Exploring Gender: Spring Break

Written by
Cael

I’m beginning this post much sooner than I normally manage. That’s because it’s Spring Break! It’s so exciting to be out of classes for a week and travelling and not working. And it means I’m halfway through the semester to graduation. So I’m still stressed, but in a manageable, determined to have fun kind of way.

But you know the exciting thing about traveling? No one knows you. You can be whoever you want to be. It gives me a chance to see who I am comfortable being without anyone asking questions. And I can just be. I can just do. I don’t have to think or worry or anything like that. I can just wake up and do whatever I want that day. Well, whatever I have money for anyway.

I have played laser tag, driven a go-kart, gone to an arcade, eaten sushi, and I plan on going camping and hiking. And each day, I have taken a little bit of time to step back and reflect on myself, reflect on how I am handling myself and my life.

I’ve realized that mainly what I need is courage. Courage to be who I am, to finish strongly in school, to apply to places I would like to work despite whatever thoughts I have as to my chances, and perhaps to leave my hometown to follow a job. Like I said last week, I’m scared, and I have a lot of things to do and to overcome.

But I also feel like being who I am is important beyond getting a job and finishing school, so I have made a list for myself of things I want to do for myself in the months leading up to graduation:

1. Find the money for a new binder. One is not enough.

2. Figure out a name I might like to be called.

3. Decide how far I am willing to go in regards to clothing restrictions for a job.

4. Think seriously about how to deal with questions people might ask me about myself.

I think that is a lot for me to think about and decide in the next couple of months. And I will. These things I types here are promises to myself. What goals or promises do you have for yourself over the next couple of months?