Johnny Depp Is Definitely Not Sorry About That Dog Smuggling Thing

Just less than one year ago, the world was pondering whether or not Johnny Depp and wife Amber Heard might actually go to jail for attempting to smuggle their two Yorkshire terriers (Pistol and Boo, naturally) into Australia. Personally, I just remember thinking, “Wait Josh Duggar just admitted to molesting a bunch of children with zero consequences in sight, meanwhile Johnny Depp might end up in JAIL? But he’s so sensitive, and small! He’d never survive!”

I needn’t have worried, because Depp and Heard are celebrities and everyone knows celebrities never go to jail. Duh.

The pair did however issue the most uncomfortable and seemingly disingenuous apology in the history of apologies, after which Heard was sentenced to a “one-month good behavior bond sentence,” AKA not even a slap on the wrist.

If there was any doubt regarding Depp’s feelings about the ordeal before, there certainly aren’t any now. During a Sunday press conference held in London while promoting Alice Through the Looking Glass, the actor literally went out of his way to make fun of the terrier debacle.

“I’m going to do this everywhere I go. I really would like to apologize for not smuggling my dogs into England because it would have been a bad thing to do … Because the Australians, a little chipper. I tried to kill them after Australia.”

Ensue awkward silences and giggles from the rest of the panel. But how do you really feel Johnny? Does this mean there won’t be like, a tenth (sixth) Pirates of the Caribbean film? Fingers crossed.