Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Indignity Of Sucking At Fixing Stuff

It's been oppressively hot recently--so hot that I've resorted to riding the rails, where the straphangers hang ten:

And hydrate aggressively:

And fall asleep in front of the new Apple iFan:

It's $500 and you control it with your Apple Watch.

As of this morning though the heatwave had passed and the weather was lovely:

(Holy shit, the temperature even feels like what it is!)

So lovely in fact that I resolved to sneak in a ride on a rugged all-terrain bicycle with knobby tires.

Inasmuch as my time was limited, I figured that instead of frantically spinning my way to the trail on a singlespeed like I usually do I'd use a bicycle with multiple gears and stuff. This, I reasoned, would translate to more trail time. Plus, it's been awhile since I've ridden my rugged all-terrain bicycle with both knobby tires and multiple gears--so long in fact that the last time I did it looked like this outside:

However, it occurred to me that the last time I rode this bike the rear hub was also making kind of a scary noise, which I figured was a "collabo" between the cold temperatures and the fact that in like eight (8) years of ownership I've serviced the hub exactly never, so the pawls almost certainly needed to be cleaned and re-lubricated.

If I were smart I'd have given the wheel to a bike shop for servicing that very day so the bike would be ready to ride well in advance of the riding season. However, I'm an idiot who insists on performing his own maintenance. This is not because I'm a good mechanic--indeed I'm an awful mechanic. No, I do my own maintenance because I suffer from some misguided notion that by working on my own crap I'll have a better understanding of my bikes, which in turn will make me a better cyclist, which ultimately means I'm a better person. Or something.

Of course what really happens is that when something goes wrong I just set it aside indefinitely and ride another bike, which is what happened in this case. So time passed. A child was born. Winter turned to spring, and spring into summer. All the while, I didn't do shit--until this morning, when after like seven months I finally decided I wanted to ride the bike.

"No problem," I figured. "I'll just pop the hub open, lube those sticky pawls, and be on my way."

As a mechanic, it's important to understand how I work. Firstly, I have no stand, table, or dedicated workspace, and like Mario Cipollini I just get into it wherever. (We've both been known to do it on the floor or on top of washing machines.) Secondly, I have no patience, and instead of setting aside plenty of time for the job I'm always in a tremendous rush. Thirdly, for some reason (probably to do with the second thing), whenever I work on a bicycle I sweat profusely, regardless of the ambient temperature. This means that even when I'm doing something as simple as patching an inner tube I look like this:

Anyway, I've worked on plenty of hubs before, but not this particular one, which is a "DT Onyx" for some reason. So I unbuttoned it and knocked out the axle with a rubber mallet and immediately a bunch of bearings go flying all over the basement. Basically they look like this, only instead of being neatly contained in the carrier they were absolutely everywhere:

Had I taken any time to read about the hub before opening it I might have realized this was exactly the wrong way to open it, but that's not how I work.

"Hmmm, those are probably important," I figured, and set about collecting the bearing--which, I should point out, look exactly like mouse turds when they're scattered all over a basement floor--and put them back in the carrier, sweating profusely all the while:

Eventually I was able to find 11 of the 12 little mouse turds, and it will probably not surprise you to learn that at that point I figured, "Fuck it, close enough," and decided to put the hub back together even though I was one bearing short. (A fitting metaphor for my own brain, as it happens.) So I cleaned and lubed everything, only at that point I realized I couldn't get the hub back together without disassembling it some more because I'd opened it the wrong way, and by now I was completely out of time, which meant I couldn't even do that. Now everything's just sitting down there in pieces until I can order new bearings and find the time to finish putting it back together, which at this point will be sometime next year.

Ultimately, I started the morning with a perfect riding window, and I ended it with an exploded rear hub and no riding at all.

Fiat Chrysler Automobiles NV, owner of the Jeep brand, on Tuesday blasted the researchers for disclosing their ability to hack into the sport-utility vehicle’s software and manipulate its air conditioning, stereo controls and control its speed by disabling the transmission from a laptop many miles away.

