Share your best and worst groomsmen and bridesmaid gift ideas

When my sister got married, she gave me a (quality) watch for being her maid of honor. Karen went the designer watch route, too, when I was the MOH in her wedding. Karen also gave each bridesmaid a hand-made clutch to match their shoes. Another memorable bridesmaid gift: a small photo album of the bride and I over the years.

I still wear the watches, and carry the clutch (although not at the same time). I look through the photo album at least once a year. These were awesome gifts. Not only were they practical, and sentimental, but they were useful.

So often, brides and grooms fall back on cliches, opting for engraved flasks for the guys and lotion, soap or candles for the ladies.

Matching jewelry sets is also another big, bad cliche (and by matching, I mean the kind of jewelry you buy as a set — and then buy identical sets for each of your attendants).

Flip flops round out the “bad idea” gift list.

But then there are the brides like Cindy and Karen and many, many others who gift smartly, thinking of each attendant, their likes and dislikes and not buying any old thing. These are your best friends and family, after all, you should know them well enough that you don’t have to rely on anything similar to what you’d give as a grab bag or Secret Santa item at Christmas.

Some of the well-regarded presents: gift certificates for massages or other beauty treatments, high-quality robes with their initials engraved, dinner out, or even a hand-written note talking about your friendship and just how important they are to you. That would cost the bride and groom nothing (well, other than the note card), but would likely mean more than any silver-plated necklace or sleeve of golf balls ever could.

I’m working on a story for VOW on the most-creative, and worst (most cliche) gifts brides and grooms give their attendants.

Did you score for your attendants? Or maybe you were the recipient of a thoughtless, quick-decision gift.

59 Responses

For the guys, we went to Etsy and bought each groomsmen custom cufflinks. His brother recently moved to California. His cufflinks had a map of San Fran on one and a map of Latham on the other. http://goo.gl/rT8rP
His two best friends moved to Queens, so their cufflinks were old subway tokens. My brother is a radio dj — his cufflinks featured an old-fashioned radio mic.

Ugh, I have been a bridesmaid 11 times. I’m always happy to be in someone’s wedding. I will plan awesome events, I will wear uncomfortable shoes. I will happily dance and smile sweetly for the camera with the handsy groomsman. I will keep your little cousins occupied and on the dance floor. I will keep my eyes on your cousin who gets inappropriate after a few glasses of wine. I will buy that overpriced eggplant colored cocktail dress and sincerely say “Of course its beautiful and I’ll totally wear it again!” even though it washes me out, is itchy, highlights my trouble areas and I have no reason ever to attend an event that requires a cocktail dress. I will purchase an over priced specialty bra that i will never wear again, but have to wear to your wedding because the bizarre cut of the dress requires it. I will do all of this with a smile on my face and nary a complaint to be heard. In those 11 weddings, I have received some very nice, and I’m sure expensive, gifts. Generally things that are not my style, or that I have no room or use for. I haven’t kept a one. Ive given them away, I’ve garaged saled others. Offer to pay for my dress, offer to pay for my hair and makeup. But enough with the gifts. I dont wear watches, I dont carry clutches, I don’t wear that perfume, I have a small home with limited storage. Seriously. No more gifts

For the boys we did pocket watches, but we made them personal (a navy one for his brother, a dragon for the best man who loves dragons, and jack skellington for his friend who collects everything nightmare before christmas).

For the girls I gave a personalized tote bag. In the bag was a robe (we all had matching ones which made a great picture), a bag of travel size stuff for them to use the day of (deoderant, tide stick, toothbrush etc), and pearl earings. We were all wearing pearls for the wedding plus pearls are always classy. Plus they didn’t match. I mean they were all pearls but the settings were different.

I think flip flops are a good idea if they are in addition to other gifts. I gave my girls pearl earrings and necklaces to wear on my wedding day, white flip flops for them to be comfortable during the reception, a bottle of wine from one of the wineries we visited during a wine tour for my bachelorette party, and I put all those items in monogrammed bags that I got for each of them.

For our recent wedding, we gave the groomsmen pocket squares with their last initial, a (higher end) tie for the wedding that they could obviously use again, and a handwritten, personal card from my husband.

