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Month: August 2014

In other words: Know the possible consequences of your actions before doing them, Tobby, or else you’ll find yourself in the receiving end of a butt-biter ambush. Hm, maybe “Look before you leap” is a more understandable way of saying it.

“Teachers don’t just give lessons, kid. They have to train their students’ discipline, keep them in line, make sure they don’t cause too much trouble, help them face the crazy world out there. I know that you’re doing this a front to hide the fact that you’re a mage, but honestly, I think you shouldn’t be in this job, considering your age.”

This tall, gray-haired teacher with a smoking habit had a freaking point. I’m too young for this job. I thought that it was going to be fun and games with the tenth graders, but when I heard this man’s stories, all my excitement went down the drain, and practicing my magic skills suddenly became low priority.

My stomach felt like it was tying itself up as the gray-haired teacher and I walked to the Headmaster’s office. Speaking of which, did they prepare some sort of residence for me? The thought of having no home to stay in…now that is really scary.

“Good morning, Headmaster Treebud.”

And I’m already in the Headmaster’s office. So many trophies, so many wooden stuff, a table containing documents and writing materials, shelves containing all sorts of books, a gigantic window behind the table, a gigantic picture of an old man, and the old man himself. Wow, I wonder how old is that guy? He has a pretty bushy beard…and he is a mage too, right?

“Good morning to you as well, Mr. Hawkkite,” the Headmaster said with the commonplace hoarseness that most old people have in their voices. “Am I correct in assuming that that young man over there is Mr. Summersky?”

“Yes, sir,” Mr. Hawkkite replied as he immediately killed the smoke in his cigarette on a nearby ashtray.

“Hm. Very well, then.” And then I could feel an intense gaze from his seemingly shut eyes focusing on me. “Mr. Summersky, why did you choose this job?”

Ah, an opportunity to express myself. Well, I really want to be honest now.

“I chose this job as a cover for my magic training,” I calmly told the old man, “But after hearing Mr. Hawkkite’s stories, I feel like I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry, sir, but is there another front that is suitable for my age?”

I will need to find you through some other way, Dad. I do not want look for you while in a job that would not be fun for me.

Now, the Headmaster nodded with what seemed to be a sympathetic smile under his thick beard after hearing my reply. “I very much agree that you are too young to be in this job, but I’m afraid that it will take some time before you can get a chance to change your position. Still, I promise that I will do what I can to help you, Mr. Summersky. Is that okay?”

I bowed in respect and gratitude to this very nice old man. “Yes, sir. Thank you very much for your concern.”

“You are very much welcome, Mr. Summersky. Now, Mr. Hawkkite, please guide this boy in his job while he works temporarily here. Mr. Summersky will be your assistant in teaching and your apprentice in magic. Is that clear?”

“Yes, sir,” the gray-haired teacher said with his rough and deep voice. “I will do my best.”

“Oh, one more thing, Headmaster!” I exclaimed before Mr. Hawkkite started moving out of the room.

“Yes, Mr. Summersky?”

“Where will I stay?”

“You will be staying in Mr. Hawkkite’s house, so do not worry.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that, kid. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Hawkkite. Don’t worry…”

I sighed with relief. Thank you very much, Headmaster…and thank you very much, Mr. Hawkkite.

So, I felt my excitement being renewed because of the old man’s promise and because of the fact that I have to place to stay in. My days in this place are numbered, and I will be able to live a childhood filled with more fun and more training fit for a child like me. I may be mature, but I’m not mature enough to handle a job like this! Even the other teachers in the faculty room seemed to agree, too. I could see their puzzled looks as they saw me, a ten-year-old boy, go in while they found out that I am Mr. Hawkkite’s assistant. Puzzled looks were as far as they went, though, which probably meant that I am not the first child teacher who worked here.

Still, even if they were mages, why did they let kids do jobs like this? Who thought of allowing that? The government should probably know about this already. Eh, maybe the Order of Mages pulled strings really well, considering the fact that they are well-hidden within the world of normals.

Now, as I was thinking about these really serious thoughts while I walked through the corridors, I seemed to be forgetting something. What was it, though…?

I was stopped abruptly by the gray-haired teacher’s big hand as I was swimming in my thoughts. What is going on now?

“Oh, we are already here,” I said, looking up at the sign labeled “1-F” hanging near the door. “I seem to be forgetting something, though…”

“Are you talking about the class list? Or are you talking about the fact that we’re working inside an all-girls school?”

