December 31, 2014

It gets so tiring
after a while browsing Korean videos, noticing the number of comments attacking
Korean celebrities and people in general as "plastic" or
"fake" when the video has nothing to do with beauty or appearance. I
noticed this after watching a number of videos about a Filipino girl group
called "Mica"who were featured
on Superstar K. This group did not make
it to the final round, so there were a number of comments from largely Filipino
viewers that it was due to discrimination for being non-Korean as well as for
not being "fake" like Korean stars, both of which are preposterous if
you recognized the talent that was displayed on that show. I don't know of any
contestant on that show that had plastic surgery and I will not assume that
someone has had plastic surgery just because they are beautiful. That is
offensive and degrading. Unless there are obvious surgical scars or you have
seen before pictures that contradict this, you really can't say that. There
were a lot of average and natural looking Koreans who made it further, so the
claims about favoring "plastic" contestants were unsubstantiated. And
the notion that the Filipina group was discriminated against for being
non-Korean was unfounded as well. I thought the judges and the show in general
were pretty generous with how far they let this group go into the competition,
considering the fact that they were kind of awkward in their stage presence,
messed up the pronunciation of Korean songs, and over sang a lot. Being a
talented performer is not about showing off and belting as much as you can, but
knowing when to pull back and be subtle. They
also could have worked on their presentation because the way they dressed was a
bit shabby. The other contestants didn't wear flashy clothes necessarily, but
they were clean cut and presentable. Perhaps it was a budgetary problem, but
they could have done a better job without spending a lot of money. As a
performer, you need to take responsibility for how you present yourself,
including how you dress. There were people who have shown up for Superstar K in t-shirts and blue jeans, but
they were clean and presentable, so money is not the issue. I was amazed at how
un-objective some viewers were in evaluating their performances just because
they were from the same country as the singers. If those girls had gone to a
non-Korean country, they probably wouldn't have gotten translators to help them
through the competition. I believe that they were given a lot of accommodation
by the judges and the show in general despite the fact that the producers would
not make a lot of money from having them on the show as Superstar K does not really broadcast in the Philippines, so
there would not be much revenue from that audience.Some Filipino viewers were a bit culturally chauvinistic, saying
that the show should just name those girls the winner after their first
appearance, never considering that it's a talent competition and a show that
needs to create revenue. National ego does not supersede the fact thatSuperstar Kis a business that people rely on for work and
revenue. There are other contestants in the competition that deserve a chance
and your desire to have a fellow countryman be named the winner does not negate
any of that. It is a bit self-serving and arrogant as if to say, "Korea,
you should bow down to the talent of these Filipinas because they are better
than any of the Korean and other contestants will be."

It's ironic that
people can be this nationalistic because these women, formerly known as the Gollayan Sisters, have been on talent shows in
their home country, the Philippines, and yet they only went so far there
despite having won a number of singing competitions in their home country like
"It's Showtime" (ABS-CBN News).
They went pretty far on Superstar-K, a Korean show, given their performances, yet
some viewers are criticizing that show and Korea in general for not giving them
a place further in the competition. Superstar-K
did not have to accept these contestants into the competition. The show did not
have to hire a translator to assist them during the competition. The judges did
not have to be so generous with them. But the show was generous and yet that is
not acknowledged by these nationalistic commenters because the only acceptable
outcome would be having those Filipina women win the competition. If you want
your singers to go far, why not take responsibility for that in the Philippines
instead of blaming Korea for not giving them the chance? If the Filipino record
industry cannot recognize their talent, why should Korea? The competition was
actually too generous to those women because objectively, they did not perform
as well as the other contestants. There was a lot of victim-whining on the part
of some commenters, saying that the Korean judges should give those women more
time to learn how to sing in Korean. This is a Korean singing competition, so
it should be a given that you should know how to sing Korean well. Actually,
there were other foreign contestants on Superstar K that sang much better than
these Filipina girls, but they were eliminated much earlier, like Greg from the
U.S. and a Muslim Indonesian singer. I don't know if they were on the same
season, but they were eliminated much earlier than this girl group. I believe
that they did not get as far as these women because they did not have much of a
sympathy card due to the fact that they were a little older and came off as
more strong and independent and better off. Those Filipina girls were barely in
adulthood and gave a more sympathetic image due to their youth and hard luck
image. You can't deny the importance of a profound personal story in the
context of reality television. So despite the claims of discrimination and
unfairness, I would have to disagree with the nationalistic commenters and say
that the group was given a lot of favor despite their lackluster performances.

As a side note,
Jessica Sanchez, the Filipina-Mexican American singer who was a finalist on American Idol performed much more skillfully
than Mica. However, even after Phillip
Phillips won instead of her, I did not notice as many negative comments about
America besides the observation that it was due to race that she was not chosen
as the winner. I would have to agree with that assessment as the talent level
between her and the other contestant was large. She also belted too much in the
beginning, but took P. Diddy's advice about holding back and she followed
through with that. Mica also got a
similar note from an established Korean female singer, yet they continued to
belt, showing that they were not willing to learn and work on themselves. It's
not just about having potential, but knowing how to realize it. That is
something that those girls need to learn. Conversely, John Park did not get as
far on American Idol, yet you did not hear racist or offensive comments from
Koreans regarding that because objectively, he was not the best performer in
the group despite being a great singer. I really don't know who it serves to
respond so immaturely to such outcomes, fair or not. It's being part of the
problem instead of working toward a solution. I was pretty disappointed and
amazed that people could be that racist, petty, and immature.

Reading a number of
comments, it surprises me how naïve some people can be regarding this issue.
You can see this on a number of Korea-related sites like blogs or videos on
Youtube, etc. On one hand, you have the female Kpop or Korean drama fans who
want to marry a Korean because they think that he will be like someone from a
drama or look like a Kpop star, the latter actually being more realistic than
the former. On the other hand, you have these foreign guys who want to marry
Korean women because of what they see in those mediums as well as stereotypes
they have about Korean women. Regardless of the images they have about Koreans,
they will be somewhat moderated by actual experiences dating them. I say
"somewhat" because even after dating, there are lingering assumptions
that continue unless they are dispelled beforehand either through experience or
dialogue. In order for that to happen, people need to realize what they really
want out of a marriage and discuss that before getting serious. I find that
people who are not Korean, yet are looking specifically to marry a Korean have
a bit of a shopper's mentality, being consumeristic, looking to see what they
can get out of the relationship rather than recognizing it for the
responsibility and commitment that it is. Because there is an underlying
assumption that they will get this fantasy marriage and everything will be
great, but how are they going to make that happen when they don't really know
what they want and what they need to do to create it?

There is a reason a
lot of Korean parents object to their children marrying out of the culture.
Because they believe that there will be a cultural gap between themselves and
their child's spouse. Like every culture, Koreans have an idea of what a proper
husband or wife is, what a proper marriage is, and what a proper mother/father
is. And these ideas are shaped by the culture, so it is natural to expect that
if you are from a different culture, that you will have at least somewhat
different ideas about what those things are. There is a way to relate to
parents that may be different from culture to culture. In Korea, the wife has a
greater responsibility to care for her in-laws than in the West. This can take
various forms, but generally more would be asked of a daughter-in-law in Korea
than the son or daughter. The son would be relied upon for financial support,
but more care would be required of the daughter-in-law. The daughter, if she was married, would
generally not be asked for much support as she would have her own husband,
in-laws, and children to tend to. In the West, parents usually rely on their
children first before getting help from their daughter-in-law as they have less
of a responsibility. Of course, it varies from family to family, but generally
children are relied upon first before asking sons and daughters-in-law for
additional support. Non-Korean wives might be taken aback by the amount of
responsibility required by their Korean in-laws. This might be minimal in the
case of couples who live separately from the husband's parents or it may
require more effort if the couple lives with the parents in addition to
celebrating je-sa (ancestral worship).

I know of a Korean
movie actress who lived in the U.S. with her husband, son and his American wife
along with their daughter. Never have I seen a Korean woman so angry on a show.
This woman was livid because her daughter was not Korean and so unfamiliar with
a lot of Korean customs, naturally. The setup they had was that the Korean
woman cooked for the family instead of her American daughter-in-law. I could
understand why she chose to do that, probably because her daughter-in-law did
not know how to cook Korean meals. On the other hand, I could not understand
why she did not choose to teach her American daughter-in-law how to do so. At
that time, the granddaughter was about four years old, so there should have
been plenty of time for her to teach her daughter-in-law by then. Instead, the
actress was so angry because she felt so burdened by the responsibility of
cooking the family meals when she should have been relaxing as the
mother-in-law. It was a very awkward situation as she did not really acknowledge
her daughter-in-law and there was a lot of hostility displayed as she prepared
the meals. Of course, if a mother-in-law has to spend a lot of time teaching
her daughter-in-law how to do a good job, that is considered a failure because
the daughter-in-law should come prepared to take on that role before she gets
married. If you are not Korean, you probably aren't going to get that
information because it is something that Korean mothers pass on to their
daughters. That is why you see much less marriages between Korean men and
foreign women. Daughters-in-law are too much of an integral part of the family
that if your son marries the wrong woman, then it really disrupts the family
order. As a daughter-in-law, you have to know how to attend to your in-laws,
the extended family, as well as deal with friends of your husband and in-laws,
most of whom will probably be Korean. If your child is brought up in Korea, you
have to know how to be an education manager and deal with the Korean school
system because that is what your child will need to master if they are to have
a good future.