This is great news, because as auto manufacturers incorporate more electronic safety features into their cars it's vital that American drivers have access to cutting-edge 21st century excuses in order to kill and destroy:

Of course for the ultimate in excuses you've got to spend big bucks for a Land Rover, which you can now drive with your smartphone:

Remember when the most dangerous thing you could do with a phone was "butt dial" somebody?

Well now you can butt-run-them-the-fuck-over.

Or just butt-run-yourself-over:

Yes, it's hard to imagine any scenario in which this sort of technology could possibly go wrong.

Finally, everybody knows that if you don't wear a helme(n)t you'll die. However, ask yourself this: Are you worrying about enough? Sure, your helme(n)t is 100% effective in preventing any and all head injuries, but is it also protecting you against SKIN CANCER?!? Of course not--which is why you need this:

It seems to me that the sun's rays are just as harmful when you're walking, so why is she only worried about it while she's riding? If you're going to protect your face to this extent you should at least be consistent and just wear a burka at all times.

Still, it's good to see "cycle chic" and "welder chic" come together at last.

136 comments:

43. It is true that some individuals seem to have little need for autonomy. Either their drive for power is weak or they satisfy it by identifying themselves with some powerful organization to which they belong. And then there are unthinking, animal types who seem to be satisfied with a purely physical sense of power (the good combat soldier, who gets his sense of power by developing fighting skills that he is quite content to use in blind obedience to his superiors)

43. True is being be'd by it, that autonomy is little-needed by some individuals. Either weak is being be'd by their drive for power, or it is satisfied by some powerful organization - to which belonging is done by them - being identified with them. And then existence is had by unthinking, animal types whose satisfaction is derived from a purely physical sense of power (the good combat soldier, whose sense of power is gotten by fighting skills being developed whose use is made quite contentedly in blind obedience to his superiors).

I think that by working on our bikes we are somehow riding. The flyfishing crowd could teach the bike lobby a thing or two about this. Sitting at a desk in the middle of winter, people tie feathers & yarn to hooks that they will use to catch fish. They can be flyfishing in a blizzard by doing so. They have contests for original flies. I know of no such promotions for the casual wrench. "Hey, Snob, I really like the way you torqued that stem bolt" has never been uttered. Maybe Park tool can get on this.

At least you opened your hub on cement. I opened mine once onto a piece of cardboard in my yard, my 3 year-old (who is now 7 thanks to me letting him live after this incident) stepped on the cardboard and threw all X bearings (I forget how many are in Shimano branded hubs) into my lawn.

The bearings were the same price to order 100 online as to get 10 in my shop, so I now have 97 magic coated steel ball bearings in a ziploc in my basement. I'll use them exactly never.

It must be a shady tree mechanic thing, but my dad and I used to take apart broken things, put them back together, realize we had a part leftover afterward, but the thing still worked perfectly. Of course, being Michigan Dutch (cheap, like really cheap) we would save that part in a coffee can right next to other baby jars of screws, another of nails and a coffee can of broken shoelaces. You never knew when you would need one.

The Dunkin Donuts phenomenon is finally explained! The glazing machine at DD is controlled by a sophisticated wireless system. Unfortunately, when the command "poot forth" is sent to the glazer, SUVs in the vicinity are prone to misinterpreting the command as "come hither, my lovely battlewagon". This causes the SUV to immediately engage the hapless donut shop in a love embrace.

Top 1,000,000,000,000,000! Yeah - suck on that, Froome. It seems to me that the chances of skin cancer can be mitigated by wearing sunblock on ones face. One of the few habits I started picking up this year...I even keep some at work. Plus, my helments are way more vented than that welding chic helment is.

Sucks you didn't get a ride in. I also like doing my own maintenance (or rather, taking a 6 pack and bike) to my friends garage who used to be a bike mechanic...mostly because I am a cheapass. It is a good excuse to hang out and drink beer and learn some about bikes, as well. I also tend to sweat profusely, even if I am just rooting around in the garage for a specific part or tool. I have a tire/tube to replace and I have put it off bc I know the simple act of pulling out a wrench to take the wheel off and a simple job will cause me to need a shower.

