Should you send your colleague a Valentine’s card?

FN journalists argue for and against the idea of expressing romantic interest in the office

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By

Paul Hodkinson and

Clare Dickinson

February 13, 2018 Updated: 2:30 p.m. GMT

Yes!

The harassment scandals over the last year have made men think twice about how they approach women — and rightly so. Inappropriate behaviour and clearly unwanted sexual advances must never be tolerated and certainly not in a professional office environment.

But that should not and does not mean that men and women are no longer allowed to approach each other at all. Many people meet their future spouse at work. To try to stop any form of romance between workers from ever developing is both unkind and unrealistic.

People working in the City tend to work long hours meaning the opportunities to meet potential partners are limited. If there is someone you have spent lots of time with at work and they seem to like you too then it would be silly to feel you cannot act.

The key question facing men and women who are attracted to a colleague is whether it is appropriate for them to show their interest. And if so, how? A sensible test here is to ask yourself how the other person is likely to feel. But issues that come up need not be insurmountable. Just make sure the approach is gentle, the person is on a similar level to you and your future working relationship is not in jeopardy.

In the case of a Valentine's card there is a clear safety net for any would-be romancer — to make it anonymous. It is difficult to imagine anyone being offended by receiving an anonymous card. The sender could then choose — depending on the situation — whether or not to make themselves known.

But what if you want to make yourself known straight away? Here more discretion is required but should you be entirely dissuaded from doing so? Not necessarily. As with any advance, you should act with politeness and respect. And then, who knows, maybe it could be the best decision you ever made.

By Paul Hodkinson

No!

The short answer to this question is 'no', simply because it does just not feel appropriate. But there are also a few more specific reasons why it is not advisable.

Suffice to say if you are a manager do not even contemplate sending a card to a junior. But even if you are on the same level, there are several reasons why it is a potential minefield.

Firstly, getting a Valentine's card in the office is a bit embarrassing for the recipient; even more so for the sender if your advances are unwanted and become the subject of office gossip.

Secondly, if your feelings aren't reciprocated, you could make the object of your affections feel uncomfortable, making for an awkward work environment, especially if you work closely together. And that is a best-case scenario. At worst, you could become the subject of a complaint. I doubt sending a Valentine's card is a sackable offence, but no one would relish the prospect of being hauled in front of HR about it.

And lastly, it's important to consider the current environment. With the subject of sexual harassment in the workplace taking up so much media space why would you risk doing anything — literally anything — that could be misconstrued or make a colleague feel uncomfortable?

I'm aware that a lot of people meet their partners at work. According to Vault's 2017 office romance survey, 57% of workers have had some kind work romance and 16% of those led to long-term relationships. But surely it's far better to wait until you are away from the office environment and scope out whether your colleague feels the same in a less formal setting, such as over after-work drinks.

In that environment, if your casual suggestion that you meet up for a coffee or another drink sometime is rejected, than it's easy for both sides to move on. Easier than if it's written down in black and white with big red hearts, at least.