James Franco,
prize-winning
blogger and talented poet,
is now conquering the self-indulgent world of New York Times op-eds. In Thursday's newspaper, "actor and artist" Franco
uses his incredible way with words to highlight his empathy toward Shia LaBeouf
while actually addressing the only issue that really matters: himself.

Few would disagree that the most interesting thing about visioneer, blogger, and actor James Franco …
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Franco is
no stranger to being published in the Times.
But dare I say—and this may be pushing it—Franco's original take on LaBeouf's behavior is even more compelling than his December
opus on the "selfie." In his new
piece, an elderly Franco, 35, explains that LaBeouf's behavior (he's 27)
might be based in "youthful recklessness":

This behavior could be a sign of
many things, from a nervous breakdown to mere youthful recklessness. For Mr.
LaBeouf's sake I hope it is nothing serious. Indeed I hope — and, yes, I know
that this idea has pretentious or just plain ridiculous overtones — that his
actions are intended as a piece of performance art, one in which a young man in
a very public profession tries to reclaim his public persona.

Then, in a sophisticated writerly move that requires the reader to maintain a very willing suspension of
disbelief, he compares
LaBeouf to Marlon Brando because both commit "acts of rebellion" against the
entertainment industry. Right.

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But just
because his name appears in a few paragraphs, LaBeouf's antics are not the subject of
Franco's essay. The subject is "I," "I" as in Franco, a great soap opera artist
who is often misunderstood:

At times I have felt the need to
dissociate myself from my work and public image. In 2009, when I joined the
soap opera "General Hospital" at the same time as I was working on films that
would receive Oscar nominations and other critical acclaim, my decision was in
part an effort to jar expectations of what a film actor does and to undermine
the tacit — or not so tacit — hierarchy of entertainment.

While it
might seem easy to compare joining General
Hospital to weeping
in a bag for a week, please be clear: Franco, unlike whatshisname with the
paper bag on his head, aligns himself with Oscar-worthy films. None of that Transformers shit. The
entertainment hierarchy must be kept in mind at all times.

Ultimately
Franco classifies himself as a rebel (a rebel who acts in films that receive
critical acclaim) and claims that he understands young LaBeouf:

Our rebellion against the hand that
feeds us can instigate a frenzy of commentary that sets in motion a feedback
loop: acting out, followed by negative publicity, followed by acting out in
response to that publicity, followed by more publicity, and so on.

Franco ends the column with a challenge
for LaBeouf, asking him to be careful "not to use up all the good will he has
gained as an actor in order to show us that he is an artist." Show James Franco
you're an artist, Shia. That's all you—or anyone—needs to do.