Escaping the Cyber-Slums

Online dangers and practical responses.

Like most public libraries in the United States, the Central Phoenix Library provides adults and children with Internet access. When Toni Garvey, the chief librarian, recently spotted three separate men and a group of giggling girls viewing pornographic material on the library's terminals, she had no idea how to respond. She says she feels uncomfortable providing such material for the public, but so far Federal courts across the country have ruled that banning the Internet from public institutions or even filtering its contents "offends the guarantee of free speech" and "restricts First Amendment rights." Garvey complains, "For me, this has been one of the most challenging issues of my career. We all want to do the right thing, but it's not clear what the right thing is." 1

Garvey, like most people of conscience, is morally confounded by the technology that links together nearly half a billion people in a "Worldwide Web" -- a global village -- allowing instant, anonymous exchange of uncensored text and images. Anyone in this virtual-metropolis can put anything online, and once it is there anyone can access it.

The Seedier Side of Cyberspace

Like any metropolis, the web has neighborhoods, some safer and some horrific. Unlike any other metropolis, the web lacks a government, laws, or a police force. The only universally acknowledged cyber-crime is the intentional spreading of computer viruses -- infectious software programs that could impair the experience of other cyber-tourists. Beyond this, there are no moral guidelines. A turn down the wrong cyber-street guarantees exposure to information or images at least as corrosive as anything available in the streets of New York, Paris, or Tokyo -- and often even worse.

Close to 60%of American teens have received an instant message or email from a total stranger. 63% of those teens responded but never told their parents.

For example, the web hosts thousands of pornographic sites -- offering material that is as explicit and generally more violent than what is found in print publications 2 -- and these sites are heavily trafficked. In response to academic surveys, 25-50% of men with Internet access admit spending time online viewing explicit material. 3 While most visitors to pornographic sites are married college graduates 4, a Canadian survey reveals that 44% of men who visit these sites admit that they began doing so before age 16. 5 A British survey reported that over half of all word searches on the Internet are aimed at locating pornography. The top eight word searches were all pornography related. 6 Although much of the explicit material available online is free, through fee-per-view services and advertisements the online pornography industry currently generates about $1 billion annually. 7

Researchers explain that it is the web's "Triple-A Engine" -- access, affordability, and anonymity -- that drives the online pornography industry: 8

While men outnumber women 6:1 in their online use of explicit material, women slightly outnumber men when it comes to the "Chat Room" and "Multi-User Domain" (or MUD) 9 -- the cyberspace equivalent of a singles bar. Studies reveal that about 90% of Chat and MUD users form personal relationships; about one-third of these relationships result in a face-to-face meeting; and about a quarter of these relationships evolve into romantic involvements. 10

A large study of American teens just revealed that close to 60% have received an instant message or email from a total stranger, and 63% of those teens who have received such instant messages or emails say they responded but never told their parents. 11 In the last three years there have been several infamous cases of abduction, rape and murder in which the victim was first approached and lured through a Chat or MUD site, instant messaging, or emails. There are, no doubt, many more cases in which Chat, MUD, instant messaging, or email interactions led to psychologically destructive relationships. These are the harsh realities of cyber-street life.

The nature of human psychology is that over-indulgence in one pleasure creates a desire for another, more depraved pleasure, and so forth in a potentially unending downward spiral towards total degradation. In a nightmarish scenario, an upstanding gentleman could thus wake up to find himself on one of the web's many sites explicitly dedicated to facilitating illicit activity. Thousands of sites offer 24/7 online gambling, and researchers say upwards of 15 million people visit these sites annually and leave several billion dollars of their family's funds there. 12 Researchers also report that escorts and prostitutes in most major cities can now be reserved online. There are even special sites for those seeking extramarital affairs and other, more bizarre liaisons.

A Glimpse at the Damage: An Academic Perspective

Recent surveys identify a burgeoning trend of Internet-related divorces. 13 In most of these tragedies, visits to explicit sites, or extramarital relationships forged over the web, destroyed mutual trust and ripped the marriage apart. Sadly, I have seen first-hand in my counseling practice that the Jewish community is not immune to this plague.

In a landmark study, published in American Psychologist, researchers from Carnegie Mellon University examined the amount of time people spent interacting with other family members before and after installation of a computer with Internet access. During the two-year longitudinal study, family interaction declined dramatically, and the drop was directly proportional to the increase in Internet use. Ironically, many study participants justified their increasing time online saying they needed to "stay in touch" with more distant friends and relatives, while they increasingly ignored those they were living with. 14 I hear complaints weekly from spouses, parents, and especially children who feel the Internet has robbed them of their loved-ones.

As Internet involvement increases, so do loneliness and depression -- especially among middle and upper class males. 15 There are many theories about the relationship between Internet use and depression. For example, some researchers argue that productive people have only limited time to develop and maintain their most significant relationships, and moderate-to-heavy Internet use necessarily siphons hours off this precious reservoir, leaving people socially isolated and sad. Other researchers remind us that the mere act of sitting still in front of a computer display can trigger a biochemical chain-reaction that ends in depression. 16

A whole genre of studies describes the damage Internet involvement can wreak on academic performance. Although many parents help their children get online in order to bolster grades, research reveals that more time spent online translates into less time spent reading books and worse study skills. 17 The Internet cultivates impulsive jumping from web page to web page, but real learning requires still concentration. At a large New York university, the dropout rate among freshman rose proportionally as their investment in computers and Internet access increased. 18 Business analysts also note associations between employee Internet access and decreased productivity. 19

The Necessity of Identifying Risk Factors

It is clear that there is a need to protect one's children from the distractions and corrosive elements of the net. Limitations to Internet access, the use of filtering software and pre-filtered Internet providers, placement of computers in highly visible areas of one's home are all good ideas.

What is needed is healing the personality weaknesses that virtually guarantee some individuals will fall victim to Internet temptations.

Ultimately, restricting Internet access is a necessary but insufficient solution. But what is needed is healing the personality weaknesses that virtually guarantee some individuals will fall victim to Internet temptations. Studies show that those most likely to get into trouble are not deterred by limits on Internet access. Given the net's ubiquitous presence, they will find a way to get online -- at the local public library, if not elsewhere. Therefore, a key challenge to parents and educators is identifying the risk factors and the individuals most at risk.

Researchers describe four pre-existing conditions that put an individual at high risk for getting into trouble on the Internet. 20 They are: lack of family bonds; low self-esteem; inability to express opinions and questions; and inability to socialize.

1. Lack of Family Bonds

Both for adults and children, the most statistically significant risk factor for Internet use is weak familial connections.

The data indicate that adults are at risk when they are unmarried or emotionally distant from their spouse. Anything we do to strengthen our marriages --from spending more time together as husbands and wives, to taking courses in the practice and philosophy of marriage -- makes us less vulnerable to the Internet.

The data also indicate that children are at risk when they are physically separated or emotionally distant from their parents. Anything we do to strengthen our relationships with our children -- from spending more one-on-one time with them, to taking courses in the practice and philosophy of parenting -- makes them less vulnerable to the Internet.

For centuries, rabbis have been teaching that children need parental love, and that when parents are not present to provide it, the children will find dangerous replacements elsewhere. 21 Therapists steeped in Jewish tradition were therefore not shocked when the director of computer-addiction services at McLean Hospital of Harvard Medical School, Maressa Hecht Orzack, recently revealed her finding that the children most vulnerable to the Internet 's magnetic pull are "from families where nobody is at home to relate to after school." Greeting our children when they arrive home from school, being there to send them off again in the morning, and spending quality time with them in between all constitute inoculations against the Internet.

2. Low Self-Esteem

If we think we are apes, we will behave as such; and if we know we are more exalted than the angels, we will live up to that reality.

Architects of the European Enlightenment attempted (and to a large degree succeeded) in persuading the masses that man was nothing more than a sophisticated monkey. When Rabbi Nosson Tzvi Finkel was preparing to found the now legendary yeshiva in Slobodka, he asked his teacher, Rabbi Israel Salanter, what principle should guide the institution. Rabbi Salanter, acutely aware of the degrading campaign being conducted all around him, answered with a verse from Isaiah, "Revive the spirit of the lowly and resuscitate the heart of those who have been crushed." 22 If we think we are apes, we will behave as such; and if we know we are more exalted than the angels, we will live up to that reality.

