Vibrators

My #1 pick is the Mona 2 vibrator from LELO. I’ve become so obsessed with this toy lately that I’m pretty sure everyone’s getting sick of hearing about it. But it covers all the bases: it’s rechargeable, strong, fully submersible in water, and the shape is just awesome. It has a bulbous end for great G-spot stimulation, but it’s also sort of tapered on one side, so it sits nicely between the labia when used clitorally. It also has incredible range in terms of vibration, so a person who doesn’t know how much power they need yet can find out.

As a bonus, it comes in a box that’s already perfect for gift-giving. You can literally just toss a bow around it and be done. Which is great because I’m already having flash-forwards to how much peppermint schnapps I’m going to have to drink while I wrap presents this year, just to make it bearable.

If you’re looking for a solid clitoral vibe, my favorite rechargeables are the We-Vibe Touch and LELO Mia. The We-Vibe Touch is one of the most powerful rechargeable clit vibes I’ve ever tried, which, of course, I love, and the LELO Mia is USB rechargeable, so it’s basically the best travel vibe ever.

Pleasure Works makes a couple 100% silicone sleeves called the Diving Dolphin and Wild Hare, and those fit over any vibrator with a diameter of an inch or so. They fit perfectly over the Silver Bullet, which consequently is an excellent starter vibe, and they give it some extra grip, too, which is awesome.

Dildos

Some of my favorite dildos of all-time are the dildos made by Vixen Creations. They have a dual-density pure silicone called VixSkin that is highly detailed, delightfully squishy, and will last a lifetime. I’m addicted to it, to put it mildly.

I’m also a big fan of G-spot dildos. If your gift recipient is new to G-spot stimulation, a really simple silicone dildo with a good G-spotting head will do the trick. I really like the Tantus Rocket, the Pleasure Works Siren, and the LELO Ella.

But if they’ve already found their G-spot and want to up the ante a bit — perhaps even learn to squirt — I absolutely adore the njoy Pure Wand, which is stainless steel, the NobEssence Seduction which is made of wood, and the Jopen Key Comet G Wand, which is half-glass and half-silicone. All of them are basically G-spot homing missiles, so you can’t go wrong.

But what if the person you’re buying for already has a hefty sex toy collection? I’d suggest a toy that offers a truly unique sensation, and I would know which ones do because I have a very discerning vagina. I suggest you check out Fun Factory’s Stronic line. These toys do not have traditional motors; they actually contain weights that move back and forth. Yes, like a Shake Weight. Except for your vagina. And a lot more useful. The Stronics are not cheap, but I think they’re worth it. And I don’t say that a lot about $200 toys.

Anal Toys

If your gift recipient has never tried anal play, I would suggest the Fun Factory Bootie, a little silicone plug with a curved tip. It’s cute, small, and it has a great base.

If they’re more well-versed in anal, they’ll love the njoy Pure Plug, which is stainless steel, or the NobEssence Romp, which is wood. Both feel amazing and really have that “wow” factor when you open them because they’re so gorgeous.

Kegel Balls

My favorite kegel balls — and I’ve tried quite a few — are the LELO Luna Beads. These are inserted vaginally and can be worn around, to make mundane tasks less excruciating. Oh, yeah, and they tone the PC muscles, too. But mostly the sensation of the inner balls rolling around is just really fun.

Sleeves

Fleshlights are awesome. My boyfriend is super picky about sleeves, but he loves the luscious material used to make Fleshlights… as do I (you can sometimes find me casually fingering one). There are about a million to choose from, from basic orifices to extremely detailed porn star vulvas. There’s even a build-your-own option.

Other Stuff

If you want to veer off the traditional sex toy path, there’s always the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System. This thing basically turns any bed into a bondage playground, complete with both wrist and ankle cuffs. And when you’re done, you can just toss the straps and cuffs under the mattress, effectively hiding them away from your kids… or in my case, my cats.

And finally, I must mention lube! It’s the best. Everyone should use it. My favorite brand is Sliquid, because all of their lubes are glycerin- and paraben- free. I say get some lube samples and stuff them in a stocking. Plus then you can do a lube flight and find out what both of you like.

Can’t decide?

