Be magician and create your own wellbeing and happiness

Flow of time: where does it take us?

by Inese, artist, writer and life sciences specialist on October 30, 2017

I arrived to Canada in 2004. I did not know what to expect, but I was very impressed by greatness of many things, and everything felt to me huge. I mean everything. Latvia where I came from is a small country, and, therefore, the endless wide roads, the high-rise buildings, the downtown Toronto with its busy streets and, especially, the size of any province was so different from what I was used to.

Well, time flew absurdly fast then, and I got married in October 30th of the same year. It’s very amazing that it is my daughter’s birthday on this day, too, which I hadn’t even realized when we made all arrangements. We stayed in Niagara Falls in a newlywed suite which had number 3010 on the door. Something else, or what?

Well, we got married in The Small Wedding Chapel in Niagara Falls. My family was in Latvia, so, my fiancé decided not to invite his family also, just to be fair to each other. Very tactful, I’d say. Therefore we headed out to Niagara Falls the day before wedding. The weather was mild and sunny during the day, although, it was the end of October. These pictures were taken by the numerous by-passers who all kept congratulating us, so, it felt wonderful actually.

I cannot believe it’s been 13 years. The flow of time is very different from what it was back then. The best part is that my daughter is 38 today and we celebrate the 13th wedding anniversary. So much fun together (over the internet because she is in Latvia).

Everything worked out quite well. My husband has proved himself to be the best, most loving and most honest person ever and he is still the same excellent man who I met back then. He has had a lot of patience and understanding in the situations when my health really gave up. When we are saying “…in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part” at the wedding, we rarely can be aware of what is ahead in reality. It has not been all that smooth, but, thankfully, we are managing everything.

We got married in Niagara Falls

Signing …

Happy me, well, we tried to take each others pictures first, and then the by-passers helped

This is us 13 years ago

While we are still very young we believe that nothing really changes as we get older, except it is a larger number. We assume we will have the same ideas and the same attitude, and the same capability when executing different things. That is so wrong! I just now have started to understand how my parents felt at older age, and I am very lucky to have my daughter as my best friend because my top energy levels matched time of her being young and very energetic and passionate.

We are a lot smarter. Life teaches us if we are willing to pay attention and to learn the lesson. We find out that some ideas were simply silly and that the world isn’t there to please us and make miraculously our wishes come true without any effort. We have learnt that lots of things require fighting for them and that path can take a lot of turns, too. It’s never as if going from point A to point B. There are always obstacles and problems, and all kinds of disturbances.

The most important things for a family are love, trust and respect. If any of these are missing, marriage is going to have cracks. The most important thing for an individual is the mental and physical health. While I have a lot of brain power, excellent memory and very strong willpower, the physical side is somewhat suffering. Well, I hope the future is friendly and has some better things for me and us.

Being an older white, legal immigrant in Canada is not quite the same as being a refugee. Refugees are treated very well here and receive extreme support. I haven’t received any smallest or tiniest support whatsoever. My only support has come from my husband so far, and I am happy and grateful for that. Other than that, my expectations did not come true: I wasn’t met too friendly wherever I turned to in Canada, and I haven’t made too many friends locally, as well. Realistically, I was already 46 when I relocated to Canada; so, it’s not the same as when one is 16 or even 26. I have turned from a very social person (I worked at publishing houses, high schools and colleges in Latvia, it was work with and among people) to a very isolated person. My lack of health has contributed to that also, a lot actually, but still, I did not expect such ignorance from the local community and people. It has been as if approaching some unbreakable brick wall: there is very little interest about what I do and offer. I suppose one has way better chances if they have classmates, schoolmates, University time friends, childhood friends and obviously relatives in the country they work and live.

Well, I have only my husband.

Cheers to our 13 wonderful years together! I want to thank my husband and God for this great time and I certainly believe that the best times are still ahead of us.

P. S. I have to apologize to fellow bloggers for their kind and numerous comments and likes to previous posts, as well, as thank you to all who keep following my art site https://inesepogagallery.com/ I will approve everything and I will return all likes as soon as get a bit better and all my stuff is sorted out. That won’t be today because it is our wedding anniversary. Thanks to everybody!

Congratulations to both of you, Inese 😀
It is not easy to relocate to another country, I will agree so much with you. In the first years here in Spain, I moved several times by different reasons, but necessary moves and to different areas. This is not the way to find friends either. Now I have been in this area for 3 years in 3 different houses, but in same area. Now people greet, when we meet but not much more. Few wish to talk a little, which for me was difficult until short time ago, because of my poor Spanish. Not many here do speak anything else than Spanish and their local dialect. I don’t work either, so I don’t meet new people this way. Tried one school, but with little success. So I’m also out for ideas, how to find more local friends.
Wish you a beautiful day.

Thank you, Irene!
No, it isn’t easy at all. I mean, I arrived with just one suitcase and that was easy because I didn’t even think I’d stay.
Well, I have moved around here, too, 6 times to be exact. I have been in the current location for 7 years which is the longest time. Very few people know me here, like really few, and also nevertheless, the open sign is on and so on, extremely rarely somebody would walk in. It is very different from Europe, I find there was much more interest in anything artistic and also crafting and that type of things.
I know, you start to feel somehow strange because we have become strangers in our native place, but we are also strangers in the place where we emigrated to.
I never thought about that before making the move since the relocation happened really fast.
It’s not that I regret anything, but I wish the attitude towards somebody was somewhat more welcoming or warmer.
I’d need a lot of money to get my academic degrees recognized and applicable so that I could teach at some college or University or similar things, so, yes, I feel pretty much out of place and the worst part is getting older rapidly. It seems I was just 45 yesterday and I am almost 60 already.
I could call this situation anything, but easy.
The toughest part actually falls on my husband who is the only person making some money.

It sounds like tough to go on there, but you have a good husband, Inese.
I have thought about joining groups with similar interests, this do often help. For now I will start up with yoga again and I hope to meet new people there too.

While I am saying I do not feel appreciated, I am actually always short of time.
My injuries wouldn’t allow nothing physical, not even yoga, I can only walk sometimes, but I have to careful not to try running or using joints too much, no sporting or similar activities.
I have an art place here, it is open all the time, and it’s surprising how few people ever walk in. I mean, I did similar classes in Europe and they were always crowded.
We have here some groups, too, probably wouldn’t be too difficult to join, but it very often involves food and booze and I don’t want to do either one.
Yoga will be helpful to you, no doubt.
I would be actually interested in some king of different relationship, like student-teacher is fine. I just need more students this year, that’s all.
I love also reading lectures about different subjects, they were always well attended, but I don’t think that will work here at the moment.
Thanks!

Congratulation, Inese.
You spoke for many. I can related to most part. (I need more time to think through what you wrote here. I mean your post makes me think.) I am happy that we have many blogger friends 😉
Take care. .

Thanks Helen!
I sometimes also think that blogging is the only way to stay in touch with great people.
Otherwise, life is so busy for most people, there is no time to stop by and ask whether they are fine or not.
Somebody once asked me if I’m going to celebrate my birthday. Well, husband congratulates and gives a gift. That’s it. I pretty much go out rarely because of lots of pain and difficult walking. There are rare places where I can get on foot, but other than that: it is just classes and these blogs.
Thanks again!

Well, lonely is probably not what I was trying to say. Most of work I do requires being alone: medical writing, writing, translations, art: I don’t answer the phone or something when I work and I don’t interrupt myself with going to some meeting. When one starts at older age from scratch again and that happens in a place where everything is quite unfamiliar, it feels like all achievements from the previous part of life are lost. This means losing the feeling of having some importance socially and publicly, and that reflects on financial situation very rapidly, too. Basically, there are thousands of things that local people are aware of from their early childhood, but a newcomer will never even know about; this feels being almost like in an empty space where I collect the tiny useful knowledge crumbs to build up my social confidence again, so on. It is the feeling of not being able to fit in some niche, it is very hard to find usefulness. I cannot help, I am such a person who always needs to work. However, if I work like insane for a decade and this work hasn’t resulted in any appreciation or recognition, or feeling of usefulness, it eventually starts to feel as a personal loss and waste of time. I never thought so, but I miss the academic settings and people in such circles, too. Basically, this relocation required to start on a blank page again, and I’m not that sure whether I was ready to do the same what I was able to do when I was young, in my 20-30s. For me it is extremely important to find echo of my theories and philosophy working. I don’t feel that here. When I am saying I do not have much social engagement and relationships, I do not mean that I have exploited everything. I mean also that I tried and quite frequently I found that that wasn’t suitable for me. I am European, Latvian, and I find it difficult to fit in. The main values are actually not the same. I feel that many things here are actually driven by greed. Idealistic personality like me suffers under the pressure to do anything for money because, well, I cannot perform any of my projects without it. That is a painful dilemma, and I’m not quite done with it.

Happy Wedding Anniversary, Inese! I can relate to your feelings of isolation due to your health problems as I have been plagued by chronic fatigue since 1993. I cannot socialise as healthy people do, and they don’t have much time for me. Travelling is out of question. I need to lie down during the day. Blogging and Facebook keep me in touch with the world. I suppose one needs to accept reality and make the most of what one is still capable of doing.

Thanks so much, Irina! Yes, there is no doubt that health issues can hold one back a lot. You just actually reminded me that maybe my problem is in the fact that I am trying to do everything as I used to when I was not having this abnormal fatigue mostly caused by medications. Realistically, yes, I cannot accept the fact that I am able to do less than I used. I go every year to see my mom in Latvia, but, as you are saying, traveling itself isn’t easy: my medications take so much space that I sometimes have hardly any space for something else. I am also on a very strict meal and rest schedule. That is true. It takes time and exhausts. Well, I am a fighter. I always have been. I just posted yesterday a comment to somebody’s blog that talks about diseases and illnesses: I do not want to write about that and I actually do not want to be concerned with that also. I am trying not to allow anything as illness to determine me. Life is short, and there are plenty of other things to do.
I am happy I have found you on Facebook, and there are quite a lot of other fellow bloggers and Facebook friends. Well, if somebody believes that they will be exactly the same at age 60 as they were at 20, they are heavily mistaken. It’s not only health or issues, it’s the experience and knowledge one has gained over years. So, this experience does not allow wasting time. Therefore, I am getting back to painting, hence, that definitely makes me happy.

You’re right, Inese, no more wasting time, that’s my motto too, and that is why I do not write any posts about my chronic fatigue, I just want to forget it. It’s wonderful that you can travel to Latvia every year to see your mother, even if it’s not an easy trip for you. My parents joined my family in Sydney, so that was a great blessing. They looked after my children when I went to work, and I looked after them in their old age. My fatigue is more in the brain than in the body. I suffered a few burnouts for various reasons and became super sensitive to noise, smell and even red colour! I’m much better now than when I couldn’t get out of the house and couldn’t read more than a paragraph. But even today I must be careful to not overdo it. And I run far away from perfumed people! When my brain gets tired, I need to lie down instantly. It takes me ten to twenty minutes to recover. It happened to me twice in the street, luckily there was soft grass along the sidewalk, and my husband was with me. Needless to mention that I’ve seen many doctors and a psychologist, and each of them offered what they knew. I was getting better, but there was still that constant fog in the brain until a new doctor suggested I try a gluten-free diet, which I did according to his instructions and within a week my head was clear, all the fog gone! That was in 2007. I was born again, resumed driving (I didn’t drive for 6 years), and in 2011 joined Facebook and soon after WordPress. So here I am connecting with the world without the hassle of travelling with suitcases, meeting interesting people like yourself. I enjoy your posts and looking at your artwork. I do wish you all the best, Inese. Cheers 😊 Irina

