Hm. I have conflicting emotions these days about a hard hand of solitaire/freecell that is only won after multiple tries of multiple strategies. There's the win of conquering the problem, of using reason and persistence to bring order to the universe... But then there's also the realization that in the real world, the universe does not give you infinite chances and that having learned how to address an issue may not be of any use, since you cannot replay the game - each scenario is different and the rules ever-changing, the only real constant is that nothing is ever the same.

I've always liked the idea that dreams help us to test scenarios for use in real life. Perhaps you are learning to identify which strategy is best to use at an earlier point in the game? Being able to observe and plan, and reinforcing these skills in your downtime, is valuable, no? Even if it doesn't do any of these things, if playing and meeting those challenges gives you pleasure, it sounds good to me.

Is it fair to compare life to solitaire? Solitaire has a set of rules, a limited number of cards or events, all of those characters or events, although they may come up in an unknown order, are valued at just what you see -- unless you have some special cards, they are difficult to misread, you know exactly where they are supposed to go, just what purposes they can and cannot serve you, they don't change throughout the game no matter how long they sit in front of you. The cards also obey you perfectly -- if you flip one, it flips, if you place one in a stack, it goes to the stack and stays there until you move it. They don't even fight with one another if you place a ten on a Jack it doesn't like. There is one goal you have and know through the entire game -- clear the cards.

It is rather saddening in some way, I would agree. However, there is only one way to win solitaire. You don't get to choose the way you win solitaire and if you placed the cards in such stacks that from afar their colors blended to make a trichromatic Mona Lisa, you still wouldn't win solitaire. If you built Helm's Deep of playing cards, you wouldn't win solitaire. When cards you can use come up, most likely the only reason this might make you happy is because you can use them, not because they really enrich your life in some way. There's only so much surprise they can give you (which I realize might be a good thing in some instances, but haven't you ever been super pleasantly surprised?) Just maybe, though, if you wish to think of it so... Maybe life is kind of like solitaire. Events recur, and they might change form or appearance, but similar strategies might be applicable. Sometimes they might not even form -- have you ever learned from a mistake and avoided repeating it? So long as you keep living, the game isn't over and even when all feels hopeless, maybe it just means you could use a break from staring at the cards, but you've still got chances and opportunities to win.

Just my thoughts. I sincerely hope it did not come across as lecturing or antagonistic or preachy or anything of that sort. I sincerely hope I didn't make you feel worse with it -- I honestly just meant it as thoughts, hopefully ones that might make a little hole in the melancholy, but if you feel you need to just be melancholy for a while and get it out of your system (if that's how it works for you -- I do not know), then please ignore. Long wordiness short, please forgive me if any of that made things worse, I just hope you feel better soon.