Warning: The stunts in this movie were performed by professionals, so neither you nor your dumb buddies should attempt anything from this movie.

Any resemblance to real events, or to people, dead or living, is no coincidence. It is INTENTIONAL.

All characters and events in this show—even those based on real people—are entirely fictional. All celebrity voices are impersonated.....poorly. The following program contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone

Due to my strong personal convictions, I wish to stress that this film in no way endorses a belief in the occult.

The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event.

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

Some of the things they do would cause a person to get hurt, expelled, arrested, possibly deported. To put it another way: Don't try this at home.

Notice: Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.

Warning: If you are reading this, then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments?

My friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts of grave robbers from outer space?

Any resemblance between Hynkel the dictator and the Jewish barber is purely co-incidental.

Hello, I am Andy and I would like to thank you for coming to my movie. I wish it was better, you know, but it is so stupid. It is terrible. I do not even like it.

No similarity to actual persons, living, dead or reincarnated is intended or should be inferred.

Disclaimer: 1) a renunciation of any claim to or connection with; 2) disavowal; 3) a statement made to save one’s own ass.

Though it’ll go without saying ten minutes or so into these proceedings, View Askew would like to state that this film is – from start to finish – a work of comedic fantasy, not to be taken seriously.

It is the stated position of the United States Air Force that their safeguards would prevent the occurrence of such events as are depicted in this film. Furthermore, it should be noted that none of the characters portrayed in this film are meant to represent any real persons living or dead.

This production has not been approved, endorsed or authorized by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Any resemblance to actual events or locales is entirely coincidental. This program does not reflect the views or opinions of any actual person portrayed herein.…Anyway, IT’S JUST CLAY!

But according to repeated statements by both Soviet and American governments, nothing of what you are about to see... ever happened.

But pardon, and gentles all, the flat unraised spirits that have dared on this unworthy scaffold to bring forth so great an object:

All this happened, more or less. The war parts, anyway, are pretty much true. One guy I knew really was shot for taking a teapot that wasn't his. Another guy I knew really did threaten to have his personal enemies killed by hired gunmen after the war. And so on. I've changed all their names.

Warning: The Surgeon General cautions practicing Weird and Grotesque Amazon rituals may be hazardous to your health.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to actual robots would be really cool.

Any resemblance to persons living or dead should be plainly apparent to them and those who know them, especially if the author has been kind enough to have provided their real names and, in some cases, their phone numbers. All events described herein actually happened, though on occasion the author has taken certain, very small, liberties with chronology, because that is his right as an American.

Some parts of this game may be considered violent or cruel.

The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used are fictitious and any similarity to the names, characters, or history of any person is entirely accidental and unintentional.Signed RICHARD M. NIXON