15 year old won't go to school

Hi everyone would just like some advice (well a magic cure would be good but doubt anyone has it!!)
My 15 year son spent last school year getting into trouble and just generally not doing his school work. The tension and rows at home were horrible and when the 6 weeks holidays arrived I was relieved. We had a nice summer but now he went back on monday to start year 11 and today wednesday he has said he feels sick and tired so will go in half day. I can not forcibly take him to school as he is just too big so I have just shouted at him to which he just told me to leave him alone and go away. I had to stop myself from crying as I have 2 other children who I needed to be there for. I really don't know what to do I dread another year of fights and rows and just feel like a complete failure. I can't just give up on him but can see him just trying to leave school with no qualifications no prospects and definately no job.

Hi rachel sorry I don't think I have any advice but didnt want to read and not reply it must be an awful situation for you, they are still your babies even at 15. I remember as a child my brother wouldn't go to school for a while and we never got to the bottom of it, is there a particular reason that he doesnt want to go, has he had some bullying or something that he doesnt want to talk about, he may be scared of going, the trouble he got into last year could also be a result of it. My children still a lot younger so havent got to high school yet but I think I would sit him down on his own and try and see if he will let you have someone from school round to the house, this is what my parents did with my brother , this was about 20 years ago so there was no such thing as learning mentors etc. but maybe in his own surroundings he will open up more, they may suggest him being in some different grouops to get away from the people that he is getting into trouble with. The only other thing is maybe to go to college when he has finished this year and have a fresh start at another place, sorry not much help but just wanted to let you know thinking of you and hope it resolves.

Hi Rachel
I can really sympathise with you as i have been through the same thing a couple of years ago with my son who was 13 at the time.He was never in trouble at school but he's a very sensitive boy and unfortunately he was bullied because of this. After many meetings with the school and many many sleepless nights and tears we finally took him out of school to home educate.I just could not cope with the stress of trying to force him to school- he was so unhappy.He's 15 now and just passed 3 gcse's. He's doing 3 more next May.
I know this probably isn't an option for you at this late age as he will soon be leaving anyway but i just wanted to let you know you are not alone in feeling this way.Could you not arrange a meeting with the school? i have to say when we had our problems the school were so helpfull and came up with different options - even though in the end we decided to remove him.So it could be worth a try for you.
I wish you lots of luck.
Katy x

Thank you both for your replies. It is not the bullying problem he has just got into a very lazy can't be bothered to work and would rather hang around with mates way of life. The school have been ok as I have been up there when he has been in trouble before but as we all know there is no miracle cure.
Thanks again for your replies and I will just have to keep trying.

Hi
I dont know if he has a games console / pocket etc you can take away from him?? or something else he likes ! Get him up by 8am if possible! Also speak to your school's EWO or the boroughs as they may have some advice for you or even some options?

Hello Rachel,
I don't want to alarm you but, is your son aware that you are accountable if he truants from school? You will be the person that could get a fine.
Have a look at this page on the ParentLine Plus website for futher details, you can also ring their helpline on 0808 800 2222
as they will be able to give support and help you find out why your son is truanting.
If you prefer, I can ask our Parent Supporter Diane to offer you some advice as she also works for PLP.
This must be a stressful time for you Rachel.

This is Gill here, one of netmums parent supporters and an adviser at the Advisory Centre for Education.

I am sorry that it's all so difficult. It is very hard to force a teenager to go to school. However, as another poster said, you do have a legal duty to make sure your child is in full time education. It may be a good idea to contact the Education Welfare Service, based in your local authority, and talk through the problem with them. They are there to help and support parents whose children are refusing to go to school, or who are having attendance problems. But they also can prosecute and fine parents whose children are non-attenders. It's a good idea to contact them before they contact you!

