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Truck Stops Part 2: Fine Dining

Every truck stop has a “secret menu” of foods that you have to ask for. My favorite? “The Safe-to-eat Fish”.

If a truck stop has a huge sign that is at least a hundred feet above the ground, it is probably a clean and well-run establishment. This is moot, however, because, once you get onto the access road, you’ll never ever find it.

As far as the food is concerned, the safest thing to ask for in a truck stop is the check.

Eating at a truck stop need not be unhealthy. Order the “heart-smart” egg-white omelet. Maybe some beluga caviar on the side for dipping… and some unicorn jerky for the road.

You can often get a ride from a trucker who is going the same direction you are. Often they just want company or conversation or that thrill they get when the kill yet another hitchhiker….

Truck stops tend to have more grease in their coffee than on their eggs. If you want low cholesterol, just order whatever you like but don’t eat it.

Just in case you are in dire need of a post card with a bikini-clad woman on it and a pun either about her breasts or her buttocks, they usually sell them at the cash register.

Your eating utensils have seen things that they cannot unsee. They’ve been places that your worst nightmares and Rob Zombie can only hint at. Enjoy your pancakes!

Despite her use of the words “sugar” and “honey”, your waitress only thinks of you as a tip with feet…

Sometimes a spirited arm-wrestling match breaks out in the dining area, leading to a spirited argument about who cheated… often leading to guns being pulled out. If you were planning on leaving without paying, this is the time: Wait ‘til the shooting starts, head for the door and, for God’s sake, KEEP LOW…

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16 thoughts on “Truck Stops Part 2: Fine Dining”

There are so many truck stops and roadside restaurants in the United States. Here in Sweden there is quite a distance between the roadside restaurants, and some special truck stops are not here, but many restaurants have large parking spaces for trucks.