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Clarity, Hope and Peace for when life stinks!Wed, 19 Dec 2018 08:36:34 +0000en-UShourly1https://i1.wp.com/takeheartcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/cropped-Logo-Final-Stamp.jpg?fit=32%2C32&ssl=1Take Heart Coachinghttps://takeheartcoaching.com
3232110442470Caregiving During the Holidayshttps://takeheartcoaching.com/caregiving-during-the-holidays/
https://takeheartcoaching.com/caregiving-during-the-holidays/#respondMon, 03 Dec 2018 19:37:32 +0000https://takeheartcoaching.com/?p=33600Being a family caregiver during the holidays might mean long time traditions have to change. As both my parents Alzheimer’s disease progressed, we found they were unable to celebrate the holidays in the same ways that our family had in the past.

Mom became anxious when she was around a lot of people, so we found we had to stay home more. Dad still enjoyed people just wasn’t able to go and do the things he used to on his own. During my time caring for Dad, I was blessed to be able to join him in one of his traditions.

Each year Dad was able to attend a special performance of Kansas City Symphony. He loved to see all the people, enjoy the holiday spirit and especially join in the carol sing-along they held at the very end of the concert. Since I was there most Saturdays, I got the opportunity to make this a new tradition as well.

Each year we got dressed up in our holiday attire and ventured out to the concert. After the concert, we would stop for a special treat of ice cream! This year I will not be able to attend but I am enjoying the memories he and I were able to share!

If you find yourself at a point where the holidays are not what they once were due to the need to adjust to your Loved One’s changing abilities, take heart. This season of caring will not last forever, but the new memories created will.

My prayer for you and your loved one is that you will find a way to make an intentional effort to make some new traditions or the very least new memories this holiday season!

The practice of giving thanks can impact your entire life. Scripture tells us in 1 Timothy 4:4 “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving,” Learning to receive everything with thanksgiving is difficult but very important.

While caring for my dad I found gratitude to be a VERY IMPORTANT part of my daily life.

A few years ago I found myself struggling with the demands of caregiving and frustrated with the decline in my dad’s ability. One day while doing some yard work dad got his shoes extremely muddy.

I had him take them off, then I took them to another room and left them there while I went to get a clean pair.

In just the few minutes I was gone he found the muddy shoes, put them on and walked around on the carpet. Seriously, you have got to be kidding me, I thought. Needless to say, I was very frustrated.

I had noticed in the last month it was becoming increasingly more difficult to enjoy the time I have with him. My patience seemed to be running thin.

As I stepped back to examine this, explore why and pray about how to change it, the muddy shoes happened.

My dad’s ability to understand and be helpful had significantly declined. Yes, that is what Alzheimer’s is, a disease of decline. But like all things that change gradually we often don’t see the change until something happens, that calls our attention to it. So yes, he has changed. Now how do I adjust?

Focusing on being present with my dad and not allowing the heartache of what he could no longer do affect my time with him was a step in the right direction. In order to do that I had to focus on where he was now, not what he was. I was able to do this pretty well early one but it became more challenging as those things which he could do became more limited each day.

That meant it was time to shift again. This shift involved learning more about Gratitude.

Gratitude, I learned was a powerful tool in my caregiver’s toolbox. Focusing on being Thankful is what I found that made all the difference.

I had to move into being grateful for him and the time with him. Not because of what he can or can’t do but for the amazing person he is and was.

The key to having gratitude make an impact on your life is to truly stay focused on what you have right here and now.

It is so easy to look at a situation and fall into the land of comparison in order to find things to be thankful for. True gratitude is focused on what you have in that moment.As I learned to immersed myself in gratitude I found more peace in the moments of life with dad. I am so thankful God has shown me how gratitude makes life better. Of course, Dad’s abilities never improved but my heart of gratitude helped me to handle it with more love, grace, and peace than I ever imagined.

Stronger than the Struggle: Uncomplicating Your Spiritual Battle is a great resource.

I have reviewed other books on prayer in the past but I think this one has become my favorite in the category of the theology of prayer.

Havilah Cunnington is a popular Bible teacher and Bethel Church pastor. She uses a down’-to earth style to address an important and sometimes complicated topic of prayer.

Havilah reminds us that whether we talk about it or not, every follower of God is in a war against a very real enemy, one who wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

In Stronger than the Struggle, you will appreciate Havilah’s style of addressing the origins of our struggles: God, us or the enemy. She helps you learn to ask the right questions to help you gain a better understanding of the struggles and what it will take to get victory over them.

https://amzn.to/2MRLRp2One of my favorite parts is where Havilah discusses the truth of how the enemy twists things to get us on unsteady ground. Most of the time when God tells us what to do the enemy will ask questions to undermine what God has clearly said.

