Shortly after my first love and I broke up in 2013, I wrote a letter to my younger self. At the time, I intended to bury it away somewhere to be forgotten, as it was just meant to be a private way to help myself heal. But every couple months or so, I’ve found myself pulling up the letter again on my computer, reading it over, adding to it, finding comfort in it.

In 2015, I learned about #DearMe, an empowerment campaign in honor of International Women’s Day that encouraged women to write a letter with advice to they needed to hear when they were younger. So, I pulled my letter out of hiding and put it out into the world. Now that International Women’s Day has come around in 2016, I feel it’s time to dust off my letter once again.

This letter will never be finished. Each year, as I grow older, I plan to read and reread, write and rewrite, hopefully building on what I want 15-year-old Emily to know. And while this letter is deeply personal to me, and I’m specifically sharing it for International Women’s Day, it is my hope that no matter what age you may be or how you identify, these words will resonate with you, reminding you that you are always enough and never alone.

Dear Me (15-year-old Emily),

I know how your eyes scan the room every time you go somewhere new, wondering if today will be the day your gaze settles upon a guy who just might accept you for who you are. I know how you lay awake at night envisioning what the future might be like, if only a guy could accept your disabled body. I know how you think that day will never come.

But the day will come when someone will accept you. He will tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world. He will tell you that you can trust him. He will tell you he loves you.

And he will be a wheelchair user too. I know that’s not an option you’ve been considering, but I promise when you open your mind to him, you will feel like he can relate to you in ways no one has ever understood you before.

Then he will leave you. He will break your heart and break your trust instead of breaking your fall. And it will hurt in ways you never imagined.

Don’t let him be the source of your self-worth. For that matter, don’t let anyone be the source of your self-worth. You’ll face rejection for being disabled and you’ll face rejection for being the girl you are. When you’re met with discrimination or a lack of acceptance, don’t just sit there and take it.

Learn to love yourself for all that you are. Gain strength that will be there to keep you going even when life shoots you down. That cannot come from outside you. It will only come from within.

I know these sound like words in the self-help books that made you roll your eyes and laugh as you pulled them from bookstore shelves. Quit laughing and start listening. It will save you a lot of pain in the years down the road.

Please, don’t give any of yourself away before you accept yourself. Learn to embrace your disability as another part of what makes you, you. Learn that just because you’ve got a body with scars and curves and a wheelchair attached to your butt, does not mean you’re not beautiful just as you are – your brain, your body, every part of you.

I won’t lie to you: Life as a disabled woman will continue challenging you to the core at times. Know that even in the hardest moments, you have so much to offer the world. Stop doubting yourself. More importantly, stop believing that you will only be validated and whole when someone looks at you with romance in his eyes.

Remember the pain of heartbreak is an experience not limited to the disabled world, nor is the joy of reaching your dreams. If there’s a day, a week, or a month when it feels like you just don’t fit and nothing is right and everything is wrong, know that you are far from alone in this world.

Focus on finding joy in who you are, on finding your way to a career path that will both fulfill your dreams and give you the opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives. Remember how capable you are, no matter what message society may send. When it feels like you’ve been left out of nondisabled life, never forget that your life is no less valid.

I promise write to you again in a few years as I work to gain self-worth, self-acceptance, and pride in being a disabled woman that I wish you’d fight harder for now. But in the mean time, hang in there. You’re going to become stronger than you thought possible, and you’re going to be alright.

If you’re a somewhat active Facebook user, I’d venture a guess that you’ve seen at least one article from a website called The Mighty in your newsfeed. With frequent click-bait headlines (recent example: “When Gym-Goers Said Inviting a Dwarf to a Party Would Be ‘Hilarious’”) and a steady stream of posts intended to play to emotional sides, The Mighty has become one of the most popular websites focused solely on disability and disease to make an impression on mainstream social media users. Unfortunately, there’s controversy flaring up around The Mighty right now that I just can’t ignore.

