Seven Stages of Returning From Vacation

Stage 1: Denial

Question.

Can I exercise regularly and eat whatever I want whenever I want without gaining weight?

Don’t answer that, just yet.

Questions.

Is it ok that my work pants either stuff me in like sausage or won’t button I have abandoned pants in favor of empire waisted dresses? Pants are not really an essential clothing category, right? They are just optional?

Don’t answer that, I don’t want to buy what you are selling.

Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that I were to go camping.

If, by chance, I went to the beach

and ran on the sand laid out for four hours (birthing two sweat babies at least) and watched Picasso fish while Picasso went back to camp and napped

and then I competitively swam sat in a chair under an umbrealla

and after such a long day of sporting debauchery came back to camp to prepare for a hike make beer-brats

and then made a healthy snack powdered pizza dough balls

followed by a game of tag roasting things on the fire…

Stage 2: Pain and Guilt

wouldn’t all of this out-dooring say to you that I live a very sporty lifestyle, and that camping is a great way to have fun and stay active?

Question.

Can you explain to me why a certain turkey-like jiggle has reattached itself to my neck?

Stage 3: Bargaining

If, for the next 28 days I work out eight hours ok 2 hours at least 30 minutes a day, can I make a dessert again if I promise and swear it is a Weight Watchers Recipe?

starting next week month?

Stage 4: Loneliness

Don’t answer that, just send help fast.

Stage 5-7: Working through it, Acceptance, Hope

Getting mentally ready to stay on plan and only eat fried oysters twice packing for a week-long beach vacation,