You know when God says, “You are clean, washed white as snow.” and the enemy says, “You are pure, really?”

If we allow God’s statements to us to change into questions about us we will lack confidence in God, His character and what we know about God.

One final thought I really liked was this quote. “We are amid a life or death fight but it won’t last forever. There will come a time whether it’s in heaven when we arrive or on earth when Christ returns when the battle will end. Christ will have his reward and this is what we fix our eyes on as we continue in our daily struggles. The hope of the future.”

If you struggle with prayer or have found yourself not believing in it as you once did, I encourage you to enjoy this read.

Creating Calm in the Center of Crazy

Creating Calm in the Center of Crazy: Making room for your soul in an overcrowded life is a refreshingly honest look at how you can make choices to move to a place of calm for yourself.

A life of crazy usually doesn’t just show up one day but rather it grows slowly and gradually. We don’t realize how crazy it has become until there is a big event that brings the shift into focus.

Now that we see the crazy what do we do?

Nicole shares her recipe for crazy was 1.) Distraction- using it to distract others from their unmet needs to distracting ourselves from ours. 2.) Overcommitment- using the word no became a memory. 3.) Multitasking- “the illusion that we can successfully handle multiple tasks simultaneously.” 4.) Comparison- taking our comparisons and using them as measuring sticks for our worth. 5.) Pressure- everyone experiences it and can even handle different amounts without a problem. The issue is when you finally realize it is all too much it too late, everything explodes.Once in this place of crazy we often seek out new tips or tricks to managing our time better but honestly, that usually isn’t the fix we need when crazy has overtaken our world. Nicole’s book shares her story and how she explored new practices to find a true refuge of calm both inside and out.

Some of those practices were creating a room of her own, setting and keeping boundaries with technology, as well as experiencing quiet and still to find true refreshment.

I found so many great ideas in this book I have started a Pinterest board with some of my favorite quotes. You can visit them here:

I would love to have you add your favorites to my board!

It has been great in this season of life to focus back on finding my calm both inside and out. I hope you find it helpful as well.

Saying Goodbye to My Daddy

I had been praying for over a year now that when it was time for Dad to say Good-bye I would be able to stop fighting for him and let him go.

I’m a fighter you know, I have always been that way, I’m convinced God made me that way. I wanted to be ready to let Dad go so I would not bring him undue pain and fight a fight that wasn’t mine.

I knew he would not live forever but I never expected that I would be saying goodbye now. I knew he was sick, but I never dreamed June 25, 2018, would be the day I would say goodbye to my Daddy.

Dad had surgery for a blood clot on May 20th. He did surprisingly well with the surgery and started on the bumpy road to recovery. We had to place him in a rehab facility to get his strength and mobility back but the day he was released to go home he seemed to be improving.

Since he couldn’t safely navigate the stairs in his raised ranch home we did a quick update of the basement and moved him in. He seemed to know he was home and relax into the new routine. It did my heart good to see him home.

He continued therapy and was in good spirits, but his recovery soon started to slow down. The wound on his leg wasn’t healing and he didn’t seem to want to eat much. I continued to pray for wisdom and strength to care for him at home with my sister and our caregiver team. It was a much bigger job than I expected.

I was exhausted emotionally and physically from the long days. I continued to spend time with the Lord, asking for wisdom and grace. There was a lot of stress and I can’t say I handled every moment of every day well, but God is Good and provided all I needed.

Thursday morning, I awoke early and went to Dad’s bedside as I had the 5 mornings before, but this day Dad seemed different. He was in less pain, he was more affectionate, and he seemed to radiate peace. He wasn’t interested in eating, he just wanted to hold my hand.

I sat with him and I prayed silently as I had each morning, praying for Dad’s healing, for my heart and for me to love all those around me well.

As I talked with the Lord about Dad’s healing that morning He reminded me of my prayer throughout the last year to know when the right time was to stop fighting and to gracefully let him go.

He went on to whisper to my heart it was time, it was time to make the shift. I said really, Lord? He said yes. I said really? He said yes. Help me do that Lord, I’m not ready. But as I looked at Dad I knew he was.

Later that day for the first time the home health nurse told us Dad was dying. His body was tired, and he was not going to pull through. It was difficult to hear but I already knew it in my heart, the Lord had prepared me.

I will not say that the next 3 days were easy nor was watching my Dad pass away an easy experience but what I can say is that our God is Good and faithful! On one of the most difficult days of my life, I felt loved, cherished and strengthened by the Lord.

I’m so thankful for all the days I had to share with my dad. I’m thankful for the relationship with my Lord that allowed the struggles of caring for Dad to be more than just struggles but also opportunities to grow in my relationship with Him, with Dad, my sister and the many caregivers who touched our lives.
This month has been a difficult one. I am just starting the transition of life without my Daddy. I am so thankful that I have experienced the truth of Isaiah 41:10 and I will continue to calm the truth of His promise in the days to come.

“So, do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41

Why Her? :6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind

Comparison seems to be a natural state for us. We often find ourselves comparing ourselves to others without even realizing that is what we are doing. Questions like, “Why Her, Lord?” “Must be nice!” “Why Never ME!” as well as more settle questions are “What so wrong with us? Questioning our worth, evening doubting God” are at the root questions of comparison.

Nicki Kuziri, the author, states, “we love to shout our success but seldom share own secret sorrows. But the more honest we can become about the areas that threaten our souls the most the sooner we will feel empowered enough to escape the comparison chase.”

Nicki shares 6 truths we need to hear when measuring up leaves us falling behind using the stories of her own life and that of Leah and Rachel in the Genesis to illustrate. The 6 truths are: 1) You Need to be Honest 2) See It Like It Really Is 3) You Don’t Have to be Okay 4) You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong 5) Her Gain is Not Your Loss 6) Let the Success of Others Encourage, Not Discourage You.

Throughout this book, Nicki explores how comparison affects our lives but most importantly our relationship with the Lord. She states “this isn’t just a me struggle, it is a God struggle.” Further explaining a God struggle as a struggle that goes against the grain of who He created you to be.

Nicki’s goal is for the reader to move toward becoming transparent about what causes us to compare ourselves with others for it will keep us from needing to compare ourselves to others at all. Oh that we all might get to this place.

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]]>30366How Are You Being Made Perfect?https://takeheartcoaching.com/are-you-being-made-perfect/
https://takeheartcoaching.com/are-you-being-made-perfect/#respondSun, 20 May 2018 12:36:36 +0000https://takeheartcoaching.com/?p=30352

I often say God gave me curly hair to remind me every morning how little control I really have in life.

I love my curly hair, I really do. I just want it to curl perfectly the same on both sides. Is that asking for too much? Yep, yep it is. (So I decided if I make both sides of my hair different it wouldn’t bug me so much and I love it this way.}

I like my eyeliner to be perfect too. Oh, and the fit of my clothes and the style of my jewelry with each outfit.

Perfect, that’s how I like it.

How do you define perfect?

When we really stop and think about it perfect is very subjective. Your idea of perfect and my idea of perfect are not the same.

In fact, my husband would say that my hair looks exactly the same every day. I’m sure he would think it is styled it perfectly each day. For me most days it is just as good as it is going to get.

Perfect is an interesting word, it can be used as a noun, verb or adjective. Perfect as a verb is an act of making something free from faults and defects, or as close to such a condition as possible while the adjective has two meanings having all the desirable elements, qualities, and characteristics, as good as it is able to be or absolute, complete. (per the online dictionary)

I don’t know about you, but I was surprised to see in the definition any reference to as good or as close as it can get. In my mind, things are either perfect (flawless) or they are not. I’m settling when I am accepting something that is as close as possible.

There is a very fine line between trying our best and being a perfectionist.

Because perfection is subjective, I dare to say most of us struggle with perfectionism more than we realize. Listening to our self-talk will probably help us to identify how real the struggle is for us.

Some woman dress perfectly each day and still aren’t happy with how they look. Criticizing their reflection in the mirror every time they see it.

Some keep a spotless house but still worry that others are judging how long it has been since they have washed the windows.

Others avoid talking about family because they don’t want others to realize how heartbroken they are over a parodical child or addicted sibling.

The search for perfection is a discouraging and pointless pursuit.

The best news is the Lord actually took care of our greatest need per Hebrews 10:14

For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

(The Message)

I’m so thankful He is making me holy through His sacrifice. It is a process for sure though.

When we invite the Lord into our areas of perfectionism He helps us see things differently.

When looking in the mirror we see a beautiful woman created in His image with unique and special physical features.

When looking around her home she sees the blessing of the roof over here head, the people he has placed in her family, and the many special memories created there.

When thinking of your wayward loved one you remember to lift them up in prayer and ask your friends to join you in praying.

In what ways is the Lord perfecting you in this area of perfectionism?

