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Wednesday, 7 September 2016

RELATIONSHIP: Here's What I Think About Being A Side-chick

Yep! I've been a side-chick for a while now. And now that I'm certified, I guess it's time to move on with my life. *shrugs*

The Side Chick Tag

Men can be so sweet. They are very enticing and can lure us in with their smooth talk. They sell dreams that money can't even buy. But, jeez! Why do those dreams sound so good? :(

And so we get hooked, not even realizing our position in their life.

I'm yet to decide which position is even better - being the side chick and knowing your boo has a girlfriend OR being the girlfriend and knowing your boo has a side chick? (I prefer to use "boo" instead of "partner" for this kind of thing).

A side chick is commonly known as a woman that’s involved with a man who is in a committed relationship (with his girlfriend). The side chick is the woman he figuratively picks up "by the way side" on his way to the final destination.

Sadly, after going through some self-reflecting exercise, I realize I've worn both shoes - the GIRLFRIEND and the SIDE CHICK.

I am so sure I'm not the only one who's had the experience of being in both shoes.

As a girlfriend, I'm like; "He is mine. I'm the one he loves. He will get bored of that girl in no time."

There we go making excuses for him because we know we'll always be around no matter what.

As a side chick, I'm like; "Well, he said there is nothing serious going on between them. He is close to her because . . . "

There we go believing the million lies he says to have his way.

Whichever way you look at these two positions, it is foolish. It is not because the men are deceivers, it's plainly because we, ladies decide what we get. Think about it, we are so quick to label men as dogs but we accept their doggish behaviour by putting up with their lies.

Looking back at what went down, I was . . . so dumb and foolish!

Having that "it's just a phase, he will come back to me." attitude (or should I call it feeling?) for days, weeks, months is stupid. How dumb can we ever get? No man is ever going to change what we have already accepted - Him being there when it's convenient for him or being distant when you need him.

I wish I knew then what I know now: A man who really wants to be with you will find EVERY REASON to be with you. A man who does not want to be with you will find EVERY EXCUSE why he can’t be with you.

The side chick is NOT A WISE position to be in - whether you know or not that he has a girlfriend.

I've heard of side chicks who were "promoted" to becoming brides, but that's a big risk to take. Girl, you gotta know what you are doing and what your position is . . . on time!

I'm not talking about being a side-chick to a married man, that's a no-no. You should not even think of that! Put yourself in the shoes of the wife, ask yourself "what if that was me" and see how wrong that is.

Besides, dating a married man is an un-holy thing to do. We must follow the Lord according to what He says is right. Neither society nor false representatives of God, sets our standards of what’s right, God does. Alright?

Moving on . . .

Sharing from personal experience, you might be wearing the side chick tag longer than you think (even after he tells you he will change, that he loves you and the other girl meant nothing). Then you stay stuck with him believing you've got it all covered. Before your very pretty eyes blink, just when you thought things were working out to your favour, there goes the news flash!

Ding dong! He's no longer yours.

In the end, your heart will break!

See, stop giving away so much of you that you end up with nothing for yourself. Better yet, stop giving away so much that a man has nothing else to work for. You’d be an emotional wreck.

From the moment Boy (I'd rather call him that) and I met, we immediately clicked. I could talk to him about anything. We would laugh and joke on the phone for hours and help each other out. He was so supportive, encouraging, and respectful. We had such a beautiful and strong friendship. I was attracted to his mind, personality, and character. However, it was the magnetic chemistry and connection we had that made me fall for him.

For people who say you can’t help who you fall in love with, it is a big fat lie. The bible addresses this by giving us a warning: "guard your heart". It’s impossible to guard your heart when you’re always giving it away.

I think it’s beautiful that God created us to be nurturers and emotional. However, we are too quick to give away our time, body, money, and emotions to men who have not EARNED it. Though I never had sex with Boy, but I gave him way too much of my time and emotions even after he expressed to me that he did not want a relationship. See where I bought the side chick tag?

That said, we are in control of who we give our heart to; whether the relationship is created bylust/sin or by two Bible-believing, tongue-speaking Christians who choose to wait till marriage for sex. Let us guard our heart!

It's really a hard pill to swallow to let go of someone you invested your time, built up all these emotions with and talked about the future with. It is harrrrrrd!

But here is the truth:

The longer you stay as a side-chick, the harder it would be for you toLET GO.

Are you a side chick? Let go already.

Sweetheart, if you ever find yourself competing for a man's attention and time, then you might need to step back and evaluate the position you are in. It's YOUR CHOICE to decide if it's worth the fight.

I don't know why I'm always giving the benefit of the doubt to men. I cried over Mr. Man and grieved over Boy. What a waste of time and effort!

Why do ladies step out of character for men? Why do ladies cry and fight over men? When was the last time you saw a guy cry over you? Never!

(Oh, I just remembered the guy who cried to be my boyfriend in SS3. A story for another day. Lol)

But seriously, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we forget our worth?

You may need a breather from your relationship, to find your worth! You are powerful, it's just that you keep letting your feelings get the best of you and your time get abused.

Put away the side chick tag and get the respect you deserve.

Remember this lady:

No man never stays where he doesn't want to be!

And like one popular music artiste will say:

"Love is a beautiful thing, don't get it twisted!"

P.S Apologies to the guys who read my blog. Lol. You know I got your back. Right? (How To Know She Likes You). Cooking something for you soon.

Let's Discuss: To the ladies: Being the side chick and knowing your boo has a girlfriend OR being the girlfriend and knowing your boo has a side chick - which is better?To the guys: Can you honestly tell your girlfriend that you have a side chick?