My Friends

College Football Picks Week 14

I hope that you all had a great Thanksgiving and successfully recovered from your Aunt Edna’s “homemade” cranberry sauce that tasted like a combination of power steering fluid and hair jelly.

But enough about that…

It’s the final week of College Football and that means only one thing…

It’s time to decide the Conference Championships

Buckle those chin straps tight…

Enjoy your Picks….

POST GAME COMMENTARY

Last Week Your Favorite College Football Prognosticator was a pitiful (And I do mean pitiful) 40 and 16 or 71%. That leaves the CFB Wizard at 698 and 190 or 79% for the 2012 College Football Season.

There are worse things I guess….

I could be eating your Aunt Edna’s Thanksgiving “leftovers”

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS

TENNESSEE: To often a Coach that fills in for a departing Coach may not deliver the results that the fan base is accustom too. But not only did Coach Chaney led the Volunteers to a badly needed victory over the Kentucky Wildcats this past Saturday, but he showed us all something far more important.

Many of you may not be aware of the sitcom in the late 80’s and early 90’s called “Life Goes On”
The lead character in that series “Corky” (pictured below) seemed to have disappeared after the show went off the air in 1993.

But in the immortal words of Paul Harvey…..

Now for the rest of the story

It seems that “Corky” with the aid of some prescription glasses and hair plugs reemerged as the winning Coach of the Tennessee – Kentucky game as Coach “Chaney”

What is the lesson to be learned here?

You can be anything you want to be with a little corrective surgery

COLORADO: It was announced this past week that the Colorado Buffalos were searching for a “new” head football coach and I thought….
“Well, duh”

GEORGIA: I bet all those people that wanted to fire Coach Richt at the beginning of last season must feel pretty stupid about now.

Well, do you?

THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE: Conference Commissioner “Big Jim” Delany held a news conference this past week to announce that the “Big Ten” conference would be adding the following universities to their conference in 2013:

Rutgers – University of Maryland – University of Maine – University of Southern Maine – University of New Hampshire – Plymouth State University – University of Vermont – Vermont Technical College – and the New England Culinary Institute.

Commissioner Delaney went on to say….

“Although we will keep the traditional title of the Big Ten Conference we will henceforth be known as the BIG 88 Conference and we will not stop our conference expansion until we have joined every junior and or technical college in the northeast.”

ARKANSAS: My beloved Razorback faithful take heart…..

In the Holy name of Lance Alworth, I promise you that Arkansas will be back

So Keep the Faith

But as a side note….

I think before Bobby Petrino goes to Auburn the Arkansas faithful should be allowed to cover his personal business with peanut butter and pitch his dumbass in the cage with the Hogzilla mascot.

Just saying…

EDITORS NOTE: You do know that Bobby Petrino is going to Auburn right?

AUBURN: Former Tiger Coach Gene Chizik is set to release the follow on book to his widely popular book following the Tigers 2010 National Championship entitled “All In: Auburn’s 2010 Championship Season”

His newest book is called “All Out: Bobby Louder is a King Size D-Bag” and is expected to be on the shelves before Christmas

SOUTH CAROLINA: The quote of the week comes from a member of the CFB Wizard staff…
“The South Carolina Gamecocks have an Alabama mouth with a Vanderbilt trophy case”

EDITORS NOTE: Enough said….

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA: For the past two years every National Sports Media outlet in the country was touting the “mighty” Trojans of Southern California as the “2012 National Champions” with the “next” Heisman Trophy winner.

Ok, I’m sorry I can’t stop giggling…….

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Sorry that was “Lame” of me….

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

OHIO STATE: Yippee, you finished the season “undefeated” now go home and be quite tattoo boy because you aren’t going to a bowl game this year. Thank you

ARKANAS MONTICELLO: What the hell Boll Weevils…………….

I picked you to win almost every single week and you finish the season at 1 and 9?

I don’t have to words to describe my utter disappointment

MIAMI: The “U” took another U turn this season and turned themselves around 360 degrees

FLORIDA: I never should have doubted the Mighty Gators last week…..

