This one tugs at the heart strings.. why not hear the emotion in my voice?

This seemed fitting, free and friggin’ cute!

This blog post is linked very closely to my previous one on “Self-sabotage” but hopefully extends on this concept so that you take away something new. A part of self-sabotage is pushing away people that genuinely love and care about you. This might not be a person you see as a potential love interest but even just a friend or family member. This person might have genuine feelings of love and compassion toward you and yet, in the depressed state you find yourself in, you are either unwilling or unable to accept their light into your life. It is kind of like you have had the light off for some time and then someone has suddenly turned it on and it blinds you. It’s too much for you! The positivity they emanate can be too much for your perpetual darkness. But that darkness doesn’t have to exist forever…

So what can you do to overcome this, you ask? A major issue here is insecurity! You feel inferior to this person because they possess something or some things you do not. This isn’t necessarily a physical thing but even just a mental gift that they have which you lack. In fact you might seem like the more successful person than them when it comes to material things like housing or a job. They may also tell you what you need to hear as opposed to what you want to hear. They love you as you are yet they are not going to lie to you and tell you that you are perfect. They would love to see you change your life for the better and this is the core issue. Whilst their love might be unconditional their hope that you change is never ending too and for you change is HARD. You want to avoid this person so you can put off changing and growing. You don’t want to let them down. This is why you push them away.

Do not feel inferior to this person. You are not and if they thought you were then they wouldn’t even spend the time looking out for you. View yourself on an even playing field as this other person who cares for you. Secondly, be grateful that this person wants you in their life irrespective of whether you change or not. There is literally no pressure on you to do anything at all so be thankful for that. You’ve got all the time in the world to grow when someone unconditional is lifting you up and supporting you. Third – when you are ready face your demons. Try doing life differently – not for this other person but for yourself! The other person is going to be there for you whether you do it or not, whether you fly or fall…

Anyway this blog post is way too emotional for me to write so I am going to have to wrap it up now. I just have to implore you all not to push away love in your life, not in any form. Love doesn’t just mean romance and flowers and whatever. Love is so much more than that and could honestly fill your soul with so much more than you currently have. Never say no to love. Love is literally everything in this world and what makes this world turn. We would be nothing and nowhere without it.

Maybe you are an auditory learner rather than reading/writing – if so click play!

An emotion that depressed people are often riddled with is guilt. This guilt is usually something we feel at the hands of something that either we have thought, said or done or something that somebody has said to us regarding our thoughts, words or actions.

Personally I have felt both guilty at the hands of my own thoughts, words or actions and due to something I have been told by others about my own thoughts and behaviour. When I did things I was not proud of, in the past, it took me a very long time to forgive myself. Self-forgiveness is key in order to let go of the negative feeling of guilt and move forward in your life. Once you forgive yourself you can make a commitment to not think, say or do whatever it was that made you feel guilt in the first place.

Just to reiterate from a previous blog post on perfectionism, anxiety and depression: it is OK to make mistakes. It is NOT ok to not forgive yourself and wallow in your sorrow. It is even less OK to look at your mistake and think “well ok this is who I am and this is who I have to be from here on in” and then self-sabotage so as to keep repeating the mistake into the future without a finishing line in sight (see “Self Sabotage”).

If you can master self-forgiveness and making a commitment to doing better in the future then that is great. However, often times even when we forgive ourselves and make this commitment we can break it and make the same mistake twice, three times or even more. Again, this is normal and OK. Obviously it would be ideal to learn from this error the first time around but sometimes it takes longer. The point is that you keep trying to improve each time and truly believe that it will not happen again. So long as you are being genuine and wholeheartedly trying to make a change then it is OK.

“Keep on keeping on”

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”

Now sometimes we think, say or do things that we think are perfectly acceptable but other people around us, such as our family or friends disagree with. Like I mentioned in my previous blog post “Seeking Advice” – if what somebody says to you does not match your inner voice then reflect upon this. Check who it is that is making you feel guilty. Do they have the authority to make you feel this way? NO. No one should make another person feel guilty since guilt is a negative emotion that only serves to lower our vibrations and positive energy.

