n

Friday, July 15, 2016

SINGLES: CHOOSE FOR TOMORROW TOO!

Still on the subject of choosing a marriage
partner, (it's an inexhaustible field, don't you think?), I would like to share
with you some essential thoughts that will help you now in your search and even
much more later on your journey of marriage.

I draw my thoughts from Luke 14:28-30:

"Is there anyone here who, planning to
build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if
you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of
money, you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun
at you: He started something he couldn't finish." The Message
Translation

There is little doubt that when most single
people are contemplating a choice of a life partner, they are often preoccupied
with the immediate. They judge mostly by what they feel drawn to in the other
person for the now. What they look like now. What they know now. How they
behave now. Just their capacity in the now.

While this is an inevitable part of the
process, it must not be the overriding preoccupation. Marriage as you already
know is a lifetime journey. So you want to marry someone for the long haul. You
want to be sure that your partner has staying power and will not begin to sing
a different tune some years down the line.

Let me let you know this truth: You will be
married to different persons in the same person as the years progress in your
married life!

Yes you heard me right.

The person you marry now will be a different
kind of person in five, ten, twenty, thirty-five, fifty, sixty years from
now!

The same thing applies to you too.

Why so?

It is because of one harmless-sounding
word.

EVOLVE.

See, people evolve with time. That means that
people change with time. Not necessarily in a bad way or in a negative sense
but because of the reality of living and as a result of life's experiences and
interactions. Experiences, exposure, increased knowledge ( or
the lack thereof), influences, pressures, challenges, unforeseen circumstances,
children, sons and daughters-in law, grand-children, demands of work and
career, business challenges, progress, blessings, setbacks, growing, aging,
dwindling hormones, dwindling libido, health issues and the list goes on and on
and on again.

The effect of all of these interactions is
that they cause a person to evolve gradually and without announcement! The
things that were once seen as important now take a back seat on their scale of
preferences because in the light of their current reality, those things no
longer matter that much. They are changing. Their views and perspectives are
being altered gradually. The same thing is happening to you too.

The point therefore is that if you married
someone only because of their capacity at the time, what becomes of your
relationship when tomorrow both of you have become somewhat different
individuals in terms of your EXPECTATIONS from each other especially?

Your needs from each other are different now.

Even your capabilities and 'smartness' may
suffer a momentary setback due to busier schedules, health challenges,
distractions and what have you.

What times like these call for is a
restructuring of thoughts and paradigms. A rising up to the challenge of
present realities. Ditching confining stereotypes and adjusting to your new
realities with a view to making sure that your relationship thrives while
nothing suffers. Getting things done in spite of! Working in harmony and
finding joy in every season your lives go through. All these while remaining
true to your vows and not compromising fidelity!

So when the tide has turned somewhat, what
becomes of you both? Will you be able to rise up to the occasion and give to
life what it demands from you at this new level? Will you be able to cope or
will someone throw in the towel and jump ship? Will someone become irritable
and reactionary because 'what' they married has slipped away unnoticed?

This, my friend is what you should consider in
choosing a marriage partner. From the get go, you have to be able to determine
that you are marrying someone who in your estimation will be able to last on
the journey WHEN the seasons change and the once physically alluring attributes
have become anything but! This is so crucial I couldn't emphasize it enough.

Think tomorrow, guys. Think tomorrow!

Your choice today must take into consideration
the inevitable truth that both of you will need to evolve with time in a better
way, that is. So you need to be sure that whoever you are traveling on the
journey of marriage with understands this as much as you do. It is something
you both should talk about and be aware of.

So, how then do you go about this daunting
task?

It all boils down to subjecting yourself and
your partner to the test of character in your pre-marital relationship. This
will take some time as well as deliberate effort aimed at carrying on in your
relationship in a manner that will help you determine if your partner is a
'sprint runner' or 'marathon runner!' Lol.

Look out for and cultivate in yourself the
following qualities:

-Flexibility

-Adaptability

-Teachability ( willingness to learn and to
grow).

No doubt you need the help of the Holy Spirit
in this. Pray and sincerely depend on Him to show you what you ordinarily would
not even perceive.

But having done that, you need smart
engagement with your intended so as to be able to ascertain that they pass the
flexibility, adaptability and teachability test.

Don't forget that you must also pass the same
test yourself.

We all start from 'somewhere,' but we need to
be open-minded and willing to grow as we learn from the experiences life throws
at us. With this attitude in place, we will be able to go the whole length of
our (hopefully) long and beautiful marriages without losing steam especially
when the various seasons happen upon us.