I live in the whitest part of the whitest part of your town.
Stay the hell off my lawn.

May 17, 2012

White People Love Spray Tanning

White folks like being white (it tends to be an advantage) but they dislike looking white which is why spray tanning was invented. You can easily tell if you are in the white part of town by the number of tanning joints per square mile. (JoCo seems to have at least one per strip mall.)

Spray tanning isn't easy, by the way. It's cold, smells weird, and is kinda loud, not to mention you have to get naked to do it right. But once it's done, you will obtain a gorgeous "tan" in about 8 hours. For the first 12 hours you can't take a shower or have anything on that will rub off the tanning chemicals, so it's a white woman's favorite excuse to wear sloppy yoga pants and turn down her husband's sexual advantages.