This is not to say that you should never feel guilty. If you do something terrible e.g. steal from an old, sick person for your own financial gain – then yes feel guilt. Feel it briefly then make a commitment to do better – then do better and don’t repeat this mistake.

So let’s summarise this post:

Guilt is a negative emotion that influences depression

We can feel guilt due to our own reflections on our thoughts, words or actions or because others’ have opinions on what it is we do, say or think.

Self-forgiveness is crucial to move on with your life, let the negative energy go and make space for more positive emotions.

Once you’ve forgiven yourself truly then make a commitment to not reoffend

Mistakes are normal and you may slip up on your promises more than once – sort of like me trying to diet…

One poor choice doesn’t have to dictate the rest of your life- quit self sabotaging!

Only make commitments to change if you genuinely believe you can do them or there’s no point.

Be weary of who is making you feel guilty and recognise that nobody has the right to make you feel this way. If you have truly done something wrong the guilt should come from within you – you shouldn’t need someone else to be your moral compass.

Remove guilt to let in room for more positive feelings

Experience guilt when it is necessary but do so briefly – do not wallow in it

I hope this blog post helped you in some way. If so do not forget to like, comment, share or follow The Daily Rant Journal.

I have previously written about my own struggles with perfectionism and how that led to anxiety and depression for me. Today’s blog post relates to the idea of perfectionism as it is about how difficult it can be to accept criticism.

I also previously mentioned that you should not take advice from people less successful than you, or not equipped to give you it. The same goes with feedback. You should be open to feedback from people with the authority to give you it such as a teacher or elder, with similar experiences to you. A younger person may also be equipped to give you feedback depending on their experiences and maturity level.

“Age is only a number”

So what is the difference between feedback and advice? When I write about feedback I am writing about some sort of critique that somebody gives someone in regards to a thought or an action. Advice, on the other hand, is something that somebody gives someone with the hope of helping to guide them to improve in some way.

So where am I going with this post? I want to convey the idea that it is crucial to be open to feedback from the right kind of person. Discerning who is the right kind of person is difficult because as I said it is not as simple as looking at somebody’s age. Also look at the person critiquing you. Do they seem to be doing it to bring you down or do they seem genuinely loving and interested in seeing you flourish? It is pretty easy to figure out when someone is jealous and being negative and when someone is being real and positive!

Do not be defensive when the right sort of person gives you feedback. Thank them and remain respectful so that they will be comfortable enough to give you it again. You can scare people off when you are playing defence and make them feel bad about doing absolutely nothing wrong. Instead, stay humble! You have much to learn from others so don’t throw away this valuable gift.

When you ask for feedback, don’t shut it down the moment you get some that you don’t agree with. Why ask for it if you cannot take it? If you truly thought you were flawless then you would never have asked to begin with. Remember perfection is a myth but improving on your current performance is not. You can do and be better but to do this you have to let go of your defensive coping mechanism and fragile ego.

“Let it go, let it go” – Elsa, Frozen

So it is time to wrap up this post with a sexy list!

Take advice from the RIGHT kind of people

The right people have no gender, age, experience level BUT do have your best intentions at heart and are not jealous or insulting

Defensiveness gets you nowhere but into good old DENIAL LAND!

“Bitch, be humble!” – Kendrick Lamar

Be grateful for people’s criticism and give them the right platform to provide it

If you ask for feedback, take it even if you do not agree with it

Perfection doesn’t exist but improvement does

Fragile egos are not cute!

Thanks for reading this blog post. I hope it resonated with you and if it did like, comment, share or follow the Daily Rant Journal.

My past depression was influenced by the fact that I used to do things with the hope that I would receive something back, not solely because I loved doing them. I won’t bore you about how money is the root of all evil since I already wrote a pretty lengthy blog post about capitalism’s destruction of the nuclear family and mental health previously (See ‘Cash rules everything around you’). I will, however, say that often times we make decisions based on the monetary reward we reap for doing so. A big decision that comes to mind is the career or job we choose to do.

