When Your Infant’s Sleep Isn’t Normal

In today’s Western society, more often than not parents believe their child should be sleeping in ways that are just not biologically normal. They expect babies to sleep through the night by 12 weeks, to no longer need to be rocked to sleep or nursed to sleep, and so on. And of course we all know that there are people out to make money who promote these untruths so they can sell you something, so it’s no surprise these myths abound.

But somewhere in our push to help parents understand what is normal, we may have overlooked that not all sleep behaviours are normal. Yes, far more are normal than are considered as such by society, but we also have to leave room for the abnormal, for these parents should not be told that everything is fine and just to “wait it out” when there may be a problem worth looking into. Indeed, your child’s sleep behaviour may be the one cue that is supposed to push you to find out what exactly is wrong.

First, before we continue, I want any parent who believes their child’s sleep is abnormal to check out this series of posts on what is normal because only by understanding what is normal can we start to look at what might deviate from that. Often parents just need to be made aware of the fact that what they have been told is abnormal really isn’t. For example, if your six month old wakes a few times a night to nurse, that is normal. Or if your one-year-old still needs to nurse to sleep at night, that’s normal. And of course there are the usual regressions of sleep that come during periods of teething, growing pains, and separation anxiety. Parents need to know about these and understand that they are normal and will pass.

[If, however, you know your child’s behaviour is “normal” but is very problematic for the family, please do not “sleep train” but rather check out these gentle resources to help you and your child… peacefully.]

So… what if you’ve read all on normal sleep and you’re still wondering about your infant’s sleep? Let’s be honest, you’re probably dealing with one of two options:

1. Your child wakes and cries all the time. Like every hour or less.

2. Your child takes a very long time to fall asleep.

What do you do? Well, both problems have some overlapping possibilities so we’ll discuss the possibilities and which problems might stem from them, with a lot tying into the two issues. [I do want to mention though that if you have a baby who has a health condition or was underweight or is premature, you can expect greater wakings and feeding sessions as your baby attempts to “catch-up”. This is a case where what may be abnormal for some is actually normal for you. If you have a child with any medical condition, who spent time in the NICU, or was otherwise small or early, check with your caregiver about what to expect for the first few months after going home.]

Food allergies. One of the most common problems that affects both the ability to fall asleep and stay asleep include allergies or intolerances. For those of you breastfeeding, this means what you eat as well. In particular, cow’s milk allergies have been linked to an infant’s ability to fall asleep and stay asleep[1][2], but celiac disease may also been implicated with sleep problems in infancy due to the excessive gas and cramping that accompany it, even in infancy[3]. In fact, given that gas is a common side effect of food allergies or even intolerances, cases often diagnosed as ‘colic’ may indeed be food issues. Notably, one thing parents might notice right away is that their child has green poo. While this can be indicative of other problems as well, it is a possible side effect of a food allergy. What’s the fix? The most common allergens or intolerances are cow’s milk, wheat, gluten, and soy. Breastfeeding moms are recommended to try an elimination diet and give it a couple weeks to see if there are improvements (for information on elimination diets, see here and here). Formula moms may want to try a switch to a hypoallergenic formula to see if that works. Just remember: It can take time for the body to rid itself of all allergens so don’t expect too much too quickly.

Breastfeeding problems. Particularly in the first six months there are many feeding issues that may result in excessive crying, interrupted sleep, or failure to fall sleep easily[4]. Some of the feeding problems include low milk supply, “bad” latch, and undiagnosed tongue ties, amongst others. These problems often manifest in lots of crying and bad sleep due to failure to feed to satiation[5]. And like any sane person, a baby who is hungry will wake and cry as regularly as needed in order to stay alive and attempt to thrive. Typically parents in this situation will see slower weight gain (or even loss of weight) along with the crying and waking. What’s the fix? These parents need to find a good lactation consultant. Not a pediatrician and not a family doctor, but a lactation consultant who can diagnose these feeding problems and find a personalized solution to whatever the issue happens to be that you are facing. And remember that the earlier you find someone, the better the chance at finding a solution without supplementing if this is something that is important to you.

