does it really matter?

Reverb11 Day 7: Forgiveness is Hard

“Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself that acknowledges you’re human. You can’t always prevent failure, but you can always forgive yourself for failing.” -Erin Pavlina

Who have you forgiven this year and what was the journey like that brought you to forgive them?

The power for me to forgive someone is easy. It comes naturally. It takes courage and strength but it can be done. However, I struggled with the guilt, blame and inability to forgive myself and the inability of him not forgiving me. It bothered me to my core. It didn’t matter how many apologies or how I was remorseful. Nothing worked. I was exhausted. Drained. Scared. Confused. Sad.

This was a hard place for me. I couldn’t forgive myself and he couldn’t forgive me. I didn’t like myself. I was walking around in a haze. Thick fog consumed me and I could barely see two feet in front me. I didn’t know what to do besides make people try to walk with me in the fog. I wanted this fog to lift. I wanted to walk through it. Beyond it. I wanted to leave it all behind. The only way for it to be gone…was to make the decision to forgive myself. I had to forgive myself and let the healing begin.

I stopped taking the blame. I surrendered to my feelings. I took responsibility for my actions. I found a different place to invest my time and compassion. I released the past and embraced forgiveness. I overcame.

Unfortunately, I cannot cast a magic spell on someone who struggles to forgive me. I’ve forgiven myself for those actions and that is what is more important. I am worthy of forgiveness.

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” – Paul Boese