#3 The most hysterically comical event in the course of human history would have occurred if one of these dumb cunts - say, the little girl second from left - accidentally pulled the trigger and blew off the bride's head. This could have started a chain reaction in which the swift decapitation of all nine of these deeply flawed and genetically defective life forms ensued.

Maybe one would be left, briefly clinging to life for two or three seconds, the top of her head shorn off above the jaw, her mouth muscles still trying to obey their last command, which was to say "You killed me, you f*cking whore", but only coming out in a zombie-like "rawr-rawr-rawr" as her finger found the trigger once more for a final salute, killing the stupefied groom. Bonus death!

Were this to happen, no words could ever hope to describe the hilarity of such epic magnitude. It is in no way an exaggeration to say that I would not be able to stop laughing in order to breathe again.

And on top of that, as if it weren't enough, nature would be served generous helpings of justice and revenge, its immutable laws having been bent but not broken. Never broken.