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Even though it's New Year's Eve, I'll be going to bed early this evening - I have to get up at 3:00 a.m. in order to ensure the Smart Sailor makes it to the Airport in time for his 6:00 a.m. flight back to Naval Training Center, Great Lakes.

The Smart Sailor is the last of the guests to make his way home, and in a way the most melancholy. I am incredibly proud of my Smart Sailor, and delighted that he's conducting his adult life in a way that reflects a dedication to honor, courage and commitment. And yet...I do miss him, and passing the torch to my adult children has resulted in a confused panoply of feelings including pride at what fabulous human beings they are, regret that I didn't do a better job as a parent, and terror that I cannot protect them from what they might face in their adult lives. It's the natural order of things*, however, and my joy far outweighs my fear and regret.

Today, I'm grateful that my son has found his way to an adult life where he belongs, where he can be proud of his vocation and his service, and where his unique talents and abilities will be leveraged not only for his benefit, but for the greater good.

I listen to a lot of NPR via Podcast. I subscribe to Fresh Air, Tell Me More, All Songs Considered, and about twelve others.

I love NPR. Their journalists actually practice, you know, journalism. There's no screaming. The editorials are clearly identified as such. The programing includes stories from all over the world, not just the United States. The quality reflects the passion of the participants, and rightly so - no one gets rich working for public radio.

Today I'm grateful to have access to Public Radio, and to the men and women who make listening to it such a worthwhile endeavor.

Last night we went to our favorite restaurant, Junz, for sushi, a delightful assortment of cooked dishes, and wonderful company. We kept the assembled down to a dull roar with only 11 participants, both family and friends.

We had a wonderful time. It warmed my heart to see our families and friends get to know one another better, as these people are the core of my life, and mean more to me than anything in this world.

Today, I'm grateful to be blessed with a cadre of amazing people who cocoon my life with love, laughter, support and friendship.

My Hot Mom spent her girlhood there, as entrance was free in those days, and she could walk there. When I was in elementary school, I took school trips there frequently, as well as outings with my parents. My own kids spent many happy hours there as youngsters, since we had a family membership and it was an inexpensive way to spend a Sunday in the years when I had no money.

Today, I'm grateful to have a high quality science institution in my city that makes a considered effort to support STEM among our population, and makes it affordable for families to take advantage of all it has to offer.

Today the Smart Man and I will be taking his family on a driving tour of Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs. It's a lovely park, and I like the fact that they've created the driving trails in a way that people who can't walk for long distances can still get a sense of the park from their car. We took the Smart Man's Grandma there a number of years ago, and you'll recall that the UCF made a trip there last year, as well.

Today, I'm grateful to live in a beautiful state, full of the wonders of our natural world.

I have a number of friends who suffer from mental illness. Mostly their diseases are under control - anxiety, depression and various degrees of OCD. I myself have had episodes of clinical depression in my life, and have received treatment for it.

I can't imagine anything lonelier than having a condition that disintegrates your personality and having the wider world consider it your fault rather than a disease that requires compassion and treatment.

Today, I'm grateful that the stigma of mental illness is easing in our society, and that victims can receive the medication, talk therapy and other forms of treatment they require to life healthy, productive lives.

This holiday season, the Smart Man's family will be joining us here at the Big Yellow House. My Hot MIL is flying in this morning, and my Smart BIL and his Awesome, Awesome Wife are flying in late tonight.

I love the Smart Man's family. His mother, brother and sister-in-law are all decent, hardworking people who have included me in their family without hesitation. My Hot MIL essentially raised her two sons by herself, amid hard economic times. My Smart BIL is bright, funny and a major geek. And as much as I respect and admire my Smart BIL, he totally married UP when his Awesome, Awesome Wife agreed to his proposal.

Today, I'm grateful to have married into a family where I actively look forward to visiting with my in-laws.

Yesterday the Incomparable Boogie™ went to see his groomer and had a bath and a haircut. He was a month overdue, since we had to cancel his November appointment due to his foot surgery.

