The Lamborghini Diablo is one sexy beast, and may even act as an automotive aphrodisiac. While today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe contender isn't the real deal, neither is its price, but does that make it more of a roofie?

Pharmaceuticals may have been needed to generate much Beetlemania over yesterday's 2002 Turbo Bug - and yes, mea culpa, I got the horsepower wrong on the 02, as pointed out by many of you who apparently keep up on the vagaries of New Beetle model year differences. Thanks for all the help, ladies. When all was said and done, however, it didn't help the FMIC Beetle, who made a face and decided to go antiquing after suffering its 62% Crack Pipe loss.

Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe VW New Beetle Turbo may look like your standard flower…
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Today we're going to go to the other end of the dick-compensating scale, albeit for those of lessor means. This Fiero-based 1999 Lamborghini Diablo comes with a price that's two thirds that of the starting point for a real one these days - and a for a real Diablo, especially a bargain one, the obtainment price is only the tip of the iceberg, or in the case of a pre-Audi Lambo, the tip of Greenland. Canadian-built (NAERC- RIP) and currently residing in California, this Diablo doppelgänger looks a hell of a lot better than a lot of Fiero freakshows, and has a lot of real Lamborghini Diablo parts. . . like its Nissan 300ZX headlights. It's also targa-roofed, so those with hair plugs - I'm just sayin' - should be forewarned. The inside also thankfully does not have the ‘80s purgatory of angularity that was the Fiero's dash, but instead sports rolling curves and tiny gauges, as well as a milled gate shifter for the Muncie 4-speed gearbox. What the extra gate is for remains a mystery, however. Facing the controls are seats that again thankfully don't channel the ghosts of Fieros past, but look suspiciously like something out of Ron Jeremy's lanai. That being said, there's only a claimed 5,700 or so miles on the Lambo part of this car, and 58K on the Fiero that sits beneath it. Along with the miles, it sports a clear Cali title.

That subservient Fiero frame has been stretched to approximate the Diablo wheelbase, required in the real car to accommodate a longitudinally placed V12 of between 5.7 and 6.0-litres. Keeping the car from being fully Union-Pacific in length, the Diablo, like its Countach predecessor and Murcielago successor, puts the gearbox ahead of the monster muscle-maker. In this car there must be a whole lotta' room where the fires get stoked because underneath all the Lambo bramble still resides Chevy's 2.8-litre OHV V6 with 140-bhp. Like a rock indeed.

Oh, and the seller says it overheats.

The seller also says that the car could take a V8, and V8 Archie has made an art out of doing just that to regular Fieros so it wouldn't be a stretch to drop one in here, except for stretching your wallet. If you wanted to keep the wheezy Chevy back there, and just make everybody think you're rocking a real Lambo-like 500 ponies, this car comes with the ultimate in transvestite tuck-under - a fake Lambo V12 cap over the entire engine compartment, replete with plug wires and copyright-infringing embossment. I can't decide to applaud the ingenuity, or throw up in my mouth a little just at the thought.

In case you're wondering whether that Chevy's exhaust note will give away the car's secret identity like a circumcision spotted in the gym class locker room at Adolph Hitler High, the seller has a video in which he demonstrates the air suspension, how well the wiper will scratch the dry windscreen, and the fact that the little 2.8 isn't really gay for the high revs. Check it-

Yikes, I just noticed that one of the related videos is 13-year old flexing 2, as though something like that needs a sequel. Anyway, back to the Fierblo- as I noted, a cheap-ass real Diablo will set you back a lot more than the $39,500 this seller is asking for the Surimi version. For that price you'll probably fool 90% of the public, even if you pop the lid on the Chevy mill since it has a fake nose and glasses disguise of its own. And for what other reason would you buy a Diablo? Sure there's the Italian heritage, the mashed-in-the-seat go pedal action, and the likelihood of getting bar pickups to Tawny Kitaen its hood, all good things. With this phony baloney one you'd get. . . well, a possible one out of three ain't bad, is it?

Okay, so it's not real, and it's got some power and drivability issues, but geez, where else are you going to get a look like that for so cheap, I mean outside of an old Nissan 300ZX? So, what's it going to be, $39,500 for a fauxberghini? Or, a Crack Pipe loss for the seller and that 13 year old flexer?