Thursday, June 30, 2011

From Huffington Post:If you were among the lucky people given a Google+ invite, treasure it. Though users were previously allowed to invite friends to try out Google's new social network, the search giant has since removed this option.

"We've shut down invite mechanism for the night. Insane demand. We need to do this carefully, and in a controlled way," said Vic Gundotra, Google's head of social. He announced the shutdown on (ironically) his Google+ profile late Wednesday night.

Google+ launched Tuesday to a small group of users and the service was initially invitation only, with users "tapped" by Google to be among the first given just 15 invitations to hand out to others in their social circle. But then users were given the ability to invite anyone Wednesday night, resulting in a high volume of new users.

Jesus yet again Google proves that there isn't enough room on their nuts for everyone. Goodbye Zuckerberg, hello Google slaughtering Facebook. I want me an invite to this. Who out there has got me a Google+ invite? Hook it up come on.

Alright its been all over the national and local news. Anthony Weiner, the Saratoga Springs Police Chief, it seems like every guy with some public office loves to send picks of his cock to chicks. Look, it is a symptom of the times. People want instant gratification. Wait until after work to bone your lady? No sir, send her a picture of your dick while you whack it in the bathroom during your lunch break. That's healthy.

Look, I'm just saying, even if you are a regular guy, don't send pictures of your dick to chicks. It isn't attractive. Have you ever just looked down at your dick? Not too pretty. Just wait to meet up and bone like normal fucking people did before picture messages. Now, there are a few exceptions.

If she sends you a sexy naked picture, and wants to see your cock in return, who am I to say don't send it? Just understand that like in many other situations, she will have you by the balls.

And then when you get some famous fucking job the girl (probably now a cock-whore) will come out from under a rock and show your cock to Twitter. Just be ready, getting that naked picture can have some consequences, gents. Stick with the actual fucking, that way when your future political career goes down the tubes at least you got some.

From the NY Daily News:Six years after purchasing Myspace for $580 million, News Corp. admitted defeat in its social networking war with Facebook, confirming late Wednesday that it has unloaded the once-hot site for just $35 million to a group that includes Justin Timberlake.

Mad good at business, or something

Way to go JT. Nice buy right there. I bet Myspace has about 10 users right now. What does he think he's going to do with that piece of shit site? Myspace was just the fucking mall-rapist creeper version of Facebook. It did come first, and led the way in the social media era, but why JT, why would you buy a dead site?

Tonight at 11:59 the NBA Collective Bargaining Agreement ends. Today at noon top league officials as well as Derek Fisher, the NFLPA President met in Manhattan to negotiate the new CBA.

Unlike the NFL situation, where billionaires and millionaires are essentially bickering over how to split up all the fucking money the NFL makes; the NBA situation pits different owners' interest against each other and the players.

In the NFL, every single team makes money. Even the Bengals and the Bills make millions upon millions of dollars. In the NBA, the small market team owners are griping about LOSING money. Millions of it per year apparently.

From ESPN:Owners still want a reduction in the players' guarantee of 57 percent of basketball revenues. Players said their latest proposal would have taken them down to 54.3 but say the league's offer would have them down to around 40 percent.

The NBA claims 22 of the 30 teams are losing money. Slicing into the players' salaries would help alleviate financial pressure on small market teams.

Here is why this lockout would be terrible, but I think it will happen.

Too few teams being successful is the main issue. If 22 of 30 teams are losing money, then a lockout would actually save those 22 teams money. The successful teams will probably rally to get a deal done quickly. The Lakers, the Celtics, the Heat; their owners will be yelling for a resolution. But how can the eight guys in the room making money out-vote the 22 losing money?

But look, this last NBA season has finally started to elevate the NBA to the popularity it enjoyed when Michael Jordan was in the league. Unlike the NFL, where fans will watch no matter how long they have to wait; most NBA fans are casual at best. There are certainly a lot of NBA fans, but there are a ton that will just forget about it if this season doesn't happen. It will set the NBA back ten years.

Let's see if Stern has any balls

If David Stern wants to go down as anything but a shmuck of a commissioner, he will drop the hammer and get these negotiations going, and fast. For those of us who actually follow the NBA from September on, this year is going to suck once the NFL season is over. What the fuck do we watch in February? Hockey?

Bottom line is, the NFL owners are all making cash, and the NBA has some owners who are hemorrhaging dough from the jugular. Take care of the fucking loser teams so the season can go on Stern. If I were him I would have locked the room they are negotiating in today until 11:59 and make something happen.

So Nick Swardson and Happy Madison are dropping a comedy about some country bumpkin who becomes a porn star or something. I think it looks awful. I love Nick Swardson but dude, save it for some better movies. And Happy Madison, get your shit together.

So Fear Factor is coming back for an eigth episode run, thank christ Joe Rogan is hosting again to make it interesting.

From the Hollywood Reporter: Joe Rogan is coming back to NBC’s rebooted Fear Factor.The Hollywood Reporter has confirmed that the reality-competition series host will return when the rebooted Fear Factor returns to NBC for its eight-episode run, as first reported by TV Guide.

