Before I start I should warn you….I am suffering from the mother of all hangovers (still drunk) after celebrating the end of the busiest festival season we have ever done (19 festivals!…. ridiculous! I didn’t even know there WAS 19 festivals!) I am a light tech by day and if anyone is thinking of visiting Manchester for a booze filled night out…forget it….there’s no alcohol left…..we drank it dry..I believe half my team of miscreants are still wandering the streets causing all kinds of …..not much trouble…

Or attempting to discover wherever they left their cars….

“Found it!”

So…I am telling you this because well…this review may suffer as a consequence….or…. it might actually make some sense this time…who the fuck knows….so……what was it I was meant to be reviewing again…..?…..erm…….?….something about sucking a snake….? (?????)

As per usual when researching a little bit of background info on the manufacturer I am reviewing for I have come away no wiser than when I started….confusion….it would appear…is big business in China….

I’ve never reviewed anything by Advken before and I’ll admit right now…I couldn’t of named one single device from their back catalogue ….I know I know….you vape geeks out there will be all like ‘ACTUALLY I think you will find the Advken were the people behind the blah blah and the blah blah how could you not even know that you uncultured peasant’ ….wotevs…regardless…my brief research threw up a few surprises for me….and like I said…more than a little confusion surrounding one particular iconic RDA….The Kennedy. They currently sell the Kennedy V2…which led me to the obvious train of thought of ‘Oh ..no way..Advken are behind the Kennedy….oh wait…no that was Kennedy Enterprises….oh actually…it appears to be Kennedy Vapor…..’

Who the fuck knows…all I know is…..Advken are selling the V2…..Which puts pay to my ‘Advken….the people behind the Kennedy’ speech….So there’s that..(sigh)…..And also something you might recognise from your Fasttech searches of yesteryear….albeit not quite so equally Iconic…..

The Coffin shaped ‘Vampire box’ mech mod……also Advken…..

Did I forget something?……….

Ooooooh yes of course…..There’s also the ‘flip top’ Mad Hatter RDA ….how could I possibly forget…

So Advken do have a pretty solid resume spanning back a number of years….you’d think they might have at least sorted themselves out with a decent website…..but alas….It is shit…..Their gear however…..not so much…

I was just venturing into the world of rebuildable atomizers right before the first Serpent Mini hit the market. At the time, it was one of the most sought after RTA’s among flavor chasers (from what I read) so I bought one. While most companies were starting to make bigger, open airflow RTA’s that a lot of people were saying killed flavor, Wotofo saw a market for a small tank that enhanced flavor. Well…everyone noticed. The only tank in that class that got as much hype as the Serpent Mini (that I can think of was the Goblin Mini, but the deck was not as easy to build on as the Serpent Mini…At least in my eyes. Wotofo continues to raise it’s head up and strike out, grabbing our attention to let us know they’re still relevant.

Fast forward to now. Small tanks, big tanks and everything in between are on the market. A little tank can be super airy and a big tank can have a super tight draw. No boundaries. Matt from Suck My Mod was also a fan of the original Serpent and it’s Mini counterpart, and I’m guessing he sent them suggestions and ideas on what could have been better. I can’t say how much of his input was used, but either way… his name is on the box and it’s a damn good tank. The Wotofo Serpent SMM edition.

I’m gonna start with a little love story…..A good few years ago, one crisp Autumnal morning, I was awoken by the sound of…absolutely nothing, And I soon came to realise that I had indeed forgotten to set my alarm clock leaving me almost an hour late for work….that’s right…’clock’ ….like I said…years ago…anyway, That was strike one, I rushed out of the house and decided to cut across the park and as I marched across the field like a man with purpose I suddenly felt something a bit….’soft’…underfoot, whilst not slowing down any I turned my head to look at the floor behind me convinced I’d see a pile of freshly baked doggy bum nuggets with my footprint planted right in the centre….but while looking backwards…and walking briskly forwards…and before I could finish the thought ‘Oh good…it was just a pile of leav…. WOH!’….I slipped in an actual particularly mountainous and moist ‘Elephant’ turd …twisting my knee…and leaving me splayed out on my back writhing in agony clutching my…what felt like….shattered kneecap…..strike 2…… “Are you OK?…..oh hi Pugs” ….said an almost angelic voice above me….”Oh…hey” I replied to a girl walking her dog that I happened to have pulled at my friends party a couple of weeks previous …A girl I might add that I had grown to have an unhealthy infatuation with……..and if there was any chance of this being a lucky romantic encounter you often see in the movies….that chance was soon dashed with the next words out of her mouth……”You have shit in your hands…..” I looked down..and sure enough, there was a three foot smear of shit up the outside of leg up to my knee…which I was clutching firmly with both hands…….gargantuan strike 3….

Strangely….I never saw that girl again, but that clusterfuck of a morning all those years ago has stayed with me ever since, and every time I hear someone say ‘Bad things happen in threes’…I can almost smell those shit sodden leaves and bitter humiliation all over again…and as a result of that….I have had a nagging fear of the number 3 ever since…that’s right…I’m a massive weirdo with Triphobia….I mean I was just about getting my head around using 3 batteries without the fear of blowing my face off….and I also have my third child on the way….clearly going to be the spawn of Satan…so I’m working on it…but generally….if it’s a three…it’s going to be shit.

Yes….this is a vape review…all will come clear…..if you’re looking for sense you’re in the wrong town buddy…

It seems like almost a lifetime ago that I won the Pharaoh RDTA in a competition on ELR…..(it was 6 months ago you drama queen)….and was given the immortal words…”Can you write a review on your prize for us”…….

‘Erm……..OK…?’

I told the Mrs….’hey….they want me to right a review on that thing I won….and post it online….me…..write things….publicly’…..

You see….my Mrs is rather straight laced shall we say, and my online ‘comments’ and ‘meanderings’ on social media over the years previous had caused her and her family some………shall we also say……..’concern’ .

There really was only one way this was ever gonna go…..sideways…so it was with some trepidation that I posted the first Pharaoh review…

If you ever swam with dolphins, or even merely petted one, you will understand the joy they can bring to a person, their intelligent playful nature is capable of bringing a heartwarming inner glow to the hardest of characters…not me…I’m a big girl, when I petted a dolphin I grew pigtails and made high pitched…what was then described as…kitten squeals….I even weed my self slightly…

But what if I told you….. It’s all a ploy.

You see dolphins have been busy, they’ve been plotting an invasion on the vaping world for some time now…don’t believe me?…sounds too ridiculous? ….well check this top secret footage I was sent by ‘a friend’ prior to starting this review…

And that’s only half their plan, knowing that invading whilst stuck in the water is nigh on impossible, they are also hell bent on creating dolphin/human hybrids to carry out the attack…known as ‘Peopoise’

And when I say ‘hell bent’….I mean ravenous.

You see Dolphins know exactly how you feel about them, and they’re a clever little bunch alright, they will draw you in with their smiley wide grins and their puppy dog happy eyes until you are literally putty in their flippers….and then before you can shout FLIPPIN ECK!..