Always Here

I’ve been thinking about Cohen quite a bit lately. I think about him a lot, but around the holidays, I think about him not being here with us even more.

I think the loss of any loved one is definitely….. felt deeply around the holidays or special events. That seems like human nature.

Now that Knox & Sloane are a bit older, it truly feels like we have kids during the holidays. I know we had them here with us last year, but they were still so small and quiet. This yea, now with it being Thanksgiving, I think about how thankful we are for our children and of course, Cohen was our first child..but he’s not here. So while we are thankful for our children and love spending special holidays with them, we still feel a part of our heart is missing. Don’t get me wrong, our hearts are so very full, but I imagined holidays with Cohen and then I wondered if he would be here with us. Then, I realized he wouldn’t be. The moments I longed for with my child, during the holidays don’t exist, but they do.

I know what it’s like to long for a child to celebrate these special holidays with. The fall & winter after Cohen passed away were hard, but my heart still had hope. It ached, but I wanted life to go on and my hope for children to continue. My love and memories of Cohen continued.

As we traveled for Thanksgiving this year, we loaded BT in the car like we did Knox & Sloane, our luggage and ourselves. I thought about Cohen on the way and I woke up next to BT. Full heart..happy heart…but a little bit sad, too.

Then, an hour after I woke up, I read this email…

It was a sign and my Thanksgiving felt complete. Even though I knew he is here with us, I think God knew I needed that reminder. He’s all around us. He is as thankful for Knox & Sloane as we are.

If you are hopeful for a child, don’t give up. If you’ve loved ours, thank you.

We are thankful for you!

Children’s will always hold a special place in our heart and I so enjoy reading their blog and Facebook posts. We were so grateful to be able to donate the iPods and we appreciate the portion that was donated to help us do so. Very thankful this Thanksgiving and always.

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Comments

I think about you and your family often. Every time I sit down to feed my baby I check your blog. I feel like I know you guys but know that I truly don't and probably will never meet y'all. The whole several states away thing and all. All 3 of your babies are so very lucky to have you two as mommy and daddy! I can always tell by your posts how much you love them. I pray that this holiday season and every single one after this one, you feel Gods peace and grace. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families! I'm very thankful to have found your blog.

Cohen sounds like he was a special boy who touched so many people's lives and hearts. I'm sorry for your loss. Your blog has resonated with me, and I very much needed to read what you wrote about being happy but also feeling sadness, especially at this time. I recently gave birth to a baby boy – Baby A. My pregnancy started off as a twin pregnancy. We made it through the first trimester, and found out that we were having two boys. Halfway through my pregnancy, Baby B died. I was devastated, but kept going because of Baby A. I think of Baby B, who we named Declan, every day. I'm very thankful for Baby A, but I will always think about his twin brother.

This made me a bit teary while reading. I can never imagine the loss of a child, and can only imagine how your heart feels so full but yet still missing a part. I know Cohen is spending his Thanksgiving with Jesus and is smiling down on his mommy and daddy and his little sister and brother. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving! Prayers to all!