Tuesday, February 28, 2006

My number ten title from earlier needs some clarification. I could win mother of the year award with this, or maybe not.

I was busily cooking a fairly bad dinner for Sunday night, since it seemed that the girl was grouchy, and the husband was silent, and the boy was still sick, so it seemed fitting to have a clearly bad dinner to end the night on a sour note. Afterall, I had worked all day, then stopped and picked up a couple of odds and ends from the grocery store, and then had to stop and pick up the left over stuff at the sisters house (where the children had visited since Friday night), so why wouldn't I at this point carry on to make a completely bad dinner.

It was basic, and fast, and easy and boring. An absolute no thinking sort of process. Ah, but I ponder on that last thought... the carrots and potatoes were no brainers. It was the un-opened vacuumed sealed ham steaks dated February 18th that had me guessing. I shrugged my shoulders and then popped the newly opened fresh smelling but perhaps out of date hamsteaks in our non-stick frying pan to warm them up as well.

Ah... Dinner is served! to the Motley Crew..... the sick boy was too hot to eat, so he drank juice, the girl was happy to see meat on her plate and steaming carrots so she cheered up.. and then the husbandman happily spooned potatoes and carrots onto his plate, and politely took a little half slice of ham. Me, being the Queen of the Kitchen found delight in the potatoes and carrots and a piece of left over chicken. The now cooked maybe outdated ham sat in the non stick frying pan....untouched. I had to think the whole time... if I had just set the little grouchy family into a big pit of food poisioning, I better not eat the ham as the boy was already sick, and the rest could develop some form of something.. so I thought it was better to save myself for clean up duty.

It is now Tuesday night.....people continue to be happy, and the boy continues to be sick, and there is a piece of left over ham in the fridge. How odd.

I want to know how it is that I have this device at my fingertips at every waking hour, and oddly enough, I haven't made it to this very place where the fingertips run wild with many odd words strung together to create sentences. But I am back. I will have to go with a great theory for this week. A weeks worth of stories that I am sure would have been good, had a actually wrote more than just the titles down. So, since I am lacking on content, my made up titles for my made stories will have to do.

"Unstoppable Scrapper". ( I am sure I could have made some humour out of this)

"The finger printer" (I don't even know what this was going to be about, perhaps this one will be the mystery, since it is already starting out that way).

"Lost in Pips Place" (This one is based on facts about survival techniques in the jungle, except that it takes place in an 8 year old girls bedroom).

"Sick Boy" (Self explanatory title, I am sure there would have been some added twists, as the boy himself is slightly twisted).

"Winner, winner, winner" (This one definitely has to do with 3 winnings... that will have to remain a mystery!).

"Handidart" (This one was a horror story about very simply booking a bus for people to ride on, and NOBODY could get the booking right).

"Sardine Supper" (This was about the adventures in dinner parties where way way way too many tickets get sold, and people have to share chairs to find a place to sit).

"Silence Uninterrupted" (The chilling thriller of not having children for TWO whole days... I am still reeling from that event).

"It's all about Silly" (Stories of dog devotion)

and finally.... "Here, let me make you some dinner".......(I think this one could have been a thriller, it had the potential for gore, but fortunately, it turned out to be nothing more than a dinner).

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

As I found my place beneath the lamp, and my favourite reading spot on the couch, I just couldn't face the non-page turning book I once again set out to read, and instead opend up this fascinating little number, and absolutely loved it.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I have stopped going to the library now. It only causes me trouble and grief. I have a stack of books that is growing, kind of the same as when did this house become messy.. it was clean five minutes ago sort of thing. I have to finish my book tonight.. I have too, although I really don't care for it, I am certain that it is going to be a real page turner, with the turn of each page. I have already invested a great amount of time reading and rereading the same pages over and over again, surely I shouldn't give up now. Must go and fill my eye sight with lines of words that I will never remember in the end anyways.. but it is fun to try.

