5 Questions, Episode 4

I don’t really remember when I met B____ d__ C_______; however, I think it’s entirely possible my first memories of her are arguments with her about my celibacy. Regardless, about two months ago her boyfriend, another fellow Holy Cross alum, came up to visit and I spent a day with the both of them. During that time we discussed important things like how being considered a good conversationalist usually revolves around listening and asking the right questions that get the speaker to keep talking—that is, not really doing much talking yourself. And they are great conversationalists. I thoroughly enjoyed that day because I got to make them laugh all day. My adoration for their combined powers aside, we chatted about how great her mom’s legs are, how Holy Cross won’t give up its Jesuit identity to join the Ivy League and the difference between “player” and “douche.”

B: Hi, D_____.
Chris: [laughs] You’ll be fine if you just pretend it’s not there. Promise. So who’s your favorite Sesame Street character?
B: I really like Grover because he doesn’t use contractions.
Chris: [laughs, amazed by the reasoning] That’s really it?
B: He’s also very affectionate.
Chris: He likes being scratched on the tummy.
B: Yeah. I also like that book—The Monster at the End of this Book—because he didn’t realize it was him.
Chris: Oh my. It was sort of a surprise ending.
B: For him. For him.
Chris. Oh my, I don’t know if that’s entirely that good, though.
B: Is that a bad answer?
Chris: That sounds scary. No, no, that’s not a bad answer. It’s just…
B: [laughs]
Chris: …it sounds scary for him.
B: It was really scary for him.
Chris: Did he recover?
B: He was scared during the entire book, like “Did you read the title? There’s a monster at the end of the book!”
Chris: Oh, Grover.
B: Then he realizes, “Oh! It’s me! I’m the monster!”
Chris: So then everything turned out okay?
B: Yeah, it turned out okay.
Chris: Oh, okay. I was worried he had self-esteem issues until the last page.
B: No, he realized it was just him and it was fine.
Chris: Well, that’s good.
B: Yeah.
Chris: Do you have a favorite band?
B: Yes. This is kind of a cliché answer. Oh God. Ugh. I really like Led Zeppelin.
Chris: No one’s said that yet.
B: Is it okay I said that? No one’s said that yet?
Chris: That’s my favorite band, actually. So good.
B: That’s my favorite band. I’ll go through all these phases like, “Oh man, The Bravery. They really feel me.” Or “Oh man…some other band that’s current right now.”
Chris: “I’m super into Weezy right now but…aww, no.”
B: “Oh man, Justin Beiber band…”
Chris: [guffaws]
B: No? Okay. It all just comes back to Led Zeppelin and I think that’s just beautiful.
Chris: Most music does, though.
B: I get tired of music so much, but I can’t get tired of them.
Chris: Yeah—sometimes there’ll be a phase where you’ll move away from them but you’ll always come back.
B: You always come back.
Chris: [Sighs] So much talent.
B: Mmmm.
Chris: So what’s your favorite album, then?
B: II.
Chris: Gaaa, I always have a hard time choosing between II or IV.
B: Me too! II or IV. I like the concept of IV—you know, no name, no title, just some symbols.
Chris: Ugh, classic.
B: But the thing is; II has “What is and What Should Never be,” II has “Heartbreaker.” So it’s like…can you really…
Chris: “Moby Dick.”
B: Yeah.
Chris: Classic. [groaning noises to indicate level of awesome]
B: [similar groaning noises to indicate matched level of appreciation]
Chris: Well, we should move on. We’re getting too excited. What’s your favorite movie?
B: Let me think. I also go through phases with movies. I can’t say I have one favorite movie.
Chris: Could you maybe do a Top Three or a Top Five?
B: Yeah. I’ll give you a Top Three. Um…
Chris: Cinderella. Right?
B: No. No, there’s nothing animated.
Chris: [laughs]
B: Can a trilogy count as one?
Chris: I’ll let it happen this time.
B: Okay. The Lord of the RingsTrilogy.
