How I Secretly Quit My Secret Habit of Secretly Drinking

How I Knew It Was Time to Quit Drinking

If there is one question I am most asked about living alcohol-free, it is “How did you know it was time to quit drinking?”

Only occasionally is this question asked with dancing eyes that reveal a quest for titillation: I want to hear every detail of rock bottom. If I sense that is the motive, I generally let them down easy: I was the most boring alcoholic ever – I have no stories of catastrophe. I just knew I was losing control and needed to take charge.

More often it is asked with genuine interest, either because someone would like to know me better or is trying to understand addiction better for personal reasons. Sincere questions deserve honest answers.

I have been reading about the “transtheoretical model of behaviour change” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transtheoretical_model) and I can easily see how it correlates to my journey. In short, it identifies various stages of decision-making and behaviour changes as such:

Precontemplation (not ready) – in my case, using wine as a daily antidote for stress and anxiety; enjoying the relief it brought; feeling very comfortable with my routine and experiencing no negative thoughts or consequences.

Contemplation (getting ready) – I began to feel an acknowledgement and growing discomfort with the reality of my habits. I started to pay attention to the red flags (see below). I began watching Celebrity Rehab with intense focus (while drinking).

Preparation (ready) – I got up the courage to assess my drinking patterns online (I used http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov) and received confirmation that I needed to make changes. I started trying to quit and failed each day. I took no steps to make myself accountable and did not reach out for help, but these initial unsuccessful efforts confirmed my worst fears. Not only could I not quit, but also not moderate or reduce. Throughout this stage, my intake instead steadily escalated and I began to realize where this was headed.

Action (initiating change) – for me, this was speaking honestly to a friend, starting this blog, and reaching out to the online community for help and support. I threw myself into the task at hand and little by little made it through each difficult day.

Maintenance (supporting the change) – I guess this is where I am at now – you could call this ongoing recovery. This is a great place to be and many recovery advocates say the goal should be to engage in this phase forever.

Termination (completion of change) – remembering that the transtheoretical model of behaviour change is not about recovery specifically, there comes an end point where the change is complete and the new behaviours are effortless and normal. There are different schools of thought in the recovery community as to whether or not one can ever end the process. Some pathways teach that if you stop going to meetings and working their program you’ll either start drinking again or fall into the miserable life of a “dry drunk”. Some pathways encourage striving for a point of supported closure on the change – which does not mean it is possible to start drinking again normally but rather that you can go forward as a “non-drinker” and be done with it. I don’t take a position on this – at this point it doesn’t matter to me because I have a lot of work still to do and see myself in the maintenance phase for many years to come.

Red Flags

So what were those red flags for me? It wasn’t any one single “big” thing that led me to change; it was the accumulation of little things. Here are some I recall:

Unable to stop drinking daily

Unable to reduce or limit amount

Drinking alone

Shame about bottles in recycling bin

Hiding extra alcohol in cupboard

Continual concern about having enough alcohol on hand

Obsessive awareness of alcohol at every event – planning when and how to get in the “right” amount to get through the evening while still managing to drive sober to and from events, and appear “normal” to the outside world

Becoming very agitated when unplanned changes disrupted my pattern – specifically I recall a friend dropping by and my husband poured her a glass of wine. I began to panic knowing that it meant there would not be enough to get me through the evening. I secretly drank shots of scotch before bed to compensate. I felt guilty about resenting my friend for visiting unannounced.

Spending the last hour of work each day deciding if I would stick to my plan of quitting drinking or stop at a liquor store on the way home, all the while knowing I would certainly pick up more wine.

Rotating stores because I was embarrassed of buying wine every day, but never buying more too much at once because I was planning to quit “tomorrow”.

Finding out that my drinking habits fell into the “high risk” and “heavy drinking” categories. I knew my drinking was only increasing, never declining, and I was running out of categories. Next stop: rock bottom. No thanks.

Now what about you, readers? Do you recognize yourself in the stages of behaviour changes? What were your red flags, and was it many little things or one big incident that initiated your decision to live alcohol-free?

Published by UnPickled

I am learning to walk without the crutch of alcohol. As I begin I am 1 day sober. Gulp.
I drank in private and hope to quit just as privately. The purpose of this blog is to help make me accountable - just by following you will give me enormous support and encouragement.
View all posts by UnPickled

I found you by accident after a night of being a very nasty drinker once again…I am in the contemplation stage with most of those red flags waving quite vigorously in front of my face. I find myself reading more and more of the articles and responses on here. Even showing my poor forgiving husband the post that blessed nine wrote and he said yes that is you. Baby steps right now…but finding strength

I’m glad you’re here. Reading these posts and comments can help nudge from contemplation into preparation. Sending you peace and strength. Be gentle with yourself. (PS – be sure to spend some time listening to The Bubble Hour, too. Open your podcast app and search for it, or listen here: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour )

Hi Jean
Day one today of my eighth year without a drink. I think reading back on your red flags I would have to say that there is hope when one starts reading blogs and watching rehab shows on TV. It means that you are realizing that you have big problem. It amazes me when I see my siblings continuing to consume many drinks each night without shame or concern. There are people like them who will never seek out a blog. I searched through many sober blogs before I found Unpickled. For me my hidden bottles and obsessing about my supply was pretty much my rock bottom. The hole got deeper and deeper as my deceptive behavior alienated those people closest to m. Using this blog as a “sponsor” pulled me out of that hole. I felt like that there were anonymous people like me from the other side the world supporting me. I don’t miss the drinking. I am now the most dependable grandmother/ wife and mother. Strong and constant. Thanks Jean and all my fellow unpicked friends.

This is literally like looking in the mirror. I can’t seem to stop drinking every day and it is getting more and more. I can’t remember the last time I went 24 hours without alcohol. I’m going mad with doom and guilt about my health. I NEED to do something. But I don’t want to quit completely. Do you think it’s possible to cut down? Or maybe I need to stop completely….

It sounds like you’ve been trying to cut back and can’t, which is usually a good indicator that it would be better to stop altogether. Honestly, none is easier than some. There’s a ton of resources available to help you make your decision and get started. Check my resources page in this site. Read “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. Listen to The Bubble Hour for stories of how others have done it. Dig in. Learn all you can. You can take your power back.

Please be careful. I was in your same situation and when I decided it was enough and quit cold turkey I got pretty sick. I had never heard of Delirium Tremens before but I know all about it now. I got through it fine but I should have checked myself into a voluntary treatment facility. Be safe and make this your Day 1. You can do this! I’m 4 years sober and every day I get a feeling of euphoria when I think about what I’ve accomplished.

Day one again for me. Started reading your blog this weekend from the beginning. I relate to each red flag. I’m tired and need to move from the preparation to the action stage. I’m also overwhelmed yet grateful for all the resources out there. I’m having a hard time figuring out what would be the best support group for me. I’m a private person but realize I can’t do this alone.

Hi Deb, I’m sober with you today. Have you thought about working with a recovery coach? It’s a new tool that seems to be super effective to help get the ball rolling. Most offer a free call to see if it feels like a fit, and they usually use video calls so they can connect from anywhere. So that’s one avenue to consider. If you message me via Facebook on the UnPickled page, I can help you find some of the inline support groups as well. Be gentle with yourself today.

Day 1…of my 5th year sober! After many false starts, on January 1, 2015 I quit drinking for good. This website was my “sponsor,” my inspiration and my support group because I too secretly quit drinking. This particular blog entry hit home with me and got me on the road to recovery. I don’t think anyone realized I was getting out of control as I was high functioning and never missed a day of work (albeit some days I felt like crap until noon). I had my drinking buddies but since I drank the least out of the group(!!), no one realized I was headed for trouble. I never hit rock bottom but I was certainly circling the drain. I quit cold-turkey and have never looked back. My life has improved in so many ways and although in the beginning some days were a real struggle to get through, I made it. Am I still tempted? Once in a while I wish I could be like “normal people” and have a glass of wine but I know I cannot control it. I am way too proud of the person I’ve become to ever go back to hangovers and hating myself. If you are reading this and are also looking at the new year as an opportunity for a fresh start without alcohol, I encourage you to do it. Use this website for support. Read and re-read all the entries for encouragement-that’s what got me through. You can do this.

I have been going about this for years. Always claiming a day one. Over and over…the cylcle… the pattern…daily regret in the morning (actually all day) the afternoon voice…the decision. Lately I have been reading nonstop about sobriety, listening to the Bubble Hour, even journaling. This morning I woke up and read your blog questioning if you were terminally I’ll would you go back to drinking? It shot through me like a lightning bolt…what if I were to to die ( we all are!) And I never had that taste of sobriety. Always saying tomorrow but then tomorrow isn’t there? Scared me so much. Made me so sad. I had 5 months of sobriety a couple years ago and loved it. It was VERY hard at times but I was calm and clear and full of energy. So here goes day one for me. Say a prayer. I am.

Ok my friend, you’ve been prayed for this morning. Your eagerness to take your life back and live it fully will serve you well. Life without alcohol clears space for abundance, new experiences, happiness on new levels, profound sadness that can tolerated and healed, and growth. Lean hard on whatever you need to get through the witching hour – podcasts, ice cream, naps – and if you can try going to a recovery meeting (AA, Refuge Recovery, SMART Recovery) or book into a therapist or look into a recovery coach. You are not alone, there are millions of people living alcohol free who would love to help you. Message me via the UnPickled Facebook page if you need help finding resources. I am cheering for you.

Went back to AA last night. This isn’t easy right now, but it sure is the right thing. I knew that if I didn’t step through the threshold nothing would change. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. I will need to make a lot of changes, but each one prayerfully considered will lead to freedom. Onward!

Today is my day one. I just texted my husband and said I’m not going to drink tonight. I’d appreciate your support.

We’re both compulsive and from large families of compulsive people. Different areas of focus: some drink, some gamble, some try to control others, some smoke excessively, some do prescription medications – a couple are normal.

We’ve been together 37 years in October – married 34. I didn’t grow up in a house where drinking was the norm on a daily basis. People would drink at BBQs but no one drank daily. I didn’t have my first drink until I was 18: on graduation night. However, from there I made up for lost time and I’m thankful I lived through some of those early college days and I didn’t hurt anyone else.

In college I met my husband. He is a wonderful man and he grew up with a father who did drink nightly. So, when we got together and settled down, i also settled into the nightly routine of drinking wine. It was so easy to start and I’ve just never stopped. I don’t think I drink to relieve stress – its just a habit, a routine. However as others have noted so is the routine of feeling horrible, embarrassed, unhealthy every day…

So here we are now. I’ve called myself blessed because I am – we both are. God has blessed us with each other, two terrific kids (now adults), good health, good careers and prosperity. However, in the midst of all that we’re alcoholics – we each drink one to 1.5 bottles of wine each night. When I binge, it can be more…

I’ve managed to hurt and embarrass myself, the kids, the families, the friends. Again, I’m blessed because they keep forgiving me. But I must stop. I must stop for them and I must stop for me. I’m squandering all the blessings I’ve been given. I feel like I’m just throwing those back in God’s face and I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose it all.

I went to one AA meeting and when I introduced myself, I summed it up this way: if I were to draw a line on page and put all those things I’m glad for one one side and all the things I regret on the other, every single regret is somehow associated with wine, every single one…

I’m glad I found your site and am going to continue to follow and read. Thank you for helping people like us.

I was reading through all the posts and yours struck a nerve with me. I too can be a nasty drunk. I have said things that if my husband had said them to me I would have kicked him out. I am wondering how you are going now as this post was 2018 and it was your day 1

Well, Three year later here I am. I’m going to try this again. I’m going to quit AGAIN. This time is different, I’ve come the realization that if I don’t drinking am going to die. I was sober for 6 month and it was the happiest, productive, calmest months of my life. I started back up with a beer one Saturday. Then I convinced myself that gee I finally have this under control. I can drink socially without getting blacked out drunk. Well of course that was short lived. A year later, I had some emotional things happen (divorce, Best friend and father dyeing) so of course I now had an excuse to be Drunk. It’s funny how we use any excuse to destroy our selves. Last Weekend I totally embarrassed myself in front of strangers & close friends , followed by me walking 5 blocks the next Am..Yes AM.. For a bottle of Vodka & a 6 pack. Naturally, called out of work Monday. I’m so sick of the cycle; I have finally got it through my thick head that I CANNOT DRINK! I Refuse to destroy my life anymore that I have already. Alcohol has costed me entirely too much. People, Trust, Promotions, Dignity. Well enough is enough. I have to change the narrative of my life NOW

Oh Dee, you’ve been through so much. I’m so glad you are ready to get off of the rollercoaster. You’re right, it’s a deadly game. A slow suicide that ruins your life before taking away what’s left. Take back your power, joy and freedom! Get off the Booze and get to work uncovering what’s behind the addiction, what can you change to free yourself into a life that allows you to embrace the happiness you so deserve.

3 years sober. I visited this post 3 years ago when I was at my lowest and it spoke to me and helped me push through those first few weeks. I hope anyone else that reads this is doing well on their journey, whether it’s day 1 or day 10000. Thanks Unpickled!

Actually, I didn’t make too big of a deal out of it. I have a reminder on my calendar for it. It popped up on my computer while at work and I had actually forgotten about it. That’s the fist time that has happened. For year 1 and year 2 anniversaries I was counting down the days. But for this year it just happened and it wasn’t 1st thing on my mind. For the first year or so I probably thought about alcohol every day. Not because I wanted it, but because I would be in a situation that I wasn’t used to being in sober. So I would be reminded of how I was doing that thing while a little tipsy. I would be constantly reminded as I drove by the turn to the liquor store. But something happened in the last year that has made me not think of that stuff. I still define myself as someone who beat alcohol, but I don’t think of that every day anymore. I guess that’s a good thing. I’m able to just live now.

Someone I love very much has need of your blog.
I’ve been searching for a place where my wife can go to share and learn, for support and kindness, and to come to believe in herself enough to seriously tackle the task of getting alcohol free.
As I write this, she is in bed essentially unconscious, after a trip to the car wash which started the evening, then two more not-so-secret trips to the car bar (car trunk), ostensibly to take out the trash, which finished it off. It’s 2:25 in the morning, and I’ve got a stack of printed material about a quarter inch thick (and probably empty ink cartridges to boot), all of which I’ve read, and your blog seems to me to be a very good one. I will try with all my wits to get her to visit with you here. I think perhaps she is finally ready.
I

I would love to help her, when she is ready to reach out. I also encourage you to look into support and information for family members of people with addiction, so that you can learn how to look after yourself and understand what you can and can’t expect during this process. Checkout alanon.org for reference material. It is very kind and loving of you to look into information to help her, however alcohol has a way of twisting our thinking and making it all seem normal and fine. It can be very frustrating for other people who expect us to be our normal, rational selves. Addiction can fight hard to stay, and it can be very tricky.

I woke up this morning to the words, honey you’re too classy to be getting drunk and sloppy and passing out in the chair every other night. To which I reply, “come on now, it’s not every other night”…and “you’re right, I am too classy”….then he says, “then why do you do it”…..silence. I also woke up to your comment on my “unpickled” email for new comments.

If you can get to the “why” then at least for me, I can understand what I’m doing and take steps to stop drinking all together. Clearly I am using it as a coping action to deal with personal situations. Now, I do love and crave a crisp Chardonnay, but what taste buds are left after an bottle and a half, seriously. I feel like crap the next day — all day. I am bloated and dizzy and my beautiful green eyes are swollen and red. And lately I cringe while reading my texts from the night before hoping I didn’t get too “honest” with my friends that actually answered. I’m a sentimental drunk…and I have alot on my mind these days that I hold in. Some good, some inevitable, some disappointing.

Your wife is suffering. Try your best not to judge her, questions her or voice your disappointment. Listen to her, let her tell you what is bothering her in the moment she decides to take that first sip. Everyone who drinks too much has a trigger….a time of day that is stressful, a person who triggers them or an event or thought….ask her what hers is and then do what you can to change that. For me it’s 5:00-8:00pm….daily….I’m bored, lonely, waiting for my husband to get home…then when he does, he is on the phone for hours, then the bathroom, then the shower, then a book…all while cheerfully sipping one or two cold beers and then he stops. Our life is all about him these days…..we’re retired, financially set, and he seems to have full control over himself and is very self motivated. I am motivated by “others”….which is impossible with someone who acts as if they only thing they need you for is dinner, a clean shirt, shave their hairy back and be a dazzling date on cue.

But that is my story……….good luck and I wish you and your wife the very best result.

So much wisdom in your words. It sounds like you could use some connections to help support you in changing this. If you message me via my UnPickled or Bubble Hour pages on Facebook I can tell you how to find an online group that might be just what you need.

This is me. Every single part. No one knows my secret, not even my husband. That is my biggest shame, we have such a great marriage and I can’t share this secret with him. I’m ashamed and he would be so hurt to know I didn’t go to him. He thinks I only drink on the weekends but its every day. I’ve quit 5 times after reading This Naked Mind and Allen Carr’s Easy Way and a few others. Then for whatever reason I’ll break down and have wine and before long I’m back to my daily bottles of wine. I buy the Bota box mini’s because they are easier to hide than glass. I rotate liquor stores because I’m embarrassed. I only buy just enough for each night because its the last time.
I am what you would call high functioning I guess. I wake up, get my daughter ready for preschool get myself to work and bust my butt all day to be a model employee at a fast pace construction office. I’m a leader in my group. I exercise on my lunch break and after work pick up my daughter. We eat a healthy dinner together as a family. Then I begin taking sips of wine secretly till its time for bed. I fall asleep easily but wake up around 3am vowing never again.
Today is day 1 for me. This is the 3rd time this year it’s been day 1 but damn it I’m going to do it. It makes no sense for me to give my life to alcohol when I have an AMAZING family to live for.
I’m so glad I found this blog today when I needed it the most.
Heather

Hi——this sounds so similar to my style….my day one was yesterday and I struggled all the way home deciding what I was going to do today but I knew there was a half bottle of wine left over on the counter and I knew I was going to drink it! So I’m one sip in….Ugh it’s so frustrating but ya, like I said, your situation sounds similar…..I wake up every morning at 5:30….go workout three of those days and go to work the others (minus weekends). I work, then come home to my beautiful kids and my amazing husband but I love my wine and vodka/la croixs!
How are you doing now, Heather? Any tips?

This a wonderful post that resonates strongly with me. I tick all those boxes and the real thumper was the hiding of wine bottles from my husband. I have put on so much weight in 15 years, am tired and sick of not seizing the day. So it’s my day 1 today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generous and illuminating blog. X

I’m doing great Jean. I think the penny has finally dropped. I have been listening as much as I can to the bubble hour podcasts and they are life changing for me. Before I knew I had to be AF but didn’t want to deep down. Now I want that freedom.

I’m someone who comes from a long line of alcoholics and drank excessively most of my adult life. I quit cold turkey in 2015 with no problems using Allen Carr’s “EasyWay” method. I gradually started back up again, mainly from peer pressure from everyone from friends right down to my wife who felt awkward when we’d go out with friends and I was the only one not drinking.

Fast forward to today – I’ve gone through the EasyWay book again and yesterday I had zero drinks mostly because the time change really messes with me and I slept about 14 hours. However, I’m also experiencing the highest stress point of my entire life. I’m concerned that staying abstinent vs. tapering gradually will just worsen my already unbearable anxiety. It’s a decision I have to make today since the house is very well stocked with beer wine and booze and I’ve gotten used to reaching for a cold one the same way someone might pop a xanax, to relieve the immediate and unbearable anxiety symptoms. I’m curious to get your thoughts on the two schools of thought: The EasyWay, Allen Carr method which says to quit cold turkey (and amazingly I had no withdrawal symptoms when I did that three years ago, but I also had no stress), and vs. the “HAMS” method of tapering. It almost seems that going cold turkey during this time of extreme stress will just leave me completely paralyzed with anxiety.

I appreciate your article and for educating people on the dangers and harm of alcohol.

Hi, thanks for your thoughtful post. My personal, layman’s opinion is that abstinence is preferable to moderation or harm reduction, however if a person does choose to try and go the later route I would suggest having some kind of program or supervision. That said, quitting cold turkey can have deadly complications for very heavy drinkers so they should also be medically supervised. Speaking only from my own experience, having none is easier than having some. It sounds like you could really use some support – are you connected with other sober people who could help you through the rough times? Have you talked to your doctor about your anxiety?

Hi Dana, I’m glad you’re here. Please know that you’re not alone. This place where you are is uncomfortable and scary but you can take charge and change it. If everything you’ve read here rings true than it is likely that you’d be better off living alcohol-free. Is that something you’re ready to consider? Try to think of it as a life of freedom and not deprivation, because I promise it is a much fuller way to live. If you’re trying to quit and just can’t get started, try joining an online forum like hellosundaymorning.org or send me a private message via Facebook and I’ll connect you with a secret recover group there. Listen to my podcast The Bubble Hour http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour to fill your ears with the stories of others like yourself who have been through this and found a way out. You deserve to be happy and free, Dana! If alcohol is taking that away from you then it’s time to take your power back. I’m rooting for you. Comment or message me anytime. Also the other readers of this blog are an incredible source of information and encouragement via their comments. Sending love and strength.

This was almost a year ago so not sure you’ll receive. I didn’t take control and in the last six months I’ve broken my collar bone and this weekend my foot. My company fired me today. I think it’s Rock Bottom. I’m devastated and so scared. Trying not to drink and have called for some help. I have three kids, I’m so scared. I’ also remembered your kind message from a almost a year ago.

Ok Dana. It’s go time. The longer we stay in active addiction, the fewer choices we have for making change. All signs are pointing you to your future, to freedom and peace of a life without the demands and betrayals of alcohol. Things can be so much better and that is exactly what you deserve. Reach out for support and then take it. Don’t chicken out. You can do it. We are all cheering for you and you are not alone. If you need help finding resources please send me a message via the UnPickled page on Facebook and I’ll do my best to help you find something.

Yesterday marks one full year of ZERO alcohol after a couple of years of occasional breaks from years and years of regular drinking.
Words cannot explain the increase in self-esteem, productivity, positivity, and overall well-being in the last year. Yes, there are bad days, worse days and terrible days but unlike before I was not hiding behind the crutch of alcohol to face those days. This year, I dealt with them without which in turn developed strength in me to deal with them. It was hard for sure because I had to face rather than run away from the obstacles in life.
Indeed, there were more good days than bad because there was no hangover, no regret, no unnecessary tiredness (physical, mental, spiritual, and most of the days combination of all), no guilt, no shame, just realization of overall improvement in sense of well being. Just the freedom of having no not think of drinking and having to not deal with the consequences was sufficient to lighten up the soul.
I don’t miss alcohol anymore which I did during the first few days and primarily just a couple of weeks. Regular exercise, newly adopted meditation practice, and positive behavior patterns are new routines. Hope I will be back in this forum to write a note of the second year. I never want to go back to the drinking self – that person is worth pity, has no future. There is no comparison between the quality of life I enjoy now after one year of eliminating alcohol and the life before. Alcohol is just not worth it.
If you are reading this and are not always able to stop alcohol after the second drink (even if you have temptation for the third glass, you may have problem – if you have no temptation for the second or the third glass ever, you don’t need to give up), you are far better off quitting it completely. Don’t think so? You dont need to believe me. Just give your self a try. You can go back to drinking anytime if you dont agree but you deserve the trial – even just for 3 months to begin with.

Hi – please bear with me on this one. It’s a true story but I’ve changed the names to protect those involved.

Years ago I was seeing a guy called *Ian. At first things were great but then he started to control what I ate, when I went out, left me no time to see my friends and insisted I stayed off work to see him. He made me do things that I wasn’t comfortable with sexually but it got to the point where I was anxious and unhappy if he didn’t come around. He took away my self esteem – forever telling me that I wasn’t good enough. I was fat, unlovable and had zero talent. I stopped eating. Stopped going out and became a recluse unable to face people, virtually penniless. Friends and family warned me about him but I refused to listen.
When I decided to see sense and finally quit Ian I met *David. He was kind, gentle, interested in what I had to say and told me that I was a beautiful person, inside and out. He encouraged my artwork and we took long walks together. We cooked together and slowly I began to regain my appetite and learned to laugh again. My family and friends love him and say that he’s the best thing that ever came into my life. I’m so happy.

My point? Ian equalled my severe alcohol abuse and David is akin to my sobriety. Anytime I think of Ian/alcohol I look at how my life is enriched in so many ways by David/sobriety I find myself wondering why on earth I let the former control me for so many years when a much more fulfilling life was waiting for me. Now, why on earth would I go back to hell when I have heaven on earth.

IM sorry to hear that . Our situations are all different but the bottom line is if we don’t make changes we will loose everyone & everything we love or even worst . I made it 100 days then summer came around and I had a beer because I though I could handle it . 6 months later I’ve upgraded to vodka clubs , I’m missed work and pretty much became. I liar . I’m so disgusted with my behavior . Here’s to hoping we can get it together .

