Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Having been a stay-at-home-mum and a working mum, I can safely say I have experienced both sides of the coin.

I was not a natural stay at home mum and when I went back to work I found it a relief to have some time to be "me" again. But this didn't come without its own issues, and sometimes I do wonder if I'm making the right decision by getting up at 6am and driving my daughter either to my Mum's or to nursery. And other times I'm thanking God that I'm dropping her off somewhere else (come on, we all have those days!).

But even though overall I love having a job and being a parent, here are six things I think - and I bet every other working mum does too:

This one is the biggest, be it missing a big first, or when your little one is poorly, sometimes you would kill to have the day at home with the kids. When the weather is terrible and you have to de-ice the car or dig yourself out of the snow, or if it is just lovely and you wish you could play in the garden with the littlies, then you wonder whether you've made the right choice in being a working mum.

Sometimes after a truly terrible night and the little one has been awake every hour, or maybe you weren't sleeping well because of work issues, sometimes you're just so tired you wish you could stay at home and have a cozy day. This is usually quickly forgotten at 7am following the 19th row of the day between the toddler and the baby.

Being a working mum means you have to do all your mum stuff in the evening or during the weekends, so this doesn't leave much time for anything else. Of course, many of us have partners who do their fair share, but once you've got home and got your bits and bobs sorted its bedtime... that hot soak in the bath is long forgotten.

You often get a pang of mum guilt. You probably don't have a choice to go to work, but even though you know this has to be the way it is, you still feel guilty. That cry of "MUMMMMY" when you hand them over at nursery sits with you all day and makes you want to tell the boss you're quitting - effective immediately.

This is the difficult one if you have no choice to work, but you still wish you could stay at home sometimes. For those mums who choose to work, then you'll get a bit of self-doubt every now and again. It's nothing to be ashamed of to WANT to work, after all, you were "you" before you became "mum". Having some time to talk to grown-ups and remember "pre-child" normality is absolutely fine, don't beat yourself up about your choice.

For the days that are most challenging, you are relieved to hand them to Grandma. Maybe it's the 13th cry for raisins before you've even reached the car, or the refusal to wear that exact pair of socks you had ready for getting them dressed, sometimes you're thanking your lucky stars you have eight hours until you go home... hopefully, the tantrums will have blown over by then!

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

When I was a teenager, I loved to go "out-out" and have a girlie night with my friends. Every weekend would be filled with arrangements, going shopping or meeting for lunch, and always a trip out to have a coffee somewhere. I had a rule where I had to do SOMETHING every day, otherwise, in my mind, it was a waste.

Along with working full-time, you could say my calendar was always full. I never wanted to miss out on anything and had FOMO (fear of missing out) all the time.

Then my daughter came along, and life was turned upside down. The weekends started off having no plans at all, definitely not drinks out on a Saturday evening, the thought of a 5am wake up with a hangover was enough to make me teetotal.

We couldn't be sure if we would even get out of the house with all the stuff you have to do before opening the front door, and sometimes we were still in our pyjamas at 5pm.

My previous, younger self would've been horrified. I saw my friends less and less often as their lives were different to mine now, and started getting to know a whole new group of fellow mums. This new lifestyle meant I was getting into bed at 9pm and most of my texts were sent at 5.47am as I rocked the Moses basket and begged for a bit more sleep. Not exactly the social calendar I was keeping before.

But do you know what? I don't care.

Yep my FOMO has officially left the building.

I have given up on the horrible feeling I'm missing out, that pit of your stomach sadness that something is going on and you should be there experiencing it.

I started declining invites out in favour of a night in front of the telly with a hot chocolate and Real Housewives. I even started to regret making plans due to the fact I would then miss out on my night on the sofa. I'd feel remorseful that I'd be going to bed late and knowing that the wake up next morning would be all the more painful.

My weekends are now simple, with no set arrangements and only the occasional shopping trip (that needs to be arranged about a month in advance so as to make sure childcare is sorted).

And I love it. It's so much nicer saying screw you to society's FOMO.

Now I have my own little family, the honest truth is I'm not missing out as these lazy days are the ones that make the memories. Having a cosy night in is way more comfortable than donning a pair of high heels and the cuddles are way better from your toddler than your mate (sorry not sorry).

Sometimes I do wish I could watch something other than Peppa or My Little Pony, but I know these days are short and before I know it I'll be mum's taxi going to pick her up feeding into my daughter's fear of missing out!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

When you're a mum you run the risk of eating when you can, and often find yourself eating up your child's leftovers. On top of that it's no uncommon to end up hiding in the loo snaffling a Twix whilst Hey Duggee babysits your children for 10 minutes peace.

I have fallen foul of this and in the early days of motherhood, I think I existed on coffee, chocolate and cake. I was just too tired to cook a proper meal and we turned to takeaways to numb the sting of sleep-deprivation.

This has, of course, taken a toll on my waistline. To the point that I hate looking at myself in the mirror as the person looking back is double the size of the image I see of myself in my mind. I am buying clothes in sizes I've never had to get before and it's driving me crazy.

I truly believe you should celebrate your "mum-tum" and your post-baby body because it won't be the same as your body was as a 16-year-old with a boob tube on in Spain with a braid in your hair.

Me before children. Size 8 and could eat anything I wanted.

I have really tried. I have spent 2 and a half years trying to accept there is just more of me now and that there is nothing wrong with having a bit of a jelly belly and a big bum. But I can't, I can't stand it, and I've decided I need to pull my finger out and lose some weight. I'm going to (positive mental attitude) lose two and a half stone. Yes, I am. I've said it now, so it has to happen.

So this year I am going to do Weight Watchers and lose the weight in a healthy way, no starving myself or fad diets. Because when this weight is gone, it's staying off. I've tried Slimming World before and found it good, but it didn't suit me. So I'm trying the new Weight Watchers Flex plan where you have extra points over the week to give you a buffer if you cheat. My worst feature is my zero willpower.

If I'm a bit hungry I end up eating biscuits regardless of being on a diet or not. So my aim is to fill my tummy with healthy fruit, veg and low points foods, and removing temptation from home and work. Another one of my worst features is if I cheat I abandon the diet altogether for the week, branding it a write-off and then filling my face with chocolate. The great thing is now I know if I do have a bad day, the weekly points will take the edge off the naughtiness.

So have you got a New Year's resolution? I hate that term, why should we start something on 1st January? That's the most depressing time of the year, Christmas has gone and the nights are dark and cold. Not exactly great for your morale when you're trying to eat a salad.

But I am doing it this year, will you make a resolution with me? We can do it together, after all, strength is better in numbers.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

So the festive season is here and it is the most magical time of the year. One thing you can't deny is that it's much more special with children around. Father Christmas is getting his sleigh ready for the trip on Christmas Eve and the elf has moved in causing havoc each and every day. But aside from the joy and love that is the Chrimbo spirit, there is a darker undertone, the side of Xmas that only a parent with a toddler can experience...

