You had one job, David! Why didn’t you do it?

David Mundell had one job to do ... and he couldn't

THERE’S a website called You Had One Job which is a compilation of videos and photos of spectacular job fails. There’s a photo of a burger chain advertising its “new mighty anus burger”, presumably because the old mighty anus burger wasn’t a pass. There’s the macaroni cheese being sold for 79 cents a packet, but if you buy eight or more you can get each packet for the special bargain price of 79 cents.

There’s the ecologically friendly car park, with a tree thoughtfully planted right in the middle of each parking space. There’s the shop sign saying “All the best for your baby”, above shelves of alcohol. And then there’s a photograph of David Mundell, no caption necessary.

Despite an increasingly bloated budget, most of which is spent on spin doctors who can tell the media how wonderful the UK is for Scotland and how bad the SNP is, David Mundell doesn’t have a great deal to do. Even if he were the most competent, capable, and diligent member of the UK Cabinet, and let’s be honest here, the competition isn’t up to a great deal because even a torch with a broken bulb and a flat battery could outshine David Davis, he’d still be one of the lowest ranking members because his department doesn’t have many responsibilities. There are pickpockets in nudist colonies who have more to do.

Being Scotland Secretary is the kind of job that even a sloth would find a bit slow-paced. All you have to do is to turn up at Scottish Questions in the Commons once a month and blame the Scottish Government for problems to do with matters that are reserved. It’s not like the representatives of the British nationalist press are going to correct you for it. But that’s just a side gig.

The main justification for the existence of the Scotland Secretary is so that he or she can turn up for photos of Cabinet meetings and then sit out of harm’s way at the very back, partially obscured by an ornamental cabbage in a plant pot which has a higher visual priority. The purpose of this charade is so that apologists for British rule in Scotland can say that Scotland has a seat at the top table.

So you might think that when there is a real job to do that the Scotland Secretary would make busy busy like a Jehovah’s Witness in a door shop. If nothing else it must be a relief from the tedium.

The Brexit Bill provided that very opportunity, it actually gave David something meaningful to achieve. This isn’t the sort of thing that comes along very often. The last time he did something productive was when he grew a beard.

The EU Withdrawal Bill doesn’t meet the requirements of the Scottish Parliament because as it stands it turns the entire principle underlying devolution on its head. The Bill gives the UK Government the right to decide which of the devolved powers currently exercised by Brussels it’s going to keep, and which it will allow Holyrood to retain. Worse, it proposes to do so without the need for parliamentary scrutiny. The Scottish Parliament has made it clear that it’s not going to approve the current draft of the Bill. This could provoke a constitutional crisis, the sort of thing that a minority government would do well to avoid. It already has enough crises to deal with every time Boris Johnson opens his mouth.

Ensuring that the Bill meets the requirements of the Scottish Parliament was David’s only job. Despite repeated assurances from the British government that the necessary amendments would be introduced which would meet the Scottish Parliament’s objections, the Government failed to do so.

To be fair, it is entirely possible that he did make representations to his Cabinet colleagues to impress upon them the need to get their collective act together and to move ahead with the amendments, but if he did they confused him with the ornamental cabbage. The amendments were not introduced in time for the Bill’s final stage of scrutiny in the Commons, meaning that Scotland’s elected representative have no opportunity to examine them or suggest changes. The UK Government deemed it far more important to reshuffle the Cabinet after a minister resigned to spend more time with his computer.

Because David didn’t do the only job he had, the UK Government is now saying that the amendments will be introduced in the House of Lords. This means that Michelle Mone and Michael Forsyth will have more of an opportunity to scrutinise the Bill than any of Scotland’s elected representatives in Westminster.

What was that about the point of Brexit being to bring back control to the House of Commons? But then even if it did, all this sorry episode proves is that Scotland has no effective voice in Westminster. There’s only one way Scotland can make its voice heard, and it doesn’t involve being a part of the so-called United Kingdom.

This website and associated newspapers adhere to the Independent Press Standards Organisation's Editors' Code of Practice. If you have a complaint about the editorial content which relates to inaccuracy or intrusion, then please contact the editor here. If you are dissatisfied with the response provided you can contact IPSO here