Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Last Letter

Dear Unknowing,

I'm tired.

I'm tired of these feelings that pile up and lead to no where. There is no escape. The door is closed.
I've exhausted all my body and soul into these feelings which are my heart's words.
So tired that all of me is consumed within these feelings that all is drained. And I'm left with nothing.
But emptiness.

I want to move on. I want to let you go. I want to be able to say, 'I'm no longer waiting for you.'
But somehow, everything is about you. Every time I write its as though they are letters secretly holding messages for you.

I'm tired of these feelings that keep on flowing and flowing until there is no room left in my heart for anyone else. I tried to open my heart to someone else but my heart was so full that the door got stuck and won't open to anyone else. . .Why?

Why am I so haunted by you?

I want to move on. . .To find a happiness on Earth that is entirely for me. As I have mentioned in my previous post Message in a Bottle that I do realise that happiness can be found elsewhere besides in a man but to me things like career and hobbies are temporary joy, they are different to what I want.

I want Eternity.

Even though, I want happiness I won't rush into a relationship ever again. I have learned much from my mistake. Even though I'm lonely, I won't use others to replace you. Because, I know that if I am to be loved, I want it to be because he loves me for who I am and not because I'm a replacement or a clone. I want to fully love another because he is he.

Dear Unknowing,

This will be my last post dedicated to you (Hopefully) as I want to move on and find my own happiness.
If along the way, by chance that we meet again I hope we will be able to chat like old times. I don't know how long it will take for me to move on but since I have made it official through my blog. . .