Sheryl Sandberg has a message for managers: It’s not illegal to talk about gender issues in the workplace with your staff.

Bloomberg News

Facebook Inc. COO Sheryl Sandberg, pictured at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, says managers must talk with staff about family needs.

The Facebook chief operating officer’s best-selling manifesto, “Lean In,” has helped spark national discussion about career ambition, parenting and the state of women in the workplace. But these conversations are surprisingly difficult to have in one of the places where they matter most: In the office, between bosses and staff.

“People genuinely want to handle gender issues in the workplace well, but it’s a topic that makes everyone uncomfortable,” says Sandberg. “No one wants to be insensitive, so often they say nothing at all.” One male manager told Sandberg he would rather talk about his sex life in public than take up gender issues with his staff.

Many managers, especially men, may shy away from such discussions because they fear saying anything inappropriate, or worse, illegal. For lots of managers, even mentioning pregnancy and child-rearing is off limits. “The easy and often reflexive recommendation from counsel is often to stay away from any conversation or discussion,” say Joseph Yaffe and Karen Corman, employment lawyers at Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom.

That’s a “very bad interpretation” of gender discrimination laws, Sandberg says. While rules to protect against gender discrimination are necessary, she says they shouldn’t be used to stifle important workplace conversations. “The path of not talking about it is not working,” she says.

Workers, meanwhile, may be worried about bringing up pregnancy and parenting for fear that doing so signals flagging devotion to their job or could squeeze them out of plum assignments down the line.

Sandberg advises managers, both men and women, to have an open door policy, to invite workers to talk about any concerns about how child-rearing or pregnancy may affect their career paths.

As a model, Sandberg offers up her brother, a doctor. She says he tells hires: “You may want to have kids one day . . . If you want to talk to me [about work and family issues], my door is open and I’m there to support you.”

Sandberg says that she has a similar open-door policy and scores of employees have taken her up on her offer to chat about gender, family and career paths.

Fear of breaking anti-discrimination laws “should not inhibit employees’ and their managers’ and supervisors’ ability to discuss issues of profound personal importance,” Yaffe and Corman say.

Workplace laws are often a murky area, but one thing is clear: Employers cannot discriminate against staff based on gender or whether they are pregnant or planning to have children. That means managers cannot make job decisions or deny staffers coveted assignments based on those factors.

And managers must respect their staffers’ privacy, which means bosses shouldn’t, say, ask point-blank when a staffer plans on having kids. “It’s always OK to open the door to discussions, but don’t open it further by prying,” says Yaffe.

Of course, employees might not always feel comfortable bringing up pregnancy or family issues. But business leaders can help set the stage by bringing up their own work and family experiences.

Managers “are trained to avoid these topics like they are the third rail,” says Yaffe. “But we will be better off if more people get comfortable having these conversations.”

Here are some more tips, courtesy of Yaffe and Corman, on bringing up work and family issues in the workplace:

Do
1. Have an “open-door” policy to discuss issues or concerns. Invite an employee who has expressed an interest in talking, whether about pregnancy or any other issue, for a discussion over coffee or lunch about what’s on her mind.
2. Acknowledge reality. Managers may tell an employee that they understand the employee may have questions about integrating pregnancy and childrearing with career goals, and that the manager is there to discuss them, if the employee ever wants to talk.
3. Provide flexibility. Instead of just talking about retaining mothers in the workforce, take steps to provide flexibility for working parents, such as telecommuting or time-shifting. Ask employees what policies would be most helpful for them.

Don’t
1. Never imply that parenting will have an adverse impact on someone’s career or their opportunities for progression.
2. Don’t pry. Some employees may not want to discuss these issues. It’s about being supportive, not intrusive.

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Written and edited by The Wall Street Journal’s Management & Careers group, At Work covers life on the job, from getting ahead to managing staff to finding passion and purpose in the office. Tips, questions? email us.