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There is no greater, and easier way, to get rich than by playing the ponies. That's right, what other activity in life can one start with a small amount of money and end with a larger one? Horse racing is your key to success, so here's how to pick a horse race.

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The odds are the first hurdle one must encounter before picking a winner in a particular race. In horse racing the odds are determined by two things, what so-called experts think and what the betting public thinks. Prior to a race a betting line is placed down by the experts, who supposedly know what they're talking about. They will have watched a lot of races and provide an initial handicap of the field. So here is what the initial line might look like:

The bookmakers have suggested these opening values and now await the input of the betters. The final, closing line is dependent on which horses the betters tend to pick and how much money they place on the horses. When all of the bets are taken and the windows are closed the final odds are posted, and your winnings depend on this closing line. So, let's look at our closing line:

Nothing can tell a champion except by the way the horse looks. Who cares how he did in previous races, you only judge books by there covers. So look for the one with the shiniest coat (that probably impresses you the most anyway) or the biggest dick. Either way, you will spot that champion.

While often looked down on as a "corrupting influence" on the sport, this is very simple. All you have to do is bribe (or intimidate, that's often cheaper) the jockeys who you want to lose and place your bet on the winner.

Pros: It's a guaranteed victory. You'll be seen as an expert. You'll make a lot of money.

Cons: It's expensive. You could get banned from the tracks if caught. You will wind up getting involved in organized crime. If your "fix" is revealed you'll probably end horse racing as we know it.

What can be better than a fun filled family experience at the race track. You can actually see the horses race and your encouragement will help them get to victory. And it's fun for the whole family. While you're watching the races, the grandparents can spend quality time with the slot machines (except at Pimlico), and the kids get to see wildlife (OK, horses and maybe some squirrels but it's better than nothing).

Pros: You get some fresh air (even if it smells like manure), spend time with the family.

Cons: You kinda have to bring your family which can get real awkward when you have to tell the kids they won't be going to college.