Friday, April 13, 2007

boys with dogs

so our computer tech had an odd amount of print-outs on his desk of cats. i usually go in there and chat with him when i'm bored, so amidst our usual light conversation i inquired about the kitty prints. yeah, he's a cat man. i find this reassuring in a guy. sandra disagrees, and so does some woman on some blog so bad i forgot about it...

myth: find a man with a dog–he knows how to treat a woman!

possibly the worst advice ever. let's break it down... there's a scale at work here. there are the guys who have dogs in place of women, or have dogs that reflect the sort of women they like. there are guys who have dogs in place of their own manhood. there are guys who really need a hobby to make themselves more interesting, well-rounded, and fill up their time, but instead they get a dog.

first type: guys who have dogs in place of ladies. most usually, they have blandest dogs on the breed spectrum (labradors and the stupid blondes that are golden retrievers). they give them names like "lady", "terry", and "tara". beware this man. harmless for the most part, but he's locked into some weird loyalty issues, and probably likes running around with frisbees way more than you want.

second type: guys who have dogs in place of their manhood. this is either a scary, or sad type of guy. there's nothing really to say about it other than they usually adopt from pounds, have mutts or more meaty breeds like rotweilers. it begins on pleasant intentions. they probably grew up with a palsy relationship with dogs. dogs named 'buddy' and etc. these guys will never think you are as fun as their dogs, and they will either not understand you do not like their dog as much as they do, or they will just assume you do and i'm not sure which is worse...

third type: guys who have been single longer than they want to admit, and their internal daddy clock starts ticking. they get a dog, almost impersonating the childhood boy and dog friendship, but with the alterior motive of using the dog to get out more. to have something interesting to talk about, or relate to people... this can lead to scary levels of man & dog photos in his wallet. it will never make a man as interesting as a good library of books will. oh, but before i forget? if it's a doberman, don't be confused, he's actually a rare breed who has become bored with his elite hobbies and moved on to animal training. it was a toss up between hawks and dobermans. those guys are kinda hot but probably too anal retentive. if there's such a thing.

no, a cat guy is a nice balance because cats don't require the same taking care of as dogs. there's no daddy complex at work, no girlfriend complex... cat's kind of just hang out. there's no getting around it: if you like a cat, it has to be for its personality. but maybe printing out pictures of them is pushing it...