Just a piece

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TallyRoot Admin

Posts : 1369Join date : 2012-01-21Location : Surreality

Subject: Just a piece Thu Jun 07, 2012 8:24 pm

This is just a piece of a story that includes the origin of Tally Nokoribi, the character I created long ago, before I got into AE games. This is not a story written by me, just a piece of a collaborative roleplay.

Quote :

A dark figure stood in the cave, not far from Tally, smirking darkly beneath a hood. He stepped forward slowly, purposefully, to the location she was standing. He was just behind her, and he tapped her on the shoulder, speaking in a cold, high whisper.

You should remember me, Tally....I was the one who helped you leave your old village.....

He smirked darkly again, his red hair looking even more so because of the way the flame in Tally's hand played across his features. He circled her, looking her up and down, and again spoke.

I've been keeping a close eye on you....You have promise....Natural gifts....You just need a good teacher....I can provide that....

He said enticingly. His voice was like music, almost a seductive quality to it. But if one listened closely, there was a darkness behind it as well...An eerie hiss of a tone, almost imperceptible... But there nevertheless.

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♠The Queen of Spades has spoken♠

Last edited by Tally on Wed Jun 27, 2012 11:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

TallyRoot Admin

Posts : 1369Join date : 2012-01-21Location : Surreality

Subject: Re: Just a piece Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:19 pm

Part I

A young woman sat in a wooden chair. She looked to be in her late teens, possibly early twenties. Her deep red hair was tied into a high, somewhat spiky ponytail. She wore neutral colored, worn-looking clothes, and a bright red scarf torn at the ends.I'm going to tell you a story. But I warn you, it's not a pretty one.She crossed her legs, then uncrossed them. Adjusted herself comfortably, and began:Years ago, as a child, I lived in a village far away from here. It was a lovely place...surrounded by mountains, built by the mouth of a river. Beyond the village gates was forest, wilderness. And beyond that, other towns in the distance. We took care of ourselves there, with the help of business from travelling merchants. Things were peaceful for a long time. Until the Bad People came.At this point she leaned forward a bit. I call them that simply because they are too vile a group to refer to by their group's name. Imagine them how you want; a foreign militia, a group of bandits, whatever.She sat back again and continued:These people, monsters...they came into my village, they used violence. They threatened, tortured, and murdered people. Within a short amount of time, they had taken over. They practically enslaved our people. Forced them to do hard labor, any earnings from jobs or merchant trades were handed over, and they forced many people to travel to other towns, putting themselves in danger to unwillingly take over more land. My parents were included in that unfortunate group of people. They came home every now and then, stained in blood, looking like shells of people who once were. One day, they never came back.

~~~

Part II

The girl paused for a moment before continuing.Just like many other people who went missing during the raids, my parents were declared dead. As likely as that may have been, there was still no effort in it. No searches, no information gathering, they didn't even bother to recover the bodies. They were just gone.Her grip seemed to tighten a little bit, and her eyes narrowed.Well, at that point I was just a 12 year old girl with a house to herself in that hell of a village. And the Bad People, they were greedy. So they kicked me out on the street and took my house, one of the last things I had, for themselves. I would've loved to just leave, maybe move to somewhere not ruled by tyrants. But no, they wouldn't allow anyone to leave, just in case they needed more replaceable soldiers. Heh... She made a small chuckle and smiled sadly as she continued.Now, being an orphan on the streets of a corrupt town doesn't offer too much for a kid. Naturally, I did what I had to in order to survive. So I became a thief. The woman smirked, looking smug at this statement.I was great at it too. Pick pocketing, lock picking, breaking into houses, you name it. At first all I did was steal bits of food off of food stands, but then I learned that I could easily take stuff and sell it... One day I saved up enough for this real nice dagger.

Quote :

A young girl in tattered garments and a new red scarf walked down a dirty alleyway leading onto the main street. She fiddled with a dagger, rubbing her thumb against the smooth part on the edge of the handle. There was someone leaning against the wall just by the entrance of the alley. It appeared to be a man in a black cloak, and he had a marvelous dagger of his own sheathed at his side, the encrusted gemstones gleaming in her red eyes. Slowly, she approached him. He had his back turned, and was an easy target in this alley. She stealthily held the blade to his neck, and demanded him not to move as she reached for his blade.

This....this was probably my first greatest mistake.

