Jenny Block, contributor to Fox on Sex (fair and balanced!), was recently surprised to discover the selection available at her local Walgreens.

First, there is a surprising variety of “personal massagers.” “Quiet and powerful ones” in a Skittles-worthy array of colors. Multiple surface versions that boast the ability to be recharged. The “Comet Massager” that looks like it’s related to a Pixar space creature. The little guy even lights up. [...] One massager comes complete with a warmer, and several of them have all sorts of interesting nubs and bumps and edges. Come on, that is no back massager.

All sorts of lotions and potions line the shelves as well. Travel size massage oils in scents like Bali Moonlight, Malibu Sunrise, and Paris Twilight. (And, no, I have no idea what any of those things would smell like).

And then there are the lubricants — warming, tingling, soothing, and in “flavors” like pina colada and cherry. If you don’t know why you’d want a lubricant to smell good and taste good, you, my friend, are missing out.

In the practical department, there’s an air revitalizer (you know, for those marathon sessions); a sound machine to ward-off roommates or nosy neighbors; and candles in every scent from Indigo Nights to Beach Bungalow for ideal lighting (who doesn’t look good in candlelight?). Seriously, you could set the whole scene with just one stop at this place.

If you want to get really randy, they even have handcuffs, nylon rope, paintbrushes, hot wax and digital camcorders. No pressure.

This reminds us of a conversation we once had with Laura Roberts, editor of the now defunct Black Heart Magazine, following one of her columns for Hour magazine about finding sex toys at the Dollar Store.

Our editrix attempted this, but she claims to have no words to describe what occurred with said frugal accouterments. We’re on our own on this one… unless you want to venture forth and tell us your story of sexy finds in unusual places!

Before we begin, we want to take a second to instantaneously orgasm at the realization that we are thisclose to living in a postcyberpunk universe, OMG. The cyborgs are so close, the Sex and the 405 newsroom can almost taste them! Nom nom nom! /geekery

But let’s explore the robots that are actually among us, shall we?

Meet Roxxxy, a 5-foot-7-inches TrueCompanion that outweighs our editrix at 120 pounds. Her skin is soft, her orifices are willing and! She will talk to you about anything that interests you. For as long as you like. Without rolling her eyes!

(Our editrix should send one to her ex-husband.)

A TrucCompanion is a talking sex robot. Priced at $7,000, Roxxxy is the brainchild of Douglas Hines, a mad scientist who thought to slap silicone skin on a computer with voice-recognition and speech-synthesis software, and five pre-programmed personalities ranging from Frigid Farrah to Wild Wendy — take your pick!

A motor in her chest pumps heated air through a tube that winds through Roxxxy’s body, which keeps her warm to the touch. She also has sensors in her hands and genital areas that elicit vocal responses from her when she’s touched. She even shudders to simulate orgasm (like most women you know! Just kissing, sorry).

Her battery-life is only three hours, but then, that’s more than our iPhones, so we’re not going to complain too much.

“There’s a tremendous need for this kind of product,” said Hines, who’s really a computer scientist and former Bell Labs engineer, and happily married in Licoln Park, New Jersey.

This version of the bot cannot move on its own, though it can be contorted into many positions. We’re looking forward to advances in the technology that will allow for Roxxxy to get up and make dinner, give us a back massage, then go service our boyfriends and husbands so we can deal with our deadlines.

And once they figure out all the bugs, we expect her male counterpart, a sexy man-thing to change lightbulbs, play with our hair for hours on end and, of course, do us 24/7 — between deadlines, of course.

Last month in Canada, Dr. Carolyn Bennett, a Liberal Minister of Parliament, sent a letter to the Conservative Federal Minister of Health, Leona Aglukkaq, expressing concern about the sex toy industry and asking the government to take action in regulating sex toys.

I am writing to express my concern for the urgent need for responsible regulation in the adult toy industry. In Canada, we are not yet doing enough to protect women against the very high concentratuons of materials linked to reproductive and other health issues.

… Our current legislation is insufficient. There are safe alternatives to pththalates and [bisphenol A] that are readily available.

It sounds like a good idea, right? Like they say on Facebook: It’s Complicated.

