Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

BEWARE, Chaos driven affairs...

I just wanted to share what I have learned since my s2bx husbands affair. I want to help people prevent the traps that many ex wives and husbands fall into.

It is painful, I know... but if your husband or wife left you for someone else and immediately started treating you badly, then you are probably trapped in a lust driven triangle, so be care and be aware.

Your soon to be ex is treating you badly because:

It keeps you at a distance and keeps you at odds with their lover. There is a good chance that your ex has told them lies about you, to lessen their own guilt and role in the break-up of the marriage. They don't want you comparing notes.

A warning to "home wreckers" if your lover is treating their ex like crap and telling you all kinds of bad things about them, if they are keeping you at odds and seem to encourage you to be enemies, well... there is a good chance that the husband or wife is a good person who you are treating badly for no other reason than to keep the lies that he told you a secret!

Treating you badly, keeping you emotional, hurt, and hanging on (hence the mixed signals at times) is a way to feed their lust and infatuation. The affair is heightened because you are in the picture; you are almost acting as an aphrodisiac which is feeding their sex life. Do not allow someone to hurt you and continue hurting you to feed their egos and libidos. Pull yourself completely out of the picture... do not see, talk to, argue with, email, phone etc your ex, in fact cut them out of your life completely. Yes they are entitled to see their children, but have a middle man handle this, or keep discussion about the children and go on with your lives as if they never existed. It might be hard, but it is the best way for them to be forced to confront each other face to face and hold up their own relationship.

Can the marriage be saved?

Anything is possible, but it can never be saved as long as youre feeding the chaos and lust. There is a good chance that you need to let go of your ex completely, because now they have tasted chaos driven sex and they probably like it. There is a good chance that it will become a pattern, a further intoxicant in their lives and your relationship with them will never be healthy until they hit rock bottom like any addict.

If your spouse has an addiction... like alcohol, spending money, porn... whatever, there is a good chance that they just found another one, which is lust driven chaos fueled sex. They want to be wanted, because it makes the sex bad, risky... intoxicating. People, who are prone to addictions, are also prone to chaotic affairs and breakups. Some people just can't enjoy their sex lives unless it "naughty" and you have to face the fact that your s2bx is probably a junky...

How can you tell if your s2bx is this type?

1. Do they treat you extremely badly for no reason?

2. Do they yell or call you names?

3. Do they blame you for everything?

4. Do they have any other type of addictions?

5. Was your divorced caused by an affair?

6. Has the other man or woman involved contacted you unsolicited?

7. Do they seem to be secretive or are they sending you mixed signals (in order to keep you in the fight or as an option)?

8. Do they lie about things that are ridiculous, there is simply no point in lying, they just do?

9. Do they needlessly involve you in stuff, as if trying to keep you talking to them or "hanging on?" This could be things like calling you and asking for stuff they were never concerned about before, asking you to do things that they could do on their own, suddenly they are nice and seem interested in the kids... but turn on you quickly for little reasons, saying they are coming over for something... but they don't show up regularly, making promises and never keeping them?

Very interesting. Where do you find this information? I totally have a lot of that here. Indifference is what I need to do, but it's really hard for me to not react to someone who hurts me. That's something I am working on.

Hey, do you know my STB x husband??? I never thought about it quite like this, but you are right on many counts. I have never been in contact with the new gf, however....I feel lucky because I don't want to know her! ~P

swan05: Well... from God, lol. I know that makes people uncomfortable, but he deserves the credit, so... I must confess, it was from one of my many spiritual talks with God. I just wish everyone would give it a chance, because you would be amazed at how many of your questions are answered if you just ask, lol. I am just a normal person; I am not crazy... so there, I confessed :P

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