Today’s Old School Thursday Review comes from a Scooby Doo aficionado who refuses to tell all of you “meddling kids” my true identity—not even for a handful of #ScoobySnacks, so don’t try that distracting doggy-dance with me. Just know that I’m determined to kidnap all of the members of the Blog Tour de Force’s “Masquerade” event before the week is through, and I think that Mr. Wickles got the shaft in that Black Knight episode.

What have I done with Jeremy, you ask? Bwahh haa haa! #evillaughter. My lips are sealed on that one, but I will tell you that he is chained up along with Velma. #zoiks. Speaking of shafts, I threw Fred down a deep one in the old mine that the freaky Miner Fortyniner haunts under Gold City—good riddance to Fred! I hope the Miner Fortyniner finds him alone in the dark and adds him to the dearly departed list. #spooky

So, are you and that pretty little Daphne chic sneaking around in The Mystery Machine, listening to some groovy music while trying to figure out who I am under this mask? Well, you better put your heads together and see if you can bribe Shaggy and Scooby to join you, because you’re going to need all of the help you can get to nail those extra Kindle entries for every correct guess you make this week?

What’s that? You need a couple more clues before you can make your guess? I’ve already given you seven, which I think was downright kind of me. Maybe you’d better dig out that treasure map, retrace your steps, and spend a day reading Jeremy’s fun book, Toonopolis: Gemini. If you want to hear more about Toonopolis: Gemini, you can read reviews from his tour sponsors here: Book Bags and Cat Naps, Bookworm Castle, and Fans of Fiction.

But watch out for Charlie the Robot and that sinister Ghost Clown #creepy. I spied both of them at the Funland Circus, chasing away nosy kids like you. #troublemakers

What’s that? Why am I determined to rid the blogosphere of all of the authors in this week’s Blog Tour de Force’s Masquerade? Because their books are too darn good for my comfort. How is a shady character like me supposed to succeed as an evil masterminded author when these writers come along and mess everything up? Captain Cutler’s Ghost and I have plans. Big plans to steal that Kindle the IBC folks think they are giving away at the end of this tour.

Original art by CS Kunkle: www.cskunkle.com

Then along dances Amber Scott with her mesmerizing Soul Search book, sniffing where she shouldn’t be sticking her nose. Next comes Lacey Weatherford (The Demon Kiss) #witchy, Augusto Pinaud (The Writer) #secrets, and Elena Gray (Widowmaker) #wild—all three authors are determined to uncover my best laid plans for devilry and debauchery. Vickie Keire tosses her #exciting Gifts of Blood next on the alter; meanwhile, Rachel Thompson and Kelli McCracken are over there spinning their web about The Evil Within #wicked.

As if that wasn’t enough of a distraction from my evil deeds, I have to try my best to ignore several more talented authors: Belinda Boring with her Cherished #werewolves; Ann Charles and her Dance of the Winnebagos #humanbones; Maxwell Cynn with The Collective #chillingthriller; M. Todd Gallowglas and his First Chosen #darkgodofvengeance; and Jackie Chanel with Change of Heart #heartmatters.

You thought I’d give away my identity by leaving my name off of the list of other authors, didn’t you? #moreevillaughter. No, I’m not as stupid as Zeb Perkins and his idiot pal, Zeke, when they were looking for the sunken armored car. You’re going to have to work for this one. And don’t count on Shaggy and Scooby to help you stumble onto the truth, I’ve put the Ghost of Redbeard on their tails.

But I will give you one more hint: Just like Johnny Cash sings, “I’ve been everywhere, man.”

Now guess away, you interfering kids, because every commenter gets a free ebook of Jeremy’s Toonopolis: Gemini. You heard me: EVERY commenter. Be sure to leave your email address, too, so that Jeremy can let you know when his next Old School review hits his website.

Your comments will also enter you into Jeremy’s to-die-for prize package called “Cartoons Through The Years,” which includes one (1) Looney Tunes Golden Collection DVD set, one (1) Animaniacs Volume 1 DVD set, and one (1) autographed hardcover copy of Toonopolis: Gemini, Jeremy’s Kindle bestselling cartoon novel. Each commenter will receive one entry into a drawing by Random.org’s random number selector for the prize package.

