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I am sure I will never find a Mormon guy who will make me happy, to marry in the temple. I am 20 years old, I’m not out of time, but I have a lot of problems with church and marriage in general. I was told all my life to accept it as the truth with no questioning, and that if you do everything “right” then you’ll be happy no matter what. I found that my parents never really were happy and when my dad came out of the closet, and my parents divorced, it proved me right, that doing what’s “right” doesn’t make you “happy.” I feel pressure to date only guys who are Mormons even though a Mormon guy wouldn’t understand me very well. I don’t have a very good “testimony” of the church, but honestly I would still like to get married in the temple, to an upstanding guy. I’m just not sure how to get there without denying my true feelings about men who think they’re “over” their wives, who expect their wives to fit the homemaker mold, and my feelings that marriage can’t work even, and especially, when founded on the teachings of the Mormon church.

I’m the primary chorister. For Father’s Day, my very understanding Primary President really wants the kids to learn the song “A Young Man Prepared” because she believes that boys can show their dads they love them by preparing to receive the priesthood. I thought it would be good to teach the boys this song, and the girls another. But because of some logistical issues in our understaffed primary, she wants to teach the song to all the kids (I’m trying to imagine the look on my daughter’s face as she sings “Though a boy I may appear, yet a man I soon will be . . .”) or to have the boys sing alone and have the girls hold up signs cheering them on. Gender is already a sensitive issue for me. I think girls already are made to feel just invisible in church meetings/hierarchy and teaching this song and having them either sit there quietly or hold up signs cheering the boys on, well . . . I just don’t think I can do it. Thoughts? Suggestions? Am I overreacting?