by Leith Leith blocks: "Deep SQL query?? Deep Small Quaint Lilypond you mean!" Leith counterattacks with a low kick: "Hello? Mike-needs-an-iGirlfriend is about as deep as a puddle!"

by Commentator "Will michael recover? Will he rebound with amazing web-powers and snappy oneliners? Oh the humanity, the suspense is palpable!"

by Michael Michael rebounds: "Quaint Lilyponds?! I'll give you a lilypond worth writing home about!" (looks up, presses triangle, square and circle buttons simutaneously... the heaven's open up and large lilypond falls from the skies at 9.81m/s/s towards Leith's rapidly balding head) "Huh!" he grunt-yells: "Tell me that aint deep!"

by Leith *Combo R1, back, circle*!! Leith's umbrella comes out and the Small-Quaint-Lilypond attack makes a slight depression as it hits, but does no damage. "Ha! Take this!" *foward-foward-triangle* Leith fires lines of Cunningly-Grafted-Internet at Michael!

"Right" says Michael. "Lets get down to the real business" and unleashes a torrent of Potent Homophobic Poodles towards Leith's pretty little ass.

by lank RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRight

by Backup Commentator Takes quick glance at Lanky, shakes head, turns back to main match. "The geeks in the crowd are going wild!" he cries.

"This is heaven" sighs one enraptured female fan. "Seeing Michael in the flesh — this is the culmination of a life-long obsession!" she says breathlessly, before collapsing in ecstasy.

Meanwhile in the arena...

by Leith While momentarliy fazed by the PHP, Leith quickly recovered by firing large busrts of Hyperactive Tanzanian Monkey-dinner Leftovers at Michael!

The loyal Leith-fans roar with appreciation at his marvellous skill, with many women swooning!

by Michael The barrage of HTML turns out to be buggy IE6 stuff and fails to render for Michael. Michael shrugs his shoulders, rolls up his sleeves, grunts a meaty grunt. At this point the fanatical Michael fans in audience (consisting entirely of females) go wild! In fact, to show their appreciation more than a few remove extraneous items of clothing!

Michael simply clicks his fingers, summoning up the dreaded Jet Assisted Voracious Aardvark in a cloud of smoke. The fans cheer, remove more items of clothing and attempt to get high on the aardvark-smoke.

At this display of wonder, the hordes of (all female) Leith-fans proceed to remove their superfluous items of clothing, dancing wildly to Leith's Lovely Impressionistic Nearly Undulating Xylophone music!!

by Michael Leith's C and C++ fails to even compile, falling helplessly to the floor in a cacophony of syntax errors and void pointers. The ASP meanwhile realises that it's a bit out of its depth here and runs back to daddy.

Meanwhile, Michael has flopped out his own Organically Synthesized Xylophone, laying down his patent dope mix of chilled out funky house beats.

The rabid Michael-fans spontaneously break into a sensual dancing frenzy. Soon, they remove any and all items of clothing from their young, tender female bodies and begin to converge towards the arena, singing their saviour's name to the beat.

They plow through the barriers; nothing stopping them from their target! Before Michael realises what is going on he is hoisted high in the sky by a few hundred au naturale females and carried off towards the communal baths (which every decent wrestling house just happens to have), his few wrestling-rags littering the floor behind them. "It's time for Uninhibited, Naughty Iguana-fueled Xhibitionistic action!" they cry!

Leith meanwhile is left with a few token females (those who didn't flock to Michael)...

by Commentator "Due to crowd interference, we will not be disqualifying Michael from the fight, despite indecent (S) Xposure and his lack of resistance at being swept away by hordes of nude women. *cough*
The judges have decided to be lenient and grant him one... ow! oh, right... we shall grant him three hours reprise. The first round is over."

*ding* *ding*
and here endith round 1 of CGM. Tune in next week for another exciting episode!