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Lee’s Advice

The other day, I was eating at the grill. It was a cold, blistery day (whatever that means), so there were many people lounging around stuffing themselves with low quality food, and talking with one another at a volume that makes it downright amazing that people can actually get homework done there. I walked down the stairs that lead to the grill, and I immediately took in this panoramic view, while I mumbled to myself, “Ah, it’s going to be a good day.” Then SMACK! My aesthetic optimism about the day was subsequently crushed and then violently stomped on, like a bug under a shoe. It was complete decimation. What event lead me to such an extreme mood swing? I have two words for you: mozzarella sticks.

Mozzarella sticks have always been a fan favorite of many of the students here at Dordt College. I knew this to be true, so I walked up to the cashier and ordered some mozzy sticks for the first time this year, to keep up with the ebb and flow of Dordt society. The cashier quietly says back, “That’ll be 3 dollars and 75 cents please.” I was completely awestruck, and my tongue retracted back to the rear of my mouth, leaving me incapable of any sort of intelligent speech.

To put this erroneous price into perspective, let me show you what else you can buy at the grill with that same amount of money. You can buy 2 crispy chickens and still have 25 cents left over. You can nearly buy the burger of the week combo, which includes fries and a drink, for only 50 cents more than the mozzy sticker price. In fact, you can buy 2 burgers, 2 cheeseburgers, or really 2 of almost anything for still less than the price of the mozzarella sticks. It is honestly outrageous,

and that is why I’m creating a petition to mandate price equality within the grill. It would be one thing if these expensive mozzarella sticks were served by the ton, or at least in a quantity that fits the inflated price. But no….they come in fours. Yes, that’s right. Your 3.75 only buys you 4 mozzarella sticks, and these sticks are only like 1.5 inches long. Let’s compare this to fries. Fries come in like 50’s, and the standard fry is much longer than the standard mozzarella stick.

Long story short, anybody who buys the mozzarella sticks is getting extremely ripped off. So as the title of this column says, here is my advice: don’t buy the mozzarella sticks. If you absolutely can’t resists the mozzarella sticks, then at least bargain down the price with the cashier so that you are getting ripped off to a lesser extent. Adding to this, make sure you sign my petition to lower the mozzarella stick price. That is all I have for you this week. Good day.