Be Assertive to reach your goals

Being assertive is essential to manage your self esteem, your
stress levels and to keep any change focused on your needs and not to be
swayed by the wishes and agendas of others.

A
lot of
lifestyle stress comes from either communicating
aggressively with people, which generates stress and regretting behaviour or to
be
passive which results in getting stressed because too much responsibility and
work is
passed to us because we do not have the skills to prevent it.

DEVELOP STRATEGIES

This
simple and effective approach to communicating your needs will help
you develop strategies to manage your self esteem and your stress
levels and express what you want without feeling guilty or rejecting the
wishes of others.

Aggressive, passive or be true to yourself?

When looking
at this communication style, the first thing to consider is what it actually means. There
are three ways of interacting with others, being aggressive, being passive and
being assertive.

AGGRESSIVE

Aggressive communication
disregards the feelings and needs of others. This can be seen either through
physical aggression but also by being verbally aggressive, dominating
someone, whilst choosing to ignore the needs of others.

People with low self esteem behave like this for a range of paradoxical
reasons. They may behave aggressively because they are frustrated and despite
feeling weak and vulnerable, do not want to appear weak so overtly behave
aggressively because they do not want to appear weak, others with low self
esteem adopt aggressive approaches because they fear rejection and if they are
aggressive then they can excuse any rejection that they may experience.

Don't neglect your own needs

When we are
passive we neglect our own needs and feelings so for example we will focus on
others, give our time when we are busy, share our assets when we have too few
to cope, give food when we are hungry. People with low self esteem do this
because they believe that they are not as worthy as others to have their share
of resources and may be heard saying “I am alright”, I am not hungry” “I can afford to lend you
money” when they are not.

Take a balanced approach and stay in control

BALANCE

Ideally you are seeking to get the balance between the two approaches. Here the needs of the various
parties are recognised and valued. This does not mean that everyone gets what
they want but that all parties experience respect and where possible all needs
are met or at least overtly recognised.

Being
heard and valued without being aggressive is essential for making and
maintaining change because this way of communicating gives you the
skills to value yourself and others equally. It will
aid you in communicating your own plans and needs and give you the
skills to
prevent anyone else from undermining them.

Assertiveness builds motivation

This ability
to communicate will help you stay motivated in whatever you are working to
change whether it is smoking, weight management, addiction, depression or
anxiety as you will be able to adequately meet your own needs. Failing to meet
your own needs serves to harm your self esteem and your motivation and thus
your ability to keep change going when you experience new challenges.For more information on how to assert yourself more then click here.