Rules on Spiders

1. Killing a wolf spider gets you a lot of points. A LOT. Have you seen the size of those things?

For the sake of discussion, let’s say …

Trapping and killing one wolf spider: +100 points.

2. Making fun of me for being afraid of the spider: – 50 points.

Seriously, when I saw it out of the corner of my eye I wasn’t sure if it was a spider or a mouse. Nas.Ty. (Note, however, that you are still ahead for the day. This will be important shortly.)

3. Pretending that the spider has a friend that is about to run up my leg: -100 points.

You are not nearly as funny as you think you are, and in fact people have told me they only laugh at your jokes to be nice. You have trashed all the goodwill banked from the spider execution and are now in the hole. You may recall from previous experience that this is a difficult position from which to recover. Hint: Stop digging.

There is a reason people liked John Wayne. He knew when to stop talking.