In 2017, he unretired, but he’s never regained his former, er, glory. Still, he soldiers on. He continues to post videos on YouTube on his A Near for MenAn Ear for Men channel. He offers $120 an hour “consulting” services via Skype to men on such subjects as “relationship issues” (he has no training as a therapist), “divorce strategies” (he’s not a lawyer) and “diabetes management” (he’s not a doctor). And he continues to share his “Red Pill” wisdom on Facebook and Twitter, the latter of which he’s returned to on a new account despite being permabanned some time ago.

MRAs claim to care about abused men, but don’t actually do anything to help them in any tangible way, like setting up hotlines or shelters. (The only shelter for men in the US was set up by a feminist Domestic Violence organization that MRAs once tried to defund.) Instead, MRAs post shit like this, conflating actual abusive behavior by women with, well, women expecting to be treated with a modicum of consideration by their male partners.

But of course “wisdom” like this resonates with Elam’s remaining fans.

A veritable Algonquin Round Table here, huh?

I scrolled back a little on his Twitter, and found a couple more #RedPillRelationships pearls from ol’ Paul:

#redpillrelationships Women who cut their partners off sexually are no longer owed fidelity. By closing shop sexually, women are abandoning the relationship, literally. For men who have been betrayed in this way, sex with another woman isn't cheating and isn't cause for remorse.

#redpillrelationships Women don’t want to be loved so much as to be desired. They want to be desired because it feeds the feminine ego, but more so because it gives them control over a man. You don’t have to like this, but if you’re smart you won’t ever forget it.

Comments

This really annoys me because I talk a lot with men and boys who are in real abusive relationships with women. Men who do take slaps and punches from their girlfriend because they are much smaller then them and that some his makes it okay. One friend I’m trying to helps is with a woman that threatens to kill herself when he tries to turn the conversation to them breaking up. She has cut herself in front of him and told him if he breaks up with her and she kills herself it’s his fault. He’s a really sweet guy so obviously he doesn’t want that. I tell him time and time again it’s manipulation tatic and their relationship is mentally abusive towards him. I see things like this a lot so when people like Paul open their big mouths I get pissed because they are doing nothing to help actual abused men and boys who really so need some help.

You make an excellent point. It is a symptom, I think, of the “victimization” of our society. No longer is it enough to claim (rightly or wrongly) that the social status in romantic relationships is *unfair* to men, or that this or that social practice is *wrong*. (I very much doubt it but it’s not the point) .

To have a claim for justice, men – like everyone else that days – must be seen as “victims” who were “abused” but somehow still are “survivors”, etc., etc.

As you point out, when everybody is a victim, nobody is; it might seem “caring” but the end result is that those who *really are* abused victims – those whose partner beats up and threatens – are ignored in the hubbub.

Reread. I said I talk a lot with men and boys. As in I speak with men and boys who are abused and talk with them quite frequently. There are far more abusive men then women out there and yes some of the abused men/boys I talk to are abuse by another man/ boy there in a relationship with. I’m not a therapist. I go to highschools/middleschools in my district ever year to talk to them about dating abuse and sexual abuse. I started this when I was 16, after my own rape. For a lot of teenage boys, it is the first time they are told that its not okay if their girlfriend hits them. That it is abusive if this happens. So when I have teenage boys that come up to me after my talks and ask if things like “my girlfriend doesn’t let me be friends with other girls, does that count?” and things like this its really sad. Also keep in mind I’m counting anyone 18 and older as a man. My friend who has the abusive relationship right now is 20 and quite naive when it comes to love.

Lainy’s not wrong. My best friend was engaged to a women who did the same thing.She would beat him ruthlessly( he showed me the bruises), and he was a sweet guy who wouldn’t attack a woman even to defend himself. When he got tired of the abuse( and her anger destroying all his friendships) and ended the engagement, she also would call and threaten to kill herself if he didn’t get back together.

Fortunately, my friend finally left her and is in a new relationship with a very nice woman. I feel happy for him.

Good old Bettina Arndt, still peddling the same shite she’s been peddling for decades now.

Can anyone explain to me what the ‘logic’ is in the multiple posts on Officer Mohamed Noor? Obviously Elam et al perceive something relevant to men’s rights here, but I’m at a loss.
Is it just that he killed a white woman?

