Narcissistic Observations of the World that Revolves Around Me

In all the years that I have known you and worked with you, you have always been the quintessential keeper of secrets – a master spy if ever there was one…a veritable vault. And now it has been brought to my attention that you might perhaps, maybe, just possibly know the identity of my Secret Santa. Though I know you will be a hard nut to crack, I feel ready for the challenge.

My source (who is very sneaky indeed, but not quite sneaky enough) has also let slip several hints about the alleged Secret Santa’s purchasing history (I know that someone as super-sneaky as you would never be so reckless with such sensitive information!) But the hints are as follows:

A) the gift is wearable;

B) the gift is actually two of something;

C) the gift is neither gloves nor socks.

Although I am known to be a profoundly patient person *ahem*, I cannot help but ponder this great mystery.

I have a feeling that if I should guess correctly and my Secret Santa was made aware, however sneaky and secretive he (or SHE) may be, he (or SHE) might crack under the pressure and come clean.

So, although I have NO IDEA who that Secret Santa is, you do work in the same office, so I was thinking you might have connections. Therefore I am sending my list of guesses to you in the hopes that you can do me a solid and pass it on (secretly and sneakily, of course). My guesses are as follows:

Drea M.’s Top Ten Potential Secret Santa Gifts

False eyelashes [already own some, but can always use an extra pair]

Breast implants [don’t need these, thanks – trust me]

Moon boots [REALLY REALLY like these!]

Knee pads [might need these while using the moon boots]

Wrist casts [might need these after using the moon boots]

Nipple rings [I enjoy a good exotic piercing, but might be kinda weird to show off at the office party]

Please tell my Secret Santa that I shall have no problem at all in waiting until Christmas, but I would hate for him (or HER) to have to suffer beneath the burden of keeping such important information to him (or HER) self, so he (or SHE) should know that I would be willing to share the load.