At 9:30am on 4/23/2017, I attended Managing Your Iceberg, presented by Cory Miller, at the 2017 Wordcamp Conference in Raleigh, NC

Managing Your Iceberg

Cory opened by telling us that we’d be hearing some very personal things. Entrepeneurship is the hardest and most rewarding job there is. When looking at the important info, he came to this idea of the iceberg.

The tip we see is seunchine and success – everything is awesome. Below the waterline, struggle and suffering – all the stuff I bury & hide from everyone. Anger, stress, frustration, jealousy, competition,. conflict, loss, insecurity, criticism, failur, fear, etc. You’re not alone.

For the man’s life in 2010-2011, so much was going on in his business life, that everything was coming up roses. However, there were numerous items under the surface which was tearing his life apart.

Today, things are slightly different. He has a 4-year old child just like him, and a 2-year old child just like his wife. And, certainly being a parent is the most frustrating job which has ever existed. They are the greatest joy in life, but they are also the greatest trouble. 🙂 Its worth it though

Same Problems, Different Names

We have to learn to be human. You’re a real person, you have emotions. Let’s not hide the human experience, lets not sweep it under the rug (let’s NOT do this on facebook). Be Human with others, and you’ll get human back. SOmetimes its not always awesome, but it is real. There are too many opportunities to be robotic or inhuman. If you aren’t being human or acting it, you’re missing out.

What holds us back

Self defense, fear, ego, pride, shame, embarrassment, guilt… these things hold us back. In short, a superhero syndrome. That he may not want anyone to help him, that he could take it all on. The right people rushed in to help him when he let it out.

How to navigate the iceberg NOW

Its all about relationships and people. Those who rush in, while everyone else runs out. Those are the helpful ones. For us viewers, if everything in your world got turned upside down, WHO would you need? Things will go wrong. When everything hits the fan, who is there to help you make it through.

Your significant other- your first and essential partner. Your counselor- someone who you may not have to ask to pass you your favorite dish at thanksgiving.

My iceberg group

Safe group of like-minded, value-aligned people on a similar path. What’s the why? The learning, growth, accountability, support you need to keep you afloat. Its ok to have a uniform group #2, and iceberg friends that help to keep you afloat. I hate the term “mastermind group”. To get them, find those who are trusting and respect, confidentiality, no pillow talk. Learn and grow, not there to sit and gloat, and able to receive Empathetic support and not be jealous or judgemental. Empathy is not sympathy. its walking in one another’s footsteps without judgement.

Wysiwyg, shed the masks and costumets. Share the iceberg, the higest highs and lowest lows. Parallel stories offered, but not arrogant advice. More often than not, we want your story, not to be told things as advice. Give me the story and I’ll draw my own conclusions.

It starts with you

Be proactive and start herding cats. Start today. be open and honest, but have mutual trust and respect with CIA-level secrecy. There are plenty of support groups for problems which are specific, but not exactly one for LIFE.

Start simple and build from there. Dedicated meetings regularly. Monthly by phone, zoom, whatevery works. Once a year, have a retreat, and add new members.

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. THis has been tweaked to:

if you want to go miservable and lonely, go alone. If you want to go supported and happy, go together.

Cory Miller is a former newspaper journalist turned full-time entrepreneur. In 2008, he started iThemes, one of the first commercial product companies in WordPress, that now offers key products like BackupBuddy, iThemes Security and iThemes Sync. Named the 7th fastest growing company in Oklahoma City in 2011 by the Metro 50, iThemes employs over 20 people around the globe with headquarters in Oklahoma City. In 2011, he co-founded The Div, Inc, a nonprofit tech foundation aimed at inspiring and training the next generation of web developers through its kid’s program, Div Jr. He is the co-author of WordPress All-in-One for Dummies (Wiley, 2011) and is a member of the Oklahoma chapter of Entrepreneurs’ Organization, a network of over 8,000 entrepreneurs in 40 countries with companies that have revenue over $1 million dollars annually. He blogs regularly about entrepreneurship and career advice here at CoryMiller.com. He is married to Lindsey Miller, who is the Partner Manager at Liquid Web. They have an adorable son named Caloway and a little sweetheart daughter named Lillian.