Reflux. I shared a guest post from one mom’s experience with reflux here and it’s worth a read if you believe reflux is just a bit of extra spit up. It’s not. Reflux can occur both in the way we normally think, including regular vomiting and regurgitation, but can also be silent which can make it much harder for parents to diagnose. Infants diagnosed with reflux, or GERD, are known to suffer regular sleep interruptions[6]. On top of this, reflux can co-occur with both tongue-tie[7], lip-tie (and resulting bad latch)[7], and cow’s milk allergy[8], making the likelihood of sleep disruptions far greater than for other infants. What’s the fix? Co-occurring problems should be looked for and addressed via elimination diets and/or visits with a lactation consultant as sometimes these fixes can reduce or eliminate the need for reflux medication[7]. Parents should also look for a doctor who specializes in reflux or GERD. There are medications but not all infants are able to take them and not all should. A doctor who has specialized in this will be able to provide you with the necessary information you need to determine the best course of action for your baby.

Highly sensitive children. I’m not talking about high-needs children here, but rather the very highly sensitive children. They are often dismissed in the medical community which is a shame because they do require extra care and consideration. Often parents will notice other co-occurring issues, such as crying from bright lights, too much noise, or too many people (and more), but sleep is an area that can be very difficult for them[9]. It may be because the slightest noise wakes them or there’s too much noise if you live in a city… the possibilities are many. What’s the fix? This can be harder because it will depend very greatly on your particular child. I have met highly sensitive children who needed to bedshare to sleep at all well and ones where touch was too much of a stimulus and they had to sleep independently in a quiet room with a noise machine to sleep at all. I would recommend finding support groups or reading books on sensitive children (like this one) to help you figure out ideas that may help you with your child. [Of course, you also may have to accept a longer period of sleep interruptions as your child may not adapt to sleeping through for quite a while and in this case, it may be normal for your child.]

Another medical condition. Is it possible that your child’s sleep problems actually reflect an undiagnosed medical issue. For example, although much of the research is with older children, there is a link between sleep problems and later diagnoses of Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorders[10][11]. Babies can also have sleep apnea and will need to get checked for that as it can negatively affect sleep (obviously). What’s the fix? If you are certain that none of the issues above are a problem and your child is still demonstrating excessive crying, wakings, or insomnia-like behaviour, you should consider finding a doctor who can help you look for other causes. If the doctor immediately suggests sleep training, get another opinion. Immediately. As suggested over 20 years of research, early sleep training not only doesn’t work at a population level, but can have unintended, negative consequences for mom and baby[4].

***

Although I have focused on infant sleep herein, many of these will be applicable to toddler sleep problems as well. However, in toddler sleep, we need to also consider some of the more psychological issues that are more prominent in that age group after the onset of separation anxiety as well as the more varied reasons for night wakings (e.g., toilet learning, nightmares which I discuss in this article directed specifically at toddler sleep). Hopefully this piece does offer some help for those parents of infants who feel they have been suffering, have been (rightfully) resisting sleep training, but feel that being told that it will pass is simply not cutting it. Remember: Sleep training may shut down the crying response, but it will not fix the underlying issue . If we really want to help our children, we need to be willing to search for the cause of excessive crying and waking. You may not find it immediately but you owe it to your child and yourself to figure it out.

For more information on sleep and what can influence sleep, I strongly recommend the following books:

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Tracy Cassels, PhD is the Director of Evolutionary Parenting, a science-based, attachment-oriented resource for families on a variety of parenting issues. In addition to her online resources, she offers one-on-one support to families around the world and is regularly asked to speak on a variety of issues from sleep to tantrums at conferences and in the media. She lives in Prince Edward County, Ontario, Canada with her husband and two children.

34 Comments

I’m looking forward to the toddler article. I have a friend who could use support and ideas.

