for the love of odd

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life…Unless You Walk Into A Room Filled With Generally Awful People, Violent Felons In Particular, Or Word Nerds

November 20, 2015

Speaking of the dreaded job search: a while ago, I applied to work at Dictionary.com. What better job could there be for a person who loves words with every fiber of her being? I was firmly convinced that I was born to work at Dictionary.com. Alas, they didn’t have any openings at that time, but I have to say that their online job application was one of the smarter and more creative ones I’ve ever had the pleasure of head-tango-ing with. Yeah – a job application that actually made me THINK. They DO exist, and it was awesome. (Also, this more than proves my theory that people who genuinely care about words are better than everyone else.) Whilst purging a heap of unnecessary files on my computer the other day, I rediscovered a copy of my application and was reminded of the sheer brilliance of the whole experience.

My favorite thing: they wanted to know what my theme song would be when I walked into a room. Why don’t more companies want to know vital details like that about potential employees? It might seem like a facetious question, but it’s not. You can glean buckets of information about a person based upon their musical tastes. I judge (and scorn) people all the time for that very thing! Anyway, after careful review of their question, and my response, I have to say that I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m rehashing it here to underscore the importance of having a theme song or two queued up (at least in your mind) in order to really make an entrance. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first impression, so you might as well menace and terrify people. Or at least greatly confuse them.

When you walk into a room, what theme song would you like to have playing in the background?

Best. Application. Question. Ever.

It’s SO thought-provoking, I can’t pick just one. Can I give you my top five? It would be like an iPod shuffle interface. I’d mix it up depending on the vibe of the room that I walked into. So here they are, in no particular order:

The Theme From Mission: Impossible. This would convince people that my skill set was far more advanced than it actually is. Bonus if it convinced people I’m a bad-ass, too. (I’m really not.) Of course, having this theme song would require me to be suspended from a wire and lowered into the center of the room, rather than just “walking in,” and sure, that’s a logistical nightmare, so I’m only entering a room with this playing as my theme song if I’m given a suitably-sized budget to do so with.

Monty Python’s ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.’ It’s upbeat and optimistic, like me. Plus it would help me identify the Monty Python fans in the room by who was laughing, so I’d know who to sit next to.

The Theme Song From ‘Twilight Zone.’ If I walk into a room filled with awful people, I’d like for them to be at least a little afraid of me.

‘Ace of Spades’ by Motorhead – in case I take a wrong turn and accidentally walk into a biker bar instead of the room I was looking for. I want to seem like I’d fit in, so as not to get stabbed on sight.

‘Mariner’s Revenge Song’ by The Decemberists. It’s deceptively bouncy on the surface, belying darker layers beneath – making me seem smart and complex, with a subversive streak. Also, the abundance of Scrabble-winning words in the lyrics might impress a room filled with potential Dictionary.com bosses.

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