Eva Maliahttps://www.evamalia.me
enLet's Have A Talk About Sexhttps://www.evamalia.me/article/lets-have-talk-about-sex
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>There is sex and there is every-day life, and sometimes each gets in the way of the other. For good and for bad, we think about sex quite often, and we hear about it everywhere, from great and not so great literature, to radio, television, or social media. Most movie and drama series producers have figured out by now that sex and violence is the sure formula for high viewing rates, and that is what they are selling us, most times, in truly distorted ways. Sex causes couples to come together and to break apart, and at least 50% of our society have had affairs outside their relationships. So given the importance and prominence of sex in our lives, shouldn’t we be talking with our partner more often about sex?</p>
<p>While humans are naturally sexual creatures, each person displays particular sexual needs and preferences, which also change throughout the lifespan. The definition of a “fulfilling” sexual life varies from person to person, depending on our biology, past sexual experiences, gender, values, background, presence of trauma, moral and religious beliefs and cultural perceptions about sex. For some people love and sex are two different things that can be perfectly separated, while for others, they can only exist together. People have preferences for different behaviors and practices, including a variety of styles, postures, fantasies, touching, use or not use of props, etc. Such diversity of sexual expressions can enrich and enhance our partnership when we feel safe to share our preferences and learn how they play into our relationship. It also allows us to find the common zone of shared sexual choices and it opens wider the gates to intimacy. Without these conversations, we are left hunting for signs, making assumptions, or ignoring the clues of mutual satisfaction. Even worse, we may fall victim to the many sexual myths that are constantly propagated by the media, and end up comparing our sexual lives to unrealistic standards of sexual gratification. It is empowering to make up our own minds about what fulfilling sex means to each of us.</p>
<p>Life can also get in the way of sex when our sexual needs are not met because of stress, daily little hazards, and a lack of time to relax with our partner. Valuing time off from work, and having clear boundaries with what keeps our minds so busy is essential to help us be present and receptive to physical connection and communication with our partner. Indeed, there is nothing better than a good vacation with plenty of naps to improve our sexual lives!</p>
<p>The most important thing to remember here is that relationships are like plants, which need to be nurtured and taken care of to live and thrive. Developing a healthy sexual practice with our partner is part of maintaining a healthy relationship, and also requires time and hard work. When we dedicate time and space to our sexual life through non-judgmental communication and practice, sex is no longer an ignored and subversive part of ourselves, and life will stop getting in the way of our sexual fulfillment.</p></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/sex" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">sex</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/sexuality" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">sexuality</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/love-and-sex" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">love and sex</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/sexual-diversity" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">sexual diversity</a></div></div></div>Tue, 17 Sep 2013 14:48:02 +0000evamalia66 at https://www.evamalia.meHeart Zen Meditation Meetup in Providence https://www.evamalia.me/article/heart-zen-meditation-meetup-providence
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Lately, I have met a lot of people inside and outside my counseling practice who have shown a strong interest in incorporating meditation into their lives. They hear the news, they listen to meditation tapes, they read books, and see it all over the internet: meditation improves your focus, your memory and your well-being. Meditation promotes healthy social relationships, increases our sense of gratefulness, and guide us towards a more meaningful life. At the same time many of these people say that they don't know how to begin a meditation practice or where to go to begin one, while others feel intimidated by attending the long Buddhist rituals and chants that often accompany meditation learning and practice.</p>
<p>I am a proclaimed Buddhist, and and I use meditation as a spiritual way to increase my level of consciousness. However meditation does not need to be a religious practice to everyone, and not everyone sees it as a spiritual way to reach enlightenment. Sitting there watching your thoughts pass by and letting them go can be just a good practice of common sense, a healthy training for the brain, and a true way of being here now. Being present liberate us from worry and anxiety about the future, and from the guilt and shame of the past. So whichever your belief or faith, you can use meditation to your advantage to be more aware, for self-knowledge, and to increase focus on the things that are really important to you.</p>
<p>For anyone that would like to begin or continue a meditation practice, I have created a meetup group in Providence directed to promote a community committed to self-growth, wisdom and compassion. The Heart Zen Meditation Group will be meeting at different times indoors and outdoors, and hopes to reach out to anyone who wants to access the healing practice of a tradition that has lived among us for thousands of years, and that is beneficial to everyone of us.</p>
