A (mostly) humorous look at life. No, really. I'm serious.

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You Can’t Be Serious

A while back I was blogging once a month about things I find ridiculous. And let me tell you, I find LOTS of things ridiculous. So I had to give the posts different titles. After all, I couldn’t exactly title them all, Don’t Be Ridiculous. Well, I guess I could. But I didn’t. (Click on the title to read that posting.)

Now don’t get me wrong. You may think I’m shamelessly promoting those past postings, urging you through not-so-subliminal suggestions to click away, thereby increasing my readership. How dare you think that! Would I do that to you? Well friends, as a matter of fact, yes.

Anyway, some of those ridiculous posts, so to speak, are Are You Kidding Me? and That’s Ridiculous, Chapter 4, to name a couple. Hey, I warned you I find the ridiculous in many places. But since I haven’t complained in a while concerning this topic, it’s about time I did again, don’t you think?

My nonprofit, Marin Friends of Ferals, receives regular donations from Pet Food Express (PFE) of cat food, toys, beds, cat trees, etc. They treat nonprofits generously and also carry high quality food. You won’t find Kit & Kaboodle there. Not even close. This place is like the House of Prime Rib vs. everywhere else being McDonald’s.

Sometimes the donated kibble has been previously opened and a note is taped to the bag explaining the return. PFE generously accepts returns, no matter how asinine the excuse. And therein lies the You Can’t Be Serious part.

The notes on the items we’re grateful to receive are laughable. Usually they say, “My cat didn’t like this food.” And if that were the case, you’d think the bag would be nearly full, right? A very astute assumption. But you’d be wrong. Often the bags are nearly empty. In fact, one bag had a measly 1 cup remaining.

I wonder what happened to the rest of that kibble? Did it fall out on the kitchen floor? Did the dog eat it? The hamster? My guess is the cat enjoyed 95% of the Blue Wilderness with chicken before its guardian pocketed the $31.88 refund (including tax). Call me a skeptic…this time you wouldn’t be wrong.

Then how about this one? It literally made me mumble, You Can’t Be Serious. The note says, “Dusty crumbs hard to feed after it gets low.” My first thought was no shit, Sherlock. Doesn’t everybody know the bottom of a bag of any food that crumbles — potato chips, cookies, crackers and yes, kibble — will harbor powdery remnants? Apparently not.

See, I wasn’t lying

And I love the notes on cat trees: “My cat peed on this.” So instead of attempting to remove the pee and urge Fluffy to jump back on, they return it, whereupon Pumpkin’s unsuspecting guardian buys said tree then becomes baffled when she won’t get near it.

Hum…something’s a little rank-smelling here…

And how about obviously used cat trees with a note, “My cat wouldn’t use this.” Seriously? My eyesight is becoming more horrendous by the minute but even I could see the shredded sisal post from 30 feet away. I tell ya, those notes are quite entertaining.

Okay, so this is an exaggeration but you get the idea

Since I’m talking about cats, there was the time I trapped ferals on a cattle ranch and the rancher tells me, “Only catch and sterilize the cats that aren’t black and white.” “What?! Why is that?” I asked. She replied, “I want the black and whites to continue breeding so all the cats will match our Holsteins.” I kid you not. And no, we didn’t honor her request. All the cats were sterilized.

Seriously, people are pieces of work, don’t you think? Present company excepted, of course.