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Heroes Volume Five, Episode Five: Hysterical Blindness

Hey, you guys, I don’t know if anyone’s noticed this, but this show is terrible!

Angela drops by Peter’s apartment and asks if he’s seen Nathan. Peter gets huffy when she zones out on his usual babble about how he just wants to help people. When she tries to turn the conversation back to Nathan’s disappearance, Peter huffs, “Could we just focus on me for a second, mom?” Peter? Hon? You’re not exactly attention-deprived. Remember the second episode of this series when Angela confidentially told you that you were always her favorite child? Maybe you could spare some concern for your missing brother, okay? Anyway, Peter leaves for work, but Angela decides to hang out in his apartment for a while longer. This season is… weird. The energy is all wrong, and none of the characters seem to like each other anymore. Which makes sense, because no one is very likeable anymore, but it’s still distressing and sad.(This review got kind of long, so I'm cutting a paragraph here, which is where I originally discussed the scene where Emma talks with her doctor/mother, Louise Fletcher, and how they ham-fistedly worked in the episode title, and how there were vague allusions to Emma's tragic past. Nobody minds that it's gone, right?)

Emma wanders around the city, seeing all the noises as light. She stumbles into the path of a bus and is rescued by Peter. The music clues us in that Something Momentous has just happened, but... it’s just Peter and Emma. Peter, bless him, still hasn’t figured out that Emma is deaf. He talks to her and seems mildly affronted when she ignores him. After she leaves, Peter realizes he no longer has Edgar’s super-speed. He’s been using Edgar’s powers, right? He took them, didn’t he? Am I remembering that right? The details have kind of slipped out of my brain, but I’m pretty sure he’s no longer using that other guy’s powers. You know who I’m talking about. That Indian fellow who used to be on this show. The one with all the hair and the beautiful eyes and the cheekbones and the legs that went on forever…

Sigh.

Anyway, sure enough, Peter has Emma’s powers now. At the hospital, he comes across a bunch of kids singing the theme song to The Greatest American Hero. He sees the music as colorful lights, and then he’s off in his very own Skittles commercial with Emma, tasting the rainbow of fruit flavors. Peter tries to talk to Emma about how groovy it all is, and it finally -- finally, finally -- dawns on him that she can’t, like, hear him. He tells her about the existence of super-powers, and they sit down and play the random hospital waiting room piano together for eighty million years, and it dawns on me that I hate this show. I do, I really do. This is the episode where malingering frustration turned to unfocused, free-form contempt. Peter asks Emma out to lunch, but she flees in distress.

Later, when Peter returns to his apartment, he’s surprised by the arrival of Hiro, who teleports in and collapses.

(During a commercial break, we see a short film Milo Ventimiglia directed for something called the Liberty Mutual Responsibility Project. Milo introduces it by talking about how he once got a ticket for putting a quarter into someone else’s parking meter, and I know it’s just the awful sourness of Heroes sucking me into the Bog of Eternal Despair, because under normal circumstances I think Milo V. is a swell little guy, but I call bullshit. Anyway, Milo’s short film stars Masi Oka as a guy who just tries to do nice things -- he puts a quarter in someone else’s parking meter! And gets ticketed for it! -- and eventually gets the phone number of a hot chick for his pains. The End.)

At the Sullivan Brothers carnival, the assembled carnival folk sit around a table and share a big folksy, homey breakfast while Samuel yammers on about his brother Joseph’s death and how they’re now a broken circle, but that there are a bunch of lost lambs who will be joining their fold who need love and family, yadda yadda. In reference to Joseph’s empty chair, he says that by the end of the day, they’ll have a full table again. The others look tolerant of this idea, but not quite as hyper-thrilled about it.

Later, Samuel plays around in the dirt (this seems to be his power, dirt-manipulating, which handily explains the sinkhole he caused, but is less handy at explaining how he could threaten to strangle Edgar with tattoo ink a few episodes back. Ink, to state the obvious, is not dirt) and chats with Lydia. Lydia wants to know who the new arrival will be, but Samuel is cagey.

