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No, It Okay, Don't Be Cry: The Top 10 Tearjerker Moments On TV In 2012

By:
Aly Semigran
Dec 07, 2012

Dry your eyes, pop culture fanatics, you made it through the 10 saddest moments in movies from the past year. Sadly, (and we really want to emphasize that) we're going to remind you of the 10 moments on television that made you totally lose it. On the bright side, at least you can cry over your favorite TV shows from the comfort of your own home! From shocking character deaths to heartbreaking discoveries, TV really turned up the waterworks quotient this year. But, don't be cry for too long. To spare you (and your non-waterproof mascara) we threw in a few happy tears moments, too. Brace yourselves, there are MAJOR SPOILERS and MAJOR SADNESS ahead in the top 10 tearjerker TV moments from 2012.
The Walking Dead:
We spent Season 2 being bored to tears by The Walking Dead, so imagine our surprise when we spent Season 3 crying actual tears. For Lori. Let that one sink it. We're still trying to do the same with Lori's (Sarah Wayne Callies) stunningly sad death, in which her own son Carl (Chandler Riggs) had to put her out of misery after a C-section.
Mad Men:
It became more and more apparent as Season 5 went on that things weren't going to end well for poor Lane Pryce (Jared Harris), but no one ever imagined it would be so damn depressing. After Don (Jon Hamm) found out about Lane's embezzlement scheme, he asked him to resign, but Lane left Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce in a much more harrowing fashion: he hung himself in his office. It's an image no Mad Men fan will ever be able to shake.
Parenthood:
NBC's underrated gem of a drama is always a reliable go-to show when you need a good cry. But this season, it's been a reliable go-to when you need a full-on ugly cry. When Kristina (a seriously Emmy-worthy Monica Potter) discovered she has breast cancer, she had to break the terrible news to her family, starting with her husband Adam (Peter Krause), who could tell with just one look that it was everything they hoped it wasn't. Still, even at her worst, Kristina has continually put the brave in Braverman this season.
Grey's Anatomy:
When Mark Sloane (Eric Dane) died on Grey's Anatomy, it was heartbreaking. He had just professed his love for Lexie (Chyler Leigh), only to watch her die. After she died, he clung to life long enough to make it back to Seattle Grace Mercy West to say goodbye to his daughter and all of his friends. Then, he joined his soul mate in death. — Sydney Bucksbaum
Glee:
Kurt (Chris Colfer) finally worked up the nerve to start forgiving Blaine (Darren Criss) for cheating on him. He called Blaine; you could see the relief in the latter's face when Kurt offered Blaine the chance for a mature conversation over Christmas break. And then, to cap it all off, they exchanged tearful "I love yous," proving there might still be hope left for these two soul mates. — Sydney Bucksbaum
The Vampire Diaries:
Alaric Saltzman (Matthew Davis) was forced to transition into a vampire-vampire-hunter, he made the choice to not complete the process so his friends would be safe, knowing he would die. He shared one last bottle of whiskey with his friend Damon, and passed peacefully... that is, until a possessed Bonnie (Kat Graham) swooped in at the last minute to complete the process for him. After he died permanently, he showed up as a ghost to say his final goodbye to Jeremy, telling him he has to be the man of the house. Alaric made one more surprise cameo at the beginning of this season, invisible to everyone including Damon (Ian Somerhalder). He sat next to Damon, listening to him rant about being left alone, and summed everything up in one simple sentence: "I miss you too, buddy." — Sydney Bucksbaum
Sons of Anarchy:
The death of Jax Teller’s best friend Opie (Ryan Hurst) was one of the most brutal, heartbreaking deaths in the series history, and probably TV history. Not only did Opie sacrifice himself for the club, submitting to a prison brawl orchestrated by the warden in which multiple inmates are allowed to beat him to death, but we saw every second of it. Left to defend himself with only a lead pipe, Opie is quickly brought to his knees, killed by the final screen-center blow to the back of the head while Jax watches from the next room. No amount of tears could wash that image from an SoA fan’s mind. — Kelsea Stahler
Community:
The legendary (and long awaited) “Virtual Systems Analysis” episode of Community sent viewers full-force into the brain of Abed Nadir (Danny Pudi), which is at once hilarious, horrifying, and heartbreaking. When the conclusion of the episode landed Abed into a manifestation of his biggest fears — recalling memories of his time being ostracized, bullied, and shoved into lockers during his middle school days — the oft masked inner pain of the character was revealed vividly. Abed’s psychological journey reminded us that no matter how old we grow or how far we go, the children within us — and all the sadness we earned in childhood — will follow us diligently throughout, just aching to take over whenever something frightening or hurtful happens.” — Michael Arbeiter
Louie:
The stellar Season 3 of Louie could make us laugh until we cried (i.e. the doll scene in the finale), but sometimes the groundbreaking show just plain broke our hearts. When Louie (Louis C.K.) went on his date with Liz/Tape Recorder (the brilliant Parker Posey) in "Daddy's Girlfriend, Pt. 2", it became apparent she is someone who is suffering. When they finally make it to the roof, she tells a worried Louie "The only way I'd fall is if I jumped. That's why you're afraid to come over here. Because a part of you wants to jump, because it'd be so easy. But I don't want to jump. I'd never do that. I'm having too good of a time." But its obvious, from the sadness and desperation in her eyes, she's thought about it. She's always thinking about it. The scene is even sadder when you know what eventually happens to her character at the end of the season.
