Sunday, August 19, 2012

I decided to go for a walk. I find that being outside of four walls really helps when my emotions are taking a belly flop.

And in rural New Mexico, where I now live, I find it pretty well impossible to stay down for long when I go outside. Mountains, big fluffy clouds, hummingbirds, sunflowers growing along the roadside... it's enough to make me want to learn to use my camera! (That's another long story.)

I crossed the acequia (beautiful, rock-lined irrigation stream) near my home, walked across a meadow, and followed a driveway that passes by a horse pasture.

Two of the horses looked up and clearly signalled that they were curious about me. I love horses, so I decided to return the favor. I walked towards the fence marking their space and started telling them how beautiful they were... two gorgeous chestnut horses, gleaming in the sun, one with a narrow, lightning shaped blaze on its forehead.

I guess they liked the sound of me, since they ambled on over to the fence, poked their heads over and started sniffing me and generally checking me out. I started to stroke the one closest to me. It was somewhat interested, then started to move on.

The second horse was very interested, though. It responded to a few strokes along its neck by putting its mouth and nose right next to my throat and treating me to ten or fifteen rounds of the sound and warmth of its breath, exhaled across my throat and face.

I am new to the country and new to horses. My instincts said, no problem, so I stood there fairly calmly, receiving the beauty of its breath with all the presence I could muster. And of course, I also registered the fact that I don't know much about what to look out for when spending time up close with a horse, and its big teeth were right next to my throat. My decision in the moment was to stay for a while.

I was mesmerized enough that I can't exactly remember now who backed off first, but I bet it was me.

The horse and I hung out a little longer from a farther distance, looking at one another. I continued telling that horse how beautiful I thought he/she (gender was not revealed in this encounter) was.

I discovered on this visit that horses have impossibly exquisite eyes! I was amazed by the shape, by the quality of the light reflected by their eyes, and by the integration of power and tenderness I saw in their eyes.

Those horses returned me to my equilibrium, and I was able to take several productive actions over the rest of the evening.

This morning, I searched the web and found inspiring information about the qualities horses demonstrate and can teach us.

I also found this video that brought me to tears through its exploration of horses and the connection between them and the human spirit.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My intention was to leave all the posts about the Feel the Love, Get the Respect CD up at this blog. (I've been promoting that CD at this blog for roughly the past year.)

However, I have decided to remove that CD from the public marketplace. Over the next few weeks, I will also be editing most of the posts directly related to the first tracks of the CD so that those posts no longer continue irrelevant information related to the CD.

An emerging theme in my life over the past year and a half has been my growing discovery that from earliest childhood on, I have been involved in mind control and programming. I have only slowly begun to understand the full implications of having had this experience.

In mind control and programming activities, children are tortured and traumatized, in such a way that they cannot remember what happened to them. Some people ultimately start recovering their memories, and after many decades of self-healing efforts, I am now one of those people.

According to my present understanding, the purpose of the activities I got caught up in is to create a fragmented mind and personality structure. A fragmented person can be more easily controlled and "used" for various purposes.

At the time I recorded the CD, I knew I had had a very tough life. I did not know I had been subjected to mind control and programming. I didn't even know that such activities existed. I believe that recording the CD and singing out my intentions that humanity receive love and respect catapulted me into my discovery of the truth of what has happened in my life.

I still think there is a great deal of beauty and power on the CD I made. However, I have also become acutely aware of how the fractures within myself impacted the quality of the project. I no longer feel I can stand behind it with full integrity.

It is time for me to let it go, focus on self-healing work, and eventually bring forth new creations.

If anything I am saying here rings a bell for you, I can tell you that I've begun finding help for the issues facing me at the sites I list immediately below. For the record, I make no profit for mentioning any of these sites.

My original plan for this blog, www.praiseincarnation.blogspot.com, was to focus it on a CD project I was promoting for a time. However, I'm no longer continuing with that project for complex reasons related to my recent discovery that I have been a recipient of mind control/programming, as practised in the MK-Ultra program and others. Click here for more details.

I have edited this blog so that the CD is no longer part of it, and instead what you will find is a series of ideas and musings related to conscious, mutually supportive communion with natural/physical/biological intelligence.

Friday, August 3, 2012

I went outside to stand barefoot on the ground and do my morning meditations and prayers, albeit a little late today.

A hummingbird whizzed by me and started feeding in the midst of a large mass of flowers.

A spontaneous inspiration arose. I really wanted my body and mind to be respectful of the life of the hummingbird, and I know that my consciousness is still growing towards the place where I am respectful of nature all the time.

I spoke to natural/biological/physical intelligence...

"Nature, I give you 100 percent permission to align my pleasure with the life and pleasure of the hummingbird."

I could feel chronic tensions in my body dissolving, and new aliveness entering many of my cells. (I won't say all my cells, since I'm not functioning at the level of awareness where I can register all of them consciously.) The feeling in my genitals, especially the head of my clitoris, shifted significantly.

My mental functioning changed too, the best description I can give for it is that a new kind of spaciousness emerged around my head and my thoughts.

I realized, "I really want to write about this!" As I was having that thought, the hummingbird came out of the flowers, flew straight for me, and hovered about arm's length away from me, chest directly facing my eyes, for maybe five to eight seconds. (I'll note that according to Karla McLaren, arm's length distance around the skin-encased body is where the major boundary of the emotional body exists in most people.)

After paying me this visit, the hummingbird returned to the flowers.

Amazed, I decided to extend the break I was taking from my regular meditation routine and continue experiencing the new pleasures coming to me as a result of the dialogue with Nature intelligence I describe here.

Several other birds then flew into my close vicinity, and calmly went about their business.

Then I realized that I could do this particular dialogue with natural/physical/biological intelligence every morning as part of my meditations, focusing on a different plant or creature. I'm certain that each one could teach me new things about the varieties and magnitude of pleasure possible on this planet.

I close here, during this writing, with a "Thank you, Nature."

If you don't live near hummingbirds, here's a video introducing you to these beautiful creatures. This presentation gets really interesting, in my opinion, around the three-minute mark, when the narrator starts talking about how hummingbirds are "tough as nails." They're also insect predators, since they need protein as well as nectar, and some species live in arctic-like conditions at 12,000 feet of altitude in the Andes...