AHH, THE GOOD OL' DAYS

"I've had a lot of great memories. I remember my uncles gave me chewing tobacco for the first time when I was really young. We were fishing. This is a pretty good story. We went sunfishing, and on the way home, I said, 'I want to try it.' They said, 'Look, if we give it to you, you can't spit it out until you get home.' "It was like 30 minutes to my grandpa's farm. So of course, they give it to me and within five minutes, I'm outside the car throwing up all over the place. I don't think I've had much chewing tobacco since then."

-- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady recalls fond memories of his time in Minnesota, including his first experience with dip. (ProFootballTalk)

FOOTBALL GUYS CAN'T HANDLE THE REAL WORLD

"I had a morning last week where I had to drop the dogs off to get groomed, pick up a UPS package, make a stop at the pharmacist to pick up a prescription for my daughter and pick the dogs back up. I said 'I need to get back into coaching pretty quick. This is getting to be too much.'"

-- Former Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema is done with regular people things like going to the pharmacy. Someone hire him for the sake of the man's sanity. (Sports Illustrated)

NO SOUP FOR YOU

"I've called 3 Restaurants in Minneapolis to get a reservation for me and my teammates and 'can't' get in. Well played Minnesota fans, well played"

-- Philadelphia Eagles safety Chris Maragos and the rest of his teammates are having a tough time getting a reservation in Minnesota. The fans are seemingly still bitter after the Eagles eliminated the Vikings in the NFC Championship Game. (Chris Maragos/Twitter)

"Just tell them you want to make a reservation for Tom Brady with no explanation ... then arrive and say 'Hi I'm Tom.'"

HIS TEAM HAD A LOT OF TIME TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

"I said to Robert [Kraft], 'You didn't have to do the 28-3 in the ring.' It kind of pissed me off."

-- Atlanta Falcons owner Arthur Blank was not pleased with the fact that the Patriots' rings from Super Bowl LI had 283 diamonds encrusted in it, referencing the Falcons' 28-3 lead they blew that game. (ESPN/Twitter)

THIS WILL NEVER END, WILL IT?

"Why does everybody want me to retire so bad? I'm having fun. The team's doing well."

-- New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady opened his press conference with a question of his own: why does everyone want him to leave? (Dan Graziano/Twitter)

A GLOWING REVIEW?

"Oh my gosh. Just to watch him stand and throw the football. It looks like the prototype of how you want a quarterback to look. Can he hit the side of a barn? I don't know."

-- Washington Redskins linebacker Preston Smith throws his two cents in on the trade.

"It was a surprise. I was actually working out at my hotel room here in Minneapolis and when I finished the workout went over to my phone and saw the news. Every player looks forward to free agency. It looks like I'm going to be a free agent on March 14. I guess there are still some dates to check off, but it should be an exciting process."

-- Washington Redskins quarterback (for a few more weeks) Kirk Cousins confirming the team did not tell him that they were acquiring Smith to replace him, and he found out online like everyone else. Hey, did you know Washington is a poorly run organization? It's true. (Mike Jones/USA Today)

Not only did the contestants not answer any of the questions, they didn't even ring in to try. I've watched that show for years and that's the first time I've seen an entire category fail to elicit even a guess. And Roger Goodell thinks everybody is a football fan.

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