Can You Trust Your Mistress?

Pal, as far as hanging around your neighborhood gin mill goes, you’re allowed to do something like that once — just once. You spot a girl like Gina, she happens to look like Angelina Jolie’s younger sister, and all of a sudden you’re in trouble. All you’re going to do is go back there and look at her some more when you already have a great girlfriend, which was your first mistake. Let me tell you something: If you go back to that joint a second time when you’re so physically attracted to the bartender, you’re cheating on Shannon. See, girls? I’m not so bad after all!

grade “a” lady

Your second mistake was actually going out with Gina. First you’re ogling her, next you’re dating her. Didn’t it matter that you already had a girlfriend? Apparently not. And apparently it didn’t bother Gina at all. Hey, I have to hand it to you, North — she’s a classy broad. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “I see she’s got high standards straight out of the chute!” And by the way, you should have found out why she got rid of her boyfriend.

This red-hot bartender may have given you thousands of compliments, but your girlfriend’s got 18 months in with you. Gina doesn’t even have 18 hours in with you.

running interference

Now why the heck are you talking to a friend at your job about this total knockout? Don’t you know what a BLOCKER is, dude? You better go back to my book and look under “B.” Know what? Your friend was just trying to make a fool out of you. He was pushing you into an argument with Gina over nothing — and he succeeded in doing exactly that.

Of course you care if Gina’s seeing someone else — you brought it up, didn’t you? If you didn’t care you wouldn’t have made an issue of it in the first place. Who the heck are you kidding? It’s like when a woman says “I don’t care if a guy has money or not.” Then why did she mention it? Duh!

hospital boor

You want Gina to be “honest” with you? She doesn’t care if she steals a guy with a long-term steady girlfriend and you’re worried about honesty? That’s like trying to turn a tiger into a housecat or asking Hugh Hefner to stay away from 19-year-old women. You’re a funny guy, North.

Now, when this hospital situation came up and you were stood up, you had to take it for what it was. Gina wasn’t exactly held up by 30 other people in line at the post office while she was trying to buy stamps for her business correspondence. The point is this: She told you that her dear old dad was in the hospital. Her story is either true or it’s false, but we’re going to give her the benefit of the doubt. So let’s say it’s true; if her father was in the hospital having an emergency appendectomy, she didn’t have to call you. You were completely off base on this — Gina should be angry with you for being an insensitive boor.