THE KRAKEN FRUITEXOTIC TROPICAL FROOTHIEby Malen Diviti

Welcome Readers! Today we will explore the Kraken fruit, one of the most mysterious and little known foods on Blissdaine Naive. This exotic, and elusive fruit is widely hunted and for good reason. The flavor is provocative, slightly musky, with a hint a cardamom-ish spiciness, the meat is juicy, of medium density, sometimes rubbery if harvested too early. The skin is splotchy, but thin and full of flavor. It is known to grow wild in certain areas of the Evshlohogi Islands, usually in difficult to reach, high rocky precipices. For unknown reasons the fruit changes its skin color from season to season and depending on its location as well. Interestingly, the Kraken fruit plant grows only sporadically from season to season and never in the same place from season to season almost as if the plant was moved through time and space by a humorous fiend, laughing at our cumbersome efforts to find it. It has never been found anywhere on Blissdaine Naive, except on our beautiful Evshlohogi Islands. Only the very adventurous & persistent will be rewarded with finding this little gem. This being said, there is great expense in purchasing products made with the Kraken fruit.

And why, you ask, should this strange fruit, be a must have on your list of unusual foods to try? I’m glad you asked. I was skeptical, ney, I poo-poo’d the idea that there was something so new, so different, so outrageously delectable, that I must, at any cost, have a taste! I was intrigued. Off I went to the infamous, Eden Tavern on Tooda Beach. This sexy little hideaway sports thrilling cliff-side views, unbeatable colorful sunrises & sunsets, cozy little private booths and comfortable lazy chairs, poolside tables and a menu that surprises and fulfills your expectations of different and other worldly picks not found anywhere else in Mujand! But I’m here to bring you the most unusual of all tastes, the Kraken Froothie.

So, the “secret” to the fruit’s allure is that it has a way of altering its flavor and flavors it is mixed with. The effect has been compared to a hallucinogen for the taste buds: once the juice of the Kraken fruit coats the tongue, magically the flavor morphs into a new flavor, almost as if the fruit knows what the imbiber wants to taste, sometimes what he/she needs to taste. It’s been said that the most awful and cruel people will get a taste of their own vile meanness, so beware, your personality and state of mind could have everything to do with your level of enjoyment of this fruit. It is also rumored that only a chosen few (chosen by the fruit?) are able to handle and use the Kraken with exemplary results.

To the bar, brave ones! (I’m an habitually happy person, some say, a little on the annoying side of happiness, so I wasn’t too worried) I ordered the Pineapple Kraken Froothie, It was billed as the “Ultimate Tooda Beach Libation”, as it will “take you to the beach, even if you hadn’t planned on going"! To the tune of 50 Dubre, I thought this drink should take me to the beach, then take me back to my room, give me a bath, put me to bed and bring me breakfast in the morning as well!

As my bartender whipped up the bright and fruity beverage, I noticed that he handled the strange looking Kraken fruit with great care, slicing it gently (being careful not to alter the fruit’s thoughts on the next personality?) I was mesmerized! In go the ingredients, Kraken fruit, pineapple, Rhumlo Juice and some sort of icy, golden, sparkly nougats. Blended gently, then poured into a glowing glass globe garnished with the most exotic flower I have ever seen (that’s another story). He set it in front of me and said, “you’ll enjoy this, you will”. He grinned devilishly then said, “do you have someone to get you back to your room? Just kidding’, you’ll be on the beach soon”! I gave him a perfunctory laugh and hesitantly took a sip, no a small gulp of the “Ultimate Tooda Beach Libation”…….. as the cold sweetness first touched my tongue, then danced past each taste bud, I was taken aback at what I tasted. It was surely unlike anything else I have ever had the pleasure of tasting! Sweet, sour, sparkly, oxygenated with happy snippets of spice. Before I swallowed, I felt euphoria rise through the roof of my mouth up through my nose, past my eyes and into my brain. My nose tickled, I giggled and had the urge to laugh out loud, but suppressed the urge and just smiled like an idiot. The bartender gave me a sideways glance, grinned and went on his bar tendering way. I gulped again, looking forward to the same flavors and sensations, but got more than I bargained for, the effect was at least doubled and I felt my toes start to tap on the floor beneath my bar stool. Oh dear Unc, please don’t let me dance! Great Shog, could it be that I could actually taste the incomparable kaleidoscope sunsets known only on these islands??? As I savored each exceptional aroma and flavor as I drank, my mind took flight and made its way to the warm sand, crashing waves, sparkling water, colorful and weirdly beautiful fish and fresh island air. I have never felt so alive and happy! This froothie was worth its weight in Ervescent Gold. As I finished the very last drop of the best drink I have ever tasted, the bartender looked at me, winked and said, “welcome back”! I boldly winked back and said, “Great Googly Moogly”! Laughing, I thanked the bartender and skipped out the door to watch the magical sunset from one of the lazy chairs.

The Kraken fruit has taken it’s place at the top of my list of “must haves”, as it should on yours, readers. Are you the next adventurer to hunt for this elusive wonder, or are you the next to find an establishment that serves it up expertly and to perfection? Make haste my friends, the Kraken is worth the effort, time and expense, believe me! I am already planning my next adventure with this lovely goodness.