US Senator Ted Cruz ‘Teabagged’ by GOP

WASHINGTON- Wearing black running shoes for the majority of the time, and relying heavily on quantity rather than quality, US Senator Ted Cruz spent Tuesday vehemently fighting a nearly one-man battle to defund The Affordable Care Act. Crickets could be heard on the Senate floor as he tried continuously to beckon his GOP colleagues to deviate from their procedural offer and stay true to a government stand-off. This of course, on the cusp of a possible government shutdown should an impasse last through September 30th. Cruz found himself almost entirely alone, however, even becoming a nuisance to those once enthusiastically on his side. Ted Cruz was, essentially, tea-bagged by his Tea Party comrades, and it seems the only support he had was that of his black running shoes.

Making it known he would be filibustering throughout the day, it became obvious to many, including his allies, that his understanding of the word filibuster was far from Webster’s definition. Harry Reid, after Senator Cruz’s rambling tirade, stated, “I want to disabuse everyone. There will be no filibuster today.” He later added, “We are going to vote tomorrow. Under the rules, no one can stop that.”

Though most of the GOP spent the summer trying to undermine the efforts of the Democrats who support funding for Obamacare, the reality of what a shutdown would mean has the Right more than a little scared. The effects of a government shutdown could ruin any efforts to gain back Republican control of the senate in 2014, making Cruz a very large thorn in the side of his colleagues.

Whether reminiscing of his past, quoting ridiculous Tweets by celebrities, or reading bedtime stories to his children, one thing is clear: Senator Ted Cruz has missed the mark. In trying to mimic his filibustering predecessors, he has only proven to the world his freshman-like qualities. In hoping to stand strong in his athletic shoes, just as Texas Senator Wendy Davis did in June, he has instead stood awkwardly. And in trying to sound profound to both his colleagues and constituents, he has made a mockery. “I don’t know if it’s the water, something in the air, the cherry blossoms, but people get here and they stop listening to the American people.” – Senator Ted Cruz, September 24, 2013.