Why Taylor Swift Will Always be Single and Why Miley isn’t that Bad…

So, if you are like me, you absolutely loved Taylor Swift. Her ‘Sparks Fly’ album totally got you through the only adult break up you’ve ever had. You TOTALLY loved her and she could do no wrong. She was a sweet, classy gal who wrote what we all felt. I was Team Taylor 100%, I couldn’t believe how people like Joe Jonas, John Mayer (what were you thinking, Tay) or that 12 year old Kennedy guy could hurt our sweet baby girl. Like, didn’t they REALIZE what a catch they had!? I mean, really guys? It’s Taylor Mother Effin’ Swift, America’s Sweetheart. I’m positive that’s what’s on her business card.

But as the years have gone on, our sweet girl has turned into the biggest Bitter Betty, I have ever seen. I am all for vindicating yourself when some douche bag does you wrong, but I’m beginning to think that Tay is just digging her grave deeper and deeper and may be the problem. Her behavior at the VMAs is worse to me than Miley’s! I’m not just saying this because I absolutely love me some Harry Styles, but calling him out and telling him to shut the f up, supes rude Tay Tay. You are going to be single forever because you are the girl everyone gets warned about. “Don’t date the string bean, she will put you on BLAST all day, err day.”

So, Tay Tay, give it a rest, will you? This is America, there are bitter, scorned lovers all over and you know what, we don’t serial date and break up for a hit song. In fact, I’m almost thinking MTV needs to take away your Moonman and give it to the screaming goats. They did just as good a job as you, and aren’t nearly as hateful or pitchy.

Now to Hannah Montana. Ok, we get it and I absolutely agree. Her performance was trashy as SHIT. Put your tongue in your mouth. You look like a dog on a hot summer’s day. It made me very uncomfortable and embarrassed for her. However, I remember my first beer, Miles. And let’s get serious, we get it. You’re an adult. And probably if I was a bajillionaire and had a rockin’ hot bod like she does, I’d be in a nude, plastic bikini ALL THE TIME. In fact, when I was 20, Ric’s favorite saying was “put on a shawl” because the girls were out all the time. I just didn’t have 10 million people watching or a gross foam finger to pleasure myself with on a stage… I mean, early 20’s are just as awkward and hard as early teens. In the words of Mama Brit she is not a girl, not yet a woman. Let’s give her 6 years to find out who she is and she will look back on this and be humiliated. Until then, parent groups, let’s not riot to have someone at MTV fired. That’s just ridic.