So the muscleless slob Kate Upton and the huge Ashley Graham are 'best female beach body' runners-up but Chris Christie? He wins the 'Beached Whale Award' along with this tag: "The New Jersey governor went man-spreading on a beach that was closed because of a government shutdown, testing the limits of both public patience and the elastic on his swim shorts."

Please. Is he testing the limits of both public patience and the elastic on his swim shorts? Absolutely. But Upton and Graham? SO are they. So are they...