September 18, 2016

How to Have It All - Start Saying No

I still get this question ALL of the time (and even more lately after I made the announcement that we're expecting baby #3 early next year! Yeah, if you missed it, WE'RE EXPECTING BABY #3 IN FEBRUARY)!!!!

Most people think I'm either a) crazy, or b) "goals," both of which I think are way off! What I am, though, is someone who knows what I want and someone who's life has taught her that not one day we have here is promised. Not. A. One. So I live my life in a very particular way, careful not to waste a moment on anything that is not necessary. Those of you who have taken my E-course know pretty much all I have to say about all of it - but for those of you who haven't been able to join yet, I'm talking a little about it tonight!

The first thing is - you make time for what you want. It might seem like I want a little much - a husband and children and a demanding and rewarding job and nice nails most days of the week... I know I'm asking for a lot, and there are plenty of times I don't have them all figured out at the same time, but at the end of the day I know I deserve it and I know I can have it. It also means, though, that I'm really good at saying no. Because to make time for the things that truly matter to me, I can't have anything unnecessary on my plate. And I think this is where a lot of people have a hard time - figuring out what is worth their time and what isn't. You'll get there eventually; one way to get there a little faster is to actually test the waters - say no. See what happens. Another great way is to find a mentor who can help guide you as to what time commitments actually made a difference in their careers or personal lives (a quick tip on finding a good mentor? Don't ask them, "will you be my mentor," just ask them the actual question you have and let that open up discussion, and when you have another question, ask them - now you have a mentor)! Getting good at saying no (or cutting out things you're already involved in but just aren't meant for you) is one of the most undervalued skills in actually getting what you want and living a satisfied life.

Saying no can be scary; there are so many what ifs and unknowns that we could just never predict, but some of the most successful people are where they are because they didn't let what ifs stop them. We have no idea what our lives could become if we just stopped living in fear and started going after what we wanted, cutting away safety nets that are really just holding us back. These could either be relationships that aren't right for us, a job that isn't what you want, anything!

Another critical factor in maintaining your sanity and being happy with your life (and not adding any more to your plate) is to stop the comparison game! It happens all of the time - from premeds reading forums where others talk about all of their "accomplishments" and so they feel the need to run and overcommit to another 4 time-sucking extracurriculars, to scrolling through Instagram and seeing someone with a new (insert your choice here - handbag, haircut, car, puppy, baby, house, whatever)! Comparison really is the thief of joy, so to learn how to be happy with what we have, and continue refining what it is we actually want and where we should be focusing our time is so important to being happy!

I hope you guys liked this tiny bit of "wisdom" and feel a little bit more empowered to start cutting out the nonessential things in your life so you can have more of what you actually want. I guess I just wanted to touch on it because I really don't think we're taught how to say no well. I highly recommend the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown. It's one of my favorites that I've gone back to time and time again and that offers some great tips and wisdom. And a shameless plug for my E-course, which will actually stay open for one more week, that talks about all of this in depth and offers a three step proven way to say no without actually shutting doors for yourself in the future!

16 comments:

Excellent post! Its so important for women to see other women who have a great career and a beautiful family at home. I think "goals" is a great way to sum that up! I also second saying no - rationing time is the only way to survive! And congrats on baby #3!

I just finished Essentialism! LOVED it. It's so hard to say no, especially when you don't know when opportunities will come up again (or the dreaded FOMO) but I've come to see that it's vital if you want to get the best in life for you. Congrats on baby #3!

CONGRATS!!! I always enjoy reading your lifestyle and encouraging posts. I have struggled so much with saying no to people due to guilt and comparing everything in my life based on what I see. The change that happened when I decided to stop that was unreal! Like I quote I posted on my instagram, "stop comparing someone's social media life to your real life" just rings so true. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and CONGRATS!!

I loved this so much!! Thank you honestly I feel like your tips are getting me through a lot right now! If you don't mind me asking, how was it balancing relationships and your studies while in college both prior to med-school and during it? I feel like I can't do that or it would be more of a distraction any opinions or advice would be much appreciated, you truly do inspire me

Awesome post and you are carrying your baby quite nicely in the scrub. My cousin who is going to join as an intern with a reputed doctor asked me to help her out in shopping for scrubs clothing as she has no clue how to choose them.

I love getting your comments, they make my day! If you have a specific question you want answered, please send me a message by clicking the Contact tab at the top, or even better, contact me on twitter or facebook and I'll get back to you ASAP! Thank you so much for reading!

Hi! I'm Laura!

Here you'll find bits of the beautiful things in my life - my little family and our home, the clothes I wear and food I eat, things I make, tips from before and during my medical school at Harvard and now some of residency in Dermatology at the University of Miami. I hope you can find some inspiration and take note of all of the beautiful things in your life too!

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