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Bad Blood Turns Cold

One good thing about having brother talk is you can blabler out anything you want, because they listen, won't judge you, and provides necessary advice. Not that I discriminate girls but sometimes it's good to listen from guys' point of view.

So I met one of them the other day. He immediate reaction was like this:

"Did you put on light make ups? You look different today!"

WOW! Quite happy to hear such words. I take it as compliment from a guy! XD If you know me well, I don't put make ups, not even a light one, unless it's for heavy functions.

Actually he is not the only one to give such comment. I think this bro is the third person who commented that I look way better than before, ever since I left that place (Do I really look THAT intense back then?!?). And now here I am, bright and shine, happily live at a better place, or just preparing for the worse nightmare lol.

Or maybe, I've finally get over it?

*****

Just few days ago I was flipping through my old dayre posts. There were these few posts that caught my eyes, dated 3 months ago. (Here is 1, 2 & 3, just to name a few). I can't help but to laugh how silly I was back then, to moan about those small matters. I've been mentioning about that incident over and over again, to my friends, close one, not close one, strangers, church and even my parents (I even cry in front of them to that extend!). I think they probably feel SIEN listening to my story of unfairness over and over again. Not even God's "forgive one another" theory could save me.

Because of these past hurt, I decided to shut myself up, especially when I'm in the new place facing different kinds of new faces. I was afraid that the same incident will happen again. I form walls between, because I think there's no necessary to be good to someone new. At the end of the day, I'll still be used by them. I learn my lesson. So why should I trouble myself crossing over other people's borderline?

And I even told myself, that no matter what, I'll NEVER gonna go back to that place, and see them again! I hope I'M NOT! They are a bunch of nasty people who don't deserve good treatment from me! Of all these I've done, these are all I've got?!?!?! You better not trying to appear in front of my eyes! Meeting you guys are the worse nightmare I've ever had in my entire life!

Everything change after 3 months..

Just around end of September to early October, I've spoken to few of people, including the current colleagues. Indirectly, I shared my past experiences to them, little by little. Probably they have nothing to do with it, and they don't give a shite about what am I doing, so I find it sharing to them comfortably.

I told them, that I don't want to see those people again! There's no point why should I be treating them well, of all the things they have done! I can't believe how silly I was to trust them!

After hearing much of my frustration, they calmly replied:

"Well, I don't know the horrible things they done on you, but this is a valuable experience you gonna go through, especially you're trying to climb higher. Whether you like it or not, it happens everywhere! Instead of moaning about it, why not take it as a challenge from God, that prepares you to go to a higher level."

That words, pretty much shut my mouth right away.

Actually they are not the first person who told me this. One of my ex-SG colleague did mention fairly similiar stuff to me but I didn't take it wholeheartedly, simply because the formation of "they are the most horrible person on the earth" had set inside me. What they did really hurts me badly, that I find myself no reason to forgive them.

The truth is, I'm making myself suffering from anger! I blamed them for doing this on me, without realizing that I making myself horrible. On the other hand, they seems fine and happy with their lives. Looks like I'm the loser, they are the winner. So what's the point leh? To make yourself suffering, and continue to be their laughing stone?

*****

Words from the colleague of mine hits me alot. Admittedly I tried very hard to forget this experience. But I never realize, that it could be act as a challenge God had implanted on me to move further! When you are at higher place, you'll definitely face more challenges. Instead of moaning about the past, why don't treat it as a challenge from God?

Because of their words, and did some few prayers to God, I decided to pay a visit back to them, just last week. Not sure if they were happy to see me or not, but we manage to have some few chats. After for so many months, their patterns were just the same: what they did & commented, seriously not what I'd like to hear lah but I find myself feeling so calm facing them. You know some people just love to trigger your point of anger & jealousy? That's their strength!

Sure their lives are way better than me: got family (some got house, car and stable financial), enjoying happy moments with their love ones, the never-ending-lively-and-envious-activities etc. Basically they have everything which I don't. Most importantly, they achieved them all with their own effort (be it good or bad way). Life is such wonderful to them!

But surprisingly, it all become no longer my business. Oh got baby already? I'll congratulate her on FB!

Anyway, the reason why I wrote such a long post, is to testify the miraculous work God has done on me. It's such amazing how God can use HIS wonders to change my mindset with just 3 months! (from the day I wrote this old post) I used to think that I'll never ever gonna forgive what that bunch of people did on me. No matter how many times my parents & friends encouraged me not to hold grudge on them, NO ONE can convince me that they deserve my forgiveness!

But with this 3 months time, the people I met, I spoke with, the sermons I heard, surprisingly tame me down! Bad Blood Turns Cold. I used to be gaga over the way they act, the way they bad-mouth me, and the way they treated me, but now not anymore! Life is short, so why do I need to waste my precious time to care about them? I learn to think a bigger picture and be more mature instead of getting annoyed on little thing, to wish them well despite their past actions. I feel much calmer and happier than before. This is something I've never realize I've changed in this 3 months!

Put aside, I have to give thanks to these bunch of people who hurt me. Without you guys, I never know that I can have chance to be a better me. It was silly of me not to treat myself well, be the 烂好人 on you. I should thank you for teaching me to realize the reality of this world, and becoming a more mature person.

Of course I'm no where to be extra mature. The journey is long but all these are definitely blessings from God. I thank God that HE use wonders to set me free, and looking forward to what HE'd installed on me to be a better person! ^^

**Part of this post were taken from Anfieldyee's Dayre. If you do own Dayre, do add me @anfieldyee =)