The girls received clutches that they can hopefully use again, earrings for the wedding (all were different styles, based on their taste) and small, silver jewelry boxes from pottery barn with their first initial. I also created personal cards on shutterfly with photos of me and each bridesmaid, flower girl, etc.

Spaz – that was AWESOME. And I have to say, I totally agree with your idea to pay for something that is a mandatory cost to the bridesmaid.

I have not yet been a bride (although what to give my MOH for my wedding that is a year and a half away is already giving me anxiety), but I can tell you the WORST gift I got was an awful necklace. I mean, I guess it was nice, but definitely NOT my style. The bride got each of the bridesmaids the same exact necklace. And it just so happened to match the dress.

When brides gift jewelry to wear on the day of the wedding, I think of that as just another way for them to control what the bridesmaids look like. And I HATE it!! The necklace that was given to me as a “thank you” gift was regifted to my mom… I don’t think she’s worn it. Maybe a nice bottle of wine would be a better gift idea. I don’t even drink wine but I do know I’d prefer a nice bottle of wine over an ugly necklace that I am forced to wear.

My MOH has been incredible — I mean BEYOND BELIEF incredible and I am really sweating what to get her! Sure, we have been friends since I was 12, this shouldn’t be so hard, but…it is. It’s tricky to think of something that’s good enough…usually for Christmas we give each other little things, like candles or cookies. She would probably enjoy a PlayStation game but you gotta admit that does NOT seem like a worthy gift…and anyway she could easily buy any game she wanted for herself.
She’s already bought her dress, at an awesome discount by the way, and didn’t want me to buy it for her.

First – I gave them a sheer pashmina that they wore over their dresses in church.

Then I gave them sterling silver, mother of pearl earrings. The great thing about them is that I have seen some of the girls wear them over and over again. So I know they were practical.

Then – (this is where it gets sentimental) – I went on the hunt to find vintage handkerchiefs. I believe I found them in a store in downtown Troy. I bought each girl a handkerchief and went to a place that does embroidery and had each girls’ initials put on the corner of the hankie. Each girl carried the hankie with their flowers. (They just kind of folded it up and wrapped it around the handle of the flowers.)

Then, I found a small little book on friendship and wrote an individual note in the front of the book.

All in all – I think I combined sentimentality with practicality and the gifts showed my girls how much they meant to me.

I believe my husband gave his groomsmen tickets to a professional soccer game that they all went to a few months later.

Spaz, I’m there with ya. My husband and I were just talking about that last night…I’ve been in 8 weddings and the average cost to be in each of the weddings adds up to a small fortune, especially since not one of them was local.

When I was MOH for my college best friend, she gave me a beautiful pair of red earrings. My favorite color and petite size, just like I would have picked out. Her other bridesmaid, she gave her a real old fashioned popcorn machine. It was a running joke and the bridesmaid loved it! The bride clearly remembered our tastes and kept that in mind when choosing the gifts.

I decided to pay $75 toward the cost of each bridesmaids dress. That was back in 1995 and the dresses were $150…which was at the higher end of bridemaid dresses at the time. They were all poor college students and newlyweds, so they were totally psyched.

@ Spaz and ETB – Well on the plus side, you both have a plethora of friends which is awesome to say (but more importantly to have!!) I have only been in one wedding which was years ago and got the customary matching jewelry with engraved box. It still sits on the back corner of my dresser, collecting dust, as I can’t bring myself to throw it out thinking that it might bring bad luck to the couple, who are still together.

I have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor in 4 or 5 weddings. Most were standard variety matchy-match satin dresses & shoes.
One had me wearing some insane Jasmine from Aladdin crown headband with a shower poof of mesh weirdness on the back of the crown. In teal, no less. Matched the dress. It was a holy horror of trauma.

I have no recollection whatsoever of any gift I received from any of these weddings… how odd.

@mic,
I love my friends dearly and deeply. Almost as much as I love my husband, kid and dog ( I could take or leave the cat). I would do anything for them, and I hope they would for me. That being said, I dread the phone call after the “We’re ENGAGED!”, because I know whats coming. I figure I’ve only got 2 more possible times to do it. When I got married, I paid for hair, makeup and nails and took them all out for lunch. I said very clearly “NO BACHELORETTE PARTIES UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES I was plenty tarty in college, I have no need to relive my glory days now that I’m about to be a boring married person” which helped them to save money.

