A new survey of more than 2,000 women participants between the ages of 18 and 40 conducted by the pharmaceutical company Merck found that less than 1 in 10 women take the first step. Less than one in 10. That is quite shocking, but somehow I understand. I used to be like that completely. I would say that during the first 10 years of my dating career I never made the first move (I say race because there really isn’t a word for drunk baby ice skating that I really look like while I go out). In fact, it was a rule that was blatantly flirtatious and enthusiastic (or at least it was in my head), but never would. Why? I have seen so many friends who do not send text messages to a boy they like after an appointment, or they worry me about the fact that the person they are seeing has not yet tried to have sex with them. It is very frustrating because there is a really obvious solution: just do it. And, beyond the fact that it is the 21st century, and any basic appearance of equality tells us that we must fight against traditional gender roles, there are some really good reasons why you should step forward. For some, it is a duty that we can ‘Do not ignore the fact that the idea that men should do heavy work is incredibly heteronormative. What does that mean for gays? Or for lesbians? My girlfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, but if we were both afraid of taking the first step because we are women … well, we would still be waiting. It’s a ridiculous idea that only men can do it.

Men are up for it

To be honest, it should have nothing to do with how men feel about it: you must make the first move if you really feel like it. However, it is interesting that there are more men who seem to want women to make the first move than women who really do. Dr. Michael Mills discovered that “more men preferred to be invited out (16%) than women who preferred to ask the questions (6%).” That difference suggests that “10% of men may be waiting a long time for a woman to invite them out on a first date.” So it’s not that they hate him. And besides, would you like to date the type of man who felt intimidated by a bold woman?

Especially when it comes to sex

And when it comes to sex, men are even more willing to take the first step. One study found that only a quarter of the women they spoke with took the first step, but “72 percent of men are as sick of the status quo as many women are and would love to see women be the first to start sex.”

It puts you in control

Ultimately, you shouldn’t wait for life to happen to you. I could be waiting days, weeks or months for someone to make the first move. Or, you could go for it. And even if the person is not interested, at least they will know immediately instead of wasting their time sitting waiting for something that will never happen.

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