Meanwhile, at the fictional Arlington University in Arlington -- hey, did we know Claire was going to “Arlington University”, or did they decide on a name just for this episode? -- a cute girl named Becky approaches Claire and Gretchen. Becky, who is played by Tessa Thompson, formerly of Veronica Mars, wants Claire to rush her sorority, Psi Alpha Chi. Becky invites Claire to drop by the sorority house for an introductory meeting. Claire thinks it’s a great idea. Gretchen isn’t so keen on it, but Claire browbeats her into going along.

Anyway, there’s a montage of Claire chatting with the sorority girls during the house meeting. Wasn't this show originally about people saving the world or something? Gretchen and Claire fit in just fine at the sorority house. Bizarrely, the members describe Gretchen as “edgy.” They’re being ironic, right? The writers don’t really think Gretchen is edgy, right?

Later, Gretchen and Claire get dressed for a sorority mixer. A book falls off a shelf, which turns Gretchen’s computer on. Claire snoops and sees that Gretchen has been looking at articles about the murder in Odessa and Annie’s suicide. Claire decides Gretchen is kind of creepy. At the sorority mixer, Claire has a chat with another former cheerleader about how cheerleading is pointless and boring. As opposed to rushing a sorority. Or watching Heroes. Anyway, their conversation is interrupted when Claire almost gets impaled by a falling banner. She looks up and sees Gretchen.

Back at the dorm room, post-mixer, Claire accuses Gretchen of plotting against her. Claire goes off on her “All I wanted was a normal life!” shtick again, and I swear they’re just cutting-and-pasting together scenes from earlier scripts. Gretchen kisses Claire and tells her she has a crush on her.

Back at the carnival, Becky drops by to talk to Samuel. Becky, it turns out, can become invisible. We see flashbacks of Becky dropping the banner on Claire, dropping the book so Gretchen’s computer would turn on, and pushing Annie out the window, all as part of a crafty scheme to make Claire run off and join the carnival. Or something.

Somewhere outside Baltimore, Sylar crawls out of the grave. Still wearing Nathan’s bloody, bullet-riddled clothes, he staggers down the road. A police car pulls over, and Officer Ernie Hudson places him under arrest. At the police station, Officer Ernie talks with Dr. Gibson, police psychiatric consultant, who tells him that Sylar has severe amnesia. There’s a lot of pretty objectionable stuff here, with amnesiac Sylar seeing the beauty and wonder in the world because he’s got such a kind soul, but honestly, I’ve used up my supply of righteous indignation on this show, so I’m going to let it slide. Officer Ernie figures out Sylar is Gabriel Gray and accuses him of murdering his mother. Sylar uses his telekinesis to throw Ernie through a window, then steals Dr. Gibson’s car and takes off. Officer Ernie arrives and riddles Sylar with bullets, which fails to slow him down. Sylar runs until he sees the entrance to the carnival, lights blazing, with Samuel beckoning him to join the fun. When the police catch up, Sylar has vanished, taking the carnival with him.

Samuel tells Sylar he’ll be safe here. And if you guess that Sylar then asks, “Where exactly is here?” and that Samuel replies, “Home,” you win a cookie.

Writer. Publisher and owner of Luft Books. An Angeleno adrift in New York City, I've got a BFA in screenwriting from USC's film school, a fiendish love of pop culture, and a Duran Duran lyric for every occasion. Reach me on Twitter or at me_richter(at)yahoo(dot)com.

- Peter degressed from choosing powers at will to accidentally picking them up. Probably he'll never learn to properly control his ability.

- Powers shown in this episode made me miss Luke & Claude. The end reminded of Candice.

- Enough "magical moments" with Emma. Still no real character development from Lydia. I wonder if bright blond hair are supposed to mean vivid personalities on the show (Elle, Daphne), and dull blond hair reflect the opposite. Or if the writers are intentionally preparing us for not caring about these two new female characters too much when something bad happens.

- "Claire isolation" plan is strange. By killing people around her/hurting her the Carnival risks provoking HRG, and judging by how an image of him alarmed Samuel in the previous episode, they don't want a confrontation. Still no information on Samuel's plans, compasses, reasons of tension between him and Edgar. Time to get main plot moving, a quarter of the season has already passed.

"This season is… weird. The energy is all wrong, and none of the characters seem to like each other anymore. Which makes sense, because no one is very likeable anymore, but it’s still distressing and sad."

So true :( Come to think of it, I find really likable only three characters: Sandra, Micah, Mohinder.

In terms of camera work, I'm not fond of long close-ups. It kind of makes already slow scenes even slower.

On a random note: I've found out the Ramones have a song "Somebody put something in my drink". Zane's Ramones t-shirt amuses me twice as much now :)

And once again your feelings on an episode of this show pretty much reflect mine.

This season is… weird. The energy is all wrong, and none of the characters seem to like each other anymore.

Yes! I had the exact same reaction during that scene. I kept thinking, “Neither of them wants to be here…on this show.” I felt like I was watching two people do a line reading while not really caring about what was being said and/or the motivations behind it. Not that I blame them, but still…

I know Peter is not supposed to be a brainiac, but I despise how the show has dumbed him down (along with Mohinder…when the show remembers he’s supposed to exist) just to move a story along. It took Emma actually signing for him to even fathom the idea of her being deaf. Seriously?

Also has this show made a decision about how Peter’s ability is currently working? I’ve had discussions with co-workers in which we can’t figure out if it’s still passive (he just takes up a new one accidentally while simultaneously losing the one he had) or if he actively has to want to use/take a power…Something happened in last week’s episode that I can’t remember that prompted the discussion.

Bizarrely, the members describe Gretchen as “edgy.” They’re being ironic, right? The writers don’t really think Gretchen is edgy, right?

Sadly, methinks the writers DO think that Gretchen is edgy. I was expecting the more clichéd (but far more appropriate), “Gretchen is…interesting.” On that note, there is nothing interesting to me about Claire’s storyline. Talk about a non-plot eating way too much of this show’s time. I get the idea of wanting to show these powered people in regular lives but the approach is so boring now. In the first season I found the stories far more compelling. As for the girl-on-girl kiss I like that in the context of it happening it was played as one-sided but I’m not sure where the show is going to go with this.

I have a question about Becky’s power. We know she can become invisible but can she also transport herself? Where is the carnival in relation to the university?

I have another question regarding Officer Ernie (or as I prefer to refer to him, Warden Glynn). When he confronts Sylar about killing his mother he says something about how he’s going to find out how he did it blahblahblah…but if he knows Virginia is dead, wouldn’t he know she was stabbed in the chest? I’m confused…did I tune out for a minute and actually miss what was being said?

I’m gearing up for mucho badness with the Sylar/Carnival storyline. I actually still like the carnival folks and dig the heavy tension that exists amongst them, but I worry Sylar’s introduction will mess with that (and not in a good way). I’m trying not to roll my eyes at some vague spoilers I’ve read that will probably happen.

I’m glad you found a way to work Mohinder into the show with those photos! I also can’t believe that TPTB think that what they’ve got going on the show right now is good versus anything that would have happened with Mohinder. I hope that when Mohinder finally does show up he gets a story where he can get the hell off this show.

Excellent points, averys! And I've been humming the Ramones all morning ("That just stinks! Feels like...")

Hmm, I assume that Samuel brews up his on batch of 'earth ink' to use on Lydia. Soil and charcoal and whatnot. Still, it would have been so much easier (but less cool) to threaten Edgar with a suddenly-appearing bottomless pit.

Also, wouldn't Peter have Samuel's power (hand-to-hand transfer of the compass) instead of Edgar or Mohinder's power? And why does he flip-flop between accidentally absorbing powers and blocking powers? (sigh. I know. I know.)

Good to see Jackie from Veronica Mars show up, but dang! That's a multi-story character arc in just one episode (head of sorority! likes Claire! turns invisible! related to Samuel! killed Claire's roommate! frames Gretchen!)

Loved your review, Morgan, and I still get a chuckle over the "Where's Mohinder?" picture (I got a sneak-preview last night).

What with the one-two punch of this and last week's "Acceptance", I'm hanging in there by a hair with this blasted show.

Hopefully this means my final theory comes true, too... :o

Heh. Dare I ask, Anna?

Peter degressed from choosing powers at will to accidentally picking them up. Probably he'll never learn to properly control his ability.

It's ridiculous, isn't it? As Ingrid points out downthread, if Peter is once again absorbing the powers of anyone he touches instead of choosing them at will, he should have had Samuel's power at the start of the episode, not Edgar's. It bugs me how the show doesn't even try to have a consistent explanation for things.

