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On Tending to the World

May 12, 2012

For My Mama, Tisha

Never before have I been more excited to hit this blank page and reach out to each of you precious Monkees. This is because just like I love having written and having parented, I really love Having Flash Mobbed. PHEW. It’s done. Love Flash Mob Week is intense. Mostly for the Monkee “behind the scenes” Team – Lou, Sister, and Amy. Lou is the head of Monkee See Monkee Do. She is in constant contact with the families for MONTHS before the mob, then she and Sister execute the plan after the mob is done. Now they will spend hours upon hours haggling with van dealers to get the best possible deal for our beloved families. Their work has JUST BEGUN. Behind every magical thing is a hell of a lot of work. FAITH AND SWEAT.Kristi– I need that sign, please. Heard it in a country song, and it’s one of my life mottos. Reminds me of the tension we live in, the tension between working and resting, Being Still and Here I Am-ing! And/Both. Life’s gotta be And/Both. Faith and Sweat.

Anyway, this “team”- Lou, Sister, Amy (computer guru), Allison (creative cat), Liz (businessy person who knows letters like 403BC) and Melissa (head of international Monkee Tribes –coming your way soon! Do you have a Tribe you’d like to create in your community? We’re preparing the tools you’ll need to create your own Monkee group!) work SO hard and they work for nothing. I hope and pray that someday they WILL get paid for their Momastery work, but for now- I just send them bananas every once in a while, and they seem to stay happy. I just want to say THANK YOU, thank you, thank you to them. THANK YOU.

**Now I shall to reveal to you my secret motivation for Flash Mobbing. Hint- it’s not really for the recipients of our money and gifts. A little, but not really. Here’s what the Mobs are really about. Here’s a comment from Jenner:

I am embarrassed to admit that I usually don’t donate money. My family struggles so much to make ends meet that my excuse has always been that there was nothing we could spare. What little I could give would be meaningless. But momastery is changing me. It’s making me realize that I am not the only one out there who struggles. That we all need to stick together and help each other out from time to time. And that maybe that little bit that I CAN sacrifice might be bigger than I realize. So this time, I donated. And I must say I felt so much joy and freedom clicking that button. I think you’ve started something in me, Glennon. Thank you for that. – Jenner

Jenner-
You just described the magic of the Flash Mob. Because YOU are what this is really about. It’s for the givers. It’s for all of us to learn how powerful we each are, how much we have to offer even with the little we have. We are all in bits and pieces and when we offer our bits and pieces -MASTERPIECES are created!!!!
Bless you – LOVE!!

That’s why we have the $25 limit. Because we want to emphasize that it doesn’t matter WHAT you give, just THAT you give.

Last week, I was so sick. I was in bed all day and barely had the energy to stand. I hadn’t seen my babies all day. At bedtime, Tish walked in to my bedroom and stood by my bed. I didn’t have it in me to say much, but I smiled, and hugged her big. And she smiled back and said “I love you, mama.” And then she left. I didn’t have the resources at that moment to offer her much, but I offered what I had, and it was ENOUGH. Enough to make a difference to her and to me. I rested in that. What I have is enough to keep and enough to share. Even if it seems like I have just a little teeny bit. Ijust have to trust that what God has given me is enough for me and enough to share. I have to remind myself that these resources I secretly believe are scarce – love, hope, energy, money – they’re really not. They’re renewable resources.

And so giving isn’t just for rich people or Tigger-like fundraising folks. It’s for all of us. Giving and receiving are not scary burdens, they are our purposes down here. Identifying our resources and letting them flow into us and back out…in and back out- allowing ourselves to be nothing but vessels of love and hope and energy, in and out. Accepting blessings and then letting them go . . . Not wasting the precious gift of energy by hoarding, by holding on too tight. That’s the stuff. Accepting blessings and then Letting them GO. Freedom. And when you start to trust this process, you become less afraid. Love casts out fear. What that scripture means to me is: When you let go whatever it is you are most afraid to let go , you learn the law of nature, God’s law of love, whatever you want to call it. It all returns to you ten-fold. It returns to you, in renewed hope or that power and joy that Jenner described. You learn that this is the LAW of this place we live in. Science/God same- same. It’s just how things were designed. Risk free giving. Everything inside of us or given to us is a renewable resource. For a perfect example- check this out.

