The frogs that caused that explosion were not typical frogs. They were super-ultra top-secret weaponized bullfrogs with bionic jaws which had escaped from a research lab. The alterations made to them were not genetic in nature, so they were not passed down to subsequent generations. There is nothing to fear from using frogs to patrol the trans-space power cord.

By they way, did you know that Arco, Idaho was originally known as Root Hog, Idaho?

On August 29, 1945, 250,000 pounds of explosives (that's a lot!) exploded outside the town of Arco, Idaho. Frogs in the Lost River wetlands had "lipped" power cables in the Naval Proving Ground and caused "the largest non-nuclear explosion" in history.

Acme, rodents have been known to chew through power cords. If we're going to leave power cord sentry duty up to "lower" life forms, it'd probably be better to go with frogs. They only have lips. And they come equipped with sticky tongues with which to ensnare the invading hordes.

Earth Statutes 10.342, Chap. 47, ¶81, §25B:Anyone failing to assist in the defense of the Sun shall be deprived of the benefits of said Sun for a period of no less that thirty (30) days and no more than thirty (30) years, as measured by the rotation of the Earth (a/k/a Terra, et al.) and shall be fined as much as the market shall bear and more, and bear all the costs of the prosecution of said individual or individuals, and said individual or individuals shall spend much time looking like this.

There's really no need for a draft, or even a mass mobilization. Since the invaders' goal is to turn off the sun, Earth could be more effectively defended by elite forces trained to defend the switch and the power cord.

Of course, that power cord is 93 million miles long. If every able-bodied adult human on the planet were to be drafted, that would provide a defensive force of roughly 40 defenders per mile of power cord, or one every 132 feet. And that's assuming they're all awake at the same time. Pretty slim coverage there....

I take back what I said about a draft not being necessary. Not only do we need to draft every available human, but we need to draft all the dogs and cats as well. Let's just see those invaders try to snip the power cord where it's being guarded by a vicious Shih Tzu!

See if you get your enlistment bonus, Amos! It will be sent to the Aid to Lower Slobovian Veterans of the Great Sun Shutdown War (ALSVGSSW). Like you, many of them suffer from nyctophobia and yet they have and will fight those who would shut off our Sun. Unlike you many also suffer from heliophobia, causing them to shun "the limelight" and although many are also wonderful singers and performers on the Slobovian Pyrophone without equal anywhere, they do not perform in public as they also suffer the enochlophobia. Your enlistment bonus, "The Earth's Shilling" as it is called, will be used to help these veterans have a full and meaningful like.

It seems a shame and I hate to do it, but I have to set the record straight: Rapparree has not been authorized to start recruitment actions on his own, and in fact was specifically prohibited from doing so after a very unsuccessful misadventure a year sgo. An experiment he dreamed up which resulted in the Corps being inundated with left-handed Slobovian vegans suffering from myopia and restless leg syndrome. There were hundreds of them, lining up restlessly, wanting to sign on to ensure they would be regularly fed their peculiar diet of kale trimmings and dark leafy green sauces. It was a logistic catastrophe which set the strategic planning of the Corps back sixteen months.

Unlike other military, paramilitary, or quasi-military organizations, you get to choose from a daily menu. If you wish something that's not on the menu (and it's quite extensive) you can request something else and it will be prepared for you, to any specifications you request. For instance, surf-and-turf from grass-fed, free range cattle and fresh lobster from the cold waters of coastal Maine and the Canadian Maritimes are always a favorite when partnered with a 1988 Pol Roger Sir Winston Churchill, with a simple creme brulee and a good sherry or port for dessert. Here are examples from today's dinner menu:

I think I've solved the "vegetarian taco pasta" mystery. Forget the "vegetarian" part. It's irrelevant. Almost anything can be made meatless (except meat). The mysterious part is the "taco pasta". I bet it's just pasta with a Mexican-tasting sauce instead of Italian-tasting. Ergo, taco pasta. Tastes like a taco. Looks like spaghetti.

However, having deciphered the term's meaning does not mean I would want to eat it. My enlistment in The Legion is contingent upon an ironclad guarantee that I will not be compelled to eat vegetarian taco pasta under any circumstances short of "Eat this shit or you'll die of starvation. It's the last thing in the MRE package. You already ate the toilet paper and the wet-wipe."

Teetotalers can join the defense of Earth. Teas available range from Tieguanyin to Tetley's. Coffees range from Jamaica Blue Mountain to Folger's coffee bags to stuff left over the WWII C-rations to "Coffee Essence" from the US Civil War.