Chris: It’s just a nine hour movie. You don’t have the whole story if you don’t have the whole thing.
B: You don’t. And also, if you watch the extended editions, which I definitely…
Chris: Did you?
B: …don’t own—I mean, I do—it’s more like 14 hours.
Chris: [laughs] Wait, how many times have you lost 14 hours of your life to that movie?
B: [laughs anxiously] So many.
Chris: [laughs] Oh my god.
B: I don’t know. Okay, I was a huge loser in high school [excellent transition to]…uh, Heathers…and I would say Mean Girls because I quote it a lot—I quote it a lot. But I don’t know if I would say it’s my favorite movie. I could always watch it, but…
Chris: Well, because you have a wide-set…[laughs]
B: [laughs] It’s not my fault …
[Laughter, regain their composure.]
B: But I might say, Everything is Illuminated.
Chris: Everything is…Ohhh, with, um…
B: With Elijah Wood.
Chris: ….is it Safran Foer who wrote that book?
B: Yeah.
Chris: I was surprised there was a huge shift in that movie:
B: Yeah, I was really surprised.
Chris: very funny and very, very sad in the end. Whew. Emotional rollercoaster.
B: That might have been one of the only times I liked the movie more than I liked the book.
Chris: Oh, really?
B: Yeah.
Chris: Because I haven’t read the book.
B: I’ll bring it in some time…to…here.
Chris: To here?
B: The city.
Chris: I want to go to there.
B: I have it in Connecticut. I want to go to there. I spent the entire morning watching 30 Rock reruns in bed, by the way. I was like, “Well, no brunch plans. I’ve got until 1:30.”
Chris: [laughs] Then you saw the one from Thursday [Season 4, Episode 14, “Future Husband”], right?
B: I haven’t finished it yet.
Chris: When she was like, “He could wear a thumb ring.” [gestures to his left thumb] “Whoops…”
B: [guffaws] I was thinking that. I was thinking that.
Chris: It felt so weird. I was like, “Come on, what’s terrible about that?”
B: [laughs] “Cool Runnings, man.” I loved—I loved it—, “Bobsled.”
Chris: When the lady in the office actually said it, I was like, “C’mon. I work with so many Jamaicans—no one ever says, ‘bobsled.’ You’re killing me.”
B: They’re not real Jamaicans.
Chris: And real Jamaicans just wanna ride bobsleds all the time and fix teeth?
[Extensive laughter, cool down lap.]
Chris: Is there anything you love unconditionally? [quietly] 30 Rock?
B: My dogs.
Chris: How many?
B: Just two.
Chris: And they’re both in Connecticut, right?
B: Yeah, they’re both in Connecticut. And my little sister.
Chris: Unconditionally?
B: Unconditionally. She pisses me off so much, but I kind of have to. I feel like moms are a given, so I’m not going to say that.
Chris: Oh yeah, that’s come up…
B: I’m not even going to say that. I’m not going to say my mom.
Chris: Great thighs or not.
B: Or Jesus. Those are just a given. [laughs] Great thighs or not. No, my little sister…and the city of London.
Chris: You did spend quite a bit of time there.
B: Fun times. [Pauses. Mutual friend and fellow Holy Cross alum] K___ R_____ is moving to London.
Chris: What is she going to be doing there?
B: She’s working for Reuters for a year, apparently.
Chris: Really? [thinking of his resume, how he’s interviewing someone in his spare time, perplexed she got this job] Does she…do…journalism…stuff?
B: I know she went to UMass for [her masters in] Environmental Studies, right?
Chris: That sounds about right. [It is.] It’s weird…weird.
B: I don’t know. I just hear these things and just tell them to you.
Chris: Just get jealous about…[how she’s in journalism without any experience I can think of]
B: …how she gets to go to London. I just wanna send her an email like, “Bitch, here are places you need to go.
