I like to remind myself of this frequently–God often does (has done) things very differently than I expect. Often that fact amazes me. At times, it frustrates me. Usually, it surprises me; although I’m not sure why. Pride perhaps? Maybe I think I know the proper way, the best way, circumstances and people could be fixed?

If I were not convinced of God’s love and kindness, I surely would be unable to lift my head from shame remembering the many times I have doubted Him and His ways. The numerous times I have questioned Him. Sadly, there have been far TOO MANY. Why? Human nature? My personality? A lack of faith? A combination of all of those reasons and more, I suspect.

And yet, God continues to pursue a relationship, a friendship, with me. Not just put up with and allow a friendship, but actually pursue one. There are no words to express what I think and feel about that truth. To be able to be who I am, nothing held back, before a powerful and holy God…that is, well, that is a reason to get up each morning, isn’t it?

I serve a God who went about everything differently than what was expected– from the way His Son came to earth as a weak, vulnerable baby, to how He humbly served and loved humans, to how He died, a humiliating, agonizing death. His humility astounds me. Why would He do all that?

Quickly I am reminded of how little I understand about true love, true selflessness. True, pure power. I’ve just admitted how many times I’ve brazenly doubted and questioned Him. Maybe I am feeling sentimental today because I’m sick. I guess, when I’m feeling especially weak physically it is easy to recognize how weak I truly am as I stand before Him. Any strengths I felt I had, any especially compelling “arguments” I once felt I could raise in His presence to prove my worth–they melt away. And there I stand weak and stripped of everything but my weakness and a profound need and reliance upon Him…for everything. And I am not rejected. He does not turn away. (A high price was paid for this weakling.)

This beautiful and humble, yet knee-trembling terrifying, and mighty King–He holds my life and complete devotion in His hands. To do with as He wishes. He alone is able to transform devoted weaklings into mighty followers.