About Julie Anne

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In February of 2012, I began a blog sharing personal stories of my experience at an abusive church my family had left. I did this after discovering that the negative reviews I had posted about this church on Google Reviews had been removed.

Within weeks after starting the blog, my former pastor and church (Chuck O’Neal and Beaverton Grace Bible Church) sued me and four other former members, including my adult daughter, for defamation. Their lawsuit asked for $500,000 in damages.

Since winning the lawsuit in July 26, 2012, I have continued to blog about spiritual abuse, how to recover from it, and note disturbing practices in churches/organizations, some of which can lead people to question their faith or even abandon their faith. Although now closed for commenting, the original blog can still be found here.

If you are interested in reading the details of the lawsuit and commentary, Brad Sargent compiled the whole story, related news articles, interviews, analysis of the case in the BGBC Archive. It was a very large undertaking (over 300 hours of work) and I’m so appreciative of Brad’s work in this as he and I believe my story is representative of so many others. We hope others can learn from our experience. Brad, too, is a spiritual abuse survivor and has been studying spiritual abuse systems for a few decades. He has a wealth of knowledge and I owe him the deepest gratitude.

Another part of my story is connected with the Homeschool Movement – the subculture within the fundamental Christian homeschool group which includes practices such as: full-quiver, courtship, Patriarchy, stay-at-home daughters, modesty/purity teachings (the church/pastor who sued me also was connected with the Homeschool Movement).

As a long-time homeschooling mother (23+ yrs), I have seen how some of these practices, especially the ones that devalue/depersonalize women and girls, have caused great harm, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. We have a big problem with abuse in our Christian groups!

If you have suffered spiritual abuse, my heart really goes out to you. The recovery process is deeply personal and heart wrenching. After the media got hold of my story, I was inundated with e-mails and it took me several months to respond to all of them. I discovered that many self-proclaimed atheists were also victims of spiritual abuse. This breaks my heart, but also shows how damaging it really is. If you would like help along the way, feel free to hang out on the blog. There are some amazing people here who understand and will encourage you. Feel free to jump in at any time on any blog post, regardless of the topic. This place is for you!

The root system of Sovereign Grace Ministries is the shepherding movement. The root of Calvinism is Theocracy. Combine the two, you have a demonic alloy of two metals that are even stronger when these principalities are combined. My term for this spiritual extortion bondage and abuse of spiritual authority vs. liberty in Christ, is “Control Freak Christianity, or “Christian Communist Manifesto”, where just like the original Communist Manifesto, the individual is disposable it is the State that matters. This false balance is an abomination to the Lord and a Pharisee’s Dream that the Apostle Paul rightly eternally damned.

In dealing with church abuse for years, you HAVE TO SUE, because that’s the only item they understand is WHEN YOU HIT THEM IN THE POCKET BOOK.

Example: Group of boys were molested by pastor, instead of paying for counseling for the boys and helping the parents the foursquare movement ran them out (but they took the parents money for years). Worse, they sent the perpetrator to a foreign country to do the same (David). MANY FALSE CHURCHES ARE LIKE THIS. Know many a stupid christian parent, I can’t sue the church? Why not? It’s because they have you brainwashed and controlled and been laying nothing but guilt, condemnation, criticism on you for years and keeping you suppressed and in bondage under legalism and false doctrine. Took this public at the time (2000) it was told to me and note Hayford still in position and home office tells the pastor that confronted, “it was none of his business” (he wants NOTHING to do with the foursquare movement). So, is your tithe money, gifts, alms and offerings going to molest, rape, sodomize and murder children?…I can answer that.

NAME NAMES. Have your facts right, not emotionalism. There has to be accountability and correction, judging righteous judgment, rebuke, reproof.

One christian counselor asked me why the families didn’t sue the church=guilt, intimidation, false thinking and why they didn’t turn it in to the police department and file report? Also call major newspapers like Los Angeles Times, NY Times (go to reference department of your library and get all their emails and addresses of ALL media=I did). Told church leadership in 2004 if I heard anything and followed up regarding abuse and it was true it was going public because for years people have corrected the church and NOTHING DONE, SWEPT UNDER CARPET. Look at the book: “10 Lies The Church Tells Women” by J. Lee Grady and that evil movement is still in existance (christians chose to be brainwashed idiots that cannot, will not and chose NOT to think for themselves, been there, done that and NO MORE)!

Note: Hayford was head of the movement/president or had some position and promoting Life Bible College and it was told to him like the majority of church leadership and Charisma at the time. Wanted a lot of head minions to resign and out (someone said one of the evil men in home office died in car accident =beheaded and the other got up to preach and dropped dead of a heart attack and some other items like to other men), Consider God took care of it.

Very sad, but have taken this public for years and exposed and confronted, christians/pastors think they have a right to pray for people to die=ABSOLUTELY NOT, exposed that it makes them warlocks and witches.

