Seers of PharasmaAlignment: N (leans toward NE)
Headquarters: Omenhall, River Kingdoms
Leader: Lord Jvarin Oakhand
Structure: Multi-factional religious order.
Scope: Regional
Resources: Town of Omenhall, thousands of recorded prophecies, and tens of thousands of gold pieces in liquid assets.
When Aroden died, many seers of Pharasma were driven mad by the event. Prophecy, once viewed as absolute, was broken seemingly irreparably, and yet some few still believe in it. The Seers of Pharasma are zealots who believe that prophecy wasn't destroyed, but fragmented into many paths, any of which may come true. So the Seers gathered the prophecies of maddened seers and began to study them. They believe that if they force one of them into coming true, it would restore prophecy to its former glory. They believe this to be a goal worth any price.
Structure and Leadership
Wildly disorganized to outsiders, the truth is that the Seers of Pharasma have very little order to their organization. Different factions of the Seers believe in different prophecies, which often brings them into conflict with one another as each vies to make its own prophecy supreme over the other, often contradictory, prophecies. Overseeing the others is Jvarin Oakhand, a wizard-priest turned lich who, began gathering prophecies of mad seers shortly after Aroden's death, and believes that he will see Aroden return at last.
Goals
The goal of the Seers of Pharasma is simplicity itself. They want to make one prophecy the 'true' prophecy of the world, and restore the absolute reign of prophecy to the world. They view this as a cause worth any price. The only issue is that different factions favor different prophecies, and they frequently come into conflict with each other. More than once have a group of Seers opposed a group of adventurers seeking to defeat a weak villain, only to aid the adventurers later after the miscreant has gained enough power to fit their own prophecy.
Public Perception
Most outsiders, including most followers of Pharasma, see the Seers of Pharasma as dangerous zealots. All too often the insane prophecies that the Seers cling to would cause untold destruction across the Inner Sea, and as such they are often distrusted or outright persecuted if identified.

Welcome to RPG Superstar, Benjamin! It's been a long time since this competition had to pull up an alternate, but this drives home the importance of that status in the overall competition. You never know when your big break will come. So, it's all about being ready when you're the next man up. I'm assuming you know the contest takes an entirely new spin at this level. As judges we're here to comment on your work, both in the hopes of guiding you in honing your game design skills, and also to help the voting public assess how you measure up. With that in mind, I'm going to talk a bit about what you did well here and where I think you've still got room to grow. So, let's see what we've got...

First off, I'm a big fan of Pharasma. I actually play a priestess of Pharasma in a Play-by-Post game here on Paizo's messageboards and it's a lot of fun developing her personality and imagining all the elements of that priesthood. So, when I saw your organization's name, I thought "oh, cool!" and looked forward to reading about a potentially antagonistic sect within the Pharasmin clergy. Once I got into your write-up, however, I realized you'd done something different here. I'm not sure I view these Seers of Pharasma as having any true place within her church. After all, if they're led by a lich, that's pretty much sacrilege right from the get-go.

I think you'd have been better off not associating the name of Pharasma with the organization. I think it's fine if you wanted to base their origins in her faith, but once the prophecies dried up, it would make more sense if these priests turned away from the goddess entirely and explored arcane divination as a means to read the future, thereby putting them in opposition to their former colleagues as heretics, especially as they started examining necromancy and lichdom. If you'd gone that route, I'd have prefered to see you call them something entirely different. "Seers," certainly. But not "of Pharasama"...at least, not any longer.

I think one piece of advice I'd impart to you is to "think outside the box" a little more. Sometimes, as designers, we all get inspired by some element of the campaign setting, imagine a really cool idea, and then feel like the only way to make it work is to tie it really closely to whatever piece of canon inspired us in the first place. But, I often find that some of your greatest ideas is when you take just the merest slice of something from the campaign setting to serve as a launching pad for an entirely new idea that can stand well enough on its own, but you use that one element to weave it into something that pre-exists. Not directly. Just a small hint of a connection or a reason for why something else in the campaign world spawned this other concept you have in mind. That approach has the simultaneous effect of propping up your idea to swiftly integrate it into the campaign world, while also freeing you up to thoroughly explore your idea as something separate, too.