Given we spend about 40 hours per week working, it is crucial that our choice of job or career is not based purely on its pay. If it is and we actually derive no joy out of what it is that we do then we will never truly be happy. I know that I personally chased the wrong careers and jobs because I let money drive my decisions, rather than my heart, but I stopped doing that and I have never been happier.

It’s not just jobs that we choose in the hopes of getting something back. We might behave this way in our personal relationships as well. Do you cook a meal for your family because you want something from them? Is it their praise, company, love.. or otherwise? Or do you just do it because you enjoy doing it? Do you buy your partner designer gifts so that he, or she, will do something for you? Or do you just buy the person the gift because you love them and you want to show them love? The following idiom relates to this idea.

“I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.”

As humans we do not like feeling as though we owe people something so it is much better to avoid doing this. Do things because you want to do them, because the “doing” actually gives you the pleasure, not what comes afterwards. If you are only doing things because you are expecting something back then you are not really being genuine. True generosity occurs when a person gives to somebody or something without a promise of receiving anything in return. It is a part of unconditional love. I’m sorry, I can’t resist a good quote and this one really sums up the point of this blog post.

“Expect nothing, appreciate everything”

I hope this blog post helped you in some way. If you want to like it, comment, share or follow so that I can keep feeling encouraged to do the “work” that I do then please do so! However, I write this blog because I love it, not for views, comments, shares or follows so I’ll be pursuing this either way.

“You are the key to your own happiness and you are also the lock so you fit perfectly.”

Powerlessness is rampant in our postmodern world, particularly with the major challenges our society faces. Consequently we often view ourselves as meaningless pawns in a game of chess played by the wealthy and privileged elite.

However, this is not true. We can always induce change no matter how small, or insignificant, it might seem. Perhaps we can not heal the whole world on our own but we can always change our own inner worlds. It just takes self-belief.

Do you feel trapped? Some of us feel squelched by our work, family, personal relationships or otherwise. We can get into a mindset of helplessness where we truly believe that no change we make could have any effect on our happiness but this could not be further from the truth.

Are you in a relationship or marriage you hate? Do you feel like you have no control or trust at work? Have your family been guilt tripping you and stopping you from doing the things you want to do?

If you answered yes to any of those questions then think about possible solutions. You could take a break from your partner, go on holidays, have a meeting with your boss, take a sick day or ignore a phone call from your mum.

Of course you could take it a lot further… I don’t know much about law but I’m pretty sure that divorce is totally this cute thing that exists to ensure people are not forced to spend the entirety of their lives in misery. Looking for new work or quitting even without plan B, if money is not an issue, are also options. Sit down with your family and discuss your feelings in an open and honest way without being afraid of their reactions or feelings. You are not responsible for those, as I mentioned in a previous blog post. If you speak your truth and it is upsetting for others, it may be reality and fact that they have a problem with accepting, not you.

Practising powerlessness is accepting your status as a victim of others’ cruel actions. Victimising yourself is often convenient and can even feel good as blaming others helps us justify our own issues. However, the reality is that other people’s terrible actions are not responsible for our reactions. We are. Sure they influence our reactions but ultimately we have the power to react in given ways.

So you might just think I am rambling, ranting and raving on… and look you have a point… BUT I have actually experienced this phenomenon in my own personal life so I will share my learning with you now.

I used to live with somebody who is very likely undiagnosed and untreated with manic depression, or bipolar, and borderline personality disorder. Again, I am not a doctor and cannot make that professional judgment but given that that person raised me and I learned my behaviour from her and since got diagnosed with those same things it is definitely not weird that I am making an assumption.

I was very unhappy living with this person because her actions influenced my reactions, although I now realise it is not her fault I reacted that way. My problem was and probably still is that I liked to picture myself as a victim. I even describe myself as Matilda from Roald Dahl’s classic book (also what an awesome film!). I liked to victimise myself and place the blame on her for all my misery.

