How to commit career suicide

If you really want to consciously or subconsciously sabotage your professional future, take my advice listed below. I’m giving you the recipe for classic Career Limiting Moves, (CLMs). Unfortunately, these moves can have killer consequences. Don’t be stupid.

Arrive Late, Leave Early – Ask for as much time off as you can, especially during busy seasons. Call in sick as many days as they give you. Your co-workers will not mind that they have to pick up the slack. Leave it for someone else to do. Really stick it to them.

Avoid LinkedIn – Even though LinkedIn.com is the largest professional networking site with 200+ million users, it’s a fad. Fight it!!! So what if your competition is doing it; you don’t have time for building your online reputation. Keep your visibility low.

Coast – Get comfortable doing the status quo. Do the minimum and take it easy. Give up on things that require effort. You’re not going anywhere in your career so why bother. You’re stuck here so just ride it out. Who cares that you’re in a dead-end job and you’re not reaching your potential or doing meaningful work – like that’s important. There is no need to advance so avoid taking on additional responsibilities. The job you have is good enough and besides there’s nothing out there for you anyway. Punch in and punch out.

Create Digital Dirt – Impulsively post inappropriate pictures online. Go ahead and circulate those rude jokes and chain letters. Those emails can’t be traced by your employer so you have no worries. Everything on the Internet is private and temporary. It’s not like it is going to stay there forever. Get online and bad mouth your boss and the company. It’s best to use Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn to over-share how much you hate your job. Use Pinterest if you want to share pictures of you wasted at the holiday party. No one reads or looks at that stuff online anyway. It’s not like you’re ever going to need your boss as a future reference. Burn bridges!

Drift – Go without goals and simply take your chances. Hold yourself back and give into your fear of failure. Play it safe by being risk-averse. Procrastinate! You have plenty of time. Decisions are hard to make so just postpone the challenging choices; it’s much easier. You don’t need a professional brand. Confuse people on who you are, what you represent and what you need. Don’t waste time on a polished Elevator Speech. Wing it! The bottom line: be reactive and merely wait until a crisis happens, and then deal with it.

Get Stale – Quit acquiring new skills. Give it up. Don’t even bother to try to learn new things. Keeping up with trends is a waste of time. No one notices that you are staying current and besides you have a job. No need to go outside the comfort zone and take a risk. Ignore pitfalls. Refuse to get help from others. You’re a real talker so if you get an interview don’t prepare. How hard can it be?

Go Negative – Tell people how you really feel. State your hardened opinions about EVERYTHING! No one seems to be bothered by your criticisms. Stay the course and be rigid. See everyone and everything as negative. Meet new challenges with pessimism.

Gossip – Talk incessantly and interrupt. Talk behind people’s backs. It’s fun, and it makes you feel better when you put down others. Yelling and being disrespectful are two ways to get your frustrations out. Look for someone to blame instead of taking responsibility. Take the low road and focus on me, me, me. Being well liked is not necessary for being a team player. Try hard to be a stumbling block to others. Make them suffer and do your work! Tell them, “It’s not my job!!!” Make it a habit of disclosing confidential matters.

Keep Job Hopping- No one is going to notice on your resume that you have had a new job every year for the past seven years.

Let Your Employer Take Care of You – Job security is alive and well. Trade your precious time for dollars. Give them your loyalty and they will take care of you with stability and benefits. Your employer is committed to you. That’s how it works in today’s world.

Look and Feel Old – Let yourself go to pot. Getting adequate sleep, exercise and eating right are just myths. Dress to impress? – like that’s going to make a difference. Keep telling yourself you are not as young as you use to be. Say to yourself, “I’m getting old, and I can’t change.” Repeat over and over, “I’m over the hill.” Self-confidences is way overrated. Project low energy and enthusiasm.

Neglect Your Resume – You can easily remember all the details of your accomplishments over the last ten years, so there is no need to update your resume on an annual basis. Just wait until there is a crisis. You’ll be fine. No one’s going to read your resume anyway. Make sure your resume is three or more pages – the longer, the better. Use font size 8. Skip the proofreading.

Quit – If you hate your job, be impulsive and quit today. You don’t need a back-up plan or have another job lined up before you quit. A job search is a piece of cake. You’ll have a job in no time, probably a few days. Just apply online and watch those offers roll in.

Stop Networking– Building your Circle of Influence is a lot of work, it’s a slow build and you don’t have time for networking. Take the easy way out and double the amount of time you spend applying to jobs online. You don’t even need to talk to anyone. Applying online is guaranteed to generate lots of interviews. Pay no attention to the fact that everyone is doing it. Stop asking people if they know of someone that can open doors for you. Do your best to isolate yourself. Stop passing out your business card. It’s just a waste.