Yep, gone are the days where your parents are the ones stuck in the kitchen from 8am. Now it's your turn to do the Christmas dinner so you end up spending all day tending to the sprouts rather than laughing and enjoying your family time.

Not only will you be trudging through to the dining table more than a million times (as though it feels) to carry it all through; your dinner will be cold as you're tending to the wayward toddler who will not eat their turkey, even though the turkey dinosaurs are fine for the rest of the year.

You spend hours online picking the best most educational present you can find and without fail, it will be tossed aside for the box. Every time.

Yep, not only did Santa bring all the presents, he brought that bloomin' box too!

For the bigger toddlers, they think Santa will bring anything and everything. It's a difficult discussion when you have to tell them Mummy and Daddy pay Father Christmas for the presents, so they won't be getting the £500 toddler-sized Range Rover they saw in the catalogue last week.

And if it isn't a "Power Wheels" car it is the ONE toy that no one has gotten hold of since September. You know that Santa works magic, so that midnight trip is inevitable when someone posts a shout out on Facebook, and you will use force if necessary!

You get to the supermarket and see that they only have orange and blue left so make an emergency decision, only for them to say that only the pink one would do, on Christmas morning.

Yep that big man works magic and they don't understand why a monkey, or a guinea pig, or a llama is an impractical present. Another little chat, like the power wheels one, is approaching fast. Get your empty cardboard box ready!

So you found the Fingerlings, bought a remote controlled Range Rover, and found a monkey adoption programme at your local zoo, only for them to say on Christmas Eve they desperately wanted a Hatchimal.

Your mum did it, so goddamit, you're going to do it too. Just as you step through the door, the floorboards creek and they stir. ABORT MISSION, and try again in another two hours.

You're regretting that bottle from last night now. You placed the stocking on their bed at 3.30am and finally fall into bed after basting the Turkey for the fourth time. Just half an hour later they wake in an excited frenzy seeing that he's been. It's going to be a long day.

Once you make it to lunch time (but it clearly feels like dinner time you've been up so long) you get to open your gifts, to find smellies from last year's sale and a mug that says "yummy mummy" on it. Once upon a time you actually got a computer for Christmas, what happened to those days?

It is a small achievement to be able to snaffle the food before they wake up in the morning but you know even with no sleep and a last minute Christmas list change from the little-one, it's going to be a magical day.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Being pregnant can go one of two ways, option 1: glowing with a lovely bump, treating your body as a temple and then birthing your baby in exactly the way you wanted to. Or option 2: feeling sick from day one, no glowing just sweating, the bump looking like you're having quadruplets, a craving for McDonald's milkshakes you just can't satisfy, followed by a birth that couldn't have been further away from the plan if it tried.

I was very much the latter, and to this day I still remember the feeling after I'd given birth and didn't have the energy to stand in the shower. But regardless of how your pregnancy was, or how your baby was born, you just can't deny that pregnancy was awesome AF. Here are a few reasons why.

1. Sperm meets egg

When you got pregnant it was the chance of a lifetime that that healthy sperm met your egg at exactly the right moment in your cycle, and then made it's way to your uterus where it bedded in for the next nine months. It really is astounding to think of the journey the sperm went through to find your egg, it's more than a marathon; it's said to be relative to the distance of a person swimming from the west coast of America to Tahiti.

2. It's all down to hormones

Your hormones are all over the place, but one thing for sure is they know what they're doing. Whether it's the human Chorionic Gonadotrophin (hCG), progesterone playing havoc with your stomach or prostaglandins making the changes to put you into labour; one thing's for sure - your hormones do the work that you never knew needed doing.

3. Is your heart beating baby?

The heart starts to beat around week 6 and at that point it's a chemical reaction, but what that leads to is a fully functioning fetus as the weeks go past and all the groundwork is laid for the organs and blood circulation. How does your body know what to develop next? That's something that I will never get my head around.

4. Placenta - the queen of organs

This doesn't really need an introduction as it is the most amazing organ I know... yeah I get that they're all pretty important, but this is the only one that can keep a baby alive from week 12 of pregnancy until their introduction into the outside world. Without this wonderful thing, pregnancies wouldn't continue, and it works harmoniously with mum. The fetus' blood supply comes within a cell membrane of mum's blood to pass on the oxygen and get rid of the carbon dioxide.

5. What gets you going?

We don't know what triggers labour, we know which hormones make you have contractions and dilate your cervix, but we don't know what exactly triggers them to be produced by the motherload to start off your labour.

6. Boobies - the amazing duo

These beautiful mammaries are awesome AF. When your baby arrives these step up to the mark and start changing to produce exactly what your newborn needs to be healthy and grow. Those hormones play a big part again, but it's your boobies that take over where your placenta left off.

Isn't pregnancy amazing? It's probably the biggest change your body will ever go through, so even if it feels like it sucks, or if you're loving "the glow", take a moment to appreciate quite how amazing you are, Mummy!

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

I'm no saint when it comes to being a mum, and I'm the first to admit that it isn't my natural calling.

I LOVE my daughter, of course I do, but I don't love some of the aspects of day to day motherhood. It didn't really go off to the best start when I quickly fell into a deep postnatal depression after my daughter arrived.

It was quick and immediate. The first few days I was in that euphoric endorphin filled haze of springing out of bed at 3 am as it was just the best thing in the world being a real-life mummy. Then on day four the baby blues came, it snowballed into something much more sinister and serious.

I'll give full disclosure and tell you that I had been depressed before. I struggled in my late teens and early 20s but had a period of good health for a few years. So as soon as the "black dog" hit (as they call it), I knew straight away that this was going to be a difficult period to get through.

I suffered for nearly 18 months with crippling depression after the birth. The kind that made me feel sick to my stomach, no-hope on the horizon or joy in anything, even with my beautiful baby girl around. I needed assistance as I couldn't handle being on my own with my daughter, the anxiety with her crying and the thought I may not be able to stop it had me calling my husband at work and him running to the car to get home on many occasions. Sometimes I would feel so anxious about such silly stuff that I would lie awake with palpitations for hours.

I remember thinking many times that my daughter would be better off if I wasn't her mother and even thought everyone would be better off if I wasn't around. Something that broke my husband's heart when I admitted how bad I felt.

For me, the only way I got better was with medication, and it took a long while to get the balance right. The medication didn't make me happy, it wasn't a cocktail of "happy pills", but it gave me headspace to take the extreme emotions out of the equation. Slowly I got better and bit by bit I built a bond with my daughter, forged through the pain of postnatal depression.

It was slow and at times, felt impossible to have a bond with her like the other mums I'd seen. I swore for almost 18 months it was too late, and that the damage had been done.

But it wasn't. Day by day I slowly got to know my daughter without the pain, and she got to know her mummy without the illness that had consumed her for so long. And now I am well, I'm still on the medication, but have such an amazing relationship with her.

One day she may find out how ill I was, but she will know that her Mummy fought against every fibre of her being to get through the suffering and be the mum she deserved, and because of that, I am a good mum, even if I'm not a saint.

