State 2001 - Golden Knights Preview

Then there's UCF, which would love to one day join the "Big-Name Club." Expect that to happen right after Pluto Tech beats Saturn State in a college football playoff.

We wish that weren't so, but becoming a big name takes decades, tons of players, a few good recruiting scandals, millions of dollars and -- eek! -- a conference affiliation. Or there's a much easier way to become a household name. Simply change the one you have.

You make a name by beating names, and the Knights haven't done enough of that. They came close a few times, and finally beat Alabama last season. It was a great win, but most of the nation laughed more at the Tide than noted the upstart Knights.

Now they are at it again, scheduling a September to remember. Or forget. Games at Clemson and Syracuse could be breakthroughs. But more likely, UCF will give it the young college try and limp on home.

Yet the Knights are talking a good pre-season game, getting psyched, doing the things they've done for the past few years. In other words, they are in denial.

They think they can become a big name the old-fashioned way, by winning football games. It's time to admit there's a better way. But the first step to solving a problem is to admit you have one.

For all the blood, sweat, tears, cell-phone calls and near-misses at Nebraska, almost nobody outside the 407 area code can find UCF on a map. Don't take my word for it. Take John Smith's.

We figured the one true way to judge UCF's national impact was to ask the nation. We could have hired the Gallup pollsters and done this scientifically, but that would have taken time, money and real effort. It was much easier to just start calling people at random.

Unfortunately, hitting any 11 digits usually leads to that annoying recording of beeps. After a few of those, I figured it was be more "scientific" to poll regular people. Who is more regular than someone named John Smith?

I called information and asked for a John Smith in Phoenix. The operator said there were quite a few.

"Anyone will do," I said.

"You sure are easy," she said.

If only the rest of the afternoon had gone so smoothly. I rang John Smith in Phoenx.

"Have you ever heard of UCF?"

"No."

"How about the University of Central Florida?"

"No."

"How about Notre Dame?"

"Oh, yeah, I know Notre Dame."

So much for the Desert Southwest. How about the Pacific Northwest? Enter John Smith of Seattle.

"Have you ever heard of UCF?

"No."

How about the University of Central Florida?

"No."

How about . . .

Click!

This is where the telemarketing syndrome began to take affect. People are used to sitting down for dinner and being called by aluminum-siding salesmen or police benevolent association shysters; they are quite suspicious when a sportswriter from Florida calls and asks if they've ever heard of a Golden Knight. Undeterred, we shifted east.

"There are many John Smiths in New York City. You have the wrong one!"

From sea to shining sea, this was going nowhere. Sort of like UCF's conference plans. I called information and asked the operator if he'd heard of UCF.

"I'm afraid not," he said.

Forget trying to make a name the hard way. If UCF really wants to become a household name, there is only one thing to do. Call the NCAA and ask for the ID department.