Hi Stubborn, thanks for stopping by. Yes, I have 6 1/2 years of freedom from alcohol now – I have had a drink since starting this blog and I can tell you life is much better without being shackled to a box of wine!

Wow, this blog has been so very helpful to read! I started reading yesterday. Today is Day 1 for me. My story is very similar to others I read here. Drinking since I was 14, in the last four years or so it has really increased. Had some very hard times having to do with my children and that started it. Then I dated an alcoholic and that did not help. And now I am up to about two bottles a night. I live alone and I am SO sick of waking up and realizing the humiliating things I have done. Called the old boyfriend, who is very bad for me…bumps on my head from falling, bruises. And my face is so bloated…I am very excited to end this. I am usually a very happy, healthy person in all other ways. I know this will change my life dramatically. I just need to stick with it for this first hard week. Glad this is here and I hope you all are doing well.

Bottom line, I’m getting pretty scared….what’s it going to take for me to stop drinking?? Legal trouble, rehab stint, totaled cars, alienation from family. A few weeks ago I fell during a blackout and have no idea how I got a softball-sized bruise on my thigh. My husband travels a lot for work and with no kids in the house any longer, I can drink as much as I want. Drinking leaves me feeling as lonely as I can ever remember. How in the world did I end up with this kind of messed up life!

Hi Scaredy Cat, you’re not alone. This happens to a lot of us, probably because society keeps telling us wine is a great solution — it’s not. It’s addictive. You though you found something that was working for you only to realize not its not. Addiction isn’t your fault – it’s the normal outcome for using something addictive. We know this about cigarettes and drugs but somehow we expect alcohol to be exempt. But now you know, now you see it and so recovery now becomes your responsibility. Now is a great time to stop, before you get hurt even worse or lose the things that matter to you. Help is available. Life is GREAT without alcohol, I promise, but it does take effort to change. You are worth it.

Thank you for your prompt reply. It is reading about these fantastic lives people are leading without alcohol in them, that give me such encouragement. I started drinking to excess about fourteen years ago to deal with a divorce…almost in a punishing manner. But, yes I have many people in my life who love me…and would also tell me I’m worth it. Thank you again.

I have been an irregularly irregular follower of your blogs since 2014/2015 which probably is around the first time I thought seriously about giving up alcohol for long-term. Did that, but decided to restart due to tempting social situations – that happened couple of times.
Now, this time its 190 days booze free which is over 6 months so sharing. I was a high functioning (mostly) but a daily drinker (anywhere between 4 to N drinks) with frequent black-outs. First couple of weeks was hard physically then it was hard psychologically – psycho part still happens on/off but just in thought not action.
Situations don’t tempt me anymore because I have recognized fully that it all lies in your head – situations can never persuade you, it is your own thinking that compels you to drink. It is your own self, your own mind that wants you to drink and you want something to blame on like situations – no one in the whole universe can force you to drink if you are careful about your own. No one can stop you from falling through the crack if you give in to the monster-drunkard-tricky-mind. And, no good can come from making yourself stupid repeatedly with alcohol. You need to first understand that alcohol is only ruining your life in every aspect and the simplest way to stop it is right in front of you and its very easy – just don’t pick up the glass!! Pick something else .. anything .. but not the glass! If you do this every time there is a temptation, you’re cured! Yes, there will be temptations in the beginning but hey, you have been using this drug for a long time, it will take time for the brain to adjust itself… temptation get lesser and lesser with each passing day. Some days might appear a little worse than others but they actually get lesser everyday, overall!
Lessons learned: life is incomparably good without booze, better skin instantly, mood better within few days, productivity better, don’t think now that I would ever go back, read allan carr’s book if you need to (I haven’t read myself but know it will be helpful because I read his smoking book before so know the idea), life doesn’t become fabulous with no pain – you will still have ups and downs of life but you will be in a better position to deal it better and develop real skills to deal with it rather than blow up your mind so it can’t think temporarily. Life is so so so better without. I have found new passions and am starting to get to understand the real me (which was hidden deep under alcohol for years) and loving new me more everyday. Life is really good without booze. This is the worst curse to human civilization. Much more than the illegal drugs.
Hope to post again at 365 days!
Good luck to all that plan to quit.

There is an AA saying about being sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. That, and the belief I could have accomplished more than I had up to then simply made me say I had had enough of this BS.

I then drank 5 times in 3 years, with the longest gap being 9 months. Each time was a real bender, including one true blackout. I got no enjoyment from the drinking at all. So I stopped. I didn’t actually quit, I just stopped. I just realized that was a little more than exactly 10 years ago. Was it easy? Yeah, it was. Don’t know why, can’t say how, but drinking holds no attraction for me at all. No temptation, no white knuckles. I would not drink now for any money. I go to restaurants, bars, cocktail parties, etc. with no discomfort at all.

I am very sceptical of the whole recovery industry, and very grateful they never got a dime of my or any insurance company’s money. After 10 years, it was that fact that prompted me to surf the web and find this site. As an aside, I do not include AA in the industry, and have no problem with those who get their needs met through AA.

So, from my experience, I would say wise up, grow up and shape up. Don’ t make excuses or play the victim. Don’t let others make excuses for you, like you’re sick, you’re screwed up in the head, or that you need to live your life according to our instructions. You know the problem is drinking and the solution is not drinking. Handle it.

Hi Syncopator, thanks for visiting my site. I can see how your experience led to your “tough love” approach and rejection of the recovery mindset, but I have to tell you that others experience addiction differently and that if you were able to just stop without even realizing it, you are a very lucky soul. The drinking pattern itself can dictate the recovery obstacles – it sounds like you were a binge drinker, which is one common pattern, others are daily drinkers, maintenance drinkers. The latter become physically addicted and quitting involves withdrawal in a way you may not have experienced. What feels like strong daily cravings are really withdrawal, the body saying “hurry up, I need more or things are gonna get bad”. The other factor is that problematic drinking is often the result of coping with some kind of trauma or inner pain that is buried deep and needs to be tenderly revealed and healed. This is the aim of programs like AA, SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery, etc seek to assist with in addition to supporting abstinence. So the solution goes even further than just not drinking, it involves truly changing so you no longer *need* to numb out.

I do agree that there are some opportunists in the rehab industry, but many are good, healing, helpful places that help people get their lives back.

You sound like a very strong person who has been able to muscle through and triumph over alcohol, and I celebrate your victory. I also encourage you now to turn your attention to understanding others who experience addiction and recovery differently. You’ll be amazed what you learn! Please check out my podcast, The Bubble Hour http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour to hear hundreds of stories from others who have successfully quit. I’d love to hear your feedback!

Hi. A little surprising, but nice of you to reply. I was a daily drinker, and always to get drunk. I would stop periodically for your basic 3 day detox because I would wear out, and I could feel my body needing a break. I believe this was beneficial in avoiding physical problems, but that was not my thinking at the time.

I said to recognize the problem and handle it That is by any means necessary, and I do not wish to criticize or judge what methods work for anybody else. When I had had enough, however, my desire not to want to live like I was living was from deep in my soul and completely sincere, and I knew it was up to me, not anyone else. I think that needs to be true for anybody.

Nor do I wish to minimize those who have traumas and the like that need to be addressed before they can truly not want to drink. I am out of my depth there.

I will also concede that I engaged in 3 years of “practice” in which I made occasional tests to see if I could just drink normally. Not so much out of a desire to drink per se, but to see if I could handle it. These failures were very, very reinforcing. Not only do I not want to drink, the very idea of doing so seems ludicrous.

Wow- just catching up on different posts in your blog and scary how many of the red flags apply to me. I’m just starting on a journey to reduce and control alcohol but I now wonder whether I am just fooling myself and that I may have to face the uncomfortable truth that abstinence is only way to truly move forward.
Jim

Hey Jim, I know everyone’s situation is different, but when you’ve come to the realization there’s a problem, just cutting back is almost never the answer. Ask yourself, why is abstinence an ‘uncomfortable truth’? Try to look at it as a blessing. Two years ago, after several attempts to cut back, I made the decision to quit. And as I look back on it, I can’t believe I ever thought that made me a weak person, or that it was something to be ashamed of. I did at first. But now it’s something I wear as a badge of honor. I don’t shame anyone that drinks, but I do feel pity for those that I know have a problem and pray that they someday make the same realization you are coming to and quit before it’s too late. God speed with whatever decision you make. But know that the support you get from this blog will always be to quit.

Erik, thank you for your thoughts and I now know this to be true. I am a weekend drinker, 3 of 4 days. It’s binge drinking. I moderate sometimes, quit for several weeks but then ultimately resume. I had the most scary experience today, which cements this conclusion. I got pulled over for erratic driving. Someone called me in. I had been drinking. Did the field sobriety test, passed it, but they did not believe my story. Finally let me go. But I was scared s#%?less. This scenario was only a matter of time. How many warnings do we get before we finally come to our senses!!! Alcohol is bad drug for those who are sensitive/addicted to it.
I am now not a drinker. It has to be this way. I know this will be hard. But I hope the reinforcement from people who have walked this path, and are still walking it will keep me going on this necessary path. I have my own work to do, but when my resolve falters I will ask for help.jim, you’re situation may be different than mine. But I know I’ve been playing with fire and it is ow time to put it out

Hey Jim. Erik is right, I’m a big supporter of abstinence-based recovery for addiction. The question is: are you experiencing addiction? Moderation is a good litmus test for addiction, rather than a solution. Try it, it will give you your answer. Believe the sanders you get and don’t keep retaking the test hoping for a different outcome. If you can’t moderate, quit. If you’re on the fence quit. Alcohol is terrible for our health, it’s a carcinogen and belongs in the same category as cigarettes, tanning beds, and artificial sweeteners. You’re better off without any for the sake of health and wellness. Having received literally thousands of emails from people in various stages of recovery I’m convinced that, for people with addiction, moderation not only leaves people miserable but also makes it harder to achieve successful sobriety and freedom from alcohol. That said, if you try moderation and it works out well, you’ll know you successful saw the warning signs and took action before the brain changes associated with addiction came to fruition, and that is good news!

You’re not alone in that, I tick all the boxes. I hate the daily anxiety, feeling like crap, making up my mind not to drink that day. I stayed sober for about 9 months, then bowed to peer pressure and drank socially for a long time.

But, it bites you on the arse in the end, for me it was a long period of time off work due to illness, too easy to sit and drink when I didn’t have my daily job routine.

The truth is, every alcoholic prays and hopes to be able to drink in moderation. The fact is, we can’t drink normally, our brains are allergic to the stuff. First drink is the one that gets you drunk etc. It’s a crafty and insidious disease that’ll trip you up every time.

Here we go again. I had a 5 year sober run in my 20’s, by 30 going through a divorce, I started drinking again. I have basically been intoxicated for 13 years since. A wine drinker mostly and on occasion spirits. A few weeks ago I needed to go on a special diet for my skin (candida, which really feeds into alcohol cravings btw) which meant zero sugar aka alcohol included. I went right off it, pretty easily, started to feel better, sleep better right away, had loads of energy and was loosing bloat and belly weight. This went on for 2 weeks, with the help of some anti-fungals, I believe I straightened out the Candida right away as my skin cleared right up. Also, major side note, I broke my ankle last month due to a drunken blackout fall, then 2 days later fell again and hit my head on the floor. Hello! Even with ALL of that happening, becoming a physical mess, I decide 2 weeks was long enough to wait and the cast had come off my ankle and I was feeling foot loose and fancy free. I went out for a fun night on the town and ended up so blackout wasted (martinis and wine) no recollection of how I got home, and the next way one of the worst hangovers in history. I am seriously just over this! It’s ridiculous and I’m not seeing much of an upside. It just doesn’t seem like its worth the toll. Same reason I don’t do blow…your whole next day is shot. Why do I want to do that to myself? Day 3

Yeah I haven’t been drinking on work nights but had a rough day at work yesterday and being an alcoholic of course I had a strong urge to drink. I woke up and drove to work but my eyes were so bloodshot and I didn’t have eye drops I couldn’t bring myself to go in and have everyone know I must have got drunk last night. And yes the guilt is the worst part. Thanks for your support and best of luck to you.

Hi Travis here. Trying once again to quit drinking. Came to this site about 6 years ago and I quit for two months. Today I find myself home cause I was too hungover to go into work. I think its time to give this another shot

I know the feeling. Where I try to save my drinking for Friday nights I tend to slip up during the week and drink bc I have this over whelming urge. I tell myself I will go to work but I end up staying up way too late and still being awake a few hours before I have to get up for work or drink too much where I am extremely hung over. It’s a horrible feeling calling out and the guilt is over whelming. I am trying not to drink at all even on Friday’s and this week I have made it.

Don’t beat yourself up too badly. Everyday is a new chance for a new beginning. You will feel better tomorrow.

Hi Unpickled. I’m on day 3. I identify with all of your red flags, but I’m only 28. I’ve felt incredible shame in being a young adult who has turned to wine to try and numb out the stressors of my busy work life and unnecessarily stressful social life. I took a big step two months ago by moving out of my stressful environment and back to where I grew up, but still leaned on wine to help me through the sadness of moving away from my fast, east coast life. I finally realized that if I’m going to really make this year a year of healthy change, losing weight isn’t enough. I need to tackle the mental blocks as well. Thank you for being candid on your blog and reading through it today has really helped me feel better about what feels like a hard choice! I hope I can get through it with the same grace and humor that you have.

Hi Kate, go easy on yourself. You’re not alone and you’re smart not to waste your youth on harmful ways. Check out the recent interviews I’ve done on The Bubble Hour http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour to hear other young women like yourself talk about their recovery – Laura Silverman and Taryn Strong are two recent ones your age and I’m about to post a new one with Liv Pennelle as well. You’re not alone! My own dad quit drinking at age 23 and just passed away at 80 have not touched a drop since. It’s a great, empowered choice that you’re making and I applaud you!

Hi, today is 119 days sober for me. For the most part i’m feeling pretty good, but had a stressful weekend. I went to bed pretty stressed out last night.. woke up this morning thinking to myself, my god, what have I done!….I had a dream, I blew my sobriety..well thank god, it was just a dream. I don’t go to AA , I have done this all on my own..I was a daily drinker for 18 years.I really have been having a hard time dealing with stress lately. When I went to bed last night, I have to admit, I wanted to drink, I mean really tie one on! That’s why I shut the lights down, prayed, and went to sleep.I don’t have much support from home, My other half thinks, if I go to an AA meeting, I will be an embarrassment to our family, we live in a small town. For the most part, I really don’t have cravings that much anymore, so I was real surprised at myself on how much I really wanted to drink last night. Thanks for listening.

Well done – you got through it. Have you thought about therapy as a way to support your recovery? It really helped me dig deeper into what was behind my need for numbing. Today is 120 days for you – that’s 4 months!! Congratulations on this milestone.

Thank you, Unpicked, for having the courage to overcome your addiction and turning it around to help others. I discovered boozefreebrigade about 5 years ago and through that channel began reading your blog. Although I’m sad to see so many struggling as much as I have over several years, the words of encouragement and hope give me strength to get through today and everyday going forward sober. Anxiety, fear, guilt, and doubt have been my reality far too long and I’m hoping my day 1 and 1/2 can turn into years of a new life of sobriety. I truly appreciate having a resource such as this to support and assist in turning my life around.

I am going to try this journey. I am tired of my life. Tired of the facade. Tired of the hiding. I have done a good job keeping my drinking a secret. My kids don’t know my husband doesn’t know but I do know. I am scared. I enjoy your blog and I hope it can be a resource. Maybe some day I will look for an in person community but I am not ready for that yet

There’s lots of help online to help you get started, and when you feel ready to connect in real life please know the recovery community can feel like home. It can be a huge help if you find that it’s just too hard on your own, or if you want people to help you celebrate your success – people who *get it*. I wish you joy and freedom – it awaits you on this road. Lots of support and cheerleaders here for you any time. Check out blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour for some great podcast episodes about getting sober too – you’ll hear the voices of others and there’s lots of insights on how to get through various challenges. Big hug. Deep breath. Be gentle with yourself and don’t drink.

I pray you get the help you need for this addiction….I never had anything like that but I did drink for 18 years and now at 46 have quit….it’s been 101 days sober for me now….the bad days do creep up on me occasionally but have managed to keep on going….the struggle is real but kick it to the curb when it rears its ugly head….keep looking forward and don’t look back!..prayers for you.

Thanks Bobbi, I never had anything like this happen before either. Looking at it, it is a blessing in disguise. I have a strong support group & will do anything to maintain my sobriety. In the past 6 weeks since my incidence, Ive opened up to a lot of people about my addiction, I tell them Im not afraid to say Im an alcoholic, Im afraid to take a drink. Someone at one of the meetings said The devil wants you dead but he’ll take you drunk”
Even in my past 30 yrs. of drinking, I would quit for months at a time with no problem, thats when it would become a problem. Thanks everybody & God Bless All of You !

Hi, its been awhile since I visited this site. Like a million other times I told myself I could do it on my own. Feb. 16th after a 4 day bender on brandy I was sobering up after missing 3 days of work & dont remember anything until the next morning when I woke up with my tongue chewed up & muscles aching, I had had a seizure from withdrawals. I have been to AA, my Dr. & Brighton Hospital, the local rehab hospital. It scared me so bad & I pray that this was my bottom. I want more then anything to to stay sober, drinking cant be an option for me anymore. When you have seizures, you dont get a lot of 2nd chances. The good thing is I feel like something in me broke and my outlook is good, I believe it was the divine intervention I was asking God for for years. I will keep you all in my prayers. God Bless

im 95 days sober today….so happy I’m here and sober…..had a problem sleeping awhile back but that’s changing slowly… starting back to school on Tuesday….I’m nervous but excited…it’s been 30 years for me so hopefully I will do okay…I have done this with no AA meetings or anything….I do have some support from home but I truly think everyone one is tired of hearing about my sobriety and such… I keep a journal so that seems to help…but I would love to talk to someone who can relate with what I have been going through..it is a lonely walk..

Congratulations on Day 95! Your instincts are right, making connections with other sober people is fulfilling and exciting. Some people go to AA just to meet other sober friends, which is a perfectly valid reason to go. There are some good online groups too http://www.unpickledblog.com/resources

I truly don’t know where to begin, but I guess my start should be that I am an alcoholic, I have been to rehab, stopped for 8 months, then thought, I could be someone that could have a drink, nope not me, ended up in the trauma unit for over a week, because, trying to mask the alcohol I drank a lot of water, and ended up with hyponatremia (To much water), all of my organs were shutting down, This was last August, been sober until 3 weeks ago when life slapped me in the face… I will never go back to rehab, it did not help much, maybe just not for me, but I would truly love to interact with others that are struggling, because, I am going to make sure that tomorrow is my new start date. Love & Hugs!

Very Happy That I Found this site, I hope everyone overcomes this disease, I am not one to talk about it, and felt kind of ashamed for posting, But just remember that Everything works out, I have been sober for 2 years at a time, 8 months, 11 months, my problem is when life throws me a curve ball, this time, I am not going to let it control me, I will take control… Take Care Everyone, I am going to bow out from this site. Thanks So Much! Take It One Day At A Time!

Hi, I have been keeping track of this blog for at least 6 months now. I felt I was developing a problem with drinking wine. I would drink 1-2 glasses of wine per night.The nights I would drink wine I would start fighting with my husband about dumb stuff. I just become irritated with him. The next day I would feel anxious and depressed.So I made a decision to quit drinking!I was so fed up with it! I am on day 37. I will say I do feel better. I believe the wine was the cause of my anxiety and depression. My husband and I have not had any fights since.I have notice I feel happy now too. It’s worth quitting even if you don’t drink a lot of alcohol.

I am 6 days sober. I have been in the pre contemplation phase for years. I think I have always known that I had a problem with alcohol, but never wanted to give it up. I look back over decades of bad decisions, usually with alcohol giving me “liquid courage” to cover up, I guess, underlying feelings of insecurity/inferiority. I have had enough insight to know that when drinking at home, alone, that when my husband comes home that I am best not to discuss issues that are bothering me in the relationship. That is a positive. But the negative, of course, is that because I am not sober, I cannot discuss issues that are bothering me in the relationship. At least I am smart enough to never get behind the wheel of a car. Then again, I have often, while drinking alone, wondered how the heck I would be able to handle an emergency if something happened that required my presence. I would have to get an uber for goodness sakes!
What scared the hell out of me though, and has started me on this journey, was what happened last week. I was on a cruise with the 2 women I consider to be my best friends and anchors in my life. I thought we were having a great time. Yet, one night, while I was sitting at the piano bar, they came to get me. They were furious. They told me that I told others that they had “dumped me,” and that this was not the first time it had happened on a trip. I did not remember saying this at all. It was a hard discussion, and escalated poorly, as we had all been drinking. I tried to take responsibility. Even if I don’t remember saying it, they have no reason to lie. That means that I said it. It is my fault. I chose to drink. Not remembering is not an excuse. It hurt, a lot, hearing a litany of things that I had apparently done in the past. That part I did not take as well and went into defensive mode. We decided to go to sleep and discuss the next day. We processed, to a point, the next day, and I thought things were better. But now we are home (they live in different cities than me) and the contact is not the same. I have come to learn that at least one is still processing everything and not ready to talk. I, too, am processing. Since home I have done nothing but read blogs, AA literature, think about why I drink, when I drink, etc. I am scared of where my drinking may lead, and what it may cost me if I don’t get a handle on it.

Hey….I’m 58 days today I do have a question ..I feel good but am still very tired… suffering some insomnia … I’m taking a multi vitamin and a b complex and have been walking a couple miles a day….how long does this last??…. thank you

Insomnia sucks, I’m sorry to hear you’re not getting sleep. Maybe it’s unrelated, an underlying problem that was masked by your previous alcohol use, and should be checked by your dr (although careful with looking to sleeping pills as a solution, that could be dangerous territory). I find that without booze in my system, chamomile tea and magnesium supplements before bed knock me out. I could have never imagined that would be the case because I relied on wine for sleep previously and how does a cup of tea and some supplements compare to a bottle of wine? But for me it is better. I hope it resolves soon you for. You’re doing a great thing and tomorrow will be 60 DAYS! How will you celebrate? That’s a big deal!

Thank you….I’ll try the tea and magnesium…… well I’m middle aged so maybe that whole hormonal balance thing is off for me as well…….not sure yet what I’ll do for myself….but I can assure you it won’t involve alcohol……thanks for the encouragement 😊

Yesterday we delivered girl scout cookies and I was hammered. My husband told me that I was an embarrassment and that I embarrassed myself and our daughter. He is right. We live here. I see these people everyday and I did something so stupid. It’s time. It stops today and I hope by commenting on this, it stays.

Be gentle with yourself and know that things can be different. You can’t change what happened but you can change what happens next. Put on your headphones and listen to The Bubble Hour (www.blogtalkradio.com/bubblehour) and have all the ice cream and chocolate you need.

I stumbled across this post today and wanted to thank everyone for sharing and congratulate those who have the courage to stand up to their addiction. I have been sober for just over 9 years now and it is not always easy. There was a point in my life where I always wanted to “get drunk” but it is important to realize that there is a lot more to life than drinking – and I mean a lot!!
If you’re ever feeling the urge to drink, an exercise that I practice that helps, is to create a gratitude list… just think about everything in life you’re grateful for. And then, when you are tempted to drink, pull out your list of things you are grateful for, to remind yourself of everything positive in your life (and they don’t include alcohol!!)
Keep up the good work and reach out if you ever need to talk!!

Hello…..I’m 39 days sober…I have had many day 1’s but this last time was different for me…I no longer question why they can drink and I can’t….I feel very impowerd the longer I’m sober….I feel good….no more hangovers…I sleep great….although I did have a hard time the last couple days… it’s stress related….but I know that I never want a day 1 again…I find it hard now cuz alcohol used to numb the feelings….now it’s total raw emotion for me…and learning to not self medicate to ease the blow of whatever life wants to throw at me has been hard but I’m pushing through…..thanks for listening everyone.

Thanks for posting and congrats on so many sober days! Not sure about you, but I went off my Ativan before I quit drinking. I had been on it for 18 months. Even though the withdrawal wasn’t fun, I found it was easier for me to not drink after I went off it. Something about finding the strength to discard one crutch is helping me to discard the other.
My point is, the anxiety is tough and it can really rear it’s ugly head. Keep up the fight, you have so much to be proud of.

I wanted to stop by here and thank you for your post. I came across it last week and I identified with so much of it. I had just dumped out a mostly full bottle of liquor before going to work. At lunch I sat in a parking lot and read your post among others.

I am 4 years into an alcoholic binge. I have been going through 1.75L bottle of Vlad vodka(my favorite whiskey was getting too expensive) a week. That is on top of the social drinking or having a beer with dinner. I’ve been about as high functioning as about person can be. I have been promoted twice and been a person my company has leaned on. I’ve made new friends and moved with my wife. But the creeping dread has been behind my eyes.

