How long?

How long am I going to hold on to something that was never really there for me to grasp in the first place? When am I going to stop dreaming and hoping for it to return? How long am I going to keep all the emails and when will I stop reading them over and over. How long am I going to keep letting myself be "punished" by other men because of what I let happen to me? How damn long am I going to keep doing this to myself? I've promised myself never never ever ever again in this life time will I allow myself any kind of betrayal like that but how frickin long am I going to keep betraying myself? It bloody well HURTS!

When I start to love and find myself first and realise how much I've been used. To realise that 'love' by men I attract out there is full of bullshit and lies or their feigning innocence/pretending they don't know what I'm talking about when I highlight what they've done, said and how it IS all fucking bullshit, lies and manipulation.

When you stop expecting anything from anybody. Yeah it hurts but these men don't love you. Regardless of the shit they spew out from their emails. And it does hurt to realise what you've been in. :hug: