Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Are we too old?

You look in the mirror and realize, oh my god. . . . when did that happen? You see fine lines all around your eyes, deep lines in between your eyebrows..... and .........are those jowls?? You wake up looking like the crypt keeper and realize you can only cake on the makeup so thick.

You can no longer relate to those awful 'chick flicks' that you once loved so much. You realize your life has aged you. Your obligations have aged you. You let your obligations get in the way of your life. And then you realize, you don't have a life. You don't really have....... anything.

It's weird how things can change, but still stay the same. Or maybe it only appears to have changed, but nothing really has. Can we ever be certain about what we really want? Will it be the same in my 40's? My 50's? What then?

How does one plan an entire life when things change so dramatically with each passing decade? I feel nowhere near where I was when I was in my 20's, or even early 30's, but yet some things are still so much the same. That feeling of solitude. It stays with you. You can be surrounded by crowds and still be completely alone. You can be surrounded by friends and family... and still.. be completely alone.

And I just wonder, How long, can something like that last? Will we ever feel normal? I wonder if I'll ever feel normal. Or if it just goes on like this.

Forever.

What do you do when you know you're not where you want to be? Is it selfish? Or is it just taking care of yourself.