Episode 9 - List of feels extension

02:40

Hi Healerites! I've been late on the Healer train but like you, I am also finding it hard to move on. This show has caused me to de-lurk on DB under the moniker Ichoosewest *wink wink* and lurk every single day on the soompi Healer thread. I also check moru moru daily for new content. I sooo eagerly await namedx's Feels series and share them with my sister who is also a fellow Healerite.

That said, I've read the last one and, namedx, I have to say...DAEBAK! Rock on, girl! I just couldn't help but be inspired by you and wrote an expansion on your Feels, because I felt that that scene of Jung Ho in the warehouse needed more expounding.

The way that Jung Ho slowly walks in parallel to Young Shin on the street feels like a push and pull between the man and his secret alter ego. The man in Jung Ho instinctively seeks out his woman, and he stares intently at her partly to reassure himself that she has indeed narrowly escaped death, and partly because he simply just can't help it. He longs to be nearer but the Healer in him keeps him at a distance. This boy, who has grown up in ignorance of love, is wary, of this seemingly weakening, knee-buckling feeling. Yet at the same time, he is infinitely curious and hungry for it. Love, after all, for those of us in the know, is responsible for that "unbearable lightness of being". Such a beautiful feeling...

Despite the obvious bitter cold, we find him settling in comfortably for that long, intimate phonebooth chat, because he is craving the warmth of what he is feeling. The way he plunks right down, it is almost as if he is burrowing into it, snuggling into the warmth of it. Young Shin does the same, recognizing on a deep level that this is a person that she will turn to for comfort and to return her to a feeling of safety after her harrowing ordeal.

Thus, his informal way of speaking creeps back in because he cannot help but relax his guard with her, and only with her. He doesn't really mind that Young Shin catches him at it again, because at this point, I really think that it is not his secret life that is holding him back. It is his utter lack of experience in how to proceed. His excuses are flimsy and half-hearted, almost as if he is inviting Young Shin to discover the truth about "that person" so she can be the one to initiate the next step they will take toward each other.

Jung Ho continues to carry that new warmth in him until he reaches his cold, lonely warehouse. He sees the juxtaposition of the lightness of his feelings against the darkness of his life thus far. It is then he realizes that his life was nothing but shadows. Sabu had been there, but never even bothered to show himself. People leave shadows of themselves for him to find. He is utterly alone. Thus, he has learned to live as a shadow, with no real human emotion. That sharp distinction between his ebullient feelings for Young Shin and the loneliness of his life quickly brings him to grief and pain. Grief and pain and sorrow that he should have already felt before and processed. He cries out his anguish and resentment into the empty cavern of his until he is purged of it. Jung Ho has learned to feel.

Ep10 spoilerish:

And may I just add. That lone rant at Sabu was significant because it gave way to that confession scene in ep10. He really was purged. The floodgates opened up and he just let himself be swept away by his feelings. He lay it on the line for Young Shin on the rooftop.

@Anonymous from above, you might think you are alone, but you are not. It is the magic of art in any form that it allows people to communicate and relate to other people. It could be novels, or poetry, dance, music, movies or kdrama. Someone, somewhere out there relates to you. You are more fortunate than Healer in this. That is a comfort that I myself have taken advantage of in the past. I read books, and I relate to the characters, and find that I understand myself more through them. Healer was so clueless and isolated that he cannot even relate to Superman, to whom he has been compared.

Also, the Healer community is a warm, loving thing! You are not alone! Cheers! :D

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