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Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

By Jon Pressick

Editor's Note: Here is another in our series of articles profiling prominent bisexual people— people who are bisexual and out and have left their mark on the world.

Few bisexual people are as out, active and prominent as Robyn Ochs. She has, and continues to do it all. A lecturer, advocate, author/editor and rabblerouser, Robyn and her partner Peg Preble married on May 17, 2004—the first day it was legal for same-sex couples to do so in Massachussetts, USA. She travels the country lecturing on a wide range of topics, many of which deal with bisexuality. Her writings have appeared in many publications, and she is the editor of the new book, Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World. And she does so much more than these as well!

Tell us about your latest book Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World.Getting Bi is an anthology of short personal writings by people in 32 different countries on six continents. Authors range in age from 15-79. Some are professional writers, and some have never before even written a letter to the editor. Bi Any Other Name (1991), the first major anthology on bisexuality, is sometimes jokingly referred to as “the Bi-ble.” To extend this analogy, Getting Bi (2005) could be considered the New Testament. Some of Getting Bi’s authors were also in Bi Any Other Name—including, editors Lani Ka’ahumanu, Loraine Hutchins, and Carol Queen, Rifka Reichler, BobBi Keppel, Amanda Udis-Kessler, and myself. The vast majority, though, are new-bis. Sarah Rowley and I co-edited this anthology, and all proceeds from book sales benefit the Bisexual Resource Center.

Can you please give a brief description of the Bisexual Resource Center, how it started, your role currently, etc.The Bisexual Resource Center was founded in 1985 primarily to provide a fiscal home to the annual bi conferences we were sponsoring up and down the East Coast. We’ve evolved to the point where we have an office, provide resources (brochures, referrals, Getting Bi) all over the world, and we also serve as a home to various Boston-based bi groups, including the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network, Biversity Boston, and various coming out groups and married women’s and men’s groups. The one thing we do not have is paid staff. All of the work of our organization is done by volunteers.

What is the greatest challenge for bisexual people today?
We silly humans keep on trying to squeeze everything into binaries, and we are profoundly uncomfortable with things that challenge simple either/or categories. So part of the discomfort and resistance to understanding/seeing bisexuality is about binaries, and is not really about bisexuality per se, because we’re also uncomfortable with people who identify as bi- or multiracial, and with people who don’t identify simply as male or female, and so on. Adding to this, the United States is in perpetual sex panic, and anything that conjures up images of sex or sexuality is simultaneously embraced and resisted. But in short, I think our biggest challenge is to make ourselves visible as bi-identified people. Because people are so busy fortifying binaries, bisexuals are simply not seen.

The marriage debate 'seems' to have been spearheaded mostly by gay and lesbian couples. What role do you see bi people having in this issue?
This is where language becomes important. If I am a woman married to another woman (and I am!) am I one of those lesbian couples that are spearheading the marriage equality movement? The reality is that many people in same-sex relationships identify as bi. We’ve always been part of the marriage equality movement, though we often go unseen as bisexuals. Here at MassEquality in Boston, the staff, board and volunteers include lesbian, gay, bi and straight people. I think that every person—of every sexual orientation and of every relationship choice—should see this as a movement that is about so much more than marriage—it’s about equal citizenship. For me it’s about being pro-choice: I know that not everyone is interested in getting married, but each of us deserves the right to have that choice for our self.

Do you think bi people are perceived as apathetic to the issue because they can always "switch back?"
Most people are apathetic. Most LGBT people are not—I’m sad to say—involved in fighting for their own rights. They’re too busy raising children, taking care of their elderly parents, dealing with their own work, health or family issues, watching sports and other brain candy on the idiot box, partying – just like most straight people.

In addition, those in the LGBT community who are closeted and/or have a great deal of internalized homophobia are likely not doing their share of activism.

Interestingly some of the fiercest advocates for LGBT rights are bi folks who are currently in other-sex relationships. One gift that bi people have (whether or not we use it) is that we have first-hand experience that a relationship is a relationship is a relationship, and that it’s silly to sort them or rank them by sex.

What topics are you currently teaching, and what topics do you most frequently cover in your speaking engagements?
My workshops and talks are wide-ranging. Two of my favorite programs these days are: “I Now Pronounce You … Equal,” a talk about marriage equality; and “Crossing Lines: Identity and the Sexuality Spectrum,” an interactive workshop that reframes our understanding of sexual orientation and labels and encourages us to appreciate the wonderful complexity of human experience. There are two pages of talks and workshops on my website.

