WWJDD: “I Don’t Like Getting My Pussy Licked”

After multiplewomen accused James Deen of rape and sexual assault in November 2015, The Frisky made the immediate decision to end our affiliation with the porn star and to cancel his sex advice column with the site. In addition to believing it would be inappropriate to continue publishing sex advice from someone facing such serious allegations, The Frisky is firm in its commitment to believing and standing in solidarity with victims/survivors when they come forward. After serious consideration and input, we decided to leave the previously published columns up on The Frisky with this disclaimer, as we believe the glaring dividebetween Deen’s consent-focused advice and the rape allegations against him should be part of the public record. For a more thorough explanation on our decision to end this column, click here.

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So I was a virgin when I met my now husband at age 25 (and yes, that basically makes me a unicorn, I know). Even without experience, I know he’s really great in bed with P in V sex — I get off multiple times — plus he’s always up for helping me get myself off by talking dirty if I need more after he’s done. That said, I have never once come during oral sex. I absolutely love giving it, but getting it is awkward and uncomfortable, and I’m usually too weirded out that he’s “there” to enjoy myself. In your experience, are there women who don’t like oral sex? Or is my husband just bad at it? If he is, are there tips I could give him to help him get better?

There are tons of women who don’t like oral sex. If it’s something you don’t like, there are no tips for me to give you or your husband. You’re still having a great sex life, you’re having orgasms, so is this really the breaking point in your relationship? Is it that you don’t like to get your pussy licked, but he, like, has to lick your pussy or he goes INSANE? Is it really the end of the world?

I get the sense that there’s a barrier here for you when it comes to oral sex — the fact that you use the phrase “down there” is a sign that your probably have a unique relationship with your body, in particular your vagina. But you seem happy and it sounds like you’re having a good time, so what’s really the problem? Is the problem that you’re able to have orgasms, just not when your husband is going down on you, something you don’t actually even really enjoy? It sounds like oral sex isn’t your jam. There’s nothing wrong with that. For some people, anal sex isn’t their jam. Getting finger-fucked isn’t their jam. It’s okay!

You know what? Mayonnaise isn’t my jam. I fucking hate mayonnaise. It doesn’t matter how much mayonnaise you give me; if you put ketchup and relish in it and call it Thousand Island dressing, or put it in a hamburger and call it “secret sauce,” or if you put basil and shit in it and call it aioli — I hate it! It’s fucking gross! I don’t like it, and I’m not going to like it. “Oh no, but this sandwich has aioli in it” — fuck that, it’s mayonnaise. I know what it is, and it’s fucking gross! But the thing is, that’s fine! I’ll eat mustard and ketchup. There are so many other dipping sauces I like. I don’t NEED mayonnaise.

This is the same thing. It would be different if you were like, “I’m miserable sexually, everything is terrible and I can’t get off. My husband rails away at me and comes on the floor and laughs at me and spits in my face and walks out the door.” But it sounds like you guys have a really awesome relationship sexually, and are really happy and everything is great, so what the hell is the problem?

I did a scene recently where I started to go down on a woman and I guess her clit was just super sensitive, so she was like, “Agghhhh!” I looked up at her and she was like, “No, no, I just want to suck your cock, I love sucking cock.” She didn’t say the words, “I don’t like getting my pussy eaten,” but it was very clear that she was not into receiving oral sex – but she very much liked to give oral sex, so we just did that. Sex is cool, you can just do whatever you want — there’s no wrong way to do it.

My point is,this doesn’t sound like a problem. You don’t like mayonnaise. You don’t need to like mayonnaise. Get over it. Seriously, you’re okay!

Already known as a porn star, actor, director, producer, sex symbol, and star of our masturbatory fantasies, James Deen can now add Frisky advice columnist to his resume. Each week in his column, What Would James Deen Do?, he’ll be offering his straight up, rock solid, no bullshit advice to YOUR questions. Want to know what James would do? Email your questions to [email protected]!