As far as your son is concerned, there are alternatives to attending his school full time. It's not uncommon for boys (and girls) in Years 10 and 11 to have problems attending school, or problems in school, so there are other possibilities called Alternative Provision. Basically, you should ask for a meeting with the school and the education authority's flexi-learning co-ordinator (or whatever they call the person in charge of alternative provision) to discuss what package they could put together for your son, for example, perhaps he could be offered a day a week in college, or some work placements, or maybe some e-learning from home? Many teenagers prefer the college atmosphere and attitudes, where they are students rather than pupils and treated less like children. Is this something that might appeal to him, do you think?

Good luck - now is the time to ask the school and local authority for some help and support!

Hello Rachael,i know exactly how you feel!It is soooo frustrating because my son is clever and he is just throwing it all away!He says he wants to go college but i cannot see how they will even look at his application,he is on a reduced timetable at high school(and cant even be bothered to get up for that!),has been late every day since the beginning of year 11,even tho i ask him to get up every 10 mins from 730 am!ive tried it all,shouting,screaming,being informative,(no job=no money)and being nice,i really have lost faith in any professional help or support too!

my son was like this all through year 9 i was so scared he was going be permanently excluded
luckily i found one of his teachers to be sympathetic and he managed arrange my son do 2 days a week at college on a construction course and remaining days at school
my son realises he has earn this and apart from a minor hiccup when his nan passed away in december he has been model pupil

I have had very similar problems with my 15 yr old daughter, school has been very supportive and lately, well before summer break, the education welfare officer became involved. My daughter will not go to school, she says it depresses her and she cannot stand even being in the building! If we carry on the way we are I will be prosecuted!! The only way we can postively move forward is to choose to take her out of the system and home educate her. I feel I have no choice but the prospect of this, I feel, is totally terrifying and i feel quite inadequate!! Ultimately, some study at home is got to be better than nothing at all?? I don't know if this is something that you may consider, or if it's even helpful?? Good luck!

my son is 12 and wont go to school, it has been a struggle for years

Originally Posted by Rachel P(15)

Hi everyone would just like some advice (well a magic cure would be good but doubt anyone has it!!)
My 15 year son spent last school year getting into trouble and just generally not doing his school work. The tension and rows at home were horrible and when the 6 weeks holidays arrived I was relieved. We had a nice summer but now he went back on monday to start year 11 and today wednesday he has said he feels sick and tired so will go in half day. I can not forcibly take him to school as he is just too big so I have just shouted at him to which he just told me to leave him alone and go away. I had to stop myself from crying as I have 2 other children who I needed to be there for. I really don't know what to do I dread another year of fights and rows and just feel like a complete failure. I can't just give up on him but can see him just trying to leave school with no qualifications no prospects and definately no job.

hi my name is kat i also have a son who wont attend school, and recently i have been to court, not very nice . i believe we have been royally let down by the sysem. and it is really no good looking for help because there is nt any. all they do is tell you yhat you are at fault and to set stronger boundries....what a joke

my son is not at school

Hi, Just wondered if the Education Welfare Officer is part of the CAMHS or is this a different division? It seems to be very confusing for me at the moment, my son has not attended school fully since January 2012.
My doctor has referred him to CAMHS but I believe there is quite a long wait. There is an educational psychologist at school but I am told he has to be in school to see her! This is the whole problem, he cannot face going into school, so we need some help and support at home.

Does anyone have any advice? Getting quite desperate really and feel very helpless!

Ford Tuition

Hi. This site is new to me and I was advised by a friend of my daughter, who is a 29 year old mum of a 4 year old, to have a look and perhaps be able to offer help and advise.
I am a recently retired teacher (served 38 years) whose experiences extend from teaching specialist subjects at all levels, being Head of Upper School (pastoral), a Head of Year for 18 years, responsible for Child Protection and a mentor. For 3 years I jointly ran a DFE project surveying attendance issues in schools. Some of our work and findings were included in a book written by one of the country's leading experts in this area. I feel that i can offer independent advise (and tuition) to many parents whose children may need that little extra help in order for them to reach their potential. I am setting myself up in Private Tuition and can be found in Face Book under FordTuition. I am yet to establish the page as I would want it, but it is early days.

