Plus Size Women: Just “fat and lazy” you say?

Did you catch that part about the “perfect basketball shaped tummy”? I ended up searching this hashtag for encouragement when I get pregnant one day. I was so insecure and didn’t feel like I had enough people who were my size and pregnant that I’d seen in the media. Most pregnant moms on magazines are smaller than I am and have a smooth round tummy. I’m glad that I saw rolls in this video if I’m being honest. I’m glad that their tummies weren’t perfect.

Society may think it sets the standard but it is our choice whether or not we choose the media depicts any of us should and should not look like. Matter of fact, I aim to have a very untraditional wedding approach for this reason: we put too many things in a box.

Including the topic of what it means to be a woman and what women should and should not look like. Because when we agree about the lies the enemy pours into society we become a part of the problem because we agree with what is not true. In doing so, we become less sensitive or loving or appreciative of the fact that not everyone is SUPPOSED to look like you. And that is A-OKAY.

We leave out people who are plus size or underweight for health reasons and others too. What about us? What about them? What about those that the media carefully excludes?

“Look at this room, we’re all so different: our sizing, our shapes, our height. That’s the beauty of what women are. When I was younger, the look was heroin chic, we all loved Kate Moss. I think Kate Moss is fabulous, but that’s never something I could’ve been. When I was younger I was rounder and chubbier. I thought, ‘who can I look up to?’ I loved Victoria’s Secret models, not that I wanted to be one, but they had bigger breasts, and a little curve. Then JLo came around and… she’s the oracle. I totally looked up to her.” – Khloe Kardashian

As a plus size woman myself there are so many misconceptions about being plus size let alone being a pregnant AND plus size woman in today’s world. Can I share a few with you, truths about us plus size women, and how to love us women of size?

MISCONCEPTIONS

(1) We eat a lot. – You may be surprised that I can eat a well proportioned sized meal and STILL gain more weight than you because of my condition called PCOS. Not all of us gain weight by choice. Sometimes it feels like my body is sabotaging every effort matter of fact

(2) We don’t exercise – some of us don’t workout to lose weight you know? Some of us are actually very active and can run more miles than you! Some of us actually like the skin we’re in. Why is that wrong?

(3) We’re lazy – well…what about you? Are you lazy? Why does weight have to define laziness? I don’t get it. Just because I am black and Caribbean it does not mean that Christians are ONLY black and Caribbean. Therefore, why should all thicker women be labelled as lazy just because we’re fat? Some of us are own BUSINESSES for crying out loud!

TRUTHS

(1) We are not defined by our weight. I could lose all this at any moment. Just as we are not defined by our jobs or what people say about YOU as a person. We are not defined by our weight. Are you defined by the color of your skin? No! The color of your skin is just that. Our weight is our weight and says nothing about who we are! If that is true, I want you to step ok the scale right this minute and check your number out. What does that number have to say about your dreams? What makes you happy? Your CHARACTER? Your goals? Your strengths? Your weakness? Nothing. It says nothing. Therefore, how can a sack of organs, body fat, and liquid define who I AM as God’s baby? It can’t. Weight is literally just a number and there’s more to it than meets the eye. And IF that number signifies laziness don’t judge by the fruit. Maybe we lost a family member and have gained a-lot of weight because of the events reeling from that…you know?

Have a little sensitivity towards us and towards EACH OTHER for crying out loud. It’s not about looks. And humanity was never destined to use what is perceived as a flaw to divide us. We’ve GOT to come together and be the different voice that brings acceptance and encouragement. Not discouragement, doubt, and shame. Am I wrong for saying let alone wanting this? Lay down every device that causes divide daily in how you treat let alone THINK about others. In John 17 Jesus prays a prayer of unity. This is His heart; for us to come together and not allow looks or poor decisions to divide us or cause us to hate one another in the body of Christ for this is our witness to the world and when the world looks at how way choose to live they should…no…MUST see unity and acceptance in the body unless we will simply be a poor example with a spotlight on our actions to the entire world. Get what I’m saying?

No one should EVER feel shamed or un-embraced and unaccepted when we serve a God who sent His Son to die for sinners and has bestowed SO MUCH LOVE ACCEPTANCE AND GRACE into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which every believer has received by trusting in God’s Son and believing in who He is and all He does.

