Emmett's Advice

Summary:
This is in Eclipse roundabouts and pretty much Bella is sick and tired of Edward's abstinence and will do anything to persuade him to go on and just have sex with her already. Even resorting to Emmett or Jasper if needs be.

Notes:

1. Chapter 1: Last Resort

I only had a manner of minutes before Edward realized my conniving scheme--Alice distracting him while I asked Emmett for advice. If this was going to work, I had to hurry. I was getting desperate and could no longer wait. Edward’s damn abstinence issues were driving me crazy.

It was getting to the point of inevitability--we had to have sex very soon or I would lose it. Literally--I would lose it. If anyone could help me change his mind, it was definitely Emmett. If this didn’t work, I could have Jasper put his ability to extreme use and change his mind by toying with his emotions a little here and a little there. This was getting ridiculous--I wanted him; he wanted me--I really didn’t see a downside to that.

Running as fast as I could to see Emmett, I kind of got lost in my thoughts and couldn’t come to a halt fast enough once I found him, smacking right into his chest and bouncing right off with such force that I almost hit the ground, but he caught and steadied me.

“Whoa, Bella! You okay?” He stifled his fits of laughter as I was recovering.

“Ow. Oh…God.” Birds and stars were literally circling around in front of my eyes. Damn, that hurt. Sure, Edward was like stone, but Emmett was a freakin’ boulder.

“Bella.” His voice sounded slurred to me. “Hey. How many fingers am I holding up?!”

He moved his fingers rapidly in front of my face and I squinted to make sense of it. “Uh…eleventy-seven?” I asked, making him snort.

“Close enough. It was three, by the way,” he informed me as I rested my forehead against his chest to recover for a moment--at least until the spinning and buzzing in my ears stopped--and then I pulled back.

“Damn. And, I thought Edward was hard-headed.”

He grimaced apologetically and brushed his fingers lightly across my forehead, which throbbed slightly. I winced and he said, “My bad. Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“To see you.” I said, remembering my purpose for coming here.

“Oh?” He straightened up, smiling smugly, “Well, what can I do for you?”

“Help!” I said, hopefully, “Your damn brother is being the biggest idiot in the freaking world!”

He smiled, “Well, I already knew that, but what’d he do this time?”

“It’s more like what he didn’t do this time?”

“And that would be?…”

“Me!” I said, frantically, no longer caring about how inappropriate it sounded.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “Emmett, I’m serious. This is so stupid; why doesn’t he want to have sex with me; I don’t get it! I mean, is it me? Am I…repellent in some way or am I not…attractive or sexy enough or what? God!” I sat down against the wall and buried my face in my hands resignedly.

“No! No, you are very attractive.” Emmett assured me, bending down beside me, “When I first saw you, do you know what I said to Edward?”

I looked up at him, dreading the answer. Oh, God. Did I want to know this? “What?” I managed to choke out.

“Hey!” He said, “That’s insulting; I am your brother. Besides, I had to use some qualities of yours to attract Edward to you or else he never would’ve gone for it, and though, he’s not really one for the whole physical appearances of a woman, he is still a man; the tiniest little thing can totally set him off. I just…needed to find that one tiniest little thing.”

“Oh, my God.” I mumbled, rolling my eyes again, “Emmett, come on. Alice can only hold Edward off for so long--I have to do this now; it’s my only chance.”

“Carry on.” He said, carelessly.

“Okay…well, I need to have sex with him--I cannot do this much longer. He keeps offering himself to me only to rip it away like that.” I snapped my fingers. “Emmett, I am going insane. What am I supposed to do; I can’t keep doing…this, but he refuses to give in. I swear to God, I’m gonna kill him if he doesn’t knock it off. I will find a way to kill him unless he gets over whatever issues he has that are holding him back and just freakin’ does it.”

“All right, all right, all right,” Emmett said, growing amused, “Have no fear--Emmett is here.” He said, in a mockingly heroic tone.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

He looked hurt. “I feel better.”

