ASK AMY: Advice for the real world

Teen upset that boyfriend going away on break

Dear Amy: I'm in dire need of help. I'm a 15-year-old girl in the most spectacular relationship with a wonderful guy.

So what's the problem? His parents are forcing him to take winter break in Mexico.

This has happened once before, but that was over summer vacation. Now his parents want to take him to Mexico again. Amy, we've been happily together for almost nine months.

I wanted to spend this time with the one I love.

I am fond of his family; they accepted me even though I am not Hispanic.

What can I do? I feel completely broken, and he's going to be leaving soon.

Please help me. I don't know what to do. I feel as if this is a tragedy.

-- Lisa in California

Dear Lisa: At your age, everything happening in your life seems so important that you wonder how you will possibly survive something as commonplace as a short separation. But you will survive it, and doing so will help you to grow up -- something you really need to do.

You are very young to be in a "spectacular, passionate relationship." Your lack of perspective shows that you don't have the maturity to tackle your grown-up feelings.

You'll get through this. Get busy, spend time with your friends and family, write poetry, listen to music, and rent and watch "Romeo and Juliet" -- the Claire Danes/Leonardo DiCaprio version. I know, I know -- Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio are ancient movie stars. But they were once young, spectacular and passionate -- just like you. Shakespeare's classic story will put yours into perspective. You desperately need some perspective.

Dear Amy: When I first got married, all I wanted out of life was love and a little security.

Now it's 25 years later and after having a spouse who loves me and some security (we're not loaded by any means), I'm finding myself wanting more.

I want to travel the world, move to a large city and make a lot of money doing what I love. I don't want to have to be home by 5:30 p.m. to make dinner for my spouse. (Our kids are grown and out of the house.)

I know all of this is selfish, and I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for feeling this way.

I have big goals and ambitions, while my spouse loves staying home every night and is looking forward to retiring and staying in our small town. What I wanted 25 years ago isn't the same thing I want now.

I don't really want to go to a marriage counselor because I'm not sure I want to stay married. I love my spouse but feel my life is being stifled if I stay where I am, and I get depressed over the situation.

Do a lot of marriages go through this? You're a voracious reader -- do you have any books you'd recommend I read? I read "Eat Pray Love," but that only made me feel more confused.

What do you suggest?

-- Confused After 25 Years

Dear Confused: You are facing a classic midlife crisis, hungry for experiences you're afraid you'll never have. But you don't have to leave your life completely and travel the world, the way Elizabeth Gilbert did in "Eat Pray Love." You can and should get your feet wet by trying to meet your goals in smaller ways.

You don't say whether you've shared your big-city dreams with your husband, but you should. He deserves the opportunity to work out some sort of compromise with you.

It's hard work to overcome discontent, but it helps if you break down your largest issues into smaller parts. A therapist could help you with this. You might also read "The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life," by Deepak Chopra (2005, Three Rivers Press). Chopra's book might inspire you to fashion your own life's adventure -- rather than read about someone else's.

Dear Amy: In reference to "Romance Challenged," who didn't know if she would ever meet someone suitable on an online dating site, I went through the same thing. I was widowed in 2000 and 70 years old.

I am very glad I was persistent and picky! I found the most wonderful gentleman on the Internet.

It took telephone calls, etc. to get to know if this was a good thing. It took a long-distance plane trip to be completely certain he wasn't a "masher" (to use an old term).

He wasn't and isn't. We are to be married soon. We are both very happy with each other. He will be 79, and I will soon be 77, so you cannot say this is "a fling in the park"