Back in the day (and by "day" we mean circa 2010?), you had to be careful about having a Facebook account under your real name, lest potential employers judge you by the number of red Solo cups in your profile pics. Now, it seems that employers are suspicious if you don't have a Facebook because your lack of virtual know-how signifies that you're "abnormal" — or, that you're hiding it because of the number of red Solo cups in your profile pics.

Psychologists also see abstaining from social media as a warning sign. "The Internet has become a natural part of life," psychologist Christopher Moeller told Germany's Der Taggspiegel. "It's possible that you get feelings of positive feedback through online friends." The magazine notes that both suspected Aurora theater gunman James Holmes and Norwegian massacre shooter Anders Behring Breivik lacked Facebook accounts, and implies it's equally "possible" that not having a Facebook means you're not only social inept but a murderer.

I, personally, am suspicious when I meet someone who doesn't have a Facebook because it usually means that person is desperate to be part of the counterculture and I have to prepare myself to hear a pretentious rant about how he doesn't even own a smartphone, either. BIG WHOOP. Look, we all know Facebook's privacy settings are evil and that, sometime over the next decade, Mark Zuckerburg will probably come up with a way to secretly implant non-optional minifeeds in our brain. Whatever. Every single person I know who doesn't have an account — and I can count them on one hand — secretly goes on their friend's Facebooks to stalk their exes, anyway.