G E E B E E ▲ ∆

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Starlight

Was so touched when I saw what Cheryl wrote on her blog, even though the entry's dated back to 25th April.

I'm happy with my life now. Infact, I'm more than "extremely contented". I'm studying, I passed my first half of the Emath test my tutor gave me, I'm enjoying the company of my friends and I'm starting to open up more again. I'm just like my old bubbly strong self and I'm happy to say I'm alright. But I feel empty. I wouldn't even say half full. Just.. empty. Whenever something exciting or something good happens to me, I pick up my cellphone wanting to tell someone, anyone. Then my heart sinks when I realise the person I used to tell everything to is just.. not there. I've been feeling that way for weeks on hand, and everytime I typed something related to how I felt on my blog, it'd go straight to my Drafts. I know he never reads my blog anymore but heck, I never published my thoughts anyway. Made it a point to keep personal stuff to myself and friends, and stuff I can publicise, well, publicised. Heard that your life now isn't exactly at its optimum point. As much as I want to stretch out my hand and let you pour out your woes to me, I have no idea how to go about doing that without the fear of being rejected; without the fear that my cellphone would mock me by staying silent. I hate knowing that while I'm happy, someone I used to care for so much is upset and yet I can't do anything to help.

Its hard to care for someone when you know that the person in question would never appreciate your gestures and may, infact, reject these gestures of yours. You want to help, but the line's always dead. It'll never be alive again, or so you perceive. Then again, at least you have your friends by your side so I'm more or less reassured you'll be fine. Pull through this moment and come out stronger, alright?

My friends ask me why I even bother caring about you when you're treating me like this. You don't appreciate me; you never did. Thing is, I don't care if you don't, and that's the problem with me. I'll still be concerned for someone regardless of whatever happened between us. Even if I act like I don't give a damn, deep down inside I actually still do. That's my nature.

I've been there for you once, I'll be there for you whenever. I will still care, you jolly well know that. I will be there if you need someone, but to what extent, I wouldn't be too sure.