Stressed Out Teen Girls: Cutting to Cope

Part one: Molly's story

Meet Molly:

Molly is a high-performing 16-year-old teen girl in her junior year of high school. She has a nice group of friends, works hard in school and gets excellent grades. Molly also has multiple activities she admits she doesn’t really enjoy anymore but feels are necessary to “get into a good college."

Molly remembers a time when she enjoyed both school and her activities, but is far too burned out now to enjoy either.

What most people don’t know about Molly is that she sometimes cuts herself, in the privacy of her bedroom or bathroom, “just to feel relief or sometimes, just to feel something."

“It started as an impulse. Of course I know a lot of girls who cut so the idea came to me and I started with a paper clip. I ran it along the inside of my arm until it made a mark. Then I went deeper until I made myself bleed. It was totally engrossing and I can’t explain why but it made me feel better. I graduated to straight edge razors and, at the time, it seemed perfectly fine to me. It was a little secret compartment of my life where I had all the power and control.”

Molly’s mom saw the cuts when she walked into the bathroom as Molly got out of the shower one day. Scars and partially healed lines marked Molly’s abdomen and upper thighs. Understandably, Molly’s mom was alarmed and confronted Molly.

“It’s a sickening moment when it hits you. You have a child and you love that child and you just don’t think she’ll grow up to purposely hurt and scar herself. Fear and anger and confusion all blew up inside of me and I regret the way I handled it.”

Molly was enraged to have her secret revealed. She was also overwhelmed by the experience of seeing the cutting from her mom’s point of view. She felt her mom did not understand at all. To make matters worse, her mom began watching her nervously. Followup conversations were awkward. Frustrated and concerned, Molly’s mom soon connected Molly to therapy.

Shocked and Confused Parents

The idea of cutting oneself, on purpose, to feel better is a mindblower for parents. At one of my parent education talks, a mom asked about cutting and one of the dads in the audience assumed we were talking about “cutting class." His jaw dropped when it was explained to him.

Of course, we knew kids who made poor coping choices when we were teens and made a few ourselves. The low hanging fruit of the Coping Tree includes self-medication with drugs and alcohol, shoplifting, reckless driving, high-risk sex, and other non-beneficial activities that “fix” feelings while putting the teen at risk.

But teens who secretly cut themselves as a way to express, control and witness their emotional pain? Jaws drop.

While self-harming is not a new phenomenon, this particular offshoot is showing a disturbing rise in popularity. Accurate statistics are hard get but if you ask a professional who works with teen girls (therapists, counselors, teachers, coaches); you are likely to hear it is becoming more and more common.

How It Starts

Cutting has a contagious element and therefore spreads in stressful environments that contain greater numbers of vulnerable subjects. Eager to please, overly stressed teen girls are at risk.

Many girls share that they are sickened yet fascinated when they first hear of cutting. From there, the information is stored on a shelf in their consciousness. It is an option.

Depending on factors including stress level, stress sensitivity, emotional development, emotional support and overall lifestyle health and balance, a teen girl either will or won’t explore cutting herself.

Why It “Works”

Cutting is a coping mechanismm which means it is a way to regulate feelings. Unfortunately, it “works” in that teens report it makes them feel better. They like that they can control it, keep it secret, see and feel a “result," and express emotions people don’t seem to like, especially anger and sadness.

To make things worse, the brain wires quickly for this behavior, creating a stress + cutting = relief circuit that becomes harder and harder to break over time.

Ideally, teens employ healthier coping strategies when under stress. For example, a stressed teen might exercise, talk with friends, take a nap, have a good cry, or write in a journal to relieve stress.

Instead, cutting and other low ranking coping strategies are hastily adopted because our teens have no time, support, or creativity to develop better coping mechanisms.

Cutting Is A Symptom

It’s important to think of cutting as a symptom, which means it is secondary to a core problem. The core problem is that fewer teens have an opportunity to experience full and healthy development in a reasonably (not overwhelmingly) challenging environment.

Externally, our teens are under too much pressure. Internally, our teens lack sufficient emotional development to help them cope with it.

