Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA. You have a NUMBER OF INTERESTS, all of which THE AUDIENCE is already familiar with. You are looking a little less RESPLENDENT today than you normally do because the guy drawing you SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED WITHIN A FIVE HUNDRED FOOT RADIUS OF A TABLET.

>>365
You're not sure what to fill the buckets with, seeing as how you have no matesprit or kismesis, so you just fill them with some unbelievably shitty wands. You glub like a cuttlefish in approval of your masterful work.

>>380
You sit down on the floor and arrange the FANCY WIZARD STATUES in a group around you while you double-check to make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN that NOBODY is watching you. There's no way anyone could be watching you. That could not possibly happen and is silly to continue thinking about.

>>440>>437
You shove the bottle of toilet bowl cleaner down Karkat's throat. He ceases his tirade about how stupid you are and the accompanying laughing fits, preferring instead to make gagging noises. Disgusting, but he did indeed shut up. Which is a miracle in and of itself.

>>436
Vriska is apparently trying to get a hold of you. You don't notice because you're busy dealing with Karkat. She'll just have to deal ww the fact that you can't be guaranteed to be around the computer every second on the off chance that you get trolled. Who would expect you to do that, anyway?

AG: Hey!
AG: Asshole!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm waiting!
AG: Come on, fishface, I'm trolling you! The least you could do is answer!
AG: F8ck!!!!!!!!
AG: AAAAAAAANSWER MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
CA: jegus vvri you better wwatch it or youre gonna bust a vvein or somethin
AG: Finally!!!!!!!!
AG: Jegus, you are so hard to get in touch with today.
CA: wwell i had some shit i had to take care of okay
AG: You're saying you have irons in the fire?
CA: i guess you could say that
AG: Yeah right.
AG: Get real!
AG: No8ody has more irons in the fire than me!
AG: No8ody!
CA: none of the bodies
AG: Exactly!
CA: wwell kars over here bein a douche and i had to put him in his place
AG: Fuck, V8nt8s is over there?
CA: yeah i wwas surprised too
CA: i havve no glubbin idea howw he evven got ovver here i mean i livve on a fuckin island
AG: I know!
AG: Y8u live in a stupid ship on 8 stupid island in the stupid ocean surrounded 8y stupid waves and stupid sea monsters!
AG: It's so stupid!!!!!!!!
AG: You're stupid!!!!!!!!
CA: wwoww vvri youre bein kinda
CA: uh
CA: antagonistic today
AG: So wh8t if I am?
CA: wwell maybe it means youre
CA: wwait
CA: nevver mind
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, now I'll never know what stupid thing you were a8out to say next!
AG: Wh8t will I ever do?
CA: i dunno guess youll just havve to deal ww it
AG: Oh my g8d!
AG: "De8l with it?"
AG: You're saying "de8l with it" now????????
AG: You totally got that from me!
AG: That w8s my de8l, and you stole it!
CA: so wwhat if i did
CA: its just wwords anyone can use them
CA: not like you havve em trademarked or some shit like that
CA: its public domain
CA: and evven if it wwasnt im your superior i could steal em from you and there isnt evven a damn thing you could do about it
AG: Wh8tever.
CA: yeah
CA: the only thing you could do
CA: is deal ww it
AG: Oh my g8d, Ampora.
AG: You're so laaaaaaaame.
CA: evveryone else i know begs to differ
AG: Yeah, and who exactly is that?
CA: wwell
AG: Well?
CA: uh
AG: I'm waiting........
CA: equi seems to think im pretty cool
AG: Horseboy? He just thinks that because of your blood color!
AG: He'd even kiss Tavros's ass if he was a purple blood
CA: yeah wwell
AG: If you're so awesome, why don't you have a matesprit?
CA: uh
AG: Or for that matter, a kismesis?
AG: Huh?

