“What do you mean? You heard something bad about her?” The young Tamil man presses his friend anxiously but dreads hearing more.

“Well, how do I put this lightly? Let’s just say she’s been around. Her ex told me some messed up things about her. I would stay away from that girl if I were you.”

The young Tamil man is downcast yet relieved. “Is it just me or are a lot of Tamil girls sluts nowadays? There are like no decent girls left.”

“Word,” says his friend as they shake their head in derision and disgust while they repeat the process, this time with another female target in mind.

Are you surprised by this conversation? Shocked? You shouldn’t be because this is a conversation that occurs frequently within the Tamil community.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not solely targeting Tamils. In fact, this conversation could be applied to any society that places a strong emphasis on female chastity. Yet regardless of the culture, this is a conversation that should not be happening. Especially not in this day and age. (And to add as a disclaimer, I have no problems with women who choose not to be sexually active. That is their choice. What I do have a problem with are people – men or women – who assess someone’s character solely by their virginity or lack thereof.)

There seems to be a flawed assumption somewhere in the depths of our patriarchal culture that the ideal woman should be angelic and innocent, blushing at the mere mention of words like “sex” or “penis”. Sometimes, when my anger doesn’t blind me, I kind of empathize with you.

Some of you grew up hearing stories from the epic Ramayana and learning of the modest, angelic Sita. You probably sat there thinking, “Of course, one day I will marry a Sita. A Sita who will constantly prove her chastity to me and the world by jumping into a fire whenever doubts were cast upon her character.”

As if this wasn’t enough, the Tamil movies you grew up watching added to the damage. You were constantly bombarded by meaningless plots that depicted a meek, beautiful Barbie doll who emulated Sita. On the other hand, it was the villainess of the movie who oozed sexiness and lust that was at once appreciated in the form of an erection yet hated for being “slutty”.

I’m sure you whistled with all your might when Rajnikanth famously differentiated the three types of women in the hit film Padaiyappa. In his opinion, the three types of women were the type you revere like a goddess, the type you want to have sex with, and the type you’re in mortal fear of. Of course, the character Padaiyappa chooses the homely and innocent Soundarya while defacing the strong sex appeal exuding Neelambari, a decision you probably applauded.

In these narratives, you were accustomed to seeing depicted women as polarized figures – either modest and righteous or sexually active and evil. Well, did it ever occur to you that women – even Tamil women – can be both righteous and sexually active? It probably didn’t because the idea of sexual purity has become the measuring stick for assessing good character in Tamil women.

Yet this is not the case for Tamil men. Let’s be honest – Tamil men get to have full sexual freedom when it comes to dating and hook-ups. And we Tamil women are expected to complacently accept your indiscretions as if it were your right as men to explore and enjoy life, and as if questioning this right is blasphemous.

Let me tell you something that may boggle your mind. Tamil men – you may have to sit down for this one. But we Tamil women get horny too. Contrary to popular belief, we have sexual urges as well. Just as you experience complete sexual liberation, we wish to have the same without being judged and ridiculed as “not marriage material”. We are not objects to be judged as “easy” or “used” and are disgusted that you would even use these terms to describe us.

Along with this, not all of us believe in the idea of marrying the first guy we date. And just like you, some of us want adventure and fun in our teens and twenties. Stop putting us on a pedestal and comparing us to an ideal that is not only completely unnatural, but boring.

And while you’re at it, please erase this barbaric idea that being modest is the only way to be righteous. There are many sexually promiscuous women who are also intelligent, charitable, kind, empathetic and many other positive traits. The choice to be sexually promiscuous or chaste should not be central in defining a woman. So instead of putting virgin on the top of your checklist when assessing a woman, try putting qualities such as intelligence or independence and see where it will take you.

Hoping for a change,

Young Tamil Women

* * * * *

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect TamilCulture’s editorial policy.

Author

Niveda Anandan is in her final year of a Bachelor of Science degree in Integrative Biology, English literature, and Psychology at the University of Toronto. She is a writer at Tamil Feminist and is passionate about issues pertaining to gender inequality. You can follow other articles with related themes at http://kumukam.com/tamilfeminist/.

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809 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Young Tamil Men”

“Guys, never ask a woman how many men she’s slept with. ‘Cause you don’t wanna know. Just be happy you’re (with) her now. . . . First of all, no matter what she say, it’s too much for you! No matter what she say, she can go, “Two,” you be like, “Two?! Two?! Two?! No, no, no, two?! Two?! I guess that’s how you was raised!” (Chris Rock, Bring the Pain, 44:24 – 45:08)

Great article. Please write about Tamil culture & marriage outside of your culture (ie: Tamil man or woman marrying someone of a different ethnic background (white, black, hispanic etc). It seems that we have too much stigma against this as well. Regards!

At the risk of incurring the wrath of tamil feminists everywhere, let me just say that this girl has balls. Took a lot of courage to write this sort of article, and it’s long overdue. Good for you, Niveda.

i know i am gonna get in trouble for this.. i am not disagreeing with this. but are you saying its wrong for a guy to look for a girl like that… i mean there are guys who don’t care as much as the guys who do… and those who do are open to their opinion as much as you are to yours aren’t they? like you said in this day and age.. yes its dum to look for a girl like Sita.. but its not wrong for Ram is it?

I like your article, I feel that it makes very valid points. However, I do not like that line where you said that “the ideal is unnatural and boring” A woman who remains chaste till marriage should not be considered unnatural or boring, she is a human being who chose this path. I admit that the value of a woman should not be based on her sexual purity. If a woman had many sex partners, it is alright so long as she is not cheating and is not endangering herself in anyway. However, a woman who had sex with 30 men is not the same as a man who had sex with 30 women. This is because men in general have a much stronger libido than women, due to higher levels of testosterone. Also, I am a tamil man and I am restricted to be sexually active till marriage, just like a lot of other tamil men, so not all of us get full sexual freedom.

I like your article, I feel that it makes very valid points. However, I do not like that line where you said “the ideal is unnatural and boring” . A woman who remains chaste till marriage should not be considered unnatural or boring, she is a natural human being who chose this path. She can still be interesting, independent and smart, while still remaining a virgin. Secondly, I admit that the value of a woman should not be based on her sexual purity. However, there is a negative correlation between one’s character and one’s sexual promiscuity, and this applies for both sexes. If a woman has few sex partners, it is alright so long as she is not disturbing her sense of character. If a man has 30 sex partners, it is not alright because such levels of sexual indulgence can make the man more shallow and materialistic in character. However, a woman who had sex with 15 men most likely has, or is developing, a lesser character than a man who had sex with 15 women. This is because men in general have a much stronger libido than women, due to higher levels of testosterone; making it more difficult for a man to have greater control over their sexuality. This particular fact does not always apply for certain individuals like nymphomaniacs, but in general. Also, I am a tamil man and I am restricted to be sexually active till marriage, just like a lot of other tamil men, so not all of us get full sexual freedom as stated in your article.

It’s of course fine if certain men prefer virgins. But if they do, they need to make sure that their preference is based on a good reason, and not on some completely mistaken (and damaging) idea that virgins are more “pure” or “morally superior” than women who choose to have sex. I think a lot of men who tend to prefer virgins do so because these men want to be their only lover, so that he’s the best lover she’s ever had — that strikes me as kind of a little insecure.

I have absolutely no issues about girls doing whatever they
want, but i don see any need for her to explain or to justify it on a
public forum;
This mere sign shows that deep inside her ,she feels its wrong and to
justify it, she is doing a cover up ( in a pretty intelligent way)
And On speaking about “guys expectation” i don see any sense , bcz
exception about a partner is purely personal” It can’t and never be
generalized to a particular region or people of certain origin.
Just like a girl expects a smart handsome guy who has thick wallet ,asks
no questions abt her past & who owns a BMW; A guy expects something
diff (in this case a virgin ).
Both are mere expectation there is nothing called good expectation or bad expectation or right or wrong,[good or bad are just naming].
In Short, all this kinda arguments are meant just to cover up,by
those who feels guilty and wants to feel right about what they are
doing , i don see any deep understanding of neither sex or women
empowerment or freedom in this.
Finally i don see any point either in telling that guys have sexual
freedom and girls dont have.
If so who do you think these guys have sex with …… Girls of same age
isn’t it???? so where comes the point of lack of sexual freedom?????
And
to talk about Ramayana and Sita…. no one knows whats went there…. i
heard a story that when Lord Rama came to know that he has live in
forest he(or someone) made sita as a statue and only a look alike was
taken to forest so when everything was settled… the doll was put on
fire to give back life to sita …. without knowing the roots its not
right to talk about Sita & Rama… and FYI they are not Niveda’s
neighbors anyway
My point is, do whatever you think is
right, Its your wish; but know the consequences of it and don justify
what you are doing is right; Justification merely shows that you are on
the weaker side and you know that its wrong already.

Thank you so much for your response. This is a perspective that I felt needed to be heard. There are some things worth being ostracized for. This is one of them. In this article I am questioning cultural constructs. People forget that culture is man made, and thus will have flaws embedded within it. The trouble is most cultures were made in a time where the opinion of women was thought of as worthless. It is time we reinvent culture and allow it to have perspectives that promote equality and acceptance for all. It is so sad for me to see women who do not conform to societal values as being viewed as “outsiders”. I want to say that if my view isn’t accepted by my culture then I have no problem with being the “outsider”. I am not going to hide and hang my head in shame because my culture tells me that I should. It is time people began to critically think about these so called “norms”. Once we realize that many of the rules society imposes upon is “man-made”, I believe we will change.

What the author says is nothing new. Its the same old idea that feminists have sold for ages. Sadly women have fallen a prey to this idea.
A word of caution: such ideas have destroyed women n families. Before the author airs her personal opinions she must know more n see if her hypothesis is tested.
People suffer from guilt of the past. Being judged by others is different but to be judged by your own conscience is something really difficult to handle.
The magazine must exercise care as to what they allow to be written. This opinion has been sold and over sold but really doesn’t fetch much!!!
The following is a link to how the views of a ardent and popular feminist destroyed the life of her daughter. In this she speaks of the idea about how her mom thought she was granting sexual freedom to her daughter but in reality was destroying her daughter’s childhood and innocence.

If a woman being a virgin is something that is cliche, then why is that virginity sold at such a high price. Just an alternative view, why does a woman’s virginity cost so much???? $780,000. It may be weird. But my point is woman’s chastity is priceless and so is a man’s.
But right here my point is a woman’s body is sacred and priceless.

If a woman being a virgin is something that is cliche, then why is
that virginity sold at such a high price. Just an alternative view, why
does a woman’s virginity cost so much???? $780,000. It may be weird. But
my point is woman’s chastity is priceless and so is a man’s.
But right here my point is a woman’s body is sacred and priceless.

Thank you for this insightful letter.
I think you are right, it is unfair that there is an inequality between Tamil men and women, and maybe men judge women more by their ‘virginity status’ than women judge men. I believe this is intrinsically unfair.
Although I think you have a point, your concept of the way it should be is flawed. I personally think that both men and women should not be sexually promiscuous. In an ideal world everyone should just meet one person and it should work. And yes, I accept that doesn’t always work out to be the case, but this culture of sleeping with anyone and everyone by both men and women is utterly disgraceful, under the pretence of trying to find the right person.
Yes we might be living in a Western world, but MEN AND WOMEN should try and value things that make a relationship special, rather than exercising it with everyone, in my opinion.
I am a Tamil born and brought up in London and I agree that many of my Tamil peers do not hold the same views, but if this were culturally more accepted, then I feel relationships would be stronger, marriages would last longer and there would be no need to judge each other whether they were a virgin as we would all be the same.
I would be interested to hear your thoughts but would like to commend you on writing to encourage equality between men and women.
Young Tamil Man

Exploring sex is not empowerment in the slightest! Sexual freedom is an individual choice and not one that anyone need to voice or start a campaign for?!! I don’t know about Canada but here in England even the british frown upon a woman that has been ‘around’. Over here that is simply the difference between the higher, middle and lower class.
Don’t forget; woman bears the baby! What happens during this sexual explosion and one becomes pregnant? Will the next stigma to write about be ‘Tamil single mum’ and thereafter ‘Tamil troubled child’ then ‘Tamil criminal’ …so what have we achieved here? Is this progress? Is sexual pleasure really a worthy fight?
Finally, like they say ‘charity begins at home’ ..if you still believe this ’cause’ maybe try convincing your family members about this idea and see if it’s accepted and maybe then shine this light at the rest of the world.
As much as I admire your bravery and bold decision, it is however not the brightest. Please use your wonderful talent more productively – all the best!

tuxedomask26 Kindly do be an outsider. You dont need to hang your head in shame. Its either you are tamil or I am tamil. “Onnu nee saganum illa naan saganum”. . (Baasha, 1999).not “Random innocent thangachi who falls for feminism”.. Vitru ellathayum vitru

First off, I just want to say Niveda what you did took guts! Good job. You had the courage to open up a topic that we often tend to cover up and shy away from. I may not agree with everything that you said but I feel like now that this has become an open discussion, everyone can have their say and we can try (as best as we can) to get to the root of the problem. We may not be able to solve it, but at least its out there, no hiding, no secrets. But then again, it helps that these comments are anonymous!
Although you brought up a lot of valid points, I think that some of your examples were outdated. I liked what The New Breed of Young Tamil Men had said. These are just stereotypes we have in our culture. Our culture in general is very idealist. We have this unattainable expectations both men and women. That just gets worse and worse. It started off with looks and attractiveness to riches to now virginity being the main issue. Everyone has freedom of choice, simple as that. What they decide to choose is based on their own upbringing, values and personality. I believe that whether your sexually active or not, its based on your choice. You have to deal with your consequences. Sure in the ideal world everyone wants to have someone who only loves them and no one else. But in today’s society that just isn’t practical. Kids are dating and are becoming sexually active at a much younger age. Not just the guys but girls too. If a guy can be sexually active than a girl can too. That’s feminist at its best. Equality; plain and simple. There shouldn’t be these double standards for girls and guys. We need to move away from this idea that only perfect virgin girls are ideal, everyone is different, they make different choices. You have to accept them for who they are now when you meet them. Personally, I don,t care if the guy is sexually active. What he did before he met me was his own decisions but if one thing I will always care about is if he has any sexually transmitted illnesses because that is what concerns me and my body. We need to take charge of our own lives and decide what is right and what is wrong instead of looking at it just through society’s point of view. I’d like to stress that at the end of the day personal choice matters. Just because I chose to be a virgin doesn’t mean everyone else has to. I get that we have to uphold culture but sometimes personal choice out weighs culture. We’re told to do so much things cause of culture but I feel like, as young tamil individuals, we should question it and see what is the reason they are telling us to certain things. Then go about either following it or not based on what we believe is right. At the end of the day its as simple as that. Not everyone is the same and our culture needs to acknowledge that. Culture doesn’t need to change, we want to hold on to our heritage but it should evolve and grow just like we have over the past several decades.

Consultant Vitae I think her point is that you should be able to CHOOSE if you want to be promiscuous or not and people shouldn’t degrade you for it. If you think you shouldn’t be very sexually active that’s fine and respectful, but that doesn’t give you the right to disrespect those who don’t agree. 🙂

Hey Niveda,
Writing this is a good slap in the face for many people who can’t seem to comprehend the idea that people can like or want different things from them. I think it’s an IQ thing really, but some people can’t change their perception of what they were raised with as easily and it’s sad that we still have men AND women like this around. PLEASE PLEASE ignore the haters, those that understand and want to see change will applaud your efforts. Those who can’t seem to evolve and move forward in our fast paced world will be stuck, and they’re not worth your time anyways 😛

For all of those who believe that women should stay virgins before marriage because it’s “our culture”, please ask yourself one question: Why is following “culture” a good thing exactly?
Cultural views can be wrong, and they indeed have been wrong many times in the past. It was once a cultural norm to discriminate against blacks on buses. Prior to that, slavery was a cultural norm. And well before that, burning innocent women suspected of witchcraft was a cultural norm. Clearly, accepting beliefs blindly just because it’s a part of our “culture” is not a very wise thing to do.
Instead of relying on culture, it’s better to adopt values based on our reasoning about them. Reason and rationality is the only common language we all share. We can ask ourselves: does placing a stigma and a black mark on women who choose to have sex before marriage actually improve people’s lives? Does equating virginity with purity actually improve people’s lives? I think that if we all think about these questions very hard and objectively — without letting emotions and “culture” get in the way — we will discover that the answer is clearly “NO”.

Alivory Consultant Vitae I appreciate that you should be able to choose and that is what Niveda is trying to put across. But what I am arguing, is that males and females should be encouraged to stay virgins until marriage, and this is what we should encourage as a society. That will have greater long-term benefits. I don’t think it is a matter of disrespecting those who don’t agree, I think it is just a decision to try to avoid those who do not have the same ideals as yourself when you are trying to find a partner so that you can have an equal and fair relationship, with maximal chances of working out.

eelam YoungTamilMan
Eelam, you asked “who decides” what is right or wrong. That’s actually not a bad question. A great question in fact. As I mentioned, I think we all need to rely on our rationality and reasoning to decide what is right or wrong. If we all use rationality properly, then we can expect to come to similar decisions about right versus wrong. The problem with relying on culture is exactly what you mentioned: It’s relative. Some cultures believe X, whereas other cultures believe Y. We can’t really depend on our culture to tell us what’s right.

tamilN007 I also think divorce rates have gone up because people realized they don’t need to tolerate abuse and sexism in their own sheltered homes and can live on their own two feet. Props to all those women and men who were brave to leave abuse and/or an unhealthy environment to reduce the stress they don’t need!

YoungTamilMan eelam How is losing your virginity a practice of self control? Do you think the same toward men who lose their virginity? Good practices of self control include NOT HURTING PEOPLE (no stealing, killing, selfishness, etc) and RESPECTING PEOPLE. That IS self control, not losing your virginity. That’s like telling a child “Hey if you watch TV you have no self control because you like to do things that make you happy” … WEIRDO!

eelam YoungTamilMan
Eelam- I love how you assume that he is a Tamil Woman- there are forward thinking males out there
Second of all- How about the concept of rape? In which case it was not the choice of the woman. Our wonderful culture practices “victim blaming”. Also, how about women in abusive relationships? There choices are limited, and men use their masculinity to overpower them. Which again, our culture blames the woman for not being strong enough etc…
Third- How about men who have been around? A man that has lost his virginity before marriage? The exact same logic can be applied there. How can he keep it in his pants long enough to stay with her and keep the marriage going?
Would you say in his perspective, he cannot exercise control? No, you would not.
Fourth- Once we came here, like it or not, our culture has become fused with Canadian (Western) one. It does not stay exactly the same and CULTURE EVOLVES. It changes, it is not stagnant. Just as language evolves. Culture itself is not a positive thing, it encourages a socialized stigma of certain aspects in society. Do you know how disgusting that is?
Fifth- WOMEN HAVE NEEDS TOO. WE GET HORNY. Believe it or not, we like and want sex, and it should not be limited to just marriage. What if your spouse sucks in bed?
Maybe you should reconsider somethings before talking. Each person’s story is different.

This is directed towards Tamil YoungMan and Alivory: You guys are awesome! I am so happy to see critical thinkers, when mostly people are unable to think for themselves and merely derive their thinking from religious texts or cultural norms. It is people like you that give me hope that there will be a change in the future!

ObnuxiousandLoud eelam YoungTamilMan Love this conversation and to add to this, people somehow misconstrue Western culture as always advocating for sexual liberation. This was definitely not the case. In times in which religion and state were one, Western culture and Tamil culture were very similar. In fact many of the ideals that Tamil culture propagates is similar to the values found in the Victorian era. Western culture changed as women’s rights became a central issue. Thus, culture EVOLVES for the better. It is time we catch up.

It is also interesting to note that many people are advocating for the preservation of “Tamil Culture” as if I am somehow trying to disintegrate it. Many people don’t realize that the South Asian groups, including Tamils, are racially a very mixed group. Our ancestors include Caucasians, individuals of African descent, and East Asians. Clearly sex is something that has BEEN occurring within groups and possibly pre-maritally. One only needs to look at the very sexualized female sculptures that are prevalent in Hindu Temples to understand what an important role female sexuality has had in our culture (I have attached them in my article).

Virginity is very important to a woman herself…i dont think its of any man’s concern. Esp tamil men…shameless beings who eat on their wives and in laws money after marriage. And in whr do u come frm Mr.Eelam , which woman gets married 5 yrs after puberty.

The comments this entire time by a few people like eelam and some one else is about “self-control” of the woman. Well, in sex, the woman is not all alone and there is almost always a “man” too. But, people like you and others (including women) blame the lady alone for her actions and victimize her in the process. When you preach culture and tradition you say that the woman’s chastity is of utmost value. In the same note there was never a line which spoke about men’s values based on culture and tradition. If you are a traditionalist and love your culture, follow it unbiased. Don’t judge others and don’t force others to change. Look at yourself in the mirror first.

I agree that Tamil women who do not marry the first guy they date should not be considered as ‘marriage material’. A number of issues written in this article are valid. Those who are buried under the false understanding of Tamil culture require correction. I hope this article means sexual adventure is fine before marriage and attempts to retain the concept of one man – one woman after marriage. If the liberation means otherwise, then I think you are drifting to dangerous shores.

The key difference between western born girls and tamil girls in non-western world is most of the non-western girls will cover up their sex life. “I was with him for five years, we only touched each others hands once” Sure, you must have only played chinese chess all night long during the sleep over too. Theiveegamana Kaadhalam! LOL But i like the fact she respected my ego.That’s relationship
Feminism is messing with the heads here. Its not about culture honey, its about being practical. Driving schools teach you to look check your sides, backs etc, Do you do that in real life? ஏட்டு சுரக்கா கறிக்கு உதவாதப்பா!

People rarely regret for preserving their virginity for their husband or wife. But somethings like your virginity lost can never be got back.

Freedom comes with restrictions. We can do all things but there are consequences. People who go through sex before marriage actually go through guilt rather than the special feeling.
Please take a look at this TED talks video before considering this article. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C24CmKxRPdQ

tuxedomask26
Really? Does culture always evolve for the better? Where do you get that idea from? How can you throw around assumptions like that?
I can’t believe you have supporters. Obviously they all must be as informed as you are!!!

would I be proving your entire point if I said ” woman! you should not be talking about sex! this is against our tamil culture” hahaha, I kid I kid, nice manifestation of your thoughts and probably every other tamil lady’s in this some what weird time of evolution. Very interesting read. Thank you 🙂

Thirukural says”ஒழுக்கம் விழுப்பம் தரலான் ஒழுக்கம்
உயிரினும் ஓம்பப் படும்”
“”Olukkam Viluppam Tharalaan Olukkam Uyirinum OOmpapadum””
“Propriety of conduct leads to eminence, it should therefore be preserved more carefully than life.”
Niveda are u saying Virginity < intelligent and independence.
so basically u want to guy to marry to a prostitute(more or less) because she is intelligent and independent. whats the gurantee that she wont go again and sleep with someone again(resume doesnt say so).Virginity define ur character.Losing ur virginity shows ur vulnerable ,mental impurity,not intelligent,not trust worthy does not care about future husband/wife ‘security. when u given ur self to a guy/ girl for the very first time it wont be special or same as with the next person that a person will have. whether its physically,mentally emotionally it wont be same.But at the end of the day i know person’s conscience will kill him/her for the most part of the life.
i think author in here is trying to justify a group of people mistake by showing the misatke of another group. instead of pointing finger at others why dont u people rectify ur mistake and make others mouth shut by doing so. one crime cant justify another crime.

I MUST SAY UR PARENTS DIDNT TEACH U ABOUT VALUE OF CULTURE WHICH IS NOT UR FAULT . I HOPE U READ WHAT U WROTE TO UR PARENTS AND HOPEFULLY UR PATERNST CAN TEACH WHAT THEY DIDNT TEACH U EARLIER.
Nandri Vanakkam 🙂

Hi I would like to just say that u misread what the author said.
If u expect a girl to be pure And not sexually active that’s what we would expect from the boys.
U boys can go around be sexually active before marriage but if the girl does it its wrong. The author is putting forth a question for u to think about. In ur words when u don’t expect to marry a female ‘prostitute’ we don’t want to marry a male ‘prostitute’ so the author just wanted to put forth a question.
And ur comment on whether she has values or not shows how biased u are.

RishiKesan
I don’t understand your point, Rishi. Yes, Niveda is suggesting that virginity might be less important than independence and intelligence. But that doesn’t lead to the conclusion that men should prefer prostitutes. It only leads to the conclusion that, everything else held equal, men would rather marry a non-virgin than a stupid & submissive woman. Why don’t you try to think carefully about the points in the article before ranting?

Anjali008vanakkam u said “If u expect a girl to be pure And not sexually active that’s what we would expect from the boys.” nothing wrong with ur opinion infact thats hw it should be …i think it s hypocritical for guys or girls to get someone who is virgin when they are players. but what Niveda wrote was “Just as you experience complete sexual liberation, we wish to have the
same without being judged and ridiculed as “not marriage material”. she wants sexual liberation as well. just because some guys are being pigs doesnt mean u should also be like that . this article is clearly trying to justify what some girls are doing instead of rectifying it. her conclusion clearly state the bottom line of the article by saying “instead of putting virgin on the top of your checklist when assessing a
woman, try putting qualities such as intelligence or independence and
see where it will take you.”

YoungTamilMan Vanakkam Please explain hw a intelligent and independent women can lose virginity .yes i did exaggerate a little bit about going far as prostitute i meant to say “player” instead of “prostitute “

YoungTamilMan”Why is following “culture” a good thing exactly?” well lets put it this way why not following ur culture is bad.
if u evovle or change some part of the culture its not ur culture anymore imagine doing this for years and years after couple of century ur culture wont even exist. when u dont have culture u dont have identity . if u dont have identity u wont have race. tamil race wont even exist if u people think like that.

RishiKesan What is this “culture” you speak of and what is its “value”? Something that was written 2000 years back and that was meant for people of that era? What about child marriage, castism, sati, dowry etc? Our culture is not that great and perfect as your parents have taught you. It is littered with social flaws which our country suffers even today. Get out of our narrow minded shell and stop blindly believing what somebody else said centuries ago. Learn to be critical and question those things as well. That is why you have a brain. Otherwise you will prove yourself to be a moron, like you did with the comments above. This is my sincere advice to you.
”
Virginity define ur character”. Really? That’s what defines someone? Just because someone decided to enjoy life does not make them a bad person. You know what makes bad person? Passing judgement about others on frivolous things like virginity and sex. Like you did with your vile comments. Sex is not a bad thing as long as it is consensual and safe. Having it does not make you a bad person either. Just because someone said something long back does not make it right.

krishvijay RishiKesan Second Sex was written fifty years ago too. Just because someone said it long time ago to some other crowd doesnt make it right either. How is it still relevant?… . child marriage, sati,castism had socio economic reasons, just like feminism. lol. Epdi venalum pesalam sithapu!!

Opinion_Puli krishvijay RishiKesan Exactly my point. All I am saying is stop judging people based on silly things like this. Especially in India where we have bigger issues like gender inequality where being born a woman is a curse (if they are lucky enough to be born). No one is perfect and no one can claim their ideologies or cultural values are perfect. But one has the thinking capacity to at least empathise with others and see things from a different point of view, rather than just yours or what someone else had written. And that is what I am telling him to do.

chicagoan1982 diya8782
chicagoan1982 diya8782
Hi
I
have been a social worker and also worked with young people. I have
come across cases of marital rape and I agree that its a serious
offense.
Not only that, if u see my argument all I am saying is
men and women preserving their virginity for one another makes a
marriage a place of peace and comfort and trust.
And about the
Christian view and everything. I am not quite sure how much you know
about the bible and what it says. Have you heard of a woman named Mary
Magdalene? The same case as pointed out by the author says about not
judging comes into play. All the hypocrites of society catch hold of
woman who “has been around” and bring her to Jesus. They demand that she
be stoned to death. And Jesus says “anyone who does not have any wrong
in him should be the first one to stone her” No one does, cause everyone
is flawed. But this realization changes her life. People who wanted to
stone her were the very men who used her. This experience changed her
life. Sexually active does not mean true freedom. Its a trap.
I
have also worked with people who have been sexually been active and who
have had a break up. Through working with these young people I have
learnt that those involved not only emotionally but also sexually have
been hurt more. They feel they have lost a part of themselves that can
never be got back.
Freedom always comes with ifs and buts. Often
young people are so confused because they think they are absolutely free
to anything. I do agree that every individual is free to do anything.
But that anything need not be really good for an individual. for
instance even doing drugs. We are free to do drugs but the consequences
are grave. Or even breaking a traffic rule. If want to sing “I did it my
way” its fine but don’t say that your way is something is to be
accepted and lauded.
What the writer has written here is an idea sold and oversold and has destroyed individuals and families.
True liberation is when individuals know and chose what is beneficial for them.

RishiKesan YoungTamilMan Sounds like you’re trolling, but let me give this a shot.
She’s trying to say that the qualities of a person being ‘intelligent’, ‘independent’ and a virgin are all mutually exclusive. This means that you can have one or two of these qualities without necessarily having the other(s).
To break it down even more, being intelligent does not imply that you are a virgin. Likewise, being a virgin does not imply that you are intelligent. There is no correlation between the two.
Do you really want me to explain the semantics of “hw a intelligent and independent women can lose virginity”? Because I can give you the birds and the bees talk if I have to.

Alivory Let me clarify, I do agree with what niveda is saying. i was merely reinforcing the points she made and giving my two-cents about the issue. I think that she could have proved it with better examples rather than using the padayappa movie (released 1999) to describe the flaw in media over a decade later. Nowadays, media especially tamil film industry has started to move away from iconic ‘perfect’ women with more relate able personalities. Just a little constructive criticism from one write to another 🙂

First of all, way go to Niveda! It takes a lot of courage to write an article as such! Sexual freedom, experimentation etc. it is an individual choice, no matter what culture you are! I don’t think it is wrong to explore your sexuality or wanting to marry someone who is a virgin. But in no way do we have the right to chastise people for what they want! At the end of the day we are ALL PEOPLE. I love that fact I am a Tamil man at the same time I also love the fact that I am an Canadian. I embrace a lot good values from different cultures. I think it is unfair to tell someone you are abandoning your cultural values because they sleep around. Jeez people, we are only on this earth for what a good 80 years? Chill out, accept and love each other for their differences! : )

Mr.Eelam pls read what i meant properly…it is important to be a virgin before marriage , and i think we who live in Asia still keep it a culture. What im saying is that tamil men and i mean the most lot of u, dont have any criterias to actually expect anything frm a woman…n u have so much to talk..eelam reflecting tht u r a sri lankan itamil in the culture where the man drains his in laws for dowry aSHAMELESSLY should even expect anytg from a woman…i’ve seen tamil girls growing in western countries they r beautiful and vibrant and probably thats y they tend to deviate from this particular culture that tamil women possess…but as for sri lankan tamil women they have nothing when it comes to character and beauty , the only thing they have is their virginity. So if u r looking for tht quality alone go seach in them there..and stop talking abt other women …u sri lankan tamil men just sit around and gossip just like women. U should wear the skit at home.

So the whole thread of comments and discussions that are there present very interesting views, and the whole thing brings to my mind only one question
What if there was no gender, no male no female. Assume for a second there is no genitalia to distinguish between a male and a female, we are a unisex world. But there exists the concept of marriage and union, how would you guys tuxedomask26 Opinion_Puli Anjali008 Food4Thought YoungTamilMan react to this world and the similar questions of virginity, I mean because you have the concept of virginity and it being so important are there so many views culturally and historically about it, what about a castrated world.

Please dont blame parents for anything..in ur mother land things r set tht way n tht is y u r brought up like tht. But tamilians r the 1st people to change once seeing another…culture shock it’s called. Only talk like this if u and ur siblings r brought up in the west by ur parents and each one of ur family member follows aLl tamil values..ifnot back out …even if u r still in ur country it’s because u hadnt a chance to leave if not u would have been the first to jump into the plane.

Rishi..dont ever blame anyone elses parents if u respect urs. U r only allowed to do this if u and ur siblings were brought up in a western country…whn i said brought up meaning whn u ppl were in primary school, and all ur family members still follow all tamil culture not just being virgin till marriage, which anybody can do.
U r talking abt tamil culture and u r disrespecting the elders…is this what ur parents taught u?

Let me put this in a simple way for all of you. People love to have sex, man and woman. Denying that gets us nowhere. All the author wants to convey is that some people’s approach towards sex may not be the same as yours and let those people have their share of pie. A person’s virtue is independent of their sexual preferences and you must understand that. So you want a monogamous relationship? sure, have at it, have a monogamous relationship, author is not saying to ban monogamy, all she indicates is that some people may not want to have that and those people should not be punished for lifestyle choices that cause no apparent harm.

Mr.Rishi, please never blame someone elses’ parents. Is this what ur tamil cultured parents taught u..u r only allowed to do this if u and ur siblings were brought up in the west meaning from childhood by ur parents and every one in ur family follows the tamil culture not just being a virgin till marriage which anyone can do and almost every other culture in Asia still follows. Tamilizns are one of the fastest to change their culture and be impressed with another once they strt to mix around….culture shock we say.if u r still in ur mother lanf then its because u havent had a chance to leave if not u will be the first to hop in the plane n get urself out of there…

Hi,
I am not a Tamil man, but I lived in Tamil Nadu for quiet sometime. Can you please post comments in English, so that we can also read..
Btw, Nice work @Niveda Anandan. I believe people perceive things based on how they grew up . You are a psychology student, So you may know better about that and to bring about the change that you are talking, we should bring about a change in the popular opinion, which is regarded as the opinion of the society. The problem here is that our society is more or less static and we don’t accept change that easily, which is reflected in our history, where people called modern thinkers of their times as freaks, who may later have turned out to be correct (the thinkers).
In my opinion, There are two kinds of perceptions of an issue while one turns out to be called popular opinion the other is called dissent. I think you are expressing your dissent. Let me quote the words of chief justice Hughes here, which btw he said in the case of judiciary and i quote,
“A dissent is an appeal to the brooding spirit of the law, to the intelligence of a future day, when a later decision may possibly correct the error into which the dissenting Judge believes the court to have been betrayed”
I’d like to generalize this and say that your dissent is an appeal to the intelligence of a future day, when the community may realize and correct the error into which the dissenting person(you) thinks it to have been betrayed.

RishiKesan
How very typical Nandri, you prove every word written by Niveda about Tamil men, but thankfully many men don’t endorse youyr views anymore, thank God.
Kudos to Niveda for expressing the views shared by a majority of the girls, Tamil or otherwise.
SHAME ON YOU RISHIKESHAN, you are a disgrace to manhood.
Ranjani

RishiKesan You’re a dumbass. What the author is trying to say is that, if an adult chooses to sleep with someone or even more than one, it is their personal choice and you have no business judging them. You don’t wana sleep around? Don’t. But because you don’t, can we call you impotent? No. Similarly.. You get the point.

RishiKesan ask urself if u r a virgin at this point of time!!even players or anyone like that do hv feelings as other women do!!tis shows how good u judge a women!so dont blame the author for writing things which make men guilty like this!

RishiKesan if a guys goes goofing around it is perfectly right and if a women does it is perfectly wrong..and for ur info there men prostitutes and players as u mentioned earlier…so sex is just a reason for guys to say a women is bad!!if men didnt want sex why did prostitutes and players come in society so think before u talk

HI Niveda,
Read through your write up, I am speechless, I can relate to too many things which you have written, have seen and have heard and not to be too generous on myself but have commented too. You are right in every word and hope for a better change. cheers. keep writing

RishiKesan bro, I totally agree with you, very noble great thoughts you have. I admit it. Lets do 1 thing, u don’t ever touch n see any girl, whenever you feel like doing, fondle with yourself. Start this fight against everyone around, atleast no other girl has to face your great thinking. woh sab ladkiyan apki badi soch se vanchhit rahein, issi mein unki bhalai hai(its better if they dont get in touch with so great thoughts). Also, u will be in great health

whether the person is Tamil or French, whether he is an Indian or American, who should not expect her wife like Sita devi, he is the real man, men should try to be Sri Ram & the women should try to be a Sita devi, this was the epic says, we should not expect others to be…more over Hindu dharma says we don’t have any rights to our body itselfs, the self have to be a witness over body instead of owning it, how we can expect or forcing our partners body as per the as per the above statement… swami chiayanada saying “the real joy is enjoying without possess” in this statement we can realize the actuals (how we enjoy nature Eg., water falls, sea plane, dence forest, mountain, snow, rain) this is called the real enjoyment…but we having problem with understanding…so everyone must understand & realize for these difference of both the secuality instead of blaming others…. hope everyone will understand my illiterate English…thx

Damn! You Nailed It… I completely accept it… Virginity is not the Measurement of a Character for Women. But on the other side Truthfulness after a committed Relationship
(Marriage) is also needed up to an extent, provided HE/SHE is also Truthful. Other than that everything you said is Immovably Right & Perfect.

I am glad there are girls like you who come out and say this. Although, you have been specific to tamil community, I think this a problem with the entire Indian psyche as such. Hope your article gives other girls courage to speak their mind.

