TithingSo many missionaries because we are about to take over the worldRandom temple announced somewhere unnecessaryTithingObedienceThose worldly bastards are trying to take away our right to be a religious bully and we must fight to preserve our religious freedom while destroying theirs.TithingSacrifice brings forth the blessings of heavenThe evils of the internetLook at all the service we give - everyone thinks we are just niftyTithingDon't take offense when other Mormons act like jackwagonsTake offense when non-Mormons do anything to burst your belief bubbleYou are so specialNow go pay your tithing and post on Facebook how uplifted you feel listening to a prophet lead the church.

Disconnect your computers because to continue using them will lead you down the path of temptation...yea even to learning the truth....yea verily and forsooth....5 sooth even...(sorry..my bad...couldn't resist)

You know, I'm going to lay even odds that Tommy suddenly remembers that Jesus is the Christ, the Joseph was a prophet, that God does speak to his servants today, that this is the one true church, etc., etc., this conference.

Any website not owned by LDS Inc will cause devastating porn addiction.

Many, many people visiting the jesus mall have now become mormons.

More money is needed.

The huge number of elders will require members to house them in their personal homes.

A new program for the dying baby boomers to transfer their estates to LDS Inc.

Softening on the hardcore gay stance, but having packer speak last to make it look harsh, as they know he is about to die.

Huge announcement regarding missionaries use of new technology. An Ipad knckoff will be held up but no explanation that it is only connected to the LDS intranet.

A pleading to parents to coerce their children into remaining LDS.

A reminder that the church was always at the forefront of civil rights, particularly regarding people of color and women.

The usual shuffling of the stakes and wards to give the very appearance this is still a financially viable organization.

Several statement that the church is under attack by satan.

Perhaps new allocations listed on the tithing slip, with no mention of the 'we keep it all' disclaimer.

A plea to young LDS women to weaponize promises of sex to retain young men.

No numbers will be given of the vast conversions by the influx of new missionaries, however, it will be gloriously reported that the work has been hastened and record numbers of baptisms (they will conveniently omit it was the worst record ever)

Amateur LDS apologists will be discouraged, and people will be directed to only use LDS owned sources and encourage people to steer others towards those sites. This will be in reaction to Dan Peterson going rogue on them, and Glen Beck appearing wacky. Another futile attempt of LDS Inc thinking they can control the interwebz.

I predict that I won't be listening to it but my family will and they'll start fighting with each other during the first session on Saturday Morning and by Sunday everyone will be in their room pissed off at everyone else.

1.) That the internet should be used only to learn of and spread the Gospel through Church authorized sites - NOT to learn the truth about the Church's true history.

2.) That the Church wants everyone to have a Temple Recommend, but that they don't care if they don't go to the Temple.

3.) That the Church does not have enough names for Temple Work and that it has had to resort to the necessary tactic of repeating the saving ordinances per individual several times at a Temple and then repeating those names in another Temple.

4.) That the Church has decided to sell all the Chandeliers in the Temples worth more than $100,000 each to build new resorts for the top 15 Apostles, Profits, Seers and Revelators.

5.) That the Church will no longer require anyone to learn to play the piano or organ for Sacrament Meeting, since they will be replacing all instruments with computer controlled playing devices that can play only Boyd KKK Packer approved material.

6.) That all Stake Presidents who severely discipline those who look for the true history on non-LDS approved websites will automatically receive their second anointing when their tenure is up.

7.) That senior missionary couples who currently pay big bucks out of their retirement to serve missions may now pay twice as much and that will allow them one upgrade in their choice of vehicle.

8.) That the church will no longer talk about "one's little factory" in interviews because of lawsuits that have the potential to force the church to open its financial records to the public.

9.) That the Church is starting its own Scouting Program so it doesn't have to deal with gay issues.

10.) That a new requirement will be added to the Temple Recommend, "Do you cheerfully and faithfully fulfill your assignments in the Meetinghouse Care Program?"

Up there, up there, up there on the platformHe is speaking to the peopleThe people are respondingWith clapping and a cheering

But the meaning of the messageNot revealed to those assembledThey're taken for a rideTaken in his stride

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

There's a rumour in the rankingSomeone's talking insurrectionGeneral has a purgeHe wants to win election

With the certain satisfactionThat the people are appeasedLong live the revolutionThe General's very pleased

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

Sitting on the fence both ears to the groundThe fat cats still push the thin cats aroundSitting on the fence both ears to the groundThe fat cats still push the thin cats aroundSitting on the fence both ears to the groundThe fat cats still push the thin cats

Intoducing the new general school of political diplomacyIf you disagree, you get annihilatedTrouble is, we haven't got many generalsWell, General MotorsGeneral Credit CorporationGeneral InsuranceThey're the worst generals of all, you know

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

When the Generals talkYou better listen to himWhen the Generals talkYou better do what he say

When the Generals talkWhen the Generals talkWhen the Generals talkYou better listen to him

I predict we will not hear a testimony from TSM and as worded so perfectly by Runtu on SSociety, we will hear TSM tell one of the following stories.

" - a story about a widow in his ward when he was bishop of 'the largest ward in the church.'

- a story about when he was a boy and in which he refers to himself as 'Tommy.'

- the 'passive triplet' where he puts together a string of 3 passive verb constructions: 'hearts were gladdened, spirits were lifted, and stomachs were filled.' "

CA girls predictions as true as they are, these are what we hear every year, and should be expected. Especially the Tithing

jiminycricket those are some good predictions too...

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'There's a rumour in the rankingSomeone's talking insurrectionGeneral has a purgeHe wants to win election'

I think the TSCC will need to address these insurrection issues in order to 'keep favor' with the brainwashed err followers

I'm not sure about this year, but in the next few years I predict...

With all the talk of 'Women and Pants' and 'Women and Priesthood Session of Conference'. I predict that TSM will receive revelation that Women will be given a variation of the Priesthood, It will basically be the Priesthood but will be a lower form and called something different to keep them different. They will be able to sit in on Healing Blessings, Baby Blessings, Baptism Confirmations, setting apart, ect. But will be excluded from Baptism, and Positions of Authority like Bishops, SP, GA, ect.

LGBT, I was going to predict more acceptance and more inclusion, but with the recent Hawaii deal??? I think the true prop8 colors are coming out again.. At least for now. There might be a couple more roars and then after TSCC gets 501c status revocation threats from the Gov. They will about face and do a 1978 type revelation.

I also predict TSCC will get involved and support the Anti 2nd Amendment/Guns are Evil campaign again a 501c status thing. They will try to make it a Temple Recommend Question.

Though this is all a bunch of hooey, it still makes me angry when the Mormon cult talks about normal people, who are not Mormons, and accuses them of being lazy, offended, sinners, etc. I also resent the plotting and scheming to recruit our children and other loved ones.

You'd better believe that there will be a lot of emphasis on sucking more victims into the cult--especially rich ones, or ones with rich parents.

"Those worldly bastards are trying to take away our right to be a religious bully and we must fight to preserve our religious freedom while destroying theirs." --CA Girl.

All twelve year olds should have temple recommends and should be outfitted by their parents with the appropriate underwear, jumpsuit, sock and white towel.

Adults attending sealings need to bring their own white footies.

Shields for Initiatory will now be included with the temple clothing and all endowed members must have their own clothing.

The temple laundries are now closed.

The remaining temple cafeterias are also closed.

Beehive security is now taking over all temple parking lots. Sorry folks, no more free parking.

This announcement will be followed by six talks about how the temple saves your family from, divorce, porn, juvenile delinquency, senility and the wily ways of the devil.TSM will conclude by telling of the dream that he had of the widows in paradise teaching those in spirit prison. They have promised those retched sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father that you would perform their ordinances and save their souls. You owe it to the widows to finish the work they have begun on the other side of the veil.

Exhortations will be exhorted. In the calm, reassuring tones of the confidence man, money will be solicited. Members will be instructed to obey instructions. Faith will be supported by recitations of faith.

It's a closed system. Notice that when you see a side view of the conference center interior you see two groups facing each other in stepped seating--authorities on the one side, and the outer party members on the other side. It's like a big "V" with a hive population regarding itself. It loves itself and always will.

Grant Palmer's General Authority from the First Quorum of Seventy will give a talk. Unsuspecting to the other General Authorities, who DO NOT know our GA's about to rock the cradle, there is a calm and peaceful order prior to the talk. All listen intently as usual. After our GA's introductory remarks he breaks from the pre-scripted talk on the teleprompter and tells the truth about the LDS fraud.

Boyd KKK Packer starts to hyperventilate and Elder Nelson tries to help him with his oxygen tube.

Tommy Monson is so heavily sedated with meds that he hasn't a clue what is going on.

Elder Crying-Eyring starts to cry uncontrollably.

Elder Uchtdorff stares straight into the hall and doesn't blink, while he secretly plots how to take advantage of the situation.

The other 12 Apostles start sending the GA daggers with their eyes.

Elder Perry crawls up the stairs to the organist to tell him and the choir director to sing "We Thank Thee Oh God For a Prophet."

The cameramen filming the whole thing are going crazy as to which event to capture on film since the broadcast is live.

The audience gasps at first, and then becomes so silent because they want to hear what this GA is going to say.

Afterwards, there is no mention in the Ensign of the event and the entire GA's talk is superimposed after the fact with another speech so that the following weeks re-broadcast on BYU TV will show absolutely nothing of the event.

The SLC media will go crazy and the defecting GA will have lengthy interviews. Church owned KSL will not mention the story.

The NY Times will pick up on the story and do a Sunday front-page spread on the event.

Hans Mattson, Tom Phillips and David Twede will be interviewed live on network TV.

Finally, MormonThink.com will have full-court press coverage and thousands of Mormons will be logging onto the internet to verify the GA's claims.

Weeks later there are tens of thousands of resignations from the Church and the LDS Inc. PR department denies it all.

- We are so special! Our neighbors are looking to us as an example of happy living, wondering what is so different about us! CONVERT YOUR FRIENDS! (probably Nelson)- These are dark times. The family is under attack, the Constitution is hanging by a thread. Members need to be more faithful in their callings and obedient (probably Holland or Bednar)- Society is being tossed about by that which feels good and is popular. The church must cling to God's standard...basically this talk will be 15 minutes of trying to say (without actually saying it) that gay sex isn't cool with Jesus. (definitely from Grand Wizard Boyd)- When we obey God's word, pay tithing, and don't question our leaders, we are SOOOOOOOO BLESSED! (probably Monsoon)- STAY THE F@#& OFF THE INTERNET!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! (probably Holland or Bednar)- God loves us SO DAMN MUCH, but we need to be worthy (probably Eyring)- We need to live our faith and be an example of the joy and happiness that the gospel brings. Let everyone see what you believe, then maybe they'll get curious (if it's a little more Jesus-y than the others, then probably Uchtdorff...if more Joseph-y, then most likely a Nelson encore)

We can also be confident that Holland will try and act like a macho Mormon tough guy during priesthood session.

Monson will delight us with a story of his youth.

Packer is going to look like death warmed over, and give a shorter than usual talk on the perils of gay sex and ignoring the law of chastity.

There will probably be at least one thinly veiled reference to Miley Cyrus being a trash bag.