If you are a
son-in-law, you will not be expected to be an education manager, as women are
generally given the responsibility of primary caregiver for children. You will,
however, be expected to be a good provider. Most of the foreigners that are in
Korea are in the military or English teachers, both of which do not have a
great reputation in Korea. They're generally not lucrative positions with a few
exceptions and they do not have a good status due to bad behavior on the part
of some in those groups. Obviously, there are Korean women who marry some of
these men, but not necessarily with great support from their families. I've
seen a lot of posts citing the advantages that foreign men have over Korean
ones and I can't really say that I agree with them because they are generally
based on false stereotypes of Korean men as being more sexist and too
traditional. I would generally agree
that Korean men are more traditional than Western men, but I don't think that
necessarily has to mean more sexist. There are a lot of young Korean men who do
help out with childcare and chores when both spouses work. In traditional
households, there is a delegation of responsibility where the man is considered
the provider whereas the woman is considered the homemaker. I don't see one
role as lesser, but just different. There have been comments about how foreign
men are more accepting of heavier women, but I have seen plump women get
married to Koreans. Korean men do prefer a thinner standard than Western men,
but that is just one consideration and not a deal breaker overall. Marrying a
foreign man would give a Korean woman the opportunity to immigrate overseas,
but what a petty reason to marry anyone. It's not like there are no other ways
to immigrate besides marriage and to be frank, I don't think anyone wants to be
used as a green card. Those marriages tend not to last. Marrying a foreign man
would relieve the Korean woman from having to take care of the in-laws, but at
the same time, would you really want to marry someone who was not willing to
help out with your family? The reasons presented by some foreign men about how
they are much better matches do not really add up because they are neglecting
the fact that the Korean woman is going to have to give up something in the
process. She may get all the benefits stated above. At the same time, she is
giving up the prospect of someone who is going to understand her culture and
her family in a way that is difficult if you are not raised in the Korean
culture. She's going to have to explain a lot of things and her husband may or
may not get it based on his willingness to understand and learn. For too many
foreign men, being foreign is enough to be a good husband because of all the
"advantages" they confer on their Korean wife. But they fail to
recognize that there is going to be a sacrifice in the process on the part of
the Korean woman. The same can be said of any couple in an intercultural
marriage.

Marriage requires
commitment and work. You need to make sure that you are on board in regards to
children, family, finances, religion, etc. It's not just about feeling good
about spending time with the other person. It's about taking responsibility so
that you can be there as much as you need to be for the other person. It's not
about how much you can get, but how much you are willing to give in the
relationship. And that is what will determine whether your marriage will work
out or not. So what people really need to understand is what they really want
out of a marriage and whether they can help their partner out as well.
Otherwise, they are just going to waste time and be disappointed in the end. If
you marry someone from another culture, it's going to be different perhaps in a
way that you don't like, so do your homework and make sure that you know what
you are getting into because marriage is very different from dating. It's a
responsibility.

The mixed couples
who tend to do the best are ones where they did not seek to marry a partner of
a specific ethnicity, but through happenstance found one another. Because it is
ultimately about the other person's character and understanding and if you are
stuck on a label, than you are just missing the whole point. If you are going
to marry someone of another culture, you better do your homework and part of
that is learning enough about your partner's culture to understand where they
are coming from. They have only spent twenty plus years growing up and being
part of that culture, so it is a big part of who they are. I really don't
understand some foreign people (usually men) who do not make the effort to
understand their partner's culture. It's like they are saying that the only
thing that matters in the relationship is what they can get from it. That is
not a formula for a great marriage and a big part of the reason why some mixed
marriages do not last, because either people do not know what they are getting
into or they are not willing to do the work necessary to make their marriage
great. Learning about another culture is an education and a commitment, so
Korean and other parents from cultures where marrying within the culture is
strongly emphasized, are not being racist, but realistic and practical. It's
all about understanding and if you are too self-centered to bother about it,
then don't expect your Korean partner's parents to receive you warmly. That's
why a lot of Koreans prefer to marry someone Korean because they want to be
sure that they will be with someone who understands and respects the Korean
culture. They don't have to go through the hassle of vetting out whether
someone is truly committed to understanding or not. Yes, I am sure there are
Koreans who are disrespectful or disinterested in the culture and good luck if
you seek to lower yourself to that standard. If you want to marry someone, I
would think that you would want to bring your best self to the relationship
instead of getting away with being as jerky as you can. If you really want to
marry a Korean person, you should make sure that you are going to be as great
of a partner as a Korean could be. That's showing the same commitment to
understanding and respecting the culture as an ideal Korean partner would. If
you're not willing to do the work or take on that commitment, why even marry?

Ultimately, marriage
is a responsibility. Some foreigners seem to think that it means that they will
just continue the same experiences they had when they dated their partner. To a
point, yes, but marriage is a different ball game and if you expect it to be
exactly the same as when dating, you are headed for a mountain of trouble. The
responsibilities expected of a partner in a Korean marriage are different from
a Western one, especially in regards to care of in-laws. That's why you need to
understand the culture so that you can understand your partner and his/her
family more. If you're not willing to do that, I seriously question how ready
you are for marriage to anyone, period.

December 22, 2014

Edited 12/25 - See bolded part of 4th and 5th paragraph.There is a danger to
the user created authority generated by popularity on social media. This is
evident in the case of Simon and Martina, two Canadian English teachers living
in South Korea who have gained quite a following on Youtube to the point where
they have been deferred to as an authority for all things Korean and Kpop by
many viewers and unexpectedly, the media like Al Jazeera. It is an unfortunate
turn of events as they really do not have the authority to speak as experts on
such matters, lacking the requisite language skills or understanding of Korean
history or culture that comes from critical analysis, formal education, or
experience. I am aware of this because they have posted that they feel like it
is enough to learn enough Korean to get around and enjoy life there, but that
they are not really focused on being fluent. So I was taken aback recently
after watching a video of them talking about single mothers in Korea. I thought
they generally focused on Kpop and their own reflections about living as
foreigners in Korea, but when you talk about major social issues, there is an
extra onus of responsibility. You're still responsible for whatever you write,
but you should take extra care when writing things about a society because they
are major statements that people might take literally. It's not just rambling
about your opinions, but asserting a "fact" and that does affect a
lot of people.

In their video, they make a number of assertions that are false and
unfounded. The most basic being that there is no term for single mother in
Korean. There is. It's '미혼모' , which translates to 'unwed mother',
a woman who has had a child out of wedlock, not a mother who becomes single through
divorce or widowhood. For the purposes of this post, I will focus on single
mothers as it is used in the Korean context, which is women who bear children
out of wedlock. They mention that when Koreans do talk about single mothers,
that they only use the English term. They deduce that it is due to the fact
that no such term exists in Korean. What they fail to recognize is that perhaps
Koreans do not use it as much because there is less of a stigma to the term
"single mother", being that it is an English term which is not
connected to the past when Koreans had a less favorable view of the phenomenon.
Based on the limited information and interaction they have had with Korean
single mothers, one Korean single mother, Simon and Martina drew a false
conclusion. This happens quite a lot in the ESL blogosphere because you have a
group of people who are drawing upon an incomplete set of information about
Korea due to their lack of social contacts, language skills, and understanding
of the Korean culture. I recall reading a similar post by a female Canadian
expat who claimed that Korean culture did not expect Korean men to be good providers
for their families and it was only the influence of their individual families
and NOT Korean culture that made Korean men good providers. This really made me
scratch my head as the breadwinner role is a strong expectation placed on
Korean men, much greater than in the U.S. or other Western countries where
house husbands are more accepted. This Canadian woman had the experience of
dealing with a Korean husband who did not do his part to support their family,
so she mistakenly assumed that it was a common practice in Korean culture. That
is why it's so important to study and understand another culture if you want to
interpret it correctly. Otherwise, you are just projecting your own cultural
models and going off on limited and incorrect information.