RishiKesan YoungTamilMan An intelligent and independent women can lose virginity if she wants to have the pleasure or fun, just like boys do have. Her message is just simple. Why boys/men have all fun? why not us at that age? Don’t name us “not marriage material” just because we have fun like guys. When humans (both men and women) attain puberty, its common to have the erotic or sexual feelings. When boy does that, it does not affect his marriage but when a girl does it does affects her marriage.

RishiKesan Sir, virginity isn’t as important to a woman as it is to a man. Moreover, losing it does not change a person’s perception of a relationship. I find it rather hilarious that you think sex isn’t special after losing one’s virginity. Also, your very poorly-drawn conclusion that one’s intelligence and “mental purity” is linked to one’s virginity. According to your hypothesis, many great artists and writers were unintelligent and impure because they weren’t married when they lost their virginity. Also, for most of us, our parents taught us to be free-thinking individuals who accept different perspectives without questioning someone’s upbringing. Please think your arguments through with a little rationality the next time you make them.

Kudos great article, progressive thinking. My point is men and women would like to have sex at any point of their life and nobody else has any say over it(even after marriage). Leave alone men how many women are willing to accept this?
Once sex is there in the equation, men will accept anything because they think they gain the most out of the relationship but they don’t. No women in Indian school/college/office are willing to have sex, god knows why they don’t? They don’t even kiss or hug. India is not America or Europe.

Statistically speaking Free society will be nice and good where anyone can have sex with anyone because when things are one to one, men lose out on the basis of population.
For me, I would like to have sex with many women, enjoy the fine arts and roman architecture. So I want you to preach Indian women that they should just have sex for the sake of having sex not compel us into any relationships. So Please Produce this Europe equivalent culture in India.
Vanakkam from Chennai.

‘Yet regardless of the culture, this is a conversation that should not be happening. Especially not in this day and age.’
So you mean to say that losing virginity before marriage is commendable in this day and age? Do you tend to associate modernity with the loss of virginity before marriage?
‘There seems to be a flawed assumption somewhere in the depths of our patriarchal culture that the ideal woman should be angelic and innocent, blushing at the mere mention of words like “sex” or “penis”. Sometimes, when my anger doesn’t blind me, I kind of empathize with you.’
You talk about flawed assumptions. So do you intend to say women should jump with excitement with the mere mention of words like ‘sex’ or ‘penis’? If blushing with the mention of such words, or being innocent and angelic are not idealistic, then what do you think are the idealistic traits in a women? And what do you think is a ‘proper’ assumption?
‘It probably didn’t because the idea of sexual purity has become the measuring stick for assessing good character in Tamil women.’
So according to you, having sex a number of times with a number of men does not in any way breach the character of a woman, is it? A woman going wild with the idea of getting laid, irrespective of with whoever it is does not in any way paint a black mark on her character? Seriously? Would you raise your children that way?
‘Yet this is not the case for Tamil men. Let’s be honest – Tamil men get to have full sexual freedom when it comes to dating and hook-ups. And we Tamil women are expected to complacently accept your indiscretions as if it were your right as men to explore and enjoy life, and as if questioning this right is blasphemous.’
Instead of putting forth that Tamil men also need to exercise some discipline in their wavering mindset and try to behave like cultured individuals, you tend to speak about the rights and freedom of women and seem to encourage crossing one’s own sexual limitations and explore more sexually. Okay; crossing sexual limitations and explorations; but with whom? A single loyal partner or a number of random men? Your statements appear to support the idea of developing an element of lust that is so unstoppable, that we start to behave like animals.
‘We are not objects to be judged as “easy” or “used” and are disgusted that you would even use these terms to describe us.’
‘Easy’ or ‘used’ are the words used to describe an individual (either a male or a female) who does not have the ability to control his/her mind, but allows his/her mind to take control over him. If one does not have a control on whom to have sex with, is focused only on the pleasure one gets out of the act and does not bother about the number of people he/she sleeps with, then they would pretty much be termed as objects; because objects don’t have minds; which is the same as being unable to control one’s own mind.
I strongly believe that marriage gives one the right to physical intimacy. Does this sound old fashioned? Well, animals have sex and they don’t have the concept of marriage. Now don’t say animals are modern beings. That sounds terribly old fashioned!

P.S: Neither am I against sex nor gender equality. I am a strong supporter of equality between men and women and I view sex not just as an act of mere pleasure, but also as a responsibility. And most importantly, I am more concerned about the civilized behaviours of human beings, and am against the transformation of human mindset into that of an animal, in some domains.
If you really believe in what you have written, and think that your statements make sense, then I dare you to give me a fitting reply to my statements above.
My email ID : raviteja_2693@yahoo.com

Kudos great article, progressive thinking. Men and women would like to have sex at any point of their life and nobody else has any say over it (even after marriage). Leave alone men, how many women are willing to accept this?
Once sex is there in the equation, men will accept anything because men think they gain the most out of the relationship but they don’t. No Women in India are not willing to have sex during school/college/office. They are not passionate about sex. They always don’t find men attractive enough. I think they just stop with fantasizing about salman khan or Brad Pitt. They come with the social bent of mind that having sex before marriage and sex with others after marriage is wrong. Indian women are not as progressive as you think they are.
In India, free society where men and women can have sex with anyone will actually turn out advantageous(yay! :P) for men. Statistically speaking in monogamy, We are losing out on the basis of population.

For me, I would like to have sex and enjoy fine arts. But Indian Women are not helping to fulfill my dream. So please preach Indian women to have sex just for having sex and not compel us into any relationships. Please create a Europe equivalent culture in India. And stop writing letters to Indian Men and change Indian women for god sake. Men will change in a blink of an eye(you know what I mean).
Vanakkam from Chennai.

Ur last statement is exactly where I concluded (albeit in a different way) – liberation is when people can do what they wish to do and what they ‘perceive’ as ok for them. Again, u have the right to your views and no one is asking you to ascribe to the authors comments. Ina similar fashion, no one is asking u to accept or applaud. Again,, one shouldn’t hav to care as long as it’s within laws of a land.. FYI- freedom to choose your sexual partners is liberation. For you, being sexually active outside marriage is a trap and for others it’s not. Also, not all people are Christians. Parroting ms Gresh’ comments abt women feeling worthless ain’t helping. Having worked on the board of some very large non profit orgs myself, I can vouch that it goes both ways. One can feel empowered or one could feel deprived bcos of their choices. Being sexually active does not make one any less successful. Also, am not sure where you get ur facts when u say all abstinent men and women or virgin women find peace and love and stability(again, Christian magazines ?). There are countless couples who live together , not married, have stable relationships and raise a good family. Oh btw, sex is not a vice, drugs are. So May want to make an even comparison. Prostitution is a vice, sex outside marriage is not. Also, freedom does Not come with IFs and BUTs as long as u r doing things within the law of the land. The real problem are certain social workers trying to push their ‘moral’ personal agenda into the equation

I respect you. But lemme get this straight. Don’t you try to correct us. Its individual wish to engage in sex or be a sita. And its the individuals wish to expect a horny gal or a sita. prefer the right guy and not poke at the wrong guy or quoting the above as a wrong opinion. And I look for a honest woman and not a virgin. By being honest, we don’t expect you to reveal ur past histories. We are maturing at the same rate as you.
Indians wrote kamasutra and the word ‘sex’ is not anywhere hindered inside the Indian society. Ramans & horny or the vice versa will never work out. Let one comment and get the girl he wants. And you will get the right guy you want. Of course I don’t wanna comment about good factors that we look for and is prevalent there in tamil womens coz it would deviate the topic!

First, Let me list some of your views which are neither representative nor factual, but are just spun out of the skewed, biased, stereotypical perception you have about men and society. You are free there-on to scrutinize my judgement or look within to find any flaws in your perception.
“… this is a conversation that occurs frequently within the Tamil community.”
“Let’s be honest – Tamil men get to have full sexual freedom when it comes to dating and hook-ups.”
Having said that, I do agree that we have culturally given more emphasis to premarital sexual discipline. But that discipline is gender neutral! But when you try to skew the argument in favor of getting a free run for premarital sex, I strongly object. It is my opinion that, majority of Tamil Men stay virgin till marriage by CHOICE!
Hence I believe that the change you are hoping for, should not be: women who have active premarital sex life should be viewed on par with women who are not.
Instead it should be, both men and women should be judged by the values behind their decisions rather than based on only the decisions

Dear author, i will give u some important information since u seem to be a great women’s activist..

let me tell you.. Indian people generally think that our ancient culture is very ethical,moral and to be respected. While tat s somewhat true. there has always been a dark evil side to our culture.. its always been patriarchal..the upper caste hindu men always wanted power in their hands and kept women serving them…

chastity, servitude to men has always been their expectations from women, which is very much contradictory to the PREHISTORIC indian culture, which was matriarchal, which had women as poets,warriors and in every important field.. the advent of hinduism and later Islam pushed our society into such pathetic male dominated state…

Further, the colonial rule forced the Queen’s conservative culture to be prevailed in india joining hand in hand with the upper class indians..

In PREHISTORIC India ,sex was not a taboo.. Our ancient literature like Sangam literature talk of love both legal and illicit.. it talks of sex…. It says women fought in wars.. ter were queens independently rulng wihtout kings.. etc…

Later times, the hindus themselves destroyed Godess temples, devi statues and they even found male partners for godesses and put Gods in the light.. Otherwise, Our prehistoric culture itself was like women were worshipped, language, motherland,rivers everything was named feminine..

krishvijay RishiKesan typical elitist comment…your comment is based on flawed assumption that your views on life and sex are right,and his are wrong….if he was being judgemental…what the f have u been? Rmbr you aren’t the voice of society!when you have a view on issues,someone else can aswell…

RanjaniMadan RishiKesan hahaha sometimes truth hurts Ranjani madam what to do. many men dont endorse them because “most” of the men are players …just because they fell into dirty doesnt mean i have to too right?….but there are many good guys too. 🙂 but please before u go explain hw i am disgrace to manhood thank u.

himanshum RishiKesan i havent given any chance? were u with me all my years ? In canada on “average” young men and women are having 4-7 (sexual relationship) partners before marriage its a stats. so having 4-7 partners is called LOVING ah good joke bro .

“Sex is not a bad thing as long as it is consensual and safe.” isnt this what our Kushboo madam once told. haha too bad u dont have statue . its pretty clear ur one of those player. and what made u angry was that i called player s like u as pig. because u guys really are . truth hurts bro.

RaviTejaTadimalla she has said clearly that it should depend on the woman to have the right to choose to become a sita or not. if you don’t like it then don’t engage in anything you don’t want. who gives you the right to judge society according to how women behave. they have minds of their own you know.

First of all,for a country which gave the world,the sex manual,the biggest thing that we have to show for it is our population.Pretty sad really.
Ms.Niveda makes some extremely valid points.The convo described at the beginning is actually spot on in some aspects. Chastity gets an unnecessarily wide berth is our society. The Padaiyyapa bit would increase hit count for the site as well.Well played However,it becomes more of a rant towards the end.
“There are many sexually promiscuous women who are also intelligent, charitable, kind, empathetic and many other positive traits”
What exactly is this supposed to convey ? Being sexually active and engaging in casual(random ?!) sex are the same thing ?
Also,in general,this ‘open letter’ could have been addressed to ‘Tamil People’ . I mean,if you choose 10 random household across Tamil Nadu & ask the Fathers,Mothers & grandparents whether promiscuity/sex before marriage is OK with them & if they would be ok with their son/daughter marrying a sexually active individual.
Pretty sure half them wouldn’t even go on record with their answers. Things are beginning to look up however & the current generation is possibly the most open minded of the lot.Give us some credit will you ?

RishiKesan where are you diverting now. you are talking about indians, tamils or your canada.. I talked about gandhi, GB road, nagpur, kolkata. all belongs to india and the indian mentality. I haven’t got a chance to talk to canadians. I am deeply sorry, but that doesnt prove ur chauvinism to be correct. If you feel somewhat inferior to them or some superiority complex with those people, kindly dont vomit over here.

Nice post!!.. i found myself smiling coz .. there was this gang of guys in school.. my classmates.. one day they were talking trash of a girl from our class.. i was curious and i asked y… the leader of the group is like … “oru ponnu oruthan kitta pesna parvaala… all boys’oda pesara”.. this was his justification… I just said “oh” and walked away.. 😀 😀 :D.. she is actually nice girl.. charming infact.. though i dont know her personally…i do know few friends and friends of friends who had actually dated her etc.. nobody said anything bad about her… I hate them stereotypes.

Did men say anything when the women called them rapists? Why is that women always portray men is all possible bad ways? Can you show me a single article where a man wrote about the women?
Is this a fashion now? I feel bad for Tamil girls…

The sexual roles of men and women and for that matter the male and female of any species are not identical. There is always asymmetry in the way that gender-based behavioral traits have evolved and for good reason. It is wrong to assume that sexual promiscuity observed in the male is either “good” or “bad” (and by extension can or cannot be emulated in the opposite sex), but observation will tell you that since before the human-defined institution of “marriage” there was a dearth of good mates and males had to prove their strengths in order to ensure genetic continuity. Evolution directed that a male protect his female from having sexual intercourse with a different male immediately post or close to copulation to reduce the chances that in fact it would not be his sperm which would fertilize her egg. This led to behavioral conditioning on the part of the female, which is observed in her being selective in who she mates with. Consider modern emancipated humans: males can no longer completely enforce this conditioning, but depend on his mates selectivity to ensure that she remains faithful to him. If this selectivity is lost, he has no control (and consequently interest) in that partner, which is how I observe the dialogue in the article playing out. In my view, it is a very good thing that the female has increased control over her partners, as I see it reducing the roles of opportunistic males and increasing the scope of her decision to select a long term mate to a more reasonable time-frame – a.k.a, making a better decision.

Several men on this thread have asked: will any Tamil man actually want to marry a non-virgin? I certainly don’t care if my future wife is a virgin, and I know several Tamil men who feel the same way.
In fact, I think that men who ask this question should realize that Tamil women are asking themselves a similar question: do I really want to be with a man who puts “virgin” at the top of his checklist? An increasing amount of women are saying “NO, because they want a man with some level of intellectual courage and capacity, not some sheep who blindly follows what his “ancestors” did.

underwaterjazz I agree with you and think this is an insightful post. The tendency for men to prefer selective women might very well have its basis in evolution, and there’s some evidence for that. However, I think it’s important to be mindful not to commit a “naturalistic fallacy”: the belief that something is “right” because it’s “natural” (i.e., rooted in evolution). I don’t think you’re committing that fallacy yourself, as you do seem to support greater sexual freedom for women in spite of men’s evolved preferences for selec

Dear Niveda,
May I suggest to replace the words “promiscuous” and “chaste” in your last paragraph with the words “sexually active” and “celibate” (just one suggestion, perhaps other readers can make better suggestions)? I believe promiscuity and chastity are really value-judgements that hark back to the puritanical leanings of the Victorian Era. In my mind, sexuality is more like a colorful spectrum, with asexuality on one end and sexually active on the other. Then there is the matter of the numbers of partners. So now we have another spectrum with monogamy on the one end, and polygamy on the other (and I am not even talking about marriage here – just the zoological definition of having more than one sexual partner). Then there is the matter of sex in the context of longer-term loving/romantic relationships with mono-amory (is there such a word?) on the one end, and polyamory (having several partners one relates to) on the other. So you see, human sexuality is so very complex and rich. To reduce the beautifully life-enhancing and enriching, very remarkable phenomena of human sexuality (that took millions of years of evolution) to a black and white prison of value judgements is such a pity.
AND (not done yet!) having said that, I would like to add that women are just as capable of being sexually active, polygamous, and may be even polyamorous, as men (shocker!!!). Having lived in the Bay Area of San Francisco, I have been privileged to meet such women, free of traditional cultural trappings, who are experimenting and discovering for themselves what they enjoy the most in the realm of human sexuality. AND… It takes (at least!) two to tango baby. There is no “promiscuous” woman without a man to enable that behavior.
Having said that, I want to thank you for your courage for openly expressing your views. Your article has shed a little more light on the matter of female sexuality (that was always held suspect by men over the ages because it seemed to be such a devilish, uncontrollable thing) and I hope that it will help broaden the perspective of (Tamil) men everywhere. – A Tamil woman who would currently describe herself as bisexual, monogamous, and mono-amorous

I’m Tamil and so are most of my friends.All of us are feminists and haven’t bad mouthed women (except their driving :P).If this is what you’ve heard from Tamil guys, you must have the saddest social life.If you date/befriend narrow minded idiots, they will bad mouth you once things between you get sour.If you thing stories and movies degrading women are the reason some behave as such, you’re dumb.How many times have you seen the hero grope women or rape them? The ill treatment of women is committed by men who have had a family that treats women very bad or problems with women that have evolved into hatred.I’m impressed by your article though, I’ve never seen someone think they’re open minded and make narrow minded comments that made them look like a complete idiot.

as evident, the article has huge potholes akin to chennai roads, mainly due to poorly constructed argument. The idea and intention though are laudable, it would have served the point better had the article dwelled much deeper into the psychology and practicality of the point instead of playing to the gallery by repeating popular opinion. At best this can only be considered as an incoherent venting of an angry woman frustrated over the negative part of the society.

Also, one cannot ignore the fact that sex is a form of engagement between individuals (that can have consequences). It is a form of relating, and not a mere action that takes place between subject-doer (man) and object-passive receiver (woman). With relating comes the need for communication between the individuals involved. All sexual relations (between individuals, not subject-object) mandate dialogue that would also involve some negotiating (important for discerning boundaries). Communication between the individuals wishing to engage sexually (in whatever capacity)… is the key distinguishing factor between blind mating and conscious relating.

YoungTamilMan sounds like you are too ugly for toronto tamil community to even have a conversation with. wanting to stay virgin is very common? it’s also very common that narrow minds like you are stupid. 😀

tuxedomask26 NavieNaidu YoungTamilMan Yeah, let’s not make this thread sound like a YouTube comments section.
This article clearly touches an important topic in our culture, and it seems like it has really struck a chord with many people — so we owe it to ourselves to think about it like intelligent people.

SaidapettaKokku tuxedomask26 Opinion_Puli Anjali008 Food4Thought YoungTamilMan Saidapet, thats a thridwave feminist stance. First men control us, second we can be whatever we want. Okay fine. When that doesn’t work out, change gender roles. Agreed. Now that still backfires.. What should we do? Castrated men? Feminism is a cult

YoungTamilManbro ungalukku periya mansu if ur player obviously u cant expect a virgin wife either lets be honest majority of the men and women before 25 have lost their virginity (stats says so ).
//do I really want to be with a man who puts “virgin” at the top of his checklist? An increasing amount of women are saying “NO// ofcourse they would say no because they are not virgin either… duh

himanshum RishiKesan if ur not in canada why in the first place ur replying to my comment because u have no idea whats taking place..dont compare india with Canada. two complete different environment ur intelligent is shown here very clearly. thanks for the reply.

tuxedomask26 prasatheshwar And although the Gupta period was called the Golden period it was the most oppressing period for women. There was a time in Ancient India that the Indian economy was based on prostitution.
So whats so amazing about these informations?????????
Niveda your writing is so shallow and even worse its not your own ideas. Your ideas are so cliche. Don’t take the comments of some under read or unread guys seriously and think they really appreciate your writing.

chicagoan1982 Hi
you tell me sex before marriage may not be fine for me but fine for others.
You seem to say all things depend on what works for one may not work for another.

Then why is that you differentiate prostitution and drugs as VICE?????
Ask someone else for them it may be right. Then would you accept it or even do it????
In
fact take your own statement that freedom must be subject to law- well
prostitution and drugs is even regulated and encouraged by countries as
they support their economy. Would it make it right mam/sir?

As much as you try to make your arguments sound coherent they suffer from lack of consistency.
Your statements clearly contradict your other statements.
I believe not everything is

And
whether its from the bible or Mahabartha or the thirukural, how does it
matter? Cause you just won’t accept it. But I do understand you are
ready for whatever consequences you may face.
And about your view
on people living happily without marriage. Yeah its possible . But
marriage is the real deal. If you love someone enough why not marry
them? Unless you are scarred or worried that person make not be the one.
In that case its just 2 people fooling one another.
Will there
be a difference between what a tenant treats a house and an owner treats
a house. Thats the difference between being married and being in a live
in. You will only give your all if you know that person is yours and
you know you are his/ her. But again if people are fine with being in a
tenant house relationship rather than owner house relationship, thats
cool too I guess!!! Again I am not making marriage as a ownership and
blah blah blah patriarchy. Just trying to give an example please take it
at that.

I do respect you for your views on
Marital rape I think you are someone who has real concern from women.
Good luck with your endeavors.

Awesome article.It’s obviously hit a lot of people’s nerves.I noticed that many of comments were from people who denied that such stereotypes exist seemed to reinforce the stereotype with fervent denial.And yes,I have always felt that sexual freedom is a personal right and as natural as breathing.Morality for me is linked to the idea of fairness and justice more than the idea of chastity.Whether you wish to experiment sexually is upto each individual and their own personal right.I have lived in Chennai and have noticed this behaviour a lot among tamil men.

Look Modernization & Westernization are not synonyms !! All the so-called liberties you admire are the result of American Capitalist cultural hegemony.
Yes, Women do get sexual urge but you must know to handle it(applies to men also), perhaps that is why Man is endowed with 6th sense. we aren’t Dogs to mate in the daylight at the very instant of sexual urge. Again SEX is not the sole objective of teenage, this stupid, immature article enlights SEX as epitome of feminist liberty & teenage right.
You get embarrassed if other man terms you as USED, do you think that- the man with whom you have sex-just sex- have respect for you??
Epics like Ramayan are not Chetan Bhagat’s novel to be understood simply as given, they have to be interpreted with proper understanding of socio-economic-political standards of that particular period. If rightly interpreted, Sita immolation episode speaks the qualities of a “King & his Subjects” & not a “Man& his Wife”. perhaps Ramayan was written for the King and not for people. So your SITA template exhibits your Half-Baked understanding of Tamil/Indian/Hindu culture. So when you are about to criticize a culture, you must extensively study & live in that culture to differentiate the pros and cons. You cant apply Canadian or American standards in Asia, to study Asia you must use the Scale calibrated with Asian culture.
Every women has her own conception of her liberty. If according to you sleeping with men is the ultimate liberation, its your conception of liberty, likewise Arab women wearing Burqa, Indian women donning Mangalsutra are their own conception of liberty & by moral subsidence to their culture.
Miss.Niveda, Please do analyze and research before writing something.

purnimaukr RaviTejaTadimalla No. I don’t judge a woman on the basis of virginity. I am only against the idea that losing virginity before marriage has got nothing to do with morals. If you still disagree with me, then I would like to help you out and enlighten you.
Contact me.

YoungTamilMan You certainly don’t care if your future wife is a virgin? Nice. Talking from your own point of view, I would like to ask where you would want your wife to stay after marriage; would you like her to stay with you, or don’t mind sending her to some brothel once a week?
Because anyway, you are not going to mind with whom your wife shares the bed, until she does the same with you! 😀

seanpaul000able So, you decided to make this a completely different thing from the written article?
The article is about not judging women on their sexual behaviors. Men and Women both get horny, it’s natural and normal.
There are plenty of men that can’t separate their feelings from sex either. That’s not something you can say is an women only issue.

“No smart men would get into a relationship with promiscuous women who enjoyed their hey days and want some poor sucker once they get older.”
I agree but no smart woman would want a man like that either.
The idea is to be EQUALS.

just outta curiosity … how respectful is it for a guy or gal to be with someone just for sex ? Is there any respect in it for either party ? How would any of you supporting “sexual liberation” (be it a guy or gal) view the same aspect if you out your family member in the same position ??? I do not say Virgins are the types to marry, but I hope you get what am tryng to say … so why is visiting a prostitute such a stigma even in the so called evolved or modernized or liberated cultures as you call them ????

anady Ummmm there is a difference between visiting a prostitute and having consensual sex with a partner… Paying for sex is demeaning and to a huge extent exploitative and thus a stigma while on the other hand having an intimate relationship with a consenting adult, is a choice one makes…
It would be wrong to mix both and wrong to even compare the two situations…

ISmplyLveMakeUp anady – a prostitute is in it for profit and the person visiting is in it for pleasure … both are in a win win situation so its still wrong ? so paying for sex is demeaning while just having sex isn’t ? isn’t the prostitute sleeping with the party visiting with consent ?now do not get me wrong in this, let me one society where a son or daughter can tell his/her parents that they are just goin to sleep with someone and its acceptable ?? being in love with someone and sleeping with them is totally normal i’d never complain about it … but how can sleeping with some for pleasure be acceptable ?

anady Yes it was! However you somehow felt the need to bring up prostitution and the stigma attached to it disregarding the context… So really. there is no point taking the whole discussion any further and trying to force each other to agree with either side of the POV however warped it may seem to the other 🙂

ISmplyLveMakeUp anady hahahhaha … am no way saying prostitution is rite or acceptable … am just saying that the whole concept of sexual liberation is wrongly understood. and you are rite … no point forcing each other’s POV on another 😉 cheers 🙂

ShankarDNair I totally agree with the author. chastity and virginity are over-rated – as much as promiscuity is over-rated in guys. All these are conveniently misused by the patriarchal man..
And please dont give this cr*p about capitalist cultural hegemony.. if you think and blame promiscuity on westerners, you clearly have been living like a frog in a deep well!!!

I agree.. chastity and virginity are over-rated – as much as promiscuity is over-rated in guys. All these are conveniently misused by the patriarchal man… but there is a difference between being sexually active and promiscuity, right? is there a feminine version of ‘casanova’? -> a ‘casanovi’, maybe?!
One e.g. I can think of is Cleopatra.. but that is egyptian civilization… and the romans had their orgies.. none survived, though not entirely due to their sexual nature… Lets see how long our lopsided Indian/ Tamil chastity survives!!

ShankarDNair – just one small correction: “we aren’t Dogs to mate in the daylight at the very instant of sexual urge” – No organism except human beings have sex for recreation. Dogs or other animals don’t mate whenever they want. They mate when they have their instincts tell them it is time to reproduce (through various means such as the female counterpart sends out scent signals that she is ready for reproduction for example).
So, even before talking about chastity we need to understand what is meant by “sex”. Let us focus more on human beings. Man has a natural instinct called hunger that is induced by the body when it needs food / energy. The entry point is mouth and the mouth is given the recreational part which is the tongue that enjoys good food and spits out bad food. Eventually over a period of time, instead of satisfying the needs of the instinct which is hunger, man starts doing things to satisfy the tongue that is eat whatever he likes and whenever he thinks rather than respecting the health of the body. Similarly, sex is a natural instinct given to us to make good progenies and the organs involved do have the recreational nature. But over a period of time, the human mind yields to the recreational part rather than understanding that it is the instinct that must be satisfied and not the recreational senses.
A person who eats whatever he likes and whenever instead of respecting the hunger routine and instincts of a body is no different from a person who goes to a prostitute to satisfy his urge.
Unless we come out of the recreational illusions which only ends us in turmoil, it makes no sense to discuss anything on this topic as all sorts of discussions are subjective basis the individual’s sensory taste and meaningless.
Chastity in women is important from a reproduction perspective. Human beings are patriarchichal by nature according to bio-architecture. Their gene is transferred by the male members. Women give the space and materials for the child that make up the child’s body. The key genetic traits are inherited from the male. Though such a space and material is provided by the woman, she also undergoes genetic transformation in due course that is induced by the transfer of the vital liquid by man. When she has intercourse with multiple male members, her genetic transformation is mixed up too much that results in non-standard progenies in terms of behaviours and traits. For men, irrespective of how many women they mate with, their genes are undisturbed. This was the reason why chastity was given more importance in those days for women in particular, in order to ensure no retards are born who spoil the society. Today, it is all mixed up. People write articles such as the present one without understanding the genetic science, bio-architecture and others and simply vomit the contents of their immature brains for few likes and +1s and some popularity that only misleads the youth more and more. I don’t mean to say the views of the men of the present society are right either. It is the entire society that needs an awareness on this subject and we should stop making stupid and baseless propagandas that happen through the media, cinema and other purely unethical and lucrative industries on such subjects.

lakshmisocial ShankarDNair – As a geneticist, biologist and a scientist, your words make me roll my eyes. Please stop making scientific claims which are not scientific but ignorant and sexist remarks,
Key genetic traits come from the male? Please, scientists will rise from the graves and kill themselves again on hearing this. Please read up on genetics before making such statements. If anybody influences more it will be the woman (due to mitochondrial DNA which comes from the female cells and epigenetics – due to the environment in the womb & the mother influencing the gene expression & repression)
Genetic transformation? Are we bacteria or humans?
Please stop making ignorant and stupid statements

Geneticist Read upon what genetics? The immature text books that you get in your academic libraries? Your knowledge basis those will sound as stupid and ignorant to me who has a thorough knowledge of genetics based on Vedic science as my post would, for you given your background. All the western researches on the DNAs and genetics are still on kinder garden phase with every newbie doing a PhD disproving the earlier ones. Chill dear!!!

This is ridiculous. Utterly. I really would like people to reconsider even beggining to read this. This takes generalization and the idea of victimzation to a whole-nother level. The ideal that people hold in their mind apply equally to men and women. The ideals that live in this generation cannot be ascribed to certain individuals. An inane waste of about 5 minutes.
Moving on, there are a couple of relevent points. The idea of purity being an inherently desirable commodity descending from mythological archetypes has been bounced around a fair bit, and there is some relevence to that singular grain of an idea. Kudos to you.

Comrade
Kim Il Sung did mention a few wise words about puritanical cultures. In
a culture, you run into puritanism when there is no sense of economic,
national, political, military, scientific- or any kind of
accomplishment.
People usually don’t like
feeling like dingbats who didn’t accomplish anything in life. So as a
collective, they band together and start microscoping things like
“morals”, “values” and “culture.”
A
culture embracing puritanism as a core issue is a humiliated culture.
And humiliation comes out of non accomplishment. Tamil Nadu culture and
Indian culture is sort of like an IAS officer’s son who fails to get a
college degree, fails in business life, fails to make a dent in sports,
and fails all around.
The
author, Niveda Anandan, is hoping for a change and I AM HOPING FOR A
CHANGE TOO, but u won’t get a change unless this hangover of non
performance goes.
Vietnam
is a “traditional” culture but today, people don’t care much about
virginity. Not because Ho Chi Minh did some magic, but because they
accomplished a lot nationally. They defeated the USA and SEATO
militarily, single handed, this was a great accomplishment. And today,
despite being ravaged by a brutal war, they are in a position to give
China a run for the money in terms of being the world’s export factory.
China
is so close to India but people there don’t attach too much importance
towards virginity either. This is because the Chinese came from being a
strife torn nation to being the second biggest economy in the world
today. They are creditors to the US. The were nowhere on the Olympics
scene and today, they are top Olympic contenders. Scientifically, they
are prepped up to launch a Mars mission within 2020.
Whereas
if u look at Cambodia, and Lao, although they’re very near to Vietnam
and China, people still attach a lot of importance to things like
“morals” and “virginity.” Because they didn’t accomplish much nationally
in any sphere.
Wise
Comrade Kim Il Sung stated that as you accomplish more as a society,
you tend to focus more on those accomplishments, and not so much on
things that don’t physically exist like “morals” and “norms.”

Thanks for correcting. My apologies for the ignorance on the spelling of KG.

Immature textbook is the one that contains materials that come out of the knowledge that is not complete. If a bunch of scientists sit in a lab and do some tests on rats, monkeys and frogs and publish results basis that and declare their discoveries to be applicable for men and publish a book out of that those are the immature textbooks. Time and again such books have been disproved by the very successors of the authors of the same.
The present day Academic library is the one that contains such stupid books and hence I qualified the Academic library with the “your” word meaning the modern day academics.
The knowledge of Vedas does not come from an academy and hence Vedas are not academic.
My source of Vedic science is the scriptures.

YoungTamilMan “some level of intellectual courage and capacity, not some sheep who blindly follows what his “ancestors” did” – so, why did you follow your parents when you were a baby, why you didn’t do things your own way? Forget ancestors, are not you doing blindly what the scientists say without even having the capacity to even understand what crap they talk about?

lakshmisocial
I find it truly funny that you say this. Weren’t you the one blindly following Vedic scriptures? I mean, are you a scientist who has personally proven that the facts in the Vedas are true? Sheesh.

Great sentiment! But I agree with another commenter here who said you could reconsider your choice of words. “Promiscuous” should probably be replaced by “sexually active”. Being promiscuous isn’t a good idea whatever gender you are, if only considering the risk of disease, and the word only seems to inflame our moral police friends, those fine men and women who safeguard our culture and have all the answers.
The double standard is infuriating to any woman with any intelligence – and by intelligence I mean the ability to think for yourself, not your fricking percentage in high school. Women are humans too – shocker! – and have the same urges and desires, so I don’t see why men have a free pass and women should be the ones exerting all the self control.
Thankfully, the pool of those patriarchal idiots is getting smaller, if only infinitesimally.
I think another commenter may have mentioned this too: it’s like food. Now that survival is not the issue, and food is available in abundance, you sample a few cuisines, you taste junk food, you may over-indulge, but eventually if you’re even a little smart, you figure out what’s good for you and stick to it. No blames you for dining out occasionally, do they? Go forth and eat, my children.

lakshmisocial Please don’t go out too much when it’s sunny. Your brain is pretty fried already!!! What you say is almost as absurd as the belief that bearing a girl child is the woman’s fault!!! Men do not contribute more “genes” to the embryo… in fact women contribute the extra “mitochondrial DNA” and if anything it’s the woman’s body that more or less controls the epigenetic changes that occur in the DNA.

It was said educate a man and you just educate him but educate a woman and you educate a whole family. I believe a educating a woman leads to educating generations to come.

Niveda’s writing lacks insight for someone educated. And she sure is passing on some shallow values.

Every reader who wishes to agree with Nivedha’s writing seems to reject views coming from philosophy, religion, common sense, science or any other feild for that matter.
Like Nivedha says everyone has the right to chose what they want to be. Have sex before marriage or whatever it may be. But every choice has a consequence. Here is the story of the VICTIM of someone whose mother held similar beliefs like Nivedha.
Feminism was suppose to make the lives of women better but does it really do that?
HOW MY MOTHER”S FANATICAL FEMINIST VIEWS TORE US APARThttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021293/How-mothers-fanatical-feminist-views-tore-apart-daughter-The-Color-Purple-author.html

She’s revered as a
trail-blazing feminist and author Alice Walker touched the lives of a
generation of women. A champion of women’s rights, she has always argued
that motherhood is a form of servitude. But one woman didn’t buy in to
Alice’s beliefs – her daughter, Rebecca, 38.

Here
the writer describes what it was like to grow up as the daughter of a
cultural icon, and why she feels so blessed to be the sort of woman
64-year-old Alice despises – a mother.
The other day I
was vacuuming when my son came bounding into the room. ‘Mummy, Mummy,
let me help,’ he cried. His little hands were grabbing me around the
knees and his huge brown eyes were looking up at me. I was overwhelmed
by a huge surge of happiness.
Maternal rift: Rebecca Walker, whose mother was
the feminist author of The Color Purple – who thought motherhood a form
of servitude, is now proud to be a mother herself
I love
the way his head nestles in the crook of my neck. I love the way his
face falls into a mask of eager concentration when I help him learn the
alphabet. But most of all, I simply love hearing his little voice
calling: ‘Mummy, Mummy.’
It reminds me of just how blessed I am.
The truth is that I very nearly missed out on becoming a mother –
thanks to being brought up by a rabid feminist who thought motherhood
was about the worst thing that could happen to a woman.
You see,
my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that
children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood
can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairytale.

Family love? A young Rebecca with her parents
In
fact, having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life.
Far from ‘enslaving’ me, three-and-a-half-year-old Tenzin has opened my
world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so
late – I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far
with no luck.
I was raised to believe that women need men like a
fish needs a bicycle. But I strongly feel children need two parents and
the thought of raising Tenzin without my partner, Glen, 52, would be
terrifying.
As the child of divorced parents, I know only too
well the painful consequences of being brought up in those
circumstances. Feminism has much to answer for denigrating men and
encouraging women to seek independence whatever the cost to their
families.
My mother’s feminist principles coloured every aspect
of my life. As a little girl, I wasn’t even allowed to play with dolls
or stuffed toys in case they brought out a maternal instinct. It was
drummed into me that being a mother, raising children and running a home
were a form of slavery. Having a career, travelling the world and being
independent were what really mattered according to her.
I love
my mother very much, but I haven’t seen her or spoken to her since I
became pregnant. She has never seen my son – her only grandchild. My
crime? Daring to question her ideology.
Well, so be it. My mother
may be revered by women around the world – goodness knows, many even
have shrines to her. But I honestly believe it’s time to puncture the
myth and to reveal what life was really like to grow up as a child of
the feminist revolution.
My parents met and fell in love in
Mississippi during the civil rights movement. Dad [Mel Leventhal], was
the brilliant lawyer son of a Jewish family who had fled the Holocaust.
Mum was the impoverished eighth child of sharecroppers from Georgia.
When they married in 1967, inter-racial weddings were still illegal in
some states.
My early childhood was very happy although my
parents were terribly busy, encouraging me to grow up fast. I was only
one when I was sent off to nursery school. I’m told they even made me
walk down the street to the school.
Alice Walker believed so strongly that children enslaved their mothers she disowned her own daughter
When
I was eight, my parents divorced. From then on I was shuttled between
two worlds – my father’s very conservative, traditional, wealthy,
white suburban community in New York, and my mother’s avant garde
multi-racial community in California. I spent two years with each
parent – a bizarre way of doing things.
Ironically, my mother
regards herself as a hugely maternal woman. Believing that women are
suppressed, she has campaigned for their rights around the world and set
up organisations to aid women abandoned in Africa – offering herself
up as a mother figure.
But, while she has taken care of daughters
all over the world and is hugely revered for her public work and
service, my childhood tells a very different story. I came very low down
in her priorities – after work, political integrity, self-fulfilment,
friendships, spiritual life, fame and travel.
My mother would
always do what she wanted – for example taking off to Greece for two
months in the summer, leaving me with relatives when I was a teenager.
Is that independent, or just plain selfish?
I was 16 when I found
a now-famous poem she wrote comparing me to various calamities that
struck and impeded the lives of other women writers. Virginia Woolf was
mentally ill and the Brontes died prematurely. My mother had me – a
‘delightful distraction’, but a calamity nevertheless. I found that a
huge shock and very upsetting.
According to the strident feminist
ideology of the Seventies, women were sisters first, and my mother
chose to see me as a sister rather than a daughter. From the age of 13, I
spent days at a time alone while my mother retreated to her writing
studio – some 100 miles away. I was left with money to buy my own
meals and lived on a diet of fast food.

