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Friday, May 20, 2011

How do you know the difference between "taking a rest" and "being scared"???? That's what I'm asking myself this morning as I ponder the fact that I haven't run once this entire week! Let me go back just a bit to last Saturday. I had a planned 6 mile run on the schedule and I was flying solo that day since my running buddies were either rehabbing an injury or participating in a mud run. The weather was really perfect for a run, if a bit breezy, but the run just completely and totally STANK from beginning to end. I think I ended up doing just over 2.5 miles in over 30 minutes. That is a horrible time for me! I walked major portions of it and no matter what I just couldn't get in the groove and finally quit the punishment and called it quits to head home with my tail between my legs.

So this week I've managed an excuse every single run day. I can't even remember what the reason on Tuesday was, but Monday was a HORRIBLE, emotional day due to stress with my daughter, so I think I was just spent beyond belief. Thursday I was tired from being at Disneyland the day before and even though sleep-wise I could have done it, physical-wise my body was tired and I really didn't want another bad run. So I can't help but ask myself now, am I finding excuses because I'm scared of having another bad run? Yes, I think I am.

In all reality, I'm pretty overwhelmed right now and I don't think I am really addressing the fact that I have a lot of turmoil (hmmm...maybe not the best word...upheaval? transition? uncertainty? Any of those could work just as well. LOL) in my life and it is spilling over into everything else. I'm shutting down and we all know that isn't the most appropriate way of handling stress. That definitely isn't the quality way of doing it anyways.

So this is what I need to do:

Take a good hard look at what is uncertain/causing stress - perhaps write a list of everything that is on my mind (some of these things include: full house, 10k in two weeks, money, work, teaching, family relations between...oh everybody, pending b-day, garden that needs to be planted after I weed the land since it's already been more than 2 weeks since it was prepped, and more!)

Start planning solutions to those stressors - this includes creating task-lists because those just work for me...I love the satisfaction of getting things crossed off and prioritizing it

Give myself some scheduled "me" time outside of exercise...this one I have a harder time doing because I take about an hour a day for me (usually when I'm not making excuses) and as a mother/wife/everything else extraordinaire, it's always hard to actually take time for me

Clarify plans for the 10k...who's camping, when are we leaving, how long are we staying, who's bringing what...in other words, what's the PLAN

Get the house in order...when my house is clean and uncluttered, my brain is so much less cluttered too!

Slow down and enjoy my run tomorrow. It may not be great, but I need to just let my mind and body go and enjoy myself. I need a good run and if I push it too hard, it will be everything I don't need it to be. The plan is a virtual 10k and I'm good with that...but it might not (okay, will pretty much NOT be) be at race pace and, you know what? That's OKAY! Really, it is...the actual race isn't until June 4.

What it all boils down to is that I need to not let fear and stress become what decides my life and what my attitude and behavior towards it will be. It's time to grab the horse by the reins and drive it where I need it to go instead of letting it run wild! Because instead of danger signs I need more of this: