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‘I WOULD much rather have men ask why I have no statue than why I have one,” said Cato the Elder.

WHAT DID the 11-member jury in the Princess Diana inquest learn from their trip to Paris and visit to the Alma tunnel? They stayed inside for 15 minutes looking at the gouged-out notorious 13th pillar, which still has chunks of concrete missing and shows the steel rods underneath. That’s where Diana’s Mercedes hit!

They also walked farther up the tunnel and looked back to the entrance, seeing the famous “black spot” as the road curves into the tunnel. This may have contributed to chauffeur Henri Paul losing control of the limousine. He was going 65 mph, twice the speed limit, and he was drunk. But you knew that! And the British jurors knew that! So how much else was there to be learned?

Nothing – a total waste of time and money. But, hey, there’s always the celebrity factor. When the jury went back to the Ritz Hotel in the Place Vendome, they encountered Victoria Beckham fighting off paparazzi at the front door. The former Posh Spice was in Paris to be photographed for Elle magazine.

(Maybe there is something else to be learned from this seemingly fruitless Diana inquiry. At any rate, Dominick Dunne is there now covering it so he’ll get any gossip or juice that’s left.)

THE BOOK party of the fash ion and style year happens at Bergdorf Goodman on Thursday when none other than Ralph Lauren himself comes to celebrate publication of his magnificent new book. The massive work marks his 40th anniversary as a fashion and business phenomenon. This book is a coffee-table top in itself, crammed with the most glamorous photos of Ralph, wife Ricky, their glorious offspring, their beautiful houses, good-looking, astounding models. It’s a regular pageant of creative clothes across the years. I almost OD’d from one page to another. Ralph hits the high-water mark in all-American fashion. And then there, in his own words, is the amazing story of his rise. Ralph Lauren is a movie star without having ever made a movie! But he sure made a big book.

The other hot ticket is for the Rupert Murdoch and Roger Ailes party in the Temple of Dendur at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they celebrate the launch of the Fox Business Network. It reminds me of the song “They All Laughed,” in which Ira Gershwin’s lyric says, “Now they’re fighting to get in!” The Oct. 24 party will boast a special performance by Counting Crows.

You can see Murdoch, Ailes and some of their star team on the new cover of Fortune magazine.

I’VE SEEN only a scrap of Mike Nich ols‘ coming film “Charlie Wilson’s War,” but I can tell you already that it is one great-looking movie. Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts seem to be at their best, but the other positive thing I can say about this comer is you can actually understand what the actors are saying.

No mumbling and no din of incomprehensible chatter as people walk away or toward you. This one looks to have the masterful Nichols touch in a grown-up creation for adults. I can hardly wait to really see it.

HOLLYWOOD has already pronounced the Jodie Foster movie “The Brave One” to be a bomb. But try to see it if you can. Here’s a truly grand actress at the top of her game, showing how she feels in every frame as her character shudders between careless joy and bitter sorrow. She starts taking down bad guys in a festival of revenge that feels almost justified.

Audiences are desensitized by the violence of our time. They feel helpless to change wars, revolutions, terrorism, genocide. So they get a big boot, a regular emotional catharsis out of watching a star they respect deal out justice with her illegal handgun. And, oh how easy it is for her to buy it!

Jodie is abetted in this film by Terrence Howard, who is top of the list for leading-man status. Both are commanding on-screen. (I raved about this guy earlier last month in “The Hunting Party.”)

There may be a few implausible, all-too-perfect coincidences in this move’s plot, but it seems worth it in the end. It’s also a movie where you don’t go away asking yourself, “But what happened to the dog?”

SO IF Kirstie Alley – still looking great in the Jenny Craig spots – is going to star in an upcoming “Ugly Betty” episode, what will she do? Why, play a zaftig, tough-talking modeling agent who berates all the wafer-thin girls who are her clients.

Kirstie is trying to lure her “Look Who’s Talking” co-star and loyal friend John Travolta into also taking a cameo bit in the “Ugly Betty” episode.