Thursday, August 18, 2016

In one of those deals that serve more as an indicator for how you feel about your team's brain trust than the merits of the trade, the Eagles sent reserve lineman Dennis Kelly to the Titans for second-year WR Dorial Green-Beckham.

Titan Fan (he exists, right? Nashville has to have the Internet by now, since Boost Mobile exists, and wifi hotspots can get to the trailer park) is certain that DG-B, a 6'-6", 225 pounder who ran the 40 last year in 4.49, is going to turn around his frustrating freshman behavior and become the next WR1 to haunt their dreams. He was their best WR last year with 549 yards, which would have been WR2 for the Eagles, and yeah, WR2 for the Eagles last year was really horrible. (Riley Cooper! Still unemployed, shockingly, and Google News has all of four mentions of his name in the last six months. Seriously, Riley, show up at a Trump rally or something. Show us some hustle.)

And boy, it would be nice to finally be the team that picks up Disgruntled WR1 on the cheap, rather than passing him off. Titan Fan's pessimism is warranted, because their franchise got the #1 pick last year, and you don't do that unless, well, everything has failed to spectacular levels. Especially when you play in the charity ward that is the AFC South, losing that many games takes work, and while Fake Game #1 made their prospects look good with rampant running, they really aren't likely to win more than six games this year. And, um, I can tell you from personal experience and viewing, along with the fact that he's 26, a fifth round blah pick, and hasn't ever been a starter for a line that's better than a disaster, that Dennis Kelly is like a gas station condom. Better than nothing, but still a profoundly painful and disappointing experience.

Eagle Fan (we exist! and can't stop whining about it, for reasons) is certain that DG-B is part of a troubling trend of Thugs that Clueless Howie Roseman is bringing in because Nero Kelly hated Thugs. Also, that his presence means that prior dice rolls Reuben Randle and TJ Graham suck (they do), holdovers Nelson Agholor and Josh Huff are busts (they are), and that so long as the opposition remembers to cover Jordan Matthews and Zach Ertz, this passing attack is going to fail in 2016 (it will). Also, that while no one wanted to see Kelly on the field, they really didn't want to see Matt Tobin, spell the names of rookies Isaac Seumalo and Halapoulivaati Vaitai, or do anything more than curl into the fetal position until starter Lane Johnson's second PED suspension magically goes away. Oh, and aging LT Jason Peters has to stay perfectly healthy and be all better again, after last year's Fred Sanford act. Honestly, this year is going to suck. And all of the QBs are going to die. Some already have!

Realistically, there's always the possibility that this will be the kind of deal that hurts both teams, given how neither org has covered itself in smartness over the past half-decade. Titan Management spent the preseason burying DG-B's value with complaints about his conditioning and work ethic, while the Eagles are trying to get you to believe that their puppies are ready for prime time, no matter what your eyes told you during their turnstile time against the Bucs in Fake Week One. From my perspective, it's a defensible gamble because (a) Kelly's nothing that you should struggle to replace or remember, and (b) DG-B has a chance to be a game-changer if the light turns on in his head, and sometimes guys do that after a trade. Also, it's not as if this move is costing the team draft picks or salary cap space, and the chance of finding another Kelly in free agency or after some other team's cut time is a hell of a lot better than finding another guy who has inspired Calvin Johnson comparisons.

But that's the magic of this deal. If you want to rip either team for making it, you can, and if you want to praise them, have at it. Here, let me give it a shot. The Titans have better options at WR and laid down the law for their other possible miscreants, and aren't going to have another Kenny Britt experience. Great move! Either way, you get to sound like a True Fan, and you also get to think about something other than how your team will go 6-10 this year in a dumpster division.

From my perspective, DG-B makes his Eagle debut in tomorrow night's game against the Steelers, and I'm going to call the trade a win for the simple fact that now I have a minor excuse to watch it. If he makes three catches in the first quarter and does anything with them, Eagle Fan will bumrush DG-B into their fantasy league rankings, Titan Fan will drink some more sterno and say something vile, and the sun will rise in the East. Also, both teams will still win six games this year. NFL Fever! Catch It!

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