Sadly, no one from Deadspin's masthead will physically be traveling down to Miami this year to …
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Dogs, as you know, do smell fear. Here's a text message from one of our operatives soon after he landed in Dallas:

I have a feeling this year will see so many more YouTube videos, cellphone pics, and on-the-scene text-message recaps being funneled to so many more outlets — some of whom might be interested in throwing money at Super Bowl party crashers like this young man, who calls himself "J":

I took a video of big Ben partying last night in downtown fort worth. Would you be interested in it?

J

Of course, we'd be interested. But he wanted to put a price on it. This is tough to monetize without any visual evidence (he also said he was attempting to upload his cellphone Big Ben vid to YouTube but apologized because it's taking very long to process) so I couldn't give him one right away. But there is a price for it, maybe, I don't know. Remember, we've only actually paid for three items in the scuzz-money marketplace. One. Two. Three. Oh, and I guess we paid that young fella $1.38 for the photo of Jay Mariotti at the Super Bowl last year. So, fine, four.

Even though I thought our Bounty Hunt post was pretty obviously tongue-in-cheek, some people did…
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Anyway, below is this year's tentative price guide to Super Bowl bounty. One omission from last year's list is "dong." Yes, we've all had our share of dong this year. We're all donged out. So the only "dong" we will pay for this year is one that is waggled in front of John Clayton's ponytail, which is always the purple unicorn we all so desperately want to believe is real. For now, here's a working list for those of you not already deputized in North Dallas this week and the financial reward you could receive from us if you produce the visual evidence: