Audioccult Vol. 124: Gluten Tag

Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your arms above your head and slowly, gently, exhale your soul. You won’t need it here. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to get low. Illustration: SHALTMIRA

Do you remember the first time you were afraid for the future? Do you recall the passion of panic, the need to pummel your brain with norepinephrine in speculation ejaculation? The subtleties of control that perceived masters flex in our spirits is a strong motivator toward the following:

☺ ARROGANCE

☺ FEAR

☺ HATRED

☺ brEAD :0(

How do we exorcise self-afflictions like the alien hand syndrome that causes the man on the train to bite his fingers in frustration, the Google autocompletes that make fun of me for not seeing enough TED talks, and the fact that Photobooth pics naturally come out mirror-style, which reveals a covert philo-political company statement regarding society and human ego? It is also worth noting that the flu vaccination is a lie. Don’t wash your hands.

Think about the amount of mind-altering food we consume on a daily basis. The word “bio” is short for “biochemical,” and we snatch up each bio-branded item with greedy gusto. Before my Awaking, I too was a victim of Big Bio, purchasing huge organic* loaves and collecting edible mind control. I’d say, “Stack that sandwich up,” a phrase that doesn’t impress the neighbors much when you shriek it repeatedly at night. Now I’ve thrown out my GIVE ME BREAD TIL I’M DEAD shirt and commenced a gluten-free life, but I still wake up sometimes with crumbs in my bed, thus proving their control is ingrained into my very DNA…

If you read my thesis THE COMPLEX LIFE OF CONSPIRATORIAL MEMES (all caps, search results won’t return properly if not), and if you ignore the fact that it’s written on the Matrix Blu-ray box (you shouldn’t, because that’s a whole other level of biting social commentary, and if you’re not in the mood for serious social debate you shouldn’t be reading it in the first place), then you’ll have learned some of the truths I learned in 2001. After writing an intensive letter to Bryan Cranston regarding his work on Malcolm In The Middle, I received a response that kindly thanked me and talked a bit about acting. The only question that remains is: How is he projecting his thoughts and desires into my mind? The wind blows another Blondie comic strip into my window, parading Dagwood’s disgusting sandwich fetishism across my mindscape. “Stack that sandwich up” he whispers, dribbling ancient ink. I begin to cry, swallowing microscopic nanites as the first four seasons of Malcom begin to playon high-def DVD.~

*The word “organic” comes from the Greek “organon,” whose root words “erg” means “work,” which is conceptually related to the word “tool,” which is what they‘re turning us into and also a band I listen to in order to discover a lot of hidden secrets