The study, which included data from 448,568 people in 10 European countries, including the UK, found that the biggest consumers of processed meat were 44% more likely to die prematurely from any cause than those who ate little of it. High levels of consumption increased the risk of death from heart disease by 72% and cancer by 11%.

If everyone ate no more than 20g a day of processed meat – about one rasher of bacon, chipolata sausage or thin slice of ham – then 3% of all premature deaths could be avoided, according to an estimate by the authors, led by Professor Sabine Rohrmann from the University of Zurich. Their results are published in the journal BMC Medicine.

Obviously, this is the appropriate response to all of that…

Seriously, did we really need this study? Is there seriously anyone alive in the year 2013 who doesn’t understand the risks to eating a shitload of processed meats? If there are then it’s probably best those people die early anyway. Look, when it comes to food, it’s no secret that the best things in life are usually bad for you. Moderation is, of course, the key. So pass me that delicious bacon-wrapped hot dog, Paula. I’ll eat a salad for dinner tonight to balance it out.