Let me start this by saying the word allegedly is used way too often and with wreckless abandon, and I won’t be doing any such wasting of the word here. It was a long golf fight (like a slap fight only with stupider clothes). In the end, Tiger Woods was the winner, but controversy will exist for a while and soon there will be some testing for illegal substances.

Tiger Woods won the U.S. Open after either sacrificing an animal or having some sort of act of beastiality. As it was written “Tiger drained a birdie” on the 18th hole. This is an act of animal cruelty which PETA should act upon, unless the bird was made happy during this process. Maybe the draining wasn’t ritualistic but was in Tiger’s nature, as he’s actually a vampire (like Blade).

During the grueling U.S. Open which involves walking while someone else carries your bag of clubs (ya, that’s real difficult), Tiger Woods was challenged to play 90 holes of golf in just just 5 days.

Mathematically that breaks down to having to play 18 holes of golf a day! Wow.. that could be difficult. I mean, the average golf-playing American will do that on their day off because it’s a hobby or recreational.

I would like to see Tiger try to schedule a day’s worth of teaching to 30+ students while keeping their attention and still fulfilling state institutional policies. How about having Tiger install drywall for 10 hours? Work on a farm for 12 hours?

Are the rigors of walking around getting to Tiger, or the early effects of possible enhancements? It was reported that Woods had surgery for the second time to his left knee, maybe walking around is too difficult for Tiger and he should be able to ride around in a golf cart (in the front of the cart, of course).

According to a leading sports site, “Tiger Woods does not go down easily” which has brought some questions to the sexuality of Tiger. Perhaps he’s willing to receive but not give.

Whatever Tiger has been doing has been working for him, so for the people out in TV land that are too lazy to play a round of golf and would rather watch someone else do it, I feel sorry for you.