The Quantum AnglerHe never gets Bohred of fishing.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Catchy-named video disc format makes cunning move

In a last-ditch effort to overturn Blu-Ray's apparent victory in the high-definition wars, Toshiba today released a new version of its HD-DVD format. Along with an increased data capacity, the "d" version of the disc also features Toshiba's new High-Definition Deluxe (HDD) codec. The company hopes the new HDD-DVD(d) discs will revive their troubled fortunes. "The problem was that we just didn't cram enough features into the HD-DVD" the project's lead designer told the QA. However, he declined to comment on suggestions that the name Blu-Ray just sounded cooler.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

A rare example of inter-species cooperation has been discovered in the Congo by a team of biologists. A diverse range of jungle species were observed working together to produce a juice which provides their primary source of nutrition.

Local legend holds that the animals regularly come together and use their many specific talents to harvest a variety of tropical fruits to make the juice, however this is the first scientific confirmation of the behaviour. In the UK, this popular tropical juice drink was generally thought to be produced by a well-known soft drinks manufacturer. However, this discovery reveals that it is in fact made in the jungle by a group of friendly animals.

To find the animals, the researchers had to journey way down deep in the middle of the Congo, where they observed Pythons picking passion fruit, alongside Marmosets foraging for mandarins. The behaviour was captured in this remarkable footage. The whole operation appears to be loosely coordinated by a hippo, which combines the fruit to make the juice. One theory is that the hippos use their immense weight to squash the fruit and extract the juice, before a parrot packages it to be sold on for profit.

The drink has apparently become a big hit in the jungle. "From our observations" said the lead researcher, "we conclude that they all prefer the sunny, funny one they call Um Bongo".

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Clean bathroom unveiled

A large crowd gathered in Southfields today to witness the unveiling of the newly refurbished Wimbledon Park Road upstairs bathroom. The bathroom was officially re-opened by none other than popular music star George Michael.

The bathroom in Southfields has been the subject of a painstaking restoration to return it to its original 2007 style. Despite being partly responsible for its state of disrepair, Simon Chard has done sterling work renovating the bathroom. Sponsors of the project, Mr Muscle issued a statement praising Simon's "unending commitment" to the restoration that is said to have taken a full hour of his Sunday.

Archaeologists studying early 21st century sanitation have been stunned by the discovery that the bathroom tiles were originally white. "You would never have known" said Prof. LaTrine of the Swindon institute for toilet studies.

Speaking to the press after taking the first official dump, George Michael said the bathroom had been "spotless" and described it as "the kind of place I'd love to hang out in".