Uwe Boll

We try not to make a habit of cheering failure (really, honestly, promise, we don’t), but we couldn’t help getting a little warm and runny inside when Battleship laid a big egg at the beginning of the summer, since the movie beat is filled with tales of great movies that no one sees, and terrible turkeys that make a fortune. But occasionally, people just don’t go see a barking dog of a picture, and that can be good for all of us — not just because time isn’t wasted and incompetence isn’t rewarded, but because Hollywood is a town that takes its cues from what does well, so when a bad idea fails, more are less likely to follow. So today, in honor of Battleship’s DVD/Blu-ray release tomorrow, we’ll take a look at a dozen big-time bombs, and what the movie industry did or didn’t learn from them.
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January is upon us, and we film fans know what that means: nothing good. The first month of the year is traditionally the dumping ground for Hollywood studios, the month in which they unload the films that aren’t quality enough for the Oscar-courting fall, but not commercial enough for the lucrative holiday, spring, and summer seasons. January is where bad movies go to die, and where studios hope we won’t notice them. They’re usually right; viewers either tend to catch up on the prestige pictures that are going into wider release, or just stay at home and watch football. But our nation’s film critics, fat and happy after the holiday feast of smart, highbrow entertainment, are often subjected to the sugar crash of January dogs, and as a result, their reviews often pack a little bit of extra vitriol. After the jump, we’ve assembled the ten worst movies released in the month of January — according to the reliable aggregators at Rotten Tomatoes — along with a few choice words from the scribes who sat through them.
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