Changing the World One Tweet at a Time

Reflections on What It Means to Be A Leader

Recently, I participated in one of the dynamically engaging and growing weekly leadership chats here on Twitter. Each week, a new leadership topic is presented and co-hosted by a different leader. This week, we had the honor of being led byDan Forbes from Lead With Giants. The topic he designed for us to explore was ‘Don’t Act Like a Leader…Be A Leader’.

Here are the list of questions presented during the chat:

Q1: Is there a difference between acting like a leader and being a leader?

Q2: When you are not being your authentic self, what are you?

Q3: Can acting like a leader be a positive thing?

Q4: Do leaders sometimes have to put on an act?

Q5: Can YOU tell when someone is acting?

Styles of Leadership

It only took getting to Question #2 when I realized just how deep this subject really is. For multiple reasons. Just off the top of my head I was already thinking of various styles of leadership; autocratic, democratic, and laissez-faire (delegating). I have personal experience with mainly the first two via military and civilian sectors. The military, which represents the autocratic body of leadership. It is intentionally designed NOT to be a democracy in order to carry out a specific purpose, functions, and tasks related to our national security and defense. The rest of the jobs I’ve held were in the civilian sector and could basically be considered democratic. Although that entirely depends on the mindset of the leader(s) running the organization or company. Or the type of organization it is.

Mindsets: Power Over vs Co-Creation

Which leads me to my next point: mindset. Even in a democracy, the mindset of a leader determines how that person leads. In their personal life and/or in business. Since childhood on, I have to say that many of the experiences I’ve had with various leaders were deeply entrenched in what could be considered ‘power over‘ mentality. It was about domination and control. As opposed to a more democratic or ‘co-creation’ methodology.

Values and Character

I also have to say that VALUES and CHARACTER also play a huge role on the way a person leads. There are many who are literally BEING A LEADER and not acting. Yet can their leadership be characterized as ‘beneficial’ or ‘destructive’ to those they lead? What IMPACT does that persons leadership have on others? Their families? Their teams? Their organizations? Their nation? The world?

Case in point: The holocaust. That particular leader was not ACTING. He was fully BEING in alignment with his personal beliefs, values, and character, however deluded they may have been. And many people followed him. As a result, there was a great deal of devastation and destruction that led to a world war. Again, please let me emphasize. He was not ACTING. He was BEING.

Here in America: We have had presidents that were revealed to have little to no INTEGRITY at all. Yet to this day, some people still consider to be GREAT leaders! As if all that it takes to be a great leader is to be effective in terms of foreign policy , a few financial issues, and a polished ORATOR. Delivering great speeches and excelling at talking shop at home and abroad does not mean GOOD leadership. A great salesman? Perhaps. However, they are not one and the same. A good leader can also be a great salesman. However, not every great salesman is a good leader.

This NATION doesn’t need another slick salesman selling swampland to the masses in order to further their own self-centered interests or image. It’s important that we learn how to discern the difference.

We need REAL leadership that is ABOUT the people and FOR the people!

That said, here is the big dilemma. As long as people remain divided on CORE VALUES, where truth and integrity are NOT central to leadership, the ‘head’ will always lead with various means of deception. If MONEY and GREED is more important then truth….if SELF-CENTERED INTERESTS are more important than truth, equity, and justice in the land…

We will not have SOUND or WISE leadership.

There is far more I can say on this topic, yet I should probably save those ideas and reflections for another post.

Self reflection: Am I bringing out the best or bringing out the worst in the people around me?

For me, this is what it all boils down to. We don’t really have much control over other leaders. Only ourselves. So this is a good question to explore for each and every one of us when it comes to our own leadership.

Am I bringing out the best or worst in the people around me?

In my family? Friends?

Co-workers?

The neighbors?

Strangers?

Or ANYONE who might look up to me?

This is one area where we DO have some power of authority over.

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1. How would you describe your current leadership style?

2. What impact has your leadership style/mindset had on those around you?

3. How open are you to feedback when it comes to your leadership?

4. Do you have at least ONE person in your life that you trust enough to be vulnerably honest with? And someone who has your best interests at heart?

