Friday, January 15, 2016

15. Am I doing this wrong?

I've been back out dating again recently. I've been on a handful these past few months. Most of

them have started to look alike: beverages, food, conversation, and at some point the bill gets paid. I’ve met some really nice girls, but I think that’s where it’s ended.

I hate being that guy who complains or whines about dating or lack of a love life or whatever, but you can only tell yourself that so many times before you question yourself.

And yes I know nothing is wrong with me. I’m a generally well-adjusted person who thinks of others before himself (most of the time.) I have interesting hobbies and I’m in decent shape. I have a good job and I’m a motivated person. I can speak well on cultural and political events. I like to listen just as much as I like to talk (maybe even more.) I’m also a pretty damn nice person.

I know what I like: breweries, hikes, basketball games, comedy shows, along with a number of other things.

I’m also out there. Like really out there. I’ve been on a few different dating apps. I’m not afraid to reach out and make a connection. I say yes to others setting me up. I’m generally open to new meeting new people. I try to be socially active.

I’ve also lowered expectations. I know that sounds horrible but it’s really not. I expect to be with someone who shares the same values, possesses passion and motivation, and remains curious about the people and community around them. But I shouldn’t expect things to be like a Nicholas Sparks novel. Life is boring lots of the time. It doesn’t make for easy reading, or even particularly enthralling story.

I just try to do my thing, take advantage of opportunities that present themselves, and try not to get stuck in neutral.

So why hasn’t two plus equaled four yet?

I really wish I could point to one thing. I think lots of things in life try to point that one thing out for us (You’re too fat! You don’t dress well enough! You’re not going out enough! You need richer friends!)

I’ve found that conventional things related to that, at least in my case, don’t matter. Or at least I don’t care to listen to most of them. Yes, I’d like to dress fairly well, but I don’t want to spend 300 dollars on a shirt. I like to eat at nice restaurants, but I don’t need to go to THE place to be seen. I’m also pretty happy with my 2007 Honda. And damnit, people like me anyway!

So maybe it’s just continuing to take care of myself. I sometimes tear myself down after dates where I feel like it isn’t going anywhere. I feel like it’s my fault and I just shut down. And that’s fine to do, just make sure to come back up for some air, dry off, and try again.