Fighting With Your Woman The Right Way

Because I consider myself a relationship advocate for men everywhere, it is with shame that I make a most painful admission: Men are inferior when it comes to conflict resolution. We are. Admit it. Whether in an argument, a mild disagreement or a fight, we need a lesson on how to make it work with our significant other. Henry Kissinger, the master diplomat, has a goldmine in relationship advice seminars for men should he ever feel the inclination.

The problem with us, as men, is that we see life in terms of competition. Black and white competition. Our logical nature is a savior in many life matters but not in the realm of relationship conflict.

We process in such a rational, logical fashion that we tend to alienate our partner. Sure, we make our point and may even "win" the argument. But what do we gain in the long run? Again, our competitive intuition is a hindrance when we disagree with a woman.

go with the grain

I know of what I speak. A woman I was once in love with told me on more than one occasion, "you fight against me and not with me." On that, I had no choice but to agree. Our arguments became so intense because I made it a personal mission to tire her out with rhetoric to the point of complete submission.

I had to win and make her see my point. And if that was not the final outcome, my recourse was the silent treatment. Immature? Maybe. But by God, I know I have good company in that regard because I witness it firsthand from men and even have them tell me that they too, feel the compulsion to triumph over their partner with every possible argument. Newsflash guys: Relationship conflict is not a contact sport. There is no real victor in the end. As soon as that is clear, you can begin to fight the right way.

One important disclaimer: To fight, disagree and quarrel is human. I find it sad when couples announce with pride that they "never, ever fight." Give me a break. You never, ever fight? Well, do you ever have sex? Other than sex, no act is more natural.

Sure it may be unpleasant. The alternative however, is to suppress personal expression. And that is no good. When done right, a fight is productive and even helpful to a relationship.