Now get on outta here before I sic my attack dog on you. But leave that bag of Scooby snacks, unless you want me to set free the Mummy of Ankha to wrap you up tight and drag you off to where I’m hiding Jeremy.

Comments

comments

Jeremy

I am an overeducated stay-at-home dad to two wonderful sons. I have a BA in Religion and English Writing and an MA in Education. I worked briefly as a high school English teacher before we opted to keep me home when my second son was born in 2010.

Amber and Rachel? No, but I have stolen their Avatars this a.m., as well as Ann’s. I have found this big pile of Avatars all of the silly authors on this tour left in the break room. They should have known better!

When you smile at me like that, Allyson, you make me want to kidnap you, too.

If Ann Charles went to a Monster Ball, she’d dress up as a evil piece of lint–that’s how NON-evil she is. I, on the other hand, would show up as myself and all of the other monsters would flee in terror.

Miranda, your husband’s smart phone needs more of Jeremy to keep his sanity.

O.M.G. I have never seen so many #hashtags used in a blog post. At this point I have zero clue as to the person who wrote this blog post. Trust in the fact that I now have a page full of notes . . notes that I hope will make some good clues later, when I can try and put the pieces together. I will be back with a guess of who wrote this, until then . . as my DADDY always says: It’s Five O’clock somewhere . . I’m finding a drink.

Ah, Maxwell, I’ve been looking for you! I have had thumbscrews made customized to fit you perfectly. The evil plans I have for you are numerous and full of horrors that would make Vincent Price scream like a little girl. Come here, my sweet!

Sherry–wrong answer! You should have been a fan of the bad guys, not Scooby. For that, you will be thrown in my deepest, darkest dungeon and tickled to insanity with feathers! You’ll find Ann already down there, laughing hysterically.

Heather, you are most welcome–I love performing evil deeds here and there, especially when it involves Scooby and Velma (that girl’s neck is so long it’s just weird). I’d really like to get my evil mitts on Daphne and chain her to me in Princess Leia (Return of the Jedi) style. I’d love to yank her chain every time she gets smart.

Sue, Sue, Sue. what am I going to do with you? Maybe what I did with Ann, who is now spinning endlessly on a Ferris Wheel. That will teach both of you meddling kids for trying to guess who I am behind this evil mask.

Maggie, Augusto sends his love from the hot tub full of grape popcicles where my minions are carrying out my evil wishes for him. Nice guess, but now I think I’ll capture you and add you to my to-be-tortured list.

Diana, Rachel can’t talk right now to deny this–I have her hooked up to that Willy Wonka blue-berry making machine. She’s about the size of 2000 lb. pumpkin currently and still inflating as she keeps chewing the mouthful of full-course-meal gum. Just wait until she gets to the watermelon dessert. Gallagher is standing by with his big rubber mallet.

Pinky, Amber is all tied up right now. That’s right, I have her wrapped up tight in a straight jacket over in on of my evil holding pens as I decide what to do with her next. So much evil, so little time.

Your support is honorable. Would you consider coming over to the dark side? I could use a loyal subject like yourself.

You think you have won Evil Fonzie! *Pinky whips out magic wand – Woosh! Evil Hounds are now Pound Puppies! Spies Amber tied in side room, Woosh, the bars are now Licorice whips. Rips them apart and turns Amber’s ties into sparkles and they fall to the floor. Grabs Amber’s hand and pulls her out the back door. Ha Evil Fonzie, Now I have Amber and one flick of my wand and you are now a Muppet! Grabbing Amber’s hand again and running through the woods away from this horrid place.

Very Unhappy Evil Fonzie on October 20, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Pinky, that wasn’t Amber. It was my clone of Amber that I created just to fool you. I have the real Amber tucked away where you’ll never find her–she’s way too precious to me to allow you to so easily snatch her.

Oh, and that wasn’t me you turned into a muppet–it was Vicki. I had a feeling you’d try to use your wand on me. Minions, go get Vicki and bring me the de-muppetizer. This isn’t going to be pretty…

Rhonda, if you’re looking for Lacey, she’s incapacitated at the moment. I have her buried up to her neck in powdered sugar in the middle of a pen full of twenty puppies. Those dogs love to lick and slobber. Poor, poor Lacey. She shouldn’t have tried to interfere with my plans to take over this Blog Tour! Bwah ha ha!