And so we do these Mobs and we limit the donations because we need to remind ourselves that this world is OURS to change. Little by little, together. No offering, no matter how small is wasted. I’m not convinced that the SIZE of the offering has anything at all to do with its power. Remember the widow’s mite? Offer what you have. Sometimes, it’s a smile. Sometimes, that’s all you’ve got. And that is ENOUGH.

I think we get paralyzed by the needs of this world because they are so many and we think we can’t even make a dent, so we retreat. But we must remember the starfish story. A Monkee is walking down the shore picking up starfish and throwing them one at a time back in to the sea. An old woman walks up and says “Honey- You can’t possibly save all of them. There are thousands of starfish here! Millions! Do you really think you can make a difference?” And that sassy little Monkee leaned over, picked up a starfish and threw her gently into the surf. She looked up at the old woman and said, “I made a difference to that one.”

When people suggest that the world can’t be changed, I don’t think they understand. Because “the world” is just how each person perceives the world to be. So didn’t we “change the world” for Claudia? For Mindy? For Jenner? Of course we did. When you change ONE PERSON’S beliefs about the world, you change the world. Period and forever.

“Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.” Yes. And let us not forget, that the first person we do for is OURSELVES. We CANNOT spill out until we are filled. First things first. We must find a way to fill ourselves. Read, write, sing, run, practice yoga, knit, pray, socialize, hide, go to therapy, buy some shoes . . . identify the thing that fills you up and do that thing for a while. Then you’ll be ready to throw starfish. And if your whole entire life, you just throw ONE starfish -that is enough. I am sure of it. If your whole entire life, you just throw one starfish -you have helped to heal the world, and I am certain that’s what we were put here to do. Not to FIX the world. Just to help heal it and ourselves, a little gentle teeny bit. And you know what- maybe you ARE the starfish. And if you are- your job is just to make it back to the water. Or to allow yourself to be thrown.

So – Mother’s Day is tomorrow. The Love Flash Mob was preparation for tomorrow.

Mother’s day is an easy day for me. I have a mother who is as close to an angel as they come. She is by my side, literally or figuratively, every second of every day. She believes that there is NOTHING I can’t do. I have three healthy kids, so far. As far as mothering goes, tomorrow is uncomplicated for me.

But I have learned that for most folks, tomorrow is NOT uncomplicated. Because there are Monkees who have mommies that are gone. Or were never there. Or were there, but hurt them. There are Monkees whose older children are lost to depression or addiction. Whose young children are sick and not getting better. Whose children have died. Who have spent decades trying but haven’t had their children yet. There are Monkee adoptive mamas who lost their adoptions this year. There are birth mamas who gave birth and then offered another woman the ultimate gift and went home empty- armed. There are Monkees who this very year, gave birth to babies who were already gone.

Mother’s day is brutal for many people, and I’m not going to be able to change that here. I’m just hoping that acknowledging it will help a bit.

I do want to try to explain my evolving definition of the word Mother. I am starting to understand that the word works better for me as a verb than a noun. Mothering is a choice we make, like loving is a choice. We do not need to have given birth or to have signed adoption papers to Mother. To Mother, to me, means to nurture. To heal, to help grow, to give. And so anyone and everyone who is involved in the healing of the world is a Mother. Anyone who tends to a child, or friend, or stranger, or animal or garden is a Mother. Anyone who tends to Life is a Mother. Tomorrow is a celebration of all the healers and hopers and lovers and givers and tend-ers. In other words- tomorrow is for every single one of you Monkees.

And if your mother did her best but it wasn’t good enough. Or if she didn’t even try… I think you need a mother anyway. I think we all need one. And so I think what we have to do is create that mother, that one we always wanted and needed. We need to change her voice from critical and hurtful to encouraging and kind. We need to create that woman who loves us above all others, who will catch us when we fall, who will soothe us and tell us that It Is Going To Be Allright. We must find the most encouraging, loving, forgiving, adoring voice we can imagine and put it in our hearts. And then we need to practice listening for Her voice. We must check in with that voice several times a day until her voice drowns out all the others. If we have not been mothered well, we need to mother ourselves well. It IS hard, near impossible, but we can do impossible things. The most important person to Mother is ourselves. Let’s celebrate that tomorrow, too. Let’s celebrate the Art of Mothering – tending to ourselves and those around us – whomever those may be.

I love you, Monkees. Happy Mother’s Day. Thank you for making dreams come true with me this week.

Hey there… sorry that you’ve been sick, again. It’s the pits. Especially when you’re a mom. Especially when you are helping other moms. May God strengthen you for the task he’s called you to… your family first and then your amazing ministry.