Just to encourage parents with small babies who are feeling tired from meeting nighttime needs, I have always bed-shared with my now 2-year-old and he just exudes confidence and happiness. It has been so worth it to meet his needs in the nighttime. And now that he can communicate verbally, this whole new world is opening up. For example, he told me the other night that he’s a little scared that dinosaurs will come into the bedroom! (we’d read a dinsaur book – I don’t think it was scary). He just needed me to reassure him. Now I look back and think, Boy am I glad I never took his cries for granted. Who knows what he perceived as frightening or confusing?

Anyway, good work mamas and happy sleeping. And please check out my website, you may like my poems 🙂 theparentpoet.wordpress.com

A brilliant article, Tracy. As you have described, we do need to explore what is going on for the baby and work to resolve these issues. Resorting to sleep training that ignores the reasons behind ‘sleep problems’ is doubly cruel for a baby who may be in pain, hungry or anxious.

Interesting post. What you didn’t address is how normal it is for a baby to actually sleep through the night. Right now my 4 month-old sleeps through the night and has for at least a month or more. It drives me crazy because I sometimes worry that it’s abnormal. I should note here that he’s my 4th and my 1st and 3rd babies were nighttime wakers/nursers. My 2nd had horrible GERD that became erosive esophogitis and, because she screamed most of the day she was awake the entire day without napping for longer than 20 min or so while in the sling. She would sleep from 8 pm until 7 am without stirring from about 4 or 5 months or so and I chalked it up to exhaustion from being up all day, every day. My 4th also has GERD but it was diagnosed early and he’s on medication in addition to other ways of helping the GERD (erect feeding, lots of time in a wrap or sling so that he’s upright, etc.). He tends to follow the pattern that #2 set – catnaps for approximately 20 min here and there but usually not long naps. Since he is exclusively breastfed, I can’t understand why he doesn’t wake in the night. He’ll fall asleep around 9 pm or so and doesn’t wake until 7 or 8 am. Further, he doesn’t usually cry to let me know he’s awake and hungry in the morning, even if he’s in the room with me in the co-sleeper. He simply sticks his fingers in his mouth and sucks on them. The only time he really cries is if he’s absolutely starving and that doesn’t happen often, since I generally offer him the breast whenever he fusses, after changing him and making sure nothing else is bothering him. I personally worry that he ignores his own hunger cues until he can no longer stand it. I never sleep trained the other 3 and certainly didn’t plan to with this one, but it seems like he’s done it himself.

I didn’t include it because a) it’s not *that* normal (though it can happen with nothing being wrong, absolutely), and b) this was about ABnormal sleep 🙂 I do hear from some parents though how concerning it is when their young baby sleeps through so I do want to do a piece on it, but I need to dig in for more research as to the reasons – especially for breastfed infants which is the biological norm 🙂

One thing to consider IS the sling nap as you rightfully pointed out – if your baby doesn’t sleep well in the sling, then she’ll catch up at night 🙂

In our case, four months and a half Uma sleeps from 8:00 p.m to 8:00 a.m but ALWAYS demands to be breastfed every 2hours, day or night. She naps every two hours from twenty to sixty minutes. My pediatrician suggests we extend her feedings period gradually. Should we? He says that a baby needs to sleep for longer stretches to help her absorb or process what she had learn during the day. Is that true? Or what is the cause of her wanting o drink so often. She is gaining well and seems to be a really happy little girls. Is it normal. I don’t know if we’re normal!

Two hours seems pretty normal to me at that age!!! I don’t know what he’s talking about in terms of processing what she has to learn during the day – we know that sleep consolidates memories, but infant sleep is quite different from adult sleep so it’s unclear in infancy if that even holds. Further, if she’s just rousing to nurse without waking, it’s not really interrupting her sleep is it??

