Netflix Declares War Against Sleep

LOS GATOS – Who would you guess is Netflix’s biggest competitor? HBO? Amazon? Nope, it’s sleep.
Sleep is an essential and traditionally nocturnal activity that has a negative effect on Netflix’s bottom line. Netflix laid out its case against sleep in stark terms.

“There are only so many hours in the day,” said CEO Reed Hastings, “so you’re going have to make a choice. Eating, sleeping, working, and spending time with friends and family pretty much takes it all up. If you’re going to want to soak up the endless hours of premium Netflix content, something’s got to give. Over here we say, down with sleep. Long live the binge!”

While the loyal army of Netflix subscribers require little motivation to forgo sleep in lieu of devouring high caliber scripted shows with complex plots and superb acting, the official declaration of war adds an essential element of validation.

I used to feel ashamed coming into work all drowsy and out of it after a night of binge watching,” said Tim Clarkson. “But now I’m a man with a cause who doesn’t need to operate heavy machinery. I’ve always said, who needs sleep when you’ve got a queue full of Black Mirror episodes wreaking havoc on your psyche.”