I have lost about 8 kilos from the time since we last shot. I’m weight training and keeping my mouth zipped. Try it.

Q.Ya, even I don’t talk…

(Laughs) I talk. In fact, that’s my therapy. I talk and I talk and I talk. I had a DP saying how would you like a tall glass of shut the f%@&k up. That was fab.

Q.When did you realise that you have to lose the extra kilos?

When I was pregnant I realised that I’d have to lose all the weight. Because I felt unfit. And I enjoy my workouts. Not to be at the peak of fitness like I was before I got pregnant was not acceptable. It’s like a skill you’ve learnt and then suddenly lost. And you want to go back to it. And get as good as you were if not better. I thought I’ve had my two babies. That’s done. So better get into shape now.

Q.What tips would you give to people who want to lose weight?

You have to take charge of your life. If you want to lose weight, you have to be obsessed with it. You can’t depend upon your dietician, your trainer or various health aids that you have. You have to be organsied. And believe me it isn’t that difficult. The first 10 days are terrible because you have to break the lifelong habits that you have made. Also, when you go out with friends you have to order from the menu. So what do you do? These days I have started eating from home before going out.

Q.But you’re Kajol, you can ask the chef to make something for you. What about lesser mortals like us?

I’m sorry but I’m not the sort of person who goes out and gives orders like that. Yes sometimes I’ve done that when I’ve been very hungry and have had no other choice. But otherwise I have my dinner at home before going out. The point is the company you’re going out with and not the food. It just becomes a habit after a while. It also helps when people you’re going out with help you get there. Some people say - have that beer or have the French fries, nothing will happen with one French fry, eat that cheese popcorn, it doesn’t matter... But it does matter. Each decision you make in life matters, each meal matters. That’s the kind of thinking you should have where work is concerned, where a relationship is concerned. That applies to everything in your life. Whether it’s your husband, your next meal or your work. If the small things don’t matter then you miss out on the big picture. Make that extra effort for every relationship. Whether it’s with your parents, your children, your husband or your friends. It makes a difference to them.

Q.What are these small things you’re talking about?

It depends on person to person, relationship to relationship. With your kids, you must try to give them undivided attention. I try to give them solo time where you play with them, talk to them, listen to them. Similarly, you give time for your workout. You slot a time for it, no matter what.

Q.But is that easy for a working woman?

Yes it is. When I’m working, I wake up at 5.30 am. I hit the gym at 6 am. I’m done with my workout at 7 am. I wake up my kids. I send them to school and I’m out of the house at 8.30 am. It isn’t impossible, you can do it. Yes, there’s a bit of micro management involved. And once you get into a routine, it becomes easy. Yes, you get exhausted by the end of day and want to pack up at 10 pm. The best thing you can do for your body is sleep. It’s simple. Cater to your body as much as to your mind. Your body after all houses your mind. You have to pay attention to your physicality as much as your mentality. It’s easy for me to take hundred books and be cooped up here. I can have my meals delivered at the door. I’ve done it when I was younger. You can be completely cerebral but you have to realise that your body is also important. And when you start working out, you realise you’re calmer, you’re nicer. People are reacting to you differently. Not because you’ve lost weight but because you’re calmer, your perspective has changed. All the angst we have, the stress we have can be controlled, if not completely eradicated, just by working out.

Q.So this makeover that we see, is it a conscious decision?

It’s not something that has happened to me in the last six months. I’ve been weight training for the last five years. My diet has been good for the last five years. My way of thinking, way of eating has slowly evolved into a lifestyle. I sleep early. But I like to put my kids to sleep. It takes me time to put them to sleep and I enjoy it. It’s my time with my kids. That’s my beauty secret.The way you dress up these days has changed dramatically. If I’m making the effort to get dressed that’s because I’m interested. Otherwise, I’m still comfortable in my jeans and t-shirt. It’s the ultimate comfy wear. But I have the time now to indulge myself. So I’m doing it.

Q.When you hit your mid 30s, did you go through mid-life crisis? Is this transformation because of that?

Everyone asks me why have you suddenly decided to dress up. That’s because I have that much time on my hands. You want to explore certain parts of your personality that have been dormant. You have the time to do it now. It’s like picking up another skill set. You don’t want to know how I’ve changed myself mentally because that won’t show on my face. You won’t know about it because it’s internal. The external changes show. We all are a work in progress. And we’re progressing towards our eventuality.

