Archive for January, 2013

I had to start the new year with a new year post!!! Its the first day of the first month of a new year, what kind of blogger would I be if I don’t wish my family over here in blogsville a happy new year?!.. So I have to do this quickly so I can go back to the healthy piece of chicken drum I was feasting on! Happy new year mi hearties!!

I’m glad we made it mehn!! If you’ve ever seen the movie ‘2012’ you would know that we are real survivors!. I’m just writting as it comes so please pardon any form of senselessness and digression. The title of this post may somewhat be misleading, it popped into my head while I was trying to deeply meditate on the befiting title to give to this collection of mumbo jumbo, when Mother dearest with all her love called me to wash dinner plates!! WHAT!!! I was furious!! ‘A WHOLE ME!!!’ What a condescending chore! Imagine o!. When I just got my nails done and well coated with glossy pepper red!! Haba!! That reminds me, while at the salon yesterday, I had a whole ‘keeping up with the Kardasians’ Therapy session in my head, and I concluded that Kim is just a jealous b*%@#! The only reason she married Kris Humphries, was because Khloe got married to her incredible hunk of a man, but things couldn’t work out because the Kim-Kris love was a fake publicity stunt!! And no, just because Kourtney has 2 kids, Kim’s decided to get a baby with Kanye!!!, Ha!! Yea I feel like a detective right now!! :D. Anyway, as I was rambling, this post is not about my halfness or wholeness (P:S I’m whole!) But its my blog and I name it whatever I desire! :p

I hope everyone had a good New Year Day, I had fun, I ate so much, my stomach began to sweat!! (No jokes!!). Come to think of it, I’m actually getting fatter by the day!Noooo!! Not this fat!! God Forbid!This one ate a whole Chinese village!! Let’s change the topic,my appetitte has been ruined. Lets get down to the moral lesson of this post. Truth is, I’m really tired of new year resolutions! Last year, I made a lot of resolutions among which was to stop saying things I don’t mean, Oh lord, if I had a naira for every time I told some shrek-like human ‘cute avi’, I might have bought that new ipone 5!.. Anyhoo, lets leave bygones, so I solemnly swore; after I realised that I did the exact opposite of all the resolutions I made, that I’d stop making resolutions. 2012 really went awry. I was involved in alot of dastardly acts and I’m sure I did somethings that are probably illegal in some countries. But all in all (As this is not a reminiscent post), I learnt a lot as you can see in

This post is my list of NEW YEAR NOT TO DO! Yes hunnay you read right.. I’m going straight to the point.

* Dont do NOTHING!

Yea..its sounds stupid, but this not to do is quite important. People just like to lay fallow and not do anything. Maybe a minor setback in life, waiting for WAEC result, waiting for NYSC, once there is a little free time, dont be like the Rich fool in the bible,be productive, start something, sing something, dance something, write something, DO something! Nothing is ever a waste!! Entrepreneurship is trending at the moment, take charge and achieve something!!.

* Dont sit on your ass all day!. Apart from the inspirational aspect of this point, it is also not fitness and medically wise to actually sit on your ass all day!. Not only will you be at risk of obesity, but you are going to have really black ass! (medically proven!!)

*Dont forget your OFF line friends.

While you’re so busy setting and pressing p, and meeting frozen Keeds abi cool kids, dont forget your real friend, your padi padi!. That your friend that your borrowed her bumshorts to go for twitter party or that your guy that you used his iphone to snap mirror pishur…Dont forget them o! Keep your friends close, good friends o, not the one that will go and cook ewedu soup for your boyfriend when you’re not around!!

*Dont NOT buy new pants…Buy pants! Its healthy, its nutritio-sorry, its important!

*DONT

NUFF SAID!!!

*Dont wear a striped shirt on a pair of stripped trousers.

*Dont take a guy who only smiles at you when he sees your posterior serious!

*Dont judge a book by its cover, judge it by the price tag, Dont judge a guy by his display pictures and amount of twitter followers..(Put mouth and body odour into consideration!)

*Dont enter a house without finding out if there are dogs or wild chickens in there first..

Brethren, I’m now running out of ideas and feeling really sleepy. For more NOT TO DOs please refer to the Holy Bible, The 10 Commandments are there for you.

A big new year kiss to all the afore mentioned (pardon my breath, I just ate pringles onion bossom :&) Thanks for keeping my first few months on blogville inspiring and for expanding my ‘readability’ 😀

A prosperous new year to every one else, You can anticipate much more posts, I’m here to publish!!

I hope I’ve been able to convince you , and not confuse you that fathers are better than mothers!!