5.27.2009

i see so clearly points of light, little dots connecting one by one by one.

how beautiful they look, twinkling back at me, saying: look...see...feel.

and in this moment, i know. I KNOW. i know i will create an amazing and magical life for myself. know i will be surrounded by love and joy. i know everything is perfection around me. i know all is well so deep down within my soul, my being, my heart that it is all i can see and feel and radiate. life is glorious. i am so blessed to be here right now, in this time on earth, going through all of these changes. i am so grateful to be awake in this dreamland.

i am so sure about it all in this moment. it is so clear. the birds chirp happily outside, the flowers blow in the breeze and give off their floral scent mixtures, the sun shines and the clouds float lazily by, the windchimes play a soft melodic tune. how can this not be heaven?

and when i look back at all of those little shining stars that mark times in my life that lead me here, right here to this place of perfection, and how synchronistic they are, how perfectly they link--how can i not be sure that its all going exactly, precisely the way its supposed to?

5.12.2009

i am so ready. so ready to create everything for my own life. so ready to stop following everything that has been laid out forever. ready to break out of belief systems. ready to not give a shit about what any one else thinks anymore. i'm ready to break out of all of that & move forward. into darkness, the unknown, fear. i'm ready to stop planning for everything and just freaking BE. live on the wild side. push the limits. i'm ready to pare down. eat food we grow. live simple. my gut is raw and pulling. on fire. i'm so excited for this change. i'm so joyful for the next step. i am so in love with my life and the beautiful people in it. its time to expand those boundries. expand myself. its time to let go of my securities. let go. its time to go.

5.08.2009

So last night, we all went out as a family to Azteca for dinner. Bub, in his usual 7 ½ year old way, starts chuckling when Andy said a cuss word (I don’t even know what he said or why, probably dropped his fork or something). It’s then that I realize that lately Bub cracks up whenever someone curses. And I, being the brilliant and good mother that I am, decide to ask him about it.

Me: Son, why do you laugh when you hear a bad word?

Bub: I don’t know, it’s just funny.

Me: What is your favorite curse word?

Bub: (giggling) I like them all.

Me: I know you do, stinker. But why?

Bub: (looking up at me, his big brown eyes sparkling) I don’t know, Mom. It’s just funny. Like when you say the BS word.

Me: What? (Sure he was only talking about his foul-mouthed father) I don’t say the BS word!

Bub: Yeah, you do. When you’re on the phone with daddy.

(now everyone at the table is howling)

Me: I do?

Bub: Yep. All the time. (He touches my arm sweetly).

Me: (coughing) I plead the fifth.

Bub: And when you say the DS word.

Me: The DS word?

Bub: Yeah, when you’re driving. It’s like the BS word, but you change the bull part with dumb.

Me: (thinking he’s probably right with that one, but having no good retort) Huh.

Bub: And (laughing) when you use the D word. You say that one when you’re mad.