Many areas of the UK are most familiar to foreigners thanks to their depiction in various fantasy novels and TV series. This map labels some of these, as well as including many silly names that simply sound like real British towns to an American ear. A protractor is shown off the coast of the Mull of Kintyre in reference to the "Mull of Kintyre test" - according to urban legend, the angle of the Mull defines the maximum allowed erectness for a man on films and home video releases in the UK.

Randall previously posted a map of the UK on his blog as part of the promotion for his book What If?. This map is from a very similar position and appears to have been traced from the same source, although there are some slight differences. Both maps include a sketch of Lake Windermere with boats on it, and both have the locations of London, Oxford and Cambridge labeled (the blog map also shows Edinburgh and Bristol - in this comic, these are labelled Eavestroughs and Minas Tirith). Both also contain references to Stonehenge and Watership Down.

Note that in British English, the correct spelling of “labeled” is ‘labelled’.

The title text plays around with the concept of the compass directions and how numerous regions (such as South "Sussex" and West "Wessex") incorporate such literal names in their description. Randall is creating similar sounding names which are nonsense-ish ("Norsussex" would be the region of the Northern-Southern Saxons), and placing them in relation to each other in ways which would be geographically implausible, similar to this old joke about Boston. However, in Germany there exists the region called Westphalia (Westfalen), and the eastern part of it is often referred to as East-Westphalia (Ostwestfalen), which sounds somewhat ridiculous. Part of the joke in the title text could be the fact that while three of the locations are fictional, Middlesex does actually exist.

Label on the map

Explanation

Actual location

Notes

Helcaraxë

The "Grinding Ice", an area of Middle-Earth. Like Helcaraxë, northern Scotland is cold, mountainous and in many areas inhospitable.

Loch Lomond is the largest lake in Great Britain, and the third largest lake in the UK. It is the subject of a well-known traditional song, and was referenced in the "beaming" (teleporter) bit in the movie Spaceballs by the Scotty expy 'Snotty'. It also houses a distillery producing a whisky appreciated by Captain Haddock in The Adventures of Tintin. Thanks to the monster, Loch Ness is by far the most famous Scottish loch, so naming the second most famous subverts expectations.

Fjordham

Fjords are glacial valleys. "-ham" is a common English placename suffix from Old English, related to the modern hamlet. There are several villages in England named Fordham.

The real Braintree is much further south, near where "Paulblart" is on the map. Also a possible reference to the Braintree online payments platform (widely advertised on podcasts), or a stop at the end of the Red Line in Boston.

Hillfolk is an RPG. "-hill" (referring to, well, a hill) is common in British placenames, and "-folk" (referring to a tribe or culture) is seen in Suffolk and Norfolk. Possibly also a reference to Hobbits, a race of little people that live under hills in The Lord of the Rings.

Dublin is the only non-UK settlement in the map, and one of two on the island of Ireland.

Borough-upon-Mappe

By being recorded here, this is literally a borough upon a map. The "-upon-" is a common element of placenames for towns on rivers, although there's no River Mappe. Possibly referencing the fact that the town is on a "mappe" (map)?

"Fhqwhgads" is a joke from the Homestar Runner internet cartoon. In the cartoon, the main character read a fanmail that was signed only with a random keyboard mash of characters, which Strong Bad shortened to "Fhqwhgads," a name that became a running gag on the cartoon.

Cadbury actually built a town for its workers... but it's called Bournville. There are several towns called Cadbury in the UK (where the Cadbury family presumably got its name), but none are near here.

Tolkien drew inspiration for the Shire from the West Midlands, although Tolkien was from the southern part of the Midlands (roughly where Dampshire is on the map).

An internet posting titled "A Letter to the U.S" after the 2016 Presidential Election", falsely attributed to John Cleese, could also have been inspiration for this map. It in particular says: "3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire."

There are several Brandons in the UK, the nearest being where "Keebler" is on the map. The area shown is borderline-uninhabitable, as it is marshland and lies mostly below sea-level. Only a few farms and isolated hamlets exist here.

Hamwich

A ham sandwich. Both "-ham" and "-wich" are common generic placenames. The village called simply "Ham" and the other called "Sandwich" are fairly close to each other, with a famous roadsign that points to "Ham Sandwich" between them.

Possibly named for the town of King's Lynn, also located in East Anglia but close to its north coast.

Aberforth

Aberforth Dumbledore is Albus Dumbledore's brother in the Harry Potter series. The name is sometimes translated as "from the river", but without any etymological references. "Aber" is Welsh for a "river mouth" or estuary, and is widespread in Wales, and occasionally found due to Celtic influence in other parts of the UK (such as Aberdeen).

Aberporth ("Mouth [of the] port" - the Welsh equivalent of the the English name Portsmouth) is a real town located a little further southwest along the Welsh coast. Forth may be a reference to the Firth of Forth in Scotland, where "Firth" means estuary or fjord, and "Forth" is thought to mean "the open air". Aberforth would literally mean "the mouth of the river Forth", which is the location of Edinburgh in Scotland. Alternatively, "forth" in Welsh could be a soft mutated form of the Welsh name "Borth" (the name of a town - but not a river - a little further north along the coast), which is itself a soft mutated form of the word "porth" meaning port.

