I for one, am thoroughly enjoying these guest posts. There is something so refreshing in seeing other point-of-views and knowing that you can pretty much relate with at least some part of it. Going through the miscarriage was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Knowing that my thoughts were so similar to others having to experience the same thing, has literally been my saving grace. It is what is helping me heal. Of course then I feel like a total douche-canoe for even thinking that.Rah! Rah! More people I know with broken dreams!

We met with our doctor this past Thursday to discuss ICSI and our next protocol. But then Friday we went to the Minnesota State Fair and I ate myself rotund in Pronto Pups and deep fried candy bars. Saturday we canned. Like all day. Tomatoes, pickles, salsa, and green beans. We have 50 pints of green beans. Sunday, we ran our errands and decided it was just.too.hot. so we went to a ridiculously expensive water park that I am almost positive is coming out of the kids’ “Creating Life” fund. So this update is coming a bit late.

We may have (some sort of) answers. He told us the Dhea and total testosterone levels were normal. The AMH test wasn’t back yet. He went over all of the cycles and bloodwork results since we started there in December. When he came to the IVF cycle, my stomach clenched. I saw a lot of numbers written down. No where in the chart did it say, “Adam.” Dr. Kuneck called him the next best thing. My single beautiful embryo.

Then there were the two “abnormal” embryos that Adam was hanging out in the petri dish with for three days. When the embryologist called and told me that two of the three embryos were abnormal, I remember asking what that meant. “Just that they didn’t divide correctly,” was what she said. Maybe she mistook me for Miley-fucking-Cyrus, but she could have told me the actual reason. I, along with my fellow infertiles, are, like, tah-tally in the know. We “get” things. It’s not that hard to understand.

It would appear, ladies and gents, that not one, but two of those cray-cray sperms got in to those eggs. Two sperm. Got in. My eggs. I didn’t think that was even possible. It’s not supposed to be. Polyspermy. More than two sperm enter the egg, because the zona pellucida (the outer shell surrounding the egg) is a little whore and lets everyone in to party. Normally, in my fellow fertiles, this would be an impossibility. Because only one sperm can enter one egg to make a successful embaby. To simplify:

However, in my case, if my eggs had issues Just Saying No, and had a weak shell, then it makes total sense that more than one sperm was able to get in and ruin everybody’s lives. It’s like one too many hands in the Doritos Bag, people. It’s just makes everyone crabby.

So hence the reason for ICSI: injecting just one of the best sperm into each egg, so that more of my eggs have a chance to fertilize normally. He told me I miscarried by chance. Before you say that sounds harsh, it’s actually comforting. Dr. K wasn’t concerned that I miscarried. So it gives me hope that next time around, we still just have to focus on fertilization and let my body do the rest. He told us he wants to transfer two from now on. Because, he explained, if we go through, let’s say three more cycles, transferring a total of 6 embryos and none of them survive to a baby, that’s when he will tell us enough and we will have to move on.

We are also going to do a micro-Lupron protocol this time around, with a higher dose, earlier on to see if my body can produce more eggs. We are also going to do a double HCG trigger, meaning two IM injections (cue Chris, my ass, and lots of ice) 12-hours apart. All this, along with transferring two embryos, will hopefully be it.

I asked him what would happen if my AMH test came back with less than ideal results. He said that it is up to Attain to make the decision if they want to gamble on us, with my old-ass eggs. He (and this is the best part) looks at us and tells us that if this happens, he will call them. And fight for us. And that 80% of the time, Attain will reverse the decision in the opinion of the doctor.

Well today I got a voice mail from him saying my AMH came back at 0.61 and they ideally want it over 0.7. He told me that it’s low, but not too low and that he feels this micro-Lupron protocol, along with ICSI was the best decision.

It’s strange, but I feel this horrible urge to run to every person who has told me to Just relax- Are you sure you’re doing it right?-You’re probably just stressed and go HA! In Yo Face! I DO have a problem! But that wouldn’t be very nice.