The Controversy

You can read about what sparked the firestorm in more detail if you’d like, but here’s the crux of the issue: The perspectives of contributors to the site are often at odds, largely due to an “us vs. them” mentality held by non-disabled parents of disabled children and the disability community. Many non-disabled parents use the Internet as a public forum to express their thoughts on disabilities and their experiences in relation to raising their children. Many disabled people (myself included) would like non-disabled parents to use more discretion regarding what they share. We would like the voices and viewpoints of non-disabled parents to not overshadow those of people who live every day in a disabled body. This is not applicable to all parent writers, as many truly take the time to listen to what the disability community has to say, actively connecting with and being part of the community. Other parents, however, feel that disabled activists are really just trying to censor or silence them.

Really, this is a tired tale that debate over The Mighty happens to have revived. Take, as just one example, what I wrote last year for the Huffington Post about the parents who didn’t see anything problematic with publicizing a photo of their 16-year-old disabled son wearing nothing but a diaper in a story for NPR. These parents wanted to share their stories as caregivers, and they were well-meaning, but there were so many other ways they could have addressed how they care for their son. They still could have provided an honest look at their lives while also respecting their son’s dignity.

This type of oversharing never sits well with me, but it doesn’t mean I believe parents don’t have a right to share their experiences. And if The Mighty wants to provide a platform for that, great. The problem, though, is that The Mighty constantly tries to be all things to all people, and it’s difficult to find a middle ground between the debaters. The Mighty has the potential to be a vehicle to increase understanding between parent and disabled communities and among society at large, but this can’t happen effectively when there’s a constant tug-of-war between people trying to do the educating.

One article paints disabled people as inspiring for simply living their lives (known as “inspiration porn” and here’s a TED talk by Stella Young about it that you should save to watch later); the next focuses on promoting genuine insight and acceptance. Another article shares the perspective of a non-disabled parent of a disabled child; the next is a piece written by someone who actually has a disability. Is it even possible to foster a peaceful coexistence between non-disabled parents of disabled children and disabled activists, all on one platform?

The Real Question

I’ve stayed quiet about this until now. (Full disclosure: I was invited via email to speak with the editors, as were many disabled writers, when the controversy first came to a head. I took a bit to answer, but they didn’t respond to my reply to set up a call.) I think The Mighty has its merits, and there are certainly gems within the content. In 2014, I had a couple posts republished on there, excited to contribute content to a growing site with a disability focus. (I’ve since asked to have them pulled. They responded to this request right away. Go figure.) On the flip side, I find some of what they post to be harmful, and they seem to be spiraling down a black hole of not handling the current controversy well, thereby alienating a number of their contributors. But to make The Mighty the focal point detracts from a larger conversation at hand. It just happens to be the current online space to raise the question: who should speak for the disability community?

I tackled this question about two years ago, in a post for Think Inclusive. I’m firmly committed to what I wrote.

“It can become problematic if parents or professionals are reluctant to relinquish their positions of authority and move to the role of advocate-allies, advocating alongside, instead of on behalf of, disabled people. Therefore, as important as it is to step up as advocates, it’s more important to know when to step down.”

We Should Be a Team. A Real One.

My parents instilled in me the value of speaking up for myself, but they’ve also been there every step of the way, handling things at various times through my life when I could not do so. They were my voice when I needed them, but they never claimed to be the experts on my experiences. They’re the experts on experiencing my life along with me. Semantics, you might say, but there’s a huge difference. Even so, I do find myself conflicted at times, because in many situations, I believe my parents – especially my mom – would have benefitted from stronger sources of community and camaraderie than what they had as I grew up.

Every time I recovered from surgery, every time I went to my parents with tears in my eyes because I’d been excluded from something because of my disability, every time I struggled to do something independently and got frustrated – my parents felt the pain, too. And of course, every time I’ve accomplished a goal or done something I didn’t believe to be possible – my parents felt the pride, too. My life deeply affects and intertwines with my parents at every turn. The role they played, and continue to play, in my life is something I value above all else. We always have been, and always will be, the Three Musketeers.

Like any child, though, as I got older, the situations I found myself in were often ones I wanted to keep to myself. Even when my parents needed an outlet, this is something they understood and respected. It’s also something that should be common sense. No child, disabled or not, deserves to have details of their lives plastered on the Internet by their caregivers. I believe it comes down to this: parents have a right to share, and children have a right to privacy. Can’t we meet in the middle?!

