Mike Tyson squares off against a koala

'I GUESS I'm gonna fade into Bolivian,'' squawked Mike Tyson a decade ago, after he'd been smashed sideways by Lennox Lewis. He always said things like that. And people always laughed. Indeed, looking at his life - arrested three dozen times by the time he'd hit puberty and progressively catastrophic from there - one never knew whether to laugh or cry.

When he was fighting, Tyson was essentially unknowable. Crawling on the canvas and grasping for his mouthpiece was about as exposed as he ever stood. When he finally did retire - fat, broke, disinterested and barely able to raise a glove in defence - we finally got some sort of insight into his tortured mind.

Before us stood a searingly honest and unusually introspective man, prone to stream-of-consciousness rants that were for the most part nonsensical but that would occasionally stop you in your tracks.

"Nothing is ever so simple for Mike Tyson." ... the former boxer in Brisbane on Thursday. Photo: Harrison Saragossi

Tyson, we discovered, liked talking. And in that falsetto lisp of his, he basically hasn't shut up since. Even Australian journalists found it easier to snare a phone interview with him than the 300th best AFL footballer in this town.

Advertisement

There were plenty willing to listen too. Whether it was the 10 minute ovation at the Cannes film festival, pouring his heart out on The View or dancing the paso doble on the Argentinian version of Dancing with the Stars, Tyson lived one of the more curious second acts in American life.

In many ways, the joke was on him.

Tyson, not as stupid as many would have you believe, knew it too.

For sanity's sake, he knew he had to withdraw from the limelight, tend to his pigeons and wrestle with his demons. But as prisoner of his own device and living from gig to gig, this travelling wreck of a train couldn't stop.

The train rolled into Melbourne this week and there was only one man equipped to meet it at the station. The middleman's middleman Max Markson has brought us everyone from Nelson Mandela to Corey Worthington. In matters moral, he says he draws the line at David Hicks.

Tyson, as far as Max is concerned, is the golden goose.

As the fighter himself once said, ''I could sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.'' In Australia this week, he's basically going to have to do everything but.

Unsurprisingly, tickets for Tyson's ''Day of the Champions'' tour sold like hot cakes. Some neat packaging and a bit of the Markson magic worked a treat. On the capital-letter-happy promotional website, the hitherto unhinged Tyson is, we are told, ''A Man Who is Dedicated, Hard Working, Courageous, Intelligent, Insightful and Funny.''

On the tour's undercard, so to speak, is a woman named Loral Langemeier, who is about to release her latest book, Yes! Energy: The Equation to do Less, Make More. It's a confounding and busy title but it no doubt resonated with the star of the show. Like most former sportspeople who hit the speaker's circuit, he probably thought he'd rock up, spew out a few anecdotes, crack a few gags, press some flesh and hightail it to the airport.

But nothing is ever so simple for Mike Tyson. Whether it's forking out four dollars for a menacing answering machine message, or $3000 to quiz him about hookers and STDs, there's ne'er an aspect of his life that isn't for sale.

Tickets for his bread and butter show at Festival Hall - Melbourne's ''House of Stoush'' - range between $69 and $189. Expect profuse sweating, musings on Nietzsche and the lamentations of a man who used to weep himself awake. All up, your standard Tyson fare.

However, for the heavy hitters - those willing to fork out for the $3000 intimate dinners in a Festival Hall dressing room - he's going to have to up the ante. As Markson mooed recently, ''He's quite open about talking about all the controversial parts of his life, including his incarceration, venereal disease, splashing $100,000 on prostitutes.''

It throws up all sorts of ludicrous scenarios. Picture 20 members of the Australian general public, sitting in a crummy old sweatbox, sipping pinot noir, downing canapes and drawing straws on who'll ask first.

''So, Mike, about the gonorrhoea … ?''

It's hardly dignifying - but for the most part nor is the professional boxer's lot. So many of the great heavyweight champions have ended up dodging bailiffs, mopping floors, greeting in casinos and chasing brain cells.

Tyson, compelling and cautionary as his tale can be, exhausted all sympathy years ago. Rape convictions tend to do that.

