In the puzzling-yet-strangely-compelling category, Brian Charles Mackinson coins a threat that sounds like a poorly translated subtitle from a grade-Z martial-arts movie: "My karate will disintegrate your genitals." C.F. Harkins imagines a hero's last words to his nemesis as these: "I'm canceling your elocutionist's appointment." Matthew Durand's protagonist is slightly more straightforward: "Your ass is about to get its own ass handed to it." And Steven Hutchins goes meta (and just plain weird) with "Dénouement-ized, man-kisser!"

Joe Martin of Roseburg, Ore., cuts to the chase with "Less talk, more dying," and Mike Spradlin Jr. takes the prize for pithiness with the sprightly "Toodles!" (I particularly like imagining that one in the voice of Steven Seagal.)

Wacky. If I'd known about this contest, maybe I could've entered something like, "I've been killing punks your age since I was your age." Or maybe not.