Values Jokes

Funny Jokes

The next generation embeddable scripting language for the web!JehovaScript (JS) is a powerful language with many advantages overcurrent scripting systems. Its features include active alerts, amiracle system and error-collection. Rather than being defined asDOM-compliant, object-oriented or nth-generation, JS isBuzzword-Compliant, so your place at the forefront of technology isguaranteed regardless of trend-changes in the world of computing.Main featuresMiraclesEach run of a JS program is entitled to three miracles. This allowsyou to deal gracefully with unexpected problems: you can create theneeded RAM if memory allocation fails, or temporarily change theuser's browser if the current browser does not support a certainfeature of the language.Polymorphic constantsRather than create specialized logic for different situations, you canchange the interpreters beliefs about constants. For example, the more...

BURNOUT PREVENTION AND RECOVERY1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admitthe stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, oremotionally.MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you intounconsciousness.2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacieswith friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, butalso is anathema to agitation and depression.MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the insideso no-one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt yourproductivity.3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationships, a situation,or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstances, or ifnecessary, leave.MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, supressthese thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. ( It's free.)4. DIMINISH more...

In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning anyclass of people, I thought I'd put together some examplesof humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Notehow these jokes arise from existing ones that are notpermitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes andcoffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drinkcoffee for religious reasons.RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a shortrest between job tasks?Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racismand classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species aswell. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.RIGHT: more...

This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: A. the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: A. the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: A. find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: A. my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.5. What do you think of your strength? I am: A. more...