To truly understand
the plight of single mothers in Korea, you would have to have a basic grasp of
sociology, Korean history, and know enough of the Korean language to interact
with the right people who would be able to direct you to the right resources.
Simon and Martina are not in this position. They are English teachers with an
interest in Kpop who have lived in Korea for a few years. You can live in a
country for 20 years and still not know much about the language or culture. They may be able to share their individual
experiences as foreigners living and working in Korea, but they cannot share an
educated or informed opinion about the country because they don't really have
the skills to do so. They are basing their opinions on limited interactions
with Korean single mothers and Korean society in general. As foreign English
teachers living in Korea, they aren't going to get the full Korean experience
because they are so sheltered. The people they work with speak some English or
there is at least one person around to help them in English. In Korea,
foreigners are not really expected to know much Korean or that much about
Korean culture, so they are given a lot of accommodation that Koreans would not
normally get. They are getting the filtered down experience that foreigners who
don't make enough of an effort to learn the language or culture to great
fluency do. Because when you don't take time to understand a language or
culture, you tend to impose your own constructs of them based on your home
culture or language, essentially projecting a Western view on a Korean
phenomenon. Just because you have a hammer does not mean that everything needs
to be pounded. A hammer is not right for everything as an understanding of
North American culture does not always translate to understanding Korean or
other cultures. There's a different tool kit required and until you learn the
language and culture properly, you're just not going to have it.

A lot of Koreans
look down on unwed mothers because they are not considered respectable. The
view is that if you were a proper lady, you would wait until marriage to have
sex. In North America, waiting until marriage is largely considered prudish or,
at the very least, unnecessary outside of a few circles. You can still be
considered a respectable woman even after having had multiple sexual partners,
but of course, there are exceptions. Generally, it is considered par for the
course in relationship and dating life. In Korea, that is generally not the
case. Waiting for marriage is the proper thing to do and if you don't, then you
are not respectable, you were not raised properly, you do not have the right
values. Because Korea is a more traditional and conservative society, that is
the prevailing attitude. I do believe that there is discrimination against
single mothers in Korea, but I really disagree with what Simon and Martin said
as well as how they said it. Because they do not present a balanced view of
things and are making a lot of ignorant assumptions about Korean society. They
say that the lack of social services is a reflection of the prejudice toward
single mothers in Korea. Perhaps, in part. But ultimately, it is reflective of
the social welfare system in Korea. In Korea, people are expected to take care
of their families, including their aging parents. By "aging parents", I do not mean people who are in their fifties or sixties. By "aging", I mean people who are in their seventies and eighties, who probably need assistance with driving, etc.Yes, they are both aging, but the distinction is that one group can be independent, while the other group needs caregiving support.There are a lot of young couples nowadays who live separately from the husband's parents. In more traditional families, however, couples are generally expected to live and take care of the husband's parents if the husband is the eldest or the only son.In America, the expectation
is that you take care of your children until 18, but it really is up to the
individual whether they will go beyond that. It's nice to take care of your
parents, but there is not as much of a stigma as there is in more traditional
societies to put them up in care facilities. Koreans also have facilities for
the elderly, but it is generally expected that if you are able to do so, you
should take on the care of your aging parents. The Korean government is
interested in cutting out any unnecessary spending, so why should they spend as
much on an expense that is not as necessary as in Western countries who have a
different social structure? I'm not saying that the Korean government should
not increase its welfare spending. What I am saying is that it has not been a
priority until now because social welfare has largely been the responsibility
of an individual's family in Korea. In the U.S., the government has to take on
a greater burden for the social support of individuals because the nuclear
family is not as prevalent. There does need to be a balance in recognizing that
not every one has a supportive family that can help them. But excessive social
welfare is not the answer.

Simon and Martina
believe that the Korean government should provide support to single mothers. I
will disagree in part. Ultimately, it is the parents job to provide for their
children. I understand the government's reluctance to increase social welfare spending
for single mothers as opposed to providing support for two-parent families who
have children. Single motherhood is not something that should be encouraged. I'm not saying that women want to have babies so that they can get government support. I truly do not believe that people want to be on welfare, but that they go on it because they don't know how to get out of it. Welfare needs to exist because sometimes, people do fall on hard times despite their best efforts and there does need to be a social safety net to support people. However, the lax attitude toward premarital sex and children born out of wedlock in the U.S. has led to the
alarming rate of roughly half of all first-born children in the U.S. being born
to single mothers this year (CBS News). You can blame a lack of birth control for some of that statistic, but a large part of it has to do with the social acceptability of cohabitation before marriage as well as the idea that it is acceptable to have a child without being married first. Birth control is not 100% effective. Even if it is 99% effective, I doubt that would be great comfort to anyone who is part of the 1%. There are too many people that believe that a child should not be a consideration when deciding to marry their partner. If you are not compatible, then you are not compatible and that is what needs to be recognized. At the same time, there is a responsibility to the child to do your best to give them a two-parent, stable household. The role of a mother and father are equally important and it is in the best interests of the child to be given that when possible. The statistics are also inflated due to gay couples and single women choosing to have children on their own through artificial methods. In the case of the former, of course, they're not going to be married because gay marriage has not been legalized in most states. In the case of the latter, I disagree with the prospect. It is best for children to grow up in a stable, two-parent home. I believe in a compassionate government
that emphasizes personal responsibility, but if there is too much support, the
burden is taken away from fathers to support their children from divorce. I
believe that there needs to be stronger enforcement for getting child support
from deadbeat dads and that is something I agree with in the video. Is there
discrimination against single mothers in Korea? Yes, but they make it seem like
all single mothers are discriminated against. But I will have to take Simon and
Martina to task for a lot of their unfounded assumptions.

They make a lot of
mistaken assumptions about Korea for various reasons:

They are not critical
thinkers. I got that the first time that I saw their videos. They mean
well, but they simply look at the world in too naïve and simple of a lens.
They don't know how to discern information properly. They lack the ability
for critical inductive and deductive reasoning. For one thing, they say
that there is no stigma against deadbeat fathers in South Korea. That is
not true. There is. I don't know of any Korean who would approve of a man
not paying child support or taking care of his own children. But no one is
going to announce to the world that they are a single father so that other
people could gossip about him. Where would Simon and Martina or anyone
hear about this unless they personally knew a deadbeat father? The only
way they would hear it is through idle gossip, which his baby mama, her
family, his family, and their friends are probably not going to do
considering the stigma of out-of-wedlock pregnancy. It's easy to hide the
fact that you are a deadbeat father, but not so much if you are a single
woman with a child living with you. Those are simply the facts. Are there
people in Korea who might not care? Sure, but that doesn't mean that
deadbeat fatherhood is universally accepted in Korea without consequences.

They don't know enough Korean
to know what is being said out there in Korean media and society. They
have posted that they have no desire to be fluent, but just know enough to
get around and enjoy their life in Korea. This is very different from
having enough Korean skill to read the media and understand sociological
reports and studies. They are mainly getting their information from Korean
news in English and from their own Korean friends, both of which are
limited sources. The Korean news in English is filtered to the interests
of foreigners. Individual stories from friends are not representative of
the whole.

They lack a nuanced
understanding of the world. They want the world to fit into their lens of
convenience. The world cannot be reduced to sound bites. If you are truly
committed to understanding, you won't stop until you get it. They're a bit
too reductive in the way they try to understand the world and Korea. One
does not have to have a PhD. in ethnic studies to understand the impact of
racism. Nor does one need a PhD. in Korean studies to understand Korea,
but one does need to approach things with a critical mind.

If
you are going to write something, be intelligent about it. Do your research.
Truly understand whether you are going to have the skills to understand what
you are talking about. If you say something ill-informed, it is your
responsibility to correct that. People need to be more critical about what they
choose to put out. Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from responsibility.
If you truly want to inform the world, you need to be committed to
understanding otherwise you are just going to spout out a lot of ignorant
nonsense and end up doing a lot of damage. I don't understand people who say
whatever is on their mind without any consideration for how it impacts their
audience. If you want your words to mean something, act like it and take
responsibility. Unfortunately, too many people are unconscious and just believe
anything that comes to mind. Simon and Martina are well-meaning, but they do a
lot of damage by posting such ill-informed videos on Korea. It's not just about
wanting to do well. You've got to take responsibility so that you don't do more
damage in the process.

July 25, 2014

I believe the
biggest reason why some expats will never have a good time in Korea is not due
to the country itself, but the reason they came in the first place. This is the
line that divides the kvetchpats from the other expats who truly want to have a
great time in Korea and pretty much determines the experiences that each group
will have accordingly. Kvetchpats generally come to Korea with a sense of
entitlement, expecting Korea to conform to their Western expectations while
differing on only a superficial level like food or dress. Because they have
come from multiethnic countries, they seem to believe that somehow makes them
more progressive in their outlook towards racism and social issues. They fail
to recognize that being from multiethnic countries does not make one
automatically progressive, but having a progressive attitude does. Then, there is the other group of expats
who are truly open-minded, understanding that culture is more than just food or
dress and willing to respect and understand the different ways of Korean
society. They put forth the effort and they take on the responsibility to learn
the language and understand the culture. They do their best to adapt to Korean
society as they know that they are guests and it is up to them to make the most
of their lives wherever they are.

