Divorce decision: Making a decision about getting divorced...

Divorce
Article-
9/12/04

"Divorce Decision:
Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce"

When making a divorce
decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider.
Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they
need to think about when making a divorce decision
which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making serious
divorce decisions, having an open mind and listing
the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help
make the process a little simpler for you.

The things
to consider when deciding about divorce varies somewhat from person
to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:

Divorce
Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to
go through with a decision.

Not being really ready to decide about
whether to get a divorce because of emotional uncertainty will be a
serious obstacle if you let your emotions cloud your ability to reason
or use logic. People often fear making a tough decision and there are
many reasons
why people don't ever get around to actually making a divorce
decision, which is often one of the toughest decisions to make
in life. If you aren't ready to handle the emotional pain of what could
be a "life changing" event like deciding about divorce, wait
until you can before going through your divorce decision making process.

Divorce
Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons
for divorce that you've listed regarding why you think you want
a divorce are indeed valid.

Too often people
make the mistake of wanting to get a divorce (or thinking they want
to get a divorce) for unviable reasons. This comes from being wrapped
up with the idea of being hurt and focusing on one's self rather than
separating the actual events from the end results.

Yes, it is very
tough to elevate your thinking and be seemingly autonomous to your own
situation...in fact, it is often impossible to do. But, if you can look
at your situation with someone else in your place, and then go through
your divorce decision making process, you'll be closer
to the real answer that you want.

Divorce
Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence,
ability to be 'self sustaining' with finances or other material things,
and desire to 'start over' are all unwavering.

This mix of considerations
about divorce can be overpowering for some people when they try to 'break
away' or make the decision about getting a divorce. Simply, these 'things
to think about' intertwine and affect each other directly. Self-confidence
is essential to being able to make a lucid divorce decision, and your
level of self-confidence can easily be changed (for better or worse)
instantly. If this is the case, you should really re-think whether you're
ready to make a divorce decision and follow through with it.

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A lot of time, women
in divorce situations have to deal with finance
issues and they fear going out on their own because they've had
financial support previously. Still, the fear of losing finances or
material things is not gender specific by any means...men and women
alike need to decide if they are ready to go through financial loss
to improve their lives if they feel a divorce will do so. Logic will
lead you to the fact that finances shouldn't be the only
piece of your divorce decision even though it usually figures in...as
to what level finances figure into your divorce decision, will depend
on you and what you deem important.

If your overall
confidence and desire to start over with your love life support making
a change, you're off to a good start in making a smart decision about
whether to divorce or not.

Divorce
Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will
affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula
about divorce.

This item to consider
when thinking about divorce is one of the primary things that
can lead a person to a decision, one way or another. Even though it
can have serious negative repercussions, selfless people will take into
account everyone else who will be affected by a serious change like
getting a divorce...it is fundamental portion of the overall process
of making a smart divorce decision. Children, in-laws, common friends,
etc., all will be affected by what you do regarding your action as a
result of you truly answering the question, "Should
I Get A Divorce?".

When making your
decision about staying married or getting divorced, you should look
to the future and decide whether your decision will improve or decrease
your quality of life and the quality of life of those that will be affected.
The number one reason given by people who want to get
divorced but don't go through with it, stems from the fear that others
will suffer from the divorce. Be very careful when assessing this situation...make
sure that you use logic and not emotion when evaluating your thoughts.

Making a divorce
decision is a serious and difficult task because it is complex, deeply
self-reflective, and frightening due to the length of time it can affect
you and others. Make sure that you have your thoughts organized and
prioritized and you take your time in making a decision.