Lauren's Answers to my Annoying Interview Questions:

Dear Rosalie,

I posted a photo of the door plate along with my face in the picture. I hope you enjoyed it, I am thee most photogenic person I know.
As for the interview questions:
1. My foot is a size 8 or 9, it always depends on the shoe. The actual length of my foot is 25 cm in length and no, I will not give you the measurement in inches because I am Canadian and I'm sure you can figure it out. (1 in=2.5 cm)

Will has been a bad, bad man.

He causes much trouble for The Sauce with all of his support and his many, many trade offers. Plus, he always thinks it is funny to add a bunch of "extras" to his trade packages. For this, he must be punished. So, this time his punishment is that he has to "ghost write" six stories for Tim & Victoria -- who are moving and don't have time to write six stories for The Sauce right now.

Tim and Victoria have a lot on their plate what with the moving to somewhere else and all.

I'm impatient though and want to get these items into The Sauce so I hired a ghost writer. His name is Will and he is actually being punished because he likes to send me all kinds of extra stuffs when he makes Sauce trades with me. I'll get hats and books and magazines and weird signs. Then, I have to deal with all that stuff.

Rhiannon's Story about Woman Feeding Horse:

I bought this at an art show in college for fifty dollars. It priced at $450.00. The artist was dating a friend of mine, so he sold to me for very cheap... probably less than the cost of the materials it took to create. The painting is mounted and ready to hang. It is of a chick with her boobies hanging out, I think she's knocked up. There is a church in the background.

So Lauri lost the Laffhole competition

But just barely.

I don't think she really wanted to haul this sculpture/doll thing back home again, so I traded her backstage. Okay, okay, I'm making it sound like I wasn't jumping up and down yelling, "Oh, come on! Trade me! Come on!" which I wasn't. At least not on the outside.

I gave Lauri the prized Barbie Monster Fish that I got from Ariane who lives in Wyoming and made a cardboard cutout of me. Lauri better take really good care of it. Or she'll have me to deal with.

A painting called "Mature Crush."

(or as I call it, "Hey, my eyes are up here...oh wait!") She has eyes on her boobs. It seems like that would be a waste of time unless you walked around naked all the time. Maybe once we started wearing clothes, the eyes on boobs gene was phased out because it no longer served any purpose.

Here's the story. Some details have been changed out of respect for the fact that I'm posting this personal story on the internet: