A FUnnie look at the loony residents of the Democratic Underground aka DUmmies in particular and the Leftwing Blogosphere in general.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

DUmmie FUnnies 03-16-05 ("Anyone else trembling on the edge of an eruption?")

William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt likes to project an image of himself as a thoughtful “progressive” type. In fact, as you can see in this DUmmie THREAD originated by Pitt, “Anyone else trembling on the edge of an eruption?” he is as flat out WACKO as any other inmate of DUmmieland. What set off this specific outburst was ostensibly the ANWR vote today but it could well be that Pied Piper Pitt is ENRAGED over the fact that he has made himself the LAUGHINGSTOCK of the Internet with his half-baked tinfoil hat theories such as his recent shtick about how we are in the midst of the “Third American Empire” (he really means “Reich”). Most laughable was Pitt’s assertion that the Third American Empire began when nationalistic American fans screamed “USA! USA! USA!” when we won the Olympic Hockey game against the Soviets in 1980. Oh, and the imperialistic ambitions of this “fascist” country were further enhanced when the fans got a taste of blood lust while watching the American flag rise a few inches higher than the Soviet flag. So yeah, Pitt, I can understand why you have gone off the deep end. Anybody who publicly makes such a fool of himself deserves to angrily regret it later. So let us watch as the DUmmies commiserate with Pied Piper Pitt in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, thoroughly enjoying Pitt falling all over himself in his ongoing vaudeville act, is in the [brackets]:

Anyone else trembling on the edge of an eruption? I am cleaning the shit out of my apartment to avoid smashing everything in it into matchsticks. Unf*ckingbelievable.

[Poor Pied Piper Pitt. Life must really suck when you want to be taken seriously as some sort of “progressive” intellectual while the whole web looks at you as a pathetic laughingstock due to your own bizarre tinfoil hat rantings. Unfortunately for Pitt, once your insanity is posted on the Web, there is NO delete button for removing your idiocy later. It follows you around FOREVER.]

Close to it. I'm afraid this is going to be a common emotion over the next couple years.

[Perhaps Pied Piper Pitt is about to have carnal relations with his furniture.]

I'm learning to live with the outrage....I'm fortunate enough to have a blood pressure monitoring device to keep me from exploding.....whenever the bp gets too high, I leave DU or CSPAN and either go for a walk (although it's still freeking cold) or go out in the back yard and cut big chunks out of the snow with a golf club....calms me right down......

[Help is on the way. The services of Dr. Buddy Rydell are available on the Anger Management Hotline. Call him at: 1-800-BUSH-WON.]

learning to live with the outrage. well put. learning to accept that the world is not just, not fair, not sensible. learning that stupid and evil people may never have to 'pay the piper' but instead might get a promotion, live a long life in wealth and luxury and die a peaceful natural death.

[At least they won’t have to pay Pied Piper Pitt except, perhaps, the paying him the compliment of providing some great comedy.]

I take THE FAB FOUR. Asperin, Metoprolol, lisinopril and hydralazine...........and yes, the sphygmometer is right next to the pc........

[Please consider making that THE FAB FIVE with the addition of Lithium.]

I'm about to blow a gasket. I pity the fool who pisses me off today!

[Your nurses have been instructed to avoid you all day so get used to playing with the butterfly net by yourself today.]

You have no idea how pissed off I am right now.

[Perhaps but that rabid foam around your mouth gives me a rough indication.]

I'm ready for some serious dissent in the streets. Our government is out of f*cking control.

[Uh…Speaking of out of control…]

I think the time has come...for some very serious action. We have been marching en mass for over four years now and have seen little result. I think it is time for mass civil disobedience -- be it national strikes, sit-ins, or other non-violent actions. I mean just how much longer do we let this go on, folks??? Really? When do we say enough? When do we say "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anynore?"

[‘Fess up DUmmie Hell Hath No Fury. What you REALLY mean is that you want VIOLENT revolution so you can administer “justice” to the EVIL Republicans and usher in the Golden Age of Bolshevism where you can finally rule as some sort of DUmmie commissar.]

they won't still control the voting machines...as of june 12th of this year... that is the date to watch...the machines will lose control on that date...you watch... this is my psychic prediction..it's a good day to end election fraud.....

[June 12. Isn’t that Judgement Day when Skynet takes over the machines?]

How's about a drink Will? Come to Columbus for a few days, I'll get Andy on the plane to meet us here.

[How about dropping some acid with Andy, Pitt? But first don’t forget to PayPal Andy for his medical bills and plane ticket.]

Time to Revolution (Up against the wall motherfuckers). That sums up my mood. These guys will drill through 50 baby seals to get a pint of oil. Greedy-Mother-F*cking-Bastards. A pox on all their houses.

[Yeah. Those baby seals do have a nasty habit of burrowing deep beneath the earth and getting in the way of those oil drill bits.]

I feel like giving up. Seriously... I'm thinking of just leaving and moving someplace sane. This is too much... too much corruption... too much betrayal... just too. &@^%!*#. much.

[Have you considered moving to North Korea, DUmmie redqueen?]

I am outraged, simply outraged. And I am so pissed off that I sent that weasel Ken Salazar money for his campaign & put his stinkin' yard sign in my yard. He confirmed Condi, Gonzalez, & voted yea for tort reform, bankruptcy & now ANWAR. I am so goddamned mad right now, I cannot write a letter to him or any of the other dem traitors till I calm down or I will be in jail for threatening a senator. I cannot wish enough bad things to happen to the current thugs & weasels in our government.

[The Dark Side, Ken. Come over to the Dark Side!]

At what point do we revolt? Or will we just know at the time?

[Don’t worry. You are already revolting.]

THERE IS NO POLITICAL SOLUTION NOW. We've passed that point.

[Bolshevik Revolution…..NOW!!!]

If my name was Bruce Banner...my shirt would be torn by now.

[If your name were just Bruce…your zipper would be torn open by now.]

Sure will be fun hunting wolves by copter, tho. They will find out there are too many caribou, wolf and polar bear in ANWR.

[It’s FUN to helicopter hunt innocent Arctic critters with my AK-47 set on FULL automatic!]

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I am a 30,000 year old reincarnated being who materializes once every 5000 years in a Las Vegas hotel suite. My greatest goal in my eternal life is to spend 6 months on a small tropical island with Mary Matalin doing nothing but pitching a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert) deal with her. If you happen to be Mary Matalin, please contact me at:
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