My reflections on my 2nd month of Calvary, Paying the price of Truth by Jun Lozada

My reflections on my 2nd month of Calvary
Paying the price of Truth
By Jun Lozada

Life in the Hot Seat

I left Manila for Hong Kong upon the instruction of the office of
the Executive Secretary with the person of Deputy Executive
Secretary Gaite arranging the ante‐dating of my documents with DENR
Sec. Lito Atienza to legitimize my travel to avoid my appearance at
the Senate last Jan. 29, 2008. It is now exactly two months from
that fateful January morning to today March 29, 2008, two calendar
months time but almost equivalent to an entire lifetime for me and
my family, for our former tranquil family life is now like a mirage
in the desert, it may appear to be there but only to disappear when
you come closer to it.

Why did they want to kill me?

The GMA administration must have really feared so much what I know
of the corruption under her administration that when I came back to
Manila last Feb. 05, 2008, I was taken forcibly by unidentified men
led by a man which I would know later as Gen. Atutubo, the Asst.
Gen. Mngr. Of the NAIA for Security, the same man who made a
slashing gesture on his neck when turn around to face the CCTV
camera at the NAIA, I was brought by these mystery men to Cavite and
Laguna with intention to kill me and silenced me for good. How I
survived was a story of grit and divine grace, how my wife and my
sister was able to contact & be put "on the air" by the radio
stations after they were alerted by our brother who was trying to
pursue me from the NAIA, how the religious reacted when I was lost
and how the Senate President demanded from the PNP to produce me was
something that nobody can put together , but in the end it was Media
that actually saved my life as I have heard it myself "Ibalik na
natin to at masyado na raw mainit ang media", Thank you Media,
especially the AM radio and TV for looking for me that fateful
afternoon of February 05 of 2008.

The lies begins

I was forced to write in my own handwriting an official request for
security addressed to the Chief PNP Gen. Sonny Razon by the
unidentified men upon instruction given over the phone by their
superior, who was the same person who angrily told me to stop
texting my location and turn off my phone, who introduced himself to
me as George. I remembered Sec. Atienza calling up the man and asked
that the phone be handed to me, to tell me that everything is ok and
that I am free to go home, then Sec. Neri called me up as well to
tell me to calm down my wife because its creating a media hype
already. But my captors have a different idea, they brought me
instead to Libis, Q.C. and there I met a lawyer hired by Deputy
Executive Secretary Manny Gaite of Malacaň ang to draft my false
affidavit and be forced to sign it under duress of Col. Paul
Mascariň as of the PNP the following day, while at the same time,
Gen. Razon the PNP Chief was busy changing his story of where I was
and how I ended up in their custody, up until the very end when I
spoke with Mike Defensor who was convincing me to have a press
conference to deny that I was abducted and deny any involvement with
the NBN ZTE deal, kasi nasasaktan na si Mam o kung kokontra ka
eh "tatrabuhin ka lang naman naming sa media!", a threat which is in
full steam and venom right now, courtesy of malacaň ang mercenaries
disguised as journalist and their special operatives handlers. This
highly paid group has successfully buried the kidnapping and
attempted rub‐out case under a rubble of lies that they unceasingly
manufacture against me, from poison letters, komiks, media attacks
to black propaganda special operatives, waiting to pounce on every
opportunity they can to destroy the trust that the public may have
given me.

The Reluctant witness, I do not want to be a Hero!

The first Senate hearing was really a gut wrenching experience, I
was physically exhausted from lack of sleep for almost a week, I was
not able to eat well for two days before the hearing, my nerves are
wracked from psychological tension, I was afraid of the consequences
of what I am going to say for myself, my family, my career, my
reputation and my future. And I was fearful of what the GMA cabal
will do to me for what I was about to do, knowing fully well their
vindictiveness on their enemies which I was to become.

My hands were shaking when I was taking the oath to tell the truth
to God and to the country, it was almost ten hours of agonizing
discourse with the senators, with questions ranging from the
profound to the ridiculous, some with empathy some with malice and
spite, altogether it was an experience that I do not wish upon
anyone else.

The succeeding ones were not as grueling as the first but as
demanding in terms of defending the truth from those who attacked it
and wish to destroy it with their lies, I was at first polite being
once a colleague of these men, but was forced to be more resolute in
rebutting their lies when they shamelessly heaped upon the senators
and the viewing public lies upon lies upon lies, which they
themselves were contradicting in their own testimonies. I must admit
that I was ambivalent between having pity on them for what they were
doing against their conscience and scorn for them for blatant kapal
ng mukha in telling all of these lies as if all the Filipino are
stupid, at the end, I just left all to God who knows the truth even
in the hearts of men and prayed that I just be left in his peace
despite all the fury around me.