Michelle, since you profess your love for me, I will only torture you a little, and then I will brainwash you until you are my full-time evil sidekick. Oh, the evil deeds we will do. You shall then see the full glory of my take-over-the-world plan and love me even more.

As for Ann–she is currently recovering from the forced hot dog eating contest I made her enter (she came in second to Amber Scott, who is now in a detox tank–it’s not pretty).

Marlene, Toonopolis is fun! You’ll love it like I did. You know what else is fun that you’ll love? Watching my minions tickle Jeremy to hysterics with feathers to his bare feet and cat hairs up his nose.

Terry, I like the way you call me “evil mastermind.” I just may brainwash you and make you the ruler of my minions! As for Maxwell, he’s being tortured in my Heavy Metal chamber where I crank Heavy Metal music for hours on end until my victims heads nod continually even when it’s silent.

Meg, it is sooooo not Vicki. The evilest thing Vicki has ever done is swat a puppy’s butt with a newspaper, and even then she did it very lightly and whimpered for an hour after about how bad she felt. Oh no, Vicki can’t handle this kind of evil, but when I’m done torturing her with endless flashing pictures of unicorns and rainbows and lollipops, she just might be able to handle it!

I can’t wait to read this book! It looks fascinating!!!!! I have an idea that you are Maxwell Cynn as well, since you seem to have a personality which would fit into “The Collective”! Ah well, I’m not the best guesser. But my email addy is:

Marsha, you really think I could fit in with Maxwell’s Collective? Excellent! Althought I am capable of even more various evil deeds, and you shall see as the day rolls on and I tortore more and more authors and commenters. What a great day for some evilry!

Enjoy Jeremy’s book…I’ll allow you that before sending my minions after you!

No, not Rachel. Not unless she has escaped from the evil Miner Fortyniner, who was last scene dragging Rachel down to where he’s holding Fred and doing all kinds of evil deeds to him. Poor, poor Rachel. But I think she had a little crush on Fred, so maybe they’ll fall in love and then I torture them even more, using their love against them. Ha! Brilliant!

Listen you big Evil thug, I’ve escaped your evil clutches and now I’m going to get Scooby and Shaggy, and after some swell times cruising and jamming in the Mystery Machine, we’re going to come here and kick your evil butt! You haven’t seen the last of me.

Ann, what you don’t realize is that while I had you knocked out and tied down on my evil laboratory table, I installed a mind control device in your brain. You are now MINE at the touch of a button…just like this. (ZAP!) That’s right, Ann, now come here and tell me how much you love and worship my evilness. Good girl! Here’s a Scooby Snack.

Brenda, if you think that being new will save you from my web of evil, you are right–I’m going to lasso you with evil black rope instead and drag you off to a den of torture filled with talking Hello Kitty stuffed animals and Strawberry Shortcake dolls. Don’t for a minute think this will be fun. There is so much pink in that room that your tears will turn pink, your hair will turn into pink cotton candy, and you will be nothing but a giggling and drooling mess by the time I release you.

Blackwolf, are you related to the evil werewolf those meddling kids unmasked back in the early 70s?

It’s unfortunate that you guessed Vicki. Now I will unlatch the trap door under your feet and you will fall into my pit of toothless crocodiles where you will be gummed and slobbered on until I decide what to do next with you.

I’ll allow you to read Jeremy’s awesome book while you’re down there. Isn’t that kind of me? I know. Who knew evil could be so nice?

I was going to guess Maxwell Cynn, but then you wouldn’t be having conversations with yourself (or would you?). So now my guess would be Rachel Thompson… I’m leaning more towards Rachel now just because her book is titled The Evil Within and she seems hashtag savvy enough 😉

Winnie, Rachel pines away at her writing desk wishing she could have even a fraction of a fraction of the evil I have running through my black heart. Compared to me, she’s a Goody Two-Shoes Shirley Temple twin. But for taking the time to guess, I will reward you with a copy of Jeremy’s excellent book and a trip to my Evil Chamber of State Capitals, where you will be quizzed to recite and spell the U.S., Canadian, and Mexican states and state capitals. For each wrong guess, you will be forced to lick a frozen flag pole, so you’d better not miss a single one. Study up and read Jeremy’s book while I prep the flag pole for licking.

Guess Who, you sure know how to use the pretty words! I think I will make you my personal slave for eternity, and I mean that in a good and evil way. I’ll will be over to share some evil-flavored, smoking drinks with you as soon as I shoo away all of these meddling kids.

Sonya, you should wish it was Amber. She’s one of those “nice” authors who smiles all pretty and sweet and gives away lovely parting gifts. I, on the other hand, also give away parting gifts–like frog lips, eyes of newts, and bat fingernails. And these are what I’m giving you, along with a bubbling bath of witches brew from my chamber of evil witches, which is where I’m sending you. When they are done, you’ll be green, wear pointy shoes, and have a lovely big nose and cackle. That will teach you for thinking I’m Amber, who I’m now torturing in a room full of bagpipe playing men who are not wearing anything under their kilts BUT SHOULD BE. Amber will not come out of this one sane, I’m sure!

Well this guessing is hard work, as I am clueless about clues and unless I have an entire book full of them I may have to resort to using scooby dooby dooby do, which mysterious masquerading author are you, shaggy told me to pick you! to come up with a guess. My guess was going to be Maxwell Cynn, but he wrote to tell you how wonderful your post is, then again if you are really evil that is probably what you would have done anyway thinking to pull tricksties on us. Then again I have not had the pleasure of meeting C. West yet and I don’t know, but maybe just maybe I should go with the unknown here LOL Well my brain is worn out and I must go grind and brew a fresh pot – just to stay functioning the rest of the day, so let me share a cuppa with you and thank you for the fun. I had Toonopolis, but in one of life’s ereader tragedies it went off into the black hole, so am pleased to be able to receive a copy of this fun read.

dz59001[at]gmail[dot]com

Master of all Evil Minions and Bad Kitties on October 20, 2011 at 2:57 pm

Denise, I will give you two things–a copy of Jeremy’s ebook and a dip in my shark tank that I currently have filled with sticky gummi worms (the sharks are off having their teeth sharpened). If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to eat your way out of this and escape with your life … unless I decided to add the sharks back in before you finish. Bwah ha ha!

Yikes. I have no idea. Could it be you Old Man Jenkins? Just remember your Wicked Evil-doer Mastermind Supremeness that Scooby always saves the day. Will I find the answer in Jeremy’s amazing book? I hope to read it soon. (But if I have to guess who you are – I’ll guess Maxwell Cynn).

E.Bard, I will let you live only because you used my proper name, not because you guessed wrong. I will also let you have a copy of Jeremy’s super cool book, but I will go pull Maxwell from my dark and dank dungeon and drag him to my torture den where I will paint his toenails florescent pink, put him in a pair of platform sandals and miniskirt, and make him strut down the cell hallways where I keep my favorite depraved prisoners. I may put him in a Dolly Parton wig while I’m at it. Do you think he’ll make a hot blonde? The prisoners will let us all know.

Vickie, you shouldn’t have guessed Ann. I was just telling my second in command that the next commenter who guesses “Ann” will receive a special voodoo torture involving pokes, pinches, pains, and purple people eaters. As for Ann, I do believe I’ll throw her in the pit of toothless, lisping pythons where she will be coated in snake spit with every hissssss.

Oh, sweet Angela, how wrong you are. Before I dole our my evil punishment, I will make sure my minions get you a copy of Jeremy’s entertaining book–maybe you will be able to forget the torture I have planned for you, which I think will involve chocolate bunnies, cinnamon red hots, and pop rocks. Hmmm, let me consult my evil recipe book…

Velma schmelma! Enjoy Jeremy’s book, because as soon as you’re finished, I will send my evil do-badders your way to drag you back to my evil dungeon filled with other do-gooders like Snow White and those dang Disney princesses and princes. Blah! Muwah ha ha!

Eden, you wish it was Rachel. She would be so much easier on you and your meddling friends than I will. Where did the ghost of Red Beard go? He was asking if you were going to show up today and begged to be allowed to drag you off to his evil pirate ship and make you scrub the poop deck before walking the plank.

