01 June 2015

In the young adult cancer community I've heard the term "Bucket List" many many times. Even on the first season of the show Chasing Life one of the characters (Leo with Brain Cancer) acts like the Robin Hood of last wishes for his friends in his cancer support group. It is so emotional to watch these young adults experience their last wish. The entire movie The Fault in Our Stars is a final bucket list wish being granted. Granting wishes looks like so much fun, but on this side of my diagnosis wishes can be very intimidating!

Bucket List is defined as a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime. It comes from the term "kick the bucket". So do I have a bucket list? NO. Did I think for a while that I should make one? Absolutely. Making one feels so.... so final. I like the idea of dreaming and I honestly need to be encouraged to dream and escape my day to day stressful details. Yet at the same time I can't stand the thought of leaving this earth with an unfinished list for my family and friends to see. I don't plan to have regrets when I die so I also don't want anyone looking at a list wishing they had help me do something or visit somewhere.
So for now I will just try to dream and accomplish those dreams one tiny plan at a time. I want to continue to realize my destiny knowing that everything God does for me, to me, and through me will help me determine what that looks like.

While I'm on the subject, I'm looking back at the past 4 years. Just 4 years ago was our last day as a family where cancer was not part of the story. Tonight is the anniversary of the night that changed so much for us and helped us really take note of what's important. I came very close to death and I didn't have a bucket list... if I had, I know that this list of adventures from the past 4 years should have been the bulk of it:

See Kirstyn get baptized.

See James ask Jesus to be his Lord and be baptized.

Go to James' kindergarten graduation.

Strengthen my marriage (I think we are ready for a lot less of the negative half of the marriage vows of worse, sickness, and poorer!).

Go away for a weekend with David (We had not gone anywhere alone since our honeymoon in over 10 years of marriage except for one business trip and a couple of weddings if those count!!! Actually I guess we still haven't but we are at least planning a getaway for our 15th.)

Sponsor a child somewhere (We now have loved on 3 kids in Haiti).

Go to Haiti and see how God is working there!

Build a real sandcastle! (Sandcastle building lessons are fun!)

Be given a nickname... My week as Moonshine was amazing.

Go kayaking!

Make new friends (close ones!)

Teach the kids to love GIVING as much as getting.

Learn to Hula Hoop!

Go to Disney World with my family.

See kids learn to love reading.

Watch Kirstyn find such joy in music (piano and singing).

Get to know family! (I have developed close friendships with family members that I am sure I had never spoken to or known before I got sick.)

Start a business that we believe in! (Ask us about Genesis Pure.)

RELAX (translated: learn what's really important)

Focus on the little moments and enjoy the day to day!

I look forward to our future and I hope to have many more years of adventures to report, but for this week I have school award ceremonies and parties to attend...

In case you are wondering David and I are trying to decide where we want to go in January for our 15th anniversary and how much money we can spend on that. I personally want to go to CancerCon (Stupid Cancer's event) in Denver next spring and I want to figure out how to raise lots of money for First Descents so maybe just maybe I can go on another one of their adventure trips that also allows caregivers so David could get away too! This year they offered a trip hiking in Iceland (WOW) so maybe one day. While I'm dreaming we should probably take the kids to the Grand Canyon or the Smithsonian.

No matter what, I want to make sure I am living life in spite of this diagnosis! So since the month of May has come to a close.... please remember that Grey Matters year round!