Parks and Recreation:
See! Like we promised, it's not all super sad stuff. Who didn't cry the happiest of happy tears when Sexy Elf King Ben Wyatt (Adam Scott) proposed to the world's greatest human ever Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler)? She didn't want to forget a single moment of the romantic surprise, and neither did we.
[Photo credits: AMC (2), NBC, ABC, Fox, The CW, FX, NBC, FX, NBC]
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Staff Picks: The 15 Best TV Shows of 2012 (And the 5 Worst)
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The yellow one at the top of the White House Christmas tree was not the only star in the vicinity at this year's annual White House Christmas tree-lighting ceremony. The first family was joined by some of Hollywood's finest for the event.
Modern Family's Rico Rodriguez joined the First Lady Michelle Obama for a reading of the Christmas classic poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas," more popularly known as "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." Rodriguez even joked that he would be joining the Obamas on their holiday vacation in Hawaii. Now, that's one modern family outing we'd like to see!
How I Met Your Mother's Neil Patrick Harris hosted the event, welcoming Barack, Michelle, and their two daughters Sasha and Malia to the stage. Is it just us, or does it look like Harris is giving the POTUS a once-over? We can't blame him — that man is one fine prez.
Barack led the countdown, and then his daughters pressed the button to light up the big tree as the 17,000 people in attendance oohed and ahhed. The event also featured festive musical performances from Jason Mraz, Phillip Phillips, James Taylor, and Babyface.
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Paul Morigi/WireImage; Mark Wilson/Getty Images]
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The Best and Worst TV Deaths of 2012
Best AND Worst: Alaric Saltzman on The Vampire Diaries
How he died: After being turned against his will into an Original vampire/vampire hunter with his life tied to Elena’s, Elena drowned. Alaric died, and came back as a ghost to say goodbye to Jeremy.
Why it worked (by Sydney Bucksbaum): There was some debate of whether Alaric’s death worked or not. I believe his death worked because it still gets me in tears thinking about it, it worked so well. The entire goodbye scene both in the cemetery before he turned into an Original vampire/vampire hunter and as a ghost with Jeremy after he died, and then his surprise cameo as an unseen ghost with Damon in the cemetery all was so moving and it never got cheesy or bad. It was a beautiful send off for a fan favorite. So I ultimately decided it was a best, not because we wanted to see him go but because the way TVD did it was good and right.
Why it didn’t work (by Jean Bentley): Sure, it was a beautiful sendoff for a fan favorite character, but that doesn't make the sting of the vampire hunter/history teacher/father figure's loss any less horrible. Even worse: Matt Davis left to star in The CW's worst show of 2012-2013, Cult. At least TVD is a supernatural show, so there's a chance Alaric could grace us with his presence again, and not just in a touching graveside/barside chat with Damon.
&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://polldaddy.com/poll/6732929/"&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Do you think Alaric Saltzman's death worked?&amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
Worst: Elena Gilbert as a human on The Vampire Diaries
How she died: Drowned after her car went off a bridge, but had vampire blood in her system and transitioned into a vampire
Why it didn’t work: While it completely changed the format of the show in a good way, Elena has become the whiniest, most annoying vampire ever. Seriously, will she ever stop crying or complaining? We get it, you are a vampire, but there are some serious advantages to your new lifestyle. Take advantage of them! And now there is talk of her being sired to Damon? Come. On.
Best: Lori Grimes on The Walking Dead
How she died: Giving birth to daughter Judith via C-section without painkillers, antiseptics, or doctors
Why it worked: Lori had made amends with everyone, and knew the only thing left to do to redeem her past transgressions was to give up her life for her daughter’s.
