Sunday, 1 December 2013

The New Testament explained scientifically. By the reverend Norman
du Sautoy-Blainkinsopp Cof E.

There are many things in the Bible which may well
superficially seem wondrous, and are used by those with doubts to undermine the
teachings of the Bible. However with a more educated mind one can quickly see
simple coherent solutions that are perfectly reasonable explanations for some
of the more exotic parts of the good book. There is no need for one to turn one’s
back on rational physics, as many of these doubters claim.

There are parts of the Jesus story which may on the surface
seem inconsistent with our knowledge of physics, but which on closer examination are not only easily
accounted for, but that in themselves
throw light on the whole story.

For a long time the doubters have scoffed at the story of the
virgin birth, using terms like impossible, and saying that could never happen,
However as science has advanced there is
now no doubting the existence of Parthenogenesis. Not only does reproduction
without the need for intercourse not break the rule of physics, but we now know
it is a common occurrence among some lizards. And through study of this
subject, and experimentation on animals like dolly the sheep, it can now be
said that we understand a good deal about this subject.

There seems to be good reason why most animals reproduce
sexually, which is that in swapping DNA it seems to lessen the chances of a
single infection running unchecked through the whole species. Also inbreeding
can lead to genetic errors. I have also read that in many of the cloned animals
like dolly the sheep they have shown significant signs of physical weakness,
shortened life span and the like. So if we accept that on one hand in parthenogenesis
the living thing might be bred true on the other there is an element that some minor
abnormalities might be displayed.

Now let us think about what we mean by abnormality. Often we
confuse disability and abnormality thinking of them as the same thing, but
could we not say a child protégée gifted at say maths is abnormal. So would it
not be rational to think our lord was at least gifted with some abnormalities,
and if so this would this not be entirely consistent with Virgin Birth?

In direct evidence there is very little about our lord’s features,
but by examining the tale closely we can draw some direct evidence and in
putting these fragments together we are able to come up with simple and
truthful explanations for parts of the story
which hither to, unbelievers have been known to throw scorn on.

Thus when we think about parthenogenesis and the
characteristics that come with it can we find explanations about the stories of
the Messiah?

Yes we can, there is an explanation for why the crucifixion,
which was designed to be a method of execution that took many days took such a relatively
short time in this case. We are able to say why he rode into Jerusalem on an ass, and this will show that
the walking on water was far from being a fantastic fairytale was a normal
reportage of the truth. Further more, at last we can in doing this talk about
the specific appearance of Jesus.

Now would it surprise you all of the above could be
explained by just one feature of our lords body, just one attribute our lord
was gifted with. Do we not encounter the mind of god when we see that which
would bring down many men, is a disability that elevates another to the very vaults
of heaven. And but putting the parts together we can see this is as true of
Christ himself as it is of all of Gods creation.

God endowed his son with massive feet. Once this is
understood everything makes sense. Normal birth would be out of the question if
the feet are so large. Jesus would find it difficult to walk long distances
without a rest. Which is why he needed a long sit down in the temple as a
child, and had to complete the last leg (no pun intended) of the journey to Jerusalem on a donkey.
Walking and balancing on water would become a breeze with large enough feet
that floated on the lake. Also the weight of massive feet when he was nailed to
the cross would be very taxing and as such probably did hasten his death. Even
the ascension is explained. Once the body is laid to rest on his back his massive feet would be the highest points
on the body, consequently as the body starts to decompose the gasses produced
would tend to levitate to the highest
points and once the feet were inflated sufficiently this would naturally lift
the body skyward, also the rapid
inflation of the feet in an enclosed
tomb creating a massive air pressure would obviously explain why the seal on
the tomb would be broken, and the
stone then naturally pushed from the
door. Thus the ascension is not some made up story, but the very working of
Physics!

Friday, 29 November 2013

Hark this you Poltroons, cowards, skulkers and dastards

Let it be known that this noncompliance dance being put
about by that Mr flaming crocodile spacemen Icke has
nothing to do with the noble art of Irish dancing. It is
not originated from, transcribed from or has in any way connection with
the beautiful and expressive arts of the emerald isle. The unedifying sight
of Mr Icke cavorting about in his gym knickers does nothing for me, and I would
leave it as that if it was not for this Icke person claiming he was taught the dance by a long dead druid from Donegal. How dare
he join up these dots and then place himself at the centre of it. This is
further exacerbated that this Messiah of the bewildered is following the money
all the way to the bank, and it is said will be selling exclusive videos of his
dance-a-cise programme to all of his
flock. This must be stopped now! Michael Flatley will be spinning in his grave.

Have these people no scruples, is this just another example
of the English boot treading all over the culture if Ireland? When will this humiliation
end?

This proper Irish dancing

This is not the same thing at all

Look they move their arms!

Ibrahim Cossovf,

Director of the international Institute of dead from the
waste up Irish dance studio Association.

Thursday, 28 November 2013

These folks look all normal to you,yes they do to me just
like my folks having a shindig, but they sure as an’t!
You all call me a conspiracy nut, but like they’ve all been
infiltrated. I an’t been taken in. Yo, yeah, and I know who is at the back of it
all man. Yo and I have knows it for years man.Yeah you’ll put me down. Said I
stunk, like a wet raccoon. You goats, you’ll eat all their lies man. Well I got
footage now your gunna have to sit up and listen to this ‘fruit cake’ now an’t
yar!

