Posts Tagged arguments

While researching a premature ejaculation joke, I discovered hundreds of stock photos, all of unhappy couples in bed.

All unhappy couples are not unhappy in their own way. I’ve learned that unhappy couples wear a lot of clothes to bed, and that they sit on opposite sides and hold their heads a lot. Their bedrooms are usually white. The men rest pillows in their laps. They are definitely not having sex.

I hope you’re ready to waste the next two hours by repeatedly refreshing the profile page of an acquaintance from college or distant relative! Are you absolutely positive that this is the path you want your life to take? There are so many other things you could do with that time, and it doesn’t have to be grand or ambitious. You don’t even have to go outside or anything. You could just rewatch Party Down or something. But if you’re truly determined, here are a few tips that may prove helpful:

9. Remember to compare your opponent’s God(s) to any one of the following: Santa Claus, elves, “sky fairies,” Hitler (when is a comparison to Hitler notnecessary?), the current leader of your least favorite political party, pedophiles, Satan.

One of the things steampunks are involved in, is the sexual act called “steaming” or “steam tracking”, in where a female Steampunk (also known as a Victorian Goth) is dilled with multiple mechanical vibrating phallic shaped sex tools (pictured to the left), while on lookers smoke pipes to imitate the smokestack or steam the comes out train’s. The Victorian Goth is sexual mauled until she releases a hellishly forced organism and yells “Mind your guages”, which means “stop it hurts”.

This is, of course, bullshit. And the commenters, wherever they came from, knew it. But they didn’t grasp that the author knew it too. ChristWire is a parody site.