That's what I think your design here could have benefited from. It needs a stronger separation from the Pharasmin faith. And then it needs more focus on elements to help it stand out as something specifically different than anything else that's out there. You have the seed of a really good idea here. And that's important, because not everyone has that gift. But I think you need further work on implementing these ideas in ways that really help them shine and stand on their own. I think you needed to go further with what you were crafting here. And, if you had, I think you could have hit a home run wit this concept. But there's lots of smaller things holding it back.

For instance, I'd have liked to see this organization based somewhere other than the River Kingdoms. It seems like a lot of you reached for the RK and I'm not sure why. It's a very frontier region, pretty far removed from the major power centers of the Inner Sea. Pharasma is also a major goddess. And the power of prophecy was originally spread all across Avistan from Cheliax to Taldor and down into Osirion. When Aroden died, Cheliax and Taldor were the hardest hit by it. Cheliax alone had the largest disappointment, as that's where his church was located. So, I'd have liked to see you make this organization of Seers be a little more prominent in those regions. It would have dove-tailed more nicely with other aspects of the campaign world and set them up for a greater degree of conflict.

And that's the other aspect that needed some shoring up in your design here. Conflict. Manufacturing their own prophecies seems like an odd way of orchestrating its return to the world. Or even Aroden's return. In many ways, I kept wondering to myself if this power-group wouldn't make more sense if it sprang from a splinter sect of Aroden's faith as opposed to Pharasma. I mean, your leader seems bent on Aroden's return just as equally as anything else. And that seems a bit odd for a former follower of Pharasma to pursue. So, in some ways, I think your design kind of lost focus. Or, at least, it's not as clearly defined as I think it could be.

As advice, I often find it useful to map out these types of assignments. If the template gives you a section to serve as an introduction of your organization, you should write one sentence (just for yourself, not necessarily the final write-up) detailing what they are, how they function, and why. Then, when you've got a section on structure and leadership, again, write down a single sentence that defines the head of the whole operation and how his minions fall in line behind him. Then, when you've got a section on goals (and I might actually skip ahead to this one, because it's going to define a lot more of that other stuff for you), write down a single, clear statement that serves as their primary reason for existing. You can add a secondary goal if you want. But, regardless, these goals all need to be something that can serve as a basis for conflict with the PCs. Otherwise, the GM isn't going to get much use out of it.

I think your design could have benefited from some initial outlining like that. I think it would have helped you crystallize your idea. Either, it's a splinter sect of ex-Pharasmins who turned to arcane divination and now use it as a form of trickery or power to affect the real world in a threatening way. Or, maybe they're refugees from Aroden's faith, desperately trying to force certain prophecies to come true (presumably outlined in Aroden's chronicles before his death) to try and force his return to Golarion (or at least discover his fate). Either way, you could have built an awesome idea around those two paths.

So, you had some good elements to your design. I'm just not quite sure you executed the assignment well enough to justify moving you forward. As a result, I DO NOT RECOMMEND this organization to advance you to the next round.

But it was a good try. There's a lot I like here. You took your swing and maybe the voters will see it differently? Your chalice of eternal fire found favor with at least two of the judges. I wasn't one of them. But you've shown promise in both assignments so far. And it might be interesting to see how much further you can grow if you make it to the next round. I wish you the best of luck in the exit polls.

What you are getting from me in this critique: This round is all about conflict and story. I think the best organizations create interesting and compelling groups that will come into conflict with the PCs. My comments, and my recommendation, will focus on how well you do that. My comments will also focus on writing and use of your allotted content in achieving your goals. What you won't get from me: I don't have the total Golarion-fu that Neil and Sean do, so I will leave to them whether you got the nitty gritty details of some of the setting stuff to them (though apparently I did have enough Golarion-fu to know its Pharasmin not Pharasmian, you know who you are).

