Men Are Damaging Themselves and Those They Love by Not Opening Up

What would it look like if men were completely honest?

Life is a constant teaching moment, rather than a series broken up by the otherwise mundane daily tasks at hand. And while people may think they have a handle on all the aspects of their world, very few actually do. Most are one bad decision from disaster, one missed paycheck from being on the streets, one lie away from loneliness.

And while it is said that everyone has secrets, should they? Is that the best way to live life to the fullest?

Men, more so than women, have a terrible habit of closing off or shutting down when they have a problem. Instead, what men should be should be doing is opening up, speaking openly and honestly, and asking for help when they need it. When men fail to do this the situation has a tendency to escalate rather than resolve itself.

Why is that?

One school of thought is that it is due to the broad band of nerves connecting the two hemispheres of the brain, the Corpus Callosum. This part of the brain is much larger in women than in men, and it’s theorized that this is why men can more easily separate emotion from their thought processes.

And while the science is there to support the physiology, that doesn’t paint the entire picture. The fact that men have a smaller Corpus Callosum can’t be creating one hundred percent of the problem. Men often “suffered in silence” and fight to keep issues private, and while it may also be true that society conditions our young men to ‘man up’ that still doesn’t account for all the behavior either. Men have to be accountable and give credit where it’s due.

Simply, men are the culprits.

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Men have made a conscious decision to close off their emotions…and then kept doing it time and time again. But here’s why the blame needs to be on men instead of solely physiology or societal conditioning factors: men are becoming increasingly aware that there is a problem and there’s nothing stopping them from correcting it. It’s time to get to work on the problem instead of waiting for someone really smart to come along and science the shit out of the situation.

But here’s the other thing, and this is where societal conditioning comes into play. Often times men don’t know how to open up and live an honest life. It’s not something that has been an intimate part of their lives up to this point. They often didn’t have male role models who exhibited this type of behavior. In fact, often times, their male role models would exhibit much the opposite: they’d come home with a new car without discussing it with the family, they’d make household decisions without conversing about it, and more importantly, they didn’t view their significant others as equal teammates in the relationship. But, much like learning to write, we can practice, and through time and effort develop a skill we previously didn’t possess. If you’re visiting this page or taking the time to read this article, hopefully, you’re willing to admit fault, because otherwise, without admission it’s impossible to take the next step toward being a better man.

#WordsThatMatter

Weekly Pursuit of Happiness
I am going to make a concerted effort to be more open and honest every single day, with every person I encounter, but especially those I am close to.

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About Dustin "Doc" Lehmann

Dustin Lehmann is a combat veteran of both Iraq and Afghanistan. After receiving his Honorable Discharge from the United States Army, he went on to obtain an undergraduate degree in American Literature and Economics. While completing his undergraduate work, he deployed twice more as a private contractor.

Next, he went on to complete his Juris Doctorate at the University of Cincinnati.

Dustin serves as the CEO of Risers Consulting and Founder of The Leadership Group (TLG), which seeks to further education around masculinity, safety, equality, bullying, and identity.

Dustin one day hopes that the preconceived notions about what it means “to be a man” are torn down and in its place arises a new concept of what it means to be a person. He is responsible for the development of TLG’s "We’re All Green", a mentoring program developed by Veterans for Veterans that aims to make the transition from soldier to student easier. In addition to his work with Veterans, he has worked with fraternal communities on several campuses including the University of Cincinnati and Purdue.

When Dustin isn't out working, he enjoys spending time with his dogs, reading anything with a Marvel or DC stamp on it, and playing as much golf as possible.
You can also follow Dustin here.