We are not surprised that study after study reveals that those who are most attracted to the most degraded Internet sites also have the lowest self-esteem. 23

Today's parents and teachers who have experimented with Isaiah's ancient approach -- teaching about the essential greatness of being human -- have experienced tremendous success. We can teach this not only through what we say, but through how we say it, and how we walk, eat, and dress. Every fiber of our existence can declare, "I am a mensch -- and so are you!" We must also be careful not to degrade others even when we need to rebuke them. Perhaps never before have we had so much to lose should we abandon the teachings of our forebears.

3. Inability to Express Opinions and Questions

Because of its perceived anonymity, the world of the web offers adults and children alike a place to say and ask what they feel they cannot say and ask in the real world. The less people feel they can discuss with their teachers and parents, the more likely they are to turn to the Internet for discussion and information. 24

We especially want our children and our adult students to ask us their questions regarding sexual matters and theological issues.

We especially want our children and our adult students to ask us their questions regarding sexual matters and theological issues. We want our children and students to hear about these matters directly and exclusively from us, not only because the Internet offers such corrupt presentations of these topics, but also because these areas constitute the most precious aspects of our nation's tradition. It is a tremendous privilege to pass along these special gifts to the next generation.

We must be sober enough to realize that today almost all children and many adults have questions on these topics. If they are not asking us, they are either getting answers elsewhere or looking for an opportunity to do so. If a child doesn't ask, we read in the Passover Haggadah, "You must stimulate his question." We must encourage our children and our adult students to inquire, and then we must give them suitable answers. If we do not know how to approach these topics or respond to our children's questions, we can approach our own teachers and counselors, master these aspects of our tradition, and then pass these teachings on to the next generation.

4. Inability to Socialize

Data indicate that many who turn to the Internet for pornography or social contact do so because they consistently fail to succeed socially in their own world. 25 These individuals generally fall into one of two categories: the socially inept; and the "not-so-beautiful."

First, there are the socially inept. These are individuals who never mastered how to get along with others. When they were young, they often studied straight through recess or preferred playing computer games or doing other solitary activities. In some cases, they wanted to play with everyone else but were excluded. In their pre-teens or even earlier, these children were joining the ranks of the "at-risk" for later Internet involvement.

Their cases highlight the crucial educational potential of recess time. The playground and after-school free play are not only the perfect venues for teaching less popular children how to make friends, share, and lose with a smile; they are also ideal opportunities to teach more popular children how to pick teams using randomizing procedures (instead of choosing just their friends), introduce new members to their clique, and encourage those who are less socially confident. Just as the classroom is ideal for teaching math and science, the playground is ideal for teaching character refinement. It would be odd if we left either of these venues unsupervised. Those teachers and parents who invest time in supervising free play are taking a vital step in inoculating the next generation against the dangers of the Internet.

The second group who fail socially and are therefore at risk for Internet use are those not considered "beautiful" -- they lack the physical attractiveness or money that would give them a fighting chance in many social circles. Despite being thoughtful, deep people with nice character, these men and women usually have suffered repeated social rejection.

Men in this category are sometimes attracted to Internet pornography because it gives them a brief -- albeit depraved -- opportunity to leave their painful, lonesome reality. Loneliness can be excruciating, and these men are so desperate to escape their solitary lives that they use the Internet like a sort of hallucinogenic drug. After the fantasy, return to reality is even more painful, and then these men often feel terribly guilty too; but until they find real companionship, they are likely to return to the net again and again.

Women who lack physical attractiveness or money are sometimes attracted to the Internet because the medium conceals their "appearance." While mainstream dating requires that people first reveal their physical profile or wealth, and only then get to know each other, the virtual world of the web seems to offer the opportunity first to get to know someone and only afterward discover these less intrinsic details. In theory, this should tip the scales in favor of nice-but-ordinary-looking, or nice-but-poor women.

