Sports Media Musings: Gregg Doyel Is Just My Favorite

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Since returning to BSMW, I’ve written a few column breakdowns takedowns, featuring different writers, but Gregg Doyel from CBS Sports is our first scribe to appear twice here. Because he’s the best, guys. You see, Gregggg Doyel doesn’t fall into the usual tropes while writing about sports. No, no, no. He looks at things with a critical, extreme eye. It’s all black and white with Greggggg — there is no middle ground, which is fantastically stupid, and extremely short-sighted. Frankly, I love it.

Case in point: Instead of praising Tom Brady in the aftermath of his team-friendly contract extension, Gregggg questioned just how much of a team player Brady is — stating that if Brady was really a team player, he’d play for the veteran’s minimum (Which, as an aside, isn’t possible for Brady to do under current CBA rules. NO MATTER, SEMANTICS). I’d take it one step further, Brady should be paying the Patriots to play. Why not? Let’s get real crazy! Greggg got a chance to defend his take on WEEI’s “Dennis and Callahan,” and miraculously made John Dennis and Gerry Callahan appear likable, no easy feat.

The key here is to always remember everything is black and white and there is no middle ground. But before we dive in to today’s column, let’s review Greggg’s bio. It’s phenomenal:

Hi. Hello. Congratulations, you found me. And I know why you’re here — it’s because of that column you just read. It angered you. So here you are, trying to decipher my motives.

Good luck.

Authors? Tried to get into David Sedaris and failed. Tried to get into Jonathan Franzen and succeeded. But my favorites are Chuck Palahniuk at his best, and Matt Taibbi at his worst. And me. I’m underrated.

As for your original question … maybe I just don’t like your favorite team. Ever think of that?

So yeah, that’s where we stand. That’s Gregg Doyel.

Anyway, methinks Greggggg liked that moment in the incubator that is Boston sports, because he came back, with a vengeance, to offer another gem: IS THAT BILL BELICHICK GUY REALLY ALL THAT GOOD AT COACHING FOOTBALL OR IS IT JUST BRADY? GO!

Wes Welker is gone, and Bill Belichick is right. Time will tell it. History will show it. Belichick let another superstar go, and his New England Patriots will go about their merry way, winning 10 or more games in 2013 and getting into the playoffs and making a run toward the AFC title game. Maybe the Super Bowl.

Because Bill Belichick is right. He’s always right.

BELICHICK FOR PREZ IN 2016? WHO’S WITH ME!!! No? OK, well I’m going to have The Hoodie do my taxes and pick out a few stocks to invest in. Dude is always right, guys. Always.

But does he know why he’s right? Do you think he understands that he’s right, that the Patriot Way will continue without Welker as it continued without Deion Branch and Ty Law andAsante Samuel and Richard Seymour and Randy Moss — but not because he’s Bill Belichick? But because his quarterback is Tom Brady?

… Don’t forget Russ Hochstein, he was a pivotal member of the offensive line as a versatile player. Plus, he was great in those Visa commercials.

Because I think Belichick really thinks he’s the key to the whole thing. That it starts with him. That he’s the tree producing the fruit, and that Wes Welker can fall off the branch and land in someone else’s orchard and everything in New England will be fine because Belichick will just grow another one.

… the Patriots will have more than enough offense to win 10 or more games, go to the playoffs, aim for the AFC title game, maybe even get into the Super Bowl. And when it happens, Belichick will think he did that … The Patriots win because the players aren’t the thing. The system is the thing, which means the coach is the thing. That’s how Belichick thinks, if you ask me. His confidence in himself is unshakeable. And misinformed.

Bill Belichick’s conscious viewpoint of HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN (according to Gregg Doyel): The Helmet Catch? All Belichick. Ty Law‘s pick-six in the Super Bowl? Please. All Belichick. John Kasay kicking the ball out of bounds with just over a minute left, giving the Patriots great field position to win their second Super Bowl? Well, you already know, that was BB. All BB.

Guys like Chad Ochocinco have openly begged to play for the Patriots by buttering up Bill Belichick, because that’s how the game is played. Kiss Belichick’s ass, and Belichick will consider you. Kiss Brady’s ass, and you’re pressing your luck.

Greggggggg is dropping a lot of knowledge, guys. He must know the inner workings over at Foxboro. Funny, though, I don’t think I’ve seen any reporting or sources listed at all in this piece. Could this be *gasp* aimless conjecture? Hmm.

Belichick isn’t the magnet in New England — Brady is. Belichick isn’t the certifiable genius at his job; Brady is. Belichick has made plenty of good decisions over the years, sure, but he has also made some of the worst player personnel calls in recent years. Albert Haynesworth? Chad Ochocinco? Belichick wanted those losers. Asante Samuel and Richard Seymour? Belichick let them go.

Brady dated Tara Reid once. I thought that was a terrible personnel decision.

Belichick is good, too. I’m sure of that. Above average? Yeah, probably. He went 11-5 with Matt Cassel at quarterback in 2008 when Brady got hurt, staying focused and using overwhelming talent — talent that was attracted to New England because of Brady — to have another good season. Belichick is above average as a head coach, but great? I’m not sure he’s great.

I don’t have much to add to this text. Just know that Greggg called Belichick a “probably above average” coach after spending the previous 200 words talking about how the NFL is a QB’s league, then tossed aside a season in which Matt Cassel led the Patriots to an 11-5 record. None of this makes sense, yet everything about this makes sense. And my God, given the premise of this missive, the Cassel season “probably” feels worth mentioning before the 13th paragraph. Just a thought.

Then again, I just hope, someday, like Belichick (according to Doyel), I’m always right. Or at least think I’m right. Or at least think I’m right when really I have the greatest editor working on my stuff, and I’m just “above average.” Yeah, that would be nice.

9 thoughts on “Sports Media Musings: Gregg Doyel Is Just My Favorite”

Seriously, like an unhappy child at a birthday party just crying for attention. If this type of writing makes you happy with yourself when you wake up in morning, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate your life.