If you can’t decide, and if I’m overwhelming you with suggestions, see if your favorite sex shop does gift certificates (hint: Good Vibes, Babeland, SheVibe, Early to Bed, Come As You Are, and Tantus all do). One thing you can do is make a list of potential toys to show your partner — you could even put together a sex toy brochure or menu or something — but leave the final say up to them. This shows that you put some effort and research into it, but ultimately you’re giving them the reins. People love having the reins.

SAN FRANCISCO (August 1, 2013): August is “Anal Pleasure Month” according to Good Vibrations, the trusted San Francisco-based company that takes pride in providing accurate information on sexuality and toys for grown-ups. In celebration of this theme they have put together an impressive timeline of the history of anal sex, along with a month of workshops and events in California to bring know-how and pleasure to the people.

“While anal pleasure is widely enjoyed, it is still considered taboo, so access to clear and accurate information about it is sadly limited. Good Vibrations declared August to be Anal Pleasure month as a way to illuminate the subject and make information available to interested adults. You can see how the cultural conversation around anal sex has evolved in our anal history timeline –- it’s fun and fascinating!” says Staff Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen.

I gave my Sexploration lecture at Bucknell University on Tuesday April 23, and there was a huge crowd. I often do anonymous questions at college events where students write their questions on notecards and everyone has to write something, even if it’s “no question.” The anonymity gives folks the freedom to ask their most pressing questions. I only had time to answer about 60% of the questions, so I’m answering the rest here. I’ve combined some questions that are on the same topic.

Is it weird that I want sex all the time even though I’m a virgin?No. It’s common to have sexual desires regardless of your sexual experience. Remember what I said about the problematic concept of virginity? I encourage you to define sex as broadly as you want and not buy into the cultural construction of virginity.Recommended: The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women

How often do most people masturbate?It varies wildly from person to person, and how often just one person masturbates can vary depending on their energy level, desire, stress, opportunity, etc. There are some interesting stats you can check out. In general, I don’t think masturbation is ever a bad thing. Everyone should have a sexual relationship with themselves, and it’s a great way to figure out what you like.

I masturbate so much it’s turned into a chore; any tips for spicing it up?Masturbation shouldn’t be a chore! But people can get into a repetitive rut. Don’t think of it merely as a quick way to get off, think of it as a date with yourself. Try changing positions, experimenting with new stimulation techniques, adding lube and a toy to the mix.

How long does it take to give a guy a blow job?There is no set amount of time that it takes anyone to do anything sexual. If you’re giving the blow job, take charge of the situation and do it for as long as it feels good, for as long as you want to. If you get tired or overwhelmed, switch to using your hand or doing something else.Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio

How long should a guy last during a blow job?I hate to repeat myself, but: there is no set amount of time. Depending on the guy, the stimulation of oral sex could bring him to orgasm slowly, quickly, or not at all. Blow jobs do it for some people and not for others.

How nutritious is semen and how can I convince my girlfriend to swallow?Semen has little to no nutritional value because you don’t ingest all that much of it. You don’t want to convince anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. You can share your desire with her and tell her why it turns you on, but ultimately, it’s her choice to swallow or not, and you’ve got to respect it. Also, swallowing semen is a riskier practice in terms of safer sex than not swallowing, and I am a fan of condoms for blow jobs.

How do you improve oral sex?Since you didn’t specify, I’m going to make some statements that apply to all kinds of oral sex (cunnilingus, fellatio, and analingus), then give you some particulars. Enthusiasm, focus, tenacity, and paying attention to your partner’s body language are all good qualities to have when giving oral sex. Use your fingers and hands along with your mouth. For cunnilingus, experiment with different techniques using your lips, mouth, and tongue, and ask your partner to tell you what she likes (if she doesn’t know, explore and ask her to alert you when you’ve stumbled on something great). For fellatio, concentrate on the head and the sensitive frenulum on its underside (remember our anatomy lesson); experiment by applying different amounts of pressure with your mouth along the head and shaft. For analingus, use your tongue and lips to get into the folds of the sensitive anus.Recommended: The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 1: Cunnilingus, The Expert Guide to Oral Sex 2: Fellatio, and The Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

I don’t think I enjoy sex at all. The picture of the vagina (in your presentation) made me squirm, and I have one. What can I do to be comfortable and enjoy the experience when my partner wants to have it?First, this is a question I can’t answer with a pithy one minute (or three sentence) response. It was a line drawing, but an explicit one, of a vulva, and we are not used to looking at those images on the big screen or in public, so it can make some people uncomfortable for a number of reasons. But you said you don’t enjoy sex at all. Could you be asexual? If you have sexual desire, then it’s a matter of getting comfortable with your body and with sex. Do you masturbate? It all begins there, so I’d start with establishing a sexual relationship with yourself before you address sex with a partner.Recommended: Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving

What is the best way to have sex in a long distance relationship?I assume you mean when you and your partner are apart? Use technology to keep you connected. Dirty text messages, naughty instant messages, steamy emails, and Skype with mutual masturbation. I caution you against sending naked or sex pictures to each other, however, since we’ve seen all the trouble that can cause.