The assumption is dangerously na?ve, however, since so many Internet relationships are built on deception and misrepresentation. Children pretend to be adults, adults pretend to be children, men pretend to be women and vice-versa, and people lie about their religion, background and accomplishments. In one survey, more than a quarter of those who socialized using email or instant messaging admitted to lying about their identity. 26 Not surprisingly, disappointment and heartbreak are commonplace in Internet romance. This is not to mention those beastly predators who go online specifically to lure unsuspecting individuals to personal meetings and then victimize them.

We can teach our children about the cyber-street and about the hucksters and criminals who live there. This could lessen the Internet 's attractiveness as a forum for meeting friends and partners. An even more significant step in reducing our children's vulnerability would be to teach children and students to value personal refinement and integrity at least as much as they value physical appearance or money.

The challenges and threats posed by the Internet leaves us no option but to strengthen family ties and teacher-student relationships; to stress in our educational approach and behavior the essential greatness of being human; to encourage questions and open discussion, especially about issues related to sexuality and religion; and to raise a generation who will seek marriage partners who are above all emblems of refinement and integrity. Parents and teachers who recognize these challenges can adjust to modernity and raise a heroic generation. Those who fail to see this hairpin turn in the path towards normalcy could lead their children and students over a disastrous precipice.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 29

(28)
Tzipora,
November 2, 2009 9:07 AM

This issue is huge! It's not just about public access at libraries, because that is just a symptom of the problem, but about a fundamental issue in society. We have to ask ourselves what steps we are taking to protect ourselves and our families from potential harm.

(27)
name,
August 21, 2009 9:34 PM

Why is the internet always seen as a negative thing????

(26)
Anonymous,
August 20, 2009 11:28 AM

Browser Controls

This is only a problem because libraries have not thought enough abut possible misuse and how to get around the nefarious souls. Throwing one's hands in the air and being aghast never protected anyone.
Here is your fix:
The libraries need to use the parental control settngs, that operating systems and browsers come with and they need to instiitute a policy that anyone caught browsing porn is banned from the library. http://www.wikihow.com/Restrict-Web-Browsing-Using-Internet-Explorer
Simple.
Of course then you would need to check anyone who enters has a library card.

(25)
Anonymous,
August 19, 2009 3:17 PM

WHO CARES?

I think if people cared enough, they can figure out how to solve this--but more people have to care, because this cannot be done with only a few earnest and hard-working people. We all need to come together and help.

(24)
shayna,
August 19, 2009 3:16 PM

what about schools?

Are there internet filters on the computers in public schools? If so, why can't there be any in the public libraries? Aren't they all created by and supported by the same entity? Why can one institution decide what to show and what not to show its people and the other one cannot? Children and adults are both in the schools and in the libraries. I suppose people can get upset and scream "Free speech!" and demand pornography for our young students in public schools if fiilters are on the school computers.

(23)
ella,
August 19, 2009 3:10 PM

WHAT?

I didn't know the U.S. public library system was in the business of sharing pornography with the public. Since when does a library need to give people porn? Is that why these libraries were created? I know that's not what I go to a library to get.

(22)
Anonymous,
August 19, 2009 3:07 PM

go someplace else

The people demanding this from the library should just go someplace else, namely to their own computers or to places that sell this junk. (Better yet, they should go to their spiritual advisor or psychiatrist.) Who would have thought to go to a library to get porn or to be upset if they won't have it there? This is nuts.

(21)
Anonymous,
August 19, 2009 3:04 PM

free speech?

So where are all the protestors demanding that the libraries stock their shelves with pornographic books and magazines and videos? Aren't the libraries not allowing free speech by filtering out this smut from their collections? What's the difference if they do it with their computers? Just because a product or service exists in the world does not mean that it has to be a public library that has to provide it. So what if the internet offers pronography readily to anyone who wants it? Why can't a library choose what it gives to its patrons? I cannot believe people cannot do something about this!