Amanda, you and all of the other Maxwell Cynn-accusing commenters will be thrown together in the gladiator pen to fight my most-evil monsters–the one-eyed snootleofogus and the nine-armed crymongerpus. Maybe I will allow you each a toothpick with which to fight these beasts…maybe not. Bwah ha ha ha!

Have fun with Jeremy’s book! It will be the last fun you’ll have before the battle.

Tasha, because you guessed Lacey, I’m going to give you one of Jeremy’s books. And then I’m going to airdrop you into the center of my huge pit of one thousand angry bunnies and give you only one carrot with which to pacify them. Good luck. Bwah ha ha!

Melora, Ann is a sore spot for me–she keeps trying to escape by chewing through her ropes. Who knew her teeth were that sharp? I have her strapped down while we work on filing down her teeth a bit, so try again, you meddling kid!

I hope you enjoy Jeremy’s fun book and the side helping of fish eyes I’m going to have shipped to you.

I do believe I’m going to have to convert Maxwell into my evil sidekick, as so many of you believe he is the one wearing my mask. We’ll start with a full frontal labotomy for him, and then add a jaunty pirate shirt with plenty of ruffles when we’re all done. Oh, he will make such a fun sidekick.

Unfortunately for you, I will not be so kind. To the dungeon with Sarah! (I’ll let you read Jeremy’s most-excellent book while you each your gruel down there.) Muwha ha ha!

Jordan, I really wish you hadn’t guessed M. Todd Gallowglas. No, wait. On second thought, I’m glad you did. Now I will torture the two of you together, and you can explain to him how you got him into this mess. He will not be happy to be removed from his previous torture den where we were force-feeding him candy corn until it came out his ears. My plans for you two are much more diabolical. Oh, yes. Much more.

Maybe he’ll read your new copy of Jeremy’s book to you while you wait for me to begin.

I love how many of you think Maxwell is the face behind my evil mask. I’ve decided to definitely make Maxwell my evil sidekick. He sounds wonderfully ruthless–just what I love in an author.

Mr. Rodden is well, but I’ve recently received word that we left him with a device that has allowed him to contact others. Fortunately, I have him locked away in such a dark, ominous place that he has no idea where to have help come and free him. Ah, isn’t the level of my evil just glorious? Yes, I know. I’m incredible.

I will allow you a copy of Mr. Rodden’s fabulous tale; however, I will be sic-ing Maxwell on you as soon as the brainwashing is complete. What shall we call him? Maxwell the Mad? Maxwell of Mordor? Mad Max has been overused, so that’s no good…

I can see by all of the “Rachel” guesses that like Maxwell, she has a nice and lovely evil streak running through her. Perhaps I have underestimated her ability to do evil deeds. Minions! Bring me the evil Rachel temptress! Leave her mouth taped shut, though. I’ve heard her humor, wit, and snarkiness is incredible. I won’t be sidetracked by her lovely lips.

As for you, Christy–off with your head! WAIT! That was the wrong book. I think I’ll just throw you in my pit of bitter bakers chocolate where you will be constantly tempted by the dark liquid only to be disappointed every time you taste it. You can read Jeremy’s awesome book while you dog paddle.

I’m guessing Rachel in the OC, because there are so many bloggers/authors who I enjoy and I can’t guess them all. I can’t wait to read Toonopolis:Gemini! And the latest entry is making me listen to my Animaniacs’ CDs over and over again and wander around the house singing “I’m Cute”.

You meddling kids just keep trying to guess who I really am. I have to give you all kudos for your persistence. Then I’ll take those kudos away and throw you all in the dungeon with the tour authors. Suzsqueak, I give you a copy of Jeremy’s book to read to your chained cohorts while you all wait for my next ingenious torture plan.

It’s unfortunate for Ann that you brought her to my attention again. I think I will now take her cowboy hat and those purple boots she loves so much and dump them in my tank of acidy goo. That will make her spit and sputter! Muwah ha ha ha!

I hope you can enjoy reading Jeremy’s fantastic book over the sounds of Ann’s cursing.

Toonopolis is an excellent tale, and I highly recommend it while I have Jackie and you strapped in my mad-scientist’s laboratory and select all of the cruel torture-filled options I plan to deliver upon you both. I think I’ll start with the dreaded nose-hair puller. (Rubbing hands together.)

