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Jill Scott Tackles Interracial Dating

Jill Scott wrote a piece for Essence on her perspectives of interracial dating in the United States. Peep the very interesting piece…

You know the moment when you realize that fine, accomplished brother is with a White woman? Let’s call it “the wince.” Three-time Grammy Award-winning artist, writer, actress, philanthropist, mother and all-around Renaissance woman, Jill Scott gets to the root of our feelings on the matter.

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn’t marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit…wince. I didn’t immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul’s credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that’s not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah’s Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common “wince” has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, “Massa” placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It’s frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I’m just sayin’.

49 Responses to “Jill Scott Tackles Interracial Dating”

I love you Jill Scott and you have some very valid points. I must confess to all that I am in an interracial love and marriage but I have dated and married my race. I just fell in love with my current husband who is outside my race and it is not easy everyday. We have endured alot in the 10 years but it has all been worth it esp. my beautiful baby girl Brynn Ashley!

Yeah I Said Itsaid

As a biracial female I understand her point but at the same time I am so sick of hearing women both black and white talk about why someone choose the person they love. My father who is african american, did not have a reason for finding and choosing to marry my mother who is white. He’s not wealthy but considered upper middle class.(Meaning he earns more than $100,000 thousand per year but less than $250,000 per year) So it was not his money she wanted but him as a person. Why can’t that be true for those that happen to be ball player or even CEOs of a corporation? When it’s my turn I don’t care if he is blue black.whitest white, dayglow red, or sandman brown I am going to marry him for all th reasons we share to together……..

MO you have to know this is going to bring anger and hateful remarks to this post……. on that note HAVE A GREAT DAY MO FAMILY! Oh yeah I will be flying into New York and from there to DC before returning home tonight… MM and Miss E just know I though of you while passing through I am so happy to return to work (not happy with the light schedule) but will take it. Now I need to get back in school. God is “Grand”!!!!!!

Blessed38LAsaid

Jill has a good point. When my husband and I lived in Las Vegas NV, there was a biracial couple that lived beside us. The guy was black the woman was caucasian. They had a big fight one day, and the woman called the black guy the N word. My husband and I became so frustrated. I am an African American Woman and have never dated out of my race, because I always had thoughts that if I dated a white man and we have an arguement, he would be quick to call me the N word. If you notice, the majority of times during an interacial relationship. When a fight has occured and the police gets involved, that white cop is on the caucasians side. I have relatives that is or have been involved with a caucasian, it doesn’t bother me because that’s their own life. But I never dated out of my race, another reason why is because I think of how the black race was hung and beaten for getting caught with a white woman, or a black woman with a white man. I understand Jill a whole lot and will always admire her.

Your are right, that is unacceptable, unjustified and totally off limits just like other things in a relationship!!! Hopefully, he left her ignorant ass right where he picked her up at bottom of the barrel.LOL

Blessed38LAsaid

Yeah I Said Itsaid

Oh wow, There are some that love the ideal of you but not your color. My parents are from the old school and not only that they did go through a lot of changes with my mothers family being back woods red necks. They don’t really care for black people and that’s find for me because i don’t really care for their ignorance. For her to call him the N word means she always felt somewhere in her black heart he was beneath her. Real love does not think of calling you out of your race at the first argument. I am glad he left and hope nothing she could say would make him want to come back. I hope they didn’t have children.

Kanyadesaid

Blessed38LAsaid

I guess your just jealous because your not on one. I just didn’t like what you said about Janet and Jill. So, don’t try to twist your lame comments. If the photo of Janet and Jills photo does not matter to no one else, why should it matter to you. You would have felt the same way about any photo of Jill and Janet. You came at yourself, no one else is worried about Janet and Jills photo. Usual times women such as yourself, complain about anything they can toward a sister with fortune and fame, and that’s what I meant by saying ” BET YOU DON’T HAVE THE MONEY THEY HAVE” you came for yourself, and I came for you with full of truth(it hurts doesn’t it?) Now, go try out as an EXTRA parttime for an movie audition and walk behind the real deals! and just for the record, I am a Music Recording Engineer/Production, Child Psychology, Professional Writer, and A WAY TO A MANS HEART darn good cook under Culinary Arts. SHEEEEEEEEESH Kanyade, or come back with some kind of make up career out of jealous lies! It is nothing wrong with the photo. Love ya my child, Blessed38LA

MissTXsaid

Kingstonsaid

This was an honest and very beautifully written essay. Although this may not render true to some black women, but there are many who can identify and relate to that “wince” that she referred to. Personally, I don’t have a problem with interracial relationships since my grandfather, who I Iove dearly, is a product of that. The only issue (for lack of a better word) I have is when a black man ONLY date women of every other race and vice versa. To me, that is self hatred and a slave mentality. I know one may say, well what about preference? But I don’t believe that preference excludes a certain race. Just my two cents, before this thread turns into a ruckus.

