Author Archive for Tessa Annells

I am a 22 year old, cisgendered female in a heterosexual relationship with a 22 year old, cisgendered male. We live together, share finances to some extent, and occasionally make our fantasy plans for the future.

Now, this may seem off-topic, but bear with me a moment please. I am also a chef, and my place of employment offers catering services in addition to takeaway meals and a cafe. As the place I live in is a lovely and picturesque part of Australia, we have done a few weddings as part of our catering.

I am a very driven person, and in a lot of ways, I live and breath my work. So in my off time, I read, research, look at the latest trends. And I price compare. Now, apparently, as part of what I look at, and bring back to work is the service side of wedding packages, I am planning my fantasy wedding.

This really irks me, in a lot of ways that I can and cannot articulate. First of all, while I love my partner dearly, and we plan a life together, those future plans? Those future plans are buying a house, or taking a fabulous holiday. We don’t plan to be married anytime soon, because neither of us feels emotionally mature enough at this point of our lives to make a commitment of that scale.

Secondly? My beloved does not get assumptions that any of his actions mean that he is entertaining his fantasy wedding in his head. Only I, the female partner, get this assumption leveled at me. And if I politely correct the assumers that my interest in the topic is purely professional? I am then leveled with the accusation that “Obviously your partner doesn’t want to marry and you’re denying your desires to be a bride”.

Wat.

Being in possession of ovaries does not mean that I’m a marriage-obsessed Bridezilla in hiding. Being in possession of ovaries makes me a woman. And I resent that “woman” is a loaded word to some people, that “female” connotes air-headed, shoe-loving, baby-crazy and marriage-obsessed. Not that there is necessarily anything wrong with being any of these things, more that these stereotypically “female” traits are oftentimes treated as the ONLY things women are. It is entirely possible for an intelligent and successful woman to have an “airhead” moment. A woman can espouse feminine ideals while wearing a pair of killer boots. Abortion rights do not go hand in hand with baby-hating.

And sometimes, it’s entirely possible that a person in possession of ovaries can read the latest menu quotes for weddings with a professional point of view in mind.