Sunday, June 27, 2010

it was a normal night,when everyone would do nothing but just talk crap.i felt a sense of sudden emptiness.it was as though i was sitting in a crowded room,surrounded by everyone i know and love,but inside..i'm empty.i laugh,i smile,i'm amused by them all but there was a tiny hollow space in my heart,which i do not know of its origins.then all out of a sudden... you appeared.

you stood out form the crowd.i did nothing but stare at you.waiting..and waiting..while all my friends got extremely excited.they started posting messages of encouragement,pushing me to say hi to him.pushing me to make a move.pushing me to not let him be alone.i was shy,i don't know why.it seemed better to talk to him without all these people around,no offence.i wrote a few posts to counter my friends.somehow...maybe he understood.he said hi to me and i was so delighted.but... he was different.he was less cheerful,not as joyful as he is during our thursday rendezvous.he told me how he's having sleepless nights.he told me about the emptiness he feels.he was getting a bit too personal at some points,so much so that i felt that he's trying to tell me something.at the same time,my friends were endlessly picking on me,asking me to not let this opportunity fade away.i thought it would've been selfish of me to take advantage,i knew he was somewhat down and needed someone to talk to.so i let my selfish needs go and decided to listen to him.i tried to help him,but i know my effort was to no avail.i diverted his attention instead,and talked about something happier.our conversation lasted for quite some time,despite the unfavourable internet connection.the IM window wasn't acting up,it was miraculous.our conversation broke off in the end when the both of us got sleepy.did i just talk him to sleep?am i really that boring? LOL.but it's good to know that he's alright after all.

what puzzles me the most is the fact that he still doesn't realize my feelings for him?or has he,pretending not to?so many uncertainties.jasper even complained that he was partly being ignored by 'him',assuming that 'he' was too busy talking to me.LOL! seriously,everyone mad eme blush today.in a way,Nizar is right.sooner or later,the truth will have to prevail.whether i like it or not.