~~~

Part III

Quote :

Before she could even register what was happening, she was slammed against the stone wall of the alley; a cold, sharp piece of metal resting on her neck, and her own new dagger on the ground several feet away.Don't do that again. said the man in the cloak. He released her and she lunged for her dagger, then faced him in a defensive stance. But when she looked at him, something was off. The air around him seemed visible, and moved in waves. Like the waves you see in the air on a hot day. Not only that, but his eyes glowed under his hood.Magic... she murmured. Magic was a rare thing in the land, many people didn't even believe it existed. Little is actually known about it, but there are rumored to be many different types that do all sorts of horrible things. This is bad, she thought. She was thinking over her options: she could try to attack him again, but that would just result in the same thing as a moment ago. She could fake being the victim, and call out for help from the main street, but half of her own possessions were stolen, and if the cloaked man testified that she attacked first, the guards would probably believe him. Or, she could run. She had decided that the latter would be best, but before she could the man spoke again.Such a shame, that even the children here resort to petty thievery. And where are your parents?The girl glared at him, pondering whether or not to risk attacking him again.None of your business. she growled back.Ah. Another one of those, are you? The man pulled back his hood, and smiled. He looked to be in his early twenties, had dark red-brown hair, and blue-grey eyes.I'm Amatok. Amatok the Illusionist. I believe I can help you. He held out his hand.The girl still glared, but became curious. Could he get her out of that place? She sheathed her dagger and shook his hand.Tally.

The woman closed her eyes, sighed, and shook her head.And so he did. There was a bit of a scuffle at first, and a few guards dropped to the ground. I don't know what he did to them..but they looked terrified. I never asked though, just kept running. Once we were far enough away from the gates, we parted. He said "I do hope we'll meet again," and vanished. I, myself, went to the Valkyrja Mountains.

~~~

Part IV

Quote :

The girl clutched onto her dagger hilt with one hand, and her scarf with the other. The snow was getting heavier, and the horizon became a blinding white. The Valkyrja Mountains. A rugged mountain range notorious for harboring thieves, fugitives, and rogues. Rogues...I'm one of them now. She thought back to the scene she and the man had caused back at the village gates. She thought about how they had seen her face, how she was labelled as an enemy to them.Good...it's about time they realized.Tally took hold of her red scarf and wrapped it like a hood over her head. She'd need to find shelter, somewhere to set up a sort of base. After what seemed like hours of wandering those icy slopes, the snow started to fade. The layers of ice and snow she walked on eventually became rock, then dirt. There was a clearing up ahead, she could make out a flat area near the edge of a cliff.

I made a nice little home for myself there. Well, if you can call my old half-cave/half-wooden shack a home. That clearing overlooked part of the Great Valley. Do you know what that means? she paused for a moment. It means the road. That road that travelers and caravans went on. Innocent travelers. -she said bluntly. Tally continued:I often journeyed down the cliffs when I saw someone coming down the road. It wasn't my fault, they should've known. It was the Valkyrja Mountains, after all. I raided every last caravan, and killed every traveler I encountered. Whether it was from lighting a torch and setting the things on fire, pushing boulders down from the cliff, or getting up close with my dagger, it always happened. I was 13. She had no emotion as she confessed her past deeds.Every once in a while, I would encounter another..."native" of the Valkyrjas. But it was odd, most of us had a mutual relationship. We didn't mess with them, they didn't mess with us. But we all kept our distance anyway.I did what I had to though. I was in hiding, I guess you could say. I took all the usable materials I could from the remains of my raids. One day, though, I found something curious. A pamphlet-no..an announcement. An invitation. It was an invitation to join a contest. The contest was to be held in Skáli, the center of corruption.. she looked down for a moment, and began again after regaining her composure. And the reward, ohh the reward. The reward was being given the honor of meeting the leader of-Tally stopped herself, and narrowed her eyes.-of the Bad People. She laughed; a short, almost hysterical cackle. I think you can guess what I did. I packed some travel supplies the next day and headed towards this exciting game..

~~~

Part V

It took a couple days to get there, but I knew I had arrived at the right place when I saw it. It was flurrying when I arrived at a walled-in city, with cold, stone streets. No grass, no trees, towering structures with horrible black smog coming out, a stench of pollution in the streets, beggars sat on the side of the streets while snobby aristocrats scorned them while passing by in their horse-drawn carriages. Guards beat the impoverished thieves who stole no more than a rotten apple. But at the center of it all was a gargantuan arena, where its corrupt denizens watched all sorts of "entertainment." Skáli.