“Are you gonna help me or not?!” I asked, irritably, “Cause if not, then I’ll just turn to Jasper--he has advantages that even you don’t have.”

“Jasper?! Hah!” He snorted and blew a raspberry, “He couldn’t help you if this was a strip club and you were a stripper. All he can do is play with Edward’s mind a little to make him think he’s horny. I can actually make him horny. Ah-ha. Huh?”

I simply stared at him for a moment and he rolled his eyes, “Ew, no. That’s not what I meant; you know what I mean. I just know what you can do to make him horny; there, is that better?”

“Not so much.” I said, shaking my head, in disbelief, “Look, either help me or go.”

“Fine, fine…I’ll help you. What kind of brother do you think I am?” He snorted.

“Great! So what; you’ll…talk to him or?…”

Emmett broke out laughing, “Yeah, cause that’s what he needs: a good…talking to. Bella, I have been trying for decades to talk to him--the man is not going to change. If anyone is changing his mind here, it’s you, sweetie.”

“But, I’ve tried.”

“Well, obviously you didn’t do a very good job of it or else you would’ve been halfway to Happy Town a ‘talking to’ ago.”

I rolled my eyes, “Emmett!”

“What I mean is, you clearly haven’t tried everything. There are so many weapons you can use against a man--or at least a vampire--bribery, blood, and--my personal favorite--sex. Seduction is the key, honey. Believe me, he’d feel a lot differently if you turned it on. No way he could say no to that.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh, are you kiddin’ me; Bella, I’m telling you--put on some slutty lingerie, the right kind of music, light some candles--you’ll have it made. You’ll have yourself some very kinky sexcapades in the making.”

“Emmett!” I made to smack his arm, but then stopped myself, realizing that I’d probably just hurt myself instead of him. “Ugh! What is wrong with you?”

“It’s called being a man. Edward may call himself a man, but he has done nothing to earn the title. He’s no man till he sends in the little soldier to do your bidding.”

I grimaced and stood up, pushing him away, slightly. “That’s…disgusting”

“Hey, don’t blame me; you asked, so I answered. Look, Bella, just talk to him then. Just…avoid the following: ‘If you love me, you’ll do it’--men hate that; it’s like: ‘Hello, woman. Hi, I’m right here. What the hell; where am I going? I love you, but I don’t have to like you right now.’ Or ‘Every body’s doing it’--because trust me, Edward never was one for following the crowds or letting others’ actions influence his own--or the whole compatibility/experimentation thing; believe me, if that was the problem, he would’ve had sex by now--or my personal favorite: ‘If we don’t have sex, I’ll die’--although, I have used that from time to time with Rose, Edward hates drama and he especially hates threats on your life. Other than that, you’ll be fine…”

He dragged me along to his and Rosalie’s room, sitting me on the bed, searching through the drawers. “When all else fails…tit for tat…where true joy is at.” He whipped around, holding up two pieces of lingerie, one black, one red.

“What?! No! Emmett!”

“Oh, come on, it’s for a good cause; Rose won’t mind.”

“Ta-ha!” I laughed, incredulously, but he ignored me.

“Okay…so which one of these will make Bella look hotter…so that Edward…would wanna do her?” He asked himself quietly.

“Emmett--”

“Shh--I’m thinking.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” I muttered, making him smirk.

“Hmm…too bad we don’t have blue. Do you have blue?” He asked me, hopefully.

“No! I don’t own lingerie.”

Emmett blew a raspberry, “And, you wonder why Edward won’t sleep with you? Hello, no motivation. So much you have to learn about men.” Her shook his head, in disbelief, “Let’s see. The black might make you look like an Oreo. My God, Bella, you are freakishly white for a human, you know that?”

“Shut up!” I protested, “And, I am not wearing lingerie! Forget it!”

“Well, forget having sex with Edward, then.”

I sighed and shook my head, “You are so evil!”