Enough "magical moments" with Emma.

Yes! As much as I find Claire's plotline tedious (and I do indeed find it plenty tedious), it's the Emma-Peter plotline which drags things to a standstill.

Where is the carnival in relation to the university?

Good question. Officer Ernie is part of the Baltimore police department, and Claire's totally made-up university is in Arlington, Virginia. WikiAnswers tells me that it's only 45 miles from Arlington to Baltimore, so... that's workable. At least they're pretty consistently sticking to the DC area.

I’m trying not to roll my eyes at some vague spoilers I’ve read that will probably happen.

I think I've read the same vague spoilers, and have been rolling my eyes in much the same way. Yes, indeedy, we've got a whole lot more to look forward to this season.

"Somebody Put Something in My Drink" is an outstanding Ramones song, and if you don't mind, averys, I'm going to adopt it as the official Sylar/Mohinder anthem ("Blurred vision and dirty thoughts...").

I also can’t believe that TPTB think that what they’ve got going on the show right now is good versus anything that would have happened with Mohinder

Yes. It was while I was watching the montage of Claire's "speed dating" at the sorority meet-and-greet that I really started getting my nose out of joint on the whole Mohinder issue. Seriously, there's time to devote to this kind of crap filler, but no time to work in a cool Mohinder plotline?

I still get a chuckle over the "Where's Mohinder?" picture

Thank you. I was pleased with myself for that one. I'm using it as my desktop background. I find all the Mohinders vaguely soothing.

As Ingrid points out downthread, if Peter is once again absorbing the powers of anyone he touches instead of choosing them at will, he should have had Samuel's power at the start of the episode, not Edgar's. It bugs me how the show doesn't even try to have a consistent explanation for things.

I fanwank the following: Peter copies an ability at will when he concentrates (can even take the exact one he needs from a person with multiple abilities, like he did with shapeshifting). But if he is distracted or upset (which was the case after the talk with Angela, I think), an involuntary switch may happen. Peter is emo, so we might be in for a joy ride. Stop touching strangers, Peter!

"Somebody Put Something in My Drink" is an outstanding Ramones song, and if you don't mind, averys, I'm going to adopt it as the official Sylar/Mohinder anthem ("Blurred vision and dirty thoughts...").

Actually, I first heard it played by Children of Bodom (being a metal band, they did a heavy version of it). Whatever the version, this song is awesome as a Mylar hymn :)

Seriously, there's time to devote to this kind of crap filler, but no time to work in a cool Mohinder plotline?

Amount of "crap fillers" is my biggest problem with this season. GG twittered that the scripts were tight like never before with only 19 episodes to run, but I get a completely opposite impression so far.

I'm astonished at the amount of filler. I know they wanted to do smaller stories, and I fully support the idea of getting to know the characters in more depth... but that's not what's happening here. Claire's college scenes are not interesting, not original, and not well-written, and they don't tell us anything new about Claire. I'm shocked at the amount of screentime that's been sucked up by showing Claire doing nothing in particular. We've all seen college-orientation/sorority-rush plotlines a thousand different times in a thousand different movies and a thousand different television shows. Heroes is serving up moldy leftovers.

GG twittered that the scripts were tight like never before with only 19 episodes to run, but I get a completely opposite impression so far.

Oh, Grunberg. You're right, these are some of the loosest and sloppiest scripts in the show's history. And it's so, so slow-moving and belabored. It's a chore to watch. You know what's weird? NBC mailed out screener copies of the episode in advance to a bunch of websites in an attempt to drum up buzz about the season, which means someone somewhere thought this was a strong episode.

A strong episode? Uh-oh. IMO, "Ink" is the best one for now, "Acceptance" is the worst. This episode was slightly better than "Acceptance".How they thought it could generate some positive buzz is beyond me :O

You know what's weird? NBC mailed out screener copies of the episode in advance to a bunch of websites in an attempt to drum up buzz about the season, which means someone somewhere thought this was a strong episode.

I think it is because this is the epsode with the lesbian kiss. They have obviously been considering it the highlight of the season. It was in the promo, it has been discussed in countless Hayden Panettiere interviews now. This is the only episode where they sent out screener copies, where they released sneak peek clips and it all centered around that kiss.

