stay at home dad advice

So we are thinking of having my dh stay home with the kids instead of me. I work per diem and could easily transition to full time. Dh hates his job, he's gone 13 hours a day 2 hrs being commute time for 2 years now. He only takes home 130 a week after work related expenses. I make $200 a day. he is depressed because he feels he is not contributing to our family, I stay home with the kids, and pay all the bills except his credit card, cable and electricity. (which I usually give him some cause his pay doesn't even cover that) By the time he gets home he is physically and emotionally drained. So my 1st question is when he is a stay at home dad will he feel like he's not contributing and be depressed? (I would know he would be contributing by being with the kids but I've never been in those shoes) second is I have a stepson that I'm home with all the time but he never sees due to work, he pays daycare but the mother let's me keep him home. (she likes control) would the court system allow him to take him out of daycare and watch him instead? (we were thinking getting him in preschool 2 days a week for the social part if this does happen) I'm really desperate for advice, thank you ahead of time.

So we are thinking of having my dh stay home with the kids instead of me. I work per diem and could easily transition to full time. Dh hates his job, he's gone 13 hours a day 2 hrs being commute time for 2 years now. He only takes home 130 a week after work related expenses. I make $200 a day. he is depressed because he feels he is not contributing to our family, I stay home with the kids, and pay all the bills except his credit card, cable and electricity. (which I usually give him some cause his pay doesn't even cover that) By the time he gets home he is physically and emotionally drained. So my 1st question is when he is a stay at home dad will he feel like he's not contributing and be depressed? (I would know he would be contributing by being with the kids but I've never been in those shoes) second is I have a stepson that I'm home with all the time but he never sees due to work, he pays daycare but the mother let's me keep him home. (she likes control) would the court system allow him to take him out of daycare and watch him instead? (we were thinking getting him in preschool 2 days a week for the social part if this does happen) I'm really desperate for advice, thank you ahead of time.

Good for him for being willing to stay home! I'm not a SAH dad, so I can't address most of your questions, but with regard to his son staying home with him, I can't imagine a judge taking issue with that...

Good luck to him (and you)!

Good for him for being willing to stay home! I'm not a SAH dad, so I can't address most of your questions, but with regard to his son staying home with him, I can't imagine a judge taking issue with that...

Thanks lawhog, I just really want this to work out cause its what he wants. But I'm afraid he will feel worse if he has no money to contribute.(I was on bedrest and didn't have any money to put in towards bills and got severely depressed. I just felt useless and I don't want him to learn the hard way that he is like me) it was actually him that brought it up. He is really a family guy and wants to be raising his kids more than he is. He's been asking for a while (he wants to go to school online too). It just never seemed like it could possibly workout until now.

Thanks lawhog, I just really want this to work out cause its what he wants. But I'm afraid he will feel worse if he has no money to contribute.(I was on bedrest and didn't have any money to put in towards bills and got severely depressed. I just felt useless and I don't want him to learn the hard way that he is like me) it was actually him that brought it up. He is really a family guy and wants to be raising his kids more than he is. He's been asking for a while (he wants to go to school online too). It just never seemed like it could possibly workout until now.

I'm not a dad, but I am a SAH mom and while it may be different for some men, I have always felt like I contribute. Just not financially (of course!). I make sure that my husband and older son have lunch made and packed, clean clothes, clean house, and dinner every night. The lawn is mowed, dog poo cleaned up, sheets changed at least weekly and make sure our 2 yr old survives the day. You get the idea! Anyway, I think that as long as he feels appreciated and knows that while his job doesn't pay in money, it pays in the lives of your kids and you!

I'm not a dad, but I am a SAH mom and while it may be different for some men, I have always felt like I contribute. Just not financially (of course!). I make sure that my husband and older son have lunch made and packed, clean clothes, clean house, and dinner every night. The lawn is mowed, dog poo cleaned up, sheets changed at least weekly and make sure our 2 yr old survives the day. You get the idea! Anyway, I think that as long as he feels appreciated and knows that while his job doesn't pay in money, it pays in the lives of your kids and you!

When I was married and had two toddlers, my ex had to go off work on a elbow disability. So he was a SAHD while I worked. He definitely suffered. He thought it was great to spend the time with the boys, and he was good at it, but eventually gained a fair bit of weight and got depressed. Complained of not being a part of society and lack of adult interaction. All valid points. He received disability pay but to him, was not like working for a paycheck and bringing home the bacon. He ended up changing careers so he could get back out there (was home for approx 1 1/2 yrs). For him, that was the right thing to do. Since your dh is interested in the role, and its not a forced change, you can always set yourself up for success and have a plan in place for 'what ifs'. Good luck!

