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Thursday, November 21, 2013

I dreaded watching THE BOYS & GIRLS GUIDE TO GETTING DOWN (2006) because I thought it was going to be some drearily hip or tiresomely raunchy modern-day teen sex comedy. But it didn't take long to discover that it is, instead, a smart, inventive, and thoroughly rewarding mock-serious examination of the mores and rituals of the urban party scene and its denizens.

Presented in a tongue-in-cheek instructional tone similar to an educational film (or certain parts of HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY) and augmented by the appropriate graphs and diagrams, it's meant to be the result of exhaustive research on the subject by a group of earnest, clueless scientists.

At times we see them comparing the behavior of drunk and stoned lab mice interacting in a miniature bar, or putting an inebriated mouse behind the wheel of a tiny sportscar and watching it weave recklessly down the sidewalk. Another researcher is shown trying to procure drugs for their experiment and getting totally burned by some street corner dealers while having no earthly idea what he's doing.

The main portion of the story, though, concerns the activities of a large cast of characters during an evening of clubbing, bar-hopping, and house partying, with step-by-step advice on the right and wrong ways to score sex and/or drugs and the proper social behavior for any given situation.

The movie doesn't bother with character development and stuff--we already know the types. Heck, we already ARE some of the types (if you're old enough, you may have been several of them over the years), so there's no need to get bogged down in such details.

Every type is represented--hip-hoppers, punks, dopers, boozers, horndogs, teasers, smoothies, losers, even "fauxmosexuals" (straight guys who pretend they're gay just to get laid)--in a variety of settings such as bars, shi-shi clubs, and, best of all, the mansion of none other than an unsuspecting Dennis Haskins ("Saved By The Bell"s Mr. Belding), who's out of town.

Guys walking into a party setting scope out and evaluate all the girls Terminator-style, while girls weigh the attractivenss of the guys depending on standards such as height, wealth, and what kind of drugs he's willing to share.

Our diligent scientists have used their research to compile this helpful guide replete with "formulas and paradigms that can be followed to achieve the maximum fun with the least stress." Their findings are divided into several sections such as carnal knowledge, booze, drugs, getting past bouncers into exclusive clubs, house parties, the basic differences between boys and girls, and pussy power. The latter is demonstrated by a knockout blonde who wields the equivalent of Jedi mind tricks to effortlessly get what she wants from drooling guys.

The cool thing about all this is that the advice offered is actually good, sensible, usable stuff. This may be a comedy, but unlike the more farcical GUIDE FOR THE MARRIED MAN and its ilk, BOYS & GIRLS GUIDE is one of the most beneficial and instructive comedies I've ever seen. Watching it could definitely help you avoid a few pitfalls here and there while making your way through the minefield of the singles scene.

The script by writer-director Paul Sapiano plots its course to a tee and carries it out consistently to the end--unspooling a non-stop series of great gags and funny scenarios, this movie hits a steady stride right off the bat and never runs out of steam. (It helps that it looks great and has a really cool soundtrack, too.)

There are no big slapstick moments or over-the-top fantasy antics designed to evoke huge, bug-eyed bellylaughs (as in frat-boy "epics" such as PORKY'S or SPRING BREAK)--everything is exaggerated yet realistic.

Packed with timeless, universal stuff that party animals of all ages and backgrounds will be able to identify with, THE BOYS & GIRLS GUIDE TO GETTING DOWN is for anyone who parties or still remembers when they did. Me, I identified very strongly with one or two of the guys in this movie, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell you which ones.