Send me email updates about messages I've received
on the site and the latest news from The CafeMom Team.By signing up, you certify that
you are female and accept the Terms of Service and have read the
Privacy Policy.

Advice....or just really a VENT I guess.....please no bashing.rather long.

So my hubby and I got in a hard spot with money. To make ends meet and get our little one Christmas gifts I decided to start caring for children in our home. Well I am a Navy wife who got a overwhelming response for care for small kids. I asked my ex friend to help me out. We split everything evenly I learned 2 or 3 weeks in I was already almost 3 months pregnant. My friend introduced me to some girls who needed care for there daughters when they went to work at night ex navy girls (who strip little did i KNOW!). Well my husband got tired of coming home me dog tired and my friend just sitting there mind...I was splitting the pay she didn't want to change diapers or feed the infants (afraid of getting dirty). Well I told her I would be fine without her help the middle of December she ask why I didn't have the balls in me to tell her she was a LAZY BUTT! Well her friends I was sitting for kept leaving there little one's in my care days on ends Thursday to Sunday maybe one phone call in there to say hey I'll pick them up later and never show until late Sunday night! I am a good hearted woman who just got tired of BS I told them how it was told them I was to pregnant to deal with there BS! They went crazy on me and then my friend got upset I wasn't going to be caring for the little one's anymore (we live in a area where my friend lives on the other side of the water) these girls momma stripped downtown where I live and didn't have to drive out 30 mins to get a babysitter (my friend) I was used time and time again!Well I had a packnplay and bouncer my friend had brought here and her book. Last week she sent a text saying set her gifts for the little one and packnplay/bouncer outside my door. I did plus I needed more room for my daughters new toys so thought nothing of it her hubby was to pick it up. My suppose friend goes and calls these girls says I am throwing there stuff away I had no idea it was there's. They call me harass me and needless to say my friend ended up BLOCKING ME from FB....IGNORING MY CALLS...after I TRIED repeatedly asking her why she would do this to me! She knows I was having difficulty with my pregnancy stressed swelled....goes on. She has been TTC for almost 3 years I told her in a text I saw why God hadn't blessed her with any kids...she was a LAZY B#& and she didn't deserve any baby. I understand she is mad...but the horrible thing about this all. One of the little one's mother sent her bf to get there stuff....I fell down the stairs carrying the bouncer. I lost my baby last week and really want my friend to know how she could have prevented this! I'm not looking to BLAME her...but I be dang she is a part in why I was going down the stairs with a bouncer.

This is crazy. I say write your friend a letter and tell her why she was a bad friend and get it all out and just cut her out of your life. Someone who is causing you so much grief and you dealing with the loss of your baby can be too much. I just think someone who would do this to you does not deserve you're friendship. If I were you I would just write that letter so she'll have to face the truth and take it easy for a while. I hope you feel better and take care.

"I'm not looking to BLAME her...but I be dang she is a part in why I was going down the stairs with a bouncer. "
-------------------------------
Hon, I'm sorry for your loss, but it was NOT her fault. You could have tripped carrying a basket of laundry, or tripped carrying nothing at all. The things you said to her were WAAAAY below the belt. What she did to you was mean, yes, but what you said to her was inexcusable! You shouldn't say things like that to another human being... how dare you. God doesn't punish people by making them barren, and you telling her that was cruel. You both are better off without each other. And you have some growing up to do.

You are right Brandy. I do have more growing up to do but how dare you bash me! I ask for no BASHING> Yeah a real woman would have told her up front but still I am upset and just HATE this happened to my family so think whatever I am mourning and just wanted to seek advice not be HATED!

Comment by
Anonymous
(original poster)
at 6:56 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

I don't hate you, and I wasn't bashing you. You need to hear this... I'm sorry, but it's a tough pill to swallow. I used to say things like that to people, and I've learned the hard way, by wrecking relationships and burning bridges. Don't go that way. If you get that mad... then that is the time to NOT pick up the phone. Go somewhere alone and scream about it... say all those nasty mean things in private, out loud, so you can hear how malicious they are.
Seriously... what you said to her is going to hurt her for the rest of her life. "Two wrongs don't make a right"

I understand that you're mourning, but regardless of saying you aren't trying to blame her, you are. You could have asked someoneelse to carry the bouncer down the stairs or waited for your spouse to do it. That was your choice. The whole thing with the babysitting is messed up, and I'd cut my losses as far as that goes.

I'm not bashing, but that's completely cruel to say that to her. I have lost 2 children, and would never say that to someone; mourning is not an excuse to be mean to people.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 7:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

I have to agree with the previous posters. Not to bash, but yes, you both were out of line. She was paid to do a job that she didn't, but at the same time, you should not have been cruel in your response.

Do we all want to say things like that sometimes? Yeah, probably. I know I do. That's what journals are GREAT for! But as adults, and especially as parents, we have to take the higher road. We teach our children, and the people around us, how to behave by example, for good and for bad.

Having miscarried twice myself, it's not something I would wish on ANYONE for ANY reason, and having watched people in my family TTC in vain for 20 years, neither is infertility. Words *do* cause injury, much as driving a nail into a fencepost. You can remove the nail, but the mark it leaves remains forever.