I want to show up in life in such a way that you feel greeted in my presence.

Welcomed. Worthy. Accepted. That means when I see you I start with love. It means I refuse to wait until my ego can determine your value to me. Forgive me for my impulse to judge, I want to un-learn that behavior. The truth is that you are human--my sister, my brother-- and that is enough. Your value is exponential and I greet the lessons you will teach me. Thank you.

I want to show up in life in such a way that you feel abundant in my presence.

Abundant in the awareness that you are enough. More than enough, in fact. Where for a moment, you can find refuge from your inadequacies, insecurities, fears, and judgments. For I want to see you; the part of you that is innocent, beautiful, perfect, and true. I give you my word that I will seek that in you, knowing that those who seek, find. I desire to be someone who sees your best, even when you can't.

I want to show up in life in such a way that you feel loved in my presence.

For you are. I believe in a God that loves you. A God that asked me to do the same. I regret how frequently I do it imperfectly. Nonetheless, I will keep trying. For it's never because you're not worth my love; rather, it's always because my own fears get in my way of expressing it. I don't bestow upon you your loveability, I only affirm what is already there. You are love-able and loved. May I remember that truth that you might feel it when I'm around.

I want to show up in life in such a way that you feel gratitude in my presence.

May my words and actions remind us both that not only are you enough, but so am I. And so is this world. There is enough joy for both of us. I can promise you that when I feel lack -- as I sometimes do -- I will own it as my own hunger; refusing to devalue what you have, or who you are. You deserve all that is yours and I celebrate it. May I become the person who holds so much gratitude for your life that I invite you to rejoice in it too.

I want to show up in life in such a way that you feel encouraged in my presence.

Not just applauded, but deeply hopeful. I want to hold enough faith in the universe that I can share it with you at any time. I want you to be able to look in my eyes and see your best self reflected back at you. May you feel supported in owning your strength, your beauty, your talent, your power, your love, your goodness. An encouragement that roots itself in a soil of knowing, and branches out in in vibrant action.

It doesn't matter who you are-- you deserve these things from me.

You can be someone I walk by in the grocery store, or someone I commit my life to. Both can be equally difficult.

You can be someone I am drawn to, or someone I feel repelled by. Either way, how I show up with kindness should not differ.

You can be someone who has loved me well, or someone who has hurt me deeply. My interpretation of my experience with you doesn't change your worth.

You can be someone I watch only on TV, or someone I know intimately. Your inherent goodness isn't dependent on my knowing you.

How I respond to you says more about me, than it does about you. I know that. I own it. Indeed there is a gap between who I want to be for you and who I am. For that, I am sorry. Life is not a competition where one of us holds more value than another. And no one, other than my own ego, has given me permission to go around making judgments about your merit. So when I show up, as humans often do, without being all that I want to be, forgive me. And just know it's no reflection on you.

My prayer is that I keep growing in love, becoming, expanding, inviting, welcoming. I trust that as I see my own worth more clearly, I might better show you yours.

My prayer is that the best in me honors the best in you. That I can have God-eyes to see you the way you are. The way you are meant to be loved.

Having served as a pastor in churches, I know full well that just because words like joy, peace, merry and happy are mentioned more in the month of December doesn't make it more so. In fact, for many, the holiday season can induce more exhaustion, grief and loneliness than during any other time in the year.
The Holidays Don't Always Feel Merry...

I always pause and pray for those who are grieving for those they loved and lost this year.

I hold concern for those whose desires and needs surpass their resources.

I ache for those who will experience more hunger, cold and fear this winter.

I send love to those who wish they could be close to family but are separated by war, obligations or distance.

I feel sadness with those who feel their loneliness heightened during a season where we speak so much of friends and family.

I wish hope for those who are gripped by fear-- fear of not having enough, being enough or living enough.

I offer peace to those who are weary, overworked, exhausted and strained by their own expectations and the obligations of others.

So we honor those losses, disappointments, loneliness and fears.

But We Can Invite Merry-ness In
Without minimizing any of the very real pain that most everyone feels a bit during these busy and high-expectation times, I just want to speak a wee bit of hope into your lives. All happiness research continues to show that our external circumstances don't create our happiness as much as our response to them does.

In fact, one study highlighted that no matter what happens in our lives, we return to the same set point. This was as true for those who won the lottery as it was for those who experienced some sort of physical paralyzing disability. The best things that happen to us give us some elation, but we return to the previous outlook with or without money. The worst thing can happen to us and the same is true, with or without our same body functions.

So if it's our response that proves most impactful as to whether our happiness set point can increase, then how can we influence our response for the positive? Certainly there are many practices that can help shape our outlook, but one of the most compelling ones to me is by surrounding ourselves with meaningful community.

By Connecting With Others
There isn't a loss, disappointment or fear that friendship can't touch. Having friends doesn't prevent the pain, but it proves again and again to lessen it, to give hope through it and to provide encouragement and support in countless ways.

Some studies have shown that people with a circle of friends recover faster from surgery than those who are unsupported.

One study asked people carrying weights to guess the incline of the hill in front of them and those beside a friend estimated it to be less steep than those standing alone.

The work you are doing this season to invite friendships into your life will pay rich dividends in so many areas of your life. This time next year, you could have several really meaningful friendships feeding your life.

Stepping into the lives of others-- blessing them, listening to them, loving them, seeing them-- and receiving those same gifts, can transform your outlook, raising your happiness set point. I applaud you for inviting friends into you life.

This holiday season, whether you celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, the solstice/lunar eclipse or New Years-- I honor your beautiful intentions and wish deep and meaningful friendships upon you in 2011.