Friday, October 27, 2006

This is me on (or within a few days of) my first birthday, out on a walk with my mom and my pull-toy doggie (the only one they let me have until my eleventh birthday).

I am now 32. Several of you have blogged about the emotional weight of turning 30. I wasn't so worried about turning 30 -- I've always felt old for my time, so it felt right to finally be such a solid age as 30. The year I turned 30 I got my first driver's license, got married, and got tenure at my job. I felt accomplished.

For me, 32 is the real deadline, because my mom was 32 when I was born. In fact, she had just turned 32 a few weeks before, so I have long been unable to fulfill the assumption I always made that I would have children at the same age as my mother.

So, I'm not feeling so psyched about this birthday. Another year down the drain. Crap.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Poor Co actually hung up on her today. I don't know if I would dare to do that, myself.

First of all, every time she talks about our new nephew she needs to talk about his family resemblance to "our family." Which is starting to grate on both of us, since our own child (should we ever have one) will not look like "our family." I am not such a big fan of my looks that I really care so much about passing them on, and I am dying to have a baby that looks like Co. (And at least in theory I am going to have a biological child down the line.) I just think my mom could maybe say that less to us. (Admittedly, maybe there is not so much else to say about a creature that only eats, sleeps, craps, and pees.)

Second of all, whenever the subject of TTC comes up, she brings up examples of heterosexual infertility. WE DON'T CARE. Of course, there exists het infertility, and we feel akin to you all out there, but honestly? That does not make our lives easier. That does not take away trigger shots in the belly, hoo ha bullets, ultrasounds every 20 minutes, and the pain of failure. Mom does not know about these things, but for all the bragging she does about all the lesbian parents she knows, it would not be so hard for her to find out.

So, I am feeling weary and cross and like you in the computer are the only people I ever want to talk to again. Bleh.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

As I mentioned (well, buried) in an earlier post, Co and I became aunties this week. My nephew S. was born October 15, 7 lbs, 13 oz. (I won't type his full name here, but for those of you familiar with the Bible...let's hope they never cut his hair.)

I have such mixed feelings about it all. I want to be a mommy, not an auntie. I am cross that I was "lapped" (Charlotte's term) by my younger sister. She announced her pregnancy a month or so after we had begun discussions with our first failed KD (and shortly after we had gotten the big "no"). In the space of a day or two, I had to cope with re-adjusting our conception plans, and with realizing that I would not be providing my parents the first granchild. To top it off, sis has continually been insensitive about how difficult and complex this experience is for us where it was easy for her.

But S. is a cute little guy, as you can see. In the picture above he reminds me *so* much of my sister as a baby and (to my relief) I'm feeling some affection. I'm actually looking forward to meeting him and holding him....of course, I am a huge sucker for an infant.

So I am settling, if uneasily, into aunthood.

(Alternatively, A could stand for a**....and I can't wait to kiss this little one below!!)

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Co has been gassy and nauseated. Is that good?? (Co is not counting chickens, because, she insists, she has been gassy and nauseated before and has never been pregnant.)

We are supposed to call Dr. Quick on the 23rd if she hasn't gotten her period (I assume for one of those mysterious betas). FF predicts her period a few days before that.

In other news, my sister had her baby today. If one more relative calls me and says "Hello, Auntie" I am going to pitch the phone across the room. Oh, boy. I'm a lesbian aunt. How unheard of. I am in no mood to be defined by my sister's fertility.

I don't feel like a very good person for not being more excited.

Our big news is that we pick up our "new-to-us" car on Tuesday night. It's a 2003 Saturn Ion, silver-blue. With both a CD player and a tape deck! (I honed right in on the important details.) I'll post pictures.

I might even post pictures of my nephew S (since my sister and her husband have a self-aggrandizing website where they plan to post his visage all over the Internet, I don't see why I shouldn't. But I don't have any pix yet).

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The subject line is from a ridiculous advertising campaign NBC (I think) had one year when their regular schedule went into reruns. They were hoping to lure viewers to their reruns by saying, "If you haven't seen it, then it's new to you." True, but for those of us waiting for new episodes, it's still a rerun.

