Friday, March 27, 2009

How you kiss.......how you enjoy sharing or giving or accepting a kiss.....that pinpointed moment you feel the electricity of skin on skin, eyes closed as you enter another realm in darkness of touch and you abandon yourself to another person is one of the most beautiful moments you will ever experience in life.

A peck on the cheek won't do it, or a quick smack on the lips won't do it.

A kiss is like speaking an entirely different language altogether. It says so much in silence.

Not everyone can speak it but God Bless those who do.

Like the heated rush of a potent drug racing through your veins to a central destination that opens up another world or worlds upon worlds, another place, another realm, a beautifully executed kiss can open up cells of tingling cells in spirits of cells.......

Slow, languishing, lingering kisses, connecting souls .......like a gateway to an inner sanctum, a locked space of red and velvet and warmth and bliss.

As precious and rare as a black diamond, it should be treated with the gentle and delectable fragility that it deserves and handed out to only those who truly value its beauty and ecstasy.

A beautiful kiss is a rare, exotic thing and should be valued for the treasure that it is.

I value every single beautifully gifted and shared kiss that I have ever received like a rare piece of art.

A shiver.....skin tingling even at the memory.......it is the most private and intimate thing and yet beautiful and open thing you can express.

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:Its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness; but still will keep a bower quiet for us, and a sleep full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

You will never know what the total cost of your education was, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges.

Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother's life or the life you get to live with the just born.

You won't remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness.

Money has no memory. Experience has.

Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn't know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone.

Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full… sometimes even the pocket was empty.

There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn't enough and you still had reasons to smile.

Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone.

All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.

The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support…The first time she said 'yes' and it was two years since you proposed…The first cry… the first steps… the first word… the first kiss… all of your child…The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your daughter gave you…The first award… the first public appreciation… the first stage performance…And the list is endless…

Experiences, with timeless memory… No denying that anything that's material cost money, but the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience never.

So, what if it's economic recession?

Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple.

You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park.

It doesn't cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap.

Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive.

Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.

Time will pass… economy will revive… currency will soon be in current… and in all this, I don't want you to look back and realize you did nothing but stayed in gloom.

Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences…

If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Well, suffice to say that I probably had one of the worst days yesterday that I've experienced for a while. Do you ever have one of those days where everything you do/say/consider just turns to shite? No rhyme, no reason.......just crumbles to dried dog doo doo? Well, yesterday was my day.

It started with daylight really and went progressively downhill. Part of me wants to discuss it but part of me has started to bury the facts and discussing it would be an act of exhuming the dead on my part and maybe some things are left buried.

However, let me say this much. Yesterday was a prick of a day. Everything went pear-shaped on me......home, work, sky, sea - you name it, it was poohfaced. I held back tears all day at work when what I really wanted to do was throw myself up against the glass window and scream like a raving banshee. I wanted to vent, to have a meltdown, to throw a tanty hissy fit.......of course, it would have been a fairly career limiting move (CLM) but you don't think of those things when you're blue-printing your hissy fit (refer to Other Shaz, who was daring and poking and prodding me to do my best Linda Blair at work).

The finer details of what was pushing me to my edge is really not important because, truth be told, they still exist today. However, how I was internally reacting is more the point.

I bundled paranoia, hypersentivity, anger and a touch of bitterness into one evil cocktail that I didn't sip on - I knocked it back like a shot. Through those bloodshot cracked eyeglasses did I see the world for the rest of the day.

Today's port mortem leaves me in the emotional aftermath of feeling hurt, unloved, unwanted and all those silly girl feelings. Funnily enough, this doesn't have much to do with my husband despite sounding like it does.

It started at work, was perpetuated at work and then bled to the rest of my life - yesterday.

I took a bullet to my confidence and that unbalanced me to the point where I questionned my choices, my actions, my options, life, the universe etc.

Now the things that upset me yesterday are still there today but, with a little clarity and calmness, I'm feeling less nutso about it.

