A Journey Through Breast Cancer | By Kathy Baum

Family/Friends/Love

Last week, many friends from the Bible Study came taking turns to show their support and care by working inside and outside of our house. They painted, weeded, cleaned the garage, fix the broken wall, etc.

As the first day was over, I, who worked together, got so exhausted, and the 2nd day, I could work only a half day and had to take a long rest on the bed though, the friends, most of whom were older than me, worked hard 9am to 4pm being burned on their faces under the strong sun beams.

I was impressed with their vitality, skills, and knowledge, but most importantly I was truly touched by their kindness.

I am the one who has to fight against cancer, and it is George, who has to fight against Parkinson’s Disease, but their message that they are always behind us with prayers and loving care surely reached to me.

Then last night I found an envelop in the front yard. Someone had threw it over the gate. As George opened it, there was lots of cash with a note saying, ” Praying for both of your health. Thank you Jesus!” There was no sender’s name.

George and I don’t deserve for any of those kind acts. We are not able to return their favors, either.

Bible said, “Love suffers long.” (1 Corinthians 13:4) Because of this, the wedding vow says,
“I promise to love her/him in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, in good times and bad – till death shall you part. ” However, reality is one out of three couples in the US divorces. It is obvious that marriage is difficult.

A wife has her own ways and so does a husband. When there is conflict between them it creates burdens and if the burdens pile up, the weight may causes sickness. Yet, if there is the words “Thank you,” for the long suffering, at the end, all the burdens and weight perish at once like bubbles, I think.

I have a Japanese friend, who served her mother and father-in law for a long time living together. When she was young, she was scolded in front of her kids about how she talked to the father-in-law was arrogant.” Her husband pretended like he didn’t listen to it. She wanted to divorce many times, but each time when she cried to her mother, her mother encouraged her, saying “Losing is winning.” Eventually she received respect and appreciation from not only her parents-in-law, but also her husband, kids, and relatives. Her perseverance paid off.

The real meaningful word, “Thank you,” is very powerful because the words cease long suffering. At the end on the earth, the words we want to hear are maybe “I love you,” and “Thank you very much.”
And if we can hear from God saying, ” You treasured the gifts I gave you with love (long suffering). Well done!” it must be the gold.

It is interesting that if we choose to suffer long for the partner instead of pursuing own desires and interest, we find real peace, love, or the best reward at the end. When I shared this paradox with George, he said, ” That’s the meaning of ‘ If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.'” Maybe the Japanese saying, ” Losing is Winning” has the same meaning.

Even if we feel alone, or nobody is paying attention to our suffering or relentless efforts, God is watching. He even offers help saying, “Lay down your burden on me.”

I, who once divorced, felt shame listening to my friend’s story, but God gave me a Second chance. Life is short. Asking for lots of God’s help and guidance, I have to do a good job this time.

I could have another good Thanksgiving without missing the turkey dinner!

“How can I help you?”
“ You sit here and tell me what to do.”

George, and three kids were all so helpful considering me all the time all day. At the dinner table that was my first thanks to share. I love Thanksgiving, which is a great family time, but this year I felt God’s Grace more than ever.

Once Soh arrived with his wife Pinky and his beloved dog Illy from San Francisco last Sunday, the quiet house turned into a festival mode, and as Roy also came over at night the house became full of energy. Cooking dinner for 5 requires more work than for 2, but wanting to please the kids, I didn’t mind it at all.

“ Mom, you will relax now. We’ll wash dishes.”

Once the dinner was over, now the kids took over my role, and treated me like a special guest until they left yesterday afternoon.

Maybe because Soh lives at a distance, but saying, “ I want to spend the time with you. What would you like to do? “ he took me out for lunch and even on a half-day drive. Listening to a conversation that my house might need an air filter, he quietly ordered it, which arrived today. I was deeply touched by his care.

George, who could not sleep enough the night before I visited the clinic because I woke him up many times due to the cough, nausea, and stomachache, was happy to drive me to the clinic, and stayed with me for a half day at the clinic

Thankfully the prescribed Pepcid is controlling the stomachache and the nausea, but the cough hasn’t been improved, and I’ve been laying down on the couch most of the day. Yet, our family made me so happy. I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I know so many better mothers and wives than me. This must be God’s Grace. He is with me and loves me giving me such a great family. It was one more great Thanksgiving after all!

As cancer in my lung became so huge, the radiation therapy was opted out, and now only chemotherapy is left as the option. I started Herceptin and Tykerb yesterday. It’s the 3rd round to use this combo. In May this year when I learned Herceptin and Abraxane were not working anymore, I added Tykerb as the 2nd time. Yet in Oct. the biggest tumor became almost double size. It was a bitter experience and seems obvious that this combo won’t work anymore, but if this is the choice of the doctor’s team, I have no say. The doctors want to add Haraven, one more chemo later.

I started the brain radiation today, too. I was curried by an ambulance for an hour drive from Harbor City Kaiser, where I have been admitted, to Sunset Kaiser, and there I took a CT and many X Rays to make a mask to cover my face and head completely, and then received the whole brain radiation. Gammer knife, which only targets the tumors, was not recommended me. I will receive this therapy for a week.

Trying to help my breathing, the steroid, which elevates sugar level, was also increased. Hence, I am taking insulin at every meal. Yet, since last Thursday when I was hospitalized, first time I feel getting better. With Japanese food, I got appetite back, too.

Everything is now so intense that I feel like the doctors are working so hard to save my life. I am deeply thankful.

Tomorrow is the Christmas Eve. I am hoping to go home.

Just like the intensifying treatment, at home the family and friends are also increasing the circle of the support and making sure that my needs are completely filled according to George.
How wonderful blessings!
My cup is overflowing with God’s Grace. He is with me!

May this wonderful Saver’s name be praised all over the world!
Marry Christmas!