Pages

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Theory of empathy

This may sound completely idiotic, completely obvious, completely redundant, or all three, but reading people's responses to the post on using babies to teach empathy, I thought maybe for the first time I have a theory about what empathy is:

Empathy is you feeling an emotion you have previously experienced in response to seeing someone else experience something that looks similar enough to remind you viscerally and poignantly of your own experience. In a way, you are re-living the previous experience, not necessarily feeling what the other person is feeling.

Empathy requires some degree of attention to the emotional cues of others to trigger your recollection of your own experience.

People who are particularly observant of or in tune with the emotions of others and people who have had a greater breadth and depth of emotions are more likely to feel empathy.

To the extent that sociopaths seem to lack empathy, it may be attributed to the fact that they are both (1) relatively oblivious to social cues and that (2) they have a different emotional palette that is triggered less frequently by the emotions of neurotypicals.

Sociopaths do have infrequent feelings of empathy when the stars align and the sociopath is both paying attention to the cue and has previously experienced the emotion himself.

Thoughts? It's primarily based on Newman's work with sociopath emotions and attentional issues, but I wonder if I am misunderstanding what empaths (or sociopaths) feel.

You're one of those people who adopted sociopathic tendencies to survive then? I'm curious if this actually works, or if you are an emotional wreck inside, but you simply choose to ignore it. Can you think of your most horrible moment without feeling anything about it? Or do you still hold grudges?

"Empathy is you feeling an emotion you have previously experienced in response to seeing someone else experience something that looks similar enough to remind you viscerally and poignantly of your own experience. In a way, you are re-living the previous experience, not necessarily feeling what the other person is feeling."

So imagine a person who just about never feels confidence, and he sees a guy dripping with confidence. I suspect he or she could empathize, even if he or she has never felt as confident as that person.

Also, your focus seems a bit off to me.

My understanding - along these lines is that when you are focused on yourself, you see others as objects and don't really empathize with them.

In my own experience, looking at things nonjudgmentally makes it possible for me to empathize. There's something about making judgements that changes the way I connect with others.

So I suspect it isn't so much about "seeing stuff" and "recognizing stuff" in others, but rather looking at the world differently than you tend to.

When I first saw people nonjudgmentally, it was a very surprising thing, because first I was concerned for others, then I noticed that I was spontaneously concerned for them (instead of disgusted with them) - which resulted in me being very surprised.

My thoughts were something like, "Hmmm. Normally I'd be agitated that there's a porch ape in my grocery store, and outraged to be seeing one, despite making efforts to live my life in such a way that I avoid them, but instead I'm concerned that this person has a limp and might be in discomfort."

Here's the best way I can think of it: imagine you spend your life buying and selling used cars. Whenever you walk down the street, you see cars, and you instantly size up their condition, not the model and compute, without even trying, and estimate of their value. You are a bit like the Terminator, walking around, spontaneously viewing things that way.

Then one day you go out and you just see cars. Maybe you not the color, shapes, the people in them, etc. So you see things very differently.

My understanding is that most of the time, I'm walking around, sizing people up in terms of their wealth, youth, attractiveness, race, etc. and judging them - like in that Terminator video. The "processing" is related to me and my needs at the moment (admiration, sex, etc). There's something about that method of processing that makes it impossible to empathize.

Another thing: at a certain point I realized that not everyone was going around viewing the world the way I do. I had assumed, for the longest time, that people would somehow, at a fundamental level, view the world the same way as I - all that, despite me clearly being more cold and callous than just about everyone I know.

Empathy can be feeling and/or person specific, such as mine. My case is due (I think) to early abuses, although there is much question about genetic possibilities. I don't mind being able to switch my empathy on and off though. It can be incredibly draining and sometimes I just need to not give a fuck :) That's most of the time, unless appearing cold will have some sort of negative impact on my life and then I'll do what's expected.

Of course if I'm really connected to someone, like a current romantic interest, I'll become very empathic and attentive to her/his emotional needs.

Empathy is you feeling an emotion you have previously experienced in response to seeing someone else experience something that looks similar enough to remind you viscerally and poignantly of your own experience. In a way, you are re-living the previous experience, not necessarily feeling what the other person is feeling. Empathy requires some degree of attention to the emotional cues of others to trigger your recollection of your own experience.

I think empathy functions as does the sympathetic nervous system. It functions, automatically, as does breathing. It is not regulated by conscious thought. It functions, as does a reflex. If you touch a hot stove, you will pull off your hand.

For people who had severe abuse, some part of themselves has to give. They have to give up something in order to survive. That is how defense mechanisms work.

I think the "nature" of the PD was in what you had to give up : how you morphed to fit your particular abuse. With the sociopath, he hardened.

With the BPD, hr became amorphous. With the Narc, he built a huge false front, so his true, inner self would never be hurt again.

With the co-dependent, he thought he would not be able to survive, if he was not liked.

Gender probably plays a role in the "choice" between ASPD and BPD. Testosterone would probably fight.Estrogen would probably try to adapt to surroundings.

"Empathy is you feeling an emotion you have previously experienced..."

As an empath who regularly reads this blog I have to disagree. I don't have to have previously experienced an emotion to feel empathy. My parents are alive and well for example but I can empathize with someone who is grieving a parent's death. No one I've really been close to has died but I can still empathize with someone who is in pain, and is suffering in the way only a death can produce.

No, I still disagree. I've worked extensively with children who've been horrifically abused. I've never experienced anything like what these kids have and yet I feel tremendous empathy for them and their lives and even sometimes for their abusers. Previously experiencing an emotion is not a prerequisite for empathy for an empath.

ME, I'm confused. Are you saying you don't feel cognitive empathy? Or are you talking about that thing where you feel like how the other person felt, like when someone gets an ouchie? That one post? Like idk, a needle pricking someone's thumb? Or are you talking about having sympathetic empathy or caring for people?

