Thoughts from the interface of science, religion, law and culture

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

EVENTS

The Wonders of Get Tall 1000

On Wednesday night, my friend Dr. Greg Forbes gave a talk to CFI Michigan about alternative medicine and all the absurd and unproven claims found in supplements and “homeopathic” medicine. He had us all cracking up when he brought up a product called Get Tall 1000, which actually claims to make you taller — with a 110% guarantee! This is seriously funny and has all the hallmarks of a mediscam. I’ve bolded all of the weasel words and meaningless bullshit in the ad:

100% GUARANTEED RESULTS ,100% ALL NATURAL (Less than 12 weeks Get appx 3-6 inches or 7.5-15 CM Taller , for age between 15-45 years old , for both MEN/WOMEN)

Discover the GET TALL Secret known to the stars in a new product that unblocks individual increasing height barriers.

In today’s competitive time, smart ,charming personality has a lot to offer to face the sharpness of the competition. There may be many causes of short stature or height but predominantly following factors rule its development. Forget about growth hormone injection or limb lengthening operation. They are way too expensive and dangerous for you. What you need is a safe, effective and affordable way to grow taller naturally and easily by using homoeopathic medicine GET TALL 1000.

It is seen that short heighten people are always tensed because of their height. There are many ways to increase height one is Scientific treatment due to which one can gain height and other is Homeopathic treatment which can give you height .Now you all can take a deep breath as now your height problem will be solved by NEW HOMEOPATHIC TREATMENT. First of all its necessary to know why our body growth stops. The growth is not only dependent on genetic but hormones equally plays important role in body’s growth. Cartilage is the joint which is present in between the hormones bones. Now it is proved that cartilage plays an important role in the growth of the body. Cartilage is like sponge or cushion present between the joints of the bones. Cartilage can be kept fit & fine by supplying good required amount of energetic food to the hormones because the development of the cartilage is the reflection of the growth of height. Pituitary gland also gives many hormones which affect the upper bodies 26 bones and lower bodies 62 bones whose cartilage is affected. But now we have discovered the reasons of Short heighten ,why growth is stopped ?

By using GET TALL 1000 regularly the cartilage can be made strong and healthy ,so the height can be increased. and you can gain your actual height get tension free from your height problem.

Intensive scientific research has also proven that both male/female age between 15-40 years old can grow a few inches taller even after the bones in their lower body have become ossified (commonly known as bone plate is fused). This is because besides the length of the femur bone (thighbone), shinbone, and other bones in the lower body, the length of the spinal column in the upper body also significantly contributes to human height (about 35% of the total height).

The development of the 26 skeletal bones and the cartilageneous portions of the 62 bones of the lower body. The stimulation of the pituitary gland would increase hormonal production, which would then spur the growth of the cartilageneous portions of the bones of the lower body, ultimately leading to height increase.

Human spinal column consists of 33 separate bone segments known as vertebrae held together by ligaments (tough and fibrous tissue). Out of these 33 vertebrae, only the lowest 9 are fused into two immovable bones, the sacrum and the coccyx, forming the back of the pelvis. All the other 24 vertebrae are permanently movable and thus will never be fused. These 24 vertebrae are the 7 cervical (neck), 12 thoracic (back of chest), and 5 lumbar (loin).

Located between each of these 24 vertebrae are cartilaginous pads called disks . The thickness of the disks determines the length of the spinal column and directly influences the height. There are totally 25 disks, their combined length accounts 25% of your total height. Since these disks are non-fusible cartilages, they can constantly grow thicker under the stimulation of growth hormone during a life time. The thicker those disks are, the longer your spinal column is and the taller you become. Even each disk grows only 0.50 cm (0.2 inch) thicker, which is the length of this line in quotes you will grow 0.50 * 25 = 12.50 cm (5.0 inches) taller.

GET TALL 1000 is created by a leading homeopathic doctor and the formula has been reviewed by several Naturopaths, Homeopaths, and Doctors. It is manufactured in a well respected specialized homeopathic lab facility. We are so confident that it is backed by a 110% guarantee. Don’t Miss It and get BEAUTIFUL BODY with us.

The best thing about GET TALL 1000 is YOU DON’T NEED TO DO ANY EXERCISE or DON’T NEED TO MAINTAIN ANY DIET, you can maintain yours normal daily routine and see the results within few days of using our product. The results are PERMANENT.

GET TALL 1000 is registered with the GMP as an over-the-counter (OTC)/Pharmaceutical remedy. GET TALL 1000 have GMP and Clinically Proven registrations. It is an easy to use, safe and inexpensive way to gain height & a New You. With a dose of determination to make the necessary a change, GET TALL 1000 will help kick start your body’s natural desire to get tall quickly.

Continue using our GET TALL 1000 Product for 2-3 month and after that you can discontinue our product ,your height start increasing within 2 month and gradually increases day by day naturally at normal range.We are so confident that it is backed by a 110% guarantee. There is nothing to lose but only Getting TALL , DON’T MISS IT and Get Beautiful Body with us naturally in a fast & effective way.

