Gordon Brown: "There is a Traitor Amongst Us"

SOUTHWOLD - England - Comrade Brown has ordered the immediate arrest of the former Commissar of Foreign Soviet Affairs, David Miliband. He is to be charged with high treason for attempting to unseat our great unelected leader Comrade Brown and will be detained for 42 years before being eligible for parole.

Comrade Brown, who was at his modest dacha in Southwold tending his cabbages made a brief but strong message to all party workers and comrades via a televisual Soviet relay.

“Brothers and sisters of the great Soviet British State of Britain. It seems that a trusted member and former comrade of the peoples Bolshevik brigade has betrayed our great Soviet utopia. This person (spitting words out) is a coward and has attempted to meddle in the True Age of Change and my 10 year plan of mass collectivisation Soviet eco-growth. I reveal the name of this yellow traitor — David Miliband ex-Commissar for Foreign Soviet Affairs.” (Hushed whispers and gasps of surprise from assembled crowds of party workers and Stasi officials)

After a brief pause where Comrade Brown stares at the camera and brings down his fist with a loud clunk on the table he carries on with the speech.

“I have made arrangements for his immediate despatch to Gulag 4355 in Glasgow East, Sector 101. For the next 42 years he will be subjected to hard labour and daily re-education sessions courtesy of Comrade Balls. There will be no dissent and no one will get in the way of the New Age of Change. This is a warning to any other comrades within our ranks who think they know better than my clunking fist of total authority and control. Comrade Harman, you are being watched. You are all being watched for your own good and Soviet freedom.”

Pip Squeak

To assert Comrade Brown’s authority there was a parade of traitors at Trafalgar Red Square yesterday. The cowardly slime that is Miliband confessed his sins to all the assembled Soviet workers and party officials.

Speaking in a high-pitched whiny voice, ex-comrade Miliband uttered these words to the baying crowd: “I, David Miliband have betrayed our great leader Comrade Brown. I have betrayed our Soviet state and all it stands for. I am guilty of horrible cowardice and of consorting with other traitors to try and halt the New Era of Change. I confess that I even made attempts to paint a moustache above my top lip to try and look more manly and Soviet-like. I am guilty of many crimes against the Soviet state and I will be rightly punished for being the instrument of power-hungry Marxist lies and my disgusting opposition to the great Brown Vision of Change. ”

The jeers from the crowd could be heard for miles as the traitor Miliband was then taken by Stasi guards and driven to the eco-gulag where he will stay for the next 42 years.

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