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Monday, July 25, 2011

Pregnancy Diaries-Miscarriage

Imagine waking up at 15 weeks pregnant, and you are feeling labor contractions and bleeding. This is what happened to me last Monday. It was the scarriest thing that has happened.

I was going crazy and unsure what was going on. Luckily my husband was home and was with me. I went to the doctor. They rushed me to the ultrasound room. As I laid there waiting for them to start all I could do was continue crying. I had prayed, and prayed. Now, all I could do was cry. They started the ultrasound and there was my beautiful "Lil Bit". This is the nickname my husband has given our baby. She was moving like always. I could not even breath when they were showing me she was alive. The nurses had to try and calm me down so I could breath. "Lil Bit" was fine. She measured bigger than what I am. They measured my fluid. They measured my "Lil Bit". Checked all of "Lil Bit"'s limbs. And yes, they check the heart which is beating like crazy. After running all these tests, I was taken to my room. The nurse checked the baby's heart rate, which was 148. And then the doctor came to examine me. Like the doctor said, she does not know what happened but my body was trying to miscarry and then it just stopped. I know GOD has control!! I was placed on bed rest for a week, hoping my condition would improve.

I knew a week in bed would torture me since I am always on the go. But my baby is depending on me right now. I cannot control the things around me but I can stay healthy for my baby. "Lil Bit" depends on mom to be healthy. Even though I was home, I was not in the mood to talk, read, or blog. Life just stood still for me.

I returned to the doctor today. My early labor contractions have stopped, and so has the bleeding. But I have had really bad migraines, dizzy spells, blurred vision, and nausea. My doctor said it is due to my blood pressure yo-yo-ing. So I continue on bed rest for most of this week.

What I have learned-I cannot please everyone.
What I have changed-I have slowed down.

I am taking it easy for both my health and my baby's.

Questions-
How did I feel this week or what was going through my mind? The worst went through my mind. I was not ready to give up but feared the worst. I felt so depressed. And cried all week. I cried alone. I did not want to burden my husband or scare him, more than he already was.

Who was there for me? I am so glad I have a great husband who took care of me the entire week I was on bed rest. So did my son. They both waited on me hand and foot. My family and friends who came and sat with me in bed as soon as they found out. And some of my close blogger friends with their kind words and prayers.

Who did I tell and why? I did not want to tell anyone. Like I said, I was frozen. I person who always has alot to say, who was silenced. That morning I called my co-worker. She was the 1st to know. She is like a mother to me. I let her know the situation, so they would not be exoecting me at work. I then texted my sis-in-law who works at a doctor's office and is pregnant herself. But I got no answer. I then, sitting alone, woke my husband up. Fater leaving the doctor it was only a few hand full of people "the crew" and family who actually knew what was going on. I got out of engagements I had committed myself to personal, work, or blogging.

Why am I speaking now? I, with tears in my eyes, still am not really wanting to talk. But I felt alone. As I read stories online of others stories when I searched almost miscarry, I found nothing. But I had friends tell me great stories of friends they knew who had successful pregnancy. I want people to know that no matter what the situation a person is going through, they may act like everything is ok. Like they are so strong. But the tears and pain is inside. Yesterday was my birthday and the only wish I cried for was to be able to see my beautiful, healthy baby in a couple of months.

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