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It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, but here comes the next part of my 30 day challenge with a twist. This time I’m supposed to write about a lesson I’ve learned the hard way.

I think the lesson that I have had to learn the hard way that has had the biggest effect on me is the fact that you can’t always trust people. I’ve had to learn how to live with betrayal from people I thought were my friends.

I’ve had many friends that have disappointed me and made me feel like I don’t matter as much to them as they do to me. That is a given, but betrayal of another kind I don’t appreciate.

Disappointment in people is a given. People just don’t always act the way you wished they did.

But when people betray your trust it is not as easy to get over. I had one friend that I told many secrets and when she one day decided we were not friends anymore I guess she felt that the secrecy of a friend no longer counted. She told people who I fancied and other stuff too. While people finding out who you fancy may not be a big deal to me now, it was to a 15-year old me. It felt like the biggest betrayal there could ever have been.

This betrayal is one of the biggest reasons I am nowadays quite cautious about what I tell people about myself and my life. It is kind of sad, but I have learned to live with it as a part of my personality.

This time I’m supposed to write a letter to anyone I like. I think I will write a letter as my Doctor Who role playing character to their significant other. They were on a mission that went a little sideways. My character ended up being separated from their friends and significant other and ran into the Doctor and some other people. My character, Ydheell, writes letters to Kohren, their significant other about their travels as a way of coping with the guilt that is gnawing at them. Here is one of them.

Dear Kohren,

I do not feel good about the way I acted today. I was really rude to a girl called Hailey. Although, for my defense, she was really mean to Alexis. I’ll tell you all about it.

I was already a little down as we descended into 21st century London. We had just recently said goodbye to Crescent and the crew and I missed them. It’s a little like missing you and the twins, although I know I can still call Crescent if I miss them too much. And I know they are happy and free. Yet I still miss them. I tried not to get so attached, but somehow Crescent and their salty ways wormed their way into my heart.

Anyway, we ended up in 21st century London, like I said. We hadn’t been there for long when we ran into this girl. She was wearing this weird science-pun t-shirt. I think I could’ve liked her if she wasn’t such a bitch almost from the start. We had barely even introduced ourselves when she already accused Alexis of being a cyborg! And no matter what we said she wouldn’t believe us. We even got a scientist to prove Alexis is not a cyborg and she still wouldn’t listen! She just continued being mean to Alexis. And you know how I feel about people assuming things just because of how somebody looks or where they come from. And I especially don’t like when people are mean to my traveling companions friends. As you know, I’ve grown quite fond of them. I admit, I was mean to her too, like telling her to go fuck herself but I was angry.

And then, when we were leaving, she snuck into the Tardis! Which, in itself is quite impressive. I mean, she snuck past the Doctor! But still, she could’ve asked…Although, I feel like we would’ve said no to her joining us. So maybe it’s better that she just snuck in. Although I still don’t approve. Now I have to live with her. At least she had the sense not to try and sleep in Crescent’s hammock. Anyway, that’s enough venting, I know what you’d say. “Try to be nice”. I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything. So, on to more pleasant things.

Teela, like the idiot she is went on a swim on the Thames. The water was really murky and disgusting. Something you not be swimming in. She got some information for us though, so I guess it was worth it.

We got to meet some interesting people too. We also got to see the Unit headquarters! It was cool. They had many neat gadgets. I also got to hug some Earth trees! I was a bit angry, so I thought it would help me relax. Although some people called me a hippie when I hugged that tree. But I think I read somewhere that that was a common word for tree-huggers in 21st century Earth, so I let it slide. I don’t think they meant it as an insult, just a word for my weird behavior.

The Doctor was acting a bit weird. Although he was a bit depressed to begin with what with our latest adventure and having to condemn a fellow Time Lord to live as a human.

We also called Crescent. I don’t know if they’re missing us as much as we miss them. Although we don’t know how much time has passed for them. Crescent wasn’t sure either. But Crescent has their crew so I think they’re okay. They told us to be nicer to Hailey. I think I’ll try. For Crescent. And for you, because I know you would say I need to give her a chance. So I will.

Busted is one of my favorite bands from my youth. I still love them and was extremely happy when I learned that they had gotten back together. This is not one of my favorite songs but they have many great songs.

I like this song, but I prefer the Michael Buble version. Although, be being sung by either of these men it brings the same feelings to the surface for me. The Michael Buble version just was my first connection to this song, so I guess that’s why I prefer it.

I like this song. When I was younger I didn’t know why I connected to this song so well, but now that I’m older and have let my inner nerd roam free I do. Although the song is about the pain of loving someone who does not appreciate the person being nerdy, I feel like I connect to this song. I am a nerd, not necessarily in the way the person in this song is, but some people still find being a nerd not attractive or don’t like nerds in general. I have embraced my nerdiness and couldn’t be happier.

To me this song is about embracing the moment and not worrying about the future. We make choices every day that influence our lives. Those chances make our life worth living. You should not be afraid of choosing a particular path just because it might be a mistake. I live my life with the philosophy that you regret the chances you didn’t more than those that you took and ended up being wrong for you.