If you've had your baby and feeling low, talk to your GP, health visitor or midwife.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.
Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

]]>https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/mum-affected-mental-health/feed/2Why being a Stay-At-Home-Parent just wasn't for mehttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/stay-home-parent-just-wasnt/
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/stay-home-parent-just-wasnt/#commentsWed, 01 Nov 2017 09:51:29 +0000https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/?post_type=mum_stories&p=185735Read more »]]>

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

All my life, up until I had my daughter, I wanted to be a stay-at-home Mum. I daydreamed of the day I finished work and knew my job would be 'a mum' for the next few years. Maybe I'd dip my toe back into part-time work once the kiddies were at school, maybe!

When I finished work for maternity leave the plan was to have 14 months off (with a bit of annual leave) and the thought of having all that time off was delightful, the feeling was one that I had never had before. I felt incredibly lucky to be able to take all that time to raise our baby and be the mum I always dreamed.

Once I had given birth the first few months were a blur. In a muddle of endless sleepless nights, feeding and nappies; "Feed, burp, change, repeat" was my mantra. About four to five months in, I started to return to the world of the living. I managed to get myself together and be out of the house with my baby and do "normal" things. This was the golden era of the maternity leave.

But I felt like I was missing something, I found it incredibly difficult to transition from being a "midwife" to a mum. Being a midwife was difficult to transfer to motherhood, I think because I really struggled with losing my identity. I also struggled with the demands that being a full-time mum meant. I never had a moment to myself, the days (to me) seemed endless and monotonous, I actually didn't enjoy being a stay-at-home mum.

I found although I didn't want to go back to work in theory, in practice I knew I needed to. At the end of the 15 months, I ended up changing my job and, luckily, negotiated part-time hours with ease (which is something I know parents struggle with).

I started a new routine and worked three days a week, looking after my daughter on the days off.

And it was the best decision I made. Not just for me, but for my girlie too. The time I spend with her now is concentrated and special. I don't have to find activities to fill a whole week, but just two days. I genuinely enjoy the time I spend with her and don't find it endless or anxiety-inducing (which it most definitely was when I was at home all the time). I know for some, being a stay-at-home mum is the dream, and it was for me, but actually being a working-mum is the way that works best for my family and has turned out to be the making of me as a mum.

Mamas, you have to do what you need to be happy, if that's staying at home, then stay at home, if it's going out to work, then do it! Your child needs to be a happy mum, not a mum that does what she has to scrape through.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

This is one of those things that keeps on rolling around, again and again... body shaming. If it isn't people shaming plus size women or size zero women, then it is something I find even worse - post-baby body shaming

Body shaming by any method is totally unacceptable, but hating on a mum possibly days or weeks after giving birth, when they are the most vulnerable is just disgusting.

In fact, body shaming a mum for her shape post-baby at ANY point is just terrible. Yes, I am going to wheel out the old cliches that she has grown a human being, and stretch marks are badges of honour, but that's not what I am going to focus on... oh no, I am going to talk about the women that are bucking the trend and laughing in the face of the trolls.

Just this week a lady went viral about her body just hours after giving birth. Elise asked her photo to be taken when she still had her bump and was at her most unguarded and it's, quite frankly, stunning:

I remember the feeling so well as I sat on the shower seat, just hours after giving birth. When I saw this picture on my feed it got me thinking, who else champions a natural look after birth, and I ended up finding loads of people that are proud of what their baby gave them!

Have you seen this article about YouTuber mum Anna Saccone and how she got into her pre-baby jeans just four weeks after giving birth? Well, it wasn't all it seemed, and in fact, she didn't actually get into her jeans at all, she used a hair bobble to attach the top button!

Bloggers out there like Riona O'Connor and Tova Leigh are celebrating their mum tums, and do you know what, I am too. I have tried dieting since my daughter was born two years ago but I've really struggled to get rid of the baby weight. I've tried Slimming World and calorie counting to name a couple, and I just can't get rid of the baby bulge.

But that's OK!

Mums and mums-to-be reading this - it really doesn't matter! You HAVE grown a human and you have to look after that human as well. Sometimes only eating diet foods really doesn't touch the spot with the night feeds and endless hours of play and looking after you need to do to keep your mini-human alive. When you've been up all night, cake is sometimes the only thing you fancy.

I'm not promoting obesity, but as a midwife, I hear all the time about how to lose the baby weight, and midwives' orders are - don't sweat it, bask in the joys of being a mum and soak up the time while your child is little because making organic quinoa just isn't as important.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Do you know why midwives dread September?

The Christmas pregnancies. Yep, it's almost nine months since Christmas Day and so all the people doing "the naughty" during the festive period are finally ready to give birth. In fact, the 26th September is the most common day of the year to give birth.

This leads to a baby boom every year around this time and one that midwives across the land will try to take off as annual leave, only to find that the management has clocked on to this and won't allow it during the busiest period.

Don't worry though mums-to-be, if you give birth in September you won't be left in a corridor whilst a hundred women all push in unison, it's a recognised phenomenon and one that the NHS gets ready for.

So, September is hard, and although the positives of being a midwife far outweigh the negatives, there are a few other things about the job that are tough:

Doing shifts takes a toll on a person and not knowing what you're working one week to the next is hard to plan around when you've got a family.

Although a Christmas baby is a joy to help deliver, it's always hard to be away from your loved ones.

Everyone hates night shifts and they are the busiest hours in a maternity unit. But they all get handed out evenly.

No midwife went to train because they liked paperwork. For every birth, there is about two hours of solid paperwork afterwards, plus writing constantly through the labour as well.

Midwives work as midwives as they want to be “with woman” (that's the definition of the word). But unfortunately, as England alone is about 3,500 midwives short, we're overworked and stressed to the hilt. This means midwives feel they aren’t giving the care they want to.

And finally, the thing midwives hate the most…

Ending with a lighter one, when a midwife has been looking after a woman in labour, going home before she gives birth is really tough. There’s something about being at the birth that's SO special when you’ve built up a bond with a family.

]]>https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/6-things-midwives-dont-enjoy-about-their-jobs/feed/2Mum's fury at childminder who went against her wisheshttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/mum-infuriated-by-her-childminders-sleep-training/
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/mum-infuriated-by-her-childminders-sleep-training/#commentsWed, 06 Sep 2017 08:00:39 +0000https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/?post_type=mum_stories&p=182539Read more »]]>

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

I have written many times before about how Gina Ford worked well for us, mixed in with a dose of the Baby Whisperer for good measure. We chose to do controlled crying at six months and went into our daughter's room every few minutes as she went to sleep to comfort her and make sure she knew we weren't leaving her completely alone.

Yes, I know I will get slack for that off some mums but I'll probably get slack for bottle feeding my daughter and using a dummy too. But one thing I would never do is to say that anyone else's methods were wrong. You have to do what suits your baby and your family and if that is having baby sleep in bed with you, or give breastfeeds up until three, then so be it.

Whilst I would never push my opinions on another parent, one thing I am set on is consistency. Our family knows what we do with naps, meals and our daughter's routine and even nursery are on board. So when I read on a forum what one particular childminder had done, I was enraged.

