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You have to take care of yourself.

We have come into the world a different way. We are expressly focused and working none stop to be the best we can be. We worry about the people In Our lives that matter.

Self care for us is, take care of others. Because others are taking care of us and they are not our Bio family, so it takes work creating lasting bonds and attachments. Many of us struggle to bond. We have been burned. Even if folks don't think so. We know what it feels like. You can say what you want. But we keep it in. So we will be safe. You never know, our new Mamas may fall apart and give us away too. That's a for sure worry of ours. Subconscious. Yes. But real for us. But self care is not at the top of an Adoptees life. It's all about someone else who's needs are more Important. My Mamas need was more Important that my need for her. My Mama Jeans need for me was more important than my need for my Mama. You see. It gets messy. Folks don't like me to talk like this. I've heard it all. And I admit. It cuts like a knife. Kind of like my Mama leaving me. Yeah. It does. And as much as I would love to be a candy cupcake kind of girl. That's not how it felt to me. Ok. I won't lie to make you feel better. Medicine sometimes is bitter. But if taken, can bring health back to you. I write her because I finally broke free. Like I matter. My feelings matter. My wounds matter. My love for my Mama matters. And my mental well being has been damaged from Years of living without my Mama. Like you expect me to forget my Mama just because I am adopted? Because she gave me away? Because she chose or was forced by her situation in the 60's to relinquish, I should write her off? Hmm? I guess you don't give a shit about your Mama to say that to me about my Mama? Yeah. That's cold. Folks are crazy. They say some messed upShit trying to make sense out of this shit. I am unable to forget my Mama. And as the years go by and she and I are like this, still with little to no help from folks called family, it gets worse. I fear her death will not even give me relief. I'll always have that woman on my mind, coming out of my mouth and showing up in my mannerisms. There is no running for her. She in me. So. Take care of yourself adoptee. It's time. Let go of what others say is right or wrong. What do you feel? Without judgement. If you could dare to, do like me. The unthinkable.

Break rank. Break from the pack. Go rogue. And be a pioneer. I know this.