Needytoo, I am the one in my relationship that is rejecting the idea of living together and I think my BF is feeling much like you. For me it is not my mother but my 20 yr old depressed son that slows down my ability to think about this next step.I must say it is actually the hardest part of our relationship because I know whar my bf wants but I also Know that sometimes I have to do what I have to do for me and my son. For example last weekend was a holiday weekend, and BF was looking forward to going away( not that we'd discussed plans...) anyways it was also reading week for my sons and they were coming home from university for the week. So to make it work for both I ended up going away for the Sat with BF and then I picked up my sons on Sunday. I work hard to balance this ....it hurts to know he is sad when I leave but I have to look after the other part of my life too. I have had times when I have told him that we have to break up because I can't give him the time he wants, that he needs someone more available. He is still with me so you can see I haven't been very persuasive.Another point I should probably mention is that when he does take things more in stride ( eg no sad puppy eyes when I head off to go get my son) I feel actually happier and more connected with him.. When he pouts about my predicament it makes me feel he just doesn't get how hard this balancing act is for me.I bring this up so that hopefully you realize this probably isn't easy for your BF with his mother and all.

Klim I was like you in my relationship for a long time and it really was a struggle and a source of stress for me to feel like I was always letting someone down. Whether it’s kids, elderly parents or other family commitments I think it’s more common than not to feel conflicted at this stage in our lives when in a new relationship.

I'm debating ending things with my NG, taking a break, or is it just me? I like him a lot, but I feel like something is missing. We're seeing each other less when we should be seeing each other more. We normally see each other Tuesdays, so I'm almost hoping he doesn't call to get together tonight.

We saw each other and I didn't really have to say anything. He addressed what I was feeling somewhat while we were together. I must be easy to read. I think it's just perspective. He said he feels like we see each other a lot during our conversation. We see each other Tuesdays and Saturdays. I'm going to keep trying to include him and making myself available on other days and see if he makes an effort too. I do think it's partly me, feeling guarded. We'll see.

I do like him a lot. Actually the first time we hugged tonight I started to tear up at the idea of walking away, so I know that's not the answer.

Virgo -- so sorry to hear you are thinking of ending things. You know, it is interesting how we think so differently about what 'a lot of time together' means. For some, spending a lot of time means some portion of every weekend. For others, it's every day. It is good to know what works for us and to figure out how to translate that to our signif's ... not easy always.

I agree Arneal. I still wonder if it's me. It's hard for me to imagine giving myself completely to another man again, blending families. My LH and I were high school sweethearts and were together 22 years. He's the only man I've ever said I love you to.

Hello everyone, thought I would drop in and fill you in. So far things are going well, think I still need some more time to figure out this 4 year thing. You said it Tybec, does his promise mean living under the same roof?

Kilm I think when and if we live together will have to be when my boys move out. The thing is do I really want to stay in a 4 bedroom house alone? Seriously doubt it, I will go back to my pre-relationship plans and sell it and buy a small condo.

My heart goes out to you Virgo, I understand. I also thought of dumping new guy as well, but in my case it does feel good to be together but I still have that doubt or feeling that something is just not quite right.

Eight months ago I had my extreme doubts that I would ever find anyone again, guess I was wrong I did. As we all know life can be somewhat difficult (ha ha on that somewhat difficult comment), we are just maybe so much more aware.

Needytoo- I think until we're truly ready to be close with someone we will have some doubts. Maybe not with just them, but ourselves. I like how I feel with my guy too. I just need to stop over thinking and let things grow. I know I shouldn't compare, but it wasn't love at first sight with my LH. I had similar doubts with him. Love grows, at least it does for me.

Hey all -- needytoo, I have a two bedroom house and after LH died I thought I wanted to have someone here right away. It became very easy to not have any other two-legged individuals in here My cousin has a five bedroom house and after being widowed and having her adult daughter (who was there with her husband and baby daughter) move out is quite content. You never know.

Today is the day my husband passed and also the day my youngest son is finally grieving. Glad he is but hard to see. Broke down in tears in front of my class. All day NG said he was free all day, free until I called and then he was busy. Remember all those crazy widow feelings from the early days, they are back full forceTrying to keep all those crazy feelings in check.

Needytoo I'm sorry you're going through such an emotional day. Witnessing my kids grief has been the hardest part of this whole ugly journey. The thing that really tears at my heart is knowing that there is no longer another living person who cares as much about my kids as I do. My new husband is supportive but he doesn't know them and love them the way I do, how could he?

It sucks that NG wasn't there for you and I know it hurts. Sending you big widow hugs.

Oh, {{{hugs}}} Needy. It sounds like NG needs a talking-to. That, or (Lord help me) the angry side of me says to react similarly when he has a serious issue ... even if you are physically there, be distant. See how he likes it. That's horrid, isn't it?

Confession: I watch the cartoon 'Gumball' ... there was an episode once where the kids and the dad were playing tricks on each other and when the kids got the dad, he said 'It's only funny when it happens to someone else!' I think of that often in the context of how people react. They don't realize how they affect others, seeming to be shocked when those around them say that they are hurt or upset. When it happens to them, sometimes letting them feel it and then talking it out works.

Needytoo, I'm sorry your NG wasn't there for you. Sending you hugs. I try to see things from their perspective too. Maybe he was just trying to give you space.

New territory for me tonight. My NG said I love you, but then he started backpedaling after my initial reaction. It was a long pause, but I did say it back sort of quietly. Honestly, I was processing. He said it as I was leaving, so we texted a bit when I got home. Then he called me. He basically said he was trying to tell me how much he adored me and it came out wrong. I think my reaction scared him. Then later this evening I cried in the shower. Why? I've only said I love you to one other man, my LH. It wasn't a sad cry, but more like a realization or a release. Another small step forward...

Yes Virgo that statement, those 3 little words can have quite and impact.I'm glad you are viewing it as a step forward.Some say it so easily , it can mean, you make me happy or show appreciation or adoration. For others they reserve it for very poignant moments and say it very rarely.In my first post widow relationship I said it one night when i was happy and feeling very secure and his response was a very cautious warning that those were very powerful words and should be used very carefully. i was probably the one doing the back peddling then, saying i was just in a good mood and was enjoying being with him.That relationship developed and lasted almost 3 years and I was careful about using those words. He did end up saying he loved me and when he did, you knew he was sincere.Fast forward to the relationship I'm in now and new NG was flinging those words around way too early. I kept telling him , you can't say that you don't even know me.He said it just means that I enjoy you. I did not reciprocate with "i love you" I said I enjoy you too....and told him I couldn't say it until it meant more. he still says it alot more then me, I think just because I don't use the phrase casually.