In other things that are stacking: I have a pile of pictures that I took the other day from the Pro-D day adventures... that stack needs to be scrapped... and quick like into albums. I hope the Debbie's are reading this VERY LARGE HINT.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Thursday, February 16, 2006

I find it interesting how he sits in the dark and practices his piano. I have tried turning the lights on in the livingroom, but he only turns them off again. At other times when it is daylight outside, he plays with his eyes closed. This is a stark contrast to myself that requires every bit of eyeball energy to transform the black dots on paper to music, while he just motors along. Lucky him.

In other things from the boys life... he prepared his speech the other night. Which really meant that he sat, and thought, and wrote. It all fell out onto the paper, where he then refused to read any part of it, for days. Finally he agreed to deliver his world of words in his own fashion. Now this is where the story turns. I have a friend, a very old friend, a wise old friend in fact.... who once upon a time told me that I had a Jim Carry Junior on my hands. I did think that my boy was a bit of a wise cracker, as all good and loving parents do...but this boy of mine is a smudge above some with the humour factor. So, in speaking of speeches, I sat back last night to listen to the delivery of his speech " The Evolution of Video Games"... which on any given day sounds like "oh brother, not another one...", but what fell out of his mouth was nothing short of a very well rehearsed stage show. As I sat and watched him perform, I decided that this was an act, with words attached to make it a speech. It left me howling in laughter, and speechless.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

This very morning, I stood in the parking lot at our cranky little school, and waited for my sister in law. She didn't recognize me... I was the woman WITHOUT a bag on my head. She was busily looking for a person with a big over her head, which is what I told her I would be wearing ... after I had talked to the prinicpal about my Hamsterson's great adventures about being "excused from classes for no reason other than being highly annoying by not understanding what was actually expected of him", which then lead Hamsterson a visit with the principal for the rest of the afternoon, which then lead to an explosion of details that Hamsterson vomited out of his mouth, which then lead to Hamsteron seeing the school counsellour, rather immediately. Now, me, being the patient only sometimes mother, waited to hear if the school was going to contact me, for any of the above listed reasons. This did not happen, which I found highly odd, and at the same time highly interesting, which was why the statement to the sister in law about the bag over the head... I just didn't want anyone noticing me after I had to go in and find out for myself what the heck Hamsterson was busying himself with at school. So the sister in law and myself headed off for a quick coffee. This whole time... I thought I was safe from the sister stalker.

As usual, stupid me. I am never safe from the sister stalker... she is always around, somewhere.. somehow. I even mentioned this fact to the sister in law, that the sister stalker would not be calling me.. as she was safely tucked up in her bed.. sleeping after her nightshift. OR SO I THOUGHT. I make it back into my vehicle, and my cell phone is beeping and vibrating and smoking through it's microphone...... aaawwwweeee. I see.. it's the sister stalker looking for me. I carefully hit the CALL button, and the conversation starts....

"Don't tell me you have real things to do today".. the sister stalker says."Yes, I do" I cringe through the phone."Tell me what they are" she inquires.I list off a number of my jobs to do, and she cuts me off."Boring, boring boring and boring, I need some entertainment, I need some excitement, we can't do this, you have to come up with something better" she bellows into my eardrum."OK, OK," I say to her, "Just stay calm, I have some things to do at home, and then I will come up and get you... I promise.. things will be fun".....and I hang up the phone. My heart is beating about 31/2 beats a minute by this point (she doesn't really scare me)....and I say to myself ... "Jesus, she's a testy little wide awake stalker when she's only had one hours sleep...." as I drive home to do a couple of errands before the real tour of duty started.

OK, now the fateful mistake... I wanted her to read my LONGEST PARAGRAPH EVER, and now she has this blog listed on her favourites... and this was the one place that she has never been able to find me. I am doomed! If only the stalker sister would go to sleep....

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I had my lovely dustless friend come over today. "What was I thinking?" I ask to myself... (at the time & many hours later). I have decided that you can not be obsessive compulsive, and have people over, it just doesn't work. Here are the reasons why:

It all started with the fact that it is Tuesday, and I do not wash my hair on Tuesdays. I can not figure out for the life of me why I do not wash my hair on Tuesdays... but a fact is a fact. It just doesn't happen. Tuesday is just not the day to wash my hair. And that's it. So that's one issue. Then with my not washed hair, I was about to set off with the chicklets to walk them to school.. which I had been telling them, and telling them that we would be doing... because it was beautiful and sunny out... When we step outside to begin our RUN to school, our neighbour pulls in, and I continue nattering that 'WE ARE WALKING' ... the chicklets just look at me, smile, and get inside the neighbours car, off they go, and I am left standing in my driveway with unknowingly dirty hair, and an extra half an hour on my hands. This will not be good... I think to myself. See, it's the Tuesday morning issue, and I always find that I need to do other things than what I should be doing on Tuesday mornings. (These details just keep getting more bizarre, but do not fear, it gets worse). This morning would have been a good time to start CLEANING the dusty home, for my wonderful and dustless friend. But no, instead I retreat to the piano bench where I find it totally justifiable to start digging through the piano music that I have not eyed in many months, and couldn't play that many months ago, and certainly could not play this morning. Although I had great fun tinkering with the many sounds on my digital piano, once again, with the lovely guest arriving on the doorstep in a short period of time, one would think that I could be doing something to dust the place up. The problem with my dusty home is that it faces south east.... which means that the sun finds it's way through the windows, and all the shiny surfaces that the sun hits, just don't seem so shiney, because all I can see is dust. Of course this only happens when you take the time to look at the shiney surfaces, unlike myself, where I was sat facing the wall, playing the piano mindlessly. Eventually I had heard enough of myself playing the piano, and then turned on the stereo to listen to real music. It was at this time that I noticed my life in real time, and hissed a OH CHRIST... it's 10:30... my lovely dustless friend will be here in an hour, and I am still swamped with dust, rolling dog hair balls, laundry, dishes, finger printed french doors and messy bathrooms. I was set to frenzy mode... everything had to be done all at once, and in a dust sucking fashion. I then set to making our bed, and cranking up our 20 year old air ecologizer to HIGH in our bedroom. Yes, this will definitely impact the lovely dustless guest, a HIGHLY air ecologized and tidy room that she will never see. A remarkable use of precious minutes, I impress myself greatly sometimes. But as I speedily worked away I was most thrilled with my stat-like cleaning abilities. I did manage to clean the things that needed to be cleaned, which also included two loads of laundry, some walls and shelves washed, and a couple rounds of watering the plants. Life came to a crashing halt when it came to mind that I should put out something to eat. Afterall, I had been here all morning doing things, and accomplishing nothing... I was now definitely hungry. Even the store bought heart cookies couldn't cure my thoughts of being a nice dustless hostess. Of course, this is when horror struck. I immediately retraced my steps on thinking why it was that I thought I had food in this house... surely I should have something... I did manage to spend $300.00 last week at the big box store... but then I also realized that I had bought scrapbooking albums, and a carpet, and laundry soap... which is not something that I was interested in snacking on. DAMN! I had to think fast, well, at least I had cheese. I had lots of cheese... only because I bought cheese twice last week, not remembering that I had bought it the first time around. It's too bad that I didn't have much to go with that cheese. I went to the cupboard to pull out the fresh box of crackers that the husbandman had just bought the night before. I was horrified to notice that I was able to set out about 8 crackers, and the rest were broken. OK not good. This is OK, I thought.... so we will have a big plate of cheese... surely my lovely dustless friend will be too polite to say anything. I moved onto making the coffee next, because after all, this is the only reason she was coming over for. I was frightened by what I saw, or more like, what I didn't see. I had just bought coffee last week, or maybe it was the week before last...anyways.. I just thought I had coffee, which I kind of did, in a HALF CUP FULL sort of way. Except that the vacuum sealed package had been opened. SHREAK! SHREAK! SHREAK! I had to come up with coffee.... NOW. I looked beyond the vile opened package and saw a lonely well loved bag of columbian. It smelled lovely. I had to think quickly, at this point, no move was a right move.. I closed my eyes and quickly added two packages of coffee together (there nothing happened!).... which gave me a full pot. Lucky me, I was back on track. Then I reached into the fridge to pull out the cream. HOLY SHIT NO! I looked at the date on the cream. It expired on February 11. I couldn't believe this. So, me being the warm and inviting now dustless hostess taped a note to my front door. "L., B rite back D"... and then added 1130 on the note, just so she knew that I decided not to up and leave, when she was more or less set to arrive. Lucky for me, she would never have known about the note..... had I not told her... I made it back before she did. OK, one thing going right. Then, I had a bit of a brainwave. I decided to make sandwhiches, but since I had already set out two tons of cheese on a plate.. I didn't quite know what to do next. I spied in my cupboard for something.. and found some salmon. Once again, luck was with me.. except it wasn't sockeye, it was a pink, and I don't really like pink salmon, it's mushy, and I was in a bit of a pickle.... but you don't really notice when you add some hot dog relish to it. OK, I know, I know.. hot dog relish sounds bad, when you are adding it to salmon... but really, it is very good. You just have to trust me on this one. I eventually heard a little knock on my front door where I yelled 'come in', but my lovely dustless friend (and her sweetpea daughter) couldn't hear me because the music was cranked. Well, actually I had just turned it down, but generally I keep it up, to keep the jehovahs away. I kid you not. AND.. in more unbelievable things.. I have a number of friends who are jehovahs just in case the inquiring minds need to know.... including one that comes to see me regularly at my front door, where I stand and keep her chatting for a huge amount of time, then instead of heading to the neighbours front door, jumps in her vehicle and speeds off down the street back to her real life. Anyways, the long and short of it... my lovely dustless friend, her sweetpea daughter and myself had a lovely visit. She even supplied the banana bread, which was quite quite tasty.. and I will not even begin to speak about my loaf I made once upon a time, the one and only time she ever came to visit. For some fairly odd and unexplainable reason my loaf failed, as in failed because it was still raw inside. Once again being the fairly strange hostess, I served the outer edges... because the cooked part of the loaf was really quite tasty. I could not have history repeat itself on that one. So when I started thinking that I was going to bake something before she showed up today... I forced myself into playing some bad music instead. So there you have it... an invitation into my dustfilled matchbox home.