Example: Correcting molestation case in church and exposing some evil items in movement and told the false pastor not to pray for me to die or he would reap it or his family would (his son died shortly after beheaded in car accident=famous family). YOU CANNOT PRAY FOR PEOPLE TO DIE!

sylphesylphe: irony, there is so much gossip in the church (instead of gossiping and sweeping under the carpet; take the dogma like Alex Grenier and Julie Anne public). That’s why make sure you dot your i’s, cross your t’s that you have the truth=facts and the names so they can’t sue you for libel, slander and deformation of character. Evil step=father to do what he did and hides behind religion.

Remember this: especially people in the church. People who gossip, have no life, live their life through others and are very unhappy people majority of those in the church because they’re brainwashed and don’t take responsibility for their lives and or research a matter.

Don’t think when we sin it can’t ALL GO PUBLIC. “SIN MAKES YOU STUPID”, there’s things in my life UNHEALED AND abusive matters didn’t take care of. When I left the false church, I got whole, healthy, healed and got myself into RIGHT/TRUE counseling. I can give you many a friend and Dr. Phil/Dr. Laura says the same, about the counseling out there can be very to the tune of very wrong and sick, adds to the problem especially the false church with it’s guilt/condemnation/criticism. Look at your church, is it healthy? Is your church building strong, healthy sheep/families?

Hi Julie,I just learn about on the Drew Marshall Show and found you story about todays church has a lot of truth to it.I have my own story on my site http://www.eddiemcdowall.com where Christ has been real to me.All the best to you and your family.

I am sorry you went through what you did but glad it did not destroy your faith. We have our own story, of course, not so grim as yours, but it certainly did a lot of damage to several of our children. And I was an elder in the church at the time. It is necessary to remember that we are called to forgive, and remembering the past just stirs up bitterness or anger for me, so I try not to let myself dwell on anything but look to the future. May you be a comfort to others and may God’s peace be with you.

Dear Julie Ann,
I am grateful to have found your sounding board, as I have been imprisoned by secrecy, and am finally finding my voice. I am divorcing a pedophile, after having been married 27 years. My husband, an actor, a celebrity, who used playing The Reverend Eric Camden on 7th Heaven for 11 years to engender trust in the parents of the children he used for his sexual gratification. 20 months ago, my husband confessed, ran away from our home, abandoned our daughter, and has not, to my knowledge, been treated for his sexual orientation to children. There have been complaints filed against him with both the NYPD, and LAPD, but none are under the age of 26. my husband is very clever, and has managed his victims (and their families) by using legal threats. He created a persona as a man of God to gain access to children.
Our daughter has been moved to an undisclosed location. I am trying to get divorced as quickly as possible, and extricate myself from him. He has hired very expensive attorneys who are making my life hell. Thanks for letting me share.

There are ladies who have walked in your shoes and will likely respond to any comments you leave there. You don’t need to go through this alone. My heart goes out to you. Thanks so much for leaving a comment and sharing your story. ~Julie Anne

Dear Faye,
You have found a safe place to land and I strongly encourage you to ask Julie Anne to send you information about the private forum that SSB has created. It is a more secure area in which to share the similarities of our journeys.

I am so sorry for the nightmare you are currently living in. I too was imprisoned by secrecy and the trauma of living with a pedophile. And it is a trauma and a betrayal of the deepest sort. I am glad that you are extricating yourself and understand the lengths to which some of these men go when divorcing. My divorce was a nightmare as well.

I am also very glad that you relocated your daughter. You are so much stronger than you think you are and you are not alone. You can read more of my story on my blog: http://brendafindingelysium.blogspot.com/

And you can email me directly if you want; my email address is on my blog.

Dear Faye,
I too was faced with a wealthy pedophile-ex-husband with millions of dollars of family money. I want to assure you that even though you are frightened, if you keep fighting, eventually things will go your way.

Keep telling your story to the judge, the attorneys, to the press, to anyone who will listen. This is the fight of your life, but I promise if you keep telling the truth, you will win. He can try to intimidate people and accuse you all of libel and slander, but truth is the best defense.

I was terrified every time I went to court. I was shaking all the way into the parking lot and up the elevator. I was sure that my ex- would be able to fool the judge. But judges aren’t stupid, and they see sociopaths every day.

You need to take the lead in confidence and courage. The Judge will not rule against your ex if you roll over and give up. Even if you are frightened, put on a confident face (it’s called acting!!) and show up in court looking professional and non-emotional.

