Random Interview Saturday! Erin Winters

DISCLAIMER

The H. L. Burke Random Interview is not like other interviews. The questions are all over the place. They have no purpose. Their purpose is their lack of purpose.

There are nine questions because cats, but these nine questions are subject to change without notice, so the questions one person answers may not be the questions answered by the next author.

A trumpet sounds, a coach and four zooms down the road. It's our next author, Erin Winters!

The Interview!

If you could design a holiday, what would it be?

Friend Celebration Day! And you write heartfelt notes to all your friends. I love writing notes, and I love receiving notes, so it's also sort of selfish and specific to my love language.

You win a vacation to a hotel with an amazing spa, free buffet, great view, and everything you could imagine for your perfect getaway … but the hotel is completely staffed by giant spiders. Do you accept?

Absolutely not. I'm happy without the free stuff, and I don't sign up for free trauma! I don't even watch scary movies and I certainly don't want to be the subject of one in the future. I'll wait for the hotel staffed by giant chipmunks or otters or something else fuzzy.

If you had a store, what would you sell?

A day with a porgue, from Star Wars. I would make BANK!

Write me some Vogon Poetry (for those not in the know, Vogon poetry is so awful you’ll want to rip your ears off and eat them. It’s considered a method of torture in many corners of the galaxy. So give us your worst).

There once was a Vogon poem

With lines you hoped rhymed below 'em

With no reason or meter, elephant, bologna,

It maid up words and than hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Theyre they lay, there poem abrupt, leaving it their for others.

Haiku.

If you had to get stuck inside a television show, what would it be?

Psych! Or White Collar. Or Castle...

Which bear is best? The black bear! Bears...beets...Battlestar Galactica. Darn, is that answer taken?

I wouldn't want to plagiarize, so I'll have to take the polar opposite answer.

During an alien invasion, what would be your weapon of choice?

Stronger, human-friendly aliens. Or maybe we leave our planet altogether and invade their planet and just swap. And we would all take so long trying to figure out each other's planets that eventually we come to an understanding and switch back.

If you could live inside a theme park ride, which would it be?

Avatar? I've not been, but I like the idea of living in a cool bioluminescent/glowy place. I could pretend I was living in Lothlorien. I would also be okay with living in the safari parts of the park, with the caveat that I be able to become the first real Dr. Doolittle and the animals all like me.

If this question were any question in the world, what question would you want it to be and how would you answer it?

Would you rather have gumdrops for feet or twizzlers for arms?

I used to work on a child and adolescent psychiatric unit and asked the kids this question all the time. Okay, so here's the thing. If you have gumdrops for feet, they will stick to things, leave sticky residue everywhere, and melt when you are trying to walk down the sidewalk. No good! But if you had twizzlers for arms, you wouldn't be able to hold a cup of hot chocolate, and if you held a puppy, it would eat your arms! Granted, they would grow back. Like a salamander. I forgot to tell you that part. Still, sounds very frustrating and not the most functional, unless I suppose you could stretch them sort of like Elastigirl from the Incredibles. One girl told me she would have those pull-apart twizzlers for arms, and pull them apart just at the ends so that she would have fingers. I thought it was brilliant.

Even so, my answer is gumdrops for feet. I would make customized shoes, and shape my feet to fit whatever shoes I wanted, and they would be special shoes that kept the temperature cool enough that they never melt.

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H. L. Burke around the Web

I grew up in rural Oregon on a childhood fueled by constant reading and access to trees, farm animals, and cats. Though I generally do well academically, I dislike the structure of school and dropped out of college after a little over a year to work first making coffee then later moving on to banking. Married fairly young to one of my best friends in high school who had grown up to be a handsome Marine, and have since been moving around from base to base with him.

I'm a self-published author of fantasy romance and YA fantasy books. I'm usually writing, editing, or rewriting at least two projects.

We are currently living in southern California with our two daughters, my cat, and a sneaky German Shepherd. I'm writing most of the time and playing with dragons when not writing.