Is He Interested Or Am I Just In His Way? [Ask A Dude]

The Dude

Hey Dude,

So there is a guy in my history class and he’s always staring at me or glancing at me when I speak. One time we had a proper full-on conversation, but now he just stares at me and smiles a lot sometimes. Also he sits in close proximity to me, but not next to me and he just sometimes talks to my neighbours as an excuse to borrow my work. Make a move or what? Please help! (Thank you a lot)

Signed,

Mover and Shaker

Dear Mover and Shaker,

Did you ever think he could just be existing? I mean I’m not trying to be dismissive but there are some practical ways of looking at the fact that he’s there when you look up and he’s talking to fellow class mates who are sitting near you.

There’s a guy, he smiles at you when you look at him. Does that mean he’s interested? Or does it mean he smiles when he locks eyes with somebody that he sees and is trying to be courteous? Could be a nervous tick sorta thing. In general smiling is better than screaming “ALONSO” or “GERONIMO” or running in the complete opposite direction. That’d make him a time lord or anti-social. Only one of those two things. So let’s take the romantic path first.

He’s into you. Let’s call it this. If he is, then he’s pussyfooting. Which would make one question how much attention you should pay to him. If he won’t make a move then that’s on him and not on you. If you want him to make a move but he isn’t then you need to make a simple decision: forget him or make a move yourself. There’s no reason to make yourself crazy or make yourself do anything for that matter. It all depends on the biggest question: Are you interested? If you are, then are you interested enough to do something about it?

Playing wishy-washy can be the big turnoff. There’s nothing sexy about pussyfooting (word of the day!). Why doesn’t he just talk to you? If it’s that obvious and he doesn’t then it’ll just get creepy. And who wants to date someone that comes off as a creep? Perhaps he lacks the proper social experience to understand that you talk to the person you’d like to, you know, go out with or even consider going out with. Some form of direct interaction is for the best. So be weary. I’m not one to dismiss someone because they’re shy but there comes a point…have you reached it?

Lets then consider the other path…that he’s just existing in the same space at the same time. This is also possible. Coincidence can come across like prophecy. So “Sleepy Hollow” tried to tell me last week (it was either that or “Welcome to Nightvale”). Perhaps the truth is that he kind of likes you but isn’t up to take it further. Do you know if he’s got a girlfriend? Do you know you’re the proper gender according to his sexual orientation? Do you know it’s not one of your neighbours he’s interested in? It’s possible to get an idea someone’s interested when they’re more in the orbit rather than looking for a way to land. I don’t know. You will more than me. But do consider the possibility that you’ve got nothing to fret over whatsoever.

Staring without looking,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]