February 25, 2008

They march around like they’re in charge of train schedules.
They pretend to have very important secret documents.
Their rooms have become underground bunkers .
And they have begun to repetitively chant ugly things in order to stir each other up.

February 08, 2008

What?
No good morning for your Dad?
You want what?
No, I don’t care how many muffins you eat.
Sure, go ahead and have another one.
What?
You haven’t finished the one on your plate?
You only like the top of the muffin?
No problem!
Mom makes you finish them before getting another?
Mom isn’t here, is she?
Yay!
Go get yourself another muffin.
They’re in the kitchen.
You know that?
Great!
More muffins for everyone.
Because I am so tired of hearing you beg for another muffin,
I can’t stand it.
Does it matter to you that you have half a muffin on your plate?
Hell no!
A whole muffin is always better than a half.
Everyone knows that.
So, go ahead.
Have another muffin.

February 06, 2008

In fact, my renditions are now shorter than Cliffs notes.
Here’s how it kind of goes;

Me: “Once upon a time there were three bears and goldilocks ate their porridge
and they caught her, the end. Go to sleep.”

My kids: “Dad, that was short!”
Me: “And sweet. Go to sleep."
Them: “That’s not how it really goes!”
Me: “That’s how it goes now. Go to sleep.”
Them: “Awww...”
Me: “Awww nothing, there are poor, starving kids in Vietnam
who are so starving and poor they don’t even get any stories.”
Them: “Huh? Where’s Vietnam?“
Me: “It’s a country on the Indochina peninsula."
Them: “Where’s the Indochina peninsula?”
Me: “It’s in Southeast As…”

Suddenly, I realize I have spent more time justifying my speed storytelling
than actually telling the entire story.