I think a lot of people have trouble being who they are simply because they have never learned just who that person is. They live their lives in a haze of self-doubt and imaginary scenarios. Make believe fantasy worlds in over inflated ego driven wastelands. It causes uncontrollable anger, depression and low self-esteem. It creates unwarranted bias, discrimination and self absorbing meaningless pride.

Some people get lost somewhere along their journey and take refuge in the gatherings of the masses. Seeking safety in the numbers of organized religious groups, prestige financial Institutions, or underground criminal establishments. Letting other people tell them who they are rather than finding out on their own.

They allow the distraction of the events that surround them because It’s easier to focus on other people rather than turn the attention to themselves.

I was born the son of a preacher man (yes they wrote a song about me).

My father was a very religious (but not a very spiritual ) man. He told me that meditation was an evil practice which opened the door for Satan to enter and take control of your soul. Now he was a Jehovah’s Witness but most religions teach this very thing. I think the Buddhist, the Kabbalistic, and the Hindus had more of a grip on reality than any of these big corporate organizations. They believed when the prophets spoke of the holy lands, of hollowed grounds and sacred places they were not speaking of churches or institutions but of specific regions of the mind. Only to be found through meditation. The very things the big churches condemned. After all there is no money in self discovery now is

there.

They believe Satan is not this monster living in the Earth’s core burning flesh and collecting souls. But it’s our stubbornness to see the truth. It’s what keeps us from our long over due return to Eden.

Some of those who have made the journey deep within the the mind to an area known as the Jade pillow. Some return speaking new languages, developing new abilities and even have been known to hear voices in their state of aware consciousness. You have to go in with the purist of thoughts and most committed intentions.

The first step to seeking true enlightenment is to first cleanse yourself of those things within that create speed bumps of sorts. The obstacles that hinder our journey. Hang ups that have left scars and make it difficult for us to pass them by. There are four levels of meditation in a cleansing exercise known as the mindful meditation. The object is to reach each surface and find those things that hold us back. Visions will be shown that represent our mental “baggage”. Once we can face those truths we can release them and begin to heal our minds. And begin the journey to the true self.

The first is the level of missed opportunities, lost loves and that which we once had but is now gone.

The second is that of regret.

The third is sorrow,

and the fourth is anger, jealousy and resentment.

In my journey through mindful meditation it took several attempts before the visions started to appear. Over a year of practice and exploration. Of discipline and structure. But eventually they came. And with them pin points that made my return to each level a lot easier.

The first level of visions that were revealed to me came in a group of four All represented by flowers.

There was a white orchid.

A Carolina Jasmine.

a purple Honeysuckle.

and a the red bud of a primrose.

I didn’t know what they meant at first but the key is not to dwell in the meaning at the time, all will be understood in the awakening process.

So the deeper in went I entered the second surface and was shown only one vision. A lady bug setting in a puddle of water. I figured if I only had but one regret in life than I was doing pretty damn good.

The third surface brought two. A view from dark closet behind a locked door and that of a woman sitting in a car in a\the heavy rain, crying.

The last leg of my journey was a little strange. I was shown nothing. So either I hold no anger or resentment and am not jealous of anything or I have just surprised it so deep I can’t seem to find it.

It might take a little more exploration to understand this particular surface of my journey.

So as I pulled myself out of this self-induced hypnotic trance. I was shown the meanings the visions I encountered.

Both sorrows represented my parents.

The closet was the pain and loneliness my father felt as a child,

And the woman in the car was my mother overcome with the knowledge that her mind was not fully in her control.

I never knew I carried the pain of my parents around with me. I always thought I would find them on the fourth surface. But it brought me an understanding and with that understanding… forgiveness.

The lady bug was my only regret but it came to me with great difficulty because it’s not seeded from an event or action from my past but from an inherited flaw in my character. One I battle every day. It may take more than just meditation to cleanse myself of this one. Removing it would completely change me.

The four flowers in the first part of my journey, well that was pretty enlightening for me as well. Those I thought I would find there were absent and the ones that were there I did not expect. It’s funny how the heart can lie, the mind can manipulate and the eyes can deceive, but the subconsciousness holds the incredible truth. You can find out things about yourself beyond the land of the Jade Pillow that you never even knew existed.

No one can be completely free of anger I’m sure. So I will definitely have to take a deeper look into this area. One thing I do know. The more obstacles I can remove the deeper I can go. The Buddhist believe the journey of meditation is complete once one reaches their true self. I would love to finish that journey. Kabbalist believe that once one reaches the true self the body dies. Hindus believe the journey flows in cycles until enlightened reaches transcendence.