)

I guess that’s kind of like someone who loves you.”

She quieted down for almost a minute, and I mistook the silence for the two of them possibly falling asleep. Then she started anew.

“You also need a pet, like a dog or a kitten. (pause)

… And if you’re a baby, you need a walker, so you can learn how to
walk. Though, I guess you could learn to walk without a walker.It would be hard...(pause)

… You also need toys, to play with.”

Drew thought he was understanding how it all worked, and
offered up his own.

“Do you need candy?”

Sadie drew the line there.“No, you don’t need candy.You
want candy.”

Drew disagreed, “I need candy.”

“You both need to go to bed,” I said, sadly ending this
important life lesson by a five year old. Clearly, we all needed some sleep.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Like most parents, we’ve had our struggles with potty
training.Luckily, our youngest gave up diapers
earlier this year.He still has the
occasional accident, but he’s working on
it.If he hadn’t already ditched diapers, we would have had a new option, brought to
consumers this holiday season by the twisted, lazy minds over at CTA Digital. You’ve heard of the electronic baby sitter.Meet the electronic baby sh**ter: The iPotty.This little number has rightly been nominated as one of the worst “toys” of the year – for good reason. (It's been around for a few months, but is getting a big push this shopping season. Get it? Big push.)Not only does it prey on all the frustrated parents
out there, leveraging the addiction to technology that so easily afflicts our
kids.But it ignores one of the most
important aspects of potty training.Kids need to know when they have to go, and then decide to go, and then control that urge until they are sitting on their potty.﻿

Doe it come in adult sizes?

Distracting them with electronics as they sit on a toilet, turning them into little Zombies until
the tinkle or poo falls out of them only solves a small part of the problem. In fact, it may even cause more problems later.I certainly understand why some parents might like this idea. Just getting little Jimmy to sit on the toilet can seem like half the problem. It's not. After that first "I did it" moment, you still have months of work ahead. Take it from a dad who’s seen it, even a well potty-trained toddler
can have an accident when distracted.In
fact, that’s what causes most of our boy’s accidents these days: Distraction. I can only imagine how many more accidents he’d
have if we’d used the iPotty to train him.We’d essentially have programed him to pee or poop every time he’s
distracted by electronics.I can just
imagine having to move a permanent potty seat into the living room so we can have
family movie night without soiling the couch each time.“I don’t know what’s come over him.Every time we turn on a screen, he has to go
to the bathroom.”

No thanks.

But this gift is offensive on so many other levels.Sure many parents use television or other electronics
on occasion to help control their kids – similar to how wardens use cable TV
to keep the inmates calm.That doesn’t mean we want to use technology at
every turn to train their behavior. Our use of the electronic babysitter is by necessity, not by design. In fact,
I believe we’d be better off training them not to be so dependent on technology.Is
there an app for that?

So now we have the iPotty as an option to help us hapless
parents struggling with potty training.What’s next, baby mobiles with iPhones
dangling over the crib? Strollers with built in DVDs? Or maybe iPads attached
to the ceiling over their beds to get them to go to sleep?

Hopefully, parents everywhere reject the iPotty, and this insulting idea ends up in the crapper -- where it belongs.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Whether you’re a casual reader of internet content or a
writer working every day to get articles published, you’ve likely noticed the abundance
of headlines containing numbers.It seems everywhere you look there are this
many points of advice, that many ways to do something, and so many tips for some
special occasion. Even articles that
could otherwise be boring straight stories are twisted into some form of a
list and topped with a digit-infused, click-inviting catchy headline. And when
adorned so, the public clicks it, reads it, and shares it.

As a writer or a reader of content, it’s important to know
why having a number in a headline is so essential, because a reason exists.In fact, there are seven reasons.

1.People like numbers, and really love lists.Magazine editors have known this little
factoid about readers for years.Just
walk down the magazine aisle of the local book store---which is the last place you
can still find magazines---and you’ll see. (Daddy, what’s a book store. Not now, child). Blaring from the covers are titles like, “11
Ways to Stay Sexy,” “27 Holiday Deserts,” “5 Ab-Sculpting Excercises,”15 Reasons Not To Buy Magazines.That last one was just an observation.Apparently, odd numbers are more effective
than even numbers.But, even or odd, everyone
loves a good list. Lists sell.

