What I Learned from Twitter Today: Penis Theft

Twitter’s all aflutter with news from Kinshasa in the Democratic Republic of Congo:

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

“I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” Oleko said.“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,” he said.

And there’s more from Benin, which, seeing as how it isn’t all that close to the Congo, lends a twisted bit of credence to all the evil thievery:

The authorities in Benin have ordered security forces to curb violence in the commercial capital, Cotonou, following the deaths of five people by vigilantes There have been reports of at least 10 such attacks since Saturday. Four of those who died were burned, another man was hacked to death. Correspondents say that mobs have attacked indivduals accused of using magic to steal men’s penises.

The belief that men’s private parts can mysteriously disappear through a handshake or an incantation is commonplace in Benin where superstition and illiteracy are rife.

If I had magic, that’s just what I’d do. Steal a penis, because, you know…well, I don’t see the need, but obviously these guys do. Forget world domination, harems of women, butt-loads of money. It’s all about the penis.