Shipwrecked! Then Jungle Hunt!

Now on Second Book: Racing to Ruin

Very Large Things Are Very Hungry And Also Very Unpleasant

Because aggressive flying lizards are not annoying enough; giant crocodiles exist. Imogen does not appreciate being eaten by a gargantuan freaking lizard, although at least she was too dead to remember most of it. Luckily, Felix has a scroll of Raise Dead, so she is quickly returned to the land of the living. Death bonus – drinking contest with the Divine Bro means no longer being drunk!

The next day we wander down the hill to the skull and skeleton decorated hut that Purna had previously scouted out. We can see a treasure pile inside, but we get distracted by some monstrous, lizardy dudes trying to claw us up before we can investigate. The lure of treasure is so strong that Imogen pretty much cuts one of them in half, and Goroth tears a leg off of one and uses it to beat another one to death. Then Imogen knocks one unconscious with the flat of her sword just for fun as Felix and Purna smack around the remnants. These lizardy dudes are very unlucky. And the loot inside turns out to be the real deal. It’s a good day so far.

We move further in toward the city and end up at the edge of the large lake. We can see the ziggurat that indicates the trade district, but closer to our current location we notices a mysteriously muted, pentagonal building. It is also mysteriously free of vegetation.

Approaching the building, we find it to be somewhat occupied by some hostile ghosts. But Purna’s Ectoplasmic Fireball leaves them easily defeated. Imogen goes diving in the submerged lower levels and finds some treasure. Yay!

Then we head toward the ziggurat, unfortunately we find that the way is blocked although we do notice that there’s a cavern underneath. We decide to approach that way, and discover a gargantuan bat. Imogen almost gets swallowed again, but manages to avoid it with a little help. Namely, Goroth rides the bat and it’s epic.

Once the bat is defeated we are able to find a way into the ziggurat from this cavern. There’s not much left there, but we do figure out how to activate the Spear of Commerce. Of course, being better at appraising things is not that useful to us right now. We sleep safely in the ziggurat and head out to investigate the last major structure in the district first thing in the morning.

As soon as we walk through the door, we encounter three chimera. Purna almost dies right off the bat because she is not very dodgey. But in the end we triumph, as usual. By the time we’re ready to leave the merchant district, Goroth has added the title “Cheater of Two Certain Deaths” to his name.

New Friends And A New Location In No Way Lower The Number Of Wacky Shenanigans

The stress of being totally unable to read the magic map which should get us to our ultimate goal appears to be too much for our dear Aiden Abbott. He sneaks off and heads back to his more native city. Felix, Imogen, Canan and Queequay have a ridiculous argument about where the city may be. Apparently our ignorance of geography is frustrating to our previously unknown watcher.

An elven wizard bursts into the room, yells at us until we become less suspicious of her being evil and introduces herself as Purna. She also tells us how to get to Saventh-Yhi. That’s some useful skills. So, following her directions, we trek through the jungle for a bit and find ourselves overlooking the formerly lost city of Saventh-Yhi.

Purna divines that this will not be the safest place for us to enter the city, so we wander through the jungle some more. Canan and Queequay note a dinosaur in the distance and take off to hunt it down. The rest of us are a little baffled, but we wish Canan Van Singer the best in his big game hunting ways.

As we’re walking around the outside of the city, we see a campfire in the dark. We approach and encounter Goroth, Thain of the Grogslayer Tribe, Seeker of the Fabled Platinum City, Bearer of the Golden Plate and Slayer of 10,000 Kobolds, a mighty 1/2 orc or 1/3 or possibly 1/4 orc. Goroth is a loudly friendly fellow and there are drinks all around. He got lost searching for more kobolds to kill, but is also interested in the possibility of killing monkeymen.

Once we get our drink on, there is some bawdy singing. Foolish monkeys try to drown us out, but we win.

