‘Some of the More Mundane Moments in Life Make Great Essays’

Reflections on a critical month in the admissions process, by David L. Marcus, author of “Acceptance.”

Here’s an essay that’s sure to make an admissions officer reach for the triple grande latte to stay awake:

“I spent [choose one: a summer vacation/a weekend/three hours] volunteering with the poor in [Honduras/ Haiti/ Louisiana] and realized that [I am privileged/I enjoy helping others/people there are happy with so little].”

Yes, the admissions folks have read it before. Many times.

“I would love to have a student answer the question, ‘Why is it that you have everything and they have nothing?’ ” said Cezar Mesquita, admissions director at the College of Wooster. “Or ‘What did others learn from your participation in the trip?’”

For many seniors, choosing the topic for a personal statement is more difficult than actually writing the piece. But don’t fret. “Some of the more mundane moments in life make great essays,” Christopher Burkmar, Princeton University’s associate dean of admissions, assured guidance counselors at a conference last month.

For example, Mr. Burkmar said he had recently savored a few hundred words about a family’s dinner conversations.

“The best essays make us laugh, cry or wince,” said Matthew Whelan, Stony Brook University’s assistant provost for admissions and financial aid. “They help us understand why we want the applicant here.”

One of Mr. Whelan’s current favorites: “The young man who puts his siblings on the bus in the morning because both parents are working, then gets them off the bus, cooks them dinner and helps with homework because both parents are still working.”

At times, taking a risk pays off. Stacey Davey, associate director of admissions at Adelphi University, said she was impressed by the raw prose of a girl who battled an eating disorder. She wrote a letter to her former best friend — it was addressed to her skinny jeans. “She realized that getting into them was self destructive.”

Humility is often attractive. The Rochester Institute of Technology was intrigued by a valedictorian who wanted to take an arc welding class in high school. Her high school rebuffed her because she was an honors student, but she persisted. On the first day of class, she burned her hand.

“I remember the essay, her name and her school from 17 years ago,” said Robert Springall, who was at R.I.T. at the time and is now Bucknell University’s admissions dean.

On the other hand, Mr. Springall was working at Cornell when an applicant revealed that while waitressing she got angry at a customer and spit in his food before serving it. “Immediate red flag,” Mr. Springall recalled. “She makes poor choices.”

Denied.

Last winter, I spent a week observing a Stony Brook admissions officer as he pored over applications. I was struck by the number of students rhapsodizing about expensive travel or service projects in exotic locales, seemingly unaware that classmates were pinched by a recession.

Also avoid breezy David Letterman “Top 10” lists, which raise more questions than they answer, said Jennifer Fondiller, admissions dean at Barnard College.

Some subjects are inappropriate. A few years ago, a top student applying to Texas Christian University reminisced about torturing frogs when he was younger. The admissions dean, Raymond Brown, kept reading, hoping for at least a few words of apology or epiphany. Nothing.

The applicant was rejected.

“Probably not a good choice of topic,” Mr. Brown explained, “when you’re applying to a school whose mascot is a frog.”

Have you got essay advice to pass on, borne of personal experience or otherwise? Use the comment box below to let us know.

Mr. Marcus is the author of “Acceptance: A Legendary Guidance Counselor Helps Seven Kids Find the Right Colleges – and Find Themselves” (Penguin Press), and a former education reporter at Newsday and U.S. News and World Report. At the end of this month, he will take on a new post directing public relations for the New York Institute of Technology.

The New York Times and so many other media outlets constantly interview admissions officers who constantly cite very BRIEF examples of what they consider great essays.

Can’t these admissions officers get permission from some of these essay writers and then post the essays online? I REALLY want to see these “wonderful” essays myself.

It’s completely worthless to talk about these essays without actually showing us one.

Every year — for the next 1,000 years — every newspaper will run an article about essays written by applicants for colleges. And all of these articles will provide nothing useful for future applicants.

I think that students should not have to write an essay for admittance to a post secondary education. How does anyone know if they actually wrote it? Once they are admitted to university or college it is up to them to learn how to be university students and remedy deficiencies. The SAT test may seem to be a good idea, but it gives an edge to students whose parents can afford tutoring. Nor is it fair to students who have real problems related to testing.

All that this article tells us is what bored admissions officers enjoy reading to brighten up their dreary days. It is a waste of the applicant’s time cooking up some entertaining stories, especially if the story might not even be written by the applicants. It is a bad idea to let some self-confessed past events to help or derail the applicant’s admission and academic future. If the admission officers really want to get a feel for the applicants, conduct an online interview using Skype or similar technology.