This song reflected how I felt so well the last summer I worked at a local farm. My employer was such a bitch. I sometimes still feel like this when people are getting on my nerves, I just wanna say fuck this and give them the finger. So I love this song.

I found Fran Perea’s music while watching the tv-series Los Serranos. He soon became one of my favorite singers. While I do not listen to his music as much anymore, I still sometimes go back. It brings back memories of my youth. And they are one of the reasons I know any Spanish at all and wish to learn more.

Three Days Grace is my go to band when I’m feeling pissed. The genre is perfect for blowing off some steam. I also like the songs and this song in particular. I think Just Like You was the first song I heard from the band and I was hooked from the first moment. I pride myself on being different and not fitting a mold. That’s probably why this song speaks to me.

If I ever have children, I would like to think that I would be able to teach them more than three lessons but here are the three I feel are the most important.

1.Be Kind to Animals

This was one of the criteria to win my heart also. So I think it is clear that animals are important to me. To me, it is important to remember that the animals on our planet have just as much, maybe even more of a right to live their life. While they may not be as intelligent as us humans, they have every right to live on our planet. They just can’t justify their existence with words like we can.

Therefore, I would love to teach my children to be respectful and kind to all animals, no matter how bad their reputation is. Yet still be aware of the danger of wild animals.

2.Be Considerate of Others

I live my life trying to be kind and considerate to other people. That is not to say that I always succeed. I do not make fun of or judge people based on their sexual orientation, race, sex or other things. I get to know the person under all these tiny things and then make my judgement based on that. Of course there are people that irk me faster than others, but even then I try and be considerate and nice even though I don’t like them.

I would love for my children to learn that no matter where the people they meet come from or who they are or what they believe, they are still people and should be treated as such.

3. Money isn’t Everything

My family isn’t rolling in the money, so I’ve learned in my life that money isn’t everything. I had a happy childhood even though I didn’t have all the latest toys and gadgets.

I hope that my children would learn from me that money does not equal happiness. You can be happy without everything that money can buy. Material things don’t mean happiness. You can have everything you can imagine and still be miserable.

These three are the important lessons I would hope I would be able to teach my (hypothetical) children.

He was one of my first celebrity crushes, and boy did this crush last long. I first came across him and his band, McFly, while playing singstar with my Finnish baseball team. I liked the song and decided to look the band up later. That is how McFly became one of my favorite bands. I was in fifth grade.

Tom quickly became my favorite because of his boyish look and smile. He also had dimples! He also had a nice voice. Two of my friends also loved the band and they had their own favorites. I think this was the biggest reason my crush lasted so long. I had people who fanned the flame. I liked him until eight or ninth grade. Then he was replaced by others.

Tom Felton

Draco Malfoy. Need I say more? Tom Felton was probably my second celebrity crush and I still appreciate his handsomeness. I found him in the Harry Potter movies. Draco was, and still is, my favorite character. I can’t help but like the bad boys. Ever since the Harry Potter movies I have followed his career. I even watched the Rise of the Planet of the Apes just because he was in it. Even though I had vowed that I would not watch it. But I’m glad I did, since it is a great movie and the series is good. Can’t wait for the last movie to come out this summer.

The highlight of my life so far has been when my friend went to comic con in Montreal last summer and Felton was there. She was the best friend ever and paid herself sick to get me his autograph! It has a special place in my heart and she is nearly forever excused from getting me birthday- or Christmas presents.

Jake Abel

He is my ultimate celebrity crush. Once my friends said that the most likely crime I would get arrested doing would be breaking into his house. Gotta love my friends.

My first connection to Jake Abel was Supernatural. He was adorable as Adam. I only wished they would have brought him back for more episodes. Yet I don’t much care anymore since he has done so many other things I love.

To prove just how much I love him, I tell you this: I went to see Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters just because HE was in it. I also pushed my prejudice against Stephenie Meyer aside and went to see The Host. Which became one of my favorite movies. I also loved the book.

I still like him and will probably never stop liking him.

So, here are three of my celebrity crushes. I think these are the most important ones I’ve had in my life.

I haven’t had a first love yet in the traditional sense. I have not loved a person that is not a member of my family. I have had crushes but have not loved anyone. That is because I don’t believe you can love a person unless you know them. I’ve had crushes on classmates and celebrities, but I have not truly known these people. Therefore I have never had my first love in that sense.

However, I have loved many things in my life. I could say my first love was my first car or my first pet. I would probably say that it was my first pet, since I got her before I got my first car. And I do love her. So there, my first love is a cat.

She was born 9 years ago at my grandparents’ house. Her mom had just chosen to live with my grandparents. Seriously, my granddad had seen her around the yard several times and she had been keeping house in their woodshed and one evening my granddad decided that he would try and get her in to the house. She hasn’t left since. And I am glad for if she didn’t stay I would not have my baby.

