Whoever Allah
wishes to guide, He opens his heart to Islam.(Al-Qur'an, 6:125)

Sexual Etiquettes in Islam

Allah
Ta'Ala has given great rights to the husband and has attached a lot of
virtue to him. Pleasing the husband and keeping him happy is a great act
of 'ibadah and displeasing him or keeping him unhappy is a major sin.

Islam
is a complete way of life. Islam provides guidance and regulations
for even the private moments of a Muslim’s life. In the collective of
Ahadith and Seerah of Rasulullah (Sallallahualay-hi-wassallam) there
are numerous incidents and occasions when his companions came forward
and enquired from him about matters related to private life and it’s
problems. Even the womenfolk from his followers came forward and
enquired with regard to matters that are related to marital life and
it’s private issues. They did not feel ashamed or shy to learn the
truth, nor did our Rasulullah Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)feel ashamed
to expound the truth as the Quran Majeed says: “And Allah (Azza-wa-Jall)
does not feel ashamed of the Haqq.” [33/53]

It
is thus clear that there is nothing wrong in learning or discussing
matters related to marriage and sex for the sake of educating
ourselves Islamically. Today when the world is realizing the
importance of “sex education” in their crude and rude outlook, then
why should we as Muslims feel ashamed of reveling Islam’s decent and
refined teachings in this field?

Due
to constant exposure to pornographic material and other shameless
literature, many Muslims have overstepped the limits of Shariah in the
fulfillment of their sexual lusts and desires and thus brought upon
themselves the harms of this world and the next, particularly in the
form of certain deadly diseases, illnesses and infections. Many of
them are blissfully unaware that there are any Islamic injunctions in
this regard and due to sheer ignorance of Islamic regulations have
transgressed the Laws of Shariah, thus causing harm and injury not
only to themselves, but even to their partners and their yet unborn
off-spring as the pages ahead will reveal.

Thus
a need was felt to educate the Muslim public, particularly our younger
generation and especially those prospective young couples that are on
the threshold of entering into the sacred bond of nikah, in this
often-neglected aspect of Islam, in order that their health and
marital bond remain intact and protected from all harms and sorrow. It
is hoped that every couple and couple-to-be will benefit greatly from
this booklet. Insha-Allah.

Finally, a word regarding the material content of this book. The
contents of this book have been extracted from authentic sources as
the bibliography will reveal, Insha-Allah. The advices and
observations on this topic are the result of years of experience, deep
in sight and the spiritual foresight of our pious and wise elders,
predecessors and Ulema. To cast any aspersions on their words and
teachings would be tantamount to doubting their integrity and
erudition. None who claims to be a true Muslim has the right to such
presumptuousness. If the atheistic western scientists and their
worshippers find any of these teachings to be non conformant to their
“research and findings”, it is of no significance or concern to us.
The “ever changing nature” of own their theories is proof enough of
the flimsiness and uncertainty of their teachings, which are nothing
but conjectural pastimes as far as we are concerned. The mocking,
jeering and sneering of such people should be discarded with the
contempt it deserves. The teachings of our great luminaries is and
will always remain dear and precious to us. Insha-Allah.

May
Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) make their booklet a means of reward and savior
for this humble servant and make it a means of guidance and benefit to
His sincere and obedient servants. Aameen.

Etiquettes of the
First Night

In
the ideal Islamic situation, the husband and wife will most probably
be total strangers to each other, having no kind of personal contact
with each other previously due to the strict laws of hijab and pardah
in the Shariah,. Coupled with this feeling of strangeness are the
natural constraints of haya and modesty, that form an integral part of
Imaan. Under the particular circumstances it is quite natural that
both the husband and wife will be extremely bashful of each other and
under considerable strain and anxiety.

In order to “break the ice”, they firstly greet each other with the
traditional Islamic greetings of salaam. Thereafter the husband should
gently place his right hand on his bride’s forehead and recite

Translation:- “O Allah! I ask you of her goodness, the good within her
and the goodness upon which she was created. I seek Your protection
from her evil, the evil within her and the evil upon which she was
created”.

Thereafter, wudhu and two rakats of salatul-Hajah maybe offered as a
token of gratitude and thereby requesting assistance from Allah (Rabbul-Izzrat)
for a successful and blessed marriage, pious offspring etc.

Thereafter, they may read some Deeni literature to each other
particularly on the topic of Nikah, etc. In this regard Kitabun-Nikah,
Hayatul-Muslimeen, etc are excellent material to study. If time and
opportunity permits, this booklet should be read from cover to cover
once at least on the first night.

