“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

Callen Lorde

I am glad that I finally have more to update in regards to my transition process. It seemed like life was moving forward since May ended and I have had nada to contribute to this topic but now I do so here goes.

I had a 9 am appointment at the MLK center last Friday. I will go off on a rant by saying that I waited almost an hour and a half before I was seen. What was really messed up is that I left the house that morning and my phone was half dead as I forgot to charge it the night before so I was already upset at that fact. So more time went by and I started to think of Callen Lorde. I even thought to up and leave and make an appointment to go to Callen Lorde but I sat and waited till I was finally seen. What I can say that was very positive is that the social worker that I did see was indeed very friendly and open minded. Now hopefully all social workers would be people who are open minded but this is reality we are talking about lol. Anyway he asked me about when I thought I was a boy, how do I have sex etc. Now I am a very open person and I am not at all embarrassed to talk about my life so that wasn’t to hard. At the end of the interview he approved me to start T whenever I can get my next appointment. He almost thought I was already on T with my appearance as he says I look and give off the feel of a male already. Most of my friends already see me as a one of the guys so this will not be anything surprising to any of the ones who do not know already. Now I know I should be doing cartwheels and back flips but I have never been the type and I have celebrated in silence with my self. I am so happy and very anxious to get started with my muscle building and cardio. I want to be quite muscular and strong so If any one tries to step to me I can hit em with a one hitter quitter (hahaha). I have quite a few battles to fight when I transition. They are not all physical some are mental in nature. There are two particular people who I would punch in the face after a year on T. I say that so I can get to their level of strength before I try them. But off that I am already seen as a man in life because I can see that based on how I am treated. I do not get the special treatment that men give to pretty ladies when they see them. I get the bull shit customer service when I shop or go get takeout. People do not move when I am walking towards them and I have almost knocked quite a few men off of their feet because they want to walk right into me. I tend to push you over if I feel like you are being a prick and you act like you cannot move a few feet over so we can share the sidewalk. I am offered handshakes more then hugs when it comes to greeting men so that makes me one of them.

At the end of this week I am going to start to detox my body before I start T. This is my wifey’s advice and it couldn’t have been better.When I start hopefully I can have less reaction to the drug if my body is so fresh and so clean clean. I wonder how that feels to be cleansed of all the garbage we eat everyday. Anyway I hope to set my appointment after I detox for a few and then I can watch the fat drip off my body and build more muscle. I will not know what to do with my self once I am all sexified (thats my word that I use when I describe myself after I get some results from T). I cannot wait to be able to take my shirt off in public and just be butt ass naked. Well not literally but I am pretty sure people will understand what I mean. Hopefully the next time I post I will have my script!!

I feel lifted lol. Well I went to Callen Lorde on Wednesday and I couldn’t have expected better. The doctors and the people there are amazing. I instantly felt like I was at home with those people. I go back next week and I’m so excited! I get to meet the therapist who will basically tell me if I’m ready for T or not. I feel like im ready. How do I know if im not ready unless I try? What if this person thinks otherwise? What if I just change my mind after the first shot? There are many questions going around in my head. I just dont think anyone can tell me if im ready or not. Im out of here im going to live my life for real.

The other day I was going to blog this long post bout how bad of a day I was having when I said to myself “What are you doing?!!! I know no one wants to read about someone always having a bad day and whose in this sort of “doom and gloom” mindset. My new thing everyday is to look at all the things around me and appreciate it for what it is. All this materialistic stuff I should not be upset about having and/or losing. I am blessed to have woken up today. I’m going to be in a positive mindset today and try to keep it that way from now on. My mom and I are getting stuff together by having a back up plan for ourselves so I am very positive we will make it over this hurdle of life and we will get our ish together.

Well to much better news, I PASSED MY ASSESSMENT TEST FOR COLLEGE! I am so happy that I will be able to start school in the next month. Not to be cocky or anything but I knew I would pass. I have always known I was a pretty smart guy to begin with but I know you start to doubt yourself when so many negative things are around you. I finally stood up and I see a very bright future. In a week exactly I will be making my way down to Callen Lorde. I cant believe how fast time is flying by. It will be summer before I know it and it will be my unveiling. I plan on telling more of my close friends and family about my trans status and I hope they just jump on board. I already have a nice group of people in my life who know and support me already so ill be able to move forward with my process of transition regardless of anything. I LOVE APRIL!!! ITS A MONTH FULL OF SO MUCH POSITIVE ENERGY AND GROWTH!!!

So I dont know how to feel right now. Apparently my mom has fallen behind in her rent and now we have a little bit of time before we are evicted. Seems like lately I’ve been hearing nothing but bad news. I know things will get better its just a matter of when. I wish I knew some ideas. Well at least I can look forward to my Appointment at Callen Lorde Health Center. Im still stoked about transitioning though. I am looking forward to changes in my body. I’m just looking forward to some positive changes in my life that I know will come along with this as well as the negative problems I’ll have to face but I have to be strong. I am a growing boy you know. I feel better just blogging already. Well on a good note my wifey cooked me some good dinner. Thats definitely one thing she is great at and that’s soothing my soul from all the hurt and pain I feel on a daily basis. Well I’m going to spend some time with her tonight because shes so beautiful and so sweet ohh wee!!

So I went to work today and without knowing I think I have been promoted. I have an older set of kids now that they have me tutoring so I am very happy about that. I also came out to my employer today while we were talking and she didnt seem to weirded out. I am happy with the support that I have been receiving from people that I’m telling. Now I only have to tell my friends but I must admit I’m nervous because I dont know how they are going to react. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but I just hope that I don’t lose any friends. If I do I will just have to deal with it. I am certainly making progress with everything around me right now so I can’t complain. Next month I’ll be going to Callen Lorde Community Health Center. I called and set up an appointment. After I sign a paper to join the program, I’ll get a counselor where I can get help with navigating insurance plans. If unable, there is the option of a sliding scale fee which is based on your income. I hope I can get some insurance because I don’t make money like that to be paying out of pocket. I will find the money if I have to!