November 20, 2014

Good news, my back is feeling better than it has since Monday. I went
to the chiropractor and he couldn't get the spot in my mid-back very
well, but my lower back is noticably improved which means reduced pain,
stiffness, and soreness for yours truly. Being in that kind of pain
killed my appetite which was a good thing for a few days, but now it's
back and I've found that when I feel better, I have less incentive to
get rid of the habits that landed me where I'm at now. Today I talked to
the woman I've been speaking to about signing up for her program. We
agreed that I could pay as I go after an initial down payment and she's
going to get back to me on time slots.

We're going to have our oldest daughter participate in this, and I'm
thinking about talking to my sister so my niece can come with her. For
children this age Patty does half hour sessions and I think the girls
will have a lot of fun as they learn some of the things she's teaching
them. Children need skills and tools to succeed in life and since Patty
has two children of her own who are similar ages, she understands what
we're dealing with and going through. Today I had a chance to talk to
both of Jill's teachers. They said she's been doing much better which
made me glad despite her coming home and just starting her balloon car
project which is due tomorrow.

Last night my mom came over and I am very grateful for her help and
support. She cleaned out my fridge, scrubbed the bathroom, and folded
two loads of laundry after she finished the dishes. I was able to make
spaghetti squash, a roast that was going to have to be thrown out and
some chicken along with a thing of rice and some asparagus. I pulled out
my foam roller and resolved to start using that daily although so far I
haven't today. I really miss writing fiction, but I have to remind
myself that I've had fun in the past and now I need to revisit my
priorities.

I'm frustrated and a bit excited and wondering how this next step is
going to pan out for me and my family. It's wonderful to have the pain
in my back lessened, but it's not so much fun to feel like I'm slipping
backwards instead of moving forwards again. It was humbling to have to
ask for help to put on my socks and I still can't do certain things
without quite a bit of discomfort although every day gets somewhat
easier. In the past I haven't gotten along with my mom or my husband. I
viewed them as on a team together that was actively fighting me.

While it's easy to point fingers, I have to accept my role in the
relationship breakdown. I'm really missing my therapist and I haven't
heard from her after she said she would get back to me on Wednesday so
now I'm wondering if I should go back to my old therapist who is twice
as expensive, but also very good in a totally different way. I miss her
tremendously and would like to see her new offices now that she's moved.
Today I made an appointment for a friend of mine to come over and clean
my house in December. Whether I should be able to clean it myself is no
longer the point. I can't right now and I'm going to spend the money to
get it done at a level I'm happy with.

There's more I'd like to say, but my back is starting to hurt from sitting too long so I'll sign off and wish you well.