Monthly Archives: February 2012

I had had the term “hypergamouse” (which is located in the frontal lobe next to the rationalization hamster) spinning in my head for awhile, as did a few Manosphere writers, but it never developed into anything more than a fun neologism. Until now.

I was at the gym tonight doing my squat reps when an old memory popped inexplicably into my head. I can’t place where I saw this quote but it was in the context of attraction advice for women on one of the more moderate game and red-pill relationship blogs one or two years ago. It went something like this:

“My recommendation for women today is to get on the squat rack and plump up that ass.”

I lol’d just recalling it. I believe the commenter in question was a man of color, and he was trying to say that either men of color would become prime catches in the next wave of the SMP, or that features typically seen as attractive to men of color would become more mainstream and attractive to white men.

Gratuitous videos:

I have to say that as a dude, squats are a great exercise aside from the risk to your knees. First, they work the biggest muscle combination in the body save for the technique-intensive power clean and so contribute greatly to your overall strength and tone. Secondly, I’ve been told big-muscle lifts boost your testosterone, but whether that’s true or not, I just have an enhanced feeling of “manliness” when finishing a cycle of squats. It usually lasts me about 24 hours, its effects including increased outcome independence, better executive function and sharpened libido. I also recall that after one pre-football summer hitting the squat rack hard, I stopped experiencing the overwhelming quadriceps soreness that I thought was the lot of every football player.

Billed as “human nature and sexual politics” (not unlike my tagline), The Rawness has long served as one of the more timeless installations of various brands of Manosphere wit and wisdom. I can’t recall I time I’ve clicked on a Rawness link from Ferdinand Bardamu’s Sunday links page and not come away more enlightened one way or another.

Rawness proprieter T (AKA Ricky Raw) had a great series called 31 Days of Game in which he chronicled a bevy of game tips over the course of May 2010. Not wanting to steal the man’s thunder, I’ll just list them here.

When initially establishing eye contact with other people, especially an attractive woman, always make them break eye contact first.

When doing prolonged, intense eye contact, even if you have done everything right and awakened sexual interest in the girl, after two such instances your stock will start to plummet each additional time you maintain eye contact without actually making a move.

Approach Groups of Women Alone

Don’t Get Tunnel Vision. Remember the Whole Group.

Always Aim to Talk Less Than Your Target.

Your Woman Can Never, Ever, Truly Be Your Best Friend or Closest Confidante.

On a primal level, a woman would rather share a high status man with others than have a beta or omega male all to herself.

Tell, Don’t Ask. [in terms of trying to get her to do something]

If the woman you desire offers you something, graciously accept it.

Aim for Charisma: Not Charm.

Do Not Talk Ex-Boyfriends.

Don’t Overcompensate and Become An Abusive Bully, Tyrant or a Robot.

You Already Have a Mother.

Avoid the Interest-Only Upgrade (I.O.U.) [dating a woman whose only attractive quality in your eyes is her sexual availability]

With women, there is almost no such thing as an accidental, meaningless touch. [That also goes for eye contact -Badger]

Women bond more intensely and passionately with a man who takes them on an emotional rollercoaster than a man who keeps them consistently happy.

Apologize for your actions, not your thoughts.

Don’t use self-deprecating humor except in rare occasions.

Talk To Your Fucking Friends [when out where the women are]

There’s a difference between sexual and horny. Learn it.

Never Cower.

Have Platonic, Attractive Female Friends.

No matter how comfortable you feel with someone or how convinced you are that you are in a place of emotional safety with a partner, always remember that first and foremost you’re expected to be a man.

Don’t Dance Ironically. (“…dancing is an advertisement of one’s comfort with their own sexual and sexual confidence, and nowadays the white males most cocky or confident enough about their sexuality to advertise it in such a flagrant and open way are gay men.”)

Everything Is A Test.

Front vs. Clout: You are what you chase, and you attract what you are.

Recognize and Avoid These Three Games: Rapo (a trap into rejection), Kick Me (passive aggressive baiting into victimhood), and Let’s You And Him Fight.

