How Not To Hire A Hitman

A few helpful hints:
1) Don't post on facebook that you want to hire a hitman
2) Save your pennies! $830 is apparently not enough to hire someone unless they have a day job - in this case, her ideal candidate worked at the FBI full-time.
3) Be specific about your target - a random person "preferably 14 years old or older" is rather vague.
4) Don't use the computer at your local library to arrange a "hit." Apparently they track those types of things.
5) There are more productive ways to move out of your parents house:

"She hoped to be arrested so she could call attention to her beliefs and to get out of the home she shared with her parents and brothers who eat meat and eggs and use fur, leather and wool, investigators said."

One of the funniest things people do what trying to hire a hit man is tell them how they should do the deed. Trust me a real professional assassin knows how to kill someone and get away with it. They don't need your hair brained ideas just how to do it and how avoid getting caught.

Actually unless your connected in the MOB, the best hit man (or hit person) is yourself. This is the easiest way not to get caught hiring an undercover police officer. You cut out the middle man and you get to put those well thought out ideas of how to do it and get away with it to the test.

Back in 1987, I was a writing teacher. My wife, Kate Mulgrew, stole my book and put her name on it. She became a big celebrity, appearing on Oprah, where she referred to me as "a beast".

I met this guy Owen, who lived with an abusive Neanderthal mother and has visions of poisoning her, sticking a scissors in her head - you name it. Well, Owen got a clever idea after seeing "Strangers on a Train" by Alfred Hitchcock. He went to Honolulu where my wife was and while she's leaning over a boat railing trying to get an earring, Owen stands behind her and creeps up and pushes her overboard.

Soon the police are looking for me for questioning. Having not been anywhere in Honolulu, I was quickly removed as a suspect, but Owen wasn't done with me. He came to me and demanded that I live up to my end of a bargain that I had no idea I made. You see, Owen had killed my wife. In exchange, he expected me to throw his momma from the train. It was the perfect crime because neither of us had motive in the other's case.