My name is CJ, and I'm an Erotic Massage Therapist. Now if you don't know what that is - I work in a massage parlor. Ever drive by one of those places with a red neon sign that says "SPA" and wonder what goes on behind those blackened windows? Well I'm gonna tell ya my massage parlor secrets! I'll teach you what a "Happy Ending" is and all the little tricks I use to give one. So just lay back, relax, and let me do my job... And remember - I work for tips.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

An Inconvenient Handjob

Have you guys been following this whole Al Gore sexual assault thing? I usually don't give a shit about politics, but I took an interest to this story out of professional curiosity. I mean, masseuse accusing customer of assault - right up my alley.

Has it happened to me - oh yeah. More times than I care to think about. Luckily I've gotten out of it each time and lived to tell the tale. But I've been following this story, and I heard a discussion about it on the Howard Stern Show last week, and I wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

This story stinks.

I don't want to side against one of my fellow masseuse sisters, but I'll try to be objective. I read her statement on what happened, and what the tabloids think happened. And there are soooo many holes in the story that you guys wouldn't believe it if I said it happened to me. Funny how no one bothered to interview a masseuse to get their take on what might have happened. I know erotic massage, and I know outcall (having done it few times back in my old legit days). So here's my take...

It sounds like a happy ending massage going badly.

From what I've read, it sounds like Mr. Gore had a thing for outcall massage. So much that it might have played a part in his divorce. Now outcall has a bad reputation for being a thinly veiled front for prostitution - mostly because escort services often call themselves "outcall massage." By the way, this practice really pisses off the therapeutic community - but I digress...

Based on what was said and certain code words used, I'm guessing that Al wanted a full service massage, but ended up with a masseuse that only does hand release (like me). When she arrived in the room, apparently Al was all touchy feely - which pretty much indicated he wanted full service. She ended up giving him an "abdominal" massage, which is complete BS, since no one ever says "I've been overdoing it on my stomach crunches - so could you please work my abs? Thanks!"

Now what really clued me in is that during the massage she asked Al if there was "...any area on your body you want massaged..." That line right there is directly out of the speech we give here at The Business. Right before the happy ending, we give newbies the speech, "At this time please indicate any areas on your body that you wish to be massaged." This is the customers cue to point to his crotch. This way it's the customer soliciting us, and there's no miscommunication on what's about to happen next.

There is no need to use that line in a therapeutic massage since we traditionally just start at the shoulders and follow a routine. During the massage, I may ask how it feels and if there's a particular muscle group or spot that's sore, but that's about it. But you would never use those exact words unless you were prepared to wrap your hand around the customers prick.

Sounds like she was trying to focus the story on Al's insistence on full service, and not give away the fact that she gives handjobs. I can't blame her for that. I mean, I wouldn't want to tell the cops that I was in the middle of jerking off the former vice-president of the United States when he asked me to go down on him, and wouldn't take no for an answer. That's the big dilemma working in the sex industry - what protections do you have when you're in the middle of doing something not quite legal?

The 2nd big giveaway is that she charged $540 for a 90 minute session. NO outcall massage costs that much!! More like $140 for the massage and $400 for wearing a rubber nurses outfit while she straps a gag ball in Al's mouth and spanks his ass with a ping-pong paddle. When I read that I was like "Dang!!! I gotta go back to outcall 'cause that's Rent Money."

So that's my take on this whole scandal. Nothing more than a client disappointed for getting only a handjob. Now I've had customers disappointed that I don't do full service. But let me tell ya - they weren't complaining after one of my happy endings!

8 comments:

I hadn't heard about the $540. That is clearly a full-service rate for normal people. Perhaps given the client, she was trying to milk him (yes, a pun). Because even on outcall, a HJ massage is typically less than $200.

I think I helped plant the seed for this story a few posts back with a stab at the veep. Anyway, defintely a full service expectation versus a handjob only result. If she was strictly therapeutic she would have left early. For the going price, she probably included nude with options, but not FS. FS may have been a possibility but she balked once she realized who it was. I've had mixed results with outcall hj's, and even got robbed in the cash-n-dash routine in vegas last week. That's why a reliable local incall like The Business can do so well. You know who and what your getting.

This just convinces me that I'm glad he was never elected president. If he can't negotiate effectively with a masseuse who's all ready for a RNT, how would he have handle a Congress that's full of jerk-offs?

Al is just another example of a once powerful man losing his grip and trying to dominate and control the "little people" around him.

And $540 for a massage? That's 8 hours worth of therapeutic work where I go... Maybe he thought the taxpayers were footing the bill.

I'm over 50, male, with a lot of experience at MPs including legit, erotic and AMPs (bordellos, or 'the good old massage parlor'). I generally do not partake of out call services because of the risk involved. I can be the victim of a grab and go, some variant of the badger game or just a lunatic strung out of dust that will do crazy stuff in my hotel room. I'd sooner go to the AMP.

I don't know what this woman expected, but when her rate is over $500 for a one or two hour massage, she damn well better not have any questions about what's included - which is a full service girl friend experience. Assuming she didn't recognize AlGore for a high powered politico, she should have gone through the mandatory check for cops scenario before stripping and getting to work. Hey, we all know why we're here, right?

If she objected to AlGore, she could have left right away. Which, by the way, has happened to me. The masseuse explained that she was legit, no erotic or personal services were provided, and that was that. No problem - I went somewhere else.

Given AlGore's position there is also every possibility in the world that this is a set up.

Hey CJ! Its me, mh again, I told you of my success story a couple weeks ago and I just wanted to say thanks again for doing this awesome blog. So since then, I've been shopping around at a few different places and I'll have to admit that I've struck out on a couple of them but I was able to find an excellent place to which I'll establish myself as a regular. Keep up the good work!

Al Gore called the wrong ad. He should have called a woman from the Adult Entertainment section of Backpage under Body Rubs for the massage plus the treat as the end. I advertise on Backpage under Body Rubs and have gone to hotels of men staying in town and have given them a treat at the end. Of course it's all for entertainment and not therapy for me and my client knows that. Only Escorts would charge the $540 and not someone who does massages or body rubs. I would have gone to see Al Gore for that price and given him a real happy ending with no complaints. LOL