prev story

next story

Reader’s Dilemma: I’m 24 and I’ve Never Had a Boyfriend!

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? 13? 21? 35? Last week we received an email from a reader who is worried about her age and lack of experience on the boyfriend front.

Here is her email:

I just turned 24 and I have never had a real boyfriend. I've gone out with guys, but for different reasons, things never go further than one or two dates. I do my best to put myself out there by doing different activities, but I can't seem to establish a connection with anyone. I used to believe in the saying "your time will come" and "it'll happen eventually," but now in my mid-twenties, I'm not so sure.

And now for my two cents:

Thanks for reaching out; I’m sending a big virtual hug your way. It can be really frustrating when we feel we’re behind our peers. And kudos to you for putting yourself out there.

But when it comes to relationships and boyfriends, using your age as a definitive marker can be troublesome. I’ve known girls who started dating their now husbands at 15! On the other hand, I know women who didn’t have serious relationships until much later in life. We can’t control (much as we’d like!) when we fall for someone, let alone when we meet them.

It’s easy to get caught up in looking for a boyfriend but I think often, people meet their significant others when they don’t expect it. Instead of trying new things to meet guys, look into something simply because you’ve always wanted to try it. Or rediscover a passion that you’ve always had. If you’re interested in art, why not sign up for a class or grab a friend and start heading to shows? You could also try volunteering, joining a recreational sports team or even a cooking class. The possibilities are endless. You might meet a guy through these new experiences and you might not. But when you feel good about yourself for what you have (cool new hobbies, awesome job, education, great friends, supportive family) you won’t be so hard on yourself about the things you think you need.

Don’t count yourself out at any age; I don’t think anyone should ever give up the possibility of love. I’m certain a lot of readers will agree with me when I say at 24, you’re still really young. I’m just a few years older and there are plenty of times when I feel too young to be an adult!

What do you think our 24 year old friend should do? How old were you when you had your first boyfriend? How old were you when you met your current guy? And if you’ve never had a boyfriend, what kind words do you have for our sweet reader?