I can fully sympathise with you and your dilemma re your son attending school. There are potentially many reasons why he may have this need not to attend and quite obviously it is important to establish the ones (if indeed there are more than one - in my experience this is often the case) and then find appropriate ways in which he can be guided back into the system. You have received much sound advice from people who have similar experiences and also from at least one professional.
Your son will have had his initial reasons for not going to school - these can range from personal problems to peer pressure and "street cred". Possibly not valuing success due to negative feedback from peers, the media etc, can compound the problem. It is quite probable that the biggest area for him to deal with now is that of his progression - or lack of it. He is probably way off the mark regards examination work and preparation. Course work could be a nightmare scenario for him. No prospect of finishing it in time, therefore no prospect of passing. So what's the point of going? He may even realise now, deep down (and reluctant to announce), that he knows that he needs to go! But again why bother when failure seems inevitable. Easier to say afterwards, " well I only failed because i couldn't be bothered to go" rather than "well I tried, but I wasn't good enough".

I have many individual examples of the type of situation you describe and it is important to recognise that no child is the same. Each and every one has potentially unique reasons for not wishing to go to school. Schools and the various departments that work with them - EWO's for one - provide excellent, professional advice but can be restricted, to a degree, by time and other pressing issues. Often an independent professional with excellent inter-personal skills, and who doesn't offer the threat that may be perceived by the child, can manage the breakthrough that is required. Ultimately the system has to apply the law and rules. It is best to try and eliminate these from the your son's mind. The future needs to have a positive feel about it: there must be hope.

I can recount many cases over the years where we have guided children back into the system, or at least to some success, providing them with the potential for a future that gives them security and hope.

One student of mine, many years ago, was a habitual truant who had a multitude of reasons for not wanting to go to school. It took me a while to break down the barriers and then it all flooded out. I then had a clear view of the issues and of the route to take. Gradually over a period of a month I was able to reduce his fears and concerns. I got him in by first finding out his one interest in school - he enjoyed working with his hands and got on well with one of the technology teachers. He felt he could always talk with him but unfortunately this teacher was not on his timetable. I made sure he was, brought the boy in, initially 2 days a week. and based him down in Technology. Soon we had him attending his Form/Tutor periods and he spent time helping out in subject area. His skills were recognised and he was allowed to help out in Year 7 lunch time clubs, working with the younger children. I introduced him to the schools' Production Team, helping building sets for shows. His timetable had to be dramatically reduced in order to take away the confused and lost state of his mind. After 6 weeks he was back in English lessons, and two others. Those that he had no hope of passing we dropped. I designed a timetable programme, with him(!), that allowed him to catch up in the 2 subjects that he had a chance in. This programme was designed with him having a social life and holding down his Saturday job. Money was important to him! He stuck to the programme, having weekly progress chats, and passed in the four he was entered for. His Design and Technology grade was a B. There were conditions through out all of this - he learned that he had responsibilities and that he had to stay with them.

This was one way of dealing with one boy and his individual problems. Every child is different and should, in my opinion be recognised as such.

I am more than happy to open a dialogue regarding your son's situation, and any others who feel that I may be able to offer something that will be of help. I'm not sure if I am allowed to leave my email address on here but by all means do look me up on Face Book either under FordTuition or just Bob Ford.

Hello Rachael,i know exactly how you feel!It is soooo frustrating because my son is clever and he is just throwing it all away!He says he wants to go college but i cannot see how they will even look at his application,he is on a reduced timetable at high school(and cant even be bothered to get up for that!),has been late every day since the beginning of year 11,even tho i ask him to get up every 10 mins from 730 am!ive tried it all,shouting,screaming,being informative,(no job=no money)and being nice,i really have lost faith in any professional help or support too!

Hi Amanda- have a look at the different courses, some courses at an elementary level take kids as long as they "have education up to year 11", and don't need any grades. This is what my son and I've been looking at - he'll be encouraged to sit his grades again, alonside learning a trade. Good luck!
my son is currently missing from home- so college admission somewhat pales into insignificance for me at the moment (a sad LOL)