“Thanks; comes with the title. Cullen or not, I am still a vampire--I can’t repress all of my evil urges. Give me a break; geez.” He blew another raspberry and then studied the two pieces of lingerie studiously for a moment, before saying, impatiently, “That’s it! I can’t decide. I can’t know which one looks better on you without seeing it myself.”

“This is not happening! No, no, no, no, NO! Forget it!”

“Oh, come on!”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“Do I look like I’m kidding you?” I simply stared at him for a moment, praying for him to cry out: “Psych!” and then break out laughing. But, he didn’t. Instead, he threw me the black piece and said, “Okay…strip. I’ll turn around so I don’t see anything.”

“No, it’s not. I’m your brother, Bella; I’m just giving you my opinion; that’s all. Come on. I do this for Alice all the time.”

“You do?” I asked, curiously.

“Well, is it my fault she didn’t lock the door?” I rolled my eyes and he continued on, “Will you just do it?! Bella, you said it yourself; we don’t have time for this. Strip. Now.” He turned around and said, “Well, go on.”

“Cover your eyes; I don’t trust you.”

He covered his ears. “I’m not seeing this. I’m not seeing this…”

“Emmett!”

He laughed and then moved his hands to cover his eyes. “You know, Bella, this is totally ridiculous! You really need to get over this.”

“Oh, will you…shut it?”

He snorted and I began changing. This was so weird. Even though he wasn’t looking, I couldn’t help but be self-conscious. It took me quite a while to fit it over my butt. How was that possible? My God, was this meant to be so tight? Oh, God…I was going to die from humiliation. This wasn’t exactly what I set out to do.

When I finally finished, I sighed and said, irritably, “All right…done.”

He turned around and said, “Whoa! Damn, Bella! Who knew you had all that in you, huh?”

“No, no, no, no--none of that.” Emmett said, coming over and lowering my arms, “Bella, if this is going to work, you can’t be self-conscious. You have to be…a little loose. Look, we already know he wants you; that part is certain. We just need a little something to…push him over the edge…so to speak.”

I rolled my eyes. “You look great.” He assured me. “If this doesn’t work, then I would seriously have to question his sexual orientation or something, because this is even turning me on and that is saying something.”

I cringed, “Ugh…Emmett…ew!”

“Oh, relax. Okay. Black has my approval. So now red. Hurry up.”

He turned around and I quickly changed. This one I couldn’t get over my breasts. I could hardly breathe. “Okay…” I choked out, “I can’t…breathe.”

Emmett snorted, “Well, these aren’t exactly made for breathing purposes. Besides, they aren’t meant to be worn for long anyway.”

“This one makes your boobs look great, but the other flaunts your butt. And, I’m not sure--is Edward a breasts or an ass man?”

I grimaced, “I don’t know! How should I know?”

“Well, does he tend to favor your breasts or your ass; it’s a pretty self-explanatory question.”

“I am not having this conversation with you!” I protested.

“Bella!”

“I don’t know; I guess--I guess my--” I pointed down to my breasts, not wanting to say the word. “He likes listening to my heart.”

He grimaced and nodded, suggestively, “Sure. ‘Listening to your heart’.” He snorted. “All right! The red it is. Go!” I groaned and he said, “You’re welcome,” in a smug tone. “This is guaranteed to work; I’m telling you. Edward might be Mr. Polite-and proper gentleman on the outside, but on the inside…he is just like the rest of us. And, this…” he pointed to me, “Will bring out the sex in the man. Believe me.”

I scoffed, “That would be no. Now, get the hell out of here so I can put some clothes on.”

He smirked, “Why would you wanna do that?”

I inhaled sharply in irritation and glared at him.

“Kidding. All right, well, I’m going hunting. Let me know how it goes. I’ll see you latuh, my sistuh.” He started to head for the door and then said, “Oh! Remind him that Superman had sex with Lois Lane and she was a human. If that helps at all.”

He shrugged nonchalantly and then made to leave again when the door burst open and Edward came in, angrily, with Alice scurrying behind him, “Sorry, I tried to distract him. Damn telepathy.”

