To be pissed off with dp

Had a baby a few weeks ago. Dp constantly tells me not to lie down with the baby in case I fall asleep. Gets really angry if I even say that I'm tired. Tells me to put the baby down. He's convinced I will fall asleep with her and potentially kill her. I'm sick of it. I understand the worry, I do get it and the last thing I would do is put her in danger.But this is 30 times a day. I'm not exaggerating. I'm sick of hearing it. I'm sick of feeling like a shit mum over something that hasn't happened and will never happen. I feel like he doesn't trust me with her and it makes me feel worthless.He has just gone back to work now and every text and phone call he says the same thing.So Aibu to let it annoy me or does everyone get this from their partner??I feel like ripping my bloody hair out after I read his texts or speak to him and I can't even ignore it because if I did he would think I had bloody fallen asleep

Have you screamed at him to fuck the fuck off yet? Or hung up on him with a big slam of the phone? Or switched off your phone to block all these ridiculous communications?

I'm normally a fan of the calm quiet approach but I also feel that sometimes in the post natal period blowing your top can be the best approach. Don't keep it in. The first few weeks are hard enough without pretending you are OK when you are not OK.

That's very unusual, is he anxious about other things or is it just this one issue. Is there some background reason why he might be disproportionately worried about this one thing, likd childhood experience or anything?

It's natural for new parents to feel anxious but odd that he's focusing all his anxiety on this one thing, and totally inappropriate that he's giving you such a hard time about it when you haven't done anything wrong. Maybe he should see his GP about his anxiety because it's totally out of proportion.

That's an odd amount of times but my dp turns into a complete weirdo when I'm heavily pregnant and when our little ones were tiny and then goes back to normal eventually. It's never been in a way to make me feel like a bad mum though it's more about eating enough/not doing too much/unexpected treats but he couldn't do anything to help spd or breastfeed so he just felt useless and that he had to be helping nagging constantly.

Tell him that he's nagging too much and causing stress and you need to be as mentally healthy as possible at this time for the little one, hopefully that helps. Also try not saying how tired you are unless you're away to hand over baby and go for a nap it's hard though because it sounds just a tiring time and the words fall out...

I know a lot of people who do lie in bed with their babies and go to sleep but I would never do it. I had a cousin when I was a young child who fell asleep with her baby. She rolled over and suffocated him by accident. This is why i would never do it myself. My dp doesn't know this by the way and I wouldn't tell him. It would make it ten times worse

It does sound like he needs to seek help with this. It's completely out of proportion.

Does he recognise that it's not normal behaviour? I mean, I literally never left my youngests side when he was tiny, and we needed to watch him (severe breathing issues) but he still spent most of his first 3 months asleep on my chest or next to me on the bed.

He sounds very controlling and obsessive, is he usually like this? Be careful OP don’t allow yourself to feel shit about something that’s his problem, you’re a good Mum.Can you be assertive and tell him to stop? I mean absolutely firmly not in a begging upset way. Just say “STOP! enough of this. I don’t want to here it again.’If he won’t listen, you’re too frightened to do it or he treats your worse if you argue then I think you need to reconsider this relationship, he’s affecting your mental health.

I had this fear, it was PND prompted plus DHs little brother died of SIDS. As DH poo pooed my fears (and they weren't even as extreme as your DHs all that happened is I literally never slept while he held our first child. I felt too terrified he'd fall asleep (he actually did and was a smoker) but also too terrified of his mood to mention my fear.

I still feel sick at the thought of that time period now.

Your DH is struggling with this, what helped me by the time we had DD2 who I ended up coalescing with! Is facts. An understanding of the dangers and how to make things safe.

He needs help, get him to your MW/HV and get joint advice on how to manage this for both your stress levels.