A blog about a woman in her forties with three children searching for the beauty in the chaos.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Watch Me

Last week, I lost my job.

Not the one as wife or mother or friend or daughter or sister or neighbor or community member...

No, the job that paid me both money and a connection to amazing women.

When my second child, Kate was born, my husband and I made a decision that I would try staying at home. A one-year "give-it-a-go" has turned into seven and a half of crazy blessings in the making. Two months into our decision, I had an opportunity to join a direct sales company and sell jewelry. It got me out of the house a few nights a month, put a little jingle in my pocket, earned me some trips and gave me time without my children to engage with other women over wine and sparkles. I loved every minute of it.

And then, we got notice that our company was closing in 30 days.

It was a shock.

And since that time, I've been praying and researching. Looking for the next step.

I have some constraints. My youngest daughter, Claire still has a year and half before she starts kindergarten and I'm resolute that I'll be home with her until she goes.

Mostly, I've been praying for a gentle nudge...no really, more of a swift kick in the pants as to which direction I should go. The problem is that often I have a hard time choosing my path unless a million and one family members and friends point me toward that fork in the road.

It's the part of me that I wish I could change. The insecure component that wants to choose the route that the majority of people are vying for. I guess...the path of least resistance. And sometimes in life, that's for the best. It makes sense to take the main stream approach recognizing that it's a short-term decision made in the interim for the benefit of the situation at hand.

But in spite of that, I've been praying that God would gift me with a deep, passionate desire to move in a specific direction that wouldn't be the easiest, most convenient or popular compelling me to move forward regardless of what the world thinks.

So when I found this quote, I latched on...

For the first time in a long time, I want to find something, even if its temporary, that works for me even if the world thinks its ridiculous.

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About Me

A "forty-something" wife, mother, runner, writer and dreamer. I spend my days trying to be my best for the people I love...most of the time, I come up short...but I take heart in the hope that tomorrow is a new day.