Kvetchpats on the
other other hand generally came to Korea to appease their own egos. They
thought that they would get a free vacation, maybe doing a little work to earn
money and have a free place to stay. They look to get what they can from Korea
without taking much responsibility for how they conduct themselves or choose to
create their lives there. So they will do as little work as possible at their
schools, expect other Koreans to give them whatever they want, and not do
anything to improve their own life situation. They will blog or comment on
other blogs and forums where kvetchpats like to "blow off steam" and
bash Korea. This cycle will continue until they finally get sick of living a
miserable life and choose to leave Korea or change their attitude. I have seen
a few kvetchpats change, but I don't know of anyone that has done a complete
360. I know that is definitely possible, but it goes to show how much work
someone has to do to change deeply ingrained habits that have been present for
a long time. Ultimately, it is about personal responsibility and choosing to be
more aware, more self-critical about oneself. Until that choice is made, the
cycle will continue. I know that many kvetchpats will insist that it is their
right to be this way because Korea has made them so and so they will continue
to give all their power to Korea and be its "victim". Yeah, I guess
if you are a victim, there is nothing you can do and you are just stuck in
Korea and your miserable life. It is astounding the lengths that some people
will go to protect their "victim" status going as far as arguing
vociferously for the right of expats to be homeless in Korea instead of being
sent back to America where they would have more resources and a better chance
to pull themselves up than in a society where they do not really understand the
language and culture.

There are expats who
actually make the most of their lives in Korea, starting from the same place as
kvetchpats, at least in terms of working at schools and such. I know of an
American woman who started out as an English teacher and then got an MBA at a Korea
university, became fluent in Korean, and now has an executive position in the
Korean agricultural industry. Yes, the kvetchpats will whine, but what use is
Korean when only a few countries speak it? What use are your Korean girlfriends
and friends and co-workers when you can't express yourself in Korean and have
to get them to translate things? It is your life and if you can't see the value
of being able to communicate and get what you want, I guess you're screwed and
it will not be Korea's fault.

The real problem
with kvetchpats is that they are completely out of touch with the reality of
their situation. Instead of blaming Korea, they need to take responsibility and
recognize what they need to do make their lives better. The power will always
be out of their hands because they choose to make it so. You don't like Korea?
Then, leave. They could save enough money to start again in their home
countries, but they choose not to because they want to take the road of empty
gratification, doing little work for as much gain as possible. The problem is
not that Korea is such a horrible place to live. The problem is that until you
take responsibility for how you live, think, and conduct yourself, including
what you say and how you say it, your life isn't going to get any better.

Korea is not the
problem here. The problem is that kvetchpats have given up so much
responsibility that they have degraded themselves in the way they choose to
live and be. They think that they can compartmentalize their misbehavior on
forums and in their daily life and still present themselves as a good person
the rest of the time. People don't need to have an experience to get negative
vibes from you and that is what you create when you stew in the hateful,
negative, and unfairly critical thinking present on those forums. It's to the
point of unconsciousness and I believe that many of the kvetchpats on those
forums have gotten so mired in that way of being that they cannot see what they
are really doing. It's become an unconscious habit. Being hateful and bashing
is just normal to them. That's just the way they are, so they can't see where
they are going wrong.

I recently an
example of this in the Korean media. In one case, there was a very famous
kvetchpat blogger participating in a round table discussion with three other
people who were Korean. This was an English language network on Korean
television. I'm pretty sure that he is kind of aware that he is coming off as a
bit awkward and offensive because he has toned down a bit from his earlier
media appearances. Ironically, this individual is someone who could get a good
job in the U.S. based on his educational credentials, but chose to come back to
Korea for some reason yet continues to complain about how awful it is. During
the round table discussion, you could tell that the other participants were
kind of offended by this blogger because of his negative demeanor and somewhat
harsh comments about Korea. At the same time, you could also tell by his facial
expressions and unnaturally subdued manner that this blogger was aware of this
and a bit embarrassed by it, so he toned it down a bit compared to what you
would normally read on his blog, which is very emphatic and aggressively
negative. This is a case of someone being a victim to their own dysfunctional
thinking and not being able to do much about it in the moment because it has
become such an ingrained part of him. You can't just be respectable the rest of
your life while being hateful and degrading in others. Those things reverberate
in ways that you may not expect or be conscious of. So it is important to be
conscious and critical of one's thoughts and words otherwise you will create a
life that you don't want and blame others when it really is your
responsibility.

Keep blaming Korea
and let's see how much better your life will get. The people who have a great
life do so because they choose to take responsibility for it, not because they
expect others to create it for them. Opportunity is what you make of it, not just
what is presented to you.

Recently, Chung Kim,
an elderly Korean American man was sentenced to life in prison for shooting his
neighbors over an ongoing conflict over poop, urine, and noise. To call it a
simple dispute would trivialize the matter. Originally, there had been tension
over noise and excrement, which his neighbors had consistently dropped or sprayed into his yard by hosing
down waste in their own balcony, which was over his.

"It is well-documented that Jackson and Stafford frequently washed dog
feces from their balcony onto Kim’s. The condo’s homeowners association
received reports of dog-poop dumping dating back to August 2012.

Kim provided photos of his balcony’s poop-streaked
windows, floors and walls to a variety of entities. Animal control eventually
took the couple’s dog away, but the poop problems didn’t end. In December 2012, after Jackson gave
birth to her fifth child, the couple began tossing dirty diapers over their
balcony and onto the unit below them.

Kim and his wife owned their first floor condo and had lived there for more than a decade . . . . . In addition to voicing his complaints with the condo
association, Kim reported the excrement issues to the Dallas Police Department,
the City of Dallas Health and Human Services Department. Condo maintenance supervisor Keith Morris said he was
aware of the ongoing dispute between Kim and his neighbors.Morris said he had personally cleaned
Kim’s balcony on at least two occasions, and once used a power washer to remove
the poop (Culture Map, 1.7.14.)."

He had brought this
matter up with the police, the health department, as well as his homeowner's
association. Unfortunately, they did not do much in the matter except for clean
his balcony in the case of the homeowner's association. Animal control took the
neighbors' dog away but after their fifth child was born, they "began tossing dirty diapers over their balcony"
and onto his unit (Culture Map, 1.7.14). After a year and more of
aggravated stress without much resolution to the problem, the man decided to
confront his neighbors after they had dumped dog poop on his front door and
patio. According to the Star-Telegram:

"Investigators believe that Michelle Jackson and
Jamie Stafford, both 31, dumped their dog's excrement at the front door and on
the patio of downstairs neighbor Chung Kim, 75, according to an arrest warrant
affidavit.

During a subsequent argument, Kim "produced a
handgun" and fatally shot Jackson as she stood outside her front door on
her balcony, the affidavit stated."

On 1.7.14, Culture
Map also reported that:

"Carlata Robinson, the condo’s HOA president, testified about the extent
of the animal and baby feces on Kim’s property. She said the amount, location
and frequency of the feces made it a health issue.

On January 31, 2013, more poop appeared on Kim’s
balcony. This time, instead of being washed down from the balcony, it appeared
to be piled up deliberately on Kim’s property.

“This issue has been ongoing for months,” Robinson
wrote in an email the same day to the HOA board about Jackson and Stafford’s
behavior. “Mr. Kim is
about to reach his breaking point.”

There
was a heated confrontation and he shot several bullets, which ended up killing
the couple. I don't condone the way he handled it, but I don't think his
neighbors were without fault either. It was not a simple matter of a crazed man
who decided to "settle" things through violence. He had taken all the
reasonable measures to settle the matter by going to the police, the health
department, as well as his homeowner's situation. But they did not do much
except for get rid of the dogs. Evicting the tenants is not always such an easy
process. There are legal standards that need to be met, which may take a long
time. I don't understand why the police could not charge the neighbors with a
harassment violation or a violation of the public space like vandalism. I'm not
sure that vandalism would warrant jail time, but I think that it might have
been a deterrent to the harassing behavior of his neighbors and might have
given his homeowner's association more legal ground to evict them. Graffiti vandals
do get charged, so I do not understand why something that is much worse than
graffiti, a public health violation as well as the intentional infliction of
emotional distress, not up to legal scrutiny. Unless laws in Dallas are grossly
different from those in the rest of the United States, we have a case of
incompetence by the authorities. We have an elderly man who felt overwhelmed by
his living situation and the constant, daily emotional distress it caused him
due to the incompetence of the legal system. Thus, the old man had to put up
with this torment for a long period of a year and several months. Some people
say that he should have just moved out, but that is very blasé. Not everyone
has the means to move out. This was a retired old man on a limited income, so
just renting another place may have been a strain on his resources. His defense
attorney, "Warren[,] pointed out that Kim had no prior issues with the
homeowners association. 'He's been
there for years, and this couple comes in and in a matter of months, shakes up
his world (Culture Map).' " There was no mention of previous issues with
Mr. Kim during the trial, which the prosecutor would have brought up because it
would have bolstered his case, so I think we can safely assume that he had no
prior issues before these neighbors moved in. It was only after he had gone
through all the legal channels available to him and finding poop on his front
door and balcony did he decided to confront the neighbors on his own.