Some of that is laugh out loud funny, like “Cartilage is the joint which is present in between the hormones bones.” Uh, what? “Cartilage can be kept fit & fine by supplying good required amount of energetic food to the hormones because the development of the cartilage is the reflection of the growth of height.” I’ll take gibberish for $1000, Alex.

GET TIGHT VAGINA 1000 have a special formula which tighter yours vagina from inside of the genital area. Its 100% effective and gives guaranteed and permanent results naturally within 1 month time.

GET TIGHT VAGINA 1000 also increases the sexual drive/desire and makes you more stronger & sexually active.

After a long research, our doctors have made this homeopathic medicine GET TIGHT VAGINA 1000.

And it’s 110% guaranteed! NOW how much would you pay? But wait, there’s more…It will also “make yours’ Vagina tighten/softer/pinkish inside.” For a limited time only, void where prohibited, try to not to laugh too loud at the morons who fall for this crap.

1.) If you don’t like the product, you can return within 2 days of the delivery and we will do the full refund (minus shipping cost)

2.) If you cancel the product after the order, we will do the full refund (minus shipping cost)

3.) If you are not satisfied with the product & results, we will do the full refund within 1 Week to yours bank account , once you requested for the “Refund”, send us the empty bottles , and you have to email/post us “Before-After” results photos/medical certificate. Once we get these documents, we will process the request for full refund. . We will need yours full bank account details. If any other query email us at adishom@hotmail.com

So to get your money back you have to either claim within two days or provide photos and a medical certificate proving the product didn’t work. Seems they want a higher level of proof from dissatisfied marks than they offer themselves.

Based on the language used in the ad, it is from an Asian country and aimed at an Asian audience. I’m not being racist here, just using my linquistics background and some recent news reports here in MN. Police recently raided a Hmong market and found mislabled drugs, poisons being sold as drugs, needles, etc. These items are bought be people with no access to real medicine or no trust of western medicine. It’s more than funny, it’s sad. Too much money is wasted on products that have no value. Americans of all persuasions buy billions of dollars worth of stuff that is “guaranteed” to make them look younger, feel better, have better sex, cure their ailments, etc. None of it works. These are the same people that buy stuff from the television marketing channels (QVC, Shop NBC, HSN, etc.) and go bankrupt and have no retirement funds. Barnum had it right — a sucker born every minute and our economy needs them.

I guess that anyone stupid enough to not only bite on this hook but try to try for a refund deserves to have his checking account raided. This obviously wasn’t originally written in English. For some reason, maybe the confusion of the plural with the possessive, it looks Asian.

Makes me really wish that the Dark Web had a site named threebigbastardswithbrassknucks.com, whose slogan is “We never kill, because dead men feel no pain.” Their service would be expensive (given the amount of work and travel it would take to physically locate the target), but a crowdfunding operation could solve that problem.

In some neighborhoods in the south, grocery stores have displays of magic candles with names like “Romance”, “Curse Removal” and “Money Drawing.” They all have “Alleged” in tiny print at the top of the label, so they ooze under state fraud statutes. This scam was old before the first computers; it came over with the first wave of Catholic immigrants from southern Europe and got a big boost from the Mexican Stealth Invasion.

Stever, it’s way older than that. “Thog! Try Big Caveman 1…uh…2? Guarantee make you biggest caveman in cave! Women and mammoth fall at your feet. Just give me you woman and you meat. If you not like, if mammoth stomp you flat, me give you back woman and meat. Promise! You trust me!”

While living in Oz, they would refer to this as chinglish out of disrespect for Chinese immigrants whom spoke broken English.

Although I despise the racial stereotype, I’ve also seen some spectacular fails on this front, It always seems to be due to either an asian (or indian) marketer attempting to either sell to an English-speaking market, or to those attempting to be “western” from their own culture for the same reason.

Given the syntax and word choice, with emphasis on getting an edge and the benefits of being taller, I suspect that this ad is directed at the desperate youths within the hyper-competitive Chinese market.

The Chinese culture and market cater to numerous forms of superstition and quackery. Lacking even basic consumer protection the field is open for exploitation using the market’s fears, weaknesses, and outrageous claims.

Giving my “full bank account details” (my name and account number) shouldn’t allow anyone to take money from my bank account, only transfer money to it. They would either need to have my online authentication codes (which aren’t in any way bank account details), in which case they wouldn’t need any account details anyhow, or impersonate me to the bank fraudulently, which should require stealing or forging ID, which would once again make account details irrelevant.

The only way the account number would help someone would be if they used it as a part of a social engineering attack…which might well work. Social engineering is often the easiest way around security measures and every detail you know can help you be more convincing, but it usually involves more close interaction than is likely for foreign fraudsters.

Does anyone know the details of how Jeremy Clarkson’s information was used to make a donation in his name after he naïvely declared that he wasn’t concerned about privacy? Does the UK use some outdated banking methods or was it something more elaborate?

Reminds me of a scene from a BBC comedy called “Chef” in which I discovered the true nature of Stilton Cheese (the kind you can hopefully can still get at the farmer’s market) when the EU food cops came down on stinky cheese infested with bugs…

A luminary chef was asking the titular one, as if one is looking for weed where he could “get some…”