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Cecil Murphey

Cecil Murphey has written or coauthored more than one hundred books, including the autobiography of Franklin Graham, "Rebel with a Cause" and the New York Times best-seller "90 Minutes in Heaven." Cecil lives in Georgia and travels extensively to speak on topics such as writing, spiritual growth, caregiving, significant living, sexual abuse, and recovery. Prior to launching his career as a full-time writer and speaker, he served as pastor of Riverdale Presbyterian Church in Metro Atlanta, as a volunteer hospital chaplain for ten years, and was a missionary in Kenya for six.

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How are sexual abuse survivors to overcome the challenges they are sure to face? Finding strength in community with other survivors is one key to recovery. In Not Quite Healed, co-written with Gary Roe, two survivors join forces to share insight and encouragement on the issues that challenge them most. After a candid discussion about each issue, the authors provide a self-affirming statement that men can study, memorize, and recite on their darkest days.

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Press Release

Shouldn’t I be healed by now?

In Not Quite Healed, childhood sexual abuse survivors Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe offer hope and encouragement to men on the journey of recovery

Seattle: Survivors of sexual abuse face a long road to recovery, a journey in which they often ask, “Shouldn’t I be there by now?” Having faced the recovery process themselves, Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe, in Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (Kregel Publications/March 8, 2013/ISBN 978-0825442704/$14.99), honestly and openly assure fellow survivors that healing is a process, which by definition means it doesn’t happen quickly—but it will happen.

“I wish I could say I’m totally healed, but that would be a lie,” writes Murphey. “This much I can say: I’m as straightforward and transparent as I’m capable of being. In the recovery process, I’ve searched relentlessly for total healing. I don’t know if that labels me quick or slow, truly open or slightly self-deceived. Some men heal quicker than others do—we know that. But I challenge the statement of anyone who boasts of total healing from sexual abuse in eight months or a year. Or even ten years.”

Not only do the authors understand, encourage, explain, relate, and guide survivors to the path of healing, they shed light on eye-opening truths about abuse that are beneficial to family, friends and those in ministry. For example, the majority of survivors of childhood sexual abuse were kids who did not feel loved by or of value to their parents and sought the attention and affection of an adult who would show kindness to them. In fact, most perpetrators of sexual abuse (whether male or female) are adults a child not only knows, but trusts. Abusers have a keen ability to find and target such children and take advantage of their vulnerability and innocence.

A victim’s need for love, a sense of abandonment and violation of trust affects relationships for a lifetime. Most men experience difficulty in expressing their emotions, and male survivors feel less like real men if they admit their pain. However, as the writers proclaim, no one heals alone, and they hope the stories and experiences within Not Quite Healed will give readers strength to face the road ahead. Murphey and Roe know about struggling to rely on God, living behind a mask, dealing with flashbacks or wrestling with the need for forgiveness. They dive deep into the long-term effects of abuse such as pornography addiction, same-sex attraction, varying degrees of fear and anxiety and other behaviors spurred on by a need for approval and acceptance.

The authors get to the heart of why childhood sexual abuse impacts its victims so deeply. “At our core, we’re sexual creatures, male and female. This is part of being created in the image of God. When others abuse us sexually, they touch us at the center of our being,” Roe asserts. “Everything becomes skewed and produces a ripple effect that spreads through our entire personhood. The abuse alters the way we view ourselves, others, God and life itself.”

Each chapter closes with a self-affirming truth that will carry readers through the process of real healing. A few of the statements for meditation and repetition include:

— I am not quite healed; I am a healing-in-progress.

— I was a needy, innocent child; someone took advantage of me. I wasn’t bad; something bad was done to me.

— Pornography is a substitute for intimacy. I choose to strive for the real thing.

— Despite my attractions and desires, I don’t have to give in to any wrong impulses.

— I’ll never be fully healed if I hide the secrets of my past. A big step—and a difficult one—is to move out of darkness into light.

