Monday, June 18, 2012

The United States vs Roger Clemens - NOT GUILTY

NOT GUILTY

Roger Clemens gets win # 355

Mr. Clemens is found not guilty.

Where does that leave us?

Will there be rioting? Tough to say.

But one things for sure, now everyone in the United States believes Mr. Clemens didn't take performance enhancing drugs. Just like everyone knows that O.J. had nothing to do with his wife's death. Just like everyone knows that R. Kelly didn't relieve himself on a
young lady even though that video I saw looks exactly like him.

The court has spoken. Let that be the last of it. Isn't that the point of the judicial system? To have the chance to clear your name? So there, he's not guilty.

Now let's try to figure out why this all happened.

The congressional hearing all started over a book Jose Canseco wrote. I will repeat that because it's very important.

This entire governmental investigation started over a book written by Jose Canseco.

During the televised congressional hearing, Roger Clemens name gets mentioned. So Mr. Clemens, a guy who could throw a baseball fast, denied taking drugs that made him throw a baseball faster in front of congress, so they decided to teach him a lesson.

It's a stupid game. Politics as well as baseball. I can't justify the time I devote to baseball, but the United States Congress can? I'm a comedy writer, don't you have other stuff you could be doing? I know I do. I watch the news and it doesn't seem like things are going great for America right now but you have time to deal with a game Abner Doubleday might have invented?

They swallowed they dog to get the cat, they swallowed the cat to get the mouse, they swallowed the mouse to get the spider, they swallowed the spider to get the fly...

About Me

T. Sean Shannon is an Emmy award winning comedy writer, having written for SNL for 8 years as well as The Tonight Show. This is a blog about his unnatural interest in baseball. Sorry ladies, he's already married.