If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse
her until he awakens. [an
unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous
others]

Islam is an religion of peace, and honours women.
There are many hadith about the good treatment of women.

Unfortunately some igonarant muslim men think they
can force their wives to have sex with them. They
argue that since it is obligatory for a women to respond to her husbands call to
have sex , they can force their wives to have sex with them if they refuse their
request

This is wrong
and this sort of behaviour has no place in Islam!

Refuting their
weak argument (and explaining the hadith in question):

If something is obligatory to do for a muslim, does
this mean we are allowed to force a muslim to do so, if he/she doesnt perform the
obligated things in Islam.

Like for example, it is obligatory for a muslim to
pray 5 times a day, does this mean we can force and abuse/ torture a muslim to peform his
prayer?

If someone doesnt fast during Ramadan, are we muslims
allowed to force him to do? Of course not. The prophet (swa) never forced anyone to do
something.

We know it is obligatory for a person to follow the
religion of Islam if he/she wants to get to Jannah, so can we (even out of love or mercy)force non-muslims into islam?

2:256 There is no
compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way.
Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he has taken hold of a
support most unfailing, which shall never give way, for God is All Hearing and Knowing.

So Allah swt makes clear that we cannot force others
to our religion. So if we cant force non-muslims to islam (to save them from hell)
then how can it be allowed to force our own brothers and sisters in islam to do certain
religious dutys? Off course we must warn them for committing a sin, and we are obligated
to help them and to forbid them what is wrong, but every person in islam is responsible
for his own deeds, at the end its a persons own choice to decide which thing to do,
as muslims brothers and sisters we have to do all we can to save them from sins or evil
deeds, but we cant force them. Its their own choice which thing to do at the
end. Allah swt will judge us on our intentions, a persons real intention comes only out
when there is free-will and free-choice in religion. Thats why Allah swt allowed free-will
and free-choice in Islam (Allah swt knows best)

So when the prophet said:"If a man invites his wife to sleep with him and she
refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till morning 

Does this mean the husband can force his wive into
sex/marital rape ? Noooooooo!

The wife clearly knows that she is wrong, when she
rejects her husband request (she should fullfil his
sexuel needs). But the husband cant compulse or force his wife into sex/marital
rape. The husband has the right to insist that she should fullfil his right, and the
husband has the right to be angry at her for this (in a proper way), even the husband has
the right to divorce her when she repeatedly refuses his request, however he
still hasnt the right in Islam to force her into sex/marital rape !, if he had
the right to do, then certainly the prophet would mention it, but the prophet didnt.
The reason for this is that forcing someone doesnt belong and doesnt fit in
the peacefull teachings of Islam.

Islam is clear about rules and punishment. For major
sins like fornication , rape,murder and theft
, there are physical punishments. However when it comes to issues like not
performing the 5 daily prayers or not fasting during ramadan or
not fullfilling the sexual needs of ones spouse etc. then a person will
be held responsible for his own deeds on the day of judgement. Allah swt will judge a
person by his own deeds, all the sins committed by the person during his earthly life will
count in his judgement by Allah swt, based on this Allah swt (and not the husband !) will
decide which reward and/or which punishment a person will get.

Further the hadith in question clearly states at the
end: If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and
she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till the
morning.

So no where in the hadith, is the husband giving any
right to force his wife into sex, instead the hadith clearly mentions, that when the
husband spends the night in anger (this is another
proof that makes clear that a husband cant force his wife to have sex, because how
can a husband spend the night in anger sexually depressed, if he had the right and could
force his wive to fullfill his sexuel needs?? This cleary poofs that a muslim husband
doesnt have the right to force his wife into sex with him) , the angels will
curse his wife (with curse is ment: Allah swt wont hear or answer her prayer till the
morning) ,so the punishment for the
wifes sin is clearly mentioned in the hadith, the angels will curse her ( her prayer
wont be heard by Allah swt) , no where does the hadith gives any idea of forcing or
physical punishment.