Do it! Who cares if it's nice or not? Telling you that bull wasn't very nice, but they did it anyway! Ok so maybe don't do it, unless, you can do it in an educating, so-you'll-know-for-future-infertiles kind of way. Infertility is a disease! I wish people realized that fact. I had the pleasure of enduring lunch with 3 of my co-workers (who meant well) last week telling me when we adopt we'll get pregnant and the classic go on vacation because so and so that they know got pregnant after doing this or that. My response-"maybe I'll get pregnant. I… Read more »

Thanks for sharing this! We have to do ICSI as we're working with moderate male factor, and I was curious when you mentioned ICSI in a prior post, as I know Chris has super studly sperm. (serious, I don't think if you added all of my Husband's Wank In a Cup contributions it would equal one of Chris's) but it makes sense even in this situation. And yes, you totally should tell off every person who gave you the just relax crap!

Another blogger (I don't remember who) recently wrote about two sperm fertilizing her eggs during IVF too. It must not be that uncommon with IVF, although that was the first I had heard of it. Eager little guys, fighting over the eggs!I'm glad you have some semi- "answers" and a plan to move forward. Good luck!!

So glad you finally got some answers. I hope ICSI is what does it for you. That's what finally worked for us. I believe we had some of the same issues of the cells just not dividing correctly and also with more than one sperm making it through the barrier.

Wow, your eggs are floozies! Or maybe they were just super-intent (like you) on getting knocked up once and for all 🙂 It sounds like your MD has a good plan and learned a lot from your last cycle- hoping you get to start soon!

I'm so glad you at least got some answers and that you are feeling positive about moving forward. You are my she-ro in all of this and I so want to see you end up with a baby in your arms! Good luck to you and Chris 🙂

Another lie from health class… "two sperm CAN'T get in. the egg won't let them". Man oh man, I'd sure like to educate my health teacher. That totally sucks Risa, but I'm glad they know the reason! It sounds like ICSI will be a great solution! Wishing you all the best!

I TOTAL relate to the Ha! In yo face moment..except for me it was like I fucking knew it so fuck all y'all! With over 20 polyps in my uterus do you really think "relaxing" or changing my "overly busy" schedule would have made a freaking difference?? It was so validating! I knew someone who did IVF after 6plus yrs of TTC…when they got the egg and sperm in the dish they saw right away what the problem was, egg repelled sperm and wouldn't even let them get close! They did the injecting of the sperm into the egg and… Read more »

I have taken great pleasure in putting some well-meaining assvice givers in their place… if 'relaxing' or 'taking a vacation' could fix DOR, APS, and MFI, we would have at least a dozen children by now! I know people mean well, and don't understand, but really- they start to sound like a broken record after a while!

It is nice to have some answers, even when they aren't exactly what you want to hear. Because answers allow us to make plans. Hoping like crazy that things work out better the second time around, with some modificiations!

Ho-Bag city!!!It sounds like you have a great advocate in your doctor. That's pretty refreshing. I am so glad you were approved. can't wait for both of us to get BFP's from ICSI eventually. IT'S YOUR TURN! DO you know when you are going to schedule it?

As for being grateful to not be alone, I understand it. It's not that you're glad others know your heartache, but it helps to know you're not the only one and there are others you can talk to who do know and won't offer all the trite platitudes that don't help and often make the heartache worse.

Don't you love it when you get some kind of answer that can be fixed and makes sense? So glad that you have an idea of how to make things go better next time. And yeah, those fertiles can just suck it. 🙂

I love your RE and how he is totally willing to go to battle for you. When ICSI was explained to me, I wondered why more people didn't do it. It just seemed like a no brained to me to have THE BEST sperm picked out and put right into the egg. But then again, if you added my husbands "goods" with JAllen's husbands wank in a cup together, they still might not add up to your husbands super sperm! ICSI was not an option for us, we had to do it.