Crows, lawnmowers and signs of spring

How do we know when spring is really here? Easy! All you need do is tick off the following check-list.You know spring is coming when:

1. People say: "Shouldn't we put some food out for the birds?"

2. Egg-shaped bits of chocolate appear in the shops in nasty bits of silver paper.

3. Calendars are reduced in price.

4. You start asking people: "Do we put the clocks back or forward in spring? I can never remember."

5. Country lanes are closed by road works and signs saying WAIT HERE WHEN LIGHT IS RED.

6. You come across a circular from your local garden machinery depot urging you to get your lawnmower serviced four months ago.

7. It starts being light at some incredibly late hour such as 6 pm.

8. You start spotting cobwebs round the house which must have been there all winter.

9. You hear a strange buzzing sound and realise it is a fly.

10. Someone says, "It's not food that's so important to put out for the birds as water, in case it freezes."

11. One day, when it's been raining all day, a water authority announces that shortages are so bad it is thinking of imposing a hosepipe ban.

12. You think you see the first daffodil on the lawn, but it's only a piece of yellow wrapping paper.

13. You take your lawnmower in for a service.

14. You hear someone say: "I wonder why they call it Mother's Day when it is really Mothering Sunday?"

15. It snows unexpectedly.

16. Headlines say: "Freak snow brings Britain to a halt".

17. You think you see a yellowhammer in the garden, but it's only a daffodil.

18. It thaws unexpectedly.

19. Headlines say: "Freak thaw brings Britain to wet standstill".

20. Someone says: "I think you're meant to stop putting food out for the birds after a while, otherwise they become dependent."

21. The man at the lawnmower place says, "Mm, if you'd brought it to us in November, it would have been ready by now. As it is, a lot of people have brought their mowers in late like you, so you'll be lucky to have it by ..."

22. Looking at all the forsythia, you wonder idly who Forsyth was.

23. The England cricket team fly in from wherever they've been for four months, but are not crushed by welcoming crowds at Heathrow.

24. They look very brown as they get off the plane.

25. Which reminds you that you haven't even thought about booking your summer holiday yet.