Fry refused to come out, saying his grievances have not been met and even mentioned suicide.

Here’s where the language police come to the rescue, and people need to pay attention here, because this is critical. It’s not the first time language is going to fail us. The particulars are these:

When malcontent nut job threatens to commit suicide, what he means is, “Hey, everybody. Listen up. Nobody listens to me, because I’m a malcontent nut job. Well I know how to get your attention. I’m going to mention the word ‘suicide,’ and you’re going to think that means I’m talking about killing myself. Then you’re going to feel sorry for me, and you may start to believe I think about others more than I do myself. See, that’s what I mean.”

When a malcontent nut job says he’s going to declare war, what he means is, “I’m plenty pissed off about this, and I’m plenty pissed off about that, and there’s lots of other stuff I’m plenty pissed off about. And nobody cares that I’m plenty pissed off, and I’m going to mention the word ‘war” a few times, and that is going to get people to taking me seriously, and lots of those libtards out there are going to be shakin’ in their flip-flops, and they are going to know what a real man I am.”

Additionally, David Fry’s comments can be interpreted as, “Please don’t shoot me. Just be kind and let me surrender, because I’m not a 12-year-old black kid with a toy gun.”

There may be other ways to interpret malcontent nut job David Fry, and I expect a cottage industry will spring up based on alternative ways of parsing his language.