Q.Would you ever do botox or go under the knife to preserve your looks?

I don’t think so. But I don’t know what I will look like at 60. I just may. I like the way I look now. I like myself. I believe I look way better now than I did 10 years ago. I can understand going for botox at 45-50, when you want to keep things in place. But I don’t understand 25 year olds going for botox or under the knife. You don’t require it. Your skin is fresh, young. Why would you do that to yourself?

Q.What’s the first thought that comes to your mind when you see yourself in the mirror?

That I’m fantastic, I’m beautiful, I’m amazing. I’m lovely. Every adjective that I know, I throw at myself every morning in front of the mirror.

Q.So there’s truly no mid-life crisis?

There’s been no mid-life crisis, not in the way you’re suggesting. Ya, I have taken a break from work. And I don’t know whether I want to come back unless I come back with something good. I have not wanted to do three songs and two scenes in a movie in a long time. I haven’t been a typical heroine for a long time in that sense. Now the bent is more towards my family, my kids. So for me to take time away from them and do a movie, I need to have something that I completely believe is worth it. Or else, I’d rather spend my time taking care of something that’s more important to me - my kids, my husband, my house. I have a life beyond the movies.

Q.So what are you looking for in a script? You’ve said you don’t want to do a dark film, you’re not interested in typical heroine roles or in art films…

Another thing I have huge issues with is what defines an art film. I believe Son Of Sardaar is an art film. It’s a commercial film that everyone enjoys. To me that’s art. If you say the paintings by famous painters is art, it’s art because many people like their paintings. So when you say art film, what do you mean? If just two people like them and no one else understands them, then it’s called an art film, that’s stupid. It has to be a good film. It has to be a great screenplay. I’m extra choosy. I know what a good book reads like. I feel a good script should be as good if not better than a good book. And if that’s not there then why should I do it? I am in a good financial space. I have everything that I want in life today. I’m in a position to choose. I’d rather do something good than something mediocre.

Q.You were supposed to do Rani Mukerji’s role in Bombay Talkies. Why did you turn it down?

Ya, Karan (Johar) had offered it to me. I didn’t want to do it. I wasn’t interested in going in that direction right now.

Q.So what are the kind of films you enjoy watching?

I love regular films. I loved Ironman 3. If I had chavanis or one rupee coins I’d have thrown it at the screen. I loved it so much. I clapped, I whistled, I enjoyed myself in the film. What a fab screenplay. What an actor Robert Downey Jr is. He was just superb.

Q.What are the kind of offers coming your way?

I’m reading a lot of scripts, talking to a lot of people. I’ll know what I want when I read it. I can’t say this genre or that genre. That would be limiting myself. I want something meaty. I want something fantastic to do.

Q.So you’re waiting for a perfect script…

I never said I was waiting for a perfect script, you said that. I said I was waiting for a perfect screenplay. I don’t want to do a mediocre film because I have too much to do in life.

Q.So were you hurt when you weren’t invited for the premiere of Jab Tak Hai Jaan ?

Hmmm. I guess somewhere down the line I expected that.

Q.How has your relationship changed with YRF after the recent controversy?

How has my relationship changed? I don’t know. I haven’t met them since Yashji’s (Chopra) demise. There’s a status quo.

Q.You think you were caught in the crossfire between your husband and Yash Raj Films?

No, I don’t think I was caught in the crossfire because I firmly believed that my husband was right. He was standing up for what was right and I will stand beside him. And it’s not a question of whether he’s right or not, he is right. And as far as anything else is concerned, you can consider it as a casualty of war. I guess they thought it was more important for them to make it a personal thing rather than what it was. It was a professional stand that we took against a practice. It was not meant to be a personal war against a man. It was against a practice and therefore it was against the corporation, or against the company. If they took it personally it’s their issue not mine.

Q.But it did strain relations, right? You’ve known Aditya Chopra for 20 years now.

Ya. It was just so petty. I don’t think it was the right thing to do. But again I’m saying it was not the right thing to do from my point of view. From his point of view, maybe he thought he was making the best decision he could. To each his own. It’s okay, it’s done with. Let’s move on.

Q.Okay let’s change the topic. What’s the biggest difficulty for a working mother?

