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The Milan Fashion Week schedule is an impressive list of powerhouse labels from Armani, Prada, Fendi, Cavalli, Versace and Gucci. Italian luxury brands also appear impervious to the economic crisis thanks to demand from wealthy consumers in the Far East. So why is the Italian fashion establishment worried?

The Milan Fashion Week schedule is an impressive list of powerhouse labels from Armani, Prada, Fendi, Cavalli, Versace and Gucci. Italian luxury brands also appear impervious to the economic crisis thanks to demand from wealthy consumers in the Far East. So why is the Italian fashion establishment worried?

I recently wrote on this site that, in reference to the recently published photos of the Duchess of Cambridge, pregnant and on holiday, that '...our morbid fascination with this bizarre, ordinary family invests them with a sort of inverted dignity just by them doing and saying nothing of real consequence.' I didn't expect such a vivid illustration to present itself so soon.

If you stop and think for a moment, this whole thing isn't really about Kate Middleton. Sure, she's the focus of this round, but you're noticing it because she's ubiquitous enough that everyone feels they can give an opinion and because it involves talking about women's bodies and women's representations in the media.

Kate faces the same problem that every other royal faces when they're out in public. The very moment that they step out of line, say something a little risque or a little daring, then get absolutely pilloried. So for the past decade, Kate has been absolutely squeaky clean.

Initial reaction from pretty much every female I know was horror, not so much that the Duchess of Cambridge can't so much as sneeze without someone capturing the moment for posterity, but that if you're going to be photographed in a bikini, you want a tiny bit of warning, and that's even if the picture is only being saved to someone's iPhone, rather than splashed across supermarket shelves the world over.

Just the teensiest point of order about the Duchess of Cambridge pictures being "mistakenly" flashed to millions of viewers on ITV's This Morning: would it be too daring, too risky, to suggest that, just perhaps, there was no mistake whatsoever about it?

Some thoughts over pizza at a restaurant in Rome after a 14 hour day on three hours sleep. I'm in Italy reporting on the Pope when another story breaks. Pictures of the royal baby bump appear in an Italian gossip magazine. Back to work for me, I'll never get to finish that pizza now.

So let's say the royal couple have two children and want to send them both to prep school at seven, followed by five years at a leading public school. Time to start saving? Or at least to ask the grandparents if they've considered downsizing?

For most the symptoms will be nothing more than mild nausea, but for others it can be more severe, with an inability to hold down food throughout the day and often lasting for weeks if not months. The good news is that usually the symptoms pass quickly, and if you follow my simple practical tips, can be kept under control.

Rest assured that this is a very early present for the PR industry. PRs will be peddling their wares and attaching products and brand events onto the media charabang at every opportunity. Sales speak stronger than sentiment, and the baby care PR pixies have been stat-spinning like a tribal dervish overcome by super-strength hallucinogenic cacti.

These two DJs are now also the victims and they are hurting. They look as if they are two tormented souls. They obviously feel as if they have caused this tragic death, this is evident in the interview. Never in my time have I ever seen two people's faces more wracked with guilt or more riddled with remorse.

By the time the Duchess left the King Edward VII Hospital, back to her professional, smiling self, there can't have been a media outlet across the world that hadn't carried the news that she was expecting. Of course as we all now know, sad to say, the story did not end there. Hilarity at a prank call to the hospital by two Australian DJs, turned to horror as news broke towards the end of the week that the nurse who had taken the call had allegedly committed suicide.

Let's coin a new term for the Royal Twins. Let's call them... The Pwins (Trademark pending).
What if these twins happened to be a healthy little boy - and a healthy little girl... And now - the last and most wondrous step of all: What if the babies were delivered by Caesarean Section?

Monarchies codify the superiority of a man to a woman. A king always outranks a queen - a man always outranks a woman. The highest position in a royal house may never be occupied by a woman because the highest position is that of king, which is reserved for a man.

About DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE

Born on January 9 1982, the Duchess of Cambridge is five months older than Prince William. The pair married on 29 April 2011, having met at Scotland's University of St Andrews in 2001. The couple split briefly in 2007, but later reunited and became engaged during a holiday in Kenya to celebrate the Prince passing his RAF helicopter search and rescue course.
On 14 January 2013, St James's Palace announced that the Duchess was expecting her first child in July 2013.