I believe that God's ways for all of us are so much greater and higher and deeper than we are willing to face. We go "safe" and we settle. God dares us to go and be and feel something new, something different, something bold. We hold ourselves back and talk ourselves out of so many dreams that he has for us.

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Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Joy and Sorrow

Mexico

Here I sit.
The sun has gone down as I sit here in the coolness of the evening. I like that about Mexico...the difference in temperature.

I've been here for 3 and a half weeks. It seems longer. This is such a different experience for me this time. In all my travels in all of my life, I did have apprehension, fear, loneliness.....and so far, so good. I feel that I'm beginning to live abundantly. I love that. I'm seeing God's hand in so many things.
Has it been perfect? No...nothing is, this side of heaven....but it's good. I feel like God has set me up to succeed here...or maybe my definition of success has finally changed. Both are probably true.

This afternoon, I received a message from a church friend. She recently met a friend of mine. I say a friend, but I haven't seen her in such a long time...a few years in fact.
When I was at the pregnancy centre, we travelled the same circles. And I loved her. I don't think she knew that....but I did. She was a force to be reckoned with. God gave her a mission and she took that very seriously.
I remember once, when I sat with them during a service in their church.....everyone was going forward for communion, and she told me to come along. "But, I'm not Catholic," I said, and she whispered...that it was okay, just come for a blessing...and so I went....cared for and sandwiched between her and her husband.
A good memory.
Apparently she is palliative. Going home for her last days. She is not old.
And I wonder about this.....why certain people get to go early....while the rest of us wait. I wonder why she, who could have many more years, does not. Like my dad.....gone early. I know that it is a wonder that we will always have, here on earth...
And a bit later today...after texts flying back and forth for the past 36 hours....a friend delivers a beautiful baby.....God's new promise to this world. New life...

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12

The ebb and flow of lives coming and going is so unexplainable, so hard for humankind to understand. Joy and sorrow, mixed together.....you can't have one without the other.

I've spent the past year learning that. I recognized my lack of joy these past years....it was because I didn't want to feel the sorrow....I didn't realize they were connected.

And so tonight, I feel both. Joy for new life, and sorrow for this dear family who may soon lose a loved one.
God will have to raise someone up to fill her shoes, and they are big shoes to fill.
And God also has a plan for this little lamb that has just entered humanity.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5