My Tabs

Nov 16, 2014

Considering this god awfully long tag of mine wont be done before the end of this year, I might as well do the traditional year end recap post right now.. So. 2014. Wow holy fuck its almost over. When did THAT happen?! :/ This year was filled with all kinds of ups and downs, but like always, lots of learning happened.

You always have a choice, when you’re letting others make the call for you, you are CHOOSING to let them take control.

I have never really talked about this publicly before, because I want to avoid drama, but after 3+ years of working in the animal welfare community, it finally came to a point where I threw my hands up in the air and said fuck this shit. This community is filled with the craziest, bitchiest… plain weirdest people I have ever known, and what bugged me the most was their refusal to listen to someone younger than them (read, me). Inflated egos, disorganization and politics - its all there. Like any other non profit sector I suppose, but this was just… unreal. I kept trying to not let it affect me, but full disclosure, it did. Badly. I do not like being hated for no reason (its not even the jealous-hate or the hate-your-guts-hate… its the I-truly-think-you-are-evil-hate!). My personal life which includes my friends, my guy.. is NOT available for flippant discussion. It made me irritable, upset and always so anxious. I don’t like feeling that way, because I LOVE being happy and witty, spread joy and confetti all around… I’m that kind of a sing and dance person. So in totality, life sucked.

So I quit. And just to be clear, I quit the community, not my work. How can I ever abandon the responsibility of helping an animal in need? If I have motherly feelings for anything, its the fur babies.. and quite obviously, I can get fiercely protective about all of them. :)

Growing apart is sometimes a natural course of growing up. Accept it and move on.

This epiphany happened this year. Something I had felt bitterly upset about for years now - growing distance between me and close friends / family, I have known for more than a couple of decades. I kept trying to find… reasons, why it happened or why it was happening, until randomly one July day I realized that there is no reason. We all just grew up, and we are all very different people. I am glad that despite people drifting away, I still have some besties who have stepped in to fill the shoes… and life is okay. Nothing major broke, everything works fine, distance grew but bonds haven’t been completely severed… they are just there. Keep calm and move on.

Every once in a while, get away from everyone. Switch off the internet, TV, phone. Disappear. Feels fucking brilliant.

I did this for two months earlier in the year, albeit for a study break (I did not do very well lol turns out I am… less smart than what I used to be with Math :P ). I ACTUALLY went off Facebook, people emailed to ask me WTF happened? Awww. :) Two whole months, it was awesome. I came back with the hugely appreciated ‘Minions, I am back. :D’ status and life got back to crazy haha.

Even the most confident people have their moments of weaknesses. Sometimes you need your friends to be strong on your behalf.

When I made the decision to quit, I was suddenly engulfed with this feeling of not knowing what to do next. I doubted EVERYTHING about myself, simply because I had been in the company of people who constantly put me down for so long. I have NEVER doubted myself - I was always confident in my abilities, and I knew exactly the kind of things I was good at, the kind of things I was okay at and the things I absolutely sucked at. It was always very clear. I had my life planned out, because I am that person who makes lists and thinks of 5 years into the future… and then suddenly one fine day, I woke up and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Cardiac-arrest scary.

What do I do next? I wallow in self pity for a long time before Best Friend #1 calls me out on my irritated-ness and general bitchy attitude and we end up having a heart to heart where we practically break down all the problems to find solutions. Then Best Friend #2 tells me about how she believes in me, and how she tackled things when she was going through something similar. Then Best Friend #3 who didn’t really have much advice to offer, simply sent me a stream of jokes and made references to our situational jokes to lift spirits. And so on. I feel like the luckiest idiot in the world to have these people care for me so much. I love you all itna saara. <3 p="">

Take a leap of faith. Life will work out, and even if it takes longer for it to work out, its OKAY. Its a new experience.

I had to redo resume for the first time in YEARS, and then I took up the next first fancy job I got offered. Haven’t sold my soul to the corporates back, still in the NGO sector, still changing and saving the world yo! :D I feel lucky to be around people that really do want to save the world. :)

Do activities with your friends. Drinking yourself to a stupor does not count as a group activity. :P

I did beginners French with the guy and friends. We had SUCH A GREAT TIME. :D Also, makes for some pretty great FB updates lol.

Age is just a number. Or so I will have myself believe, okay?

I am not ready to consider that I am closer to 30 than to 23 (hitherto known as the heyday year). :/ On the bright side there is no one who has met me and guessed me to be above 25, which is both a blessing and curse, because on one hand, yay you think I look like a fresher, how cute, and on the other hand, aye! take me seriously, technically I am your boss! :P

Make time for doing what you like in life, and happiness will follow.

Truly the biggest lesson of em’ all. Every time I have made time to do something that made me feel good, I have slept better, felt better, behaved better… just generally being a ray of sunshine for everyone around me. Such a happy thing to be no?

TV shows with the best soundtracks, are my absolute bane. Wait, make that TV shows in general.

I am such a TV show whore, its not even funny! …. :/ I am OBSESSED, someone needs to compel me to forget how to erm.. get these shows in the first place. (TVD reference haha, and no you may not judge me for watching this inane show, because Ian Somerhalder okay?). This may also be the reason why I do not read, write, have much of a life outside of my TV and my HDDs anymore. Ugh.

Much love,

Annie.

P.S.: There were obviously a lot more learnings, but in the interest of time, reader sanity and dying laptop battery… :D