<p>For more information head on over to our <a href="http://meetu.ps/1CdGMq">meetup group page</a>.</p></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/meditation" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">meditation</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/group-meditation" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">group meditation</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/zen" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Zen</a></div></div></div>Thu, 06 Jun 2013 21:35:17 +0000evamalia65 at https://www.evamalia.meQuestions that Explore Life Purposehttps://www.evamalia.me/article/questions-explore-life-purpose
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I was having an interesting conversation with my husband over breakfast about life purpose. So many of us report not having found it and feeling directionless, that from time to time I wonder why it can be so elusive and difficult to find. Research shows that finding meaning or purpose is one of the greatest ingredients for a calm and happy life. But even if you have not found meaning in your life yet, you can still have the purpose of finding your life purpose! If this is your case, here are some of the questions I ask my clients when exploring life meaning and purpose.</p>
<ol><li>What does life purpose mean to you?</li>
<li>Why find life purpose at all?</li>
<li>How far or close are you from living your life's purpose?</li>
<li>Has your purpose in life changed over time?</li>
<li>What is stopping you from finding or from living your purpose?</li>
<li>Where are you looking for your life purpose: is it in your past experiences and skills or in something completely new and different to you?</li>
<li>What kind of impact would you like to have in the world?</li>
<li>Who are your role models, the people that inspire you the most, and why?</li>
<li>Describe a couple times in your past you remember feeling fulfilled. What was happening then?</li>
<li>How would you like to see yourself one year from now. How about 10 years from now?</li>
<li>How is it going to feel when you are living your life purpose?</li>
</ol><p>Remember that most of the time finding our life purpose is about remembering who we are, what we value the most and what help us be fulfilled.</p></div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/life-purpose" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Life Purpose</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/happiness" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">happiness</a></div></div></div>Sun, 26 May 2013 01:24:59 +0000evamalia64 at https://www.evamalia.me5 Steps Towards Managing Angerhttps://www.evamalia.me/article/5-steps-towards-managing-anger
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>When I moved to Providence about 2 1/2 years ago, one of my first cultural challenges was adapting to a new city with different driving habits. I noticed how I became easily frustrated when I observed drivers turning left from the other side of the road by cutting directly in front of me when the light had just turned green; or when traffic unexpectedly stopped to a halt to let a car coming out of Taco Bell turn left on a four lane road in a no passing zone. I was not used to experiences like these, so I often became stressed and angry at the other drivers. At some point, I realized that I was getting frustrated a little too often, and that something needed to change before I lost my nerves! </p>
<h2>Analyzing the cost of anger.</h2>
<div> I thought about the cost of my driving frustrations, which included a lingering bad mood and becoming a less pleasant person to be around. I imagined my body releasing “cortisol”, the scary toxic stress hormone that undermines our mental and physical health in the long run. I was also more likely to get in an accident by being stubborn and proving to others that I was “right”. The cost was too high and the reward was absolutely none! </div>
<h2>Asking how does getting angry help the situation.</h2>
<div> My first question was: is my anger towards unknown people on the road helpful in any way? The answer, of course was clearly “not at all!”.</div>
<h2>Putting myself on other people’s shoes. </h2>
<div>I realized that I was going to live in Rhode Island for a while, and that I wanted to make the best of living in such a beautiful and historic state. Once I became a little more familiar with the place, I saw that there was some cultural precedence that was escaping my understanding of why people where driving the way they were. After all, the density of population in the east coast was much higher than what I was used to in Utah, and the road space in the streets of Providence was more limited. Rhode Islanders seemed to have actually found ways to make traffic more fluid when there are less middle lanes for turning. In this way I began to understand a different point of view, instead of fighting it! I also began to notice my own driving mistakes, which sometimes contributed to other people’s frustration and anger towards me.</div>
<h2>Letting go of the things I don’t have control over.</h2>
<div> I saw that I could not change anyone around me, and that it made no sense to be angry at one driver when there were so many others after him that would be doing something similar. I concluded that instead of trying to tell others what was fair or what they should do right, I would change my attitude and stop reacting at the “unfairness” I came across every time I drove. I practiced “letting go” every time someone did something I perceived as unfair, and went back to thinking about other more important things in my life. </div>
