Where the Nurses are Pretty and the Doctors are Pissed

acology is the study of medical remedies. nursemyra could probably devote an entire year to acology and still barely scratch the surface of such an enormous all-encompassing topic. let’s start with animal cures….

To cure mumps take the halter of an ass and put it around the patient. lead the patient around a pigsty three times. to cure whooping cough pass the patient over and under an ass nine times. Sit backwards on an ass to cure toothache

artwork by Harukawa Namio

For sore eyes, mix crushedbedbugs with salt and human milk, rub your eyes with this twice a day

To cure arthritis take a dead cat into the woods to a hollow stump whch has spunk in it. Twirl the cat overhead and toss to the south. To cure baldness smear your head with fresh cow manure. Hit a stuttering person in the mouth with a chicken’s gizzard to cure a speech impediment.

To cure whooping cough, drink from the same bowl a ferret has drunk from. Warm pureed frog will cure impotence and spitting in a frog’s mouth will cure a sore throat

To rid yourself of an ingrown toenail, attach a lizard’s liver to a leather string and tie it round your left ankle.

i’ve heard of thet pickled sheep’s eye before. apparently, it works. my own opinion is i would surely puke my insides out, removing any and all impurities from my system (including the sheep’s eye). i’m sure i would be sick afterwards, however, the cure being worse than the hangover.
and every time i see that poor one eyes sheep, i’m sure i would cry over my complicity and guilt.
baaaa.

So… that’s what why there’s all those dead cats around my spunk stump. That is my special place and I don’t appreciate all you arthritic people showing up and befouling like that. You find your own stump to wank off in and throw dead cats around!

“pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice”?
Gotta try that sometime for my morning wafflehead.
Hmmm . . . I couldn’t get the sheep’s red stiletto heels out of my mind.
Did Pink Floyd ever use that picture as cover art?
Dark Side of the Moon?
Damn, they should have.
~m