External stressors are numerous, varied and interrelated. Teen girls today experience much more stress than what was common in their parents’ generation. Much more than boys, girls put themselves under extraordinary pressure to be super smart, super attractive, and super well-liked (preferably adored) by everyone. Not an easy list to master.

Additional heavy hitting stressors: getting into “a good” college, not letting people down, looking attractive, looking stylish, being thin, being really, really good at everything, keeping up with commitments, keeping up with expectations, and lastly: surviving it all to get a good job so they can work even more...for the rest of their lives.

The combination of way too much stress and too little time for healthy development drives the cutting epidemic. Cultivating good, solid, healthy coping behaviors requires time, support from others, and a new way of thinking about authentic and sustainable success.

In my next blog, I will clear up common misconceptions about cutting, while offering ways to support teens in creating better coping and healthier lifestyles. We’ll also catch up with Molly, who is doing extremely well today and has trouble believing she ever cut herself to feel better.

Dr. Hemmen,
I have just recently learned that my 12yr. granddaughter(my husband and I are her legal guardians, along w/her two older sisters for the past 12 yrs now)is cutting herself.
Last week her middle school counselor brought to our attention as her school mate told the counselor she was fearful for my granddaughter. As I read your article regarding this subject, I am still absorbing the reality of it all, I tried to tie in the stressors that may be driving my granddaughter's reason to cut to cope.
When I have spoken with her, I have mentioned to her how much she is loved, and other positive realities in her life, but unfortunately she does not see it that way. "You don't understand my feeling!" is a common response. She also approached this evening and stated that she lied initially, she confessed that she has done several times last year, and that she has felt suicidal at times. This IS really SCARY. I have been placed on a "waiting" list so to speak to have her seen by some one with a local child behavior \ counseling center. My granddaughter is a returning patient, and due to her cutting issue, they assured me I would be "worked" in shortly. It has only been a week so far. What other things should I be doing for her right now?
thank you, Nervous Grandma.

I too am a grandmom raising my 14yr old granddaughter who recently attempted suicide. She has depression and anxiety also. At this time I found out she was cutting. After her inpatient hospital stay, she came home and 2 days later came to me and said I cut myself and showed me. I said to her thank you for telling me this and talked about what led up to this before she cut. She told me and it is her mother and always has been. I sat with my granddaughter and set up limitations and informed her that I love her so much I need to keep her safe. There are no locked doors, and body checks daily. Also we set up short term goals that if she doesn't cut in a two week period, she can reward herself for doing a fine job and keeping the communication open between us. So tomorrow will be her first 2 weeks and if there is no cutting her friend is coming over and we will rent movies and have a wonderful evening. I also gave her my wedding rings to wear and taught her that when she has these feeling of cutting/depression and being overwhelmed, she is to turn the rings, think about momom and that these feeling will eventually go away and to think that she can do this and I am with her all the time. So far this one technique has helped. We do have her in counseling and go weekly. Also she is on medication which will also start working.

I myself don't understand the cutting and the relief it gives and helps them feel better, but I can say that she shares all the time and I support her in everything that happens whether she cuts again or is so depressed not wanting to get out of bed. These past 2 weeks have taught me so much but I can say by supporting my granddaughter and not judging her for cutting has given her some relief and she confides in me all the time. I am still doing research and reaching out to counselors for effective ways to cope and deal with her sadness about her mother and how she is treating her. But I do believe that this will get better because everyday my granddaughter is trying and everyday when she does not cut and tries to help herself I reward her with love and say I am so proud of you we made it through today. I take one day at a time and this is working right now. I am blessed that my granddaughter talks to me about this and I listen and continue to help her through this terrible time in life. One thing I reinforced daily was that she would tell me what she is feeling, did not cut and one response I give her is that whow you are feeling this emotion and you did not cut, this is great good job. She smiled and said you are right momom I am sad about my mom but I did not cut so this is good, I can feel. We squeeze and celebrate daily with whatever emotion she has for the day.

There is no guarantee but I know I will never understand but I will keep trying and I am so lucky that she confides in me and allows me to help in anyway I can. Communication and being non judmental is the key. Times are different today than when I was growing up but this is what children do today. It is very common and many of her friends also do the cutting, I was astounded. Keep the faith and support your grandchild anyway you can. I am lucky that my granddaughter shares with me the good and the bad.
Do not give up, stay strong and positive.

