Blog Posts

Depersonalisation and Escapism

I remember during my childhood and adolescent years I would spend a lot of time thinking, imagining and contemplating on fantasies, abstract concepts and deeper truths. I was and still am generally attracted to the weird, wonderful and thought-provoking elements of life. Often, I felt limited by cultural norms and societal norms because I felt it was all very superficial and lacking the richness in depth that I wanted. In addition to that, my childhood was not always pleasant for me. Therefore, in order to cope with any bitter truths in life I would detach from my surroundings and indulge in my imagination.

Watching movies, watching anime and listening to music, often aided in this
process of shutting down from my present circumstances. Ofcourse, back then I
was not doing this consciously but habitually. Nor was I aware of the negative
consequences of overly indulging in passive actions and thoughts.

Therefore, in this blog I want to discuss the problem of escapism into your
mind and dwelling in a world of your own fantasy; and how I got out of this
spiral myself.

Before I go into detail on this, I feel it is necessary to explain that I do
not regret my past at all. Furthermore, I am not suggesting that the
imagination is “bad”. I still love anime, sci-fi movies, creative
stuff and other crazy hippie stuff. Its just important to not indulge in it for
too long, to the point where you become reliant on this as the only way through
difficulty; since that would create an imbalance in your life.

When a person, creates a habit of disconnecting he or she becomes at risk of
attaining the personality disorder: “Depersonalisation disorder”.
Although, what I experienced may not fall directly into this category; I
thought I would elaborate on this since I think it may benefit a lot of people
out there who struggle with this. An episode of depersonalisation feels like
you are going through the day detached from yourself in a dream state of mind
but where you don’t feel in control. Generally I believe it is human nature to
desire more solitude, magic and wonder in our lives. Which is why we may often
want to retreat away from boredom or dullness. This desire to retreat needs to
be questioned though and understood more mindfully.

Somedays I would be so lost in my head that I felt that I wasn’t even
connected to my own body, rather I was merely observing myself trudge along the
day. As a result, it was difficult to form meaningful connections with others.
I appeared withdrawn and aloof as a result. I was largely misunderstood, and
looking back I knew that I wasn’t actively participating as much. I felt
invisible and isolated from myself at times, but I wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t
stop because I grew attached to my own world and this became all I knew.

Eventually it affected my overall physical health and mental health. Since
it would drain my energy away, make me feel lethargic and therefore contribute
to my earlier episodes of depression. It also made me too serious-minded, which
limited my ability to be naturally happy.

Eventually I had to ask myself: Why am I disatisfied? It became clearer to
me that I had too many ideals I was attached to, which contrasted from what
reality was. I could not accept the world for what it was. In my mind, I felt
like an alien on this planet and often felt alone because I thought I was too
different.

Eventually, when I let go of expectations I was more able to relate to
others. I am still learning now how to let myself be present with others since
I do enjoy being in my own world from time to time. However these days, I have
friends that accept this quality about me. I am also more self aware now and
can basically commit to daydreaming in moderation.

This all lead me to seek out knowledge, which then lead to the following
conclusion: If the life surrounding me is not as amazing or magical as my
imagination; then I must go out and create the “magic” I want to see.

Every morning when I would wake up, I was faced with a decision: do I choose to stay in my dreamworld, or do I choose to embrace life and be present? It takes a lot of will power to be able to enforce yourself to change. Some may not want to leave their dream-like fantasy worlds. I am not asking you to stop dreaming, what I am saying is, a dream kept as a dream, is a wasted dream. You were born here for a reason, and the world needs you to share your gifts, your querks and all your other beautiful attributes.

In my case, I decided to learn the violin because I was obsessed with movie
soundtracks. I would often listen to soundtracks of movies and just imagine my
life as a movie. Now when I play it I feel like I am making my real life closer
to my ideal movie-like life.

I also wanted to do these blogs and eventually create my own humanity
serving business to create the harmony that I long for. I essentially see the
purpose of my life as sharing and creating.

So as a rule of thumb. Make sure with whatever dream you have, write it down
and brainstorm ways to manifest it into reality. Then go after it and let your
heart and intuition guide you. Don’t be too rigid with your dream, remember
that the world operates with certain rules. You might need to compromise
elements of what you want at the start but then ensure you eventually reach the
ideal goal. Learn to enjoy the more simple parts of life so that it keeps you
grounded and patiently commited to your ultimate dream. Don’t be afraid to
share these thoughts with other people and listen to other people open up to
you. You could have the power to break boundaries in your relationships when
you authentically express yourself and allow others to share their deepest
truths.

I hope what I shared here, inspires you to translate your crazy dreams or
thoughts into innovative action. Be patient and be the change you want to see
in the world.