Thanks, Irina, for your very interesting comment.
We are all so different. Thankfully, my brain works exclusively well, and I am very aware that is due to drawing, art and the fact that I have to learn every single day because some medical works take weeks or months with typing some 20 pages a day at times. That means absurd amount of research. I can compare the data and I can certainly say that we could get everybody to draw and paint to keep the brain very fit. I mean with that not copying photos and striving for the result, but involving every sense like in life drawing or sketching from reality regardless of how good or not good the result is.
I can relate to sensitivity, too, I stopped using oil paints because they were causing major issues, including physical.
We are all very different: you had fatigue which was caused by some brain chemical interactions, my fatigue is due to medications which I have to take for almost 4 years now. It is and was a very bad treatment.
Working as a medical writer for more than 35 years and having written so many instructions for doctors and operators of medical devices I can definitely advise some doctors. I do feel I am very good with diagnosing things. That comes from understanding how the body and each cell within it works. I am paying the most attention to how our brain works, and I would definitely perform and carry out a clinical trial on how daily drawing will keep the brain going and even return it it to a good condition after being damaged assuming I’d have a sponsor to cover facilities, research personnel and documentation specialists. Well, that’s what I cannot have right now, so I am going ahead on my own.
You have definitely achieved progress. I don’t know whether that is really because of gluten-free food because technically only people with celiac disease or gluten sensitivity would benefit from that. Other people just need to stick to more natural things. I simply mean that gluten-free means more chemicals and losing a lot of natural group B vitamins. Artificial vitamins B have shown in a large clinical trial to cause cancers. Any artificial vitamins will cause problems because their formula isn’t the same what in the real things, therefore, they act differently. That’s just my point. I am avoiding as much as I can (Canada is really bad regarding food) anything chemical. Anything. That means I practically never eat out. That type of thing.
Ok, nurse is coming, I’have to go.

Hi Inese, Thank you for your very instructive comment. I apologise for my late response, but it all boils down to brain fatigue. I’ve been caught up in writing to get a manuscript ready for publication, my father’s WWI story. The last two nights I had very little sleep with thoughts swirling in my mind. Today I’ve given the manuscript to a friend to read and I feel quite relieved.
You are obviously very knowledgeable in matters of health and I thank you for sharing your knowledge. The benefits of drawing and painting were made known to me by my art teacher a few years ago. Unfortunately, I have no energy to attend classes, and at home there’s neither time nor place where I could do it. But I keep exercising my brain by learning foreign languages. At one stage, I practised writing with my left hand, which was fun. I go to a fitness class once a week, I think I should do more physical exercise. My diet is healthy, nothing artificial, lots of fruit and vegies, low-fat protein and of course gluten-free, which is easy as I’m not allergic to gluten, only sensitive.
I do hope your health improves, and that you can one day reduce the medications you’ve been taking for the last for years. It’s a blessing you can continue painting. Best wishes.

That sounds good. Well, you do not need art classes. We can do lots of things on our own. I can see how you are very busy. I regret I never wrote my dad’s stories about post WWII and how he survived Siberia. These were breathtaking stories, and he is gone now, and we were talking so often about writing down his remarkable memories.
It’s good you are taking care of that. Writing certainly takes a lot of time.
I am somebody who believes that we need natural fats. I do relate lack of fats in the brain to increase in mental health issues. Our brain needs fat, every single cell also needs carbs, so we cannot exclude any group of products. When I compare how people eat in Canada and how they eat in Latvia and what impact that has on health, I must admit all these products that are either free of something or have added a lot of something only cause trouble because they all destroy the natural metabolism. Artificial proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals do not have the same formula and they do not come in the same combinations as in real things, therefore, they are either absorbed only partially or they do not bind to the body’s substances they are supposed to. There is research about any vitamins and supplements causing reactions in the body, increasing cancer, birth defects and mental problems. I regret that such clinical results are not that much visible and they do not usually get noticed by general population. It is in the manufacturer’s best interest not to make these results very visible, hence, the supplement industry operates on assumptions, but there is no scientific proof for that. However, we have proof how carb-free, then fat-free and artificial food caused epidemic of obesity, cardio-vascular and brain disorders which was accompanied by epidemic in Alzheimer’s. Well, we could say that in countries which widely support replacement of natural substances with artificial ones, humans are participating in a huge experiment which has a very poor outcome so far. There never was and still isn’t any real evidence that taking artificial supplements in form of powders, liquids and pills made somebody healthier in a long term. There is evidence how GMOs cause aggressive behavior and mental break-downs.
I am glad to see that you are taking good care of yourself, and you are so lucky to have all year fresh vegetables and fruits. That must be fantastic!

Oh, Inese, I’m sorry to hear your father was in Siberia and that you haven’t recorded his stories. You could perhaps write down what you still remember. My father was in Latvia during WWI, serving as a volunteer in the Imperial Russian Army, was awarded 2 medals for bravery for assisting the casualties under fire. As a medical student, he worked for the Red Cross, didn’t carry a rifle.
I’m trying to take good care of myself. Those GMOs are a real worry.
Hope you have a good week ahead!

I feel sorry for that, too. I did not live with my parents since I was 17. I went to study to the University early because I made high school very quickly with all excellent grades. I was going home frequently at first, but then I got an apartment in Riga. When I returned to the town where my parents resided, it was briefly before I came to Canada. That left way less time to talk and to write down anything. Dad had his poems from Siberia written in some notebook, I don’t know where it is or what happened to it.
I also lost all my belongings while moving from Latvia to Canada, so, I have very little from my previous life. A few pictures. The worst is I lost the collection of rare books. I collected books all the time, I started at the first year at University, and there were so many in Latvian, in German and in Russian. We did not have available any books which were of big value in English. I can read even the old German script (alte Deutsche Schrift) and old Latvian script which was somewhat similar to the German one. That all is lost irreversibly.
So good for you, you have documents and probably pictures and memories written down. It is so valuable to record such memories. I was young when we were talking most, and I didn’t really have such an intention to write dad’s memoirs when I was 16.
I have quite a lot to do in order to make some gifts happen. I will wait until something is sold and then send something last minute to Latvia. Sending even cards is expensive, fees have increased so much.
Have a good week, too!

