Misconceptions Of Females With Asperger’s

I was first faced with the possibility of having Asperger’s quite recently when I visited my therapist. I had been seeing her for a few weeks and we had been doing several psychology techniques to help me find some closure on certain situations in my life.

I had seen progress instantly after my first session, almost like I could see the light at the end of the tunnel (as cheesy as that sounds). I had always been sceptical about therapy from a young age, as like many people, I assumed everyone who went to therapy was crazy, unstable and unable to help themselves. I couldn’t have been more wrong! In fact, my therapist actually mentioned she even goes to therapy sometimes and believes it is a very health, emotional outlet.

During my sessions we talked about my childhood, my past, relationships and more the relationship I have with myself. During one session in particular, after she had already gotten to know me over the weeks, she suggested the idea that I show many signs of someone with Asperger’s. Needless to say I was taken aback, but I made a promise to myself to be completely open to anything while attending my sessions with her.

I want to add that I had already considered therapy many times before, and for some reason could never bring myself to actually go. I was never able to push myself past the initial anxiety it brought me, but this time was different. It was bizarre as it just so happens that she was studying another degree to specialise in therapy for people with Asperger’s. I already believed in the concept of how as individuals we attract everything to us in life, either consciously or subconsciously. I took this as a sign and absolute confirmation that by going to therapy at that time, and being told this about myself, that it could actually give me the closure and understanding I was looking for within myself.

I’ve always felt ‘different’ and a bit weird. I’ve researched so many different possibilities and looked for answers consistently for around 6 years now. I can honestly say that having the courage to go to therapy and be open to the idea of having Asperger’s, has brought me so much inner peace. I’m not suggesting that my issues have suddenly disappeared or that I no longer have things I need to work on, but I feel like I can do it with a sense of pride in knowing who I am. The anxiety and uncertainty that I used to feel when I used to ask myself ‘why am I like this?’ or ‘why can’t I be normal?’ was painful and it just feels amazing to not have that worry anymore.

My therapist explained to me that even though the word ‘Asperger’s’ sounds a bit daunting and makes you want to question ‘does that make me weird?’ or ‘do I have something wrong with me?’ ‘should I be on medication?’ etc etc, its not that scary. It is still considered a spectrum disability but it means that your brain is just wired differently. It affects how you view the world and interact with others.

I have since done a lot of research on Asperger’s, and more specifically females with Asperger’s (as the male traits are very different from the female) There are so many misconceptions about females with Asperger’s and a lot females go undiagnosed because females are able to mask their difficulties better and easier than males. I was very surprised but equally liberated to see just how many of the traits I resonate with. More importantly, the vast number of females with Asperger’s who have spoken out about their own life experiences, and just how much people are willing to share to help and support others. I think it’s important to note that I’m not a medical professional and this article is by no means a diagnosis. It’s merely a way of sharing my own personal experience in the hope that maybe someone like me, is searching for answers about themselves to find some sort of inner peace. I think by doing so, it helps us feel more connected to ourselves and to each other.

Here is the list I was referred to by my therapist:

Section A: Deep Thinkers

A deep thinker

A prolific writer drawn to poetry

*Highly intelligent

Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes

Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually

Serious and matter-of-fact in nature

Doesn’t take things for granted

Doesn’t simplify

Everything is complex

Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

Naïve

Honest

Experiences trouble with lying

Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty

Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation

Easily fooled and conned

Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

Feelings of isolation

Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action

Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”

One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)

Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up

All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about

She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event

OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)

Questions next steps and movements, continually

Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone

Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)