(20)
temi,
August 19, 2009 2:57 PM

filters

Maybe internet filters and their companies should become more available and readily used and acknowledged as a real choice, and then libraries can say that they are legitimately choosing to run their computers through one of these agencies, because they provide the type of material they want to give to their patrons. They choose what books to provide, why can't they choose what computer program to provide?

(19)
holly,
August 19, 2009 2:53 PM

nothing else

People do this because they have nothing else. They do not know that there are a lot of things that are better to look at and to do. They are empty. I don't care how old they are, how educated, or how much good they may do, they are seriously lacking in knowledge and truth. They do not know who thye are or who they could be. Why? Why don't people have any idea what life is really about, what they are really about? It's very sad.

(18)
Inspired American,
August 19, 2009 4:19 AM

Reb Leib; You did it again! Incredible, and Helpful!

Once again, you pack in practical advice in addition to all our informative content. It's a true pleasure seeing a Master at work. Much thanks...

(17)
Anonymous,
August 18, 2009 7:16 AM

The point...

Amazing article. Very clear and thorough. So sad that it had to be written. But extremely important. I didn't read all the comments, but it looks like some are missing the point. It's important to be educated so that you don't "fall into the trap" since once you are exposed to something, you are curious for more, and then it continues (down). Some commented "it's your choice", "you don't have to go there", but the point is - there was another article on the website that spoke about this -- that he was exposed by mistake to porn and needed to keep seeing it until....it was almost too late. But if perhaps you educated, you'll work on yourself not to go , or you'll be more aware about how lenient or not to be with your children or those under you care, or home, (ie. babysitter), etc.
Keep up the excellent work.

(16)
Tzvi,
August 17, 2009 5:02 PM

great article

This was an excellent article. My one sugestion is he needs tp rethink his subtle put downs of apes. They were created by Hashem and are frequently gentle and loving. They need our protection for Human wars, the bushmeat trade and encroachment on their land are rapidlly nearing them to extinction and we will lose another of the glorious creations .of our creator.

(15)
tracy,
August 17, 2009 2:35 PM

no kidding

one could also say the same for television. sad, but true. as with anything, moderation is the key (at elast when it comes to computer use.) as for the pornography and other related uses that hurt families, for some, it wouldn't matter whether they had a computer or not. improper relationships would still end up happening. it's a sad fact, but it's not like this is anything new. similar things were said at the advent of movies, television, cable, then pay-per-view. we'll have problems with whatever the next new & awesome technology is that has a sole purpose of entertaining and allows us to escape reality and not deal with the day-to-day problems of life.

(14)
,
August 16, 2009 7:33 PM

There is an amazing site named guardyoureyes.org which is saving lives every day from this illness.Spread the word!

(13)
Jay S,
August 16, 2009 4:31 PM

The internet is a crazy place. With all of the trash out there, safety HAS TO START from good parenting. If parents teach their children what is right and wrong, it will at least have some kind of good effect on what they do. Of course it can't prevent all bad things, cause kids will be kids... but good parenting is the answer... and it also happens to be what is lacking in society today the most!

(12)
Anonymous,
July 25, 2009 11:18 PM

"Like any metropolis, the web has neighborhoods, some safer and some horrific. Unlike any other metropolis, the web lacks a government, laws, or a police force."
Well yes, but it is the individual's choice of where they go. There's no chance of being robbed/raped/assaulted/murdered on the internet.

(11)
Regina,
November 29, 2006 4:31 PM

Very helpful articles

Both this one and the one about TV abuse. Certainly encourages one to be a better parent and think ahead of how best to spend family time.

(10)
Anonymous,
February 8, 2004 12:00 AM

Another reason internet use causes additction

I would like to offer another reason using the net too often leads to depression. I think it's because internet use is addictive to the point that that's it's all one thinks about (is being on the net), just like other addictions. A person might neglect other responsibilities, and even the work they do for their livlihood, in order to go on the net and therein is the cause of the depression.

(9)
Yisroel Rabinowitz,
January 27, 2004 12:00 AM

why is it stupid?

A comment on comment #8: What is wrong with that line? Isn't it true? Kudos to Rabbi Keleman again for writing an amazing article.