The Days between the hearings, invitations to speak!

The Association of the Major Religious Superiors of the Philippines,
known as the AMRSP, who provided the Sanctuary to my young family
and moral support to me during the entire period from Feb. 05, 08 to
the present, started receiving invitations from the different
schools and universities beginning initially from members of the
Catholic Educators Association of the Philippines, known as CEAP,
then even from non-sectarian universities such as the Polytechnic
University of the Philippines (PUP) and the Phil. Normal University
(PNU), then a series of Sunday masses called the "Mass for Truth"
was launched by the Watch, Pray and Act movement (WPA), The
Religious of the AMRSP consulted the Blue Ribbon Committee if I
would be allowed to go to these activities, which the senate agreed
to allow under the condition that the Senate Security be given the
overall security responsibility for my safety.

No Strategy, No Campaign

There is no strategy or a campaign, it was just a spontaneous
response to an outpouring of support from the different sectors of
society particularly from the youth. We don't even have a prepared
speech when we go to the schools just for me to be physically
present is sometimes enough for the youth to feel in solidarity with
what I did and what I stood for and that is "No more to corruption
and greed!".

There is no guideline either, sometimes we get to face a boisterous
mob, sometimes we get to face a few people listening intently.
Government propagandist are alarmed with the kind of warm reception
I am having from the young people and they are immediately
countering with all sorts of black propaganda that I am now on the
political campaign trail for 2010, and to my surprise many people
did actually buy this propaganda until they actually spoke with me
and realized that they were again fooled once again by the sorcerer
of the administration. As I have said many times over, all I want is
to do after this is over and I'm hopefully in one piece is to put up
a chicken inasal business, but on a more serious note, let me
categorically state that I am not running for any electoral position
on 2010.

No Politico, No Funding

One of the favourite lie by the GMA administration that is being
ably spread by the National Security Council and its religious
cohorts headed by Norberto Gonzales, is that I am a pakawala of
certain politicians particularly Lacson & De Venicia, that I am
receiving funds from these politicians handlers. I use to take it
lightly until some of my close friends in the religious community
who were attending theology classes being handled by the ideological
twin of Gonzales in a university in katipunan, started telling me of
how this Priest professor was actually using wiretapped
conversations of me to deceive his students in moral theology that
Jun Lozada is such a wily person who has outwitted the entire nation
by staging his own kidnapping, rescue and even his senate
appearance, and in the process has fooled the entire government
machinery and its big wigs such as Sec. Atienza, Mike Defensor,
Manny Gaite, Atty. Tony Bautista, Gen. Sonny Razon, The PSG, The
PNP's Col. Mascariň as and his minions, what a tall tale this
religious is telling, sobrang galing ko naman na malansi ko lahat
itong mga madudunong na taong ito at sabay sabay pa. Then I was told
that he is doing the same presentation when he does the retreat for
some religious congregation, that is why I am now not surprised when
officiating priests in our celebration of the mass will show me
texts from their brother priests telling them not to be used by
Lozada and his politician handlers, and much to my relief these
priests who have actually heard me share my personal reflections
would assure me that they will be the one to set right their
misinformed brothers of their community.

In fact one of the best kept secret of my present predicament which
I was not sharing with the public until I had the permission of the
AMRSP is that one of the conditions of their sanctuary protection
being provided for my family, is that I should not be associated
with any political party or with any political figure or else they
will be forced to take us out of their sanctuary program. I am 24/7
together with the religious brothers and sisters of the AMRSP who
monitors who comes to visit and where I can go, I guess those who
are not sure if they are being misled by these government
propagandist can easily verify this information by calling the AMRSP
National Office at 725-3478 and look for Sr.Estrella Castalone, FMA,
Sr. Cres Lucero, SFIC or Sr. Mary John Mananzan, OSB.

All expense for our trips are to be paid for by the organization who
invites us, is one of the major conditions for our acceptance of an
invitation.

Public smiles, Private agonies

The media portrays me in a smiling and seemingly enjoying a new
found fame in the public eye, but what media fails to portray is the
private sufferings of myself and my family from the ceaseless
harassment from death threats, character demolition, legal suits to
black propaganda, the pain of seeing my children crying their hurts
out upon seeing the news of my past mistake, the frustration to see
my boys lost out their academic honors because they were able to go
school for almost a month, to share the pain of my children who were
ostracized by their barkada's parents at baka madamay pa sila sa
gulo ni Lozada, the discomfort of not being able to stay in your own
home, the fear for the physical security of my family, the
insecurity of not being able to work out a living with a family to
raise and the uncertainty of having a normal family life ever again.

