A Lexicon of Social Justice

AbleismThe unfortunate biological reality that some people are bigger and stronger than others

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Abuse
Tweets

Ageism
The internalised misogyny of Mother Nature

Heterosexism
The awkward reality that most people aren’t gay. Can be remedied with the proper social conditioning

Critical theory
Horseshit

Death threats
Mean tweets

Dominant culture
The stuff people actually like. Not to be confused with taxpayer-funded lesbian performance art, which would surely break all Box Office records if only more people got to see it

Equality
Used to mean giving everyone a fair chance; now means enforcing 50-50 quotas in jobs women don’t want to do in order to punish men for being good at maths and physics

Feminism
Misandry masquerading as a fight against oppression and prejudice on the basis of sex; what unattractive men and women do to get attention

Gender
A word the general public doesn’t really understand. Used to defend feminists who prefer shot-putting to ballroom dancing and to pretend that this is normal and that they have every chance of some day finding a boyfriend

Glass ceiling
My career isn’t doing as well as I think it should be, because I’m an insufferable, hateful, jealous bore, and I am looking for someone to blame

Intersectionality
A debate strategy: when you’re losing an argument about feminism, call your opponent racist or, even more damningly, capitalist

LGBT
Gays and lezzers

LGBTIQQAA
Ugh, even we have no idea

Manslamming
I launched myself at an unsuspecting member of the public while yelling “SEE, PATRIARCHY!” and sadly he didn’t have time to dodge out of the way so we both went down

Mansplaining
See ‘misogyny’

Manspreading
What about my fucking handbag?

Marginalized
A writer insufficiently talented to attract attention on his or her own merits, forced to resort to identity politics

Microaggressions
Imaginary slights, to be conjured in the absence of genuine grievance

Misogyny
I am woman who got beaten by a man in an argument and I’m pissed

Oppression
I failed the interview

Patriarchy
A word to use when you don’t get your own way, however unreasonable your statements or demands. See also: “Waaaaaaaaaah!”, “IT’S NOT FAIR!”, “Dad, I hate you!”

Patreon
A monthly donation website; the internet equivalent of a begging bowl in the subway. Best utilised after an extensive press tour in which you complain about “threats” and “abuse” (q.v.) following your vital work (blog posts whining about structural heteropatriarchal capitalist oppression), whether or not you are able to provide evidence of said threats. (Journalists won’t care either way.) Gullible halfwits and men desperate for sex will donate money to you to prove they’re “not all like that” and in the hope of a hand job

Persecution
Someone commented on my blog post

Police report
What to say when you’re losing an argument to scare an interlocutor into silence

Prejudice
Some people have opinions that aren’t ours. These can be stamped out or silenced with enough grievance-mongering and intimidation on Twitter

Privilege
What white middle-class feminists have and their victims don’t

Problematic
I can probably spin a blog post out of this

Rape culture
Does not exist

Rape threats
Very mean tweets

Safe space
A blog with the comments turned off

Sex
Best avoided

Silenced
A feminist who has been disagreed with who is currently arranging television and radio interviews

Social justice
Bullying

System of oppression
More than one person disagreed with me on the internet

Transgender
A psychiatric disorder reimagined as a “civil rights issue” because we’ve literally run out of things to complain about

Triggered
How college students avoid homework

Wage gap
A useful bit of mythology, to be repeated at all times so no one notices that actually women under 30 earn more than men for the same work