What is considered successful parenting? The fact that I didn't yell and rip my hair out today? Or I was able to act like a 5 year old and not even care about the mess made in the house today? Maybe none of it? Maybe all of it?

Friday, August 16, 2013

Defiant Children and POWER STRUGGLES!

Do you have a defiant child? Do you feel like no matter what you tell your child to do, your child won't follow through with requests? One key to managing your defiant child is to END THE POWER STRUGGLE! In fact, make a commitment to end the power struggle today! Everything doesn't have to be a fight. Some things are just not worth the battle. So many parents get wrapped up in the idea that their child must be MADE to listen to them-that every time their child disobeys them, then the child must be punished. I'm here to tell you that managing your child's behavior isn't about disciplining every single thing your child does wrong. Instead, it's about having a parenting plan that will change your child's behavior over time.

Here are some guidelines to get you started managing your defiant child:

*Start tracking. For a week or so, jot down in a notebook everything you and your child fight over and when these fights occur.

*Categorize the data you collected and look for patterns. Do you fight with your child frequently over bed time? Is your child more defiant when it comes to what they wear or what they eat?

*Rate the defiant behaviors in order of most important to address to least important to address.

*Focus your discipline of your defiant child on the behaviors you feel are most important to address, and let the other ones go for now. This is where you begin to end the power struggles with your child. It's far more important to get your child to stop hitting his sibling than it is to have him make his bed daily. End the power struggle over the bed and focus on disciplining the hitting behavior at first.

As a parent you can't fight your defiant child all of the time on every misbehavior that he or she engages in. If you try, your life will be a constant battle, you'll be exhausted, and your child will never learn to respect you. Learn to let some things go, for now at least. Focus on what is most important. Fix those things and the other smaller problem behaviors will begin to fix themselves over time. Remember changing your defiant child's behavior won't happen overnight. It likely took many months or even years for your child to develop these habits and behaviors and it will take several months of hard, focused work on your part as the parent to undo them. But remember, the longest journey starts with a single step! Get started today and in a few months your child's defiant behaviors will most certainly be diminished and you will be a much happier parent in the process.