Bryan Loves You is a direct to DVD, psychological horror film that’s shot documentary style. The film contains lost footage from a series of tapes presumably recorded in the 1990’s. The tapes are being compiled together for government (freedom of information act) archives. In the intro, a federal agent played by (Tony Todd) explains that what you are about to see is so extreme that it can make you nauseous and faint. He also throws in the subtle clue that these are musings of a highly disturbed young man. This clue makes sense at the very end, yet at that point it doesn’t matter.

Jonathan (Seth Landau) is a therapist that’s left the east coast for Arizona with girlfriend Linda (Tori King). His parents send him a video camera in hopes that he can send them some footage of the area. As he starts to record footage of the town he begins to realize that everyone seems to belong to a cult known as the “Bryans.”

After Linda is attacked at work by a “Bryan” cult member, she decides she wants out of the documentary. Jonathan then decides to document the strange events with another friend Nicole (Candy Stanton). They travel to the library to do some research on the “Bryans” and discover that there’s multiple accounts of the history of Lord Bryan. At this point there’s some rather humorous faux National News footage. In one interview Professor Spine (Daniel Roebuck) tells the story of Bryan from the perspective of the church, and then goes berserk at the end. I enjoyed that scene.

After leaving the library they return home to find that Linda has been converted over to “The Bryans.” After Linda is killed in a freak accident, Jonathan tells Nicole that he’s going to infiltrate the cult of Bryan and expose them.

Sounds like a great premise, however the rest of the film has the acting and as much horror as the non-sex parts of a porno film.

Jonathan then meets up with private investigator Frenchette (Tom Noga), he’s also the Stunt coordinator btw (Low budget). He’s the real paranoid type that seems to be non corrupted by the cult. He tells Jon not to go near the cult. (As if you couldn’t see it coming down Broadway) Jonathan attends a Bryan meeting, and (in $cientology style) is quickly admitted to there reprogramming clinic. During these scene’s there’s some real over the top acting by the head nurse (Brinke Stevens.) Any minute I expected her to break out in a topless Nazi Bondage outfit, and dominate Jonathan but that never happens, she just yells a lot. Meanwhile Nicole is captured recording in the Church of Bryan, and is subjugated to there lame (non scary) attempts at scare tactics.

This film is highly overrated as far as the reviews on the DVD cover, “an eerie, unnerving experience”, “a haunting thriller”, neither these descriptions are accurate. The film takes a completely realistic scenario and wastes it with poor writing and acting. The ending while somewhat clever, fails to excite or impress.

One reason I picked up this DVD was because of George Wendt (Cheers) as he’s the top bill in the film. His scene only lasts about 5 minutes. If your fascinated by cults and want to check out a cool horror film, this movie will only frustrate you. Bryan Loves You will ultimately give you, the horror movie blue balls.

The dvd contains a commentary with Seth Landau , cast, crew, Joblo.com, writer/critic James Oster and religious expert Dr. Phillip Baker. That’s a commentary with 11 people.
(That must be the nauseating part)