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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A Farewell to Twix

Sometimes I have things on my mind that I really want to write about, but I know a family member or friend will read it and think, "That's about ME!" even though it's not. I'm not in the mood for the delicate writer's dance today, so to avoid such conflict and questions, today's post will be a fond farewell to the foods I can no longer eat.

Smooth, right? See how I did that? No one gets upset this way. I should be in politics (not).

Because of my diverticulitis (which, by the way, is bad for my well being but great for my waistline) I have to eat a modified diet. Because of my TMJ (my jaw just got stuck writing this - protest?) I have to eat a modified diet too. I'm still learning about this one....I figure out what I can't have by my stuck jaw. This morning I've only had coffee....how can my jaw get stuck from coffee?!?! But I digress....

You would think that with these food restrictions that I would be stick thin, right? WRONG. Here's why - my sugar habit. I never had it before I quit drinking, now I have it in full force. I know it's because of the sugar that was in the alcohol and my body is missing it, blah blah blah. Truth is I love me some chocolate - always have. But now I have so many excuses to tell myself "I have already given up so much, I'm not giving this up too!" The fact that it's October doesn't make this any easier, it just dangles it in front of my face and I'm not good when it comes to restraining myself. CURSE YOU FUN SIZE CANDIES. So basically, this is my only vice.

The world can be cruel, however. Thanks to my fabulous health, my only vice has to be restricted.

So farewell Snickers, I truly loved you for years. But your peanutty soul is not good for Jerry the colon. You will be missed.

See ya later Twix. I have fond memories of you from being a kid, when you were the new guy in town. You are still just as fabulous in my eyes as you were when you first arrived on the scene. But my jaw doesn't like you. Sadly, the jaw wins (I think I have to name my jaw....maybe not....gotta think about this one).

Adios Heath Bar. Your buttery goodness lives on in my memories. But you are deadly for TMJ. Your perfect unity with coffee ice cream will forever be in my heart.

$100 Grand, I knew ya when you were the $100,000 Bar. Yes, we go back that far. There simply are no words. I'll smile at you as I pass you by.

Charleston Chew, I used to freeze you and whack you on the counter. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Oh my god, that's funny!!!

I don't think I can top "I used to whack you". Seriously. It's good to end on a funny note anyway. Hahaha, I used to whack you. That's so funny!!! I'm so mature!!!

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About Me

Lauren Swick Jordan is a stay-at-home mom to her amazing boys, TJ and
Peter, and wife to Sean (“The Dreamboat”). Since TJ was diagnosed with
autism at age 2, Lauren’s mission has been to spread autism acceptance
wherever she goes. She blogs at http://lauren-idonthaveajob.blogspot.com. She and her family live in northern Vermont.