The Phone Solicitation

I was so frustrated by the intrusion, I hung up the phone.

I was preparing a class the other day when the phone rang. I was just elaborating on the idea that we should live each day as if it's our last and what that means for our character and behavior. I ran to get the phone, unable to ignore its insistent ringing, yet preoccupied with my thoughts.

It was a phone solicitation. I was so resentful of the interruption, so frustrated by the intrusion into my time and space and so annoyed by the break in my train of thought that I barely listened before I muttered, "I'm sorry, I can't help you," and replaced the receiver. (Trust me, it sounds gentler than it really was.)

But I had heard just enough to know that the request for money came from an organization that provides food for the needy in Israel. My mind could fill in the blanks -- the poverty, the illness, the broken homes.

I had heard just enough to appreciate the irony of my reaction -- and to be humiliated and ashamed.

I was so busy preparing these lofty ideas to impart to my eager students, so conscious of the merit of the information (and my merit in communicating it!) that I completely lost touch with the fact that there was a person on the other end of the phone, a real human being with needs and emotions, to whom I had been gratuitously nasty.

And what was his crime? He was trying to raise money for needy families, families I should be anxious to help, families I am anxious to help -- if only I could be bothered to listen.

But I was busy, I had work to do. And he spoke so slowly and haltingly. He didn't even pronounce our name correctly. I felt justified in being dismissive.

I couldn't return to preparing the class. My faux pas lingered in front of me, mocking my arrogance, the idea that I was qualified to communicate important goals and qualities.

I'm grateful that I had just reviewed the idea "Repent one day before your death" and its implication that therefore we need to repent every day since we don't know when we'll die. I'm grateful it was that particular piece of Torah that I was learning. Because now I know exactly how to fix my mistake -- and how to prevent it in the future.

About the Author

Emuna Braverman has a law degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters in in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on Marriage and Family Therapy from Pepperdine University. She lives with her husband and nine children in Los Angeles where they both work for Aish HaTorah. When she isn''t writing for the Internet or taking care of her family, Emuna teaches classes on Judaism, organizes gourmet kosher cooking groups and hosts many Shabbos guests. She is the cofounder of www.gourmetkoshercooking.com.

Visitor Comments: 21

(21)
Goldie C.,
June 2, 2009 11:34 PM

I personally work in a calling center that calls for many Jewish charities. There is no commission involved. I get all the abuse and know all the excuses people say in my sleep. "I don't pledge over the phone or I don't make phone solicitations-send it to me by mail." I can't explain how irritating it is to get the same excuses over and over again!! I look at it as raising money for poor, needy families and for students who cannot afford tuition. Many people accuse me of being pushy even when I speak in the nicest, softest way. I don't mean to be pushy. It's just a part of the job to get donations for charities and asking different ways in order to get a pledge. It's not nice when people are mean. Even if they don't want to do it, they can say nicely over and over that they can't do it. They have to respect people who are raising the money. People have a job to do out there and everyone should respect everyone. Soo..Mrs. Braverman I understand that you were having a rough day trying to come up with something to teach your students, but remember that people have got a job to do to raise funds...It's only fair to listen and give the person your time of day or otherwise don't pick up the phone.
I don't get these sorts of calls at home at least I don't think so... We have caller i.d. But I decided that G-D Willing when married and I get these kinds of calls I will donate to every Jewish charity at least $10. It's important to give tzedaka. Think how much money we spend on clothing or on makeup-more than $36. Surely we can spend the same amount and more for charity and helping others.

(20)
Mary,
September 7, 2008 10:15 AM

Hebrew

I feel badly when I receive charity calls in Hebrew with a message left and since I don't speak Hebrew, I presume the call came from Israel but maybe it came from New York, and I have no way of reaching the people to tell them that they would be more successful if when calling someone in a land that speaks English, that their solicitation should be in English. I am assuming the calls were in Hebrew. Maybe they were in Yiddish. A foreign language is a foreign language is a foreign language. I didn't spend much time listening. Spread the word. Maybe they'll get the message.