Then one day I just stopped. I let go of the resentment that was tearing me apart. It freed me and I felt depression literally dissipate from my body as if a switch had been flicked. But how did I get to this place? Well I stopped thinking of myself as powerless, grew courage and actually made a change in my life. For me, that change was to move out of my family home.

I don’t want to bore you with my sob stories so I will wrap up this blog post now with a summary. YOU hold ALL the power in your life and not anybody else. It is only fear stopping you from making change. FUCK FEAR right off now! Do not let anybody else let you feel trapped or out of control. Take back the reigns, make choices and free yourself from your pain. Do not delay. The sooner you do it, the sooner you will feel the hate and pain flow out of your body, leaving room for nothing but all that good stuff- joy, love, success and so on.

You are the key to your own happiness and you are also the lock so you fit perfectly. So turn the key and unlock your potential today! Do not waste one more day locked outside, away from all the positive things that await you. I wasted 26 years of my life, I hope you will do better.

I hope that this has helped you all in some way. Please feel free to like, comment, share or follow my blog.

Thanks,

Diana Lidia Petrolo

xoxo

“You are the key to your own happiness and you are also the lock so you fit perfectly.”

“Do not put all your eggs in one basket” is not only a cute cliché but completely sound advice. We are often told to follow our passion, as if we are entitled to have just one. This is a dangerous idea for one’s mental health. A better idea is to have many fulfilling passions, interests, hobbies and relationships.

Sometimes we put 100% into a single thing, whether it be a relationship, job, hobby or otherwise and as we know our best is not always good enough. Sometimes we fail and failure hurts a lot more when we don’t have anything to fall back on, when we have no plan B. If you invest all your time, happiness and energy into one person or thing then you are really putting yourself at risk.

While I’m on a roll with clichés, here is another one…

“Nothing lasts forever.”

Now this is not me being a negative Nancy. This is just fact. People die. Animals die. All living organisms die. Jobs end. You might quit. You might get fired. Friendships end. An argument or poor action might end it. People get sick – physically and mentally and it can stop them doing things they love like sports, hobbies, work and so on. Basically SHIT HAPPENS. Life is unpredictable as hell so we need to just live in the present moment as at any time something major could happen and shift our course entirely.

So how can you ensure you do not put all your eggs into one basket? Think about your relationships first. Do you have a partner? If so – are they your world? Like, are they literally all you have in your life – no friends, hobbies nothing? If you answered YES to that, you NEED to make some major changes in your life. What do you like to do? Take up a hobby. Do a short course. Write a story. Play sports. Download Bumble and make some friends. Just do NOT invest all your time, energy and happiness into one person even if they are incredible because they will not be in your life forever – literally because they will die. It is as simple as that. You need to have other things going on in your life so when the inevitable happens – the relationship ends either because the person is not alive or otherwise – you need to have other things to live for.

It might not be your partner who you are attached to. Perhaps it is a family member or friend. Perhaps it is not even a person. Maybe you are engrossed with your job. So what happens if you are made redundant or fired? Does your world just stop turning? No. Ok so how do we ensure that we are not fully committing ourselves to any one thing or person?

The solution is to “spread your eggs” in to multiple baskets. Have multiple fulfilling relationships including those with your family, partner and friends. Partake in multiple hobbies such as exercise, arts, crafts and so on. Do relaxing activities such as watching tv or taking a bath. Keep learning always- stay informed by reading whether it be news/affairs, nonfiction, a reliable website with information and so on.

Having multiple fulfilling passions, relationships, hobbies and activities to do keeps you mentally and physically healthy. It is the best way to buffer yourself from the potential of loss or tragedy. So if your pet dies your world shouldn’t stop turning because you have meaningful relationships with humans, a stimulating job and plentiful hobbies and activities to keep busy with.

In summary balance is the key to life and by spreading your eggs into multiple baskets you can safeguard yourself from the pain that comes with the inevitable loss that life hands us. And I say eggs, not legs (I am not promoting polygamy or polyamory here, though each to their own! Do what makes you happy!)