Secondly:

It is well know that forcing someone to sex in almost
all cases goes together with bringing physcial and/or emotional harm to a person, if a
husband beats/scares his wife to force her to have sex, then he clearly abuses his wife
physical and emotional. In this case the husband will commit a major sin, hes
violating the sunnah of the prophet swa and the law of Allah swt in the Quran:

There shall be no infliction of harm on oneself or
others".(Related by
Al-Daraqutni, Ibn Majah and Ahmad.)

O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women
against their will. Nor should ye treat them
with harshness,that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the
husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have
been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary
live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to
them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of
good (Quran An-nisa 19)

A
muslim husband is forbidden to harm or abuse his wife! He has to act kindly towards his
wife:

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported
Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) as saying: "He who believes
in Allah and the Hereafter, if he witnesses any matter he should talk in good terms about
it or keep quiet. Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and
the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will
break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly
towards women.(Translation
of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3468)"

As we explained before, it is well known that forcing
someone into sex in almost all cases goes together with physical and/or emotional harm,
which is stricty forbidden in Islam.

A
muslim husband should control his anger at his wife. Forcing someone into sex/martial rape
is using anger! A husband should never act this way !

Narrated Abu Huraira: "A man
said to the Prophet , 'Advise me! 'The Prophet said, 'Do not become angry and furious.'
The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said in each case, 'Do
not become angry and furious.'(Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form
(Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 137)"

Narrated Abu Huraira: "Allah's Apostle said, 'The strong is
not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one
who controls himself while in anger.(Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Good Manners and Form
(Al-Adab), Volume 8, Book 73, Number 135)"

In
almost all cases (especially when it comes to sex) forcing someone into sex/marital rape
goes together with: cursing, or using bad words

the
Prophet directed husbands how they should approach their wifes, He said: None of
you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between
you. The Companions exclaimed, What is that messenger? The Prophet
replied, Kisses and (romantic) words!(Reported by Al-Daylami)

It is impossible for a husband who forces his wife to
have sex with him (marital rape) to approach her in this way. How can an angry forcing
husband bring romance (romantic words ,kissing) and love to his wife by forcing her into
sex ?Its obvious that a husband who
forces his wife to have sex with him more resembles a wild animal then a romantic lover,
the prophet clearly directed to the husbands: None of you should fall upon his
wife like an animal

Also:

Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have
mercy on him) reports in his famous Tibb
al-Nabawi that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace)
forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)

Sexual Rights of the Wife

Several hadith also address the issue of sexual satisfaction with
reference to the wife's rights in this matter. The Prophet advised Abdullah bin Amr bin
Al-As (who spent all day fasting and all night in prayer) to fast sometimes and not at
other times; to pray at night and to sleep at night. "Your body has a right over you, your eyes
have a right over you and your wife has a right over you."(Bukhari,
Vol.7, No. 127) The wife's rights include a right to companionship from her
husband and fulfillment of her sexual needs.

Rights of the Husband

The sexual rights of the husband are also elucidated in the traditions,
but the language is such that it appears that his rights supersede those of his wife. For
example, in Bukhari, AbuHuraira reports that the Prophet said, "If a man invites his
wife to sleep with him and she refuses, then the angels send their curses on her till
morning." (Vol. 7, No. 121-2; in Muslim, the text reads that God is displeased with
her until the husband is pleased with her Nos. 3366-68).

Since the husband's urges are so strong, and to prevent him from acting
out on them illicitly, a wife's duty therefore is to submit (but cannot be forced) in
order to preserve the marriage. Yet, human beings are endowed with self control not seen
in any other species, such that we do not act on every instinctual impulse because of some
uncontrollable force. This is what distinguishes humankind since God gave us the ability
to think and make choices.

