Wednesday, June 29, 2005

In Sandusky, Ohio there is an amusement park called Cedar Point. It's known for an abundance of roller coasters [16 in fact]. In 2003 Cedar Point debuted a ride that combines cutting-edge science with plain ol' fashioned craziness.

But a few days ago, things went very, very wrong. Normally, the system launches the cars far enough up the massive hill so that the train's momentum carries it over the edge. Then gravity takes over and the train is slowed down by magnetic brakes on its way back to the station.

Last week, that didn't happen, and the 18-passenger full train came to a stop at the very top of the lift hill. Observers claimed that the train must have been perfectly balanced to keep from going over the crest.

After about 10 minutes, a maintenance worker arrives on the scene. His solution? A slight nudge to push the train over the edge.

Whiletechnically, I should be against it, I just have yet to hear a good enough reason why two people getting together and making a public commitment to each other is such a bad idea.

And now for a massive left turn...

As a comic book geek, it's my duty to slam movies months before they come up. With Fantastic Four coming out in a little over the week, I thought I would buck the trend and say something positive about the film.

first, here's a picture of Johnny Storm, the Human Torch.[actually, he's the second one to use the name, but that's another story] I believe it was drawn by Salvador LaRocca, but I could be mistaken...

And now here's a still from the new movie, as portayed by a bunch of CGI and actor Chris Evans...

Even if the movie is as bad as some are saying, I give the folks responsible full marks for at least getting Human Torch right.

Friday, June 24, 2005

After a month off, we're back to a 'traditional' WWE PPV in the form of Vengeance. The card looks pretty balanced story and wrestling wise, with [so far] a minimum of silliness. Here we go...

World Heavyweight Champion Batista vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell)

After losses at Wrestlemania and Backlash, HHH looks to win back the Big Gold Belt. In his way will be DAVE Ba[u]tista and 'the most demonic structure ever devised' the Hell In A Cell.

I think Batista has made himself a credible champ. Of course, having The Game chase you for the belt makes you legit. With Summerslam coming up next month, I think Batista will hold onto the belt. Remember, Edge still has his title shot in his briefcase, and I don't see him getting fed to HHH. The problem with predicting this stuff is that it becomes a question of when, and not if HHH will be the champ again.

I see both guys wearing the crimson mask, but not at the levels of Judgment Day's I Quit match. Don't look for any huge bumps either. Note: The Hell in the Cell was sullied twice by the late Big Boss Man [Kennel in Hell, 'hanging' WM XV]

Kane vs. Edge (w/Lita)

Real life meets wrestling and the result is...ehh.

So Kane had beaten Matt Hardy in a match, which gave him the right to marry Lita. That was fair, since she was carrying his demon-seed. In case you forgot, Kane is The Undertaker's half-brother. Unfortunately, she lost the hellspawn in an accident [not caused by Gene Snitsky] but it did bring them closer together. Or so Kane thought. Actually, she and Edge were secretly scheming to ensure that Edge would win RAW's Gold Rush Tournament. Once her betrayal was complete, she further tormented Kane by flushing her wedding ring, forgiving Gene and even marrying Edge on the air. Kane has been despondent, but recently seems to have gotten back some of his fire.

The real life story makes just about as much sense. Essentially, the one guy who did nothing wrong gets to sit at home and watch the happy couple laugh at the fact he's not there.

I see Kane getting over here due to some miscommunication between Edge and Lita. I'd like to see Trish Stratus make a surprise appearance, but I won't hold my breath.

WWE Champion John Cena vs. Christian vs. Chris Jericho

John Cena's move to RAW raised the stakes of the Draft Lottery. The addition of another belt seems to be more trouble than it's worth. On the bright side, it's given Christian a bigger spotlight. Since the WWE hasn't clarified the importance of the WWE Championship [as it looks like it will be replaced on Smackdown], I'll go out on a limb and say that Cena retains, since I don't think either Jericho or Christian would like the blinged-out belt.

Kurt Angle vs. Shawn Michaels

After a great match from Wrestlemania, the Draft Lottery comes through again. Angle and Michaels will lace them up again in a match designed to draw in the wrestling workrate fan. I see Shawn winning this match, opening the door to a rubber match at Summerslam.

Intercontinental Champion Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin

Another Draft pick created match. Carlito is an example of someone taking the ball and running with it. From his first appearance on Smackdown, where he won the US Championship, to remaining a top heel while working through injury. He won the Intercontinental Title his first night on RAW against one of the strongest IC champs this side of Ricky Steamboat. He's even survived the loss of a lackey [Jesus] and even given enough of a rub to Matt Morgan so he can survive without him.

