6.26.2018

Barely slept due to crazy storms last night + a 60lb, 12 y/o dog that's afriad of said storms and was basically laying on top of me (on the bright side, snuggles with Mav are a rare treat these days. So, no regrets.)

Didn't get into work early, like I had planned.

Didn't get as much done this morning as I had planned.

Six sets of design feedback, in three email threads and Dropbox comments. And designers waiting on me to go compile it all. No problem! [sarcasm]

Maverick pooped in my car on the way to the groomer's.

McDonald's milkshake machine was "broken" [eye roll]

McDonald's gave me honey mustard instead of honey (ugh!)

People skipping softball because "work is stressful"... Oh, really? No idea what's that like.

Thought the groomer's was open til 6pm. Nope, closing early today and had to leave work a second time to go pick him up.

Construction.

Rain.

Construction.

Rain.

The bright side of the rain is that maybe softball will be cancelled? Fingers crossed.

Surprise 6-hour meeting later this week. That won't mess up my schedule or give me anxiety at all.

Surprise 6-hour meeting was originally Wednesday. So I cancelled late breakfast/early lunch with dear friends from college. I was very upset about this. Now surprise 6-hour meeting is on Friday (ugh!) but I'm worried I'm too busy to be back on for lunch anyway.

LIFE MAN.

(And no, this doesn't account for other, more personal life matters that are equally as pressing and anxiety causing.)

(Yes, even more personal and pressing than my dog pooping in the back seat of my car.)

7.14.2017

I have a journal with weekly prompts/lists. A while back it asked about my hopes/dreams/plans for the future, and one of the things I wrote that I wanted was to fall in love again.

Lately, I've been thinking that I'd also like to fall out of love again. I know it seems crazy to hope for heartbreak -- especially knowing how grueling it was the last time. But (a.) if I'm heartbroken again it means I truly loved again. And even more than that, it takes all the power away from the first heartbreak.

Was listening to this episode of Why Oh Why and that's what got me thinking about the power that our great loves have over us -- our first loves, true loves, deep loves, long lost loves, forbidden loves, whatever they may be. That we continue to pine for loves that maybe, had they lasted, wouldn't have been so great after all.

“Is there really nothing in your life that can’t wait 30 minutes? Or are you curing cancer or something?”...

If you think about it, our attention is the only thing we truly own in our lives. Our possessions can go away. Our bodies can be compromised. Our relationships can fall apart. Even our memories and intellectual capacity fade away.
But the simple ability to choose what to focus on — that will always be ours.
Unfortunately, with today’s technology, our attention is being pulled in more directions than ever before, which makes this optioning of our own attention more difficult — and more important — than ever before...

I would say that our ability to focus and hone our attention on what we need is a core component of living a happy, healthy life. We’ve all had those days or weeks (or months or years) where we’ve felt scatterbrained — out of control of our own reality, constantly sucked down rabbit holes of pointless information and drama comprised of endless clicks and notifications...

It’s attention pollution when somebody else’s inability to focus or control themselves then interferes with the attention and focus of those around them... It’s why we get annoyed at dinner when someone starts texting in front of us. It’s why we get pissed off when someone pulls their phone out in a movie theater. It’s why we become irritated when someone is checking their email instead of watching the ballgame. Their inability to focus interferes with our (already-fragile) ability to focus. The same way second-hand smoke harms the lungs of people around the smoker, smartphones harm the attention and focus of people around the smartphone user...

I’ve noticed that as the years go on, it’s becoming harder for me to sit down and write an article like this than it was three or four years ago. And it’s not just that the amount of available distractions have compounded over the years, it’s that my ability to resist those distractions seems to have worn down to the point where I often don’t feel in control of my own attention anymore.
And this kind of freaks me out. It’s not that I resent the woman at the gym who can’t go 10 minutes without checking her messages. I resent that I am becoming that person at the gym who can’t go 10 minutes without checking his messages...

I’ve noticed friends who can no longer sit through entire movies (or even episodes of a TV show) without pulling out their phones multiple times in the middle of it. People who can’t make it through a meal without putting the phone next to their plate.

4.19.2017

As I was driving through Tower grove Park on my way home from softball "practice" last night [to be clear – we did not practice. We stood around drinking Busch for 2 hours.], I realized I was so happy. So content. So calm. So carefree.

How do I keep feeling that feeling?
How do I make that feeling into a living?

8.03.2016

Shit day(s) at work.
Messy house.
Weekend plans ruined.
Sad lunch.
Ripped the zipper on the dress I spent weeks picking out for this wedding moments after tearing the tag off of it.
Car is about to break down.
Lost my license.
Need to go to the bank, the DMV, the doctor, the dentist, the vet.
Tree in my front yard is falling down and landlord hasn't fixed it.
DVR is piling up.
Softball was cancelled.
No wedding date.
Bad dog mom.
Computer says it is out of space even though I have deleted literally every file off of it.In over my head. Send help.

5.01.2016

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.