What I Don't Post On Social Media

Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Call me a millennial, but I like social media. I like sharing my life online (hence the blog, obviously). There's a lot of talk around the negative impacts of social media but not enough about the positives. The sense of community, for one. A few of my friends tease me by saying they never have to ask me what I did over the weekend because it's all on my Instagram stories anyway. And, I mean, they're not wrong...

There are parts of my life that don't end up on social media, though. You know that already. It's impossible for every part of a person's life to be on the Internet. But I still want to say it, because not saying it makes me feel like a fraud.

I post frequently about being positive and trying to improve myself, et cetera et cetera. While it's absolutely true that that's a focus of mine, I sometimes (often?) feel like I'm not actually successful at it. Or at least not as successful as I'd like to be.

Truth be told, the past year or so has been really difficult for me. It's felt like one step forward and two steps back.

I've written about this before. With the exact same wording, actually, which is embarrassing. I'm a broken record. Always striving to be better, always ending up in the same place anyway.

I post about wanting to better myself, things I'm doing to make my days easier, #selfcare. I don't post about whatever shitty thing happened before that to get me there. I don't Insta-story when I'm having an anxiety attack or when my eyes are puffed up after I've been crying. Some things stay offline.

I do want to try to write about my feelings more; maybe then I won't feel so alone in it all. (I feel like I've written that before too. Broken record, see?) But it can be hard. Talking about whatever I'm struggling with makes me feel whiny and redundant. Not talking about it feels like lying by omission.

All of this is just to say: there's a lot going on behind-the-scenes that you might not see. Sometimes I'll write about it, sometimes I won't. Unfortunately, my blog has been getting pushed to the back burner more than I'd like lately because of the other things I'm trying to work through. The words aren't coming as easily. The motivation burns out as fast as it sparked.

I've been having a hard time, but I'm pushing through.

See you in a few months when I accidentally put up a post saying this exact same thing all over again.