Satuisaid

I completely agree…like, for example, Reggie Bush parading his ass on the cover of Essence…wtf?…he doesn’t date black women so why the fuck is he there?…same with Tiger Woods (MJ)…I have absolutely no problems with people falling in love and marrying people outside their race…but I DO have a problem with people automatically rejecting someone bcause of the color or their skin!…look at Reggie’s mother she’s black so what in hell is he trying to say about her…but soon I feel as if there is going to be a shift…there are so many deadbeat brothas now and days we won’t want to waste OUR time with their broke asses…

sweet_teasaid

That’s how I feel…it’s been too long that brothas bypass black women to move on to other races because they somehow feel it’s more affluent. That old principle that uplifted white as pure is still in effect. No one should be rejected because of the color of their skin & as black women, we should adhere to that principle as well. We can’t complain about Black men & then keep settling for trife losers just because we feel like we owe it to society to be with someone of the same race. Essence should establish ‘Date a White Man Day’ or something & get the movement rollin…I’m all for it.😉

VA_Gurlsaid

Mrs. 2020VIZN♥said

Now THIS is the Jill i KNOW, thumps up. [see WHY i was mad at you, cause you know DAMN better lololololol]

Here’s an article i jacked (lol) from another site, that does this topic justice, read on…

When I look around and see interracial couples in everyday life, I often wonder if any of them are aware that at one point in time, that it was illegal for blacks & whites to even get married in this country. Its become so common to see interracial couples these days, that its no big deal really. So why are you talking about it RiPPa? Because I can muthafucka! Thats why!
LOL…even I had to laugh at that last line.

Most people who have and or do date interracially, will always say that they don’t see color when they choose who they choose to be with. They’ll also say shit like, love doesn’t know color. Or they’ll even say something stupid like…

“Jesus loves the little childeren, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world!”

Uh huh, some bullshit like that is what some will say. Listen, I’m warning you now, that Flower Child, 60’s hippy shit ain’t working with me, OK? If the world or this country was really like that, there would be no stigma attached to dating outside of your race. To be honest, the reason that it was considered taboo was because of white people. Yes. in history, white people have fucked over people of color all over the world. They were the ones who made the rules of engagement, and they damn sure didn’t do it with LOVE or JESUS in mind. Am I lying? Maybe I made that up.

I look around and see people today not afraid to step outdoors with someone of the opposite race as a mate. Gone are the days when a black man would be fuckin hung, shot and killed for even looking or being accused of looking at a white woman. Gone are the days when it was easy for a white woman to yell rape, and blame a black man when she had consentual sex and her daddy found out that she fucked a nigger. Gone are the days that it was against the law for blacks and whites to even get married in this country. Yup, that was a long time ago. Nevermind the Genarlow Wilson case in Georgia just a few years ago, that was just a fluke, that stuff almost never happens. Hell, interracial dating is “cool” now. Personally, I think its become a trend. Its not a NEW trend, but its a trend none the less. Its become tolerable (notice I didn’t say acceptable) in our society. Its like the old saying, “If you can’t beat em’, join em’.” Its one of the reasons why Barack Obama is a frontrunner to become the next president. Fuck it, I’m just telling you the truth.

Since I’m telling you the truth, I might as well tell you, at one point, and in some cases today, to date outside of your race is considered to be an act of rebellion. It was considered to be moreso rebellious for white women to date, or seek the companionship of black men. After all, black people were beneath white people, and how dare a white woman have sex with a black man. Never mind that white men have always had sex with black women whenever they wanted, never mind that. Hell, the white man ruled and owned black people, therefore, if he wanted to fuck a black woman he could! His friends would even know and it was no big deal. Double standard? Fuck no, they made the rules, and thats the way it was.

