The online ad read: Black Man 6’2” 195lbs, athletic, hung, versatile, and not into games. There was also a picture of his finely chiseled torso showing just enough pubic hair to peek one’s interest in what he professed regarding his endowment. That’s usually all many people need to know before wanting to get to know this brother. With an image like that fed into your mind, you may think, “That’s the man of my dreams!” But my question for you is: What about this description that has helped you come to the conclusion that this is the man of your dreams? Is it the athletic Mandingo like physique? Is it the no-nonsense attitude he alluded to? Or perhaps was it your curious imagination wondering about his sexual prowess?

If you answered any of those questions, he very well could be the man of your dreams or he could be your biggest nightmare. Not one attribute in his ad describes his intelligence, his ability to make a living, or even what qualifies him to be that man of your dreams. If you’re just looking for someone to experience a sexual rendezvous with, then he could be your guy. On the other hand, maybe he’s interested in something more substantial. Who knows? But it’s up to you to find out.

This man, who provided very little information and only a physical description of himself, amazingly has captured the desire in you to strategically pursue him through cyberspace. You may all of sudden feel a premature instinct that he could be “the one.” This instinct that captures people is the same instinct producing phenomenon that is invoked while gambling. Many people, relying on intuition, feel certain that a particular slot machine is going to give them that lucrative pay off. So they give that slot machine all their attention and gamble with uncertainty, driven by the feeling of a sure thing or a foolhardy possibility. The internet dating game is treated the same way. It’s all a game of chance. You could get just what you’re looking for or you could come out of the whole ordeal empty-handed.

At times, people tend to believe that the pictures they view and the descriptions they read on internet dating profiles are exactly what they seek. But this isn’t always the case. Some pictures and profiles are real and others are artificial. But because many people have fantasies that they want manifested, and want to believe in the possibility, they take the chance of sending the owner of that profile a message. This could turn out to be a wonderful connection or a disastrous association, so I suggest approaching this type of situation knowing exactly what you want and to use prudent discernment.

For any opportunity such as this to work in your favor, it is imperative that you are certain about your standards, and to not settle for less. Just like anything else in life that you strive for, it is always useful to make a list of goals or wants. Try listing everything that you prefer in a potential paramour to use as a checklist. Then use that list to form pertinent questions. Since the internet allows one to converse without the fear of in-person embarrassment, take advantage of this by asking every question that comes to mind. This practice will help you assess if this is a potential mate or a booty call. One of the great advantages of the internet is that it has become a great tool for getting to know a potential date right from your own home. It’s more difficult for some people to interview a date in person, so why not use the internet to mentally get to know who you are talking to before you’re physically entangled with them?

Who exactly is your 6’2” Adonis? Be careful because he may be an expert at answering questions with disingenuous answers, which are usually the right answers that most desire to hear. But those type of answers come only with the intention of getting into your pants. If that’s not what you want, craft your interview questions accordingly and discern his answers keenly.

Does all of this seem complicated and full of twist and turns? Well you’re right and that’s life! As long as you know what you want, then you’ll be able to handle anything that comes your way. Remember you are not only responsible for your actions, but also for how you handle situations. My advice is simple: Do what’s best for you, but do it wisely. After all, you can’t possibly know this guy well enough after only a few internet conversations. Therefore, take your time to get to know him, and you’ll discover whether or not the potential of being romantically involved with him is destiny.

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Sidebar Report

COREY delivers a defly written post entitled Audacity of Change regarding his feelings about Obama becoming our president. Check it out at his blog, I'll Keep You Posted.

December 17, 2008

QIANA MARTIN,DREAM FULFILLER

One of the most thoughtful and spiritually grounded people I know, Qiana Martin took a risk and jumped on an opportunity to go to Brazil to fulfill a dream many would be fearful to try. In these profoundly dreary economic times, quitting a job at a prestigious law firm to pursue a passion is rare and courageous. Read her story here.

December 16, 2008

MARCOS LUIS,THE ART OF GIVING

My buddy, Marcos Luis, runs an Open Mic Showcase in Alphabet City, and he's being featured in an online blog called NewYorkNightsOnline.com. He's a really special person who wants nothing but to give back to the artistic community. Check out the article here.

December 8, 2008

CLEO MANAGO,LEADING MAN

Acitivist, Cleo Manago is honored as a 2008 Leading Man in Instinct Magazine.

Odetta, the singer whose deep voice wove together the strongest songs of American folk music and became an accompaniment to the black-and-white images of the freedom marchers who walked the roads of Alabama and Mississippi and the boulevards of Washington in quest of an end to racial discrimination, died on Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2008 at the age of 77. Read more.