3/15/10

Volunteer in the Classroom? Whew- look at the time...

As Joe Cocker and the Beatles like to say, I DO get by with a little help from my friends...This guest post is from my good friend, Ann from Ann's Rants. (Thank you, my friend...) And she surely made me laugh...

This is what happens when a rookie parent volunteers in kindergarten. It isn't pretty.

I have no idea whose turn it is.

I have no idea what to do either.

When your teacher was giving instructions I was frantically gesturing to my own child to stop digging in his nose, get a tissue, and follow up with hand sanitizer. It was a three-pronged interpretive mime that required all of my energy, and attracted none of his.

Count on your fingers. Actually yes, when you count that way 10-3 does look like eight. Use my hands. Do my nails always look like this? Go get a number chart.

Of course I can help you with your barrette. Can it go next to one of the other 72 barettes on your head? I didn’t think so.

I am smiling as I give you this high five, but note the fear in my eyes as your hand comes to greet mine from deep, deep inside your pants.

Buddy? Yes, you buddy. No, not him buddy. OF COURSE I KNOW YOUR NAMES, don’t be silly, you Silly.

I can help you more easily if you open your eyes.

Sure you can go to the bathroom, but where are you now?

Sweetheart? Your bottom is all the way out of your pants. Oh, it always is. Got it.

Yes I would love to hear your rendition of Billy Jean. Now would you like to hear my rendition of Billy Jean? I mean, lets focus on counting by fives.

(Ann will be sleeping for the next FIVE days as she recovers from her volunteering experience!!!)

Oh, I love Ann! And this was so funny. What's with everyone calling little kids "buddy" now? I've noticed this at the library. I don't remember that from when my kids were young, less than 10 years ago.Oh, and next time you use my picture, you should warn me...altho I do think I'm SO rockin' that hat.

That's more than I did on my last trip to my son's kindergarten class. I just read DON'T LET THE PIGEON DRIVE THE BUS and they all yelled "NO!" at me over and over. It was such a hit we followed up with DON'T LET THE PIGEON STAY UP LATE.

The ladies in the school office complimented me on the interactive reading session.

Reminds me of when I worked in Daycare. I used to try and be politically correct (before there was such a term) and say "Come on Folks" they thought it was funny calling everybody folks (better than saying Guys).

I'm laughing at this one...I'm subbing today in a middle school class. (This is a prep period, I'm not ignoring the students!) I have to say that middle schoolers have a lot in common with the little ones. Student: "What rubber band Miss? I don't have a rubber band" Me: "The one you just hid under your notebook." At least I didn't see any of them with their hands in their pants!

Children can be frightening. I never quite know what to say to them. I'm usually all, "Hello...er...isn't that Elmo creature strange?" And most of them are all, "We're too OLD for Elmo. Duh." Okay then.

Classroom volunteering is not for the meek. You captured the experience very accurately, so you probably didn't pay someone to attend for you, because you were frozen with fear. I mean, what kind of mom would do that? Uh, toast just popped. . .gotta go.

Don't forget to tip the waitress. I really DO live on tips....

Cause I know you want to buy stuff...

About Me

I am a teacher, a writer, and the mother of three children. I've decided I'll never give up. No matter how many battles I lose; no matter how many tears I shed; no matter how many martinis I have to drink, I will continue to fight the good fight! I love to laugh, believe that every day is a new day, and thank God each morning that I am still here.