REVIEW: McDonald’s Mozzarella Sticks

McRibs, McNuggets, McFlurries — I love ‘em all. Want to know the truth? Just slap a “Mc-” prefix in front of any remotely edible substance and I’ll gladly give it a taste. McPossum, anyone?

And that’s why I’m slightly upset that these McDonald’s Mozzarella Sticks aren’t actually called “McMozzSticks” or a similar clumsily-formed name. According to The Wire, these breaded, fried strips of cheese are currently being test-marketed at select McDonald’s restaurants in New Jersey, New York, and Connecticut.

Because I happen to live in the state that gave the world Bruce Springsteen, Tony Soprano, and Teresa Giudice, I’ve been granted the privilege of trying these mozzarella sticks. By the way, do you guys want Teresa Giudice? We’ve had enough of her.

For only a single dollar, I received three tiny mozzarella sticks and a packet of marinara dipping sauce. According to the accompanying cardboard box, the mozzarella sticks are made with “real mozzarella.” I’m glad to see McDonald’s chose to forego using fake mozzarella in their product. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a fake. That’s why I threw out all of my Milli Vanilli CDs, refuse to buy Chanel handbags in Chinatown, and will only look Pamela Anderson straight in the eyes.

Lucky for me, McDonald’s Mozzarella Sticks were nothing but the real deal. The breading was well-seasoned and evident in each bite, but stopped short of overwhelming the mozzarella flavor. Although the mozzarella sticks weren’t hot enough for the cheese inside to ooze, they were still warm enough to be satisfying. The exterior was slightly crisp from the fryer, and each mozzarella stick maintained its shape when handled. Let’s face it — nobody wants a soggy, flaccid cheese stick. (Ladies?)

Though smaller in size than I had anticipated, the mozzarella sticks had exceeded my expectations, rivaling more expensive versions of the same product sold at other chain restaurants. I was ecstatic, floating in a state of cheesy bliss…

Then, I made a mistake.

I dipped my second mozzarella stick into the marinara sauce.

There are no words to describe the pain.

I’ve eaten a lot of McDonald’s products over the years. Many of them were delicious, many of them were tolerable, but very few were truly awful. Alas, this single packet of marinara sauce is the undisputed worst-tasting item I’ve ever experienced at a McDonald’s restaurant. (As a disclaimer, I’ve never tried that strange-looking black hamburger McDonald’s Japan recently launched.)

Each taste of McDonald’s marinara sauce brings to mind overcooked tomato sauce saturated with excessive amounts of oregano in an attempt to cover up the flawed flavor. As opposed to the smooth, tomato essence of a slow-cooked red sauce, McDonald’s marinara is slightly bitter, producing a mild burning sensation at the back of the throat. In short, McDonald’s has failed to replicate any positive aspect of an Italian marinara sauce. Their bastardization would make your little Italian grandmother cry for an hour, beat Ronald McDonald with a rolling pin, and then beat you with a rolling pin — just for good measure.

Disregarding the botched marinara sauce, these McDonald’s mozzarella sticks are worth a try. Sure, they might be small, but their low price makes the temptation of buying twenty-five boxes hard to resist. If these become a regular item on the McDonald’s menu, I will definitely order them again.

But take heed of my warning: if you ever purchase these mozzarella sticks, please, for the love of God, just throw out the sauce.

ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO: Whoever the franchise dealers are that own the McDonald’s on Coors/Hanover; Coors/Quail Rd.; 98th St. have deliberately blocked and taken out all electrical outlets in the whole store so you cannot plug in your computer and use WIFI. Just before that they had put the server/router on a timer to shut on and off to disrupt you when you were on line, many times making you have to re-write your emails when they failed to send as they shut off the WIFI. World wide McDonald’s advertises FREE WIFI in criminal fraud bait and switch to get you to come in and then have no electrical plugins so you buy your food and then have to leave for WIFI elsewhere. I have called, emailed, and written McDonald’s corporate about these problems with their owners of these three restaurants (maybe this is a trend nation wide) and when the managers at the 98th st. Albuquerque McDonald’s realized that it was me that had complained to corporate, they did criminal harassment against me and I had to file a criminal harassment complaint with the Albuquerque Police Department of their rude and vicious behavior. These managers are still at the McDonald’s in Albuquerque on 98th St and Volcano, and the owners are abusing their contracts with McDonald’s Corporate. BOYCOTT THESE McDONALD’S AND DO NOT GO THERE. If all McDonald’s are taking out all electricity stop eating at McDonald’s with their ccriminal “bait and switch” of offering free WIFI and them making it unaccessible. I would hope that as the bad management decisions to drop menu items, that all McDonald’s have a severe drop in business and with their high prices, people need to go “ELSEWHERE”.

