It is very interesting when pisces is the ppp. or n.node....there is a deep underlying simple lesson wherein (as I see it) for it is the final equation of all the water triad (moon, our subjective consciousness experienced as an emotional being, pluto the soul-level consciousness again as an emotional being, and yet neptune/pisces is the origin of all that and everything else)...I can put this in words in a way of trying to describe what water itself is: it is certainly a funny thing, we taste it, and yet it has no taste, if it has there is something else in it that gives the ‘taste’ we can see it in many colors and yet it has no color, if we try to ‘grab’ it, it escapes our hands, it isn’t just ‘necessary’ for life, it is LIFE ITSELF......So to me the simplest way of understanding the confusions in your 12th house which is a confusion of relatively EVERYTHING that your soul experienced to this point of its evolution, is just simply to understand your own soul’s journey and the reasons for it....

Back to pluto, improving the very ways how your soul was trying to improve itself in both skipped step symbolism...neptune needs to be applied to the s.node: sort out that confusion, never again place such a value on a human being it will be removed sooner or later....place it on the Source consciously, step by step embrace the Source into your daily life....it can happen in many ways....meditation etc....point being a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to embrace the Source into your own subjective day to day reality......and then MIRACULOUSLY ALL ELSE WILL BE ADDED ONTO YOU....With n.node in leo in the 5th house, you need to RECOVER your heart...to allow yourself to love and receive love once again....not to be afraid of the unconscious past you need healing and liberation from that...by the way, of course neptune/jupiter and chiron is transiting your 11th house! And guess what? It is exactly OPPOSITE to your natal uranus! The causes and the traumas that lead to the conclusions (pluto) and the resulting intentions (mars) relative to those conclusions in the past....it is time for you to liberate from any false guilt, and to understand and embrace the real guilt....the reactions to what happened to you as a soul, and to others you once loved, and how mistakenly out of a misunderstanding was trying to shut your heart down, believing it was all wrong...so the message was, bloody hell, if love HURTS that much I do without it....so that’s how the story of love OF COURSE include and MUST INCLUDE HATE:-)...scorpio neptune..........for that’s the opposite of love of course within the subjective realities that our soul creates/experiences...it is only within the OBJECTIVE reality of the Source that there is no polarity no hate only love....

So that kind of higher reality relative to your soul’s consciousness is what intended to be embraced in this very life ...and with that very personal very emotional embrace (moon right on your ppp. in pisces, you need to personally and emotionally realise that you are OK, just a confused soul and God/ess indeed loves you personally (moon) and it truly understands all the paradoxes your soul is dealing with and the resulting confusions and the decisions that this resulted within your subjective consciousness) and based on that YOU NEED TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO HAVE JOY AND LOVE AGAIN WITH YOUR HEART OPEN ONCE AGAIN... It is okay to get hurt, it is okay to be traumatised to the point that we don’t think our heart can ever heal....for it is only an ILLUSION at the end...what we are isn’t dependent on what we may think/believe we are....that’s the key....

On the healing heart re-opening ways: in my view you are in the right country:-) there is a wonderful therapy which is very emotionally based, it called ‘Rebirthing’ but be careful ONE HUNDRED things called this way...the method I would suggest is the Australian method, which was taught by a wonderful Australian woman called Broonie Barter....she is typically one of those who the female aspect of the divine manifest: it rarely manifest in big names, it manifests through via many women who will pick up some important aspects of the Goddess’ healing intention and will pass it on....she is (to me) one of those hidden manifestations: she was a housewife for so long, and got herself into total stagnation, including alcoholism and total personal crisis: eventually she broke away from the marriage and was lead to Rebirthing ...she then realised via her own process what was the problem in the man -dominated therapy, so based on that she invented it via embracing her own instinctual motherly nature....this makes the method extremely emotionally deep and because of that it is freeing liberating on that very level...... and no other authority is there than the soul itself...the soul of the client I mean:-)