Oh I can’t believe how time flies. I read this a few days ago and I read it again now. It’s really sad you have lost so many of your precious memories. The notebook with your father’s poems might still be found…
You’re right, when I was 16, I wasn’t interested in my father’s life story, it only happened here in Australia when he was in his eighties that we got him to tell us more about his life, mainly how he lived through the two world wars. Yes, I do have pictures and documents and even friends in the UK and in Australia whose relatives, like my father, were POWs in Germany. One of them recognised her uncle in the photo I posted here, and from her I learned so much more about life in the camp and about my dad because her uncle kept a diary. My dad kept a diary during the Long March to Freedom in the winter of 1945, but I can’t find it anywhere!
Won’t bore you any more…
Best wishes!

Thanks, Irina! I didn’t have internet for a while. Construction workers had accidentally cut off cables.
Well, I don’t think I could find anything what was lost in Latvia because these houses do not even exist any more, not to mention that I have been here in Canada for almost 14 years now. I arrived to Canada with one suitcase. All my paintings, everything else are created here because things what I had up to age 46 are gone, long time ago. I couldn’t go back for about 2 years initially because I had to wait for resident’s status, so during that time my belongings got lost, that was already before 2006. I do have a good memory and I can still remember a few dad’s poems, but he certainly had a lot of notes and poems. My mom has some picture albums, but she also had to move and therefore much of my art and also my writing, published texts, etc., cannot be found. So, I started fresh from zero at age 46.
It’s not boring. It is very interesting, I definitely wish I had paid more attention to this stuff. You can be very proud you have still valuable photos and documents. There wouldn’t be many who were with dad in Siberia alive. Only one from each 1000 returned home to Latvia. Famine, diseases, hard work, no food, no medications, they were together in camps with criminals, so one had to be strong to survive, physically strong. Dad survived thanks to a Russian family who practically had nothing but always gave him and his friend some potatoes and cabbage, sauerkraut to be more exact. That is why potatoes are my most favorite food. They always were. Dad was a good example of what a potato can do for somebody in harsh conditions. Actually, most Latvians really love potatoes. We do not eat them like in Americas.

Inese, I’m sorry to hear about so much loss in your life. Yet it is also great to read your memory is good and you still remember some of your dad’s poems. What you have written here is so sad and also very interesting on a personal level and historically. I hope one day you’ll write your memoir. And I do hope you have written down your dad’s poems you still remember.
Best wishes and Merry Christmas .

Thanks, Irina! Well, maybe that will happen some day. A lady just was at my gallery, and she said that it was insane what positive impact this gallery had made on her yesterday. I am really loaded with good energy, I believe so. I think I will have to implement that not only in paintings, but also in writing. Well, pain has nothing to do with the main aspects of my brain and my love towards real art and artistic things.
You are a very good and supportive friend! Thank you for the encouragement!

Hello Inese! Congratulations on the success of your gallery. And I’m glad to hear you intend to use your artistic skills in your writing. Encouragement is something we all need and it’s great we can offer it or get it here in cyberspace. 🙂

Thanks, Irina! It was nice, and I could send greeting cards to Latvia. I was in a total desperation because the other day I couldn’t even buy watercolor paper which I needed. I hope, that’s a good start and hopefully, I will sell something more. There is so much. Thanks also for supporting me on Facebook, that is really useful. They moved the appointment with surgeon to Wednesday, then I will find out when I have the surgery, etc. It’s definitely worth blogging because of all great people here. Have a wonderful week ahead!

Surgery? I wish you the best outcome and a speedy recovery.
I had to cut back my Facebook presence to have time for other things under the sun, especially now at Christmas. 🙂
Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Happy anniversary, you two make a beautiful couple.I have never been a social person because I was very shy, but now at the age of 69 I am enjoying being around people and attending more activities.But at the same time, I enjoy being by myself.

Thank you so much! It’s wonderful that you are enjoying company!
Well, I would love here and there, too. It’s just so that quite frequently I cannot get anywhere and not that many people drop in here.
I again love saying speeches and talking to crowds and things like that, so I miss that a bit while I am in Canada.

Happy Anniversary! ❤
Who knows, may be it is for the better that you two live a rather isolated life. And I cannot disagree with you about the fact that legal white emigrants are unwanted and frowned at 🙂 But look, it is not the end of the world 🙂 Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year!

Well, right now at Christmas, there were like 30 people at the table, all the closest family, and I certainly miss that. Also, nobody ever would drop here in just so, just to check up on you. It’s always some big arrangements. Talking about white legal immigrants, nobody ever offered advice or help. Not one tiny bit. That’s not the end of the world. I hate having no job an d no income with all my Master’s degrees, skills and knowledge. I’m seeing every day people who are much less educated, who have not even close to experience I have, and they are holding excellent positions, etc. That is discrimination. Latvians are a very tiny community. It is so that nobody ever has tried to support even if verbally a Latvian. Nobody. They pretend I do not exist.
Thanks for wishes! I need to go to Latvia to fix health issues, they just damaged me completely within 5 years, no improvement there so far.
Thanks, happy New Year!

Well, there’s some people who like to say there are fundamental differences between Canada, and the USA, as for your personal experience, and my experience of 31 years as an immigrant in the USA, seems there is none, and if they are, doesn’t look in your case, or mine, that matter much personally to both of us.
In the USA most people claim all sort of pride to be a nation who was made up by immigrants, but in fact people in general see you like: “Oh, one of those foreigners who come here to take advantage of the land of milk, and honey, almost paradise on Earth, according to them, proud of their accomplishments, but with little sympathy for your problems, and condition, who clearly need help in navigating, in a society not familiar with.
If I could have a dollar for every time someone asked me about my accent, and their lack of interest after I told them where I come from!🙄
And how many times at work, despite my efficiency, and knowledge, I was passed up for a promotion going to someone else, far behind me in skills, and productivity.
So much for the myth of a land of opportunity, and equality, who you are, having being part of of the boys, or girls since early age, at school, and the community you grew up, counts up a lot to determine your assimilation, and success into belonging to a community, period.
Being white helps, but not that much if people can tell you are not a local.
As usual your social standing, will be enhanced by the amount of money you posses, immigrants have a harder task in climbing that ladder. since they would lack the roots, and the support of belonging to the community that your birthright gives, like in everything they may be exceptions to the rule, but that is what it’s exceptions.