“What the hell is this?!” Edward yelled, turning on Emmett.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, man; it was her idea! Okay, I’m gonna go. Good luck, Bella!” Then, he and Alice took off, each going as fast as they could.

I rolled my eyes, “Oh, calm down, will you? This is all your fault, anyway.”

He clenched his teeth, “Excuse me? What are you talking about?”

“You’re the one who insisted on not having sex with me--I couldn’t take it anymore; this is your fault.”

He took me by my arms and said, angrily, “What the hell are you talking about?! Bella, you know we can’t risk it. As much as we want to, it’s just not worth it.”

“Not worth what?” I demanded, growing angry as well.

“Your life! Look,

I--you know how much I love you--”

“Then, do this for me.”

“Oh, don’t do that!” He released me, “That is not going to work.”

“Then, what will work?”

“Nothing. How many times have I told you; this is not going to happen. So…just let it go. Please.”

“Not in a million years.” I said, firmly, “Look, I’m getting desperate here.”

“I’ll say; resorting to Emmett.”

“Well, did it work?” I challenged, lowering the blanket slightly to reveal my shoulders and the top of my breasts.

He forced his eyes to remain on mine, tightening his jaw and stiffening up. “Stop it. This is…so ridiculous. How could you?”

“Keep saying no--Jasper will be my next resort; and you know even you can’t resist his abilities.”

“Don’t threaten me.” He said, menacingly, narrowing his eyes, “Bella, I have done everything from resist your blood to leaving you when I had nothing else to live for--nothing will change my mind. I might not be as strong as you think, but I am still strong enough to say no to this. Even Jasper couldn’t change my mind.”

I rolled my eyes, “Oh, will you stop being so stubborn and just hear me out?” “No…this is not a negotiation, do you hear me? I said no and that’s that. End of discussion. You cannot ask me to do this. I won’t.”

“Oh, my God, do I have to beg? Cause I will. I will beg, and I’ll beg…then, I’ll beg some more.”

“Okay…okay…then, how about this--” as dumb as it seemed, I had to use Emmett’s suggestion; I was losing him, “--Superman had sex with Lois Lane and he had the strength of ten men. They made it work. What makes you so sure that we can’t, too, huh?”

He glared at me for a second before saying, through clenched teeth, “First of all…Superman and Lois Lane…are fictional characters in a comic book--” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, as he continued, “And, second of all, Superman never wanted to drink Lois Lane’s blood, like I so desperately wants yours, so his risk was not near as high as mine would be--”

“Which you have proven time and time again, that you can resist. Look, Edward, I appreciate that it takes great strength and determination for you to resist my blood, I do. I can’t even imagine how horrible it must be for you. All I’m asking for is a shot. Just please try. Please. For me.”

“And, you have no idea what you are asking of me by turning me down repeatedly. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear say no over and over and over again after you assure me that you love me?”

“Take Emmett’s advice, Bella, and do not even think about saying: ‘if you love me, you’ll have sex with me’. It’s not going to work.”

“Well, then, what will? Come on, you have had almost a whole freakin’ century to learn to control your strength; I think you can handle it.”

“And, what the hell do you know?”

“For one, I know that that is a lot more time than Superman had to learn to control his strength. But, he still does it.”

“Doesn’t make him much of a man, then, does it? Willing to risk the safety of the woman he supposedly loves just for his satisfaction.”

I forced a laugh, “Contrary to what you might think, that was what made him a man. He sacrificed something great…for something even greater.”

“Is that what you think?” He said, appalled, “That sex is what makes a man a man?”

“Emmett seems to think so.”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, and Emmett…is an idiot. Emmett knows nothing about what really makes a man a man. Being that he is with Rosalie, I should think that that fact should be only too obvious. He is definitely, without a doubt, incredibly selfish when it comes to his desires and the greater good of Emmett. I am the opposite, though. I don’t give a damn about my happiness.”

