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Meet my children. They love the devil.

This year, I joined a number of homeschooler support groups.
Because the first step is admitting you have a problem.And although the coffee is bad, sometimes
they have some good things to offer. Like yesterday, when I learned through a
comment thread that I’m not even CLOSE to being the only homeschooling parent
with a real-life, paying, jay-oh-bee. Which is awesome to know. I liked it. Work on, workin mamas. Pay bills.
Teach kids. Rock the house. How does she do it.

And then of course, there’s days when I’m convinced that
every homeschooler in the world is some kind of a
terrified-of-everything-in-the-universe lunatic.Take
today, for example, when someone asked what everyone thought about referring to
one’s children as “kids”.

Truth? I hadn’t. I hadn’t thought about calling my
“children” kids. I called my kids, then I went and did something else. I hadn’t
thought about it at all. I mean, I think about keeping them safe. I think about
teaching them to be good. To be independent. To be hard workers. To care for
others. I think about the quality of the education I give them. I think about
whether or not I spend enough time with them. If we have enough activities in
our lives. If we indulge them too much. I think about what bringing an adoptive
child into our home did to our biological children. I think about whether or
not we are a good enough home for said adoptive child. I wonder if I’m too
angry. If I’m too strict. If I don’t push them enough. If we love them hard
enough. Or love them well enough. Or love them enough enough.

So, I think, sure. But no, I don’t spend a whole lot of time
thinking about what it means if I use a word for my children that can
technically also be used to describe a small adorable farm creature. And
therein lies my problem. Apparently.

According to The Internet, this is a problem because, of
course, ‘kid’ traditionally means child-goat. Even worse, in the Bible, God
separates the goats from the sheep, and as any child of Christendom or fan of
Cake remembers, “Sheep go to heaven, Goats go to hell.” Along with this, it would seem that the Goat
is also the “Pagan Devil God”. Ipso facto, “Hello, meet my beloved kids” translates to
“Hi, meet my beloved Spawn of Satan, who I bathe in the blood of the innocent.
All hail Lucifer”. I mean, it’s science.

Now, you’re freaking out. Sure. But I should stop and say
that, even on this Weirdo-Raising, Crazy-Butt-Crazy homeschooler website, most
people’s brains exploded about this. Like, WHY IS THIS SOMETHING THAT’S EVEN A
THING???? Of course, a few people retorted that “guys, words have meanings, and
goats are evil horned devil beasts that God sent straight to hell-fire, and you
shouldn’t preach that truth over your children”.* But most were more…
amused.Honestly, I was worried my
little Weirdo-Raisers Support Group had become too crazy to parody. I’m glad we
found something to agree on here. And that thing is SERIOUSLY? COME. ON.

I’ll be honest. Please don’t excommunicate me. I really
wanted to say something thought-provoking here. I wanted to turn this into
something meaningful. But in the end, what I have is this:

CALM. THE CRAP. DOWN. YOU CRAZY BUNCH OF WACK-TARDS.

Alright. All kidding aside.** Yes, grammar is fun, and words
have meanings, and it’s great to analyze and wonder and consider. That is
truthiness. But to suggest that the use of a common slang term to refer to the
tiny humans, can bestow demonic characterstics over them, well… It’s nuts,
right? RIGHT?

I'm a wife and a homeschool mom. I have a super great husband and four of the strangest, most adorable children I've ever personally had the pleasure of meeting. I work with kids with Autism. And I really, really love Jesus. I'm here to share some of that journey, the funny stories, the lessons learned, and all the craziness that comes along the way!