I almost died when I read that this story was dedicated to me. That's the sweetest, most awesome thing anyone has ever done for me! :)

I loved the story. Crys is such a strong person, it was tough seeing how vulnerable she had become. Aww, Gold at the end...just...*squeel*! I'm such a fangirl for shipping xD

I may not have any stories for MangaQuest uploaded yet, but they are also one of my favorites :D I love the shipping choice, they fit the story better. I can't imagine Ruby and Sapph(xD) or even Red and Yellow! _

Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it." And the same punctuation and capitalization applies to thoughts.

[Crystal lets her blue bangs cover her eyes, hoping that Yellow couldn't see her futile attempt to hide her tears.]

A lot of your sentences are a mess. How can she be hoping Yellow won't see when it's already a "futile" attempt, and why would she be hoping Yellow couldn't see the attempt instead of the tears?

The sotry is really sweet, and it twisted my heart, man. But it's cool, because you got them into chracter and I didn't see any mistakes - WOw, when I write, I always usually make mistakes! And that note to your friend was real sweet, too. I think I'm going to have cavities. :D