I haven't had a guy seem interested enough in me to even ask me out for a date in years! I usually am the "guys best friend" kind of lady. One that they feel comfortable enough around to talk about the dating woes and why their lady is acting the way she is, or to tell jokes to, but never am I seen as a "dating interest". I gave up on the whole dating thing many years ago, because of that.

I can relate to this. I seem to always be in this predicament, especially with nationalist men! I've had guys tell me, "I respect you too much to date you." What the hell does that mean anyway?

Guys, why haven't you chosen to date your women friends? Is it because of chemistry or her looks?

I'm really tired of being referred to as the "sister type." I mean, I know my screen name is the Abbess, but still!

Once a person fits a certain slot, its hard to break out. Like an actor being typecast.

I've only had one friend turn into a lover. Its usually friend or lover from day one.

As to why? Boldness is always sexier then hesitation.

It works both ways though. I've lost at relationships with at least two women who I regret losing because I was overly timid and the moment slipped away. And one of my ex-girlfriends told me (after the fact) I was in competition with another man, and almost lost the race.

Maybe it's true that you offer the very best in what the man is looking for in
a friend..and therefore, to fall into the category of 'more than that' the
male wants to be the 'leader', and feels threatened by your seeming wealth
of 'whatever'..

Of course that is my opinion.

I have run into a lot of girls that I have worked with in a certain field that
had the issue you are talking about, but the guy in the situation has to be pretty self confident to overcome his feelings of loss of control..

Location: The cultural,intellectual and socio-economic death valley of the U.S.

Posts: 2,269

Re: Question for Guys - the friend or sister type females

Quote:

Originally Posted by Abbess Ectoplasm

I can relate to this. I seem to always be in this predicament, especially with nationalist men! I've had guys tell me, "I respect you too much to date you." What the hell does that mean anyway?

Guys, why haven't you chosen to date your women friends? Is it because of chemistry or her looks?

I'm really tired of being referred to as the "sister type." I mean, I know my screen name is the Abbess, but still!

.

Quote:

Guys, why haven't you chosen to date your women friends? Is it because of chemistry or her looks?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and attempt to answer this.I'll say up front I'm a very cynical middle aged white guy and while i haven't been every where or done everything I've been around a time or two.
With guy's i think it comes down to two things:Looks and personality.

Looks: Ladies you don't have to look like a model in order to attract men.With most women if you take care of your self it will show.I think the biggest turn off to men is fat chicks.To a guy nothing screams i give up or i don't care more than a woman who has let he self go.Here's some advice ladies:Looks hook a man a good personality keeps him around.

Personality: I've met a lot of nice looking ladies that i could not stand to be around because of their personality. Don't be needy or clingy.We don't want to hear how your last 15 to 20 boyfriends or husbands screwed you over. Don't make every little thing in your life into a crisis of epic proportions.
One of the biggest mistakes a lot of women make is not becoming self supporting.By not doing so they go from man to man hoping that some guy will come along and take them out of the rut they have created for themselves.
I know some of this sound harsh but hey you asked.
I'll be the one over in the corner with the asbestos suit on.
FLAME AWAY

I am height, weight proportionate. I support myself, too, so by your logic it must be my shining personality that drives guys away?

It could well be that they fear that your potential rejection of them would make their friendship with you, which they value, much more awkward and perhaps unsustainable. Preferring not to risk it, they might settle for the second best thing, friendship, rather than risking trying to start a relationship with you.

I take it you are traditional and prefer that men initiate the relationship rather than you asking a man out. This is perfectly reasonable, but you might want to broach the subject indirectly - just initiating a conversation on relationships and mentioning off-hand how it is strange that people who become friends rarely make the transition to dating. As the conversation develops, you can mention that you think it might be because people fear awkwerdness in case of rejection would impact the friendship, at which point you can mention that incidently you find it a bit silly and you it certainly wouldn't impact your relationship to a guy if you rejected him... I think you can see what I am getting at. Even if my theory is wrong, this will do you no harm and who knows, I might even be right and you might remove their fears and some time later one of them may approach you to ask you out!

Ehm, before you go and follow my above advice, I must add a disclaimer that I have never actually had a girlfriend, so I might not be best positioned to proffer solutions. Nevertheless, the above is my hypothesis on the matter. Prior to making my post, I have checked the 'Album' in your profile and your looks certainly should give them no reason for hesitation, so the other reasons must be at play, hence my theory.

I've noticed this a lot through the years. I have friends who don't have the guts to walk up to a girl in a bar and say "HI." I think, at least in the cases I've observed, guys, especially white guys, have been brainwashed into the "nice sensitive" guy mentality. They have forgotten that we are the hunters. This often causes guys who do meet a girl, to try hard to be her friend first, and that is a stigma that is hard to get out of.

My best friend is a girl, and we have talked about this to great length. (BTW, she was married when we met, and became friends, and then she got divorced when we had these conversations about this subject, because she felt the same way.) The solution seems much more difficult than the problem. A girl, with a great attitude, who is fun to be around, often it seems gets stuck in this situation, where more demanding bi+chy types seem to end up in relationships. Or girls who are independent, self-sufficient, and outgoing, seem to loose out to decent guys to girls who are needy, demanding, and manipulative. I think this is a defense mechanism in guys who have repressed their naturally aggressive attitude about relationships, who try to compensate by being with someone who makes them feel needed.

As for a solution, I would never ever suggest you change who you are, but be patient, and understand, that most guys are victims of years of brain-washing by the media. Yes, even WN guys may fall into the trap. I actually wouldn't suggest becoming more aggressive, and perhaps compromising what you believe, or who you are. I think it is better to be alone and content, then with someone and miserable.

OH, about this...

Quote:

With most women if you take care of your self it will show.I think the biggest turn off to men is fat chicks.To a guy nothing screams i give up or i don't care more than a woman who has let he self go.Here's some advice ladies:Looks hook a man a good personality keeps him around.

Two things; A womans definition of 'fat' is often quite different than mens, and I feel most women are WAY off. I, and others White men, find a girl with some meat very attractive, and I personally cannot stand the standard set by the media on what is 'sexy'. I would argue that an unattractive heavy girl, with a great attitude, is much much better than a stick skinny girl who's a bi+ch. Second, while I don't condone letting ones self go, I think a much greater disservice, is spending so much time trying to LOOK perfect, that you forget to be a good person. And if that means a girl may have a few too many pounds, so be it.