I write about my husband, who also is my Master and about our relationship, in which I am his slavegirl. We practise DD and have learned that it helps us a lot. Apart from that, you'll find my opinions on everything, like sex, sessions, music, people, more on relationships, sorrows, hopes and whatever else I want to write about.
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Now!

Shoo! Shoo!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Awful Saturday

This
morning was really tough. Not because there was a problem between hubby and me,
no, well in a way maybe because hubby was not there. Somehow it is my own fault.
I don’t know. But it left me flustered all day.

I’ll try to
organize the series of events, so that my whining is comprehensible. Hubby was
out in town, at work. No problem for me, because I could do everything the way
I want to. Yeah, you can absolutely eat from the thoroughly cleaned floors, but
this morning I was more in baby’s room to sort things. Again, I love that and I
am in love with the tiny clothes.

The doorbell
rang. Thoughtless me waddled downstairs and simply opened. A woman and a
teenager? What could they want? They asked for shoes, they were obviously doing
that professionally. We always give our old clothes, shoes, furniture and all
sorts of things to charity. There is no money involved, when we don’t need
things, we pass them on to someone who can put them to good use. I told them.
They did not go away. They talked on, the woman held the door open, one hand first, both hands almost immediately after. But at
least they couldn’t come in, because I was standing half in the doorway. I
became pretty agitated, told them to go, several times, and also threatened to
call the police. They simply would not let me close our own door. Either I am physically
stronger than I think or they were afraid of pushing right through me.

By the
way, in week 34 you can forget virtually all you know about self-defense. I
wanted to protect my belly and I wanted this darn door closed. Actually I had
put my weight against the door, but the woman still held against from the
outside. I was getting louder, as in really loud, but NOT hysterical (!), and
finally a neighbor was outside and on his way because he saw I needed help.

Those two
ran away immediately. Ok, under different circumstances I’d have called the
police, but all I could do in that same moment was sit down on the floor. I was
so agitated that I could not even breathe, instead I was only gasping for
breath. I thought I felt every single vein, pumping like mad.

My neighbor
gave me a plastic bag, because he thought I might hyperventilate. Clever man, I
was gasping and white as chalk. Maybe he was right, it has happened several
years ago. I think the bag helped a little, and meanwhile the police were
underway too.

And then
the contractions started…

The first
time I only thought ‘what’s going on now?!’ And then it came again, within maybe
one or two minutes. I panicked in this moment, because this whole “§$%&§&”!§
with those two had left me a mess. I thought I’d have baby now within the next
moment. I called my doc and our neighbor called an ambulance. My doc won. She
was there first, the contractions were still there, but not becoming stronger. I
had only moved from the floor onto a step, because I felt too wobbly to move
more and tried breathing more controlled. Well, I had to breathe, because before my doctor arrived, my neighbor
had wanted me to lie down on my back on the floor, against shock.’ Uhm hello? I simply can’t! I’d
pass out immediately from that’, I thought and told him. But controlled
breathing worked, a short time later, doc and neighbor brought me to the sofa, put me down there, legs
up, more sideways, so that I looked as if I was glued to the backrest of the
sofa, but it was ok. In a way, I got talked out of feeling bad, and right when
the ambulance arrived, I was actually beginning to be much better again. I thought they
could give me my vitamins and go again, but I was wrong there.

Everybody,
doc, neighbor and three paramedics thought it was better to bring me to hospital
for a thorough check up. The contractions had almost stopped again, but doc and
the medics wanted to make sure all would be good. I would have denied that, but
there was this slightly stabbing kind of pain and I was afraid that baby was
hurt or I’d have a home birth right after they’d leave, and therefore thought I’d
better agree. Oh and of course (!) I had to go to the loo so urgently by then. At
least it was only my doc who went with me and waited outside, door half open.
Otherwise it would have been one of the paramedics. They would not even let me
walk to their ambulance. My personal medical slaves hauled me in there like a queen.

So, I had a
free ride to hospital, hubby was on his way, too, and only late in the afternoon could we leave again. Hubby never left my side, and he was only happy that baby
and I were ok. The contractions were gone by the time we had arrived in
hospital and never came back. I was told that they were a symptom for stress ….
Duh! Now, how might that possibly have happened?! There was no bleeding, I am all closed (not dilated), and the scan showed baby was in perfect position to pop out of me any minute. Everything concerning baby was according to the rules; don't know where baby learned them so well.

As you can imagine, I am absolutely happy
that everything turned out this way and baby is fine. That’s all that matters.

The
hospital staff would have loved to keep me there, but there was no reason left,
only that the hospital had one or two beds empty. Therefore we went home again,
on the promise that I’d rest and try to relax. (By that time I could barely
wait to return to our nursery, it is a little bit like playing with dolls, very
relaxing for me)

In the car
I told hubby that I was waiting to be scolded for my stupidity. But he simply
couldn’t. He said that I had been scolding myself more than enough during the
last hours, without his adding to it and he was only happy that we were well. Oh
my, this left me with mixed emotions, but it was also a trigger to release all
the tension that I still had in me.

