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Monday, October 10, 2011

Sociopathy and Self-Defense

From a reader:

Last night I was reading through one of your old blog posts about love. You had an exchange with an empath which began with her raising a valid question on the nature of sociopathy. She asked if perhaps a sociopath's inability to make human connections was like an aquired defense mechanism stemming from rejection and social isolation in his youth. From the moment I became aware that I was a sociopath several months ago this is exactly what I believed. I was always shy in grade school and high school, although around my close friends and adults I was very charming. Adults often commented on the fact that I carried myself very well for someone my age. However, I could never translate that persona when talking to girls and failed miserably at every connection I tried to make. I thus spent all of my youth in the fantasy world instead of the real one when it came to dating.

I've had minor mental health problems my whole life such as severe anxiety and poor impulse control. I used to have panic attacks when I was 17. I also had a bad habit of talking to myself. Sometimes I would spend what seemed like hours talking to myself in the middle of the night. Whenever I would take a minute to reflect on the reality of what I was doing it would make me feel insane but I'd still keep doing it because it made me feel better. The point is that I was always lonely. In a nutshell, I think the emotions I had were hurting me more than they were helping me. Afterall, what good is it have love inside you if the feeling is never reciprocated by those to whom it's directed at? It created too much negative emotional baggage which prevented me from pursuing certain activities with the proper amount of confidence.

During the winter of this year I could tell my mental health was deteriorating exponentially. After suffering post traumatic stress earlier this year over something which shall remain nameless, I realized I was no longer feeling emotion. At first it was a very liberating feeling, all my past regrets and emotional worries weren't bothering me at all. I felt so good it was like I had gone through some sort of spiritual transformation. I immediately became fearless and after a couple days approached a pretty woman with confidence and had a nice conversation with her. However, after a few weeks I noticed little things here and there that began to disturb me...All of which led me to a psychiatrist and ultimately, your site. My psychiatrist didn't label me sociopathic even though I tried to hint at it in as many ways as possible. I couldn't bring myself to simply come out and tell him that I no longer had feelings for anyone. I was afraid of the ramifications that might ensue.

Which brings me back to my original point. I see sociopathy in my case serving as a self defense mechanism, shielding me from the emotional traps that caused me so much pain in the past. When I analyze the evolution of myself over the course of the years it seems that nature found a way to make me stronger therefore allowing me to accomplish more than would otherwise be possible. I'm going to do some research but I'm curious if there are books on evolutionary psychology which support this idea. It certainly seems plausible.

M.E.: I think the readers will tend to think that you're not a sociopath, just sociopathic. Certain psychologists think that there is a spectrum of sociopathic traits and that normal people can express high levels of sociopathic traits, particularly at certain times in their lives.

Apart from that, though, I wonder if there is a functional difference between people like you who are very sociopathic (at least for now), and people who are sociopaths. I'm sure there are, at least in the same way that a second language will never be the same to you as your first language, even if you choose never to speak your first again. I'm curious to see if you ever snap out of it, though.

This is definitely not sociopathy, but it could be argued it is sociopathic.

However, I disagree with that notion too, not on principal, but definition.

Being numb, regret-free, clear of conscience, these aren't the hallmarks of sociopathy. Those are the hallmarks of trauma. You said it yourself, you have anxiety disorders, panic attacks, and even now have PTSD. Why you even thought you might be a sociopath seems a bit fuzzy. Ignorance, perhaps?

Whether we're defining it under Antisocial Personality Disorder, Cleckley's Psychopathy Checklist, or Hare's PCL-R, you don't line up with any of them in any significant fashion. All you have is trauma, and your brain reacting in a way to keep you from cracking.

Your plight must be a difficult one, but do realize that you aren't a Sociopath nor are you sociopathic. I see no hints at sadism, manipulation, grandiosity, lying, et cetera. All I see is a sick child that needs help. So go get some help.

