So: you're trying intermittent fasting. Maybe you are a new intermittent faster, or maybe you've been doing it for awhile. Every day you manage to white-knuckle it to your eating window, but you wistfully look at people eating around you ALL. DAY. LONG. You smell their delicious lunches. (Funny how a Lean Cuisine can suddenly look appealing...) You see them drinking a coffee with fancy flavored creamer or even enjoying a frappi-diabetes-uccino, and you resent that THEY "get to" eat, drink, and be merry, while you are sitting there drinking your black coffee-bean water and counting the hours until you can break your fast. Sound familiar? I've been there, too. Fortunately, I no longer feel that way, and it is because I have completely changed my mindset.

You may or may not know that I am an elementary teacher, and this has been my profession for the past 27 years. As a teacher, one of the most important books that I ever read was a book called Mindset, written by Dr. Carol Dweck. The book is based on Dr. Dweck's research into the importance of a person's mindset. As an example, she found that when children feel like their success is related to hard work and perseverance, which she calls a "growth mindset," they are willing to take on challenges and persevere through difficulties. If, however, they are trapped in a "fixed mindset," they feel like their abilities are "fixed," and therefore they are unwilling to take risks or push through certain challenges. Based on her research, I completely changed the way I speak to children, and I have found that it has made a tremendous difference in my classroom. I no longer tell them they are "smart" or that they are "good" at something. Instead, I mention how hard they have worked to master a skill, or ask them to explain how they figured something out. When they are having trouble with something, I ask them to try and figure out why they are having that particular issue and then encourage them to make a plan to overcome the challenge. Because of this change, I have found that my students are more willing to take risks and they are also willing to fail. They understand that it takes hard work to do anything worthwhile, and while everyone has certain strengths and weaknesses, we are not stuck with our current abilities. Anything worth doing takes work, and we are all capable of growth. If you are interested in learning more about the research related to mindset, click here.

I have applied this research on the importance of mindset into my personal life, as well. We can get stuck in certain types of thinking that affect our lives in many ways. For example, I used to be trapped in a "diet" mindset. I felt like I was either "on" a diet, or I was "off" of it. I was either being "good" on my diet, or I was "cheating." And so I was always either losing weight, or I was gaining weight, depending on whether I was "on" or "off"; "good" or "bad." Can you relate to that? If you have as much dieting history as I do, I am sure you can.

When I first discovered intermittent fasting, I approached it with my typical diet mindset. I thought I would follow it until I got to my goal, and then I would figure out how to maintain my loss in a way that allowed me to "eat like a normal person" as much as possible. I viewed intermittent fasting as a temporary fix to a temporary problem. What I didn't realize is that the diet mindset was actually my PERMANENT problem, and that is the thing I needed to fix. And I needed to fix it PERMANENTLY. Only by losing the diet mindset could I finally lose the weight I also needed to lose. When I realized that intermittent fasting needed to be my lifestyle in order to maintain the 80+ pound loss, it made a tremendous difference. I wasn't going to stop intermittent fasting, and there was no end point at which time I could declare I was done. I had officially conquered the diet mindset, and it felt great. I will NEVER "diet" again!

I hope you have stuck with me, because this next section describes the most important mental shift of all. For a long part of the process, I was also stuck in the "can't" mindset. I "can't" eat until 5. I "can't" eat when everyone else is eating. I "can't" put stevia in my coffee. I was focused on deprivation, which is a carryover of my old diet mindset. Instead of enjoying the fasting time, I put my attention onto what I couldn't do. I have to admit: sometimes fasting during the day felt like torture that I had to tolerate until it was time to eat. I saw coworkers, friends, or family members eating breakfast and lunch and I felt disgruntled. Why couldn't I eat like everyone else? I deserved it!

If you're still stuck in the "can't" mindset, it's time to change that. You will NEVER enjoy the intermittent fasting lifestyle until you get rid of the "can't" mentality.

Here is one example of how I have changed my self-talk. I no longer tell myself that I deserve to eat just because everyone else is eating. No, I tell myself that I deserve to be slim and healthy! Once I made that particular mind-shift, I was able to watch others eat without feeling the least bit disgruntled. I am able to cook breakfast for my family and not even have one moment where I feel like I should be eating along with them. Whenever you start to feel like you deserve to eat something, remember that what you really deserve is to be slim and healthy.

What about the "can't" mindset? How do you conquer that particular feeling? Try reading or re-reading the benefits of intermittent fasting. Remember: it's not all about weight loss (though we aren't mad about that particular benefit, are we?) No, it's about having vibrant health! You have discovered the fountain of youth! To remind yourself of some of these amazing health benefits, re-read my blog post called "2017: The Year of Intermittent Fasting", and pay close attention to the section on autophagy.

It's not that you "can't" eat frequently; it's that you CHOOSE NOT TO! You now know it's better for your body to not be in a fed state constantly. You are CHOOSING to give your body a long period each day to take care of cellular housekeeping; one side effect happens to be that you will eventually lose your excess fat and then you'll be at your ideal weight forever. WIN-WIN, PEOPLE! Where's the deprivation there? I certainly didn't feel deprived last month when I bought a pair of size 0 jeans at The Loft (thanks, vanity sizing!) When you view fasting through the lens of health and longevity, you realize that you are only depriving yourself of the diseases related to the over-consumption of food and constant insulin release. I am actually pretty excited to deprive myself of those health problems!

Would you like to know one other way to help lose your "can't" mindset? For me, it's every single time I make a choice to extend my eating window and eat early in the day. I did that very thing on Tuesday of this week. It was a teacher workday, and all teachers know that the most exciting days of the year are the days when we get to LEAVE SCHOOL AND GO TO A RESTAURANT. Like a REAL PERSON. With ADULTS. Teachers of the world know what I mean--there's just something exciting about driving away from that school building in the MIDDLE OF THE DAY with your teacher friends.

So, what's a teacher to do? I decided that since I was sitting there in my smallest jeans, I might as well enjoy a great lunch. After all, this is a lifestyle, not a prison sentence. I can eat lunch if I want to. So I did! Then, after lunch, we had cake at a faculty meeting. Then, I spent the rest of the workday in a funk, feeling like I needed to take a nap. What's fun about that?!?!?!? Nothing at all, in fact. I was grumpy, I was tired, and I also suddenly felt like I wanted to snack for the rest of the day. Apparently this is a lesson that I have to learn over and over again. I have never once been glad that I ate lunch on the teacher workday. I guess I still have some work to do on my "special occasion" mindset. A teacher workday isn't really a special occasion, is it?

The good news is that I remembered this lesson yesterday when my husband wanted to take me out to lunch. Once I had first given him the stank-eye (because, HELLO? When is the last time you saw me eat lunch, and you may remember that I wrote a book about why?!?!?) I was able to convince him to Delay, Don't Deny, and we had a lovely meal...at 3:30 pm. (Turns out we had to go before 4 to get the "lunch special." My sweet husband wanted to save money by eating lunch at the restaurant instead of dinner. Bless.) It was a gorgeous day and we ate outside. I called it "dinner" and it was fantastic.

So, are you ready to change your mindset? Once you make these important mental shifts, you learn to appreciate the fasting time every bit as much as you appreciate the delicious foods that you eat in your eating window.

Oh, and understand that my personal mental shifts didn't happen overnight. Give it time. Most importantly, work on changing your self-talk, so that you can shift your mindset for good. I promise that life is better on the other side!

Thank you. I needed to read that - not just for my eating-related mindset but other areas as well. Spot on as usual Gin, everything in life is a choice. The choices we make mould who we are. To find a way of life that means you can be healthy, maintain a great weight and have your cake and eat it too can only be a win win! I CHOOSE this way of life and am very happy.

Thank you for the insight Gin. As a behavioral health therapist, I use cognitive behavioral therapy daily with my patients. This is exactly what you described. Something happens (people eating food), we have a thought (either I can't eat that OR I am choosing not to eat right know, but get to eat later), then we have a feeling (anxiety/resentment OR contentment/happiness, then a behavior (we eat OR do not eat because we know we can later). It is a matter of mindset and recognizing our negative core beliefs (I am undeserving, I am not good enough, I am fat, I do not deserve love, I am stupid, et cetera) which feed into the negative thought process. Thank you for your blog and let me know if I can link your book under Resources on my website. I like my patients to be treated in a holistic manner, which includes health. Thank you for your good work and inspiration Gin.

