Friday, October 29, 2010

Parental (Mis)Guidance

The saying, especially in America, is that every generation wants the next generation to have more opportunity
and more success than the previous. It’s a nice sentiment that parents can
stick to when they are deciding to put money into a college fund rather than
take a vacation or when a family sneaks across a dangerous border in order to
ensure their son or daughter has the ability to find a job, even if it’s
picking fruits and vegetables in the murderous sun or mowing some rich guy’s
lawn in Beverly Hills.

Unfortunately, not all parents subscribe to this philosophy. They may think they do, but they don’t. All too
often narrow-minded parents believe that the better life their kid deserves is
the same life they themselves had as a child. Granted, a lot of what existed in
the past would be welcome in today’s world: kids being able to play safely on
their front lawns, humans talking in person rather than texting or Facebooking,
and people actually giving a shit about baseball. Those positives aside, too
many parents are trying to force their outdated childhood on the life
experiences of their progressive children.

Recently, I have been sickened with two stories from close friends regarding
the lack of love and support they received from their parents about the choices
they made in their lives. One friend was struggling to find work and decided to
get into the film industry; a choice frowned upon by her lawyer parents because
money isn’t a guarantee in the arts, especially when you are just starting out.
She’s currently working on sets 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, and her parents
don’t even know. While she’s disappointed she can’t clue them in on her
successes, she’s ridiculously excited with the progress she’s making in her
career working in film. She may not be cashing million dollar paychecks for
writing contracts or getting murderers out of prison, but she is happy.

Do something good with your life...
Become a lawyer.

Another friend recently got engaged, to his parents chagrin. In a time where
they should be feeling joy for their son, they felt anger and betrayal. Not
because his fiancé is a terrible person and not because she won’t make their
son happy, but because she’s not of the same religion. It’s hard enough in this
world to find someone that you like,
not to mention love, and they want to
take that away from him because she believes in a different Santa Claus than
they do. Insanity.

The common thread between these two families is religion. Religious people are
the worst at thinking they know what
is best for everyone else while telling them to follow a path that has no
appeal to anyone but themselves and their like-minded followers. This epidemic
of stunted thought processes can be seen in today’s political world. Candidates
are attempting to appeal to their religious bases by decrying such concepts as
gay marriage, legalizing marijuana, or allowing illegal immigrants to become
legal citizens. These people have grown up being told, “Gays are icky sinners!”
and “Don’t smoke weed!” and “White is right! (Unless they are cleaning our house!)”
Living such a restricted life leads to jealousy of those who are able to guiltlessly indulge in
whatever it is they choose. And just like a teenage girl who throws fruit punch
on her rival’s better fitting prom dress, when adults are jealous, rather than
simply look away and live their life the way they choose to, they need to do everything in their power to impede
the other person’s happiness.

Why else would someone be opposed to others smoking weed or being gay or
becoming a citizen? I don’t smoke weed. But I drink once or twice a week. And
alcohol is much worse than weed. I
have a lot of friends, good responsible people, who have gotten DUI’s. Alcohol
often brings out the worst in people and often leads to injury, death, or
alcoholism, which can ruin lives, careers, and families. Meanwhile, weed makes
people stay home, eat Cheetos, listen to The Beatles, and watch Half Baked. Who gives a shit? And
legalizing it will help the economy. Gay marriage? People don’t want it because
either 1) They’re not gay and they don’t like other people indulging in experiences
that they themselves do not take part in (like weed), 2) they are gay
themselves and hate themselves for it because of everything they have been
taught since childhood, and therefore don’t want others to be able to partake
(like weed), or 3) the Bible says so. Newsflash, the Bible says a lot of stupid
shit that most civilized people realize is ridiculous so when they are picking
and choosing what they want to follow from the book, they avoid those sections.
Why can’t we do this on the Bible’s view of homosexuality? All Bibles should be
rolled up and burned (like weed).

What leads to worse decisions, alcohol or weed?

The same people who have a hatred for a drug they have never
tried, probably because they are so lame no one ever offered it to them, are
the people who don’t want gays in the military or teaching in our schools or
adopting babies that no one else can take care of, as if their homosexuality is
going to rub off on all of those around them. Or maybe the gays can’t be
trusted around children because they’re all a bunch of child molesters, right?
You know who are a bunch of child molesters? Priests.

"God says homosexuality is a sin!
He also says I need a blow job! Who's up first?"