Joe Rogan is the fucking man, his standup is funny. He is an admitted pothead, and one of two reasons I'll watch Fear Factor whenever it's on. The other reason is middle-aged moms eating live grubs.

Alright I was seriously stuck on a hotty so I dug deep into the past and pulled out a fuckin' bombshell. I mean just watch Penelope play the coked-out crazy bitch wife in Blow and tell me she isn't hot.

Even for an older broad doesn't it just seem lik she could do things to you that you couldn't pronounce? Yeah.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

So the Los Angeles Dodgers are in turmoil. Owner Frank McCourt has decided the team will file for bankruptcy.

From ESPN:Team owner Frank McCourt, upset baseball commissioner Bud Selig rejected a multibillion-dollar TV deal last week, now hopes a federal judge will approve $150 million in financing to be used for daily operations and give him more time to seek a more favorable media contract. A hearing is set for Tuesday at 1:30 p.m. (EDT) in Wilmington, Del.

Look, I was listening to Colin Cowherd talk about this the other day. Mark Cuban has expressed interest in owning a professional baseball team, so if the MLB wants to start competing among pro sports, they should allow some young spit-fire owners in the league. Stop being a granpa's league baseball, at least try to stop.

And if the Dodgers go under, the team could go to auction, so Cuban would get a free crack at owning the team, probably for a reasonable price.

From NBC Sports:A week after his Dallas Mavericks won the NBA Finals, Mark Cuban told TMZ that he’d have interest in the Dodgers, in theory anyway.“If the deal’s right and they’re fixable, then, yeah, I’m very interested,” he said.

Dude, what is not to like about this deal? Swap out a cash-starved loser in McCourt for a super-wealthy, young and most importantly, smart Mark Cuban. All he said was the team he takes needs to be fixable. Pay the players and some of the debts, and boom, you could have an awesome baseball team in LA again.

This is why I dislike baseball. They turn away young, smart people just because they are young. MLB ownership is like an Elks club. You can't join until you are 80, and no one even cares about joining. That's why when a smart young guy comes, you should let him in Selig.

Don't give me this he's a rebel shit. You know what Mark Cuban is? Good at motherfucking business. Let him have a professional baseball team Bud Selig, you tired old grumpy bastard.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Alright, I'm so glad the NBA Draft finally happened so people can stop talking about Jimmer. Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool that a guy from the area is going to play in the NBA, but I'm sick of the speculation.

King Jimmer

There are two camps.

One is a group attached to Jimmer's nuts like fucking starving squirrels. They think Jimmer will ball hard in the NBA and excel. They are smoking something I want.

The second group is the haters. They see Jimmer's flaws and see him getting torn up in the NBA.

Listen people, the truth is probably going to be somewhere in the middle, shocker, I know.

Jimmer is a pure shooter, and when you are a shooter it doesn't matter what level you are at; Jimmer will put the ball in the basket. He is small however, listed at 6'2 I think that could be an inch or two generous. And his defense is questionable. I'm not like these people who say he can't play defense, I just think if he plays point certain point guards in the NBA will rip him up. But he will contribute, he will score. He won't be a star, but he won't warm the bench his entire career either people. Either way it'll be fun to watch. It does suck that he is going to the Sacramento Kings though.

So Ron Artest anounced he is going to try to change his name...to Metta World Peace...

From TMZ:Yes, Ron is going the way of Cassius Clay, Lew Alcindor and Chad Johnson. Ron's filed a petition in L.A. County Superior Court to change his name to -- World Peace.

FYI, metta means loving, kindness, happiness and all that jazz.

We're told Ron wants to put the new last name -- Peace -- on the back of his L.A. Lakers' jersey.

These name changes are typically granted by a judge unless it would result in confusion or fraud.

I love peace dammit!

Ron Artest is always drunk. I stick by it. Why else would the guy who wanted to fight the Pistons AND their fans want to be called world peace? That's like if Mike Tyson wanted to be called "Michael Consent". Just doesn't make sense. And if you are an idiot, Mike Tyson did time for rape.

Yeah, world peace makes sense. I hope the judge denies his claim on the basis of "you're a fucking moron."

Thursday, June 23, 2011

From Screen Junkies:
The trailer for Killer Elite doesn’t offer much in the way of plot. All the viewer really needs to know is that, for reasons you needn’t worry your pretty little head about, people are just beating the shit out of each other. Clive Owen, Robert De Niro, and Jason Statham all take turns dishing out heaping portions of pain. Initially, Owen forces Statham to rescue his friend and mentor, Robert De Niro. After that nugget of info about 15 seconds into the trailer, they stop with the plot revelations altogether.

Jason Statham, De Niro, and Clive Owen; what else do you people need? I just want to see old De Niro kick the fuckin' shit out of some people personally.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Hanging out tripping on salvia with some dude and he just gets up and hops out the window while you are convulsing on the couch like some fucking burnout at a Phish show? Yeah watch from the minute twenty mark and relive the good old days.

From the NY Daily News:Jason Valdez has taken social networking to a new level.

The 36-year-old Utah man held a woman hostage at a motel during a 16-hour overnight standoff with police - all the while updating his status on Facebook to keep his friends and family in the loop.

