Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Jody, a SAHM to 3 boys is pregnant again after 4 consecutive miscarriages in 2002. Day to day struggles, worries and reflections recorded to help other women who have struggled with recurrent miscarriage.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Had my routine OB appointment today, and all is well! I am 18 weeks at the end of today, and I am measuring 19 weeks, which is perfect! The babies HR was 145-150. We talked about the delivery dilemma, and Tim reassured me that all would work out and not to worry. What, ME worry???????????????????????????????

He also scheduled my ultrasound with a perinatologist for November 18th.........3 weeks from today.....................I have made it 18 weeks, so what's three more????????...........tic tock, more clock watching. Talk about watching a boiling pot...............

Sunday at church I had a real treat. I had not felt much movement at all since last Tuesday, and was starting to worry (who, me???). I was sitting listening to the sermon, when I felt a little kick. I looked down and smoothed out my shirt and watched................and there it was!!!! I saw the kicks! It was so awesome. I wanted to get Bill's attention and show him, but didn't want to move and spoil the moment. So, over the next few minutes, I watched my baby kick and squirm and cherished the moment.

We had Cub Scout meeting last night.........and a church council meeting for Bill. This meant pregnant Jody, a 9yo Bobcat, a 6yo and 3yo, and a neighbors kid piled into my van for a night of scouting fun. 20 minutes before the meeting, I got the call from the neighbor to ask if her son could ride with us. She said she would bring his pumpkin later...........................Whoa Nelly, WHAT pumpkin???????? I was instructed by Scout Master Dad to bring a bag of popped popcorn and the popcorn sale form and the little scout. "Oh, yes, they are to bring a CARVED pumpkin.....oh, and a rock collection too." Finding a pumpkin in our little town, population 2074, at 6:00pm would be like heading out to find a loaf of ciabatta bread and some pine nut pesto in Mayberry.......we have one grocery store(they still sell coke in the bottle and deliver your grocieries to your house), and a Shamrock station(that sells beer on tap and has a beer garden out back). Needless to say, we opted out on the pumpkin. Cory wandered out to the end of the driveway to find some rocks for his collection! LOL!!!!

Scout meeting was a writhing mass of boys screaming and having a blast. I stayed for the obligatory opening ceremony, then took off for home to bath the little ones, get them in their jammies, and head back out to the scout hut to pick up Cory. It was the fall festival pack meeting, so there were more kids than I cared to count. When I got there, they were all outside playing chase, and the parents were standing around with stressed-out faces. One turned to me and said "we need a bigger scout hut".

We do too, so restoration plans are underway for the great "make-a-bedroom-out-of-the-study" winter construction party! Wish us luck!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

One more birthday to go this weekend. My oldest is turning 9!! Am I REALLY the mother of a 9yo??? Yikes!!! How time flies.

Goodbye all day sickness!!! It seems for the last 2 days, I have been feeling really good. I did throw up on Monday morning, but after that I was much better. I started eating scrambled eggs and salsa for breakfast, which has helped sooo much!!

Since Monday, I have been feeling consistent, definite baby movement! I can feel kicks most of the day, and it is for sure baby and not gas! This is such a relief and a big milestone for me. I even feel that rolling "whoa" kind of movement! LOL! I can't put to words the joy I feel!

Maternity clothes are a must now, and my belly is really sticking out there. I am very obviously pregnant now. With the let-up of morning sickness, baby movement and a nice round belly, I am really enjoying this pregnancy now. Even though this is my 4th successful pregnancy, it feels like my first in a number of ways. I have that total and absolute awe with every little thing. If the miscarriages taught me one thing, it is to enjoy each day of pregnancy as it comes, and I am doing that with zeal!! It is so wonderful to be pregnant and it is a feeling that I want to experience to the hilt.

My next doc appointment is next Tuesday at 18 weeks, and we will schedule the US then. Since my youngest has club foot, they want to check this baby for it and for neural tube defect, which is common in club foot children.

Another biggie that I found out today is that my insurance will not cover a c-section unless I have a failed trial of labor and it is an emergency. So that means if we opt for a c-section given my history and the fact that I will birth in a small rural hospital, we will have to pay out-of-pocket almost $10,000. Hmm. Interesting, because if I do a trial of labor, and it fails because of uterine rupture, they will have to pay for labor, a c-section and any emergency blood transfusions or procedures to save mine and the babies life. So, double that $$$. And we wonder why insurance premiums are so high. Risk taking is their game. Too bad it is my life they are gambling with. Sheesh!! My doc has to write them a letter of pre-determination to be reviewed with my medical history. But I would imagine it will fall on deaf ears. So, it looks like scary labor, here we come!!

Time for more laundry. It is like a huge pile that I never find the bottom of! Thank God we have wonderful kids making all those dirty clothes though...so, yes, if you look at it like that, laundry is a blessing!!!

Friday, October 17, 2003

Morning sickness has been bad this week. Today I feel a bit better, so maybe this is my upswing. I had it until 18 1/2 weeks with my youngest. This too, shall pass. Blek

Still no major baby movement. I feel a thump every now and then. We heard the HB on Tuesday.........still thumping along at about 160. Wonderful. I am almost 1/2 way there!!

The pecans are falling from the trees in the yard now, so every day after school we go out and the boys gather them into buckets. We crack a few and eat them along the way, but we have more than I know what to do with! Quinn likes to stomp them and throw them up onto the roof. The older boys are ready for them to STOP falling.

Potty training is NOT going well here. My two oldest boys were already in underwear all night by this point. Quinn has the "pee pee on the potty" part down really well....it is the poops that are still an issue. We are going back to Pull-ups for a week or so (to give mom and the waxed wood floors a break), and we will try again. If there is one thing that I have learned from the two oldest, it is that he will do it when he is ready. No need banging my head on wood about it.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Whew! Very tired here, but very happy! On Thursday afternoon I took off to serve on a Via de Cristo weekend. This is a really special spiritual retreat that lasts from Thursday evening to Sunday evening. It was so awesome!
ViadeCristoLots of food to eat, lots of singing, worship and fellowship. It is such a joy to serve on a team. I went on my "Walk" in Fall of 1998, and have been serving on teams ever since. It is so rewarding. Beyond words.

One really cool thing that is coming out of this weekend is that one of the Pastors, myself and a musician are going to work on a service that will address the loss of an unborn or stillborn child. I am really excited about this, as so many have lost their babies to miscarriage, and are suffering in silence. We had talked about this last year after my first miscarriage, but I never followed up on it due to the concurrent losses that happened right after. So, it is time to get moving on it and walk the walk!

I was really happy that this weekend the morning sickness was tolerable. I did not throw up once, which even surprised my husband, as well as myself. I ate eggs with salsa each morning, and we ate fairly early.......maybe I need to eat more protein in the a.m.? Or, maybe my morning sickness lifted so that I could participate in the weekend. Not sure, but it is back in rare form today, right on schedule. I threw up and am having a hard time getting food down, and keeping it there!

I weighed myself this morning, thinking that after eating so much food this weekend I would have gained. (one weekend is called "The Walk to Emmaus", and we on team call it lovingly "The Walk to Enormous") But, I am still the same weight as on Thursday. Hmm. Counting the weight that I lost and regained, I have gained a total of 7lbs, with 5.5 of it being regain. I see Tim again in 2 weeks, so we will see where I am at that point.

It was soooo good to see Bill and the kids again after 3 full days apart. I got lots of hugs and kisses, and an ear full about what they did with Dad all weekend. I am amazed at what a good father Bill is. The kids were all in one piece, the house was immaculate, laundry basket empty, and he even worked on the dining room restoration. They went to the park and rode bikes, jumped on rocks at the little creek there, and even made it to Walmart to get Cody his first watch! (we had promised him that as soon as he could recognize all of the alphabet, and could recognize his sight words, we would get him a little watch. He is so proud of it!).

This is a song that we sing A TON on Emmaus, Via de Cristo, or Cursillos weekends. Here is a site that tells a bit about the song.
decolores

There are a ton of verses, these are my favorites:

DE COLORES

De colores,
De colores we witness the sun-up
On clear and bright mornings.

De colores,
De colores the sun gives its treasures
God's light to God's children.

De colores,
De colores the diamond with sparkle
When brought to the Light.

De colores, and so must all love be
Of every bright color
To make my heart cry (repeat)

Joyfully,
Joyfully we live in God's friendship
Because God has willed it.

Faithfully,
Faithfully, we will slake the great thirsting
Of Christ the Immortal.

Joyfully,
Joyfully we will bring to our Saviour
A harvest of souls.

Pouring outward the light from within
The grace of our God
His infinite life. (repeat)

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Things are very quiet here the last couple of days. The nausea is still in full force, with some vomiting yesterday, and the bone-tired feeling is here every afternoon/evening. I am hovering at a 1.5lb weight gain above my pre-pregnancy weight. I had lost 5.5lbs in the first trimester, and I gained it all back, plus the 1.5lbs, so I think things look good there. I would imagine the gain will pick up as the m/s subsides.

On the way out the door for school this morning, the boys called us outside frantically to see the "big, huge, spider". We had some rain, and there was a small tarantula on the steps. We watched it scrurry across the walk and into some bushes. Cory wanted to step on it, and Bill and I explained that the spider was good for the garden, and ate the "bad bugs". Hopefully it will be smart and remain hidden!!

As for cravings, they are sort of stifled right now with the m/s, but chips and tomatillo salsa really hit the spot at 9:30 a.m.! ;*)

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

AC repair man did not make it on Monday due to it being his anniversary. Whew, the last few days have been a bit warm here. Being in Texas, you can't really depend on October meaning cool weather. It was in the low 90's, upper 80's Sunday and Monday. Monday was bad due to the humidity. Afternoon and evening until around midnight were the worst. This old house takes a long time to cool off after the heat of the day warms it up. But, we made it and AC man showed up today. $503 dollars later we had a cool house. He could have taken my first born as long as I got some cold air going!!LOL!!