One
point of great importance that many newly wed, inexperienced men
overlook is the importance of extreme gentleness and tenderness on the
first night and during the first sexual encounter. Many are under the
false notion that gentleness is against “manliness” and the harm and
damage that is done to the relationship on the first night due to this
foolish notion, has it’s impact on the marriage for months and years
to come. During the initial stages of sexual union a virgin generally
undergoes considerable anxiety and pain, which results in fear. During
such a time the husband must take great care and consideration in his
movements and behaviour towards his bride.

One more
point of caution to the husband is never to harbour unnecessary
suspicions against the wife if for some reason it “appeared” that she
was not a virgin. This is a sin. It is forbidden to harbour
ill-thoughts about the next Muslim merely on the basis of such
conjectures. And worse still is to make her a target of abuse and
oppression on this ground. This is Zulm (oppression) and a major sin.
There are many reasons a girl could lose her “hymen”, the tissue of
virginity-reasons that could be substantiated medically such as heavy
flows during menstruation, illness, falling, jumping excessive,
horse-riding, certain sporting activities, ageing etc.

Intention for Sexual
Intercourse

Hazrat Ali (Radiallahu Anhum) is reported
to have said in his WASA (advices). He said, “At the time of sexual intercourse, the
following intentions should be made":

Protection against zina (adultery)

protection of the gaza from strange
women

Attainment of pious and upright progeny
who will serve Islam.

When
intercourse is enjoyed with the correct intentions, then not only is
an act of physical pleasure, but it also becomes an act of reward and
Sawab.

In
this regard the gist of a Hadith explains that even intercourse with
one’s wife is rewardable and regarded as Sadaqah. The Sahaba (Radiyallahu-Anhum)
were greatly astounded upon this-that here a man is gratifying his
sexual lusts and desires and yet he is being rewarded for it?
Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) explained to them that had
this man gratified himself in a haram manner he would be punished for
it, then why should he not be rewarded for satisfying himself in a
Halaal manner? He will certainly be rewarded.

At the time of
seeing an attractive woman

At
times, the gaze involuntarily falls upon an attractive woman, which
causes excitement of the passion. In such circumstances, what should
be done? The Hadith provides guidance.

“When women emerge outdoors, they appear in the form of shaitaan, thus
if any of you accidentally gaze at her and take fancy to her, he
should consort with his wife, for she has the same that the other
woman has.”

This
will cleanse the heart form evil intentions, ideas and thoughts. At
the same time, the fire of passion and desire that was kindled, will
be calmed and cooled in a lawful manner.

The
Psychological preparation for sexual intercourse is equally important
as intercourse itself. Anything that will cause distraction or
distaste should be avoided completely. This will turn the opposite
partner “off”, with detrimental consequences for the couple as well as
their marriage.

Amongst
the factors that are a major “turn-off” is dirt, filth, bad, odours
and uncivilized behaviour. Particularly a bad odour from the mouth or
body is very unpleasant and the habit of smoking can kill passion and
desire for the opposite partner altogether. It is of extreme
importance that the mouth be clean, especially with smokers, who
should take extra precaution in this regard.

It is part
of the beautiful habit of our pure and honourable Master,
Rasulullah (Sallallahnu-Alayhi-Wasallam), that the used to apply
itr (scent) and that he used to perform the miswaak (cleansing of the
mouth and teeth) before intercourse. Even in such Minute and
apparently insignificant matters, he showed us the path to success and
bliss. It will indeed be unfortunate if we do not appreciate and
practice his teachings and habits, i.e. the Sunnah.

Ibne-Jauzi
(Rahimahumullah) states in "Saidul Khatir” that the
couple should should fix a certain part of the day or night for
intercourse in order that both of them prepare physically and
psychologically for time. This will increase and heighten their
pleasure. Furthermore, it will eliminate the possibility of any one of
them being in an undesirable or unprepared state of mind or body.

It is for
this reason that one learned scholar states that a man should inform
his wife of his intentions to have sexual relations from the morning
in order that both be prepared fully at the appropriate time.

It us for
this very reason that Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alay-hi-Wasallah)
and the Sahaba-Kiram (Radiyallahu-Anhum) would not enter their
homes during the night after returning from along journey. Rather,
they would enter only in the morning. The ideal was to give the
womenfolk sufficient time to prepare themselves for their husbands. In
the words of Rasullallah (Sallallahu-Alay-hi-hi-Wasallah):

In order
that the unkempt, disheveled women comb their hair and the unprepared
ones shave (shaving of pubes, underarms, etc)” [Mishkaat]

There can
be no greater turn-off to a returning husband than to find his wife in
an unkempt, untidy condition. It is therefore necessary that he
announce his imminent arrival either by way of letter, telephone or a
messenger, in order that his wife prepare herself for his arrival.