I hope this post helped you out in some way. Feel free to like it, leave me a comment, share it or follow my blog for more pieces like this.

There is no braille on the internet and I am just trying to make my work more accessible…

“Money is the root of all evil”

Timothy 6:10

Capitalism is cancer, obviously. It has not only made life unliveable financially but fucked us pretty royally mentally as well. Our society has destroyed the family dynamic, devastating people’s mental health. Dads, who are usually the breadwinners, have been taken away from the family unit to make money and so spend less time with their children. Your parents don’t have to be divorced and you don’t have to be abandoned by your father to feel the effects of this neglect either – sorry rappers, you ain’t so special!

Essentially we are a generation of people with ‘daddy issues’ – cute, right? WRONG. Anyway back on topic… so this post is about how money often stops people from doing what they need to do in order to get mentally healthy. Money can be a major barrier from people getting the help they need. How so?

Seeking help from mental health professionals is costly (Medicare Rebates and 10 sessions per year are NOT enough – sorry ’bout dat government. You want to cut costs such as hospital admissions due to mental health problems then please invest in your primary mental health care thank you!

People stay in unhealthy relationships because they rely on the other person for money. People are dependent on people and so feel that they cannot leave as they cannot look after themselves. WRONG. Get a higher paying job. Live in a shittier place. Give up some of your luxuries. MAKE IT WORK.

We can get blindsided in life and focus on acquiring money and possessions causing us to lose sight of what is really important: our relationships with family, friends and so on.

I could have probably gone on there for some time but I think you get the picture. Our society has created new mental health issues through its construction and then it fucks us further by charging us to get help. Health is now a commodity. Thanks Daddy Capitalism, you the best! NAHT.

So stop making money an excuse for you. If you cannot afford therapy, ask a friend, family member or damn it even a stranger for some help and to lend you or just even gift you some cash. Too much pride? Don’t make me quote the Bible again but that shit is a sin so let it go. ASK FOR HELP.

If you are in a relationship with someone who you rely on for money, take a look at yourself. What skills do you have? What kind of job could you acquire? Get a job or a higher paying one. Lessen your expectations on your quality of life. Maybe you turn the air conditioner off and have a cool drink. Maybe you choose Target flip flops over Gucci slides. I mean make some fucking sacrifices people! Get independent and lower your expectations.

Possessions and money will never make you happy but YOU can make YOU happy if you just change your way of thinking and stop being blinded by big DADDY CAPITALISM! No you don’t need that skin product to look beautiful or that dress. You’ve just been fed lies to make someone else rich. Stop buying into this SHIT!

OK cool so now you have left your pride at the door and become financially independent – what next? … Well next you ensure that you continue to live your life humbly and within your means. Maybe you meet somebody new and you think OMG I have to impress them – here’s money, diamonds, look at my car etc etc. WRONG. Be a fucking good human being. If that does not impress them then fuck this new person off. Relationships are important, not the clothes you wear, the car you drive, the place you work, the home you live in, the suburb you are from.. and so on and so forth.

I should not have to be writing this post, people should just be WOKE like me but unfortunately the advertising industry and Daddy Capitalism have been busy at work. It is going to take people like me a while to undo this damage.

I also feel like a privileged white rich kid piece of shit writing this because I come from a family who has loads of property and money and it is not even remotely an issue for me. I mean I live in Daddy’s apartment without rent. I get how fucked it is getting advice about money from me but know this. If I had to pay, I would. If I could not afford this place I’d move. If I had to stop wearing nice clothes, I would. If I had to sell my car and drive a bomb, I would. Know that I would give up every single luxury in this world to stay as mentally healthy as I am right now. Please do not be vain (again, the Bible says it is a sin) and just live within your means so that your mental health can thrive.

Looking good is NOT the same as feeling good. So throw those Gucci slides away… get poor and happy as fuck please! Come join me!

I really hope this blog post has helped you out in some way. Love and light to all that are reading this.