Thursday, December 06, 2007

Everyone seems to be so obsessed with creating the best of the best. Whether it be ESPN creating the ideal tennis player or Cameltap creating the hottest woman it's all about creating the best of the best. Well it's time someone does the opposite, and create the worst of the worst.

THE BRAIN

Worst Decision Maker: Ron Artest, you could take this as worst decision maker on the court, but I took it as who I would least want to be running my mind. And Ron Artest is a runaway victor there. Having him make any decision would be very scary. Although his hairstyle may be better than the one chosen.

Best Tanker: Vince Carter, No one is quite as good as shutting it down as Vince Carter. If Vince wants to play like garbage to force a trade he will. No hoopster on the planet is better than Vince with the On/Off switch.

Least Coachable: Ricky Davis, Stephon Marbury could be a possibility here but Ricky Davis gets traded like nobody else and he attempted to give himself a triple double by throwing it off his own backboard. Classic move.

THE BODY

Worst Shot: Ben Wallace, Big Ben blows everyone out of the water with his inability to get anything outside of

Least Touch: Kendrick Perkins, another one could go to Shaq here, but Perkins can't hit any shot other than a layup or dunk. He's got zero touch with the basketball.

Worst Ballhandler: Dwight Howard, Dwight Howard is an absolute beast and gets a lot of touches, but he's third in the league in turnovers and doesn't nearly come close to the amount of control of the ball as the point guards he's surrounded by on the list. His assist to turnover ratio is .41.

Worst Endurance: November Shaq, Shaq may get himself worked up and in shape come playoff time, but at this point in his career he is just one out of shape nbaer in the first month of the season.

Worst Defense: Eddy Curry, Curry is a beast on offense but he has zero ability to guard anybody at any point in time.

Most Brittle: Grant Hill, Another easy one. Grant's body goes down every single season, it's only a matter of time before the knees give out.

Least Athletic: Brian Scalabrine, there's probably someone out there less athletic than him. But whatever he had to be included as he's such a legend on this here site.

Slowest: Yao Ming, so what if he's 7 foot 6. It takes the guy forever to get up and down the court.

Ugliest: Sam Cassell, gotta have atleast one superficial category in this player. And Sam Cassell narrowly defeats Chris Kaman for the ugly award as he is the product of fish-alien sex.

Worst Hair: Chris Kaman, whatever the hair needed inclusion.

And finally...

Height: Earl Boykins, Many of the players featured here are able to overcome their defaults because of their size or athleticism or strength. But if you give this bad player the height of Earl Boykins, than they won't be good enough to make your High School's JV team.

What Idiot uses assit-to-turnover as a measure of Centers??? Howard's TO rate is decreased from past, and his Dunking rate is way up - in fact his DUNK-to-turnover rate is 1.25 nobody else in the league comes close. Durant and Yao are turning the ball over as much, at a similar A/TO rate.

Kevin Durant may not be able to bench press 185 pounds but he can throw down 35 against Indiana and he can win the western conference rookie of the month... are you retarded dude... this kid is leading his team at 19... no one else can say that right now...

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