He even got a tip from a friend who posted on his Facebook wall that a SWAT officer was hiding in the bushes outside the Ogden motel.

"Thank you homie," Valdez wrote Saturday. "Good looking out."

Valdez also audaciously posted photos of his hostage, Veronica, with a tag "Got a cute 'hostage' huh?"Authorities eventually raided the room, at which point Valdez shot himself in the chest with a handgun, police said. He is in critical condition.

His hostage was unharmed.

Dude, what the fuck? This shit is fucked up.Like I would be on Facebook if I was in a standoff with a SWAT team. They'll just creep the shit out of your page and when you post, boom, they kick in the fucking door and put two in your dome. Really fucking smart.

"Cute hostage huh?" Like, yeah dude sweet. Like I wonder if this happened to his friends often. Oh shit look another one of the homies took a hostage! Oh look, she's a hotty! Fucking psychopaths.

This shit goes out to all you photography nerds out there. I like a good picture, but some people looooove that shit. Shout out to Ben Mancino, check out his photography here.

From Huffington Post:Lytro, a Silicon Valley startup, has produced a camera that lets you focus a picture after you take it--over and over again. The camera relies on innovative new technologies that use light fields to create photographs that are manipulable post-shot.

A light field is all the light traveling in every direction in through every part of space present in a scene. Using a light field sensor, the Lytro camera can capture the color, intensity and direction of the light in a photo. That means that users can refocus, and relight a picture after its been taken, using the light information gathered, changing the focal point of the image from foreground to background, and more.

Imagine a photo where you've accidentally blurred out the people and instead highlighted a row of flowers behind their heads. With Lytro, you can fix your mistake days later, with the click of a button. Lytro calls the new pictures "living photos," and uses Flash software to let users click around and adjust the picture to their satisfaction.

The photos can also be viewed in 3D, and unlike conventional cameras, will be much speedier, since users won't have to wait for the autofocus to work before snapping the shot. Founder Ren Ng told The New York Times that he could see people using the site to see pictures in different perspectives on a site like Facebook, for which they are developing an app.

This shit sounds ridiculous. And people who suck at taking pictures like me can cover up our retardation now. Take that fucking photography snobs.

So I must say I hit the hotty out of the fucking park this week. George Clooney and Elisabetta Carnalis joke broke up, and now she is on the market. Hot enough for Clooney and looking for an easy rebound? Yes please.

She's an Italian models, and research indicates she may have posed naked a few times. I'm just saying.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Alright lately I've really been noticing a trend in sports that shows up more and more. We rip down athletes by comparing them to the best players in the history of the game. And frankly it's kind of bumming me out. The first instance which was so fucking obvious is Lebron James.

Lebron:

Lebron James is one of the best basketball players in the world right now. He led the Miami Heat to the NBA Finals only to lose to the Dallas Mavericks. He is sick, and the Heat will win at least a couple championships in the next five years.

But then when the finals came around the talk started. The Michael Jordan comparisons. Michael Jordan is the best NBA player ever. He dominated the game in a way that we will probably never see again. He talked shit on the court, he talked shit in the media. He was the ultimate baller. I hate the shit out of Lebron, but it isn't fair to compare him to Jordan.

The latest victim of our compulsive sports comparing is Rory McIlroy.

No shit he isn't Tiger

McIlroy just raped the US Open. And I mean raped. He ended the tourney with a -16; the next closest player, Jason Day, posted a -8. And cue the Tiger Woods comparisons. Look, Rory is good. He could be the next great golfer. But Tiger was a dominant force, averaging one win in three tournaments at one point in his career. I mean it used to be when ESPN would do a poll on who'll win the Masters the choices would be 1) Tiger 2) Phil Mickelson 3) Everyone else. Will McIlroy ever be dominant enough for that type of shit? I doubt it.

Look, the kid is good. But comparing good current athletes to the best players in their sport EVER is stupid. And it is pretty unique to the sports world. It isn't like I see "127 Hours" and say it sucks because James Franco will never talk like Morgan Freeman. I don't say that Mac Miller blows because he'll never be as good as Eminem. So why does the sports world have to be so critical of every player to the point where they have to be compared to the best ever? Compare them to their competition. Rory McIlroy shat on every golfer who was in the U.S. Open this weekend. Lebron James shits on most NBA teams. Why do we need to reach back in history just to bring down athletes?

How would you like it if at your job you were constantly compared to the best person ever at your job? Don't tell me that shit wouldn't get old. I'm not saying we can't be critical of athletes, but there is a certain point where it gets fucking ridiculous. And we're at it.

The 38-year-old Republican caucus chairman was booked into the Ada County Jail at 4:27 a.m. after police found that he had a blood alcohol content of .15 - almost twice Idaho's legal limit.

Lt. Kody Aldrich said that McGee did not know the owner of the vehicle and it was unclear why he was in the area in the first place.

Senator McGee

Dude our politicians think they own the fucking world. Show pornstars my cock? Sure why not. Get plastered and steal a car? Why the fuck not. Fucking cocksuckers. This guy is only a state senator too. I mean at least the national Senators have some kind of pull, this dude is just a punk ass. I bet he got wasted on tax-payer money too. Fucking hang him.

