Readers 'unwanted' at birth warn of pain

Dear Abby: I just had to respond to "Daddy Who Cares" (June 2), whose wife is threatening to tell their teenage daughter, "Gina," she was not wanted.

Dear Abby: I just had to respond to "Daddy Who Cares" (June 2), whose wife is threatening to tell their teenage daughter, "Gina," she was not wanted.

For me, a person's most defining trait is not gender, age or race. It's whether he or she was wanted.

The other traits are things that nature or society put on you. Once you know you were not wanted by the people who put you here, it can easily define you, and it brings pain that will never go away.

It doesn't matter how much you achieve or how much your parents say they love you. A piece of your life just doesn't fit. Those of us who carry this knowledge understand the sadness very well.

So please inform the wife of "Daddy Who Cares" that what she felt so many years ago is nothing compared to the sadness that "Gina" will bear and examine throughout her life.

-- Wounded Heart

in New York

Dear Wounded: Thank you for your heartfelt letter. Readers were extremely vocal on this subject and agree that telling "Gina" would be devastating and only cause her undeserved pain. Read on:

Dear Abby: When I was a teenager, I overheard my mother tell a friend of hers that I was an unplanned pregnancy. It destroyed my self-esteem.

In the case of "Daddy," where abortion was considered and planned, I suspect the emotional damage would be far worse.

It's a good thing "Daddy" has custody because the mother seems willing to disregard her child's welfare to get vengeance on her husband. You're right, Abby: Absolutely no good can come from the disclosure of that information.

-- One Who Knows

in Chicago

Dear Abby: I was a child who was both unplanned and unwanted. When I was 13, my mother, in a fit of anger, told me she wished she had the abortion she planned to have before I was born. It was then that I realized that the "gut" feeling I'd had all my life to that point and beyond was correct -- my mother never wanted me.

I have always had difficulty trusting my parents, and I have always known I wasn't wanted. Years of therapy have healed the deep wounds.

"Daddy" should tell his daughter the story and also tell her how much he loves her and wants her in his life, and that he is glad they never went through with the plan. If he does, she will trust him and know she was not a "mistake."