I am all alone in the world none of my own family and my friends moved abroad 10years ago and I never was able to find true friends Again.

Long story short me and my husband met,
We got married quite quickly we have been together 2.5 years and married 2 years.

After we married The whole way has been tough.
We met in uk and then soon after we moved to Brazil. , husband Brazilian. I left a high earning job, my life left my home, and sold all my belongings....
first my husband got addicted to drugs and became very dangerous ( tried to kill me with a knife 4 times/ knocked me unconscious/ only reason I am still alive his dad managed to save me..
Still dealing slightly with that I assume will never disappear.
Then he started making fun of my body "you look like a little boy" anyway wasn't thinking straight and ended up with a boob job... at first great... but my husband told me I could have a shower after 3days of surgery can't speak the language so followed husband instructions. I got an infection very bad. Inward scared so came back to the uk.
Nhs turned their back on me to take them out for free even liquid was coming out.. I stayed like this until 9 months until I managed to save enough money plus a loan 9k to have removed and replaced ( it resulted in me completely loosening my own breast and look very bad.
Anyway the surgery in uk had done one wrong and the other looks awful. I am left in a lot of pain can't sleep and need to save to fix this problem... yes I have to pay again even though no my fault!

I used to be a bodybuilder now I can not lift a bag of food shopping.
I lost a lot of weight I am now 47 kg
The day I return to work I got sacked because they thought I would be useless!! Better off without that.
Got another job but don't really like it.

Digress husband didn't have a visa to come and help me here. So he suggested moving to Spain to apply fornthe visa cut short this is the quickest way to do this cost £60k £18k was his and the rest mine. Plus £10k loan I had to get to pay for his rent in the other country as I could not afford to pay for x2 lives he could not work.

6 months later he was able to look. after me.
However all he did was moan that I was awake all night crying in pain..? Never comfort me. Moaning, moaning that I was always unhappy, and that I didn't look nice being so slim 🙄
We struggle to afford food as well at this time... my husband couldn't find work.

But we were still able to laugh and be strong together we tried to always look at things in the positive... can't get worse... lol

Then the bank gave me 23k loans and a cheaper rate to cover all the debts we acumilated which gave us £2 k to buy a car.

Life was in the up. We went from renting a single room in London to a double room with ensuit 🎉
Everything started to become easier... but my husband was working full time now... here is when the problem started he has always been in a very well off position and never really worked. Completely opposite to me I worked from 14.

But we found that these two opposites were a positive in both sides.

He became very tired, moody, complaining all the time about everything and I mean everything, he stopped wanting to go out in the reach to save money, he then started gambling and "winning" us money although I never seen the money. Not wanting to pri and be a Nag, he stoped helping around the house, and stoped getting the food shopping ( I walk home and the shop is 25 mins walk away so is very heavy but he's been leaving me to struggle to buy the food and walk home although he catches the bus out the supermarket home 😓
We used to be able to talk about anything and everything one of the main reasons I married him and he was fun.

Now when I ask him the smallest things he ignores me and plays an online game. 24/7
I ask do you want dinner nothing ask 3 more times nothing.
Yes Ive told him this really hurts.
Ive also told him I am slightly struggling mentally dealing with all the above and working myself into the ground... nothing yes tried to help myself quite difficult to be honest maybe why I'm writing this sai Just want to talk to someone.

Im the morning he makes huge mess and leaves me to tidy before I go to work.. I didn't relise that I just did without saying anything. I the. Asked him to get us 10 mins earlier to give yourself a little less stress in the morning... he does work long hours 6 days a week we all been there. I used to work 7 days

There is a lot I have missed out but I have almost too much for him and really got very little Im return most of actually the problems created by him.
But I am left feeling very loanly, hurt not cared for ignored and understament of unappreciated.
I do try to talk but no response literally.

Two weeks ago we finally moved into a dream 2 bed flat beautiful nd we have found a student to rent the second room for some extra cash 👏🏼

I keep trying to work on our marriage but i get nothing back... but break though the other day he bought me some flowers 😱 And ask if for a change if he could this time by the food shopping and carry home

Of course I made a huge thank you... ps I say thank you everyday for working hard. Even though I am working hard too.

Then the day after his dad got diagnosed with cancer 😓 He is also my dad too ... saved my life remember this is awful and it's not looking good.

I have sold the car to by tickets for both of US to go a look after him his dad is in Brazil. But he siad I think I should go and you stay and work to pay the billls somewhere there I do understand but I also don't know how long he will be gone! And i also freak out a little as I will be back pay for 2 lives in 2 countries. Really not doing again. I suggest we should both go and live there and work there !!? Am I being wrong he didn't really like idea.
But at the same time he is angry that we now have to sell the car maybe loose our home.
And as we only got on our feet 2 weeks ago ready to loose everything again.

He's stopped talking to me again, I try calmly to speak an get nothing but now he snaps and says something horrible.. me not being my 100% strong self get a little upset. I try to cry in the shower so he doesn't see as he has problems.

I do try to be strong a little too strong... but if I feel I'm struggling I will say. But when I say NOTHING! Ahhh!

Anyway I was speaking to a lady I know for a long time who lost her breast finally not ideal at work I am very private actually my work no nothing and I mean nothing that actually too thing I have no problems although that have noticed that I am forgetting things a lot which I am a little worried about. I'm wondering if my brain has just about had enough.

As I talk my husband just made a sandwich and not for me? Another selfish example.

Ok one problem one of the our suppliers walked in someone In overhearing opporation, and cold see I was in a little worse for ware.

Anyway me and my husband were off today and work knew it was for a " "doctors" appointment...
and randomly I got a message from my work colleague a man saying hi are you ok?

My husband ripped my phone from my hand and replied why? I told him not to reply it's my work (it's saved as a work name)

He said I seen your were not in a good place... Oppration? I thought i would just say hi!

The man replied i don't understand I work with her you have nothing to worry about, I was just conserned.

Crap! Husband now thinks Ive cheated and want to leave me!! Really after everything? Obviously I havnt if it helps I walk to work, work, walk home and do the same every no fun at all.

I have told him I can not control for someone to tx me but I actually did not reply!

What do I do?
I know my husband needs me right now, but I need him, he no longer trust me, I'm still being ignored and have no one to speak to.. I am not going to speak to the work colleague I'm private. Hence writing here.

I am literally at my wits end with my husband but he's my husband.
Can I save it?