Quick history lesson! Tim Schafer is making Brutal Legend. He also did Psychonauts. And, before…
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First up is the award for best new debut, including titles like Braid, Sins of a Solar Empire, World of Goo, LittleBigPlanet, and Soul Bubbles. Who will win?!

Well, it's LittleBigPlanet. Media Molecule folks accept the award and question "Best new debut? We've been doing this shit for 20 years!" Laughs ensue. I sprint to the bathroom.

The next award, which I make it back in time for, missing a good Tim Schafer joke, is the Best Audio award. With nominees like Left 4 Dead, Dead Space, Metal Gear Solid 4 and Gears of War 2 fighting for the award, who could possible... ah, screw it. It's Dead Space. If I had a chance to vote, I'd have voted for that.

Tim's comparing the life of a video game designers to wizards. We can't possibly do it justice. But Tim said that no one's made a bong in the shape of a game designer, so we think you can fill in the middle part.

Best Game Design is up, which features illustrious nominees like Fallout 3, Left 4 Dead, Braid, Far Cry 2 and LittleBigPlanet. And the award goes to... LittleBigPlanet!

Media Molecule's Mark Healey says it's like a dream come true, saying he's never met a group as intelligent, ugly, and autistic. But it works!

Tim's got some stripper jokes. Man, I should really be recording the audio. He makes a joke about ghost strippers and his upcoming game Lil' Ghost Stripper. He then makes a Braid joke and a beautiful segue. Please watch this show when it airs on television.

Best Downloadable Game is up, with Castle Crashers, Braid, World of Goo, N+ and PixelJunk Eden battling it out for the award. Based on audience response, I'm guessing Eden isn't going to win.

And I'm right. It's World of Goo!

2D Boy takes the stage, thanking their parents, introducing their new co-worker and briefly bragging about living the indie dream.

Mega 64 takes over comedy piloting duties with a Mirror's Edge parody. It's drag-heavy and full of high quality laughs. We hope they upload it to the internet.

Let's move on to Best Handheld Game.

The nominees are Patapon, Advance Wars: Days of Ruin, God of War: Chains of Olympus, echochrome, and The World Ends With You. What an interesting mix, eh? I say the answer is "yes."

And Tim Schafer says the Best Handheld Game is God of War for the PSP.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that Activision is a sponsor for this year's GDC Awards. We've been told to stick around until the end of the show for some related reason. Whatever could they be showing?!

David Perry takes the stage to deliver the Ambassador Award and hopefully to tell us more about the PSP-4000. Ah right, this is going to Tommy Tallarico. He's a good egg.

And also about 14 inches shorter than Perry.

Tommy's waxing nostalgiac about his earlier, even geekier days, when he used to take tape recorders down to the local arcade and record video game music. That's dedication, folks.

Yay! Tim Schafer's back. Man, these jokes are freaking good. But let's just move on to the Best Writing award. Far Cry 2 is the first nominee, eliciting titters over the fact that, well, the video started with a full-screen shot of tits. Actually, everything's being zoomed in and is mostly inappropriately focused on the pectoral area. Someone turned on boob cam!

Breaking: Tim Schafer loves pudding. Also breaking, the Best Technology award, being handed out to one of the following: Spore, Grand Theft Auto IV, Left 4 Dead, LittleBigPlanet, Gears of War 2.

The winner is LittleBigPlanet. Again. Alex Evans from Media Molecule thanks "the lunatics who made the PS3." He means that in the positive sense, by the way.

Tim Schafer threatens the crowd with more pictures of his baby. But it's actually a new Mega 64 video. :(

Oh wait, it's Shadow of the Colossus. :)

A man in a colossus costume is stabbed. Children are traumatized. It's a success!

Okay, Best Visual Art is next, with Fallout 3, Metal Gear Solid 4, Prince of Persia, LittleBigPlanet and Gears of War 2 competing for the prize. We hope that Media Molecule pulls out of the race, so someone else can win.

But the winner is Prince of Persia anyway, so non-crisis averted! Ben Matteis accepts for the absent Mickael Labat. He has lovely things to say about the Prince of Persia art team. He seems pleased.

NanaOn-Sha's Masaya Matsuura takes the stage to present the year's Pioneer Award, which is going to Harmonix's Alex Rigopulos and Eran Egozy. Rigopulos talks about one of his first Game Developers Conference treks, when Harmonix was showing off the PlayStation 2 game Frequency. Rigopulos talks about his fond feelings for the game industry and how GDC attendees offered their time and insight on the experience of that game.

Egozy follows, saying that it's both a huge honor and a little bit awkward, saying that the entire Harmonix team is due for big time kudos. Greg LoPiccolo, for example.

The Innovation Award goes to... you guess it (probably) LittleBigPlanet.

The best Mega 64 EVER was just shown. Why is it the best? Because Hideo Kojima was in it. And he stealths out in public with the Mega 64 guys. Watch for it.

Speaking of Kojima, the Metal Gear Solid creator just accepted his Lifetime Achievement Award. He's humble, saying he won't retire until he has accomplished all the things he wants to do, including writing a novel and directing a film.

The Game of the Year award is... Fallout 3 from Bethesda Softworks. That leaves multiple award nominees like Left 4 Dead and Grand Theft Auto IV without a GDCA trophy to their names. Todd Howard and the Fallout 3 team take the stage to accept their award and give thanks to everyone involved. Understanding wives, generous parents and staffers who don't do interviews are being lauded for their contribution to the development of Fallout 3.