A gloomy outlook for every day of the year and guaranteed to raise a smile.

Creative consultants, London

A disappointing way to view the year ahead.

Nick Asbury, a fellow writer, has produced a masterpiece of negative thinking. It’s called the Disappointments Diary. And its pages chart the year by way of famous deaths and common sayings that he has corrupted to be both funny and negative at the same time. He’s even made some up himself. At the back there are handy sections where you can jot down notes for a dull novel that you will never write, put the names and addresses of people to whom you owe money, and ideas you will discard in the morning. (Presumably, when you’ve sobered up.)

Other gifts to the Eeyores of this world include notes towards a tweet everyone will ignore, a laughable to do list and notes towards an abandoned screenplay. Even if you currently use the diary function on your computer or phone, I cannot recommend the Disappointments Diary enough. It’s even got a section that offers up translations of useful phrases such as ‘I have destroyed my hire car’, in several languages including Mandarin.

Follow this link to get your hands on your very own Disappointments Diary. It’s perpetual, so you can start using it, no matter how late in the year you get hold of it. But hurry. It’s selling out fast. It would be the ultimate irony if you were to suffer the disappointment of not being able to buy a copy for yourself.