---- ALLAN'S PERSPECTIVE ---- The left wing drives me crazy, and the right wing scares the shit out of me!

Allan's Perspective is not recommended for the politically correct, or the overly religious! Some people have opinions, and some have convictions ..., what we offer is Perspective!

We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special." Stephen Hawking.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Sunday Morning Funnies! # 6557

Dear Readers: If I was this guy I would MOVE!

This is sort of funny, just not funny ha ha!

A 50-year-old Bosnian man believes that aliens are behind the meteorites that have repeatedly struck his home since 2007.Experts at Belgrade University, have confirmed that the six rocks
handed to them by Gornji Lajici have all been meteorites; all of which
struck his roof on rainy days.After strike number five Lajic remarked that he thought something more deliberate was afoot:
I am obviously being targeted by extraterrestrials. I don’t know what I
have done to annoy them but there is no other explanation that makes
sense. The chance of being hit by a meteorite is so small that getting
hit six times has to be deliberate.He later added: I have no doubt I am being targeted by aliens. They are playing games with me. I don’t know why they are doing this.When it rains I can’t sleep for worrying about another strike.
To fortify his home against the extra-terrestrial blitzkrieg, Lajic
has reinforced his roof with steel girders. The renovation was paid for
by the sale of one of his meteorites to a university in the Netherlands.
Read more at http://weinterrupt.com/2010/07/mans-home-hit-by-sixth-metorite-alien-shenanigans-suspected/#MR18bTkkRXlB1AFq.99
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While we are on the subject of stuff that is ‘sort’ of funny, let’s see just how stupid we really are!
Ya have to be smart to get these jokes………………………………., REALLY smart!
Unfortunately I don’t know the name of the guy who wrote this article
so I can’t give him credit …………………., OR, he’s just too smart to give
his identity away!

I’m not funny, and I am certainly not intelligent.
You can vouch for this, you’ve read my articles here. You’ve not? Oh,
well, I mean just to see what I mean, you should definitely go on my
author page and read some of my incredibly unfunny and unintelligent
posts. You should probably follow that by ‘liking’ the posts and, oh, I
don’t know, sharing them on every social network you are connected to.
You need to educate people in how unfunny and unintelligent I am; they
need to know – warn them!Anyway, regardless of the above, I’m here to tell you about really
intellectual and intelligent jokes that are actually funny. Blind
reading the blind, right? Well, I’m not really going to tell you
anything interesting about them, or anything about them at all, I’m just
going to regurgitate a bunch of them at you like a mother bird feeding
her chicks, or, perhaps more accurately, like a drunk sat at the end of
the bar; alone, craving attention, needing love, slurring jokes he’s
heard somewhere else like they were his own – all for the brief fleeting
moment of glory that follows in the form of a stranger’s laughter, the
approval and acceptance of another human being, that alleviates him
temporarily from his miserable existence and myriad of mental health
issues, masked only by the sauce…☛ Political Satire: North Korea VS AmericaSo, yeah; intellectual jokes. I’m about to reel off a sort of top
twenty five of them and, credit where Reddit’s due, they all stem from a
questioned posed to users on Reddit recently that simply asked, ‘What’s
the most intellectual joke you know?’ The whole thing got rather
popular, and a number of people are reporting it, seemingly, surprised
that users of the internet laugh at more than dick jokes, racism,
homophobia, sexism, memes, paedophilia and the ever rich and fruitful
source materials that were Hitler, the holocaust and Nazis as a whole.☛ Something Else I Wrote: Japanese ‘Cuddle’ CafeThe jokes involved run the gambit from physics to philosophy, and
further. Pretentious? Esoteric? Maybe. Funny? Definitely. Not surprising
really, I hear smart people need to laugh too; they are after all the
most miserable of the lot of us – they know the truth we could never
understand. Plus there’s the fact a number of respected comics have
backgrounds in any number of the sciences, without even getting started
on the Futurama writing team.

Anyway, they’re on the next page.

1. A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m travelling light.”

2. “Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?”

3. What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

4. A
TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a
beer.” The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?” “Yes,” replies
the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

5. An
electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.
The policeman says: “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 130km
per hour?” The electron goes: “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

6. Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: “Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!”

7. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.

8. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

11. A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: “Make me one with everything”.

12. What do you call two crows on a branch? Attempted murder.

13.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down
the street together. A juggler is performing on the street but there are
so many people that the four men can’t see the juggler. So the juggler
goes on top of a platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The four men
answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

14. Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

15. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it’s a hardware problem.

16. A
student travelling on a train looks up and sees Einstein sitting next
to him. Excited, he asks: “Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at
this train?”

17. Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.

18. Werner
Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar. Heisenberg
turns to the other two and says: “Clearly this is a joke, but how can we
figure out if it’s funny or not?” Gödel replies: “We can’t know that
because we’re inside the joke.” Chomsky says: “Of course it’s funny.
You’re just telling it wrong.”

19. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says: “Five beers, please.”

20. Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

21. An
infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender says:
“What’ll it be, boys?” The first mathematician: “I’ll have one half of a
beer.” The second mathematician: “I’ll have one quarter of a beer.” The
third mathematician: “I’ll have one eight of a beer.” The fourth
mathematician: “I’ll have one sixteenth of a…” The bartender interrupts:
“Know your limits, boys” as he pours out a single beer.

23. Jean-Paul
Sartre is sitting at a French café, revising his draft of Being and
Nothingness. He says to the waitress: “I’d like a cup of coffee, please,
with no cream.” The waitress replies: “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re
out of cream. How about with no milk?”

24. A
classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The
tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

25. A
programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of
bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with
12 loaves of bread.