Grandma i have just learned that my daughter has been cutting for about 6 to 8 weeks now. I have her talking to someone but im having such a hard time trying to understand it. If there was someone that is going thru the samething as me and willing to talk via email i would be so open to it. I love my baby so much and would do anything to take the pain away from her. Im just lost not knowning what to think or do. I have told her over and o er that im allways here to talk to.
I hope and pray that there is a light at the end of this deep tunnel and its so bright that she will reach for it..

I too am a grandmom raising my 14yr old granddaughter who recently attempted suicide. She has depression and anxiety also. At this time I found out she was cutting. After her inpatient hospital stay, she came home and 2 days later came to me and said I cut myself and showed me. I said to her thank you for telling me this and talked about what led up to this before she cut. She told me and it is her mother and always has been. I sat with my granddaughter and set up limitations and informed her that I love her so much I need to keep her safe. There are no locked doors, and body checks daily. Also we set up short term goals that if she doesn't cut in a two week period, she can reward herself for doing a fine job and keeping the communication open between us. So tomorrow will be her first 2 weeks and if there is no cutting her friend is coming over and we will rent movies and have a wonderful evening. I also gave her my wedding rings to wear and taught her that when she has these feeling of cutting/depression and being overwhelmed, she is to turn the rings, think about momom and that these feeling will eventually go away and to think that she can do this and I am with her all the time. So far this one technique has helped. We do have her in counseling and go weekly. Also she is on medication which will also start working.

I myself don't understand the cutting and the relief it gives and helps them feel better, but I can say that she shares all the time and I support her in everything that happens whether she cuts again or is so depressed not wanting to get out of bed. These past 2 weeks have taught me so much but I can say by supporting my granddaughter and not judging her for cutting has given her some relief and she confides in me all the time. I am still doing research and reaching out to counselors for effective ways to cope and deal with her sadness about her mother and how she is treating her. But I do believe that this will get better because everyday my granddaughter is trying and everyday when she does not cut and tries to help herself I reward her with love and say I am so proud of you we made it through today. I take one day at a time and this is working right now. I am blessed that my granddaughter talks to me about this and I listen and continue to help her through this terrible time in life. One thing I reinforced daily was that she would tell me what she is feeling, did not cut and one response I give her is that whow you are feeling this emotion and you did not cut, this is great good job. She smiled and said you are right momom I am sad about my mom but I did not cut so this is good, I can feel. We squeeze and celebrate daily with whatever emotion she has for the day.

There is no guarantee but I know I will never understand but I will keep trying and I am so lucky that she confides in me and allows me to help in anyway I can. Communication and being non judmental is the key. Times are different today than when I was growing up but this is what children do today. It is very common and many of her friends also do the cutting, I was astounded. Keep the faith and support your grandchild anyway you can. I am lucky that my granddaughter shares with me the good and the bad.
Do not give up, stay strong and positive.

I too am a grandmom raising my 14yr old granddaughter who recently attempted suicide. She has depression and anxiety also. At this time I found out she was cutting. After her inpatient hospital stay, she came home and 2 days later came to me and said I cut myself and showed me. I said to her thank you for telling me this and talked about what led up to this before she cut. She told me and it is her mother and always has been. I sat with my granddaughter and set up limitations and informed her that I love her so much I need to keep her safe. There are no locked doors, and body checks daily. Also we set up short term goals that if she doesn't cut in a two week period, she can reward herself for doing a fine job and keeping the communication open between us. So tomorrow will be her first 2 weeks and if there is no cutting her friend is coming over and we will rent movies and have a wonderful evening. I also gave her my wedding rings to wear and taught her that when she has these feeling of cutting/depression and being overwhelmed, she is to turn the rings, think about momom and that these feeling will eventually go away and to think that she can do this and I am with her all the time. So far this one technique has helped. We do have her in counseling and go weekly. Also she is on medication which will also start working.

