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“Earth Girls are Easy” is So Great!

This ridiculous-mazing movie came out in 1988, so if you haven’t seen it ever, GO FIND IT AND SEE IT! If you haven’t seen it in a “while,” same goes for you, because Boyfriend and I arranged a “Cheesy Date Night,” complete with delicious artisan cheeses, honey, champers, and the best of all “cheesy” 80s movies! He is a big fan of Jim Carrey, and I am all about pretty much every aspect of this movie, especially sexy Jeff Goldblum. Okay, so spoilers for you (Millenials) who haven’t been exposed yet, but I’m gonna walk through some of my favorite aspects, including some super rad fashion choices!

Unlike more recent films, the appropriately “lady job” of our main character is manicurist and not stripper. Hooray! This not only gives her a totally non-sex related profession, and allows for some amazingly 80s nail designs!

So many nails! And they’re all so fancy!

Re: Nails -They are so important you can (and should) do them in your car and speed the process with a hairdryer.

Her car is completely awesome. Jealous.

Also, since Valerie works in a salon, we get rad hair and architecture AND the perfect setting for a musical/dance number about makeovers! Seriously, this happens in, like, the first ten minutes, y’all.

It’s SO FUN!

Damn, Geena! You look GOOD!

The reason for this fab montage is because Valerie (Geena Davis) is engaged to this total douche doctor (Ted), and they haven’t had sex in *gasp* two weeks! (I adore this joke that runs throughout the movie. It’s such a great feminist suggestion that women also like getting laid.) So, after Valerie undergoes this super hot blonde transformation, and dons some adorably risque underoos, she goes home to surprise douche-Ted, who shows up with a date, thinking Valerie is out of town! Obvs, this situation becomes pretty dramatic, and douche-Ted is kicked the hell out of the house for being a lame jerk. Afterward is when it gets really good. Valerie gets a super sex kitten lip-synch/insanely destructive revenge montage!

Hott.

Yeah, that bowling ball is about to meet a super 80s computer. Seriously, she ruins ALL his things.

Fast forward to the next day, in which Valerie is sunning by the pool, trying to relax and forget about douche-Ted. Suddently, aliens crash land in her pool! Whoa! Jeff Goldblum immediately has to save her from drowning by taking her into said ship (it’s bigger on the inside!), and once she regains consciousness and establishes there won’t be any raping, they become friends!

Oops! Let’s land in this hot lady’s pool, I guess!

No raping! This is a fun movie about intergalactic love!

She takes them into her house (which, btw, has an AMAZING vintage refrigerator that’s pink on the outside and turquoise on the inside! WANT!), and offers to make them lunch while they do a “weird noises and learning Earth things” montage and wait for Woody (surprise, it’s Michael McKean!) to get there and drain the pool. This, of course, involves a bathroom joke, hilariously played out by young Jim Carrey trying to squat in the litter box.

Just like babies, they have no idea that records aren’t edible.

Obvs there’s an Elvis reference in this movie.

Now it’s the alien dudes’ turns for a makeover montage! (Can there be too many in one movie? No. Never.) Valerie turns to her awesome friend/coworker Candy (Julie Brown), who not only uses phrases like “Mental Margarita,” but also does a stellar job at making these three goofy-looking hairballs into pretty hot guys.

Amazing bestie!

Before = Weird and unappealing

After = YES!

Mmmmmmmmm…

Jeff Goldblum is my SUPER favorite. Such a sexy 80s Jewish guy. I like ‘em tall dark and handsome, I must say. Although, to be fair, Jim looks good as a blonde.

As every lady knows, once you get a makeover, you’ve got to go somewhere to show it off, so Candy insists they all go party! (Candy is the best.) They end up at a crazy dance club, wherein Zeebo (Damon Wayans) kicks ass at a dance-off, Wiploc (Carrey) shows off his versatile alien tongue, and Mac (Goldblum) has an intimate discussion with Valerie about “Mr. Right” while tickling the ivories in a blue sequined jacket. (It sounds incredible because it is!)

This dude means business, apparently.

The club scene also offers TONS of great 80s clothes and accessories to envy. There are petticoats, crop tops, earrings made from credit cards, leggings and enough big hair to clog an industrial dryer. Valerie isn’t really into this scene, so she goes with a more casual look, but it totally includes a jean jacket complete with a BUTTON-COVERED collar! (Making one immediately.)

SWEET COLLAR! Also, there’s douche-Ted.

Once the shenanigans are done for the evening, Valerie takes the hot aliens home, only to find an apologetic douche-Ted come a-groveling. Of course, when he comes in the house and finds lots of his things completely destroyed, he quickly changes his tune. The fact that Valerie is being followed by an entourage of weirdos who’re eating his fish raw also offends his delicate sensibilities, so with voices raised, the cops suddenly appear. They (and this is really great) support Valerie’s claim that douche-Ted does not live there anymore and that he is “strangling [her] guests,” and they haul his arrogant ass right out of there and into custody! He leaves yelling about their engagement being called off, which makes Val sad, but not for long, because: alien sex!

Oh, he’s got the right stuff, Valerie.

Along with being super supportive and outrageously sexy, Mac also has the ability to administer a “love touch,” which makes the affected party all multicolored and happy. He does this to Valerie, who, as you might recall, has been going through a bit of a dry spell, and they make delightful alien love together. Unfortunately, that whole “The Fly” terrible dream thing happens, and Valerie has to run around all confused and upset in a weird (amazing), scary world that’s full of alien creatures sort of living the American dream. This sequence is pretty awesome, and some serious effort went into it, but once she wakes up, she pops 3-4 birth control pills (just be be super sure, I guess), and things go on as “normal” while the aliens fix their spaceship.

I feel super sexy!

But now I’m scared and creeped out by my subconscious!

Valerie can’t stay upset waking up to this guy just fixing the ship all shirtless.

I won’t spoil the end bits for you, but it does involve a car chase and douche-Ted trying to make out with a cat. Obvs, it’s a happy ending, and there are a few more awkward fashion choices to be made. I just adore this movie, and the people in it, and I hope you do too!

Real good.

If you have seen this movie, did you love it?? What were some of your favorite parts? Anything you think is super fab that I left out?