Concept (name, title, is it an organization?, overall design choices, is the organization and antagonist and does it create direct conflict for the PCs?, playability): C
I really don’t see how this is an antagonist organization. I mean, I guess it could be—seems you didn't see it much either, since all you came up with was "More than once have a group of Seers opposed a group of adventurers seeking to defeat a weak villain, only to aid the adventurers later after the miscreant has gained enough power to fit their own prophecy." Problem is, your idea had some promise. This is really not an organization, it’s an NPC submission, because your NPC is cool: "Jvarin Oakhand, a wizard-priest turned lich who began gathering prophecies of mad seers." I wish you had gone down the "mad seer" and twisted, blasphemous prophecies angle. But I can't judge you on how I think your idea should have been done, I have to judge you on what you did with it. I think you came up short.

Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, quality of mandatory content, did you milk your idea for all it was worth? did you use your allotted space well?): C
The fact there are so few details of the organization highlights my take that this is really more an NPC entry than an organization. I don’t know if it was time or other factors, but I think you found the leader of the organization but from a creative standpoint you never found the organization. I understand how that goes.

Tilt (did it grab me?, is it unique and cool?, do I like it?, flavor, are you showing Superstar mojo?): C
Nope.

Overall: C
Again, this is more NPC than organization. Too bad, too, because the NPC is cool.

Recommendation: I DO NOT recommend this organization submission for advancement.

The chalice was fun, and despite my Beavis and Butthead reference I really saw some promise in your item entry. I’m not sure what happened here. It may be that you just aren’t quite ready yet for the freelance grind. Or maybe your muse had her cell phone on silent and didn’t get your call for inspiration. She does it to me, too, on occasion. If I talk to her, I’ll tell her she owes you one. Keep your chin up, maybe the voters will see it differently than me. Good luck to you and I wish you the best!

One, Pharasma wouldn't tolerate one of her followers becoming a lich. Unless he wasn't/isn't a priest of Pharasma, but that's not clear, and if he's a priest of some other god it's unclear how he got his hands on these mad prophets of Pharasma (those who survive are generally cloistered within her temples) or physical copies of her prophecies.

Also, there's already a group of "people desperately trying to make their prophecies come true so they can bring back Aroden"--they're the Harbingers of Absalom (Guide to Absalom page 62).

I don't think the plot hook of "they may opposing the PCs, then flip-flop and support the PCs" is very strong for a group that's supposed to be antagonists for the PCs.

This is a nice try, but I don't think it's as good as some of the other entries this round.

What you've presented is effectively a church, since its all based on belief, and at the center is a god. You've even created a sort of middle-man saint-type position in your NPC leader, who as a lich could let this process unfold for many human generations.

I like the overall concept. There have been faiths on Earth that have put themselves into this situation - where many different leaders each advocate "one true way" in fratricidal crusades.

There's a hundred different doctrines, they overlap and conflict, and support for each waxes and wanes based on the congregation's current state of mind as to which is likely to be the prophecy that can be engineered into reality. So as the GM, I'm basically free to come up with anything I want and then inject it into this organization. I literally can't screw up it's internal consistency. The game designer and brand manager in me like that capability.

This organization would work well in a novel. (Or an MMO, for that matter), where it could persist much longer than it would in a traditional tabletop campaign. That's a good thing, since you were asked to expand the IP, not simply expand the tabletop gaming options.

The one downside of course is that it can never succeed. If it engineers a prophecy into reality and Aroden doesn't come back, they fail. Or they can simply exist for thousands of years as futile prophecy engineers who never get it right - one wonders how long any congregation could hold its faith together in the face of unrelenting failure to perform?

I recommend that you vote for this designer.

EDIT FROM SEAN: Competitors, remember this item from the Round 2 FAQ, which reminds competitors about the rule against commenting about their own submissions. We're pasting this reminder into the last judge comment for every organization just to make sure all competitors see it and remember.