I feel I was born with another sense, an different emotional intelligence. A pseudo-relative came to my house over the summer one year to recover from suicide attempt, and he never forgot my sensitivity. My Mom was a bit insensitive, I thought. i was very, very young. I wasn't even given all the details. For this brief period, this person was the child and I the adult. This was a person who had a lot of pride. I don't know how I knew at that age that he needed to feel dignified but my comfort was custom-made to preserve his.

Franklin, I don't think M.E. cares. It's the internet. It is almost mandatory that sheer stupidity and utter garbage in certain discussions take place. Take the tampon out of your ass. It is easy to walk away, especially here. There is an off button to the technological device you're using, I'm sure, even a search engine. Use it :D

The states Franklin, like that will suddenly shed some light to make my statement more clear.

Monica, since you so obviously want to talk, talk about this. You said you went though something like the reader, and according to your wording you must have made it past that time in your life. How did you?

Maybe this is something you would like to share with the reader, give them sage advice on how they can get passed this stage of obscurity instead of saying no one has anything to talk about. You darling happen to be in this category. If you relate, relate.

There seems to be some lingering apathy in there. You are trying to cope with your past by latching on to the darkness. You see nothing but an illusion tho. Think of a desert, when it gets hot you begin to hallucinate, and you see things that you want to be there. You are in a figurative desert, and you just see sociopathy. Don't let your apathy blind you, get some help kid.

Anon, this place has already fist fucked the dead horse after they grew bored of beating it. If you want to ask redundant questions that anyone with a brain should know how to answer, use your failing brain and the inventions I mentioned to Frankie. It's called a search engine. Look it up.

Monica, I think the reason why you like to see people hurt is because you want to make the trauma go away. Your step-father took away your dignity, and you want to lash out against him in some way. When you see someone hurt, you get some of your lost dignity back. You can get back the part of you that you lost.

You know Frank, the internet is diametrically opposed to the notion of quality control. Whining about it won't make any difference. What you can do, is contributing something original and though-provoking yourself; instead of baseless meaningless threats and complaints. So what's keeping ya?

I can relate to him a little, I'm reserved in social situations, but I'm very well spoken and I'd say I'm more charming than most average people.

I spent a large part of my teenage years in isolation, during this time my behavior was extremely deviant, I never planned what I was doing, but I was beating animals and mutilating their genitals, I didn't know why.

Monica, in your mind, your step-father took a part of you away. Think of someone with a missing limb with no means to get a replacement. They will forever be a figment of their true potential. You are just like that Monica. Your father forced his way past your boundaries and took away your sense of self. You take pleasure in other people's pain because you implicitly use them as a scapegoat to temporarily feel whole. Realize that those feelings are temporary. A real fix would be acceptance. Accept the fact that you are someone with a missing limb. Embrace your other good qualities. The pleasure you derive is false. I have to live with this falseness because it's the only way I know. Don't be like me, or I will personally see to it that you are crushed.

The best way to get someone to disdain a course of action is to make them regret taking it in the first place. Don't be an idiot like the reader. Don't live in your step-father's shadow. I will wreck you and make you regret liking the pain of others if you act as a doormat.

I agree with TNP also. The reader sounds schizoid to me. Sociopathy is not thR only psychological pathology in which loss of emotion takes place. Those who have a schizoid personality type often feel very detached from those around them, are unable to relate, and have a very shallow pool of emotions towards others. The best way to put it is that schizoids are disconnected, and that's what this sounds like to me.

You know how embaressing it is when your neighbour tells you they can hear you having sex? Seriously I don't know how I can face them again. And I'm fucking loud and I say dumb shit. This is awful! I've had this before as well, but last time I got a note under my door. Omg.

Anonymous said...A good psychologist will spot a psychopath fairly easy, the first thing he will notice is a complete self focus, me me me.

He will also spot how the psychopath speaks about humans, as if he were talking about a cup.

--

Psychologist: Do you care about your girlfriend?

