You don't understand man. I'm disappointing myself with what I do. I have no confidence that I'm doing anything right, and I don't have anyone I trust enough to convince me that I'm right. So I'm just wrong. I know life has no right answers, but it has plenty of wrong ones.

Well I'm feeling like I'm too late to the party. That no one could ever want me around, and that feeling is becoming so strong that I'm actually feeling sick. Every time I think about it, I want to throw up. I didn't sleep well tonight because of what I've come to realize. I'm not a guy who'll ever encounter mutual love. That's how it is.

It has been demonstrated that neurogenesis can sometimes occur in the adult vertebrate brain, a finding that led to controversy in 1999.[27] However, more recent studies of the age of human neurons suggest that this process occurs only for a minority of cells, and the overwhelming majority of neurons comprising the neocortex were formed before birth and persist without replacement.

I don't get these comments rolled though.
Some times I wonder if I'm wrong. Again.
That I should feel these emotions. That I should communicate them. Tell people how I feel. But nah. That will only scare everyone away.

I won't say that I don't have faith in myself, because I kinda think I'm subconsciously still hanging on to a little shred of hope, but I've chosen to not care. It doesn't matter at all. I can always just imagine that I'm curling up with one of my fictional love interests, that is something. It doesn't matter that no one likes me. I can live without people.

No I have yet to, my only concern is I don't want to get sucked into another series that has like a hundred episodes. Fairy Tail damn near ruined my last semester of college. So many episodes watched in such a short time

Well I have some to try out now. My list right now is naruto, just ******* end god, Fairy Tail, and Sakura-sō no Pet na Kanojo. All on going which is alright I guess. Which do you more highly recommend?

Hm. Well I really liked Shijou Saikyo no Deshi Kenichi, but the anime was sadly sub-par to the manga. It's really sad to see such a good martial arts-series with such bad animation, when things with no movement whatsoever has great animation. It really annoys me.

And I've tried and failed once. I'm way behind. But I've philosophized to come to the conclusion I've come to, instead of building it up on actual experience. So now I'm alone, and I have nothing to offer.

Everyone has problems indeed. Real problems out in the real life. I'm the only one who doesn't have problems, and yet I'm sitting here, whining like a teenage girl because I've read some romance stories. Ahaha, how pathetic.

Doesn't matter. It doesn't change how I feel when I'm outside. It's very obvious that I couldn't possibly treat a woman right. It's not like love is the only requirement for a relationship, sadly it is not enough to just be me.

It's a pretty safe and rich country. Only youth that drinks more alcohol than our are the Irish, last I checked. I'm completely left behind because I don't drink, and I didn't get any friends while most people still didn't drink (at the age of 12-13)

There's no age at when it's illegal to drink, it's only illegal to buy alcohol before you're 16. In comparison, you can get a driver's license when you're 18. You are allowed to buy alcohol before you're an adult. It's stupid. But it's our culture.

It's about 21 that it's supposed to be fully developed though. And in any case, alcohol before you're 21 is insane enough as it is. I just get so disappointed, it's like everyone is doing it. Drinking alcohol, smoking weed, having sex with random people. I don't want that, and I don't want this life I'm leading right now. There doesn't seem to be a middle way.

It's not. It doesn't matter what I've learned in school, everyone who is not a retard could learn that. I just know that there is no one out there for me, no woman who would share my ideal of love with me. It's all just realism and cynicism.

I always feel I'm doing right until it all breaks down. I couldn't even be in a relationship because I'd know it wouldn't last. I couldn't hold anyone, because no one would want me to. I couldn't love anyone because no one could ever share that privilege with me. I'll just stand here and look at the people who can live.

Hitler was a passionate man with a dream, who turned Germany's economy good in just a few years. He was much more than I'll ever be, even with all the people he slaughtered. I'm pretty much worse off socially than Hitler.

Again, dictators had passions. They might also have been small, insecure men, but so am I, and I'm not out there conquering anything. That might give me the moral high grounds, but it doesn't change the fact that I'll never share love with anyone.

That doesn't work. It feels awkward, forced and ends very quickly again. And never picks up. Those brief encounters, I've tried more times than I can remember. Never worked. Never. I guess I'm just a ******* retard.

Then I've had a depression my entire life. It's not like I can't do ****, I can still rip strings on my guitar and program some stupid ****. It just doesn't matter. I'll maybe find an alright job and make some pointless money to buy pointless **** and then I'll die.

Sounds like you'll sleep well~
I just wrote a program that rotates a figure based on Cartesian coordinates by converting them to polar coordinates and increasing the angle by a value, then converting them back. It's quite great.

Well I don't really like it. I can't really train just for training's sake. At least not for long at a time. I did enjoy my old kung-fu practice, but I didn't like the methods or the teachers much. Too sports-oriented.

i feel ya. it isnt for everyone. Also if i vanish for a bit or become spotty in my replies, it's because im traveling for a meet and not sure if we have wifi or not. I leave in four hours soooooo yeah.

Something more than others. If it's just distractions, then it's shallow happiness. You know, I've been told before that it's surprising I'm as alone as I am, that I'm actually a pretty nice guy. I guess I just don't meet that many people.

I'm not that big a fan of reptiles. I mean, I think they're cute, but as far as pets go, I want something that I can cuddle. Only thing I can cuddle; animals and inanimate objects. Guess that's how it's going to be~

Problem is, that might be what people say, but is that how people act? Could I start a relationship with ANYONE while having these thoughts? I doubt it, they're going to be misunderstood or hated very quickly

Just having the hope to continue existing is sadly not that much of a quality. And I can't just be myself, in this world, who I am is not good. No one could like that. So I have to change myself to someone else, or I will live a lonely life.

I am, and don't start spout statistics at me, it doesn't work. People have tried that before. Just because it's a statistic doesn't mean that it holds true. I know enough about statistics to realize this.

They do lie, in fact. Especially when you try to push numbers onto something that really has too many variables to be measurable. All I know is that who I am is not someone who could be loved or share a stable relationship. I'm not good enough.

Haha, sadly, throwing my issues onto other people is what I'm best at. Like this discussion I'm having with you. Or the people I chat with on Skype. I just end up bothering them with my sadness, so the best choice is to just lie here alone, crying without annoying anyone.

thought you ditched out on me for a bit there, long reply time. Then its just finding something that makes you happy despite the results. For me thats running. As long as i give it all I can't be angry with myself

It doesn't really help me that others are in the same position as me. That only reinforces my belief that I couldn't share love with anyone to begin with. Despite all my romantic ideals, I've got no experience, so all those ideals are just dreams. Egoistic illusions from some fake world.

Existing is part of the battle, but not something I started. And now I've lost everyone else, more or less, so I have to try from the beginning. That makes it difficult to be with anyone else, because I have to constantly run to even be around others. I wish I could relax more with it.

You know what I mean. I am me, and I long for things that the me that is me could never have. So these contradicting feelings are just stuck inside me. It's a neverending debate on whether to change myself to be acceptable, or stay the same and never reach what I want.

Ah, but it's not just about gender roles, it's a general rule. I can't be like this. Who I am and what I long for, automatically exclude each other. I need to be confident and secure if I ever want to find one to share my life with.

My problem is, that to change myself, I need to get out and meet new people. For that I need some excuse. And I'm going out there. Sadly, right now I'm stuck, it's all in the future. Not too far away, but during the wait, I reserve the right to feel like I'm left alone here.