In my experience, and I've noted this from others, organizing bisexual people into a 'community' is a challenge, to say the least. Do you have tips for those who would like to become more active?
Organizing bisexuals is challenging because we are all so different. We come in all ages, all classes, all ethnicities, and we cover the political spectrum. That can make us really hard to organize. But it can also make for some interesting discussions when we do come together. For someone wanting to become more active, I would recommend getting as quickly as possible to the nearest and next bi conference. Transcending Boundaries will be held in Worcester MA in mid-September of next year. The 10th International Conference on Bisexuality will be held at the University of Rhode Island in July of 2008. There are regular events in the UK and in other locations. And if you can’t get to one of those, get to an annual LGBT campus conference such as the Midwest LGBT Campus Conference which will be at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign in 2008 and at Indiana University in 2009; or to Creating Change, the conference of the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force; or to the conference of the International Lesbian and Gay Association. They are all amazing experiences.

Finally, if you can’t get to one of the conferences (or even if you can) get onto the Bi Activists’ email list, or the Bi Writers list, or the BiNet USA list. There’s a lot of activism and community building in cyberspace.

Do you see a difference between bi womens' and bi mens' activism?
Historically, bi women’s activism comes directly from feminism and the women’s movement. I think that distinction has blurred over the years though, as bi male activists (not to be confused with all bi men) have become more feminist, and the bi and trans activist movements have become increasingly connected.

How do you think bi folks are perceived, in 2007, by the straight community?
Mostly, we’re not perceived at all. When we are, we’re perceived as evil male vectors of AIDS from the [guilty] gay community to the [innocent] straight community, as closeted men on the down low, as teenage girls who make out with their female friends to get attention. Some things haven’t changed much….

How do you think bi folks are perceived, in 2007, by the queer community?
Here there’s been significant improvement. But we still have a long way to go. We’re still largely invisible.

What would your utopia be?
I want to live in a world where safety is not equated with sameness, where difference is seen as something that makes the world richer and more interesting. I want to live in a world where – as the old button said “Our schools have all the money they need, and the military has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.” I want to live in a world in which we practice sustainability, where we care for each other and for our very fragile planet.

Please tell us about yourself! What are your personal interests, hobbies... we'd love to know more about you!
When I’m not out there traveling around the country being a poster bisexual, I’m engaged in marriage equality work, or doing neighborhood organizing, or animal rescue, or writing letters to editors or to my elected representatives. Or I’m partner dancing— I’m a big two-stepper and swing dancer and Boston has a great LGBT dance scene! Or I’m hanging out with the special children in my life (Gabe 5, and Lewis, 2 who live next door; and Leah, 11, who lives down the street). I’m an avid reader, especially of fiction. I love reading novels that are set in other countries and cultures. I find it a great way to learn about experiences that are different from my own. Peg and I live in a very gay-friendly neighborhood of Boston with three cats and a garden, and we’re good friends with several neighbors. I love being an activist. Life is good. And I still have a great deal to do, and a lot to learn.

About the photos...
1. Robyn & Peg walking from the court house back to Brookline Town Hall to get married (credit Laurie Swope)
2. Robyn & Peg outside Brookline Town Hall on their wedding day, May 17, 2004 (credit Tufts Daily)
Robyn is carrying the flowers.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

Robyn, that was a great article! I live in the Buckle of the Bible Belt with my wife and son, and MA is a fur piece from here. I will get in contact with soem of the groups you mentioned....now that I have crawled out of the bourbon bottle, and really have nothing to do besides go to the gym, play bass guitar and drums, and think up goofy shit to do in between songs onstage, I think I will spend some time writing goofy shit for those groups. One thing I really HATE is when I think up something funny and original, then find out somebody has done it before.
I wish we had recorded the gig we did at the Paradise Buffet (Country buffet for elderly country fans and intellectual gimps of all stripes). I got us the gig under the name "The Good Ole Boys", and we introduced ourselves as the "Good Ole Blues Brothers Boys band", and opened with a couple Blues Brothers numbers....no horn section, though. Some of the people actually dug our act. This one lady who was pretty obviously bi/lez was flirting with our guitar player, but Phoebe (guitar) is str8. They even asked us to come back, much to our suprise.
Thanks! I needed that!
-Roger (formerly Stuporman)

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

yes, I love it, a bi activist that is recognizing that we are all different under the bisexual umbrella

that has to be one of the best articles that I have seen as its open and honest
the writer is a person that understands that bisexuality is not just about being bisexual, its about our needs, wants and desires that are not simply sexual

the right to be married.... she speaks it out as equal citizenship..... beautiful wording.... it places us all as equals..... it doesn't mean we want to get married, but we want the rights that is shared by people that are born and live under the heterosexual umbrella... rights that are afforded to any person, unless they don't fit the right sexual orientation......