<h2>Changing my expectations. </h2>
<div>I began to expect the traffic to stop suddenly anytime for any reason in front of me. I expected people to sometimes cut in front of me when my light turned green, and I began to suffer less when it happened!. Instead of giving the person the evil eye, I just adjusted my driving accordingly and went back to thinking about my day. I also began to leave home a few minutes early so I would not need to get in a hurry to my office. Now, every time I get on the car, I make the conscious decision to drive relaxed and cautiously. </div>
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<div>I still feel angry when someone does something that I consider "wrong", but with monitoring and practice I work towards not letting everyday hazzards take too much of my energy. </div>
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<div>Angry driving is just one of the many ways anger debilitates us. When we are frequently angry it is hard to think clearly, find solutions to problems, improve the quality of our lives, or have the kind of relationships we want to have. The good news is that we are in charge of shaping the way we think, feel and behave through understanding, training and diligent practice. Anger does not have to control how we respond to adversity!</div>
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</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/anger-management" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">anger management</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/road-rage" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">road rage</a></div></div></div>Thu, 07 Mar 2013 19:10:40 +0000evamalia63 at https://www.evamalia.meCounseling vs Coaching: Five Differences To Considerhttps://www.evamalia.me/article/counseling-vs-coaching-five-differences-consider
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<p>Are you finding difficulty deciding whether to hire a counselor or a coach? The boundaries between coaching and counseling are not always clear, but making the right choice between one or the other can make a difference in whether you get your needs met or not. Here are some of the distinctions I have found so far:</p>
<ol><li>Coaches work with their clients to reach specific life goals that enhance their growth in the absense of limiting emotional difficulties. For example a coach may help a client set a plan to change their lifestyle, improve their business, cultivate new relationships, etc. On the other hand, counselors work with people who have thinking, emotional difficulties, or ingrained behavioral problems due to past or recent wounds, trauma, or to a chemical imbalance. <strong>If you are experiencing stress caused by your lifestyle choices, a coach can help you best; but if you have anxiety caused by emotions and thoughts that emerge from how you see and interpret the world, a counselor will be a better choice for you.</strong></li>
<li>The goals coaches set up with their clients are measurable, and the result of the actions taken to reach those goals are mostly visible. For example, a man working on changing his career will set a series of small goals that advance him towards that change. His goals may include updating his resume to his new interests, talking to experts from the field he wants to work in, or asking potential employers what skills and traits they value the most in their employees. The goals counselors set up with their clients may not be as obvious to everyone because they are directed at changing internal emotional distress, destructive thoughts, and problem behaviors. Sometimes counselors rely on their client’s self-report to determine if there is actual improvement, and sometimes they need to use evaluation tools to determine the client’s level of progress.</li>
<li><strong>Coaches work to move a client forward towards reaching his or her goal</strong>. The main focus is on taking efective action . Meanwhile, <strong>the counselor explores the origin of problems, and looks at ways to develop new strategies to confront those problems</strong>. Counselors explore with their clients ways to reach life goals even in the face of apparent difficulties, emotional distress, and barriers in reaching them.</li>
<li><strong>Coaches are more personal and tend to disclose more of their own experience than counselors</strong>. Counselors disclose rarely, and only if they feel that such disclosure can greatly advance the client’s healing process.</li>
<li><strong>Coaches can only be and act like counselors when they have a Master’s degree and a Mental Health license in the state they are practicing</strong>. However, counselors that are also coaches need to clarify with their clients at the beginning of their sessions, if their relationship is one of coaching or one of counseling since different laws and ethics regulate counseling and coaching. For example, while coaches do not have country or state barriers to practice their discipline, and can comfortably coach via the phone or Skype, a counselor's practice is limited by geographical location, and in most cases are not allowed to counsel severely distressed clients on the phone or via the internet. Insurance companies often cover counseling but do not cover coaching.</li>
</ol><p>Even these differences can be relative. Counseling can sometimes be a slower process than coaching, but this is not always the case. In my experience as a counselor, I have known some people who have solved their target problem in a couple of sessions, and others who have spent more than two years working in a more comprehensive plan addressing their past, present and future. Needless to say, people who feel depressed or anxious also want to improve themselves, grow, and move forward with their life.</p>