I wrote my third email to [email protected] hoping that someone will see my sister as a mom who needs a helping hand. There’s so much more than I can put on paper, but I resent the original again tonite. Hoping to hear that at least it’s been received. I guess I don’t understand the system. Blessings to you all. It’s true. “Individually we are a drop. TOGETHER WE ARE AN OCEAN” (Satoro) Michelle Smith

I think that you’re right that one need not be a biological mother to mother. Due to health problems and medications, I have not yet been able to have children, though I hope that the day is near when I can. However, the instinct to nurture has been strong in me since I was a young child, and I have played a mothering role in my sister’s life ever since she was born (when I was almost four). I mother my cousins and my husband and my friends. I love them, I show them that I love them, and they know that they can always count on me for support, advice, and friendship. I have a wonderful mother and in many ways I think that I’ve learned my behaviour from her, but in a greater sense, the maternal instinct has always been strong in me and it gives me confidence and courage to know that I have had the opportunity to mother, even though I am not yet a mother. Thank you for reminding me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for these words. I am a stepmother (or StepMonkee :). I didn’t have children before I married my sweet and wonderful husband, who is a father of two. The kids already have a mother, and she struggles, so we do too. It is brutal, but it is turning brutiful, slowly. It’s hard to be an “in-between” mother on Mother’s Day, and I know I have it easier than most because of my lovely family. Thank you for your sensitivity in honoring mothering rather than a narrow interpretation of the role of mother. And thank you for providing inspiration and opportunities for me and others to love each other better.

I didn’t have my best Mother’s Day yesterday. I didn’t honor myself like I should have. I haven’t really figured out how to do Mother’s Day as a single mom. This year my kids were with their dad so I tried to ignore it. That did not work!

Next year I think I’m going to pack the kids up to go camping. We should celebrate that we, as three, are complete. Sometimes I forget.

This touched my to the core…thank you G for all the tenderness you have poured out for us all, and poured into this post in particular. I am a bipolar mom of 2 little girls, and live outside the US, far away from family. I am blessed to have a wonderful mother and grandmother! But I CONSTANTLY feel INADEQUATE and GUILTY and wonder just how much my husband and children will resent me in the future for not being ENOUGH for them. Your post spoke to my heart, sent shockwaves through me, and helped me to acknowledge that ENOUGH is not a finite quantity. I will carry this with me, thinking and considering for many days, and trying to keep it in mind every day. THANK YOU!!! You are a true inspiration and sister to all of us Monkees!
Hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day!

“Let’s celebrate the Art of Mothering – tending to ourselves and those around us – whomever those may be.” As a teacher, this hits home in a big way. 8.5 hours a day I mother 100+ kids. Each day I have to remind myself that the small things I can do will HAVE to be enough – because 100+ 8th graders will drive you batty. 🙂

Yes! Mother ourselves. Very, VERY hard, but very VERY possible. I’ve spent a good 3 years learning to do this. I still am learning. There are times I beg God for a mother. Cry for a mother. Plead for a mother. It’s taken a lot to practice mothering myself. Taking care of myself. Kissing my own bruised knees. Wiping my own tears. I want other Monkees to know that IT IS POSSIBLE. You can take care of yourself as a mother would. It takes time, patience, and love for yourself. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL OF US! Love you Monkees!!

You are AMAZING, Glennon. I can’t even express the excitement I felt seeing that my comment moved you enough to share. I LOVE being a part of this. This flash mob, this community. You inspire me so much! THANK YOU for you giving me the opportunity to participate in a miracle. XOXO

When I read your commentt on last night’s post, I was surprised that G had not replied to you. When I saw it as part of her thank you post today, I realized that she saved it for the special attention it deserved. What you wrote inspired and moved me, too.

Hi Elizabethon! Thanks for your kind note! I am SO blessed. I have so many people who have helped me in my times of need, but I always felt guilt mixed in with my gratitude because I couldn’t (or so I thought) pay it forward. It feels so good to be affirmed that there is always room to give, and no matter how insignificant it might seem at the time, it is ENOUGH. As long as my heart is in it and my intentions are pure, it is enough.

Oh, and G actually did comment – must have been right after you had looked! 🙂 I cried when I read it.

“Flow in and back out … in and back out.” I love this. It’s like waves … and breathing. You get just enough breath, and then you let it back out. The keys are “just enough,” let it back out” and don’t forget to breathe back in! Simple — and yet not simple. But thank you for this inspired bit of writing. You’ve changed my life today!

