Sorry, this is being added to the not quite right pile. Actually, it is full-on not right at all. Not only is there only one dancer (where are the other seven?), but the outdated plinky plonky music and weird dance moves turn into “Turn Down for What” and twerking halfway through. Try harder next year, Master Chief. Find seven good friends and some awesome music to celebrate Square Dance Day 2015, please!

In our collection of square dance appearing in popular culture, there are very few examples where square dancing is portrayed properly and lots where it is not quite right. In That 70s Show, they have a caller, and he is calling actual calls that exist, but the calls don’t match what the dancers are doing. Also, they seem to be doing “old tyme” (or “traditional”) square dancing, but that may have been more popular in the 70s, so that could be historically accurate. If they had just matched the calls with the dancing, they could have avoided being relegated to the “not quite right” category. Try harder media people!

Arthur and Francine are a square-dancing duo in gym class. When Muffy tries to switch partners (she’s saddled with Binky Barnes!), Francine refuses to trade. “Francine won’t share Arthur with me,” Muffy complains to Binky. “She acts like she owns him.” That’s all Binky needs to hear to put two and two together — Francine and Arthur are in love!

You can also watch the episode of Arthur (an animated show) that features square dancing here, but I have to warn you that what they are doing looks NOTHING LIKE SQUARE DANCING!

The original video posted by emilyarbegust shows Ms. Middleton dancing, but I am not convinced that it was actually square dancing. I think she was just dancing to country music with an older gentleman and someone who doesn’t know anything about square dancing has decided that it is square dancing. I’d have to see a longer clip to be sure, but I’m calling “not quite right” on this one.

UW-Platteville’s Rountree Wind Symphony ensemble is a professional ensemble comprised of wind and percussion faculty members, selected students and alumni and regional professional musicians from southern Wisconsin and eastern Iowa. “The ensemble is a great opportunity for a select number of students to play alongside both professors and wind band professionals,” said Ellis.

I can’t find a full version of the song as performed by Rountree Wind Symphony online, but judging from this scratchy recording of the song being performed by the Heart of Texas Concert Band (Dr. Mark Rogers, conductor) in 2009, this doesn’t sound very square dancey to me, so it is getting filed under “not quite right“.

Released in 1998, Adiemus III: Dances of Time is the third album by Welsh composer Karl Jenkins as part of the Adiemus project. This album is a tribute to the interrelationship between music and dance throughout history. As such, most tracks are composed in a traditional style of dance, including meter.

This song was inspired by square dancing, but as it is unlikely to be used in an actual square dance, it will be added to the “not quite right” collection.

Kitsune² is one pseudonym used by the Canadian artist Ren Queenston, also known as Renard and a bunch of other names. (Renard is fox in French and Kitsune is fox in Japanese). On his website Lapfox Trax, he introduces his work like this:

Music by Ren Queenston under a number of different aliases, each sporting their own musical style. an ambitious attempt to explore everything from ridiculous, goofy hardcore to dreamy (or nightmarish) ambient work.

For some reason, he has called one of his albums “Square Dance”. The first track (after the minute+ long intro) is also called “Square Dance”. The first track goes from 1:05 to 3:47. This particular incarnation of his music seems to be inspired by the background music in video games.

I’m not really sure what the song or the album have to do with square dancing. I’m adding this to the “not quite right” category (where I add instances of square dancing appearing in popular culture that don’t quite represent actual square dancing) as the tempo is far too fast for square dancing and I can’t discern any other aspects of the music that relate to square dancing.