Love is

I didn't give you the gift of life, But in my heart I know. The love I feel is deep and real, As if it had been so.

For us to have each other Is like a dream come true! No, I didn't give you The gift of life, Life gave me the gift of you. --- Unknown

Friday, November 15, 2013

I am so over it...

I am exhausted and emotional today, but I have promised to always be real on this blog. So here goes... We have hit a roadblock. There is a glitch in Ch*na's system that seems to only randomly hit some, while others glide through untouched. We got hit... Our second match was a surprise and came super late, but it looked like her paperwork could be rushed through to catch up with her big brothers. Things were going well, Pre-approval took longer than it should have, but we were moving. Now along with some other families Ch*na is saying they have a rule change, funny this new rule only effects some people. There are other families in China and going to China soon with the same scenario as us , and they did not have to comply with this new rule. The problem is, someone is messing up and assigning separate numbers to our second match, this should not be, they should have the same number as our first match. Because of this it looks in the system like we need a second dossier. Which means backtracking and adding on several months and a lot more money in courier and authentication fees. Our agency is fighting this, but so far they aren't budging. We cannot continue to watch the amount we owe grow, while fundraisers fail miserably. I know I sound whiney, I know I seem weak... and today that's exactly how I feel. I am sad and angry and disappointed. I don't know why every single step has to be so hard, I ache because my children are growing up without me. My son will be 5 in April, I want him home before they baby is all gone and the boy fully emerges. He has no language at all and has never heard a sound. Everyday that passes without him being given words is increasing the struggle he will have to learn and catch up. My daughter is in need of intervention for her hearing, and every second lost is precious time her brain can never get back. Most hearing professionals see 2 as the window for a child to get the most benefit from aides/ surgeries, ect. Most of all they need family, they need to know and be told they are priceless.

Heres the worst part, today I am sad and angry at God... (gasp... really, no she didn't... how dare she) I have prayed and prayed and I know He hears me and sees. I know He has the power to move mountains, He has the ability to connect us to the right people and resources to get us fully funded, yet He is silent. I am angry that people who love God are more concerned about saving a building than the lives of two precious children. I am angry that people who say they love me and my kids would rather sit around and pass judgement on us because they don't agree with who or what or how or where we are adopting/ fund raising, and that those same people won't do anything to help. Funny it is always the people on the sidelines who are criticizing the ones in the game.

Ultimately here is what I know. I am not God. I cannot see what He sees, nor know what He knows. I know that even though I get hurt/angry/disappointed at Him, I will always ALWAYS choose to trust Him. I know that in the end I will hold my babies, even if it is longer and harder than I want or feel I can handle. I know that every moment, every tear, every heartbreak is worth it. Because Elijah and Eva are worth it! They are valuable and precious and priceless, just like every other child. I now that God has placed beautiful wonderful people in my life, and I will cry on their shoulder, and their prayers will carry me through, and I will rise... dust myself off and go on to fight again.

Elijah and Eva, Mommy and Daddy promise you this... We will succeed, we will get the funds somewhere somehow, and we will bring you home.

God, I choose to trust you, past the fear, and the pain and the anger. You are my Father, and I know you love me, and my babies (even more than I do)... I will never let go of your hand.

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About Me

We are the Ferguson family, we are on a journey through the world of adoption and orphan care. We are learning and growing everyday. We have six amazing children Ashlyn, Destin , Ariana, Elijah Aubrey and Eva. We have another sweet boy in our family, but cannot share much about him yet :) This blog was designed as a place to share information about our journey. We would love for you to follow us, and maybe you to will find you are called to bring home your own little miracle.

My Babies...

Priceless treasures

Orphan Scriptures

Deuteronomy 10:18 He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing amoung you, giving them food and clothing.

Deuteronomy 24:19-22 When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the alien, the fatherless and the widow. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this.

Deuteronomy 26:12 & 13 When you have finished setting aside a tenth of all your produce in the third year, the year of the tithe, you shall give it to the Levite, the alien, the fatherless and the widow, so that they may eat in your towns and be satisfied. Then say to the LORD your God: "I have removed from my house the sacred portion and have given it to the Levite, the alien, the fatherless and the widow, according to all you commanded. I have not turned aside from your commands nor have I forgotten any of them.

Deuteronomy 27:19 Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow." Then all the people shall say, "Amen!"

Ephesians 1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Isaiah 1:17 learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. [fn] Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after the orphan and widow in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Jeremiah 22:3 This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of his oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the alien, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place.

John 14:18 I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you

Psalm 10:14 But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits himself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.

Psalm 10:17&18 You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

Psalm 146:9 The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

Psalm 68: 5&6 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Psalm 82:3 Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.

Zechariah 7:10 Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor. In your hearts do not think evil of each other.'