I myself don't understand the cutting and the relief it gives and helps them feel better, but I can say that she shares all the time and I support her in everything that happens whether she cuts again or is so depressed not wanting to get out of bed. These past 2 weeks have taught me so much but I can say by supporting my granddaughter and not judging her for cutting has given her some relief and she confides in me all the time. I am still doing research and reaching out to counselors for effective ways to cope and deal with her sadness about her mother and how she is treating her. But I do believe that this will get better because everyday my granddaughter is trying and everyday when she does not cut and tries to help herself I reward her with love and say I am so proud of you we made it through today. I take one day at a time and this is working right now. I am blessed that my granddaughter talks to me about this and I listen and continue to help her through this terrible time in life. One thing I reinforced daily was that she would tell me what she is feeling, did not cut and one response I give her is that whow you are feeling this emotion and you did not cut, this is great good job. She smiled and said you are right momom I am sad about my mom but I did not cut so this is good, I can feel. We squeeze and celebrate daily with whatever emotion she has for the day.

There is no guarantee but I know I will never understand but I will keep trying and I am so lucky that she confides in me and allows me to help in anyway I can. Communication and being non judmental is the key. Times are different today than when I was growing up but this is what children do today. It is very common and many of her friends also do the cutting, I was astounded. Keep the faith and support your grandchild anyway you can. I am lucky that my granddaughter shares with me the good and the bad.
Do not give up, stay strong and positive.

I have a teen daughter and a couple years ago we moved out of state away from her best friend. We have flown the friend out on a few occasions and they stay in touch and have a grand time together. However, the friend has been cutting. I don't know the details of her situation but understand that there has been some form of abuse in her past. She has confided in me and text messages me about suicidal thoughts and cutting. She has been seeing a counselor, but it sounds like there are things she may be telling me that she doesn't tell the counselor. I've been encouraging her that she is loved and has such a bright future. We are both Christians and I have given her some scriptures to read and prayed with her. I really want to help her, but don't know how other than continued encouragement. She's several states away from us, so visiting is difficult and expensive.

I used to cut myself. The reason that i cut was because of sexual abuse when i was little, and sexual abuse by a guy that i have known my entire life.
Cutting does not only let us cope. but it gives us a sense of feeling. i don't know how to tell what i am feeling. i don't like to explain it. i have seen two counselors, and i did not like either of them. i know that it is something i can not change, but i don't like to be asked how i feel. when i cut. I feel relieved. the blood that dripped down my wrist, was comforting. not understandable, but it was. it gave me the sense of knowing how i felt. and i felt relieved, and in pain from the razor slicing my skin open. It felt good though.
My friends, when they found out, did not help me at all, they just told everyone (including me) that i was "emo". and other kids would yell in the middle of a crowd, "alyssa, you cut yourself?!" it would be embarrassing, but i would just come up with a lie. like i crashed my quad into a fence and it cut me. and they would believe me because i would not let them see up close.
It became almost like a game of hide and go seek, tag. I hid the cuts and scars, and if someone seen i would run. I was told im depressed. and one of the guys that abused me overdosed. I felt bad. and he abused me again. I tried to convince him of reasons why he should leave. but he didn't care.
Cutting helped to get my mind off from all of this. I hate that people look at me different now that they know i used to cut myself. and a lot of people dont think it is an addiction. but it is, and it is hard to stop. like smoking or drinking. (i also have a drinking addiction). my mom does not know about. when i see alcohol, i want it. and i dont just want a little bit of it. i want a lot of it. so that my memories will go away. weather i remember that night or not.
I am very irritable. if someone that i dont like walks into the room, im automatically annoyed. they dont even have to say anything. but i dont act on it. i just act like i dont care. because im supposed to be the "nice" girl. Im not supposed to stand up for myself. im supposed to let people walk all over me.
Not as easy as people think. and its not as easy as my family thinks either. highschool, friends, parties, peer pressure, they all affect me. my weakness is alcohol and razors. But after alcohol i cant remember anything and i feel gross, because i know that i had sex with a guy because usually they let me know afterwards. and with cutting, the cuts last a long time.

