Saturday, May 11, 2013

This topic is always top of mind for me on Mother's Day because of friends who have lost their moms or who are struggling with desires for parenthood.

The blog post below is from my cousin Russ (www.russellmoore.com), who along with his wife, dealt with miscarriages prior to the adoptions and natural births of their precious sons.

Russ addresses infertility on Mother's Day, and I think it's worth a read:

On Mother’s Day, Remember the Infertile

— WEDNESDAY, MAY 8TH, 2013 —

Mother’s Day is a particularly sensitive time in many congregations, and pastors and church leaders often don’t even know it. This is true even in congregations that don’t focus the entire service around the event as if it were a feast day on the church’s liturgical calendar. Infertile women, and often their husbands, are still often grieving in the shadows.

It is good and right to honor mothers. The Bible calls us to do so. Jesus does so with his own mother. We must recognize though that many infertile women find this day almost unbearable. This is not because these women are (necessarily) bitter or covetous or envious. The day is simply a reminder of unfulfilled longings, longings that are good.

Some pastors, commendably, mention in their sermons and prayers on this day those who want to be mothers but who have not had their prayers answered. Some recognize those who are mothers not to children, but to the rest of the congregation as they disciple spiritual daughters in the faith. This is more than a “shout-out” to those who don’t have children. It is a call to the congregation to rejoice in those who “mother” the church with wisdom, and it’s a call to the church to remember those who long desperately to hear “Mama” directed at them.

What if pastors and church leaders were to set aside a day for prayer for children for the infertile?

In too many churches ministry to infertile couples is relegated to support groups that meet in the church basement during the week, under cover of darkness. Now it’s true that infertile couples need each other. The time of prayer and counsel with people in similar circumstances can be helpful.

But this alone can contribute to the sense of isolation and even shame experienced by those hurting in this way. Moreover, if the only time one talks about infertility is in a room with those who are currently infertile, one is probably going to frame the situation in rather hopeless terms.

In fact, almost every congregation is filled with previously infertile people, including lots and lots who were told by medical professionals that they would never have children! Most of those (most of us, I should say) who fit into that category don’t really talk about it much because they simply don’t think of themselves in those terms. The baby or babies are here, and the pain of the infertility has subsided. Infertile couples need to see others who were once where they are, but who have been granted the blessing they seek.

What if, at the end of a service, the pastor called any person or couple who wanted prayer for children to come forward and then asked others in the congregation to gather around them and pray? Not every person grappling with infertility will do this publicly, and that’s all right. But many will. And even those too embarrassed to come forward will be encouraged by a church willing to pray for those hurting this way. The pastor could pray for God’s gift of children for these couples, either through biological procreation or through adoption, whichever the Lord should desire in each case.

Regardless of how you do it, remember the infertile as the world around us celebrates motherhood. The Proverbs 31 woman needs our attention, but the 1 Samuel 1 woman does too.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Now, I'm not a mom (much to my grandmother and daddy's chagrin, but to those who know me best's SERIOUS relief), but I do think from observance that I know what the best gifts are.

The most popular, winning, most awesome gifts you can give your mom or wife for Mother's Day include, but are not limited to, the following:

Anything from the heart. This sounds cheesy, but I mean it. If your gift is words, give it. Sit down, write something about what your mom means to you, and just give it to her, already. It will mean the world to her. If you can afford to accompany it with something you purchase, fine. If not, do.not.worry. For real.

A little bit of free time. Again, this is not coming from a mama, but I've been observing for a while and I hear a few of them like to do things in peace when they have opportunity. Think. Read. Cook. Shop. Whatever. IT'S NOT YOU; IT'S THEM. Seriously. Can you fathom someone tugging at your leg every second of your life? Exactly. Me neither. So if there's any way you can give 'em a day, an hour, a half-day, a DAY EACH WEEK, a day each MONTH, a. day. every. quarter. even (?) o' peace...wow. You so win. Seriously.

Public affection. I'm not into this, and I don't mean PDA (like being gross in front of everyone), but you know, showing you love someone in front of people they care about is really never a bad thing. So flowers, showing up at their office to take them to lunch, giving them something to wear that they can say, "Rebekah gave me this because she said I'm the best mother EVER!" (agh! Have I done that?!) -- that's the good stuff. In my opinion. And I believe in the opinions of the moms I've been inadvertently observing during my childbearing years.

Not limiting your affection to that day. My cousin, whom I'd totally set all you single females up with if he wasn't married to the.best.girl.on.earth.ever, describes Valentine's Day the way I feel about it, but the way I didn't think a guy ever would: "Why does one day matter so much? If you really love someone the way you should and show it in a relationship, does a Hallmark holiday even matter?" THANK YOU, MY FRIEND. And the great part is that his wife would agree. (I'm pretty sure of this. I didn't confirm with her. I'm sorry, Alicia, if you don't. :-|.) But showing your love in even a little way -- because aren't the little ways the best? -- each day mean WAY more than one big 2 dozen red rose deliveries on Valentine's Day or Mother's Day or whatever the occasion is. If you're secure in the relationship, you don't need the rest. Am I right?

Ok. That might be all I have on Mother's Day, but you probably have more to add. The good news is, you can add it! Please do. I have SUCH limited experience. (As my Nan and Daddy despair over.) ;-)

To all of you who have babies and are slaving away over the daily tasks, I pray you get a moment's relief and that you feel elated on your day, and on each day.

To all who are wanting children but do not have them, I pray you find solace that you are not alone. There are so many caring, deserving, wonderful ladies who desire children and have so much to offer babies. I pray for you. Really. Daily. I'm not sure why I don't crave this, but I pray the child you are ready to dote your affection on comes to your home sooner versus later, and that you find him or her through adoption, or fostering, or whatever way you are supposed to.

Either way, Happy Mother's Day. I truly believe motherhood is in the heart. If you've got the gene, savor it. It's special, and so are you.