... I don't know why. It seems dumb to pretend your show's high point is a girl-on-girl peck in your 4th episode. Why come back to the fifth episode?

Also

Heh. Dare I ask, Anna?

You probably do, you seem to have reached the point. But would that count as a spoiler? I'm not sure myself, it's more like a worst-case scenario interpretation of Twitter and interview snippets... XD

Superb opening sentence for the recap! I do like my stylish opening sentences.

Listened to the Ramones 'Somebody Put Something In My Drink' on YouTube while reading the comments. Not too sorry to have missed this car-crash of an episode although I share Dan's curiosity in the opening post about the one, possibly redeeming part of it.

Moving along, was intrigued by what Morgan said about screener copies of the episode being sent in advance to ceratin websites. Why isn't this website being sent screener copies? We would be a lot nicer to the show if they were nicer to us.

All I have to say is thank goodness for this blog. Reading everyone's opinion makes me feel less disconnected than reading the posts over at other sites. There are definitely those who feel this was the tightest, strongest episode of the season -- to which I scratch my head.

Like Morgan said, I can appreciate focusing on small stories but if there's no exploration of the characters in those stories then why would I get invested? I don't feel like we're getting anything more out of Claire at university/rushing a sorority.

Agreed. "Ink" had a bad Claire plot, but the Sylar-Matt scenes and the Samuel-Peter scenes were pretty effective. At that point, I got optimistic that the season might actually go someplace interesting. These last two episodes have pretty much squashed that idea.

This is the only episode where they sent out screener copies, where they released sneak peek clips and it all centered around that kiss.

And the kiss was... okay. If I'm feeling charitable, I'll say it wasn't a bad moment for either Gretchen or Claire, but, like levitatethis mentioned, where's it going to go from here? I'm absolutely fine with sensationalism as a shameless ratings ploy, and if this had been teased as the episode where, say, Mohinder and Peter swap spit, it would have had my undivided attention, even if it made no damn sense from a story perspective. But I think they're widely overestimating the Claire-Gretchen appeal, and overestimating how invested viewers feel in Claire's plotline, and overestimating the potential impact of that tepid, pallid little peck on the lips. If they're pinning hopes on that to spark fresh viewer interest... they're out of luck.

I'm not sure myself, it's more like a worst-case scenario interpretation of Twitter and interview snippets...

Uh oh. I'll hold off, then. I haven't been following spoilers, mostly because I can't bring myself to care that much about this season, but at the same time I don't want to hear anything that will make me lose more faith in the show. I'm clinging to fading hopes here.

Why isn't this website being sent screener copies?

I groused about that very fact to Ingrid yesterday, and she kindly reassured me that if they had a Mohinder-heavy episode they wanted to promote, Preppies would be at the top of their list. With this episode, they would have wasted postage on me.

I can appreciate focusing on small stories but if there's no exploration of the characters in those stories then why would I get invested?

The show is missing the whole point about doing smaller stories. As the series goes along, I feel like I've learned less and less about the characters (it doesn't help that so much of what we learned about them early on has been flatly contradicted by later episodes). I once remarked that the characters are ships passing in the night, and that seems especially true this season: we have all these long, talky scenes, but no one is really interacting. It's not pleasant to watch.

Some super-heroics would be awesome, from anyone. Oh, sure, Peter was kind of going down that path, but now he's been derailed by the Rainbow of Fruit Flavor. (Question for the non-US commenters: do the Skittles(TM) references work, or is it like when Dan goes on about utes and singlets and sultanas in his Smallville Files and all the American readers stare blankly?) I think we're going to see less rescuing and more romancing from Peter for the rest of the season.

As a Canadian I can tell you that the Skittles references not only work but crack me up each time. It's not like me mentioning Coffee Crisp ("You like your coffee crisp?" "I like my Coffee Crisp" "Oh you don't know from jokes) or Ketchup chips (I believe you don't have either in the States?).

In the first season I got the idea behind ordinary people struggling with extraordinary abilities, in some cases wanting to hide them while in others wanting to use them. But by this point in the show we should be seeing them more in use even if it is on a small scale (like Matt using mind reading for his job).

