10/18/2010

The Vicious Cycle of Abuse

Abuse is a problem that sad to say most of us will experience at some point in our lives. I know that when you think of abuse the first thought that comes into your head is physical abuse; but the truth is that physical abuse is just a part of it. Most of us experience emotional and verbal abuse from those that are closest to us. This type of abuse causes depression, anxiety, low self esteem and much more. The wounds of emotional and verbal abuse can not be seen, but they are deeper and last longer than physical abuse. I training with a group called V.O.I.C.E.S. and until I have gone through my trainings did I find out that I was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse. It was a painful realization since I think of myself as a smart girl and how could I have not known what I was in during that time. The problem with abuse is that it can be so subtle and seem so normal that you think you are in a perfectly normal relationship. THERE IS THE PROBLEM! Since as children we have seen our family members argue and scream and say awful things to each other, we as grown ups believe it is completely normal to do that also. Well in reality your in an abusive relationship, where one person has the control and the other is suppressed.

Now I bet you are all wondering how was it that I was in abusive relationship and not know it. Well here it goes (This will therapeutic for me, since it is the first time I ever admit it to myself or even less all my readers). I was in a relationship about 4 years ago, and until recently I thought that what I went through was normal, but in reality it was emotional and verbal abuse. If your one of my closest friends you know how bad it got and I was still with him. Him and I would scream at each other for hours, he would make me feel like I was worth nothing, like if I was going to be no one without him. He would yell horrible things to me and I would do the same. He cheated on me several times and I found out, and I got back with his just to get revenge and make him feel as bad as I did. We had a few good times, but those times were few while the suffering was constant. The worst part of all of this was not that I was in this type of relationship, but that it took me three years to figure out I was in an abusive relationship. So I imagine if I didn't know that I was in a emotional and abusive relationship, how many people out there are in the same boat as me???

Anything from cursing, yelling, fighting, undermining the other person, grabbing hard while intoxicated or anything that another person can do to you that will make you feel less than you are is considered abuse. You don't have to be physically hit to be abuse, the hardest wounds to heal are those that are internally ingrained in your mind and heart. If you think that you are in an abusive relationship sometimes you may need help. I know that everyone thinks that leaving an abusive relationship is always the answer, but sometimes that answer is not the desired one or the best outcome. If the relationship is not a physically abusive one where your life is in danger or your children are suffering child abuse or neglect then there are options out there. I am now part of group that provides mediation for abuse within families, couples and friends. Sometimes one of the major problems with abuse is miscommunication, stress, depression, adolescent rebellion and much more. Many times when these problems can be solved, the abuse can be eliminated also, if both parties are willing to work together.

Please if you suffer from abuse or suspect that you do please try to get more information and take action. It may be a shove hear and there, a heated argument every now and then, but if you feel like you are being repressed and you are afraid to speak your mind due to the repercussion then please seek some sort of guidance. I hope none of you are passing through this, but if you know anyone that is please pass this information on. I know that none of us would like to see anyone we care about in emotional, verbal or physical harm. Abuse is not something anyone no matter race, sex, sexual orientation or religion should ever go through.

I want to take this opportunity and thank those that helped see the light when I was in the darkness. Those friends that guided me and had a shoulder to cry on when I needed it the most. It was because of there help that I was able to finally leave that abusive relationship and become a stronger person today. Abuse is not easy to leave due to insecurities, fear and low self worth; but with help from those we care about it can be an easier transition. I would like to thank Olga, Rodolfo, Alejandra, Arie, Sebastian, Jessica, David, Jorgiviriss and most importantly my family! I am blessed to have such great friends and family that I can count on....love you guys! O yeah and the whole PUMA crew..you guys are still family to me :D!!!

Here are a few places that can help if you are in the South Florida region: