Girlfriend Throws Tantrums

Asked by on 2018-05-8 with 1 answer:

Met a girl in church, about 1.5 years ago. Relationship mostly good, but – 4 times now – when she doesn’t have her kids for the weekend, and I want to have an alone night, she gets really angry and demanding. She takes her house key back, “breaks up”, then calls me two hours later crying wanting to know “why do you date me?…”. Very dramatic.

She wants to get married, but being older I am taking my time. When talking about marriage, she tells me “you’re the man” meaning I have all the 1950’s responsibilities, but none of the rights. But, she has none of the 1950’s responsibilities. All very one sided.

She wants me to take care of her financially, but she also wants to have no responsibilities of her own.

For the Psych. person reading this….she comes from small town GA blue collar family, got lucky and met and married a country club family guy, lost everything in divorce. Now she’s met me – I look like the country club guy, but I come from a very well educated, small town normal family.

I think we should be equal partners in marriage, she still wants the country club wife status.

Thanks for sending in your question. It actually sounds like you have a pretty good sense of what to do. You’ve only been dating a short time and as the relationship is going on you’ve seen and experienced more things that aren’t okay with you. She’s asking you to do something you don’t want to do, and don’t believe in. Don’t assume this is going to get better. She’s telling you very clearly where she is –and what she wants. You seemed equally clear in saying you don’t agree with her.

So for right now –keep dating. There is no pressure for anyone to get married and there’s a lot more to learn. There are some clear differences that would have to be worked out if you did decide to get together.

Take your time this is a financial, emotional, and complex situation. No need to rush.

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.