Message Boards

Topic : Interracial Relationships

Society has become more accepting towards relationships with someone of a different race. Is your family united, or divided over your interracial relationship? Share your story here.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

Love over Race?

My African-American friend is dating an Asian man. He has proposed, and she wants to accept, but she is afraid of what their children will look like. I've told her that her worries are ridiculous, but she just won't listen! Does anyone have African-American-Asian chidren, and can join me in saying that they are as beautiful as any children? Or can you please just help me talk some sense into her?

Interracial Relationships

My African-American friend is dating an Asian man. He has proposed, and she wants to accept, but she is afraid of what their children will look like. I've told her that her worries are ridiculous, but she just won't listen! Does anyone have African-American-Asian chidren, and can join me in saying that they are as beautiful as any children? Or can you please just help me talk some sense into her?

The kids will probably look great. Tell your friend not to be so calculating. She either loves the guy enough to marry him or she does'nt. This should be the basis of her decision.

A Colorful Experience

I always thought that it would be no problem as long as two people cared for one another but as i go into my seventh year of a interracial relationship i see that there are unfortunately some strings attached.We dont live in a perfect world and i think that speaks for itself. We are constantly influenced by things that we come into contact with everyday and there are an infinite amount of opinions.It can be difficult to stay focused on building a lasting relationship when were reminded that we are different and to some, it is unacceptable.There is only one race and thats the human race.

Interracial Relationships

for their racial dating preference? i prefer white or hispanic men and sometimes i feel guilty because i am black....as if i'm "turning my back on black men"....

Why r u feeling guilty? If u prefer white or hspanic men, then that is ur choice unless something happen to u when u were or if u ever dated a black man. I am dating outside my race. I know that Im not turning my back on black men. I was with a black man for 13 years and I see that the relationship wasnt going any where and I decided to move on and get out of that relationship . That time in my life, I wasnt looking for a relationship, just a friend to go out with and have a good time with. I met this wonderful white man who just swept me off my feet. It just happen just like that. He is younger than me and I am having the time of my life. It is all about happiness. We have been together for 8 months now and I havent felt this way in a long time. Color isnt an issue when it comes to love. I never ever thought I would fall in love with a white man and never thought a white man would fall in love with me but it happen. U know what, I am more happy and and to hear a man tell me everyday that he loves me is all I ever wanted. We r now talking about marriage!!!!!! That is a wonderful feeling knowing that this man wants to spend the rest of his life with me. His parents isn too happy about the relationship but they r starting to come around slowly and he didnt allow his parent's influence and ignorance to break us up. I know this man loves. So go with ur heart . u shouldnt feel guilty about anything concerning ur happinees unless there is something that happen.

You are Ignorant

Interracial relationships are wrong and the people in them are the most ignorant, idiotic people on Earth. The worst is when they have a child , i say have a child instead of reproduce because when you go outside of your own kind you will not reproduce, you will create something entirely different , which i hope for their sake , is to stupid to see the life it will have ahead of it. I dont know why you would choose to go outside your own kind other than lets say the old wives tale of blacks being well hung, which i think any women that would go with a man because of that is just a whore anyway.It is disgusting and unnatural, everything is different with race , not just skin color, reality is evolution and blacks are the first people and therefore the lowest, and nature makes it so like things are suppose to breed, nature segregates things,so man is responsible for integration, which is wrong.There is no reason to even speak to someone of another race let alone fall in love with them so i find it stupid especially since most people have to go out of their way to find partners of a different race since segregation for the most part is inherent in people's personal life. By the way if you think this was written by some Redneck honky you can think again, my parents are of a different race and they (no surprise) should not have had children period let alone go outside of their own kind.

I guess you must have been hurt alot and that is why you feel this way. I am white and I was raped by a white man when I was 15. Since then I have never been attracted to white men. I do not look down upon them though as I know it was not the race it was just him. Then I dated a black man and had a child to him. He beat me and I left him. He also does not see his kid or pay child support. I do not hate black people because I know it was just him not the race. I am now married to a spanish guy and and I have a child with him. My children are white/black and white/spanish. They are beautiful girls. We live in a vey little town and do you know what my daughter who is in 4th grade has never had any problems with her being of mixed race. She is very proud of who she is and she is proud of being biracial. I have found the love of my life and I wasn't even looking for it back then. You say people go out of their way to find partners of a different race. When I meet people I do not even notice their color or their race. I guess when you aren't racist you tend to be like that. I notice their smiles and attitudes etc. I think you will feel better about yourself if you get over the hurt and start excepting people for their behavior and personalities rather than the color of their skin.

Anyone with similar issues?