Everyone Plays Themselves Sometime

I’ll footnote to add this. To a beginner to social dynamics and inner game, this sounds like 31 different points of advice all over the place, which combine with dozens of other maxims to form a cacophany of seemingly-discordant lessons. After a while studying (and practicing), though, this stuff all becomes deductive, flowing lucidly from a few basic principles and a healthy dose of experience. It really does become congruent.

First, game/lifestyle blogger Chad Daring (singlewhitemale) has decided to reframe his blogging activity to his other great love, cooking. He’s launched Chef In Jeans and is planning a book on the topic. Well done.

Second, it was only a matter of time before the Ron Jeremy of food porn got involved. Dannyfrom504 will be guest posting, and has already contributed with “how to make a roux.” (In the spirit of Mardi Gras, I suppose he’ll soon be dubbed the Chef in Fishnets.)

Cooking is a good mark of a quality lifestyle and a key element of both single and married game, a combination of alpha performance and beta nourishment that can blow the panties off in one fell swoop really impress a woman.

1. Do lots of approaches. This one is really simple, but obviously not easy. There’s a point at which you have to stop talking yourself out of it and just go talk to women. Do a lot of approaches. In rapid succession. At every venue you go to. Consider the 100 Approach Challenge.

If you need motivation, consider that probably 80+% of men will almost never approach a woman they find interesting. There’s never been an easier way to stand out from the crowd. Women out in the world are just waiting for a confident, cool guy to talk them up. Be that guy. As Roosh puts it in Bang, “just say the words.”

2. Use some canned openers. Putting aside game haters who insist any routine is evidence of loserdom, there’s considerable debate among game practitioners about the wisdom of practiced versus spontaneous openers. If you find approaching to be difficult, you should absolutely use canned openers to take some of the edge off.

It’s like a football coach who pre-plans play calls for certain key situations – you can’t script the entire ballgame, but pre-committing your two-point plays or your third and short package removes one huge piece of decision-making anxiety from what promises to be an already-tense situation.

I generally advise against the classic Mystery-style openers that ask for opinions or tell a mini-story, as they require a large investment in the initial conversation on the woman’s part and are also difficult to execute properly. They are great if you want or need to put on a show from the start, but that’s just not my style and is high-risk for guys who aren’t natural performers.

My theory on openers is that they should open the conversation and that’s it. I like to think of it like dealing cards from a deck. Once they’ve been shuffled, the cards you will get from the dealer are determined. You just have to stay in long enough to see if you wind up with a good hand.

Likewise, I believe a woman has 90% decided whether she wants to talk to you or not before you open your mouth (humans have very quick and sensitive circuitry to make those decisions before our rational minds can catch up). All you’re doing with an opener is finding a less direct way to say “hi, do you want to talk to me?” The simpler the opener, the softer her rejection will need to be if she chooses to do so.

In his book Bang, Roosh discusses a handful of basic openers that together fit almost any situation. I have adopted one of them into my nightly repertoire and it has almost never failed me:

“You look like you’re having the most fun here.” (said sarcastically or earnestly depending on the situation)

I also like to give a value-free compliment about a woman’s attire: “That’s a very blue/green/yellow dress/coat/scarf you’re wearing.”

Roosh’s “elderly opener” is a good one to have, especially in low-key indirect environments – “Hey is that a good phone/computer/book?”

If she is buying a lot of booze or alcohol-related stuff, I will sometimes note that she must be getting ready for a hell of party (or having a bad day).

I have always been a good opener, but sometimes I lose my spontaneity in the moment and go back to a stock one-liner; other times I’m a bit tense and it calms me to go back to the well.

3. Imagine you’ve already been rejected. Another item I picked up (ha!) from Roosh is to imagine you’ve already been rejected as you are about to make the approach. It sounds counterintuitive, but if you strike this frame you really have nothing to lose.

4. Assume friendly reaction. If you’re in a large social situation like a bar or a mixer event, imagine yourself like a waiter, usher or museum guide. Act as if it’s your job to chat people up and cursorily ask how they are doing, and expect a positive response. People will pick up on it and play to your role; some will be polite but nothing more, at least one of them will catch fire. Now shirley, plenty of people are rude to waiters, but almost everybody thinks those people are in the wrong.

5. Have a response ready. A cordial rejection is due a pleasant “it was nice talking to you.” But in keeping with (4), you should be vaguely surprised and mildly insulted if someone turns down your approach with hostility. Deliver a plain but surprised look of contempt or dismissal. DON’T overdo this and get butthurt, this is just acting to imply your intrinsic high value. I like to widen my eyes as if to say “is this chick for real?” The idea is that you are marking her down for her poor decision, and then moving on without a second thought. Sometimes a deadpan line or two is called for. “Is she always like this?” is a classic PUA neg that can also be employed to frame a woman as rude to her friends.

My absolute favorite line if a woman is getting irascible is to deadpan “you must be a real hit at parties.”

6. Approach for its own sake. Do approaches with zero expectation of closing. This not only takes the pressure off, it opens your pool of practice opportunities to married women, grannies, chicks out with their boyfriends, types you don’t dig, all sorts of new situations you might not consider if you were only opening girls you were attracted to at the outset. Approaching = starting a conversation, not “hitting on” anybody.

7. Don’t apologize. In my day I’ve actually had a few sets where a woman asks rudely “why are you talking to me?” Never let anybody make you think you shouldn’t be talking to new people. Go back to (5) and frame them in the wrong – if they didn’t want to be talked to, they can stay home where nobody will bother them. Otherwise, you (a high-value and interesting man) are going to talk to people you find interesting.

The most supplicating thing you should ever say in an opener is “excuse me,” which everybody knows is not really meant in the literal anyway.

A while back on a particular lively thread at bbsezmore, commenter Uncalledfor mused on the very thin line between love and hate when it comes to women’s attraction to men:

Regardless of the numerical specifics, I think the point Roissy is making is that men need to inculcate habits to steer themselves away from beta-dom. Offering romantic gestures on a 1-for-1 basis may be safe, but it’s like walking the edge of the cliff: one step over the line, to where he’s being more affectionate than she is, will flip the “over-eager supplicator” switch in the mind of her opinion of him, and after that he’s utterly lost; catastrophic fail. Better to be safe and hang back with a palpable safety margin; that’s the essence of the Roissian advice, I think.

He then followed up later in discussion with:

You’ve put your finger squarely on the main point of contention here, I think. If we generalize “the two” to mean two courses a man can follow, either (1) palpably, manifestly withholding affection, or (2) giving in to neediness or or supplication; then I think it’s fair to say that the point being made by myself, OTC, Badger and to some extent Bb, is that there isn’t a huge difference between the two courses, as they are perceived by a typical woman. That’s the whole point of the “cliff” metaphor: the woman’s opinion/reaction changes drastically, from desire and contempt, based on what seems (to us) like a small range of change in a man’s behavior. We can go on disagreeing about it, but I hope this at least illuminates the contention.

His description of “the cliff” is expert. I just posted on how George McFly more or less instantly went from loser to hero in Lorraine’s eyes for knocking out Biff Tannen who was trying to rape Lorraine. On the flip side, most guys can recall experiences with women where she suddenly loses enthusiasm for him, stops answering his calls or texts or even shuts down emotionally in the middle of a date. Sometimes word gets back to you, and it blows your mind how petty and inconsequential the incident in question can be. It’s so often just one too many text messages or calling back a day too early, or being just slightly too eager to see her again (cf FFY on dating itself as a signal of irredeemable neediness), or remembering one too many of the myriad details she went on about when you met her (to the point I’ve taken to feigning ignorance to cover up my eidetic memory), or admiring and appreciating a particular woman’s special qualities too obviously.

And it’s always something different, it’s very difficult to calibrate to an individual woman’s code until you know her well, yet the opening phases are where it’s most critical to strike the right balance.

