Friday, November 26, 2010

Act Like You Care: Michael Lohan & LiLo Will Spend Thanksgiving Together

Lindsay Lohan's doctors at Betty Ford have allowed her to leave her sober living facility for 15 whole hours so that she can spend the day with the shaved and deep fried turkey known as Michael Lohan! Gobble gobble gross. TMZ says that LiLo will drive from Palm Springs to Los Angeles to feast with her friends and her on-and-off again father. LiLo must be back in her bed at Betty Ford by tonight, OR ELSE her counselors will punish her by only letting her get a manicure during their therapy sessions instead of a mani AND a padi. Burn.

And while Michael and Lindsay give thanks to the TMZ tip line, on-call paparazzos, mesh shirts, cell phone clips, and the sober baby who pees in a cup for her every week for drug testing, White Oprah will be celebrating without her main ho.

White Oprah was hoping LiLo would be allowed to travel to New York for the holiday, but obviously that's not going to happen. Poor White Oprah. When she passes out under the kids' table with an empty bottle of Wild Turkey hanging out of her mouth, who's going to drag her to the bathroom and hold her straw hair as she yacks up pureed Stove Top stuffing? Nobody does it like LiLo! Doesn't Betty Ford care about TRADITION?!!!