Jimmy: If you are offended by youth, talent, wealth, and, or sex appeal, this may be a good time to put your head in the oven. At age 21 our first guest became the youngest American tennis player to finish number 1 in the ATP rankings, he’s a two time Wimbledon finalist, he’s in town this week for the ESPY Awards, airing this Sunday night on ESPN. Sit back, crack a can of balls, and welcome, the disturbingly Kimmel-esque, Andy Roddick everybody!
*Andy walks out, shakes Jimmy’s hand, and sits down.*

Jimmy: What’s happenin’?

Andy: Nadda.

Jimmy: It’s good to see you, thank you for coming.

Andy: Yea, no problem. Thanks for having me.

Jimmy: Last time you were here -

Andy: I like Guillermo.

Jimmy: You do like Guillermo.

Andy: *imitates Guillermo* Hey Jimmy!

Jimmy: *laughs* You hear that Guillermo? The greatest tennis player in all of America - yea, there he is.

Andy: *laughing* What goin’ on?
*Guillermo gives a thumbs up to Andy*

Jimmy: You want to know what the amazing thing is? I’ll tell you the incredible thing about Guillermo. People don’t realize, Guillermo doesn’t speak any English at all, that was all scripted.

Guillermo: *waves: Ola.

Jimmy: You were here exactly one year ago tonight -

Andy: Yea.

Jimmy: You had a party at the playboy mansion, which you went to, then you came here, and then before the show was over, you went back to the party at the playboy mansion.

Andy: You would’ve too.

Jimmy: Yes, I, I agree. I was thinking about it, probably have way through. How did the party go?

Andy: Uhh, well last year? Last year it went ok.

Jimmy: And there was one last night right?

Andy: And then there was one - the smart people at the ESPY’s, to get the athletes to come, they hold the party at the playboy mansion every year, so uhh, we keep coming back.

Jimmy: And how did you it go for you personally?

Andy: For me personally? *makes a face* I love your, I love, I like your tux.

Jimmy: Thank you very much. So I assume that means it went well? Isn’t your whole life at the playboy mansion really?

Andy: No. *laughs* I wish it was. I met Hugh.

Jimmy: You did?!

Andy: He’s pretty much the coolest person on the planet huh?

Jimmy: Yea, yea he’s pretty uh -

Andy: That’d suck at 82, or 72, or whatever -

Jimmy: Yea, I’m sure he counts those years a little more preciously then you do. This is you from last night. *holds up a photo of Andy with two playboy bunnies* Who are these ladies that you’re posing with there? *Andy laughs* Quite a uh - do you know who these women are?

Andy: Uh, no.

Jimmy: Wow, it must be great to be you. You don’t even remember who they were.

Andy: Righty and lefty.

Jimmy: Did you swim in the grotto?

Andy: Uh no I looked at it. They have like a bed - it’s hot in there though.

Jimmy: Yea, it’s a hot tub.
*Andy and Jimmy laugh*

Andy: It was fun though man. It’s cool though, we’re out for the ESPY’s, and I’m just star struck by all the athletes. I mean, we’re sitting there, you know, having beers, and Peyton Manning, and LeBron James are walking by -

Jimmy: Really?

Andy: Yea, yea, it’s pretty cool.

Jimmy: Now do they want people to know they were there at the playboy mansion? Well, I guess they’re ok with it...

Andy: Well, if they don’t, sorry.

Jimmy: You were right across the street at the ESPY’s tonight.

Andy: I’m actually in the middle of the show.

Jimmy: You’re in the middle show.

Andy: I walked across the street here, and then I’m going to walk back.

Jimmy: You’re nominated for best male tennis player -

Andy: Was.

Jimmy: What happened?

Andy: Naw, I’m just joking. We don’t want to give it away but Roger Federer deserves it. I mean, he’s kicked my butt too many times not to have it this year.

Jimmy: So he won?

Andy: No, it’s not done yet, but it’s pretty much a formality at this point.

Jimmy: Oh I see, alright. So you don’t even have an acceptance speech planned or anything like that?

Andy: No.

Jimmy: Alright *laughing* -

Andy: My acceptance speech would be like, ‘Ship this to Switzerland, to him.’

Jimmy: Alright. What time did you wake up this morning?