Dear Mr. BikeSlob, I work on all our bikes outside on a second story balcony. Half my tools and parts fall onto the neighbor's patio below. I make my kids go downstairs to retrieve them. As for sweat, well, it's outside.

I bet that your shop orders the 100 ball bearings for you, for the price they charge you for 10, and put the other 90 in a little plastic drawer. You might as well bring the 97 extra ball bearings you have to your shop and trade them for something else you need (which they have extras of, because of what I just described), like a presta valve adapter, traction pins, or bar end caps. You just admitted that you don't need them, but I bet that your LBS will see someone come in who needs their hub serviced, within the next year. This is why I keep my extra, unused pieces in my car. If I hang around the LBS long enough (I have a hard time remembering bike advice just told to me, so this happens often as I keep asking them to say it again), somebody will be frustrated that they need to order something, and I can jump right on that like Mr. Haney from Green Acres.

Maybe the lady with the funky helmet wears a hat when she is otherwise not on her bike. I understand that one of the main reasons people don't wear hats or helmets is because it messes up their hair. Any way, one of the main side affects of helmet wearing appears to be is, at least to me, an overly serious, scowling face. I don't know about the rest of you, but, riding my bike, helmet or no helmet (which is most of the time because I wear a wide brimmed hat while riding or walking to avoid skin cancer; I'm making the dermatologist rich cutting hunks of pre-cancerous skin off of my blond haired, blue eyed hide) brings an idiotic, childlike, smile to my face. And makes me want to say "howdy" to other riders and pedestrians, and wave at motorists, when they are well-behaved and merely shake my head and say "tisk tisk, when they aren't and......Sorry I let my love of bicycling get the best of me.

I'm absolutely not buying that helmet. There's easier ways to put a Flashdance Halloween costume together, but I spend more time outdoors than I did as a pedestrian who covered most of her travel distance underground. After my second or third Summer, I started noticing heretofore nonexistent wrinkles. That, combined with a recent 15 year college reunion where some of my classmates looked like they had stepped out of a Dorothea Lange photo, has me on a serious sunscreen regimen. UVA damage is real. Though, most folk here are guys, so you can play your wrinkles off as ruggedness (Sean Penn looks like a sharpie and pulled Charlize Theron). I gotta stay on a skin grind (sometimes literally, i.e. exfoliation). As to bike repairs, I have beloved bike shops on 38th, 88th, and 174th, so I never go more than two miles hearing a weird sound. I go directly to the spot like Jonathan/Carlos/Victor, fix the sound!

I did the exact same thing with my front wheel and the ball bearings. I didn't realize the hub was a-loose so over the months I have been truing the wheel up to compensate and now I have stripped and mangled nipples.

I also pulled the entire motor out of my KTM 400 (which means the entire back of the motorcycle has to be removed) because I thought the shifting fork was broken but it was just the shifter return spring so all I had to do was pull the clutch cover and basket. $4.84 part. Jeenyus.

I'm surprised no companies have started promoting single use/disposable bikes. If plastic utensils can save you time in the kitchen imagine how much time could be saved from bike maintenance. You could buy them in bulk to save even more money and time. Its what Park tool and friction facts dont want you know!

I was going to suggest a SmartHub that would notify your phone when it needed servicing, but most bike parts already let us know they need work by creaking, squealing, wobbling, or whatnot. That's why I have a crank from one bike sitting on my workbench waiting for me to replace the big ring (teeth are now nice and sharp and pointy). The other bike will need the same surgery pretty soon, too. Besides, anything that can talk to your phone can send those SUVs into Dunkin Donuts.

@Roille,i thought you meant this, i can't revisit seventies tv, unless it was the late night movies... and gilligan. as to bike repairs, the first time i rebuilt my brand new (so proud) trek (420, or 540, or sumthin'), i lost the back plate to the derailleur somewhere in the living room!

I beg to differ your view on the strength of the carbon frame. I've had my $2,000 Giant for 5 years and probably 10k miles. I ride it year round here on the shitty streets of NYC and I weight 190. No issues whatsoever with the frame and all of the components remain in perfect working order other than the occasional adjustment or new brake pad.

I do most repairs on my own bike, but find some are best left for the LBS. For instance I had a chain seat stay put on my bike this morning for $5 and it took about 3 minutes and that is in Manhattan. I don't keep old chains or tubes around, so a good job for those that do.

I had to return because I forgot about these insane Korean face masks! So you see, they do have something for pedestrians who are equally worried about sun damage. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0049H2KCG?ie=UTF8&tag=sinosplice-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B0049H2KCG

Now I know how to store the old shoelaces. Thank you! This will be way better than loose in the drawer next to 8 half-used rolls of scotch tape. The twice-used wood screws are already covered.

I'm still adapting to the new world of sealed bearing hubs. Last week I took one half apart, decided this would not be good, put lots of oil into the freehub body instead. Managed to put it back together. When I put it on the bike, realized that the rock I had run over last week had actually broken the hub - One of the spokes had pulled apart the aluminum.

(The new wheel/tire -- cheap Easton AXR from N*****r with an old gumwall Armadillo is noisy, once per rpm. Have not identified that yet. Had suspected the wheel, now suspecting that weird old tire.)

If you want the old gumwall look on good tires, not low end Kendas, buy your panaracer paselas now, or last year.

I tell my wife that bike fixin' is just a kind of cheap therapy. That helps justify the tool/parts budget, and all those paselas hanging in the garage.

next up in the comments, UNBELIEVABLE BUT TRUE!!!here's my entry:riding into whistler from squamish, offroad via the cheakamus canyon (so beautiful)... what's that bb noise? mavic sealed bearings? cracking mavic crankarm (still have them, why?)? nope, 4 hours out the bb axle is peeling apart at the middle! as fortune would have it, the southside deli at the time had a summer-only bike shop out back. coasted down the hill, $10 fix.

I have a late 70s Pew Joe PA-10 on a stand. It's been there for months after I got most of it repaired after the DEE-railleur committed suicide into the rear wheel.

Allz I gots ta do ... put a chain on it. I have like 3 of them laying and lying around. Got a good chain tool too ... I think. Just collecting dust up there on the stand. The fender bike ...

I guess I'll install it some time, and I'll also take the piece of cardboard out of the rear rim (temp repair!) that's insulating the tube from being spoke poked on my Colnago or Paramount or whatever frikkin metallic red bike it's on.

I wonder when my next rear spoke will break on my Olmo.

I guess I'll try to look up what was going on on the Williburg Bridge yesterday.

Dear WCRM,I did the same thing, but I dropped a pawl instead of the bearings. After ordering a new set of pawls, I went to reassemble the hub and found the missing pawl stuck to the bike frame with a Little dab of grease or schmutz or something.

FWIW - This is the sun shade of choice for discerning hellmeated riders: http://www.dabrim.com/html/products/cycling/classic.htmMy neighbor has one and wears it every ride.

There are already numerous "bike helmet sun visors" including welder-chic options. What is worse is that face-kinis are getting a fashion upgrade, so we will also have liquor store robber-chic sunwear.

Huh. I ride Shimano and don't do anything. Sure the hub bearings need to be replaced every 50 thousand miles give or take. But the freehub part? I've been riding one since about '94 with no maintenance whatsoever.

I've got a NOS replacement in a box because someone here had one self-destruct about a year ago.

I guess the apple watch measures your perspiration at the wrist and adjusts the fan speed accordingly. Finally, paying a shitload to have all these sensors in the watch pays off!

I think the kickstarter video is a joke. The proof is in the way that pronounce their name. They even write "Bouclier (pronounced BOO-klee-ur) means “shield” in French", but that's not how it's pronounce. No one on kickstarter would ever try to act smart while saying bullshit, so it has to be a fake.

This post is too close to home. My fenderred beik has been out of service for over a year because I took the hub apart, found the free hub was cracked, and haven't gotten around to getting a replacement. I will probably surrender at some point and take it to a shop.

Freehub? I think I've wandered into the wrong kind of bar and better leave right now.

