Sunday, August 11, 2013

Some
prose exposing my innermost emotions. I give you my words on a wing -

BOOK OF HOURS

MATINS

Faith, Hope, Love.

Deliver me unto myself that I may finish
fretting the hours in vain, looking for what's lacking always elsewhere and
otherwise. Grant me that peace which whispers like the wind between the earth
and sky, the hush like intervals of silence between questions, between the
calls of crickets, the sorrows of the seasons forever flowing one into the
next, swift and sure as grace.

Bleach my bones and twine
my hair. When I am gone feed my flesh to carrion bent toward their erasures of
antiquity. But first grant me this: let one day the shadows lift, that enslaves
my soul to sadness.

Teach me the beauty of my
emptiness. Fill the hollows of my ribs with wistful winds until they ring like
drained crystal goblets rubbed into song.

LAUDS

Gift me in my lovelorn gloaming, the paled
ashes of remembered passion: bathe me in the glad warmth gathered like a song's
unfolding thrill that I might rise like smoke lofting up.

Cloak me in the darkness of
uncontrollable desire. Sanctify my spirit in a hunger that devours pride and
fills my veins with urgency. Twist those anguished flames around me until my
every limb curses this ripe fruit. Oh fill the abandoned rooms where my losses
gather to lament. No longer thin in my blood to drain color from my face for
want. In the half-light of love grown lambent, I can almost see a way to save
me from myself.

PRIME

Hone my gaze to the riches of detail- fine as
the fur on the belly of the bee or the vein's thin as breath lining of a
forgotten iris, translucent as thought. Reward's anxious eyes and a hasty heart
do not recognize. Toll all the bells and raise the blinds, open the shutters:
let this feeling overflow and swell the room with light. Save me from the
doubts that swarm like maggots feeding on a wound. Leave me not alone in despair,
gnawed raw to the nakedness of my existence.

TERCE

See me, as I am, in this world of aspirations
and broken dreams. Let me be more, yet possess some beauty. Heal my impatient
heart which burns within me like a cankar. Teach me not to be annoyed by my faults,
which roll within my ears as loud as thunder. Help me to love the fragile and
small, the damaged and forgotten without sorrow. Fill me with understanding as
an oak tree fills with wind. Caress my compassion; let my consciousness shake
down and cover those I love. Help me to laugh with so much feeling I shake the
earth and tremble quiet pools with my joy. Multiply my delights till they
surround me like an echo resounding in a chasm.

SEXT

Speak my mind in the tales of tongues turning
words into wonder and wile away my wasted effort sweeping aside the bitter
beauty of my betrayal. Seed the soil with loneliness until no plant will rise
and paint the bright land black that I may blend my hide against its ravaged
contours and disappear. Let me not forget the afternoons full of leisure when I
flush in blessings lolling in your swoon so abundant and light every breeze was
the lifting of time's wing.

Hide me in another season:
Use my shame like a prism to refract the light into shards of color, blushing
this deed and that, embellishing a thousand years, until the renaissance roars
of my regret that only centuries can comfort.

NONE

Grant me hope the measure of a myth and my
spirit will rebound: this love will burnish the air as if etched in lightening
and my hands will clap like thunder. For I have come so long without a sign.
Into my path

Let fall moments in
handfuls, ripe and random, a little grace the comfort of this gift. Bless the
blooms and the upstart grasses, single stark born broken-ribbed unbearable. All
hallow the stoops and leaky asylum cracked alleys filled with broken
inhabitants and dreams. Thank all the nouns we cling to, until calm blankets us
like snow.

VESPERS

Fill the evening with whispers. Smooth the air
with the waft of worship from behind my pale facade, for even anger falters
when the whole gasp of sky is mauve and gold and all the windows proclaim
aflame. Protect me from the undertow of failing light, the suck of
self-sacrifice lifting the last starling from the field leaving nothing but
crickets and the bleak embrace of black. Angels have I none nor hope enough to
fill this length of day yet let my heart rush as one with the swell of oceans,
arising and the bells dispersing evening like smoke in the thickening air.

COMPLINE

Slake my longing this heavy thirsting heart
with draughts of God until the familiar burn and bruise is cooled as if by
marble met or deep in earth the damp of darkness leaching from my skin the
lingering fever so I may sleep again. Still this fear more loyal than a lie,
that I may wake without the crease of hard dreams pressed into my flesh or the
trace of brine when I swallow empty glassfuls in every breath.

"I am certain of nothing but the holiness
of the heart's affections and the truth of the imagination".

Cultivation of the soul
might be as simple as listening to one's heart and examining the different
moments of one's life.

Perhaps enlightenment,
isn't customarily found in the blinding bolt of lightning but rather in a series
of tiny illuminations, none of which at the time seems important or interesting
but collectively combine to lift the heart and widen the aperture through which
we allow ourselves to view the infinite.

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About Me

I'm a semi-retired musician/entertainer who creates and performs his/her own music, writer, artist, painter, photographer, mathematician and I’m into making movies with high def video cameras. My taste in music is eclectic I listen to and can play most contemporary genres.
Before my musical career I’ve been an RN, phlebotomist, and was successful in a number of blue collar professions. I have several college degrees but mastered in mathematics. Also I'm very into computer science and the Internet. I’m a voracious reader, reading about two nonfiction books a week.
My goal for 2015 is to create a solid presence for both me and my works on the internet.
Personally I’m extremely atypical with a strong sense of self. I also have a genuine mind-set regarding the human condition. I don’t hate but rather feel love for everything except for humanities inhumanity it seems for every existing thing on the planet.
At this time I’m searching ubiquitously for my soul mate.
I hope that this epistle finds you and yours both healthy and in high spirits.
Cheers,
Adrian Alexis