In a way I
would have loved him to scold me, because I connect this with the structure
and rituals that we follow. I know what to expect then, it would have helped to
settle everything and to give me my balance and peace. On the other hand, I don’t
know if I could have taken any of that and it might have upset me again, too. Besides,
I think that he reproaches himself because this happened in his house. He hasn’t
said anything like that yet, but he doesn’t like it when he cannot influence
events, and he is pretty protective, so having intruders in his territory, definitely vexes him a lot.

Maybe his answer was much better than my request. I am happy because he has been so understanding, but also a little bit confused, because in such moments I feel just how much being held accountable and being disciplined helps. I don't know if this makes much sense.

Anyway, I tried to
get my additional rest, but all I could do was eat two cookies. Hubby has been
around, we have talked about this and somewhere under what he wants to let me
see, I think he is restless. Not really too worried, though. The police have
video footage, but hubby does not believe they’ll catch anybody. It’s holiday
season here and every year we have gangs of burglars swarming the city and the
regions around. According to hubby, those two belonged to one of those gangs.
After a while they’ll disappear again.

I did not
get reprimanded, only got one single reminder, to look first, before opening
the door. Never risk baby and my well-being. Easy to follow, I’d think, but
then again, this Saturday showed I was not able to do this.

Maybe I
have somewhere on my forehead a sign saying “she’s stupid”, and it seems I do
not even have to leave the house to attract problems either. We live in a decent
neighbourhood in a big city. There are few problems, our house is pretty safe,
because hubby knows a lot about such things, and then I ruin it all, by opening
that stupid door. I could have looked who’s there first. I don’t do such things
intentionally, but like this morning, I had not even thought about finding out
who’s there. Besides, it would not have helped, because they did not look dangerous
and I would have openedthe door even
after checking first.

Originally
I had thought whether we could have a cat once baby is there. If I want one
now, it has to be the size of a tiger. I think I want a dog now. A big one,
like those you could almost mistake for a horse. I want it trained to open our frontdoor,
if possible. And I want the dog to go by the name of Mimi, because this sounds so cute and harmless. And then I want to see burglars run away from the cute little giant dog. And I want to catch that on video so that I can put it onto youtube and everybody knows that they ran away from a dog with such a cute name. Sorry, I am tired.

This one would do --> Mimi

It is late
here by now (midnight), and up to now I have been obedient and tried to rest,
but I cannot sleep. The usual stuff. Writing this down was relaxing and I’ll
get my warm milk and hide in a heap of cushions. Hubby is here, with him around I wouldn’t
mind if all doors were open, because I feel safe with him.

Sorry for
my whining, and I wish you all have a happy and peaceful weekend!

12 comments
:

how scary for you. I''m glad you and your baby are okay. Braxton Hicks can be brought on by stress. I had my own crisis at 25 weeks and ended up in the delivery room having drugs to stop them. the more they flapped about me the worst the contractions got. Eventually a senior doc decided I wasn't in labour and sent everyone away. Turned out my fibroid was breaking down. Things settled down and I went home. I had c section in the end. BH can be very realistic, they fooled my doctors.A safety chain would allow you to open the door a crack. Very useful for strangers.big hugsDF

Hi DF, this morning all is fine again, I think. I get a very few (4 or 5) BH contractions during the day, but that has been normal for months, and I can recognize them for what they are. Yesterday was more intense and slightly more painful. Haha, I went to my doc once, too, because I thought I was in labour, but she calmed me. Took her some time to see that they are only BH, too. Being in a delivery room with week 25 sounds terrible, (and I was afraid of something like that happening), because it is so early that baby is still at risk. I am so glad that everything was ok with you and your baby and you could go home again. If possible, I don't want a c section, we even had changed clinics, because there was one where the responsible surgeon tried to persuade me that this would be best. My midwife and my own doc told me there is no reason at all for a c section in my case, apart from the surgeon earning a lot of money with it! If I cannot trust those who are there to help, I go to someone I can trust more.

Oh, the safety chain .... yeah, it was dangling down and in my view all the time; we have that, but I never used it... facepalm-moment, I know. I think I am not going to forget using it ever again.

One advantage of the NHS, they're not going to do unnecessary surgery. When my German cousin had a bad accident, the hospital wanted to keep him in while my uncle wanted to transfer him to a rehab centre. They wanted the money, not what was best for my cousin. C-sections were necessary for me and I knew they were going to happen from the beginning of the pregnancy.

Hi DF, true, this is a big problem here, I am not an expert, but from personal experience I know that they often do unnecessary surgery here. I know some clinics in Hamburg and around where I'd never go for delivery, because they always try to make the women to have a c-section, even if there is no real reason. If it is necessary, sure, I'd not object at all, and I know who I'd trust here with this diagnosis. But some surgeons scare the hell out of preggos to have them agree and that's awful. NHS definitely has advantages!

