“There’s a giant snake on my toilet,” he told cops who arrived at his apartment on White Plains Road in Soundview.

(We love a man with a flair for language.)

The snake was deemed “harmless,” or, as “harmless” as a motherfuckin’ snake in a motherfuckin’ toilet can possibly be.

Actual toilet snake, via the Daily News.

Runner-up quote of the day:

“We’ve got enough problems here with bugs and mice. Now there’s snakes coming up through our toilets,” she said. “That’s just scary.”

Now, is there anything worse than finding a snake on your toilet? How about…finding a snake with a foot that grew out of its body clinging to the wall of your bedroom in the middle of the night. That’s just scary. (Click for snake-foot photo.)