Saturday, July 6, 2013

I (h)ate everything.

Last night I made a decision that I didn't want to make and don't want to stick with, but I have to. Then I went and tried to eat enough to fill the gaping hole where my heart used to be. And then I woke up with heartburn. OH HOW THE COMEDY PRACTICALLY WRITES ITSELF. Also, there's water in my ears that won't come out, and I want someone to just suction it out for me, and I never sleep because of the all-night horrorshow I'm fortunate enough to experience in my dreams and that's catching up with me. My god, I'm just so sick of my watery ears. Apparently nothing bad can happen, even though I was freaking out last night that I wouldn't get it out before infection set in and I'd go deaf. I'm pretty sure that clawing at my ears was bad for them, though. I'd like to channel my whining into writing, but I have terrible PMS and I'm dead inside, so that seems like a pipe dream.

I watched The Walking Dead and it was mildly scarring because it's really a scary show, but also really fucking sad. Like, those zombies? They're dead. They had lives and families and now they don't, and I wonder if it hurts and if they're just hungry and in pain all the time, with no way to stop it and no idea WHY this is happening to them. And it's upsetting because it's NOT and us vs. them kind of situation- everyone on that show is the victim of a horrible tragedy. Also, this is why I'm no fun to watch zombie things with, because it makes me sad and upset for everyone, even the people who shamble around decaying and looking for food.