I do disagree on some aspects tho..... the idea that most bisexuals are not fighting for their rights, cos they are closeted or have internalized homophobia...... there is a 3rd aspect..... they don't fight for something that doesn't affect them in any way, or serves no purpose
however, regardless of what law changes are made, you can never change personal biased....

the issue with lumping LGBT rights together, is that you have different groups fighting for different rights...and while it is good to have group support for each area and a greater voice.... I will ask again.... what the hell are bisexual rights ???
I do not require special needs, I am not marriage impaired ( in nz, we have same sex marriages ), I have full access to health care... and if the public doesn't think I exist....

in New Zealand, its illegal to discriminate on the grounds of sexual orientation, age, race or gender... yet we have activists are still fighting for bisexual rights.....the right to make people *point us out in a crowd and say " that person is bisexual " *......thats something I don't need or want and many of the bisexual community in nz, don't want it either.....
my opinion on actions like that, is how the hell can we be seen as a equal nation when we insist on having the * walls * between each group

* sighs*.... but again... beautiful article, very well written.... hugs drew and jon.... please continue to provide articles of that calibre, it makes being a bisexual suddenly seem like more than just a bed partner.....

The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

This is one of the best articles to have appeared on the site--what this person, featured in the article, is doing is just great.

I probably should be doing some of the things she is but just haven't gotten there yet--and to be honest--since I've got some things going on in my life--like working on my book and getting my decorative painting biz up and running--right now I don't have the time and energy to do what she is doing.

To Long Duck--as much freedom as we are supposed to have here in America--we are still rather restricted in regards to sexual orientation and such because your employer is free to fire you if they find out you are gay, bi or whatever that is not straight, if you don't work for company or in a government job that provides health care--you are shit out of luck bud---if not for having been a military veteran--I would not have any health care at all---

Robyn's statement that she would like to live in a world where "the Pentagon has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber" is a sentiment I agree with.

As I think I have said in other posts on here lately--it seems that there is no problem for our Congress to fund new bombers, fighter aircraft, tanks, etc to the tune of many billions of dollars with not a peep of dissent or much discussion--but try to get say --a hundred million to fund some health care or educational program and you have the politicians crying about "what, do you think we are made of money?" or some such comments.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

hugs ya 12 voltman

I understand that things are so different in the us..its really a eye opener for me at times, how the * land of the free * is more like * slaves to political games *

in nz, the political system is mainly 122 politicians lying to the nz public of about 4.1 million....and public opinion controls most election results.... but the politicians are well known for breaking the election promises the moment they get in

we have a thing called the hero parade in auckland....its a mainly gay and lesbian event but does feature bi and trans people..... the mayor of auckland refused to allow permission for it on the grounds that it was not suitable as a * image * of auckland..... once his job was at risk, he changed his mind...he is a known homophobic person... so the 2007 parade went ahead.... and instead, he booked a different concert for the same weekend in 2008.....then denied the hero parade trust permission on the grounds of traffic control and disrupt to the inner city

just goes to show that even with the law on the sides of the LGBT community.... biased people will always find a way to try and put the LGBT community down

The only thing more painful than a broken heart, is catching yourself in your zip and having very cold hands

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

What an incredible article...one of the best i have ever read on this site

can u add the link to get on the bi activist list, the bi writers list and the biNet ASA list.....cause i so want to participate on all of these sites

hey Long Duck Dong....I am also from New Zealand....and god forbid anyone in this country discriminates against any one based on sexual orientation......LOL....here in good old New Zealand..... that is practically a crime.......

To Robyn....God u almost encourage me to move to Boston......cause life there as a self identified bi sexual sounds awesome

I am engaged in New Zealand as a University lecturer who teaches sexuality as a part of her course.....and this discussion so gets me on my soap box......LOL....it is so nice to hear of others world wide who are openly out as bisexual.........and educating others.....

I am sick of the bisexual community being soooooooooo invisable

On a really superb note....Our new generation of teenagers almost refuse to identify as fitting into any box in regards to sexuality....On a recent research mission almost half of the students I Interviewed....ages 14 to 18 identified themselves as bisexual......

I was sooooooo born into the wrong generation......

