When Lois' wealthy aunt dies unexpectedly, the Griffins inherit her extravagant mansion. Although his family doesn't want to relocate, Peter is eager to enter the ranks of the upper classes and moves them onto the estate. Revenue from the sale of the Griffins' old house goes to the live-in servants, who haven't been paid in months. Caught up in the spirit of his new social standing, Peter bids ten million dollars at the Historical Society for a work of art, offering to trade his mansion for the piece. It is revealed, however, that the mansion used to be a whorehouse and is not worth any significant amount. A commoner once again, Peter finds that his family still loves him.

Peter's dad is forced to retire from the mill. A stern workaholic, the elder Griffin does not take retirement well. When Peter and Lois suggest that he come spend some time with them, Peter's dad agrees, and Peter gets excited at the prospect of bonding with his father. But the new living arrangement doesn't go according to plan: In addition to being a workaholic, Peter's dad is also a control freak. He tells the children what TV shows they can watch, tells Peter how to spend his free time and instructs Lois on how to raise the kids. Peter decides that the best way to get closer to his father is to bring him along to the toy factory, but this plan also backfires. Peter's boss is impressed by the retiree's work ethic and hires him as a foreman, ensuring widespread misery at the plant. After Peter's dad increases work hours and implements strict rules, Peter is desperate to make him quit, and tries to convince him to participate in a plot to kidnap the Pope. The Pontiff is also impressed by the retiree's ambition, and offers him yet another job.

Peter is paranoid about the end of the world and makes the family cancel all their New Year's Eve '99 plans. For once, he is right about something: On January 1st, 2000, bombs destroy every structure in the world, except for a surprisingly sturdy Twinkie factory. The Griffins set out to find the factory, but along the way Stewie is kidnapped by a band of mutants. The episode ends with Victoria Principal telling Patrick Duffy that she just had a dream in which she saw a crazy episode of Family Guy.

After cleaning up more than few pee stains around the house, Lois thinks it may be time to potty-train Stewie. Stewie, outraged that he's being blamed for the carpet stains, totally resists Peter's efforts to train him. Meanwhile, Brian knows the truth - that he's the one responsible for the "accidents." Mortified, he continues to blame Stewie, until an accident in the grocery store reveals his messy little secret. Brian goes to a therapist who suggests a European (you're-a-pee-n?) vacation to ease Brian's stress. Not until he returns from his travels does Brian realize the true source of his problem - his secret crush on Lois!

When their Who's the Boss float takes top prize in the Quahog Harvest Day Parade, the neighborhood literally goes to war over who gets custody of the trophy. Meanwhile, in an effort to get big tips at her new waitressing job, Meg tells customers that Stewie is her illegitimate crack baby. When family services investigates, and finds the Griffin home in the middle of a war zone, they take custody of Stewie. Once everyone finds out that Stewie's in foster care, the neighborhood declares peace and plots a rescue mission.

After Lois discovers a lump in Peter's breast, he lands in the hospital. He's okay, until the whopping bill arrives! To avoid payment, Peter fools the hospital into thinking he's dead. As a result, Death pays a visit to the Griffin home. While Stewie is excited to meet his idol, the rest of the family doesn't want Peter to go--especially Peter! A chase ensues and Death is injured. While He recuperates, Peter is forced to take over Death's unpopular duties.

Lois is named the new artistic director of the Quahog Players theatre group and decides to direct The King and I as her first production. Peter wants to be a star and becomes such a nuisance that Lois makes him a producer to get him out of her hair. He goes on a major power trip and soon wrestles total control away from Lois, kicking her off the production team all together! Peter soon realizes his vision by turning the musical into a racy cyborg battle, complete with bikini-clad dancing girls.

