My Precious Little One

by Ellie
(England)

For my precious son or daughter.

I can't apologise enough for what I'm going to do. You must understand that I'm just not ready for the responsibility of parenthood. I would love to hold you in my arms and kiss your tiny hands. I want nothing more than for you to gaze into my eyes and to just fall in love with you a thousand times, but I'm just not ready.

I feel nothing but guilt, and hatred towards myself. I am unbelievably sorry. Your daddy and I love you very much despite what we have to do. Your brother and sister would adore you too if they knew who you were. My precious little one, I hope one day you can come back to me, forgive me for my actions and be mine forever.

I could carry you for nine long heartbreaking months and give you to a family who cannot have their own children, but I just wouldn't be able to give you up and that would be so selfish. I'm sorry my darling. I feel cruel, and I deserve everything that comes my way. I wish I could change my mind.

Sweetheart, I want nothing more than to give you life and for you to live it, but the position I'm in at the moment doesn't allow me to do so, and you would only just survive. Please believe me when I say that you would be my entire world, my whole universe. My sun, my stars, my moon. I would love you forever, and more. I just hope you understand that.

Please my little Angel. Accept my apology. Accept these tears of sadness that I cry. Accept the hatred I have for myself. Please understand I have no other choice.

Nobody ever prepares themselves for situations such as these and I don't think anyone could brace themselves for the way that they would feel. I really wish I could keep you. You would be beautiful and you would be mine. The only thing in the entire world which I could call my very own and here I am giving you up.