(2)Some of us have conditions, like me, that cause us to gain weight more rapidly and in larger amounts than others. Ever heard of Lipedema? Therefore, please don’t assume you know everything anybody because of what you see. Are you God? Let Him judge that person. Not you.

(3) We have dreams too and can make exceptional friends, spouses, sisters, you name it – if only you got to know us. How would you feel if everybody stopped talking to you because you gained even more weight? How would you feel if someone skipped over your job profile based on your looks? Then don’t do the same to others including us women of size. We are human too. We are loved by God just as much as you are and He sees us too! Will you?

HOW TO LOVE US

(1)Get to know us. Don’t avoid us or feel intimidated to talk to us just because of our size! And if you’re reading this and have no problem doing so. Great!! Encourage others to do the same.

(2) If we have not told you already – some of us don’t like to be called fat. But we all do have one thing in common – a name! Use it.

(3) Why do we have to be on a diet? Don’t bring it up. Our lifestyle choices are our own. Unless you know us, avoid such a topic. It can be very insulting to assume that because we are we either should be or should desire to be on a diet. Would you like someone to mention a lighter foundation color if they thought you were “too black” or a tan if they thought you were “too white”? Or eye surgery (to all my Asian sisters and brothers!) if they thought your eyes were “too slim and skinny”? Walk with wisdom wherever you go and ESPECIALLY in what you choose to say. If not for them then for yourself.

(4) You can love us by first accepting and embracing YOURSELF – the YOU were carefully designed to be by God. Until then, you will always fall into self-criticism and criticism of others. Never truly satisfied with what you see. Accepting yourself will help you to accept others. Celebrate yourself and in doing so you will be more likely to celebrate others no matter what. Embrace even the things about you that you nitpick or don’t like. Of course, challenge out the bad and allow God to prune you. But embrace what is good about you!

Don’t change who you truly are for anyone! I will even go as far as to say – don’t listen to the enemy lies in our culture to change about yourself what you don’t like. I say accept it. Your body is a temporary thing after all. Our bodies will be transformed anyway! (2 Corinthians 5)And if that’s not enough to convince you!

“So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ].” Philippians 2:12 (AMP)

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness (spiritual training) is of value in everything and in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8 (AMP)

And besides…God cares about the heart. Your looks? Say nothing about your character. What’s in your heart and your beliefs? Changes the way you live. Can looks do that? No.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t do our best to take care of our bodies because we need to good health to be effective where we are at. But remember what matters – it isn’t good looks. It’s never good looks.

“When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely the Lord‘s anointed is before him.”7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”” 1 Samuel 16:6-7 (AMP)

What made God trust David (who eventually became king) wasn’t his looks but his heart for God.

“David asked the men standing near him, “What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?”” 1 Samuel 17:26 (NIV)

David went on to kill this “uncircumcised Philistine” in that same chapter.

IN CONCLUSION

Here’s a quote I’d like to present you with for further thought and pondering on your own and with God:

TESS HOLLIDAY…

“I think that some of the biggest surprises I’ve had early on, actually to this day, are all the misconceptions about my body and my health. There are so many people who think that being a plus-size model, that there’s something wrong with it, or that I must be unhealthy or that I’m promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. And at first it was very hard, and I blamed it on myself, and then I thought… my health is none of their business, I’m modelling for this clothing company, so why are people dissecting my body and telling me that I can’t wear some things?

That I can’t look a certain way because of my body? And I did combat that for a while, and argue with people about that, but ultimately it’s kind of like banging your head into a brick wall. If people are committed to that theory, I’m not going to change their mind. But there people who look like me, and feel like me, who feel like they don’t have a voice, and that encouraged me to keep going.”

So take our struggles seriously and learn about them even if you don’t consider yourself to be plus sized. Where there is diversity there must be humility and acceptance. In order to love us well, you must seek to learn about our struggles and to learn about us as individuals! We’re people too.

(P.S. I would exercise a fair warning that when searching her name you will come across lingerie pictures that aren’t at all distasteful, at least not to me, but I wanted to let you all know. So guard your heart with wisdom and don’t say I didn’t warn ya!)