Friday, July 28, 2006

she drives me crazy and i can't help myself

The offspring are a tad pissed off at me because I made a scene at Eat 'N Park this evening. We had supper, and as is the tradition,the KIDS get a free smiley face cookie. Well, I'm sorry, but I WANTED A DAMN FREE SMILEY FACE COOKIE!I *might have* made a teeny bit of a scene screaming and yelling until I got one. But I GOT ONE!! HA!To the victor goes the spoils....and the smiley face cookie.Speaking of the Smiley Face Cookie, why in the world did they give him a Louie Armstrong type voice in the commercial?To make him seem more kid friendly? Every time I see that damn commercial, I expect the cookie to start singing,"It's a Wonderful World."

I read Lance Bass (hell I think it was him) is going to produce a gay version of The Odd Couple.Whoopie. You couldn't get much gayer than Tony Randall.

I looked outside early this morning and saw two ducks eating in my front yard.I drove the Hoveround out and said, "Look, you birds live two streets up. I suggest you get your asses home before I release the hound!"And they said, "Quack, quack, quack, quaccccck!" which made me wonder why in the world did The Penguin on Batman 'quack'?Penguins don't quack. So from now on, people, remember: if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it could be The Penguin.Anywho, back to the ducks who were trying to peck me to death with their rubber beaks. I told them to amscray and they said, (using Duck to English translation here): "Fuck off, beotch!" because we all know ducks are sarcastic AND vicious,as well as miserly, if Scrooge McDuck is anything to go by. And I don't care if they do wear cute little shirts.

Stephen Colbert's interview with the Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton from Washington, D.C. was HILARIOUS. He really managed to get her all riled up.He pointed out that she hadn't voted once since getting elected and she said it was because she had no vote in the House or Senate. After she got all pissy with himbecause he tried to say the District of Columbia was not a part of the United States because it wasn't a state, Stephen said, "Do you see now why you don't get a vote?"At the end of the interview, he said, "Thank you for taking time away from not voting to talk to us." IMHO, it was one of his best interviews.

I was watching an old rerun of "All in The Family," and I was trying todecide who a young Sally Struthers reminded me of: Kelly Ripa.

Mr G did the laundry yesterday and he said, "I have a question. Why do I have 7 pairs of underwear in the wash and you only have three for the same time period?"I said, "Because some of us believe in getting the most out of our underwear. I turn mine inside out."Truth be told, I was my undergutchies separate from his because I have to use perfume free detergent. I don't want my cooch smelling "Spring Fresh" or like "Summer Rain", doggone it. I want it to smell like my trailer trash lovin' self!