So recently, some people of my course lately are kind of douchy; I`m thinking maybe they have felt it - so to say -> it`s like they are making parties (etc), sort of stuff, and they invite only some people (they sort of invite only their "friends" ) Yeah, I`m not one of them lol, truth to be told - I dont have a lot of friends in my course, but yeah (it`s been half a year) ; ok the question is simple lol - because at first they were very friendly etc, but now they are sort of seperate, and douchy, arrogant etc. I was just wondering why do people change in so ways? Did they find their supporters or what? Was just wondering how do people change so much in official enviroment? You know, I mean -we are in university, were you should treat other with respect, no matter their views and ideas - or who they are; you mean, I am generally friendly to everyone (now to almost everyone). So yeah, why do people do so, change so fast, and act in such a manner?

I am only a year older ( not sure if it changes much) but I feel older (LOLz), and I look at them, and think - wtf ; )

It's pretty normal. Humans are not infinitely social creatures and we mentally have limitations. Whilst some are better than others, you'll always see friend groups. From now till the day you die you'll see them and you'll be in them. Some of them will be big and some small some loyal and some fickle some short term others long term.

Like many things if you obsess about being "in" one or being "in with it" chances are you'll see this social structure more and more, but also you'll end up more and more on the outside of them. In general being yourself, whilst remaining polite and social (without going to extremes) will see you fit into some. It might be a very small group or it could end up being pretty large.

Some of us also tend to be "on the outside" more than on the inside; For what ever reason they tend to be the sort who are either very anti-social or simply those who never quite crack the social cell (sometimes being a bit private in themselves or maybe not liking the same interests as those sharing the same social area as them etc...). The best thing is to just focus on being yourself and not obsessing over it, you won't "see" the structure as much then and when you're not looking at the structure (and trying to study it) you can more easily be part of the structure.

Unfortunately, this may never change. It doesn't matter how old people are or what environment they interact in, there does always seem to be some kind of social group politics going on somewhere. I think it can be something people do without realising it, and it can also be something that people do on purpose. As adults, we should know better, but we play these silly little power games anyway.

I've found that I've had to just cut myself out of the loop, just not play along. I've spent too many years trying to fit in and never quite succeeding, so now I just let them act like the two year olds they really are and get on with my life. I still feel bad about not being a proper part of some social group, but the constant aggravation and heartache are simply not worth it. I'm too old now to be pining over the attention and group inclusion that I never was able to get (no matter how hard I tried).

yea but, what I was trying to say - is that, they make parties, talk about them in course chat/twitter but only invite them self. So why not make a private conversation, or at least not brag about it all the time I sort of feel, if you make a party - invite everyone

And even when you find your friend group - try at least be friend other, and dont judge others or make them feel bad, just because you have "backup" etc. I think it`s abnormal to do such in university, you can do so in middle school etc, LOLz.

Lets put it like this, some people never grow up in that context. I feel the same with my classmates. They include some and exclude others, they talk behind people's back about others in the class, they can even bully. And we're talking about a range of 23-55 of age in our class = Grown ups.
But it's all about how people think. Not everyone thinks of including everyone, not everyone thinks of how things come across. And some even do things like that on purpose. To show how cool they are and to put up an appearance to the rest of the world.
I agree with you there, it's more of the younger adolescence sort of attitude. We are grownups now and we're supposed to be more open and even though we naturally cant like everyone. We at least have to respect and try to be nice to them. Cause thats the good thing to do.

Don't be afraid to shatter their cliques by being a fool. People think that once they have set up a small base of people they know they are set for life but that is nonsense garbage. After you realize that anybody can help anybody else the whole world becomes a plane of infinite possibility and opportunity, sometimes you have to embarrass yourself or push against the failed socialization of these people though.

So recently, some people of my course lately are kind of douchy; I`m thinking maybe they have felt it - so to say -> it`s like they are making parties (etc), sort of stuff, and they invite only some people (they sort of invite only their "friends" ) Yeah, I`m not one of them lol, truth to be told - I dont have a lot of friends in my course, but yeah (it`s been half a year) ; ok the question is simple lol - because at first they were very friendly etc, but now they are sort of seperate, and douchy, arrogant etc. I was just wondering why do people change in so ways? Did they find their supporters or what? Was just wondering how do people change so much in official enviroment? You know, I mean -we are in university, were you should treat other with respect, no matter their views and ideas - or who they are; you mean, I am generally friendly to everyone (now to almost everyone). So yeah, why do people do so, change so fast, and act in such a manner?