Alcoholic beverages (should anyone want such during off-duty hours, of course) include, but are not limited to, Old Granddad, Macallan 40 Year Old Sherry Cask Highland Single Malt Scotch, Bookers, Midleton Dair Ghaelach, and 2011 10 year old Loch Dhu. Your pick, and the distillers have donated their wares for the defense of Earth.

The recruiting office is open. We suggest enlistment, as a draft is next, and then the press gangs go to work.

As for the uniforms and the chinstraps, that is a picture of the Legion Parade Guard, a group of strange people chosen for their extermely obsessive-compulsive ways. They are let out only for parades, and thus allow the real Legion members to get on about the business of defending Earth. I mean, would YOU want one of those with you when you are fighting for your planet's life, not to mention your own?

As a non-drinker, I do not participate in Mudcat Tavern threads. It's a bit silly for someone who has not had a drink for 27 years to pretend to do so in imaginary on-line watering holes featuring Jello pits and giant squid. However, please feel free to start such a thread if you desire.

Or start a Mudcat Coffee Shop thread. No guarantee I'll participate in that one either. Seems like most coffee shops have followed Starbucks' lead in making their coffee strong enough to lift a Toyota. Keep the coffee potable and the prices reasonable and I'll think about it. Maybe.

Well, while the Imperious Rapturous Rapparee Rex is motivating the recruits, and the dates cited begin in July, perhaps the solstice would be an opportune time for a

MIDSUMMER MUDCAT TAVERN 2017?

No such thread has been started -- just a suggestion. The recruits have to spend June doing something besides fighting the filthy flies (national month thereof), and those of us who are hors de combat might want to give them a right old send-off.

Smarties are a colour-varied sugar-coated chocolate confectionery. They have been manufactured since 1937,[1] originally by H.I. Rowntree & Company in the UK, and are currently produced by Nestlé.

As for the chin straps, the whole headgear reminds me of those fancy horses with the little plume woven into the mane and having a bit in it's it's mouth. Obvious, the fashion designer had some sort of bestiality and/or S&M fetish. I actually find the sight of this degrading and disturbing. Do they have Casual Fridays?

Why does that "full menu of appetizing, delicious meals" look so familiar? Wait! I know! It's because it's exactly the same as what's in a box of MREs! Sounds like all the "cooks" do is open the MRE packets and heat them on a stove instead of having the troops heat them with their own just-add-water chemical heaters. Probably means the "cooks" keep all the Skittles and M&Ms for themselves.

And what's the deal with those "chinstraps" that only come down to the mouth? Someone run short on leather?

You will not have to eat MREs unless you really, really want to. A full menu of appetizing, delicious meals is served2. Dishes you will be served include the franks and beans you loved as a kid, beef patties, tortellini, enchiladas, chow mein, chicken a la king, beef stew, and spicy penne pasta, to name but a few!

You will be armed with a selection of ray guns, blasters, destructors, photon swords, phasers, and other weapons. Of course, you will be trained in their use! If you are accepted into the Exterior Guard, you will be suitably kitted out for whatever mission you are assigned to!

1. Not related to or part of the famous Idaho Legion. 2. When combat or other conditions permit.

Information has come to light that on July 10 Pluto will be in full opposition to Earth because of its demotion to a "dwarf planet"! On July 20 the Moon, Venus, and Aldebaran will meet, and on July 25 the Moon, Mercury, and Regulus will meet! On August 7 the Moon will dim and on August 11

THE BOMBARDMENT OF EARTH BEGINS!!

After ten days of the rain of death from the heavens, on August 21, this Coalition of evil extraterrestrial powers will attack by

It weeps. In fact, there was a semi-famous band during the 1960s known as "The Weeping Welkins". They came from Walla Walla, Washington. They were a bit of a one-hit-wonder. Their only top-40 radio hit was a song called "Wild, Wild Women". They disbanded in 1974 and retired to a ranch in western Wyoming, where they raise wallabies.

It was a grand evening scarfing up steak and vino rojo at Janie's place with visiting musicians making the welkin ring. That reminds me--in the grand tradition of the great Canadian Rick Fielding, I am going to patent a Welkin Damper. It is a specially designed cloth which fits snugly behind the welkin in order to make its ring less penetrating, so the neighbors won't complain about all those musicians making their welkin ring. What Fielding did for banjo's, I have done for Welkins, and their ilk. If welkins even have an ilk, of which I am not certain. I am contributing all profits from the Welkin Damper to Mom so she can buy flotation devices.

