How do I help my son maintain a positive attitude in soccer when his team loses all the time?

Kathi asked, "My son wants to quit soccer because he is on another losing team for the third year in a row. I am not forcing him to play soccer. He is the one who asks me to sign him up. However, he is discouraged because we have played two soccer games so far and both times our team got creamed. How can anyone maintain a positive attitude about a sport when they lose all the time?"

Answers (8)

I know from experience how disheartening it can be to always be on the losing team, as I've played on middle school soccer teams, high school soccer and volleyball teams, and college volleyball team that always, always lost. Why did I keep it up? To this day, I'm not really sure. But, even though we rarely won, I went from the lowest on the totem pole my freshman year to team captain my senior year, not so much for my abilities but for my ability to always stay positive. Kathi's son should be encouraged to consider everything that's great about team sports besides winning: getting to socialize with friends and practice teamwork, leadership, and personal skills. His team may not be the mighty ducks, but he can still feel like he's winning.<br />

One that always stuck out for someone who was not atheletic at all but played soccer for nine years, is that I always looked at soccer as having fun not a competition. I hated, and still do, competitions. It is always discouraging for me to hear and see parents get angry when their child's team looses. I know you aren't like that Kathi. I remember in my Educational Psychology class my professor noted that one research found the number one question, or the first question, asked to children after a game was, &quot;Did you win?&quot; Why do we ask that instead of, &quot;Did you have fun?&quot; We need to look at the way we deal with sports in our society. Keep encouraging your son to find the the good things about soccer and his awesome contributions to the game/team. I know it seems frustrating, but have him become the champion of having fun and bein the team's cheerleader!<br />

My son had the same problems with baseball. &nbsp;He is an above average player but the teams he would get on would be awful. &nbsp;We kept his interest with private lessons and found a competitive league to join. &nbsp;I would check your local sporting goods store for information on more competitive teams other than the local league.<br />
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Good luck!<br />

Players that I've coached over the years believe they need to win every game to enjoy soccer. Some believe they need to score goals every time they touch the ball otherwise they're awful. Truth is, young players can be very hard on themselves and become so frustrated that they grow to hate soccer or worse, they turn on eachother. If our team is getting slaughtered I begin to hand out individual goals to every player. I've got a few players on defense who can't kick the ball very hard, so their goal for the game is to clear the ball over the half line 3 times. I've got forwards who can't pass the ball cleanly so their goal for the game is to pass the ball to a teammate 4 times throughout the game. I go down the line and give them all goals so that they all stay interested and compete until the end of the game. I also remind my team to never be afraid to screw up for fear of looking foolish. This is soccer, and in order to get better we have to try new things, and even though it may be hard at first, with practice it gets easier...I don't allow my kids to tell me "I can't" if they do I tell them "not yet". Challenge your child in a way that makes him compete against himself to get better. My daughters challenge for 1 game..."have fun"...Before you know it, your kid is doing things most kids are too scared to even attempt. Good luck! and best wishes.

If I was in your place, I would tell my son,
You play soccer because you love to play and not because you want to win. Whether you win or lose you still will be called a soccer player.
Winners don't learn much. But losers learn. The more you lose, the more you learn, the more you learn, the more stronger you become. And one day will come, you will Win. And from that day on, you will always win.

You can tell him winning is not important but what is important is having fun and learning. Also tell him that everytime he loses he has a chance to learn more and play with a different strategy. May be they need to work out better as a team. Find out the faults in their team and work on them.