Best: Dale on The Walking Dead
How he died: Pissed at his group, he wandered off into the night right into a walker that tore into his major organs
Why it worked: It was so shocking. Out of nowhere, a walker just jumped on him, even in the safety of the farm. It proved that the Grimes gang wasn’t truly safe anywhere anymore.
Best: Lexie Grey on Grey’s Anatomy
How she died: Crushed under debris from a plane crash
Why it worked: She had finally gained closure with Mark, professing her love for him. They talked through how the rest of their lives would be, together, even though they knew she wasn’t making it out of there alive. It was beautiful, moving, and had us in tears.
Best: Mark Sloane on Grey’s Anatomy
How he died: Complications from injuries and surgeries following a plane crash
Why it worked: He achieved closure with Lexie, professing his love for her. After she died, he clung to life long enough to make it back to Seattle Grace Mercy West to say goodbye to his daughter and all of his friends. Then, he joined his soul mate in death.
Worst: Dan Scott on One Tree Hill
How he died: Taking a bullet that was meant for his son, Nathan
Why it didn’t work: The fact that everyone praised Dan for being a hero for saving Nathan seemed to cause an amnesia epidemic. Did we all forget this man murdered his own brother in cold blood? Good riddance.
Best: Renly Baratheon on Game of Thrones
How he died: Melisandre’s shadow baby spirit appeared out of nowhere to assassinate him the night before a big battle
Why it worked: On a show where you constantly fear for every character’s death, it takes a lot for a death to come completely out of nowhere and surprise you. His death also changed the course of the final battle of Season 2
Worst: Percy on Nikita
How he died: Nikita dropped him down 3 stories
Why it didn’t work: For two seasons we were operating under the known fact that Percy could not be killed or else hundreds of dirty government secrets would be released to the public, causing mass outrage and panic. And in one minute Birkhoff was able to hack into the black box and contain the information, when he was never able to even entertain the idea that he could? It seemed a little too easy, neat, and tidy to me.
Best: Sammy the dog on Revenge
How he died: Old age
Why it worked: While incredibly sad, Sammy’s death broke down the walls between Emily and Jack, and allowed them to have their first real kiss, which Daniel saw, leading him to break off his engagement to Emily.
Worst: Lane Pryce on Mad Men
How he died: Committed suicide in his office
Why it didn’t work: Fans had theorized that there would be a suicide in Season 5. That the falling man from the opening credits would turn out to be the shadow of slimy Pete Campbell, or even Don Draper. Lane Pryce didn't plummet to his demise (in one of the series' grimmest images, it’s revealed that he hung himself on his office door) but it was the death fans knew was creeping at every corner of the show. An absolute heartbreaker.

Last night, Barack Obama clinched a victory in the presidential race and will therefore continue to lead our country for the next four years. Many people — normal and celebrity alike — celebrated the results, but others were upset that Mitt Romney was defeated. You know who was really, really, ridiculously pissed off? Donald Trump. Big surprise.
After all of his loud support for Romney, his call for Obama's birth certificate, and that ridiculous "charitable" offer he extended to our President, Trump didn't take the loss lying down — he made sure everyone and their mother heard him complaining. His Twitter became one long complaint reel, with tweet after tweet lamenting how much trouble we are now in and how "the electoral college is a disaster for a democracy." By the time Trump called for a march on Washington to protest the results, more than a few people were rolling their eyes and letting out exasperated sighs. The Donald had gone off the deep end.
And the public's annoyance quickly spread from us regular folk to the Famous over in Hollywood. Check out the best celebrity reactions to Trump's tweets below (you tell 'em, Soulja Boy):
I'ma run a sedative up to Trump Tower #BRB— Andy Cohen (@BravoAndy) November 7, 2012
Hey Trump, did you see Mitt Romney's concession speech?That's what graciousness and good hair looks like.— Steve Levitan (@SteveLevitan) November 7, 2012
@realdonaldtrump shut up— Soulja Boy (@souljaboy) November 7, 2012
@realdonaldtrump. You trust the voters when they choose The Apprentice.But not now?— ABFoundation (@ABFalecbaldwin) November 7, 2012
Donald Trump just called for a Revolution. Doesn’t like democracy I guess.— Mark Ruffalo (@Mruff221) November 7, 2012
Donald Trump is Andy Kaufman. Do people not know that?— John Mulaney (@mulaney) November 7, 2012
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Dominic Chan/WENN]
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It was almost cruel to gift us with the perfect engagement for Mikita (“You had me at ‘Give me the damn glock!’”), and then make us wait a whole entire week to see the aftermath. Cruel, I tell you!
