Different circumstances require different styles of caregiving

Q: My sister and I have very different styles of caregiving and sometimes they clash. What styles work best?

A: What you’ll likely find is that different circumstances call for different kinds of caregiving styles. A study by Dr. Mary A. Corcoran found four such styles by observing nearly 100 pairs of caregivers and their care receivers. Researchers interviewed the caregivers and analyzed their videotaped interactions while providing care to their loved ones.

Here are the four styles that emerged:

Facilitating

You focus on the emotional health of your loved one, and if your mom or dad is the primary caregiver, you turn your attention to his or her well-being. You see your loved one as a productive and loving person who has the ability to enjoy meaningful activities.

A trademark of facilitators is their preference for involving their loved one in one-on-one activities such as enjoying a favorite activity that fosters co-operation and working together. Creating a comforting and secure environment is a top priority for you by using a calm voice, a warm sense of humor and facial expressions that reassure your loved one that everything is okay.

Overall, this style provides cooperative interaction, disseminates information that enhances the emotional health of caregivers, and cultivates an environment of reassurance to caregiver and care receiver alike.

Balancing

You see the whole picture and spend your efforts on balancing the needs between the care receiver and the caregiver. If you’re the primary caregiver, you understand how important it is to take care of yourself in order to take care of your loved one. You also see the caregiving ripple effects throughout your household and seek to keep the peace.

In the balancing style, caregivers juggle a number of activities. For example, they work in another room while listening to the care receiver through a sound monitor, or they give their loved one an activity to do, such as a household chore, while they accomplish another task. Balancers make trade-offs and sometimes feel conflicted while they manage multiple roles and schedules that demand their time and attention.

Advocating

You’re vigilant about your loved one’s wellbeing, and when you suspect a problem, you’re right on it. You monitor your loved one’s needs for help and respond in ways that assist yet still promote independence. You assess your loved one’s level of functioning and determine whether any action should be taken to address potential problems.

You advocate for your loved one by actively interacting with physicians, nurses, and any one else providing direct care. Many advocates whose loved one has transitioned to a facility devote their energies to “keeping an eye out” and “speaking up.” But it’s done in a way that’s flexible and builds rapport with the staff so they’ll look kindly on your loved one.

To gain respect for your loved one, you share old photos, accomplishments and stories so staff appreciate their history and subsequently treat them with dignity.

Directing

You focus on the physical health of your loved one overseeing nutrition, medical and medication routines, doctor’s appointments and hygiene. You like to maintain order, so you set standards for what needs to be done and what health practices and behaviors your loved one should follow to stay healthy.

You’re comfortable in giving directions and do so in writing or verbally. When you encourage social interaction for your loved one, it’s based on what you perceive as beneficial for him or her and not necessarily for yourself.

Sometimes you feel frustrated with your loved one and your caregiving situation because it’s difficult to maintain order or control declining mental and physical abilities.

There really isn’t a right or wrong caregiving style. It depends on the needs of the person receiving the care and how they respond to one style versus another. You and your sister might do well to step back and see what style your loved one reacts best towards and in what situations. Let that guide you on how to adjust your styles.

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