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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Day 1: I think God's trying to tell me something - June 2 2011

Today is Day 1 of my new adventure. Two months ago when I finally decided to take the plunge, I came to the decision through lots of prayer and encouragement from friends and my church family. When I finally let go of the fear, it seemed to be an easy decision in many respects but I haven't lacked days of doubt. Some days the fear and doubt were overwhelming. I never doubted the decision to leave but i definitely doubted my abilities to finally pursue my dreams.

Throughout the last few weeks, I have been encouraged by peoples comments and their amazement at the step of faith I had taken. On a good day, I took it for what it was worth and smiled at the testimony i might be to others. On a bad day, I cowered behind my insecurities afraid to take a step. The last 2 days have been more downs then up as the reality set in. I was really doing this. I couldn't turn back. The pressure to succeed and to succeed quickly was weighing down.

Last night a few of my girl friends came over to celebrate this HUGE step of faith. Their excitement was a beautiful thing to see but deep down, I was shaking with fear. "What will you do tomorrow?" "Are you super excited?" were some of the constant questions I got throughout the day. But I found myself unprepared, unsettled.

BUT Day 1 came and to my surprise it wasn't heavy. It wasn't full of expectations. It wasn't scary. It was just another day. God was so faithful today to remind me of where he has lead me. I would never have made this decision if He hadn't been in the center. I could never have taken a step if i wasn't positive he was the one guiding me. So this morning, being faithful to the desire to make this new adventure just as much about my relationship with Him as it was about my dreams, I took the time to focus on Him first.

I have been using an online devotional to guide my time with God lately and most days are pretty on target with where i am but today was even more so. The title being, "Should I Quit?". My first thought was "Seriously?" but that this wasn't going to be what it seemed and would be a totally different direction then i was going. I was wrong. The devotional was completely geared around taking those God prompted steps, even if they are scary and HUGE.

"What if David had assessed whether or not to face Goliath based on the shadow of his opponent rather than the shadow of the Almighty? (1 Samuel 17)" Stories like this and verses like Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." were all reminders that God had called me here and although i don't have it all figured out, i am pursuing HIS heart and HIS direction. I simply need to trust in his voice. Seeking reassurance over resting in God's promises and love was what i had been pursuing. Reassurance will come in those times if first i am seeking His heart. God isn't a God of "one chance only"s He's a God of redemption, a God of Love. He wants the best possible life for me even if it means stretching, growing, mistakes and failure.

After reading the devotional, i decided to listen to some music to keep me from turning on the TV and the first song held these lyrics."Seconds, hours, so many days, You know what you want but how long can you wait?....And what if my chances were already gone? Started believing that I could be wrong. But you give me one good reason.To fight and never walk away. With every step you climb another mountain. Every breath it's harder to believe. You make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes. To get to that one thing. Just when you think the road is going nowhere. Just when you almost gave up on your dreams. They take you by the hand and show you that you can. There are no boundaries!"

Today is a day of New Beginnings. Tomorrow may bring some fear and even some failures but today I am choosing to focus on the call Jesus made on my life. My knees may get scraped and little bruised but those wounds will heal as I am following the true healer, the true Leader.