“Kneel minions” Prince William tells Australia

In a surprise change of tack today on the Royal visit to Australia Prince William has called an end to engaging with people on an informal level and promised a return to general haughtiness and looking down his nose at the public in general. Speaking to a hastily assembled press conference through a megaphone from a newly assembled 25 foot throne the Royal explained:

“Some of you may have designs on being a republic. But until then you are legally obliged to worship me as second in line to the throne, Emperor of Australia or simply King of the Monkey people.”

One antipodean Royal fan told us “It’s marvellous that he’s here. We’ve been running amok for years without any sort of aristocracy to keep us in check and reiterate our lowly place in a feudal class system. At last we have someone to doff our caps to.”

Prince George is also enjoying his new title of Viscount of Tasmania. A Royal source told us “He is only 8 months old but he needs to be accustomed to unchallenged authority and fawning subjects. Tasmania is now his play thing.”

Super wealthy business woman and former catwalk model Gina Rhinehart said she welcomed the return of a British aristocratic system to Australia. “I’m very pro Royal and and whatever it costs, I’m going to be one. It’s my intention to be known as Princess Gina.”

In other news much of Britain is said to be slipping into anarchy without the grounding of the Royal couple. One member of the public complained “We’ve got no-one to wave flags at and we don’t know what to do.”