So much for serenity

Cartoon courtesy of Jess Rae of Doodley Squat.

NOTE to self: never ever leave my car keys inside the vehicle before closing the door. Because it will lock. And it will set off the earsplitting alarm. In the middle of paradise. Ironically, I had just driven two-and-a-half hours into the mountains to get 24 hours of peace and quiet. My very special and generous friend Laura and her husband Terry recently bought a holiday house at Sawmill Settlement, just at the base of Mount Buller. I know right? I definitely scored in the friendship stakes. So Laura, being the knowing friend she is, calls me up on Tuesday morning and tells me to pack my suitcase, my girls and my butt in the car and head on over after work for a night of bliss and a day in the snow. How could I resist? But things don’t always go according to plan when it comes to, well, me. The ski retreat is nestled in a charming little mountain village, where you can literally hear the rush of the river. Ahh the serenity. Not for long though. Too excited to think clearly, I accidentally left my keys on the front seat of the car. And when it closed, all hell broke lose as the alarm sounded. The cacophony cut through the serenity like a double-edged sword. Thankfully, it stopped after about 30 seconds. Another thing to be thankful for was Terry, who is a bit of a handy man and reassured me he could do exactly what the RACV guy would do and then charge me $50 because I am not a member (another note to self: get an RACV membership). So, here is Terry in his King G shorts, thongs and not much else, armed with a screwdriver, a piece of timber and a couple of coathangers — ready to save the day. Light was fading fast (plus I didn’t know what time the bottle shop would close) so there was no time to waste. Terry jimmied the edge of the door with the screwdriver and eased the corner open with the timber before sticking the wire down the small gap. Simple right? Wrong. After four attempts — including picking up the keys only to drop them on the floor, trying to open the door latch which set off the alarm, pressing the unlock button on the door only to set off the alarm again and then unsuccessfully trying to press the unlock button on the key — Terry’s blood pressure wasn’t looking too good. But he wasn’t going to let it beat him. After about 30 minutes, he finally managed to pick the keys up off the floor and slide them through the gap in the window. Phew. His masculinity remained intact. Or maybe he was just after a hug and kiss from me. Who could blame him though? Anyway, I am pretty sure I have now ruined Laura and Terry’s reputation as ‘‘the lovely quiet family’’ among their newfound neighbours who will be sure to make noise complaints next time I rock up. Needless to say, I am pretty sure I won’t be invited over again any time soon.