This delightfully sexist tome was written in 1966, and I don’t believe it made its way to The States -well, until now. Like ‘The Black Smurf’ I believe this book might have been considered a little too hot for America’s delicate sensibilities. That the big blue man in the sky that Papercutz is pumpin’ out the reprints like no one’s business.

Okay, so, like, where was I? Oh yes.

That nefarious (and possibly Jewish) Gargmel decided it was time to subvert The Smurfs the only way that would make sense, with a female Smurf. Of course he didn’t have a female Smurf handy, but thankfully, he had a hunk of magical clay available. So he made Smurfette, and brought her to life with a kooky spell of some sort. Hmm, this could be the reason we didn’t see this on the shelves too often.

After creating this little monster (a woman) Gargamel unleashed her in the forest to be found by some blue chump. The blue chump that found her was Hefty. Needless to say she was doing what women do best: crying. Hefty took pity on this creature and took her to the Smurf Village. It takes no time at all before Smurfette, as she calls herself starts in on the SECOND thing women do best, and that’s nagging. The Smurfs put up with this as well as they can, save Grouchy, and even throw a party in her honor. Now, she thinks everything is about her and becomes even a bigger pain in the blue ass.

The next morning The Smurfs sober up enough to realize they got a problem on their hands. Even though The Smurfs hadn’t really been around women much, they devised a brilliant plan. The plan was to make her feel fat so she’d go away and possibly puke herself to death.

Papa Smurf caught wind of this devious act and was deeply, deeply ashamed of his children. Papa Smurf has been around the block a few times, so he knew the only way for his commune to fully except this outsider was to make her better looking. That he did. With some magic and better threads, Papa Smurf made Smurfette gorgeous.

Well, what do you know? Now all the Smurfs are laughing at her inane anecdotes and bending over backwards to do her trivial tasks for her. Naturally, this still isn’t enough for her, so she begs Vanity to literally open the floodgate and flood the smurf village. This time Smurfette knows she went too far. Smurfette explains her artificial nature in a Dear John letter and high tails it. The Smurfs are a bit bummed, sure, but they quickly shift gears to rage and decide it’s time to settle Gargamel’s hash for this one with their most devious concoction ever: an ugly, clingy and codependent woman for Gargamel.

What’s the good word, Lattaphiles? It’s been a busy time here, in Lattaland. I have not one, not three but TWO big projects that have been keepin’ me busy, but not to busy to stop and talk to you about comic books. Put on another pot of coffee, I might be at this for a while.

The Purple Smurfs? Okay, first things first. We must address the black elephant in the room. When this story first ran in it’s native Belgium, It was called ‘Les Schtroumpfs Noirs’, which literally means ‘the black smurf’. While I understand this might be considered offensive to our American sensitivity, it was in no way, a race parable. Smurfs are raceless and genderless (They are never referred to as he’s OR she’s.) While I consider it a carnal sin to change this beautiful artwork even in the slightest, I still understand the change needed to be made to bring this never-before-in-English comic over to the states. Kudos for the Editor-In-Chief to at least address this very issue in the back of the book.

(Compare and contrast)

While I understand and appreciate the necessarily of the change to bring this excellent comic to a wider audience, I gotta ask, why purple? Why, it’s hardly a noticeable change from their typical sky blue hue. Plus, infected smurfs don’t look nearly as threatening in what is basically a Smurfs comic as imagined by George A. Romero.

In this truly horrific tale, a bug bite causes a smurf to become for lack of better description, a zombie. Of course this condition spreads through the village by bites to the tail(!) By the climax,all our blue buddies are infected including the beloved Papa Smurf. You heard right, true believers.

Despite the color change, and the somewhat wispy computer lettering, I am super happy Peyo’s masterpiece is being affordability imported and I look forward to more.

Now this is more like it! What a beautifully designed 10 x10 mini comic. Wait, if it’s big, is it still considered a mini? No time to pontificate that now, I gotta comic to review! David’s comics are beautifully drawn and the scripts feel personal, and bit non sequitur with the lush brushwork and rich detail. Without a formal set up and punch line, most of his strips feel like the middle of a conversation, the middle of a melancholy, conversation at that. Not to make it sound like it’s not funny. Heavens no. This book is very funny. In fact, it’s the perfect summer reading in your therapist’s waiting room. Y’really outdid yourself this time, David.