Shelton has become very entertaining to watch. He's slowly improving on the mic, and I fully expect him to be World Champ soon.

This is tricky. I think at this point, both guys don't really need the belt. I'll go with my gut and say that Shelton wins back his IC belt.

Victoria vs. Christy

A cute girl who can't wrestle vs. a cute girl who can. This would be easy to predict if not for the fact that is the WWE we're talking about. I'll go against conventional wisdom and say Victoria takes the match.

This is up-to-date as of Fri. night. Notice that there is no Tag Team Title Match as of yet. look to Sunday Night Heat to possibly announce another match or two.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

I'm not even watching the Dateline 'Runaway Bride' interview, but even when I channel surf by it, I can feel those eyes boring their way into my soul, and it creeps me the hell out. And I've even seen stuff like Goatse and TubGirl.

Friday, June 17, 2005

I figure it's high time I take a break from my usual award-winning humor and try my hand at some science.

As anyone who's seen the Back To The Future films knows, time travel is very risky. A wrong move could result in your parents having never met and then poof! You disappear in a cloud of smoke.

But recently, some physicists from the US and Austria have reported that might not be the case.BBC News has a fairly mindblowing article on this subject.

The big question is whether time travel is possible at all. There have been attempts to hold a convention for time travelers but the overriding question remains. If people can travel through time, why have we not seen them or any changes they've made?

But just because it can't be observed, it doesn't mean it's not happening. So then the question becomes; is something preventing us from changing the past?

Please check out the article. If nothing else, it'll give you an excuse to yell out, "Great Scott!"

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Even though I blurt out my opinions in these pages almost daily, it's very rare when someone actually solicits them.

The fine folks from DiscHub asked me to say a few words about their product.

Full Disclosure:I am an owner of the previous version of the DiscHub.

The DiscHub is designed around a fairly simple concept. It's a way to keep your most-used discs readily available without the risk of scratches. It works with CD-ROMs and DVDs. With 11 slots, you can have two complete Simpsons seasons and the three-disc spanning Wrestlemania XX.

Here's a picture of a fully loaded DiscHub. Eagle-Eyed readers can pick out my DVD choices and chuckle accordingly. The discs are laid out in a staggered pattern, which allows you to see all of them easily.

Removing a disc is easy:

You just take your finger and use a little pressure to drag the disc from between the neoprene slot. To replace it, just 'roll' the disc till it sits squarely back in the Hub.

Here's an artistic top-down view of the DiscHub, mostly because I got bored.

In summary, the DiscHub is an altogether super little invention. To quote Mr. Beuller, "If you have the means I highly recommend picking one up."

And if you do wish to pick one up, please click here. Don't worry, I don't get a cut. I just thought that Churn Nation should know about this item.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Unfortunately, I can't follow that up with an obscenity-laced Joel Gertner promo.

This will be a rare wrestling-related post, so you're forewarned. Also, to save time I'm assuming you know about the history of ECW.

This Sunday the WWE will try to serve us up some nostalgia with ECW: One Night Stand.

Actually, it's a bit more complicated than that.

When the concept for an ECW reunion was being tossed around, the idea was to emulate the 'ECW style'. There would be a noticeable lack of polish and glitz, to match the almost thrown together design of those early ECW shows. Only ECW alumni would work the show, and even assume their old identities, i.e Simon Dean/Nova. The stage was set for a show that, if done right, might have signaled a new life for the defunct organization.

SNAGS...

The WWE, sensing the scads of money this type of show could pull in, decided to price the event accordingly. The seats ranged from $100 to $400 ringside. When the show failed to sell out, it seems that WWE made an executive decision.

So far, the promotion of the show was almost non-existent, with one or two ads peppered into WWE shows. It was barely mentioned on camera as well. That began to change when Eric Bischoff, as GM of RAW, made a decree banning any mention of ECW on 'his' show. He then gathered a group of WWE loyalists determined to attend One Night Stand and kill ECW a second time. On Smackdown, Kurt Angle gathered a group of his own to avenge a perceived slight against him many years ago. Essentially, it looks like WWE thought that the ECW name wasn't going to be enough to sell the show, and that it needed WWE 'names' to rescue it from failure. I think it's a bit premature, but then again I'm not CEO of a billion-dollar corporation.

Hopefully, the ECW faithful will dispose of the WWE detatchment in short order.

Finally, I want to make a final call to any and all wrestling fans. WWE Fantasy is now free, with a Monday afternoon deadline. If you decide to play, you can follow along in our own league. Just look for WildAssCircus, and click 'join'.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Well, actually it's not really a feud, but I felt it would add excitement if I called it that.