I am a 35 y.o. white woman born, reered, and presently living in the DEEP south. I was married for 15 years to a white man with whom I have 3 white children. I am now engaged to a wonderful african-american man. He has 2 children. We are both professionals with great careers. He is very successful and well known in our city by all races. Our biggest issue is not with white people disapproving (at least not openly), but with his own culture. My very conservative family accepts and likes him. My children are wild about him. Everyone assumes that we are together simply because of the race difference and imply all of the ignorant stereotypes of black/white dating. I have always loved black culture (I love learning about all cultures) and have always had friends of all races. With the exception of my closest black "girlfriends", we catch hell from black women. They have the most hurtful things to say about me and they don't even know me. They say ugly things about him such as "Oh now that you are successful you can't date a black woman". The biggest scare tactic that his friends and family (even people off of the street) use is that he better watch it, that white woman will bring you down. They tell him he will never be able to succeed regarding political aspirations because the black people will feel betrayed (and that he can't possibly have black issues as a priority anymore) and the white people will have the "we'll show him .... who does he think he is marrying a white woman" attitude. The sad fact is that if he were to run for this particular office today having never dated me publicly, he would almost certainly win with black and white support. He has never exclusively dated one race or another. In his eyes he has dated women.....some of which happen to be of other skin tones. He has never excluded black women. We met by chance, had conversation and enjoyed each other for the good qualities we found in each other. Why are we having so much discord with his own community? Everyone has the right to date anyone they want. We don't judge anyone or say hurtful things to others about choices they make. Why do people feel the need to impose their opinions and attitudes upon us.

Also, would like interaction with others out there that have similar situations ....... especially those with which there are blended families with white children from a previous relationship and black children from a previous relationship. Please share experiences positive or negative. For instance, how is it received when a black man takes his blonde hair-blue eyed step-daughter to dance lessons. I know that I have had some strange looks when taking my fiance's 2 year old son to the black barber in a predominately black barber shop.

I know that I will probably get some really ignorant, back-woods, rednecked replies and that's ok because I like to laugh at ignorance. I am really hopeful for some useful and helpful discussion from people with educated insight.

Hope this helps!

for their racial dating preference? i prefer white or hispanic men and sometimes i feel guilty because i am black....as if i'm "turning my back on black men"....

You should not feel guilty - you can not help to whom you are attracted. If the right black man came along and provided you with things you are looking for in a relationship then you probably would not exclude him just because he is black. Would you? That would be "turning your back on black men". You have your preference but are not ignorant enough to exclude someone just because of his race is hopefully your stance. You might find my own personal entry of interest. Look it up. Good luck and I hope that you find the support that you need. What this world needs is kind, loving, and supportive passengers, not people filled full of road rage. We are all on the same journey to find happiness, but who are we to judge one another for taking a different path as long as there is no real harm to another.

i'm friends with a guy and he is of interracial background

I am in a interracial relationship and i don't see anything wrong with it. My man is black and i am white. He is the best thing that has ever happen to me. He has the best manners ever and he treats me like a women should be treated. I love him with all my heart and i can't see my life with out him. My family hates it. But when you love someone i believe that you should follow your heart. SO WITH DATING OUT OF YOUR RACE JUST FOLLOW YOUR HEART. THE OUTSIDE IS JUST A COLOR!!!!!!

well i met a guy a year ago on valentines. yahoo messenger persoanls we met and talked on the phone. we talked about where we were in ower lifes. we both lead busy lifes he has 3 kids. but we did not see each other until oct. i live in traverse city mi. so i was staying on mac island with a friend and i love petoskey so i called him. we met and he said come to my house. so me and my freind did so. i met his daughter. all the time i have known we have so much in common and i don't see him being black and white just what is inside. he is someone i have been waiting for all my life. so him being busy working his family business landscaping and him haveing anouther business and his 3 kids. i made a effort to tell him i was going to bring up dinner for him and his daughter i was going to take no for an answer. he said go my daughter is there make yourself at home. i so much inpressed them just being who i am. we both have faith in ower god. his daughter changed her cloths 3 times before her dad got home. so him and i watched a dvd of the 10th ozzfest. he worked with ozzy osbourn and many other bands for about 10 years. he was adopted and has another brother of the same race. so we went to bed i know how that sounds. he knew how i felt. i told him i was not going to make the same mistakes. so we just talked and were close. i told him about his daughter and what she did. i said i think she likes me. he said i don't know anyone who would not like you for who you are. your honest you say whats on your mind. then he asked why are you single and i asked him the same. i told him i have not found the one. but new i was very attracted to him and he was to me.i told him i like my busy life but want to settle down. but had not been looking much. no time.but i told him the diffrance between us i liked to stay home at night. he told me this was the first time he had been with a woman in a very long time.i said this is the first for me. it felt so good to be in someones arms all night. because i'm used to being alone with 3 cats.i beleave in god and i know he has been behind this all the way.i have prayed for him and his kids.so i left his house and came back to tc mi went to church. i was praying and god brought me to tell him. look at your life get back to me god.so i called left that for him. so i went on with my life. talked to him 2 times from oct threw dec. i was up there on a womans retreat. i stopped at his house. i new there was something going on. with me praying all along there was something breewing in his life. so i talked to him he said all his life involved was his kids and that he was going to get full custody 2 out of the 3 with 2 diffrent woman. well to make a long storry short. his ex girlfriend of the son and daughter he left years ago. was married and into drugs again and got the son that is 15 into selling some how. so he is going threw all this. me praying for him. i made a basket for him and his family in what they would like because no woman has been around in a long time. he is haveing a hard time trusting. but he has let me in because he let me taking his kids shopping and to lunch.i spent the time they needed. i know i would never be there mother. so i took there stuff up. i was going to come home. i prayed while i was driveing. god told me go back they need you to saport them. you are a role model in there lifes. the father said thank you. so tell me what you think .do i have something going here. he could be the love of my life and he knows i'm there for him. he says thanks for who you are. i want to be apart of that after we all spent time together doing ower own thing in the house. thanks smiles suzy q