Okay, I was going to ask for the class list already when I heard Mr. Hawkkite’s second question. An all-girls school, huh?

An all-girls school…

Girls…

Charlotte…

“Um…I need to go to the washroom, Mr. Hawkkite. My nervousness seems to be making me want to pee more.”

“Alright then, kid,” the tall man said with a sigh as he scratched the right side of his head. “I’ll start without you, but go on, take your time. I’ll make sure to tell the girls that you’re coming to the class as well.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Hawkkite…”

I need to drive away all those nightmarish experiences involving Charlotte. She may be as old as me, but she was someone who I feared very much. What if the girls in 1-F were just like her…?

Okay, when I finally entered the classroom after a short time in the washroom, I was introduced to the class, and I found good news and bad news.

“Okay, class, this boy is Ringo Summersky, and he’s going to be my assistant for a short while. Please be nice to him, okay?”

“I am Ringo Summersky. P-Pleased to meet you all.”

“…”

“Um…is there something wrong, class?”

“He’s so cute…”

“He’s so adorable!”

“Hey, why is there a kid working as a teacher here?”

The bad news…Now, the bad news is that I sensed demonic auras within the class. Whoever emanated them was hiding them really well, but my honed senses could detect traces of them. And then, there was the rest of the class.

Looks like I am going to have more than a handful of work trying to take care of these girls.

But hey, good news is that a lot of them do not seem to be like Charlotte. But who knows, though…perhaps there is a hidden Charlotte among them…Also, I may have found someone who I can make friends with, which is person whose thoughts about why I am here got drowned out by the shrill screams of delight coming from a lot of the girls.

Wondering girl, whoever you are…I would like to be your friend.

Fortunately, the shrill noise was silenced by the great meeting of Mr. Hawkkite’s fist and the chalkboard.

All the girls (except for this one girl who seemed to be enjoying Mr. Hawkkite’s gaze greatly) met a really sharp glare from the gray-haired teacher with a somewhat thick stubble. Wow, Mr. Hawkkite’s aura of seriousness even seems to be boosted by his gray uniform and his tattered coat.

“Thank you, Mr. Hawkkite,” I told my superior with a bow.

“You’re welcome, kid,” he said as he straightened his posture and stretched his arms out. “Now then, I’ve got stuff for you to do.”

“Alright!” I exclaimed quietly.

Well, I should get as much mental training as I can get here. Who knows what sort of insanity will I encounter later?

“Hey, kid. You okay?”

“Do you think I look okay?” I grumpily asked as I hid under the covers of the blankets and pillows.

Another sigh came out of Mr. Hawkkite’s mouth. “Well, you definitely don’t look okay, alright. And I guess I can understand, seeing that I know about you finding out about the vampire, fighting the vampire with the help of those Card Contracts, almost getting reported and turned into a goofy animal, having a bunch of girls with a crush on you, fighting more magical criminals with the help of Card Contracts, having more girls with a crush on you, finding out that your father was a notorious philanderer and not some morally upright magician, and getting into some gigantic magical insanity that’s risking the world of normals and the world of magic.”

“I want to go home,” I told my mentor. “I give up on looking for my father, I give up on this teaching job that I have been working on for who knows how long without getting a job change, and I give up on going out of this house.”

“Uh, I think you forgot about the fact that you’re in the vampire’s magical terraglobe world.”

“Okay, now tell her that I want to get out of here, that I want to go back to my loving older sister, and that I want to cry myself to sleep.”

“Alright, alright, kid. Sorry for all the trouble.”

“Don’t worry too much about it. A lot of the trouble isn’t your fault, Mr. Hawkkite.”

“Hm…yeah, I agree.”

I then buried myself more deeply under the covers, attempting to shut out all annoying sounds, when I suddenly heard Mr. Hawkkite call me again after he opened the door.

“Say, Ringo…I’ve got an idea…a crazy idea. You wanna hear it?”

“If it is going to be something that will further ruin my sanity,” I said as I shoved my head out of the covers, “Then I will not listen to it.”

Mr. Hawkkite turned around and leaned on the doorway. “Trust me, this will save your sanity and the sanity of child mages.”

“Really now?” I do not want other child mages to end up like me. They do not need to be thrust into things that their immaturity cannot handle. I need to do something. “What is your idea, then?”

