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. . . Could you possibly bring a male friend with you to the first lesson? They could wait out in the car and once you get in and see what things are like you can text them at an agreed-upon time . . .

And I thought we agreed: NO TEXTING during lessons!(Is that a gerund?)

OOPS! Wrong thread . . .

_________________________
In music, everything one does correctly helps everything else.

. . . Could you possibly bring a male friend with you to the first lesson? They could wait out in the car and once you get in and see what things are like you can text them at an agreed-upon time . . .

And I thought we agreed: NO TEXTING during lessons!(Is that a gerund?)

OOPS! Wrong thread . . .

Ed?

You're grounded! A second time a similar joke!?!?!

You're grounded!

Really though...

I'm a big male, as I mentioned earlier, so I can't really relate, but in these cases just trust your instincts and use some common sense... Don't meet with a total strange in the woods for a first lesson! Just make sure your husband, boy friend, etc are there in the next room...

BTw, the last thing I expect would be to turn this thread into a gun related thread.

OOPS!

(For the record, I think that everything to be said on the subject has been said and I'm making a little fun, but not in the expense of anyone but myself! I hope this is clear)

Morodiene, I can fully relate to your fears. In the same way that I'm sure you can relate to the fact that male teachers might feel uncomfortable being left alone with female students and of course children.

Humans as a group are not very good at evaluating real risk as opposed to perceived risk.

We are fearful of things that have low likelihood of happening, and ignore those which really do pose a risk.

Except for people who frequent high crime areas, purchase drugs, etc., attacks by strangers are all but unknown.

That doesn't stop us from fearing them! We aren't very rational creatures, as you can tell from the flu shot thread.

It would be perfectly reasonable to advertise that you teach only students between the ages of 6 and 18. That should rule out most of those you fear.

And to stay safe: wear a seat belt, drink in moderation, don't smoke, get some exercise, use sun screen, get the flu shot.

And by all means have legal insurance. You are FAR more likely to have child slip on your stairs and sue successfully.

Get one of those dummy cameras mounted on the wall like they have in some mom+pop shops. They usually have a red light that blinks (which draws their attention to the fact that there's a camera watching/recording them). That makes them think twice about trying anything.

currawong
6000 Post Club Member
Registered: 05/15/07
Posts: 6058
Loc: Down Under

Originally Posted By: PianoManChuck

Get one of those dummy cameras mounted on the wall like they have in some mom+pop shops. They usually have a red light that blinks (which draws their attention to the fact that there's a camera watching/recording them). That makes them think twice about trying anything.

Should I risk derailing the thread any further and ask what on earth a "mom + pop shop" is?

I have been the victim of several random assaults in my life (unrelated to piano teaching fortunately!) so I do tend to be a little cautious. If I have a new male student I ask my boyfriend to be around. On the one occasion he couldn't be here I left his X-box on and made of a point of "asking him" to turn it down as my student arrived so they thought someone else was in the house.

I've only ever had one problem with a potential new enquirer, but it didn't even reach the point of him coming to my home. During our initial phone conversation I got a weird vibe and unfortunately my phone battery died mid conversation and I wasn't able to charge it for another half an hour. By the time I turned it back on I had 57 missed calls from him. That night he called me 208 times, and another 103 times the following day. I was too freaked out to answer, even though he obviously could have done with being told to sod off. The day after that he came into the school where I taught a few days a week. I wasn't in that day, but they sensed something was odd and let me know. I ended up going to the police. Turns out he was known to them. Fortunately it stopped once the police contacted him, but it was very scary at the time.

Yes but it's usually quicker and more informative for them to look at our websites.

Hmmm. Using Google to check out prospective teachers, I've turned up rabid political leanings, criminal offenses, and other surprises that I'd expect teachers would likely omit from professional websites.

_________________________Ladies and Gentlemen: This is not a competition, merely an exhibition. No wagering please.

I can certainly understand your desire to attract only good quality potential students and to stay safe. That's totally natural. Yet in my experience I have found that we often get what we expect. You could just as easily be expecting someone really amazing to show up at your door as someone horrible. Great students also show up and will contact you. I think it's important to be on the look out for the good at least as much or more as anything bad.

off topic, how does one get "randomly assaulted"? it doesn't make sense... and did you fight back?

Originally Posted By: ymapazagain

I have been the victim of several random assaults in my life (unrelated to piano teaching fortunately!) so I do tend to be a little cautious. If I have a new male student I ask my boyfriend to be around. On the one occasion he couldn't be here I left his X-box on and made of a point of "asking him" to turn it down as my student arrived so they thought someone else was in the house.

I've only ever had one problem with a potential new enquirer, but it didn't even reach the point of him coming to my home. During our initial phone conversation I got a weird vibe and unfortunately my phone battery died mid conversation and I wasn't able to charge it for another half an hour. By the time I turned it back on I had 57 missed calls from him. That night he called me 208 times, and another 103 times the following day. I was too freaked out to answer, even though he obviously could have done with being told to sod off. The day after that he came into the school where I taught a few days a week. I wasn't in that day, but they sensed something was odd and let me know. I ended up going to the police. Turns out he was known to them. Fortunately it stopped once the police contacted him, but it was very scary at the time.

"...off topic, how does one get "randomly assaulted"? it doesn't make sense... and did you fight back?..."

It is nice, adak, that you feel so safe that you can't even imagine such a thing, not even with the help of television and movies--- and I don't actually believe it. It happened to me twice, in the 15 years I lived in San Francisco. The only occurrence which would be to the purpose of this thread, was one in which I was followed by 4 guys as I got off the bus on the way home from work. They were making cracks; I was paying attention to my surroundings (point number 1) and got out my anti-crime whistle--- it's like a police whistle; it was on my keyring--- and as they jumped me, I blew it. Which (point number 2) frightened them away, and people nearby came to help me. I was shaken up, but uninjured.