Here's what happened. A mum started settling her child in at a childminder's house. Nothing too unusual, however, she mentioned to the childminder she would like her child to be rocked and have back rubs to be put down for naps. When she returned to fetch her child, the childminder said that she had left her baby to cry for short periods when going down for a nap, going in every five minutes for a cuddle and to settle them. So forcing sleep training on the child without the parent's wishes.

Many on the forum supported the childminder's actions - they felt it would be impractical for her to be able to rock and pat a child to sleep when she has a house full of other children to attend to. This did make me come down off my soap box a little, as yes, that is quite a demanding task when you have to keep an eye on other children.

However, what doesn't sit well with me is that the childminder didn't ask the mum if she could do this and agreed wholeheartedly (apparently) that she would rock and pat the child.

I have spent some time thinking about it and what I would do if the shoe was on my foot. I still would be furious. Although the childminder may be busy, she shouldn't have (allegedly) agreed to it and she shouldn't have left the child to cry without parental consent.

The mum who posted about this feels unsure as to whether she can trust the childminder again - I think the answer for me would be a big NO. I would always be concerned about whether my child was getting the care I hoped for and I wouldn't be able to stand that anguish.

What do you think?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Clare Littler

I'm shocked by a post I've seen on Facebook today. I'm referring to the poor little boy that was discriminated against for wanting to be a Princess for the day at Disneyland Paris.

Hayley, a mum of three who writes the blog Sparkles and Stretchmarks has booked a trip to Disneyland later in the year for her lovely family, after having a magical visit earlier in 2017. She found that the park offers a "Princess for a day" experience in the Disneyland Hotel. Her little boy Noah was over the moon as he adores Elsa and the other Princesses, so Hayley went to book him in as an early Christmas present.

Unfortunately, she received a reply that made her and my blood boil (and no doubt other parents too). Disneyland Paris told her 'it is not possible to book Princess for a Day for a boy.'

'If a little girl wants to be a super hero, she can be. If she wants to be a jedi, she can be. She can be whatever she wants... just like Walt Disney himself said, "If you can dream it you can do it!"... Unless you're a little boy who wants a Princess experience at Disneyland apparently...that you CAN'T do!'

In 2017 NO child should be discriminated against due to gender.

Children don't understand gender bias. My nephew LOVES his pram and doll, whereas my little one loves her train set and rough and tumble. Even after the fiasco with the Clarks school shoes earlier this summer, brands still seem very slow to get that gender-neutrality is important to a lot of parents.

Disneyland Paris have now apologised to Hayley, with a spokesperson calling it an 'isolated incident' and stating that 'both boys and girls are welcome to enjoy The Princess For a Day experience.'

I hope Hayley gets to take Noah for his Princess experience because he deserves it. Be the person you're meant to be, not what society tries to make you.

Clare Littler

Being a grown up is pretty awesome - you can go to bed whenever you want, eat anything you like and buy whatever takes your fancy, but do you remember what it was like being a little kid?

I definitely don't, and in my adult life, I do enjoy a 9pm bedtime and a hot chocolate with the occasional spend on a supermarket pair of shoes (because I spend so damn much on the toddler's).

My daughter is a toddler and loving it, so I thought I would make a list of 10 awesome things about being two.

Telling your great aunt that you've only met once that you've done a poo is completely fine, and will probably be met with bountiful praise.

There are no hard and fast rules about using a fork or spoon, yes it's preferred but if you get your fingers stuck in that spag bol, Mummy and Daddy won't complain too much. Plus it's way quicker than spooning it into your mouth!

And no one will bat an eyelid. Just your standard "terrible twos" behaviour.

At no point in your life will you get as much praise as this about how you look. In 10 years Daddy will be telling you "You're not leaving the house looking like that!" rather than saying you have a lovely little pair of dungarees on.

It can be as out of tune and incorrect as possible, but your rendition of "The Wheels on the Bus" is akin to an aria from a beautiful opera.

Last week you learnt the word "poop" and your Daddy has just Googled MENSA admission criteria.

As an adult, that crap gets thrown away, but all your masterpieces line the walls and fridge-freezer of all your family.

And Mummy and Daddy will be praying for a two-hour nap every day!

Even the biscuit you found at the bottom of the ball pit at soft play, sure it was a bit chewy but what silly person leaves a perfectly good digestive behind?

Your parents have a level of tolerance, if you are persistent enough and are annoying enough, they WILL give you that chocolate egg eventually.

Clare Littler

You've probably seen in the press about the change in the campaign by the Royal College of Midwives (the RCM) from the "Campaign for Normal Birth" to the "Campaign for Better Births".

But why is everyone getting a bee in their bonnet about it?

Essentially the previous campaign was to try and promote a physiological birth or a "normal vaginal delivery" (that's the medical term for a birth, it has no bearing on whether it is better than another way or that it's more or less normal than any other birth, purely medical jargon). The idea was that midwives would strive to promote a natural vaginal birth as opposed to an assisted delivery or caesarean, so low-risk birth centres and water births would be the ideal.

So what's changed?

The "Campaign for Better Births" is just a slight change in terminology whereby the midwives are supporting the best birth for the woman rather than the best birth medically. So if a woman needs forceps for a safe delivery or a caesarean as the baby is breech, then that is a better birth. If a woman chooses a home birth or a booked caesarean then that's also the best birth for her.

So no, it's not true that midwives are NOT supporting normal births, because for the majority of women that IS the best birth for them. Medically, normal vaginal deliveries are the safest; but if you need something different then so be it.

Did midwives not support assisted births or caesareans before?

Of course they did. Midwives would never say you should have a birth that wasn't safe for you. And, to be honest, they have always had your best interests at heart. Unfortunately, there was an incident in the past. In Morecambe, there was a hospital where some midwives pushed for normal vaginal births when it wasn't safe for the woman, with catastrophic consequences. They refused doctors' help and as a result many babies died and some mums too. Hence why the RCM made the change.

So what happens from here?

Nothing. In all honesty, the RCM is not the NHS and the campaign is only guidance. Most midwives have supported better births for the whole of their careers already, so this won't change anything. You will have a safe birth regardless, and the midwife would never promote something that isn't suitable for you despite what the media tries to say.

So those bonnets can release that bee and know that this is a true storm in a tea cup.

They aren't saying vaginal births should be discarded in favour of intervention and they aren't saying that vaginal births aren't the safest type of birth. They aren't saying by calling it a normal vaginal delivery other births are abnormal, they just want you to have the right birth for you.

So when everyone says the midwives are no longer promoting normality, don't worry, they are, and exactly the same as before, except now it's got a fancy new title.

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

Clare Littler

Labour, that ominous six-letter word that signifies the end of an era, you've been pregnant for almost 40 weeks, or maybe a few weeks more and now birth is in sight.

When you hear about giving birth from your friends they'll all have different tales to tell about the births they had and no doubt you'll hear some horror stories as everyone likes to share them.

