Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Kitchen Closes

I am sorry to announce an official demise to Drawn and Devoured. It has come after a serious deal of trepidation and uncertainly. Even now, I want to give myself an out and say that this is an uncertain hiatus: I think we know better, so let me not question your intelligence by playing.

What happened? Nothing, which is really the heart of the matter. I am
very much a person who wants to achieve certain things, and every
project I undertake is undertaken with the hope not only of experiencing
great enjoyment, but of creating something for myself: a revenue, a
following, exposure, paid work. When Drawn and Devoured was started, I
hoped for all these things and knew that I would have fun (which I have
had). There have been high times. I feel more knowledgeable about my
city, and that's priceless. I've met some incredible people, who I
value. I hope I've learned something. I've become a faster, clearer,
better drawer.

It has not been what I hoped for, though. The fun is not really there any more. In a personal project, that's all that matters. The people who approach me for work through Drawn and Devoured seem to think I work for free: I don't, except for my mother (and she offers to pay me anyhow, the darling woman). The exposure has plateaued. Eating in Toronto, at NICE places, is really not cheap. It's been draining on my finances, and also on my creative energy.
I have so many projects in my head. Yonks of them.

Getting a blog post together takes more hours than you might imagine. A lot of my time is spent chasing down guests to go dine with and coordinating schedules, which isn't the funnest. Having someone cancel is a big deal, leaving me without material, and it makes me angry at friends when I normally wouldn't mind. Getting good writing and art together takes a couple days, and I don't like it when I feel my work is substandard. That's so many days taken away from these new things clamoring in my head.

I'm hesitant to quit, because some of the positive feedback I've received comes from people of influence, of valuable opinion that I trust. They have made me feel that I'm getting somewhere, they make the project feel worthwhile. I still love the food scene: but I think I'm tired of feeling obligated to be a part of it by my own doing.

And yet, I don't want to feel that I'm throwing in the towel and quitting.

In the end, I only want to work on a project like this where I love every moment, and that feeling is gone. Maybe I'm getting close to some kind of break out, and it's a shame that I'm giving it up now. But, here: I'm not giving up. I'm moving on, to the next thing that I'm excited about. I really, really want to focus more on making comics, especially on my web comic meat&bone. Drawn and Devoured takes time away from shorts that I want to work on, and from my editorial work.

So, the kitchen closes, the range is turned off and the elements
left to cool. I have loved almost every minute, but I am off to make a
stage at some great unknown venue.

I have just come across your blog by chance and this was the first post I read. I think you have done a fine job here and are strong enough to conquer the next. So, keep going wherever you go knowing you are the best that can be!