>>608
CA: uh
CA: to be honest with you
CA: im a little curious as to wwhy you care
AG: Care?
AG: You think I care just because I'm asking about it?
CA: wwell
CA: yeah thats normally why people ask that sort of thing
AG: Pfffffffftttttttt.
CA: look vvri
CA: wwe had a great thing goin when we were all doin the wwhole flarpin deal
CA: so i wwas wwonderin
CA: uh
AG: What?
CA: nevver mind
CA: forget i said anything
AG: Oh, no, you're n8t pulling that this time, Am8ora.
AG: Spit it out.
CA: fine
CA: i wwas wonderin if maybe wwe could
CA: restart our rivvalry
CA: like without the flarpin
CA: and wwith a more
CA: uh
CA: romantic leanin
CA: havve you evver thought about that
CA: hello
CA: vvri
CA: you there

--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling grimAuxilatrix [GA]--
AG: Oh maaaaaaaan.
GA: Years Of Experience As Your Moirail Has Taught Me That You Saying Something Like That Is Rarely A Harbinger Of A Non-Dramatic Situation
AG: What's th8t supposed to mean?
GA: Nothing
GA: Please
GA: How Can I Help You Today Vriska
AG: I have a convers8ion with 8mpora going in an8ther window.
AG: Guess what he is asking me to do????????
GA: Well Considering It Is Eridan
GA: I Would Hazard A Guess That He Is Asking You To Be His Kismesis
AG: F8ck, Kanaya!
AG: H8w do you do that????????
GA: Well Considering That I Am Your Moirail I Should Hope That I Am Aware Of Your Other Romantic Possiblities At All Times For The Benefit Of Being Able To Help When Necessary
GA: Also He Talked To Me About This A While Back
AG: Oh.
AG: Well, wh8t do you think I should doooooooo?
GA: Do You Hate Him
AG: Yeah!
AG: But I hate everybody.
GA: I Suppose To Clarify I Mean Do You Hate Him In That Way
GA: In A Way That Would Facilitate A Caliginous Relationship
AG: I don't know!
AG: That's why I'm asking you!
GA: Asking Another To Clarify Your Own Emotions Does Not Seem Like A Very Useful Course Of Action
AG: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
AG: Here's the st8pid spider8itch who doesn't even know her own feelings, and has to ask her moirail a8out it!
AG: Doesn't even know what to say to a 8oy that hates her 8ecause she's too messed up in the head!
GA: Vriska I Did Not Say Any Of That
AG: Yeah, but you were thinking it!
AG: I kn8w th8t's wh8t every8ne thinks a8out me!
AG: Th8t I'm s8me cr8zy-8ss 8itch th8t throws pe8ple off cl8ffs 8ecause she d8esn't know how to h8ndle her 8wn 8m8t8ons!
AG: 8'm j8st g8ing to use this 8 ball to tell m8 wh8t to do!!!!!!!!
AG: I'll t8lk to you l8er, K8n8y8!
--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling grimAuxilatrix [GA]--

>>755
GA: Consulting An Eight Ball With Regards To Your Romantic Situation Is Likewise Unwise
GA: As I Am Sure You Know
GA: Yet Once Again You Find The Need To Revel In Self-Destruction For Little Observable Reason
GA: Tell Me Why This Is So
GA: Hello
GA: Vriska
GA: Are You There
GA: Please Answer Me

