The Chief of Fatherhood has built a lesson plan to educate The Twins using The Pirate Code, so that it “may help form the backbone of their worldview.”

Ever the almost-scholar, he actually found Black Bart’s Pirate Code circa 1682 and has been using it as a guide. Notable provisions include:

Always be battle-ready

Never desert your fellow pirates

Never fight on the ship. Settle disputes on shore via duel, using either a cutlass or pistol.

He maintains that he wanted the Pirate Code to be but one of many resources The Twins would use to form their ethical core.

When I sought assistance from The Chief of Motherhood, she was surprisingly calm. She stated “he has to handle them all day, and it’s really his call.” She added “ I just want kids that can get out there and make the world their bitch.”

Normally such blatant insubordination would result in termination. However, our Legal Department went over their contracts, and it appears they are nigh unfireable.

Please advise.

*As of this writing, The Chief of Fatherhood had dug up his copy of Sun Tzu’s Art of War and was skimming it for “personal reasons.” While The Chief of Motherhood made flashcards that showed the different uses for a cutlass and pistol “just in case.”