On Saturday, November 20th, we raised $365 for Bounce For Life! Thank you to all of you who donated and for the well wishes from everyone. You all helped make my birthday week so much fun, truly an EXTRAORDINARY celebration.

Below you will find the “Victorisms”, the quotes from last week’s board that were attributed to me. You’ll also find the various playlists from throughout the week. Enjoy!

VictorismsEnjoy!
Feel free.
Thank you for being here.
OR NOT is always an option.
Take your time.
Nicely done. (variations were: Nice work in that series. Good job in…. Etc.)
As you are ready.
Breathe.
How’s that?
Eventually.
Relax your glutes. Yoga should make you less of a tight ass.
Find yourself as you are.
Shall we flow?
Looks like you’ve had enough of that. (variation: That’s enough of that.)
Indeed.
Is that all you got?
I got nothin’.
Make the ordinary extraordinary. (variation: The ordinary is extraordinary.)
I have a couple of announcements.
Please park only in the customer spaces.

Birthday Week Music Mixes

Monday

11:30

✓ 1954 20th Century Fox Fanfare John Williams Star Wars: A New Hope Soundtrack 0:23
✓ 1994 The Wood Song Indigo Girls Swamp Ophelia Music 4:14
✓ 1997 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) Green Day nimrod Rock 2:35
✓ 1970 Into The Mystic Van Morrison Moondance Singer/Songwriter 3:30
✓ 2004 What Ever I Feel Like Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Comedy 0:06
✓ 2004 All That We Let In Indigo Girls All That We Let In Music 4:38
✓ 1970 Let It Be The Beatles Let It Be Rock 4:03
✓ 1975 New York State Of Mind Billy Joel Greatest Hits Rock 6:05
✓ 2007 Secret O’ Life James Taylor One Man Band Music 3:42
✓ Sharks With Frickin Laser Beams Mike Myers Memories and Boob Fights Comedy 0:21
✓ 1976 If It’s Magic Stevie Wonder Songs In The Key Of Life R&B Old School 3:12
✓ 1988 Sylvie Sweet Honey In the Rock Folkways: A Vision Shared – A Tribute to Woody Guthrie and Leadbelly Pop 2:03
✓ 1982 Imagine John Lennon The John Lennon Collection Rock 3:05
✓ Just The End The Beatles Abbey Road Remix Rock 0:34

12:30

✓ 1954 20th Century Fox Fanfare John Williams Star Wars: A New Hope Soundtrack 0:23
✓ 1994 The Wood Song Indigo Girls Swamp Ophelia Music 4:14
✓ 1997 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) Green Day nimrod Rock 2:35
✓ 1970 Into The Mystic Van Morrison Moondance Singer/Songwriter 3:30
✓ 2004 What Ever I Feel Like Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Comedy 0:06
✓ 2004 All That We Let In Indigo Girls All That We Let In Music 4:38
✓ 1970 Let It Be The Beatles Let It Be Rock 4:03
✓ 1982 Imagine John Lennon The John Lennon Collection Rock 3:05
✓ 1975 New York State Of Mind Billy Joel Greatest Hits Rock 6:05
✓ 2007 Secret O’ Life James Taylor One Man Band Music 3:42
✓ Sharks With Frickin Laser Beams Mike Myers Memories and Boob Fights Comedy 0:21
✓ 1976 If It’s Magic Stevie Wonder Songs In The Key Of Life R&B Old School 3:12
✓ 1988 Sylvie Sweet Honey In the Rock Folkways: A Vision Shared – A Tribute to Woody Guthrie and Leadbelly Pop 2:03
✓ Just The End The Beatles Abbey Road Remix Rock 0:34