A friend of a friend died of end stage Alcoholism and no one knew he drank too much, not even his wife. That, and the handful of blackouts over the last year, plus that growing sense of despair were compounding I’m medical and when the ache in the area of my liver started I knew it was not a good sign. I bargained to quit drinking in secret and only drink with others and after going on vacation I wound back up where I started. The pain came back and after a month of being back where I was I decided it was time to change again.

I am 8 days into having no liquor. I have never had an issue with beer and typically have 1 or 2. Has anyone else had success with cutting out only their problem beverage?

I was once exactly where you are. No job issues, large vodka per week, liver pain. thinking I could just cut back. Tried, failed. The problem is alcohol. All of it. The ‘problem beverage’ is alcohol. All of it. Beer included. you’ll end up compensating somehow to get that fix. Sorry if I sound unsupportive, I truly wish you the best if you decide to try to just cut out the vodka, but so many people try and end up going back even stronger. I did several times. No one on here will agree that you just ‘cut out the problem beverage’ so don’t expect much support for that. I’m now 19 months into being completely sober. I actually have entire days where I don’t even think about alcohol. On days that I do I’m only reminded of the stupid things I did to hide it from my family and work. So thinking about it isn’t necessarily bad as it’s a reminder to keep away. I had several different routes home planned because I would stop at different liquor stores so I never became a frequent customer at one of them. Holy cow, I was actually so ashamed of my habit I didn’t want the liquor store owner’s to know. I was a mess.

Anyway, just stop. All of it. You have all the signs of alcoholism and your life is at stake here. Go online and take one of those ‘am I an alcoholic’ quizes and it will tell you the same. Seek professional help if you think you need it. come out to your family. Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom. Something bad will happen. You’ll lose your job, or your family and friends. Is it worth it just so you can keep drinking beer? Do you actually get satisfaction from drinking or has that part of it gone bye bye and now it’s just something you need to get through the day.

If you are considering quitting completely, be careful. You sound like a daily drinker and quitting cold turkey can lead to some very serious health complications. Do what my friend did and go to a treatment center that can help you during the first days of quitting.

Best of luck and I hope to hear your come back on here with your story of success.

Erik(which has the meaning, “The evil king” – I’m sure that doesn’t apply here), thank you so much for the thoughtful reply.
I have put off giving a response because I… I am not sure why. I read it shortly after you responded. And I have thought about it. It does mean something to me to post such honost words and have someone respond back with candor. I hate to disappoint anyone. I thought about just lying and saying, “You’re right. I’m off it all. I’m done.” But, I suppose that is one of my issues that has caused me to drink.
I am 11 days in. It hasn’t really been as hard as I thought. No withdrawals, no mood swings, I certainly feel better. I am aware that because it is easy today, that it won’t necessarily be easy tomorrow. The years can be long and the weddings and parties are not here yet.
But, I can tell you one thing for sure. I will stick with the course I have chosen. I am in a better place in my life. I have come to terms with losing my father to cancer, a drinker that I barely knew since I was a child. My job has stabilized and the financial problems are under control. If what I have decided to do doesn’t work, I will take the next step. Just as I did this time. I’m running again and focusing on relationships.
One step at a time.

This is all great news, one day at a time. I also lost my father too early. He was a daily drinker. Probably drank more than I saw. Alcohol played a role in his death. My wife lost her father to health complications due to alcoholism just 2 years ago. After that I decided to quit. It’s actually been very easy for me for the most part. I’ve had my days, don’t get me wrong. It was actually pretty hard for me at a New Years Eve party that we just went to. Not because I wanted to drink, but because I was around so many people I didn’t know and they were just getting blitzed. We all had our kids there. I was the only adult not drinking. Got stares and strange looks and not many people even talked to me except for a couple good friends and my wife. But that was fine. All I could think of was how these people are getting home… with their kids. Most are from the same neighborhood so maybe some walked, or the drive was very short, but that didn’t make it better in my mind. One guy was so drunk, he picked up his 6 year old boy and tried to play with him and he dropped him on the hardwood floor. Luckily no one hurt. But it was very hard for me to see all of that going on. For the most part though, everyone was having a blast. I was having an ok time, and I suppose at that point if I were drinking I would have been more of the ‘life’ of the party like I used to be. But I was content that I could be around that and still not regret anything. At the end of the night I made it home safe, my wife kissed me and told me she loved me, we took a great family picture with the three kids right at midnight, and I remember all of it. Some days are harder than others, but that means most days are greater than others. You’ve just begun your journey. Let being sober be something that defines who you are. And don’t try to forget about what you did and where you were at when you were at your worst. Use it to make you stronger. Good luck!

I come here and read posts. I stay sober one or two days then just drink again. I want to want to stop. Lately, my sinuses go wild if I have more then two beers or two glasses of wine. I haven’t had a hang over in ove a week. I too have a pain in y side that Im ignoring. It makes me sad that thinking about quitting and not being able
to takes upmso much of my time and energy. I’ve been including healthier things in my dY such as yoga, meditation, journaling. Im also going to start running agin this used to help with the thoughts and anxiety.

Hello! Thanks for sharing your story, I know it can sometimes be hard to open up. I saw your last post for being 11 days sober and so I wanted to congratulate you! I have been sober for quit awhile now and I know the struggle you are going through. I would suggest (as Erik said) that you quit drinking completely. When I first wanted to “try” to get sober, I thought I could just cut back or drink certain things and that would be good enough.
But it wasn’t.
You should stop drinking completely. But don’t worry!! It’s not the end of the world! It’s actually, a step towards a better YOU! If you need some help, check out the informational website that I created to help people out: http://www.breakupwithalcohol.com
Also, please feel free to write back. You are not alone and there are so many good people around to help you out.
Keep up the good work and I hope to hear about your progress again soon!

I’m so scared… Every red flag is mine… but i love the relaxing feeling – but i hate the after rebound stress and anxiety and the only thing to help is a drink… i feel so guilty – i say no – i don’t want to but i think about it all day… I feel i have alot of issues – and when i drink i feel normal. I don’t get sick, but i can drink a bottle of wine or more a night. It just calms me and i want to just enjoy a glass of wine on occasion or just relax and have a drink – not need one! I am in the contemplation stage. I’m not right! I work and have a family and am loved.
I don’t have financial issues. I have always had some mental issues including wanting acceptance and not disappointing others. I have had stress/anxiety and have been on medications before – although not now – except the wine…. not sure what to do – my mind is a mess!

hi, i can so relate to self medicating anxiety with booze . if you’re looking for inner peace i would recommend (hes not for everyone) eckhart tolle . also doctor andrew saul (i will try and leave a link) the vitamin guy, worked with abram hoffa, who worked with bill wilson (AA founder) he wrote a book called the vitamin cure for alcoholism.
im very much in the same boat, trying to get (perhaps naively) to a place where i could enjoy a couple of beers without it ending in khaos. http://www.doctoryourself.com/alcoholism.html

hey, one more thing… i got a journal even tho im not the journaling type, scribbled out the title and called it ‘the recovery journal’ . found myself drawing on some pages, pretty cool stuff, and i cant draw for shit . second, order some coconut water and pour it into your favourite wine glass. im drinking mine now . you could maybe use cranberry…. i could’t at the time because my blood sugar was so messed up.

Well, I’m a little late posting this. I told myself I would revisit this blog every 6 months because this post is something that really helped me at the beginning of my sobriety. I hit my 18 months at the end of December. I realize that’s probably about as annoying to some as when someone asks how old a baby is and the response is something like 43 months. When I hit 2 years I’ll just go to posting every year.

I had mentioned before a friend of mine who was also struggling and who checked himself into rehab. Well, if only that had been the start of the end of his problems. While he has stayed sober (the good news) he also decided he needed to get checked on physically. He had been putting off going to the doctor as many men do, especially those who drink and know they have problems but use alcohol to ignore and forget. Well, he found out he has cancer. Long story short is that this was a huge blow to his anxiety issues, but he’s stayed sober anyway. He’s currently on treatment. One of the cancers was completely removed surgically but the other is the liver (not caused by the alcohol, go figure). The other good news here is had he not quit drinking, I don’t know that he would have gotten to the doctor in time due to ignoring the issues. So quitting quite literally may have saved his life. But his battle is not over. I have two very good friends dealing with cancer right now and some nights I’m overcome with grief for them, but I thank God every day for my health. I can’t say I’ve ever seriously thought about going back to drinking to help me with my minor problem of dealing with my friends’ major problems, but I’m sure this would easily send others back to the bottle.

To everyone on here who is still going strong, keep up the good work. You’ll be challenged in ways you have not imagined, so stay strong. To others that may have returned to drinking, I hope that you come back here and see others that have done the same but are now staying sober. We’ve all quit many times. I can honestly say I’m a completely different person than I was a couple years ago. Sobriety has saved my marriage, my job, and it’s saved my life. I was on a downward spiral that I really only realized once I had fully quit.

If I were to make a list of reasons to quit, I would just copy and paste yours. And, add the pain in my side, the clogged sinuses, the sneezing attacks once I’ve had one too many…

I’m on the one day off one day on . . . so today would be my one day on. It’s early, I have all day to convince myself it’s ok, when I know darn well that it is not. I’ve been reading through blogs this time because I pretty much know the science. I’ve been to AA and do not want to go again (for some reason I feel I should get sober before I go again.) because once I hear the low bottom drunk talks I convince myself that I’m not “that” and I go right to the liquor store. I hear the stories about the addiction being lifted and I think “yeah cause you’re special and I’m not.” Anyway, you get the idea.

I’ve just discovered all these blogs about quitting so I know I’m not alone. It’s nice to know that quitting can just be a totally private thing.

I remember that last drink, it so clear and yet so disgusting. It was the day before my daughters wedding. I had a drink and immediately starting throwing up. I could barely walk her down the isle during rehersal and after starting throwing up again.

Lets go back in time.

I was an alcolic, make no mistake. I was trying to hide it from my girl friend for a couple of years. She knew and had confronted me about it. I did the usual denial. I was hiding bottles from her in odd places. Drinking the vodka straight when I got any chance. Taking uncounted empty bottles to the dump, even throwing them out the window while driving to hide the evidence. I thought I had a handle on it. But I knew that deep in my heart I didn’t. I just wanted to die, actually hoping it would happen. I wanted to quit but also didn’t want to quit.
My girlfriend had figured that I needed to get to the bottom of the barrel before I would change.

Now move forward in time.

I had to leave the rehersal party almost right after it started. The smell of alcohol made me throw up. I went back to the hotel, and continued throwing up about three times an hour until I finally asked for an ambulance. I don’t remember the hospital but I remained in ICU for 10 days, almost passed away a couple of times during this time frame. When I came to and asked the doctor what can I do to change this and he said, walking away, back turned “quit drinking”. I made the decision to quit. I didn’t go to AA I just quit. Fear of dying made me quit. For me quitting was easy, made easy because death had been looming over me I was to afraid if death. Its been 20 months now (I know not that long) and I have no desire to drink.
My liver is shot, fibrosis 4/4, cirrhotic with scaring. I don’t think that my doctor believes that I quit but at least I know that I have. My now Girlfriend is my Fiance and she knows to that I quit. I quit smoking the same way, I just walked away from it and never looked back.

Now I take my nutri-shake every morning, my vitamins including B complex. My Fiance has me eating tumeric and alot of beets (she is from Germany and I say that with a smile).

What have I lost.

The chance to walk my daughter down the isle… I never made it as I was clinging to life in ICU.

The chance to live a normal retirement, my golden years (I am 60 heading to 61).

The ability to sleep through the night non-stop.

The sense of not knowing what pain free is like and never will again. Pain is constant.

So… there it is… my past, my future and knowing that the future is far shorter now because of my actions.

Thank you for sharing. I am glad that you were able to use this difficult experience to motivate your change. Hopefully your body will restore enough to resolve the issue of pain, and the sense of peace and freedom you have in your new approach to live will compensate for the things you cannot change. I am grateful for the reminder of where drinking can take us if we allow it to continue taking over our lives. Many blessings to you.

I suppose if I’m reading (and googling) drinking issues at this time of day (7am) then I have one myself yes? I think we all know the answer to that.
I am interested though in folks that have the same thoughts and behavior as I do. And though I’m sure many would say “You’ve got all the signs of an alcoholic!”, I honestly don’t feel that way. I was married to an individual that had serious booze issues years back (I didn’t at the time), and personally can’t identify with what they were going through. On my begalf there is no insatiable desire to have to have a drink, hiding bottles, etc. Whether it’s cutting out the sauce to get back in shape, or whatever reason to “Go on the wagon” it honestly has never been an big deal. During those periods I don’t miss nor desire having a pop at all.
What I have found though over time is that binge drinking has become a real issue. And Blackouts are almost the norm. Here’s the thing though…None of these blackouts involve any sort of come to Jesus moment or what addicts would call a bottom out circumstance or concurring behavior. I’m well known
as a “happy drunk” etc but see the storm coming. What I’m feeling more than anything is fear. In that that literally everything I do with pals (and family to a degree) is based around heavy drinking. I have a wine and scotch collection that would make any boozer envious. And once that gets broken into, all bets are off. There’s literally rarely an occasion where I and my company is not getting completely smashed. It’s almost like a running joke to chat about whomever got the most blitzed on whatever occasion. Doesn’t matter whether a vacation or hanging around the kitchen when company comes over, as soon as the cap comes off it can be assured everyone (minus my wife who doesn’t drink much) will be hammered. There has never been a time where I woke up after a bender where I haven’t said “I hate feeling like this, and most folks would be absolutely leg-less” if they drank as much as I did the previous evening. Again, there hasn’t been a DWI or anything particularly egregious that can be accounted to my drinking. But I can see it coming. It’s almost like a storm on the horizon and I’m in a row boat slowly paddling towards it.
Do I want or need to go to a meeting? Some would say yes, but I don’t feel for it. Stopping drinking would and is never the issue. For me it would be more the dealing with the boozing that was/is regularly part of my life. There’s literally not a moment that I can think of socially where there wasn’t heavy drinking involved. And how would it affect my friendships when I would not be getting blasted on these occasions? I have noticed when I’m on the wagon before that I get bored to death in an environment where everyone else is shitfaced and I’m not. It could very well be that my heavy drinking is not only a social pattern that I’ve gotten use to, but is also masking any personal unhappiness that I’m going through.
Appreciate any who read this and might have a “Oh yeah that was definitely me” moment. “Functioning” or “Binger” immediately come to mind, but I know I could easily tootle along until the circumstance comes along that makes me say “Thays it I’m done”. And it just seems to me more and more that I’m working my way towards that.
Have a nice day and thanks again.

alcohol is a drug . built in to the framework of any drug is that you have to take more of it. if you could stop now you would basically be a comic book hero! meaning,its almost impossible to stop now. for me it had to become so painful that here i am 11 months sober and i still feel hungover most of the time. id recommend “eckhart tolle” for any mental, emotional, spiritual issues . allen carrs book “easy way to…” chk out ” kip c ” on youtube, an AA speaker tape of someone who really hit bottom. good luck to you.

I can relate to drinking being a part of EVERY occasion. I tried AA and found that I felt like I couldn’t relate to low low bottom stories which gave me wiggle room to avoid looking at my own alcohol misuse. I found a blog called TIred of Thinking about Drinking and it speaks to this very thing. Belle Robertson is really good at talking to people like us and coming up with great solutions to move into sobriety . Also am impressed with Annie Grace’s Yjis Naked Mind. Which speaks to the subconscious lies we’ve been fed about alcohol and then proceeds to ii travel the beliefs we have about drinking and its benefits. This has been hugely helpful to me because it is retracing our subconscious beliefs and sweing alcohol for what it truly is:
Poison. Hope this helps! There is so much online I am sure you will find something . LJ

I can relate to all above comments,actions,reactions and behaviors. The fact that I have to state that I have a drinking issue upsets me greatly. But the fact is that I do and have had one for a while. For me, there are certain conditions that will cause me to drink too much and those conditions are the exact same each time I over indulge. I’m aware of my pattern, the reasons why I drink too much and exactly what I would have to do to change this. The problem is that it means that after 20 years of marriage, newly married successful children, grandchildren on the way, a beautiful new home and city…all of the things that I wanted in my life would be compromised if I got rid of the problem……which is “my husband”. I never drank, never even thought of alcohol before I met my husband. He is a social drinker, raised with the mentality that “beer” or “drinks” are a way of life, a consideration for every occasion. When I approached my husband with my desire to stop drinking and would he help support this by not drinking as well, at first he said ok but he was unable or unwilling to keep that promise. This angered and disappointed me and I felt helpless. When I decided on my own to quit this drinking behavior that I had developed, I resented him for being able to still “have his fun” and not become addicted like I was beginning to be. I know in my heart that if I left him and got away from his drinking mentality …I could lick this problem and would because I am a strong person and I am beginning to seriously despise him and his friends and all people who cannot attend an occasion and not drink. OMG, what if alcohol was’nt being served at their grandchilds baptism…would they just refuse to go, or would they meet up and drink before, or stop after for a few???!!!! Good God, the world wouldn’t exist for these people. I can definitely without question not drink and not have the desire to drink at these types of occassions…it’s when I get home and I’m alone and bored and feeling helpless that I open up a bottle of wine and drink a lone. I am depressed and I am sad and I am lonely and bored with my life which includes for the most part, my husband. I feel like I have been wasting my life these past 10 years. How do I change myself without leaving my marriage, how do I exist alcohol free in this life where alcohol is such a part of my husbands family and friends lives and not have such resentment????? I am determined not to let this beat me or control me……I know the answer is to leave him, find my better life, do what makes me happy and find someone who makes me happy…..or is there a another way that won’t completely disrupt and tear apart my whole family??? any suggestions?

I am the wife of a social drinker also. Have not had a drop in over 500 days. In the early days, I was a little resentful of his wine at night. Okay, a lot at first but it would not last but a minute. I would be a little snarky and he would sympathize and then I would get over it. I also hated when I would find myself at the store purchasing everyone’s preferred poison to prepare for guests. That is really the worst for me. But the resentment you feel is the ADDICTION talking, and it gets better fairly shortly. I am so proud to be a nondrinker around my young grandchildren, and you will be too. Look at the first part of your post where you admit you have everything you ever wanted. Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water! I wish you strength and perserverance. Quitting my nightly wine is at once the hardest and easiest thing I ever did.

Reading between the lines I think there are two distinctly different issues that you are having to contend with here.If you take care of your issues with drink dependency everything else will fall into place.
I had similar issues when I became sober one month shy of two years.My marriage is now stronger but I questioned it when drinking.To repeat,heal yourself and the rest will follow.I read Jason Vale ‘Quit drinking’and it worked.AA meetings for me were too evangelistic-‘and then god came quietly,’did not scan for me.No god would allow the misery I have seen and felt through life,hence the small g.We are animals and the truth is the best work we do as humans is done as a singular experience and that is what you need now,a re-evaluation of your responsibilities to yourself.
My wife does not drink to support me.However if she did I would not resent her, it is not her with a drink problem,it is mine; vis a vis your husband is not to blame for your drink problem.
I hope you get sober because it really is twice the life you ever had with drink.

Wow. I am really glad to find your blog! I am going on my 4th day of sobriety. It is HARD. I do appreciate reading, and can relate. Yes, I saw lots of red flags for years before I made the decision that I had to quit. I think for me:
1. hiding wine in all types of places, and finding empty wine glasses in places I’d forgotten about
2. spilling wine all over my armchair and not realizing it until the next morning
3. my kids remarking on my drinking (never good)
4. adding up how much per week I was really spending on wine

Amazing how much better I’ve felt in the last four days. Amazing how much I still think about buying that bottle of wine. As they say–one day at a time.

Ironic that today being 9/11 is the day I have choosen to stop drinking. I almost 2 bottles of wine last night and woke up to being told of things I said and did and dont remember any of it. This is not the first time. Im scared but finally admitted to myself and my family that I need help. I do not like the woman it has made me.

Hi Shannon. No one wants to be addicted to alcohol, I am certain you had no intention of being in this place you find yourself. But now you know. Now you know and so…recovery is your responsibility, even though the addiction is not your fault. It’s hard at first but the freedom you will find in unhooking from alcohol’s grip is worth all the effort. It’s a great day to start fresh. You’re not alone.

Your list is my list, to the T! Hearing your story about not having enough wine if your friend had a glass, made me laugh and cry simultaneously because I could totally identify, and it was one of the first time it hit me (like a knife in my gut) that I am an alcoholic…wow, that’s the first time I’ve written those words.
I’m 84 days sober today. Thus far, I’ve been doing this on my own, with help from my husband (a total “normie”, the little bugger!), The Bubble Hour and a couple friends/family. I’ve always identified most with you on TBH, and I just want to say “thank you” for putting your story out there for those of us who need to hear that we’re not the only ones.
I hope you continue to host the podcast and share all of the touching and inspirational stories of your guests.

I recognize nearly all of these red flags, from being embarrassed about the bottles in the recycle bin to alternating stores.
I live alone and have been through quite a lot these past few years, and drinking to numb out.
I want to do a lot more reading here and sharing. I’ve been in the contemplation stage too long and it’s becoming a necessity to move forward. Every day when I look at the massive amount of things to be done, at home, clearing out my parents and estranged husbands things to grocery shopping and cleaning, or simply taking better care of myself, I half heartedly try to start somewhere and soon give up. I buy 1/2 pint tell myself that will do, and almost always go get another.
I look forward to coming back to your blog and reading comments and posts.

I have medical procedures tomorrow, an endoscope to look for esophageal varices, last week had CT scan of my liver. I hope these results come out well and that gives me the strength to stop drinking. I did my usual this afternoon, trying to not go back for more. I guess it wasn’t day 1.

I see me in most comments. I keep thinking I’ll stop soon. I’ve just drunk a whole bottle of wine tonight, I have a fatty liver also. I want to be around for my grandkids. Want to stop,to lose weight and stay healthy. It’s hard and ongoing.

Change begins with awareness….and here you are. Time for reflection, planning, and action. You’re not alone. There’s tons of us in the world and we cheer each other on to the better life we each deserve. I’m glad you’re here.

It’s unfortunate you’re so quick to pass judgement and make assumptions.
I was simply looking for support in my endeavor to get myself back in check and keep it that way. Not a drama spiel. So again, all my best.

I am on day 10 alcohol free. Been here before and then thought I could have some beers or a glass of wine. The glass of wine turns into a bottle of wine and the couple of beers expands to need to keep the fridge stocked so I don’t run out. I know I cannot control it but have kept trying and failing. I met a man who described his fall over what he called the imaginery line between enjoying a drink and needing a drink. He described his fall over that line and what it had cost him. He is sober a year and says he was just like me before he went over the edge to a very dark place. I don’t want to go there so knowing how he failed and the difficulties he faced in gaining back his life, I just can’t be a social drinker. The occasional drink for me puts me in jeopardy. The beverage companies make it look wonderful and it is for some, just not me and others who have shared their challenges. I wish everyone the best. Like many problems, sometimes repeated failure leads to success. I just can’t keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome.

Yes, brilliant – that’s it exactly. It is a gift for you to have had this realization. Write it down, keep it close and re read it when you start having craving or those sneaky “I wasn’t so bad, I didn’t really need to quit” thoughts. You now have great motivation, and need to equal it with a plan, action, accountability and support. You’ve got it!

According to your user name, it seems you have a bird and a dog, so hopefully you are not entirely alone. NOW, PLEASE consider the words of UnPickled. You do not want to court danger to yourself (and also to your animals, if you have them).
If you already have memory blackouts, they are RED FLAGS.
Alcohol is foodless food. In other words, it depends on other foodstuffs to process it. We need B vitamins to metabolize sugar and alcohol is essentially concentrated sugar. When I realized that, coming from a family with diabetes and heart disease, I said I don’t want to go down those paths if I could help it.
It’s really hard to forego the temporary comfort and I still do miss it. However, I have my sights set on the future and I want to live as long as I can. I realize I have to do some work and put some effort in it.
If you can find a local doctor or support group to help that would even be better.
Best wishes, chou-chou

It’s a Red flag I didn’t ignore. An no bird..Sydney passed a couple years ago. I will absolutely not play a game with myself. It’s black and white. Either I still have control and just didn’t use ithe or I don’t and it’ll be cut immediately. No ifs ands or butts.

I can’t seem to find a place I fit into. I don’t drink daily. I binge. Friday night Saturday night, it’s 30 6.1% beers. Can I leave 2 or 4 in the fridge for next weekend? You bet. Do I tell myself I’ll only grab 15 an get some stuff done this weekend? You bet. Does it ever happen? Nope. I’m a 41 year old single woman on an acreage with no people near an friends that are hours away. I work my butt to the point of sheer exhaustion 5 nights a week and somehow manage to tell myself I deserve it. But now I blackout. Every weekend. At home. In the bush. Alone. And I’m scared. I’ve injured myself 3x now without a clue how. This last time almost unable to walk due to a gaping hole in my leg that was filled with mud. Somehow, I have to realize it’s not such a great thing to deserve. ..just hoping to talk..

