The listener has a specific responsibility in
the course of communication. That is to stay out of the speakers
way and to try and follow where he or she is leading. The goal of
listening is not responding but understanding what is trying to
be communicated.

A door opener is a noncoercive inivitation to
talk. Sometimes door openers are not necessay to "get the
ball rolling", but may be needed later in the conversation
if the speaker does not seem to want to continue. Door openers
don't have to be verbal cues, a good listener can also use his or
her body to send the signal "I am interested, you have my
attention, please tell me more." The "four
elements" of a door opener, as discussed, by Bolton are;

(1) A discription of the other person's body
language (i.e., you don't look like you are feeling well today.)

(2) An invitation to talk

(3) Silence (to give the other person time to
decide if they want to talk and what they are going to say.)

(4) Attending (this inclueds all of the
attending skills that are discused on the attending skills page.)

What on earth are "minimal
encourages?" In the attempt to follow it is important not to
become a nonparticipant in the conversation. Minimal encourages
refers to the amount the listener speakes and the amount of
direction the listener gives to the conversation, which should be
very little. Sometimes encouragement is needed but the speaker
needs to remain in control of the conversation.

The same is true for questioning as is for
encouraging. The problem is not questioning itself but the fact
that most people do not do it well. Most people ask closed
questions that only require specific and short answers such as
"yes" and "no." The trick is to ask open
questions that are designed to spur the conversation on when it
gets stuck. This means that questioning will be relatively
infrequent.

Finally, attentive silence is one of the most
important elements in following the listener. We live in a
culture in which silence is not comfortable. We often inturpert
it as a cue that we need to jump in and say something. In fact,
silence is an opportunity for the speaker to reflect on what he
or she has said and to gather their thoughts before their next
statment. What we say is not as important as giving the speaker
the time he or she needs to clearly communicate their point.