A
neighbour, not much older than me, was deputised to look after me. I
never complained. I saw it as my job to protect my mother and never
distract her from her writing. It never crossed my mind to say that I
needed some time and attention from her.
When I was beaten up at
school – accused of being a snob because I had lighter skin than my
black classmates – I always told my mother that everything was fine,
that I had won the fight. I didn’t want to worry her.
But the
truth was I was very lonely and, with my mother’s knowledge, started
having sex at 13. I guess it was a relief for my mother as it meant I
was less demanding. And she felt that being sexually active was
empowering for me because it meant I was in control of my body.
Now
I simply cannot understand how she could have been so permissive. I
barely want my son to leave the house on a play-date, let alone start
sleeping around while barely out of junior school.
A good mother is attentive, sets boundaries and makes the world safe for her child. But my mother did none of those things.
Although
I was on the Pill – something I had arranged at 13, visiting the
doctor with my best friend – I fell pregnant at 14. I organised an
abortion myself. Now I shudder at the memory. I was only a little girl. I
don’t remember my mother being shocked or upset. She tried to be
supportive, accompanying me with her boyfriend.
Although I
believe that an abortion was the right decision for me then, the
aftermath haunted me for decades. It ate away at my self-confidence and,
until I had Tenzin, I was terrified that I’d never be able to have a
baby because of what I had done to the child I had destroyed. For
feminists to say that abortion carries no consequences is simply wrong.
As
a child, I was terribly confused, because while I was being fed a
strong feminist message, I actually yearned for a traditional mother. My
father’s second wife, Judy, was a loving, maternal homemaker with five
children she doted on.
There was always food in the fridge and
she did all the things my mother didn’t, such as attending their school
events, taking endless photos and telling her children at every
opportunity how wonderful they were.
Alice Walker’s iconic book was made in to a film in 1985, and starred Whoopi Goldberg and Margaret Avery (pictured)
My
mother was the polar opposite. She never came to a single school event,
she didn’t buy me any clothes, she didn’t even help me buy my first
bra – a friend was paid to go shopping with me. If I needed help with
homework I asked my boyfriend’s mother.
Moving between the two
homes was terrible. At my father’s home I felt much more taken care of.
But, if I told my mother that I’d had a good time with Judy, she’d look
bereft – making me feel I was choosing this white, privileged woman
above her. I was made to feel that I had to choose one set of ideals
above the other.
When I hit my 20s and first felt a longing to be
a mother, I was totally confused. I could feel my biological clock
ticking, but I felt if I listened to it, I would be betraying my mother
and all she had taught me.
I tried to push it to the back of my
mind, but over the next ten years the longing became more intense, and
when I met Glen, a teacher, at a seminar five years ago, I knew I had
found the man I wanted to have a baby with. Gentle, kind and hugely
supportive, he is, as I knew he would be, the most wonderful father.
Although
I knew what my mother felt about babies, I still hoped that when I told
her I was pregnant, she would be excited for me.
‘Mum, I’m pregnant’

Instead,
when I called her one morning in the spring of 2004, while I was at one
of her homes housesitting, and told her my news and that I’d never been
happier, she went very quiet. All she could say was that she was
shocked. Then she asked if I could check on her garden. I put the phone
down and sobbed – she had deliberately withheld her approval with the
intention of hurting me. What loving mother would do that?
Worse
was to follow. My mother took umbrage at an interview in which I’d
mentioned that my parents didn’t protect or look out for me. She sent me
an e-mail, threatening to undermine my reputation as a writer. I
couldn’t believe she could be so hurtful – particularly when I was
pregnant.
Devastated, I asked her to apologise and acknowledge
how much she’d hurt me over the years with neglect, withholding
affection and resenting me for things I had no control over – the fact
that I am mixed-race, that I have a wealthy, white, professional father
and that I was born at all.
But she wouldn’t back down. Instead,
she wrote me a letter saying that our relationship had been
inconsequential for years and that she was no longer interested in being
my mother. She even signed the letter with her first name, rather than
‘Mom’.
That was a month before Tenzin’s birth in December 2004,
and I have had no contact with my mother since. She didn’t even get in
touch when he was rushed into the special care baby unit after he was
born suffering breathing difficulties.
And I have since heard
that my mother has cut me out of her will in favour of one of my
cousins. I feel terribly sad – my mother is missing such a great
opportunity to be close to her family. But I’m also relieved. Unlike
most mothers, mine has never taken any pride in my achievements. She has
always had a strange competitiveness that led her to undermine me at
almost every turn.
When I got into Yale – a huge achievement –
she asked why on earth I wanted to be educated at such a male bastion.
Whenever I published anything, she wanted to write her version –
trying to eclipse mine. When I wrote my memoir, Black, White And Jewish,
my mother insisted on publishing her version. She finds it impossible
to step out of the limelight, which is extremely ironic in light of her
view that all women are sisters and should support one another.
It’s
been almost four years since I have had any contact with my mother, but
it’s for the best – not only for my self-protection but for my son’s
well-being. I’ve done all I can to be a loyal, loving daughter, but I
can no longer have this poisonous relationship destroy my life.
I
know many women are shocked by my views. They expect the daughter of
Alice Walker to deliver a very different message. Yes, feminism has
undoubtedly given women opportunities. It’s helped open the doors for us
at schools, universities and in the workplace. But what about the
problems it’s caused for my contemporaries?
What about the children?

The
ease with which people can get divorced these days doesn’t take into
account the toll on children. That’s all part of the unfinished business
of feminism.
Then there is the issue of not having children.
Even now, I meet women in their 30s who are ambivalent about having a
family. They say things like: ‘I’d like a child. If it happens, it
happens.’ I tell them: ‘Go home and get on with it because your window
of opportunity is very small.’ As I know only too well.
Then I
meet women in their 40s who are devastated because they spent two
decades working on a PhD or becoming a partner in a law firm, and they
missed out on having a family. Thanks to the feminist movement, they
discounted their biological clocks. They’ve missed the opportunity and
they’re bereft.

Feminism has betrayed an entire generation of women into childlessness. It is devastating.
But
far from taking responsibility for any of this, the leaders of the
women’s movement close ranks against anyone who dares to question them
– as I have learned to my cost. I don’t want to hurt my mother, but I
cannot stay silent. I believe feminism is an experiment, and all
experiments need to be assessed on their results. Then, when you see
huge mistakes have been paid, you need to make alterations.
I
hope that my mother and I will be reconciled one day. Tenzin deserves to
have a grandmother. But I am just so relieved that my viewpoint is no
longer so utterly coloured by my mother’s.
I am my own woman and I have discovered what really matters – a happy family.

FEMINISM DOES NOT EMPOWER WOMEN. IT DESTROYS THEM. It does not give them courage but makes them arrogant.
Please read the real life testimony of a VICTIM of feminism before you subscribe to such ideas.

certain events and happenings are true, as you mention; but cannot be authorized as you post here Niveda. Even I too watch things that are happening around us. If you feel that you are exploiting the truth, that may create the end of the entire race. However, after reading your Words, many will consider that your thoughts are 100% right, even your own females will have the possibility to follow the evil of being with one and travelling with other, as you mention about women. If you praise them and symbolize with positive examples(Savitri, Kannagi, Mandothari, Agaligai..- Tamil Women who stood for the pride of women) instead of those negatives they will think why don’t we should follow them? but when you post with such bad examples to be frank, your partner might considered you as the one second hand, instead of a fresh one……..

diya8782 Exceptions can never be rules. You “feel” that you had an unfortunate childhood. It does not give you the right to call anyone shallow.
Educated? This article is about equality not feminism. Read before you respond

Hi ,this is a male dominated world .Men are physically stronger than women on an average scale . Mentally , well , one can keep arguing about who is stronger , but, going by ” body and mind are interlinked ” , men “tend” to be mentally stronger as well…but , I`m skeptical about the mental thing. So now , lets get to the real issue. Whoever is stronger gets to write and change the rules , everywhere. I am not a male chauvinist . Just because men are physically stronger , their mentality is that they have their say in everything , including how a woman should live her life . This is how human beings were ever since the creation (or evolution) of Man . That is how kings were some 200 and more years ago. Kings fought battles and wars , and they treated women only as sex workers or the like till known history. If a king lost , he would have to surrender his horses, elephants, jewels and women . Thats how women were treated. I am a firm believer that women should “TAKE” freedom , rather than expecting someone else to give it to them.. Whos is anyone to give them freedom?.. Women should be strong enough to take it. I strongly support the intention of this article. To solve a problem , one should get to its root cause. What is the root cause that women are being treated in the manner they are treated ? In my opinion , after a brief research and observation , it all started because men are physically stronger than women . Men are physically stronger than women. That`s how it is. That`s how nature is. If you believe in God , that`s how God is . Survival of the strongest, fittest ,and the cleverest is the truth of this world. I don`t know what else to say other than “women have to be mentally strong enough,fit enough, and clever enough to get what they want in life”. !!

diya8782 Did you read the article you posted? It has nothing to do with sexual freedom and a lot to do with whether motherhood is a burden. Supporting greater sexual freedom is very different from supporting the idea that women should not become mothers. Although they are sometimes lumped under the broad category of “feminism”, in that these ideas have been promoted by different women identifying as “feminists” at various points throughout history, they are essentially distinct ideas. I’m willing to bet that several women who identify themselves as “feminist” would willingly choose to become mothers. At its core, feminism as I understand it is about enhancing women’s choices and reducing impediments to their freedom. If a woman chooses to become a mother, with full recognition of the possible limits it might bring to her life (i.e., career progress, etc.), then I’m sure many “feminists” would happily support that.

lakshmisocial ShankarDNair I accept what yo said about the mating if dogs.. the same way mating of humans should be after marriage only, not with whoever and whenever they want… why do yo gals hve that much desire to sex??? can’t yo gals wait till marriage?? is this the freedom yo wanted?? shame on yo people…. to be frank I am a supporter of feminism… but this is too much… I don’t mean tat all guys are good either, if the guys are tempting yo for sex, yo gotta stop him from doing it… everything is in your hand gals…. remember that… guys do have sexual desires i accept that but without yo gals permission and acceptance they cant do anything… yo can clap only with two hands… hope yo gals can understand… if a single person thinks and changes after reading this..tat’s enough for me…

TamannaDuttaBhattacharya diya8782
I understand your frustration. Please don’t hate your son for that. Though you may not say it in front of him. He will feel it.
What you are doing something great and worth appreciation. I am sorry if you don’t feel that way.
So many times life doesn’t really give us what we want but its not what you get that makes you succeed. Take what you have and turn it into a success. I know personally of women who have given up their lucrative career and they do feel a little pain but they have changed their lives around.

Please let go of the feeling of hatred towards your son without which all that you are doing for your son is meaningless cause you child will feel the hatred.
Tell yourself that what you are doing today will pay off. I am sure it will.
I was brought up by a great mom, she is highly placed official. She always made the best of what she could do. But it was never sufficient for me and my siblings. All the sports days she missed , our performances that we missed, no lunch at lunch time. I love my mom. If I could ask her anything it would be for her to have been there at all those important moments.
Make the best of what you have. Make the kid feel really special. Treat him as a gift not as a burden.

seanpaul000able perfectly said dude… (y) These gals ll roam, sleep wit other guys and we guys have to accept them uh?? We guys are not idiots to accept a non virgin gal… There are guys who don’t have desire for sex before marriage… Do yo think those guys ll accept a gal who is not a virgin or who is a promiscuous?? F**k off if you gals have a thought like tat… If a guy who has not had a sleep with any gal. finds out that his wife is not a virgin in his first-night, what do yo think he ll do?? I am a tamilian and so most of my friends too, we do have/had relationships but we are firm in the thing that we won’t have desire for sex before marriage in the same way for sure we wont accept a gal whoz not a virgin… we are not saying that yo gals should have not had relationships at all, the only thing we require is tat the gal whom we gonna marry should have not slept with anyone… If yo gals have tat much desire for sex then there are lots of things available in the market which could fulfill your desires… come-on nothing wrong in it than doing it with someone and at-last marrying someone… I might have spoken little harsh but that’s the truth and fact…

bored diya8782What makes you think I had a bad childhood?
Thats not my story its the story of a popular writer. You please read before you respond.
Yes there is equality between men and women, yet we are different. I think the differences are obvious.
This is not just an exception please go read well before you personally start saying things.

See what the author wrote about what the feminist philosophy of her mother led her to do
“But the
truth was I was very lonely and, with my mother’s knowledge, started
having sex at 13. I guess it was a relief for my mother as it meant I
was less demanding. And she felt that being sexually active was
empowering for me because it meant I was in control of my body.
Now
I simply cannot understand how she could have been so permissive. I
barely want my son to leave the house on a play-date, let alone start
sleeping around while barely out of junior school.
A good mother is attentive, sets boundaries and makes the world safe for her child. But my mother did none of those things.”

The author in the following lines says “can be both righteous and sexually active”. WOW!!!!
Thats wrong even by definition. Righteous by definition means MORALLY RIGHT. Its synonyms are VIRTUOUS MORAL, BLAMLESS, IRREPROACHABLE, UNCORRUPTED, ANGELIC.

” Well, did it ever occur to you that women – even Tamil women – can be
both righteous and sexually active? It probably didn’t because the idea
of sexual purity has become the measuring stick for assessing good
character in Tamil women. ”
So by definition righteous means to be angelic and pure and innocent.
But the author so conveniently says that the Tamil movies potray the heroine as angelic and innocent, as if its an accusation. While on the other hand she clubs sexually active and righteous.
Take away the practicality of the matter. Take alone by definition.
The author’s article suffers from lack of proper thought process.
Just based on definition this article has had a thousand deaths.
Sadly we have people who seem to think that this way of life is even suitable for reality!!!!!
This author is not fit for writing, especially on moral issues. I don’t think she knows the practical or theoretical view of it.

YoungTamilMan diya8782
Hi
reading this article a mom says she hates her son for destroying her career.
And also go read the part where the mom allowed her daughter to have sex at the age of 13. Thats sexual liberty, equality?? what else will people like you name this????

YOUR WRONG BY DEFINITION!!!!
“And while you’re at it, please erase this barbaric idea that being modest is the only way to be righteous. ”
Oh goodness someone teach this author some English please!!!
By definition RIGHTEOUS means MODEST AND DECENT!!!!
If you don’t want to be judged you got to be blameless which is what is righteous.

I can’t believe this magazine or any magazine will allow her to write any article. Please don’t let her write on morality. She clearly lacks the understanding on what it is.

THESE ARE NOT SUFFICIENT FOR MARRIAGEABLE TYPES!!!
“There are many sexually promiscuous women who are also intelligent, charitable, kind, empathetic and many other positive traits”
You want to be sexually promiscuous and yet you want not to be judged.
And whatever qualities are good for a human being to possess.
But to be a husband or wife it takes other such qualities like faithfulness, loyalty, and so on…………
And if you call these qualities again as cliche and patriarchal and blah blah blah……… sadly you will be judged whether you like it or not!!!!
You can only control your own action you don’t have the right to control other people’s mind and mouth!!!!

WHATS WRONG WITH SITA???
Just because women like you don’t want to be like Sita don’t tell the men not to expect wives who are like Sita. There are men out there who are chaste and would like a wife like Sita

lakshmisocial Look you really have to stop. I wanted to listen to you and help you, but I give up. You are beyond saving.
You should know that ALL medicines undergo human trials for YEARS. It takes 10-15 YEARS for a drug from discovery to market place. If you are so against science, you should probably just quit taking medicines. Because it is not prescribed in what you claim to be Vedic science. I am sure you don’t understand the Vedas even if you know Sanskrit.
If you think living organisms don’t evolve, I just don’t know what to say. You are an embarassment and you are delusional.

VasanthKabilan All history proves is Women always never wanted to bring change by action only through words and influence and so called moral pressure to society, where society refers to men. So basically they are not fit to fight their own battles so they shouldnt get what they cannot fight for…

The girl is from Toronto. LOL not sure how it spread to Chennai. If this is a chennai based article, I would be supporting feminist in chennai. In canada, us guys have to come in fake profile to talk about it cos they have more political power than us.

wow..totally agree with author, but why brand it as tamil men?. it should be indian men, But these men will never get this in their heads. look at tamil heroes , all are dark and ugly but the heroine is still fair and cute. men just dominate and keep the women as slaves, its a pity ..learn from the west please

so i see a girl frm toronto presenting an article abt Indian/Tamil culture as it is flawed … I get your point.. but u being brought up in a diff culture( i believe ) have a different opinion on Indian society..to be honest there was no problem with this culture for many hundreds of years as it was practiced…men treated women who upheld chastity with utmost respect and there has been far more examples to this regard…I think only when people started to disbelieve the principals of society there arose flaws..and when i say principals i do mean them for MEN too…u can’t say men need not be chaste or they don’t tend to be…if u r going by examples of cinema or legends there are various examples of men who maintained their chastity and treated their partners with equal respect..desire is what makes both MEN and WOMEN go to wrong ways…
so if you are to consider men are always not chaste enough and it is acceptable for them to marry a girl who had premarital sex please think twice!! there are still men who firmly believe chastity is for them too !! in your point of view even if a girl says to her husband that she had sex before marriage, her husband who has been upholding virtues taught to him should to say to her Its ok?? i think that might not be possible here !!! because we people here are not like westeners !! by that i don’t say they are civilized ! civilization was born here many ages ago..
“Tamil women get horny too. Contrary to popular belief, we have sexual urges as well. Just as you experience complete sexual liberation, we wish to have the same without being judged and ridiculed as “not marriage material”. We are not objects to be judged as “easy” or “used” and are disgusted that you would even use these terms to describe us. Along with this, not all of us believe in the idea of marrying the first guy we date. And just like you, some of us want adventure and fun in our teens and twenties. Stop putting us on a pedestal and comparing us to an ideal that is not only completely unnatural, but boring.”
If women are what u mention in the above lines then they can avert themselves from being a sexual toy if the are open to the groom even before marriage..they can say “Yes I had sex 1 or 2 times before ..but i am ready to accept u as my partner and live with you to rest of life” …can anyone say that before marriage ?? no ..because they think it will spoil their life ..but if he comes to know that later he must accept this … what justice is this ?? I’m not being male chauvinistic in this..but i felt the urge to xplain…If a boy goes to a girl whom he is to marry and says that i have had sex a couple of times, will she take it easy ?? yet there may be some people who accustomed to western culture find is easy to accept…
Our’s is a society where people are brought up traditionally…if few change it doesn’t mean everyone needs to change!!

daveknight20 diya8782 so chaste men who expect their wives to also be the same are UGLY ??? i beg to differ !! so can women marry a man whom she knew had premarital sex ?? then how come can u say men alone must do this ?? whats wrong i expecting ur life partner to be true ?? can a man/woman boldly say that he/she had sex before, to their partners before they tie their knots ?? if that comes as a reality then there will be a social change.

Practically speaking, if a woman is experienced there has to be a man or men involved, so why target the women alone. it is high time that we men take responsibilty for OUR actions and stop blaming the subject of OUR actions.
Of course, the whole argument fails if the other party is also a woman. at least she has made a great choice avoiding men like these 😛

the reason why there is a problem comparing women to SITA is that we have to compare men to RAM, the same who guy who suspected his wife and ditched her (when she was pregnant) just on another man’s words, very rational, very just, great husband. it is high time guys take an honest look at their models. btw, just have to read ramayana to find the root of all this misogyny.

rajkumar1988 diya8782
please explain to me how does one have a population of 1.2 billion indians living in india without sex.
we are the land of kamasutra which has been taken over by the HINDU TALIBAN.

BeingTamilMan there is no need to be rude and insulting just because you dont agree with someone. this shows the lack of culture, education, thinking, all the qualities you were ranting about.
see, i can say i dont agree with what you say or how you say it without insulting you.

crazydud BeingTamilManLook,as like that you dont have any right to speak about the traditional culture and all the women. Look, i composed this with the help of my wife too. If you want a sexual freedom, fight against the government. Dont just put the Tamil women or the community for the sake of your personal desire. Dont claim you are the Feminist for this cheap behavior and your personal weakness. Understand, Sex or being sexual horny is a personal desire. It never comparable to the freedom of women. There were no studies or survey about that. I searched completely in Google and checked with my friends who are in those fields.
If you want the Sexual freedom being a person addicted to the sex, then write about it and reveal it. Dont just blabber, whatever you want in the social forum in the name of Tamil community.

kdkannan diya8782 Thank you.
I am writing so that people like this won’t get away with selling some inconsistent ideas.
Especially in case of a youngster seeking validation is looking at this and says “yes may be she is right”. And makes a decision based her writing and all those commenting in support of her.

diya8782 No one is supporting you.
It’s not funny.
“LOL” isn’t a word. Again, learn English. It’s really helpful when you don’t want to sound like an imbecile on the internet.
You are the stupidest carbon based life-form I’ve ever had the misfortune to not avoid meeting.

BeingTamilMan
I don’t know how very young you are, how well you are educated and how much liberal you are, but your views are extreme. You are citing an example from the point-of-view of a man, but the author is citing a similar example from the point-pf-view of a women, which is right.
You are just way too much stereotyped into proving her views wrong! Perhaps, you should have taken birth as a women to understand this (I’m a 25-year old man)!

Kayfabe I agree with your post. To be honest, with the culture we are brought up in and the stereotype we have, it’s hard to accept a women with promiscuous background. This needs to change, but it won’t happen overnight, but gradually, maybe very gradually!

Niveda has a point of view and we should respect that whether you may accept it or not. But its no reason to be abusive about her and personal attacks on her character is totally unwarranted. If you want a Sita then be a Ram. Morality is not just for women.

You are intelligent and you expect to marry someone who is intelligent. I am chaste. So what is wrong with me expecting to marry someone who is chaste?
And it is equally true that there are ‘Sitas’ who don’t wish to marry a man who is not a ‘Rama’. So why don’t you keep your argument as one between Tamil people who support pre-marital sex VS those who don’t. Don’t try to make it an argument between Men VS Women.
P.S. You have taken the freedom to wrongly assume that ‘Tamil men explore pre-marital sex’. Even today the majority of tamil community (both men and women) is monogamous. Lets speak statistics in case you don’t agree.

rajkumarin most men are virgin not because they chose to ,,…but because they cannot find a woman wiling to sleep with them in india……if you want to talk statistics,,,,india is the country with most number of searches for “sex” “porn” int he world….and am pretty sure 90% of those searches are by men…who in society would still want a “virgin” “nice” girl….so there is double standards by indian men there…agree or dont agree?

KevinRaphaelIsaac
Men choose to be a virgin. Not that they don’t get horny (in that case something is wrong with their biology) or they don’t see porn movies but that they refrain from having pre-marital and extra-marital sex. This applies to women too.
I flirt with my lover but I don’t wish to have sex with her prior to marriage. She too.
P.S. I’m a typical 20+ years old from village middle class staying at the city for job. I represent a bigger chunk of young tamil community than most people in this thread – city dwelling upper class. I ain’t looking to bring up a clash of classes or something. Just to work the statistics. More people from similar backgrounds would have offered a similar thought if at all they were in this forum. I’m speaking on their behalf.

diya8782 I think you did not get the gist of the article. Its about
stereotyping women. Sure, be pure and righteous and angelic. That’s great
in fact. Similarly there is nothing wrong with pre-marital sex. Its a
women and her body and her urges and its her choice. The word here is
“choice”. Judging a women in her entirety based on virginity is silly.
So are you ok with your identity starting and ending with just a piece
of hymen?

As always when someone writes, it is our disease to comment uninvited. Yes I do know that it is a free society here. What the author has written here whether you like it or not is what is happening unfortunately in this society.
I being a guy myself has had the weird opportunity to witness such conversations. From a young age God knows why they tend to develop this habit of talking about females as objects of passion, lust etc.. This is unflinchingly common despite different societies. Luckily from a young age I have had a different perspective and from a young age I revered females in general. Now I would call it just luck since more than 80 percent of Men fall in the “other” category.
The author mentions a hypocritical society where men expect “pure” no matter however they have lived their own life. TRUE.
Some people here counter that by saying “When I am “pure” I expect “pure” “. Not to burst your bubble but this article was never interested in people like you, so you guys can kindly buzz off..
Women deserve the same respect in fact much more than Men. Why? Because we guys are here in this world because of a women. So the least you could do is stop rubbishing about them. May all of you take this article the way it’s supposed to be. If any of you guys fall in this unfortunate category please try to change yourself. Remember somebody might have told such things about your Mother when she was young, Do you really want to be ‘that’ person?

diya8782 RIGHTEOUS and MODEST are not necessarily related. A person can be RIGHTEOUSand can be very arrogant about it.
Beyond the English meanings, remember that you are logged in to the internet and able to type in English and participate in a conversation because someone a few decades back fought for decided that women need to be educated as well. There were quite a few “RIGHTEOUS” men who flared up and fought against the idea. Thankfully they lost the battle and some of us are educated now.
There are now “RIGHTEOUS” men and women who grow up in patriarchal societies and are quite brain washed into stereotypes, who think it is ok to apply stereotypes to women. Every generation has its battles.

diya8782Its not necessarily feminism that destroys women. Anything taken to the extreme does. Be it prudery or feminism. And by the way, I repeat, you are here typing these comments as an educated women thanks to feminists and men who were feminists.
By the way Dandhi was not a great father. But he was father of the nation. Hope you and cool down for a bit and understand this dichotomy.

diya8782 So you are a natural mother. Someone else is not. Its as simple as that. I appreciate the honesty of those who say they are burdened with motherhood as I appreciate your nature for being a loving mother. It takes all kinds to make the world. What is required for women is the freedom to choose to marry or not, to have children or not. Do you think our society is mature enough to allow these choices?

Totally agree with the article. Though its a malady that affects the entire nation. Nay, entire south and south-east asia. Not just Tamil men. Another generation, and I am sure we will grow up. I have hope. Being up your sons as daughters and not just your daughters and sons. Sensitive, caring and accepting. Things will change.

rajkumarin Sure. You can expect a chaste women being “chaste” yourself. We all walk around with expectations about our partners. That’s how it is. Kind of wonder about your definition of chaste though. Because everything begins with the mind right? So you saying the woman you marry should not have ogled at an actor on screen? And you have never even looked at the ogled of an actress even once in your life? Are are you ok marrying a woman who has been molested or raped – because obviously it was not consensual and her mind was not in it? I can go on with the questions.. but I think the one needing self questioning and answers is you my friend.

GameboyZone It doesnt matter about the age. If it is her desire or if you guys want to have a 100% sexual freedom for the women, fight for it. Fight against the laws and government. Dont try to validate your views. Dont try to get your selves pissed-off. And Mr.GameBoyZone, I wrote my comment with the help of my wife and we are in our mid-twenties. So never bother about it.
We being practicing the culture, never care about the ‘Horny’ women or men. But we cant never allow you guys to claim yourselves as Feminist and you are striving towards the freedom of women. The freedom for women is there. Most of the women attending it by practicing, not by fighting or validating their views. If the certain amount of women are horny, go-ahead, do whatever you want and marry the horny guys. Why you are bothering about us, then? We’ll search for the virgin women and get married to them. Are you jealous of us? this is stupidity.

diya8782Nothing
wrong with Sita. She was wonderful. But you think it was ok for a
society to ask her for agni pariksha? Her husband trusted her, loved her
immensely, fought a huge war to get her back. But society wants her to
enter agni pariksha. In what way is her chastity of matter to ever
loafer on the street, many of whom I am sure could not hold a candle to
her bravery? How you you feel if you had to prove your chastity to say
200 of our neighbours on the street? I am sure that would be traumatic
for any woman.

malyathakrishnan diya8782 Hey LOL is not a word its the abbreviation of “Laugh out loud”- which is English!!!

By pointing out the mistake in the line taken from the article written by the author thinking its me. Lol. That’s funny. And by doing so you are ctually supporting my view!!!
As for the personal insults, it only shows who you are. And you are funny!!!

On the topic of Sita – It a twisted mind that added the uttrakanda
where
Ram sends Sita away. History dates this story to a different author and
time. So the battle is not for or against chastity, but against societal
mores that stereotype women and except high moral standards only from her. Society has changed. But still not much from those times. The change starts when women like you, who are extremely traditional,
start being accepting and teach your children to be so. Instead of
teaching your daughter to be a Sita, you could teach your son not to be a
loafer on the street who wants agni pariksha from random unrelated women
on the street. The unspoken rule in India seems to be a man has to feel a women on the street is “Sita” in his own high imagination of standards of modesty or he has a right to molest her. This is because we bring up our kids with wrong stories in the name of tradition. Think about it.

sraman diya8782MORALITY IS NOT JUST LACK OF OPPORTUNITY!!!!
Hi, you have a valid point.

But the author says this
Some of you grew up hearing stories from the epic Ramayana and learning of the modest, angelic Sita. You probably sat there thinking, “Of
course, one day I will marry a Sita. A Sita who will constantly prove
her chastity to me and the world by jumping into a fire whenever doubts
were cast upon her character.”
Not all men are siting and expecting to marry a chaste girl. They hope that will be one of the qualities in her. Like we see here many men supporting whats wrong with women having multiple partners, when man can women can too. I do agree. But these are sexually promiscuous men who support this idea.

What about a man who has been chaste and wants a girl who is chaste. Someone who comments calls such men as “ugly”. Where is all this taking us? So men who are virgins are nothing but ugly and lack opportunity???? In my opinion if a man want to marry a girl and doesn’t wish to take it to the level of sex before marriage. I think it takes a lot more than ugly or lack of opportunity
Same goes to a woman. When a woman has a man in her life when she is looking forward to marrying him. Sure she does have the “sexual urge ” as mentioned by the author. That is why women who restrain from such urges are called righteous. But the author wants sexual promiscuity and righteous which is an irony.

The naivete writing and comments not just support sexual promiscuity but in fact mocks at chastity. Which is where the problem is.
YES, Sita being tested is WRONG. But the result what came out of it was she was pure. All the women who want call this patriarchal and so on are not really crying out for what happened to Sita. Its because if they were asked to walk the fire they can’t come out of it without being burnt!!!

rajkumarin Mate, I guess you need to take a few more comprehension lessons. I am being factual rather than offensive.
If you did not understand the article, here is the gist. It is completely fine for you to stay “chaste”, marry Rapunzel, not have sex till you are 99 year 7 months old. No one cares. All of these are your personal choices and we are NOT criticizing you for these.
HOWEVER, the article is requesting guys like you for a similar courtesy. If some girls wish to not follow your “noble” example, and make different choices, it is their damned business, and the article is requesting guys like you to kindly mind their own business and refrain from name-calling and labeling such girls. Something that guys like you for some reason cannot oblige with.
A 25+ year old virgin kid like you, would have been called a “sissy boy” in my time. He would have been made fun of, amongst his classmates/friends. Even a “loser”. Peers would have poked fun of your “manhood”, and would have told you on your face that your girl was not really “into you”. All sorts of cruel things. And you would be whining about how this was unfair, and it was your “choice” to stay a virgin, and we should not abuse you like this.
But funnily enough, you and your ilk are pretty judgmental in their turn. I understand your anger though. No one likes their hypocrisy being pointed out to them.

I am sorry to annoy you. Your article was extremely logical and intelligent and I appreciate that but the one thing that was not so logical and poor in quality was your habit of generalizing. There are still women who believe in the concept of chastity. You have generalized young Tamil women as wanting to be promiscuous and you have accused us of being boring for wanting to be so. You have taken advantage of being a woman and used it to make it sound like all women are like you. Furthermore you have insulted women who do not feel like you and who disagree with you. I can’t believe a woman has to be promiscuous to be modern or intelligent. Some women like to wait for intimacy until marriage. Freedom, I mean physical freedom makes people erratic and makes them have little to no self control. With physical freedom comes qualities like swearing, emotional imbalance and socially disruptive behaviour and a disregard for order of any sort. There are women who believe in chastity and expect the same in men too, though most of the time, they know it’s not practical, they still try to uphold their end. They want to wait for commitment. With physical liberty comes a disregard for commitment, especially in relationships. This type of thinking will lead to degenerate behaviour, that justifies first polygamy, then all sorts of social wrongs like drinking, stealing drug abuse. These too, you see, can be categorized under your so called fun. Polygamy is a flawed concept, unnacceptable in people of both genders. We must move towards the other side and inculcate monogamy in everyone instead of using two wrongs to equal a right. We must encourgage men too to wait until marriage intead of calling women who wait for physical intimacy until marriage as dull and boring. If your article did not use so much subjectivity, it would have been a good argument and a good article. Hope you take all my little comments into consideration the next time you write an article.

SharonChristy You seem to have missed the point entirely maám.
She was NOT generalizing the feminine community. Nor was she encouraging promiscuity. Nor has she taken advantage of being a woman. She is against the social stigma that is developed by the mindset of many men and women, that virginity is related to honour.
Yes, there are men and women who believe in chastity, but there are others who don’t. And for this they are (as you yourself are doing) considered degenerate. Why? What does vriginity have to do with the person’s character as such?
As for generalizing,
//Freedom, I mean physical freedom makes people erratic and makes them have little to no self control. With physical freedom comes qualities like swearing, emotional imbalance and socially disruptive behaviour and a disregard for order of any sort.// // With physical liberty comes a disregard for commitment, especially in relationships. This type of thinking will lead to degenerate behaviour, that justifies first polygamy, then all sorts of social wrongs like drinking, stealing drug abuse. These too, you see, can be categorized under your so called fun. //
^ I believe that qualifies as generalizing. You’re insinuating that if a person is “phyiscally free” he/she becomes erratic, loses self control and becomes anti-social. You assume that physical liberty makes one disregard commitments. Physical liberty is not the cause for lack of commitment. Nor is it even a key player. What you are suggesting is that commitment is actually based on physical connection alone. That is quite frankly the direct point that your statement is portraying. And commitment is not about just sex. There are other statements you made that require you yourself to critically analyse. Ofcourse, these are all your points of view. Though from my vantage point, it seems your idea of relationships and commitments are almost solely based on physical relationships. Which I strongly disagree on. Commitments come with consent, empathy and mutual respect.

http://www.livefyre.com/profile/_up23163730@livefyre.com/ How do you know all the women who are crying out against patriarchal cant walk out of the fire pure? Isn’t that a huge judgement to make? Its almost as if you are saying supporting patriarchy is the only way to be chaste. Just remember that its patriarchy that created the dev dasi system and exploited women for covert sexual needs. It was done in the name of religion. So are dev dasis pure? chaste? What do you call such women who supposedly serve god and are forced to serve other men?

