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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Halloween 2012: Closing Thoughts

A
holiday that involves a mystifying combination of costuming, baking, crafting, child-supervision/shuttling and gluttony should come with at least one day off.

The
people who write articles about avoiding overindulging by making necklaces and model homes out of Halloween
candy ought to be publicly flogged.Along with people who write articles saying that people should pass
out apples and baby carrots on Halloween.Honestly.

It’s
yet another opportunity to feel like a mom-fail of the highest order as
you look at the kid whose very homemade Halloween costume looks like
something that would make Martha Stewart herself weep with joy.

That
some brilliant person should station herself at major intersections selling
cheap Xanax to parents who will soon be dealing with sheer bedlam when their kids get jacked up on approximately 637 grams of sugar.

The
fact that in a matter of days my kids will have forgotten about their
stash, leaving me to spend my nights in a wine and candy induced stupor, and
ushering in The Winter of the Monstrous Ass, proves that this holiday is really
and truly an instrument of the Devil.

**My thoughts and prayers are with those recovering from Hurricane Sandy. I hope that you were able to stay safe, and that life is slowly but surely returning to normal.

6 comments:

Omg! Brilliant! I'm going to use this comment box as a confessional...1) We check our kids loot. Read: check it to pick out the 'good stuff' we want to eat.2) After checking candy, put less desirable pieces into our own t'o't bowl that is running dangerously low on goods. Pass that stuff right back out the front door!3) After 2 days I tell my kids "oh, it's all gone, you ate it all" when in reality I ate or tossed the remainder of their stash.

Re: people who give out apples: Not only are they missing the whole point of Halloween (the candy!), but they are also giving away something that's going to end up getting thrown in the garbage. I remember my parents would also throw out any candy I got that wasn't wrapped. Apples on Halloween: Good in theory; bad in actuality.

Halloween is simultaneously my favorite and least favorite "holiday". I felt like I was hit by a bus the next day. It was the world's worst hangover without any booze...what's the point, right? Carrots? PUH-LEASE!