Dotty Gara: The incredible but true story of one Lewiston woman's life (so far)

by jmaloni

Sat, Nov 3rd 2012 07:00 am

Dotty Gara sits in her garden, outside of her Lewiston home.

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As told to Joshua Maloni

"I'm
73 - and I brag about it," Dotty Gara says. "I was supposed to
die when I was 40."

In
fact, Gara, a Lewiston resident since 2000, could've died a few
times since she crossed life's proverbial hill. Instead, she became
a survivor - and in inspiration for others who are fighting
sickness or disease.

Here
is Dotty's story:

"When
I was 10 years old, I met my husband at a birthday party, and I never
dated anyone else," she says of her deceased husband, Frank. Ten
years later, the two were wed - on May 10, 1958, which was Dotty's
birthday.

On
March 6, 1959, Dotty and Frank gave birth to a son, Dominick.
Arriving three months early, Dominick weighed less than 3 pounds and
had to remain at Mount St. Mary's Hospital for two months.

The
Garas lived a quiet life in Niagara Falls for the next 20 years. But
in 1980, Dotty experienced the first of what would become a string of
major health problems. Remarkably, each occurrence was paired with
something wonderful.

"I
had lung cancer when I was 40," Dotty says. "I was told I had at
the most a year, year and a half to live. It was stage 4. So, they
operated; they took the (right) lung out. And I had chemo and I had
radiation. And I said to my husband, 'You know what? You're not
going to want to stay in this house when I die.' I said, 'I want
to sell it, and I want to travel.' He said, 'Why? Where do you
want to go?' I said, 'I want to go to Sicily, to see where my dad
was born.' 'I'll never go there,' he said. I says, 'OK.'

"So
we sold the house, moved into an apartment. I went back to work so I
didn't have to use any of the little bit that we cleared on the
house. While I was selling my house, a lady from across the street
came over. She said, 'Can I ask you why you're selling?' I
didn't tell her anything about my health. I said, 'Oh, I just
want to travel.' 'Oh,' she says, 'you and your husband?' I
said, 'No, he won't go where I want to go.' She said, 'Why?
Where do you want to go?' I said, 'Sicily. I've been dying to
go there!' From that day on, her and I, we did a lot of traveling
together.

"We
went over to Italy. We got down to get the boat to go over to Sicily.
(The Italians) went on strike. So I never got there. It's been on
my bucket list.

"So
(I) came back, and I had more chemo. And then I said to her, 'You
know, I'm a golfer. I would love to see St. Andrew's.' She
said, 'Where's that?' I said, 'Scotland.' (She said,) 'Oh,
that's right next door to Ireland. That's where my people are
from.' So we did Scotland and Ireland. (1981)

"And
while I was on the tour bus, a gentleman came up to me. He said, 'I
hear you're a golfer.' I said, 'Well, my definition of a golfer
is probably a lot different than yours.' He said, 'Well, what is
it?' I said, 'When the ball goes where I don't like it, I pick
it up and put it where I want it.' He said, 'Ooh, that'll work.
Be ready tomorrow at 7:30, we have a tee time at St. Andrew's.'

"I
golfed St. Andrew's. I couldn't believe it. (I) came back, and
then they told me that the cancer had spread to the shoulder. So, I
had to have part of the shoulder removed, and went under chemo and
cobalt again." (1983)

Dotty
also had a tumor on her thyroid, and could've lost her voice. So,
she took sign language classes.

"I
lost my job because of all this going on - the health problems,"
she says. "So, I said, 'I'll go to (Niagara County) Community
College and take some classes.' (1984)

"So
I went back to school, and then in January I said to (Frank), 'You
know, I don't think I'm going to die. We better find another
house.' So we did. We moved back to the City of Niagara Falls. And
in June, I had brain surgery with a stroke on my right side. (1985)

"I
said, 'Oh my god.' I says, 'I've got to be able to drive to
go to school; it's my last semester.' And Dr. Yu did the surgery.
He said, 'No, no, no. You no drive; no drive.' Well I did. I
drove and I graduated. And I started working with the Niagara Falls
Convention and Visitors Bureau. And I became the tourism and sales
manager there."

