Why Do Women Go Out With Deadbeat Losers?

Men are dogs. If you give us an inch, we’ll take a mile. But, if you put us on a leash, we’ll gnaw it off and go even more crazy once we’re free. There’s a fine balance between loving your man and smothering your man.

There are countless posts online where women complain about their deadbeat boyfriends for never paying for anything, never buying them gifts, always playing video games all day long while still living at home in their parent’s basement, and never holding on to a job for more than a year to save their lives. Yet, these women still latch on, hoping they’ll one day change their man for the better.

Which begs the question: With a male world population of 3+ billion, why on earth would any woman ever settle for a deadbeat loser?

THE REASONS WHY WOMEN GO OUT WITH DEADBEATS

Settling for a deadbeat loser is like settling for a job you hate. There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly. What is it about non-ideal situations which makes us keep carrying on, doing nothing to change? If you hate your job, get laid with a nice severance check in hand!

My theory is that in the beginning, most women don’t know the guy is a deadbeat loser. He probably is reasonably attractive and tells a good story about his current situation and his ambitions. Obviously, he will be on his best behavior during the wooing process. It might take one week, or it might take many months, but until a consummation is made, guys can be very charming! By the time a woman hooks up with the guy, only afterward will she see his true colors.

Her “oh, shit” moment comes at a time after she’s given everything to him. As we are generally all optimists, a woman believes she can salvage the relationship and change him for the better. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t teach a gorilla how to put down the toilet seat, pay for dinner, and write her sweet notes of nothing. It’s too late, and eventually, the relationship fades. In retrospect, every woman who has gone out with a deadbeat loser realizes the case. “I don’t know what I was thinking“, is a phrase that always comes up.

WHAT’S IN OUR HEADS

* We don’t believe we are worthy. Above all else, I believe that the reason why we settle for someone suboptimal is because we believe we aren’t deserving of more. This is utterly disappointing and ludicrous. You don’t deserve to be mistreated or taken advantage of ever! You deserve to have someone love you back as much as you love them. Those who ask for promotions get promotions.

* We’re afraid to be alone. Life isn’t worth living if there’s nobody special to share it with. I’d rather be a median waged person with a loved one than be a lonely billionaire in the long run. It’s irrational to think that you will die alone given the population of the world today. Every day, we have the opportunity to meet a hundred people if we want to. It just takes initiative.

* We think we can teach a dog how to speak. If there are five “must haves” such as humor, compassion, motivation, spontaneous, cultured and he has three out of five, the temptation is to settle. Perhaps over time, you believe he’ll be able to develop the other two must haves and be that ideal guy. You’ll be able to change him for the better, which is hardly ever the case. The problem with this thought process is that he might actually lose one of the three must haves, and then you’re really going to feel bitter for wasting your precious youth on him!

* We’re afraid to get hurt. If we never try meeting other people, we will never get rejected. It’s truly disheartening when someone else doesn’t show you the same interest as you’ve shown them. Guys get rejected left and right because for some reason, society has told us we always have to initiate. Rejection doesn’t get that much easier to deal with after a while. Instead, we settle for what we have or just being a lone. That’s sad, because time isn’t on our side. The older women get, the smaller the pool since women refuse to be with men younger than them, whereas it’s everything goes for guys!

* We’re losers ourselves! I never thought about this until readers kept on mentioning that deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men. Society always sees men as losers, and women as misguided. I guess there is equality for all, after all! Read the 175+ comments so far on this post with fascinating perspective from both men and women.

“ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE ALWAYS ALREADY TAKEN”

One of the best excuses women tell me for not wanting to be with an attractive guy who has all she wants is that she’s afraid she won’t be able to hang on to him. She’s afraid other women will be all over him, which will seriously stress her out. She’s also afraid as she grows older, he’ll stop wanting to be with her. But here’s the thing ladies. Men’s libido’s decline the older we get. It’s the friendship that we cherish more of, not the sexual activities, the older we get.

Not wanting to be with the hottest and nicest woman possible is hard for men to understand. We men think that it is better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all. Guys also love it when their woman gets all the attention from other guys. I guess it’s because guys ignorantly believe their women will never cheat on them. Of course, we all know women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women.

YOU DESERVE IT

Because there are likely millions of people who wish they had better, you have really no fear of never finding someone you’re compatible with. Online dating sights have increased your probabilities 10 fold thanks to just several clicks of a button, you can search for that compatible someone. Compare the scope now vs. 20 years ago. It’s night and day!

Settling is such a weak thing to do. It screams of insecurity. You have the right to be happy because someone out there will truly value who you really are!

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Before Personal Capital, I had to log into eight different systems to track 28 different accounts (brokerage, multiple banks, 401K, etc) to manage my finances. Now, I can just log into Personal Capital to see how my stock accounts are doing, how my net worth is progressing, and where my spending is going.

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Author Bio: Sam started Financial Samurai in 2009 to help people achieve financial freedom sooner, rather than later. He spent 13 years working in investment banking, earned his MBA from UC Berkeley, and retired at age 34 in San Francisco. Everything Sam writes is based on first-hand experience because money is too important to be left up to pontification.

His favorite free financial tool he’s been using since 2012 to manage his net worth is Personal Capital. Every quarter, Sam runs his investments through their free Retirement Planner and Investment Checkup tool to make sure he stays financially free, forever. We a new son, he and his wife never plan to go back to work.

For 2018, he’s most interested in arbitraging the lower property valuations and higher net rental yields in the heartland of America through RealtyShares, one of the largest real estate crowdfunding platforms based in SF. He sold his SF rental home for 30X annual gross rent in 2017 and is looking to buy property at half the valuation with strong income generation.

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Comments

I used to be confused over this when I was in highschool and didn’t have much luck with the ladies until senior year or so – I was a nice guy and that’s not what most of the hot girls were looking for at that time. I used to see these beautiful, outgoing girls go for guys that treated them like crap, cheated on them constantly, in some cases, pushed them around and basically disgraced them. I think much of it starts in the home and how dad treated mom (if dad was around much).

I think there’s been a societal shift where women are now out-educated and out-earning men and some of the self-esteem trends we used to see are shifting, but it’s likely to persist in some way forever.

I have seen this over and over. Young women will go out and be with a loser bad boy who really cant seem to get it together and shun the smart nice guy who now is in his thirties and forties and sucessful. Now he doesnt want anything to do with that once young girl who now is middle aged tainted and fat whore with 3 kids from two different losers. Turn around is fair play

hehe, my thoughts exactly! I cannot tell you the amount of ex wanna be bad boy daters, no
now wanna date me… cos I got money, security and look good for my age still,
whilst the scumbag losers who drink, smoke and don’t have a penny are still the same.

Amen! and don’t think for a moment if you take them back in (even for the 2nd time, telling yourself they’re different) they wont do the same thing all over again, but this time, leaving with 1/2 of your assets. Don’t do it! You can’t teach an ole’ dog new tricks!

Mick don’t lie to yourself, the bad boys have had and stil have more pussy than
you’ll ever have. Just because some old hags want to date you now, doesn’t mean
you’re the shit. I work part time myself and I enjoy life as much as I can. I have a
superfine girlfriend who is in her early twenties while I’m nearly 30. And it can be
intimidating to see other guys making more money than I and going for a
carreer. But when I hear them talk about women I feel reassured. When you focus
your life on a bigshot carreer only, you’ll get what you attract, old women who have kids and want stability and just gold diggers. Ofcourse this is a generalisation, there are
always exeptions.

don’t fool yourself either… tell me when you are at least 5 years married with her… you said gf! girls in their early 20s either get preg by a guy an leave have problems or leave you after they find out what they really want…. usually about 30 they have at least an idea. when they are young they are not stable imo to marry.

I’m an Engineer/MBA that was underweight, not a nerd, but definitely not on point when I was in my younger 20s when it came to game/girls. After I finished my schooling in my later 20s, hit the gym, gained weight, have a great gym body plus a 6 figure salary, I school pathetic losers in their 20s with part time jobs. I bang one 21 year old after another, pump them and dump them and move onto the next. I’m 30 and have 3 girls, none over 24 in my rotation at the moment. Nothing brings out confidence in a guy than having a great body, looking good and a 6 figure bankroll. I’ll be traveling overseas this summer for 2 weeks to Japan, Thailand and Bali and nail some Asian/Australian girls while I’m at it. Why? Because I have money like that. You’ll be stuck with the same ol’ hoodrats until you knock one up. Enjoy your used up vagina son, when you hit 40 with 2 kids with trash and paying child support on your poverty wage, I’ll be 40 still dating girls in their 20s and have even more money to travel.

Wow! You sound so very insecure, and narrow minded1 Whom messed up your self-esteem in High School? You need a reality check, cause life is not all about looks, money and sex!

Trust me, you will someday regret it in your 40s, why you had to use women, and dumped them after!

#Karma.
Real men do not have your kind of mindset!
Real men don’t have to fix themselves by going to the gym to build muscles and come to take a revenge on women, especially clueless, low self-esteem young girls, as you stated!

Good luck on traveling the world and connecting your soul with different spirits! Trust me, by the time you hit 40yrs, you’re going to lose your sanity, and turn into a different personalty, because you have had sex with multiples women, carrying demonic spirits inside of them!
Some of you insecure guys of this generation think sex is a casual satisfaction! The thing you guys don’t know is that sex is a bonding thing!
It is because people like you that I don’t date anyway guy who sleeps around and don’t care about their body, mind, spirit and soul.

And when you focus your life around hot-looking hoochies (and half the other stuff you’ve posted that’s likely BS), you can enjoy Jerry Springer, kids you didn’t want and STIs melting your penis off.

The big fact you, guys like you and the dumb girls who fall for it is:
– men who’ve truly made it in life need not flaunt it (confidence)
– the men who constantly flaunt tend to be faking it (arrogance)

“Enjoy your used up vagina son”, says the self-proclaimed dude banging 21 year olds who’ve banged the entire night club douches like you tend to troll at.

I think the phenomenon is more prevalent amongst younger women. In my limited experience women who have some life experiences (age is a number, but maturity is a relevant measure) tend to make smarter decisions about who they enter into full relationships with. Younger (again, youth being measured in many different ways) women are not sure what they want and are often attracted to men who are irrationally confident (re: cocky) and great at pushing the “please give me attention” buttons that are so prevalent in society today. The Western marketing machine is basically built to make women feel self conscious about everything and especially their bodies; therefore, when young women have not developed a solid sense of self confidence they are very vulnerable to a guy who knows the right phrases to take advantage of the situation. Young men are targeted much less and get more space to go through the growing up process and build self confidence naturally. Personally, I spent a ton of time trying to look way more like a cool rebel than I ever should have. The sad thing is that it worked. When you combine the “right” phrases, with the weird badboy phase it’s a pretty destructive/effective combination. Thank god I got older and didn’t have to play a game any more to attract women.

I totally agree with your “Men and Women both cheat equally” ..one reason women prefer that douche bag, is a sense of control. They know deep down they have an upper-hand on a guy who is jobless, etc etc, because they got the job, they provide for them selves etc…but when they meet a guy who has his stuff together, it becomes a challenge and all insecurities come out, questions arise, which you pointed out too, such as “Am I going to be able keep this guy?”, “He is not only wanted by me, but desired highly by others’ etc etc.

Personally speaking, I hate insecurities in a woman. I like to date someone on the same wavelength as my self, there are ton’s of women and men who are leaches, don’t know what they want, insecure and think that grass is greener on the other side, but unfortunately it’s not most of the time.

I think that mike is on to something – most women are not sure of what they want, and if they are, they are afraid to go after it. I also think that some women want to be with the jerks because they feel like they will be able to change them and have the happy ending – a fairy tale fantasy, in my mind. At my age, people are who they are, and you’re not going to change them very much (if at all) – major changes like the ones that women typically seek must begin from within.
It could be interesting to see if the power dynamic shifts in the future with women beginning to out educate, and potentially out earn men.

I think most women know what they want but they are too afraid to change (ie too afraid to leave if they are already in a dead end relationship or is dating a jerk) or afraid that they won’t be able to able find someone else.

So true about ‘people are who they are and you’re not gong to change them very much (if at all)…’

Women really NEED to get out of a relationship they don’t like. If they spend their 20s and early 30s with a deadbeat, then it really hurts her chances to find another one, since women prefer older men, and older men therefore have to choice but to go out with younger women.

It’s just mathematics of what’s available. Men get older, they have a wider choice. Women get older, and there are less older men.

Why would a man date a used up woman in her 30s if he can afford/do better and date her younger sister in her 20s? You act like it is the woman’s choice. Many women in their 30s past their expiration dates who used to be hot will gladly date a guy in their 20s to delude themselves into thinking they still “have it”. When in reality, a lot of guys working on their careers in their mid-20s will just bang these women for the easy access but will not engage with them in a long term relationship (something I advise men to avoid as there is nothing in it for you). If a guy wants a long term relationship, he wants kids. He’s better off having kids with a woman in her fertile years, not in the Downs Syndrome years past 35.

Fact is, men age like wine (if they are doing it right, building their abilities/career) and women age like milk. Women have it easier when they are younger, men have to be patient. 30 is the perfect time for a man if he is getting his career in order.

With social media, reality TV, etc, I’ve met a lot of immature men in their 40s still living in a teenaged fairy-tale land. They think young, hot women want to sleep with them. In actuality, young, hot women want to sleep with their own age peers and won’t give a 40-year-old the time of day unless they’re gold diggers and he’s filthy rich.

Fact is older men are every bit as likely as older women to pass on gene mutations and birth defects to their children. Actually, they’re even more likely to do so because male sperm cells mutate a lot faster than female egg cells.

