So I was perusing your author's page looking for something of yours to read, and well, I've always had a soft spot for the Prewett brothers so I couldn't say no to this.

This was simply gorgeous. I don't know how you do it - you make it seem so simple. You take ordinary words and make them into something magical, that's for sure. I even fell in love with your description of Arthur's tool shed!

I loved reading the progression of Marlene and Fabian's relationship (if you could even call it that). I've always imagined Fabian as someone who loves fiercely, and you can see evidence of that here in your writing, whereas Marlene is more cautious to jump into something like that, to build up a foundation that may not withstand the destruction of war. The dialogue in the shop, about fighting for families, that was so well done too. Very honest.

In that last scene, the last time that Fabian saw her, you could sense the urgency, those feelings that held him back. Just...gah, so heartbreaking. Especially some of those last lines that made my heart ache: He would fight for his family, and he would fight for Marlene McKinnon, for the life they never had together.

The Weasleys are such a strong family unit here, and I love that Molly offers her brothers a place to stay despite their full house. The first little bit with Percy not letting his uncle in amused me, especially his little comment about the twins tying Ron to a broomstick. It's just little details like that that bring this family to life for me and you did such a beautiful job with it.

I really loved this. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'm very sorry about what happened to both of these characters in canon -- we never hear much about the Prewetts except asides from Molly from time to time and even in her brevity you can tell how much she loved her brothers. One of the reasons I love writing AUs is the chance to give a character a different fate, which is why I brought the Prewetts back for Unwritten -- still killed off poor Marlene, though. :(

I just laughed to myself thinking of how you could possibly get another broomstick into Arthur's shed, especially glad you liked that scene! Thanks again! (and reading this over, I think I got Percy's age wrong so it's time for an update to this fic hehe)

(this is my 3rd time trying to do this so forgive me if it's shorter) this was beautiful. Your writing is amazing. I love how you describe ordinary things and make them beautiful. You even use language that I can understand but the structure makes the scene that much more magical for me. This was my favorite line: On the groomed plain below, poplar trees stood like chess pieces against the lemon-colored dawn.

There was some trouble I had with the first section. Mainly because Gideon seemed to randomly appear and I did not even realize he was hurt until they'd gotten to the living room.

Other than that I was completely with you and enthralled. I love that you started at the end and brought us back to the beginning. Fabian is a character I've probably read two stories about. The fact that you were able to bring him to life for me was fantastic. Marlene also seems like a strong-willed girl and it's awful that she wasn't able to live to her full potential. The way you wrote their friendship was sweet and I'm happy it ended on a hopeful note.

xChar

Author's Response: Char, thank you for your helpful review! I see where the confusion regarding Gideon may have come in -- I wasn't intending him to be physically hurt, just stunned and unable to deal with the news. (I will go back and add a few sentences to clear this up)

This story is extra special to me for many reasons, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you!

Hello Mary! I'm here from Review Tag to leave one for you :)
AND OH MY GOD, so glad I chose this piece. It's absolutely lovely. I haven't read much about Fabian, but I love the way you've characterised him. The depth of his character really came through, even in so short a story. You've a real way with words my dear.
I like the way you've structured this, beginning and ending with the scene at the Burrow and dating the bits in between. I feel as if the romance was really well communicated without having to spell it out for the reader. And the tragedy, but the strength and resolve Fabian proceeds with, is so touching.
Very much enjoyed this Mary!
xoxo
Shiloh

Author's Response: Shiloh, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had trouble setting up the structure and wondered whether to date the sections, so I'm glad it came through well for you. Thanks again!

At six, Percy had the makings of common sense, even if he hadn't yet learned not to shove it in other people's faces. - I ADORE this line, so much so it is worthy of caps abuse! it speaks so much of the percy we know and love and you captured such a huge part of his character-to-be in such a simple line.

Gideon slumped on Molly's sofa like a broken scarecrow.. this is a gorgeous line Mary. Such a sad sad image. It's brilliant and i love it.

Something about her was always a little undone, a little unfinished. this line speak so much about character. what an awesome little sentence!! the reader is yet to met Marlene and yet this gives so much about her in one tiny burst.