I just hate this kind of stuff because there are actual abused men and boys out there. not Paul’s “if they don’t have sex with you it’s abused” bullshit but actually stuff. Men are more physical with abuse and will do far more damage then women abusers. Women abusers tend to use a lot more threats and mental abuse but it’s all horrible. No one deserves any type of abuse. I just thought this was an alright place to talk about men in actual abusive relationships.

Also I’m sorry because women abusers sounds weird but I really hate using male or female even though that might sound better. I don’t know, I don’t like to take away the humanity part of it.

The really funny thing about this is that it’s a Red Pilled conclusion (not assumption, but conclusion) that this is “The Golden Age of the Alpha Male” exactly because there is so much fucking soy out there. No one gives a shit about beta men. Do you even lift, Paul?

Men are more physical with abuse and will do far more damage then women abusers.

Yep. It’s impossible for me to take physical abuse towards men from women seriously, exactly because of this. Of course, men are much more capable of all sorts of violence, including suicide.

That’s where “White Knights” come in. Consider (and I hate the term, and it’s not my lived experience) “divorce rape.” This is not something inflicted on men by women, this is something inflicted on men by other men on the behest of women.

The problem is that we do have a “will to vengeance.” See any superhero movie ever.

The “Algonquin round table” was a set of literary wits (Dorothy Parker, Tellulah Bankhead, Franklin Pierce Adams, Alexander Wollcott, etc.) who would meet regularly in the Algonquin hotel in New York in the 30s and 40s.

Hmm, i am sorry for my ignorance, but what “Automatic Outgroup Derogation of Men” refers to ? Even with a translator tool, i do not get something clear and understandable. Is it something saying that men are always excluded from some debates or talkings ?

Oh “occasional reader” I’m assuming from your comment that you are not a native speaker of English.

I am a native speaker of English and lived for a number of years with one of these meninists (my ex became that way, I didn’t choose him like that), so I heard a lot of this kind of talk. So I have more than a passing familiarity with this mindset.

That being said – you are having a hard time comprehending the phrase because it is gibberish. When it comes to automatic translation – gibberish in, gibberish out.

They are trying to sound like sociologists with terms like ‘in group’ and ‘out group’. They are saying that men are always being treated like the ‘out group’ – automatically and without regard to other characteristics. This is complete nonsense in terms of wider society.

It does, of course, happen in some circumstances – for example – in patriarchal societies where women cannot speak freely in front of men and cannot express humour or their own opinions, men will sometimes be treated as a member of an out-group if they try to socialise with an all female group. Chat and laughter will stop when a man comes in the room. I’ve seen it. But that does not mean men are automatically treated that way in all circumstances and it happens to women, too and more often.

Hmm, i am sorry for my ignorance, but what “Automatic Outgroup Derogation of Men” refers to?

I thought it was pretty funny, actually, because I had been exposed to the word “derogation” in the sense of “to dismiss because of perceived small worth” or “to grant something little value”, but only in pre-WW2 writing.

On the other hand, once I went to law school, “derogation” was everywhere. It’s a constant theme in statutory interpretation, in appeals of administrative actions or the decisions of administrative tribunals, even in debates over constitutional separation of powers. The legal version of “derogation” which means “a suspension (sometimes partial) of the action or enforcement of a law or legal provision” is in constant use, however.

So although being well read I’d known of an obsolete use about treating something as if it had little value (in this case men), I never came across it in contemporary writing. This makes me wonder if they’re not actually intending to use “denigration” and getting the word wrong.

Of course, if they’re using the “little value” definition then the headlines aren’t wrong, but there are definitely more effective ways to communicate their meaning than with words that went out of style 75 years ago.

What most men need to know, yet few do, is that the default setting for romantic relationships is abusive toward men. It places men in the role of vassal, serving m’lady’s needs, wants and whims with equal passion. Not in exchange for love, but for simply being tolerated. This is very hard for men to see early on but becomes very apparent with time.

Few men know about this abusive-toward-men default setting for a romantic relationship between a man and a woman?

And yet this abusive-toward-men default setting for a romantic relationship between a man and a woman becomes very apparent to a man after he’s spent some time in a romantic relationship with a woman?

The really funny thing about this is that it’s a Red Pilled conclusion (not assumption, but conclusion) that this is “The Golden Age of the Alpha Male” exactly because there is so much fucking soy out there. No one gives a shit about beta men. Do you even lift, Paul?

Conclusions can be just as wrong as assumptions, if the underlying facts and reason are faulty.

That’s where “White Knights” come in. Consider (and I hate the term, and it’s not my lived experience) “divorce rape.” This is not something inflicted on men by women, this is something inflicted on men by other men on the behest of women.

