Monday, May 12, 2014

A recent statement from C-Span said they considered the upcoming
Benghazi hearings “inappropriate and inconsistent” with their public affairs
programming. Of course cable news will cover it, CNN will offer their emotional
anguish perspective, MSNBC will present their typical sarcastic commentary, and
Fox News can always be counted on to make their usual conspiracy noises.

Without
C-Span however, it was beginning to look like hardcore political viewers would
be left holding their remotes. That is until Director
of Programming Ray Bob “Bobber” Budnik announced earlier today that complete
gavel-to-gavel coverage of the proceedings of the House Select Committee would
be aired by The Fishing Channel.

“You can bet I’ll be wearing my hip waders when we get into
this,” Budnik remarked, “but I think our audience will be able to relate. Fishing
isn't just about catching a fish. It’s about process, it’s about technique.
It’s as much about patience and persistence as it is about success. That’s why,
for two years in a row, we've awarded our Hook, Line, and Sinker Award to Darryl
Issa.”

This will not be the first time Budnik has tested the
political waters. In 2010 he proposed a constitutional amendment making it a
right for every American to own a fly rod.

Monday, March 10, 2014

It
looks like Christie, Cruz, Paul, Perry, Rubio, Ryan, and Walker will all have
to wait their turns. After winning the recent CPAC straw poll, and the
enthusiastic endorsement of both Sarah Palin and Rudi Giuliani, the party’s two
political thought leaders most unhindered by analytical reasoning, Vladimir
Putin has emerged as the new 2016 Republican presidential front-runner.

In what
may be a related development, Bob Costas has reportedly poked himself in both
eyes with a sharp stick.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

The ongoing investigation into New Jersey
Governor Chris Christie’s involvement in restricting Fort Lee residents’ access
to the George Washington Bridge may be affecting his popularity among some of
his Garden State constituents.

One of his former supporters, Nicky “Nads”
Nutella offered his take on the controversy “It woulda been beautiful. I mean
freakin’ beautiful. A real Jersey wise guy in the White House, I mean, one of
us, in the freakin’ White House. Can you imagine? It woulda been freakin’
beautiful.”

Nutella continued “Yea, but now I’m not so
sure, ya know. It’s like this thing Sister Marie Theresa used to tell us when
we was kids, just make sure it’s worth it before ya pull this kinda shit in the
first place. She told us that all the time. In fact I still got a mark over
here from that one time she told us.

So now everybody
wants to know what he knew. Did he know? How would I know? What I do know is
that the big guy always knows. My uncle Carmine taught me that. So if he didn’t
know what he was supposed to know, maybe he’s not the big guy we thought we
knew. Ya know?”