Fabian loved the way Marlene spoke, her Highland cadence a lighter, girlish version of McGonagall's burr. He had a feeling he could spend a happy evening listening to Marlene read a Muggle telephone directory. I LOVE this! such a romantic notion that really speaks of Fabian's feelings. I hate it when romance is overstated or overdone, but i get the feeling i won't encounter that problem here.

I love that she didn't know which one he was! there is something so incredibly sweet and naive but knowing in that scene.

the March 1981 scene is full of potency. it is very powerful and shows so much of who they are in one small section. i loved the line about marlene thinking she was not like lily potter.

I got lost in your words from here on in and there were heaps of little bits i adored but i won't post them, only this: "Mum! Ronnie climbed out of his cot and fell right on his face!" made me laugh! such a real moment in the middle of something so tragic and human.

Darling this was brilliant. thank you so much for asking me to read it.

now, to what you actually wanted me to comment on.

I can't help much with the summary because i am terrible at them - i think what you have is fine.

the balance is perfect mary. don't change a thing. nothing at all, understand? i love it. i love that you structured it the way you did - it really worked.

the characters are AMAZING!! don't change a thing about them either. they are so real and human and flawed and i love that we saw marlene as kind of elusive, something that fabian tries to hold on to but can't. that adds to the tragic nature of this story.

I could see you expanding on this, but at the same time, i think it stands beautifully on its own. if you were to expand it, marlene needs more screen time, lol. i am very taken with your characterisation of her and would love to see more of her, but only through others eyes. i think if you wrote from her POV something would be lost with her character. i think it is better to see her as others do.

i loved it. beautifully written piece.
Kate xx

Author's Response: thanks so much Kate, I'm really glad you enjoyed it! I will definitely keep in mind your thoughts about Marlene and any POVs in the expanded version -- I agree that her mystery would be taken away if we knew exactly what she was thinking. I would probably stick with Fabian's POV if I were to continue.

This is beautiful, Mary. I went through several ways I could open this review but all of them seemed very juvenille especially in the face of the tone of this piece.

It's so well-written--it makes you not want to imagine the Prewett twins or Marlene any other way. You have this real gift for capturing the magic and intensity and just--just overall feeling of the books, if that makes any sense. I feel like this could be part of what JKR would write if she inked out the pre-Hogwarts/Marauders era. You have such a gift for little details that make things so real, like you're watching something and you're reporting it, but you're capturing the feeling and significance of moments, too. I would take out some favorite quotes, but I just can't copy the entire story here. The ending was so powerful--Molly with her babies, Gideon crying into Fabian's shoulder--the 'I don't want you to be alone' thing just really got me--also Gid's 'that sounds like something to fight for'--'if we don't defeat him, our children will'--it's just all perfect. It's--ah. I can't say anything else.

Oh, holy chocolate frogs card!! This was just incredible!! I've never read anything about the Prewitt twins before, but I've always been curious about who they were and what they would have been like. I can't imagine a more perfect characterization for the two. They fit so well with the rest of the family - I can see some of each of the Weasley children in Fabien, which is so lovely to see. Even though they lost their uncles and never had the chance to know them, a piece of them both lives on in each.

"If we don't defeat him, our children will."

OMG CAN'T EVEN FORM COHERENT SENTENCES SO FREAKING TOUCHING AND HEARTBREAKING AND OMG I CAN'T EVEN

Loved this so, so, so much.
-heart-

Author's Response: aww, thanks :) When I was writing this story I realized the older Weasley kids (Bill, Charlie, Percy) would remember their uncles well even if the younger ones would not -- that made it doubly sad for me for some reason! I'm really glad you liked it!

Mini Percy! The opening is far too cute. The little fledglings of the big Weasley clan and that lovely family dynamic - and then, bam. Bad news. 'Gideon slumped on Molly's sofa like a broken scarecrow' - love this piece of imagery!

'Something about her was always a little undone, a little unfinished.' - that's a perfect introduction to Marlene's character. I love her already. She's just perfect, and the lovelyness (I might have made that word up) of her meeting with Fabian makes it all the more tragic that we know she'll be dead a year later.

