How Do I Know if it’s “Me”?

This is a question that we are forever trying to answer here at Wrapunzel, and really, it is a question with infinite depth. Since each and every one of us has huge potential and complex personalities that change day by day, moment by moment, how is it possible to dress in a way that suits us? How is it possible to dress in a way that truly reflects the inner beauty of our souls?

The answer, of course, is that it is impossible to do perfectly. We live in a physical world in which it is not possible to convey the infinite beauty of our souls in ANYTHING that we do, but don’t let this deter you – let this inspire you! While we can’t do it perfectly, we can strive to do it better and better. And as we learn, we will be able to reveal the beauty of our souls through what we wear. Life is a journey of learning and growth. It’s wonderful to know that you will always be evolving and changing! And it IS possible to learn how to dress in a way that is deeply satisfying and liberating. We wake each day with new moods, new challenges, and new perspectives. We want the clothing we cover ourselves with to honor who we are.

This is going to be a short story in which I tell you about my (Andrea) experience that I had with wrapping before Shabbat.

I was super inspired by Naomi’s Duchess wrap, and wanted to try it! I also had found a sari scarf that I really liked… similar to one I gave away ages ago and missed. I had in my mind a vision of how the Duchess wrap would work with a sari and lace… all lovely, flowy and hippy dippy.

This is what I had in mind – nice eh?

I had a great outfit to match. I have been trying this year to wear more white/cream on Shabbat and have had a lot of success doing so (when I say this year, I mean since Yom Kippur.) A long lace skirt, lace top, and berry shell. Simple, but so me 🙂

I tried to do the wrap… and do it, I did! It looked AWESOME… seriously epic. But something felt wrong – I felt like I was wearing a costume. It was too high on my head, too “hippy” (who thought I’d ever say that?) I just wasn’t feeling it. My husband and I had planned an in Shabbat, just our family and no guests, so we could recharge. This wrap was too extroverted for the internal bonding experience that I hoped to have.

I asked my husband what he thought and he looked at me and said, “Well, by the look on your face, it’s obvious you don’t like it, but the Wrapunzel ladies are going to love it!” How right he was. It really was an awesome wrap, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I made him come outside to snap some photos of me though.

So what’s the conclusion? Well… I am definitely going to revisit this wrap in the future – perhaps for a wedding or some sort of event where I want to reveal my exuberant hippy side. But as soon as Yonatan was done snapping photos, I hastily ripped it off my head and did another wrap.

Here’s what I did:

Much better! But guess what… I STILL wasn’t feeling it! While I would wear this most other days, I really was feeling introverted and introspective, and this wrap was still a little ‘undone’ for how I was feeling. I needed to feel held and stabilized by my wrap. So after snapping these photos, I decided to redo it AGAIN!

(Can you tell that we ready for Shabbat early this week? This is not normal for us, but definitely left some room for me to think about and experiment with this train of thought.)

So here is what I ended up with! I wanted to wear this sari scarf, but I didn’t want tails. I decided to forgo the lace (I had enough of it in my outfit). I wanted comforting, neat, warm, and stable. As soon as I wrapped it I felt immediate relief, like I had found myself.

So are you going to have time to do this process every day? No, certainly not. And keep in mind that I was rigidly excited to try something new, even though my mood was not appropriate for the original wrap. But as soon as I tried on that first wrap and felt that whole “this isn’t me” feeling, I knew I had to explore this idea and share the experience with you.

Sometimes it’s good if your wrap feels somewhat like a costume, especially on days when you are going to need to do things that you might not be in the mood for. In this way, a wrap can help you do what you need to do, step into different shoes, and reveal aspects of your personality that you may not even know existed!

Other times, your wrap should feel like stepping into a warm bath – comforting, warm, and reflective. It should feel like you have become more YOU.

All in all, wrapping should be a process of self revelation, discovery, joy, and most of all, should honor the beautiful soul that resides within you.

It’s an honor to be on this journey with you – I can’t wait to hear your thoughts an experiences!

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16 thoughts on “How Do I Know if it’s “Me”?”

All 3 styles look stunning but I totally know what you mean when something just doesn’t sit right. It’s OK to step out of your comfort zone but sometimes you just need to do the opposite and let yourself simply be. Fantastic and very relevant post!!