(19)
Shira Twersky-Cassel,
September 7, 2008 1:19 AM

Approac for Tzedaka should be via mail solicitation

Tzdaka is not the only important Jewish value. Hassidut, the movement of Rav Yisrael Salanter,z"l and many other streams of Judaism speak clearly of consideration for the needs of others.
Although I am not not well off, I have been donating to various causes for chizuk Eretz Yisrael and other Tzdakot for years as it is very important to me. My name appears on many listings and I respect any mail request that I receive.
However for the past five years the American approach of "hard sell" has taken over in Israel. These oganizations have decided that only the phone [nudnik] approach will satisfy them and now I should hire a private secretary to man my phones so that I can get on with my life.
No hour is "holy" for them, whether it be work hour, mealtime, family time, and especially during preparations for Shabbat or Chag.
Not only do they blatently ignore one's personal needs but I find this approach personally offensive. It means quite literally, "We don't trust you and will pick at you until you come through."
If the organization phoning is one that I trust and respect, I explain gently that I will only respond to mail and they should not phone again. Usually they understand and say they had not thought of that aspect of their behavior. [A fundamental lack of "derech eretz" !!]
Other wise I just hang up.
Thank you for allowing me to express these thoughts which have been disturbing me for a long time now.
Shira Twersky-Cassel

(18)
Aryeh Siegel,
September 4, 2008 12:16 AM

Phone solicitation

Thank G-d there are a lot of charity organizations out there, and I believe that a lot of them are doing a lot of good (although not all as SarahRachel pointed out). If they all were doing phone solicitation, we would all be on the phone with them all day. There are other ways to raise money, and calling on the phone is invasive chutzpa. I believe in the importance of maaser kesafim (see www.joyoflife.org.il), but I make a point not to give to organizations that repeatedly call to get donations.

(17)
ruth housman,
September 3, 2008 5:08 PM

phone solicitations

This is the most difficult "call" of all, meaning how to turn down the zillions of calls I receive so constantly that are about valid needs, of people who are suffering, for organizations that do need money to keep going. There are so many charities and I would say most of them, seem quite legitimate and worth supporting. What does one do? How does one feel less guilty about turning truly genuine and loving people down..because, this is a void that one person cannot possibly fill, or one family, and often giving a little to each is not necessarily how we want to proceed. Also, when we give, it seems we are asked almost immediately, for more, from so many organizations.
I always say, and I say it with sincerity, that I want to receive something in the mails and that I do pay attention though I cannot give to all. I say this respectfully. I also keep a vast tzedakah list and I do spend a dollar or two every week, mostly on Quick Picks because that money, if I do win, will go to these charities. I wish I could do more, and even if I don't win, and so far I haven't, I give judiciously and respectfully as best I can.
In other ways, so many others, I feel I have already won the lottery, because I am so grateful for being here at this time of sunsets, of grandchildren, of friendship and such great outpouring of love. Yes, I want to give back!
Thanks for your article. It's deep, it's sincere and I feel your angst.

(16)
Danielle G.,
September 2, 2008 8:30 PM

A wonderful article - true and to the point, perfect for Elul.
Just to put in my two cents (because that's what these comments are for, right?) - I temped during the summer for a telephone survey company. Whenever someone spoke to me politely - even when they'd just say "Sorry, I'm not interested" - it was like a breath of fresh air. Their patience was incredibly appreciated, especially after the dozens of rude replies that I usually got. Remember, it's always your choice whether you want to give your time or money - but treating other humans with respect is always a must.

(15)
SarahRachel,
September 2, 2008 6:15 PM

Don't Be A Chump

If you want to help out poor children in Israel, then go there or else send the money to an individual already there whom you know personally, to give DIRECTLY to the needy family.
This is the ONLY way to be sure that your money is going to the people who need it. Charities are corrupt for the most part, don't trust them. If you want to fulfill this mitztvah, then do it in the manner that will ensure its purpose is actually fulfilled.
Be sure also to have caller ID, as well as getting on the National Do Not Call list to avoid telemarketers. Any charities you've been involved with are allowe to call you even if you are on the Do Not Call list, however, so this is where Caller ID comes in handy.
I've worked for charities and agencies in the past, saw the donations of goods pile up in basements never to reach their intended recipients, and the monies given rarely did either - most was absorbed by the people who worked there from the top down to the middle layers, and the volunteers at the bottom got nothing.
Neither, unfortunately, did most of the intended recipients.
I've worked for several very well nationally known charity organizations and agencies and it was the same for them all. This is the reason I no longer work for charity agencies. It's disgusting.
Go directly to the people you want to help, if you REALLY want to help them. No middlemen.

