Post by Luto Esperanza on Jun 30, 2011 13:17:00 GMT -5

Dear all of my old friends.

Thank you. Thank you sincerely for turning me into the fucked up person I am today. Thank you, for later in our "career of friendship" turning into a complete asshole. Today, I only have a few friends I can hang out with, and by a few I mean about 4. And some of those people I only met recently.

[*:zpvqbw05]Thank you Mr. Next Door Neighbor for being my best friend since I was 3, and then when I was 11 turn into a dick and leave me the eleven year old to "break up" with you. I'm kind of glad you turned into a Marilyn Manson reject, you were a complete, selfish, bastard.[*:zpvqbw05]Thank you one of the 4 people I played with in elementary school. Thank you for being one of my best friends, especially when I dumped Mr. Next Door Neighbor. I'm glad I didn't have no friends at that point, but fuck you for turning into a complete selfish asshole in 7th Grade, thank you![*:zpvqbw05]Thank you person I hung out with every single day last year that I met in 8th grade. You replaced Mr. One of the 4 People I Played with in elementary school. But too bad you're an impressionable bastard. 1st time I met you, you said you were a "Communist." I try to tell you to make a back up plan because there's a large chance you won't be a doctor [because you're an idiotic lazy slump of bull shit]. You think you can double up with Biology and Chemistry next year? I hope you fail! You think you can do great things the way you act right now, guess what YOU CAN'T You think you're such an intelligent person, and you're always right, and you always know the moral choice. Alright Mr. Crack Baby, Mr. "I don't do homework because it's dumb and I'm lazy", Mr. "I hate my parents even though they take care of me", Mr. "I'm gonna move to Canada and be a doctor and get Medical Marijuana". Yeah that'll DEFINITELY WORK OUT. You think just 'cause you're a doctor you'll get Medical Marijuana. Here's two flaws in your "master plan."1.) YOU WON'T BECOME A DOCTOR. I won't be surprise if you'll end up in the gutter!2.) YOU CAN'T GET MEDICAL MARIJUANA WITHOUT A MEDICAL CONDITION. Just that, DUMBASS.And once that fails, you say you'll be a chef or a baker. I'm fine with that because in all honesty, you're great at cooking. But that's just a back up plan that you will probably forget about with your smoking pot every fucking day, all day long. You will probably either barely pass Bio and Chem and get shitty grades and not get into a good college, or just fail. I will laugh. I will FUCKING LAUGH YOU INCONSIDERATE, SELFISH, KNOW IT ALL BASTARD CHILD! You flaunt the fact that your dad was a crack addict and doesn't live with you, and that you're a bastard child THAT'S NOT GOOD.

I'm glad I'm not friends with any of you bastards anymore!

But now I only have a few people I can hang out with... I have pretty much no friends. I have a fear that everyone I've ever met and became friends with don't really like me, they just pretend... Thank you for helping that thought grow... and grow in my head. I am severely depressed, but I refuse medication. My father tries to restrict my friends even more. My mom has Multiple Sclerosis. Both my parents are nearing there 60s, if not in their 60s. My father says that they won't be along much longer... You know I'm depressed that's not such a good thing to say to someone who's depressed.

Thank you everyone for enhancing and promoting my mental deficiencies, I appreciate that you hate me so much.

Post by on Jun 30, 2011 15:09:00 GMT -5

Post by Hakuren Suzumei on Jun 30, 2011 18:22:00 GMT -5

I know I was stupid. I know I was wrong. I attacked her because she was upset and didn't want to talk. I called her names and blamed the entire argument on her. v_v Ever since Sunday I've been torturing myself nonstop about it. Not having her in my life hurts. Plain and simple. Without being able to see her after work or when I'm having a hard day drives me crazy. I'm lonely, lonely as hell. I'm without my best friend, without the girl who tells me her wonderful stories, without the girl I go out of my way to impress with writing my own stories for. She's one of the few people who can make me truly laugh and its been this way for 5 years. I know our relationship is rocky at times but lately it just felt great. She smiled more often, joked more often, and just plain opened up with me more. I threw that all out though by being stupid. I had no grounds to call her a coward, no ground to curse at her, and no grounds to call her a liar. Those were words spoken by a selfish brat, and now I'm in pain because I am without the one person who truly made my day special.

