Closure

8/07/2011
The Blue Stocking
6 Comments

This past summer I’ve been talking to several different friends and, as a lot of conversations do, we drifted towards the subject of ex-boyfriends.

The main topic being closure: none of us has been able to fully grasp it.

More than anything we talked about all those words left unsaid choking us, burning our throats, drowning our voices.

These chats made me wonder if the readers of this blog have ever faced this dilemma. If so I will share a small fix; something that has come to help me.

Since writing has always been the easiest way for me to express myself, I write them each a letter.

Wickham got three pages single space, filled with the truth I’d spent months hiding from him. It took me a long time to write it, but more than that, to get it right: to not let bitterness consume it. Now it is conveniently saved in my own word document, stored away for a day it no longer tempts me to send it.

This process has become a tradition now. I have composed letters for everyone; from the sweet boy who did everything right and I still broke up with him, to the boy I avoided because while he liked me my best friend loved him.

It’s become a cathartic healing process. One that I indulge in frequently.

Unfortunately Wickham had other plans for us, he wanted a dinner. Instead of opening the wounds like I thought, this event brought me the closest thing to closure I could hope for.

We went to dinner. This time was different. Yes there was flirting, laughter, and the witty conversation I have been craving, but It was different. My feelings that for so long had created a façade of perfection dropped from him. I truly saw him, not just the version I created.

It was always right there staring me in my face and I never once saw his ego like I did across that table. The strangest thing is he looked so small to me. I don’t know how else to describe it, but his smallness was ever present

The whole time I kept thinking “How did I let this boy, this jerk, steal my happiness?” I know this all sounds harsh and you’re probably thinking “how did you end up with this shmutz?” He isn’t that bad, he really is a decent guy trying to do the right thing and I honestly believe he feels bad about how everything went down. The reason for my straightforward harshness is it’s all so shocking and new to me. Shocking that I never realized and shocking because I could have ended up with this guy.

All in all I have come to realize that every girl needs to date a Wickham. It’s like we need to get it out of our system and as long as we don’t marry him It can be a rather enlightening experience. I learned a lot about myself and I am grateful for everything, the good and the bad.

I would now like to take a moment to apologize for all these dreary posts, dear heavens I’m tired of them too. I hope for all of our sakes my dating life improves or at least becomes less dramatic because I don’t think I can take another year like this one.

Well here’s to fall semester and the adventures single life has waiting for me and thank heavens for closure, I hope we all find it.

We are The Anti-Austens, a collective of feisty, young Latter-Day Saints endowed with old-fashioned sensibilities (acquired through our Mormon upbringing and extensive reading of Jane Austen novels) trudging our way through the modern dating scene.
Our blog was first created in 2010 and based in the Latter-Day Saint epicenter of marriage: Brigham Young University. Since its creation, the blog has seen many writers come and go, but those of us who remain continue vigilant in our quest for a gentleman happily blessed with our ideal qualities. For a few of us, that quest has led us away from our original hunting ground (BYU) on to hopefully greener--and considerably less overwhelmed--pastures.

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6
comments:

Writing a letter to my ex is also what helped ME gain a sense of closure. He'll never read it, of course (largely because it's terribly cheesy since I may or may not have quoted a Taylor Swift song), but it helped me come to terms with things.

As I started reading through your post, I thought that my life was lamentably lacking in closure, then I remembered the dinner I had with my own Wickham. He wasn't really a Wickham, not nearly so dastardly, just a tad clueless. But that's nothing new when it comes to guys. It was a good dinner. I got the closure I needed, I reached out of my comfort zone and talked to him after feeling like he stomped on my heart. He got to feel like he hadn't broken me, which turned out to be good for both of us. Closure is good, whether from a dinner, a letter, or a lot of time.

I wrote a long, handwritten tiny-print four-page letter to the girl I adored my freshman year. I liked her; she liked my roommate; he liked Ultimate Frisbee. There was always some tension between us [some of it romantic, haha]. But I told her everything, and I feel completely happy about the entire situation. Spring term hit, and she started dating someone, then I left on my mission. She's been married for 3.5 years now, and has two children. I'm happy for her and I have closure.Letter writing really is helpful.

Hey, I know how it goes! I broke up with my Wickham last year. I don't have anymore romantic feelings for him, but I've always wished that we had had closure. I did all the normal things- tried not to think of him, wrote him a letter (which I didn't send, ftr), and finally I decided to invite him to lunch. I thought it was pretty gutsy- but i'm leaving on a mission soon, and I didn't want to have that lingering feeling of wishing I'd finally closed that door. I was SO nervous the day of the lunch! But it couldn't have been a better thing to do. Yes, like your experience, there was flirting, it was hard, and there was talking. Most of the time we just talked about things that didn't really matter, and caught up on each other's lives. At the end I felt like I could finally forgive him and move on. It's such a good feeling.

So here's to another novelcomment, and here's to closure. Here's to peace of mind!