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about my heart…

hi, my name is Dee and i am pleased to meet you.

it would be my pleasure to have you stop by when you can for a little heart to heart. grab a cuppa (that’s NZ slang for a cup of ____…whatever delights your senses) and sit with me for a few minutes and let’s talk about the treasures found in the heart of a woman.

i am a woman.

w. wonderfully unique, warm, wholehearted

o. optimistic, original, open-minded

m. morale, merciful, a miracle, and i matter

a. authentic, ambitious, assured, affirming, aspiring, alive

n. normal, notable, nourishing, nurturing

it didn’t take me years to understand this about myself…as a little girl, i seemed to know that there was something special about “ME”. i didn’t know “what” but my heart constantly screamed and longed for significance and respect for who i really was. it has taken me all my life, though, to share the real me with the world because i was terrified that “ME” didn’t fit, didn’t belong, would never be accepted or appreciated or valued.

i am on a journey… we call it life. along the way, my heart became wounded. with every scar, my life experiences tried to intimidate me to hide further inside my own heart away from rejection, disappointment and pain. i feared pain but was not happy to remain wounded and scared. i began a search for wholeness in 1998 and some of the lessons i have learned are worthy of sharing.

sharing is terrifying. like the dream i used to have that i was walking around naked in a multitude of people…exposed, vulnerable, lacking and cold. i used to wonder what the dreams meant…i think it was my heart pleading with me to open up.

have you been there? longing for more but too afraid to reach out for it?

one lesson i have learned is that the heart is not content to remain wounded, empty and longing. the desire for wholeness is strong and meaningful. i would love to share my journey in a way that will encourage yours.
i am 52 years old. i have very gracious friends and family who tell me i don’t look my age. when i look in the mirror, i see the evidence of the years. i don’t always like what i see in the mirror but i am sure of one thing, what i see there is the result of a lifetime of experiences and i attempt to display them with as much grace as i possibly can. i love this season of my life. i wouldn’t go back. i am right where i need to be today. i realize there is an expectation out there (wherever “there” is) concerning beauty. “in here” (the place I am most safe…my heart), it’s important that i keep sight of the fact that my body is only a part of the whole person that i am. we often disagree on important matters (like how much is “too” much when it comes to ice cream and chocolate), but my heart has learned to be patient with it, accept it and keep working toward valued goals.
when i walk away from the mirror, my heart tells me that it is still young, that it has so much left to do and that it has the courage to keep travelling on my journey…so, i keep walking. there have been times when my heart has been in pain, weary, weak and hopeless; however, simple adjustments have helped my heart to regain its courage.
have you ever heard anyone say, “my mind is playing tricks on me?” when the heart becomes wounded, that is kind of what the mind does…plays tricks on you. it’s a protective mechanism. the mind will trick you into believing untruths that it wants the heart to believe and when repeated the messages change our behaviours. i have had to discipline my mind and change my thoughts so that wholeness principles could be applied. the mind, body and heart/soul must work together to achieve healthy well-being. i like to focus my mind on the positive side of things and attempt to look at each step of the journey as a lesson to make my life better and build good character. there are painful, sad, heartbreaking days. for those, i am still, hold on, cry and pray. as much as i’d love to have only sunny days, sometimes it rains

My hubby

my daughter, son-in-law, and my grand babies

my step sons, Chris, Tim and Bradley

my youngest, Christopher

Morgan and Christopher

my grand babies, Jake and Ella

i have relationships: God, family, friends, colleagues, peers, mentors, and a circle of influence. i have been successful and i have failed. my heart longs to build stronger relationships in all areas of my life. i desire that people are better for having known me. there are people who are. there are people i have wounded because of my wounded heart (which saddens me). my search for wholeness and wisdom can impact and change my relationships. i must accept, love, and support a healthier me before i can obtain strong relationships.

my husband and i have a business. we grow the iconic New Zealand Bluff Oyster. we often say, “The World is Our Oyster.” we’ve had successes and failures. we have celebrated and we have cried. we have gained and we have lost.

the most adventurous thing i have ever done was move to New Zealand from my homeland the good ‘ole USA. i love the beauty i find here. i love the simplicity of pace and life. it’s a good fit for me even though i miss so many things about home.
i have passions. i love summer and am not a big fan of winter. i love the mountains. they remind me that there is a majestic God who is beyond what my imagination can configure. i love the ocean. it refreshes and intrigues me. i want to see a whale show up in the waters across the street from where i live. i’m not sure why, but i think it would be spectacular and my heart quietly hopes that one day my eyes will have this pleasure. the water also scares; therefore, i find quiet solitude on the beach. when my day begins to whirl, as days sometimes do, i head for a walk on the beach and breathe in the salt air. i love coffee dates and girl talk. i love movies that touch my heart and soul. i love beautiful things and attempt to surround myself with as many as possible. i love a good cry. i firmly believe that there is no better detox for the heart and soul than cleansing tears (but i won’t let you see my ugly-cry-face).
so, you have had a little look inside my heart. by the way, my heart is where i really live. it is the place where i am the truest me. my circumstances, experiences, careers, relationships and possessions do not define who i am…they are blessings, fruits and extensions. another of the valuable lessons i have learned along the journey.

i am a woman on a journey called life. it’s not a cliché to me. it’s how i roll.

sometimes it’s fabulous.

sometimes – mundane.

always it’s real and never as i fantasize- but it’s mine.

my hope is that you will visit with me often. hopefully, as i share my journey and the wisdom i have learned along the way, you will find hope in your journey. don’t wait until everything falls into place- live the fullest life possible right now. it’s the journey that is important…not the destination.

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Hello Dee, thank you for liking my blog. I wanted to just take a quick look into yours, and was caught by your refreshing natural way. I feel I know you, and even feel connected. I too, have left good old USA to move to Germany. It wasn’t always easy, but meanwhile, I have completely adopted my new country and have learned to love it. Hope you can stop by and visit me again.

Hi, Angelika, Thank you for connecting with me. I will visit your sight again and again, I am sure. I have had a hectic couple of months but hopefully, I will be back in full swing again soon. Leaving the states and home is a huge decision. I am so happy that you have adapted well to Germany. My cousins lived there for several years and absolutely loved it there. I hope to visit one day. I am a huge sauerkraut fan and would love to enjoy some of the cuisine there. I hope that we can stay connected. It is lovely to meet you.

I loved your last post on connecting. So true… and I especially needed to read this today. Thank you. A huge sauerkraut fan? lol… well the bratwurst here are just the right thing to eat along with it. So nice to meet you too Dee. 🙂

Angelika, I’m still not getting to your site and this time I got a warning that the link was corrupted. Hopefully, it’s not not an issue but you might want to have someone check it out just to be safe. I’ve never seen this before on a WordPress site. Hopefully, it’s nothing but I thought you might want to know.

I love the help service at WordPress. They were really fast this time. And they told me the problem is the ‘s’ at the end of the http. So the correct link is: http://www.authorschwarz.wordpress.com
I can’t thank you enough for letting me know. And I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. Hope to see you soon again Dee! 🙂

Come on in & stay a while. ~ sit with me for a few quiet moments of insight. ~ this is a safe place for your heart...
you will find encouragement, hope, and acceptance for continuing your journey. you are bound to leave feeling happier ~ inspired ~ and certainly loved.

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