I just want to take the opportunity,to say thank you for your story.I have a 16 year old daughter whom I love very much.For 15 years I have been in and out of her life.I am a recovering alcoholic.It has been 6.5 years since I drank.My daughter who has lived with her grandmother,grandfather,mother,sister and aunty who died from an overdose for the past 15 years,came to live with me last year.yay!! For 2 years she has been cutting. She has a councellor she see's once a week.Plus she is starting to see a child psychiatrist.My gratitude goes out to you in every way possible.Your courage to share your story has helped me to understand my daughter some.She is very reserved when cutting is mentioned.We have a long road ahead of us and your story has helped me to be a lot more understanding,patient,loving and openminded.Thank you!

hi. I'm a single mom. my daughter just started high school this year. It was really hard for her socially. Really hard. she quit everything she used to do. shes always been the type that keeps everything to herself..and just deals with it. she wont talk to me,counselors, anyone. she just stares at the wall. a lot of what u said reminds me of her. she has two brothers who are special needs..and get more attention. she does escellent in school..always has. I stop in her room and just sit and talk about anything. schedule time to do things with just us. went to her physical today cuz im trying to get her back into track again..shes cutting. i feel so numb. like i failed as a parent. how can she be in soo much pain, and not talk to me. she writes..she draws..wont let me in. ever. her father is serving twebty years. we've been homeless..survived a housefire..its been a road. how do i help her if she wont let me in? she just holes herself up in her room and all she says is everything is fine. its always fine. with smiles and changes of subjects. such a good actor. cant see whats underneath. i honestly dont know what to do..without making it worse.

I really want to thank the author for writing this. In most blogs and stuff they just mostly scip the 'start' part. I felt like it was just stupid and attention seeking because I was fascinated by it and did know what I started. That's also part of the reason I don't really feel like seeking help (and I sort of like that I'm doing it (stupid huh?)). That more girls start the way I do and have the same things and stuff really help me. Most places they just call it 'to relief great emotional pain' and than I get mad because I feel like I'm a poser also because I'm doing pretty well in life getting good grates and making my way up to university and all and having the discipline to actually accomplish things. And you helped me feel less alone and less mad at my self.

What people don't seem to realize that cutting is prevelant among boys too. They don't disregard it, however they usually don't acknowledge it. For example, this article itself SPECIFIES girls. It specifies girls and focuses on a girl, and constantly brings up the stressors of girls.

Boys may cut themselves far less frequently than girls, but it is still an issue. A boy's place in society and his psychology and his adolescent development are all different from a girl's. I believe because of this, they should recieve attention to find out why they do it. It may not be far off from a girl's, but should still be studied and written about.

By constantly specifying girls, people tend to associate cutting with girls. If they hear of a boy doing it, they will take it far less seriously. They will view it with disdain and scorn. I have personally seen it happen. Writers of articles like these should explain that it happens across both genders.

Your suggestions for coping:exercise, talk with friends, take a nap, have a good cry, or write in a journal to relieve stress—do not help with overwhelm, overburdening expectations, and cultural/social/economic demands to be perfect. Molly learned very well that who she "is" and how she feels are irrelevant, because she will be competing based on her performance for everything in life. For an education, for a job that isn't flipping burgers so she can afford decent housing and healthcare. None of things come without a mountain of perfect or near-perfect performance. And that requires delaying gratification for life: who is Molly? How does Molly feel about this? Is Molly allowed to get off the treadmill, or ask it to slow down? She knows that in order to compete, to stay in the game, she cannot feel or be anything but a doing & performing machine. Letting people means she isn't perfect, and someone else will have a decent job. Her "friends" are no help, they're in competition with Molly and are likely just as squeezed as she is! When would she have time to take a nap or write in her journal? Do you have any idea how booked these kids are with schoolwork and activities? And all high achievers like Molly are always on at least one varsity team, so she's probably getting more than enogh exercise already!
Cutting works. It's as simple as that, and none of the ordinary coping behaviors work as well or reliably as it does. Molly was most likely emotionally invalidated her whole life, and understood which emotions she wasn't supposed to express; crying at that age isn't allowed, and far too easily overheard. Molly wasn't stupid or lacking in creativity—she used the only option available which worked and worked within her life.

