Forget praying, forget being optimistic, forget being anything but TRUTHFUL. I learnt that the hard way, because lying gets you nowhere. I’ve always been an asshole, I admit it, but I never thought of myself as a liar. I’ve never been religious, I’ve never prayed or gone to church, except on occasions, but yet I never thought that mattered. To me,reaching out to God and being religious is achieved through finding oneself. If you can dig deep down into yourself and be a good person, that’s all that matters. You can’t move along in this world on bullshit. If you bullshit, you only bullshit yourself, and you will be the only one to reap the consequences. I’ve never always lied to hide something from someone, but recently I turned into that person. I found it easier to hide something than just lay it out in the open, and that cost me the dearest thing to my heart.

I started this blog because I went too far, I was too dishonest to the people that meant the most to me, and now I’m writing this post to admit it, to tell everyone who I really was for the last few years of my life. Was, who the fuck am I kidding, I probably still am that exact same person.

To the people I most hurt, I want to apologize. Sorry won’t do shit, an apology won’t do anything either. I lost what I lost and now all I have is myself. Me sitting alone at home lying to myself, being miserable.

It’s still the start of ’09, and I’m going to work on myself. All aspects of my life, and hopefully in a few months I can stop lying to myself, stop lying to my friends, and to the people I love. I have no idea why I shared this with everyone who’s going to view my blog, but I guess it’s the only way to get it off my shoulders. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, right now I am nothing but a liar, and until I can get myself together, I will not admit otherwise.

In the end, let me just tell each and every one of you guys, don’t lie! It won’t get you anywhere, it’ll just bite you in the ass and strip your life of everything you have.

7 responses to “The man I am.”

talk about deep.. well i knew who u were in the past.. u were like a big fluffy pile of dog crap that went sour.. u gotta go back to being the pile of coolness again man.. dont worry i’ll be here every step of the way 🙂