Wealthy White Man Assures Nation’s Women They’re Doing Fine

WASHINGTON, D.C. A powerful, wealthy white man informed the nation’s women that as far as he knows they are collectively doing great things, making excellent salaries, and most importantly, not experiencing any gender-related disadvantages.

“There’s no reason to get your panties in a knot,” explained one of the country’s most prominent political leaders. “Why don’t you take the credit card and go get yourself something nice?”

“Maybe get your nails done. Treat yourself,” he continued.

At press time, the man was asking the nation’s women where he put his keys.