Pages

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Orphan Sunday

Adoption is hard. It's waiting, unknowns, processes changes. It's being unsure if you'll "like" the child you're matched with, but when you're matching you're suddenly obsessed with having her in your arms. It's being a mom of 4 with only 3 at home for months due to paperwork. It's wanting to change the world all at once but having to take teeny tiny painfully small baby steps and feeling like you're getting nowhere. It can be expensive.

Adoption is different every time. Before Allie, our training prepared us for a difficult first few weeks. Our child would grieve the loss of her previous life. We'd have to cocoon around her and help her through to the other side. So cocoon around her we did, yet she had other plans. Her first couple weeks were pretty great. She was smiley, happy, outgoing and content. We thought we hit the jackpot and just skipped that phase. Then the honeymoon was over. And she's been grieving and struggling ever since. The past 2.5 years have been really hard. Our girl has a really hard time. She cries a lot. She tantrums a lot. She pushes the limits, tries to draw us close only to push us away. But she has come a long way. And she is ours and we're not going anywhere.

We have our hands full to overflowing with these 3 at home. Our days are hectic, crazy and exhausting. I can't imagine how we'll be stretched anymore.

But.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

So we're doing it anyway. Because we know we'll be stretched past where we could ever imagine. We know our hearts will grow and more time will be found and things will change and it will work.

It will be hard, so hard. And despite all our preparations, we can never be really prepared.

But.

She didn't ask to be an orphan. She didn't ask to be born in a country that is ashamed of her and her cleft lip/palate. She didn't ask to spend her days as a number in a sea of kids with limited caregivers. She didn't ask her spend her days in a metal crib with no toys, blankets or comfort. Our eyes have been opened to the suffering, the realities that are going on right now, the sheer numbers.

"Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

So we're going. In 3 days we're going to get our girl. We're facing all our fears. Fears of flying. Fears of leaving our kids for 16 days. Fears of getting sick over there, things that could happen that's out of our control. Financial fears. We're taking a huge leap of faith because we believe she is worth it. And God will equip us.

There are so, so many more just like her. Alone and waiting for a gift we all can give. A family.

Adoption is not something we're called to do once we have had all our fun vacations,our big house, our cool car.. God doesn't tell us to adopt ONLY if we have every cent in the savings account and an empty bedroom waiting. God tells ALL of us to care for orphans in their distress.