You can look at a
matter like this and say that it is silly, but if you can imagine having to
deal with the emotional distress of poop flooding your yard on a daily basis
and not just clean poop that you can pick up and throw away, but poop that is
drenched in water so that your whole yard becomes a poop drenched mess, then I
think you would be more sympathetic. The man had been through a lot at that
point. He was weak and elderly. People don't appreciate how vulnerable elderly
people can be. Their bodies and minds are weak so they just can't take these
kinds of assaults in the same way that younger people can. If he had been a
forty year old man, it would have been a different story, but I still think the
neighbors would have been culpable for some of the situation. Just looking at
pictures of the man, you can tell that he is of a frail mind and body. That
doesn't excuse shooting people at any hint of anger. There should be
consequences for what he did. At the same time, he was under severe emotional
duress and so the shooting was aggravated. By the actions of the neighbors and
the inactions or impotence of the legal system, he was made to feel that he had
no recourse. Elderly people spend a lot of time at home and so it's important
for them to have a peaceful environment as any change in their environment
would affect them greatly. This situation was not just a minor inconvenience.
It was vigilant harassment and emotional terrorism. His neighbors felt free and
audacious to "get him back" for having their dogs taken.

One
can make an argument for dog poop laying on the ground to a certain extent as
that's where dogs need to go. That still does not excuse leaving dog poop on
the ground. However, one cannot make the argument for a child's feces to be on
the ground when his parents intentionally throw it over their balcony or drench
dog poop with water so that it floods into their neighbor's balcony. Can you
imagine having to deal with that day in and day out? “Dog poop, repeatedly thrown — not just a pile that’s easily swept up, but liquefied dog feces [poured] on the windows,
walls and doors, multiple times. Over and over again, Mr. Kim tried to rectify
this in a civil manner (Culture Map, 1.9.14.).” In an earlier article, it was mentioned that
"Kim provided photos of
his balcony’s poop-streaked windows, floors and walls to a variety of entities
(Culture Map 1.7.14)." Can you imagine being an
elderly person who spends a lot of time at home having to live around such
people and having to deal with their concerted harassment day in and day out?
Older people are generally weak, so it would have been a great hardship to have
to clean up his whole yard EVERY SINGLE DAY or perhaps every time the child's
diapers got changed. Can you imagine that? It would be difficult for anyone,
young or old, to deal with on an emotional and practical level. The old guy
felt trapped because he had taken all the measures he knew how and I don't
believe that he should have had to do more than calling the police to rectify
the situation although it would have been the best for him if he had not shot
his neighbors. He did much more than most people would have done by contacting
the police, the health department, and the homeowner's association. I can see
how any reasonable person, especially one of such advanced age, would have been
taxed by the situation on a legal, emotional, and practical basis. The fact
that the jury indicted him for capital murder is a grave injustice and suggests
that they really did not take into his emotional capacity at that time.

What he should have
gotten is the insanity defense as he was under great emotional distress and
limited mental capacity. The guy is 76 years old and so, he does not have much
longer to live. Even without that consideration, he should have gotten the insanity
defense and sent to a facility for evaluation until he was deemed to be
mentally stable by a psychiatrist. He
had to endure a lot of emotional distress on a daily basis for months and
months, which caused him to reach his breaking point as Robinson, the president
of the homeowner's association warned of. I just think it's sad that he gets
life in prison for something that he was greatly aggravated into doing. He did
not shoot at the first sign of dog feces. He went through all the legal
channels to get the matter resolved, but the authorities were too inept or
impotent to take any effective action, except for getting rid of the dogs. I
cannot understand why the housing association could not evict the tenants after
fair warning like maybe two times, but there are certain mandates that need to
be upheld in such a process and without the backup of the authorities like the
police to charge the tenants with anything, I don't think there was much they
could do unless it was explicitly stated in the housing contract.

It is sad that there
are children that will grow up without their parents, but at the same time,
these people need to be held accountable whether or not they have children. It
was unfortunate that the authorities were too inept to do anything about these
individuals, but there are consequences to affecting others in a negative way.
Based on the reports of how the neighbors acted, I really don't think their
children are going to miss out on great role models. These are people who acted
as animals, throwing feces on a daily basis over their neighbor's balcony.
These are people who willing trashed their own balcony by leaving or throwing
feces onto it and washing over it with a hose so that the water would flow into
and drench their neighbor's yard with fecal matter. These are people who chose
to "take revenge" on their neighbor because the authorities made them
give up their dogs as a result of their own negligence and harassment. These are people who feel that they can do
anything they want without regard to the consequences. These are not civilized
people who have the basic understanding that other people need to be treated
with respect. These are individuals who feel that they can do whatever they want
and will only comply if it threatens their personal interests or you have power
over them. They may be nice to their family and friends, but have little regard
for others who have no value in their eyes. These are the people that the
elderly and vulnerable man had to deal with for months on end on a day-to-day
basis, so I do not have much sympathy for them. Sometimes, the response to an
action may be too much, but at the same time, if one does something that is
hurtful to another, one cannot be outraged when the other person reacts in the
only way they know how to protect themselves. We cannot say, "No, you have
to protect yourself in this way." We can say, don't go crazy in how you
deal with something, but some people are led to that point by their aggressors
like in the case of this man. If the old man were more emotionally resilient
and mentally tough, perhaps it would be reasonable for him to "rise
above" the situation and find other ways to deal with it. But in this
case, he was frail and elderly and emotionally exhausted due to the situation
and he took all the reasonable channels to address his concerns yet they were
not resolved. I believe that he did the best he could based on his age,
physical and emotional condition, as well as resources. The conditions he was
forced to deal with on a day to day basis would have brought about charges of
criminal neglect had he been a parent or caregiver of someone that was mentally
ill. But in this case, there were no such charges. So he had to deal with the
matter the only way he knew how.

I don't believe that
he set about to kill the neighbors, but he did have to arm himself as he needed
to deal with these barbarians and that is saying a lot as I am generally not in
favor of guns in the home. This was an extreme situation. Had the neighbors
been civil enough to just take responsibility for their mess and leave it at
that, the matter would have been resolved, but instead, they chose to continue
to inflame and instigate the matter by continuing their ongoing harassment of
the old man. If you are ever in this situation, obviously, guns are not the
answer. But I don't know how much presence of mind you can expect from someone
like this man in this type of situation. It would certainly be different if he
was in his forties. One would certainly expect more presence of mind, but by
the time one gets to this man's age, typically there is a feeble mindedness
that occurs unless one is proactive about their health. He wasn't a super
healthy old man, but one that was frail and at his breaking point.

I hope that he
appeals his case, which I am sure that he will do based on the comments he made
in the second Culture Map article. and
that he testifies to the new jury so that they can see the kind of emotional
distress he had to endure after going through all the proper legal channels and
still not having the matter resolved. I believe that if he had testified in
this trial that the verdict would have been more fair to him. But because the
jury was only told of the poop incidents from second hand sources, they did not
get a real understanding of the suffering and injustice he had to go through.
There have been cases where soldiers who had fought in Iraq were acquitted from
mass killing due to post-traumatic stress disorder. Now, of course, the man was
not threatened with violence, but the emotional distress is the same. He did
not go off and kill some unknown civilians like those other cases. He went to
confront his neighbors over a long simmering dispute and ended up shooting them
in the process. He would not have had this distress if they had not
consistently harassed him for months on end. So they are not innocent victims,
but guilty of bringing about the type of situation where they would have been
confronted with violent emotions. They were willful agitators of his emotional
distress and are guilty of that part in his "crime". You don't want
to set a precedent where people are blasé about shooting anyone at a hint of
anger. At the same time, you have to be understanding of certain cases where
the individual had been put through so much stress that they could not have the
presence of mind to make the rational decision. I would say that his lawyer
would have an argument in temporary insanity. By the time the old man had
confronted his harassers, he was literally at his wits end. Mix that with gun
possession and you have a dangerous situation.

