Providing physical support

When a person is dying, carers often have lots of questions: Can they hear me? Are they in pain? What can I do to make this easier? How long will it be now?

There will probably be gradual changes. Some people can continue with their activities, others find they have to pace themselves or spend more time at home. It can be upsetting to witness physical changes. It may help to know that they are part of the dying process, and don’t mean that the person is distressed or uncomfortable.

You don’t have to face these changes alone. The palliative care team can help you provide physical, emotional, and practical comfort. You can call Cancer Council 13 11 20 to find out what support is available.

Changes that occur before death

Some family and friends find that information about the physical process of dying helps them prepare. Others prefer to take one day at a time and ask health professionals for explanations as the need arises. If you would like to know what to expect, this section describes the physical changes in the last days and hours of life.

Each death is unique, but as a person nears the end of life they often show common signs. In medical terms, the dying process is viewed as the body’s systems closing down.

Sleeping moreThe dying person has less energy, often spending most of the day sleeping or resting.

Loss of appetiteThe body needs less energy to keep going and appetite decreases. The person may begin to resist or refuse meals or liquids, and weight loss can occur.

Little interest in the outside worldThe dying person may gradually lose interest in those nearby. They may find it hard to concentrate and stop talking. Withdrawing is part of letting go. Near the end, some people have a sudden burst of alert behaviour.

Breathing changesBreath intakes and exhalations often become rattly, irregular and laboured. You may hear a pattern of breathing known as Cheyne-Stokes: a loud, deep inhalation followed by a pause of not breathing (which may last from five seconds to as long as a minute), before a loud, deep breath resumes and again slowly fades out.

Sometimes excessive secretions create loud, gurgling inhalations and exhalations, which some people call a ‘death rattle’. Various medicines can help dry up new production of secretions but not what is already there; however, it is thought that this breathing pattern is not painful.

Bladder and bowel changesAs the body’s systems slow down, the person may have trouble emptying the bladder, so a nurse or doctor may need to insert a catheter into the bladder to drain the urine and avoid a blockage. The doctor can also prescribe medicine to help with constipation, a common side effect of some pain medicines.

As the person eats and drinks less, they will produce less urine and faeces. Loss of bladder and bowel control may happen in the last stages of the dying process, but not always. Special disposable incontinence sheets can be used.

Disorientation and confusionCarers are often unprepared for the delirium that can occur in people who are dying. This delirium can involve:

A person who is dying may not be aware of where they are or who else is in the room, may speak or reply less often, or may respond to people who can’t be seen by others in the room. The person may drift in and out of consciousness and possibly enter a coma.

Delirium may occur when waste chemicals (toxins) build up in the brain as vital organs begin to shut down, but it can also have a range of other causes, such as fever or constipation. Talk to the palliative care team about how the delirium can be controlled.

Restless moving, twitching, groaning or calling outThese symptoms are part of terminal restlessness, a type of delirium that may include agitation, anxiety, anguish and anger, all of which can be very distressing for carers. However, these symptoms are common and not necessarily uncomfortable for the dying person.

Cool skin, especially the hands and feetAs circulation slows down, the hands, feet, fingers and toes (the extremities) become cooler and turn a bluish colour. It’s thought that the person will be unaware of feeling cold.

Dry mouth and dry or cracked lipsThis can happen if the person is dehydrated or has been breathing through their mouth, or it may be due to some medicines.

Choosing the moment to die

We had all surrounded my father-in-law’s bedside, then we started to share the vigil in turns. When there were fewer people around, he passed away.

− Judith

Sometimes people appear to pick the moment to die. You may have heard stories of some people holding out until a particular relative or friend arrives at their bedside, or until a special occasion occurs, before dying. Others appear to wait until their family or friends have left the room before they die.

It can be difficult if you’ve been sitting with someone for many days, and they die while you are taking a break. You may feel guilty or regretful for not being there for them at that crucial moment, but it’s a fairly common occurrence.

What happens at death

No-one really knows what death feels like, but we know what death looks like from those who have nursed a dying relative or friend. The person’s breathing will cease, although they may stop breathing for a time and then take one or two final breaths. As soon as the heart stops beating, the body rapidly cools down and takes on a pale appearance.

The moment of death is sometimes described as being peaceful.

Many carers say it was a profoundly moving experience and it felt like a privilege to be there. The memory of the final moments are likely to stay with you for a long time.

Click on the icon below to download a PDF booklet on facing end of life.

Amazon Kindle 2nd Generation devices

EPUB files can’t be read on the Amazon Kindle™. However, like most eReaders, Kindle™ 2nd Generation devices are able to display PDFs. We recommend that you download the PDF version of this booklet if you would like to read it on a Kindle™.
To transfer a PDF to your Kindle™ via USB cable from your computer or Mac:

download the PDF directly onto your computer.

connect the USB cable to your computer’s USB port, and the micro USB end of the cable to your Kindle™. Note: the Kindle™ won’t be available as a reading device while it is connected to your computer until it has been disconnected.

open the Kindle™ drive and several folders will appear inside. The “Documents” folder is where you will need to copy or drag the PDF to.

safely eject your Kindle™ from your computer and unplug the USB cable. Your content will appear on the Home Screen.

Android and PC

You can also download and open eBooks on Android devices and PCs with appropriate apps or software installed. Suitable eReader apps for Android include Google Play Books, FBReader and Moon+ Reader. Suitable software for PCs include Calibre and Adobe Digital Editions.

The cancer information on this website is based on the Understanding Cancer series booklets published by Cancer Council. This information is reviewed and updated every two years or as new information comes to hand. Cancer Council works with cancer doctors, specialist nurses or other relevant health professionals to ensure the medical information is reliable and up to date. Consumers also check the booklets to ensure they meet the needs of people with cancer. Before commencing any health treatment, always consult your doctor. This information is intended as a general introduction and should not be seen as a substitute for your own doctor’s or health professional’s advice. All care is taken to ensure that the information contained is accurate at the time of publication.

Support services

Support for carersSpeak to a health professional or to someone who has been there, or find a support group or forum

Amazon Kindle 2nd Generation devices

EPUB files can’t be read on the Amazon Kindle™. However, like most eReaders, Kindle™ 2nd Generation devices are able to display PDFs. We recommend that you download the PDF version of this booklet if you would like to read it on a Kindle™.
To transfer a PDF to your Kindle™ via USB cable from your computer or Mac:

download the PDF directly onto your computer.

connect the USB cable to your computer’s USB port, and the micro USB end of the cable to your Kindle™. Note: the Kindle™ won’t be available as a reading device while it is connected to your computer until it has been disconnected.

open the Kindle™ drive and several folders will appear inside. The “Documents” folder is where you will need to copy or drag the PDF to.

safely eject your Kindle™ from your computer and unplug the USB cable. Your content will appear on the Home Screen.

Android and PC

You can also download and open eBooks on Android devices and PCs with appropriate apps or software installed. Suitable eReader apps for Android include Google Play Books, FBReader and Moon+ Reader. Suitable software for PCs include Calibre and Adobe Digital Editions.

Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to the elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.

Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to the elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.

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