"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." (Woody Allen)

"I had to live many years, and, after many trials and tribulations, I have come to the conclusion that the best thing [in life] is ... blonde 12-year-old girls. Two of them, whenever possible." (Woody Allen, Love and Death)

"I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats." (Woody Allen, in regard to the KKK)