But although it may sounds like there are endless ways to give birth, there are actually about four:

This is the most common type of delivery and accounts for 60% of births in the UK on average. This is when you push your baby out, with or without pain relief, by yourself. You may well have a tear or possibly a cut down below called an episiotomy, but it's still is classed as a normal vaginal delivery.

This is normally classed as a normal vaginal delivery on the paperwork, however around an average of 5% of women give birth in water. This is different depending on where in the country you give birth, with some rates being much higher, and others much lower. If you are interested in the research behind giving birth or labouring in water, BabyCentre has it all covered here.

This means the doctor has helped you give birth vaginally, by either a ventouse or forceps. A ventouse is a suction cup to baby's scalp and forceps look like stainless steel salad tongs. Around 12% of babies are born with by an instrumental delivery, which breaks down to 20% of first-time mums and 7% of mums having a subsequent baby. There is more information here.

This falls into the category of emergency and elective (also known as a booked caesarean). Around 25% of women have a caesarean. An elective section is when you have had a recommendation from an obstetric doctor that it would be the best for you and your baby to have a caesarean. You will have a date to attend the hospital and they will plan to deliver your baby that day. Most women will have a spinal anaesthetic which is very similar to an epidural and they will make a cut to your tummy, just above your pubic bone about 15cm long.

An emergency caesarean is when you need one due to a change in the health of you or your baby. It may be while you are in labour, or may be before you start your labour and you come into the hospital with another issue, such as your baby moving less or you developing a condition like pre-eclampsia. You'll probably have a spinal anaesthetic, but if there's an immediate threat to yours or your baby's health they may put you to sleep with a general anaesthetic. That's called a "crash section" if they need to do it as an obstetric emergency. More information about caesareans can be found here.

So there are 4 types of birth, and just because you may have had one before, or your mum had a certain type of birth, it doesn't mean that you would have the same experience the next time around. Normality is king in the maternity wards and the midwives and doctors will work with you to make your birth as normal as possible. If you have any worries, you can always talk to your midwife.

What kind of birth do you want and if you've given birth what kind did you have?

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

]]>https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/the-different-types-of-birth/feed/1Present ideas for a two year oldhttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/products_and_prizes/present-ideas-for-a-two-year-old/
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/products_and_prizes/present-ideas-for-a-two-year-old/#respondWed, 09 Aug 2017 08:00:38 +0000https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/?post_type=mum_stories&p=180531Read more »]]>

Clare Littler

posted in Products & Prizes

It's approaching alarmingly quickly and you are starting to panic; what on earth are you going to get your two-year-old for their birthday? If your son or daughter is like most other children, they'll have everything they want, and you know whatever you buy will be swallowed up in the present mountain they're bound to receive.

Or maybe you are a panicked parent, with family asking you what to get for your little one when you can't even think of anything yourself?

Well never fear, BabyCentre is here with some present ideas for a two year old.

Under £20

Toys R Us £7.49

The You & Me 14" Talking Baby Doll - Girl but also available as a Boy. This item is fantastic for both boys and girls, many 2-year-olds are interested in dolls and caring for a baby so for a bargain price of £7.49 you could be getting a well-used present that will go down a treat.

If you are looking for something to tag on with the doll, they also sell an accessories pack:

It's all about imagination right now, so toys like this are great for little kids to really get their creative thoughts flowing. I love this set from Beehive Toys.

Red Dog, Blue Dog game by Orchard Toys, £9.50

This game is a winner and perfect for two. It's an Orchard Toys one and they have other puzzles or games that are great for a younger audience.

Smyths Toy Superstore £12.99

Mega Bloks are always a winner and you know if they have some already, it won't matter as the more the better. This bag is the Mega Bloks Builders First Big Building Bag Classic and fun for all ages, including Mummy, Daddy and any other grown up too.

What two year old doesn't like sand? And this from The Entertainer Toy Shop one includes a lid, which is perfect to ensure the sand stays dry and clean.

Smyths Toy Superstore £28.99

Perhaps you have a budding artist in mind, this Crayola Qwikflip 2 Sided Easel Blue will keep the little ones entertained for hours with the whiteboard and blackboard options. With everyone preferring the kids not to draw on the walls, having a large space for them to scribble is ideal. (Be aware the age range is given as 3 upwards on this one, but I'm considering it for my 2-year-old daughter.)

Amazon.co.uk £49.99

If your little one loves to be on the go, maybe something like a scooter would be a fun present idea. This Fascol 3 Wheeled Folding Scooter won't break the bank whilst keeping your child on trend.

Workbench, Flubit, £16.95

Boys and girls will love banging mending using the tools. This one's a really bold and bright one - so won't look too hideous in your house!

Push the boat out, special presents

Toys R Us £109.99

This Little Tikes Horse And Carriage Coupe is a crowd stopper. If the little-one hasn't got a Cozy Coupe already this may be the special main present you are looking for. Great for a grandparent or a parent to buy as an extra special treat.

Silver Ride on car, Tickety-Boo, £94.00

A rather beautiful classic car for your little one. They also have old-fashioned planes and a speedster car that comes in classic green or red. Gorgeous.

Smyths Toy Superstore £119.99

Maybe if the weather is looking up you may fancy something like this Courtyard Cottage. Role play is a fantastic way to spend the hours with a toddler, it broadens their mind and they love it. So if you're on the look for something truly special that will get years of use, maybe this is the present you're looking for.

Amazon.co.uk £129.99

Now if the traditional Cozy Coupe doesn't float your boat, then I bet this will. The 6v Licensed Mercedes ML350 Kids Ride-on/Ride-in Car powered by either a parental remote control or the child (if you're brave). This car comes with an music player which is paired to your phone and will keep on going for 1.5 hours.

So are you suitably inspired, are any of these going to make it onto the present list?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

See what people are buying their baby or child for their birthday by asking in your birth club.

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

Clare Littler

All of you will know what a midwife does, from looking after you in your pregnancy, to helping you deliver your baby and taking care of you both afterwards; but here are 7 things about midwives you might not have realised:

Yes, many nurses train to be midwives, but people can also train as just midwives. So if you say "nurse" to one, they may give you an unusual look.

Although we try our best never to get it wrong, occasionally we do. It might be that we miss that your baby is breech until you get to the labour ward - unfortunately it happens. The only way to know for sure is by doing a scan. It's also rare that we say a baby is breech and find that it isn't. If we do send you for a scan to be sure, don't see it as a sign of your midwife is rubbish, more that she is paying extra attention to your pregnancy.

Midwives are the people you want in the room if you are having a low-risk birth. It may be in a birthing unit or in the labour suite, but if things are simple and going to plan, you don't need a doctor. Obstetricians (doctors that specialise in pregnancy) are the best people to have when things are taking a turn towards intervention, but if you don't see one then you know that things are going to plan.

Yep, you may be getting undressed for the first time in front of a stranger, but no matter how unusual you think your lady garden is, the midwife will have seen it all before. To be honest, she'll have seen so many lady bits that yours won't even register in her (or his) brain.

