10 Signs You’re an Outgoing Introvert

You just found out you’re an introvert. Now you have a new way of understanding yourself and how you relate to the world. You can’t get enough of your new identity, so you’re reading every listicle and blog post about introverts that graces your Facebook news feed. Some articles describe you with frightening accuracy: you like spending time alone, prefer calm environments, and think deeply and reflect. You’d rather text than call.

Yet other articles don’t resonate with you at all. You don’t sit home alone every weekend watching Netflix in your pajamas. You enjoy the occasional party. You start to wonder, am I really an introvert?

You’re probably an introvert—but you’re an outgoing one. Introversion and extroversion are not black and white. Think of introversion and extroversion being on a spectrum. Some people fall closer to the introverted end, while others are near the middle. As an outgoing introvert, your personality is more middle-of-the-road.

Are you an outgoing introvert? Here are 10 signs you might be:

1. Your energy level is closely tied to your environment. You’re sensitive to how your surroundings look, what kind of music is being played, how many people are present and the volume level of the room. The ambiance of a bar or restaurant can either energize or drain you, depending on if the place fits your preferences. Likewise, a loud rock concert in a crowded stadium might be overwhelming but an up-close-and-personal acoustic set at your favorite local music club relaxes you.

2. You find people to be both intriguing and exhausting. People watching? Yes. Meeting new people and hearing their life stories? Fascinating. Spending every weeknight hanging out with a different group of friends? Not a chance—as much as you enjoy people, you can only endure so much socializing before you need downtime. After a busy weekend or a long day at work, you feel the need to disappear and recharge by being alone or with just one other person (a best friend, a trusted roommate or your significant other).

3. Certain people and interactions drain you while others actually recharge you. You have a few friends who you could hang out with for practically forever. It seems like you never run out of things to talk about and being with them is just easy. You actually feel better after spending time with them, not drained. Other people eventually tire or bore you and you need to get away. Being alone is better than settling for second-rate company.

4. You can be charming but also deeply introspective and reflective. You make small talk when it’s expected of you because you know it can lead to deeper, more authentic conversation. People feel comfortable around you, and you easily get others talking and opening up about themselves. When you’re out on a Saturday night, you make sure your friends have a good time. However, most people don’t realize how “in your head” you really are. Although you appear easy-going and chatty, inside, your mind is always going.

5. When you feel rested and recharged, you reach out to others. Often you’re the one who gets all your friends together on the weekend. Or maybe you organize the weekly after-work happy hour or throw parties at your house. Playing the host allows you to socialize on your own terms. You get to set the parameters, like what time the event starts, where it will happen and who is invited. But when you’re feeling drained, like a true introvert, you go silent and hibernate at home. This is when the Netflix + pajamas thing makes sense.

6. You need time to warm up in social situations. But once you feel comfortable with someone, you have no trouble chatting. Likewise, you won’t spill your entire life story to someone within the first half hour of meeting them, but you will reveal personal details when trust is built up. The more someone gets to know you, the more your quirky personality (and your cherished inner world—the part of you that feels most authentic) comes out.

7. It actually takes less energy to say what’s on your mind than to make small talk. Introverts like talking about ideas or connecting authentically. Fake small talk bores you and drains your life force.

8. You’re selectively social. It’s hard to find people you click with, so you only have a few close friends. But you’re okay with that. You’d rather make your limited “people” energy count by investing it into relationships that are truly fulfilling.

9. You have no interest in trying to prove yourself in a crowd of strangers. “Working the room” isn’t your thing. Nor do you feel the need to draw a lot of attention to yourself. You’re content hanging out at the edges of the party, talking to just one or two people.

10. You’re often confused for an extrovert. Your friends and family don’t buy that you’re an introvert because you’re just so social. In fact, it may have taken a while for you to realize you’re an introvert because you play the extrovert so well. Now you find yourself constantly having to explain your introversion and how you get your energy, but people still don’t get it.

Keep in mind there’s no wrong way to do introversion. It’s all about understanding your needs and honoring your own style—even if that means being the life of the party one night then binge watching Netflix alone the next night.

Share on

Jenn Granneman is the founder of Introvert, Dear, the popular community for introverts and highly sensitive people. Jenn is an introvert, a highly sensitive person, and an INFJ personality type. She started Introvert, Dear to help other introverts not feel so alone or weird. Look for her first book, The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World, in spring 2017. To get personal updates and see the occasional cat picture, follow her on Facebook.

