Sunday, July 01, 2007

The Post Mortem

A former Knicks executive is suingIsiah Thomas for sexual harassment and claims that the embattled coach tried to convince Knicks cheerleaders to flirt with referees to get favorable calls.

Listen, if Thomas can convince Spike Lee to flirt with officials, what's the big deal?

HEY NOW, YOU’RE AN ALL-STARThe time has come for that summer tradition—complaining about All-Star snubs. The All-Star game is a (somewhat) meaningless exhibition game that most of us won’t bother to watch, but that won’t stop the vast majority from complaining about a player from our favorite team being left off the roster.

Orlando Cabrera is this year's recipient of "biggest snub" and really, unless you put every player in the All-Star game, somebody has to be snubbed. Sure, OC is having a better year than Texas short stop Michael Young. But remember, there needs to be at least one member of the Rangers on the squad to ensure an American League victory in addition to the rule of having each team represented. Yes, even the Devil Rays. So if Young was omitted, you would have to find some other member of the Rangers and the cupboard is a little bare.

They could have added Sammy Sosa (this is a fan game after all) in the outfield for Alex Rios, put in Troy Glaus for Mike Lowell and then added Cabrera. But that would violate the statute that indicates that 1/3 of the roster must be either Red Sox or Yankees. Mike Freaking Lowell. Hell, Chone Figgins would be a better pick than Lowell.

(And yes that was a Smash Mouth reference above. THN is sliding into Bish territory now.)

Speaking of the Yankees, the Bronx really is burning as Scott Proctor put all of his equipment on the field and burnt it following a loss to the A’s on Saturday. Didn’t work as the A’s beat the Yankees again on Sunday. He obviously didn't go to UC Santa Barbara, otherwise he would have know that you don't burn stuff until you win. Now some of you were secretly pulling for the A’s to beat the Yankees this weekend and that's just wrong. Remember that when Oakland goes on its annual 30-game winning streak in August.

Be sure to vote for Kelvim "Pablo" Escobar today. Yes, the potential Cy Young winner isn't on the All-Star team. What more does this dude need to do? Other than play for Boston or New York?

Mike Hargrove abruptly resigned as manager in Seattle on Sunday. Dude never seemed the same seeing that he was the only manager to lose a World Series to the Braves. Hargrove said that he lacked passion. How is that difference than the rest of us? There are people out there editing golf magazines who gave up on life a long time ago. Or the dude who quit being a chiropractor to do God know’s what. Suck it up next time.

Why do guys insist on running on Vladimir Guerrero? Don’t do it. That was a cool way to end a game, though.

Maria Sharapova is still alive at Wimbledon winning her latest match in a wet T-shirt. Look for Wimbledon ratings to be at an all-time high.

Jason Kapono always seemed like an airhead when he played at UCLA. Those thoughts were confirmed when he left Miami to sign with Toronto yesterday.

Thanks to all of you who found THN by typing in “Benoit Joke” into a search engine, according to Google Analytics. Seriously.

AND FINALLYPete Prisco looks at the Hall of Fame credentials of a number of current NFL stars. In other words, he had no idea what to write about during the offseason so he came up with this filler-column, which is akin to a TV series running a clip show. He makes a good point about Michael Strahan. The dude doesn’t belong in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, but he’ll get in because he’ll be in the media for the five years following his retirement. A ploy made popular by guys like Marcus Allen or Howie Long, marginal players who used their celebrity to win favor with the judges. That, or they were cool to Peter King. This is actually a cool debate and maybe we will get to that later this week.

Vlad's throw to home looked like something out of a video game. It mas made even better because he caught it basket style and running in. Too bad Napoli hurt his ankle on the play at the plate. The Carbrera snub is baloney. If Manny gets in by his peers as a reserve for the horrendous first half he has had, than Carbrera should have as well.

Even if Marcus Allen never gained a yard, nor scored a TD, being at the top of Al Davis' enemies list should automatically qualify him for the HOF. Besides making Nixon's enemies list, nothing could say more about a person's character than being hated by Al.

Somebody on one of the comedy writing boards was complaining that it was too soon for Benoit jokes. But seriously, those jokes are only funny when the jokes are immediate. Otherwise you get panned for telling old jokes.

Make no mistake, I don't think it's too soon for Benoit jokes. I think it's too soon and/or classless to make jokes when it involves his 7 year old. Call the dad a fuckhead all you want, but getting laughs at the expense of a dead child? That's cold.

Connie, I cried while writing this. I was also staring at a picture of you and masturbating - it's the greatest!

The Autumn Wind is a Hater!

The Hater Nation is back where it belongs. Turns out, we were too lazy to sellout. So unless somebody wants to give us $100K per year to tell McKenzie Phillips' jokes, we are probably going to be found here for a while.

Last and Ten Obvious Admissions We Would Like to See

10.Peter King admits it ... he really wants to sex up Brett Favre. And he wants to give Tom Brady a coffee enema.

9. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones admits that his face is as real as Joan Rivers' face.