Quote :

Tally kept her scarf wrapped around her head and looked down as she passed by guards on her way to the arena. She flashed the invitation to the guard directing a line of people inside, there were about 50 people total. They were led inside the building section of the arena and split up into groups of 10. Tally's group was taken to a room, and the door closed.

The room was cold, she remarked with a frown. The walls were white and plain, and there was that sterile smell in the air. The kind you smell at hospitals, when drugs and sterilization try to mask the scent of blood. A sickening sterile smell..

Quote :

A grey-haired man with a permanent scowl stood at the front of the room and started his introduction. You are here, to compete for a chance to meet the Lord of Skáli, and to be recruited into our forces. Tally became stiff for a moment. She didn't read anything about that last part on the flyer.It doesn't matter. If I do win, I won't stick around long enough for that. she thought.There is but one objective, and that it to find your way out of the arena. Be the first to do so, and you win. It sounded simple enough, but obviously missing the details of the obstacles. The man continued, If you would each please place your belongings in the box in the center. Not to worry, you may have them back at the end...if you return. Tally glared at the container before dropping her supply bag and her dagger into it.Great, what else is gonna go "according to plan"?Thank you. Now before we begin, I must remind you that we are not liable for anything that happens to you in the arena. It was your choice to compete. He grimaced at them all as Tally felt a needle puncture her arm and fell to the floor.

Drugging us was such a lovely way to greet us, yeah? Tch...anyway, I woke up probably an hour later. Or maybe several hours, I'll never know.

Quote :

The first thing she noticed as she opened her eyes was the darkness. What the..Tally got up slowly and adjusted herself to the lack of light.A cave...how did- Then she remembered the white room.Oh come on! They really had to knock us out?! She thought about punching the wall but reconsidered when she saw the cold, hard rockiness. Is this a real cave? All inside the arena? Maybe they used magic..eh.She remembered the main objective: win. She had to find a way out to do that.

Okay...mother had taught me how to make a light in my hand once, just in case I got lost in the woods. She held out her hand with her palm facing upward, closed her eyes tight and waited. She flinched when she felt something singe her hand.Ow..well it's progress. I'll get it. Again she closed her eyes and focused, but reopened them to stare at the small flame in her hand. A few seconds later it burned her hand and went out.Ow! okay one more. Tally repeated the process, but waited a whole minute before opening her eyes again. When she did, there was her palm-candle.

Yeah, that little moment of triumph didn't last too long. She narrowed her eyes and continued.

Quote :

A dark figure stood in the cave, not far from Tally, smirking darkly beneath a hood. He stepped forward slowly, purposefully, to the location she was standing. He was just behind her, and he tapped her on the shoulder, speaking in a cold, high whisper.You should remember me, Tally....I was the one who helped you leave your old village.....He smirked darkly again, his red hair looking even more so because of the way the flame in Tally's hand played across his features. He circled her, looking her up and down, and again spoke. I've been keeping a close eye on you....You have promise....Natural gifts....You just need a good teacher....I can provide that....He said enticingly. His voice was like music, almost a seductive quality to it. But if one listened closely, there was a darkness behind it as well...An eerie hiss of a tone, almost imperceptible... But there nevertheless.Tally stared at Amatok. She thought she had her guard up, but she didn't even hear his footsteps. She felt uneasy, so she took a step back.I appreciate you helping me get to the Valkyrja Mountains, but I think I'll be fine without a teacher...thanks for the offer, but I really should be going now. She started to walk around him, trying not to make any sudden moves.

That was my second greatest mistake.Her face was serious, and she looked a bit disturbed. If you looked closely, you could see a trace of fear.

Quote :

Amatok smirked darkly, and appeared just in front of her, laughing evilly. He pulled the hood back from over his head, letting his face be seen. His features were sharp, defined. His mouth a twisted grin. He was evil, and there was no question of it.You disappoint me, Tally. No matter. I have something for you, anyways.He grabbed her arm, and plunged his fingers, three of them, into the side of her neck. It was like a stinging, poisoned current of energy shot through her. And went straight to her eyes.He removed his hand and chuckled. You'll thank me for this later. He then spun rapidly, flinging her far down the cave. He walked away, laughing to himself...