Got any good positions?Each position has its pros and cons, and experimentation is key. If you like Missionary, try Flying Missionary where the person on their back puts their feet on their partner’s chest. If you like Cowgirl, try Froggie where the person on top balances on their feet. If you like Doggie Style, try Tailgate, where the receiver lies on their stomach and the penetrator then lies directly on top of them.

Does size matter?The easy answer is no. People are way too wrapped up in penis size, when most folks want a compassionate, responsive lover more than a particular size. But I don’t want to deny that everyone has different tastes and turn ons, and some people do like penetration with big stuff. But that’s why God created dildos.

How do I get a vibrator and which kind do I get?If possible, visit a sex-positive store like The Smitten Kitten, Good Vibrations, or Babeland. When you shop in person at stores like these, the toys are out of their packages, so you can see and feel them, feel the vibration, hear how quiet or loud they are, plus you benefit from the advice of experienced sex educators who work there. If that’s not possible, try one of their websites; they all have detailed product information and customer reviews.Recommended: The Big Book of Sex Toys

I’m a girl. Do I need to shave my pubic hair before I have sex?Your pubic hair is your business! It’s a matter of personal taste, just like how you cut and style your other hair. Some people let it grow, others trim it back, and others wax or shave some or all of it off.

As a female, how do you know if you’ve had an orgasm?I want to say, “Oh you’ll know!” but I want to be more specific. Some of the physiological responses include: a feeling of release; muscle contractions of the uterus, vagina, and sphincter muscles; other muscle contractions and muscle tension throughout the body; involuntary muscle responses that cause you to make strange faces; and cramping of hands and feet. Talking to your peers about what their orgasms feel like is a great way to open up a conversation and hear from real people about their experiences.Recommended: The Expert Guide to Female Orgasms and The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women: How to Become Orgasmic for a Lifetime

How long does it take a woman to climax?There is no set amount of time, and I hesitate to even say there is an average amount of time. Women often put pressure on themselves about this (I hear all the time “It takes me a really long time,” or “It takes too long”). Concentrate on what’s going on and how it feels, and don’t think about the clock and how you measure up to it.

Do you poop when you have anal sex? How do you have “clean” anal sex?When you have a bowel movement, feces stored in the colon pass through the rectum, down into the anal canal, and out the anus. The colon is the storage area, and the rectum and anal canal are pathways. If you have good bowel habits and plenty of fiber in your diet, then there should be very little fecal matter in the rectum and anal canal. When you play with fingers, a toy, or a penis, you’re not going beyond the rectum. Go to the bathroom before anal play. In addition, take a warm, soapy shower or bath before anal sex to make sure your genitals are clean. You can even slide a soapy finger into your anus. Always use the most mild soap you can—either a castile or pure glycerine. A trip to the bathroom and a shower will go a long way toward you having relatively clean anal penetration. I say “relatively clean” because I want you to be realistic. There are no guarantees in life, and some amount of fecal matter may be present in someone’s rectum. If you want to go the extra step to make sure you’re totally cleaned out, you can give yourself an enema beforehand.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

How safe is anal sex and how do I avoid anal fissures?I always recommend that people use safer sex barriers if they are not currently tested and in a sexually monogamous relationship. You can transmit most sexually-transmitted infections (including gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HPV, genital warts, herpes, and HIV) through unprotected anal sex, especially penis/ass intercourse. In addition, as I said in my presentation, the ass is made of delicate, sensitive tissue which is susceptible to small tears or anal fissures. The best way to protect against them: use gloves to make your fingers butt-friendly, use plenty of lube, focus on warm up and don’t rush penetration, and, as the receiver, listen to your body.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women

Is it inappropriate to go up to someone and say, “Wanna fuck? Right here, right now?” (I’m female.)I like people being direct about what they want. I appreciate shameless assertion of your desires. So I don’t think it’s inappropriate to speak your desires in the right context with potential lovers. But, that said, there are repercussions for women who speak openly about their sexual desire, so you’ve got to take those into account, knowing that reactions to your honesty will be mixed (see next question).

