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Stray she-rifle

ALTHOUGH Charity Katanga talks and looks like Annie Kansiime, I think she is a much more serious kapokola than our Inspector General of Police.

In fact, even the other Charity who speaks on behalf of the police is much smarter than this Stellah Libongani woman, judging by her statement on the shooting in my newsroom.

That’s why I like Charity Munganga-Chanda’s statements because umwine, when she bends her neck and adds that Lupita Nyongo smile, she gives us hope that there are still a handful of professional police officers in the service.

But this Inspector General is too lazy to inspect anything, not even her mouth.

Stellah LIBONGANI: “The findings indicated that the damage on the rooftop of The Post newspaper newsroom was caused by a gunshot whose bullet caliber is 7.62mm commonly used in firearms such as AK-47 rifle, She-rifle or SKS rifle. From the investigations, we have therefore concluded that the bullet that went through the Post Newspaper office was a stray and non-lethal one because it had a standard shape and was not deformed.”

I won’t ask why you had to wait until my President ordered you to announce your investigation report, because that same she-mouth has told us before that it actually works under instructions from State House – So, no ge madam!

But let’s talk about your She-rifle. Are you sure that an AK-47, She rifle, can produce a non-lethal bullet?

Let me put it this way, are you saying even if a bullet penetrated your roof, sliced through your inner ceiling and pierced the centre of your cracked tiles, so long it has not been deformed, then it was non-lethal?

Okay, fine! Let’s try this, bwana Libongani. Why don’t you come here and stand on the same spot, so that we point Kaizer’s He-rifle at you, ask him to fire his stray bullet and see if when it penetrates the same way, you will call it non-lethal, since it will remain ‘undeformed’.

That’s why I feel unsafe whenever I see a buju with a gun on his back; these trigger-happy chaps don’t even know how lethal their gender sensitive rifles are.

Soldiers are better because they know that there is no way on earth a bullet from an AK-47, be it a she or he-rifle, can be non-lethal.

Major Richard KACHINGWE: “A bullet with that impact on the roof and on the ground where it hit cannot be stray or non-lethal. The only bullet which is non-lethal is a rubber bullet. But that weapon could have aimed at a target; you don’t just go round shooting anyhow and say it was a stray bullet. From where? From the Police Headquarters?”

That’s what I am talking about Major, ask them who fired the AK-47 rifle in the middle of this residential area. Although I don’t quite agree with you on the rubber bullet part, because I think a bullet is a bullet; whether steel, rubber, short, long, hard, soft, standard or deformed, it’s still lethal.

I think the only bullet our stray IG should consider non-lethal when it is in her She-rifle is a blank. Wink!