Pete using and then losing his strength/speed in the matter of a couple of episodes annoys me because I actually liked the idea of him using his abilities to help people -- it felt like a natural extension of who he is.

Question for the non-US commenters: do the Skittles(TM) references work

Totally works for Russia! The product itself is not particularly popular, but everyone saw the commercials.

A positive thing I forgot to mention about the episode: Dr. Gibson. Brief appearance, but I liked her more than Emma and Lydia put together. There's something irresistable about combination of professionalism, confidence, and genuine kindness.

I liked Dr. Gibson as well, although I wasn't crazy about her being so emotionally drawn to Gabriel (and willing to try to help him escape at the end...I mean, really?). But overall she's someone I'd be interested in seeing again.

Maybe she can meet Mohinder and the two of them can have a Gabriel is Sylar pow wow.

I'm sad to say I've missed out on both Coffee Crisp and Ketchup Chips.

I thought Dr. Gibson was lovely and compassionate, though I wasn't thrilled about her being so automatically drawn to Sylar, either. Still, I wouldn't mind seeing more of her (or of Officer Ernie).

Oh -- in case anyone's been reluctant to bring it up, I'm not considering the news about a cast member being fired a spoiler, and thus it can be open for discussion here, should anyone wish. In brief: it was announced yesterday on E! Online and Entertainment Weekly (and confirmed by Grunberg's Twitter) that a male original cast member has been axed, though as far as I know the identity hasn't yet been revealed. Kind of sucky news, and not really what the show needs right now.

I'm a bit bummed at not seeing more Dr. Gibson because even with her brief screen time I felt there was a bit more potential with the character.

I've gone back and forth on who I think has been fired from "Heroes" (and fired in a horrendously disrespectful way). Even though the terms "popular" and "leading man" lead me to believe it's someone like Jack Coleman the fact that it's a member of the original cast and Sendhil has been unacceptably MIA already this season leads me to think he's still a big possibility...it could be Adrian Pasdar now with Sylar offically back. I'd be surprised if the show offed Peter...

Question for the non-US commenters: do the Skittles(TM) references work...

Such is the all-pervasive power of US culture that I am not at all sure whether we have Skittles™ down here or whether I'm just aware of them via random television shows and awesome recaps. (Didn't Elaine stop off for Skittles™ on the way to visit a hospitalised boyfriend in Seinfeld once?)

Either way, I get what you're saying.

...or is it like when Dan goes on about utes and singlets and sultanas in his Smallville Files and all the American readers stare blankly?

If you can't get the laughs, always go for the blank stares, that's my motto. Less entertaining for the readers, but far more entertaining for the writer.

Ute!

Ketchup Chips and Coffee Crisps completely elude me, however.

A visual representation of how I feel about someone getting fired may be viewed here.

I taught myself Photoshop two weekends ago, because it was skills set I'd been grievously lacking. A monster has been created. Oh, sure, as of yet I've only figured out how to use the magnetic lasso and the clone stamp, but just you wait: someday I'll add the slice tool or that mysterious Path Component Selection tool to my repertoire, and then there'll be no stopping me.

It has to be Masi, doesn't it? Doesn't it?

Dunno. He's a strong possibility, but Hiro's been mortally ill all season. Would Masi really be shocked and appalled, as the EW item suggests, to receive this week's script and discover that Hiro dies? (I'd assume the very first question he would have asked upon learning of this terminal-illness plotline would be, "Hey, are you killing me off?" Of course, it's entirely possible they offered him reassurances at the time and then changed their minds later.) Kind of the same situation with Pasdar: I mean, Nathan's already dead.

(Another reason why I sort of think it might not Sendhil, either: After being completely absent for the first chunk of episodes this season, would reading a script about Mohinder's death really come as a huge shock to Sendhil -- or to anyone involved with Heroes?)

I lean towards Coleman, for no real reason other than it seems likely that, in this Claire-focused season, somebody on that creative staff would think it'd be a super-awesome idea to have something huge and tragic happen to her. Maybe we'll get another scene of Claire tearfully scattering her dad's ashes, much like at the end of volume two.

Where's Boy-Morgan when you need him? I bet he spends all day selecting components of Photoshop paths.