(8)
Anonymous,
January 20, 2004 12:00 AM

Excellent article with advice for parents &teachers

Found useful advice for my children and students in strenghthening them against problem internet sites.

(7)
Anonymous,
January 20, 2004 12:00 AM

Irony

Need I point out the irony of this article appearing on the internet? If I have an odd hour to "surf", I use it to read Aish or Torah.org.

PS: 44% of college graduates visited porn sites before they were 16? They must be VERY recent college graduates, as WWW was only introduced in 1993.

(6)
Lynn,
January 19, 2004 12:00 AM

I love your articles

I always love reading through the emails I receive from you. The bottom line is, I trust your teachings. I have learned much from you, and wanted to say thank you!

(5)
Anonymous,
January 19, 2004 12:00 AM

Important article (comment on NYC)

L. Kelemen's article focuses on important matters. However, be reminded that the "streets" of my hometown, New York City, also offer children and adults wonderful cultural, educational and spiritual gathering places and opportunities. "City" need not be synonymous with "sin."

(4)
Anonymous,
January 19, 2004 12:00 AM

Greed vs Human Value

I too work at a public library and this is and has been a big issue. We have tried all types of ways to monitor computer use and it is a problem. Filters do not work nor do most public libraries or our legal system have the time or money to constantly upgrade and monitering computer use. The industry should have a moral obligation towards this but no one knows what morals are anymore. We let go of the standards our G-D gave us.
I can constantly see flashes and full view of things that portray a human being as a material object. Men and women come in and view human beings as objects.Our heroes and idols even animation has crossed this line. children and youth surf through ads and popups to get to game and chat sites and are constantly being exposed to border line images. Then there are those on the "date" sites. I have in my view watched patrons view people as they view items in a catalogue. This is sad and touches my heart deeply. Some days are worse than others and I have gone home in constant prayer. My emotions range from anger to compassion. For alot of people this is an addiction and we are the supplier. People will sit for hours if we let them. Our computers for the most part are not being used for education or research or viable communication. Ninety percent is for entertainment. We have reduced ourselves to a commodity that only has momentary value.We only have a short time on this earth yet we can spend hours mesmerized by the pied piper internet. Patrons fight over thier turn,who was first and growl when you try to pull them away. My staff some days wonder do we work at a Public Library or the entertainment and arcade center.
It is hard to try to blame the parents now. I as a parent have tried to teach values and monitor what they see and do. Our children are overwhelmed by what is out there. I also notice the adults have taken the bait to the sites and sounds and followed it's path. We let something in before we realized what was happening. There were no standards raised and the ones that were out there got trampled on in our homes and schools. We do need to pray and seek our G-D. He is very aware of what is going on and how it is effecting our children and as the prophets cried and prayed to him in times of bondage we must do the same.

(3)
Tracey Simon,
January 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Internet and Pornography

I, too, work in a library, and yes, we've had one or two patrons who like to look at distinctly pornographic sites. Without treading on the First Admendment rights, we remind these people that in New York State, it is against the law to place offensive material in the view of the public. I understand this law came about around the time that appliance stores starting putting TVs in the windows to attract customers. Because our internet stations are not in direct public view and because these souls would rather not find themselves arrested, we've had no problem. The Federal Government has pushed and passed CIPA, the so-called Children's Internet Protection Act, which in essense calls for all internet stations in public institutions be filtered or else the institutions will lose their E-rates. If this were to just protect children, it should have called for filtering only those internets that children have access to. But no. To get the e-rate, I would have to filter the internet station in my private office as well! It's totally political and totally ridiculous. Why?

I won't go into the difficulties about disengaging filters at a patron's request (which the law says we can do), but I will go as far to say that FILTERS DO NOT WORK. As pointed out in the article, searches are done by words. Filters do not recognize images. Therefore, you could have the holiest text on your website accompanied by pornographic pictures and someone would stumble upon it because the text might not contain words recognized by the filters to be offensive. On the other hand, should the word "breast" or "oral" show up in a complete harmless site, one would not be able to access it.

