Among the ladies, there’s an ongoing popular web joke which really confuses me: “Drake wouldn’t treat me like this.” Which is a wild thing to say because, well, have you heard any of his lyrics? Drake is almost definitely worse than the fuck boy you’re messing around with right now. Don’t believe me?

One time my mom and I got into a car accident of sorts. It wasn’t particularly violent or dramatic, it was just bizarre and one of those things after which you think, “Well, how often does that happen to a person, and what if, what if, what if?”

Cheaters are the worst? Says who? Haters, probably. If you’re thinking of cheating but aren’t too sure if you should take the proverbial plunge (wink, wink) then here are a few things that might push you in the right direction. The direction of a winner. A pussy maverick, if you will.