But you know whats funny? Though its become “tolerable” today, its obvious that its about class even as races intermingle. Think about it! You never see a broke black dude with a white woman who’s considered well to do. And you never see a sucessful black man with a broke white woman. And why do you think I used these examples excluding the black woman? Because more black men date outside of their race than black women do. And trust me, thats no accident. Black men “choose” to date white women as a measure of sucess, and in turn acceptability. And they do this because of slavery. No, its not a payback thing either as some of them would tell you. Like I said, its a measure of sucess. Though I don’t agree with it, I understand. And now today, you have white women who date black men exclusively. And they probably don’t even understand the reasoning behind the actions of said black men. For most of them (white women), though its still an act of rebellion on their part, its the “in” thing. You know, its “cool”, and hence me saying its become a trend. I can go on and on and break this down even further as I see it. But I’ll end it like this….

With the black man being the original man of the earth, and with white women making interracial dating trendy. I wonder how many of them would date an aboriginie?

MaliaMalia LOVES MOsaid

Hey Mrs. 2020VIZN♥ i don’t quiet get the last piece of the article where it says:

“I wonder how many of them would date an aboriginie?” ( shouldn’t it be written as aboriginal not as aboriginies”)

anyway i just don’t get it as to how (they’ve or the author) have constructed this sentence?? Its the last part of the sentence…where it reads” I wonder how many of them would date an aboriginie?” Do you know what the author of this article is trying to say about the aboriginal people??? or have I just misread the whole thing wrong? lol…

Mrs. 2020VIZN♥said

“aboriginie” is a slang for aboriginal, it can be used interchangeably.

What the author is trying to say is that Black men dating white women is more of a psychological issue rather than just ‘love’. A significant number – not all, but a lot of black men turn to other races because of a systematic destruction of their psychology by others, mainly Europeans.

”Do you know what the author of this article is trying to say about the aboriginal people?”…. No, it’s not about them at all; it was just used as reference. When you compare the different races black men date, white women contribute to a staggering majority compared to other races (Chinese, Indian, Latino, etc.), it all ties back to the psychological damage and what it ‘means’ to have a ‘white woman’ on your arms. So it begs the question, are they really into interracial dating? Or are they trying to ‘prove’ something? If not why not date ‘other’ races (Chinese, Indian, Latino, etc.) just as much?

I think “aboriginie” was used because they are seen as the ‘forgotten people’… A man who is REALLY into interracial dating WOULDN’T care. I was more like “ok, so you like dating outside of your race, huh? Well here is someone who no one gives a shit about, oh NOW you don’t want it?”, it’s similar to white girls saying they ‘love’ black men, but you wouldn’t see them with a broke one, just look at the celeb cases, as soon as the black celeb files for bankruptcy, he has to follow by filing for divorce, makes you wonder, don’t it?

Black men, if they had the choice between black woman and other races, they would choose other races, more for ‘benefit’ rather than love. But there is one more a time- a STAGGERING disparity when it come to ‘white women’ and ‘other’ women, believe me it’s not a ‘coincidence’.

MaliaMalia LOVES MOsaid

Mrs. 2020VIZN♥said

First let me start by saying i think this author was having a ‘hot head’ moment lolol, like MO with the ‘christian’ article lolol, you CAN TELL he is ANGRY, so some of it might be a bit ‘harsh’, but overall i get it. Here goes…

“You never see a broke black dude with a white woman who’s considered well to do. And you never see a successful black man with a broke white woman.”… There are ‘exceptions’ in EVERY rule, but let’s look at the MAJORITY.

Broke black dude + Wealthy white woman = Ain’t Gonna Happen!

Wealthy + broke white woman = NEW Phenomenon!

It wasn’t the case ‘back then’, it was more like “what can you offer me n*gga?!”, but as times goes by you find that more and more black men are ‘seeking’ white women, so NATURALLY you will have a shortage of the rich ones. Also, cultural changes – it’s the ‘in thing’ to have another race on your arm, so black men will go to all lengths to have one. Look at Reggie Bush, he would rather have a ‘white hoe’ on his arm than a black woman, when you’re presented with options the natural selection is the ‘good’ or ‘best’ one, choosing the WORST one?… that DIFIES logic.

As the number of University Black Women Graduates steadily increases, so does the number of UNMARRIED BLACK WOMEN, yet a bunch of ‘white hoes’ are getting married to black men on the daily, ‘coincidence’ I think NOT!