Try to look on the internet I don’t know where exactly you are but I am sure you can find someone that either graduated from her or a graduate of some of her students....your moon and neptune placement (to me) calls for deep emotional healing and of course this will free the context of your uranus...the deep held memories not one or two but many relative to what you need to embrace and understand from your own soul history (uranus) to free your heart via embracing consciously the reasons (it is very different when you embrace it FOR YOURSELF than if I or anyone try to tell you about it)....in my experience the other methods are far more intellectual and far more ‘structured’ so they are (to me) more patriarchal than this method....this allows you to recover your own death conclusions (that’s 8th house/scorpio) which of course is the major issue in your case for after each death you typically continued in some other confusion (neptune in scorp and in 8th)

Your consciousness will be able to easily embrace the memories and the resulting decisions and then you can do it for yourself the sorting out process that your pluto of course needs (6th house ) the real issue here is to sort our the actual reality of your soul. Once that’s done it will be easier to continue....This is by the way a process, far less expensive than the other methods, no leading, no suggestions, just support is there (i.e. unconditional love and acceptance for that is ALL we need in essence) you will go through emotionally all the stuff one by one (i.e. only what’s important relative to your own soul) so it does not happen all at once, for it is emotional it needs PROCESSING TIME...but it can for sure save you a few life times to sort things out:-) ...for otherwise we will create things and live through the traumas again....so instead you can accelerate this process with this deeply emotional method of recollection and process the resulting death conclusions and beliefs....one by one....If I remember right Julia Butler is one of those who graduated in my time and I believe she is still in Australia somewhere....you can find her on the web and can ask her if she knows somebody in your area...You would need to commit to at least 8 sessions ...that’s the minimum .....emotions need time and processing it can‘t be rushed....yet evolution happens only on that level, only if we can truly embrace something emotionally....all else just helping the process (like intellect) but the real issue is what’s embraced emotionally and what hasn’t....

Well, of course this is just my personal advice:-)......of course do whatever feels right to you IN YOUR HEART.I can’t emphasise enough how important it is for you to listen to your heart -no regard how traumatised it is still IT IS your personal guiding light in this very life time.....just listen to it.....YES, DARE TO LISTEN TO IT AND FOLLOW IT!

By the way what you talked about as your ‘ego’ is (to me) a total confusion....that’s your alienated, intellectualised consciousness (Sat. on s.node) ....your actual self image is so confused in the 12th in pisces that almost ANYTHING at all can ‘feel right’ for a while...like you saying ’my ego is this or that.’...to me at least NONE of those terms have much reality for the alienated consciousness simply creates and your mars of course has the resolution node in that s.node: all your anger, your desire to kill your soul and everything your ever loved, believed etc. etc. or even everything that‘s was alive etc. ..So that resolving the original traumas as the CAUSE of that alienated consciousness along with the absolute rage because of it, will resolve that.....only if we understand WHY something happened can we objectively understand what actually happened.....

So again the ACTUAL reality of your soul (6th house virgo) need to be unravelled, and because you have scorpio 8th house and neptune in it, in my view you need actual AND DIRECT PROOF...i.e. direct experiences of unraveling the past life memories so that you would NOT RELY on the intellectualy based views or opinions of ANYONE (myself included) but the very factual (6th house virgo) context of your own soul (pluto)

So for that I would suggest to approach some methods to:1) heal the confusion and the underlying pain carried in the heart still today (via the above or some other DIRECT past life methods that have the capacity of emotional healing, it would be no good at all to have an intellectual approach only) 2) Develop and embrace a method via which you can connect to God/ess but the NATURAL GOD/ESS ON A DAILY BASIS....3) paralell to no 2) find ways of implementing the improvement/correction need in the 6th house, via improving the WAYS how your soul was trying to improve itself....it has to be imprved in meaningful ways - instead of taking on another layers of confusion about it.