5:45

✓ 1954 20th Century Fox Fanfare John Williams Star Wars: A New Hope Soundtrack 0:23
✓ 1994 The Wood Song Indigo Girls Swamp Ophelia Music 4:14
✓ 2000 All I Need Michael McDonald The Complete Blue Obsession Recordings Music 5:41
✓ 2004 What Ever I Feel Like Napoleon Dynamite Napoleon Dynamite Comedy 0:06
✓ 1997 Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) Green Day nimrod Rock 2:35
✓ 1987 Man In The Mirror Michael Jackson Bad Pop 5:19
✓ 1993 Blink Of An Eye Michael McDonald Blink Of An Eye Music 4:56
✓ 1970 Into The Mystic Van Morrison Moondance Singer/Songwriter 3:30
✓ 1990 Someday We’ll All Be Free Donny Hathaway A Donny Hathaway Collection Soul/R&B 4:14
✓ It Tolls For Thee Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Books & Spoken 0:49
✓ 1982 Imagine John Lennon The John Lennon Collection Rock 3:05
✓ 1970 Let It Be The Beatles Let It Be Rock 4:03
✓ 2004 All That We Let In Indigo Girls All That We Let In Music 4:38
✓ 1975 New York State Of Mind Billy Joel Greatest Hits Rock 6:05
✓ 2001 Everything Must Change Quincy Jones 20th Century Masters – The Millennium Collection: The Best of Quincy Jones Soul 6:05
✓ Sharks With Frickin Laser Beams Mike Myers Memories and Boob Fights Comedy 0:21
✓ 2006 The Heart of Life John Mayer Continuum Rock 3:19
✓ 2007 Secret O’ Life James Taylor One Man Band Music 3:42
✓ 1976 If It’s Magic Stevie Wonder Songs In The Key Of Life R&B Old School 3:12
✓ 1988 Sylvie Sweet Honey In the Rock Folkways: A Vision Shared – A Tribute to Woody Guthrie and Leadbelly Pop 2:03
✓ Just The End The Beatles Abbey Road Remix Rock 0:34
✓ 1999 Soon Be To Nothing Indigo Girls Come On Now Social Music 4:30

About 5 years ago the Tuesday night intermediate class and I went out to dinner at Olitas. At the time I was using only “yoga” music in my classes, flutes, sytar, chanting, etc. At the dinner the topic of my personal yoga practice came up and Sara asked what kind of music I listened to while practicing. I mentioned Led Zepplin, Mos Def, among others. She suggested I start using that kind of music in class and I began experimenting with different music mixes. Since then many of you have come to enjoy the Martin Luther King Birthday mixes, and the mixes for holidays, and even just encouraging the sun to shine. Thanks to Sara for the encouragement. This one was for you:

I was just reading this week’s article in the GoodTimes Santa Cruz titled Yogis Behaving Badly. The article is written on the subject of yoga teachers and the specter of sexual harassment that has been known to loom in the shadows of the yoga world between teacher and student, guru and disciple. The article points out the tenderness of the relationship between a student and his or her teacher, and how that vulnerability can be, and has been, abused.

Certainly, becoming a successful and inspiring yoga teacher should go hand-in-hand with adhering to the moral foundational principals of yoga (the yamas and niyamas). But it doesn’t always work out that way. Yoga teachers are human, tempted by all the same urges as everyone else. Fear of retribution from an almighty and judgmental God did not make Catholic priests impervious to molesting little boys. There is no reason to think that all yoga teachers would be immune to the same impulses, especially when worshiped themselves by a roomful of women in spandex routinely in the process of opening up –physically, emotionally, and one would hope, spiritually.

It was obvious to me, as I got deeper into the writing, that one of the author’s purposes in broaching the topic of abuse by yoga teachers was to publicly air the events that brought one of our own local teachers under criminal investigation for the alleged rape of one student, and the sexual harassment of two others. As far as I know, those claims are still being investigated by the Santa Cruz Police Department.

On one hand I appreciated the explicit (and anonymous, as the names of the victims had been changed) descriptions of what actually happened to these women. These women felt that they had been violated, and they were willing to reveal the actions that made them feel this way. For a woman who might be feeling weird or unsure about a suspect interaction with a yoga teacher, reading the description of another woman’s experience might help clarify her reaction. Women, especially with a history of sexual abuse (1 in 3) sometimes get confused. Some feel they should give the benefit of the doubt to the abuser, and that they must be misinterpreting the event. A common pattern is to feel they deserved or even invited the abuse. And then there is just plain old shame and embarrassment. To read another woman’s account of harassment spelled out for all to see could (and should) give women courage to confront their own experiences, so that they can make appropriate choices around processing and healing the trauma.