Well, lucky for me (but not for you! Well, maybe for you too…) I didn’t have to wait a week. I got to screen Season 3 Episode 2, “Innocence,” early, and I can promise you that it does not disappoint. The new Division is going strong, Michael (Shane West) and Nikita (Maggie Q) are even stronger, and Birkhoff is at his awesomest, nerdiest self.
In order to prepare you for tonight’s top-of-its-game Nikita, I have got some extra-juicy spoilers for you! And for all you spoiler-phobic fans, don’t worry: I’m not giving anything major away. I wouldn’t be that mean…
-At the beginning of the episode, Nikita makes her position on having children quite clear. But after certain events transpire over the course of the hour, she might waver on her previous stance…
-Just what is Michael’s last name, anyway?
-While we, as fans, were over the moon about Mikita’s engagement, Birkhoff is decidedly less so. Now, before you go all DOWN WITH BIRKHOFF, he has his reasons. Specifically, that one of the guys in the running for best man (a.k.a. Birkhoff) was left out of the loop of the engagement! The way he found out about the proposal is so classically Nikita that it made me giggle, but Birkhoff was not feeling the love.
-Taking down the Dirty 30 of the week tonight may be more than Nikita &amp; Co. bargained for, seeing as how this guy is Michael’s predecessor, albeit a much more ruthless version. The reason Michael replaced him as the recruit trainer? This guy beat a recruit to death, with his bare hands. And let me tell you, he hasn’t been letting his recruit training skills get rusty.
-As I mentioned above, Birkhoff is at his awesomest, nerdiest self tonight. Just wait until you hear his robot voice. I can’t give justice to it here and I won’t even try. It’s that amazing.
-We always knew Michael and Nikita have had a thing for each other from their days back in Percy’s Division, but tonight you’ll see just how far back they go. There was a Mikita before we even had hope for a Mikita.
-Alex's (Lyndsy Fonseca) storyline, especially the last scene, is a tearjerker. And while it’s not impossible to get me crying, it certainly takes something big. We haven’t really delved into the aftermath of Alexandra Udinov’s public return that much. And if you think about it, her story is an amazing one (at least to the public): little girl gets kidnapped and finds her way back to her family years later. While you see so many stories on the news about children getting kidnapped, you don’t exactly hear as many stories about them getting home safely. Alex has been so desensitized to her situation in light of taking down Percy’s Division that only now is she really getting to focus on dealing with her past. And that rears its head during tonight’s mission. Will she finally get some closure?
-And of course, the swelling Florence + the Machine’s "Never Let Me Go", also heard in the greatest Damon/Elena scene to date in The Vampire Diaries, gives the emotional ending an extra punch or two. Like I said, it’s a tearjerker. Prepare yourselves with tissues, my friends.
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Ben Mark Holzberg/The CW]
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David Mitchell's novel Cloud Atlas consists of six stories set in various periods between 1850 and a time far into Earth's post-apocalyptic future. Each segment lives on its own the previous first person account picked up and read by a character in its successor creating connective tissue between each moment in time. The various stories remain intact for Tom Tykwer's (Run Lola Run) Lana Wachowski's and Andy Wachowski's (The Matrix) film adaptation which debuted at the Toronto International Film Festival. The massive change comes from the interweaving of the book's parts into one three-hour saga — a move that elevates the material and transforms Cloud Atlas in to a work of epic proportions.
Don't be turned off by the runtime — Cloud Atlas moves at lightning pace as it cuts back and forth between its various threads: an American notary sailing the Pacific; a budding musician tasked with transcribing the hummings of an accomplished 1930's composer; a '70s-era investigatory journalist who uncovers a nefarious plot tied to the local nuclear power plant; a book publisher in 2012 who goes on the run from gangsters only to be incarcerated in a nursing home; Sonmi~451 a clone in Neo Seoul who takes on the oppressive government that enslaves her; and a primitive human from the future who teams with one of the few remaining technologically-advanced Earthlings in order to survive. Dense but so was the unfamiliar world of The Matrix. Cloud Atlas has more moving parts than the Wachowskis' seminal sci-fi flick but with additional ambition to boot. Every second is a sight to behold.
The members of the directing trio are known for their visual prowess but Cloud Atlas is a movie about juxtaposition. The art of editing is normally a seamless one — unless someone is really into the craft the cutting of a film is rarely a post-viewing talking point — but Cloud Atlas turns the editor into one of the cast members an obvious player who ties the film together with brilliant cross-cutting and overlapping dialogue. Timothy Cavendish the elderly publisher could be musing on his need to escape and the film will wander to the events of Sonmi~451 or the tortured music apprentice Robert Frobisher also feeling the impulse to run. The details of each world seep into one another but the real joy comes from watching each carefully selected scene fall into place. You never feel lost in Cloud Atlas even when Tykwer and the Wachowskis have infused three action sequences — a gritty car chase in the '70s a kinetic chase through Neo Seoul and a foot race through the forests of future millennia — into one extended set piece. This is a unified film with distinct parts echoing the themes of human interconnectivity.
The biggest treat is watching Cloud Atlas' ensemble tackle the diverse array of characters sprinkled into the stories. No film in recent memory has afforded a cast this type of opportunity yet another form of juxtaposition that wows. Within a few seconds Tom Hanks will go from near-neanderthal to British gangster to wily 19th century doctor. Halle Berry Hugh Grant Jim Sturgess Jim Broadbent Ben Whishaw Hugo Weaving and Susan Sarandon play the same game taking on roles of different sexes races and the like. (Weaving as an evil nurse returning to his Priscilla Queen of the Desert cross-dressing roots is mind-blowing.) The cast's dedication to inhabiting their roles on every level helps us quickly understand the worlds. We know it's Halle Berry behind the fair skinned wife of the lunatic composer but she's never playing Halle Berry. Even when the actors are playing variations on themselves they're glowing with the film's overall epic feel. Jim Broadbent's wickedly funny modern segment a Tykwer creation that packs a particularly German sense of humor is on a smaller scale than the rest of the film but the actor never dials it down. Every story character and scene in Cloud Atlas commits to a style. That diversity keeps the swirling maelstrom of a movie in check.
Cloud Atlas poses big questions without losing track of its human element the characters at the heart of each story. A slower moment or two may have helped the Wachowskis' and Tykwer's film to hit a powerful emotional chord but the finished product still proves mainstream movies can ask questions while laying over explosive action scenes. This year there won't be a bigger movie in terms of scope in terms of ideas and in terms of heart than Cloud Atlas.
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Pilots and guest stars and bears, oh my! Well, not really with the bears, but I head out to Chicago for four days and Dr. George O'Malley and Jane Fonda are back on TV? I'm never going on vacation again! Check out all the scoopage below:
Mark-Paul Gosselaar Gets Happy: Oh, now THIS is a match made in TV heaven. Mr. Zack Morris himself, known in the "real world" as Mark-Paul Gosselaar, will head to Happy Endings for the third season's tenth episode, where he'll be playing Max's mysterious new roommate, Chase. We're thinking this bodes well for Alex and Dave round 2, no? [EW]
The Good Wife Lands a Grey's Vet: Dr. George O’Malley will rise from the dead! Well, not really, but actor T.R. Knight of Grey's Anatomy fame will guest-star on The Good Wife this season, playing a political operative. No word yet on Izzie. [EW]
William Hurt Signs on to a Real Challenge: Hollywood legend William Hurt has officially signed on to play physicist Richard Feynman, one of the most famous scientists of the 20th century, for an upcoming BBC/Science Channel drama about the commission that investigated the Challenger disaster. Feynman figured out that the disaster was caused by the shuttle's primary O-ring not sealing properly. We have no clue what that means, but are sure the movie will be great. [Vulture]
Jake Johnson Joins The B Team: Thought you were done with single-camera comedy pilot news? Think again! But we're happy about this one, since it involves The New Girl's Nick, AKA Jake Johnson. Johnson and Max Winkler will write and produce The B Team for Fox, a show about five underdogs who form a real-world version of The Avengers, with absolutely no superpowers whatsoever. Fox may be sold on the pilot, but we think we're already sold on the show. Schmidt cameo, please? [Deadline]
Jennifer Garner to Produce NBC Comedy: Thought you were done with celebrities producing pilots news? Think again! But this could be cool, since it involves Jennifer Garner taking on a project from funny lady writer Ellen Rapoport. Garner's Vandalia Films will produce Rapoport's so-far untitled semi-autobiographical comedy, which focuses on a nerdy twentysomething named Allie. Allie will befriend a couple of promiscuous party girls, and everyone will do funny things and, along the way, learn some valuable lessons. Yep, sounds like our 20's! [Deadline]
Hangover Writers Will Now Cause TV Hangovers: Sold! The Hangover scribes Jon Lucas and Scott Moore have a put pilot commitment with ABC for Mixology, a comedy that will mark the duo's first foray into television. Of course, since it's the Hangover guys, the show will focus on five guys and five girls trying to find love in a hopeless place... a trendy Manhattan bar. Sounds like a headache. Lucas and Moore will also executive produce. [Deadline]
Watch Your Back, Nolan: Looks like Revenge-a-holic Emily Thorne will have some more permanent help this season: Barry Sloane, who plays Emily's mysterious old Revenge-mate Aiden Mathis, has been promoted to series regular. He'll receive perma-billing in the back nine, and he has an option to continue as a regular next year if the show gets a Season 3. Yeah. If. [Deadline]
Jane Fonda Left The Newsroom... So, Now What?: She's baaack! Jane Fonda, who recently impressed with her guest turn on HBO's The Newsroom, has landed a starring role in an ABC comedy currently titled, Now What? The single-camera comedy will focus on a mother-daughter duo who move in together after the daughter writes a blog post entitled, "Dear Mom, Here's Why I Hate You..." Yikes! [Variety]
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: DailyCeleb.com]
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It was the trickle of pee heard around the world. Cannes attendees were aghast and/or amused an infamous scene from The Paperboy that shows Nicole Kidman urinating on Zac Efron; this is apparently a great salve for jellyfish burns which were covering our Ken Doll-like protagonist. (In fact the term protagonist should be used very loosely for Efron's character Jack who is mostly acted upon than active throughout.)
