Jersey Shore (MTV) – Please, don’t even watch this ironically. Forgot I mentioned it. Just pretend that it’s 1991, and MTV’s airing an episode of “Yo! MTV Raps.” I expect big things from the Public Enemies.

Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime) – They used to film “Project Runway” at my college. True story.

American Stuffers (Animal Planet) – Who needs shows about living, breathing, not dead animals when you can instead watch a series about people stuffing not living, not breathing, definitely dead animals? You can’t exactly put a live squirrel on the mantle, can you?

The Vampire Diaries (The CW) – It’s not as tame as Twilight (no religious subtext), but it’s not quite as sexxxy as “True Blood” (no Deborah Ann Woll); it exists in some CW melodramatic in-between, where the vampires don’t sparkle OR orgy. What’s the point?