I have always been in one

I am an indo-Canadian and I have never been with another indo man, Canadian or otherwise. I haven't met anyone in my own race that I have been attracted to. I don't rule out the possibility but I was born in Canada and I am a bit more modern in my ways then a lot of men in my culture/race. Another reason is incest, I know it sounds funny but I feel like I would rather be with someone outside my race because I will for sure avoid any incest that may occur. Also many indo men are raised to treat women a certain way and I can not be the way they want me to be. Its not that I am set in my ways, its just that it doesn't interest me to be as submissive as they want. I find myself much more attracted to white men, I don't know why. Its not like I haven't met some white men that were real creeps as well, its just I find myself wanting a lot of white men. I have had some good relationships and some bad but I have learned lessons and overcome obstacles only to find myself alone for the time being. So I am not saying I will only date white men, I am willing to give anyone a chance as long as they can deal with my quirks as I would deal with theirs. In one of the messages their was a woman saying that it is ignorant to be in interracial relationships, that is fine for her to think that way but unfortunately for her there are a lot of people much more accepting of this evolution. To her and people like her I say Get over it!

yes love is following your heart

well i met a guy a year ago on valentines. yahoo messenger persoanls we met and talked on the phone. we talked about where we were in ower lifes. we both lead busy lifes he has 3 kids. but we did not see each other until oct. i live in traverse city mi. so i was staying on mac island with a friend and i love petoskey so i called him. we met and he said come to my house. so me and my freind did so. i met his daughter. all the time i have known we have so much in common and i don't see him being black and white just what is inside. he is someone i have been waiting for all my life. so him being busy working his family business landscaping and him haveing anouther business and his 3 kids. i made a effort to tell him i was going to bring up dinner for him and his daughter i was going to take no for an answer. he said go my daughter is there make yourself at home. i so much inpressed them just being who i am. we both have faith in ower god. his daughter changed her cloths 3 times before her dad got home. so him and i watched a dvd of the 10th ozzfest. he worked with ozzy osbourn and many other bands for about 10 years. he was adopted and has another brother of the same race. so we went to bed i know how that sounds. he knew how i felt. i told him i was not going to make the same mistakes. so we just talked and were close. i told him about his daughter and what she did. i said i think she likes me. he said i don't know anyone who would not like you for who you are. your honest you say whats on your mind. then he asked why are you single and i asked him the same. i told him i have not found the one. but new i was very attracted to him and he was to me.i told him i like my busy life but want to settle down. but had not been looking much. no time.but i told him the diffrance between us i liked to stay home at night. he told me this was the first time he had been with a woman in a very long time.i said this is the first for me. it felt so good to be in someones arms all night. because i'm used to being alone with 3 cats.i beleave in god and i know he has been behind this all the way.i have prayed for him and his kids.so i left his house and came back to tc mi went to church. i was praying and god brought me to tell him. look at your life get back to me god.so i called left that for him. so i went on with my life. talked to him 2 times from oct threw dec. i was up there on a womans retreat. i stopped at his house. i new there was something going on. with me praying all along there was something breewing in his life. so i talked to him he said all his life involved was his kids and that he was going to get full custody 2 out of the 3 with 2 diffrent woman. well to make a long storry short. his ex girlfriend of the son and daughter he left years ago. was married and into drugs again and got the son that is 15 into selling some how. so he is going threw all this. me praying for him. i made a basket for him and his family in what they would like because no woman has been around in a long time. he is haveing a hard time trusting. but he has let me in because he let me taking his kids shopping and to lunch.i spent the time they needed. i know i would never be there mother. so i took there stuff up. i was going to come home. i prayed while i was driveing. god told me go back they need you to saport them. you are a role model in there lifes. the father said thank you. so tell me what you think .do i have something going here. he could be the love of my life and he knows i'm there for him. he says thanks for who you are. i want to be apart of that after we all spent time together doing ower own thing in the house. thanks smiles suzy q

i am white my wife is american she is white my son he is white thing is ive been married three yrs going on 4yrs now and we just argue all the time just dont see eye to eye on anything we cant even talk about our problems she doesnt listen to anything i say and she wants to go home to america what should i do as im so unhappy and just want to find happiness any suggestions you may have would love to here i have female friends and i seem to be able to comunicate better with them than my wife