All too often these days, adults seem to dismiss the longings and feelings of a boy, as if his youth somehow diminishes them, or the very depth of the pain that he suffers. If nothing else, the thing about being a boy that always keeps him going, is the pure innocence that comes from his heart. But no matter which way you slice it, there is one undeniable constant about being a boy. And that is, quite simply, you have very little control over your life and the varying things that often happen in it. You may think you do, you may even think you have choices which give you options, but the very sad truth is, most of the big decisions or events that affect you are well and truly beyond your control.

Poor Carl was becoming more and more aware of that fact by the second. The large, but thin, second’s hand ticking over on the clock behind the administration counter, was certainly doing him no favours either. Not too mention the disgusted and disapproving looks he was getting from the school’s administrator. Carl was sure that if she’d had her way, he’d be well on his way to death row by now. It was almost as if time was mocking him, while he sat there watching his classmates troupe one after the other into the principal’s office. Even though it was only the few that had had direct contact with the fight at the time it was stopped, there just seemed to be no end of them. It also seemed that all could do was sit and wait for his turn.

His only real comfort through this whole mess, was the soft warm hand that had held his own. Feeling the steady gentle thumps, marking the beats of the heart that held him in the highest regard, that was his center, his peace, his calm if you will. Like always, he used those beats like a metronome, and in so doing, was able to slow his own racing heart rate. Or at least he had been able to, up until about ten minutes ago that is, when even that was taken away from him. Like all the rest and Corey immediately before him, Dale had been called in to see the principal. All he had left now, was the dull echo and the silence that consumed his mind. Being left alone with your thoughts like that, can be very troublesome, especially when you have ample time to reflect, and reflect young Carl did. He realised through several minutes of deep pondering, that fourteen had become somewhat the focal point of his life.

Just before he turned fourteen, some very big and weird changes occurred in his life. None of them were expected, and his life, well, it certainly changed forever. Up until that time he’d been a fairly normal boy, or at least he’d thought so. He was a decent sportsman, he’d even had a few girlfriends, and though he was also fairly passable with his schoolwork, none of that had left him fulfilled. That is, not until that fateful afternoon on the last day of school the year before. Over the year that followed, Carl had sort of grown into himself, he accepted and learned to love what he had become, he just wasn’t really ready for anybody else to know about it yet, especially not the whole school. He definitely could have done with not having to undergo the visual attack of the ancient woman behind the counter either, what with her beady eyed stare and hate fuelled disapproval.

Carl was gay, he knew that, and if pushed he could probably think back and discover he’d always been that way. And though they hadn’t really discussed coming out in any kind of serious way, it’s not like he and Dale wanted to hide it for the rest of their lives. Sure there was some people that knew, a few close friends, immediate family, but they both knew at some point, they wanted to be able to be themselves outside of their comfortable home life. Not in the “I’m here, I’m queer, so deal with it!” kind of way, no that wasn’t their style at all. It was more the case of “I’m here, I’m queer, I wanna live a normal life so please just leave me the fuck alone” kind of way. Having said that though, they both had hoped to keep it a secret, well, at least until they were out of high school any way.

That may have been a bit to much to ask, given the circumstances, but they felt that, in this case, overreaching was better than dealing with the daily insults and fights that they thought they’d have to endure until they went off to college. Besides, to them it shouldn’t have mattered and it didn’t really, but then it shouldn’t have mattered to anyone else either, because to be honest, it was none of anyone else’s business to begin with. Of course, now that his stupid insane brother had put the end to any of those plans they might have had, both Carl and Dale had to deal with the fallout. And just like sitting there waiting to be called to his doom, Carl was discovering that dealing with that fallout, was not the most comfortable place to be.

“Carl…? Come in and sit down.”

Feeling his fear wash over him in a panic, Carl started to tremble, before he looked up to see Mr Mason smiling at him from the doorway to the inner office. The smile was genuine, which was somewhat comforting to the now visibly shaking boy, but it still wasn’t enough to completely alleviate the fear which seemed to wrap him like a winters heavy blanket. Seeing this and knowing all too well what it meant, as Carl stepped through the door, Mr Mason placed his arm subtly over the boy’s shoulder as if to lend some support. The principal, Mr Weller, however, didn’t even look up from the papers on his desk. To Carl, it felt like that women behind the counter was finally getting her way and he was being lead slowly but surely towards his execution.