Found out yesterday that my SIL is having a little boy!!! I am so excited for her. She has a little girl that is almost 7, so this will be a perfect compliment to their family. She is due in early February, so our babies will only be about 6 weeks apart!!! Very cool. US showed a very healthy baby, and that is the best news of all!

I am feeling more and more little thumps. Every time I feel it, I think "There really IS a baby in there!" LOL!! I am sure looking forward to feeling consistent movement. That is just such a reassuring thing, and so much fun. I can't wait for Bill and the boys to be able to feel the baby move!

Morning sickness has returned the last few days. Not too bad, but bad enough. I have lost my appetite again, and eating is a real effort. But, I am not losing any weight, so this is good. I know that it will be gone in a few weeks, so I will just enjoy it while it lasts:*)

Cory's hamster died early Tuesday morning. He was very, very old, and his number came up. He got pretty sick on Sunday, (after a somewhat taxing play session outside with Cody, our 5yo...he was gentle with him, but "Daddy Mousy" was brittle, and crawled between the holes in the wicker rocker, and Cody pulled him out) and I knew he would die within a day, so I put Cory in the rocking chair with the hamster and he held him, rocked him, and cried. Cory had a really rough time with it. He has such a tender heart with animals. He cares for them deeply, and it hurts him really bad when they die. We buried Daddy Mousy under the pecan tree in the backyard. May he rest in peace!

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Took a few days off from my journal. No time! The boys were out of school a 1/2 day on Friday, and the rest of the time I have been busy sewing and enjoying the outdoors!

On Thursday afternoon, I got 3 down pillows made, a pillow case, and I finished my quilt top! Whew. In between all that, I have been coughing my fool head off. Still the common cold, but it is drip, drip, drip, and that gives a tickle in my throat, which sends me into spasmodic coughing fits a couple times each day. Sort of forced Kegels! LOL! Today, I feel like the cold is on its way out, thank God!!

This morning I took off and went shopping. Got the fabric for my quilt back, so now I can finish it off! Then hit a couple of stores looking for some comfortable maternity jeans. Finally found them at JC Pennys. My belly is even filling in the stretch panel a bit! Also found a white button down and another nice top. So, now I have 3 pairs of long pants and a few long sleeved shirts. In addition to the maternity clothes I already have, that should be all I need to get me through the winter.

Other than the marathon sewing, I have been trying to relax at home. I have a big, white, wicker rocker filled with fluffy pillows on my back porch, and I loaded my little side table up with some good magazines, baby name books etc., and have been spending the afternoons there while Quinn plays in the yard. The weather has been so glorious and it has been nice to be outside. It is heating up a bit more today, which is really unfortunate since our AC went out. The repair man will be here Monday. Last night was nice and cool with all the windows open, and I am hoping for a repeat in coolness for tonight and tomorrow night. Where IS that other cool front?????

Bill had the boys playing outside all day, and when I called them in a bit ago, they were wonderfully filthy.....as in David Copperfield and chimney sweeping. I bathed them and scrubbed them down to the pink again! Quinn just now crawled in my lap and snuggled down against me. His hair is still damp and he smells like watermelon scented shampoo. There is nothing in the world like snuggling with your child. Absolutely nothing.

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

14 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoohoo!!!!! Add a heartbeat of 160 today at the doctor, and you have a baby growing well and one week into the 2nd trimester!!!!! Someone pinch me!! At Warrington on Monday, , there was sooooo much walking and I got really tired after lunch. I asked a man if I could sit on his bench and he said, "As long as you don't have that baby"! I was so surprised...I guess I am showing obviously now, which got me to thinking......How can I be doubting this???? The mind can really play tricks on you.

Yesterday was a glorious day. DH came home for lunch and we talked about the house restoration that needed to be done. Got some firm ideas, and called a contractor! After lunch, around 1pm, Quinn and I went outside and enjoyed the gorgeous weather. The sun was out, and it was in the 70's. Just beautiful. We got the guinea pig, Phoebe, out of her cage and let her play in the backyard. She and Quinn had a great afternoon. I moved stuff around in the yard, and Phoebe followed me around like a little puppy. When I sat down in the lounge, she laid down next to it, kicked her feet out behind her, and sunned herself. Totally hilarious. We stayed out until around 3:30 and it felt so wonderful.

Today the contractor came and looked at what we wanted to do in relation to the front bedroom etc. and gave us some great ideas. Looks like he will be able to start at the first of the year, so maybe the first phase will be complete by the time the baby is due. He will not be able to do the new bathroom, so we still have to find a contractor for that. He did confirm that it would be easy to do, which set my mind at ease. So, after 2 years of waiting, it looks like we might be ready to get some work done!

Another sunny day today!!! Nice and cool, very Fall-like. We will head outdoors again today with Phoebs and take advantage of it! Air conditioner is off, windows and doors are open, and the house smells so clean and fresh. I love this time of the year. When the older boys get home, we will put out the Fall and Halloween decorations. I love October!!