I wasn’t given a specific topic for my entry essay — somehow I had the brainstorm to write about three or for instances where I’d failed at something or something I’d been working on had gone haywire. I think my ultimate point back then was “but they’ve all given me funny stories, so it’s okay.”

Today, just as back then, I can still laugh when things go haywire (my foibles usually tend to have an element of the ridiculous to them, for some reason), but I think now that the hidden genius in that idea was that the admissions office also figured, “hey, this student knows how to handle setbacks with grace. Good.”

I am a high school English teacher who teaches a unit on writing the college essay for my junior class. I am always looking for new model essays to show to my students as well. There are a few good books out there that publish sample college essays. In addition, you should check out Connecticut College’s website. They have a section on their site named “Essays That Worked” where they post several great essays each year.

Did you not notice that all of the essays discussed above reflected the character and life experiences, positive or not, of the writers? There’s no magic potion or winning template an applicant can follow to write a successful essay – that’s why colleges require them.

commenter #1: this article is about “choosing the topic for a personal statement”, not about its construction or complete content. There are plenty of college prep manuals that provide examples of well-written essays.

commenter #2: you seem to be opposed to both essays and SAT scores. What measures would you suggest? Only the GPA? That has its problems too, such as grade inflation and extenuating circumstances. Interviews? Very useful, but difficult to standardize. You’re correct that an essay’s authorship can’t be certain, but its topic and content will always reveal something about the student’s choices and the way they want to present themselves. As with the first commenter, you should realize that the intention of this article is to encourage the creative choice of an essay topic, in light of the fact that an essay is usually required.

Now, the author has asked for our essay advice. Mine is very much in line with the ideas in the article: make sure the essay is both interesting and informative. Surely you’ve had at least one remarkable experience in your life that you can describe, illuminating how it shaped your character or your hopes in life. If you haven’t, perhaps you should take a year off and go do something extraordinary.

You will know you’ve written a good essay when you can be sure that the admissions officer will remember it with pleasure if, once you’re on campus, you happen to meet that officer and say, “I don’t know if you read my essay, but I’m the student who wrote about…”

And, the college essay is the opportunity to paint oneself as a person and not a as composite number – ACT/SAT, GPA, secondary school reputation/rigorousness, a litany of extracurricular activities (that used to be unusual and are now the norm.)

Thus, the topic of the essay reflect who you are as much as your accomplishment(s) including as an English user. You could opt for a poem as much as an “essay.”

Another piece of advise I would like to contribute as a recent college graduate who when applying early decision to my ideal Universtiy struggled with an essay topic:
I think it’s very effective to bring the reader into a moment of your life, as in, a very descriptive paragraph of a moment in time, in your personal life, where the admissioners officer can feel your surroundings and be present in that moment with you.

I think it’s important for readers to get into the heads of the applicants, feel the rythm of these young lives. If you can help the reader to relate and understand the thoughts, feelings, and movements of the writer, then you have them hooked.

Colleges need to tamp down the obsession for a “memorable” essay. Students applying to college are kids generally in the the age group 17-19, with limited experiences and still forming as adults. The expectation that they have “discovered themselves” or thrived through a “great adversity” is rare.

This extreme emphasis on the “great american college essay” often leads to is an essay that has been edited extensively by more experienced hands and is designed to deceive through embellishments.

Your educational opportunity hangs upon the snap judgment of an admissions committee member. In your career it will be the same, though usually without an essay. My advice to a college applicant: get coached on the essay, by someone from the other side if possible: a professor or an HR manager.

But in the end it’s a crap-shoot. The reader of your essay might decide you are honest, or too good a faker; charmingly naive, or stupid; humble, or withlow self-esteem; creative, or too given to fantasies.

As the parent of a college student and a HS junior, the advice that has served my children well is to write about something that the reviewer cannot learn elsewhere in your application. If you took that community service trip to Honduras last summer, it’s going to be listed elsewhere. Ditto the volunteer hours at the local hospital. Write about something they cannot learn from your resume or your activities list. a small moment that tells the reviewer something about you that would otherwise not be revealed.

Thanks for the cite to the Connecticut College “Essays that worked.” That’s a nice resource, and also a nice honor for those students they’ve picked to feature.