I don’t think it’s productive or necessary to ask parents to back down completely and stop sharing their experiences. I don’t want to alienate the parent community, just as I don’t want to feel alienated as someone who is disabled. But I can’t defend or support oversharing, overbearing parents. This doesn’t mean I’m asking anyone to censor the realities of disability, or that I’m denying the validity and importance of the caregiving experience. I’m asking for everyone to hear what disabled people are saying. Hear us if we ask you to consider how the ways you convey stories about disability may be hurtful or harmful. Hear us when we say that we want you to speak with us, not for us. Voicing your experiences cannot, and should not ever, be at the expense of the perspectives of the disability community, or the dignity of your child. We should all be in this together.

Before I got my driver’s license, I found myself worried that I wouldn’t be able to earn any money. Driving is just about the only option where I live to get from Point A to Point B, and without a means of reliable transportation, it’s nearly impossible to find work. Out of necessity, I decided to take a risk and start my own communications consulting business. Based on this experience, I’ve come to deeply respect and appreciate the people in the disability community who have an entrepreneurial spirit.

Last year, I decided I wanted to honor the incredible talent of entrepreneurs within the disability community. So, I put together a gift guide featuring products made and sold exclusively by entrepreneurs with disabilities. What better way is there to indulge my love of shopping than to celebrate disability-owned small businesses?! I had such a good time making my 2014 Holiday Gift Guide: Disability Edition that I’ve decided to make it an annual holiday tradition. I reached out to each business-owner individually for permission to share their work and their story.

If you’ve got some holiday shopping left to do, you are most definitely in the right place! Check out these products made by and for the disability community, and once you’ve finished looking through this year’s guide, you can save this simple 2015 Holiday Gift Guide: Disability Edition PDF that has all the shops from both my 2014 and 2015 guides with clickable links. Let’s get started!

Healing Boxes – Who doesn’t love getting care packages in the mail? Whether you want to share a pick-me-up with someone going through a tough time this holiday season, or just want to let someone know you’re thinking of their well-being, Healing Boxes are a perfect gift. Grace, the founder of Healing Boxes, is a lovely woman whose experience with chronic illness led her to become an incredible entrepreneur who empowers others. I think the Original Healing Box would make a heartfelt gift for any friend or family member, and there are also boxes for people in the hospital and people with Traumatic Brain Injury.

Organic Beauty Junkie– I am absolutely addicted to lip balm and lotion, so I knew right away that I wanted to include Maryann’s products in this list. Maryann knows firsthand that it can be difficult for people to find jobs if they’re disabled, so she started Organic Beauty Junkie with the goal of eventually hiring other disabled people to work with her. As she shared with me, “I decided to combine my love of all natural bath, body, and skincare and helping others.” And if that’s not awesome enough, all of the products Maryann sells are handmade, organic, and safe for sensitive skin. In addition to the Etsy shop, you can make purchases right from Organic Beauty Junkie’s website. I know I’ve definitely been eyeing the natural deodorant.

The Paper Poppy Store– If you like to wear your heart on your sleeve (or your motto on your jewelry), The Paper Poppy store has you covered. In 2012, Stacy opened The Paper Poppy Store with her husband After the onset of Stacy’s disability, she lost her job, and her husband needed to take on a bigger role as a caregiver. “The shop has been a great way for me to support myself while finishing school,” Stacy says, “without having to take a job that is beyond what I can physically and mentally handle.” All of the items sold in the shop are focused on self-love, body positivity, and disability acceptance. This hand-stamped “I Am Enough” pendant would be a perfect to wear as an everyday reminder.

Sightless Works– John Bramblitt is an interntionally renowned artist whose paintings are bold and breathtaking, perfect to be displayed as statement pieces. He is blind, but he learned to paint through a technique known as “‘haptic visualization, which enables him to ‘see’ his subjects through touch.” John is amazingly talented, and his paintings cover a vast range of subjects. Anyone who knows me won’t be surprised by the fact that I cannot stop looking at this Peacock painting.