<p>Another issue that makes the distinction between the two modalities difficult is that there are psychological therapies, like those derived from Positive Psychology, Solution Focused Therapy and Brief Therapy which are widely used by coaches and counselors equally. Coaches always work in a collaborative relationship with their clients, and although most counselors also do so, their personal style varies in a range of possibilities , from positioning themselves as an expert to presenting themselves as equal with the client. For example Feminist Multicultural Counseling, a modality I often use in my work, can resemble coaching in that it promotes a relationship of equals between counselors and clients, are against diagnosing or pathologizing them, and have a more positive attitude towards counselor self-disclosure than traditional counselors. </p>
<p>In spite of the blurry limits between coaching and counseling, I hope those five points mentioned above help you clarify what type of service suits you the best.</p>
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<p>==<br /><em>Eva Malia is a licensed mental health counselor and coach. Eva works with clients in her private practice in Providence, RI or online via Skype. To schedule a time to talk with Ms. Malia, fill out her <a href="http://evamalia.me/inquiry-form">inquiry form</a>.</em></p>
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</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/counseling" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">counseling</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/coaching" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">coaching</a></div></div></div>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:33:32 +0000evamalia62 at https://www.evamalia.meAlways Moving Forwardhttps://www.evamalia.me/article/always-moving-forward
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>When distressing thoughts become habitual and automatic, we end up identifying with our negative mind, and become depressed or anxious.</p>
<p>We can let those negative thoughts follow their course and take over our lives without ever questioning them, or we may come to see that we have a choice in the matter, and that we can create some boundaries around our negative thinking.</p>
<p>Realizing that the negative mind is not an abnormality, but a natural part of being human, is an important step towards our mental health. It is what you do with the negative thinking that matters, and what marks the difference between living a fulfilled life or feeling like the shadow of who you really want to be. </p>
<p>The negative mind does what it normally does: evaluates, judges, is afraid, becomes angry, blames, etc. It is important to acknowledge those thoughts and feelings, however fighting them or trying to get rid of them may be an exhausting activity and a goal impossible to accomplish.</p>
<p>You can live without giving negative thoughts too much importance, and without identifying with them. Doing so will help you create a larger vision and feel free to move forward to accomplish your goals, and to aspire to fulfilling your dreams.</p>
<p>The best use of our mind happens when we focus on experiencing the world around us, or when we use our time to create, build, love, grow and discover. When we act in agreement with what we value the most, with what makes us the most happy, we are without a doubt on the road to personal success. When we do the things we are passionate about, when we work to reach small or big goals, and when we challenge our own boundaries of what “we think” we can do, then we have a lot less time to feel miserable, worried or depressed. You are living in full appreciation of your life.</p>
</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/act-therapy" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">ACT therapy</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/mindfulness" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">mindfulness</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/anxiety" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Anxiety</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/depression" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">depression</a></div></div></div>Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:45:31 +0000evamalia61 at https://www.evamalia.meIntentions for the New Year!https://www.evamalia.me/article/intentions-new-year
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Welcome to 2013, and Happy New Year to everyone! From December through the beginning of January I like to think about and write down my intentions for the new year. These intentions help me keep the direction I will need to feel awesome at the end of 2013. I divide my intentions into several areas: Health, Family, Relationship, Personal, Finances, Work, and Social. Instead of calling them resolutions, I call them intentions to highlight my focus on the journey of doing the things I want and like doing, instead of on the end goals, which to me are less important. That being said, I have a strong intention to make this year one of abundance, self-improvement, nurturing of close relationships, and of cultivating passion for my work. I would like to share some of my work intentions for 2013 because I believe that doing so will make my commitment to them even stronger. For my counseling business, I have big plans to launch new services, including offering more groups, and to specialize even more in specific anxieties, depression and behavioral difficulties</p>
