Charlie Sheen Is Engaged To This

Because coke and money are a currency unto themselves (wait), TMZ reports Charlie Sheen is engaged to Brett Rossi, a “former” porn star if such a thing ever existed which it doesn’t. This will be Charlie’s fourth marriage, and Brett’s 800th penis to go into her for money, so I don’t need to tell you that the romance is rife, my friends. Rife like a fox. Elton?

Let me tell you exactly how this is going to go, as Ive dated two women like this. One was a literal nympho who was a personal trainer, the other was an Asian stripper with huge tits and an ass like a 16 year old track star.

The first 6 months are pure bliss. There’s lots of fucking. Doggy style, over the couch, on the floor. In a creek bed in a park (didnt get laid for two weeks in that instance), in your car in front of her parents house. In the bottom of a musty smelling canoe on a lake in upstate New York., etc, etc

Well then it starts getting a little dull. Intellectually speaking, it becomes much more apparent they are dead inside each passing day. You can only giggle in unison at her spilling her coffee on herself and rolling her eyes whenever politics is mentioned before you keep asking yourself “Jesus…how dumb *is* this chick?”

To spice up the sex, you start getting more creative. Banging them through their pantyhose. Buying one of those BDSM leather masks for her. Anal. Ah, sweet anal. The trainer used to like flashing guys her poon-tang in front of me. Home Depot was her place of choice. Then the discussion of a threesome inevitably comes up. The bickering picks up.

Fast forward 18 months. The sex is getting somewhat “routine” at this point. Who would have thought that banging a hot blond dressed in a pink Playboy bunny suit and stuffing her panties in her mouth and making her call you “Daddy” would get old, but it does. The fighting is constant at this point. They’ve come to realize that the relationship is just sexual, and nothing more. That’s when they start picking fights over stupid shit. Guys, word of advice, whenever they throw a hissy fit over where you picked to eat dinner, its not about the fucking restaurant.

Two years in. You’ve broken up. Once, twice. The makeup sex was fantastic though after you’ve gotten back together. But you find yourself immediately irritable around them afterwards. You mask these feelings with talks of threesomes. Maybe going to a swingers party. You actually DO go to Vegas and pick up a stripper with her. (That shit’s always overrated by the way. Too much thinking the entire time…”Will she get mad if start eating her pussy?….whoops, she just tried to put it in her without a condom, did she see that?”)

After the threesome, sex party, etc the fighting becomes everything. Even the makeup sex at this point, you’re still fucking pissed off before/during/after. The relationship ends. And you know what? You dont really give a shit.

Fast forward a couple years and you find yourself a great girl, someone you can laugh with, hang out with doing whatever. You eventually marry her, and truly love her. Here’s the tradeoff though – the sex is nothing what it was with the first two. Yeah, yeah, this is where Ive pissed off any of the women reading this still – “But you love her!” I do, but I also have respect for her. Kind of hard to call your wife a “Filthy cum slut” as you’re nutting on her face. The first two, you use them for what they are and can degrade them beyond even what you think there limits are. That’s good sex..great sex, in fact. But to make “love” to your wife, its kind of like trading in a Mustang for a mini-van in that respect.

Sheen will be divorced in 18-24 months. Because deep down, he doesnt respect her. He detests her. If he can find a girl that he truly loves, well that’s a different story. But he’ll probably find himself jerking off over the toilet bowl to “Fuck My Ass 12″ when his wife is out picking up a loaf of bread.

Sounded cool when I heard Charlie Harper’s life is based on Sheen’s life. On TV it looks cool. A rich, shallow party animal who beds a hot girl every night. But much like with porn stars it only looks good on screen.

Wow, it’s like we’ve lived the same life – except for all the crazy-awesome shit you did before you got married. I never did any of that. Oh, and it’s “FMA 11″, that I jerk off to while my wife’s out getting a loaf of bread, normally. Or trannies.

Go to Google. Turn OFF the rating filter
Hide your children, and pets, lock the door.
Type in the name Brett Rossi, and enter.
CLICK on the video tab at the top of the page.
There are literally hundreds of videos of Brett.
Many of them, are not PG rated.

My mistake, in Google type: PORN, Brett Rossi
This reveals ALL of her videos. It’s pretty revealing.
BTW, She only does Lesbian and Masturbation videos
in between Farm Animal and Glory Hole gigs.
Go Charlie!

I’m just crossing my fingers that he doesn’t knock her up. That last thing this world needs is another child plunged into instant crisis. Let him shit his money away on women, it’s better than throwing it away on drugs. I can bet you that she’s had a rougher life than his by far, and I’d rather see her get it. Poor girl has to fuck the crypt keeper now, she deserves every penny his kids and baby mommas don’t get.