It's possible to help yourself, in some cases--- not all--- and to minimize both the risk of attack, and the injury. "Random" is another way of saying, "target of opportunity;" in other words, anyone will do.

I think the OP has gotten some fair and realistic advice, that may help her. If 'risk assessment' crosses the line into 'paranoia,' (which, it seems to me, is where you're trying to take it) then some other line of work, or a different work environment (a music school, or a studio associated with a music store) would probably suit her better... though the risk of crime or misadventure, though lower, never gets as low as zero. That is the way of the world, and everyone knows it.

While this may sound paranoid, I am looking at this realistically and would really appreciate some advice on what to do if I get a call from someone who sounds suspicious.

If I felt that someone sounded suspicious, I would not plan to meet them at all.

I have not had any calls like that so far. But I trust my intuition and do not need to confirm suspicions of danger...just steer clear.

Suddenly an old story comes to mind: 2 guys walk along, one stops and points at the ground and the dialog goes like this:"That looks like sh-t. Do you think it is sh-t?""I don't know. Sniff it.""Smells like sh-t. Do you think it's sh-t?""I don't know. Taste of it.""Tastes like sh-t. Do you think it's sh-t?""Looks like sh-t, smells like sh-t, tastes like sh-t. Must be sh-t." "Good thing we didn't step in it."

While I have advertised for children, I did state that I teach pianists from ages 4-80. I know the general population of people that live in my area, so I am not really afraid of that. However, I have also advertised in other places and that is why I asked the question. I have not gotten any inquiries so far, so nothing really to worry about there. I simply asked this question to see how other piano teachers have dealt with this issue.

Thanks for all of the feedback and if I do get into a situation like this, I will try to use the advice I received.

Well hopefully the situation will never arise where you feel uncomfortable or threatened by a student. I've yet to come across anyone who has booked a lesson with the wrong intentions. And I don't think it's always a gender issue. I am not a big guy and have had several male students who could probably overpower me quite easily if they wished.

If you do get enquiries from men I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to meet you in a public place first. Most people would understand this.

With a bit of luck you will start getting some calls soon and can let us know how it goes.

off topic, how does one get "randomly assaulted"? it doesn't make sense... and did you fight back?

What doesn't make sense? I won't go into details about the type of assaults, but in each case I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time (in broad daylight, open and seemingly safe places). If it wasn't me who was attacked it probably would have been someone else.

I'd like to say a couple of things that have been going on a lot in my mind recently. It's certainly true, and sad, that women are more at risk than men, but I'm sure most men can also be targeted. Not everybody is Rambo and there are men who are smaller and weaker than some women. The fact is, women as a category are seen as weak and vulnerable; we see ourselves as such and are taught to be worried and cautious from childhood. Instilling fear is a very good way to control people, and we all know how some men would like women to be kept in their place. Things have been changing but not completely, and women are the first to seek protection from men (and sometimes their trust is misplaced). Also, a woman who thinks herself weak (even if she might not be!) will not fight back if assaulted. She won't even try. Fighting back might at least catch the attacker by surprise. But women are not used to physical contact and fighting, most of us don't do it when we are little like most boys do. Men have an advantage in terms of physical strength, but I'm convinced that the strength of assaulters is mainly in their head, and in the victim's fear.

I'd like to say a couple of things that have been going on a lot in my mind recently. It's certainly true, and sad, that women are more at risk than men, but I'm sure most men can also be targeted. Not everybody is Rambo and there are men who are smaller and weaker than some women. The fact is, women as a category are seen as weak and vulnerable; we see ourselves as such and are taught to be worried and cautious from childhood. Instilling fear is a very good way to control people, and we all know how some men would like women to be kept in their place. Things have been changing but not completely, and women are the first to seek protection from men (and sometimes their trust is misplaced). Also, a woman who thinks herself weak (even if she might not be!) will not fight back if assaulted. She won't even try. Fighting back might at least catch the attacker by surprise. But women are not used to physical contact and fighting, most of us don't do it when we are little like most boys do. Men have an advantage in terms of physical strength, but I'm convinced that the strength of assaulters is mainly in their head, and in the victim's fear.

Violence against women is never right. The quickest way to end violence against women is if women fight back. If news got out that women are beating or killing their attackers then they would think twice before attacking women. Problem solved.

Violence against women is never right. The quickest way to end violence against women is if women fight back. If news got out that women are beating or killing their attackers then they would think twice before attacking women. Problem solved.

I actually had this *exact* same thing happen to me! I put up fliers, and I listed on craigslist, and someone found me from craigslist. It was a guy and we emailed a couple times, and he mentioned his daughter (but he never actually told me her name - first warning sign.) But the weirdest thing was how in his emails he didn't really talk about his daughter, he just talked a bit about how he was in a band and played the drums and stuff. So, OF COURSE I was no way going to let him in my house without at least meeting him in a public place first. So as it neared our appointed meeting time at a coffee shop, I emailed him again and very specifically was like, "Ok, so I'll see you and your daughter, and make sure she brings her old piano books so I can look at them," (hint hint...don't even think about coming without her!)

Well, after waiting 15 minutes past the decided time, he never showed, and never emailed again to apologize. I was GLAD.

Humans as a group are not very good at evaluating real risk as opposed to perceived risk.

We are fearful of things that have low likelihood of happening, and ignore those which really do pose a risk.

Indeed.

This is such a sad discussion.

Everyone will evaluate this situation as they see fit, based on their experiences, their fears, and their attitudes about the world around them. But it's always wise to step back and ask just how many knots do you want to tie yourself into in order to feel comfortable existing in this world of ever present risk.