Nonviolent Communication Family Coaching & Parent Education

The Truth About Mommy Guilt

Guilt is our second skin. For as long as we will continue living and breathing this world’s common perceptions, guilt will follow us like a shadow. And Mommy Guilt is the hardest kind. But what if there was a way, a proven way, to challenge that perception and overcome Mommy Guilt? Accept my invitation, if it suits you, to learn something new today.

Oh, guilt. That thing (is it a feeling? Is it a faux feeling? Is it a thought?) that we will carry around with us, wherever we’ll go, for as long as we shall live. Guilt for what we had done, guilt for what we haven’t, guilt for thoughts we had, guilt for the thoughts we hadn’t. Guilt for what we said, guilt for the words we couldn’t utter. Guilt for too much, and guilt for too little. Guilt. So much guilt. So much mommy guilt.

Do you know what I am talking about? Can you feel it?

Guilt is the Invention of Human Beings

The truth is that guilt is a human invention – does this sound weird? I bet it does. Living in a world where we are constantly told we are wrong, when we are constantly blamed for the feelings of others, for consequences and results we had rather little to do with, we start believing. We start believing that we are the reason people feel certain feelings, we start believing that other people are the reason we feel certain feelings. And so we suffer the circle of guilt and we feed it – at the same time.

Guilt is Only Applied to Human Beings

The other truth is, that guilt doesn’t exist, but in the brains of human beings.

When a tree is taller than another tree, it is not afraid to overshadow its shorter companion. Nor does the shorter tree feel bad for not being as tall, or at least taller. A sea doesn’t feel bad for not being as deep as another. A cloud doesn’t regret raining, or not raining. You might think now “well, that’s stupid; seas, trees, and clouds don’t have feelings!”. This claim might or might not be true, but it is not the real challenge on our perception. The real challenge is to fathom that we only FEEL concepts of “too much” and “too little” when they have to do with us, human beings. These concepts don’t apply to anything but humanity – and if they do – it is never their fault.

Guilt is the Possession of Human Beings

As we let everything else live, as we let everything else be, for what it is, we are not granting ourselves with the same compassion. We are TAUGHT to compare. We are TAUGHT to fight. We are TAUGHT that weak and strong MATTER – because this is the only tool in service of the social structure.

A mother wolf who only managed to hunt a portion of what her cubs require to thrive doesn’t feel guilty for not being a good enough mother. She can be sad for her little ones’ hunger, she can be tired, and in pain. But in no way could she have done anything differently, or “better” – she did only what she could. And she will soon leave on another hunt, because that’s what she needs to do. And on that hunt she will carry her hopes, and her love, her perseverance, and her devotion. Just like she always does. And on that hunt she will do the best she can, just like she always does. And if that won’t be (factually) enough – she will go again. And again.

And she will carry no mommy guilt. Because she can’t do more than she can do.

Guilt is Force

It isn’t a power, it cannot empower. Guilt is a force that keeps humanity broken. Guilt is a force that keeps us disconnected. Guilt is a force that prevents us from being who we can be. Guilt holds us hostages in our past, preventing us from FEELING the present, holding us from bettering the future.

Can we Overcome Mommy Guilt?

I’ll share a secret with you, in a single hope it won’t be a secret anymore, and that you’ll share it to. A Huge, untold secret that, if spread around this world, will allow us to overcome guilt:

Everything we do is the best we can do. In that given moment. We can’t, ever, do more than we can do. We couldn’t, ever, do better than we did.

Life lessons are learned in hindsight, yet compassion is the power allowing us to learn. There’s no learning with guilt, because when we’re guilty, we’re not good enough. And if we’re not good enough now, and if we haven’t been good enough until now, we probably won’t, ever, be good enough. Can you feel the pain in these words?

Yes, You Can Overcome Mommy Guilt

Accept my invitation, only if it suits you, to see yourself in a different light. To accept that if you could have done “better” – you would have. And if you didn’t – you couldn’t.

Grow from compassion, from acceptance. This is the only motivating power that can actually lead to change.

Join my Facebook group here, or do something even “better” for yourself and sign up for coaching below. You CAN exit this social structure; you can raise your children outside of this social structure. YOU CAN EMPOWER. You can lead a life of empowerment. You CAN raise empowered children.

Hi there! Welcome to my home 🙂 I am a mom, a parent educator, a Nonviolent Communication specialist, and attachment parenting advocate. I help children (and their parents) reconnect and find the joy of family life.