Sunday, April 27, 2008

Meeting and Dating Thai Girls

Pretty Thai Nurse

I get a lot of questions here via email about Thai girls and dating. What is the proper way to approach a Thai girl, how can I tell if she’s a “good” girl vs a bar girl, how to avoid internet scams and that sort of thing. Obviously it is a very important question for those who are interested in meeting and dating Thai girls and I answer each email personally, however I thought it might be time for another post about dating with girls from Thailand.

First off let me qualify by saying I am by no means an expert in dating, Thai’s or non-Thai’s. Yes I have my own personal experiences and I have done quite a bit of reading on other blogs, websites and in forums. I have talked about this in length many times with others on the internet, via email and in person when I’m in Thailand and while there are some constants there is also a large variation in the girls similar to what you would find anywhere. You can find value in what I have to say, but I would have to say that you should try to rely on yourself and the two most important things to remember are your manners and common sense.

Appearances are very important in Thailand and aside from your physical appearance, which should be neat and groomed, you’ll also want to consider your attitude and manners. Thai’s are very sensitive to body language and can tell immediately when you are being fake. This may be due to the fact that Thai’s are very non-confrontational (see my post Jai Yen or Cool Heart). They will almost never verbally disagree and I think over the centuries have come to a point where they are extremely attuned to nuances of posture and facial expression. Oftentimes people will say that Asian faces are non-expressive, but this is not true, Westerners just aren’t any good at deciphering the nuances because our culture is much more verbal in it’s communication style.

Assuming you are polite and well groomed you shouldn’t have much trouble meeting Thai girls initially. One thing that can trip up some guys is that in Thailand you will definitely need to be the pursuer. Thai girls in general will not initiate contact, however you can tell if they are interested most times simply by the sidelong glances or shy smiles that you get from them. If you’re out in a club it is very acceptable (and easy) to have a friend or even the waitress deliver a note to a girl you are interested in to get their mobile number. If you get the number you’re in and can feel confident in approaching them.

Once you’ve established a rapport with the girl go ahead and ask for a date, but don’t be surprised if they want to bring their friends. This is quite common in Thailand and it actually makes things easier sometimes because there can be more of a fun dynamic in groups. Depending on the girl it could take anywhere from 2 to several dates until you can get the girl alone.

For those of you who are not physically in Thailand don’t despair. The internet has made it possible to meet people from all around the world and as you may know it’s how Golf and I met. Several years ago I had a trip planned and wanted to have some contact before arriving so I signed up with ThaiLoveLinks. I had no intention of falling in love and getting married and yet that’s exactly what ended up happening. You never know where you’ll find the perfect girl and often it’s in the place you didn’t expect.

If you travel to Thailand on vacation for a few weeks it could be very hard for you to meet a good Thai girl, however if you take the time to get to know a girl first from the internet you’ll be in a much better position. This way she has had the chance to get to know more about you, hopefully you’ve also chatted with her on webcam and also on the phone and she’ll be able to trust you that much more quickly by knowing about you before you arrive in Thailand.

One final caution to you. If you do choose to meet Thai girls on the internet that’s fine, a lot of men are doing it. Once you find a girl you are interested in stop your communication with any other girls you might be emailing or talking with. Thai girls are a very jealous lot and if she thinks you’re talking with other girls nothing but trouble will come from it. One of the primary reasons Thai girls like foreigners is the fact that we are not as likely to cheat on them as our Thai counterparts. If she thinks you’re talking with other girls you lose that advantage and you may lose the girl as well.

This is not a comprehensive dating guide, but hopefully it has given you some insight. You may want to read other posts I’ve made like Why Do Thai Girls Marry Older Foreign Guys and Thai Womens Expectations in Farang/Thai Marriages to get additional insight.