Islam’s emphasis on cleanliness is a known fact to even little
children of good Muslims homes cleanliness is half of Faith (Iman one
hadith teaches us).

At
the time of sexual intercourse, this aspect of Islam becomes even more
emphatic. Physical cleanliness enhances spiritual purity. Both
the partners should preferably be in the state of wuzu.

As
mentioned previously under the section on Preparation
for Intercourse,
the mouth should be cleansed thoroughly with miswaak or a brush at
least. There cannot be a worse turn-off than bad breath and pungent
odours. Those habituated to smoking should take extra precautions in
this regard. The importance of this can be gauged from the masala of
Shariah with regard to a person who has eaten onions or garlic
entering the masjid. The Fuqaha (Rahimahumullah) (Jurists) have ruled
that it is Prohibited for such a person to enter the majid! Reason:
Because it is a cause of Takleef (discomfort) to the fellow-musallis.
How important would it then be for husband and wife, who are
constantly in each other proximity to maintain proper oral hygiene and
not to cause abhorrence to each other by neglecting this important
aspect of Taharah and cleanliness! Such neglect could be the cause of
serious detriment to the marriage. It is such seemingly
“insignificant” matters that become the root to broken homes and other
marital discord.

It is also
useful to apply it or scent as was the sunnah of our honourable Master
Rasulullah (Sallahllahu-Alayhi-Wasallah). This will cause mutual
attraction.

The
importance of a correct intention has been adequately stressed in the
section on Intention of Sexual Intercourse.
To attain rewards for this act, a proper niyyah (intention) should
always be formulated. One saintly person says with regard to himself that he once kissed his
wife without making the proper intention (i.e. to please
ALLAH (Azza-wa-Jall) that He had made Halaal). As a result of this, he
states that he suffered a setback of one full year in his spiritual
progress. This sufficiently expresses the importance of correct
intentions in all actions, at all times.

Fore play is a vital element of a happy and successful martial life.
It should never be neglected. It is absolutely vital that a man arouse
his wife sexually via foreplay before indulging in sexual intercourse.
It is indeed callous and selfish that he fulfils his desires like an
animal while his wife experiences no sensation whatsoever. This is
extremely demoralizing for the women and has terrible consequences for
the couple and their marriage.
Therefore every couple should take the trouble of exploring those
regions of each other’s anatomy that will arouse their desires and
heighten their pleasure. These areas are known as the “erogenous
zones”. They vary from person to person but are generally concentrated
in the upper body are and the below the naval, if stroked tenderly,
cause the sexual desires to rise and passions to be kindled.

Even
in this regard we find the beautiful teaching of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
a guidance for us; that in very subtle manner he impressed upon his
companions (Radiyallahu-Anhum) importance and necessity of foreplay
with the wife. For example:-

It
is narrated in the Ahadith that once Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
came to know that Hazrat Jabir “(Radiyallhu-Anhum) had married a
widow. He said: “Why did you not marry a virgin whom you could play
with and Who would play with you?” [Bukhari, Muslim]

This is a subtle indication towards love play or foreplay between the
couple.
Furthermore, the importance of expressing love and feelings towards
each other can be learned from the Ahadith of
Rasulullah(Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that go to this effect that
when a husband or wife gaze at each other with love and affection,
Allah (Azza-wa-Jall) gazes at them with mercy and kindness. When the
husband and wife hold each others hands with love and affection, Allah
Ta’ala forgives their sins.
If the wife is breast-feeding, caution should be observed that no milk
enters the throat during the course of loveplay. It is
Makroohe-Tahrimi for the husband to drink the milk of his wife. If any
person, out of ignorance has transgressed this regulation of the
Shariah, the only form of expiation is a sincere taubah and repetance.
However, this does not affect the bond of nikah as is the
misconception of many people.

For
the protection from shaitaan and other harms, it is important to
recite the Masnoon Duas at the time of intercourse. In this way the
couple and their progeny will be protected from much harm.
The respective duas for this occasion are as follows:-

At the
time of commencing with Intercourse:-[Translation]
“In the name of Allah, O Allah! Save us from Shaitaan and prevent
shaitaan from that which you grant us”.

