Former Miss Great Britain and current racist, Danielle Lloyd, was savagely beaten by two women inside the West End’s Crystal Club last night sometime after she arrived with her boyfriend, Tottenham Hotspur midfielder, Jamie O’Hara. Loyd reportedly was dragged outside where she bled on the pavement until an ambulance arrived and took her to a hospital where she required plastic surgery. But not the kind she normally gets. The Sun reports:

Cops arrested two women in their 20s for allegedly attacking her as she partied with £9,000-a-week Jamie, 22. The couple had been to a wedding before heading to the Crystal club in London’s West End — arriving hand-in-hand at 11pm. A witness said: “I think one kicked Danielle — it may have been an accident. She got up to demonstrate. “I saw her in a tangle with at least one other woman. Punches and slaps were being thrown. “Danielle came falling backward off the sofa and landed on a table. She cut her leg pretty badly. Jamie and some guy who may have been the other girl’s boyfriend were being held apart by bouncers who threw Jamie out.” As she lay on the pavement, Danielle was heard shrieking: “My leg, my leg.” She needed stitches to a “serious” back wound as well as cosmetic surgery on her limb.

Not to point out the obvious here, but when somebody gets their ass kicked this bad, they probably deserved it. On Celebrity Big Brother she was an instigating bully, so maybe she just walked into this club and said the wrong thing to the wrong person. People make the same mistake when they see me breakdancing.

The only criteria to be considered hot in England is to have is to have really big boobs, and in case you’re wondering, Danielle Lloyd is an English model and a former Miss England and a former Miss Great Britain. She’s looks kinda soft here and I have no idea what’s going on with her armor plated toenails, but I’d probably totally hit this. You know, especially if Grey’s Anatomy was a rerun. Oh, that Meredith. Will she ever be able to love herself?

I don’t want to assume that Danielle Lloyd has had lip injections, so I’m gonna guess either she was attacked by a swarm of bees or she was exposed to some kind of radiation. I don’t know what type of radiation exactly, but apparently her superpowers include the ability to drain testicles. Up, up, and away!

I have no idea who Danielle Lloyd is, but apparently she either wants me to go skiing or join the Communist Party. It’s hard to tell. Let’s hope it’s the skiing thing, because you’ll never take me alive, commie. WOLVERINES!!!!