The summons has been issued and I'll be getting served soon. I want to handle this without any emotions and be smart about it. What can I expect to get in the papers that I'm served with? Will his financial affidavit be in there? His parenting plan? What will I be sitting down and reading?

What did you do? Did you sit down, pour over the paperwork, and take notes? Try to ignore it for a few days? Drink an entire bottle of wine? LOL? Stick pins in your voodoo doll?

Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 418 | Registered: Apr 2013

Vulcanized♀ 33523Member # 33523

Posted: 3:03 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

My darling XH wanted to have me served, at work, on my 40th bday. Since it fell during the HOLIDAY weekend, the best (worst) he could do, was have his lawyer announce his intention the Friday prior. Seething, boiling rage is an understatement.

I went and got myself a lawyer a few days later, and had him receive it. XH was adamant about serving me at home (didn't know where I'd moved to) in a bid to find out where I was. He didn't get around to filing for another 6 weeks.

I'm sure if I'd have received the papers myself, I'd have broken down. I would advise you to have your L receive them. It was way easier for me to detach by doing it that way. Even though I didn't want D, by the time they came, it was a relief.

I went out and had cocktails w/friends.

My L's letter back started w/ "V is aware of Mr V's affair"

Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be

Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City

Newlease♀ 7767Member # 7767

Posted: 3:40 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

The county sheriff served them to me at home on a Saturday. I was so hung over from a FTG-evening with the neighbors, that it didn't phase me.

I read them once, but my brain was fuzzy so I put them down and read them again the next week when I could actually comprehend what they said.

We didn't have any custody issues and we had already come to terms about division of debt and assets, so nothing in the papers was a surprise.

NL

Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 8233 | Registered: Aug 2005

Dreamboat♀ 10506Member # 10506

Posted: 3:41 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

When my L served X it only included the details about the initial filing, nothing about the settlement or parenting plan. In my state, filing for D is really just the first step and gets you on the court docket for the initial court appearance. But every state is different.

I was proactive with regards to the settlement and parenting plan. I worked thru with my L what I wanted, trying to be fair, and had my L draw up the settlement (custody, visitation, and CS were all rolled into the settlement). I advise that you also be proactive and not wait on stbx to do whatever he is going to do (or not do).

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)

yillk♀ 40587Member # 40587

Posted: 4:20 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

I read over it that day & made notes on the things I didn't understand. In my first consultation with the attorney, I went over those. I wanted to make sure i looked over it & understood it as soon as I could because there were things in it that limited what I could/could not do.

This is unlike my STBXH who, after receiving my papers in return, blew up my phone with texts.

[This message edited by yillk at 4:21 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Texas

ChoosingHope♀ 33606Member # 33606

Posted: 4:32 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

When my L served X it only included the details about the initial filing, nothing about the settlement or parenting plan.

This is what my attorney did too. We had to do it at STBX's workplace b/c he was living with OW right over the border in another state.

Oh, and he refused to give us an address or tell us where he was living - eight months after S.

Posts: 1798 | Registered: Oct 2011

doggiemom1236041Member # 36041

Posted: 5:30 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

A process server or sheriff will hand you an envelope and ask you to sign the proof of service. The initial filings don't have any details other than do they want support, CS, whatever. All that you work out later.

Just be business like about it and thank the server. Then close the door and do whatever you like. You have 30 days to respond.

Try not to panic.

White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land

sarkanda♀ 4028Member # 4028

Posted: 5:37 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

I was served by mail.

When people reveal themselves to you, believe them!
-Dr. Maya Angelou

Divorced: 7/31/07
husband:53 yr old sociopath according to his shrink.
me:54
Married nearly 31 years. Together 33

Posts: 613 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: NC now PA

Catwoman♀ 1330Member # 1330

Posted: 5:48 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

Expect them to ask for the sun, the moon and most of the stars. Remember, just because they ask doesn't mean they get.

Don't take it personally. I would proactively start researching and interviewing attorneys so that you can have your attorney file a response within your state's window.

Cat

FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 31155 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts

SweetheartVixen♀ 4956Member # 4956

Posted: 5:54 PM, October 9th (Wednesday), 2013

He filed the day before valentines day. Then he rented a very expensive romantic condo on the ocean and snuck back and forth so no one would know. I guess it was their hidaway. I found all the proof with calls and bank statements.

I was served by mail and didn't look at the papers much for a week. It was mostly what the other posters said. The other papers came later.

BS/60s WS/60s Divorcing and not soon enough~!
Its nice to be important, but its more important to be nice...