"I’m lying facedown in a shed letting a woman pour honey on me. I must look like a giant piece of toast. " Honey massage, api-therapy treatments, apiary tours and honey tastings are all on the itinerary as bees become a focal point in tourism across Slovenia. So bee-geeks (beeks?) and the api-curious can rejoice: bee tourism is a thing.

That's right, look at the gif. Nice, isn't it? Nice places, tasty treats; Parisian life at its finest. Keep looking, just for another moment. Because I'm about to ruin it for you with a story about a cat shitting himself from both ends.

A firework explodes directly above my head and I don’t even flinch. Even a brief time in Mexico will do that to you – the omnipresence of fireworks is like having a friend who habitually cracks their knuckles.