This is the place where my sad yet funny post was supposed to go—the one I spent 90 minutes on and then deleted by accident because I was geeking out watching and analyzing election results pretending to be Tim Russert God rest his soul, and forgot to hit save and then shut my computer down because I was up past my bedtime and was delirious from drinking with Diane Sawyer and since I don’t have another 90 minutes to re-write it but can only imagine you want to know the deets on my 5 year old breaking his arm in two places in our basement during the hurricane and then us hydroplaning on the way to the “hostiple” but what good luck we were safe because I used to drive race cars live in Boston and then us getting to xray and the xray tech whipping open the door only to yell, “WHOA!” because there was a handcuffed inmate in an orange prisoner jumpsuit splayed out on the xray table with two armed corrections officers standing over him but what good luck again because there were no attempted jail breaks that day and no shots fired and little 5 year old was in so much pain it didn’t even occur to him it was odd to see an orange jumpsuit clad handcuffed man with two huge men with guns in the room he needed to be in and oh did I mention I chose this ER and drove further to get to it as poor five year old yelped in agony as we hydroplaned along because I thought it would be more “soothing” and “kid friendly” because they have a special pediatric er…oh yes…can I say it again? I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

YEAH, UM, JUST IN CASE THE PRISONER IS BIDING HIS TIME READING THE GREAT WORKS OF MUFFINTOPMOMMY IN THE CLINK, LET’S PROTECT 5 YEAR OLD WITH THIS NIFTY MASK HE PRINTED UP ON HIS OWN WITH MY NEW! NOT YET BROKEN! PRINTER! P.S. YES, THIS IS AN OLD SCHOOL CAST THAT HE COULD PROBABLY MAIM SOMEONE WITH. HE HAD TWO BAD BREAKS IN EACH OF HIS FOREARM BONES. NO, I FORGET THE NAMES OF THE BONES BECAUSE 1. ENGLISH MAJOR AND 2. MY HEAD WAS SPINNING AND ALL I HEARD WAS, “WE WILL NEED TO SEDATE HIM.” :(

YES, I MADE THAT SHAMROCK FOR 5 YEAR OLD AT HIS REQUEST. I KNOW, I COULD BE A TATOO ARTIST COULDN’T I? I SHOULD LOOK INTO THAT AFTER I GIVE HUBS A BEAT DOWN FOR HIJACKING OUR IRISH PRIDE WITH THAT RANDOM FLAG. CAN YOU SAY INSECURE? SO WHAT IF YOUR HERITAGE HAS BETTER FOOD? BEER TRUMPS ALL IN MY WORLD. HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING, CLEARLY. WHY CONFUSE THE BOY?

You’ll forgive my abbreviated post because I want to go to a party tonight and I think we all know I deserve a drink. Can you believe I wrote this in only ten minutes? Bet you can’t even tell!

*OMGUPDATE. My ten minute post turned into an hour long photo debacle. I’ve been trying to make my pics bigger, because someone told me the pics on my blog should be bigger, but instead of BIGGER, I somehow made them the size of my HOUSE, and I tried to “fix” them. I don’t even know what to say, and yes, I am 100% sober. I do not know what happened to all these photos and why they are all over the place. Clearly, I am in the wrong line of unpaid work. I was, ironically, trying to make the pics bigger on the advice of someone who I was trying to get a PAID blogging gig from. I quit!!!!!! I’m going on strike. I’ll be with my IV of beer if you need me. Good night!

**No, I am not on any meds, besides what comes in an aluminum can or a Flintstones bottle. Do you have any recommendations?????? RAH!!!!