2011-02-23

Fuck Me Dead Day

So the day started with a check on Libya.

Fuck me dead. I'm actually starting to write a blog on my blog.

Exciting news - the border with Egypt was under rebel control. That opens up a world of opportunity. The entire fucking world can line up at the Egyptian border with weapons and advice, and the rebels can take it from there. Hmmmm. I wonder if I should go there personally in real life? Put my life physically on the line so to speak? Normal expression is "put your money where your mouth is". Hmmmm, not sure they want a honky turning up late and seemingly stealing credit for their revolution. That plus the fact that the last time I fired a gun I nearly blew my thumb off because I have the attention span of a budgie and forgot the 5-minute speech about the thumb-blowing-off danger and subsequent need to get the thumb out of the way.

I can imagine being nothing but a drain in that situation actually. I played "Skirmish" once and due to the team numbers, I was forced to play for the opposing team. It was either me or another guy who had to switch, and neither of us wanted to go across, and we agreed on a coin toss, and I lost. I was completely fucking hopeless and just got shot, and "my" team lost, and although they obviously didn't say anything, I wondered if they thought I was deliberately letting the side down so that my company would win. I wasn't. I really did my best, and in one situation I was at least the last man to die, but I didn't score a single point for my team. "My" losing team then asked for a rematch, and my company asked me if I wanted to join again, and I refused. I hate team sports. I don't like letting the team down.

That reminds me of when I was a kid, actually. I was generally despised by the rest of the team, because I was fucking hopeless at soccer. I was forced by my parents to play though, so it was yet another miserable thing to add to my miserable fucking existence. Then one day the normal goalie was sick or dead or something, and they needed someone to substitute. It is quite interesting actually. Most people hate being goalie, because all you do is stand around all day if you're on a good team, and move about 2 metres every 10 minutes if you're on a bad team. Which is ironic, because I soon found that those were the exact reasons why I liked being goalie. Anyway, in this (dead or dying goalie) situation, they always get the worst fucking player on the team (by the way, the slightly unusual increased use of expletives is copied from Yeah babe ...) and force him to be goalie.

Well guess fucking what? I've been described as a "tall cunt", non-weighing in at 185cm (6' 1.5" for the completely fucking brain-dead American reader I have). My arms stretch for miles. So far that even when playing touch-football (hint - if you're at boarding school and being victimized for being a nerd, a game or two of touch-football is all that is required to win hearts and minds, without risking your typing finger while playing Ruck the Fuck out of Other People's Hands Deliberately - that Should be Good for a Laugh, aka Rugby Union), people underestimate just how far I can reach out to touch them, and where they could easily have used their speed to keep well clear of me, wander within slapping distance.

So what happened? I turned out to be a good goalie. That's what the fuck happened. So suddenly I was everybody's best fucking friend. Unfortunately, with great power comes great responsibility, and no matter how many times I was told that the ball needed to get past 10 of my teammates before reaching me, it was simply not something that my brain could ever cope with. Buck stops here, buddy. And when I let the fucking team down, I would cry at the end of the fucking game, embarassing pretty much everyone making things worse.

So yeah, me and team sports don't work out too well, and the only thing that is likely to come of my personal physical involvement in pretty much anything outside of my skillset, usually ends with deep tragedy. So no, I won't inflict myself on the brave Libyan rebels, thanks for fucking asking. Is it because I'm a coward? My personal opinion is "no", but if you want to call me a coward, go right ahead. I know it will make zero fucking difference to the outcome of this war. You also may wish to go and read Indian Rumblings again, before casting final judgement (and before you dimwits comment - no of course this isn't 1 billion trillion zillionth as brave as the Libyans facing automatic weapons and I never claimed it to be so shut the fuck up already you fucking lying faggots).

Anyway, the previous day or so ago (losing track of time), I was only sort of capable of getting consensus on having NATO enforce a no-fly zone in Libya. Effectively I had initial agreement, then it was withdrawn, as a surge of Europeans arrived and started in with their hair-brained logic and lying when I had previously formed consensus with some other lefty nutjobs from who knows where.

But then came an independent Anonymous statement calling for a no-fly zone in 24 hours. Plus the Egyptian border open now. Either way, the technical path to overwhelming victory is opened up if I could just find a way to get left-wing nutjobs to agree that using weapons was appropriate.

It is interesting that I have previously dissected the American claims at glorious revolution to point out that they did no such thing (it was in fact a "FRENCH MILITARY VICTORY" - google that you fucking wankers), and King George was nowhere near as bad as they made him out to be. And thus the logical thing to do is accept the reality of how wars are won (hint - usually not via glorious fucking revolution but instead via military fucking coup) and thus stop asking the poor people to rise up against fucking automatic weapons and instead supply fucking air power so that the people can fucking win. A constant theme on this blog for like FUCKING EVER.

