As toned and tan reader John pointed out, today's Page Six has a little nugget from the exciting world of children's book publishing:

WE HEAR… THAT Simon & Schuster's children's imprint has inked Indianapolis Colts head coach Tony Dungy to write a picture book for kids about a class clown who finds inspiration to follow his dreams.

Being an outstanding NFL coach pretty much guarantees that you've been a super-organized Type A asshole your entire life, so I don't know what the hell Tony Dungy thinks he knows about being a class clown. Finding inspiration? Following dreams? When you're the class clown, inspiration is fart noises and following your dreams is making fart noises.

But something tells me the inspiration for this story has a lot more to do with Jesus than with fart noises. Which is another hole in the story. No class clown would ever give up fart noises for Christ's eternal love. I'm sorry, but fart noises are just too funny.

Join The Discussion

That picture made me sick to my stomach and laugh out loud at the same time. Two visceral reactions at once; well played.

10.01.07 at 2:46 pm

alumnigonzo

I bet it's about Peyton. That little rapscallion!

10.01.07 at 2:47 pm

Weed Against Speed

"The gays don't know how to read, right?"

-Coach Dungy

10.01.07 at 2:58 pm

swanychitown

I reserve the right to bust out the "I told you so!" scorn once Dungy is arrested for touching children.

10.01.07 at 2:59 pm

UpstateUnderdog

If a picture book has no words, how exactly do you write it ? think about it.

10.01.07 at 3:00 pm

Careless

I hope Tony put some suicide jokes in there. Suicide is always hilarious. Especially when it's your own kid!

/Running straight towards hell

10.01.07 at 3:05 pm

hardawayhatesyou

Careless, thats kinda where I was trying to go with my comment, but you did it much better. I just came off as a homophobe. Not that theres anything wrong with homophobia, but still.

10.01.07 at 3:14 pm

alumnigonzo

Not that there's anything wrong with that – people's fear of sexual orientation is no one's business but their own.

10.01.07 at 3:14 pm

TEXAS

I thought for sure the book would be about a little piggy with bitch-tits trying to eat his bucket of popcorn without using his hands during a Colts football game.

10.01.07 at 3:14 pm

phony gwynn

After an unfortunate mix-up at the printers, the end result is going to be a pop-up book of penises.

10.01.07 at 3:22 pm

WeakSideWing11

What does he know about class clowns? More importantly, what does he know about kids… He's already killed his own off, we dont need him passing this on to everyone else's. He should stick to books about being black and winning the superbowl… and being black while winning the superbowl.

10.01.07 at 3:37 pm

hardawayhatesyou

WSW11, lets be fair. I think he has at least one, if not two, living kids.

10.01.07 at 3:38 pm

doogieinrichmond

I am just surprised nobody on his team has tried to whack themselves off. I think there is a sucide watch for all of his youner players.

10.01.07 at 3:39 pm

doogieinrichmond

*suicide *younger

Give me the rope, I fucked it up.

10.01.07 at 3:44 pm

Tim

I don't think his kid was gay, just racist. I found that out on a racist web site though.

10.01.07 at 3:54 pm

Careless

@doogie I think that's the first time I've heard of someone referring to suicide as, "whacking themselves off." If suicide really has a double meaning, I might as well mention I've committed suicide 3 times today.

10.01.07 at 4:04 pm

Enrico Pallazzo

Ugh, Tony, you couldn't even raise your own son, quit trying to tell the rest of America how they should raise theirs.

10.01.07 at 4:46 pm

WhyDoYouAsk

"The Little Engine That Could, Because He Wasn't A Pillow-Biter." Foreward by Larry Craig.