At the
time of ejaculation:-[Translation] “O Allah! Do not grant shaitaan any share of that which you have
granted me”. (Note:- At the time of ejaculation, the dua should be recited in the
mind only, not verbally. Moreover, both husband and wife should recite the dua.

It
is reported that if a person does not recite these duas, Shaitaan
participates with him in the act of coitus and derives pleasure from
his wife.
Not reciting the dua is also a cause for rebellious and disobedient
progeny as is observe in our times. Shah Abdul-Haq Dehlawi (Rahimahumullah)
states in this regard: “If a prayer like this is not made at the time
of coitus and only the sexual urge is fulfilled like the animals; the
child that is born out of such a union will not be saved from the evil
influence of Shaitaan. This is one of the main reasons that the morals
of the present generation are not good.” [Rifaatul Muslimeen]

Another point of significance is the importance of Zikr in the life of
a Mumin (Believer). Unlike other religious, Islam regards even mudane
activities as acts of worship (Ibadah) and obedience (Ta’aat) if
carried out under the regulations of Shariah, with the correct
intention and with the Zikr of Allah (Azza-wa-Jall). Thus what would
normally be a debased act in other religions, is a noble act of
worship and obedience that is rewardable in Islam.

These duas serve to develop Allah-consciousness and piety in a Muslim.
It is highly imperative that every couple endeavour to learn, memorise
and recite these duas at the appropriate time. A little effort and
sacrifice of time is required, but the returns are enormous and
far-reaching.

It
is important that cohabitation take place at the correct times in
order to ensure good health for the couple as well as their
child-to-be, Allah willing.

The
act of intercourse should ideally take place when there is a state of
relaxation and temperamental balance in both husband and wife. Any
form of tension or pressure in the form of hunger, thirst, anger,
depression- illness, etc. will dampen the pleasure.

Faqih Abdul-Laith Samarqandi (Rahimahumullah) writes in his book
Bustan that the correct time for intercourse is the latter part of the
night because the stomach is full during the early part of the night
and intercourse is undesirable on a full stomach. It is thus clear
that intercourse is undesirable in the early hours of the night. The
same has been recorded in Tibb-e-Nabwi.

The
author of IHYA observes that it is Makrooh to have sexual relations in
the earlier part of the night because the possibility of spending the
rest of the night in the state of Janabat (Ritual uncleanliness).
Hazrat Aisha (Radiyallahu-Anhum) reports that it was the noble habit
of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that after completing the
witr Salah at the end of the night, he would consort with his wife if
he is desire. If not, he would lay down on the musalla (prayer rug)
until Hazrat Bilal (Radiyallahu-Anhum) would call out the Azaan for
the Fajr Salah (Morning prayer).

It should be noted that the prohibition of sexual intercourse in the
earlier part of the night is merely from a medical and health point of
view. It is not a ruling of the Shariah. It is reported that
Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) cohabited at various times of
the day and night. [shamial, Tirmizi]

For
those that find it inconvenient to wait for the end of the night (for
whatever reason), a practical solution is to have a light meal early
in the evening, perhaps before Maghrib. In this way the Stomach will
not be full at the time of cohabitation in the earlier part of the
night. It
is the experience of wise men that the result of sexual intercourse on
a full-stomach is a dull, backward child. Furthermore, it is even
harmful to the health of the male.

As much as
it is important to observe the correct times, it is also important to
observe the preferable times for intercourse to attain maximum
benefit, especially for the child-to-be.
Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) observes in WSAYA: “The result of
conception as a result of copulation;

On Monday night, is a child that will be a Qari;

On Tuesday, a generous, big-hearted child;

On Thursday, an upright, Allah-fearing Aalim or a wise, sagacious
child;

On Friday before Juma, a child born with luck and fortune who will
attain martyrdom at death;

The
human body takes on three postures most naturally; i.e. standing,
sitting (or squatting) and laying down. As far as the positions of
sexual intercourse are concerned, Islam has granted general permission
provided that no unnatural act such as anal sex is performed. However from medical point of view, sex in the standing position is
undesirable (a complete chapter on this issue further ahead)

Thus
two postures remain; the sitting or squatting posture and the sleeping
posture. In this regard, there are certain subtle indications in the
Quran and Hadith.
For example, in one verse of the Quran, Allah Ta’ala states:-

“It is He who created you from a single person, and made his mate
thereof, in order that he may take comfort in her. Then when he
covered her, she bore a light burden….”[7/189]

This is when a women lies in the supine position; while the man’s body
lies over her in manner that he covers her body with his.
In the Hadith explaining the manner of ghusal (bath), the following method of
sexual union is alluded to:

“….When any of you sits between the four portions of a woman and then
exerts himself upon her…..”

There is a difference of opinion as far as the interpretation of
“four portions of a woman” is concerned. This seems to refer to the
position in which a woman lifts her knees and the man enters her in a
sitting/squatting posture, in which instance her thighs and calfs form
the “four portions”. And Allah knows best.

Furthermore, any other posture or position, husband and wife desire to
choose, is quite in order. Once Hazrat Umar (Radiyallahu-Anhum) had
intercourse with his wife through rear entry (not anal entry). Later
he was overtaken by the thought that perhaps he had committed an
undesirable act. Immediately he rushed off to Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Aalyhi-Wasallam)
calling out: “I have destroyed, I have been destroyed….! “He was asked
what was the matter, to which he recounted his fear of having
committed an undesirable act. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alayhi-Wasallam)
remained silent, giving no answer. Some time later, these verses of
the Quran were revealed:

Thereafter Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) explained the
purport of this verse: that intercourse is permissible in any
position, from front or rear, so long as anal sex does not place, for
that is haram. The example of the Quran for women is that of a farm;
which can be approached from any direction, provided the seeds are
planted only in the farm and not elsewhere! Similarly any method of
approach is permissible, whether husband is on the wife or vice-versa,
or whether they are on their sides or from the rear, whether sleeping
flat or whether squatting, all positions are permissible, so long as
his “seeds” are planted in the “farm” and not else where.

There was a false notion; a baseless superstition that the Jews of
Madina entertained as far as rear entry was concerned. According to
them, the child born out of such union would be squint eyed. Some
Muslims were misled by this myth of the Jews. When the above-mentioned
were verse of the Quran was revealed, all such false conceptions were
shattered and demolished for once and all.

Almost as important as foreplay and the actual act of intercourse, is
the termination and conclusion of the act of copulation, which could
be termed as “after play”. Many times, it happens that the husband
reaches climax earlier than the wife (some women attain climax after
quite a while). In such a case the husband should remain in her until
she achieves climax and satisfaction. This is absolutely vital and
essential for the satisfaction of the wife. Disengaging before the
wife achieves climax is cruel and selfish and breeds animosity and
contempt in the wife’s heart for her husband.

Furthermore, disengaging immediately after sexual union often gives
the woman an impression that the man is only interested in her to
gratify his lust and is merely “using” her. This is bound to affect
martial harmony.

Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) says in this regard:

“Await the completion (climax) of the wife before disengaging,
otherwise she will become your enemy.” [Rifaat-ul-Muslimeen]

Just
as important as cleanliness in before cohabitation, so is it’s
importance thereafter. In this regard, a few important guidelines, if
practiced diligently, would not only entail cleanliness and purity but
also ensure good health and saviour from many disease and illnesses.
The author of Shurat-ul-Islam states that the male and female should
form the habit of passing water after intercourse, else they will fall
victim to an incurable and fatal disease.
The reason and explanation of the above statement in the books of
“Tibb” (Islamic Medical Sciences) is that at times a drop or few of
semen remains within the canal, which leads too certain ailments. By
urination, the canal is cleared of all such drops. A statement of a
similar nature is reported from Hazrat Ali (RA).

Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi (Rahimahumullah) states that after
intercourse, the sexual organs should be washed clean as this will
ensure good health. However, immediately after copulation, the male
should not wash with cold water as this could result in fever. Either
Warm water should be used or after an interval, when the body
temperature has returned to equilibrium, even cold water could be
used. Further more, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) taught the
Sahaba that they should wash themselves after cohabitation otherwise
they might contract a disease that may be difficult to cure.

Immediately after copulation, no liquid should be consumed. This
results in the illness of short breath. Therefore copulation should be
avoided on a full-stomach. This causes dryness (Khushki) with in the
body and results in thirst, whence liquids cannot be resisted, the
harm of which has just been explained above.
Thereafter, both husband and wife should wipe themselves dry with a
separate cloth. Wiping with the same cloth results in marital conflict
and discord [Rifaat-ul-Muslimeen] on the authority of Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum).

A
very shameless trend has emerged nowadays where members of both the
sex narrate the details of their sexual encounters to friends and
associates. This goes totally contrary to the dictates of Haya and
modesty; the outstanding branch of Iman. Such action should be shunned
totally. This also gives others an opportunity to meddle in the
private affairs of the couple. This is an extremely sinful and
detestable act in the sight of Allah.