I know you'll never see this but I am bloody sorry, so much so that it hurts me. I've cried every day since then, every time I see something that reminds me of you, or when I get home and get on my computer only to be slapped in the face with the notion of just how miserable I am. To be put frank, the moment you left, I died. This is hell now, a hell I can't escape. If this is to be my fate, if I honestly drove you away... then I don't know what to do.

Five years of friendship. Five years of smiles. Five years of stories. I loved you dearly. We may not of seen each other in a romantic light but you were closer to me than family. You were a kindred spirit, and we were partners in crime. Without my you, my beloved partner, I hate myself. I hate waking up. I hate everything. I just want you back and I feel as if I'm never going to get that.

I dug my own grave and now I have to live in it. I'm sorry. I can't even begin to say it. I'm so dang sorry for betraying you.

Post by Gabriel Ward on Jul 5, 2011 17:54:00 GMT -5

So this has been the holiday weekend from hell. Let's start from the beginning, shall we?

First off, we got the truck on a Friday afternoon. It was going pretty smoothly thus far for our family. We had to get a car dolly for my dad's old piece of shit dodge because the water pump is shot in it so it couldn't make the 430+ mile trip from our old house to our new one. Anyway we started loading the truck that evening, and I already knew that we wouldn't have enough room. I told my parents this, but they didn't believe me at first. We got the first half of the truck loaded with the help of one of my dad's old co-workers and we called it a night, leaving the couch and beds for Saturday.

Saturday rolls around and right off the bat it's fucking hot and humid as hell. We picked the perfect evening to decide to move, that's for damn sure. It was down to me, sister's boyfriend, and my dad loading the truck. We had to carry 3 bookshelves, a futon, 2 dressers (one with a hutch), 3 desks, 2 beds, and one big cabinet downstairs to get on to the truck. This was a pain in the fucking ass. I pulled about 3 muscles just from doing that shit. Aside from that, we had a bunch of boxes up there (book boxes especially... lovely). We bring them all down and dad tells us "We don't have enough room." FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC!!! I refrained from telling him "I told you so."

So we sat in the floor of our old living room and tried to decide how we were gonna go about doing this. I suggested that we come up the next weekend with a new truck, since we'd already have to fork out money anyway to come back up. It'd be the cheapest way possible since the truck we had cost about 400+ dollars on a round trip from Florida to NC then back to Florida just in gas. So we decided we'd just do that. Dad and I left while sister, her boyfriend, and mom stayed behind to "Clean".

On the road, dad was stopping frequently because traffic was heavy as hell. We got caught in a traffic jam probably about 6 or 7 times which lasted 10-20 minutes each time. One time some dumbass was actually in the middle of the road and his car broke down. What was worse though, people were doing u-turns into the grass on the fucking highway. We saw about 4 cars do this. Then, in the emergency lane there were dicks on motorcycles passing us. OH! And the lady that was going up the road and asking random truckers questions about what was causing the traffic jam.

So we get to South Carolina and go past Columbia to get on I-26. TRAFFIC! TRAFFIC! TRAFFIC!!! FINALLY we get to 95 and the traffic thins out and we didn't have any problems after that other than only being able to go 65 with our truck being so loaded down. We get to Georgia and we're cuttin' up and having father-son bonding time when mom calls. The car that my sister's boyfriend was driving (we have 3) which had all the animals in it, overheated and they had to pull off the road. So now we had two broken down cars. She also said that she didn't get the cleaning done at the old house either. So she wanted us to drive all the way back and clean the house (after we unloaded the truck) and then pick up the car and come home and unload the truck again. To this, dad and I both said "God damn it."

About an hour later we get another call. "-LANDLORDNAME- wants to show the house Monday. You have to go back on Sunday to get the rest of the stuff." Fucking fantastic. So after we bust our asses unloading the truck we had another 16 hour trip to and from with a short stop to load the truck and clean the house that my mother left an absolute wreck.

