Highlights

Chocolate Grinder Mix 95“Day of the Dead: The Halloween Hangover Mix”

Awaken to the ticking time bomb of impending hangover. Enjoy these final seconds of drunken delirium, for the temple knives are about to turn, slowly grinding skull to bone ash. The pain is so unspeakable that uncontrollable diarrhea comes as a welcome reprieve, and yet each toxic release brings flashes of last night’s ceremonial madness — animalistic rage, anarchistic mayhem, inhumanity as the last rite of passage.

Drifting again from nightmarish corporeality, the disembodied mind retreats to relative comfort in the familiarity of folkloric superstition and primal fear, but not even these can maintain control of a consciousness exposed to the eldritch truth of primordial existence. From the cradle to the grave, languageless wails give way to entombed tongues. Perhaps ritual is the only means of escape. Perhaps…

Fuck it, here are some of my favorite dark/scary/weird songs of 2013 accompanied by samples culled from my collection of novelty horror LPs. Hopefully, it provides the perfect soundtrack to the phantasmic phantasmagoria of your own Halloween hangover. ¡Felíz Día de los Muertos!

“Day of the Dead: The Halloween Hangover Mix”

Awaken to the ticking time bomb of impending hangover. Enjoy these final seconds of drunken delirium, for the temple knives are about to turn, slowly grinding skull to bone ash. The pain is so unspeakable that uncontrollable diarrhea comes as a welcome reprieve, and yet each toxic release brings flashes of last night’s ceremonial madness — animalistic rage, anarchistic mayhem, inhumanity as the last rite of passage.

Drifting again from nightmarish corporeality, the disembodied mind retreats to relative comfort in the familiarity of folkloric superstition and primal fear, but not even these can maintain control of a consciousness exposed to the eldritch truth of primordial existence. From the cradle to the grave, languageless wails give way to entombed tongues. Perhaps ritual is the only means of escape. Perhaps…

Fuck it, here are some of my favorite dark/scary/weird songs of 2013 accompanied by samples culled from my collection of novelty horror LPs. Hopefully, it provides the perfect soundtrack to the phantasmic phantasmagoria of your own Halloween hangover. ¡Felíz Día de los Muertos!

“Perdition (Austral Road)” featuring Ann Deveria

When you wake up, your head is splitting. You left the window open just a crack — just enough for the spit of the midnight thunderstorm to push its way inside, wetting the pane. At least the sun-rays aren’t lancing your eyeballs. At least it’s still gray, still dark enough that you lay back and try to coax your screaming brain into sleep.

“Perdition,” it’s called? That state of damnation — although, really, it’s probably just like being stuck in a waiting room forever and ever — they told you about in Sunday School that one time? The teacher — a Greek lady with the skin that smelled like paper and a bum-hip limp — she used the word “eternal” in describing it. She said, “It’s impossible to avoid, but we can lessen the brunt of the never-ending blow if we follow Him,” and you cross yourself. You tried to heed her advice, but here you are, bedridden and miserable.

Of course you’re not in hell, silly. You’ve just got a headache. And hey, those spasms behind your eyes and in your teeth — there’s poetry in that. Relish it.

“Perdition (Austral Road)” is off Oikos’ upcoming LP, Vigilia, out November 1 through new label Knockturne records.

“Laustinom”

Darkness shadows the dank cave as gleaming daylight sharply beams toward the sunken face of “Laustinom.” Her eyes peer open slowly, then WIDE, and she disappears into the black. Smashing of rock against rock, metal on mantle, and heavy breathing turns to guttural gurgles. The sound of stumbling stops, echoing only violent taring and pooled dripping.

“Laustinom” emerges from the hollowed entrance, carrying a hunk of chewed flesh and wearing tattered skin as clothing soaked in fresh blood. Immediately, she smells her breakfast traveling at a hurried pace along the empty valley, and she spares no time staring. In a heartbeat, she is a cheetah running/racing toward this caravan of meat, gets close, and uses a stick to jam the wagon wheel, which splinters into smithereens and tumbles the rest of the party.

As the wounded driver blinks, lying on the ground, between bursts of vision, he witnesses “Laustinom” slit the throats of the fallen animals and passengers. She stakes their bodies together upon a stick, heads toward the driver, and his eyes bulge into bloodshot vision. His last feeling is her tossing him atop the stake of bodies, and then hearing her spark a fire.

Den is releasing a new C30(ish) tape on (their drummer’s label) AVRCRC called Blossom Juice consisting of improv jams/bangers/grinders/murderers like “Laustinom.” Listen to the track below, and bang your head in agony:

Blue Chips 2

Action Bronson walks into a bar and orders a drink. He reaches into his pocket and sets a frog down on the bar next to him. The bartender asks him what’s up with the frog. Action replies, “This is the greatest frog ever; I’ve taught this frog how to eat pussy.” The bartender nods, “Interesting.” He rolls his eyes and walks away.

At the other end of the bar, a woman is drinking alone. She asks the bartender, “What’s up with that guy and the frog?” The bartender replies, “His name is Action Bronson, and he claims that his frog can eat pussy.” The woman says, “Really? That sounds kind of interesting. I might be into that.” The bartender says they’ll be closing in a little while, but he could talk to Action and see if he was willing to hang around.

Sure enough, after closing time, the woman drops her panties, lays back on the bar, and hikes up her skirt. Action Bronson places the frog right between her legs and says “Go on.” The frog does nothing. Action gives the frog a little prodding, and says again, “Go on.” The frog ribbits, but otherwise just sits there. Action prods again and again — nothing. Infuriated, Action suddenly picks up the frog and throws it across the room, shouting, “This is the last goddamn time I’m going to show you how to do this!”

“MISTERIO A LA ORDEN”

Just tossing this all out there right-quick. Found this “MISTERIO A LA ORDEN” mix online, or it was sent to me by an angel, but it’s fucking WEIRD and popping off. Mysteriously made by Of Greater New York City too. Really, it’s the first from a forthcoming TX/NY mix collective; get at ‘em to get on their e-mail list.

Mostly it’s just mixed-up Spanish-dubbed Scooby Doo soundtrack nonsense via Hanna Barbara land. But it’s a trip back and completely in the spirit of Halloween youth.