South Norwessex

Another mash-up of Sussex ("South Saxons") with the obsolete Wessex ("West Saxons") and never extant Norsex ("North Saxons"). Also southwest of West Norsussex.

By virtue of being the capital and largest city, as well as a famous world city, London is one of the few cities in Britain that anyone, no matter how ignorant of British geography, can manage to name correctly.

London

GMT

A reference to Greenwich Mean Time. Shown on the map near the London bourough of Greenwich through which the GMT meridian passes.

Clifton Village, in Bristol, is built on the side of the Avon Gorge so could be compared to Minas Tirith. Nearby Cheddar Gorge is famous for its steep cliffs that resemble the landscape from Lord of the Rings.

Hogsmeade

Hogsmeade is the nearest village to Hogwarts in the Harry Potter books.

Cam Newton is quarterback for the Carolina Panthers. "Cam-" is common for placenames on any of the several British rivers called "Cam", while "Newton" means "new town". Also possibly a pun on Camden Town, a touristic district in North London, although not its actual location on the map.

Playing on common place name elements, "oughghough" has no clear pronunciation under the rules of English. It could be "Uff-guff", "Oo-gow", "Uh-guh" or any combination of these sounds. The name looks similar to the real Loughborough ("Luff-bruh")

A confusion with Southampton which is nearby the location shown. The use of the postfix "frampton" is a reference to the "Frampton" elsewhere on the map, just as Southampton is distinguished from Northampton.

[A black-and-white map of Great Britain. The detail on the map is minimal, showing mainly the outlines of the land, upward-pointing angles representing mountains, and points representing cities. The only other features are a small drawing of a protractor south of one peninsula, and a lake with two small sailboats on the west side of the largest landmass. The caption in the upper-right states in large letters "A BRITISH MAP," then in smaller letters underneath, "LABELED BY AN AMERICAN." Most of the map's area is covered by labels for various features, which are listed below.]

Discussion

Might be a bit of a stretch, but Cardigan could also be a reference to Ceredigion, the Welsh county. --172.68.10.34 16:14, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Ceredigion and Cardigan are the same word - Cardigan is just the Anglicised spelling. That's why it was formerly called Cardiganshire. The town is still called Cardigan, which is mentioned in the table. Schroduck (talk) 08:34, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Minas Tirith could be a reference to the gorges in North Somerset. It's slap-bang on Cheddar Gorge and Clifton Village (cliff-town) in Bristol is built on the side of the Avon Gorge. Camarones (talk) 12:54, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

The actual location for Braintree should be Essex not North Yorkshire.
141.101.98.171 15:22, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

When I first saw that, I was wondering how likely a Neopets reference was. Seeing that it's a real thing, and the creators of Neopets are from the UK, things make a lot more sense now. 108.162.210.196 14:43, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Could Highland be a reference to Highlander? 173.245.52.84 15:27, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

OK, I know you removed the </nowiki> that ruined the italics there, Davidy. Don't lie to me, you troll. Jacky720 (talk) 19:04, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

Whoops, was removing autogenerated nowiki text from another user, missed the first tag. Also, that edit was completely unnecessary. 21:29, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

No it wasn't, see that "Please sign your comments" below? Leaving the <nowiki> made the italics become quotemarks, and if there hadn't been a </nowiki> at the end of it, it would ruin the rest too. But thanks for apologizing, just try to be more careful. Jacky720 (talk) 20:08, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Blick could be referring to Wick , at the top of Scotland Please sign your comments with ~~~~

Waterdown: Near [the actual] Grimsby Interestingly enough, in southern Ontario, Canada, there's a Waterdown not far from a Grimsby. Waterdown is considered part of Hamilton, and is towards its northwestern edge, while Grimsby is to Hamilton's east. --VonAether (talk) 17:01, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

"Lakebottom" is equated with Lake Windermere (probably correct, largest lake in the Lake District) and the table states that many waterspeed records were set there. Arguably it is Coniston Water (same area, third largest "Lake" in the region) that is more (in) famous for speed records... Not that Randall references speed at all. 141.101.98.159 21:31, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

I agree with this, Windermere was home to only one (successful) water speed record attempt. Coniston is more popular for them as it doesn't have as many islands, so you can get a longer run in. Also, whichever one it is, it is drawn roughly east-west, whereas both Coniston and Windermere run north-south.

For me, the lake with the two boats is an obvious reference to the children's book 'Swallows and Amazons'. See wikipedia -- so these are neither speedboats nor yachts but rather sailing dinghies. There is however a discrepancy: they had a gaff rig, but it looks like Randall gave them a Bermuda rig.