Unfortunately, Jaye had to shave his legs, as wearing that bandage for five weeks had matted the hair on his leg beyond help. Boogie doesn't mind, however - he's just happy to have resumed his daily walkies.

Today, I'm grateful that my older pooch is back in good health and is exhibiting his normal zest for life, joy in his daily activities, and sweet disposition.

In the mid to late nineties, I spent a lot of time being afraid. I could barely pay my bills, my personal life was an absolute mess, and, in retrospect, I was clinically depressed. Of course, all of those things were direct results of the choices I had made, and continued to make.

Thankfully, I was honest enough with myself to see and admit the cause and effect relationship between my choices and my life, and I made some decisions. I would get my act together on a personal level. I would continue to work my ass off on a professional level in order to achieve some financial security. And I would live my life without fear.

That's not to say that I waved a magic wand and suddenly became courageous. Far from it. What it meant to me was that when I needed to make a decision or choose a behavior, I would ask myself, "Are you doing this or making this decision because you're afraid?" If the answer was "yes," I would reevaluate my decision, and more often than not, change my mind.

It took a number of years for this new behavior to become a habit rather than a struggle. After all, there are so many things to be afraid of - what if I lose my job, my relationship, my mind? What if my kids get sick, what if I get hurt, what if my car blows up? What if I fail?

But eventually, the tenor of my decisions began to change. I began to to make decisions based on what the possible positive outcomes of the decision may be, rather than the possible negative outcomes. I don't think I was ever careless or irresponsible in my decision making, but taking considered risks in both my professional and personal lives have led to a life that I love, and has given the courage to pick myself up and try again when I do fail.

Today, I'm thankful to be living a life where fear doesn't rule my life, my decisions, or my relationships.

Tomorrow morning, the President of the United States will be signing into law the repeal of the Don't Ask, Don't Tell (DADT) policy that has governed the issue of gay Americans in our military since the Clinton administration.

But that doesn't mean I'm not a realist about how very hard implementing this new policy is going to be. There are legitimate policy decisions that must be made in light of the new policy, and people of good conscience have wildly divergent opinions. Reaching a compromise everyone can live with is going to be tough.

Sea change is never easy. The integration of our Armed Forces was a bear. The gradual easing of restrictions on women's service is still ongoing, and while the institutionalized sexism that marked my own service is on the run, make no mistake that it's still there. As gay men and lesbian service members come out of the closet and choose to live openly, they will be subject to harassment, discrimination and ostracism. Being "first" sucks, and while the work of these pioneers is absolutely necessary, my heart aches for them as I contemplate what they will face. Once the integration is complete and the culture has changed, it will be worth it, but the road will be long, and painful.

Today, I'm grateful our country has chosen the high road in repealing DADT, rather than the easy road in allowing it to continue. It's the right thing to do.

I have a pal from my days in the Navy. We served together on the USS JASON in the early '90's, and she helped to initiate me to Chief Petty Officer when I was selected to that rank.

I'm speaking, of course, of occasional commenter and long-time pal The Mechanicky Gal.

As friends do, over the years we celebrated each others' sorrows and triumphs, and recognized each others' birthdays with gifts. As the years went on, however, we found ourselves having to work harder and harder to find appropriate prezzies for each other. We have wildly divergent taste, and as we became more and more financially successful, we tended to just buy what we wanted for our homes and such. In other words, we really didn't need any more stuff.

So a number of years ago, we discussed the matter and decided that instead of continuing to spend money on stuff, we would collaborate and try to do something good for the world. And the "Amy and Janiece, Hot Chicks on a Mission" Kiva Lending Page was born.

We have specific criteria for our loans - we only lend to the ladiez*. We prefer the ladiez to be either single, widowed or divorced. If they're supporting children, so much the better. We make an effort to lend to ladiez who live in countries where women are treated like second-class citizens. Because apparently we enjoy sticking it to the man.

So far, we've loaned to 91 different women, for a total of $2,275.00. We replenish our fund each Christmas and on our birthdays, and reloan on a monthly basis as the ladiez pay us back.

Today, I'm grateful to have a friend with whom I can share my philanthropic tendencies, and who sees the value in helping other women build their businesses, their lives and their communities. Ladiez FTW!

Today is my Hot Mom's birthday. She's 70, and yesterday we held a big shindig up in Longmont to celebrate this milestone.

It wasn't a surprise party, as I wanted her to have input on the event. But there were a few surprises - the Smart Sailor was able to get home leave for the holiday, and came in on Friday. He agreed to conspire with us not to mention this fact to Mom, who was then surprised when he arrived, in uniform, with a dozen roses for his Grandma. A member of her former work crew, a friend she's known for 25 years, was able to come, and also "decorated" her home for the occasion, with a surreptitious assist from me. My fabulous Great Aunt Margie made the trip from Holyoke to attend. And all of her family and friends contributed to a memory book containing photos, well wishes and descriptions of what she's meant to us.

My father died when I was 26 years old. So my Hot Mom has been my only parent for over half my adult life.

Today I'm grateful to have a parent who is not only still with me, but is spry, mentally acute, active, takes good care of herself and touches the lives of those around her in a way that makes the world a much better place simply by having been in it.

Earlier this week, a member of my online community, the UCF, lost a member of her extended family. Being the official keeper of the UCF Widows and Orphans Fund, I sent an arrangement on behalf of the group.

It's been kind of a rough year for the UCF. There has been family deaths, unemployment, someone's house burned down, and a variety of other tragedies, both great and small. But there have been triumphs, too, and the common factor in all of those things is that the group offers friendship, love and support, regardless of what's going on.

Today, I'm grateful for the strange, weird, wildly diverse group that is my blog circle - the UCF. No one can hijack a conversation like you all, and you make my daily life easier, more joyful, and I'm a better person for having known each of you.

Yesterday I got word that my boss and his wife delivered their first child - 13 weeks early. So far, things look good for them, although their son will be in the NICU for quite some time as he continues to grow and develop.

This is going to be a scary time for them, and one with which I'm intimately familiar. The Smart Twins were born nine weeks early by cesarean section, and spent the first five weeks of their life in the Balboa Naval Hospital NICU. I remember vividly how bone-crushingly terrifying that time was, and the Smart Twins weren't even that sick. I was then, and remain now, acutely aware that had I been born in a different time, it's likely all three of us would have died.

Today, I'm grateful to live in a society that has the infrastructure to support the modern medicine that has saved my life again and again, and the lives of those I love. Bonus gratitude: Me and mine have always had access to that modern medicine.

This week has consisted of some really long days for me. I've been getting up a 5:00 a.m. to get to the conference on time, and I haven't been getting home until almost 7:00 p.m. Since I've been doing a little work before I leave and after I get home, I haven't had much time for anything else.

Which is why it's awesome that I have the Smart Man. He's been doing all the chores, taking care of the Incomparable Boogie™, and cooking dinner in my absence so we can eat together when I get home.

Today, I'm thankful to have a partner who cheerfully looks after me when I need it.

I grew up in a household full of readers. There were books in every room, books for Christmas, books on every nightstand. Science Fiction, non-fiction, westerns, thrillers, mysteries, fantasy, literature - the only genre not represented was romance.

So by the time I was a teenager, I was a reader, too, and it's a pleasure and a hobby that has stuck with me my whole life. I read on my Kindle, with my iPod, on my Blackberry. I'd read in my sleep in I could stay conscious.

This week I've been assigned to a contact center "boot camp," which entails 12 hour days with no time for exercise or leisure activities. I'm not used to commuting (yes, I know - me and my first world problems), and my latest RFP is still lurking around like a starving vulture eying me as a slowly crawl through the desert.