Mr. Hawkkite smiled.

“We’re gonna go visit the Order of Mages and do some…persuasion.”

“Will that involve force?”

“We won’t involve force as much as possible. I like to deal with problems without using a lot of force, you know.”

“How will you persuade them, then?”

“Evidence. Evidence from video cameras, both normal and magical, a bunch of testimonies from our students and friends, and a bunch of other stuff that can qualify as substantial evidence.”

I smiled upon hearing the details. Things are starting to become very fun now.

“Alright, Mr. Hawkkite. Let us do some persuasion.”

I became a teacher when I was ten years old, and I am not going to let the Order of Mages keep on letting child mages do things that are too much for their immaturity.

Such was one of the things that we did and enjoyed while playing Meat Hunter Online, the multiplayer version of a famous virtual reality wide-open sandbox game, Meat Hunter. In the world of Meat Hunter, chaos reigned like in its single player version. Crime and violence were rampant, and we milked all the black comedy and steaming hot pleasures that we could get as much as we could. For us, it was a good way to relieve ourselves from the annoyances of the outside world.

Of course, we weren’t going to do crime in the outside world. That would be a freaking hassle for us, and we wouldn’t be able to do stuff we want to do, like playing more video games, getting girls, getting laid, and making music. Steaming hot sex with steaming hot girls, playing awesome video games with my friends, and making and playing face-melting rock and roll…they were pretty much the stuff that we wanted the most in our crappy college lives.

“Aquabrain, make sure you have your head on properly before you respawn, ’cause you forget to do it every time we hang out!” I shouted at my friend’s corpse, which was more than a hundred storeys below us.

Again, the rest of my friends laughed. Aquabrain was the butt monkey of our crew because of his hilariously high-pitched voice and hilarious stupidity and perversion that borders on insanity. In-game, he looks like a masked serial killer in black and blue, and his in-game image is emphasized by his memorable voice.

“Hey, retard! If you need help, here’s a booger that I just picked! Maybe it can help in keeping your head between your shoulders! Oh, and your other head might need that booger since it looks like it’s gonna fall off after all your wanking!”

Then, there was Cougar. He was our go-to guy when it came to picking up girls, and manliness was a thing that he liked to talk about very very much. He also has a vulgar sense of humor, which he shows a lot whenever he’s with us. Despite the name, his in-game appearance is a guy wearing a black business suit and a cow mask.

“Hey, Cougar…what’s wanking?”

We suddenly had another burst of laughter after hearing our “kid” friend say that line. His name was Billy Burstfire, and he was the pseudo-kiddie member of our group, as he had the ability to turn his voice into a high, childlike voice without the support of a voice modifier. When he plays games in multiplayer, he often uses his childlike voice to mess around while interacting with other players. His in-game appearance is a guy wearing a white shirt, red shorts, red slippers, and a teddy bear head.

“Goddammit,” Cougar said as he tried to catch his breath, “Billy and that fucking stupid voice of yours…ahahaha…”

“I asked that question with that voice so many times to so many people while I was wandering around this game,” Billy mirthfully replied with his normal, mid-high voice, “And they were all freaking out and swearing so fucking much!”

“Yeah, yeah, we know that, Billy…ahahaha…” I said while I held my sides as I was on my knees.

“Yo…Kinshi…” Cougar added as he kept on gasping for air, “You know…any more…glitches…in this game…?”

“Meh, I don’t have any ideas right now,” I replied as I stood up. “Anyway, you still wanna keep on messing around?”

“Hell yeah, man!” Cougar, who had fully recovered, shouted with a middle finger high up in the air. “This is damn freaking virtual reality, and there’s so many shit that we need to do! Like VR sex! Oh yeah, I wanna go to the strip club again!”

“Hell yeah, alright!”

“To the strip club~ To the strip club~”

As we left our butt monkey friend to follow us to the strip club all by himself, the three of us stood and prepared our parachute packs near the edge of the skyscraper roof where we were standing on.

Yet again, I decided to make a hilarious scene out of what we were doing. I’m the hawk-masked Kinshi, the super prankster of the group. Making hilarity out of situations was something that I specialized in, and boy, did our group find so much fun out of my skills.

“What’s up, all you manly soldiers here?” I started with a very loud and energetic voice. “We all have a mission, and do you know what that mission is?”

“Go to the strip club!” Billy replied with his childish voice.

