HELP!! My 2 1/2 year old won't share with her twin sisters!

Marcy - posted on 05/17/2011
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Every time one of the twins, goes near any of the toys or even near her, Emma has a fit and starts to punch and kick them. She doesnt have this problem with other children, she only does it with her sisters. I know it is an attention/jelousey thing but I dont know how to correct it. Any suggestions?

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Kristen - posted on 05/22/2011

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MY 21/2 yr old is the same way with her 11 month old twin sisters. Everything they have she wants. I just tell her to give them about 2 monutes and they wont wan it anyway or to see if they will trade with her. BUt i always tell her to give them a toy she is playing with after a few minutes. Its so hard with the 3 wanting the same things.

She is technically still a baby. She won't learn to share until she is older. I was literally on the floor with my kids all the time to prevent fights and scratches. There are a few things you can do: mark the toys and explain how these belong to who. We used X and O since they recognized those when were very young. They picked the signs, we scratched them on the bottom of each toy. Some had no marks, those were to be shared.

time out the toys. Use distraction. Use gates to separate kids for uninterrupted play.

Use language, if she is not verbal yet, help her express what she wants to say for her. And for both actually if there is an altercation. You want that toy, she had it first. Let's wait until she is finished with it, give her 5 minutes. Let's play with something else until then. Ask the one who had the toy first, can you give it to your sister in 5 minutes? The timing doesn't matter, they don't know time. You pick whatever length is manageable. I would strive to get one to give up the toy and the other to wait so whenever I could get to that point was OK. If one could wait longer that's fine, if the other could be distracted with something else, whatever works. But you are pretty much there between them until they learn it.

Use puppets to play out and demonstrate what they are supposed to do. You can read books with pictures also to demonstrate and use words. We are still working on sharing at 6. They need reminders when they are tired. Even adults sometimes lose patience and want to be left alone. Kids are locked up all the time. I understand this could be frustrating. I imagined how I would be if I had to spend every single minute with my husband who is interested in something else, wants to do something else and I would have to follow and conform all the time. Even adults have the opportunity for private moments. Kids don't have that.

It also depends on the kids' temperament. I I have a hard time imagining that she has no problem with other kids. Unless the other kids leave her alone and don't want to play with her toys. If it is really how it is, they need one on one special times with parents so they can be themselves without always trying to figure out their place in the pack. Is it possible she is just more outspoken and will speak up for what she wants? Not seeing their interaction it is hard to give ideas but I hope some of this is helpful.