Anyway, to cut a long story medium, this time when negotiating with the left-wing ratbags (who are normally anti-American Americans but for whatever fucking reason they think that the non-glorious American non-revolution by fucking slave-owners was a fucking glorious revolution), I told them how great it was that France had supplied weapons to Washington, and that was like SO FUCKING GREAT, RIGHT - EVERYONE AGREES TO THAT! - and so why can't France do that again for Libyan Washingtons? I won't say that everyone agreed that the situation was directly comparable and therefore the exact same action was required - but it did at least silence a large number of dissenters when I was trying to discuss what weapons were required (I used to want planes, but I suspect SAMs will be sufficient to take out Gaddafi's thugs). Oh yeah, another constant tactic is to hook into the Arab "blame everyone but yourself" mentality by pinning the entire blame onto foreign mercenaries rather than the indigenous supporters who are flying those fucking aircraft. There's also that whole fucking American mentality of "no child under the age of 5 should be unarmed" which hooks in a few too. Basically I've heard it said before that you have to start with someone's existing opinion and negotiate from there rather than the more efficient method of just listing out all the errors of logic they made and call them fucking morons. But as before, I mentioned I don't normally operate outside of my skillset. I can be a team player, but not outside my skillset. Not so much that I can't stand losing (although that is a factor too), but because I don't want to let the team down.

Incidentally - in the room I used a word with an optional "u" in it and they said they guessed I had given away that I was European. I said I wasn't. Then realised they would assume American, so said I wasn't American either. Then they guessed Africa or Asia and I said "Asia is close" then added "Let's just say that Tiananmen Square is close to my heart" before they guessed the obvious, in a situation where I didn't want the obvious to be true if there was an even better possibility.

Anyway, I'd arranged to get time off work because Libya is totally fucking killing me sleep-wise, got home early, and amazingly was able to hammer out an agreement with the left-wing lunatics for what basically amounted to the unconditional use of force by ANYONE. This was better than my wildest dreams in fact, because previously I had hedged the equation to the absolute fucking limit to ensure near-zero honkies anywhere within a billion miles of Libya's fucking oil which the fucking multinational fucking greedy fucking oil companies would use to wage more fucking wars against the fucking whales or who the fuck knows and who the fuck cares if you never actually met a psychopathic whale killer in your entire fucking life anyway when it's so much easier to just MAKE UP FUCKING SHIT and while you're at it, why not divide all food types into "hot" and "cold" via the completely arbitrary MAKE SHIT UP technique and then set it in FUCKING STONE for eternity.

As an aside, I'm not that fucking impressed that I can't read my normal neocon sites and not see wall-to-wall Libya etc, but that then gets me to the next part of my story.

With the intellectual argument "covered" in the free marketplace of ideas, I now wanted to have dinner and watch some actual video footage. I deliberately record Wog TV (SBS) because I'm not interested in fucking crap about damp Australians explaining that water is fucking wet, and hope that at least wogs would know that there's more to the world than fucking Anglophones even if you have to hire a fucking translator to find out who the fuck is killing who the fuck else based on some obscure debate over whether it's 72 or 73 virgins you're entitled to, or whatever the fuck the Sunni/Shiite split is all about (I'm a Mu'tazilite so I don't have a dog in that fight).

And guess what? There's fucking people being shot in the streets of Tripoli, and they even have the fucking footage, and they lead with FUCKING KIWIS. That's right. The same bunch of cretins who make up jokes like:

Q. Why wasn't Jesus Christ born in Australia?

A. Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

which is quite literally wrong on so many levels even if it is fucking hiliarious.

So did we have Kiwis dying on the streets in a life-or-death situation? No, we had Kiwis showing that they should spend less time making up jokes about Australia and more time learning how to construct earthquake-proof buildings. Normally I would fast-forward over that inane crap (death toll for this rare event is about a year's worth of road toll which I've never seen a single commemoration of ever) and regardless, nothing can be done that isn't already being done.

Unfortunately I was eating chicken with both hands because I didn't think I needed to censor the fucking news when there were fucking Libyans in a once-in-a-lifetime struggle with unpredictable and deadly serious outcome such that no-one could possibly lead with anything else. Not belittling the tragic loss of life in any way at all, and by the time the Japanese girl started crying about her friend not getting out, so was I, but that's not the fucking point. Nothing can be done about this fucking problem, and they are even saying there's an international response to the incident, which is fine by me and like I said - ALREADY IN FUCKING PLACE - what we're missing is a FUCKING INTERNATIONAL RESPONSE to people CURRENTLY DYING in FUCKING LIBYA FUCKING NOW. At the bare fucking minimum get a no-fly zone so that some weapons can be smuggled in to the rebels and they should eventually win.

Note that there's no fucking difference between uprising/military coup/civil war/war - it just depends how high up the military changes sides as to how easy it will be. For Gorbachev it was the very fucking top. In Tunisia it was close enough to the fucking top. Libya it's lower down. Not a problem so long as someone with a fucking brain and it doesn't need to be Sun fucking Tzu realises you need to arm the good guys with good fucking weapons instead of expecting them to fight with one arm tied behind their back and then provide those fucking weapons so that the good guys fucking win even if it doesn't exactly match your fucking concept of the correct way to stage a properly fucking glorious fucking revolution.

However they did at least cover it after the fucking earthquake, and did at least point out that the Libyans were unbelievably brave. Wait. It's recorded, I'll get the exact words they used on TV ... "equally determined" and "staggeringly brave". If you were a native English speaker, you would understand that there simply isn't an adjective that could beat "staggeringly" in this situation. I said "unbelievably", but that's second-fiddle to "staggeringly". Forget anything I said - this is Australian TV, an independent (of me at least) actor. This is one for the fucking record books, and my heart goes out to you Libya.

I'll include the TV snapshots below, so that they don't interfere with the reading of the text. (After I figure out how to upload fucking photos again).

(Actually I left it as the default which is on the top, since I suspect that a pretty picture will make people read further down than they otherwise would, to find out what the picture is about, instead of wading through loads of crap about soccer to the bit that matters (at least to me)).