Minutes seemed to pass without end, while he sat in front of that large and intimidating desk, his hands sweaty and impatient, writhing together out of the fear he was now trying desperately to suppress, and still his principal had said nothing. He was in the wrong, he knew it, and what’s worse, he’d hit a teacher. As far as he was concerned, he’d be lucky to escape with just an expulsion.

Carl’s head had been down in shame while he was lead into the office and continued to be for some time, so he hadn’t noticed them at first. But now with boredom taking over, he looked up and around the room. What greeted him from the sofa on the far wall, was the heart warming smiles of two twin boys. More than they could possibly realise, the mere fact of their presence did more to calm poor Carl than anything he would have hoped for at that moment.

Looking up finally, having finished reading through the boy’s personal file and following the direction of Carl’s eye line, Mr Weller could very much understand what he was feeling. A small tentative smile on the boy’s face, was evidence of something so much more than it conveyed to the outside observer. However, knowing the probable outcome of this meeting, that just made it all the harder for the aging Junior High School Principal.

Weller had been an educator since he’d left the Army in ’72, using the G.I. Bill to get his degree. In those thirty three years, he’d seen a great many changes within the system. Sure, for the most part, the individual students had stayed pretty much the same, but the attitudes had changed drastically. It seemed to him, the kids of today were growing up far too fast. As if the problems that had been commonplace in high school students, had now become those of his own students. Kids were starting things much earlier, puberty with it’s raging hormones, sex, underage pregnancy, drugs, gangs, the list was almost endless. When he thought about it closely, all he found was that he was very saddened by the fact and couldn’t help but wonder when it would end. Seeing the boys looking at each other the way they were though, he felt the need to clarify…

“I’ve allowed your friends to stay young man, but they’ve been instructed in no uncertain terms to remain silent during these proceedings… Mr Sommers…”

“Um sorry sir… but it’s Trevallian now…”

“So it is… well… do you care to explain yourself… Mr Trevallian?” The Principal asked.

And so he did, young Carl laid it all out, everything that had happened from the start of day, the numerous quiet but barbed comments, the small but strong shoves in the corridor, then what he’d seen in the courtyard starting with the rock, and the fight that came after it. As he went through the events that brought them all there together in that room, the whole time the principle looked at him very closely. It’s not that Weller didn’t believe Carl, he did, it was just that he couldn’t quite get his head around the viciousness of the situation.

“So let me get this clear… you didn’t actually see Evans throw the rock…?”

“No sir… I didn’t… but I did see him with a rock… and the look on his face… he threw it sir… I know he did…”

“I’m sorry to say young man… but that’s hardly proof… though, what do you mean look… what kind of look…?” Weller replied, desperately looking for more. He knew that if he could get just enough, then Evans would more than likely hang himself later.

“Well sir… it was kinda smug I guess… self satisfied… like he’d just won something…”

The Principal took a deep calming breath, even if he could prove it, there was just so little that he could do. He knew the boy wasn’t bad, the file on his desk was enough evidence of that. Not to mention that one of his teachers had done everything he could to protect him, almost to the point of lying about the incident, but that didn’t change things, the school rules were very clear. Even if the fight was justified, at the time, it seemed to Weller, that he really had only one course of action open to him.

“Do you have anything to say to Mr Mason?”

“Yes sir, I do.” Carl said as he turned to his English teacher, “I’m really sorry Mr Mason… I didn’t mean to hit you, I was just so… I don’t know… out of it I guess… I just I lost it… I wasn’t really thinking just reacting… I didn’t know if you were one of Eddie’s friends or not… it was just reflexes in the heat of the moment and I’m really, really sorry.”

“I would have done the same thing kiddo… in the heat of the moment that is… I accept your apology.” Mason said, smiling down at the still fearful boy.

“Thank you sir…” Carl replied, hanging his head again, his apology had been heartfelt and honest, but he still didn’t think it was enough.

“I know how it is in a fight too young man…” Said Weller. “So, like Mr Mason here, I won’t hold it against you either… but what you did is unacceptable no matter how you chose to look at it.”

Cameran Trevallian was a man of almost thirty three years of age. Had lead a successful, somewhat distinguished, career serving his country in the Navy, as a pilot, then a seal. Danger, death, destruction and fear, all of these and many more were common things to him. So really, he had to wonder, while walking slowly through the relatively quiet, certainly lonely, halls of his charge’s middle school, why did he get that all too familiar, though unerring feeling of being a guilty little boy again? Oh sure, he was on his way to see the principal, and yes it was over something very serious, or so he’d been told, but he just couldn’t shake his own feelings of guilt ridden mischievousness, he’d thought long forgotten in his somewhat misspent youth. Not to mention that strong sense of dread, the one where you know real deep down that you’re not getting out of this one unscathed.

