These Are Me Links

To 15 Year-Old White Kid in Mall on Cell Phone Acting Like a Pimp-Daddy:

The gig is up, young man. You are still in junior high. You look like a poser. The food court is the closest place to a ghetto your suburban behind has ever been to. And yet, I'm sure you're getting more action than I am. Who's the pathetic one...?

To Woman Asking Me For Gas Money in the Meijer Parking Lot:

The exasperated tone of your voice was better suited for someone asking for food. You sounded desperate or strung out. And as a side note, don't get back into your running car, waiting for your next shopper to approach, when your schtick is asking for gas money. Hone your craft dear, or simply be honest. I want money for booze, drugs, or both. I prefer to reward truthfulness.

Ah yes, allie, he was a good one. The guy driving around asking for gas money. Although when you and I encountered him, he was legging it. Did I tell you I saw him at Meijer a while back? Still wearing that same light gray suit... all 7 feet tall. He creeps me out.