Well, I’ve got many of those! ;)Every single day there is a new portrait. Every single trip to a park – new portrait(s).

So I had a lot to choose from.

No.2 is a very moody girl. She can change her state of being from very, very grumpy to very, very happy within 5 seconds. And she just switches from one to another all day long (just like her mamma, by the way!).

Happy

Mad

Happy

Mad

Happy

Mad

….

No. 1 LOVES balloons.

This girl doesn’t need a lot to be happy but balloons made her exalted.

I’m in process of 3 projects.

2 sewing project (one already done) and 1 crochet project.

I’m actually stuck as I do not have the materials to finish the second sewing project and the crochet one, well, there is more unraveling that crocheting now, so I am very discouraged.

Anyway,

we’ve got a little piglet growing here. Nothing like her Big Sister who after her very picky father is a picky eater herself, No.2 eats almost ANY DARN THING!

and a few latest shots of her:

I had many more PORTRAITS to share but I don’t want you all to get bored with all the kids stuff, and I need to start the day myself, as the magic word (or two): IN-LAWS!!! is/are circling around our home like a fly…

I wanted to use this specific texture, with very sharp lines, in opposition to the curvy lines of my body.

Personally I don’t like this edit as much as those two below. I decided to share them all.

Using Bonnie’s texture: “Blue Moon”

Using Kim Klassen’s texture: “Leslie”

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Reading a new book: “Blood, Bones & Butter”

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I did a few attempts to make this shot the way I had created it in my head. I had to much problems with the focus so I finally gave up. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. Now, with a peaceful mind, I see where was the problem.

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On Tuesday we went to a park, and AGAIN, I struggled with focus. I took many pictures and only those 3, I think, are worth sharing.

The first one, for the way I look at No. 2 and how she sits on my lap… I think, it’s a cute picture. Too bad I am not in focus:

The second one, for the way we look at the same direction:

And the third one for the piglet:

That day I got very, I mean VERY lucky with capturing No.2 showing off her two teeth:

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This picture was inspired by a song…

This song:

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Today, I’ve been busy with planning tomorrow’s newborn session. I am so very excited about it. I’m making a hat for the baby, but shhhh… I hope her mom won’t read that post… It suppose to be a surprise, and I hope it fits.

and again.. I got lucky today with the TWO teeth smile:

And with this precious smile I wish to all of you a wonderful evening!

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I try to publish one or two posts in between each Friday, so there aren’t only self-portraits here.

Not everything always work out the way we want it… huh?

This week just flew by. I wasn’t very busy, though.

Or… maybe I was…

Having two kids is already a piece of work, so saying I wasn’t busy would be actually a lie. Two days without the husband. Sewing, crocheting, cleaning.

Yes, you read it right: I finally made my first sewing creation: skirt for No.1

Just look for me in the next Project Runway ;)

Oh… and I had a WONDERFUL photo shoot on Saturday. It was truly amazing.

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On Friday, quick shot of my favorite belt (Yes, my belt, not my butt). I bought it about 10 years ago. It’s been with me through bad and good.

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On Saturday I was the photographer…

and she was the model:

and I snapped a few pictures of this guy:

Back in days he was my ESL teacher.

Today, a dear friend.

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The next day there was a pain. A horrible pain.

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My Little Darlin always gets in a picture. No matter if I want it or not.

Me envisioning something is a one thing, but making it happen… oh dear, that’s a different story.

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On Tuesday husband was gone for almost all day, but before he left I’d made him banana pancakes for breakfast.

and later I’d tried to fix a small problem in something I’ve made for No.2:

Those leg warmers were a little too big on the top part and I had to do something to make them fit better.

Can’t really say I fixed it!

Did I mention that No. 1 always finds a way to get in the picture ;)

At least it all had inspired me to take some pictures of our cranky-not sleeping-but definitely yawning a lot No.2

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With the husband gone for the day and my headache back, there was no way I could survive that day without any pills.

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Ok,

I know those two picture are a little of a stretch.

Here, there is almost nothing of me… that tiny piece of my foot…

and here, there is not very visible reflection in our dog’s eye.

But you know what, I took much better shots of our daughter having fun and that’s what matters the most. Those simple moments of happiness… all because there was a wind blowing in her face and leaves dancing around her.

I think we all could learn a lot from our kids. Mostly how to enjoy our life.

Have a wonderful weekend my friends. Get out there and feel the wind!

P.S

I’m sorry I didn’t have the chance to answer to all your comments from last week. I’ve been more into the real life than the Internet one this past week. It felt really good, actually. Maybe I should do it more often ;)

Since I started this project I normally try to post one or two not self-portrait related posts in between each Friday. This week I haven’t done that.