Kathi Lipp and Cheri Gregory wrote a book called The Cure for the Perfect Life where they examine what Try-Harder Living has done to rob us of our joy and made nothing in life quite good enough. They point out that there are 4 bullies that are the main culprits: Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, Performancism and Procrastination.

Find Rest: A women’s devotional for lasting peace in a busy life

Find Rest is a beautiful devotional written by one of my favorite authors, Shaunti Feldhahn. This is a departure from her typical books.

Shaunti is a social researcher who has found the common struggle in woman trying to do it all only to find themselves feeling frazzled and frenzied due to the crazy business of life.

This 60-day devotional is packed with great insights and encouragement.

Some days we juggle all the balls of life well but many we wish we could just have a do-over. Shaunti reminds us of the words of our savior, ” Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul.” Matthew 11:28-29
Through daily devotions, reflection questions and room to journal a little she walks with us to a place for finding rest.

(Not to mention the book is beautiful. The illustrations are joyful and peacefilled too.)

There are 8 elements Shaunti shares that will help you Find Rest

Build Only on Rock

Love According to Your Design

Set Aside Supermom

Connect with God

Shift Your Perspective

Create Life=Giving Relationships

Walk in Obedience

Have No Fear

Each of the elements is the theme of the daily devotions and definitely help you discover lasting peace in a busy life.

I enjoyed this devotional so much my friend Nancy Booth and I will be using it as a support resource for our new group coaching opportunity, BE Peacefilled. You receive the beautiful hardcover edition of this devotional when you sign up to be a part of the class. (Want to know more, don’t miss out on the chance to join us LEARN MORE.)

Does rest make it on your to-do list?

Today

There are so many things to do just to keep our worlds spinning these days it can be difficult to remember what rest is much less to be intentional about pursuing it.

In the Past

Benjamin Franklin said, “He that can take rest is greater than he that can take cities.” I would venture to say rest is not valued the same today as it once was.

The Importance of Rest is well known.

Research is showing us over and over again how important rest is to our lives. Healthier bodies, less stress, deeper relationships, the opportunity for reflection, balance, increased production and reserve for life’s emergencies are just some of the benefits Joshua Becker shared in an article, The Lost Practice of Resting One Day Each Week. https://www.becomingminimalist.com/resting/

If you were to put rest on your to-do list what would that look like to you?

When I asked my Facebook friends I got a variety of different answers, here are just a few…

Rest can look like many different ways no doubt.

Ways to embrace rest.

There are many resources to learn how to embrace rest in your life. Try breaking it down into manageable steps.You can think in seasons, Spring is here and Summer is on its way, how can you plan to embrace rest at the change of your routine. Find rest for your brain take up a new hobby, maybe even take a class to learn something new, find rest for your soul by going on a retreat, or find rest for your body by getting outside and enjoy the sun. Need a smaller step? Take a daybreak. Plan a day of rest. Focus on the areas of your life that need it most. Can’t fit in a full day? Set aside minutes here and there throughout the day. Find a way to keep the kids busy so you can enjoy a good book. Call a friend, enjoy a wonderful conversation or even a coffee date. Go to bed early, it might be just what your body needs.

Seek Rest in the Lord.

Finally, jump into the scriptures and see what God has to say about rest can give you great insight.

One of my favorite verses about rest isBefore I love the thought of Jesus displacing worry in my life with peace.

This scripture has been true in my life over and over again. Whether it be walking through a divorce, buying a business and moving to a town where I knew no one, or marrying again even after a failed marriage the peace of Christ always drives out fear.

In what ways have you experienced rest through the Peace of Christ? I would love for you to comment below!

Daring to Hope: Finding God’s Goodness in the Broken and Beautiful is an amazing and encouraging read. I was so blessed by Katie Majors’ amazing commitment and obedience to the Lord.

As a teenager, Katie went on a mission trip to Uganda which changed her life forever. When she returned to the states her desire to follow the dreams she had before she went we completely gone. She decided to make the move to Uganda permanently rather than to head to college.

In Uganda, she started a nonprofit called Amazima Ministries. Her mission is Helping to educate and empower the people of Uganda with God’s love.

She is passionate about helping people, in this book she shares how she works with woman and families to find the love of the Lord and improve their lives in any way she can.

She is active in fostering orphans, providing lay health care, helping families be united after the death as well as adoption. This book is filled with stories of raising those beautiful girls and the challenges of loving and losing.

I was so encouraged and blessed by her open heart and home. She shares how looking for blessings in even the small ways helped to heal her broken heart when one of her girls has to be returned to her mom after 4 years of being hers.

The wisdom shared in this book will bless and challenge you as you look to live out your life loving and serving as God has called you to, in your life, right where you are!