Reply

Gin

4/16/2017 10:41:19 am

Thanks, Brian! I would absolutely be honored for you to add a link to my book to the resources section of your website.

Melia

2/26/2017 11:52:08 am

This is wonderful. You always know how to say the right thing at the right time. Thanks Coach!

It helps me change my way of thinking about my "Transformation Program" and a that my cup is half full of success and not cracking from doubt.

Reply

W.A.S.U.

2/26/2017 03:22:28 pm

Reply

Melissa

2/26/2017 11:53:49 am

Thank you so much for writing this. I struggled in the beginning, thinking this would be an instant fix, and that after it was done I could eat whatever I want! Now I have come to realize that I just don't feel good when I extend my window to lunch and dinner. Beautiful read, keep up the amazing work!

Reply

Lisa Morgan

2/26/2017 04:01:58 pm

Last week I finished listening to the Obesity Code by Jason Fung. At the end of the book he said " Why not start today!" So I did, and I am never looking back. I went on line to get some ideas for recipes and I found and downloaded your book. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It helps me believe in the process and learn to let go of lifelong diet mentality. I have eaten low fat, low carb, vegetarian, vegan, paleo and Keto. My whole adult life, I have been leaving out some food group in an effort to lose the same 25 pounds. Your book, blogs and comments on Facebook have freed me to see the sense in eating all foods. I gathered all the fake sugar energy bars, drinks, protein powders, candies, flavor syrups, ez sweet drops etc. that I have stockpiled for years and threw them away yesterday. I have eaten one meal a day since last Monday with an unplanned, but awesome, 40 hour fast Thursday to Saturday. I had parent teacher conferences until 7:00 p.m, so I got home and decided to have a Breakfast Saturday. I am also a veteran teacher of gifted and talented 3rd graders, 17 years. I was afraid that I would be tired and brain fogged teaching without breakfast and lunch, but quite the opposite is true. Since the second day, I have been blown away and pleased with the energy I have throughout the day. I used to be tired, coming home, and now I go home, eat and clean out closets and chop vegetables for the week's meals. It is as if my body has been waiting all these decades for me to eat once a day. It has come so naturally for me. I enjoy the non eating time as much as looking forward to the meal of REAL FOOD. I lost 7 pounds this week and now I have put my scale away. I really don't care anymore what I will eventually weigh. I'll take clarity, simplification of life, peaceful mornings, and energy all day over caring about what I weigh. Jason Fung is a doctor, but you resonate with me so much because we have things in common. Thank you for sharing so much about your life and experience. I also teach and use Growth Mindset and am no longer a dieter! I am on a journey to heal myself, both mind and body.

Reply

Barbara Turner

2/26/2017 07:42:25 pm

I do believe that changing my mindset is very important! It's "I can have my OMAD today and enjoy it!" It's powerful actually seeing my body making the transformation and being thrilled that I'm not on just another diet to do so! I have found that I can't eat too late because I can't sleep with food in my stomach. I love going to bed feeling a little hungry. It's also amazing that I often awake feeling hungry, but by the time I finish my morning routine, I'm not hungry at all. My body has plenty of stored fuel to get me thru the day. I'm also finding that if I have eaten a little extra one meal, I may not be hungry at all the next day and just skip to my next planned OMAD. I love the fact that I can now listen to my body. I started this WOE on Jan 28. I have lost 7.2 pounds. Starting tomorrow, I am giving up all desserts until the 28th of March. I am taking another step of faith and not weighing myself during this month as well. The mindset is changing and the transformation is taking place!