The biggest difficulty for a working mother is how to handle the guilt. I don’t think you can ever get over the guilt of going to work and leaving your kids. Even though they are perfectly happy to see you go. And if for some reason, you drop them late to school or are not there for some function of theirs, the guilt is unimaginable. How to work around that guilt is the battle every day.

Q.How do you handle your guilt?

One day at a time. Really, you can’t beat yourself too much on that. You just have to forgive yourself and say it’s okay if I couldn’t wake up one morning. You can’t be an ace everywhere. So I will be an ace here and a ‘b’ over there.

Q.But you do have help…

No amount of help can assuage the guilt. I take almost every decision of their lives. I’m solely responsible for them. Because J is not here for 20 days of the month. So as far as their day-to-day activities are concerned from what time they wake up, to what food is given to them to what time they go to sleep is all dependent on me. So I’m the biggest villain in their lives right now.

Q.Does the thought ever cross your mind that they will one day grow up and won’t need you as much as they do now?

Of course. It doesn’t scare me. But it’s a thought for another time. I compartmentalise and put it away for now. I don’t know what I will do if I don’t have to go to sleep every night at 9.30 pm with my kids. Maybe, I will have other things to do at that point.

Q.You’re a strict mother, right?

Yes I am very strict. It’s important for the kids to know that there are boundaries drawn and they cannot cross them. It’s important for their mental stability, for peer pressure. It’s important for them to grow up straight and tall. It’s important for them to know that so far and no further. You have to keep talking to your kids and explaining to them why you’re doing this. And your boundaries have to be flexible. There are days when Nysa is exhausted and doesn’t want to do anything. And I let her be. So that day all rules are broken and she’s just chilling. But next day we go back to the rules.

Q.She’s scared of you, na?

(Laughs) She should be. I’m petrifying. I’m Darth Vader and Voldemort rolled into one. Actually, it’s a healthy fear. And it needs to be there till a certain age. There are certain things that I will not tolerate. I won’t tolerate her back answering. I won’t tolerate her raising her hand on someone. She’s also knows that if I have told her something then she must do it. It’s not a pee-in-the-pants kind of fear. That’s how she will learn about authority figures. There are so many things you have to teach them. It’s only after you become a parent can you understand that things that come naturally to you are the thing that your parents have taught you. You didn’t just grow up. You’re a normal, sociable and a good human being because your parents have taught you well.

Q.How have your mother and mother-in-law influenced your married life?

They haven’t interfered in my married life at all, thank God for that.

Q.Do you go to your mom with your marital problems?

Not really. I’m not that kind of a person. If I have an issue with someone, I become obsessive compulsive. I have to clear that issue then and there with that person. I will not leave it hanging. I will talk it out especially with people I love or respect. If you’re a stranger then it doesn’t matter. Both J and I are not the sort who will nurse grudges and bring them out like ammunition when the fight starts. We’re both the sort who will get the issue out in the open. (Chortles) Everyone runs for cover when J and I start fighting. Everyone is like let's get out of the room now.

Q.How do both the grannies influence the kids?

They influence the kids a lot. I live with my in-laws. I meet my mother every week. Either she comes to meet us or I take them to meet her. Nysa goes and stays with her in Lonavala. The time they spend with their grandparents is fabulous. When I have grandchildren I’ll also be like that. Chocolate khao, jo khana hai khao. Do what you want to do.

Q.So you would advocate a joint family to bring up kids.

Yes. I wouldn’t have been able to work if I didn’t have my mother-in-law and father- in-law. Just the fact we live together provides that ambience to the kids. These days when girls get married they’re petrified. The first thing they ask the guy is ‘are we going to live with your parents or in our own house’. Living with in-laws is considered such a taboo thing. I’ve lived with older people all my life. First it was my grandmother and then it was my great grandmother. And I cannot tell how much better a person I am because of that. They have their eccentricities but they are normal people. And they are so much fun. I had the maximum fun with my grandmother. My great grandmother was a blast. I loved her to death. I loved her more than I loved my mother at one point. Today my daughter loves her dadi and dadu, my son loves them. That bond is so strong. Nysa loves her nani. They love to discuss plants, they go to nurseries together. They go swimming together. Grandparents give grounding to the kids. I’ll advocate a joint family, for sure.