Post by baza on Apr 25, 2017 5:50:20 GMT -5

Yeah.Gaslighting goes in both directions.

The gaslighter will try and convince you that some event that did happen in the past actually didn't happen.The gaslighter will try and convince you that some event that didn't happen in the past actually did happen.

Post by worksforme2 on Apr 25, 2017 6:29:20 GMT -5

gaslighting....the refusers use of a psychological ploy to convince the refused that what had occurred, was said or took place really never happened.

Would the opposite also fit this word or is there another word for when a refuser attempts to convince the refused that something happened which in reality did not? ie: "We have sex all the time and you are just exaggerating..." (After a two month dry spell)

I guess the 1st response that comes to mind is a current form of spinning the truth that is descriptively referred to as "alternative facts". The truth is reworked using an alternative perspective as to what the facts are. Understandable the truth takes a considerable beating during the process, as does the person trying to understand the why or what is happening in order to deal rationally with the reality of the situation and/or how they came to be where they are.This may be the worst of what manipulation can look like because it is designed to have one questioning one's own mind.

Post by Dan on Apr 25, 2017 13:17:30 GMT -5

gaslighting....the refusers use of a psychological ploy to convince the refused that what had occurred, was said or took place really never happened.

Would the opposite also fit this word or is there another word for when a refuser attempts to convince the refused that something happened which in reality did not? ie: "We have sex all the time and you are just exaggerating..." (After a two month dry spell)

Gaslighting is not simply lying. Example of lying: "No, I'm not spending our kids' college funds on gambling." (when it is not true).

Gaslighting is not simply being self-delusional. Example of self-delusion: "But we have sex ALL the time!" (when actually believed by the speaker but the last time was actually two months ago). I consider this a form of lying... it is just "self-lying"!

Gaslighting is when someone manipulates facts and emotions to make the target start doubting his or her own sanity, thereby becoming accepting of the gaslighter's "truths", worldview, and/or behaviors. It is more akin to "brainwashing" than "lying". It is hard to come up with a one sentence example! Maybe an exchange like this: (after wife finds suspicious receipts in her husband's pockets) "I know you are really stressed these days. You should probably talk to your psychiatrist about upping your meds, because you always get so agitated when I return from a business trip. Those are just receipts for the taxis I took when away. Now, we all know you get very stressed when I'm away; I usually help so much with the kids when I'm here, its understandable. Next time, I'll ask your sister to come stay with you, none of us want to see you so upset. Your mom worries about you, too, ever since... you know. Plus, you really need to think of the kids more, as it can't be good for them to see their mother so upset like this. Really, for shame. I love you so much, honey."

Post by shamwow on Jun 14, 2017 15:07:39 GMT -5

gaslighting....the refusers use of a psychological ploy to convince the refused that what had occurred, was said or took place really never happened.

Would the opposite also fit this word or is there another word for when a refuser attempts to convince the refused that something happened which in reality did not? ie: "We have sex all the time and you are just exaggerating..." (After a two month dry spell)

Or saying it's only been months when it's been years. Otherwise known as the "Gaslighting X-Games"

Sham's Law #1: Everything in life is simple. First you figure out what you want. Second, you figure out how to get it. Third you do it. The first step, unfortunately happens to be the hardest.

Post by workingonit on Oct 9, 2017 16:23:39 GMT -5

I've been doing a lot of reading over in ep. Most of my favorites are already listed (And Helen, I am still laughing about the definition of why-chasing. My kids are giving me funny looks) but y'all missed one:

College Plan - waiting until all your children are in college/out of the house to finally escape your "ILIASM shithole" TM - Bazar from ep has the copyright on this one, I'm pretty sure.

HOLY COW- now I know I am in the right place. I have been absolutely holding onto the college plan! SUCKS!

Post by greatcoastal on Oct 9, 2017 17:11:00 GMT -5

I've been doing a lot of reading over in ep. Most of my favorites are already listed (And Helen, I am still laughing about the definition of why-chasing. My kids are giving me funny looks) but y'all missed one:

College Plan - waiting until all your children are in college/out of the house to finally escape your "ILIASM shithole" TM - Bazar from ep has the copyright on this one, I'm pretty sure.

HOLY COW- now I know I am in the right place. I have been absolutely holding onto the college plan! SUCKS!

There where two thing pointed out to me that changed my thoughts about "the college plan".1) My Wife will dump me the moment the last child turns 18. That way she won't owe a penny for child support. (she has the larger income).

2) The two of us are setting a horrible example for our children of what a loving, intimate, respectful marriage should be. These kind of damaging, mental scars can easily be with them for life.

Post by workingonit on Oct 17, 2017 13:43:44 GMT -5

HOLY COW- now I know I am in the right place. I have been absolutely holding onto the college plan! SUCKS!

There where two thing pointed out to me that changed my thoughts about "the college plan".1) My Wife will dump me the moment the last child turns 18. That way she won't owe a penny for child support. (she has the larger income).

2) The two of us are setting a horrible example for our children of what a loving, intimate, respectful marriage should be. These kind of damaging, mental scars can easily be with them for life.

That made me change my "college plan".

Northstarmom also pointed out that it is actually easier on kids if you don't divorce when they first start college. It is lots of transition for them already. It made me rethink the college plan too. Also I want to have my kids be a part of redefining our family so they won't feel like their whole lives just dissolved. Has me retooling my whole exit strategy.

Post by greatcoastal on Oct 17, 2017 13:54:50 GMT -5

There where two thing pointed out to me that changed my thoughts about "the college plan".1) My Wife will dump me the moment the last child turns 18. That way she won't owe a penny for child support. (she has the larger income).

2) The two of us are setting a horrible example for our children of what a loving, intimate, respectful marriage should be. These kind of damaging, mental scars can easily be with them for life.

That made me change my "college plan".

Northstarmom also pointed out that it is actually easier on kids if you don't divorce when they first start college. It is lots of transition for them already. It made me rethink the college plan too. Also I want to have my kids be a part of redefining our family so they won't feel like their whole lives just dissolved. Has me retooling my whole exit strategy.

Good for you,and the family!! Just to add more to that, my therapist told me how today's 18 is now 22. That teens don't move out at 18 yrs. old. How more and more of them continue to live at home until they graduate college. Then add on top of that how many with college degrees can't find adequate employment. Now lets go one further. How many get married, have a child, and then get divorced. Where are they going to go? You guessed it! Back home with mom and dad.

My plan is " I have a 2 bd. rm. townhome. you can sleep on the couch for a few days." There is always the rental properties, but those are full with tenants and leases.

You can google and find articles about what affect divorced parents have on college students.

frednsa: i saw something on the wedding night (in the 60's) should have ended it during the honeymoon. i was played so perfectly. she is so wonderful in almost every other way, so...still wondering...thinking frigidity is a real thing and untreatableAug 29, 2019 12:07:04 GMT -5