'Fabian squeezed his eyes shut. When he opened his eyes, would he find he was dreaming? Would he see the contours of his pillow, the half-full tumbler of water standing beside his old pocket watch?' - this. So much tragedy communicated in such a simple way.

This one-shot was astounding. I loved it. You managed to write about the simple beauty of their relationship and the tragedy of her death so well - the piece fluctuated between optimism and sadness quite nicely (well, if that made an ounce of sense.) Generally, I don't read much from the Marauders/pre-war era - this is possibly the first thing I've read. I must confess I've never really been interested in that era at all. I came to this fic on the reccomendation of a couple of friends, and I'm so glad I decided to read it. It's so beautifully written and tragic at the same time. Really, really lovely job - 10/10 ♥

Author's Response: aww, thank you :) I am especially grateful for your comments on the imagery -- the line about Fabian hoping he was dreaming was from the original short story I adapted this from so I'm especially glad you liked that. I think the tragedies of this era are missed in light of the greater scope of the Second Wizarding War, but I've always been moved by what little snippets we have in the books. There is a lot of emotional territory to explore.

I adore pre-hogwarts stories. I know that technically it's maurader's era, but I'm not going to split hairs with myself when I should be leaving you a review for this beautifully written one-shot!

I've always wondered about Marlene. People seem to like to pair her with Sirius, but I've never really thought that fit. She was very... real here. I liked her. She felt like someone I could run into in my life, and I think that made her death so much more tragic. I also adore Fabian and Gideon. I've never written them (mostly because I think I would probably end up with some desperately sad story again like with Hestia Jones) but now I don't think I ever will, because this has kind of become my canon.

Her gossamer curls caught and tangled amongst drooping garlands of holly tacked to the shelves. - this line really stood out to me. I could see the scene so easily. Beautiful description used in exactly the right way.

Great writing! I really enjoyed this!

Annie

Author's Response: Yes, I wasn't sure which era to place it in, I think it falls in the gap between Marauders and Pre-Hogwarts. If it had an actual Marauder as a main character I might have put it in Marauders. I'll move it if need be later on :)

Marlene & Sirius might have had a thing in the past, I'm still not sure about that, but if I ever continue this story I'll be sure to answer that question! ;)

I'm especially glad you liked the image of Marlene's hair stuck to the holly, that was one of my favorites as I was writing; she seems like the kind of character who really didn't notice whether her hair looked bad or her hems were coming down, her focus was so intense. Thanks so much for your kind review :)

Oh, wow. This was so lovely. I loved the perspective of it, it just seemed to flow very nicely. And the jumping between time, while it can be confusing in some stories, was wonderful here. I loved how you announced Marlene's death and then flashed back so that we could see not just what Fabian's reaction to such an event was, but rather why he had it, if that makes any sense.

On a lighter note, little Percy was adorable. :D

But really, all in all, this is a fantastic little one-shot. It's thoughtful and touching and almost melodic in the way it is written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I feel as though I should thank you for writing something so nice to read. :) Good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind comments! I'm so happy you enjoyed it.

That's all I can really say! This was such a terrific piece of fiction. I genuinely think so. You have done such a fabulous job of conveying tone and writing lovely characters that the audiences adores. I especially loved how you portrayed little Percy!

10/10 -- brilliant!

ash

Author's Response: Thank you! Little Percy was a ball to write for -- he's a thorn in everyone's side even at such a tender age but he has his heart in the right place trying to rescue baby Ron from Fred and George. Thinking of having that many toddlers / preschool age kids in the house at once -- plus an infant -- is overwhelming, it would be fun to go back to the baby Weasleys someday :) Thanks again and hope you enjoy my other stories!

i loved the flow of this. everything meshed together so well. the flashbacks and the dates. it wasn't confusing, or randomly shuffled together.

