Thursday, December 8, 2016

How I’ve Been: Not an Update or an Explanation: Just Some Words from My Heart

Thank You.

And I mean that. Over the past decade, I have met so many
people in so many different places who will always have a special place in my
heart. Whether it was the henna you painted on my skin to make me feel like a
queen, or the conversation we had over tea. Whether it was advice that I didn’t
even understand until years later, or a jewel you dropped on me right in the nick
of time that changed my life….

You taught me how to pray.

You served up a frozen pizza with some laughs.

You cooked your famous curry made from scratch.

You patted my pregnant belly and said a prayer.

You asked me to teach you the Fatihah.

You taught me your language and I taught you mine.

You watched my children while I napped.

You taught my girls something that I could not.

You came to me, trusting me with your despair.

Our children rolled around on the green masjid carpet and imitated
us in salat.

Our children played on the playground and we etched
the moment in our memories.

I wept on your shoulder and you never
revealed my pain to a soul.

We laughed hard and didn’t talk about deeper
things, because the joy was enough.

A hug

A kiss

A lingering handshake

That was all I needed at that time to make the connection to
You.

It seems like lately I have been MIA from my own life. When
you withdraw in the way I have, people reach out at first frequently, but over
time the texts and calls dwindle. I just wanted to let YOU (THE ALL OF YOU) know
that I am still here, still feeling your love.

I’ve always been more of a visit-in-person friend, which is
why the memories of mommy-n-me’s and halaqas and quiet personal visits are most
fondly etched in my mind. Although I miss those times, I trust the old advice
of a dear sister who reminds me, “Everything we go through prepares us for the
next thing.” Right now, I am on the front lines, with schoolwork, mothering,
and being an active member of my family, especially my mom, who needs me. And that is okay. Just as my life has taken
turns in the past, I’m sure another turn is around the corner inshaAllah. I
pray Allah guides me and protects my family. Ameen. But for now, I’m just doing
what I do best, being me.

Thank you for giving me what you had and taking from me what
I offered. The energy from our good times carry me when I am knee deep in my
studies, or facing some dilemma. Thank you for giving me the space I needed to
grow and rest and buckle down. Our friendship is not lost nor forgotten! See
you soon inshaAllah!