Much
Shorter Than Last Time

Cerberus fixed Cheating
with a gimlet eye and stood in front of his car in a determined pose.
The lad had tried to drive in to the completely full car park in a
typically bolshy move. But La Cerb was having none of it. As Cheating
remonstrated with his Nemesis her husband Billy Bullshit folded his
arms and leaned back with a knowing smirk on his face. The poor
dweeb’s had years of this and he knew the chances of Cheating
getting his own way were slimmer than a starving dachshund. And so it
proved to be. After the usual bluster his surging balloon of
confidence fizzled limply and he sheepishly reversed. Only to turn
right and scream down a no entry in a fit of testosterone defiance.
Wonderful stuff. Cerberus allowed herself a brief, satisfied grin –
which was exactly the opposite expression of Billy as he realised he
was back in the frame.

Now HP had informed us
at the Circle that this Trail was to be nowhere near as long as her
and NP’s last which stretched not only the legs but the
patience of even the most determined Hasher. So we set off past the
gaspipe road works with a light heart and an even lighter head as we
breathed in the gas that was seeping in invisible clouds from the
fractured mains. The North Sea was never so smelly. It got a bit more
surreal as we dog-legged back through the rec. A crowd of girly
teenagers hung about on the playground trying to be grown up but
failing dismally since they were... hanging about in the playground.
Mind you their good-natured, ribald cheers as our gaggle of aged
slackers creaked and limped by were a tad embarrassing. But fully
earned. Rainbow Warrior, though, enjoyed their approbation. “Coo.
Like your hair!” They exclaimed. Curiously, I had a similar
experience coming out of work this evening. Striding purposefully and
in a business-like manner along the pavement I became aware of a car
full of girls in their early twenties with one of them blowing me
kisses from the back seat. I’m sure both RW and I enjoyed the
unexpected compliments. But probably in different ways.

After a fair old bit of
tarmac we hit some woodland. Literally, in one case. Unused to the
uneven terrain or possibly confused by the green colour TT2 Hash
Crashed spectacularly, covering one side of himself with dust, wood
shavings and worm casts. Really quite impressive and thoroughly
enjoyed by those of us who witnessed the event. What a polite fellow
he is. Hardly a ‘pish’ or a ‘tush’ excaped
his lips. I think I heard a sotto voce ‘whoops!’
Zebedee, Dunny, Rampant, C5 and I uttered a few ‘whoops’
noises when we found four blobs and nothing else. Nappy Rash swore
blind he had laid an ‘F’ but we were jiggered of we could
find it. He later blamed the alphabetic omission on hungry squirrels!
Amazing the sheer brass neck of the fellow. Hardly batted an eyelid
when he told me. The one really good thing about it was that we all
got to enjoy the sight of Billy hurtling off miles away down one side
of the valley, across the bottom and up the other side. Our hearts
soared as we On Backed towards the real Trail...

... and a lot more
tarmac. By the time we reached HP who was standing languidly by an
arrow that pointed (you guessed it) further along the tarmac we were
almost completely knackered. We were to see her again later. By the
same spot. A long loop led out and back along an ankle-chewing,
flinty track before apparently turning right up a steep trail.
Caboose, Whinge and I were following Twanky and Baldrick who were, in
turn, following C5, Billy and Rampant. Now at the bottom of that hill
we had watched Cheating wandering up the path that led up the steep
field on the other side. What else could we have done but go in the
opposite direction? Just a pity that it turned out to be a Bar-9. As
Twwanky and I gasped up behind her Bootsie seemed to find it rather
funny. I didn’t even have the breath to offer a withering
riposte. We staggered up the hill, through a narrow path by a
fence... and bumped into Heavy Petting again who was living
wholeheartedly up to her name. She had by the collar a huge and
incredibly daft basset hound who was desperate to rush into the
snicket which was still full of onrushing Hashers. While HP tugged
manfully at him his front paws curled underneath him and his back
paws scrabbled the ground. It was wonderful to watch.

Although we were now
turning for home people were beginning to struggle with exhaustion.
None more so than the hallucinating Bomber who decided to run
straight up a big green hill from a Check even though most everybody
else had gone the other way. Curiously, the only other person who
followed him was Foghorn, of all people. Strange how it gets to some
people isn’t it?

After an odd
conversation between Donut, C5 and myself about his requirement for a
pair of handcuffs we trolled over a couple of green hills far away
and a couple of tarmac ones before being joined Ifinally) by Itsyor
who was trying to pretend that he had arrived late and run like the
clappers to catch up with us. A swift circuit of the duck pond with
Caboose saw us all amazed as Flash streamed in to the pub car park
like a greyhound in front of mongrels Zebedee and TT2.

This was certainly a
very enjoyable traipse through the country interspersed by a
reasonable amount of tarmac that was necessary to get us there.
Personally, I couldn’t have been happier. The pub was just 5
minutes from home! Hurrah.

Thanks NP and HP.

On On. Hashgate.

Down
Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-

Name

Reason

Style
points

Emily,
Lynne,

Tonight’s
virgins

Well
really not too bad. Nice to see ‘em.

Helen

Heavy
Petting, Lilo

Their
birthdays

Happy birthday! Where did HP put that pint!?

Cerberus

Sending
Cheating off with a flea in his ear

A
very well earned ½

Billy
Bullshit

Going
well off-Trail

Smoothly
done

Bomber

Going
up that hill

As
fast as he ran!

Foghorn

Sniggering
at Florence’s falsetto ‘On On’.

Only
stuttered a bit

Slapper

Advising
the RA he fancied a bit of flour on the side. He got some in the
beer!

Oh,
well done sir!

Heavy
Petting, Nappy Rash

Tonight’s
Hares

HP’s
second pint downed just as smoothly as the first!

Up
and Coming

Run

Date

Grid
Reference

Venue

Hares

1699

14/06/10

SU655645

The
Horse & GroomThe StreetMortimer RG7 3RD

FannybagBogbrush

Run
04

04:40
a.m.21/06/10

SU562695

Longest
Day – Light breakfast.Bring a drinkBucklebury
CommonRG7 6QD

SpotIceman

1700

21/06/10

SU751939

*
Longest Day Hash *Fox Country InnIbstone HP14 3XTPark
on road next to pub