Some people love September and some people hate it. If it were a food, September would be sushi.

September knows it’s not universally loved. That’s why it teamed up with April, June and November to be one of the shortest months of the year. September is nothing if not diplomatic; if you hate it, it’s a mere 30 days. If you love it, you’ll appreciate it even more because it’s so fleeting.

But love it or hate it, September is here, right in front of us, as plain as a pouch of pickled ginger. We’re just going to have to deal with it.

Personally, I try to keep an open mind about September. I approach it the same way I would a strange dog. Is it going to be tame or rabid? Will it go for my throat or roll over for a belly scratch? I’m perfectly willing to make friends with September, but until it sniffs my hand and wags its tail, there’s no way I’m going to trust it.

By the way, in Poland, Krakow’s massive Dachshund Parade takes place in September.

September used to be the seventh month of the year, hence the “sept” in its name. But in 49 BC, it got elbowed to the ninth position by Julian and Augustus, the two big, strapping, 31-day kick-sand-in-your-face summer months.

September might be short, but it’s not lazy. It begins with labour day, a day we set aside to honour the hard-working workers of the world. We do this the best way we know how: By not moving a single muscle.

Sadly, September’s reputation continues to be tarnished by the Labour Day long weekend. Long weekends are usually good. Most months would love to have one. But Labour Day is not Victoria Day, no matter how much lipstick you put on it.

The insidious Fall and Autumn Lobby would have you believe that summer ends after the Labour Day long weekend. Yes, the weather is changing. But winter’s long enough around here. Do we have to play into its hands by handing over the last three weeks of summer? Don’t be fooled! Fully 75 per cent of September takes place IN THE SUMMER. It’s just too modest to take the credit for it.

Poor September has also been sullied by its association with the start of the school year. There isn’t a public relations firm on earth that can smooth over that fact. But it’s always worse anticipating the start of the school year than actually being in it, which puts the real blame on August; that’s when the real back-to-school agonizing takes place. So take it up with August. If you can track him down on vacation.

Songwriters are often inspired by the wistfulness of September (See You in September, September Morn, Wake Up When September Ends). Also, it’s easier to make words rhyme with September than April.

Of course, ever since 2001, September has had to cringe on its 11th day. Given the cooler weather and shorter days, it’s a fitting month to host such a chilling reminder.

Some little-known September facts:

• Whichever day of the week September starts with, December will start on the same one. Bit of a trendsetter, eh?

• Anglo Saxons celebrated “Barley Month” in September. College students have studiously maintained the tradition.

• September is Healthy Aging Month. Later in the year, later in life; it’s a good fit. January, similarly, is perfect for Cryogenic Preservation Month.

• There are three flowers associated with September: The Forget-Me-Not and, um, two others.

Though it was relegated to ninth on the list of months, September did make sure it retained some relevance by claiming two huge occasions for its own: National Preparedness Day in the United States and Grandparents’ Day.

OK, I’m kidding. These aren’t the biggest days ever. Do grandparents even need a day? They already know how much we appreciate them. That’s why we let them babysit our children and spend way too much money on birthday presents and that’s why we let them build us cabins and take us on Caribbean cruises. Grandparents need a special day as well? Spoiled.

National Preparedness Day, I know nothing about. (If I knew I would be writing about it today, I’d have done some research). But if I were preparing for National Preparedness Day, I’d probably buy lots of prepared mustard and Preparation H. Then, I’d invite everyone to a Prep Rally. Then, I’d let a Boy Scout loose and send a pack of dachshunds after him.

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