"What about the kids? What kind of world will they grow up in?"

that's a great question. what kind of world? and molly's hopeful optimism. marlene. she's always such a mystery, isn't she? mentioned once or twice in canon, but you've fleshed her out in such a way (and in a one-shot, too!) that she seems so real, and you feel almost embittered...with and for her.

even in such a short piece, i really just love the characterization you've managed to do. i feel like i know them, even if i don't know anything about them, you know? even in such dark times, i sense there's this deep undertone of hopefulness, and molly really does state it: they might not succeed, but maybe their children will. isn't that what all parents think? :)

great one-shot! i really enjoyed reading it. beautifully written and crafted! well done. :D

♥

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I am glad the timeline and the flashback structure worked out as well as the very brief view of Marlene's character. I grew quite attached to her writing this piece and hated that I had to end it the way I did. I'm really tempted to go back and write what happened "before." Thanks again!

This was a lovely one-shot. So sad, but very beautiful. This line right here quite literally gave me chills:

"We have to hope," she said quietly, resting her hand on her belly. "If we don't defeat him, our children will."

You don't know how right you are, Molly. Gah. That was just perfect foreshadowing, very poignant.

Marlene McKinnon is not someone we're very familiar with, and I like the way you painted her - with the broken stitches and her desire to save emotional relationships for after the war, so that she won't have to be too close to the dead. How ironic that she, Fabian, and Gideon all ended up dying.

I especially loved the imagery you used when Fabian and Marlene were on patrol outside Malfoy Manor, with the lemon sunrise and chapped lips and poplar trees like chess pieces. I was really admiring your skill there.

Well done! Great story about the realistic aspects of love and war. 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much :) I had hoped I wasn't too heavy-handed with the foreshadowing, glad to hear it came off well! I really appreciate your taking the time to review!

Wow, this was brilliant. I thought the structure of snapshots was so effective - this is only a one-shot and yet it feels like a long chaptered fic, just because you developed the characters very well. I really liked reading about lesser known characters, which I know I don't do often enough.

I like how this romance focused on the characters and wasn't drowning in flowery language, especially for this era. I do love a bit of flowery language myself - but this was perfect. That being said, there was some lovely description of small details (the poplars like chess pieces) and I really liked the description of Marlene in the book store, the way it focused on little things, because I feel that in that moment we were looking through Fabian's eyes noticing all the beautiful, little things about her. I like how you developed her character.

Really loved the Weasley house setting too, a lovely sense of family at the end. Much enjoyed :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I came up with the image of the lemon sky and chess-piece trees while driving on the interstate at dusk and had to write it down when I got to the next rest stop.

The characters definitely took on a life of their own for me as well, which meant I was really sad this was canon :( Anyway, I'm so happy you liked it, and thank you for your kind words.

I am always wary of reading Marauders, simply because it seems that everyone either dies at some point (James, Lily, Sirius) or turns out to be a complete git (Wormtail). I've never really read anything about the Prewett brothers (and Molly) so this is definitely new territory for me.

And what lovely territory it is. The reader already has some sort of dramatic irony, not just because the first section, but because of the general era. And I loved the first section! Baby Weasleys, a perfectly characterised Percy and a hell of a cliffhanger!

The rest just gets better and better - you seem to mix simplicity and the scope of the disaster so that levels of angst are just right: not too overpowering so people go off and kill themselves or get bored because they are just reading an internal monologue, but then not too little so it's fluffy (which would definitely ruin the wonderful style and mood you've got going on).

I like the little segments of conversations from different times - it allows for unwritten character development as well as for a newer, fresher change of scene. You describe everything so perfectly. Well done.

Overall, really well done. I love your naturalistic dialogue and the more actiony/plotty storyline. I think it suits the Marauder era better, seeing as they were all about fighting and 'being a warrior'. I love it! Well done.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I do have a tendency to overdo the internal monologues so I am happy the balance worked out this time. Thank you for your kind review :)

Everytime I read something from this era, I am left with the same question. Why don't I read it more often? I really enjoyed what this fic had to offer -- the look at a young growing family, the bit of humor with Molly being disappointed that she was only having one baby, BABY WEASLEYS, the scope of the tragedy, and the beauty of the simplicity of it all.

Finishing reading this fic, I'm shocked that it's a one shot. I feel for the characters so much, it's like I've known them for much longer than 2000 some odd words. Poor, poor Fabian. And there it is, the finality that comes with this era that always leaves me with an odd hollow feeling.

