As you already know, Halloween is coming up soon and I was wondering if you had any costume ideas that you wouldn't mind sharing with me, because I am all out of ideas. Any input would be much appreciated.

Sincerely,
Travis

Travis,

Oh, what a wonderful question! Grammatically correct, spelled perfectly, and youâ€™re actually seeking a useful piece of knowledge! Too bad I have no ideas at all.

Iâ€™m kidding, of course. Sort of. Well, I donâ€™t have any ideas now, but Iâ€™m going to retreat to the Joe College Laboratory and come up with a few.

(Disappears for several minutes while theme to â€œMannixâ€ plays.)

Iâ€™ve got it! But first, was someone watching Mannix? Because thatâ€™s a strange thing to have been watching. Aaaaanyway...

The following are my favorite costume ideas (ripped from the headlines!), in no order other than ascending importance.

-The most popular costume this year will probably be Strong Bad. Wear boxing gloves, a Mexican wrestling mask, and answer emails in a much funnier way than I do.

-Since everyone always wipes the floor with you anyway, you can just go as a mop. (Oh, snap!)

-Try a dining hall attendant costume. This is best accomplished by asking everyone for their dining dollars.

-Go as a war protester. Donâ€™t go to class for a week and then cause a lot of traffic (Joe College gets political!)

-If you donâ€™t have any weapons of mass destruction, you can go as Iraq (Joe College stays political!)

-Go as the guy from Mannix. Make sure to look like youâ€™re from the 60s, or people will just think youâ€™re some guy shooting people.

-Or you can wear cat ears, angel wings, and carry a pitchfork and go as every freakin girl on your campus.
Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, "That laboratory kind of looks like my bathroom."

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