But increasingly, the finger deserves to be pointed at the milkers, the enablers and the rubbernecks. For those who continue to drag out his carcass, who continue to give him a platform and who continue to lap it up, it's impossible to feel anything but contempt.

200 comments

Mike Tyson is a brute - and that's his appeal. Face to face things might be different, but all men - all real men, admire the ferocity he brought to the ring. Easy to poke fun at the guy, but that's like kicking a man when he's down. Mike, like anyone else, has to make a living, and if this is how he's got to do it, well, who are we to knock him. He's got a limited number of tools to work with as far as making a living, so, go Mike. Anyone want to tell him to his face that he's a goose? Probably not, unless you're writing a commentary behind a pseudonym. And as far as him being a rapist goes - well, whatever. Fighter, for the most part, are ferocious brutes who are excellent at taking what they want - that's what the world pays to see them do, so I think it would be quite disingenuous to think that he would be any different out of the ring than he is in it. Hey! If you haven't got the intestinal fortitude to say it to his face, don't wimp out spewing invectives about him behind his back. Mike Tyson is our vicarious experience of what it is to be a man and and to put fear away to do battle.

To Liam and David: Guys, I think you might be in the minority there as far as men go. Think about the footy, the military, corporate ceo's - that's where the battle's done and that's where the men go. In fact, if you look closely, you'll see a lot of women admiring the guys in those fields of endeavor. I don't know what you guys are doing in your spare time, but the boys are out at play.

Commenter

Wm. Bergmann

Location

Gold Coast

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 11:49AM

As a man there is nothing I admire about Tyson.As far as him being a rapist goes - well - he is and was convicted in a court of law!Would you be so blase about it if it was your sister he raped?Real men don't bite ears during a fight.Real men don't rape women.The losers that do these sorts of things no matter what their upbringing are simply low life criminal scum.The losers that look at these actions and then excuse them are even worse!

Commenter

WTF?

Location

Melbourne

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 11:53AM

Glad to not be a real man, then.

Commenter

Sparkplug

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 12:08PM

"As far as him being a rapist goes - well, whatever"Say that to a rape victims face Wm. Bergmann. You bloody coward.

Commenter

disgusting

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 12:12PM

Wow, Wm Bergmann that is a very disturbing rant. I hope you will reread what you have written and reflect a little on why people find it so.

I just wanted to commend Jonathon on his writing. I found it so refreshing to read such a richly well written piece in the news. I just wish the comments were as articulate.

Commenter

Elle

Location

Sydney

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 12:19PM

No doubt Mike lost it big time but his story is an interesting one for many & could've been very special if Gus stayed alive. Don't get me started on how he ended up in goal as he admits to everything he's accused of but denies the rape charge..make up you're own mind but don't trust the American system blindly on this one. As to why Mike gets so much attention, I guess articles like this one go a long way to ensuring that happens. Obviously the writer is happy to use Tyson to get a piece of the action whilst he's in town because if you really cared about not promoting Tyson then why the heck would you write an article on him for any publication. Hypocrite.

Commenter

Markpod

Location

Sydney

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 12:21PM

Wm. Bergmann I think you're confused. My dad was a 'boxer' in his youth not a 'fighter'. Boxing is a sport, not a lifestyle. While not the sport of my choice, I can appreciate boxing for it's extreme fitness, toughness and yes skill. Tyson while a good boxer resorted to dirty tactics in the ring (biting etc) and used his strength outside the ring (rape). This is not ok. Please don't excuse the man because of his sport. People like my dad were boxers, not fighters. There is a distinction and Tyson doesn't make it.

Commenter

don't confuse it

Date and time

November 16, 2012, 12:21PM

Steroid abusing people, and associated sports, do not rate highly on my list.

Subscribe to IT Pro

Editor's Choice

Prime Minister Tony Abbott has bolstered Malcolm Turnbull's ministerial duties, handing him greater responsibility for e-government in a push to expand the use of a single digital identity for Australians.

Data

The new roof that spans Margaret Court arena does more than keep out the weather. Built into the gantries that surround the sliding ceiling are Wi-Fi antennas that beam web access to every ticket holder.