Having
survived the premature birth of their son, and Dotty's illnesses,
the Garas were seemingly in the clear.

"Well
then, 1996, November, I came home from work," Dotty continues. "I
went in the house. There was a note on the cupboard. It was from my
husband. He says, 'I'm real sorry that I've done this.' And I
thought, 'What's he talking about?' And I went in the basement,
I went upstairs - I looked all over for him."

She
called Frank's brother to see if he was with him.

"I
said, 'He left me a note. He's always joking around.' He said,
'Dotty, go look in the garage.' I said, 'No, I park in the
garage. He never parks there.' He says, 'Go look in the garage.'
Well, I went in, and there he was," Dotty recalls.

Her
husband, whom she says had more than $200,000 in gambling debts, had
committed suicide. Dotty was left with $85, and a hole in her life.

"So
I stayed in that house about three years," she says. "And I
wasn't eating in the kitchen because the garage was right next door
to the kitchen. I wasn't sleeping up in the bed. I said, 'You
know, this was the first beautiful house we ever owned. It's a
shame it's going to waste. Let someone else enjoy it.' So I sold
it, and I moved into an apartment down here in Lewiston, because I
did golf and my friends were down here. And I stayed in there about
eight months, and I said, 'Oh my god, I can't afford this. The
little bit that I cleared from selling the house, I'll use it up in
two years.'

"So
I started looking for a house. And I found this one I'm in right
now, on Ridge Street. It was empty for nine years. And come to find
out, the girl that owned it, her and her husband were good friends of
mine and my husband, and they knew what had happened to me and
everything."

Dotty
says she received a great price on the house. With the help of
friends and family, she quickly made it her home.

"My
husband was real well loved; he was a good guy - good personality,"
Dotty says. "And people that knew him, and were in any kind of
construction, they came to me. And the guy that did roofing, he said,
'Dotty, you need a new roof. When you can, just pay me for the
shingles.' And my nephew came and did the plumbing; he put a new
bathroom upstairs, a new furnace, air conditioning. Everybody just
took real good care of me.

"It's
been a house of love."

It's
also become a place for Dotty to showcase her gardening skills (which
she developed when she was unsure if she could continue her artwork).

"For
me, for therapy, I started planting flowers. I started gardening,"
Dotty says.

She
replaced weeds, put in a path, and planted all sorts of flowers and
vegetables.

The
big tree in Dotty's yard is a wisteria tree. When it bloomed in her
first spring as the homeowner, "I said, 'God, thank you, you're
sending me a message everything is going to be OK.' And God has
taken care of me right along," Dotty says.

Her
garden has become a well-known landmark in Lewiston, and the subject
of garden tour walks.

Today,
Dotty works at DiCamillo Bakery, with psychotherapist Dr. Michael
Caballero, as a tour guide for Mirage Tours, and alongside medical
students participating in a cancer awareness volunteer group at the
University at Buffalo.

"You
do what you gotta do," she says. "What are you going to do? It
wouldn't have done me any good (to quit). ... Sure I was
frightened. I was angry. I had all those emotions. But I had to put
them to work for me. That was it.

"Negative
things, yes they do happen, but I believe they happen for a reason:
for you to use whatever you have to turn them into positives. I
firmly believe that."

Dotty
decorates her house for the holidays and even creates the occasional
greeting card. Of course, she remains active in her garden
year-round.

"People
come by all the time telling me how beautiful it is, and how good
they feel," Dotty says. "I say, 'Well, your compliment just
made all my hard work worth it.' "

When
asked what message she would like to share with others, Dotty simply
says, "Life is precious.

"None
of us know how long we have. Therefore, I feel we should try not to
waste a minute. To do something that either makes us feel good (or)
someone else feel good. But don't waste a minute. Life is too
precious."