Post by Damon on Jul 10, 2011 1:25:00 GMT -5

Thanks dad for selling my bed, turning my room into a storage unit, and then take the rest of the money that i have made over the years that i had entrusted to you. It was great to know that i really can rely on you. I am sorry if i get pissed off, but really you need to fuck off. It seems that we are always going to be at odds. I hate that you always blame my mom, and yet you are a selfish prick, that can't even handle a job, and was the cause for the devorce. I don't hate you, but really sometimes i wish i could deck you. It seems that no matter what you are always just doing shit just to piss me off.

To you, the supposed love of my life. Why is it that you can never seem to leave your family, why do you always need to be surrounded by them. Learn to balance between them and me. I dont hate being with you and your mom, but i do want time just between the both of us. Yes i want to have sex sometimes, is that such a horrible thing. You who supposedly wants to be with me also wants me to just get happy with the family that continuously makes you cry. You seem to hate any idea of me not liking your mom, but i have yet to understand the redeeming qualities about her that make her your mom. Why is it that i need to call her "mom", why can't you jsut understand that i don't want to, i dont feel comfortable. i dont respect that woman either, she continuously acts like a child, and she does nothing but mope around the house. Tell her to grow the fuck up. Also to you my love, really learn that i am tired of fighting as well, i dont want to fight, but i also cannot just remain quiet. You wish that i would have no problems with your family, but that would mean that i would have no thoughts on life at all. Really learn to fight for our relationship or this shit really will be over.

Post by Wishes on Oct 10, 2011 0:50:00 GMT -5

I apologize profusely for starting this all up again. However, it's unavoidable and I must express my feelings lest I do something I may or may not regret later.

To my ex-best friend:I name you Betrayer, Two-Face, Hypocrite and Craven.I will examine your offenses in order of the above:You took her. You stole her. You listened close while I talked of how I felt, how I cared for naught else, then took her from me. You upended my thousandfold plans for your own selfish desires and struck me down in one blow, so I have lost the man I considered the pinnacle of righteousness and the woman I loved all at once. So I name you Betrayer for taking my trust and dashing it to multifold pieces.

You were the one that introduced the concept of honor in friendship to me. I remember listening in awe as you told me of the basic pillars in truth and justice one was to observe if he was to be a good friend. You called it the way of a warrior. I call it lies and trickery for you created something you never meant to observe. Who was the one who told me never to take what is another's, never to steal a loved one, and never to act but in your friend's best joy? It was you, Hypocrite, and it seems all that talk of honor never reached your heart.

How might I have taken this betrayal better? I would have heard it from your very own lips, the same ones that now kiss her. I would I had been told by you. It's almost laughable how we both could have avoided this incident had you only told me in the very beginning. But no- you waited, and waited, and waited. It was only with the web I finally caught you in that I discovered your lies had no end. ...I apologize, that's untrue.You were never the first to tell me, though I all but drove it from you.No, I had to first ask her and then only when you had lost all deniability did you say a single affirming or denying word. I call you Craven because you have shown me your cowardice and your stupidity.And your excuses stung. Would you have "told me when it was certain?" Ridiculous. Did you "mean to tell, but never quite got that far?" Laughable.No, it was your own cowardice that hindered you, and it was your own stupidity that got you there.

If you read this now, you of course know who you are. And I say this to you:You have lost a friend by your own selfish carelessness. You have lost the one who called you his own best comrade, and you have damned him to anguish with it.I expected better.

To the woman I love(d):I name you Child, Liar, and Manipulator.

I erroneously presumed that you would be able to see him for what he was, even as I told you all he'd done. I thought you would be able to tell me truthfully of all this, and would be able to persuade him in that motion.I thought wrong. All along, you must have just been waiting. All along you must have known, and never once did you say a word.So I name you Child, for any with maturity should be able to see him for what he is, and to see how much a Child he is himself.

I remember with anguish how I responded to your suggestion of letting the two of you meet. This isn't the first time all this has happened, and I presumed it hadn't already for me, that you would be different and I would be saved from that heart-wrenching torture.I was wrong, but I'll remember for quite some time the way you laughed when I voiced my fears of the very same thing happening to you.And I name you Liar because you never told me how your feelings inexorably changed. That's the way love works: it blinds people. And the first to see has an easy exit before the other even realizes his goal is gone. Or in my case, some three months after she first began to slip away. I wonder how much longer ago it all began? Perhaps I would know if you had been honest from the start.