Many women in their thirties do indeed still “have it” because they take good care of themselves, whereas their male peers tend to let themselves go. Nevertheless, most women would prefer to be in a relationship with someone close to their own age, not much younger or much older.

I advise young women to avoid relationships with older men, as there is nothing in it for them unless the man is filthy rich. Otherwise, the woman gets saddled with a wrinkled, balding, potbellied dude with aging sperm and has to play nursemaid to him as his health deteriorates. If he IS rich, there’s nothing in it for him because that young woman will stop sleeping with him as soon as she can and will divorce him a few years later so she can take all his money.

Fact is all people age like spoiled milk; no one gets better with age. No matter what we do, our bodies continue to break down, and older men are even more likely than older women to be responsible for gene mutations and birth defects in their children since male sperm cells mutate much more quickly than female egg cells. Why would a woman in her 20s date a used-up man in his 30s?

I advise young women to avoid long-term relationships with older men, as there is nothing in it for them except a wrinkled, balding, potbellied dude who they will have to play nurse to as his health declines.

Here are a few reasons:
1) go from dating a guy making $24k a year to making $70-100k+/yr
2) not as immature (typically, exceptions abound)
3) More interested in settling down rather than playing the field (unless you are going after the bad-boys, see article above)
4) more ready to have kids
5) more life experiences, and therefore, more interesting conversations
6) men in their 30/40s age far less quickly than women do unless comparing apples and oranges (such as woman who doesn’t drink or smoke but does exercise vs a man that does drink, smokes and doesn’t exercise)

If you are woman in their 20s interested in short flings, going after the early 20s man makes sense. If you want a longer term, fulfilling relationship, upper 20s or throughout the 30s man is much better alternative. I don’t judge either way. Just don’t cry if you are childless and single at 45.

I believe that more than 50% of undergrad degrees, and even a majority of graduate degrees in the US, are now conferred upon females. Women (and men) have the capacity to be financially independent, and don’t need to put up with freeloader or oppressive/controlling antics from anyone. When one person sponges off another without regard for the other’s needs or any sense of fairness, the relationship won’t work in the long run.

Many people are dazzled by the excitement that some of these “deeadbeat losers” may have. The individuals are fun to be around, but no depth. They are spontaneous because they have no plans for life. Why are women attracted to them? It is simple, they like the excitement and fun part of the relationship! They overlook the bad aspects because of the excitement. Low self esteem may prevent women from moving on.
Why do people stay in the work environment is complacency. It is hard to make a change! Most people will put up with a bad job/career because they are afraid of the unknown. Usually it takes some incident to make them do something. Could it relate to low esteem, self confidence or ambition?
In many ways there is a parallel between putting up with a bad job/career and a deadbeat loser! People are willing to put up with a bad situation because of many of the same reasons.

I’m not sure we ‘settle’ for the deadbeat losers out of low self-esteem or fear of the unknown.

We date deadbeat losers because we foolishly think we can ‘change’ a man by releasing his inner ambition, sense of direction and zest for life, in much the same way we think that buying him a set of dumb bells will ultimately reveal his true adonis physique. Many of us ladies believe that it just takes ‘the right woman’ to affect some incredible metamorphosis and often we rate ourselves as the girl for the job.

It’s only when we realise that leopards really don’t change their spots that we’ll stop giving deadbeat losers the time of day.

It’s hard to find someone who is compatible so I think women are reluctant to let go of the dead weight. It’s like a good job that pay well that you don’t really like. It’s hard to let go of that big fat pay check. :)
The guy might be a loser, but if he does something right once in a while, it will be hard to let go.

Frankly, yes. Depending on your looks, your age, your location, your personality quirks (some people are just weirder than others), your values (some people need to marry within their religion, for example), and your own life circumstances (think health issues, financial issues, and other hindrances), it really CAN be that hard. Yes, there are 7 billion people on the planet, but you don’t have access to anywhere near that many. That’s why so many people are single at any given time and why about 10% of them (and it’s a growing percentage) will never marry at all. It really IS that hard for some people to find a compatible match (or a match that they believe is compatible).

Psychology 101: Women who date losers feel like they can change them. They tend to stay longer then they should because their logic is “I know he does X, and doesn’t have Y, you’ve seen him act like Z, but he’s also a really sweet guy when we’re alone.” They want to bring out the best in them.

It’s almost like a project for the woman, especially for the seemingly smart and strong-willed one.

Your life doesn’t have to be like fucking tv. You’re better than that ladies. Leave the projects for the construction workers. “Project” and “person” have no correlation whatsoever. I’m not single, but I know far too many who are because of what you just said. You’re absolutely righ Hannah, but that needs to change. How do women know that nice guys are boring? They probably have good jobs, so they can afford to do more cool things. Durrrr. Ladies are no brighter than dudes obviously. I’m a math tutor, and most of my clients are ladies. Just saying.

Definitely agree with retirebyforty and Hannah, and miss Moneypenniless

I think back then, I was deluding myself to think that he was ambitious and he was alright. I think I was trying to change him, by trying to make him more motivated like I was, by trying to get him that job.

There were a few trivial reasons why I broke it off with him and decided to go for a “fresh new start”, it was because a) I got a new car and I didn’t want him sitting in it (haha can you believe it?) and b) I got into a program in school and wanted to start new.

I was happy and complacent with the way he treated me. He was nice, always agreed with me, etc. I was acting more like his mother than his girlfriend, and after that incident, I realized it and decided to put an end to it.

I don’t think it was because I was feeling like I had some low self esteem issues going on at the time, though.

Thanks for providing more insight! I was just thinking out loud the various reasons for people in general to stick with someone suboptimal. It’s kind of scary, the older we get to break up with someone and start all over again.

Maybe this is the secret for unscrupulous men who want action to learn. That we should act like lost souls, and let the woman believe they can “fix” us. By the time they realize they can’t, they’ve already had their fun, and we welcome getting dumped? Hmmmmm.

You hit all the reasons on the head Sam. I too dated some losers in my younger days because I didn’t feel like anyone else could love me, appreciate me, etc. Then later on I realized that I was a good catch and shouldn’t settle for losers. Now I am happily married and much happier.

I agree with everything you wrote with one exception. I am a man and I don’t fear being alone. I want a woman to share my life with at some point, but right now I am more afraid of being attached and losing my freedom, independence, and party lifestyle than being alone.

Interesting view points. I’m going to throw out there that women are attracted to the “bad boy” image. Adventure, excitement, glory and the image they might believe they get when they date the “bad boy”.

I agree, there are other psychological benefits to dating a “deadbeat”. As long as they aren’t actively treating the other like crap, degrading them or even abusing them. In addition to dating a “bad boy”, dating a loser can make a girl feel good about herself by:

a) feeling superior to them
b) the joy of caring for someone
c) knowing they hold the power.

These are powerful feelings that involve instant gratification and not as long term as being with someone who is best for you as you grow older.

dont’ forget about girls who have “dad” issues. If her dad didn’t treat them very well or wasn’t very loving to her up, this severely impacts how a girl views herself. Girls will pick what’s familiar, so if her dad treater her subpar, that’s what’s familiar, so that’s what she goes for. Unless she is aware of it and works to break the cycle.

Maybe women date losers because said women aren’t pretty enough to be on the radar of non-loser men. Men can be SO shallow. I’m almost 40 now, and I’ve always been passed up by guys (of all ages, viewpoints and looks, I’m definitely not picky with looks) for women that are blonde and gorgeous. I’m told that I make a GREAT friend, and I’m ‘one of the guys’, and “a guy’s best friend”, but the fact is that I’m not pretty, so men have a hard time being physically attracted to me. Someone like me can either find a loser (I have a felon friend who’s interested in me), or stay single. So, I’m single. (and yes, I’ve tried several dating sites, with no luck. Once I post my picture, all interest fades. No, I’m not fat, and my looks aren’t anything fixable short of plastic surgery).

My sister drug me to see Bridesmaids and Kirsten Wiig’s character in the movie is dating a deadbeat, a total loser who is using her for sex. Wiig’s character displays exactly why women date these kinds of men; they don’t believe they deserve any better and feel they don’t have control of their own circumstances. I know that years ago, this was why I dated one myself – a feeling of no control over your own life. Thankfully, I’ve grown much wiser with age. ;)

Doesn’t the deadbeat, John Hamm have a 911?! I finally saw the movie on my flight back from Europe last month! lol. Hilarious! I like the bigger woman who goes potty in the sink at the wedding dress store.

You people are all thinking too logically. It really comes down to how girls respond emotionally. Even as a guy, do I respond logically or emotionally to a woman? Don’t I want a girl with big fake boobies right now? But logically, would such a woman who decided to get implants be the ideal mother to my child? I respond EMOTIONALLY not LOGICALLY. If the girl was a scumbag who did drugs and was crazy, etc., wouldn’t most guys still be emotionally responsive to her? (The ones who say NO may be rationalizing this because they could not expect to find other similarly hot girls once she moves on…or is fearful of expressing his desires, which is totally normal; slap on the wrist for liking girls, that’s not socially acceptable to show!)

First of all, you’re calling them “losers” because well, whoop de dooo, guys who have no jobs can get hot girlfriends, yet you as a rich nerd engineer/accountant/whatever cannot.

Not trying to be a dick, as I myself was that super nerd who graduated with a high GPA from a top-ranked school, made 80K/yr working at a big software company at 22yo, could afford anything I wanted, had a cool apartment where I could be all alone by myself.

I’m now 27yo, spent the last 3 years bumming around, barely working, and well, girls definitely respond a lot more to me now than they did before…a LOT more…and well, now I see how badly I want it both ways…a love life and $$$, so I’m working on the $$$ part again.

If you want some logical explanation of it all…women deep-down like guys who are relaxed, do their own thing, trust that everything will work out, and who don’t give a shit what other people think about them. Not having a job == a guy who doesn’t have to worry about some dick boss seeing what the guy is doing and not liking it and firing him. If you have a job, you’ve got to live up to some other people’s expectations. I can’t just say “Yeah bro, suck it” when he says I’m late. Jobless guy == can totally do that.

Why have you been bumming around for 3 years after your 80K job right out of college? Were you let go?

The problem with being a jobless guy is that the relationships are temporary if he continues to not to have a job and never goes anywhere. Why? B/c people are rational. Why wouldn’t a girl just go after a good looking, nice guy, WITH a job?

When we are young and in school, we are more equal. So maybe the normal girl dates the normal guy and it even makes sense, but then the normal girl blossoms both in appearance and in intellect. Perhaps the male doesn’t because he like drinking beer and a good time. Now we have a problem, the new female knockout is dating a loser (or really a less ambitious person). Well, the equation doesn’t make sense anymore and it’s obvious…

Sometimes the knockout just looks good but doesn’t have the self awareness to get out of the relationship (same goes with the guys too). This is why I sometimes see very attractive women driving in a beatup truck with some guy that looks like a freak.

I’ve also discovered that women don’t hold the same values as we guys do. Some seem perfect content to live with such less ambitious guys and even find their mate very attractive because they are different. Very odd actually.

Of course kids are also a factor. Even though people say guys don’t matter, I think we do add the the equation when raising kids. Definitely not as much as women matter, but we (males) give a lot of kids that extra stability (at least I think, I’ll know in 10 more years for sure).

I think this brings up a bigger point about life. That is, knowing when to end something that is no longer healthy for you or the other person. I think it’s very difficult to generalize women or men as a whole. In my experience women in their 30’s go about dating much differently than when they are in their early-to-mid-20’s. In fact, it may be a good thing that some women and some men go through bad relationships earlier on in order to learn what they don’t want or need in a relationship. That way when they are ready, normally when they’re older, they know what qualities to look for in a person, and they will also know what is not compatible.

Another aspect to consider is the generation in question. Many of my friends in my age group are getting married in their 30’s, not their 20’s. Which means they have plenty of time in their early 20’s to figure themselves out as well as what they want in a partner.

Ultimately it comes down to the individual person in question, and it’s really hard to generalize women dating a certain type of guy because to some extent a young woman in her early 20’s dating a loser is better so she can learn early on, instead of a woman in her 30’s making the mistakes she probably should have been making 10years prior. Life is a learning experience once you experience something bad your mind is programmed to either fight or take flight. Once you realize there’s nothing worth fighting for catch a flight somewhere else!

Yeah I have noticed this and they are usually smokin almost beyond smokin hot women that go for these pathetic down right LOSERS!! Yeah some of these hot women that go for these losers aren’t all that bright but then there are some that are like example (some television news casters), they are smokin hot newscasters, they have great careers, educated but in their personal lives they are with complete LOSER GUY!! Yet then these hot women go all off with their stuck up nose in the air when an actual EDUCATED (college educated) guy, with a great career, nice vehicle, never lived with his parents past high school, self sufficient hits on her and she’s all ugh no. WTF seriously WTF!! WTF are you doing with LOSER BOY that still lives with his parents, never has money, drives a total beat up piece of junk vehicle, never went to college and has a dead end job. WHAT GIVES???? SERIOUSLY women is your self worth, self esteem really that low??? Even though she went to college, has a great career etc is her self esteem really that low??? MAKES NO EFFIN SENSE!! Well then women when you do wake up, don’t start whining about how you think there are no good guys around cause we were just around you, you snubbed us and now that you have wakend up and realized you want the “good guy” for solid relationship don’t start bit*hing cause we were right under your nose and we left you cause you were acting like a total bi*ch to us!!