November 11, 2013

The Korean has hurt
and offended a lot of people through his blog. He does not recognize this
because he feels justified in his humiliation and intimidation of others. To
him, life is a game where there are winners and losers and it justifiable to do
whatever you want even if it means harshly crushing weaker opponents. That's
why he felt so justified in attacking Malcolm Gladwell. It is evident from his
tone when writing about his problem with Gladwell that he really relished and
enjoyed putting a New York Times bestselling author "in his place".
But when gently corrected by Chris Kahn about an error in his own writing, The
Korean sheepishly bowed out of the conversation, downplaying how wrong he
actually was. Because on same level, The Korean knows that the same harsh
judgment that he attacks others with can be used on him. Yet, he refuses to
learn from that and give others the grace that he cowardly requests of them
when he errs. I have read The Korean's blog from the beginning and recognize
now that he is just a bully who gets off on one-upping others. He's not really
interested in the truth about Korea or anything. He just wants to show off how
much he "knows" to feel better about himself. And he will do whatever
he can to assert his own superiority because deep down, he is a very insecure
person who is not willing to look at his own shadow. That's how he is able to
write humiliating posts of people who send him grammatically incorrect emails
and even threaten readers when they disagree with him.

He believes that he
is so superior because he was able to learn English in two years to fluency. I
know of a guy who learned Japanese in one year and got good enough that he was
hired by a Japanese company where they only spoke Japanese. As great as that
is, he is not arrogant and genuinely wants to help people, giving free advice
to others who want to learn as well. Compare that with The Korean who looks
down on and feels justified humiliating native English speakers who don't speak
as well as him because he thinks that it is due to laziness. I have news for
him. Not always. Some public schools in the U.S. are so poorly funded and
staffed that they are like third world countries. A lot of students get passed
even when they lack basic reading and writing skills. But do you think Mr.
Know-it-all recognizes this? No. Because he is so stuck in his ivory tower
believing that everyone has the same privileges and opportunities as him. Not
all Korean parents are able to whisk their son off to America because he has
problems adapting to high school in Korea. The Korean claims to have gotten
good grades and I can believe that, but in that case, most Korean parents would
not be so indulgent as to whisk their son off to America because he has
problems with the Korean school system. He wrote about this and later removed
it from his blog, but it sounded more like an attitude problem on his part than
anything. He also wrote that he scorned the other Korean students at his
American high school for not working hard to learn English as quickly as him,
neglecting the fact that it is their right to learn as they please and he was
not exactly learning for the good of humanity. He had to learn English for his
own SELF-INTEREST so that he could do well in high school and go to a good
college. He even bragged about being privileged to attend a predominantly
Korean high school where he was able to submit a biology exam in Korean and
still get a good grade on it. So he will take full advantage of the
opportunities when they suit him, but look down on others who don't. There is
nothing wrong with wanting to do well, but that does not give you the right to
look down arrogantly on other people and be mean to them as a result of that.
You can water down your writing so that it makes you appear more
"modest", but ultimately, it is what is in your heart and mind that
determines that. If you are truly a modest person, then you wouldn't have to
fumble with your tone so much because your writing would naturally appear that
way. Saying "I don't mean to be immodest" does not take away from
your arrogant tone and people can tell when they read your writing whether you
are being sincere or not. It always comes through.

Ultimately, it comes
down to an abuse of power and a lack of integrity on The Korean's part. Based
on his later re-edits of his blog to present himself more modestly, I really
don't believe that he has the intent to look at himself honestly and be a good
person. He can't see the truth of who he is because he is someone who is very
caught up in his own self-glorification and will abuse his power to get that.
As long as OTHERS see him as a good person, he is satisfied that he is. Even
with all of his legal education that provided a lot of training in critical
thinking, he is unwilling to apply that to his own life and his own self. If
you're not willing to be self-critical, how can you take full responsibility
for your actions? You can't. You're just going to do whatever you want
regardless of the consequences. The Korean has hurt a lot of people through his
blog whether it is through the actual posts or comments section. He has
verbally abused, intimidated, humiliated, and degraded others through his speech
and he is unwilling to take responsibility for that.

He acts like he is
so progressive and so open-minded, but the truth is that he is quite bigoted in
a number of respects. He has tweeted that he hates people from a certain region
of Korea. But more than ethnic, I believe that he is a political bigot at his
core. He claims to be for freedom of speech, yet he is disrespectful and
intimidating to those who disagree with him respectfully. He's an internet
bully who will use his credentials to challenge and threaten others yet
cowardly sneak away when his own errors are brought to light. The Korean is one
of those selfish people who believe they are good because they are nice to
their friends and family and go to church. But how does he treat others that
are not of his circle? Not very nicely based on what I have seen. The people
around him may be oblivious to his flaws because he is so nice to them, so it
is up to others to tell him he is wrong and hold him accountable for that.
That's part of the reason I wrote this post because I believe that if no one says
anything, then The Korean will continue to be as he is, abusing his authority
and hurting other people. I believe that people should be critical about
whatever they read on the web, especially when it comes from an anonymous
source. But people may write all they want. Ultimately, it is up to The Korean
to decide how he will act. As long as he sees something, he can't feign
ignorance. He can dismiss all the criticism as nonsense or he can actually be
self-critical. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure it will take a while before
he really behaves because old behaviors don't just fall away so quickly. The
Korean is too satisfied to live in his own self-glorified cocoon of Korean
"authority", but I believe that some day, he will have to face his
own darkness with true humility. He has stated before in the comments section
of his blog that he believes that he does not have to apologize for things that
have long past. That somehow time negates all wounds. This is very ironic
coming from a lawyer whose responsibility is to understand the true meaning of
justice. Of course, this is not always practiced and from his own behavior, it
is evident that he has no qualms about abusing his authority and power. It is
so disappointing to see people who have been given the great advantages of a
good education squander it away for their own personal gain and ultimately,
their own moral decline. I really think people like him should not be rewarded.
It would be great if people stopped reading his blog, but I admit that he does
write some interesting things even if I don't always agree with him.

October 02, 2013

They wanted to
commit the "perfect" crime, but they were not able to pull it off.
Because no matter how "perfect" it seemed to them, they were not able
to get away with what they did. The video is out there for everyone to see in
Korea, America, and the rest of the world. And even if they aren't recognized,
they will continue to live with this in their minds. It wouldn't be that hard
for someone who knew them casually to recognize their voice and what was shown
of their faces and put two and two together. The video they had taken for their
own pleasure will always be a source of fear, regret, and shame, so in their
original purpose, they failed because in the end, they did not get a video that
they could enjoy. Every time they watch the video, they will be reminded of
that night and what happened in the
aftermath.

After that night,
I'm sure the young Korean woman in the video woke up in a haze with a sense of
deep pain over something she did not remember. It was a rude jolt in a life
that was already depressing. That is why she had drunken herself to a stupor
and that is why the video makers chose her to target for their video. She was a
lone, drunk woman who would not have put up a lot of resistance. She would not
have the wits or defenses to be able to, so these guys could go through with
their plan and get the "perfect" shot for the fetish video. But
drunken hazes are interesting because sometimes, people do remember little bits
and pieces after a while. But who knows how this thing will turn out?

The reason that
these guys were able to make such a video is because they are sociopaths. They
lack a sense of moral responsibility and social conscience. They are
psychopathic, showing extreme egocentricity and failure to learn from
experience. This video does show them doing something that is amoral and
antisocial. They certainly did something criminal by sexually harassing that
young woman. They were able to do all of this because they were extremely
selfish to the point where they could dismiss the humanity of another person,
in this case, a young, drunk Korean woman. Basically, their life is about
getting what they want without regard to how it affects other people. Other
people do not have value unless they can give them something that they desire.
Other people are props in their life that they can do with as they please. This
is the mentality that you would have to have in order to make a video like
this. But now, these guys are scared because their own sense of survival is
being threatened. Nothing matter until it affects THEM on a certain level. They
have the right to do as they please however it affects other people, but when
something affects them and keeps them from doing what they want, there is a
problem.

To be honest, I
really don't think the backlash from this video will turn them into saints
overnight. I think they will be more careful in what they choose to do in
public. But otherwise, they will continue to be the same selfish bastards that
made this video. Immature, whiny kvetchpats who will continue to go on to
Dave's ESL and express their sociopathy to the world wide web. There, they will
find like-minded compatriots to egg them on in their disgusting bashing and
degradation of Korea. That's what's wrong with the whole kvetchpat scene.
Instead of helping eachother out to make the most out of their time in Korea,
they really bring out the worst in eachother by encouraging eachother to hate
and bash Korea. Yet they wonder why they continue to have such a horrible time?
Not a hotbed of geniuses. That's for sure. What they can't face is that their
problems in Korea are largely due to their own dysfunction, their own inability
to adapt to a different culture and language and life as whole. Because they
come from multi-racial countries, they are under the illusion that it somehow
makes them progressive and open-minded when the truth is that they have only
experienced diversity on a shallow level. They don't really understand other
cultures or races. Because they have seen other races in person does not make
them an expert on diversity more than a Korean person who lives in Itaewon an
expert on other countries. The truth is that their understanding of
multiculturalism is very superficial like a tourist who buys trinkets from a
gift shop and believes that it gives him great insight into that culture. No.
You've experienced other cultures as a CONSUMER, not a true student.