My son is cutting. We have not gotten to the "root" of the problem or anxieties. He is now at the hospital and the doc wants him to go to a residential facility. If I can paint a picture of my son when he is at home, he is laughing, making jokes, interactive with all of us here, etc. etc. He does not appear to be the "depressive" type what-so-ever, so what he is reporting to the therapist is completely the opposite of what he tells us. I am in a place where I don't even know my own son! I recently have known that he is on these chat websites where he meets other "cutters" and wonder if he is getting influenced by them to do these behaviors. Please, if there is anyone out there that could help me wrap my brain around this, please let me know.

I know this was a while ago, and I'm so sorry for what u were going thru. It sounds very similar to our current situation. If you would be willing to share with me I would be very grateful.
My email is reneecle@verizon.net

okay...so this is the first time I've ever went out of my comfort zone and posted anything about my problems....so it's really hard for me to say exactly what I feel but I'll try my best.
I've been on and off cutting since I was 13 and now I'm almost 18....and nobody in my family knows. I've cut on my wrists, legs, upper arms, thighs and stomach. But it's constantly been a game of hide and seek where I try to hide all the cuts and scars so that no one can see. Only my friends know that I used to cut a while ago (they think I stopped) and I've made them promise they won't tell my family.
I've tried to commit suicide twice and failed.....like who does that...and the reason I cut is to run away from my mental pain. When I cut it just helps me calm down a lot and my brain gets cleared from all the stress and I can get back to being a normal teenager. I'm an honours student who just graduated high school, and I'm not the depressive type either because I'm always laughing so it's really hard for people to even guess that I self harm. I don't know I've tried a lot of my methods to try to stop but my cutting is getting out of hand lately and I think I need to go to therapy now.....but I just can't bring myself to tell my parents....I don't want them to be in pain because of me....I honestly need help....I don't know how much longer I can hold on...

Hi there. I'm a Mom to a daughter who's considering cutting, but I don't think she's started it yet. I just learned about this yesterday, when I took her for a depression evaluation.

As a parent I can tell you that your parents want & need to know this. Yes, it's extremely difficult to tell them, and it's hard to hear. But what's worse is not knowing, and then not being able to help. You can always tell your parents you need to see a therapist because of depression and that it's urgent if that's an easier way to go. My daughter didn't tell me directly, but I was able to figure it out yesterday because of a photo that accidentally streamed to my laptop.
I will do anything I can to support her and have told her that. She has an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday to get help.
PLEASE tell your parents. You could start by telling one of them and that person can share with the other parent. Anything you can do to get help is worth doing.
You are important, and it's ok to need help. It's so hard to deal with all of the pressure. Please ask for therapy. As a parent, I can tell you that we want and Need to know this.
Sending you love and warm wishes.

I saw your post today because i was looking for help for my daughter who is 14. I just saw her wrists today and saw that she's been cutting herself. I asked her about it and she says she does it to cope with stress and anxiety. She says it doesn't hurt when she does it. ..the reason I'm commenting on your post is because i as a parent and i love my daughter. I'm sure your parents love you too. Please tell them. Parents love their children unconditionally. Trust them with this. I'm sure they want to help. I hope that since you posted this, you've gotten some help. You don't have to be alone in this.

it's been almost 4 months since I went out and got help. And I don't regret it at all!
Since May I've been completely clean. I haven't cut even once and I'm not going to ever again!
I don't overthink about stuff anymore and I'm so much happier!!
As a person who went through self harm and was suicidal I strongly recommend that everyone should try to get help. It's definitely worth it. I went from a person who didn't want to live anymore to a person who can't stop loving life! It's a hard journey but definitely worth it!!

I am so happy to hear you are feeling better! Can I ask you, what do you think is important that parents understand about cutting? And from your perspective, what do you think parents should do to help their child? I would really appreciate hearing your opinions as you have lived it.

So I talked to them and told them that I need to go to a doctor and or psychiatrist. But I kinda stressed the doctor issue because I've been having chest pain on my left side lately and have been told by different people to visit a cardiologist. I told them I was stressed and depressed and vaguely mentioned the cutting issue....but I think they got the message. I'm going to the cardiologist on Friday. And I'm pretty sure that as soon as I step foot in the doctors office and start getting my tests that I've been scheduled for done they'll see my upper arms and stomach and the scars and cuts they'll figure it out. I'm not comfortable telling them anything more than I already have but I hope they can understand what I'm going through. Cause honestly I'm really tired of life like this and I just want to get better. And go back to a normal life.
Thanks for your support, it honestly means a lot to me.

