Jokes and Riddles

Joke/riddle 1. Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a field. One of them says,

“Funny, I can smell carrots too!”

Joke/riddle 2.Circulate a petition to put “intelligent human beings” on the endangered species list. Newest joke.

Joke/riddle 3. What did the farmer say to the sheep? Hey ewe!

Joke/riddle 4. Two mice were playing football on the TV. One fell off. (Suggested by Josh)

Joke/riddle 5. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

Joke/riddle 6. There was once a man whose dream was to buy a Rolls Royce. So he started saving up, until the day when he found he had just enough money. He went to the local car dealer, and said that he wanted to buy a Rolls Royce. The car dealer checked how much money the man had, and said
“Sorry mate, but your 20p short.”
“Dont worry,” said the man,”Wait a moment, will you?”
And he ran out onto the street, to where his friend, the newspaper seller was sitting.
“Hey mate!” the man said, “Have you got 20p? I want to buy a Rolls Royce.”
“Here’s 40p!” replied the newspaper-seller,”Get one for me too!” (suggested by Josh) Best Joke

Joke/riddle 7. There was once a boy (we’ll call him Jack) that was doing odd jobs around his home town for his friends and neighbours. After Jack ‘business’ had earned him a decent amount of money, a Scottish man moved to the town, to an old, run-down house. Jack jumped at the possibility that this man’s house needed urgent fixing. So, after Jack had thought he had ‘given him enough time to settle in’, he knocked in the front door. After Jack gave him a long list of all the things he could do, the man replied suspiciously “Can you paint the porch?”, “Sure mate, I’ll get down to it right away.” So the man closes the door and Jack gets down to painting. About three hours later, Jack knocks on the door again. “That’ll be 20 quid then please, mate” so the man hands Jack his money. “Oh, and by the way…” Jack says, as he walks out of the drive way. “That is not a Porsche, it’s a Ferrari.” (suggested by Hannah)

Joke/Riddle 9. A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!” (suggested by Harry)

Poll

Jokes

You're so stupid that when police tell you that you broke the speed limit, you offer to fix it.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Where do you find chili beans? At the North Pole.
What do you call a train loaded with toffee? A chew chew train.
More jokes of the "jokes and riddles" page, enjoy!