Just for your knowledge

What differentiates an authority in a subject from a novice is not the acquisition of knowledge but proper application of adequate, relevant and up-to-date applied knowledge. Being in love alone with your partner does not automatically make you a good spouse, but when you put all acquired knowledge in its place at the appropriate time, then you have the best of a marital relationship. Today, I just want to give the couples out there some information that will help each partner treat their spouse better when it comes to bedroom activities. An investigation by the Centre of Atlanta National Opinion Research, USA, shows the average married couples have sex 66 times a year. In the report, it says couples under the age of 30 have sex 109 times a year. For those above 40 years, the average is 70 times a year. For those between 60 and 70 years, it is 52 times a year.

Experts say human sex drives differ according to gender, temperamental makeups, environmental surroundings and societal beliefs and that a woman’s sexual inclinations are more complicated than that of a man. While men may be rigidly straightforward and specific about what arouses them, most women have a less-directed sex drive.

Also, studies have shown that although women are more likely to be influenced by irrelevant factors than the men, their sexual desires are extremely sensitive to the environment and context.

While it has been proved that a woman’s sex drive, to a large extent, depends on the level of intimacy she is able to establish with the opposite sex and her state of upbringing, a man has a naturally high libido. That does not mean that men don’t seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do. The truth is that most men crave more foreplay and they just view sex differently. Sex is more like a food to a man; it goes this way: I am hungry, someone prepared my food and I eat [it does not really matter in most times who provides the food, the fact that I was fed matters]. But sex is more like a meal to a woman-; she is hungry, she needs food but she is more particular about the feed, the feeding and the process and the constituent of the meal. That is why a “woman wants to talk first, connect first, and then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side. It is their language of intimacy,” an expert once said.

Studies after studies illustrate that a man’s libido is stronger and more straightforward than a woman’s sex drive. The sources of women’s libido, experts insist, are much more difficult to pin down. It’s common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire.

Men want sex more often than women at the beginning of a relationship, in the middle of it, and much later. About two-thirds of men admit that they masturbate, even though they feel guilty about it. In the same breath, they confess that they are forced to masturbate because they are constantly being refused sex by their wives. More than 80 per cent of married men confess to having cheated on their wives and they blame it on their wives’ insensitivity to their sexual needs and lack of creativity in bed. Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. Some women have been heard to confess that sexual desire originates much more between their ears and between their legs. For most married women, there is a need for a plan, hence the romance, affection, and the foreplay. It’s more about anticipating how to get there. The longing is the fuel for desire. Just as one analyst put it, a woman’s sexual desire is more contextual, more subjective and more layered on a lattice of emotion. In contrast, her male companion doesn’t need to have nearly as much imagination, since his attitude to sex is simpler and straightforward. Most married women are more influenced by the attitude of their peer group in their decision about sex. Wives who are not religious are likely to have liberal attitude about sex: they let go and release themselves to the pleasures that sex has to offer than the religious ones. Well-educated women are most likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices, even as there is a possible inconsistency in their expressed values about sexual activities. Most married women under the age of 60 think about sex less than once a day. While the majority of married men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only one-quarter of married women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasises less. Men are subject to spontaneous sexual arousal, as well as frequent and varied fantasies. The notion that older married women are likely to experience orgasm during sex within the context of faithful and loving relationship is false. The truth is that married women who have clocked 50 and above are more likely to report orgasm when a sexual event takes place at a totally strange environment. Researchers speculate that the coming together of a long separated spouse may find the novelty of a new experience arousing. Most second round sex is safe and healthy, sex therapists say. In addition, it can improve sexual functions and relationships by teaching both spouses about their own sexual responses. The result is that they are better able to explain to partners what feels good for them. However, spouses who become too obsessed with third round sex may develop sexual problems or lose interest in sex with their partners. Women experience orgasms differently from men. While researchers find it tricky to quantify issues like the differing quality of male versus female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there. On the average, a man’s involvement in actual sexual intercourse lasts four minutes, from the point of entry until ejaculation (ideal time should be at least 10 minutes). Anytime lower than four minutes is considered to be premature ejaculation. Usually, it takes a woman between 15 and 18 minutes to reach orgasm. This illustrates the differences in how long it takes both sexes to achieve sexual orgasm. Just as 75 per cent of married men report they always reach climax with their wives, 29 per cent of married women admit that they have orgasm with their husbands. Most married women cannot have an orgasm without direct stimulation of their female organ. For women who have trouble achieving orgasm, incorporating stimulation into sexual activity may be all that is necessary. Also, it is not true that the G-spot of a woman anatomy is found in the anterior vaginal wall. On the contrary, the G-spot is a region found behind the pubic bone that has been credited as the trigger for vaginal orgasm, as well as a catalyst for female ejaculation. However, some experts note that there is no unique anatomical structure where the G-spot is supposed to be located. If the G-spot exists, it is best described as an erogenous zone rather than a part of a woman’s anatomy. The study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the duration before an average married man ejaculates during sexual intercourse from the beginning of vaginal penetration until ejaculation was 7.4 minutes, while the appropriate time should be 12 to 15 minutes. The average length of the male organ is between eight to ten inches when erect, and around 4.6 inches when flaccid. It varies in sizes considerably because of various environmental factors and their effects on the sympathetic nervous system. Cold water and cold air are perhaps the best known causes of this ‘’shrinkage’’ phenomenon, but psychological stress can do the same thing. It is advisable to stay off stress. Only 10 per cent of married men reported a preference for oral sex to achieve orgasm, while six per cent of married women report a similar preference. Men are likely to reach orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, but women are more likely to reach orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts that include intercourse or foreplay.

