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race anxiety.

Apparently, it only happens with half marathons. I’ve done several 5K’s & 10K’s, no anxiety. My first (and last) half? I about cried at the starting line. Thankfully, I had friends toeing the line with me that assured me I could do it. Once the gun went off, I was fine.

Now, here we are 2 days before my next half and here they are again.

What gives?

The same worries as last time are bubbling up. Was my training good enough? Which shoes should I wear? Is my injury going to flare up (last time it was a quad strain, this time a hip injury)? Is the humidity going to kill me? Do I have everything I need? Am I going to regret not carrying water? Am I going to regret carrying it? How often should I fuel? Should I fuel? With what? And so on and so on.

Why don’t I worry about these things with shorter races? The most I worry about there is coordinating my outfit and eating breakfast. And why am I worried about these things the second time around? I’ve already proved I can run a half marathon. And if my training wasn’t good enough, walk part of it. My last half was so brutal, that I will probably PR regardless.

Earlier this week, I seriously contemplated canceling our hotel reservations and deferring my entry until next year. Maybe, by then I would be ready. I even went so far as to email the race company and ask about my options.

My meltdown is far from over, but I pushed through the moments of insane doubt and worry (with a fake smile) and here we sit in Fort Stockton, TX for the night, on our way to San Antonio.

I’m still worried and not yet excited. I have to trust that the training I did get in, will suffice. I never made my 10-mile run because of the injury, but I did get 2 8-mile runs in. One was a disaster (when my injury showed up) and the other went pretty good. I packed everything on my race list, plus some. I tested out everything I plan to wear/eat, except my new shirt (which is super cute, BTW) and all went well.