In this corner, we have Jim Hill, a man who seems to know way more than he's supposed to. He mainly writes about the goings-on behind the scenes at Disney, but he does delve into the larger world of entertainment. I don't believe I've ever read an article by him and not gone away having learned something new.

A few days ago, Mr. Hill posted an article about the possible origin of the character Hurley from the TV show LOST. I don't watch the show regularly, but I have one question. Shouldn't that guy have slimmed down a bit by now?

Anyways, this story reached the ears of Harry Knowles and AintItCool, or at the very least, one of his pseudonym-laced minions. Herc[as he's named] posted a response here.

Personally, I've learned to trust Mr. Hill when it comes to these sorts of things. AintItCool does have major clout when it comes to scoops and the like, but at times they do have a 'circle the wagons' mentality when it comes to their own.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

So, sometime in the last few years, VH1 decided that MTV had the right idea and decided that showing videos wasn't that important.

Now, they're a bizzare mish-mash of reality shows and what I call MST3K-vision.

For the deprived few of you who don't know what MST3K is, click here. [Sweet Jebus, I hope noone has to click.]

Basically, VH1 has taken the economic benefits of the clip show and freshened it up with some biting sarcasm and witty comments:

Enter I Love The 70s/8os/90s, Best Week Ever, When ___ Ruled The Earth, and The 50 Best/Worst Whosits Ever.

I guess on the one hand, it's a good thing. I mean, I would have never thought that there was anything funny about the week's news if Christian Finnegan hadn't told me. Also, where would we be without the biting wit of Paul Scheer and the 'Hug Guy' from that Dave Matthews videos? I'll wait for you to Google them, because I sure as hell had to.

I do realize the irony of me commenting about those who do the same thing. My response is that I'm not passing this off as original entertainment, and I'm not charging anyone for it.

Back to my Original Point. Earlier today, I stumbled past one of the many airings of their countdown shows. This time it was The 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever. Of course, it was filled with people wondering how we ever liked any of those songs.

I've decided to post here all of the songs on that list that I currently own or have stored on my hard drive. Like it or not, the odds are very high that the music you enjoy today will be thought of as horrible in the future. Actually, the pop culture 'cycle' has gotten so effecient, that it might only take a few weeks.

Without further ado:

Two Princes - Spin Doctors

Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart

We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel

Cotton Eye Joe - Rednex

What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes

Informer - Snow

Broken Wings - Mr. Mister

I'd Do Anything For Love - Meat Loaf

Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley

Sussudio - Phil Collins

Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Richie

I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts

You're The Inspiration - Chicago

The Final Countdown - Europe

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies

Barbie Girl - Aqua

Heart Of Rock and Roll - Huey Lewis and the News

Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin

Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something

Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice

Rollin' - Limp Bizkit [as The Undertaker's Entrance Theme]

Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chun

We Built This City - Starship

If you want to see the whole list, feel free. If you'll excuse me, I've got some Ace of Base and Extreme loaded up in my Rio Karma.

Friday, June 03, 2005

So it looks like my circle of acquaintances is getting more and more interested in 'this blogging thing'. I figured I'll take this moment to list a few of them and encourage Churn Nation to visit them.

Brother Mike: almost as big a nerd as I am, he offers a nicely jaundiced look at life. He and I also review WWE Pay-Per-Views for the P1WAC. Interesting fact: on the air we accidentally revealed he was having marriage trouble. [they worked things out]

Devin Pike: been doing the blog thing for a while now. I first met him attempting suicide by donut. He's the one on the right. His opponent? A man we call Big Anthony. It turns out about how you'd expect. Devin is a media connoisseur, and even offers up a podcast.

Richard "Big Dick" Hunter: Whatever tiny bit of recognition I get, this man is responsible for 99% of it. Thanks to him, I've met celebrities, traveled cross-country, and even attended his wedding in the center of a brothel [Hi Shelly!]. I've also gone undercover at a strip club with a hidden mic to bore the dancers with my Star Wars knowledge. A great guy who's tolerated me for way too long.

Rowdy Hating Walt: One of the founding members of Miscom. It's concentrated bitterness, with a hint of liberal anger. Tip: read his blog in a Fozzie Bear voice for added comedy.

The Duchess: A sweetheart, she's my first choice if I ever have to play the "Unsubtantiated Canadian Girlfriend" card. She puts a lot of heart into her entries and it really comes across.

Ty Walker: Responsible for maintaining sports credibility on the P1WAC, he gives the listener the latest sports headlines every 20 minutes. The newest blogger on this list, I'm curious as to the direction the old lummox will go.

Well, that about covers it. If anyone out there wants me to give their blog the oh-so illustrious Churn Shout-Out, let me know.