The United States Justice Department is not ready to O.K. the proposed merger between American and U.S. Air. As we reported back in February, the pair of terrible companies had long planned to merge, but did not get their acts together until late winter 2013. (U.S. Air’s lease was up around the same time that America Airlines’s college roommate had just gotten engaged, and lo, a successful merger was finally wrought.)

The Wall Street Journalreports that the Justice Department—which, it’s worth noting, has been trapped in a bitter polyamorous relationship with the Executive Branch and the Legislative Branch since 1776—“filed suit Tuesday seeking to block the $11 billion merger,” claiming that “the combined company would reduce competition in local markets and result in higher airfares.” What competition? Our legally protected right to choose between a $901 roundtrip ticket to Miami with two layovers in Charlotte and Dallas or a $1,330 roundtrip ticket to Miami with one layover in Atlanta? We believe people could smoke on planes more recently than they could expect competitive airfares.

Per a statement from Attorney General Eric Holder: “By challenging this merger, the Department of Justice is saying that the American people deserve better.” Actually, what the American people said was that they would like butter. Would it be possibly to receive a complimentary packet of frozen butter with this in-flight meal? Oh, butter is available for purchase? $6? That’s . . . yes, that’s fine. And still no real knives, right? Got it.