The Bieber DUI Video is Our Generation's Zapruder Film

Hmmm, nothing to see here. Or is there?! Look closely at that date, and notice the year. 2013? Either someone has a terrible sense of time, or this is the first of some MAJOR discrepancies.

Our first glimpse of the yellow lamborghini, which Bieber supposedly rented and drag raced through the streets of Miami. So why does it look like he's just taking a leisurely drive?

"Go Amanda, what are you doing??!!" screams the passenger. And we should ask ourselves the same question: What is Amanda doing?

The camera shifts to the side, as if trying to AVOID filming the car. And Amanda the driver? She continues at a leisurely pace, letting the so-called "Bieber Car" get away.

If you were a teenage girl following Bieber around at 4am, wouldn't you do ANYTHING to pull alongside his car? Why is Amanda behaving like this? Is it because SHE KNOWS THAT'S NOT BIEBER IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

The camera turns: We have a second car. But why would they film THAT when Bieber is ahead? Could it be because she was EXPECTING the car? Could this be the next stage in an ORCHESTRATED PLAN?!

"Oh my God, he's going to get in a car accident," says the camera operator. Why would she say that when he's clearly obeying the rules of the road? Does she have an agenda to push? Is she PERFORMING for the camera?

And why is Amanda SLOWING DOWN so the second car can pull ahead??? Where is her BIEBER FEVER??! It's time to admit the truth: Amanda and the camera operator are confederates, in league with the new car.

As the Bieber Lambo nearly goes out of sight behind the SUV, the girl in the backseat screams. Her friends are letting Bieber get away! Little does she know, that's exactly what her friends want.

Now they're completely blocked. The Bieber car is out of sight. At this point, anything could be happening ahead. Ask yourself this: Who else drives black SUVs with tinted windows like that?

Answer: The Secret Service. The same Secret Service that works for OBAMA. And the same secret service that protects his children.

Totally blocked out. The girl in the backseat is out of the loop; her friends are using her to give the story a sense of chaotic truth. She's the only one kept in ignorance. The real truth? Her friends are in league with the President.

Here, the camera ACTUALLY cuts out. What happened in the lost interval? What does Obama have to gain if Bieber is deported? Answer: He can guarantee that we'll never have a Canadian president. He'll undermine the entire nation through Bieber.

A flash of yellow. We're meant to believe that this is the same car from before. We're meant to believe THAT NOBODY CHANGED THEM OUT WHILE THE SECRET SERVICE SUV WAS BLOCKING THEIR VIEW. OBAMA KNOWS BIEBER WOULD WIN ANY ELECTION.

More yellow, but vague. Why wouldn't Obama want Bieber to be president? Because if he's president, then Sasha and Malia can't be. Which means no family dynasty.

Which means no puppet regime, and no King Obama. "Justin got pulled over!" yell the girls. They are friends of Sasha and Malia, helping the Secret Service ensure that Bieber is deported. And you bought it all, you suckers. You got duped.

If you’ve been reading the entertainment news today, you already know that Justin Bieber was ALLEGEDLY arrested for DUI in Miami early this morning. He was also ALLEGEDLY drag racing, which, if true, would be a heinous combination of dangerous activity for which he should be duly punished and possibly deported back to Canada.

There’s just one problem: He didn’t do it.

Remember the Zapruder film, which cast doubt on the idea that JFK was killed by a lone gunman? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Samanthur Film. (Samanthurx74 was the name of the instagram account which originally published the video.)

The Samanthur Film was taken by a group of girls inside a car as they trailed Justin Bieber, apparently in Miami, apparently early in the morning. But the content of the video proves the exact opposite: It proves Bieber’s innocence. It’s no coincidence that the instagram was taken down, but luckily it was captured and uploaded to YouTube. You can watch the 12-second video, repeating on loop, below:

The question is, who would want to frame Bieber, and why? I’ll examine the evidence, exonerate him, and tell you exactly who is responsible for this sloppy frame-up, in the gallery below. Click on the first image for a frame-by-frame breakdown of the Samanthur Film, and ask yourself: Who has the most to gain?