From TMZ:The West Goshen Township Police Department says officers found Dunn's 2007 Porsche 911 GT3 "off the road and in the woods."

Both Dunn and his passenger "died as a result of injuries sustained in the accident." Cops will release more information on the passenger once officials can positively identify the body.

Cops say "speed may have been a contributing factor to the accident."

An investigation into the crash is ongoing.

As TMZ previously reported, Dunn tweeted a photo of himself drinking with friends hours before the accident.

This is a classic case of live by the sword, die by the sword. When your entire career involves getting shitfaced and doing dumb things for the camera, drunk driving probably doesn't seem too bad.

People on the internet are already talking about Dunn's death being a huge Jackass prank. But cops don't fuck around. If it is a huge prank then kudos to you Jackasses, but I'm thinking Dunn is really dead. It's not like he was a comedy genius, but you gotta love the Jackass crew.

Friday, June 17, 2011

From ESPN:BETHESDA, Md. -- Rory McIlroy backed up his surprising eagle with five straight pars and a birdie to move to 11 under at the U.S. Open, good for an eight-shot lead more than halfway through the second round Friday.

McIlroy holed out from the fairway on No. 8 for an eagle that put him at double digits under par. With four holes left to play, he had still not made a bogey in the tournament.

No player has been better than 9 under through two rounds of the U.S. Open and nobody has led by more than six at the halfway point.McIlroy shot 6-under 65 to open the tournament Thursday. His three-shot lead after the first day was the biggest opening-round cushion at the U.S. Open in 35 years.

McIlroy had hit 29 of 32 greens and even when he missed, it wasn't a problem. He saved par from the bunker on 11 with a 10-foot putt. On No. 14, he increased his lead to eight by hitting his approach to four feet and making the birdie, his ninth of the tournament.

Welcome to the Post-Tiger era of golf. Rory McIlroy is absolutely slaying the field in the U.S. Open and I feel like just because Tiger isn't in the field, about one-tenth of as many people care as if he was in the Tournament. It's too bad because he is jsut in the zone and barely anyone who isn't plugged into sports talk radio all day is going to notice until they maybe catch the highlights on Sports Center.

But for real golf fans who will watch anyway, you have to be loving this. This kid is tearing the fucking course apart like a French hooker.

The new face of the PGA?

And maybe he is the face of a younger, post-Tiger generation of Euro golfers who will kill it. But it just doesn't feel the same. Streaming of the tourney is going on all day here.

Alright I'm not going to beat a dead Weiner. Anthony Weiner has been dragged through the mud for sending pictures of his junk to an ex pornstar. He broke no laws, the only one who should be pissed is his wife. But whatever. Anyway now Hustler wants him.

"This offer is not made in jest," Flynt wrote in a letter via The Huffington Post within hours of Weiner's Brooklyn resignation Thursday.Just to prove it, Flynt offered Weiner a 20% raise on his congressional salary to about $200,000 a year along with medical benefits and relocation costs to California.

The pragmatic Flynt said he believes the randy ex-representative could become an asset for his Beverly Hills-based empire.

"I feel that your unfortunate resignation is a prime example of unfounded political pressure and the hypocrisy that has invaded democracy in Washington D.C.," wrote Flynt, who once offered a $1 million bounty for information about GOP sexual shenanigans.

Ah man, gotta love Larry Flynt. Hef is getting left at the altar by his bombshell finacee, and Flynt is just out there grinding trying to hire people who...could become an asset to Hustler? Whatever, I don't get it either. But if I were Weiner I'd hop on out to California and get myself paid. Big old fuck you to America. Go out in style.

127 Hours stars James Franco. IT is the story of a hiking, biking, mountain climbing dude who gets trapped in a canyon for 127 hours. I went in thinking it would be boring and kind of flat but boy was I wrong. The entire movie only has 20 characters, so I won't lie, be prepared for a lot of James Franco. And the canyon.

The movie takes us through the character's mind as it slowly comes unhinged. We see his mind go from anger to paranoia, to insanity. He flashbacks to parts of his life, which blend together and at times create feelings almost like a few scenes in Requiem for a Dream.

Apparently the guy this story was based on has been all over the cable tv circuit. I hadn't heard of it before. The nerve-racking parts of the movie come when he comes to terms with the fact that he is going to die. I'm not giving away any spoilers, but if you like mind-fucking type stuff, check it out. If you want some light movie for a Friday night, get something else.

From TMZ:The "Jersey Shore" cast has put the screws to MTV for a FIFTH TIME -- negotiating new contracts for an upcoming season back in New Jersey ... and we're told, they locked down their biggest salaries yet.

Plans are already in motion for a fifth season back in Seaside Heights -- but sources connected with the "Jersey" cast tell TMZ ... Pauly D, Snooki, The Situation and the rest of the gang refused to take part without signing new contracts first.

We're told MTV originally planned to shoot the new season under the terms of the Season 4 contracts -- but lawyers for the cast refused ... so MTV drew up new papers.

We're told the majority of the cast has already re-signed for a bump in salary -- not a HUGE raise, but still significant -- and the rest will sign this week.

