By Smaktakula

Like so much of the English language, ‘Gay’ has a variety of connotations. Here are the three most common definitions, told with pictures rather than words.

1) Oldest Definition.

Generally considered archaic.

Ex:The joys of the Christmas season left everyone feeling quite gay.

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2) Contemporary definition.

Not just happy–Fabulous.

Ex:Evan’s not very good at sports because he’s gay.*

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3) Pejorative Definition.

Most recent variant, circa 1980s.

Ex:He’s got a tattoo of a Camaro on his back, and it’s super-fucking gay.

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Some rare and wondrous creatures manage to embody all three definitions simultaneously:

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Richard Simmons: 1) Gay, 2) Gay, 3) Really Fucking Gay.

*A note to potentially offended readers: It should be obvious that any implication that gay people make poor athletes is intended for humorous purposes, and does not reflect the actual opinions of Promethean Times. In fact there have been many outstanding homosexual athletes, including Billie Jean King, Greg Louganis and any male figure skater who ever lived.

We regret any offense we may have caused to gay athletes. The real reason Evan isn’t any good at sports is because he’s Jewish. ∞T.

This blatantly fails to encapsulate the broader spectrum of gay people. I would point out that there are also gay punks, jocks, skaters, Hip-hop gangstas and all the usual expressions of general culture and subculture are also represented.

So at least he had good taste! When I was in college, my girlfriend’s best friend for years was a gay guy. And THANK GOD he was gay–he was 6’5, chiseled (competitive swimmer), and fairly wealthy. If he had been straight, I wouldn’t have stood a chance.

I never worried when she went out with him (and I never worried about her cheating, period–she was a nice girl–I never dated any other kind). I couldn’t see anybody messing with her with that hulking specimen of perfected humanity standing next to her.