Why Saying You Want Change is Not Enough

Every Sunday morning, I drive by a park. It’s on the left-hand side of the street with a basketball court, play structure, and large soccer field clearly visible.

During the week, in afternoons and evenings, the park is full of excitement. Parents sit and talk, children play, teenagers ride skateboards, grown men show up to play basketball.

But early on a Sunday morning, the park tells a different story. It is quiet and completely empty—except for one person who, without fail, works out in the field every weekend.

For as long as I can remember, every Sunday when I drive by that park, I see a young man (high school age) exercising in that park, running sprints and working on his football skills with a private coach. Some weeks, I find him running 40-yard sprints while his trainer tracks his time with a stop watch. Other weeks, I find him high-stepping through tires, weaving through cones, or back-peddling quickly to improve his foot speed.

By the time I drive by, he is clearly exhausted. Often times I have seen him complete a drill and walk slowly back to the starting line. He will put his hands on his knees and take a deep breath—the physical pain obvious even from my vantage point. And then, with a heavy sigh, he will put his fingers on the ground, arch his back, wait for the whistle, and push himself again.

I know nothing of this young man. I don’t know his name, his exact age, or where he lives. I only know that he inspires me.

He reminds me that a goal without action is not really a goal at all.

He reminds there is a big difference between saying you want something, and actually working to make it happen.

My son is in 7th grade and loves playing sports. Many of his friends do as well. In fact, they love sports so much that when I ask them what they want to be when they grow up, most will say, “I want to be a professional athlete.” Their response doesn’t surprise me. When I was younger, I said the same thing.

It is a common dream that is tough to outgrow. No doubt, even in high schools all over this country, the dream of becoming a professional athlete remains.

In my mind, I imagine this young man from the park plays on a football team at one of our local high schools. His team is full of other high school students. Many of which would tell you they have a goal: to one day become a professional football player.

There are countless boys who claim they want to play in the NFL… but there is only one I see up early on Sunday morning running sprints until his legs hurt. There is only one working his tail off to make it a reality. And I am inspired because that is the dedication required to become a professional football player. I won’t be surprised if he makes one day.

The whole scene reminds me of a conversation I witnessed shortly after graduating college. A mentor of mine was interacting with a gentleman older than me when the man made this statement, “I want to buy a Corvette.”

My mentor responded to his desire quite frankly, “No you don’t.”

“What do you mean? Of course I do. I’d like to own a Corvette.”

My mentor responded with words I have never forgotten, “No, you don’t really want to buy a Corvette. You see, if you really wanted to buy a Corvette, you could buy a Corvette. You could sell your home and maybe also your business. Then, you would have enough money to buy a Corvette. You say you want to own a Corvette… but if you really wanted to buy a Corvette, you’d be changing your life to do exactly that.”

I learned a valuable lesson that day from my mentor, “Saying you want something is one thing, but actually doing something about it is very different.” We prove what we desire most by our actions, not by our words.

We see this and experience it all the time.

We want to get out of debt, but continue to spend money on unneeded things. We want to get in shape, but never make the changes in our diet or exercise habits to accomplish that. We want to start saving for retirement, but never pursue the answers we need to get started. We desire to start a business or change jobs, but continue to spend our evenings and weekends watching television.

Or how about this one? We desire to live in a clutter-free home, but continue finding reasons why we need to keep all the stuff around us.

In each case, what we say we want is different from what we actually pursue.

Again, saying you want something is one thing, doing something about it is very different. We prove what we desire most by our actions, not by our words.

So let me ask you: What is it you want most? What life change do you desire?

Then, ask yourself this follow-up question: Are you taking the steps necessary to accomplish that goal? Or, are you settling for something else instead?

After all, a goal without a plan is just wishful thinking.

About Joshua Becker

Writer. Inspiring others to live more by owning less.WSJ Bestselling author of The More of Less.

Comments

I say I don’t want to worry or be anxious or have a predisposition to being negative but my heart. My heart seems to be so grieved so much of the time that when I think I finally emptied it of all the hurt, more tears come. The harsh reality of feeling like I have never been loved, properly loved by my parents and I find it difficult to connect with them. I’m 35 years old and my heart hurts so much. The sin of not having enough faith to trust God more than my own flesh. A good reality to know but a hard pill to swallow.

I don’t know your full story…but I hope I can share a few words that will help. Parents are not perfect, they are flawed—as we all are. I’m sure they love you.

In the past, I would look to other people to make me feel happy…and everyone fell short. Then I realized that we are responsible for our own happiness.

Pray for your parents—and then release them over to God. Don’t look to them for fulfillment… just love them…as they are.

I had a bad habit of feeling sorry for myself (years ago) —but look around the world and see all the suffering taking place—war, child abuse, starvation, disease, neglect—etc. etc. etc. NO WAY should we ever feel sorry for ourselves. Most of us will never know what REAL suffering is.

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds.

Thank you for this inspiring post. I always said I want less clutter around me, but felt too overwhelmed to start, so this year I set a simple goal to get rid of (give or throw away) one item a day. In addition, if I bring something new into the home, I must dispose of one additional item to offset. So far it’s working!

Dear Katherine my friend brought me a mustard seed and showed me how tiny it is, Jesus never made it something we couldn,t do, He would never set us up to fail, faith doesn,t have to be huge at all, as for your parents, well stop looking to them to make your life complete, sometimes we have to move on, don,t allow rejection to control your life, keeping thankful is your saving grace, you seem like a person who has struggled use it to bless others, and i believe God will bring about the healing needed, love Jacqueline
thanks for the words that working hard Josh does bring a reward xxx

Thank you, Joshua! I love this post! Very inspiring :) I do my best to act on my goals in life whether it’s decluttering, sticking to a budget, doing my share to help care of our environment. We make our dreams a reality through our actions.

“We desire to live in a clutter-free home, but continue finding reasons why we need to keep all the stuff around us.”

So very true Joshua – We almost have to get to the end of ourselves, or that hurting point, to make a change. I know that is what it took for me a few years ago. I got so tired of an overwhelmed life.

I heard it said one time to ask yourself this question – “Is it that you “Can’t” or that you “Won’t.” There is a huge difference between the two.
Thank you once again for your inspiration to let go and truly embrace life.

I love how you took time to notice this young man and how his actions not only impacted your life, but will impact others as well from this post. It is amazing that just by following our dreams it inspires others. :)

My husband and I talked about making a change in our lives for years due to our hectic schedule and at the beginning of this year we decided to take the huge leap of changing our lives, verses only talking about it.

Starting in just a few weeks we are taking a “gap year” to unplug from our regular lives and travel with our kids. We are selling most of our stuff, house and car in exchange for experiences in life and are so excited!!!!

This, this right here is exactly what I’ve been doing for the last few years. I’ve started to make changes in the last few months but this is quite powerful, like looking at myself in the mirror and seeing exactly what needs to be changed. Thanks for writing this. I needed to read this today.