A day in the life of a Goblin Smithy and his adventures through Vana'diel. He'll laugh, he'll cry, he'll get stabbed to death by six people...
It's a metaphor really.
For getting stabbed.
A lot.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Playing With Fire

Do you know a great way to start your day?

Try putting rubbing alcohol on about 1400 scratches and bites in order to replace potential infection with immediate pain.

All the cool kids are doing it.

Well, after that fun, fun morning, I was in the mood to murder some people.

Murdering always puts me in a better mood.

Now, where would be the best place for me to find a bunch of idiots who are just asking to be killed?

I'm kidding.

That's what Yuhtunga Jungle is for.

See, there is a very important difference between Yuhtunga Jungle and Yhoator Jungle.

In Yhoator Jungle, parties are higher in level and can actually put up a pretty good fight. Some of the parties may even come after me by choice.

In Yuhtunga Jungle, the parties are lower in level and can barely fight their way out of a wet paper bag. In Yuhtunga, Smithy is synonomous with death.

While I'm often in the mood for a challenge, today is all about stress relief.

Stress relief and stabbing players to death.

So as soon as my shift starts, I head over to Yuhtunga Jungle.

Now, I could be a nice goblin and and set up camp in a far off tunnel.

Or I could hang out right at the zoneline where all the fresh meat n00bs come to party.

What do you think I decided to do?

The fun part of Yuhtunga Jungle is that there are only so many safe places to set up a camp. If all of these spots are taken, your group may have to find a "less safe" place to work.

And it just so happens one of these "less safe" places is right on top of one of my spawn points.

Seriously. You people make this too easy some days.

It was a busy day in the Jungle today and, of course, all of the good spots were taken.

One intrepid young group decided that leveling was worth the risk of camping near my hang out.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

They had to be educated.

I will give them credit, though. Those people were brave.

Not smart, but brave.

I mean, what kind of balls must it take to set up camp near someone who has made a career of killing people just like you?

Well... balls or mental deficiency.

Still, they were in my territory and I had to make sure they understood that.

GoblinSmithy>> Ahem.GoblinSmithy>> Excuse me.Player>> Uhh...Player>> Hi...GoblinSmithy>> Do you know where you are?Player>> We're in Yuhtunga Jungle.GoblinSmithy>> No, no, no.GoblinSmithy>> You're in the United States of Smithy.Player>> The what?GoblinSmithy>> The United States of Smithy.GoblinSmithy>> Have you not heard of us?Player>> I can't say that I have.GoblinSmithy>> Well... that is a problem.Player>> Why?Player>> Why is that a problem?GoblinSmithy>> You have illegally entered our nation.GoblinSmithy>> We frown upon this.Player>> Frown?GoblinSmithy>> Did I say "frown upon"?GoblinSmithy>> I meant "murder people for".Player>> But we're all the way over here.Player>> We're not even bothering you.GoblinSmithy>> I'm sorry, but the law is the law.GoblinSmithy>> Our king has ruled you must be executed.Player>> There must be something we can do.GoblinSmithy>> I'd like to help you out.GoblinSmithy>> I really would.GoblinSmithy>> But the King's word is law.Player>> Who's your king?GoblinSmithy>> Well... that'd be me.Player>> So can't you let us go?GoblinSmithy>> Sadly, no.GoblinSmithy>> I can, however, stab you to death.Player>> That doesn't sound very nice.GoblinSmithy>> I would think not.Player>> Wait...Player>> Why is he allowed to enter your country?GoblinSmithy>> He?GoblinSmithy>> He who?

You -- then gave us a shot amount of excitement... in a LONG period of onion squashing and more earth crystals than you can throw a Galka at. (Being A Mithra myself, I can't throw a Galka very far, but DAMN, can I ever find a lot of earth crystals to throw one at.)

So, no, I have never hated you.

Now, RESENT you, yes. Dislike you, certainly. Seriously wish I could do to you what you did to me?

Oh, ALTANA'S SOUL, Yes.

And so, when I am on my way to Norg as a DRG 60, Why yes, from time to time, I see a Goblin Smithy, (Perchance even you) and say to myself, Well... Not "Oh, it's time for PAYBACK, you jerk", but...

"I'm going to need pocket change for the chocobo back... Hmm.. Smithy's carry a little gil. Take out three or four, pays for the bird."

The handy thing with the zoneline of yuhtunga is that it is so nice and close to a nomad moogle! See the problem is twofold.

Experienced players avoid you at lvl 24-26 unless their party is PL'd or set just right, no problem there, you are there to murder noobs, population control so to speak! Moron prevention society of the US of Smithy.

Problem is with HL people zoneing and comming back to kill you off with HL jobs is that it increases the current trend of HL retards that were PL'd up through the lvls and can't fight for shit!

No smithy is the answer, he is our check and balance, he is Lord God Noob Slayer :)