The next day, as we’re hacking along a trail into the city, we get caught up to by our Free Captain friends. The labor that Kassata brought along will do the hard work of clearing the trail and we are more than willing to allow them. Felix takes the time to hang out with Sasha if you know what I mean and the rest of us take a short, but well-deserved rest. The main party gets set up in a good campsite to wait for the results of our exploration. We pick up the paved road and make our way into the city.

We’re on a rope bridge when some aggressive flying lizards come at us. Imogen learns to beware of combustible terrain when Purna almost lights the bridge on fire. Goroth throws one of them off a cliff and rides it down to the river below. The other two try to flee, but Felix manages to cripple one so that it falls off the cliff and dies anyway.

Then we have to get Goroth out of the river before he drowns. Felix casts Blessing of Fervor so we can get our hurry up on. A rope is lowered. Imogen gets quite wet. Basically, there’s a lot of nonsense and shenanigans and it turns out that while Felix can hold a rope with wet Imogen on it, he can’t quite lift Goroth’s weight. Luckily, Goroth manages to save himself and the rope.

Later that evening, Purna uses Arcane Eye and saw some crazy ghost ants up ahead, so we wake up in the morning and prepare. Generally, we would be cautious as we approach, but Goroth kind of charges ahead. Axes do not have an effect on the first ant we see, but Goroth’s gauntlets can produce magical fire. That’s an interesting discovery. So is the ghostly half-orc that lives with the ants. But we fight him and steal his treasure. Go us!

An Unrecorded But Certainly Significant Session

A lot of stuff happened, but it all boils down to we had to finish defeating all the monsters in the zigguraut in order to find the pieces to the ritual that will allow us to unlock the map to Saventh-Yhi. Shenanigans and goings on ensue, but in the end, we stand triumphant over a map of the area which would tell us where Saventh-Yhi is if we could only figure out how to read it.

In Which We Are Not Menaced By An Ever-Increasing Number Of Monkey Men

We follow a path from the aqueduct the next day which leads to a temple in the center of the city. Inevitably, there’s a trap which we thankfully notice and which Von Savage shoots to set off while no one can be hurt. Having loudly announced our presence, we proceed to the interior.

On the other side of the temple area we are faced with a very large tar pond. There are wooden bridges crossing the area that seem to have been deliberately build, if not by humans. Aiden prepares to step onto the first walkway when suddenly the dudes notice that something is wrong and monkey men start shrieking and throwing things at us. The fight which ensues, ends the same way they all do – monkey men running in terror and us killing them.

Then we walk into a chamber where the monkeys have captured three human tribes people. They dip them in tar and burn them alive to make them shed their skins in honor of Ydersius. This is twisted. We offer to let them leave, because we’re bored of fighting them, but they don’t believe us. So we kill them easily and free the people they had captured. Those guys are, for some reason, terrified of the monkey men so they immediately flee through the area we’ve already cleared.

We approach the last somewhat intact chamber and some monkey men flee at out approach. But the one inside the creepy, snake-themed room in question seems to have a little backbone and prepares to fight us. He also appears to be a spell caster and has a large snake to assist him. Felix prepares to Counterspell and Aiden throws a little Glitterdust into the mix. Canan focuses on the snake and Imogen on the caster. Unfortunately, there’s some confusion and Imogen accidentally cuts up her armor a bit. With all of that going on, it’s actually little Aiden Abbott who strikes the final blow.

It’s all made worth it with the loot which includes and mysterious and obviously important gem stone.

The next day we head for the zigguraut and try to go in through the slightly sunken doors. When we open them we find out that the monkey, me avoided this area for a very good reason – giant freaking wasps. They are nasty and sting and Imogen loses dexterity before they can be killed. Inside the zigguraut, we find a chamber filled by a giant wasp hive. We waffle around too much when trying to decide what to do with it and a queen wasp climbs out of the hive and proceeds to lay down some stinger on us. More loss of dexterity for Imogen, but overall the situation is fairly handily resolved.

