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There are no dumb questions---okay, maybe a few. (Photo credit: Alex E. Proimos)

No wonder Apple’s stock is off 28% since hitting its $700 high last September. Turns out the poor souls working there are up to their blue shirts in…how to say…challenged customers.

For proof, check out these nine brain teasers, courtesy of incredulous sources within Apple’s retail empire. Yes, these are real questions posed by real customers, either over the phone or in-person at an Apple store.

Are you in the retail game and think you can top these? Feel free to comment. We could all use a few lighthearted laughs.

1. After receiving an Apple product as a gift, a woman called and asked: "What is it?" She described the device as "flat.”

2. A young girl called because her iPhone wasn't working. She said she got "something sticky all over it,” and wondered, if she brought it in, would we get it off?

3. A caller asked: “What’s up with the stock price?” (Yes, he called a retail store for investment advice.)

4. A man called to complain about Siri. He said that “Siri did not sound like the commercial; sounds more like a robot.” That so?

5. A woman called in a panic after dropping her iPhone down a porta potty and asked what she should do. One can only hope she wasn’t calling from the same phone.

6. A customer asked how his iPhone could have moisture damage just by being left in the refrigerator.

7. A gentleman asked if our computers came with Windows. Microsoft Windows, that is. (Note: Mac computers have a "dual boot" option, giving users a choice of using the Apple proprietary operating system or the Windows operating system. The gentleman in this anecdote wondered if the competition's software came for free.)

8. A caller was upset that Apple had replaced the iPad3 with an updated version. He insisted Apple should "swap out" his old iPad for the new one given that he had just bought it seven or eight months ago---you know, the same way you’d swap out your 2012 Ford Explorer for the 2013 model.

9. While getting price quotes on new computers, a caller asked: “But does the Internet come on that?” (Note: Best Buy has packaged some machines with a local cable Internet provider.)

An earlier version of this post contained a 10th question about which, upon further consideration, the customer could be given the benefit of the doubt.