Electronic Voting Machines Accidentally Allow Choice

Computer security consultants confirmed last week that voting machines produced by Diebold contain a previously unknown flaw that permits voter choice. The company promises that this was not their intention, and they will do their best to fix the problem before the upcoming congressional elections.

In recent software tests it has been discovered that the two main algorithms used within Diebold Voting Systems have lost critical functionality. These two algorithms, the Vote Switcher and the Choice Blocker, normally prevent irrational candidate selection by an uninformed electorate.

"Our voting machines have consistently performed to provide an outcome desired by our major investors and sponsors," said a Diebold executive. "We have programmers working around the clock to remove choice from the equation."

Politicians from both major parties are livid. "These crooked voting machines are a disgrace," according to Katherine Harris, GOP senate candidate in Florida, where the election is just weeks away. "I'm trailing the incumbent by sixty points – if these voting machines aren't fixed, then I have no fair way to win. It's undemocratic."

Senior officials within the Republican Party are concerned. "We've had a heavy reliance on technology in the past few years, and it could really hurt us. Although we hope Diebold can remedy this security flaw, we will continue our efforts of voter suppression and intimidation," said Ken Mehlman, before he sped off in an unmarked black van.

The national Democratic Party is also concerned about the software bug. "If these voting machines don't steal elections, we've lost our best excuse for losing elections," said DNC head Howard Dean.

Since this critical vulnerability could affect the outcome of elections around the country, the Justice Department advises that voters stay home on election day. "The true will of the American electorate has never been tested," said Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. "We're looking out for your safety," said the Attorney General. "It will be much safer to all concerned if you let the software take care of this for you."

Sample Electronic ballot displayed below

Press here if you want to Vote for GEORGE W. BUSH

Pressing Here will not count as a Vote For JOHN KERRY

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