<ul><li>I’ll be attending weekend trainings in Boston every month until June to receive my coaching certification in about a year, and I will be offering more coaching hours to the public as part of this training program.</li>
<li>I have also set the intention to write more articles, and maybe write less extensive ones in favor of more practical advise. I want to grow away from the academic tone of my writing to make psychology more accessible, informal and friendly to the general public.</li>
<li>I will begin including reviews of my favorite books and those I find helpful for those who love to read and have some homework.</li>
<li>Finally, I am filing an application to become a mental health provider with United Healthcare, so if everything goes well, I will be able to start seeing clients with this insurance in just a few months.</li>
</ul><p>There are some other intentions I am excited about that I am not mentioning here because I may not have the time or resources to make them happen. However, you will be the second one to know if those intentions begin to manifest, once I know myself! What are your New Year’s intentions? What values and attributes would you like to instill the New Year with?</p>
</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/new-year-goals" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">New Year goals</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/resolutions" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">resolutions</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/intentions" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">intentions</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/positive-psychology" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">positive psychology</a></div></div></div>Sun, 06 Jan 2013 18:07:44 +0000evamalia58 at https://www.evamalia.meResources for Coping with the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shootinghttps://www.evamalia.me/article/resources-coping-sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>Like most people, I feel deeply sad and disturbed about the killings of 26 innocent children and adults in Connecticut last Friday. It is hard to remain silent in the midst of so much suffering, and to ignore this feeling of powerlessness and wrongness about it all. I'd like to understand why exactly this had to happen in order to regain some sense of control over my frustration, and over the fear of this happening again. Survivors of this tragedy and their families and friends will be facing trauma, grief, and a long period of healing ahead of them. This is the time to come together as a community, and to support and protect each other as we did during events like September-11. This is also the time to make effective changes in policies that make guns readily available to anyone who wants them.</p>
<p>I put together some resources from around the web that you may find helpful in dealing with this tragedy. I’ll be adding more as I find new ones.</p>
<p>Jason Kottke shares a few wonderful resources for how to talk to children about school massacres in <a href="http://kottke.org/12/12/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-school-massacres">his blog</a>. Mr. Kottke also maintains a continued debate on gun control in <a href="http://kottke.org">his blog</a>.</p>
<p>CNN’s article by Katherine Newman: <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/17/opinion/newman-school-shooters/index.html?hpt=hp_t2">In school shootings, patterns and warning signs</a>, she talks about how we as a society can reduce the chances that tragedies like this will continue happening.</p>
<p><a href="http://www.newtownyouthandfamilyservices.org/index.php">Newtown Youth and Family Services</a>. a non-profit mental health clinic, is providing walk-in counseling to those affected in their town and surrounding area.</p>
<p>The Newtown Parent Connection offers <a href="http://www.newtownparentconnection.org/calendar.html">bereavement groups</a></p>
<p>Psychology Today offers an extensive directory of psychotherapists in the state of <a href="http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/Connecticut.html">Connecticut</a> and in <a href="http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1355768884.6694_29138&amp;city=Newtown&amp;state=CT ">Newtown, Connecticut</a>.</p>
</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/shooting" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">shooting</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/sandy-elementary-school" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">Sandy Elementary School</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/resources" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">resources</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/coping" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">coping</a></div></div></div>Mon, 17 Dec 2012 20:38:35 +0000evamalia57 at https://www.evamalia.me10 Tips for Surviving Holiday Stress https://www.evamalia.me/article/10-tips-surviving-holiday-stress
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>As the holidays approach, you may find yourself busy shopping for a list of gifts online or at the mall, decorating the yard with multicolor lights, attending or hosting holiday parties, or hurrying up to send last minute season's greeting cards to loved ones. All this work in anticipation of the Holidays can be stressful and emotionally draining if you do not take good care of yourself. Here are some tips to help you put up with stress at this time of the year.</p>
<p><strong>Meaning</strong></p>
