Sheridan Park, Illinois I’d like to think I’m a “second-chance kind of person” but there are conditions. If you fail to bend at the hip to pick something up off the floor that doesn’t belong there, ten-to-one, you’re going to hear about it in the form of bitching, maybe even an illustrated step-by-step on how the feat is to be performed. I’m not likely to cut all ties because of the offense. (This is clearly demonstrated, I might add, by still being hitched after 20 years)

Apparently I live in a world where reason and good judgement and common sense aren’t prevalent. In my world, trying to fucking kill me is a non-sequitur. If you lay a hand on me, even threaten to, you can bet your sweet ass your hair is going to land on a voodoo doll I keep in the hutch and I’m going to practice every barbaric contortion on that motherfucker I can imagine. No second chances. But maybe it’s because I’m not capable of the certain special kind of love mixed with poor fucking judgement. (more…)

Citrus County, Florida This is a short and sweet story coming out of Florida. I could have just gotten away with posting his mugshot that features his uncanny resemblance to Uncle Fester while sporting a tee-shirt that screams, “No shit”, but his alleged crime completes a trifecta. (more…)

MAGNOLIA, Ark I’ll try not to get too distracted by these mugshots but since I mentioned it, can’t you see the stupid just ooze from their faces? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for those who actually look like this…I can spot them within a mile and turn the fuck around and head the other way. The only bad thing is, stupid breeds and sometimes with devastating results.(more…)

Corpus Christi, Florida In March of this year, Kevin Davis decided he’d run away from home, so he jumped on his bicycle and peddled his happy ass out of town. Riding along the railroad tracks, he decided to ditch his bike and his backpack behind some brush, walk up to the first house he saw, knocked upon the door and asked the poor residents to call the police because he’d just killed somebody. The most I ever get at my front door are Jehovah’s Witnesses and the pissed off neighbors.

San Diego, California Number 1: This particular baby has nothing to do with this story. Number 2: I really hate this pose, now that I’ve seen a few thousand variations of it in different degrees of awfulness. Number 3: This particular story does feature a premature baby and photographs…and a pediatric nurse who fostered that baby when no one else seemed to take interest.

Given the heartwarming introduction to this nurse, how is it this story made its way to being featured on CrimeCrawlers? Well, my friends, not every story here has to be filled with death, destruction, and debauchery. Some stories are chosen to make you feel good.(more…)

Hull, United Kingdom Those who know me, know I have an unnatural fondness for midgets. For years I’ve thought the perfect birthday gift would be a baker’s dozen midgets all tied up with a leash bow and delivered to my door. I’d walk ’em, nurture ’em, and rent ’em out for parties. I’d gladly accept all ages but prefer the older ones, they’re already potty-trained, but there’s an exception to every rule…it looks as though Ian Salter-Bromley (54) needs a little more work.