The last day of November already. Thank you November for all the great memories you helped us create. Your fall colors were spectacular, and you topped off a perfect month with some early winter snow. :)

One month left in my 2010 365, a photo a day for 365 days. I have thoroughly enjoyed this project, and am proud of me for not missing one single day! I will continue this annual project for 2011...and every year beyond that. It is good to stop, snap a photo or two or ten...and make each day a day to remember.

Back to school for Blake and I. Today Miss Lilly is learning a little too. She decided that she wanted her castle as close to Blakey as possible, so it now resides under his desk.

Who needs an alarm clock with Miss Lilly? Not me! I let her out for her morning business, then she runs straight to Blake when she comes in. With her cold paws walking all over him, he wakes up pretty easily.

Hope you like my new Holiday blog template, I had fun creating it last night. With my new found insight, I will have more time for graphics fun. I miss it.

Home school was definitely better this morning. I did not feel the pressure to have the boys all done by a certain time because ordinarily my class would start at 5pm and run until 11pm. That added with at least 4 hours on one of my other projects, getting in at least two on my chat project and taking calls from my medical clients would make Monday through Friday seem like a hectic blur. I withdrew from the class this morning, and did not schedule any hours for the chat project, so I feel much less stressed and hurried. I was able to thoroughly enjoy my learning coach position. Teaching the boys is fun, and it should be.

Here Blake is getting a "bird's eye" view on some of his math problems. It would have been boring to sit at the desk rather than on it...lol :)

My photo of the day is one of my Christmas plates. I have four that we purchased several years ago. They as so cute!

I am feeling amazing today! Last night, it was hard to sleep, but when I finally went to sleep, I had the best dreams. Dreams, messages, subconscious screaming at me this blur of ideas and "light bulb" moments. It was so bizarre, and I woke up completely exhausted....but with the most clarity I have had in a very long time.

The most important message I remember was that I do not have to constantly be moving at 100 miles per hour. Four part time jobs, home schooling, 20 hours a week of classes for another project, it is completely insane and I have to stop trying to do it all. I need to work, so I can keep the most lucrative and flexible jobs, but drop the class, drop one of the current projects, and concentrate on being a mom and learning coach for the boys and still leave time for me to breathe rather than sleeping 4 hours every two days. It has gotten completely out of hand and most definitely taking its toll on all of us. Casey and Blake are amazing, creative, funny and loving young men, I need to STOP and spend more time celebrating them rather than running myself absolutely ragged.

Another message was that I have to stop carrying the burden of trying to resolve all of my problems yesterday. I have to give it my best shot, then step back and relax. Getting worked up, hurt, angry and frustrated resolves nothing! Playing stupid games and participating in unproductive emotional tug-o-war is a ridiculous waste of time. My family is real, we are not delusional nor have we ever been. We love what we have. It is warm, it is sincere, it is full of challenges and the need for extreme patience but it is beautiful and I am very proud of us! My children who choose to remain on the outside, so be it. I have said it once, I have said it a million times, the front door is open, we love you, I love you, but I am not to blame for your emotional baggage. You choose to carry it and it closes you off, but that is your choice not mine.

It is much easier to open and walk through any door when you put the baggage down...and your hands are free. I am putting the baggage down, and the feeling is amazing. You should give it a try.

I have decided that e-book readers are evil! It is far too easy for me to stay up all night reading. I glanced at the clock last night after reading my book and it was flashing at me "6:27 AM", oye vey! Thank God it is Saturday, and I have no work scheduled for today. Well, that is not completely true, I have a ton of homework to complete by Monday for my class, and even more organizing to do for the boy's lessons. Oh well...there is always tomorrow. Yes, I am the queen of procrastination!

It is snowing today, and I hope it never stops. The boys and I love snow and winter and did I mention snow? It is our favorite season, especially this year that we do not have to school outside of the home.

Of course with snow comes shenanigans...

The face of an angel, and the mind of a stinker!

I am outside in shorts, boots and a t-shirt taking pictures, and this little stinker...erhmmm angel sneaks up on mama and attacks her with snowballs! He chased me around the yard lobbing snowballs at me. By the time he was done I was covered with cold wet snow! It was pretty funny, the neighbors must think I am nuts....I don't care. :)

Then we came inside, shared some pumpkin pie and a snuggle. I do love my little stinker. Never a dull moment with mister Blake.

"Someday it will be you and me and Meagan and Matt and Casey and Brandon and Amber and Garrett and Kori and daddy and all the dogs out there having a snowball fight! You think that will ever happen mommy?"

This morning I woke to discover that someone or something had knocked the Christmas tree over. I righted it, and Blake and I fixed all the ornaments and I never gave it a second thought...until now!

Ducati and Dozer have both decided it is their favorite place to snooze...under the Christmas tree. Not a big deal for Ducati, and he might knock down an ornament or two as he gets up to leave. Dozer however, OOF! When he stands up the tree rocks, then he finishes the job with his wagging tail. lol

I have been really sad today. :( I woke up this morning and realized it would have been my mom's 80th birthday. I miss her so much, and know that with her here still in my life, so many things would be different. At least I know that with all the pain and sadness I have experienced this past year, she would at least have been there for me with kind words of wisdom and so much love. My mom was my hero. She lived with the same disease I am fighting now for as long as I can remember, and she did so with courage and grace. Because of her, I have never let my illness get me down. Thank you mom! And I hope the cake in heaven was delightful. Love and hugs to you from down here in life, and make sure daddy does not eat too much cake. :*)

Last night was an extremely stressful night for me. My oldest son had decided to drive up to Sun Valley to take care of some personal business, and he left just after 6pm. With the snow, ice and low temperatures, it would be a dangerous and treacherous proposition up in the mountains, but it is not like I can tell my 22 year old son, "No, you can't go." So I gave him a great big hug and kiss, said "I love you", please call me when you arrive, and when you leave for home so I can make sure you are safe, and for God's sake, please wear your seat belt!

