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In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."
Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak."
In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."
On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."
On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."
On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."
On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"
On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

[LIST=1]
[*]Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
[*]If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
[*]Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
[*]Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
[*]Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
[*]A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
[*]Plagiarism saves time.
[*]If at first you don't succeed, try management.
[*]Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
[*]TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
[*]The beatings will continue until morale improves.
[*]Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
[*]We waste time, so you don't have to.
[*]Hang in there, retirement is only fifty years away!
[*]Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
[*]A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
[*]When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
[*]INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
[*]Succeed in spite of management.
[*]Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.[/LIST]

[CENTER]On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed.
It rolled off the table and onto the floor,
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door.
It rolled in the garden and under a bush,
And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush.
So, if you eat spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
Hold onto your meatball and don’t ever sneeze.
[/CENTER]