I’ll add a caveat, though. That style of essay is generally inappropriate for a student applying to graduate school in the sciences. Even, for example, if your motivation for joining a psychology program is a brother with autism, that motivation should be a minor part of your essay. What the essay needs to focus on is your interest in what the education will offer (not a cure to autism, usually), and your ability to do the work to benefit from that education. It’s a different style, and it’s very noticeable when “undergrad” essays are re-cycled for graduate school.

The Greatest novel ever written was based on the course of one day in one city by one man, Ulysses by James Joyce. One of the greatest rock conceptual songs was based on the course of one person going to work, “A Day in the Life” by the Beatles.

It is not the mundane everyday events, but the interpretation of the underlying significance. Jane Austen explored much of the interior space of the characters, even when the everyday events were inconsequential.

But don’t put me to sleep with the mundane insignificance of your life. The psychology can be illuminating. When it is well done, it can be enlightening.

I spend my days teaching high school students how to write their application essays, and the advice I give them – based on conversations with admissions officers all over the country – never varies:

1. Your application essay is a story about you. It’s not about poor orphans in Ecuador or your Great Aunt Lucy or the time you ran for student government. It’s about how that person or experience affected you. Are you different now? Did you learn something meaningful about yourself?

2. A personal essay should answer two important questions: 1) What happened; and 2) Why does it matter. Students often have a hard time with the “Why does it matter” part.

3) Your writing voice is unique, personal and special. Let it shine through. Don’t get too much help polishing your work, or your voice will get lost. Students call me all the time asking me to “fix” their essays. The answer is no.

Everyone has a story to tell. If more students (and parents!) would relax and let those stories emerge, the essay wouldn’t seem like such a stumbling block, and instead would be seen as the opportunity it is – to tell people who will never meet you something real about yourself.

I got accepted early into an Ivy League school back in 1994; I wrote my application essay about one day spent with my older sister and our relationship. Basically, the essay was about thoughts and questions I was having while we were on a bus together and then when we arrived at our destination, the resolution we reached. Nothing splashy about exotic community service.

I checukled at the Hait/Honduras/Louisiana trifecta. If I was an admissions officer, I would ask “aren’t there people closer to you who could benefit from your volunteer efforts?” You don’t need to go far to make a difference; there are needy people in every community in the country.

Being about to send in college applications myself, and having written about a span of just 10 minutes’ time, I found this post/article extremely reassuring. I was always worried that, since I never went on any flashy community service trips over summers (unlike atleast half my graduating class will have), I would never get into college. Thankfully, this isn’t so; and college essays don’t need to be about a glamorous topic to make the reader think and enjoy them.

I advise students to read plenty of examples of strong essays in advance of beginning any brainstorming or writing. There are a number of books on the market and websites to help. Then I like to choose a couple of those sample essays and have the student identify three things or traits that were revealed about the writer/applicant. For example, family is important as revealed by the catchy beginning that showed the writer/applicant having a deep discussion with an older sibling. Or the writer is profoundly interested in studying French and is willing to take on challenges outside her comfort zone as revealed by the reference to studying abroad in a full-immersion exchange program. Or the writer values community as revealed by the eloquent description of her role within the corps d’ ballet, and how she provides support to and draws on the strength of her fellow dancers. Then I ask, “what do you want to reveal about yourself that’s important to you?”

Other tips I reinforce include: economy of words, keep it simple and straightforward, use your own voice, do get feedback from someone but no more than three people who you respect (I like one of those people to be a well-read and scholarly peer who knows you well), and don’t be afraid to abandon essays that just aren’t working. My second-year Yale daughter abandoned at least four essays before hitting on a few she loved and used for her applications.

Remember to use the first person; it’s about you, the writer, and it is personal. Avoid the passive voice. Use a “show and tell” approach; your essay should include catchy anecdotes that paint a picture along with reflective “tells’ about things you learned or discovered.

Start early. Admission-winning essays are not the same essays that are thrown together the night before an application is due. Have fun! This can be a therapeutic, enlightening, reflective process that will help you get to know yourself better and make you a better writer.

I’m the mom of a h.s. senior, and I recently found a great book on writing college application essays. It contains several sample (good AND bad) essays, a chapter where you “grade” several essays, and many valuable rules/tips (some of which are also contained in the comments above ) . The title is unfortunate because it sounds like a gimmick, but the content is excellent (and I’m not the author or a relative, I promise!). “Write Your College Essay in Less than a Day,” by Elizabeth Wissner-Gross.