Welcome to Fuck I'm Stoned! We've all had times where we've smoked too much and usually crazy things happen! You can vote on each entry to tell the person to smoke on, or put the bong down and stop smoking!

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One time me and my bestfriend smoked this real dank shit and decided to go to a haunted hospital an hour away so we did and were scared out of our minds, afterwards we smoked some more and went to smoothie king and we ordered the bigest smoothie with extra caffeine and at the time we thought it was the funniest thing ever and we laughed for about 10 minutes and the cashier was so confused and we laughed more because she was dumb. FIS

one time while still new to danker weed, i blazed myself RETARDED. i was making no sense. i invented my own language which i constantly used to talk to my buddies. the language was basically english but all vowels were u's. while i talked to them, i played modern warfare 2. i swear to this day that i was controlling the guy onscreen. my hands were holding the gun and everything. i was way too ripped to function but it was still incredibly enjoyable. FI(was)S

so this happened awhile ago, but me and my friends were hiking a trail near our houses, a 6 or so mile round trial that circles a man made resevoir. we got into some conversation, smoking some bowls, and got to an area where there was a legitimate wooden draw bridge in teh middle of the woods, it was cool, we had a long discussion about how you only see those kind of things when you're stoned, 30 or so minutes go by, we turn around and get back to the wooden bridge, and the converstaion sparks again, "yeah weird shit always happens when you're high...... " as we round teh corner, we are met with a man, standing about 6 foot 5 , wearing a gorilla costume, he quickly takes his mask off so as not to scare us, and tells us that his son is just doing a project for school.... the kicker, one of us knew the gorilla , on teh car ride home, we had a conversation about how stuff like THAT only happens when youre high...retrospective FIS

my buddy and i had just smoked alot and we were driving to taco bell. we got stopped at the front of the left turn lane at this light so we turned the music up and started jammin out air drums, guitar, the works. finally i look up and the left turn light is yellow and we end up being the only ones in a long line able to take the turn =P. FIS

I was sitting getting stoned in a park with my girlfriend, and 4 of these kind of new-age hippie 40 something women came in and started worshipping this big obelisk (there is actually a big obelisk, this isn't my imagination) in the middle of the park. They had candles, bells and shit that made noise, pictures they were putting around the obelisk, all sorts of crazy shit. They just stood there for about 30 minutes, staring daggers at me and my lady for having the nerve to think what they were doing was fucking weird, and just 'appreciating' the obelisk or something. Shit like that only happens when you're stoned, I swear.

I was creating my first Fuck I'm Stoned profile when I reached the part where you have to enter two random words to prove that you're not a robot. The words were "fusible" and "19-year-old". After careful deliberation I concluded that the Internet was playing games with my head, so I continued with my login. FIS.

I was sitting down watching some television before I had to go christmas shopping and I realized I was hot because of the three layers of clothing I'm wearing. I stood up to remove my sweater and when I was standing I started thinking about how cold it was outside. After I started thinking about the cold I realized I would need a jacket since I'm going to go christmas shopping, and I put my jacket on and sat back down.

A friend and I went down to my garage to smoke some stuff i had gotten from a new dealer. Turns out it was way danker than anything we had been smoking at the time. After we finished the practically pea-sized bowl, we found markers and pastels on the ground and immediately proceeded to draw on stuff. I was like, "FIS!"

One day my boyfriend at the time and i smoked a blunt before going to go see Paranormal Activity and before we went into the theater we stopped by the dollar store to buy munchies...we were super chink eyed. i joked that he should act like a pterodactyl and parade around the store and he looked at me and smiled and started flapping his arms and walking reallly funny...i almost pissed my pants laughing and fell over. we were way too high to be out in public.

one of the first few times i smoked i smoked with my sister and we watched Babar the elephant and it just blew my mind. I couldn't fully understand what was going on but the fact that there was a cartoon elephant on the screen made me happy.

one night my two friends and i left this house we had been smoking a lot at to get some taco bell and when we got back we parked infront of the house and all sat there and ate our food...happily munching away we noticed somethings that looked like people in the driveway infront of us...paranoid as we were we all freaked out and we sat there hunched down, still eating, for about half an hour...we called these shadows the "tennis people" because they looked like two adults leaning against a car wearing tennis outfits...aka shorts, sweaters draped over shoulders...y'know. then we finally figured out that they were just shadows..

