Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Sometimes I shouldn't open my mouth...

It was my idea…why? I suggested it mostly as a joke when we were thinking of new careers for him – he likes guns so it made sense in my mind. However, I didn’t expect him to be interested. Or to find out that he was considering it but didn’t want to say it because he thought I would freak out. Which I did. But then I stopped and thought about it. Mostly about how hot he would look in the uniform. But I also thought about my feelings on guns (before we got married, I told Mike – my gun loving American that he could never own a gun), on how I hate it when he’s gone more often than he’s home, how I worry needlessly about him getting in a car accident if he’s 10 minutes late so how would I be if he had a higher risk job, but mostly I just thought about how regardless of all that, I think he’ll be a great cop and he would actually enjoy his job.

I do think he would be a great police officer. He is calm, controlled, works well with people, dedicated, physically active and would love a diverse and changing job. I think he would enjoy it. Does that mean I want him to be a cop? Not 100% but I want him to have a job he loves, I want him to wake up and enjoy going to work. I hate watching him go to a job he hates because he wants to provide for us. I could picture him as a cop and I like that picture. I’m not a huge fan of the hours or the time away from us but I also know that EPS has pretty decent hours and I truly do believe that we could make it work. They do 4 days on and 4 days off so you actually do get a significant amount of time together but I’m also not naive enough to think that those 4 days on won’t be extremely difficult, especially if he’s working nights. I also know that cops have one of the highest divorce rates in a profession and I will not let that happen to us which means we are going to have to be intentional and really work on our marriage, a lot more than we do now if I’m being honest. I worry that with me working, it will make it a lot harder for me and for us to see each other. If he’s working weekends, then I’m home alone those days and even if he’s off for 4 days, if it’s during the week, I won’t see him because I’ll be at work. We’ll have evenings but with the little dude, that’s not always quiet or relaxing. The nice thing is that he will make more money and if I really wanted to, we could afford for me to stay home and then when he’s home for those 4 days, I will be there too! So we’ll see. I’ll also have to get used to holidays not being celebrated on the actual day (although bonus – holidays are paid @ triple time!) and Mike missing some of those big moments in our lives but I do believe we will be able to do it. There will be sacrifices but if my husband is able to have a job he loves and be able to provide for our family, I will support him. 100%. I know that if I ever said I can’t handle it, even if he’s been a cop for 20 years, he would quit that day. I know that. And I am comfortable with him going into this because I know that. I have no doubt that Mike would do absolutely anything for our family.

But as much as both Mike & I think this is what he should do, we are waiting. This is not a small decision. It’s more than a career, it’s a lifestyle and we can’t make this decision lightly. So we are working on getting all the documents ready for the application (which is no small feat) and we have to wait for some certificates to come (since Mike is American he has to get some extra documentation) and that will take 6 weeks so we are going to use that time to really pray about this and really make sure this is what God wants us to do as a family. Mike needs to train so he is ready for the physical fitness challenge and again, we are using that time to pray about this. We can’t apply for 6 weeks and I think that is a huge blessing because that gives us time to make sure we are not rushing into this and that we are going into this as informed as possible. We are meeting with a couple from church, he is a cop with EPS, and we want their insights and thoughts about becoming a police family.And then, in about 6 weeks time, we hand in that 100 page application and start this journey (maybe!). And pray that we will continue to be directed by God and that we will seek his will in our lives.

I think we are going to do this but I know I need to open to the idea that this may not be what we should do, which I think will be hard to hear because I have spent a lot of time praying, researching and struggling to come to terms with the idea and I feel like I am there now and I am excited for Mike so if it ends up not being what we should do, I’m going to be honest – it will be a struggle. But we have been disappointed before and we still continue on and if we are disappointed again, we will continue on. Together.And that’s all that matters.