chocolate

My youngest son asked me about Easter today. Luckily, as a parent, I am endowed with the power of complete universal knowledge and, naturally, explaining how Easter works is child's play. Or adult knowledge, as the case may be.

Every Easter, a giant invisible white rabbit, only vaguely like the one in the famous play, Harvey, visits every house everywhere all around the world, delivering chocolates for Easter. He goes by the name, Easter Bunny.

Possessed with awesome jumping powers, the Easter Bunny doesn't need a sleigh or reindeer to cover the world. He just hops from house to house. When he arrives at a house where a boy or girl live, he slides down the chimney, in much the same way as Santa does. Unlike Santa, however, the Easter Bunny doesn't care if you've been bad or good. He has Easter eggs to deliver and by gum he's going to deliver them.

Now Santa may be rounder than the Easter Bunny but the Easter bunny is a lot taller. Also unlike Santa, the Easter Bunny can shrink himself down to the size of a fly. This is cool because if you don't have a chimney, he can come up the floor vents. Once he pops out, he returns to his normal size (about 7 feet tall). You won't see him, of course, because he is invisible.

Once in your house, the Easter Bunny hops around, pausing to poop out chocolate Easter eggs here and there. The eggs are hidden because he's a bit shy about pooping in public so he poops the eggs behind furniture, bushes, and so on.

Even though the Easter Bunny is invisible, you can tell when he's around because he growls like a tiger. So if you're out hunting for Easter eggs and you hear a low growl when you find an egg, that's the Easter Bunny.