“Amongst the worst of people in Allah’s sight on the day on Qiyamah is
that husband who indulges in privacy with his wife and then reveals
her to others” [Muslim]

If
the couple wish to engage in sexual intercourse more than once then it
is best that they take a bath before the second coitus. If not, then
at least to perform wudhu. If not they should at least wash their
genitals clean. It
is the experience of the elders that a person who re-engages in sexual
intercourse without doing any of the above, the resultant off-spring
will be mentally-retarded or will be niggardly in nature.

The
author of Ihya emphasizes that the least every couple should do before
re-engaging in sexual intercourse is to pass water and wash their
genitals clean without this they should not indulge in sex. The result
will be harmful and detrimental to them.

Total nudity during coition has been prohibited in Islam. Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
has disliked such an action to that of asses cohabiting in public. The
progeny of such a couple will certainly turn out to be shameless and
immoral.

During intercourse, precautions should be taken that the Qiblah is not
faced. This is regarded as an act of disrespect (be-adabi) and should
therefore be avoided as far as possible.
Similarly, facing the feet in the direction of Qiblah, during
intercourse or any other time is an undesirable practice. This should
always be borne in mind.

The
various permissible positions have been discussed already under
Permissible Positions. The standing posture, although
permissible, is undesirable for intercourse due to health reasons.

The
author of Tibb-e-Nabwi writes that coitus in the standing posture
causes the body to become weak. It also causes harm to the nerves and
veins. He further writes that coitus on a full-stomach results in
dim-witted, dull-minded progeny. Coitus in the standing position also causes the condition of Ra’sha
(perpetual Tremor). This is probably due to damage of the nerves and
nervous-system.

It
is undesirable to talk excessively during intercourse. Talk should be
limited to bare necessity. Islam advocates dignity even at such
occasions. Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi writes in his book Bustan that
excessive speech during coitus could be the cause of dumbness in the
off-spring to be. This habit should be shunned.

It
is undesirable for both the partners to look at each others genitals.
The author of Shurat-ul-Islam writes that looking (habitually) at the
private parts of the woman could result in blind off-spring.

Although it is permissible for the husband and wife to look at every
part of each others’ anatomy, it is an undesirable act from the moral
point of view. Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) never looked at
Hazrat Aisha (Radiyallahnu-Anhum), nor did she look at him (at the
private area). Many
of the Ulema are of the opinion that looking at the wife’s genitals
causes the eye-sight to weaken.

Islam promotes a life of balance and equilibrium. There is no place
for extremes in any facets of life. This spirit of moderation
permeates every teaching of Islam. Thus even in the issue of sexual
relations, moderation would be the ideal recourse from the Islamic
point of view.

In
this regard, the learned elders advice that the stimulus towards
sexual desire should be analyzed and scrutinized carefully. If the
stimulus is found to be related to an external source such as the
sight of an attractive, shapely woman, sexually inciting
conversations, pornographic material, etc; then this to be regarded as
a false stimulus and should be ignored. This is a case of “artificial”
desire. On the other hand, if the stimulus is internal, the passion
and desire growing from within, then it should be regarded as a case
of genuine desire and hence to be satisfied. A feeling of
gratification, fulfillment, satisfaction and serenity will be the
result of such a union. Where as coition due to a false stimulus will
cause weakness, restlessness and even physical damage to the human
body.

Faqih Abul-Laith Samarqandi (Rahimahumullah) reports from Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum)
in his Bustan that the person that desires to maintain his good health
for many years to come should:

Eat in the mornings and evenings only

Abstain from taking loans and debts (as these will cause him much
anxiety and worries)

Desist from walking around bare-footed.

Reduce sexual intercourse to bare minimum.

Excessive sexual intercourse results in the condition of premature
ejaculation arising, which in turn is the root to man physical,
psychological and marital frustrations for both the husband and wife,
with far—reaching repercussions. It should be avoided at all costs for
a happy and stable marriage.

In
the previous chapter, the importance of moderation and the harms of
excessive sexual intercourse have been highlighted. The question
arises as to what could be termed as moderation and how often should
sexual intercourse take place in the ideal marriage?

It
is difficult to pronounce a hard and fast rule as far as this question
is concerned. The answer will vary from individual to individual,
keeping in mind the need of both husband and wife. However a general
guideline in this regard should serve as a source of guidance.

According to scholars once a week is acceptable and falls within the
ambit of moderation.

