Wrestling Wrap Up: Undertaker Says HBK Was Better

First off, a big warm nurturing "Thank ya!" to a lad who simply goes by @shamelesstwitts on "The Twitter" for trying his best to rock a giant GDYC poster at last night's RAW. Unfortunately these Road to WrestleMania RAWs are drawing in, like, 18 thousand fans and he kind of got drowned out. I kinda sorta saw him on TV while Miz was going "yakety blah" in the ring, but I wasn't going to get a good pic of it. But here's his own pic that he sent me.

Also, I didn't see her sign but Miss. Samanthapants sent me a pic of the sign she was going to bring to the show, but it also seems as though she got swallowed whole by the ferocious ocean of Philadelphites.

Basically, I wanted to call out Sam because, well, I have exactly three female fans. She's unicorn rare. She's pretty much that person who calls the "How Am I Driving?" phone number to compliment someone on their left turn. So yeah, Sam is 1/3rd of my hopefully inflatable estrogen-advantaged fanbase. Hell, my wife isn't even a fan. That would require her knowing what the hell I do for a living. If I did a weekly column where I posted .gifs of Chomsky, Vidal, Zinn or Christopher Hedges wiping out on skateboards, or photoshopped them together with sad Keanu Eating a Sandwich, then maybe she'd give a s***.

Last night's RAW was fine, but aside from Jericho calling Punk's sister a junkie whore, it didn't really give us all that much to chew on. The show ended with Undertaker, Triple H and HBK all in the ring together and, well, there were words. Taker still looks like a potions professor from Durmstrang. HBK was wearing an "eff yeah, huntin'!" shirt. Triple H was all clenched up and emotionally constipated. There just wasn't much of anything new offered up.

The funny thing about most of these WrestleMania matches is that…they could happen this weekend. 'Mania could go down this weekend and I think I'd be just as excited to see these matches as I will be a few weeks from now. So the big challenge the WWE has is to somehow make people more pumped for these contests. Again, it might just be considered a victory if they don't manage to ruin or squash anyone's excitement. Of course, there are just some matches that will be full of "pre-fail" regardless. I don't see myself ever getting psyched to see Orton vs. Kane. It's just not within my genetic sequencing. Perhaps if they made it a 60-minute Iron Man Match…

"Whoopty s***, it's me!"

The core of the "End of an Era" match right now is that…HBK is going to be a dirty ref. So they're not even going to save his swerve for the match, he's just flat-out saying that he's going to be biased and the mystery now is, "Who's Side is He On?" Which is a little disheartening because, whether Taker wins or loses (which we all have strong feelings about one way or the other), we'd want it to be clean. But I am looking forward to this HIAC match because I am invested in The Streak. I was on the flippin' edge of my seat last year during Taker vs. Hunter, and there were definite moments when I thought Taker was done for. Probably after the nineteenth Tombstone or some s***. And I predict that I will be in that same frantic state this year, wondering if they have decided to end Taker's streak or not. What we have to do now is look at the specific rhetoric they're using. Does the "End of an Era" mean the end of the streak? Is that the only way to end the "era?" Can the era not end if the streak is intact? Because if that's the case, then they're going to end it. And will it take, essentially, both HHH and HBK to do it, since they couldn't do it individually? Of course, this match is also supposed to symbolize the end for all three of these guys so there's also a strong possibility that this thing could just end in a double-murder/suicide*

*reason #437 of why I don't book matches

Triple Threat MAAAAKEEEE OUUUUUUTT!

They did do a rare thing last night though when they showed footage of the MSG weekend house show where Triple H tombstoned Ziggler. Which probably signals that we're going to see twenty tombstones this year. Some folks out there even think that because all three of these guys are so tied to this match, that it will all end in a big "No Contest." When they all just rip off their clothes and start having sex with each other. Look, I said some folks.

But aside from getting all three of these elder statesmen in the ring together, their segment was sort of business as usual. Taker said that HBK was better than Hunter. Everyone went "Oh snap!" and that was it. It was the Jericho/Punk segment that opened the show that offered up a new twist to the proceedings. Again, like I wrote last week, it's upsetting that they just couldn't keep this match as "Best vs. Best" and felt like they needed to add in the whole "CM Drunk" angle. It has a cheapening effect. And I swear, if at some point during the 'Mania match Jericho pulls out a bottle or flask to taunt Punk I'm going to punch the person next to me (which will probably be IGN's Eric Goldman, so apologies in advance, doodheim/broindexter).

So last night, Jericho told Punk that he would no longer bring up Punk's dad, but then he casually side-stepped into darker territory by calling out Punk's sis as being a street-walking meth hooker. If there's one good thing that this whole dumb angle has managed to do though, it's make Punk more serious. I might not agree with how he got there, but Punk has lost his smile and is now out to hurt Jericho. So the usual flippancy is gone, and Punk now has a forum to bring back his whole straight edge thing as a hero. I just wish they hadn't chosen to make Jericho so cartoonish. Because he's about a week away from sinisterly twirling one end of a handlebar mustache while tying Punk's sister to some train tracks.