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Friday, June 5, 2009

Losening The Grip

It feels awkward right now. I wasn't worried about getting the job at camp until lately. I have the job - but come to find out that Prince is worried, my dad is worried, his mom is worried. Am I the only one that thinks I can handle it? Should I be worried? Am I overlooking things here?

My motives are pure, I promise. I'm not going there simply because Prince Charming is there. I want to work with the kids. I want to get the experience. It looks good on a resume, and it will help build leadership skills and farther my relationship with God. It seems that the ONLY 'drawback' is that my boyfriend is also working there.

And in reguards to yesterday's post about feeling hurt by being 'abandoned' by Prince, well yeah, that's how I felt in the moment. Until my dad brought something to my attention. I have seen Prince Charming everyday since I've been home from school. Maybe I'm holding on too tight? Dad told me lots of things that he didn't expect to be telling me at only 18 years of age, but because of the relationship that exsists between Prince Charming and I, he felt it necessary to enlighten me to the thinking of the wise. And I agree with a lot of what he said. And maybe I am holding on too tight. But that's really hard for me to admit.

Part of me wants to say I only hold on as tight as Prince does. But I really need to step back and do a fair evalutation of the situation before I can readily admit that it's not all my fault. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe it is me who is doing the holding. But maybe it is both of us.

I haven't spoken to Prince-y today. Nor had I planned on it. I wanted some space. I need some time to sit and figure out exactly what I want to do. But then he left a comment about my prior post, and I read his blog posting. A comment left, I decided that there was more to say on the subject and thus this post was born so that maybe some sort of air can be cleared.

Perhaps I have become like the monkey grabbing at the shiney object in the cage that is too big to fit between the bars, so it just sits there holding on because it doesn't know how to let go. Maybe I just need to learn to let things go easier. Become a little melower. Losen my grip...