The results of the in-depth research into Jewish norms in Shushan recently released by the Pew Foundation (The Pew-rim Report) reveal worrying signs of growing assimilation, affecting the future of the Jewish People in Persia’s empire.

It would seem that while levels of “Pride in being Jewish” are at an all-time high, leading even to refusals to bow down to government officials, intermarriage is by no means frowned upon. Indeed the role model of a certain Esther, whose Uncle encouraged her (noch!) to marry the non-Jewish King, has been inspiring beautiful young Jewesses around the empire to follow in her footsteps.

What is more, since the Pew-rim Report (sometimes nick-named the Scroll of Esther, so prominent a role does said maiden take in their research) makes no mention of the children of King and his Jewish wife, we are led to assume they were not brought up as Jews.

European commentators insist the more worrying aspects of the report are in its indicators of rising anti-semitism (referred to as “Hamanism” in the report), while American interpreters are split as to the seriousness of the Esther example. Some cry “Gevalt!”, while others reach for a beer.

While the folks at Makom can only comment that such a painful study of assimilation and anti-semitism is clearly of no educational value, and the Jewish People will no doubt aim to forget it was ever published.