Keep up the awesome work Robyn......Your mission warms my heart....Soo nice to read about someone doing the same kind of education of their society....keeps me going.....

robin ochs

hi and bi,my plan is to marry many,that is cause I love u all.to only marry a woman sounds gay,once again fitting into society's catagory,robin should of married both at the same time,if that is where her love goes,I abhore all forms of segregation,peace to all danndylion

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

I kind of agree with Dandylion...u cant marry one gender and call yourself bisexual. At the same time i disagree with Dandylion..i dont see the need for marriage. and u cant marry everyone... lol ....but you can enjoy them with out flaunting it and live happily... (whats wrong with that)?

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

I married one gender and I'm thought of myself as bisexual for 29 years. Getting married didn't suddenly turn an on/off switch in me about same-sex attraction. I still go to various events and socialize around men who quite well remind me that, yep, I'm bi!

After all, bisexuals are no different than others when it comes to the various kinds of relationship status that exist.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

Originally Posted by moonshine30

I kind of agree with Dandylion...u cant marry one gender and call yourself bisexual.

A bisexual person can most CERTAINLY marry!

Bisexual means you are sexually attracted to either or both sexes. If you choose to be monogamous with ONE specific gender, it does not stop you from being bisexual, it just means you are in a monogamous relationship.

Just like a non-bisexual may stray from their marriage, so might a bisexual .. the only difference is that the bisexual may stray with either a male or a female.

Do not EVER confuse bisexuality with polyamory.

There once was a man who claimed that nothing was true. He was later found to be lying.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

My spouse went to the library and picked up her book Getting Bi
for me last fall.

He totally surprised me with it when he found out I had missed
a local book review night and was dissapointed.

It was so amazing to read a full spectrum of bi-voices,
and understand myself as part of this diversity.

What is wonderful, too, is knowing that my spouse is secure and supportive enough to go to call the library, ask for the book, and cycle across town to get it.... He said he had to repeat and spell out the title a few times

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

HI Out There......Great interview with Robyn! I'm 81 years on Earth now and have done many things besides beget children..!!....I find men more fun in bed than women for who cares what reasons now.
But i"m also a mathematical statistician and read the Kinsey Reports table by table because I can read the tables faster than the written text...(many years practice).The US Public was shocked that 40 percent of men (2 out of 5 men!!!) had homosexual masturbation fantasies OR MORE....If they had found a little table way in the back, they would have discovered that by age of 45, 25 percent of men had had a homosexual "affair" for THREE YEARS OR MORE. US Census reports tha 95 percent of men were married.....Those with Homosexual manifestations were actually hetero-married and ...guess what? THEY were BIsexual.
The conclusion I wanted to point out is that THERE ARE MORE OF US THAN THERE ARE OF THEM !!!! Numbers are my game and so I do it that way.
Also ,, a few years ago Pornography was SEVENTY percent of the internet $$$$$. That is a lot of a lot of and a lot......My understanding is that Internt Porn is ADULT SEX EDUCATION.
At 81 the world begins to be amusing...even Iraq........
Thanks for reading my blrb or blog or whatchacallit. Crazy Owl

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

Thank you for sharing crazy owl.

It is comforting in a way to consider we outnumber the other folks. In another way it is not. As the author interviewed points out we remain largely invisible to them.

They also suggest being active in breaking down the wall of invisibility. Such a proposition is a devilish one at best. Something beautiful is something free and those in power do not oft abide freedom.

At the same time I do not advocate cowering to ignorant folks. That I think is the real issue, ignorance. People fear what is not within their experience because it just may take something away from them.

Fear leads to hatred and eventually you've got powder kegs awaiting the most subtle of sparks. Ideally we all would follow Hugo's suggestion and follow the religion of tolerance. But I think everyone is aware perfection needs imperfection and so the world is left imperfect.

Perhaps, our invisibility is meant to be. I for one am happy to live and let live. It would be nice to aspire to the ideal, possibly attain it. But once there what more would be sought?

It is indeed something I often think about and deeply. There is a need to reflect on it. And I'm happy to see all the light coming forward. It's about time.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

The Robyn Ochs material is interesting and I am glad I got to see it, but, isn't time to change the linens? How long do we have to wait for Clean Sheet Night? Are there any other read-worthy thinkers/feelers out there whom we should get to know?

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

I doubt that we are going to ever get this part of the site updated--and for good reason I am sorry to say--for those who recall--due to some nasty comments that got posted up regarding one thread in this section--it lead to the resignation of the editor for this board that Drew had hired for this purpose--I had also volunteered to do a story for this part but never heard anything back--I am sure that Drew and company felt that they made a good faith effort to put this part up but it didn't work out.

