According to Courtney, who dished out her version of the deetz on her one night stand to The Sun, there was a life-size Kung Fu Panda under the stairs. To get some idea of scale, a life size panda stands at about 1 metre tall on all four legs and about 1.5 meters long - but, being based on a cartoon, this black-and-white housemate would have been up on its hind legs. That's tall. That's seriously tall. Imagine finding THAT hidden inside the cupboard of the man attempting to seduce you...

#4 - The egg chair

Like an evil Bond villain, Courtney also alleged that Zayn gave her the look of love whilst sitting across from her in an egg chair:

“I was sat next to the fireplace on the floor in the living room and Zayn was sat in an egg chair."

“He kept giving me these looks across the room, a look I translated as ‘come to bed eyes’. I knew where this was going.”

#3 - The picture of Perrie Edwards

Courtney also went on to claim that Zayn had a picture of girlfriend Perrie Edwards above the bed - meaning she was staring into the Little Mix singer's eyes the entire time they did the deed:

"It wasn’t detailed but had a remarkable likeness. It was weird seeing it above me while I was with Zayn in bed."

Now THAT, if it's true, could be considered sweet; after all, it shows Zayn wanted to stare into his girlfriend's face while she was away on tour. But the fact that his other woman apparently had to look at it while they were doing the dirty is beyond creepy.

#2 - The broken projector

Zayn Malik is an attractive 1/5 of hit boyband One Direction - so why would he have to trick girls into going to bed with him using an outstandingly creepy 'broken projector' ploy?

“It was just me and Zayn. The others had gone to bed.... Funnily enough the projector didn’t work. Whether Zayn did it on purpose I don’t know. He just said, ‘Let’s chill in my room’."

Would Zayn REALLY go to the efforts of secretly sabotaging his home entertainment equipment in order to score a quick fumble between the sheets? Apparently so...

"We sat on his bed and before I could even say anything he started snogging my face off, kissing me passionately. It just snowballed from there."

Oh Zayn.

#1 - The video camera

Courtney Webb has suggested that, rather than learn from the mistakes of celebs like Tulisa and Kim Kardashian, Zayn Malik is desperately attempting to follow in their footsteps when it comes to making amateurish sex tapes:

"He was very selfish and just wanted one thing… Then I noticed a bright light shining in my face. He was trying to film me on his phone. I couldn’t believe it. I immediately stopped and told him to delete it."

Ew. Zayn, say it ain't so?

Of course, there's still the possibility that Courtney Webb's claims are entirely bogus - neither Perrie Edwards' or Zayn Malik's spokesperson has deigned to speak out on the alleged affair as of yet.

However if they DO turn out to be true, then it seems as if Zayn has all the makings of a Hitchcock character... creep-tastic!