Victorian Spoof discovered in Chelmsford Attic

The following is a Spoof news article from 1840, one of several articles discovered in a dusty box in the attic of Duncan Brown in Chelmsford.

It has come to the attention of all rational minded individuals that our beloved Queen of a mere three years, Queen Victoria, intends to marry into German nobility. Polite society has given notice that it has been appalled that such Visigoth blood should be sullying the British bloodline. Verily, the people of Coburg should descend from the stock of the very boar they eat! Have no doubt, our Queen shall be saying Auf Wiedersehen to her British heritage, guten tag to her German children and danke to the heads of state.

From where does a German think he can take on the very mantle of British Empire? It is beyond human comprehension that a man of barbaric blood could be a consort of a virgin queen! Surely the stuff of fiction. And he cannot grow a correct moustache. Taking a cue from Albert's heritage, one can say that this pretender to the heart of Victoria shall be bald by the time he is thirty. Should this transpire, the entire nation may guffaw and chortle at cartoon depictions of this saurkraut eating European.

Perhaps he is to attempt to corrupt the British Empire to run along vastly inferior German lines? It is well known that no nation compares to the efficiency of the British, it is for this reason that three quarters of the globe bows before our Queen, and the other quarter would, if they knew what was good for them!

Alas, dear reader, though one may raise a smile at the humour of such absurdity as a British Queen marrying a German, it is with sadness that it is reported that truth is stranger than fiction, and as such, Victoria shall be wedded to Albert before the year is out. As the dear reader attempts to travel through his normal life, he will not be surprised to discover he will be conversing in German and ordering Bratwurst from a street hawker!