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Dear Deidre

I’M having amazing sex with a gorgeous married woman. We love one another – but annoyingly her husband is still in the picture.

I started a new job eight months ago and quickly became very close to one of my colleagues. She works in the same sales team. I’m 25 and she’s 33. She’s blonde, curvy and we hit it off the moment I was introduced to her

I am having amazing sex with a married woman but she won't leave her husband

We started off as just friends but over time we got closer. We both attended a conference and stayed at a hotel overnight with the rest of the team. It was then after a few drinks that we ended up in bed together.

Nothing really happened that night but it was the beginning of our affair. She asked me to meet her one night for a chat a few weeks later and that is when we spoke about our feelings. She ended up coming back to my flat and we had the best sex ever.

That was two months ago and we have been seeing one another regularly ever since. She tells me she is in a loveless marriage and that she really wants to be with me. Then on the other hand she says she does not know how to end her marriage.

Her husband doesn’t seem to have a clue about what is going on but from what I gather I think he may know deep down that something is not right.

I talk to my lover every day and we are always telling each other that we are in love.

We do manage to get a few nights away but it drives me crazy that her husband is still in the picture.

I talk to my lover every day and we are always telling each other that we are in love.

I do understand that I knew what I was getting myself into by having an affair with a married woman but I didn’t think it would be this hard.

I miss her when I’m not with her and she feels the same. What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t let this drag on.

If she’s not planning to leave her husband imminently, then best stop your fling now.

By staying with her you are allowing her to have her cake and eat it, so it becomes less and less likely she will leave him.

I am sure she loves the sex and talking with you but she seems pretty comfortable where she is.

You can’t make her do what you want but you deserve better than this.

Be firm. Say you’re giving her three months to make up her mind, then you will move on.

If she stays put, there will be a woman out there for you who will want you all for herself and she won’t be married.

Find one who is worthy of your love and wants the same as you.

My e-leaflet Your Lover Not Free will help you to think this through.

Topic for today

THREE out of five couples are less than fully satisfied with their sexual relationship and often it is just down to lazy habits rather than any specific problems.

My e-leaflet How To Have Great Sex is a guide to getting the basics right. Email the address below for a copy.

Email problems@deardeidre.org.

Cash for bash set up clash

Dear Deidre

MY fiancé and I are being pressured into having a party after our wedding, though it isn’t what we want.

We are quite shy, both 22 and want a simple ceremony with just us and a couple of friends as witnesses.