"Honestly I thought I was being Punk'd." said Phillies General Manager Ruben Amaro Jr. "We get an ace pitcher without losing any of our top minor league players? But then [Indians General Manager Mark] Shapiro gave me a call and assured me there was no punking in place."

According to secret documents acquired by Keith is Good! Sports! (at a cost of many Bothan lives), the deal originally included a request that each Indians' fan be personally sodomized; a clause written out of the final contract.

When pressed on this point, Amaro Jr. shrugged his shoulders.

"I didn't feel the need for that particular clause. I mean, we came close enough anyway, right?"