Love the timing of this post! I was just wandering around Stuyvestant Plaza yesterday during an unexpected afternoon off. Wound up finding a beautiful necklace in Pearl Grant Richmanns (of all places) that I love and immediately thought of BMs gifts. It’s from a line called Crislu, which, yes, is “costume jewelry”, but it’s totally simple and sophisticated and something I think would appeal to my rather varied party. Haven’t made up my mind yet, and my wedding’s a year and a half away, but I really want to please the majority of my girls without breaking the bank!

I hate the idea of giving matching jewelry as a way of controlling what the bridal party wears. That totally screams “Bridezilla” to me, which I am trying my darndest to avoid. I guess I always just thought of it as an easy way to be fair to all the girls, because contrary to what is proposed in the post, it CAN be hard to buy personalized gifts for each of them no matter how close you are! I love my girls and think I know them inside and out, but sometimes that makes it even HARDER to buy for!

And before anyone says I would buy them a necklace just because “I” liked it, I am really trying to keep all of their personalities in mind and buy something that is universally classy and versatile. I have received both my favorite “go-to” pearl necklace as well as my “worst gift ever” tacky necklace that never saw the light of day again after her wedding “gift” from brides, so I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I’d like to think my choice will be a home run not merely for my wedding day attire, but something the girls will enjoy and cherish when they (hopefully!) wear it again.

All of my bridesmaids got Pandora bracelets for our wedding. I got them each a charm that had some significance to them (ie, musical note for one who is really crazy about music). I did not require that they be work during the wedding..I just wanted to let them know that I was thinking about them. I had 6 bridesmaids, and I have seen the bracelets regularly on 4 of them. I hope the other girls at least found someone good to regift to.

Our groomsmen got swiss army knives with their names engraved into them. I hated the idea, but they all seemed to really like them. I have witnessed almost all of them pull them out of their pockets to use them for one thing or another. Weird.

All of my girls were married with children. I had a mothers necklace made or each of them, with their wedding date in the center and the names of their little ones on the outside ring. They all had a circular necklace but each one was unique to them. My flower girl has one with her name engraved on it. They ALL still wear them :)

My husband gave each of his groomsmen coffee table books that were chosen based on their interests. I paid for my bridesmaids hair and makeup for the big day and then I also gave them nice canvas tote bags with a few items (candles and I can’t remember what else) all in the color scheme of the wedding.

We only had 2 attendants each, so we gave one groomsman excellent seats to a baseball game, the other received a brand new suit (that he wore to the wedding as he didn’t have one prior to that). The bridesmaids both received diamond necklaces. We know how much they all had to do and spend to be part of our wedding, so in the best way we were able, we wanted to show them our gratitude and love for all they did & their care & support of us.

My husband gave nice watches to his groomsmen. I gave my bridesmaids silver Tiffany necklaces. The necklaces were all different base on what each woman would like and they did not have to wear them to the wedding.

I only had two attendants. One was a little girl I went to Silver Parrot and got two very different necklaces for them. As or me, I have been in many weddings,but other than one where we got matching jewelry ( which was actually my style) I do not even remember the gifts!!!

Thankfully my 3 best friends & I made a promise to never make each other be bridesmaids. #1 didn’t have any at all. #2 had her sister only. Us 2 remaining couldn’t be less interested in getting married.

One of the best gifts you can give your bridesmaids is to not be a Bridezilla – I told my attendants to wear whatever black shoes they owned, wear their hair and makeup however they wanted, and to wear whatever jewelry they wanted – their style and their look was right for me because I wanted them as individuals in my wedding, not as clones. I paid for their dresses and I gave them each a gold bracelet but they did not have to wear it at the wedding. The bridesmaids dresses were black velvet cocktail dresses that they all wore again many times – they were not bridesmaids dresses (e.g. taffeta horrors with dyed shoes to match that you won’t wear either) – My husband gave his groomsmen fishing vests and tackle because they all liked to fish –

My cousin gave all of her bridal attendants black-and-white Vera Bradley totes and matching umbrellas. I was never a Vera Bradley fan before, but the totes were so useful that day (shoving in all of our makeup, etc.) and then afterwards, I find that it’s a great gym bag because of the size (and the fact that it’s washable). And her colors were black and white, so the matching umbrellas also made a great photo op.