Psychopath: I'll be honest, Not really. I use her for sex and money, she thinks I care about her, she's not too bright. *laughs*

Psychologist: GTFO

October 10, 2011 10:20 AM

Any one can spot a sociopath easy, they are obsessed persons and are ruled by rules, they are not reckless or rebel, they are the dictator. They really try to project that image of the rebel the outsider but soon people realise that they are just authority that prey on much weaker persons then the usual. They don't mess whit everyone, they just mess whit the ones that they can abuse. They become obsessed whit the control, they become child that looks for attention, is when they become annoying and need to be let alone.

Don't take me wrong, i enjoyed the company of sociopaths, still have some sociopath friends, ones more sophisticated then others, but after you get tired of them cause they become annoying, is not the behavior itself, cause we can drive there behavior, especially in a group that is aware of his personality , is the presence you can feel the child around, the delusions , and you look to the rest of the people having fun and enjoying and you realise that sociopathy is to much glamorised. I would say its fashion .Is like wearing a lady gaga shirt this days .

I think the sociopath matter is still isolated in society off course.Many of the people are not aware of this condition or personality. And there is no public information about it, probably cause is condition that is not total explored and the study is still going, and maybe this condition is convenient for some people who can take large advantaged of mental conditions like this.

Cosette said...'i enjoyed the company of sociopaths, still have some sociopath friends, ones more sophisticated then others'

Lol.

October 10, 2011 3:10 PM

But is truth, there are the ones more clumsy , poor self control. Cmon i dont have to many sociopaths friends they are rare, i worked whit one, and he was very obvious, everyone spotted him straight away. But we was ok, but very clumsy. I got bored so easy that we do the most absurd things in job just to keep himself occupied. basically people were aware of his awkward presence and avoided him a lot.

*edit But is truth, there are the ones more clumsy , poor self control. Cmon i dont have to many sociopaths friends they are rare, i worked whit one, and he was very obvious, everyone spotted him straight away. But we was ok, but very clumsy. he got bored so easy that he do the most absurd things in job just to keep himself occupied. basically people were aware of his awkward presence and avoided him a lot.

Remember how you were talking about smoking weed and stuff to pass the time?

I have been thinking alot about that and I think I am doing the same. I m so frustrated right now because I feel like I am just medicating myself with shit just to keep going. I am trying to figure out what exactly I am afraid of...

anxiety disorder, monica seek help, you will be fine, just need to get professional help, it could take time, cause not everyone is good at there job, but you could meet people that can help you, brain is a muscle need to get exercise, fear is harmful as well as stress, find means to control it, it is possible. We are survivors by nature, if you are here today you can be here for much long, more you confront more you face more stronger you get and more aware that at the end the point is to enjoy life the best way.

Well, I suffer with BPD as a result of PTSD...and along with the PTSD there is anxiety and lack of sleep at times. The doctors have me on a bunch of medication for that. It makes me hazy and clumsy. I loose track of days.

From what I read, it just creates additional synapses between different parts of your brain, specifically different senses start cross-referencing each other. And I already have a minor case of synesthesia, so I don't need to.

I should have added what I am afraid of. Before I was on my meds, (Medusa said it perfectly) I felt like I was looking through a window at my own life. I could feel emotions, they were just negative like fear, anger etc.

The root cause of my BPD, yeah I know the root cause. My trauma list is quite extensive. I was homeless on my own at a young age. What most people call their junior year of highschool, I was selling dope and sleeping with a tire iron.

No no, I don't have that lifestyle anymore. It took many years and lots of moving. I do still have nightmares about it though at times. I had a really nasty one last night. That's the reason I got married and moved on to a military base was to run after a certain incident. Shortly after, I got pregnant, and I have been trying to cope ever since with the changes.

Hmm so you are a parent. Let me be the first one here to say congrats. I am curious, why did you run? How were your parents like? Are you scared to be a parent because of how your family life was? Do you see yourself in your daughter? Are you scared she might become you?

Yes I have a son. I am not afraid of him turning out like me, but I do want to give him the best life I can. That's where I get stuck. All these big questions circle around in my head. I have no job skills, there is only one trade I was good at. So I think, well I have to go to school then. But for what? I dunno...I really don't.

