Epic Fail

Crappy movies will soon get ready to take cover, because the nominations for this year's RAZZIES are in! The Hollywood awards season is already in high gear, and despite a recent attempt by Ricky Gervais, no one manages to put the industry in its place quite like The Golden Raspberry Awards. The 31st annual event, traditionally held the night before the Academy Awards, has released its list of victims for the February 26 ceremony of celluloid ignominy. Don't think that big box-office numbers will save a film from the shame, leading the pack this year for Worst Picture, is none other than latest entry in the tween-tingling, supernatural romance-fest Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Joining it, will be director M. Night Shyamalan's already-legendary epic failure The Last Airbender, yawn-inducing Jennifer Aniston/Gerard Butler romcom The Bounty Hunter, likely franchise-killer Sex & the City 2, and an obligatory nod to the latest vapid "genre parody" movie in the Twilight-esque Vampires Suck!. So, with that set, let's take a look at the other nominees, while pointing and laughing.

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What you're about to see, is not some clever viral video with a tongue-in-cheek joke about Hollywood daring to make a sequel to James Cameron's Titanic. Nope, this is a real trailer for a real film, as the folks over at film studio The Asylum have dared to do the unthinkable. (See below.) Of course, these are the same folks responsible for a plethora of straight-to-DVD films that have become mainstays of SyFy movie night, which, to the point of glibness, rip-off known Hollywood blockbusters. Do films like: 2012: Doomsday, Alan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls, The Day The Earth Stopped, along with the films from the Transmorphers series ring a bell? Oh, and lest we forget, they also gave us gems like Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and Mega Piranha.

Imagine this whole post is written in Andy Rooney's whiney voice... I've never cared for pop music. Whether it's Color Me Badd, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, 'N Sync, Lady GaGa or the Bieber, it's all horrible ear-splitting dreck. And it's gotten even worse, as the one bit of talent that used to be required (a decent singing voice) is now rendered moot as producers can manipulate anything to sound... well... not good, but at least harmonious or wretchedly autotuned.

Which brings me to the subject of one of today's links: Ke$ha. Her first single is the misspelled version of the sound your clock makes and her second single is called Blah, Blah, Blah. Fitting for someone with a $ in their name. She's also the number #1 artist in something like 10 countries, but I guess bad taste is universal. Thankfully, the good people at CollegeHumor did a little community service and made a video that essentially rakes her over the coals. So check out the links below, and enjoy.

FilmDrunk doubles down on Paul Rudd, with details on the script he wrote that Judd Apatow is producing, and the awesome Tim & Eric video that goes inside Paul Rudd's computer.

Over the weekend, a rumor may have briefly come across your radar regarding a supposed new Star Wars Trilogy, which was to be presented in 3-D. (Whoaaa! Right?) As quickly as that rumor came, it was shot down by credible sources. All but the most gullible of fans did no less than take the rumor with a grain of salt, and by Monday, it was already a distant memory.

However, as if this rumor needed another nail in its already tightly-secured coffin, Lucasfilm's head of fan relations, Steve Sansweet fielded a question about the subject in a recent interview. Needless to say, he emphasized its false nature, before remarking:

"It wasn't a news item, it was something that somebody made up and put in the form of a blog. It's totally, totally ignorant and stupid." Further adding: "You shouldn't believe what you read on the Internet."

The aforementioned Star Wars Trilogy would have been a "sequel," depicting a time set after the events of Return of the Jedi and the fall of the mighty Galactic Empire (from a handful of Rebels and some rock-throwing Ewoks.) Some had already speculated that it would depict either various themes from the Expanded Universe comic titles or would have been a direct adaptation of Timothy Zahn's famous "Thrawn Trilogy" of novels. Who knows what it would have been?

Regardles, it now appears that it may be a day of mourning for the super-duper hardcore Expanded Universe fanboys that wanted to see Grand Admiral Thrawn team up with Mara Jade and Guri to overthrow the Clone Emperor in a power grab, while fending off the attacks from Quinlan Vos, Jacen Solo, and the Jedi Ghost of Ulic Qel Droma. (Or something like that.)

How do you feel about the idea of another Star Wars Trilogy? Could it be just what the doctor ordered to redeem the franchise? Or are you taking comfort in the fact that sleeping dogs will be left to lie.

Are there Zombies in Iowa?! On Sunday, a patron of Panchero's Restaurant in Iowa City apparently thought as much when he saw another patron. He was so sure about it, that he felt the need to take matters into his own hands and physically assault the individual right in the middle of restaurant, while yelling "zombie." (Yes, this is a REAL story.)

The impromptu vigilante, described as a "dark-complected white male with short brown hair, about 20 years old, between 6-feet and 6-feet-2 and weighing between 200 and 230 pounds" decided to stand up for the rights of the living, when the accused "zombie" had the audacity to walk into the restaurant, sit down, and order food! The vigilante then proceeded to punch the victim in the eye. After the accused undead patron attempted to call the police (or possibly the "Zombie Police?,") the vigilante proceeded to hit him again, this time breaking his nose. The vigilante (can we call him "The Zombie Whacker?" ) immediately slipped out of a back door and (as of now) is still at large.

The "zombie" was then taken to a local hospital (a "Zombie Hospital," I assume) for treatment and is fine. But really, what difference does it make? A zombie is already dead, so breaking his nose, if anything, would be doing him a favor.

I don't know about any of you, but it's about time somebody stood up to these zombies! Would you feel any sympathy for these flesh-eating bastards if it was your son or daughter who got bitten? We never should have bailed out the Umbrella Corporation! It did NOTHING for the Racoon City economy. (Which is failing due to minor things like complete and total obliteration.)

Earlier in the week, you may have heard the rumor of the supposed involvement of Robert De Niro and Jude Law for the upcoming feature film adaptation of Marvel’s Avengers-themed vehicle, Thor. It now appears that the rumor was WRONG. As of now, it appears that the rumor has been definitively shot down.

The rumor was initially started with an interview in Germany’s version of GQ Magazine, when actor, Matthias Schweighöfer was discussing his own desire to land a role in the aforementioned film. The discussion seemed to take a turn when Schweighöfer seemingly casually mentions that Robert De Niro and Jude Law was to be part of the cast. In fact, in the translation, the tidbit was mentioned in such a nonchalant way, it sort of begged the incredulity it received. (Including from myself.)

After representatives for both De Niro and Law have come out to shoot the rumor down, it seems now, that the rumor was stirred, not due to any purposeful deception, but rather, was the result of some bad translation. I suppose that’s what happens when the movie blogosphere has a severe shortage of German scholars.

This revelation definitely leans more towards the realm of reason. The fact remains that the Thor cast is FULL. If, in fact, they had brought those two stars on board, it would have been a sign that the film was in the middle of a major re-casting initiative. (While being a somewhat reasonable scenario, remains not very likely.)

Until then, our German brethren can only dream of a version of Thor catered to their sensibilities. One that, let’s say, is “looking for freedom?”

In a rather amusing story, the BBC recently spoke with Darth Vader actor, David Prowse, who discusses an incident in which he was recently left stranded on the UK's M1 highway in Northamptonshire. Who does he have to blame? Why, poetically enough, it may have been none other than R2-D2 himself! (Or at least the actor who played him.)

The East Midlands Regional Control Centre at Watford Gap had to dispatch a rescue vehicle for the Star Wars star, whose car had broken down on the notoriously dangerous highway. As Prowse recounts, the vehicle in question had been previously owned by the dwarfish actor who inhabited the R2-D2 can/costume, Kenny Baker:

"The car was previously owned by my good friend Kenny Baker who was R2D2," said Dave. He used to keep a little ladder inside the boot so he could climb up and put his suitcases inside. When he had finished, he'd put the ladder back and used a cord to shut the boot. I decided to leave the cord there as a reminder of the car's previous owner."

Sabotage, I say -- SABOTAGE!!!

Prowse, who was on his way to rehearsals and filming, was that weekend, to attend a meeting of the theUK garrison of the 501st, an organization of Star Wars cosplayers who primarily dress as Stormtroopers and march in parades. Ironically enough, the charity-driven group shares the number designation of Darth Vader's personal regiment of Clone Troopers from the films who carried out the purge of the Jedi Order. (A homage to the group of fans.) Vader's connection to the group's identity has designated Prowse their worldwide Commander in Chief. Prowse was left awkwardly stranded on the highway with a car full of Star Wars memorabilia that he was to bring to the meeting.

Despite the ordeal, Prowse did in fact, make it to that meeting, not disappointing his fans. However -- Note to self: Never buy a car from actors best known for playing iconic blue Astromech Droids in Star Wars films.

If you were one of the people who missed Saturday's SNL (a demographic that's growing more and more these days,) you may have missed the live unraveling of a memorable (possibly fatal) botch from new featured player, Jenny Slate. In an otherwise uneventful premiere of the venerable variety show, which featured Megan Fox as the host, Slate was in a sketch with veteran cast member, Kristin Wiig as a "biker chick" who was to say the word "frickin" in just about every line. The ill-fated catchphrase attempt would be misspoken as Slate would end up accidentally uttering the other F-word (NSFW) in which "frickin'" generally serves to replace.

This is hardly the first time that the "dreaded word" has made its way on the air during the course of SNL's 35 years (by both cast members and musical guests.) However, history has shown that punishment for the deed can often depend on the question of whether or not the cast member is expendable. Perhaps, the most infamous and frequently-cited example of a cast member having the book thrown at him, was the 1981 incident of the f-word during the "Goodnights" segment by ill-fated Weekend Update Anchor, the late Charles Rocket. (Although, most of the cast members, as well as exec-producer, Jean Doumanian were purged from the show after that disastrous season, leaving only Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo to remain.)