Therefore, there is no
justification for forcing women to have sex against their will, even in marriage. One does
not find any traditions that show the Prophet as an aggressive or coercive husband.
Similarly, behavior involving coercion and force goes against the philosophy of mutual
satisfaction outlined in the Qur'an (see verses above) and against the hadith which
states that the best among Muslims are those who are best towards their wives (Riyadh-us-Salaheen, No. 278). Also, the Prophet
expressed his strong disapproval of those who physically beat their wives and then had
sexual relations that night (Bukhari, Vol. 7, No. 132, Vol.9, 81-82; see also
Riyadh us-Salaheen, No. 274).

Since we have proven that a husband cant force
his wife into sex ( he has to right to insist or demand,but cannot force his wife, if his wife refuses, her
prayer wont be heard by allah, if a wife repeatedly refuses her husbands request to join
him in bed , then the husband has the right to divorce his wife instead of forcing his
wife to sex , forcing a wife will only bring damage to a marriage relationship between
spouses)

I also wanne point out that Islam is a religion of
free will and free choice, forcing someone contradicts the concept of free-will and
free-choice in Islam

surat Al-Isra', (Verse 15), ,
"Whoever
goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And whoever goes
astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens can bear
anothers burden "

urat Fussilat, (Verse 46), what
can be translated as, "Whosoever does righteous good deed it is for (the
benefit of) his ownself, and whosoever does evil, it is against his ownself, and your Lord
is not at all unjust to (His) slaves."

Finally i like to point out that Allah swt in the
Quran commands just behaviour and a
husband should live with his wife on a footing of kindness and equity ,
forcing a wife into sex /martial rape is clearly a sin and breaks Allahs command
 live with them on a footing of kindness and equity , Allah swt will
punsih the wrongdoers and injust people!

{O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women
against their will. Nor should ye treat them
with harshness,that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the
husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have
been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary
live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to
them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of
good.} ( Quran An-nisa 19)

Allah swt does not stop at warning against
corruption; he also points out the right way. He instructs the Prophet Say: My Lord has commanded you to be just(Quran 7:29), meaning to be fair and
moderate in all matterswithout going into either extreme

Allah swt commands in the Qur'an: "O ye who
believe! Stand out firmly for Allah, as witnesses to fair dealing, and let not the
hatred of others to you make you swerve to wrong and depart from justice. Be just:
that is next to Piety: and fear Allah. For Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do."
[Quran ,Al-Maidah 5:8]

Tafsir Ibn Kathir on this verse:

Justice is Always
Necessary

Allah said,

(and let not the
hatred of some people in (once) stopping you from Al-Masjid Al-Haram (at Makkah) lead you
to transgression (and hostility on your part).) The meaning of this Ayah is apparent, as
it commands: Let not the hatred for some people, who prevented you from reaching the
Sacred House in the year of Hudaybiyyah, make you transgress Allah's Law and commit
injustice against them in retaliation. Rather,
rule as Allah has commanded you, being just with every one. We will explain a
similar Ayah later on,

(And let not the
enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just: that is nearer to piety,)
which commands: do not be driven by your hatred for some people into abandoning justice, for justice is ordained for everyone, in all
situations.

A muslim Husband must be just to his wife (Allah swt commands justice! ), he has to be aware
of the fact that Allah swt will judge him on his behaviour. Therefore a muslim husband who
is just does understand the fact
that his wife not always can be capable
to fullfill his sexuel needs, he cant aspect from his wife to be ready for him 3
times a day, just because he has a need for sex 3 times a day, he has to be aware, that a
women menthal and physical not always can be ready for him to satisfy his sexual needs , a
women is an human being with feelings full of love and deep emotions, shes not a
lunp of flesh for his sexual lusts, in islam a wife is:

This
world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous
woman. (Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab
al-rida', bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.)