Thanks! That’s exactly it: the question where are you from is the one that totally annoys me. To the extent that I stopped answering it. Like you are saying, nobody even listens or knows where that place is, nor are they interested in my answer.
I don’t think being white is an advantage in Canada. I at least have received no help, no advice, no interest from anybody here. It feels almost I do not exist. As a lecturer, teacher and somebody who always worked with lots of people, I feel very much forgotten here. I did not imagine life here as it is. Inequality is insane, in Europe you somehow don’t feel it that much. I start to believe that Europe is more democratic.
It is so that I do not know too much about local habits and life styles. Pub isn’t a lifestyle, neither is a concert or show. Locals have their own way of communication. I went with so much hope to first artist shows and meetings and I actually felt so ignored that I just stopped that. I am not used to persistently insist on somebody accepting me if they do not. It might be age, too, I am 60 this summer.
I am suffering from the bad food, I would say abnormally.
I do believe, yes, money would open any doors and give access to any circle.
It is a strange moment in my life, and while my husband is an extraordinary great person, he is very similar to European person, direct, honest, understanding, helpful, I have lost the feeling of being useful here. Back there I just walk down the street and somebody would always recognize me after 30 and even 40 years and say “Hello, teacher!”People who already have their grandchildren, say this hello teacher so nicely that it immediately makes me feel better.
It might be even worse for you in the States.
We were traveling there and people who we met (these were no celebrities or rich people) were very kind and nice, telling jokes and having great sense of humor. I have a few friends in Chicago, and that was great, too. I loved NY, too. Local Canadian women are somewhat not in fashion or so, but I loved how every woman looked great in NY.
I wish more people turned to reality without putting honey on everything.
Thanks so much for your comment!

Well, there’s so much trouble being someone who immigrated, my advice would be do not do it, if you do not have to, I left my country a little too late in life, I was already 33, and at first I was full of hopes, and false ideas of how things worked in the USA.
There’s no point to give you a long story, bottom line you got to start from zero, with no help or recognition of your knowledge, and skills.
Going back to school sometimes it’s not even an option, since you got to work for subsisting, and it’s also expensive, not that it cannot be done, but requires a lot of effort, time, and sacrifices, and the willingness to endure it, at an age you are not spring chicken anymore, and your energy levels are dwindling.
I kind of smile at your annoyance when asked repeatedly where are you from?
By every Harry, Dick, or Tom you met!
And little they care for it, just their curiosity!
But I didn’t know, what upset me more, like people insisting of learning my name, and asking me how to pronounce it, and spelling it, over, and over again, so the next time around they had forgotten, and repeat the same conversation all over again, just to walk away, and repeat it next time around!🙄😒😠
In a country where if you have a name with three syllables you are condemn to be know for life by a nickname, or reduce to one, like Robert, Bob, Thomas, Tom, etc.
Just to give you an example, my latest boss, a woman, very nice person, but a little bit of a dimwit, for the fifteen years I worked there insisted me in calling me by my name, and not me, since I had given up to try to correct her, but other people at work would correct her over, and over again, and she never could get it right!🙄😒😳😀😲
And she was not the only person who would do that unfortunately, the worst was when in official business, they will tell me to go and take a seat, and wait for somebody to call my name!😩😒😲
I will seat in fear of missing my call, by someone changing my name to something unrecognizable to my ears!😀🤣
I hope you may get a good laugh at this one, Inese!

Thanks! I did. It really sounds funny. I recognize the feeling so well: you are told to take a seat and wait for your name to be called. Yes, it can be anything. I have heard at least 20 variations, although my name and last name are both short, but they never got it right. I do not take it personally, I’m used to this, and it is still funny.
I would say the same: do not go to another country if there is no specific need. You at least did that intentionally, but I just came for a vacation (which I did not pay for, I couldn’t) and got married, although I decided after living for some 5 years alone not to ever get married again. I was already 46. I looked much younger, and I hope I still do. Well, I’ve always been very tall and slim. Anyway, I was new here at the age when everybody normal person has settled down, has nice circle of family and friends surrounding them. Everything happened so fast. On the other hand, all changes in my life have always been to the best, even though, I would not want to admit or recognize that.
The thing I really did not think about is what you’re saying: you start from zero. You leave behind any recognition or success you have achieved previously. I did not feel that right away, I have a very good habit keeping me overloaded with work. It seems you do, too. I think people who are very well educated and have huge knowledge still do not get lost to the point when they’d go in drugs or alcohol or similar rescue things. At some point I do regret that I have to use English which I still can master less than my native Latvian language. Native is native. I mean, the meanings and new words one can create in their native language do not compare with any third or second language. I do speak and write and understand also German and Russian. I am using these languages since I was 8 (Russian because it was mandatory) and 12 (German) because I wanted to read Rilke’s poems in original. I did translate Rilke’s poems in Latvian later, I loved Goethe, and I thought my loneliness (that was however more 40 years ago) was very similar to his spiritual isolation.
Well, it has been huge honor to meet you online and I am totally thrilled about these fantastic conversations and exchange of thoughts. It is so that only my husband shares these ideas here in Canada and I rarely can find soulmates in the Western audience. It’s not that I feel a complete stranger, but there has been very little love.
I think it is the perception of truth. I can take it with any hurt feelings. I believe anybody could if they would not assume that every single person who thinks differently wants to offend somebody.
Thank you so much for these extremely insightful comments. I had laugh reading the previous comment. I believe I will sleep very well.
Take care and it has been a genuine pleasure!

To add to your amusement, and knowledge, after coming back to my country I encounter the irony, that people with only two, or three years of college studies, because great union benefits they got generous pensions, almost three, and in some cases, four times bigger than the one I got in the USA!

