I feel dirty. Every night I go to the pubs and try to pick up girls but I end up going home with boys. I never fancied myself a homosexual, but when it comes down to it, any sex will work. Sometimes I suck dick for money. I don’t like to suck dick but my job at the donut shop doesn’t pay much and I have to supplement my income to afford sex toys for my rampant homosexuality.My father hates me. He beats me senseless when he finds me wearing my mothers underwear. Then him and his friends get drunk and put out their cigarettes on my arm. I wish that I could get a girl – that would cure me from my illness. The illness of being gay.I have a terrible case of herpes from a 36-year-old construction worker who called me Brenda. He put odd things in my anus like the fat end of a whisky bottle. There are times when I hustle myself out on Whyte Ave. to older men for bar money. Sometimes they don’t pay me, they just beat me until I can’t see straight. How am I ever going to get a girl with my face bloodied up and with bumps on my penis? I hate myself.