Hakeem Jalinoos was once asked by someone how often should a person
engage in sexual intercourse. He replied: Once in a lifetime. When he
was asked again, he replied: Once every year. Once more he was asked.
He replied: Once a month. He was asked for a final time. He replied:
Once a week and a person that goes beyond this doesn’t deserve to be
counted amongst the living! (indicating there by that he would be
better off dead than alive due to the illnesses and weakness that
would make his life miserable).

Hakeem Jalinoos was asked: What is true desire? He replied. When a
person cannot differentiate between sky and earth, that is true
desire! In other words, the desire and urge is very strong and
vehement…

Even
in the Ahadith there is a subtle indication where regarding Jumma the
words: “Ghasala wa Ghassala” are used; indicating that where a
person takes a bath himself on Fridays, he causes his partner also to
take a bath (due to coitus). And Jumma comes once every week, hence
coitus ought to take place once a week. And Allah knows best.

The
author of Ihya states,"It is Makrooh to indulge in sex during three nights of each month; the
first, the last and fifteenth. It is said that Shaitaan is on the
prowl on these nights. The undesirability of sex on these nights is
narrated from Hazrat Ali, Hazrat Mulawiya and Hazrat Abu Huraiah (Radiyallahu-Anhum).

The author of
Rifaat-ul-Muslimeen states that in addition to the above;
Wednesday nights and the nights of the two Eids must also be avoided.
Also the night where after a person intends to go on a journey on the
next day should be avoided. Intercourse on these nights may have an
undesirable effect on the off-spring.

It is reported in
Tibb-e-Nabwi that Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
advised Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) not to cohabit on the fifteenth
night as the shayateen appear in large number on this night.
In a footnote of Shamail-Tirmizi it is stated that if the child is
conceived during salah times (When the salah is neglected), the result
will be a disobedient child.

Due
to the corrupt and immoral environment most people are living in these
days, exposure to all kinds of shameless filth in the form of videos,
TV, films, plays, newspapers, magazines and even telephone lines
has become a common trend.

Hence many men and women indulge in fantasizing about others during
sexual intercourse with their own partners. This is totally haram and
a grave sin in Islam. It resembles zina and could veritably be termed
the zina of the heart or mind!

This
point is clearly verified from a Hadith of Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
that reads:”

To gaze at a strange (ghair mahram) woman is zina
(adultery) of the eyes,

To
listen to passion stirring words is zina of the ears,

To converse with a strange woman (and derive pleasure there from) is
zina of the tongue,

To touch a strange women is zina of the hands,

To walk towards her is zina of the feet,

The heart
desires and craves (fantasizing);

The sexual
organ then either testifies to these or denies them”. [Muslim]

Just
as sex is prohibited during menstruation, anal sex, even though with
one’s own partner is strictly prohibited in the Shariah. This
abominable deed has been denounced very emphatically by Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam)
in various Ahadith.

“The
person that has anal sex, Allah (Rabbul-Izzat) will not look
at him with mercy on the day of Qiyamah.” [Hadith]

“The
person that has anal sex with his wife is Mal’oon (accursed)” [Abu
Da'ud]

Imam
Ghazzali (Rahimahumullah) writes in Ihya that anal sex is even worse
than sex during menstruation because this filthy act causes undue pain
and difficulty to the woman.

Even
the male could become victim to various diseases and illnesses, some
of them fatal and extremely deadly. Today, medical research has
discovered that the greatest risk factor of contracting AIDS- the
killer disease of the century-is anal sex; with or without protection!
May we be sacrificed upon Allah and his Rasul for protecting our lives
and health by strictly prohibiting us from this inhuman act.

The
Quran has emphatically prohibited sexual intercourse during
menstruation:

“Abstain (sexually) from women during menstruation” [2/222]

Allah (Rabbul-Izzat), the Creator of man, knows best what is
beneficial and what is harmful to man. All objects of harm have been
forbidden for man because they will cause him difficulty and hardship.
Sexual intercourse during menstruation falls into this category.

Today, many centuries later, medical science has discovered that the
flow of menstruation contains certain toxic matters that could be
detrimental if they gain entry into the body of the male or is
prevented a clear passage of flow from the body of the female-both of
which could easily occur if sexual intercourse takes place during
intercourse. It would thus pose a potential threat to both husband and
wife. This very act is a major contributing factor towards very
painful and often fatal venereal diseases. In fact, it’s effect is
passed on even to the fetus.

Premature ejaculation is a sexual problem that could adversely affect
the marriage. In premature ejaculation, semen is discharged
immediately or very shortly after the commencement of sexual
activity within 30 to 60 seconds, whereas the normal period ought to
be 2 to 3 minutes.

Due
to this condition, the woman remains sexually unsatisfied and this
could lead to a problematic marital relationship. Furthermore, it is
also a cause of not being able to have children. These have serious
implications on the marriage and thus this situation needs to be
remedied as swiftly as possible.
There are two fundamental causes to this problematic condition:

Thinness of semen

Weakness of nerves in the private organ; both these conditions can
be remedied with suitable and authentic medical treatment.

As
for as thinness of semen is concerned, certain suitable foods and
vitamins (coming below) should ease the problem. Also excessive sex
should most definitely be avoided as this will cause thinness of the
semen and weaken the nerves of the private organ which are the primary
causes of premature ejaculation and eventually, sexual impotency.

According to Hakeem Razi excessive sex will cause:

Young men to become old.

Old men to “Sleep” forever (i.e. death)

Healthy men to become weak and sick

Weak and Sick men to perish;

Therefore, until a strong, genuine, and persistent urge to indulge in
sexual intercourse does not exist, it should be avoided at all costs.

The
level of sexual potency varies from nation to nation, individual to
individual. There are numerous factors that are influential in this
regard. Even geographical and climatic conditions play their role.
People of hot and humid areas such as the Arabs tend to have a higher
drive than those from cold, wet areas. Some men are extremely virile
while others have low libido. The same applies to women. However, on
an overall basis, women have a considerably a lower sexual urge than
men.

In
certain instances when the woman has a higher sexual drive than a man,
certain marital and health problems could arise. If this state of
affairs is not remedied soon enough, the woman begins to despise and
ridicule her husband and may even begin to flirt and incline towards
other men, Allah forbid! The man should therefore utilize foods and
vitamins that will enhance his flagging libido and hence improve his
sexual life. In this way, the marriage will be saved from many
calamities.

Our
food and diet plays the central role in sexual potency or impotency.
Food is digested and converted into healthy or unhealthy blood. This
blood then is converted into semen, the lifeblood of man’s sexual
activities. It is therefore imperative that such foods be ingested
that become a source of healthy blood and semen. Such foods that will
grant strength to the body, the mind and the heart after sexual
indulgence; because sexual indulgence weakens the human body
considerably.

An
assortment of various suitable foods for sexual potency are now
presented. Note: Each of the above points are now discussed
individually for a better insight into each one. Click on a title
above to get the details...

Hazrat Ali (Radiyallahu-Anhum) reports that once a person complained
to Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) that he had no children
(probably due to lack of potency).
Rasulullah(Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) advised him to eat eggs.

On
one occasion Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) complained to
Hazrat Jibraeel (Alayhimus-Salaam) replied that he should eat Harisah,
for it has the strength of 40 men. Harisah is a kind of thick soup
made of crushed wheat, mixed with meat, butter, certain spices, etc.

Moderate (or bare minimum) sexual indulgence is the key to good health
and a happy life.
Sour foods in abundance causes premature ejaculation
Sex during fever causes the fever to become excessive and could result
in delirium.

Immediately after sexual activity, partaking place where the sudden
appearance of any strange person is very likely, is undesirable and
causes weakness to the body and nerves. Besides the harm, no pleasure
is derived from such sexual indulgence.
Sex on a full-stomach results in premature ejaculation. Besides this,
weakness of stomach, indigestion, swelling of the liver and stomach
are some of the resultant problems of the above-mentioned act.

Curbing the urge to urinate and indulging in sex in this condition
cause infection and harm to the kidneys, bladder and urinary tract.
Similarly to suppress the urge to defecate and indulge in sex cause
piles and other rectal problems. These should be avoided at all costs.

To
indulge in sex when the eye is sore results in the swelling and
whitening of the eye.

Even
when the woman’s eye is sore, sex should be avoided. Hazrat Umma-Salma
(Radiyallahu-Anhum) reports that if any of the Holy wives’ eyes were
sore, Rasulullah (Sallallahu-Alayhi-Wasallam) would not indulge in
intimacy with them until they were cured. [Jami-e-Kabeer].

N.B.
From this Hadith it is learnt that if the woman is ill or in pain and
agony, sexual intercourse should be avoided. Besides further
deterioration of her health, it may strain relationships between
husband and wife and no pleasure or satisfaction will be derived from
such intimacy.

If
the woman makes istinja with cold water before sexual intercourse, she
will be aroused and climax quicker than normal. On the other hand, the
man will slow down and slacken if he makes istinja with cold water. He
should thus avoid doing so immediately before sexual relations.