I am 53 and just discovered 2 years ago that I am an introvert. I have always tested as an extra vert and most people who know think I am. For years, I beat myself up for what I thought were bouts of depression, but were really just me needing alone time. I felt guilty not answering the phone. I have 5 kids, so alone time is rare. Then a friend posted an article called 21 Signs You Are an Introvert. I casually read it, only to discover that I had 19 of those signs. Booyah! I went back to the Personality tests and retook them with introversion in mind and, voila! I suddenly fit 2 profiles, instead of coming out ENFP, but feeling like I was an alien amongst super friendly natives, I felt more at home. A little snuggly and warm, but not quite cozy because I still couldn’t quite find that sweet spot on the couch. INFP or INFJ? After exhaustive research, I have come to the conclusion that my thinking process is more INFP, yet I behave a lot like an INFJ. I think I have developed my 3 year old Thinking process more than usual. Sometimes I am sure I am an INFP, then I read or listen to something that is supposed to be typical INFP, and I want to cry because it is soooo far removed from who I am. But thank you for the outgoing introvert support. It feels good.

The above 10 describes me almost to the letter. Amazing. It has helped so much since understanding that I’m an introvert…and now, an outgoing introvert. Now I don’t fight it, I can actually work with it to give myself a less frustrating approach to life. Thank you.

Yep, that’s me. I like people. People are fascinating. I can talk to complete strangers for half of an hour or so. I like a party every now and then. I can enjoy certain large, crowded, noisy events…….as long as I’m not hemmed in (then the claustrophobic panic kicks in). Most people refuse to believe that I’m an introvert because I can talk with people so easily. Those that know me well, know that I go into my hermit mode when I’ve been around people too often or for too long. There are times when I could go an entire week (sometimes longer) without interacting with anyone besides my immediate family and be perfectly happy. I hate endless small talk that doesn’t lead to more interesting discussions….. I’d chew my own leg off to escape a party of that sort. And there are days that I’d just as soon smash my phone to smithereens rather than answer it. Yep, this article nailed it!

Yupper…i’m an ambivert… *Pheeeeew* I remember taking one of those tests on the job in 1995…& struggling to figure that out. I’m naturally introverted, but growing up as 2nd oldest in a family of 7 brothers (my only sister, born 11+ years later, is 2nd youngest), there was NEVER an opportunity for quiet time unless it was the dead of night. I tend to think that my extroversion came about as a means of survival…

Ah, this is me! My day job requires a lot of interaction, as does my night time hobby of martial arts. While it is tiring, and while I ultimately prefer my own company, the common thread is that I’m able to bring out my nurturing side. My work and hobby both allow me to coach, counsel, and care for people, which is immensely fulfilling and not surprising since I’m an INFJ, which includes extraverted feeling and a sensitivity to the needs of others. Great post. It shows that we introverts (and extraverts) are much more complex than superficial labels.

Having read it, I have discovered that I can relate to some of the items listed but not all – I suspect, therefore, that I am more of a “true” introvert, with little to no signs of extroversion.

I could happily spend days alone (or with my wife who is the only other person on the planet whom I feel comfortable around for long periods) without the need to see others or to interact with anybody or anything. My mind is always “going”, always “on” and I am constantly analysing things in my every day life (in fact, I am an analyst by profession) to make sense of them.

At work, I plug headphones in from the moment I arrive, and keep them in for the entire day, listening to the most random mix of music and podcasts to simply drown out the inane chatter that surrounds me, and I never make any phone calls (it’s either e-mail or nothing).

I would much rather be alone than socialise after work – I can think of nothing worse – and as such I have opted not to attend this year’s Christmas party. The mere thought of having lunch with ~twenty other people whom I neither care for nor particularly like (the majority of whom are extroverts, I should also point out) utterly drains me. I have therefore opted to skip the party and instead will stay in the office, on my own, and actually do more work rather than join in with the celebrations.

Instead, I find most situations as such to be fake in that the people in your office are only ever colleagues and often nothing more. I have never once seen nor heard from / communicated with anybody from work outside of work and it is for this reason that I find the whole charade of sitting for a meal together to make the most pointless small talk (“how are you?”, “did you have a nice weekend?”, “the weather is cold today”, etc.) to be nothing more than a farce.

Conversely, I have a deep passion for writing and I am in fact a published author or multiple stories.

I ALWAYS have a notepad and pen with me wherever I go so that I can make notes of interesting thoughts that come to me and I sleep with said notepad and pen beside me just in case I have a dream which I would like to make a note of because it contains a good idea. This is also how I come up with – and am able to remember – most of my ideas for stories.

Give me an empty room (devoid of people) all to myself with a laptop / pen & paper and some headphones (it has to be headphones; I don’t like music that comes from one section of the room – it must be directly plugged into my head) and then leave me be with my thoughts to reflect and be creative – that it what makes me happiest.