And finally, I name you Manipulator for after all this I cannot stand to cause you pain. I can't even imagine you reading this without developing an uncontrollable urge to delete it all and forget this pain ever happened, because I know I wanted to make you smile forever.

So to you, once-friend, I ask you not show her this if you ever stumble upon my chaotic ramblings. Nay, I beg you.Because I still value you as a person, for no reason I can decide upon.And, as you should have expected knowing me, every emotional scar you leave on her I will duplicate on your flesh.And should you actually dare to harm her, not even her pleas will save you from my wrath.

Post by Seferino Retumbano on Oct 10, 2011 7:07:00 GMT -5

Post by on Oct 10, 2011 9:46:00 GMT -5

So this has been a rather bleh week for me.

Point One:Over the Summer one of my good friends would come over a lot. It was fun, we'd go swimming and stuff, just having a good time and shit. Things were good honestly. I was able to tell her things and everything, but now I'm tired of playing her games.I am not a doll you can come to for comfort and then throw away.I do have feelings.I do not enjoy being used.All I wanted was you to respect me, and what I said.In your eyes none of us understand how you feel? Well have you ever taken a moment to think how we felt? You would manipulate us to no end. How dare we want you to come see us. I was caring for you a lot, I cared for you like my own blood. Yet all you would focus on was how you felt. If I was upset and needed someone there for me you told me it was no big deal and I should get over it. Yet when you were in the same situation I'd do my best to cheer you up. I would take you out to dinner, make you stuff. We'd have a good time laughing. Hell my own family considered you family and then when I asked you not to date one of my ex's you ignored it. I told you out right "I know what you're trying to do, and don't do it. It'd make me very uncomfortable since he's my friend. I've known him next to seven years." Simple fucking bro code, don't date your friends EX's. And you thought I'd be jolly with it when I already told you I wouldn't be? Then I asked you if you were and you lied to me. I hold no respect for people who take whats not there's and try to justify it making themselves sound like huge cry babies. I'm tired of you shitting on me, and my feelings. Then I hear that the week I really needed you I got ignored because you were dating someone. I see how it is, darling. Then I tried to talk to you about it a month later when I was sure the hurt would be lessened some.The whole time you focused on yourself and said I was in the wrong to be upset. Then you wonder why I don't want to be friends? Well when you get your head out of your ass long enough to realize others have thoughts, feelings and concerns maybe you'll see mine. But I doubt it.

Point Two: Then my other best friend (You know who you are) told me on my birthday he wasn't coming to see me because had to work that night. I asked why he couldn't take it off since he promised to go out with me that night. You told me to save up money to rent out your parents house. Which legally you can not do until you're 18 as per Ontario laws. So you ditched out on me for that. I sucked it up and said okay whatever since you promised you'd make it up to me. You never did make it up to me. When I want to see movies but something comes up and I can't you go anyways when I want to go with you. That upsets me. Why should I bother asking you if you're going to see it anyways. Then I don't ask to go because you've seen it so why bother. That really frustrates me to no end but I don't say a thing to you about it. I just smile and pretend its fine.Then I found out that for our other friends birthday you're paying for his cell phone for a year. So much for being your so called best friend, aye?We barely talk anymore, you tend to push me out of conversations a lot. I try to talk with you in the music room and you act like I'm not even there a lot. Its bad when your Ex tends to talk to me more than you, and he barely knows me. I miss my best friend.

Point Three: I'm bipolar and get angry, or upset very easy. Yet I try to hold it all back from people here. I try to be happy to make sure you guys are. It's frustrating to me when someone attacks me and I just take it without lashing back because I try to be a role model. Yeah I know some of you will be ass clowns and go 'Its the internet' the internet has nothing to do with decency towards another person. How would you like it if I called you all names and stuff, then acted best friends to you? Kiss asses piss me off to no end. I respect honesty; not name calling. I'm being honest with you when I say I do not like some of the members here but others make it more than worthwhile. I will continue to try my hardest to be there for all of you. But remember, sometimes I need you guys to be here for me too. To show some support, not all bare swords in my direction.