And that my college companions, are all mostly already retired living with reasonable pensions, not as high, as the one favored by the unions, but living comfortably, and owning a decent house already paid, and bought twenty years ago for less than thirty thousand dollars, nothing as fancy as the half million dollar, or more house, that people in California pay mortgage for life, and I could never afford.
Now the Real state market it’s really high here, as well, compared with twenty years ago, and totally out of reach for my modest pension.

A woman friend here, said to me:
“Over thirty years in the USA, and you got no money to buy a house here?”

My only response was, that I wasn’t picking up money with a shovel!

One reason more why Emigration may not pay, at least in economical terms.

As you say, I wouldn’t change my life either, the experience I got is part of who I am, and if I didn’t grew economically I thrived in other aspects.

Love Goethe, and Rilke as well, have their full works, but in Spanish, excellent, beautiful editions, leather bound, bible paper, and decorated edges, that to my knowledge only in Spain did, years ago, during the 40’s. 50,s, and 60’s, and do no more, as too expensive I figure, although they still exist editorials who do great books, now too expensive for me to collect.
Here there is a similar picture of my books.

Sorry, I was meeting the deadline, so, there was no time to respond.
I couldn’t agree more: immigrating at older age isn’t good, and financially it might be a real disaster. In my case, it is. What can I say, I simply didn’t manage to adjust fast enough. Well, I was almost 50 when I arrived. All the permits and citizenship applications later, everything took very long time. After spending 14 years here, I don’t think that life is anyhow better on this side of the ocean. All the basics and the stuff one really needs: health care, food and roof over the head are extremely bad. Food is the worst, I’d say. Everything unnatural and something added and something taken off. I’m not surprised most people are sick here. Health care is free, but one pays for medications a lot, I mean, really a lot, and one doesn’t have a choice of seeing whatever specialist. It is painfully slow. All conditions that were acute become chronic during wait times. When people are complaining about health care in Latvia, I am telling them to check out this disaster. We have exemplary high class surgeries, unique test treatments, I just do not see how one gets that because so far I have seen only worse than average doctors, treatments like 50 years ago in Europe and some silly advice. With housing, it must be even worse than in the States. Toronto is just small bit below or 200K-500K above million. Very affordable prices, LOL. No, I cannot dream about having a house.
The first Rilke’s book I actually had to borrow. I was checking out all antiquity stores, everything, nothing became available. Once I got the first book, others followed. I had rarities, lots of them. They all disappeared after I moved here, just like lots of other things. I don’t really care, but I had some good paintings. I have nothing from my earlier paintings, only those that were sold or given as a gift I can see sometimes.
Yes, my strongest belief is do not emigrate, unless it is like really necessary. Part of us is always in the place where we were born. We become over time strangers in our native land, and stay strangers in the new country. It takes way more than to simply adjust to local traditions and the way of life. To some part I am against some of the local habits, I cannot accept the way people eat here, or celebrate things, it is very different. It is always so much food, sitting and talking about nothing.
I love discussing complex matters and do not take things personally when somebody does not accept my point of view. People here try never telling truth, even in small things. That drives me crazy.
Ok, I have still work to do. Very nice exchanging some thoughts.

Well, we took a chance and things didn’t work, at least for me, but as I mentioned, it was a life lesson, in many ways.
Do not like to boast, but now I feel as an experienced old man, ready to pour my knowledge on those who may ask for it. I am back home, and things have changed also here, and not for the best, of course that’s only my point of view, a famous Spanish poet Jorge Manrique wrote a poem centuries ago, after his father’s death said:

About your lost books, a little bit of advice, I left my parents home at seventeen, never to come back for good, just visited, and at that seldom, so may father nice collection of books went to one of my brothers, he possessed many titles, and old books, that I felt their loss was irreplaceable, until a few years ago the idea crossed my mind to look for them online, you would be surprised, of how many a fine book I got back, and more!
Check for those books in Germany, and Latvia.

That’s amazing. Well, I believe we should become wiser over time. I agree that one collects a lot of knowledge. Is the country of your origin Spain? One of teachers I worked together in a highschool is retired now, and she moved to Spain. She has a tiny house not far from some beach. The place is not far from the French border because she told it would take 30 minutes to get freshly baked goods for breakfast. I keep telling my husband that we should check out Spain since he feels quite isolated in Latvia. They try, but not everybody speaks English.
If that is Spain I am envious.
My daughter takes a drive usually in the summer to the seasides of Spain. Yes, I told I was going to join them one year.
I regret I do not speak Spanish better. I don’t think I am going to study more languages, though. There is a moment when one wants to perfect what they have.
Your wisdom shines through every article you publish. I think you should compile sets of articles in a book maybe. It depends, sometimes all we want is to explore more in order to let others know how much more we have found.
I highly appreciate all the wonderful comments!

How in our wisdom
any time past
Always was better.
This is something we all experience at some point in our life.
Yes, it can feel that everything good was back some time. I have lost feeling of present, past and future. I suppose, I’m just in a process of creating creative surroundings that keep me alive.

Yes, focus on creating, and be the axis of your own life, rather than the circumstances, you are facing, like everything, they will change, with your life centered on the process of growing, and learning. 🙂

Growing and learning daily is an extremely useful achievement. I do always keep in mind how important a regular brain work is, and quite honestly, I think everybody should use their brain to the full extent.
I hope reading lots of your articles since they really outline this aspect.
I hope also I will get to posting more frequently. Next week is all doctors, after that I will have better understanding of my schedule.