==> No judge wants to be the judge who let a pedophile back into society. <==

Julie Anne,
Found your blog today and love it. The post on whether or not Joni preached was exceptional! I actually watched the video of her last weekend and never thought about her being a woman and preaching. I know one thing: of all the videos I’ve watched of the conference hers is the best! It didn’t even dawn on me that I was watching a conference led by men who oppose women preaching. I guess I’ve become immune to blatant inconsistency (hypocristy?). Your blog is needed today more than ever. The church is fast becoming a meeting of the non-thinking, blind followers. Years ago I sold my dental practice and went to seminary. I lasted 2 years on the staff of a large church. I left so that I wouldn’t lose my faith nor my mind. Make no mistake about it: big church is about big money. It really is that simple. I’ve seen up close how the system works; even how the system handles sexual abuse in order to prevent damaging the brand and losing profits. People like you who think for themselves, ask sensible questions, and simply desire truth are finding no place in today’s church. Your blog will help those people know they aren’t losing their minds but are in fact using their minds. Keep up the good work. Steve

Julie Anne, I was raised in a FGBC church that was into some culty, legalistic, and abusive practices. The pastor of my church is now in FGBC leadership (but it’s not a denomination😉. He taught Bible at the affiliated Christian school and generally just told us urban legends as if they were his own experiences. All children of elders were required to attend the school, so I was there 6 or 7 days a week. The abusive youth pastor does missions trips to Haiti now and generally does whatever will win him accolades from men. He spanked my little brother at church every week without my parents’ knowledge or permission. He demeaned us and insulted us students at every turn. I’m quite certain that he is a closet case. He took us to a sex paraphernalia shop in Philly on a missions trip. He enjoyed exposing us to all kinds of “worldly” material so that we would be prepared for life outside the bubble, but we were discouraged from having friends outside the church unless we were bringing them to Jesus. He also taught at the Christian school, and he forced us to do evangelism on a major Catholic campus for a grade. He accused me of sexual sin when I was 17, even though I’d never dated or kissed anyone.

I went on to Grace College in Winona Lake, IN, where the FGBC is based. I met a man with a similar background and married him before graduation. He went to seminary, which was the final straw for us with fundamentalist evangelical culture. Then he went on to get a PhD and now teaches religion at a small college. I’m a happy momma of four and a Roman Catholic. The damage done to us emotionally and spiritually is still with us, especially after a visit with my in-laws who insult anyone who does not think and live in the same narrow belief system that they do. However, we are raising a joyful crew of children who are being brought up to love God and live joyfully.

I am attending bbc&s and students have been posting some abusive things. one of them is a pastor if now two of them. The comments range from there is no such thing as a victim, PTSD isnt real and mental health problems are a sign of weakness and character flaws. one of the students has followed and harased every post in class i have made. the teacher has seemingly done nothing. I named them both and now I am being faced with expulsion. i know its not much but i never knew doing this could be so.. dangerous to say. none of them have apologized to me and i have been forced to issue one to them.. i find out the decision tomorrow and the posts have been deleted and mine remain as to I look like the bad person.

everything was on the classroom discussion board. all of them have been deleted about the altercation both this one and the last. i have them copied just in case, and baptist bible college and seminary is bbc&s.. its evidently a mini bob jones

I admire your kind hearted honestly and bravery. Since the story broke on Bill Gothard, I have been grieved for him and especially for all those effected by his deprived mind brought on by pride. His remaining life focus should be on repentance and restitution to those who he has harmed so deeply. He should devote all his time and funds to those he has hurt by praying and asking God how he can do that. Perhaps providing the families funding for counseling, free home school material of their choice, scholarships to college, and publicly confessing his sin and pride like a poor beggar seeking forgiveness and not like a spiritual giant in his own mind.. If he choses not to do this, sadly, his legacy will not be as a man of God but as a religious pedophile. I beleive in God’s grace and know that God can use him to heal the many he has hurt. His current endeavors are blatant indicators that he heart is stone as well as those that allowed him to get to this point. I am grieved and truly hope and pray that he will truly humble himeslf before the Lord so we can see the power of God is making beauty out of these ashes. Thanks again Julie. – Pastor Joe

Hi, Julie Anne. I was trying to find a way to send you email, but couldn’t, so I’m leaving a message here. Did you know that an old molesting case against Josh Duggar has broken? In Touch Weekly has published the story and the police documents which they acquired through the Freedom of Info. Act, from what I can understand. I haven’t poked around your site for awhile, so I don’t know yet if you have dared to speak out against the Duggar sacred cow or not, but I thought I’d give you a head’s up. I came over here to see if you had anything on it, and you didn’t. (I was here in the past in relation to the Doug Phillips scandal.)

Of course, a whole lot of people will be defending the Duggars and even claiming that it’s all a fabrication. If so, In Touch will be in pretty hot water because —
You can find the police reports here:

If that’s made up, it’s a pretty big conspiracy. If it isn’t, then the dear, darling (Patriarchal) T.V. stars are not as holy and undefiled as they are presented to the world. 😦 I’ve been disturbed for some time about their overly sanitized image.

