Honey Boo Boo Child (Please Make It STOP!!!)

I have a bone to pick with a recent sensation that’s been spreading across the globe. In fact, I have a lot of bones to pick. I have a bone to pick with the show. I have a bone to pick with the parents. I have a bone to pick with CYS. And…I have a bone to pick with the general population for watching this sorry excuse for a train wreck.

Where should something like this go? Television, obviously.

“But…but Vince…it’s Honey Boo Boo Child!”

Now watch as I mock you.

Seriously, how can anyone think this show to be appropriate for television? Let’s take a look at the facts shall we?

2) The parents enter their six-year-old into pageants, making her wear what can only be described as lingerie.

3) Six year old.

4) Pageants.

5) Lingerie.

6) Peak-a-boo top.

HELLOOO!!!! Where the hell is Child and Youth Services during all of this? I’m pretty sure this isn’t appropriate. I am also pretty sure that this isn’t responsible parenting. At the rate she’s going, she’s either going to get pregnant or be hired as John Goodman’s stunt double.

The unfortunate truth to all of this is that it isn’t her fault. Her parents have no business being parents, period. I don’t know why America finds this show so fascinating. What I find ironic is that this show is on TLC…or “The Learning Channel.” Pray tell…what exactly are we learning? Is this some secret documentary that will reveal itself in the final episode as one big lesson on why people shouldn’t drop out of the second grade? Could this be the biggest trolling in the history of mankind? I’m waiting for “Mama” to smile normally, and with a straight face, recite the entire score of the HMS Pinafore.

Seriously, what other explanation could there be as to why this show is on television?

Oh yeah…I keep forgetting who my peers are…silly me.

I’d like to leave you with one last thought:

Sugar Bear is 40. Mama is 32. Their oldest is 17. 40-17=23 and 32-17=15. Sugar Bear was 23 when Mama got pregnant, at 15. AND…Mama is about to be a 32-year-old grandmother.