I did have a tiny mechanical problem though - today I rode to Mt. Vernon and back, and at about mile 38, five miles from home, I noticed my left crank was loose. An inevitable occurrence but rare enough that I never carry a tool for that. So I limped along, hand-tightening it every quarter mile; but then I stopped at Phoenix Bikes (in Barcroft Park, Arlington) and borrowed a tool for five seconds. This is a place where a small army of kids are learning bike repair and Frankensteining (if I may coin a term) many many junkers back into useful, salable bikes. I get that optimistic feeling, when I go by there, that this is the real future of cycling - not so much in typical bike emporiums where the entry level bike is $999 if you're lucky, and not the TdF.

Snobby, the solution to your wheel problem is......You need more wheels.You need to have at least one (two is better) spare wheel for every type/wheel size/tire size that you own.If you are ready for a ride, and you notice that the tire is low, wheel change time. If you are ready to ride and you notice that there is a flat spot on the tire, and the cords are sticking out, wheel change time.The only time this can be a problem is when you begin to accumulate obsolete wheels, like wheels with 7 speed freewheels, or even 8 speed cassettes.

This is very true. With this particular bike though I never worried about spare wheels because I have another mountain bike--which is what I should have ridden this morning instead of wasting my time futzing.

Freehub? I barely know hub! What is the deal with long musical intro sequences on promotional videos? And by "long" I mean "longer than 2 seconds." Both the Land Rover and Douchclier videos today suffer from this. I'm not on the couch settling in for Doctor Zhivago here people, and I don't particularly like your music, so the only "mood" you're "setting" is annoyance. Maybe you could try just getting to the point, saying it and GingTFO? Pretend it's 30 seconds of network airtime that cost $300,000. Because it's not like I'm gonna forget I'm watching a commercial, so yeah, why not just deliver your message more like a commercial! Say what you will, they get their shit SAID. And they only waste 30 seconds of my time. Never thought I'd say anything like that.

I have a HUGE collection of used nefarious items that takes up most of the space in my secret underground bunker. However, I can never seem to find the right part when I need it because I'm not so much of a genius at categorization. It seems I just end up calling up Kim Jong or someone to borrow the item along with a cup of sugar for the pie I was planning to bake.

Lol! Oh no! What will I ever have in common with Lance? Oh wait...dope is for dopes, and I am a dope, after all.

Ken- Sweet! And that sounds like the best way to do that trip - way better than that soul-sucking tire-destroying ride along the Sea2Sky.

Milano Fredericko - Mille Grazie. :) xo

Evil Genius - I heard he doesn't poo, but that would make him full of **it...

Queenie cakes - I know, right? And actually I have learned a lot from all of the guys who have fixed my poor over used, rode hard and put away wet bikes, too. Though there is a certain amount of satisfaction that comes from the self sufficiency. Last time I flatted it was cool that it only took me a few minutes to change the tube - I was finished with the task even before that sweet young hottie in his Ford pickup truck stopped to see if everything was under control. :) xx

Snob @3:49 - And no hub is easier than Shimano to service. People who are idiots complain about the loose balls cup and cone arrangement, but if you possess even a modicum of skill they are easy to work on, the parts are inexpensive and readily available at any shop, and the only special tool required is a set of cone wrenches. If, for instance, something in a mavic hub needs to be replaced, your bike is likely out of commission for at least a couple of weeks and you'll probably need about 15 specialty tools to make the replacement.

I did something like that years ago on a local bbs/forum and stored posts with date / times author, text etc in a database. I scheduled it to run every 10 minutes during the day and every hour at night. Mostly to solve arguments about who said what and when. I would post a thread from a long time past to settle arguments. Yeah the business was a bit slow at that time and I was bored.

I'm guessing Ted is doing something similar and just checking for a new blog post and posting his pre-made stuff. he doesn't post that much so probably doesn't need to worry about the robot pictures. Or maybe it alerts him and he posts manually. really not that hard.

There really isn't a finer hub than a Shimano - just as said above, inexpensive to service, simple, lasts forever.

The Mavic prebuilt wheels on the other hand. POS - I have a set of 8 year old Cross Max mountain bike wheels (26" of course) and they stopped making spokes to repair when the aluminum spokes break. I'll take some DT Swiss 3X on a Shimano hub over just about anything now.