Lurid! Sexy! Perverse! Trashy! Whether or not it's actually effective is overshadowed by all the hubbub that's attached itself to the movie for better or worse. In fact the movie is all of these things — but that's actually not a compliment. What could have become somethingmemorable is jaw-droppingly bad (when it's not hilarious). Director Lee Daniels uses a few different visual styles throughout from a stark black and white palette for a crime scene recreation at the beginning to a '70s porno aesthetic that oscillates between psychedelic and straight-up sweaty with an emphasis on Efron's tighty-whiteys. This only enhances the sloppiness of the script which uses lines like narrator/housekeeper/nanny Anita's (Macy Gray) "You ain't tired enough to be retired " to conjure up the down-home wisdom of the South. Despite Gray's musical talents she is not a good choice for a narrator or an actor for that matter. In a way — insofar as they're perhaps the only female characters given a chunk of screen time — her foil is Charlotte Bless Nicole Kidman's character. Anita is the mother figure who wears as we see in an early scene control-top pantyhose whereas Charlotte is all clam diggers and Barbie doll make-up. Or as Anita puts it "an oversexed Barbie doll."
The slapdash plot is that Jack's older brother Ward (Matthew McConaughey) comes back to town with his colleague Yardley (David Oyelowo) to investigate the case of a death row criminal named Hillary Van Wetter. Yardley is black and British which seems to confuse many of the people he meets in this backwoods town. Hillary (John Cusack) hidden under a mop of greasy black hair) is a slack-jawed yokel who could care less if he's going to be killed for a crime he might or might not have committed. He is way more interested in his bride-to-be Charlotte who has fallen in love with him through letters — this is her thing apparently writing letters and falling in love with inmates — and has rushed to help Ward and Yardley free her man. In the meantime we're subjected to at least one simulated sex scene that will haunt your dreams forever. Besides Hillary's shortcomings as a character that could rustle up any sort of empathy the case itself is so boring it begs the question why a respected journalist would be interested enough to pursue it.
The rest of the movie is filled with longing an attempt to place any the story in some sort of social context via class and race even more Zac Efron's underwear sexual violence alligator innards swamp people in comically ramshackle homes and a glimpse of one glistening McConaughey 'tock. Harmony Korine called and he wants his Gummo back.
It's probably tantalizing for this cast to take on "serious" "edgy" work by an Oscar-nominated director. Cusack ditched his boombox blasting "In Your Eyes" long ago and Efron's been trying to shed his squeaky clean image for so long that he finally dropped a condom on the red carpet for The Lorax so we'd know he's not smooth like a Ken doll despite how he was filmed by Daniels. On the other hand Nicole Kidman has been making interesting and varied career choices for years so it's confounding why she'd be interested in a one-dimensional character like Charlotte. McConaughey's on a roll and like the rest of the cast he's got plenty of interesting projects worth watching so this probably won't slow him down. Even Daniels is already shooting a new film The Butler as we can see from Oprah's dazzling Instagram feed. It's as if they all want to put The Paperboy behind them as soon as possible. It's hard to blame them.

