Everyone knows that doodles need extra coat maintenance. They don't shed, which is a plus. The trade-off then is that you have to brush your animal to limit tangles and mats. Further, you have to bring him to a professional groomer to be clipped and otherwise beautified.

Sadly, I failed in these essential obligations, and Teddy became horribly matted. By the time I got serious about the situation, the only solution was to have him shaved. I told Liz the Groomer this much when we arrived at the pet salon. Still, when I picked him up, she forced me to look at tangled dog shaped sweater of fur she'd removed from my animal. "This is how bad it was," she said. I nodded and squinched up my mouth. "Ugh," I said. Then, she made me hear about how the mats were so terrible for his skin and how he was clearly suffering during the shave. Obviously, I was so, so sorry.

"Oh my gosh," said Mac when he saw the damage. "He's a rodent of unusual size!"

"He looks ridiculous," Dan keeps saying.

I will admit that the shorn tail is especially off-putting, but I'm hella grateful for the fresh start. This time, everything's going to be perfect. Teddy, I'll never fail you again.