I know! I'm sure he does. He's been extremely busy with the new baby and his job. In fact, the whole reason I embarked upon this Photoshop lunacy was that I'm gearing up to launch another site, and I figured I couldn't ask Boy-Morgan to design me another site logo, like he did with Preppies. But yeah, I'm sure he uses the Path Component Selection tool with confidence. He probably also doesn't even recoil from the eight billion options in the Filter menu.

Hey Dan, Elaine stopped for Jujyfruits at cinema before visiting boyfriend in hospital. I had to check the reference but I knew it wasn't Skittles. We have Skittles in Ireland, but not Jujyfruits. Once when I went to the cinema in America I made sure to get some Jujyfruits in honour of Seinfeld, though now that I remember back I think it was some other confectionary that we don't have in Ireland. Was going to change that 'honour' to 'honor' but I believe Americans need to stop disrespecting the 'u'.

Jujyfruits! They're one of those candies, like Dots and Whoppers and Junior Mints, that might be available at drugstores, but you can really only count on finding them at movie theaters. I'm not sure why that is. Whereas Skittles are omnipresent.

Was going to change that 'honour' to 'honor' but I believe Americans need to stop disrespecting the 'u'.

Sheesh. Next you're going to complain about us swapping out "s" for "z" in all your words. Which is a zestier spelling, I ask you: "materialise" or "materialize"? I think the answer's pretty clear. And think of all the time you waste typing all those unnecessary "u"s.

Jujyfruits! Yes, thank you, Patrick. I kind of thought Skittles mightn't have been right but who, in this day and age, has the time or patience to type 'elaine late hospital' into their search engine of choice?

I don't think it really occurred to me that Canadians use "cheque" and "fibre", etcetera.

Ah, but they do. And that's why we let them join in the Commonwealth Games.

I am ashamed to admit that, while it's very hummable, I don't know a single lyric of the Canadian national anthem beyond "O Canada..." At least thanks to Dan I know the part of the Australian anthem about it being "girt by sea." Because "girt by sea" is funny.

Hey, Vancouver has the Winter Olympics, right? I suspect we're all going to be hearing a lot of "O Canada", come February.

I love speedskating like you wouldn't believe and that race was one of my favourites because it was so damn funny.

You guys are assuming Canada will do well at the Olympics in Vancouver. I have my fingers crossed but there's always a (remote) chance it will be Montreal '76 all over again when the home country took only one medal. To be fair Canada does better at the Winter Olympics so it could be good. No matter what I'll be glued to my tv for the two weeks. Winter or Summer, I watch obsessively and am an "expert" in everything. "Oh! she double footed that landing which is going to cost her nine-tenths."

I'm better off simply not watching the Olympics, because my obsessive little personality takes over, and all of a sudden I've spent two weeks in front of a television. I'm the same way with televised tennis matches. It's scary. That said, I'm really more of a Summer Olympics person -- the gymnastics! the diving! -- though the skating can suck me in pretty easily. Speed skating is fun to watch, even when it doesn't end in a catastrophic yet hilarious manner.

It's telling that I've only just got around to watcing this episode and I don't really care to talk about it. Photoshopping excellence, this hilarious truth and discussion of spelling is MUCH more interesting. As a Brit transplant I have to say that losing those 'u's and using 'z' instead of 's' is still something Im trying to get used to.

Talk of the Olympics too. Hurrah! I love all that. Gymnastics, athletics, diving, tennis... oh and swimming (cos thats my sport). Useless fact: I was once in pre-training for the Olympics. Now it takes some effort to get off the couch. Ah laziness...

Lou, that is very, very, very cool about pre-training for the Olympics. As someone with zero aptitude for organized sports, I'm impressed.

It's telling that the only enjoyment I'm getting out of Heroes these days is creating Photoshop mischief. Watching the show is sort of a chore. I don't see that changing with tonight's episode, but maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised? Maybe?

We've still got a couple weeks, I believe, before Our Mohinder returns. This is a sorry state of affairs.

