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I'm a coyote that lives in the desert and ordered this product to help catch a pesky roadrunner in the area. It arrived well-packaged and after covering it in tumbleweeds I put a pile of roadrunner pellets under it, as is my custom. In a few moments the roadrunner showed up and started eating the pellets so I turned away and snickered while pointing my thumb in his general direction as if to say, "He has no idea he's about to be disintegrated," but when I did I failed to notice a lynch pin had slipped out and the disintegrator had swung directly over my head. When I turned around, the roadrunner had finished the pellets and was looking at me so I scoweled at him and pushed the "On" button while maintaining eye contact. I was immediately disintegrated into a pile of ashes with two eyes so I minused a star for the loose hingepin. The roadrunner "beep! beep!"-ed at me and disappeared down the road, bending it as he did so and I held up a sign on which I had written: *sigh*. Overall a good disintegrator.

I was thinking of buying a paper shredder recently but I couldn't decide on whether to get a cross-cut or micro-cut model. It seemed to me that a cross-cut shredder would be sufficient for my household's needs (utility bills and check statements mostly), but my husband is only interested in the best. We argued over 8 sheet vs. 15 sheet capacity, auto-reverse functions, digital disc shredding and could never come to an agreement. Imagine my surprise when last night a huge truck appeared at our driveway and off-loaded this magnificent 14,000 pound disintegrator! I just couldn't believe it! Now we don't just shred our sensitive materials, we disintegrate them! Well worth the $127,768.27 and it comes with free shipping! My only complaint is that I have to wear goggles and headphones while operating the Datastroyer. Oh, yes....I don't recommend this product for households with small children, pets, or the elderly and the infirm.

I am writing this review to express my total satisfaction with this disintegrator, apparently.

You see, what the company doesn't tell you (even in the fine print, trade secrets and all that) is that this device actually removes the offending item from reality. When you place a document/disc/anything in to the disintegrator, it doesn't simple get shredded in to a fine pulpy mess, it is obliterated from existence....from the timeline. It's as if the offending item never existed at all. You won't even be left with the memory of using the disintegrator to obliterate whatever it was you wanted destroyed.

I'm not sure if I've really ever used the device myself. Maybe I have. I really have know way of knowing because of the way the machine operates. Come to think of it, mine looks brand new. Will it always look brand new? I mean, if it obliterates whatever I throw in to it from the timeline, then whatever I threw in to it will never have existed to begin with and therefore won't be there to be thrown in to the machine and cause wear and tear. If I throw myself in to the machine, will I ever have existed to purchase it?

Impressive, a machine that destroys things by making you question their very existence. A machine that destroys things by trapping them in a paradox wherein they disappear in a puff of logic.

I purchased this shredder on a whim - I had some extra coin and a need for a new shredder. My previous one finally broke when I attempted to shred my Black American Express bill and I had forgotten to separate the pages into 10 sheet groups. When the Wells Fargo Wagon driver and bearers brought the Datastroyer to my front door - complaining about incipient hernias or some such - I was able to persuade the four carriers to stay and put the thing together. What they don't tell you in the product description is that for your excessive payment, you receive a shredder that has more moving parts than a Ferris wheel and needs about as much space to operate in. Thank heavens my house has an extra "gift wrapping" room in which I was able to install this bad boy.

Okay, so how does it work? Quite well, actually. Since my previous shredder had died - or committed suicide, I don't know - my bills and other papers had been piling up and threatened to overflow my once-neat home office. The producers of that show on reality TV about hoarders could have filmed a whole series on my home office. So, to work I went. I put more than 3000lbs of mostly-heavy bond paper through the Datastroyer. It ate it up without a burp. Then, since the room was looking so neat and clean that I could actually see the furniture and artwork, I realised that I didn't really like any of the old furniture anymore. I wanted to buy new pieces, so I started to put the old ones in the Datastroyer. The desk - an old partner's desk -, the chairs, the tables, the lamps, even the couch on which I had "initiated" new household employes like the butler and the second gardener. All fit in the Datastroyer.

When the room was totally empty of old things, now compactly compacted, I started on some adjacent rooms.Read more ›