I don’t get the sense it works the same way in the other direction; if a guy is interested in a woman, she has to do something pretty dastardly or disgusting to flip his switch to “off.” That’s certainly been true in my life.

True to his form, the famous deti chimed in on the cliff on another post. Recall that this is a married, middle-aged man giving accurate testimony to the attitudes and experiences of young adults:

If all she wants is a nice guy with no medical issues, there are millions upon millions of those. But she doesn’t want those men.

We write about those nice guys all the time, the 80% of men who can’t even get a woman to share a Seven and Seven with them after work on a Tuesday night. These are men who are practically BEGGING to spend their cash and time with these women, who turn up their noses at them…the vibe I get from some of these threads is:

“We women want real men! We want confident alpha men who are good looking, in shape, confident with themselves, disease free, have decent jobs, make more $$ than we do, and are willing to take us out on proper dates and spend money on us! We want them to show social dominance, crack a joke at the right time, but we don’t want them to be total assholes! You have to strike the balance EXACTLY right EVERY time or we’re outta here!

“We want them to approach us, but only if we think they tingle our ginas! And we want them to be nice and kind and caring (but only to us) and spend money on us (but not too much or too often because that would mean he’s investing too much too soon and that’s such an icky turn off).

“But we don’t want you men talking about how you want relationships because that’s beta! We want you to be your own man until we decide we want you for ourselves! We want you to call or text us once or twice a week, but not three times a week. We want to see you a couple of times a week, but not every day, because that would be creepy! If I’m going out with you, you better not be seeing anyone else! And we don’t want sex until we decide the time is EXACTLY right for us. We want you to push for sex, but not too hard, because we want to make sure you are interested in us. We want to be the ones who decide when sex happens and where and how and it has to be exactly right and perfect!”

And from the men:

“We men just want to figure out what in the hell women want. We understand hypergamy and that women want men they can look up to in some way. So then I do that, and I still can’t get a date. I lose weight, they don’t want me. I spit some Game, still can’t get a date. I have a good job, still can’t get a second look. I look for “nice women” at my church; they are so ultrahypergamous even St. Peter wouldn’t be good enough for them.

“I grok No Sex Before Monogamy. I believe in it. So I offer relationship. I offer monogamy. She dumps me, saying “I’m just not feeling it” or “I just don’t wanna get serious”. So then I get some Game and I date a few girls and spin plates simultaneously, and some say I’m dogging girls out. I push another girl for sex and escalate, and she rebuffs me. So then I offer a relationship to a girl I really like, and she dumps me because I’m “going too fast”. So what am I doing wrong?”

That’s the mess we’re in. That’s the extreme frustration we’re dealing with. That the complete unreasonableness we’re in. And that’s the frame from which a lot of these comments come.

It’s become well understood in the circles I run in that social dominance – the tactical “owning” of a social situation, leadership of others, and demolition of social tests and challenges – is a key female attraction trigger. This is caricatured by some women who earnestly state “I want a man who won’t put up with my shit.” (It’s also the most accessible trigger for both young and less-than-intelligent men.)

It’s also understood, though more taboo to note, that a man’s ability to do physical violence has an influence on a significant portion of female attraction systems out there. This partially explains the preferred position of football, rugby and hockey players in the sexual hierarchy.

Now check this out, from the absolutely awesome film Back To The Future (that oddly and masterfully wedded science fiction with a nostalgic love story):

Not twenty minutes earlier in the film, Lorraine hits on Marty (who is, for those who haven’t seen the movie, her son) and tells him “George is kinda cute and all, but I think a man should be strong…someone who can stand up for himself and protect the woman he loves.” It really only took a single display of courage and violence in standing up to his longtime tormentor Biff – up to that moment he had been a neurotic, passive geek – to light Lorraine’s fire. Instead of falling for him out of sympathy from his falling out of a tree, she falls for the guy who knocked out the biggest bully in the school.

She responds immediately to his moment of alpha, and he responds in turn, becoming a confident, well-style success in contrast to his original lot as a white-collar peon and prisoner of suburbia.