To those who gets turned off when they see me on media portrayed
like a politico, ako po ay humihingi ng paumanhin dahil ako ay
walang training o pagsasanay, pero kayo kaya lumagay sa kalagayan
ko? Pinagdudusahan ko na nga at ng aking pamilya ang pasiya kong
maglingkod sa Bayan, ako pa ang sisihin ninyo dahil nakangiti ako
pag nasa labas? I do not want to be self righteous, but may I ask
you to reflect on these questions before you judge me?

• What have you done to correct corruption?
• What have you given up to fight corruption?
• What have you gained from corruption?
• What have you done to uplift the victims of corruption?

Or are you one of those who will simply turn your back on corruption
without trying to correct and you rationalize your inaction to fight
corruption with such thoughts as "basta ako mabuti, hayaan mo na
silang masasama dyan" or "Hayaan mo na sila baka madamay pa tayo sa
gulo" and other similar excuses?

Sharing my Personal Reflections, Let the light into the Dark

Let me share with you now in writing my personal reflections similar
to what I share with the students and parishioners when I talked to
them during my visit, an act purely out of my own personal
conviction as a Christian, of living up to the teaching "Love your
neighbour as you love yourself".

What is it in these reflections that the administration propagandist
find so alarming I really do not know, although I suspect that they
are afraid that these reflections may encourage many more people to
go to the Light and uphold the truth that they know as well, and in
the process shed light on the darkness that pervades the government
and expose more of these corrupt transactions that has long been
kept from the people.

Here is the first of the four lessons that I share with the people
that they may avoid the same suffering that I am undergoing through
right now because of my decision to tell the piece of truth that I
know about the NBN ZTE deal.

2. Do not tolerate corruption, because by tolerating it you are
actually participating in it – The second lesson I have learned is
that in our Filipino society of today, we tolerate corruption and
crime as long as our family is not affected. We tolerate corruption
and crime in the name of peace, yung attitude na huwag ka ng
makialam at baka madamay pa tayo. We tolerate corruption and crime
by rationalizing that as long as we mean well to our fellowmen & in
all self righteousness washed our hands with these crimes by
saying "basta tayong pamilya ay mabuti hayaan mo na silang masasama
gawin ang kalokohan nila!". It is similar to turning your back when
you see a victim being raped, you knew a crime is being committed
but you did nothing dahil baka madamay ka pa sa gulo, at nagsawalang
kibo ka ulit nung nakita mong ninanakawan at pinapatay yung ibang
tao sa ibang parte ng bansa, tapos nagsawalang kibo ka ulit nung
ninakawan at napatay yung kapitbahay mo, ng dumating ang araw na
ikaw at ang pamilya mo naman ang nabiktima ng mga magnanakaw at
mamatay tao, nakita mo na wala ring kumibo para tulungan ka at iyong
pamilya. Ganito na ang kalagayan n gating lipunan, wala ng
Samaritanong gusting tumulong sa mga nabibiktima ng mga magnanakaw
at mamamatay tao. What is worse with tolerating corruption is that
those who tolerate it later on becomes part of the corruption, after
a little more while then they become the purveyor of corruption
themselves, kasi yan na lang ang paraan para umasenso. Ipakita natin
na tayong mga Pilipino ay kayang kumilos laban sa mga masasama at
pwedeng mamuhay ng marangal at Malaya laban sa korupsyon.

3. Teach the children to listen to their conscience and model to
them acts of integrity – This is one of the lessons I learned from
my interaction with the young people during my initial school visits
and this question was commonly asked by the youth in different
schools, "Sir Jun, among all the people we saw and heard on TV
regarding the NBN‐ZTE deal, you are the one naman that we believe
who is telling us the truth, but what we can not understand is why
are you doing it? You have put your life in danger, you have put
your family in harms way, you have lost your job, even your future
is uncertain, why are you doing it? What will you get something in
return? This question which is often asked with curious innocence
and with no evident malice, which often will lead me to answer them
that in life, there are certain things you must do because it is the
right thing to do, because it is what your conscience dictates to be
the right thing to do and often lead you to act in an honourable
way, into an act of integrity and you do it without any
consideration of money or material things in exchange. In fact, when
I asked them if they still talk about honour & integrity with their
parents, most of them will say "no!", that is why it is important
that parents should provide the children with a good role model.
Although it may true that I did not receive money, material things
or power in exchange for what I I did, I told them that I have
receive something that is more valuable in return and that is the
genuine affection of strangers, including the trust and respect of
many people particularly the youth, I told them that no amount of
money can ever buy the affection, trust & respect of the people.

