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Behold, The Extremely Cooked Grammys 2018 Results

Hawaiian crooner Bruno Mars has dominated the 2018 Grammy Awards, taking home six gongs for his album 24k Magic.

Mars took out both Song of the Year and Record of the Year for his singles ’24k Magic’ and ‘That’s What I Like’, beating out strong entries from Childish Gambino, Jay-Z, Julia Michaels, and Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee.

He also won R&B Song of the Year for ‘That’s What I Like’, as well as taking home R&B Album of the Year. And then to round it all out, he beat Jay-Z (!), Childish Gambino (!!), Lorde (!!!) and Kendrick Lamar (come on?) to win Album of the Year.

Elsewhere, Canadian singer Alessia Cara shocked just about everyone by triumphing over SZA in the Best New Artist category, and Kendrick Lamar continued his Hottest 100 winning streak by nabbing trophies for Best Rap Album, Best Rap Song, and Best Rap Performance for DAMN. and ‘HUMBLE.’

what’s wild is that sza not winning a single grammy has me mad enough to buy three dilapidated billboards outside a made up town and wear overalls and be mean to every single person i interact with

Curiously, the only Australian act to take home a Grammy was Hillsong church band Hillsong Worship, who won Best Contemporary Christian Music Performance/Song for their track ‘What A Beautiful Name’. If you’re wondering: the name is “Jesus”.

Alternative Music Album
Arcade Fire, Everything Now
Gorillaz, Humanz
LCD Soundsystem, American Dream
Father John Misty, Pure ComedyWINNER: The National, Sleep Well Beast

Rock Album
Mastodon, Emperor of Sand
Metallica, Hardwired … to Self-Destruct
Nothing More, The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Queens of the Stone Age, VillainsWINNER: The War on Drugs, A Deeper Understanding

Spoken Word Album
Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Astrophysics for People in a Hurry
Bruce Springsteen, Born to Run
Shelly Peiken, Confessions of a Songwriter
Bernie Sanders and Mark Ruffalo, Our Revolution: A Future to Believe InWINNER: Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist

Music Film
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, One More Time With Feeling
The Grateful Dead, Long Strange Trip
Various Artists, Soundbreaking
Various Artists, Two Trains Runnin’WINNER: Various Artists, The Defiant Ones