I gave my attendants necklaces from Swarvoski. My husband gave his groomsmen gifts from ThinkGeek.

Of the 3 weddings I’ve been in I have received a cheap set if imitation pearls, a cheap poorly made necklace and earrings and another set of pearls (that were real). I’ve never received anything other than jewelry to wear for the wedding.
When I got married, I only had two attendants. For my sister I gave Her a new York Yankees necklace and paid for her hair and makeup. For my niece I gave her an engraved belt buckle with her horse’s name on it because she shows horses.
The groomsmen went to Cooperstown for the bachelor party to the baseball hall of fame. A few weeks before, my husband conspired with their significant others to obtain their signatures and had personalized baseball bats made with their signatures just like the ones the pros use. They all loved them. And I earned bonus points by ordering one for my husband and sneaking it in to his order.

I comment on blogs about three times a year, but I have to agree with Amanda about the flip flops. Our wedding was at the Hall of Springs and when they asked if we wanted to put flip flops in the bathroom for guests I said nooo — probably a bit too loud :) Everyone is entitled to do what they wish at their own wedding, of course, but it certainly does not look tasteful to have grown women wearing nice dresses and hot pink, rubber flip flops.

My husband received an awful/worse groomsmen gift from his brother. It is a small glass football clock that rests on a wood display with an engraved plate with the weddings date or something. I remember when he handed the gift over to put in our car him saying “I don’t like football, what did he get me this junk for?”. I am sure it was chosen based on budget but it should have been more personalized to my husband or him and his brother.

We still have the stupid thing stored someplace because we have no idea what to do with it and haven’t tossed it in the trash yet. Next time I come across it, I am tossing it.

In my other life, I make bridesmaids dresses from vintage materials and I’ve been surprised to find that most of the time, it’s the bride or even her mom (a Mormon wedding, so maybe different) who is buying all the dresses. I like that, in that she’s paying for them; don’t like it because I feel the bridesmaids don’t have a say.

Also, do people here in the Capital District know how popular cowboy boots are as footwear for the attendents? Utah, South Carolina, Montana, California — all cowboy boots.

For my bridal party they all got a tote filled with goodies. Each one got a monogramed hanging cosmetic bag filled with essentials they would need for the night of the wedding (and the hotel) and might have forgotten to pack, deoderant, shampoo, conditioner, face wash, oill abosorbing wipes. I also put in flip flops that matched their dresses so that they could wear them at the wedding. And then each bridesmaid got a personalized gift, my MOH got an open heart charm for her bracelet, my sisters got Sister of the bride frames, my SIL got jerlery that I knew she loved (feathered earings and fun necklaces, nothing she could wear the day of the wedding) and my cousin got a photo box engraved with “God made us cousins beause he knew out mom’s couldn’t handle us as sisters”. I did not want to go the jewlery route and make them feel obligated to wear anything the day of and I wanted it all to be personal.

For our wedding I let my 5 bridesmaids pick their own dress (of the same color and length) so that each felt flattered and comfortable in their own style. I also let them choose their own hair styles (which I covered the cost of) and shoes. I gifted them a few things including a clutch for the day of, stationary books that reminded me of them, and some other little things. I DID go with the same matchy necklace and earring route for each because they all had their own style with the different dresses/hair and I wanted something to tie them all together as “my girls”. I have seen a few of them re-wearing the jewelry pieces from time to time, so I feel like it was a good choice!

I got them each a Kate Spade gold idiom bangle (bracelet), a variation of the color pink oversized button-down shirt with their monograms in navy blue (to wear getting ready), cute patterned boxers (to wear getting ready)a black ruffled clutch from coldwater creek that i would hope they could all use again… and a facinator to wear on the day of the wedding (obviously know they cant wear it again…but it looked cute the day of! and i got my MOH a special one custom made at that cute store in the Albany Airport..

Re: the flip flop thing. IMO, I don’t care how classy you think your wedding venue is, flip flops will immediately take it down a few notches on the classy scale…especially if they’re OFFERING you flip flops. My goodness. But, I mean — it’s upstate NY, not Buckingham Palace, where I’m sure Kate Middleton never wears flip flops, if ever — so a lot of things get by.

I just don’t see the point in asking bridesmaids to buy shoes to go with their dress and then hand them $10 flip flops, calling it a gift.