In the past several months, President Obama has appointed a wide array of bureaucratic chiefs–or, “czars”–to reform various parts of our struggling economy and crumbling administrative infrastructure. The appointments include a drug czar, a web czar, a car czar, a health czar, a bar czar, and a spa czar. Last week, Obama inaugurated an annual Czar-Bazaar to address members of his czardom. Surrounded by some 110 czars, however, the President became so overwhelmed that he forgot several of their names, confusing the Yar Czar (for peglegged sailors) with the Babar Czar (for threatening elephants).

To simplify matters, Obama decided to appoint a new leader to regulate the booming czar industry. “Too many czars are out of work,” he told listeners during his weekly radio address, “and those czars deserve new jobs, benefits, and cozy sinecures. But without a leader–a czar czar–then how can these czars succeed? How they compete in a czar-eat-czar economy?”

The new Czar Czar, Ivan, anxiously awaits his appointment. In anticipation, he devoured several interns and a page.

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