I loved the first and third ones, so your hubby was right, LOL. The first would be amazing for a party/wedding/date night with hubby!

I had a similar experience yesterday with my first two scarf combo. The colours were good, and the beaded pashmina fringes were stunning in the waterfall twist….but it was too dressy for a quiet Shabbat.

It is interesting when we know ourselves well enough to feel that discomfort, and wrongness, just goes to show how linked clothing is to inner feelings.

I can relate to this a lot. One of the reasons I stick to one style, is that I know it will work pretty much all the time… except when it doesn’t. I also like to try the creative princessesy new wraps coming out, but they mostly don’t make me happy when I see myself in them.

I am going to be honest and say that I am not crazy about the first wrap you have in general, although there is a prettiness to it. I like the second wrap the best, but I can understand how you didn’t like it with your outfit.

By the way, that is an amazing outfit. I love all the lace, and the colour of the shell.

I have a tendency to be so matchy matchy with my riches to the colors of my clothing, it borders a bit on OCD. I only have 1 patterned scarf on my collection, the rest are shimmeries, that I rigidly match to my clothes. I’m not ready to experiment…yet, but the fact that others are and that I get to watch both here and in the Facebook group is wonderful.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be confident enough to share pics of me, but I am very inspired by those who do.

As an aside, I love the photos of your neighborhood with it lovely brick houses. It makes me very nostalgic for the east coast. I grew up in Rhode Island but now live in Souther California, near the desert. My eyes get greedy for picks that remind me of home.

That’s exactly how I feel when I say: I like this wrap on other ladies’ heads, but not on my own. I wear headscarves only occasionally, and then I keep them simple. Still, I love to see more daring, colourful or complicated wraps as long as I do not have to wear them myself. I admire the creativity of the wrapunzel ladies who take part in the challenges or make tutorials.

They all look great, but you know you the best. I am sure there are times and places for all 3. You always look great! I don’t do too fancy, or too many scarves at once because I am almost old, and too fancy doesn’t look good on my old self . 🙂

The sari scarf , definitely was the best. As I was reading, just when I read something, I imagine myself in that situation and me personally I would feel comfortable internally with the sari scarf. Even when I feel super , super happy, I wouldn’t wear that combination of lace and prints , but lace with a plain color , definitely. Everyone is different, we feel different , so just like you did , if you don’t feel comfortable with something, listen to your soul and spirit, and make changes.

That’s an amazing post, and for me, it came just at the perfect moment. Thank you very much!
I’ve had two similar wrapping experiences the last week, that is, one was quite similar to yours and one was kind of the other way round.

The first was with the side swoop wrap. I did it two times since learning how to do it, and the first time it made me feel awesome. Two days later I did it again, with other scarves this time, because I wanted a version with green and pink for the Colour of the Week. It looked stunning again. The colours were even better for me. It reminded me of Frida Kahlo, somehow… And still, it made me feel bad. Simply because I didn’t need stunning that day. I didn’t need to look like Frida Kahlo wearing a headscarf – even though, on many other days, I’d have been overjoyed to do so, because I just love her style so much. But on this day, what would have made me enthusiastic and confident at many other times, was simply overwhelming. It was too much of everything: too much colour (who would have thought I’d say this…), too much fabric with too much weight on my head, too much of something beautiful, even. It felt like an illusion I couldn’t sustain.

Then, another day, I was sad, I was anxious, I was tired. I thought: Come on, time to put on something beautiful… but I didn’t want to at all. All I wanted was a very simple wrap with one scarf of a soft material and a soothing pattern. It’s not something I wear too often, because it’s not the most flattering thing for my face shape, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more elaborate, no matter how much I normally like it. So a very simple wrap was what I did. I probably didn’t look my best, still, it was exactly the right wrap for that day. Flattering wasn’t important. What I needed was something calming, something that would make me feel safe. And it did exactly that.

So what I realised, both with these wrapping experiences this week and your post now, is that there is not just one way to dress in a way that helps us “honor the beautiful soul that resides within” us, as you said it. Because it’s not only, and maybe not primarily, about what it is flattering for us on a physical level, even though it can, of course, help a lot to know about this, as often, something that makes us look good also makes us feel better.
But, I really think there’s more to it. First and foremost, I think, beauty is about truth. That’s something I didn’t learn from wrapping, but from reading and writing: Truth is not ugly. That is to say, truth can be very ugly, on one level, of course, truth can be… outrageous, in some cases. But even if it’s ugly, there’s still the beauty of truth about it. And no illusion will ever be superior to that.

