Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Mid-Winter

I've made it this far! The coldest part of Winter is ahead, but the end is in sight! It's still a very busy time around here, but with the boys back at school and the Adelaide trip behind me, I do feel a bit freer to breathe.

I have to say, I'm almost greatful for the psoriasis I've been afflicted with this year. It means going to phototherapy three times a week and I think the UV lights may help with my SAD. The SAD has been particularly harsh this Winter but I think that is as a result of being more generally run down.

At the moment, I'm learning to have a lot more sympathy for women who abandon breastfeeding in the early days due to mastitis and cracked nipples. Apart from some very early attachment issues with Erik, I've had a very smooth run with breastfeeding my first three children, but this time around has been somewhat more challenging. First there was the undiagnosed case of mastitis in January. I developed a massive, golfball sixed absess in my right breast, which was thankfully close enough to the surface of my skin that it erupted in a huge boil of sorts - sounds gross but honestly so much better than if it had been deep in the breast tissue unable to diffuse (euphemism for burst in bright green pussy volcano)...

My nipples have been a bit more sore this time around and shown signs of vasospasm (blanching at the tip), but then a few weeks ago them started to get very dry, and I should have recognised the signs of psoriasis but didn't because there was so much else going on at the time. Now the nipples are engulfed by psoriasis which is more prominent on the side of the nipple that is drawn into the roof of the child's mouth (remembering two different children feed). I have a couple of deep fissures that reopen at every feed and bleed. This morning I started smearing liberal amounts of lanisoh on the nipples, so hopefully that will help.

I HAVE to start getting to bed earlier. I'm going to MAKE myself go to bed at 10.30pm at the latest each night now, even if Ari isn't asleep yet, or if he's just gotten to sleep.

I also HAVE to start eating better, more specifically cutting out all the junk I've been binging on because I feel wiped out all the time (or maybe BECAUSE it MAKES me feel wiped out all the time).

Basically, I need to take better care of myself. I'm not really going to start to feel better until I do, and that means not being able to do all the stuff I want and need to get done.

Winter is such a challenge to me every year, thank goodness this one is half over already!