Post by reachforthesky on Jan 8, 2013 21:11:44 GMT -8

Being a huge noob to Squatch 2012, I made a shit ton of mistakes. All memorable fun ones/not so fun ones.

When you're in that gigantic line(or really herd) of cars all crawling to their future party positions for the next 4+ days, be weary of drinking too much....especially if you're the one driving. I was so stoked when they lined us up in rows that we all just waited, listened to music, and what else, drank. All sounds well to me. Shit moves so slow people let their cars roll with them while they are outside playing Frisbee and football. Precede to get fucked up, drive some more, get free Redbull, save for later and drink more beer. Get to your spot and let the Set-up commence!!!

Problem here: I had the grandiose idea that I would have 2 tents. One would be strictly for partying/staying out of the wind, extra misc. shit. It's big and can fit lots of people. My other one was a tiny 3 person tent that is badass and gets the job done wherever I'm at. Though in my packing I thought it would be a good idea to just mix everything together to save space. It's color coded, not hard to fuck up! So As I pull out my tent supplies and stumble about looking for gear I come to the drunken realization I mixed my shit up- Big Party Tent: check. Big Party Tent Poles: checkBig party Tent Cover: Nope....FUCK

So I ended up with a big ass tent with next to nothing cover, freezing my balls of night after night. In a drunken happy stupor barely functional. Also other important Items I forgot were a sleeping bag, and a pillow.(Those go great.... sleeping near a gorge) I was so hard pressed to make sure I didn't run out of booze I made my own "Hippie Juice" in which was nearly 10 gallons of, I was giving the shit away if you walked by my friends tents...and still had some when I came home. Another great Item would be a headlight at night, a flag/light up thing to guide you to camp at night.(I had a "Oly Animal Emergency" sign on top of my van that reflected light- worked perfectly!) One thing too which I plan to bring is some kind of solar charger for my phone. So I don't waste so much time at the fucking charging tent(Granted that was fun sometimes too) but charge that baby up for the day while people wake up, eat breakfast, etc etc before gates open.

You need a perfect ratio of gear to booze. It will take me a very long time and more festivals till I find the right ratio, considering booze is a required gear and all...

Post by reachforthesky on Jan 8, 2013 21:17:04 GMT -8

In telling my long ass story I forgot the main point, fuck.

So Tuesday morning rolls around and time to tear down beloved camp site. Open van, start to move shit around, take out bag for tent poles/spikes. WTF EVERYTHING IS HERE. I found the tent underneath a seat too...

Moral of the story- Don't get too shit faced you mix your shit up and think you didn't bring something your sober brain totally brought. At least in the beginning....Once your camp is up- party on.

Post by Horned Gramma on Jan 8, 2013 22:53:16 GMT -8

To my knowledge there hasn't been a death attributable to being an irresponsible fucking asshole at Sasquatch, but hey it's bound to happen eventually and if that statistic doesn't end up being you it will undoubtedly be some other douchestick just like you.

Post by Horned Gramma on Jan 8, 2013 22:59:46 GMT -8

You fucking know what, dude? 2011, I had a friend that I was pretty sure was going to die of dehydration on Sunday morning; I tried to walk him to the medical tent, but he couldn't make it fifty yards. So I was like, well, alright, dude's gonna fucking die and he's my buddy, so I goes, I goes Hey dude, hop in yr car, I'm gonna drive you the quarter mile to the medical tent, okay buddy? and he goes, Yeh, Gramma. Yeh. Yeh. Take me on down to dat big medical tent up in da sky, Gramma. And then I goes, I goes like this, I goes Oh shit, motherfucker, I been drinkin' the McNaughty with Gibbons since 9:00am. It would be irresponsible of me to do that thing that I just said so I'm gonna have to go get the medical tents to come over here okay buddy? and he goes Yeh, man, yeh, I mean like I'm pretty sure I'll be dead before you get back because I only been eatin' rice crackers n' molly since Thursday night, but I understand where you're comin' from and so then we made him eat some spam and drink a fucking gatorade and that was the best we could do because only a fucking asshole hops in his mom's Jetta and goes tooling around in a sea of drunken revelers because that is the manner after which fucking assholes behave[/b][/u].

That was a true fucking story. Don't drink and drive. Even at Sasquatch.

Post by Horned Gramma on Jan 8, 2013 23:19:53 GMT -8

I seriously wait like a responsible adult until the cars are parked and the zone has been marked before I crack my first goddam beer every year. This guy all showing flagrant disregard for common sense filled me with rage.

In other news, his 11 post history is chock full of solid fucking gold. Best to cap that before it goes south.