Questioner : Five months ago my boyfriend broke up with me and I was originally going to ask how do I get over my ex. And then I thought some more, I ask myself why am I not over him, and then I thought because I’m way too attached. Because maybe I don’t want to get over this guy, because of all the past memories and then I hope for more. Well he knows I still like him and he knows. He told me that he doesn’t like me but I just felt really pathetic. And we still maintain a close relationship even now. So thus I tried getting over him in many ways and I tried surrounding myself with lots of things including my friends and other guys and that obviously didn’t work. So I thought to myself, wow, I seriously do depend on other people.

So now I want to ask you how do I get less attached, and I know you said before that this is a habit and I’m pretty young. So how do I break that habit and how do I become independent as in what I do and as in realize I don’t need a guy in my life for my needs and happiness?

Ven. Pomnyun's Answer to "Can We Live Only with Love without Darkness? ” Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at Busan City Hall, Busan (June 15, 2019)

my question is, Mister, what do you think about Yin Yang philosophy as there is a day and night, there is love and hate, and the complete contrary is the utopia. What do you think is the possibility to live only or if there is a possibility to live only with love as according to Buddha’s teaching? If we look at love or let’s say light is just non-presence of darkness, so if it’s possible actually, if in this world we can live only with love, except [for] the night. If there is a possibility that we can live without the dark side, let’s say. Because I believe each person has their own dark side and we need this dark side to be here, to appreciate the good things that happen in our lives. So I would define the love as the bright side. Thank you for answering. I really appreciate it. So I would just say that Majjhimāpaṭipadā, the middle way. It’s the coexistence, as you said, of all the religions, all types of religions they coexist, all Buddhist systems. So I think as well the light and darkness as well the love and hate, as long as there is the middle way there is the coexistence. This is the most important thing. Thank you.

Ven. Pomnyun's Answer to "How to Find Peace in a Relationship” Selection from a Dharma Q&A session at Busan City Hall, Busan (June 15, 2019)

Questioner : I find that when I’m alone I’m generally at peace, you know, in my day to day life. But whenever I’m in a relationship, I start to stress and think is this person what’s best for me. Is this person on my path, so to speak. I just want to know how to have more peaceful and connected relationship and get away from these kinds of thoughts.