WASHINGTON, DC - Born-again Christian Borlinda Borgia is winning converts with her performance in the religious epic Slave to Her Men. The movie, released this week at local x-rated book stores, has become an overnight success and the talk of the religious community.

Critics unanimously agree that Borgia’s performance as the Christian slave girl who converts an entire room full of pagan Romans with just her hip movements will have every man in the audience rising to the occasion. “I owe all my success to Erda von Schwantz, our high school counselor,” the proud senior told reporters. “Thanks to her guidance, I’m learning to use my body for God’s work!” The voluptuous public school student can be seen between classes in front of HoraceMannHigh School inspiring the students with her religious fervor.