Rule #1: People Won't Tell You the Whole Truth Until They Feel Connected to You

Because you are the boss, people naturally have their wall up. Connecting is designed to pull the wall down. You connect by listening, giving people your complete attention, and being genuinely interested in what they have to say.

Rule #2: Ask Easy Questions First

To get people to reveal their problems, roadblocks, concerns, and feelings, you need them to talk. The more they talk, the more problems they will reveal.

To make it easy for people to talk, begin conversations with questions that are easy to answer and that they will enjoy answering. Once they feel comfortable talking, the door will open to ask deeper or more direct questions designed to trigger self-awareness.

Rule #3: People Communicate with Stories

In conversations, people don't spit out facts. Instead they tell stories. When you listen attentively and patiently, you foster effective communication skills that encourage the speaker to expand on and tell more stories. The clues that lead to roadblocks and opportunities to coach, train, and develop are buried inside these stories.

Rule #4: Be Empathetic -- Follow Emotional Cues to Problems

Listening deeply with your eyes, ears, and heart will lead you to emotional cues like voice inflection, facial expressions, and body language that indicate that a story point or issue has emotional significance. When you find these cues, use follow-up questions to dig deeper. This is where real problems, wants, and needs will be revealed.

Rule #5: Never Make Assumptions

Many leaders assume that they know exactly what people need. After a little questioning, they move right into pontificating. They dump their answers on the other person who eventually just tunes them out. Leaders assume, rather than ask questions, because they are in a hurry, bored, impatient, or lack empathy.

Besides all of the obvious pitfalls of assuming, there is also an emotional trap. No one, not you, not me, not the people who work for you, likes to be told that we are not unique. We resent it. We want to be treated as individuals.

Bonus Rule: Do Not Answer Your Own Questions

When you ask hard questions of people, they will often attempt to freeze you out with silence. People have learned that the best way to get out of the hot seat is to just stare back at their manager. The manager, intimidated by this silence and impatient to move on, rewards this behavior by answering his own question -- usually as a run-on sentence. The coachee then walks away, off the hook, and nothing changes.

Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Inc. from People Follow You: The Real Secret to What Matters Most in Leadership by Jeb Blount. Copyright (c) 2012 by Jeb Blount. This book is available at all bookstores and online booksellers.