~End of Part V~

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Last edited by Tally on Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:43 pm; edited 8 times in total

Hm. I'm getting a horror story vibe from the beginning. Perhaps it might be the side effects of my medication though ^.^ would you like constructive feedback, additional ideas, and whatnot? I like how you started it. I'm also feeling some subtle signs exuded by the woman. I'm assuming she's a bit vexed, perhaps perturbed? Correct me if I'm wrong, nevertheless, I'm curious as to what occurs next in her story.

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TallyRoot Admin

Posts : 1369Join date : 2012-01-21Location : Surreality

Subject: Re: Just a piece Wed Aug 01, 2012 3:20 am

A horror story, possibly. Constructive criticism is welcome, yeah. And you're correct, she most certainly would be vexed when telling this story. I guess I succeeded in communicating her discomfort through her body language.

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Wed Aug 01, 2012 10:32 pm

Part 2 is edited in there now.

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DarkXZero

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:15 am

I really like the colloquial tone of it. Her diction, actions, etc reveals quite a bit about her. What I'm wondering is who she is talking with? Just us, the general audience? And why she is telling the story... I'm quite curious to know what happens next and a little bit more details lol. Carry on.

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sat Aug 11, 2012 6:08 pm

Oh, the where and why will be explained later

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sat Aug 11, 2012 8:20 pm

Part 3 is edited in there.

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DarkXZero

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Mon Aug 27, 2012 3:12 am

Keep it coming. I like how the story is forming, especially the peripheral plot. My only complaint is the name of the mountains, and that's only because of personal bias.

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Wed Sep 12, 2012 10:44 pm

Part 4 is up~and here's a mixed soundtrack video. Just for your entertainment. Some parts match portions of the story better than others. P.S- it's about 30 minutes long.

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Dragonscar789Member

Posts : 394Join date : 2012-08-08Location : in the darkside

Subject: Re: Just a piece Thu Sep 13, 2012 6:18 am

Ok when's the next part coming its really interesting.nice story Tally

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Fri Sep 14, 2012 10:28 pm

Whenever I decide to write it xD

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DarkXZero

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sun Sep 16, 2012 1:32 am

Excuse me, but have I heard this plot somewhere before? It seems somewhat familiar. Keep it coming. Reminds me of Hunger Games in a way (third book). And I'd like to know some more about the bad people if it's not asking too much/

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sun Sep 16, 2012 1:42 am

I dun think so, unless I'm subconsciously getting pieces from somewhere else o.o and I guess there are a few Hunger Game themes, but that part of her story was written over a year ago xD before the movie came out. (I didn't know the plot of the books until then)

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Dragonscar789Member

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Sun Sep 16, 2012 5:15 am

Hunger games?iwonder if I can watch it O.O

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DarkXZero

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Mon Oct 08, 2012 5:20 am

You subconscious plagiarizer >.> after hearing that part, we can no longer be friends. U wrote this a year ago? And now ur holding out on storytime

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Dragonscar789Member

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Mon Oct 08, 2012 6:56 am

Wow dark,be patient,only through patience may we gain the better xD *Turns in to a old man with a awesomely long beard* xD

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Mon Oct 15, 2012 10:46 pm

PART 5 IS UP.By the way, for that music video I posted on the first page, I thought of 12:18-13:20 when I was imagining Skáli.

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DarkXZero

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Tue Oct 16, 2012 6:55 pm

Oh. I ignored you music video and listened to the mermaid chair theme while reading it. I enjoyed part V the best so far, because it seemed you changed your writing style a bit. Great job. I can't wait for the next part and find out the effects of Amatok's three finger death... plunge.

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VanitiasAdmin

Posts : 2814Join date : 2012-01-24Location : its cold here

Subject: Re: Just a piece Wed Jan 16, 2013 5:27 pm

of tallys character with the 2 eyes she mentioned once before is this a good representation

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TallyRoot Admin

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Subject: Re: Just a piece Wed Jan 16, 2013 7:00 pm

Hmm. For just the eyes, kinda yeah xD but the blue-er eye for Tally is blue-grey, not as vibrant. Her other eye is a duller red when not activated, almost pinkish(the same eye colors on my HS custom char). When activated, it's pretty much that kinda of red.

I haven't updated my story in a while. It's all pre-planned, but I don't feel like taking the time to post it here unless people comment so I know it's being read xD