Wake up women Loser Boy isn’t going to change!! Leave him, dump him, throw him to the curb. We educated, great career, nice vehicle, never living at parents home after high school guys are right the eff under your nose. Quit being the stuck up bit*hes and date us!!!! Loser boy doesn’t deserve you!!

That’s just dreamin…. In reality the so called “loser boy” typically doesn’t come from a well off family. The “loser boys” are the ones that usually don’t have much of any money, always asking the parents for money, drives the piece of crap vehicle and doesn’t have a sense of direction. Were talking about deadbeat losers that don’t do anything to improve themselves, they don’t have anything and have not sense of direction. There the junky, filthy disgusting, scrungy guys that are useless, they never have money and are constantly poor.. blah blah blah… There is no such loser boy that are wealthy. Some of those trust funders are just plain lazy cause they obviously can be and have never had to have a sense of direction.

Re youngandth: You stated in your comment: He was nice, always agreed with me, etc. gawd that’s a huge turnoff for both men and women. He sounds like a total wuss especially with the agreeing part. Women constantly say that’s one of their biggest pet peeves in men is when they have a man that constantly agrees with them i.e. wussie. I think some men need the assurance that if he doesn’t agree with you with everything that your not going to bail on him but instead you like him that much more for having his own opinion etc. etc. I think for some men they are nervous that if they disagree with her on some opinion that she’s going to get all huffy, pout and leave. Both men and women when they get into a relationship they both obviously need reassurance that it’s ok to disagree or agree to disagree.

Why women date men who are losers or don’t treat them the way they deserve to be treated? A woman gets smitten when said type man is wooing her aggressively so logical thinking is out the window. Once the dating/relationship begins, she realizes he is not everything he said he was, she naively thinks he would change for her. She would then be in this stage of denial/wishful thinking for sometime (too long for many) before she gives up.

“She would then be in this stage of denial/wishful thinking for sometime (too long for many) before she gives up.” This stage for men is pretty funny cause we men want to go up to her and give her the ol “bi*tc* slap into reality. Also men can see through that sh*t were like why is she with him, he is loser boy and we guys can see that from a mile away. Sometimes women could easily use guidance from a guys perspective and lead her to the guy she should be with lol :)!! That guy being her guide lol!! Cause we just know instinctively what’s right for her ha ha :)!! For some women the world would be a whole lot easier if they just let us men guide them in the right direction lol!! Yeah yeah yeah ladies you can call me an a**hole… Oh wait you ladies apparently like a**holes lol… I’m availble lol!!

So many facets to explore. What did we learn at home? Were the parents controlling, laissez-faire; more matriarchal or patriarchal? How educated were the parents? Was education stressed?

Many times we think that we can change what we do not like. Sometimes it’s like a rescue operation. Men and women may think of different things, but change and rescue are probably primary. Right up there with perceived rewards; what we think we “deserve.”

My first marriage was crap for many of these reasons. Not to mention that she and I were both too hard-headed back then. Now in my second round, things are going very well. Both of us had some decent lessons that contributed to a better round this time.

But I think that it boils down to what we (as male or female) learned at home and in society at large. Our society places women in a distant second place. If that notion is compounded on the home front, girls growing up will have a more difficult time. Lead your children by example, not by lecture. Same with your subordinates in the office or the field. Actions always speak so much more loudly and clearly.

I am (currently) in a relationship with a deadbeat university student that’s about 5 years older than me. Boy has no car, never had a job and will probably never leave his mama’s house. Now here’s the thing: I traded the boy in to play the field an it turns out these “successful charming men” are very sweet and gentlemanly. (I’m lucky, I’m young, smart, pretty and have my choice of men all around. This is honest, not cocky.) Unfortunately thus said men are always lacking something. Ability to converse. Bad schedules. Too old. Too many vices. Relates to half of me but the other half is null. Etc. After a whirlwind of romances I’ve realized that the deadbeat boy has every quality I need except the financial responsibility. Eventually, I should think, society will push him to the wall where he’ll have to adapt. So perhaps not all deadbeats ate losers, some are really late bloomers. I think it’s better to experience true love than to experience social upholdings and material comfort. Deadbeats=poverty for sure. But I’d rather work a bit harder (I’m pursuing law) than to miss out on ‘true love’.
That’s my story. Might be a reason as to why girls dig losers. Also I met him when I was you g and didn’t know any better. Smart, classy nice and loving guy, just doesn’t like to work. I see him as my sweet wife that’ll never have to work.

I am currently dating a dead beat. He’s in his 40’s, me, just a bit younger, so it has nothing to do with age.
When you meet a charming man, a smart man, and the chemistry is right, you dive in. You see hopes and dreams and a future.
As time passes and you realize you were sold a dream and not reality, your feelings don’t go away. You are in love but worried. Do you give up, pull the plug?
Maybe he hasn’t paid you back for something that was suppose to be short term, maybe you seem him changing jobs, and more than once. Sleeping in with No money to pay bills. The excuses start coming. Can you motivate? Are you enabling? You question yourself. Once your heart is full, can you keep the faith that his word will be good. (eventually) There is never a good time to walk. Its an emotion drain that doesn’t involve self esteem or wanting to change someone. Its called faith. foolish faith.

Unfortunately women let television and magazines tell them the type of man they should find attractive. Most of these men are rich, black or a criminal. I myself am a really nice looking man, with a good job, I am a loving, giving, caring and good hearted man. I can’t get one woman to even flirt with me. Where I live, all the women like over weight, uneducated, sloppy, thugs, jerks that will not amount to a hill of beans in life. It did not
use to be that way. Women use to date only men who were successful and could support
them in the future. Now they only go out with criminals, drug dealers and thugs. Then these women complain and wonder why they are so unhappy?

My Daughter is 41 and dates losers. I kind blame her father. He is no longer in my life cause he was a very poor example of a person, husband and father. Although she did not have a positive male role model I feel she is 41 a grown ass woman and should know better. I and family think she may need to talk to someone, we think she has low self esteem, depressed and often is ruled my her emotions for this loser. I pray for God to give her wisdom. She has children and they are watching and they make comments about her choice of men Lord knows I too have dated losers but i got rid of them quickly. I try to give her advice but she is very stubborn. So I guess she will learn one day but geez she is 41 a grown assssssssssssss woman!

Women who date losers, get pregnant by them ultimately ruin their lives… they could have had riches and success and a decent guy, but they settle for the bad boy, who quickly grows older, nastier and lazier, whilst their friends are getting on and getting new cars, getting married and going on lovely holidays, she is stuck with the loser watching TV everynight, wondering when her knight in shining armour will come to rescue her… but the odds are he won’t as he will be put off by the scumbag she has stuck with for years and her fattening up and children the new guy will have to support.

Its a wasted effort, a shame guys but move on, they ain’t worth it… get over to Thailand and South America and you won’t look back!

From the responses I’m reading, the next article should be hooking up some of these peeps. ;)

I was with a ‘deadbeat’ I ended the relationship after a friend literally pushed me to do so. I’ve never believed I could fix my ex, change comes from within, not me. I am terrified of being alone, I simply don’t like being alone and I do long for someone to connect with. There’s also the issue of time, men have more… as a woman if you want to have kids you only have so much time to get it done. I’ll be 27 this week, I do want kids (not now, but in the future sometime), I don’t want a deadbeat and I don’t see myself having kids and making it last with someone I don’t truly connect with emotionally as well as physically. (so basically I want a hot geek… :P ) But 30 is knocking on the door in a few years and my body is just not going to work at some point, simple biology.

I am on one hand unwilling to settle for anything ‘less than’. I don’t NEED a man, I am perfectly independent and able to handle things on my own. I am not afraid of death, I’ll go skydiving and anything else crazy you can think of, I’ll travel on my own. On the other hand, my one paralyzing fear is being alone the rest of my life and age. I think men have a little more freedom in that regard.

My college educated daughter started dating a guy a few years older, no drivers Lic., no car, has to live where he works, has a mug shot on line and has 2 kids with different women. It’s been a year and she hasn’t learned anything. Why I keep asking myself.
We set her up to have a great life and she is engaged to this person who has not improved his situation in the last year. I just some women look for someone that are needy and they can be above them. This is her.

You know who is a perfect match for ‘deadbeat loser’? How about a female deadbeat loser. It’s hilarious how women and men like yourself always speak about all the losers that women have to put up with. You’re oblivious to reality in such thinking. There are just as many female losers in equal abundance to have to put up with.

Serios question here, Define what is a deatbeat loser precicely? I think of myself as a great guy. I’m social, I make friends easy, not shy, play in a band, I am compassionate and have a big heart, IQ:118, I speak 3 languages, I’m funny enough, kinda good looking, above average in all departments. But there is one thing that makes me insecure, and its an important one: I don’t like to work! I have a part time job to have some income, and Its not like I’m poor,thanks to my family, but I rater enjoy life than to “waste” it working a job. The fake aspect of the business world (where the carreer an the big money is) really disgust me. Does my lack of motivation for carreer automaticly makes it balck and white and am I a loser? Or is there a grey zone?

Women like motivated men with ambition. If you don’t like to work, then they are going to assume you are unmotivated, or have no money. At least if you have no money but have motivation, you have the potential to earn and not be a deadbeat.

I have money, because I still live with my parents I saved up probably way more than most full time working men have who work full time and live on their own. And I have plans for building a house of my own in a few years, I can build on a lot my parents own. I am willing to work on that, but I have zero motivation for building a carreer, I like to work as less as possible. I think lots of your readers are fooling themselves into thinking they “deserve” a nice woman just because they make a lot of money; Thats bs, and very sexist imho, thats why they are single and frustrated. Women these days don’t need a man to provide for them. They look for better qualities than just being able to make money. This is only my experience, I have always had pretty gf’s and my current is a serious relationship, she is not only superfine, but also has a heart of gold, I don’t want to loose this one. Thats why I googled why hot chicks want “loosers”. Your last question puzzles me, I would try to bring out the best in her If I really loved her soits not that important to me if she compensates this with being interesting, artistic, intelligent, kind, sporty or has an awesome personality and body. But I would not date “white trash”, I’m layz myself but I’m not “white trash” I like to believe I’m more sophisticated than that.

ps, my lack of grammar and building nice sentences has to do with your website. Or my web browser. When you post a reply, half of your text disappears on the right. Its difficult to re-read for me so I could not edit my text.

Hey dude. More power to you for having a gf while still living at home with your parents. If she likes who you are that’s all that matters. I think it’s awesome for men to kick back and have women support us. Stay at home men of the world unite!

Haha tnx dude, but your article got me thinking. I’m going to make an effort to start my own business, I will never be able to motivate myself 100% to work for someone else. But I am going to take advantage of the situation I’m in instead of just remaining indifferent. I can afford to make a financial risk for my belgian beer export business and mayebe find my best self back when I start making some money. Cheers and happy hollidays!

This article basically tells all women that they deserve Prince Charming and nothing less.
Most people are not attractive, intelligent or rich. Half of the people out there are not as attractive as average, half not as smart and the vast majority of us aren’t rich.
An averrage woman does not autoamtically deserve to be with an exceptional man.
Can you guys do math at all?
Let’s say a woman wants a tall handsome man with lots of money.
Only 20% of men are 6 feet or taller. Let us assume that 25% of men are at least slightly good looking. That brings us to 5%> let us assume that one in 4 of those men have a good job.
That brings us to 1.25% o the male population. It is absurd for an average woman to demand this and alot more absurd for a fat single mother to demand this.
This article makes it sound like women are generally flawless and shouold settle for nothing less than perfect but the reality is most of us are average people and women people should not expect to find partners who have so much more to offer than they do.

why does a girl want some tall kid with no brains,or personality,
are you wanting a fantasy that takes you away on a white horse to a castle. and play merry maiden to someone that dont care.
I see this brunette babe in this picture, with this kid that dont smile, and looks like hes not there,
Id take this girl dote on her and do what she wants ,,,, noooo shed rather be with a loser that has no scruples or backbone.
forget it unless this junk changes Im not going out with a good looking woman I dont think they reallly care, and they just want to play stupid games,

Well, being a woman who has dated a lot of men I would like to add my thoughts. Basically what I saw was a bunch of men pretending to respect and like me when all they wanted was sex and once they either got it or didn’t, I never saw them again. one boyfriend I had for a while treated me badly but I gave him a few chances until his behaviour became too much to bear. He turned out to be an alcoholic and liked the drink more than me, something I did not realise when we first started our relationship. So what’s guess I am saying is that people pretend to be someone else so they can get what they want and I think men tend to do this a lot with women because they want sex. I however want something else in a relationship like companionship and intimacy etc. I have never pretended to be someone I am not. What you see is what you get with me. I am independent financially and emotionally and want to meet my equal, not Prince Charming or some rich guy, just a decent human being. This is sadly becoming very difficult for man women who are sucked in by liars and losers . I believe there are just not enough decent men to go
around. I am honestly not fussy at all and have always given men a go but have now given up as they always end up using me. I am not demanding or needy…just a normal, nice woman but the men I meet can really be quite breathtakingly dishonest and self seeking.

Having faith in another person’s ability to change is a good quality in a human being. It just goes too far when the other person skates on that goodness, and never steps up to the plate.
Many women, and men, had a father who was a financial support but not an emotional one. He was never home, he was always working. It’s nice to have things, but ultimately, emotional starvation hurts. So, when you look for a partner, maybe you subconsciously LIKE that this person sees the work, work, work mentality as undesirable. Maybe you want a person that has time to spend with you. I wouldn’t see a low income person as a loser, necessarily. Ambition towards living differently, or having other ideas is cool too. But someone treating you badly, no.

many women just seem to pick the loser men today, but with so many women now that have an attitude problem, it is just as bad. there are many of us good straight men out there looking to meet a good woman, but the women are very unfriendly nowadays. it seems the good women just can’t connect with us good men anymore, like they did in the past.