Tintti had two sisters. They were born in February with the careful aiding of my granddad. That is one more thing that I cherish in Tintti, she is a precious connection to my granddad now that he is no longer with us. My cousin took the other two and Tintti would have been left for my grandparents so I talked my mom into taking her.

She is my precious thing. The first night she came with us, she hid under a cabinet and we looked her for hours. And finally she came out and walked onto my lap. It was love. And I still love her as much, if not more than I did that day. I’ve made precious memories with her and will make lots of more.

Curious and energetic, Sagittarius is one of the biggest travelers among all zodiac signs. Their open mind and philosophical view motivates them to wander around the world in search of the meaning of life.

Sagittarius is extrovert, optimistic and enthusiastic, and likes changes. Sagittarius-born are able to transform their thoughts into concrete actions and they will do anything to achieve their goals.

Like the other fire signs, Sagittarius needs to be constantly in touch with the world to experience as much as possible. The ruling planet of Sagittarius is Jupiter, the largest planet of the zodiac. Their enthusiasm has no bounds, and therefore people born under the Sagittarius sign possess a great sense of humor and an intense curiosity.

Freedom is their greatest treasure, because only then they can freely travel and explore different cultures and philosophies. Because of their honesty, Sagittarius-born are often impatient and tactless when they need to say or do something, so it’s important to learn to express themselves in a tolerant and socially acceptable way.

I don’t know about my strengths, but I think the weaknesses fit me quite well. I am impatient an more often than not speak before I think. I am honest, and while I try to be kind, sometimes I end up hurting people with my words.

From the likes of Sagittarius I can say I agree with at least three. I like my freedom. That’s probably one of the biggest reasons I enjoy being single and am not in a hurry to get into a relationship. I also enjoy the freedom of living on my own, away from my parents. So much so that spending holidays with my parents can sometimes feel like hell. I would also love to travel all over the world. Having grown with grandparents that live in the country, I also love the nature and being outdoors.

The dislikes are also quite well suited for me. I don’t like people who cling to me, I appreciate my personal space and I want my own time. I don’t like people putting constrictions on me, I like to be me and not apologize for it. I want to do what I want and not conform to society’s wants.

I’m not an extrovert. Although, when I know the people I am with I am quite loud and express myself freely. But I don’t necessarily like meeting new people.

I am energetic, optimistic, curious and enthusiastic. My friends often wonder at my optimism. I’ve just decided that life’s to short to be pessimistic about everything. I am usually energetic and hype. Although I have my lethargic days too. I am curious and like learning new things. I love languages and learning about new cultures. Nothing is better than acquiring a new skill. I also get overly enthusiastic about things. Simple things and big things, on a regular basis.

I don’t know about my sense of humor but I’d like to think I have a great one.

I don’t know what I could say to this. I don’t miss much of anything. Most things that are worth missing, I try to keep close to me. My friends and family are always a phone call or a text message away. At the moment, I am staying with my parents for the summer, so it’s more like I would love to get away from them for a while. My kittycat is also here, so I don’t miss her like I usually do.

If I have to pick one thing, I would probably say that I miss my late grandparents. I only have one living grandparent, my grandma, alive, so I sometimes miss the others. There are many things I would be doing and experiencing with them if they were still here.

My granddad from my mother’s side loved crossword puzzles before he got alzheimer’s. That would probably be something I would share with him were he still alive. He also always bought me and my sister sweet peas and strawberries for our name days which are only about a week apart in the summer. It is a tradition that I sorely miss.

My grandma from my mother’s side was a craft-person. She was a seamstress and she was always knitting or crocheting something. This would be something we would probably share. I love all kinds of crafts and I feel like she could have taught me many things if she was still here. I miss all the missed opportunities of learning I could have had with her had she lived longer. But alas, she died when I was about 13 and had no particular interest in crafts yet.

My granddad from my father’s side was a working man. He was always doing something. He built the house he lived with my grandmother in before I was born. He was, and still is, my inspiration for doing my best. When he got sick, the thing that got to him the most was the fact that he could not do the things that he could before, like shoveling the snow during the winter or splitting firewood. We all could see how much it pained him not to be able to do those things. I miss the man who was always loving and did his best.

This time I’m supposed to bullet-point my whole day. So here goes nothing:

Wake up –> I had forgotten to switch off the alarm on my phone so I woke up at 7.30. Although I just went back to sleep.

Actually get up –> at around ten am. after reading some fanfiction from my phone.

Watched season finale of Once Upon a Time –> I’m behind on many series and this was one of them. Can I just say, I wish it would have ended to this season?

Some school work –> I don’t have any classes anymore, but I still have to finish up my BA thesis.

Watch some more TV and knitting a security blanket for my godson.

Read and listen to some music –> A Sookie Stackhouse book and country music 🙂

Watch some more TV –> on to BBT

Going to the store with my parents –> needed some kitty litter and yarn. Also food

Waiting for my brother-in-law to come and check on dad’s computer –> if he comes alone, I’ll go straight out with friends to play some board games, if he comes with my sister and godson, I’ll stay and go after they leave if my friends are still there.