Sean Fuller: Best Of

In honour of recent events, extracts from the upcoming book “Evenings with Sean Fuller” will be released to the public for the first time ever.

On child naming:

I've got an issue I want to raise, **** who give their children really stupid names that are names of objects or places, variations on common names or relatively normal names with really stupid spellings…how could you do that to a child ffs? I don't like children much, but **** that's brutal

On his looks

I look a bit like Ron Barassi

On Murphy paying $40 postage on ebay

****, you can hire a hitman for that

On Murphy

… got the used car dealer smile, slicked back hair, cheap suit and not afraid to make whipping noises

On Jennifer Hawkins

Hawkins – overrated IMO, if she wins the battle I'll smash *****

On laptop hotkeys

hold shift down for too long and the monitor explodes

On Everybody Loves Raymond

dire show, the only character that carried it was the grandfather bloke and even he was a bit forced at times

On people talking about relationships online

"I hate ****s that I hardly know online who talk about their girlfriends and ****, I mean, I don't want to sound like a ****, but unless you're a close mate I don't give a **** about your relationships"

Relating childhood memories

the first primary school I went to in Melbourne was this little place, like 100 students, so we had like 15 in each grade, so we never had a footy team or anything except the any age bracket for grade sixers, anyway, we finally got a soccer team one year and the whole school was really into it, got big messages in the newsletter and all the parents showed up for the first game up 1-0 at half time, and me and this **** Jan come off the bench. Jan kicks off, I run past him seriously about 10 seconds in and I hear this screaming, turn around, and this guy’s tackled him and got a brutal angle basically has him in like a figure four or something and broken his leg really badly in like two places. Couldn't walk for like 6 months hey.

On scars

only scars I have are bullet wounds tbh

On going to the doctors

…my veins are easy as to find, every time I get a needle, the doctor is like "I'll need to find a v... oh, right"

**** you're a ****, it's terrible, put a man through hell to have a chat to you

On his Uni encounters

Was having a chat to a jewish bloke at uni last week actually, Rabbi or something and he said he would pray for my death in the synagogue.

On another CW member

Haha, I love [name withheld], he's such an awesome nutty left-winger, reminds me of my grandparents kinda, traditional leftie, the shut down the factories and burn down the bank kind. 99% of lefties these days are ****, save the human race, think of the children, what about the puppies. [name withheld] is a "**** you" leftie, the sort who blow up pubs.

On protest experiences

I went to that war rally in sydney back in april '04 or whatever, and I was talking to this guy who was like 94, war vet, and he was going on to me about "the only difference between the ****in' yanks today and the ****in' nazis I fought in the ****in' war is that those ****ers wore uniforms". Was the coolest bloke.

On attending the Newcastle waterfront dispute

Saw my first baton charge that day. Good memories. Helped a man find his teeth

On debating on CW

Nobody will take me on these days

On replying that I could take him on

You're nothing Gelman, You can't even hold on to a point for 3 posts, you make one stupid statement, one post defending it and then apologise. I'd slaughter you anyways

On vic_orthdox winning BOTM

he'll smash murphy, then smash Richards then smash brumby or hakon, **** how overrated is Holly Valance? Can't believe she's still going in the hottest women battle I'd vote for anyone in the battle against her. I'd vote for Gelman's mother against her

On Keira Knightley

she's basically skeletal

On Treadmills

I hate treadmills. They're ****ing evil, what's the point ffs? It's not like you can't find a spot to walk.

On some random

he's on my list tbh, going to bite off his ear

On Keira Knightley pt II

if she came to my door now I'd give her a bucket of chicken and send her on her way, tbh

who puts duck in a salad? Seriously. Never seen, heard or eaten duck salad in my life, and I'm a salad fiend, tbh, had everything from chicken caesar salad to cactus salad

On Gelman

Hate Gelman tbh, makes flippant remarks about the deaths of others, I should cut off his head

On Israeli salad

Does it have real Israelis in it?

More school memories

Teacher saw us smoking, we got pulled out of the next class and they wanted to search my bag. I said no. Had a standoff for about 3 hours. Then school finished and I just walked out and went home

On his birthday thread

Concerned that my birthday thread won't match Gelman's tbh. Think I might have to off myself if that's the case. Losing out to Gelman, even in something so insignificant, is dire

On his family

My uncle is the worst alco. Lives on his own, works at a slaughterhouse . Every week on payday he buys two cartons of beer and a bottle of bundy with his groceries and drinks them through the week. On the weekend he goes to his neighbors for a barbeque and drinks his beer. And everyday after work he goes to the pub. He doesn't have a phone at home, so if you want to call him for some reason you ring him at the pub.

On my stance against guns

Not arguing on the side of gun rampages, Gelman? I'm shocked, and your right-wing forefathers would be too. The likes of Richard Nixon, Adolf Hitler, Augusto Pinochet and General Franco. You'll be kicked out of the KKK if you keep that up.

On his weapon of choice

Guns for show, knives for a pro. As they say in the biz.

Replying to being asked to something

I'll chuck you in a cement mixer, is what I'll do.

When asked a question about Cashews

tbh, I'm no expert on nuts more of an armchair fan. I don't live the nut life, so to speak.

On whether I had a pole with an Israeli flag on it in my backyard

All Jewish people do tbh. He also has an American-supplied rocket launcher in case Muslims move in down the block. And a bulldozer

After a few talking for a while

total waste of a ****ing conversation tbh, can't believe I just put myself through that. It's like having an hour long debate with a mental patient, and then realising they actually had no idea what you were talking about the whole time. You feel robbed of time

On Marcia Hines

Australian Idol was giving me blood pressure issues last night I reckon, ****ing me off so much it's so ******* bad. I'd kill Marsha Hines, dead set she's never said anything that had meaning in her life.

On Simon Katich

I'm the only person on the entire site who defends Simon Katich I reckon. He'll go out there and make a run a ball ton and get bashed by 40 people

On sucking lemons

I sucked a lemon earlier. Wasn't bad. Washed it down with a human hand

On music

I don't listen to anything with guitar in it it's too mainstream. I only listen to music made by applying a violin bow to the spokes of a bicycle.

On his early CW days

I was pretty much exactly the same as I am now except nicer

On right wingers

but I don't actually think that all howard supporters are idiots any more than most sane right-wingers actually think that everyone who votes green is pro-terrorist or whatever
but tbh, I think a lot of people are idiots and IMO, people who vote right are more likely to be idiots….by a distance.

On Kim Beazly

he's about my least favourite person in the party he's a **** leader, has ****, blow-in-the-wind politics and no conviction, he steps on ****s to shore up his own career, and is pretty much the leading force in dragging the ALP down

On John Howard

Howard scared people into voting against the ALP, he didn't get people to vote for the Coalition. You like Howard ffs he's the least principled PM this country has ever had. He sways with the wind, he reads polls like the Bible, he'll turn around on any issue from one election to the other and he'll make issues the centre of his entire policy for an election just because the public supports him on it.

Is this CricketWeb's greatest poster in the short history of the forum?

Posts

37,157

My favourite Fuller anecdote:

I knew some people at high school who tried to make a big bong out of a wheelie bin once, by putting it in the swimming pool and going up inside it, like a bucket kinda, upside down so it cuts off all the air and you smoke inside it. It's an idea only a stoned person could think was good. If you think about it for one second you'd realise you'd suffocate. Apparently three went in one freaked out and left and the other two stayed in.