I am an evil giraffe. But I'm trying, Nick. I'm trying REAL HARD to be the wizard.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Bruce Braley has a restraining order out on it.

Let me give you the executive summary of this story: Democrat Bruce Braley is running (increasingly in a flailing-type manner) for Senate in Iowa. He’s currently in the middle of a dispute with one of his neighbors because one of the latter’s chickens ended up at Braley’s vacation home at Holiday Lake, Iowa*. Which happens, and as it turns out Braley won that dispute: the chicken-owner (who uses them as part of her duties as a therapist**) was told by the Holiday Lake Housing Association to contain her chickens. So, problem solved, right?

On the other hand… they’ve certainly got a mechanism in place to get these things distributed, hey? – And it’s not like I disagree with the message, either. So… welcome to the 2012 race, brothers and sisters. Just keep in mind that we’re in Bat Country now.

“…the fly-infested carcasses found Monday were arranged in a 12- to 15-foot-long line pattern that ended in a circle.”

“Three chickens were left unharmed…”

“The birds were unsuitable for eating…”

OK, it’s that last one that actually gives the original crime a run for its money in the ‘creepy weird’ race. There’s just something about the implication that if the police had only gotten there more quickly this investigation would have ended with an impromptu barbecue…