Masturbation can cause injury to the male sex organ. Frequently, or overly vigorously, masturbation can irritate the skin of the penis and men who masturbate face down can injure their urethra. This is a major cause of erectile dysfunction.

That sexual activity can reduce the risk of stroke and heart attack in older couples is false. While couples with a history of stroke or heart disease should consult their sex therapists about sexual activity, sex remains a healthy form of exercise for older people. Researchers who tracked 914 married women for 20 years found that having sex more than two times a week reduced the risk of fatal heart attack by half, compared with those who had sex less than once a month. They also found that frequent sex was not associated with stroke.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

I am losing him gradually

My husband is one of the most beautiful personalities I have ever come across. He is quite considerate and gentle, but I am the problem here. When he is away, I long for his touches and even get wet over just thinking of him. But when he is in the house, I immediately get irritated by his touches, I do not want him sexually because I just do not enjoy sex with him at all. He pisses me off so much that I shout him off. After some time, I noticed he left me to myself and recently I found out he is having an affair and I cannot even complain because I know I am not satisfying him sexually. Please help me, how can I improve my sex life and win my husband back?

Mrs. Apalanfu Cordelia

You were not only careless about your relationship, you were also childish about your approach to sex with him. One of the five cardinal onuses of marriage is good satisfying sex from either of the partner to each other. And a good wife must not only be up to the task, she must also work at it as if she is going to be tested in an examination hall. Marital sex should not be taken for granted at any time of the relationship at all. So, start all over by first and foremost, worming your way back into his heart and bed and do all the things he had previously asked you to do before now about sex, fulfil his cravings, fantasies, yearning and let him know his touch is not only electrifying but you will give up everything to have him touch you again. Let your husband know that you are not frigid; if not, you will not be experiencing wetness at the mere thought of him whenever he is not around. Then take time to address your mindset that you will not only satisfy your husband sexually; that you will become like a ‘’call girl’’ to him, because whatever the mind can conceive, the body can achieve. Then synergise your thoughts with your positive actions. When you concentrate on these things, your inner power will flow beyond your imagination. So run now, go get your husband back.

My scrotum is alarmingly dropping day in day out

Help me and save me ma. My scrotum is not only dropping by the day, but it is so sagging now that it is longer than my penis. I am a young man in my forties and I discovered this sagging of my scrotum two years ago. It is not only getting so obvious now but that it is even longer than my penis. Please I am worried, my wife is not happy about this at all. What can I do?

Actor John Oladipo

Many things can be the reason for this; first if you had had issue with sexually transmitted infection or disease that was not well treated, this may have led to descending infection affecting the epididymis, the inner scrotal wall or the general composition of the testes, causing the alkali PH of the scrotum to be much lower than the acidic level of the scrotum. Secondly, when you stay in a very hot environment or you are addicted to always putting your laptop on your lap while working on your system, the radioactive agent might radiate to the direction of your scrotum which is not very healthy for the scrotum. Or it may be that you wear extremely tight nylon underwear morning, night and evening. This does not give adequate aeration to the scrotum, giving room for trapping in of too much heat which will definitely work against the normal environmental condition of the scrotum. Besides, it may also be as a result of some hormonal malfunctions which will need a fast medical attention. So I would suggest you see an O and G obstetric and gynaecologist or a neurologist. You definitely need medical interventions.

I love sex especially during pregnancy, I crave for it, am I ok?

Madam, please kindly help me out here, I am a married woman that enjoys good sex but the problem with me is that I love sex more during my pregnancy periods. I crave for it and now it has become an obsession. I am presently pregnant and unfortunately, my husband is not around, he went on assignment and because I needed sex desperately, I had to hunt for sex by all means. I have had it with up to six men with this present pregnancy. I am so ashamed of myself because this is not the first time it is happening, I have been involved in sex with many men as soon as I am pregnant even when my husband tries to talk me out of it, thinking it is not healthy for me. [I am not sure he knows I seek other men for it each time he denies me). Please what can I do?

The pregnant wife

This is not normal as much as sex is okay during pregnancy if there are no medical cautions. Having sex indiscriminately with any jack and jerry will not only pollute your sex bed, it has a negative effect on the unborn child. I would suggest you see a clergyman or your spiritual leader; you urgently need prayers of deliverance.

Does diabetes prevent one from impregnating his wife?

Dear Funmi, I have been diagnosed with diabetes and while I was going through examination, I discovered that the diabetes actually started the month my wife and I got married. And since then, it has been difficult for her to get pregnant. She said it was because I was diagnosed with diabetes and that explained why we have been finding it difficult to have children. Because I am not only diabetic, I am on my diabetic drugs although I later discovered that I do not have erection nor desire for sex, especially after taking some of my medication. Please enlighten me.

Mr. Regarliman Sunday

First, it is not diabetes that is preventing the arrival of a baby. Secondly, erection is not the same thing as libido nor ejaculation nor conception nor sperm count. Diabetes is an organic disease that prevents good erection, good staying on power, good penis condition, but it does not affect the quality, quantity and liveliness of the sperm cell meant for baby making. While the drugs of anti-diabetes also do untold danger to sexual system altogether, it’s not acting directly on the testes. However, these organs intermingle with others to create harmony. So I would rather you get some natural sperm count booster, get some herbal to do a total curative overhauling of the body.

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