I’m glad you posted because your instincts are correct – you do need to get this out there and get help making changes. What you describe is absolutely a problematic pattern and left unchecked could cost you greatly. Mysterious falls have taken many lives. Please don’t let this happen to you. By coincidence or by design, your isolation has created a glaring opportunity for booze to fill the void. I encourage you to do more than just trying to stop stocking the fridge with beer on weekends. Connection and support can take the place of alcohol. Support group are a quick, ready made solution that will welcome you with open arms. Please consider checking out a meeting. It’s Saturday morning. What can you do differently tonight to protect, pamper, and show love to yourself? What needs to change starting right now?

Thanks. I don’t know why the 2nd 15pack came in. It was 8 or nine on a Friday night then somewhere..it changed. More money made. Isolation. Boredom. Loneliness. It was easy to not feel alone if I was singing an dancing on the deck.. but these complete blackouts have me scared beyond words. ..and beyond a beer..let’s hope. I can’t say when the blackouts started. A month of weekends ago maybe? Waking up to find…yep..I ate something..because there’s a pan dirty. Or with mysterious bumps bruises scrapes an bangs. Like really? I used the gas stove? How did I manage that without remembering? How am I not dead from a fire? Or a fall.. my day 1 will be my Friday. Enough is enough! I’ll do it alone and online. Here seems good.

Keep reaching out and connecting. For the most interaction, comment on current posts. Look on my resources link (you may have to switch to desktop view if you’re using a tablet or phone) and join an online community life smart recovery or women for sobriety. And know that if you can’t seem to get it on your own, you will need to add something more until you have the level of support
You need. If online alone isn’t enough, look for real life ways to bolster your efforts. Be tenacious. Don’t give up. I’m cheering for you. I’m sending you an email as well.

Great email, blog, posts and comments. Your truly a strong shoulder standing out for anyone and everyone. You know my plan A and my plan B. Ahh hell..I’ll copy it all. Why not be accountable to more people 🙂 Maybe I’ll get some backlash, but maybe I’ll be one of the lucky few that caught it before it completely caught me. We’ll know in a month if plan A could work or if it’s too tempting. Because if I can’t control a substance, if I have fallen too far down that path, it sure as hell will never control me again. Period.
I appreciate you reaching out. Reading all the posts have really made me think, evaluate and dig deep inside myself. I’ve had 3 blackouts. In the last 3 weekends. I’ve figured out why. A..sleep deprivation. I work nights, home at 7am an if it’s Friday night that I have nowhere to go ..well..it’s miller time. B. I don’t eat a lunch. My breakfast is at 19:00hrs..so a full 12hrs before I have a drink. C. I’m increased my intake during the summer because I can actually be outside in the sun putzing around. ..so I’m awake longer.
I realize hugely 30 in 60hrs is far too much. But I also know I don’t need it. It’s a boredom, restless, Wtf else does one do at 3am when it’s my typical lunchtime?! Can’t be outside ..
So. I’ve come up with a plan. Because I do enjoy a cold one on a hot day or a single ounce of good scotch beside the fire in winter. And I can moderate. I’m just not. I got it in my head somehow that I deserve to have as many as I feel like..I can afford it. And I’m at home. 7 or 8 was never an issue on my typical “Friday night”. 15 a night is an issue. So blatantly..no more 2 cases. There’s no reason for it and it’s only caused negative consequences, injuries, shame and humiliation. I know I can have 7 or 8 and quit an go to bed and get some things done the next day instead of staying up about 24hrs then passing out.
Sunshine is my weakness. Summer. Being outside. But now it’s stopping me from being outside the next day during daylight. Which does me zero good on top of causing damage to my body and mind and happiness.
I know I’m isolated. Always have been. Night shift makes it even more so. Who coffees an has breakfast at 21:00hrs? Or 03:00? Not many. None here I know personally. Coworkers either don’t drive or don’t have same nights off.
So.. in my endeavor to get myself back to an acceptable, healthy normal, I’ll be stopping in to chat outta sheer boredom an loneliness until I find some other things to do. ..hope that’s OK. I figure this will also keep me accountable. Something I’m sure will drive me in the good direction.
It was an entitlement I thought I deserved. Living through all I have. Brain biopsy included. But it’s not a good thing anymore. And if I can’t keep myself at it being only a minimal amount and a good thing.. I’ll be done an wash my hands of it. I grew up with an alcoholic mother. I swore I’d never be like her..drunk for days.. an I’m not. But I see that closing in especially being a hereditary disease. And I’m either going to be the strong woman I am and enjoy in moderation once or 2x a month or I will be done with it. I won’t be her.

Sorry…and thx. Man that needed to all come out. I feel stronger. I have a plan A and a plan B an its not just in my head. Just telling someone makes me accountable. Thank you.

My thoughts on your plan are this: please remember that moderating alcohol has nothing to do with strength for people whose brains have been rewired into an addictive pattern. Hercules could not moderate under those conditions. You have addiction in your genes and you have numerous indicators that addiction is present. It’s most likely that moderation won’t be an option for you, and if that proves to be the case please don’t think that’s because you’re not being strong enough. Because that’s just a lie our addiction whispers so we’ll keep feeding it. “Be stronger this time, try again.” Where your strength might come in handy is in staying off booze altogether. That’s a process that will build strength as you continue, not diminish it. Yah, I know a drink is nice on a hot day. So is lemonade or La Croix, but addiction makes us think that nothing else could ever possibly do. Still….it’s your choice, it really is at is point. If you want to try moderating, see how that goes but don’t give it an extra inch. One extra drink, one black out, one surprise plate in the sink….your brain will want you to keep moving the line and keep drinking. “Oh so I said I’d have one and I had three. So what. Three is still not much.” “Okay so I blacked out, that’s only because I had a bad day at work. I’ll do better next time.” Don’t play that game.

I will absolutely NOT play that game with myself. If I’ve become addicted as opposed to just not really thinking about it, I’ll be dry completely. I’ll be honest on here because I feel I can be and just always am. ..so you’ll know when I know 🙂

So.. here I am on my Friday night at 6am today but it’s also my Sunday night this weekend. Ha. Night shift..gatta love it. Left night shift at 6, drove 6hrs to the Mac to work 2 days then back home for 4 nights. But it’s worth it 🙂
Beer now in hand. Ordering pizza and gonna have maybe 3..4 sips into 1. ..bought 6. Need to eat, sleep an be up at 4 am. Yahoo! Can she do it? You bet I can! ..so long as I don’t fall asleep an miss the pizza dude all will be well 🙂

Well I don’t know where to yabber on so I’ll post here..ha. Pizza sure looks good. Pizza Prince in Ft McMurray..an for some silly reason is was cheaper than the thing I grabbed at the hotel check in. Bonus me. I’m on beer 3 now..an I’m so damn hungry. Thing is.. I gatta stay up til at least 20:00hrs or I’ll be up at 02:00 an not 04:00. So.. timmies is out event hough it is actually right across the street cause a timmies gives me 5hrs. So.. 3 more smokes an sip Slowly.. ok.. and a slice of pizza..

Sorry Birds, I just can’t cheer you on for drinking three beers tonight. It’s totally your right to try cutting back instead of quitting, even though your black outs and mystery wounds suggest you should stop, but this is a site people come to for support to get sober and reading about your drinking can trigger someone in their fragile early days. I’m also worried for you, in all honesty. I have a wonderful sober friend who lives in Ft Mac and I’m sure she’d be happy to meet up for coffee sometime if you ever want to connect with someone who is living alcohol free.

It is really sad you think that way. You came here for a reason and now you are upset at somebody that was trying to help you. Do you want help or just attention? You have a lot of soul searching to do. I hope you come back here with a clear mind. Good luck. If it helps I am on day 417 without a drink. It can be done and you will have support here if you want it.

Taking offense to gentle correction is exactly what the addicted brain does because the part of your brain that’s wired for addiction is scared shitless at the thought of you reading recovery blogs and trying to take your power back. It’s the part of your brain that whispers, “screw them, they’ve hurt you so just drink what you want…” If that’s the case, don’t listen to it. There are lots of places online where you can explore moderation management, if that’s what you choose. However, I’d love for you to stick around here too and pick up what you can about recovery – because recovery and sobriety are two different things. I hope you can understand my response to you better today, after the sting of feeling offended has (hopefully) lessened. Resist the urge to retreat, okay Birds?

I wasn’t offended. I said what my plan A and plan B were. You seemed ok with knowing that. But as soon as plan A happened and it worked, it was you that took offense. I thought I made it perfectly clear what my plan was. If it was not alright then, that would have been the time to say so. Again, I was not offended or am I now. Just obviously is not the right place. I had read many posts here of people saying they want to quit with a wine in hand that I certainly did not think my success with moderation would be an issue. But it seems to be. So I’ll happily move along and wish you good luck again. And please do remove my posts. If it’s not the place for me then no trace need be left as that would make me look like a failure when in fact I succeeded first time. ..now it’s just to keep winning/succeeding.

Oh for heavens sake then go. You are just grand standing now. Unpickled is the most patient, honest mentor to many people on this site. Trust me its you that is scared and stubborn. And that’s fine. But I am sure even this small interaction with this support group is probably a copy paste of the patterns in your real life. You get lonely, get scared, feel righteous, act hard ass, send people away. Get lonely, get scared, feel righteous, etc

Until it’s still just the bird the pooches and you. Doesnt have to be that way. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Wow. Your words were like reading my own story. I started drinking when I was 13 and got a fake ID when I was 16. I went to bars all the time. My whole life I turned to alcohol to cope…parents divorce, my mom left and was addicted to drugs and alcohol…lived with my dad who was an alcoholic and had schizophrenia…dealt with watching my dad attempt suicide 3 times…abuse…the list goes on. I moved 27 times…I lost count at 27. As a young adult I lived on my own at age 17. I worked three jobs and put myself through university. I received my honours in Psychology while in a series of terrible relationships ( druggies, physical abuse, emotional abuse). On the outside I looked like I had it together. I left bad relationships, “dealt” with family drama. Held a good job and saved money. I was the happy go lucky, all around great friend..a role model but I drank…on the weekends, after work…all the time. I felt like my whole life was one social event after another. During my marriage of 16 years I did horrible things while drinking. I felt so much shame and guilt. I ended up leaving my husband for many reasons but mostly because of shame and guilt. I couldn’t live with myself. I blamed him. I left a big beautiful home, 2 beautiful girls and a life of drama ( so I thought). Throughout my marriage I would decide to “get healthy” and quit drinking for 3 months. I got in shape, felt great and then slipped back into old habits of drinking all the time. My divorce last year started a whirlwind of chaos and confusion and guilt and frustrations. I was a “part time” mom now. I had my girls a week on and a week off. I was a great mom when I had them but as soon as I put them to bed I drank and drank. I wasn’t sleeping. I had anxiety and depression. I went to a psychologist and started a new relationship. Again thinking I can handle this. I can keep my feelings in check. I will deal with this like I always do. I thought…Look how well I am coping. I even had the psychologist convinced that I was dealing better than the average person and that I was so “resilient”. I wasn’t coping”. I was drinking. I drank by myself. I drank with neighbours. I laughed about my drinking. I can relate to the recycling bins of booze. I came home early one day to find the wind knocked over the bin and on the road were bottles of wine and beer cans. I was humiliated but continued to drink. My 40th birthday I went to Miami. My fist day there I was in bed by 4:00 pm. U woke up not knowing where I was. I started drinking at 4:30 am. I woke up and started drinking again. For three days I have some memories but I was drunk for 4 days. Recently I yelled at my boyfriend’s daughter for crying about getting into a car with us after I was drinking all day. I said I was fine and I wasn’t. I drove over curbs and almost ran into my garage door. When I woke up I didn’t remember how I got home. I drove. I put their life at risk. I would never do that with my kids. Yet…did I stop drinking? No I drank more. My relationships were in jeopardy. I am a teacher too heaven sakes. I missed a lot of time last year. U blamed it on The divorce but in reality it was my drinking. The straw that broke the camel’s back…well one of them. I had a party and was drunk and someone said, “Wow. This is who we have educating our youth”. It hit home. Who am I? I don’t know. I’ve never been sober long enough to figure out. My friend is seeing a Guy who is sober and I asked her how she could date someone who doesn’t drink. I said I could never do that! Laughing to myself I can’t help but wonder if my friends will feel the same way. If my boyfriend will like sober me. After all its been a year of partying and drinking. I realize more than ever that I never dealt with anything. I masked the pain with booze. I realize I finally need to cope. Break down, let down my guard and feel everything I should and let it go. I have to be honest. Its been 5 days. Wow! 5 days. And the toughest 5 days of huge emotion. Im sorry this is long winded. But it feels great to let it out. Sometimes you just feel like nobody understands. I am so ready for this change. Ready to be me, resilient, loving, strong, smart and beautiful person I am! Thanks for listening!

Five beautiful days. Five hard-fought days. Freedom from booze, freedom to heal, to process all this pain you’ve been holding in since childhood. I want to sing LET IT GOOOO with you in my kitchen right now. You are seeing the signs and taking your power back. Don’t let anyone or anything tell you that you’re fixed, it’s fine, you can drink again — that’s how the power slips away. Keep reaching out. Build support and accountability. Soak in the many great blogs and podcasts and books on recovery. You are on your way. Don’t look back! You don’t live there any more!

Hi! Thank you ! I recognize myself in every pattern and red flag! A little different but the same. My biggest red glad is that I’m sitting here wanting to just sit and cry while my just turned two year old is wanting to play.
Today is the day I have been planing on reaching out and asking for help at an AA meeting. It’s not the first “quit date” I’ve set!!! It always gets pushed back .
I’ve been sober before. For 13 years . Oh well that doesn’t even matter . What matters now is I find the strength , I already have the desire, to give it up, get sober so I can feel that sense of freedom I long for. Not to mention be the mom I want to be .
Thank you for giving me this space ! It’s quite miraculous but no coincidence I saw it today.

I’ve commented on here a few times since I quit drinking. It was a year for me at the end of June. Still going strong. My best friend has been having his own issues. Along with daily excessive drinking he’s been diagnosed with debilitating anxiety and depression. I’ve always told him the alcohol is just making it worse but to him it was something he could go to for relief. Which I’m sure did work as a short term fix. Well, on Friday he checked himself into a medical detox center. This came after he outed to his whole family his drinking problem, which I know had to have been one of the hardest things for him. He told me this has been harder than when he went through a divorce that his ex wife wanted, not him. I’m wondering if anyone here has done medical detox and if they have any advice I can share with him. Also, I would encourage anyone that’s having multiple ‘day 1s’ to think about giving it a try, especially if you are a long time heavy drinker as there can be serious complications from quiting alcohol cold turkey.

Hi good evening all. Just found this blog and felt compelled join in. I’ve been drinking most of my life and honestly made and done some pretty awful things whilst as drunk as a skunk!
The shame was worse whilst drunk.
I got fed up and could not take the cloud of self loathing in the morning and the deep abyss of shame.
I applied myself and went straight to a centre to get help. I was persistent and determined and finally with a little help from Librium and camprol I have stopped drinking for 15 days.
After reading your stories which I appreciated every single one.
I AM NOT NEVER GOING BACK, never.
The anxiety is real but they are only thoughts. Working on myself. Loving kindness. Sending out love to you all! WE CAN AND WILL DO WHAT WE GOT TO DO TO MAKE IT WORK!!

If I’m not ready to put down my addiction I don’t know when I will be. Another blackout last night and another day of fatigue, bloat and horrible taste in my mouth. This was just 48 hours after I decided I had quit for good. Lot of stress and sadness going on in my life right now and I “deal” with it by not dealing with it. Too much alone time, too much inertia,not enough hope. Very little hope, actually. I always come back to sober blogs. I need to see that other people can do it, have done it. It encourages me to read that no matter how hard it is in the beginning, sobriety gets easier. Wow. Wish I could believe that.

So – Day 1, again. Big party this weekend and I’m thinking am I nuts to make a commitment ahead of a time and place where everybody will be drinking. But the fact of the matter is that I don’t drink like other people. I drank indiscriminately and got tired and wasted at this annual party last year and I was jealous of the people who were still peppy and having a good time when I was already winding down and wanting to crawl into bed.

If I wait for the right time it’ll never come, though. I guess any time I take the pledge and stick to it will be the right time. (Trying to talk myself into it). Right now, today, kind of sad over my waste of a life and all the things I could have done, should have done with my talents. But I won’t stay in the past and wallow.

it does get easier . i asked my mother if there was such a thing as self induced coma for a month ? because i was so deep in the hole, i knew it was gonna be terribly painful, mentally and physically. that kept me drinking even longer. the funny thing is the terrible suffering we go through is absolutely necessary to grow as a person. i understand that i should be even grateful for that, even as though it feels like hell when you’re init. i dont know? the coma idea still sounds pretty good… turns out its dangerous to be in any type of coma . the buddhist have the image of the lotus flower struggling up through the muddy swamp. or maybe you could think of a butterfly struggling to free itself from the cocoon..the point is i know it doesn’t feel like it now but the suffering does have a purpose.

(((Hug))) Rosie. It gets better, it absolutely does. And, in all honesty, vowing to quit and then getting blackout drunk is very much a sign that addiction is present. Going alcohol free would be a wonderful gift to give yourself. You deserve to be happy and free, not dragged down with this tired old ball-and-chain relationship to booze.

Ok, I’ll jump in and give this a shot too. I’m a 33 year old guy from Australia, I have struggled with alcohol abuse for years, but it is definitely escalating. Most of my friends are growing up and still having the occasional party – but I know I’m always going to be the guy that makes a fool of himself / embarrass my wife / not remember wtf happened last night.

In my mind, there is no worse feeling than waking up, that taste in your mouth, the the dawning of reality when you cant actually remember what you did, and need to gauge how much you f**ked up by the reaction of your significant other….

Lately (probably more in the last 3 months) I’ve been drinking during the week (3-8 per night), and on the weekend if I’ve had a big night and nobody is around, i’ll start on the beers when I wake up. Yep, seriously.

I don’t let it affect my job and I have not had a sick day in 8 years. Although, I’m at the point now where I generally feel like crap most of the time unless I’m drinking. My wife hates it, but tolerates it for the most part.

Last week on friday morning, I thought, that’s it, i’m quitting. That afternoon I went to the liquor store and drank for 2 days straight. This was a big wake up call for me, I’m a very determined person, and I wont let this problem take over my life. I’m putting a stop to it before I start losing the things in my life that I love. Thanks for the stories; and lending an ear.

I’m on my second go round in the past year. First time I went about 6 weeks without a drop. After that period I was moderating pretty well (a 22oz craft beer twice a weekend) until my best friend passed and I was back at full throttle. Easily killing a 12 pack of 7 to 9% beer on Saturday and Sunday, and a 6 pack on weekdays. I kept it well hidden from co workers and family (one of my closest co workers said “you don’t seem like a drinker.” Ha!) but knew I had a problem. Eventually my left hand ring finger and pinky went numb and the doctor said that I had alcoholic neuropathy (nerve endings damaged) from too much abuse. I am now on day number 7 and am enjoying getting my life back again. I’m down to a pack of smokes a day from 2 1/2 just because I’m not drinking. Cigarettes are the next thing I’m giving up. Life is too short to spend poisoning yourself. Not to mention the money I’m saving! I’ve learned that I’m not someone who can moderate. It’s all or nothing, and I have chosen nothing. BTW 21 days is bullshit; Rome wasn’t built in a day. If you are reading this, you have already taken a step in the right direction. Don’t give up. There’s a better life out there for all of us.

Today is day one of my second year of sobriety. Yesterday was one year for me since my last drink which was at a Rush concert on June 11, 2015. I have lost weight and saved money. I really don’t miss it now. The first few months were tough but once I got to 100 days it just seem to get easier. I drank a lot and I knew it was way past time to stop. The novelty of it was long gone. I have lost a couple of friends because I don’t drink anymore but that doesn’t bother me. For all of you out there that are still struggling with quitting just know you can do it. The fact that you are thinking about it means you are headed in the right direction.

if ya wanna stop any compulsive behaviour ya gonna need to some work on the inner .
first off, if ya not sure, keep drinkin . ya not gonna do jack shit about it until ya get serious. or like me
it will become so mentally and physically painful you will be left with no choice .
i obsessively studied spirituality for 7 years or so while being pissed all the that time,
you could say i was obsessed with 2 sorts of spirit. i think this really helps address the inner issues.
my go to guy is Eckhart tolle. check out either “the power of now” or “a new earth”. (this isn’t a cult or religion)

second. 95% of alcoholics are hypoglycemic. this is a real killer !
and i dont mean death, i mean ya gonna wish you were dead .
vitamin C is a massive !! and id recommend it even if you weren’t in recovery.
check out Andrew Saul PhD on YOUTUBE . Hes gonna tell just what a miracle “C” is in high doses.
ya gonna need some B-100 complex , Glucose tabs, chromium picolinate , Alpha lipoic acid, maybe some magnesium.
take multivitamin with every meal along with this lot . eat small meals every couple of hours.

lots of juicing fruit and vegetables. throw in some super foods like wheatgrass, kelp, turmeric, maca root, chlorella, ginger. and the daddy – coconut oil . i learned about sugar. gloucose is essential , lactose is fine , fructose is satan’s semen! 8 times more addictive than cocaine with a list as long as your arm of negatives. and in everything because its cheap.
im not a doctor and you should probably work something out with your local gp. i have this thought pattern that says doctors
are nothing but butchers and poisoners… Fck big pharma ! haha im sure theres some good ones left ..
the point being im doing it on my own . im also a coward and it takes a lot of courage to ask for help.

the one thing i haven’t been doing because the lethargy is too brutal and im lazy is exercise .
i know this would probably half my recovery time : ( i do some yoga stretches, mild exercise etc… but nowhere near enough.

the truth is i couldn’t stop on my own . i tried several times . id love to take credit but id be lying .
ultimately life or the universe or in my language, God (its all the same) is going to give you what you need .

Yup. I did a lot of work on the ‘inner’ before I made the move to be AF. I had counseling, learned to meditate, (big fan of Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, Jon Kabat-Zin, Jack Kornfield) and then got certified to teach it a year ago. I attribute this to finally helping me deal with my anxiety and ocd in a healthy was and leading me to truly being AF. And that is my daily goal right now. Pretty new to the commitment. LJ

reading it back now, the bit about helping myself sounds confusing . i guess what i was trying to say was God got involved. There’s no doubt i needed professional help but i couldn’t even talk to a member of my own family without 3 glasses of wine in me. i wasn’t like unpickled. she’s obviously an incredible person who recognised she had a problem, then dealt with it before it got too bad. i decided drinking myself to death wasn’t all that terrible. infact i thought it would be fun, at least until the last couple of weeks of my liver giving up at 59 or so. (im 37 now) one of my other spiritual heroes Alan watts lived that life.
i just had no idea how painful it gets when your body can no longer deal with the alcohol.
there are many worse things in this world worse than dying. living as an alcoholic is one of them. if you are reading this and struggling yourself please try to understand the addicted mind makes terrible decisions. there’s something to be said for getting out of your own way so that you can help yourself. which i know sounds paradoxical but i can’t explain it any other way.

Well, this blog is like looking in a mirror. I too have struggled with alcholism for 30+ years, truth is it’s closer to 40 yrs. I’m 53, have always had “a handle” on drinking (the big lie), never missed a day of work, rarely have a full blown hangover, never arrested, good career in health care….so apperantly I was damn good at hiding my problem, and lets not forget was clearly in denial for most of my adult life, but I actually denied the denial. How’s that for logic! I’ve privately had thoughts of needing to “cut back” many times for many years, but I guess i was getting by, so except for taking a few days away from beer (my weakness), I’d quit for a few days, feel better about myself, then back to the alcohol. To complicate matters, I am state licenced and any admission of addiction is a carrer ending scarlet letter. I have what I think is a strange trigger…on a beautiful day, I’m in a good mood, and I think to myself, a cold beer sounds great, find a drinkin’ buddy and have some laughs. Honestly, some of the best times of my life have involved alcohol, in fact most of them, because I was always drinking, i suppose. I’d drink, have a good time and carry on with life..no problem, right? In reyrospect, to say alcohol never caused me problems is bullshit, but for the most part it really hadn’t brought any horrible consequences, which means I didn’t have a problem right? Bullshit again. I was by any measuring stick, a heavy drinker, daily. Haven’t bought a 6pk since high school, the thought of running out of beer on a sunday, called for a mad dash to the store on saturday night, a case minimum. So fast forward to now-ish. Over the past 5 years, i knew i had a serious problem, needed to quit….tried, failed, justfied, tried failed, justified, failed. The biggest single issue I developed was depression, i mean don’t care if I live or die depression. Suicide ran thru my mind, never seriously, but I had thoughts. Just started those feelings a few years ago, apperantly some metabolic change occurred and alcohol was all of a sudden a really dark driving force in my life. So fast forward to now…i quit 2 days ago, for good I hope. The first couple days haven’t been too bad, as long as I stay occupied, boredom is my other trigger. So my friends, I’ve found all of your thoughts and experiences to be inspiring. I wanted you to to know you’ve all helped another take on this tough journey. I hope I can fight the fight. In only 2+ days, my depression has lifted a little. Thanks for listening. J

I did it! Today marks one year without a sip of alcohol for me. The first thing I’m doing this morning is posting to this blog, I’ve been looking forward to it. I remember saying early on that if I make it one year I would reevaluate and possibly start drinking again, but in moderation. I now know that’s a mistake and I see no end to my staying sober. I have no desire to even touch the stuff. I even feel like I’m in some sort of special club that was really hard to get into, and I’ve earned my first badge. For those of you on Day 1, stay strong, it’s hard at first but then it gets way better. You can do it!

