Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Feminists making fools of themselves...again...this time it's star wars.

I must have masochistic tendencies, because every now and then something compels me to check out what kind of madness is being spewed over at Everyday Feminism dot com, which is one of the most mock-worthy websites in existence.

When I visited that site today, I wasn't disappointed. I went looking for wack, and HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP did I ever get it.

Because you guys, the crazy feminists over there are genuinely concerned about the new Star Wars movie coming out this Christmas, because of stuff like - and I'm not making this up - the lack of QUEER REPRESENTATION IN THE FILM. (they probably mean, lack of lesbians, since feminists are mostly that, not that there's anything wrong with that, LOL.)

You can read the crazy for yourself, or simply avoid giving traffic to that bastion of stupidity and read this summary. Because Imma bout to summarize the crazy for y'all.

Here are the reasons that the feminists are worried about the new Star Wars movie.

1. It "heavily excludes women and people of color." Now, while they readily admit the presence of women and people of color in the original films (Billy Dee Williams, Samuel L Jackson, Carrie Fisher, Natalie Portman) - that isn't good enough, because some of them die and stuff. And how dare women and black people die in movies. THE OUTRAGE.

Worse, Princess Leia and Padme look really good in the prior films, what with Leia in her metal bikini and doughnut hair and Padme in her beautiful and ornate costumes. And we can't have women looking beautiful in films, you guys. THAT IS SO TOTES SEXIST. AND, even though Leia is in charge of the rebel forces, she also saves her man, which is like so completely a show of weakness on her part. Or something.

2. Women don't get to use the force enough. I can't even believe I'm having to write that, but this is the kind of stuff feminists are concerned with, y'all. They're concerned that Leia ONLY got to use some "mild telepathy" at the end of Empire Strikes Back. It is unacceptable to feminists that the women in Star Wars don't get to play with light sabres more.

3. Women are like, totally objectified. Objectification, the feminists say, "“has been linked to problems with mental health, eating disorders, body shame, self-worth and life satisfaction, cognitive functioning, motor functioning, sexual dysfunction, access to leadership, and political-efficacy.” And Carrie Fisher told NPR once that her metal bikini didn't even conform to her skin very well, so Boba Fett could see her bits when he was behind her OH NOES!

I'm sure Carrie Fisher was beaten into submission on that set, forced against her will to don that bikini OR ELSE. Same reason she's happily appearing in the new Star Wars. She probably just doesn't understand her role in the patriarchy or something.

The feminists are very upset that more people remember bikini-clad, doughnut-haired Leia than they do rebel commander Leia.

Never mind that I remember handsome hot hunky Han Solo more than I remember whatever it is that Han Solo did in the movie. Apparently that doesn't matter, because feminist concerns never apply to men.

But it gets worse, you guys.

4. All films in the Star Wars series lack "queer" characters. (Pffft! lol.)

The feminists insist that since there are romantic plots in the Star Wars films, like between Anakin and Padme and Leia and Han Solo, well then by golly it should be a requirement that "queer" relationships get a spotlight in the movies too; especially, they say, in a movie featuring an imagined universe. Because transgender and queer folks "deserve representation in these imaginative space adventures."

FOR REAL.

5. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACISM! The Nemoidians look Asian-ish! Watto looks Jewish-ish! Jar Jar Binks looks Caribbean-ish! Oh noooooooooooes! The Stormtroopers are dark-skinned and tons of them get killed - and we can only cope with that much Stormtropper killing because of our racism. If they were white, there'd apparently be mass protests in the streets or something because we just would.not.be.able.to.deal.
(Bunch of racists... In space, in a galaxy far far away, they don't have enough of those 3 boobs women, and spider people?)

6. CLASSISM! The Jedi are all about protecting the rich and wealthy.

Like I said, I'm not making this up. This is the level of insanity that I've come to expect from that crazy feminist website.

Meanwhile, I'm starting to really look forward to this movie, whereas a few days ago I couldn't have cared less about it. If seeing it and enjoying it will piss off some feminists, count me in.