How do we as a society combat false sex information like the “What Not To Do Guide to BDSM,” aka Fifty Shades of Grey?You’re right, Fifty Shades of Grey is not an instruction manual, it’s a romance novel with some kink thrown in. But lots of people have read it and it’s opened up conversations about kinky sex, which is ultimately a good thing for society. If a friend mentions reading it or being inspired by it, be ready to let them know that it’s not a how-to and have recommendations for other resources that give solid information about BDSM.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

I am really into bondage. How do I bring it up to a casual hookup without being scary and intense?It’s all in the way you present it. Be direct and put it out there (“I want to tie you up” or “It would turn me on if you tied me up”) and make it clear that it’s a suggestion that your partner is welcome to embrace or turn down. If they agree, be prepared to give them information about safety before you start and always use a safeword.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink and Midori’s Expert Guide to Sensual Bondage

How does a girl approach the idea of being a dominant with a guy?Talk about roleplaying fantasies and see what kinds of scenarios you each come up with. Suggest some scenes where you play a dominant role and see what he says. Context is everything.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Why do I have rape fantasies? It feels problematic.Our fantasies often do not reflect our politics. Rape fantasies can be about exploring submission, masochism, surrender, objectification, control, and a slew of other dynamics. Although “rape” is the hot-button word in this question, the operative word here is fantasy. It’s a fantasy where you create the script, imagine the details, call the shots, and know how it ends—which is an entirely different thing than actual rape.Recommended: Toybag Guide to Playing With Taboo and Mollena Williams’ two chapters in The Ultimate Guide to Kink

Any advice for a woman who wants to peg her man? Techniques, a particular toy, a particular position?Pegging is strap-on anal sex where the woman is the giver and the man the receiver, and it can open up a whole new world of erotic exploration for couples. Great anal sex is all about the warm up. You’ve got to take your time, relish each sensation, and tease your partner into a frenzy before any serious penetration begins. As for toys, I love the Mistress dildo by Vixen Creations and any harness made by Aslan Leather.Recommended: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and The Expert Guide to Pegging

How do you feel about porn, which often portrays false or fantastical situations? How realistic is porn? Is it misleading?Well, it depends on the porn! Much of mainstream pornography portrays a fantasy and a performance, so there’s a lot of athletic positions, high energy and high libido, heightened reactions to stimulation, and earth shaking orgasms (both real and performed). You don’t often get to see honest communication, awkward moves, enough warm up before intercourse, a focus on other kinds of sex besides intercourse, partners being shy or quiet, stopping and starting, and much more. I like to portray more realistic sexual scenes in my films, where people verbally negotiate, ask for what they want, use lube and sex toys, focus on activities that turn them on rather than a “script” of how sex should unfold, get into positions that feel good for them, and allow enough arousal time and stimulation to allow female performers to have real orgasms. There are lots of feminists who make porn, and you may want to check out their films as well as films featuring real couples including Make Love Not Porn.Recommended: The Feminist Porn Book

How can gender identity affect a sexual experience or a sexual relationship (even mentally)? How can we avoid gender identity becoming a point of contestation? We are both doms.
This question requires a longer answer, so I gave it its own Ask Tristan post.

I’m a woman who loves anything anal especially having my ass tongued. In the past, I had a boyfriend that also liked it. I liked licking his ass because it turned him on a lot. How do I find out if my current boyfriend might be into a rim job without him thinking that I am a freak? He is very open, but I guess I am just afraid to ask. Is this a common thing with men, for them to like having their ass tongued?

–Aiming to Please

In the past five years, there has been a lot more dialogue on straight men receiving (and enjoying) anal pleasure. It’s what I like to refer to as the “Bend Over Boyfriend” movement, named for the great how-to video of the same name. So know that more men than ever are embracing this kind of stimulation and being more ‘out’ about it.