This was beautiful. I appreciate you talking about all kinds of different mothers. For me, Mother’s day is certainly brutiful as I have a son, born still, in Heaven who I hold in my heart, but also am 11 month old son I get to hold in my arms.

G-
I don’t know how you do it but your writing moves me every time. It causes me to shed tears of joy or sadness or both. And best of all, it makes me want to do something better. It often changes the lens through which i view the world, and that’s a good thing. I have added a couple of items to my to-do list for tomorrow to reach out to a few friends with love thanks this blog. I’m proud to be a monkee.

What a great shift in thinking, mothering as a verb. I find myself calling lots of high school kids sitting on my sofa “sweetie” and praying they drive themselves safe to their own homes. I pray they reach for the highest at brightest star for they light up my house like a starry night when they are here. Mothering is hard. Mothering is hope. Mothering is love. I am inspired by your mothering G –

Your welcome. It is my pleasure. As someone who has been awakened and changed for the better because of this blog, I am humbled, blessed, honored, and privileged to be able to play a small role in the larger, huge outpouring of flash love.

There are so many slices of banana brilliance and tenderness in this essay, I will have to spend the day eating it up. But this… Faith and Sweat, I love most. You Monkees should know. During the prep phase of a love flash mob I have a lot of faith. But during the actual mob I have a lot of doubters sweat. I curse the $25 max rule. And I wonder if we’re going to make it. I fear we will not. I wonder how much and what kind of sweat I should put forth. And then, of course, the Monkees come through all on their own. And my faith is renewed tenfold. Faith and Sweat.

Much love to each of you, every bit and piece, that makes up this magical Momastery masterpiece.

May you find moments of peace and contentment tomorrow on Mother’s Day.

This was beautiful. I hope you don’t mind I quoted two paragraphs and cited you as this is just what I needed to kick start my post today. Lots of love. Every drop matters. I love this community of hope:)

Knowing I was going to want to read this post over (and over) again, I went to bookmark it and found that it was ALREADY bookmarked! Did I do it subconsciously? Or is something more deliciously bigger at work? Either way… smiling.

I missed the flash mob due to travel :(, so I just rushed out and added our good stuff to the pile of food waiting for our mailman to collect (Stamp out Hunger day today). Feels good!

thank you G…thank you for being willing to do all you do w/ the help of your monkee crew…thank you for letting each of us help others in a HUGE way by all working together by choice (love can not be forced, neither can charity because then they’re not love or charity) i was lucky to check the site wednesday before leaving on a trip and was able to participate…i can honestly say if i’d missed it i would be really sad that i did

thank you for letting me be a part of it…and i too have an amazing mom, how so very blessed i am!!!

Thank you for reminding me to embrace “enough.” I feel so inadequate sometimes in all my roles, mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, self. Thank you also for acknowledging the mixed emotions that can come with Mother’s Day. Tomorrow I will celebrate being a mother to my 2-year-old daughter and my lost son who would be 6 this year. You are truly an inspiration!

I’ve been a lurker here on Momastery for a long time, but was totally inspired and amazed by the Love Flash Mob this week. What a terrific way to remind us all that small voices can go a long way toward big change. I am the mom of a 3 1/2 year old girl and a 4 1/2 year old boy, both wonderfully funny, vibrant, enthusiastic kids. We are lucky enough to lead a blessed life and are thankful to have been pretty fortunate in life so far, but we are working hard every day to teach our kids about giving back and how small things and small people can make a big difference. Last week, my son’s preschool teacher was raising money to buy mosquito nets for moms and babies in Nicaragua. My son grabbed a hold of this idea and completely RAN with it (a Monkee in training??) — became completely devoted to the cause of “saving babies” one mosquito net at a time. He created a video (http://vimeo.com/kslang/max-nets) and we sent it out to some friends. His goal was to raise $100 to save 10 babies, and he’s now up to $939!!!!!! Totally amazing tribute to the power of love and little things. I thought you’d appreciate it! He even wore a tie…. Very cute! Enjoy!

Thanks G, my mama is dead and it’s official birth mothers day today. Mothers day is brutiful around here, usually erring on brutal. My daughter, who remembers her birth mom has a really hard time. We decided to turn mothers day into the day we both grieve. We now write letters to our mamas and let them float away on balloons.
In a few weeks we will celebrate mothers day for me. When I’m not grieving my mom, and my kiddo’s don’t feel pressured to choose a mother to honor.