That's the whole
problem with kvetchpats. They come to Korea with a consumerist mentality. What
can I get, get, get in Korea. And when Korea does not give them everything they
want, they throw a hissy fit. It's just pure selfishness, plain and simple. Korea
has to give them everything that they demand, but they have no responsibility
to respect or understand its culture, language, and people. Sounds like a fair
deal there. The real problem is that they lack the maturity and personal
responsibility to adapt to a different culture. They think that everything
should be handed to them and that they shouldn't have to put forth any effort.
The real truth is that Koreans don't have to be nice to them, trying to
understand them when they don't speak the language. A lot of kvetchpats use
this as an excuse to not learn Korean and blame it as the source of their own
lack of motivation. They also say how useless it is for them to learn when they
are the ones relying on their Korean girlfriends, friends, coworkers, and
strangers to translate in various situations. I guarantee you that they
wouldn't feel so entitled if they had to deal with a society that looked
harshly upon those who did not speak the
language well as many English speaking countries do. You have a country where
the main language is Korean. You need to communicate with Koreans, most of whom
do not speak fluent English. You would think that is a no-brainer, right? But
the most diehard kvetchpats will continue to make excuses, excuses because they
are lazy and self-entitled and another year will pass in Korea and another and
another. They don't grow. They don't really learn anything from their time in
Korea. They are just living as perpetual tourists in a country where they
expect to be treated like Koreans while getting all the foreigner privileges
with none of the Korean responsibilities. They are wasting their lives with one
excuse after another. All the while, their bitterness continues to grow. The
longer they stay in Korea, the more bitter they get. And they falsely believe
that it has something to do with Korea. Never taking responsibility for the
lives they have created. They could always take a plane and leave, but then
they would no longer have Korea to blame and actually have to take
responsibility for their lives. Next . . .

October 01, 2013

Even if the
kvetchpats acting in the harassment video, did several takes of the same scene,
I wouldn't call it acting. It would be similar to hiring someone to play
themselves in a movie according to how they would actually be in real life
instead of a context imagined by the writer. So it would not be such a stretch
for a clubbing alcoholic to play drunk and hung-over after going to a nightclub
because that is how they would be in real life. Likewise for the creators of
the nightclub harassment video. They were just acting the way that they did in
real life although I'm sure they used a script to make sure they got to say
everything they wanted to say the way they wanted to say it. That way, they
could replay the video and relive their fantasy of how they degraded a Korean
woman. Nothing in life occurs in a vacuum and I don't believe that this was the
first time that these guys acted this way toward a Korean woman. But this time,
they were calculated enough to devise a script in their head about what they
wanted to say and how they wanted to say it to live out their ultimate fantasy
of degrading a Korean woman. The motivation was not something that they needed
to work on like real actors because they already had the motivation to degrade
a Korean woman. That is how they are in real life. If you put them next to a
computer, I'm sure that they would naturally go to Dave's ESL or some other
Korea bashing site anddegrade Korean
women. I'm sure that this was not the first time that they had gone to a Korean
nightclub or the particular nightclub in question. They had been out enough to
know where they wanted to film, where they could find a lone and drunk Korean
woman to harass, where it would be so loud that no one would pay much attention
to them and disrupt their filming. They knew where they could get away with
filming such a video. It wouldn't be a place where Koreans mainly went to with
their friends. It wouldn't be a place where there were few foreigners so that
they would stand out. It would be a place where there were lots of foreigners,
lots of loud music, and lots of lone, drunk Korean women to prey upon.

This just goes to
show the kind of people that made this kind of video. They were so unhappy in
Korea that their greatest pleasure was making a fetish video degrading a lone,
drunk Korean woman. They had become so unhappy and frustrated at their lives in
Korea that they chose to displace it on innocent Korean strangers that they had
never met before. Instead of dealing with whatever difficulties they had in a
smart and mature manner, they chose to blame all Koreans instead and degrade
all Koreans to relieve their own frustrations about their own lives. People can
say that Dave's ESL or those other Korea bashing sites are harmless. I do not.
Some expats say that they are simply relieving their own frustrations, but when
you keep posting the same types of things over and over again that bash other
people, it does have an effect. It affects the people reading your trash and it
affects you because you are perpetuating the kinds of attitudes that make it
okay to degrade Korean people. There are people on those sites that have been
at it for years. You can just look at their post count and how long they been
on that site to see how invested they have become in the whole process of
bashing Koreans. The more you do anything, the more it becomes ingrained in your
mind and your life. I haven't met any Dave's ESLers in real life, but I do know
that they would not be pleasant to be around. Some people are so mindless to
think that their attitudes are private. But if you repeat the same thoughts
over and over again, they become part of you and that is what you project to
the outside world, so it wouldn't surprise me that these guys continue to have
bad experiences in Korea, because that is what they attract. Unpleasant people
attract unpleasant situations. They make the smallest inconvenience that MOST
KOREANS FACE AS WELL an assault on their foreignness. No, Korea is not
inconvenient for foreigners because it has something against you. Korea is
inconvenient because you are a foreigner who does not know the language or
culture well and because you aren't willing to learn. And sometimes, Korea is
just inconvenient for everyone, not just foreigners, because some people want
to save money and not provide toilet paper, etc. or because that's just how
things have been done so far and people are used to it. Yes, some Koreans don't
like foreigners, but that doesn't mean that is the case every time and to rush
to that judgment in every situation just makes you a person with a bad attitude
that lacks critical thinking skills.

Instead of taking
responsibility for themselves and their own lives in Korea, the video makers
chose to live their ultimate fantasy by degrading a long, drunk Korean woman
and filming that interaction. And the poor, drunk Korean women had to endure
hours of agonizing degradation as these guys were trying to "perfect"
their sick fantasy. That is how they sick they are. That is how degraded they
are. And that is what you need to recognize when watching the video. It was not
a one time shot, but something that was played out several times over. We only
saw a few minutes, but the interaction with the young, drunk Korean woman went
way longer than that.

September 28, 2013

If you have been
keeping up on kvetchpat news,
you would have discovered the posting of a video of several Western (white) men
harassing a drunk, Korean woman at a nightclub. Max Fischer wrote about this after
discovering it through the Korean media after it was posted on Facebook. Then,
it spread to several other English news outlets, the usual kvetchpat watering
holes, and other Korea related blogs.

Recently, Max
Fischer wrote an update saying that he had seen alternate footage of the same
scene from the video. He falsely concluded that because there were several
takes of the scene that the whole video was acting. Wrong. I do believe that
the makers of this video re-shot the scene because they were making a movie and
wanted to get the "right" effect. The makers had already rehearsed
how they wanted it to play out and wanted to get the desired response from
their victim, so of course, they would repeat the same dialogue. And of course,
a woman with limited English skills who was drunk would repeat the only English
she knew how to respond with. There was a commercial in Korea a few years back
making fun of how mindless some Koreans can be when learning English. In the
commercial, a young Korean man gets hit by a car. A Western (white) driver
comes out and asks, "How are you?" The young Korean responds,
"I'm fine and you?" when he has just been hit by a car. The Western
man looks at him bewildered. This commercial reflects how some foreign speakers
will respond the same way to certain questions because that is all they know to
say. It was obvious from the video that the Korean woman's English was not
great.

I know that the
makers hope this movie idea will exonerate them, but I know much better. Just
because the creators were shooting a movie does not mean that there were no
victims involved. This was not a standard filming where ALL actors knew they
were going to be filmed and were willing participants of the movie. The young,
drunk Korean woman was not conscious enough to make that decision. The other
participants of the movie were. They set out to shoot a movie degrading Korean
women and found an easy target. "Strong men" who felt empowered to
approach a Korean woman as a group, but would be too cowardly if there was one
more Korean woman. The young Korean woman in the video was alone with very few
people around her. It was a loud nightclub, so unless you were close, I don't
think you would have been able to catch on to their conversation and how
degrading it was even if you spoke fluent English, which many Koreans don't.
These guys AMBUSHED this lone, drunk Korean woman because they wanted to use
her in a fetish video degrading Korean women. These guys were trying to do
something similar to "Black Out Korea" by finding people they could
humiliate by capturing their image on camera. They looked for a drunk Korean
woman who was alone that they could BAIT into their degrading scheme. I would
not be surprised if there are other videos like this. I know that the creators
of this video hope that the pretense of shooting a movie will get people to
back off so that they can continue to be whiny ESL teachers who hate on Korea
and victimize unwitting, probably drunk Korean women. But I have news for you
guys. It doesn't.

