If you’re like me, you’ve heard these phrases all your life, eventually believing that you were just a worrywart, a chicken little–always crying “the sky is falling.” You accepted that this was simply a part of your personality. Eventually, you even began to despise phrases like “happiness is a choice” because you were envious of how easy it seemed for everyone else. However, such sentiments still caused to be ever harder on yourself because you couldn’t understand why it was so difficult for you.

You probably thought some things like…

Other people can speak without stuttering… Why can’t I?

Other people can make phone calls without wanting to throw up… Why can’t I?

Nooooo, Not even close. That would a heavy burden to bear in my opinion. I could never keep up with the expectations and image. Miss America shared her own personal story on anxiety here, but if she wasn’t the titleholder, I would image her blog would be a bit more open about the pressure she endures each day to always look beautiful always be happy and smile. That is something I applaud, they are the masters at wearing masks . It’s no wonder most go on to be news reporters or actresses. They have learned to internalize. I found it refreshing and the main reason I shared because having Miss America take her mask of for a moment was refreshing.

This hit me right in the heart, honestly. The phone calls bit perfectly describes my situation when my sister tried to force me into ordering out. I keep telling them that I can’t, but they she didn’t listen. Can’t really say it was her fault since she didn’t know about my anxiety at all, and that I just stayed quiet, I couldn’t say ‘calling people makes my stomach want to empty itself’, it just didn’t sound like a reason, even though I fully understand that I should’ve told her.

also, if I hear one more ‘you just think you’re socially anxious. It’s all in your head’, I’m gonna shank them.

My mom never understood my anxiety as a teen around phoning and placing an order for pizza. I can do it now, but whenever I go to make an important phone call to a new place, I get anxious and if I haven’t scripted it out, I stumble over my words. I’m sure I’ve missed job opportunities over being too scared to follow up.

If only happiness was a choice, eh! some people are so misguided when it comes to understanding that the illness is not about being happy or unhappy, but about being unwell rather than well – and that’s not a choice either!