Randy Quaid flees from autoerotic asphyxiation ninjas in Canada

Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi, are currently fugitives after missing a court date stemming from their burglary arrest last month for squatting in the guest house of a home they hadn’t owned since the 90s. They were released on bond in Vancouver when their Canadian lawyer presented the media with a hand-written note that said, “Yes we are requesting asylum from Hollywood ‘STAR WHACKERS.'”

And that’s when things start to get weird.

Those Quaid counts among his “murdered” friends include actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine. [as well as Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, Natasha Richardson, and other actors who have appeared in movies with Randy.]
Quaid and his wife said they felt they had been unfairly treated by the U.S. justice system and promised to appear at future hearings, if released.

“I would not do anything to besmirch my reputation any further than it has been,” the actor said. “I’m trying to do damage control.”
Evi Quaid insisted they would not flee, if released, and even offered to wear an ankle bracelet. She added: “I feel safe here.”

Vancouver police said they received a call for assistance Thursday in the city’s west side and while checking the identities of the pair — who turned out to be Quaid and his wife — authorities learned they were wanted on outstanding warrants.
The pair, who arrived in Canada on Oct. 17, said they crossed the border unaware that they had been charged and had a court date in California.
They said they came to Vancouver to relax and to talk to an agent about jump-starting Quaid’s acting career. [VancouverSun]

Which will of course be difficult, considering he and his wife’s scorched-Earth trail of batsh*t nuttiness that began back in 2008 on the set of the play Lone Star Love, when the cast hated them so much, they had him banned from the union and fined $80 grand. Some highlights from the next two years:

—-

Two months later, the Quaids had ignored four California court summonses — although Evi reportedly found time to send unsolicited nude pictures of herself to a Seattle newspaper with a note that read: “Here is my German stuff.” [the pictures were taken by Helmut Newton, but I like this much better if I read “German stuff” as a euphemism for genitalia. -Ed.]

After a fifth missed court date last December, the couple was arrested in Marfa, Texas, where they were apparently trying to open a museum in Quaid’s honor. [well sure.]

The Quaids posted $40,000 bail and made their next two Santa Barbara court appearances. Quaid showed up with his 1998 Golden Globe statue for Best Actor at one; Evi wore a “valid credit card” affixed to her head at another.

At a later court hearing, the Quaids appeared in matching pink handcuffs. Evi was given 240 hours of community service for defrauding an innkeeper. Charges against Randy were dropped.

The case was settled. Quaid was not — he went on a lawsuit rampage. Over the next few months, the actor filed multiple suits against his former bankers and money managers, claiming they conspired to steal his fortune, including the $600,000 he got for “Brokeback.”

It’s unclear how bad off financially the couple is, but on Sept. 19, they were discovered squatting in the guesthouse of a property on Santa Barbara that they used to own a decade ago. [NYPost]

Which brings us back to today, when things are so bad that Dog the Bounty Hunter has stepped in as the voice of reason (see video above), presumably between calling in laws the N-word.

“I hope Randy Quaid and his wife are watching right now,” said Chapman, a reality TV star and bounty hunter, while appearing on the Lopez Tonight.
“We’re announcing that he has a chance to call these authorities to turn himself in,” Chapman said. “At least do it for your wife and for how you were raised. If not, the Chapman family is coming after you.”
He said Quaid has been struggling lately and was not himself.
“We need to do, like, an intervention, Dog-style.” [VancouverSun]

Well you know what they say, it takes a batsh*t husband-and-wife team to catch a batsh*t husband-and-wife team. There is, however, one part of the story that is almost certainly true: whoever did David Carradine was definitely a star whacker.

Those Quaid counts among his “murdered” friends include actors Heath Ledger and David Carradine. [as well as Michael Jackson, Chris Penn, Natasha Richardson, and other actors who have appeared in movies with Randy.]

I would think appearing in a movie with Randy Quaid counted as career suicide, at least.

By: swizzle23

10.25.2010 @ 11:54 AM

Damndest thing…she falls in a well, eyes go crossed. She gets kicked by a mule, they go back to normal. I don’t know.

