After all, Mr Gove knew better than anyone how useless Mr Cameron was. Well, Mr Gove knew better than anyone about everything. That was what made Mr Gove what he was.

Still, winning the election made Mr Gove happy, and he was smiling as he went in to see Mr Cameron, looking forward to being given a new job. Mr Gove had not really enjoyed being Chief Whip: it wasn’t nearly as interesting a job as the name suggested. He had particularly disliked being stuck in the toilet when something important happened: it reminded him too much of his school days.

And when Mr Cameron offered him the job of Lord Chancellor, Mr Gove was especially pleased. The robes. The regalia. The history. The law. Magna Carta. Truth. Justice.

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