The right way to fight with your significant other

"The single greatest barrier to conflict resolution is ... a divisive mindset," says author and professor Daniel Shapiro. (anzeletti/Getty Images)

A fact of life — and love: All couples fight. A lot. About the same things. Money, sex, politics, kids, you name it. Over. And over. But here's the thing, there's an upside to conflict since it's a way to share perspectives. So say experts on the subject, who also agree that the question isn't what we fight about — but HOW we deal with differences. Here are five things couples who fight successfully know:

* They are in it together — "The single greatest barrier to conflict resolution is ... a divisive mindset that cast you and the other side as inevitable adversaries," notes Harvard professor Daniel Shapiro in his book, "Negotiating the Nonnegotiable," a how-to tome on resolving emotionally charged conflicts. "As long as you think like that, you'll be trapped in conflict," he told the Daily News. "It's not me versus you. It's us versus the issue."

* Stay focused — Fighting can whip up so many feels it can make you dizzy. "It's easy to get lost in defensive feelings instead of addressing the concrete issues at the heart of the conflict," said Shapiro. Don't bring up old issues. It's counterproductive.

If there are any hurt feelings or emotional bruises, it's important to resolve that. (Wavebreakmedia/Getty Images/iStockphoto)

* Keep it private — That doesn't just mean not being the Bickersons who argue in the restaurant and ruin their dinner — and yours. It also means being private within the family. In other words, not in front of the children!

* Close the loop — If there are any hurt feelings or emotional bruises, it's important to close the loop. Don't let the feels fester.