Usually these kinds of situations make me cranky and short tempered, as the stress has a cumulative effect on my mood.

However, I have hope that this time will be more manageable. Because I actually sleep at night, on a semi-regular basis.

Today, I'm grateful that my chronic insomnia is finally under control. It gives me the chance to better manage change and stress in my life. Bonus: NeuronDoc, who encouraged me to do something about it, instead of continuing to suffer.

I am teaching my Hot Daughter to drive, and yesterday was her second lesson. Aside from an inadvertent turn onto a road far larger and busier than she was comfortable with and an unfortunate accident with a now-late squirrel, it's been far less stressful than I would have anticipated.

Historically, it's never been easy between my Hot Daughter and me - we both spent her teen years being angry and hurt. Things are better now, though, especially since we've both adopted the attitude that being right is not nearly as important as being family.

Today I'm grateful to have the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with my Hot Daughter on a foundation of trust, respect and mutual support. Profoundly grateful. Thanks, Baby Girl.

Yesterday, the Smart Man and I had a number of errands to run. Normally errands are just a boring part of life maintenance, but one of our stops yesterday was our local Target, where we spent time filling up a shopping cart with a variety of toys. We then went to our local Toys for Tots collection point to drop off the haul. Our collection point (the Parker location of Keller Automotive) had so many donations the boxes were overflowing and piles of loot had taken over the entire back half of their waiting area.

Today, I'm grateful I have the means to support not only a nice Christmas for my own family, but for others' as well. The bonus? I live in a community that feels the same way.

Yesterday was my annual performance evaluation. Like most large companies, my employer uses an esoteric blend of measurable goals (did I reach my revenue objective, did I maintain my professional certifications) and subjective opinion (am I bold, do I make fact based decisions) to reach a performance measure.

The entire process usually makes me roll my eyes just a bit - either I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, or I'm not, and if I'm not, I sincerely hope my boss would let me know before my annual performance review. Like porn, people know good employees when they see them, and typically react accordingly.

This year, my boss told me that one of my main strengths was the fact that I "hold myself and others accountable." I found this ironic because back in my school days, this characteristic of mine was often described as being a pushy bitch.

Today, I'm grateful I live and work in a culture that is making progress in seeing value in my contributions to the team without applying gender-specific stereotypes.

Bonus gratitude: I got a small raise, too, which I'll be pushing directly into my 401K.

A couple weeks ago, I found out that a local engineer at my company lost his son, a Marine, in combat operations in Afghanistan. Naturally, our veterans organization mobilized, and started taking contributions. Because the young man had no wife or children, his father asked that donations be made to the Wounded Warrior Project in his son's name.

As I was sending my donation, my throat closed up and my chest tightened. I could easily be in this father's shoes, and people could be making donations to the Wounded Warrior Project in my son's name.

Today, I'm grateful that no member of my family has ever been called upon to make this sacrifice.

Yesterday I got a little wrapped around the axle over some entitled, right-wing douchebag's defrauding of the federal government in order to express his outrage over those greedy, lazy, good-for-nothing food stamp recipients who feed their families on $133.00 a month. One of the reasons I got so mad is because the author of the original piece has probably never gone hungry a day in his life, and has no idea what food insecurity is like.

And neither have I.

So today, I'm grateful that I've always had enough to eat, and never had to worry about what I was going to feed my kids.

I have a good friend who, like me, is not a big fan of the holiday season. The weather and the constant barrage of crappy holiday music, along with a unstated expectation that everyone should "be of good cheer" tends to wear me down. Add the fact that December is almost always insanely busy for me from a professional perspective, and I usually just CAN'T WAIT FOR IT TO BE OVER.

In an effort to lighten the mood my friend has decided to try a new goal - to find (and post) a daily gratitude for the rest of the month.

Since I'm short on time and blog fodder this month, I've decided to steal her idea, and try and do the same.