If you mean the last one, you are off. I really doubt you do, but in case you do, I can't really explain empathy to you but I can reply to the points

1 would be wrong because you do not need to have experienced anything like what has happened to someone to have empathy or be sensitive to others. Have you ever heard of "I probably can't imagine what she's going through"? (even if you know it would be bad for you, you know you're not imagining just HOW bad it is)

If you're talking about cognitive empathy I wasn't aware there was a complete lack of that as well. I know there will be when someone has a reaction you would never have on a blue moon to something... like crying over something you'd never cry over and all buttt.. at all? What about getting angry or frustrated over things you would get frustratedover? When you hear someone talk about that, you can't imagine what it's like?

Wow Wicked - thanks for stating the obvious: ''you do not need to have experienced anything like what has happened to someone to have empathy or be sensitive to others'' (Also already mentioned in a previous comment).

''reaction you would never have on a blue moon to something... like crying over something you'd never cry over and all buttt.. at all?''

This sounds like absolute dribble. Perhaps if you tried to write in a coherent and concise manner, instead of a waffling attempt at intellectualism, anon 7:10, wouldn't be suggesting suicide. :-)

"Empathy is you feeling an emotion you have previously experienced in response to seeing someone else experience something that looks similar enough to remind you viscerally and poignantly of your own experience. In a way, you are re-living the previous experience, not necessarily feeling what the other person is feeling."

When watching people getting hurt I can "feel" pain the same way I can "listen" my voice in my mind, it also triggers fear which makes difficult to keep watching. Same can happen with emotion, a lot of people feel sad when watching someone crying.

"Empathy requires some degree of attention to the emotional cues of others to trigger your recollection of your own experience. "I agree, you can't mirror an emotion if you don't notice it.

"People who are particularly observant of or in tune with the emotions of others and people who have had a greater breadth and depth of emotions are more likely to feel empathy. "

I guess that you can't empathize with something that you don't experience. For example I have no sense of smell, when people complain about an odor I find them annoying or funny.

allright allright allriiiiightyou gone learn today!yes, the definition described in the blod post is very accurate. One small discrepancy: I don' t believe it is necessary for someone to have shared a similar experience or emotion in order to empathize. Example: I empathize with paranoid schitzos. I've never had a coffee table tell me to kill my mother, but I can still try to place myself in their shoes. I can imagine how disturbing that might be to somebody. I place myself in a position where their point of view can become my own long enough for me understand their vulnerability. I no longer feel bad for them, but I feel bad with them, in an attempt to console them.Now I just lied through my fingers on this post, but this is the general idea of what it is like. besides, my coffee table only complains when I forget to feed the cieling fan.Sociopathic women who need a good gangbang and arent particular about having all their orifices filled to the gills in semen, say hello to the most romantic bastard ever to hit you in the back of the head with a subway bag filled with rocks. I love you all...in the ass.

Been exposed to a sociopath for many year. Recently I have been exercising my "inner sociopath " on a regular basis. Only after having cut the cord on my mentor for lack of a better name. Strange how intense the anxiety of behavior effects or infects me!

Of course, it is not as strange as you may think. A sociopathic "relationship" is based on fear, and isolation. The sociopath will not share you with others. He or She owns you in their mind. If you are not subjected to other behaviors for an extended period of time, you begin exercising what you see.However, you have awareness, this is key.

what do you mean? guarded?my son is 14 almost 15, now involved w/the court system, stealing, indecent exposure, failing school, etc and so on. I have take him to three therapists, a psychiatrist who diagnosed him w/ADD and depression, just recently he had an eval. with yet another Dr, who said he had "conduct disorder" as it is called in children. In adults it is called "sociopathic behavior". I grieve the lack of empathy and remorse my son has. He lacks the ability to process conduct equals consequence. Please let me know of anything that may help my son adapt to life in the real world. He needs to understand how his behavior affects the people around him.

I experience empathy not just with prior experiences, but even simulated ones. I can extrapolate emotions from people, without having priorly experienced them, add them into my 'library' of emotions. I can construct the conflicting emotions as well. Although they wont have the same intensity, the accuracy is pretty much dead on.

My body automaticly mirrors intense emotions from others, which is why I dislike conflict and angry people. It's unpleasant. I can cut too deep into others when I feel the need to lash out. To cause others pain gives me physical discomfort, but when I inflict pain...its usually to return pain I've received.Luckily I rarely ever do.

Emotion is allot like the cache memory of experiences. The title of a big thread on reddit, holding big discussions.Quick and accessible. You can revisit and edit the perspective of the experiences, give it new meaning..change the emotion.

Above there was someone who spoke about withholding judgement, and view other lifeforms with a new perspective.To me that sounds like a very good experiment for sociopaths to indulge in.Would be interesting seeing you guys give a shit...oh that shit gonna be fun =}

As an empath--first time I've ever called myself that--I'm not motivated by power dynamics. I do perceive them pretty clearly, but that awareness makes me uncomfortable and unhappy. Instead, I seek out situations where there is no power imbalance, so i can concentrate on things that make me happy, affection, openness, understanding.

As I'm trying to get something different out of an interaction than a sociopath is, it's likely that I look for and notice different social cues and emotional reactions.

I also assume that everyone is different, unique, and separate from me. So beyond just recognizing emotions I've had myself then re-expiring these emotions, I try to imagine how a different person might be feeling and, hopefully, thereby expand my own emotional range.

Featured comment

Of course, my default is still to intuitively analyze every outcome and situation and achieve the best result, but it's more interesting to let people remain a variable and go in their own direction, rather than nudging them in the direction I prefer. Interacting with people WITHOUT trying to control them is a new paradigm for me.