Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Truisms

My Buddy Ed in Florida sends along something that's been floating around the 'net in various forms for a while but it's oh-so-true, none the less:

WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome.' That will bring on a 'whatever.')

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

I think I got a "Whatever" in the photo at left... but OTOH it most certainly could have been a literal and emphatic "Fuck You." She never did pull her punches... (Click for larger, of course. This pic is part two of a two-part photo essay originally published here.)

Alison: re: that look. I was on the receiving end of "that look" often enough in the 23 years we were together to dispute your observation. That look was of the "I'd frickin' KILL you if I thought I could get away with it" variety. Trust me...

re: "Im sure people can read me like a book. Heart on sleeve and all that. Probably isn't a great thing. For me I mean."

Yet another reason why I'd be pursuing you like white on rice, were there not these pesky space and time constraints... not to mention your current satisfactory relationship status. The Second Mrs. Pennington was the closest I've ever come to thinking I could understand women, and I obviously fell way short in that space. OTOH, you seem to be the sort of woman with which whom I could make that ever-so-elusive connection. Just sayin', yanno? :-)

Oooh...there's no mistaking that look, Buck! In the past 24 years I have been on the receiving end of that face more times than I can count. And I probably had a beer in my hand more than a few times, too.