So for today, I'm grateful that in spite of my daily stresses, I have a job for which I'm uniquely qualified and that gives me a sense of purpose and sufficient financial resources to lead the life I want. There are plenty of people for whom that cannot be said, especially in the last two years, and I'm thankful not to be among them.

For the small subsection of my readers who don't also already read Jim Wright's Stonekettle Station, may I recommend that you run, don't walk, over there to read his 2007 blog post on Remembering December 7th? It's simply the best description I've ever read about how our military's Senior Non-Commissioned Officers view their responsibilities and what we all aspired to be.

I'm a bit under the gun for the rest of the month. Between the Vortex of Suck, a training "boot camp" next week that is going to require 10-12 hour days, my Hot Mom's 70th birthday bash, and a planned holiday-palooza with the Smart Man's family, I'm not entirely certain how much time I'll have for blogging.

Yes, yes, I can hear the peanut gallery now - "You always say that, and then end up blogging more than you do when you're not busy!"

Well, yes, I suppose that's true, but if I actually end up NOT BLOGGING and I don't warn you, then where will we be? I'll tell you - I'll end up getting e:mails from people wondering why their dancing monkey is falling down on the job. And if I don't have time to blog, then I certainly don't have time to respond to multiple inquiries about my blogging suckage.

So I'm indulging in a preemptive strike. You have been warned. And so have I.

Like many people, I have a number of people with whom I am "friends" on Facebook that I know only casually. Some of them I met through work, some I knew many years ago and we've recently reconnected, and some are friends of friends. The one thing they have in common is that I don't know them very well.

If you have friends in your social network who make bigoted comments on your Facebook wall or on your blog, and you remain silent, I'm going to assume that silence is acceptance and judge you accordingly. In other words, I'll think you're a bigot yourself, or you tolerate bigotry, or you lack the moral courage to stand up when you see bigotry in your own space. And I'm going to drop you like a hot rock.

To a certain extent, people are judged by the company they keep, and their reaction to that company. If you choose to tolerate bigoted shitbaggery in your personal space, what, exactly, am I supposed to think about who you are? When it comes to this sort of behavior, tolerance is NOT a virtue - ethical and moral standards demand that we act.

And the Incomparable Boogie™ isn't too excited about this turn of events.

While Demento Dog has become accustomed to staying with us over the years, it seems that Boogie becomes less impressed by his presence with each visit. Of course, between his clubfoot bandage, a lack of a bath and haircut, and a newly diagnosed ear infection that's giving his left ear a port side list, Boogie currently looks like a special ed student. Perhaps he feels it's mean of us to invite his nemesis into his demesnes while he's not feeling his best.

Since I'm being forced to leave the house and interact with other human beings, I'm starting to feel just slightly overwhelmed with my personal and professional responsibilities. This is normal for me - it happens whenever my natural inclination towards hermitage is thwarted by LIFE. I'll get over it once I have time to shut out the world for a while.

I'm out and about again today - don't burn the place down in my absence.

About Me

I am a Hot Chick living in Parker, CO with my fabulous family. We're currently training a new pooch named "Jackson," and she's a Basenji/Shepherd mix. She's a rescue, and something of a head case, but we love her. I'm a U.S. Navy vet, and I currently work as an Enterprise Solutions Architect, specializing in VoIP and multimedia contact center design. I care about science, the U.S. Constitution and the military. I'm a tax and spend liberal in a largely red county, but I try not to be stabby about it. I travel a lot, I aspire to run faster than I do, and I donate knitted cold weather gear to various charities. Stupidity, cupidity and wanton assholery piss me off, and I'm more than a little soft when it comes to dogs and those who serve others. I blog about whatever I feel like. I use foul language, so if that sort of thing offends you, feel free to fuck off now - if I'm unwilling to clean up my language for my fabulous Great Auntie Margie, I'm unlikely to do so for you. Newcomers are welcome here, especially those who disagree with me, but trolling and spamming will be met with the Shovel of Doom™.