Yep, we've all seen One Born Every Minute and noticed the copious amounts of tea and cake eaten by staff, but in all honesty with how the NHS is at the moment, most midwives won't even have time for a wee during their shift, let alone tuck into a Victoria sponge.

There is a misconception that midwives want you to have an epidural or talk you into a something that you don't have in your birth plan. This isn't true - they want you to have the birth you wanted. At the end of the day they are trained and aware of what may help you at different points in your pregnancy or labour. They always have your best interests at heart.

The tabloids may try and convince you otherwise, but midwives are just trying their best. They have families at home, have been on their feet without a drink for 13 hours and are honestly trying to get you discharged as quickly as possible. So when you're waiting to go home, try and give your midwife the benefit of the doubt.

Ultimately, not every midwife will be amazing, there will always be some that are below par, but on the whole, all we do is try our best for the women and families, we want you to be happy and healthy as much as you do. Next time you see your midwife, give her a bit of love, she probably hasn't had much lately.

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

Clare Littler

The story says that parents of "yester-year" (although I refuse to think of my childhood being that long ago) knew the names of trees, plants and birds; how to treat minor illnesses; how to get kids to eat veggies; mend clothes; cook from scratch and get children to behave well in general.

Some are debatable - I definitely know how to bake a cake and to treat a minor illness; however, I wouldn't rate my sock-darning skills.

So what skills has our generation mastered?

We are pretty good at making sure we can watch our child and keep them safe whilst texting our mate to say that we can't wait until wine-o'clock.

In my childhood, my mum carried me in the car as a baby and then I had a (next to useless) booster seat until I was about 3; and air bags didn't even exist then! These days we can fit a child into a car or complicated Isofix base within 60 seconds.

No matter how we do it, the options are pretty healthy these days, even if you buy pouches you know they aren't full of nasties. We know the signs of gagging and what to do in an emergency. Our parents were putting rusks in our bottles and weaning us at four months, maybe with an extra dose of the alcohol-filled gripe water to wash it down.

The only reason our parents didn't nail this was because they didn't have the facilities we had today. There was no Starbucks and no soft play to keep the kids entertained while you caught-up with your mum friends. It was church playgroups with terrible tea to fill their day.

This isn't to say our parents didn't do this; they did. But these days with all the evidence-based information we can get on the internet we can make sure we are nurturing our children in a way our parents would've dreamed of. Whether it's phonics or using monochrome to stimulate a baby, we have a new perspective at our fingertips.

With Facebook and forums like the BabyCentre Community, we can support each other at any time of day and at any distance. Before, parents would have felt alone in the journey of parenting, but these days we can pop online at any time and find a mum or dad that can share a listening ear.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Now my little one is almost 2 (birthday party planning is well under way), we are starting to see the renowned "terrible twos" and, I'll be honest, I'm not thrilled about it. It brings on a whole new level of difficult and is a massive change of the colic days which I remember so well.

I have found it a very hard transition to try and know what to do when it comes to a meltdown in the supermarket, and the fact she can't understand me fully yet really doesn't help.

I have been researching ways to tackle a toddler tantrum and trying them out, so here are the ones that have worked for me.

Try and get down to their height, they are more likely to listen if you crouch down. The change in level also shows you mean business.

Sometimes if you shout (and we've all done it, don't beat yourself up if you have) they become more defiant, thinking they are successful in grinding your gears. Speaking in a calm and quiet voice means they realise they aren't winding you up. Don't let them know they're affecting you.

It's sometimes really difficult to get eye contact in full tantrum mode. But you get their concentration when they're looking at you.

I'm guilty of this, I have gone into rant mode many times, however, it is obvious (with hindsight) if they can't understand then they won't listen.

It's all well and good laying down the law, but if you go straight into punishment then they have no chance to redeem themselves. Give them the chance, even if it's just a minute or two.

Let them know what will happen if they don't stop, in a way they can understand. Sometimes (and only sometimes) if they know what will happen they'll stop. Think "no chocolate if you keep going" or something similar. That can work wonders.

This old tried and tested is almost every parent's last choice. If they are old enough to understand why they are there go for it. But if they are too little then this may not work.

This is great because our little one is a bit too little for the naughty step. A trick that works amazingly for us is saying that there is a cat outside. We make a big fuss and lift her up to the window. This just directs her attention away from the anger or frustration for a minute. This is sometimes enough to break the tantrum altogether.

Kids tend to get more wrapped up in a tantrum if they think they have to stop and say those difficult words. By offering them a cuddle it's giving them the chance to say sorry, whilst keeping their pride intact.

Kids struggle to regulate and control their emotions and very often they just don't know what to do with the feelings they've got. When it's been a long day of tantrums, try and remember they can't help it and it's a good part of their development. It shows they are growing and maturing as they should be. Then head for the gin after bedtime.

Find out what works for other mums and dads by asking members of your birth club.

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

When I had my daughter we decided, as a family, for me to take the whole year off for maternity leave. Luckily, very conveniently for us, the way it fell also meant I got about five weeks of annual leave to tag onto the start. In all I think I ended up having 13 months off.

I always thought I would take the most amount of time off I could, because in my heart of hearts I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mum. I'd imagined I would be happy staying at home to bring up our child as it is the most important job in the world, and one sold to me as being the most rewarding.

When I was off, I did enjoy having a year away from work, not because I hated my job, but because how many times in your life can you get that much time off and still have a job to go back to? I loved that I could count the months ahead I still had to take, and knew in time I would manage to see my daughter's first birthday before I returned to work. It was wonderful, no early de-icing the car and no trudging out in the dark mornings, even though I was up at 5am pretty consistently.

The early days were hard, but I knew I was doing the most important job in the world

I found the days difficult, trying to find something to occupy the time was hard and we spent a lot of the time out of the house.

And then that 13th month came, much quicker than I expected and suddenly I was talking about family-friendly hours and set days (something that doesn't come easily when you work in the NHS). Then one night I had to set my alarms to go off at 5.15am for my first official day back at work. I was dreading it.

But do you know what? It was the best thing I ever did.

Don't get me wrong, stay-at-home-mums have my utmost respect, looking back it was the hardest 12 months of my life, and I just didn't enjoy it. I thought I did, but I really didn't. Now I've been back at work nearly a year (how has that happened so quickly) and we are in a routine, I am honestly a much better Mum. My daughter goes to childcare twice a week and we're extremely lucky that my parents have her for the other two days.

It means my one day I have with her is special. It's concentrated time together where we can really enjoy each other's company, rather than feel pressured to fill the day with some sort of activity. On that day I always make sure we have a play date arranged and I treat her to all kind of things, from ice cream to cake, she gets spoiled by her Mummy that day.

Now we have just one day together we make it really special.