Peter starts telling inappropriate jokes at work and a female coworker sues him for harassment. Forced to go on a retreat for women, Peter resists at first. After two weeks, however, the effects of female bonding kick in and Peter becomes a sensitive male. Back at home, no one finds Peter's new "female" behavior charming, least of all Lois. Sure, the cuddling in bed is nice, but when Peter tries to breast-feed Stewie, Lois starts getting annoyed. When they both attend a women's charity dinner, Lois and the guest speaker get into a knock-down, drag-out fight--and Peter gets so turned on by the "chick" wrestling, he snaps out of his female phase.

When Peter's favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, faces cancellation, he takes drastic measures to save it. Using Chris as bait for "The Make-A-Dream-Come-True" Foundation, Peter tells them that Chris' dying wish is that the show be renewed. But when the Foundation arrives to check up on Chris' "tumorsyphillis-itis-osis", Peter panics and tells them that Chris was miraculously cured. Word spreads of the "miracle" and Peter becomes the "Miracle Healer of Quahog." Of course, Peter loves the attention and Lois thinks it's immoral to live such a lie. When the Griffins become mysteriously plagued by everything from locusts to bloody bathwater, Lois forces Peter to end the charade.

Lois decides to run for the school board, which thrills Stewie who will be somewhat unsupervised during her campaign. Lois runs unopposed until Peter joins the race in order to get his favorite teacher reinstated. He immediately starts negative campaigning that spreads lies about Lois and shows sexy photos of her.. His tactics work and Peter is elected. His first order of business is to replace the hall monitors with robots. Ultimately, his new policies backfire when Peter allows Chris to bring porno mags to school and protests erupt. Peter must publicly apologize in order to win Lois back and save face with the town of Quahog.

During a birthday visit to Funland, Peter runs into a former classmate who founded the amusement park. Peter starts to think he won't have a great legacy like Funland to leave once he dies. Chris gives Peter a painting to cheer him up, and Peter sells it to a New York gallery for five grand. Deciding that Chris is his only hope for a legacy, Peter moves the family to New York so Chris can become a famous artist.

In an effort to up her popularity, Meg has a slumber party. However, the night is disrupted by the embarrassing antics of both Lois and Peter. Mortified, Meg takes the family on a talk show where they are "discovered" by network execs. The Griffins become a TV sensation when they are followed around by cameras 24-hours a day in a show called "The Real Griffins." Soon after the show's premiere, executives decide that Meg is too boring and have her recast with a slutty teen girl.

When Stewie begins causing trouble at his grandparents' house in Palm Springs, Brian offers to go across country to bring him home. But as Brian drinks in an airport bar, Stewie manages to lose the airline tickets, forcing them to road trip back to Quahog. Along the way, they stop at the puppy mill in Austin where Brian was born. After finding out that his mother has died, been stuffed, and now serves as a table, Brian and Stewie manage to steal the table (er, Mom) to give her a proper burial.

When the kids at Quahog High discover that licking toads will get them high, Peter poses as a student at Meg's school to narc out the young offenders. But the undercover work goes a little too well -- Peter soon finds himself the big man on campus, living the high school life he always wanted but never got. Next thing you know, Peter's going to the big school dance with Meg's rival Connie, the most popular girl in school.

Fearing that Stewie has no social skills, Lois places him in daycare. Stewie hates the bureaucracy of the playground until he sets his eyes on doe-eyed toddler, Janet. While he tries various ways to impress her, he finally wins her over by sharing his cookies. Meanwhile, Lois now has nothing to do all day so Peter talks her into becoming a flight attendant. Peter's ulterior motive is to take advantage of the free travel - and he promptly starts abusing the privilege. When Peter and Lois land on the same flight, Peter's game is over! Unfortunately the plane is highjacked and forced to land in Cuba, where Peter and Lois remained stranded. After a trip to the local black market, the gain passage back to the U.S. on a lifeboat filled with refugees.

