John Kerry Describes Why Air Conditioners Are as Deadly as ISIS

OVER THE ATLANTIC (The Barbed Wire) – Flying back to the States from another failed foreign policy mission, Secretary of State John Kerry was asked by the press to clarify his recent asinine remarks that equated air conditioners being as deadly to our population as ISIS. Here is Kerry’s response:

Those of you who know me know what a complete loon I am about climate change, global warming, whatever we want to call it. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I read in the paper that media reports had twisted my remarks to mean that air conditioners put out emissions that harm the environment. That they cause damage to the ozone layer, which could cause widespread death.

That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying that if air conditioner units were dropped from planes, they could cause as much damage as members of ISIS. We’ve conducted experiments in lab settings where an AC unit was dropped from the sky on test dummies and they were either crushed, beheaded, or looked like they had been blown up.

In one test, we simulated a dummy who happened to be a welder. When the AC unit came crashing down from above, the impact struck part of the welding equipment and sparked a fire – burning the dummy alive. Just like ISIS has done to some of their victims.

You can see how, if you were standing under one of those falling air conditioner units, you could be hurt just as badly as if you were attacked by members of ISIS. Imagine a terror attack where ISIS loaded a plane with AC units and flew over a major city, randomly dropping them on people below. I know, it’s a terrifying thought.”