I came out of the water from surfing the other day frustrated. I’m still having trouble popping up on the board to my feet quick enough so I wipeout a lot. Wipeouts are not as fun as catching and riding waves. Disappointment settled in on me because I wasn’t performing like I wanted to that day.

Then words from a surfer friend of mine I’ve known for years came into my head: “But did you have fun?” Well…. No, I didn’t! I was so irritated and bummed with myself I’d left no room for fun and enjoyment. (Kinda the purpose of surfing.) Instead I had put all these demands on myself to perform, to get things right, to excel and achieve! I had forgotten all about the “having fun” part.

Later on Father God got ahold of me in my quiet time. The first thing He mentioned to me was to be careful of my expectations. These negative little nit-picky buggers hide! We don’t realize how we subconsciously have hidden expectations on our spouses, our friends, our pastor and church, and, most definitely, on ourselves. These types of expectations are usually the “demanding” ones — the “shoulds” and “ought to’s.” We hear phrases in our mind that say: “That salesperson should have been nicer.” Or, “My husband ought to have realized how stressful my day has been.”

I find myself demanding a lot from me quite often without recognizing it: “I should have taken the other way home.” “I should have given myself more time.” “I ought to have worked on this harder.” That day surfing I thought I should have popped up better, I’d been practicing. I should have caught the waves at the right time better. I should have done everything a lot better than I did, but I didn’t.

So as I began seeing these hidden expectations I put on myself, He told me to let go of them. Just drop them. He loves me no matter what. Subconsciously I’m trying to be good enough to deserve to be loved. Even for myself to love me. But I don’t have to be perfect — I’m loved anyway.

Father God encouraged me to stop putting expectations on myself. Stop putting all this pressure on myself to do everything right the first time. Allow myself a growing/falling/growing curve. Cut myself a break, alright?! Oh, and He reminded me that this goes for others too. Yep. Spouse, family, friends, pastor/church, strangers, slow drivers — cut them some slack too. No one’s got it all together, but everyone needs to be loved.

Hebrews 12:14 exhorts us to do all we can to live in peace with everyone as much as we can. This includes ourselves. We don’t need the high blood pressure and anxiety that comes with expecting from ourselves some higher-than-average performance. Yes, we are to work hard and do our best at things, however, there’s also a time to relax and have some fun — without judgment!

So the next time I loaded up my surfboard and headed for the beach, I took a deep breath and sighed. Then I told myself to just have fun. It’s even okay if I wipeout every single time. No demands, no performance ratings. Enjoy the time in His love.

Thanksgiving is over and we’re hurling head on into the Christmas holiday. However, I’m still stuck on giving thanks.

Give is defined by dictionary.com as “to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation.” This is an act of our will; we voluntarily do it. There’s no pressure; it’s a choice and we’re not looking for any reward because we did it. The word thanks is defined as “expressing gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment.” Once again I believe this is an act of our will—we choose to be grateful or appreciative and express that. So when we give thanks, we are adopting the attitude of intentionally showing gratefulness and acknowledgment for something.

The world has begun to acknowledge the power of giving thanks. You see, gratitude has become a scientific phenomena of some sort. I challenge you to simply Google “gratitude” and see what you get. Many articles, books, and studies fill the internet with how having gratitude can make you happier, rewire your brain, and add to your emotional intelligence. Gratitude is good for your health, it’s been proven. And since the Bible has been around longer than these studies, I presume God knew all about this already.

Christians may view giving thanks as simply a command we’re supposed to obey. But I don’t think that’s how Father God sees it; He’s not that legalistic. I think He understands our physiology (of course) and knows that not only does thankfulness make us healthier and happier, but it also changes our whole outlook on life. We begin to see the “glass half-full” not half-empty. We begin to dwell on the positives not the negatives. And we begin to bring light and hope where there is darkness and despair.

As we truly see how good God is, we become light in this world. Giving thanks won’t just be an exercise of typing three things we’re grateful for on our gratitude app once a day, it will be living and breathing His goodness every hour and every minute! So not only is gratefulness good for you, it’s good for others too!

I have a feeling I may be stuck here on giving thanks for a while, especially in the Christmas season — there’s so many things I’m grateful for. I invite you to join me in this gratefulness journey. Find an app, use journal, or simply talk to God. Make a choice. Lord knows this world needs some hope and light.

May we choose to be grateful in everything. (1 Thes. 5:18) And may our gratitude rub off on others around us this holiday season and throughout the whole year.

Between the grunts and groans while stretching during an exercise class, a friend and I began noticing the similarities between guitar strings and muscles. And of course, with me, God has a way of taking daily activities — like exercising — and teaching me a lesson through them.

Do you realize that muscles and strings have something in common? Their level of performance depends on how tight or loose they are. There’s a balance for being toned or tuned, respectively.

Each string on a guitar is to be a specific note. When a string is too tight, it’s not in tune. The pitch sounds too high so we say it is “sharp.” When the string is too loose, it’s not in tune either. The pitch is too low so it is called “flat.”

The term “sharp” sometimes is used to describe things as being harsh, cutting, abrupt, or brash. Many of us tend to get sharp when we’re stressed or upset; we tighten up or say sarcastic words. That’s why we use expressions like “uptight” or “edgy/on the edge.”

The word “flat” may be used to describe dull, lifeless, plain, or ‘off key’ things. For example, we tend to get flat when we’re uninterested or unconcerned about something; or how carbonated drinks loose their fizz if left out too long. In the case of a guitar string, if the instrument is not played often enough the strings go flat from disuse. Similarly, our muscles go flat if we don’t exercise them.