We All Learn Something About Exploring Abandoned Cities

We arrive in what’s left of Tazion and it’s not much. There’s a gap in the wall that we start to climb through, and we’re nearly caught in a snare. Lucky Felix sees it and Imogen disarms it and we find ourselves in possession of a barbed net.

Looking in from the wall, we see the remains of a small tower. It’s a pretty distinctive structure so we approach in the hopes of treasure or information. There are monkey fighting snakes inside. Canan blows one up right away which gets them fighting us. Imogen gets poisoned (again). But it’s not hard to defeat the dangerous snakes. We dig through the ones that are left, but there doesn’t appear to be any treasure in here.

We notice a strange noise and realize that the city is currently inhabited by monkey men and that they’re loud. Three of them try to attack us. Once again, Canan blows something’s head off. Felix and Imogen uses their usual tactics to permanently remove another combatant. The last one runs, but we track him down and kill him and the three others he ran to for help. We decide to carry the monkey men heads in a net so that we can hopefully start scaring them away.

Wandering around the town a bit more we find a well surrounded by columns. And also four more monkey men. Boring. But one of the silly things had accidentally summoned a giant squid thing which is at least more interesting than they are. Not much more, since it’s quite easily defeated, but at least there’s treasure in the well. Monkey men don’t have much treasure. At the bottom of the well, when we’re looking for loot, we find a tunnel. Maybe it leads to Saventh-Yhi.

Or to an aquaduct. With a trap. Which summoned a water elemental. Curses!

Elementals are truly unpleasant. It is hard to hit and hits hard in return. But then it accidentally punches itself out and Imogen is able to kill it while it’s helpless. Our ridiculous luck pays off yet again. The Divine Bro loves us.

Significant Attention Is Payed To The Well-Being Of Attractive And Scantily Clad Young Ladies

About one week later we arrive at a ruined city which was apparently once called Liclac. Along the way, we’ve met up with the mighty hunter known as Canan Van Singer. In Liclac there’s some discussion about Van Singer’s name and whether or not Felix can create donuts. Then a bell rings in the ruins and tries to affect our will power. We all stand strong, but one of our buccaneers is hit by whatever it is and wanders off. We follow him, figuring that we’ll be led to the people responsible.

They are dirty, gnome-like things that have painted their faces to look like skulls. They can enlarge themselves, but they still aren’t very scary. We kill them quickly and easily. Then we figure out that they were filthy spriggan headhunters who used their magic bell to try to catch prey. We disapprove of them.

Four days later, the river widens and becomes fast and shallow. We see four Zenj women bathing in the river, and Imogen quickly ensures that Felix makes a fool of himself just in case, because she likes Sasha. Luckily, water is Felix’s one weakness. After all that silliness, one of the women introduces herself as Zakiyya and invites us to their home for a dinner of fish, frog legs and wild rice. Zakiyya explains that they are spirit dancers, priestesses who can awaken a person’s spirit totem.

Felix is very concerned about the mental well-being of such attractive young ladies, even after being reminded about Sasha, so he studies the three other young women and determines that they’re enchanted. He tells Imogen and asks if he should gamble with Zakiyya for their freedom. By the time they tell Aiden what they’re plotting, he’s already figured it out and is trying to flirt one of them to freedom.

We try to talk around it for a bit, but eventually Zakiyya orders the other three girls to attack us. She starts by dominating Imogen, the bitch. Luckily Felix was prepared to Dispel Magic today. But then it turns out that she and her friends have a lot of little tricks like that, so Imogen is pretty much out of the fight.

We almost kill her anyway, but then she teleports away, leaving behind a babau. Imogen had actually managed an attack and left her bleeding, so a little while later she dies and the other girls start helping us to get rid of the demon. It takes forever to kill, but we eventually get it done.