==>
--terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]--
TC: HeY mY mAiN fIsHyFaCe MaN.
TC: WhAt Be HaPpEnIn In YoUr WiCkEd ShIt, BrO?
CA: goddam it gam
CA: wwhat i need right noww is not you recommendin a bevverage or your wweird alternatin capital letters
TC: WhOoOoOoOaAaAaAh.
CA: ?
TC: WhEn yOu tYpE TwO VvS Or wWs tOgEtHeR LiKe tHaT It mAkEs fUcKiN WaVy lInEs!
TC: JuSt lIkE YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN SyMbOl bRo.
TC: :o) hOnK
CA: yeah yeah ivve been doin the double vv and ww thing since i wwas a swweep old
TC: WoW ReAlLy, DoG?
CA: yes
CA: wwe literally go ovver this evvery other time wwe talk, gam
CA: get ww the program
TC: Aw sHiT MaN ThAtS PrEtTy fUcKiN NeAt.
TC: HeRe lEt mE TrY It!
TC: WwWwWwWwWwVvVvVvVvV
TC: Aw sHiT My wAtErY BrOtHeR, iT DoNt fUcKiN WoRk wHeN I Do iT!
TC: YoU ArE ThE W AnD V MaStEr. It'S yOu.
CA: yeah i cant imagine wwhy it wwouldnt wwork wwhen you do it
TC: I'Ll tElL YoU WhY BrO.
CA: oh god
TC: FuCkIn mIrAcLeS Is wHy.
CA: gam miracles is not wwhat i need right now
TC: NaH, mAn, MiRaClEs iS ThE ThInG WhAt eVeRyOnE NeEdS AlL ThE TiMe.
TC: SpEaKiNg oF WhIcH, wHaT'S FuCkIn uP WiTh yOu?
TC: SoRrY FoR NoT AsKiNg wHaTs wRoNg wHeN YoUrE ObViOuSlY In a bAd mOoD.
TC: ThAt's sOmE BuLlShIt oN My pArT, dOg.
CA: wwell
CA: wwhats wwrong is i just asked vvri to be my kismesis and she fuckin laughed it off like it was nothin
CA: like i ain't wworth shit to her
CA: i ain't wworth shit to nobody
TC: NoW SeE RiGhT ThErE Is tHe sHiT ThAtS MoThErFuCkIn uNtRuE, dAwG.
TC: YoU GoTtA NoT Be lIsTeNiNg tO YoUrSeLf wHeN YoUrSeLf tElLs iTsElF ThAt tHe sHiT ThAt's sHiT Is iTsElF, yOu kNoW?
CA: wwoww
CA: i am literally in awwe of howw fuckin convvoluted you made that sentence
CA: great fuckin job there gam
TC: MoThErFuCkIn tHaNkS DoG.
TC: HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk :o)
CA: yeah
CA: this convversation is goin nowwhere
TC: ShIt bRo, I'm fUcKiN SoRrY AbOuT ThAt sHiT.
TC: JuSt wItH ThE DeAl tHaTs aLl gOiNg oN WiTh vRiSkA.
TC: YoU JuSt gOtTa sIt bAcK AnD LeT ShIt hApPeN.
TC: BeCaUsE YoU KnOw wHaT WiLl hApPeN?
CA: i bet i can guess
TC: ReAlLy, BrOtHeR?
CA: yeah
CA: i knoww exactly what youre about to say
TC: UuUuUhHhHh...
CA: yeah
CA: wwatch you provve me wrong this one time
CA: wwell
CA: come on and say it
--terminallyCapricious [TC] has spaced out.--
CA: wwell shit

>>814>>849
AG: I'm sorry, Eridan........
AG: That was really mean of me to do.
AG: I wouldn't w8nt someone 8lowing me off and 8locking me if I asked them to 8e my kismesis, so why should I do that to you?
AG: Sorry.
AG: ::::(
CA: wwoww
CA: youre actually fuckin apologizin for somethin for once
CA: i am rendered speechless by this
CA: wwe need to go check ww the producers table
CA: roger wwhen wwas the last time wwe had that happen on our showw
CA: really
CA: roger says the last time wwe had a spiderbitch apologize and act all fuckin nicey nicey wwas on novvember 17, 1973
AG: Oh my g8d, I try to be polite and apologize, and this is how I get treated????????
AG: F8ck you, Amp8ra!
CA: wwait
CA: im sorry vvri
CA: im being a total brinesucker here
CA: god no wwonder you turned me dowwn im a fuckin ass
AG: Eridan........
CA: wwhat are you gonna tell me its not true here i am wwarchest the size of a planet and I cant score me a kismesis or a matesprit
AG: Oh my g8d, you are pathetic.
CA: thanks
AG: I never actually said no, you know.
CA: wwhoa wwhoa wwhoa
CA: back up here
AG: Well, you're right, you are a total ass.
CA: yeah i am
CA: wwait hold that thought
CA: kar is in here screamin shit at me again
AG: Oh my g8d, 8mp8ora!!!!!!!!
AG: I'm a8out to 8nn8unce the tr8e f88lings in my s8nguine pump and you tell me to shut up for Kark8t????????
AG: Why d8n't y8u j8st 8sk h8m to 8e your fucking k8sm8s8s????????
CA: wwait vvri its not like that
AG: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CA: gulp

>>934>>980
Wooing any sort of eight-eyed thing seems like a terrible idea. You sort of subconsciously look at your legs. They're nice, and you're thankful for them, but you'd really have rather had your real legs back and functioning, if it was possible.

>>1699They are on the correct side? I didn't have enough pixels to detail the sevenfold eye, so I made its pupil smaller and lighter under the idea that the central pupil on it is smaller to accommodate the six omitted orbital pupils. I guess I should have figured that people would make the opposite interpretation.

