New leader inspires long-buried hope

I'm not overly religious. In fact, by Muncie standards, I feel downright agnostic at times.

Having spent more than five years here, I've come to appreciate the genuine serenity that accompanies the strong comfort so many in our community receive from their faith. I once felt much the same way, but as a Catholic, I grew disenchanted with the church of my upbringing as I grew older.

The infamous abuse that ran rampant in the church made me ill, more so when our leaders dismissed the victims' suffering and did little if anything to protect future children in an effort to spare their reputation.

I still had some hope, however, until the election of Pope Benedict XVI. I remember standing in my newsroom surrounded by co-workers (in central Wisconsin, nearly everyone is Catholic) as an unpleasant hush fell over the room when Benedict stepped onto the balcony. This was the man who represented everything I found disturbing. I found him arrogant, rigid and unforgiving. I couldn't see an ounce of compassion in his words or his acts.

His actions in the days and months that followed only cemented that initial impression.

My son was to be confirmed several months later. After 14 years of Catholic education classes, weekly Mass and two years of preparation, Eddie asked that he not go through with the ceremony. He didn't want to be Catholic.

My first reaction was absolute shock. How could I tell my dad that his grandson was turning his back on the faith in which we had been raised and in which my father so passionately believed? It was going to break his heart.

It was then that I realized that if telling my dad was the worst fallout of Eddie's decision that I could imagine, I was missing the point. In my heart, I agreed with all of the reasons Eddie cited.

He didn't want to be attached to a faith that he saw as unwelcoming to those "the Church" felt didn't belong; homosexuals, unwed parents, divorced parishioners ... the unworthy in Catholic leaders' eyes. I had taught Eddie forgiveness, inclusiveness and an open heart - none of which we found any longer in our church.

I wasn't ready to abandon Catholicism all together. I believed in the tenants of the church, just not the way today's leaders interpreted God's message.

Disturbed by too much, I haven't been to church in years.

On Wednesday, I wanted to go back.

When Pope Francis stepped onto the balcony, clearly overwhelmed, possibly terrified, and definitely humble, I felt a twinge of pride I thought was long forgotten.

When he asked the crowd to bless him, rather than the other way around, I felt hope. At that time, I knew nothing about him, other than what his demeanor spoke.

In the last few days, I've only become more impressed. As a Jesuit, the former Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio (now Pope Francis) chose a life of poverty to focus on service. He refused the Argentine mansion of former cardinals, and chose to live in a tiny apartment with a wood stove. He rode the bus to work and cooked his own meals.

He speaks openly about the hypocrisy of other Catholic leaders who forget the time Jesus spent with lepers and the destitute. As a cardinal, Francis himself often visited the slums of Buenos Aires.

My hope has grown stronger each day as I read of the little things that could speak to Pope Francis' leadership: He rode in a minivan with other cardinals - after he was elected - back to their residence while in Rome. When Vatican staff attempted to stop other cardinals from getting in the elevator because tradition dictates the pope descend alone, Pope Francis welcomed everyone in. During his first Mass, he spoke in conversational tones that everyone can understand.

Is he everything I could ever want? No. If I had my way, he would open the church to same-sex marriage, but I don't see that happening in my lifetime under any pope. I would love to see the use of contraception welcomed as vehemently as abortion is abhorred in the Catholic faith. Again, that won't happen under Pope Francis.

When all is said and done, however, Pope Francis appears to understand he is just a man, above no one else. That alone is enough to give me great hope for our future as a church. I feel better about my personal future than I have in quite some time.

Lisa Nellessen-Lara is executive editor of The Star Press. Have a question for her? Want to learn more about the day-to-day workings of The Star Press?

Take part in the discussion: Like her on Facebook at facebook.com/your TSPeditor. Follow her on Twitter: www.twitter.com/yourtspeditor.

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New leader inspires long-buried hope

I'm not overly religious. In fact, by Muncie standards, I feel downright agnostic at times.