The husband was gone for 3 days so I was extra busy with the kids and the puppy, and with enjoying our time together. The weather has been so pretty I couldn’t stay indoor. Oh… how I love this time of the year.

We walked a lot. With the dog and without her.

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On Friday we exercised a little. The house seemed empty without my husband so there was a lot of music playing and almost no TV. Actually we were goofing off for the most of the time but I was able to captured a few moments in which I looked like I was really exercising ;)

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On Sunday I spent a few hours playing with self-portraits.

I had an idea and I wanted to make a use out of it.

I love reflection. I always have.

Since I got into photography I always try to play with capturing reflections. Using mirrors. Tiny mirrors. Small mirrors. Big mirrors. Everything works.

This is a series I kept from when I was in college playing with an old film camera which I got from my brother. Oh, how I loved this camera. I wish I had it with me here in US. It is somewhere in my parents house back in Poland.

So this last Sunday I wanted to play with reflections again. I took out my tripod and after a few shots of this sort:

I had to stop because there was somebody trying to knock my tripod over. So, not intentionally but very spontaneously I had stared taking pictures of that somebody from high above.

She was in heaven. Finally I was paying attention to her and this is what she was working towards that entire time. She is always happy when we pay attention to her AND ONLY HER.

Then I thought it would be great to just come down on the floor and take some shots of both of us. We both had so much fun. No. 1 was just looking at me like I was crazy or something. She didn’t want to play with us. She was doing her own stuff.

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3 days the husband was gone. During those days we had walked a lot. I would pack everybody up, put them on leashes and we would walk. Sometimes we would go to the park and play. Other times we would just walk around the neighbourhood.

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On Monday I was totally out of ideas.

At some point I took the camera and the tripod outside. I set it up, pushed the button and walked around while the camera was taking pictures. This was the best shot from the series. I wasn’t even trying to do something else. I thought: “That will do. There is no reason to lose sleep over a picture”.

At least I took some good pictures of No. 1

Both my kids love the tripod. There is something magnetic about this tool.

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On Tuesday I woke up to an EMPTY COFFEE JAR!!!!!!!

I don’t know how that happened but it did happen and I had to fix it. I packed both kids and we went for a long walk to the nearest coffee shop. After I had my coffee the world finally got some colors. My mood totally improved and we took our time while walking back.

I was positively surprised how good No. 1 had behaved and how good she had walked with me. She got tired and bored a few times but a short break took her mind off of it and she was ready to walk again.

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On Wednesday I spent most of the day writing an essay for Bonbon Break. Next month they gonna publish my post in which I talk about this 365 Project. I am really excited about it.

So while I was trying to focus and come up with something interesting my Little Darlin did not want to sleep nor doing anything else beside sitting on my lap.

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Few days ago while taking the puppy for a quick pee I had spotted this place. Immediately I thought about taking a self-portrait there.

This morning I woke up before everybody. Before I took the dog outside I hesitate for a while but finally I grabbed the bag with the tripod and my camera and I headed to this place.

The street next to it was pretty busy at this time of the day. Everybody was driving to work, the offices across the street. I stood there for a while thinking. I was pretty intimidated by all that traffic. I didn’t expect that while I was planning to take those pictures. I was about to walk away when I changed my mind. I’m happy I did.

I love the colors of the threes and leaves. I love everything about this place and how wonderful scenery it creates, because of that I couldn’t pick a favorite shot. I like them all.

In a few minutes I was done with taking self-portraits and it felt pretty good to realized that I finally faced my demons. Up till this morning, in order to take self-portrait in a public places, I would hide my camera in a way in which it was hard to tell if it was turned ON. ha! I can say, I master this art ;)

Anyway, this is our growing Miss No.3

She has gotten so big. Hasn’t she.

Hope everything is well with you all and that you all enjoy this beautiful Fall weather!

I know that most of my posts from this series starts from the sentence “how crazy the last week has been” or “how tired I am”, blah, blah, blah.

So this one won’t be any different.

Our No.2 won’t stop crying when she is not on my lap, in my arms, holding my fingers, holding my hair… she just needs to be with me. It’s getting worse and worse.

She doesn’t sleep through the day if I put her in her crib. She’ll be crying there as long as I let her. Since I am not a big fan of an attachment parenting I let her cry from time to time. A few days ago she cried for over one hour laying in her crib. It didn’t work. Yesterday she cried for 40 minute to finally fall asleep for 10 minutes after which she woke up and had started when she had finished with the crying, but louder this time.

