Making A Joyful Noise

Dear Washing Machine

First, we would like to express how much you mean to us. You have been a very important part of our family for the past year. We have admired and relied upon your amazing skills, which have made such a difference to our quality of life. I apologize personally if I have not expressed my gratitude enough for all that you do. You are truly invaluable to our family.

I understand that you feel a vacation would be nice, however doing so right now is bad timing. I freely admit that I have procrastinated using your services, and therefore currently require you to work overtime. However, considering that I gave you an extended rest prior to today, I think that your current workload is reasonable. You may also be assured that based upon my habits, more R&R is imminent.

We request that you please resume your SPIN CYCLE effective immediately. This will be greatly appreciated. Forcing us to wring out each item at the completion of the wash cycle is unreasonable. It has proved highly stressful, and is causing great disruption to our lives. We remind you of this [liberally paraphrased] scriptural promise:

As such a valued team member, we simply cannot afford to lose you. We do not desire to frequent the laundromat, nor invest in a specialist to analyze your work habits. We certainly would grieve if forced to find a replacement.

We thank you in advance for considering our situation, and choosing to lengthen your stride in this time of need. We look forward to enjoying a long and bright future in our partnership together. Thank you for helping us fulfill the Lord’s command, to: