Sarah Palin Abandons Tour—But What Does This Mean for Her Tour Bus?

Just as inexplicably as it began, Sarah Palin’s secret publicity tour, “One Nation,” has summarily concluded. “Though Palin and her staff never announced a timeline for the remaining legs of her trip, aides had drafted preliminary itineraries that would have taken her through the Midwest and Southeast at some point this month. But those travel blueprints are now in limbo,” Real Clear Politics reports. That it’s allegedly the “peak” of salmon-fishing season in Alaska is the leading theory as to why she’s quit.

And so ends another thrilling chapter in the tale of Sarah Palin’s competing avarice and laziness. But what of her grotesque tour vehicle, an oversize, gas-guzzling bus slathered in Americana? We’ve made inquiries to SarahPAC, but have yet to hear back. In the meantime, we’ve brainstormed a few suggestions for what Palin and Co. can do with the bus.

• Donate it to the Smithsonian

• Set it on fire and drown it in the Gulf of Alaska (Viking funeral)

• Michael Bay might fasten arms on it and cast it in Transformers 4: Darker Side of the Moon

• Set it up with a literary agent who will secure a book deal for the vehicle’s salacious tell-all about life, and love, with Levi Johnston

• Mitt Romney could tap the bus for the vice-presidential slot in order to “please the base”

• Does Eliot Spitzer still need a conservative co-host for his CNN show?