Blog

Aug 18 2016

Are you settling for less than you deserve?

In my last post I asked you whether survivor support groups have been helpful to you. Thanks so much to those of you who shared your experience, responding even though the comment section of my blog was hidden. (Oops! It’s now fixed.)

By far, your favorite things about support groups are that you meet people who really “get” what you’ve been through, and you can laugh and exchange helpful tips with your support group friends.

Groups like that are wonderful windows of comfort and companionship during the ups and downs of life after cancer.

One person shared that she tried four different groups before she found one she was happy with. She strongly cautioned against settling for a group that drains your energy.

That’s great advice.

Settling for any choice that doesn’t feel really right to you means you’re giving up some of your power to create the life you really want.

Unfortunately, I’m no stranger to settling. For years I settled for a corporate career that was eating me alive. I put up with long hours and drama that kept me from being physically and emotionally “there” for my family. I didn’t see how I could possibly make a change (What? Give up my stability and benefits?)

But over time I became more anxious and dejected.

Things changed the day I realized I wasn’t doing my teenage daughters a favor by showing them it was OK to remain unhappy. For them, and for myself, I had to find a way to keep my career from sucking the life out of me.

At age 47 I followed a childhood dream and applied to medical school…and the rest is history.

How do you know if you’re settling?

You put up with repeated waves of fear, overwhelm or boredom, telling yourself “that’s just the way it is. I might as well get used to it.”

You’re not happy, but you don’t see that you have any other choice than the way things are.

Your energy and motivation are leaking away over time. (Settling can be soul-sucking!)

Your still small voice tells you something better is available to you, but you don’t seek it out.

You find a solution that feels really right, but you’re unwilling to invest your time or money in it (ie, in yourself, my friend).

Does any of this sound familiar?

The darn thing is, it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s always a better choice, even though right now it may seem beyond your reach.

When I started taking steps to leave my corporate career so I could serve from my heart, my world went from black-and-white to technicolor. Saying YES to what enlivens you is the difference between living in the shadows and living out loud.

That’s what I want for you.

Where are you “spinning” or feeling stuck?

What are you thinking you have no choice about?

What would you love to do/have/be, but can’t see any possible way to get there?