As Tradeqt-the editor of the site noted---it is kind of hard to ask people to do an interview--post up their story only to have some--not all of course-some people make comments that cross a line----it is one thing to have people make comments saying that they don't agree with aspects of what the person said and things of that nature as long as those criticisms are in the bounds of merely making such comment--what did tend to happen in some cases----some posters personally attacked the interview subject on crazy things like they were "fat and ugly"--things of that sort---not exactly very adult of those who did---

When you interview someone---especially on topics so personal as matters of a sexual nature----I am sure that such a person out there doing what they do---are more than capable of handling crazy things from people who hate those who are different--but to get stupid slams from those who are supposed to be in the same "community" and such----that is just not cool.

I would find it hard to interview someone and post up the piece on the site for that reason, I am sorry to say-----I would have to disclose to the interview subject beforehand that they might get such ignorant sorts of comments and discussion-and only if they were fine with that-would I proceed.

As far as getting new content in this section is concerned--I would say--it is very clear that is not going to happen since it's been over a year now since any new content has been posted.

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

Originally Posted by 12voltman59

I doubt that we are going to ever get this part of the site updated--and for good reason I am sorry to say--for those who recall--due to some nasty comments that got posted up regarding one thread in this section--it lead to the resignation of the editor for this board that Drew had hired for this purpose--I had also volunteered to do a story for this part but never heard anything back--I am sure that Drew and company felt that they made a good faith effort to put this part up but it didn't work out.

As Tradeqt-the editor of the site noted---it is kind of hard to ask people to do an interview--post up their story only to have some--not all of course-some people make comments that cross a line----it is one thing to have people make comments saying that they don't agree with aspects of what the person said and things of that nature as long as those criticisms are in the bounds of merely making such comment--what did tend to happen in some cases----some posters personally attacked the interview subject on crazy things like they were "fat and ugly"--things of that sort---not exactly very adult of those who did---

When you interview someone---especially on topics so personal as matters of a sexual nature----I am sure that such a person out there doing what they do---are more than capable of handling crazy things from people who hate those who are different--but to get stupid slams from those who are supposed to be in the same "community" and such----that is just not cool.

I would find it hard to interview someone and post up the piece on the site for that reason, I am sorry to say-----I would have to disclose to the interview subject beforehand that they might get such ignorant sorts of comments and discussion-and only if they were fine with that-would I proceed.

As far as getting new content in this section is concerned--I would say--it is very clear that is not going to happen since it's been over a year now since any new content has been posted.

OK, I'll be the first to admit - this article posting was well before I joined this site - however based on 12volts comments. I have a couple of questions/observations... Obviously the moronic, nasty posts have been removed because I don't see them and maybe I'm missing something here - but --- Are we sure that such negativity and nastiness wasn't from one of our infamous trolls? If not, there is the other observation - authors and those who sit for interviews are no less a target for potential disagreements, negativity, hatred and anger than those of us who post our comments on here daily. In fact - I would think that they are more of a target. Someone who is out there making a difference and sits for an interview knows that he/she may face some ridicule - they have to have the same thick skin that we all do -- or do as I do with the trolls - rebut the comments and give your side or an explantion. It saddens me to think that an editor would resign and Drew is no longer going to post great articles and interviews from some of our activists based upon someones nasty comments. This is yet again letting a few asshles control/ruin it for the masses and frankly I am sick of that happening. Again, It was before my time and I don't know the whole story or the level of the hatred and nastiness that transpired. Maybe we should all just move on and maybe try again??? I know that personally I would love new articles and interviews. I love Robyn Ochs - but I am tired of looking at that stagnant section! Just my LW

Re: Unstoppable and Always Learning: Robyn Ochs

Originally Posted by HoTmAmA87

21 f ohio im looking for good time im bi looking for girl but guys feel free to message as well

Posting Rules:
Generally I am not a "rules person", but experience with various internet communities has taught me that rules are necessary, even on a site that is all about about sexual freedom such as Bisexual.com. So here they are:1. Don't post your personal ad here. They just clutter up the forums. By far the best thing to do if you are looking to meet people is create a quality personal ad under your "My Account" control panel. These ads then show up highlighted to people in your area. 2. Be polite - flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person.
3. Sexual freedom is what it's all about, but even it should have limits - discussions of non-consensual sex, violence and sex, or sex involving children are not welcome here, will be promptly deleted, and the poster may be banned.
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