Sunday Night Fever for England

If England don’t beat Wales next Sunday at least they’ll be able to kick ass on the dance floor at the after match dinner.

Forget ice baths, pulse monitoring and BMIs – the team are now going back to the future with a 70s style innovation. It was revealed over the weekend and is – “designed to help England’s rugby players gain a crucial edge: flashing disco lights.

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The unusual training method stemmed from a rash of missed try-scoring opportunities – which coaches put down to a lack of visual awareness – and the increased noise levels at Twickenham, which was at its most raucous in last week’s 13-10 victory over Ireland.”

I, for one, think this is brilliant – I haven’t been to a rave but I’ve seen them on you tube – the flashing lights and cacophony (it means fucking loud noise) are a bit of a distraction and will help no end in dealing with the noisy bastards at Twickenham – as will the persistent whistles that the ravers keep blowing – almost makes you wish for vuvuzelas! Mind you it might not be too smart to train the players to ignore whistles!

I imagine we’ll get our first sight of the effectiveness when the players treat us to a Travolta –esque walk through the car park before the game –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McTQHRioB5Y

Once faced with the Dragon, I can’t wait to see Billy ‘moon walk’ past George as he rushes in to clatter him or Big Ben smash through Toby whilst humming ‘You should be dancing’.

And the ‘Open Sesame’ track should blast from the speakers as Mike B skips past the first defenders.

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I’m taking the piss (obviously) and I don’t care what methods they use to try and come out on top next weekend. If that means a session at ‘Clown School’ or eating baked beans in a bath full of tripe for half the week – bring it on.

Beating the Welsh is paramount and we should seek every advantage – telling jokes or farting included.

I’ve played in the centre with Paddy and Laurie Cokell – both of whom constantly took the rise and it often worked. I remember Paddy shouting “oh no he isn’t” to one of their players with the ball when his mate had screamed “I’m behind you” wanting the pass. They dropped it but we sadly couldn’t capitalise because we were pissing ourselves too much.

Whoever wins next week will still be in line for the Championship and the players will, no doubt, leave the field harmonising to ‘Stayin’ Alive’

Their Bee Gees impressions will be improved if they have suffered in the mauls from any ‘bag snatching’ –as the Aussies so charmingly put it!