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Ralph Gardner Jr.

The Upper East Side is where those on the way up -- bidding up real estate, wearing too much jewelry -- are in constant conflict with those on the way down. A new chapter in the age-old war between new money and shabby gentility.

Their investment-banker husbands take home millions of dollars a year. They have beautiful children in private schools as well as nannies, trainers, and chauffeurs to help them live the good life. So what do they have to complain about? Plenty.

Never have so many 13-year-olds had so much to dress up for. Some say the low-key bar mitzvah is coming back -- but not until the stock market crashes. Meanwhile, how does a quarter-million-dollar, multimedia, themed extravaganza sound? And will that be with or without the Grucci fireworks?