The End-All Be-All “American Horror Story” Recap To Prep For The Start Of Season 6

Tonight, it’s happening. After weeks of confusion, lies, and false leads, it’s finally coming to an end. FX is putting us out of our misery. The sixth season of “American Horror Story” starts tonight, and not a moment too soon. So, in honor of the return of the best show on television, here’s a full recap of the past five seasons And considering how all of the seasons are related, it would be smart of you to take notes.

And as for spoilers, I can’t promise anything. There might be some in here. I tried to leave them out but come on — binge on the show like the rest of us or GTFO.

American Horror Story: Murder House (Season 1)

The first season is about infidelity. The story takes place in 2011 and follows the Harmon family: psychiatrist Ben (Dylan McDermott), his wife Vivien (Connie Britton), and their teenage daughter Violet (Taissa Farmiga), who move from Boston to Los Angeles after Vivien has a miscarriage and Ben had an affair. The Harmons move into a restored mansion and soon encounter the home’s former residents, the Langdons – Constance (Jessica Lange) and her two children, Tate (Evan Peters) and Addie (Jamie Brewer) – and the disfigured Larry Harvey (Denis O’Hare). Ben and Vivien try to rekindle their relationship, as Violet, suffering from depression, finds comfort with Tate. The Langdons and Larry frequently influence the Harmons’ lives, as the family discovers that the home is haunted by the ghosts of anyone who has ever died on the property.

Best Things About Season 1:
• All of the hot undead people. Hello? The maid? Tate? The creepy person in the bondage suit (who was also Tate but whatever)? Yes. Please.
• The chick from House of Cards was Ben’s mistress, which felt like a connection between our favorite shows.
• We meet Zachary Quinto and just immediately fall in love. Same goes for Jessica Lange. And Evan Peters.
• That twist where Violet had actually killed herself?! Shit was good.
• Everyone dies but they all become ghosts and pretty much live happily-ever-after.

Worst Things About Season 1:
• Literally everyone died.
• And you sort of didn’t realize how freaky the show was going to be so you’d watch it alone at night and FTFO.
• Emma Roberts wasn’t in it.
• Tate ended up being kind of a dick, proving that even dead guys are sometimes assholes.
• Living/being dead in that house would be annoying AF which is a shame because it’s actually, really pretty.

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Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.