Sunday, January 31, 2010

The Punisher is about burly man, with a skull printed on his shirt, who punishes people. He makes people sit in the corner to think about what they’ve done. He washes mouths out with soap. He also sends people to bed without any dessert.

Okay, he actually carries around a big gun and murders villains. Don’t let him catch you staying up past your bedtime!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Secret Six is a comic about a group of bad guys. Even though Ash has spoken extensively about this title, I can’t recall a whole lot about it. I remember that there is a contortionist with a lot of family issues. His name might be Rag Doll, and I guess he comes from a family of contortionists with the same name. I’m pretty sure that one of the Rag Dolls broke all of his bones in order to live up to the family expectations. There’s also Cat-Man, who is a guy who wears a cat suit. I’m sorry, but I just can’t remember the other four members.

Friday, January 29, 2010

First of all, Pete Doree from the Bronze Age of Blogs confessed his undying love for me in the comments section about his entry a Kiss comic. He also has a link to my blog on his page, which is awesome.

Geek to Me had an article that posed the question, “So you’re dating a fanboy?” The author found my survival tips for visiting the comic book store entertaining. Unfortunately, I was accused of becoming a fangirl! I don’t buy or collect these nerdy things, nor do I dress up like superheroes. This blog is a cathartic practice for me to help me keep my sanity. Yes, I have my occasional nerd-indulgences, but I haven’t crossed that line!

Joe, from Forbidden Planet International, agreed with me about the strange proportions of women on comic book covers. He also pointed out that the proportions are similar to the covers of women’s magazines. This is probably why I don’t read magazines targeted towards women.

The show Dead Like Me wasn’t nearly as bad as some of the other shows my husband likes; however, the Dead Like Me movie (Life after Death) was pretty terrible. It always annoys me when actors are replaced, and this movie couldn’t get the whole original cast. The boss reaper from the TV show was replaced with a different character, which was better than having another actor try to fulfill the role. Unfortunately, the slutty reaper was replaced by a different actress, and it was pretty bad. I didn’t care for that character in the first place, but she was even more boring and irritating in the movie.

I honestly don’t even remember what the movie was about it was so disappointing. At the very least, it made me appreciate the show a little bit more.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Many times, the artist who designs the cover for a comic is different from the artist who illustrates the book itself. Cover artists are supposed to make eye-catching and dynamic covers in order to grab potential customers’ attention. Usually, they draw the women in provocative poses with enormous chests. The men are often shown with rippling muscles and punching things. Cover artists take liberties with the characters they draw and don’t have to make them match what the characters look like in the books.

Cover artists don’t even have to draw characters that are in the issue. For example, in issue 3 of Blackest Night Tales of the Corps, the cover artist showed two scantily clad and busty women fighting a muscle-bound red monster. I couldn’t locate any of those characters in the book at all. I actually didn’t see any females in the book until the second story, and they looked like teenagers.

My question is how soon before comic book cover artists only start drawing pairs of boobs in order sell the books?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Like the evil uncle in Aladdin, Marvel is trying to get comic book stores to trade in their old comics for a new one. Except in Aladdin’s story, the deal seemed like a good idea. Who wouldn’t be tempted to trade an old beat up lamp for a new one?

Marvel seems to be sulking at the success of DC’s Blackest Night series, and they want shop owners to rip off the covers of unsold Blackest Night comics to trade in for a variant cover of one of their comics. I don’t know what marketing genius thought of that idea, but who is going to rip up 50 comics to exchange for one comic that only has a different cover than the one readily available? Ash showed me a picture of it, and it’s for the Deadpool title. It is a drawing of Deadpool flanked by two hoochie-mamas who practiced foot binding. It’s not even that interesting of a picture.

Perhaps there is something more to the Blackest Night covers? Maybe Marvel is planning to make a papier-mâché lamp out of the covers, rub it, and then unleash a genie into the multiverse!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Years ago, Ash bought the book Live from New York, which chronicles the history of Saturday Night Live. When he watches the old episodes of SNL, he’ll give his own commentary. He points out the episode when Bill Murray hit Chevy Chase. He explains why everyone is wearing adhesive bandages. He shares that Jane Curtain didn’t hang out with the other cast members because she had a husband and dog. I bet he secretly hopes that when they publish an updated version of this book he’ll get to write the forward.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Crow T. Robot is a small, gold robot that lived on the Satellite of Love in the show Mystery Science Theater 3000. He gets the Fanboy Wife Seal of Approval because he makes fun of terrible science fiction movies and his full name is Crow The Robot.