4. You must accept your own truths as you go to the light of truth –
More than the fear for my life, more than the fear for the safety of
my family, more than the fear for my career and my livelihood, was
the fear that if I decide to hold the light of truth, I cannot avoid
being the first one to be shone upon by its light, I cannot avoid
that my own blemishes in life, my secrets be exposed to the public.
It was this fear of laying the truth of your entire life to the
public, of accepting with humility the confession of your own truth
to the entire nation, it was the greatest fear I have to overcome in
wanting to tell the piece of truth that I possess in the NBN‐ZTE
deal. Sino ba namang tao ang tumanda na walang nagawang kasalanan?
But go on ahead with the truth, no matter how painful and difficult
it may be, because based on my experience I have found that people
and God are willing to forgive as long as you decide to go to the
light, as long as you decide to tell the truth.

These are my reflections of my ordeal and the lessons I have learned
over the last two months as a result of my decision to tell the
truth of what I know about the NBN‐ZTE deal, with the aim of
encouraging other people as well to come to the Light and allow the
Light into their hearts that have been darkened by lies, evil and
deceit, which has contributed to the poverty and suffering of our
people.

Seeking the truth & Demanding for accountability & justice

I want to end this reflection paper with the same thought that I
started with Seeking out the Truth, the people should exercise their
sovereign right, the highest right of a Nation for this
administration to put out the remaining pieces of the picture of
truth of the NBN‐ZTE deal, I have paid and I'm still paying a very
high price for the piece of truth that I have put out for the people
to see. The failure of this administration to let out the other
pieces of truth being held by the government, should lead to a
demand for accountability by those who will be found betraying the
trust of the people, for without truth and accountability there will
be no justice in the land.
I have now come to realize, this is not about Jun Lozada, it is
about every Filipino fighting for what is right against an unjust
order, it is about every Filipino demanding from its government the
truth amidst the lies & deceit, its about every Filipino rallying to
battle against the evil that has long imprisoned the Filipino people.

And I have now finally understood what is the meaning of my
sufferings for, I have paid the price of telling the Filipino
something they have known all along and yet do not want to be told.

To those who gets turned off when they see me on media portrayed
like a politico, ako po ay humihingi ng paumanhin dahil ako ay
walang training o pagsasanay, pero kayo kaya lumagay sa kalagayan
ko? Pinagdudusahan ko na nga at ng aking pamilya ang pasiya kong
maglingkod sa Bayan, ako pa ang sisihin ninyo dahil nakangiti ako
pag nasa labas? I do not want to be self righteous, but may I ask
you to reflect on these questions before you judge me?

• What have you done to correct corruption?
• What have you given up to fight corruption?
• What have you gained from corruption?
• What have you done to uplift the victims of corruption?

Or are you one of those who will simply turn your back on corruption
without trying to correct and you rationalize your inaction to fight
corruption with such thoughts as "basta ako mabuti, hayaan mo na
silang masasama dyan" or "Hayaan mo na sila baka madamay pa tayo sa
gulo" and other similar excuses?

Sharing my Personal Reflections, Let the light into the Dark

Let me share with you now in writing my personal reflections similar
to what I share with the students and parishioners when I talked to
them during my visit, an act purely out of my own personal
conviction as a Christian, of living up to the teaching "Love your
neighbour as you love yourself".

What is it in these reflections that the administration propagandist
find so alarming I really do not know, although I suspect that they
are afraid that these reflections may encourage many more people to
go to the Light and uphold the truth that they know as well, and in
the process shed light on the darkness that pervades the government
and expose more of these corrupt transactions that has long been
kept from the people.

Here is the first of the four lessons that I share with the people
that they may avoid the same suffering that I am undergoing through
right now because of my decision to tell the piece of truth that I
know about the NBN ZTE deal.

