A wee-hours traffic stop led to a slew of charges against a Montgomery County woman yesterday.

Around 1 a.m.. Montgomery County Deputy J. Bergland was patrolling Newton Drive in New Caney when he spotted a car with an expired inspection sticker and partially obscured license plate. He pulled the car over and soon turned his attention to the passenger, 28-year-old Nicole Ileen Murphy of New Caney.

Bergland knew Murphy, who was not wearing a seat belt, as a repeat drug offender, and it was his view that right at that moment, she appeared to be tweaked out of her fucking gourd.

And he found nothing, but the search was just getting underway. Bergland evidently knew Murphy well, and so he just knew there had to be some crank around there somewhere.

The deputy ran Murphy in to the jailhouse for the seatbelt violation, and while being interviewed there, Murphy caved.

Yes, she did have some meth on her. Or rather in her, as in inside her vaginal cavity, from which it was thereupon voluntarily removed and surrendered to police. Presumably in a bag or other such form of conveyance...

Talk about ridin' dirty...

So now Murphy is in a real heap of shit. She is charged not just with first degree felony manufacture/delivery of a controlled substance, but also an added charge of bringing those drugs into a jail. Plus that pesky seatbelt violation that led to her undoing, which brings us to the moral of this story:

If you're gonna ride around east Montgomery County with crystal meth in your snatch, make sure you buckle up first.