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Friday, February 3, 2012

I have a confession. There are days when I feel like I have lost my credibility as a Special Needs Parent. So much so, in fact, that it's a big reason for why I stopped posting. It took several good friends to kick me in the butt to make me realize that what I have to say is okay.

I have been afraid to post because... Logan is doing great! He's not had a seizure in almost a year. He hasn't had an allergic reaction in a long time. He is doing phenomenally academically. We're reintroducing gluten without a hitch, though we're keeping him off casein until the end of time. And this makes me wonder if I really have anything to offer to parents of special needs children who are not doing phenomenally. Have I lost my voice? My credibility, because there has not been a trauma with Logan in recent weeks? And because of that, what can I truly say? What is there to write about? I've felt all dried up, a failure as a writer, for months now.

I have so much more to share, apart from crisis surrounding PDD, SPD, food allergies, and IEPs. But there's still that little part of me that wonders if I'm a fraud. I can write about the monsters all day long. I can talk endlessly about how laundry makes me angry. But the closeness I feel with the special needs community is near and dear to my heart. I feel a special bond with friends I have made in this community, and in some cases, love them as I love family. And I empathize. I feel their frustration when there are no answers, when there are weeks of non sleep cycles, sickness, infusions, seizures, problems with school and IEPs, lack of services... the whole shebang.

Don't get me wrong. In no way am I shouting "Logan is CURED!" from the rooftops. Partially because I don't believe autism is a disease, or that it has a "cure", and partially because I know there will be regression, because Logan doesn't retain well when routines are interrupted. I know that summer vacation will be hard on him academically, and we'll be back at square one or lower next year.

I'm NOT saying goodbye. This blog is alive and well. But I think in order to be true to myself, there will be lots more posting about all the other monsters, and life in our family. Because after all, there is a LOT of it! First and foremost, I am the Momma. Being a writer is secondary to that. So, welcome to our family (again). Brace yourselves. I may write about preteen drama queen. Or my senior in high school. Or my teenage boys that make the need for a garbage disposal obsolete. Or Logan, who insists now that his name is Mrs. Hoggenmuller. (thanks for that, Nick Jr.)

But before I go on... I need to know. Have I lost my credibility? Is that ever possible? Let me hear it, people.

Images from the google~ Specifically, the google found Mrs.Hogenmuller from nickjr.com