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February

It has been a while since I’ve written, and some things have change while yet somethings have stayed the same.

Over the last few years of what some may call my adult life, I have learned not to openly discuss much of my own plans and goals, as these things can change a whim. I have seen my fair share of things changing at the last second, and then me being left to do damage control to salvage anything I can. I have learned that lesson wisely. Due to that fact, I want to retract some plans I had mentioned last year.

I mentioned to many that I would be moving to Madrid in the fall of 2010. I was every exited. Unfortunately, it seems like that will not be the case due to obstacles that need to be addressed first. Of course this does not mean that I will not move to Madrid, nor does it mean that it has been delayed…. It has just been put on hiatus until certain things are worked out.

When I arrived back in Los Angeles a few weeks ago, my first goal was to find a job. I have been out of a steady job since the end of August and it has been pretty bleak with the how the job market is adding insult to injury for any hope of finding a job in the music industry. It seems like I hit the ground running because in my first week back I had two lucrative interviews. As of last Monday I have a new job… and while it’s not something that I love and has anything to do with music, it will have to do.

Last year was both my most successful year as an adult but it was also the year I was broken, humbled and taken down a few notches… I had hit rock bottom to the point that I had found work tearing down old recording studios in Simi Valley. I had found a job destroying that which I enjoy doing.

I was down in the dumps with no end in sight… I even went as far to see if I could look for work in Ithaca while in New York for a month. Sadly, I was never able to get in contact with anyone to give the time of day.

So I have been at the lowest point I could possibly be. I was humbled and maybe for the best.

I see it this year will be more of righting wrongs and seeing where I can mend my path. I wish not to discuss much of what is happening because I’ve notice the more I talk about what I want to do the less it happens.

I have a few plans for the future, but as the sight on the horizon, it is vague. As I draw closer, the picture will get sharper.

I understand that might seem very difficult for some to understand, but after seeing so many of my personal goals fail after disclosing them with people too far in advance, I think, that sometimes, it’s just better to keep ones mouth shut.

What I can share is that I am venturing into a territory I have never been before in my personal life and as a musician, as a person with a significant other and even as a geek that I am.

I had to write it so these ideals and new value seem real. Maybe someday I will be able to re-read this entry and see that this was a turning point (or one of many) of life.

What I have learned and keep learning as the time goes by is that no matter how many times I fall… or am tripped, or pushed down, I need to get up and not be afraid to start from the bottom once more. I want something, need something and I need to fight for it, no matter the obstacles, or lack of motivation.