Peter and Lois go to buy a second car, but when Peter refuses to listen to Lois's good advice, they end up buying a lemon. Peter gets an offer from the mob to steal his crappy car so he can get insurance to pay for another one, and despite warnings from his friend, he takes the deal. Of course, shortly thereafter, the mob comes to Peter to ask for a favor. The Don asks Peter to take his annoying nephew, Big Fat Paulie, out to the movies. Big Fat Paulie ends up coming home for dinner with Peter, and pissing off the entire Griffin family. Peter tells Paulie that he can't hang out with him anymore because Lois doesn't like him, so Paulie takes out a hit on Lois.

Due to Brian's embarrassing flea problem, the Griffin's move into a hotel while the house if fumigated. Lois and Peter soon discover that Chris has been skipping gym class because he's self-conscious about his body. Peter tries to talk Chris into getting liposuction, while Lois starts preparing him special low fat meals. Stewie starts taunting Chris by eating everything in sight, and starts packing on the baby fat. Even though Chris isn't up for surgery, Peter decides to go for it. The new, svelte Peter has Lois all hot and bothered. Peter loves the results of his lipo and decides to have some work done on his face. The new, handsome Peter starts getting all sorts of special treatment: at the gym, at the grocery store, even from total strangers. Lois doesn't like the new Peter's attitude, especially when he joins "The Beautiful People's Club." Karma catches up to Peter while he's on his way to the club. Unable to take his eyes off himself, Peter plunges his car over a cliff. The nasty fall - and subsequent crash-landing into a large vat of lard - leaves him horribly disfigured (ie: back to normal).

It's tax refund season, and everyone's cashing in except Peter! Tired of watching his neighbors buy expensive toys, Peter decides to get an accountant that can net him a profit. Satisfied that the new CPA will get him a huge refund, Peter announces to the family that he's going to use the money to put in a pool. While excitement at the Griffin house grows, Peter goes to get a building permit. He's shocked to learn that the city codes do not allow swimming pools. Outraged, Peter digs deeper (so to speak) and learns that the county has no record of his land. Armed with this new info, Peter decides to declare his land a country and make himself the president!

After an interview at Brown University, Meg realizes she needs more extra-curricular activities to gain entrance to this prestigious school. She joins every club and even tries cheerleading, but fails miserably at them all. Finally, she decides to join the school newspaper. Her journalism career goes nowhere, until Peter fabricates a story regarding actor Luke Perry. Peter writes a gossipy article, but uses Meg's byline. When the article is published it creates a sensation, because Peter claimed Luke Perry was gay. Meg and Peter soon become embroiled in a headline-grabbing lawsuit when Luke sues them for defamation of character.

When the local brewery has a contest offering tours of the plant, Peter and his friends go on a drinking binge trying to find the winning beer can. Through a stroke of dumb luck, Peter and Brian actually find one of the winning "scrolls". In a Willy Wonka homage, Peter and Brian start the tour, but are quickly kicked out after breaking the rules. Meanwhile, Lois's students have a big piano recital/competition coming up - and Lois is praying one of her students wins. She thinks she's got a lock on it when she signs a new student, Ling, a piano prodigy. However, in her enthusiasm, Lois works Ling too hard and she drops out! In an odd twist, Peter - in a drunken stupor over being booted from the contest - sits down at the piano and plays brilliantly! Lois is thrilled and keeps Peter drunk long enough to win the piano recital.

After a father-son camping trip, Peter realizes how irresponsible Chris is after raccoons steal their food and their car. Back at home, Peter gets Chris a job at the local golf course to try and teach him to be more responsible. Chris is content to just pick up golf balls, until he discovers that Peter has entered the father-son golf tournament, with Cleveland Jr.! Discouraged that Peter is focusing all his attention on Cleveland Jr., Chris rebels by hanging out with Quagmire at strip clubs. Ultimately, Cleveland Jr. abandons Peter who recruits Chris at the last minute. However, when they lose, Peter must deal with an angry group of gamblers who put money on Cleveland Jr. Despite all the recent heartache, Chris gives his dad his first paycheck in order to save his butt!

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