Soulmade Goods – I love anything that’s pretty and kitschy, so all of the items Jessie makes and sells for her business put a huge smile on my face. Soulmade Goods opened in 2014 as a way for Jessie to work while also caring for herself after she was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, a form of Dysautonomia. She told me that there are big benefits to running her own business: “Creating is therapeutic for me. I can create my own schedule. I can work on good days and rest on bad days.” Jessie’s pieces are lovely, and I can’t get over how much I adore her beautiful Wood Burned Hearts.

SarahCate Creations – Sarah is a multi-talented activist and artist whose work is truly unique. She started out by pursuing photography, but when she got cancer in 2008, she used beading and jewelry-making as a way to keep away nausea from chemotherapy. Following her cancer treatment, Sarah was left with a chronic pain condition that inspires much of her current work in design and illustration. Sarah realized “there’s a big gap in terms of art available for and featuring folks with illnesses and disabilities,” and she very much enjoys “creating pieces that fill that gap.” I’m a big fan of her mobility-themed posters, and I think they would make a fantastic gift for people who are chronically ill or disabled.

The Hopeful Spoon – Brightly-colored, dangly jewelry tends to be my favorite, so I was excited to discover The Hopeful Spoon. Jessi, who experiences chronic pain, started her shop for two reasons: “it’s a mixture of being a total nerd for rocks and minerals, as well as desperately needing a creative outlet that I can do lying down.” Her pieces range from made-to-order to one-of-a-kind, and she is “also more than happy to work with people to come up with jewelry they will want to wear again and again, both for awareness and just for the sake of pretty jewelry.” I’ve most definitely got my eye on the geometric tibetan silver earrings.

BlindAlive Eyes-Free Fitness – Every year, I try to make a New Year’s Resolution to focus on exercise and fitness. While I’ve found several great resources for seated workouts that are accessible to me as a wheelchair user, workout videos are often not accessible to people who are blind or visually impaired. So, when BlindAlive reached out to me about audio workouts with detailed text and audio descriptions, I knew I wanted to share them! These would be wonderful for people with varied abilities to do together.

Little Folks Knitwear – How could I resist including something for the little ones in your life? Jacqueline, who has a chronic illness, designs knit clothing for babies aged 0-12 months. Although the shop is based in the U.K., items can be shipped to the U.S. as well. Everything in the shop is handmade and beyond adorable. Wouldn’t these little red joggers be just the cutest for a baby?

Mischief Museum – When I was little, I loved to get creative. I’d put on shows, making up the words my toys might say, keeping myself busy for hours. I know I would have been really excited to have a set of the handmade nesting puppets from the Mischief Museum shop as an alternative to my dolls. Anna, the shop owner, started her business as a personal occupational therapy program while taking some time off from her career as a lawyer to focus on her health. As Anna shared with me, “the business has been a great thing to invest my energy in as I heal – drawing new characters in particular is incredibly calming and meditative.” There are several fun character sets to choose from, but I absolutely cannot get over the puppets featuring famous female scientists, so I hope someone snatches them up!

Splendid Colors Laser Cut Designs – If bold, unique decor and jewelry is your thing, then you’ve got to check out Splendid Colors! Kathryn’s shop features items for a range of different style preferences, and I challenge you to choose just one thing you like. She discovered laser cutting in 2011 and “got hooked on making things that delight other people.” While I can’t get enough of her earrings, I wanted to highlight the awesome ornaments Kathryn makes because I think they’d work as year-round decorations. I’m loving the copper and gold steampunk snowflake ornament.

That’s a (gift)wrap for this year’s guide. Thank you to all the shop owners and to everyone who provided suggestions on shops to feature. Don’t forget, if you want a quick reference guide of all the shops I included in both my 2014 and 2015 gift guides, I’ve created a 2015 Holiday Gift Guide: Disability Edition PDF with clickable links.

What would you pick from this gift guide? Are you a disabled entrepreneur? Leave a comment and let us know!

The Fine Print: This post isn’t sponsored. I just picked products that make me happy! Please don’t republish any part of this gift guide in print or online. If you would like to share the gift guide via any other publication, please write a little blurb and include the link directly back to this post. You don’t have to let me know if you do this, but I’d love if you did so I can personally express my appreciation. Thank you and happy holidays!