Congratulations! That is truly an awesome achievement. Good job on reevaluating your thoughts on drinking again after a year. I will be joining your one year club two weeks from today. I can’t wait to get there.

Erik, this is wonderful! An (awkward) cartwheel in your honour!! I’m double happy to hear you aren’t going back – great decision. This life is too precious to waste time numbing out. Congratulations. You are an inspiration and I salute you!

I drank heavily,daily,for 12 years,rarely awake after 7 at night.red flags big time,every one.Read How to quit drinking easily by Jason Vale.18 months dry and very happy,get the book, read it.Want a better existence for yourself?Be strong and it will happen.Fear stops people getting out of holes,fear nothing,one short life….live it.

I have been in the contemplation stage for a good while now. As of yesterday, I entered the ready to quit as my red flags were becoming evident. I had been putting a check mark on each day I didn’t overdo the drinking and an X if I did. since i was thinking about quitting. I began watching the X’s go from once a month to once a week, and as recently as this week, 3 X’s in one week. Not to mention that my bank account is much lower than it’s been in a long time and I fear I may not have enough to pay my bills this month. I want o make it real by telling everyone, sobriety date 6/13/16.

Hi Liam, sounds like you are starting out with a high level of self awareness and desire for change. That’s excellent, keep it going. It’s a good idea to journal or blog so that if you start telling yourself “it was never so bad, I’m probably okay to drink again” you can look back and revisit why you’ve made this decision. Hope your first few days are going well. Be gentle with yourself.

I wish I was on day 4. Go ahead and have that glass. Since I discovered this blog I went even worse with my drinking. The only differense I am aware of my priblem and paying attnetion how drinking affects my life. Before it was “just one day”. Now it’s one day free. Before it was “every other day”. I called in sick, drank all morning long and trying to figure out how I can pretend going to wotk. My son asked me this morning why I didn’t have my uniform(work clothes) when I was taking them to school. Just a reminder what I am today and where you are today. I want to be 165 days off. You don’t want to be me 0.

Well, I am adding red flags and like I said I am aware. I try, but no hard enough. What happened today is alcohol at home. I try to moderate and my husband is aware of the problem ( I said I have it . Alcoholism. Asked him not to buy or have alcohol at home). Had a slippery road going from one bottle to 2 sometimes. 2 is a dead day next morning and driniking in the morning is my new found lowest point. I need to abstain. Period. Still thinking I can moderate, which is not true. I am not drinking now. Will go to work. Thank you for your question. I need to get nyself together.

It was 7 years ago that we intervened on my good friend. He entered an in patient program, all went well, didn’t actually even need detox. It was the follow through he couldn’t handle. He just couldn’t build up the patience to sit in those meetings and listen to other’s problems. It drove him mad. After several sober months, he fell off the wagon and pulled away. After a very dark year, he picked himself up, went back to work and started living again. And then one day when the office was empty he fell back into the old routine of pouring a day drink, the trigger was flipped, fired the next day showing up hammered, and for the next 2 years he was in the darkest of places and ended his days in the worst of ways. A brilliant man laid to rest at 43 years old. One of you mentioned a slippery slope earlier. I had no idea it was THIS slippery. Just 2 years ago living, working and dating and yet he dies a slow painful, “Leaving Las Vegas” style death with not so much as a painkiller to help his pain and hallucinations as he faded away. Don’t forget just how slippery that slope is. I won’t.

Day 165 without a drink for me. Had been sick and tired the regrets and procrastination in everything before I gave up in December 2015. Have accomplished a few very positive things in this duration. Have given up a few times before – for several months at a time on/off. Now want to go back to drinking (i know, just to give up again when I am tired and ashamed of myself like before and with risk of unpleasant events or even serious damage although not planning to have one). Not liking anymore the absolute no drinking idea although it is better for my life and of those around. Slippery slope I know and I will most likely not be able to moderate but I am pouring into the glass again. Will update when I give up again. Cheers everyone!

That’s truly unfortunate. You’ve come a long way. Why keep doing this to yourself? Is there something triggering you to want to do it all over again? Will it be worth it? You obviously realize this is a problem but you seem to be ok with it. I hope others on here read your post and use it as fuel to keep them going rather than sympathize with it and go back to the bottle as well. Good luck. Moderation does work for some, but not often for those that realize they have a problem.

You are 165 days and now you are going to jump off the wagon? I would suggest not doing that because I have done that many times. It gets harder and harder each time you quit. I am 320 days today and going strong. I don’t even want a drink now even in social situations. I hope you reconsider not taking that drink. Good luck!

It was 7 years ago that we intervened on my good friend. He entered an in patient program, all went well, didn’t actually even need detox. It was the follow through he couldn’t handle. He just couldn’t build up the patience to sit in those meetings and listen to other’s problems. It drove him mad. After several sober months, he fell off the wagon and pulled away. After a very dark year, he picked himself up, went back to work and started living again. And then one day when the office was empty he fell back into the old routine of pouring a day drink, the trigger was flipped, fired the next day showing up hammered, and for the next 2 years he was in the darkest of places and ended his days in the worst of ways. A brilliant man laid to rest at 43 years old. One of you mentioned a slippery slope earlier. I had no idea it was THIS slippery. Just 2 years ago living, working and dating and yet he dies a slow painful, “Leaving Las Vegas” style death with not so much as a painkiller to help his pain and hallucinations as he faded away. Don’t forget just how slippery that slope is. I won’t.

Ah your post makes me sad for you. Drinking again will seem like a great idea for the first few seconds after the first sip – ahhh there it is – but I can only guess that beyond that you’ll find few positives and many negatives. 165 days is a tremendous accomplishment in itself, and is love to see you keep going and put your energy to better use than returning to booze. Have you read Recovery 2.0 by Tommy Rosen? Maybe you could read that book before deciding if you want to pick up again. Maybe you could add one or two more things to your routine to build more happiness into your sobriety, rather than chucking it. Seriously, you deserve the best life has to offer and I don’t think booze will get you there!

Thanks all.
I am the day 165 guy again.
Went to a friend’s for dinner. The hosts drank. The wife (who is not a drinker at all – may be 1 glass of wine every couple of months) drank a glass. I chose not to drink today unlike what I had thought before. I guess I was not yet ready for the guilt that was coming tomorrow if I drank today and the day after and not sure how many days, months, thereafter. Not sure how long I will drag. I can certainly “not drink” like today, like everyday in the last 165 days. Thanks for all your words. May be I should buy that Tommy book.
Having quite a few turbulences in life, profession etc. waiting for some life-changing decisions, lots of impatient moments, these all have made me consider drinking again even if drinking is far from solution but will make the wait much more bearable (of course at the cost of all the guilt and hangover and remorse that it will bring for sure). But it appears I have collected enough sanity in the last 165 days due to clarity in mind that tells me to hang on and regardless of how unpleasant the feeling, stick with not drinking. But for sure I feel very very vulnerable, could pick up a drink any weak moment. Possibly this weekend.

Kari, you are NOT alone. I suck at this. Every day I swear to God I won’t drink again but I do. Every day, I live the same regret, shame, remorse, guilt, humiliation, and degradation. I hate it. I pretend like I am ok to everyone. It’s the worst. I keep thinking I can do this by myself but it has been 2 years. It hits 4:30 and the demon in me wins. I hate that weak part of be but I also love her. I struggle with letting go because alcohol kind of saved me mentally. I had terrible depression and I survived because it allowed me to not care for my kids and family when I really did. Ok. Sorry. Rambling. Kari I really hope you are ok. I will be honest though from one drunk to another, I am not sure what your post said. Pretty sure I have gone off track because I am drunk…..because it is easier for me to believe “if I wanted to, I could control it” …..like I said, it has been two years since I’ve tried. I think I am losing. Gosh I am sorry. Selfish. So sorry, I am selfish.

Several life shocks caused me to stop, mainly the death of several people who drank. I just read an article about the higher incidence of breast cancer in women who drink what they believe is a small amount. http://draxe.com/alcohol-breast-cancer-risk/

My problems are mainly gastro. For a couple years I had been having a pain on my left side that went miraculously away when I had a shot. I didn’t realize that alcohol (as well as some other stuff like caffeine) was making it worse. The scare of what it would be like to have part of my gut removed is enough for me to stop, seeing it can only be a downward spiral.

I suggest you do get help because it is really difficult to give up the stuff alone.
Best wishes.

“I was the most boring alcoholic ever – I have no stories of catastrophe. I just knew I was losing control and needed to take charge.” — Unpickled, June 2014

Those two sentences changed the course of my life. 500 days ago I made the decision to stop drinking. No one knew I was getting out of control. In fact, I hid my drinking so well I’m not sure anyone would have believed me had I told them. I began to contemplate quitting the last few weeks of December 2014. I wanted to secretly stop drinking so that left the internet as my “sponsor.” As has happened to so many others, I stumbled across your website and began reading…and kept reading until I had read and absorbed every entry and every comment. I was one of the “yet” people you write about. Nothing really bad had happened to me…yet. No DUI, no humiliating myself in public, no rock-bottom…yet. Yes, I experienced wide-awake blackouts, meaning the next day I could see I’d done the laundry and cleaned up the dinner dishes, but had no recollection of doing it. (Luckily, even in my wide-awake drunken stupor I had enough clarity to know that getting behind the wheel was a no-no.) I functioned normally all day long but when 5:00 came, it was wine time. In short order, I would be reasonably smashed but able to function fairly well to the outside world. My friends drank (and still do) quite a bit more than me so I always looked like the lightweight drinker in our crowd but I knew if I kept going, this was eventually not going to end well.

How did I get to where I was? I’m not even sure myself. There’s nothing in my upbringing that would have predisposed me to drinking. I had exceptional parents whose drinking habits consisted of splitting a beer on pizza night. My late husband used to drink a glass or two of wine a night, never more, and although I didn’t say anything, I kind of frowned on it! Occasionally I joined him with a small glass of wine but that was it. Then he died within weeks of being diagnosed with terminal cancer, leaving me with a young child to raise. Being home at night was torture so I’d walk over to my girlfriend’s house and our kids would play while we drank wine. My girlfriend and her husband had a large circle of friends, and several of them would also come by almost nightly to drink as well. It was almost a frat-house atmosphere on a daily basis. Things just spiraled from there. Soon I was not only drinking there but would continue to drink alone when I got home. At some point, I starting waking up feeling like crap almost every day and telling myself I had to quit but by the 5PM bewitching hour, I was crawling out of my skin wanting to drink—and I did. I hated myself. After 5 years of this behavior, a switch went off somewhere in my booze-soaked brain that said “enough.” I prepped myself mentally for weeks and had my last drink on December 31, 2014. I won’t say it was easy at first but so very worth it. I had to isolate myself from drinkers for a while. At 5PM I had to make sure I was busy. I spend many an evening wandering through the local shopping mall with my daughter just to be away from the house. As I “detoxed,” I worked on my diet and ramped up my exercise. This was a positive distraction as I lost ten pounds and actually weigh what my driver’s license says I weigh! It was a lot of work but the “high” I get from my new life is so much better than the one from wine. I feel amazing and sleep more soundly than I have in years. I re-connected with an old love and we’re engaged. My daughter is so proud of me. More importantly, I’m proud of me and I like the person I’ve become. I’m at the point where I can be around people who are drinking and know it won’t influence me to drink. Sure, I miss the partying at times, but not enough to trade my current life for a bottle of wine and a hangover. To those reading this who may be contemplating quitting, do it. Read and reread every post on this blog when things get tough. It will encourage you to keep pushing through. 500 days is going to pass whether you’re drunk or sober. Where do you want to be in 500 days?

Congratulations on 500 days! I love what you said here: “500 days is going to pass whether you’re drunk or sober. Where do you want to be in 500 days?” Perfectly stated. My next big day is July 12 which will mark one year since I quit drinking. Every day at this point is an important day as long as I am sober.

Good for you …..that’s awesome……I’m on day 52 so pretty new to the whole sober way of life but I have to say ..it is getting easier…….I did have a hard couple days about a week ago.. but staying strong ….I love the sober life….it’s just not complicated……thanks for sharing

And today is day 1,000. Hard for me to comprehend but I’m really proud of myself. Later when I look back on my life I will count kicking booze as one of my best accomplishments. For those of you on day 1 or day 10, hang in there. You can do this. Now when things are tough–or really good–reaching for alcohol isn’t my first thought! Sure, sometimes I think about drinking but it’s a fleeting thought. I would never trade what I’ve worked so hard to accomplish for a raging hangover! Life is so much better sober. Reading this blog was the start….

I still pop by for encouragement now and then. Now I count the time sober in years, not days. That in itself makes me proud. 3.5 years now. Thank you for this blog and for being my “sponsor”–you helped me more that you could ever know.

Today is day 311 for me. I’m looking forward to my 1 year anniversary where I plan to celebrate with as much diet Mt. Dew I can drink (my go to drink these days).

I never imagined I would have such a great outlook on life as I do today. I hated waking up every day, and hated myself for what I was doing to myself and my family. I still regret what I was doing to my famil, and sometimes more what I wasn’t doing for them. But that regret is what keeps me grounded. Now, I look forward to every day and what it brings.

Everyone on here, you can do this. Try to figure out what’s triggering you to keep going back to the drink, and try to eliminate that trigger. It’s not always obvious what that trigger is. Many times it’s something that would make sense to others, like stress from work or a family situation. Many times it’s something that doesn’t make sense to others. Like for me, my trigger was me telling myself I had total control and that I could quit anytime, so I would justify stopping at the liquor store almost every evening on the way home from work. To eliminate that trigger I did a lot of research on the health affects of alcohol and I scared myself into quitting. What I was telling myself was normal was actually killing me. I wasn’t under stress from work or my family life, but I would pretend that I was because that was a more acceptable reason to do what I was doing. I was actually making my life stressful by lying to myself and saying it was, so that I could use that as an excuse. Boy, the brain can sure be complicated.

My pulse rate was over 100 when I didn’t have my booze (it would go down when I finally had a few). My blood pressure was through the roof. My weight was borderline obese and my energy level would barely allow me to get ready in the morning. Sometimes I was so shaky I could barely walk down the stairs. After almost a year off booze, my pulse is consistently around 60, blood pressure 115/75, lost 20 pounds, workout 3 times a week and do pushups/situps every day, and my energy level is through the roof. I’ve read 6 books since I quit (probably read 4 books in 10 years before that). I’ve found a new level of passion for my hobbies, which before I only had interest in when I was drinking because that was the only time I was ‘happy.’ I’ve found a passion for my family that was buried by alcohol. Looking back, I see that I was in a heavy level of depression that kept me from functioning in almost every aspect of my life. But I didn’t realize that when I was drinking, which is just crazy to think I could feel that was and think that was normal. I’m embarrassed for things I did, but only realized how embarrassed I was until I had quit. Alcohol is a liar. It will tell you you are normal and doing just fine.

Everyone, keep up the good work. Some of you are on day 1 today as I see from the recent posts. Make a change in your life, find that trigger if you can, ask for help, don’t be afraid or embarrassed, throw out all the booze in the house, go for a run or walk, cry into a pillow, punch a pillow, get mad, hug your kids, eat an entire pizza. Whatever it takes. Alcohol is not your friend. Don’t tell him you’ll just see him on weekends. Tell him you’re leaving and slam that door on the way out.

Thank you for sharing this.
When does the guilt start to go away?
I just want to put distance between myself and the hour I last had a drink.
Day 1- AGAIN, I finally fully admit I am powerless over this and if I don’t stop, I face too many negative consequences, consequences no drink is worth.
I don’t even know what to say except this has to stop for me.
I’ve started over twice in one week!
What a failure.
Congratulations on over 300 days, Erik, I know you can make that 1000 and more.
You should truly feel proud of yourself.
I am claiming back my life on this most wonderful day of the year, Mother’s Day.
I hope I don’t fail again.
I don’t feel worth anything at the moment.

Hi there,
Please don’t say you are not worth anything, or feel that way.
What you don’t know is your compass is already pointed towards health.
Yes, it is a struggle at first. A thousand mile journey beings with one step.
Even backwards, or stumbling until we get it right.
I toyed with the idea of complete abstinence for a couple years, having had the idea I could take a vacation from it, like periods of fasting and it would be clean out of my system. Wrong! I do think that there is a connection between having diabetes or some kind of carbohydrate intolerance in the extended family that makes matters worse.
In fact, this inability to process sugar may just well be the basis for so much of alcohol dependency. We cannot be neutral towards it because of the metabolic issues some of us already have. I say this because it is not so much a weakness of will. However, strength of will is necessary to control and overcome.
When I feel weak-kneed, I think of those in my family and others I have known whose lives were wrecked by this. I don’t want to follow their paths. I still want to do a lot of fun things in life. If the price to be paid is giving up alcohol, I will do it.
Nevertheless, it is hard.
Best wishes,
chou-chou

Thank you, chou chou, your words are comforting and reassuring.
I had a break through today. In the past when I’ve said I was quitting drinking and I went to the store, I’d have to actively, consciously avoid the alcohol aisle. About two hours after I returned from the store today, it occurred to me that going down that aisle didn’t even cross my mind, I walked right past it and didn’t have to actively keep myself from it.
When I returned home, I also wasn’t sad or regretful that I didn’t buy alcohol.
I hope soon this will be second nature and avoiding or not purchasing alcohol will feel as natural as breathing.
I am excited for this change, no more self-loathing, I am going to treat myself with kindness as I heal from this addiction.

Yesterday I had the same situation. I pass this particular supermarket only once a year on the way to the accountant. Last year, and it seemed like yesterday, I was scouring the booze shelf. This time I passed it without any regrets. This didn’t mean that later on I wasn’t longing for a nightcap but I got to sleep all the same and even slept through the night until 5 in the morning. For a long time I had been getting up around 3 or so, maybe because the blood sugar plunges after a spike. When the blood is not subjected to high concentrations of sugar as with alcohol. then there is no hypoglycemic let down. I still think I have a sugar problem. My family anyway has a high incidence of diabetes. After a certain age, many are dependent on insulin. I had very high cholesterol even 10 years ago. I think there is definitely a metabolic connection, even less reason for blaming one’s self.

Great write-up. Encouraging. Motivating. This totally mirrors my feelings. Day 150 today for me and still strong. Days are way better. Mind is way clearer. Hopes are limitless. Opportunities are in the air. I wish I don’t ever loose the wisdom not to touch that poison again, regardless of what may look like the cost.

Yep I got through a who a whole week, yay me! Went to hospital this weekend at stroke level bp and I know it was because of binge drinking. That was the kick I needed, found a shot in my couch this morning though 😦 tossing that sucker when I get home.

Yep, I too have been spiraling out of control, missed three days of work, I may lose my job I don’t know. I do know I feel way better when I don’t drink, but there is always an excuse. I mean it is like I am not even trying to stop myself. I feel like I would be such a better mother and person if I could just kick this terrible habit. The guilt and shame really suck but I keep coming back. Today is a new day and tonight I will be sober. That is all I can do for now.

Andrea,
I really needed those words, I’m so glad you wrote them. I found myself drinking again for the second night in a row, after going a few days without. I CAN do this, then I slip back into NOT doing it. I’m tired of starting and stopping over again, I have posted before that I won’t have another start (because I’ll maintain), but I keep falling into the same pattern(s). I can’t undo last night or two nights ago, but I can stay in control of today, of this moment, of tonight. I can spend today and tonight sober and step forward on that. I just hate myself so much for drinking…and drinking so much! Why did I?
Your words are meaningful and helpful. Today I can have my do-over.

You need to forgive yourself for drinking. It is forgivable. When we hold on to that self hatred, we spiral. It is ok if you went backwards. The important piece to remember is you want to move forward and you can. Progress not perfection. Forgive yourself.

Thank you for your kind words. I am working to tell myself it’s okay to forgive myself, I am repeating that until it sinks in, I am tired of punishing myself with unforgiveness, much in the way I punished my body with alcohol. I want to heal and move forward. Day 1 I know can turn into Day 100 and more.

Thank you, all of your words are healing and congratulations!
Day 100 is my dream and feels so far out of reach, I do wish I had more days under my belt, but that deep regret won’t help, I can live in hope and the promise to myself that today will be different and keeping going from there. 🙂

That is the nature of addiction, it fights hard for control and its up to us to fight harder. Keep standing up, know that the only way to are back your power is to starve the addiction. No alcohol, period. “Addiction is not your fault, but recovery is your responsibility.” (I wish I knew who to credit for that awesome phrase) stand tall, no shame. You have it in you to break out of this pattern, and you deserve nothing less than to be free and joyful.

First of all, support and virtual hugs for everyone who is struggling. It is hard when there is still booze in the house. It probably is even more important for a person such as my husband who has had a stroke to give up the stuff as well as smoking but he got his son to pass him a bottle of hard liquor. Enabling from family members is a known phenomenon. I did announce that there would be no more booze in the house. Meanwhile, it is hard for me to pass up the stuff when I am fighting literally on all fronts.

One of which is physical, probably the main reason to stop. I have had gastro issues my entire life and as things go, they steadily deteriorate as one gets older. It is not as though I made no effort to improve my health. On the contrary, I am a real nut for diet and in particular natural healing as opposed to conventional medicine.

About 5 years ago however I started noticing a kind of cramp on my right side and also discovered that a shot or two actually got rid of the pain. So I would go through the whole day looking forward to blessed relief at night. Little did I know that the alcohol was contributing to the problem. There are two aspects of the ileo-cecal valve that happens to be on the right side, alcohol as well as caffeine and some other substances actually weaken it. Conversely, calcium strengthens it. I was dumbfounded when even juicing wasn’t helping.

I tried to stay away from alcohol while fasting and modifying my diet to exclude gluten, dairy and what not. In fact, I probably tried every diet know to man or womankind. All this simply didn’t help, in particular, excluding natural dairy products. I am trying different calcium combinations but my guts are too irritated it seems.

I write all this because the weakening of the ICV and other gastro issues are directly implicated in the consumption of alcohol.

It’s strange coming from a background in which there was plenty of drinking, thinking I was immune. Hah! My father’s and grandfather’s drinking was overt, my mother used to hide the wine bottles in back of curtains. I also remembered that she invited me when I was an adolescent to late night liqueur sipping parties with her! In fact, I never realized her bad her own problem was, until starting to tackle my own. Things began to come together and memories surface that had been repressed for decades.

It is said when you point one finger at someone, three are pointing back. That is exactly what she used to do with my father, giving him plenty of reasons to drink and then slap him with the label of “no good drunk”. This was not really true since he kept a job down all of his life. He eventually succumbed at the age of 78 due to complications from diabetes and heart disease. There is often a correlation between inability to handle sugar and the move to alcoholism.

My gastro issues are the main thing now and the stumbling block for my getting back to some decent standard of functioning. It is really annoying knowing that there is an anodyne for the crampiness and also for my frustration and disappointment but it is as inaccessible as the Garden of Eden, but a false one at that.

I am wondering if there are others who have had similar gastro experiences with you know what. Thanks, chou-chou

So happy to have found this blog. Addiction is so lonely. Thank you for starting this blog and your honesty.

To the commentor named Gina – would you like a sober buddy to email with? Your post about the guilt you feel for putting your husband and kids through hell rings so true to me. So much so that I obsess over that thought. Let me know if you’d like an accountability partner. I sure could use one.

I made it through day 4 and on to day 5 today. It is very lonely, and the hardest time for me is between 2 and 6 where I would usually slip to that place “where everybody knows my name”.
Liz – I would very much like that. You can email me at renee.loter72@gmail.com. Thank you for your support and happy to see you here! And it does help so much to hear of others feeling as we do.

Anyone can comment on medical advice? Most of us are ashamed to admit and seek profesional health. Also, some jobs require access to your medical history. I am ashamed to go to my family doctor who knows my husband, kids and myself before the RED status. Trying to keep the status draining in wine and being ( not becoming) a slave.

I too am in the action stage. I have toyed with the idea of quitting and today two of my fingers are orange. Im scared to death I am going wake up tomorrow with my whole body orange. I quit for about 5 days a month ago just to make sure I could if I wanted and the fingers has me set to not drink anymore. Its been over 24 hours and I don’t crave it or feel crappy or anything, i’m just scared its too late. If anyone has any experience with this it would be great if you could comment.