Third time's the charm - maybe after this the boys will wake up out on the porch swings or in the barn and stagger toward the computer and give MOM a lift. Must've been a rough Saturday night. MOM, have some tea and granola. This new one has white chocolate and macadamia nuts. Gluten free.

I'll cut to the chase, here: when I was a kid you could buy a 5¢ or 10¢ bag of m&ms, just like you could buy those sizes of Milky Way, Baby Ruth, and much more. The different sizes may be available still, but the prices are much farther apart.

Smarties candy has been made by the Smarties Candy Co. of New Jersey since 1949. They are a tablet-shaped candy suitable for vegans. The company, which started as Ce De Candy, is now and has always been family owned.

The M&M style of candy to which gnu refers has been made since 1937, and cannot be marketed in the US (which has pure food and drug laws). The company is owned by Nestle, which was the subject of a boycott by the Council of Canadians last year and which has had several other boycotts against it over the years.

Sure, M&Ms are owned by Mars, but Mars doesn't bottle water during droughts.

I also was a firstborn (spell checker says that spelling is okay) and my two younger siblings always got the tan M&Ms. I always kept the cherished red ones for myself.

Since both of the aforementioned siblings were girls, I was expressly prohibited from inflicting physical pain upon them. That left mental pain as the only form of torture available, and tan M&Ms were useful tools toward that end.

Oh, I would occasionally deign to award one of them a red M&M as reward for a particularly obsequious act. It was gratifying to hear them say, "Oh thank you, Big Brother! We are not worthy!"

When tan M&Ms were replaced with blue ones in 1995, it changed the entire dynamic of childhood. The unwanted tans were replaced by a highly desirable color. Children who have grown up since then have experienced total M&M parity. Where are tomorrow's leaders going to come from when they don't have tan M&Ms to help make them into domineering assholes?

Bee-Dubya, as a first-born I find you plan for tan M&Ms to be unnecessary. The First Born (typographically correct here) is the perfection of genetics, having had the first choice of genetic material. The First Born contains within him- or her- self all that is good and decent, as well as useful and beautiful, form following function, straight and narrow, and is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. The epitome of the true meaning of chivalry, a rustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Indeed, the First Born had this song originally written about them.

Hi, Mom! I'm considering starting an on-line petition to reintroduce tan M&Ms. Why? Because they're ugly! They were the least desirable color, even worse than chocolate. Younger siblings being forced to eat tan M&Ms while the older kids got the pretty colors was standard behavior in most families for years. Tan M&Ms helped to create several generations of cruel, overbearing firstborns and vindictive, conniving last-borns.

Touring private libraries of antique books is an adventure like no other. Between the scent and the old fonts there is a feeling of mystery that can make your hair stand up. Scrolls and maps give reminders of what Alexandria may have been.

IS it possible that the whole NRA noise machine is actually a covert conspiracy by the hearing aid companies? That would explain so much! More loud noises--more deaf oldsters! More hearing aid sales!! It's so obvious once you know!

So "Gun Owners of America" has their panties in a wad because the proposed legislation would allow the government to ensure that over-the-counter hearing aids actually work. Better to have the unfettered freedom to waste money on useless pieces of crap than to submit to the tyranny of governmental oversight.

There is very little that cannot, somehow, be construed as antagonistic to the cause of the true fanatic.

I'm telling MOM on the ass hole in the white Trump castle by the sea Everyone thought it would be bad but no one's more stunned than me

With the brain of a lizard and heart of a snake the maniac preys on the souls he can take His stomach is full but for ratings he's hungry He'll never be full he's a ego mad junkie Only the most moral believes all his lies Born without empathy he can't even cry His fair weather friends praise him with words they pledge their loyalty but are treated like turds He's got more issues than a ton of National Geographics Some find him charismatic but to me he's straight up psychopathic Those who want to dodge treason use weasel words for a reason "I would hope" and "the evil press is all fake news" He's just sharp enough to run when confused he is the devil but washed up and used. Licentious vile evil and lewd I asked him why selling secrets to Russia was such a big deal? Its not! It feels like great deal to me, now get down and kneel. ;^7

The hearing aid business receptionist pissed me off. Mum explained she was very 'hard of hearing' and wanted to know what the procedure was for getting tested and getting hearing aids. She had to ask the receptionist to speak up twice because she could not hear her. Even I had a bit of a hard time to hear her the first time as she was talking in a low voice. WTF is that about? It's a GD hearing aid store!

Thankfully, an audiologist-in-training happened to be there and she took Mum by the hand and waltzed her through the works.