— Admitting I need help is a sign of humility, not weakness. Reaching out for help is a sign of courage.

— The tools that helped me survive as a child are no longer the tools I need to enjoy my adult life. Now I can consciously choose my tools.

“For those impacted by the devastation of sexual abuse, and given the sad reality that we’ve come to grasp one grisly newscast after another, one hopes this book finds its intended readers. I applaud the courage of both authors for writing such a difficult book.” — CBA Retailers + Resources

About the Author

Cecil Murphey has written or co-written more than 135 books, including the bestsellers 90 Minutes in Heaven (with Don Piper) and Gifted Hands: The Ben Carson Story (with Dr. Ben Carson). His books have sold in the millions and have brought hope and encouragement to countless people around the world.

Murphey stays busy as a professional writer and travels extensively to speak on topics such as writing, spiritual growth, caregiving, significant living, sexual abuse, and recovery. Prior to launching his career as a full-time writer and speaker, he served as pastor in Metro Atlanta, as a volunteer hospital chaplain for ten years, and was a missionary in Kenya for six. He currently lives in the Atlanta, GA area.

Gary Roe has been in full-time ministry for more than thirty years, serving as a college minister, a missionary in Japan, and a pastor in Texas and Washington. He currently works as a chaplain and interim pastor in central Texas. He writes a weekly newspaper column and is coauthor (also with Cecil Murphey) of Saying Goodbye: Facing the Loss of a Loved One. He has three adopted daughters from Colombia who are also abuse survivors.

Suggested Interview Questions

— What are a few of the most common misconceptions about childhood sexual abuse?

— In the opening chapter, you write that healing is a process with a different timetable for each individual. Why do you imply that survivors are not completely healed from childhood abuse?

— Many survivors of abuse – men and women alike – often suffer in silence. Why is it even more difficult for boys and men to speak out about their experience?

— Not Quite Healed gives 40 truths for male survivors – could you share a few of the most important ones?

— What are some of the reasons sexual abuse is especially difficult to overcome?

— Are men who are abused as children more susceptible to certain sexual sins later in life? If so, which are particularly prevalent?

— How often are abusers someone a child actually knows and trusts?

— What are the characteristics that child predators tend to target?

— What are signs of abuse that friends and family should be on the lookout for?

— What should wives of abuse victims be especially sensitive to?

— In the news we hear stories about Penn State or abuse within the church, places parents assume their children will be safe. How can parents be diligent about making sure their children are safe in certain situations?

— As a survivor yourself, what words of encouragement would you like to leave with our audience today?

Cecil Murphey is available for interviews to promote the release of Not Quite Healed. To request a review copy, schedule an interview or for more information, please contact Audra Jennings, audra@litfusegroup.com.

Buzz

“For those impacted by the devastation of sexual abuse, and given the sad reality that we’ve come to grasp one grisly newscast after another, one hopes this book finds its intended readers. I applaud the courage of both authors for writing such a difficult book.” — CBA Retailers + Resources

Reviews

We Are Not So Different

5

Cecil Murphey and Gary Roe shared a book with me via Litfuse that I then shared with my friend, Not Quite Healed: 40 Truths for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse. He sat and looked through this book seeing advice and kinship unfold page after page. It was noticed that so much of what he read was like his Celebrate Recovery meetings. Another affirmation that healing comes from within. We are all torn up in different ways when we are attacked. Yet women and men view many things both the same and separate. The worst part is feeling alone and desperate. Having a aid to help you heal is always worthy. Be it a hand to hold or a book to read. Each piece of advice can help one reach inside and care for that small child that needs to be put back into a whole creature.

Like having a friend to talk to.

5

This is a great book for anyone that knows a child that has had a traumatic experience. It confirms that it is not their fault and it also talks about forgiveness. It tells the reader how to move on and how to start over. It can be read as therapy, and I thought that it was written for the victims. I also thought that it was well written and easy to read. The authors also talk about God and faith. I am giving this book a 5/5. I was given a copy to review, however all opinions are my own.

