coming out

Hi all.

I've been in Ga and my partner in gamanon for past 7 years. heavy debt repayments finished in February of this year. My wife and ga friends think I'm clean for all this time but I'm not.

The financial side is fine ie no debts but each month I gamble within my allowance and raid the household kitty every so often when I run out of cash which is regularly. The stress of it is killing me and I feel I can't open up in my ga group because of the gamanon linkage. this has gone on for 5 of the 7 years!!!

Just been paid and have wonderful opportunity to stop this and nobody will know better. My marriage which is great these days but which was dodgy 7 years ago will be secured. I gamble with the life of my beautiful family each month, not just with my own allowance.

My lying and deceit fuels the addiction and writing this note is the first time I've told anyone. It feels good to confess, even though it's on the anonymous Internet.

Just for today I will not gamble and just for today I will not let money burn a hole in my pocket.

I hail from the Friends and Family community on this site and I also attended Gamanon for a few years some time ago.

Like Vera I would imagine your wife is more aware than you think and possibly shares her concerns within her group already. Gamanon is a great place for her to deal with the way things have been for you in the last 5 years - as is our Friends and Family forum and group where she will be very welcome..

Anonymity works for many and I hope you will continue to post here as well as attending GA – use every support available.

I suspect you have begun to believe that you are getting away with gambling within your allowance and raiding the household kitty but the longer you put off completely controlling your addiction, I suspect, the more you will push it and the greater the distress will be when it all comes out - and it will..

Maybe you could tell you wife that your allowance is too great or ask for a daily allowance and give her receipts for what you have bought. Such acts show a willingness to change rather just rolling along hoping that things will be different if you do nothing.

My CG was not attending GA when I was in Gamanon but there were people there who knew that their spouses were still gambling but who believed that they had pulled the wool over their loved ones eyes. My CG was off spiralling into a black abyss of gambling while I was in Gamanon but I gained immense strength when I was there. Ultimately my CG went to the Gordon Moody Association rehab and changed his life around nearly 11 years ago – it is the reason I am on this site because I can say that I know that a gambling addiction can be controlled.

You still have a fresh slate, don't hate yourself for mistakes - just find the strength to see the opportunity that you have! :-D

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