So what do we do when our muscles tighten up and we feel stiff? We stretch! This helps loosen them up. And when our muscles are flabby (another way to say flat!) what do we do? We exercise to tone them up!

And the God lesson in of all of this?

God wants us to be in tune — in perfect pitch and in harmony with Him— and in shape, toned up, ready for whatever He asks us to do. Not too tight, not too loose.

I picture myself as that string with His fingers on the guitar’s tuning pegs turning one way then the other little by little listening to the pitch, changing it ever so slightly until it’s perfect. Or lying prone on a floor mat in a gym, God in His trainer polo shirt stretching my legs a little, loosening me up. His workout routines can be a bit strenuous at times, making me exercise my faith like dumbbells when I’ve been a bit complacent or apathetic.

And so whether it’s tightening or loosening — stretching our faith or resting in His love — this process brings us closer to Him. I believe Father God wants to have a healthy and harmonious relationship with us — flowing in His love wherever we are.

As I was walking down the beach the other day, praying and listening to God, I heard this phrase: “Get off the edge.” Since that day, I’ve been pondering what is the meaning and purpose of this phrase. I’ve come to a few conclusions and I believe they are not just for me, so I’d like to share them with you to consider also.

Be Brave

I was at the Poles (a surf spot) looking at the waves thinking how they’re just too big for me to go out in. It was also really cold so the process of putting on a wetsuit made it easier to negate the idea. Then an older bald fellow carrying his longboard breezes past me, smiles real big and says, “Just do it. C’mon, do it.” and continued walking down the beach and into the water.

Usually if we’re on the edge about something, there’s a reason. We’re not sure, we’re nervous, we’re afraid, etc. We don’t want to get off the edge. That was me that day at the Poles. I was scared. Even after the encouragement from the elder surfer, I went backhome.

Failure is the Fear

I think the fear of failure is what causes all this “edginess.” We’re anxious. What if we fail? Then we’ve learned something. What if we get hurt? Then we’ll need time to heal. What will people think? What if I look silly? Then we may need to swallow our pride and be humbled.

If we were to launch a new business, commit to a relationship, go back to school, adopt a child, start a new exercise or weight-loss regiment — what would happen if we were to fail at these things? This is typically what goes through our heads before we start. Most of us are like standing on the edge of a high-dive looking down at the water afraid of the negative “What ifs?” But what about the positive “What ifs?”

What Ifs

What if we finally have met the guy we want to spend the rest of our lives with? What if we actually tried to write that book we’ve had in the back of our minds for 20 years? What if we started taking dance/piano/swimming lessons? What if we switched jobs, even moved to another country? Imagine the fun/adventure we could experience!

Think about Abraham going into a land he’s never seen before. Think about the spies checking out the land of milk and honey. Think about the Israeli moms packing up their babies after Passover night and leaving in the morning. Think about John the Baptist eating locusts and honey in the wilderness. Think about Peter stepping out of the boat during a storm.

The Key — Trust

So what’s the key? How do I get off the edge? Trust. Trust in the One Who made heaven and earth. Trust in the One Who loves me with whether I succeed or fail. Trust in the One Who will never leave me nor forsake me.

Did God promise that I would never fail? No. Never go through a hard time? No. Never get hurt emotionally, physically, or financially? No. In fact, He said there would be trials and tribulations we’d go through. (The word tribulation sounds so much worse than the word trial does.) But He did promise that He will be with us in the midst of all these things — good and bad.

So the point (that I’m telling myself) is that the answer is not necessarily “Just do it.” But at least get off the edge — decide to surf or not surf — then be at peace with the decision. Be settled. Do it or don’t. Follow His lead then trust Him.

My father used to say, “Don’t tell me can’t, tell me you’ll try.” May you and I prayerfully consider those things we are on the edge about this year.

How many of us have ever taken piano or clarinet lessons? What about being on a sports team? Any of us have soccer, baseball, or cheerleading practice to go to after school? Maybe a debate team? Dance lessons? Karate classes?

When I was in high school I was in the marching band. And on Friday night we all didn’t just show up with our instruments at the football game to play our halftime show. Of course not! Everyday after school we rehearsed for hours preparing for it. We practiced.

Practice makes perfect, the saying goes, right?

So what if we looked at loving God this way? You know, like daily practicing it?

What if we didn’t just go to church on Sunday, maybe midweek too, and think, “Okay, I’ve done my ‘Christian stuff’ for the week”? Now I know many of you are faithful prayer warriors and daily readers of the Word so this may not completely apply to you. However, I’d like to challenge your mindset. Let our “Christian stuff” not be about habits or normalcy, but about love—the big picture.

The Big Picture

We live near the beach where there are tons of surfers. Many of them have surfed all their lives. Even into their 70s or older, some are still surfing. And that’s just it. The big picture. It’s a lifestyle. Why? Because they love it. It brings joy to their lives. It’s part of who they are.

Can you see the mindset difference? We do for God because we love Him. Daily we look for ways to express love to Him and others, practicing His presence, because we love Him. Saying, “I’m a Christian,” or “I’m a believer,” should carry the same connection as “I’m a surfer,” “I’m a dancer,” or “I’m a musician.” It’s who you are, your life, not what you do.

And just like practicing anything, we get better as we do it more. Life takes practice. Practicing communication skills, relationship building, parenting, listening, seeing people through God’s eyes. It doesn’t just happen because we went to church on Sunday. We need to make it our lifestyle.

Countless times throughout a day there are opportunities for us to practice our skills—facial expressions, voice inflections, kindness, generosity, serving, listening. Are we exemplifying our loving Father? Practice for a purpose. Practice the lifestyle. Live to love.