Such a great little fic Mary!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I know, I laughed when writing that part about Molly being mad at the midwife that there was only one baby in there. (though I read it as, "What do you mean there's only one, I'm the size of a double decker bus!" -- maybe I should clear that part up!) I loved writing about the baby Weasleys so much, I'd love to go back to that era. My plot bunny list just keeps lengthening it seems ;) Thanks so much for your review!

Oh my. I don't really read this era, but I'm glad I read this. I really like plot/character-driven stories -- less flowery language, more things happening -- I'm the kind of person who really needs to care about the characters to get into a fic, and you've done just that. It's so short, but I'm already so invested in everyone's lives. Perfect ♥

Author's Response: Thank you! I am so pleased you enjoyed this piece. It is personally close to my heart and I'm glad that came across in the writing.

Wow, this was fantastic. There's so much that I like about this story that listing all of it may take a while, so I'll try to summarize. ;)

The way that you've structured this works very well, showing snapshots of their relationship so that readers can get a strong idea of the whole story, the closeness of their friendship, even though they are, in a way, an odd couple. It's that aspect of this story that really makes it for me - they didn't meet at Hogwarts, which always seems to happen in stories from this era, but rather grew close because of their work in the Order. Even their philosophies are different, but they respect one another, quite deeply, and that adds to the strength of each character as you've portrayed them.

It's great to see two lesser-known characters from this era in a story, not only in the way that you've written them together, but also how you've integrated it with a Weasley family story. I liked the inclusion of humour with Percy's outbursts and Ron's general bad luck, as well as Molly being her usual amazing self. These sections of the story sandwich the "romance" part of the story very well, emphasising the message of the title and giving hope for the future - there is a future in the children and Molly, and that's what Marlene was fighting for. It's perfect!

So I'll stop now before I keep rambling on. :P There was only one critique I could think of to make about this story, and that regards the March 1981 section. The dialogue there was on the cliched side, the kind of dialogue that one expects from a tragic romance, and I found that it contrasted with the sharper dialogue of the other sections, not to mention the more creative situations of the other two scenes with Marlene. Marlene in particular doesn't seem like a romantic heroine, so hearing her speak in that way didn't suit the rest of her portrayal here.

Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this one-shot and am so glad to have gotten the opportunity! I don't think I would have normally read a story with this ship, so thank you! :D

Author's Response: Thank you! (don't apologize for rambling, all your comments were very helpful! :) ) I never would have written this pairing without the challenge so I'm glad I signed up for it. I felt myself wanting to go AU and avoid the inevitable for this couple, that's always a sad temptation.

I will definitely keep your comments in mind on the March section -- I think you're right, her dialogue is a little bit off in that section. When I revise this story, I will experiment with it and see whether I can come closer to the character. It's tricky in a one-shot to paint a complete picture of someone -- adjustments are required now and then and I appreciate your candid thoughts :)

Wow, this was such an interesting little story. I loved the difference in characters. To read about Fabian Prewett was a nice change to things, and I don't think I have ever read a story so well written about him if I have ever read one at all. I like the way you portrayed him. The beginning was nice and the exchange between him and the Weasley boys was very nice and seemed very in character of the Weasley's to me. I can easily see it being as how a conversation would go.

Smart little Percy.

This was brilliant. The conversation at the end with Molly and Fabian was bittersweet, and it gave me goosebumps to read what Molly said.

"If we don't defeat him, our children will."

Very chilling. Of course, knowing what the future has in store for them, this was both sad and happy. It gave me the urge to reach out to the characters and warn them. I felt connected to them, and that's hard to get from me when we read these through a computer screen.

This was really well done and the essence of the story was captured really well. I know you said you think you are missing something, but I really don't know what that would be. :) You did an excellent job with this and captured everything wonderfully.

I thought the last paragraph was a brilliant way to end the story.

Great job, Mary!

-Drue

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, Drue, I'm really glad you liked it! (and no worries on the time frame) This was a challenge piece and I slapped it together quickly last fall, but I took a little time to neaten things up before posting it. I'm glad you liked the Weasley boys, I've always wanted to write Molly with lots of little kids everywhere. ;) Thanks again!