Before I begin, I just wanted to add a little note to say that due to some personal time constraints (I’m in the process of moving), this week’s and next week’s summaries probably won’t be up to the usual RTVW snark standard. I’ll throw some things in here and there, but I just wanted to forewarn you so you aren’t wondering why it's not funny

Last week

VO: Kelly has struggled but her spirit has carried her through. No, I’m thinking it’s more like her rabid psycho fans, but to each his own. Joey’s energy has wowed the crowd, while the judges have been left cold. John is the master entertainer, but has he peaked too soon. Now that has TOTALLY got to be code for something.

VO: Three stars, two places in the finals. Brak, brak, brak.

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John: If I don’t make the final, I’m going to be really disappointed. Thank you, foreshadowing!

Foxtrot, Deertrot

Kelly’s once again wearing a revealing costume, letting the entire world know that she’s got enormous boobage for her small frame and no hips whatsoever. But she’s still cute and shows lots of skin, so no one really cares.

Last week, so much drama, so little time left. This week promises to be even more entertaining/exciting. Yawn

Lisa yaks about the scoringTom says that Paso Doble means “to come” and the audience laughs right on cue (why, I don’t know, unless everyone’s all about the code tonight).

This week, we’re doing the Foxtrot and the Paso Doble. I’m actually excited about this week…while the foxtrot is not the most entertaining dance in the world for the audience, I’m really looking forward to the Paso Doble. I think John will be perfectly suited for this style of dance. And hopefully he won’t be showing off his Spanish flair in that red speedo promised to us previously.

The foxtrot is the most playful and most difficult – signature steps include the three step and grapevine.

Paso Doble is the dance of the bullfight – fiery Flamenco… stomping feet and passionate facial expressions. Kelly is great at stomping her feet in other dances and John and Joey are quite known for making ‘interesting’ faces (which I would, in no way shape or form, define as ‘passionate’), so we'll just have to see how this plays out tonight.

On with the show...

John & Charlotte

The judges said John & Charlotte’s Samba was a big disappointment…

John: I think it was the first I had that sense of the bottom falling out…I’m feeling a little bit more pressure this week because the styles are so different.

Charlotte: Foxtrot is the closest to my heart…it is my favorite dance…

John: the Foxtrot I’m doing for her, the Paso Doble I’m doing for me because it’s a lot of fun

John: I am Fernando! I fight bulls for a living and I am a vegetarian.

Dancing to Let There Be Love.

First things first…I’m really surprised by Charlotte’s shoes…unless she’s trying to take the focus away from something else (like her partner), you NEVER wear shoes that ‘loud’ in dance…it is extremely distracting. Maybe competitive ballroom dancing is different (as far as I've seen it's not...they almost always wear strappy black or beige shoes), but it's extremely difficult to focus on the dance when you've got these big greenish blue shoes in your face. Second, this is a ‘slow foxtrot’ not the one with the typical ‘slow-slow-quick-quick’ steps. I happen to prefer the more up-tempo foxtrot, but I think this is much easier for the beginners. Now on to the dance, The choreography is a little boring and simple at times, though it was very well done. John did a good job with the foxtrot steps and as always, their use of the entire floor was great. The two of them always look like a couple when they’re dancing.

Now, the judges are scoring both dances again. I think they need to decide on the way in which they’re scoring and stick with it.

Judges:

Len: It was unbelievable. You were elegant…it was truly two people dancing as oneCarrie: This week you brought it all back…your turns, your footwork, everything was amazing…this was my favorite to watch to farBruno: John, Ballroom becomes you…you told a story, I liked that

Backstage:

Lisa breaks out her arsenal of thought-provoking questions..."How do you think it went?"John: I think it went well.

These two sure are starting the night off with bang!

Scores:

9 – 9 – 9

I’d have given them an 8, mostly because while they did a great job, it’s still early in the evening and the routine itself wasn’t exactly thrilling.

Kelly & Alec

Kelly: I’ve got to get over the fact that I almost flashed 16 million people (awww, she’s just mad ‘cause a trophy just can’t compare to what Playboy paid).

Kelly: My schedule is so tight that I have Alec coming to my job to rehearse in between scenes…on the back of my script I have my dance moves written down…I’m gonna dance 4 hours a day, 5 hours a day, whatever it takes to get the job done. If I go down, I’m going down with a fight…the Eye of the Tiger, baby

Dancing to Norah Jones’ Don’t Know Why.

Now, judging by the above picture, you can probably see why I'm always complaining about Kelly's posture. That is just not attractive. Watching the dance, they’re not with the music at all…it’s like they’re dancing to some completely different song. Now I’m not only a dancer, but also a drummer, and I know a thing or two about rhythm. Their rhythm was all off during the various foxtrot steps. The three step is supposed to be three steps in four beats and while they did usually take three steps in four beats, it was not with the music. It was difficult to watch because they always seemed to be ahead of the music during those parts. They did the grapevine well, though. I'm not enjoying their choreography, either. All in all, I was still impressed with Kelly because she’s shown a lot of growth…but the timing was bothersome for me (and as always, her posture).

Before going to the judges, Kelly makes a remark about renaming the dance a deer trot so that she would not be confused – a deer is slower and a fox is fast. The Kelly, she funny.

Judges:

Bruno: What a competitor you’ve proven to be…I never would have thought you’d be here now…the foxtrot is the most difficult dance to master, sometimes a few technical mishaps, but it’s very, very difficult and you’ve done well

Len: Certain dances suit certain people…you’re a Latin dancer really, when you get that Latin music you really perform when it comes to being elegant and gliding across the floor, it’s not quite as good, but it was a terrific effort.

Carrie: You’ve come so far…the posture is coming naturally for you and I thought you did a great job

I agree with Len. Elegant dances are not for Kelly. She just does not have the posture and ‘grace’ for it. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t made vast improvements, it just means she doesn’t have any sort of career in ballroom dancing ahead of her.

Scores:

8 – 7 – 7

I’d have given them a 7 for effort and for how far Kelly has come. If I were judging the dancing alone, I’d probably give them a 6.

Joey & Ashly

Last week they struggled to impress the judges…

Joey: I’m disappointed in Len…he’s disappointed in me and I’m disappointed in him and I feel like I step up every week.

Ashly: This week it’s time to get tough…Joey and I are friends – as of right now, there’s no time to be friends…I just have to be teacher.

Joey: I think what I need to do to make it to the finals is just keep my mouth shut. Now, I’m out of my league so I just have to listen to Ashly…she’s the professional – whatever she says goes.

Dancing to Big Spender.

I love this sort of choreography, but I’m not sure about it for ballroom dancing. The two steps the judges are supposed to be looking for are both certainly there, but they are taking a lot of leeway with the dance itself. She’s definitely much more of a showy choreographer than the others. Their dance was extremely fun and entertaining, but I just don’t see it as a ballroom dance.

Judges:

Carrie: You’ve been consistently good. We’ve been waiting for you to break out, I thought tonight you broke out.

Bruno: I totally disagree. This was Guys and Dolls, this wasn’t foxtrot. I appreciate the performance, it was a great performance. You have to do a foxtrot…you broke the rules a little bit. Ashly interjects… “I thought we were doing open foxtrot…it was American and International” Ashly looks like she wants to sock someone! Oooh, please aim in Lisa Canning’s direction, wouldya?

Len: I thought there was too much…as an entertaining number I thought it was great, but there wasn’t enough foxtrot.

Couldn’t agree more with the men. It was fun and entertaining, but not foxtrotty enough.

Scores:

8 – 6 – 6

I can’t decide what I would have given them because it was such a drastically different dance from the slow foxtrots of the first two couples and it definitely seemed like they were taking a lot of ‘poetic license’ (if you will). I think I’d give them a 7 because the dance and execution was a lot better than Kelly’s, but they were way too showy.

Ashly: I’m disappointed. Joey & I danced a foxtrot. Wah, wah, wah.

Paso Doble

John looks nice…great footwork. And great use of the costume! Charlotte started off with a cape wrapped around her waist as part of her skirt and John used it later as a prop. Very nice! I would have liked to see a little bit more "Flamenco” aspects (the footwork) because I think John is capable of doing it, but with their time constraints, I certainly can understand why they opted to keep it more simple. Charlotte is obviously doing her job…she has taught John the perfect posture for a Paso Doble. He looks fantastic in his stance and the facial expressions were a little less odd and painful-looking than usual.

Judges:

Bruno: Fantastico Fernando. Que bien! You have a fantastic teacher…your performance always tells a story. There is always a relationship between the two of you.

Len: In the Paso Doble you’re looking for technique, routine, and performance, Your technique is pretty good. Charlotte you produced a beautiful routine. Your performance is great as always.

Carrie: Your routines are always so engaging to watch…once again, I think you guys are the couple to beat.

Backstage:

John cracks some more jokes, as always. He says something about filing for unemployment since he’s no longer fighting bulls. *groan*

Scores:

9 – 9 – 9

They were on fire tonight. I’d give them a 9, too. It was a very fun performance without being over-the-top showy. I think this was perhaps the best choreographed routine of the entire show.

Kelly & Alec

Dancing to Bamboleo!

I love this song!!!! It’s one of my favorite songs of all time! Yay! Kelly actually looks very good when she’s on time, which, sadly, isn't very often. Great choreography. Alec continues to choreograph to her strengths while hiding her weaknesses. This is the most at ease and natural she’s looked in all of her performances, despite the timing issues. It’s obvious that she’s more comfortable with this style of dancing. Alec is a fantastic choreographer.

Judges:

Len: I was worried that you wouldn’t be able to keep up with him…the only criticism is lifting your ribcage but it was a great great performance.

Carrie: Your lines are great now…I’m impressed

Bruno: Suxy (yeah, he aid SUXY), sexy, saultry (pretty sure he said saultry instead of sultry, too). You use your assets properly. Ya think? Just take one look at her costumes and I think we’re all in agreement that Kelly knows what her ‘assets’ are. Bruno wins the tYco award of the evening (which Lisa has completely dominated in the past).

Scores:

9 – 8 – 8

I’d have given them an 8 as I thought they did the most difficult dance and Kelly obviously has to work extremely hard each week. That said, I can’t believe no one mentioned her horrid timing. She was probably the best I’ve seen her overall if I could just ignore her lack of rhythm/timing. Even with the timing slip-ups, she impressed me a lot in this dance. She’s definitely much better suited for Latin dancing, as Len pointed out earlier in the evening.

Joey & Ashly

Dancing to Eye of the Tiger.

Umm, Ojo del Tigre? This is Spanish how, exactly? Maybe these dancers are actually choosing their own songs after all, because I can’t imagine the producers picking this song for a Paso Doble. Yuck. I can’t get into the dance as a result. Okay, I’ll watch it while muted (though that certainly takes away from the overall performance…music is so important). Well it’s definitely more enjoyable without the Eye of the Tiger cheesefest. There are some nice aspects to the choreography here…a few nice intertwining movements between the two. The ending pose was not suited for the dance (Joey’s at any rate). But Joey looked pretty comfortable with this dance.

Carrie: I saw the eye of the tiger in you. This was your best performance ever…every line was finished completely

Bruno: This was a convincing performance

Len: It had passion, aggression.

Tom: Who knew that all we had to do was get Ashly ticked off?

Scores:

9 – 8 – 8

Another 8 from me. Overall, everyone did very well.

Judgment Time

Okay, so…is anyone else hoping for a three-way tie just to see what would happen? Would they change the scoring system yet again next week as a result? Okay, so I guess they kind of have to change the scoring system when it's just two couples. Maybe next week, the studio audience will be filled with monkeys who'll vote on their performances to break any potential ties. With this funky scoring system, who the hell knows!?!?

I’m not surprised about the result at all. Joey & Ashly were much more Broadway than Ballroom.

They dance the show out to Winner Takes it All (ABBA).

So now it’s down to the graceful and elegant John & Charlotte vs. the determined and dedicated Kelly & Alec. Tune in next week to see the final showdown. Maybe we’ll get lucky and someone will actually fall down during competition. Oh come on, I KNOW I’m not the only one secretly hoping someone crashes and burns…