I have weird habit of remembering the most trivial things in my life, but maybe it’s not trivial at all. 😂
It was around early 2000, I guess. My high school had this unique way to learn in religion class, to do debate on certain topic. The first week we are given topics and we will go and search about that certain topics, second week we’ll be debating in two groups of pros and cons, something like that, and the third week is conclusion by the teacher. I love that class.

So long story short, there was one time when we’re about to start the debate and when I saw our team, almost all the vocals and bold are in my team. So at that time I thought it would be unfair and not fun if the debate isn’t going actively. So I voluntary switched my seat to the other group, hoping that the other group will accept me, well most were okay, until one of them, one of few active ones in the group reject me and said that they don’t need my help. He said that I undermined them by doing so.

I cried, yeah I was and I am a crybaby. After school ended, I called home from public phone booth (wartel at that time) and my father picked up, I told him what happened and hoping he will stood out for me and saying bad thing about that boy.

He said,

Kak, you need to act like a doctor. You cure people in need, THAT asked for your help.

If they don’t ask for your help, even if you did well they won’t be grateful, if you do bad they will bash you even more.

Years gone and sometimes I still need to be reminded of this short message. I know we learned to be kind to anyone, even if they’re evil to us. But I can only endure so much, so I need to protect my heart too.

Something happened last week with my father. He’s the type of person that is care about others that actually don’t deserve him. There were some issue last week that is actually not harming or in disadvantage for him, but to one of his close ones. He thought hard about what should he do for the family, and he had an idea that he thought would benefit the person the most and giving that certain person dignity because it’s not asking for anything to anyone but renting a place, meaning dignifiedly doing business.

He asked me whether I can rent the place and make a clinic for us, actually the place is not strategic, but he’s asking for a good cause, so I said I’ll survey the place the next day. After I survey the area, he called and actually got cold responses and harsh indirect post through social media by much younger person saying as if he’s trying to make profit of that person hardship. He’s so hard broken and angry.

I reminded him of what he told me 17 years ago.

Me: Pa, you once told me to act like a doctor, do cure sick people that ask for your help.

P: But she did ask for help, they all did.

Me: They’re asking for fish, you’re offering them fishing rod. Of course they don’t want it. Because they used to you handing out things easily just because they asked.

P: so it’s different, I see.

Me: of course it’s different, like a DHF patient demanding to be given paracetamol when you suggest them you get their fluid fixed. They want what they want, not what they need.

Well, sometimes we need the same generic advices with certain tweaks. Also, certain wise words are still very relatable even after almost 20 years. Amazing. 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I plan to write exactly at April 9th, but I was preoccupied. So I write now. It was supposed to be a happy post, because it’s my ten anniversary with this blog, where I met a lot of influential people in my live, my friends, my fellow geeks, whom I seldom find in my real life.

I want to write about each of them, about each of the memories, about all the feelings, but all I can think of is about one particular post, and one particular person. This post, and the person behind this post, Sora.

It is the first time I took it off after the first day my father gave it to me.
It’s been with me everyday since the first day he gave it to me.

I don’t know how long has it been, I barely remember the story behind it as well. All I remember is the weight of my father’s prayer it has.

I forgot whether he got it from Iran or Iraq, but I remember that the White Onyx was a fragment of a renovated mosque’s appendage; again, I forgot whether it came from a dome, the pillar, or the wall of the mosque. I remember the mosque was quite a famous one too.

Long story short he was given several stone fragments from the mosque and he gave it to me among all the other stones (I forgot whether that is the only White Onyx or the biggest one) and said that he, ust Umar (his friend and his tour leader) and a local (I think he was the mosque’s guardian or something?) was praying for me to be married (soon? I guess).

I know that he and all my family know how much I dislike wearing jewelry. I don’t even like to do watch. But he went himself to the idk what it called to have it beautifully made and ask me to wear it.

I couldn’t tell him no.
I didn’t want to, tho.

So I did, and I still do.

But it’s still not happening until now.
I am sorry.

PS: I wrote on my birthday eve, but never get the chance to publish it.

Bu Ani, she’s not my lecturer per se. She never teaches me in class, or anything. She is, or was, my post graduate coordinator. She’s very very very kind and considerate towards all of us. This, right here, is when she’s giving feedback of what students need. Not just something out of the textbook. Responsibility as a lecturer, giving students something more that just a clinical competence.

Btw, this is not in front of her students, and she’s so passionate talking about it.

I’d like to write a long rants about my dissertation process, that is currently still in a slow progression. But I can’t deny the fact that MedJob, the process, has been done, and it’s amazing. I’m so thankful during the process and so grateful for the committee and the participants that kindly join the projects and sacrificing their precious six weekend. I’m so so so thankful and I’m beyond words.