Radio Station Bans Mozart’s ‘The Magic Flute’ Because ‘It’s Probably About Dicks’

Just weeks after Cleveland radio station WDOK banned the Christmas song “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” claiming it was inappropriate amid the #MeToo movement, the same station announced it has banned Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s 1791 opera “The Magic Flute” because “it’s probably about dicks.”

The two act Singspiel, which revolves around the prince Tamino who tries to save a princess that has been kidnapped by the high priest Sarastro, is rife with sexual undertones.

“When the piece was written in 1791 it was a different time. Back then, you could slide any phallus-shaped object into the title of your libretto without repercussions,” said Cornelius Rice, one of the station’s hosts. “But in these sensitive times, the mere thought of a magical flute brings to mind a throbbing, silver cock. That’s totally inappropriate for the radio.”

Mozart is rumored to have had many perverse fetishes during his lifetime, and some believe he worked them into his music. Station managers say they tried editing out the flute arrangements to make the piece less phallic, but were unable to do so without ruining the overture.

“We tried everything: oboes, clarinets, bassoons,” said Rice. “But all the best woodwinds look like dicks. What kind of a pervert was this ‘Mozart’ guy, anyway?”

At press time, the station announced it would also be banning Johann Sebastian Bach’s 1723 chorale “Jesu, Joy of a Man’s Desiring” because, in the lyrics, Jesu never explicitly consents to the man’s desiring.