5. What can we do together to help support one another in becoming better leaders at home, at work, and in our communities?

Yes, character/core values seem to be at the heart of much of our leadership issues across the board. For me, integrity/truth is the most important value, and yet we have created a culture where it can be challenging to be completely honest in different settings. This was one of the grey areas that was coming up for me last night in the middle of the chat and we could see being reflected in some of the responses from other members.

i.e. Sometimes a leader may need to act stronger then they may feel in order to maintain positive culture or to be ‘the rock’ during times of crisis.

There was just so much we could have covered! 🙂

Thanks again for presenting us with such a great topic that inspired me enough to write about! Would love to know what else came up for you and others during and following the chat on this topic.

Samantha…the summary of this chat is out of this world. I’m beyond words. We all need one person who brings out the best in us, one who can trust beyond all others that we can confide. To me, a leader must have someone in their corner they can always count on and be their own mentor as well. Thank you for this post and your contributions….I feel honored by you each day.

Thank you Jen. I couldn’t have shared what I did without the kick start in inspiration from your #bealeader chat and Dan’s topic for the week! 🙂

I also thank you for adding your insights to the discussion. (For the readers, I believe Jen’s insights are in response to Question #4 at the end of the post)

4. Do you have at least ONE person in your life that you trust enough to be vulnerably honest with? And someone who has your best interests at heart?

I wholeheartedly agree. Although I do believe in some ways many of us were initially ‘too’ conditioned to be other-centered at the expense of seeking our own internal guidance, we still do best when we have at least one other person that we can be completely vulnerable and honest with in our life. We still have those blind spots no matter how internally attuned we are. And there are simply occasions that it helps to have another persons insights and perspectives. No one is great at EVERYTHING. And that is why we need each other. A relationship like this can also help keep us grounded and accountable in all the areas that matter most.

Thanks again, Jen. I’m honored to know you and be part of the #bealeader community.

Samantha, I like all the questions in this blog. They are very thought provoking.

I also like the reference to that notorious leader of WWII; we often forget that leadership has a negative side. Your reference to values is important because different leaders have different values but they are still leaders. Also, if we continue the train of thought, we begin to realize that leadership is extremely subjective. What makes a good leader varies by person. There are no laws or rules governing leadership.

A question I ponder quite often is this: Is there a downside to leadership no matter how good the leader is?

I sometimes wonder if we treat leadership as some kind of nirvana state, an absolute good. Here are related questions:
1) Is it always a good thing to have a leader or leaders?
2) What happens to people when they have leaders as opposed to when they don’t?
3) What good does a leader provide an individual that he or she can’t get otherwise?
4) Why do people need leaders? What causes us to have leaders?

I believe your reference to a negative leader is important. Let’s face it, he was a leader. Now, we often discount it as bad leadership because he was a bad person, but is that the right way to approach the issue. Perhaps we should ask: What is the nature of leadership that allows bad people to become leaders? Just as we can learn much about the human body when it becomes ill, we can learn much about the true nature of leadership when bad people become leaders.

Nevertheless, your reference to a bad leader who believe in his values provokes a deeper dive into what leadership really is. Very good post, Samantha. Thank you for writing it.

Mike, thank you so much for providing such an insightful and thought-provoking comment. I love the additional questions and layers of perspective you’ve added to this rather ‘never-ending’ exploration on the topic of leadership! 🙂

Thank you for pointing out the idea that leadership is extremely subjective. It’s also merely a ‘label’ that we use to define not only a position, but a concept. An ‘idea’. One that means so many things to different people, as you indicated. Even beyond the concept of what we’ve shared here based on this post and other related posts, we are still limited to our own personal experiences and cultural/national viewpoints and biases. Those which do not take into consideration the values, customs, and beliefs of other cultures.

I also loved your question: A question I ponder quite often is this: Is there a downside to leadership no matter how good the leader is?

