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The couple relationship is a special kind of relationship. When things are going well, it can be one of the most meaningful and intimate relationships we could ever be a part of. However, when things are not going well, marriage or the couple relationship can sometimes feel like the bane of our existence. In my experience as a professional relationship counselor, communication often makes or breaks a relationship. Communication permeates every aspect of a relationship. In order to effectively resolve conflicts, couples have to be good communicators. In order to successfully develop a budget and/or financial plan, couples have to communicate well. In order to set adequate marital boundaries, a couple has to be on top of their communication game.

Effective communication is an extremely important aspect of having a healthy marriage. Below are 5 skills you can begin to incorporate into your relationship to improve your communication.

“My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life. But, I think he’s wrong. I think my mom’s right. She says that childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.” (Hope Floats, 1998).

For some of you, this quote from the movie Hope Floats doesn’t ring true for you at all; but, for others, it is spot on. Some of you have tons of positive memories when you reflect on your childhood; but, for others, not so much. Although I believe that most parents truly are doing the best they can, some parents seem to have a better grasp on childrearing than others. For whatever reasons, many children will launch into adulthood with festering emotional wounds left by the actions or inactions of their parents. These young adults will soon enter into relationships themselves and have children of their own, all the while, unbeknownst to them, carrying with them their childhood baggage.

“Don’t expect your children to make up for where your parents fell short.”

The reality is that we, parents, are human. No matter how experienced or educated we are as a parent, mistakes are inevitable. The common adage “There’s no such thing as a perfect parent,” doesn’t even do it justice. The fact is that we are miles and MILES away from the nearest road that leads to perfection. This is a hard reality, but most of us have come to accept it. However, what makes this reality even more troubling is that we know that our kids know. THEY ARE ON TO US!

Since our kids already know about our imperfections, we might as well quit pretending that we are beyond reproach. We need to give our kids permission to respectfully correct us when we do something out of line in our parenting endeavors. When we do this we are teaching our children some valuable lessons for life.

First, we are modeling for them how to handle criticism. There is an opportunity here for us to show our kids how someone should appropriately respond to criticism or admonishment. We do so by acknowledging the wrong-doing, apologizing, and thanking them for respectfully bringing it to your attention.

Secondly, we are giving them permission to speak up when their rights as a human being have been violated. I believe that nothing gives us the right to mistreat another person. We all should have a general respect for others simply because they are human beings. As parents, we often don’t realize that when we scream/yell at our children, make empty threats, or even emotionally checkout/disconnect, we are violating that general principle of how we should treat others. It is mistreatment plain and simple... and we ALL fall prey to it from time to time.

Individual Counseling

Do you struggle with feeling anxious or depressed? Have you experienced more than your share of injustices? Have you experienced an agonizing loss with loneliness, helplessness and guilt? If so, you might consider working with a professional counselor.

Marriage Counseling

Are you looking to connect with your mate on a deeper level? Do you want to restore intimacy or repair the hurt caused by infidelity? If you feel like your relationship is one of high conflict, and resolving problems seems like an unachievable task, then please consider couples counseling.

Family Counseling

Whether you have adult children or children still living in the home, as long as you are a parent, it is never too late to make changes. If you desire to have a better relationship with your children; or, if you need help in areas such as discipline and boundary setting, then please do not hesitate to call me to set up your first appointment.

Seminars

As a licensed marital and family therapist, I have extensive training and experience in working with couples and family. For more than a decade I have devoted my career and ministry to serving couples and family in the professional counseling setting. I have developed these seminars based on my clinical expertise and experience in working with marriages and families over the years. I currently offer the following seminars:

Parenting R.I.S.K.S., LIfelong Rewards. Building Relationships that Last a Lifetime

Special Speaking Engagements

I have experience speaking to religious organizations, academia professionals, non-profit and self-help organizations. I have spoken on mental health topics such as anxiety and depression, self-injury, control, and teenage drug and alcohol addiction. I have presented on relational topics, including but not limited to communication, sexuality and intimacy, blended families, parenting and the parent-child relationship, and forgiveness.

I am also available to speak on other mental health and family-related topics. Please contact me if you are interested in having me speak at your event.