My last two days in Nashville, despite my unfavorable health, was a blast. I felt so sad the adventure was coming to an end but at the same time; I was exhausted.

I spent the first day at the Country Music Hall of Fame, and I loved it. I am going to have to go again because it is impossible to read and look at all the history of country music all in one visit.

Part of the tour included a trip to Studio B. What a cool experience.

“Small Room-Big Music” – Tour Guide-

This place was not what I expected. The building is small and old; however, it’s still used by so many artists to this day. I was so excited to be able to touch the piano that had been played by so many musicians including Elvis Presley. Studio B brings the quote, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” to a whole new level.

After the tour, I went back to the hotel. As much as I wanted to take advantage of every hour I had left in Nashville; I was so beat. I bought some NyQuil and went to bed.

The next day I started off right; breakfast at Hard Rock Cafe on lower Broadway. After that, I went on the ABC’s Nashville tour which I had decided to go on mostly because they were supposed to take you to the Ryman Auditorium which I really wanted to see. It turns out you either get the Ryman or the Blue Bird Cafe and more people on the bus wanted the Blue Bird which was pretty damn cool too. We also stopped for a pee break at the Ryman but only had about five minutes to check it out. I am definitely going to go back there for a show someday.

I have tried for a week to get tickets for the Blue Bird, but I am beginning to think it’s impossible. I thought about waiting in line for that night’s show, but they only have seating for about 20-30 walk-ins, and there were already more than that in line at 3 pm. Maybe next time.

We also drove by Dierks Bentley’s house which was super cool, and it took everything out of me not to jump off the bus and run to his door. 😉

Right after the tour, I started wandering on Broadway again. I was starving. As I walked past Margaritaville, I could hear a woman singing Sugarland’s “Why don’t you stay.” Her voice was phenomenal. I kept walking because Margaritaville was packed and there weren’t any tables. I loved her voice so much though that I turned around and thought I would just stand outside the open window for a while and listen. When I went back, there was one single table beside the window that had just opened up. I pounced.

I am so glad I did.

The name of the woman singing is Kassie Wilson, and she was up there with her husband, Ben Wilson. They were both so talented and together they were beautiful.

I ended up being adopted by a table of Canadian men. Dean, Trevor, Jordan, Scott, and Jerry. Sorry Mom, I know that’s not safe, but they were Canadian and made sure my drinks were full, and the French fries kept coming. Don’t worry Mom; our waiter was on the ball, and he was keeping an eye out for me. I meant to get a picture with him because he was so fantastic, and he clearly had my back.

I had such a good time at Margaritaville and ended up chatting with Kassie and Ben. They were such a nice couple, and I truly hope their music careers take off. Some of their original songs brought me to tears, and as I think I mentioned before, my band teacher always said, if you can make your audience cry you have done well.

Thank you, Kassie and Ben, for the conversation and the hugs, and I can’t wait to see you on t.v someday. -Your fan, Meg

Thanks boys for letting me hang out with you and sorry for sneaking out Ninja style but the night had to come to an end for me so I could continue my way back home without having to stop on the side of the road every 15 minutes. 😉

The next day it was time for me to hit the road. Kansas City was my destination, and it was a long day. When I arrived at my hotel, I realized my bed was made out of a cloud, and I decided I wasn’t going anywhere. I ordered room services, took some medicine, and went to sleep.

Today I am in Sioux Falls. I only had to drive five hours this time.

Thank God.

Many of you I am sure are thinking that five hours is a long time but to be honest, when you have been driving for two weeks, 5 hours seems like 5 minutes.

For some reason, my drive today was one of my most emotional yet. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t have my phone buddy Jeremy’s annoying voice to keep me company (Jk it’s not that annoying) or if it was because my trip was coming to an end and I was on my way back to reality.

It’s been eight months since Nick died. Not sure if y’all thought I forgot, (haha had to throw the y’all in there) but I didn’t. The 20th of every month reminds me of yet another month gone by without my Nick.

Tomorrow is October 23rd. Tomorrow would be one year since we got engaged. One year since Nick made me the happiest woman in the world. One year since Nick and I told each other that 2016 was going to be our best year yet and we were going to have the time of our lives. I think we may have had a bit too much wine that night and were slightly confused because boy were we wrong.

So here’s the thing. I don’t know how I feel about this right now. Obviously, I miss Nick more than I can even find the words to explain, and I grieve the life we were supposed to have, but I can’t deny the amazing experience I just had over the last seventeen days. I can’t deny how grateful I am for having met so many incredible people and the memories that were made from those interactions. I just can’t deny that.

I have come to a point in my journey where I’m stuck in the middle of these two thoughts:

“I miss Nick like crazy, and I want him back so bad.”

and;

“I am so happy I have experienced the things I have experienced and met the people I have met.”

I honestly don’t know what to make of that. This journey has been filled with so many ups and downs, so many tears, but also, so many memories and so many life changing moments. I know it’s not over and I just don’t know what to think.

I have a lot of milestones to get over still, and I am as usual; terrified. However, with that said, something about this trip has shown me that I will get through those milestones and when I do, I will be a better person because of it. It will make me a stronger, more confident and more deeply compassionate person as a result of it. I would never say that to another grieving person, because it’s not my place to say it, but resilience is the only choice I have at this point, and that will naturally make a person more powerful.

I made a decision a while back that I am going to honor my grief no matter what which means I will still cry and I will still have days of weakness where I depend on everyone around me to pick me up, but I decided then that I refuse to be defeated by it.

I almost was defeated by it, and it nearly killed me. I will do anything in my power, both the physical and emotional power, to keep me from going back into that dark place. There is no doubt in my mind; I will need the help of those who love me to keep me out of there, and there is no doubt in my mind; you will be there when I need you.

I know now that I am still alive for a reason and I know Nick would want me to keep on persevering and live a full and fun life for both of us. I feel him with me stronger now than I ever have and I know he is giving me this strength to keep on fighting.

I will leave you with this quote I heard today:

“An injured lion wants to know if he can still roar” – Randy Pausch

If you haven’t read the book The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, I strongly recommend it. The way he explained this quote really resonated with me, and I truly believe I can still roar.