>>1771
» Pssssssssst. 8rave leader.
» WHAT.
» It's 8een a long time since we've seen each other!
» NOT FUCKING LONG ENOUGH IF YOU ASK ME. I COULD HAVE GONE SWEEPS WITHOUT SEEING YOU. THEY WOULD BE INORDINATELY HAPPY SWEEPS FILLED WITH ME NOT HAVING CREEPY SPIDERY BITCHES SPEWING CRAZY OCTAGONAL SHIT AT ME. I WOULD GO PRANCING IN A FUCKING MEADOW EVERY GOGDAMN DAY IN SHEER JUBILATION OF HOW MUCH HAPPIER MY LIFE HAD BEEN.
» So much haaaaaaaate, Vantas! I like that. And you know that I do!
» OH MY GOG I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE CREEPING UP ON ME LIKE THAT. WHY ARE YOU CREEPING UP ON ME LIKE THAT.
» May8e I just want to experience some of this hate of yours for myself.
» VRISKA. WHAT THE FUCK. LET GO OF MY SHIRT. LET GO. LET GO RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
» :::;)
» LKSDJF;ALKDFJAS;DFJASLFLAGFKLGDBLKFDBKLJSDKL;

>>1748
--caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]--
CA: hey fef
CC: )(I -ERIDAN!
CC: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB.
CA: glub
CA: i wwas wwantin to tell you somethin
CC: O)(?
CA: i wwas wwantin to say
CA: that i dont knoww wwhats prettier today
CA: the wwater, the sky, or your eyes
CC: Awwww. -Eridan, t)(at's kind of sweet.
CA: your eyes are as pretty as the ocean and im lost at sea
CC: U)(...
CA: if you wwas a laser you wwould be set on "stunnin"
CC: -Eridan...
CA: i hope you knoww cpr because you take my fuckin breath awway
CC: 38|
CA: if you stood in front of a mirror and held up elevven roses
CA: you wwould see twwelvve of the most beautiful things in the wworld
CC: -ERIDAN.
CA: wwhat
CA: i wwas just wwantin to ask you
CA: if i told you that you had a hot body wwould you hold it against me
--cuttlefishCuller [CC] has blocked caligulasAquarium [CA]--

>>2088
--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]--
CG: HI, FEFERI.
CC: )(i, Karkat! 38)
CC: I certainly seem to be popular today!
CC: -EV-ERYON-E is trolling me right now.
CC: All the ones.
CC: All of t)(em.
CC: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB.
CG: YES GLUB GLUB GLUB.
CG: LISTEN IF I WWAS TO ASK YOU FOR A PICTURE TO SHOWW MY FRIENDS THAT ANGELS DO EXIST WWOULD YOU SEND ME ONE.
CC: ...
CC: 38|
CC: Nice try, -Eridan.
CG: WWHAT. I AM KARKAT. I AM THE ANGRY LAND DWWELLING ONE THAT HAS A SICKLE AND NUBBY HORNS AND YELLS A LOT. ERIDAN IS THE BADASS ONE WW THE SWWEET CAPE AND THE COOL GUN.
CC: T)(e W's, -Eridan. T)(e W's gave you away.
CG: OH
CG: WWELL FEF YOU GOTTA GIVVE ME SOMETHIN TO WWORK WWITH HERE
CG: DO YOU HAVE A GPS ON YOUR HUSKPAD BECAUSE I KEEP GETTIN LOST IN YOUR EYES
CC: Stop it, -Eridan. I am never ever ever going to say yes to you no matter )(ow many times you ask!
CC: Glub.
CG: WWHY DO YOU HAVVE TO SHUT ME DOWWN LIKE THAT
CC: W)(y do you still keep talking in all caps like Karkat even though you know I know you're not )(im?
CG: TO BE HONEST I DONT KNOW HOWW TO TURN THE CAPS OFF ON THIS THING
CG: I DONT THINK YOU EVVEN CAN TURN EM OFF
CC: 38/
CG: BUT ANYWWAY
CG: WWHY
CG: WWHY CANT YOU JUST GIVVE ME A CHANCE FEF
CG: IM FUCKIN BEGGIN YOU
CC: Because, stupid.
CC: I'M D---EAD!