Wednesday, June 23, 2010

JA from MNPP here, with a fun factoid for y'all: Seventeen years ago on this day Lorena Bobbitt took matters into her own hands... and by "matters" I mean "her husband's penis" and by "her own hands" I mean "her own hands holding a carving knife." The rest is infamous tabloid history - the throwing of the severed member out a car window, the trial, the adult film Frankenpenis... sordid, so very sordid.

But an anniversary is a time to celebrate, not to judge, so here in its dubious honor are my five favorite castration scenes - favorite is such a relative term here, by the way - from films since the Bobbitt incident happened in 1993. (Actually strangely enough all these films are from the past 5 years.) Enjoy, with or without your hands protecting your nethers (I recommend with).

Hard Candy - Pretty people like Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson should not partake in antics as confoundedly cruel as this exercise proves. Just be pretty, people! A peck of pickled peckers Ellen Page has picked.

Hostel: Part II - The sequel that everybody loves to hate to the original film that everybody loves to hate basically ends its female-sided saga with an explicit castration gag. You know what they say - make 'em leave the theater with a laugh! Ha ha ugh.

Teeth - It's true! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata! (Sidenote: the wonderful character actor Josh Pais, seen there above about to utter those memorable lines, just had a birthday on Monday! Everybody wish him a long healthy manhood.)

Antichrist - A little something for the ladies! Lars Von Trier's always got a little something for the ladies. If by "something" I mean "everything awful ever thought, captured so prettily," and obviously I mean just that. Heady times....

Realm's too old, BRB! I was going for recent movies. Otherwise no way no how this list would be complete without some Last House on the Left or I Spit on Your Grave action thrown in. But yeah that scene in Realm is... something.