Rape victim's advice to others: 'You cannot go through it by yourself'

Amanda Bicknell signed a waiver lifting her anonymity in order to tell her story (Image: TMS)

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A rape victim who was sexually abused by a Farnham man when she was younger is hoping that, by sharing her experience, it could help others in a similar situation.

Amanda Bicknell, who is now 21 and lives in Witley, has agreed to lift her lifetime anonymity to tell her story.

In September 2011, her stepfather Kevin Berryman, who was 50 at the time and living in Farnham, was sentenced at Guildford Crown Court after pleading guilty to two offences of rape, three of sexual assault, and four of sexual activity with a child.

He was jailed for eight years, and banned from working or associating with children, unless an appropriate adult is present.

It is believed that having served half of his sentence, Berryman is due for release later this year.

Amanda said she wanted to urge other youngsters going through the same experience to seek help.

It was on her 16th birthday when she finally reached out for help after years of abuse, confiding in a worker at the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services.

“They chatted with me, and I told them, and then they called the police there and then, and he got arrested,” Amanda said.

“I think because I was 16 when I told them, I think it was a case of something needed to be done. It was getting worse and worse and worse.

“At a young age it was less, but as I started getting older there was more abuse happening.

“I want to help people out there that are going through the same thing.

“Teenagers, they are younger and don’t really understand. Maybe if they see this then they will think ‘that sounds like me’, so they can get help.”

Amanda said when the abuse started, she did not understand what was going on, and thought it was normal. When she grew older, and started a relationship with her first boyfriend, she began to realise the behaviour of her attacker was wrong.

“I would love to help people, I would be devastated if someone went through what I went through,” she said.

Amanda’s advice to anyone who may be in a similar situation was not to bottle it up, but to realise there are people out there who can be trusted and supportive.

She said in particular a GP would be a good start, as they can be spoken to in confidence.

“If you are crying in your room on your own, then it is not going to help,” she said.

“If someone’s there to cry with you, or have a shoulder to cry on, it is so much better. It is absolutely fine to get angry and distressed about it, but at the time you need someone to go through that with you. You cannot go through it by yourself.

“When I was younger, I thought it was something that step-dads do, you know. At the beginning, he was saying to me, ‘call me dad’ being a proper dad figure, giving me a kiss on the lips. I thought it was normal.

“Then it started to get sexual. You do get the feeling in your body, it isn’t normal.

“I couldn’t say anything, and if I did say something to him or someone else, I would be punished for it by him. So I was scared to even say no.

“When the time came and I told someone, I felt all this pain and heartache and scaredness just go, because I had someone there to help me. If I could actually help someone, I think that would be my achievement.”

When Amanda was 18, she had a daughter, whose father died before she was born.

Amanda married her current partner last year, and said she takes one step at a time in life, and is seeing a mental health team every week to try and get her life on the right path.

“With my husband, it is awkward because I even flinch at him sometimes, but he is very understanding.

“When I am with him I do feel safe because I trust him, so because I trust him I’m relaxed. Without him I don’t know what I would do.”