Put two of any species in a box and think carefully how that looks.
Knowing that the first logical step will be personal survival.
The second will be dominance and control. That’s just basic instinct.
Then the nesting instinct, the need for basic necessities.

Lions mate for life, she does the hunting in most cases, he likes to hang back with the kids, but he adores her and she’s devoted to him.

Elephants, females push the male away and only use them for breading, male Elephants will spend their lifetime alone and be stampeded if they come within range of female elephant mothers.

A snake mates and leaves, they do not hang, they are not touchy feely, they need a warm rock and some sunshine. They’re simple folk.

A rabbit likes to nest, a male and female will love to have children and sleep together forever. They love sex, they are vegans. They are soft and cozy and live a simple life. They are fast too. They like running around in the forest and quickies are lovely sport.

A fox has a den a wife a litter a life. A fox is crafty, sly, sneaky and she is also. They get along because of their instinct to “try things” to get into mischief. They are also devoted to one another for all intense purposes, they’re inlove with the game.

A wolf is dominant, impulsive, determined, wise, loves a crowd, but likes his down time to think. He fought for her, drew blood for her. She is the same but is more in protection of her cubs, she will let him roam, she has better things to do. She loves him at a distance and is respectful at all times. He admires his cubs and likes to play with her on summer days. They have fun, but mostly life is serious business.

In all cases, she makes the choice, but he initiates that dance.

A female animal has zero time for a man who will not make the investment. If it’s for a week-end or a millennium. Any female who will settle for less then what she NEEDS!!! (yes I said it)
is a woman who keeps picking the wrong animal. She should know what one she is first.

Added Note: A female animal will rarely if ever pick a wounded male. Often she will pick up the litter and move on, even if she remains alone.
Most males will pick available females, he in most cases is not choosey, he wants what he wants and he wants it soon. She is responsible for breeding rights, he is responsible for keeping himself ready to attain her breeding rights.

I want to talk with them. I am done with the kind of shit for men that have been swarming around me for decades. DONE. Then I have to kick their asses to shreds in order for them to become better men? After the reject finds that he is no longer worthy to even know my name? Why are you men as stupid arrogant as you all appear to be. If you think that their are 13 women to your every man on this planet then go find them. I am the 14th that doesn’t want you. Go with the skank you are seeking and stay away from me. I am tired of training you were to shit and piss upon is not going to be ever me. You learn with the bitch that will put up with your scumloserness. Not me. I am done with you pieces of shit for men. You belong in your Scumshit Planet, not with myself. She is that idiot that puts up with your continued abuse of her. She is that dumbass women that hides the fact that your are as miserable as she is and you make the perfect match in your hell. I don’t want you. And your women knew this before your attacks upon me. She is that bitch that you have been with that you would falsely use my name to get your way with your skank. Stop blaming me for what you are. You lost me in your life and you needed to deal with the why’s not the who’s or what’s or where’s. I am not the problem. You are. If I state to get out of my life that doesn’t mean that you as a previous dumbass piece of shit that lost me are to force your way into my life with your skank of a woman to destroy my life over you using me as a weapon with her making her into my arch enemy due to both of you as womanizing pieces of shit in your own formed Scumshit Planet. How dare you pieces of shit for people. Get out. Stay out. Do not terrorize and attack my entire life and children due to you being primitive beasts for people who have nothing better to do than to treat me like you want to treat the skank that you have been dealing with who is not me. Get out of my life. I don’t care who you think you are. Or who you think you have become. Or who you think will make you a better man than that skank you used as a weapon you are stuck with. Get out of my life and stay out of it. Forever. You made your own dog bed with your nasty vicious bitch of a woman. You men that lost me know why you did and why you are duds to me. How dare you lie, cheat, steal from me over your problems and issues. How dare you violate me and my children why you know why you lost me in your lives. Get out. Stay out and know that you have not changed. You are not a better man. You have gotten worse with your nasty vicious bitch that had to hear your complaints with her not me. Tell her the truth of why you lost me in your life. And no longer use me or what delusions that your mentalities think of me in your past. You knew what your problems and issues where and are before your ever forced yourselves into my life and what the summation of your terrorism upon my life is the same as when you were rejected by me to get out of my life. You need your skank and she needs her scumloser. No matter what you tried to revenge me for it is you that never learns that I have enough weaponry in regard to you to show everyone that you remain that scumloser of a man that I do not want. I do not need. And that you endlessly chase your tail seeking that stupid idiot for a woman who thinks she is better than me when she is not and all that you are are womanizers and will never learn the difference. Feel better about your little arrogant ignorant skank scumlosers selves for attacking me falsely and wrongfully over who you are and I am not? Truth bite you and kick you in the ass once again? hm. GET OUT OF MY LIFE. Take your piece of shit with you, you nasty UGLY pieces of shit bitch.

I agree with everybody. I think that these guys are just manipulative, lieing losers. They prey on vulnerable women and make them believe they will give them the world. In retrospect, don’t go crying t mommy when she pulls a bobbitt on your precious little thang. Or she puts you six feet under. .May be you just got trickbagged by a lieing manipulative women version of yourself. So suck it up and pull your thumb out your ass. Im just saying.

Yikes!!! If they’re over 18 and ALL they do is wake, bake & game then there’s obviously something wrong with them. They’re stunted. Stuck as a perpetual fourteen year old. We should feel bad for them…stop by their granny’s house every now & then to remind them to shower & try to convince them to dump their “Homer” pj’s. But we should NEVER have sex with them…no matter how well endowed he is or how much he SEEMS to know about tantric sex. Remember…he’s a perpetual 14 year old so that just gross plus there is always the real DANGER of procreation. This breed must die out. No question.

I just want to voice another view of this debate. Some women like losers because they like to be in control. It is not the loser “using them for sex” as stated above, but the other way around. Not all women have bad self esteem or are trying to fix a man. Why is it that a man can date any loserish woman he wants yet no one posts about that? Yet if a woman chooses to sleep with a man with little life ambition but a great body, then all of a sudden she “can’t let go” and “has a mommy complex”. It’s a double standard. If men can use women for sex then I (a woman) can do the same too!

I agree. My ex is love with a loser with no job, and living with friends. Despite our kids and home. Her emotional connection to this person more important than family. We’ve talked about getting back together, but she still goes on dates while dealing with this other low rent guy. It’s really depressing. Maybe she a loser too., that I should not got involved with in the first place

Well, that’s a theory, but there are plenty who are with guys that actually aren’t above average in looks or physique. You know, maybe that’s important to you, and that’s fine, but I don’t think that’s what anyone is really talking about here.

Besides, he’s not talking about someone just sleeping with a guy and accusing her of not being able to “let go.” He’s talking about someone who actually CAN’T let go. You’re comparing two different things. He’s talking about emotional attachment, and you’re talking about just plain physical attraction.

I know I am really late replying to this, but as a female who was engaged to a deadbeat, I feel the need to comment.

I met Mr X on a music video set that I was a makeup artist for. At the time he seemed like everything I at 22 (albeit a very young 22) wanted. He worked full time, liked music, and was a Goth. I didn’t feel superior to him due to his lack of education or work (I had qualifications and completed secondary school, he dropped out), and I did not feel the need to ‘change’ him. I encouraged him to pursue his talent in art however, and remember telling him that working in a chafe at minimum wage was only fine if he intended on becoming the worlds best barrista, or it was his passion. I genuinely enjoyed spending time with Mr X and he was originally very emotionally supportive. Problems arose when we both went back to study. He refused to get a job, and mooched which resulted in us (me) going to in to NZD25k of debt. Not an ideal situation. Eventually I realised that at 32 his ways were essentially set in stone. He was happy living off of the student benefit, spending everything on alcohol and partying, not focussing on a school and failing. So I left. I knew I could not change him, and other than general support and encouragement partners give, never did. I am very self confidant, but didn’t look down on him. I guess it came down to being young and stupid and wanting a goth boyfriend.
I am now 27, and am still dealing with the consequences of being with a deadbeat. My studies have gone on hold as I put paying back debt at upmost importance (most came from him not paying rent in favor of partying and getting tattoos) and have nearly payed off everything working a job I hate. I can’t believe how stupid I was, but it taught me incredible life lessons and has given me rocket fuel to try a succeed in the future, despite being 3 steps backwards.

Sorry for the essay. I have dyspraxia so hope I expressed my view clearly.

with so many very High Maintenance women that are out there today, they are the ones that are very horrible to meet because they really think they are all that. most of these type of women are looking for a man with a very large bank account, and just can’t accept many of us men for who we are. I would certainly say that they are really the Big Losers. very obvious why many of us men can’t meet a decent woman anymore, and we’re Not To Blame.

It’s not about a large bank account… It’s about pulling your weight… You can’t rely on Ione person in a ship… You both have to play your role and take care off your business because what if something happens and your partner becomes incompasitated Abd that partner took care of everything and the other was a mooch… Respect yourself and take care off your crap so you can take care of your crap with someone else whi takes care of their crap and wants to help you like you help them

I see this girl I know,
shes a letter carrier,and is attractive. shes ben thru two divorces and now i see her with a scroungy guy thats unkept and no personality,and an attitude,
she says hi to me in the market, but shes with him and and i can tell that he’s bad fron no talking and scroungy looks’
what is wrong with this woman anyway.
Im so tired of these woman around here that settle for low life’s,

Yeah this article sounds 100% Legit! I feel bad for a lot of these girls, especially the ones that have to have my leftovers, my ex is a dead beat daddy, cower, fake, pedophile, mentally slow, loser. I mean this guy blackmailed me to stay by his side and threaten to kill himself if I left him (he has scars in his arms for me to blackmail me), he even got me pregnant on purpose to wrap me around his finger (I know this is personal but he never let me know when he did “you know”), when he had me there and I needed him, he cheated “he didn’t think I would find out”. I love our child but wow!… I feel so bad our baby has to have such poor excuse of a man for a father.

I would never date a dead beat father! I think so low of men who don’t take care of their own child, PEOPLE you can ever trust that type of men if they do that to their own blood and flesh imagine what they would do to you. They just want to get laid and have fun also have some help with the bills (if they are loser without any higher education).

FOR girls who date dead beats; It is so true that dead beat fathers make up a lot of lies and make their child’s mother sound like the bad guy, like they are crazy, and they say that they don’t let them see their kids. When really this is all a way to cover up for the scum bags and loser that they are. Ugh makes me sick!

People go out with “losers” because they don’t need to hold themselves accountable. Their own less than decent behavior is thereby justified. Being with a good person removes your own justification for being selfish. The dead beat loser won’t dump you for joining them in the gutter.

Also, girls who only like bad boys are full of it. Real bad guys don’t want you to know they’re bad, see … they’re up to something …. usually for $$$. They’re looking to keep a low profile & stay out of jail. Like good men (not nice guys) they are busy.
Some real outlaws do embody being a bad boy, like real bikers. They don’t have time for a girls BS either. Their reputation precedes them.

The rebel they like is really a show off willing to play a girls silly games, they also are the type to attract the attention of the police, ending up in jail & doing the whole rebel image thing. The girls who like bad guys don’t even know who the real bad guys are. They just want some attention. They deserve each other.

Men’s behavior is the result of female selection pressures over millenia. Most women will only have sex with men who behave certain ways and most of those behaviors are correlated with Testosterone levels. It just so happens that those behaviors are are also correlated with a host of other behaviors that make actual relationships impossible.

I lived with a deadbeat pothead woman for 8 years. I loved her so much because she was intelligent, witty, and had a passion for many of the things I liked. The only problem was that she was extremely lazy and never applied herself. She expected me to do everything. She never offered any emotional support and ended up being more of a roommate than a lover, and a bad roommate at that. She would sit around and play MMOs constantly and not want to do anything else. I tried to play with her but I didn’t have the time to spare and when I did I was too mentally fatigued from work so I would sit with her and ask questions about the game. I showed interest in it and would congratulate her accomplishments. She then started acting like she didnt want me around. I noticed her hiding conversations from me. She was becoming friends with her guildmate and they talked on Skype every day. I figured there was no harm in it because he lived all the way in Sweden. I was wrong. I caught them havung Skype sex one night. She revealed to me her plan to move to Sweden with him abd they would meet on Valentines day. I felt so bad. I’m now in a relationship with my highschool sweetheart. She treats me well and is more responsible but she’s not quite as smart. Her treating me better makes me happy but I still feel like something is missing. I like a woman who I can debate politics or philosophy with, not someone who debates about what happens on Real Housewives. She treats me better though, so im happy in this relationship. I can keep the philosophical debates for my friends.

She sounds really feminine to me. Though, maybe you should encourage her to do what you have specified was the probable outcome. If she is so smart, why doesn’t she realize that her replacement “relationship” is totally untenable? How many “relationships” that start out like hers actually succeed-very few.

“And working 40-60 or more hours a week plus taking care of the home and kids is a walk in the park?”

Definitely not. But interestingly, 30% of prime working age (25-54) women don’t even work (vs just 10% of men), and of those prime working age women that do, only 78% work full time (vs 91% for men), and of those that do work full time, they work on average 5 fewer hours a week than men that work full time. In other words, the # of women in America – even in prime working age – working ~50-60 hours a week, is quite small (while very common for men). The #s are more stark if you don’t look just as prime working age. Personally, I wished my wife worked. I’d be able to retire at 42ish rather than 46-48. She spent 3 years begging me to let her quit b/c she hated corporate America.

As an average nice (but not doormat) guy who tried POF in the past sans shirtless/car/tattoo pics, this is absolutely accurate. B-Dwag, it’s very important you lie about your height too if not at least 6′ tall. I am, and even that’s not good enough for some on there. If you’re going to wear a shirt…MMA, Affliction or Ed Hardy will surely score you extra points. I know, I know. Their profiles say they aren’t into that stuff but most of them are lying!

What little attention I did get on that site was from the typical women you’ll find on there – the female loser.

Even if you can find one that doesn’t show signs of a drama princess suffering from BPD at first (let alone kids, tattoos everywhere, etc.), chances are, they’re likely still logging in and waiting for that moment to ‘upgrade’ from you to the next sap. No doubt many men do it too I’m sure.

POF is a great site if you’re looking for a short-term fling. It’s true, crazy women are great in bed. That said, don’t go jumping head first into serious relationships anytime soon. I tried, with a very attractive women I couldn’t believe was single let alone using a dating site. Two months later, it became obvious why. Bat-shat crazy with depression, daddy issues, etc.

Thankfully, I’ve found a great woman offline who doesn’t think she’s part of a reality show and is happy with me as I am.

Thanks for the chuckle LOL – brings back memories of a time I hope never to return to.

I am a natural fixer in life. I have an excellent job and an awesome family. I fell hard for someone recently that I felt was my mate for life. At first he showed me his home and land. He told me about his child (I am a single mother myself). He had a huge amount of land and a family business. I thought my prayers of finding someone that was hard working like me were over. We enjoyed so many of the same things, and were like peas in a pod. Then one day…. I WOKE UP. I noticed after a while… He has a family business that his mother runs. His mother controlled his money, and paid all the bills for his home and land from the family business. I would work all day, and he would nap most of the day. So basically after time, I realized. He didn’t work. He sat around and watched TV and napped all day. His once very nice home ended up dirty and very unclean after a while, until his mother visited once a month, then it would be clean again. He wasn’t willing to clean his house, and/or cook dinner, breakfast, or lunch. There was never food at his house. He also had never been married. He had a child, but never married the mother. His child was a demon when he visited. The man had so much resentment for the childs mother that he let him get away with ridiculous things so that when he returned him to his mother, the child misbehaved with her. Then it just kept going on and on in this relationship. I kept doing more and more and more. We began arguing because he never had money, but nevery wanted to get a job. Then one day…. During a heated argument…. He was stating something that I had said previously, and was using it against me as he had always done before. But this time…. He called me a joke. It was not the worst words that he had ever called me.. But it was the truest words he had ever said. I was a joke. It was me.. I was the one that let this lowlife person consume me. I was the local joke in town and with my old friends (who he wouldn’t let me talk to anymore). People all around me couldn’t believe that I had fallen for someone like that. They were laughing at me and not with me anymore becuase I had gone out with this individual. I was a joke. It was the best words that he ever could have said. I cut the relationship immediately and walked away from that person. I have looked back and do miss him, but not alot. It was time to move forward and that person was not for me. I missed out on a year and a half of my life. And that is time that I will never get back, but it is the best lesson of a year and a half of my life. It taught me that my values were higher than others and I deserved better.

I am sooo tired of hearing how women that date deadbeats have low self-esteem, think they don’t deserve any better etc. That is complete BS. Okay, maybe some women do, but when a woman keeps picking the same type of loser, she is getting something out of it for herself.

My former best friend for thirty years has picked guys with the following qualities: No money, no education, dead beat dad, drug addict, done time in prison, uses everyone and anyone, wants meaningless drug-induced hard-core sex. Get the picture? Oh and don’t forget that the guy has to have a slim athletic body, even though she is lazy and out of shape. She is very shallow. I agree with Victoria, it is about wanting control…with a minimal amount of effort.

At first, I thought, she must have some underlying self-esteem issues. But one after another deadbeat came and went, and she pursued all of them like a horny housecat. I began to realize that the men she chooses are the ones she wants. She gets a feeling of power and superiority over them. And if there is trouble, with the relationship, or even the law etc., she can use the guy as a scapegoat and blame it all on him, because who would blame her when he is obviously such a flawed person and she is so superior to him? Every problem is HIS FAULT. That’s all there is to it. When is someone going to write a book about that?

It happens less often than men going out with gold diggers. The number of women who pay alimony to men is still a small fraction of men paying alimony to women. Men pay about 97 percent of all alimony. So you should support men that dont want to pay for everything in our modern age where women make just as much money as males.

This happened to me! I was with a once working man who made money, bought me things, while we worked at the same place. I made more than he but he supported his child, and helped with bills while living with me. That all changed once he got fired, started his drug habit again. he then decided while he made absolutely no money to cheat, lie, steal, etc and that’s when I had enough. Weird that someone who had nothing and I gave him everything would do that.

Women go out with dead beats and losers because they have no self respect. A man can spot the difference between a woman with self respect, (a lady) and a skank in the blink of an eye. And any man worth his salt won’t have any thing to do with a sleazy skank. That doesn’t leave the vast majority of women out there with a whole lot of choice. I often see posts asking where all the “nice guys” are? We’re avoiding you, honey. Big time. You didn’t really think we were going to take you home to meet our mothers did you? TMF

Only insecure women date losers. Either it’s a victim/savior type of relationship or these chicks think that’s all they deserve. Stop being a doormat for some loser who doesn’t even appreciate you. Because if you let it continue, your loser boyfriend is going to use and abuse you…

These thoughts are related to the article but a bit diverging at times.

I read several articles on women empowerment, women issues, feminism, etc. Some of the conclusion which I have drawn are:

In the past 5 decades after the feminist movement and higher female labor participation there has been a sea change in how selection of a partner/wife takes place.
This is due to increased social and economic mobility where people born in lower income groups can make their way to higher levels through hard work. Again this happened throughout history but earlier the barriers were almost insurmountable. Now the barriers are much less rigid and to an extent almost non-existent.

The ideal way to understand this is my dividing the population into different percentile groups by earning. Top 20%, 60-80%, 40-60% etc.
Some basic generalized assumptions (should be correct in 95% or more cases according to my experience and observation):
Men like to earn more than their female partners.
Women like their partner to earn more than them.

This factor affects two groups greatly:
A) Women who are in the top 20% earning band. These women need to find partners in the same profession so both can equally share towards a higher living lifestyle. However men in this band might rather go for a women with a bit lesser income so the career of the male partner is prioritized. (I am a male and do not believe there is anything bad in this thought)

B) Male who are in the bottom 20% income band or deadbeats according to the article. These would be unemployed, minimum wage or temporary contracts. They generally cannot find partners based on income, intellect, etc. and hence have to rely on charm, creativity, etc. But again this works for a smaller time length. Women in early 20s might go with this man out of curiosity,to have new experience,etc.etc. , but by the time she is in late 20s or early 30s they would rather be single or look for higher earning partners.

Hence the current system pushes males to earn higher so they can select from a larger group of females. It disincentives higher earning females by reducing their chances of finding a male.

From a historical perspectives when social mobility was almost non-existent and there was great class hierarchy, every male/female would search for a partner within their earning/ family earning group. This would protect their wealth over a longer term.
This arrangement provided partners for people in every band, even males in the lowest band.

However within the current system there is a constant struggle to move upwards. AGAIN nothing bad in this situation: it has given us social mobility, more inventiveness, entrepreneurship, better quality of life, more goods,etc. But it also leads to :Faster pace of life, lower cohesiveness within society, constant jumping from one partner to other(both for males and females),etc,etc…

So the essence of what your are saying is the American way of life is anti-stable family. America led the path to social mobility and also divorce and feminism, both of which are anti-male. So for lower social economic status men, leaving the North America may be in their best social interest, but not in their social welfare interest (American welfare is near the best in the world). The only way around the divorce issue is to live in sin, never marry.

Lower social economic status men in non western socities tend to fare worse in the dating game. Families typically have strong veto powers when it comes to marriage: being poor will at best delay marriage by years until the guy is at least stable or the bride’s better suitors stop coming by.

Chances nuch higher theyll get married but likely to the least attractive women since the poor, good looking ones tend to marry up

I was a stripper for 8 years! Iam very confident! I dated great men. Have a greal man! I had to take care of my mother whose mentally ill! Also pay for college myself! So NO NOT ALL STRIPPERS HAVE LOW SELF ESTEM. NOT THIS X-DANCER! YES INDEED THERE ARE some that have low self estem& do date losers. THIS IS NOT THE CASE FOR ALL OF THEM!

I don’t even know how to process this comment, which is an all-to-common perception. I am objectively above average looking and intelligence and higher earning than most men. My partner of 13 years is a “nice guy” who is helpful, funny, smart and thoughtful but for the love of God can’t earn a living. For 13 years I’ve been encouraging him. I bought him a sign for his truck when he worked for himself doing construction. Never could get more than part time hours. I let him move in so he could get caught up on bills he owed and get back on his feet. I went back to school to become a dentist so he wanted to go back to school too. He became a chiropractor. Now 4 years after being a chiropractor, he still can’t earn a living and has half a million in debt. Hello don’t mean he’s just lowered income than me. I mean he literally cannot pay his expenses. He can’t or won’t find a job working for someone so he started his own office twice now. He cant seem to get enough patients and when he does he can’t figure out how to get paid from insurance. Meanwhile I spent thousands helping him get his first office set up. He doesn’t appreciate advice on how to build his practice. I started buying properties and paying him to do maintenance, so I am actually his main source of income. He has way more leisure time during the weekday than I do because I’m busting my hump so that there will be a retirement nest egg. But he has nothing saved, is in huge debt, and yet each day seems to do very little to market his clinic or get the word out to patients who could use his care. His a good chiropractor but a terrible business man. From the beginning, I always paid for both of us when we go put. Even before I met him I have always paid my way because I never wanted to be indebted to anyone. From my twenties to now. I am fifty. I never expected anyone to pay my my way. So you judge me saying well you must be ugly. I am attractive even if I say so myself. So you say well you must be a loser with low self esteem. That is easy for you to say. But what about the fact that he is a genuinely nice person and I genuinely care about him and want the best for him. He loves me and I don’t want him to be hurt. I want him to thrive. I don’t want to find someone else. I just want him to pull his own weight. Men like you judge women who wanttheir man to earn decent living. You call them gold diggers. If they settle you call them losers or ugly. Sounds like you just hate women. I am not looking for him to be rich. I just don’t want to be a sugar mamma. He is also 50 by the way. But when my mom and brother were terminally ill, he went with me to care for them. He’s not put partying or flirting with other women. The problem, by providing for him I feel like his mom or older sister. I love him but I can’t feel sexual for him because I have this sort of care-taking role. I have always tried to work from the assumption we are equal. And he does have skills I will never have which I admire. He is always available. Like a good girlfriend. But I don’t want to sleep with my girlfriends either. I am not frigid. He wants sex all the time and I’m always making excuses. He tells me it is always new for him like the first time and always finds me hot. He is skillful on bed to his credit. But it’s always a matter of me giving in and letting. It’s never me wanting to tear his clothes off. Even though he too is exceptionally very good looking. I am writing because I honestly want input here. Life is getting shorter and it doesn’t look like his job is ever going to be more than a hobby. I can’t marry him or I will be liable for all his debts. From an outsider’s perspective, what do see as the problem?

Oh. Two choices: either you stay with him for the friendship and accept that he will not pull his weight, or you end it. I hate using the word, but you are acting as an enabler. (Hey. I wouldn’t be reading this if I wasn’t experiencing similar problems). So what’s the payoff for making all these sacrifices. Is it impossible for people to – maybe that should be “women – to be individuals and not get sucked into the societal trap of having to have a man? Like the way that too many men believe they must procreate in order to be “men,” even as they abandon the mothers and the children?

My dearest relative has gotten herself into a situation that is incomprehensible to me. He’s a “good” enough guy. But his life story sent up so many red flags about him – nothing criminal or anything like that – but he seems to function only through the women he has been with. Anyway…

The thing to do is live separately. I wonder if you met this man when you were at the top of your game, so to speak… what would this type be? Undefined as individuals. Never individuated. Not “whole?” Whatever they are, they don’t belong in a live-in situation. You wouldn’t go into business with someone like this, right?

Sounds like you’re codependent need someone to take care of. I didn’t hear mention of children. Also, I hear your tone soften as you spoke about boyfriend helping with caring for your parents. I get the sense you took on a lot of responsibility as a child. Not, to mention we have been condition as women to care for others before ourselves. Your boyfriend
Doesnt maintain anything because he knows you will take care of everything. He is using your weakness and strengths against you. There is no excuse for his grown ass healthy self to not be ablessed to make a living for himself. You have but two choices stay with him and let him teAR you down from all you’ve worked to acquire or let his ass go. It’s not even a question if he will do it to some else yes bease it’s plenty women out here struggling with codependence. We have been condition to pit everyone before ourselves that doing it any other way seems unnatural. Get a puppy less headaches. You should seek counseling to get yourself help. He’s not your problem your choices are. Stop settling because you’re thinking he is going to be with someone else. He’s not going jto j change and if. He does know he didn’t do it for you. Go get what makes you happy! Hell, get nice guy that can hold his own and have some mad crazy sex! You will forget all about nice guy broke lazy ass! I look forward to an update!