The cast is scheduled to fly back from Italy on the 23rd -- and start shooting the new season in Jersey on the 26th. 495 Productions has not returned calls, and MTV had no comment.

Sweet jesus. Look what we have done. Millions of teens sitting in front of their televisions to watch morons act like morons has created a monster. Renegotiating contracts every season? Demanding pay bumps from MTV? The Jersey Shore has to go. They are beginning to think they are actually entitled to anything other than free vodka.

They must have good lawyers. I can't imagine them in a meeting with MTV and the producers and the Situation stands up and goes "Uhm like so we aren't doing another season unless we get to see more paper, tha's the Situation." He must have gotten a nice Jewish lawyer to grab the guidos some more cash.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

So the NBA Champion Dallas Maverick's DeShawn Stevenson got picked up by cops Tuesday night for public intoxication.

From ESPN:Stevenson told Dallas TV station KDFW he was in the parking lot looking for his phone after doing some celebrating at a friend's apartment.

"A couple cops came up to me, asked me was I drunk," Stevenson said. "I said no but I had a couple drinks. I guess he talked to somebody else and then he just put me in handcuffs for no reason."He was arrested without incident on a Class C misdemeanor charge, based on the results of a sobriety test, an officer's observations and his statements.

"They felt he was a danger to himself and others," Irving public information officer John Argumaniz said. "Basically, he was intoxicated to a point where [police] didn't feel comfortable letting him walk away or leave. They didn't have any other options at that point."

How bad does Texas suck? Arresting a player for your championship winning hoops team for being drunk in public? What the fuck? No ride home? I don't particularly care, but look people need to act like champions. You think tonight in Boston a Bruin will get picked up for being slammered walking around Boston? No, because the whole city knows how to win. Your team busts their ass and win you a 'chip, you go all out. Let them get wasted, they earned it.
Public intoxication is just a law on the books they can use to get people who are belligerent off the streets. But a hometown hero getting busted just for stumbling around and not knowing where the fuck he is? That is bush-league shit, Texas. Learn how to support your athletes.

So some dude doing time for killing a Brooklyn cab driver claims he was the one who shot Tupac in New York City in 1994. He did not claim to be the gunman who actually killed Tupac in Las Vegas. Police are investigating the claims that dexter Isaac has made.

In a statement posted on AllHipHop.com yesterday, Dexter Isaac apologized for the infamous near-fatal attack and claimed he shot Tupac at the direction of talent agent James "Jimmy Henchman" Rosemond.

Isaac, 46, said he was paid $2,500 for the attempted hit on Nov. 30, 1994, at Quad Studios in Manhattan.

Isaac is in prison for the murder-for-hire of a Brooklyn cabby.

Rosemond's lawyer, Jeffrey Lichtman, trashed Isaac: "He's a convicted killer who was brought back by the US attorney solely to cooperate against Jimmy Rosemond, and wouldn't you know it, he spins this tale."

Tupac -- who was born in East Harlem but made his career in Northern California -- survived the attack, only to be shot dead on Sept. 13, 1996, in Las Vegas.

Who the fuck cares about this shit? This guy is just trying to grab publicity. And not in a smart way. Hey buddy, if you aren't doing life then you might catch another charge for admitting to shooting someone. Fucking moron. Tupac is still dead, nothing is changed.

You know that person who has to do something stupid when they walk at graduation. Everyone has a few of them. This chick thinks she is the fucking shit. All she is is the loser of the week.

There's some humble pie. Who's doing a cool celebratory dance now? I find it weird that the crowd doesn't crack the fuck up. If this shit happened at my high school graduation this girl probably would have had to kill herself for being laughed out of graduation.

Everyone is talking about the realignment of the MLB that has been being kicked around for several years now. Some options include dissolving divisions, like the AL East, and making it just the American League and the National League.

I don't understand why people think something like this would help baseballs popularity. Baseball is boring people, that's the bottom line. In the playoffs it is exciting, but there are hundreds of games before then that no one except die-hard fans give a fuck about. That's what no one is willing to say. To make baseball more popular, you would need to fundamentally change the sport, and that will never happen.

Another thing is baseball has more throwaway teams than any other league. When was the last time you ran into a die hard Padres fan? Astros? Royals? They have too many teams that no one gives a fuck about.

Look at other sports. Basketball, high energy and even with the long season it is just exciting. There is a lot of movement and athleticism going on. Baseball you get the feeling a few of the players on the field are just doing what you are doing; watching. Football, dudes are colliding and scrapping every single down, there isn't a single player standing in the corner of the field with a dip in just jerking off.

Baseball the sport is too boring. Sorry baseball fans but it is the hard truth.

Last night the Bruins finished off the Vancouver Canucks in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. They are the last of the Boston teams to grab a title this decade. Of the sports that fucking matter at least.

This morning I listened to Mike & Mike talk about Boston winning six championships in the last decade. Three for the Pats, two for the Sox, and one each for the Celtics and Bruins. I mean, with the Cup win last night, the Patriots became the team in Boston with the longest drought. Hey New York, when's the last time any of your teams besides the Yankees did anything but suck? I fucking thought so.

