Would you like a cookie?

Sunday, February 09, 2014

I decided that I need to get serious about eating majority of my calories from whole foods and cut way back on the junk. I have been tracking my food and although I am eating a lot of fruits, vegetables, and grains, I am still getting way too many calories from junk food.

The other day we were shopping at Costco and I was looking for the Graham Crackers and lo and behold, a box of those European Cookies were sitting right next to them. If you read my previous blogs you would know that my self-control is nonexistent when it comes to those cookies; such little cookies with so much power.

My dear hubby had to buy a box. Arrrrrrgh! A lot of them have hazelnut and coffee in them and he is allergic so he gives me those cookies. And me, with no self-control takes them and eats them. This box had wafer cookies I was craving that kind and resisted buying some for three trips to the store.

He puts a box in the cart and when we get home I tell him I do not want to eat those cookies. So he puts them away out of my sight. Then the next morning, I tell him that I am going to try to watch my carb intake because I was eating too much junk food. Not more than 20 minutes later he is asking me if I want a cookie.

Really? Do I want a cookie even before I had breakfast and I just told him I wanted to cut back on eating carbs in the form of junk food? Wow! Thanks for your support.

This adds to my frustration. And yes, I did eat them, but it was much later in the day. It would be so much easier if we would both have the same goal of eating healthier. He needs to lose weight and makes no effort to do so. I once asked him why he does not make the effort to eat better and he told me it was because I did not cook all of his meals for him. In other words, in his eyes it is my fault that he is overweight and does not eat healthy foods.

I have tried to be supportive of him; first it is difficult for him to prep the vegetables for a salad because of his pain issues. I recognized that and cut and washed lettuce, greens, onions, peppers, and so on. I put them in the fridge and told him the meal was all ready for him to grab and eat. The veggies wasted. Ok, so that did not work even though it was his suggestion to have it all prepped and ready to go. Instead, he’ll make eggs, sausage and hash browned potatoes, anything that is higher calorie dense than the vegetables.

The truth of the matter is that he is not willing to make the necessary changes on his own. He wants me to do it for him. Some years ago, we followed a plan by Jonnie Bowden and we both lost a lot of weight. However, the plan eliminated beans, high starch vegetables, grains, and nuts and seeds. He developed kidney stone after kidney stone and ended up having to have surgery to remove one that was stuck.

It was too much protein. The recommendation was to eat a lean protein every time you ate; with all the eliminations that only left animal products. Then I read the China Study and realized that much animal products were not good for a body. We added the beans and grains back into our diet and for some odd reason, we also added the junk food.

It is like a snowball being rolled downhill, getting bigger as the momentum picks up speed. I’ll just have one, then another, and another until the package is empty. It is what I call empty bag syndrome, don’t have just one, keep eating until the bag is empty. I developed this disease in my teenage years and it is still with me today.

Now, it would be so much easier to cast the blame and say my hubby made me eat those cookies. After all, I told him I did not want to eat them and he offered them to me anyway. He even put some in a bag and then placed the bag where I would see it. But it all comes down to those thoughts in my head and the decision I choose to make: to eat or not to eat.

Despite the obstacles put in my path, it is ultimately my choice. Although it is being made easy for me to give in to the temptation, I am in control of my destiny. It is too easy for me to give in to my desire and then point my finger and say it is my husband’s fault because he put the cookies in my path. Just like I am not to blame for what he eats, he is not to blame for what I eat.

And to quote Rip Esselstyn from the Engine 2 Diet p.94 “Take strength from knowing how healthy you are becoming. Remember, in this country, one out of every three people in obese, and one out of every two will die of heart disease. You are now eating in such a way that you need never fear becoming a statistic—and will be free of the grip of the Western diseases that are debilitating so many Americans.”

Wow, I just found this blog and all I can say is that I could have written it myself except for the kidney stones. My husband brings the same European cookies home from Costco. Would you believe that we have about 15 pints of ice cream in the freezer? Some are unopened and others are almost gone, but 15 pints of ice cream nonetheless. I have asked him not to bring that stuff into the house, and of course he will not accommodate me. However, in the last few weeks I have had a major attitude adjustment, and I am finally seeing some success. Mainly I am telling myself that in spite of everything he is not forcing me to overeat' I am doing it by myself. I have also convinced myself that there is no point to eating ice cream late at night and that I will eat fruit (or possibly some dark chocolate) if I want something. A few years ago I told him not to get me any candy for Christmas. He did, and I got mad at him. Then he got mad at me for being mad.

He is more physically active than I am, and he actually has lost weight in recent years. But he eats so much unhealthy food (high sugar, high fat, and a lot of processed meats, like bacon and sausage). And asking if I want cookies after me saying that I am trying to cut that stuff out is something he would do, too.