It’s important that you get medical advice from medical professionals. We are here to cheer you on in recovery and I believe in your ability to get trough this, but if you’re worried about your health please call a medical hotline or check in with your doctor. Your health is precious and you deserve to be well and strong and enjoying life to the fullest!

you pretty wrote verbatim everything I have felt or thought and done. It is so ridiculous because in every other aspect of my life, my health is so important. Yet I can’t seem to “manage” my intake to stay on the healthy side of drinking. It makes me feel so incompetent I cannot do that. I hate that I can’t. I am trying really hard to pull myself out of denial and accept that no matter how hard I want to be a “normal” social drinker, I don’t think I ever will be again.

I tired of the battle every day to ” not” stop and buy wine and then the same Groundhog Day every morning when I wake up so ashamed that I couldn’t not drink…..

What I dislike the most about it is I am so full of resolve in the morning and then by about 3 pm, I can all of a sudden justify stopping to buy some. I can’t seem to see realistically at that point. Or better yet, I can’t “feel ” realistically. I try to reason out all the reasons why I shouldn’t but because by that point in the day, I no longer “feel” the same way about the alcohol. I suspect that is because “the monster” needs tone fed by then.

I am getting tired of not being important enough to me to stop drinking. I am tired of the revolving door, Groundhog Day life I am living. I am scared though I won’t find the inspiration, motivation and intention to stop. I am going to try again. I just wish I never crossed that line. Makes me sad. Thanks for this blog post. I needed to get that out.

I would have the exact same Groundhog Day, day after day after day! The only difference was beer was my crutch. I am only on day 2 and it is hard. You will know when it is time to stop. I was so consumed with guilt, shame and depression and I would get verbally mean. That pendulum would either swing to really happy or really mad. When I woke up and saw the despicable texts that I had sent to people that I loved (again), I knew I had to stop, not to mention all the health factors. I cannot maintain and stay on the healthy side of drinking either. I had good intentions, and next thing I would know, it was 6 or 8 beers later and looking forward to more guilt, shame, depression and hangover the next morning. I also missed out on a lot of my children’s preteen and teenage years. This really saddens me. I don’t want to miss anymore as they are now 20 and 22. Good luck to you and maybe you should frequent the blog daily as I know it is going to be one of my strongest tools for getting through this. It really helps to communicate with the people on here as I know they are not judging me (big pet peeve of mine) because they have all been there and are here to offer support to each other.

Thanks Gina. I appreciate your comments and knowing that someone is hearing me who feels the same way. I havent had any tonight and won’t. I just d coded it is too big to worry about tomorrow. Just going to make a good choice for tonight. Less daunting.

I have begun the journey again after a few months of sobriety and a year a back to heavy drinking. I never deleted this thread and many days I passed it by on my cell phone. But something in my brain said leave it. Today I am on day 3 Ist day is always tough but I knew what to expect. Terrible nightmares. restlessness etc. Two day a bit better . Ice tea, Club soda and fiber mix with lots of water is my non hangover/stay sober -go to. It worked before. As with lots of folks I am 50% more productive in just this short time. I cant look to a time I can drink again I just hope to have the strength to fight when the temptation gets here. I know it will come. Keep writing folks like many have said this blog is a lifeline to grab on to. Thank you

On Tue, Apr 26, 2016 at 6:28 PM, UnPickled Blog wrote:

> commented: “Thanks Gina. I appreciate your comments and knowing that > someone is hearing me who feels the same way. I havent had any tonight and > won’t. I just d coded it is too big to worry about tomorrow. Just going to > make a good choice for tonight. Less daunting.” >

Thank you so much for the blog! I’ve been reading for a year, working with a harm reduction therapist, and have been collecting new tools for the last year. I’m ready to take the leap starting today to move into a period of abstinence. I want to share that your “voice” is often in my head reminding me of all that I will gain by removing the numbness from my life. I am scared – but weirdly excited. I just told my partner of my decision and shared my fears. I’m going to do this! As he said, “I know it will be hard, but it will be better.”

I stumbled on this blog several months ago or it stumbled on me because I wasn’t looking for a blog like this. It just happened that it was similar in address to another blog about something completely different I was following.

At any rate, several other markers pointed me in this direction. One was being desperate to read a book so as to pass unemployed time so picked up the Mayor of Casterbridge that had been lying around for years. I said, what the heck. For those who don’t know the plot, an itinerant laborer did a shameful act while drunk that affected his family so promised not to touch alcohol for 21 years, eventually becoming a successful businessman and mayor. His former life did manage to invade the present however, which is the premise of the book.
When some posts entered my inbox, I read some of them out of curiosity. But then I started recognizing myself with the Red Flags, but still loathe to admit it.

I do come from a family of drinkers but also with tendencies to diabetes and heart disease. Alcohol and sugary substances wreaked vast damage. The weird part is that my father was always supposed to be the identified patient. For decades my mother was going on with the ‘big bad drunk’ but she had been hiding her own addiction for all that time! They say when you point one finger, three are pointing back atcha. Before being forcefully admitted to an elder care facility, she was “hiding” bottles of wine behind curtains, as though she was fooling anyone. My Italian-born grandfather used to make his own wine in huge barrels. He and his son used to have drinking parties together. This was repeated with my mother inviting me to sup liqueur with her on school nights. Also, we used to get a huge jug of the wine to drink with meals from gramps while we were still kids.

As a young to middle-aged adult, I couldn’t afford much alcohol but the smoked stuff was readily available. By back calculation, certain partners had a taste for wine and brandy. The combination of the two was quite unsettling.

The buddy system in which my father was participating and my mother tried to seduce me into was repeated in my own life. I put an abrupt stop to it a couple weeks ago. I felt I was being used as a pimp to supply the stuff since I do most if not all, of the shopping. Drinking for me is less lethal than for the person who has already had a stroke and insists on continuing to smoke, that I don’t do. But I realized the health deficits with me are quite severe. I have had gastro-intestinal issues ever since childhood with the stressful home I was growing up in. Over a few years I discovered cramps actually subsided with a dram or two. So I would go through the day more or less in discomfort, looking forward to being pain-free at night. The point I didn’t realize was that the alcohol was contributing to the inflammation and I was getting progressively worse.

What put the lid on it was discovering that alcohol is a mast cell activator, and I had enough problems with histamine intolerance. This I believe is a core issue with those who may susceptible to addiction. Those who already react to chocolate, fermented products, etc., have even a worse time with alcohol. The typical red face of a person who has been drinking is due exactly to that mechanism. When I saw myself as being red in the mirror even when not drinking, or during the day when waiting for the evening’s bliss, I realized that this is my base condition and to control it and maybe even beat it, booze has GOT TO GO.

This of course is easier said that done. So much of addiction is mental, what does one do at a habitual time of day or when something hurts, etc.? This part is hard as you all know. It has been difficult with the significant other but strangely enough he seems to have accepted that I, at least will bring no more of that stuff into the house. Maybe he also had a realization or epiphany.

It’s hard for me to believe I just wrote the above but while still consuming the stuff, I would not have been able to, as it perpetrates a state of denial.

Hi Chou-Chou, so glad you found my blog. There are no accidents, are there? Clearly this is where you were meant to be. Congratulations on all of the positive changes you have made in life. It isn’t easy with dysfunction all around, but you can stand in your truth and show others what freedom from addiction looks like. Sending you wishes for happiness and continued success.

Thanks for your feedback. After deciding to give up the stuff, my mind began to lead me back where in so many instances, it was present as a saboteur or at least numbing the mind enough so as not to make the right decisions. I had a flashback about a dysfunctional partner who admitted as a child he used to finish the wine or drinks left by his parents as parties. I wonder if some of us are just metabolically unable to process it or become that way.
For me the deciding factor was learning that alcohol is a big time mast cell activator. I had histamine problems all my life that finally was able to hook up with the gastro ones thanks to mastocytosis. The problem was over the past few years, I developed cramping that was miraculously relieved by a shot or two. Of course, like everything else, it only masks the pain but doesn’t cure it, even makes it worse. I couldn’t go through the whole day potted, like the secretary of the school I was teaching in, so waited for the redemption in the evening. It’s funny I thought I was not as bad as the guy you could smell the metabolizing alcohol not far from where he was sitting. But now I think after a couple weeks, it’s not completely out of my system. In fact, feedback on that subject would be appreciated. I still feel lightheaded at times.
The buddy system is really a case in point and vitally important to associate with those who lift you up rather than pull you down. It was hard having booze around here when I stopped but since I do most of the shopping, I’m pretty much in control. I said I am not going to bring any more into the house, that’s it, not only for my health but his. The penny may have dropped. I hope so. Good to hear from you, am appreciative of anyone who wants to chime in.

I forgot to mention that another contributing wake-up call was the passing of a brother of a friend of mine from complications of diabetes at the age of 53. She didn’t say if he also drank like her father and other brother who died prematurely. This unfortunate happening was in a Moslem family no less where it is not supposed to occur. She told me what I need to hear, that it is harmful. I’d really like to know if others still felt lightheaded after passing to freedom!

I think it’s time to quit when you discover that you drove to McDonalds at 1:30am and have absolutely no recollection of it. The only indication is a charge on your statement. That’s some serious scary $hit. I’m lucky I didn’t kill anyone, kill myself and/or get a DUI. I love the energy and emotional state I experience when I’ve been sober for several days. I wish I could just have a couple and stop but once I get that buzz in me I’m off to the races. It’s like some evil spirit takes over my body. The hangovers are absolutely brutal and I’m tired of feeling like complete garbage. It’s going to be a long journey but it’s either that or continue to drink and put myself in the grave.

I am so glad you are safe and well, and you can show your gratitude for that good fortune by sticking to the changes that can eliminate the possibility of that kind of danger ever happening again! People who have been responsible for injuring others carry a terrible burden that is hard to reconcile – it is a heartache that many never recover from, and it is even worse for those who lose their loved ones to such a tragedy.

Today is day 1. I just can’t do it anymore. Enough. Feeling indescribably low. But I know that more alcohol will only keep me there. This is going to be profoundly weird though, especially by evening. Any advice?

It IS weird at first, but it is also cool to realize HEY! You can do anything in the evenings because you aren’t drunk! You can drive to the store for popsicles, you can go for a walk, you can go to a movie or a play. One trick that many find helpful is that sugar can negate alcohol cravings – partly because it trips the pleasure-reward circuitry that addiction mucks up, and partly because sugary and booze don’t pair well, so your palate will be confused. Some sadness is normal, we grieve the loss of what we came to think of as our best friend. It passes, and after a while you will start to feel better. It is much like a painful breakup, so treat yourself with the same gentleness you would under those circumstances. When you are trying to think of ways to pass the time, ask yourself what activities you would offer if you were babysitting your 12-year-old self: lots of snacks, shoot hoops, play video games, go outside and walk our visit something interesting. What you wouldn’t offer a 12-year-old is alcohol, right? That wouldn’t be an option. So keep that in mind and if you get bored, give yourself appropriate options. Good luck! It is a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself!

Today is day 1 for me. I have so much guilt. I have put my kids and husband through hell. When does the guilt go away and how do you get it to go away. I have years of it built up. Your blog is going to be a wonderful tool in my journey to sobriety. Thank you and I am glad I discovered it this ugly hungover morning.

When I get to the end of June it will be one year for me. I don’t know that the guilt goes away, it has not for me. But it’s a different kind of guilt. Sure, I feel bad for what I was doing and more importantly, not doing. But when I look back on this last year I get an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and love for myself. I see how I’ve become a better father and husband, how I’ve found my true friends, and how I’m no longer missing out on life. I think that guilt serves a purpose, it keeps me from going back. And I like that. I honestly think I had to hit a low in order to maintain this high, otherwise I’d look back and say ‘what’s the big deal, I was doing fine’ and I’d be back at it again. So keep at it, the first week or two is always the hardest, as many have said. But you’ll soon see what I mean.

I am about the same as Eric when it comes to time. I will be a year the beginning of July. It took me about 4 times of quitting before I got where I am at now. Embarrassment and health were the two biggest reasons to quit for me. The first month was daunting to me but after that it got easier. Good luck and believe in yourself that you can do it.

Thank you both for your replies. I suppose you are probably right in constantly having the guilt feeling to serve as a reminder of why we do not want to go back there. I have missed out on so much and I cannot wait to have that feeling of clarity and accomplishment and to gain the respect back of all my loved ones. I am ready for the journey (with all of your help of course)!

It’s also Day 1 (again) for me.
Reading it is for others is so encouraging.
No more guilt, I want to prove to myself I can do this.
I drank earlier today and tossed the rest out. I am determined not to even bring it back into my house again.
I look forward to and wish I could already be at 1 day, 3 days, 7 days, etc. sober, and would be, had I not failed myself and my family yet again.
I want the sense of peace days without brings, I’m tired of failing at this.

So, day 2 is hard! Felt terrible when I got up this morning and have been extremely tired all day. Feeling lonely and tired and stressed and really wanting a drink. Not going to give in but am really fighting it!

Hang in there! The first few days can be difficult, but it’s confirmation that a change was necessary right? Be very very gentle with yourself. Sugar can help alleviate alcohol cravings, and drinking lots of water and herbal tea is good too. Rest. Restore. Rebuild. You’re doing great!

Thank you for the advice and encouragement! Maybe that is why I was craving ice cream last night….I rarely want ice cream. This blog is such a great tool for me. Even though I know no one I feel like I know everyone and am not alone. Thanks again! The night isn’t over but I think I have day 2 in the bag! I think I will go for ice cream! 😉

Hey everyone, I just wanted to say this an amazing blog, its really great to see people really supporting others. Keep it up!
Now, getting back to my post. I have a close friend who is very much like a brother to me, he has been a heavy drinker for a very long time. he has tried to quit before but has never really succeeded. However his most recent attempt seems very different and much more determined and focused. I wanted to know what you guys think is the most valuable thing that I could do to support my friend?

You are a good friend! There is lots you can do to be supportive. One is to invite him out for coffee or brunch or a run, or anything that has no connection to booze. Spend time together in non-drinky situations. Another is to ask him what he likes to drink now and make sure you stock it when he comes by. You can ask him what helps and what doesn’t. I wrote a whole post on this topic, graphic included. Have a look: https://unpickledblog.com/2014/12/24/top-ten-list-for-supportive-normies/
PS – please come back and tell us what you do that works well and how your friend responds!

My drinking started to ramp up about a year and a half ago. It can definitely be contributed to stress at work and a busy home life. I never drank every day, but did habitually on weekends and most of the time when I had a day off work. I also think a lot of it had to do with making a Friday night or Saturday afternoon more “intetesting”. It kind of cured boredom around the house.

After this past New Year’s I decided to cut down. I definitely did, but then I was quickly back to drinking every weekend. I did this even though I found I would have a new-found energy after taking a weekend off. Well, this past Sunday, on Easter, I had a few beers followed by a couple glasses of wine. The next day at work I felt awful. I’m writing this three days later and am finally starting to feel normal, albeit still tired.

That was the last straw. The few hours of feeling good is not worth the days of malaise and sluggishess. Also, the clear-headed energy is a great reward for staying sober. I’m just finally tired of putting that poison in my body.

Today is my 9 month anniversary. But that’s not why I’m here. Today is also day 1 for my best friend. He had his realization yesterday that alcohol is the root of all of his issues. He has some really hard things going on in his life and he attributed all his anxiety and general feeling terrible to that. I knew he was a heavy drinker, and I had grown apart from him since I’ve quit. But that was my fault as I was keeping myself away from drinkers. I no longer feel I need to do that. I’m able to go to the bar with friends to watch the March madness games and drink diet coke and actually enjoy myself and feel no temptation. I know he is not able to do that, not yet. He’s having borderline severe withdrawal symptoms. Bordering on DTs I fear. So I’ve been in constant contact. I even drove him into work today as he’s taking anti anxiety medication and can’t drive. I feel he may need something better to get him over these symptoms but he refuses to go to a rehab clinic. We talked for hours yesterday and he tried to justify weening himself off of booze. ‘I’ll just have a few tomorrow to get me through the day’ he said. I told him I really didn’t think that was the way to go and he really needs to go cold turkey. Throw out the booze tonight. Talk to your wife and make sure she’s supportive. I’m hoping I’m right. I fear his wife is very upset (he admitted to her he’s been doing day drinking yesterday just to get through the days) which isn’t helping him. He’s a very anxious and worrying type person, and he needs someone to support him, not get mad at him. I’m hoping I can be that person but I’m not family. His wife’s family are all heavy drinkers so I fear he doesn’t have the support system in place to stay clean. Any advice anyone has, please send it. I was lucky, my wife doesn’t drink so now we are an alcohol free family. My mother and her mother don’t as well. Both our father’s died and alcohol was a factor in that. My friend has all his family still, but it seems they all drink, so he’ll be the odd one out. I’m not greatly religious but I’m praying for him today.

You are very kind to be looking out for your friend. It has been a few days since you wrote this – how is he doing so far? It can be very hard for people to stay sober in an unhealthy drinking environment – he may need the support of a group like Al-Anon in addition to his own efforts to stay alcohol-free. Maybe taking him to a meeting like that is something you could do as a way to be supportive.

Well it’s been a while since I have posted this, but I was working with my friend on his issues and wanted to see how it played out. Well, it has not gone well. He’s back to ‘Day 1’ again today. I think he was too embarrassed to reach out for help, so he took the easy route back to the booze. He does not want to seek treatment. And I quit without treatment (2 weeks until 1 year for me!! yahoo!!), so I think he sees that it can be done, but I’m not so sure it will be as easy for him. That’s also an embarrassing thing to admit to yourself, that you need someone else to help you. So here we go again. He’s very worried about getting DTs so his plan is to ween himself off. I’ve read up on DTs a little and it’s scary.

Everything I read in this blog was ME! The scheming, hiding, telling myself every morning that today I quit, heavy drinking before an event just in case there’s NOT enough alcohol, buy grog from different locations, downing shots because the wine just didn’t hit me hard enough, calculating the wine storage at home to ensure I don’t run out. I don’t even know how this happened. It just crept up on me. But you got sober – you beat it. That gives me encouragement. Well done!!!

I found your story and I can relate to some items. My life has suddenly changed after having an epileptic alcohol withdrawal seizure 3 weeks ago. I’ve been on medicine for my condition since elementary school and this was the 2nd seizure, but alcohol related. I had no idea that skipping my medicine on Friday and Saturday nights while I enjoyed my array of beers would hurt me so much. Drinking solo was something I looked forward to mainly because I talk so much during the day for my job. I’ve always kept a lot of hurt inside as well, and that beer, it helped. Well I found out that it didn’t help at all. My MRI revealed I have damaged my cerebellum (it has decreased in size a little), and the epilepsy combined was just a huge accident waiting to happen. My doctor said I was extremely lucky. No license for 6 months . I love cars. I have to rely on friends and family for rides etc. drinking for all of these years built up a huge tolerance so I could have 6-8 beers a night easy. It wasn’t worth it, and now alcohol isn’t an option for me. I could easily have a seizure if I even have 1 beer. If I had only known….. I have a great family and wonderful friends and not drinking will be something that they will support me with 100%. 🙂

I feel like I just read my story. Even the drinking scotch before bed to compensate for the missing alcohol. I’m just starting my story though and some days I don’t think I can make it through. I am so angry. I am looking forward to reading through your blog. I have a feeling it will help me.

Well, I tried to quit drinking and quickly learned that (pardon the pun) but I’m in a real pickle:

I recently had my 4th back surgery. A post lateral fusion of L4,5 & 6. I was in traction for 5 weeks and then noticed I was worse than before the sugery. After a while I learned that the hardward they put in my back, which in part is two plastic tubes that contain a human bone growth hormone, actually grew too much bone in the small of my back. The bone is growing into the sciatic nerve in my back.
Now, I can’t begin to tell you how painful it is to have a bone rubbing the raw nerve in your back, and I’d love to tell you all the name of the company, but my lawsuit says I cannot. So, now I am debilitated and a having to live at my mother’s how so whe can take care of my on the days I can’t move. This is my situation in life.
The drinking part is just complicating it. I am a divorced grown man. Who is disabled. Who is living with his mother for the first time since I was 17 years old. (That will drive you to drink if nothiing will, lol) But, my mother, in her own way is an alcoholic. He only drinks in the evening, but she drinks alone, becomes mean and irrational, etc, etc.

The point to this long story is: I have to stay here until some doctor in the US (this is a brand new medical issue for which hundreds of back surgery patients are awaiting a corrective surgery cure) figure out how to safely remove the bone without damaging the nerves in my back -or- I find someone else who can take care of me on the 3-4 days a week I am stuck in bed.
So this is the situation: I am trying to quit drinking after 25+ years of light to heavy drinking. (Some days I don’t drink. Most day I have 2-3-4 in the evening and occainsionally I don’t drink) I live with a drinker. There is always alcohol within reach and I am immobile so I don’t have a lot i can do to keep muself busy and alcohol off the brain!
A couple years ago a doctor told me I had high enzyme levels in my liver. Then last year I took another test before an MRI, and my liver test was ok. I’d scared to death for my heath, but I’ll be darned if that doesn’t stop me from drinking on those days I have that “poor me, life sucks” pathetic attitude.

Also, I can’t stand AA. I went to Al-Anon when I was around 12-13 when my “fathers” drinking blew out of control. (That’s right. My father destroyed my family with drinking. He died last April (I hadn’t spoken to him wince 1993. My mother drinks and my stepfather drinks, I am disabled, I drink and I am living in their house.) I cannot go to AA. I tried once, but it is sooooo not for me. It brings up too many childhood memories that just walking in there and listening to the rhetoric makes me want to buy a bottle of Chardonnay on the way home.

I seriously do have the first clue how to handle this and how to stop. ANY ideas, stories, anecdotes, helpful muses, advice, etc, that anyone has would be very appreciated.

I am on day 35 alcohol free. My father was a binge drinker, my brother is an alcoholic and my sister is a recovered alcoholic. I found myself increasing the amount and frequency of alcohol intake. I am a lung cancer survivor (23 years) and recently was non weigh bearing ( 6 long weeks) from a foot surgery. After the recovery from the lung surgery, and a long and tedious 5 years to be declared cancer free, I was a pity party and my drinking was taking over my every weekend and then my evenings. Life is short and I had to enjoy it. 5 weeks ago today I made the decision that I wasn’t really enjoying life as I was addicted to the alcohol. Like you, not interested in going to AA to listen to how much others had made a mess of their lives. I confessed to my best friend that I drank too much and much to my surprise, he admitted the same to me. I haven’t seen him since ( they live in another state). I think admitting to someone that you have a problem is the first step ( it worked for me). The following up by not drinking is the hard part. There are days that will challenge your resolve. If you are bent to religious beliefs you could pray but don’t look for any divine intervention, it is on you. I just do it one day at a time. Some days are easy, some are not easy but it is a wonderful feeling to wake up knowing I am sober and still have a chance to stay that way. Best of luck to you and hopefully a remedy to your back will be coming soon. Peace

This sounds so much like me, when you describe your mother. I’m not always mean when I drink, but of course, alcohol doing what it does, it heightens the chance of me acting manly toward my children, just saying words I can’t get back. Then I feel immense guilt, even before I’m sober, at what an awful, horrendous mom I am.

My children have already been through enough, we finally were able to leave a very abusive situation after years of daily horror. My mother never thought I’d get out alive.
We deserve to live fully, freely, and uninhibited by the chaos alcohol has the potential to bring. I cannot find myself at another day one, I’ve dumped the remaining wine I have and escorted the bottles out for trash pickup.
Today was a setback, but I won’t let it defeat me and I an so very helplessly determined and desperate not to have another start on this journey.

I am 42, I’ve been drinking off and on for 20 years. I’ve never drank every day, mainly weekends. I have hit spells where I didn’t drink for months at a time. It’s never caused problems at work, but I’ve all but ruined my marriage. I love my wife and 2 kids with everything I’ve got, I’ve never tried to hurt them, but it’s caused problems. I don’t want them to grow up drinking, and I don’t want to get so bad they won’t want to have anything to do with me. My wife already doesn’t. I don’t even crave alcohol, I just feel down in the dumps a lot, or sometimes have to much going on and drink to help get by. I do take Zoloft for high anxiety and borderline ocd. I just can’t drink a couple without going overboard. Im tired of my family finding bottles I’ve either hidden or forgotten about, feeling guilty, and knowing the only woman I’ve ever loved hates me, and it’s my fault. She’s a great woman, we’ve been together since we were in middle school. It’s hard to explain how I feel, but I’m tired of feeling this way. I can leave the alcohol alone, but then I’m just a hateful person, and can’t seem to find motivation. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hey friend, glad you are here. It may seem like you become miserable without the booze but can you honestly say that drinking is making things better instead of worse? Alcohol will interfere with your meds, making them ineffective and perpetuating the cycle even more. If you can’t drink a “few” without going overboard, your best best is to get alcohol free and stay that way, and if you are willing to make that happen you will definitely be in a better position to make whatever changes are necessary to work on your health and your marriage. Youa re not alone, there are tons of people out there who are in the same boat and who will be happy to walk this road with you. Have you considered going to meetings or maybe talking to your doctor?