This is why I love Boston haters these days. What sport you want to argue about? Chances are the Boston team has smashed yours for the last few years. So fucking suck it haters.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Anthony Bourdain is a pretty famous chef. His show on Travel Channel, No Reservations is popular, he has two memoirs, Medium Rawand Kitchen Confidential. And he has also written several pieces of fiction.

I just picked up his 2002 novel, The Bobby Gold Stories before work Monday, and it was fantastic. It includes all the things that make Bourdain great. Gritty detail but not overdrawn. A story that reads very quickly and includes, drugs, mafioso, and of course, restaurant employees; Bobby Gold Stories is fucking dynamite.

Bobby Gold is an unfortunate, lovable character who the reader follows on an intentionally whirlwind trip through his life. From prison to the New York restaurant/club scene to wannabe made-men, the story has it all. Bourdain's descriptions are concise and clean, like a well-prepared cut of meat. And the product that the reader gets its delicious and precise. If you need a quick summer read and enjoy sex, drugs, and New York City I suggest you pick it up.

It's 9:45. The kitchen closes at 10. You see them come through the door looking as friendly as Mr. Fucking Rodgers asking the hostess for a table for three. It's the first day you are taking tables. Yesterday you trained for twelve hours. You tell the other inside waiter he can split and you'll take care of it. It is Monday night. This will be the third table you've had since dinner started. Who couldn't use some extra scratch?

10:00 The group is comprised of a middle-aged man whose preference is a Grey Goose martini up, with a twist. His wife gets a Pim's Cup. And the last of this damning trio is the frail-looking lisping fairy of a man, brother of the martini.

10:07 After a mind-numbing exchange in which the martini becomes offended on your behalf that a restaurant would spell chowdah as "chouda". The trick was finding out you are from Massachusetts, for the next five minutes he avoids ordering by laying it on thick "I'm from Brooklyn and it offends me, you must be beside yourself!" Yes sir, it was funny three minutes ago, now what fucking temp do you want the lamb burger to be?

Then you get around to taking fairy-boy's entree order. He is allergic to flour, and asks if the "Chouda" has it. Yes say yes, but you can have the kitchen omit it. He is pleased. You run.

After reflecting at the computer, you believe you are dealing with campers. They are the last people in the restaurant.

You grab martini guy another as he works on his salad. At least he's thirsty, you think.

10:25 You drop the entrees. Fairy-boy notices there is bacon in his dish. You explain that yes there is bacon, and on the menu it says bacon is an ingredient. He asks if the bacon has sugar. You say you don't think so. but you'll check anyway. You desperately want to point out that one of the most basic functions of the human body is the use of glucose (sugar) to fuel cells. Instead you ask the chef if the bacon is maple-glazed or any bullshit. He confirms your suspicion, no sugar.

10:26 You tell fairy that there is indeed no sugar in the bacon. "Oh well, then I'll just work around it." You are confused, you thought he would be happy the bacon has no sugar. You run again, giving less and less of a fuck by the minute.

10:45 You clear the dishes of martini and his wife. While doing so you notice the third person (fairy-boy) is eating at the pace of an 85-year-old woman with arthritis. He has in the time it took his companions to finish eaten about one-fifth of his food. You are fucked.

10:50 You make a pass by the table, ensuring everything is okay. No one wants more drinks. At this point it is only you and the bartender in the building along with these three people. Fairy is about a quarter of the way through his food.

10:52 You are standing around when martini heads to the bathroom. "We aren't keeping you are we?" "Not at all," you reply with a forced smile. There are five people in the restaurant. Three are his party, one is you, and one is the bartender; who at this point is sitting at the bar watching SportsCenter on mute and swearing under his breath.

11:03 you finally clear the fairy's plate. No one wants coffee or dessert. You drop the check.

11:31 The bartender decides enough is enough, he turns the volume up on the bar television. You sit to watch SportsCenter with him.

11:47 You and the bartender are swearing loudly now about "cocksuckers" and "motherfuckers". The lounge is far enough away where you can almost yell ancient Hindu curses at them without them hearing you. Almost.

11:52 You decide to try and force their hand. You and the bartender begin to stack chairs and tables on the patio, right outside the window from the triple-douche table. To no avail.

11:57 You wonder why they hate you. You wonder why you wanted the extra money in exchange for staying two extra hours. The bartender wonders why he let the manager leave and said he'd cash you out. You both talk about fantastic murder situations. Maybe you can stage a hold-up to hurry them out. Your feet are throbbing.

12:06 The sky opens up. The sun shines down and the trio stand up. They head to the exit with their "sorry's" and head into the night. You and the bartender have the place locked up in three minutes.

12:10 The table left you $18 on a $90 check. Not bad, if you ignore the fact that they kept the entire restaurant open at least an hour after they ate. Any half-decent, non-Brooklyn asshole would have dropped you $25. You cash out and run as if any second someone will come tap on the glass to be seated and some sick all-night affair will begin involving you cooking, bussing, and bartending for foreigners who ring up a $500 check only to leave you a twenty. You are hallucinating.