When I was married and had two toddlers, my ex had to go off work on a elbow disability. So he was a SAHD while I worked. He definitely suffered. He thought it was great to spend the time with the boys, and he was good at it, but eventually gained a fair bit of weight and got depressed. Complained of not being a part of society and lack of adult interaction. All valid points. He received disability pay but to him, was not like working for a paycheck and bringing home the bacon. He ended up changing careers so he could get back out there (was home for approx 1 1/2 yrs). For him, that was the right thing to do. Since your dh is interested in the role, and its not a forced change, you can always set yourself up for success and have a plan in place for 'what ifs'. Good luck!

I am a sahm and I still contribute financially: I iron dh's work clothes so I cut out the $50 weekly dry cleaning bill we used to have, I make homemade meals for everybody instead of eating out and save at least $250 monthly on lunches alone. I make christmas gifts with the kids and spend only like $50 in supplies for everybody. We used to spend $500 for gifts. I know a lot of stay at home parents coupon (i don't). I take the time to call our cable/phone/insurance providers every 6 months to negotiate our plan and get a better rate. Yesterday I reduced our cable bill by $55 a month for the next 6 months just because I called and asked. None of this would have been possible given the time constraints of my career I left. Is there any way to have him involved in the finances so he can still feel like he's contributing?

I am a sahm and I still contribute financially: I iron dh's work clothes so I cut out the $50 weekly dry cleaning bill we used to have, I make homemade meals for everybody instead of eating out and save at least $250 monthly on lunches alone. I make christmas gifts with the kids and spend only like $50 in supplies for everybody. We used to spend $500 for gifts. I know a lot of stay at home parents coupon (i don't). I take the time to call our cable/phone/insurance providers every 6 months to negotiate our plan and get a better rate. Yesterday I reduced our cable bill by $55 a month for the next 6 months just because I called and asked. None of this would have been possible given the time constraints of my career I left. Is there any way to have him involved in the finances so he can still feel like he's contributing?

I am a new part time SAHD, so I guess time will tell how my feelings change but I can tell you how my wife and I feel about it right now. My wife and I actually have the same career, but the difference is she is licensed so can make more money at it. I was in school to get mine as well, but took a promotion at work that made that really hard, so I'm currently on break from school. I am getting the "resume fluff" and experience, but still not making as much as my wife can. I had to learn to live with that even while we were both working so that bridge was already crossed.

Now that she can go back to work after having LO, we decided that we didn't want him raised by daycare, and one of us would stay home. It makes financial sense for that to be me right now. If your hubby feels like he can change his work situation to make more money, then that could be an option. It's kinda just math from that point. Work out the the mom salary/dad salary/childcare cost equation and see what makes more sense for you guys. If he realizes that it's costing you guys less for him to be in that role, that may help curb any feelings of inadequacy he may have.

As FamilyTree said, there are things that we can do while being home that will help with the bills too. Home cooking, couponing, etc. We have gotten behind on some bills due to my wife being out of work with late preggo issues and it has really helped for me to have the time to call people and stay on top of the accounts. With both of us working, we never felt like we had the time during business hours to do that.

Either way, it can always change down the road so he doesn't need to feel like it's the end of the world either way. Hope it all works out for you guys. I am sure he'll do great!

I am a new part time SAHD, so I guess time will tell how my feelings change but I can tell you how my wife and I feel about it right now. My wife and I actually have the same career, but the difference is she is licensed so can make more money at it. I was in school to get mine as well, but took a promotion at work that made that really hard, so I'm currently on break from school. I am getting the "resume fluff" and experience, but still not making as much as my wife can. I had to learn to live with that even while we were both working so that bridge was already crossed.

Now that she can go back to work after having LO, we decided that we didn't want him raised by daycare, and one of us would stay home. It makes financial sense for that to be me right now. If your hubby feels like he can change his work situation to make more money, then that could be an option. It's kinda just math from that point. Work out the the mom salary/dad salary/childcare cost equation and see what makes more sense for you guys. If he realizes that it's costing you guys less for him to be in that role, that may help curb any feelings of inadequacy he may have.

As FamilyTree said, there are things that we can do while being home that will help with the bills too. Home cooking, couponing, etc. We have gotten behind on some bills due to my wife being out of work with late preggo issues and it has really helped for me to have the time to call people and stay on top of the accounts. With both of us working, we never felt like we had the time during business hours to do that.

Either way, it can always change down the road so he doesn't need to feel like it's the end of the world either way. Hope it all works out for you guys. I am sure he'll do great!

Thank you all this really helped! We are getting more things in place, we talked to ss mom and she said he could take him out of daycare and watch him. He was going to talk to his boss today but got too nervous :/ it really makes since financially... After all work related expenses (buying new tools, daycare, gas, wear on the car etc) on a good week he takes home $130 for bills. We have been getting behind because we can't afford to spend $200 on daycare a week for dd. So if he stayed home I could work more hours and make more in one day then he makes in a week (take home). His main concern is I am pregnant so he is worried if I will be able to work til my due date. My workload is minimal though (lots of paper work, standing in a med room where I could sit and hand out meds) so I think I'll be able to manage and if not my boss already has a job he could transition into until I can get back on my feet. So I've tried to look at all worst case senerios and I really think this could work.

Thank you all this really helped! We are getting more things in place, we talked to ss mom and she said he could take him out of daycare and watch him. He was going to talk to his boss today but got too nervous :/ it really makes since financially... After all work related expenses (buying new tools, daycare, gas, wear on the car etc) on a good week he takes home $130 for bills. We have been getting behind because we can't afford to spend $200 on daycare a week for dd. So if he stayed home I could work more hours and make more in one day then he makes in a week (take home). His main concern is I am pregnant so he is worried if I will be able to work til my due date. My workload is minimal though (lots of paper work, standing in a med room where I could sit and hand out meds) so I think I'll be able to manage and if not my boss already has a job he could transition into until I can get back on my feet. So I've tried to look at all worst case senerios and I really think this could work.

I would be cautious since you are currently pregnant. Figure your budget numbers at 70% of your take home pay for the previous year. That is approximately what you will receive when you go out on disability. If you can't live on that sum your dh should wait until after the baby is born. I had a completely normal pregnancy but was ordered off work by my OB 5 weeks earlier than planned due to swelling. You just never know what will happen as things progress. I too have a desk job, but my OB wanted me in bed. hth

I would be cautious since you are currently pregnant. Figure your budget numbers at 70% of your take home pay for the previous year. That is approximately what you will receive when you go out on disability. If you can't live on that sum your dh should wait until after the baby is born. I had a completely normal pregnancy but was ordered off work by my OB 5 weeks earlier than planned due to swelling. You just never know what will happen as things progress. I too have a desk job, but my OB wanted me in bed. hth

Sahd here. I love staying at home with our son (and we have #2 on the way). Having something that brings in some income helps me with the 'male provider role' and could work. I am an insurance agent so I work from home and the Internet. Find something he can do part time from home. Perhaps wood working, painting, or some other skill could be turned into a part time profit. I can go a week or two and not do anything work wise if I need to be there for my son. I can also work on stuff during his naps!Check out my webpage at http://www.wix.com/trucoverage/home and you will see my family still is a big part of my business.

Sahd here. I love staying at home with our son (and we have #2 on the way). Having something that brings in some income helps me with the 'male provider role' and could work. I am an insurance agent so I work from home and the Internet. Find something he can do part time from home. Perhaps wood working, painting, or some other skill could be turned into a part time profit. I can go a week or two and not do anything work wise if I need to be there for my son. I can also work on stuff during his naps!Check out my webpage at http://www.wix.com/trucoverage/home and you will see my family still is a big part of my business.

Of he is willing to be a stay at home dad out may work better than yu think....when I changed from working to starting at home it was hard because ice always worked and had a job (ex military) now my wide and I have traded places lol.....i felt a little useless even tho I was and am getting money still....just the fact of going to work and working for it and having other adult interaction. But what ppl fail to realize its that being a SAHD is full time job!! Between laundry and cleaning....cooking and making sure the kids and my wife have what they need for school and work (uniforms) its hard but rewarding....i eventually got used to it. I done have a problem being alone but sometimes yu miss that human interaction to the point where spl yu can think about is the kids lol and forgetting (kinda) how adult interaction is lol....but I don't regret any of it!! As far as putting ur stepson in pre-school...as long as both biological parents agree then out shouldn't be an issue....it seems like she trust yu tho which is always a very good thing....I'm a step parent also but I love them as tho they have my DNA and they act like me so much to wld think they did lol....they start to look like me too!!

Of he is willing to be a stay at home dad out may work better than yu think....when I changed from working to starting at home it was hard because ice always worked and had a job (ex military) now my wide and I have traded places lol.....i felt a little useless even tho I was and am getting money still....just the fact of going to work and working for it and having other adult interaction. But what ppl fail to realize its that being a SAHD is full time job!! Between laundry and cleaning....cooking and making sure the kids and my wife have what they need for school and work (uniforms) its hard but rewarding....i eventually got used to it. I done have a problem being alone but sometimes yu miss that human interaction to the point where spl yu can think about is the kids lol and forgetting (kinda) how adult interaction is lol....but I don't regret any of it!! As far as putting ur stepson in pre-school...as long as both biological parents agree then out shouldn't be an issue....it seems like she trust yu tho which is always a very good thing....I'm a step parent also but I love them as tho they have my DNA and they act like me so much to wld think they did lol....they start to look like me too!!

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