My Life, My Words, My reality!

September 4, 2012

Do You SERIOUSLY Have Boundaries?

In life, especially in love lust, we may find ourselves involved with people who may want different things from us contrary to their words or actions. Assuming you have something or fantasizing a non-existant relationship can be dangerous.We make ourselves believe that if I show them how caring, loving, funny, _____ (insert whatever adjective you like) that they will choose me. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always turn out like that.

I remember a conversation that I had with a girl friend of mine, she was utterly head over heels this guy, yet there were red flags that I couldn’t help notice. This guy was nothing more than a fraud in all sense of the word. He was not consistent with her (in terms of communication and dates), he was dating sexing other people and he was ambigious with her regarding the nature of their relationship.

“He said we should just go with the flow J.”

“Are you really comfortable with that? You like him girl, why should you go with HIS flow?”

I can see why you would like guys like Chuck Bass (Gosspi Girl junkie), but after much consideration, who wants to deal with someone who can never truly give you want you want? Yeah, doesn’t make sense.

Ahhh the mysterious flow, you know the one I mean…the one that usually benefits the guy. Yeah, that. Who wouldn’t want intimacy, conversation, sex and all the frills of a relationship while still keeping one’s options open?!

I’ll wait.

Nothing wrong with going with the flow but there should be some level of expectations and a desired destination where you want to end up with the person you are dating. Should things happen naturally when you are seeing someone? Of course. However, while you are getting to know someone and seeing if that person is someone you can seriously date, you should have boundaries in place. No one just drives to drive…maybe in the beginning but every road trip has a final destination.

When we lack boundaries or don’t implement them, we leave ourselves open for disappointment, hurt and pain. Boundaries are to let the person know that you have expectations and guidelines that will not be tampered with. It shows that not only do your respect yourself but your time.

When you recogonize that if you won’t bust your boundaries, the person who wants to burst will just go and find someone who will, you will realize that you’re that they’re just not THAT SPECIAL and you’re just not THAT DESPERATE. – Baggage Reclaim

Every woman will run into that elusive, unavailable guy at least once. The good news is that they show you who they are from the very beginning, because they can’t fake what they don’t feel. A lot of men would have women believe that’s a reflection of the quality of the woman, but sometimes, a man just doesn’t want who you are. There’s no point in jumping through hoops for him because it won’t make a difference.

Let’s explain some scenarios where your boundary(ies) will be tested and TRUST ME, it all depends on the guy.

You only hear from him at 2AM or some weird time: If he acts like you don’t exist at any other hour of the day, cut him off before you become emotionally vested. No need to tell him the importance of contacting you at a decent time, trust me, he knows that already. I would hate for anyone to call/text/email a guy on why you are deserving of _______________ (insert your reason). Nothing like having the conversation and now all the clever shit you wanted to say comes back once the convesation is OVER. *SIGH.

Broken Promises that were never meant to be: Some of these guys make promises that they don’t keep, because they never intended to take you to dinner or attend some event with you in the first place. When they’re honest about where you stand with them, it’s easy. Sometimes it takes a little longer to figure it out when they lie to you, because then you have to see that their actions don’t match what comes out of their mouths.

Only texting you…have you even heard his voice on the phone?! Nothing wrong with sending texts. They are fun, quick ways of relaying a conversation. I personally enjoy finding cute texts pop up through the day from someone I like. However, if the person I’m talking too is ONLY texting me and not picking up the phone to talk to me or set a date, than that is a MAOR problem. If this is an issue for you and you perfer talking than texting than say so and stick to it. Sometimes we dismiss that because any communication is communication and we use it to justify a man’s poor treatment towards us…umm NO. You deserve better…no one likes crumbs.

You only saw him twice in four months??? The hell???Are you sure you’re even dating? If 3 days to 1 week goes by and you don’t hear from him than you need to FLUSH. People get busy but if this person is not actively keeping you in the loop or making an effort to see or communicate (phone conversations), than you should know where you stand. I will say this again and it is true not only for men but for women…if you TRULY want something than you can put the effort/time/work/etc that it takes to get it. Anything else is just an excuse.

These are just few instances but you know when you are not getting the treatment that you deserve. So ladies and gents…understand your worth and if you are dealing with someone who doesn’t value you than F-L-U-S-H!!

Those are definitely signs of a user and I had experiences and have witnessed things with my friends that have made me wiser beyond my years. It hasn’t been easy and Lord knows that it is a learning process but we all live and learn.

Sorry for hearing that…sometimes guys don’t have the courage to tell you the truth and give you the respect you deserve because they don’t want to see your pain and hurt. Thankfully you let that loser go and you’ll be able to find someone who respects you.