“Divorce rape”, also known as “child support and fair division of marital assets”. Contributing monetarily towards raising the children they sired is something “inflicted” on men? Somehow it’s unfair for both parties to start over on an equal financial footing?

It’s such a mystery why women don’t wish to remain partnered to men who dismiss their contributions and view them and their children as cash-sucking parasites. 🤔

> rugbyyogi
French, indeed.
Thank you for your input.
So, if i understand you correctly, the sentence refers to a feeling of exclusion from some groups ? I suppose this can be considered as part of their whining about their entitlements ?

> Crip Dyke
Thank you for the information.
Indeed, i think derogation is quite the same thing in France. We use the term when there is a legal authorization to do something which is usually not allowed. As an example, you can ask a derogation to use a vehicule of your workplace to help in a move.
So, you may be right with their use of the old definition you provide, because even knowing the usual definition of each term of the sentence, i was unable to get the meaning of it, especially with the lack of context those memes provide. Not that it makes the meaning better, but hey ! Artistic licence, maybe ?

> Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Ha ha, yeah, maybe, but should not it be “Jewel Eldora” rather than Paul Elam ? Unless they are the same person ?

“What most men need to know, yet few do, is that the default setting for romantic relationships is abusive toward men. It places men in the role of vassal, serving m’lady’s needs, wants and whims with equal passion. Not in exchange for love, but for simply being tolerated.”

I think one of the large number of difficulties these a-holes face in having a successful relationship with anyone is that they appear to think a relationship is a commercial transaction in which they provide a penis and (if absolutely necessary) make nice, and in return get flattery and sex (which is what they think “love” is).
The idea that they would actually *want* to make someone else happy, enjoy their company for its own sake or place any value on someone’s affection for them never really crosses their minds. The result is that the occasional unwary woman mistakes their fake consideration in the interests of getting laid for genuine affection and doesn’t drop kick them into the gutter as she should. At s point shortly thereafter he decides he’s done enough to earn his flattery and sex and drops the act (since actually being pleasant and considering other people is *such* a chore) and she (if she is lucky) wonders how she ended up with this a-hole loser and dumps him or (if she is unlucky, or is insecure, or is frightened of him) wonders what she did wrong that suddenly he is behaving like a sh*t towards her, and tries to fix it, and another abusive relationship is born.

If soy makes men too unmanly to get laid and to reproduce much, then why is Asia the most popular continent? Why have men in various cultures that have a much more soy based diet than Europe, Africaand the Americas traditionally had managed to have so many children over the millenia?

I will just never understand this fragile masculinity fueled obsession with using a meat based diet to try and appear “alpha.” Congratulations, you went to the grocery store and bought lots of things from the meat freezer. It’s not like you slaughtered the cows with your bare hands or anything.

Also, if you’re worried about that sort of thing, you consume more estrogen eating meat and dairy than you do eating plants.

TIL that being desired (a rather passive activity) is the same thing as controlling people. But only male people. So if I don’t want to be an abuser, I have to make myself as undesirable as possible.
And yet, something tells me that Elam wouldn’t be happy with that, either…

If soy phytoestrogens were feminizing in humans, the trans community would be all over it. I don’t know any women cramming their fridges full of tofu that aren’t vegan, so… gonna have to say it doesn’t work like that.

Yep. It’s impossible for me to take physical abuse towards men from women seriously, exactly because of this

The hell you say?

This is some toxic crud you are spreading. Abuse does not require extreme physical damage to be mentally and emotionally harmful, and men being abused should still be taken seriously.

Just because a man is big or strong enough for assholes like you to think they should be able to “take it” doesn’t frigging mean they should!

That right there is why it’s so fricken hard for abused men to report abuse and get out of cruddy situations. That eighth there is why it can be difficult for men to even RECOGNIZE that a relationship is not normal and is toxic.

I have spent the majority of my legal career working with victims of domestic violence and sexual violence. Locally, I am recognized as an expert on both, although I have also done other types of legal work.

People use the term “abuse” to describe a wide range of behavior and while all of which is unacceptable, severity varies substantially. The following is true both statistically, and in my own experiences:

*The perpetrators of domestic and sexual violence are disproportionately men and the victims are disproportionately women.

*The are, however, a substantial minority of female perpetrators with male victims. There are are also female perpetrators with female victims and male perpetrators with male victims.

