In short, I have trained in kickboxing, Kajukenbo, BJJ and for the past 12 years Aikido in mulitiple systems. I have found that in real combat situations the type of training that Shodan is offering you was most beneifical in that it builds neropathways that are solid and you can not make aikido techniques work without sensing the movements of an attacker. I do think it would be a good idea to allow even a shodan to lead you. I have a long way to go too, I must be open to learning at every opportunity, that is Aiki to me, fresh mind and open to any point that presents itself, and PATIENCE which is a greater lesson. But if you are unhappy you really should find some happiness in your training, you will get what you want if you seek long enough. BEST to you in your path. Domo. BTW i know I can't spell, but I hear that physicist refered to above could not either...