Metro sex column: Am I taking the wrong approach to finding a man?

Metro’s sex experts try to help a reader who needs help with finding a boyfriend.

Our reader is worried about her approach to finding a partnerI would like a boyfriend. I have no problem admitting it. I’ve been single for three years, I’m 34, the clock is ticking and I’ve had lots of fun with different men. I’m a practical person and believe you need to put yourself out there.So I’m accepting invites to parties and events that may also attract interesting men. I’ve found research that says the gym is a good place to meet potential partners so I signed up to one, which I have been meaning to do anyway.When I mentioned my game plan to my male friends they looked horrified and said it was a turn-off. Is this a wrong approach to take? Should I just hope that I will stumble across a handsome stranger one day?

Miss pragmatic dater, our panel commends you. Ignore your friends, says James McConnachie. ‘What a bunch of unhelpful losers. If their fertility had a time limit on it, they would also ruthlessly focus on breeding.’

‘Knights in shining armour no longer roam the land looking for damsels in towers,’ says Rupert Smith. ‘You’re doing all the right things to increase your chances.’

However, Dr Cecilia d’Felice suggests being a little more circumspect about disclosing your tactics. ‘This will alleviate negative judgments and stop males feeling threatened that a woman can act like a man.’

Now let’s move on to your search. Be sceptical about these surveys, many are ill-conceived and conducted by the very places they promote. If you do fancy some bedtime reading, McConnachie suggests How Couples Meet And Stay Together by Stanford University.

‘But who you get really depends on who you are,’ says McConnachie. ‘Many religious couples meet at church, many working couples meet in the office, many young people meet through university. If you’re looking for a like-minded person, you’ll probably find them in a place that attracts people with minds like yours. If fitness is at the centre of your life, the gym could be a good place to look. If not, you might well find yourself a sweaty energetic fling, but perhaps not a life partner.’

Jenny Ainslie-Turner says cast the net wide. ‘Singles holiday, cookery classes, the list is endless – but don’t be too busy looking or you might just miss that someone special. Even those male friends of yours could be a potential partner. Sometimes they can be a friend first and lover later.’

And it’s not just what you do, it’s how you do it. ‘Men will come to you if you look like you’re having a good time,’ says Smith. ‘If you’re always scanning the room for potential husbands, they might steer clear.’

Become as positive as you can because the more gratitude we show, the more we receive, says d’Felice.

And when love does come, you can start to be as gloriously unpractical as you want, says McConnachie. ‘Meanwhile, I’d recommend you to any friend of mine.’