Saturday, January 22, 2011

Here it is, what everyone has not been waiting for...the tournament to decide who is your favorite Colley Cantina 'patron' of All-Time. There are many deserving candidates, but only a chosen few will actually be seeded in the tournament with a chance to be named The All-Time Cantina Critter. Whitey and I (and Bobby Mac) will provide some initial candidates, but we more than welcome any additional suggestions. We would like to post pictures (a la the video game tourney which now, finally, after six months, we will move on to a second round), so if you have any send 'em on - whiteyandprofessor@gmail.com.

But back to our contest. We have some initial qualifiers, many of whom you will recognize due to their consistent appearance on the wrong side of the bar. Remember, this is a battle of the best-of-the-best, not a pissing contest with your ex-boyfriend. We want your favorites - we're not here to settle old scores...

So let's get started. The envelope please!

Kenny Harmon. A strong number one seed at this point. Anyone wishing to knock Kenny out better bring their A-game.

Deb S'Marco. Or Smarco or S. Marco or maybe it's DeMarco. Who cares, we all know who she is and, again, a strong one seed. Also an employee at times, which only solidifies her seed seeing as she was also banned from the Cantina on multiple occasions.

Mr. Robert McNamara. While he is one of the initiators of this contest, he now becomes a contestant. Anyone with their own language (McAneese) named after them is a strong contender. Single-handedly made sure the crack machine and Bud draft were money makers. Hold on - did he ever pay for those beers...

Greg Herman. Chess aficionado. I believe he also had a freakin' tab at Starbucks. C'mon man, they're not going to give you the patent on that thing...

Vic Demise. Well, his name is Vic Demise.

Taylor. The best posture on a man drinking pitchers of draft beer. Ever.

Vegas. At last report, Vegas is a current employee of the Cantina. Which boggles my mind. Well, no it doesn't. Anyone who calls themselves Vegas can't really be looking for less attention.

Miami Rob. I don't remember much about Miami Rob except that he was banned from the Cantina every so often and he wore flip flops all the time.

Country, or, as we all know him, Hammer Down. One of a kind. Just when you thought you'd seen it all this guy came along. "Hammer down, Robert! Hammer down!"

Billy Baggs. As a rule we're trying to avoid employees. Alright, no we're not. Billy, also known as The Mayor of Colley Avenue, has been a Cantina staple for time immemorial. Could be a sentimental favorite.

Steve Fernandez. Ah, Steve. The only person I've ever truly feared was going to kill someone (Herman) on a golf course. His inclusion on this list is sure to piss him off - which is only one reason why he's on it.

Wild Bill. His name was Bill, but no one called him Bill. Everyone called him Wild Bill and he knew it. I have no clue what his chosen profession was, but it might as well have been drinking at the Cantina five days a week.

Matt Brown. I think his last name was Brown. Regardless, Matt will always be famous for his "breaking big rocks into smaller rocks" comment, and was pretty much known as not the smartest guy you'd ever met.

That's your start. Trust me, we know of many other candidates but we want to hear yours. We'll rank everyone and start the tourney, well, as soon as we feel like it. Soon. Happy reminiscing! (HERE is what the bracket looks like currently, likely...no, definitely going to change before the contest begins!)

17 comments:

Honorable mentions...... Zodiac, Trippin Kevin, Russell the love muscle (Wild Bills sidekick).I think Matt Brown had the nickname of "doo-doo." I vaguely remember a full frontal photo of him as well. Lovely memory over my morning coffee :) Aw guys those were the days. My vote is Kenny Harmon. He is the epitome of "critter".

In the AL-ley? HA! There has been a rumor that Mr. Barksdale will join the list. We'll see...

What there has been is considerable movement concerning our initial contestants. Some genius taught Bobby how to drink and text at the same time, so the list grows. A few strong favorites:

1. Steve aka The Ninja Gardener. How we missed this I don't know. Steve is in and will receive a strong seeding as well.

2. Tall Michelle. Tall Michelle? Ask Robert.

3. Cockney Rex.

4. Captain Huevos. I always thought Capt. Huevos was another name for Leonard, but obviously I'm wrong.

5. The Rat. This is an extremely controversial candidate. While The Rat is most definitely a Critter, he's also not a real person. That said, how can we resist a possible semi-final match-up between The Rat and Billy Baggs? Problem is, The Rat is a STRONG sentimental favorite. If we put him in, it's hard to see him losing to anyone.

6. Al Barksdale. Sigh. I'm of two minds on this and can go either way. One of the classic Cantina personalities of all-time, it's hard to see keeping him out. On the other hand, I have a level of respect for the man that might trump putting him in. TBD.

7. Charles from the Naro. I'll take a Bud draft pitcher please. And, no, I won't talk to anyone. I'd like to see Charles and Taylor go head-to-head.

8. Matches. I don't know who Matches is, but I suppose it's some guy who came in and grabbed matches all the time. Could be wrong on that. I've been wrong before.

9. Run Around Sue. Hmmm...

10. Crazy Kevin. And god knows, he was crazy.

11. Robbie. A brief but memorable Cantina employee. Not necessarily a Critter as much as strange, although the two often go hand-in-hand.

12. Stan. Stan was before my time, but I know of him, saw him occasionally, and would be surprised if he's still alive.

Jeff who drank rum and coped a few feels on unsuspecting drunk girls. Mike Gears. Anyone with respect tatooed across their neck deserves a mention.Chrispy. Ahhh Chrispy. Though he worked there, he could "out critter" anyone!Michelle(shots with mommy) for feeding her kids shots of soda while she took vodka! Joe. He owns the place but quite possibly could be the most fucked up of all!

you've got 32 eclectic norfolkian ghentites that once reigned upon the Cantina. Yet we have left off Snappy, Stan, several other crack *&^%$'s, and a plethora of ornery gay fellows. One more week and it’s time to set brackets

It's not Vince it's Lance...he taught me how to slice a pizza correctly. Until that point I had no idea there was a WRONG way but I was, well, wrong. Delvecchios had those great garlic knots - man those were good. And didn't Lance join the Air Force or something? Not a bad call.

This is the latest and almost (we hope) complete list. From Bobby Mac:

I still have that full frontal picture of Matt Brown...teehee. Oh and thanks epitomizing the Lance scandal-at least it was good enough to make it to the all time list...I don;t know if I'd call my mom a cougar, though. A few other names come to mind, however. When are you going to make the next round of voting available?