Put On Your Pink Patent Leather Kitten Heels And Run!

Jun 2 |
Sooey • 11:37

While the lines are being blurred between the problem that male violence poses for everybody and the problem that misogyny poses for everybody, I had my daughter read Monica Lewinsky’s piece in Vanity Fair this month.

It’s very good and I highly recommend it. She’s reinventing herself as an advocate for victims of online bullying, which I think is fitting. She faced down a national circus over a blow job. Imagine if she’d known going in, or down, rather, that the consequences would be all hers forever, that the fate of a nation rested on her shoulders, or knees, rather.

I’m here to tell you that she still would have blown the President of the United States and good for her. You go, grrl.

That’s the power of hormones. You can make a vita min, but you can’t make a hor mone.

Geddit? Well? Do ya? Hunh?

I’ve always been a big fan of Monica Lewinsky and I felt let down by the failure of a lot of professional Feminists to ignore Ken Starr vs Bill Clinton and stand up beside her instead, with a tacit nod in the direction of Hillary for whatever course of action she chose to take.

I mean, really, give over, Hillary’s a politician, too, what the hell else was she supposed to do? Be someone else?

But she may have chosen a different course of action had the professional Feminists of the day been standing beside Monica Lewinsky instead of Bill Clinton. And yes, hindsight is 20/20, but would it have made any difference to the cause of female human and civil rights if Bill Clinton had been impeached?

I doubt it.

It wasn’t just Hillary Clinton standing by her man.

I saw a poster on Facebook that said “If Creationism is going to be taught instead of Evolution, then students may as well be taught that the Stork delivers babies.”

I paraphrase. I can never find anything again on Facebook.

I don’t recall being taught Evolution in high school – do you?

If Bill Clinton had been impeached maybe they wouldn’t be teaching Creationism instead of Evolution in American high schools.

Who knows? Maybe the world would be a better place if Feminists had stood beside Monica Lewinsky instead of Bill Clinton.

But of course it would be because they would have done the right thing for women and not the political thing for men.

The fact that Stephen Harper, of all men, is being lauded for pretending to care about the health and well being of mothers and their babies in other countries, when he has made it patently obvious that he doesn’t even care about the health and well being of mothers and our babies here, is egregious to me.

But Stephen Harper could bring about world peace and I’d suspect him of doing it just to create a more stable market in which to sell our dirty filthy disgusting oil.

Certainly Bill Clinton’s behaviour wasn’t the fault of the politically ambitious Hillary Clinton, who didn’t so much stand by her man as not let him derail her career. That she went on to run for the nomination to be president and may do so again should tell us everything we need to know about her political instincts, in spite of her taste in men.

But maybe the sex is that good, maybe his philandering makes it better, maybe she was only annoyed because he was stupid enough, careless enough, insensitive enough, to think a 21-year-old woman could keep a secret that big.

Seriously, I think Monica Lewinsky must be the best secret keeper in the world not to have been out on the White House lawn with a megaphone the hour after.

Millions upon millions of women, and men, admit it, fellas, wanted to have sex with Bill Clinton, and little Monica Lewinsky of Beverly Hills? did.

Was it ever Hillary’s problem beyond the obvious, though? I guess so. Marriage implies a certain level of responsibility for the behaviour of one’s spouse, which is the real problem with marriage, isn’t it. Wives are supposed to pay attention to husbands or it’s their fault, isn’t it.

Well, isn’t it? Women drive the marital bus. No one’s got a gun to our heads making us get married, not in North America, at least. All over the rest of the world, but not in North America.

I recently read a piece in Slate that says we have it all backwards and that women are actually the more natural cheaters when it comes to monogamy. Apparently, all previous studies have been so blinded by cultural beliefs, the idea of women as nurturers and men as providers, that their results have been skewed since forever.

I’ve always known this. It’s all about chemistry for women, companionship for men.

It’s amazing how just one powerful man can come between even battle-hardened Feminists and doing the right thing for women everywhere, though, isn’t it.

#Yesallwomen #Notallmen

Back when I was young and before Sassy Gay Friend we called each other stupid bitches and silly sluts and stunned cunts. A friend in the Sault was nicknamed Hotbox because she was such a total hosebeast. Also, she had a killer bod.

We weren’t jealous, we were in awe.

Okay, we were jealous, but not in a bad way, in a good way that made her feel special. She was special. She had perfect skin, great hair, and probably the best body I’ve even seen, which I did when she performed a strip tease at a party I accidentally attended. That was the party the Hell’s Angels accidentally attended, too, and me and my friend L. were tasked with rolling them joints until we made our escape by hiding in the back seat of a car and when the dudes who owned it showed up begging them to drop us off in the Sault.

Do not be a douche and tell my kids this story.

We were out at Pointe des Cheines (sic?) at the time and L. would later marry a woman with four kids and then come out of the closet.

Marriage kind of ruined me for a while but now I’m back. It’s been a long and hard grind, but I’m back.

Misogyny. Male violence. Is there really a distinction to be made here? We’re all of woman-born, except of course for Macduff, so isn’t all violence misogyny and all misogyny violence?

The last thing I read before I went to bed last night was an article in the Saturday Globe and Mail about competition being the problem, that cooperation is the solution. As a competitive person, this is another thing I know to be true, and yet to listen to politicians go on and interminably on about competitiveness and the need to be competitive, even while our economies crash and our societies crumble and our world burns, you’d wonder how it is that they can look out their limousine windows and not see the damage our failure to cooperate with each other has wrought.

Then I went to bed and had a really weird dream about being falsely accused of murder and having to live on the lam in the only pair of shoes I’d thought to bring with me which were a pair of pink patent leather kitten heels.

I am such a stupid bitch in my dreams. That’s why I don’t understand people who say they want to die in their sleep. Seriously. I do not want to die being falsely accused of murder and living on the lam in a pair of pink patent leather kitten heels.

But at least I don’t have my post-marital dream anymore about taking my kids for a picnic on the edge of a cliff and then leaving them there while I head through the thick forest and into town with my new hobo friends for a few pints of mead.

I think I’ll end this entry here, with I had a dream, speaking of Martin Luther King, who got around, too, didn’t he.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 2nd, 2014 at 11:37 am and is filed under Sooey Says.
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4 Comments

A friend of mine works in a coffee shop in some little town in Northern Ontario. Last week she did an informal survey of the young women who came in to buy coffee. The majority of them said they didn’t believe in women’s lib because they thought men and women should be treated equally. She still hasn’t recovered.

Tell her she has my dream job and maybe she’ll feel better. Omigawd. She should have her own reality show. Imagine working in a coffee shop in some little town in Northern Ontario and not having a reality show. Get on it, Morley Bolero – make that woman a star!