But overhauling those BMX freecoaster hubs? (Built so when you roll backwards the pedals aren't driven backwards like a freewheel or cassette) whacked.

I pray to the Good Lord before I attempt to disassemble any hub or gear cluster, and the Holy Spirit does come down in all it's glory, and never has a single bearing ever gone astray. Only the sinners suffer God's wrath by having their components fall by the wayside and vanish forever, probably into the clutches of Satan and his demons.

At the bottom of this page where it says “Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)”? That alerts the bot that there is a new post from WCRM. The bot randomly clicks pictures until it guesses correctly. It generally takes several minutes, sometime 20. If 5 real people post before the bot can, it shuts down until the next day. I check most morning to see if the page set up and/or robot trap has changed, and adjust the script as required.

But have you noticed sometimes you click the “Please prove you're not a robot” and you just get a green check, without having to click pictures? That is a pretty good robot trap, it makes the regular bot hang up and not know what to do. The only way around it I’ve figured out so far is run 2 bots at the same time, one to click pictures and the other assumes it gets the green check without pictures. So I apologize in advance if it posts twice on one day by accident.

You damm rear wheel problem people... I must have caught something from you...

Thought I picked up a piece of glass or stone, felt the heartbeat bumps in the rear wheel. Stopped to see (I don't want to get my hand caught in the rear tyre + seat tube space.). A piece of the tread came off my Bontrager Hard Case tire. I'll deal with it whenever. Took the bontrager wheel off and put in a Shimano Ultegra (or 105?) hub with a red anodized mavic CXP 21. Clean and yummy.

There's just a teeny bit of difference in width with the locknuts or whatever. My chain skips in my 2 most frequently used gears (shimano 9 speed). Roadside adjustments while late. Always fun. Iss also posseeblay that the chain is worn so different to these cogs. Anyway, I got here. Now to get some new rubba for the original wheel and get stuff back to my usual level of suckiness.

Your rear derailer likely will not handle this big of a change. Assuming the 34 sprocket clears the top pulley, you are likely going to have to go with a 34-13 or 34-14, and/or use a smaller big chain ring.

or maybe "... of he 2 chain rings, you may need to replace the larger of the 2 chain rings with a smaller on. Not smaller than the smaller chain ring, that is to say not smaller than the inside or left hand one, that can stay in place on the bikecycle."

In my laBORatOry I put a mountaine cassette groupetto on my Pew Joe fender bike. 48 / 38 Stronglight steampunk cranks up front. I think it's a 11 or 12 by 32 or 34. It's been so long I have to brush off all the dust and asbestos bits clinging to it. Anywayze I put a SheeManO XT changer back there ... on a claw! The nut on the inside (not me!) prevents the chaine from being shifted on to the smallest cog. Like when the fluff would I be shifting onto a 12 anyway??

The good Doctor Frankenstein would issue his electrode embossed seal of approval. It is a rather comfy ride with 531 main tubes, Belleri h-bars. Campy brifters, old campy Nuovo record front shifter, shimano 9 speed chain (when I put it on!), shimano cassette and rear der. Little nuts and bolts in the big chainring to keep the 9 speed chain from slipping between the chainrings. It all works ok in practice.

If I could only get around to putting on the chain ... and mounting the rear tyre ... Maybe next year!

Hey, I saw a great documentary on Pantani last night on Netflix (I lead a full and rich life).I actually felt really sorry for the guy, and softened my opinion, but man, Lance Armstrong is really, really, really a shit-stain of a person. Nice to see all the old honest faces, Riis, Ullrich, Basso, etc. All treated unfairly and persecuted.

My last ride my gearing was I don't give a fuck. Too hard I push the thingy to make it easier, too easy I push it the other way. I only use Strava to make penises.

Whenever I swap wheels from the 25 year old Ultegra freehub (originally 7, then 8 and now sporting 10 cogs) to anything else I wonder what's wrong with my bike that's causing it to make all that racket.

BZZZZZZZ. Oh right. Not the quiet and peaceful Shimano hub.

Also, the 25 year old Shimano rear pairs nicely with the 32 year old Campy Nuovo Record front. Cup and cone bearings forever!!!

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!