No, I am about 4,354.2 Km. give, or take a few, Km. If you are 70 km East from Toronto.
Southwest from you.
Yes, Spain should be a great choice to move, if you could, very likely a lot of people there speak English because the British invasion of the Mediterranean coast.
But still it will not be Latvia, but you will be closer, and with longer summers, and better food, I hope. 🙂

I see. Well, it would be nice to go for a trip since my daughter always praises Spain. They will try to arrange my 60th birthday celebration in Latvia this year. I hope my health will be fixed up so far that I can enjoy it.
So, basically, I am so tired recently. I have written some 10 new articles and published none. Other people take March break. That is one more disadvantage of doing work as a freelancer: there are no real vacations and days off. I quite frequently get new jobs at the weekend. I can refuse, but sometimes when it is large volume, I would go for it. Large volume means some 50 pages in 4 days. I have done 100 pages in 4 days, too. After that, I feel sick for a week or so, II cannot look at or touch a computer. That’s why I disappear for month sometimes. Art classes also drain and take a lot of energy. Sometimes people believe that since they came to class they have to do nothing, and it will happen on its own.
Thanks for all wonderful comments!

Well, I hope you may have time to enjoy your trip to Latvia, and have an opportunity some day, to join your daughter in Spain, that sounds like fun to me.
Never being in Spain despite my desire for much of my life to travel there, however now in my old age set on my ways, find myself reluctant to start traveling, I am getting lazy to change environments, and I live my life mainly subjectively, through my imagination, in books, since I am now convinced the interior life it’s the true life, at least for me.
Knowing now my character, I realize the adage: ‘Character it’s destiny.’
Before retiring, a few years ago, thought that once retired I would travel a lot, somehow that dream lost its luster, returning to the quietness of my home, after a few hours out, it recharge my batteries, not to talk about how expensive it’s now day to travel, and the inconveniences associated with it.
I have a close friend who it’s the opposite, (An extroverted person, of course) traveling Worldwide, all year around, from here, to over there, his new project to be in Moscow, traveling all the way from Italy in a motorcycle!
And from there, who knows where, maybe Nepal, or the Trans-Siberian railway!
I am afraid, he may come here, and force me out of my cave, in his eternal wanderings!
I know, I know, it sounds like fun, but…too settled in my old ways, perhaps, to find that enticing. 🙂

Well, I have time, I just do not know when the surgery will be and how long it will take to get back on track. Seeing that Dr. on Tuesday. It’s so far away, I will be traveling back and force all day. I am at the East end, and that is at the West end. Some 120 km each direction. No pleasure.
Daughter goes on vacations to Spain, she lives in Latvia. Grandsons are 19 and 15 and they also live in Latvia. Mom is 87 and she is also there, yes, it would be great to have the 60th birthday there.
I know what you mean, I do not think it’s laziness. I recall myself traveling around the mountains in Canada. It was great, magnificent, etc., but after some while I realized all photos look pretty much the same. I do not like the running-through type of traveling. One lady told me they traveled all Europe from Sweden to Italy in 3 weeks. I asked: what did you see? Because I know that alone Italy or Germany, Or France, or any other country takes months to just look around. I like to go somewhere and settle down. Paint there, walk there, etc.
Moscow is wonderful, but St. Petersburg is much more a dessert to a cultural gourmet. I think that’s all interesting. I’ve been in many places, and, no, I cannot be on the road for a long time, too. I hate just having a quick look when I would like to stand there for hours.
If you can join on his travels, why not? However, comfort matters at some certain age a lot, and that’s something not that easy to give up.
Reading has always been I enjoy a lot. I read extremely fast. Old habit from University times. The amazing thing is that I remember it all. Even after 40 or 50 years, although run through 500 page books just over night and then went to school without sleeping properly.
I love only reading real books for pleasure. Internet is for research.
I beieve you are in reading, too.

Right, we are pretty much on the same line, do not like traveling, just for the sake of going somewhere else, traveling with a purpose it’s much better, and above all no rushing, from place, to place, my ideal way of traveling would be to find a place where you sort of have the time to discover the place, by living there for a while, unfortunately that doesn’t come cheap, or easy if you lack money, or time.
Also traveling, doesn’t spare you of paying your rent at home, and leave your regular duties unattended for a long period of time, you always can read something when your are traveling, but you got to carry your stuff around, and live with what you brought, or spend money on it, just to leave it there, unless you want to deal with the hassle of carrying around things.
Here is an anecdote for laughs; one of my exes. I met by chance, traveling, and help her carry her luggage, didn’t knew what she carried in her bags, they were so heavy!
At the time I was staying at another hotel, and she invited me to diner, for the help I had offered previously, my thought was she will invite me to a restaurant, to my surprise we had diner at her room, same food that she cook, a complete meal, salad, soup, main dish, and dessert. But finally figured out why her luggage was so heavy, she had an entire kitchen, with pots, and pans. small stove, and a sack full of spices, plus cleaning utensils!
Not my idea of fun for a relative short week trip, she took.

About my friend(s) I enjoy their company a lot, but find their extroverted ways, not just tiring, exhausting will be the word, once in a while we travel for a reunion maybe once a year, and spend a few days together, I can’t stay in bed after 6:00 AM, they are late to wake up, but like to go to bed real late at night, plus they binge on food, and once they are up, it’s a constant going here, and there, that honestly do not enjoy myself, the only good thing it’s they do not drink, and they are fun to talk with, however frankly, I do it more out of friendship, and at the end of the weekend I am ready to have a vacation by myself at home!
Just thinking of doing that, for weeks on end, no thanks! 🤔🤨🙄😀

Well, it might be difficult to find the right companions at times. That is really something: everything in bags for cooking. I found that difficult even when traveling on a car. That is funny.
Ideally, I want to take only minimum with me. Normally, I have too much, although I go for a month and 1 suitcase is limit. When I first arrived to Canada I had just 1 suitcase with me, too. So, I stayed. I went back just two years later once I had the permanent resident’s status and was free to leave and come back.
Honestly, I have moved so many times, countless, actually, that I do not get too attracted to things. I find moving good because one leaves everything unnecessary behind. Traveling on a plane we can see how little we actually need. I imagine it would be difficult to move now with thousands of paintings which I painted just during the last 10 years.
I mean, traveling is fine, but the moment one returns to the comfort of home is also wonderful. I use to say that there 2 good moments about traveling: finally on the road and arriving back home. That stuff in the middle can be fun or not that much, but I could never travel all the time as some people have to do because of their job.
So, you are the early bird. I am not, I never was. I used to live very close to my high school, but I was either late or the last one for the first lesson. I love reading, painting, thinking and planning at night. My brain is very sleepy in the morning, but works very well at night. It must be straight the opposite with you then. I think my entire family is night owls, or maybe that’s just the way we love it.
When my work started at 8, I was giving German lessons to students almost my own age while I was still studying at University. Groups were large, some 30-35 students. It was tough. I would be completely awake after lunch. I never eat breakfast also. I never did, not even as a kid, I just don’t want it. I explored this stuff, and basically, there are lots of people who need to earn the breakfast and then there the other who cannot move unless they have breakfast. So, we are all different, and that is good because otherwise nobody would ever get married, right?
Ok, I have still some things to do.
Very nice talking to you! Have a good week ahead!

