Ranting for a Change

My experience with Mr. Just-a-Friend isn’t something I’m particularly proud of. You see, now one knows who Mr. Just-a-Friend is–no one in my personal life, no friends, no family.

I can honestly say that he was a MISTAKE. lol

I met Mr. Just-a-Friend when my “relationship,” with Mr. Insecure was doing a deep spiral downward into Hell. I didn’t particularly like him…he wasn’t my type. I wasn’t too attracted to him…physically, he didn’t make me swoon.

He was ALRIGHT.

After my relationship with Mr. Insecure fizzled down to its last fight, I started to seek attention elsewhere. Any attention would do. Just a little bit to get me through.

Sad, huh?

Well, Mr. Just-a-Friend gave me that little bit of attention… and when I say “little bit,” I mean it. It was minuscule, tiny, barely seen. Both of us agreed at the beginning: No relationship will come out of this. And with that rule came no lubby-dubbyness, no googly eyes, no snuggling, no attention that goes above being “just friends.”

And no telling friends. We kept it a secret.

I thought I would be able to handle this. I thought that if a man can do stuff (no sex…just want to make that clear 🙂 ) without getting attached, then so can I.

Stupid thought.

Because within days my feelings for this guy went from 0 to 60!

I wanted to be around him all the time. I wanted to talk on the phone, to text at all hours of the night. I wanted to snuggle and hug… I wanted to do all the things a young couple who might end up in a relationship do.

But that wasn’t part of the deal.

So I became unhappy. Instead of telling him how I felt, I kept it inside–I didn’t want another replay of rejection like I had the last 3 times. I bottled it up inside.

He might not know it, but Mr. Just-a-Friend taught me a lot.

A woman is an emotional creature whereas men are mostly physical. We can’t do what men can. We can’t sleep around with men and not have an emotional tie with them, it’s IMPOSSIBLE. But a man can never love as hard as a woman does. 🙂

There’s no way in the world you can heal a broken heart with physical contact… it just can’t happen. My feelings were unresolved with Mr. Insecure, so I put it all on Mr. Just-a-Friend–someone who clearly didn’t deserve them. He was in it for the physical, I was in it for the emotions.

Never have a physical connection before an emotional connection–especially if they’re your friend. Physical contact changes the whole dynamic of your friendship. If you can’t see yourself dating someone, then don’t kiss them or make out with them. Not only would you possibly be leading someone else on, but you’ll be leading yourself on.

When a man says he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s just it. HE DOESN’T WANT A RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! You can be the most beautiful girl in the world, but if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you will NEVER be able to change that.

In August, I said good-bye to the town I spent my 4 years of college in and that ended the affair. I had hoped that the secrecy would bind me and Mr. Just-a-Friend together…that we would at least stay in contact with each other, but, of course, that didn’t happen. Out of all of the people I met in college, Mr. Just-a-Friend hasn’t even contacted me once to see how I was doing….