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George Zimmerman Excited to be Hispanic Again

After being found not guilty of second degree murder and manslaughter in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman is excited to “go back to being Hispanic.”

“White privilege was fun,” said Zimmerman, “but I’m excited to return to my roots as a racially profiled Hispanic.”

Zimmerman was originally released after five hours of police questioning in what might have slipped by as a case of self defense in a fight gone tragically wrong. But the media saved the day.

“All of a sudden everyone was calling me white––ABC, NBC, MSNBC, and CNN. The New York Times equivocated a little, but still helped when they called me a ‘white Hispanic,'” Zimmerman said. “I was getting all of this attention. I was like, ‘wow, I’ve never been called white before.’ Everyone in the media was so kind. I wouldn’t have got any of this attention had it not been for them.”

But Zimmerman reserved a special thanks for ABC and NBC.

“They really put it over the top, you know? ABC went above and beyond when they digitally blurred the wounds on my head in the original video they released. And then, by editing the 911 call, NBC gave my story the hype it needed to receive a national spotlight. I can’t thank them enough for this special time in my life.”

However, as fun as it has been, Zimmerman says he can’t wait to get back to being Hispanic. When asked about his plans for the immediate future, he said, “I could really use some relaxation in a beautiful place like Cabo, so I’m hoping to get a free trip to Mexico by getting pulled over in Arizona.”.