Wish I could hug the whole monkee team who worked to make the mob work.

Thank you, Glennon! You are always so considerate about the different circumstances we Monkees are in or have been in. Thanks to your tireless crew of workers! Thanks for the lessons and the reminders and organizing Flash Mobs so we can experience what we love to think about.

There’s a Catholic author named Katrina Zeno who teaches that one of the ways women are unique is that we are called to Spiritual Motherhood. That basically means the encouragement, the comfort, the anything we do for others, and it has nothing to do with actually being a mother. It’s something in all women. I saw it in my daughter when she approached a preschool classmate to ask him what was wrong when he was pouting by himself in a corner. Thanks everyone, for your part in this. I love being a Monkee.

A new baby born into this world while her mommy leaves it. I can’t stop thinking about this lovely little family and all of the mixed emotions they are living…especially with Mother’s Day tomorrow. Keep them in your thoughts and prayers. Thank you to Glennon and the entire Monkee team for doing what you do and being who you are! You are AMAZING!

I haven’t been online so I missed the LoveMomMOB! But, there is nothing more joyful than reading about this miracle and knowing that you, Glennon, and all the monkee’s have successfully enveloped two families in Monkee love! Thank you for all you do!!

For those who can’t contribute, I think that they need to know there is also a value in spreading awareness. Sharing a link on Facebook, talking to a friend about these projects, etc.
I am passionate about Chinese orphans. That’s my life, that’s my work, my world revolves around doing what I can for them. I had a friend come up to me last year and say “I see all your Facebook posts and I wish I could support your charity, but I just have zero money. But I have to tell you, I think about Chinese babies every day. I worry about them, and I pray for them.” My answer to her was “Thank you. That’s enough.”
I think that it’s not always about money. It’s about doing what you can, even if it is just reposting a link to Facebook, or saying a prayer, or holding someone in your heart. There’s value in that.

I am a Grandmother of 3 and a mother of 2. I take care of my 7 year old grandson because my daughter is sick with Lyme Disease and Babesiosis and in constant pain from spinal surgeries. Please let me know if and how this Grandmother can start a Monkee group of all ages here in southwestern Virginia

Beautiful post. And for all the monkees struggling to celebrate mother’s day, once, long ago, I heard something that changed me forever… Be the mother (or father, sister, brother,or friend…) that you always wished you had.

You can’t change the past. All you can do is forgive, use some of that monkee light to thank your mom for doing the best she could at the time. (Because like so many monkee moms, she probably did.)

And then move forward in your life, ‘mothering’ in the way you wish you had been loved, cared for, enjoyed, and celebrated as a child and person yourself. I’ve always looked at my children as a gift from God to be the mom to them that I always wished I’d had… Thanks for a light-filled week.

There is so much that I love about you, but one of my most favorite is your instinct for bringing us all together. The $25.00 limit is GENIUS. Even though $25.00 may at times seem out of reach for us, I know that I can give something and be a part of it just as much as the person who could easily give $1000.00 and think nothing of it. We ALL MATTER. We all have something to give. This is for the givers….AMAZING. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for teaching me this lesson at the ripe, young age of 39! I knew it with my head, but I am now trying to live it with my heart. Despite having the starfish story displayed in my classroom while I was teaching I realize now I just didn’t get it yet. I do now because of you. Thank you.

LOVE the community that has been created here.
I have been talking to hubby today about what you do and how you reach others through helping others. I want to be a part of that! How do I get involved in making this a worldwide phenomena? I live in the most remote capital city in the world…yet we need some monkee see monkee do action over here too!

Louise…start recruiting some “Mothers”- as defined in the post. Melissa will have information for us soon about how to HIT THE GROUND with this Revolution. Monkee Tribes, groups of people meeting to discuss REAL life and take care of each other are popping up all over the country, and we want to reach further. Maybe you’re our Monkee for that. We will be launching these groups officially soon. Start thinking and stay tuned!!!! Yippee!!!!

Thank you, thank you for awknowledging ALL the mothers. As someone who spends all of my free time volunteering for children, most abused as neglected, but has no children in my own possession it touches me deeply to see that awknowledment. I am a mother, I feel like a mother, and sometimes I get to teach other women how to mother. And, yes, I would keep doing what I’m doing regardless of if anyone ever called me a mother, but it means so much to hear it.
Happy Mother’s Day to ALL the moms. I’m so glad I got to witness this week.