Helmet #3: "you all right?"Grandad: Yep. I'll just sit here and wait for my grandkids to come lookin' for me. They'll look here first. Maybe you can look for their Grandma, I'd sure appreciate that. I figger she'd be here if she was alright. Dang it.

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? Anyways, we go off lookin' for a bar and we can't find one. Finally, Brasky takes me into a vacant lot and says, "Here we are!" Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then he spawned a tornado from his loins, which took the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the tornado, "Always leave things the way you found them!"

I'm sorry, fellers - real sorry. It's just I had little nip o' 'shine, and then another and... you know how it goes. Then the ol' lady says didn't cook supper and ain't gonna cook supper and she done cussed at me a might. Well, I guess I kinda flew off the handle. Sorry.

"Just like I told them other whippersnappers; No tornado, or anyone, is gonner get me off mahh land. Now leave me alone, Wheel of Fortune is coming on soon, and Betty don't take kindly to strangers tracking mud on her floors."

Tornado? That wasn't a tornado. I'll tell you about a tornado. Back when I was about 16 in the Depression, before I had the operation in Sweden, there was this tornado. It picked me and mah dawg up and carried me off to I don't know where. Like ta' never got home. Me and the dawg just walked down this road and walked and walked. Met some of the weirdest people on that walk. Yah think there's weirdos in Cali-forn-i-a. Ya aint seen nothin like what I saw. Worst of it was them damn flying monkeys. You think birds are bad, whatever you do don't look up and smile when one a them monkeys is flyin' over. Gawwdamnit that was a tornado!