In reality, Liam Neeson might not be able to traverse entire continents, defeating bloodthirsty militias with his bare hands in an effort to rescue members of the Lost cast. We’re not saying he definitely can’t, we’re just open to the idea that skills like these are limited to his onscreen adventures. Nonetheless, the man is quite a presence. Sauntering slowly into a hotel room in midtown Manhattan to offer interviews about the forthcoming Taken 2, Neeson carried with him an effortless intimidation — I knew, logically, that he wasn’t there to exact revenge on any of us… but it still didn’t seem like a great idea to cross him.
But hulking stature and deliberate speech patterns aside, Neeson took time to prove that he’s just your average guy: a fan of Ricky Gervais, afraid of roller coasters, and close friends with a Special Operatives agent who exacts top secret missions all over the world. An average guy.
“There’s a gentleman I worked with a few years ago who is a Special Operatives soldier,” Neeson began, citing the man in question to illustrate the authenticity of his Taken character, “He works for various governments. And he’s a pal. I see him for a week, and then he disappears. I’ll see him in three weeks’ time, and he’s got a bullet wound in his side or something on his shoulder. And he’s been jettisoned into Afghanistan or Pakistan for four days to do some mission. And then he comes back out again. He doesn’t tell me details, obviously, because it’s secret stuff he’s doing. But he’s quite extraordinary.”
“If he walked into this room now, you wouldn’t notice him,” Neeson continued. “He’s just a regular guy. But he has this particular set of skills. And he’s been using them in various countries for years, for various governments. He’s walked through airports with suitcases filled with hardware — he shows a card and he has carte blanche.”
And as Neeson, 60, explained, the training undertaken by men like his friend is similar to the stuff you’ll see Bryan Mills do onscreen in the upcoming sequel to the 2008 action-thriller. “I know it sounds crazy, doesn’t it? When I first read the script, I thought, ‘Oh, come on.’” But through research, the actor came to recognize the authenticity in Mills’ abilities. “They’re based on stuff these guys learn. Obviously, because it’s a dramatic movie, for entertainment it’s somewhat heightened. But they are actually based on stuff they do — these Special Forces. Take them out somewhere, blindfold them, say, ‘Be back in two hours. You’ve got two hours to find your way back.’”
Even shooting a fictional movie about agents like these poses dangers. “I do my own fights, [but] I don’t do my own stunts,” Neeson explained. “Our stunt coordinator, Alain Figlarz, is an ex-French Special Forces soldier. Close hand-to-hand combat stuff.” The actor went on to highlight the lengths braved to film Taken 2’s high-stakes car chase scene: “They have these things called top riders, I think. You have these amazing French drivers sitting on the roof of the car with a steering mechanism, who is actually driving the car. So you’re in, driving — in this case, Maggie [Grace] was driving — there’s no CGI. You’re barreling up these streets. This amazing stunt driver on the roof of the car is actually doing the work. But it’s terrifying.”
That isn’t a particular area of the action that Neeson is likely to explore anytime soon — the man is no fan of heights. “I get dizzy on a thick carpet, for a start. That’s my way of introducing the fact that I hate roller coaster rides,” he began. “My kids have begged me over the years when we’re at roller coaster rides, ‘Dad, please come with me on this.’ Of course, as a father, you think, ‘Yeah, of course I will, son.’ No. ‘I love you to death, but there’s no way I’m getting on that f***ing ride.’”
It’s this type of vicarious thrill — the desire to live through people who can do things the rest of us can’t — that makes the original movie so irresistible. Even Neeson himself can’t resist watching it whenever he catches it on TV: “I do love the compactness of it. I’ve checked it myself a couple of times [on television], and I’ve found it’s suddenly a half-an-hour later. I’m into it … A great beginning, a fantastic middle, and a very pleasurable end.”
And he’s not alone: from the United States, to Ireland (where Neeson recounted that his own nephews downloaded the movie before it even hit national theaters), to South Korea, Taken proved itself a worldwide sensation.
“I had just come back from South Korea,” Neeson recollected, “where the first one did amazing. I felt like one of The Beatles, to be honest with you.” Of course, America had a similar attitude toward the movie: “It was Number 1, then it slipped to Number 2. Then it went to Number 3. Then it went up to Number 2 again. It was hovering all over the place for a while. Just a good word of mouth, I guess.”
But despite its success, Neeson wasn’t initially sold on the idea of a Taken sequel. “When Luc Basson approached me [with the idea of a sequel] — this was a few years ago — I thought, ‘Come on, Luc. You can’t. What can you do?’ And he said, ‘Leave it with us. We’re thinking up something.’”