Helcaraxë and Blick seem to share a single dot. Maybe Randall forgot to put a dot there, or there's some other reason? --108.162.216.112 22:58, 14 November 2016 (UTC)

Helcaraxë and Highlands are areas, not towns, so don't get dots. 198.41.239.32 07:18, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

since Randal Munroe wrote the comic, and he is an american, the map WAS labeled by an americanJessep13 (talk) 00:08, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

‘Seasedge’ and ‘Eyemouth’ look like they should be Seahouses and Lynemouth. So far as I can tell, Seasedge is marked as a little north of Seahouses, roughly west of Lindisfarne (which suggests Haggerston; regardless, north Northumberland coast), and Eyemouth is marked approximately where Ashington should be; ‘Hairskull’ appears to be where Durham should be. 141.101.98.160 02:33, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

"BBC Channel 4" might also be a reference to Torchwood and other BBC Shows that were filmed in Wales (though did not necessarily air on Channel 4) Bpendragon (talk) 03:04, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

In fact, "Channel 4" is a channel not related to the BBC, so the reference to "BBC Channel 4" would be a mash-up between "Channel 4" and "BBC4" Gearóid (talk) 07:30, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

"Wessex", although "obsolete" as a place name, is still in common use as a descriptive term. For example, there is both a Wessex Police Force and a Wessex Water supply company. Gearóid (talk) 08:30, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

I know the "Fhqwhgads" reference from the Ikea-ripoff video game Home Improvisation - always thought it was a pun in that game on Ikea's Swedish product names. Is the Homestar Runner reference older? 141.101.98.162 09:05, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

I always thought it originated in Homestar Runner as a randomly typed name of an email sender. It's from Strong Bad Email #9 dated January 14, 2002, far predating Home Improvisation from 2015. 108.162.221.243 14:35, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

"Aidenn" is an alternate form of "Eden." It's best known for Poe's using it in "The Raven." If the actual location is Merseyside, it could be a wordplay suggesting divine mercy. Gmcgath (talk) 11:25, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

The “hey then” explanation for “Aidenn” is so tortured as to be implausible. It should be changed per the above comment. 172.68.55.81 13:19, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

And the reference in this piece to the incorrectness of "Devonshire" is completely wrong. Although the official name of the county is now "Devon", the form "Devonshire" has a pedigree going back over 1000 years and is still used in formations such as the Duke of Devonshire, HMS Devonshire, the Devonshire Regiment etc. The same goes for Dorset/Dorsetshire. Mikej (talk) 13:09, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

The title text may be derivitive of an old joke around Randall's home town, where Boston has neighborhoods with geographically illogical names: The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End.
This is not to be confused with South Boston, which lies directly east from the South End.
North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End. BackBay was filled in years ago

Also, from the counties surrounding Boston: Norfolk is mostly south of Suffolk, except for a small gerrymandered piece that is in the middle between Suffolk and Middlesex.

Bottoms

"Bottoms" are not confined to Northern England. We have many bottoms here in Kent, which is not Northern. (See Lock's Bottom and Pratt's Bottom.) Also, "bottom" may refer to somewhere that is lower than somewhere else, but not necessarily in a valley as such. Also also, snurk. --141.101.98.143 12:45, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

"Bottoms" is not confined to Europe either, so don't feel special - we land-dwellers in North America use it too, usually to mean 'Low-lying alluvial land adjacent to a river' as defined in the dictionary! In more general terms, this would refer to land subject to frequent flooding, commonly called a floodplain. If you have a bottoms that never floods, you really should consider renaming it. --Ianrbibtitlht (talk) 04:15, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

And "-folk" is not common in place names. It exists in Suffolk and Norfolk but two (among thousands) can't be called common. --141.101.98.143 12:53, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Crewneck could also refer to actual crewneck sweaters, popularised by The Beatles in the 60's. The Beatles came from Liverpool... 108.162.246.41 (talk) (please sign your comments with ~~~~)

Blighton would be pronounced the same as the surname of Enid Blyton (1897-1968), a famous author of childrens' books known for their resolute white middle class-ness. But she is associated with southern England; she lived in Beaconsfield, west of London. 172.68.55.82 16:22, 24 November 2016 (UTC)

While I found this comic funny, what I found most humorous was the reactions to it. Facts: Randall drew a map of Britain, he said it was labeled by an American, and it included both real and made-up place names. Unfortunately, it seems that those commenting here and generating this article interpreted it as an American-bashing opportunity. I interpreted it as this: to the average American, Britain has a LOT of funny names for places and struggles with using appropriate directional prefixes. It's extremely funny how so many of you chose to see it in the least funny way possible, likely because you can only see it through your own eyes! --Ianrbibtitlht (talk) 05:14, 6 June 2017 (UTC)

Why does it list "North Sea" as "no joke" when on the map it's written "Norther Sea"? There must be some explanation for writing it this way. Is it actually pronounced that way in England or something? It's sometimes called "Northern Sea" (or am I thinking of the one near Alaska? Maybe that's the joke?). Bu never "Norther Sea". Unless it's meant to sound like "Northersea", like "Battersea"? 172.68.54.34 02:53, 18 January 2018 (UTC)

In what world is "paisley," a real place, a pun on "parsley?" Did someone just go through the list and think "hmm, these sound kinda like this word/phrase," regardless of all reason? 172.69.62.226 00:59, 8 October 2018 (UTC)