On the hunt to satisfy munchies after a good toke i made 2 pepperoni and butter sandwiches, a dijon mustard sandwich, grabbed cheese curls, walnuts, tortilla chips, chocolate chips....aka everything in sight..

So this one time, I was smoking in my friends car, and he had turned off the A/c because the lighter kept going out. So as we were hitting the bong, I kept sweating, and eventually, I realized...My face was melting, and i started freaking out, cause there was NO way my face could be sweating that much.

sometimes when i smoke a lot i'll be sitting and i'll look down at myself and just feel and think i'm a crazy 3-d cartoon character, and i'll move my arms and legs like im some crazy stretch cartoon....

One time I was at this dude paul's hotel party with some friends, we smoked him out and he had never smoked before. It was really dank and he took huge rips. at the end of the night as we were all starting to pass out, one of my friends gets behind a curtain and starts to say (in a really high voice) "Paul I'm gonna get you, paul." Mr. Low-ass-tolerance starts to cry histaricly and take off his clothes and throws them around thinking there was a ghost in the room.

Back in highschool me and my buddies used to skip class and get stoned in a nearby town where there was more stuff to do. The movie theatre was always closed so we'd hit up bulk barn and get a whole bunch of sweet munchies and head to future shop. We'd just sit on the couch in front of a display TV watching Planet Earth. Whenever an employee asked us if he could help us, we'd say: "No we're just fine" and continue munching out and watching planet earth. (that birds of paradise shit is TRIPPY)

I smoked and went on the computer for about 40 minutes afterward. Then I saw a 40 minute old status update that I remembered seeing before that moment, and was convinced I was psychic for a good 10 minutes until I realized I had read it when I first got on the computer and am indeed not psychic. FIS.

I went to the library really early today. I was extremely excited to come home, because my friend had some gifts for me. I was also excited to get high and tell Fuck I'm Stoned that I got new gifts. And man, I can't tell if that makes sense or not.

So I was smoking some bomb weed at home before I went out to do errands. I then turned the oven on to bake some fries, when they where done I opened up the oven and forgot to put oven mitts on and grabbed the stone with my hand. I then a few seconds later scream in pain as my hand was burning on this stone, after putting it down I said "I can't believe I just did that". I ran my hand under cold water for a few seconds then ate my french fries because i had the munchies wicked bad. FIS

Me and my friends were really stoned on campus once and we were just sitting on this bench overlooking a busy stop light downtown and someone brought up seeing an owl and then someone brought up harry potter and we just talked about for the next 10 minutes how awesome it would be to fly around on broomsticks instead of cars. FIS.

I got home from buying a quarter oz and promptly lit one up. I figured I should hide the rest in different places in my room just in case my mom found some I'd still have some left. I hid all of it and then stood in the same spot for a few minutes trying to remember where I put it.

after smoking a couple of bowls with some friends, we decided to chill and talk in the backyard. we were in the shade but part of my arm was in the sun.. it felt hot and kept getting hotter and hotter. i screamed because it felt like my arm was on fire so i licked my arm and i kept blowing on my arm. my friends laughed at me while i was freaking out. FIMS.

I got high at a friend's house party. She has these elephant statues. I laughed, flat out, for a full 20 minutes at them. I then had to go to work and I still couldn't stop laughing. Fuck, I was stoned.

My friend had never smoked anything before and it was my birthday, so i bought a quarter oz and we had smoked about 5 bowls in when my friend says he has to piss, so about 15 minutes later he stumbles into my room with a look of confusedness on his face. He proclaims, "Dude that walk took forever, it's like i went to Hawaii". To this very day my bathroom is called Hawaii.

About 45 minutes after smoking up I went to the bathroom, and afterwards went to wash my hands.
Getting to the sink I picked up my toothpaste instead of my soap and squeezed a small amount of toothpaste onto my hand, FIS.

Was on the way to a weed party in someones garden (someones dad driving). Stopped off at a petrol station for beers (8 of us.. all 17+dad) "Are you buying these minors alcohol, Sir?" the attendant asked. "They're my sons." the dad replied. Back in the car, the dad turned down a stella for a hit. We arrive, many joints go back and fourth, i fall asleep in someones garden, ruining the flowers.
I am now known as Sleeping Beauty.

One time I was going on a class trip. I decided to smoke a little before my friend's dad picked me up. I proceeded to get in the car as normally as I could. Keep in mind my friend is super tall and his dad is really fat. As we were driving I thought I was being escorted by a Bear and a Giant Stickbug.

I got smoked out by one of my friends one night. I got really stoned I couldn't function. Later that night, I knocked out. I had this dream where I was a little kid riding on my new scooter I got for Christmas. The dream was so vividly real. I started doing tricks on it, everything. I was on the street trying to hop up the curb. In the dream, I didn't jump. I hit the curb and face-planted on the sidewalk. At that instant, I woke up screaming, "Fuck! My scooter! MY FUCKING NOSE IS BLEEDING!" Turns out, I wasn't bleeding, my nose was just runny. FIS.

I'm really high right now (we are ordering pizza) and i went to write in Fuckimstoned.com... i then realized i was too fucking stoned to write in fuckimstoned.com. FUCK IM STONED. (pizza is good though)

My friend and I were sitting on the floor in her basement, sparking a joint. Jimi Hendrix was playing on her record player. I put two and two together and I was like, "Dude. Do you know what our parents were doing when they were our age? Exactly what we're doing right now!"

One time, a few of my friends and I went to McDonalds (naturally) and ordered $30 worth of food. On the way back home, I was looking everywhere for sweet and sour sauce and exclaimed, "FUCK! WE'RE TURNING AROUND! WE LOST A SWEET AND SOUR!" My other friend said, "FUCK! AND A HONEY MUSTARD! FUCK!" I realized they were both in my lap. FIS.

Me and my friends were going to the football game and were smoking. for the whole night we talked in an english accent and told our other friends that they had to or we werent talking to them and they never did so we just talked to eachother.

I was on a school trip and where were staying in a bad hotel. So my friend and i decided to hotbox in his bathroom. When I got back to my room, my roommates were not pleased and proceeded to lock me in the bathroom...with all their makeup, shampoo, everything. Needless to say I don't think they enjoyed my "conceptualist artwork"

I was just making some food in the microwave, staring at the clock, waiting for the time to change. I then noticed that I forgot to push 'start' and I had been staring at '2:30' for five minutes. It's almost 11 at night...

one time me and my boyfriend were fucking baked and all he had to eat in his apartment was a jar of marichino cherries and a bottle of vitamin gummy bears. i took the cherries he took the vitamins
we both got the shits

so me and my band we token at the park, it was dark. Anyway we were walking back and we heard foot steps so i stopped and was like did you guys hear that? Then my buddy yells demon and we all screem and start running. i soon realized it was our footsteps. Fuck we were stoned!

I've been smoking for quite a while know so I know that I shouldn't try and travel after I smoke. Well I was getting ready to go on Thanksgiving vacation and my roommate comes in an asks if I want to smoke and no one ever turns down a free smoke. A few minutes after the smoke I got on the subway to head to the bus station. I ended up at the library instead and boy was the security guard confused when I asked him where the buses were. "This is the library."

I was really baked with my good friend, and we started to talk about cotton mouth and why it is called cotton mouth. We stated the obvious reasons why it's called that, and talked for about 5 minutes and then stopped. Then I started to taste my mouth, and I thought it tasted more like a biscuit than a mouth, and I sad, "Now I'm not sure why it's called cotton mouth. My mouth feels more like a biscuit. Dude I don't think I have cotton mouth, I think I have biscuit body."