I agree. I was just talking with a friend and we agreed that there is going to be a big mess because of this and it will get a lot worse before it gets better. If the Duggars hadn’t made their family public figures it is doubtful that it would have been publicly known. Then these people could have sorted through their respective issues without all the drama of a public spectacle. So much potential now for hurt and misery. It makes me sick – and sad.

I was also glad to read that Jim Bob had reported it to the authorities and Michelle was willing to talk to the police about it.

I’m more and more happy to be free of religion completely. It really is my Father and me now. Last year I let go of Catholicism forever. There are many, many wonderful people that are trying to clean the mess from within, but for me I needed out. At 17 I was a victim of the “baby scooping” here. You can read about what this is here: http://babyscoopera.com/

I was in a “kindler, gentler” situation — and i do thank God for this everyday — than those in Ireland other places in what is known as the “Magdalene Laundries.” I still find it amazing that this nightmare only concluded in 1996. No apologies from the Roman Catholic Church, nothing from the nuns, either, who have reportedly made millions by selling their properties, along with all the horrendous discoveries on those properties, which helped propel this into the spotlight.

On a side note: Remember what God’s Word says about nothing can stay hidden, the truth will always come out?

On the other hand, the RCC, in the personage of Bill Donahue, is busy writing denial pieces on the Magdalene Laundries and, of course minimization pieces for the ongoing clergy-abuse cases.

For the first time in my life I finally viewed some documentaries on these abuses, and many more. What is a consistent them throughout is that NOTHING HAS BEEN DONE BY THE RCC WITHOUT BEING FORCED INTO IT BY LAWSUITS.

I cannot speak for other religions other than the one I was cradle-raised in, although I am obviously now well-read in this area.

I tend to read books by people whose sole focus is God, regardless of denomination — true faith and trust in God and God along — as Jesus said “Trust in God and believe also in me.” It really is that simple. No need for priests, pastors, and certainly not a pope, rituals, dogmas, or beat-the-sheep-for-money tithing monster.

The most tragic part of the whole mess with religion is those who have left God altogether because of what they experienced in religion. Someday I’ll write about what kept me from leaving God over the years and turning to agnosticism or atheism over the years.

I am happy to be called out. Yes, the Catholic Church has me on their roll of 1.2 billion “faithful” and I haven’t formally resigned from my parish. Hey, there are a couple of nuns around my parts doing mini-retreats and talking about total faith and trust in God and God’s Word as a treasure, read the Bible and ask for help from the Holy Spirit in doing this. I mean, you really can’t get more un-Catholic than that in the Catholic Church. It’s just amazing how God works through people. Who knows? Maybe I will have to go back to do something like this.

I really thank you for your blog and your courage. God bless you and keep you safe.

Over 30 years ago God showed me my church was totally demon possessed. I saw it very plainly. I go around the Internet telling people that the churches have fallen away. I get sad because most of what I run into on the Internet is people telling each other how bad this church is and how bad that church is and how bad that denomination is. Every church and denomination is going to be bad now because they have fallen away. I wish people would concentrate on trying to get the true church together and looking for the people who have the true Holy Spirit in their hearts. Because there really is a very big difference between a false Christian and a true Christian. A false Christian that goes to a fallen away church will need deliverance. They will need deliverance from demons, everyone one of them. All of us have been raised in false churches and all of us will need deliverance to be part of the true church.

After God showed me my church was totally filled with demon possessed people I’ve looked for a church with people who had the Holy Spirit. I haven’t been able to find a gathering like that in about 32 years. It is a huge task to get people to see that the church they are attend is fake, it is false, it is not the real church and then to get us all together as the real church. It is near to impossible to accomplish this task now since the falling away is so bad. Most people will be betrayed unto death by their own family before they can find the real church, just like the bible says. Our own family will be our foes. Many will be and have been betrayed unto death already by their own family members now. I was almost. I saw enough to escape and get away from my family.

Julie Anne, I sent you an email at your above email address, but I realized that it might not have gotten to you. I finally wrote an article on the subject of spiritual BDSM, as I think of it, and I thought you might be interested since we’d discussed the concept somewhere on SSB before. But, your email may have deleted it or put it in your spam box due to the title and subject matter.🙂

I’m emailing you, please don’t discount because of my fake name. I have horrible anxiety. Been diagnosed with complex-ptsd and ocd. Used to have reoccurring nightmares of being back home and unable to escape. So if I’m cagey, that’s why. Been depressed and crying all week.

Homeschooling mama here too who teaches my girls they can be whatever they want! If they want to be stay at home moms, they can–I don’t push it. I’m a stay at home mom who also works part time. My husband and I do not have a conventional marriage. sometimes I cook, sometimes he does. Sometimes I clean, sometimes he does. Marriage is what you make of it! And I too just left an abusive church. Being sued—wow! Thanks for sharing your story for the rest of us.