But yesterday, I came home after a long and tiring day............and I cried.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

You know I've never been one to obsess with my age - not sure why. It's not something that bears much importance to the choices I make or the way I lead my life. It's a number, people! It's just a number.... it's a chronological measure of how many rings I would have had around my trunk if I was a tree........

I mean really....think about this.....how is 21 years supposed to look or feel like? How old is 40 meant to feel like or be like? compared to what? When someone says "I feel old" - who decrees what old is meant to feel like.

I am 45 years old.

What does that mean? Does that mean I'm old so I should start behaving old and doing old things? Should I suddenly behave a certain way or feel a certain way? Should I start to slow down because that's what's decreed? Should I start listening to Perry Como on Sunday afternoons? Should I not feel alive and alert and youthful anymore?

I was at a 'do' lately when the topic of conversation turned to how old everyone looked. In my own little head, where most of my interesting conversations take place, Other Shaz and I laughed. "How old does she look?" Other Shaz said...."How old is she meant to look?" The topic bored me because it was inconsequential. I'm older than you and someone is older than me and then what......? *silence*..... Why this obsession about age? It's not like you can change it - you can change your appearance to look younger but you're still your age, aren't you? So who ya fooling then?

A compliment ......"Shaz, you don't look 45" so what does 45 look like, I wonder. I appreciate the intention of the compliment/sentiment but I would prefer someone to say that they've noticed how funnier I am getting or how my photos make them feel because I have control over that. I can increase my skillset and do better......but I cannot get any younger, folks. Surprise!!

I live every day like I feel and some days I feel energetic or bouncy or bubbly and other days I feel low and quiet and that's how I feel on that day. I don't ever think to myself "You can't/can do that because you're 45" or whatever age I've been. If I want to do it, I just do.

Isn't that what life is about?

I met a friend this week who is one day older than I am. She made mention that she is now old so she cut her hair short and implied that her life choices had changed. It made me wonder why.......who said you can or can't do anything at an age.

Sure.....I know what you're thinking....Mutton dressed up as lamb? It's not about the way I dress - although I still heed my cry that what dictates what I can or can't wear. Shouldn't it be a matter of wearing what suits me best?

Listening to the young 'uns at work worrying about turning 30.....eeeeeek....NOT 30?????? I'm a whole 15 years older and have filled each nook and cranny with stuff I wanted to do. I don't worry about age creeping up because each subsequent year is yet another opportunity to experience something new.......to feel, to be, to do.....not to stress and worry about what's left.

It's about what's yet to do.

It's like the eternal search for happiness - where do you find that, I wonder? I think it's in the same place where my attitude about my date of birth is.......somewhere where it just doesn't matter.

I think my closest friends are women who don't give a fat rat's about their age and we have the most fun because we just be and we just do. I wouldn't swap them for an extra 10 years because they're gold!

One rides her Harley beast and does road trips often on it - and she's a Mum - so what does that mean?

My Aunty is trekking South America right as I type and she is retirement age but you wouldn't know it because she is bursting with the dynamic energy of a woman who doesn't place any weight around her date of birth - inspirational!

One is beginning her PhD when most others are winding down, she is winding up......and bully for her! *click champagne glass*

Yet another is changing her career and is about to embark on a career that is mainly associated with vibrant young things and she IS a vibrant, young thing.....and she's in her early 40's.

I think your attitude governs the way you look and if you can keep your humour and maintain that glint in your eye and have fun with life, it shows. How old are you then, when you've fitted two lifetimes into one.......

Friday, March 6, 2009

It's been a few days since I've written anything but.....I've been out there *pointing out there* having a life and that's been really wonderful.

I've finally enrolled to do short potography courses and finished the portrait course, which was bluddy great. I'm starting the landscape course and if I really enjoy these, I think I might consider doing something more substantial.

I am still studying financial planning as well so God only knows where all this time is going to be found.

Me and a few friends also went to see Complexions Contemporary Ballet last night and that was a whole heap of goody goodness.

I've not been home a helluva lot this week and I have to say that the body isn't holding up quite the way it used to. I am tuckered out and am looking forward to a quiet night on the couch, watching footy with my son.