SharonChristy To play the devil’s advocate, why is it okay for you and others to generalize how someone who is disagreeing with your “chosen path” is wrong? “we must encourage men too to wait”… sheesh. So if you do not get any taker for you, you are willing to stay a virgin till you are 80 and till the moment of your last breath. Good for you! That is entirely your life and your choice to make.
But the entire sheer hypocrisy of simultaneously arguing for your right to be allowed to be a virgin, and simultaneously wanting to push your agenda on others(must encourage men) is mind-boggling.
Stealing harms others. Cheating on your wife might be said to harm families. If two people decide to have consensual sex that harms no one else apart from themselves, that is none of YOUR or MINE bloody business. I am kind of wondering why you are so obsessed about what two other individuals are doing in the privacy of their bedroom.
Problem is that young girls like you are brainwashed by your parents, who too were brainwashed by their parents, paying lip-service to a culture that never existed. People like you and the gentleman labeled “beingtamilian” below are slaves to tradition and confuse it with culture or history. If I cited the idea of Draupadi who had 5 husbands, or the various kings who happily indulged in polygamy, your brainwashed mindset would still simply disregard that fact, and keep harping on your need to do what you were told by “mama and papa” regards “morality”. Polygamy is evil. But Krishna had 16000 wives. We talk about Sita, but forget that Ram’s father had 4 wives. Pandu had 2 wives. Kunti had a child out of wedlock. Ok so that was a “magical birth”. But Matsyagandha had pre-marital normal sex with parashar, and yet married a king later… the guy who was father of Bhishma and Pandu etc. And there is the concept of Gandharva vivaha. You had examples of Maneka having sex with multiple guys, but yet having access to “heaven”. And then all those stories about the King of gods… Indra, who loved to seduce other men’s wives. And yet remained a god. If we leave mythology, there was Amrapali. Why are the kids these days, so ignorant of their actual culture and so judgmental without an iota of critical thinking? Is it something in the water these days?
Before you get confused yet again, I am not advocating for promiscuity either. I am simply saying that both are pretty much allowed. What is cherished in our culture are things like loyality. They forbid, criticize and discourage spouses cheating on their wives. If you have chosen to announce to the world, that you will stick with just one person, by the ritual of marriage, you should totally walk the talk. But our culture never really forbade pre-marital sex or said there was anything so bad about it. Cheating is bad. Pre-marital sex is not. Bias against polygamy? That came from the Victorian British. If you and your folks wish to follow the British culture, that is entirely your choice. But stop telling folks that ancient Indian culture was degenerate.
I for one, object to men wanting to play the field, and yet trying to silence the girls who say they want to have same rights without the associated name-calling. And then paying empty lip-service to “encouraging men to be chaste too”.
Your being a female, doesn’t extends you some special perspective on the issue. 100 years ago, there were some other equally empty-headed bimbos advocating for the right of females to be burned to death for the “noble” practice of Sati. They too, clamored about sky falling and society becoming degenerate if Sati was questioned. Well, apparently we now have other idiot kids claiming the fall of society, if two people had sex without some specified “ritual” or agreeing to be stuck with each other for life. If current society is so flimsy that it will implode just by two folks having pre-marital sex, I would say best to let it happen fast, so something stronger can arise out of its ashes.

Hats off!!! You’ve penned every inch of my thoughts. but lately, i’m fearing that feminism won’t have a future when even women object or simply put, misunderstand it. I’m tired!! Most of them think feminists are being irrational and condescending…. still they don’t realize without this feminism we wouldn’t have this right to vote, write or even speak in this century.

diya8782 – This article is not about feminism. It is about character judgement based on a person’s lifestyle, rather than on how they conduct themselves socially and spiritually. A bar dancer who buys food for a starving begging child lying on a road is more honorable than a temple going virgin who shoos the beggar child away. That’s more like what this article is trying to convey.
Indian society is very shallow in sense that who u slept with, what u smoked, what u drank is associated w. your character than how you actually behaved in society in an egalitarian sense. Associating a person’s character with their outwardly features like lifestyle, what they smoked, what they drank is as shallow as it gets. This is what the author was trying to convey.

rajkumar1988 diya8782 – I lived in Tamil Nadu and I 100000% agree with what the writer says. Even a woman going to a TASMAC outlet is enough for society to caste shame on her family and herself….unless she is upper income class- in which case, she’d be going to Taj hotel. Unless you are upper income class, life in Tamil Nadu is pretty oppressive unless you enjoy / or can adjust to a Victorian lifestyle.
Chennai has somewhat evolved but if you go to a hellhole (smaller cities and towns) like Thirunelveli, Madurai, Nagercoil, Chidambaram- or even Coimbatore- if you take your female office colleague to a to a restaurant because you share a lot of common interests and talk about Josef Stalin’s economic policies in the Soviet Union, because both of you are enthusiasts of Communism- society talks as if the both of you are sleeping with each other behind your spouses’ backs.

diya8782 – Uhm….no. Righteousness means being true to yourself. If you go to a soapy massage club whenver u go to Bangkok but pretend to be a God fearing man back at home base, you aren’t being righteous. When you go to a soapy massage club in Bangkok, but don’t put on a double face when you reach home, and tell your potential suitor everything in black & white about your lifestyle and character, you are righteous.
Righteousness means being true. Being “modest” has more to do w. being puritanical. Puritanism and righteousness don’t mean the same thing.

BE TRUE TO WHAT YOU SAY!!!
For someone who says don’t be judgmental, the author says
“And while you’re at it, please erase this barbaric idea that being modest is the only way to be righteous.”
BARBARIC IDEA isn’t that a judgement of what others think??????

diya8782
There is a saying “don’t judge a book by its cover.” So, lifestyle, choice of substances u smoke, choice of drinks u drink, choice of company you keep- are all exterior features of a person. Interior features of a person includes their compassion, kindness, sense of justice and egalitarianism.
A person’s internal features affect the way in which they interact with society, So as a society, logically and objectively speaking- should judge a person by variables which affects his / her interactions w. it. Judging a book by its cover is pretty idiotic, because a gold crusted book cover can have the most moronic content ever written.
The same can be said about judging a person’s character. I guess the right word to use instead of “barbaric” is “moronic.”

To start off, I am talking against the topic. The author cited examples from a rajini movie to support her claims, I would like to add that Rajini did choose soundarya over neelambri but we dont see him sleeping around with neelambri and then choosing soundarya, he chooses one and sticks to one. Well I believe the only difference between boys and girl is that, boys talk about it and girls dont. Boys categorize some as not marriage material and stay away from them. Well i dont think most of the girls would agree to a marriage if the guy walks upto them before marriage and says “Hey I sleep around a lot hope ur ok with it”. Also about the boys, most dont sleep around till they meet the right one (at least in India). There have been scientific studies going on for sometime(with no validation yet) which claims that our bodies have memories and sleeping around a lot does make the act of having sex less enjoyable even when it is with the person he/she loves and this leads to depression. Its sad to see some boys now sleep around, So I hope girls instead of asking for equal rights, will better avoid these boys or better yet educate them so that the whole society dosent get screwed up.
Also since the Author spoke about tamil culture I would like to point out that in olden days women in India dint wear a blouse and it was only the saree, men dint tell them that it shows too much skin so stay indoors or something. Women were treated equally in the past. It was the onset of western culture in India that distorted our principles.

ArifIsuptonogood diya8782Again be true to what you say. If you don’t want to be judged because you want to have multiple partners why judge someone who doesn’t want such a thing as “barbaric” or “moronic”

As there is a saying don’t judge a book by its cover. There is also another ” face is the index of the mind” which is basically the appearance expresses the content.
The qualities that u have mentioned here is good “compassion, kindness, sense of justice and egalitarianism”.
But for someone who doesn’t want to be judged as “not marriage material” these qualities are not the criteria.

rajkumarin
This article was not intended for you, then. You are chaste, and you are expecting someone who is chaste. That’s your choice. Nobody is attacking you for it. This article attacks the notion in our society that “any girl who is not chaste is as bad as the man who gassed 6 million Jews in concentration camps.”
This article attacks a mindset….of associating peoples character to their lifestyle. It doesn’t attack choices people make.

KarthikSekar Apparently you are logic impaired. That happens if you watch too many movies, and try to derive your real life principles based on well… a movie. If you want a proper analogy, let us hear your reaction if one person walks to another before marriage and says “Hey, I slept around a lot while I was not committed to anyone, and I completely believe in loyalty and will be sleeping only with you while I am married to you and I hope you are okay with it”.
For some reason, idiots think that loyalty has anything to do with staying a virgin, and if you had pre-marital sex, you will automatically have sex with everyone who looks at you. Usually this stereotype is propagated by insecure men like you, who are worried about their masculinity and spend their nights awake worried sick if your partner might laugh at your lack of experience. In twisted logic of folks like you, it is kind of easier if your partner has nothing to compare you against. And therefore, we get all the interesting logic about “culture” and unvalidated “scientific” studies and how staying a virgin is “righteous” and “moral”. Ugh.

diya8782
Again, the author (and me) do NOT criticize a woman or a man who want to be chaste by choice. Our attacks are directed against people who define a person’s character by their lifestyle, rather than by their conduct. As in people who choose not to live by a Victorian lifestyle. Last time I checked, we are a secular country, not a theocratic one.
Society in South India (especially in Tamil Nadu) forces a Victorian lifestyle on you if you want to get a “good and honorable” seal of approval from society. It is this notion we attack. People who choose to live a Victorian life should be allowed to live a Victorian life, for sure, but at the same time, those who don’t should also be allowed to live and and not get judged, especially when their actions of rejecting a victorian life doesn’t produce victims by any stretch of imagination.
What is this “marriage material” business? Is it like shipbuilding material? We are already objectifying a union of 2 partners emotionally, physically and mentally.
People will live a LOT better married life if they come out of their shells and choose partners according to intellectual & emotional compatibility rather than on shells like how they lived and what they smoked. If a guy married a chaste girl simply because he had this pre conceived notion that a chaste girl is “good” whereas a girl who had sex before is “bad” and they are intellectually & emotionally as compatible as North Korea & South Korea, and India & Pakistan, the marriage will either be extremely dull or extremely turbuilent.

diya8782 Careful, you are ranting now :)… yes we get it. You are so rattled by the idea of having your partner having something to compare you against, and possibly finding you well…coming “short”, that you are trolling this thread and losing sleep over the idea of girls making their own decisions(without being abused for it).

ArifIsuptonogood diya8782 Hi I do see where you are coming from. But my point is how can you eliminate lifestyle of someone in determining their character??
Don’t you call someone who is a drunkard a drunkard? A smoker a smoker? Yes they may be people with good qualities but would you employ a drunkard as your watchman or a drug addict as your baby sitter??? When people make so many criteria for choosing someone to be employed, and all this is based on lifestyle.
What is wrong or so judgmental about choosing a person to marry based on their character?
When you can’t trust a your baby with a baby sitter with a different lifestyle, how can you trust your life with someone who has a life style which falls under the category of promiscuous ??
Why should such people be called “barbaric” and “moronic”?

diya8782
The thing is- getting drunk on the job impairs your ability to keep watch at night. So it objectively goes against their job function. I don’t mind hiring a drinking watchman who doesn’t drink on the job but drinks a liter of vodka outside of it. This is a job function related query. There is scientific and logical observation that shows that getting drunk on the job as a night watchman makes impairs the job function.
Whereas a guy who drinks, but doesn’t have violent tendency, has excellent work ethics, is kind, but still gets judged for being a “bad because he drinks” is- moronic. And no, drinking alcohol doesn’t make you a drunkard- getting obsessed with it does, just as going to the gym doesn’t make u a “gym rat” but being obsessed with it does.

However, there is no scientific or logical validity in claiming that a woman who was sexually active in the past will sleep with every man she runs into after marriage. Nor is there any scientific or logical validity to claim that a woman who never had sex before marriage won’t hire a gigolo or get seduced by a lover after marriage when hubby’s off to work.
Usually people cheat when they develop a void in their married life and look at a fling as a way to fill in that void. This feeling of emptiness can happen regardless of the person’s past sexual history prior to marriage. You cheat when you are married, but still feel lonely.

If you have perfect emotional & intellectual compatibility as a couple, cheating won’t happen. An emotionally & intellectually incompatible partner w.a chaste history is MUCH more likely to cheat than an emotionally & intellectually compatible partner w.a non chaste history.

ArifIsuptonogood My point is not about people who go back to drinking or women who cheat and like you say nothing guarantees whether a woman will cheat or not based on her lifestyle before marriage.
And I never said someone who drinks I said call a drunkard as drunkard.

But when you consider a person’s lifestyle for things such as employment why judge men who want to marry a chaste woman???
Is it wrong for a man or woman to expect the person they married remained abstinent for him or her the same way they had preserved themselves?
Is it right for women to say because men sleep with women and so women can also sleep around with men? Is that the logical solution???
On the other hand if a man does not like a woman who has been with several men its because of the value and emphasis on purity and if it comes from someone who does not come from someone who himself has not abstained is being hypocritical. But why say its wrong for a man to expect a wife who is chaste? Whats wrong if Padaiyappa liked soundarya?
If its not wrong, then why this article?

abhisri SharonChristy you have proved my point. Here I was thinking we were having a mature intellectual debate and you had to start calling me a bimbo and an idiot and brainwashed for putting forth my point of view. I never said mine was the only correct point of view without justifying it, your argument which was quite intelligent could have been a lot more polite. But that’s entirely my point. You can’t be polite, you can’t respect me the way I have respected you. You have to lash out. You have very little self control and the first part of your argument, I am completely alien too, my name alone should have suggested my unfamiliarity with Hindu mythology yet you persisted to make your point. My reply is simply this: I appreciate you taking the time to read my comment and replying to it,. You have a lot of valid points and you think I am mindless for believing the things I do, paying lip service and listening to baseless principles about morality, you contradict yourself by this, you say you do not encourage promiscuity but in your statement you show your utter contempt for those who believe otherwise. You are too intolerant and rash and cannot accept a view other than you own but I choose to let that go, it is useless to persist in arguing with someone who has a tunnel vision. Thank you very much for replying!

irahirs SharonChristy Thank you very much for replying irahirs. I believe that the concept of being non judgemental about everything is actually a form of hypocrisy and indifference to society as a whole. It makes us individual units instead of an united body. It is impossible to be completely non judgemental at least for me for a person’s right, a man’s to marry whom he chooses for whatever reason he wants is not wrong either, is it? And isn’t it judgemental to say he shouldn’t do so as it’s judgemental? Anyway, I am glad you took the time to reply sir. My view remains unchanged but I have certainly found happiness in having an intellectual conversation with you. Have a very good day!

abhisri SharonChristy And another thing, you have criticized me for wanting other people to have my same view, that’s because I believe in it, but on the other hand, you have been hypocritical in thrusting your views on others. You want people to stop respecting chastity so that it would suit you so you advocate it and give it a high browed and lofty paint but others become intolerant for sharing their views with others. I am very sorry to say this, you are trying to take advantage of women by justifying yourself and you use your intelligence very well to your advantage. You have missed replying to several of my points and attacked the weakest as you thought or least justified. You have called me a bimbo for having old fashioned ideals yet somehow claim you are tolerant of people who choose to believe it chastity, believing in itself is inculcating, one can’t believe in something without having reasons and pointing them out whenever the occasion arises. You have used every argument to suit your own view and you are very efficient at it but I ask you to have intellectual decency to avoid brainwashing people for ulterior motives. If you want to be respected inspite of your choices, you should force people to do it. I hope you have a good day and thank you again for reading my comments!

SharonChristy irahirs Oh yes, everyone has the right to judge. But I believe that things would be a lot more peaceful if people were a bit more tolerant. I generally follow my rule of “Being free to judge anyone, but not act upon it unless all the information is at hand”
More often than not, the information at hand is either non existent, incomplete or false. Even if we eradicate the idea of false information, little knowledge is more dangerous than no knowledge, as the remainder is filled with assumptions and prejudiced motives. THESE create more divisions within the community rather than individuality. I agree with your notion of wanting to preserve a communal feel, but the means with which it has to be achieved need to be changed. So far, if I am to trust all that I am privy to, the current means and trend are causing more damage and segregation rather than unity. And sadly, chastity and virginity are still considered key players in prejudice, even though these personal decisions mostly don’t affect the ones who are judging. Get what I’m trying to say?

irahirs SharonChristy Hello again irahirs. Your conversation was intellectually stimulating and so I can’t help replying to it after having given it some thought. You say she was not generalizing but you see she’s signed the letter as tamil women and her whole content is not in the form of a statement or a monologue by an individual to another or a group, it is as if she’s personifying the whole body of tamil women. Don’t you think it’s wrong to generalize in such sensitive matters. Besides, it is a proven fact in psychology that pre-marital intimacy leads to commitment issues, and by commitment, I did not mean just physical, I meant the whole sense of the word as you have said. And it also makes people impatient and unable to compromise on many things. Pre marital intimacy is proven to stop two people getting to know each other better on other grounds that physical ones. There are points both for and against each argument and I am happy that you have respected others enough and been tolerant enough to not thrust or accuse people for thinking otherwise. And I think that anti social behaviour can easily be clubbed or made accessible to those who break away from old fashioned concepts of morality and those who are not very intellectually inclined will simply follow the herd or the majority and these are the people that are most suspeceptible to engage in anti social behaviour. As you say this is my vantage point influenced by many reasons. I think television and sitcoms are only a portrayal of life so from all that I am influenced by these days, I can’t see how this type of thinking won’t lead to to more unconventional attitudes in other directions. Also physical intimacy to some extent promotes irresponsibility and maybe even infidelity in relationships. Well, that is again my point that comes from many influences. Anyway, I’d like to thank you again for being open minded enough to read and respect my reply. Thank you sir. Have a good day!

irahirs SharonChristy Of course I do. It’s the same with abortions too, especially in olden days when women who conceived prior to marriage were shunned by society. But do remember that every mode of belief had pros and cons. Just by moving away from the old fashioned one doesn’t make the other flawless. I would like to believe that polygamy is in itself a social wrong. Again, great points, food for thought. Thank you!

irahirs SharonChristy Again, great points, food for thought. As for prejudice, prejudice breeds from pride. And without pride, it is impossible to follow certain things like morality. As long as it doesn’t harm another person, I think an amount of self pride or self righteousness as feminists would insist on calling it may be allowed to exist. Prejudice is not very severe these days, at least in the circles I know. A man to want a woman of conventional beliefs, beliefs he’s been taught to respect, I hope that isn’t wrong. Besides, I believe the whole article was written with an ulterior basis in mind. Instead of helping to broaden thinking, it more attacks beleifs that are not advantages to the writer herself. But as I said before, these are entirely my points and though I may not be very persuasive or convincing, I feel strongly for it and wish other people to share my belief. Perhaps it’s a bit selfish but then again, I am human, am not I? But thank you!

diya8782
I am just saying that choosing a partner based on a shell trait- like chastidy, whether they smoke ganja or not etc., is not too wise. A union of 2 people is best made when choices are done based on intellectual and emotional compatibility. These marriages age like red wine.
Marriages, where selection is made on outwardly traits rather than issues such as intellectual & emotional compatibility leads to a dull marriage or a violent one, or a marriage where one or both of the spouses end up cheating, or a broken home.
If you want to buy a second hand truck (for example) based on the paint job and interior decoration, all the power to you….but it’s an unwise way of buying a used vehicle. You need to look at things like engine quality, chassis integrity etc. That is a wise choice. So, selecting a life partner by inward characteristics will objectively work best for you in the longer run.

Choosing a suitor based on salary is also messed up to the CORE. This converts the institution of marriage into an institute of disguised prostitution. This is essentially saying “I give you permission to sleep with my daughter if you make Rs. 60,000 a month!!!”
It is not “right” or “wrong” to say “because men sleep around, women sleep around.” There is nothing “right” or “wrong” in being sexually active or inactive. If you are sexually inactive, fine, but don’t go putting blanket labels on people who are not. THIS is what the writer is saying.

abhisri KarthikSekar Wow abhisri, the amount of baseless assumptions and rude attacks you have made here is innumerable and shocking to say the least. You are one person who is not scrupulous to twist words to suit your own argument. How do you know a man who does not agree with you is insecure yet you have called him so, and you say if you have pre marital intercourse, he would sleep with everyone who looks at him, who is to say you would not do the same and then, how could you say loyalty has nothing to do with chastity. Since you have made a number of baseless assumptions, I will try my hand at one too, you will probably be the founder of this club in the future if you are successfully and who is to say you will not be, so this is the club that will originate from people who think like you, your successors. Now you justify pre marital intercourse with several reasons, your successors will soon be justifying open marriages with several other reasons. You just need reasons to justify yourself, don’t you? Again, baseless assumption, I know but you seem free enough with them, you use enough double standards yourself, why not try some myself too. Ulterior motives lady, don’t corrupt beautiful India, beautiful Tamil Nadu. Not very intellectual was it, neither was this comment of yours! And try not to be perverted and want everyone to keep you company too. Rude was it, so was your comment.

great point divya! This author has nothing but ulterior motives in mind and is not afraid to go to any extent to justify them. This author, this unscrupulous person who twists words who calls people who are not like her bimbos and so on is someone who does not like name calling. Hypocritical isn’t it? Not worthy of notice. And it’s only human to attribute her qualities with her habits, is she such a person because of her habits or is it because of her habits that she’s such a person? I suppose no one would know. This is one woman who is not afraid to stick at anything to justify her own erratic and perverted behaviour, she will generalize, intimidate, accuse and use double standards to achieve her end. I hope that the majority isn’t brainwashed by her and whilst taking her intellectual points and enjoying them for argument’s sake, also see that they all stem from ulterior motives and so are not valid enough. I am happy that you commented. Hope you have a good day Divya8782.

abhisri diya8782 That is completely baseless and judgemental is it not? I am glad you replied. I hope people see how utterly pretentious and funny you are, you would make up stories to attack people who think rationally while not at all reacting to the ones who have reacted, what shall I say, more vehemently. You are going against yourself, lady, people shall be more careful of you. And yes… we get it you are intelligent and rather creative, with your making up and seemingly genuine assumptions which are just carefully prepared material. I am enjoying your comments so far. One sees what extents you are ready to go for justifying yourself. Have a good day abhisri.

The intention behind the article seems perfectly alright. We dont know what character is and often target only women on these grounds. But, I guess author is trying harder to express her frustration rather than making a point with unbiased opinion. I hope we find better authors for the same idea, no offense Niveda 🙂

YoungTamilMan
What is with the assumptions bro? Does a man need to live/ or have lived abroad to make a valid point? To answer your questions, I am from Chennai and have lived here since I was a boy.Judging by what you tell me, Toronto must be a sad place for Tamil girls considering Chennai has become more liberal than ever.Also I ask of you not to judge the wonderful city or its people based on the comments you see here.Sadly everyone gets access to the internet these days 😛

I found this blog from a link in IHM’s website, I can see so many flaws in both the original article and your retort above.
For one, according to several studies referred to in several journals, a high partner count usually points to a lowered threshold of sustaining long term relationships, because of the emotional and psychological baggage involved. It goes for both genders. In the Hindu Indian context, which the author is presumably talking about, marriages are expected to last forever, so I can see why the society evolved that way.
Second, if a man desires a less promiscuous for marriage, it is his personal perjorative, like anything else. His priority. I find it somewhat weird that the author goes around telling men what they *should* like in a marriage partner, just because she is hurt that she doesn’t meet that perference.
Third, it is kind of presumptous to assume that two guys who talked about the girl being unmarriageable, were actually players themselves. For all we know, they were the type of Hindu men who ‘save themselves’ for marriage and expect equally virginal wives. The idea that men play around and then look for virgin wives is somewhat of a feminist fantasy, to fuel the outrage that this apparent ‘hypocrisy’ brings.
Fourth, it is a presumptous to assume that not willing to marry a woman who slept around, as a blot against her character. One’s marriageability isn’t a character certificate.
Not to add, it is silly to decide that a certain topic of conversation between two people shouldn’t happen because she doesn’t agree with how it goes.
It is apparent that despite trying to come off as progressive and with times, the author chooses to hold on to some regressive desi-isms – such as telling others what to like, what not to like, who to marry, what to talk about, etc. I wouldn’t characterise anyone who believes in policing thoughts, personal values and conversations as ‘intelligent’, no matter how to author characterises herself.

SharonChristy You are welcome. First, the insults were deliberate indeed, but not due to intolerance. They were simply a demonstration of what the article was about. So why I insulted you? So that you get a personal taste of what the article is talking about. Didn’t feel nice, did it? I expected you to complain, and you did. Someone criticizing you and calling you names for your chosen way of life and name-calling you for your personal beliefs and lifestyle… that never feels nice. We are quick to criticize those who are different from us. Personally I feel, everyone should be allowed to do anything they want, as long as they are not harming anyone else. That means you are welcome to be as “promiscuous” or “abstain” as much as you wish. It is none of my business if you chose to be a virgin. But just like you did not like me name-calling you or showing utter contempt for your “beliefs”, consider that there are others who may find your patronizing equally repulsive and insulting.
Treat others as you yourself wish to be treated. In western countries, the situation is actually pretty much the reverse, and you will indeed seriously find much of the young crowd mocking you for being a virgin and calling you a loser for not being able to “get someone”. I feel that both extremes are wrong. Seriously, why can’t we in this day and age not mind our own business? If you wish to make a choice that harms no one else, you should be allowed to, without someone else coming and trying to burden you with responsibility of “social upliftment”. If you want to do something for society, you will. If you don’t wish to, no one should be allowed to push you into it. If you are worried about your future kids, maybe you should just make sure they have a thinking head on their shoulders and then let them make their own choices? Making mistakes is a part of life too. And having sex with the wrong person, or one person too many is not such a serious matter anymore. People eventually move on.

If someone tries to find porn and sex, by searching the terms ‘porn’ and ‘sex’ in Google, it implies that Indians are perhaps not experienced enough with porn to know what are the more specific, targeted search terms that would get them the kind of porn or sex they’d want.
In any case, just because someone searches for porn, doesn’t mean they’re hypocrites for wanting a virgin wife. They’d be hypocrites if they reject a woman who watches the same type of porn they do.You’re not even consistent with your arguments or illustrations.

SharonChristy Read my reply above. I fully agree that a good chunk of my reply was pure hypocrisy. That was indeed the point. Am glad that you now agree. I should NOT be trying to “encourage” you to do what *I* think to be “right”. Likewise goes for YOU.
Live and let live is a sensible approach, but for some reason, people want to adopt it only when *they* are attacked. Not when they are being offensive to others. Pretty much like gays and lesbians being told that they are sinners and “doing wrong” and will cause “collapse of society” just by being what they are. (Yes, I just opened a can of worm there). Very intelligent people do that too, even though you and I being straight, should be least threatened by them. I mean none of the gays have a chance of “forcing” their lifestyle on us(I can at least speak for myself), but we are quick to force ours on them. You did not realize it, but your entire piece about “two wrongs” and “encouraging” folks “to do the right thing” was extremely offensive, and pretty much what the article was complaining about.
Since you have been brought up to think of these other folks as “sinners” and their choices as “wrong”, I do not expect my words to do away with an entire childhood of biases. But hopefully the way you felt reading my words, might help you gain some empathy and understand how you were making others feel in your turn. Hopefully, it might at least give you pause and think for a minute or two.

rajkumarin KevinRaphaelIsaac see if you have really done wut u r saying ,,,,then arent u just agreeing with the author….if you claim to b a virgin ,never watch porn…thn sure u can expect a wife to be same too….we are discussing here abt majority….YES majority of indian “boys” who look at all the porn……try their max to sleep with girls…..and thn brand girls who knows somethn abt sex to say the least as character less…….thts hypocracy man

akhimlyngdohdude…obviously thts wut i meant…..wuts there not to b consistent abt…..u mean to tell me majority of indian men..are fine marrying a girl who watches porn?? let me tell u….dere are ppl who wont marry a girl if they had previous boyfriends…..obviously if you are not aware of this ….you must be living in your own world

diya8782 Kid, let us know when you are done getting men to uphold their chastity. Till then you can take your arguments and stuff them you know where. “Serious consequences” indeed. Those who are secure in their sexuality would hardly care, one way or the other(whether they chose to be virgin or not). But you seem pretty worked up, over the idea of your partner having something to compare against and you coming “short” 🙂 … Normally people start talking about “serious consequences” and “effect on society” they usually have their own personal fears in mind.

From my analysis, I hope you are not from Chennai ,Tamil ,India. Because Here teen,girls , women are free from slavery (liberation) , We a young Tamil men having lot of challenges in life. Here in Chennai , Life Style totally changed. But the men never changed as you could analyze from our dressing style, When compared to other states .
Now a days, Some Men having a criteria to leave women/Tamil girls past experience . Everything changes but boy/teen//men(having challenges) never change.
Please write a blog about money because money plays an important role here. Due to that element , we a young Tamil men not even getting meek, beautiful Barbie doll:).
Your blog is good but everything already came. My humble request , please visit Chennai, before write a letter to a young Tamil men.

SharonChristy On the other hand, there are folks who were a virgin when they got married, and chose to satisfy their curiosity about what it would feel like to be with someone else. I know a few. You have been brought up to believe there is a correlations between pre-marital sex and loyalty. There isn’t. Sexual life is a big part of marriage. Hell, there were folks who got married to a guy, only to find out that their partner was gay, and married them due to social pressure. So what should they do now? Divorce is also a taboo in our culture, isn’t it? They were a virgin before marriage, and should stay “chaste” too apparently since fidelity is important too. But even keeping such extreme and rare cases aside, what if your partner was simply terrible in bed? Your vantage point has no answer for that one.
Our culture likes seeing things in black and white. A wife whose husband is dead, has no reason for further existence and must be burned to death. Shariah law, in some regions wants parties involved in pre-marital sex, even if they were rape-victims, to be stoned to death. Killing other living beings is wrong, except when it comes to animals. Ok, we can be vegetarians but that is conveniently ignoring that plants are alive too and can feel pain. So you can see how stretching the black and white can actually cause you to starve to death. A rational person would say, okay I will try the path of least harm, and maybe just say that I will kill(animals or plants) only out of necessity. But pure black and white thinking is a bit too judgmental and does more harm than good, considering that life is actually full of grey.
People do not “become” irresponsible due to one night of having sex with someone, when they were still single. It is the other way around. If you are responsible, you would not cheat on your spouse. There are people who have had sex with 1-2 people while dating to just see what the hype was about, and then found someone they actually loved, and decided to be completely monogamous from that point. They were never necessarily irresponsible. To ignore the existence of such people, is having “tunnel vision” as you accused me of having earlier.
There is entirely also a chance, that if you had experienced great sex before marriage, and your partner is a dud there, and not all that caring either, your knowing that he is terrible, might break your marriage fast. If you were inexperienced and did not know that things could be better, yes your marriage may last longer. No matter what decision we make, there is always a risk attached. That is the definition of life. But you have no locus standi to say that someone who chose a different risk, is always “wrong”.

akhimlyngdoh it’s presumptuous to assume that the author doesn’t meet “that preference”. as far as i can tell from the text we’ve all just read, she nowhere states that she’s not perfectly virginal herself. she just doesn’t see why that needs to be a factor at all.
Further, the line of reasoning you follow regarding the outcomes of those studies is dubious at best. you are mistaking co-relation for causality. one can have several romantic relationships, and come out the worse for them regardless of whether the relationship is sexual or not. the act of sex has nothing to do with it. the sum of all our experiences directs our actions in marriage, as it does in all else. since this is true, then the reverse must apply as well; one may have several romantic relationships and come out all the better for them. nobody questions the length of one’s resume, correct? it’s assumed that you learn and grow from past experience.
But all right. For the sake of argument, let’s undertake to presume that experience is bad, and jades one, and causes interpersonal problems in the future. It follows that we must never have any relationships with anyone at all (and hence never leave our houses). Because romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that leave us with emotional and psychological baggage. what if the betrayal of a friend at fifteen eats away at the marital bond at forty? Having addressed the ‘psychological and emotional baggage’ bit, I don’t even think this argument holds water when applied to the physical aspect of things. if having too much sex makes you enjoy sex less, then it must follow that once married, one should only engages in conjugal bliss when the moon is blue, for fear of tarnishing the very blissfulness of it. Don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty raw deal to me.
Also, while heaps of anecdotal and statistical evidence back up the supposition that a sexual double standard exists, making it perfectly fair for the author to assume that the two men having that conversation would have no qualms about going out and having boatloads of sex themselves, i must clarify for you that she doesn’t actually say that anywhere. what she does do, is make a general statement about men. at no point does she say “those two dudes we met at the beginning? super promiscuous.” however, (and note that this is my opinion and not the author’s) they probably are. while men that are saving themselves for marriage certainly exist, i do not think their numbers stand anywhere near the preponderances required to call the very real sexual double standard a ‘feminist fantasy’. definitely not in our patriarchal and lopsidedly permissive society.
As to desiring someone who isn’t ‘promiscuous’, I personally only ask that the men who hold their prospective wives to those high standards be similarly chaste and mentally/emotionally unencumbered. It’s when dudes that would sooner give their partners an STD as they would a wedding ring make these statements that we come into murkier territory. it’s a problematic situation, and one that is patently unfair and oppressive. it’s not thought control to tell people that they should be monitoring their own privileges and prejudices. look at it this way, you can acceptably be a flaming racist for only as long as you’re quiet about it and do not ever deny anyone anything on account of the colour of their skin. however, because it’s quite hard to think one way and perfectly act another, the author of this article asks that we attempt to change our way of thinking, after thoughtfully articulating the many ways in which the status quo is harmful to a whole bunch of people. i don’t personally see anything wrong with that.
And finally, I suppose I am in agreement with you that marriageability isn’t a certificate of character. However, marriageability shouldn’t be relatable to anything as ridiculous as virginity, which DEFINITELY isn’t a certificate of character. the only thing that virginity can claim to be a certify is that the person in possession of it is probably bad in bed.

sreejithhh I tried to to look for a point in all that stuff you quoted(chemicals, scientific studies), but failed to find one. I will reply to just your last line.
You are welcome to demand your partner to be honest while proposing. Sure. You are allowed to prefer to marry virgins. You are also allowed to demand/prefer to marry only coffee drinkers, trapeze artists, a girl with un-pierced ears, or whatever fancy takes you. Your partner should indeed tell you very honestly that they actually drank tea earlier and should not be offended if you rejected them immediately.
Problem is that people usually are too worried that if they asked their prospective partner questions about whether they ever had tea before, they might get either a hard slap, or be rejected themselves for obsessing over the partner’s past. So apparently the easy solution they have is to force *all* girls to drink coffee. I mean less of a chance of having to marry someone who lied and was actually …*oh the horror*… a tea drinker.
I see your perspective however.

abhisri KarthikSekar
Apparently you are logic
impaired. That happens when you are passionate and biased, and thus look at any
view that seems opposed to yours as a personal attack.
He
simply stated that the ‘not marriage material if you have premarital sex’
condition doesn’t apply only to boys. This has absolutely nothing to do with
any promiscuity-loyalty relation. The only claim his analogy supports is that
girls will probably react the same way as boys with similar views on promiscuity will, when faced with a prospective
life partner who has been sexually active. Why did you change this into a
discussion about promiscuity and loyalty?
That
promiscuity is not a concern as long as a person is loyal, is your opinion. You
have no right to say this is the correct opinion or to deride people who are
against promiscuity as such regardless of loyalty. He made no mention of
loyalty in his post. So again, why did you change this into a discussion about the
relation between promiscuity and loyalty?
And you
didn’t just stop at falsely accusing him of propagating something which he
didn’t do. You go on to insult him and (unjustly) a section of the whole male
gender. Here again, there’s no logic in your argument.The ‘idiots’ you mention
need not be only men. Or do you have any valid scientific study to prove
otherwise?
Who
‘usually’ spreads that stereotype is your opinion, not fact. You have no qualms
about passing off opinion as fact but he isn’t allowed to express his opinion
as an opinion?
And
how is that logic twisted? – if you go to, say, play badminton with someone and
you don’t know anything about it, would you not hope (momentarily at least)
that the other person doesn’t know anything about it or at least, doesn’t
know too much, so that you don’t embarrass yourself in front of them? That is
human nature, not ‘twisted logic’ of some folks. Anyway, why should it be only
men who worry about their ‘lack of experience’ ? Are you saying that no woman
(who is not against promiscuity) ever worries about her ‘lack of experience’ ?
Any valid studies?
As for
the righteousness/morality of virginity, the Indian culture (practices) for the
past few centuries has been that people (both men and women) should have only
one sex partner and that should be their spouse. That is
the basis for the arguments of virginity being righteous and moral. Please
don’t spin anything and everything to fit your argument.
If you
want people to listen to you and accept your views, what you are doing here
won’t help at all.

abhisri diya8782
You refuse to even acknowledge the fact that there are men and women who believe in chastity until marriage just because you are not one of them. You are so narrow minded as to believe anyone who disagrees with you is doing so only because there is something wrong with them. How can you expect anyone to take you seriously? You are the one trolling this thread with your intolerant views when people are having real discussions about the author’s post.

Well written and a bold one too. But I would like to make one correction – this applies to all Indian men, irrespective of the State or country they live in. I grew up in Chennai and have lived in various parts of the country and so am speaking from experience.
I hold both men and women responsible . Firstly, most psychological theories consider food , water and sex as the basic physiological urges. But, we in India give a separate ” place and position” to SEXUAL urge- consider it bad/ a secret, not to be discussed and what not. the day we begin to look at it as a basic urge- all situations such as multiple partners/ pre and extra marital sex will disappear. Simple logic- Food and water are basic urges – Do we ever think of going for breakfast to our neighbour’s house and lunch to another neighbour’s house? Then why do we indulge in satisfying our sexual urges through unacceptable means and then make stringent rules for only the women? why do women accept this rule?
If women considered themselves a pride , a boon to planet earth, no woman would agree to even indirectly support anything that brings down the status of any woman, be it a dialogue in a movie or a newspaper article.
Why do women consent to be semi clad in pictures ? Why should women take the trouble of being “appealing” to men? Do women expect the vice versa from men?
When women decide that there is no need to woo men with their bodies, men too will have no other option but to stop ogling!
It is time men and women stop giving sex the unnecessary podium that it does not deserve!
Indian men and women, are you listening?