“And bang some hotties!” Cougar roared while he wiggled his fingers.

“Aaaaaaalright, soldiers! Good that you understand! But first, we need to jump off this building, land with style, and ride wild towards the club! Billy, you go first!”

And then I kicked Billy off the roof with a roundhouse kick.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaa…”

He screamed with his childlike voice as he fell, and Cougar and I laughed at how he reacted to my kick.

“Cougar! Show us your manly skydiving skills!”

“Oh, fuck yeah, I will! Feast your eyes on this hotness, all the hot women in the world! Whooooooooo~hooooooooooooo!”

And Cougar jumped off, doing multiple spins and flips in the air as he fell. As I thought that what he was doing wasn’t hilarious enough, I decided to take out my rocket launcher.

The manly Cougar exploded spectacularly after being kissed by the raging rocket. I decided to give him a salute for being a part of the creation of such a spectacular explosion.

After creating those hilarious scenes, I prepared to jump off…

[Attention, all players of Meat Hunter Online.]

And I would have jumped off if it weren’t for that deep and robotic voice.

[Attention, all players. Attention, all players. I, the creator of this game, have an important announcement for all of you.]

While I heard that voice, I suddenly felt like something was wrong with the place. The noise of cars, weapons, and even the wind suddenly went quiet, leaving the noise of the probably confused people around and below me.

I suddenly felt like something really bad was going to happen. And I felt like it was gonna be a very familiar situation, too.

[Several minutes ago, I have activated major adjustments in this game.]

Yup, it’s starting to feel very very familiar. I think it was something like some story from two centuries ago, back when VR tech for video games was growing? Tch, whatever, I needed to listen to this announcement carefully for now.

[These major adjustments will make a more realistic gaming experience for all of you players.]

My stomach suddenly felt like it was twisting and turning as a sinking feeling dragged it down.

[With the activation of these adjustments, the logout method has changed.]

“Don’t tell me that you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say…” I muttered as I opened the menu.

[The only ways for a player to logout are…]

My fears grew bigger when I saw my menu.

[…to defeat me, the boss of this world…]

I didn’t want to believe what the creator was going to say next. I don’t want to believe it.

[…or to die, which will cause your death in the real world. Oh, and removing your VR helmets will cause your death as well, as the helmets have high-powered microwaves built to fry your brain when they are removed within these conditions.]

Shit. I knew it. The situation that all VR tech makers, VR video game developers, and avid video gamers feared is happening.

[With the help of the virtual reality technology where this game operates, your in-game appearances will be changed to your appearances in real life.]

I didn’t want this happen, we were here just for fun, we didn’t want a death game, I didn’t want my friends to actually die, I just wanted to have fun, dammit, shit, fuck, fuck, shit, dammit, fuck…We just wanted to have some fun in these crappy lives of ours, we wanted to get out of all those fucking school work, we wanted to be free from our annoying parents and teachers, we don’t want to die, we just want to have fun, why is this happening, why why WHY?

This is just a dream. This is probably just a dream, right? If I just reset myself, I’d probably be alright, right? I’d meet my friends again, right? We’ll all be together again, and we can have all the fun we want, kill each other for fun, bang strippers for fun, and have fun all night long…haha…haha…This is probably a prank. Yeah, this is probably a prank. Haha…I know a prank when I see one…

The menu…reset, reset…oh yeah, resetting means shooting yourself in the head, and it costs five hundred dollars…Do I have enough cash? Yeah, I have enough cash…Tap that…Pull out a gun…Point it at my head…Pull the trigger…

The Woodflame mansion was greeted by a loud buzz as its family members except Clearvane, the eldest child, ate dinner together at the table. As for why Clearvane was not with his family at the dinner table, the Woodflame family members decided not to disturb their sleeping fellow family member who had been doing an impressive job of keeping the family business working well despite some troublesome aspects of his personality. As for the loud buzz, a maid, thinking that it was the buzzing of the doorbell, went to check outside the front door of the mansion and found no one.

It was only after ten minutes that the maids informed the rest of the Woodflame family about the smell of smoke that was coming out of Clearvane’s room. As Clearvane’s two younger siblings worriedly considered the possibility of their brother getting into a Sword Art Online incident (They were avid video gamers as well, but VR was something that they didn’t want to try after reading about a fictional story which featured the namesake of that incident as its title.), the Woodflame parents knocked on their eldest son’s door, which was locked. After several attempts and several silent responses, the Woodflame father broke the door down while he held great worry inside his heart.