There’s no doubt in my mind that the evil-minded cantankerous Scooby-trained Ann Charles has done the deed. Watch out or she’ll tickle you with a pterodactyl feather over a pit of ground squirrels. jacquierogers@gmail.com

Anita, you just so casually throw out Belinda, offering her to me like a plate of roast chicken. Well, I like chicken, and I like to torture, so I will torture Belinda, who is not a chicken, but deserves some torture anyway.

As for you, ya meddling kid, take that book of Jeremy’s and run far and fast, because my evil chihuahua hounds need some exercise. They are getting chubby.

Laura, I can tell you with a clear conscious (does an Evil Mastermind ever have a clear conscious? Or is it always clear?) that Maxwell is now my personal assistant thanks to the full on brain erasing that I did during dinner time. He fought honorably, but when faced with so many videos of kittens playing with string and puppies snuggling together in a pile, the man had no hope…especially after hours of listening to It’s A Small Small World. Maxwell makes a great P.A.–so dutiful. I think I will keep him FOREVER (ta da dummmmm).

I will allow you one copy of Jeremy’s book, and then I will wrap you in a huge lettuce leaf and toss you into a cage of gerbils. Oh, the humanity!

Tricia, you sound so certain for someone who is now dangling over a pit of hissing cockroaches. Are you sure you want to stick with that answer? If you are wrong, the rope will be cut. If you are right, the rope will still be cut. You see, I love the soothing sound of cockroach hisses. My dear mother played a hissing cockroach soundtrack for me every night while I was in my crib. I miss her so. Who’d have known she would succumb to torture so quickly. Sniffle sniffle.

I’ll allow you a free copy of Jeremy’s fun-filled book just because I’m such a nice Evil Mastermind.

Minions! Grab Jenna and throw her into the dungeon with Velma! Allow her one copy of Jeremy’s book in order to preserve her sanity and make her laugh–I want her brain soft and supple when I’m ready to begin my torture.

Phaedra, you really shouldn’t have guess M. Todd G. Just when I was thinking I’d allow you to escape since I’m in the middle of my strawberry shortcake dessert, you mention that man’s name. Ah, the evil plans I now have for you. I hope you can swim, because I have my evil shark tank full of goldfish now and nobody told me that those little cheddar crackers shouldn’t be submersed in water. Minions, bring Phaedra the sponge and sucky thingy. Into the tank with you. You’re lucky Jeremy’s wonderful book is waterproof.

Hey Evil-One! Don’t know who you are, but your different names are really clever! BTW – what are th hasmarks all about? Is it a Twitter thingy? I’m not hep to what symbols the kids are using today!
And to Jeremy – thanks for the book!

Hashtags are Twitter fun. Tell you what I’m going to do for you–I’m going to lock you up in the same smelly little cell as Rachel (she claims not to be responsible for the smell). Rachel is the queen of hashtags. She speaks half English/half Hashtags. I think she’s renamed her kids with hashtags. I recently made her into one of my second in commands, but she got mouthy, so I locked her up. She will tell you all about them if you ask.

LizzieBeth, bwah ha ha! You think Augusto could pull off all of the evil I’ve done today? The man can be bribed with coffee and vodka. He has a weakness that can be exploited, which is exactly what I used to lure him in and capture him. I have him buried up to his chin in coffee beans as we speak. Last I checked, he’s trying to eat his way out. The acid in his stomach alone is all of the torture I need.

I hope you enjoy Jeremy’s fun-tastic book … while I pack soap under your fingernails.

LOL!! This was the best post yet! What a blast! Mystery Evil Extremist, you are my new hero!! My guess is Ann Charles..you should let that woman breath for a while…that was beyond cruel torture!! Can’t wait to read the book!!!viajeradelmar@aol.com

Nikki, I like you. I think I will torture you only a little and then I will have my minions kiss your feet and carry you around on their boney shoulders. You might want to stuff Charmin Toilet Paper in your shorts though. As for Ann–she is nothing but trouble. Meddling trouble. I think I will fill her purple boots and underwear full of earth worms and stick her in my big bird cage.

Have fun reading Jeremy’s book–it’s excellency is the main reason I kidnapped him. I don’t like that kind of competition with my evil brilliance.