There are many flaws in this organisation. The lich as mentioned, and indeed why Pharasma? The fact they aren't too antagonistic. The fact that they are basically described as CN, but listed as N. The lack of detail in their immediate goals and plans. (Step 1: ???, Step 2: Restore the prophecies!). So my head says I should vote for something else instead.

But still I like it. I really like the whole Age of Lost Omens angle that Golarion has, and I think the idea of living in a time where the prophecies have failed and the ship of destiny has no captain is one of the best parts about the backstory to Golarion. And I really like that you've taken that cool element and worked some more plot around it. Also I agree with Ryan, the idea of splinter groups or fanatical churches is a lot of fun (hence why Razmir is such a great setup).

So I'm voting for this one, despite the fact that some of the others it nudges in front of are more polished.

I could make this organization the focus of a campaign. Pharasma has contacted the PCs to destroy them. I don't like this one based on the lich leading followers of Pharasma. No way that could be easily pulled off for long.

Ben my friend, you had an amazing idea. But you didn't do your research!!! You can't talk about deities in Pathfinder correctly without doing your research and knowing your deities!!!

Pharasma: HATES UNDEAD INCLUDING LICH! Also, she always knew that prophecies can be changed, which is why she did not foretell her own followers about Aroden's death. In order for her to remain the judge of all those living and dead, she cannot show bias or favor. Also, how could you not know about the Harbingers of Absalom? You would have known all these things, if you had done your research.

You fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. It's called the PFSRD for a reason..

This is a great core idea, it’s just a real pity that an organisation with almost exactly the same goals (and an apparently wider reach) already exists in Golarion. To be honest I may well have missed the reference to the Harbingers in the Inner Sea Guide (and I’m not sure if they have shown up officially anywhere else) if the GM for one of my games had not used them as a villainous organisation in his campaign ... as it was I recognised the goals and methods of that organisation and yours as being, unfortunately, almost identical.

It’s also a pity that you made the leader of a group ostensibly dedicated to Pharasma a lich, without explaining how this could be (I’m guessing that no member of this group actually receives spells from Pharasma – perhaps the divine spellcasters are oracles who worship Pharasma but actually receive their spells from other divine sources, and that the orthodox church of Pharasma has inquisitors trying to put this group down).

I swear I've seen someone in golarion that was trying to make a single prophecy come true in one of the rulebooks.

Read SKR's comments.

Thank you! that was driving me nuts.

Sean K Reynolds wrote:

Also, there's already a group of "people desperately trying to make their prophecies come true so they can bring back Aroden"--they're the Harbingers of Absalom (Guide to Absalom page 62).

This organisation is not in the Pathfinder Wiki. So are we saying that all RPGSS have to have purchased every source book product? I think that would be unfair. If it was in the link above, or in the Inner Sea Guide then that would surely be a strike out, but as it is not, some benefit of the doubt must be granted.

I agree that this is certainly not the best organisation in the round. But it does have some interesting potential. The fact that a published organisation taps into similar themes kinda shows that...

The only thing I didn't like about this was the Lich. However this mistake is so obvious it feels like asking a student to complete a physics problem and then failing them because they switched a positive sign to a negative sign, or a math error.

They had 3 days to do this or something. I am not going to fault someone for missing the harbingers on pg 266. That book is meaty, and it SHOULD have been found. Yet what about the design? I think it was done well. I think it was well thought out.

For the Organizations I have found only one that is in my book an A entry. This one might have been if he got the research correct. Still should the entire core of the idea which is good be failed because of an oversite and a dumb mistake? The magnitude of the mistake is huge, but the solution, and chance of repeating a mistake like this is minimal. When I was in high school I pumped gas into a Diesel car. I will never make that mistake again.

Neil said that you have the seed to a really good idea here and I think that's true. But I think you went about it the wrong way.

Like Neil, I don't really see these people to be followers of Pharasma and I don't think they should be named for her. The other thing that bothers me is that the organization is so disorganized. When you get right down to it, that's an oxymoron, isn't it? As a DM, I am really only interested in an organization that knows what it's doing. A mishmash of different purposes usually does enough harm to itself that there's no real need for anyone to do anything about them.

