A letter to my dead girlfriend – m4w

Date: 2009-10-25, 1:36PM CDT

It has been a rough year darling. The ethereal power of Craig’s List will get this message to you I am sure, like in some sort of cheesy 80s movie.Well back to the last year, you of course died at the beginning of it which put things to a sour start. I spent last night with your mum and dad, we went to that Italian place in Wicker Park, who on the surface seem to be coping. I had everyone get together for my 25th which went well, your ladies are on top form and I think some engagements are brewing. Ellen is turning up the heat on Steve who will soon be forced down to one knee as you predicted.Last weekend I finally took the step of cleaning out your clothes from the closet, which is very barren now. I invited your friends over to take your what they liked, it was an awkward session. I think they took them more as a favor to me than anything else. Liz cried when we pulled out all of your shoes, Miranda joined in and then Catherine broke down. It was strange to stand in our bedroom surrounded by three crying girls. I made a joke about them crying for joy at the prospect of some free Manolo Balhniks which they didn’t seem to find very funny.A few girls have put the moves on and as you know picking up women is not a forte of mine. It seems the grieving boyfriend seems to be a good angle. Who knew! I went on one date and spent it talking about you, the poor girl. You would have found it quite witty I think. No other dates to report, I am going against your orders to move on for now.I found one of those hair tie things that somehow managed to squeeze into every crevice in the apartment. It was under the bed. I sat on the floor holding it and cried. Until then I had held everything together but it just all came flooding out.Every morning when I wake up I forget for a fraction of a second that you are gone and I reach for you. All I ever find is the cold side of the bed. My eyes settle on the picture of us in Paris, on the bedside table, and I am overjoyed that even though the time was brief I loved you and you loved me.

Love,

P.

Location: Michigan and Wacker

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PostingID: 1437101323

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Why I am typing, I don't really know because words escape me… it's beautiful, yet poignant and when I say that I am speaking of the love that they must have shared. Thank you for sharing this – great perspective.

My fiance died in August. The surrealness and 'normalcy' that both mix and switch roles in my experience since his death is what I feel here. How eventually we try to be and do normal things, but it's just . . . not. The stupidest but most tender tiny details that you wouldn't think would matter that unglue us (for me it was the egg carton, he ate them every morning, or his diet Mountain Dew in the grocery store). And yes, the knowing that our Love wants us to be happy and "move on", while the ironic ultimate testament of true love, is, at least for the foreseeable future, such a ridiculous notion . . . "Boyfriend", I feel you. The love, it really is enough. And we are, even in this end, so, so blessed. . .

Wow. Thank you for sharing, Shannon. If you feel like it would be personally helpful, and helpful for others, cathartic, please do feel most sincerely invited to share your heart/story on elephant. write@elephantjournal.com and mention that I invited you to do so, so we're sure to pay great attention to your submission. ~ Waylon

Glad I checked back, thanks, Waylon, I will sit with that invitation & see . . . one thing I've found helps the most is simple acknowledgement of my pain, which you have already done with your comment, so thank you!

My fiancé passed away a bit over a year ago as well. I have struggled with everything you have just wrote. Oddly enough, I found a hair tie under my bed when I dropped my phone and reached under to find it. To me, it was just my sweetie saying hi. I had to smile at you remarks of the shoe give away. I hosted a similar party, my Jeni loved her shoes… After all this time, this is the first time I have felt like there might be someone who understands the pain and struggles of basic daily living. Thank you my friend.

I really know how you feel … Please belive me .. I was going to marry my Honey ….my one true love Joanne, but one night , without warning ..she just ….Passed …I was numb ..didn’t know how to react or how to deal … For many years I had insomnia and I would drive in her old neighborhood all night long then go right to my day job. It has been ten years on Nov 17 th and stil I talk to her every day as I drive to work and every nite when I drive home . I still cry for her and for the life that we should have had and the beautiful children we would have made ..P.S. I got married in 2005 but I will always long for my beautiful sweet Joanne

some space is hard to fill because there is no empty space, albeit we feel its empty.. Joanne is holding her place in your heart forever. You have created new space for the next person and may the divine shower you with peace.

I'm typing just in case the poster (or someone like him) reads this. This reply is for you, since you can't see my tears. It always helps me, a little, to know a stranger feels enough to cry a little (or a lot, in this case) for me. It gives me a little hope in the way the universe works. I hope it helps to know that this stranger feels for you (and anyone who hurts like you).

It's been a little over a year and a half since my husband of six years passed suddenly. The world as I knew it stopped at that point. All the plans, hopes and dreams we had conjured together were shattered and I found myself most days amongst the shards. Only in the last few months have I been slowly focusing on new goals and plans. It's terrifying some days, thrilling on others. Most days it's lonely, despite the tremendous support of loving friends and family. One thing I've learned is I wouldn't trade the love we shared for anything, even knowing this pain and heartache, because I know that I loved and was loved without question, unconditionally.