For over six years now, Cam had had the immutable pleasure of being the primary caregiver to two very beautiful, loving and gentle boys, and in that time they had never really given him any cause for concern, well, not at school anyway. They were both studious, in their own ways of course, both respectful of their peers and teachers. Invariably, as with all growing boys, there were a few run-ins, a detention here or there, various good bad or indifferent comments made at ‘Parent/Teacher’ conferences, but never this. Not once in all that time had Cam been called out of work to the Principal’s office. He was at a loss, to be fair, certainly he hadn’t expected the reception he’d so far received. The quiet of the long lonely halls had worried him, but the lack of an ambulance was a good sign. An ‘Accident’ he’d been told, but of what nature still eluded him. That alone was enough to keep him in a feeling of strong unease.

Upon entering the administration office, he’d sought out any information he could. Through the quick, terse conversation with the large and none too pleasant administrator, he’d learned something of his boys fate, though that did little to settle his nerves. Now sitting on a slightly undersize chair outside the door of the middle school’s principal, for the first time in his life as a parent, he realised, that he’d never really been in quite this position. And as such, he had absolutely no idea what to expect. These feelings he was having were nothing compared to the fear of combat, or even the scared rush you get as you’re thrust off of the deck of an aircraft carrier. Yet at the same time, they seemed somehow worse. Mulling it over, rolling it round and round in his head, he got that doomed sense only the unknown brings.

Taking what time he had, not knowing when he’d get to see the boys, or the principal for that matter, he started to turn the day over in his mind. That morning Cam just couldn’t concentrate. He’d seen the look on Carl’s face when he dropped the boys off at school. There was a certain element of finality to that look, so much so, it had set the little hairs on the back of his neck on edge. And in so doing, it took everything he had not to just pull the boy into his arms, perhaps he should have. He knew that if it had been within his power, he would’ve had no trouble granting Carl’s wish, but the simple fact of the matter was, he couldn’t. All he could think about was the worry that suffused every inch of his being, and in turn, his own worry for his boys.

Luckily for Cam, or perhaps not so luckily, it all depends greatly on your point of view, he’d been heading back to his office when the school called, the call that all good parents dread. Walking through the door of the outer office, the one which marked the boundary of his territory, was in fact, a moment he’d been looking forward to all morning. Even when taking that very first step out of his classroom, Cam could feel it building, a sense of anticipation, bordering on excitement. A feeling that built with every step he took, the sheer euphoria that swept through his body, knowing that he would soon lay eyes on the man he loved. It was quite seriously, almost more than he could bear. In fact, not to put to fine a point on it, every day for the last few weeks had been like that. But it would soon be over, Danny’s resignation period was coming quickly to an end, that Friday would be his last day.

A touch of sadness set in, when he realised that he’d definitely miss those moments, the ones where their eyes meet for the briefest but first time, each time. Although, Cam was desperately looking forward to when he could look upon the young man who’d become his lover, and not have to worry about acting in a manner that some would see as inappropriate. He was going to miss not seeing him at work, it was one of the true highlights of his day. If truth be told, every single time Cam looked at Danny, he had to fight very hard not to just pick him up and hold him tightly, screaming out his love to the world.

When their eyes met that morning though, there was something different… Something was most definitely wrong, the ashen look on young Danny’s face, soon put an end to any happy giddy feelings. At once it was all to evident that something in the range of ‘So not good’ had happened. Immediately, Cam’s instincts kicked in forcing him not to panic, he was still deeply concerned, but there would be plenty of time for that later. Instead, his cool tactical mind started to weigh up some likely options. Being called to his boy’s school, funnily enough, never actually made it to that list until Danny delivered his news…

“The boy’s Principal wants to see you… there’s been some kind of an accident…”

“FUCK!… What happened?” Cam said, as he felt the strength leave his knees.

In a rush, he stumbled, more than stepped up to Danny’s desk, suddenly needing something very sturdy to lean on.

