How To Cut Him Off When You're Not Into Him

Every Cosmo girl has been there: You're at a bar or party with your friends and some random guy starts hitting on you. When you try to brush him off politely, he takes it as a sign to persist...and persist...and persist.

"Men think that if they're in a social scene and a girl looks good, it's okay to be aggressive," says Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, co-author of Why Can't You Read My Mind? "It's as if they believe that when a woman wears attractive clothes or does her hair nicely, she's asking to be pursued." Luckily, you don't have to hole up at home or dress like a hag to avoid being the object of unwanted attention. Simply follow this advice.

Why Men Get Pushy

One of the reasons guys mistake "no" for "maybe" is the male ego. "If a man approaches a woman and his friends are watching, he feels like he has the ball and can't miss the shot," Bernstein says. "So he keeps trying because he feels pressure being in the spotlight." Men also think it's part of the "game." They've heard repeatedly that women play hard to get, so they think if they keep trying, they'll eventually get what they want.

Add alcohol to the mix, which reduces their inhibitions and clouds their judgment, and often, there's no stopping them. "Many guys feel clumsy about meeting women, so they use alcohol as a social lubricant," says Michael Kimmel, PhD, author of Guyland: The Inner Lives of Young Men. "While a few drinks can ease anxiety, they can also trigger aggression if men become upset when they're rejected."

Cut Him Off Quickly

The best way to deter a guy without being a total bitch is to send him "not interested" signals loud and clear. "You have to act detached," says Bernstein. "Your body language and actions are important because men often mistake friendly gestures for sexual advances." So don't play with your hair or maintain eye contact with him while he's talking to you. Quickly turn down his offer to buy you a drink, and make sure you don't inadvertently touch him.

You also have to watch what you're saying. For instance, if you tell him you have a boyfriend, he'll quip, "Yeah, but is he here?" Instead, try, "Sorry, but I'm really devoted to my man." Or rather than saying you can't talk "now" (his reply: "How about later?"), say something with closure, like "I have to talk to someone else, good night na lang sa'yo." And if he tells a joke, don't laugh--you'll only encourage him.

Get Him To Back Off

If the dude refuses to relent, try making frequent eye contact with other people in the room who can come to your rescue. "Ask for help with your eyes," suggests Kimmel. "Look at a waitress or a friend so she'll see your discomfort." But if you're on your own, you have to be more ruthless.

"Look him straight in the eye and say in a strong voice, 'I'm really not interested,'" says Bernstein. Then, turn away. Most men will respond by putting their tails between their legs.