How you bring it up with your boyfriend depends a lot on your personal style and how you communicate about sex as a couple. If you’re direct, by all means ask him about it; make sure you talk about how much it would turn you on. If you’re feeling unsure and want to test the waters, you could raise the issue indirectly, with a conversation starter like: “I read about women rimming men in a magazine, what do you think of that?” Find a hot erotic story that involves a woman rimming a man and read it to him as a bedtime tale. See what his reaction is to it. Or maybe you want to drop some hints during your next sex session. Try gently stimulating his asshole with your finger, and see what kind of reaction it elicits. Pay attention to his body language and the non-verbal cues he gives you. If he seems comfortable and turned on by it, the next time you’re down there licking his balls, venture farther down. Make sure after you do it to talk about it later to see how it felt for him and get feedback about what else he might like.

Urban Tantra® is a radically updated Tantra practice for modern sexual and spiritual explorers—it can be used anywhere and by everyone. Tantra is not only a sexual practice, it also is a sensuous way of life and a path to spiritual growth and fulfillment. On the Tantric path, pleasure, vision and ecstasy are celebrated and can be as available in everyday life as they are in peak sexual experiences. In this workshop, you’ll learn Tantric techniques for intense full-bodied orgasms, breath-and-energy orgasms, amazingly deep, heart-centered connections (with a partner or with yourself), and the bliss that comes when your spiritual and sexual paths are one.

This workshop is for both couples and singles. All genders and sexual preferences are welcome. There will be no nudity and no explicit sexual touch. There will be partnered practices in the afternoon. Singles will be paired, with consent. To be assured of working with a partner of your choice, come with a friend.

Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century, a one-day workshop (10am – 5:50 pm) at the New York Open Center, 22 E.30th Street, New York,, NY 10016.

While Dan Savage was on vacation, the “Savage Love” Letter of the Day—a.k.a. SLLOTD—had to go on! So Dan asked three different guest columnists to field his readers’ questions while he’s away. I was the guest columnist August 13-17! You can read each of my questions and answers on the SLOG, along with readers’ comments which were diverse and very opinionated here:

I’m 24 years old and I just found Tristan’s books and thank you – I just realized that I never had real sex before! I’m happy!! I’m reading your books right now, two of them to start!!. (G-Spot Orgasms and Female Ejaculation and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women). But, my biggest question right now is: I don’t know how to ”touch” a man or a woman. I mean I know pretty much for the sex (penis, vagina not quite yet) but I don’t know how to touch the body… how to caress… I’m still pretty shy and I have a hard time to let go… do you have an advice for me or a story based on real experience?

Caressing can be confusing. Trust me, I know. Like you, I used to be terrified of having a not-so-golden touch. There are so many body parts for my hands to explore, so many nerve endings hidden behind nipples and kneecaps. The basic mechanics of oral and penetrative sex seemed easy to follow—the genitals match up to an orifice (anus, vagina, or mouth). Case closed. Touching was a different story.

Two things helped me get over this fear. First, I began touching myself. My clitoris and I had been good friends since junior high. However, this time, I made it my goal to explore other body parts. I gently rubbed my hands along my arms and inner thighs, experimented with scratching and pinching, even tested the sensations of a light slap. My body became my caressing road map. I got a general sense of what felt good, what felt great, and what felt cum-in-my-panties incredible.

Thing is, every body is different. What feels good to you might feel shitty to someone else (and vice versa). So I slowly learned the second rule to a good touch—communication. This step is admittedly more difficult than the first. It requires opening up, thus bringing your relationship to a more emotionally vulnerable level. But it’s worth it. Your body and the bodies of your partners will be happy you talked.

Abby Spector is a recent graduate of Wesleyan University, where she majored in Feminist/Gender/Sexuality Studies. She is currently interning for Tristan, a job that allows her to write about sex, research feminist porn, and play with dogs (among other, equally awesome things). When she isn’t working, Abby enjoys comfortable nudity and salty foods. Her dream? A world where she could sit around naked and eat overly-salted french fries. Her blog is Sexy Awkward Times.

