Rape Support Group

If you or someone you know has been the victim of rape, this is the place to find support and get advice. If you want, discuss your experience, share your feelings, and meet others going through a similar situation.

About virginity

This may seem weird or maybe some will understand, but when I was raped I was a virgin. I'd played around but had never had sex. Afterwards I found myself having sex with a guy because my rape had made me feel like that was the thing to do, my counsellor said I had been trying to normalise my rape.
I've mentioned the guy I'm seeing now in another thread, but thinking about the issue of virginity, is it a bad move to draw a line under the bad experiences and treat the guy I am with now, the one I feel comfortable with and enjoy, as though he is my first? I feel like if I let go of what being raped made me do, as we all know it's never just the rape itself but our whole lives, it may help. Does it make sense or do I sound like a fool?

You join many of us who had sexual exeriences because rape 'taught' us lessons we weren't ready to learn. I understand your desire to 'draw a line'. Therapeutically, I am not sure of the appropriateness of it, but, I certainly understand. As far as virginity is concerned, I believe the standard there is consent. Unfortunately, I was raped at 12 years of age. Before I learned anything about sexuality, about what rape had done to my body or my mind, I endeavored to learn on my own. I began a series of promiscuous sexual reationships between the age of 13 and 15. The sex was how I had 'learned' it. It was forceful and angry and if I didn't feel damaged when I pulled up my jeans or dropped my skirt hem, well, 'we' had done it wrong. If they didn't hurt me, I told them &quot;you're doing it wrong!&quot;

Because of the number of sexual episodes I encountered in that timeframe, once I learned I actually hadn't lost my virginity, I then believed I had simply thrown it away in the thre years following.

But, if you have the option to draw a line, to reclaim this time in your sexual experience as a starting point, well, if you can do that, and you therapist has no issues with it, I say GO FOR IT!!

Too much is stolen from us in rape. Too much of what is left we misunderstand and make choices based on that misunderstanding. Reclaim all that you can. Love yourself, your body, and your ability to be sexual, and guard what you have as treasure. YOU choose when you are ready, and with whom to share your love.
You make the beginning as you see fit.

Many of us have 'phases' of our lives. The &quot;before the rape&quot; phase, and the &quot;after the rape&quot; phase. Who's to say that the second phase in your life can't be, the &quot;second beginning&quot;????

Yes, I think it is perfectly fine and actually great that you treat the guy you are with now as your first time. I think that it is great because you are choosing the person who you want to share your sexual experience with. Rape is hard, and extremely traumatic and we often cope with what happened to us in many ways. Just as your counselor is telling you that you were trying to &quot;normalize&quot; your rape&quot; many of us have experience. I myself tried to deny what happened to me, or to believe that I could consent to other sexual encounters.

I was a virgin when I was Date-Raped, I was drunk and do not remember it really, I thought that I had blacked out. But, my mind is slowly letting me recall the Rape(Short version). The girls at school, really harrassed me about it! After that, I started dating a guy, he started to push me into having sex w/ him. I told him no! Time and time again, but he would antagonize me w/ &quot;I know your not a virgin,&quot; over and over again! I would still say, NO! I just couldn't take it anymore, so I just let him...I didn't participate, look at him or make a sound. Afterwards, he accused me of sleeping w/ a lot of guys, b/c how could I lay there and not hurt or make a noise. Although, it didn't hurt that portion of my body, the rest of my body was tense! In my mind I was screaming NO, NO, CRYING INSIDE, and WHY. HE KNEW I DIDN'T WANT TOO! Then it was finished and I let him keep me for two years! Then, I was quite promiscuous, after him.

Later on, (I don't know if you are religious) but I prayed for God to make me a Virgin again. I knew that all of that happenned b/c of the rapes and so did God. God made me whole again, he healed me of not being a Virgin. I prayed to be healed from the past and to be a Virgin and I felt God's healing! I also, prayed that God would send the &quot;RIGHT MAN&quot; for me. We have been married for 12 years and counting! I have been very blessed, in spite of my PTSD.

A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

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