November 24, 2013

The other day I was chatting with a new friend that I met through my website, and it hit me! I realized that often, people who are gifted with depression have enormously high expectations as for what it means to be depression - free. Can't really say that this took me by surprise though; I myself, - prior to my recovery from chronic depression - have had the exact expectations.

The chat I had with my new friend gave birth to the idea of writing this post... What exactly it means, to me, to be finally depression - free?

I'll start with something very important here. Look around you. What do you see? Perhaps you see people who are doing very well, who are "normal," who had never been depressed in their entire lives. Now, does this mean that they are truly happy, or if so, does it mean that they are always that way? Come on, you know the answer. Just because someone is not depressed, or never been depressed, does not necessarily mean that such person is always happy (or that even ever been). The absence of depression alone does not guarantee happiness. As well as; -- our happiness does not depend on whether we are free from depression, or not. If that wasn't true, then we would see all bunch of people who aren't depressed, constantly dancing around from experiencing never ending bliss and joy. And we all know that, that is not the case, at least not in the world we live in...

Now that we got that straight, we can explore further what it's like to finally overcome depression.

First of all; we all know that depression isn't something like a tumor, which we get rid of by removing it surgically. Depression is a state of mind, and thus it is a very complex condition.To me, being depression - free, means not to be controlled by depression anymore, or anything else for that matter. It means not to be afraid to see the world in a totally unique way (the same way we view it while being depressed), without ever apologizing for it! Without ever feeling the need to apologize for who we are, what we do, and what we "fail" to do. To be depression - free it means to stop, once and for all, trying to fit in, without feeling bad about it. It means not to feel the need to be accepted, since the self-acceptance, which matters the most; had been found. It means not to be affected by the loneliness, which is brought by our unpopular (considered by others) -- point of view. It means to have the courage to speak up, even in the face of violent opposition. It means to have the unstoppable urge to be the voice for those who cannot, for whatever reasons, speak up for themselves. It means to want to protect the weakest, to be on their side. To be finally depression free, it means to finally appreciate your own self. To know your own value, and to understand that no amount of money could ever replace you. That your worth net is higher than a $1,000,000 x ∞ (infinity).... If you understood that, you would never, ever speak of your own worth in figures, money, and the size of your bank account. You would never combine your possessions to summarize your value, your worth. You would never let your profession, and what you do or don't do to survive, to determine what is your contribution to this world. You would finally understand, that simply by being, and being just who you are, you are contributing to this world, and to others, in a more significant way that you are giving yourself credit for!And so, you would stop listening to others, and you would start listening to yourself, for a change, like you should. You would stop looking for that dead-end job, to please or impress others. Instead, you would start doing what pleases you, what you believe in, and what you are truly passionate about. Whatever that might be.When you are finally depression free, unlike everyone else out there, you start living without being fearful. Since you feel that because of your depression, you've missed on so many things in your life, -- you no longer give a damn whether you conform, or not, to what is considered as a social "norm." You stop pretending to be who they want you to be, and you start being yourself. You realize that it is much better to be hated for who you are, than to be "loved" for who you are not.You are free, and you realize that you always were. You realize that the only reason you weren't acting like a free person, is because you were giving too much power to people and to events that were in you life. You start taking that power back. For example, you don't laugh anymore - while pretending to be amused, - at someone's "harmless" joke directed towards you. You don't get upset either. You remain unaffected, and completely untouched by it. You learn not to hide your feelings either. You speak clearly what's on your mind and what's in your heart. You become your own biggest ambassador. You advocate your own well being, whether emotionally, mentally, physically or spiritually speaking. Perhaps, you even become the ambassador to those who need your help the most, even if it means that you simply start signing petitions online, against the injustice and those who transgress harm upon the vulnerable ones. You find your voice in doing so.Then you start to really understand how not insignificant your are!You discover a new strength that has nothing to do with how much money you have, or have not, or how big your biceps are, or aren't. You discover the strength and the power that comes from within you, where it always was. You realize that the only authentic power -- your power from within -- had never left you, it was always there. The only thing was; it was dormant, because you