Tracey Cox sex blog: Why do we STILL think our single friends need rescuing? Contrary to popular belief, some singletons are happy on their own

Why do we STILL think our single friends need rescuing Contrary to popular belief, some singletons are happy on their own, says sex expert Tracey Cox

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UPDATED:

17:05 GMT, 21 November 2012

Tracey Cox says she laments the way her extraordinary, accomplished friend is pitied just because she is single

When I think of one of my best friends, the word that springs to mind instantly is ‘amazing’.

She’s a celebrity and travel journalist, top of her field, and her life is extraordinary. She’s always off skiing the Alps or trekking with gorillas in Rwanda or prancing about the planet doing something.

When she’s not being Lara Croft, she’s interviewing A-list celebrities or travelling to the world’s most stunning resorts for free. She’s got her own flat, is slim, fit, gorgeous, intelligent, funny and sexy as hell. She has tons of friends, a family who adore her and doesn’t lack male attention.

Not exactly someone you’d feel sorry for, is she

But people do. All those achievements and all everyone can focus on is the fact that she’s single and doesn’t have babies.

Why as a society do we automatically think ‘problem’ when we think ‘single’

Everyone is constantly problem-solving my friend’s life. ‘Stop being so fussy!’ ‘Ever thought of freezing your eggs’ ‘Give up on men, have a baby on your own!’

She kindly and valiantly indulges them but as someone who’s also career orientated and been single for stages of my life, I know how frustrating and upsetting it is.

Why are single people thought of as charity cases Why do we assume they need rescuing Why do we think it’s OK to offer advice to our single friends when we wouldn’t dream of doing it to someone who’s married Who decided finding a partner is the pinnacle of all achievements

Contrary to popular belief not all single people are desperate to be coupled up. They’re not desperate at all.

It’s incredibly galling (though well intended) when people whose lives you quite frankly do not envy, say “Oh Sweetie, come and spend the holidays with us. Don’t be all alone!’.

The single person is then supposed to reply: “Oh yes please! I’d love to come and sit in your kitchen, watching you spoon feed the baby while your husband shuffles about in his dressing gown, selling you on his 52-year-old cousin who lives in a caravan and hasn’t had a job for 20 years but (here’s when the single person is supposed to burst into spontaneous applause) is single and wants to meet you! Hurrah!

Satisfied: Contrary to popular belief, single women aren't on the constant hunt for a man – many of them are enjoying the single life

Meanwhile, you’ve already planned your holiday: five days in a glamorous five-star resort with another single friend spent lounging by the pool, drinking Mai Tais, reading and (who knows) having a hot holiday fling.

Almost 2.5million people between 45 and 64 live alone in the UK. I honestly don’t think most of them are doing a Bridget Jones and sobbing into their Chardonnay, eating tubs of ice-cream and looking longingly at their iPhones.

Most single people I know are quietly getting on with it, creating lives that are possibly far more interesting and diverse than the ones they would have had if they’d taken the traditional husband and kids route.

I’m not suggesting single is better than married or that they’re even comparable because each offers things the other doesn’t.

But I do think it’s absolutely ridiculous that we look on high-achieving, happy single people with pity rather than admiration.

‘Single’ and ‘satisfied’ aren’t mutually exclusive.

QUICK FIX: IS BEING SINGLE BAD FOR YOU SEXUALLY

Q: I’ve been single for a while now and I’m worried it’s going to affect me sexually. I’m in my mid 30s and concerned that if I don’t use it (as in ‘down there’), I’ll lose it! Is this true and what can I do to stop this happening

A: Having regular sex is one of the best ways to keep yourself fit and healthy but – happily – you don’t need a partner to have regular sex! To keep your libido high when single, have regular solo sex sessions. The more orgasms your body has, the more it seeks and orgasmic contractions help to keep your pelvic floor muscles toned. Toner or ‘kegel’ balls are incredibly effective for maintaining muscle control: simply insert and squeeze your muscles around them for an intense pelvic floor workout. Daily workouts are best.

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