“They didn’t say… all they said was you should come in as soon as you can…” Danny said, and taking a risk, he slid his arm surreptitiously over his lovers shoulder, desperately seeking to convey some sense of support. “Go… I’ll tell the Captain…”

“Tell the Captain what?” Came the deep baritone voice from behind them, causing them both to jump apart in fear.

Captain James Stewart stood there, barely suppressing the grin he was so desperate to display, instead forcing a grim scowl over his face to cover his mirth. This of course did nothing to lessen the attack of anxiety that both the younger men were feeling. Stewart had been around the block a few times and he’d very quickly made the right assumption about those two several weeks ago, and wasn’t even overly concerned when he’d just caught them in what to all intents and purposes could only be seen as a loving embrace. In his years as a sailor, he’d seen that kind of behaviour many times… It was after all only natural, long months spent at sea, men do have needs.

“Jesus Skipper… You scared us half to death…” Cam said, in a valiant attempt to lower his heart rate.

“So I noticed…” Stewart replied, his hands held still firmly on his hips.

“Sir… I… What you saw…” Danny tried to explain, but was cut off.

“At ease sailor… what you do in your off hours is none of my business… or the Navy’s for that matter… but when here, try to act a little more professional…” Stewart remarked, that mischievous grin finally breaking out across his face chasing the scowl away, as the two younger men both heaved a sigh of great relief. “Now… what was it you wanted to tell me?”

“It’s the boys Skipper… there’s been an accident at school…”

“Go then… but I can’t keep covering for you like this Cameran… as tough as this sounds, one of these days you’ll have to decide whether it’s the Navy or your boys… and for the Navy I’m sorry to say, I know which one’ll win.”

“You’re right Skipper… if it comes to that, it’s the boys first… no question.”

“Thanks skipper.” Was all Cam was able to say, he gave Danny a quick apologetic look, before mustering what strength he had left to head to his jeep.

* * *

The three boys shuffled through the door, Carl being last out. As he closed the door behind him, he could’ve sworn he heard Weller calling Eddie, “… that little prick”. He’d only just caught it, and couldn’t be sure, but even still, he felt a small sense of satisfaction none the less. But as it turns out, it didn’t matter very much, because he saw where the twins were headed, Cam was outside waiting for them and his heart swelled for the first time since all this happened. As soon as he saw his boys, Cam stood and lucky for him too, because he was soon swamped by three warm bodies all in desperate need of some form of comfort right then.

For his part, Eddie had sat relatively quietly in the corner the whole time. Gone was any kind of audience, so gone too was the brash loudmouth boy that most knew him as, in his place was a very scared timid boy, who was far too unsure of himself. Desperately he’d tried to think of any way to get himself out of the predicament he now found himself in, sadly, nothing was coming to mind. He knew he’d really fucked up, he’d thought Carl and the twins would be easy meat, but he’d very quickly learned the error of that assessment, problem was, he just couldn’t help himself. And even when Mr Mason had come out to fetch him, after all that had happened, when Eddie was taken into the principals office past Cam and the boys, again he couldn’t help himself, and he just had to get in one last little dig…

“Faggots…” He said, under his breath.

Cam could feel his blood start to boil at that comment, but his anger wasn’t allowed to come to fruition, as without even realising it, Mason seemed to cut him off. With a none too subtle clap to the back of Eddie’s head, he said…

“You better check that attitude of yours son… you’re in enough trouble already.” And with that the door closed behind them.

Now that Carl was finally able to sink into the arms of the men he loved most in this world, or any other for that matter, all the stress and worry he’d been experiencing over the last hour or so, finally let itself out and he just simply melted into the warm loving embrace. Even though it didn’t last, he still took a great deal of comfort from it. That is until Cam looked at him with that look that only a parent knows how to employ, the “I’ve just been dragged out of office so this better be good, and you damn well better tell me what the hell this is all about” look. And once again, that was exactly what he did, though this time, he had some help from the twins. By the end of it, Cam found himself appalled, he was about to get up and give the principal a piece of his mind, when in walked Eddie’s mother.

You could have heard that proverbial pin drop, and the temperature, though it remained constant, still felt as though it had dropped several points within the confines of the room.

“YOU!!… Can’t you just leave my family alone!” She said, pointing a bony finger at the Trevallian boys.

You could see the blood visibly rising across her face, a face that was more than just a little careworn. So much so that anyone with half a brain, or sense of empathy, could see that she’d had it hard for the past however long. But Cam knew a little more than most, having been present when her husband was tried as a suspected pedophile a few weeks before. Cam had even given testimony as a character witness for the prosecution, so to him at least, her little outburst was not without warrant. Still didn’t change anything though, and before she could make good on any of the many and various threats running through her mind at the time, she was quickly ushered into Weller’s office, by the administrator.