I’m not sure what your particular angle is that prompted the question. All’s I can say is the first ideas that popped into my head were the names of various leaders (and/or rather CHANGE AGENTS) all over the world that we consider to be ‘good’ leaders, and yet were assassinated. So from that perspective, I’d have to say YES! That’s a definite downside to being a good leader.

Beyond that, I also realized that regardless of how ‘good’ a leader may be, the idea of a ‘utopia’ is not anywhere near in our future. (one can still hope and dream…although I’m not so sure it should even be the GOAL…) Perhaps it is more realistic to think of leadership in terms of ‘evolution’. Are we satisfied with our current evolution of leadership as it stand now? Let’s look at ‘what is’. Is it working? If not, what are the possibilities? What new things can we try? How can we evolve in such a way that it has a positive impact on the majority?

I also loved the additional questions you presented. Very open-ended so it gives us all more to wonder about.

In reference to question #1: I have to say that for myself, no. I don’t believe it is always good to have a leader or leaders. Co-creation is an idea I like far more: whether that is in regards to marriage, education, committees, teams, etc. Yet I also realize that it’s only natural to have positions of authority all across the board: from CEO, to supervisor, teacher, police officer, to a parent.

As for this question you presented: What is the nature of leadership that allows bad people to become leaders?

This is such a GREAT question! I don’t believe I have a ‘full’ answer, nor is it even necessary….another good open-ended question to ponder…

However, I DO lean towards the idea that leadership begins at home. With our parenting. However, many parents do not consciously REALIZE they are ‘leaders’. I mean…they may not be a CEO of any companies. They may consider themselves to be of ‘low rank’ in their individual stations in life…and yet…they LEAD their children whether they are conscious of this ‘power’ or not. That has a long-term positive or negative impact on the life of a child. Which also becomes the foundation that child builds on when interacting with others in the world. Culture conditioning is also part of this shaping.

If we jump back to Hitler, from what I’ve read, he was abused horribly as a child. I’m certain that his upbringing played a major role in the formation of his values and beliefs when it came to ‘self-worth’ and the projection of the lack of it onto an entire nation of other people. Although to be fair, I can only consider this to be ‘speculation’ since I was not there. I did not know him personally…just merely piecing together what I can from written accounts during that time.

Thanks again for such a wonderful reply. I’ll be thinking about your questions for a long time. I’m sure. 🙂

Great questions and conversation all around. Do we create leaders because our society is conditioned to do so?

Or do we find an individual who is worthy of our support in a common cause and follow them because we know that for a group to reach a goal it is important to have a guide or leader who gives us a focal point?

Is leadership part of an evolutionary process that will continue to evolve into something else? I wonder what it will look like?

I think there is an important discintion in where “leadership” is bestowed. Authority is a token of power or position and can be given to someone by someone other than the follower. Leadership or leader is a title that can only be given, at the heart level, by the follower and only when the follower believes their life can be better as a result of doing so.

On this one, although I have no ‘definite’ answer, I tend to think of tribes and how natural it is to look towards someone who is perhaps considered to be the strongest, oldest, and wisest to ‘lead’ the tribe.

On a rather personal note, I also can’t deny some internal ‘instinct’ drives inside of myself being a widow. Although I’m ALL for ‘equality’ in terms of genders being considered as equally worthy in life; yet gifted differently. I can’t deny that I also miss the ‘strength’ of my husband now that he is gone. Perhaps that reveals some sort of innate ‘need’ for protection that the strength of the male gender provided literally and figuratively since time began. (humanly speaking of course! ) Although we’ve experienced quite a bit of gender confusion in this generation. Hopefully this will eventually level out a bit, but I digress…

As for leadership evolution, I WOULD like it to evolve to include more equal weight between genders. I also don’t necessarily mean that ….’oh…we NEED a female president.’ Simply more INCLUSION of the feminine so BOTH gender strengths and gifts combine when it comes to making decisions that impact large groups of people. Especially on a national level. Perhaps if more women were allowed to at least have more ‘voice’ in areas especially in regards to war, it might lend to a more well-rounded approach in terms of patience, negotiations, and problem-solving before we start pulling triggers in the world.

