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Why I Am Jealous of Introverts

Any reader to this blog knows I am an extrovert. I think anyone who shares their life online is pretty extroverted but in some ways I am jealous of my introverted friends and family (who occasionally make me crazy with their introverted ways!).

1. I’m jealous of introverts following, not leading

It would be so nice not be expected to lead all the time. Extroverts are often turned to for leadership and most of the time it is ok because we are the most outspoken about how we want things done. But sometimes it can be exhausting and I just want to be a follower.

Perfect example is in my new Midsingles committee. There are a 11 stakes involved and who ended up leading discussions- me. I was up front trying to corral everyone’s thoughts and write them on the board, trying to make the meeting run as smoothly as possible and we only went over by 10 minutes.

There was a side of me that was exhausted but a little exhilarated after because it was a challenge leading the meeting. There was another side who wished I could have just sat in a corner and written down what I had to do and be done with it. But then who would lead the meeting?

In this case I don’t know if there was anyone who could have led the meeting and I was happy to do it but I do envy how little introverts have to lead others. It’s hard being in charge!

2. I also envy introverts lack of a need for social interactions.

If I am not actively meeting new people, making friends, spending time with friends, I get depressed. My introverted friends can have an evening out with the hubby or a friend once a month and be fine. The older I get the harder it is to get together with friends and sometimes I wish I could turn the part of my brain which needs it off and be happy regardless.

That said, I do a great many things alone and am comfortable with it but it is never my preference; whereas, introverts may often prefer to be alone.

3. I envy how much work people must do to get to know an introvert

On the same breath I think sometimes introverts have different relationships than extroverts. Because they are usually quiet and more reserved it takes more effort to get to know them; thereby, making the friendships they do achieve very meaningful and important.

My friends mean everything to me but as an extrovert I am extremely easy to get to know. I literally have no secrets with the world and I think that is a good thing; however, it can lead to me investing more in friendships than others and being disappointed when people flake or aren’t as serious about the friendship as I am.

4. I’m envious of the way introverts learn and study.

There are all kinds of stereotypes which go along with being an introvert or extrovert, but one of the most prevailing is that introverts are more academic and smarter than extroverts. There is probably some truth to this notion because introverts are more likely to read and do other solitary academic activities.

The challenge can be as an extrovert I need to express my thoughts on subjects in order for me to finish out my thinking. This can be seen as combative or challenging to introverts who don’t want to debate topics especially in a group. Groups can be frustrating because I am always asked to lead but it is the best way for me to actually learn most topics. I can read something by myself 4 or 5 times and not get it but then have a discussion with a friend and pick up right away. I guess I’m envious of the brain which doesn’t need the social component to learn if that makes sense.

I mean how many brilliant people have been extroverts? Not many…

5. I am envious of an introverts ability to listen

Because introverts are typically more soft-spoken and quiet (at least in groups) they tend to be good listeners. Sometimes I can get frustrated at them not expressing their opinions or sharing their thoughts with me. It can feel closed off, even dishonest, when they are probably listening, pondering and formulating opinions by themselves.

While I may be formulating my opinion while they are talking, waiting to express it, introverts are usually listening to what I am saying and then communicating carefully what they feel and think. There’s something great about that which I have worked on over the years but will never be my top attribute.

Listening takes focus for me and I have learned to bite my tongue and let everyone share. But it’s hard for me so I envy those who just want to listen.

6. I envy an introverts peacemaking skills.

Jesus said ‘the meek shall inherit the earth”. Why does He speak so highly of the meek introverts? I think it is their peacekeeping skills that help calm down us extroverts. I get passionate and excited about a variety of topics and it is my introverted friends who pull me down from the ledge and get me to see both sides, even when I really don’t want too.

Sometimes introverts can frustrate me because they seem to not have opinions on anything. It’s so hard to know what they like or dislike, or where they stand on key issues. However, often it is the introverts who see the middle ground, the compromise, and I am able to let go of my pride and concede at least a few points.

In the end we are who we are and we can’t change that. We can work with it and tweak it but our core personality is always with us. We all have different gifts and can learn from each other. All of these introverted traits I try to apply as much as I can in my life without it stifling who I am. And I am sure introverts have a list of reasons they are jealous of extroverts.

Thankfully we can all learn from each other, be patient and get along no matter what ‘vert’ we are.

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12 thoughts on “Why I Am Jealous of Introverts”

Interesting comparisons here. I wish I could say I’m an extrovert, but I’m more of an introvert because I don’t need to go outside or physically be around people. But I think that it’s harder to label people as extroverts or introverts nowadays. The internet has made the world so connected that introverts and extroverts alike can talk with all kinds of people, blurring the lines between them.

I bet that’s the case in a lot of marriages because we are usually attracted to that different kind of expression. It is probably for the best too because two extroverts married to each other is a lot of fireworks!

Thanks! I’m so glad you liked reading it. You might be right about it being slightly situational. For instance, I’m a definite extrovert but when I’m around boys (especially one I like) I get all nervous, quiet and mousy. Silly me!

Thank you for your perspective. As an introvert, your post actually made me feel pretty good about introversion. I guess what I sometimes consider my weaknesses, can be my strengths. It’s all a matter of perspective. Introverts are invading the internet, though…lol. We’re lurking all over, but it’s more difficult to identify us, because we respond differently in written communication and posts than we would in person. We can take our time and think, before we post or respond to someone else. This leads others to think we’re extroverts, because some introverts are more open in written communication. I also can see your point regarding leadership. My husband is an extreme extrovert and he doesn’t like to say no. He would take on the world if he could…lol. This often leads to his exhaustion. I feel for you dear and hope you are able to have more moments where you can just follow and take the time you need. It’s ok to say no if you need. Take care of yourself. This was a great post, and thanks again for your perspective.

I basically disagree with your assessment. I am an introvert. I’m jealous of extroverts. I’d be very comfortable being my introverted self if others would allow me to be me. My life would be much easier if I were an extrovert.I’m constantly fighting to keep boundaries with everyone. I must have alone time or I almost cannot function without recharging. The constant demands of work, which push one to be more extroverted, family who visit more than I would prefer, friends who are always inviting you out for this or that thing. I don’t get to be introverted. I’m constantly experiencing hurt feelings of others when I decline because I have to. I can’t keep up with everyone so someone is always going to to be let down. Probably several someone’s. And no one said an extrovert always HAS to take care of things on the job. You chose to more quickly to get it done. No ones making you. Introverts CAN do all that too, we just don’t jump in as eagerly as an extrovert. So the extrovert writing this blog seems misinformed about how much easier it is to be introverted while this introvert thinks life would be much easier if i were extroverted, because that is what pretty much everyone, in this world, expects out of you…except other introverts. But we usually aren’t friends with them.