We’re starting to review feminist porn titles on the site, and here is our first one. I had the chance to see a screening of some excerpts of Sexing The Transman XXX on the big screen in Toronto during the Feminist Porn Awards. I remember when I first heard Buck’s voice on film as he talked to his interview subjects from behind the camera, I thought, “Buck sounds like some creepy dirty old man.” Then I watched, and along with this dialogue were these long, lingering camera shots, following the ripple in a guy’s chest, the muscle definition of his arm. Buck and his camera were ogling these men – objectifying them even. It was all so lascivious and voyeuristic. It even reminded me of some of those old straight porn movies where the camera guy checks out the woman he’s filming in a really leering way. And then it struck me: we never see transmale bodies objectified or sexualized. We rarely see them naked or represented in erotic contexts. Buck’s camera was not simply ogling, it was worshipping these trans male bodies and his voice reinforced this adoration. The whole thing is incredibly subversive. Now, here’s Raybear’s take on the film. —Tristan

Since 2005, Buck Angel has proven himself to be a tenacious and consistent porn star in representing who he is and how he likes to fuck on screen, without a trace of shame or apology. In fact, he displays quite the opposite – absolute confidence and pride in his body and sexuality. His latest move, Sexing The Transman XXX, is an educational porn that expands his trademark attitude into the bedroom of other transmen. Buck is primarily behind the camera in this film, playing the role of sexy interrogator who asks each guy provocative questions about their gender, their body, their transition, and most importantly what turns them on, which leads them to strip down and show us how they like to get off. Sure Buck quizzes the guys about hormones and surgery, but he asks with even more enthusiasm about tattoos and working out.

A variety of toys to stimulate different parts and holes for each solo scene, including such favorites as a Feeldoe dildo, a Hitachi vibrator, and NJoy anal plugs. The film focuses on four different transmen, each at different stages of their own transition and with their own sexual predilections – MJ identifies himself as flamboyant, Eddie Wood is a hairy squirter, Sean sports ink and muscles. During the James Darling interview, he informs us he’d been on hormones since he was 18 and Buck Angel was the first transman he’d ever met, and in that moment I was able to really appreciate the reach of Buck and his work. This movie answers a lot of common questions posed to transmen, such as effects of hormones, body changes, and surgical procedures, but is done with the respect and understanding of a fellow transman and not in the least bit dry and boring. It’s also a well-edited film, both visually (picture-in-a-picture orgasm shot!) and sonically (opera arias and rock music that don’t drown out the sexy live sounds of the performers). After the four solo performances, Buck finishes the film with a fuck scene between himself and Fallen in a seedy basement romper room complete with wood paneled walls.

Sexing the Transman is an informational PSA that’s sexy, so folks interested in bedding a transman get both educated and titillated, while those of us who already appreciate the joys get to see trans bodies eroticized on screen in ways rarely shown. Lucky for us, the sequel is already in the works with more types of transguys, so here’s to a much-needed series that will keep expanding the diversity of sexual experiences and bodies, and just keep getting sexier.

The Expert Guide to Pegging: Strap-on Anal Sex for Couples comes out on Valentine’s Day!! Isn’t that just perfect? My latest instructional movie from Vivid-Ed stars Dylan Ryan, Wolf Hudson, Jiz Lee, Mickey Mod, Jada Fire, and Christian. This is not your mama’s pegging video, that’s for sure! The cast is awesome, their interviews and chemistry fantastic, and the scenes are the hottest strap-on anal scenes I’ve ever shot! Plus, there are lots of extras on the DVD. And, as always, if you buy it directly from me, you support your local feminist pornographer!

I’m a guy, and over the years, I have occasionally anally stimulated myself with my fingertip during masturbation. I recently convinced my wife to try a strap on with me. As I expected, I enjoyed both the physical stimulation and the psychological joy of giving myself up to her as the penetrator. But try as we may, the buttfucking could not get me to orgasm. I have heard that direct prostate stimulation can cause ejaculation and orgasm. Even though we reached a point where a 5-6″ dildo was all the way in and being generously worked, I could get just to the edge of orgasm but not quite there. It felt incredible, but it was also a little disappointing. Is it a matter of working up to a larger dildo?

–On The Edge

You heard right: direct prostate stimulation can lead to a great deal of pleasure, orgasm, and ejaculation. The prostate is only a few inches inside the ass and toward the front of the body. With a 5-6″ dildo, you’re definitely going to hit it, and a longer toy is not the answer. You may want to try a curved dildo for more focused prostate stimulation (and aim the curved part toward the front of your body) and see if that makes a difference. If you have masturbated with anal penetration to orgasm, then the combination of the two may be what your body is most used to. Add penis stimulation as she fucks you to help you over that edge to orgasm.

Photo: Annie Cruz and Nomad in The Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men