It all went quiet for a while after that, but soon they started to hear raised voices through the door, most notably that of Mrs Evans. Having exchanged looks with his boys, and those still left in the outer office, it became all too clear to Cam, that she was not at all happy with the treatment her young boy had received thus far. By the end, both voices had become very clear, and any and all who were even remotely close to the office would have been able to hear. At the last she was obviously getting desperate, but Weller was having none of it, that didn’t stop her from trying though when she screamed out at the top of her lungs…

“How dare you treat my son this way… that boy out there is an affront to all that’s natural…”

“Sit down Mrs Evans… before you say something you’ll regret…”

“No I will not sit down you silly little man… that ungodly creature viciously attacked my boy and I won’t rest till I see him punished!”

All present were shocked by what they’d heard, none more so than several of the children that were still hanging around. Then moments later, the door to the office slammed open as if it was kicked in from the inside. That was no small feat, given that it opened inwards in the first place. A true testament to the anger this whole incident had brought forth. Out of shock everyone present had snapped their heads in that direction and saw a very red faced Weller, as he stomped through the opening and immediately went over to the counter. Grabbing up the mic to the school wide PA system he made an announcement.

“This is Principal Weller… any students who may have witnessed rocks being thrown in the courtyard during the lunch period and the fight that occurred please report to the office…. Again… any witnesses especially ones who saw rocks being thrown and the fight that occurred please report to the office… thank you.”

The static of the mic being slammed back on the counter top was the end of it and everyone in view watched as Weller slammed his door on the way back into his office.

Only a few minutes later and already two kids were there, five minutes and the office was filled with the excited murmurs of kids trying to get some inside knowledge, or juicy gossip. So many in fact that the foul old administrator really had her work cut out for her. While trying to keep some sort of order and with the security guards help, she was also frantically trying to get the principal’s attention on the intercom. She must have succeeded at some point, because the next thing Cam saw was Mr Weller coming out and hushing everyone down. The sight of Eddie and his mother trying their best to not be seen at the door, while still being able to see and hear everything that transpired, was not lost on Cam and his boys

“All right all right… simmer down… how many here saw rocks being thrown?” Mr Weller asked.

Carl was surprised to see who had come to his defence, a girl he didn’t know particularly well, from his maths class stepped forward, she smiled at him then at Mr Weller. “I did sir.”

“Alright… anyone else?” He asked. But, no one else stepped forward. “Ok then young lady… now who saw the whole fight?”

Another girl, this time from his English class, stepped forward and two boys from gym. “Ok you four stay here… the rest of you may return to your classes…. move it!”

Hoping to have escaped whatever fate awaited them in their respective classrooms, the rest of the kids mumbled and bickered, but they all eventually left, while Weller and Mason ushered the four new students into his office. Silence returned, but no one escaped the icy glare of Mrs Evans before the door closed, it was almost as if she would like nothing better, than for a giant hole to open up and swallow the school and everyone in it. The fact that she too was in it right then, seemed to be totally lost on her.

After what seemed like an eternity, Weller and the four other students emerged from his office. Before Weller re-entered it, he looked over towards Carl and gave him a subtle wink, when the door closed again, Carl looked over at Dale and he smiled for the first time since he’d arrived at school. Dale smiled back and made a grab for his hand. The girl from his maths class was sitting just a few feet away from the boys and was staring straight at them. For some reason she just couldn’t stifle a giggle, then said…

“You know… you two are so totally cute! … kinda sucks your gay but you do make a totally cute couple.”

Both boys blushed at the girls words, they smiled back at her in a friendly way, but they kept their silence. The other kids seemed to be watching what transpired rather uncomfortably, but they too held their tongues. Only the administrator, that was now safely back behind her counter, saw fit to comment. Once again it was filled with hate, but it was too quiet to really be heard over the din of the whispering children, so much so that only Cam, who’d been watching her closely caught any of it at all.

The boys on the other hand were now talking to the girl that had complimented them so sweetly. Though times had changed, and being gay was not that much of issue any more, there was still some dissent, as they had seen so far this day. So the girl’s attitude was rather refreshing to them, so much so that Dale plucked up the courage to ask why she felt that way. Her response was not at all what they had come to expect from most of those their own age so far…

“So what if you’re gay… loves love right?”

