/m/omnichatter

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In some mad universe, a scientist has spliced together Gerrit Cole and Cole Hamels into Gerrit Cole Hamels, the ultimate pitcher.

Ambidextrous, no less.

EDIT: Gah--coke to Bourbon Samurai.

Also, I'm too lazy to leaf through yesterday's OMNICHAT; what's the quick and easy version of the Kozma legend? I always assumed it had something to do with the infield fly call in last year's WC game.

Short version:
- Non-Cardinals fans hate him because he is terrible and yet manages to beat them, thus exemplifying everything infuriating about the Cardinals.
- Cardinals fans hate him because he's terrible and they have to watch him be terrible.

I didn't start it, but regardless I'm just one of a few Nationals fans who use Pete Kozma to symbolize and crystallize our bitterness over losing the 2012 NLDS Game 5 to the Cardinals. Kozma's overachieving performance came at the perfect time to smite the Nats, while he has fallen back to Earth this year. He could have reversed that curve and stunk last year during the playoffs while improving this year, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So f@ck the little weasel!

I think Cardinals fans saying the same thing do so for different reasons; you can poll them for that.

Since it is limited in scope and likely to diminish over time rather than spread like genes, it's not a meme as far as I can tell. That won't stop me from typing it as long as his little weasel face is out on the field, however. I hope the Pirates shove it so far up his 54 OPS+ butt that he has to open his mouth to let it out. So there. I feel much better now.

#123 - I'm trying not to take it too far, but as I said I did not start it and it did not originate in these OMNICHATTERs (which are a great idea, btw). Having grown up in D.C. I follow the Nationals and a number of "effervescent" and erudite fans on Twitter. The "F. Pete Kozma" thing started among them, but maybe it is a meme after all if it spread to here.

So that tmobile ad with the mugger was close to my own recent experience. I was mugged by two kids in my neighborhood, but they didn't bother taking anything when they realized my tablet was a Nook, my wallet was empty, and my phone was old and busted. I was really hoping they'd at least take the phone.

Here I was thinking that Mattheny should be fired for starting Lynn today and Kelly in the next game, making it a 2-1 series automatically (but yeah Pirates, amirite?), but now I see that the Rays will be starting Hellickson in their game 4. I thought Joe Maddon was a good manager. What's going on here?

I'm gonna call a Red Sox sweep--yes, this is Yankee fan pessimism, but absolutely everything has been going right for the Sox all year; I've abandoned my "they have high-80 win true talent" position...

No, I'd have gone with him at least one more inning, and if he got through the 7th quickly, send him out for the 8th. He threw 86 pitches, was hitting 100 his last inning, and he's not enough worse a hitter than Gaby Sanchez to justify pinch hitting for him with a 5-run lead.

Hey, guys, remember that both Joe West and CB Bucknor will be umps during the Tigers-A's series, which is odd, since I could have sworn that in the past they'd actually removed Bucknor from a postseason assignment after a bad call brought heavier scrutiny.