Thursday, 20 March 2014

My life has changed more over the last 6 months than I think it has at any other time in my life... or so it seems. Every day has been a new journey in and of itself with more than enough to handle for that one day. It reminds me of this verse in Mathew 6:34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I have lived that out so many times over the last few months and gone to bed each and every day exhausted in ways that have left me feeling like I didn't even have the energy to sleep, but grateful that God has been leading the way. It's been one of the most difficult times of my life and I have cried tears that I didn't know I had left in me to cry. I have also rejoiced and laughed with my beautiful girls who have been a constant in my life when so much has been changing. What an absolute blessing and joy they are... and still the journey continues.I have had friends that have stepped in where others have walked away and I have learned to rejoice in this and let hurt go which is a life long process we all go through. God is in control and I constantly fight against my own anger and disappointed to remember this. And when I do, peace comes.What lies ahead I have no idea, absolutely no idea but I have learned that I have choices I can make along the way. Choices in attitude, in what I do with my time, in who I spend that time with. I have choices in the way I treat others and how I treat myself. I have learned that I would rather have God confidence than self confidence which can be eroded at the first sign of a harsh word or a turned back. I have learned that we all make mistakes and need to forgive ourselves as much as we as asked to forgive others. Some things I am still stubborn about and grateful for God's patience and mercy and grace to cover me while I work through those things.

I am grateful for the journey and Gods provision through it for I have no doubt he opened doors that I thought were bolted shut and felt completely overwhelmed as to how I would walk through them. It was almost like a vision he gave me of him leading the way. I can still see it, God has an look of absolute joy on his face as he leads me and tells me there is more in store that what I see. It helped me go on and realise that sometimes help comes from the most unexpected places.

I have a long way to go, we all do, and that's ok. We are only meant to live one day at a time so all we have to do is think on today and make the best of it for what it is and trust God's hand in it. The verse before the one I quoted above says this:

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you". Matthew 6:33

To be honest with you, I am not great at this. As I said I can be stubborn and think I know what's best but I am committed to at least trying to work this out in my life and trusting God will come and meet me there and take my hand for the next part of the journey. He has set me free and each day is a choice to walk in his freedom. I know seeking His kingdom is a key in doing that.

Please pray for me as I continue on this journey and I will join you in prayer in my spirit for your journey as well.