Captain's (​B)Log

Last weekend I was inside of Comicpalooza Houston, and during the adventure I was contacted by a fan. Our intercourse was so extraordinary, I had to share it with you. I hope it brings you as much pleasure as it's brought me.

I am a fan of your work from the far north. Canada. Ontario to be exact. I have friends in the great state of Texas and they saw you at Fanexpo. I joined your salty crew of Seamen because I have a thirst for... adventure. Amongst other things. I truly admire the quality and quantity of your volumes... and eagerly anticipate devouring your next installments. Your words are very inspiring and touching.... and inspire a fair bit of touching as well. ;)

Are you currently at the Comicpalooza in Houston? I was told you would be selling fantastic merchandise there and generally getting into mischief.... a great way to spend the weekend. I hope you enjoy your time in the auditorium as much as many there would enjoy their time in your poop deck.

Bonjour Jayson! Merci for your heartfelt message, and welcome to my Raging Queen. Yes, I am in Comicpalooza this weekend, and Comicpalooza is loving every minute of it. Continue to spread the word through Canada. I'll have to come up soon.

I will be sure to pass along all the intimate details of your adventures on the seven seas with all your salty seamen to all my friends and most of my enemies as well. Everyone should get to experience all you have to offer and no one should be left thirsty or wanting when it comes to fulfilling their hunger for your fine literary works. I know you would want to spread your seeds of adventure worldwide and I would love to help you spill it across my great northern nation, amongst other places.

The lady love of my life, by the name of M____, is the beautiful tech support behind the scenes woman taking pictures of all the goings and comings at Comicpalooza for her own amusement and she is always quick of wit and sarcasm. She took your picture at Fanexpo. You may recognize her. I wanted to send her a special message of amour and She will be drifting your way at some point to purchase one of your amazing mugs. I wish I could have the pleasure of your taste on my lips but I will have to wait until I see her and she shares with me.

I will be happy to send you a steady correspondence of double entendres for as long as you'll have me as I find it highly amusing and amazing to practice my wordplay. I fancy myself a cunning linguist and I always enjoy a play on words and tongue twisting. You have a spectacular weekend in Comicpalooza and best of luck in the future.

Your keeper of hard Canadian wood,(Perfect for laying down decks and nailing into place),

Merci for spreading the love! And not the syphilis. Tell your lady love that I am in booth 1011, and the best time to find me inside of it will be after 12:15 or so. After you've told her that, you should also come out of the closet to her. No need to string her along. :-D

Avec amour,

François le Foutre The Most Fearsome Fruit in all of France, and Original Salty Seaman

My lady love knows full well that I hunger for the thrills and spills of the salty seaman's life as well as craving the valleys and mountains of a true world traveller. I am a multifaceted individual with more than a single directed desire on my mind. While I thoroughly enjoy lodging in a captain's poop deck, and will always be thirsty for the kind of fulfilling experience only a salty Seaman provides, she will always be the sweetest harbour for me and I will be docking my dinghy in her inlets and mapping her shorelines and tributaries for the rest of my days. I appreciate the need for honesty in a relationship and this one is as honest as it gets.

So, sorry to dissapoint, my dear Rear Admiral, I am a willing member in your berth but I will always return to her on land that is never dry for where I will be resting both my heads and my heart is hers forever.

I will pass on your message and I am sure she will be around to see you shortly. She is really excited about your coffee cup, has been since she saw the amazing offer in your email to all the Seamen on your crew.

I will be posting a few rave reviews on Amazon of your incredible tales of erotic adventure within the next two days. Thank you again for your continued words and phrases and your quick responses to my messages. You are a true man of action and your words inspire a lot of action as well.

Mon dieu! Jay's enthusiasm was so palpable, I had a hard time keeping up with his sultry interpositions. As a reward, I bestowed upon Jay the rank of Leading Seaman, allowing him to swab the inside of my poop cabin, and not simply the exterior portion of the poop deck.

Pre-order by Thursday June 16 at Noon CT, and get 20% off your entire order! (Enter Promo Code FIRST2COME at checkout.)

Bonus: If you need extra François to keep you satisfied, congratulations! Order two or more items and I'll give you a copy of each book absolutely free!

For those who live in the Houston area, your merchandise will be available for pick-up at Comicpalooza on June 17-19. If you want them shipped to you (or meant to pick them up but didn't), they will be sent out the following week.