I know we have SOME females in government. We need more. Not a TAKE OVER, mind you! haha Simply more BALANCE.

Yes, I like the distinction you made in your last paragraph. Genuine leadership is really something that is earned. Regardless of title or position. Anyone can hold a title, however that title does not automatically guarantee love and respect. Leaders can and certainly have forced compliance. However, the love and respect of those they force to submit can never be acquired by such methods.

If a leader is SMART, he/she will want to earn the respect and loyalty of anyone they lead/serve. Everyone involved wins.

You know, I pondered on this for a bit when I first saw your comment and I thought, ‘Well, I’m sure we can come up with a TON of negative examples of leadership either from our own personal experience and/or public history. However, I’m not sure that is the most helpful beyond ‘here’s what NOT to do’. 🙂

So what about something like the IMPACT of leadership? As a whole. And what I mean by this is the power that is naturally tied to leadership positions. Since I mentioned parenting as the first ‘zone’ of leadership that children encounter first in life, it is a power of influence on a human life that has long lasting affects. This has direct influence over how a person will lead once they grow up and become adults – and have children of their own. Run a business. Lead in the military. Or become President of the country, etc.

It takes a great deal of work to overcome the adverse impact of ‘bad’ leadership. Conscious effort. When issues aren’t addressed, this is what enables ‘bad’ leadership to continue in our families, businesses, and as a country. Long-lasting impact.

I was thinking of the questions this generated – the negative impact leaders can have through their bad habits of leadership. I have a number of special guests coming into #bealeader in the next few weeks – but in October I have a slot open – would love to dive into that topic perhaps and get a little perspective on this subject.

Hi Samantha, thank you for your thought provoking post. I felt the challenge you had in writing it. Each topic threatened to veer off into a deep black hole, but you kept it contained nicely. 🙂

I would like to suggest one more question for self-reflection:

Am I bringing out the best or worst in me?

If leadership is about bringing out the best in the people around us, shouldn’t it also include me? Frankly, this exact question had never occurred to me before reading your post, so I’m interested in hearing what you and others think.

I believe true leadership starts with an inner decision to lead. In my own personal experience, it’s always been a decision to change something in the world. That feels a lot like bringing out the best in me and perhaps another way we can self reflect.

That’s an interesting question Bill! When I initially read your question, the first thing that came to mind was…’Well…if we are bringing out the best in others, doesn’t that automatically mean we are bringing out the best in ourselves?’

I had to sleep on it!

And you know, I would say that sometimes bringing out the best in others does NOT bring out the best in ourselves. Sometimes we can be too ‘other-centered’ at the expense of taking care of our own legitimate needs. So it really does take some awareness.

Something else that came up for me is this: even if we are practicing conscious awareness (to the best of our ability) we can still delude ourselves. Unless we have other people in our lives to help keep us accountable, how can we know if we are bringing out the best or worst in ourselves?

Great post. So wish I had not missed this chat. To me some “leaders” forget leadership is about people. Sales and profits are the results of the work of people. The great leaders also understand that leadership is not just one level deep. The person in front of them has others that are effected by what happens in their life. And decisions have many consequences.

Thanks Tom. Yes, that was when I was brand spankin’ new to the Twitter chat world! : )

You are so right. The impact of leadership extends way beyond those we are in direct contact with. A perfect example of this is in our own children. How we raise them as parents has a significant impact on them as people, and this will also impact how they will raise their own children. Even if they choose to parent differently or when they try hard not to make the same mistakes we made, our parenting is still impacting them.

It’s the same with leadership. Whoever holds the most power in an organization, impacts EVERY level in the hierarchy below them. Another example would be the military. If those in command make a poor decision, it can result in the loss of many lives on the battlefield. Which creates widows/widowers and fatherless/motherless children.

That’s the tough part about leadership. Not always knowing or being able to predict the consequences. Sometimes we need to act without knowing or understanding all the variables.