2. Numbers
make an article seem more authoritative.Well-ordered lists give readers the impression that there has been some
level of research.When you see an
article titled, “100 Best Cities To Own a Pet,” you assume the author used
quantifiable data to draw these conclusions – like access to dog parks,
affordable dog food, availability of little plastic baggies to ease gathering of
poo.When you see a nice long list like
that, you’d never imagine some struggling writer sitting at their home computer
in their pajamas surrounded by groveling kids as he strains to think of one
more city where potential readersmight
need a boost in their pet-owning confidence, giving them something else to talk
about at the dog park later that day.And with a properly-numbed list, they will be
able to speak with authority---“We’re the 27th best medium-sized
city in which to own a pet… pretty cool, ay?” (Apparently, that city is in Canada).

People always respond well to a good list. For example, the15 Commandments. ... Make that the Ten Commandments.

3.Reading several
funny things is more fun than reading just one funny thing. When’s
the last time someone shared a link to the “Single funniest smart phone autocorrect.”It doesn’t happen.Multiple smart phone autocorrects are much,
much funnier.It works kind of like an
evening comedy gala.Some autocorrects
warm up the audience.Some aren’t quite
as funny as the last one. Others kill
it.By the end of the list, there may be
a few favorites.But would they have
been as funny alone?Heck no.Writing a humorous list is better than
writing one decent joke.Think about it,
would we even know who David Letterman is if he had the nightly Top One List?(Daddy, who’s David Letterman? … Not now!).

4.Numbered
lists are finite.That’s a fact more
than a philosophical statement.And
the finiteness of an article lets the reader know the level of investment needed to get through
the piece.Readers especially like to
know this when struggling to get through a boring article. When reading a magazine or a book, they can flip
to the end to see how much longer you’ve got until you get closure on that
thing. Anyone who's read an Atlantic Monthly article knows the feeling.But, have you ever scrolled to the end
of an internet article for the same reason?No.You usually just click away
and check it off in your mind as, “I read that article.” Of course, this
problem could be corrected with better writing.But it’s far easier to just turn the whole thing into a numbered list. Then readers always know how much more they
must endure.(Don’t worry, we’ve only
got three more bullets).

5.Lists and numbers can increase “Page Views.” What is this "page view" thing you speak of? This one may be a bit cynical, but here
goes.Research shows we are more likely to
click on stories that have numbers in the headline. By research I mean any free web-based analytics
service, not scholarly studies. But, we know people
like lists, and numbers increase clicks.More importantly, articles written as numbered lists can be broken up
into multiple internet "pages." That’s why website with the list of top colleges, or best
places to retire, or the best dishes to make with zucchini always make you click on that
“next” button to go to another page. You'll do just about anything to get rid of all that extra zucchini, right. So you click. And click. And click. One
reader and one article can produce multiple page views.Here comes the cynical part:Most commercial websites base ad rates and
article success on page views.So, you
click through one darn article and you might as well be ten readers.Cha-ching. Cha-ching.

6.Everbody’s
Doing It.What kind of reason is that?
It’s not really, except that new media trends tend to leave people in the dust
if they fail to keep up.Calling lists
the latest thing may be a bit of a stretch, since they’ve been around since the
internet was on the top-five list of things Al Gore invented.But there is
no doubt lists are especially hot now. Just
look at your favorite website, or your Facebook feed.You are guaranteed to find at least one
numbered list there.Some of the most
popular sites and most-shared articles are nothing but lists.Heck, BuzzFeed's whole thing is lists like “23
Truths About Living In Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.”And social media consumers eat that crap up.I love number 17, and I’ve never been to the
U.P.

7.Seven. Seven? What was number seven? I was sure there was a seventh reason. I mean, I would have titled it “6 Reasons To Put Numbers In Headlines,” otherwise. Or even stopped at five. Then I wouldn’t have had to struggle through number six, which really didn’t say anything. And I would have kept it an odd number. Hmm. How about one for the writers, rather than the readers? So here we go: It makes your article more marketable.By all accounts, magazine editors and web gatekeepers at the places every freelance web writer wants to get published are actually people. And people love lists, remember, especially editor-type people. See, I told you there were seven reasons. So just remember. When writing an article, consider making it a list. And if writing a headline, think about what number fits. If you don't believe me, Google "How to write effective headlines." You'll find articles about the need to use numbers, and several article with numbers in their headlines. See, I told you so.Now you should probably share this, being as it has a number in the headline and all.

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About Me

I'm a writer, a husband and a father of four. I once worked in news in Washington, D.C., and served as a speechwriter for a spell. Now I work in upstate New York, teach and help raise our kids. This is where I write about it.