It's a clash of the titans today, as Game Politics discovered that Valve is suing Activision, with Activision threatening to countersue the Half-Life developer. Here's the thing: the lawsuit itself actually stems from a 2002 cybercafé licensing dispute between Valve and Sierra, a publisher Activision inherited as part of the Vivendi merger last year.

Thus, this dispute is now Activision's problem. Valve is suing Activision for allegedly refusing to honor an April 6 court decision that should have settled the issue.

Activision says the decision awarded Valve too much money -- we're talking $2,391,932 vs. $1,967,796 -- and decided to write Valve a check for the lesser amount. Clearly, Valve isn't happy with this outcome, nor is Activision excited about Valve's decision to take the situation to court, which may prompt them to countersue.

This all begs the question: when's the last time you played Counter-Stike in a cybercafé?!

Family-friendly Disney adventure flick, Race to Witch Mountain topped the box-office this past weekend with a $25 million domestic take, defeating the once sacred, Watchmen, who pulled in merely $18,070,000. That's right, it seems that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson "took that R-Rated fanboy fap-fest...turned it sideways...and stuck it straight up Dr. Manhattan's big, blue candy-ass!"

Despite it being only a week after its mega-hyped debut, Watchmen took a massive 67% dip from its initial domestic gross. However, Witch Mountain has nothing much to brag about, as this weekend, the box-office hit a 13-year low for this time of the year.

What message, then, should we take in from all of this? I won't go into the factors that contributed to Watchmen's underachievement. I'm sure there are plenty of other dead horses that need beating. However, it does make one wonder that if ultimately, it will be the fanboy element that takes the hit in this situation, after being so catered to in Zack Snyder's film.

A film studio executive might look at the figures for Watchmen and say: "You see?! I told you, fanboys! You can't make comic book movies that are too faithful to the original! Those movies need US to decide what fans need to see, because every time you get what you want, it always ends in lackluster box-office numbers." And to put other words in their mouths: "Fanboys suck!" and "I don't care what anybody says, Daredevil was the greatest movie ever made!"

Say what you will about The Dark Knight (the modern paradigm for good comic book films), it is by no means faithful to the Batman comic lore. Perhaps Watchmen fell under the "be careful what you wish for" category, and may very well be the last time we get a comic book film that is truly faithful to the source material.

Last week, some of you may have noticed something funky going on with the site... particularly on TheFeed. It turns out that there was a third party advertisement serving up malware to some users – redirecting their browsers to a site which indicated that they had a virus (then potentially dropping a trojan horse on their rigs). As soon as we discovered the malware, we jumped right on it. And thanks to tireless efforts of our faceless web development team (and some of Feed readers that pitched in), we’ve isolated the problem and everything is back to normal.

Oh, It's So Funny You Can't Do A Sit Up...Bet You Have A Gnarly GamerScore!

I wish we had a "You've Got To Be Kidding Me" tag here on TheFeed, but we don't, so here we go...

In an effort to promote the idea of getting into shape, popular retailer GameStop sent employees to work dressed up in fat suits today at two Los Angeles stores.

At this point, you're probably asking "WTF?" You may say "How would seeing someone in a fat suit make me want to play fitness games?"

Let's let GameStop answer your questions, shall we?

From the release:

"Reminding people to stick to their New Year's resolutions, today GameStop employees dressed in fat suits are encouraging shoppers at Los Angeles shopping centers not to follow their example and to instead try out active video games."

It's that time of the year again, when the crappiest films of the previous year get their props for the craptacular crapness of crap that they crapped on us. That's right, it's the 2008 Razzie Awards nominees!

Leading the pack of the ignominious awards with seven nominations, is Mike Myers' flop, The Love Guru. It seems that a gratuitous dose of Jessica Alba, shameless hype on American Idol (It worked for Jumper, didn't it? ...Wait.), and an Austin Powers-like satire style was not enough to save this one from mockery. (Not to be confused with the talented Whose Line is it Anyway? repertory player.)

Still, what would a discussion about the Razzies (or bad movies in general) be without mentioning the name of Uwe Boll? Well, no need for him to feel left out. Besides being nominated for Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor (Burt Reynolds from In the Name of the King), and Worst Supporting Actor for his own role in Postal, Boll will be "honored" with a Worst Career Achievement Award. Really, at this point they might as well just rename these awards, "the Uwies."

Thanks to a member of the internet forum NeoGaf, we have one of our favorite gaming fail stories EVAR. It all began when "HUELEN10's" neighbors decided to get a Wii for their family. Knowing their neighbor was a gamer, they asked for some recommendations on games they should purchase that the whole family could enjoy. Along with a few retail games, "HUELEN10" also recommended purchasing some Virtual Console games, as they had bought a Classic Controller to go with their new Wii.