A Tribute to Womanhood

Welcome to "I Am Woman"...a tribute to all those women who had the courage and perseverance to stand up and fight for their rights. Thanks to those who came before us we enjoy a freedom unknown to women not too long ago. But, sadly, in many parts of the world, women continue to be repressed. In fact, even in this country there are women living today under the threat of violence...completely controlled by a violent spouse. Some may make it; others won't. Hopefully, one day ALL women will be free. May that day come soon.

6/20/2010

Cycle of Abuse

The goal of an abuser is control. They want the victim to behave in ways that they want the victim to behave. They achieve this with abuse. Domestic violence falls into a specific pattern, the cycle of abuse. The following is an example of how the cycle works.

A man abuses his partner, then, after hitting her, he begins to feel remorse. He tells her he is sorry that he hurt her and that it won't happen again, but what he doesn't tell her is "because I am afraid I might get caught." (My situation was similar to this. My ex had been pretty free with his hands until one time I picked up the phone to call 911. When he tried to take the phone from me, I lashed out with the receiver and hit him in the head. He was an actor and was so worried about my messing up his face, that he never hit me again. I can hear his thoughts, "because she will hit back and scar me. Then I will be ugly) He buys her flowers and tells her how much he loves her....the pursuit phase. He is trying to win her back. They enter the honeymoon stage. All is well...on the outside...because by now, the irrational thoughts are once again beginning to creep in. In his mind, he rationalizes his abuse, "she deserved it; the slut is cheating on me." Now, mind you, she has been true to him since the day they married.

And the more he thinks about this, the angrier he becomes. In his mind, he begins plotting ways to get even with her. Tension is beginning to build. He tells her to go to the store for him; he gives her a certain amount of time to get the shopping done.....She gets caught up in traffic on the way home, and when she arrives, he is there waiting for her. He is now at the explosion stage.

She knew this was going to happen. She has been through this before. So, why does she go back? We will go over this in the next installment.

1 comment:

Hi Mary, I'm sure others are reading this, even though we may not always comment...This is a difficult subject for sure. I wasn't beaten as a child, although Mom, being raised in an orphanage, believed in slapping and using a cord when she'd get mad, dad used a belt once. But then he wasn't around a lot. Marriage is when I learned how painful beatings can be, both physical and mental. I feel for any woman who has and is going through this hell and hope they find the strength to get out...

About Me

The past March I turned 71, official a crone. I was born in the beautiful countryside, but have been living in the city for 30 odd years now. As a want-to-be be hippie, I first lived in Greenwich Village, then moved to Queens, and eventually here I am in Brooklyn, yearning to go home. I've spent much of my life in search of a path that I could feel comfortable with. It wasn't until I began working on my family tree that I discovered my Celtic background as well as ancestors from Ireland, Scotland, Britain, Germany, and France. Why I've a touch of Dutch and Native American in my blood. I have studied with the New Order of Druids.
I am also an ordained Interfaith minister and a victim advocate. I'm also an astrologer, have worked with numerology, enjoy mythology, psychology, sociology.crystals, herbal healing, and meditation. On July 12th 2013 I retired from my job as a substance abuse counselor after 51 years of work. Now it is time for me, and I am enjoying every moment of it.