Donna, Ann is only a popular guess because everyone likes to watch me torture her. She truly is fun to torture, along with Maxwell and Rachel, so have both been brought to my attention repeatedly. I think I will throw all three of them into a big vat of chili with habeneros. Have a splendid time reading Jeremy’s excellent story. Maybe I will allow him to have a computer in his cell so that he can write more stories for us.

Wow, at least people here are getting tortured like I am on Elena Gray’s blog! Although this torturer is much more attentive. I’m just left to my own devices with nothing but all these creepy wonderful books to read from the blog tour…

Well, well, well. It seems I may not be the only villain on the blog tour. Someone has trapped you, you say? I must meet this trapper. I must try to convince the villain to join me in my takeover-the-world quest. As for you, trapped human, you may have a copy of Jeremy’s book to read as well, but no gruel for you!

Ah, Igor, I’m so thrilled to see your mind has cracked and you have joined me (and brought me coffee). Yes, you will make an excellent sidekick. We shall take over the world together … but I need to drink my coffee first.

I had better check on Jeremy. I’ve seen traces of him on other blogs since last night. I believe he has a device that allows him to reach out through the internet. I had my minions check him last night, but they found no devices. I wonder where he could be hiding this device. Hmmmm…

Oh, Latisha, you walked right into quite a quagmire. I’m sure you’ll have plenty of fun reading Jeremy’s book while being hung upside-down next to Ann in her giant bird cage. I think the birds may be done with the earthworms that I put in her underwear and boots by now. I sure hope they mistook her toes for worms along the way.

Oh, I’m terribly sorry Jackie. This is a one-way entrance here. I seem to recall strapping you to a chair earlier and using my dreaded nose hair pullers on you. How did you get out in the first place?! I need to get better straps for my chairs.

I’ll justify it for you, Rosie. You’re going to have to learn that Rachel’s new chihuahua brain is much more evil now. But not nearly as evil as me! You may be late to the party but I’ll still give you a copy of Jeremy’s book to read while you heal from the bite marks Rachel will be inflicting on you. After all, I am justifiably evil.

Your first cartoon novel? I’m pretty sure Jeremy’s book is THE first cartoon novel.

However, you didn’t venture a guess at my identity. For that, you get to take a sponge bath. The bathwater is heavily used (I had to wash my chihuahuas to get all the blood off their muzzles) and the sponge is a stuffed porcupine. Have fun!

Oh Jacqui, you just made me want to subject Vicki to even more torment. She’s already been turned into a muppet at the hands of Pinky, been in the pie throwing booth, and been locked in a room with cowboys eating mass quantities of baked beans.

You know what? You’re going in the room with her. I hear the cowboys just ordered a heaping portion of Taco Bell. The chihuahuas are delivering it right now.

Take Jeremy’s fun book with you. It will make you laugh while you try not to breath in the toxic fumes. Boy, I truly am an evil mastermind. MUAHAHA!

Todd again? Oh, dear, I seem to have left him drowning in expanded goldfish crackers. I’m not sure he’s still breathing. Perhaps you can go check on him. He’s right down that corridor… don’t mind the squishy crackers on the floor. That’s just very expensive carpeting!

Thank you for reminding me that I installed a mind control chip into Ann’s brain the other day. I think I’ll activate it and send her after you. With a name like Sweety, I’m sure you’ll taste good to a zombified author. Try to read Jeremy’s book before she gets to your eyes.

Okay, I read all the blogs and I think I got at least a few of the “maskateers” figured out. Can I put 12 posts on each blog for each author to have my bases covered??? 😛 LOL 🙂 Crossing my fingers for the Kindle, so I can share it with my neice!

I love the Blog Tour de Force!! This is the 4th I’ve participated in. I’m on a very limited income, so this is a great way to get some free books and I’ve discovered some great new authors I didn’t know before!! Looking forward to discovering more authors through this Tour!

Heck, I have no idea what is going on here. I followed Jeremy’s invite via Goodreads and now I’m reading this blog post and I am clueless. Is this some weird cabbalistic secret chain letter? Should I know the secret underhanded left pinky hand shake?

The suspense is killing me. I guess I’ll have to go read some other blog posts in this, what do you call it? Blog Tour de Force?

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