And illegal immigration? I agree we need to clamp down on
the borders, but for the people here who are currently working a bunch of jobs that
“whitey” won’t do anyways, let them be citizens. The only reason Americans
don’t want a bunch of Mexicans here is because they don’t want “our” country to
turn into a country of brown people. Well, on the coasts, it’s too late. Go to
California and Florida where there are huge Hispanic communities. Guess what?
They work hard, their women are hot, and their food is delicious. It’s more
than I can say about the “real Americans” in the Bible Belt who are all lazy
fat fucks who eat nothing but the animal they just shot and grilled cheese
sandwiches.

"Dem' Mexicans are changing the face (and the gut) of this country!"

As much as we look at adults as people of maturity and
experience, deep down a lot of them are angry little kids. As far as religion
goes, practicing adults fall into two categories: 1) those who place their social
acceptance and comfort above their individualism and the ability to represent one’s
own unique thoughts or 2) those who truly believe in their religion, be it
because of fear of death, an inability to rationally look at the ideas that
have been planted into their heads since they were a child, or (most
frightening of all) they actually believe that “God” exists and allows all of
the horrible things in this world to happen, all the while helping Musicians
win Grammys, athletes win championships, and Christine O’Donnell win elections.
Either way, too many religious adults are looking to push the invalid ideals
and concepts that were forced upon them onto their children. And in the
instances where their children decide independently that their path to
happiness lies elsewhere, their parents are abandoning them.

I think these parents, although misguided, truly believe
they are doing what is best for their kids. They have spent their entire lives
having no control over their own life except for what God they pray to and what
they can tell their kids to do. When they start to lose power, they cling, just
as religious people cling even harder to their ideals when confronted with
inconvenient things like truth, facts, and science. In order to regain control,
parents simply want their kids to take a safe route. Get the job that offers
the most money. Marry the woman with the same faith. Hate all people who
threaten your flawed way of life. Because concepts like “love” and “happiness”
are not represented by numbers in a bank account, many people have trouble
understanding why others choose a path that leads to them, as opposed to a
success that actually can be quantified, like money or religious conviction.
While I believe that the parents of my two friends think in their minds that
they want what is best for their kid, their definition of “best” is completely
different than their son or daughter’s.

I’m lucky, I have the greatest parents in the world. They always supported me
in whatever I wanted to do and they never forced me into anything. Was there a
negative side to this? Of course. I’m not in a career that guarantees monetary
success, but I love what I do. And yeah I felt like the only 13 year old in my
group of friends who didn’t have a Bar Mitzvah, but I’m also free to date and
marry whomever I want. Plus I’ve never had to spend a weekend in Church or
Temple. And while I, like my parents, made choices in my life that made me who
I am today, and it turns out I’m not gay, I’m not a pot head, and I’m not an illegal alien, that
doesn’t mean I can’t respect the wishes of those who are.

Awesome! Todd, I love the way you put into words simple truths that a lot of people (if not most) don’t take the time to examine. You must have had an awesome upbringing. Keep up the good work! You won’t go to Hell if I have anything to say about it :)Mom

Nice writing, although, most of the facts regarding your friend that recently got enagaged are EXTREMELY innaccurate. Maybe the source is being very selective as to what stories he's providing you with to save face. Your writings are clearly skewed from one side versus the other. The story about "religion" is un-true and grossly exaggerated. But I guess without the lie, you would lack this topic for a blog. Two sides to every story.

Of COURSE they are skewed. This isn't a news site, it's an opinion blog. If you'd like to get your opinion out there, you should start one. I'd actually be curious as to what excuse any parent could possibly have for disowning a kid.

If you are speaking about public issues such as politics that's where your opinion should be given. When you are stamping your opinion on your friends, or family, or friend's family, frankly, you should mind your own business. I doubt your friend would appreciate you posting your opinion on their personal issues on a public site. Worry about your own issues.

Hey thanks for not posting anonymously the 2nd time. Much more respectable. Im constantly shocked by the amount of cowards who toss out all their thoughts from the safety of an anonymous post. But speaking of anonymous, I never mentioned names on here so no one knows who I am talking about and my friend reads my blog and never asked me to take it down. So I don't think its a problem with him. And again, I can speak about what I want just as he can marry who he wants. It seems you've inherited that rude and childish tendency of trying to tell people what to do and how to live. When it comes to minding ones business u should probably take your own advice. Thanks for reading!