Point Four: To my mom. I'm tired of you acting like you want nothing to do with me but when you want something you're my best friend. I want to just do something you and I and you brush me off. Or you'll say okay and then invite your friend. Which frustrates me to no end. When I ask to do something just you and I you don't seem to realize I want to talk or something of the likes. People say we're a lot alike but there's one difference. I don't try to anger people, I don't attack them because I can. I try to be reasonable with you then get yelled at because 'I'm a child, I know nothing.' That's such a crock of shit. There's so much I could say about you but it'll fall to just this.

Point Five: To my once best friend, you pretended to be so much and when you were honest with me I accepted it. But the time when I need alone time from everyone you act as if I'm attacking you, ignoring you on purpose. Then you attack me, tell me something I don't know if I'll forgive you for. You're two-faced at times. No better than a child, you need help for all your problems I hope you get it.

Post by Mai Yamasaki on Oct 11, 2011 22:05:00 GMT -5

To all you who have ever said that Roleplaying is stupid, that Roleplaying is 'Fake' and should require no human emotion, for those who have said that the relationships between people online are 'fake' and require no emotion I have one single thing to tell you. Fuck Off. There is nothing that pisses me off more then people who call roleplaying 'fake', Yes its fictional we know it doesn't truly exist but that doesn't deny that any of our thoughts, and emotions put into the roleplay is any different then say someone drawing a comic, or writing a novel. We put our heart, and soul into our posts and our roleplay to the point that I feel that we should be complimented for our divine passion in writing such magnificent things. We are only one step down from grand novelists, weavers of tales that one would not find among the pages of written books.

The words on a forum or a chat room are as true and passionate as that of a book, and to all of you who dare say that we are immature, childish, don't deserve any form of recognition for the thoughts, passion, loving, caring, soul-shattering, heart-breaking, roleplays that we sometimes do? You are the immature ones, you are the childish ones, you are the ones who should be reprimanded and laughed at. Most, if not all, of the high ranking roleplayers that I know could easily write as good as some of the greatest authors of our times. Anemone Mamoru, Sora Amai, Ai Miyazawa, Tova Diablo, Mitsutaka Karaha, Hikari, Trever Valens... These are people I could read their topics for hours and feel immersed and feel the passion and emotion burning from every single word they write, just as much as I could from reading a book by Stephen King, Dean Koontz, or V.C Andrews. So to those who believe you are better then us just because you don't roleplay? For those who think we are nerds and lower people because we sit in-front of a computer and do 'fictional' things on a forum. Fuck. You.

Next, to those who believe that our Characters are nothing but 'items' a 'fictional person' whom you should not ever be effected by on an emotional level, or someone you believe that you could just throw away or 'delete'. Screw you. Its people like you that cause people like the ones mentioned above to be ridiculed and its people like you that cause roleplay to be taken unseriously. When I make a character I believe whole heatedly that the world I create around them should be treated as real as the world we are in right now. When making a relationship with a character, it shouldn't be treated as fake. Because to those characters, that you have sweated, bled, and got migraines over, and built the world around... to -them- those relationships are real. You build a world around these characters, they gain a form of 'life', they gain a form of 'life, they gain emotion, and through emotion they know things such as love, pain, happiness, sadness... They are a -person-.

Yes, I know they are fictional and there for not 'real', But to put it blunt, a character is a part of -you-. Not a big part, but I believe that if you take time to create a character from bottom to top you should give that character the right to -live-. In their -life-, in -their- existence that's all they have, without the right to live they are nothing more then words on a forum, words on paper. There is no passion, no caring, no love, the feeling is empty and to roleplay a character like that and be -satisfied- you are not a true roleplayer, you are a hollow insecure person who -thinks- that they're a roleplayer. Creating a character is no different then an author creating a character in a book. When an author creates a character they don't just half-ass it they put their passion and love into it to create a strong character that everyone can enjoy reading about, that everyone would remember. That is how we are with our characters, we make them and they are our -pride-, our -joy-. They are our creation, our emotions, They are our baby.

