The following was my written response to a former nun friend, who recently commented that she hoped she hadn’t detected a “hint” of unhappiness in what I had written her.

My response:

“Of course, and for reasons not unlike your own, I sometimes feel as if I don’t belong on this earth. Followed by an immediate sense of guilt because, to all outward appearance, I have nothing about which to complain.

I’m blessed with caring friends, relatively satisfying—though often distant–family connections, more than adequate provision of my basic material needs, and an abundance of enriching opportunities for learning and growth.

For these, I am deeply grateful.

Below the surface often hovers an unsatisfied yearning.

For something. More. The eternal. For what lies beyond.

Looking back, I would have described this broader sense of longing in my book. The underlying reason I felt “called” to the convent.

I certainly hadn’t recognize this spiritual unrest as a child, but simply longed for something beyond Marriage, Family, Children, Career.

The ways of nuns fascinated me. How they concealed themselves behind mysterious walls and deviated from the prevailing style within long black garbs. More importantly–how they came together as one within a world where everyone seems separate.

How intent they seemed on forging a communal way to what lies Beyond.

My communal dreams live on. Thus my marriage, various partnerings and joinings–all in attempt to find a way to come together–none lasting forever.

Community life is an art, demanding honesty, guts, and lots of give and take. A challenging blend of togetherness and solitude. The appeal remains strong.

So, yes, you’ve caught me being restless or unhappy. When I persist in seeking happiness outside myself, and in the ordinary. Even within the ideal community or partnership, and within the most ideal personal and world-wide conditions, happiness can be elusive.

In the meantime, I concentrate on letting go, taking a deep breath, and trusting. . .

I’ve been studying A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for a few months now and now and have ventured out of my tightly woven and resistant mind to accept that perhaps I’ve been walking with Spirit all along.

Years ago, I noticed a gentle Voice that sometimes whispers to me from the back of my mind. Although that’s not always the case. Once it startled me by shouting at me to SLOW DOWN. I’d been driving through the night, and automatically argued there was no reason to cut my speed. After all, there were no other cars on the road and I was going the speed limit.

Again it shouted SLOW DOWN. I reluctantly took my foot off the gas and coasted to a crawl. Barely in time to avoid a fallen tree directly ahead. Shaken, I pulled to the side of the road and took a deep breath, grateful that I had been spared.

The Voice remains respectfully soft and in the background. Seemingly absent for long periods of time. When it speaks, it sounds like me, which tempts me to disbelieve.

It is the voice of A Divine Me. The gentle One I deliberately call upon. I hold on to my doubts though, and wonder how I could deserve individual attention from the Divine. This one, piddly human among billions. I often resist and consider myself unworthy.

This is where the Course in Miracles (ACIM) kicks in. Without going into it now,

“When you say “I”, it is ego speaking, not you. . . It consists of thought and emotion, of a bundle of memories you identify with as “me and my story”. . .

Eckhart Tolle

Only recently have I become more aware, conscious of, or awakened to the fact that this tortuous, non-stop, self-absorbed voice in my head belongs to Ego. I’ve known for years, and am one of a multitude of Seekers striving to free myself from it’s dominance. Eckhart Tolle’s book is one of many that refer to ego in a way that I can relate. Ego, however, is so deeply entrenched in the unconscious that it continues to dominate my mind without much of a hitch.

The wisdom of countless books, wise teachers, both contemporary and long gone, have referred to ego’s existence, pointing the way slowly and inevitably in the direction of awakening. After each pointer, however I linger in truth for a while, then revert to my unconscious ways again.

That my body is impermanent, I accept. That the earth with its goods and possessions is passing is a given. Otherwise, I would not have so tried to leave everything behind and become a nun.

Ditching the ego will continue to be a monumental challenge. However, through my recent discovery of A Course in Miracles, I have begun to recognize dear ego more clearly. My second round of Eckhart’s A New Earth has also helped, tipping me more frequently toward the ability to distinguish between the voice of ego and the voice of higher wisdom. A much appreciated relief!

“To recognize one’s own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.” Eckhart Tolle

Having recently discovered that Eckhart Tolle not only knows about, but also speaks highly of A Course in Miracles, I am going through A New Earth again.

With fresh eyes.

It is my hope that perhaps even during this lifetime I will awaken.

I’ve always had an ongoing and insatiable thirst for truth—for who and what and where.

For God.

For the who and what and where that I am in relationship to this ever-present, unimaginable, and seemingly illusive Source/Deity. It continues to be a long, interesting, and multi-faceted journey, dotted with surprising rewards and many seeming dead ends.

Ultimately, however, I believe that. . .

Every detail of my life has been a step toward, as well as an answer to, my lifelong search for the who and why and how.

Each person and happenstance has been an intervention of the Divine to point my way out of insanity’s grip, and toward the finding.

I am irrevocably joined with every other being–no matter how disgusting, horrific, or insane I perceive them to be.

Everyone/thing is a projection of me.

We are One.

Until I learn to recognize, forgive, and embrace others (especially those most disgusting ), I will not recognize, forgive, or embrace myself. In all my un-gloriousness, yet basic godliness.

Not recognizing, forgiving, loving, and embracing is insanity–the continuance of madness–the very perpetuation of alienation/evil, horror, lack of love and forgiveness that I am trying to escape.

I will to reawaken more frequently–to the fact that we are–all of us–God.

Sometimes change comes like the gentle transition from morning to night. Sometimes it comes in the form of a volcanic eruption. In the first case, there is a gentle, constant and gradual flow, which makes the transition smoother. In the case of a volcanic eruption, lava has to build up under the surface and when the pressure reaches a certain point, the volcano erupts.

For many decades, emotional charges have been building up for people all over the world as very little change has occurred within systems, governments, corporations and how things are run. Now we are seeing the volcanic eruptions happen where many would say that, against all odds, Donald Trump managed to win the U.S. Presidency.

I have also seen many people going into immediate fear over race, religion, immigration, Supreme Court appointments, the environment, the right to choose and many other policies. Many fear-based questions have also come to me from different parts of the world.

We all have the power to design our own reality. When we operate from fear, we create a vibrational resonance with all the things that we would like to avoid and run away from.

A Different Point of View – What Can YOU Do Now?

I know that some people are thrilled, but the majority of the people around the planet, especially in the field of consciousness, are devastated when they look at the U.S. Election results. People all over the world are concerned about the environment, the refugee situation and about racism and religious disharmony among other important topics.

Many spiritual teachers, such as Deepak Chopra, publicly mentioned that Donald Trump operates from the Root Chakra, which is more about power and survival. True, however, there is another side to it.

When people are in alignment with the Cosmic or Divine flow of energy, the Root Chakra will help to build, restore and reform. When people are not in alignment, the ego or personality will use that energy to wage wars and will bring in anger, judgment and destruction.

Do you know that at his Soul-level, Donald Trump is a builder?

What if people stop sending vibrations of anger, judgment and hatred (which create more separation) and instead, begin to focus on connecting with the builder that resides deep inside him? What if we all send in healing and loving energy so that the ego aligns with his Soul consciousness?

My Audacity to Dream Bigger

I would like to have the audacity to dream bigger to connect with that part of Donald Trump and help him build and rebuild in unconventional ways to help the world. Do you personally think that is too much to ask for? Are you willing to help or create more resistance?

What if collectively we empower him to be surrounded by those with a vision and action plan to move the country and humanity forward?

What if we can help him to align with the soul-builder in him to reform systems, create new structures and help the environment?

What if the power of will and alignment can be used to bring people and faiths together to focus on building global harmony instead of waging wars, creating separation and igniting anger?

How about constantly sending the new administration our highest vision of harmony, peace, love and collaboration?

Is This Possible?

You can resist and react by thinking “none of this is possible”. However, that soul-builder inside Donald Trump needs help, support and guidance to be heard by the personality and ego. Together, can we empower that part of him so that his higher consciousness becomes more powerful to guide his personality?

Evolution and Expansion of Consciousness is Essential for Everyone

As we are surrounded by many people in power who are currently not aligned, it is more important than ever before to come together and expand our personal vision and evolve spiritually.

When we create harmony within us and embody love, healing and abundance, our external universe reflects our inner transformation and life becomes magical. When you know your true self, you can shine your divine light. Your ego aligns with your soul. You create what you desire more easily.

Let us all have the audacity to dream bigger for our future.

Here are some action steps to manifest your ideal reality:

Write down your global vision

Each day, spend 10 minutes focusing on your vision. Imagine your perfect world – visualize it, feel it and notice it with all of your senses.