A just husband has to be aware of the
fact that his wife not always can be mental and physical capable to fullfill his sexual
needs, therefore Allah swt commands us to be just
in the Quran 7:29. Further the prophet wanted to protect women
against unjust husbands/men who would abuse their rights and ignore their
womens rights (like for example: just treatment
and comfort etc) , thats why he said:

The Prophet said: My Lord, I
place particular importance on the rights of the two weak groups: orphans and women(Narrated by Al-Nasai following Abu Shourayh)

Riyad as
Saliheen, chapter 33 (kindness to orphans, girls, the weak, the very poor .) , Nr. 270.
Abu Shurayh Khuwaylid ibn 'Amr al-Khuza'i said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah
bless him and grant him peace, said, 'O Allah! I consider it a wrong action that the
rights of two weak ones be violated: orphans and women." [an-Nasa'i]

So forcing a
wife into sex /marital rape is clearly forbidden in Islam!

Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah: "Allah's
Apostle said,
'Allah will not be merciful to those who are not merciful to mankind.' (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, ONENESS, UNIQUENESS
OF ALLAH (TAWHEED), Volume 9, Book 93, Number 473)"

The Muslim needs to always be
polite, humble, patient, loving and well mannered when he/she deals with others,
whether they were Muslims or non-Muslims. Allah Almighty certainly doesn't love
those who are offensive and rude to others:

"Allah forbids you not, With regard to those who Fight
you not for (your) Faith Nor drive you out Of your homes, From dealing kindly and justly
With them: For Allah loveth Those who are just(The Noble Quran, 60:8)

If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses, and then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse
her until he awakens. [an
unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous
others]

The hadith in question can only be explained and understood as
followed:

They are garments for you and you are garments for
them. [Quran, 2.187]

It is the nature of garments that they bring comfort, dignity, and keep one from
indecency and harm. This is how each spouse acts, emotionally, physically, and spiritually
for the other.

Part of this is that each spouse is religiously expected to fulfill the sexual needs
of the other, such that their desires are brought into check, and they are able to
stay away from the haram, both major (such as fornication) and lesser (such as
looking at the unlawful, and thinking of the unlawful).

Sexual relations are vital in marriage. One of the scholars said, Couples happy
in bed are happy in their marriage. One of the scholars in Syria said,
The
scholars today generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages
is failed sexual lives. Western studies confirm this.

This is why the Shariah has made
it obligatory for both spouses to fulfill the sexual needs of their spouse in marriage.
This is understood, the scholars say, from the abovementioned Quranic verse
(2:187)

Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) says,

Among
the rulings of marriage is that each spouse is allowed to derive sexual pleasure
from the other. [ Radd al-Muhtar, 3.4]

For example: If
the wife declines his desire to make love with her, he may be psychologically affected and
experience physical ailments related to this (e.g. stimulation excitation, congestion and
sexual suppression due to the lack of ejaculation).

In Islam both husband and wife have the right to
fullfill each others sexual needs (see also page ). In case of the husbands right to
sexual pleasure , he has to remember that:

The husband is expected to
exercise even this right within the Quranic paradigm of love and mercy.

It is in this context we must understand that the
words of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) that, If a man calls
his wife to bed and she refuses, and
then he sleeps angry, the angels shall curse her until he awakens. [an
unquestionably authentic hadith, related by both Bukhari and Muslims, as well as numerous
others]

This is not a call to sexual abuse (or forcing someone into sex);
rather, it is a call to happy marriages where each spouse rushes to fulfill the
rights and desires of the other.

This is the exception, too: scholars explain that particular rulings must be
understood in the context of general rulings, for affirming one matter does not entail
negating another.

Given this, such rights must be understood within the clear
context of the Quranic command to live together in excellence, and
the words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) that,

The most perfect of believers are those most perfect
of character; and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses.
[Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban]

The
best of you are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you with my wives.[Ibn
Hibban]

And of His signs is this: He created for you spouses
from yourselves that ye might find rest
in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo! herein indeed are portents
for folk who reflect. (Quran 30:21)