Codependence V

I struggle with this one. From what I have read over the years, we all want to be the latter and not the former. As far as I currently gather it goes like this: a codependent relationship is two people feeding each other's emotional dependencies, rather like a drug addict feeds their habit with an actual substance. Google it and the first thing I see is "Codependence is when one has difficulty experiencing their own reality" ; what DOES that mean?

Somehow I want the word codependence to speak to me all by itself and tell me what it means, like for example "love"; I know what that means. A quick Google generates a lot of stuff, but this one seems concise "tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own". Now this I can relate to my experience. I ask someone what they would like to do and every answer comes back in terms of what they think I would like to do. Drives me nuts. In relationship terms, if a partner won't say what they want, then they are not capable of being pleased, which is where I get my joy - by giving. Does that make ME codependent?! Ouch!

I wonder if this is all related to taking responsibility for one's own feelings and not for those of another. Honesty is the key. Honesty is the hardest way to be - for it means to take a stand and be myself at all times and in all places.

Of course all this is easily said and not so easily done. I am programmed from childhood and thus view the world through tinted glasses. Taking those glasses off is a work on myself in itself.

It needs honest feedback from others - something that is next to impossible to get; especially from those close by, since the temptation to extract revenge can be overwhelming for another who also views the world through a different lens.

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