Crow was originally voiced by Trace Beaulieu, who also played the evil Dr. Clayton Forrester. Crow is known for his wit, love of “sammiches,” and his bowling pin beak. He didn’t always make the smartest decisions, but he was usually hilarious! After Trace left the show, Bill Corbett, who played Observer, took over for the voice. When Bill was Crow, his temper got a lot shorter, but I still think he was funny.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Nothing pleases me more (and irks my husband) than discovering that actual fanboys read my blog. It’s a nice ego boost for me. Actually, I just get a kick whenever I get a new follower or when people comment on my posts. So, to return that warm, fuzzy feeling, please post links to your blogs in the comments section today! I always try to visit my readers’ blogs, and this will make it easier for me.

In issue 98 of Superboy, Ultra Boy comes to Smallville. He has many powers, but his flaw is that he can only use one power at a time. He also doesn’t have x-ray vision, it was called “penetra-vision.”

Instead of telling me about this issue, Ash just showed me the cover, which depicts Ultra Boy and Superboy using their super-vision to see through each other’s clothing. My husband insisted that if they were really teenage boys with x-ray vision they would be looking at Lana Lang!

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Legion of Superheroes is just infatuated with Superboy, and they have a planet in his honor; however, the Legionnaires imprison Superboy in a Kryptonite painted cage. They were playing with their time machine and saw Superboy destroy a train, and so they decided that Superboy was evil and had to be locked up before he committed this crime. I guess they forgot that Superboy grew up to become Superman, who they adore.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Even though Superman is apparently the sole survivor from the extinct planet Krypton, there are a bunch of pets that survived as well as Superman’s cousin. Superman’s cousin has actually gone through various incarnations and has various names. One version of her is Supergirl, but there’s also Power Girl. The Supergirl character has changed quite a bit over the years though, including her name. At first, her name was Linda Lee, and she lived in an orphanage. Someone decided that was pretty terrible to have Linda Lee living in an orphanage while Superman lived a more comfortable life, so she was adopted by the Danvers family.

So, Linda Lee Danvers lives in Midvale, and her secret identity is Supergirl. At least she’s a little cleverer than Superman because she wears a brunette wig when she’s pretending to be human. When she is superhero-suited-up, her hair is blonde. It’s not a fantastic disguise, but it’s a step up from glasses.

Anyway, Supergirl decides that her cousin is too lonely and needs a girlfriend. She decides to go back in time to try to set Superman up with Helen of Troy because she never learned about the Trojan War. Obviously, this match did not work, so Supergirl and Superman leave ancient Greece. Then, Supergirl gets Superman to go out with Saturn Girl. Unfortunately, Saturn Girl and Supergirl look exactly the same, so there are a few panels where it looks like Superman is making out with his own cousin. The date doesn’t end well though, because Lightning Lad is in love with Saturn Girl.

Supergirl tries to play matchmaker one last time. She tells Superman that there is a duplicate of herself named Luma Lynai, who is Superwoman. Even though Superman and Supergirl are related, I guess the duplicate isn’t a relative because Superman decides to see Superwoman. Either that, or incest wasn’t a taboo on Krypton. Anyway, Superman falls in love with Superwoman, but it’s not meant to be. Superman needs a yellow sun to give him strength, and Superwoman needs a blue sun for her powers.

The story ends, according to my husband, when “Supergirl apologizes to Superman for being such a little bitch and goes home and cries.”

The story begins with Lex Luther in jail, and he steals radio parts to send a message into the future. Of course, he sends the message 1000 years in the future to the Legion of Super-Villains. This Legion’s members are all related to the regular Legionnaires. Lightning Lord is Lightning Lad’s evil older brother, Cosmic King is related to someone named Cosmic Boy, and Saturn Queen is Saturn Girl’s malicious older sister.

What’s unusual about Saturn Queen is that she’s the only one from Saturn that’s mean. (Didn’t you know that there are aliens living on Saturn, and they’re all very nice?) Superman figures out that there is something in Saturn’s rings that makes all of its inhabitants good. So, he borrowed Claes Oldenburg’s giant spoon and scooped up a bunch of Saturn’s rings to help turn Saturn Queen nice again.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Ash hates the Legion of Super-Pets story, so perhaps he’s not a hopeless case. Even though Superboy/Superman/Clark Kent was supposedly the only survivor from his planet, a menagerie of animals managed to make it to Earth as well. There’s Krypto, the Superdog, who is a Superman’s best friend. There’s also Supercat, Superhorse, and Supermonkey. Apparently the monkey stowed away on the spaceship with Superbaby Clark Kent. I guess there was room for a monkey, but not his own mother.

Anyway, the story in the Legion of Superheroes Archives Volume 1 begins with giant, evil, floating brains. The brains attack the planet, and they can control human brains. The big brains can’t control animal brains, which means that the Super-Pets are able to save the day.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ash, my live-in-fanboy, is currently reading the Legion of Super-Heroes Archive Volume 1. This, of course, means that I get to hear a lot about the Legion. Since misery loves company, this week is going to be Legion Week!

First of all, I’m going to make fun of the cover of the Legion of Super-Heroes Archive Volume 1. It looks like the heroes on the edge have dorky little capes that are blowing straight up in the air. (Apparently, that shape behind them is the Legion Clubhouse.)

The Legion first appeared in 1958 in a story about Superboy, who is Superman as a kid. The Legion members reveal to Superboy that they are superheroes from 1000 years in the future. So, they’re from the year 2958. Since all of the Superman franchise comics are supposed to take place in the current year, the Legion is now from the year 3010. Next year they’ll be from 3011, and so on and so forth.

The Legion of Super-Heroes has many members with strange powers, including Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl. Every year, the Legion accepts one new member, and they want to induct Superboy. They bring Superboy to the future, and they act like the Legion of Super-Douches to him. They make him take many tests to see if he should be in the group, but every time the challenge begins he has to run off and save someone, so he never gets to show off his skills. The Super-Douches then tell little Superboy that he’s not good enough to be a Legion member, and they make him cry! Then, they tell him it was all part of the hazing and let him join.

After Superboy is part of the Legion, the stories unfold. One of the most popular themes includes Legion-traitors. There are also a lot of robots and time-traveling because those stories sold well. The Legion also has life sized statues of themselves in their clubhouse because they're egomaniacs and it helps keep their names straight since there are so many of them!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Oh, Bruce Campbell, you are so dreamy, even when you’re in bad movies. Then again, has Bruce ever been in a “good” movie?

Anyway, My Name is Bruce is a very cheesy Bruce Campbell movie. Even though the DVD came with a mini-comic book, my husband bought the full sized comic that narrates the film. I actually read the comic before I saw the movie, and it was okay.

The story is about how some teenagers accidentally release a Chinese demon named Guan-di. One of the teenagers is completely obsessed with Bruce Campbell, and he asks Bruce for help. Bruce, the character, is a poor slob and a coward. When Bruce shows up, he is confused and thinks it’s a movie, but when he realizes it’s real he tries to hightail it out of town. However, he has a change of heart and returns to town to save the day.

Friday, January 15, 2010

So, I bought my husband the fifth season of Saturday Night Live because he asked so nicely. In exchange for the gift, I get to complain about it.

Ash really likes this season because he said it’s “the Billy Murray show” since Dan Akryod and John Belushi quit the show. Since Ash is such a huge nerd, he watched the entire series pretty much non-stop. (We don’t have cable, so there is never anything to watch on TV.) Fortunately for me, I got to miss out on a lot of the fun and Ash watched most of it alone.

In addition to the extra dosage of Bill Murray, Ash enjoyed this season a lot. He really liked the musical performances by the B-52s and David Bowie, which he insisted I watch. I knew that the B-52s were odd, but I wasn’t prepared for David Bowie. At one point, Bowie wore a green screen suit with the body of a marionette-style puppet attached to it so it looked like a weird puppet dancing around with Bowie’s giant head on it. The part that fascinated Ash the most was the two backup vocalists. They both worse dress, but one man was completely in red and the other was in black. Ash now wants two men dressed in red and black to follow him around at all times to sing with him.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

How many cartoon movies about superheroes does a grown man need? My answer would be zero, but my husband has other ideas. Superman Doomsday is yet another animated movie created by DC Comics. It tells the story about how Superman dies, but it’s no big deal because superheroes don’t stay dead forever anyway.

My husband likes this movie because the guy who played Spike on Buffy the Vampire Slayer did one of the voices. It also came in one of those cheesy holographic covers that changes depending on the viewer’s angle. Also, let’s not forget about the hours of bonus features!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Kevin Smith keeps making these movies of him gabbing for a few hours, and my husband keeps buying them. Sold Out: A Threevening with Kevin Smith is yet another video of him wearing shorts with an overcoat telling his life stories to entertainment-starved fanboys, geeks, and dorks. This two disc set has over five hours of Kevin Smith. That’s a lot of Kevin Smith. That’s a lot more Kevin Smith than any normal person needs.

Monday, January 11, 2010

The first comic I remember reading when I was a kid was Calvin and Hobbes. Someone gave me a Calvin and Hobbes book, which I thought was hilarious. I could relate to Calvin because I used to make very unusual snowmen too.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Because my husband orders a lot of his comics, he gets a big box monthly full of nerd-tastic books and issues. Before Ash had a chance to open this month’s order, I tried my best to persuade him from opening it and covering our house in comics.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

For the holidays, I bought my nerd-in-residence the X-Factor Overtime book. It was one of his many requests, but I thought it was a safe gift since he didn’t ask for 10 other books in an X-Factor series. I have no idea what it’s about because I don’t think Ash has had a chance to read it yet since I haven’t heard his lecture about it. I think it has something to do with X-Men in the future.

Friday, January 8, 2010

If you want to talk about the art in comic books and be taken seriously, try other descriptions other than the art is “really cool” or “totally sucks.” That doesn’t tell the listener anything. In fact, the listener is probably going to dismiss your other critiques based on your lack of description and objectivity.

Here are a few pointers on talking about fine art, which can be applied to comics as well since it is a visual medium.

Describe the artwork first. Use the Visual Elements (point, line, shape and form, texture, time, light and value, mass, and color) to describe the basic components of the art. For example, you could say, “The artist used bright primary colors,” or “The artist varied the line weight in his/her illustrations.” The Design Principles (balance, directional force, proportion, variety and unity, emphasis and subordination, rhythm, perspective, and relationship to the environment) are used to describe how the Visual Elements are put together. For example, “The artist did not use realistic proportions whatsoever when drawing people,” or, “The layout of the page was unbalanced – the left side was visually heavier.”

Next, talk about the background of the artwork. When was it made and under what circumstances? How does the artist’s background fit into this? If you know what the artist is trying to say, this is the time to share it.

Finally, you can share you informed preference. Is it aesthetically pleasing? Say if think the art in the comic was a success or failure, but be prepared to share why you have this opinion. Then, you can say if you personally like the artwork or not.

This really isn’t that hard. Following these steps will make you sound a little bit more intelligent. Perhaps your listeners will see you as a credible source of information, including the reluctant listeners who are married to fanboys who download your podcasts.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Ash and would sometimes catch old episodes of Star Trek late at night/early in the morning a few years ago. Since we only have one television, this means that I would sometimes catch old episodes of Star Trek late at night/early in the morning as well. Honestly, that was enough William Shatner for me. Unfortunately for me, my husband has a higher Shatner-tolerance level. He felt the need to buy the show on DVD in the special plastic case.

The first season has ten DVDs of Shat-tastic entertainment. Instead of a little book for an episode guide, the boxed set came with futuristic plastic cards that I’m not allowed to use as coasters. William Shatner is, of course, Captain James Tiberius Kirk. Except, I remember in an early episode there was a tombstone for Kirk, and he had a different middle initial. Personally, I don’t know why he was named after Caligula’s grandfather. Then again, Kirk shows his affinity for debauchery ever now and then, so I guess it makes sense. Even though Kirk had to support the “Prime Directive,” it was perfectly okay for him to hit on alien ladies.

Leonard Nimoy was Spock, who was half human and half Vulcan. That means he had pointy ears, an attraction for eye shadow, and no sense of humor. He was always at ends with DeForest Kelly’s character Bones. Bones always said, “Damn it, Jim. I’m a Doctor, not a [whatever he didn’t want to do]…” Nichelle Nichols was Uhura and George Takei was Sulu. There was also a Scotsman named Scotty, and a Russian named Rushy. The first season chronicled the crew travelling through space so Kirk could date aliens, Spock could point out how illogical everything was, and so the crew could intervene in the development of extraterrestrial civilizations.

Ash had me watch this movie with him, and the one thing that stood out the most was that the superheroes’ eyebrows were on the outside of their masks. I thought most of them were super strong, fast, and could fly, but apparently the masked ones have magical eyebrows too! I also recall the movie being very long because it had to chronicle Wonder Woman’s killing spree in Asia, the Green Lantern’s origin, Batman’s brooding, and the Flash’s escape from a government trap. There’s also a depressed Martian. If I remember the end correctly, all of the superheroes have to fight dinosaurs in the end. I’m pretty sure they won too.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Back when Ash and I used to have cable, Ash used to watch a lot of shows on the Sci-Fi Channel. (It wasn’t the “Syfy Channel” back then because the owners still knew how to spell.) One of the shows that Ash became addicted to was Dead Like Me. He now owns the entire series on DVD because of his fanboyitis.

Dead Like Me is about a girl who was killed by a toilet seat from space. She becomes a grim reaper, and she is obligated to reap the souls of those who are about to die. She works with a few other reapers, and they have their own disturbing little family. There’s the boss reaper, who insists that they always eat waffles together too, and he’s the father figure. There’s the older sister-type character, who only lasted a few episodes. She was replaced by the slutty reaper, who the drug abuser reaper loves. There’s also a reaper who is a cop by day. Unfortunately for toilet seat girl, reapers don’t get paid so she has to have a terrible office job too. Her office life provides some interesting contrast to all the death, but it is equally as disturbing.

Fortunately, Dead Like Me only lasted two seasons so it doesn’t invade my shelves like some other TV shows my husband has accumulated.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Fantastic Four is a superhero team that got their powers when they were in space. It was radiation or something terrible, but instead of killing the characters, they became superheroes. Their powers are based on the four elements of earth, air, fire, and water.

The main scientist became all stretchy, so he flows like water. The scientist’s wife represents air because she can turn invisible. Her brother has the power to spontaneously combust, so guess what he represents. Finally, the Thing is a big, chunky guy who is made out of rock; he represents earth. The first three superheroes look like regular people when they’re not using their powers; however, the Thing cannot change his appearance. He is hideous all the time and suffers from loneliness. Perhaps he could visit a museum, find a nice stone statue he likes, pray to Venus like Pygmalion did, and then get his own rocky wife?

Friday, January 1, 2010

To help encourage my husband to put away his comics, I will flip through them and make fun of them. This really annoys him if he hasn’t had a chance to read them. Recently, I saw that he had a book lying on the table that had “Isis” in the title, which interested me. I know a lot about ancient Egypt, and I even spent some time in college in Egypt to research the Goddess Ma’at. However, I wasn’t expecting a lot from this comic because I have seen Hawkman (his head’s a hawk) and the Blue Beatle.

Anyone who has watched the History Channel or seen a National Geographic magazine knows that Isis is an ancient Egyptian Goddess. Isis is actually the name the Greeks gave her; to the Egyptians she was known as Aset. Aset was one of the most powerful of the Deities, and she was one of the last Goddesses worshipped in Egypt before Christians closed the temples. She is still worshipped by many Pagans in modern times.

Aset is the queen mother, and she married her brother Wesir, who was known as Osiris to the Greeks. One of the best known stories about Aset and Wesir is set in early Egyptian history. According to the Egyptians, Wesir was the pharaoh, and he was murdered by his jealous brother who stole the crown. Aset was magical and managed to bring her husband back to life twice, and she had to protect her son, the rightful heir to the throne.

Apparently comic book creators don’t know the first thing about Egyptian mythology or they don’t care. When I opened this book, I found that Isis wasn’t represented as a powerful character. Instead, I found a pseudo-Egyptian cheerleader in exaggerated Roman scandals. Instead of doing any research about ancient Egyptian clothing, the artist based his drawing on one of those terrible “sexy Cleopatra” Halloween costumes. I know that the book was written for entertainment, but would it kill these guys to put forth a little bit of effort? I’m pretty sure they have a public library nearby with a few books about ancient Egypt. Can anyone who actually knows a little bit about ancient Egypt actually enjoy these books?