Oh Nina, I'm sorry you went through that, how scary! I'm so glad all is well with you and baby and that your neighbour showed at the right time to help. Glad too that hubby was so understanding, although I do get what you said about feeling confused by it.

Don't be too hard on yourself. As you said, you would probably have opened the door if you had checked as they didn't look threatening. Love the idea of the dog and name lol

Hi Roz, this really was scary, but today everything is much better again. Most of the time we even had good weather and this meant hammock time, because I am actually supposed to rest a little. The doctors were serious about that, my own even called me today, just to make sure. With some sleep, I am quite happy that hubby did not scold me. I think I wouldn't have taken it well, but it would still feel better, in a way, to have this part of our discipline, just to get over it. I feel the lack of this a lot, lately. It is still there, but so reduced, because hubby and I have seen that sometimes our old way of doing dd simply wouldn't work right now, with me as a fuzzy brainer and my bump. So, we are on the same page with that, but we both want it back, because we feel better with spanking and being held more accountable. Yep, I would have opened the door, even after checking, but I never ever thought about the safety chain. DF mentioned it, we have one, for front and backdoor, so I really could have prevented all this. I hope we will have a dog in the not far away future. I think it is good for children to have pets around, and a big one like Mimi would also help our family to be safe. I'd love that, but cannot imagine having one now, because we'll need some time to adapt when baby is there.

Oh Nina! This is really awful! My heart goes out to you. I could NOT imagine dealing with something like that - especially at 34 weeks! Ugh! I usually look before I open the door, but only because I'm running daycare and wonder if it's my food program worker or inspector. I'm not sure that I would do it so reliably on a Saturday. Even then, I'm sure I still would've opened the door unless someone looked really off. Lord knows how many sales people I've had to tell no repeatedly before they go away. I definitely don't think you have anything to beat yourself up over. You've been through enough. I'm just glad that you and baby are safe as is your DH and wonderful to hear how attentive he was to you.

I so get you on the dog. Since ours passed away in February we've been dogless, which drives me nuts. But anyways, our dog was the most harmless sweet thing ever. She was a basset hound and just looked pathetic, but from behind a closed door she had this really deep bark that sounded menacing. The only thing is if anyone actually had ever got in she would've just licked them to death! But she still made me feel safer when DH wasn't home. I like the idea of a large breed dog with a cutesy name. I could totally see us doing that...lol!

I hope you're getting plenty of rest and relaxation after all that stress.

Hi Rose, I have not really been good at looking before opening, but I am learning and have even used the safety chain today. I will get used to it... I hope. I'll try hard, even if it is only to set a positive example, since I don't believe this will happen again. And if it does, I want to have a little pet like Mimi to clear the situation for me! First of all, I want hubby to be there then, because he could end such troubles, too, but these things tend to happen in the very wrong moments. I am so sorry about your dog and even though I'd currently choose a big one, I'd actually prefer one of the smaller ones, because they can be so cute. Not really a good deterrent, but too cute to resist. :) I can imagine us getting a small, family friendly dog too, though the best idea would probably be a giant dog with the friendliest heart ever. And long sharp teeth, for the times when hubby is away from home.

Have you ever looked into Newfoundlands. I've spent time researching dog breeds. They're one of the giant breeds - massive. But they're supposed to be really wonderful with children. Apparently, the original Peter Pan Nanny was a Newfoundland, but then that was later changed to a St. Bernard. A Newf sure would look threatening to an invader though!

Hi Rose, they look like teddy bears for me. But they could be a good idea for us. With a dog, hubby would also let me walk/jog through the fields again, one of those would surely work. I would love to do a training course with such a lovely looking dog. Do you know whether babies get used to barking dogs quickly? If it is like with other noise, then they would. I slept peacefully every time my mom switched on the vacuum cleaner next to me. :)

Hi Nina,That experience sounds awful! I can't blame you though, because who would ever think that some crazy people would come to your door demanding shoes and not leave?! That sounds preposterous to me, not anything you could have predicted. So sorry that I haven't been around much, but I do hope that you are able to stay as stress free as possible :-)Love,River

River, first of all, I am very very sorry that I am so late in answering, I simply did not notice that you had commented. Urgh, this should better not have happened at all. I appreciate so much that you come here and comment, if I don't reply, it is like not answering a phone call or not opening the door to a friend. I am really so sorry. LoL, suddenly my stress level was high up, but making amends brings it down again. :-D

The two women were absolutely awful, I have had bad dreams from that afterwards, but it is better. We are seriously thinking about a big dog, once we have adapted to living with baby, since hubby and I think that would create additional security for us, especially for baby and me, because hubby is less worried than I am. (and he is seriously miffed because he was not there to prevent all this)I hope you are really fine and also have a stress free time. Should I better say stress reducing time, because of the return of the everyday spankings? I know that I commented on your entry, but I better go and look again, because I am really embarrassed about missing your comment here and don't want to add more thoughtlessness to that. Sorry and ...