Though a little shocked, both boys were about to respond, when Mr Mason popped his head out the office door and called them in. When they entered the principal’s office, by the look on the faces of those in the room, it had appeared that the invitation had only been extended to Carl and his adopted father, however not to be perturbed by this the twins had tagged along.

“Well seeing as we’re all here… we may as well begin.” Mr Weller said to the assembled crowd. “Corey you can go back to class… and Dale… if the nurse says it’s all right, you can too… or you can go home and rest… I’ll leave that up to your uncle.”

“Thank you Mr Weller… but if it’s all the same to you… I think I’ll be taking all the boys home with me when this is over.”

“That’s fine… now then… as for the rest… between you two…” Weller said, taking in the remaining two boys, “It would seem that Carl’s interpretation of the events was the most accurate… given the testimony of those who’d witnessed it… so Carl… for starting the fight you’ll be suspended for the rest of the week… and for striking a teacher, regardless of how accidental it was, you’ll be in after school detention for the rest of the semester… is that clear young man?”

“Yes Sir.” Carl said, as relief washed over his entire body, though the tightening grip on his hand from Dale, who sat next to him, felt the best.

Eddie’s mom had a very smug look on her face when Carl’s punishment was handed out, though it was nowhere near as severe as she wanted it to be, at least he’d had some of his freedom taken away. Of course what came next, really took the wind out of her proverbial sails…

“As for you Mr Evans… you are to be expelled.”

“WHAT…?” She near cried.

“That’s right Mrs Evans… expelled… this latest incident… though the most vicious is the last straw in a long line of things that has brought your son to my office… and I will no longer tolerate his behaviour…”

“You can’t do this…”

“Oh but Mrs Evans… I most certainly can… now you have exactly thirty minutes to clear out of my office, retrieve his file at the administration desk and anything the boy wants to keep from his locker… after that time you will be trespassing on school property and I will be forced to call the police and have you removed… good day Mrs Evans.”

“I’ll have you fired for this you jumped up little fascist!”

“I said… good day Mrs Evans”

Just like his mother, it seemed Eddie wasn’t to be outdone either. As he made to get past the impressive bulk of his mother’s waist, he screamed out…

“Crazy fag… now look what you’ve done! … Oh God I hope I didn’t get your blood on me you probably have AIDS too!”

Carl’s jaw clenched, right as his fists did. He nearly jumped out of his chair, but Cam was too quick for him and intervened, placing his hand gently on the boy’s chest and pushing him back into it.

“Cool it now both of you!” He said, as he now stood in between the space separating the boys, before speaking to Eddie’s mother. “I suggest you leave now Mrs Evans and take your hell spawn with you… before I have him charged over the rock that hit my nephew’s head!”

“How dare you! …You haven’t heard the last of this!” She said, as she pulled Eddie up by the collar and stomped off out of the office.

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Written by bigct/Octavius

January 10, 2011 at 17:30

6 Responses

I’m at a loss for words! I know, shocking isn’t it! You’ve been gone for how long, and this is what you come up with? All I can say is…

BRILLIANT!

I’ve been wondering how this situation was going to play out. I knew Carl would get in some trouble for fighting on school grounds. That’s usually grounds for immediate expulsion by itself. I’m glad it didn’t lead to that. Personally, I would take defending a loved one at whatever costs over legal ramifications any day!

Keep up the good work! Looking forward the the next installment! I just hope Cam doesn’t take Carl’s life away too, like his computer, phone, MP3 player, Dale…You get the picture!

Nice one, CT. Heres hoping that the next one comes soon. Been a really tough last few weeks for me, too. Keep movinig forward and take care of yourself. Hope your warm; it’s cold here even in the desert.

Thank you, I couldn’t sleep tonight for some reason and i decided to read this. I really wished you wrote this a few months ago. I see so much now about things that’s been happening to me from what happened and make me think a lot right now. I been having a lot problems with things for a while and now i see what you been trying to tell me for a while now. I can’t be friends with everyone and I should stop trying to be. I really did mess up a lot and i really wanted everyone to forgive me. But reading this i see now that is not going to happen. Some people will still like me and a lot will not. But i am really glad that some still do. The ones that don’t was not meant for me to be friends with. Thanks so much for writing this so i could see things now. Thanks to for being my friend. Hugs Richard