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The Boss stands at a podium and says, "The 'Employee of the Year' Award goes to.. no one." The Boss' voice continues, "Thanks for coming. Better luck next year." Dilbert and Wally are walking out. Dilbert says, "It's not as bad as the time that you won it." Wally responds, "Jealousy is unattractive."

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Man: "I love golf. Golfing is fun. It's a good day to golf. Do you want to go golfing in the rain tomorrow at 6 A.M.?"
Wally: "No, thanks. I have plans to sandpaper my entire body and roll around in salt."
Man: "I hope no one ever creates a scoring system for that."

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Negotiating
My opening offer is...
Dilbert: Thank you, thank you, than you, we accept your offer!!
I haven t said an offer.
Dilbert: I mean we have lots of other offers that are better.
You're ruining everything.

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The Boss: I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career. \it only has to sound good and not fail until I geta better job.
How about a nanotechnology set cell for fighting terrorists?
Dilbert: O-O-OKay.

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The Boss sits at the conference table and says, "If you don't finish the project on time, I'll probably lose my job." Asok the Intern asks, "What would happen to us?" Dilbert answers, "We would get a better boss." Wally continues, "We might get a better project too!" Alice goes on, "There would be weeks of confusion with no work at all!" Everyone shouts, "YAY!!" Alice holds her hands close to her chest and says, "It's all ours if we simply do less work!" Alice says, "Whoo! I've never felt my morale go up before. I'm dizzy." The Boss looks at his paper and curses, "#$&#037;^$#!"

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Asok is packing boxes. He tells Dilbert, "I'm relocating to a better cubicle." Asok continues, "Tonight a team of movers will take my boxed possessions to an undisclosed location." Asok continues, "They're also going to laminate my company I.D." Asok continues, "I'm supposed to leave it with the guard on the way out." Asok holds up a check and says, "And I got paid two days early!" Asok continues, "It's all because management appreciated the constructive criticism I posted on the message board." Asok folds his arms proudly and says, "As I hoped, my condescending tone helped them to see their folly." Dilbert asks, "Do you mind if I rifle through your boxes and take office supplies?"

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Dilbert: Our vendors rep says they can't deliver the parts for three months.
The Boss: that just means he promised the parts to some other customer who did a better job of threatening him.
Dilbert: How about if I say we'll never buy from you gain?
vendor: Id say you're not exactly buying form us now.

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"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead."
"Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things."
"Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."