​With the summer months approaching and social events taking place, many will struggle with social anxiety to some degree. Social anxiety may present itself on a spectrum. There are various marks, depending on the individual. In general, social anxiety refers to as one’s experience of anxiety in social situations. To a certain degree, anxiety serves us well. One example of this is when we are make big decisions or are in important situations. In those cases, anxiety helps alert our mind to the risks, which consequently brings us to think more thoroughly through our choices and/or behaviors. But for those who struggle with some form of social anxiety, every day events such as starting a conversation or attending an event can be very stressful. There are helpful techniques one can practice and incorporate when starting and continuing a successful, pleasant conversation with another individual.

Pointers for starting a conversation

When starting a conversation, you want to be aware of making eye contact and speaking loud enough for others to hear you.

When starting a conversation, start by speaking about something general, and not too personal, such as the weather. Another conversation starter is giving someone a compliment, or simply introducing yourself by saying “we haven’t met, I’m…”

Pointers for continuing a conversation:

Carrying conversation takes more than one-person participation; therefore, it’s best to keep a balance between contributing to the conversation and listening. Try not to speak too much.

Another point to be aware of is maintaining a genuine sense of self, and to some degree a certain sense of vulnerability. People appreciate vulnerability (though not too much since it can put people off when they don’t know you well enough). Others may relate to what you are saying or presenting, and this gives them a chance to normalize that feeling for themselves.

When you are first getting to know someone, you want to show some curiosity about who they are, while being careful not to get too personal (as it can put people off since you just met). Try to keep your questions open ended since such questions require more than a yes or no answer. Examples of open-ended questions would be questions that begin with what, why or where. Some topics to bring up that are not too personal would be their hobbies or their line of work.

Author

Shira Keller-Ohana, MHC-LP is a psychotherapist in New York City where she provides individual, couple, and family counseling. You can contact Shira at shira@mwr.nyc read more of her blog posts at www.mwr.nyc/blog yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.