They may be the best team in the Southeastern Conference and that’s saying something

TENNESSEE PART II: With all the hype surrounding the Kentucky hire of Coach Stoops from Florida State and the buzz that has been created at Arkansas and other prominent universities. It has been reported that the University of Tennessee has given up attempting to lure a “big name” coach to Knoxville and instead has decided to make an offer to the fat kid from the once popular television sitcom “What’s Happening” to Coach the Volunteers next year.

I can’t remember his name, sorry

OREGON STATE: Damn it Beavers…..Damn it.

TEXAS: (Please see above and substitute “Beavers” with “Longhorns”)

THE GAMES

Thursday November 29th

Louisville at Rutgers
Maybe the last Big East Championship game (ever)
I still think Charlie is Stronger
STRONG CARDINALS 33-28

Friday November 30th

Northern Illinois at Kent State
This is the championship game for the Mac Wac Paddy Wac give a dog a Bone Conference
(I’m sorry the acronym is too long for this column so I just had to write it)
GOLDEN FLASHES 31-28

UCLA at Stanford
This is the “redo” game from last week for the Pacific Something or another Conference title
I would watch this, but the History of Corn Nuts is going to be on the Food Network, sorry.
DA BRUIN BEARS 28-24

Saturday December 1st

Carson Newman at Valdosta State
Round 2 of the Division III Championships….
The Eagles are underdogs….
But I can’t go against Coach Sparks
He’s a legend
SPARKS EAGLES 41-38

Central Arkansas at Georgia Southern
Statesboro is a hard place to leave with a win….
The Bears will find that to be true on Saturday
SOUTHERN EAGLES 34-17

Oklahoma at Texas Christian
The Bedlam game drained too much out of the Mighty Sooners….
I am going Upset on this one…
HORNED FROGS 34-31

Oklahoma State at Baylor
Cowboys; please see the game above and substitute “sooners” for “cowboys”
DA BEARS 34-31

Central Florida at Tulsa
The Conference USA Title game…..
Golden Knights against the Golden Hurricanes
It’s a shame the Conference Championship Trophy comes is silver
It just doesn’t seem right
GOLDEN KNIGHTS 41-38

Nicholls State at Oregon State
I am still so upset over the Civil War game last week that I can’t comment…..
BEAVERS 44-10

Kansas at West Virginia
The smell of half burned smoldering couches in the morning…..
Smells like victory in Morgantown…
(That or I detonated another thermonuclear device at the county dump again)
LIGHT THOSE COUCHES!
MOUNTAINEERS 54-14

Middle Tennessee State at Arkansas State
The Red Wolves of Arkansas are undefeated at home this year….
I should say “they were” undefeated at home
BLUE RAIDERS 41-34

Louisiana Lafayette at Florida Atlantic
I would be far more interested in this game if “Corky” were coaching…
I’m just saying…
RAJUN CAJUNS 44-24

Boise State at Nevada
This game is going to feature two prolific offenses….
But unfortunately it comes on at the same time as “How to Shave a Goat” on the Discovery Channel
BRONCOS 38-31

Cincinnati at Connecticut
Are you kidding me?
The Southeastern Conference Championship is getting ready to come on….
I don’t have time to watch this pee-wee football game…
BEARKATS 24-17

Alabama and Georgia
The Southeastern Conference Championship
Atlanta Georgia
Although I believe the Bulldogs are too strong for the Tide this year…
I am incapable of picking against my beloved University of Alabama
CRIMSON TIDE 28-24

Pittsburg at South Florida
By the time this game comes on I will either be celebrating or crying….
Either way…
I don’t care
PANTHERS 24-21

Texas at Kansas State
I cannot believe that the “mighty” Longhorns forgot how to spell defense
You boys are breaking my damn heart
WILDCATS 34-24

Florida State and Georgia Tech
The Atlantic Coast Conference Championship Game
O’ Yeah this one will be close….
Not…
JIMBO’S NOLES 141-10

Nebraska and Wisconsin
The Big Ten, Twelve or Sixteen Conference Championship Game
I think the once mighty Cheese has whizzed itself
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 24-17

South Alabama at Hawaii
Yes, you heard correctly….
Dog the Bounty Hunter will play the Jaguars of South Alabama by himself….
Fear the Mullet
WARRIORS BOUNTY HUNTING ON RAINBOWS 44-10