The three girls explain that Zakiyya was a succubus who tricked them into accepting her profane gifts. They are very grateful to be freed from her domination and offer to dance for us to reveal our totem spirits. We agree. Imogen gets a panther, Felix a rhinoceros, Aiden a lemur and Canan a water buffalo. Canan does not want to be inked and he can’t keep the spirit totem anchored to him without a tattoo, so he chooses against it. But the rest of us get ours, Imogen has it inked into her sleeve.

Then we rest with them before heading off on the last jaunt toward Tazion.

Felix Learns That Every Monster Does Not Count As A Curse, Even If They Are Creepy

Eight days later, we’re finally nearing the edge of the jungle. Also, we’ve finally started adventuring during the day. The buccaneers seem pleased, but it just makes Felix and Imogen sad. Aiden too, but not quite as much.

We see some torn up shrubbery, and notice foot and claw prints in the dirt nearby. Thanks to Queda’s skill we are able to guess that a human and a deformed, clawed thing come through here pretty often. Since we’re trying to remove any potential dangers to the main party of the Free Captains who should be following behind us, we decide to track these two back to wherever they came from and determine if they should be eliminated.

Of course they should be eliminated. We find an obviously ritually sacrificed boar in a clearing with a tomb. We are also forced to notice the zombified troll and the necromancer stepping out of the tomb and apparently wishing to attack us. The necromancer is especially creepy and we’re all a little afraid. But despite him having a big ‘ol troll for a bodyguard, he’s dead sooner rather than later. We do our usual looting and Aiden ends up with his awesome scary tribal mask.

Later that evening, Queda leaves us. He’s not quite convinced about our quest. We blame that bastard Tempest.

Which Begins With A Discussion Of Baby Hippo Pit Fighting And Ends In Sorrow

We follow the river north into the jungle, still following the route to Tazion and almost immediately see a herd of hippos in the river. There is a brief discussion about the possibilities of Vakeese using a Murderous Command to start a baby hippo pit fighting ring, but we decided to move on instead. Then some lizardfolk hunters spot us from across the river and stampede a hippo at us.

Two of the lizardfolk end up drowned and unconscious pretty much right away and Vakeese hangs the third one up to ask him what they were thinking. Imogen ends up unconscious in the river, being bitten by a hippo. This is muddy and annoying. We drive off the hippos and realize we shouldn’t bother questioning the last lizardfolk because he doesn’t speak any of our languages. So we scare him a lot and decide not to chase him down and burn his village.

Five days later we are attacked by a freaking gorilla that does magic. Imogen and Aiden get scared away, leaving Felix and Vakeese to will power their way through the situation. The two of them manage to take down the gorilla, but then a shadow demon rises out of the body. This is problematic. Vakeese remembers that her shrunken monkey head is supposed to be good for getting rid of this kind of things. She has to dig it out, so Felix is temporarily left on his own to distract the demon.

Felix is not quite a good enough distraction for a demon this tricky, and it is able to shoot off a Fireball which kills Mr. Bitey and leaves Donket dying. Vakeese forgets all about the fetish and charges the demon. So Felix has to go grab the fetish and try to touch the demon. Unfortunately, that takes all his attention so he can’t heal Vakeese before she dies from the demon’s Lightning Bolt.

The next morning Felix casts Speak With Dead so that we can try to figure out if Vakeese wants to be resurrected. But she doesn’t. So we bury her with her captain’s hat and her starknife.

So we’re walking slowly and sadly away from Vakeese’s grave when a giant bat comes out of nowhere and says, “Hello.” We all freak out a bit because we didnt’ know that bats could talk. But then in lands and it turns out that the bat is being ridden by a halfling and he’s the one who does the talking. He’s a bit sarcastic like and doesn’t seem to be working for any of our competitors. He introduces himself as Queda from Osiron and asks if he can come along. We are swayed by his nature skills as we’ve noticed some difficulty in that aspect since Old Man Caloway left us.

