Friday, February 15, 2013

And further more.....

when our children do finally go in to get help, if they could have someone on the other side of the door who is trained in compassion, I would appreciate that. Someone who puts an arm around and leads them in to sit down and talk for a bit...someone who says,

"Come in and sit with me for a bit. Tell me your story. Any parts you want to or all of it. I have time to listen, don't hurry."....and then they listened. Then they ask pertinent questions like, "Once in the program do you have somewhere safe to stay? Somewhere where no one is using drugs or being mean to you? Your parents? Oh great....can we call them right now and set that up? I can help you to make the call if you can't do it on your own."

As treatment is begun it would be understood that this is a *sick* individual....physically and mentally and emotionally broken. Some of it is brought on by their own choices, some of it is a result of the drug use, and some of it is truly a chemical imbalance in their brains.....a brain disorder that is out of their control and not their fault. This young person who walked through their doors will NOT be able to do their program perfectly....but it will be established from the beginning that there will be many chances offered as long as honesty and willingness are still present. "We are here to work with you to show you how to get healthy. We will teach you the tools and you have to use them. Some days will be hard. Some MONTHS will be hard, really really hard, but if you keep coming back, if you keep working with us, we will keep working with you"

Last night at the class they talked about how mental illness is viewed so differently than physical illness....even by the medical professionals. My girl has never been delusional or psychotic due to her mental health issues. She is articulate and able to explain the deep depression and anxiety that cripple her life and make her return again and again to the numbness of drugs. She has not relapsed as far as I know in the recent past so this raving and ranting is not about that. lol Its about how this trip to Monterey showed me that she truly does have emotional/mental issues. Its about learning that the information is out there, but you have to find it and then you have to find a dr who has found it too. Its been 11 years of doing this and we have asked for help so many times I can't remember them all and the bottom line is that we/she has not gotten it. We have always had health insurance. We have good jobs. We are regular people who pay their bills, have car insurance, cars that run, and we walk in put together, can carry on a conversation in a normal manner. Yet, we have been shuffled around, put off, brushed off, minimized, not taken seriously, ignored, given blatantly wrong information, all while our daughter suffered and proceeded to get sicker and sicker. All while we stood by watching and suffering our own pain.

Her own words recently...."They are lucky I'm not more fucking unstable or I would have killed myself already. " While waiting to be "allowed" into the dual dx program.

This should not be in this free country of abundance. And I am not talking about health care legislation....I don't think I am at least. I am talking about educated and compassionate health care workers who take action when you can't do it for yourself. Or who can tell you what to do next and have it be accurate and effective information.

6 comments:

This made me cry. In light of what we are going through I get it. I spent hours and hours on the phone searching for help for B yesterday. Our insurance is not good and limits us so I will pay cash and a lot of it. This will once again put our family in financial turmoil even though we pay almost $1500.00 per month out of our pocket for health care. So I am ranting about our health care but most importantly could I just find someone who will listen to my son and help? I guess that is too much to ask. My son is close to giving up I can't.

Oh Annette - What you've written was so precisely accurate ! I couldn't have explained it any better. And yes - our family is as yours in all those ways you've described -... Yet I feel that we've been on such a roller coaster for so long - and that D hasn't always got the help he's needed - due to a lot of misunderstanding of him - at times. Other times - there have been many good people along the journey,..& D's reaction to them - and poor decisions despite them,...have not helped him progress to where he needs to be. But all that you've mentioned as wishes for our daughters & sons during their struggle - wouldn't it be great to have happen as the norm ? We can only keep praying & dream of it becoming reality.

My friend's mother was just admitted to a hospital for her heart. The heart monitor went off and my friend and her mother sat in the room for over five minutes while the monitor continued to beep. No one came until she went out to get someone, a nurse, who, argued with my friend, saying things like, we're busy, we can see things from here (nurses' station). A long story, but my friend was upset about the lack of compassion, and this was a regular hospital. What you've said about mental issues is even worse. Having dealt with both, I'm not too confident in the medical profession anymore. Very few really care, but you're critized if you get information on your own. I'm just glad that your daughter has had you to fight for her, as you have. I'm also glad she is not more unstable, and that she has hung on, despite the lack of compassion and understanding and skill of the 'professionals' who've been educated to help people in her position.

My 18 year old son is afflicted with anxiety depression/OCD and heroin addiction,he has been inpatient five times in the past year. The longest was 16 days thats all the insurance would pay for. I find these places were unequipped,uncaring and not helpful at all with ongoing follow up care. In other words you're on your own! One Hopitalization was in the psyche ward. He was suicidal they kept him so drugged up on multiple medications, after 9 days they discharged him and did not ever let me know.He left the hospital and showed up at home hours later high and all of his belongings gone.I called the hospitaland they said because he was 18 they did not have to inform me of his discharge! And the fight continues....I'm so lost but I keep fighting for him, I can't give up. Lisa

About Me

My name is Annette and I am the long time married, mom of 4 kids. This blog is about my journey to wholeness. I lived a fear driven life for many years. By God's grace I have been able to, through some very painful circumstances, travel a journey that is leading me out of fear and in to faith. Some of the topics that are near and dear to my heart are relationship with both God and family, recovery, addiction, mental illness, forgiveness, grace, nature, the elderly, learning differences, being fit, end of life care...I could go on and on. This blog is where I will share my heart and process my thoughts as I navigate life one day at a time. You can always reach me at: Lv4gves@comcast.net

The Fam:

The dad: is my husband, the kids dad, the builder of dog kennels, swing sets, and chicken coops. The man who is always faithfully there, supporting us all in everything we set out to do.

Big brother: first born son, an amazing older brother, self taught computer programmer, loves his dogs and nature and his family... an all around great guy.

My girl: my beautiful second child whose struggles birthed my desire to blog. She is smart and articulate, intuitive, and wise in ways that can only be learned through experience.

Molly: my third child, who is the bringer of joy and laughter. She can run like the wind, throws a javelin like the warrior princess that she is, and loves honesty and knowing where she stands in any situation.

Little one: Our last little burst of life in our old age. My calm, peaceful, placid, girl...whose common sense surpasses mine most of the time.

Partnership for a Drug Free America

Family support links

The Serenity Prayer

God,Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the Courage to change the things I canand the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;Enjoying one moment at a time;Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Amen.

The Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is error, truth. Where there is discord, harmony. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light... and where there is sorrow, JOY!

Just For Today

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests : hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.