I respect people and their opinion but at the same time I hope that others do the same. If the author wishes to be sexually promiscuous thats fine. But my objection is she wants to sexually promiscuous and yet she wants to be called RIGHTEOUS.
Absurd isn’t it?
Its like saying call an orange and apple!!!
I am glad we still have people who can reason out and not just accept. Good day to you Sharon Christy!!!

diya8782 SharonChristy That was both beautiful shares. Thank you Divya. I am glad you could reason so well too, the lady wants company and is trying a lot of funny strategies to get it. Everyone sees it well. Or perhaps she just wanted to share a joke with us, promiscuity equaling righteousness is something that’s funny isn’t it, as you said. But great to read your comments. Great sense and composure in them. Have a lovely day you too!

hello Abhisri, contradicting yourself again there. Mind your own business is the basis of your argument, why don’t you mind your own business if people try to have conceptions about others based on chastity. And as to your lovely justifications, you seem well able to defend yourself, why write this article? As you see, you are quite adept at self justification and accusation and people like you, you say, are intelligent and independent so reverting back to the original question, why bother? Why bother if a person chooses to see you differently according to your choices, why not give him that choice, that right? You would rather force a person to marry you inspite of the fact that he wants to marry a chaste person just because you think it is not right, is it right then not to respect that person for their reasons? Good day again, Abhisri.

abhisri SharonChristy You should not try to encourage your way of life because it is wrong and I am others like me, people with responsibility and decency and respect for others can because it is right. I have tried explaining in various and intelligent terms but since you refuse to see reason or you are bent on justifying yourself, I see further argument is futile. This comment is not just for you abhisri, it is for other people who can see reason, therefore it is self explanatory. Thank you again for reading!

@ShaktiNambiar
I agree that I was being presumptous, but it was on the safer side of presumption. Her article relies heavily on rhetoric and the emotive and outrageous choice of words imply that the issue is personal to her. Unless she habitually uses such language on topics she is dear on, which I have observed, she does not.
I think in the context we’re talking about, correlation is good enough. If someone with a high partner count is more likely to be promiscuous and it has been statistically shown to be so, it is good enough for most people to prioritise against these person(s) for marriage, regardless of the theories of what might be the causal factors involved. As I said, marriage is a one shot for most Hindu people, especially men who are solely burdened with maintenance, alimony and pains of divorce proceedings in most cases; it makes sense that they’d follow a risk averse approach to judging a partner’s suitability for tying the knot. Conversely, it is not uncommon in India to reject men on the grounds that he doesn’t have his own house or other material trappings, as it gives them a perception of weak financial stability.
Although I should say that from my own experience dating women in their mid-to-late 25s, women DO come with a lot of emotional baggage if they had partners in the double digits. Women who had just a handful of long term relationships, like my present girlfriends, are far less jaded and much more positive about life. It is as if women with a lot of past partners want to penalise the man they are with, for all the previous partners’ deeds, faults and shortcomings. Or maybe, for the benefit of doubt, I just happen to meet a lot of crazy women.
And yes, our non-sexual history leaves us with psychological baggage too, and it doesn’t negate the point I’ve been trying to put forth. And I don’t buy the ‘it makes sex less enjoyable’ bit too. Although I should say, sex with the same partner gets borderline intoleratable after a while, regardless of the number of partners one had. If that happens, it is more likely that someone who had a lot of partners in the past wouldn’t be too averse to seeking that thrill outside marriage. (Since both men and women with a lot of partners are aware of how to play the game of seduction, something a virgin man or woman might be out of the loop).
I consider it highly unlikely that two blokes who judge a woman with such a casual lack of discretion would have an easy time getting ‘boatloads of sex’, as you say it. I know it is hard for women to imagine, but unlike women, most men have to take proactive steps to get sex. Even the best looking and most attractive ones amongst us have to take most of the initiative, the woman at best, throw some positive ‘signals’ of interest. This means, very few men actually get to have sex by the boatloads, not in India and not in North America. Most Hindu cultures don’t train men to be seducers, which results in an even more skewed ratio with 0.1% of casanovas getting almost 90% of the sexually available women. So the ones crying for virgin wives and lamenting the promiscuity of women are probably virgins themselves, in which case, it take it with as much seriousness as an overweight Mills and Boons conneiussur complaining that there aren’t enough Greek Gods around.
Of course, the ones who do sleep around and still expect their future wives to be virgins are hypocrites, which I agree with as much fervour as you would. And I don’t really agree that virginity certifies that a partner would be bad in bed. Its again, without correlation since the quality of sex is determined by a lot of factors (chemistry, imagination, creativity, etc.), of which experience is just one part. Most Indians (including women) are not very creative or imaginative, even when they are out of bed – they just follow whatever is ‘in’ or if they want to feel ‘different’, *follow* a less mainstream trend.

I must say, I really enjoyed your argument. Don’t take it as patronising, it is a genuine appreciation of your style and class, something that I found woefully lacking here.

Interesting read!! Definitely Sharing this post.. But i wouldn’t agree with just ‘Tamil men’, I’ve been around and i see this a lot in all the places, so you can’ generalize it to a region alone. Otherwise, very well written and an issue to be addressed !!!

And one more thing. My mom has worked as a feminist for 25 years for the upliftment of women in India. Trust me this is the least of Indian women’s problems. Your use of movies and the Ramayana and random hearsay show that you are simply so misinformed and lack research capabilities. Please choose a different profession.

diya8782 and yet her hypocrite of a mother had a daughter? Did you or the lady in the story think once that she could have meant that it holds back women from lower economical background? My maid has 4 kids and an alcoholic abuser of a husband.Don’t you think she could do better without kids? You are making an argument for the sake of making an argument.I hope you serve men for the rest of your life.

The Good Men of India
BANGALORE, India — IN India today, the rapes of women, from children to
grandmothers, are daily news. Frothy television programs on
sentimentalized family values are interrupted by advertisements for a
new smartphone app: VithU, which allows women in danger, at a double
press of a power button, to send an S O S alert with their location to
predesignated friends and family members.
Universities are debating requiring students to abandon jeans and adopt
formal dress codes, as though the trappings of civilization are needed
to hold at bay the anarchy of sexual violence. Twelve-year-old
schoolgirls are attending rape awareness seminars, in a death of
innocence.
Indian cities are awash with feral men, untethered from their distant
villages, divorced from family and social structure, fighting poverty,
exhausted, denied access to regular female companionship, adrift on
powerful tides of alcohol and violent pornography, newly exposed to the
smart young women of the cities, with their glistening jobs and clothes
and casual independence — and not able to respond to any of it in a
safe, civilized manner. This is the world of women under siege, the
medieval world of the walking undead, the rise of the zombies, targeting
females rich and poor. For women, at least, winter is coming.
In this context, it might appear odd to examine any other variant of the
Indian male. But it is important to do so and to do so now. To bear
witness to an alternate male reality that also pervades India on a daily
basis.
This is what I witnessed on a recent flight from Kolkata to Bangalore.
The plane was typical of budget air travel: full of businessmen and
mothers. The smart flight attendants were young men. The pilot, captain
of the flight deck, was a woman. This is not an uncommon combination in
India these days. I was struck instead by the behavior of the male
passengers.
In most countries, a woman clambering aboard a plane with a fretful
infant and turning a crowded row of six into a de facto row of seven is
usually met with hostility. Here, every other row seemed larded with
these women and their babies. But those stuffy Indian businessmen — men
of middle management, dodging bottles and diaper bags and carelessly
flung toys — they didn’t grumble. Instead, up and down the plane, I saw
them helping. Holding babies so that mothers could eat. Burping infants
and entertaining toddlers. Not because they knew these women, but
because being concerned and engaged was their normal mode of social
behavior. So, I will say this — Indian men can also be among the kindest
in the world.
Women know this. When I asked my friends and acquaintances — both Indian
and expatriate — about their perceptions of Indian men, they mentioned
intelligence, wit and a reverence for learning. Others described
gregarious partners who knew how to relax and enjoy themselves. All of
them talked about commitment and caring. One said, “I love that he is
deeply concerned about his parents.” An Englishwoman said of her
long-term Indian partner, “He makes me feel cherished and taken care of
in a manner I never experienced in the U.K.” Another said of her father,
“He supported my mother through their marriage, through her job, with
the kids, her health, everything.” A 16-year-old schoolgirl echoed this:
“You feel safe with them. No matter what, they will see you home
safely.”
Strong familial commitment is not a phenomenon restricted to the urban
middle classes. Migrant laborers care for wives and children, and still
send money home to their parents. The young woman who was gang-raped on a
New Delhi bus on Dec. 16 had a village-raised father who supported her
ardently. This part of the story is so unsurprising, it rarely makes the
news.
Let me introduce the Common Indian Male, a category that deserves
taxonomic recognition: committed, concerned, cautious; intellectually
curious, linguistically witty; socially gregarious, endearingly awkward;
quick to laugh, slow to anger. Frequently spotted in domestic circles,
traveling in a family herd. He has been sighted in sari shops and
handbag stores, engaged in debating his spouse’s selection with the sons
and daughters who trail behind. There is, apparently, no domestic
decision that is not worthy of his involvement.
There is a telling phrase that best captures the Indian man in a
relationship — whether as lover, parent or friend: not “I love you” but
“Main hoon na.” It translates to “I’m here for you” but is better
explained as a hug of commitment — “Never fear, I’m here.” These are men
for whom commitment is a joy, a duty and a deep moral anchor.
At its excessive worst, this sensibility can produce annoyances: a
sentimentalized addiction to Mummy; concern that becomes judgmental and
stifling; and a proud or oversensitive emotional landscape.
But when it is at its best, the results, in women’s lives, speak for
themselves. If the image of the Indian female as victim is true, so,
too, is its converse: the Indian woman who coexists as a strong
survivor, as conqueror, as worshiped goddess made flesh. Indian women
have served as prime minister and president. They head banks and large
corporations. They are formidable politicians, religious heads, cultural
icons, judges, athletes and even http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/other-states/underworld-don-santokben-jadeja-dead/article1588846.ece.
Modern India has a muscular democracy and a growing economy, both of
which have significantly transformed the lives of women. But female
success, in a place like India with complicated social structures and a
tradition of the Old Uncle Network, doesn’t happen in isolation. A
successful woman is very likely to have had a supportive male in her
life: a father, a spouse, a friend, a mentor.
For his part, the Indian male, when nested in family and community, is
part of a domestic tapestry that is intricately woven and vital, it
seems, to his own sense of well-being. Take that away from him, hurl him
away — and a possible result is a man unmoored, lost, adrift and,
potentially, a danger to himself and to his world. Disconnection causes
social disengagement and despair — and the behavior that is the product
of alienation and despair.

Dear Niveda, I appreciate your effort to express your views, and
encourage you to do so in future too. But, it would be better if you
deliberate a little more broadly and not from only one perspective. Your
article made me write a reply to your question, about where we would go
if we took your suggestion. Here is the link to the post. Let me know
what you think about it. http://areyounotangry.blogspot.de/2013/10/angry-in-different-way.html

akhimlyngdoh
Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed what i had to say.
Firstly, I admit I was under the (incorrect, it would seem) impression that you think any kind of presumption is presuming too much. In my defence, this was based entirely on your previous reaction to what you’d characterized as the author’s presumption. But that’s besides the point. Since you’ve raised the issue of the author’s style of writing, I’ll limit myself to addressing that. I think it is eminently possible to feel strongly about an issue in the abstract, and allow that strength of emotion to inform your writing, even if you do not yourself have any subjective experience of the issue at hand. If this sort of poignant empathy was impossible, then we would have lost out on a great deal of very important work by humanitarians and social reformers, several of whom have never themselves lived through the events they describe. Not to mention the galvanizing effect this work had on others, largely due to the emotions evoked. Putting all this aside though, you must forgive my ignorance, because I fail to see how the author’s chastity or lack of it affects her ability to make the argument she has made. She is not simply arguing for one group of sexually active women; she’s arguing for everyone’s right to do as they please, without fear of an entrenched and inequitable social backlash. As she is not calling for us to universally embrace either promiscuity or the opposite, I hardly think her own sexual status presents enough of a bias to warrant discounting her arguments out of hand.
Secondly, I would argue that it makes more sense to judge fidelity by fidelity, and not by partner count. A person who has had eleven sexual partners, and been sexually faithful to each is hardly likely to be unfaithful to the twelfth. Infidelity is a moral and philosophical premise, a fundamental disdain for the institution of monogamy; it’s not a physical habit you can accidentally pick up. Sleeping with ten people won’t automatically change one’s convictions as to whether those ten should come simultaneously or consecutively; neither will sleeping with none. If you have no regard for the sanctity of a monogamous relationship, you’re not going to be faithful. Your virginity makes not a lick of difference.
Thirdly, as to women coming with a lot of emotional baggage, I’ll simply say: so do men. Everyone does! It would take a rare pair of amnesiacs in love to find a relationship with no marks left by individual personal history. And if people with shorter romantic histories have less baggage, well I suppose that stands to reason. What doesn’t stand to reason is the expectation that this should somehow guarantee a smooth relationship. I would argue the opposite, in fact. Because if having lots of relationships can bring emotional baggage, it can also bring emotional maturity, and the ability to weather the hard times. Not in everyone, but then again not everyone with a long and storied romantic history is going to be correspondingly crazy. Personally, I think a person’s romantic history will (ideally) allow them to formulate a clear understanding of what they expect from a relationship, and teach them to accept no less. I do understand how that might be a problem for the partners of such people, though. They might even be less ready to submit themselves to such exacting standards than they are to deal with a crazy girlfriend or boyfriend’s paranoid raving.
Fourthly, I do think it negates your point, actually! If non- sexual relationships may leave damaging repercussions (among other things), and sexual relationships may leave damaging repercussions (among other things), but ONLY sexual relationships are faulted for causing said damaging repercussions, and therefore ONLY sexual relationships are placed under an embargo enforced by societal and cultural censure… well surely you can see that sex isn’t the problem here. You said it yourself, all the crazy women you meet are punishing you for all the things their ex- boyfriends did wrong. ALL the things. Not just the sex things. I would tentatively venture that those women would probably have been treated the same way (and therefore treated you the same way) had they been having wild monkey sex twice a day or just holding hands across a table. In which case I suppose the answer would be to espouse a regime that forbids dating, or any contact between the sexes, really, to avoid all these messy eventualities. As to boredom leading to “thrill seeking” outside marriage, I think the point I’ve made in the second paragraph of this response stands.
Fifthly, I must apologize for my blatant hyperbole. “Boatloads of sex” wasn’t in the least bit accurate, I completely agree. Actually, I agree to the extent that I must mention a statistic you’re no doubt familiar with– that the average man only has nine partners in a lifetime; the average woman, four. Therefore the entire argument about double digits and the negative consequences of too much sex appears to be immediately rendered redundant. NOBODY is having too much sex. Therefore, once again, I’m forced to conclude that any emotional or behavioural problems a relationship faces exist separate from the sexual history of its constituents. (However: nine partners on average? Perhaps a small rowboat, after all?)
Finally, I admit, I could’ve phrased that better. You’re absolutely right, virginity really doesn’t mean anything. At all.

Juncando The ramayana & sundry films are cultural artifacts, and therefore perfectly valid sources of cultural critique. As to hearsay, I must admit I didn’t find any when I read the article; perhaps you could point me to the sections you are referring to?

How do we decide if a particular sexual act is morally right? This is obviously a hard question. But we can begin by considering the easy cases. Most of us will agree, for instance, that rape, prostitution, and sexual addiction are “morally wrong”. On the other hand, most of us will agree that consensual sex within the context of marriage is “morally right”. Where people’s opinions begin to diverge — and passionately so, based on the comments to this article — is when we think about two types of practices:
1) Consensual sex within the context of a committed, but non-marriage, relationship: under this category falls such things sex with a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancee, etc.
2) Consensual sex within the context of a non-committed relationship: under this heading falls such things as a one-night stand, “friends with benefits”, etc.
What’s the best way to determine whether each of these are “morally right”? I propose the following rule: does the behavior improve the well-being of the individual (assuming that it does not harm other individuals in the process)?
“Well-being” is admittedly a fuzzy and ill-defined concept, but one way to think about it is that it is the result of roughly two underlying components: pleasure and a sense of purpose (this is an approach proposed by Aristotle long ago, and several philosophers and psychologists have found it valuable). Some practices improve both pleasure and a sense of purpose, and can thus be clearly said to be “morally right”. For instance, listening to a very moving piece of music can produce both sensory pleasure and a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. Other practices, however, can lead to a conflict or tension between pleasure and a sense of purpose. For example, addictive drugs clearly enhance pleasure, but when taken over time can severely reduce one’s deeper sense of purpose, by producing dependence on the drug, social isolation, prevention of seeking other fulfilling life activities, disturbances in thinking, etc. For this reason, addictive drugs might be said to be “morally wrong”.
The key question here is whether (1) and (2) can improve the well-being of the individual? I’ll leave this question up to you.
Ultimately, I think it is deeply wrong for a cultural value system to make individuals feel guilt, shame, and worse — feel that they are inherently and irreparably damaged — for pursuing things in life that they genuinely believe will improve their personal well-being. So, if an individual believes that having sex either within a committed (but non-marriage) relationship, or a non-committed relationship altogether, will improve their overall well-being, society should not intervene and pass judgment.
In the broadest sense, the question of whether individuals can have pre-marital sex is not really a question about sexual freedom. It’s a question about a person’s right to pursue happiness. And I don’t think culture should punish people for that.

diya8782So in what way does the article you posted take away from Niveda’s article? Lavanya Sankaran’s article is beautifully written. So is Niveda’s. They deal with related but slightly different topics. What are you trying to say Diya that we are not hearing so well? Are you trying to convince a bunch of liberals to go back to medieval thinking? Won’t happen. Its against the laws of gravity and evolution. Because acceptance and liberal values come after a lot of deep thinking, arguments, discussions, overcoming cultural brainwash(the toughest step!), walking in another’s shoes even if they are ill-fitting, understanding another’s pain, being forgiving of another’s faults and being humane…..

Recognize the legitimacy of extramarital through the liberalization of sexual union.
in this way … feminists seek to delegitimize marriage and destroy the Tamil patriarchal family to impose modern Western decadence . Historically marriage is linked to the patriarchal family and she still is today. Punish extramarital sexuality of women and consequently the men ….. is the only way to ensure our paternity . If marriage comes into competition with the extramarital union then it loses its original meaning.
Love marriage is a utopia of the West , love as the foundation of marriage is a Judeo- Christian heritage. Cohabitation destroy marriage because it is this institution that was born the patriarchal family. It is the will of all feminists .

Delegitimize such behavior is only guaranteed the survival of the marriage and family Tamil … I repeat marriage the patriarchal family is guaranteed to our paternity .
The true family is patriarchal … In the West, feminists won ! The modern family based on love marriage or cohabitation is unstable. It compromises the future of society . Fathers disappear and this is normal because the patriarchal family is dead.

Recognize
the free sexuality is no longer recognize the constraints of marriage which
guarantee the stability of the family and our fatherhood. The consequences are
numerous: divorce, marital instability, liberalization of abortion etc. …
In the long
term this is a threat to the values ​​of the Tamil family and our culture …
I repeat
this is the dream of all feminists …Recognizing that cohabitation sexual freedom, it weakens the marriage and thus the patriarchal family. But the author does not tell us
anything. ^^
In my case, I prefer to marry a virgin and pure woman like our mother …. Modern prostitutes, we do not want that!! 😛
: P I’m Sorry
for my English sometimes approximate … 😛http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDo_JBFgH3k

@abhisri: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFAdlU2ETjU Here is the link for you regarding the role of oxytocin and testosterone. for the rest you may lookup for the works of steven pinker, desmond morris, helen fischer et. al. For the part regarding fre will you may rad the book titled “The self illusion by Bruce Hood or look up for a talk by Sam Harris with the same title in youtube. I strongly believe that a person’s past has a lot to do with a person’s present and future. That never is an irrelevant question. And as far as I observed, it is the ladies who are more offended with the questions about their past than guys. Equating Male and Female sexuality on straight basis is stupidity. Men and women are not the same. They are mirror images of each other. I would appreciate if you talk straight about sex rather than using the coffee, tea euphemism. Makes it harder for me to digest. (I hope, I am talking to an adult here). No need to sound culturally more appropriate here. there is nothing personal in this discussion.

abhisri SharonChristy Abhishri dont talk about indian culture’s drawbacks (gandharva vivah and stuff) when those things were happening women were given less priority than horses in the middle east and women were treated as sex objects in Europe. Every culture progresses from the past and so have we till the onset of western culture. we are not here to talk about those if so make a separate thread. About ur majority opinion stuff, well I have friends in India,Singapore,Germany and US and have seen first hand how both boys/girls of Indian origin wait to have sex with their life partners (in spite of all the temptations and accessibility here). Now when some1 goes through the trouble of waiting of the perfect one, then it is their right to expect the same from their partners. Yes India is progressing, we have nothing against women who wear short dresses as long as it is not too offensive. The same goes for boys too, will u like it if a boy wears a sexy gigolo outfit and walks in the street in front of our children
. There are limits to the freedoms that a person has that those freedoms comes with responsibility. I wont say ur way of life (of sleeping around a lot with strangers) is wrong, its just a different way of life. But dont tell me to accept ur way of life i find ppl like that offensive and I avoid them. So don go around preaching that ur way of life is better or anything. P.S dont talk about our history here , from the looks of it u have no understanding of our past or the greatness.

NIvedha you can have your freedom. Yes you can. Nobody is stopping you. Your urges and expectations of life are normal. Others observations/what-others-say should not bother you if you are convinced that what you are doing is right. I personally can accept your lifestyle.
But! But! We Tamil men, have our ways. There are places in the world where-in nudism or toplessness is accepted, and there are places where in some cultures where women cant even expose their face in public. I hope you agree that these are extremes. In life what is important is to achieve, is the perfect balance. Eg. Work life balance, etc.. So in this context where is the balance? what is the ideal point where you can say that you are not in either side of the extremes. For most Tamil men and most Tamil women the balance is in virginity. Period.
There are people who have a different balancing point. It is normal. But the key thing that everyone of us should be asking ourselves is, are we maintaining the balance or are we being weak and just letting ourselves loose to the situation and shifting to the extremes.

I really have to agree with your view here, not that i have any issues with women who are naturally shy or modest but depicting sexuality in a bad light is so common in our culture. In fact, anything sex related is considered taboo for our culture although there is definitely more freedom for the men to do anything they want. I’ve had an experience with an uncle of mine that clearly gives u a clearer picture, He said that women should not study much because they are going to end up in the kitchen anyway. He further commented that girls/ladies also should looks slim and trim and should know how to do housework perfectly. I am pretty sure this kind of uncle is in every Indian family or any culture giving more freedom to the male counterpart.
Being sexually active has nothing to do with our character. If the same question is asked to the men whether they are still virgin, they will most likely falter or refuse to answer. They can go on to say that them being a virgin has nothing to do with us. I am not saying all the men are being like that.The level of hypocrisy that women has to face these days is really absurd. Makes me wonder where did Kamasutra came from or who created the Temples of Khajuraho….

All these barbaric activities against women are carried only in the name of Hinduism or any other religion, Religions are created in such a way by men to suppress women with her own consent and willingness, Hinduism says women is married to men only to serve him even after his death by forcefully killing her by burning her with his husband`s carcass(SATI- a practice was in India untill british banned it) and in Islam its very clear women are not even allowed to go out with out burqa but male can have number of wives to serve him and a lot more in Islam and Hinduism those are vital, in christianity there is word in bible stating `Woman should not have any control over man` So all religious preaches that women has no dignity and should be only under men, so no women can attain her rights or dignity without ditching the religions which ditches women…..

Two months back,I too wrote a somewhat big article on this sexually inactive femininity and the sexually aggressive masculinity! : https://www.facebook.com/notes/srivatsan-raghavan/of-evolved-apes-and-its-rapes-part-i/521141794634927

I do not agree with this. If you want to have sex why don’t you get married and do it 3 or mores time a day, do you think anyone will call you any names or think it is a big issue. Honestly do you feel is OK to lower your moral standards because somehow you feel that this is the way you can liberate yourself. Are you not disgusted by the way that women are portrayed as sex objects. Do you feel that being sexually active you can earn the respect of your peers. Honestly you are confused.

Historic judgement by The Honorable Mr. Justice C. S. Karnan
This Court is of the view that if a women aged 18 or above has a sexual
relationship with a man, aged 21 or above, and during the course of
such relationship, if the woman becomes pregnant, she would henceforth
be treated as the ‘wife’ and the man would be treated as the ‘husband’.
Even if the girl does not become pregnant after having such sexual
relationship with a man but if there is strong documentary evidence to
show the existence of such relationship then also the couple involved in
such acts would be termed as “wife” and “husband”.http://tamilculture.com/an-open-letter-to-young-tamil-men/
Ms. https://www.facebook.com/niveda.anandan?directed_target_id=0 your opinion NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IS more valid in Tamil Nadu (after the historic judgement by The Honorable Mr. Justice C. S. Karnan) in Tamil Nadu
Scientific JUDGEMENT
1) Abortions leading to death of the girl lady by unqualified practitioners WILL be avoided
2) No more cases of Ms. Vinothini (acid attack victim), for we men are not yet civilised to hold our nerves and emotions
3) no more $$$ Rs. Rs. Rs. challenges by the girl boy involved
4) no more cases like the movie ஆதலால் காதல் செய்வீர் where the infant becomes orphan…girl and the boy disowning the infant
*****BOTTOM LINE*****

In Tamil Nadu if a spinster girl (18+) and a bachelor boy (21+)
indulges in sexual encounters not relating to $$$$ Rs Rs Rs Rs THEY ARE
CONSIDERED HUSBAND AND WIFE LEGALLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
THE BOY or THE GAL (involved in the sexual encounter {NOT RELATING TO
$$$) JUST GO TO THE NEAREST POLICE STATION (IN TAMIL NADU) INFORM THE
POLICE THAT HE / SHE HAD A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER…
HE / SHE BECOMES THE HUSBAND / WIFE TO THAT GAL / BOY
LEGALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY

There is a gross generalization that tamil men go astray. It might be true in foreign countries but tamil men here in India , to be more specific generally wait till marriage for their women. Only a few city bred Casanovas indulge in premarital sex. There are still a huge number of us who value the sanctity of marriage. I wonder what meaning marriage holds for people who already had sex before tying the knot. Seriously !! . I speak for myself and at least 95% of my friends. And yeah we have had a lot of chances if you know what I mean !! I have been to more than 2 western countries where sex sells so cheap. Honestly , tell me what prevented us from going to a prostitute if we go by your argument that guys who are virgins are those who didn’t get any chance. I am well withing my rights and entitled to want a girl with no previous relationship experience.Who the hell are you to say I shouldn’t ?

sundar the author is not referring to south indians like you. Tamil is a Lankan language and thus has nothing to do with you people so stop coming here posting racist comments claiming that you people are ‘Tamils’. You people can speak english does that make you people English like the real english people? The author is not interested in Madrassi males like yourself so back of and talk about chennai in a south indian forum! Who the hell are you a Madrassi to come here to a Lankan website and make comments? Lankan people want nothing to do with you people.

Vijayan_09 sundar Serupala adi! Your women will open their leg for everyone and call it tamil culture and everyone has to be quiet. Who said Tamil is a lankan language? Next time shout genocide and ask for T.N help! Baadu!

Opinion_Puli Vijayan_09 sundar what do u base that opinion madrassi? At least we have good looking women and don’t need to hire north indians to act in our movies. Who said? ha ha its recorded in history that Tamil was developed during the Sangam held in Lemuria. it is you racist madrassis who caused the genocide in lanka. U people with no identity stole the tamil language and like the idiots you are called yourself ‘tamil’ only to confuse the malayalees that the real Tamil speaking people of Lanka are related to you dark skinned people. The malayalees created the fake 2002 ceasefire which resulled in the genocie. U people not only do not have an identity but are robbers who cause genocide as well. No Lankan would ask for a madrassi persons help, it is ur people who caused the war thus u have to fix it. What is your identity madrassi?

Opinion_Puli Vijayan_09 sundar ha ha u people call ur state ‘tamil nadu’ when it is not even your language. why don’t u call your state england since u madrassis with useless movies can also speak english?

Vijayan_09 Opinion_Puli sundar In our movies? Edu pa unga movies? You mean the rap videos on youtube? Madrasi caused genocide? I have a feeling you are a sinhalese or a muslim from Srilanka.. Nice nice… kalaku kalaku

Opinion_Puli Vijayan_09 sundar what movies do u have? U don’t even use your own language in your movies and u claim we don’t have movies. Why the question mark, I’ve already explained how Madrassis are hated by other Indians especially the Malayalees who control the Indian government. They mistakenly thought the better looking Ceylonese are related to you people. Why am I a Sinhalese now? How come everytime I point this out to the Madrassis they start claiming I’m a Sinhalese. Just explain why I’m a Sinhalese. What is ‘nice nice’ lol it is nice that u now know u have no language ha ha.

Opinion_Puli Vijayan_09 sundar hide and seek? U claim I’m Sinhalese yet u provide no evidence an only make yourself look like a desperate fool because u knowI’ve trashed u in this debate. What are you doing here in the first place? This is a Lankan forum and we do not want Madrassis here, go comment in your own forum. I ain’t gone past high school that is why I’ve proven u madrassis do not have your own language and that you racist people are the cause of genocide in Lanka. Now get out and don’t come back here madrassi, cos Lankans do not want anything to do with you people.

The World Is what it is, people are who they are and ideologies will always exist. A simple article will never change the world or the obvious inequalities within it. The females that are constantly making a point of reminding the non-believers should spend more time chatting with the people that do believe and look past those sorts of things. Change is created through the masses by helping to guide like-minded individuals together.
The dudes that are into the “chaste” girls should not be persecuted because of the feminist ideals of anyone. We were born with preferences, raised to make decisions and will live the lives we want. Ladies, I don’t disagree with the author but I do feel the anger of feminism within those words. Hang with the people that accept you, forget those who don’t and maybe articles like these won’t need to exist.
Niveda, whoever yo are, I think you are extremely well written but just chill – not everything is something, y’know?

It is not just men… the simple fact is, it depends on your upbringing and family values like orthodox or moderates or liberals… its not like one particular view is right and another is wrong… (applies to comments below)

and to the author

there is a next category called hypocrites… unfortunately u ve chosen a hypocrite… hence the article… choose wisely next time…

sabai why r u bringing religion into this… have u read hindu
scripts… can’t talk for islam because i do not know about it… i can
show proof in contrary to ur comment. its just that corrupt minds
corrupted beautifully written script… for instance DEVADASI: the
concept is so beautiful. they take care of the temple and perform rituals and enjoyed a high
social status. they choose a man according to their wish to have sex and their level of respect or in common term hierarchy
was just next to GOD and KING… but over the time it purely became
prostitution….
regarding ur point on SATI it was a practice by some of the Indian communities which was originally an option given to the wife if she doesn’t wish to continue after her husband dies… however, THE HINDU SCRIPTS EXPLICITLY FORBIDS WOMEN from THIS PRACTICE ESP IN KALI YUG.
pls do not go tangent from the topic and talk about things which u do not know completely in first place…

aish176 Vijayan_09 prove that lankans are indians you racist! Go learn the definition of racism, because those 2 south indians coming here thinking this forum is refering to them is racist! You are the racist here claiming lankans are indians, when you south indians have no language or identity of your own, but steal the tamil language and now got the nerve to claim that Lankans are indians. You jokers really have the nerve. lol just explain to me how the Lankans have so much better features than you south indians who can’t even get your own actresses to act in your so called movies which do not even use your own language? south indians are definitely one of the most racist people on this planet. Your people with no identity have been trying to steal the Lankan identity by calling yourselves tamil which is equal to every other genocide that has occured like the holocaust.

Vijayan_09
@Vijayan_09 See this is what I hate. You’re trying to prove yourself correct every single damn time. YOU need to understand the definition of racist because you’re using it in the wrong way. Racism is discrimination against a different race.
So if someone said to you, are you black, white, oriental or indian? Which one would you choose, eh? Would you said “None of them, because I am Lankan.” They’ll be amused and take Indian as your answer.
I understand that Sri Lanka is whole different country in itself and it is situated right next to India but I assume you don’t get along with Madrassis in particular, right? Do you get along with North Indians?
If you think about the start of human life, we originated from Africa and then we traveled to different countries, some drifted off to China, others to South America, Great Britain and America etc. etc., and then we have people who settled in India. Maybe these people who were in India came up with Tamil (In Sri Lanka) then some people in Sri Lanka then moved to South India and developed a slightly different form of Tamil. So you have two variations of Tamil. Just like in English, “proper” English is where it was spoke in Britain, but then some people went to America/Australia/New Zealand/ and made English sound a little different but you can still understand these people. Think about it…
About not having actresses or actors and movies, yeah we use our own dialect of Tamil in the movies and tamilian actresses and actors are amazing. Your question is?
So to round off, I can pretty much assure you that South Indians are not racist at all; we have more racism between other cultures which end up in more catastrophe. This is very much a pointless argument unless you have a worthy point to it. You made no sufficient point that is considered logical – next time, use logic in your answer please.
Yours sincerely.

aish176 Vijayan_09 racist madrassi, you have tried to evade the topic like the racist you are but my facts have stumped you. Why don’t you openly say that Lankans are indians because you would be sued in court immediately. The fact that you are claiming lankans are indian without any proof is racist and will land you in court. You idiot have you not heard of a race called Lemurian? I am a Lemurian which is far bigger piece of land than south india. in fact many of your poor people try to migrate to australia. Why don’t u madrassis like to live in your own land? I can assure you many people can tell the difference between you madrassis and us Lankans and laugh when you dark people try to be associated with us. Why do you people have such an inferiority complex?

aish176 Vijayan_09
so you hate when you’re proved wrong, go change your attitude then or just don’t make ignorant comments. Using it in a different way? U clearly don’t understand its meaning because racism is one race taking the identity of another race and claiming it as their own!

Racist south indian, why don’t show that Lankans are indians rather than trying to prove your point based on the false opinions of others. Lol you can see youtube comments where white people have laughed at your racist people saying ugg these ugly women when you madrassis put up racist videos of ‘hot tamil women’ because the White Canadians are used to seeing good looking Lankan women. Actually you retard answer this question. Is the professor the student of the pupil or the pupil the student of the professor? The answer is obviously the pupil is the student of the professor so in the same way you indians speak a lankan language so how can lankans be indians. Futhermore racist madrassi, Lankans are the same race as the australian aboriginals and have nothing to do with your unwanted featureless people who are hated everywhere you go whether it be india or malaysia.

There is a good video on youtube about origins of Lankans you should watch it because you are a typical racist madrassi with an inferority complex. Who are your tamilian actresses? so now you people are a language and why don’t you call yourselves english?? why don’t you answer my previous statements instead of evading them like the idiot you are? So my points that you madrassis are racist, that you people have no language is not logical? Yes you are a waste of time. the fact u keep trying to claim lankans are indians just proves you are a racist just like 99% of madrassis.

Vijayan_09
One of your new year’s resolution should be to calm down and get along with everybody.

DEFINITION

Oh, I’m sorry but the dictionary doesn’t state the racism is when one race takes the identity of another… nope, this is non existent.. instead it says that racism is “the belief that races have distinctive cultural characteristics determined by hereditary factors and that this endows some races with an intrinsic superiority over others”. Brilliant, glad that I’ve educated you correctly 🙂

COLOUR

People are different colours because of how genes and hereditary works. Some colours are more dominant than others. Let me explain to you how genetics works. So basically, different pigments have different strengths of “power” in terms of colour. E.g – brown is far more dominant than white. However, the probability of two genes coming together from both mother and father that are the same colour can vary. You can’t always say that there is a 100% chance that if one parent is brown and the other parent is a deep brown colour, their children will be of deep brown colour (most likely but cannot always be certain) because say if the parent who has a deep brown complexion is carrying a gene that codes for white and by chance, the white colour gene mixed with the gene for brown comes into effect.. then the children will be pale brown. So to generalise and say that all of Madrassis are “dark” is an understatement. I’m not dark at all, in fact I’m tan or so-called “olive” coloured.

BEAUTY

Nobody in this world is ugly. Don’t you EVER say that someone or some people are ugly. “What goes round, comes back around”. Nobody is born ugly; we’re all blessed with beauty which God has given us. He’s made us beautiful for a reason.
However, people’s complexions change due to lifestyle and how they take care of themselves. So to say that Madrassis are ugly, is basically disrespecting God’s own creation. You should think before you speak.

CULTURE

I get along fine with any culture and I’m used to being surrounded by various people from all over the world. But you seem to have a problem with mixing with other people, I doubt you like any Madrassi… Change how you look at other people. But first change how you look at yourself before judging others. That always helps 🙂
We obviously speak a different dialect of Tamil. There are many different types of dialect in Tamil. Please don’t think that Tamil is a Lankan language and therefore anybody else who speaks our language is stealing it… NO. JUST NO.

ACTORS AND ACTRESSES

Go look up “Tamil actors” and there will be a Wikipedia page listing the numerous actors and actresses there have ever been. Don’t underestimate the number of talented Tamilians there are in this world.

CONCLUSION

“racist like 99% of Madrassis” – Wow, I am really? Like please, “wake up and smell the grass” as they say. Why do you generalise so much, eh? I guess you’ll never meet Madrassis, shame because we are cool, you just don’t see us that way. If you like to be different so be it, no one is stopping you.

aish176 Vijayan_09 Firstly madrassi, why do you even come to this forum? Go to your own forum pathetic racist. Secondly you claiming that ‘I would like to be different’ just shows how racist you madrassis are. The fact is I am different. Lankan people are cleaner, have our own language and identity, smarter and have nicer features compared to you racist people. Lankan people are also not theives who copy other people’s language and are not racist to tell other races who they are. Enough said. I’ve thrashed all the madrassis that have come here so far and you want to start, just shows how madrassis like you never learn. You educating me? so tell me how are lankans the same as you racist people? Also you speaking a dialect does not make it your language.