Even now, she is sitting on my lap, pounding on the keyboard and deleting half of what I had written every few minutes. at least she is not screaming.

The dog is a piece of work as well.

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Even feeling overwhelmed, I try to smile to my daughters a lot. I do not want them to see me unhappy and sad all the time. On Friday we had some goofing off time while husband went to the park with No.1 and the dog.

This series of pictures was taken for one of my bloggy friends, Purnima. She’s challenged me to take a smiling/laughing shots of myself. So here they are:

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You know you are a mother when you don’t remember your last HOT MEAL, and when you eat standing, always ready to run to do something for the kids, to rescue them, to refill their cups, to put more food on their plate, to clean spilled liquids, etc.

At the same time the irregularity of eating causes me to gain weight, which I am not very comfortable with.

Being an emotional eater I eat way too much these days, and I eat not very healthy… sweets and bread mostly. It’s quick and suits me, and after a few minutes I hate myself again.

Today I am bigger than I was when I was 9 months pregnant with our No.2.

Can you believe that?!

Ugh.

I am so frustrated.

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Sunday.

I was waiting to take a self-portrait for way too long that day. At the end of the day I just snapped a few shots of my face in the mirror. they came out very dark and grainy, but I actually like them.

Now I just need to snap a picture of the matching headband I made a week ago.

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As much as I hate the way I look in this picture I decided to post it anyway, because the story behind it is funny.

I know that if I didn’t tell you most of you wouldn’t even know that the framed picture is not from the period when I was pregnant with No.2.

It is from when I was pregnant with No.1

I grabbed this picture thinking that it was taken while I was pregnant with our last kid and I thought it would make a great picture.

After a few shots, and the frame being all dirty from drooling over and chewed I looked at No.1 wandering around and looking at us and it occurred to me: this makes no sense, this is not the right picture.

So I put the picture down and called No.1 to join us, and this is what we ended up with:

At this point it occurred to me that my husband is not in any of my self-portraits. I think I should include him in this project more often. Don’t you think. But it will be a challenge as he doesn’t like to be photographed.

This picture above would be great if he was standing behind me, for example.

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She won!

This was taken after one of those one-hour-long-screaming sessions. She is all sweaty with red chicks, but oh… so content in my arms.

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And again, back to eating.

Can’t wait for a warm slice of a fresh-baked bread.

World could be falling apart, but if I have my bread and some butter spread over it and a few slices of tomato…, I don’t care.

In addition there is an interesting theme going on this week at Bonnie’s blog: “compose a seven word sentence that describes your life or experience or process as an artist,and marry your sentence to a piece of photo art that somehow illustrates your sentence.

I’ve thought about it, and my initial plan was to give each photo from this post one word, but I changed my mind and have decided to write about my secret idea that have cruised in my head for a quite sometime.

After No.1 was born I had decided to start a photography business. We’d done some arrangements… but then life had happened and I abandoned this idea, probably forever (that’s what I thought back then).

All of the sudden, a few weeks ago, this idea came back. I’ve been thinking about it since. Every single day. Should I do it? Is there a place for me out there among so many photographers already.

I feel like I’ve come to a point where I want to do something more that just click-clicking for myself.

My seven words then:

WANNA BE A PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER (SOMETIME SOON)

They aren’t a fancy quote, they are simple, but oh.. they won’t let me sleep or think about anything else!

I am still thinking and knowing myself and all those excused I always come up with that might never happen, but it’s nice to see myself in a different role that just a mother and a wife. It’s nice to have dreams and think about fulfilling them.

First of all, I want to invite all of you to read my post at World Moms Blog about my Self-Portrait Project. It is called “(Self)Portrait of mother(hood)” and I talk in it about… hm… this project in general, and why I encourage mothers to be more brave when it comes to have their pictures taken… for the sake of the future generations.

Second of all, this post has A LOT of pictures, not only self-portraits but of the things and places that we’ve seen, done, and gone to. Without them this post wouldn’t be complete.

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Friday:

New Hair Cut or Not… Thinking. I am kinda tired of my I-Don’t-Know-What-To-Do-With hair cut. For years I had had short hair. Whenever they grew longer I would feel like there is nothing more boring than long hair and I would cut it again. When I met my husband he said he wish I would keep my hair long, and I did. Then I got really mad and frustrated with having to deal with my hair EVERYWHERE and I cut them. Since then they have grown again and again I’m in a spot where I hate it. I hate how they fall out, I hate to have them all over my clothes, in our food, and all over my kids. I hate to wear pony tail ALL THE TIME, too.