Well, not that different, actually I go to sleep a little after midnight when the book sleep from my hand in bed, just cannot sleep long hours, regardless if I went to sleep later than that, six, or five hours it’s the more I can handle, but I know that if I stay late, I will pay the price next day, because my long time habit of waking up before sunrise, although, now that I am retired can afford a nap, usually half hour, when I need it badly, during the afternoon, but for example of lately last time I took a nap, maybe was ten days ago. When I moved over here, it was like everyday for over a month!
Moving it’s something I do not look forward, even if my possessions are mainly books, and clothes, with few kitchen stuff. wherever I go, I just get a bed, a table, and a few chairs, of course it was different when I lived with my three exes. I have moved too many times in my life, I cannot even count them, let say, for saying something, near to forty times!
But this is my first move since 2001, all others where prior to that date, I guess I have become more stable, and not prone to move at the drop of a hat, learnt the old saying: ‘A rolling stone does not create moss’ the Japanese consider the ultimate kind of beauty stones, and logs covered with moss, and they use the saying with a meaning, contrary to us!
A big breakfast was my favorite meal of the day, but living for over thirty years in the USA, that went the way of the Dodo, now it’s just coffee, or tea, and a toast, or a cookie, and have some fruit, and cheese, for lunch, and an early small diner, around 4, or 5 PM
I have become very Spartan on my eating habits, for the last years of my life, however people praise the taste of my food all the time.

Well, marriage it’s something we all should consider very carefully, since it’s a very serious business, not fun, or just for having someone not to be alone, do not believe in ideal partners, or twin souls, just some better, than other ones!
I had some girlfriends, since my last serious relationship that ended 22 years ago, but I have lived by myself since then, it’s hard for me to spend too much time taking care of someone else business, it demands so much of you..!
I enjoy my peace, and solitude, of course one dreams, of an ideal woman, or husband, but that’s what it is dreams!
‘Cada cabeza es un mundo.’ (Each mind is a world unto itself.)
And then, there’s marriage, the Worlds collision!
In plain English I got no illusions, anyway you see it, requires a lot of work to make a marriage work, period.
The question it’s worthy to go through all that trouble?
Cada uno habla de la feria según le va en ella.(Fernando de Rojas, La Celestina IV 166) 1499.
‘Everyone speaks of the town fair, as he won, or lost, in it.’

Reading books? As far as I am concerned, there’s hardly anything that interest me as much, and a day without reading it’s a wasted day for me, I buy more books than I can read, and that is sad for me, I used to read at work when things where slow, and I preferred not to drive to work, but take the bus, in order for me to read during my commute, to, and back from work, that took about 3 hours of my day.
I got about thirty books going right now, switch from one, to the other at will, and come back later.
Best regard to you Ines. 🙂

Interesting. I simply have to eat 3 times a day because of injections, otherwise I can survive with 2 meals and lots of coffee. I have used huge amounts of coffee ever since I can recall myself. I previous life I was sometimes literally starving. 2 weeks without a decent meal isn’t a joke. When I arrived to Canada, I did not get all this talk about foods and all this sorting in healthy, unhealthy. At the same time, I’ve never ever seen so many sick people. They all do a lot for health and they end up being sicker and sicker. I have looked into this matter, just no time to publish my results of comparative food consumption habits.
Very late right now. I was dealing with doctors and appointments again and probably surgery is in May, so I have to prepare everything, after that I will have some tough weeks. Last time it was very tough 3 months.
I have a very good marriage, finally. Previous 2 spouses have passed away long time ago.
I love how husband shares all the same features. I definitely value people for their ability to be honest and reliable.
I used to read a lot. After so many years typing at computer, I have hard times reading. I mostly paint now and save my eyes for that. I still read, but not 500 pages a night. Eyes are not the same.
Ok, busy, busy and very exhausted.
Thanks!

Well hope your health will improve, and I am happy you got a good husband.
When I said I love to read, yes I do, but wish I could have the time to read 500 pages, not so, with so many things to take care, but if I can get 50 pages on three, or four books each, I am happy, specially since some of the books I read mainly deal with complicated issues, that require deep thinking, and consultations into other books, or online searches, I also like to read literature, but I am afraid cannot indulge myself too much on them, as I used to do in my younger days, feel guilty when I spend too much time on a novel, or light reading subjects, and neglect my studies.
Last week, I was invited to talk to a very small audience, and they were so pleased with it, that I was informed today, that God willing on April 16, I gone start a circle of studies, once a week, in the evenings, to teach, and introduce a few people in to books. on interesting subjects, most people tend to read shallow popular versions about a subject, neglecting the more serious, and scholastic works, got no high hopes, since I know it’s hard for most people, for lack of time, or interest to add more hours to a new activity, that will require effort, and commitment, but will see if I can keep their enthusiasm going, as I did last week.

Good for you! I hope that turns out nice. Educating people is very important. It is a paradox: so much information all around, so much free knowledge, and so little understanding and just simple use of common sense. I’d need to urgently publish something. I will try later or tomorrow.

We should see, I will do my best.
Take it easy, on non important things, do not set datelines, just provokes more anxiety, and added stress into your busy life, but I know the feeling, so even my advice, take it with a grain of salt. 🙂