I’m Monsterously Obese — Give Me Money!

Laura Ripley, who has never worked, was given the operation on the NHS to help her slim down from 38 (530lbs) to 22 (308lbs) stone.

But the 25-year-old, who receives £600 a month in benefits, is unhappy because as a result of losing weight she can no longer claim disability allowance amounting to an extra £340 a month.

In other words, the government was giving her an additional $800.00 a month because she was fat. They are encouraging obesity.

This, she says, means she cannot afford to eat healthily – causing her to pile the weight back on.

‘I can’t afford to buy WeightWatchers crisps and cereal bars any more so I eat Tesco’s chocolate bars and packets of Space Invaders crisps, sometimes four of each a day’, says Laura, who spends seven hours a day watching TV.

I suppose cooking something healthy isn’t an option. I suppose NOT eating 4 chocolate bars and 4 bags a chips a day isn’t an option. I suppose exercising isn’t an option. I suppose havnig willpower isn’t an option. I suppose turning off the tv and going for a walk isn’t an option. I suppose getting off her spacious ass and getting a job isn’t an option. It’s obvious this woman has few options.

‘People ask why I don’t snack on an apple – they’re cheap, but emotionally I don’t always feel like an apple.’

The disability allowance money she used to receive was spent on gym workouts, healthy food and having her hair highlighted.

Trust me, Godzilla aint eating an apple unless it’s either a candy apple, or has a pig attached to it.

Since the extra allowance stopped Laura has put on a stone in just three weeks and claims she is being treated unfairly.

‘It’s heartbreaking that after all my hard work losing this weight someone’s come along and ruined it.’

‘I sometimes feel guilty about all the taxpayers’ money that’s been spent on me but I only want an extra £100 a month, that’s all’, says Laura.

I’d go even further than giving her an extra $250 a month, I’d set up some sort of device that would automatically feed her chips, chocolate bars, and carbonated beverages every time she opened her fat, greedy mouth. A food dispenser that would attach to her head that was always filled with the most colorific food known to man. This way, within a few short months, she would explode and die, saving the taxpayers potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars.

You see, this broad will never be a productive member of society. The British gov’t has already sunk in probably $100k or so, and there’s not a chance they will ever recoup any of this money. This dizzy twat will never work, has no intention to, and will be a burden on society forever. Not only that, she’s really annoying.

All this dumpy, soda-sucking, gargantuan butterball has to do to get in shape is exercise and eat better. She has no disability. She’s fat. So what?

I have lots of fat friends, some of them are monsters , but all my fat friends work. They also raise families, and believe it or not, they aren’t in poor physical shape, they’re just fatties. Sure, I would never be caught dead with them at the beach, but all in all, they’re doing all right. They are all aware how to lose weight: Burn off more calories than you ingest. Case closed.

My fat friends don’t look at being obese as a disability, because it isn’t. Their fatness is their choice. Plain and simple. Think about it, BEFORE the operation this woman lost 130 lbs all by herself. So it’s not like she CAN”T lose weight, it’s because she CHOOSES not to lose weight on her own.

**But if she does want to lose 200lbs of disgusting fat, she could start by sawing her own head off.

They should have paid for this woman to smoke. A half-pack of ciggies a day would be way cheaper than her usual stipend, it would keep the weight off, and she can always look down the road to a slightly early retirement and back on disability with her emphysema.

The only downside would be find a place in England where you’re still allowed to smoke. I think they call it Ireland.