Thursday, July 06, 2006

True Wife Confessions 13th edition, at Crystal Lake

Confession #121

After you left your wife to be with me, you somehow, mysteriously, turned me into her. So I left you and found myself.

Confession #122

I know you've forgiven your mother for leaving you as a child, but I will always hate her for it. And although I may seem charming when she's around, all I can think about is slapping her face. She doesn't deserve to have a son like you.

Confession #123

It's astounding to me that you can get all pissy and pouty like a 5 year old who's mother has said No treats when I say no most every morning to your daily request of "wanna be on top". You have turned sex into yet another chore I must do in order to keep peace in the house. And then when I decide I'm ready for some lovin' ... you punish me for not having been "on top" that morning and we BOTH go without pleasure. And I thought I was the high-maintenance one!

Confession #124

Sometimes I read your e-mail, especially the ones from the female high school friend you keep in touch with. It hurts me to know how many of our marriage problems you share with her, but I don't have the guts to tell you what I know.

Confession #125

My parents think we have the perfect marriage because I never talk to them about you and you never see them. If that changed, they'd probably hate you.

Confession #126

I have no idea how you got into medical school, much less graduated, with your lousy work eithic.

Confession #127

We both know that it is my job and salary that has carried us for years. I just know that it would deflate your manly ego if we acknowledged that I am the main earner. I allow you to have your own business, but my patience is growing very, very thin.

Confession #128

Sometimes I don't think that I'm in love with you. Sometimes I think it's a waste of both of our time for us to still be married. However, most of the time, I still think of you as a good friend, so I think I'll remain married for now. I'm worried that it will be just friendship for the rest of our lives though. I'm not sure if I can live with that.

Confession #129

I know you don't think I'm serious about leaving you if we don't get back into counseling. For the record, I've never been more serious.

Confession #130

If God forbid, something happened to you. I don't think our son would ever see your family again. They are overly judgemental and mean and I cringe when they just touch him.