7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections, my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it--English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant norham in hamburger; and neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England nor French-Fries in France.Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes we find thatquicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don'tgroce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? Onegoose, 2 geese. So... one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that youcan comb through the annals of history but not a single annal?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If avegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think that all the English speakers should be committed to anasylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play andplay ata recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Let us drive on a parkway and park ona driveway?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and awise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house burns up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when stars are out, they are visible, but when lights are out, they are invisible.

Pass this message on to everyone you know so that the gift of English canbe shared.

These are all GENUINE replies from patients asked why they needed an ambulance to and from hospital...

=> I am under the doctor and cannot breathe.=> I can't walk to the bus stop and my wife is bent.=> I can't breathe and haven't done so for many years.=> I want transport as bus drivers do funny things to me and make me feel queer.=> I am blind in one eye and my leg.=> I live five miles from the hospital and the postman says I should have it.=> I have got arthritis and heart failure in both feet and knees.=> I must have a man as I cannot go out or do up my suspenders.=> I cannot walk up a hill unless it is down and the hill to the hospital is up.=> My husband is dead and will not bring me.=> I cannot drive a car as I have not got one.=> I hope you will send a man as my husband is quite useless.=> I can come at any time to suit you, but not mornings as I don't feel too good. I can't come on Mondays or Wednesdays as the home help comes, and not on Fridays as the baker calls for his money. I can't come on Tuesdays as my sister calls.