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Sunday, June 10, 2012

Corpus Christi and a Vocation Story

Corpus Christi

“…After gazing on God, they could still eat and drink.” These lines from the Book of Exodus, which we
read at our midnight office of Matins each year on the feast of Corpus Christi, never
fail to make me smile. The story is
being told of Moses bringing the chosen elders of Israel
up Mt.Sinai to meet God. Evidently, the author of the Sacred
Scriptures is amazed that these chosen souls were able to survive the
experience! I wonder what he would he
think about us, the people of the New Covenant, who not only gaze on God in the
Holy Eucharist, but actually take Him intimately within ourselves as our food
and drink? And what would that holy
scribe think of God Himself, who gives this privilege so lavishly, not only to
a chosen few, but to everyone who believes and loves Him? Indeed, let us with joyful and humble hearts,
“give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His mercy endures forever!”

Although, as I said above, that Jesus calls everyone to His
Eucharistic embrace, it is still true that He calls a chosen few to dwell with
Him always on His holy mountain. Here is
the vocation story of our aspirant Sarah who hopes to join us soon on Mt. St. Francis to adore the Lord night and day
forever:

The love story which has been my vocation began two years ago while I was a
Sophomore at Christendom College in Front Royal, VA. I was leaving a building
on campus when a friend of mine who was sitting on a bench nearby called to me
as I passed.
“Sarah!”
I stopped and turned around. “Yes?”
“Have you ever thought of becoming a nun?”
Up to that point in my life I had never had strong feelings toward either the
married or religious state, but afterwards that changed. For the first time in
my life I could not shake the idea of devoting my life to Christ. At first I
was angry and confused that God could have so thoroughly uprooted and cast
aside the plans I had made for my life. I had assumed that I would lead a
“normal” life like everyone else—go to college, get a job, and probably get
married at some point and raise a family. Yet now all my plans were fading away
at the advance of a far more brilliant and beautiful dream, and there was
nothing I could do to bring them back. All the rest of that semester and the
following summer I wrestled with myself and God until I yielded my will for
His, realizing that all I truly wanted in life was His Will for me and that
Will alone would be my happiness. It was then that my heart found relief and a
great sense of peace.

The following semester I took part in ChristendomCollege’s study abroad program in Italy. As part
of the program my fellow students and I visited Assisi, where I could palpably feel the
spirit of the ragged beggar who once so joyfully walked its cobbled streets.
Towards the end of the pilgrimage, I went to pray before the cross of San
Damiano. As I knelt before the cross, I found myself asking the same question
that St. Francis had as a young man kneeling before this same cross: “Lord,
what do you want me to do?” Then I heard the most beautiful voice in my heart.
It was a voice that did not speak in words so much as it did in love, and my
heart leapt with joy as I knew it instantly for that of my Jesus. He answered
me, saying, “Come. Come. Be mine. I love you.” I could barely contain my joy as
I cried “yes.” I felt gloriously helpless in the arms of His love—how could I
answer His beloved voice with anything other than consent?

After some later reflection, I decided to take this great grace with a grain of
salt; perhaps Our Lord wanted me to grow closer to Him in my spiritual life,
and was not necessarily calling me to become a religious sister. Yet His call
only grew in my heart, along with a magnetic attraction to any Franciscan or
Poor Clare I met in Rome!
I realized that I needed to learn more about the Poor Clare order, and began to
investigate different monasteries. First I visited the Poor Clares in Alexandria, VA,
but I did not feel drawn to return for a second visit. Then I searched the
internet and read over the websites of multiple Poor Clare communities; yet I
did not feel drawn to visit a single one of them. That is, until I visited the
website of Bethlehem Monastery. I had been to their website before, since a
close friend of mine had entered there the previous year, but this time I heard
it speak to me—I do not know how else to describe it—in a way which struck my
heart and instantly convinced me that I needed to visit. It was as if the
community spoke to my heart in the voice of someone who might become a beloved
friend.

On August 12, the day after the feast of St. Clare and the inauguration of the
800th anniversary year of the founding of the Poor Clare order, I visited
Bethlehem Monastery for a weekend. I could not believe the peace and joy which
I experienced while I was there. My soul literally drank up the life as if it
could never have enough! I remember being struck by the silence which hummed
and sang with the energy of the still, small Voice Who speaks through it to the
listening heart. As the weekend drew to a close, I could not wait to leave the
Monastery so that I could return. I knew that if my weekend experience stood
the test of time and my return brought me peace and a sense of coming home,
then these would be signs that God was calling me to live there forever.

This return visit came in October during my Fall Break from college. Over the
course of my five hour drive, so many doubts and fears crowded into my mind
that I reached Barhamsville convinced I was mistaken and Our Lord was not
calling me to Bethlehem Monastery. Yet as I pulled around the corner and the
monastery came into sight, I felt instead a great sense of peace. Of arrival.
Of having come home.

The next few days were fraught with doubts and fears. I could hear Christ’s
voice speaking to me through the Divine Office and confirming my vocation to
the Monastery; yet I still hesitated. I was waiting for some big sign by which
I could be absolutely certain of God’s Will for me. Then at vespers on Thursday
of that week we prayed Psalm 32, in which God said to me:

“I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will give you
counsel with my eye upon you. Be not like the horse and mule, unintelligent,
needing bridle and bit, else they will not approach you. Many sorrows has the
wicked but he who trusts in the Lord, loving mercy surrounds him.”

I took this as a sign that Our Lord wanted me to trust in Him without needing
the confirmation of a dramatic sign. He was asking me to love Him in a deeper,
more mature way by trusting completely in Him. That is when I found myself
writing in my spiritual journal the word “yes.” I repeated, “Yes. Yes,” and
felt a deep sense of peace and profound joy. I knew, and still know, that my
Beloved Spouse desires to wed me at Bethlehem Monastery. And how could I ever
desire anything else? For in His Will we always find our joy, fulfillment, and
peace.