The Cool Caf Credo

PublishedNovember 12, 2012

The Ontario Secondary School Teachers Federation is ramping up its labour action once again. My kids’ after-school clubs and sports have already been curtailed as a result of the labour action initiated in September and now I have heard that teachers may refrain from hallway and cafeteria supervision as this activity is not part of the essential functions of teaching and marking.

Rather than wade into a polemic debate, I thought I would wade into the high school cafeteria instead.

“Hey boys, I’m thinking of volunteering for caf duty at lunch at your school, since your teachers may no longer be doing it. Won’t that be swell?”

They actually left the room because they could not contain their excitement. So sweet.

So just because I’m nice and all that, I have created the following Lunchroom Credofor other parent volunteers considering sharing this prominent volunteer position along with me:

I hereby pledge to …

– Hug and kiss my own children as soon as I see them enter the caf [very important].

– Call all teachers by their first names; better yet, make up a few nicknames like Bri-Bri the History Guy.

– Wink at every cute teenage boy.

– Randomly dispense advice about Canada’s Food Guide.

– Reapply lipstick repeatedly and smack lips loudly.

– Pull underwear out of butt crack at various intervals while walking between tables.

– Endeavour to pass gas at least once while walking past the popular girls’ table.

– Quiz every girl who talks to my sons (list of appropriate questions is available upon request).

– Alert all girls to their exposed bra straps, as required.

– Sing along to all the songs playing over the PA system (even if I don’t know the words).

– Remind my children of their after-school wart removal appointment, in front of their friends.

-Share swigs from my flask with the custodian (in other words, set a good example).

ThisLunchroom Credo has been well-received and endorsed by all the mothers I know. Somehow, my kids are not quite as enthusiastic. In fact, they are suddenly no longer complaining that I have a full-time job.

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26 Responses to The Cool Caf Credo

I love it. I can definitely see you as a Caf Monitor. Lately I have began mimicking my daughter’s “huffs and puffs” that she makes when I ask her to do something. I also commend her on exercising her lungs and encouraging me to as well.

Yeah, I didn’t want to go into this because it is a fairly contentious issue here in Ontario, and as in any disagreement there are two sides to the story. The provincial government passed a bill in September that imposed a wage freeze, modified some provisions of the teachers collective agreement and took away their right to strike. I see this as a contravention to the Labour Code for the government to pass this bill this but I’ll let them fight that fight. Rather than allow the legal challenge to run its course, the teachers’ union (who absent of this Bill would now be in a legal strike position) have stepped up labour action. First, most HS teachers refused to coach HS sports or supervise after school clubs so most extracurricular activities in the fall were eliminated and many are currently being run by parent volunteers and retired principals. Now the union is asking the teachers to refuse any duty outside of the core teaching and marking including but not limited to caf supervision. Naturally there was a food fight in the caf the first day! Not sure who the union is trying to pressure given that our government is now prorogued until January and I think their efforts on the legality of the Bill would be a better use of their energy. Yeah that’s right: food fight day one, cops and all. the Board is warning that schools may have to be closed if student safety cannot be guaranteed. Both the union and the government’s position is that they are “putting the students first” but so far the students have taken the brunt…. my two cents.

Cruel and evil, but I LIKE it… I’m sure my kids would cringe if I told them I was going to volunteer at the school. They prefer to pretend they don’t have a mother, that they are 007 in training sort of kids, well at least until they need help with something or want to eat. I shared this with my son and he made me SWEAR I would never do this – volunteer or torture him in public. Go figure. My mom did it all the time to me.

Thank you for sharing with your son!
I know my kids would be absolutely mortified if I actually volunteered. And to be honest, while my presence might keep the school open at bit longer, am not sure that I could actually guarantee their safety against the pranksters during this labour dispute 🙁

I love your lunchroom credo. Can’t decide which I like best. Seems to be tied between using the Hello Kitty lunchbox for boys, and telling your kids about their doctor’s appt for warts. Too funny, Astra!

I actually did this once while in my son’s class and caught myself: I licked the tip of my index thumb and began to use it to remove something from my son’s face. It was in slow motion, I could see the terror forming on his face and I refrained from following through. I realize that my mom did it to me…oh gawd….