<p>1.Think of what these holidays mean to you, and why do you want to celebrate them. Do you have spiritual, religious or family reasons? What traditions can you practice or create to make this meaning the center of your celebration? It is easy to loose sight of the reasons why we celebrate the holidays when we are so bombarded by consumerist messages from the media. Celebrate keeping in mind what really matters to you.</p>
<p>2. When you are at social gatherings, be mindful that Christmas is a Christian holiday, and that many cultures either do not celebrate it or celebrate different traditions. If you are talking to people you don’t know, it may be safer to wish them “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”.</p>
<p><strong>Budget</strong></p>
<p>3. Plan ahead and spend only what you can afford to buy gifts, holiday food, and decoration.</p>
<p>4. The bad economy is still hurting many families, so if you cannot afford gifts for your relatives, talk to them and set any expectations about gift exchange straight.</p>
<p>5. Think of alternative gifts that are meaningful, yet budget friendly. For example you can gift your own crafts, or those incredible red velvet chocolates that everyone you know loves so much.</p>
<p><strong>Schedule</strong></p>
<p>6. Create a calendar where you can write and see at a glance all your Holiday plans, from your job’s pot luck to the family reunions and get togethers with friends. That will give you a visual idea of how much time you will have, and how much energy you will need, to prepare for each event. If you are a techie person, you can download Google Calendar from the internet for free and share it with your family and friends.</p>
<p><strong>Mindful Eating</strong></p>
<p>7. Remember that we tend to eat more food and drink more alcohol when we are distracted talking to others; And for some people impulsive eating goes hand in hand with social anxiety. Make it an intention not to overeat or drink when you arrive at a party, be present as you eat your food, and consider your actual body nutritional needs.</p>
<p><strong>Self-Care</strong></p>
<p>8. If you are staying with relatives, take time for yourself to recharge. Take walks, relax with a good book, nap, drink juices, do your favorite sports or activities etc.</p>
<p>9. Spend only as much time in gatherings with your family or coworkers as it is reasonable to you. Don’t force yourself to engage with people you are uncomfortable with for long periods of time. It is okay to graciously leave a gathering as soon as you are ready to do so. You do not need to give too many explanations for why you are leaving. “It is time for me to go” is a good enough reason to leave.</p>
<p><strong>Intentions</strong></p>
<p>10. If you are going to have some time off for the holidays make it a point to really enjoy it. Make a list of small goals that would make you feel awesome this month, and aim to achieve those intentions by the end of it. Maybe you want to run a mile every day during the last two weeks of December to compensate for the extra-calories consumed during this time. Setting some intentions that you can easily make happen will help you begin the new year with a sense of accomplishment.</p>
</div></div></div>Thu, 13 Dec 2012 17:30:43 +0000evamalia56 at https://www.evamalia.meDeveloping Interpersonal Clarity: A Relationship Grouphttps://www.evamalia.me/article/developing-interpersonal-clarity-relationship-group
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<div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded"><p>I am happy to announce a new therapy group that my colleague <a href="http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/name/Claude_Verdier_MA,LMHC_Providence_Rhode+Island_67983">Claude Verdier</a> and I will begin next month. Space is limited and these groups tend to fill up quickly! Here is the information:</p>
<p><strong>Developing Interpersonal Clarity: A relationship Group.</strong></p>
<p>Increase your satisfaction, effectiveness, and closeness in your relationships with others. In a safe and supportive environment we will help you to expand your strengths, gain insight and further your capacity for direct communication with other people.</p>
<p>The aim of this twelve-week workshop is to promote a group experience in which participants can take responsibility for giving and getting what they want. We will create a climate where we become aware of our individual needs, our ability to make choices, and our interdependence. We will explore the necessity to continuously balance one's own needs, wants, wishes and actions with those of others.</p>
<p>This group is co-facilitated by Licensed Mental Health Counselors, Eva Malia M.Ed. and Claude Verdier M.A.</p>
<p>Contact us to set up a no cost appointment to meet with both of us to discuss your interest in this group.</p>
<p>Eva Malia (401) 680-6124</p>
<p>Claude Verdier (401) 274-1446</p>
<p>Email: <a href="mailto:cverdierlmhc2@verizon.net">cverdierlmhc2@verizon.net</a></p>
</div></div></div><div class="field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/group" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">group</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/relationship" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">relationship</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/interpersonal" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">interpersonal</a></div><div class="field-item odd" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/social" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">social</a></div><div class="field-item even" rel="dc:subject"><a href="/tags/communication" typeof="skos:Concept" property="rdfs:label skos:prefLabel" datatype="">communication</a></div></div></div>Sun, 09 Dec 2012 14:57:19 +0000evamalia55 at https://www.evamalia.me