Well. — If they advertise free wifi and then don’t deliver it, that’s false advertising and worth spreading the word at least. Can’t imagine it’s costing them much and it is a draw for people. Weird decision. Have they been having problems with the policy?

so they don’t have wifi, or they don’t provide you electricity? why would you need electricity anyway, my laptop stays charged through at least an hour of use, how long do you plan on hanging out at mcdonalds?

I loved this well written excerpt and enjoyed the humor while I munched on my Mcdonalds mozzarella sticks. I just tried them today for the first time and totally agree with you. I was so excited for cheap mozzarella sticks but these fell short of what I wanted. They were just warm, the sauce was overpowering just like you said.

Hey, just a heads up, the mozzarella sticks do not have any experience in the fryer, actually! (In response to the “slightly crisp from the fryer” statement). Like McDonalds’ apple and seasonal pies and cookies, the mozzarella sticks are baked (in the same oven actually). As far as the marinara sauce goes; personally, I quite enjoy it. However, several customers while I was working at McDonald’s, as well as members of staff, would experiment with the other dipping sauces (such as for the nuggets). Buffalo was a real crowd pleaser.

Wow! These have a strong garlic odor and taste. I was NOT expecting that from Mc Donald’s. It was too much for me, and I gave away the other 2 sticks. If you are sensitive to garlic you may not like these! I took the reviewer’s advice and didn’t even open the marinara sauce 🙂

Matt…. i just read your hilarious article dating back from november 2014…. I am sure you are a true McDonalds Epert but not a real expert according to fake or real:

There is indeed fake mozzarella my man. That is made from ordinairy cow dairy. The “REAL” mozzarella is made from milk of the water buffalo. Try it yourself at home:

I tried to find an English recipe for you to try but you guys uses cheese sticks from mozzarella sticks (fake mozarella that is) etc… so find yourself a quality Italian Deli and ask for Buffalo Mozzarella or mozzarella di bufala

I actually quite like the sauce.
On a whim, I decided to try a mash up today with the cheesesticks and marinara on a hot and spicy.
It actually came out quite good! It might be better on the homestyle chicken sandwich, but the hot and spicy is cheaper.

I actually found the marinara sauce to be quite good. But the mozzarella sticks themselves were just ridiculous, the size of something found in Barbie’s Dreamhouse–at first, I thought I was being punked, until I realized that this really was what I had been given. And in my area, it’s 3 mini-sticks for $1.50, adding insult to industry. If McDonald’s thinks that this is going to benefit its eroding standing in the market, it’s just crazy . . . .

I had my first shot at the mozzarella sticks today. There was literally no cheese in the middle of these hollowed-out sticks except a bit that stuck to the sides. It was exactly like eating crust and air. The marinara was really bad as well. I will go to Sonic the next time I want some tasty mozzarella sticks.

Went to the McDonalds in Hurst Texas on Pipeline Rd. right by the North East Mall. First time we got the cheese sticks, we had 2 orders and 1 stick out of each order had no cheese in it. The second time we ordered it, we got home, opened the box and only 2 in the box. Really? Fool me once…won’t be back to this store, ever.

I first would like to comment on the outlet complaint regarding free wifi. Who today brings an electrical chord to any restaurant to plug in any electronic device? Do you not think that can be an electrical hazard for the restaurant? Then if there should happen to be a fire due to a faulty chord You would be suing McDonald’s!!!! I’m sure you don’t plug your laptop at home but use the battery as you should at any place that offers free wifi!