So karma yoga can be meaningful if the first two is place, for otherwise (at least in my view) it can reinforce the ‘skip a step’ again, if the sorting out steps within the virgo 6th house as the bottomline for everything haven’t been sorted....the skipped steps are relative to that pluto placement....it is the underlying ‘double sword’ which is then reflected in every house in the chart....Metamorphosing the 6th pluto will give the right ‘order’ the right underlying understanding relative to the original misunderstanding (relative to lilith conj. pluto)

BUT be careful for evil (lucifer is conj. lilith and pluto!!!) is trying to KEEP YOU DOWN to induce false guilt and to induce RAGE on the soul level because of it, and so that rage then INDUCES the soul to act out of the rage itself...causing REAL guilt again.....that’s the mars in taurus skipped step, that’s the FALSE understanding and the reaction to that false blinded understanding relative to the original confusion.....On that note: this was extremely emphases during the last 2000 years via the judeo chrisitian era....the more you were ‘trying to do’ what has been said was right the more rage accumulated in the soul for the WAYS that you bought into as self improvement etc. were of course wrong in essence.....in the last 2000 years were increasingly locking your soul in the skipped steps....going nowhere...neptune is retro so there has been a lot of effort to understand what the heck god (of course the patriarchal god) really wants and a lot of rage because of it....increased suppression of the heart and of the senses etc. etc....but that’s just the last chapter on top of the already existing total confusion before that time.....

So that all needs to be sorted out step by step (6th house) ....neptune retro in scorpio as well as urania in your 6th in 0 libra point to the way of liberation of this confusion...Remember it is okay to see with the heart even if it hurts! It will heal it will become whole again once you go through a metamorphosing healing journey....Evil blinded you in two ways: making you feel guilty for what wasn’t at all wrong, and then once your heart was ripped apart, making you believe it is self defence and the only way to exist is if you act ‘without heart’ raging in the world for that blown out, lost heart...raging at god in essence for creating this ‘hell’ so to speak....

.....embrace your heart back, CHOSE love again, find the joys of being loved and being able to love, for there is indeed nothing else real ’value’ in creation.... ...the misunderstanding was believing that this was the problem........BUT chose to love the Source ABOVE anything else......everythig esle is just a reflection......so on that base you can forgive for the illusions of the ‘maya’ forgive for all who hurt you and realise your heart can NOT BE lost....it’s the essence of all of us.....neptune is the higher octave of venus.....those who hurt you at the first place have been cought up in the illusion on their own ways.... they too have been confused just as you became after the facts....

But it is the HEART of the issue to understand that you soul isn‘t evil and didn’t want anything wrong at the first place......it just wanted to love and be loved and it served that love....it just done it in the wrong way..it was a bit blind out of confusing human love with divine love.....this was perhaps god/ess‘ way to teach you the difference ....ppp. in pisces in the 12th......so in the bigger picture this is just a lesson to embrace....to step into fully the spiritual state.....

OOOPS:-) says the soul in eternity:-).....while here in life within the manifested creation that ‘oops’ can take a few thousand years of total confusion:-)...but at the end that‘s all it is...a misunderstanding we need to recover from........So if you can see it that way....and chose to embrace back your heart.......improvement will come to you if you allow yourself to fully open your heart again, to love again and allow others to love you again.....it just needs to be done differently than in the past.......so yes to family, yes to loved ones, yes to children, yes to life, BUT remember the whole lot is ruled by what? your leo 5th is ruled by sun in cancer and sun is ruled by that PPP. conj. MOON! It is all Divine Mother who manifest through it all...even through you, your confused sense of self image......so see Her behind the illusions, find security within via your love for HER in all it’s manifestation but never mix up the order again...put HER first and everything else comes after that......On a personal level, placing the moon into it’s polarity points to the deep emotional healing you need...then you can understand what Divine mother wants you to do....it would be sure some form of healing work but only after you healed yourself....

Hope this makes sense??

(and sorry again for the long windedness:-)) I’ll shut up for another week :-))

Love and blessings,

Lia

I was reading and rereading the closing portions of Lia's post, and the following sentance created a 'boing' within me.

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So if you can see it that way....and chose to embrace back your heart.......improvement will come to you if you allow yourself to fully open your heart again, to love again and allow others to love you again.....

I suddenly remembered those times when the Mother came to me, and my heart burst (way too) open (...for me), and I was sitting in pain and sorrow and poignancy and love and self-hate and the Mother's over-riding LOVE of me, and I wrote the following in my journal, in order to TRY to remember this sense of absolute love. For, unfortunately, when this comes over me, it seems the most important thing ever, but when it goes away, it takes with it all memories of its coming, until the next time it comes, when I think, 'Oh, how oh how could I have forgotten THIS?'

from my journal:

Early early this morning, in the dark predawn, I was thinking upon love, and its vastness eluded me. So, then, I contemplated Love … but with my heart only, and my mind mercifully switched off to my own condition. I suddenly found my heart wondering, ‘what was it that I forgot, and so still am forgetting to feel?’ And then, miraculously:

Suddenly, i have remembered the Great Mother’s Love for me…Her opened Heart embracing, an absolute and unconditional Love for me. Even as i feel the Love, my heart swells, and yet carries within it the very fear of losing Her Love. For, each time Her Love comes, Her Love is absolute, and more real than my own bones now within me. Yet, every time it leaves, i soon forget it, and forget all-too-soon again even the memory of it. i am too small. i only remember to dwell on the pain i have allowed into this life.

The absence of Her Love is not as terrible as the fear of losing Her Love when it is that i am feeling it, for in the absence of Her Love, mind and heart blanks, dimmer and dimmer, into numbness of memory and hardness of heart. Mind speaks, and the heart no longer listens for Her. Oh why is it that my mind cannot learn what it MUST KNOW, what even my heart too soon forgets: that i can never lose Her Love, as i am only temporarily (and yes voluntarily) removed from Her while i am in this flesh.

The greatness of Her is Her Absolute Love; the smallness of me is my abiding fear. i would have the fear, and have it instant by instant, if only to be allowed to taste of a memory of this penetrating and encompassing Love.

When i open to Her continuing Love, i realize what it is that i forget at all other times: She is true and steadfast, is ever aware of me, and cares not what i say or do, or what i have ever said or done. She is only aware of THAT peripherally, and only because i continue to carry it. If i was to drop that, and carry it no more, then She would again be unaware of it, for She does not care about that!, and knows it only because i continue to know it.

She loves me (and all of us); She supports me (and All of us); She is always there for me (and All of Us); She is eternally Loving, and shall never remove that Love (from ANY of US!)

She is a fuzzy embracing softness and a gentle pervasive heat. She enfolds us, quickly, at our will and wish, and stays away, but only at our wish and will. She is ever eager to come to us, and, in fact, waits just beside us for us to call. She waits in yesterday, in case we look back, and is already there in tomorrow eager for us to come to Her…to call Her to be near us. And so it is…for ALL of Us.

To enter Her Heart is to allow Her to enter mine.Seek Her Heart, and She will find yours, and so, looking within, you will find Her in your heart… and you will know Her as Love itself.

Her Heart is why our hearts beat. Her Love is why we each can know love. Know that you are Loved, absolutely.

See your self through Her Eyes, feel your self with Her Heart, and so Love your self…absolutely…

I was trying to capture an emotional feeling that I could embed within my own heart in order to (please please) remember the depth of the Great Mother's Absolute Love (as mentioned in my previous post). Here is what I came up with...for me.

Blessings to All who Read This,Stephen

Imagine your mother, and you are small, troubled and troubling, and you run to her, in your pain and confusion, since you have hurt yourself, and hurt another, and hurt yourself in your own hurting of another, and so you are in pain, and guilt, and self-loathing, and self-defiance, and angry at yourself for hurting someone, and angry at yourself for your own weakness in being hurt and feeling anger because of it...and you leap into (and at) your mother, and somewhat slam into her chest, all fury and hurt and elbows and anger and pain and knees and loathing and breathless with a tight heart-filled chest and hot tears just behind your eyes and a grimace stretching your face, all unknown to yourself...and you cling to her, and press yourself into her and through her even if you can, holding soooo tight, and you are small and chilled, and she is large and warm, and you look up into her face, is she angry? for you leaping at her squeezing her hurting her hurting the other hurting yourself ... ?

And...she is smiling down upon you, a gentle smile with her head tilted oh so slightly to the side, and she squeezes you even closer smiling her love into your heart and looking into your eyes looking through your eyes into the very soul of you reminding you of your very soul by the extreme brilliance of her own soul looking deeply into yours... the memory of the hurt and the anger and the pain cannot be remembered in that pure love unconditional acceptance for you, who you are, what you are, what you do, what you have done...

There is no need for absolution, for she cares not what you have done, there is no need for forgiveness, for she knows that you are you and she absolutely loves you for it, there is no space between you, for now you know - She is more than your earthly mother, for you have forgotten, It is Her!, She is the very essence of mothering, She is the archetype of nuturing and tolerance and acceptance and LOVE, there is no judgement, for She is not of that mind, and She Herself does not know that mind of being judgement...the only judgement comes from your own self, and so in the intense Light of Her Love you choose to drop that judgement of yourself, and you see that She sees you drop that and you feel forgiveness for yourself, there in Her arms, in the embrace of the very Great Mother of the Cosmos...

Do you not snuggle further into Her embrace...this Great Mother of the Cosmos, who birthed you and all others and everything? You know Her as the feminine face of the Divine, and you are Her Beloved Child.

But if we understand the fact that north node (of moon) conj. venus in leo in 5th, while venus itself ALSO conj. to its own south node in leo (but it falls to the 4th house) it becomes clear that the past and the present comes in 'full circle' regarding venus in leo.....it is about both, self actualisation and the issues of the 'heart'.....while the neptune skipped step is the higher octave of venus....sun ruler of both the south node of venus and current venus/conj. north node, it becomes clear that the soul is destined to "go back" somewhere and start a new cycle within this symbolism ...but it's intended to do it now in a different way....for it's not a circle it is a spiral, the evolutionary spiral on which we reach a higher level as we go 'around'.....coming back means we have come to full circle and we are now on a different level.....

Neptune's resolution node is the north node in 5th in leo conj. venus: it is to do with the need to re-open and renew the heart but in a different way......while mars resolution node is the s.node; to join groups once again but now those groups that truly serve humanity, not just say so; that bring indeed liberation not just promise so....for THAT was the individual understanding (uranus) and the belief (neptune) of the soul....Saturn and neptune are retro in the chart...

Mars is ruled by venus (in the present as well as in the past!) Mars' south node is libra 7th house; the outer side of venus in the past, and the inner side of venus in the present via the taurus mars......so we are going back to venus in many different ways....the soul is destined to come back and resolve the underlying 'heart issues' and 'self actualisation' issues, to be able to do it in the right way......behind which is the inner and outer relationship with oneself and with others ....question is what is the base for any of these relationships?

.....that's what the sun's ruler moon in pisces in 12th conj. ppp trying to teach: the divine must come FIRST and everything comes only AFTER that .....if that lesson is not resolved the misplaced trust and the wrongly projected ideals will continue along with the confusion/disillusionment/trauma/anger/guilt so all the grand cross patterns ...

Thank you so very much for this further information Lia!

The clarity that you are continuing to provide me makes it so much easier for me to understand my path. I have been telling my wife for some time now, 'If only I knew what to do, I would apply my personal intensity to do it!'

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Neptune's resolution node is the north node in 5th in leo conj. venus: it is to do with the need to re-open and renew the heart but in a different way...... the soul is destined to come back and resolve the underlying 'heart issues'

When I 'crack open' my heart a bit, a flood of devastating emotions has always come out, and totally overwhelmed me, and I shrink away. So...for now, until I am able to budget some type of help with this issue (it is always hard for me to ask for help), I am just sitting with the pain and the emotions, using the one-two breathe technique as described by JWG. Additionally, I place my palms over my heart and give myself Reiki...

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......while mars resolution node is the s.node; to join groups once again but now those groups that truly serve humanity, not just say so; that bring indeed liberation not just promise so....for THAT was the individual understanding (uranus) and the belief (neptune) of the soul....

Perhaps the group mentioned is the EA Community? I haven't reached out to join a group since the intensity of the Martial Arts days, but even within those groups, due to the ALPHA(male) syndrome, those groups often simple became 'groups of one' if you know what I mean...?

So, on that note, I would like to again express my thanks to the EA Community for the inclusion and sharing and acceptance for all of us who wind up on the EA Doorstep, so to speak.

Blessings to the EA Community,and to All who Wander by and read this,Stephen