Heart To Heart: Where I’m At Right Now

Yesterday I was walking Sid by myself (actually I was dragging him because for some reason he was like, nah, I’m not feeling this at all Mum) and it occurred to me that I haven’t written a personal post in a long time.

I used to only write about my deepest darkest feelings and you guys did seem to love reading them but as times gone on things have changed.

It’s hard not to write about pregnancy because of course I’m pregnant with my first baby so naturally that is a huge part of my life right now. That’s what I love about my blog; there is no niche to it. I can’t promise my blog won’t become a mummy blog but I’d also like to think I can still write about fitness and mini holidays or anything that takes my fancy. Basically I just blog about my life and what’s happening at this very moment in time.

And right now I’m really happy. Life feels pretty content.

However, this blog post has come about because not every day is a breeze and not every day feels like I’m nailing the shit out of life. I still have those days where I look at other people and feel a tiny bit envious of their lives and how well they are doing. I think this is quite common when you are doing your best to stand out from the crowd with an online business. You get swept up in comparing yourself to others and it can be really consuming, not to mention a complete waste of time.

I’ve learnt to try to switch off and focus on me and how well I’m doing but I’d be lying in telling you I’m not scared to be giving up the security of one business to focus solely on my photography. Having a baby whilst also trying to be a complete girl boss is going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I’m sure it will give me lots of things to write about in the future.

But anyway, I’m not here to talk about work. This post is meant to be a personal one about how I’m feeling right now in my life because if you’ve been a reader for the last few years you will know that it’s not been plain sailing. I don’t look back on old posts anymore because they tend to make me cringe but I don’t need an old blog post to remind me how I felt 2 years ago. Lost, anxious and overwhelmed at where I was at that stage in my life. Feeling like I’d somehow been left behind.

And then 2017 rolled in and everything changed. Rich changed. I’ve never been more surprised by a person in all my life to be honest. He has made me more happy than I could ever imagine and even though I’m aware happiness comes from within, his love and support and the way he makes me laugh every day is everything to me. I just know he’s going to be an amazing Dad and I can’t wait to see him hold our little boy in his arms for the first time. Insert heart eye emoji here.

Oh gosh, it’s all getting a bit emotional isn’t it. LOL.

I do still have those days where I panic and think is this it? Will my life now revolve around kids and making dinner and doing the washing? Will I ever make it back to the gym? Will my body be the same again? Will my career now come second to my child?

I watch vloggers living it up at events and jetting off to swanky hotels and the glam of it all makes me feel a bit old. I have to remind myself I’m 10 years older than some of these girls! (I really need to start following women my own age.) We are not in the same stages of life and I remember some of the things I’m glad I did before I was 30 and it makes me happy to know I wasn’t always this boring! Lol.

Not that my life is boring but it’s very settled now and simple. Friday nights are spent curled up on the sofa with Rich watching Stranger Things or in a cosy pub having a quick bite to eat. There are no late nights anymore or dancing till my feet hurt. I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to feel the buzz of being drunk and reckless.

All my friends have children, some have two so it’s pretty rare we get to go out and let our hair down and yet I love socializing and going out for meals so I feel like life can be a bit samey sometimes. I guess I need to get used to it now that I’m expecting a baby though as there ain’t gonna be time for meals out and swanky events that’s for sure! Shit that’s a scary thought.

I guess the point of this blog is to fill you in on where I’m at in my head. Yes life can be a bit dull at times, especially when you’re waiting for a new arrival and you can’t drink alcohol or eat certain foods or wear your best party dress that’s collecting cobwebs in your wardrobe, but it’s also really nice and safe and stable. None of which are particularly exciting terms to describe life but in all honesty I wouldn’t change it for the world.