The Shining Lights and Dark Treachery of the Big(ish) City

With Kibi to guide us, we arrive easily at the Shrunken Head. There’s some dancing girls, who interest Felix until he is forcibly reminded about Sasha’s existence. We also easily spot Cheiton, by assuming that he is the most badass looking dwarf in the place. We introduce ourselves and are ready to get our drink and our talk on, but he says that we should go to his place before we start talking seriously since it will be more secure.

The little street girl, Kibi, seems to be following us. We’re a little suspicious, so we bring her along, but she takes off as soon as she gets a chance. Imogen sets Aiden to watch and grab her if she comes back so that we can figure out who she’s reporting to. Cheiton says that he’ll let us rest while he gathers supplies.

Later he warns us about all the creepy tribes we might encounter. Many of them will likely want to kill or eat us. We believe ourselves to be fairly well prepared for that by our past experience, but we appreciate the warning anyway. Before we leave, we try to find Kibi so we can figure out who she’s reporting to. But we can’t find he, so we just leave right away and hope for the best.

As we’re walking along the river just after nightfall, the path narrows and we trigger a Glyph of Warding. Ambushing occurs and Imogen ends up paralyzed and therefore is a target for Vakeese’s Color Spray, which leads to unconsciousness. Vakeese feels bad and almost heals her, but she doesn’t want anyone to see her healing, so it doens’t end up happening. Apparently, Kibi’s little trinkets just mark us as tourists and suckers.

Moving on from the ambush, we follow the river all the way to the Lake of Vanished Armies. Our map says that the treasure is in a sunken ship in the middle of the lake. Felix and Imogen are certain that it’s worth a day of our time to go out and recover it. But, of course, there’s some monster named Aomak in the lake and we’ll probably have to fight it. The villagers are nervous for us, but we go out to fight anyway.

It turns out that Aomak is really big, like not fighting any more big, and we get attacked by one of its spawn. The spawn is more that sufficient. It’s definitely dangerous enough to have kept the locals away from the treasure for years. But we defeat it and get on board the ship. And while we’re searching the ship for treasure, we don’t even get attacked or fall through any floor boards. Yay! It’s so nice not to be on Smuggler’s Shiv anymore. And there’s lots of treasure. Also yay!

After the treasure finding, we head into hostile territory. So we’re woken up one morning, just after we’ve set up camp, by some nasty archers. But we kill them all. They hate humans just like Old Man Caloway does, so we save him some very nifty arrows.

Being an Adventurer Is Sometimes Disgusting And Unfortunate

When we wake up the next afternoon, a huge flock of vultures have been gathering overhead. Our pirates weren’t particularly concerned and didn’t wake us, but they are a little odd. Two of them are definitely larger and scarier looking than the rest, so Aiden shoots one. They dive and start attacking, but it’s not much of a fight.

Three days later, in the middle of our walking night we see a tall, leafless boab tree. It has been burnt and there are bodies hanging from it. As we get closer, we can see that it is also surrounded by a circle of tiny bones. We approach the tree, intending to give the bodies a proper burian, but some of them rise up to fight us. It probably won’t end well for them. Imogen explodes one with her sword and it’s gross and full of decay. Later on we notice that even the bodies in the tree are zombies, so we have to kill them as well. Gross.

We do bury all the bodies even though it’s disgusting because it’s the right thing to do. Sometimes we wish we weren’t adventurers. We ask Aiden why he’s looking so hard for his arrows and he informs us that he only brought six because that’s how much ammo is in a revolver. Whatever a revolver is. We mock him relentlessly for this and head off down the road.

We arrive in Kalabuto shortly after sunrise and start asking for directions to the Shrunken Head to meet Cheiton. A little beggar girl named Kibi is selling small wooden jewelry that he says will tell the tribes deeper in the jungle that we’re friendly. We decide to buy some. Felix gets a rhino, Imogen a panther, Aiden an ocelot and Vakeese stares her down until she comes up with a displacer beast. Also, we engage Kibi to lead us to the tavern.