Motherhood = God’s Hidden Love Unveiled

I’ve read this verse a thousand times before (ok, maybe not a thousand) but it never had meaning until just now. God’s salvation plan is for everyone, but everyone is uniquely (and wonderfully) created. Because everyone is different, God has to reach out to people in different ways. He desires for us to see, know and fully understand just how deep His love is, and always has been for us.

Women have a funny thing about them. I am almost certain that I am not the only one who struggles with the constant nagging question way deep in my heart, does he really love me? Or better yet, “Does HE really love me?” We strive to be perfect and flawless in every way, just to earn the love and affection of our “knight in shining armor.” (By the way, our “knight in shining armor” is imperfect in every way too.) But it’s a deeper yearning than just an earthly love. This is a God matter. We question His commitment to us, His love for us, and His desire to be our hero and true love always.

This verse tells me that women don’t fully comprehend who God is or His love for us until we hold our child for the first time. Until we see that little one that was fashioned together and knit to our hearts for 9 long (and sometimes agonizing) months, and feel that deep embedded love that we have for that child, we will never come close to understanding the love our Father has for us. We are knit to His heart on a much stronger and deeper level than our child is to ours (even though we aren’t entirely sure we could love anything more.)

When I first found out I was pregnant, I had an overwhelming fear come over me that I was going to be a horrible mother. I cried and cried about it and was so terrified. When I looked in the mirror, I closed my eyes and God gave me a vision of my daughter standing in front of me on a step stool. She was about 4-5 years old in this vision, and with beautiful bright eyes and long brownish hair, she grabbed my cheeks in her little hands and stared into my eyes. I was crying, and she spoke to me so sweetly, “Don’t be sad mama, I love you.” After that, God spoke to my heart that His love was so deep for me, and that I wasn’t going to understand that until I held “her” in my arms, and “her” little fingers wrapped around mine. I emphasize the word her in this statement because at the time I obviously didn’t know the gender. The fact that I have a daughter and I had a vison about a daughter and a word from God that it was “a her” just confirms even more that this was God speaking to me.

God was so right. Throughout those long 9 months, I struggled with my fear and my doubt in God. He tried time and time again to help me understand that He did love me, but I just wasn’t convinced. That is until March 10, 2015 at 6:17 pm. The moment when truth set in. My beautiful big, bright eyed little girl came screaming into this world. The nurse set her on my chest and she laid there so peacefully. Then she grabbed my finger, and the words that God spoke to me just a year before that moment came rushing back into my mind. “You won’t understand my love for you until you hold her in your arms and her tiny hand wraps around your finger.” I was overwhelmed with the love my Jesus has for me. I am knit to his heart and that fastening will never come undone. I am His chosen one forever and always.