Hey dudes, so, it should be obvious to anyone that Republicans, and Donald Trump in particular hate the environment and want to poison you and your children. I know it’s true because “Republican” is Latin for “lovers of poisoned air”. He hates animals like polar bears, refugees, and sea lions. So, for those of us in the resistance movement, we have to fight back.

How do we fight back?, you might ask. Well, I’ll tell you. We fight back by loving the environment, because love trumps hate, man. Right? So here are a few ways you can show your undying love for Mother Gaia.

Recycling Food

Dumpsters are a great place to grab a bite to eat. People throw away the craziest things. Sure, some of it is molded and smelly, but it’s all good man. Just brush off the mold, and don’t think of it as “old”. Think of it as “aged”. Food that is aged is more refined than regular food. Aged food goes for top dollar usually, and you’re getting it for free!

Don’t stop with the dumpster, though, man. If you’re in a food court and you see someone about to dump their half-eaten sandwich, jump in and ask “aren’t you going to eat that!?” Then berate them about how disgusted you are with their wastefulness. Then take the food and indignantly walk away. Even if you aren’t hungry at the moment, you can save that food. If you save it long enough, it’ll be aged. Also, don’t worry about being rude to the person you get the food from. Those people are negative, and you don’t owe people like that an apology.

Rinse and Reuse your toilet paper

This seems like a no-brainer to me, but shockingly, a lot of people don’t do this. I know the toilet paper industry has a lot to do with convincing people that toilet paper is single-use only, but don’t be duped by their greedy, capitalist deception, man. You’re better than that. You can reuse your toilet paper 3+ times if you just rinse it out and let it dry.

So anyway, we should always be looking for ways we can fight back against the ant-environment types. They want us to conform, but we’ll show them. We’ll eat garbage, never bathe, and use our toilet paper time and time again!