WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, The husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything
to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be So stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time.
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who Should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first, And then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and You should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible That the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament And showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..........'HEBREWS'

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
Other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, He
would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight..
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she
would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM And he
had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and See why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by The bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TVl. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbour lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk

---

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.
I hope this helps.

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5) Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

8 ) Whatever
Is a woman’s way of saying F– YOU!

9) Don’t worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks.

When asking to pass the pepper or salt, Dad will move as though to pass it, then continue his arm in a circle, returning the aforementioned condiment to its original resting place. So the salt has gone past you