WEAK AT THE TOP: John Weak's Diary

WEAK AT THE TOP: John Weak's Diary

Article excerpt

MONDAY

Two big projects on this week. The first is I've been told to work on my gender sensitivity, which I will, preferably with some tidy little secretary. The second project is starting my new job at Torso plc. I applied for the job after Sir Marcus gave me a thermo-nuclear bollocking for accidentally deleting Smokescreen on our company intranet. I haven't actually given up my Smokehouse job yet but Human Remains say they're all in favour of job-sharing, so it must be all right. After work went to the gym with Howard. We decided to toss for who would do some exercise. I lost, but claimed that the toss itself was enough exercise to warrant a drink at the bar.

TUESDAY

Spent the morning at Torso putting together a marketing plan. Decided what the product was, who wanted it and how we should talk to them. That's my first four months' work, then four months for consultants to do it and four months to research the results. Which gives me the rest of the year off. Then drove across to have long lunch with Bill Peters. Bill thought my job-sharing was a great wheeze until I mentioned Torso, then went off the idea. But I'm pleased with my multi- tasking ability. Women say they can do six things at once but in fact they only ever do one thing; the other five are talking about it, changing their minds about it, getting emotional about it, blaming men for it and getting a new outfit for it.

WEDNESDAY

Decided to work at Smokehouse this morning. Started with a bit of gender sensitivity. Personally, I can't wait for women to get above the glass ceiling because then we can see a bit more of their legs. After that, rang around a few companies to see whether they wanted any non-executive directors. Bill and I have a competition to see who can collect the most non-exec directorships. What you do is turn up in a dark suit, be rude about anything they've tried to do, scan the accounts (which could be upside-down as far as I'm concerned) and then draw your 20 grand salary. …