I want to do it on my own. I have a busy schedule, work, two kids in sports in different directions, not much time. Like I said, I can go without it, I’ve just got to make myself stick to going without. I know I can beat it, main thing bothering me is I wish my wife could understand I’ve never done it to hurt her, and just because I have a problem to work on doesn’t mean I love her any less. Thanks for replying. Needed to throw it out there.

Today is my day 643. I had searched online for help to quit drinking for quite some time. I knew meetings or treatment were out of the question. Then there was that awesome day, I found this blog. Early days were spent using up “evening” time to get past wine o’clock so taking drives, going on walks, photography, photo editing and reading this blog were the ticket. I still like to read them.

That is awesome Lynn. Today is day 237 for me and still going strong. The support of my family is all I need. Most of my friends abandoned me because I don’t drink anymore. That doesn’t bother me one bit.

Tim and Keith – were they ever really friends if they disappear when the booze is gone? Or did they like you because you made them feel better about their own addictions or shortcomings? A few of my “wine friends” have faded, but my real friends shone through. Tim, I am so glad to hear you are still going strong! Keith, how are you managing in this isolation? Do you have support?

I am on day 89 of the 100 day challenge. I just received a case of wine as a gift from a family member who has no idea that my list of red flags is identical to yours. I keep contemplating what I will do when I reach my 100 day goal. How did you decide you were done?

Hi. I’ve known for a while. Virtually, all of the men in my family drink what most people would call heavily. Interestingly, I can relate with each of your red flags except one. I’m always willing to share, even if it is my last.

As a former drinker, my wife tolerates my drinking. She knows I drink too much. But I handle my business. I’m a former crack addict of 10 years, followed by 7 years of methampetamine addiction and 17 years smoking cigarettes. By God’s grace, I have quit all three. So my expectation is that I will beat this one too. I could not beat any of them consciously. There was always some external force that triggered it (the end). I’ve already been rock bottom twice. But never from alcohol.

I drink a lot on a daily basis. But I refuse to get drunk or or even tipsy. I don’t like being out of control. I work remotely which exacerbates the problem. Unless you were close enough to smell by breath, you wouldn’t know I was drinking. I’m sure this sounds like denial. But it isn’t. I’m acknowledging that I am a problem drinker.

When I have somewhere that I have to be on business or at church, I don’t drink. Nor do I think about it. Nor do I drink and drive.

I simply enjoy drinking. Unlike cocaine and methamphamines, my alcohol consumption is not a financial burden to my household. I stay in virtual control. If you call me, I will answer. I do not slur. If you need me to resolve your technical issue, I will get it done efficiently, often while sipping on something in the interim.

I currently add intentional obligations into my schedule to give me reasons not to drink. This includes coaching and officiating youth sports. Yes, I can be trusted with youth. I’m not a pedophile. I do not drink around youth or before such events.

With all that said, I’m more concerned with my health than anything else. I exercise regularly and take liver panels with my physicals annually. So far my liver function is normal.

However, I know those days are numbered. I called AA last week to find out where the meetings are. I have an address and the dates available. I’m also posting here to acknowledge my problem. I don’t know what my next move is. I’m in between periods of guilt and planning to cut back as I write this.

I’ve asked God repeatedly to take this thorn out of my side. I believe it will happen in due time. As The Lord has delivered me from the former three addictions I’ve confessed earlier, I believe that he will deliver me from alcohol as well. I also acknowledge that I have a responsibility to do my part.

That is my prayer and expectation. I will stay in control until a solution arises.

Alfred! Get your butt to a meeting, my friend! You know that this idea that you are handling things and staying in control is only temporary – it always escalates. It can turn on a dime and your life sounds too awesome to throw away! Let’s turn it around!!

80 days of zero alcohol and counting, after years of alcohol abuse and last few years of compulsive daily drinking with few gaps here and there.
45 days of no tobacco products too after many years of addiction.
Had a couple of quits for few months before but determined to make it through this time because life is of incomparably high quality in each and every respects without alcohol. Period. No words to explain that clearer.
Near end of a 3-week sober vacation. Whereas previous vacations would start, revolve around and end with alcohol, this time I managed to go to gym almost every day and got lighter. Face looks much brighter and tummy narrower.
Everyone on quit, keep it up. Those who are thinking of quitting, stop thinking and welcome to life.

I am in the throws of this right now. I had the repeated of doing good for awhile, telling my wife I would be different this time. I’d hide vodka all over the place and find myself at Safeway at 8:30am getting a new just in case. I didn’t use to be like this. I was a normal weekend wine drinker, occasional glass while cooking. Something changed in me and alcohol started being medicine. I would really like to get back to normal,but after just doing 30 days clean, I totally blew it again. I want to believe in HARM reduction, but maybe total sobriety is needed. I am setting up a meeting with a facility. I went to AA, and not my thing. I a, going to miss wine tasting with my wife.

Some people had questions about health issues. Well I am an alcoholic, mostly beer, and can relate high blood pressure, sweating profusely, overweightness, insomnia, and depression to alcoholism.
I always want to quit, but never do. I’ve only really just stopped drinking during the week and only skipped a few weekends in the past few years from heavy drinking. But lately I’m back to every night.
It’s not good. We need to take back control of ourselves.
You have the power in your mind.

I started drinking at a young age (15) and found its comfort among others in social situations. I am socially enept but feel I have the intellect to connect with others but have never felt comfortable without a drink. I have quit many times and have drastically reduced my intake over the years. I am a true work horse in every sense of the word and have always seemed to resist my habit for after work. The only bad thing is that after work is for my family….and I know this but I still seem to justify my bad habit. I am 40 now, own a small business and have the drive to do much more but it is still very difficult for me sometimes. My wife is not a drinker (probably a blessing for me) and she wants to understand but gets frustrated with me. My problems are not anything special I know but sometimes I feel that it is hard to find anyone to connect with me and truly understand. Tonight I went to the liquor store to purchase a pint of Jack Daniels ( something I have not done in months), I cracked open the dreaded bottle of vice to smell before I decided not to take the drink. I hate feeling guilty and susceptible to such a thing.

My first drink was jack Daniels . I think I was 14, and it was before my first school dance. I was so nervous and socially awkward and I had been to a few parties and seen other kids drinking and it seemed like they were having so much fun. Not long into the dance, I was in the bathroom puking my guts up. Weird thing is I don’t remember anyone making that big of a deal about it. That mentality of “kids go through this, they experiment etc.” May have been at play. So I kept drinking – not a lot, but mostly in situations like parties and dances. And I do remember often over drinking, to the point of getting sick. Took me about 30 more years to realize that I simply cannot drink liquor. No problem, that’s when my preference for beer kicked in. I can relax and better pace myself and not get sick, or rarely do. So what I relate to in your post, is that my social awkwardness/shyness is what partly got me started down this path. What developed later, was reliance on alcohol to self medicate after long work week or to enjoy social situations. We get some benefit from drinking or we wouldn’t do it. For me, it helps shut off mental distractions or shut out difficult emotions. Those are the benefits – and for that moment of benefit I’m willing to suffer through rebound anxiety, GI distress, feeling lousy, guilt, secrecy, damage to personal relationships by not being fully present, doing stupid things that put my life and others at risk, like driving a car. I am working on abstinence. The fear of health problems, and guilt around drinking too much or secretly is what is driving me to that direction. It’s day 5 and I have the weekend before me, after a very long and stressful week. It’s gonna be tough, and I hope I can make it through this weekend.

Thank you so much for this.
I have been very alone, at least in adult terms, and stress has taken its toll, being a single parent who is in abuse recovery and still deals with personal fears and my children’s fears that my ex/their father will just show up (despite legal protections/orders) has taken a toll on me but the guilt around drinking just compounds it.
I am not happy others suffer guilt but it helps comfort me that I am not alone.

I am a alcoholic who has tried and tried never with help the last 4 times I tried. I did make it 5 months about two years ago with alot of help from aa and friends. But now my wife who married me knowing I drink says its us or the booze I want to do meetings she says rehab. OK everyone who knows me will say I’m a peaceful drunk I come home drink about 9 buds play with the kids eat dinner go to bed work in the morning. She says no beer I quit for a day or two and then I’m sneaking it. Ido worry about having enough to get me thru and would wake up at 8 am and have a drink..I want my family, and to quit drinking but she says if I wanted to quit I would , how do I explain that’s not how it works or is that how it works I feel like I’m a devil for not doing to rehab like she says …help?

Read what you wrote: repeated failed attempts to stop, ultimatums from spouse, drinking in the morning, hiding booze, drinking in the afternoon, and you do see yourself as an alcoholic. Why are you resistant to rehab? It could be great for you, the missing link since what you have done so far is not working. Are you going to meetings? Do you have a sponsor? Are you ready and willing to do what it takes to turn this around and get your life back?

i am a former heroin addict who lost a dear friend to an OD, and turned to drinking for several years. now i’m fatter, more out of shape, and the most unhealthy i’ve ever felt. tomorrow is the day for me i’ve decided to quit for real… well technically today since it’s 2 am. i have some benzos on hand in case shit gets real but i think this will mostly be a mental battle. not great at those. wish me luck,

I was drinking 3 or 4 bottles of wine every week and numerous beers. If cooking, I always opened a bottle of wine. It just seemed to be the right thing to do. The problem was that I drank the entire bottle. If grilling outside, needed beer and more than a couple. I related this to a long time friend, who admitted he did the same thing. We admitted to each other that we drank too much. That was the first time either us had said that to anyone. That was 14 days ago and I haven’t had alcohol since then. I am not sure if just saying it to another person was the catalyst. I now recognize that drinking is similar to smoking. I stopped smoking 23 years ago. There are triggers that are born of years of habits. I saw that when I stopped smoking and am now recognizing the same thing with alcohol. Am I an alcoholic? Could be. I certainly am addicted to alcohol. By the way, I had my first drunk (not spelling error) at age 14 and am now 66. I have no advice to anyone, other than admitting out loud that you drink too much. That admission , at least for me was my first step. Some of these last 14 days have been uncomfortable but I have been able to resist. It is a lonesome journey but I believe it will be worth it. I do enjoy remembering what I did or said the night before, not being tired the next morning and generally feeling a lot better physically and mentally. To all those who have taken the step of recognizing they are drinking too often or too much, and are trying to give up the alcohol habit or addiction, just know others like me are doing the same thing. Peace and best wishes.

Thank you for your comments and story. It is very helpful and gives a good, simple way to start – admitting to someone you drink too much. So I drink too much and have been for quite some time. I also appreciate the positives you point out when not drinking-feeling a lot better physically and emotionally. I am on a merry go round of getting through the work week, “relaxing” and drinking on weekends. It’s not relaxing – it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with feelings of being overwhelmed, worried, not being able to organize myself. The alcohol helps to shut out distracting thoughts so I can move forward on what I need to do. Then I drink too much, feel lousy the next day, mostly more anxious than before, and also more recently GI problems. So I drink too much, am worried about my health and want to feel better. I want to get off the merry go round. Today is day 1

Glad to know that what I wrote might be helping. I am now at day 19. Saturday night we had friends over for cards and I told them I had given up on the beer and the wine. They questioned why. It was a little embarrassing to admit to them the amount and frequency I had been drinking. While embarrassing, I also felt some relief that I could be honest and not hide my habit. They are not habitual drinkers, so I think to them it was not a big deal and the rest of the evening went on as normal except I had no wine. As a final note, I wear a Fitbit and my average heart rate has decreased slowly over the last two weeks from the mid 60 BPM down to mid 50 BPM. My exercise has not radically changed, only my alcohol intake. Lots of walking. Good Luck and I hope you can stay off that not so merry go round. Peace and best wishes

Wow – takes courage to put the truth out there. Good for you.It is a relief, and have had this conversation Several times in the past with significant other . He becomes aware of my drinking and being secretive about it. Relief to have it in the open. But then the work of not drinking takes practice and support. So I have gotten back to more of this secrecy. Drank 3 or 4 beers and ran out to get more to replace it so he wouldn’t know. Had to throw the emptys in some trash can by the store. Then drank a “normal” two beers with him. Saturday is the most risky time for me so will need a plan this weekend. Very interesting about heart rate decrease. I wonder why that happens with alcohol reduction. Congrats on day 19 and being out in the open!

I started drinking at a young age (15) and found its comfort among others in social situations. I am socially enept but feel I have the intellect to connect with others but have never felt comfortable without a drink. I have quit many times and have drastically reduced my intake over the years. I am a true work horse in every sense of the word and have always seemed to resist my habit for after work. The only bad thing is that after work is for my family….and I know this but I still seem to justify my bad habit. I am 40 now, own a small business and have the drive to do much more but it is still very difficult for me sometimes. My wife is not a drinker (probably a blessing for me) and she wants to understand but gets frustrated with me. My problems are not anything special I know but sometimes I feel that it is hard to find anyone to connect with me and truly understand. Tonight I went to the liquor store to purchase a pint of Jack Daniels ( something I have not done in months), I cracked open the dreaded bottle of vice to smell before I decided not to take the drink. I hate feeling guilty and susceptible to such a thing.

Just wanted to keep thread moving… nothing much to say….
It looks like the blog is receiving fewer and fewer comments and even fewer new participants in the last few months… does it mean we have now covered pretty much every boozer out there that is googling about how to quit?
As for me, I have been a regular drinker since college (just a little short of 2 decades now), a high functioning professional now with incredible job (don’t mean to boast but well worthy to do so if it was socially appropriate), have been a moderate to occasionally heavy drinker ever since I started but turned really heavy-drinker in the last few years. Quit last year for 4 months (you will find my comments down here somewhere under same nickname, i think about mid-april 2015) then relapsed with a friend’s visit. Quit again for a few weeks here and there all of 2015. Finally again have taken no drinks since the second week of Dec .. so, its about 60/65 days now. Also quit tobacco for over a month now (was a tobacco addict for 20+ years, quit previously for a year 4 years ago and then for few weeks/months here and there and then finally over a month ago).
This time determined to make it as far as I can….at least a year is what I am thinking of for now as forever is scary (but awesome if I can make it).
I should confess that Its not like I don’t enjoy drinking,,, but like most of you, I forget when to stop it and then all the fun becomes entry point to intense remorse which is definitely not worth the temporary buzz. Inability to stop is the sole reason I am a quit. If I could stop at 2 or 3 drinks, I would not need to quit or would probably better off drinking. But reality is that for me, I am so much better off not drinking at all (have tried moderation – works for a few times or even few months but ultimately I end up finishing up as a daily compulsive drinker sooner tr later), much productive at work, much more active physically, much brighter on the face, thinner in the waist (well.. work in progress), feel the progress day by day… really….who discovered that drug called alcohol? If Heroine or Cocaine were discovered in ancient times of the kings and princes needing buzz, they would be socially acceptable even now. Alcohol is legal just because of the same reason.
Keep posed guys.. your small effort will be motivation for many and we need to keep this blog alive.. just check in even if you have nothing to say…like I had nothing to say and already several lines here…
BDW, I am on vacation and was in a resort with family spending a night yesterday.. was so much missing a drink.. it wasn’t a ‘cant stop drinking’ kind of temptation but ‘it would be nice to have that wine’ kind of feeling. It was not a lot of effort really at the end to resist – ended up running a couple of miles in the resort’s treadmill instead and it was a great feeling of pride in the morning….

Hi thanks for posting. There is tons of activity on this blog but as time goes on the comments appear more on the newer posts so be sure you subscribe and comment on others topics to stay connected. Happy to hear you got back on track after a wobble and glad to have you with us.

I’ve never been so ready to stop drinking in my life. I have to stop because I’m seriously scared for my health. But I know everything is going to change.
– The other problem is that I cannot go to AA because I do not believe in god, and some of the “we are different than AA” websites and adverts” look really lame to me.
Does anyone have any ideas? Advice? I like the part about having other people who are going through the same thing to talk to. Are there any online sites like that?

There are tons of online resources! See my resources link and also search online recovery meetings. And check out the “Recovery 2.0” online webcasts. Podcasts are great too (says the former Bubble Hour cohost!).

You don’t have to believe in God to join AA. You just have to believe that a source or higher power, something greater than you, can help you get sober. I would encourage you to try AA. It’s been a life-changing experience for me. Best of luck!

Today is my day five… the first few days were a breeze, i was happy and on top of the world, loving this new clean feeling. Today i am so cranky (maybe PMS related) and i just am annoyed. It’s not so much i want a drink, it’s more that i know i “can’t” or “am not allowed” to cause i supposedly “can’t handle it”. I do think in time i can, just feel my circumstances led me to get into a bad place, where i wasn’t normally. Happy to talk Sue.

Hi Sue – today is my Day 5 – so i am right there with you. I am alsow looking for online support. I currently still detoxing, and today i am in a cranky mood as a result with this. If you want to message privately, and chat more I would be happy to.

wow this is a wonderful blog. i’m in my high 20s and ive wanted to quit drinking for awhile. every member of my family and most of my friends drinks alcohol basically every night. its very easy to see nothing wrong with it when everyone around you does the same thing. i drink everynight after work. i dont drink hard liqour just wine 1-2 bottles at a time. literally no one in my life has ever thought anything was wrong with it especially since i have received two raises at my job in the past year. ive been with my boyfriend for a year now. hes 6 years older then me and has never had a sip of alcohol in his life. not because of his parents being alcoholics or anything hes just never seen the point. now that i guess he deeply cares about me the last 6 months he hates if i drink and always tells me. it bothers me because even his family will say to him to stop trying tp control me because they to like drinking with me. anyway i really do want to quit but i just make up excuses. last night i went to my bfs house and made sure i drank enough before i got there to where i would enjoy myself but not resent him for not letting me drink. i probably sound rediculous. its nice to see people have the same thoughts about drinking as me. i thank everyone who posted so that i could read your stories.

I have totally been there alicia, it is a terrible feeling. I use to make sure i drank enough prior to my bf coming home so that i had “enough” to enjoy my evening, and he would only see me drink 1 to 2 glasses of wine with dinner together. I want to get back to a healthy relationship with alcohol, but i am not sure how/if that is possible which is scary.

I don’t know which post to respond to. All are like looking in a mirror. I’m a ya ya, wine abuser for years. Stopped for this month, but the clarity I’m feeling has made me realize I have to quit. I was drinking over a bottle a day snd more on weekends. Family history both me and my spouse. He is my drinking buddy but I have several. Friends, neighbors…big happy drinking family. I’ve stopped before for several months. But when we have lots of people over, I become tense and have a couple which of course leads to more. I became really sick of waking in the night sweating, negative thoughts, shame , not to mention looking puffy and bloated. I would sometimes get drunk and go to bed before company even leaves. Because I can have a couple glasses at lunch and stop there, I thought I was just fine. There is my story…so glad to have found all of you. I don’t want to go the AA way. This seems like the next best….after this first month, I see lots of positives. I’m happier but still miss wine, my comfort crutch. I’d love all of your help in being strong and staying sober. Thanks.

Hello. I’m right there with you. When company was over, I would go in the next room and chug some brandy so I wouldn’t drink 3 glasses of wine in front of the within half an hour.. I think we all have those stories.
I also can’t go the AA way. For one, it never worked for my father (who I never knew passed the age of 14) and the whole “god” thing get’s in the way, plus I don’t believe in some (a lot) of their philosophies…

Man oh Man, Alcohol is such a Liar. I haven’t had a drink in about a week and now that I’m thinking clear here comes good old faithful telling me its ok “just buy wine”. Friday After work I went to the liquor store right after work to stock up on my goodies.” I mean everyone else was doing it” as I convinced myself. There was a huge line and while waiting I realized I was the only one with 2 bottles and a 6 pack. I still convinced myself they were needed. I mean who gets snowed in and stays sober. Long story short I threw it all in the dumpster of my parking lot before I got into my apartment. I was sober the whole weekend and I didn’t die I feel great actually. I been down this road plenty of time but this time I am actively admitting that I am powerless to alcohol and I am an alcoholic. I used to think I just drink too much or I just get carried away but that not true. I finally ready to face life with the wobbly crutch of alcohol.

Hey everyone, I was 6 months sober on Dec 28th and I’m still going strong. For those of you that seem to have made this your new years resolution, stay strong. Like many of you, I don’t remember exactly when I went from causal weekend drinker to everyday can’t wait until I get home from work drinker. I knew I was in a bad place when I would sneak a pint of vodka into work to get through a rough day. It was only rough because of a bad hangover due to the night before and I didn’t know of any other way to make it through the day. I could have gotten caught and my life would have changed drastically as I surely would have been fired, but sometimes I wish I would have gotten caught as it may have been the wake up call I needed. I never got caught. What got me to quit was being caught in the garage with a hidden stash by my wife. She felt betrayed because I had told her over and over I didn’t have a problem. Alcohol was ruining my life, and my family was noticing. I quit that day. It’s been surprisingly easy. The way I’ve kept it going is by reminding myself of all the stupid things I would do. Rotating liquor stores, hiding alcohol, drinking before an event so I wouldn’t have to drink as much at the event and appear to have a problem, etc. Many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Those behaviors make me feel ashamed, even today. After 6 months I have no cravings. In fact, the thought of drinking reminds me of how terrible it made me eventually feel, not how good I felt at first. I’m not sure if I will drink again, but I know I have no set end goal for not drinking. I think that’s important. Setting mini goals and stopping for short periods knowing that you’ll eventually have a drink is not a step towards quitting. You’ll come back to it even harder than before and you’ll justify it by thinking you accomplished something by stopping for a month and you’ll tell yourself you can quit whenever you want, but there you are again with a bottle in your hand.

I can honestly say every part of my life is better without alcohol. One of my favorites is how well I sleep now. I used to require alcohol to sleep, but that wasn’t really sleep, just border life passing out. Now I sleep great and wake up actually looking forward to accomplishing something that day, instead of dreading the day and looking forward to my next drink. Quitting saved my life, my marriage, and my family. You can do it too.

Thanks so much for your story! I can relate on every detail including being stingy with wine and compensating with other alcohol because I didn’t get my full fix. I have been sober all of 2016 – 11 days so far. It hasn’t been easy and I wish I could say that it was getting easier but I am committed. We are too used to easy. Alcohol shuts off the world, and then shuts it off again the next day. Every morning you wake up and count down to that shut off time instead of living. Today I choose to live. Thanks for the inspiration.

I’m a heavy drinker; maybe an alcoholic. I have been drinking almost every night since 2011, and before that I was certainly a weekend binge drinker going back to HS and college. I drink beer, wine and some hard liquor. I have been feeling quilty and ashamed about drinking as I have been pre gaming family events and social gatherings. My kids are also noticing that I drink- a lot. For the past year, I have even been nipping at the vodka bottle throughout most evenings while I have a drink in hand. Basically, my drinking has been getting exponentially worse. I liked the feeling of being drunk and always had a bottle of vodka in the freezer. I decided that I wanted to see if I could stop. I thought maybe I could just drink on weekends and special occasions. So, I went cold turkey. I made it to day 6 and I came home today (Friday) and drank a few beers. I immediately felt the urge to do shots and get after the high. It scared me! That urge to drink and get hammered settled it. Fortunately, I stopped drinking the beers tonight and drank some tea instead. I know now for sure,I have been reintroduced to myself and I prefer the sober me, the sober experience.

I’m on day 8 right now and I’m doing far better than my last month hiatus. I survived then but it was all consuming. This time I am forcing myself to embrace the break and not make it a negative experience. I totally understand your feelings though. I am a personal trainer (shocking I know) and I taught a boot camp strength class on Thursday night and when I came home I came so close to grabbing a bottle of wine after my class. This is what I’ve always done to release the stress from having to be “on” for an hour. But saying that I don’t just want “a” glass I still want the whole bottle and the feeling I get from that whole bottle. HUGS to you.

Thank you for sharing this. It’s frightening to see the power of addiction on display, isn’t it? Simply put, the pleasure/reward circuitry of the brain is altered and dysfunctional. That’s why we do best without any alcohol at all, because it just doesn’t process correctly any more. Thank you for this insight. Keep going and keep sharing!

I have learned who my true friends are. The friends I used to drink with will not even call or email me anymore. I realized how selfish they are and I was probably like that too when I was drinking. I would rather spend time with my family.

One of the main reasons I quit drinking was to eliminate another variable that might be causing my fatigue. Now that I have quit I know that it wasn’t one of the reasons but I still don’t want to drink anymore.

It was more than beyond time to quit. It was going to catch up to me sooner or later.

Although I am not healthy I do know I am close. By quitting I can truly feel the effects my thyroid was putting my body through. It may have to be removed. I am taking charge of my health. I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease which causes hypothyroidism. Even though I am hypo I still lost 30 pounds last year mainly because I quit drinking beer. I drank a lot of beer every day.

Thank you. It is well beyond time for me to quit. I have let alcohol rule too much of my life for too long. And I am concerned it is ruining my health, and I do not want it to ruin my relationship as well. It is actually far beyond time. I cannot do this on my own, so I am going to start attending AA tomorrow. I appreciate you sharing on this blog.

I am literally sobbing reading all the posts, the blog, and the red flags just topped the experience. I go back and forth trying to remember when I went from a very casual/social drinker to a daily polishing off the bottle and then some drinker. I’m so angry at myself for letting something take control of me like this. I am also a distance runner and I am training for a marathon this coming June. Last Fall I gave up alcohol for 40 days (It was supposed to be 36 days but I was doing so well I lengthened it). It didn’t take too long to get into my same habits again. So I am now doing dry January and having that goal to look forward to. Truth is I know what I should do. I should stop drinking altogether. I think by posing these mini “goals” is my way of eventually cutting ties with it. I just wish it wasn’t so hard. I feel like my life revolves around alcohol and so do the majority of my relationships. I’m very happy I found this blog.

Wow, so glad I found this blog. I’m on day 4 this time. 2 years ago I made it 26 days which is the longest I’ve gone without a drink since high school (I’m 54 soon). I really started abusing alcohol 15 years ago. For the past 2 years I’ll take a couple of weeks off, feel good and tell myself it will be okay to have a drink or 2. Well that turned into half a bottle of scotch every night. Then I’d quit again (more realistically, I’d pause).

Your red flags described me to a tee. A big reason I drank so much was to fall asleep. Sleeping has always been hard for me, but even after being treated for sleep apnea, I was still scared to try and sleep without alcohol.

I’m working on a couple of things. I made a list of what triggers me to want to drink and I made a list of the bad effects drinking has on me. I’ve had to major disasters in my life because of drinking, but I’m sure I’ve missed out on a lot of goodness.

I’ll bet you do what I do: You hear someone who is quitting, and they are half our ages and it makes you feel worse right? i’ve been drinking longer than some people here have been alive and it really makes me feel bad that I couldn’t stop when I was their age. (I’m 47 btw)
And only now, am I about to take a real step to stop drinking. (I’ve been online for about 5 hours now) But I figure I did the hardest part: Admitting I have a problem, which is something I swore I would never do, because I never wanted to be like my deatbeat dad.
But, enough is enough. I have to quit, and I’ll be happy to support anyone here if they can support right back.
Keep it up.

I can totally relate to your blog. Your story is so similar to mine in regards to the “red flags”. Amazing how each of them made me think “hey that sounds like me”. I don’t really know when the everyday drinking began, as I started drinking heavy in my 20’s. Stopped for a year (for spiritual reasons), got influenced by a friend to drink w/ her and after the first drink I started drinking every day again. Then went through a period of having anxiety, the doctor told me alcohol, caffeine, and the daily hot chocolate I was drinking were probably causing it. It freaked me out, as the panic attacks were awful and scary. So I stopped drinking all of the above for almost 2 years. Then, as most, I thought since I hadn’t drank in so long, I would be okay with having a glass of wine. Of course, the day I bought the bottle of wine (expecting to have one glass) I ended up polishing off the bottle, and headed to the store for another.

I couldn’t believe, how again after not drinking for so long my brain/body still needed more than one glass to get the buzz I guess I was looking for (very sad). I would say on that day I was probably around 30 years old or so, and I am now 41 years old. So it’s crazy to say, I guess I have been drinking almost daily for 10+ years. Yikes! I have negotiated drinking, planned to moderate my drinking, changed the type of wine I drank at night to a wine I don’t like as much (hoping to reduce my intake or desire for it), only purchased one bottle in hopes to not have one after work the next day (only to end up at the grocery store each day anyway), joined fitness studios committing to workout in the evening to reduce or stop my drinking (only to attend a few classes and not go back because it interfered with my evening of drinking), telling my BF “don’t let me drink today, I’m doing a cleanse” and then bitting his head off and calling him controlling for doing what I asked him to, and the list goes on.

I too, get upset when company comes over and has the nerve to ask for a glass of wine. How, dare they reduce my over consumption to minus one glass! The nerve of them. And if it looks as if they’re visiting long enough to be offered a second glass, I’m hiding my bottles of wine so they think there’s not much left. I mean, I stocked up didn’t I? Why should I have to go to the store again? lol! Crazy when you hear yourself talk this way over liquor. Today I have made a decision to stop drinking, hence why I am scrolling the internet and this site. Alcohol sucks! It’s a lier, a destroyer, a thief, and aging and memory loss tonic, a relationship destroyer, a dream taker, a brawler, and an enemy that pretends to like you. I could go on, and on forever with the evils of alcohol. I know better, and I’m over waking up every morning spending the an hour feeling bad about myself and how I hate how dry my mouth feels from dehydration and breath taste. Reeking of the wine from the night before. Yuk!! I hate it!!

I drink about 1-2 bottles of wine a night. I would say the average is 1 1/2 bottles. My question is should I be scared to stop? Did you experience symptoms stopping w/out a program after drinking that much per night? I have a close friend who recently stopped and she is 2 years and some months sober. She drank the same (1 -1 1/2 bottles/ night) and is doing great! She loves her life now, and keeps encouraging me to get on board. She says she cries every morning to God about how happy she is now without alcohol in her life. One of my fears was being bored, as I enjoy talking to people when I go to restaurants, having a nice dinner at the bar area and socializing. I also like to travel and have a hard time imagining fun, dancing, etc. without being able to drink, I know it’s a lie, as some of the funnest people I know don’t drink. They seem to have a better time than those of us in the group who do drink. So as I mentioned before alcohol is a liar. Cunning and deceitful, so much to make you think you can’t live w/ out it. When in fact the only thing one should not want to live without are the organs the alcohol is trying to destroy.

Ditto, and I love these posts.
Also I’m worried about the boredom from not drinking -alcohol is such a liar!-
I started around age 14 with friends on Fridays, to weekly bottles of vodka during college, to 1-2 bottles of wine almost everyday after college.
Today is my day to quit, I’ve ruined toooooo many relationships because of this poison. Now I’m single, alone, and feeling all around shameful. I just ruined a relationship a week ago (she’s in NA, seen my bad signs (binge drinking!!) and realized there’s no way I’m going to be a positive force in her life.

I’ve tried so many different strategies to slow down or stop and none have worked. Switch from wine or vodka (my fav) to beers only – didn’t work – switched from beers to those super sweet breezer or cider because since I’m not a sugar fan I won’t drink as much. That worked for about a month, but if I went anywhere I would just order as much vodka as my body could handle. Moved to a different city, figured I’m not around a bunch of friends so I won’t go out as much. Turns out there’s 3 bars on every block.

Definitely every problem I’ve had in my life the cause was my drinking. Nothing else.
I’ve gone 3-4 weeks here and there, tried moderation but that’s not gonna work for me. Now is my time to quit. One day at a time, recognize the triggers when I’m craving and replace the craving with something else. I’d love to go to rehab but can’t for work reasons, I’m under a contract, and I’m not an aa guy. Now is my time to quit. I’ve had enough.

I wish everyone all the best in your efforts. Reading your posts you all seem like very strong people that are fighting it one way or another.

I love reading everyone’s stories of recovery. Good and bad! As for me, I’m 8 days sober after 10 yrs of drinking nightly. Mostly beer but anything was welcome. I’m 31 and have had enough. I’ve ruined countless relationship with women and have spent ridiculous amounts of money on alcohol. One day everything hit me all at once. I can either keep living the way I have been or make a change. Staying busy and haven’t had any serious cravings or withdrawal symptoms. Only 8 days in but WOW what a wonderful difference. “It’s not the I have a drinking problem. It’s just that every time I have a problem, it’s because of my drinking” I repeat that all the time. Problems in life happen. It’s how you react to them that matters.

Christmas will be day 50 for me. This is the longest I’ve gone without a drink since I was in high school and I am now 38. I too have experienced all of the same red flags mentioned above. I’ve always been a heavy weekend drinker but started drinking 5-6 days a week about 6 yrs ago when I moved into a new home. My new neighbor was a daily drinker and we hit it off right away so it wasn’t long before it became normal to come home from work and have 6 to 10 with him every evening. The neighbors moved out a year ago but the routine continued by myself. My wife doesn’t drink so I would just sit in the garage and drink alone until bedtime. I could go on forever listing red flags but I guess the 2 majors for me are having to plan my entire life around drinking and health concerns. Any errands would have to be done as early as possible so that I could hurry up and start drinking. Telling my children no when they ask for rides to friends houses because I am too buzzed to drive. Never inviting my family over because that means I couldn’t drink until they leave,etc. Over the last year I’ve lost weight and just feel run down all the time which is not me at all, I have always been an muscular and energetic. Multiple people have questioned my weight loss and a neighbor even asked if I was sick. This totally scared the crap out of me so I decided to stop. I originally thought it would be a 2 week break and then I would moderate but I quickly realized that I have to be done forever. Surprisingly it got much easier after the 2 weeks and now I honestly can say with some confidence that I am seriously quitting drinking. I began seeing a GP and had blood drawn earlier this week to make sure that my health is in order or to start fixing anything that may be wrong. Going to the dr was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do, I’ve been terrified of what I might find but I have to be around for my wife and kids so it was time to suck it up. I will follow up with the results since that is something missing from most blogs. Many people say they are going to dr but then never reply again. Thanks for providing this opportunity to say all this and to read the many stories from other in the same boat.

After getting out of detox I had to wait 6 months for a follow-up physical. Having my blood drawn was scaring the crap out of me. One of more devious things I did was alter my liver levels one time on my results. I had a friend in the biz who told me what acceptable enzyme levels were and “photo copied” the results with new numbers to show my wife. Talk about being a lying drunk! When the office called to give the results the nurse said everything was positive.

I really dodged a bullet after the abuse I gave my body. Like so many I had a craving for sugar, all the deserts I passed up are fair game now. But if a side effect of abstaining is weight gain, well, I can live with that.

Just hit the 18 month mark since I had my last drink. After 5 days of detox and 30 outpatient sessions I grew weary of the AA rhetoric. I never got a sponsor or joined a home group, it just seemed like a cult to me. So many people blaming others for their addiction, just got tired of hearing it. No doubt I’ll be called a dry drunk. Good luck to all of you trying to kick the habit. And if AA works for you, do it.

I’m in the same boat as everyone else on this site. I’m not ready to say it out loud to my partner yet and frankly, I think he too has times when he drinks too much. I’m giving it a shot. I am trying to channel the last time I kicked something bad for me…cigarettes. I chose running over smoking. I am not supposed to run anymore and though I have always been a fairly fit person, I have developed Hashimoto’s and gained the about 20 pounds associated with hypothyroidism. I might never lose it and I’ve never been this large but I am going to try to leverage out of the drinking habit and back into the gym at night versus day time.

3 days. Its been tough. I changed some routines and that’s helpful. This morning I woke up and could see a noticeable difference around my eyes. As a 45 year old woman, I have some bags under my eyes that after drinking bottle of wine a night would turn into luggage. This morning I noticed the swelling has gone down a lot! I look better, in only 3 days! It sounds superficial but its helping me. I also started using teeth whitening strips. Its these little improvements that are keeping me straight.

hi, ive read that milk thistle supplement can speed up a recovering liver by 3 x …
do you have any info on this ?
personally i believe that if you try and cheat mother nature like say with steroids,
you gain at one end and lose something at the other ..

I decided to quit on Sunday its my second time, the first was 4 years ago when after 6 months I managed to convince myself I could drink in moderation… big mistake. This time I know that It has to be for good. After 30 years of drinking I just dont want it in my life any more. Used to beleive it was my best friend but now know its my worst enemy. I know its going to be tough and if Im honest Im scared that life will seem pointless without the booze, but thankfully because of my previous experience with quiting I now know that is rubbish I just cant ever let my guard down and think its ok to start again.

I didn’t start drinking until about 15 years ago (I am now in my 70’s). I became really good at it, had a few hangovers, but not that many, was drinking a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more with company, until recently I had an experience which shocked me into giving up completely. Next morning found red wine stains all over my clothes and didn’t remember how they got there, a blackout experience, I believe. It is now 7 weeks without drinking and I have to say I have hit a rough patch. Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences and I do not feel so alone anymore. I certainly do not feel tempted to drink again, but I do miss my friend the bottle of red wine!!!!! However, I am sleeping better, I feel heaps better, think I look better too, but it is not an easy path. All the best to you all. Thank you so much for your posts.

hi, im on day 7 . i still feel pretty horrible , i know i cant just be a heavy drinker for 5 years and expect it to happen so quickly . i would really like someone who was a 5 o clock heavy drinker for a good 5 years to tell me how long after they stopped did they feel somewhat normal again . thx

Hi New Start, be patient with yourself because it can take a few weeks. Considering how long we spent mistreating our bodies, the healing is miraculously short in comparison. Here is some pretty basic info on withdrawal from webMD http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/alcohol-withdrawal-symptoms-treatments – there is lots of good out there if you search a bit. Lots of self care and most importantly, don’t give up! If you read comments on this blog from people who have relapsed, quitting again can be harder so better to stay the course.

I QUIT!!! I cannot keep doing this to myself . I’ve quit before but due to some trouble in my marriage I started up again . At first It seemed like I had it under control a beer here or there that of course it escalated and all of I sudden I didn’t , and it was 2 six packs and shots. All of my old habits are back the binge drinking the hiding of Alcohol the lying . I hide my drinking pretty well which is a problem . I drink home alone so no one knows. I am finally accepting that fact the I have no control over alcohol. I don’t like the person I become when I start drinking. I used the long holiday weekend to drink obsessively . I stopped drinking yesterday and today I have the shakes . I threw everything out this morning and I don’t plan on stepping a foot in a liquor store again. I know now what needs to me done. I need to make some major changes in my life . I want my Life back and it starts now. My game plan is to attend AA tonight .

Hi JDB, getting sober is hard work under the best of conditions. It becomes extremely difficult for anyone living with someone who undermines their efforts or just doesn’t respect their sobriety.

My first suggestion would be to be sure to get some support, because if a spouse won’t (or can’t) be supportive, then it needs to come from somewhere else. This support can be found in recovery meetings – in this case I’d suggest that in-person would be better than online meetings.

Second, have a really honest conversation and ask for what is needed (boundaries regarding alcohol usage at home and elsewhere).

Also, if the spouse is bringing booze home because he/she also has addiction issues, then AlAnon can be very helpful – the person in recovery should be going to both recovery meetings and al-anon to build the network of support and understanding.

I have the same problem. I stopped buying alcohol & don’t think I’d be drinking daily if I wasn’t staying w/ an alcoholic who keeps booze on hand at all times that I have access to. I can’t seem to stop or control it having accessibility at arms reach. They have no desire to quit so this poses a huge problem for me. My anxiety & drinking prevents me from trying out AA so I’m trying to find online help 1st. I’m desperate.

Thank you for your blog. I am only three days sober. Your red flags list was mine to a T. I had been sneaking alcohol in the privacy of my bedroom for a few years and thought I was so clever. Wednesday night I drank (chugged, actually) two BOTTLES of wine and then though I’d be able to come downstairs and watch television with my husband and no one would be the wiser. I ended up not remembering most of the evening and waking up on the couch the next morning. We’d been here before, but this time I didn’t try to come up with some excuse or blatant lie. I just confessed everything. How I’d been sneaking booze into the house and drinking it quickly, right after work, so I could sail through the evening with a nice buzz. I told my husband everything and the next thing I did was send an email to seven of my dearest friends telling them much the same things. I am new to this, but I swear that confession probably saved my life. I’ve never done such a thing in the past. Now I have to own my problem. My friends and husband have been incredibly supportive. I’ve had no desire at all to drink but I’m not so naive to think there won’t be tough days ahead. I’m looking at different recovery and support groups and figuring out the best path ahead for me. I need an online community like this one, so thank you.

The first few days are so precious, fragile, scary yet wonderful. Be very gentle with yourself and take this as seriously as necessary to protect yourself. You’re doing something heroic here – a pivotal time in your life. Good for you for reaching out and talking honestly with the important people in your life. Make them hold you accountable. Encourage them to read and learn about recovery. Listen to podcasts, engage with other people in recovery. Knowledge is power, and connections with others who understand will give you strength. Great job on making those hard changes!

Thanks so much for writing this blog. Today I’m 7 months sober and have been looking for something to supplement my meetings. Those red flags we pretty much mine to a T! I’m grateful to be at a place where I can laugh at how I’d get pissed when my wife offered “my booze” to a guess. I’m looking forward to reading more. Thanks again!

I enjoy your article because you admit to failing quitting drinking however you did not give up. And rather than people feeling anxiety about feeling like a failure because they drank again, you show that it’s a process and if we keep trying and support ourselves through services or online support, etc… and we TRULY want alcohol out of our lives -we learn its a journey, a process that does not happen over night. It’s growth and with support each day gets better. So thank you.
The thought of quitting drinking gives me anxiety and makes me want to drink. Sounds ridiculous but I know people understand.
However the thought of quitting drinking to be a process, makes the anxiety go away. The burden is lifted and a positive thought of willingness to change seems realistic and possible. There is hope. Healthy lifestyle is important to me.
It’s hard to find support though. The TTM sounds great, but who offers that support? I’ve been in the AA model. I really don’t care for it much. I found myself resenting being there as much as they told us we had to be in order to stay sober. I didn’t care for that to be my new ‘lifestyle’ and that’s what they seemed to pressure you into if you wanted sobriety. I know it helps a lot of people and they have a lot of good stuff. Just wasn’t my cup of tea.

im a forty year old single parent of three children. My mother died an alcoholic aged 53 and my dad died of alcohol induced demetia at 78. (there was a 25 year age gap between them). People often said did it not put you off drinking both parents dying from alcohol and I would always say no.But at this point in my life i am scared as I have felt in the past three years alcohol has been controlling me. I stopped drinking seven days ago after going out on a Saturday evening experiencing a six hour blackout and apparently keyed my ex partners car. He contacted me to say he was thining of rining the police and at that moment I had a massive wakeup call that my life was gettting more and more out of control. Physically I have felt so unwell as I went from drinking wine at the weekends to daily and almost consuming two bottles per evening. Once I start i cannot stop until i run out of alc0hol and my tolerance has developed so I could just see a slippery slope. Looking back through my drinking history i can begin to stand back and think you have had a problem with it for years. Arrested for drunk and disorderly three times not charged thankfully but a humiliating experience, hurrendous blackouts. I stopped being a social drinker and became a secret lonely drinker, hiding wine bottles not knowing where they were the next day. I have been reading these blogs for encouragement and support and to feel like I am not alone.

I just found this blog this morning. I am in very much the same situation. I am married to a wonderful man and have an adorable 2-year old boy. I was able to quit drinking for 11 months beginning before I was pregnant with him and ending after he was born. I used to be so bad that I would have a water bottle of vodka at my desk at my last job. After my son was born, a family gathering on the Fourth of July came along and I convinced myself I could have a couple of drinks. I only had two, but that was the slippery slope. Now I’m back to drinking at work, hiding bottles of wine (and often not remembering where I hid them). I don’t know if my husband knows or not. We both just quit smoking and we are on week six, so I know if I can quit that, I can do the same with alcohol. On Saturday (Halloween), we fought the entire day about the stupidest things (because I was drunk). It was so bad that my husband, who is normally very passive, was screaming at me and he later asked me why I thought we were fighting so much recently. I knew the answer and I think he suspected it, too. This has to end. To top it all off, after a couple of heavy drinking sessions recently, one of which being Saturday, I will be horribly nauseous the next day and I’m starting to have pains around the area of my liver. I’m really scared. I know I cannot be a social, moderate drinker- the past has proven that. I just don’t know how to quit and I know mine stems from horrible anxiety which is, again, a vicious cycle with alcohol involved. I’m determined to stick with it this time, mainly for my health and family. Thanks so much for this blog.

You have been carrying a heavy load and I am glad you are here to find some support. What you describe is alcoholic behaviour – drinking at work, hiding alcohol – these are significant indicators that alcohol is driving your decision making. You know this, even though it is hard to accept. You are so right about the relationship between alcohol and anxiety – at first it seems to work as a self-medication tool but in the long run it makes everything worse. I encourage you to have a few honest conversations – consider telling your husband about your hidden behaviours and ask him to support your plans to stop. There are many options available to you – rehab, out-patient programs, recovery meetings, online programs. You could also talk to your doctor and discuss medication that might help you stop drinking and also to deal with your anxiety (and perhaps depression?) – please know it is absolutely crucial that you tell your dr the truth about how much you drink if you are planning to take any other medication. Sometimes when people get a few days or weeks sober, they feel so good that they think they can go back to drinking and moderate. It rarely works out, and quitting the next time gets harder and harder. So please lock on to the knowledge that living completely alcohol free is the best option for those of us who experience addiction, and lock onto it. You can do this, and you are a hero for being willing to make this change.

I am 36 years old, recently married. We have been together for 10 years, met while working on cruise ships. My 20”s were a blur, drinking and partying! This seemed normal but my boyfriend, now husband started to show his concern when I was 28ish.

I started leading a healthier life, got over the drinking every other night, took awhile but I also got over the urge to drink every Friday night.

Things got better, it was only once a month I would have too much, he would not speak to me and after 3 days of hating myself I had to prove to him I would change.

After 10 years, this now happens only 2 – 3 times per year. Better but still not good enough for him and he just threaten to leave.

We have been to counselling, I have tried groups, I have been sober for 5 months and since then can go for several months and just keep it to 2-3 drinks, once or twice a month. I rarely go out which helps, I follow this rule 7 out of 10 times a year. Most often when he is not with me.

I start with good intentions and then I say, just one more… And in and on.

I don’t want us to separate, I feel like this is the same problem my mom faced with my dad’s drinking. I am recreating exactly what I wanted to avoid in my marriage, and it is all my fault.

3 days ago I took my work team out for a holiday activity, followed by drinks and appies. Thought I would be home by 7 but it was 10. Had great reasons in my head for staying longer but hate myself now. My husband told me if this happens again he will move out. I have now commited to stop drinking for 6 months..

Things on my mind:

What do I say to people at Work, family over holidays…
I know I can do it but will this make the difference forever?
Who am I doing this for?
I want to be healthier
I don’t want to be like my parents.
I want my husband to love me.
I want to have kids one day soon.
How am I fun when I don’t drink?

I have concern for not drinking for some time, my problem is when I have 2 or more , 3 /10 times I won’t stop.

Alcoholism breaks people up an drives family apart. Just like any addiction, it comes first to even family, loved ones and important things like work and school. I had a colleague who will sneak out at midday to get alcohol in their system and will return to work all giggly thinking it’s funny to be drunk in the afternoon. It also one of the reasons why couples fight and break up. I have a friend whose husband will come home in a drunk stupor. The husband is so drunk and stinking of alcohol that she would literally kick him off the bed and he will wake up in the morning wondering why he is sleeping on the floor. Other alcoholics get violent and become axe-wielding gladiators pissed at the world at large. There is nothing cool about alcohol or alcoholics. It is a disease so get it cured ASAP. NO MORE EXCUSES.

Hi Sam, thanks for stopping by. I know it can be confusing for people who have not experienced addiction to understand why the heck people don’t just fix the problem. The solution is so obvious, right?

What is hard to understand is that addiction changes how our brains work, so that our thinking becomes scrambled. Most addicts and alcoholics aren’t having fun at all, they have to use or drink just to feel normal, just to function.The re-wired brain no longer sees the obvious truth quite so clearly, and this makes it very hard for people to see that the drugs or alcohol are the problem, because their brain is sending them mixed up messages. This is why we make such a big deal about each and every person who finds their way out of addiction, because it is a battle against a mind that is convinced a hit is absolutely necessary,

The brain sort of starts to see drugs/alcohol as necessary in the same way that a healthy brain regards water, food, or oxygen. You know that panic-y feeling that happens when you are in a small stuffy space and feel like you can’t breath? Or when you’re stuck in traffic and have to pee? That is a teeny bit like the panic and discomfort that starts to overtake the mind and body for one addicted to something when they try to go without it – it is a terrible feeling.

So yes, I agree with you that alcoholism isn’t cool – it has awful consequences for many many people. It kills people and destroys lives, you are absolutely right. But please know that people with addiction are hurting and struggling, and that the simple solution is still a long and difficult road…although one very much worth the effort.

Hello….I found this blog about 8 months ago and love it…..I then went 48 days sober ….had a big weekend coming up and said well I’ll only have a couple…I can drink in moderation ….well it didn’t take long before I was back to everyday …..well it’s been six months now with that same old lifestyle and couldn’t control it….I have been 7 days sober this time around…..should have never picked the bottle up again……I think it’s harder this time around for me but I’m gonna do this and it is encouraging that I am not alone in this fight…. The struggle is real and so is my determination to stay sober….

Thank you for posting this, Bobbi. May your experience spare others from going the same route! I hear from so many with similar experiences – it just isn’t worth it, is it? Thank you for reminding us to keep it simple and stick to living alcohol free. In the long run it offers the most peace.

Thank you for sharing. I have stubbled across this blog after typing in “stuggling quitting alcohol “. I am at day 3 dry. It is 6.17pm and I am fighting within my head. I am depressed, have no desire to do anything else but drown my own misery. I am not sure what rock bottom is, I just know I dont want to experience it.

Last Wednesday night I had one of my sessions. This happens maybe twice a week where I drink 3 bottles of wine in about 7