Jacqueline Jones, I didn’t expect to get replies and never checked back in until now! Thank you for responding so thoughtfully! You had me laughing and also cringing because you have a funny way of pointing things out and also because you cut to the heart of some things that I have to admit are true. You are wise and generous. The update is (if you are still out there): I still go to work 9+ hours per day 5 days a week to a stressful clinic and come home exhausted. I bought a house which we do not live in, but which I wanted him to renovate so that we could move into it. The deal was that I would not pay him for the renovation because he would live there with me when it was done. I felt that if he was providing this valuable contribution, then I could justify being the only earner. He did a chunk of the renovation. He works on it a little bit on the weekends and wants me to work with him. I do but I am exhausted. During the week he goes to his office and sees zero to three patients per week. (I imagine George Castanza under his desk. ) I see at least 100 patients per week to put it into perspective. I don’t know what else he does during the week, because he is making so little progress on the house, which is completely uninhabitable. I will admit that if I ask him to do errands for me while I’m at work, he generally will do them. If I do call it quits, it is hard to imagine taking this leap. I guess I am scared. But also just plain exhausted. I feel like I can barely get a breath above water as it is. And also worried for what will happen to him. I do love him as a friend and family member. His father just got a bad diagnosis and will not be around long. I should be there during this tough time as he was for us. If I leave, he might go into a deep depression. Or, as you said he might turn around and find someone else or become successful! That’s so funny you said that because a part of me actually thought that! Sure, as soon as I leave he becomes the beloved most-sought-after chiropractor in town, but I didn’t have the faith to believe in him and left him while he was down! Ironically my first two husbands (cringe that sounds so bad that I had two husbands) became independent and respectable after we parted ways! OMG! That sounds even worse and it is all true! I am always ashamed of the fact that I had two husbands and that they were both losers when I was with them and are now successful. OMG! It IS me! This is so illuminating and so awful to realize! It stung when you said “He’s not your problem; your choices are.” As for children, he has two grown girls, one of whom is married with a baby. So he is a grandpa now. They have tried to imply I am grandma but I am not feeling it. I never played mom to them and never married their father so I am not going to jump in as a third pseudo grandmother. I have a grown son who is getting married in the Fall in Hawaii. That’s the other thing. I will have to pay for his trip to Hawaii and am guessing that he and his x-wife may be wanting me to pay for their two daughters and their hubbies also to go to this destination wedding. I can’t not at least take him if we are a couple. That’s money I could be contributing to my own son and his bride or to my own student loan repayment. On the other hand, for his daughter’s wedding, I paid for the flowers, in addition to a generous cash wedding gift (the card signed by both of us of course) and shower gift and he wasn’t able to contribute financially. He instead made some (admittedly very pretty) decorations out of tree branches that he gathered.
Dear God, so let’s say I do end this anyway. The worst case scenario: he sinks into a deep depression, his father illness progresses, I am not part of the family during this tough time and am cast as the coldest-hearted witch. But with my track record, all indicators are that he will actually be BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME! So really, for HIS sake and my own, I should pull out. Even though I love him. And BECAUSE I love him. Ms Jaqueline, you have given me a lot to think out loud about. Thank you!

I feel like I just read my own life through you, granted I’m 32 and don’t have a career going for myself yet. I was a professional photographer 9 years and a nanny 5, then developed cancer due to my high levels of stress, 80 hour work weeks, and 3 hrs sleep nightly since age 17. I’m very attractive (guys won’t shut up about it). To me, men are babies. They are needy , clingy, don’t want to work, won’t work, and cry because I am a strong independent attravtive woman and they are desperate for me. In my past, if I ever dated any, they’d make my life a living hell. They need full time care, emotionally and mentally. They make me feel like I’m in a prison and I end up wanting to scream and run. I stay for a while out of guilt. I get nothing out of relationships because I refuse to carry a full grown man through life.
But back to why I relate to you. I am currently dating someone. He of course doesn’t have a job. He of course needs me. He of course wants to marry me. I am now finding myself planning to open a business just to support both of us in life. The difference with him is that I do love him. Just like you’re guy, he’s excellent In bed, loving, always there for me (like a girlfriend usually is for her man). He stayed with Me in the hospital 4 days. He is loyal to me.
I don’t need or want any man, I’m very attractive and sexy, I cherish alone time, I’m ambitious, smart, fun, and I care about others. I got caught up in this situation being with a man who makes me look less attractive due to the added stress. I’m actually giving up my looks for him…so I just want to say what a bunch of bitter losers to say these girls must not be attractive. I’m giving up my supermodel looks (I’ve been told that countless times), all because I love someone and am there for him. People are shallow, cold, and judgemental.

Wow, Kim. I just came back to this board and realized you and others had reached out. Thank you so much for responding. I can feel your frustration. And your exhaustion! I had never though about it that way, giving up your looks for the relationship. But in fact that is exactly what is happening. When you are basically working the work of two people, you are burning the candle at both ends and the stress eats away at you. Jesus. I didn’t even think about that part of it. God I hope your cancer has been curable. And now I am going to give you some advice that for some reason is easier to say than to hear. It is something my Mom said up until she passed last year: Take care of yourself because no on else will. Sad, but true. You have a right to take care of yourself, too. Is he taking care of you in other ways? Is there a reason he can’t work? Because if he is able to work and isn’t working, then…isn’t he, in a way, actually killing you a little at a time with all this added stress? Not in an evil, ax-murder sort of way, but as a possibly sweet and cute but needy leech sucking you dry because it’s the only way he knows how to survive sort of way?

I think your words are ugly! I think just by your words your UGLY!ARE U 5 YEARS OLD?? U THINK STRIPPERS ARE UGLY? WTF THERE’S THOSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF EXOTIC DANCERS IN THE UNITED STATES. THEY ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALL UGLY! LET’S SEE YOUR PICTURE??? WHO ARE U TO SAY ALL STRIPPERS ARE UGLY??? HAVE U TALKED TO A STRIPPERS BEEN TO A STRIP CLUB? WOMEN STRI0 FOR MANY DIFFERENT reasons. So for u to just say strippers are ugly. Shows your age ur a child! Grow up& your probably a very ugly person yourself to say that about ALL STRIPPERS!

I am married to a looser absolutely miserable and very beautiful. I have 3 kids 15 19 and 9. I am 36 he is 44. He has a job and everything but he just can’t get his finances together he pretty much doesn’t do anything with me and absolutely miserable and feel so alone it sucks because I am not the cheating type there has been lots of guys that have looked at me even Rich guys but I have never once cheated on him you just want to friend you know but I know what that will lead to so I just tend to pass it by and live miserable for the rest of my life so no you are wrong not all women are ugly that go out with losers. It sucks. I just can’t cheat this is my second husband my first husband we were young and dumb it’s really hard for me sometimes to see people happy and their families sometimes I just leave and just take midnight walks or I’ll go see my family just to be happy my kids get me through to I do love him but not in love with him anymore and I don’t know what to do like I said through sickness and in health.

I struggled in my early 20’s, suffered a nasty divorce from a cheater and was a single mom for many years. One rule I learned, if a man doesn’t have a job when you meet him, he might give you a sad story but if he isn’t back to work in a reasonable amount of time, don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your time on Mr. Handsome who may have been spoiled by women all his life. The guy that romances you might not be the right one either if he doesn’t come through on promises. Sometimes it turns out the guy who maybe isn’t Mr. Handsome but is nice looking and polite, treats you like you are important to him, comes through on his promises the best way he knows how and probably isn’t romantic but maybe a little shy, or the guy that doesn’t draw in women like a piece of meat would with sharks? THAT is the guy a woman should look more closely at. I know because I married a guy like that about 31 years ago and he is my best friend, my husband. Men treating women less than well may work in the movies but not in real life. If you have a male friend who isn’t gay, take a second look at him girls!

so you discriminate huh what about you having a job or does that only apply to men while you vegitate on the couch, really though i dont have a job, but i can tell you this i have a buisness which i started while i was unemployed and now with no help from women i employ people , thanks not for your help , take your selfish ideology somewhere else lady

Here is an idea….women need to learn that they don’t need men to make them feel “safe” and “secure”. This should be a huge red flag that she is probably a really insecure individual that will date a tall, bad boy, with muscles and tattoos over any decent, sane human being and then turn around and blame men for her irresponsible behavior.

This topic, in general, is one yet to be taken very seriously. I’m not sure what miracles were at play, but I was finally released from the grasp of this type of situation.
I don’t use words like deadbeat, I don’t generalize men as bad. That minimizes the very specific pain and emotional damage associated with dating one particularly bad man.

The “why” I dated him was stated above. I didn’t know he was bad until after the point of which “walking away” didn’t feel like a choice. Where walking away felt like giving up on somebody you loved. Where you still thought of him as a good man working to be a better man.
And while you were digging yourself in deeper, distracted by the practice of unconditional love, this man reveals his true self. A full coming out party, as the very bad man he is.
You’re then confronted by a sickening reality that most of the time you’ve been together, all he was truly working on were improvements on his manipulation skills.
You’ve even discovered where he can’t manipulate, he intimidates.

And yet, u continue to stay. Loneliness and unworthy feelings are now the only reality you know. Not just the result of this mans heinous carelessness. More damaging was the shaming by loved ones and general school of thought that only a flawed woman would choose that.
You go back him. More than a few times. To the thing that was bad, but oddly comforting in comparison to the dismissal by the “safe” people.

There was no reward. Down on their luck men in this thread can spin yarns all day about the insecure girl who loves to be mistreated. But it only serves to reveal their personal insecurities irrelevant to this discussion.

I love this. I’m in that predicament right now, trying to figure out how to get out because I’ve dug myself so deeply into it. Also second guessing my insticts, not sure if he’s for real or just a professional manipulator and a good liar. Your comment helped me a lot, and I do understand that part of the reason I stay is that I don’t feel worthy of being treated any better. Also hoping things will get better as they once were in the early days together. But how to change that feeling? My conscious mind tells me that yes, I deserve better. I’m a good looking woman with no problems getting dates. I have a decent job and work 50+ hours a week, raised my children completely by myself after I divorced, which tells me that I’m strong. But I keep letting the loser manipulate me…..or is it that he really does love me and is misguided on how things are supposed to be? This is what I battle every day anymore.

CHiggins, thankfully you are released. You put so much care and thought into your response. It was surgical and poetic at the same time. I hope that you continue to find healing and, beyond that, all the beauty and adventure that life has to offer. I hope to hear more from you.

I see so much of my relative’s current predicament in your situation right now. She’s with a grade A loser and I’m being nice. He’s always “gonna start a business”, “gonna get the current owner to take his advice”, and yet this creep hates people and refuses to work on his flaws. He swears everyone else is the problem and makes one excuse after another when he is eventually fired. He lived off of her and had her working two jobs and bugging her parents for money for years. His own parents won’t have anything to do with him, but he blames them for everything. If her parents had said no she would have been free, but they were worried about what he’d do to her so they caved in…repeatedly. He’s sunk his claws in deep as a result.

She’s wasted damn near a decade with a manipulative sociopath, which is what I think you’re dealing with. As soon as she doesn’t agree with him on something he’s making threats, insulting and intimidating her. He’s gaslighting her, telling her she’s dumb when he couldn’t even finish school at all.

He’s arrogant, claiming no one else can run their company like he can, and of course there’s no telling what he’s done to her credit. She’s worked so hard as subsidizing this parasite she even defends her abuser too. She was ready to leave him at one point when she found out one of his outrageously expensive “business trips” was an expensive booty call where he was rejected. The other woman figured him out and when my relative threw his crap out he came back after the plane landed at 2 in the morning making threats. She took that piece of garbage back and her room mate told them both to leave. It’s insane to talk to the people who have dealt with him. He hasn’t done a thing he promises to, is incompetent in his work, is arrogant, and assumes he’ll just be a millionaire overnight.

The worst part is I’m starting a business so I can walk away from my current job, but I can’t tell the relative I worry about because her parasitic sociopath of a boyfriend will come calling. He’ll begin demanding he get paid for a job I’d never let him do in a million years and my patience is done.

After her parasite cheated on her she swore she’d never go back, but because she had a long list of pointless retail jobs and nothing in the degree field she worked so hard for she’s financially stuck. She won’t listen to any of the common sense advice her family is giving her. It’s always “*his name* says you have to do advertising this way only or it won’t work” or “*he* says I can’t do that, I don’t have enough experience to do that” and more. It is maddening because he’s abused her and indoctrinated her to the point she can’t even think for herself without approval.

Not only do you walk away from scum like that C Higgins you drop a nuke to wipe if off the face of the earth. You do deserve better no matter what you or others think. I don’t know how you got away from him but I’d love to know.

In my own personal experience, most women, particularly when they are young and at the peak of their attractiveness, don’t care what a man does for a living or what he has going for him. Instead, those women just want to play the field and have a good time. A lot of women will spend years with deadbeat men who are poor potential marriage partners simply because they are enjoying the moment and don’t want to be with a “nice” or “boring” man who works too much while building his career.

Women have a tremendous amount of power over men, particularly when they are young and hot. If they are smart and mature, they use it wisely. It astounds me how many women squander this power…

Easiest way to tell, IMO, if the guy is a good guy is to not put out for the first few dates (except for a kiss). If the guy waits, he’s probably a good guy. If not, he’s probably not.

I think the reason a lot of gals end up with bad guys is they are attracted to a lot of their characteristics – spontaneous, carefree, etc. A lot of them are also attractive and due to not having a job (or not having a job that requires you to work more than 35 hrs a week) have plenty of time to stay in shape also.

