Just the thought of actually typing me is making me overwhelmed. I keep telling myself I feel down because of external factors but it doesn't matter whether bad or good things happen, I always have this feeling that nothing will ever change, that I will never know what it means to live without this feeling of emptiness all the time. I don't want to talk to my friends or my parents about it, I know they would try to help and understand but I don't even understand why I feel this way. I don't want to talk to anyone I know, that would just make me feel worse that they know how I'm feeling. I put a mask on every day and I pretend everything's ok and it's exhausting, more times than not the best moment of the day for me is when I go to sleep because I know I won't have to be awake at least for some time... the worst thing is my parents telling me how I used to be such a happy child, I know they sense I'm feeling down but I never want to talk about it. My dad suffered from depression and I feel like I understand what he was going through... but then I feel so silly thinking I could be depressed when I don't have any actual reasons to be...

I'm scared to find out that I suffer from depression... I feel like since there is nothing really bad going on my in life I shouldn't be feeling this way and it makes me feel guilty. I've read the symptoms and warning signs and it scares me even more to find out that I feel most things on that list... a lot of websites suggest talking to friends but I don't see how that would help... the next step would be to see a professional but having something like depression being confirmed is also scary for me...

I feel like I need confirmation that what I'm feeling is normal, that I'm not depressed... how do I know if I'm just a sad person or I suffer from depression? I've felt like this for years but I just don't understand if it's just my personality or it's something bigger. What if this is just who I am and nothing will ever change that?

Writing this has made me feel worse because I can see the words I wrote and it makes everything more real... I don't even know what I'm looking for here but it's like I need to know that I'm normal and I should just keep on pretending... if that even makes sense.

To me it sounds like depression, even if its not severe. I think you should talk to your dad, or someone you know who has gone through depression to help you understand and cope with your own feelings of emptiness. I too struggle with the empty pit inside me, and its something that just gets worse the more you try to ignore it.

Hello Curly,You've been brave and taken positive action in coming here to this forum. I've not been here long myself but I can tell you it's a great place with people who really understand what depression feels like and want to help each other. Stick with it. The chat room is a wonderful place and if you PM (private message) with someone you'll be surprised how much empathy can be built up.There's nothing wrong with being scared or depressed it's just horrible as we all know. Don't be ashamed of your feelings within yourself or here. OK the wider community may not be the place to open up but that's 'cos they don't understand. What is normal? Here depression is the norm - that's the whole point. Things can change - that's how life works. For now I'd suggest being kind to yourself, eating well and getting some fresh air and exercise if you can. Also try to find something that interests you and see if you can do a little of that activity everyday. Take CareJohn