Lady Gaga Got Puked On and Demi Lovato Doesn't Like the Aftertaste

I come to this tale with a little jealousy. I've been wanting to vomit on Lady Gaga's face long before this fancy pants performance artist came and spit up colored milk all over her damaged koala looking frontside. I once saw a performance artist shove a potato up her ass and recite the names of the Presidents she claimed were responsible for imperialism. It made me feel ashamed, mostly for the lengths I went to get laid in college. That tuber up the ass was minor spectacle compared to seeing Millie Brown bulimia her colorful dairy all over Gaga at SXSW, that festival in Austin that you really need to start telling people you attended. Fuck Coachella, this is the new hipster cool points. Lady Gaga found being barfed on so liberating that she posted a picture of herself naked in the bathtub cleaning off the puke:

I loved every moment with you Austin. Last nights show healed my soul. Creative Rebellion is ARTPOP. Release yourself from every expectation. Be free.

If that doesn't inspire you to want to have some nasty chick upchuck spoiled cream on you, nothing will. I can only imagine how millions of Little Monsters have reordered their disaffected teen bucket lists, completely forgoing their previous goal of having a gay BFF who holds them while they cut the word ARTPOP into their flabby forearms.

Demi Lovato then went on to Tweet some more analogies about cutting and drugs and other things under her broad life experiences belt. She raised the important philosophical point that just because you call something 'art' doesn't mean it's inherently worthwhile. Sadly, she couldn't complete the logic circle and bring that back to her own musical endeavors. The puking performance artist countered Demi Lovato's assertions with a whole bunch of chatter that made no sense and gave me a huge fucking headache to try and understand. I think it mostly boiled down to, my dad never loved me, so I'm gonna keep on barfing milk on whoever the hell I want. Female empowerment is so incredibly complicated. We really need to work on getting more girls into sports.