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Friday, September 19, 2014

Social Media – Adjusting My Settings

This week I have been mulling over the role social media
plays in daily life. I don’t mean the silly quizzes that we all take….even if
we don’t admit to taking them. I don’t mean the oddly addicting games…..or the
sensationalized fake new stories. What
do I share? How do I share it? What do I learn?

This week I had an issue with a local businessman who has
very poor customer service and a bad attitude towards customers. Without listing specifically who or getting into
the specifics of why, I posted asking for some recommendations for alternate
providers. Within an hour, I had more
than enough recommendations and info. I’d
also called all the alternative service choices. I posted the costs I’d found in the comments
and several other people replied that they were making the switch too. Without openly trashing the local business, I’d
affected a change in my own life, saved money, and helped several more
customers find company that will hopefully treat us better and not take for
granted that being a local business means that the locals will just blindly
stay with you out of loyalty. My post was set so that only Friends could see it….not
Friends of Friends.

Later that day, I got a friend request from the local businessman….and
it quickly disappeared. I’m assuming he’d
been looking at my FB page to see if I’d posted anything about him. When he couldn’t get information that way, he
had a friend of a friend contact me to ask me what was going on…..at least I’m
assuming that’s what the “random” question out of nowhere was from someone I
don’t talk to that much was. I was just straightforward
and factual saying that towards me, the customer service had been poor and that
he didn’t seem to appreciate the customers he had very much. I worked hard to answer truthfully without
trashing him to his friend……knowing full well that the mutual friend would be
reporting back.

Several weeks ago, I saw a person who had had a bad
experience with a local business publicly flame them and trash them. It is a business that I do business with….and
I like and respect the owner. It was
hard to see negative comments about something I support. But, rather than get into an argument with
that person on the negative post, I posted positive comments and a groupon on my own wall,
and changed who could see those particular posts to exclude the person who was on
a trash and burn mission. We have mutual
friends in common. Several of my FB friends chose to give the local business
some new business. Maybe some left
because of the flaming….though I don’t think so. But, I know some joined because of the
positive comments and groupon.

Another thing I saw this week was an ex-spouse post an open
letter to the other ex. It was a train
wreck waiting to happen. The original
poster felt that posting it was “fine” because it was about feelings…..which
should make it all OK. The poster had it
set so that friends-of-friends could see it.
Friends of mine noted the debate going on when I offered the VERY
unpopular onion that it wasn’t an appropriate way to share feelings of this
sort. The original poster…and supporters….
maintained that it was OK to post negative comments that should be private
because it was all “feelings.” Inevitably, the other shoe dropped and the other
ex got wind of it and responded heavily. The train wreck happened…..with the original
poster crying….SEE how I get treated?????

I went through my own VERY traumatic situation with my older
child. During that time period, I kept
most if not all of the situation to myself.
I talked to my close friends and my family. We never sat next to each other at soccer
games or school plays…..and we had separate but equal meetings during teacher
conference week. But, we never put the
laundry out to air in our community.
Most people always commented and complimented how well we got
along. They never saw the behind doors
nasty emails and phone calls. The
custody suit that dragged on. The
lawyers. The mediators. I kept to myself that they even had the gall
to file for custody (which they lost).

Watching this interaction made me question…..what WOULD I
have done had social media available when I went through that with my
child. My sisters tease me that I post
too much. Some days, that is true. But,
would I have posted about the deeply private situation and the mess we lived
through??? Could I really have walked
the talk that I’d just preached to my FB acquaintance????

I spent some time yesterday talking about that with my
husband and he reaffirmed for me that…..No….I wouldn’t have posted inflammatory
statements and barbs and jibes. I would
have done just what I did…..limit the conversation and the info to a few close
friends and keep the private stuff just that…..private.

But, what is private?
How do we adjust our settings….internal and external…to limit what we
share? That’s something each person has to figure out and decide Every person
makes their own choices and no one setting is right for everyone.

In-person conversations, when meaning and intent are clear,
I’ll tell you most anything you’d like to ask about. In a private email or FB message…..maybe a
little less. It’s too easy for tone to be
misread. Also, it’s very easy for someone to use the written words accidentally
in a way that you don’t intend them to be used.
On my FB wall…..even less. I will
post about day to day stuff…..but I’m not going to get into the fight I had
with my husband last week. He deserves
more from me than that (and no….we didn’t actually have a fight last
week.)

Those are my settings for social media. I may slip up every now and again, and I will
probably always be changing and adjusting them.

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About Me

I'm a happily married work-at-home mom with 2 boys...7 and 20. I am working to get rid of "things" in our life. I feel too held down by stuff. I also want to live more simply...by doing more for my family. My passions (outside of my family) are knitting and reading. After growing up in a family of all girls, I have lost the estrogen battle. It's me and the 2 cats against the 3 men and the dog. Follow me on Pintrest!