How are you a ‘tamilian’. Again shows that you are racist, copying a lankan language and having the gall to use the name of a lankan language to identify yourself as you people HAVE NO identity. Your wasteful explanation about skin colour again shows you people have no arguments. Lankans are fairer and madrassis are darker as simple as that.

Yes God created lankans as more attractive, smarter and with a language, so suck on that. That is your negative karma. Instead of being humble most of you madrassis are very arrogant.

Now get out of this forum and I dare you to speak like this in a chinese or white forum, they will throw racist trash like you out. Lankans, Maldivians and Australian Aboriginals are one people and we will not let you racist rejected south indians come and destroy us.

Tell me how Tamil is not a lankan language? lol why don’t u tell the english that u madrassis speak indian english?

BTW, unlike you I can respect other races. I don’t claim a white person is lankan or a chinese person as lankan whilst you do. So first get out of this forum, show respect to lankan people before preaching. You as I have shown are racist in many ways.

Vijayan_09 sundar
can you really be more deluded?? I do sympathize with your cause, but honestly, that is all we Indian Tamils can do my friend. Your claims that you are the real tamils will never change the facts. I do understand the animosity between the tamils across the sea. But your comment is born more out of utter hatred. So carry on and hate us. The fact is, we, The Indian Tamils live in the most peaceful place in the world. You wanna call us cowards?? Yes we are. You think you are brave and fight for your freedom?? Yes, you are and you do. So go ahead and hate us. We dont and will never hate you. You will always be TAMIL BROTHERS to us and we will wish well and pray for you. Unfortunately, that is all we can do for you.

aish176 Vijayan_09 firstly racist madrassi it is not my problem to listen to your rubbish on a lankan forum. Go and find a madrassi forum and talk your nonsense. You can’t even answer any of my rebuttals yet you still come here trying to have the last word and again showing your madrassi racism. You got burned. I’ve been warned? ha ha ha your racism was thumped by the truth and if you can’t accept you people have no language and are not wanted by north indians that is not my problem. Lol you beggars than come to lankan people and try to deceive us to destroy us. We all know that Lankans are far better looking than you dark skinned people so don’t ever dare try and say you are the same us! I wasn’t talking specifically about myself I’m talking of lankan people having nothing to do with you dark skinned madrassis and yes we are better looking.

terlyndo1011 madrassi why don’t you go to your own forum and talk about your own dark skinned madrassi girls. racist madrassi, the author has nothing to do with your madrassi people so stop embarrasing yourself can claim you are tamil. lol why don’t you claim you are also punjabis. Trying to claim your tamil because of your unattractive and dark features?

Vijayan_09 epaul Who are you to say who should be here? This is not YOUR site or even your post. Who said only people belonging to the same community as the site admin or authors should visit that site? Do you even understand the concept of internet? I think not.

SivaVj Vijayan_09 aish176 the proof?? I have already given the proof, why don’t you read it first, or can’t you read??? Random words?? You clearly do not understand english because a person who speaks someone else’s language is a beggar. Where did I say dark skinned people are not beautiful? Why don’t you stop putting words into my mouth because I stated madrassi people are not good looking and also dark skinned. How can I be racist when I am fighting the racist you idiot? Stating that a factual response to a racist madrassi who claims that lankans are related to her unattractive bunch by pointing out the difference is not racist. Go and learn english before coming, because the only reason you comment here is because you have no other life and crave attention.

Vijayan_09
I have given you all the bloody proof you need. You have problem analysing the information that I provide you. You’re the one that is not giving any scientific evidence. You’re the one that’s just blurting out claims. BACK YOUR CLAIMS UP WITH ACTUAL EVIDENCE.
(I read everything you give me, but it’s sad that you don’t read anything of mine really.
I can read, write and speak English perfectly fine; you obviously don’t like it when I start to talk scientifically in English).

I’ve given you the evolutionary explanation – you didn’t understand that. I’ve given you the biological explanation – you didn’t understand that either.
So now I will give you the psychological explanation to aggression because you’ll understand that really well.

“The male sex hormone testosterone is thought to influence the behaviour of aggression from young adulthood onwards and it is due to the actions into the brain area that are involved in controlling aggression.

Research to support this comes from Dabbs et al who measured salivary testosterone in violent and non-violent criminals. Those people with high levels of testosterone has a history of violent crimes whereas those with the low levels has committed the non-violent crimes.

This study has a major limitation; the use of using criminals in the experiment means that Dabb’s experiment lacks ecological validity because we cannot generalise the findings of the research to the wider population.

Aggression can also overlap with dominance. Mazur said that we should distinguish between aggression and dominance. Many individuals act aggressively when they want to harm others, whereas they act dominantly if their wish is to achieve something or if they want to gain status over another person. In humans, the homrone testosterone, when influenced on testosterone on dominance is likely to be expressed in more varied and subtle ways, for example, through status-striving behaviour”

This is called evidence. You give a statement: “male sex hormone testosterone ….. behaviour of aggression” and then you give some evidence “Mazur” and “Dabbs et al”. Evidence does not need to be studies, they just need some explanation to back up your point.
I could go on and on but I don’t want to bore you, not that you’ll take this into consideration anyway.

You need to grow up and stop nit picking on everything without giving any proper empirical evidence because it’s making me want to add some brain cells into your brain because I think you’ve lost quite a lot whilst arguing with other people.

rajkumar1988 diya8782 LOL culture-less? Oh so any country that follows a culture that you disagree with is culture less………Yeah, the west is more sexuality liberated. They are more open to talk about sex…… This doesn’t make them “immoral”, just because in your country sexuality is taboo…. Also what good does that do to your nation? Second largest number of HIV infected citizens….Extremely sexually repressed men because of which their are so many rapes….

Yeah in the west people have accepted that humans have no right to call sex, something natural, as taboo….. Humans didn’t come up with it…. In the west parents talk about sex openly to their children but that doesn’t mean everyone goes around having sex all the time…………………………. Only when you are educated properly do you understand your limits and consequences. Not by being silent and labeling something as “taboo”

aish176 Vijayan_09 why do you still come back here racist south indian. Why don’t you go and join your own community instead of bothering lankans, or wait you have just an inferiority complex you have to keep coming back how sad. Why don’t you respond to the points I’ve made instead of trying to evade it and what about the video that I put up, need more proof. You couldn’t even answer how you madrassis are average looking at best and dark skinned and had a cry about it yet no answer. Why are your people rejected by north indians. Just explain how your skin is dark and of poorer quality to Lankans?

aish176 Vijayan_09 racist madrassi, don’t hide here, openly debate me and your nonsense will humiliate you. Why don’t you join a chinese forum. ha ha they will throw you out in a second. Just explain how you people who are disliked by north indians are related to lankans. Just explain that.

solution is simple: don’t marry a misogynistic, mother-worshipping Tamil man! I would never consider such narrow minded scum. I’m a NRI studying to be a scientist, so I uphold the values I believe in like education and reverence for tradition, but I am sexually liberated and very free thinking as well. Luckily white guys appreciate both my opinionated, curious nature and my sexual prowess.

If you guys look at the rest of the world, we are far behind than any other countries apart from these type of life, we might all know that Tamil language were the first language formed in the world than any other language spoken these days, but we all have not fully grown inside neither of done anything that world to be proud of it. Western countries & We all are happy to accept the fact that Kama Sutra was introduced by Hinduism also happy & proud to be accept that we invented something that people like and use on a daily basis. But if you compare Western native females with rest of the world, Tamil female are far amateurish and in most case their are wannabes.

Amanda94 I’m a regular TC reader and have been one for the past few years. They’re not a Sri Lanka focused publication but a Tamil focused one. There are over 70 million Tamils around the world and only about 3-4 million are actually from Sri Lanka. I don’t think they’re trying to cause divide as you seem to think but rather provide niche content for a group of people with similar lifestyle and entertainment interests.

poornima16 No sweet heart, the conversation is about your attitude. Just because some tamil guys broke your heart, you assume all tamil guys are jerks and now go for cool white dudes. So if white guys broke your heart, whom will you go to? Aliens?

Settling down is a chore for any guy. Banging around is good fun. Just saying.
Not like I am a huge fan of either south asian or western culture. Both has it flaws.

I am not trying to imply all tamils have this attitude, I am tamil after all. I specified that I would never date a *misogynistic* tamil man, like the great many responding in these comments. It would actually be my dream to meet an educated, liberal tamil man but I’ve simply never come across one!

Pandit Well kid, generally in South Asian communities in diaspora, its pretty much the fate. Western society has demonised South Asian men. When was the last time have you seen a brown guy in a serious role? Media plays a huge role in dating. You don’t see many black women dating white guys. Why is it so? Because hollywood continue to portray white women dating black guys not vice versa.
South Asians are either nerdy doctors or Cab drivers.High status south asian guys generally marry outside of race, the others don’t have a choice. LOL.

Anyway its easier for a girl to get laid than a guy in any ethnic group. For a guy, sex is better than M***ba**on that night, so any girl does fine.Don’t need to choose. For a girl, his social status, physique, sense of humour, qualification and etc matters. She isn’t gonna sleep with anyone.

Only thing i find funny is that white washed tamil guys are also virgins in canada.

sundar_new Vijayan_09 sundar why don’t u actually prove that you so called madrassis exist and that Tamil is an Indian language rather continuing to come here and make comments when you people are not welcome here?

sundar racist madrassi, this article is about Tamil people not about a people from the illegally named state in India called ‘tamil nadu’. Why don’t you post in your own indian forum, even though the north indians reject you there as well. Go and speak your own language as well.

Vijayan_09 Johnrambo33 Pandit LOL Vijayan! You are a clown. The “tamils” as you claim are either from tamilnadu or part of kerala. You moved into Srilanka. Whatever it is, your “tamils” are inter-marrying everyone too. So stop being a neanderthal

There are still a huge number of us who value the sanctity of marriage. I wonder what meaning marriage holds for people who already had sex before tying the knot. Seriously !! . I speak for myself and at least 90% of my friends. And yeah we have had a lot of chances if you know what I mean. The argument that guys who are virgins are those who didn’t get any chance is stupid….

Being a virgin nowadays makes you special, it’s like being a unicorn’ ..
You shouldn’t lose your virginity before marriage. partners.Virginity is the most precious gift you can give to another Human being.Nowadays if you aren’t carrying and STD or don’t have multiple sex partners people think you are a loser..,Virgin girls/guys are so precious

It’s our culture to save ourselves for our husband/wives
The majority of hindu women same to keep their virginities

My sisters are very beautiful and attractive. They are all still virgins

i’m proud of all asian people who migrate but try their best to preserve their culture… and not imitate americans or british etc

I am very proud of my sisters… that they are decent, respectable… and they keep their chastity and purity until they have their husbands.

Do you think i would feel good if my sisters married a man who is unclean ? Who gave himself to other women before marriage ?

Tamils are morally scrupulous, save themselves for marriage, understand the proper relation between men and women, understand courtship practices, and participate in arranged marriages. Western people, conversely, just sleep around, get married and divorced – in short they don’t take relationships seriously. So there is this perception that may have need to be negotiated.

The best thing about Tamil culture is that both men and women preserve themselves and stay virgins for their future partner.. whom they are yet to meet…and probably years after. They lose virginity to their partner only and stay together forever. Remaining virgin is a choice. A choice made to show the ultimate love and respect for their future partner… regardless of how he/she looks, does, where they come from, what they do etc… This is also ultimate self control. If you can control yourself and remain virgin till you get married then you will find it easier to be with the one you are married to. Simple logic. Applied by both men and women.

For you, sex is just a physical contact which fulfilling your body needs. but for us sex is love. its a bond between the life partners. we want to be special for particular person whoever she may be.

If virginity is not makes the girl/guy special then what makes the girl special for you?
if your answer is heart means, are you sure your wife loving you only for entire life after moving for some other.?

Sex matters… since sex tells you how one can be close enough to a person… having sex with multiple partners / having had sex with multiple partners means thats… One can be close to so many people which disqualifies them for monogamy relationships.

in your point of view even if a girl says to her husband that she had sex before marriage, her husband who has been upholding virtues taught to him should to say to her Its ok?? i think that might not be possible here !!! because we people here are not like westeners !!

‘How many Tamil girls have sex before marriage ?
The answer varies depends on her IQ , if its easy to trick women into having sex then they will have a lot of sex and blame their stupidity on Beta Provider .

See “Getting used by men is not a cheap mentality” but Marrying a virgin is “Cheap mentality”
You are suppose to Judge
see Low IQ leads to lower Impulse Control and sex before marriage , I mean Girls marry at age of 25-30 if she is not a virgin then what does it mean ? she is stupid , she gives away her vagina like that . Stop giving respect to these , and stop asking for their approval.

People are so obsessed with following Western Culture. With time they are slowly but steadily becoming from bad to worse. The mass acceptance of evil concepts are becoming so ingrained in them that those evils have lost their identity as evils now. The yardstick for gauging good and bad is slowly getting lost till we will reach a point when no bad things will be considered bad and no good things will be praised.

Its not just about virginity.. i think we will have problems regarding their past love affairs even if it didnt result into sex.. its not just about us, nobody would want to hear about their parents sexual adventures either.. when we think about our parents we would feel uncomfortable about their first love, second love or third love..

Same way, if a man has premarital sex, I expect him to be upfront with any girl/woman who is his prospective wife. I do not want a non-virgin man to marry a virgin girl.

By repeating my words, I hope people get my message drilled into their heads.

I prefer non-virgins to marry only non-virgins; but once they marry, I want them to be totally monogamous, fully committed to their partners… 100%… until one of them dies. Their colourful pasts should not matter one bit.

I just hate hypocrisy and deceit and I want to see people open, honest and fair with others as well as with themselves.Please be honest with your future husband not many tamils accept use goods.

Most of the Tamil unmarried girls are 30+ and probably were not serious about their virginity when they lost it. Now they have to compete with their much younger counterparts in the marriage market who have the advantage of their virginity. Their only hope now is to make videos like this to underplay the importance of virginity. In most conservative societies virginity is associated with chastity and commitment. Not to say that a non-virgin has a loose character but definitely that person prefers sexual pleasures more than moral commitments and therefore such persons are less likely to stay committed in long relationships such as marriages. Our culture taught us to control our Lust and many other negative things. MAN and WOMEN both should be VIRGIN otherwise they should not get offended when society doesn’t accept it.

Sorry but this is the harsh truth

I dont understand why are we Tamis trying to make our society sexually lose, look at west, almost every women there gets raped, single teenage mothers, its completely crumbling, following your desires does not makes you modern or cool.

Tamils do not understand that we are better then west when it comes to culture and family traditions, its actually sad to see the new generation trying to learn **** from west, dont they see whats happening there already? STDs, generations of teen age mothers, illegitimate children, such victims get lured into sex business and drugs…., The west some how seems to be oky with it which is why they dont know their own fathers or family, they end up being psychologically damaged, doing drugs, etc if you wanna practice such untamil bull**** get go where its practiced dont bring that **** here in our culture.

Being a virgin nowadays makes you special, it’s like being a unicorn’ ..
You shouldn’t lose your virginity before marriage. partners.Virginity is the most precious gift you can give to another Human being.Nowadays if you aren’t carrying and STD or don’t have multiple sex partners people think you are a loser..,Virgin girls/guys are so precious

If the western mentality is so forward then why are men in U.K. having sex with dead deers and dogs….Why are divorce rates so high if people fall in love? Why are girls treated as sex toys? Why are people still having sex with animals? Holy ****! Don’t teach us what to do, brah.
We all know how faithful westerners are…

Girls in the U.K are grown just to become a **** or a *****. LOL. Girls lose their virginity at the age of 13 or 14. Funny how they try to protect their lame culture. Half of their children are grown up by one parent, I guess. In Sri Lanka husband is cheater? HAHAHAHAHAHAH! We don’t atsk random girls for sex…

And btw, they don’t value it that’s why divorce rates are high. In U.K, so many married women have been caught having sex with neighbors and some other people. Do you like it? Should we become like that? If yes, then I’m ready, because I’m not an ugly *** person that can’t get laid. I’m just holding it for the special one.
And of course virginity is important to me, I’m a virgin myself. I would love to share it with some girl that actually deserves it. There’s a difference between love and lust. Please learn it. Being a guy myself, I would feel guilty if I slept with a girl before marriage. Westerners have a lot to learn from us.

Pandit LADIES PLEASE DONT LISTEN TO HER ADVICE. The Lord tells us to wait until marriage. This type of advise is what leads to so many women being broken hearted after a breakup with a man that she has had sex with. Then moving on, dating another man,having sex with him, breaking up, and continuing the same cycle. Wait on God to send you your spouse! No offense to Pandit but she did not create you, she does not know or love you. God created you,knows you and loves you, and He wants to protect you from that heart break and pain of sex outside of marriage. Yes sex is a beautiful thing that God himself created for a HUSBAND AND WIFE. Save your body for the man that commits his life to you ❤. I would rather DIE A VIRGIN and then have give my body to some LITTLE BOYFRIEND. ﻿

Sex IS deep but unfortunately a growing number of people look at sex as a requirement or handshake. ��Many people down sex after marriage but it’s a statistical FACT that couples who have waited until marriage to have sex and children have the lowest breakup rate and people who don’t wait have the highest poverty,std,sti,depression,etc rates yet all of those rates are growing dramatically in the US. There is definitely a correlation.people should pay attention to who they share their bodies with

dradzi_ubova Like you said I don’t agree that waiting till marriage is a “backward” idea. Many people I’ve met who did wait till marriage or were celibate till marriage who have shared their experiences made me realize how severely UNDERMINED & MISUNDERSTOOD the whole concept of sharing your body (plus your mind & soul) with just 1 person. Sex IS deep. There’s no point in experiencing sex for sex sake considering some of the consequences including attachment that makes for some serious trauma if the relationship ends.It is part of our culture!

dradzi_ubova
All those people who say it doesn’t matter are those who are the reason for someone to loose it. Now to compensate for their actions they say it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter to you then keep it to yourselves, why are you imposing your thoughts on me. For those people, asking for virginity is sick, but loosing to someone whom they never marry is so fair. Bravo to your hypocrisy.
Its the same situation now-a-days as was smoking in 60’s & 70’s. Everyone has a point of view. If you smoke & I don’t, then it doesn’t mean I am sick for not following your beliefs.
Virginity is not only something inside the body, it shows the character. If someone is not strong enough to suppress urges before marriage, how can then he/she will be able to do the same after marriage, when continuous sex with the partner makes it addictive. Who knows when you go on for some tour, your husband or wife makes out with someone else.

like you said it should not be, but it is. There are many hypocrites, who had sex with their partner, but didn’t marry, just to try another one. Every girl who isn’t virgin will be offended. And the worst part is you cannot know it even if the girl tells you that she didn’t have any pre-marital sex.
And you also have those guys calling you narrow-minded for not marrying the girl they slept with
Seriously, those open-minded guys, if you are so open-minded, why don’t you marry prostitutes. You would be doing good to the society .Yeah, prostitutes would be better than those kind of girls, at-least they had a reason, thats to support their family. But what about you girls, you did it to have fun. Couples in my college used to have sex quite often, but didn’t marry afterwards. And the best part is they are still in touch with each other, even though they are married to different people. I suppose what they would be doing in the absence of their spouse.

And all-those open minded , modern hypocrites, please stop imposing your thoughts on someone not like you. You are a free citizen, so are others.

dradzi_ubova
For me sex is a very deep intimate connection, a spiritual meeting, becoming one with someone. I give a lot of importance. Too much to do it casually. I am not after material pleasure or superficial relationship of momentary nature. I want to go deep into love and then have sex with a girl. And when I do I would do whatever to make the relationship work for a long term. I have not found a girl with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life and when I do find her I would like to marry her and then what difference will it make to just wait for the marriage to come.

Tamil culture la olukam mukiyam.﻿has been given a lot of importance in our culture. People influenced by western values seek instant gratification. Will power and self control are alien concept to them. I don’t mind how they live their life but for me these things are important.

Someone who is virgin by choice shows the quality that he has self control, patience, principles and values. I am not saying that those who are not virgin don’t have it. But those who are virgin definitely prove that they have these values. For me these values are important.

And I would like to see these very values in my life partner. Someone who has not fallen for the traps of guys, who has not been lured into sex by anyone, who has been able to exercise discretion.

I must state that virginity signfies a set of values to me and I do not care what the non-virgines do, it is their choice. If I happen to fall for a widow who is not virgin because she has been married but had been before marriage will show me those qualities and I will be ready to marry her.

I am not dogmatic, orthodox or anything but I am just logical believer in principles and values. Not a blind follower of western culture which will hardly teach you any values and principles except blatant capitalism and pleasure driven lifestyle.
Mind you our culture and tradition is known in the world by its spirituality and values. Of course there are some bad deviations but in its pure form it is highly appreciable.
Those who preach and advocate pleasure and materialism are blinded by their mind for that. They will find all the arguments and excuses for fulfilling their temptations.

Remember the good things in life are always difficult to do while the bad things are easy. Refraining from sex is difficult while doing it is far easy.
Being honest is difficult, lying is easy and hence forth.

dradzi_ubova I would definitely prefer a VIRGIN wife for me because I myself a VIRGIN. I have all rights to think and desire for myself. I don’t wanna westernize my mentality. I’m proud of my Tamil vellalar Culture which teaches us to control your Lust, Anger and Hatred and many other immoral things.

Pandit
Dude Canada is modern now and girls have all the freedom in the world, but if she chooses it to get wasted then she wont earn any respect in any way.. and thus making her life more complicated and yes she can have a great match too but i as a guy would prefer a person without any issues.. there are all sort of people and it matters from person to person what issues they can accept and there’s no harm in saving yourself from false love promises of boys at early age..﻿

why Men want or prefer Virgin Bride… no STD risk, no pevious unwanted Pregnancy or Abortion, she will not be emotionally disturbed…
and No Women want to marry a regular costumer of RED-LIGHT-AREA 😛 😛
Even Women want or prefer Men who are virgin, as it ensures there is no Sexually Transmitted Diseases

NandagopanJeyasundra
People like you are the diseases of this country. tell me bro. what is your point … if a male do multiple sex before marrage is it good? If not then why you are allowing girls for doing the same? why making it easy for them in front of society? Good & Evil is in everywhere. In males in females. the way males can harm innocent girls you think evil minded woman can’t harm a loyal honest /good person? making sex free for woman … you have any idea what it means?
If a male can dominate by their physical strength… How a Woman will Dominate? they are strong enough physically….
Ans is sexuality. Where mens are weak. If you are a bit mature you will understand. And how dangerous it can be…
Media alwz work to protect woman from mens & their mental/physical domination … But you ever saw media focusing on woman’s true evil nature? you think they don’t dominate ? or abuse male ? bt whenever you’ll open a media network they alwz portray woman as a weak figure and symbolize sexuality. lol .. you sick ppl make media run like this with pointless stupid stuff …
stop watching films or get lost in darkness… you have no relation with reality …. Don’t argue with ppl who understand society …

poornima16
The women come out stating that if men can do it why can’t women. Remember ladies not all men have sex at the the drop of the hat and your averagd Tamil man remains a virgin in many cases well into his 30’s. U see it extremely easy for a woman( even with semi-average looks) to hook up with a man. However even a good-looking man unless he is confident or financially stable ( read rich, which takes time) will have it extremely difficult to approach a woman. And that is why there are far more virgin TAMIL men than virgin women. 4) Also, the most important point, just look at the effect pre-martial sex is having on the west esp Europe. The last time there was morally declining society( with plenty of illegitimate children and rampant sexual debauchee) in mainland Europe ( the then rotting region under Emperor Constantinople) the local pagan religion was taken over by an alien religion from the middle east. This is exactly what is happening now, where now the adopted religion is in decline and the threated from another religion, that also had its origin in middle east. The ironic thing is the end of feminism will happen due to the adaptation of this new religion( which was the reason it grew in the first place) ﻿

, Sorry Ladies Majority of the men do care about ur past, and while u can desire marrying strong, sensitive caring and in some cases ‘experienced’ men who do not care about ur past, note it is only 1% of you who will be able to do so and they are the ones with striking good looks and below the age of 25-26. Be upset about this but do not lie about ur past and going by today’s society just completely give up any thoughts of a stable strong relationship.﻿

dradzi_ubova
Because pre marital sex is a vice. It’s a very common and broadly accepted vice, but it’s a vice nonetheless.
Pre marital causes physical and mental harm, it costs money, it presents social dangers (such as losing respect and catching std’s), it can foster dependence and addiction, and it removes self-control. People do it because they enjoy it, knowing full well that it’s not good for them. Such is more or less the definition of a vice.
Refraining from vices is generally accepted as a sign of good character. Just like refraining from smoking, gambling, junk food and reality TV are signs of the same thing. You think of such a person as someone who puts aside things that may be fun in favor of being wise and responsible. It’s hard not to respect them.

On another note. Tamil men along with almost all brown males (indians,pakistanis,caribbean) in the west are pathetic. Not all but most. Most of them all insecure betas no alphas in site. There are no brown “men” only a very few exist. Most will try and fight you if you talk to or even look at their girlfriends who obviously control the relationship. Many of them act like thugs or gangsters to boost self esteem and ego. Go into clubs and you will see brown guys rolling in crews staring at other men. They are all over protective with their gfs and sisters or female cousins for no reason. Even the girls they are friendzoned with, they protect.

NandagopanJeyasundra Do you know that the Kama Sutra identifies and defines what a “Virtuous Woman” is in a whole chapter dedicated to that subject and defines such a woman to be chaste before marriage and only has sexual relations with her husband? Better read up on the actual work before commenting on it based on half-baked western snippets on the subject.

Our parents and grandparents, more precisely our ancestors, did not have the contraceptives used today that allowed for promiscuous sex without pregnancy and STDs. So its not like they were getting laid all the time freely and without thought of consequences. (Contraceptives used by girls today that mess up their hormones to stop pregnancy are leading causes of issues in women and babies born today.) Moreover, they stuck to one partner all their lives unlike today where multiple partners and divorce is rampant, one clearly being the result of the other. Back in the day, living life in rural villages was hard work – rewarding and refreshing being with nature, unlike today, but it was hard work, surviving itself was most of life. So sex was not on the top of the minds of everyone like today’s youth. Sex was mostly used to procreate for the survival of race/species, just as nature intended it to be. And there were many 30-year-old virgins during their time – the number of monks/Sanyasis back in the day far outnumber those of today. Your use of the name “Pandit” to identify yourself who has half-baked and half-brained knowledge is laughable at best.

Johnrambo33 Vijayan_09 Pandit I think Johnrambo is an an anti-tamil troll trying to drive a wedge and bring a bad name to Lankan tamils. By the way, the “moved into Sri-Lanka” is not proven as yet. Today, you can walk in knee-deep water from TamilNadu to Sri-Lanka. Whenever the first tamils appeared on either side of the Palk-Strait, it would be hard to imagine that they didn’t walk over – this way, or that.

Johnrambo33 Vijayan_09 Pandit why the nervous laugh? Is it because you’re that stupid you can’t back up your nonsense? A clown can’t back up his claims like yourself. Why don’t you actually disprove the video I have put up. How can Lankans who have nicer features than you featureless, dark skinned, eyes sticking out of year head madrassis come from India? Just explain how the Tamil language can come from Lanka yet Lankans come from India? Pathetic madrassi with no language, are you sniffing Lankan arse and following Lankans around to know that Tamils are inter-marrying everyone? Lol such an inferiority complex. Have you got statistics. The last race anyone would intermarry with is you dark skinned featureless madrassis and Lankans would certainly not intermarry with you people.

rajah2000 Johnrambo33 Vijayan_09 Pandit
watch the video I put a link of. Knee deep water? ha ha why don’t you walk across it, I dare you to, then when the sharks gobble you up, see how u walk over. So the north africans who can actually walk over to subsaharan africa created the Black Africans? lol and u think people who can’t walk across land in Africa, can now walk across water. talk of something u know about. Yes John rambo is a madrassi coming here as he is getting beaten up by Indians, cos most Indians do not like these madrassis.

An open letter to Radical Feminists
The self-proclaimed feminist writer purports, rather presumptuously to speak on behalf of all sexually repressed Tamil women. The writer’s fatwa against patriarchal control of women’s sexuality exhorts women to lead a promiscuous life without any concern for Tamil cultural propriety or mores. The idea is paradigm shifting with regards to Tamil culture and mores. The writer is hoping to recreate the zeitgeist of the 1960’s Americana -pot smoking, free love, Hippie movement- for Tamils and Tamil culture. One must question the logic behind such a tectonic shift in thought. I feel the argument for this as presented by the writer was rather weak and self-defeating. The lifestyle as espoused by the writer only hastens a denouement that will hurt the very women it wants to liberate. While it seems the writer is from a Tamil background, it is blatantly obvious that the writer is lacking insight into Tamil cultural mores. Her “Tamil-Men-Hating” piffle was a direct result of a lack of insight into the Tamil cultural mores and customs.
She is what one might call a nominal Tamil or Hindu. It seems patently clear the writer is confused about her identity. While I am no clinical psychologist, it would appear the writer is suffering from a rather bad case of “Identity crisis” possibly made worse by deep seated emotional issues such as “repressed sexuality” and “nymphomania”. A slew of such repressed emotional issues in the writer have metastasized into a severe case of misandry. Or perhaps her diatribe was a weak attempt at rationalizing her guilt of spending one too many nights out with the boys, while studying in the university? Or perhaps, an overt act of “anger displacement” to mitigate her feelings of shame and guilt by shifting blame collectively at men. But then again, who knows what goes inside the mind of a sex hungry, sexually repressed Tamil nymphomaniac floozy?
What a spoiled brat! While her sisters in Sri Lanka are suffering from the aftermath of a devastating war she is unperturbedly getting wet thinking about risque encounters with varied men until she decides to marry, if she marries at all! She wants to be caressed by any man she damn well chooses and then expects her future husband to appreciate her for her cranial capacity and conveniently ignore her fickleness! I find it rather disconcerting in this day and age with rampant outbreak in sexually transmitted diseases, our Tamil sister has inflicted this piffle on us. And shame on DBS and TamilCulture for publishing this filth despite their lousy disclaimers.
The synopsis of her rather weakly argued proposition when flayed to the skeleton is: A woman is free to have sex with multiple partners before marriage and this should not be frowned upon. The poor wretch who betroths her should not consider her past indiscretions as impediments to present/future martial bliss and any incipient rankling must be doused by taking into account the wife’s giant brain size and slightly adopting “cuckoldish” delight in her past experiences.
Well, I say, the hell with that! I do not care so much about your cerebral capacity as I care about your maternal and uxorial qualities. I could care less if you are verbally gifted, but I would like you to be orally gifted -preferably without any prior experience- and culinarily inclined. If you are looking for unbridled independence with ‘Carte Blanche’ lifestyle, you would be better off with a sucker white guy or a negro. And I’ll say good riddance!
Lest you take me for a callous man, let me state for the record, while I support feminist causes like equal pay for equal work, freedom from harassment, suffrage rights etc. I am against radical feminism. Arguably, the veritable culprit behind many a broken homes and the cause of decline in marriage rates in Western countries. However, what the writer is proposing simply borders on the obscene – a page straight from the radical feminist manifesto- and to which I am vehemently opposed. It pays to bear in mind that there are certain things that will never change, no matter how hard feminists may try. Each of us must strive to represent the gender roles that nature has bestowed upon us. To act or go against nature is anomalous,is abnormal and is unnatural. Don’t be led astray by false ideology and radical feminism.
Here is a simple analogy for you overzealous Tamil feminists to ponder over. A man can walk down a street with his shirt off, bare chested. Can you women do that? Can you do that in front of your Dad? Mom? Brother? I can. You can’t. Deal with it.
Ever the gentleman, I am now overcome with a tinge of guilt for this “ad hominem” attack on your person. So as a token of agreeing to disagree, Dear Niveda, if you are still into sleeping around with no strings attached, I am interested. I promise you a good time. Just don’t expect me to marry you. I may put a noose around your neck but never a “Thaali Kodi”. But don’t worry, I’ll spare the noose until we are done. I know how ornery you get when you are unsatisfied.

http://www.quora.com/Pick-Up-Artists/What-does-hamster-or-hamsterization-mean-in-Game-PUA-terminology:
The rationalization hamster is an analogy for the thought processes used by women to turn bad behavior and bad decisions into acceptable ones to herself and her friends. When a woman makes a bad decision, the hamster spins in its wheel (the woman’s thinking) and creates some type of acceptable reasons for that bad decision. The crazier the decision, the faster the hamster must spin in order to successfully rationalize away the insanity
I simply can’t offer better examples than The Private Man’s post does, so I encourage you to read it for more examples. Here are a couple of the most common:
Bad Decision:
“I’m going out and getting drunk with my friends.”
Resulting Consequences:
Drunken and unsatisfactory hookup sex with a stranger.
Hamster Processing Result:
“I was drunk and he took advantage of me or maybe even raped me! Maybe it was a date rape drug!”
Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”
The emphasis in this example being that the sex was in fact consensual (although alcohol was involved), but the woman justifies it (rationalises it… with her hamster) to get over the guilt associated with making a bad decision.
Bad Decision:
“I deserve only the most attractive and successful man despite the fact that I don’t have much to offer in the context of dating and relationships.”
Resulting Consequences:
Can’t find any man for dating or a relationship or only has one-night stands.
Hamster Processing Result:
“There are no good men” or “Men suck”
Final Result:
“It’s not my fault.”
Viewed within the context of the Red Pill, the Rationalisation Hamster can be recognised in many places.

Stop generalizing all Tamils, I am born in France and no one in my familly had pre marital sex , all my siblings including me waites till marriage because we respect our culture (vellalar caste). you swestern/westernized Tamil female and male . if you want to sleep around, stay unmarried and do whatever the heck you want, but stay away from marriage. don’t defile the marriage bed and then get married. stay away from it altogether. marriage is for people who have integrity, it has no place for hedonistic hoes. the west have done a fantastic job of ruining marriage and family values and look where its gotten them- an entire economy has been shattered. sure pple who are ignornant will say morality had nothing do with it. moral corruption had everything to do with it starting with the greed on Wall St!!!!! Hope India isn’t dumb enough to fall into the same trap bc bollywood and the media are paving the way for that. so parents with some sense, please teach your kids family values. many don’t and let their kids run loose and end being hoes. Indians and white are the worst when it comes to marriage.

Benefits of being virgin

“No pregnancy fears:” – Readily available information about contraception would be a more practical option, though in some cultures married couples are advised abstinence to prevent pregnancy.“No STDs:” Doesn’t this apply to men and women both? Today in India many married women and their children have AIDS. These women were virgins when they married and their non virgin (and not necessarily faithful) husbands passed on the virus to them. Some countries in Africa and other countries that obsess with women’s ‘purity’ face similar problems. If virginity was not such an issue, all these other related issues would not be brushed under the carpet and serious discussion would be possible.“No emotional trauma of a relationship: Sometimes there is nothing left in a relationship after sex. Love is not all about sex so there are many things a couple can do without sex in a relationship. Remember, a sexual disappointment can make you feel hurt, lonely and angry.”I would have thought knowledge and experience should help in such cases. And emotional trauma in a relationship is possible with or without sex, unless one of the partners insists on seeing virginity as a ‘gift from god’.And does this imply that it is okay if there is no ‘relationship after sex’ for married couples?Agree with there are many things that couple can do in a relationship – but didn’t understand why sex shouldn’t be one of those things, if both the partners want it and no coercion or emotional blackmail is used?“Your man will feel so proud and happy: It’s a fact; most men still prefer a virgin woman. No guys want to think about his girl having sex with other guys. Even though virgin women are not sexually experienced, men still love them and feel more sexually excited. He will respect your innocence, and also there won’t be any arguments on your past relationships.”Sexist generalizations. So a woman should stay a virgin to make a man ‘sexually excited’? (Such non-virgin intentions are innocent?) Also consider – what would make a man prefer a virgin? Fear of being compared to her other partners? What about the woman having similar concerns?“You are pure as an angel: Virgins are probably one of the sanest people on earth. Most virgin women have morals and respect themselves. Also they take relationship and marriage very seriously.”﻿

I find tamil women in Canada to be full of testosterone., they don’t have that beauty that the girls back home have due to being westernised most of them aren’t even virgin , they also do drugs and alcohol ….A wife has to be kind, intelligent, pleasant, AND respectable. I couldn’t respect a woman as a wife if she wasn’t a virgin.

Tamil guys – even educated guys who grew up in Canada – are very judgmental about a girl’s past. Even today, Tamil men have different standards for whom they’ll casually date and whom they’ll marry. And a Tamil girl who has had several boyfriends or sexual partners will not be viewed as marriage material. Tamil men won’t settle for what they perceive as “used goods” with baggage from past relationships. While this double standard may seem unfair to the ladies, it is still the reality in our community.

You don’t often see cultural Tamil Hindu in Sri Lanka girls slooting it up, hanging out in clubs, being a mess etc…Normally raised in a strict home with moral values. they are more spiritual. most of them smarter than your average insta/fb/twitter selfie addict.

