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Thursday, January 25, 2007

The Rumors Of My Death Have Been Greatly ExaggeratedWell, maybe not too much

As my buddy, Former Altar Boy just posted, I've been out of the loop for about a week now. What happened was, I was having some "stomach trouble" for the past few months and was finally getting off my keester to get it checked out. I thought it was either ulcers or a hyatial hernia.

Turns out it was neither. Last Thursday I was literally knocked off my feet at work and was rushed to the Emergency Room. Long story short, it turns out there were huge blood clots blocking my small bowel. We were told that the mortality rate for someone in my stage was fairly high. We were also informed that if the clots were on the left or right side of the bowel, then I wouldn't make it off the table. My only chance was if the clots were dead center. And thanks be to God, they were.

Over the next two days, I was given Last Rites twice by my wonderful, but wishes to remain anonymous, parish priest. I don't remember the 2d Last Rites, but on the first one, I remember him being clear, calm and straightforward. He would ask me "Do you understand what I just said?", and "Now slowly say your Penance to me". What an excellent priest. And that exactly what The Church needs.... priests like him. Not some Lay "Committee Member" to show up at the hospital and pretend to be a priest and rub oils all over my forehead.

My wife brought a crucifix in for me, and she made sure I had it with me up until I being taken into surgery. Mrs Caveman also told me that as I was going under, I started saying (rather loudly), the Ave Maria over and over. I wish I would have remembered that.... that would've been COOL!

Well gang, my abdomen is swollen out like I'm six months pregnant; due to the scar going from sternum to below the navel, my daughter tells me that my lucrative career as a Speedo model is over; and the Percocet has gotten my pretty well loopy.

I'll be posting a little less than usual, but still posting nonetheless. I'll be out of work for at least six more weeks.

39 Comments:

Cave Man,Have spoken to designated individuals. We have you in our prayers. However, it takes a whole hell of a lot to kill a Marine! I think you have many more years of kicking-up dirt on the U.S. Conference of Confused Bishiops to go.

I'll be asking Saints Luke, Panteleimon, Seraphim of Sarov and John of San Francisco to pray for you as well. Now why aren't the other cavemen picking up the slack? I have plenty to say for Cavey and I'm not even on the board.

The "clots were dead centre"...nothing else can be expected from a Marine.

"The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of shit because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?"

You look far too young to be having gut problems. We older people learn to live with failing digestive systems and, my health insurance company, "Just Offer It UP," doesn't encourage us to get any medical help. Your experience, however, alerts me to not take the cramps and pains so casually ... thanks for sharing your story. You are in our prayers! Get well soon.