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Of course I use a pen-name with this blog. I don’t feel the need to change that. Any time I do consider using my name I remember the feeling of having someone recognize in public and expect me to be who they thought I was. This blog is personal but it is not everything I am. I’m a quiet person, not so much private, but quiet. I don’t enjoy talking about sex and focusing on sex exclusively. I am interested in so much beyond what you read here. But, this is what it is and where it is. It’s a limited edition, literally.

Should you use an erotica pen-name? Or should you create a new writing persona for your erotica?

Why do we like sex with giant/ alien insect creatures? It’s a fetish which usually involves being forced too. Is that part of it? Being desired sexually by someone (or thing) and having our better judgment suspended? So much of kinkiness is about what is and is not taboo for our culture. Something which breaks our acceptable standards must be labeled kinky, or a fetish, because it’s abnormal even wrong.

We do need standards for behaviour in our culture. We need laws and codes of conduct and protocol to guide us and avoid chaos. But, in our imaginations we can be as weird and unacceptable as we choose. The problem arises when imagination becomes reality. People question the lines drawn and standards and rules are sometimes changed. For better, or for worse?

Anyway, I do like kinky bug sex. Analyzing why spoils it. Like holding it up to a light and making it seem something I have to be responsible for, answer for. But, it’s all in my imagination. I don’t take kinky bug sex ideas into reality. I do like seeing illustrations from others however. I do like kinky bug sex in movie scenes and written erotica. But, these are things I enjoy in the privacy of my own computer.

I have never tried anything with a real insect. That would be too weird and very unsatisfactory as an experience. Reality has too many limits to enjoy kinky bug sex. The fantasy is only limited by imagination and my own moral standards.

Patreon is a network for artists: musicians, podcasters, video makers, bloggers, game makers, writers, photographers, cartoonists, pretty much anything you can put into a digital file and share online.

The idea is for artists to display what they create and get sponsors/ patrons to enable them to keep working on their creations. Anyone can get an account on Patreon and choose to give financial support to the artists with a monthly amount based on how much they want to spend and how often the artist creates new art. Read more about it all on Patreon. I’m not explaining it as well as the founder and staff do.

I thought I would find more adult artists on Patreon. So far, just these:

Not the best list. To start with, initiating a conversation about sex (kinky sex) would be a big deal. How many non-kinky women are going to jump right in that way? Not many.

Leave some hints, without being too subtle. But, only IF this is a guy you can really trust to try something kinky with. Women starting out as submissive need to educate themselves about kinks, fetishes and BDSM before letting him lead you blindly. A safe word is not enough. By the time things get to needing a safe word it’s already gone too far. Start slow is the best advice in this list. The second best is to have a talk afterwards. Even if you feel silly or shy, especially if you feel upset, talk about it within the hour. Talk about it again later when your feelings have sorted themselves out a bit. Talk again before you try anything else.

Be creative, in the way of taking things slow. Adapt the stuff you have seen in movies, magazines, online into something mild and saner. No matter how into it you think you are (or he says he is) take time to find out how you really feel when you are actually in the situation. It’s all a lot different when it’s real. Plus, you have to live with it, have memories of it.

For submissive women – don’t assume anyone claiming to be a dominant actually knows what they are doing. Don’t trust someone too easily. Submission is giving up control but not being a door mat and having no power or voice at all.

For dominant women – don’t be led into doing what he wants. Discover what you want and do things your own way. Domming can get very boring if you really aren’t interested in what you’re doing.

Keep each other safe along the way. Communicate with each other and find kinky communities locally and/ or online to get real advice from.

Sources for adult/ sexy/ dirty pen pals:

DirtyPenPals is a writing subreddit for people 18+ who are looking to find a connection with someone through creative writing and intelligent, erotic conversation. Post a request and find someone who wants to play!

Hi, I am looking for a woman who is little bored in her relationship and wants to spice things up a little with an email correspondence. Some sexy chat, maybe talk of desires, fantasies….maybe a little erotica writing. I am witty, intelligent, and easy going. Also, just looking to keep this on line only. Let me know if you are interested.

I doubt the dog really sees much difference in posing nude – under a fur coat they’re all nude. But, the humans would know there’s something different about posing without clothing for a photograph with an animal. So, is this taking advantage of an animal? Is this taboo? Where are the lines drawn?

How would you feel if it were a child instead of a dog? What if the child were also nude? Yet, I don’t think it’s sinful for a parent to bathe their child and remove their own clothing to keep it from getting soaked.

What is PiggyBankGirls all about?

The idea came from talking to girls that are either in the erotic business or just the typical girl next door. Girls told us that if they got into the erotic industry (or already were), then they would do it for a specific goal and not just for rent or saving up money. Girls wanted to go on a boat cruise, pay tuition fees, or even for surgery due to health/beauty reasons.

We realized that many of them could make those wishes come true by sharing a bit of themselves with interested people – some sexy pictures, hot videos, a customized message or whatever occurs to them. We knew there were guys out there that do have money but are missing a little spice in their life and wouldn’t mind supporting a girl and her dreams.

The BDSM experience is different for men and women, in several ways. Women are more careful about meeting men. Women may be looking for romance and affection, a relationship while men really just want sex. Women tend to get pushed into things they really don’t want to do, in order to keep the peace.

I often read people (men) claiming women into Domming are rare. In my experience this is not true. I encounter many women who would enjoy Domming men, if they could find one who meets their needs.

