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Stu:
I have never done anything for anybody who couldn't do something for me. I string along an eager kid with promises I'll pay him money. I only keep him around because he looks up to me. Adam, if you're watching, don't be a publicist. You're too good for it. I lie in person and on the phone. I lie to my friends. I lie to newspapers and magazines who, who sell my lies to more and more people. I am just a part of a big cycle of lies, I should be fuckin' president. I wear all this Italian shit because underneath I still feel like the Bronx. I think I need these clothes and this watch. My two thousand dollar watch is a fake and so am I. I've neglected the things I should have valued most. I valued this shit. I take off my wedding ring to call Pam. Kelly, that's Pam. Don't blame her. I never told her I was married. And if I did she, she would have told me to go home. Kelly, looking at you now, I'm ashamed of myself. All right? I mean, I work so hard on this image, on Stu Shepherd, the asshole who refers to himself in the third person, that I only proved I should be alone. I have just been dressing up as something I'm not for so long, I'm so afraid no one will like what's underneath. But here I am, just flesh and blood and weakness, and uh and I love you so fucking much. And, um, I take off this ring because it only reminds me of how I've failed you, and I don't, don't want to give you up. I want to make things better, but it may not be my choice anymore. You deserve better.

The Caller:
Nice shoes. Italian. You hung up, Stu. I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye. I feel bad about the pizza guy. But I couldn't miss seeing you and Kelly reunited. You don't have to thank me, nobody ever does. I just hope your newfound honesty lasts. Because if it doesn't, you'll be hearing from me.

The Caller:
Now doesn't that just torque your jaws? I love that. You know like in the movies just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. It's cool, isn't it?

The Caller:
But beautiful women always know. That false indifference, superior air. It's just a tease. They want eyes on them. Why does she put on her make up? Do her hair? Dress so nicely? Not for her husband which she hardly ever sees, no, it's for somebody else to notice... I notice.

Stu:
Look, you're a guy. Sometimes you wanna know it's a possibility, all right? You know it's like having a beautiful home, but you still dream of that quick vacation down there, you know, some nice hotel, a great view, I don't know, maybe a pool. But it's a just a fantasy because you'll never really leave home! Do you hear what I'm saying?

The Caller:
[laughs]
Kelly is a home and Pam is a motel. I'm sure they'll both appreciate that.

The Caller:
Yes, one of your pathetic failed ones. You don't have to come find me and ruin me, I can't get work as it is. I've done some off-Broadway, some off-Manhattan, but that dried up. Now I wait tables, clean toilets, anything I can to make the rent. I'm a walking cliché.

Stu:
This countr - this country owes you an apology. Look, I just had this vision of you coming back from the war, you know. Inured to the killing, not able to get work, isolated. I think that could be made into a pretty affecting story and one that, you know, everyone understands. And I think cops...

The Caller:
[cocks gun]
Now doesn't that just torque your jaws? I love that. You know like in the movies just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. It's cool, isn't it?