And eventually, Basson and cowriter Robert Mark Kamen developed a story that encouraged Neeson. “My character kills 27 of these Albanians in the first one. All of these bad guys. But these guys are human beings who have families, and uncles, and fathers. It’s great to start a movie with a burial. The wonderful Rade [Serbedzija], a Croatian actor, in the dirt as this grieving father whose son died horribly at my hands. It’s a wonderful kickoff to a movie.”
One of the biggest perks for Neeson in the making of Taken 2 was the opportunity to visit Istanbul. “‘That’s certainly one city I’d love to see,’” the actor remembers thinking during Basson’s original pitch. “I’ve read so much about Constantinople, as it used to be, from when I was doing Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven. It is the gateway from the West to the East. So many generations of conquests. And you see it in the streets. You see foundation stones that were … by generations thousands of years ago.”
Neeson affectionately recalled the city’s perpetual buzz — even while Taken 2’s cast and crew were filming, Istanbul remained alive and at work: “All those car scenes we were doing, those car chases… yes, we had a police presence, but the shopkeepers and merchants of these tiny narrow streets said, ‘You shoot your film, but we’re keeping our shops open.’” That’s not acting in the backgrounds of the movie — that’s just day-to-day Turkey. “You’d see customers crossing streets the whole time. They weren’t extras. And we’re barreling over these streets in these vans at reckless streets. They were wonderful! They were very happy we were shooting in the streets. But [they were] keeping [their] shops open.”
There was a good deal of secrecy surrounding Taken 2 during the film’s production, which Neeson affirmed is “just to satisfy the fans.” The actor stated, “There’s so much publicity now with movies, and with trailers. And you think, ‘Well, I’ve seen the whole movie now.’” But as little information was leaked about the Taken sequel, it doesn’t compare to how closed-mouth Christopher Nolan was about this summer’s hit The Dark Knight Rises, in which Neeson revisited his character of R’as a Ghul.
“[Nolan] takes it to another extreme — I didn’t know I was in the movie,” Neeson said. “I went and shot a scene for two hours with Christian Bale. There was a set, and Christian was tied up.” Neeson then shared a conversation he had with director Nolan on set, doing his best impression of the filmmaker: “I said, ‘Chris, what am I doing?’ [As Nolan:] ‘Um… well, just walk forward, and say the lines, walk back, and that’ll be it, really.’ I said, ‘What the f***? Tell me the story!’ [As Nolan:] ‘Um… I’d prefer not to, really.’ Okay, don’t mind me — I’m just an actor.”
That’s not to say that Neeson hasn’t enjoyed shooting the Batman movies — he fondly recalled filming Batman Begins, making especial note of his subarctic fight scene with Bale. “I love the fight I have with Christian in Batman Begins, because we were actually on this glacier, this real glacier, in Iceland.” If that doesn’t sound safe to you, well… it probably wasn’t. “We had these glacier wranglers, believe it or not. So when we went on fighting with a reduced crew, the glacier wranglers would say, ‘Okay, everybody off.’ So we’d all stand to the side of this beautiful, big blue glacier, and this ice. You’d hear this sound of nature just moving as this thing moved, maybe a quarter of an inch. The ice kind of went ‘Rrrrr!’ And then it all stopped, and the guy would say, ‘Okay, you can go on again.’ [I thought,] ‘What are we doing here?’”
As far as projects beyond Taken 2 go, Neeson has a couple set up for the near future: “I’m going to do a Paul Haggis film next month,” Neeson said, referring to the developing project Third Person. “Just for a week. And then I start a Jaume Collet-Serra thriller [Non-Stop] up until Christmas. And then after Christmas, I go back to the Paul Haggis film for a final two weeks.”
But what about Neeson’s future in comedy? Following the actor’s remarkably hilarious (albeit highly inappropriate) appearance opposite Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant on the pair’s HBO series Life’s Too Short, Neeson fielded questions about his interest in manning a comedy film, which he’d be interested in “if Ricky and Stephen wrote something.” He affirmed that it was a great experience shooting the scene: “I didn’t change one semicolon in that script. That was all their writing … It was fun doing that with those guys. I am a terrible corpser. If you don’t know what ‘corpser’ means, it means you laugh a lot. But shooting this thing, they were laughing more than I was, which gave me confidence.”
So while Neeson might not have any definitive plans to bring his comedic talents to the big screen, he at least has two new dramas in production — plus the Taken sequel, which hits theaters on Friday. But is there any room for a Taken 3 in Neeson’s future? “I think this is the end,” the actor said confidently. “I mean, how many times can she be taken? It’s bad parenthood, really.”
[Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox]
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