Bestowing

I do not the know the happiness of receiving; and often I dreamed that stealing must be more blessed than receiving.This is my poverty, that my hand never rests from bestowing; this is my envy, that I see waiting eyes and the illuminated nights of longing.Oh misery of all bestowers! Oh darkening of my sun! Oh craving to crave! Oh ravenous hunger in satiety!They receive from me, but do I still touch their souls? There is a cleft between giving and receiving; and the closest cleft is the last to be bridged.A hunger grows out of my beauty; I wish to harm those for whom I shine, I wish to rob those on whom I have bestowed: – thus I hunger for malice.Withdrawing my hand when a hand already reaches for it; hesitating like the waterfall that hesitates even while plunging – thus I hunger for malice.My fullness plots such vengeance; such trickery gushes from my loneliness.My happiness in bestowing died in bestowing, my virtue wearied of itself in its superabundance!For one who always bestows, the danger is loss of shame; whoever dispenses always has calloused hands and heart from sheer dispensing.