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Sunday, October 28, 2012

Mad Man's History Lessons: Timeline 4

One out of 14 readers on my blog ( Yes, 14 readers this year. That's a 16.67% improvement over last year's count of 12. And 40% growth over five years. Yes, business is good!) ask me why I do this. For those who dont know what I'm talking about, read part 1, part 2 and part 3 to catch up on what has happened so far. Now coming back to the question. To answer this one, I'll quote another infinitely more famous historian who said, "The only way the history will be kind to me is if I take up the job of writing it myself". There! I said too! Feel free to quote me. Now back to your favourite lessons in History:

1500 AD: Peter Henlein of Germany invents the portable watch. He relocates to Switzerland immediately on finding favourable economic conditions, because for the first time in history, time is money!

1503 AD: Leonardo Da Vinci introduces a technique called "Sfumato" or "Leonardo's Smoke" to create an elusive smile on the Mona Lisa. The curators asked him what he was smoking.

1508 AD: Michelangelo misses the deadlines on his "deliverables". He starts working on the Sistine Chapel a few minutes after being told by his employers that the shit has well and truly hit the roof.

1518 AD: The world's first rave party is held at Strasbourg. Nearly 50 die after dancing non-stop for days on the trot. Hundreds of others died laughing.

1522 AD: Ferdinand Megallan claims to have circumnavigated the world. His critics believe he just took a u-turn of Atlantic proportions, and confiscated his license for disregard of traffic rules.

1531 AD: At the end of a decade long search of gold, silver and a non-existent passage to China, all that Hernando de Soto discovered were thousands of bottles of super spicy ketchup near Tabasco, Mexico.

1543 AD: Copernicus publishes a paper to tell the church that the Universe doesn't revolve around them.

1558 AD: Georgius Agricola, the "Father of Mineralogy", publishes his De re metallica. More than four centuries later, his work proves to be a repository of names for noisy musicians.

1570 AD: Hurt by the name people have given him for killing thousands, Ivan the Terrible orders another hundreds of thousands to be killed.

1582 AD: Tired of seeing so many men mess up with their dates, Pope Gregory XIII introduced the Gregorian calendar.

1591 AD: First flush toilet is introduced by Sir John Harrington of England. He now turns in his grave every time somebody pays him a tribute to him and 'goes to the John'.

Much seems to have happened in the 16th century alone. Well, lets just say things started getting interesting from here on. So until the 17th century, so long.