Monday, December 15, 2014

Building A Single Life

I had a conversation recently with one of my few remaining single girl friends. (By few, I mean possibility the only remaining one.) Anyways, we were discussing the inevitable topic of relationships and the lack of their existence in our lives. Not that we don't necessarily get asked out on dates, but on the occasion that we do, we've built a single life for ourselves making it almost impossible to accept the offer. Recently, I was asked out to dinner and I checked my calendar and responded that I was available on Tuesday in two weeks after 8:30 PM and could maybe do something for an hour (hour and a half max) because I had to get up at 5:15 AM the next day for a run. Seriously? Who wants to date that? He agreed to the date but with my consistent scheduling of dates at odd times with time constraints, it fizzled.

I've always thought of myself as the single girl. Sure I've dated somewhat consistently but I've only had two boyfriends. One was long distance, the other lasted a month. Both were over five years ago. Not that I am complaining as I realize most of this is my own doing. I have extremely high expectations of my next boyfriend and usually stick with a couple month dating process that ultimately ends things if he ever sees me.

My other single friend and myself have built what I like to call our single lives. I've built a life for myself between my career, college program, fitness schedule, church class, blog and Henry that doesn't permit much time for the dating scene. If its one of the few weekends where I've remained in Charlotte without a visitor, my to do list is so lengthy that I don't find myself worrying about a date on Saturday night and am usually looking forward to a restful night in with Henry. Because of this overly planned schedule and single life, I make for a very difficult dating contendor.

I know the rebuttal and I've heard it before, when it's with someone you enjoy and care about, you don't feel the need to schedule and you find a way to make time. My issue with that is, one you have to first spend enough time with someone during the hour and a half of free time I have available every other week and be charming enough to do it consistently that you get to that point and two, I'm not sure I really have the time. Should I become unreliable on my commitments? Am I supposed to sacrifice on my eight hours of sleep per night and become Miss Cranky? Tell the girls, sorry can't help you apply to college tonight, I've got a date, good luck! Forget it first graders, no time for Jesus this week. Holly and Geoff, I will just stop working out. Stop writing blog posts?

I look to my friends who have consistently had boyfriends and are now seriously dating, engaged, or married and I compare their to life to ours (me and my long single friend) and I realize that difference lies in all of the other activities we involve ourselves in. (Not that my paired up friends don't do things with their lives. I love you.) We have unknowingly built this life that does't allow for dating. Should the right man come into my life, I don't have time to see him. I barely spend enough time with Henry during the week. (Side note: Not enough times with Henry results in pillows on the floor, unmade beds, and eaten books. Something I try to avoid.)

I don't really have a conclusion for this post. More just sharing my musings on the topic. I hope that one day, someone will come into my life who will find my busy scheduling and tendency to over commit myself endearing and be ever so willing to bear with me while I make time for them. For now, I will just keep living my single life that I've established for myself. If it's ok for Taylor Swift, I think I can swing it too.

7 comments:

Alternatively perhaps, I find your busy schedule and life a positive thing, especially when I consider all of the people who plan entirely around their significant other.

And to this point: "when it's with someone you enjoy and care about, you don't feel the need to schedule and you find a way to make time"

When the guy is right, he will fit seamlessly into your schedule, regardless of how busy it is. You only have an hour and a half on a Tuesday or five minutes at 11 PM? He will be there. Better yet? He will want to join in all of your favorite activities!

I don't really have a point to this blog post except to commend you on being a strong, independent woman. By building a life for yourself now, you are guaranteeing a happier future for yourself AS WELL AS for the lucky man who you decide is the right one (the former being the point, and the latter being an added bonus).

All too often, I've seen women lose their schedules and give up on hobbies for relationships, only to be left feeling empty-handed and unfulfilled down the road. I say all of this because, at one time, I was one of these people who lost myself for a boy! Being "selfish" (though I hate that word) and doing things that I love and that make me happy have been the best thing I could do for myself AND for my relationship.

No real point to this comment other than you're doing great things, you should be proud of yourself, and the right guy will fit in, no problem. :)

Hayley! Thank you for your incredibly sweet and supportive comment. The thing is, there is no right or wrong way to do things but what really works for you. For some, its the comfort of a relationship, for others, its filling yourself with so many activities that you don't have time to date. :) Either way, we all do incredible things and the right relationships will find their way into our lives at the right time! So thankful for your constant support along the way!

Hi! I really like your blog, I found out about it through your profile in the everygirl. It looks like we have a bunch of the same interests :) I just started a blog this month (a work in progress). Happy to see there are other first time bloggers out there.