Thoughts from the interface of science, religion, law and culture

After spending several years touring the country as a stand up comedian, Ed Brayton tired of explaining his jokes to small groups of dazed illiterates and turned to writing as the most common outlet for the voices in his head. He has appeared on the Rachel Maddow Show and the Thom Hartmann Show, and is almost certain that he is the only person ever to make fun of Chuck Norris on C-SPAN.

EVENTS

Salafist Imam: Mermaids Real, Are Halal

Fundamentalist Christians often believe some loony things, but so do fundamentalist Muslims. The Salafi Center of Manchester, for example, says that mermaids are real and they are halal, so they can be eaten if you catch one. Yes, I’m serious.

Questioner, “Shaikh, some experts and specialists in sea-life and fish mention that there is a fish that has a head like the head of a woman, and she has hair and a face like a woman, so is it permissible to eat it…and that is what they term as the “mermaid”?

Shaikh al-Fawzaan, “There is the “human of the ocean”, there is something from a type of fish upon the appearance of humans, they call it the “ocean human” [otherwise termed as “mermaid”] and it can be eaten, it is from the items that can be caught and eaten from the sea, yes, even if it was upon the appearance of a man or woman”.

Comments

The Little Mermaid is being re-released in 3D this year. That must have this guy licking his lips and reaching for the tartar sauce. (It has the rest of us rolling our eyes at yet another 3D re-release cash-grab from Disney.)

Meh. Could just be one ignoramous trying to discuss manatees with another ignoramous. I have no idea whether the Imam is pulling his advice from actual scripture or his rectal area, but if he’s pulling it from scripture, I’d bet that scripture is trying to describe a manatee.

Still, having said that, (a) eating manatees is a somewhat offensive idea, (b) if you really believed mermaids were real, suggesting we eat them – another sentient species – would be a highly offensive idea. So this guy fails regardless of whether he’s talking poorly about a real species or accurately about a mythical one.

But when I wrote that, the news was that there was a fatwa on the topic of eating mermaids… the rule was, apparently, that you cannot.

I am happy to see that the mermaid-eating lobby has successfully worked for this important dietary change. Of course, it is the responsibility of each of us to see that our mermaids are sustainably harvested…

Has anybody done a sustainability study to verify there are sufficient numbers of mermaids in the ocean to allow them to be harvested without damaging their abilities to reproduce themselves? If not, I think I smell a fat government grant coming down the pike. [heads off to Dept. of Fish and Game]

@Zinc Avenger #3 – I cannot speak for halal, but dragons would not be kosher. Leviticus 11:29 forbids “the great lizard according to its kind” (the KJV says “great tortoise”, but Rabbinical interpretation is that all reptiles and amphibians are treif.)

What is the creel limit? per day? per week? That brings up this question: Are the Kreel halal, assuming one could find a fresh one?
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As the Prophet showed us, a mermaid under 6 years of age has to be thrown back to sea. A mermaid 6 or older can be kept until she is 9 years old and then consume-ated.
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What about mermen?

Dingojack,
On the British TV show by Alexei Sayle (“Stuff”) they had a sketch about a restaurant where the “Ethel Merman sandwich” turned out to contain actual bits of Ethel Merman’s body. At the end a bloke comes to the entrance dragging a huge bag. “Cole Porter?” “-Back door!”

This just in: The atmosphere in Spring Hill, Florida was tense today after the announcement from the Salafi Center of Manchester, England. The town’s mayor imposed a temporary curfew and assigned a police detail to protect the town’s primary tourist attraction, Weeki Wachee until a private security guard force could be hired and trained.