Top 100 Ugliest Motorcycles - 10 Sportsbikes

1) KTM 1190 RC - It takes a lot in a category as packed with as much grotesquery as Sportsbikes to reach number one, but this KTM truly deserves it. The fairing resembles broken slabs of bakelite that were pop riveted back together; the seat is insufficient for the most anorexic waif; the miserable excuse for a rear fender is a joke; the fuel tank has more angly bumps than any part ever should; the exhaust system peeks out like a salamander from under a rock; and in a sportsbike universe of ugly headlight treatments the Katie's takes the cake. KTM, I salute your bald faced chutzpah in building this expensive pile of manure!

2) Buell Firebolt - Hey, I'm not a complete Buell-hater! I actually had some good things to say about the styling of the BatBuell 1125CR. If you have to have a Dark Knight theme, then I think that bike pulled it off just fine, batwings and all. But there really is no excuse for the Firebolt, which combines the "just ran into a guardrail" engine scrunch with a pokey, droopy dual eyed fairing that would look better on a snow sled. Is there anything at all that's even remotely acceptable in the styling of this bike? No!

3) Ducati Paso - When you first set eyes on this monstrosity, your first reaction is to determine whether this is a bike with a red raincover on it, or if someone actually had the massive bad taste to drown a motorcycle with this much clunky bodywork resembling pop riveted Fisher Price! Unfortunately the latter is the right answer, and the Duck Paso has gone down into motorcycling history as one of the most covered-up and ugly bikes ever made!

4) Suzuki Hayabusa - If the fact that it is probably the most outrageously overpowered and dangerous production motorcycle wasn't enough to make me hate it, Suzuki's so called stylists certainly went the extra mile to max out the DespicaDyno. We've got two, count 'em two, stacked side scoops on the fairing with the top one being compound; an earmuffed front fender; a headlight that seems to ooze like molasses out of its setting; insipid vents around the bizarre turn signals; a cannon ram rod as an exhaust; and a molded "Big Jugs" breast where the pillion seat should go. I wonder if that Japanese character on the fairing means SUCKER!

5) Triumph Street Triple - Decked out in green bodywork to resemble Shrek's Snot Rag, this misbegotten bucket of bolts does absolutely everything wrong in what passes for its styling. The double bug eyed headlight squats under a big plopped pile of ogre mucus, the fuel tank seems to have been pushed back until it's vertical, the side covers are really the fender or are they really the seat base, the headers are a convoluted mess, and it just goes to prove that Triumph's last decent bike was the Bonneville.

6) Kawasaki ZX-14 - Didn't anyone at Kawasaki ever learn that less is more? Could they possibly have junked up this already ugly bike with any more cheap pinstripe flames? What is it with this styling trend that every sportsbike has to look like it's screeching to a halt and leaning forwards? And what is that corrugated red stripe slashing the fairing asunder? If the intent was to make the front of the fairing look like a Virgin Galactic space plane, they missed by a mile, just like the rest of this thoroughly bungled bike.

7) Honda DN - I have to confess I really don't know what this DN is supposed to be. It's got the swoops of a sports bike, but when you look at the ergonomics, it's got the seating position of a cruiser. It's even got some weird sort of footboards, for cryin' out loud. if they made the muffler any bigger they could just hide the whole bike behind it! And is that windshield supposed to deflect even one mosquito? All of the rest that I see is just lumps and bumps and angles that don't add up. I think DN stands for Do Not buy!

8) Honda Fireblade - Although somewhat more "conventionally" styled than the head-scratching DN, there is more than enough ugly sauce to adequately baste on this Fireblade. Why not just stick a shovel blade from the rear of the tank, pad it with a bit of vinyl and call it a seat for two? The fairing sets new standards for bugliness with its counterintuitive vertical orientation, and the huge black shrouding on the undercarriage that nearly swallows up the muffler is just horrific. This is the perfect bike to run over with a steamroller.

9) Suzuki SV - An original dweller of the Top 10 Ugliest List, this aerodynamic snowplow vividly demonstrates everything that is wrong with modern Japanese styling. From the ridiculously upswept two step seat all the way up to its ferret nosed dual headlight front droop, this is one incredibly ugly motorcycle. As I stated before, there is one good looking thing on this bike and it's the engine. So, of course, Suzuki did everything possible to shroud it, including the pointy plough at the front. Can you even tell it's a V-twin? Shame on you Suzuki!

