OECD Declares Every Country To Be World’s Happiest… Except Yours!

Last week, headlineseverywhere declared that the OECD had conducted a study, and determined Denmark was the happiest country in the world! “Who invited the Obsessive and Extra-Compulsive Disorder Society to Denmark?” we worried, wondering if they would lose their minds trying to scrub clean the dirt paths of Copenhagen drug/hippie commune Freetown Christiania.

Turns out OECD stands for Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development. Also turns out the news is abuzz as days later Bloomberg reported that the OECD has found Australia to be the world’s happiest country! Apparently, the folks in Australia are so humble that they become happier when another nation receives international recognition. Which will lead to their new recognition as the happiest nation to cause Australian self-loathing misery, forcing the OECD to select…

3 Worse Countries To Label “The World’s Happiest Country”

1. Vatican City. We kind of find it surprising that this country of 800 didn’t check the “totally satisfied” and “ten out of ten” satisfaction boxes on the happiness survey, especially knowing that God is watching and expects praise. Every time we bring in our cars to the dealer, they remind us to fill in a ten-out-of-ten when the survey comes in the mail, and we do it for fear of bad service next time. But there lies the problem: admitting that you are having too much fun in the Vatican would probably displease God. This conundrum probably caused citizens of the Vatican great stress filling out the survey, leading to instant unhappiness, which is why it’s probably a good thing they were left out of the top spot.

2. Taiwan. Sure, it would be nice for the people of Taiwan, until China is all like “Hey, Taiwan you’re not a country, you are under our rule. And we would like delivery of our share of Happy Meals, please, as required under our Constitution!” Then suddenly Taiwan’s happiness vote gets diluted by a billion other votes and they lose access to Facebook, so they can’t even enjoy the complicated Zynga game “Mandarin Words With Friends“.

3. Puerto Rico. Similar to the Taiwanese situation, people forget that Puerto Rico is only a country during the Olympics. Otherwise it’s a territory of the USA. Unless you live there and want to vote for the next President, in which case it’s more like the “Just Visiting” jail space in Monopoly. With all this confusion, no wonder American kids fare so poorly on National Geographic geography test scores!