Chris: [finding the word, “bitch,” humorous in this context, laughs] “Watcha back because I’mma show up and leave you dead in a trash can.” [Neither a real threat nor realistic.]
B: I…nope! That’s just you. That’s just you. [laughs]
Chris: [laughs] Okay, good. Alright then, what’s your favorite thing about New York?
B: Is that a real question?
Chris: That is a real question. I made a terrible transition but that is one of the questions.
B: Okay. I like that the subway’s open 24 hours.
Chris: Very convenient.
B: In London, it closes at 12:30 or 1, but bars and stuff stayed open. There were 24-hour buses and usually, I’d be taking the bus home anyway because one of the stops was in front of my house.
Chris: I think the subways in Boston close at like 2.
B: No, they close at 12:30 or 1 or something like that. Which means the bars close at 2. Which I think is silly, you know? In London, sometimes you could just wait and keep on going out until the tube reopened and just get back on and go home. You can’t do that in some other places. And I like that the Met is suggested pay.
Chris: Oh, yeah.
B: I like that a lot.
Chris: I tend to just pay $10.
B: Really? Because I do a dollar.
Chris: You do a dollar? I already have enough of a hard time paying $10.
B: Don’t. No. That’s…that’s silly.
Chris: That was even when I wasn’t even a student. Now I have a student card…
B: I have a student ID, too, I just throw a dollar. I’m like, “Here. Five. Give me five tickets.”
Chris: [laughs] You throw a dollar at them?
B: “Here’s 50 cents. Me and the rest of this line.” They get so much funding. They have ridiculous paychecks. The Met does not need our money.
Chris: I was even thinking about becoming a member.
B: You could if you want to, but there’s nothing…well, it’s cool because you get invited to other things.
Chris: And then you get free entrances.
B: Free entrances you could just pay a cent for.
Chris: But I didn’t have that information about how much they’re getting paid up until the last couple of seconds, so…I always felt bad if I didn’t pay at least $10.
B: Think about it this way: a lot of the tourists don’t know that either; they almost always pay the suggested price.
Chris: $20.
B: And the Met is New York’s most popular…
Chris: Museum?
B: No.
Chris: Tourist Destination?
B: Tourist Destination. So if you think about how many people who visit the Met, they don’t really need the resident’s money.
Chris: I guess you’re right. I already pay enough taxes.
B: Exactly. I mean, the Victoria and Albert Museum was like ten minutes from my house. I used to just go there—all museums are free—
Chris: Yeah, my sister told me about that.
B: I would just go there and hang out. Whenever I was bored or when I was sad I would just go and see my friends: the paintings.
Chris: [laughs] “See my friends: the paintings.”
B: The spoons. But here…
Chris: “Hey guys, how ya been since last week? What’s Up?”
B: If I wanna go to the Frick and say “What Up?” to my favorite Constable, I have to pay $5 to do so. That’s stupid. That’s why I love the Met.
Chris: One of the other things I love about the Met is how ridiculously large it is. I’ve lost entire days and not even seen an entire wing…
B: Have you ever been into Visible Storage?
Chris: [searching his memory…] Yes, actually.
B: Isn’t it the best place ever?
Chris: Oh my god.
B: You know how the American Wing is closed for renovation?
Chris: Yep.
B: My friends and I were trying to find the American Wing, realized it was closed, so we decided to just go to Visible Storage, see some cool paintings. Guess who was there without her frame? John Singer Sargent’s Madame X.
Chris: Really?
B: We sat in front of it for like an hour, just crying. Crying.
Chris: [laughs]
B: Usually it’s so high up, you can’t get too close to it. We were like this close to Madame [motions no more than two inches with both hands]…Oh my god it was beautiful. There was only a piece of plexiglass separating us.
Chris: [still laughing] Highlight of the year, then.
B: Highlight of my life. I guess until I get married or have kids, but right now, that’s it.
Chris: Top Ten. Top Two. Top One.
B: Top One. For now.
Chris: What am I talking about? Well, I guess that’s about it…