Monday, January 07, 2008

Coco's vagina has consumed FEMA. Southern States pummeled by floods and avalanches are unable to provide assistance to residents. It's mayhem and madness. Residents were hoping that FEMA would get a reprieve from Coco's vagina. However, it's rumored that FEMA is trapped behind the Red Cross, Bush's dignity, and hundreds of North Korean nuclear missiles.

Governor Jim Gibbons-R of Nevada said, "This is no time for one of those liberal vaginapaloozas. Our citizens are in dire need of assistance. They're literally drowning. Six hours ago, we sent dozens of choppers and marines into Coco's vagina, hoping to liberate FEMA. We lost contact about an hour ago. But, we haven't given up. We're staying the course."

In a news conference that aired on ABC this morning, Bill Ritter-D of Colorado said, "Coco's vagina has already claimed too many countries, cities and lives. We will no longer be a hostage to Coco's vagina."

He believes Roswell and the movie Close Encounters weren't just works of creativity. Rather, he thinks the writers behind those stories narrowly escaped Coco's massive vagina, and based their stories on that very experience.

This is Katie Schwartz reporting to you live from the safety of her apartment. Wishing FEMA and all of those trapped inside Coco's vagina, Godspeed and a safe return.

I'm hoping you can help us. I was responsible for dispatching a wire line signaling and communications crew to install train signaling equipment in Coco's cave. We have not heard from the foreman, the crew, or the union boys.

If you have any contacts in the work area, would you let the union reps know that management will NOT STAND for this insubordination.

Hiding in a vagina is tantamount to a strike action, and is against FREU (federal railway employee union) rules.

About Jewgirl

Katie Schwartz is a comedy writer and non-fiction essayist, among other literary loves. She is a contributing writer for Zouch Magazine and Mock Paper Scissors. To read more, hit http://katieschwartz.com/bio