What they found inside Clearvane’s room became a part of the worst tragedies in the history of the Clearvane family, and what they found also became a part of what became one of the biggest news topics in the early years of the 23rd century.

Still, until more than two years had passed after the first death in the Meat Hunter Online incident occurred, the Woodflame family never knew that Clearvane, also known as “Kinshi” within his small circle of close friends, had accidentally killed his close friends and then killed himself as despair swallowed his heart completely.

After they found out how his true feelings went while he lived, Clearvane Woodflame’s life became an important memory in the Woodflame family, and the Woodflames vowed to never let any of their family members live a life similar to Clearvane’s life.

Now that the links have been shown…it’s time to introduce a character.

Say hello to Takane Enomoto, people.

Maybe I should call this some sort of reintroduction, ’cause this girl is here is actually Ene…before she became Ene…Well, that’ll be explained further later on, but anyway…

Note: Takane is one of the two students in the Special Needs Class.

So, here, we have Takane Enomoto, one of the two students in the Special Needs Class (As for why she is in said class, you can find information about it–which wasn’t mentioned in the anime but was mentioned in the second light novel–here.).

So, this is the whole Special Needs Class.

Thanks to their homeroom teacher, Kenjirou Tateyama, telling the principal that his class had prepared a Special Project for their school’s cultural festival, the Special Needs Class is supposed to be making something for said festival.

As you can see in the above photo, the Special Needs Class was not supposed to do anything for the cultural festival…I guess Takane thinks they shouldn’t be doing anything for the cultural festival because they’re the Special Needs Class, but seriously, I don’t think they’re useless.

…

YOU’RE UNDERESTIMATING YOUR CLASS, TAKANE ENOMOTO!

…huff.

Looks like it’s time to go into high-energy mode. Brain, play some rock music.

THERE ARE GREAT THINGS THAT CAN BE MADE OUT OF LOW-BUDGET PROJECTS, TAKANE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND SENSEI, YOU THREE COULD HAVE MADE SOMETHING BETTER IF YOU STILL HAD THAT BUDGET THAT YOU SPENT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

SENSEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YOUR PRIORITIES ARE MESSED UP, SENSEEEEEIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

Hm, looks like I’ll have to switch my weapon for now…

Time to introduce another weapon, then…

Onward with your optimism…HARUKA KOKONOSE!

WORK THAT OPTIMISM, HARUKA!

SHOTS HAVE BEEN FIRED!

After some moments of hesitation from Takane and despair from Tateyama-sensei…

I CAN FEEL MORE OPTIMISM!

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

THIS!

IS!

AWESOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMME!

Oh, and by the way, this isn’t some sort of Gun Gale Online.

Honestly, for me, being a winner of some gaming tournament matters less than doing my best and having fun with playing the game. Also, MMOs aren’t that appealing to me. It looked really cool for me back then, but meh, it ended up becoming something hassling. Playing a game with small groups feels better.

By the way, Takane, so you can shoot zombies down really well, huh? Humanity will need good aiming skills in case of a zombie apocalypse. Also, combined with a proper moral sense, you can defend yourself from attackers without killing them! Why not try to be a morally upright Super High School Level Gunner, Takane Enomoto?

Okay, Haruka, help me out with showing her the offer to study in Hope’s Peak Academy here.

Okay, Takane, Haruka and I have something we need to tell you.

Also, we’re offering you a chance to study in Hope’s Peak Academy.

Oh wait, looks like she won’t be convinced by the invitation letter from Hope’s Peak Academy…

…because I actually have no invitation letter from Hope’s Peak Academy.

Okay, forget that joke Hope’s Peak Academy invitation, Takane. Let’s move on to a more serious topic, which is your self-deprecation issues.

But first…

Time for strange game time with this strange girl!

Also, here’s a crowd of gamers who are looking for you, Lightning Dancer Ene!

Ah, and I’ll be leaving the support to Haruka. My support can’t actually reach your zone, you see.

Ah, gaming can be a good way to form friendships. Freaking awesome! See, Takane, there’s at least one person who’d support you even if your interests are like that! Throw away your annoying self-deprecation, Takane! Also, thank you very much for your support, too, Haruka!

Looks like Takane needs some more getting used to when it comes to being called by her online username. Well, she can get better! Also, I hope you have fun times with Haruka when you play video games together!