I think you should do what you feel comfortable with and what your girl is telling you she’s comfortable with 🙂

This is a great article for parents. My son was this article to a T. He was an awful sleeper as an infant – naps were a constant battle and a good night for us was 4 wakings – he never had longer stretches of sleep. There were periods where he would be up 3x an hour. I got told regularly that it was normal, and he was sleeping poorly because of teething or sleep regressions or developmental milestones. And things didn’t improve during his toddlerhood, plus he started to have obvious gain issues. We decided to make some diet changes including going gluten free and he miraculously went from 4-10 wakeups per night as his norm, at 22 months, to sleeping mostly through the night. Then he struggled with falling asleep for another year while we worked on healing his gut. Now, at 4, he sleeps wonderfully, and I wonder how many other kids have undiagnosed gut health issues that contribute to sleep issues. I am so glad that we never resorted to sleep training, no matter how awful sleep was for us all. I don’t think I could live with the guilt of abandoning my son when he was in pain.

So what you didn’t address is what DO you do when you have a baby waking every 20-60 minutes with every major cause ruled out?

My 7 month old currently wakes 15-20+ times each night, despite falling asleep happily at the start of the night. It’s been like this for 103 days now. It can’t possibly be healthy for her, myself, my husband or our other kids to be woken upwards of 3 times an hour some nights. Bedsharing doesn’t work, offering to nurse only works 30% of the time, all the “right” things have been done in regards to bedtime routine, white noise, etc. Everyone has an opinion of what not to do but no one has the solution of what to do…I’m pretty confident this is going to end with me falling asleep at the wheel and my kids getting hurt.

I’m so frustrated by all these “figure it out” or “just bedshare” opinions (not just on your blog, but in general) . When cuddling, nursing, walking, rocking, bouncing, bedsharing, room sharing, crib sleeping, mattress-on-the-floor sleeping, etc. doesn’t work, then what?

Hi I am also struggling with this. I feel your pain. Although my daughter is younger ( 4 months) I have a 3 year old who also wouldn’t nap or sleep at night for more than an hour / hour and a half over 2 years. My youngest had a 2 week honeymoon but is now also not sleeping well day or night. I’m dreading going through all this again. Currently my youngest is waking every 5-45 mins through the night often settling with a feed but waking a short while after being put down . We are bed sharing and breastfeeding. She is growing well no supply issues. No suggestion of intolerances and no obvious reflux ( happy if held generally- not just upright) naps only happen in the sling . I am struggling in day to do any form of settling for naps due to older child’s assistance ( lack of!) . Any suggestions gratefully received. Thank you

Thank you so much for this article. I must have read it fairly close to when it was published, and am just coming back today to share it with another mom.

My oldest daughter’s sleep was what you described above (waking every hour or less and screaming/crying). When reading anything about sleep in the non-sleep-training community (attachment, responsive, etc.), or posting questions in groups, I always got “this is normal” and “this too shall pass” so I just went with it. Any time I brought it up with a doctor, I got information about sleep training. So I figured it was just normal and she would grow out of it. She did gradually start to sleep somewhat better, and eventually (around 3) was only waking up a few times a night (but was still waking up crying hard), so I thought we were making it to the other side. Somewhere in there I read this article and it stuck in the back of my mind. But some nights she was waking up and crying with pain … she *always* woke up crying/screaming, but this would last for up to 15, 30 minutes, very occasionally for an hour, and was a higher pitched cry… She probably had done this even when she was younger but it wasn’t until we got to about 2+ years it wasn’t as obvious compared to all the other night wakings. At the time we decided that it was occasional growing pains, as my husband had those a lot as a child. Then they began increasing in frequency and by about 3.5 years old it was almost every night. By 4, with a few more doctor appointments and trying physical therapy where the PT couldn’t find anything wrong, we finally figured out she had an iron deficiency. Restless legs are a symptom of iron deficiency. Two weeks into taking an iron supplement and she was almost regularly sleeping through the night (we are still taking the supplements 7 months later because they take so long to build up, but that’s all it took for sleep to improve). And yet, the last two months again we are having more sleep disturbances again. At least with the iron deficiency off the plate the symptoms have changed, and she can talk to us about it more now, we know that it is pain specific to her joints. We are going back to the doctor again next week. A few people have mentioned juvenile arthritis, but we only have about half of the symptoms, and not some of the more obvious symptoms. So we shall see.

