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Studying about chemotherapeutic agents for my exam and suddenly images of the day chemo stopped working and how they told us nothing further to do comes to mind. And the way he cried, big man crying like a child and the way we wept when he saw his dad. Heartbreaking.
Wish I can punch GBM in the face for robbing me/him of life.

You guys are awesome. Yes I am trying to move on. At the car dealer with books and yet thoughts like “ if he was here he would have taken my car for service” comes to mind and I spend a few minutes lost and tears welling up. Then I come here to say hi and to find some sort of comfort. Next week is our anniversary, its going to be a hard one. All the firsts I guess will be hard. Memorial Day bbq without him, the foodie was especially hard..

I hope that your lonesome days get fewer as time goes by.
AND that each of your memories bring a smile instead of a tear.
I know that your husband does not exist physically anymore; but we here can 'hear' his spirit echo in your posts. He was such a lucky soul to have had you as a partner!
Please take of yourself,
Regards,
zim

well, I have been busy studying for the usmle and its been crazy schedule so I am mostly busy but I am glad in a way because it kinda keeps me out of trouble in some sense.
Sometimes I try to remember the way his hands felt or the way his laugh was and i have a mini fear of not remembering but then I realize I do...I wonder if you guys ever forget those little things about your loved ones.
I have learned to kind of stay away from certain events which trigger a wave of emotions like bridal showers (where i am the only widow) and big church gatherings, where I used to sit with him and have lunch but now i just sit some someone else.Its all kinda sad still. Someday i guess ill have to be brave and face these things alone and move forward. I am used to sleeping alone now I think. Its all a process. I am not sure if I have told you guys this before or if I am allowed even say this, but I have found reading the book option B to be useful. Its written by sheryl Sandberg. Maybe some of you would like to check it out if you have lost your loved one. Hope the day is going well, for the caregivers I send out a big hug. Its hard, I know. Enjoy the hours.

There are places I still won't go back to, more than 5 years on, and I don't suppose I ever will. I went back to my sister's favorite Indian restaurant a couple years ago, and it was still just as good as I remembered but notheless I was violently ill afterward, so scratch that.

In the end, we are changed by this and that's all there is to it. But don't worry about the memories. They remain. Sometimes I think we block them at first because it's easier.

I looked up ‘option B’ and found it very interesting. I just read the extracts, but caught the threat.
I’m sure that every survivor can benefit greatly from that book.

There are always different ‘Options’ in life. As they say ‘the road less traveled ‘may ; or may not, be the best today’s Option. NOW, YOU seem to have it mostly all together, even with the burden you continue to carry. Staying focused on your education speaks volumes about your character and is a wonderful way to pay tribute to your late husband!

As far as avoiding things goes; might I suggest remembering the place that you and your husband laughed the hardest; (regardless the cause), and go there to re-capture that moment. You may cry, but you should re-capture the laughter also. Doing these steps one at time through other places and events should help you move to fond memories instead of sad ones.

You can’t go back. BUT you can both treasure the memories and move forward in the healing process. For every one step backward, take two (or three) steps forward until you will smile at all those wonderful memories you created together.

Bless you, please take care of yourself! (AND: Keep up with those studies!)