And I think: Cut it?

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On Saturday we hit the road. 7 hours long road trip. When we finally got to our destination I stayed at the hotel room with NO. 2 while the husband took No.1 and went to chat with his parents.

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Sunday was crazy. HOT AS HELL.

At some point me and the husband kind of split again. I’d stayed at the hotel room, feeding No.2 and taking a nap with her,

while my other half went outside to spent some time with his parents, taking No.1 with him.

Later that day, just before putting everybody to bed I took this picture.

We were teaching No.2 how to play “High Five” ;)

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On Monday we hit the road again. This time it took as 12 hours to get back home. It was the most tiring trip I had ever experienced.

If a few years ago somebody told me I am going to hate road trips, I would laugh loud and long. I would say: “you freaking kidding me. I love road trip. I will never grow tired of road trips. NEVER!

If a year ago somebody told me I’ll be the most happy person on the earth seeing Denny’s sign, I would say: “You’re freaking crazy!!!”.

You may ask: why I don’t like road trips anymore?

So here is your answer:

and while you watch this movie imagine that you’re stuck in this car for about 9 hours… and you’re car sick, and you’ve got a headache so big that you can barely see what in front of you…

Somewhere in the middle of our trip we picked up Kid NO.3:

She is 11 weeks old.

She is NOT potty trained.

She is afraid of us.

She couldn’t walk on leash.

She is all what I DO NOT NEED at this point of our life.

but husband had waited for this puppy for over a year…

She is already a best buddy with No.1

No/1 is the main reason No.3 (her name is Magnolia/Maggie) has learned to walk on leash in a period of 2 days.

She sleeps in crate.

She is not potty trained, and every single morning we wake up to a smell of poop and pee.

So until she is fully trained, her place is in there.

The training is going pretty good, though.

During the day she doesn’t poop or pee in the house. Yeay!

and here are her mother and her brother:

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This was taken after one of those mornings when my husband goes outside in order to clean up the crate and I go to the bathroom to wash the poop and pee off of No.3.

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Play time.

No. 2 LOVES to play “flying baby”. This is one of those moments when no matter how mad, sad, frustrated she is, when I pick her up and do the “flying baby” a big smile appears on her face, immediately.

Bonnie’s texture “The Little Things”

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Today we’ve had a several potty breaks. Doggy hasn’t had a single accident inside the apartment what makes me really happy!

and while we were playing I took a few shots of my little ones:

I wish you all super relaxing weekend, my friends!

I hope for more than 4 hours of sleep during those few upcoming nights…

This week was nothing special. Regular life of mom of two young children :)

Two times I almost forgot to take a snap of my lovely self, and once (today) I’d gone wild with point the camera at myself.

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Saturday:

I took those pictures at 11pm. I was THAT close to being comfortably placed in my bed when it occurred to me that I have not taken a self-portrait today. And one more time: mirror to the rescue!!!

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Sunday:

just a random shot picked from a few I had taken that day. Non of them was worth sharing but with a little help of Lightroom and one of Bonnie’s texture (Mauve Threads texture) I made something that I really, really like.

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Monday:

Another picture taken at 11pm. Normally my husband walks our dog but this week is different. He is still not feeling well, so I do the rounds :) It’s good. The weather is nice, not too hot, very pleasant and fresh. I like it and I really enjoy those walks.

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Tuesday:

This time took out my camera very early in the morning. I had wanted to be done with the the picture for the day as soon as possible in order to not forget about it. When I was sitting on the bed I saw my No.2 smiling at me so I pulled her out from her crib and started taking pictures and No. 1 saw it she just HAD to join the fun!

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Wednesday:

Another walk. This time in a bright day light.

I was almost done with the walk when I saw those sprinklers. I immediately had an idea. I set up the camera and … all of a sudden I had realized I am standing on somebody’s front yard pretending like it’s raining with two screaming yellow bags filled with doggy poop in my hand. The real picture was comical so I had to crop it while editing ;)

“Don’t let the sunshine spoil your rain”

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As I said before, today I’ve gone wild.

We went to the park. In between pushing No. 1 on a swing and throwing ball I took MANY self-portraits. Most of them blurred… :( The first one from this series is blurry as well but it’s not that bad, and it looks like I did it in purpose ;)

Later when we had snack break and No. 1 was gobbling up her apples…

…I took some pictures of me and No. 2.

I couldn’t pick just one picture from this series as my daughter looks so cute in every single one!!!

Actually I just noticed that this week’s pictures are all in black and white or sepia which I didn’t plan to be that way. But I have to admit: I am falling in love in black and white portrait photography the more into this project I get.