He did arrive safely, and called me when he arrived. Then he sent me a text to let me know he was leaving to come home shortly after midnight. With a 2 - 3 hour drive time, I knew he would be within cell signal or at least close to home by 3am at the latest. But no. I tried calling him until almost 5am, and it went to voice mail every time. Needless to say I was frantic beyond words. He finally called just after 6am, he was back in town, cell phone was dead, and his truck had broken down. :( The personal business he had to attend to was SO not worth the danger he put himself in. I was happy to hear from him, and so angry with him at the same time. I have enough gray hair son...mama does not need any more!

What is the moral of this story? For me it brought home the fact that life in this world is completely unpredictable. You can be here one minute, and by some freak act of nature, drive or slide your truck off of a cliff in snow and zero degree temperatures, and never be seen again. No chance to say I am sorry to all the people you have wronged, no chance to say I love you to everyone who has touched and warmed your heart, no chance to say "Thank You" to all the people who have been there for you, and made life such a wonderful thing. In a split second, it is over and done. *sigh*

So what is a mother to do? This morning I told my friends that I was thankful that God blessed me with a great sense of humor. Dealing with the young adults in my life would otherwise have me in a deep depression, or taking a very long walk off of a very short pier. They have lost sight of what is precious in life. They believe they are indestructible, and life is one big party or video game and there is plenty of time to do things right...later. What they don't realize is that it is very possible that "later" will never come. Then what?

"Do I laugh? Do I cry?" Last night I chose tears. Tears because I was worried sick about Garrett, tears because I am so angry with the person causing him all this stress, tears because my son Brandon, nor my daughter Meagan took two seconds out of their busy life to wish their own family a Happy Thanksgiving. That not only hurt me very deeply, but hurt their little brothers very deeply as well. But I also know that carrying around baggage filled with anger, hate, hurt, stress, confusion, animosity or anything else negative, takes away from all the good positive joy in life, so it makes no sense to do that. Life, if you really think about it, is so short and passes so quickly. I want to spend my days loving and laughing, not crying and depressed...so it is time to concentrate on laughter. The best medicine after all. :)

And mom, if there is the "World Wide Web" in heaven, and you happen to be following my blog, I felt your presence with me last night. I felt your warmth, I felt your wisdom and above all...I felt your love. Happy Birthday mom, I love you.

The dynamic duo of the dog world, the beauty and the beast, the Fred and Ginger, the Dozer and the Diva. Just about the cutest couple on the block...Dozer and Miss Lilly.

He is patient, loving and just about the sweetest dog I have ever met. She is neurotic, hyper, demanding and finicky, but I have never been owned by such a loyal and hopelessly devoted canine. (Even when she is sticking her tongue out at me!) Love them!

Supra, even though he is just visiting, and he drives me absolutely insane with his huge and goofy antics. I love the way he comes into my room and puts that big soft face up to mine and you can't help but scratch his soft velvety ears. He loves that, and he loves us.

And last but not least, the boss-man himself. He has style, he has grace and he is large and in charge. Okay, maybe small in in charge? He reminds me every day the loyalty and love that a dogs brings.

So Happy Thanksgiving to our furry family. We love them very much, and saved a little turkey just for them!

We had a wonderful day today. Jack started cooking at the crack of dawn, and the house filled with amazing smells! Silly me never went to sleep, another night of reading a great book. Yes, I am pretty exhausted about now. :)

We enjoyed a white Thanksgiving with snow on the ground, and although the temperature was bitter cold, it made being in a safe warm home something to be thankful for.

The food was delicious as always, herb and orange encrusted turkey, stuffed with fresh vegetables rather than stuffing. We did have yummy stuffing, but Jack prepared that separately. He also made fresh green beans, asparagus, peas and crescent rolls. With some cranberries on the side it was the perfect meal!

Steaming turkey!

I served Blake his plate...

...complete with the wishbone of course...

...he decided he needed a little more turkey please! :)

Casey has been suffering with a terrible cold for weeks, bless his heart. But he did enjoy the day with sniffles and all. Ducati stayed by his side to make sure he was a-okay.

I was so thankful to have Garrett with us for Thanksgiving. Of course he would not let me take his picture, so I did what every good mother does...and snapped a picture when he was not looking! He was busy concentrating on the wiring for some sort of amp or boost of stereo thingamabob. lol

Then Blake bundled up and went outside. He came in and asked me for the camera because he had created a surprise for me!

A perfect snow angel complete with halo. :)

Today was a little bittersweet. This is the first year of holiday celebrations without a call to or from my sisters. Things are still strained between the three of us and that makes me very sad. I love them both very much and hope this will change.

I am so thankful for my life, our life, for my husband Jack, my precious Garrett, Casey and Blake and all the blessings God has given us. I pray that my daughter Meagan, son in law Matthew, son Brandon and girlfriend Amber had a blessed and joyous day. I missed them and love them very much.