Being a male submissive may not be what you think it is at all

There are very few men who understand what a Dom woman is looking for, what she actually wants. She does not want to be the Dom you see in pornography. If you are looking for a woman to fulfill all your porno fantasies of what male submission should be… pay for it. Professional sex workers will dress the part and read from whatever script you want, do it your way (as long as safety is considered) and give you what you want as you expect to have it.

Real women who Dom, just because they want to, will want to do things their own way. Real women Doms have their own fantasies, their own desires and plans for play, teasing, romance, seduction, torment and all their own fetishes and kinks. They will want you to please them and that may not include any of the fetishes and kinks you have been fantasizing about.

A real woman may not want a man slobbering on her shoes or expecting to wear her underwear, for instance. Some women may like the idea of training men to submit while others think they should already be house broken.

Worship and begging may not appeal to her. For myself, both of these are a turn off. The real appeal of having a male submissive is that he be a man, strong, clever, manly and yet my submissive. Retain your dignity and be a male submissive worth having and keeping.

Before you Begin…

Decide if you actually want the reality.

Do you want a woman telling you what to do? Are you willing to be disappointed when she isn’t interested in doing what you want, the way you want it? Will you let her lead or will you try to pressure her into giving you what you want instead?

Do not manipulate your Dom. Yes, it is fun to have the erotic play of teasing, denial, struggling and so on… but it should be sincerely part of the fun and not “topping from the bottom”. Two people sincerely invested in D/s can have a lot of fun, pleasure and explorations. If you top from the bottom (manipulate your Dom) you cheat yourself from ever having the real experience of submitting, serving and discovering the pleasure of being a male submissive in reality.

Also, no Dom woman likes to be manipulated. We get this from almost every so-called male sub on dating sites and etc. It is very discouraging. If you wonder why there are so few women into Domming – this would be the number one reason.

If you can’t let go of your expectations then consider paying for what you want and getting it from a McDomme (paid to do it your way).

What are you really willing to do?

Too many men have a list of fetish and kink ideas but no thoughts about the reality. This is especially a bad idea when it comes to health and safety. There are several things which will sound good on paper or turn you on when you watch a video… but reality is not like that. Reality is messier, reality is less planned and professional, less perfect and reality has accidents and misunderstandings.

Never say you are willing to do anything/ everything. Because you aren’t. No one is – unless it’s make believe and pretend.

Read about the reality of your fetishes and kinks. Instead of watching the porn find someone who really has done it and read about their experience. What went wrong, what didn’t work and how did they learn to do it better or another way. Research the reality. Even if you have no experience you can read the experience of others (just not the porn version).

Consider safety and be practical about it

If you have issues such as allergies, a phobia, dislikes put together a list of these issues. Personally, I don’t like having something close around my neck or mouth because I grew up with asthma. I’m also allergic to animals which limits the places and people I can spend time with to some extent. These are things to be aware of, for yourself and the woman Dom you would like to meet.

Although safety and health are more up to the Dom in a D/s relationship you can’t expect her to know your needs, read your mind or use telepathy to know there is a problem.

Safe words are not that reliable. If there is a real problem, something sudden, you need communication which won’t be forgotten in the moment or confused with something else. A direct safe word, like stop, is better than trying for some secret code you may not remember when you need it. If you use the safe word for effect rather than actually needing it the play stops anyway. Respect the safe word – it’s not a game.

Communicate and talk about anything you plan to do. Start simple and leave yourself room to back out or change the plan. you may think you want to start with the hard stuff but discover your feelings were far more involved when it was actually happening. It is possible to discover you have a phobia or intense dislike you didn’t know you had until you tried something. This can be especially true with bondage. Actually being confined is not just as you imagine it to be. Explore and experiment with baby steps and savour the experiences as you go.

Submission is not a gift

Years ago the idea that submission is a gift started in the online BDSM groups. This is not the right attitude. Domination is just as much a gift, if you want to consider either of them a gift at all.

You have chosen to submit and your Dom has chosen to lead you, to control you and to own you (up to a point). She is not likely to want to micro-manage you. Being the Dom is a responsibility. It’s not easy and it is not something to take lightly. People can get hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. Both of you need to communicate to prevent problems. The gift is the relationship itself, when you can find it.

Explore and discover

Try blindfolding yourself in your own bed. How does it feel? Does the blindfold itch? Do you feel peaceful?

Sit on your hands next time you’re alone watching TV. How long can you keep yourself in this self-bondage? How uncomfortable is it?

Sit under a table, let it become your cage. Does the confinement bother you? Do you feel snugly caged or just trapped?

Try being naked when you are home alone. With the blinds or curtains closed stand naked in front of the window. Even knowing no one can see you do you get a thrill or can you not even do it at all?

Buy a dog collar for yourself. No one has to know you don’t have a dog (or your dog won’t be wearing this one). Wear the collar but wrap it around your wrist the first day (not your neck).

Even before you have a Dom you can practice serving her tea. Dress up (she doesn’t want pubic hair in her tea cup), make a plate up with pretty treats and serve tea in a teapot with a fancy teacup and saucer for her.

The reality is much different from the fantasy. Reality isn’t the porn version because it’s not scripted and the people are not actors. However, you can actually be one of the people involved rather than watching and wishing from the sidelines. Just make sure you want the reality, imperfect but not impersonal.

This is one of the differences between porn and erotica for me. If you just write something to be jerked off to… the words and spelling don’t matter so much (I guess). But, if you want to write something with a story, with words people will actually read versus skim, then it does matter what you write and how you write it.