March 06, 2013

When I tell guys that I am a dating coach for Love Systems and that I help men meet and attract women, the first question I usually get is: “What’s your best pick-up line?”

This misses the point a little bit. There’s no such thing as a perfect pick-up line that will get you the girl. All you can do with an opener is start the conversation on the right foot. But there are terrible pick-up lines that guarantee that you won’t get the girl. Stay away from these seven.

She’s at a bar or a party. She’s there to meet people. She’s not at work trying to do a difficult math problem. So just go talk to her.

If you act like you’re bothering her, she is more likely to feel like you’re bothering her. This has broad implications, by the way. Act like she’s attracted to you and she’s more likely to actually be attracted.

In addition, approaching her this way implies that you have a history of women being bothered by your presence.

Be polite, sure. But not apologetic.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #2: “Can I buy you a drink?”

Let me be clear. If you’re already talking to a woman, even for just a minute or two, and you order a drink, it’s polite to offer to get her one too. Especially the first one. But these should never be the first words out of your mouth. If you do that, you’re implying that there needs to be some added bonus for her to want to talk to you. High-value men seldom approach women in this way, so you’ve already ruled yourself out of that category in just your first six words.

Similarly, don’t ever approach a woman offering something cheesy like to show her a magic trick. Don’t be a dancing monkey.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #3: Anything you’ve ever seen on TV

If she thinks you’re just giving her a line, she’s likely to be turned off. (The situation can be saved though – if she does accuse you of delivering a line, then smile and agree with her. Tell her your mom gave it to you and ask how it worked. She’ll laugh, and then change the subject.)

So skip “Do you come here often?” and “Have we met before?” and other cheesier lines. Unless you can deliver them in an ironic tone. If you drop a half-dozen cheesy pick-up lines in a row in a way that shows you’re having fun and amusing yourself and not taking them seriously, she might be amused and think you are a cut above other guys.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #4: “Hey, ladies!”

Women want to be liked for their unique qualities, not just because they happen to be female. If you’re going to be direct, then have a reason why you approached her beyond her gender. E.g., “I saw you from over there and thought you had a really great energy and I’d be kicking myself all day if I didn’t come over to find out what you’re like. My name’s Nick.”

Or, if you’re going to go under-the-radar, then don’t act like a cheesy pick-up artist – a “hi” or “hey guys” will suffice. “Hey ladies” or “hey girls” is not under the radar at all, because you’re clearly conscious of their gender.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #5: Anything over 10 seconds

Being approached by a stranger who then delivers a monologue makes most people feel uncomfortable. Among other things, it violates social conventions. Most women are going to be turned off if the first thing they know about you is that you can be awkward.

Also, people make judgments based on their experience. Most of the time when you’re approached by a stranger with a long monologue, that stranger seems to have mental or psychological issues, or wants something from you. That’s not a good association for a woman to be thinking of when you want her to be attracted to you.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #6: “My friend thinks…”

Really? This isn’t high school. Be a man. If you think a woman is attractive and want to tell her that, go for it. You don’t need an excuse like your friend told you to do it. That’s a big turnoff.

Ditto with your friend. Even if he is attracted to a woman and is too shy to approach her, it’s not going to help if you try to approach her for him. If you really want to set him up, go talk to the woman normally, and introduce him after a couple minutes.

Terrible Pick-Up Line #7: Nothing

You know what they say: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s much better to approach a woman right away, even with a simple “Hi” than it is to skulk around trying to think of a perfect pick-up line.

At Love Systems, we teach men to have three default “openers” that they can use anytime. (Chosen from among the hundreds in the Routines Manual). So when you’re not feeling spontaneous, you have something proven to start the conversation with.

It’s much easier to have to decide what women you want to meet – knowing that you know how to start the conversation – than it is trying to think of something clever on the spot.