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I haven't written one of these in a few years, so some explanation might be in order before diving in. Despite the flippant title, the Strange Sick Sad Career mantle is bestowed only upon actors I genuinely like, such as Jonny Lee Miller and Michael Rosenbaum and Ioan Gruffudd… and, now, Thomas Gibson, who is freaking amazing in his role as ultra-grim FBI unit chief Aaron Hotchner on the CBS crime procedural Criminal Minds. How amazing? Consider this: I voted for Gibson with a clear conscience when he went head-to-head against Fringe's magnificent John Noble in Entertainment Weekly's Under-Appreciated Entertainer of 2010 poll, an honor Gibson went on to win.

So… what’s strange or sick or sad about Gibson’s career? Fair question. After all, he’s spent thirteen of the past sixteen years starring in well-received prime-time network television shows (three seasons on Chicago Hope, five on Dharma and Greg, and he’s presently well into his sixth on Criminal Minds), which …

No U.N.C.L.E. recap this week due to a combination of an overpacked agenda and general inertia, but have no fear:

a) I'll post a new recap early next week, and:
b) it's just going to be that stupid third-season episode where Illya dresses up as the Abominable Snowman for absolutely no good reason, so you're not missing all that much.

This is the backdoor pilot for the short-lived spinoff series, The Girl From U.N.C.L.E., and man oh man, it is terrible.

Illya, dressed in a fancy ruffled tuxedo, poses as an advertising executive and loiters around a swanky party for Caresse Cosmetics, which is in the process of choosing Miss Moonglow, the new face of the company. The party is teeming with pretty ladies; Caresse’s cofounder, Jean Caresse (Mary Carver, the mom from Simon & Simon), asks Illya for his opinion as to which one should represent her company. “Personally, I would prefer a woman of accomplishment,” Illya says. This bit of straightforward common sense alarms Jean, who is a seasoned THRUSH agent. Jumping into action, she grabs a henchwoman and alerts her to her suspicions that a cute blond U.N.C.L.E. agent has crashed their party. Illya snoops around and ends up captured by Jean’s evil brother, Arthur (Kevin McCarthy).

Writer. Publisher and owner of Luft Books. An Angeleno adrift in New York City, I've got a BFA in screenwriting from USC's film school, a fiendish love of pop culture, and a Duran Duran lyric for every occasion. Reach me on Twitter or at me_richter(at)yahoo(dot)com.

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I haven't written one of these in a few years, so some explanation might be in order before diving in. Despite the flippant title, the Strange Sick Sad Career mantle is bestowed only upon actors I genuinely like, such as Jonny Lee Miller and Michael Rosenbaum and Ioan Gruffudd… and, now, Thomas Gibson, who is freaking amazing in his role as ultra-grim FBI unit chief Aaron Hotchner on the CBS crime procedural Criminal Minds. How amazing? Consider this: I voted for Gibson with a clear conscience when he went head-to-head against Fringe's magnificent John Noble in Entertainment Weekly's Under-Appreciated Entertainer of 2010 poll, an honor Gibson went on to win.

So… what’s strange or sick or sad about Gibson’s career? Fair question. After all, he’s spent thirteen of the past sixteen years starring in well-received prime-time network television shows (three seasons on Chicago Hope, five on Dharma and Greg, and he’s presently well into his sixth on Criminal Minds), which …

No U.N.C.L.E. recap this week due to a combination of an overpacked agenda and general inertia, but have no fear:

a) I'll post a new recap early next week, and:
b) it's just going to be that stupid third-season episode where Illya dresses up as the Abominable Snowman for absolutely no good reason, so you're not missing all that much.

This is the backdoor pilot for the short-lived spinoff series, The Girl From U.N.C.L.E., and man oh man, it is terrible.

Illya, dressed in a fancy ruffled tuxedo, poses as an advertising executive and loiters around a swanky party for Caresse Cosmetics, which is in the process of choosing Miss Moonglow, the new face of the company. The party is teeming with pretty ladies; Caresse’s cofounder, Jean Caresse (Mary Carver, the mom from Simon & Simon), asks Illya for his opinion as to which one should represent her company. “Personally, I would prefer a woman of accomplishment,” Illya says. This bit of straightforward common sense alarms Jean, who is a seasoned THRUSH agent. Jumping into action, she grabs a henchwoman and alerts her to her suspicions that a cute blond U.N.C.L.E. agent has crashed their party. Illya snoops around and ends up captured by Jean’s evil brother, Arthur (Kevin McCarthy).