I have also been in the odd situation of seeing a patron looking at something that I thought might be pornography which turned out to be his hometown's paper. In other countries, scantily dressed young women are often used on the front pages to attract attention. Look at British tabloids or some South American tabloids.

Yes, we need more human connection. We need to reach out to each other. It is our own fault --not only the Internet's -- for not offering human contact and we must remedy this.

The big irony? I'm studying Judiasm through Aish and I'm writing to you about this article and I'm doing it through the Internet!!!

(2)
Anonymous,
January 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Outstanding insight

While I'd rather you not publish this for the same reasons your article discusses, in taking that chance, I'd like to say how important I find your analogy to the playground.

Having taught music and airing on the side that when parents nurture a good hobby in a child that child has better odds of staying out of trouble, I've found the damage of the unsupervised internet generation
is also reflective in the declining of arts participation - and interest - among children.

Particularly, in music, where success not only requires ability but, skill that is delevoped over time, the internet cuts deeply into that time, even diverting the interests of otherwise gifted individuals.

Unfortunately, for all of us, this means the next Mozart may
never influence mainstream music because the structure and discipline it takes to perfect a skill, such as music, is sacrificed for mainstream computers before a gifted child can decide for themself that they do, infact, possess a skill.

(1)
Michael,
January 18, 2004 12:00 AM

accuracy

"The nature of human psychology is that over-indulgence in one pleasure creates a desire for another, more depraved pleasure, and so forth in a potentially unending downward spiral towards total degradation."

WHAT!!?!! A perfectly good article ruined by such a stupid statement.

Michael Silverman, Ph.D.

Cg,
September 16, 2014 4:49 PM

Perhaps it wasn't ruined. Perhaps you just need time to see the truth of this statement.

My nephew is having his bar mitzvah and I am thinking of a gift. In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. But I want to get him something special. What do you suggest?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in the commandments, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.)

With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (every Jews’ “home town”). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here.

For boys, a really beautiful gift is a pair of tefillin, the black leather boxes which contain parchments of Torah verses, worn on the bicep and the head. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here.

In 1944, the Nazis perpetrated the Children's Action in the Kovno Ghetto. That day and the next, German soldiers conducted house-to-house searches to round up all children under age 12 (and adults over 55) -- and sent them to their deaths at Fort IX. Eventually, the Germans blew up every house with grenades and dynamite, on suspicion that Jews might be in hiding in underground bunkers. They then poured gasoline over much of the former ghetto and incinerated it. Of the 37,000 Jews in Kovno before the Holocaust, less than 10 percent survived. One of the survivors was Rabbi Ephraim Oshri, who later published a stirring collection of rabbinical responsa, detailing his life-and-death decisions during the Holocaust. Also on this date, in 1937, American Jews held a massive anti-Nazi rally in New York City's Madison Square Garden.

In a letter to someone who found it difficult to study Torah, the 20th century sage the Chazon Ish wrote:

"Some people find it hard to be diligent in their Torah studies. But the difficulty persists only for a short while - if the person sincerely resolves to submerge himself in his studies. Very quickly the feelings of difficulty will go away and he will find that there is no worldly pleasure that can compare with the pleasure of studying Torah diligently."

Although actions generally have much greater impact than thoughts, thoughts may have a more serious effect in several areas.

The distance that our hands can reach is quite limited. The ears can hear from a much greater distance, and the reach of the eye is much farther yet. Thought, however, is virtually limitless in its reach. We can think of objects millions of light years away, and so we have a much greater selection of improper thoughts than of improper actions.

Thought also lacks the restraints that can deter actions. One may refrain from an improper act for fear of punishment or because of social disapproval, but the privacy of thought places it beyond these restraints.

Furthermore, thoughts create attitudes and mindsets. An improper action creates a certain amount of damage, but an improper mindset can create a multitude of improper actions. Finally, an improper mindset can numb our conscience and render us less sensitive to the effects of our actions. We therefore do not feel the guilt that would otherwise come from doing an improper act.

We may not be able to avoid the occurrence of improper impulses, but we should promptly reject them and not permit them to dwell in our mind.

Today I shall...

make special effort to avoid harboring improper thoughts.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...