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I think I’ve been Californicated.

For those of you unfamiliar with Californication, I suggest you indulge. After finishing the series I cannot help but relate to hank moody and distinctly know where he’s going wrong or right by experience. The brilliance, wit and kander of hank moody is constantly met with literal misfortune and innocent decisions that always take a turn for the worse. He is constantly reminded of how he can’t get his shit together, yet is regarded by most as successful. But whenever he is there’s something that pulling him back, something that is beyond his control but yet is at the mercy of. There is an indisputable sense of talent and ambition; a sense of awareness; a realist with a sense of what perfect is. He knows the love of his life is in front of him but simply comes around too late and can’t figure it out. It’s always one more chance or one last time yet like the boy who cried wolf when it actually was time, Karen was long gone. Just when things are going right his wife and daughter begin to cut him out or an outrageous coincidence happens. He can’t save himself from what seems to be deus ex macchina just ruining the day. The instant feeling of replacement shocks hank. He realizes they’re happier without him and let’s them go because he’s as Becca put it “out of the picture.” Hank vilifies himself instead to protect her happiness and keep her away. It’s this interesting moment where one weighs their own happiness with that of whom they love. It goes completely against his creed, to never give up. But when it’s there in front of you, one can only ask themselves, what greater love is there to sacrifice ones own selfish happiness for the happiness of your other. Hank shares another trait. The knack for indirectly pushes those he loves away. He is constantly in battle with the person who loves him most and has gotten to the point where he’s hurt her so much she cannot forgive him or herself in order to be with him. And unfortunately, the same is slowly happening to his daughter. Somehow, maybe for the sake of the show, they’ve held on for years, 16 in Karen’s case. But in my experience these situations end during the queens of dog town scene at whiskeys where Hank is quickly replaced by the nice guy with all the right words, a simple surrender at the obvious and sacred joy that hank is no longer a part of. So as Hank as well as many leaves, he has nothing.