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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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Tale Gate

December 26, 2008

Friends don't let friends give Mike Brown $7 for a beer (or $70 for 10 beers.) For this reason, your friends at WDR have teamed up with Blackfinn to bring you our End of the Season Party
this Sunday, December 28th from 12pm-5pm, during the final game of the
Bengals season. Roughly 0% of the proceeds will go to Mike Brown.

There will be no cover for all the heroes who donated their
tickets to the Chiefs game to Lighthouse Youth Services. For everyone else, we are
asking for a $5 donation that will go towards future WDR Project Mayhem
Tasks. BlackFinn will be offering $1 Miller Lite pints, $4 pitchers and
FREE food throughout the game. We will also be giving away free WDR
t-shirts at the end of each quarter (but you might have to do a push-up or two to win them.)

Long story short, if you were planning on going to the game, you should come here instead. The ticket is already a sunk cost. If you were planning on tailgating but had no plans for gametime, make your way up to Blackfinn. If you were planning on having a get together in your mancave, bring it on down to Blackfinn and raise your glass to the Revolution.

So we hope to see all our fellow
WhoDeyRevolutionaries at BlackFinn this Sunday for some cheap beer,
free food and revolutionary discussions. And if this post was not enough to get you to Blackfinn on Sunday, hopefully this will.

While I regroup, I notice I don’t have that Christmas morning feeling as I have had the past few seasons on opening day of Tailgating Season and Bengal football in Cincinnati. Oh well, nothing a few Miller Lites can’t handle. I throw on my 1980’s “Someone in Cincinnati Loves Me” T-shirt as I refuse to wear a jersey this year. The only jersey I would rock this season would be a solid Boobie Clark jersey, but for some reason, they aren’t selling those in the pro-shop these days, but I digress.

As I head out down Vine Street, case of Miller Lite in Hand, I'm getting excited. I see a few fellow Douche Bags hastily sporting Rudi Johnson and Justin Smith jerseys. Apparently they didn’t feel like buying new gear this season either. The lucky few had Chris Henry jerseys on, noticeably relieved at Mike Brown’s impeccable decision making skills, and the fact they wouldn’t have to shell out 50 hard earned dollars for a new replica.

I approach the beautiful** Millenium Hotel and spot a couple of Titans fans emerge. They looked glorious. Exactly what I expected a Titans fan to look like. You know, that Nash-Trash look? Gone are the days of Nashville locals looking like ruggedly handsome country music stars. Instead, the vast majority of them have that new age “crystal meth chic” thing going on. Gaunt, pasty white, malnourished, with a penchant for oversized Vince Young jersey’s, drooping jorts (jean shorts) and a sideways Titan’s hat with the tags still on signaling the street cred only someone from Murfreesboro could possess. Top that off with an ill attempt at a mustache and a mysterious ghetto accent and you have the two clowns who I catch up to on 4th and Vine.

If it was any of the past opening days in Cincy, I would have started to run my mouth right there, with the security of hundreds of fellow Douche Bags in Who Dey shirts around me. But today is different. It’s 9:30 AM and only a scattering of D-Bags are visible on the streets. Not to mention, I really don’t have the room to run my mouth after last week’s debacle in Baltiless. The only insults I could mutter were about Vince Young’s “suicide attempt” and the drunken Kerry “Tom” Collins (I failed to mention that I tried to pick him up on waiver wires in my fantasy league. That would defeat my sad insults). They asked me for a beer and I just laughed… I showed them.