2. Do not tolerate corruption, because by tolerating it you are
actually participating in it – The second lesson I have learned is
that in our Filipino society of today, we tolerate corruption and
crime as long as our family is not affected. We tolerate corruption
and crime in the name of peace, yung attitude na huwag ka ng
makialam at baka madamay pa tayo. We tolerate corruption and crime
by rationalizing that as long as we mean well to our fellowmen & in
all self righteousness washed our hands with these crimes by
saying "basta tayong pamilya ay mabuti hayaan mo na silang masasama
gawin ang kalokohan nila!". It is similar to turning your back when
you see a victim being raped, you knew a crime is being committed
but you did nothing dahil baka madamay ka pa sa gulo, at nagsawalang
kibo ka ulit nung nakita mong ninanakawan at pinapatay yung ibang
tao sa ibang parte ng bansa, tapos nagsawalang kibo ka ulit nung
ninakawan at napatay yung kapitbahay mo, ng dumating ang araw na
ikaw at ang pamilya mo naman ang nabiktima ng mga magnanakaw at
mamatay tao, nakita mo na wala ring kumibo para tulungan ka at iyong
pamilya. Ganito na ang kalagayan n gating lipunan, wala ng
Samaritanong gusting tumulong sa mga nabibiktima ng mga magnanakaw
at mamamatay tao. What is worse with tolerating corruption is that
those who tolerate it later on becomes part of the corruption, after
a little more while then they become the purveyor of corruption
themselves, kasi yan na lang ang paraan para umasenso. Ipakita natin
na tayong mga Pilipino ay kayang kumilos laban sa mga masasama at
pwedeng mamuhay ng marangal at Malaya laban sa korupsyon.

3. Teach the children to listen to their conscience and model to
them acts of integrity – This is one of the lessons I learned from
my interaction with the young people during my initial school visits
and this question was commonly asked by the youth in different
schools, "Sir Jun, among all the people we saw and heard on TV
regarding the NBN‐ZTE deal, you are the one naman that we believe
who is telling us the truth, but what we can not understand is why
are you doing it? You have put your life in danger, you have put
your family in harms way, you have lost your job, even your future
is uncertain, why are you doing it? What will you get something in
return? This question which is often asked with curious innocence
and with no evident malice, which often will lead me to answer them
that in life, there are certain things you must do because it is the
right thing to do, because it is what your conscience dictates to be
the right thing to do and often lead you to act in an honourable
way, into an act of integrity and you do it without any
consideration of money or material things in exchange. In fact, when
I asked them if they still talk about honour & integrity with their
parents, most of them will say "no!", that is why it is important
that parents should provide the children with a good role model.
Although it may true that I did not receive money, material things
or power in exchange for what I I did, I told them that I have
receive something that is more valuable in return and that is the
genuine affection of strangers, including the trust and respect of
many people particularly the youth, I told them that no amount of
money can ever buy the affection, trust & respect of the people.

4. You must accept your own truths as you go to the light of truth –
More than the fear for my life, more than the fear for the safety of
my family, more than the fear for my career and my livelihood, was
the fear that if I decide to hold the light of truth, I cannot avoid
being the first one to be shone upon by its light, I cannot avoid
that my own blemishes in life, my secrets be exposed to the public.
It was this fear of laying the truth of your entire life to the
public, of accepting with humility the confession of your own truth
to the entire nation, it was the greatest fear I have to overcome in
wanting to tell the piece of truth that I possess in the NBN‐ZTE
deal. Sino ba namang tao ang tumanda na walang nagawang kasalanan?
But go on ahead with the truth, no matter how painful and difficult
it may be, because based on my experience I have found that people
and God are willing to forgive as long as you decide to go to the
light, as long as you decide to tell the truth.

These are my reflections of my ordeal and the lessons I have learned
over the last two months as a result of my decision to tell the
truth of what I know about the NBN‐ZTE deal, with the aim of
encouraging other people as well to come to the Light and allow the
Light into their hearts that have been darkened by lies, evil and
deceit, which has contributed to the poverty and suffering of our
people.

Seeking the truth & Demanding for accountability & justice

I want to end this reflection paper with the same thought that I
started with Seeking out the Truth, the people should exercise their
sovereign right, the highest right of a Nation for this
administration to put out the remaining pieces of the picture of
truth of the NBN‐ZTE deal, I have paid and I'm still paying a very
high price for the piece of truth that I have put out for the people
to see. The failure of this administration to let out the other
pieces of truth being held by the government, should lead to a
demand for accountability by those who will be found betraying the
trust of the people, for without truth and accountability there will
be no justice in the land.
I have now come to realize, this is not about Jun Lozada, it is
about every Filipino fighting for what is right against an unjust
order, it is about every Filipino demanding from its government the
truth amidst the lies & deceit, its about every Filipino rallying to
battle against the evil that has long imprisoned the Filipino people.

And I have now finally understood what is the meaning of my
sufferings for, I have paid the price of telling the Filipino
something they have known all along and yet do not want to be told.