Am I being sabotaged?

I was diagnosed about 3 yrs ago with type 2 diabetes. At the time i weighed 320 lbs. It took me a long time and a lot of self control but I have since dropped to 250lbs. I moved in with my boyfriend a yr ago. He knows how hard it has been for me and says he will do whatever he can to help me. The problem is…he continues to buy ice cream (not just one tub but usually at least 2 different kinds) cannoli's..pastries..cooks lots of pasta..yes he's Italian..but all this is the WORST stuff for me.During the summer months he does grill but thats only 3 months out of the year. He did say once he was afraid if I got down to my ideal weight..one that I'm healthy AND feel good about myself …that I might leave him so thats why the more I think about it the more I feel like he might be sabotaging my progress. I was walking 5 miles everyday but all that was doing was maintaining my weight…I wasn't able to lose any so I got very discouraged and then that leads to depression for me..I feel like its a vicious circle with no opening for me to escape. I guess I don't really expect an answer to this..not sure what I expect but just felt the need to write it down.

11 replies

Congrats on the weight loss!! Was this the foods he kept in his home before you moved in? It could be that he is affraid of your changes and how your relationship may change, or maybe he doesn't mean any harm and thinks he is doing something nice for you since food was an enjoyment before. Maybe leave him a list of foods you will eat and some recipes. You could also try out new recipes together and that is together time:) Then ask him to go for a walk or bike ride after dinner. He might just feel left out and if he needs to drop a few pounds, then all the better.

You may need to sit down and tell him how you feel, but also ask how he is feeling and I'm sure you both will come to a happy conclusion:>

You already know that you need to watch your diet, and so does he. I doubt that he’s actively trying to keep you unhealthy, but the fear he expressed is real in some men’s minds. I’m surprised he said it out loud, but it does happen – the girl gets fit, attracts more attention from other men, and well, you know the rest. Speaking as a guy, as ugly as it is, it is insecurity in many men.

That said, I’m only guessing, but I’d bet he’s got a few pounds to shed as well. If so, maybe you could get him to join you on your diet quest (congrats on your progress so far), that way it shows you’re both committed to each other in a working relationship, and trying to better your selves for each other. Even if he doesn’t need to lose weight, it wouldn’t hurt to adopt a healthier eating habit. If he does, it sort of levels the playing field, the risk that someone may start being attracted to him.

Bottom line though, I’d stress that you not only want to stick to a good diet for your own health, but also because you don’t want to have other health complications that can possibly add stress to the relationship later on. Plus, you might add you want to be healthy and good looking to him for a long, long time.

Almost forgot. Welcome to our little club here! Sorry you qualify to join, but glad you’re here!

Eating patterns are hard to change. It would be wonderful if he could/would support you in this in the way that you want. Also, the situation could be sabotaging your success even if that is not his intent. If this is sabotage, I doubt that it intentional on his part. You don't sound like you think it is either. It sounds more like habit and lack of understanding of the consequences of weight on your diabetes and life expectancy.

If you think he could be wanting you to fail in your weight loss, have some chats about how he would feel about it if you were at your ideal weight. If you two were to explore this together, you might he would be more supportive because he might be less fearful after airing his concerns.

Ultimately, you are responsible for what you eat, but understanding and assistance/support is helpful. You can do it without, but it is harder. I think I'd be tempted to accept a bowl of pasta and eat the filling, leaving the pasta, and when asked why, explain those are the only parts of what he cooked that you can eat and be healthy. Many men are visual/tactile in their information processes. The site of his pasta sitting uneaten might make a visual that would impact him.

Raises an interesting question though, I wonder what the recommendations for a diabetic diet are like in Italy? Maybe you two could do some exploration of this cultural aspect together. Might be a bonding point for you two.

My friend is diabetic and moved to Italy shortly after finding out. She said it was extremely difficult because breads and pastas are so prevalent. But she said Italians LOVE their veggies so she bought a Forman grill and grills squashes, eggplants, mushrooms, etc and eats a lot of nuts, seafood, and fruit and uses extra virgin olive oil. She said once she learned how to look for what she could have and find small mom & pop type restaurants where they were sympathetic to her eating restrictions it was great. She said there is one place she goes that the owners would make an awesome salad for her and other customers thought it looked so good they finally had to put it on the menu. The whole tons of pasta with lots of sauce is more American. He is probably not intentionally trying to derail your eating habits. It will take you being strong and determined to show him. Maybe you need to take over the cooking for awhile. Also let him know that if you loose more weight and feel better, healthier, more self confident to imagine all the fun things you can do together in and out of bed. Good luck.

I am taking your advice and today I am making dinner…chicken breast…roasted cauliflower and fresh fruit…ty all for your comments and encouragement and you all are right that I am responsible for what I eat but will power is soooo hard sometimes…anyway I am …walking…to the store to get what I need and then its time to cook LOL

YEAH!!! You Go Girl!!! You can do this! Reward yourself for meeting little goals (with non food items) like if you lose 5 more pounds you will treat yourself/or give yourself a new pedicure. If you lose 5 lbs or… what ever your goal is- like if you walk 5 days in a row, you will treat yourself to … I made a coupon book for myself. I had my husband and kids give their input. Like if I lost 10 pounds- my kids would do the dishes for a week. If I walked every day for a week, my husband would treat me to a 20 minute foot massage. Be creative but it is VERY important to reward yourself even even if you look in the mirror and say- I am getting healthier and stronger! Watch out world! Good luck!