12:34 Your head hits the pillow. You sleep quick, you are working lunch tomorrow.

Remember the 90's? When hotties all had huge fake knockers, blonde hair, and fake lips? And the Queen of them all was the one and only VD-infested Pam Anderson. I know I know, now I probably would put her down behind the woodshed to prevent a huge syphilis outbreak, but back in the 90's she was the hotty of hotties.

From Huffington Post:Filling next year's schedule with classes that start at 2pm?According to a recent study, students who have later classes sleep longer than their counterparts that don't, but also drink more and get worse grades.

The study was conducted by two St. Lawrence psychologists who surveyed 253 students about a variety of factors associated with mood, sleep and academic performance.

“Later class start times seemed to change the choices students make: They sleep longer, and they drink more," said Pamela Thacher, co-lead author on the study to Health.com.

In brighter news, the study also found that students on average get the recommended 8 hours of sleep.

Where can I get me some fucking research money? I wonder how much these St. Lawrence idiots needed to come up with "kids who take later classes get drunk more and get lower grades". I could have fucking told you that for fucking free.

And I'm one of them. If I had it my way I would never take a class before 11am. Going to 8am class hungover with 4 hours of sleep is the worst. And good students (AKA nerds) are like "I just want to get classes over with." So they take all early morning fucking classes. Personally there is nothing I want to get over enough to wake up at 6am and spend the next three hours in class. I'd rather be shot.

Anyway the bottom line is, research on college students is a joke. These guys just wrote down their findings and pocketed the cash. Fucking beat my slow ass to the punch. And I'm not happy.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Alright dude gymnasts take shit for being fags or pussies or whatever your homosexual slur of choice happens to be. Guess what, they are pretty fucking crazy. Because sometimes gynmastics go wrong. And then your face meets the mat unexpectedly.

Tell me that guy is a pussy. By the way, crazy reflexes on the spotter, he almost got there in time to put his face between the flipping dude's face and the mat. Too little too late. A for effort though.

In case you haven't heard about Lebron's post-game remarks after the Miami Heat choked in game 6 to Dirk Nowitzki and the Mavs. Here's what fucking idiot PR-retard Lebron had to say. Of course D Wade and butt-buddy Lebron did the press conference together.

Lebron dropped this gem addressing people who hate his fucking guts (me).

Same personal problems bro?

Translation: "I'm still a filthy rich cocksucker and you guys are all poor so go fuck yourselves."

I think Lebron must like to be hated. Why else would he come out with an arrogant-douche "I'm better than you" statement? If this was the NFL Roger Goodell would have Lebron's nuts on a fucking platter. Way to alienate your fans fucker.

It's an unspoken rule in entertainment and sports. The rich celebrity or athlete is admired by the poor nobodies. They make their money off of us. And in return we can say whatever the fuck we want about them. But when you come out and bash the masses for leading shitty lives and shit like that, people don't respond well.

Oh what up douche

All I have to say Lebron is after this shit, more people than ever hate you and want you to fail. I hope you really don't mind being a villain, because in the last year, you've become the biggest one in NBA history. Besides Ron Artest. I hope he never wins a fucking ring and goes down as the biggest flop in NBA history. I used to like D Wade but the fact that he is pals with Bron Bron makes me kind of hate him to.

Friday, June 10, 2011

So the Red Sox mopped up the Yankees last night in a game that went well past 1am. Along with news that fucking fat loser Joba Chamberlain needs Tommy surgery so he's out for the year, it seems dismal for the evil empire this morning.

The Sox are looking pretty fucking good right now. Now I'm not going to shit all over the Yankees like I want to because I know by September the Sox will have fucked up and hanging on to the wild card while the Yankees magically are killing everyone without any pitchers.

I mean with the NBA Finals on I don't know how people could even watch the beginning of this game. But the Sox put up seven runs in the seventh inning to put them over the top.

From ESPN:Only a few thousand fans were left in the ballpark when Boston wrapped up its sixth win in a row overall and beat the Yankees for the seventh straight time. The Red Sox are 8-1 against their longtime rivals this year."It's not how you wanted it to end tonight, it did and you've got to move on," Yankees manager Joe Girardi said.

Big papi not sucking?

I won't rail on the Yankees. If you watched the games, you know the deal. The Sox are 8-1 against the spankees this year, and goddamn it feels good. But it is still June. There is a long way to go to that World Series.

So is this what it is like at the NASCAR track for the last lap? Just like 100,000 fat rednecks yelling their high-pitched wails while flapping their limbs like retarded baby seals? And I think this chick should be happy her hubbies driver won or else you know she'd be getting the belt. You can't scream like that and have your guy beat your husbands without catching the switch. That's how they roll in the dirty wherever-the-fuck they are.

There is a new story at insidehighered.com about Marijuana use on college campuses.

The article talks about all kinds of things and talks to professors at various universities about marijuana use in college. According to the article 5% of college students use marijuana daily, and 20% used it in the last month. Just under half of college students have tried it.

Research has found that student rates of use are highest among white males, particularly in fraternities, in the Northeast and in rural or small towns. The larger the institution, the higher the use, with private colleges just edging out public ones

But what really pisses me off as usual are the reported psychological side-affects of marijuana use.

