My Favorite, Funniest Jokes of All Time.

1. A woman got on a bus with her baby. The bus driver said to her ”Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman then walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming mad. She says to a man next to her: ”The driver just insulted me!” The man says: ”You go up there and tell him how you feel. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

2. I went to a zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

3. What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!

4. A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ”Shut up…you’re next!”

5. Yo momma’s so fat and old when God said, “Let there be light,” he asked your mother to move out of the way.

6. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”

7. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, track it down and kill it.

8. Yo mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin’ Donuts was a basketball team.

9. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason.

10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ”Pint please, and one for the road.”