Florida Snow Daze

I understand that it is probably snowing where you are, but I live in Florida. Snow is a rare thing. The radio is even announcing that there may be school closures. We understand closing the schools for hurricanes. After all, the schools are the hurricane shelters. But children in Florida getting a snow day? Well, I guess there is always a first time.

We are now hearing reports of 1” of snow near the coast, which is where I live. A mile north there could be anywhere from 2” to 4” of the Yankee cotton. For those of you living with 15” of this stuff, I am sure it is difficult to understand the panic that ensues here in Florida and Alabama.

We know how to handle wind and water. Give us a good ole hurricane and we spring into preparedness frenzies and git er done. Snow in Florida is like sending a hurricane to Wyoming. We are not equipped for sleet, ice or snow. We have no equipment to prepare the roads. We have no equipment to clear the roads. Our vehicles are not equipped with anything other than tires and the possible pontoon. Basically we have no equipment for any of the hazards this stuff presents. We are also a little short in the know how department. Oh I’m sure the children will know what to do with the stuff. But as for anyone who may have to drive in it, forget it. Our accident rates are going to climb dramatically tomorrow. Our auto insurance rates will probably climb also.

Florida already has more than the legal number of dumb drivers. We have people driving who can’t see over the windshield. We have people driving who learned the skill on trails in the backwoods and don’t understand the term right of way. It seems every Bubba dragging a trailer is also on the roads in Florida. The thought of these people trying to drive on roads covered with sleet makes me want to hide until it’s all over and the roads are safe again. Thankfully I drive to work when no one is on the roads except the occasional coon or opossum.

If all of this isn’t enough to frighten you out of your flip-flops and shorts, just check out our local weather on www.weather.com. I did. It ticked me off.

www.weather.com map

I went to the site and entered the zip code for my area – 32501. I just wanted to view the map of where this snowfall is predicted to hit. I sort of got the answer, but they gave me additional

useless information. Do you see it? Not only is it going to snow, but apparently there are NO ski resorts near me. Who knew? No ski resorts in Florida. That was something I didn’t need the weather website to tell me. Listen up weather people, Snow Mizer, Mother Nature and anyone else who has some influence on this mess – I Live In FLORIDA. The snowless capital of the country.

We don’t do snow here. We can’t drive in it. Our children don’t understand snow days. No one can drive in the white stuff. Our power grids are not built for snow and ice – they are built for wind and rain. We have heat pumps here that keep our houses a few degrees warmer or colder than the outside air. We have swimming pools that are not designed for ice skating rinks. We have year round bar-b-ques. We wear shorts and sandals. We don’t have coats, mittens, gloves, hats and snow gear.

I am fairly certain there are many laughing at our predicament, especially Mother Nature and that stupid groundhog named Phil. Snow daze here we come – ready or not.

6 comments

We have a bit extra of the white stuff. I can ship you a few hundred snowman kits (carrots, coal, sticks and a few tons of snow). That way you can use what you have plus this new gift to get in practice. Then, when it melts, you can practice flood damage. We’ve had enough of that practice!!!!

Dear Wanda,
Living in Wisconsin, and before that for many years in North Dakota where the temperature has dipped to lower than -30º many days this winter, I have a bit of a problem sympathizing with you. Still, having transplants at the Grand Forks Air Force Base from many southern states, I understand your fears about the accidents.
Meanwhile, our youngest son lives in New Orleans, and he told me recently that he really misses the change of seasons. He’s delighted now that they might cancel some of the Mardi Gras activities this week BECAUSE OF SNOW! He’s prepared to do (snowball) battle with anybody who complains!
Janet Elaine Smith, multi-genre author

Wanda, thanks for writing from your perspective. We are winterized up north in Minnesota; I personally have a 4 X 4 chick truck, along with my husband and our son. These monster trucks block our whole driveway, Joanie