In case there are added thoughts or comments... I just wanted to let the human public know that once upon a time I did plan, and organize a wedding reception for myself, and the husbandman for 170 people... and I find it highly odd that I can not orchestrate a simple coffee visit.

I think we should really rethink valentines day. I think I would like to have it renamed as international cookie day. On this day we can hand out cookies to people that we just plain and simply like, and this is a mixed gender thing as well. Kind of like a halloween of sorts, except we don't have the little beggers coming to our doors, it's actually us doing the stepping out, handing out cookies. The nice part about international cookie day is the fact that no love has to be involved. You just have to have enough cookies to give out, that's it. It's very simple. Say good bye to all of the cash grabs that go along with this day of festivity and pretend love and go-go-ness. It is all rather revolting.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

While at work today, I was happily hidden while one of my friends posed a question to a visiting family member.

"Where is Mr So & So?" asks the visitor.

"Oh, he's in room 209, you must be his brother, you look just like him", says my friend the nurse.

"Uhm... I'm his son" says the visitor. ~~~~~~

My friends face turned as red as a tomato ready to bust it's juices with the offending question just floating in mid air. It didn't help when her very nice coworker (me) scolds her on the relation comparison factor... "listen missy, you are not to concern yourself with the dynamics of who's who in the zoo, what you want to establish is the fact that they might be related, because they do have a similarity in features...."

I further aided my friend with a quick step by step technique as to how to go about finding out relationship factors with the unknowing visitors that stop by. This example was followed by notes, and a quiz at the end of the inservice. It goes as follows:

OH (raise eyebrows)......