Despite a largely dismissive cultural attitude about marijuana – perhaps explained in part by adults’ nostalgia for the less-potent pot of their day – according to research cited at the conference, long-term, heavy use of the drug has been linked to panic disorder, psychosis and depression (the latter is not necessarily a result of smoking, but can be worsened by it). Marijuana has also been shown to prompt anxiety disorders, which are becoming more prevalent annually and are the most-reported psychological problems among college students.

Panic disorders? Really? Depression?

Look I think a big part of this is that some people can smoke like chimneys and be fine and excel in school and at work and in life, and some people can't. Same thing with alcohol. Some people can get smashed night after night and get up and go to work or school and be fine. Some people have a six pack of Mike's Hard and have to call in sick.

My point is this. Colleges are liberal institutions on the edge of change because the younger generation attends them. When will we stop lying about the affects of pot use and embrace the fact that there is an illegal drug in this country that, when used, has fewer side affects than two LEGAL substances at least (alcohol and cigarettes).

And when are we going to stop letting dumb people use a substance as an excuse? If you smoke pot, and sit around watching television and skipping class, surprise surprise, you might have memory issues.

But if you are a functional pot smoker, who can still stimulate their brain and learn and remember even while high; why should you be stigmatized as a dead-beat stoner? Smart people can still be smart when they smoke. How come we worry about weed on college campuses when alcohol spawns incidents like Kegs and Eggs at UAlbany and countless other stupid things. I mean didn't the older generation smoke too? So soon they forget the appeal of kicking back after work, lighting up a joint, and just relaxing. Panic attacks my ass.

I leave you with the best line in this entire article:nobody would get high and start a massive fight in a fraternity house

I was thinking about this the other day listening to sports radio. Will Tiger Woods ever win another major? I'm sure he will, but will he ever be what he once was?

Tiger hasn't won a tournament in over a year and a half. He may need more surgery on the knee he has had worked on multiple times already. I used to be one of these people who was pulling for Tiger to be himself again. But now it seems like that ship is about to sail. He has fallen out of the top ten in the Golf Rankings. He is at 15 right now.

I think I can finally admit the Tiger era is over. But golf is way worse off without someone like him to attract sports fan who don't normally care about golf. No more "who will win x tourney? Tiger or the field?" Now Tiger is a peasant in the field with everyone else. And his putter sucks.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Alright so this video is a woman allegedly making a bio video for eHarmony. Real or fake it is fucking hilarious.

Now I don't care if it is fake. It is still pure internet gold.

But the real question this video made me think of was this. Would guys on eHarmony go for this? Like the chick isn't ugly or anything; but bursting into tears and telling herself she can't hug every cat in the world? Count me the fuck out. But I'm sure the desperate dudes on eHarmony would eat this shit up.

Little did not die at the scene, but "still [had] a pulse" when he was rushed to Memorial Hospital. He died shortly afterward.

Who wants to play blow your brains out?

Servers this motherfucker right. Oh boo hoo I'm depressed and drunk, so I'm going to shoot my poor defenseless dog. Well fucker, looks like karma was shining down on your backyard, and fucked you in the ass. Honestly I'm glad he lost and not the dog. That's fucked up bro.

So apparently rapper Flo Rida got busted driving a $1.7 million Bugatti with a BAC of twice the legal limit.

From TMZ:Law enforcement sources say ... 31-year-old Flo Rida was driving around in his red and black 2008 Bugatti -- valued around $1.7 million -- when cops observed the rapper swerving in his lane and pulled him over around 3:30 AM.

During the stop, cops detected the odor of alcohol -- so Flo was given a field sobriety test ... and didn't perform very well.

Flo -- real name Tramar Dillard -- was arrested on suspicion of DUI and taken to a nearby station where he is currently being booked.

Apparently pedestrians were offering to give Flo Rida a ride home, but officers would have none of it. Especially when they found out that his license is suspended.

Millionaires make me laugh. You can afford a multi-million dollar car, but you can't get a fucking driver after you've been drinking? Really man? Come on. As far as I'm concerned, if you can afford a cab and you drive drunk, you are a moron. If you can afford a personal limo and driver and get pulled over driving drunk, you are just a fucking rich idiot.

I know that ESPN is ridiculous. They need to fill 24/7 of programming about sports. But I think that ESPN is ruining the finals, at least for me, this year.

Every game there is another weak story to occupy the radio and TV. But how come no one is just coming out saying that this year's finals have been awesome so far? Close games nearly every single game. Always down to the last two points. It is awesome.

But instead we here every other day about Lebron's legacy, Dirk needing a ring to validate his career, D Wade needing to hit his free-throws.

Can't we just step back and be fans again? The NBA Finals isn't always this close and I for one am done with the bullshit stories and I'm just going to enjoy the last few games of basketball until fall.

I mean the defense we are seeing is kind of outrageous. Between Dirk, D Wade, and Lebron three of the purest NBA scorers are in these finals but the scores are still staying low. Sometimes it's because the offense is suspect; but mostly we are seeing awesome championship defense from both teams. I love it.