We really savour the time and spend it playing together

I guess what I'm saying is, there is no wrong way to be a mum, whether you work 5 hours or 50 hours, or you stay at home with your kids, you have to do what is right for you and ignore the rest. If you're a working mum or a SAHM, you're rocking it, the only way you know how.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

]]>https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/being-a-working-mum-suits-our-family-better/feed/210 times your in-laws have gotten you out of a sticky situationhttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/10-times-your-in-laws-have-gotten-you-out-of-a-sticky-situation/
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/10-times-your-in-laws-have-gotten-you-out-of-a-sticky-situation/#commentsWed, 05 Jul 2017 08:38:57 +0000https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/?post_type=mum_stories&p=177523Read more »]]>

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Whether you're married or have a partner, for most people their in-laws are a part of your life in some way. Now, this can go both ways, they can either be amazing or a little more "lacklustre", if we're being polite. But either way, they are there. I am really, really lucky with my husband's family. They are all amazing and treat me as if I was their own, and as a result, they dote on my daughter like she is made of gold.

But in many cases, they offer more than just being a grandparent; for some families they will be a primary childcare option for when the maternity leave ends and be the window back into employment for many women. But how else do in-laws (or your own parents) help when life as a parent is getting you down?

Here are 10 times your in-laws (or your parents) have gotten you out of a sticky situation.

If your baby has been awake for five days straight and you've eaten nothing more than a biscuit since Tuesday, the grandparents will always come round with some sustenance to keep you going.

They are even more appreciated if they bring food.

This means you can go and do your regular life things, like go to the shops or have a hair cut... let's face it, you're probably snaffling chocolate and hoovering the floor.

Mothers unite, they can remember what it was like when you were little, times may have changed, and thank God for Netflix, but ultimately raising a child is the same game it was back then.

Some of the things you need when you're a parent are so expensive. some of them are purely wish list items, but you can guarantee they will want to spoil your kids so will never let them go without something they need.

Hell yeah! Having a Nanny sleep over means only one thing for the parents... take away with Netflix and chill... but actually chill, none of this modern day funny business. Sometimes you just need a night off, thankfully they are willing to oblige.

There is nothing on earth worse than being ill and in charge of a child. They seem to have a sixth sense that you aren't at your best. Thankfully, for the really bad days you can usually call on a Granny or Grandad to watch your kids whilst you cry yourself to sleep in bed with some paracetamol and a hot water bottle.

Nothing tries a relationship more than having a child. It is meant to be the hardest year of a relationship during the first 12 months of a baby's life. Sure as hell you'll want to moan about your partner and the only one who knows his flaws as well as you do is his Mum. Top prize for her if she moans with you, rather than saying you're being mean about her "baby boy".

I mentioned this above, but so many in-laws or parents look after little ones so Mum and Dad can go back to work. With childcare sometimes costing more than the wage Mum is earning, they are truly getting you out of a sticky situation by helping with the childcare.

There is never a truer phrase than this when it comes to parenting. It can seem so endless when you are in the middle of a difficult phase, whether it's the terrible twos or the four-month sleep regression, it's so true that "this too shall pass". As they say, the years are short but the days are long. Sometimes having a gentle reminder from an elder can put things back into perspective.

What is the stickiest situation your parents or in-laws have gotten you out of?

Have you signed up to receive our daily blog alerts? Go to the BabyCentre Facebook page or via the Messenger app and send a message with the word BLOG. You'll receive the top three posts every day at 11am.

]]>https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/10-times-your-in-laws-have-gotten-you-out-of-a-sticky-situation/feed/2Why screaming is the worst thing you can do in labourhttps://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/why-screaming-through-labour-is-the-worst-thing-you-can-do/
https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/mum_stories/why-screaming-through-labour-is-the-worst-thing-you-can-do/#commentsWed, 28 Jun 2017 08:00:41 +0000https://www.babycentre.co.uk/blog/?post_type=mum_stories&p=176799Read more »]]>

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

Leading on from my last post in which I debunked pregnancy myths, I have another myth for you... screaming through labour. When you see someone give birth on TV or in a film they are usually screaming blue murder.

Screaming seems to be what everyone imagines they'd do as their baby is born, but actually it's a lot less likely to happen than you'd think.

Here's the scientific bit about labour - to have a contraction you need to have a high level of oxytocin, the love hormone. This means you'll get the tightening in your uterus which you feel. Prostaglandins are hormones that cause your cervix to soften and dilate. No one knows exactly what starts a labour off spontaneously, however, if you are induced you will be given a synthetic form of a prostaglandin hormone to help get things going. If your waters break, that stimulates a prostaglandin surge as well.

Oxytocin is a fickle hormone in your body, it loves endorphins and positive vibes, hence why they try and have subdued lighting and a relaxed atmosphere in your labour room. It's also produced when you cuddle or kiss and when you, ahem... get up to sexy time. Some people also rate nipple tweaking in labour to help encourage that rush of the oxy, although you probably won't find a midwife of doctor willing or dedicated enough to help you with that bit!

Now we get back to screaming. There's a myth that everyone screams through labour, but the truth is the majority don't. I'm not saying everyone has a silent labour, most women do let out the odd shriek or proverbial "moo" when they are giving birth (yes women moo, it's part of the transitional phase and pushing in the second stage of labour). But very few scream the ceiling down.

Do you know why?

Because it creates the cryptonite to oxytocin = adrenaline.

This well known hormone is a shot to the heart of any labour. Remember when you got in the car and went into hospital and your contractions died down? Yep that was adrenaline. When that doctor came in and told you that things weren't going to plan or that there was a change in what was happening? Adrenaline again.

So why does screaming make so much adrenaline? It's because of the fight or flight part of the hormone's reputation. It triggers the pituitary gland to make a surge of the stuff and that can knock your contractions off in a jiffy.

That's why screaming can be the worst thing you can do in labour. But what can you do if you do lose it? Because many women do get to a point where fear takes over or they lose their rag.

Breathe

Practise before you get to that point by breathing and concentrating on your in-breath and out-breath. The best thing you can do is remember the 7-11 technique or 3-5. What that means is you breath in for 7 (or 3) and out for 11 (or 5). Even if your breath runs out before the 11 count and don't breathe in again until you start the 7 again. Just by taking your focus away and to something familiar you will regain your cool and hopefully nip the adrenaline in the bud.

1. Lip balm - the air conditioning combined with gas and air do nothing for your lips. If you can avoid sore, cracked lips then do. You have enough going on without feeling like a prune.

2. Snacks, snacks and more snacks - There isn't usually a 24-hour cafe, and let's face it... hospital food is hardly gourmet style. I would pack some small easily eaten snacks like cereal bars or plain crisps. Your appetite might not be up to much, but you need to keep the fuel in the tank! Also for the "long suffering" birthing partners that don't always get fed they need to keep going (but they may never admit it!).

3. Change of clothes for the birthing partner - you maybe there for less than a day, you maybe there for a lot longer than that... it's wise to get your partner to pack an overnight bag just in case. Besides, birth ain't pretty and sometimes that "prettiness" reaches their clothes too!

4. A very old unwanted shirt or night dress - you won't want your best Victoria Secret PJs in the hospital. Find the nastiest one you can in your wardrobe. When you get into active labour you may want to wear something, but I've been known to cut off people's clothes due to all kinds of bodily fluids. No-one cares what you look like!

