And if you have five seconds to spare, I'll tell you the story of my life...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

And because I got nuthin' today, I thought I'd share some more delightful spam. This determined little bugger actually landed in my inbox. It's apparently from Elsie Craft--which doesn't sound like a fake spam name at all, no way.

Subject: The theatrical movie business was on the rise for its third weekend in a row, thanks largely to Alice and audiences'Monday, March 29, 2010 5:38 PMFrom: "Elsie Craft"

Operations Centre. Emergency response teams were in place.Half a million homes remained without power across the Northeast and mid-Atlantic region on Sunday, as rain continued to pound states from West Virginia to Connecticut for a second day.officials to their counterparts in Pakistan."fantastic pressure" since losing about half of its top 20 people in the past year.

Seems to be a brief stream-of-consciousness writing exercise that starts with a report on "the theatrical movie business" and Alice In Wonderland and then, it just, sort of...goes off the rails a bit.

Overall it was an admirable effort, Elsie. And you tricked me into opening your weird gonzo spam, which--cheers, I guess.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

SPAM-A-LOTIf you've ever wondered what sort of emails Villarreal Creekmur composes in the dead of night, wonder no more. He (she?) was up at 3:45 crafting this eloquent spam email, just for me. It makes no fucking sense whatsoever, which (after being bombarded with thousands of ads for Viagra/Cialis/Dick N-larger pills) makes it the best kind of spam to get, if you're going to get spam.

Check out Villarreal. (S)he's got a lot to say:

Ed out nigh three hundred claims, and every one a blank; That's followed every fool stampede, and seen the rise and fall Of camps wheremen got gold in chunks and he got none at all; That's prospected a bitof ground and sold it for a song To see it yield a fortune to some foolthat came along;

That's sunk a dozen bed-rock holes, and not a speck in sight, Yet sees them take amillion from the claims to left and right?Now aren't things like that enough to drive a manto booze? But Hard-Luck Smith was hoodoo-proof--he knew the way to lose.'Twas in the fall of nineteen four--leap-yearI've heard them say-- When Hard-Luck came to Hunker Creek and took ahillside lay.And lo! as if to make amends for all the futile past, Late in the yearhe struck it rich,the real pay-streak at last. The riffles of his sluicing-box

were choked with speckled earth, And night and day he worked that layfor all that he was worth. And when in chill December's gloom his luckylease expired, He found that he had made a stake as big as he desired.One day while meditating on the waywardness

of fate, He felt the ache of lonely man to find a fitting mate;A petticoated pard to cheer his solitary life, A woman withsoft, soothing ways,a confidant, a wife. And while he cooked his supper on his little Yukonstove, He wished that he had staked a claim in Love's richtreasure-trove; When suddenly he paused and heldaloft a Yukon egg, Forthere in pencilled letters was the magic name of Peg. You know theseYukon eggs of ours--some pink, some green, some blue--A dollar per,

assorted tints, assorted

flavors too.

I suspect that this may be some kind of plaigarized song or poem but--deep down--I sincerely hope it's an original work. I would hate to think of Villareal Creekmur as dishonest.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Yet another YouTube clip fest today, but this one actually has a purpose. I had the pleasure of interviewing Juliette Danielle of The Room for Praxis, and she is more awesome than I could have imagined. If you haven't seen the cult phenomenon that is The Room, here is a quick primer. Then watch the following clips, cause they're hilarious. Then get thee to a midnight showing (see The Room's official website for a screening schedule). If it's not playing at a theater near you, the DVD is available on Amazon, and it comes with a Q&A with writer/director/producer/star Tommy Wiseau (giving one of his infamous WTF? interviews).

Here are some of my favorite scenes from "the Citizen Kane of bad movies."

"You think about everything!"

"Well maybe you should have a girl, Mark."

"A man like that! With a gun! My God!"

I love this scene because it makes no sense whatsoever. I'm not talking about the football thing, what puzzles me is Mark's "Underwear? What's that?" Huh?

Pizza and scotchka! "Don't worry about it. It's good for you."

And if you're still not convinced, here is an audience reaction montage. But don't take their word for it...experience The Room for yourself.