On the other hand this article has caused me a fair amount of discomfort since I first read it the other day. I’ve been chewing on the ‘facts’ I know about our local situation, as they have been revealed to me over time. I have no personal history with the accused, but am aware of the scandals under which he left my former professional stomping grounds. I have heard the rumors that have been floating around the yoga community for years, and have internalized the ‘inside scoops’ from people closer to the source of the ‘troubles’ than I am. None of this is conclusive evidence of wrongdoing, which is why under the umbrella of news organizations, or even the umbrella of Nourish the dirty laundry cannot be completely hung out to dry. We won’t name names, we can’t speak openly about what may have happened, to whom, and because of whom. But by now I am skeptical enough to steer clear of any involvement with the accused. It’s frustrating that in most cases of this nature the ‘real’ story is never allowed to come out. These accusations seem to always exist in the realm of rumor and gossip. I have to say, though it was nice to finally see at least something in print, it’s frustrating that an article inspired by local events had to be so….generalized.

When we are restricted from talking about rape, sexual harassment, or any other kind of violence the offender is protected, not the victim. I understand that until someone is convicted of a crime that it violates that person’s rights to speak about them as if they were guilty. The mechanism for protecting the innocent-wrongly-accused has an important role in our justice system, obviously. I believe in due process, etc… However, in cases like this I find it unfortunate that a potential threat to women is left vague and yet sensationalized. Without specifics, we keep the issue at arm’s length, as if it has nothing to do with us. Or worse, the uninformed assume the yoga world is rife with such problems and allow the fear instilled by the media to color their impression of yoga altogether.

As Judith Lasater so profoundly expressed in the GoodTimes article, this problem is not going to get better when someone gets put behind bars. This issue won’t get better in any facet of our society until women refuse to be victimized, first by the offender and then later by feeling ashamed to raise her voice about it. That’s a tall order. (I know the former statement will have a lot of victims of violence perking up, so give me a moment to elaborate).

A quote came to me through one of my own teachers, Colette Crawford. It is an ‘ancient Chinese saying’, one of those that has no source that I’ve been able to find. Please correct me if I’ve got it wrong, or if you know something about it’s origins that I don’t. It goes like this:

“Mountains will move, wars will cease, when women wake up.”

I’m not saying that we can necessarily end rape and sexual harassment. With things as they are we have no control of what another brings to the relationship we have with them, whether that is the relationship with a friend, a date, a teacher, a family member, or stranger on a dark street. What we do have is the ability to overcome shame, heal, refuse silence, and raise awareness with the purpose of creating an environment where inappropriate sexual advances are never tolerated in any way by anybody. Ms. Lasater’s fantasy about a woman standing up in the middle of class to announce an indiscretion, and then asking for solidarity in a boycott of the class is now my fantasy too. My greatest disappointment is the gossipy nature of these discussions, when they come up. Oh, and the fact that this teacher is still teaching.

My first thought was that there should be an organization for yoga teachers through which complaints can be filed and investigated. That way, even if there are no prosecutions, at least there is a record of complaints. You see, there very well may not have been a crime committed here. Making passes at women, after all, is not illegal (except in the workplace). But I think we can all agree that yoga teachers should not be making passes at students, any more than college professors, police officers, or therapists should be. If there were some way to log a complaint, Yogis could be left to make their own judgments about teachers. They would have a place to go to to look for red flags, or to place a warning for future students.

Then I realized that no governing body can protect us from these teachers, both few and far between, by-the-way. It’s up to us to refuse to be taken advantage of. Though I understand the purpose of the article, and the assumptions we have been guided to make. Though I appreciate the interview with Judith Lasater, and the efforts to give voice to this serious issue–we will not see the end of this, as Ms. Lasater points out, until we, as a community start talking out loud. We know this is happening. It’s fine to name names and issue warnings.

My own mother was annoyingly over-protective when I was a kid. She was constantly reminding me of self-defense techniques, talking with me about abuse and what to do if I feel unsafe with someone. It was one of my least favorite things about being her child. “Maaaawwwwwwwmmmm. Cheeeeeeeez.” But in my early 20s when I found myself suddenly in a violent situation with a boyfriend of two years, I knew what to do. I got the hell out of there and pressed charges. Not because I was angry and wanted to get back at him. But because I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. I knew that whatever the outcome of his proceedings that he would have a blemish on his record reflecting what happened to me. I knew, even then, that that blemish might in some direct or indirect way, protect another woman from escalating harm.

This is one case where I think we should speak up, even if it feels like gossip. If you are experiencing, or know someone who is experiencing problems with a yoga teacher, (or anyone else for that matter) you owe it to yourself, and all women everywhere to talk about it. Share it with your friends, a counselor, or a help line. Share other incidents in your life that have made you uncomfortable. Heal your own experiences by bringing them into the light and asking those that you love and who love you to take a look at them, even if it’s the last thing you want to do.

As a student of yoga, tell your fellow yoginis when a teacher crosses the line and disappoints your sense of morality, and by all means stop going to see that teacher. Share with your fellow practitioners the teachers with whom you feel safe and respected. As well as the names of the studios in which you feel supported. The word ‘guru’ refers to a teacher that brings a student from the darkness of ignorance into the light of understanding. In speaking about this problem out loud, we become gurus by bringing this uncomfortable subject out of the dark closet in which it has lurked, and into the light of our collective awareness.

It is unfortunate that we have to keep our wiles about us as we venture into the yoga world and subject ourselves to our teachers. But we do. I for one, have felt relieved to have been nowhere near the teacher that shall remain unnamed in this post, or the studio that supported him despite multiple complaints. Instead I remain grateful that I am in the fold of an organization that puts the health and well-being of it’s clientele at the forefront of it’s mission (thank you Nourish) and to be teaching among teachers I would recommend to absolutely anyone who asked, male or female, regardless of their history. Finally, I am grateful to be able to sit with my boss and fellow teacher, Victor, and discuss this serious issue together. He and Jocelyn have brought this issue out into the light of Nourish by discussing it openly in meetings, and have asked us to share our feelings and insights about it with our students, and anyone who will listen. Their message is clear. Sexual misconduct among yoga teachers should not, under any circumstances, be tolerated. “We want people to know that Nourish is a safe place to practice yoga.”

In the summer of 1996 Jocelyn and I were married in La Jolla and 2 days later moved to Santa Cruz. We have been here ever since and have celebrated every one of our wedding anniversaries right here in our adopted home town. On our anniversary this year I put together some new music mixes to celebrate our union during yoga classes. Here they are. Enjoy!

While yoga continues to gain tremendous popularity, there is still often a veil of mystery within which it is shrouded. Particularly the history and variety of expressions that yoga takes are often unknown even to long time yoga practitioners. The film Yoga Unveiled does an excellent job of illuminating the past, present, and potential future of this powerfully dynamic system that we call yoga. From yoga’s roots in India nearly 50 centuries ago, to its spread to the west over the last 100 years, this film explores the depth and breadth of yoga in a clear, relevant, and insightful way. If you get a chance, check it out.

I found myself teaching mula bandha, the root lock,in class a few weeks ago. (It hadn’t really been a part of the plan that day. It just sort of spontaneously emerged.) I allowed myself to give some very specific physical instructions, which I don’t usually do. You see, There are some schools of yoga that believe we shouldn’t teach the bandhasor ‘locks’ in the body. The idea is that as one progresses in the asana practice the bandhas happen automatically, without one having to think about it. Teaching the bandhas is at best unnecessary, and at worst confusing. Because of this, I have resisted little more than a mention of the locks in an effort to remain true to my own teachers, especially when I’ve felt I didn’t yet have enough information or experience to warrant making those choices on my own. Lately I’ve been a little more…well…experimental.

What happened that day was that the class evolved to include the principles of muladhara chakra; and we continued work with the root chakra for the remainder of the week. The following week we focused on the second chakra, and we’ve been climbing up the spine ever since.

A couple of weeks ago, when it became time to move on to vishuddha chakra, the energy center located at the throat, something changed in me. In the previous weeks leading up to the heart chakra I was feeling inspired, directed, and clear about what to bring into my chakra classes. I had been looking forward to the classes, and even wished I had more time to delve more deeply into this work. But this particular week, when I began thinking about vishuddha, I hit a wall.

The feelings that came up for me were not blaring and loud, in fact it took me a while to notice them. But they were powerful. When I thought about teaching, I felt lethargic and bored, as if the sound of my own voice was becoming tiresome…bla, bla, bla. I was also experiencing a mild sense of dread at the idea of getting ready to teach. I started to have the ‘Monday Blues’. And found myself approaching my week with a ‘just make it to Friday’ kind of attitude’. The feelings were so mild, that I could have easily dismissed them. But I took notice, and went about preparing to teach about the energetic wheel at the throat anyway.

Later it occurred to me that until that week, I had been teaching about concepts I understood relatively well. I have infinite work to do in my own practice; and by no means do I see myself as an expert in the subtle energies of the body. However, up until the 5th chakra I was confident in my philosophical knowledge and experiential understanding. I had what I felt was more than enough fodder to bring to a few hours of teaching on the subjects. But the throat chakra...