10) BMW K1 - Ok, let's try to disregard the hyperthyroid bumblebee paint job, and try to look around the misshapen giant K1 that doesn't exactly overlap correctly over the front fender. But what the heck is that fender anyway? it looks like someone threw a garbage bag over the front wheel! And what fanatic maniac designed the rear bodywork? Too spindly and see-through under the front seat, and uber flabby on the rest! A complete pile of Teutonic Trash!

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AUTHOR

Hal Licino

8 years agofrom Toronto

Nope there's differences between me and Bill/Jeremy. They're freakin' rich for being abrasive morons, I'm poor and am an abrasive genius. Hey, you wanna call me a god, it's not a term I'd apply to myself as my humility (!) will forbid it, but if you simply have to bestow divinity upon me, I will have to accept it, I guess... :)

As for your opinions, they are as correct and justifiable as the Flat Earth Society's. You couldn't find your butt with both hands and a flashlight, so you now have my divine permission to crawl back under your rock. :)

GPilot

8 years ago

Hal, you are without a doubt the most offensive and small minded person, next to Bill O'Reilly and Jeremy Clarkson, that I have ever encountered. Your narrow-mindedness is on-par with people like neo-Nazis, White Power maniacs and Italian fascists (can't say neo-fascists because fascism never stopped in Italy); your vocabulary is worse than that of a British dockworker and your brutality in expressing your "opinion" is below the level of even the most offensive American teenagers that post their insulting comments on Youtube.

You probably think you're a god and everyone should bow down to your judgement, that is completely subjective and thus not absolute much less dogma, but the only thing you come across is as a pathetic little man, bristling with complexes and insecurities, with hate for anything living. Your hatred of motorcycles (especially of sports-bikes) reveals you as just another in a line of those idiots cage-drivers and truckers who intentionally endanger motorcyclists because you think they have no right to be on the road, that you're the only one with the right to live and to be on the road.

Your excuses for your outbursts of hate are not only ridiculous, but also invalid. the BMW K1 for example was a revolution when it was first designed 30 years ago, under the name Futura. It was meant as a study to determine the future development of motorcycle design. And as one can see BMW engineers were ahead of their time and pretty spot-on in regards to the design.

Hayabusa... here your small-mindedness and un-informed-ness comes to light even more. You hate Busa's headlights, etc., whole looks. Have you ever even read anything about it's development and design? The whole design of the bike, every single millimeter of it's body, hell even the headlight was designed with just one goal in mind: to minimize drag coefficient. Further you slam it's power, yet completely ignore (or more probable: you don't even know about it, cause you obviously slam motorcycles without knowing anything about them) the engine management system: 3-stage system that manages the power delivery with which you can choose how much power you want or how much of it is safe in the conditions you ride.

I'm not a Busa rider or a K1 rider, but I am a rider who felt the need to set you straight.

Either seek a professional help for anger and hate management or just chill out before you get a stroke.

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

I couldn't agree more. It's a typical case of what the heck was Honda smoking when they thought up this aberration?

Shadow Shack

9 years ago

DN-01 --- the DN stands for "Dream New", an homage to the original Dream Type D & E that launched Honda in the 50s.

And I really don't know what to think of the DN either, but if the looks alone don't scare you away, try digesting $15K for a 700cc bike...

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Yeah, let's apply that argument to child molesters. Hey, it would be boring if we could only have sex with adults, so let's go sleep with kids! DUH! I don't think so, dude.

joe

9 years ago

Hayabusa sold over 10 000 units last year which is unheard of for sportbikes. Taste in motorcycles is like flavors of ice cream to each their own. If we all liked the same things the world would be realy boring don't you think?

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

I have NO IDEA what you're talking about. Try English, you'll like it! :)

Ric 2T

9 years ago

Mate, you should pay more attention to the headlights, we all have diferent tastes and we all get passionate with their lovely eyes don't we?

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)

Raúl Vicente

9 years ago

This is hilarious!! I am an owner of a naked SV650, and I'm still laughing my eyeballs out! Very refreshing to read someone bashing the hell out of motorcycles, instead of praising them like gods! Very good indeed!

