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4 Tips to Help You Survive a Breakup

It’s over (you think). You feel lost. Want to know what to do next? Keep reading.

When people write to me with their relationship queries, a large swath of those emails are devoted to the ending of relationships, as much as beginning (by the way, if any readers have queries of any kind, I try to answer any and all emails that are submitted here). Without rubbing salt in any particular individual’s wounds, I thought I’d try and address some of these emails with four things to do now that it’s over.

1. I have a bunch of stuff at his house that I need to get—we can talk then, right? No. Absolutely not. Or, as my fish-headed friend Admiral Ackbar once exclaimed to the Rebel Alliance: “It’s a trap!” When it’s over, it’s over. There should be no calls. No texts. No emails. He should be gone from your Facebook and your Flickr. Seeing him, while you pick up your stuff, or “just to hang out” will only result in confusion and tom foolery without satisfaction. Send a friend, or have him leave you a key and go while he is not there. Figure something out, but no contact.

2. He says he wants to talk about stuff, for closure. That can only help, right? Were you not listening? No! No contact. This is our favorite move. And it is purely to rid ourselves of guilt. It has nothing to do with you and will not make you feel better. No matter how much you still like him, as far as you are concerned, he is a person in the world and it is OK if he exists, but not around you.

3. Go outside (friends) This is key: Get out and do stuff. Even if you don’t feel like it. Even if all you want to do is stay in your bed and eat waffles (I’ve never really understood the post-breakup binge thing; when I’ve had my heart broken, I’ve been unable to eat hear that Jessica? I lost 15 pounds because of you. 15 pounds!), it’s important that you force yourself up, get dressed and live your life. Go running or get your ass to the gym. Exercise is a natural anti-depressant and the side benefits are obvious. 4. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else—right? Wrong! Where this terrible piece of accepted wisdom came from I have no idea, but it needs to disappear. This will only give you more saddies. When you’re ready to see someone else, you will, but looking for a hookup will only provide the smallest amount of validation, followed by something akin to your feelings being battered with a shovel.

Breakups are hard, as Erin pointed out last month. The least you can do, for yourself (and, your family, friends and coworkers) is not make them harder.

Do you have any breakup survival tips? What has helped you? What's made it worse?