Ron Higgins: Adding Aggies jumbles Southeastern Conference schedule

"I'm like a duck," Slive said this past spring at the league's annual business meetings. "On the surface, everything looks calm. Underneath the water, I'm paddling like heck."

For the time being, the duck is off the pond and resting comfortably on his back porch.

For the next day or two at least, Slive's quiet time, smoking a cigar and sitting on his porch overlooking his wife Liz's flower garden, will seem like an eternity.

Considering that Slive's last three months of the great Texas A&M-to-the-SEC expansion saga have been like a pregnancy -- lots of false labor pains before serious contractions and an exhausting delivery -- I'm surprised he doesn't go to the beach for a few days.

But actually, the fun is just starting for Slive and his transition team that has to refigure all of next season's sports schedules now that the Aggies are officially in the mix as the SEC's 13th member.

"We understand scheduling is not easy, especially with football," Slive said. "It's something our transition team has started to work on, and we'll give our athletic directors several options when we meet in several weeks."

The commish would make it easier if the SEC went ahead and got a 14th school to comprise two seven-team divisions. But he's saying what he has said for the past 18 months: that the league will be "strategic, careful and thoughtful about expansion."

Which means "you call us, we won't call you."

Slive said A&M has been the only school that approached the SEC, and the SEC was interested. No school wants to approach a conference about jumping leagues without knowing if they are fairly sure that the conference wants them.

That's why this whole conference expansion thing is like -- and I speak from personal, painful experience -- a gawky 10th grader hoping to ask a girl he likes in his math class to the homecoming dance. He doesn't want to get rejected, so he passes a note to the girl's best friend to assess his chances. He doesn't want to look like an idiot if the apple of his eye says, "Go out with him? Are you kidding me?"

(A quick aside here: It got to the point where I just started passing out a form letter instead of a note.)

The SEC doesn't pursue candidates for a couple of reasons, mainly because the conference doesn't feel it has to chase anybody. Almost as important, it doesn't want to get accused and/or sued for stealing a team from another league.

So until some notes are passed and the goofiest dude in the math class is positive that Miss Perfect Tan and Teeth will go out with him, there won't be a 14th team.

Which leaves the huge problem of scheduling, mainly in football. Currently with the two six-team divisions, there's an eight-game conference schedule with five division opponents, one non-division and two rotating non-division opponents that transition on and off schedules every four years.

Assuming A&M is in a seven-team Western Division and assuming the league wants to continue to play eight conference games, the easiest way to adjust the schedule until a 14th member joins is to not have every Western Division team play each other.

That would keep the 5-1-2 schedule format intact, but there are coaches who already don't like that idea.

"That's not right, because if you want to win the West Division championship, you'd like to play all the guys in your division," LSU coach Les Miles said.

Alabama coach Nick Saban's concern is that long-time rivalries could get sacrificed. About the only annual rivalry that bit the dust in '92 when Arkansas and South Carolina came into the league was the Tennessee vs. Auburn matchup.

The Vols were placed in the Eastern Division and Auburn in the West, and neither has each as the permanent non-division rotator.

"I'm hopeful that the things that have been important in our league can be maintained," Saban said. "But a non-conference game that you had scheduled for next year is going to have to go off your schedule (to fit A&M) and keep a 13-game schedule."

So to the transition team in charge of scheduling, here's a mega bottle of Tylenol and a year's supply of erasers. Good luck.

Sizzle

Florida running backs Jeff Demps and Chris Rainey: All Gators' quarterback John Brantley has to do is hand them the ball while Florida offensive coordinator Charlie Weis fires a starter's pistol.

Arkansas' running game: If Hogs don't want to lose two straight games, they'd better run for at least 150 yards against Texas A&M on Saturday.

Ole Miss offense: After making just eight first downs last week against Georgia, the Rebels' offense will be simplified even more. Only quarterback sneaks and punts are allowed in Saturday's game at Fresno State.

Tennessee: By playing Buffalo (not the Bills) on Saturday, are the Vols regaining confidence or a false sense of security?