How to build self-confidence

What am I so afraid of?

I don’t know about you, but throughout my life I have struggled with being able to feel self-confident and self-assured. I find myself doubting my abilities and I have negative thoughts pop into my head that tell me I’ll probably fail. It can be very discouraging at times. One of my worst ‘fears’ (and one that I continue to struggle with) is that I’ll be judged negatively by others. Even just writing this blog post I wonder what others will think when they read it – will they like it? or maybe they will think it is stupid! I have to make a conscious effort to shift my thinking out of that negative space so that I can push through the fear and do what makes ME happy. By doing things that i find to be difficult or challenging, I’ve proven to myself that I am capable and I have good reason to feel confident in my abilities.

So, I believe that all of us could benefit from a little more confidence in our lives. Wouldn’t it be nice to feel more self-confident at work, at home, and even in your relationships?

A confident person that has high self-esteem:

takes responsibility for herself

trusts in herself and her abilities

faces her fears and expands boundaries

questions criticism

doesn’t blame others for her mistakes

Below I’ve listed 5 things you can start doing today that will help you feel better about yourself and find confidence in your amazing abilities!

1. Look at things you have already achieved

Many times, we look at what others are doing and compare it to what we are doing (or not doing). It can be easy to focus on what you haven’t done. If you feel like you haven’t achieved anything it can bring you down. Focusing on stuff you have done, no matter how big, can help you see all the things you have been able to accomplish.

Take a couple of minutes to write down a few things you’re proud of in your life. Think of the things you have achieved, whether it’s getting a good mark on a test or learning to drive a car. Don’t dismiss things just because they seem natural or easy to you. When you’re feeling like your confidence is low, take a look at your list to remind yourself of all the awesome things you’ve done.

2. Think of stuff you’re good at

We all have strengths and talents. Sometimes we don’t know what they are, or we don’t think of certain things as talents. Recognizing what you’re good at and trying to build on those things can be a really useful way of building confidence in your own abilities. Ask people close to you whom you trust to tell you what they see as some of your strengths.

3. Talk yourself up

I’m gonna bet that you are your own worse critic. Constantly telling yourself how awful you are won’t make you feel good or help you to get what you want. Pay attention to the negative thoughts that are putting you down and try to replace them with positive ones. Sometimes it helps to ask yourself how much truth or evidence there is to support the negative things you are telling yourself.

Just be kind to yourself! Try asking “would I say that to a friend?” If not, then you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself either!

4. Set goals

Setting and achieving goals is a great way to build up your confidence. Goals can be big or small, like taking a class or baking a cake. Achieving the goals you set for yourself will prove to your inner critic that you are capable.

5. Face your fears

We all get nervous and doubt our abilities. It’s important to face your fear and step outside of your comfort zone. Doing something that makes you uncomfortable, and realizing that you CAN do it, will build your confidence and improve your self esteem.

It may seem scary now, but after doing what you fear a few times you might think “what the heck was I so afraid of?”. You may even get a bit angry with yourself because you avoided doing it for so long.

Good luck, I know you can start to have more confidence in every area of your life!

Everyone feels sad or down from time to time, maybe due to stress or a particular situation. But when these feelings go on for longer than a couple of weeks and your daily life becomes affected, you may have depression.

You might feel like each day, each moment, is a struggle for you. It’s really difficult to do the regular things you are used to doing. But that doesn’t’ mean that you aren’t doing them. Even if you might laugh with a friend or do something you enjoy, deep down you are still fighting the monster that is depression.

So how do you know if you are depressed? I’m going to discuss a few symptoms that, when you have them together, might indicate that you have depression.

Feeling HopelessThe first symptom, and probably the most common, is feelings of hopelessness and/or constant pessimism. Feeling like you have no future and that things will never get better, no matter what you do. Feeling like you have no control over your life and that it doesn’t matter anyhow because these feelings just aren’t going away.

Loss of Interest in Things
The second symptom of depression is a loss of interest in daily activities. So maybe you used to enjoy a sport, reading or some other hobby. Now you have no interest in doing any of it. This includes sex.

Changes in Appetite and Sleep Patterns
Another sign to look for is changes in appetite and sleep patterns. A significant change in body weight that isn’t attributed to an existing eating disorder. Difficulty falling or staying asleep is quite common, as well as oversleeping – you might find it difficult to get the energy to get out of bed in the morning.

Loss of Energy
This leads me to the next symptom of depression – loss of energy. Yep. You feel fatigued and physically drained. This contributes to feeling like you just don’t want to do anything because it takes so much energy for even small tasks.

Suicidal Attempts or Suicidal Ideation
If you are having thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, you should seek help immediately. Call 911, a crisis line in your area or call or go to your local hospital.

Feelings of Anger or Irritability
You might be easily agitated with a short temper. Everything and everyone gets on your nerves and you have little patience for simple things. But no wonder! You’re having trouble sleeping, you aren’t finding pleasure in things, you feel hopeless, of course you are irritated!

This list consisted of 6 of the most common symptoms of depression. Remember, we are all individuals and depression manifests differently in each of us.

What should your next step be? If you feel you might be depressed, I want you to know that there is help out there. Depression is something that you can fight and you can get through. Please start by reaching out to your doctor and your therapist if you have one. Talking about it with a trusted friend or family member can help too.