So glad to hear that you told them and that you're getting to a doctor's office! I really hope the cardiologist refers you to someone you can talk to. You can tell someone in that office that you need a referral to a counselor.
You are so brave, and I'm so glad you were able to tell your parents. It's so important to seek help. You took the first step of this journey, and that takes a lot of courage. You will get thru this, and then you'll be amazed at the strength and determination you had to work on this.
I hope you know that you are important, and your family and friends love you (the real you). You are important to me, and we haven't even met. You made my day when I just read that you told your family and that you're seeing a doctor. Thanks for that. I really needed to hear something positive right now.

My daughter is struggling, and we saw a therapist again yesterday. We're going again on Friday. I'm just glad we are on the path, like you are. It's one day at a time, and sometimes we take things an hour at a time.
Best of luck to you. Sending you positive thoughts and a big hug. Please let me know how it's going. You will get thru this. Keep the faith! I'm just so proud of you!

Thank you for your support. It honestly means a lot to me. It kinda makes me feel like the world isn't as hopeless a place as I thought it was. And that there are still good people out there who will help you in exchange for your happiness.
I don't know why but I want to tell you that I'm going to college next year to study for med school. And the reason I chose med school is so I can become a doctor and help people in need....like you helped me.
Wish you best of luck with your daughter.

Thank you so much for your kind words. You have helped me as well, more than I can tell you. By communicating with you, I can begin to see some light in the darkness of depression. I can see it in you, and I can feel that already my daughter's depression has inadvertently helped someone else.
It's a very difficult road, and I know we have just started on it.

Yet you remind me that there will be some rainbows that will pop up amid the dark, stormy clouds. Those bursts of sun & light will help each of us hold on when the dark clouds are feeling heavy and overwhelming. It may be a corny analogy, but I really am so glad that you've been able to remind me that there will be good days/things ahead too. The good things will feel like we're winning an Oscar after we've dealt with this level of bad things that have pulled us down. We will appreciate them so much more than the average person.

CONGRATS on going off to college and med school. That's so AWESOME. I'm sure you'll be great, as you already have compassion and a big heart. You are obviously smart as well, with your honors grades. Thanks for letting me know. It means a lot to be a small part of your world.
It will be good to get help and learn new tools and skills before you go. I know it will take time, but hopefully you'll see the light ahead.
As a person with a chronic pain disorder myself, I can tell you that it will be a true blessing to add another compassionate doctor to the world. You've made me smile and, again, I am so proud of you for taking these steps. Therapy will be very helpful. You deserve someone who will understand you and give you some new skills/ways to cope. That person is out there.
Keep up the good work. You will get there, I can feel it. Sending you more hugs and sunshine.

so yea I went to the cardiologist yesterday. And it was even worse than I expected it to be.....my parents didn't really expect the amount of cuts and scars that I have on my body. And they were especially surprised and hurt by the ones on my stomach. I really really hurt them and I wish I hadn't. The cardiologist did a full medical check up and did echo, ecg and a lot of other tests. I have to go again on Wednesday. And the cardiologist also referred me to a psychiatrist to which I have to start going on Tuesday.
I'm really stressed out right now and I'm having a really hard time trying to stop myself from cutting. But I promised myself I'm not gonna cut again for my parents sake. I'm really disappointed in myself for making my parents go through this pain but I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for being there for me.

So glad you went to the doctor. I'm sure it was very hard for you and your parents. But I'm also sure they are glad they know now, and that they can help you now.
As parents, we feel badly that we didn't understand the situation sooner. The surprise also brings guilt for many of us. We feel that we should have known (as if we have ESP) and tend to blame ourselves for not being there sooner.

As far as hurting your parents, I think they just feel pain because they can see what you've been going thru. They hurt when you hurt. This is all new to them, and it's hard to understand at first. There's a lot that us parents have to learn, and we feel like we've failed our kid if they are having problems. Especially if we realize that it's been going on a long time. Then we feel like we've failed them for years, and that's painful.