(direct gaze to visitor) are you related?

(pause, wait for answer).

I told her that this method is a sure fire way of keeping her feet on the floor at all times, and not unknowingly stuffed in her mouth.

We did have a really good laugh... considering that she had just compared an 81 year old guy to a 35ish old looking fellow. Oh well, she's blond, she has an excuse.

Yes, and I don't even go to school, well, except to drop off and pick up children. It's the crap the happens between those two times, that is the stuff I hate the most. Not that I am picky about things or anything...I think come Monday I am going to ask that the two of them become wall flowers, and "yesmen" all at the same time, while being in the classroom. I have had enough of them sticking out like little green men from way "out there".

In the meantime.. I am on damage control duty.. and I am not sure of the reason why.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All if good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines.

If I keep typing that I will be able to believe it... eventually.

The growler son has temporarily quit growling, but he might only be taking a break. Oh lucky me.

The little scaredy catdog Ellpee has quit limping, for the time being, until she might do something else to herself.

The Pipster now has a completely typed speech with a big thick staple in the corner of her pages, and she almost has half her speech memorized. Her psycho teacher is done for the week, and will be returning on Monday.

The husbandman has fixed my back window that had the broken key stuck in the lock. The world should fall apart in the 1365 square foot rancher more often, that way he can go and hide out in the driveway/outdoors/out in the shed/ and do other great useless tasks, because that was quite the accomplishment!

I just got back from buying a great many things at the big box store,... and the one thing I went for, I have forgotten.

But it's OK, because:All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines. All is good when the sun shines.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Oh, I don't think so. I am too much in love with the light. I have come to the realization that at this time of year, I start counting the hours of light that we get. In the evening I watch to see that it will stay light out until six oclock. In the morning I like to note the times when the sky begins to turn it's closet black into the ever lightening shades of grey, and then begin to burst with the colours of the day. I look forward to the colours of a pink grapefruit that throw themselves over the mountain tops, and fill the sky. OK, and the best part... the chicklets rise in the morning earlier when the light hits their bedrooms...

On thinking about the light, I am not so much in love with it that I need to move to Alaska or the North West Territories, now that is light gone crazy. I couldn't do light 24 hours a day... for a couple of months at a time. I do require a certain amount of darkness, so I guess there's a little vampire in me somewhere.

Monday, February 06, 2006

I can tell that by all the things that have happened so far. It's Monday, I need to remember that.

The boy is unusually grumpy, very grumpy. He isn't normally at all like this, he slugged his way to grade 5 school today, in a resistant growling sort of sluggish form. It was all very wierd, including the fact that we walked to school today, and we never walk on Mondays.

My Stroke Group was exceptional today. So I was told. That comment I didn't make up. People were leaving quite happy today, and yet, they leave quite happy every Monday... so I really want to know how bad I am screwing up on other days, if today was exceptional? Perhaps the comparison factor is off... in comparison to yesterday, when there wasn't a stroke group... you know, that sort of thing.

The lovely and overbearing teacher has totally scared the dark hairs out the miss blondy lady Pipster. I have heard this woman natter, natter and natter about the SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH, for weeks now... and now I have been hiding from this woman for days. She even called the house today, and was pretty much psycho about the non-speech work that the PIP didn't do this weekend. My phone vibrated into my ear as I heard the grade three teacher yell...."she is very, very far behind".... it was too bad that I had to wait through the whole freaking message so I could delete it... otherwise I would have to hear it again, and again, and again, and hearing it once, was bad enough. Good lord. I can only imagine how much squawking this grade three teacher did at the PIP, because the PIP burst into tears at the end of the day, and couldn't even fathom the word speech by 3:30 PM. I decided at this point to let the girl have some quiet time. I believe it was a good thing that I did not head down the street for the boys piano, it would have put the PIP over the absolute top had she had to go to piano.