Kingstonsaid

Ok, now that you broke it down, I’m getting a better understanding of it. Well, it’s clear as day that he’s against interracial relationships. Sounds like he wants blacks and whites to be separate, or better yet, he wants it be unacceptable like it use to be, for black and white to have personal relationships. That was my interpretation of it. But like Terracne says, if we plan to move forward, we can’t “pick and choose” specific areas. We have to do so completely. We can’t use past mistreatments of blacks as an excuse for why we fail. I’m sick of hearing “The white man is trying to hold the black man down”. Do you know how many black men (and woman) have exceeded what was expected of them? Please.

Now, Ms. The black men that will go to great lenghts to be with a white woman, that is self hatred. Does that hatred originate from slavery and the white woman being viewed as a “prize” or an accomplishment? Maybe.

Yasmine T.said

Terrancesaid

I personally don’t have a problem with interracial relationships. But I must admit I always do a double take when I see a black women with someone who isn’t. It’s not jealousy, hatred, or frustration but more like curiousity. I wonder what drew her to him, whether he is white, asian, hispanic, etc. I wonder what kind of swagger does he have to pull a sista. Not that I consider any other race of men to be corney or inferior. But I know it’s a fact that black women are less likely than black men to date outside of their race. I consider myself informed when comes to the African American experience, however I do not agree with the perpetuation of segregation. If we are going to move on we have to in every arena of life, that includes relationships. I’m not implying that we forget, but move on. People always have a problem with black/white relationships, but not any other black combo. Many people are probably not aware that Native Americans enslaved blacks. Even after the emancipation of blacks many Native Americans refused to release their slaves. Finally, when they decided to do so they still did not adopt blacks into their tribes. Therefore, blacks were left without an identity, or a way of making a living like he could do as a sharecropper for a former white master. Still we have blacks proudly boasting that they are part Sioux, Navajo, or Chickasaw. Like I stated already I don’t have a problem with people dating outside their race. I only have a problem when someone decides to do it as a result of self hatred. I hate to hear black men excluding black women because of racial stereotypes such as they’re too dramatic, overbearing, or not as sexually explicit. Likewise, I have a problem with black women saying all the “good ones” are taken, dead, imprisoned, or don’t like black women. I truly believe that many people don’t choose to fall in love with whom they fall in love with, it just happens. So, if they were willing to be color blind then everyone else should be too.

Mrs. 2020VIZN♥said

“But I know it’s a fact that black women are less likely than black men to date outside of their race. I consider myself informed when comes to the African American experience, however I do not agree with the perpetuation of segregation. If we are going to move on we have to in every arena of life, that includes relationships. I’m not implying that we forget, but MOVE ONE.

People always have a problem with black/white relationships, but not any other black combo. Still we have blacks proudly boasting that they are part Sioux, Navajo, or Chickasaw.

I only have a problem when someone decides to do it as a result of self hatred.
I hate to hear black men excluding black women because of racial stereotypes such as they’re too dramatic, overbearing, or not as sexually explicit. Likewise, I have a problem with black women saying all the “good ones” are taken, dead, imprisoned, or don’t like black women.

Yeah I Said Itsaid

I never had a problem with whomever a person decides to date, I am biracial, my dad is Indian (Hindu) , My mom is a black woman! I dont have a problem with black men dating outside their race, more power to them, what i do hate is when they look at black woman as if they are germs, or beneath them. I have seen black men with white chicks, and witnessed a sister go up and ask them something, and he look at her like she got herpe sores on her lips and turn his head, hold his white woman by the small of her back and swoop on. it was disgusting how he behaved.

Damn this was deep, I can understand the thouhgt behind the “wince” but sometimes black women need to stand in our shoes. I luv all women so i think its only right to taste all races but the most difficult to understand are black women. I never understood how yall wont look twice at a nigg@ if he aint ballin out of control, then when his grind comes full circle yall dont believe he turned his back on the sistas. Granted my girl is as black as they come but yall will do to the sistas too. Like “aww she aint black enough cuz she grew up around all white people”, BFD, I’ve tried to get at chicks before sometime waiting damn near six month with no play but they’d let otha people use and abuse them, but 4 years after i got my money right guess who’s tryin to figure out why I stopped messin with them.