Welcome to my world and beyond...

A collection of snippets of the books I write and, occasionally, my life and the things that inspire my writing...

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Weekend Writing Warriors January 24, 2016

Hello
all. Welcome back to another week of sharing your writing with other writers. If you were/are in the path of Jonas (the winter storm) I hope you're warm and safe. Please be careful cleaning up the mess it left behind. Weekend Writing
Warriors is a weekly bloghop. Each week, participants sign up HEREat wewriwa.com, then post 8 to 10 sentences of
their work, published or unpublished, on their own blog to go live between noon, Saturday,
and 9:00 AM Sunday EST. Then we visit each other and read, comment,
critique, encourage--all those things that do a solitary writer's heart
good.
Snippet Sunday group from facebook--not us, but many of our participants
do both, can be found HERE

I'm
excerpting from my 2014 Nano WIP, Scifi/Dystopian. Working title: Dai
Klavven. Last week, after an explosion and a wall collapsed on her
comrades, the MC is the last survivor in her group. She lobs a grenade at the advancing enemy (aliens), then runs. The last line was:
She stumbled, but found her balance and kept running. "

We pick up from there:

Moving at a good clip, she jumped over and around shattered
remains, vestiges of buildings, trees, humans. Even with her focus on evade and
escape, the carnage registered in freeze-frames—what the end of the world must
look like.

A glance over her shoulder was motivation to give it her all. They’d
taken the bait and were running after her. They should have sounded like a stampeding herd of wildebeests,
but their pursuit was nearly silent. Her quick estimate was that at least a dozen of the ruthless killers were on her heels and they were gaining.

As she ran, her words came out in nearly soundless prayer. "Please dear God, let the rest of the aliens be dead, not behind me searching through
the rubble for survivors, or for hidden bunkers full of kids."

That's it. Thank you for reading
it. I learn from your
feedback--and I'm so grateful for any insight you share.

I was hoping to read a continuation from last week and I am definitely not disappointed! And I am still at the edge of my seat wanting more. Agree with the others. Great snippet! (Is it next Sunday yet?) Looking forward to your summer release. :-)

A very tense scene, loved the way the enemy are so silent and also the way she's perceiving events as if in freeze frames. Question: by "missing warriors" are you referring to aliens that were there before and now aren't? I was a tiny bit confused. But I want more of this story!

I think you can tighten the writing here a lot, Teresa. I've given suggestions so you can see what I mean:

"She jumped over shattered remains of buildings, trees, humans. Even with her focus on evade and escape, the carnage registered in freeze-frames—a real life end of the world.

A glance over her shoulder gave her the motivation to give it her all. They’d taken the bait and charged after her. They should have sounded like a stampeding herd of wildebeests, but their pursuit was nearly silent. At least a dozen of the ruthless killers hounded her heels and gained.

"Please dear God, let the rest of them be dead, not searching through the rubble for survivors, or the hidden bunkers full of kids." Her words came out in nearly soundless prayer.