Still Frames

There’s just not enough time anymore. I’m doing too many things or, rather, so many things are happening that I can’t hope to record them all on “paper.” It’s all unforgettable, however, and that is comforting.

Yesterday morning I went to see my father, and the two of us brought back two computers for me (an old G3 tower and an ailing PC with a broken fan), a nifty high-tech fan (technically an “air ionizer”) and a few other odds and ends. Interesting conversations throughout the morning. I realized how much he misses me, how much I’m enjoying the distance, and how much he really doesn’t understand about certain parts of me.

Afterwards I went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens with Sara and we walked for hours. It’s such a small world when you’re social; we ran into someone we both knew (I knew him first from juggling with the Carmine Street Irregulars), and then later I said hi to Michael from the Sci-Fi Meetup (for the second random time this week). That night, I saw and briefly spoke with Zoe, a classmate from elementary school. (She lives in the Village now. I can’t believe we recognized each other.)

For the entire evening, we walked for miles around New York City just talking. I took her to see Chelsea Market and promised to return with her when the shops were still open. I took her to Venierro’s for dessert, Bus Stop Café for dinner. She shared so many memories with me. I felt like the conversation didn’t stop even during the contented silences.

I spent the night and finally got a good night’s rest for the first time in a long time. She let me sleep so I woke up today at three o’clock or so. We went for breakfast at Toast and spoke of life, happiness, and the future. I want to prove to myself that I’m not stuck in New York City, that I can go and be elsewhere.

The rain felt right. The coffee tasted right. The company felt right. I felt right again. I’m okay; I feel alive.

One comment

Knowing that I am an avid reader of this blog, and having the confidence to write about me this openly is proof enough for me that I have done something right. In fact more than something. It is about time that you are your own man, and your self definition transforms from that which I think I know completely to one which continues to fascinate me as being different from my own. I am proud that I have navigated myself, and for whatever it is worth, you, to that point in time. So I see the positive side in that, knowing that my love to you is unwavering, and as steady as it ever was, and ever will be. Life had afforded me the opportunity to nurture your younger brothers (8 and 1) and at my age, they are quite a handfull, but also a wonderful substitution to the possible feelings of loss generated by the distance which you seem to see growing between us. Indeed I see you less, and maybe talk to you less, but there is no distance for me. I was blessed with your following in some of the paths I laid out for you, one of which is your affinity to self expression, computers and blogging. That opens enough views into your life for me, more, I believe, that most other fathers I know have access to. Another path is your passion for exploration, and your longing to other places. So I am really greatful. After all, my biggest reward is your happiness, and that is a truth you will experience if and when you will love someone unconditionally, like I love you. Remember, I am here for you, and you define what “for” is. Last thing I want is to hinder and burden you. Good for you.
Enjoy, and stay aware.
Love, Aba