Thursday, May 11, 2017

Making Marriage Last

I have been asked what is the key to making a marriage last? I don't have all the answers...but I have been married for almost 17 years and have seen how the Lord has admonished me and grew my husband and I closer and closer over the years. We have had ups and downs through the earlier years...but oh, how the Lord has worked in us! Marriage can truly be a *beautiful* thing!!

First and foremost it is vital to have a relationship built upon the rock of Christ. We should seek to glorify the Lord in *all* we do.,, being selfless and growing in holiness constantly. We, as women, cannot control our husbands. Even if your husband isn't glorifying the Lord...you must. Do the right thing even if he doesn't and *pray* for your husband constantly! The Lord is faithful and hears your prayers! Of course, having a Godly husband is ideal...but sometimes that isn't the case (sometimes two unbelievers wed and then the wife is saved...but her husband is not etc.)

Our job is to be "submissive in all things". Yes...you read that correctly. Submission in all things (unless it goes directly against the Word of God or in cases of abuse...seek help from your church or family!).

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior.Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

~Ephesians 5:22-24

Submission isn't always easy (especially for those of us who like to control things)...but quite necessary for a happy, thriving, Godly marriage! These days, Christian women are often not reminded of this requirement of marriage (and some women try to weasel out of this verse by making a bunch of exceptions to it). This is what the Lord has instructed! If we want a joy-filled, Christ-honoring marriage, we must be obedient! This doesn't mean we hover in a corner and don't speak...timid and scared. This *does* mean that we can usually have input (if you have married a Godly man as I have ~ they will often come to us for our opinion!), however the husband gets the final say. He's the boss. That doesn't make us less important or insignificant. It actually takes the pressure *off* of us! He has to be responsible for all the decisions that affect his family. That's some serious pressure. This is where we come in wives! We are designed to be *helpers*! What a gift to be a helper for our husband. We should strive to be the best helpmeets we can be! What can make his life easier? How can we ease his burdens?

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

~Philippians 2:3-4

How can we selflessly serve our husband as Christ did for us?

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

~Philippians 2:5-8

It can be terribly difficult to watch your husband make a decision you seriously disagree with. But you must be submissive and trust that God is absolutely sovereign. Find your complete rest in Him! Don't go to friends and family and complain about your husband or speak badly about him. Pray about it and seek Godly counsel from an older, wiser woman in your church if you need it. Whatever you do...don't nag!

...a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

~Proverbs 19:13b

Some resources I can share with you to encourage (and admonish) you are some great ones that have helped me. I am so very far from perfect but I have seen how being a submissive wife can make my marriage even better than I thought it could be! We don't argue or get angry with each other (as we could from time to time in our earlier years of marriage when I was quite selfish).

First ~ I definitely want to tell you to be in God's Word daily...yes, daily! If you have time to watch a TV show or to talk on the phone (or read my blog)

...then you have time to read Scripture! Read...even just a chapter a day...and get to know the Jesus we love more and more. Learn to live in holiness and a life that glorifies Him! Also...look up verses on husbands and wives and focus on how you are to treat your husband. Find verses on selflessness and servant-hood. Not only will it improve your marriage...but will shine the light of Christ as you selflessly serve others around you! :o)

I also encourage you to read "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace and "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl. Pearl's book is a bit rough....it is raw and full of hardcore truth....straight forward with no excuses....but it is worth the read. Humble yourself and be open to change....to better yourself in light of God's Truth to be more Christ-like and to honor and serve your husband! "The Excellent Wife" is one of my favorite books...gentle but full of truth. It hands out the truth to women but in an encouraging way rather than the more brutal way Pearl's book does. But I truly believe BOTH books to be edifying and important for women to read (more than once!).

The last resource I want to share is a blog! It used to be Always Learning...but it is now called The Transformed Wife by Lori Alexander. There are great articles at both sites! Read through them from time to time! They are of great encouragement (and full of truth that we women need to hear)! The truth is spoken plainly there...but it is done in love. A women seeking to train up young women and to share God's truth! :)

Here are some posts I have written previously about marriage that you may enjoy (they include links to other books and posts I have found helpful):

13 comments:

Hi Katy!My husband and I are both christians also and we've been married for almost 20 years.When we got married, I was 19 and he was 21.We used to argue sometimes, because I was selfish and didn't realize the effort he made every day at work.We are renovating our house and sometimes, things don't go as fast as I wished and I always ask God to remind me that my husband is doing is best every day.I love to read your blog and hope that God continues to use you!:)

Marriage is wonderful! We have been married nearly 30 years,with ups and downs like everyone. Would not trade it for anything. Please be careful with Pearls materials, they are sick and cultic. Mr. Pearl is an abuser-if you really read the account of their wedding night poor Debi was repeatedly raped and he did not care one iota for her comfort. Later on, he did not even care enough to provide proper food for his family, the girls even share an account of eating canned cat food at times.

If the Lord lets us, we will have our 39th anniversary on June 9th. We have always had struggles up and down, good and bad, but we have been blessed to continue to love each other, and respect each other. We do pray together and for each other. We are far from perfect, but I honestly think just making an effort on each other's behalf, not just on our own has helped keep us together.But if there be any glory in what we have, it is the Lords.Only because of Him.

I have seen what you share make a strong and great marriage. Not perfect but strong. I can say this because it is my own marriage. I read Pearl's book and yes it is very harsh and raw but I did take away some nuggets that have stuck with me to this day. I haven't read the other book you suggested. I love Lori's blog.

Thankyou for a wonderful post. I have been married 30 + years, with good times and bad like everyone else that seems too have commented, but the Lord is very patient and faithful with us all - amen ! I also read 'The Excellent Wife' and repented many times as I read. It was a timely read for me, which I am very grateful for. As a young christian wife I was more influenced by my culture and by 'feminism', which I didn't realise at the time. God has done a great work in my heart and teaches me everyday about what it truly means to be a woman of God. I am still learning and forever grateful. Blessings to you - Linda

I also agree with all the resources you have shared. In my first few years of marriage I did not understand what a good marriage could be like! But I wanted to learn and so God gave me my first book on biblical marriage and it was called On The Other Side Of The Garden, By Virginia Fugate! A Good marriage takes work and a commitment!I good dose of wisdom and tough truth is better than being divorced and living alone. But my heart does go out to those that have been hurt by divorce and sin.Roxy

This confuses me a bit. My husband and I are equals and share in all of the decision making. I respect him and he respects me. We have shared values so that helps, but if I disagree with something our vise versa, we let each other know and work it, usually in full view of our three children who get to see what it means to respectfully disagree, discuss something, and meet in the middle if possible. Fighting isn't necessary in my opinion. I've been married for 14 years and I think my husband would be sad and disappointed if I became submissive, as you call it. He loves who I am and the thoughts I think and the opinions I hold. I guess I just don't get the black and white nature of this Christianity stuff. But I do love reading about your kids and seeing photos of your home, esp as a fellow Western Pa mom!

My husband and I respect each other and we definitely discuss issues...but Chris always has the final say in the matter. He always holds my opinions to a high standard and often even asks me my thoughts on issues...but ultimately, God made the man the head of the household. :O)

Others Have Enjoyed...

He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young.~Isaiah 40:11

"The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest. "~ Thomas Moore

"Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality."~ Beatrix Potter

"The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. "~ C.S. Lewis"The secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life, and in elevating them to art."~William Morris

"I have no faith in that woman who talks of grace and glory abroad, and uses no soap and water at home. Let the buttons be on the shirts, let the children's socks be mended, let the roast mutton be done to a turn, let the house be as neat as a new pin, and the home be as happy as home can be."