Saturday, February 27, 2016

Cheng Xiao and Bona can carry this group visually. Starship really fucked up by not using "Catch Me" as the title track. Anyway, expect a lot of reviews from HYSF and I to come out over the next week or two. I know for example HYSF is going to cover "Mo Mo Mo" while I'm waiting for the "Catch Me" MV to come out. It's just pretty hard to keep track of all of these MVs coming out when you have so much happening in the real world, and that's why we're more behind than usual on the MV reviews.

I have been a T-ara fan for many years. I have always supported my unnies, but I couldn't just let this one go. I am shocked and saddened to find out that you have turned into a slut. I remember back in the "Like a First Time" days when you were very pretty and appealing without resorting to taking your shirt off and balancing on the floor like some kind of disgusting slutty seal. To think I respected you and admired you and bought a signed "Nice Body" album. I want you to know I burned it. No, not like I made a copy of it. I put it in the trashcan and burned it to ashes.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Aww yeah, the MV teaser for "Catch Me" looks good. The fancams from their first performance were good, and Cheng Xiao's will be featured on Friday. The teaser is good, but I could do without the T-ara effects. That shit is getting older than dinosaur turds.

I'm mainly excited because it's another promising girl group to usher in the new era (Red Velvet, Twice, Oh My Girl, Lovelyz, Girlfriend, Sonamoo, Mamamoo and maybe some others like CLC and Laboum).

Anyway, watch Cheng Xiao either be ignored like Victoria was for her first couple of years or everywhere like Tzuyu. We shouldn't have to worry about a retarded controversy with Cheng Xiao since she's from the mainland, but who the fuck knows, this is K-pop, land of the retarded controversies.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Brave Girls, with a massive member change, came out of Brave Brothers' dungeon after about three years. It took me a while to find out what the fuck people meant when they were calling this song "Deepened" because it doesn't match the Korean title at all. First world problems here, yo.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

So GFriend was on a show called "My Little Television" where the group went to a guy's house and found toilet paper next to his computer. The jokes write themselves, and the GFriend members were not shy in making some non-extreme fap jokes. Now when I first heard this, I laughed because, well, a group like GFriend making fap jokes is funny. Of course, nothing can be enjoyed these days without people on Pann bitching about how problematic it is.

However, the comments are a step above the regular idiocy that we've come to expect ...

You'll want to go to 2:20 in the video.I do know that Brave Girls were finally let out of the dungeon and added a bunch of new members, so this video actually makes me want to learn their names before their song comes out.

Big shout out to klogg (the god behind fiddle.se) for making writing articles yesterday and today really easy.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

It's always confusing when k-pop stuff has the same name. How to
tell the difference between idols, groups and other k-pop things these
days?

Never
one to shy away from tackling the big issues, Kpopalypse is here to
help! This post will list some stuff with the same name or similar
features, and use helpful questions and answers to highlight the
important differences between them! Yay!

Japanese Empress Hirai Momo had her V App today. I have no idea what it is/was, but I saw people tweet about it before I had to go to work. Words and shit, just watch Momo dance and shit while I go write some articles to schedule for tomorrow and Friday!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Another Sunday, another Sunday Shitpost. It's the first post-football Sunday, and since baseball season is still two months away, the Sunday Shitpost is the only entertainment that I look forward to on Sundays.

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Now I've been in Kpop world long enough to know that there a lot of pointless yet terribly addictive things you can get yourself involved in. Some of these are so fucking cringeworthy, but in the best possible way. And once you're caught in the whirlwind, it's unlikely for you to be able to get out again. I, my friends, have learned this the hard way. So now, being the Saint that I am, made this article to tell you not to do the same mistakes I did. If you know what's good for yourself and your children, you might wanna steer away from this stuff, no matter how tempting it can be. Here are six things in Kpop/the Kpop Community that you should probably never check out. If you already have then... may the odds be ever in your favor, my deepest condolences to you, your friends and your family.

If you hadn't noticed, she's trying for her firstsecondthirdforth fifth shot at fame in the new performing competition show Produce 101 but instead of delicious fruits & vegetables she's serving up treats such as this:

As much as I would like to express how entertaining I find this failure to live up to even Tiffany-quality singing in a wonderfully articulate article, I'm afraid only Hyeri of Girl's Day can provide an accurate expression of my feelings:

I think that pretty much covers it. All that is left is a conclusion on the matter: RIP Chanmi. That is not a proclamation but rather some advice. You tried. Your career is dead. Go and rest now.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

I almost forgot to write today's Saturday Shitfest. I found out that Mamamoo released a new song. I know a lot of people like the group, but I still haven't warmed up to the group yet. I know that I would run my tongue up and down Moonbyul's buttcrack, though. Does that count for anything?

They would like to know what I'm talking about with some of my fancy-ass music terms

They seem to dig my technical posts for some unknown reason

They are interested in more information on why I like or dislike certain songs

So
here's a little post about pedal-point harmony - a musical term that I
refer to quite often. What the fuck is it? Kpopalypse will explain
all! Although this is a music theory post, you won't need to know
anything about music to understand this post, because I'm going to
attempt to explain pedal-point harmony in a way that any drooling
fangirl can understand. Or maybe not, but we'll certainly talk a lot
about drooling fangirls on the way, just for fun. Don't forget your napkin!

Okay I feel the need to express how I feel about the new concept Teen Top is going for and I thought I'd ask you guys for your opinions while I was at it. Teen Top is one of my favorite boy groups in K-pop. Or rather, was, because this new 'Mature Top' can seriously go fuck themselves for all I care. I get that they're growing up and shit but at least they used to have this really distinctive "Teen Top" sound to them before. Now they sound just like at least a hundred other boy groups out there. The only thing remotely reminiscent of their older days is "Ah-Ah" but that song is weak as fuck. "Warning Sign" and "I'm Sorry" were alright (albeit the latter was an R&B snoozefest that quickly got boring), but "Missing" and Niel's "Lovekiller" were a fucking yawn. And I just don't hear that signature sound of theirs anymore ever since this new "Mature Top" era started with "Missing". Gone is the Teen Top that used to make catchy and addictive music. Whatever happened to the "Crab Man", "Crazy", "Miss Right", "Be Ma Girl", "Supa Luv" (in all its auto-tuned glory) days?

Friday, February 5, 2016

If Mirei was a Final Fantasy character, she would definitely have to be a White Mage. I would be a Black Mage and would cast Blizzard...in which a huge blizzard of semen would shoot out of my penis onto her face. I would then need Mirei to cast Revive and Curaga on my penis.

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Kpop's been all about ugly realities this week. I don't know why. If I wanted reality, I wouldn't be listening to all this kpop. But yeah, in this edition of Best of the Worst, you'll learn Big Bang's boring reality, the truth about 4Minute's latest album sales, and what those hot high heels do to your favorite female idols' bodies.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Good day to you all. Whilst last year I wrote an 'honours list' at the end of every month, it became somewhat stale to write, and I am sure to read, the 'worst of' sections due to most songs being bad by way of being intensely boring. This year, I intend to take some inspiration from James Joyce and write in a more 'stream of consciousness' style; creating a series that will only be entertainingly alliterative for one quarter of the year, leaving us all to survive the other nine months in quiet solemnity, waiting to be brought joy by the mediocre thrill of seeing the tiniest linguistic trick. Basically I will use a series of songs as a springboard for discussion and (hopefully) humour, hopefully this will make the series less repetitive. I will only be focusing on the music, with no outside news coming into it. Now that I have done my spiel, here's January, in whatever order I damn well please.