The idea of a bunch of demented seers, driven mad by Aroden's death, determined to make a prophecy come true at all costs...that's a great concept. It's something that you could do a lot with if you just chose to focus on the prophecy that they decided on and let that be the basis for your organization.

Give us a prophecy that most people aren't going to want to see come true, and you have your adversarial relationship. Form a tight network of people working to ensure that prophecy's success and you have an organization. Without those two things, though, you've just got an interesting idea without a successful execution.

I only comment on submissions that I really want to be able to vote for but can't. The reason I'm taking the time to say so much is that I think you could have a great creation and I wanted you to know where I think the concept failed to succeed so that next time I might be able to give you my vote.

I would have liked to see more concrete material in this entry. You did a good job creating an organization that a GM can use for just about any kind of antagonism, as Ryan points out. However, you've got to balance all-purpose design with providing enough unique and specific hooks to make your idea more compelling that any number of other arbitrary excuses for villainy. Your entry really could have used some concrete locations, plans, tactics, etc. In their absence, I see a cool premise, but nothing fully-baked enough to bring to the table as-is.

(Well, I take that back; Jvarin is concrete and intriguing, despite the prima facie problems with his lichdom. He's the best part of your entry, to my thinking. I wanted more details in that vein.)

I wanted to add a "Hell yeah!" to Ryan's comments. This is a cool organization because it's so easy to bend in a hundred different directions - anywhere you'd like to stick this organization in, you can. Now, classic prophecy cults can already do that, but there I usually get the feeling their involvement is artificial, contrived. Removing the "this is absolutely going to happen, THE PROPHETS HAVE DECREED IT" element, and replacing that with this multitude of schisms is really neat.

I think the coolest thing about this entry is that wherever one Seer goes on some wacky mission, you can easily send along another Seer to oppose him, because each one of 'em wants to trip up the others. So this group can be constantly sending Seers to help and hinder the PCs, which encourages fun and unique situations. The fact that it's not a good guy/bad guy choice, but rather two wackos the PCs probably don't like either of, makes this all the more interesting.

It's a shame that there are such major missteps with the Golarion canon, particularly because I think this concept made such great effort to the contrary - this is a concept clearly rooted strongly in the world-without-prophecy element of the campaign setting. But I can't ding for parallel development if the concept is cool enough, and I think Benjamin is to be commended for coming up with a concept so firmly based on one of Golarion's most unique and defining elements - the death of prophecy. That's the kind of design and worldbuilding that I'd really like to see more of, even if this particular organization won't serve as a final product. As to the deity allegience... it's a detail, and an easily-correctable one. A misstep, but no more than that.

Benjamin, you've definitely got my vote. On the strength of this entry, I really hope we'll be seeing you next round. All the best!

This got one of my votes, although i did have a few reservations along the way.
The weaknesses and overlaps with per-established Golarion lore has been covered; ultimately, I'm not exactly the strongest Golarion specialist out there, but even I found myself saying 'hey, isn't there already a group out there that is like this?' So that was the biggest strike against you, in my book.
But, in the end, you execute this really well, and I have to give you credit for that. Doubly so because of the extra pressure/uncertainty that anyone would ever get to see your entry that you faced as an alternate. And ultimately the idea and organization are strong enough that I don't mind the Harbinger redundancy.
Best of luck.

Okay, before results come in (I suspect I know what they'll be), I figured I'd respond and write down my explanations for why I screwed up so badly on a few things, and why I did a few other things that I did.

First off, I screwed up. One alternate had gotten called on, and I never possibly thought that lightning would strike twice, and that I'd get called on. I figured that I was the last of the alternates, barely squeaking by...but obviously I was wrong. Because of it, I wasn't as careful about things as normal, and I was stupid to do so.

Where the situation with The Harbringers is concerned it ties into the prior subject. I was relying on my memory of the organizations I'd skimmed to make sure I didn't copy anything...and I hadn't read about the Harbringers in the better part of a year. If I'd done a bit more reading, like I would have if I'd been a bit more intelligent, I would have spotted them and kicked my own ass. Go figure, since I did do some searches for prophecy organizations...but I was looking for them in connection to Pharasma, not as an independent organization.