I can definitely relate to this article. At the right kind of party, I will blissfully drift from one vantage point to the next, soaking up the warmth and happiness of the group as if I were sunbathing. With the right kind of person, I will gladly spend the whole day “solving the world’s problems” in heart-to-heart conversation. But too much interaction, as good as it is, will leave me exhausted and out of whack. I need long periods of time alone, with my mouth shut, in order to rest and resettle.

Wow! I relate to so many of these responses !! Ditto .., I’ve always placed Myself in The extrovert box, if there was the either or.! I’ve passed my 40’s, now and felt maybe depression why o don’t choose to go out as much, meaningless talk, just to be out .., like New Year’s Eve . I’m comfortable understanding ..it’s Not DEPRESSION.

I can’t believe how well this describes me, especially number 4. Had no idea about the existence of ‘ambiverts’, I’ve been calling myself a ‘half-breed’ all this time. Every time I go out, I’m confused for an extrovert. If I take a girl home, she wonders why I go so quiet the next day and thinks she has done something wrong. I just like to go into my head & enjoy the quiet after a big night

Exactly me! Funny though, I thought about sending it to my best friend, who is an extrovert. Then I realized that extroverts aren’t that interested in reading about personality types – she would be bored to death (if she even read it) and wouldn’t get it! Too bad…it’s good stuff 🙂

I read recently that the majority of us fall into the ambivert category which might explain why there are so many “social” introverts around. While researching my book The Dynamic Introvert: Leading Quietly with Passion and Purpose I was intrigued by the many different ways that introverts described themselves to me. There were social introverts, extroverted introverts, fearless introverts, accessible introverts and dynamic introverts. One woman told me that she was an introvert with the soul of an extrovert. Cheers!

In my industry, you have to be a people person… smiles, and walking the walk, and talking the talk of the people. (Real Estate Sales) So reading this list, I knew I was an introvert, but I also seem to be a social chameleon. I hate socializing, but still get times when I’m going stir crazy cooped up in the house with the kids, or doing nothing but work > home> work> home. This explains a bit more of my personality without it having to be black or white… I always liked tones of gray better anyhow.

Of course, if a person has done in-depth study about Meyers-Briggs Personality Theory, its same thing. Introvert/extrovert is not about being shy or outgoing, its about where one replenishes their energy. Many of have scores that land right between the 2 ratings. Introverts can be outgoing….for a time.

I just really have never understand the need for everyone to have a label of any sort. Interesting and well read article but jeez since the internet blog’s and vlogs and what ever else goes around. It’s just something else to label a person. I for one don’t need a label I’m just me. Complex, quiet, loud, sad, happy, every day is different and mostly like being alone but when I’m in a crowd I’m usually the one that carries the conversation.

So much of this is me to a T. I have often been seen as an extrovert as when I’m comfortable I’m outgoing as! People really annoying me for small things, needing to retreat and recharge after certian social interactions, small talk actually really bugging me. All of these things are soo me. I have often wondered why I can be the life of the party at times and be my crazy self, yet am pathologically shy at other times. It all makes sense now.

I’m in a conference right now and I was always being diagnosed or rather assessed with Extroversion personality. Haha. Yet, at conference like this, I rather talk to people who can actually give me insights rather just-small-talks. That bores me to death!! Thanks for this articles. I giggles a lot to ALL of the points. They are just me!! 😚😚😚

I’m so glad to find out that you can be an outgoing introvert; I thought I was just bad at being an introvert. I think part of the reason I turn into a chatterbox around people I don’t know very well is to hide the discomfort I feel trying to make small talk with them. People who don’t know me well think I’m an extrovert, but the people who really know me know that I need plenty of alone time.

It is only now that I finally realized that I am an outgoing introvert. I am selectively social, limits number of persons to befriend with. Nobody believes that I am shy and uncomfortable in meeting people. I often use jokes as my defense mechanism in engaging conversations with strangers. Thank you for this article.

I agree with most of what you say but have to take exception to the “in your head” thing. That is more attributable to being an “N” than an “I”. It is the intuitives that live in their heads and deal with ideas.

It’s interesting to note how there is a scale between extroversion and introversion, and how very few people are completely in one realm or the other. It’s also helpful to know because you don’t feel compelled to fit into any particular niche. However, one thing to nite is that you do have some control over where you fall on the scale. It’s all about mindset.

Thank you so much for this article. I can relate so well to everything that was mentioned here. I used to get so confused with myself because I always thought I was an introvert but at the same time I love meeting new people, socializing and going to parties and everything! I feel so relieved to know that it’s not weird that I am outgoing and introverted at the same time!!