Friday, March 29, 2013

Ass hugger, or, fapping my days away over a keyboard

Once I had
said to a friend of mine that I am an ass connoisseur. Well, indeed I am. I
regret nothing.

Why try to
hide it; if other people’s destinies lie in the stars, mine is located
somewhere near the anal cavity. There is no escape from the pull of the ass.
The ass holds for me the gravity of its bigger cousin, the black hole. The ass
is grandiose, funny and sexy at the same time. It sings. It can kill with a
single whiff. You can caress it and kiss it, slap it, fondle it, bite it. Knead
it and massage it to your heart’s content. Pour chocolate on it. Draw on
it. Dress it, hug it, squeeze it and call it George.
You can find it on both sexes, it’s not exclusive equipment like the penis, the
vagina. Boobs don’t count. They, too, can be found on both sexes.

But the
ass. The ass is beguiling. It holds tight onto its secrets. It can be
stubbornly shut to any approach. Demands respect because it does the dirty job
and rarely complains. Poor ass. So underestimated in your struggle for freedom
and recognition. So divine in your humble guise. Two perfect semicircles with
so much heart in them.

By the way,
I needn’t worry about finding a writer’s pseudonym. I am sure I’ll be nicknamed
the trench coat author. Not because I wear trench coats often (which I do) but
because all my readers will be wearing them, in order to be able to read my
wonderful books on the tube, or in the bus, and masturbate without attracting
too much attention.

This is a convenient place for all those pieces of prose that are not short stories, and can be understood by more than one person to be confined in my diary. If you find yourselves annoyed or disappointed, please move on to another blog. Thank you!

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