One night my ex-boyfriend and I wanted to have sex after we'd just gotten really baked. He went into the kitchen and brought back cool whip to put on and lick off of me. He started kissing me and trying to fool around but I was too busy eating the cool whip with my hands to pay any attention to him. FIS.

im really baked and i wanted to submit a story on fuckimstoned.com but i couldnt remember how to spell "stoned" and by the time i figured it out i got to the website and forgot what i was going to say. FIS.

A friend and I were super baked and watching youtube videos. We decided to start looking for a good acoustic version of With Arms Wide Open. We started listening to one and I said "omg this is worse than creed!!". Turns out it was Creed. I called Creed worse than Creed.

I was just outside, baked as shit having a cigarette and this really long haired decked out hippie chick on a longboard looked at me very seriously and raised her hand above her head and gave me a peace sign and just kept riding past me. It kind of blew my mind.

After stopping by a friends house and smoking a joint on the way home from work one day, i had to stop at my tobacco store to get some cigarettes. This is were I always go so the guy that works there knows me fairly well. Well im fumbling around in my billfold looking for my debit card and i thought i found it, but instead i pulled out my library card to pay for my cigarettes. I was like Ooops-that wont work will it?! I know the guy was like yea shes gotta be fucking stoned, especially since thats where i always get my rolling papers too! i was quite embarrassed but also thought it was funny as hell!

Freshman year of college I was really high and drunk and wanted some grilled cheese. The problem was I didn't have any pans or anything like that. I found two pieces of bread and string cheese, I was elated. All I had to do now was figure out how to cook it. I had the great idea of just turning on the electric range on the stove downstairs, waiting until it got red hot and putting everything on it. It didn't work so well, everything just burnt and melted all over the stove. Man, I really wanted some grilled cheese.

A while ago my friends and I got very high and went to Outback Steakhouse to sate our immense appetites. When the waitress came to our table I glanced up and out of the corner of my eye, she looked like a cop. Her sort-of button-down shirt was the right shade, she wore a button that was sort of shiny like a badge, and she addressed our party with a deadpan "How are you folks doing tonight?" All those together with my impaired judgement convinced me that oh fuck this is a cop we're busted. I panicked and just stared at my menu. It wasn't until she got around to me for my order that I began to realize my mistake. I then breathed a sigh of relief and went on to consume one of those big onion flower things and about 5 mugs of root beer.

Last night another friend and I were outside looking at a frog climbing the glass door after smoking out of a homemade bong. Then i notice another one sitting on top of a light. My friend ends up convincing me and himself that its actually just a fake frog and its part of the light. We were so confident that he used a broom to poke the fake frog and then it finally jumped. We both tweaked out and started laughing. Being quite stoned already we didn't know what we were laughing at when the guy whos house it was came out to see what was happening.

I was smoking weed with my friend today and it was his first time smoking. He was smoking the bong and took a huge rip, but then coughed into the bong. It sprayed bong water everywhere. I was so high all I could do was laugh as my friend was throwing up from coughing so hard. FIS.

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FIS

Another time I was talking to my friend that works at a gas station. I bought some peanuts and decided to start throwing them out the open door, when a squirrel came walking up. I lured it into the store and it wandered around for a bit, before finding an Mmazing bar, which it then proceeded to put in its mouth and run out of the store.

I was hanging out with 3 friends, and this was when we didnt have much of a tolerance and taking big bong rips of some really good weed, and we were tottally gone, so me and 2 other friends go upstairs to make some pizza, so we open the wrapper and put the pizza on the round wooden thing you put it on to put in the overn, well after we put it on the wood thing, we all held it up on our hands in a circle and just stared at the pizza and laughed at it for a good 15 minutes before relizing we had to put it into the oven

Me and two friends were out cruisin one night, and since we were out in the suburbs and it was a woody area, I got the feeling that we were in a horror movie. So I immediately told my friends that there was surely a werewolf out there, somewhere. About 15 minutes later, after having forgotten about that, a spurt of water suddenly hits the car, and I exclaim "DUDE, THE WEREWOLF JUST SPIT ON THE CAR." It was a sprinkler from the golf course we were driving by. FIS.

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