Thursday, November 23, 2017

Tonight, in at 12:01am Friday, November 24, 2016, begins what we've somewhat arbitrarily (since the actual origin is shrouded in prehistory; see below) declared the twenty-first annual running of the "War on the Little Drummer Boy." You are invited to take part. No registration fee or peeing in little cups is required.

The (revised) rules are as follows:

1. The challenge begins at 12:01am local time on the day after Thanksgiving – this year that's tonight, November 23rd. It ends at 12:01am local time on December 24th.

2. If you hear even a tiny snatch of TLDB at any time during that period, and it's recognizable as such, the game's over until next year. Thanks for playing.

3. There are three exceptions to Rule #2.

3a. The first exception is that if someone deliberately plays TLDB just to make you lose, it doesn't count (this, I'm sorry to say, is known as the My Sister Jane Exception).

3c. (Added by the Commissioner in 2017) The third exception is this scene from Tne West Wing. If you happen to see or hear this specific scene, it doesn't end the game. (And yes, if you've ever been to a burial with an honor guard, you'll already know: even if you're braced and prepared, those rifles feel really loud.)

4. (Based on the 2013 ruling by the Commissioner.) Since the date of Thanksgiving floats, scoring is based on how many days remain until Christmas, not how many days have passed since Thanksgiving. So, e.g., December 15th from any year always beats December 14th from any year.

(Note that Rule #4 will mean that this year has a slightly higher degree of difficulty than usual, since in 2017 Thanksgiving falls on one of the earliest calendar dates possible.)

Chances are better for those who do not work in retail, who do their holiday shopping online rather than in stores, and who do not spend time in cars with the radio tuned to all-Christmas channels. Beyond that, you're on your own

The precise origins of The Annual "The Little Drummer Boy" Competition are lost to antiquity and legend, but many reputable historians of the sport believe it may trace back to this moment on December 18, 1963.

You can read more about my war with "The Little Drummer Boy," and relive highlights from previous seasons-- including the crucial importance of Rule 3b -- here.

If you played last winter, I hope you'll play again this season. If you're a beginner, I hope you'll join. Feel free to check in via the comments here, or at my Facebook Page, to let me know how you're going.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

(And it's a doozy!):We update this history today for the first time since 2015 when Jeb! Bush, who almost – but not quite
– reclaimed some Kennedy territory. But p3 First Amendment fans ain't seen nothin' yet!(NOTE: This timeline was originally published in shorter form in 2009, driven by the somewhat-naive thoug ht that the time that then the process of theocratic overreach in the US was probably already at or near its zenith. Now it appears that p3 must stand ready for further revisions from time to time, as the exigencies of Republican electoral politics require it. We welcome the task.)

1791James
Madison: Congress
shall make no law respecting
an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise
thereof.

1802Thomas
Jefferson:
The Establishment Clause of the First Amendment guarantees
Americans a
wall of separation between
church and state.

1954Dwight
Eisenhower:
The separation of church and state surely won't
be hurt by adding "under God" to
The Pledge of Allegiance in the name of anti-Communism, will it?

1960John
F. Kennedy:
The separation of church and state is absolute.
My church will not dictate my policy decisions.

2009Bart
Stupack:
The separation of church and state is a
fairy tale.
My church will show up at the Capitol steps in a limo to dictate
policy.

2012Rick
Santorum:
The separation of church and state is an
abomination.
"Earlier in my political career, I had the opportunity to read
the speech [by JFK to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association in
1960], and I almost threw up."

2012Sally
Quinn:
The separation of church and state is impossible.
“This is a religious country. Part of claiming your citizenship is
claiming a belief in God, even if you are not Christian.”
Agnostics, atheists, and other nonbelievers need not apply.

2014Rick
Santorum (again):
The very notion of the separation of church and state is "a
Communist idea that has no place in America."

2015Fifty-seven
percent of surveyed Republicans:
The separation of church and state is sacreligious,
since the U.S. Constitution is a document inspired by Our Lord Jesus
Christ, so it
counts as Holy Scripture.

2015Rand
Paul, libertarian-of-convenience:
The separation of church and state is a
one-way street:
"The First Amendment says keep government out of religion. It
doesn't say keep religion out of government."

2015Jeb
Bush, "moderate"
GOP presidential candidate: The separation of church and state is
nothing more than a "game" of "political
correctness."

2015Jeb Bush (again), apparently ignoring his promise of roughly six weeks earlier (see above)
that his Catholic faith would naturally influence how he governed as
president: "I don’t get economic policy
from my bishops or my cardinals or my pope,"
adding "I think religion ought to be about making us better as
people, less about things [that] end up getting into the political
realm.”