This whole scenario
reminds me of Joe Francis and his "Girls Gone Wild", an American
video series that showed women taking their top off in public. Now, I'm sure
that there were some women who did this voluntarily out of some exhibitionist
streak, but there were actually others who were ambushed by the crew by having
their tops pulled up without their consent. There was a class action suit made
by a woman who did not realize that she was on one of their videos after one of
the crew members pulled up her shirt. There were testimonies from other
witnesses that said that they had had the same thing done to them or seen it
happen to someone else. They won the lawsuit and Joe Francis and company had to
pay a lot of money. Were there several takes in the shooting of this series?
Yes, because the videos did contain outtakes that were added to another video.
I only saw commercials of these videos with the boobs blurred out. Some of the
women in this lawsuit were drunk as were others. Just because something is a
movie doesn't mean that there are no victims. Child pornography is one example.
Filming sexual contact without the other party knowing is another. I'm pretty
sure that the drunk, Korean woman in that video was not able to give her
consent because she was drunk. If someone made you sign a contract while you
were drunk, should it be legally admissible? Absolutely not.

The lengths that
some kvetchpats will go to in order to "protect" their own. The more
you reinforce this kind of behavior, the more it will be perpetuated. The
mentality that justified "Black Out Korea" is the same one that
fueled this video. Only these guys took it a big step further. Who do you think
it hurts? You can continue to blame the Korean public for being
"xenophobic", but until you take responsibility for yourself, then
nothing will change. This is the kind of mentality that kvetchpats love to
trash Korea for, but unfortunately, they aren't willing to be self-critical and
prove to be the biggest hypocrites of all while exalting how multicultural and
tolerant their own countries are. Even if that were the case, they certainly
aren't the best examples of that from their own country. Koreans are
self-critical for the most part when a Korean does something bad overseas, so
netizens will criticize that person for shaming the country instead of choosing
to blame it on the environment or the victim. Just goes to show that until
kvetchpats take responsibility for their behavior and hold others accountable
in their community, they will continue to perpetuate the cycle wondering why
they don't get respect, trashing those who have a good time in Korea as Korea
apologists. I've watched some videos of people who had a great time in Korea
and what I've noticed is that they actually make an effort to understand Korean
people and culture and learn the language as well. I can't really say that
about kvetchpats who take no responsibility for their bitter and negative
attitude. It is not Korea that makes you such a negative and toxic person. It's
you. You control how you choose to live your life and the fact that you
continue to live as a bitter and hateful person in a country that you are
miserable in says a whole lot about you. You CHOOSE to LIVE in Korea and yet
you complain about what a miserable life you have.

The only thing that
the video makers are sorry for is getting caught and they haven't even
apologized for taking part in the video. It was just a movie, they say as a
lame excuse. I know that they would continue to make such videos if they
weren't caught. They probably thought that they could make a bunch of videos
that would be semi-anonymous and indistinguishable from the rest of Youtube.
Videos that they could enjoy with their kvetchpat buddies, making fun of how
stupid Korean women are and trashing Korean society as a whole. Only it
backfired in their case and they received a lot of backlash. Now, they are
really scared for their jobs and life in Korea. But as scared as these cowards
may be, they don't know a hundredth of the pain that the young woman in the
video is suffering. Her face was exposed and this will negatively affect her
career and marital prospects. No respectable Korean family will want her to
marry into their family even though she did nothing wrong in the video. She was
drunk at the wrong place and the wrong time. I know of Korean women who lost
job offers after receiving negative media coverage, so it's not a stretch to
say that this is likely for her. Those ESL cowards did not reveal their entire
face and I'm sure that multiple takes were done to give them some anonymity in
the videos. They set out for a nightclub in Seoul where they planned to target
a drunk and unassuming Korean woman that they could degrade with their antics.
They kept retaking each scene until they got what they wanted. The Korean woman
did not speak much English. She was drunk, so it is highly plausible that she
would repeat the same answers to the same comments and gestures. If you don't
speak a language well, that is what you are going to do because that is all you
will know how to do. This actually makes it MUCH WORSE than if they were
randomly at a club with a camera and just being spontaneous. They actually
PLANNED this CALCULATED ASSAULT in order to create a video that they could use
to get off on degrading Korean women. It's like Dave's ESL on steroids. Dave's
is a place many kvetchpats go to in order to get off on degrading Koreans for
their own twisted pleasure, because they are living miserable lives in Korea
and choose to blame Korea instead of their own bad attitudes.

Now, these cowards
are scared because they got their hand caught in the cookie jar. They are
afraid of being discovered by their co-workers and Korean "friends".
That is what they have most to be afraid of. Because most people watching these
videos will not know them or be able to recognize them on the street. But the
people that see them everyday or on occasion will have enough familiarity with
their face that they will be able to put the pieces together. So I have news
for you cowards. Be afraid. Be very afraid. If you are really that scared, you
can always get plastic surgery like you degraded the Korean woman into doing.
Get plastic surgery and stop being cowards. How does that feel, idiots? Plastic
surgery or not, you know these guys will continue to keep looking over their
shoulder the whole time they are in Korea and maybe afterwards. Frankly, I
don't understand why they didn't just let this thing blow over. Now, they have
left a big electronic trail with a number of people. You have one
"reporter", Sam Power, writing for the English edition of a Korean
newspaper vouching for them before any "evidence" showed of a film,
which makes me think that he actually knows them as a friend or is just really
invested in the expat image. If he is as fictitious a character as some on
Marmot's Hole claim, I bet he is someone that works for the newspaper, but
chooses to mask his identity. Someone should really check this out. You have
Max Fischer writing about how he saw a clip of several takes of the same scene,
which does not contradict that the woman was still a victim. You have a fake
Facebook profile of a "Korean film director" who supposedly shot the
movie. It is so easy to make up a fake Facebook profile and I don't know how
that could be taken as evidence of a "Korean movie director". Of
course, there was an exchange about making the movie. They had been planning it
all along. Anyhow, I am glad that the video got out and that part of the
cowards' faces were shown so that their acquaintances can more easily identify
them. I am glad that there are a number of copies of the video on Youtube, The
Washington Post, and other media sites as well as blogs.

You think you got
away with this? You didn't. You think that you can stay in Korea and enjoy your
miserable life here? You can't. As hellish as your life may have been before,
it will get even more hellish like a raging inferno that you cannot control. That
is what happens to people who have their conscience awakened with a rude
awakening. And for guys like these who had a very low mentality to start with,
I am pretty sure it was a VERY rude awakening. The poor young woman did not ask
to be part of this. You made her. You chose to act like idiots and you need to
face the consequences. YOU did this to YOURSELVES and you cannot blame Korea
for that. Keep living in Korea looking over your shoulder because at some point
the truth will come out. You have no idea how much you have hurt others a
thousand times more than the fear that you are feeling. She is someone's
daughter, granddaughter, and perhaps sister. How do you think she feels and how
do you think her family and friends feel after she was degraded and humiliated
by you? What makes you more important than the young woman you harassed? What
gives you the right to stay in a country where you assault and degrade its
people? What gives you the right to earn a living in this country that you hate
and despise and degrade for your own pleasure, influencing young Korean minds?
I'm pretty sure the young woman has lost her career at this point, so what
makes you better than her? Why should Korean parents trust their children to
you? Korean teachers are respected for the most part. English teachers don't
have that reputation because so many of you guys have frankly MESSED IT UP.
That was not the case in the 60's with Fulbright Scholars who actually gave a
damn about the job, but unfortunately, too many people look to make money from
hagwons and do not want to invest the time and money to vet English teachers
properly. If nothing more happened than you guys losing your teaching jobs and
having to leave Korea, then you should consider yourselves very lucky. Why are
you in Korea if you hate it that much? Consider it a blessing that you are able
to go back to your multicultural and progressive America or whatever country
you came from so that you can live amazing and wonderful lives. But for some
reason, I don't think your life in your home countries would be that great,
either. The location may change, but YOU are STILL the SAME PERSON. Koreans may
forget and so may other people, but God never forgets and you will get what is
coming to you long after you think that everything has blown over.

I am sure that the
young woman has a case and is able to sue you. I am sure that your school also
have cause as well. Korea is not your playground, so you better shape up or get
out. The police can be made aware of this even if no private party intervenes
and they have every right to subpoena Facebook and other sites for this
information. Korea has a highly skilled Internet agency that is trained to root
out people like you. You should be jailed for harassment and invasion of
privacy, both of which are against the law in Korea.