“I was thinking of doing a few White Stripes numbers. Or everyone in the audience can just punch themselves in the crackers. Same effect, really.”

“Next.”

“Jack Blades here. Look, I know I’m not a major league ballplayer. But I was in Night Ranger, muthaf–ers. Represent! Nothing finishes off a crowd like a rousing chorus of ‘Sister Christian.’ And with me, as a bonus, you get the Damn Yankees* catalog as well. Hear me out. ::Clears throat:: You can still… rock in America! Oh yeah. Alri–“

“Roooooaaaaarrrrrr.” ::Tackles Blades. Chews off arms::

“SWEETGODINHEAVEN!”

“Folks, one more is all we have time for. I’m this close to calling Jack McDowell.”

“Hey there. I do some stuff. Some rap. Some country. Might be good to mix it up a bit.”