He’s right about the first bit. Snickers are much nicer. I’ve never cared much for chocolate oranges, though that film with Anthony Burgess wasn’t bad, especially that bit with the high-speed menage-a-trois to the tune of Rossini.

But why the fuck would any responsible newsagent be dispensing real oranges to the great unwashed? Those things are deadly. I once saw a man who’d been hit in the eye with a squash ball, and the impact had forced his eyeball against the lower orbital plate so that it had burst and the eye had sort of dropped down below the socket. One of your Burberry types could wreak havoc with a small, hard object like a citrus fruit.

No, Mr Cameron, you’re clearly a tofu-gobbling pinko and I won’t be voting for you after all.

Like all the Slough brigade, they are fixated with oranges.They stick them in their mouths, half strangle themselves with ladies' nylons, and then jack off to Land of Hope and Glory. He gets my vote, the bean faced knob.