I came home from work feeling frustrated and heavy. This happens often for me as I have a difficult time sitting at a desk for 9 hours or so a day with very little physical movement and staring at a computer. I find this to be a very violent state to have to live in day in and day out. Furthermore, I am a bit of an emotional sponge so all the misdirected traumas and heaviness and abandoned emotions floating around in the ethers seem to flock toward me in search of some sort of refuge. On top of all of this I am not yet living the life I have envisioned for myself (although I am definitely on that path).

In the past when I would feel this state, which is often, I wouldn't really know what to do with it and would typically numb it with some sort of substance or distraction, food, alcohol, weed, men, etc. On this particular evening I decided to sit with it for a bit and see what came up.I went into my room and turned on some relaxing music, lit a candle and sat down.That’s when I remembered the Tantric shaking exercise that Charu reminded me (and other women) of in the recent teleseminar I listened in on.

I recalled the instructions as this, set a timer for a specific amount of time, plant your feet in the earth, rest your jaw and your neck and shake as you need until the timer rings.Afterwords, be sure to take time to integrate the meditation and the movement that has just happened in your body for an equal amount of time.

So I did just that!Now I’ve never done this exercise alone before so I was mindful to be sure to hold space for myself and be present and mindful with whatever came up!As I began to shake I would vacillate between being too much in my head and going with the sensations taking place inside my body.

The more I felt into those sensations and allowed them to shake my body the less in my head I was.And it was an incredibly powerful experience!And on it went my body shaking and deep grunts and howls coming from inside my womb.

Because I am currently living and working in the West Bank, Palestine I have been intimately up close with many of the horrors that human beings can inflict upon each other.Being Palestinian myself it has been such a personal experience and deeply painful one that often makes me want to jump right out of my skin.

Needless to say it has been a difficult experience to digest and process.

While doing this exercise many revelations came to me.I found myself growling and grring like an animal and twisting my face fiercely.And all I could think when I was doing this was that I was somehow affirming life by facing some of the horrors of life.And like a mother protecting her children I was showing this anti-life energy that I was a force to be reckoned with and that energy could not play itself out in my body.

I was also noticing that the deep guttural sounds coming from me were originating from my womb.Suddenly my womb felt very heavy and full of pain yet this made sense to me since the womb is literally a sort of cave that is receptive to things.And the deeper I went into my womb and released these sounds the more turned on and alive I felt.I think I actually got wet from this and was acutely aware of the pain I have been storing there and how closely it seemed to resemble pleasure as I allowed myself to touch and feel it.I felt like I was on the verge of having an orgasm.

I also realized that in many ways I have been using sex as a way to access this pain.It is like in some way the act of a man being inside of me is how I can be inside the heart of this pain vicariously through this person.And in the past this was the only way I could “safely” access this pain because I’ve been taught growing up that as a woman I need a man to feel safe in the world.

Then the timer rang and it was time to relax into these integrations.I took my time going to lie down on the ground and paced around a bit before I laid on my stomach to do a kundalini yoga meditation technique that clears your arc line.Your arc line is a column running down the center of your body.For a woman she retains subtle imprints of every single man she has been intimate with in her arc line.The reasoning for this on a subtle energetic level is if a man were to die after impregnating a woman then the child would know who his father is.

During the meditation I was able to completely relax in a way that is typically very difficult for me.After the timer rang I again took my time before getting up acting as if I had all the time in the world.I felt in such a state of buoyancy and bliss and truly felt like a completely new and different person than I was just 30 minutes ago.

It was profound and penetrating especially being in this part of the world where shame is rampant and sex is taboo. It is amazing to me that tantra can continue to work and unfold its lessons within me even when I feel so far away from not just regular workshops but any sort of acceptance of this sort of healing. I came out of this exercise feeling powerful and willing to continue to do this sort of work.

P.S. Want to learn more about how you can explore Tantric Meditation? Go to www.embodytantra.com and join our mailing list to receive juicy weekly articles on Tantra, listings of upcoming events and a FREE Audio Class, 'Better Sex, Richer Life through Tantra'.

Be guided to let down the internal barriers that have been recreating the story that we are alone and unsupported and wake up to the reality of Life's Embrace. Life is loving you, life is supporting you all we need to do is say 'yes'. Allow me to create a space for you where you can experience Life's embrace on a visceral level. Creating a body-memory that you can take with you.”