Gonna be my next wifey! Well Tamil to be precise but close enough! Sick of the Bullchit with western women and their fuarked up drama. Also at my age the best I am gonna do in this society is a 28-40 year old milf sloot with about 3 kids. With an Tamil bride from the actual country I can get a young hot looking VIRGIN honey between the ages of 18-21. , Sex whenever I want, clean house, cooked food, no being questioned about my whereabouts when I get home. The perfect deal. Only a fool would turn down something like that!

In fact right now I am having my grandfather and some other relatives find me a bride (SRS). We are DAMNED lucky to have an Tamil background and have this option. I am going to utilize it

At the same time, Tamil guys today can’ go “back home” to marry a virgin bride as t our uncles and older cousins did. A Tamil man with a professional job has plenty of options unlike girls even in our old age we can get married to young virgin females.Don’t waste your time with tamils girls born in the west it’s not worth, get a girl from Sri Lanka. Even if you can’t speak Tamils because girls in the country can understand English.Sri Lankan Taml brides from the country are the best marriage material they are the perfect exemple for the future generation.

Pandit Are you trying to tell me that all girls in Sri Lanka who are chaste and cultured are village simpletons ? Sorry…many of my cousins are physicians/engineers etc and still live a very cultured life because they have been brought up to regard their husbands and their families as sacred. They wouldn’t even think of dating a man before marriage, and by the time they are in their late 20’s they are likely to well settled with loving husbands who respect them and care for them (unlike the bitter ABCD women who spread their legs before marriage, and then get nasty and cynical in their late 20s wondering why Tamil men don’t like them).I

f you are ashamed of your culture and proud of West and look upto their culture for future direction, then Ms Shan and everyone else who is pushing the bar just a little higher … be prepared for to manager this from your children 1) Teenage pregnancy 2) Depression 3) Drugs 4) Shooting and guns in schools 5) Suicides

This is what west has got from their past. From our past this is what we still have – we still have our family system intact and certain virtues are still given high value. Parents still care of their children until they are married and further and children support their parents in their old age. This has kept our economy strong, where the world is under deep crisis. Such an idiot you are, you think joint families are bad. You’ll know if you have lived in one. Ms Rachael and the likes …Just because you have no control on your senses you want to push this idea on the population in general and calm your inner deep sense of guilt… think abt it ! coz this is what I see .

I am a virgin Tamil guy and so I want a virgin girl. My future wife will face torture from me if she had sex before and lie to me before marriage. Non-virgin girls should never play with the feelings of virgin boys and they should always tell their life partners about their virginity before marriage.Today there are many murders and crimes because of cheating in marriages. You guys must be aware of that. When a husband/wife finds out about the extra marital affairs then he/she kills his/her life partner along with the other person involved. Such crimes were not present in those days when men and women were virgin before marriage. But since both men and women are losing their morals and virginity the crimes and murders are increasing…

There are many men and women,who,under the garb of so called “modernity” marry a person even after knowing his past affairs.they feel that past is past and marriage is like some button,which,once pressed will make that partner totally faithful to his spouse.but this is not so.
Many times,even after marriage,the partner keeps in touch with her/his old boy friend or girl friend,and then the person who married him/her regrets why he married this person who had such a past.
Then follows suspicions,anger,jealousy,quarrels and so many complications b/w the spousesso its much better to marry a simple,gud charactered and faithful person

Western Tamil girl logic:Girls fall for Mr wrong for various reasons and get B A N G E D. Whereas Mr Right focus on their career and life not getting diverted. Later when girls think about future settlement then they look for Mr Right and now they are worried about the lost virginity and its acceptance ???

Many people highly criticize virgins by telling them you are narrow-minded. But in reality, it is a excuse to be promiscous.

Faith cannot be done on a partner who has promiscuous past and neither i can create any emotion for her.
Will you mary a girl who has AIDS, just to get marital status and survive in the society ?
Their new meaning of love is s*x.

Just look at the behaviour of her mother because if mother is characterless then her daughter will be the same..Trust me you don’t want to procreate with such devils .

Living with a non-virgin is like silently killing myself, my emotional health will suffer a lot. So i will prefer to stay “HAPPY” virgin than to “”SUFFER” my whole life with a non-virgin.

I an’t live with a non-virgin girl… i will prefer to die happy virgin than to marry a loose character girl.

And if i need physical satisfaction, I can pay for s*x with pros without any commitment….so why marry a non-virgin because there is not much difference between a pros & non-virgin girl.

If i didn’t found hymen and she did not bleed, she will be out of my house & life on the wedding day itself.

An unchaste or characterless girl will not stay even a single day in my house. Tamil culture has taught us that celibacy until marriage is the best.

A virgin girl is clean of disease, and she’s always going to remember her first as her first. They make the best marriage material .Sex will be within our marriage, and we’d have a lifetime of exploration with each other. I personally feel that Tamil men love women more when they have saved themselves for their hushand and vice versa. I think it is.men feel more respect for and have sincere tenderness toward a virgin.i guess it has something to do with the pure incecents that men see when we look at a virgin. Virgins on both sides is best

As for non virgin Tamil females, They’re damaged goods, Why should a Tamil man marry a girl who has had multiple penis’s inserted into her mouth, vagina and anus. Every Tamil man deserves a virgin. Non virgins are infested with every sort of sexually transmitted diseases and they are not marriage mariterial ,yet we all must be nice to them but we will never consider marrying them.

Tamil guys – even educated guys who grew up in Canada – are very judgmental about a girl’s past. Even today, Tamil men have different standards for whom they’ll casually date and whom they’ll marry. And a Tamil girl who has had several boyfriends or sexual partners will not be viewed as marriage material. Tamil men won’t settle for what they perceive as “used goods” with baggage from past relationships. While this double standard may seem unfair to the ladies, it is still the reality in our community.Tamil guys today can’ go “back home” to marry a virgin bride as our uncles and older cousins did. A Tamil man with a professional job has plenty of options unlike girls even in our old age we can get married to young virgin females.

Tamil MAN
Stop saying like a clown that she has been used.
Is she is 8yr old girl that she can be used?
She is an adult and she should know what is right and wrong.
The word “USED” is used for a victim who has trapped by frauds or “UNWILLINGLY”, but “WILLINGLY” indulging in s*xual activity is not called “USED”. It was 50-50 “ENTERTAINMENT” for both the adults.
And yes, i have every right to ask about a girl virginity, because it is “MY” marriage, my “PRIDE”, my “HONOUR”, my “EMOTIONAL” health. So i have every right to know what girls are doing these days so that i can choose the “BEST” and reject the “WASTE”.
A girl who has loosed her virginity before marriage, then it simply means she has no or little value for marriage.

What family a unchaste girl provide, will i be able to tell my child that your mother has slept with X and Y and Z.

She may indulge in adultery too after marriage, so i think she is not my marriage material.

Unchaste girls are for community.

Virgins are for husbands.

I definitely respect women who are chaste, intelligent, and cultured. I don’t respect those, “hymenally challenged” ones who spread their legs before marriage….why should I ? In regards to my so-called double standards, well…let’s just say that men and woman are fundamentally different in that men are born with the ability to inseminate virtually unlimited women, while women can only support being pregnant once a year. Thus, monogamy makes sense for women (and for men in marriages), but for unmarried men, having multiple sex partners isn’t such a big deal. I know that may sound unfair, but don’t yell at me…go scream at god or something. Also…no amount of social activism can change this fact that men are programmed for having multiple partners, while women are not. Call it “double standards” or call it “sexist” or whatever….you can give it any label you want…I just call it nature

The marriage certainly brings a man and a woman together, they know each other carnally (s*xually),the love between them deepens, arrival of children further strengthens strong emotional bonds between them and the whole family. But what is more, much more, and not usually spoken about is the fact that there is much deeper joy, bliss, contentment, peace, confidence that make human life really full of happiness. Virginity may well be lost before the marriage in many cases, yet the man and the woman can come together emotionally and then enter into marriage bond. In the earlier times of greater social purity and in absense of rampant promiscuity today, virgins (boys and girls) may certainly be rare finds, but that does not at all cancel out the possibility of good, happy and blissful married life. As for s*xual pleasure, it happens in one`s brain/mind and it is not at all physical. It is the best when it is in the mind. When one is aware of its physicality, the joy is already reduced. When this process begins and grows, perversions can come in. What we see today is that perversion in our young boys and girls. The promiscuity enables frequent change of partners which leads to reducing the s*x to purely physical. It is impossible to convince the youth today but it is still the truth that we need to go back to our social behaviour a hundred or atleast 70 years ago, for a fuller life, bliss. The alternative is pure chaos and a jugle, animal culture.

If she losed her virginity and ditched by her bf, so she thinks s*x is love, then the product is below standard and i will not buy it.
She could also have been fallen in love without s*x, but this is not the case, she feeled extreme urge physically and shared her bed with her bf. I don’t respect such a girl who can’t control her urge and can share her bed with anyone just to satisfy her physical need.”

No man is having sex with a woman without her consent (except in rapes and ‘real’ rapes are very few). Woman is 90% responsible for intercourse between man and woman. That is why societies controlled women in late centuries. So man is not taking advantage, but woman is exploiting a man by allowing him .

Men take advantage of women only if women allow men to. It is the woman who decides whether to make company with a man, whether to go round with him, whether to invite him or go to him, whether to allow him to touch her, whether to allow him to undress her and it goes on… so everything up to women, not men. Men are affectionate to women by nature. Men only can propose, it is the women who decides whether to approve and do immoral things. If the women are good, men also become good automatically, if the women are bad, men take advantage of it. Thats why every society is measured by its womens’ conduct.

And about the raped girls, then Ihave sympathy for her if it’s a real rape because there was 0% fault on her side.
And “YES”, i can marry a girl who has been really raped if she had not indulged in s*x after that incidence.

dradzi_ubova
Many people highly criticize virgins by telling them you are narrow-minded. But in reality, it is a excuse to be promiscous.

Faith cannot be done on a partner who has promiscuous past and neither i can create any emotion for her.
Will you mary a girl who has AIDS, just to get marital status and survive in the society ?
Their new meaning of love is s*x.

Just look at the behaviour of her mother because if mother is characterless then her daughter will be the same..Trust me you don’t want to procreate with such devils .

Living with a non-virgin is like silently killing myself, my emotional health will suffer a lot. So i will prefer to stay “HAPPY” virgin than to “”SUFFER” my whole life with a non-virgin.

I an’t live with a non-virgin girl… i will prefer to die happy virgin than to marry a loose character girl.

And if i need physical satisfaction, I can pay for s*x with pros without any commitment….so why marry a non-virgin because there is not much difference between a pros & non-virgin girl.

If i didn’t found hymen and she did not bleed, she will be out of my house & life on the wedding day itself.

An unchaste or characterless girl will not stay even a single day in my house.

Madhavan456
And if i need physical satisfaction, I can pay for s*x with pros without any commitment….so why marry a non-virgin because there is not much difference between a pros & non-virgin girl.
I was on board with you until you said this, because you negated the entire concept of purity you and your future partner aspired to. I think the writer here is arguing equality of mindset, and every culture evolves Madhavan. I am happily married to my husband of 4 years, we both loved each other for longer than 5 years before that, we also were physically involved in our love, before marriage. So technically, in your words I would have been considered “damaged goods,” so in your eyes, good thing I married the guy I lost it to. Relationships and our decision to give our selves to the person we love is very complicated, and there is more to it than just physical. However, I also agree with the fact our sexual awakening should be shared with Mr. Right. How do you determine who is Mr. Right? Especially in Canada where we choose our own partner’s predominantly.. How long should we wait before we engage in sexual acts? Should we wait till we are married to that person? What if our special someone wants the physical act in our relationship and promises us that we will eventually marry, say after we finish university, or after we get a job, or after our older sister or brother is married. Also remember it takes two to tango, so the man who is willing to go along with the act should marry the girl he engages in the act with, or be open to the women having had a past because now he has a past.
On the other hand, if you save yourself for that special someone, you have every right to expect someone who has had no previous sexual experience to be your partner, and that is your preference. However you have no right to judge the life of other women. The writer in this article is talking about hypocritical behavior, she is not espousing that all Tamil women should engage in those activities.
I do however agree with the preservation of our beautiful culture and morals. It does not mean you have the right to infringe of the right of women, whether they are in India, Sri Lanka or Canada or wherever our Tamil population reside.
If you really want to be traditional, there is such a thing as gandharva vivaham. See definition below.
A Gandharva Marriage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:IPA_for_Hindi_and_Urdu gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is one of the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_wedding#Eight_types_of_marriage. This ancient marriage tradition from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_subcontinent was based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref77yodur-1 The marriage of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dushyanta and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakuntala was a historically celebrated example of this class of marriage.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref04yuhop-2

My husband respects me, and loves me, we have a beautiful home and financial security. So what I am trying to say to you is that life is way more complicated than just virginity, just because you are a virgin, does not mean your husband will love you, or that you guys will get along, or that your partner will want to explore everything you want to explore sexually, or your families would get along. Good luck on finding your special someone, just remember a woman is much more than valued virginity. Always respect others. Everyone has a right to their opinions and beliefs.
Thanks,
Q.D.

I am a Canadian, but I went back to Sri Lanka between 2005 – 2007 to visit my grandparents and enrolled in school there. I wanted to learn about my culture. Let me tell you about Tamil girls there. The culture has evolved. Many Tamil girls, are very friendly with Tamil boys and they go onto falling in love with them, while in high school. Almost all Tamil girls would have had some form of sexual attraction to a man and would have had a love affair before they reach the age of majority. This is true for, in your words, all attractive hot girls from Sri Lanka. So do not be deluded. They do however jump ship when a rich old man from foreign countries come to take them away to a “better life.”

Most girls who are homely, the group, you don’t want to have anything to do with, would be as pure in body but even they will not be pure in thought. This is the reality that I saw with my eyes from all parts of Sri Lanka, not just the urban areas. There is also the added issue of them getting integrated into Canadian society.

But if your ideal marriage is to have a traditional marriage, go ahead and look for a young bride, but I can guarantee you she will change as soon as she gets here. I’ve seen this with my own eyes too. Please read my comments above above sex before current popular concept of hindu marriage.

I think the writer here is arguing equality of mindset, and every culture evolves Madhavan. I am happily married to my husband of 4 years, we both loved each other for longer than 5 years before that, we also were physically involved in our love, before marriage. So technically, in your words I would have been considered “damaged goods,” so in your eyes, good thing I married the guy I lost it to. Relationships and our decision to give our selves to the person we love is very complicated, and there is more to it than just physical. However, I also agree with the fact our sexual awakening should be shared with Mr. Right. How do you determine who is Mr. Right? Especially in Canada where we choose our own partner’s predominantly.. How long should we wait before we engage in sexual acts? Should we wait till we are married to that person? What if our special someone wants the physical act in our relationship and promises us that we will eventually marry, say after we finish university, or after we get a job, or after our older sister or brother is married. Also remember it takes two to tango, so the man who is willing to go along with the act should marry the girl he engages in the act with, or be open to the women having had a past because now he has a past.
On the other hand, if you save yourself for that special someone, you have every right to expect someone who has had no previous sexual experience to be your partner, and that is your preference. However you have no right to judge the life of other women. The writer in this article is talking about hypocritical behavior, she is not espousing that all Tamil women should engage in those activities.
I do however agree with the preservation of our beautiful culture and morals. It does not mean you have the right to infringe of the right of women, whether they are in India, Sri Lanka or Canada or wherever our Tamil population reside.
If you really want to be traditional, there is such a thing as gandharva vivaham. See definition below.
A Gandharva Marriage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:IPA_for_Hindi_and_Urdu gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is one of the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_wedding#Eight_types_of_marriage. This ancient marriage tradition from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_subcontinent was based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref77yodur-1 The marriage of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dushyanta and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakuntala was a historically celebrated example of this class of marriage.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref04yuhop-2

My husband respects me, and loves me, we have a beautiful home and financial security. So what I am trying to say to you is that life is way more complicated than just virginity, just because you are a virgin, does not mean your husband will love you, or that you guys will get along, or that your partner will want to explore everything you want to explore sexually, or your families would get along. Good luck on finding your special someone, just remember a woman is much more than valued virginity. Always respect others. Everyone has a right to their opinions and beliefs.
Thanks,
Q.D.

I think the writer here is arguing equality of mindset, and every culture evolves Madhavan. I am happily married to my husband of 4 years, we both loved each other for longer than 5 years before that, we also were physically involved in our love, before marriage. So technically, in your words I would have been considered “damaged goods,” so in your eyes, good thing I married the guy I lost it to. Relationships and our decision to give our selves to the person we love is very complicated, and there is more to it than just physical. However, I also agree with the fact our sexual awakening should be shared with Mr. Right. How do you determine who is Mr. Right? Especially in Canada where we choose our own partner’s predominantly.. How long should we wait before we engage in sexual acts? Should we wait till we are married to that person? What if our special someone wants the physical act in our relationship and promises us that we will eventually marry, say after we finish university, or after we get a job, or after our older sister or brother is married. Also remember it takes two to tango, so the man who is willing to go along with the act should marry the girl he engages in the act with, or be open to the women having had a past because now he has a past.
On the other hand, if you save yourself for that special someone, you have every right to expect someone who has had no previous sexual experience to be your partner, and that is your preference. However you have no right to judge the life of other women. The writer in this article is talking about hypocritical behavior, she is not espousing that all Tamil women should engage in those activities.
I do however agree with the preservation of our beautiful culture and morals. It does not mean you have the right to infringe of the right of women, whether they are in India, Sri Lanka or Canada or wherever our Tamil population reside.
If you really want to be traditional, there is such a thing as gandharva vivaham. See definition below.
A Gandharva Marriage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:IPA_for_Hindi_and_Urdu gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is one of the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_wedding#Eight_types_of_marriage. This ancient marriage tradition from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_subcontinent was based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref77yodur-1 The marriage of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dushyanta and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakuntala was a historically celebrated example of this class of marriage.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref04yuhop-2

My husband respects me, and loves me, we have a beautiful home and financial security. So what I am trying to say to you is that life is way more complicated than just virginity, just because you are a virgin, does not mean your husband will love you, or that you guys will get along, or that your partner will want to explore everything you want to explore sexually, or your families would get along. Good luck on finding your special someone, just remember a woman is much more than valued virginity. Always respect others. Everyone has a right to their opinions and beliefs.
Thanks,
Q.D.

I think the writer here is arguing equality of mindset, and every culture evolves Madhavan. I am happily married to my husband of 4 years, we both loved each other for longer than 5 years before that, we also were physically involved in our love, before marriage. So technically, in your words I would have been considered “damaged goods,” so in your eyes, good thing I married the guy I lost it to. Relationships and our decision to give our selves to the person we love is very complicated, and there is more to it than just physical. However, I also agree with the fact our sexual awakening should be shared with Mr. Right. How do you determine who is Mr. Right? Especially in Canada where we choose our own partner’s predominantly.. How long should we wait before we engage in sexual acts? Should we wait till we are married to that person? What if our special someone wants the physical act in our relationship and promises us that we will eventually marry, say after we finish university, or after we get a job, or after our older sister or brother is married. Also remember it takes two to tango, so the man who is willing to go along with the act should marry the girl he engages in the act with, or be open to the women having had a past because now he has a past.
On the other hand, if you save yourself for that special someone, you have every right to expect someone who has had no previous sexual experience to be your partner, and that is your preference. However you have no right to judge the life of other women. The writer in this article is talking about hypocritical behavior, she is not espousing that all Tamil women should engage in those activities.
I do however agree with the preservation of our beautiful culture and morals. It does not mean you have the right to infringe of the right of women, whether they are in India, Sri Lanka or Canada or wherever our Tamil population reside.
If you really want to be traditional, there is such a thing as gandharva vivaham. See definition below.
A Gandharva Marriage (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sanskrit: गन्धर्व विवाह, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:IPA_for_Hindi_and_Urdu gənd̪ʱərvə vɪvaːhə) is one of the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindu_wedding#Eight_types_of_marriage. This ancient marriage tradition from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_subcontinent was based on mutual attraction between a man and a woman, with no rituals, witnesses or family participation.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref77yodur-1 The marriage of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dushyanta and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakuntala was a historically celebrated example of this class of marriage.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gandharva_marriage#cite_note-ref04yuhop-2

My husband respects me, and loves me, we have a beautiful home and financial security. So what I am trying to say to you is that life is way more complicated than just virginity, just because you are a virgin, does not mean your husband will love you, or that you guys will get along, or that your partner will want to explore everything you want to explore sexually, or your families would get along. Good luck on finding your special someone, just remember a woman is much more than valued virginity. Always respect others. Everyone has a right to their opinions and beliefs.
Thanks,
Q.D.

gandharvavivaham Oh please stop trolling you said yourself that you were a non virgin Tamil female from the west. What do you know about Tamil culture most of Tamils from Canada behave like whites and can’t even speak or understand Tamil.

Are you trying to tell me that all girls in Sri Lanka who are chaste and cultured are village simpletons ? Sorry…many of my cousins are physicians/engineers etc and still live a very cultured life because they have been brought up to regard their husbands and their families as sacred. They wouldn’t even think of dating a man before marriage, and by the time they are in their late 20’s they are likely to well settled with loving husbands who respect them and care for them (unlike the bitter ABCD women who spread their legs before marriage, and then get nasty and cynical in their late 20s wondering why Tamil men don’t like them).
what I don’t understand is why some western Tamil women are so steamed because Western Tamil men go to Sri Lanka to find virgin girls from their family villages (skipping the metro areas). ? Why don’t you content yourself with finding American (ie white or black) boys , since you identify with mainstream westrn culture more than Tamil culture ? As for Tamil guys we have plenty of option available we can get married to young virgin wifes even in our old age. As for me everyone in my family both in France and in Sri Lanka had waited to get married to have sex. Non virgins always get jealous of virgins in our community if you had sex before tying the knot it doesn’t mean that everyone is like you……

Most of Tamil marriages in the west fail because either spouse, usually the girl, has had a sexual experience before meeting her husband. The result is divorce in less than 10 years – very painful. At all costs, maintain your purity untill married, that way your set for life. MEN- never marry a girl who isn’t a virgin. A girl will always be loyal to the man who takes her virginity. Don’t worry you’ll have 50 years of sex to get all the experience you want. VIRGINITY = SMART+ HAPPINESS+ NO DIVORCE. All divorced couples had sex before they were married – that’s a fact.

One who is not virgin , not expected to be faithful post marriage also , be it man/woman. Its all about keeping youself pure for someone special ( hubby/wife). It also dipicts your family value of being faithful or not

This western culture will lead to catastrophe of Tamil society. AIDS will become common in few years. Stop following western culture blindly. When the west has now shown the sign of wakefulness we Tamils are continuously losing our culture. VIRGINITY IS NOT THE LACK OF OPPORTUNITY,ITS THE LACK OF CHARACTER IN THE GIRL.

It is very difficult to have a happy married life once you know your wife has been sleeping around before marriage. Strangly …a man always wishes for a virgin for himself…irrespective of the fun he himself might have had before his own marriage. Howevr virginity is important merely because you value it that is why you have it till marriage. If you do not value it then there are all the chances you might not value it after your marriage and keep on having fun outside your marriage.

Bad women are for bad men, bad men for bad women and good women are for good men and good men are for good women

Man…I totally agree with you on the virgin issue…. My friends have been having sex with women since i was a senior in high school…and ithey ;ve had Tamils, blondes, redheads, punjabis, kashmiris, and even a nasty ass gujarati (yuck !!). But when it comes marriage time they all went going to Sri Lanka to their family villages. And picking up a pretty virgin girls who they can respect. I think one of the reasons Tamil women back home are better wives than Tamil western Is that they look on their husbands as lords and wouldn’t even think of another man. Thats why they are so lovely. I could probably love an innocent Tamil girl much much more than some westernised Tamil girl.

Now, lets see…the first part of your sentence is correct, why should a man limit himself to one ? Now the second half is dead wrong…for us Tamils, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls (with the possible exception of girls from the metro areas who, due to their attitude problems and inferiority complex regarding the west, are having pre-marital sex). Playas should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their virginity so easilyI personally feel that Tamil men love women more when they have saved themselves for their hushand and vice versa. I think it is.men feel more respect for and have sincere tenderness toward a virgin.i guess it has something to do with the pure incecents that men see when we look at a virgin.

Thamizhan
Now, lets see…the first part of your sentence is correct, why should a man limit himself to one ? Now the second half is dead wrong…for us Tamils, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls (with the possible exception of girls from the metro areas who, due to their attitude problems and inferiority complex regarding the west, are having pre-marital sex). Playas should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their virginity so easily
Man…I totally agree with you on the virgin issue…. My friends have been having sex with women since i was a senior in high school…and ithey ;ve had Tamils, blondes, redheads, punjabis, kashmiris, and even a nasty ass gujarati (yuck !!). But when it comes marriage time they all went going to Sri Lanka to their family villages. And picking up a pretty virgin girls who they can respect. I think one of the reasons Tamil women back home are better wives than Tamil western Is that they look on their husbands as lords and wouldn’t even think of another man. Thats why they are so lovely. I could probably love an innocent Tamil girl much much more than some westernised Tamil girl. Non virgins for fun , virgins for settling . Unlike Tamil girls we men are god gift we have plenty of options so it make sense that we pick the best because no one wants the future mother of his children to be a non virgin because if the character of the mother is bad the kids will be bad.

gandharvavivaham
In most arranged marriages in Sri Lankan Tamil culture the girl’s virtue is presumed to be intact. In such traditional marriages her virginity is assumed as much her being AIDS-free is assumed. Thus, one doesn’t expect to ask her regarding her virginity any more than asking whether she is AIDS free. BUT BOTH ARE EXPECTED. Thus, given a traditional arranged marriage system, with the groom being a virgin and not asking his bride, and the bride turning out to be a non-virgin, would you agree that the groom has the right to ditch his wife after the marriage once he discovers that she is not a virgin ?

It is really just a behaviour of animals to loss virginity before marriage,such people should not bound in marriage,they should routet there partner as who once felt in this he never become loyal towards others.what a difference between animal and people

FrenchThamizhan I agree
Now, lets see…the first part of your sentence is correct, why should a man limit himself to one ? Now the second half is dead wrong…for us Tamils, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls (with the possible exception of girls from the metro areas who, due to their attitude problems and inferiority complex regarding the west, are having pre-marital sex). Playas should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their virginity so easily
Man…I totally agree with you on the virgin issue…. My friends have been having sex with women since i was a senior in high school…and ithey ;ve had Tamils, blondes, redheads, punjabis, kashmiris, and even a nasty ass gujarati (yuck !!). But when it comes marriage time they all went going to Sri Lanka to their family villages. And picking up a pretty virgin girls who they can respect. I think one of the reasons Tamil women back home are better wives than Tamil western Is that they look on their husbands as lords and wouldn’t even think of another man. Thats why they are so lovely. I could probably love an innocent Tamil girl much much more than some westernised Tamil girl. Non virgins for fun , virgins for settling . It.s natural selection.

FrenchThamizhan
Now, lets see…the first part of your sentence is correct, why should a man limit himself to one ? Now the second half is dead wrong…for us Tamils, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls (with the possible exception of girls from the metro areas who, due to their attitude problems and inferiority complex regarding the west, are having pre-marital sex). Playas should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their virginity so easily
Man…I totally agree with you on the virgin issue…. My friends have been having sex with women since i was a senior in high school…and ithey ;ve had Tamils, blondes, redheads, punjabis, kashmiris, and even a nasty ass gujarati (yuck !!). But when it comes marriage time they all went going to Sri Lanka to their family villages. And picking up a pretty virgin girls who they can respect. I think one of the reasons Tamil women back home are better wives than Tamil western Is that they look on their husbands as lords and wouldn’t even think of another man. Thats why they are so lovely. I could probably love an innocent Tamil girl much much more than some westernised Tamil girl. Non virgins for fun , virgins for settling .

Here is my view for the umpteenth time. I am Canadian born, and I do indeed like CERTAIN parts of the Canadian lifestyle, mainly the Economic aspect. No doubt, when it comes to the prosperity, Canada is #1. Canadian Tamil women are fine for sexual enjoyment and can be great friends (for sex and otherwise), but do not suit my idea of marriage (which includes a chaste girl). So, I feel that it is in the self-interest of Tamil men in Canada to seek out a chaste girls from Sri Lanka. Of course, many Tamils in Canada are very much assimilated and do not mind having a non-virgin wife (i’ve heard many even prefer that). I want a virgin wife and thus I will be getting one from Sri Lanka when marriage time comes. Till then, I will use my extensive knowledge of Relational databases, and Tamil thought to charm Uni girls into my bed 😉

“In regards to my so-called double standards, well…let’s just say that men and woman are fundamentally different in that men are born with the ability to inseminate virtually unlimited women, while women can only support being pregnant once a year. Thus, monogamy makes sense for women (and for men in marriages), but for unmarried men, having multiple sex partners isn’t such a big deal. I know that may sound unfair, but don’t yell at me…go scream at god or something. Also…no amount of social activism can change this fact that men are programmed for having multiple partners, while women are not. Call it “double standards” or call it “sexist” or whatever….you can give it any label you want…I just call it nature”

The way we think is the RIGHT way. A woman should remain a virgin until she is married. We know it is sexist and unfair. But life is frikkin’ unfair. Men and women are different in many ways, sex is just another one of them.
If a man screws around, it is considered normal or even cool. A man can brag to his friends about how many women he’s had and nobody will care. Look at the late-great NBA player,Wilt Chamberlain (RIP). He claimed to have slept with over 20,000 women.
Now think if a female athlete would come out and say she has slept with over 20,000 men. Would people still respect her?? Hell no!
There is a huge difference in men and womens’ virginity- whether you admit it or not.

MixleAnoj Like the other dude said it’s better to marry a young virgin tamil bride back home , they will treat you like a king , they don’t drink/smoke go to clubs and they will clean and cook for you . Another reason is that they speak and understand Tamil , they will pass Tamil culture and values to your kids.

FrenchThamizhan Those kind of girls are the most scary. I don’t see why I should feed and pay for a non virgin Tamil girl. The girls like Nivetha are the reason why I’m going to get an arranged marriage with a virgin girl in Sri Lanka (between the age of 16-20 max).

I have never seen a marriage end in divorce where the two people were virgin before marriage.

All these claims by Ghandarva and other du*b people that virgins leave your after marriage and that there is no stability in your marriage if you marry a virgin is all FALSE.

Marrying a virgin is like marrying someone who had the patience, will-power and dedication to wait till marriage. Marrying a non-virgin girl is like marrying someone who may have std’s , someone else’s kid, secret abortion, and is more likely to cheat even after marriage.

People who say that you wont get any girls with that attitude are just stupid.
Trust me there are alot of virgins out there so go get one.

FrenchThamizhan
I have never seen a marriage end in divorce where the two people were virgin before marriage.

All these claims by Ghandarva and other du*b people that virgins leave your after marriage and that there is no stability in your marriage if you marry a virgin is all FALSE.

Marrying a virgin is like marrying someone who had the patience, will-power and dedication to wait till marriage. Marrying a non-virgin girl is like marrying someone who may have std’s , someone else’s kid, secret abortion, and is more likely to cheat even after marriage.

People who say that you wont get any girls with that attitude are just stupid.
Trust me there are alot of virgins out there so go get one.

men don’t want to marry lefts overs

Like you said A girl will always be loyal to the man who takes her virginity. Don’t worry you’ll have 50 years of sex to get all the experience you want. VIRGINITY = SMART+ HAPPINESS+ NO DIVORCE. All divorced couples had sex before they were married – that’s a fact.

In this market of “supply and demand”, it may be true that at the end of the day, there is more demand for virgin girls.I think virginity is a personal issue, and sexual preference does not make a person good or bad. There are far more qualities which are more important to consider in selecting spouse than to worry about sexual preference.
I’ll tell you why that most of Tamil men prefer virgins. Virgins are more innocent and faithfull they know the meaning of monogamy. Marrying a non virgin Tamil girls is dangerous because she is most likely to cheat on you after marriage (trust me i’ve seen it by my own eyes),or divorce you and claim 50% of your wealth .I don’t care how much she is educated or wealthy..A virgin wife will always be better than the non virgin.
Virginity for the female is given more importance than that for the male (although it is admirable for the male too) because the act of sexual penetration is done to the female. Also, women are evolutionaraily suited towards monogamy and committment. They produce limited ovum for a limited time. Men on the other hand are producing sperm into their 70s and 80s. Men can attract younger women even in their 60s with silver hair making them look sexy, but women past 40 tend to have NO luck attracting men because they get old and saggy.
Women are innately more emotional regarding sex than men, and intercourse with multiple partners leaves them with emotional scars whereas for men, multiple partners infuses them with a sense of virility. The above is ESPECIALLY true for Tamils. So, to all my fellow western Tamil males: Enjoy good, safe sex with the westernized Tamil women who are pretty good at intercourse while young and in College. Once marriage time comes, have your parents find you a pretty, virginal bride from Sri Lanka. You can teach her the ropes and have a good clean married life. Yes I agree with you 100% about the competition with other men in her life that is the reason when i want to get married i am going to ensure she is a virgin even if it takes a medical exam of my prospective wife. Come on, if she is a virgin she has nothing to hide and so would her parents ..I guess. I know I sound rather backdated in todays times but I’d rather have a sound begining to my married life..who knows what is in store for us anyway..why make it harder by bringing in this new problem of competing in the bed..for gods sake thats the last place I want competition.Remember to stick your finger in her vagina on your wedding night to make sure the “Seal” is still there though….

JasonDuneuftroi I am saddened by the fact you would say that, especially with the fact my husband and I found each other and have been loyal to each other from our deeds and thoughts from the beginning. We have a strong love, my husband is not narrow minded like most Tamil men are and I thank God for it. I have a lot of respect for “one man, one woman” concept of relationship that is followed in our culture. What I am defending here is that Tamil men should not sleep around and than turn around and act hypocritical and put down Tamil women who choose the same path. I would be interested to know what your definition of the meaning of love?

When you say people like me, what category are you classifying me into? because my husband is the only man I’ve been with. He can attest to that.
Thanks, Q.D.

JasonDuneuftroi MixleAnoj
I am a Canadian, but I went back to Sri Lanka between 2005 – 2007 to visit my grandparents and enrolled in school there. I wanted to learn about my culture. Let me tell you about Tamil girls there. The culture has evolved. Many Tamil girls, are very friendly with Tamil boys and they go onto falling in love with them, while in high school. Almost all Tamil girls would have had some form of sexual attraction to a man and would have had a love affair before they reach the age of majority. This is true for, in your words, all attractive hot girls from Sri Lanka. So do not be deluded. They do however jump ship when a rich old man from foreign countries come to take them away to a “better life.”

Most girls who are homely, the group, you don’t want to have anything to do with, would be as pure in body but even they will not be pure in thought. This is the reality that I saw with my eyes from all parts of Sri Lanka, not just the urban areas. There is also the added issue of them getting integrated into Canadian society.

But if your ideal marriage is to have a traditional marriage, go ahead and look for a young bride, but I can guarantee you she will change as soon as she gets here. I’ve seen this with my own eyes too.
Believe me no girl either from Sri Lanka or Canada will be happy with a selfish, narrow minded men who think like this.

FrenchThamizhan how can you possibly guarantee that your family is pure or virgins, or have never dated a man before marriage, are you with them 24/7? Not saying they are, just saying how can you be sure? Tamil women’s experiences in Sri Lanka and India have become exactly same as the experiences of Tamil girls in Canada due to the wave of westernization that has taken over the world, my argument is not that following your culture and waiting for marriage wrong, I am in a unique category, where I have been with a man whom I was physically involved (let’s cut the vulgarity, does not make you sound intelligent or strong) with marriage and continue to do so for the last nine years. He can attest to that, and that’s all that matters. What have you to say for that? It’s sounds more like you are against love rather than sex before marriage. Because if you’ve loved, your eyes would have been opened to a different reality in relationships.

The writer here is not saying choose her, above a Tamil women from Sri Lanka, she is saying don’t be a damn hypocrite. In fact I think the author here would not even give most of these men on this site a second look and would prefer a good looking white guy. Hurts doesn’t it, when you are second choice to a white man.

I am saying you might be surprised by the type of Tamil women that reside in Sri Lanka and India. Don’t forget when you are restricted by culture in your country and society, you are tempted to break those rules, this actually is the reality in Sri Lanka. Of course all this happens behind close doors.

Thank the gods, the man I’ve been with since 19 is absolutely gorgeous physically and mentally. He is so attractive not because he was a virgin. He is attractive because he treats me like a human rather than a commodity. All of you can take a page out of his personality.

Suthasri I wouldn’t go too far and call people animals.. even though we are all mammals, however I do agree with you, that if the girl lied to you and said they are virgins, than there is a trust issue in that marriage. If a girl wants to live her life the way she wants to, she shouldn’t turn around and try to conform back into a traditional role; she needs to break free completely and admit to previous experiences. Generally women like that tend to choose their own partners and don’t wait on their parents to find them a groom, so she has every opportunity to be open about her life. If however she waits for the traditional arranged marriage, after living her life the way she finds acceptable, than she is gonna be in hot waters, because the man would have traditional mentality.

