Table Manners: Don’t blow it!

Q: Is it acceptable to blow your nose at the dinner table? My husband says that it is okay and has even blown his nose into a cloth napkin.

A: Nose-blowing at the table should be limited to small puffs. If what is required is big, noisy nose-blowing, this should be conducted away from the table. It is distasteful to others to hear or see someone beleaguered by mucus deal with it at the table.

Agreed! Don’t forget, that cloth napkin is NOT a handkerchief – its purpose is to wipe the mouth. Even if it’s washed, think of the next person who will be using it, and how they’d feel if they knew someone had blown their snot into it…

Remember the napkin is for the lap and not to wipe the mouth, except for emergencies or should you find something unseemly in your food once it’s in your mouth.
Blowing/clearing/picking at one’s nose while seated at a table is rude and has little to do with germs and more to do with its nauseating affects on others.

I was raised that a wipe is OK, so long as it’s subtle, but anything that requires force (such as a blow) is not OK, at all. In that situation, you should excuse yourself to the bathroom. If you sneeze and a blow is required, a short puff is acceptable. These were the rules around our family dinner table, mind you, not in a fancy restaurant. It’s common courtesy to those who you dine with to not disgust them.

I think a subtle wipe is also ok – especially if, for instance, the person has a cold and will be wiping rather often. It’s not reasonable to expect the person to get up and head to the restroom – which might be some distance off – each and every time. After all, wouldn’t it be considered equally rude to be leaving your dining companion so many times?

This is a total grosser-outer for me…and my husband does it all the time despite my having told him how repulsive I find it.

It’s not a little snoot-chirp or wipe, it’s a full blown trumpethonker with that slushy gooey mucus sound, often repeated two, three, or more times. Sometimes he inspects his fingers then wipes them on the napkin…which he puts on the tabletop. Then proceeds not only to eat, but to reach for food in the common area of the table. Sometimes when sitting to his left or right I can feel the air ejected from his napkin, and on two occasions I got up and left the table because mucus flew through the air. It’s just…filthy, low-class behavior. And he refuses to take my feelings seriously. I mean, he’ll grumpily accept my input, then for the next night or two dramatically point out that he’s restraining from blowing his nose (which can mean either him snuffling snot, or dramatically getting up from the table to walk across the room to blow his nose). Then it’s back to the old behavior.

Even though he comes from a supposedly better off “executive”family–as in corporate vice president dad, college educated mom, nice house–his family has utterly miserable table manners too. They dive over their plates like starving herons, shovel food from the plate into their mouths with their heads down near the table surface, take enormous bites, chew twice, then swallow, sometimes choking on the bulk then grabbing the water glass to take an enormous downwashing gulp (usually making desperate and wet noises), swallowing noisily, then making this open-mouthed sound like a giant shellfish struggling its siphonophore through mud to squirt. Then they are done in about two minutes and ready to run off and do something else. No conversation, no listening, no enjoyment of the food. Even starving wolves are more social!

That’s all awful…but for me the worst is the nose blowing…and the fact that I cannot take my husband out to a nice restaurant without seeing people trying desperately not to stare. Him eating is like watching a video of How Not To Eat In Public (or Private). I’ve talked to him about this, but it seems to make no impression on him.

He also does this thing where he closes his eyes with every forkful. First he loads the fork with as much food as I’d consider five or six bites or more. He’ll push food into a pile and work the fork into it in order to get the most possible food on the tines, base, and even handle. Then with eyes closed and mouth stretched wide, he levers the food in, wiggling the fork back and forth to get it all in, usually with it dragging on his opened lips as it goes in. Then he opens his eyes, chews maybe twice or three times, gulps, washes it down, forks up another enormous pile of food, closes eyes, coda.

It seems more like some compulsive behavior than dining. Needless to say he is finished before most of us have even 1/4 started…then goes looking for more. I assume that many of these are old habits related to him being obese as a child. His mother used food as reward and punishment, and he is utterly incapable of enjoying a meal in the “higher” social sense.

We had a friend over for supper who was eating very hot Thai food. It made his sinuses water. He picked up his (paper) napkin, turned away from the table, dabbed his nose, gave a very tiny blurt to clear the nasal wetness, folded his napkin, and placed it on his lap. Then he proceeded to finish his meal.

Later my husband said, “You didn’t say anything to HIM about blowing his nose at the table.” I replied that when he did it, I didn’t hear an apocalyptic horn honk, feel a gust of wind, nor witness/experience flying bodily fluids.

He also has a habit of boring into his nose, mouth, and ears at the table, but that’s I guess another topic. It seems to have gotten worse over the years, because when we first knew each other, my recollection is that he didn’t do things like this. In fact in one of my early journal entries I wrote about what a relief it was to go out to eat with a man who knew how to conduct himself in public. What changed? Did he give up trying because he landed a partner/wife?

Unfortunately, it is not deaf. Honestly, Carol, I have read this again and I am on the floor laughing. Starving Herons. Seriously, you are funny. OK, so here’s some practical advice: Tell him to stuff a sock in it and if he doesn’t do it, do it for him.

No, honestly, I am going back on the floor now and laugh some more. Dear Lord, this kind of thing is why I stayed single. Then I land a room-mate with the same habits. GHHHGGHHHHHHAAAAAAA! There’s no escaping the mucus monster, I guess. Still, your post is the funniest thing I have read for awhile…got a huge laugh out of it. Thank you. I PRINTED IT OUT FOR MY ROOM-MATE. I SUGGEST YOU PRINT IT OUT FOR YOUR HUBBY AND SERVE IT TO HIM FOR BREAKFAST, NICELY CENTERED ON THE PLATE, WITH A BOX OF KLEENEX RIGHT AND LEFT INSTEAD OF SILVERWARE. SERVE HIM KLEENEX THREE TIMES A DAY UNTIL HE GETS THE HINT. GHHAAAAA!

Akl this is inane. First remember that most of these rules were in response to germ spreading. Most people clearly do not understand germs here. While it may seem more infectious for someone to blow their nose at the table in fact there are considerably more germs in your mouth. As an ex dental assistant I can assure you that the little mouth wipe most do is very germ filled. Way more than snot. I think since you’re all ignorant of the true perpose if manner the argument is moot.

Do you have ANY concept of the concept of disgusting? I don’t want to see you deal with your bodily fluids, bacterial considerations aside. Take it out of the room, please, unless it is tears, which anyone can handle. Deal with your snot and anything else you expel from your body in private. Thank you!

And by the way it is my recent study of Microbiology and Pathology which has led to my being completely grossed out by the ever-present witness of expulsion of bodily fluids in public. Seriously folks, get a room…preferably the loo. Cover and wash up! You may not mind being sick and blowing snot everywhere but the rest of us would like not to live like that. THANK YOU!

I really feel for you! I think it is incredibly rude to blow one’s nose at the table. If I feel a mucus emergency coming I will excuse myself and leave the room. To not do so is to jeopardize the appetite of others at the table. It seems that it’s not his lack of manners that is the big problem, but that he refuses to honor your wishes. I think marriage counseling is the next step.

Ick! Blowing/wiping at the table is acceptable only if there is no one to observe it. There are emergencies, such as the unexpected sneeze or the sudden runny nose if one has a cold or has eaten spicy food that may necessitate a swipe or the use of a napkin — but then one should excuse oneself, take care of it and wash their hands before returning. My stepmother blows at the table, then digs in her nostrils with the already-overused tissue, and I highly recommend her presence at meals for those trying to lose weight. To me, it is the indoor equivalent of spitting on the sidewalk.

I have a room-mate who blows her nose seemingly 24/7, loud honk no problem, but will do right over the salad or casserole, or over my computer keyboard, or while she cuts the bread. GGGGHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!! How do I convince her that not all of the snot mist lands in the hanky and that it is disgusting to blow in the kitchen and then serve food with those same hands? Her lack of hand hygiene means she gets about ten “colds’ a year, and I usually get one of them as a special gift from her, probably on my food. Folks, PLEASE don’t blow around food or in the kitchen for any reason. Wash your hands after you blow for Pete’s sake. And if you have to blow 2700 times per day, go to the doc and get this taken care of. I AM SO GROSSED OUT by the constant witness of personal body fluid expulsion! Take it into the bathroom please and WASH YOUR HANDS! Apparently you don’t mind being sick but I DO!!!!