Comments here that deal with UGLY SPORTSBIKES (not their speed and death rate) can continue.

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

If you ride it on public roads, YES. If you race it on a sanctioned track, no.

A Motorcyclist

9 years ago

So that I understand you correctly, you don't have any stats that say Hayabusa owners are involved in a disproportionate amount of high-speed accidents, and that your basis for calling them "rabid lunatics" is based on the fact the motorcycle produces power in the 160 to 190 hp range?

And by association, the fact that I own a Hayabusa means I'm a "rabid lunatic", and "deserve to have my licence terminated for life"?

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Here is the only stat required: 200 horsepower. Anyone who needs that much power on two wheels on a public highway deserves to have their license terminated for life.

A Motorcyclist

9 years ago

"Hayabusa riders, most of whom are rabid lunatics with a death wish". Can you furnish stats to back up this outlandish claim? Hayabusa owners are no different than other sport bike owners. This blog is nothing more than a subjective opinionfest; I've read nothing here that resembles any form of responsible or informed journalism.

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

It is what it is, dude. :)

Thae Man

9 years ago

Wouldn't the Street Triple fall under the naked category?

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

That's too bad. I've always respected Kiwis. Now I learn that there is a small minority of New Zealanders who are dumb as a rock and blind as well! :)

Mark

9 years ago

www.kiwibiker.co.nz ....

You are a laughing stock = )

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

I'm sure your husband is a wonderful person, and a mature and careful rider. Unfortunately he is in the minority of Hayabusa riders, most of whom are rabid lunatics with a death wish. I don't really mind if they kill themselves by running their Hayas at 180 mph, but my concern is that they are threatening the lives of the innocent motorists around them. Again, your husband is an exception and he is to be commended.

Julianna

9 years agofrom SomeWhere Out There

Hal: My husband has a beautiful bike and he is an older rider, not a young one.He doesn't speed on it, however I do have to agree that many act like a bunch of idiots, the men he rides with are mature adults with families. I don't however think it is an unattractive bike but maybe it is because he has done so much to it, and it doesn't scream hayabusa.:) Or maybe I am very fond of my husband so I don't see it as an unattractive bike.:)

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

There are plenty of ugly Harleys in the Top 100, and they most certainly belong there. That does not detract from the fact that the Hayabusa is hunchbacked, mole-nosed death trap and should be not only banned from all public highways but recycled into roasting pans and anvils! :)

Julianna

9 years agofrom SomeWhere Out There

My husband owns a Hayabusa and it is stretched, chromed , painted and beautiful!! I don't think that the bike is ugly at all. I beleive I have seem some unattractive Harley's out there, but I do declare that since the men love there bike who am I to judge?:)

Maybe you should write an article on the top 100 ugliest Harley's off all time, I am certain that will raise an eyebrow or two.:)

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Sure, simple is good. That's why I'm so flummoxed by the styling excesses of most of these gargoyles!

cgull8m

9 years agofrom North Carolina

They should keep it simple but for some reasons there are enough people who love such bikes.

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Sportsbikes could easily fill a Top 100 Ugliest List just by themselves. Most of them are monstrously misshapen blobs of uglymud!

Custom Volusia

9 years ago

Not sure how the Fireblade made the list. It pretty much follows the same cues as all the bikes that DIDN'T make the list. Same for the Suzi SV. Both look pretty similar to all the other bikes in their classes.

AUTHOR

Hal Licino

9 years agofrom Toronto

Mark on a Max, your link is empty. However, Guzzi has made so many vomitobikes that I could fill a top 100 list just with their aberrations!

juggalo4eva, let me introduce you to a new phenomenon: It's called OPTOMETRY. I heartily suggest you avail yourself of it! :)

juggalo 4 eva

9 years ago

I dont think you know what you are talking about because in my opinion the ducati paso, triumph street triple, honda dn are awesome bikes.

I've seen one of the Katie arrcees in the buglimatic flesh, and I can assure you that it was all I could do to keep from hurling chunks on it. :)

RMc

10 years ago

Amazingly, the Street Triple, RC8 ("1190 RC") and CBR1000RR/Fireblade would all be in my top 10 of most beautiful of currently avalible sport bikes. The RC8, while sharp and tough to judge in print, is absolutely stunning in person.

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