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Ron Weasley Loves That Goddamn Bloodshot Eyeball!

By Whole Milk, 11/18/2011 - 1:00pm

<Fanfic> It was the beginning of the new schoolyear, and all of the Hogwarts students were gathered in the great hall, giddy with excitement at the prospect of the impending semester. Harry and Hermione were sitting at the Gryffindor table, doing lame shit like drinking non-alcoholic beverages and doing spells that don't kill things or start fires. "Where's Ron," asked Harry, like a wang-nimbus.
All of a sudden Ron swaggered in with his arms around two girls from, I dunno, whatever the hot house is, decked out head to toe in Мишка gear and smoking a blunt and shit. "Ron Weasley, what have you gotten into?" said Hermione and she was all blushing or whatever cuz she was feeling it. "I founded this new Hogwarts house yo, House Мишка," replied Ron. "Our sorting hat is a New Era fitted and our ghost is ODB. Who wants to come get high and watch Troma movies and be based?"
And everyone did so everyone left the other Hogwarts houses. Then Voldemort was over being evil so he came to hang out at House Mishka too but he couldn't keep his shit together and he booted after doing a magical kegstand. The other kids drew magical weiners on his face with their wands after he passed out and the realm of witches and wizards was happy forever after. </Fanfic>
P.S. If you want to be like Rupert, the Tigerstripe Camo Keep Watch Hoodie is available now in-store and online.