forgot how to use it! So then, you suddenly realize that you were never a victim. At least not in a sense you were taught to believe in. You realize that you gave your power away freely, and so, that you were controlled by others, and by the circumstances because of your permission. When you begin to understand that, is when you start seeing clearly that you - and only you- have the power to allow someone, and something else to hurt you. You know that it is always your choice that you make. The choice between hating, resisting, getting even or -- loving, forgiving, accepting, and being compassionate instead. When you overcome depression, you are finally able to see that everything, which you thought was wrong with you (as you were told by others) is actually not only NOT wrong, but it's what's beautiful and unique about you!!! And so you embrace your weirdness, your quirkiness, and every single aspect of you that might be considered as "unacceptable" by others.Consequently, you start to understand that obedience is not a good thing, as it is considered, whether by loved ones at home, or by the society in general. You are able to see how much serious damage being obedient (not rocking the boat) had provoked in your life, and in the world in general. So you stop being obedient, and you stop teaching your children to obey the rules. You start questioning everything as you start thinking for yourself, and that is what you start doing to your children -- you start teaching them how to think, -- not what to think, and how to obey.And so you suddenly realize -- you are finally free! And not only free from depression, but free in a much deeper sense as well. You are free from the burden that you've carried in your heart and your mind all this time. The burden that was made out of lies, in which you believed, and which formed a distorted image of you.Finally, when you are no longer depressed, you start living in the present moment. You start understanding that the only real time, and the only real place that there is -- ishere and now. You understand now that when you were depressed, it was because you were living in your past. You know that when you were feeling constantly anxious, it was because you were living in the future. If you were feeling both; depressed and anxious at the same time -- you were "swinging" between your past, and your future. You were never fully present in the moment. As this becomes even more clear to you, you begin to cherish every single moment, and you begin to stay fully present, fully engaged, even while doing the most mundane daily activities. You begin to feel peaceful. Now -- you've reached, what some would call; a self-realization!Once you do that, there is no going back though (I know, as if that was a bad thing...) You don't miss the old you, and you don't miss the old world you were living in. Does this mean you never cry again? Of course not. Does the tree, when pruned, suddenly stops aging? No. It continues its growth. Same way with humans; when we "prune" our false selves, when we get rid of this distorted self-image, we still continue to grow. The work never ends. But this time, when we cry, we often cry for different reasons. We might cry because we see clearly, how much pain and unnecessary suffering surrounds us. We might cry because we are still simply human beings, and that is what, depressed or not depressed, human beings do.So don't ever beat yourself up (while comparing yourself to others, which you should avoid doing) because of how long, (you might think) is taking you to heal from depression. Keep in mind that you are not only freeing yourself from this "disorder" -- you are also freeing yourself from the Illusion, from the False World, which created this disorder in the first place! So, in a way, if you have high expectations as to what it's like after overcoming depression -- you are right about it. Except that what you might expect it to be, and what it actually becomes, might be two different things, and that is not always a bad thing. So keep that in mind.If you want to know more in details about my journey of overcoming severe depression and suicidal tendencies, then this article is for you: Depression and Spiritual Awakening

Little bit about me:

Now residing in Honolulu, Hawaii, Polish-born Elzbieta Pettingill is a former fashion model, author and survivor of depression. She suffered abuse and rape in her childhood, and was subsequently diagnosed with a depression that followed her from childhood through to adulthood. Let down by the medical and psychological establishments, and realizing that only she could change her mind, Elzbieta overcame her depression in her 30’s through a process of conscious spiritual awakening, a story that forms the basis of her book: “Life Realized” – available now on Amazon.com

This is beautiful, Elzbieta. There are these awful mental blocks that keep us from being authentic. One of those is the belief that - unless the fix is perfect, don't try it. And, thus, nothing gets fixed because there's no such thing as a perfect fix.

In the end, there's only a perfect You. There is no other.

Thank you for teaching people to stop measuring and start valuing themselves. Beautiful work.

To me, Albert Einstein, still long after being gone, represents what having a truly bright mind stands for. I know very littl...

I am not a physician, nor do I have a degree in psychology. The advice I give should not be viewed as a form of psycho-therapy. The advice I give is based on my own personal experience with depression, and my recovery from it.

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