In Chapter Eighteen, plans were finally made to stop the plague from spreading beyond Pine Valley. It all rests on a razor's edge...

Let's rock.

Genie: Holy shit! It smells like semen and cordite in this place. Don't you ever wash the carpets?

William: So, I was thinking... theoretically... if there was a hot mad scientist who wasn't interested in me romantically... and you made me super, duper, holy-shit hot attractive...Genie: Oh, that's original. Beauty, huh? Fine. Beauty it is.

Wow, taking the direct approach, eh, Peter?

Peter: It's taken me a few months, and I had to call in a lot of favours, but I finally found out where this bastard lives. My employer is going to be so pleased when I bring him the head of the Director of SCIA!

Heidi Fuchs: Hello, Mr. Sharpe. My name is Heidi Fuchs.William: And do you?Heidi: Oh, absolutely. I send compliments from the SNIA.William: What the fuck is that?Heidi: The SimNippon Intelligence Agency. It's kinda racist, but we like how it sounds in a mobster accent. SNIA!William: SNIA, see! Yeah, definitely.

Heidi: You have defeated Chandler Greaves, one of the world's most dangerous-William: This is all fascinating, really, but can we get to the part where Mr. Sparkles gets to visit your Forbidden City?

Heidi: I am helpless in the face of your large SimNational penis.Andrew: That's what SHE said!Heidi: Who?William: ...pretty much everyone, to be honest.

William: So... wanna go do something dirty, and then maybe end up dead in my bedroom as a warning to me from one of my many enemies?Heidi: Tradition demands it.

William: This look's just not doing it for me, though. Your clothes say "herro" but your hair says "frumpy white chick."Heidi: Out of curiosity, are you ever not being racist?William: Only when I'm being sexist.

Marisa Shahan: Greetings, Mr. Sharpe. I bid you congratulations from SMI7. You have defeated-Heidi: Get in line, bitch.

William: ...give or take ten inches.Marisa: Well, of course.

Some secret agent you are.

Abigail: Ahahahaa! Ho! William! Stop it!William: Gonna pee yourself?Abigail: If you don't cut it out!William: Awesome. I have a change of clothes ready for you. They're invisible, and they look kinda like not clothes at all from a certain angle, and some people have said they look like you, naked, in my bed, under me, writhing with pleasure, but I think they're in your size at least.

William: Hey. So, since your husband is in Andrew's garbage can now, I was thinking... how about we play "Malpractice Suit." I'll be the gynecologist, you'll be, well, you get the idea.

William: Basically, let me put my piece in your puzzle.

She's putting up with a lot. I'm impressed.

Abigail: What is that, William? What is it you smell of?William: Chloroform.

Abigail: Vampires are immune to chloroform.William: I know, but it's the thought that counts.

William: I've gotta ask, what toothpaste do you use? I can barely smell your rotting gums.

William: I mean, you're like... two different kinds of dead, all rolled into one hot, sexy, dead package.

William: I guess what I'm saying is... I'm going to have to arrest myself after this.

Abigail: .oO(Don't think about where it's been don't think about where it's been don't think about where it's been...)

William: Let's see them fangs! -grabs Abigail's ass-

William: Okay, they're stuck. Can you crouch down a little? This is kinda embarassing.

William: SURPRISE!Abigail: Wow, you... could have done that a LOT more romantically.

But I guess she knows quality when she sees it...

William: Yeah yeah, take your pictures and get on with it, I'm ready to go here.

Don't hold up on account of me.

My, what red eyes you have!

Not that William's looking at her eyes anymore.

William: You know, with the time dilation in this game, I've actually got enough stamina to last for over a WEEK doing this.Abigail: You know, with the time dilation in this game, I've spent almost a YEAR listening to how awesome you think you are.

They're a good match.

Yes, I'm just being gratuitous now, but think of this: she's practically the only Sim who's only had one significant other until now!

William's Phonograph: -plays "Tip-toe through the Tulips" by Tiny Tim-William: I... you showed up early, I panicked.

This is quite possibly my favourite picture yet.

Aww... she purplegooglyhearts him. That's so insane.

Abigail: William...William: Yes, Abigail?Abigail: ...did you really name your penis "Mr. Sparkles"?William: Don't be ridiculous. He earned his name in battle.

The slump is real sexy, Abigail.

Abigail: So, do you keep all your hot inflatable girlfriends in here?William: No, I mostly use it to store dead bodies.

Abigail: ...

Abigail: I can roll with that.

Hey, don't look at me! They both got the Wants for it simultaneously! It was just meant to be.

You think I'm gonna complain that my two favourite Sims want to get married?

This wouldn't have anything to do with making her feel more human, and less like a mindless zombie, so she has the mental fortitude to develop a cure and help you complete your mission?

William: That, but also blue skin is HOT.

I can't help imagining that he's about to snap it shut on her nose lol

I bet he's more freaked out by her trash-digging than the fact that she's a naked zombie.

Hey, chivalry is not dead!

But Jeremy Bar certainly is.

Whatcha doin'?

Mona Okuma: Gonna check out this haunted mansion!

What could go wrong?

Me, I'd be depressed about being undead, but I'm glad you're not letting it get you down.

Mona: FUCKIN' ZOMBIE OVERLOAD

Mona: Inappropriate touching! INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING!

Wow... leave, right now. LEAVE SCARY UGLY PERSON LEAVE

I'm getting all kinds of nasty vibes off this, you guys.

Anyway, NOW I think she's moving in.

<

Brady: Oh, for fuck's sake, you live here TOO?!

Somehow she's just not that attractive anymore. I dunno what it is...

Well, sorry this was so long coming, I just blanked on some captions in the middle and decided to actually play the game to alleviate my writer's block. Next update, the Pine Valley Chronicles turn twenty with some of the weirdest plot twists yet!