7/4/14 – Staying Strong on Test Day

Today was a strong day for me. Spent most of the day with Hunter without getting into a fight or touching her. A small test for me to see if I can keep my hated of her and lust for the old delusion at bay. She got her “toe time,” but that was mainly to get her to calm her head down. That isn’t easy when you find her notes about me.

They started right after I told son to tell people if she was hurting him. Four or five pages of notes about me saying “I’m done,” and the “bruises” she found one day when he slammed his head into the door knob (which is funny since she even acknowledged I had nothing to so with it), and how I’m not following the parent plan and this is insanity. Lots of references to emails and texts. Nothing the last week, but she has been busy with work. She cracks me up about denying in her notes that she told son I was trying to get her thrown in jail. I’m guessing she may not even remember. Nor are there notes about how she put my son in the phone to tell me to stop abusing her.

The morning started with some fun texts from me of daughter and her antics. Using the bar soap to clean her teeth – putting underwear on her head like the Burton book. No response. I text hey about tonight and that we are going to Cottonwood in the morning. She texts back there is a blowup at work may not make the park.

When we are there she texts that she is done and are we still there. I say yes and she stops by. I keep quiet – with the exception of a little teasing about her weight. She is getting thin. I know she is trying to get rid of the belly weight from daughter but her cheeks are starting to get hollow. It’s just not healthy.

When we are there she mentions lunch at chick-fil-a. A veiled invite so we all go. She orders a shake. I guess she is trying to convince me otherwise.

While we are there she is going back and forth from stern to giggly. I make a comment about her missing them and she says that it was nice to have the house quiet, but sometimes it’s too quiet. I let her take the kids for a couple of hours during nap time. She is obviously in need.

Afterwards I come over and we all go to the pool and hang out. Then she cooks dinner and son is melting down over the fact he wants to use ketchup on the polish sausages. Hunter tells him that’s not the condiment for those types of sausages. As he is screaming up to his room and slamming the door I tell her I told him it was ok earlier that day. She goes on about how he needs a nice face to come to dinner.

She spends most of dinner degrading son and daughter. Talk about only buying him one door and taking this one off the hinges. Why can’t daughter eat the cherries with the pit inside? Not very pleasant even though I tell the kids to say thanks multiple times. She goes on about how son spends a lot of time in his room since she doesn’t tolerate this attitude anymore.

Before fireworks son is going on about how he only loves mom – not dad, not sister. I tell Hunter to try and not bankrupt me when she gets full custody. She tells me she isn’t taking about anything, just sitting there and being picked on about her weight. She is so good at playing the victim. Didn’t she give me an std from an extra-marital affair and she is divorcing me now because she will soon to be a Senior Director and I don’t have 50-50 custody because it would cost her?

The fireworks from La Costa resort were great. When we get to her house I say goodnight to the kids and leave. As I’m walking towards the car I hear my daughter cry out. I walk back and she wants to say goodnight again. She won’t let go of the hug. I ask if she wants to come with me. She says yes and after saying goodbye to Hunter we leave. I know that pissed off Hunter.

On the way home I ask daughter why she wanted to come home with me. She tells me she loves me the best and feels safer with me than with Hunter and her brother. I will take what I can get now. Next year I won’t be watching fireworks with these two kids. Just need to keep enjoying the summer and let the future take care of itself.