Reply

Tamarah DeWolf

2/27/2017 05:13:13 am

Thanks as always Gin for the great Blog Post ,, Love the Post, Love the Comments Love this Lifestyle .
I Took My Daughter and My Grands out to Lunch Saturday and chose to enjoy a meal with them . Then went shopping after and Bought 3 New Bathing suits all size Small . I try not to feel guilty when I have a meal off plan because that's not what this lifestyle is all about to me . There is a time to Feast and a time to Fast . I felt fine after and enjoyed the time with my Family .
Thanks again Gin
Onwards and Upwards with this fantastic Lifestyle .
Tamarah

Reply

Carrie

2/28/2017 01:15:47 am

This was very helpful today. With spring, and horse races this month I will need to buy new clothes, 2 sizes larger than 3 months ago. Today I'm reminding myself this process will take time

Reply

Rachel

5/31/2017 10:32:49 pm

Thanks Gin. You are right it's all about being aware of our self talk and limiting beliefs. Life is all about choices. Everyone chooses how they want to behave at any given time. #delaydontdeny. This has been my life changer. Never in my life have I ever felt so calm,happy,focused,liberated and free to enjoy my meals without feeling guilty. Thank you and much appreciated Gin.

Beautiful. I grieved my old food life and coached myself into the cognitive change in tandem. Somewhere in my healing path I learned that it was necessary for me to be able to think AND feel at the same time. It was a surprise to me how strong my emotional and mental attachment to my three meals and snacks had become entrenched in my experience and brain. Who knew at 57 I would walk through this new door into yet another level of psychic and bodily freedom. Thank you for embodying these changes and being our practical, down-to-earth, relatable, flesh and bone forerunner.

Reply

Renee Schultz

12/3/2017 07:54:41 pm

Thank you. It has and continues to be a learning experience for me. I am a little over 3 months into IF. I have been faithful nearly every day since I started. I was use to fasting for spiritual reasons, and after reading Obesity Code - I fasted for a few days.
I was not use to fasting Every day though so that was a change for me and I love how I feel and how my body is responding for good.

I have seen on a few occasions when I have eaten breakfast and even lunch rather than waiting until my regular window opening which is 4 to 5:30, it really messes up my world. I don't feel good. I am starving the next day and then have to fast about 28 hours to get back on track. And I am actually hungry most of the day when I eat early -even though that is my window, and I only eat in that time frame of my open window.

When I stay on track, and when I want to celebrate - like today (my mother's birthday) - we ate "lunch" at about 3:45. That allowed me to open my window until about 6:30. I ate the meal, and even had a small piece of cake. Ahhh... and now will be satisfied going into the week ahead.

I love that you talked about changing my mindset. I realize I must do this, and that it will be a part of my life forever if I want to continue to lose the necessary weight, and stay at a healthy weight from now on. And I also celebrate all of the yummy things I can eat now - that I had previously and totally restricted from my diet. I am listening to my body. I am obeying what it is telling me to eat. I stop when I am full - and eat when I am hungry.
It's a journey and I am happy I finally found the best path for me. Thank you.

Reply

Donna Zinna Kelley

2/22/2018 09:31:00 am

Gin, I have said this time and time again but "I LOVE YOU". This is the first time in my life that I have ever had someone that cares so much for other than herself. I am the kind of person that needs this kind of attention because I never got that from my father growing up. Always made me feel like I would never finish anything in my life. Thanks for being here for us.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.

Leave a Reply.

Subscribe to my blog to receive updates when new entries are posted!

Author

Gin Stephens lives in Augusta, Georgia, where she has been following an intermittent fasting lifestyle since 2014. In addition to writing the #1 Amazon best-seller Delay, Don't Deny and the follow-up book Feast Without Fear, Gin is host of the Intermittent Fasting Stories podcast and co-host of The Intermittent Fasting Podcast, along with fellow intermittent faster and author, Melanie Avalon. Check out www.intermittentfastingstories.com and www.ifpodcast.com or search for the podcasts through your favorite podcast app.

Gin earned a Doctor of Education degree in Gifted and Talented Education in 2009 from Northcentral University and a Masters degree in Natural Sciences from The University of South Carolina. She taught elementary school for 28 years before retiring to focus on IF full-time. In addition, Gin works as an adjunct instructor at an online university. Since Gin also has two adult sons, one husband, and four cats, she is busy. Thank goodness for intermittent fasting, which makes her life easier!