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Strange things are going on, I am alive, I get up, I go to work, I come home, but there is something missing, although I am only aware of something missing due to the time I spent being Mr Cuddles, Lust has managed to work itself way back into my life, not as hugely as it used to be, and its more of a big white bull now, but nevertheless, I have to concede that time without lust had a certain purity to it, and I certainly felt more connected because of it.

The trouble seems to be once you embrace a thief, even if only for a short time, It seems to get its claws into you, maybe its just the thief that you have a problem with, but certainly the chief thief, holds the key to the others, so I propose another week of Mr Cuddles, I have nominated Friday as my big self indulgent day, till then, I hope to connected to Creator, and acting and thinking in a manner that I can be proud of, some might say, why nominate a day to throw it all away, I dont know, but it seems to make some sense, so I will run with it, A few things I have planned for Friday, Pork Belly, (the secret is rubbing the skin with salt and lemon juice and a small amount of mustard powder), a huge loaf of french bread, french butter, This months issues of 'Private Eye' and 'Viz', hopefully some non cuddling!, and a bottle of red wine, so there we have it, Friday is thief day, which means simple food, simple thoughts, and water all week, but importantly I will enjoy the simplicity, I am looking forward to it, my dad has transferred his collection of Jagjit Singh to CD, so I will explore that too.

My mum and dad went back to India today, I went to see them yesterday with my wife and stepson, On the way there is a shop that sells the most beautiful samosas, I had been thinking about it all Saturday, my stepson warned me it would probably be closed by the time we got there, but I kept saying, no no, it will be open, stepson turned to wife, and said 'ive seen these stages before, anticipation, delusion, reality, anger, grief', I floored the 1.3 Fiesta and managed to get it up to 80mph, soon we pulled up outside, it was closed, stepson turned to wife and muttered 'anger', whilst I headbutted the steering wheelw whilst shouting 'why'. So i turned around back on the A2, stepson squeezed my hand, and mouthed to his mother 'grief', sometimes I wonder whether they think there is any more to me than food...

When we got to my parents, My father held me tightly as I whispered there were no samosas, and we comforted each other.

At the end of the evening, my wife and I both did peri pena to my parents, which I always do when I will not see them for a while, as we got in the car, I noticed my wife crying, she does not often do that, but I noticed she and my mother were quite close all evening,

My mother is an amazing woman, very tradititional, but extremely open minded, I know she dearly wanted a 'normal' daughter in law, and she ended up with a divorced mother of one, I admire her hugely, as does my wife, for being as unjudgemental as one could be, she has completely accepted my family, with the minimum of fuss, I am very lucky to have brilliant family, sometimes I forget that, actually during these periods of 'cuddles' I have noticed I start to appreciate things I do not even think about, or take for granted, sometimes I even cry, I just sit at my desk, and look out of the window, and I cry, I am not sure why I am crying, or what I am crying over, but there sure seems a lot of space in my head for thought and concepts, even memories when I banish lust.

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The volunteers of Khalsa Aid came to the rescue of many who were stranded in Panipat due to the Jat protests. The International Sikh Relief work organisation supplied water bottles and food to the people who were stuck in buses as the Panipat-Kairana and Karnal-Shamli routes were blocked....

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