An old farmer went to town to
see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on
your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster,
Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes."

"I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket
girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not
even a pet chicken."

The old farmer went around the
corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants.
He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses
named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the chicken
began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants
so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge.

"I think the guy next to me is
a pervert." "What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered
Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it,"
said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"Yes," said Mildred, "But this
one's eating my popcorn!"

TopSubj: Silkie
Chickens (S902). Source: www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/.........25/silkie-chicken_n_5200292.html... The Silkie
(sometimes alternatively spelled Silky) is a breed of chicken
named for its atypically fluffy plumage, which is said to
feel like silk. The breed has several other unusual qualities,
such as black skin, flesh, and bones, blue earlobes, and five
toes on each foot, whereas most chickens only have four..Top

One day this guy strolls into
a bar and strolls up to the bartender and says to him, "My
friend told me that I can find some prime entertainment
here for pretty cheap. Would you know anything about that?"

"I'll tell you what leave your
twenty dollars on the bar, go down that hall there and
take the first door on your right," the bartender tells
the man with a smile.

The man leaves his money on the
counter and walks down the hall and goes into the room.
The room is empty except for a bed and a small dresser.
The man takes off his clothes and waits on the bed.
After a little while a small panel opens up on one side of the
room and a chicken runs out and starts running around the
room. The guy just sits there thinking that this wasn't
what he had in mind, but that it would have to do.
So the guy jumps up catches the chicken and starts to screw
it. When he is done he dresses himself and leaves the
bar.

The guy comes back to the bar
the next week and goes up the bartender again and says,
"This week I brought some more money, but I want something
better if you know what I mean. I'll pay for the
best entertainment that you've got."

The bartender tells the guy to
leave $80 on the counter and to go upstairs down the
hall and to take the first door on the right. The
man does and when he opens the door to the room there is a
circle of chairs around a bare floor. All the seats
are filled except for one seat which the man decides to
take. After a while the floor opens up in the center
of the circle of chairs and there are two lesbians going
at down in the room below. The women are rubbing
and prodding and caressing each other and all the guys
in the room get really turned on and watch the whole
thing until the lesbians are done. Then the floor
closes back up and people start to get up to leave.
The man says to one of the other guys as they are leaving,
"Man that was really something. That's what
I call entertainment."

"No", says the guy back, "you
should have been here last week, some guy was screwing
a chicken."

An old farmer decided it was
time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current
rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting
on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster
couldn't hurt anything. So he buys a young cock from the
local rooster emporium, and turns him loose in the barn
yard.

Well, the old rooster sees the
young one strutting around and he gets a little worried.
So, they're trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster.
I've got to do some- thing about this. He walks
up to the new bird and says, "So you're the new stud in town?
I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you?
Well I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll
bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge
you to a race around that hen house over there.
We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets
to have all the hens for himself."

Well, the young rooster was a
proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more
than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said
the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even
give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still
win easy," said the young roster. So the two roosters go over
to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering
around to watch.

The race begins and all the hens
start cheering the roosters on. After the
first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead.
After the second lap, the old guy's lead has slipped a
little but he's still hanging in there. Unfortunately
the old rooster's lead continues to slip each time around, and
by the fifth lap he's just barely in front of the young
rooster.

By now the farmer has heard all
the commotion. He runs into the house, gets his shotgun,
and runs out to the barn yard figuring a fox or
something is after his chickens. When he gets
there, he sees the two roosters running around the hen house,
with the old rooster still slightly in the lead.
He immediately takes his shotgun, aims, fires, and blows the young
rooster away.

As he walks away slowly, he says
to himself ........ "Damn, that's the third gay
rooster I've bought this month."

Moral of this story...Don't mess
with the OLD FARTS - age and treachery will always overcome
youth and skill!

John the farmer was in the fertilized
egg business. He had several hundred young (hens)
layers called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was
to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was
replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought
a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell
had a different tone so John could tell from a distance,
which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and
fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster
was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was too. But on
this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't
rung at all!

John went to investigate. The
other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The
pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak,
so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his
job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch,
he entered him in the county fair ...and Butch became an over
night sensation among the judges.

The result... the judges not
only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded
him the "Pullet Surprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a politician
in the making. Who else could figure out how to win two of
the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best
at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they
weren't paying attention?

In this classic fable a hen asks
help with chores from other farm animals. None of
the animals want to help do work but they all want to share the fruits
of the hen's labor. Click'HERE'
to see this old, cute cartoon with a moral.

The farmer's son was returning
from the market with the crate of chicken's his father
had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell
and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions,
but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood
scooping up the wayward birds and returning
them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all,
the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose,"
the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve
of them."

"Well, you did real good, son,"
the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

TopSubj: City
Boy Buys Two Chickens And A Mule
From: TNKRTEACH on 98-02-15

Once there was a city boy who
wanted to move to the country, so he headed out to a farm to
buy some animals. "I'll take one of these," he said to the
farmer. "What is it?" "Well, to me it's a cock, but to you
it's a rooster." said the farmer. "I'll take one
of these, too," said the city boy. "What is it?"
"Well, to me it's a pullet, but to you it's a chicken." replied
the farmer. "Okay," said the city boy. "And I'll take
one of those, too, if you'll tell me what it is." "To me
it's an ass, but to you it's a mule," explained the farmer, "and when
that ass gets stubborn, it sits down and you have to scratch
its belly to get it moving again."

So the city boy set off down
the road with all his new purchases. He was doing
fine till a pretty girl drove by, at which point the ass sat down
and refused to budge. Seeing he was having some trouble,
the girl backed up and asked if there was anything she could
do to help.

"Actually, yes," said the city
boy. "Will you hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my
ass?"