I am only a year older ( not sure if it changes much) but I feel older (LOLz), and I look at them, and think - wtf ; )

meh, today is weird day; I feel weird, probably due to minor sadness

Click to expand...

When I was about 27 or 28 a girl at work asked me to spend the weekend with her at her school... UC Santa Barbara in California. I was a bit blown away as she was just 18 and we'd only been on two dates. So I asked "where should I get a room in town"... she said oh no I'd be bunking up with her and her roommate in their dorm. What!? I ended up sitting in on lectures and some of her classes, hanging out at the school library and walking along the shore... and banging her brains out at night... while her roommate slept with her boyfriend just across the room. Mind you these weren't sluts, both straight A+ honor students taking heavy course loads. But they were experiencing freedom from home and parents for the very first time, and I think they just sort of enjoyed saying '**** you to their parents' and were spreading their wings a bit. They were very much into hanging out with a select bunch of people (from what I could see) and I think feeling like they were just too cool... but hell, why not?

It's kind of outrageous I think, I was the most conservative person in the room as that was not at all my scene. What was I to her, just an older guy she liked the looks of and nothing more. She thought it would be cool to have a guy over for the weekend, just like grownups do. It's all rather silly and shouldn't matter, being cool or not so cool or being part of this group or that group. In the end, at least from my experiences, we're all scared of not fitting in and those of us who seem confident and in control... are only better at covering it up.

Truthfully anonymous, I think perhaps it tells us more about you than the people you believe to be arrogant. Sometimes you should let yourself be vulnerable, take a chance on people you don't know very well. So to your question, why do people change so fast and act in such a manner?.. because they're growing up.

It's just an observation, but why do you care about these other "douchy" people so much?

i think the answer is some people are decent, kind and courteous and some people aren't. yes, some people can grow out of poor social behaviour but many don't. it's not about whether they'll grow up or not, it's about finding your tribe, your people, your home. people who are authentic and good and who like you for who your are. it's a cliche but as i've gotten older i have fewer friends but they're solid. they've been through a bunch of crap with me as i have with them, and we're still there for each other. it's nice. i miss being part of a big group like when i was younger, but i don't know how sustainable those things are as people travel, get married, have families, get divorced, explore careers, read, not read, grow, not grow. be kind to yourself. love who you are and trust you'll find a solid friend or group of friends who will be right for you cos it sure doesn't sound like the current mob are. xx

When I was about 27 or 28 a girl at work asked me to spend the weekend with her at her school... UC Santa Barbara in California. I was a bit blown away as she was just 18 and we'd only been on two dates. So I asked "where should I get a room in town"... she said oh no I'd be bunking up with her and her roommate in their dorm. What!? I ended up sitting in on lectures and some of her classes, hanging out at the school library and walking along the shore... and banging her brains out at night... while her roommate slept with her boyfriend just across the room. Mind you these weren't sluts, both straight A+ honor students taking heavy course loads. But they were experiencing freedom from home and parents for the very first time, and I think they just sort of enjoyed saying '**** you to their parents' and were spreading their wings a bit. They were very much into hanging out with a select bunch of people (from what I could see) and I think feeling like they were just too cool... but hell, why not?

It's kind of outrageous I think, I was the most conservative person in the room as that was not at all my scene. What was I to her, just an older guy she liked the looks of and nothing more. She thought it would be cool to have a guy over for the weekend, just like grownups do. It's all rather silly and shouldn't matter, being cool or not so cool or being part of this group or that group. In the end, at least from my experiences, we're all scared of not fitting in and those of us who seem confident and in control... are only better at covering it up.

Truthfully anonymous, I think perhaps it tells us more about you than the people you believe to be arrogant. Sometimes you should let yourself be vulnerable, take a chance on people you don't know very well. So to your question, why do people change so fast and act in such a manner?.. because they're growing up.

It's just an observation, but why do you care about these other "douchy" people so much?

Click to expand...

Truth is - I don`t care, I just dislike the additude towards other course