“Obviously.” I said, bitterly.

“Only yours.” He continued, as if I hadn’t spoken at all.

I placed my hands on his chest. “Okay, so the only way to make me happy is to--” I smiled suggestively, leaning in to kiss him and sliding my hands down his chest, him stopping me as I reached his pants. Damn it!

“No, no…that’s my question. What is the matter with me? Why am I so…undesirable; why am I so unwanted; what have I done to deserve to this?”

He shook his head, “No, Bella, you know better than that. You know this has nothing to do with you.”

I rolled my eyes, “Translated into: this has everything to do with you.”

“You know that is not true.”

“Do I?” I challenged, “Do I; really?”

“How many times do I have to tell you? I am only interested in keeping you safe. If I hurt you, I could never live with myself; you know that. If I made even the smallest error in judgment, if I did one tiny thing to hurt you, I would never, in a million years, be able to forgive myself.”

“All right, that’s it!” I said, angrily, “God, I--what do you want from me?! I mean…do you want to make me cry? Is that what you want? Do you want to see me cry? Because I swear to God, I am this close to--”

I pinched my fingers together, as he pulled me into his arms and held me against him, stroking my hair and rubbing my back. “Shh, shh…calm down. It’s okay.”

I buried my face in his chest and struggled to not break down sobbing right now. I began trembling in desperation. What was I going to do? I wanted him so bad. I couldn’t wait any longer. All kidding aside, I had to have him now. How could he not see it? This was so incredibly unfair of him to do this to me.

“Bella, please…Bella, please--” he said, miserably, kissing my hair before burying his face in it. I struggled to breathe as he tightened his hold on me lovingly and whispered, “I’m sorry, Bella, I’m so sorry.”

I shook my head, “No…please don’t…don’t; it hurts.” I pulled away and tried to walk away, “If I can’t have all of you, then I don’t think I can--” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him, kissing me as he held me against him.

I deepened the kiss by standing on my tiptoes as he lowered the blanket, allowing it to drop to the floor.

He grabbed my by my waist and backed me into a wall, pinning me to the wall by my wrists, as he continued to kiss me.

My heart involuntarily sped up and my breathing became ragged as the kisses intensified more and more. I moaned in ecstasy as he tightened his hold on me and my back arched against the wall.

I turned us around and slammed him against the wall, my hands trembling as I removed his shirt.

His chest was heaving as I threw his shirt down to join the blanket on the floor. “Are you sure about this?” He asked, breathlessly.

I answered him with a kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck, burying my fingers in hair, and trailing my hands down his bare back, and his muscles rippled against my hands as he leaned in further towards me.

“Oh…my God!” I managed to gasp, as he began kissing my neck intensely. He picked me up by my waist and managed to set me down on the dresser while simultaneously knocking everything off with his forearm.

He made to tighten his arms around me but accidentally punched the mirror and fragments of glass embedded themselves in the lingerie I was wearing. Oops. He managed to remove the shards one by one with his teeth, without hurting me in the least, struggling to remain playful as he bit me softly every so often.

Oh, God…pain, nothing…if anything, it felt so amazing, that I was quite certain the only death I would have would be from the mere overwhelming sensation of being so aroused.

He ripped off the lingerie, while frenching my neck and clutching me even closer to him.

My hands traced every inch of skin available to me, memorizing it as his lips were memorizing mine.

He hesitated before trailing his parted lips down the skin in between my breasts as my hands slid down to undo his pants. He smiled against my breasts as I did so, and he began sucking softly on the skin there.

Within minutes, we were both completely naked and he gathered me in his arms and gently threw me onto the bed.

He slid up in between my legs and I tightened my legs around him, pressing my inner thighs against his hips, applying more pressure each time, my legs literally trembling out of ecstasy.

He forced one of my legs to stop trembling with his hand, digging his nails into my skin, holding my leg passionately against his hip.

I moaned and pulled him closer to me as he shifted his weight against mine repeatedly, intensifying the pressure more and more each time.