*When abuse is broken down by categories based on severity (again NONE of these categories are acceptable), we find that the more lethal and dangerous the violence is, the more disproportionate the statistics are.

*At the most severe level (lethal violence) the perpetrators are overwhelmingly men and the victims are overwhelmingly women. Instances where this is reversed are rare.

I am NOT justifying or defending women who are perpetrators. I have represented male victims against female perpetrators, including those whose abuse included felony level and life endangering violence and stalking. The thing to remember is that even in categories where only 1-5% of victims are men, that still amounts to millions of men.

Men do suffer from domestic and sexual violence perpetrated by women (as you know firsthand), but, on a macro level, domestic and sexual violence are gendered crimes that are deeply rooted in misogyny and sexism and they cannot be adequately addressed by a totally gender neutral approach.

We can extend services and support to men who are victimized (and prosecute women who perpetrate and address same-sex victims and abusers) without glossing over the gendered dynamics at play.

“Men are more physical with abuse and will do far more damage then women abusers. Women abusers tend to use a lot more threats and mental abuse but it’s all horrible.”

What the fuck did you just say?

No. No no no no no no no. The “men are physically abusive, women are emotionally abusive,” myth is some bullshit, and pretty misogynistic at that.

Male abusers use every trick in the book. They do not restrict themselves. They use verbal abuse, gaslighting, lies, blackmail, suicide threats, etc. with just as much ease as female abusers. And then they *also* (generally) have size and strength and social power to their advantage.

Yes, women can be abusive but there’s a reason this deck is stacked in favor of men.

Context, folks. Context. When I talked above of soy, I was talking about the men, not the plant. I actually like soy with my mammoths.

Further, if men were allowed to hit back, intimate partner violence against men would shrink to a very low level, very quickly. This is not a state of affairs I would support, for obvious reasons, so other solutions are needed and need to be taken seriously, of course.

Overall, there is a feeling in the manosphere that the legal system has been weaponized against men.

Most people who post here post regularly. I’m not here to spout the party line so much as give it a good spin. My experience with anti-manosphere sites is that very often, the lowest fruit is being plucked.

Further, if men were allowed to hit back, intimate partner violence against men would shrink to a very low level, very quickly. This is not a state of affairs I would support, for obvious reasons, so other solutions are needed and need to be taken seriously, of course.

Uh, men have been allowed to hit back since the dawn of time, that is why domestic abuse and femicide are so normalized that a woman can report death threats, again and again, and still be murdered in front of a fucking police station during a custody exchange.

Currently I’m in Peru and have no complaints regarding the women here

Maybe because we are the 2nd country in Latin America with most rapes per capita and about the 3rd in the entire world? Gee, I fucking wonder why this guy is so elated. He shouldn’t get comfortable though, that shit is changing fast.

Funnily enough, as an immigration attorney, I’ve noticed that immigrants from the US tend to be libertarian.

I’m just on a quick work break and don’t have time to track down studies right now, but I know I’ve read about research showing that male on female violence is not any more likely to result in arrest than female on male violence, so the notion that men don’t have any legal means to fight back while women do is just false. I mean, IPV is not taken seriously enough whatever the genders involved, but the system is not uniquely stacked against men.

And per usual, the MRM and its apologists completely ignore male victims with male perpetrators.

Yes I know that men are mentally abusive. I was in a horrible abusive relationship . I’m just saying your going to see way more men killing their romantic partners then women. Men use far more violence then women do. I think in America it’s something like 3 women a day are killed by a romantic partner. My first boyfriend used lies, blackmail, threats, gaslighting and suicide threat. Even came so far as to come to me at school with cuts all over his arms to show me he would do. Specifically because he knew I had great sympathy for people with cutting issues. When it all failed at the end he used physical violence against me. Could a woman hurt me in the same way? yes, especial depending on the type of woman, I’m very small but if a woman grabbed my by my hair threw me down and then starting choking me I probably would have had a greater chance of fighting back then what I did. Almost every man I meet is bigger and stronger then I am. The creepy ones use this to intimidate me or threaten me. I’ve met many many many women who are bigger and stronger then me as well. Guess who has never used that to intimidate me.

@JenniferAndLightning

I know that these are gender crime. I know the number of female victims out number the male victims by great numbers. All I was trying to say is that this asshole does not help men who are abused by spouting his ” hey if she doesn’t want to sleep with you, she’s abusing” bullshit.

@John

Fuck off with your “I can’t take men physically abused by women seriously” bullshit right now.

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