On the other hand if the man’s slept around the argument here is that the man should not turn around and expect the women have no previous experience. What’s fair is fair.. that’s equality.

gandharvavivaham, I can honestly say with pride that when I went back to Sri Lanka, I did enroll in a number of Tamil literature courses in Illakiyam. So you will be extremely surprised by the importance love and sex is given in Tamil culture. Sanskrit is a text from which our language evolved. I will encourage you to read a few novels that are well received in Tamil society’s. There is an author called Sandilyan. He is quite interesting and beautiful to read. There is no such thing as Ghandavar, the concept is called ghandarva vivaham which translates to marriage by attraction. This marriage takes place with the witnesses of Fire and Water and is completed when marriage is consummated. I wonder how much you know of Tamil or Tamil culture? Thamil pesavavathu theriyuma?

JasonDuneuftroi MixleAnoj Ignore the user above she said herself in previous posts that she lost her viriginity before marriage.As for finding a bride in Sri Lanka it’s the best way if you want a wife that is a virgin find a girl that is between 16-22 max at this age you can be sure that your bride is a virgin. Above 22 there are still loads of virgin but they are old (not good for sex) the only advanage would be that they are educated . If you marry a young girl it will be easier for her to adjust to Canadian culture and education and better for you because she won’t age faste.
Don’t believe the western female dominated society with their lies

I am Sri lankan and yes virginity is a big deal with Sri Lankan Tamil women born in the country. They usually do not lose it till after marriage. Does not apply to all Indian women depends if they are culture conscious or conservative but yeah that is a true fact mate.

I am an Tamil woman who married a Tamil man but settled in Canada. I’ve been married for 5 years now. I really think western Tamil women are more high maintenance. They want nannies to take care of kids, want loads of spending money, want full day massage sessions, want vacations that empty your bank accounts and on top of that would not cook or clean the house. Tamil women in the countryare a lot more adjusting.

About being born and raised in Canada but marrying someone in Sri Lanka I think that if the girl/boy is from a city, it is not much of a problem. If you are looking for a virgin, you are more likely to find one in Sri Lanka than here.

Tamil girls and boys raised in Canada do tend to get exposed to sex and sexual thoughts even from grade one! It would be unreasonable to expect someone who is pure and virgin. Tamil girls in Canada can’t even cook Tamil food , or understand Tamil let alone speaking.Many men from Canada marry girls back in the country because they make the best wifes. We treat our man like god gift , like you said we can pass Tamil culture to our kids .I have noticed that Tamils girls that were born in Canada are just like white girls (they don’t have that inner beauty that we Tamil girls from the country have).

RajuLankan Vulgarity is not intelligent or interesting. It in facts discredits your entire argument. A man is just as hooked as a woman after making love to the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with and if he loves her, this can happen before or after marriage; if you are having casual sex, don’t be a hypocrite if your future wife follows that rule. Virginity is not faithfulness, I know of at least 5 instances in the tamil community where the arranged marriages with virgins have failed because they cheated. They cheated because they were lonely, the virgin man is just not satisfying or too selfish, they found a friend they fell in love with, the man had a brutish and backwards mentality, the man was abusive and cold. etc. Don’t be delusional or crass.

Most men tend to cheat because the partner is just not good enough in bed, or don’t put out enough, or don’t wanna do the things you would like them to do! This is reality too.

I am a Canadian, but I went back to Sri Lanka between 2005 – 2007. Let me tell you about Tamil girls there. The culture has truly evolved. Many Tamil girls, are very friendly with Tamil boys and they go onto falling in love with them, while in high school. Almost all Tamil girls would have had some form of sexual attraction to a man and would have had a love affair before they reach the age of majority. This is true for, in your words, all attractive hot girls from Sri Lanka. So do not be deluded. They do however jump ship when a rich old man from foreign countries come to take them away to a “better life.”

Most girls who are homely, the group, you don’t want to have anything to do with, would be as pure in body but even they will not be pure in thought. This is the reality that I saw with my eyes from all parts of Sri Lanka, not just the urban areas. There is also the added issue of them getting integrated into Canadian society.

But if your ideal marriage is to have a traditional marriage, go ahead and look for a young bride, but I can guarantee you she will change as soon as she gets here. I’ve seen this with my own eyes too.
Believe me no girl either from Sri Lanka or Canada will be happy with a selfish, narrow minded men who think like this.

RajuLankan
I know of at least 5 instances in the tamil community where the arranged marriages with virgins have failed because they cheated. They cheated because they were lonely, the virgin man is just not satisfying or too selfish, they found a friend they fell in love with, the man had a brutish and backwards mentality, the man was abusive and cold. etc. Don’t be delusional or crass.

Most men tend to cheat because the partner is just not good enough in bed, or don’t put out enough, or don’t wanna do the things you would like them to do! This is reality too. You will not have that problem with the women you all are putting down, in fact good healthy sex life just might make your marriage successful! Imagine that!!! A non-virgin who can have a successful marriage, with a non-hypocritical male.

I am a Canadian, but I went back to Sri Lanka between 2005 – 2007. Let me tell you about Tamil girls there. The culture has truly evolved. Many Tamil girls, are very friendly with Tamil boys and they go onto falling in love with them, while in high school. Almost all Tamil girls would have had some form of sexual attraction to a man and would have had a love affair before they reach the age of majority. This is true for, in your words, all attractive hot girls from Sri Lanka. So do not be deluded. They do however jump ship when a rich old man from foreign countries come to take them away to a “better life.”

Most girls who are homely, the group, you don’t want to have anything to do with, would be as pure in body but even they will not be pure in thought. This is the reality that I saw with my eyes from all parts of Sri Lanka, not just the urban areas. There is also the added issue of them getting integrated into Canadian society.

But if your ideal marriage is to have a traditional marriage, go ahead and look for a young bride, but I can guarantee you she will change as soon as she gets here. I’ve seen this with my own eyes too.
Believe me no girl either from Sri Lanka or Canada will be happy with a selfish, narrow minded men who think like this.

JasonDuneuftroi Ignore Gandharv she said in previous posts that she lost her virignity before marriage.I can smell jealousy and envy .
i am Sri lankan and yes virginity is a big deal with Sri Lankan Tamil women born in the country. They usually do not lose it till after marriage. Does not apply to all Sri Lankan women depends if they are culture conscious or conservative but yeah that is a true fact mate.

My brother married a Tamil woman from Sri Lanka but they settled in Canada. I’ve been married for 5 years now. I really think western Tamil women are more high maintenance. They want nannies to take care of kids, want loads of spending money, want full day massage sessions, want vacations that empty your bank accounts and on top of that would not cook or clean the house. Tamil women from the country are a lot more adjusting.

About being born and raised in Canada but marrying someone in Sri Lanka I think that if the girl/boy is from a city, it is not much of a problem. If you are looking for a virgin, you are more likely to find one in Sri Lanka than here.

Tamil girls and boys raised in Canada do tend to get exposed to sex and sexual thoughts even from grade one! It would be unreasonable to expect someone who is pure and virgin.

Good that is the way it should be and despite what the feminism wants to brainwash you with, MOST OF THE TIME you can tell if she is a virgin or not and MOST OF THE TIME she still has a hymen if she is a virgin. Don’t believe the western female dominated society with their lies If you want a virgin Tamil bride just go and get one in Sri Lanka .You can marry a young virgin girl 16-22 and bring her in Canada, she will adapt quickly or you could marry an older 25+ educated Tamil women from the country but the problem is that they age quickly.But having a younger brides is better for sex and they can speak and understand Tamil unlike 99% of Tamils in Canada, which is good like this you can pass on Tamil culture to your kids. Tamil women in Canada should be avoided they are no different than white women, they don’t have that inner beauty that the girl back home have + they are not virgin.

gandharvavivaham Actually it works very well most of my friends and family have done it , and the girls from the country are the best. They are very grateful because we gave them a chance to have a better life, and they make fantastic mothers because they were virgin before marriage . The guys treat them like princess because they deserve it. Tamil girls in Europe in the othe hand are the worst they are not virgin, they drink,smoke and some even do drugs.They cheat on their partner ,they only get married for money and divorce you to get your wealth if you don’t obey them in one way they are worthless gold diggers.If you want to spent your money spent it right on a girl that deserve it.

ArjunSivakumar if according to your argument I should be pure for marriage for my husband, I was pure to the man I married, so what exactly I am I envious of or jealous of? I already got what you all porport is important! Unfortunately trying to attack me doesn’t help your argument! So attack my argument! I am asking you to be realistic of the Tamil women in sri lanka, sex ed is a required subject in sri lankan schools now.. Do you know what’s laughable its boys from outside thinking that there is a boatload of virgins waiting to marry them from Sri Lanka.
Let me give you some news, most girls in Sri Lanka are scared that you are gonna bring them to a foreign country and abuse them. And they have every right to fear that! as it has happened to them by older men taking advantage of younger girls. They also have a very low opinion of men from Canada, US or any part of Europe because of their sexual promiscuity. Sad when the shoes is on the other foot isn’t it. However they will settle for a life abroad due to parental pressure.

I do agree with you that Tamil woman are way more high maintenance, but they have more to offer, an education, profession etc. where as women from Sri Lanka have to settle for the one’s who can’t afford the Canadian women. Anyway’s hope you have kids who think exactly like you other wise I can tell for sure there will be murder in your family.

RajuLankan Excelling reply as you said an Older man can marry a young hot wife but the opposite is not possible. There are Several reasons. 1), women claim to mature faster than men, so wouldn’t a younger guy be extra immature for an older female? 2) She will hit menopause at the same time he is hitting his peak as a man. 3) in our society, a man at 22 most likely cannot support himself, much less a family, so what is he doing marrying a woman with ticking biological clock? As for me I’m definitely grateful for being born Tamil. I have 2 uncles that have married very young girls in their forties and they have a happy life.I’m definitely going to get a wif1 in Sri Lanka!

JasonDuneuftroi The only reason Tamil women from Sri Lanka agree to marry from outside the country is to get a better life, in fact it’s very easy to abuse the power of this concept of “better life”. Any Tamil man from Sri Lanka will jump at the chance for the same, he will not take a second look at the virginity of a women from Canada if he can come to Canada.

ArjunSivakumar So in essense they are your adimai, who will not talk back to you or say anything against you because now there is this pressure they need to be grateful to you. Are you serious??? Virginity makes good mothers??? What has this dumb world come to? Are men allowed to drink and smoke??? Equality is the subject matter of this article remember! If you can do it, don’t judge women who do it!! If you judge, don’t do what you are saying women shouldn’t do>> bottom line….

I am not saying it doesn’t work, I am saying it doesn’t always workout!!! There is added problem, especially when it comes to financial security. Most women who are willing to come to Canada do not have the required education to get the highpaying jobs women from Canada who have an education can get. So they end up working in factory’s and timmy’s. Is that the life you want for your wife? anyways who i am i to judge, we are all given our life like how its written… some are lucky to have the opportunities some are not.. Don’t take advantage of the one’s who don’t have the opportunity to be treated fairly.

ArjunSivakumar According to science a younger guy would have the exact drive as a women in her prime, thus the concept of cougars. Anyway’s no one is saying you shouldn’t marry from Sri Lanka, just don’t go there with your eyes closed shut! And don’t judge women based on virginity. By the way a women can loose/rip her hymen riding a bike in the pot holed roads in Sri Lanka, so in essence she will not bleed. So should she be judged too and considered inadmissible for marriage?

RajuLankan
Sounds like all you guys are scared you would not measure up so you wanna make sure you get the girl who will not think you less of a man, because she’s had no previous experience. Do you guys honestly say, there is no divorce in arranged marriages?? or between virgins?

gandharvavivaham Do you know what’s funny it’s girls like you. You think that every girls are the same?I
Get your facts right about Sri Lanka…… I couldn’t careless of what you think because I’m a hight caste I won’t find any problem to find a virgin wife , I have family member and friends that did it, it’s very easy to find virgin girls .
The grass is always greener on the other side. I will not deny that in most developed countries the standard of living is much better than most places in India,

It basically comes down to demand and supply as arranged marriages are essentially seen as deals by pretty much all involved(I know there are exceptions but this is the general rule)..
So both the guy and girl are treated as products and the features of the product like looks, education and income are analysed and compared..
Now comparing sheer numbers there are fewer girls that are educated and working than men..
As the guys who want educated working girls are just much higher in number girls with decent features(which in arranged marriages mean education,income and looks) are in high demand..and the girls know this fact..
Thus like any trader who knows their product is in short supply they increase their asking price..as marriage is more like the barter system the girls thus ask for much higher qualities from prospective grooms as they know there are many people chasing them and like any trader want to get maximum return on their product… Most of young virgin Sri Lanka girls dream of being settled abroad they have the choice no one force girl to marry against their will in an arrange marriage .As for abusive are you joking? most of Tamil guys in Sri Lanka beat their wife while abroad we don’t. It’s very easy to marry a young girl and make her study to find a job. As for me I don’t have to worry about those stuff because I know what to do because of my uncles.Actually mot of educate Tamils guy prefer to get brides abroad because the one in Canada are not worth being the future mothers of our kids.Most of Tamil men don’t care about money we want a girl that we can respect and treat as equal.I don’t care how much she is educated or wealthy..A virgin wife will always be better than the non virgin when it comes to marriage.

gandharvavivaham
Intimacy with the husband is broken if women sleep around too much.Over 5 sexual partners it becomes where the woman isn’t connecting with the man and will grow tired of the marriage. She cannot feel the immense sexual attraction she felt for her first few partners and the sexual attraction goes away. After a while she cannot bond because there is nothing left to bond with.so she can feel attraction for a little while but not love. This is why most relationships last under a year. Women who are virgins are best but women who have had a couple of sex partners are fine too.They can still bond. Studies also shows women who sleep around age faster. when she is 35 year old she will look like a 45 year old. Sex with too many partners is rough on a woman’s body and she will look older than she is

For many Tamil men, the ideal is a woman with the outer beauty of a Tamil woman here and the inner beauty of a Tamil woman back home. Any woman can go from a 6 to an 10 with a proper understanding of style and presentation. While outer beauty is easy to fix, inner beauty is much harder to change.Money is not everything but it’s not a problem for me my family is rich.We have many contacts and we know what step to take .

gandharvavivaham
No offence but Tamil women that marry out side of there culture are usually not pure , they mostly have screwed up families , parents are married 2 or three times or are interacial marriage , raised by single parent born out side of Sri Lanka , etc they are not aware of true family values, traditions, history , there fore there hatred turn them to other cultures to be loved.

Are you an Indian , it make sense know , learn that Indian culture and Sri Lankan Tamil culture is different. In India it’s fine to have sex , they are westernized while in Sri Lanka it’s not.As for Nivetha marrrying a white man why should it hurt us? No Tamil guy would marry her anyways she is use good , it would make sense that she marry a white guy or black guy out of choice.It’s better for her to not marry an innocent Tamil guy

.It is no secret that after having pre martial sex .many people will inadvertently treat her like you are used goods. who will want to love someone who has already belonged to someone else? Who wants to choose her as a mother for their children when she a already been someone else’s wife before marriage? It’s much better for her to marry outside the Tamil community.

gandharvavivaham
I was responding to your inferiority complex stinking stupid comment “Now, lets see…the first part of your sentence is correct, why should a man limit himself to one ? Now the second half is dead wrong…for us Tamil men, we always have our beautiful chaste Tamil girls . Playas should always look towards the homeland when it comes to finding a wife, so that we can avoid the dumb girls (who tend to be studying crap like marketing, sociology, psychology, accounting etc at college) who give away their virginity so easily”

You basically said it yourself….women who are educated are lose, amoral and have all sorts of problems and women who aren’t attending college are better! Being a hypocrite now aren’t we? How typical. And there goes the justifying not being able to find an educated woman who would be interested in you by calling such women lose, characterless and what not. Totally typical.

By the way….I wasn’t putting western culture down. I am a born Canadian citizen, and I do like Canada very much. It is the biggest wealth creating society the worl has ever known. Canadian economic opportunities (aka “western culture”) are staggering. BUT…the social structure has many more flaws in it than does in Tamil social structure. One can have the best of both worlds, which is what my original point was. If one is a smart, aggressive, good looking Indian man in Canada, you can enjoy the readily available white women and Westernized Tamil women and take full advantage of the Money. However, in my opinion, the vast majority of white women and westernized Tamil women are not suitable for marriage (with virginity being one of the reasons), and one should thus get a bride from Sri Lanka whose form and complexion are agreeable to your fancy and then love and cherish her. THATS ALL !!!

gandharvavivaham
Sanskrit is a text from which our language evolved. loooooool get your fact right….. You didn’t study anything. LOOOL

Proud to be தமிழ், (tamil), Tamil is the mother of all Dravidian languages a.We are also the last classical civilization on Earth.We have the oldest and still civilization on this planet! Be proud of it!
According to the evolution theory and the migration studies of human beings, we originated in Africa and one group migrated to South India and another migrated to present day Arabia/Iran and then into europe…The first inhabitants of the Indian subcontinent were the dravidians who lived in present day south tamilnadu and kerala…and they spoke a language that is derived by imitating the basic sounds of birds and animals…this language later grew to be called Tamil and it had acquired a written form…
Later Dravidians migrated further north and and settled in present day karnataka, Andhra etc…Initially these settlers were speakinNA studies have shown that the original inhabitants of the Indian subcontinent (Much before the Aryans came into north India and much before the language sanskrit was born) were the Virumandi clan in tamilnadu and they speak Tg tamil but slowly it got modified and they developed their own script and their dialect developed into a mature, independent form known as todays Kannada and Telugu…
until the 10t century Tamil and Malayalam were the same language and there was no distinction..”Malayalam” means “the dialect of the Hill people” in Tamil…slowly the hill people beyond the western ghats mountain ranges developed tehir own style and dialect and malayam branched off as a separate language…with its own literature..
Some dravidians migrated even further north into the present day afghanistan and iran and they have also evolved into a seprate language (Eg Malto)…. The indus valley script (The language of the indus valley civilisation) is so far undeciphered…but so far the best accepted and the most consistent theory is that this language was dravidian…the original harappans who lived in present day balochistan in pakistan, spoke a dravidian language called Brahvi…It must be noted also that the indua vally civilisation happened much later than the migrant settlers in deep south India that i mentioned earlier(The virumandis)..
Now all these dravidian languages are quite mature and independent though they they had the same origin and this origin language was called Tamil..It must be noted than written script evolved much much later and hence origin of the languages can be much older than their written forms.
DNA studies have shown that the original inhabitants of the Indian subcontinent (Much before the Aryans came into north India and much before the language sanskrit was born) were the Virumandi clan in tamilnadu and they speak Tamil…these people are the original Indians if you want to call them so…Please watch the googlevideos link and the DNA studies of the haplo group website…
Later Dravidians migrated further north and and settled in present day karnataka, Andhra etc…Initially these settlers were speaking tamil but slowly it got modified and they developed their own script and their dialect developed into a mature, independent form known as todays Kannada and Telugu…
Sanskrit is the language of Aryans…When they invaded india (kumari kandam) they stole all the works of tamils and put credit to their names..They ‘SSHH’ sound is very dominant in their language..so they added the ‘SSHH’ word to lot of tamil words and mantrams. For eg., Vittunu became Vishnu, Agathiyar -> Agasthiyar, Kandha -> Skandha, Vetti -> Veshti, Arasuvathi -> Saraswati, latchumi -> lakshmi etc..
The aryans (brahmins) were very adamant and they will not give credit to anyone….Even they created the caste system as well and named Tamils as SHUDRAS… Tamils were very knowledgeable persons and they gave the world Thirukkanidha panchangam several thousand years before…Which involves complex mathematics and formulas… The tamils scholars always used to perform calculations using several formulas. The tamil word for formulae is ‘SHUTHIRAM’….this shuthiram became ‘SASHTRA’ in sanskrit and they named tamils as ‘SHUDRAS'(beacause they always perform ‘SHUTHIRAM’) and made SHUDRAS as low caste…. Your ancestors were bastarized stop calling yourself an Hindu we are not one people, Hindu is the name given by the aryan invaders….True dravidians (Tamils) will never accept aryan invaders…The whole indian subcontinen was inbibited by Dravidians right from harappa to ganges to kaveri. Ganga Gounder are dravidian origin only. they are also pure race of dravidians. see their dna profile analysis. W
And I need not add that Its th Tamils(Dravidian(the Sanskrit word “Davida” actually meant “Tamil)) who were the builders of the Indus valley civilization. When the Aryan people moved into India (they were not invaders but moved in as pastorialists/nomads over a period of time starting from around 1800 bc (long after the Ind
Ad don’t forget..Sanskrit is dead as a popular(i mean poppular=spoken by people). and Tamil lives.Tamils can understand tamil poems and literature written 2300 years ago. when thiruvalluvars “kurral” is read, any tamil can understand it! this shows how much tamil has retained its purity vis a vis other indian languages. can an average hindi person understand ANY of the sanskrit slokas?nope!
do u know that the word “ganga” itself is not originally Sanskrit? its proven to be either a “Munda” or “Dravidian’ word. even Sanskrit scholars agree.
and guess whats the origin of the other so called aryan word “Pur/puri” (meaning city).?? It derives from the Dravidian word “Ur” and interestingly the Sumerian word “UR” has the same meaning and linguists acknowledge the fact that the Sumerian language Might have been heavily influenced/and/or/ be an offshoot of the Dravidian language
even today in tamil we use the word “ur”. the main cities of the Sumerians had the names “Urruk” and “Nippur”
and finally many of the names of the hindu gods and godesses are actually the names of the gods and godesses of the Indus valley people(dravidians). the aryans co-opted these gods into their Pantheon, lol..even the higest of all hindu gods; “siva” is a dravidian god.

please read some history/archeology before you post fact that would only make you seem ignorant . Bit again i’m not surprised you can’t understand Tamil .

gandharvavivaham
How can you be so ignorant about your own culture lol.
Let”s not further complicate.
India – Country
Tamil- Oldest Indian language
Dravidian( Natural Inhabitants of India)- also a Linguistic Group
speakers of
Tamil, Telugu,Brahui,Malyalam,Tulu
Aryan nomads or invaders who arrived into India during 1500bc -Linguistic Group
speakers of Sanskrit ,Hindi, Punjabi, Sinhala, Bengali etc….
Mother of Dravidian Tongue – Tamil
Monther of Indo-Aryan Tongue – Sanskrit
The difference between Tamil and Sanskrit is the age whereby Tamil is older than Sanskrit .Tamils are the natives to India , while aryans are immigrants (just like americans/canadians/etc) They do not have a country of their own…
By the way the term “Hindu” is a persian term! they were not able to pronounce “indus” , for the people who lived east and south of the Indus river hence they called us “Hindus”.for heavens sake!
I do not see why people should not call themselves a Punjabi pr Tamil or etc etc…?? you seem to confuse ethnicity with religion!. lol. do you want all of to lose our cultural/ethnic identities and become carbon copies of one another? sheesh!! the uniqueness in our religion is that Hinduism(i loath to use that foreign word) is a religion that does not “force” a bunch of “rules and regulations” on people! unlike many other religions do!. thats why Hinduism is an allencompassing religion.for example; if a person becomes muslim he takes on an arabic name(ex..muhammed, ismail, abdhus…etc etc) whereas hindus do not have any such rules, i can have my name as “Mr X” and still be a hindu.
And also, Hinduism is a religion that does NOT have ANY central texts or dogma. a Hindu in nepal would have VERY different sacred texts and practices from one in Srilanka. yet they are both Hindus.
so what will be the saxred textx be if u wanted to abolish ethnicities? the Vedas? The bagawat Gita?
For ur info, for many saivite tamils The Vedhas are almost as unknown as the bible. the same is true vice versa. a north Indian would never know about the Tamil saivite Thervarams or Thiruvasakams.
Each ethnic group hasits own texts and practices. we should be glad that we are the model of a universal religion, very different ethnicities having very different practices, being part of one religion.

RajuLankan Man…I totally agree with you on the virgin issue…. My friends have been having sex with women since i was a senior in high school…and ithey ;ve had Tamils, blondes, redheads, punjabis, kashmiris, and even a nasty ass gujarati (yuck !!). But when it comes marriage time they all went going to Sri Lanka to their family villages. And picking up a pretty virgin girls who they can respect. I think one of the reasons Tamil women back home are better wives than Tamil western Is that they look on their husbands as lords and wouldn’t even think of another man. Thats why they are so lovely. I could probably love an innocent Tamil girl much much more than some westernised Tamil girl. Non virgins for fun , virgins for settling . It.s natural selection

ArjunSivakumar gandharvavivaham The sister is obliviously a Tamil that has no idea of her roots. It’s people like her that motivates so many Tamil men want to marry Tamil girls in the country .First time that I see a Tamil person saying that Tamil is derived from sanskrit ROFL.

ArjunSivakumar gandharvavivaham
In simple words
India and Tamil language is blended from ancient Time, Sanskrit is later arrived , way much in the later time. Which is why some North Indians worship Tamil gods and use Tamil words.

Thamizhs are thamizhs, hinduism is a loot of ancient tamil saints and their teachings which was made a lusty product by nordic aryans….

this land after the indus valley was fully of native thamizhs with pagan culture with saint(siththa) traditions.

gandharvavivaham Please educate yourself instead of posting rots.
India is one of the oldest civilisation in the world
Around 9000-10 000bc
Natural cataclysmic landslips occurred as a result of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions which periodically affected the surface of the earth and the ocean beds. As the continent of Lemuria was sinking in the western portion, people migrated to Asia, Nile Valley, Australia and the lands of the Pacific forming Mu. The Lemurians also colonized North and South America formed the continent of Atlantis and Inca civiliasation.
According to Geologists “Kumari Nadu”. These lands are now identified as Lemuria. They extended far beyond the present day Kanyakumari the southern most tip of India.
The people of Kumari kandam or Lemuria are of Tamil speaking and they are the native Dravidian, indigenious to the Indian soil.
So Lemuria will give a clear idea how old Tamil language is ,it is around from at least 9000bc till now ,
I don’t know whether is it correct to name it as First language, it could be but it is indeed the oldest Indian language and one of the 3 oldest languages in the world.
2)What is Hinduism then and now?
Who are Dravdians?
Who are Aryans?
Hinduism then during the Dravidian Tamil civilisatin was of meditative basis, extream devotees of Lord Shiva, but there wasn’t any such thing as Vedas and such, there could have been Vedas, but the Sanskrit Vedas that we see now is later created by the Aryans when they stepped into India as intruders/nomads.
Ofcoz before creating such Vedas they must have gotten the knowledge from the Dravidian way of life, so Vedas are asserts of Hinduism but the purity of Vedas coluld have been fabricated by the Aryans to suit their style and accelerate their idendity covering their image as illiterate nomads.
Aryans arent”t the natural inhabitants of India , they are intruders, they were actually illiterate nomads who stepped in for food and shelter, later learnt the arts and literature and the way of life (which is what is called Hinduism now) .
In a later period they came out with Sanskrit and the caste system, the asserts of Aryans. Later they fabricated Hinduisms” way of life, caste system was forced into Hinduism.
Later their ideas and fabrication was scattered all over.
Tamil language naturally influence Sanskrit when it was created because Tamil was the only reference the Aryans had before coming up with Sanskrit.
In the later medieval period, not to deny the fact Sanskrit did influence Tamil language And today you can see the Aryans coming to find shelter in South India, truth is that they are just like white people only good at stealing and nothing else.
Scientifically,genetically,archaeologica… already has proved that north indian 100% invaders. I’m from malaysia…i saw some books regarding tourism which intended to selling for who wish to travel foreign countries.So i have seen about Indonesia,Thailand,Brazil and etc. At first content of the book is about introduction of the country,cultures and annals so when i referred to india, I learnt the truth about Aryan Invasion,King darius,Punjab descendants and much more truth about Aryan Barbarians..North indians DNA root from persian,caucasian greek and Greater Iran as well as European barbarians.Learn your history right…
North Indian Hindu Brahamanas kill hundreds of Indian Blacks (Dravidians) & Indo-Mongoloids everyday, rape their women, made them pregnant, kill Christians & Muslims, practice untouchability, slaughter thousands of animals in the name of fire sacrifice…. when will this inhuman practice come to an end?
The discovery of the Indus Valley Civilization in the 1920s brought to light a suppressed chapter of Indian history, namely the large-scale destruction and genocide perpetrated over 1000 years by the Aryan invaders on indigenous Indian black Sudras, Mongoloids and Semites. However, this episode is blatantly denied by the Brahmin-controlled press of India, which propagates highly distorted versions of history, and even goes to the extent of denying that any genocide took place. Such distortion of history leads to the continuation of crimes against humanity; the massacre of Sudroid Tamils in Sri Lanka by Aryan Buddhists and the genocide of Dalits by the Brahmanist Republic of India after 1947 are merely consequences of the negationist mindset. Sinahla people are related to aryans …
The Tamil literatures, The Nalayiram Divya Prabhandham, presented by the Twelve Azwars contain the same Sanskrit Vedic teachings of the ancient saints. There were many great Tamil yogis, who composed the Thamiz Vedas called as Nalayiram Divya Prabhandham. They are called as Azwars in Tamil which means one who immersed in glorifying God, due to their immense yoga (connection I with their chosen Perumal (God). These twelve Azwars were supposed to have come around four thousand years (according to some 6000 years) before Ramanujacharya himself. Therefore, they are called purvacharyas of Ramanujacharya coming in the Sri or Lakshmi Sampradaya. In simple term the aryans just stole our culture.
Much of whats core to todays hinduism actually was taken from the natiave dravidian people, i need not mention that shiva (siva in tamil ) derives his name from “sivappu”(red). he was a pre-aryan indus deity, the triple horned meditative indus figurines are ample evidence of this .

We Eelam Tamils believe in the Saiva Sidhantha largely for us the vedas are non existant. To us there is only one supreme god that is Sivan. Other gods may be worshipped but Sivan is the one and only supreme being and everthing comes through him. There is no one but him. This is basically our religion.

Some things do not change with culture, time, or location. This is one of them. Women do not have reason or accountability. Trying to hold them accountable by using reason is like trying to use a dog’s wings to teach is to fly…they don’t have wings, so will never fly. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to reason with women, it does about as much good as trying to please or placate to them…nothing. They don’t understand reason, they understand what they want and how they feel. They don’t understand accountability, they understand they didn’t get what they wanted and how to blame someone else for it (or how to blame something if they can’t find someone).
Can a Tamil woman go to Sri Lanka and marry a young virgin Tamil guy? No but we can! God made us better and we will make full use it . It’s ok to have fun with a girl but for settling the virgin girls make the best mothers and wifes.. I may put a noose around your neck but never a “Thaali Kodi”.
Here is a simple analogy for you overzealous Tamil feminists to ponder over. A man can walk down a street with his shirt off, bare chested. Can you women do that? Can you do that in front of your Dad? Mom? Brother? I can. You can’t. Deal with it. A woman can’t live without a men but we can.

RajuLankan
If that is his preference, then that is totally ok!
Everyone has preferences, if women demand men to be taller and earn more, then men should be able to pick the sort of person they want to fund and pay for, since men usually marry women who are going to stay at home while they work.

It’s understandable why men would want virgins, they are disciplined, and can control their sexual urges. No sti’s, including emotional sti’s. No bonding to their first sex partner, because there isn’t any.

Many people forget that there is a thing called retrospective jealousy, men feel this more than women in regards to their lovers, and how bad would it make men feel to think about all the sexual partners that woman went through?

Lots of men dont want used partners and the thought of their wife being previously deep d*cked and c*mmed in by other men would make their husbands feel retrospective jealousy (its normal).

So I can understand the preference for virgins, its a emotional relief for the male partner

The women will be at home pregnant, so men need to find a person they can trust when they are away from home. Or they could end up with a person who lacks morals and thinks adultery is ok, because premaritial sex is ok.

RajuLankan
Many Tamil females have sex with loads of guys than when it come to ‘marriage’ they lie about theri virginty to get married to a decent guy. How you can trust such person?Which is why all the guys in my familly chosed to get an arranged marriage in Sri Lanka with very young girls.In Sri Lanka there are some communities.Where during the finalisation of an ‘arranged marriage’ . A few experienced and aged ladies do the physical examination of bride!!!.
The reason is that those ladies also used to check if there is any other apparent desease/rashes or physical abnormalities problems (undeveloped/missing structures) besides mental condition check and ancestral background checks.
How do you define your identity? In my family’s case everyone was born in the Canada but everyone identify themself with our Tamil identity. No one has any regrets .My parents will start searching a girl as soon as i get a job,with a Sri Lankan Tamil bride from the country because almost allTamil Canadian girls are characterless and are not marriage material.
People who say that you wont get any girls with that attitude are just stupid. I am a Tamil guy from Eelam and I’m only attracted to decent cultural tamil girls not the westernised ones.I’ll tell you why more and more Tamil guys are going for non-Tamil girls). It’s because especially here in the west, Tamil girls are empty airheads who haven’t got a clue; they need their mum and dad even when they’re wiping their arse. They’ve been spoilt and think only about money.
They have such an overilflated opinion of themselves, that they start to belive that they can go for any guy they like, not realising that they’re the pisstake of the lot. Even the educated ones, they think they’re better even than the educated Oxford types, and they become ashamed of who they and their parents are and think that by marrying out, they can disguise themselves.
I for one stay away from these creatures because they’ve got alot to learn, and so far they’re thick as pig-****.
In my experience women don’t handle rejection well. At all. Especially Tamil women. Women are not used to being rejected. I don’t think any woman could handle the amount of rejection the average guy confronts on a daily basis. All the moreso the average Tamil guy!
That said, anytime I turn a girl down overtly there’s a part of me that fears she’ll go “Fatal Attraction” on me. Normally I fade out and hope that they “get the hint”.

If that fails, it’s time to recycle the old “no sparks / no chemistry / it’s not you it’s me / my life is too hectic for a relationship right now” …. and all the other BS lines.

Your answer is here that a philosophical or historical reason is behind females selling their bodies. Thus if a woman is try to have many sex partners is called a prostitute while a man is called player.
That’s just how it is. There isn’t anything you can do to change that. If you want to blow a room full of guys then go right ahead. Just be prepared to suffer the consequences.

Mamat37000Tamil
When it comes to marriage, I can’t imagine marrying a used woman.. It’s friggin disgusting – How the hell do I give her oraI sex when some other man fcked her?Would you drink out of a cup that some other man ejaculated in? How could you kiss her mouth knowing that some other man fcked all her holes/ Non-virgins are good for sex.. But my wife and the future mother of my children needs to be a virgin.. Virgins have fresher wombs.. Don’t want my children grown in a womb , and born from a vagina dirtied from other men’s semen.

Whether or not you are a virgin, it is your right not to marry “leftovers”.I cringe at the sight of Tamil females forsaking their virginity, risking pregnancy, aborting, etc. It’s a matter of trust. Trust is the fundamental basis of a successful long term marriage. Without trust, a marriage, a relationship cannot exist for long. No long term commitment can be based on mistrust. Thus, being a virgin girl at marriage preserves the trust from the very beginning of that committed relationship. All other alternatives raises the probabilities of mistrust, separation and divorce. If you’ve been married before, then re-building the trust between partners before and during marriage is the challenge. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce because mistrust cannot be reconciled. Many women who lost their virginity prior to marriage conceived children out of wedlock and became single moms for many years.

They become “one of the guys”. How do other guys do it? How do you have sex with a female who has had one or more guys in her? Or women who have had children by other men? IMPOSSIBLE for me…its not even a fkng question….

A lot of Tamil female seem to think that a guy wanting to marry a virgin is somehow soooooo different from a guy who wants a woman he finds attractive, or a woman who wants a guy who can provide for their family. Seriously get over yourselves…simply because we live in a hostile feminist climate where ANY expectations a man may have for his wife are considered oppressive and wrong, that doesn’t mean that a man is wrong for searching for specific characteristics for his future bride to have.

ArjunSivakumar The girl is an oreo brown on the outside but white on the inside. She said that she learned at school that Sanskrit was older than Tamil. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH troll spotted.Everyone knows that Sanskrit is derived from Tamil.

Suthasri You are right the term is not prostitute – it’s gigolo… Historically men have done the same. They continue to do that now too, when they pick up a sugar mommy for themselves.. so essentially they are prostituting themselves..

gandharvavivaham
“Only if they are virgins themselves to they have the right to expect such from women.”
No…men have a right to have expectations of the woman they marry…and women have the right to have expectations of the men they marry. If a woman wanted a man who was a virgin, I’m guessing you wouldn’t be hopping up to insist that that’s unfair to the man, would you? Seriously white knight…go away!
“Not sure why it would be a one way street. The man must also be a virgin if he has this standard at all.”
And conversely if a woman wants to marry a provider, she too should be one herself. If she wants a man capable of supporting the household, she should be able to support the household on her own if need be as well!

gandharvavivaham
One of the most irritating aspects of feminism is the learnt idiocy of pretending that male and female are the same, or that there are no significant differences, or that whatever applies to one must equally apply to the other.
Once we recognise that the basal proposition – that the sexes are equal – is factually untrue because women have babies and men don’t, the whole edifice of feminist theory collapses.
A non-virgin bride represents a risk of bringing another man’s child into the marriage, which the husband needs to support under obligation of his marriage vow; thus defrauding the man of the reproductive benefit of the marriage, for which he is giving all his income and capital for life.
The same does not apply to a non-virgin groom. He in no way frustrates the reproductive interest of his wife.
So there is no reason for society to consider them as the same, or equal, or reciprocal.
Because women carry the babies for a lengthly amount of time. It changes their bo