Birds like that

Got chatting to this lass
Swear down
She was as fit as fuck
You would have took
Her for a model
She was class

So I shot to the bar
Got another round in
Got her a double
My heart was pounding
I had sweat on my sleeve
And -

For fucks sake
Slow down and breathe
Or you'll balls it up
And she'll leave
And you'll be stood alone
Texting bollocks
On your phone
To your mate
Bullshitting that you've scored
When in fact
You've poured
It all down the pisser

So just play it cool

And don't put her hand
On your nob
Or try to kiss her

So I listened for an hour
And she bored me shitless
This epitome
Of total fitness
Who swallowed Bacardi
Like it was water
Was 24 and had
A daughter

Blah blah blah
Blah blah blah
Blah

Fuck this I thought
She's weird
It's time I supped-up
And disappeared
She's got a bloke inside
And her heads not right
It's curry 'n' chips
Times one tonight
So later on
I text my mate
Said the shag I'd had
Was great

Comments

Good this. An urban tale of our times. Can I ask something however that prop no one else will think interesting. This term - "Swear Down" I have heard it in Bolton but nowhere else! What are your feelings on where it comes from? Swear on... I swear... but "Swear down" Sorry I just find slang interesting. Win

Very amusing....she certainly saw you coming! And extremely well written!
Sorry to sound old fashioned but I dont like the first comment on your page. Not amusing, not witty, not nice.
Luckily I am not one of the thousands of women in Britain raped every year, but if I was I could imagine a comment like that to be hurtful in the extreme.
Cate xx