From over the hills
To down in the valleys.
From up in the mountains
To down by the sea.
Letters are written
In crayon, pencil and felt-tip pen
Some are neat others are messy
Some are long others are short
Some ask for riches others for health
Some are from near others from afar
Each one reveals what is in a child’s heart
Post boxes filling with a deluge of mail
Postmen delivering in snow, wind and hail
Across bleak tundra to the “Palace of Ice”
All to be read by an old man, who is very nice
One letter to this pile that one to another
He calls for his helpers with the shout “ come my brothers”
Gnarled goblins, elegant elves and super quick sprites
Who all work together to produce childish delights
“Let’s hurry and scurry, no time to stop”
Presents need to be ready for a dark winter’s drop
Reindeer are waiting for their hooves to take flight
Fulfilling dreams across the world this night
Sleigh bells softly ringing
Pole star shining bright
There is a touch of magic
Whenever St Nicks about!
So write your letters carefully because
Wishes can come true!

This Poem was Critiqued By: Joanne M Uppendahl On Date: 2005-12-04 20:32:28Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.96875Steve:
Title: Wishes (for Alanah)
This is lovely! No doubt your daughter delights in it, and it will be a family
tradition to cherish. I love the way it begins, and can picture a father reading
it to his children, his eyes twinkling, theirs wide and hopeful.
I really like the way stanza one takes the reader or listener, more likely,
in imagination “over/down/up/down” so that a dizzying sense of
expectancy is given. Of course, personally, down by the sea is where
I’d want to go if I were a child or adult listening. <smile>
Children and grown-ups too love repetition – the effect of stanza 2’s
repeated “some” is to spellbind the listener, who has already been
up and down and now mesmerized by the repeated sounds.
Each one reveals what is in a child’s heart
Post boxes filling with a deluge of mail
Postmen delivering in snow, wind and hail
Across bleak tundra to the “Palace of Ice”
All to be read by an old man, who is very nice
And your rhymes are charmingly done, with whimsical imagery, the “Palace of Ice”
and the old man, “who is very nice.” A rather understated Father Christmas or St Nick.
One letter to this pile that one to another
He calls for his helpers with the shout “come my brothers” – a warm atmosphere
“Each one reveals what is in a child’s heart” – WONDERFUL!
Who wouldn’t smile at “Gnarled goblins, elegant elves and super quick sprites”—
simply delightful.
“Let’s hurry and scurry, no time to stop”
Presents need to be ready for a dark winter’s drop
Reindeer are waiting for their hooves to take flight
Fulfilling dreams across the world this night
Every child anticipates this picture, whether belief in Santa Claus is part of
their heritage or not – all want to believe in a magical being who knows each
one’s heart.
Sleigh bells softly ringing
Pole star shining bright
There is a touch of magic
Whenever St Nicks about!
The Pole star seems just the right touch. The mythic origins of this are from the Nordic
tradition. The North Star was considered sacred, since all other stars revolved around
its fixed point. They associated this "Pole Star" with the World Tree and the central axis
of the universe. The top of the World Tree touched the North Star, and the spirit of the
shaman climbed the metaphorical tree, thereby passing into the realm of the gods. This
is the meaning of the star on top of the modern Christmas tree, and also the reason that
Santa makes his home at the North Pole according to some. In our modern times, we usually
associate the star with the Christ.
So write your letters carefully because
Wishes can come true!
You close this poem with this wonderful affirmation from which we might all benefit.
Wishes, indeed, can come true. We tend to draw to us the things that we desire, by
our thoughts and actions. It’s a caveat, to be sure, to be careful what one wishes for,
to think, or write our ‘letters’ carefully, as we may receive our heart’s desire and find,
later, that it wasn’t what we’d bargained for. I think that the message is subtle but
very real, and charmingly delivered in your delightful poem! Bravo!
Best wishes for a merry, peaceful Christmas!
Joanne

This Poem was Critiqued By: Claire H. Currier On Date: 2005-11-21 23:48:49Critiquer Rating During Critique: 9.57143Certainly many children have already written that most inportant letter of the year to Santa and indeed the postal service is quite busy with holiday shipping already and the North Pole is tops on their list of places to go. This is a well written poem Stephen and I am certain Alanah enjoyed it very much and probably wants to share it with all her friends as well. It sings of the Night Before Christmas when you read it, the words you have choosen have created the images that one sees and the emotions one feels as they read on. It certainly is the season of miracles, of love and of hopes and dreams being fulfilled. Lets pray that peace also comes to this world we live in soon.
Thanks for posting, sharing and for always being there. God Bless, ClaireThis Poem was Critiqued By: Duane J Jackson On Date: 2005-11-19 00:15:20Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000Hi Stephen,
I'm sure Alanah was thrilled when you read this to her...or are you saving it for a little later in the Christmas season. Santa Claus is a legend and one of childhood's greatest heroes, delivering hope and fulfilment and is the perfect reflection of innocence present in children. This poem overflows with that childlike innocence and you give us a vivid journey from the crayon colored letter to Santa to the reindeers gearing themselves up for that amazing swirl into the heartsand minds of expectant kids.
I was looking closely at the form and did not find consistency in that area. If you were to chisel out the ends so that it flowed with a little more rhythm you could give this amazing theme a wonderful tempo. For example, I noticed that some verses rhyme and some don't....especially the last verse. Well, I did not want to read too much into this cheerful piece of writing but you have something good hear that could be worked upon.
Hope all is well with you.
Take care,
Duane.This Poem was Critiqued By: Lora Silvey On Date: 2005-11-16 16:33:29Critiquer Rating During Critique: 10.00000Steve,
This is simply wonderful and I especially like the idea that you have dedicated this to your six year old daughter. I'm reading and working within the poetry realm with my small grandchildren that live with me. This is an excellant piece to read to them which I have. The oldest is 6, then my 4 year old grand daughter, then we have a wee little one who'll be three New Years. They enjoyed it immensley and now are setting about to try to create their own holiday poems. I must admit, now don't laugh, this brought to mind days of my own childhood which seems a milenia ago and darn close. Your words explicitly state what you want to say and paint the "bestess" as my grandson would say, pictures. Very well done, thouroughly enjoyed this. Keep up the good work and hope you soon honor us with more from your pen...
Warmest always,
LoraThis Poem was Critiqued By: Mark Steven Scheffer On Date: 2005-11-16 09:38:05Critiquer Rating During Critique: 8.27273Stephen,
A delightful Christmas poem. Really. I enjoyed it. What a wonderful poem to share with a child.
MarkThis Poem was Critiqued By: DeniMari Z. On Date: 2005-11-15 22:28:54Critiquer Rating During Critique: 1.00000Dear Stephen,
This piece caught my attention, because I'm a kid at heart when it comes to Christmas. I love the idea of you naming it after your daughter - adding a quality sentimental touch. The flow and rhyme in the first five verses, works well, reads smoothly. This introduction gets the reader into what is happening, in descriptives of
the source of each letter. I hesitated with the sixth verse, and the rhyme with these two lines:
One letter to this pile that one to another
He calls for his helpers with the shout “ come my brothers” - This reads a little choppy to me, so I would rearrange it to something like:
One letter in this pile, another over there
He calls for his helpers
They've no time to spare - Just a suggestion mind you
The rest of the piece, flows just as well as the beginning, endearing the reader to enter the magical world
of the North Pole.
Excellent timing with this piece, with Christmas just weeks away. I know your daughter must have been thrilled to hear this poem.
I love the sincerity in the last line: Wishes can come true! It's a relevent ending to a very good poem.
sincerely,
DeniMari
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