Changing minds and perceptions

Advantages and Disadvantages of the Extended Family in Africa

An extended family consists of people who are closely related living together in the same house or compound. Usually, it consists of parents, grandparents, uncles and aunties, cousins, nephews and nieces all living together in a huge house, though it depends on whether it is a large family or not. Extended family like any other thing has advantages as well as disadvantages. In some instance however, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and so it should be preserved because it brings out the true African in us.
Having grown in such extended family, though not a very large one, I can deduce the advantages as follows; first, living in an extended family has taught me more of my history, the history of the family and made me understood my language better. Normally, my parents go to work and so they had little time to teach us all these things. But having my aunties and uncles around has helped me learn so much about my history. I was never lonely while my parents were away, my aunty would narrate folk stories to me in Fulfulde and because of my curiosity, I would ask to know more about her background and by so doing I got to know more about the family history as a whole.

Furthermore, in an extended family, one has the opportunity of multi-parenting. One is being cared for by different people and this gives me the feeling of being loved by everyone. You never feel dejected or depressed, because if you are being rejected by one person, you are accepted by the other. Due to the large number, one is opportune to learn the values and norms of the society from different people. Therefore, it gives children much more experience and exposure than in a small nuclear family where you learn only from your parents and no one else to help. Your parents cannot teach you everything. Even if they know everything, they cannot teach you because of the little time they have.
Children who grow in extended families learn cooperative work and develop a sense of brotherhood and caring for others so that when they go to the outside world, they become attached to the community and by so doing take all people in the community as his siblings. This helps us to become good leaders of the society. In addition, there is unity among members and thus one can seek protection from his immediate family members.

Another tremendous benefit is seen when there is a new birth, the presence of aunts make it easy for the mother since they take turns in taking care of the baby while the mother get some time to rest. For this, I am a witness and I can’t even imagine how the sufferings would be if everything is left for the mother to do on her own.
Like I said earlier, extended family also has some disadvantages just like any other thing. For instance, one’s privacy may be denied in some cases because of the large number of people. There are some things you will want to do alone or sometimes one may want to think or spend time alone in privacy all of which is very hard to do in the extended family especially a very large one. There is also a kind of monarchy in extended family. A decision made by the over head which is usually the grandfather cannot be challenged any other person. This is a disadvantage because one may not be allowed to exercise his rights of freewill to something.
Some Children get spoilt in extended family by the grandparents. Because the grandparents so love them, they are given freewill to almost anything for some even the bad deeds are ignored. The grandparents may also prevent the parents from taking action on their children and this brings about disrespect from the child’s end.

Trouble, quarrel and conflicts are almost inevitable in extended family. Most times, there are fights especially when there is no mutual understanding among members. You hear about cousins fighting cousins, an uncle hates his nephew and so on and so forth. On the other hand, quarrels are almost null in the nuclear family. Who do you want to fight? Your siblings or parents. But in the extended family, due to the large size and little far relationship between people, these conflicts tend to prevail.
Looking at both sides, it can be deduced that even though extended family has some disadvantages, still yet, the advantages outweighs the disadvantages. Its practice in Africa should therefore be preserved. People should realize the value of having family there to help support them when in need and to give them wisdom in ways that were never thought to be possible.

This article really very good. When I was small I’m in extended family, even-though after marriage I moved to my dad given new home. It harts me. In honeymoon also I feel difficulty of sleeping. My thoughts are in extended family. My brothers, sisters, mom,dad, grandma, grandpa every things come to my mind. Because of that I told my teenage twin brothers to come to my house to live with us.

Not All Southerners Are Intoxicated with Oil; Finally, At Least One Has Spoken Sense// This is the piece published yesterday in the Vanguard by one of its columnists, Femi Aribisala. Nigeria without the North will no longer be Nigeria, he said. Nations, said Aribisala, will fight to have what is the North. Certainly, many southerners, as he charged, are into […]

2015: The Arithmetic of Bad Luck// By Dr. Aliyu U. Tilde// (In the article, // refers to end of paragraph)// The ongoing crisis in the ruling Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) is deepening by the day. I was among the sceptics that dismissed the crisis as one of those that the ruling party would weather. However, there are many indications that this one is provi […]

Clarifications on Islam and Our Suicide Bombers By Dr. Aliyu U. Tilde I must apologise to my readers that I have not been around to comment on issues raised since I posted the article Islam and Our Suicide Bombers at midnight yesterday. I have returned to find that over 286 comments were made on it after it has been viewed by over 22,000 readers in the first […]

Islam and Our Suicide Bombers By Dr. Aliyu U. Tilde Few hours ago, a suicide bomb killed a very popular senior cleric in Damascus, Muhammad Said Al-Bouti, while he was delivering a regular lecture in his mosque. Twenty other worshipers lost their lives along with the 84-year-old cleric. The cleric was a Sunni supporter of the Assad regime. Three days ago, a […]

Obasanjo Planned Jonathan’s Presidency in 2006 By Dr. Aliyu U. Tilde Yesterday, I posted on my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/A.U.Tilde) the January 3 cover story of Daily Trust, “Maj. Gen. Minimah (from Cross Rivers) May Become Army chief, More Retirements Coming”. It was not until later in the evening that it dawned on me that Obasanjo did indeed planned […]