Oh glory of all glory! Dollar General somehow got their greasy meathooks on copious amounts of these incredible and thick Uncle Scrooge comics from a few years back and they are blowing them out for only a dollar a piece! All the issues I got are chock full of great stories by the likes Of Carl Barks and Don Rosa. These books are certainly worth every cent. If you have a Dollar General in the vicinity, and even if you don’t, I ‘d highly recommend you make the trek and load up on ducks. Buy some for your friends too, while you are at it. Eh, on second thought…

Hello everybody, or as the Indians say “Maize.” Welcome to another exiting blog entry on stuff that I didn’t make. Yup, stuff YOU actually care about. This time, I paid a visit to my neighborhood Target store to pick up some ball medicine and Necco Wafers at 50%off – but that’s when destiny stepped in: I noticed the dollar bins were full of all sortsa cool, stupid crap.

(Smurfs Bags and generic figure)

Smurf tote bag and Smurf figure brought to us by the fine folks of Innovated Design and Jakks Pacific, respectfully.

As any one who has the displeasure of actually knowing me in real life will attest to, I have a semi-lob on for all things Franco-Belgian, especially the Smurfs. In fact, I never shut the hell up about the subversive political farce known as King Smurf. I yammer on and on about how it is one of my favorite comics of all time, so on and so forth. Anyway, this isn’t a review of that book, it’s a review of these Smurf bags, and it’s barely a review at that. Measuring in at only 12 inches, these bags aren’t very useful. Too small to carry groceries in (not that a grown man should carry a Smurf bag to the grocers) and too large for drug contraband. In fact, I can’t think of a good goddamned thing to do with them except look at them, and they do look pretty neat.

(NOT the Smurf that I bought. Can’t get this one for a dollar.)

I spent the better part of 1981 to 1982 asking myself, “Would Smurf figures be a lot better of they were articulated?” The answer: eh, not really. You can spin this generic Smurf’s arms in circles but that’s pretty much it. Why, pray tell, did I buy the plain, untainted Smurf, you ask? Quite simply, I already had the others. Well worth a claim, though.

I’ll start with the white board, why not? I often need a whiteboard to write notes to myself such as “pay your bills” or” start acting like a grown man.” Why not write it on a holographic surface with a couple of vintage comic panels thrown in for good measure? Yup, I couldn’t think of a reason not to either, so I picked up this beaut for a buck. The only thing about this that bums me out is the fact it says “Friends, Mickey & Donald” in the top right corner (not pictured). It’s one thing to insult my intelligence by spelling out who’s on this whiteboard, but “friends”? Really? I hate my friends, and I don’t need to be reminded of this every time the mood strikes to draw a pony princess on a white board.

I haven’t read the books, as they are a little beyond my reading level, but holy cow! Lookit at the beautiful art in Bambi! Oh, that’s right, I was too lazy to scan the art. Take my word for it, this lit is fab. “Barn Dance” is particularly fun, and reminds me why the world fell in love with that rodent in the first place. Say, what a minute, why isn’t Goofy in the “Clock Cleaner” book? I seem to remember Goofy in cartoon that this book has crudely adapted. Aw well. I got no time for this.

Okay, so I cheated a bit on the fruit snacks. I found these puppies in the plumbing section of Target, also 50% off. I don’t quite remember the exact price, but one thing you never forget is the joy of seeing Al Taliaferro’s classic Donald Duck strip on a “tropical mix” fruit snack. The snacks themselves? They’re okay, I guess. The apricots, papayas and pineapples are color coordinated with the box which is cool, but fruit is still fruit and fruit is boresville. I only like candy and stew.

That’s the end of that, kids! Join me next time when I review foundation garments picked up at my local Goodwill!

Charles “Sparky” Schultz was often criticized by peers and foes alike for going “too commercial” and marketing the ever-lovin’ shit out of the Peanuts, thus compromising the soul of the strip and the characters themselves. I say, pish posh to them! I like stuff. I like Peanuts stuff. The more Peanuts stuff that I can get the better. That’s what I always say. We’ve have Snoopy dressed as every conceivable thing ever made, but ol’ blockhead himself dressed as a creature of the night was particularly high on my bucket list. I just might die a happy man.