I whimpered and pressed myself further against him, shaking my head from side to side, deliriously.

He reached up to grab the headboard, but it shattered in his hands, making my head hit the wall behind it, but I felt no pain whatsoever. Only overwhelming love and need of him. I had to have him now.

He made to raise his head, but I grabbed it and made to bring it down to mine for a kiss, but I didn’t realize I had shifted upward, and I missed, making him accidentally bite my nipple in ecstasy.

I screamed out of delight and pressed his head even further into my breasts. “Bella--” he tried to protest, but I nearly growled myself as I yelled, “Shut up!”

I rolled him over and began smothering his chest and stomach with my lips and tongue and teeth, doing things I had never thought possible, making him lose the will to stop me.

“Bella, Bella, Bella--no, we can’t--we have to--oh, my--oh, Bella!” His eyes rolled back into his head in ecstasy as I began biting the distinctions of his six-pack, as hard as I could, considering he could feel no pain from it.

He began laughing hysterically as he choked out, “Well, if that’s the way it’s going to be--”

He broke himself off to sit us up, grab me by my legs, and throw me down to the foot of the bed, lowering himself on top of me at his incredible rate and lowering his head to my neck with a growl.

“Do it,” I urged, “Please. It’ll be okay…trust me.”

He stiffened up as he bared his teeth and a growl escaped him involuntarily. I pressed his head further against my neck, making him bite me.

I lost all feeling in my entire being, as he began drinking my blood, exercising great caution as he did so. Then, I burst into flames--the whole spontaneous combustion thing finally happening, taking over every fiber of my being and feelings and reactions occurred in my body that I never knew possible--making me scream his name in ecstasy and lose all awareness of anything and everything that was not directly related to him.

Edward pulled away and I could feel a drop of blood roll down my skin in between my breasts and he clutched me to him as he licked it off with the tip of his tongue, before cleaning the wound with his tongue and then sliding up to kiss me.

I slid my hands down his chest to his lower stomach, making him kick a hole in the wall, making sheetrock get strewn about the bed, but we completely ignored it as he pulled away from the kiss, biting my bottom lip, moving it from side to side in between his teeth, before lightly nibbling along my jawbone to my ear and then down the side of my neck to my collarbone.

He tried to pull away again, “Bella, I don’t--I don’t…know. We shouldn’t--” I used every ounce of force I had to pull him back towards me, sliding my leg up against his, shutting him up immediately. “Oh, God, screw it!” He said, as I began kissing his face repeatedly, “God, I love you,” he breathed, before kissing me again.

We continued on until I lost consciousness--not strength, not ability, but until I literally fell unconscious with delirium and weakness and UNBELIEVABLE arousal. My God…how the hell did I not die from how incredibly amazing he made me feel? How did I not die from the indescribable joy of finally fulfilling my life’s purpose--finally having my Edward in every way possible.

The next day, Edward and I were sitting in the living room--he was on the couch and I was on the floor, sitting in between his legs--and his arms were wrapped around my waist from behind and his chin was resting on the top of my head.

I was chuckling softly as he began trailing his lips down my jawbone to the side of my neck, sucking gently and even frenching the skin every so often. I wrapped my arms around his and chuckled, “Hm…so? Was I right or was I right?”

“Shut up!” He warned, tilting my head back, resting it against his knees, “It was quite a risk, Bella, you’re lucky to be alive right now.”

“What; this?” I asked, pointing to my neck, where he bit me. “Oh, please, I’ll survive. It didn’t hurt in the least--as you could tell…all it did was turn me on even more.”

“Bella, that is not funny. Don’t…do this.”

“No, no, no; you don’t do this. I know that you are going to try to make an issue out of this, but I assure you, nothing happened. I’m fine; I’m better than fine. My God, I thought I was going to die…from arousal!” I added, before he could twist it around.

He sighed and shook his head, “Yes, I noticed…unfortunately. Why can’t you be normal?”

I chuckled once, “Define normal.”

“Normal is running away screaming upon meeting a vampire; not having sex with one.”

I rolled my eyes, “I never was one for normal; you know that. Besides, if I ran away screaming, I never would’ve been able to have sex with you. And then I would have no reason to live.”

“Can you…cut the drama?”

“Can you for, like, two seconds let me revel in my happiness and not try to ruin it? I swear to you, I’m fine.”

He stiffened up and then rolled his eyes, “Fine…but this is so not even close to over. I just…hate it when you’re right.”

“Mm-hm,” I chuckled, as he lowered his lips to mine for a kiss. I deepened it by wrapping one arm awkwardly around his neck from behind and pressing his head further against mine.

My eyes were still closed as he pulled away and it wasn’t until he traced my lower lip with his thumb that I opened them, looking up at him to see him staring at me intensely as he did so.

He shook his head, “God…you…are so beautiful.”

I opened my mouth to retort when Emmett came in and said, sarcastically, “Aw, thank you, Emmett!”

We both inhaled sharply and glared at him, crossly. “What?” He said, trying to be innocent, “Oh, come on, let’s face it. You lovebirds never would’ve taken flight if it wasn’t for me. Oh, and Edward? Saw my room. Are you kiddin’? Alice took Rose out to keep her from seeing it. Otherwise, you’d both be dead. Well, you’d be dead-er.” He broke off laughing.

Edward rolled his eyes, “Oh, don’t even! I owe you after all the countless times you and Rose trashed my room. How many messes have you left me to clean up?”

Emmett shrugged, “Still…I doubt Rosalie will be as willing to clean up your messes. Though, I’m just here to high-five you, my brothuh!”

He raised his hand and Edward glared at him. “You’re right, Emmett. I never did get to thank you properly.” He got up and said, “Come here,” threateningly, advancing towards him.

“No. No, no. Edward, stand back; I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Edward lunged for him, with a growl, knocking him into the other room, making him yell, “Oh, God!”

I rolled my eyes and stood up. Boys will be boys. Oh, my God; were they 12?

Several hours later, I was sitting in the living room with Emmett and Edward, after they had calmed down and Emmett had had a very extremely long talk with Edward, telling him exactly why it was a good thing that we had had sex, and we were just hanging out.

Emmett was now showing us some songs by this group that took songs from the 60s-70s and gave them medical terminology. Emmett was laughing hysterically as we listened to them. “Isn’t it hilarious? Oh, man…” he broke off laughing, “I almost died laughing. This is just too damn good, man.” He broke off into new fits of laughter, smacking his knee as he did so.

“Yes, Emmett, it’s hysterical.” Edward said, sarcastically, as the song began playing the chorus: ‘Cause waking up is hard to do’, and Emmett snapped his fingers.

“Hey, Bella. I will give you $100 right now if you can tell me the real name of this song.”

Edward nodded, in semi-agreement, “I have to agree--he was one of the only artists I could stand in the 60s. He was pretty good.”

Emmett mumbled incoherent threats, “…shut up…stupid…gah!” He threw me a 100 and then said, “Screw that crap; I’m out of here.”

He walked bitterly out of the room, and I followed him out eagerly, “Emmett! Emmett, wait!”

“Go ahead; gloat!” he said, irritably, turning to face me. “I don’t know what I was thinking; you had, like, no life before Edward; of course you know 60s music.”

I shook my head, “No, no, Emmett, it’s not about…that. Look, I…just want to thank you. For everything. I just want you to know how much it means to me--your helping me. I couldn’t have done it without you. It means a lot. Really. Thanks for everything. You totally made my life complete by making this happen.”

He nodded and smiled smugly, “Anything for my favorite little sis. Come here, sweetie.” He pulled me into a hug and said, “Anytime. Really. I’m here for you. Always. Plus, you know, seemingly endless decades of trying to get Edward to have sex…I finally succeeded. My boy’s all growed up!” He said, laughing, and shaking his fist in the air triumphantly.