Wednesday, December 31, 2014

One last thing before I quit on 2014...

New Year's Eve. Last hours of 2014 here in sunny Manhattan. I am feverishly debating the risks/merits of venturing out to a party in Brooklyn tonight where I might know 1-2 people. That or continue to hide from the world. I hit the gym this morning for one last half-hearted workout of this year. Had lunch with a friend for one last time this year. And now I am listening to my roommate cough up disease outside my bedroom door -- and hearing Times Square tourists blast air-horns outside on the street -- while I contemplate what's the best/worst way to spend the last few hours of this year. There will be girls at this party. Everyone knows that the greatest lasting relationships usually begin at impromptu New Years Eve parties. I know that for the fodder alone, I need to go to this party. I'm just having a hard time turning the corner on this decision.

Here is a GIF I created sometime in the past few months:

AT-AT elephant.

2014 was a loss. It may not have been the worst year but it was, in many ways, the emptiest. Maybe I just needed to fucking lose an entire year like this, to take a breath and take stock.

More and more, I feel like I can't just keep trying to get some big corporation to LET ME make a movie. I need to just start making movies.

I know what I'm capable of doing. I need to make this happen on my own terms.

Here are two more GIFs I created in the past few weeks:

Mother and daughter hitching a ride.

All right, I refuse to torture myself if I decide to not go to this party tonight. On paper, it looks like something I wouldn't do -- which is exactly the sort of thing I gravitate towards. I keep going back and forth on this. It's almost 6pm. If I go, I want to leave by 8 or 9. Trains are going to be a bitch.

I've had more painful years than 2014. Years I've made less money. Years I've gotten my heart and lungs ripped out. This is has been a less turbulent year, but that isn't necessarily good. Getting your ass kicked at least means you're still fighting.

I hate making new year resolutions... but I need to fight harder this year.