In the meantime, the growling scowling grade 5 boy came out of the school in a happy mood this afternoon. It's too bad that I cancelled his piano lesson for today, as he hasn't picked up his books all week, and now that he had his smile back, he probably would be able to play magical music... ok maybe he could. Well, I mistakenly thought I had my boy back. He was pleasant for a number of hours, and he even played with the evil little sister on the trampoline for a great number of minutes, including cleaning up a ton of her stuffed toys they managed to amass outside in a very short period of time. But soon enough the growler came back to haunt the 1365 square foot abode... and since I didn't have the patience to even start to delve into his warped sense of right and wrong, I decided it was his bedtime. HA! ... at 8:30 PM, I even left the husbandman standing in the growlers bedroom in the dark, next to the growling boys desk... as the two of them had been doing his homework. There was no breaking through with the boy... the growler had to go.

Since the boys life had suddenly taken a spiral nose dive into hell, the girls life perked up. Little Miss Pip happily sat next to myself, and the computer, and narrated her "somewhat" acceptable speech, all about the desert. In this very amazing feat, it also included a huge amount of cooperation, and a pleasant attitude, plus, all free today, one free reading of the six paged beauty. The little lady PIP even managed to score up a couple of jokes and humour into this very dry subject. After I had witnessed the amazing presentation, we moved into her big pink book that she is trying to read aloud to me. Once again, this involved cooperation at it's finest. I can't believe that I have eyeballs left... the PIP usually tries to take out an eye or two, when we have to do such SMALL projects together. I am blessed!

Then... around the dinner time hour the husbandman called and wished for me to make him dinner(these demands just frighten me), instead, I decided to go out and try and put the window up in the 16 year old SUV. Upon re-entering the home I noticed that the little dog, L.P. was limping around the livingroom in a great way. I absolutely know she wasn't like this only 2 minutes before. She had no comment when I asked her what it was that she did to herself. As of this evening, she still seems tight lipped over the whole ordeal, and continues to limp.

And now... it is late. I have just watched my most favourite Monday night show "Dead Like Me", where no book too good can infiltrate my viewing pleasure...and then, the finest of creams to sit upon my cake.... I realized that is filmed in Vancouver. Hm. I like that.. and even better than that... I love the show.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I want to know how a 1365 square foot rancher finds itself in such a state. There's bits and pieces floating over here, and other things floating over there. I want it all gone... SNAP.

AND SO IT WAS DONE.

OK, moving on to more boring things of the day.

The stalker sister has not bothered to come and find me this morning. I figured she would hunt me down... and demand that I do things with her... like go for SUSHI. This is her very new, and very favourite thing to do. ALL THE TIME. Which is funny, because she quite hated sushi for the longest of times, and couldn't even speak of it. Which was quite sad for me, because that was all I ever thought of... all the time.

The sun has come out here on the Canadian portion of the West Coast. Exit your homes and vehicles slowly.... we don't want to scare it away.....AND don't look at it through your windows... as it will only depress you to see the amount of dust and film that has gathered on the windows and furniture during this time of continuous rain and cloud.....NOW GET OUT THERE AND ENJOY THE SUN.... WHILE YOU CAN...................

now....back to the regular sushi story

Now that she loves sushi so much all the time... there isn't a question as to where we will go for lunch, when the stalker stalks by.... like yesterday, ( I was just leaving the home on an orthodontic emergency with the superson.. somehow a wire had fallen out and into his cheek, which then left him bleeding, and MIRACULOUSLY silent,.... as he was unable to talk with a wire in his cheek... ) when the sister stalker walked in my front door and decided that she needed to immediately escort myself and the broken brace faced superson to the orthodontist office, then back to school again... the whole while keeping me in the passenger seat... so she could eventually end up with a sushi partner at the favourite sushi eating place. That was OK for me... because as paypack for the escort/stalker sister... I made her do a popcan return run with me...

Well, I must leave now... I am not certain how long the sun will be out for, but it's worthy of my complete and full attention.