So, for wrapping that means: There are times when we are joyful and confident and creative. And on days like these, wraps that express that joyfulness and confidence and creativity are beautiful because they reflect something that is true about us. And even more so, maybe, because it’s the kind of truth that makes us happy and that we are used to consider beautiful.
But there are also times when we are sad or insecure or scared. And sometimes it’s possible to cheer ourselves up a bit by wearing something we would also wear on one of our joyful and creative days. But sometimes it simply isn’t possible, and pretending isn’t cheering us up but only draining us of energy we need more urgently for something more important. And it’s then that the perfect wrap for the day isn’t the most creative one, nor the most flattering one, but the one that calms us and makes us feel safe and allows the truth about us to be seen. (Even if that truth is that we are insecure or sad or scared and just need something simple and calming to help us get through the day.)

No one can be joyful and confident and creative every day. And no one can look breathtakingly stunning every day while being honest about who they are right now. (Not even Frida could, I’m sure of that!) But if we’re not trying to force us to, even our vulnerability can have its beauty. I’ve seen this more often in others than I can count, and I’m slowly beginning to trust what I see: What’s most beautiful, for anyone in each and every moment, is what is authentic in that specific moment for that specific person. No more, no less.

(Oh well… I got carried away again. I talk too much, and I never know how to say things in a short way.
All this is not to say that YOU look sad or scared or not your best in any of the wraps above. Not at all. I like them all, even though I understand why you felt best in the most simple one that day and why it wasn’t the right occasion for the more elaborate ones. I just started wanting to say I can relate to this post and then, somehow, had to ramble about what I believe is beautiful in general. I hope you don’t mind.)

As for that wrap 😀 ok, when I saw it first, I was like, oh, she really got too carried away, but that’s fine, she’s Andrea Grinberg and she may do it, and still be awesome.
I was still so relieved after reading the whole post.

I don’t even like to call this deep spiritual ritual “wrapping”, because it’s so different everyday, like us, women, who tend to have swinging moods according to our hormones and etc, you know.
I loved your final choice, Andrea 🙂 everyone says one should step out of its comfort zone and bla bla bla, but I am against it, life is hard enough already.

Most of my wraps are pretty simple….as an older woman, I find the very intricate and flow-y ones to be just a bit too much for me at this point. As you age, less is often more. I loved the first wrap! I have a lace scarf just like the one you have. But the wrap you ended with was the one that made you feel happy and right with yourself. Which is what we want to feel as Shabbat begins…

Being an “older woman” and also having wrapped for so many years I look at many of the extravagant wraps and think “too much for me.” Maybe because of my age or my reasons for covering my head I don’t feel a need for what I call costume wrapping. They are fun to see on others but not for me. Last year I actually tried some bigger wraps and after spending the day in them I knew I needed to go back to the simpler looks that have become part of who I am. We all need to find who we are and that can evolve and change.

Love the first couple of wraps, they really looked great with the outfit and would be fantastic for going out somewhere dressy. For me, none of the wraps give enough cover. I love to try wraps like this but always end up having to put the final part around the front and back to provide complete cover, even if wearing a high necked garment, because for me that feels right. Will try to copy one of these styles but with the above mentioned adaptation to make it comfy for me, will look great to wear to church and will be way dressier than I normally wear.

Thank you for this post Andrea! It is immensely helpful to read about the ups and downs that others experience. I’m new to wrapping and have similar experiences and immediately thought that I must have done something wrong. Now I know I didn’t, it is just that my mood and my wrap was not in agreement that day! I experienced a few days of creative excitement and felt really, really good in my wraps and then all of a sudden the next day it felt too much. Now I know better – I had a “plain Jane” mood and I should have chosen a simple wrap to match – that is just the cycle of life! So we live and learn!

But I must say I liked all 3 of those styles and think you looked fabulous in the first one – on a different day and a different mood, it will look stunning. On the other hand, you ALWAYS look stunning! 🙂

I have been following you on YouTube and now due to breast cancer, I am going to try this approach to head coverings. I’ve been reading my Bibles and studying about this subject for a while and I am now ready.

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