Oh, and one more thing you shouldn’t forget:

Don’t be cocky, Takane. Don’t have an attitude like this guy’s bad attitude.

Good that you understand, Takane.

Good point, Takane.

And now, here are some rewards for your awesomeness in this episode, Takane!

An award for your class’s awesome festival booth!

Some gaming time with Haruka!

More time with Haruka!

And new and growing friendships! Freaking nuts!

Now that your self-confidence and social life has improved, Takane, there’s one thing that I want to tell you.

I hope that your danger sensors and mental defenses are working properly right now, Takane Enomoto. You’ll need them very very much, you know.

With that, I end my reflection on the sixth episode of Mekakucity Actors.

Up next: Konoha no Sekai Jijou!

If you have any thoughts that you would like to share, such as reflections of your own regarding the episode or comments on my writing style here, then feel free to talk about them in the comments section below!

The title of this post is long, but it sums up why I seek the truth. Oh, and by truth, I mean objective truth. Not truth that I accept just because popular opinion thinks that it’s truth. By the way, I hope your brain can handle a roller coaster ride through this presentation of my thoughts, dear reader.

This is probably gonna feel like the time when I read a text, which was for Art Studies 1 lesson, about the meaning of art, which happened yesterday. You’ll probably go “What?” at some times, and if you’re a practicing Roman Catholic like me, you’ll probably go “God, I’m confused, please help me” with a genuinely serious tone at some times as well. I do acknowledge the possibility of someone taking it calmly, though. Maybe medievalotaku can help me keep calm in this quest as well. Anyway…

I’ll talk about that text which talked about the meaning of art. Based on my efforts to understand the really academic text (Honestly, I like it better if the facts are delivered in easily understandable terms.), I seemed to have read a part (the first part, that is) of the text that said that the word “art” is something that a bunch of selfish nuts decided to make and use in order to gain power and control over society, and that the word “art” ended up becoming a term that them selfish nuts attached to stuff that fit their warped perspectives.

And then I ended up asking a question while the sound of thunder roared as thunderstorm clouds gathered in my mind.

WHAT IS ART?

So, yeah, while I was under the thunderstorm of confusion, I looked at the definitions of the word “art” in the Merriam-Webster dictionary app in my phone. I looked up the one that was suited for what I wanted to do in life (You know, art, as in for creative works.), and I found this:

: something that is created with imagination and skill and that is beautiful or that expresses important ideas or feelings

Okay, now, amidst the thunderstorm in my mind, I ended up reading some more parts of the first part, where it said that art is something that is willingly made by the artist and is an expression of what the artist really feels, something that is not a symbol of political or religious authority, something that is not meant to be used as propaganda, and something that is not meant to be used for routine purposes such as urinating.

Hmm…I wonder if thunderstorm clouds are already gathering in your mind after reading that previous paragraph.

Anyway, I would agree that art is definitely something that is willingly made by the artist, and that it’s a form of self-expression. Hmm…can self-expression be considered routine, though? Agh, I feel like I’m losing grasp on what art really is again…

Ah, and I guess that predicament of mine is an example of the troubles a truth seeker encounters. Words get twisted, like how them selfish nuts decided to control society’s perception of art into their selfish perspectives. Damn you, fog of lies. Also, I now feel like wanting to buy a PS Vita and Persona 4: Golden more quickly.

Anyway, I’m now wondering about what the true meaning of art is. This self-expression that I do in this post, the self-expression that I do in my fictional worlds…I wonder if they are art? I read that the word “art” was first used centuries ago and not a thousands of years ago. Now, the word “art” is attached to the simple act of drawing and a bunch of other stuff that’s really getting my mind more violently rainy.

God, I’m confused. Please help me.

Okay, after reading the second part of the text, which talked about how society should free itself from the grasp of them selfish nuts who do selfish things like twisting the perception of art into their selfish perspectives, I ended up reading about some thoughts regarding how art should be something that is free for everyone to perceive and make. I wonder if that’s what the author wanted to say, though. Ah, my humanity reveals its weaknesses yet again.

Being a truth seeker is tough. Please help me, God.

Well, during that storm, I ended up forming some definition of art based on several personal observations that I’ve made throughout my life. Art is a form of self-expression that fully comes from its creator. I think it was something like that. And as I thought about art and science, I looked up the meaning of “science” in the dictionary app in my phone, and I thought: There is art in science, and there is science in art. I wonder if it makes sense?