By: Danger Guerrero

10.25.2010 @ 11:59 AM

David Carrandine would still be alive today if he’d listened to Christine O’Donnell and stood on an anti-masturbation platform.

By: Danger Guerrero

10.25.2010 @ 12:00 PM

David Carradine, too.

By: Fek'lhr

10.25.2010 @ 12:00 PM

We need to do, like, an intervention, Dog-style.

That Sunday, he was quoted, “We need to go to church, like, Missionary-style.”

By: Ace Rimmer

10.25.2010 @ 12:01 PM

Cousin Eddie is full of shit.

By: Ace Rimmer

10.25.2010 @ 12:07 PM

Ok, so I nipped over to imdb to see what ol’ Randy has been up to lately, and his bio (seemingly from about 2006) is a thing of hyperbolic beauty:

Hollywood’s most extreme character star…. Randy Quaid has never been timelier. Randy, a man who took a bus to Hollywood with nothing but raw talent, is now a proven and current vast and varied star with that one other sustaining asset – he is a great and much admired actor on the world’s stage and television and feature film screens and an actor that has been recognized by Hollywood and the worlds finest directors.

By: Stinky Peet

10.25.2010 @ 12:07 PM

But somehow we can’t get Woody Harrelson on a small plane or a ski slope?

“I’m not saying he’s nuts, but when I read this I almost choked on my buck-knife & highlighter sandwich.”

-Gary J. Motherfucking Busey

By: Slaappy

10.25.2010 @ 12:12 PM

Back in the day a Star Whacker was an accidental jizz in the eye resulting in seeing stars…

By: Fek'lhr

10.25.2010 @ 12:15 PM

Randy Quaid was caught off guard by just what a “Dog-style intervention” entailed:

RQ: “Weeeee! Weeeee! Fuck, I mean…SHITTER’S FULL!”

Dog: “You better pray good!”

By: Fek'lhr

10.25.2010 @ 12:17 PM

“We need to go see the Browns game in a sauna, like, Cleveland Steamer style!”

By: Fek'lhr

10.25.2010 @ 12:23 PM

Dog: “We need to do, like, an intervention, Dog-style.”

Cousin Eddie: “Oh yeah, smart guy? Well a family that plays together stays together, right Rusty? Let’s go see what yer sister’s doin’!”

By: Ace Rimmer

10.25.2010 @ 12:24 PM

“We need to do, like, an intervention, Dog-style.”

As opposed to a Dog-style inception:

Dog is God from behind.

*BAAAAAAAAAARK*

By: essequemodeia

10.25.2010 @ 12:32 PM

The funniest thing of all is that a racist bounty hunter would think the Quaids would be watching George Lopez.

By: Ace Rimmer

10.25.2010 @ 12:34 PM

Which, incidentally, is a handy way to remember the difference between doggy and missionary.

Another thing of absolutely no consequence I learned from imdb a moment ago: Randy and Dennis have an even less successful third brother, who looks like he’s about ready to start rapin’ errybody out here. Maybe he’s the elusive star whacker?

By: Immortal 9

10.25.2010 @ 12:59 PM

Judge: Does the defendant have anything to say on his behalf?

Randy Quaid: Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?

By: LongLeggedMacDaddy

10.25.2010 @ 1:06 PM

‘although Evi reportedly found time to send unsolicited nude pictures of herself to a Seattle newspaper with a note that read: “Here is my German stuff.” [the pictures were taken by Helmut Newton, but I like this much better if I read “German stuff” as a euphemism for genitalia. -Ed.]’

DEIS IST MEINE VAHJ!

By: Ace Rimmer

10.25.2010 @ 1:18 PM

How fitting, Randy has a face made for German snuff.

By: Taco_Jones

10.25.2010 @ 1:41 PM

Re: Banner Pic

I thought he was Dennis Quaid’s older, fatter, uglier brother…not the Joker’s

By: JessicaD

10.25.2010 @ 2:05 PM

It was the aliens that have caused this. Cause they did things to him…sexually.