Milliband shows off his "beatches"

Entering the commons for Prime Ministers Questions yesterday in a floorlength leopardskin drape coat and wide brimmed fedora, the leader of the opposition, Ed "superfly" Milliband invited the all male Government Front Bench to "check out " his "primo shadow cabinet cooze". To the accompaniment of a selection of Jay-Z tracks played on a boombox held by the Shadow Education Secretary Tristan "T-dog" Hunt, Mr Miliband strutted the length of the chamber taunting the Prime Minister with cries of "where all the Conservative Quail at?", describing the front bench as "A dry white-assed pepperoni party" and assuring ministers that his shadow team would "question you long time, you dig."

There were briefly rowdy scenes when communities secretary Eric "Notorious BIG" Pickles squared up to Mr Miliband inviting him to "bring it" . Ord er was, however restored when the Speaker threatened to "bust a cap" in Mr Miliband's ass.