The point is, I am so grateful we never tried to sleep train, and that we were always there to comfort her even if we didn’t know she was experiencing pain. In retrospect, those night wakings may have been more difficult for her than we realized at the time. And secondly, I’m grateful that I realized we had moved beyond “this too shall pass” and sought help. Our doctor now has been fantastic and I’m optimistic we’ll get this sorted out eventually. I also wanted to add a few things to your list above for other parents who might find their way here. Apparently iron deficiency is often one of the first things tested for with sleep disturbances, if you actually get around to testing, but many people may avoid it because it required a blood draw which can be difficult with young children. We also had tested for Lyme Disease at the same time (as well as a bunch of other things that were more related to pain than to sleep). As you mentioned within the article, she does also have a food allergy and is sensitive to light and sound, a very light sleeper.

I’m surprised you don’t mention sleep association issues. They are not just a bugaboo created by ‘sleep trainers’ — sensitive sleepers really will wake up from being in a different place than they fell asleep. Getting babies to fall asleep in the crib (without crying) has always helped over here.

That’s not just sensitive sleepers, that’s a biological imperative to ensure safety. If you woke up in a different area than you went to sleep, you’d wake quickly and rapidly. That, however, is not abnormal, which was the focus of this article.

I’m so glad I found this article. I have been following you for a while but wanting some information about what isn’t normal. I’m pretty sure my 7 1/2 month old baby falls into that category – waking up crying usually every hour every night for the last 4+ months. Very rarely he will go for a 2 hour stretch. Recently he’s started waking up ready to play in the middle of the night. We co-sleep so I end up nursing him back to sleep unless he’s in play mode then I just wait for him to get tired again.

I did a bit of CIO with my middle child and though I’m completely exhausted now and feel like I’m at my breaking point every day I won’t do it again. After all those ramblings my question is – are there any signs to look for that would point to food allergies? I don’t think my son fits any of the other categories of medical issues. I don’t even know where to start. Looking for a non sleep training doctor in the states is hard when health care is so expensive. I can’t afford to go to doctor after doctor looking for help. Or do you have a go-to website that has suggestions for babies that wake often? Thank you!

The main symptoms for food issues include: mucus in the poo, green stools (though this is also normal when other symptoms are absent), a rash around the opening of the anus or even a larger scale rash, and of course waking and crying in pain.

Re the middle of the night wakings – that is actually biologically normal and how we all used to sleep. You may need to roll with that one 🙂

[…] frequently throughout the first year and beyond. It is not a sleep problem. Some babies do have underlying issues that may be exacerbating their normal wakeful behaviour and addressing these is crucial but the […]

My baby is 8 weeks and wont sleep day or night . All he wants to do is eat all day and wont let me put him down or let anyone else hold him . The longest he sleeps at night is hour and half . He refuses to bap during the day . I can tell he is tired buy fights his sleep . I am exhausted and dont know what to do please help .

My 1 year old still sleeps very poorly. Since about 7-8 months old age wakes every 45 mins or less and cries until fed. On a rare good night she will sleep 2-3 hours. On average she will wake every 1-2 hours. She had reflux as a baby, which was significantly helped by me not eating dairy. I pumped as she had nipple confusion early on due to low delay in my milk coming in. I also removed wheat and eggs from her diet which helped removed night time gas which she appeared to be suffering from and crying. This has helped. Would you do a consult with me? She sleeps well during the day, taking a 2-3 hour nap. I have considered night weaning her but I know it’s not recommend until 18 months. She is highly verbal and understands well so I’m wondering if I could do this earlier. We bed share. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!