On that note, the FamilyO is buying a new car. Well, not a new car, but it'll be new-to-us. I live in a city where few people have cars. The public transportation is awesome, so most people don't need one. But when I moved here, I already owned my car free and clear. And I needed it to drive home to visit my grandmother all the time, and she lived 1.5 hours away in a place with no public transportation. So, I kept my car. I figured if I got rid of it, I'd never buy a new one so I might as well use it up.

Well, my car is pretty well used up. But Lo and I, hoping to be a FamilyO of 3 some day, really do use the car. Lo can even drive now, having gotten her driver's license a year and a half ago (she'd never had one before). So, it's time to trade the car in and get a new-to-us car. A gently used car would be ideal.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

So, Co has decided to name our tries (reminiscent of Sacha), though we didn't name our fresh attempt. This one is "Blue Fish," both because Co was clad all in blue when we did it, right down to her shark socks; and because she made friends with a little blue fishie in the fertility clinic's big calming fish tank while we waited for *an hour* to get the deed done. The little blue fish kept swimming near Co and opening and closing its mouth in little "o"s (you know, like the little O we're trying to make) and had a cute fishie wiggle. So if this one works (everything crossed!!) the little one gets a blue fish stuffed animal.

The IUI itself was incredibly fast. Thank you, Dr. Quick. As Co indicated in her previous post, the speculum is never fun, but the cathether was tiny and virtually irrelevant in terms of pain. Dr. Q only had her lie down for 5 minutes afterward, though I've read elsewhere of people having to stay prone for up to 20 minutes. P the Lab Guy, a.k.a He Who Defrost and Washes Sperm, was very nice, and happily told us that there were 30 million of the little guys in our sample (which I believe was only .5ml).

It was all so quick, Lo didn't even have time to corner Dr. Quick with her millions of questions. I did ask him if this ever works the first time, to which he replied, "Of course." Oh, you optimistic RE, you! So here are some of my questions for you, oh blogosphere:1) Co had two large follicles, one on each ovary. Might the trigger shot have caused both to release? 2) Co found a statistic that, on average, one ovulates 41.5 hours after a trigger shot. Any commentary on that?

Friday, October 06, 2006

For water, I offer a picture of the beach that was our backyard for a week in the Virgin Islands (St. Croix) this summer. What a blissful honeymoon. Look at the color of that water...and it was warm as a bathtub.

A bonus water picture: a horse swimming at that same beach. I had never seen a swimming horse before. But I guess it's a good way for them to cool down in the sweltering summer.

And now for uncomfortable:

(Didn't think I could go that long without posting a picture of the first baby, did you?) The mommies think the reindeer antlers are just adorable, but as you can see, Maggie does not agree. In this picture she is using her paw to push me away while I held them in place. Every year we get a few quick pix before we put her out of her misery.

Alternatively, I could have posted a picture of Co's butt hormones. But we don't pick them up 'til tomorrow, and also, she would kill me.

Monday, October 02, 2006

(Actually, my congregation meets in a church, but my adventures in church are an entirely different post...)

I was asked this year to give one of the speeches asking people to donate money. (This is less offensive than it sounds because my congregation, unlike every other synagogue in this neighborhood and many other places, does not requires expensive tickets or temple membership to attend high holidays services; we do request donations.)

People usually talk about their journey to the congregation in these speeches, and I was specifically asked by the rabbi to focus on LBGT visibility. She, like me, is a lesbian in an interfaith relationship. Just one thing I like about this place!

So I was kinda nervous and uncomfortable about telling my little story -- and especially about asking for money! -- but people complimented me afterwards and it ended up being nice to speak about myself to my community.

I noted that I love the congregation because I feel comfortable as a lesbian, and my non-Jewish wife also feels comfortable. I did not mention that my non-Jewish wife was not with me this morning because she was busy getting her follicle measured. Hee hee. But she's coming with me this afternoon. I can't even begin to explain how much it means to me, how much I love Co for wanting to raise our children Jewish, and for joining me in my tradition.

I'm not the most observant or reverent Jew, I certainly am not supposed to be blogging in the break between services on the holiest day of the year...but being Jewish is an inextricable part of who I am, and I am so happy that I have found a congregation where I can be my whole complicated self. And where I will be happy to bring my (cross fingers hard) children.

Now, scroll down to give Co and I advice about complicated medical techniques for conceiving said children....