"I'm in love with my sister's girlfriend"

Paul*, 28, from London, has something to get off his chest. It's kinda big...

For us guys, your girlfriend's sister is the one woman you must never fancy… it's the law. Well, I have the opposite problem: I fancy my sister's girlfriend. That's right, my sister Sarah* is gay, and I can't stop thinking about her stunning 'life partner', Lucy*. You might think that's really weird, so let me explain how it all started…

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

When I was about 14 I used to secretly listen in on Sarah's phone conversations, using the phone downstairs. That was when I first heard her confessing that she fancied girls. Sarah was two years above me at school, and when she came out, I was even accused of being gay too— as if it was some kind of hereditary disease. I'm straight, but as we grew up, it became annoying that my sister had all the luck with girls.

Over the years, Sarah bought home battalions of girlfriends. None of them set off even a flicker of excitement in me. Then, two years ago, along came Lucy. She arrived at a family lunch in a pub in Milton Keynes. We've met a lot of Sarah's girlfriends, but even my Dad blushed when he was introduced to Lucy.

I fancied Lucy from the start, but when I got to know her I couldn't stop fantasizing about us being together. She's basically my ideal woman: fun, smart, and sexy as hell. Lucy is 25, and a professional dancer with cute hair and a dancer's body. Anyway, when they got engaged last summer, Lucy arrived at the party in a bikini made from balloons, and did a special dance, popping each balloon with a little pin. I could barely watch. Then it dawned on me: They're getting married and I'm going to suffer like this forever.

Lucy and I hang out a lot because my sister and I have a lot of mutual friends and are close in age, too. All my friends have met Lucy, and my closer mates know how I feel about her. They find it quite funny, and it's a bit of a running joke when I get invited out—my friends ask, 'can you bring your sister…and her fit girlfriend?!' But to me, it's a nightmare. I'll obviously take this one to the grave, but it has affected my getting a girlfriend. I've read that men are attracted to what they can't get, so I suppose on some level, that's why I'm in the grip of such a powerful feeling.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

I think the worst moment for me was when we all went camping about two months ago. There was a dozen of us, friends and family, and Lucy and Sarah, of course. We stayed in this horrendous camp site where the showers were on a meter—five minutes of hot water for 50p. We only had about two fifty pence pieces between us all and the little shop was closed. So Lucy floated the idea of sharing showers. I had to go on a long bike ride—take myself away from the situation.

Spending time alone with Lucy can be hard, too. We went to a furniture warehouse when they moved in together, to help her pick up a new bed (because my van is big enough to carry it). It was weird, walking around the place, testing out new beds with her – we must have looked like a couple. I suppose I liked the idea of it, and enjoyed imagining— if only for a few hours—that we were together. That was until I remembered she was buying the bed to share with my sister. That's what totally freaks me out: Even imagining her sleeping with my sister is…really, really not sexy. (People always ask me: 'Have you heard them having sex?' – No. And 'Who is the man in their relationship?' – Er, neither of them, they're both women.)

I told my best friend David about the whole thing recently, and expected some serious advice. "She is really, really hot," he concurred. "You need to get a girlfriend of your own and that'll take your mind off it."

Cosmopolitan, Part of the Hearst UK Fashion & Beauty Network
Cosmopolitan participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.