Unfortunately a lot of the attractive women spend their 20s “having fun” with the hottest guys they can find (ie go with a guy that’s and by the time they hit 30, the pool of available good quality men has shrunk by probably 75%-80%. My sister in law is that way. She’s 27 and very attractive. Recently she’s been dating 8-10s in looks from guys she meets on Match.com, etc or in person – nearly all of whom are total losers. She makes almost no money (30k/yr) and is always broke and complains about money and men. Recently, I tried to set her up with one my few single friends in his early 30s who just recently got out of a LTR. The guy is probably a 6 in looks (slightly above average), but super funny and great personality (~9), treated his last LTR amazingly for 6 years and makes terrific money (200k/yr+ in NC which is in the top 2% for this area). Her response: “He’s kinda cute but not interested. He’s not super hot.” I just sighed. In 5-10 years, she’s going to regret her decisions but for now she’s having fun having sex with a ton of super hot guys that treat her like crap.

Your definition of “good guy” in your comment is a man who doesn’t go for what he wants from women. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you can’t be attractive to women for who you are, when you’re successful.

I tried to hook my SIL up with one in CLT and he was just “average looking” “6 or 7” that besides his income was a great guy, funny as hell, and would do anything for his woman. Sigh in the last 12 months instead she has dated 10 losers, the best of which lasted 6 weeks. I’ve given up on her.

When you’re young and naive, it’s easy to fall for the lies of a deadbeat. Young people don’t always have the savvy to discern the wheat from the chaff, especially if their upbringing did not provide much advice on dating.

Look to the parents for answers to this question.

As for “the good ones are always taken”: If there are good singles, they are damned hard to find. It’s exhausting. There are a lot of people in committed relationships who bend over backwards to hide that so they can cheat until the emptiness in their lives is filled – or so they believe. And they prey viciously on the single population, knowing full well that there are so many of us for the taking. Date with caution, my fellow singles.

And ladies, keep your legs crossed. That’s the only way to weed out a loser.

Great article! I agree with everything said here, particularly with the comments about what women are doing in their 20s. I notice that much of the party scene here in NC is filled with young, tanned, fit people but not many have careers or even good jobs. Many work at the beauty counter at the mall, the gym as a personal trainer, or starter jobs. They spend all their time on appearance vs making money and building a future. It is rare that you find someone who does both.

I totally agree that women waste their time on good looks and sacrifice quality characteristics like ambition, compassion, and stable career. However, I do believe the good guys get taken early so you are left with a very small pool where you must choose between attractiveness and earning potential, decent morals, and all-around nice guy. Very hard to find both!

You are all wrong. Here is the issue, women have been making more money over the last 20 years than they ever had before. Now women have the same mentality that men have about money and status. So now when a woman asks a man how much money he makes and it’s a big number like 125 thousand a year it’s is intimidating for the working class woman. Therefore the working woman who makes let’s say 40 thousand a year would rather have someone that makes less so the feel like they can control him. On an everyday basis I see it more and more that the woman is in charge of the relationship. I see woman driving and men sitting in the passenger seat of the car. I see woman being single mothers with the father nowhere to be found. The question is why, why do I see that. It’s a simple answer since the women are out working all the time they want their man to be there at all times for them. A working man that is busy cannot be around all the time when a woman needs him because she is busy also. It is a crazy game these days, but the people losing are the hard working men.

I’ve met 2 women (who LJBF me) one spent 7 years in a rocky relationship and another 5 years. They both told me when they broke up wit them that they feel like they wasted their time. The only thing I can think of is they thought they were hot, probably the hottest guy they dated. They were obsessed with their man. They dont realize until the relationship is really over that they achieved nothing, no house, no car, no savings. The relationship was a waste of time.

In my youth I “dated’ around 200 women. The worst were the super hot ones. They had zero interest in Men except what they could get from them and were as promiscuous as any guy. The average looking girls had a lot more going for them. As far as male “Losers” are concerned, women don’t go for them so this article is hog wash.

I wish women didn’t go for them. Tell that to my roommate who is a total loser but somehow gets women. He just slept with my ex-best friend’s girlfriend within the last hour and he’s a filthy grimy person. I can’t imagine how dirty the women are. This is the cutest girl I’ve seen him with but honestly she’s not super hot I would put her at a 7 tops. This guy leaves used condoms on his floor for months at a time without even bothering to clean up after himself. That is a loser in my opinion. He’s not going anywhere in life he’s not even attempting to have a career in the future and he let’s his bosses screw him out of money on every pay check. How can he be anything but a loser?

In the world of love, I am a loser. I’m not ugly by any measure and some have even thought of me as handsome but I don’t feel it. Why? This man requires some acknowledgement, any signal, something, anything that hints at a possibility. So I’ve stopped trying because I don’t get any signs even though I throw a smile, a nod, an eyebrow raising, hints that show interest but I get nothing. Perhaps I should be more direct. With women I am acquainted with I do engage in banter, etc. But it seems like they took their measure of me and the result is “meh, I can have him if I want so it’s not a challenge”.

I’ve come to accept it and am coming to peace with it. I grew up thinking the same as most normal men. If you build it they will come. I built a good life (great career, a growing side business that is profitable, enjoy good health) and want for nothing except a normal girlfriend.

Yeah, I feel sorry for myself sometimes and it’s pathetic. But as time grinds on, I’m comparing myself to other men my age and am happy how I stack up: acquired wealth, prosperity, decent physique (minimal gut, fit, look great in a suit), etc. I am at ease talking to anybody about anything. I can go to a party (rare event) and easily socialize. I can come and go as I please. I don’t have anybody carping at me or getting hyper critical. I’ll take sex if I can get it but don’t get emotional about it.

I’ve come to be this way because at 55, it’s brutal out there. There are very few if any truly available women. Women come in a few basic configurations:

Angry/resentful: these are the divorced who feel they have given their all to their ex-husbands and children who are now grown and out of the house. They feel wronged. They’ve been fed all of the “empowerment” dogma and have gulped it down until it’s coming out of their noses. I have no chance at all with these women because I might have a trait or two that remind them of their ex-husbands or fathers who they might hate very much. These traits could be anything from a wrinkled shirt to my baldness. I am hopeful that their resentments may subside but then they’ll be close to 70.

Busy: these are the women around my age that have given up and have thrown themselves into caring for their grandchildren. They’re also resentful but not angry. They think all men are the same. At least they’re not angry and don’t project their anger at me.

Career: these women made decisions long ago that they don’t need or want men. They also gulped the feminist ideology early in life but now find themselves looking for validation and comfort from other women in the same boat. You can’t ride a bike well unless you’ve practiced and these women have spent their live competing with men instead of collaborating with men.

Former pretty or former hot girls: these women still for the most part have relatively nice faces but below the neckline they’ve not aged well at all. That nice rack doesn’t look so nice. She;s got orange peel all over her and her midsection is bulging. She’s had her pick of men and controlled the situation all her life (she’s picked losers) and hasn’t had to really put any effort into it. She’s enjoyed being an exhibitionist. Who wouldn’t with a face and body like that? But now she’s lost and is now resentful of men because they pass her up, except for the losers as defined by lack of job, hygiene, manners, and basic socialized behavior toward people. She doesn’t know how to attract a decent guy because she never had to think about it. Her expiration date is long past and she offers nothing to compensate like a nice home cooked meal, affection, compassion, or support. The world still revolves around her but it’s not. She’s still bartering entertainment for possible sex as evidenced by her love of “dating”.

Insecure: I have a business partner who happens to be a woman. She’s like family. We don’t have sex or a romantic relationship. I have to come up with a new word for “partner” even though legally, she owns a part of the LLC. For some reason, partner conjures up sex regardless of the adjective.

Possessive: these women don’t do possession like somebody cherishing something and taking care of it. These women want to control everything about you. Even if they aren’t interested, they don’t want their girlfriends to get a shot at you.

Conflicted: you would think at middle age and after all the feminist wars, sex is something to be enjoyed. But not for a lot of these middle aged women. They have not gotten past the madonna/whore thing. They’re still stuck on shame. At work they believe and spew equality in all its banal forms but regarding dating, it’s back to the 50’s. They don’t dare take a risk by expressing interest in a man. They would rather make the decision than suffer rejection.

Dino, this is in regards to your post. I agree with how hard it must be to find any kind of partner due to past relationships and unforeseen circumstances.

I am a 48 yrs. old attractive women that has seen her days of heartache. I was in a relationship for 18 yrs. with and alcoholic. I wasn’t really in love with him but I got pregnant at 18 and we had a beautiful daughter. I always dreamed of being that girl that wanted to grow old with the man I had children with, have grandbabies and be happy. I was far from that. He wasn’t a bad man, but alcohol controlled his life. I had a beautiful son 9 yrs. after my daughter. He was born with a disability, he turned my life around. I found patience and love that can’t be explained and I wouldn’t change him for the world. He is 19 yrs. old now and will probably be with me for the rest of his life. I never really worked outside the home when I had my children, I didn’t have them for someone else to raise so I opted to make sure they had a mom that was always there for them.

When my son started school full time I decided it was time to go back to work, I wanted my independence. I am a very independent and stubborn person, I will admit it. I am not unreasonable and I am very good listener to sensible. I don’t do stupid well. I bought my own house with a little help from my sister, my son and I were now on our own. I stayed away from relationships for 18 months. They say you should not get involved with anyone for at least one month for every year you’ve been married. I was common law, he wouldn’t marry me, he only ever asked when he had been drinking.

I then met, a man younger than me at the establishment where we both worked. He was one of those guys that said all the right things and made me feel really good about myself. Especially after being in a so called marriage of never going anywhere or doing anything for myself. He wanted to spend time with me and always had the right thing to say. He however didn’t have a license, his story was that he lost it being impaired and chased, and caught by the cops. (I know, red flag there) He also lived in a furnished basement suite with really nothing except his cloths. He only lived half a block away from me. He started coming over almost every night. He would mow my lawn, and we would talk for hrs. I was in a really good place financially. I always had money in my pocket, I had a low mortgage, my car was paid off. He was making really good money as well. We dated for about 6 months then he said he could move in and help me out. I didn’t need helping, but I agreed. Things were great for a while, then things started to change. Maybe it was me that was changing. We have been together 10 yrs., 8 of these married. Within these years I have always worked. I have taken care of my son. I am more of a homebody and don’t have any really close friends. I don’t like the bar scene.

Things started to change about 4 yrs. ago. Its hard to explain just when it changed. I think that it has just been gradually over the last 4 years when I realized that he doesn’t include me in any conversations he has with his friends. He confessed to me that he didn’t lose is license, he never had one. He didn’t want me to think he was a loser so he made up the cop story. He is very vacant when I talk to him. He has confessed that within the 10 yrs. of being together he has done coke on quite a few occasions. He is consumed with pot and associates with bad company. He knew I didn’t agree with any of that when we met. He checks out other women, not just the occasional glance, the stare for 30 second look. He watches porn. These are just some of the things he has done. It gets so much deeper than that. He loves camping and hunting and I really don’t. I would do it for him, I would enjoy it, but not every weekend and my holidays. He doesn’t want to do anything I enjoy. I want to travel and see places. Walk on the beach holding hands and lay on the beach somewhere drinking fruity drinks. I am a hopeless romantic, I like supper by candlelight or just cuddling on the couch watching movies. I am sure that our age difference plays a role since he doesn’t seem to be growing up. We are now in dept. up to our asses, with a camping trailer he had to have, yes I agreed, I didn’t want to sleep in a tent out with the bears and just wanted him to be happy. He has all the boy toys, Quad, Snowmobile, Motor Bike, and Trailer to hail them all. He has all the hunting gear. I have a huge car payment ( won’t even go into that story) and a Mortgage that is twice as much as when I first bought my home. Along with a $13,000 hot tub that has just rotted after the first year when the pipe burst, it froze and he never fixed it.

Now this is the second time and as the saying goes, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I am now in the process of a separation. I cannot handle the things he does now to drive me crazy and knows it. I have lost my trust in him. He’s like a teenage boy rebelling against his mother. Its draining! I now get anxiety attacks and my memory is not what it used to be, caused by stress. Now I know that being a strong willed person and stubborn that it probably hasn’t been a cakewalk for him either. I am not going to say that this is all his fault, cause its not. I played a role to, agreeing to all the things that has put us in this situation, now its time to call it a day and say it’s just not working.

I guess my point is….not all women are crazy. Well…yes we are, but we get hurt and demolished inside. We have all had our share of crap in our lives. Some can move on and be decent about it and others aren’t that strong and hang onto things longer. We as women hold on to things for a long time. We are definitely made to think differently than men. I wish that I could just let things roll off my back. I’ve been working on it, but we are genetically not made that way. But with that said, if the right guy came along and treated, and I will just speak for myself here, the way I need to be treated, I could work on seeing past all the crap that has happened in my life. Yes, there will always be little things that will remind me of things that happened in my past. I do believe that with that right person those things fade in time. Its all about understanding each other as well. I have always been one to say that everything we go through in life is a lesson. I know from this lesson that my standards for myself are higher. I know that I will not try to make a man a better man or think that I can save him. I would like to have a man in my life that I can trust, have fun with, laugh with, talk for hrs., share dreams with, and have each others back no matter what.

I am a dreamer, but after all this is done, I will be holding out for a man who knows how to respect and love me.

We all have stories, some good, some not so good. Some learn from them some never do. Don’t lose hope!

Unfortunately there are so many very Mentally Disturbed Psycho Women nowadays everywhere us Good Men go since when we will try to start a Normal Conversation with a woman that we would really like too meet which she will start Cursing at us for No Reason at all. Had it happened to me already and a friend that i know had the same thing happened to him as well about two months after me. It is very Obvious with these Pathetic Low Life Loser Women that do have very Severe Mental Issues why many of us men are still Single today which we have No Reason to Blame ourselves either since these women need Help very badly.

