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Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year, New Me?

So normally, I don't do the whole New Years Resolution thing. I guess I don't like setting myself up to fail. lol However, my past resolutions have been very specific and for things that maybe I don't want whole-heartedly? I think the point of New Years Resolutions should be a fresh slate to do something you WANT to do, not something you *HAVE* to change about your life. So here's the rules for my resolutions. No weight-loss goals, no giving up smoking, no giving up drinking, or all those other things that most people do. I don't ever want cliche for my life, and I know that I'd break every one of those resolutions this year.

That being said, I DID make a couple resolutions. Or... I guess ONE big resolution broken up in to parts. :) So here it is:

Be a better Quinn.

1. I'm gonna be a better wife -- I want to bring something to our marriage. Lately I've felt more like a leech than a wife, and I'm sick of feeling that way. I cook for my husband, but that's basically the length of my wife skills as of late. I have this weird complex where I can't clean in front of people. I don't know what it is or why people make me uncomfortable when it comes to housework, but needless to say, having a husband home on leave makes it hard to keep a tidy house! I'm not saying my house is like disgusting by any means. I just know that it could be better, especially with all the time I have on my hands. So I want to cook more, clean in front of people, coupon, meal plan, save us some money. Those kind of things :) I think Brent deserves a better wife, and that's what he's gonna get!

2. I'm gonna take care of my health -- YES I need to lose weight. But that's not all. And I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm going to completely turn my life around, eat healthy, exercise, and drop weight in no time. And here's why: I don't want to let people down.. especially those close to me. I'm used to letting myself down when it comes to weight loss. I've kind of come to terms with it, and that's no good. But it would KILL me to have Brent, my family, and close friends cheering me on, and then to fail. I can't keep disappointing people. But if I were to make small changes, maybe a step in the right direction, then people can just be proud of me. I know it's important to have support during a weight loss journey, but I'm not to the point where I'm ready to accept it. The only reason I want to lose weight is for others. That might be my depression speaking through, but it's truth. I feel like others are more upset with my weight than I am. When I'm ready to lose weight for myself, then i'll do it. Until then, I'm not gonna make false promises. But weight aside, there's still a lot to do with my health that i've been ignoring and I would like to address and take care of starting now! My bones are weak, my spine is out of line, my digestive system hates me, and my depression is still a nagging problem. I need to take vitamins (with Calcium since i'm lactose intolerant! lol), see a doctor about my spine and digestive system, and I NEED to take my zoloft more regularly. I don't want to self medicate, but when Brent is around I forget that I NEED something to keep me stable. It isn't healthy for either of us for me to be dependent on him to relieve my depression symptoms. So I need to tackle these issues.

3. Take care of business -- I need to pay back Ashford for my schooling (I hate them, btw. Hate.), I need to take care of an old medical bill, get my sh** together, and figure out what I'm gonna do with life. I WANT to be a homemaker.. but at the same time, I'm sick of answering the "are you going to school? are you working?" questions.. and not having people understand. I started online school for other people, and because I wasn't motivated and didn't want to do it for me, I had no urge to fix the billing issues, and then just continue with a new school. I just gave it up! I have no desire to go back to school right now. I have no desires to work really, other than to feel like I'm not just mooching off Brent. lol My desires are to perfect my meal plan, learn to coupon, learn to sew and be a better crafter, and then someday be a mommy. THOSE are the things I want out of life.. I just need to find a way to apply my desires to something I can be proud of. Or just find it in myself to tell people to suck it and be happy doing what I wanna do. I kind of derailed, but basically -- tie up loose ends, and take a step towards the person I want to be.. whoever that may be.

Aaaannnnd, that does it for my New Years Resolutions. I'm not sure of what 2012 holds, but I am definitely excited to find out! What are your resolutions?