I wish I was a Rottweiler and I could carry a gun
I'd go after all those folks, who think that tortures fun
I'd gather up a gang of us, a Spitz, a chi, a hound
We'd travel in a motor home, and hunt these people down
We'd start with all the puppy mills, we'd open all their doors
And tell them all "run like the wind, and head for golden shores
There's someone there that's waiting, with open arms for you
I promise you can trust them, they're animal rescue

If I could talk, I'd call the millers out into the night
I'd bear my teeth, and hold my gun and watch them shake in fright
And then I'd laugh and laugh and laugh and then I'd laugh some more
As I threw them in the wire cage and slammed the metal door

So its on to the next, Oh this is fun as we joke around
with each other
We start drawing maps and making plans
Got a lot of ground to cover.
There's a pit on the road, someone has dumped
We offer him a ride,
Its not hard to see the life he has led by the pain that's in his eyes.

We give him lots of food and drink, and he shows no
aggression
He hears our plan and wants to join, and teach mankind a lesson
We're off again, to search this land for the murderers who went free
To teach the ones who stomped and burned and hung dogs from a tree
One by one we paid them back for everything they've done
And repeated their words back to them, "isn't torture fun?".

After days and days of traveling, gathering troops along
the way
Thinking of our forever homes and the people who threw us away
We long for a loving family, Oh wouldn't that be neat!!!
Instead, they dump or beat us or have us put to sleep
Maybe we are not thru yet, there's many more folks to see
The judges and lawyers, the USDA or maybe the AKC.
We give all politicians giardia and mange, on the highway by the side of
the road
And strip them of their dignity, give them fleas and ticks abode.

I smile to myself as this vision dances in my head
My eyes grow very heavy, as I snuggle in this soft bed
I can hear in a far distance, dogs whining and then a scream
When I wake up, I realize that this was all a dream
The wire digs into my side, my feet and body's sore
As I look down to the ones below that cold, hard, wire floor
I start to beg like all the rest, please set me free today.
I pray to God, I'd rather be dead then live this horrible way

And guess what, I'm not a rot nor do I have a gun
I'm just a little Dachshund, put on earth to play and run
To be loved by ALL humans, like every dog should be
But if I did had a gun right now, I'd use that gun on me.

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