I see myself knee deep in the mud of vishuddha. My everyday efforts as a teacher, a mother, a wife, a woman, and a human are centered in exploring my voice, living my truth, sharing and moving toward my dreams, trusting in our interconnectedness, and channeling the energy of a passionate heart for the good of my family —and ultimately all beings. This is my daily work —the very seat of my triumphs and failures. These are my challenges. This energetic center is where it gets sticky interesting for me.

Caroline Shola Arewa, the author of Opening to Spirit, explains, “when energy is allowed to remain in the lower chakras, limitation continues. The beautiful body temple becomes a prison and we cannot see beyond earthly reality. As energy ascends through the heart into the throat, our horizons broaden. Our sense of awe and wonder increases, our path in life is illuminated and our direction becomes clear.” When I read these words, I feel like she is describing my process. However, I feel like a babe in the woods, at the very, very beginning of this opening. Looking up towards the sun through the trees and blinking the sleep out of my eyes. This is my chakra.

Aaahaaa. The source of my resistance. My disinterest. The doldrums of my spiritual ascension. I am stalled out! And then I Remembered (with a capital ‘R’): Slow down, go in, dig deeper. Because it’s all in there. This I really do believe. The answers are inside of us. We are whole. And we are wholly connected to every being that came before. Even, perhaps especially, the ones who spent their lives sitting in caves contemplating the nature of the universe, mapping the chakras and the nadis, practicing coming into full being-ness. All this comes from within.

Wednesday morning we slowed down. I knew it was the right thing. We began class with three oms, we breathed, we held, we focused, we rested, and we ended with om. Dear students, I’m not sure what your experience was, but the chanting of om at the end of that class was ethereal (get it? throat chakra? Ether?). It was as if we were all vibrating together, like tuning forks resonating to the waves of energy enveloping us. I can’t know how it was for you, but my own experience was of deep peace and complete wonder at the very extraordinary, almost visible energy in the room. A palpable sense of connectedness, and a delicious, deep, lingering shift seemed to be present in all of us. For me, it was one of those magical moments upon which years of practice and a renewed desire to share yoga can rest. Another layer fell away. Inspiration.

The purpose of this post? It doesn’t really matter what is known, practiced, taught, thought about, learned. Slow down and bring awareness into your body. Tune into the sensations there, and all the other things that drift into your awareness. Allow all thoughts, feelings, and sensations to have relevance. Let nothing go unnoticed, and the nature of that which is within, the fabric that holds us together: bone, fiber, blood, breath, space, light, light, light…. becomes known. That knowing, sometimes fleeting, sometimes brief, is…Radiant (with a capital ‘R’).

This week we’re discussing the yoga principle tapas and people keep getting hungry during class. The definition we’ve been working with in class is commitment, dedication, and passion. And while all of these capture the essence of tapas, making a commitment to one’s self and one’s yoga practice, there is something to the experience of hunger that illuminates the practice of tapas.

When there is a hunger to practice yoga, there is tapas. Too often we silence the inner hunger to do what is best in exchange for what is easy or expedient. Tapas is an honoring of our best selves. It is a practice of listening to our need for effort in the direction of progress and growth. So when you are at the moment of internal decision: “I could go to yoga class, or I could go run these errands, or check my facebook page, or….” call on tapas to support your best self.

When there is a hunger to practice peace, there is tapas. The definition of peace as a noun misses it’s true nature. Peace is a practice that requires strength, courage, determination, and consistency. Peace is best practiced with the full intensity of our being and this is what tapas brings to our yoga practice.

Bring tapas to your yoga practice. With tapas you will find the support you need when there is adversity and inspiration to be your best in every moment.

For the last several years I have been encouraging students learn and engage some essential yoga practices. These have been around much longer than the last several years. They are the 8 limbs of yoga, ashtanga, that Patanjali codified in the Yoga Sutras.

I have also promised over the past several weeks that I would blog the definitions for a few of these. These definitions are in no way intended to be the end of a conversation, but rather the beginning. It is my intention that students and others will not simply take what I say as gospel, but will dig deeper and come to their own conclusions about the best way to define and practice each of these.

Finally I would like to note that while some of these practices can be construed simply as philosophical concepts or as end points to be acheived, they are intended as processes of exploration and are best engaged actively.