If you want to make a change in your relationship, stop focusing on changing the relationship, instead the focus should be on changing the habits within the relationship. Habits! They are the single most important part of our lives and thus our relationships. You are what you do, so if you do loving and together type things, then that is exactly what kind of relationship you will have. Think about it. If you see someone with a very fit body, defined muscles, a flat rippled stomach, then you should begin to wonder, “what habits do they have to support such fitness”? Sits ups, jogging, etc., well, the same should be thought with loving couples. Hand holding, kissing, compliments, these are the habits that increase a relationship’s “fitness”. The best way to accomplish any goal is to shrink it, break it down into doable pieces. Too often we set goals that are too big and thus get discouraged and reduce our ability to complete the task. We should not try “fix the relationship”, that is simply too big. Just as going to the gym to get a six pack would be too big, you simply have to focus on doing the […]

If you love someone, treat them that way always! It is shocking how often we talk to our partners in anger or frustration, not sounding like we are talking to the love of our lives. Words are powerful and can never be unsaid, so, make sure you are using words to always make it clear that your love is present even in times of frustrations and anger, remember you are talking to the love of you life, remember you are talking to your life partner. Always treat your partner as if your love is present. When we love someone it should show, it should be present in the very way we treat our partner. Someone watching you from a far should see love, should be able to detect the presence of deep love. Even when a problem arises it should be clear that the problem has not over come the love. This is the “secret” to having a happy marriage, walk it, talk it, act it. Even when it is hardest. In fact, especially when it is hardest. It is easy to be happy when everything is running smooth, strength comes from being loving when it is toughest. This is […]

If you value your relationship, protect it! Surround it with people that value you and your partner. People that will care enough for you and your partner to ask each of you to do the hard work needed to make a relationship successful. When problems arise in a relationship it’s easy to find someone that will say, “dump his ass” or “don’t take that from her”. People willing to say such things seem to be everywhere. However, finding someone that will encourage and harder work within the relationship or to suggest that forgiveness is more appropriate than revenge, cooperation is more effective than manipulation. Relationships that breakup are often surrounded by friends that have had relationships break up. Surrounding your relationship with advocates and true friends that want the very best for you will drastically increase a relationship’s ability to be the very best it could be. Warmly, Elliott Connie

Can you create a smile on your partners face daily? This is such a simple and powerful goal, and yet it is one that we forget to do for our partners. We forget that the activities that create smiles are the same actions that create happy relationships. The good news is we all have this ability, in fact we are built for it. We do this so naturally that in the beginning of the relationship just the thought of your new partner was enough to put this smile on your face and create the motivation for you to trigger your partner to smile as well. However, life often becomes so complicated and difficult that we forget just how powerful and special these moments are. Instead we focus on work, problems with the children and the drudgery of household tasks. The small things that used to frequently appear in your relationship triggering smiles are now replaced by negative interactions that trigger arguments. Do this simple thing to reverse this habit, do this simple thing to rediscover the power of smiles in your relationship. Intentionally do something every day with the sole purpose of making your partner smile. Sit back and enjoy […]

Do you remember the very first time you met your partner? The very first time you realized you were meeting someone that would change your life forever? That must have been a special moment, it must have a moment that you would like to relive over and over again. How often do you and your spouse talk about that moment? How often do you recall this moment to your friends and others close to you? In fact, how often do you to tell those close to you about the very best of your relationship at all? It is easy for us to begin to complain about the difficulties of our relationship or gripe about some problem that has arisen between ourselves and our partner. However, if we want to get the best out of our relationship then we have to engage in the exact opposite behavior. We have to tell everyone who will listen about the right things in your relationship, about the very best of your partner. Don’t worry about people thinking you are bragging or showing off. Just do it! Let everyone hear the best of your relationship and invite those close to you to share about the […]

Love. It is a powerful word, but an even more powerful practice. That’s right practice. How many among us actually practice love, actually practice doing loving actions, loving actions done in their lives frequently. Can you imagine what would happen to your relationship, your life and even our world if we did? In his book “Outliers” Malcolm Gladwell promoted the idea that anything we do for 10,000 hours we gain mastery over. That is to mean that anything we practice, the more we do it, the better we get at it. I have thought about this and it makes me wonder, how many of us are practicing love? How many of us devote time in our days to do loving actions in the same way that Michael Jordan devoted time in his day to practice basketball? If we did, it stands to reason we would get as good at love as he did at basketball. Instead, we accidentally allow our days to get bogged down with the daily activities of life and we forget the most important skill that needs to be practiced. Love. We start focusing on what we would like our partners to change and not showing them […]

Want to know a tactic that can improve your relationship immediately? Keep reading. Here is a simple thing that anyone can do to bring out the very best in your relationship and your partner. It is called the, “Reasons I Love You List” and here is how it works. It has three steps. Step1: Secretly begin making a list of all of the reasons/things you love about your partner. Be specific and detailed as you construct this list. Think of the reasons you fell in love with your partner, think of the things they currently do that please you still. Think of everything you can! Step 2: Go over the list with your partner, simply reveal to them what were the details that caused you to fall in love. Hold nothing back, tell your partner everything you thought of. Step 3: Since it is highly unlikely that you remembered absolutely everything about your partner when you sat down to construct your list, place the list in a public place in the home (the bathroom, refrigerator, etc.) and add details to it as they come to you each and every day. Beware! Relationships that implement this tactic may be transformed into […]