(14)
Leibel ben Yitzchak,
September 2, 2008 5:26 PM

Is It True?

Is it true what Baruch says (comment #5)? What percentage goes to the solicitor? My second question is, does the solicitor need the money to lead a decent life? How's one to know? I'd love some answers, comments.

(13)
Julia Arango,
September 2, 2008 3:26 PM

Phone solicitation

In college, I worked as a phone solicitor. Emuna Braverman did the right thing to hang up, although she shouldn't have said,"sorry". At the company I worked for, when a customer said anything, we had to offer a response to keep them on the line and try to sell, or get a donation. If we failed to do so, we got in trouble. But if a customer simply hung up withou saying anythng, that didn't count against us. I was greatful when people simply hung up, as they weren't wasting my time or getting me in trouble. Now, I have a wonderful and very full time job. I often bring work home, and when I screen my calls. I thank HaShem for answering machines! If somebody is in the hospital, or there's a terrorist attck in Israel, I pick up the phone immediately. Everything else (even tzedakka) can wait until I finish my work! Emuna Braverman needs an answering machine! (Oh, and it's also useful on Friday afternoon when the #1 priority is Shabbat preparation!)

(12)
Sandy,
September 2, 2008 1:59 PM

We do not accept phone solicitations

There are many organizations to which my wife and I will contribute. We tell every solcitor that we do NOT accept TELEPHONE solicitations. We will tell organizations that we in interested in to send their requests in the MAIL ONLY. Those that we do not wish to contribute to we ask never to contact us again.

(11)
Merav,
September 2, 2008 1:02 PM

Telemarketing is Hard Work

I'd say about 90% of the telephone solicitation I get is a computer. I don't mind when it's a human. I've done that job on semester breaks from college and know how hard it is. They usually get a set low wage with little inventive bonuses for stellar performance. Plus if they don't make quota a few days they're fired.

(10)
Devorah,
September 2, 2008 12:19 PM

It's ok to say NO!!

IN this modern world, all the channels of the media have brought the tragedies of the world to our living rooms 24/7. Keeping in mind we are a humane and caring people brought up to want to alleviate or help, we often feel so obligated to respond with donations to these phone solicititors. Especially after hearing their dramatic spiel about their cause. It comes from the same place psychologically as wanting to run to the far corners of the world to help victims of the latest earthquake/tsunami/flood/fire/epidemic/war that we hear about. And in the same way, it really seems as if there has never been so much of all that tragedy everywhere as in this century. But really, there always has been, just 200 and more years ago we couldn't know about it if we didn't hear about it so our desires to do something were restricted to our closest proximity.
The telephone, being an instrument of the communications media, is a means of reaching us and tapping that same place in our hearts. But really, we ARE limited. Just as we cannot be everywhere and offer our hand everywhere or any time, we cannot give to every last cause, however justified it seems to be. And, Hashem gives us this very wisdom in the Torah, advising us to give first to our own family members, then to the poor of our own towns, and to expand further out from there as we may be able, only once our priority obligations are fulfilled.
In my town there is a great Rav who has made a point of researching many of the endless causes for Tzedaka whose requests reach us via the mail or the phone. Then he tells us which are valid or not, and which are priorities, and even which spend way too much on the high-tech glossy PR apsect of their promotions. There is a great value to consulting your Rav in these decisions. It removes doubt and guilt, and those that need the most help will get it.
Also, you can set up your own paramters that work for you, and then the trick is simply communicating like a mentch.
IN our family, we are accustomed to tell most of these callers, "Sorry, we have a policy in our house not to make pledges by phone. Please remove us from your call list. But we know you have a wonderful and worthy cause and hatzlach rabbah." (and when applicable: "We already get your mailings. We will check our budget and send you something WHEN WE CAN AND IF WE CAN, NO SPECIFIC AMOUNT, AND THIS IS NOT A NEDER!!") - which brings to mind that there are also halchic implications of a woman who is not the head of her household being asked to pledge money independently of checking with her husband. How many of these call-makers know or care about that?
As another commentor mentioned, these callers are making a commision or an hourly wage, but it comes out of our pledges, and while we wish them well, it is not the best way to get a cause money if we want to send it.
Finally, as you can easily tell, these calls are totally scripted and work with the same systems as coldcallers for businesses: They know that they should keep talking fast, and that if they can keep you talking past the first 12 seconds or some such, they have you, so what do they do??Theatrical vocal tones about the pathetic situation they need your money for, followed by thanks for your last donation for twice-chai (I sent you $36??!! When? In 1986?)that maybe you'd like to double this year -and when you interrupt doubtfully at this point, they keep pushing for 25, or how about 18, or we can certainly put you down for ten, so it'll be ten then, okay, Mrs. D? - At tehse points, I really feel fine about hanging up on them in medstream - sometimes you are talking to a nice human who's really interested in his cause and it's easy to be nice back. And siometimes the people are so rude, you want to tell them "What part of WE DON"T PLEDGE MONEY ON THE PHONE do you not understand?"
So, Mrs. Braverman, while the timing of this call toyou may have been a test of sorts, don't necessarily brate yourself that you failed because you couldn't oblieg. Remeber, callers are taking their chances, and it's built in to the game.
In conclusion, I would like to commend Aish for never sending out phone call solicitations. We can decide in the privacy of our own minds if and how much, afetr reading their campaign info online or in the mail. And they deserve support!

