Crazy water crystals and the water craze

Published
5:54 pm CDT, Sunday, March 31, 2013

Sometime ago, The Courier carried a syndicated article about Crazy Water Crystals, and the Crazy Water Hotel in Mineral Wells. It had to be of interest to many of my generation, for we grew up listening to radio broadcasts of country music bands, originating from the ballroom of a Mineral Wells hotel, and advertising Crazy Water Crystals.

I recall Mother listening as she prepared meals for the family. In those days, most every family’s medicine cabinet contained a supply of Merthiolate, Alka Seltzer, aspirin, Carter’s Little Liver Pills, caster oil and, of course, Crazy Water Crystals. The container was a small box displaying a picture of the seven-story hotel built by the Collins Brothers.

Had the depression and the opulent Baker Hotel not come along, more than likely Crazy Water Crystals would never have been so popular. Shortly after Carr and Hal Collins bought the burned-out Crazy Water Hotel, competition built the Baker Hotel just down the street. Then, along came the “market crash” of ’29, and Americans were dealt a devastating blow. In order to recoup and save their fortunes, the Collins brothers started a concentrated effort to market Crazy Water Crystals.

And market they did! They brought in a host of well-known performers and stars of that era; Mary Martin even worked there before she secured the part of Peter Pan. It is reported that Tom Mix, the famous cowboy movie star, was a guest, along with Conrad Hilton and Gen. John J. Pershing. Even some criminal elements of the day were reported to have graced the guest list; among them, the infamous Bonnie and Clyde and “Machine Gun” Kelly.

On Saturday, Dec. 21, 1940, the Federal Trade Commission in Washington issued an order for purveyors of Crazy Water Crystals to cease and desist their misrepresenting what the crystals could do. The order went on to say that the products including Crazy Water Crystals had no therapeutic value other than that of a cathartic or laxative nature. Some ads contained pictures of piled-up wheelchairs and crutches with the caption “Crazy Water Crystals caused us to lose our job!” Of course, had Carr and Hal Collins strictly adhered to the FTC order, they could have only marketed Crazy Water Crystals as a cure for acid indigestion and/or constipation.

I never tried any of the Crazy Water miracle crystals, but on one farm where we lived, our gyp-water well produced an overabundance of strong minerals, actually in the water contained more than we could deal with on a daily basis. I never heard of anyone drinking from our Elba well that ever needed a purgative! On hot summer days, water from that well was cold and looked so inviting; however, one sip of the well’s bitter brew could pucker your mouth, and cause stomach cramps of the greatest proportion!

The Collins Brothers had to have been brilliant marketers. It was reported they raked in over $3 million per year from Crazy Water Crystal sales. Not bad for a couple of country boys who were driven to success by competition and the depression!

Who knows, with the way things are going in Washington, Crazy Water Crystals may stage a comeback. It seems the group from “Heaven on the Potomac” has a head start and has been guzzling more than its fair share of the Crazy Crystals ever since the 2008 elections.

I’ve not searched the health food section of my grocers, but I’ll bet somewhere in their mix of over-the-counter paraphernalia, there’s a box of the famous Crazy Water Crystals to be found. Back then, the product sold for 60 cents per box. I wonder how much it would fetch in today’s market.

Doyle Driver is a native Texan reared in Hardeman County and a 40-year resident of Conroe. He can be reached at doyledriver@yahoo.com.