Backwards Australia Fair

Today’s Australia Day, when everyone sings Advance Australia Fair incessantly. (The version on the tennis during the Hall of Fame induction was particularly painful.) It’s commonly known that there is an obscure second verse. But did you know that the original song had five verses, many of them even more excruciating than the anthem we suffer through today? For instance, “Her sons in fair Australia’s land / Still keep a British soul?”

According to Wikipedia, the original version of the song had 5 verses. Most of them are cringemakingly pro-Britain. Check out the original second verse:When gallant Cook from Albion sail’d,
To trace wide oceans o’er,
True British courage bore him on,
Till he landed on our shore.
Then here he raised Old England’s flag,
The standard of the brave;
With all her faults we love her still,
“Britannia rules the wave!”
In joyful strains then let us sing
“Advance Australia fair!”
Then follows the third verse, which became the second verse when it was adopted as the national anthem, and was rewritten to be a bit less sexist. But now for the really cringemakingly pompous and pro-British fourth and fifth verses:While other nations of the globe
Behold us from afar,
We’ll rise to high renown and shine
Like our glorious southern star;
From England, Scotia, Erin’s Isle,
Who come our lot to share,
Let all combine with heart and hand
To advance Australia fair!
In joyful strains then let us sing
“Advance Australia fair!”
Shou’d foreign foe e’er sight our coast,
Or dare a foot to land,
We’ll rouse to arms like sires of yore
To guard our native strand;
Britannia then shall surely know,
Beyond wide ocean’s roll,
Her sons in fair Australia’s land
Still keep a British soul.
In joyful strains then let us sing
“Advance Australia fair!”
But even lamer than “sires of yore” is the extra Christian verse they still sing when the anthem’s performed in a church:With Christ our head and cornerstone,
We’ll build our nation’s might
Whose way and truth and light alone,
Can guide our path aright
Our lives, a sacrifice of love
Reflect our Master’s care,
With faces turned to heaven above,
Advance Australia Fair.

They should have chosen Waltzing Matilda. But even Tie Me Kangaroo Down would’ve been better.