They shouldn't be something that is easily replaced, something that you can just throw away and happily make a new one. For people who do that I believe you are horrible, selfish, hollow, undeniably cruel people. Those were people you just killed, I do hope you feel happy for doing such a thing. I sure as hell frown down upon you for doing such a cruel thing. You are inconsiderate, and you in all honesty should be ashamed. If the world had more roleplayers and people like the ones I described above in previous paragraphs this world would be an amazing place, roleplaying would be ten times more fun then it is today, but its people like I just described this paragraph that ruin it for all of us. So, in closing, to me? Mai Yamasaki, Aizawa Mokuba, Reiko Mizuho are my characters, my children, people I put my blood sweat and tears into making. I feel their emotion, I feel their love, their pain, their feelings in a total, I care about them and love them as if they are real. Do they effect my everyday life? No they do not, and even if they did I do not think that I would care, I would love them all the same.

Post by Mai Yamasaki on Oct 11, 2011 22:56:00 GMT -5

Post by Demon Queen Hikari on Oct 17, 2011 16:39:00 GMT -5

I just wanted to reiterate how much I dislike Hakugin Otaku.

So I went into a Manga shop the other day to pick up a new manga that I have been following for quite some time (Damn site that I usually go to in order to read it stopped covering the raws.) and as I am sitting there browsing the 5 new volumes and and also picking up some other manga that I have wanted to read; up comes group of 5 people who are obviously American. (They were talking in english...) Well they spot me and approach me and start to talk to me. Well as you know I am not a fan of Otaku in general due to they tend to overly express their vast ineptness in the Japanese language and misconception of actual real Japanese culture.

So they ask me if I knew where such and such manga was and I point them to the section where they could find it and they hurry over to the section. Then it dawns on me as I watch them look at the section with blank eyes like deer's looking into a headlight... They don't read Japanese. So one of the girls come pouncing over, not walking but skip-bunny-hopping over to me. Mind you this girl has died pink hair in pig-tails wearing a Deathnote T-shirt and various other mainstream anime paraphernalia littering her garment... She asks me and obvious question... "Do you read Japanese." Well okay maybe it isn't obvious because she asked it, but eh I don't hold much stock in stupid Hakugin Otaku. So I know what they want and so I go over there and show them where to start looking and everything like that; then retreat to my own solace in the Romance Magical Girl section.

Well shit you not. 5 minutes later here comes the stupid pink haired girl again bouncing in my direction and asks me another few questions on where to find something else. Again I point to the area and then walk off with the intention of buying my arm full of Manga. As I get to the register and start purchasing my items; again the girl bounces towards me this time saying something in what I could only guess was her attempt as saying excuse me... (She said it anime style and thus sounded like a drunk retarded 5 year old.) Well she goes on and says something even more stupid than the first few questions... "Do you speak Japanese....?" As I am talking to the employee in guess what language??? Duh... French... Okay it was Japanese. Well I am pretty done with the conversation by now and ignore her and start walking out as she hails me yet a 4th time. This time asking if I know the area. I made a horrible decision and answered affirmatively. Then with a little anime-girl-esque squeel she asked if I wouldn't mind showing them around Akihabara.

What made it worse the employee, who obviously understood english (like 90% of all Japanese people... Lesson 1: If a Japanese person under the age of 30 says they don't speak english; they are probably trying to avoid having to talk with a Hakugin. Lesson 2: We are laughing at you the whole time.) He sad there with a shit eating grin.... Well I grabbed my bag on Manga and looked at the girl and said to her. "There is no way in God's green earth I will be caught associating with people who look like they just exited some damn American Anime convention." I also told them that they looked horrible and their manurisms were very offensive to we Japanese people. And of course I said some choice words about how absolutely ridiculous American Otaku are, but we love them anyways because they line we Japanese people's pockets with money... So we are fine with you as long as you remain Stupid and Rich. The employee almost fell out of his seat in laughter.

So the moral of the story is this: If you fall into the group of people I met inside this little manga shop in Akihabara; please rethink how you are acting and remember that being overly enthusiastic about something is overbearingly annoying and over all unappreciated. You also should probably rethink that you can learn Japanese by watching anime and correlate it with Fansubs. If you don't you will sound like a drunk retarded 5 year old Idiot if you do.

Post by Noaruji Amai on Oct 19, 2011 20:41:00 GMT -5

Okay, you all be nice to me. I'm going to reveal something a lot of people look down on, and it's not really my fault. It is, and I take responsibility and what not, but come on... It's a vent thread for a reason.

Alright. So, there's this girl. I thought she was wonderful [cliche, right? High School boy meets High School girl, infatuiation.... .... .... realization -_-) and nice and everything. We use to hang out every day. I've only really have known her since the middle uf August, so that's about two months. However, we have gotten really really close, I would say. We use to text all day every day until she went to bed or whatever, and we'd hang out in 4th period and go to lunch together. Then we started skipping lunch and staying in 4th period drama [which at that time was 5th period drama] because our teacher would let us. Marvelous and fun right? Yup! We like each other [or possibly liked...] and I, honestly, regretfully kinda sorta cheated on my girlfriend with her. I mean, I don't know what everyone's definition of cheating, but there was a period of like four or five days where we would kiss eachother. Nothing all gobble gobble tongue nasty. Just a peck on the lips. I do feel bad about it.

But I stopped, and she understood why. She knew I had a girlfriend, and we were all fien and dandy. However, as of... like sunday or whatever, she's been ignoring me. Completely. No replies on Facebook. No replied on texts... she avoids me, and now she doesn't sit with me at lunch or come with me to our 'second drama class'. I don't know what I did. It can't be the whole stopped kissing her thing, or the 'i have a girlfriend' thing, because she was cool with me stopping and she was cool with the fact I had a girlfriend. You don't just tell me your god damn secrets - you don't reveal to me your biggest secret that you cut and you want to kill yourself to just pretend like I don't mean anything to you. This is not so much a 'why don't you have feelings for me anymore' complaint as it is a 'what the fuck, what did I do? you're not even acting like a friend!'

Today at school I was in the worst mood. To be honest, I cried like eight times total just in school. In fourth period, be and my drama teacher got into a little fight because I wasn't doing those redundant drama exercises because they involved doing STUPID things with our faces. So he called me out. I didn't want to do it, so I wouldn't. It was so embarrassing feeling everyones penetrating eyes on me. I knew what they were thinking. I could feel it. I might as well could have heard it."What's wrong with Eric?""Why doesn't he just do it and quit being a little girl""What the fuck is his problem...?"so on and so forth. But i'm determined. I'm not going to do it. My drama teacher asks if I need to go sit. I tell him as flat as I could possibly muster, "yes". and I go and sit down as far away as I can from everybody. And the tears start flowing. She didn't even look at me a second time.

What? You think this is because i'm not getting the attention I want? No. Far from it. It means something when I have a so-called FUCKING FRIEND just ignoring me. I needed her. I needed someone to be honest. I had someone, I won't lie. My other friend was there for me. But when I find out my best friend has Sickle Cell and is going to die soon, on top of having relentless nightmares about those I love who are now dead, on top of stressful family life and financial problems, it all adds fucking up. I needed her. And when she wants to act openly rude to me - by averting her gaze when I try and sit by her at lunch - by trying to GET UP AND MOVE AWAY FROM ME LIKE I DID SOMETHING?!

I did nothing.Nothing you yourself weren't okay with.What else could I have done?Fuck it.I just want my damn friend!I've known you for two months - so what?Does that make this okay?It's bothering me, it really really is.You don't know how guilty I feel.Guilt for something I'm not sure I even did!I do feel guilt for the obvious things I've already done that are wrong.But it's not like they made any impact on you.So I know that can't be it.

WHY THEN! Why are you treating me like this? I need my friend. I need the person I've been going to with my problems for the past two months. But apparently you're not wanting to be there for me for whatever reason. Fair enough. It's not like I want to be involved in that kind of drama anyway. Why, then?Why is it hurting me so much?Why do I care...?I just wish I had the balls to show this message to you.Knowing you - which I've come to know you quite well in the past two months - you'd laugh and flip your blonde hair, pretend to be sorry.Then you'd go to McGuffie or Salem and Stainton and laugh about it.Share all the secrets.I don't have any evidence or proof. It just sounds like you.Especially with the way you've been acting lately...

I feel terrible for something I'm not even sure I did.Please - please if there is any God out there, allow things to go right?I've had one hell of a week. I know these are teenage problems.I just don't feel like I can deal with them much longer.They're all piling up.Fix things... please? :/

Post by Daimen Von Allen on Oct 20, 2011 1:45:00 GMT -5

I'm just going to bottle up what I feel and smile and nod. Help you though whatever.Cause that's what I'm good for right? That one did it. Look what happened? And that one also did it, she's gone nuts. And you are now.Because I actually care enough to fuck myself over just to be the teddy bear in the middle of the night.Some other to eventually take you.But yea me.The teddy bear filled with emotional stuffing, making me all the more perfect to comfort you and your tears.And yet, you don't realize what you just asked of me.Same thing that fucked me over from you. Is the same thing you ask to help you.And even now, I can't tell you this shit because my promise to be there and comfort you takes over my feelingsSo what now?Oh wait I know.A fate worse than being left from you foreverJust setting there taking in all your problems know that you are going to help her, soothe her no mater whatYa know why, because you love her.So you choose the fate, stuck helping her Knowing that you can't go to see another Because you cant soothe both,And you pick the one you love.Keeping yourself in that teddy bear, knowing she'll never truly pick you. You had your chance. But your fuck up is now used to help her

Hell really is your condemned sin, come back upon you.

And I still plan to come.Face to facewithout the teddy bear Not knowing if I can still play this role

But, sure I see you smile.Everything is fineI don't speak outMy stuffing intact as everYour presence fanning the hellish flames But I stand my ground, brave the flames burning the cotton stuffing deep and go on. And on and on

God damn I fell hard

During that entire timeDay in and day outI silently ask one question. "Why me?"From every other one who's sin was just as much their own fault.Why am I the one given the choice of thisRegardless of the answer, I still said yes.

Post by Mai Yamasaki on Oct 20, 2011 22:08:00 GMT -5

As anyone who has talked to me at an extensive amount of time would know, I am a gamer. So my rant today is on Video games, more precisely one major aspect of Video Gaming. Starting with the one that is freshest in my mind, an humiliating experience no more then about 10-15 minuets ago. So for the last few hours I've been playing gears of war 3 with my clan, Chapter Black, and we were all having a good time and enjoying ourselves playing a five on five member vs member fest for training, then a man named Mars, our Co-Leader of the group, declared that he'd randomly decided to face me and another player off against each other in a one on one, giving me little to no time to prepare, let alone be at my best after I was already tired beyond all shit because of how I was up late because of my friend Cody, who wanted me to play gears of war 3 with him. So I accepted of course, I figured it would all be good fun and it wasn't going to be any problem at all to just play, whether I won or lost.

Unfortunately, this was not the case. The moment the match had begun its countdown to start the match, someone asked Mars why he was throwing an experienced clan member against me, and Mars replied 'Its because their about the same level, and play a lot alike, unfortunately.' -UNFORTUNATELY-?! Really? I wanted to fuck his ass up so bad that he wouldn't be able to sit right or have kids for the rest of his fucking life. I let it go though, I figured alright this should be the only time he insults me, well again I was wrong. I didn't play very good due to exhaustion and being unprepared for the style of game-play I'd be playing. So of course I died constantly, granted I killed him a few times myself, but the entire time that we played the clan cheered on the other member, while every time I got a kill they continued fucking around with themselves, giving no support or anything to me. This pissed me off, then ontop of that, everytime I died they'd insult my skill, and say random shit that only pissed me off more, throwing off my concentration and making me feel inferior to them.

Is this how a Clan is supposed to be? I went through the trouble of initiation and learning all the tricks of the trade, becoming friends, or so I thought, with all the members and running with them constantly, just to be some fucking joke to them? A -laughing stock- if you will? No, fuck that. They seriously need to learn to treat their clansmates better, joking or not that shit is not cool. No clan should degrade their players for a form of self humor, this was truly my most humiliating moment in gaming and I really feel like I want to choke each and every one of the mother fuckers in that clan, except cody who supported me, and is even talking to me now telling me how I am better then they are, and how they deserve to be taken down, and how he'd train me to get better. THAT is how a clansmate should be, not jokingly, or so they say, degrading someone's skill and making them feel like shit in favor of your own personal humor, or perhaps if you do do that at least congratulate someone when they make a kill if their going to do the same for the other person. One sided shit is annoying.

So in closing, I want to give a few fuck yous to Chapter Black, and the players of the fucking Gears of War 3 playerbase. You all can suck my non existent fat cock for all I care at this fucking moment.