All posts by Mariah Lockwood

I am missing my Best Friend

My eyes are red, swollen and teared up once more as I write this, my remembrances of my Mother and her death. My Mother passed away on November 10th, 2014.

2011 Christmas Time, I captured these two lovers, My best Friend, my Mother and My Father.

I thought I was stronger than what I am, and it hurts that I missed a lot as Mom laid on her death bed, this was all due to my experiencing a severely painful ulcer. I tried to pack up to go stay with Dad and spend time at Mom’s death bed and I was repeatedly stopped in my tracks as I went into cold sweats and severe stomach pain, stress… oh stressed out so bad. I tried to relax but yet my stomach demanded food all the time and still nauseous and severe burning in my stomach… hunched over I was packed but now only getting 3 hours of sleep at a time. I tried everything I could to ease it, the choice was see the doctor or go to the hospital, I chose to see the doctor. I worked myself into an ulcer during the past 3 months and the news of my Mothers dying brought the ulcer to a severe state. Things are getting a little better now, but still I am not well and I am trying to hold of on the Endoscopy until next month, to see if I can get better on my own. I wish I had more time with Mom at her at her bedside, but I was fortunate that I was able to be strong enough to ignore the pain a few hours at a time and spend a few hours at Mom’s bedside on Friday and a few hours on Saturday, thanks to some medications from the doctor. Several days later my Mother passed away… my husband held me as I wanted to drop to the floor with the pain of loss. Oh how I am missing my best friend, my world is missing one very special and loving person, my Mother.

The thumbnail (the picture before this video starts up) is Mom and me on Valentines Day this year. Mom was teasing me about my cleavage and kept trying to cover my chest up by holding the crochet shawl I made her, over my chest. lol

And my very talented Sister, Michelle Marasch Ouellette also wrote the most wonderful Eulogy:

Our mother’s eyes.

Mom and her artwork

Our mother’s eyes were always trained on beauty, seeking it out in butterflies, flaming mountain skies, the English flower garden behind our Minnesota house or the faces of her children and grandchildren.

I am grateful for those eyes. They taught us to see.

For me, it was a warm summer’s day in Wappinger’s Falls, N.Y. Milty and I sat at a table, looking at an ant. Mom asked us to draw. Like most kids, I drew three circles, then, added some sticks for legs.

“No,” Mom stopped me. “Look, really look. Are those circles?”

I looked. I really looked. They weren’t. They were odd, imperfect, pinched at one end, round and flat at another, and they, in their imperfect form, were far more interesting and beautiful than circles.

This is a lesson that I am still learning – to see life as it really is and not simply as my mind forms it.

No, they never rested. They seemed made to clean, to fashion, to create.

Even late night, as we rested, gathering to watch a movie or play a game, those hands would be moving, cleaning, sweeping the floor, planning her latest creation, a grandson’s baptism gown, a new oil painting of a granddaughter or a hand-painted wisteria blooming on the walls of our history room.

Those hands changed us kids, gave us a work ethic, helped turn us all into artists in our own right.

Our mother’s mind.

As a child, our mother was an avid reader. She’d sneak a flashlight and books into bed with her and read all night.

She told me this story once and made me curious. What was there about reading that would make her do that?

So I checked out book after book after book, Nancy Drew and Mom’s favorite “Little Women.”

That summer changed my life. I became a reader.

I know for each of us, the story is different, but I can’t help thinking that Mom’s sharp mind helped guide us, making us what we are today.

Our mother’s heart.

Our mother’s heart was the bearer of love — a fierce love for us, her children, and for my dad.

She used to say she wished she could keep us in shoe boxes — she would love to keep us small. This used to scare me so.

She flew out to see me when my eldest was born. One night, he had such cramps that he howled and howled through the night. She took him from me, cradled him in her arms and sent me to bed while she rocked and rocked and rocked him right into the wee hours.

I think that’s what she wanted to do with each of us, when we had a pain in our hearts, our heads or our bodies — hold us in her arms and rock, rock, rock us gently through our dark, dark night.

This week, in the midst of all her pain, we wanted to return the favor and hold her in our arms all the way through her dark night.

She has made it through, and we are grateful. While we can no longer hold her in our arms, we continue to hold her in our hearts and thank her for all she created with those eyes, that mind, those hands, that heart.

Mom’s Artwork Sample 1Mom’s Poetry to her Mother in her Calligraphy and Artwork.