So true about psycho women, I have this experience everywhere, you try to be nice and polite but get hammered and treated as crap. Whereas scumbags and deadbeats get their full attention even get laid instantly. Go figure.

I used to date “losers” because I thought they would appreciate me more. I figured they’d think they had a catch and, thus, would treat me well. And by treat me well, I really mean neither reject, abuse, nor abandon me. For all my education, I had no idea what drove humans to make decisions (love, fears, beliefs) or what the major fears (failure, rejection, abandonment) consisted of. Had I known these things, I would have chosen to be alone rather than waste my time with losers. Had I been life smart, I would have gotten counseling and opened my heart to a real man who was a winner.

Had I known myself better-that is-know my true feelings and base my knowledge of them off of what I thought about, did, and dreamed of–rather than the lies I told myself–I would have lived my young adulthood radically differently.

I was better looking; in better shape; more muscled and heavier on the scale; more educated; better traveled; more responsible; and had a better personality. And I came from less. Go figure!

Whenever we went out, people stared and, at times, even laughed. “What is SHE doing with a guy like THAT?,” they must’ve been wondering. In fact, someone even ASKED me why I was with a guy like that and why wasn’t I with a man. That’s sad.

The truly weird part, however, was that the losers I dated didn’t actually think that highly of me. They ended up treating me like garbage and made fun of me quite frequently. This turned into emotional and, finally, physical abuse. They didn’t have enough world experience or education to appreciate me in full. In fact, they didn’t even really know the real me…because I didn’t know the real me.

My self-concept was a train wreck given the highly abusive and chaotic childhood I had had. It turned me into a beautiful person and over-achiever, and I really regret not seeing myself in that light. If only I had had someone sit me down and discuss with me my self-concept…but no one cared enough.

I used to do this too. I dated ugly men and old men BC I wanted to be appreciated more but I learned too late that just BC ugly n old guys say things like ‘if I had a woman like u I wud treat u like a queen’ doesn’t mean they actually mean it. Once u get them they start thinking well if I can get her then I can do even better BC it must be something about me that makes me so special. Then they start to flirt around, next they realize that u r just screwed for picking them and get worried that you might see what a real loser they are so they start treating u bad so u believe u can’t do better than them. Think I’m lying? Try what I did w my loser ex. He was very mean and ugly w me and controlling and unsupportive. Always rejected me and gaslighted me on a regular basis. One day I had enough and asked him ‘why am I even with u?’ Then I pointed out his obvious physical flaws (bald, grey head, wrinkles, bad teeth, belly) and told him if I wanted to get treated like shit I might as well date someone my age who’s in shape. Yes it was mean but he was abusive.
I told him that I loved him and put up w so much outside world drama of people thinking I’m a gold digger and at least he could love me right BC I was starting to think it wasn’t worth it. His face dropped and all of a sudden the bad boy facade melted and he started playing the victim. He shaped up for 3weeks then went back to being a jackass (that’s just who he was). I left him and have been happy ever since. I think to myself what was I thinking?! I loved him but part of me felt guilty to leave since he was way older than me and had said he didn’t want his family to say I told you so if we didn’t work out. I gave him 6 years of undying loyalty BC I cared about him more than myself and I had little to show for it. Don’t settle for a guy who is not in your league. Also old guys will purposely be mean n stingy to young gfs BC they want to prove to themselves you’re not using them for their money and they will overdo it and u will find that u end up taking care of them! Those old guys have been around longer than u and know all the right things to say to charm you. Proceed with caution if u are dating any man that is more than 8-10 years older than you.

Many women nowadays are just down right horrible themselves since i noticed that many women today have no good personality at all and are very disrespectful with us good men when you try to start a simple normal conversation with them since they will CURSE at us for no reason at all which this doesn’t make any sense at all. Many women unfortunately are such pathetic low life losers nowadays and really have some kind of a mental problem the way that they act with us today which many of them are choosing the wrong type of men anyway which certainly doesn’t say anything good about them now at all. It is very obvious why many of us men are still single today because of the CHANGE in the women now unfortunately since the good old days when MOST of the women back then were the complete opposite of what they’re today. And the women back then REALLY DID put these women today to real shame altogether as well.

My issue is my trust for women isnt there anymore …it takes two to tango but since we are focused on women here. I will say this. I have seen way too many married women and men have affairs at work, and tell good guys like me that by staying single ” I might be passing up something Great” Lol..I’m thinking what? I can’t wait to get married to a sweet women like you so you can run around on me behind my back..wonderful. Its hilarious. Also women don’t seem to have a personality of their own..it’s like if they like you they find out what kind of women your interested in, and then they just become that women. They think that they wield some special power over men and think they should be pursued and loved and taken care of and all that…basically entitled, and put nothing into the relationship. I always feel like it’s one sided. If there are good women and I’m sure their are..I haven’t met one.. Even on match.com there’s married women and men pretending to be single and crapping on someone’s heart..in the world of Tinder and the hook up culture, I’ve lost the will to even try anymore, Men are shit, Women aren’t bringing anything to the table but baggage and jacked up morals with no concept of decency. Makes me just wanna run right up to them and say hello haha. Good luck to both sides we all need it. Just my take.

Because that’s what’s around them is the short answer, you don’t find a diamond in a dumpster, stop hanging out in “trendy” bars or only going to things if there’s a chance it will end in a hookup. Men looking for a free ride are thinking the exact same way about how to get what they want (that being as much as possible for nothing) which is why going out specifically to meet men you meet losers. These men instead of thinking “where can I go to meet a nice woman” they’re thinking “where can I go that’s full of women so desperate they have to go looking for it” whether the women are desperate or not is irrelevant, the same woman men fall over themselves to talk to outside the singles scene is treated like day old bread the minute she hits a singles bar or opens a dating accout, perception is everything. The good men are too busy having a life to go to things where nasty people are putting knives in each others backs, if youre serious about finding a good man you should be too busy to be a part of that too, the creeps will only turn you off men in the end.

Hey, this comment is a bit late in coming; I only saw this article today (July 15th). I am in my early 60s, and have children who will be ‘eligible to get married” in a few more years. My wife & married later than the average American couple so our kids are still in their teens. I don’t mean to be preachy, but I don’t understand why so few of the people who make comments haven’t included God in their discussion? If you follow the principles for living as a Christian, you may or may not get rich (not the only goal in life) but you will be a happier, more contented person, and more likely to find the partner you can live with and enjoy. You won’t escape the possibility of your partner falling sick or still doing dumb things, but God will have you back.
“IF” there is a God, and “IF” He is the one who made us, doesn’t it makes sense to seek out the principles that “He” has laid out for healthy, sustainable marriages. My marriage isn’t perfect, and neither my wife nor I are perfect people, but we remain content.
Even if you are not ready to believe in God, seek out some older couples who have been around the block a few times (eg. have marital experience) and get their advice. You don’t have to do this alone…

I hate to burst your bubble but the worst men I’ve dated were ALL Christians. I’m a woman working on my own business and getting ready to relocate. It’s easier for me to move because all of the unmotivated, whiny, immature men in the area I’m leaving only care about sex and getting a woman to be their slave.

Just last week I saw a local newspaper with an ad in it from a church that has classes just for women to learn how to be an “obedient wife to her husband”, and “how to put her family first before her needs” which is insulting and part of the abusive indoctrination that is religion. Any woman with any drive, work ethic, and independent spirit can’t put up with such nonsense. It’s wrong and when you have married couples who have to have a dual income, forcing one to throw away her education and all of the work she put into it just to keep a house clean is cruel and disgusting.

The town I’m leaving has 67 – 69% of the people living there on some form of government assistance, have bastards from different Christian boyfriends, demand others pay their way, claiming they’re “good Christians” all while bashing me. Somehow I’m a bad person because I’m not in their same predicament and every single person my age and younger sees no point in paying a 10% tax and wasting their life having a hypocrite who has never lived outside of the church and in the real world give them “life advice”. The women get the worst of it. They are indoctrinated and made to believe they’re only as good as what they can do on their backs and
knees for a man. This explains a lot of what Sam is talking about when it comes to women dating losers. Ive given up on thsese women because they are so brainwashed. I have to take care of myself and my family and the churches should be ashamed of their disgusting doctrines.

The abuse was prevalent in schools as well. My own siblings and myself were told in our lousy public school that girls only have babies and cook. That’s it and how many girls had bastards and were kicked out as the result of such brainwashing? Nearly 25% of my female classmates had their lives destroyed by religion. You’re just a domestic slave and a brood mare. Your life is nothing but changing diapers and cleaning up after an adult male who makes all of your decisions for you, because as they explain it, women are just too dumb. One sibling was betrated and thrown out of a pre-engineering course, another was pushed out of science, and I was denied Advanced Placement courses despite exceeding all requirements. I was also denied access to an autoshop class too – because it’s only “man’s work”. I actually had a teacher call me a dike because “only dike sluts do that work”.

Religion is a cancer and it only helps those who want to be in charge. The younger generations are too busy subsidizing those who made those terrible decisions to keep having bastards when they couldn’t care for themselves because children are now a form of income. If you have a kid then you get a house or mobile home with cheap rent, you get food stamps, free health care only if you’re pregnant, and more. Everyone like me is taxed to pay for their needs so that they can just focus on what they want to waste money on. Don’t want to buy your kids toys for the holiday? Apply for a program where suckers will buy your kid an XBox for you, because if they don’t buy toys for your kids they’re the monsters. Meanwhile they have a Cadillac parked in that trailer park while I drive a car that’s welve years old and fully paid for.

I know I’ll get attacked for stating the truth, but I’m used to such hatred and nothing really suprises me from that group of hypocritical pew jumpers anymore. Trying to base such important decisions in life on a bunch of nonsense from desert savages makes about as much sense as calling a psychic hotline. Younger people don’t have time for it and if you don’t make enough and aren’t rich, churches, temples, synagogues and more can discriminate against you, proving they really just want your money period.

it might take long to be in a broken relationship but it’s never going to to be forever.i have been living with heartbreak for couple of years now, which wasn’t funny.it caused a lot of loss to me and my mind not been settled. i and my husband got into argument and we had a fight, he was cheating i tried to stop him but all to no avail. after a while, we had to go our different ways but i was hurt because i love him with all my heart and i can’t afford to loose to another lady, fortunately i came across this testimony of a woman online who also battled with a similar issue until she was helped by Dr.Mack. i also had to contacted Dr.Mack for help regarding my Marriage issue. he did what he have to do for me and in less than 4 days my husband was back. he automatically changed to a good man, was faithful and showed me love in a way i never expected, i oblige anyone with similar problem to contact Dr.Mack via email;dr_mack@yahoo. com****

Have you ever gotten the feeling that lots of women are really just trying to spite people who seem to have “figured” it out? They see a guy who is clean and together, and sometimes I could sense the resentment and they only way I could stick it to them is to withhold my powerful sexuality and punish him for their uppity-ness of not being as confused, unsure and superficial as they are?

I think the definition of “deadbeat loser” has been skewed a bit. If you’ve held down a steady job, for more than 20 years, have no dept, some savings, but not a bunch own a vehicle, and pay rent somewhere, even though it may be at your parents place, because a home is unaffordable to buy, with what you earn. Does this make you a loser? What if you never went to college or university, pull in less than 450000 a year, don’t play video games, not a drug addict, or alcoholic , don’t have any plans or goals for the future, even though you can pay your own way, without wallowing in dept? Does that make you a loser?

Deadbeat losers…I have one in my life and I don’t want to be around him. I am professional lady that actually at this point doesn’t mind being alone. I have kids and I am divorced. My whatever you would call him is in rehab, no job, no car, no home, etc. I prefer not to be associated with him. I know I can do a lot better. I see my adult kids (both in college) have bf’ and they are very sweet. Will it last? who knows but im kind of jealous? Men and women are alike although at different times in their lives. Some day I will meet the man of my dreams

Hi everyone, I dont know how did I came across this post, but felt need to input some info here. I do agree with some of the guys in the post. Depending on location/Religion, One thing has in common is Virginity. Since some of you claimed young women go after bad guys or losers. But there is one thing that dead beat losers win in this area, is using the girl’s virginity. Most nice guys I know wont go after seconds or even thirds. This is the reason why nice guys turned most of these type of women away. A question to ask- Who in the right mind would want a wife who been around the block a few times? That question never gets old and has been asked so many times. The answer would be Self-respect. It better to learn early not later. By going after dead-beat losers meaning giving up a chance to find a really nice guy later on. I have seen many relationship fail because of the woman’s view got skewed by previous guy then carry on to the next guy. There’s no such thing as starting over fresh with new relationship. There’s always at least one thing lingers from previous relationship to the next. With that, is what causes Nice or successful guys to turn these women away. I dont think Family have anything to do on rather a guy would be a loser or Successful. Modern Dating is by far the most vicious I ever seen. By the way, I am very happy to be with my wife who never been with other guys. Just my 2 cents here.

Good luck finding an attractive woman that is a virgin in the US. I don’t care what she tells you. And you may even want to add a 0 after the first digit that’s in your head for the average attractive woman’s notch count unless you marry them when they are really, really young (like 20). Church girls are actually some of the worse here, and they generally do a better job of hiding it.

“By the way, I am very happy to be with my wife who never been with other guys.”

I hope you are right. Young buddy of mine at work just got divorced last week found out his wife had lied about her virginity and a few years into the marriage (possibly earlier) was cheating on him with other men from the church and elsewhere and that’s just what she admitted at the end.

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