Childfreedom

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Thanks to CFVixen for forwarding me this great (and humorous) article by a mom blogger who let's everyone in on a big secret (which really isn't a secret to the happily childfree) - having kids is overrated and you don't have to do it.

She explains that it is parental jealousy of our happy childfree lives that spurs many parents into a scornful rage, admonishing the childfree to hurry up and fulfill our duty to mankind. In other words, misery loves company. And there are so many more interesting and fulfilling things to do with your life.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Yet another study showing that parents are unhappier than people without kids. This doesn't surprise me at all, but what does surprise me is how shocking this is to people. Wow - you mean having kids is hard? It's isolating? It's depressing? Why does this surprise people? I have never had children, yet I am fully aware of these things by just observing everyone I know who has kids.

In this clip, Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains that the unhappiness caused by having a child can be worse than going through a divorce, losing a job or experiencing the death of a partner. She explains this by pointing out that new parents are not given the same support as someone going through a divorce, job loss or death of a partner because a new parent is assumed to be "happy" and therefore left alone.

Some random thoughts:

Isn't it telling that having a child is being compared to three of the worst things that can happen to a person, when in our culture parenthood is unreasonably and relentlessly promoted as the most rewarding, fulfilling, happy role a person can assume?

To me, it seems reasonable to expect that people will rally to support a person who lost her job, went through a divorce or experienced the death of her partner. Those are all terrible circumstances that befall a person and in most cases, are not circumstances a person happily chooses for herself. On the other hand, having a child is a choice that people make happily and willingly, for all the benefits they perceive they will get from this choice. It seems reasonable then, that the person who made this choice should handle the responsibilities she created without requiring a support network to prop her up. Look at it this way: If I happily choose to purchase a house, and am then unhappy about the financial sacrifice it entails, is it reasonable to expect a support system to rally around me to provide me with monetary contributions to help pay my mortgage? I would argue no. If I happily choose to go back to school, but am then unhappy with all of the time, money and effort I have to invest, is it reasonable to expect a network of people to rally around me and help me study for my tests, write my papers and pay my tuition? Again, I would argue no. On the other hand, if I lost my job, or my partner passed away, or I was going through a divorce, would it be reasonable to expect people to rally around me to support me and get me through a horrible time. Yes, this seems reasonable to me.

Community is a wonderful thing, and having a network of people who love and support each other is far too scarce in the world we live in today where everyone is holed up in isolation with their faces plastered to a screen. I think all people - not just parents - would benefit from developing their social networks and doing more face-to-face interacting. What I disagree with, though, is the notion that parents - people who happily choose and adopt their roles - and whose lifestyle is promoted ad nauseum as a puppies-and-rainbow utopia - are somehow equivalent in circumstance to those who have suffered great, traumatic losses in their lives. If the argument is that parenthood is really a hell hole and these poor souls need to be propped up by an army of supporters just to get through the day, then the glorification of parenthood has to STOP right now.

You can have your cake, or you can eat it, but you can't have it both ways.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Here's an entertaining video posted by a mom who is lamenting all the things she misses now that she has kids. Thankfully, there's no "but it's so worth it" backpedal at the end. Be sure to read the comments below her video for lots of other moms chiming in and adding to the list.

My childfree friends, let it not escape us how similar their list of things they miss is to my list of the Top 100 Reasons Not to Have Kids. See, there is actually some truth to the stuff I write ;)

Friday, March 13, 2015

We've all seen these types of proclamations posted on Facebook, usually by wrung-out moms who need to constantly announce themselves as martyrs for the greater good of humanity so they can feel better about the parental prison sentence they are serving.

I couldn't resist when an old friend of mine posted this on Facebook. My reply was, "I don't have kids and I put others before myself", to which she replied, "That is rare in this day and age!", which is true, but let's take a closer look at why it is true. I would argue that being oriented around others is so rare today in large part because today's PARENTS - by virtue of adopting the notion that once a person has kids they become the center of the universe - have created a bunch of coddled, narcissistic entitled monsters who expect the corner office on their first day of work and who spend their days angling their IPhone for the perfect selfie and then staring down it all day long to see how many "likes" they get.

Of course, it stands to reason that only parents can put others before themselves. How could someone like me - a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a colleague, a volunteer and a companion to 3 cats, even imagine putting someone before myself? We all know that only parents know how to do this,whereas people like me are completely self-centered and spend not a single moment thinking of another person (insert sarcasm here).

The proclamation posted above does capture one thing correctly. Parents must spend the rest of their lives putting that child before themselves, whereas a non-parent like me can simultaneously attend to the needs of others as well as to her own needs, without feeling resentment and without giving up her identity in the process. Yes, I am a devoted wife, friend, daughter, etc., but not one of those roles defines me or imprisons me. I don't have to neglect my own needs or put them on a shelf for 20 years because another being is sucking the life out of me. I can have my cake and eat it too.

Imagine if a childfree woman posted self-congratulatory posts on Facebook about being childfree. How do you think it would go over? Can you imagine the response I would get if I posted something like:

The moment you decided not to have children, was the moment you chose to truly live life and contribute to the world in meaningful ways.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Friday, February 28, 2014

Ah, the "have it all" lifestyle. How wistfully I read this article. If only I had chosen a different path, I too could spend my days feeling like a failure at everything. Poor pitiable me. What was I thinking choosing the childfree life?

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About Me

They call me Daisy Duke because I enjoy zipping into stork parking spots like a bat out of hell (just try to catch me!) I am in my 40s, married to the greatest guy in the world and have multiple beautiful furbabies. They're sweet, adorable, loving and we don't have to put them through college.
As for this blog, it's mission is three-fold; first, to shine a spotlight on the childfree lifestyle and promote it as an attractive and viable lifestyle alternative; second, to expose the unreasonable pro-parent, pro-child, pro-family bent of our culture (pronatalism) which glorifies parenthood and misleads many unsuspecting, unthinking people into a life that may not be best suited to them; and third, to critically examine parenthood and give it the honest treatment it does not get in our child/family-obsessed culture.
I welcome and encourage respectful comments to my posts. If you wish to contact me directly with comments, questions or topic ideas, please e-mail me at firecracker_mandy(at)yahoo(dot)com. Friend me on Facebook - I'm listed as "Firecracker Mandy".