Andy: Uh, got up to get some Advil at about... 9:15.

Jimmy: Uh huh, and the second time?

Andy: Yea, about 10:30.

Jimmy: About 10:30? Aw, that’s not too bad. So you, are you dating anyone right now? Do you have a girlfriend?

Andy: I’m not. I’m not.

Jimmy: Yea, you don’t bring a date to the playboy mansion.
*Lots of loud cheers from the crowd*

Jimmy: A lot of - an unhealthy number of guys clapping.

Andy: It’s a little scary.

Jimmy: You were just at Wimbledon -

Andy: Yea.

Jimmy: - which has got to be, you’re still such a young guy, even though you’ve been through so many things, and Roger Federer, he played unbelievably, people say maybe he played the best tennis match anyone has ever played, unfortunately against you.

Andy: Yea that was uh, that was pretty annoying of him. No, it was, it was tough, I had a good run to the final but uh, I’ve lost to him three years in a row there, so I joked afterwards that uh, maybe I’ll just like punch in the locker rooms or something. Next time.

Jimmy: You should do something!

Andy: Yea, just uh, just stir the pot a little, make him think about it.

Jimmy: Hire Tanya Harding, she hasn’t been doing anything for a while.

Andy: *laughing* Where’s Jeff Gillooley when you need him?

Jimmy: That’s a great reference, it really is.

Andy: You wish you would’ve thought of it, don’t you?

Jimmy: Yea well, I’ll be thinking of it for a while.

Andy: It’s ok, you’ll get better at this thing.

Jimmy: I heard that - keep your fingers crossed - that you and Dave Matthews are good friends now.

Andy: Yea I uh, I’ve been a fan of his for a while now, I actually hosted SNL a couple of years ago and he was the musical act, and I’ve been to a bunch of his shows, and he’s uh, he’s a pretty good guy.

Jimmy: That’s pretty cool. You see a band, and you like them, then you get to be friends with them, and hang out with them.

Andy: Well, I uh, they would probably call it stalk them, but yea ‘be friends’ is good.

Jimmy: Are they tennis fans?

Andy: Yea, they’ve come out to a couple matches. Actually the violinist, Boyd Tinsley, has come out to a bunch of tennis events, and he’s a pretty big tennis guy.

Jimmy: That’s great. And also, Elton John is someone that you’re friendly with. How did you guys meet?

Andy: Uh, actually a couple of years ago this magazine called Interview magazine called me up and said Elton John wants to interview you, I said, ‘That’s cute, that’s funny.’ I didn’t really believe them, then he called and did his whole *in an english accent*, ‘Oh, this is Elton John, and...’

Jimmy: Really, and what sort of things did Elton ask you? What you’re wearing ect?

Andy: He said, he said why are you going on that Jimmy Kimmel Show?

Jimmy: Believe me, he’s never heard that name. But that’s pretty cool, do you like hang out with Elton, or was it just the interview?

Andy: No he actually helped me uh, this year I threw an event, I run an charitable foundation, and I asked him to come play for us. So he came and played for 400 people. He came and played in Texas. So uh, that was pretty solid of him. And we raised a bunch of money, so it was pretty cool.

Jimmy: That’s a pretty great favor to be able to call in there.

Andy: Yea, now I have to - he runs a tennis event so I’ll have to be doing that for the next 10 years to make up for his one appearance.

Jimmy: Oh he does? He’s a tennis player also huh?

Andy: Uh yea, he plays, he plays a little bit.

Jimmy: Alright so, what’s your plan for tonight, for after the party? After the ESPY’s?

Andy: Um, I think it’s going to be an early night, I’ll probably get some sleep. *makes a face as if to say, ‘Yea right.’*

Jimmy: *laughing* That seems unlikely to me. Are you having fun?

Andy: It’s a blast. I love coming out here for these two days. You know, you kind of see the sports and entertainment worlds collide for two days, and it’s really fun.

Jimmy: I was talking about your sex life, but yea, that’s good too. Well you must be excited -

Andy: These are actually about the only two days a year where - ok, no.

Jimmy: Well you must be thrilled because women adore you, Elton John obviously has a mad crush on you, and you get to hang around with the Dave Matthews Band. It’s good to be you right?