This is my third year coaching little league, but the last two were in T-ball, so this year in Minor B ,things really stepped up a notch competitively. My team is very good, but keeps having heartbreaking moments that cost them the win. One missed pitch after three foul balls. A pop fly catch that is caught but falls out of the mitt. An amazing hit by my team that the other team luckily catches in the air. Or like today, when we played an awesome game, were winning 7-1 going into the last inning, got two outs right away, then a couple teeny errors and the other time somehow scores seven runs to win the game.
OK, it’s my son’s team, but this year, I’m really feeling that these are my plays, my wins or my losses. I’m probably too invovled, and taking it all too personally. I spent a bit of extra time with my son before the last game working on his hitting. And when he hit a double, an amazing line drive right past the right fielder, I felt proud. Like it was my hit. Well, it was kind of, wasn’t it?

I think because the level of play is so stepped up this year, all us coaches are feeling this. But everytime my heart rises and falls with a win or loss, I think perhaps I ought to detach myself. And I will. Just as soon as the playoffs are over.

I came back last night from a three day trip to Portland, and no one missed me. Well, no one at home at least.

I was on a business trip, but I kept all day Saturday to myself to explore the city and have a bit of me-time. And I flew back just before dinner last night. My husband seemed to have worked overtime while I was away to be super-fun dad, so when they all picked me up at the airport, they were much more interested in telling me about all the fun they had with dad rather than being excited I was back.

Part of me is thrilled they had so much fun, and that my husband was so capable. But most of me wanted them to miss me terribly, unable to live without me.

Of course, in the three days I was away the kids didn’t eat a single vegetable and stayed up more than two hours past their bedtimes. And no homework was done, no piano practiced. But they had fun.

And frankly, I didn’t miss them either, so I guess we’re even. And no guilt about being away, so maybe I’m the worser parent. No that anyone is assigning blame, of course. 😉

Sometimes I think being a parent would be so much more enjoyable if I just never had to get my kids out the door or feed them.

Now don’t get me wrong, I just love cooking. And I’m pretty good at it. I like flavour, I enjoy tossing a bit of this and that together, and I like exploring new cuisines.

But finding meals my whole family will eat, that are healthy, and (for me) low in fat, well that’s a whole new kind of torture.

My husband and I have an agreement, whereby he cooks dinner twice a week. Those two days are the ones where I work at a client’s office in Burnaby, so getting home with enough time and energy to make dinner is hard. But when he cooks, we get frozen meats. He’s become a regular at M&M, and our small freezer has several boxes of frozen breaded chicken or fish or meatballs. He does add a veggie on the side, and the kids do eat it usually without complaint, so I guess I shouldn’t whine. But it’s not meals I would serve myself.

Over the years, trying new things and making my family eat them (I have never and will never make separate food for anyone and if they don’t like it, tough) has led me down some strange paths. Who knew they’d love chickpea curry? Who knew they’d hate lasagna?
Tonite was a new adventure. I found a weight watchers recipe for Spanakopita — spinach/feta pie — which I have always loved. It looked easy enough, so I tried it, not sure how the boys would react to spinach. It even turned out just like the photo!

But lo and behold, they ate it. The little wasn’t a huge fan but he loved the phyllo. And the big guy wanted seconds.

Still, life would be a lot easier if we could just stay home all the time and never eat.

I had yesterday off from being the mommy and got to be just an adult. And I’m trying to decide if I feel guilty about that. I don’t think I do.

I left the house before they woke up and didn’t come home until about 4:30pm. I loved having time to just be an adult, but today I’m sun and wind burnt a bit, so perhaps Karma is trying to tell me I should spend more time being a mommy and less time being an adult.

Do you feel guilty when you have time away from the family? I think my guilt used to be much more acute when the kids were babies. There were things only mommy could do — never mind breastfeeding — I mean stuff like the right kind of cuddles, and feeding them healthy food, and throwing the baseball (I’m nothing if not a renaissance woman!). But my boys spend a lot of time away from me now, when they’re in school or daycare. And when I go to work, I get to be an adult. Although I get to be the kind of adult who doesn’t get to enjoy her own time then, but at least I can eat lunch all by myself.

But yesterday I got to be just a woman, not a mommy at all. I spent the day in a boat on the Delta Slough, umpiring a rowing regatta. I used to row myself (you know, the Silken Laumann kind of rowing). But I stopped a few years back because while I like it a lot, it takes me three hours to go row, and in that I only get a one-hour workout. I just need to be more efficient with my time these days. But I trained to be an umpire when I was pregnant with my first, thinking it was a good way to stay involved with the sport. So now I do a couple races a year, just to keep my umpire license valid.

And yesterday was a glorious day to be a rowing umpire. Sunny, warm, on the water. And as an umpire, I get to yell a lot and all the rowers fear and revere me. Who wouldn’t love that?

And then I got home, and the kids didn’t quite fear or revere me. But they did cuddle with me. And frankly, that I missed in my being-an-adult day, so it was great to get it in the end.

I’ve run Movies for Mommies for seven years now, and for nearly every week of those seven years I’ve written an e-newsletter. In each e-newsletter I write pithy, funny, revealing, helpful, or goofy stories about being a mom, being a working mom, dealing with my family, understanding my generational place in the world, living in Vancouver, raising a family, being a consultant, and other fun stuff. I’ve written about moments I’m proud of, like when my baby learned to walk or I completed my triathlon, and moments I’m not so proud of, like when I forgot to register my kid for baseball and he almost didn’t get to play or when I got old — um, make that older.

For years mommies who read my e-newsletter tell me they keep reading it long past when they have kids young enough to come to the Movies, and they say it’s because they like to read what I write. So after seven years, I’ve decided it’s time to start blogging.

I can’t promise I’ll be any good at this. Well, I know I can write — I do that for a living. But can I keep this up on a regular basis? I hope so. I’ll try to blog at least a few times a week. I’ll keep it as personal as my e-newsletter has always been, but I’ll also bring MFM news as I have it, because I hope that everyone who has read my e-newsletter over the years will drop in here to read this blog.

But now, it’s a beautiful, sunny day in Vancouver. The kids just left for school with hubby, the house is mine, and I’m going to — well, I’m going to do some client work. But then later I might go for a bike ride. Because it’s sunny. And I can. And I need the exercize. Sunshine = bathing suit season, after all. But that’s a whole other blog post for another day. 😉