In order to regulate sex toys first one needs to define the product category for proposed regulation. What qualifies as a sex toy? Currently in the U.S. sex toys are defined legally in some states (often as devices intended for genital stimulation). But they don’t exist as a defined category by health regulators. The same is true for many other countries where the term “sex toys” won’t be found in legal or regulatory documentation.

Even among sex toy retailers and manufacturers terms like dildo, vibrator, penis ring, butt plug can mean very different things. Is a sex toy defined by how it’s intended use? How it’s commonly used? Is a sex toy defined by who uses it or what kinds of bodies it gets used on? There is no generally agreed upon taxonomy of sex toys. There isn’t even an organization or body (public or private) that would be in a position to develop such a taxonomy.

But until we’re there, I’m certainly not comfortable with a government deciding what is and isn’t a sex toy, and regulating the products they think are while ignoring the products they decide aren’t.

I’m with Silverberg on this one. I believe in educating consumers and leaving the government out of as much as humanly possible. But then, I’m a conservative. That’s just how we roll. Or used to. Yeah, yeah.

Those earth-loving peeps, they’re all over the place fighting to make sure we don’t screw up ourselves or this fine planet completely. Having made strides in green living from noms to cars and light bulbs, they’re now moving into the bedroom.

Here is the latest in healthy alternatives for your loving pleasure:

TOYS

A surprising amount of sex toys contain phthalates (which only looks scary to pronounce–say it like this: “thalates.” Good job), PVC softeners that have been found to inhibit endocrine, which some studies have linked to premature puberty in girls and low sperm production in boys.

As a result of health concerns, many companies are working to produce non-toxic alternatives.

Have you ever read the back of a bottle of lube? I’ll admit I didn’t until long into my 20s. Lube was something I judged based on how it felt–like most everything relating to sex. And then, I did it. I’ll tell you one thing: I wish I hadn’t. Dicksoftenus maximus.

Remember one thing when shopping for your new top-notch eco-sex lube (and this goes especially for the coconut oil): some products are oil-based and not latex-compatible. Make sure that you and your partner or partners have been tested for STIs and there’s another form of birth control in place before engaging in unprotected sex or sex that mixes latex-incompatible lubes and condoms.

BIRTH CONTROL

We’ve told you about vegan condoms, which replace the milk protein casein in latex condoms with a non-animal alternative. And for the super socially-conscious, there is French Letter, which offers an array of fair-trade rubber condoms.

The holidays can be a brutal time for singles, people in long-distance situations, and the otherwise sensory deprived.

Well, look no further, boys. Technology is your friend.

Introducing the RealTouch! A Fleshlight-like pleasure instrument that syncs up with your porn to provide you the sort of sensory experience you only dreamed about–until now!

I knew it was only a matter of time before technology took penile stimulation to the other side after watching Ron Jeremy’s One Eyed Monster (remember that red-headed geek’s ultimate weapon? Mmm, yes. And we’re kidding about the geek part, Caleb, you know we love you).

So get this: the RealTouch has a haptic encoder, you just plug the USB into your computer, log into your account at RealTouch.com and select from hundreds of scenes specifically coded to transmit the movements and sensations of your favorite porn stars’ goods to your dick.

It’s not just squeezing though, it’s heat, wetness, friction and intensity. The ass will be tighter and hotter than the vagina. The hands will feel different than the action between the tits. Some girls are wetter than others–you name it, those boys in North Carolina have thought of it and coded appropriately.

And all you have to do is stand there. Well, all you have to do is fork over $199.95, then just stand there.

How does this work? I think it’s better to embrace mystery, but if you insist: this perfect multi-talented machine brings you all the heavenly delights with a combination of conveyor belts, heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a tight seal. (And just FYI: the ever-growing library includes straight, gay, she-male and, for you supergeeks, anime pr0n).

I’ve lost to machines before (PS3, XBOX…) and neither could simulate Booty Duty action or a leggy cartoon babe getting quadruple penetrated by an alien. I damn well better up my game, like, now.

Problems: there is no available Mac version yet, and Gizmodo has reported technical issues with Windows 7. Basically, this is an XP and Vista plaything for now. But stay tuned.

Facebook

Add our page on Google+!

That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

About

Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...