Sunday, December 14, 2014

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you
call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough.
Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege
of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with
an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her
right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither
your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for
hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they
did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner,
communicating that ultimate human ecstasy: a sense of complete and utter
boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have
been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your
bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of
advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep
a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out
the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up
their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and
it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.