(9)
Shoshana-Dvora,
September 2, 2008 12:13 PM

phone solicitation

As a former telephone solicitor, I say emuna Braverman did the right thing to hang up. In fact, she shouldn't have even said "I'm sorry". At the company I worked for, we had to respond when someone said anythng. If we didn't, we got in trouble. I was NEVER hurt or upset when someone simply hung up, as that didn't count against us. But I do habe to ask: If Emuna Braverman was so busy and deep in thought, why did she answer the phone? I am now a teacher, and when I'm working on lessons, I screen my calls. If someone is dying, or there's a terrorist attack, I pick up ASAP. Otherwise, it can wait. even tzeddakka can wait a few minutes.

(8)
marcia lewis,
September 2, 2008 10:47 AM

at my end

i have made my living and an honest one at telemarketing. the things i hear at my end are frightening and disgusting. to the man who was worried about us getting a percentage, fyi its minimum wage!!!

(7)
Chaya,
September 2, 2008 10:35 AM

Get them to hang up on you.

I reply to all phone solicitations with:
"Say, you sound like a real go-getter. Have you ever looked into other ways of making money?"
They hang up on me.

(6)
Rosen,
September 2, 2008 9:33 AM

screening calls

Since caller ID is already invented, we can always screen calls by it. If there is an 800- number on the caller ID, then it's probably not worth picking up if you don't have the time for it. Other times, the caller ID says "Out of Area" or "Anonymous Caller", and you tend to think it is a family member or relative from out of the area calling you, but it turns out to be a solicitor asking for money or someone taking a survey (sometimes both). Typically, if a caller calls about a survey, then I am more willing to give my 2 cents for them, than them trying to collect money for a certain cause. I prefer sending money to charity either online or thru direct mail.

(5)
Baruch,
September 2, 2008 9:27 AM

it's not that simple

It's my understanding that professional solicitors, like on the phone, take a high percentage of the amount collected. I don't donate to keep them employed. Also, most are collecting for something that sounds good on the phone, but you really don't know where the money goes, even if it goes to the charity. Like most could go to administrative salaries and not to the cause for which it's intended. I'd rather donate directly to a cause that I know uses the money for what I intended.

(4)
ROBERT ROSEN,
September 2, 2008 9:24 AM

First name beginning

When I receive a call and am immediately addressed as "ROBERT", I am immediately turned off, and rarely listen to the remainder of the solicitation.

(3)
geof m mordecai,
September 2, 2008 9:08 AM

Telephone salespeople ARE humans

The voice comes out 0f a machine, but at the other end there is a live heart!

(2)
David Plane,
September 2, 2008 8:19 AM

But most of these rude, unsolicited intrusions are from people wanting to sell something, or others doing a public opinion poll. I too put the phone down on them.
When I was young we were told not to use the phone unless it was really important, since its always an intrusion at the receiver's end.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

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