I couldn’t have said it better myself… we have such great gifts of creativity, all of us siblings, we are all Artists now. I learned to and continue to seek out beauty all around me too. I see the beauty in people’s eyes… Mom taught me with her love of others to adopt those around me as brothers, sisters and parents, as she adopted people as Aunts, Uncles etc into our lives when we were kids.

Mom’s eyes were sometimes clouded with her being such a people person and the love of others, and she got hurt sometimes as she befriended some people who ended up hurting her and using her as she was such a giver. She’d call in tears as once again she was hurt by someone taking advantage of her generous nature or saying hateful things and lies. That I too have experienced… I have a lot of her in me, the good and the not so good, but I wouldn’t change a thing, she helped to mold me into the loving, creative person that I am today.

Just a picture of me looking sad. I am so sad now… Missing My Best Friend My Mother.

Not all of Mom’s lessons took. Mom tried to make me stronger, I’ve always been overly sensitive. As an adult I learned to cry in private, in most cases putting a strong brave face out for the world to see… however right now I am a weak little ball of mush, all too emotional to sensitive. Really, at this time, I don’t care who sees my tears, my pain and my broken heart. I cry as I write this. Mom always said, “Mariah, don’t cry…” I would try not to cry, but her saying that made me break down more, every time. She sensed when I was near tears, even before they flowed. During the rosary reading (the night before Mom’s funeral) I heard my Mothers voice in my head saying “Mariah don’t cry,” and of course I broke down worse and cried very hard. I think it hurt her deeply to see her child cry, and she was trying to make me stronger. During her funeral I again tried not to cry, as I was sure she was looking down on us… hey, what can I say it didn’t work. I have never cried so hard and hurt so… my heart is broken as I am missing my best friend, my Mother.

Love and hugs,

Your Teary Eyed Blogger, Mariah

PS: Sponsors, and Followers, please excuse my absence as I go through this most difficult time. My ulcer and my broken heart are slowly mending and I will be back soon as I can with the over due reviews, and some DIY projects too!

Allergic to Hair Color? Resorcinol Could be the Culprit

The bad news, resorcinol is an inexpensive coloring agent that’s found in three out of four hair-dye products. If you’ve ever had an allergic reaction from a coloring session, resorcinol (or a PPD) was most likely the culprit. Easily absorbed into the skin, corrosive, and often referred to as the paraben of haircare. Resorcinol is a endocrine disruptor (stated by the World Health Organization), It can cause hormone imbalances, mess with your body’s functions, and cause fertility complications. Pregnant women should steer clear. If that isn’t alarming enough, resorcinol is not regulated and cosmetic companies can use it at will. You’ll often find it in anti-acne skincare and whitening creams as well as hair dye.

There’s more damning evidence on Environmental Working Group’s website, where resorcinol ranks high as an overall hazardous ingredient. The consumer watchdog site, which maintains a database of ingredients based on their safety, pegs it as a carcinogen and a chemical that can irritate skin, eyes, and lungs.

Synonyms of the offending ingredient include 1,3-benzenediol, hydroqinone, oxidation base 31, 3-hydroxyphenol, and m-phenylenediol. It’s up to the consumer to read the label. Or, you could just switch to Madison Reed, and have one less thing to worry about.

Not only has Madison Reed taken out the bad stuff – like ammonia, sulfate and PPD, they have enriched their formulas to boost shine, fullness, and manageability by including good-for-you ingredients like ginseng, keratin, argan oil, and UV-shielding lupine flower.

Disclaimer: This post is a post with an affiliate link in it, I will receive a small compensation as a result of any purchases made, this will assist in keeping my blog up and running. I posted this because I felt to that the subject matter may be of interest to my blog readers and I agreed that this post is reliant to my blog. The thoughts and opinions are those of the sponsor and may differ from yours. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. The photo’s used in this post were provided by Madison Reed.

Photo is representative of the products included, however actual colors and bonus products may vary based on stock availability.

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Disclaimer: This post is a post with an affiliate link in it, I will receive a small compensation as a result of future purchases made from Julep, if you become a Maven. I posted this because I felt to that the subject matter may be of interest to my blog readers and I agreed that this post is reliant to my blog. The thoughts and opinions are those of the sponsor and may differ from yours. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. The photo’s used in this post were provided by Julep.

Hi folks, life does go on even in the midst of family medical issues and the blog goes on too… like a living thing, ever changing and growing. The theme of the blog is slowly changing as I strive to deal with a lot of things that life hands me and my family. I will be doing more personal sharing here, as life goes on and I try to deal. I am getting older (I am 51 years old) and as I look at the world around me I see life changing as I face the facts that not only am I aging, but my parents are aging too. Issues arise for those of us that are disabled as it is, then suddenly you realize that things can change very fast with age as well as those we love.

First lets start off with my personal latest. As some of you know, from a previous post, my plum tree went wild this year with a lot of plums and this time I had used some techniques to save the plums from insects, birds and squirrels. To make a long story short, I took a fall off from the ladder when I picked plums off the highest branches of the plum tree, I shouldn’t have done that without someone below me, but I did. *sigh* I had weeks of recovery and am still recovering to this day. Life goes on, right? Yup, I have some catch up to do here.

In the mean time…. many things have happened in the past year and a half and are continue multiplying to this very day.

My Mother in better times, on prednisone in the picture, and a few years back.

My Mother, as most of you are aware, had become a Paraplegic as of February of last year. So many changes have happened since. My family, my Mother and Father in particular have found themselves in a whole new lifestyle as a result. Being paralyzed from the diaphragm downward, there are many other things things that one doesn’t expect that go right along with the paralyzed persons new lifestyle, of course their caretakers lifestyle too shall be changed drastically. There are diapers, catheters, wipes, and if they are like my Mother, a struggle as they suddenly can be so much less active. My Mother, prior to the paralysis, was a very active person and it drives her crazy being idle.

The full picture that my sister took of Mom being a sport wearing St. Pats Day Sunglasses. And my father in the St Pats Day hat.

We were so happy when Mom finally got her electric chair, which took months and months for the insurance to find it needed, especially with her lack of arm strength due to her bad neck the electric wheel chair was needed. The electric wheel chair isn’t very intuitive and you must operate it about the opposite of where you want it to go, so it ended up that Dad has to operate it for her. Mom even managed to break a foot due to her trying to use it.

The electric wheel chair was uncomfortable as it came and so Dad purchased a cushion that cost hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Here they waited for the cushion and then, of course, they found that it was not a good purchase for Mom or the wheel chair. I believe the problem was it was tipping her forward… my facts become muddled over time, forgive me.

Mom, made me laugh so hard! She kept trying to hide my cleavage with the peach shawl I made for her. lol Here we are hamming it up for the picture on Valentines Day.

However we were so fortunate that Mom, even as uncomfortable as the cushion can be, joined us for Valentines Day to Celebrate at our local Legion. We take turns going to Dad’s and my hubbies American Legion to celebrate. We do this less now with Mom’s health issues.

Further Health Issues with Aging and Paralysis:

My Mother is paralyzed from the waist down and I’ve been told that her diaphragm lacks the ability to help her produce a good cough now. As a result my Mother has had pneumonia quite a few times. Mom and Dad’s bed is raised up where their heads rest to avoid this, but there is only so much one can do.

My Mother (Nancy) at home while I was there helping out. She held the Teddy Bear and I HAD to grab my camera.

My Mother had a bed sore that wouldn’t go away, the specialist in wounds looked at her bed sore and described it as looking just like a gun shot wound. This wound finally had a solution with the use of stem cells! Finally, the wound that just wouldn’t go away with conventional methods, had met it’s match! The stem cells were a miracle! This is indeed the way to go. And my parents now have a special device on their mattress that avoids bed soars by moving the pressure points on a regular basis.

Of course with catheters, and diapers there are other problems that arose, diaper rash and UTI’s. The first UTI (Urinary Track Infection) had us scared to death! We were sure she had a stroke, hubby and I traveled through a blizzard to go to the ER and be by my Mothers side… taking an hour and a half to get to what should have taken us only 45 minutes. Finally we learned that Mom’s talking and not making actual words or making any sense was because of the UTI. This happened a few times and we worried about possible damage to her brain.

Tears in my Eyes, this is very difficult to discuss:

I have blamed the UTI’s, The Active Woman now laying in bed most of the time (the wheel chair makes her uncomfortable) and I also blame her medications. Perhaps this would have happened without all of this, but I feel I need to blame something.

Here is the most difficult part, Mom suddenly called me late one night in a panic… “Mariah, there is a Man here… he’s a stranger, he is not your father! The man is living with us and I am scared!” “Please Mariah, come up here… I am fearing for my life!” Mom suddenly couldn’t recognize my father, I spoke to Dad… when I got off the phone I called one of my 4 brothers and asked him to go to the house. I cried, my old beater of a car was acting up and I had less than a 1/4 of a tank of gas and we had several days before hubby would have his disability check so that we could afford our gas.

I tell you friends, it is hard to watch this happen to a parent… what is worse is now she is forgetting that she can’t walk and she tried to get out of bed, the other week, and she fell breaking her neck! Dad took her to the ER in terrible pain and they took x-rays, sending her home. The next day Mom ran a fever and Dad again took her to the ER in terrible pain. That day the doctor at the ER looked at the x-rays, from the previous day, and noted that Mom broke her neck. Luckily it was a hairline fracture and just a cervical collar was what she needed and heavier pain meds than she was already on.

This is my Mother, a true Superhero, without a cape. 6 wonderful kids (me? well that is debatable) and we were all brought up well! My Mother is a true Superhero!

Mom has had a life full of activity until last year, I couldn’t keep up with her. Now in conversations, she says things that aren’t real and never have been. She does have her very lucid moments, she asked Dad the other day, when she got home. Then she described what she’s been going through as “very vivid dreams.”

Life goes on, though sometimes I feel that the world should stop turning and hold still for a while.

This has been the most difficult post ever. I have posted this in the hopes that someone out there may find that they are not alone, I know that I am not, thanks to all the terrific people out there in social media. Twitter is full of wonderful people folks, if you don’t belong to twitter or have a local support system, I highly recommend you seek out a support system for yourself.

Folks, I want to add one more thing… I am trying to make ends meet so that I am never short of gas money to travel to see my parents again. And as a result of my loving my 3D Fiber Lashes I have joined Younique as an Independent Presenter, please feel free to check out the products that are on my Younique page. If you wish to have an online party, please let me know. 🙂

How to make homemade Halloween Face Paint that is Healthy for your Skin and yet has the boldest colors.

I am thinking about my Halloween Costume and Makeup as we proceed into the month of October. Every Costume needs the face to go with it, forget the mask and create your own one of a kind look to go with your costume! Here, with the help from some friends and their generous permission to share their pictures, I will show you some ideas and how to make your own bold and beautiful face paint.

Store bought face paint not only tends to have diluted colors but they contain a ton of additives that are actually bad for your skin and shouldn’t be used again next year.

For those who are frugal minded, like me, there is more use than with store bought face paint. This is a mixture of products that women use every day (men and teens don’t miss out either with the Refresh), … so no waste! And the pigments can be put away for next year too!

I am super impressed with products by Younique, here is why:

This is why I love Younique Products

I am now an Independent Presenter for Younique and I some friends with Younique have shared their creations using the Pigments and Refreshed together to create face paint. Yes, you can use this professional grade intense Pigments and Refresh to create your own custom facepaint, not only will the colors be more intense than those bought at the store, but it is healthier for your skin than those store bought face paint. You can also mix your pigments to create your own variations of color and let your artistic creations really pop!

My friend Debbie and her before and after, using Homemade Face Paint (the products used were all from Younique)

Here my friend Alesia, used the homemade mixture for healthy, vibrant face paint on her daughter, using the pigments and refreshed and the lashes were extended to super long with 3D Fiber lash!

For the glamorous look, don’t forget to make those eyes pop too with the 3D Fiber Lash Mascara, it’s a wonderful 2 mascara tube kit that will make you forget about fussing with false eye lashes. And for those of you with oily eyelids, like mine, you won’t have to worry about them falling off or needing to carry the lash glue around with you and chance at it leaking in your purse, pocket or *cough cough COUGH* cleavage *cough* and have it leak and make a yucky sticky mess all over everything.

Here is another look from my friend Debbie, she also used Younique products to make her homemade Face Paint:

So there you go friends, some fun ideas for making your own face paint using Younique products! The pigments are highly pigmented so those colors are sure to pop, and mixing it with Refresh? Well there are a lot of great benefits to using Refresh here are some:

Disclaimer: I am NO LONGER an Independent Presenter for Younique. I had a death in my family and as a result I didn’t sell enough products to keep my position… wish I knew that would happen if a family emergency came up! 🙁