Heh, and then the day after I read that reading, which is today, I learned about language being used to control society.

Okay, I’ll use that uncomfortable learning experience in Fil 40 class as a stepping stone in my quest to seek and spread objective truth and true happiness. I–No, we need to clear the fog of lies and find the truth. By the way, I think that our desire for truth is something that we humans naturally have, considering how kids want to know more about the world and how the number of truth seekers in the world still hasn’t hit zero ever since the start of humanity’s existence. Ah, I’m guessing that there are a bunch of ignored people who sought the truth but remained in the shadows of history, too.

Ah, God, please help me.

And you know what, I feel like it’s too early for me to be thinking heavily like this. Step by step…step by step, you crazy bear. I’m just a 17-year-old college kid (Old educational system here in the Philippines has kids going to college after 10 years of basic education, which means kids are usually 16-years-old when they enter college), and a lot of people probably wouldn’t care about ramblings about thoughts on the meaning of art, seeing all the chaos happening in the world.

Well, maybe I shouldn’t be worrying too much about stuff like the meaning of art right now. I should focus on tearing selfishness and apathy apart first. The world needs more brave and kind people, and I want to be such a person and promote the beauty of goodness. As I do so, I should search and spread the truth carefully and clearly. No need to hurry. No need to rush. Just do your best, have fun, keep calm, and look at the bright side. You’ll learn the whole truth eventually. Oh, and don’t forget…

Decades ago, I was within a slowly flowing river of people. It was a sea tinted with many spots of yellow. I had a spot of yellow on me as well, but I only wore that color because I did not want to cause more trouble for my parents.

The sun was sickening during that day.

I was not interested in joining that sea of people during that wild but festive February day. After all, the history and present of my country was filled with defeats, division, and dictatorship. I could not see how this little archipelago in some corner of Asia would be able to get out of its shameful pile of sins.

And so, with thinly masked reluctance, I moved in circles. I looked at various directions as my ears took the sound of calm prayers and cheery songs, which I honestly didn’t tune out completely. Combined with the scenes of yellow-spotted people trying to fight without violence, the long and wide road was surprisingly interesting and calming.

Still, I felt fear. What if a soldier fired at one of the civilians? What if one of the civilians lost their cool and unleashed violence on one of the soldiers? What if this attempt at a revolution failed?

Chaos reigned again in my heart as I flowed along with the slow river of people. Left, right, up, down…my gaze moved to various directions as hope and despair clashed inside me. The prayers and songs were becoming unclear in my ears, while the scenery was becoming blurry in my eyes, but their clarity did not vanish completely.

A few moments after that hopeful thought presented itself in my mind, my fears started flooding my mind again.

There were tanks, and tanks were bad news.

I immediately tried to erase that one hopeful thought of mine when I saw the soldiers and their tanks and armored vans. With what I have known about the fellow Filipinos that I have met, it never ended peacefully. Someone would shoot. Someone would shoot back when shot. Blood will be inevitably spilled, even if many people fought without violence.

I began to think of going back to where my family was, but then I realized that I was within a river of people and that I forgot the exact location of my parents and siblings. I didn’t want to go through the trouble of pushing through people, so I decided to face forward, toward the tanks and armored vans that were standing in the river’s way.

As I anxiously waited, I slowly realized that I was hungry for hope.

The fear of the revolution failing filled my heart, yes, but still, my eyes and ears searched and took all the hopeful things that it could sense in the surroundings, consuming them all like a street kid who had not eaten for many days. Soldiers shouted orders to the crowd, but the civilians faced towards the opposition and kept their hold on each other’s arms, while nuns knelt with their rosaries in front of the armed metal giants and prayed.

It was an amazing sight. It was surprisingly awesome. In all those stories that I have known back then, attempts like this never ended peacefully. Despite the fears that were eating my heart, I was still amazed.

I guess I’m hungry for hope.

I began to stop erasing my hopeful thoughts when I thought that. All that time, I thought that hope wouldn’t come, but I still kept on hoping. I kept on hoping as the revolutionaries peacefully stood in the soldiers’ way for what seemed to be an eternity.

And what happened next surprised me again.

The soldiers retreated.

No shots were fired.

The voice of a broadcaster from Radio Veritas and the voices of the steadfast civilians…they suddenly became clearer.

