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He really is such a good pup

I think his responses should be noted in this section of my blog as a starting point for the understanding of our D/s relationship. We began our relationship last December and at first we struggled with maintaining a 24/7 D/s lifestyle. Truthfully, I believe that came from a number of issues including expectations about D/s, knowledge of one another’s real needs and experiences, and the foggy excitement of a new relationship.

We have come so far since then, and now we enjoy a full-time D/s relationship built on trust, communication, honesty, and love. Yes love, I love my pup, he is my treasure and although he is submissive to me I see him as my equal, something he still finds confusing. I can say this though, I am not interested in maintaining a relationship with an object, or a brainless overly dependent weak submissive. I do not find that at all fulfilling, I enjoy that he has a mind of his own, he is successful, intelligent, and independent, yet he chooses to submit to my will for him and our relationship. This is a wonderful gift, and yes be sure that it is a gift, true submission is a gift that is given to a Dominant, if you take the will to decide for oneself without consent that is not submission, it is enslavement, and it is illegal.

I am happy that he could participate in this exercise, so often the “why?” in a submissive’s journey is overlooked, this questionnaire provided a great opportunity for him to explore that on his own. I am very pleased with the result, and it is very evident to me how he has grown since our first December together.

As my Mistress showed me Slutlyfe’s Blog on what type of submissive am I, I had a sudden interest to fill it and find the answers for my own personal need. Since I started just a while ago, sometimes I still have questions about myself that I need to answer and always in the understanding that some questions can only be answered by myself. It is always beneficial for both parties to find out what a sub likes, it encourages personal growth, self-worth and of course, opens the mind.

1. How much do you like being owned? On a scale of 0 to 10. Do you enjoy hearing “You are mine I own you?”, this extends to being marked as someone’s property, being someone’s baby, little girl, slave, their thing, etc.

9. Knowing that you are worth something to someone is very appealing to me and knowing that I can trust that same someone is important to me. Branding is something i have let my Mistress do in the past and is something I would do again.

2. How much do you like to serve, on a scale of 1-10 — 0 being “I do not much care to serve people”, 10 being “It is my life to serve you! Let me massage your feet, bring you a drink, etc…”

7. I enjoy serving my Mistress but sometimes, and excuse my expression, I just want to say fuck it. Being the rebellious type at times it can be difficult.

3. How much do you want to be degraded, yelled at, called “dirty” or a “slut”. (This includes being humiliated, made to do things in public, objectified etc.)

0. Just er. Degradation is not something I enjoy. However if my Mistress wishes to degrade me for her personal pleasure, I will accept it.

4. How much do you want to be tied down and restrained. This means to be restricted, having your ability to move being restricted via being tied up. (This can include being caged.)

8. Love it, feeling someone’s power over me, quite a turn on. I need it at least on a regular basis, that feeling of giving the ability of empowerment to somebody else.

5. Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can “beat” someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someone’s physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you…its not the pain but being the focus of a partner’s aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.

10. Major turn on, if I can relief my Mistress of any anger in that way, I would enjoy every bit of it. Even as punishment, I have to admit I enjoy it. It straightens me quickly.

6. How much do you like to be fucked…This may not be about penetration–but having someone devote sexual attention to you. How much do you like to be the focus of someone’s sexual attention? Thrown down and fucked, used for someone’s pleasure…

10. Also a major turn on. Knowing that I can be that much of a turn on for a person.

7. How much do you desire to be given away — In the Story of O, at the final scene, the character is “given away” to someone by her lover. When this happens in real life, usually it’s not permanent, but perhaps you’ve been very “bad”, so your partner’s friends are going to use you. This reinforces the fact that you are such a powerful object of pleasure.

I am very confused about what I would want out of a BDSM relationship, and this seems like a good place to ask, before I get in over my head. I have the desire to submit/be submissive to a partner, but I’m not sure I want this to be 24/7, and yet I have no desire to dominate. What does this mean for me?

If you want to be submissive, then I am not sure how the need to be dominant at any point in the relationship is a question you should even need to ask yourself. I believe you have answered your own question, you have no inclination to be the dominant partner in the exchange. I would suggest you fully explore your submissive qualities/interests. In which ways do you want to serve? What skills do you have that you could offer a Dominant? Is is sexual submission you are interested in solely or you have no interest in sex being a part of your submission. These are important questions that you need to ask yourself before you ever give your submission to another whether permanent or otherwise. I realize this response comes late, I hope though that in your journey you take time to consider the questions I have suggested.