September 7, 2015

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Rookie is an online magazine and book series for teenagers. Each month, a different editorial theme drives the writing, photography, and artwork that we publish. Learn more about us here, and find out how to submit your work here!

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Before technology struck, I didn’t have too many people to compare myself to, so I was pretty content. Along with simply growing up and noticing the things that I was missing out on, the internet never neglected to rub those things in my face, with pictures of pretty girls in overpriced clothes with 12,000 followers. —Lola Nova

When I finally went home after my surgery and looked in the mirror I was frightened. I couldn’t recognize the body or person in my reflection, it made absolutely no sense. Everyone around me was telling me how great I looked but I couldn’t see it; it wasn’t mine, it wasn’t the body I had known for 14 years of my life, and that fucked me all the way up. Read More »

I’ve been a college dropout for a semester’s worth of time now, and for the past month, I’ve been working part-time at a market research firm. In between shifts and durimg days off, I take solitary walks around the city, listening to new music, listening to my mind. While this may sound good, it only feels half of how it’s supposed to feel. Read More »

I love Lola’s collage. It really highlights one of the downsides of the Internet, in that we’re always comparing ourselves to other people, and we don’t always realize that Instagram feeds/Facebook posts/Snapchat stories aren’t usually representative of someone’s real life. Social media only offers us a glimpse of what can be quite an artificial reality, so we need to remember that what we see isn’t always the whole picture.

Social media is just a comparing factory where you display your best moments while wishing they were as amazing as someone else’s. In theory, walking through cities and observing people should be enlightening, but when noticing all these “ships” I’m just reminded of how lonely I am. I guess we all have to adopt the ‘fake it to make it attitude’ inwardly, because we need to know that we’re adequate and awesome no matter what.

Your post is brave and inspiring and you are not alone! It is absolutely not a sin to want a cozy home.

My unsolicited recommendation, as I also live in cold city, is to begin smiling and making light talk with the staples of your neighborhood: The girl who helps at the coffee shop, the guy who makes your breakfast, the nice cashier at the grocery store. On my birthday, my bagel guy gave me a free coffee just because we’ve always been friendly!

They aren’t completely meaningful relationships, just kind spirited acquaintances. Creating kindness around your neighborhood envelopes you in a feeling of content and community. It may not seem like much, but it has helped me redirect those negative feelings a million times.

Thanks for sharing your words. I’m currently in my 3rd year of college and I constantly have thoughts about transferring, graduating early or dropping out. The feelings of “complete loneliness in a big city” that you described are so relatable to me and it’s refreshing/eye opening to see that other people feel the same way as I do when I feel so alone and down. I think the media/pop culture etc. propagate this idea that college/your 20s is supposed to be this amazing/awesome/love-filled time in your life, but it’s not always real or realistic, and actually makes us feel worse about ourselves if we aren’t like partying it up in college or in a committed relationship, etc. Keep journaling, and don’t be too hard on yourself! I’ll try to do the same :)