So, trust me. You did the right thing in telling them, and you were so brave to bring this out in the open. It's a super challenging time, but it will get better. I hope your next appointments go well.
Yesterday we brought my daughter to a psychiatrist. It was tough, but we're so glad we know more, and that we can help her better. We've told her that she doesn't have to protect us, we want to know what's happening with her. (It's a gradual process and we are making some progress.)

I hope you've talked to your parents about this. They understand that you weren't trying to hurt them or even yourself (I think). You were probably trying to find ways to cope with anxiety or other emotional pain. (One idea-- you can show them some articles on the topic and then they can 'get it' better.)

Hang in there. You're going thru the toughest part of this journey, and it will get easier and better over time. But you did it, and that's something to feel very proud of. Really, that takes guts!

Keep this in mind: “If your bad days turn into bad months, just remember your good days can turn into good months.”

It will get better. Please be kind to yourself. Know that help is coming and that you've taken the hardest step.
You are important, and your family and friends (and I) want you to know that you are loved and admired.
Sending you a smile and warm wishes. You will get thru this, and you'll be so glad when you've gotten thru these first few steps. You rock!

Thanks.....I'm honestly really trying and my parents are actually trying to help now! But they don't understand me, it's been like that ever since I was really little.
Anyhow my boyfriend is over from his uni which is 2 hours away. And he's really helping me cope with everything. And he talked to my parents too.
Thanks for your help!! And wishing you best of luck with your daughter!!!

Glad to hear that your parents and boyfriend are trying to help. Yes, parents may not understand you or what you're going thru, but they want to help you. If you can, tell them what is helpful to you and what isn't. I'm still trying to figure that out with my daughter.

So glad you have your boyfriend for support too. Keep up the good work. You are strong and you have so much courage. It will get better.

My daughter is going into a partial hospitalization program tomorrow. Whew. She's having suicidal thoughts and this was recommended by her therapist. Tough few days here, that's why I haven't been checking for a response lately.

If you have any recommendations for me relating to my daughter, please let me know. Thanks.

I was under the impression that when children cut themselves that they normally kept it as there own secrete. I'm worried about my niece she's twelve. She acting out in so many ways. Her home life has been tramatic. Her father is in prison for third time, all drug related. My sister, her mother, is for the most part, concerned with her own well being. My niece shows off her cuts... send pictures to her friends and has no shame about it. If you try to talk to her about it, she just giggles. She and I have always been very close. I need someone to help me understand. So, I can help her. I've everything. If she thinks cutting a joke at 12, what will she be doing at 17?

Hi Stephanie. Whew, that sounds like a rough environment for your niece. I think you are right in that this is a concern. Can you talk to her Mom or her school guidance counselor about getting her some therapy? It might be a cry for help.

Cutting is often done so the person can feel something. It's a negative coping mechanism, and can be reinforced by peers who are doing it. That may be why she's sharing pictures.

Please follow your gut and get her help now, at age 12. From what I've heard, the longer someone cuts, the more they want to cut. Also you may want to invite your niece for some one-on-one time together. Whether it's lunch, or an outing, it'd be great to show her some attention. She probably would love it, and you'd show her that someone really cares.

There may be national hotlines that help with this as well. One I've heard of is http://www.crisistextline.org
You can try it, and also give the info to your niece, as it's a texting resource (teens normal communication method).

Hang in there. It's great that you are in her life to support her thru the teen years. If she can get help now, it may be able to save her from future forms of self-harm. It's scary stuff, and I know from experience (my child). But you can get thru this. When your niece has a chance to talk to someone who is trained to deal with this, it's amazing the improvement you can make.

I am concerned about a young girl I've known since she was about 4. She has done gymnastics with our program for years and I noticed cutting signs on her arms first, then on her thighs. She doesn't seem to be trying to hide these cuts. One of our coaches has been speaking with her about this, telling her she is there to listen. The girl said when it was brought to her parents attention they felt she was just looking for attention and grounded her. She is 14 now and I'm worried about her.

I watch the lessons with my two kids and we all laugh at the videos, but then talk about them in a way that my kids actually learn and get great takeaways. They have videos for mental strength and also school and financial lessons. I found it here at preparemykidcom