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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The Acceptance of Chaos

I was watching The Olympics and saw a piece on Bob Bowman- the coach to Michael Phelps, American all-time record holding gold medal winner. Bowman said one of his goals in training was to make sure Phelps was familiar with chaos and he wanted to measure up how Michael performed- not when things were in an optimal state--but when things went wrong. Because that's the difference between someone being a good swimmer, and someone being an Olympian.

In order to do this-Bowman stepped on his goggles before a meet so they filled with water. He had a driver show up late so they would miss dinner one night. He did many little things to make life difficult in order to push Phelps to that extra level so he would be ready for anything that happened.

When Phelps swam in the Beijing games his goggles broke and filled with water during his 200-meter butterfly. Something like that could easily throw someone a fraction of a second off their game and make the difference between gold and nothing. But Michael counted his strokes-something he had been taught to do by his coach in practice, and the ability to handle that adversity not only helped him finish the race- but it brought him the gold medal.

Although I'm sure they sucked at the time- those tough-love lessons paid off in the end. Because strength in life doesn't mean you can have a smile on your face on the most perfect of days, strength means that you have a smile and handle anything that comes at you--on the really rough ones. Some mornings I give myself a locker room pep talk in my bathroom. Right now is one of those times.

I can do this...

Today I got a free pair of adorable shoes.

Except they weren't really shoes...They were booties.

And they weren't really adorable, actually...

I went in for a diagnostic nerve block so we can find out the nerve/muscle causing of the headache I've had for 6 weeks now. Remember Ted- the jerk causing me pain in my neck? Yes, he never left. A 14 minute procedure took a total of 4 hours of waiting in a surgery center. And pain and injury is as much mental as it is physical. And sometimes the physical is the easy part.

And so the Dr. stuck a bunch of needles into the joints and nerves in my neck- and straight to my spine....Awesome. And the sucky part is- this is not a treatment protocol- just a diagnostic one...and to get any kind of permanent pain relief- they have to repeat this nerve block to confirm the same results again first. And my next appointment was the next one available---in a month. Looks like Ted isn't leaving any time soon.Double Awesome...Can you hear the awesome in my voice?

And it's funny, so often during the day I just want alone time, time to relax by myself. And during that 4 hour period- I had it--and I would have done anything to be home with them instead.

And I thought about it today- how sick I am of having a constant headache, and today I couldn't think positively about it. My positive muscle is broken- and then I realized--July has been one of my favorite months-ever. I have over 400 pictures from the second half of July alone, and all these adventures-all of these special moments- the beach- the memories- the good times- they have been done with Ted around. Each day I have just gotten up and chosen to not focus on him. He's not bigger or better or stronger than me. He is teaching me how to handle chaos- and how to live a good life even in the midst of chaos.

But today it's been hard to remember that...I hope tomorrow it gets easier.

And I've got to remember that, and be patient, because it looks like I'm not going to get any real answers any time soon. But all I need to do in the meanwhile, is keeping living, keep focusing on the good...cuz it's there.

He was back today, back in his head and able to connect with me. I could see it in his eyes.

Today while I was gone- Greyson mastered his newest program in Therapy.

Vacuuming the Floor.
While Parker learned to empty the dish washer...

(I'm kidding-I'm kidding...neither of those things really happened)
And the days I fill my day with good, go on adventures, relish in what I am so lucky to have {not focus on what I have that I wish I didn't}, I don't even realize Ted's around.

1 comment:

Love this. I have written a very similar post in my head ;) I have been suffering terrible headaches as well, along with feeling terrible. Yet, in these past few months of pain, I have learned so much! I know when I eventually feel "normal" again, I will have such an appreciation for the little things. I am thankful for the life lessons. The bigger they are, the more they teach us. Hope you feel better soon, friend!