Its all about tea man, just follow the money. It is about
tea and its always been about tea, and it won’t stop being about tea, until you
all get down on the streets. All those little iddy biddy leaves floating about in
your fluids, getting at your brain man. In here, infecting your soul man! What
you gunna do? You got to reach down and get in there man, grab a hold of it,
pull it out and shove it in their faces man, You got to
show them we an’t gunna take it laying down, this an’t no party. I an’t gunna drink you’r tea dude.
I’m turning off your faucet dude. Don’t you dare recon I don’t know -

My giddy aunt, there has been a lot of loose talk over
resent years about those who have been placed above us by happenstance.

As a gentleman’s valet it has been my privilege to serve many
a right honourable gentleman for more than twenty years, I have to report they
are a very much maligned group of people.

There has been a lot of tosh written about our betters, as
if the common herd are taking into their collective bonces that there is
something wrong with privilege. Why I have to ask are you of under-classes not
content with the realisation that you are genetically inferior’? Why do you
think God created a system of inter breeding for the upper classes if it was
not to keep power away from your squalid gene pool?

I personally hold you and your type of discontents responsible for
much of this inane chatter.

My gentleman Lord Fergus of Othnigar, has been a member of
the dinner club ‘Gentlemen in surge’ for
many years. Do I really have to point out to you this is just a normal
establishment for the well at healed.
The ‘Gentlemen in surge’ club was established in 1845 for those good souls who have a predilection
for wearing suits, after dinner high jinx, and meeting
similar parties of the right social stature.

Since 1991 I have had to put up with reading a lot of
drivel, even in the quality press, blaming this club and presumably all it
members for all the ills in the world. People saying it is a Jewish plot etc.
Let me assure you there are no members of ‘Gents in Surge’ that are Jewish in
origin (do you think the members of such an esteemed club would accept as a
brother an individual of that dubious background? Well honestly that would take
the biscuit! True the members do buy their suits from Manny Shinwell’s gentlemen’s
outfitters Clarkenwell Berkshire, but surly nobody would think a tailor could
weald any sort power when faced with the committee.

It has come to a pretty pass when every time there is some
sort of to do in Arab land that the members of my employer’s club are blamed
for it. Bombings, shootings and all sorts of goings on. Yes I read this sort of
thing every day it now seems, gentlemen in surge did this that or the other
they say. (I have also to mention as a side issue the falling standards of the
education system, journalists nowadays use all sort of poor spellings and
abbreviations hither and thither. Children these days seem far too concerned
twonking on their Samsungs, and not being taught how to write correctly, and I have to ask
where are the teachers in all this? I have to say standards have certainly gone down since the Nanny
state outlawed the cane, strap, and noose from these comprehensive schools with
their anything goes policies.)

Anyway back to the point, I want it to be known that blaming
my employer’s club for every bally thing that goes on will have to stop, and I
will be able to once again read my paper without headlines like
‘insurgents’ did this or that monkey
business!

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

For the attention of the inner sanctum of the Absurdish Liberation Army.

Dear non-gender specific individuals,

Now the transparent Revolution is well under way, I think
our thoughts ought to turn to a post revolutionary numbering system.

The problem with all numbering systems used up to this date is that they all stem from the same beginnings, and
although different societies have used
different bases for their numbers like a base of 60 in ancient Babylon,
the almost universal use of the decimal
system used in engineering, and transactions now, or the binary system used in
computing, it seems to me the presumptions
that came with the first known examples of people using
numbers has never been questioned. This I propose has lead to a fundamental
misunderstanding of the patterns within the numbering system which will not be
challenged properly until we set up a new system of numbering which does not
have these assumptions written into its very structure.

We have to remember the first known use of a numbering
system had a specific purpose which was to record property. This system developed
in ancient Iraq
was for the specific purpose of quantifying property and recording transactions
of a financial nature.

The sender would insert a number of stones in a ball of clay
when sending sheep to another party.

The recipient would break the clay open and be able to check
the number of sheep he received was the same as the stones in the clay, and in
this way would know if any sheep had been lost in transit. The Numbers we use
today developed from this system when signs started to be written on the
outside of the clay to signify how many
stones were held within it.

This is the problem with our numbering systems because they
are all developed from that original. They have in them a culture which
inherently wishes to quantify the world. Is it any wonder with this system
developed for the needs of the owning classes, that it produces societies which
are materialist in nature? Systems which block together like things, without
any reference to individuality so that they can be owned and used by
unscrupulous individuals? Yes
Accountants!

A system which ratifies all the worst excesses of ownership.
Think about it, every problem humanity has today is down to accounting. You
can’t do this, have that, or spend your time enjoying life, because the system
which is all about ownership and accountants says you can’t afford it.

You see this is the problem with using a system that has
been developed for accountancy. It is inherently materialistic and reductive.
It’s only interested in owner ship. Think of this simple example; John has two
apples, he tales two more, how many apple has John? Answer four.

Where is the Morality?

I hope you can see in this equation how the insidious culture
of the accountant is almost imperceptibly introduced to our children so that it
will alter their entire consciousness!

If John has two Apples why would he need more?

Notice there is no means of referencing in the equation the possible
hurt John might be causing through his actions, From where did he take the
Apples, we can now we start thinking about it see how it creates an agenda
where a person with power is enabled to just take what they wish whenever they
wish without reference to a possible old lady who now her apples have been
taken by the usurper John will have to go without!

When we look at the world and the exploitation of the corporations
run by accountants of the third world, we can see why this simple propaganda
done in the early days of schooling is a system they find so important to push
onto us, if we are to rid ourselves of this inherent misconception that leads
to so much suffering we need a new holistic maths not based on ownership!

Yours

Kevin Bevis Junior the twenty seventh point three point two five recurring.