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So,I've admitted my problem; that I think I have BPD.In fact, I have started to build bridges with my dad, that have been burning away for ages and ages. HOW? When i've had a drink, turn my phone off, when I feel angry, turn my phone off.

But, then theres' the minor problem of christmas day coming up. All my family are going to be there, and over the last year I've probably upset them on more than one occasion. I've pushed them away, slagged them off, sworn at them , told them i hated them and blamed them for all my wrongs.My brother, is currently not talking to me; we're not close, but it hurts that he thinks i'm a "selfish, drinking smoking, moody person" I want to tell him taht it isn't just that, there's more to it, but he's only 18 and i fear he will think it's just an excuse.

I know my triggers, I know that if anyone mentions my "crap" year, my habit of falling for older men, my baby that I will go on a downward spiral. I also know, that once I get back to my old home where my dad is that i switch personas and I become like a puppy begging for attention and I know that if I try to hug my dad and he says 'he's busy' I will automatically be wound up and feel rejected.I am very determined that after christmas I am going to have a sober month, I therefore need christmas to be a good one otherwise I'll be drinking to drown the problems of my family. I really DON'T want to do that.

I need a plan.

I'm thinking, that I'm going to take my diary and a pen, and I'm going to ask my self 5 questions before i kick off, then i will come back in and feel refreshed, i really hope so!

Post subject: Re: Step one - admitting that I'm the one with the issues

Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:21 pm

New Member

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:08 pmPosts: 109

It's good that you've started to think about this (I know that Christmas is already over), but why didn't you try to be sober before Christmas? I'm curious to hear how Christmas went and what you have done to keep a single persona in all environments. It's important to be you around everyone and not let urges get to you. Hope things are well.