Now, on to the mess with Jvarin. I seriously considered never putting him into the structure and leadership section, and I think there would have been both advantages and disadvantages to that. I definitely shouldn't have mentioned Aroden, because that is his personal obsession, not the organizations. But all that aside, he's a lich, and I do know how Pharasma regards undead. That was partially to show just how far 'out there' his views are, and how thoroughly he takes the 'at any cost' part of the organization. If I were to give him stats, he'd have levels as a Separatist cleric. And since some people seemed interested in him...

Jvarin is completely insane, but sort of like a Malkavian from WoD, there's a consistency to his insanity. He was a seer himself when Aroden died, and part of his sanity snapped. He decided to turn himself into a lich because he was determined to see Aroden's return, no matter how unlikely, and he's equally determined to destroy himself once that occurs. Even his phylactery is a simple scroll, little stronger than a normal scroll, with his prophecy inscribed on it so he can tear it up when his time, as he views it, is up. Although technically the leader of the Seers, he doesn't actually do much leading, and is often ignored by the rest of the organization, except when they're looking for a specific prophecy in the library. He knows where all of them are. But he doesn't create more undead, he just...exists, and tries to bring about his own prophecy.

Additionally, I actually wanted to do multiple factions for the Seers like were in the entry for the Hellknights, but I simply didn't have the word count to do so. So instead I tried to hint at things, and somehow managed to miss putting the fact they were considered heretical into the post. That...irks me, but I have no one to blame but myself.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is that I stand by most of my actual design decisions, but I did need to do more research, I totally agree on that.

You should know the drill by now, but in case you missed it the first time round, Ask A RPGSupersuccubus is posting from the point of view of a CE aligned succubus:

Spoiler:

Fairness is an adjective applicable to hair coloration, balance is what a couple of mortals rapidly losing it on opposite ends of a plank pivoted on a rocky spire a couple of hundred feet above a slowly rising pool of molten basalt try to do, and logic is one of those things which you could swear is there when you rattle the piggybank but if anyone other than a demon opens it the contents turn out to be a couple of dead wasps and a six week old ‘to do (in)’ list.

;)

Important Note:
There’s a difference between late and fashionably late. The former is what most other beings manage. The latter is what sophisticated, (very advanced) succubi manage.

First impressions always being important, do members of this organization wear nifty robes or uniforms when out on formal business?
I would have hoped for something like a mention of dark mysterious robes with hoods, with an organization like this, but alas no such indicators are given.

Does membership of this organisation seem likely to involve regular tea or dinner parties or other appropriate social occasions?
This bunch seem more arguing over dogma and means-to-achieve-the-end types than civilised socialising types.

Is the cost of being a member of this organisation likely to be acceptable to a succubus?
Whilst subscribing to crazy, not-mainstream, ideas is something many succubi might be prepared to embrace, subscribing to crazy, not-mainstream, religious ideas is a different fish-kettle full of salmon altogether. In fact it's probably not even salmon, but something else pretending to be salmon.
Basically, as I observed in response to an item in this year's contest, being aware of the table-manners (or lack thereof) of most deities is a considerable disincentive for most succubi to avoid getting caught up in anything religious. And getting involved with anything blasphemous or heretical, is just asking for trouble which (unless it involves devils, where the sheer fun of making the rude gesture at Asmodeus is worth the risk) probably isn't worth it.

Other comments?
Urghh. Religious nutcases. About the only way they could get more annoying was if they were diabolic religious nutcases who worship Asmodeus...

Rating: Organizations are not being rated except under special circumstances.

Congratulations: Congratulations on making the top cut in Round 1. Obviously at this point it’s now apparent that you won’t be progressing any further this time around, but that means you can at least now relax, sit back, pick up a voodoo doll of your least favourite arch-devil, and start sticking silver pins in…