Not quite healed book review and blog tour

5

I have never been sexually abused as a child. I am not a male. I have had problems with sexuality and abusing God’s purpose of sex. I chose this book because of the topic it focused on. I have read books written to males to help overcome sexual issues (Clean by Douglass Weiss, for example).

To me, the book took on a different approach than other books I read. The first chapter deals with Shouldn’t I be healed by now? The author discusses even though the abuse happened over 20 years ago, he still is not fully healed. He still has issues, he is working on and working through. I liked the honesty in the first few pages. Somethings, in life, we still have remnants, which are lingering behind.

Four Important Truths by Gary Roe, co-author of \"Not Quite Healed\"

5

This is a powerful book about a difficult subject, but authors Gary Roe and Cecil Murphey guide readers through the seas of uncertainty and doubt with wisdom and grace. This book is very intense, but also very empowering in it’s message – there is hope, there is peace.

[Review] Not Quite Healed

5

An adult that was sexually abused as a child, carries the memories all their lives. Having the memory does not mean healing cannot happen. It does mean that the abused must have tools to help in their “warfare” against past abuse. I believe the transparency of Roe and Murphey will be a beginning point and a blessing for anyone reading this book.

Very Well Written

5

So you are probably wondering why in the world I even reviewed this book-I’m not a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The answer is because I find these books interesting, I love insight into solving issues and psychology type books. I also have read a few and I think some books are better than others and if I really like a book I pass it on to someone who could find it useful. I liked the general layout of the book and I think the point of view is important for those living the Christian life or wanting to. There are steps, things are made clear, the authors do a great job on handling the issue and pain of sexual abuse. Granted, I have not been through this myself so I don’t know how it would come across to someone who has been through it. From my point of view it is insightful.

Not Quite Healed

5

Obviously I am not a male, so you might be wondering why I am reviewing a book about male survivors of sexual abuse? The truth is, I can relate. Even though men and women heal and react differently, there is still a considerable amount of information that was helpful to me. I do not recommend all women read it, especially those who are just beginning their journey. I do however recommend it to all men who have survived sexual abuse or men who know another man/boy going through their healing process. If you are a mother who has a son healing from sexual abuse, some of this might be helpful to you.

Not quite Healed

4

This book was not any easy read, I had a hard time with it all the emotions you go though while reading it, BUT I am so glad Cecil was lead to write it. Sadly it is a much needed book.

I would say that I recommend this book to anyone who has a man in their life that has been sexually abused.
This is a very good book to help them start the healing that they so deserve.
I have given this book 4 stars.
I was given a copy of this book by the publisher for my honest review.

Need not be a survivor to appreciate this book

5

Considering it’s a book by, for, and about men, Not Quite Healed addresses the importance of naming and experiencing difficult feelings admirably well. It also faces forthrightly what some may find a discouraging truth: that complete healing from childhood sexual abuse may or may not happen in the victim’s lifetime. Both authors are mature Christians, and though they only occasionally quote Scripture, they offer godly perspective for survivors. They write with an appropriate balance of gravitas and compassion, balancing a grim reality with helpful encouragement.

Helpful Book

5

This is a book that can truly help so many people, which is very sad. I do not know what happened to the GOLDEN RULE….for those of you who do not know what this rule is….It is one we all must learn…..it is in Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” New International Version
This is my prayer for all…really for ALL people….I am constantly struggling daily with the things I see posted on facebook and on the news…it breaks my heart and I cannot image how GOD’s heart must feel..
I know too many people who have gone through this and struggle to this day in their daily lives because of it. This book is a necessity for these very same people. It is honest and real….
If you know someone who has gone through this or you are in a ministry that helps those who have gone through this …..GET THIS BOOK…
May the Lord God continue to use and help Cecil and Gary in helping others to know they are loved.
In Jesus Matchless Name Amen