Ooh! So close
to what JFK promised in 1960 (also above) – so close!
Except that Kennedy pledged that the church would not dictate his
policy decisions – Period. Full stop. – whereas Jeb only pledges
that the church won't dictate his economic
decisions. This means that, as both a good Cafeteria Catholic and a Republican candidate who must pander to his base to make it through the primaries alive, he feels free
to ignore anything he doesn't like that the Pope says about matters like climate change, economic inequality, privatizing Social
Security, or similar things that could make a difference to his donors' bottom line.

But, of course, he considers himself totally free to invoke his
faith in the name of being anti-choice and anti-contraception, to say
nothing of attempting to use the Florida National Guard to cruelly prolong
the life of Terri Schiavo. (You didn't forget that one, did you?)

201745th President and widey-noted Christianity practitioner Donald J. Trump,signing his "Religious Liberty Executive Order" coinciding with National Prayer Day: "The order, which Trump inked during a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden, directs the IRS to exercise "maximum enforcement discretion" over the Johnson amendment, which prevents churches and other tax-exempt religious organizations from endorsing or opposing political candidates. It also provides "regulatory relief" for organizations that object on religious grounds to a provision in Obamacare that mandates employers provide certain health services, including coverage for contraception."We will not allow people of faith to be targeted, bullied or silenced anymore," Trump proclaimed during his remarks.

Friday, December 23, 2016

I got nailed in the great p3 “Little
Drummer Boy” challenge last night, Thursday the 22nd, at 8:30pm,
with two days and a threee-plus hours before the deadline. It's one
of my best non-winning scores.

oh,
who am I kidding? I didn't have a “best non-winning score;” I
lost. Period. Rules are rules. I have to wait until next year to try again.
I'll be ready.

I got
caught by the host at pub trivia, who played the Pentatonic cover of
the dreary holiday classic in question between rounds. Ironically, I
had a near miss about an hour earlier when he played the Bowie/Crosby
1972 cover. After that one came and went, I breathed a sigh of
relief, since that version is specifically exempted under Rule 3b. Obviously, that was a bit presumptuous of me. Still, as Commissioner; I have to set an example.

Several
worthies have already gone out (and there's certainly no shame in that); at
least one from outside the US. The International “Little Drummer
Boy” Commission thanks them for making the competition all that it is
by taking part. And at least three friends remain in the running,
two of them back in the state of my birth (if not the state that I'm
from); good luck to you all. May the odds be ever in your favor.

I'll
join you back here at 12:01am, Friday, November 24, 2017, when next
year's games begin.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

The p3 over-under for the moment (assuming it didn't already happen and I missed it) when a congressional Republican, or a member of the Trump inner circle, or one of their spokespersons goes on TV and proclaims that deficits no longer matter (again): 11:00am Sunday, November 27th.
Tie-breaker: Whether the interviewer pushes back in any detectable way.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Tonight, in just two minutes at 12:01am Friday, November 25, 2016, begins what the Commissioner has somewhat arbitrarily declared the twentieth annual running of the "War on the Little Drummer Boy." You are invited to take part. No registration fee or peeing in little cups is required.

The rules are as follows:

1. The challenge begins at 12:01am local time on the day after Thanksgiving – this year that's today, November 27th. It ends at 12:01am local time on December 24th.

2. If you hear even a tiny snatch of TLDB at any time during that period, if it's recognizable as such, the game's over until next year. Thanks for playing.

3. There are two exceptions to Rule #2.

3a. The first exception is that if someone deliberately plays TLDB just to make you lose, it doesn't count (this, I'm sorry to say, is known as the My Sister Jane Exception).

4. Since the date of Thanksgiving floats, scoring is based on how many days remain until Christmas, not how many days have passed since Thanksgiving. So, e.g., December 15th from any year always beats December 14th from any year. (That's based on a 2013 ruling by the Commissioner.

(Note that Rule #4 will mean that this year has a slightly higher degree of difficulty, since Thanksgiving falls on one of the earliest calendar dates possible.)

Odds favor those who do not work in retail, and who do not drive around in cars with satellite radio tuned to all-Christmas channels.

Last year, for the first time in at least 15 years, meaning well before the sport went pro and appointed a league statistician and its first commissioner, I successfully made it to 12:01am December 24th without hearing "The Little Drummer Boy," which means I earned the equivalent of straight 10.0's from the judges.

The precise origins of The Annual "The Little Drummer Boy" Competition are shrouded in antiquity and legend, but many reputable historians of the sport believe it traces to this moment on December 18, 1963.

You can read more about my war with "The Little Drummer Boy." and relive highlights from previous seasons-- including the crucial importance of Rule 3b -- here.

If you played last winter, I hope you'll play again this season. If you're a beginner, I hope you'll join. Feel free to check in via the comments here, or at @nothstine, to let me know how you're going.

Nothstine is a writer, editor, political junkie, and renegade professor. Contact him here.

*Why p3?

"A good cause is often injured more by ill-timed efforts of its friends than by the arguments of its enemies. Persuasion, perseverance, and patience are the best advocates on questions depending on the will of others." -Thomas Jefferson (1826)