I read a post today on a commercial blogging site (guess that’s what you’d call it – I didn’t really investigate past this one post) that happened to say this: Weight loss is really not that hard. You just have to stick to it faithfully and wait for your reward.

Really? Not that hard? I’ve been going at this shit for almost two years. I’ve been working out, counting things, weighing food, keeping journals, and dealing with a complete emotional upheaval. My entire life has changed. Faithfully sticking to it? I ONLY WISH.

Maybe it IS easy for some people? Maybe this article wasn’t written for someone like me – someone who had (and still has) way more than 20 or 30 pounds to lose?

Weight loss is really not that hard, huh? Could’ve effin’ fooled me.

I’m touchy today. The pictures that I found (and posted) yesterday have had a fairly profound and surprising impact. Honestly – I cry every time I look at them.

How did I wind up at that place? What happened to me? I wasn’t unhappy – I didn’t feel out of control. I loved myself and my life and didn’t have hang ups about being overweight. I just … what? I was ok being that overweight and unhealthy?

I know I felt as if weight loss would be impossible. Too much, too hard, too many prior failures. I think I rationalized that it was ok to be overweight and unhealthy because I felt as if I had no choice. I think I suppressed the hopelessness and despair I felt at my increasing size because I didn’t know what else to do.

I never dreamed I’d make it as far as I’ve made it. I never thought I’d break the 200 barrier, for sure.

I’ve had to work really hard to overcome a lot to lose 80ish pounds. I will probably feel differently tomorrow – especially since (disclaimer:) I read all kinds of things that I don’t agree with and am 100% ok with/appreciate other viewpoints/attitudes, but today? That flippant BS is offensive.

My opinion … there’s weight loss and then there’s WEIGHT LOSS.

Anyway.

Breakfast didn’t happen until 11AM or so today since I had a session with the trainer earlyish this morning. I was SO happy to be back to my normal routine. !/4 cup yogurt, 3 strawberries, a small handful of blueberries, about an ounce of walnuts and a hard boiled egg.

Lunch was a quick salad with another hard boiled egg on top.

We ate dinner tonight at Earth Fare since we needed to do our weekly grocery shopping. I had a small salad with lettuce, olives, onions, tomatoes, feta, a couple squash slices and a little oil. I also had a small piece of swordfish that was coated with some sort of cranberry glaze or sauce or something … and a few pieces of turkey andouille sausage that had been cooked in a creole sauce. (I miss my little camera. Had to use my phone for dinner.)

I had to completely guess at fitday re: dinner since the fish and turkey sausage were both cooked with some sort of sauce. I think this is probably a somewhat low estimate: 1,643 calories, 117g fat, 80g carbs, 79g protein.

I am a normal weight person, and I don’t pretend to understand the challenges of losing a lot of weight, but even *I* think trying to stay healthy is hard as hell. It feels like being in a boxing ring, being constantly knocked out and having to get back up for more. So yeah, if you consider that type of “keeping at it” easy, then…I guess.

I recently read the book “Such a Pretty Fat” by Jen Lancaster. It is hilarious but it is also about her efforts to lose weight. One of the things she said about why she never lost weight was that she had an over-abundance of self esteem, loved her life and had no reason to lose. That is, until her doctor became worried for her health. She said the worst battle was accepting that she had to grow up. All of that really hit home for me and I realized I have much the same attitude. You are doing a great job and it is NOT easy. You have kept me inspired as I just started my plan so keep doing what you’re doing!!!

Tess – A boxing ring! That’s perfect! Yes … that’s very much what it’s like. So far, NOTHING about this has been easy. I don’t sit around complaining (much), but I don’t sit around all pollyannaish pretending this is all fun/easy, either, because it’s just not.

Tere – I think the overabundance of self-esteem is exactly what might’ve been going on with me. I had no definite reason to lose, so why bother. I wasn’t unhappy. It was hard work … for what? Two distinct things happened to me, though: I couldn’t walk around campus without dying (had to confront that I wasn’t “fit”) and I was sick ALL. THE. TIME. I ate tums every day. I finally just woke up one day and realized I was headed down a scary path. It’s definitely been a health issue for me.