Yesterday I talked on Skype with my parents in Poland. A few weeks back they had their big anniversary and my sister made them a photo book. While my mom was going through it trying to show me the pictures my sister used in it I realized how just a few pictures we have from our childhood. All of us. My parents have almost non. Me and my siblings have just a few. Maybe a little more than a few but still… .

My 1 month old daughter already has more pictures than I had have taken from the period when I was newborn till about 15.

I do believe that pictures are a big part of our lives. They should be really treasured and we shouldn’t be afraid to stand in front of the camera just to capture the present moment in order to keep it for our future. Someday it will help us to get back, remember and cherish the moments from our life. There is so many memories lost because we don’t have anything what would help us to remember.In my case I do not have many pictures from when I was young and pretty ;)

As for my kids I try to take as many pictures as I can so someday they will be able to look back at those precious moments and faces. I hope they will be able to fill more than one photo book with them :)

When our No 2 was born, the first week or so I was all about taking pictures of her. Newborn, newborn and newborn everywhere and all the time. I felt like I am pushing our No 1 away just to focus on the newborn.

These days I’m getting back to normal. I try to give each of my daughters the same amount of time with the same amount of pictures taken :)

It’s hard though as our New Family Addition needs much more attention and time then her Big Sister. I keep asking myself: do I do it right? do I make her feel loved enough? do I spent enough time with her so she doesn’t feel jealous and pushed away?

But…

look at her, does she look pushed away, rejected ?

So far she works really hard for the name “Big Sister”. She’s got her ups and downs but more often it looks like she really likes her Little Sister.

The kisses and hugs she gives her now and then are the most cutest things ever and she is not even asked to do that.

… and the Little One. She is cute and she knows it :) All the attention she gets… she’s simply being spoiled.

I have never been big on gifts. For any occasion. B-day, Christmas, Women’s Day or Mother’s Day. Maybe because I grew up in a household where those things weren’t that important. My mom prefers to receive a living plant than a bunch of dead-in-a-few-days flowers. Maybe because of her I’m the same way.

But every single year no matter what we celebrated the most important thing was to be nice to the person who was celebrating her or his day.

A simple hug or a few words assuring that you remember.

So for those who still haven’t decide what to give to their mothers on Mother’s Day, I say: “make her a delicious breakfast to bed. and give her the day off”. She’ll appreciate it more than anything!

I’m writing this post being not in my twenties anymore. One day I woke up feeling 30 and that was it. As my friend says: “Life begins after 30″ ;)

I think my life have really started when I had my first baby.

Before that it was just preparing, tasting, seeking… .

These days my life flies by and I don’t know when and how. It’s crazy:

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… and this picture is the evidence for that ;)

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Those pictures were taken on the run. The one with my reflection was literally taken on the run. I started the day thinking how great self-portraits I’m going to take at the Mystery Spot in Santa Cruz (it’s a link to a few pictures and a short story from our trip) where we were going but not knowing the life with two small kids that well I overestimated it and there was no way for me to just relax and have at least 5 minutes for myself up there. Our screaming and throwing tantrums No 1 focused all the attention on her. Not only my attention but all the people who were around us trying to enjoy their tour.

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It might look a little confusing with the first picture in which I’m breastfeeding her… .

I bottle-feed her as well… .

She is not a very good eater. She still sleeps a lot and the only way for me not to loose my milk supplies and for her to get enough milk is pumping and bottle-feeding her in between breastfeeding. [sigh!]

At least this time I have an electric pump not manual like with my No 1. I HATED IT!!!

So at the same time I was feeding No 2, No 1 was having her breakfast and I was trying to eat mine while going through the pictures for this post.

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She is the most happiest baby while sleeping on me or her dad. No matter how uncomfortable her position looks she doesn’t care.

You think this was comfortable?:

I don’t ;)

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…and again.. day with the Little One on my arms. Sleeping.

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Out of the dish washer detergent :)

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whole wheat blueberry-banana pancakes for breakfast. It’s all seems like a quiet morning but just for your notice I took this picture about 20 minutes ago (11:20am) and after that I put away that fork and gobbled down a few of those like I didn’t eat for a week. There is no time to enjoy food these days ;)

My head is spinning today and the only thing I think of is to go for a long walk. Just me and my camera.

… or to sit and cry! Cry the hell out of me…

Oh NO, wait… the first thing I think about is a SHOWER!!! I wish I could take a long, hot shower, than I wish I could sit and cry the hell out of me… and then clean on my body and soul go for a long lonely walk.