5. Mild shower gel - It may be tempting to take in the Dettol for a post birth scrub down, but in all honesty you want something kind on the skin. Especially kind on the nether regions - no tea tree around those stitches please!

6. Toothbrush and toothpaste - easily forgotten but often needed. You may be in and out of the hospital, but at some point you'll want to brush your teeth. My hubby forgot his, but after the birth sharing a toothbrush was the least of our worries.

7. Isotonic drinks - Lucozade and similar. Not caffeine-based drinks if poss, as you need energy rather than the caffeine jitters. You may not be eating in labour and you need to keep yourself going somehow. Lots and lots of water and occasional sips of these will help you on your way. Obviously, if you are diabetic or nil by mouth, listen to your midwives and doctors - don't load up on sugar!

8. Straws - Because when you're drinking all that water and Lucozade, you may not be able to sit upright to have a good swig. It's much easier to open your mouth and let someone else bring the drink to you!

9. Flannel - hospitals are hot, and you will be absolutely boiling. All the energy you're using to labour will make you hot, so a nice cold flannel on your head will be soothing.

10. Alternatively if you have bad back pain a hot flannel at the base of your spine can help alleviate some discomfort.

11. Large towel - hospital towels are tiny. They don't really fit around anything, especially you when you get out of the bath. Take a big bath sheet to wrap yourself in.

12. Unfragranced deodorant - the bonds between you and baby are all about scent, when your having skin to skin or feeding her she will recognise you by your natural smell. If you can find unfragranced deodorant then bring it along. The others can be quite overpowering and mask your natural mummy musk.

13. Face wipes - to wipe the sweat and grease off your face and give you a quick spruce up before your inevitable visitors arrive.

14. Flip flops or cheap slippers - to walk around the hospital wards with something on your feet. You're not going to be bothered with putting your shoes on, so something slip-on is ideal.

15. If you are breastfeeding - nipple cream all the way! Lanolin based ointments can be left on between feeds and don't need to be washed off before you put baby to the breast. There are lots of different types though to suit every budget and every mum. What works for another mummy might not work for you.

16. If you are bottle-feeding check with your birthing unit, some places don't provide formula for your baby post birth, so you will need to be prepared and take some in with you ready. It's probably best to take in pre-prepared ready made formula. It saves lots of time, and some units don't have the facilities for boiling water (think health and safety and you're on the right track).

17. Finally, your camera - you won't look like Kate leaving the hospital I'm sure, but you'll want those precious just after the birth photos of your little one to treasure for years to come, (oh and make sure it's charged).

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Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

It's said the first year after having a baby is the hardest on a couple.

It can be so hard to remember why you love each other when all you have on your mind is a colicky baby and you haven't eaten all day.

Even if you've had the worst day, or been bickering constantly stop and have a cuddle. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is released around 30 seconds after you start a hug. So you don't need long to help boost those happy feelings and reconnect with your other half. Sometimes that's all you need to bring you back down to earth.

Here are some other tips to help nurture your relationship when time is limited.

Make a cuppa or a coffee for each other and try your best to drink it whilst it's hot.

This will release all those lovely hormones and give you a happy buzz, despite whatever the day has thrown at you.

The more mind-numbing the better. You don't want anything too complicated as you are both probably too exhausted to concentrate, but something you can laugh at and barely register watching will remind you of more light-hearted times.

Sometimes just the thought of a nice meal coming your way is enough to cheer you up. Get down to the supermarket and buy a £10 deal, or similar. A nice main, side and dessert is a nice way to spend some time together in the evening when the day has been long.

Find a box set you haven't finished or hunt down a new one to get stuck into. Then slob out on the sofa until one of you falls asleep.

If you can find a babysitter, try taking just a couple of hours out to go for a meal child free. You'll wonder how you used to live when you could just leave the house without a baby + all the stuff.

If a meal out goes well, perhaps see if you would manage a night away in a hotel. Obviously, this is easier if you are expressing milk or bottle feeding, probably this is best waiting for a few months down the line.

Or if you would prefer the house to yourselves and someone will take little one just for the evening, perhaps try this. Having a lie in the next morning will feel like you've won the lottery.

Just a little something to show that you're thinking of each other and that you care, can do wonders for your relationship.

Before the baby arrives, both find some sentimental bits and pieces to put in a box. When times get really tough and you want to strangle each other, rather than hug it out, go to the box and remind yourselves why you love each other.

Clare Littler

posted in Mum Stories

When you're having a baby there is so much conflicting information about, and that isn't including what you see on your TV. The thing is, what's true and what's codswallop? Well, let me let you into the secrets and debunk some of those myths!

FALSE. Nope, not at all. In the older days, you would do a test or have an inkling you were pregnant and book an appointment to see your GP. These days the tests are so accurate that a positive is definitely accurate, in fact, you can't get a false positive test result. So if you have one that is enough for your GP surgery to refer you straight to your midwife, without even telling the doc!

TRUE - AND FALSE. Now this is a true statement, being sick is due to the levels of the hormone HCG being high, so if you are having severe sickness or perhaps hyperemesis gravidarum (HG for short) they will probably scan you at the hospital to see if there is more than one bundle of joy in there! But it doesn't mean you're definitely having twins.

FALSE. Most people know that it isn't true, but you don't need to eat double your calorie intake. You only need to increase your calories in the third trimester and by only 200 a day.

FALSE. No science in this I'm afraid. Nor that if you are carrying around the front you're having a girl (or any combination of the above).

FALSE. This scan is a really important part of your NHS screening programme. They check your baby head to toe and try and distinguish any problems or possible conditions of concern. Finding out the gender is by-the-by and an added bonus.

FALSE. Nope not true, the heartbeat is slightly faster if you are under 28 weeks, but as time passes the beats per minute slightly decrease as the heart gets stronger. The normal is between 110-160 beats per minute, but please don't use a home doppler to check, a midwife or doctor is the only one who can diagnose a healthy/unhealthy heartbeat.

FALSE. You do need to call the hospital immediately, but don't head straight for the car, like they do on the telly. Usually, when they break the midwives will ask you to put a pad on and monitor the loss for an hour. The only exception to this rule is if it's green or has blood in it. Call the hospital and get ready to go straight in.

FALSE. Your show is snotty mucus you notice in your pants and the plug inside your cervix. Unfortunately, it can come away any time during your pregnancy and can also grow back. If it does pass, no need to worry or call your midwife as it's unlikely it will mean the start of labour is on its way.

FALSE. Not true, I'm afraid. Craving ice to chew on can be a sign of a low iron level, but that's about as scientific as it gets. Also... as an offside, people say that eating sweet food whilst you're trying to conceive means you'll have a girl, salty a boy. The only way a gender is determined is by which sperm gets to the egg first. So it's completely up to the man... sorry ladies.

FALSE. No, not at all. If your baby's movements change, call the hospital immediately. The old myth used to be that as your baby got bigger there was less room to move. The evidence shows that this isn't true and that your baby should move exactly the same as always. Midwives will never tell you off for calling and going in, it's their job to make sure it's all tickedy-boo.