Where would you like me to sit?

Manners and Grace at Business Meetings

About a month ago I read an article on the art of shaking hands – it was the better part of a page in one of Canada’s national business newspapers. You need only shake hands with three different people at a meeting to know why such an article was penned.

I did a Google search for “books on etiquette” and got 423 hits – 423 books currently in print on the topic. From ‘being a lady’ to ‘conversation and charm’; from "Town and Country Social Graces’ to ‘Business Etiquette for Dummies” - the list goes on. Books by designers like Kate Spade to books by the grandchildren of the famed Emily Post – manners are in. Poor manners exhibited by the uninformed – are definitely out.

Why? Could it be that along with pearls, cashmere and swing dancing, manners are back? Thank goodness.

by Karen MacKay, MBA, CHIC
President

Meetings are a critical part of professional life.
Job interviews, practice group meetings, client
meetings and business development meetings.
Meetings in the office, meetings over lunch,
meetings to negotiate a transaction and meetings
in chambers - their boardroom, our boardroom
and off-site boardrooms. Opportunities to
participate in meetings happen several times a
day.

The following are some tips that will help you to
participate in business meetings with confidence.
You have an opportunity to make an impression
from the moment you get off the elevator until
the moment you get back on. Every time you
walk into a boardroom you have an opportunity
to leave an impression about yourself. A
positive impression about your ability to handle
the social graces of a business meeting helps to
create an impression about your capability as a
lawyer.

Tip No. 1: Stay standing until your host arrives.

There are lots of things to do once you have been
shown into a boardroom. You can admire the
art, review your notes or admire the view – just
don’t sit until your host arrives.
Your host may have invited others to the
meeting. Your host will likely have a favorite
seat. More importantly you won’t have to
struggle to your feet in order the shake hands
when your host arrives.

Tip No. 2: Where would you like me to sit?

This question allows the host to organize the
meeting in a manner that is comfortable and in
an arrangement that accommodates everyone
who will be attending – even those who have not
yet arrived.

Tip No. 3: If you travel in pairs, sit on the same
side of the table

Previously, when visiting a client with a
colleague, invariably we would be shown into a
boardroom and we would typically sit on
opposite sides of the table. Our client or
potential client would enter the room and sit at
the end of the table. I quickly discovered that
our poor client was at a tennis match – bouncing
her gaze back and forth between us.

More recently, I attended at a boardroom to
present my findings on a project to the key
decision makers. I wanted to be sure that they
were both in my view so that the presentation
could be a conversation and so that I would not
be bouncing back and forth between them. I
asked the host where he and his colleague would
typically sit and then asked if I may sit here.

How many times have you gone to visit a client – perhaps to present to your client’s executive
team? (If you haven’t – seek out these
opportunities. Get a tour of the client’s
operation and meet with senior people on their
turf.) Chances are there is a pecking order. The
boss will have a favorite seat, perhaps with a key
assistant or “right hand” who will indeed sit to
the boss’s right.

Tip No. 4: When someone offers a refreshment –
accept it graciously

In most law firm boardrooms, clients and other
guests of the firm enjoy the benefits of
refreshments. It’s kind of like visiting your
Grandmother’s house. When she offers you
something to eat and drink, you take it…and you
say thank you, even if you’ve just come from
another function and you can’t stuff in another
drop of water.

I was recently in Washington DC and talked
about this article with a friend over lunch. She
shared a story about a meeting a few years ago.
This meeting was to negotiate the terms of a
significant financial transaction and was in the
boardroom of one of New York’s most well
regarded firms. A young associate from the host
firm literally grazed at the refreshments
throughout the meeting, getting up and down at
whim, refilling his plate and frankly not paying
attention to what was going on in the meeting.
Others at the meeting were embarrassed for his
firm and frankly embarrassed for him because he
clearly needed some skill development. It gets
worse – since the associate was the son of a
highly influential client and the partner felt
powerless to say anything.

This lack of manners reflects on the individual
but it also reflects on the firm. This lack of
manners will negatively impact this individual’s
career. No matter where he started in life, his
future success is now his responsibility – but in
this case his firm has an obligation to give him
feedback and opportunities for appropriate skill
development.

Tip No. 5: When you are presenting – stick to
water

Many firms schedule meetings that involve nonbillable
activities over the lunch hour. If we feed
them they will come. As a presenter to such a
meeting you can do one of two things. Arrive
early and eat – get it out of the way. Or, accept a
glass of water and eat when the meeting is over.
This is a great opportunity to debrief with your
host who will likely stay for a bit and provide
you with immediate feedback on your
presentation.

There is another fact of professional service – that is the reality of ‘transference’. If you handle each critical meeting with grace you will be perceived to be a successful professional. A positive impression about your ability to handle the social graces of a business meeting will create a positive impression about your capability as a lawyer.