I have tried to meet people that are more surburban normal people, but the only people who come to my kid's birthday party are people just like me. that grew up the same way. My friend just got out of prison in Arkansas and it was so nice to catch up with someone I don't have to lie to.

Actually I know it for a fact. I've seen Jason fuck up and post a comment under his screen name that was meant to be from Cosette, only to delete it and repost it as Cosette. I don't really care what the rest of you do about it. Jason thinks the whole game is tricking people into thinking he's someone else. Boring.

sweetcheecks, have you tried diverting your frustration into something else? Go and hang out with your son. Turn that confusion into certainty, love, support, and friendship. You can do it, I believe in you.

anyway sweetcheecks, even if I were Jason its not like I am trying to kill you or something. I really want to help you, Mis is just one of those people that takes a piss in your coke and then laughs about it, don't pay him any mind, he would rather see you get worse, that's why he wants you to stop talking to me.

Yeah he's trying to gather information. As if he would know what to do with it. He never even attacked you for any particular reason other than to prove himself. He's timid and weak underneath so for the last few months he's been lashing out blindly at people but he's got no idea what he's doing.

Actually Jason does sound like Cosette. He can't hide himself in these characters. Its not even really about writing style. It's more about the sheer amount of desperation and insecurity that shines through his every comment. It's sickening.

"Dude you need a damn life. Do you have a crush on jason or something? That's all you talk about lately"

Wow dude. That all sounds funny comming from you. The friendless 18 year who lives with his parents telling me to get a life. The guy who's spent months trying to prove that he can beat me in an argument telling me to stop obsessing over him. I basically just like screwing up the little games you think you're playing, and poisoning all the new accounts you create.

I didn't know that was Jason you moron. Either way it doesn't matter, there advice was worthless and the same shit I was gonna talk about with Medusa is posted for her to see because I respect her opinion.

None of those are me. Jason is cosette and monica. Both only show up when he is around and ask a bunch of personal questions. Jason why pretend to be me abusing you everytime you come on? This is a real question I'm interested in knowing. Literally every time you have popped up you hijack my name and call yourself names. Don't tell me that's not you either because when ypu copied my idea to mirror peoples accounts it started happening. You do it with misanthrope as well. Is it some kind of masochist thing or what?

Anon, you have to remember that I am not looking for a shoulder to cry on. The idea of that makes me very uncomfortable. I am not here for "I am so sorry your childhood sucked" either. Helpful advice, I am open too.

I started a real job today. I needed to get real busy or I was going to cause a lot of trouble from being bored. The manager loved me from the moment he interviewed me. I told him I'm aiming for a leadership position so he is grooming me.

The funny thing is I told him that currently I'm a consultant for night clubs which is a position I thought I made up to cover my current business. In the interview he lit up and said he used to do the same thing! I wonder if ue was in my business. Reguardless this job is tops. We track down people that owe money by running backrpund checks and embarrassing them at work by calling their manager telling them they are being summoned to court but not saying what for. You call everyone in their family, all their friend friends, ajd even associates you can find.

"Medusa is definitely Narcissistic. Pathologically Narcissistic? More like defensively narcissistic and aloof."

Exactly what I was thinking. She is more compensatory, rather than a classic.

"ha! What narcissist would admit to being one?? They wouldn't. Not even to themselves."

Contrary to belief around here, narcissists actually know there is something different about them, but they see this as a gift, rather than a burden. If they seek help it's due to depression or they want to understand why everyone hates them, but if they are malignant narcissist, they will die that way. Vaknin has NPD, he found out after visiting a psychologist.

there is no such thing as regular narcissism. malignant narcissism is narcissistic personality disorder. a person can be very narcissistic, but it doesn't mean they are a mal n. malignant narcissism is characterized by a lack of empathy.

Featured comment

Of course, my default is still to intuitively analyze every outcome and situation and achieve the best result, but it's more interesting to let people remain a variable and go in their own direction, rather than nudging them in the direction I prefer. Interacting with people WITHOUT trying to control them is a new paradigm for me.