The events were so surprising that I ended up crying quietly.

The sun suddenly became relieving while I cried.

Of all of my memories of those February days, that battle…that battle where no one died…that battle where no blood was spilled…that was the memory that I remembered the most.

That memory was what kept me going through life.

That memory was what led me to industriously helping my country get out of its shameful pile of sins, where it buries itself in again today.

That memory is what keeps me moving under the sun that sickened and relieved me at the same time.

Lately, I haven’t been getting enough sleep. As in, for several days, I’ve ended up getting less than eight hours of sleep per day.

And now, the butt-biters are clinging to my butt like flexible excavators. They’re probably interested in the sin-stained waste that’s waiting to be excreted through the hole in my butt. And now that I’m looking at my sins like they were poop, well…I feel like I can see the true ickiness factor of my sins yet again.

Also, lately, this stupid lack of sleep has been messing up my motivation in making stuff like this. Like, the hard work feels like lifting a cabinet that’s too heavy for my underdeveloped arm muscles.

Oh yeah, I gotta bring some dumbbells when I head to my boarding house. I need to develop my muscles. Also, push-ups. For the sake of my underdeveloped upper body muscles and my slowly-getting-crooked posture.

Okay, let the music in your ears flow through your mind and heart, Tobby. Gather inspiration…

And, you know, that bad habit gets worse if you’ve got problems like computer addiction…or specifically, Internet addiction. Damn you, addiction. You help no one at all, you know. The Internet can be a nice place to hang out in, playing games and making artworks in my computer can be relaxing, but too much is freaking bad, of course.

Also, another problem that came along when the Lack of Sleep + Internet Addiction combo attacked is Procrastination. Damn you again, procrastination. Still, thank you for reminding me about the importance of sleep. Also, I’ll still kick your crotch and butt, though. I need sleep, yeah, but I need to have it at the appropriate times. You’re annoying, especially when you team up with lack of sleep and Internet addiction. So many interesting artwork ideas are swimming in my head…and then lack of sleep attacks my concentration, while Internet addiction and procrastination team up to mess my soul up even more. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget my pornography addiction, too. I WANT TO BE SAVED FROM THAT STUPID ADDICTION AS WELL. Damn you, addiction. The death penalty is suited for evil concepts like you, and there are so many ways for humanity to rain punishment upon your stupid faces. You may revive over and over thanks to humanity’s potential for evil, but you shouldn’t forget humanity’s potential for goodness, which will never stop chasing you down and beating you up, just like how you evil concepts try to chase down and beat up the good concepts.

Oh yeah, speaking of health and morality, lack of sleep sounds like some mind-and-soul-targeting version of HIV. It sucks when your resistance against evil is compromised, you know.

Well, it’s a good thing that there are known cures for lack of sleep. Like listening to some uplifting music while drawing something, which can be pretty sweet! Or putting away your gadgets in a place where you can’t reach them while you try to find something more worthwhile, which can be pretty bitter. Talking with family and friends about your problems can help, too, since keeping the problem all to yourself would call more butt-biters.

Hm…I think I got bitten by so many butt-biters when I was an elementary school student because I refused to accept my family’s support. Those were very painful days. Like, I guess it’s like having a leg cramp that won’t go away while it shocks you with sudden jolts of pain signals sent towards your brain. Or maybe a stiff neck would make a better comparison. Yeah, stiff neck. I’ve been having that lately, too. Freaking nuts, it hurts. Hm, maybe my old pessimistic crybaby days were as painful as a leg cramp + stiff neck combo. Damn, those days hurt. But they sure did help learn some valuable life lessons! Still, being in that state is something that I don’t want to be in ever again. It sucks being in that sort of state, you know.

While you try to build and nurture friendships, make sure that you take care of yourself as well, you crazy bear.

Anyway…

I guess you won’t be seeing me posting a lot in the following days. I guess I’ll make posting on my blog something that I do at least once a week.

Now, daily routine calls me yet again.

And before I go back to shellcracking outside the electronic ocean, I’ve got one question for you, ’cause I believe that you people out there–you people who are reading this post–can give me valuable help in dealing with these problems of mine. Now, my question to you is…

Got any advice, Mr. Sandman?

The Sandman (Uri-san’s Sandman, that is) is a pretty nice guy, and I feel like he can relate to my horrid experiences with lack of sleep and even give me some advice on dealing with lack of sleep.