Rejection Types

6/07/2011
The Charmer
5 Comments

I've been thinking a lot about rejection lately.

Actually, I've been specifically thinking about how people respond to rejection. It's gotten to that point where most of the guys who were actively pursuing me have realized that I'm just not interested in more than friendship with them. And now it's quite interesting to see how they respond.

I've noticed certain trends amongst guys, and I think that most of them have a "rejection type," which is just a characteristic way they deal with breakups, rejection, and trying to get over girls who aren't interested in return. Here are some of the most common types I've observed:

The AvoiderI personally deal with this type the most. Maybe he's your ex, maybe he's the guy you had to have the "Look, you're a great guy but I'm just not interested in continuing to go on dates with you" talk, or maybe he was an interested suitor who you ultimately rejected when you started dating someone else. It doesn't matter who he is, but once he gets the memo that he can't win you over, he's gone. He stops calling. The random "Hey, how are you" texts stop coming. He mysteriously disappears off of your Facebook friends list, and every time you run into him, he has somewhere else he needs to be right then. And sure, I know how the old saying goes-- Out of sight, out of mind. The Avoider's strategy seems to be that if he avoids you, he'll get over you. It seems to work eventually. But in the mean time, it just creates a lot of awkward moments every time the two of you have an encounter...which can be quite often if he happens to be in your ward.

The Vindictive OneThis is the guy who gets angry when you don't choose him. He knows that he's a great guy, and he feels pretty confident that you're making a serious mistake. But he won't tell you to your face (usually). Oh no, he's much more subtle than that. This guy won't avoid you; instead, you seem to run into him quite often. And surprisingly, he wants to introduce you to his new girlfriend...whom he spoils lavishly. Or maybe he wants to show off his new car, or he wants to talk to you about the great internship he just got in New York City. Even though he seems to be totally over you, you get the feeling that he isn't. After all, why does he feel the need to rub in your face just what a catch he really is?

The One Who Doesn't Get ItOh, the Mr. Collinses of the world. You tell them no. They assume that "no" really means "I'm playing hard to get. Try harder and I'll say yes." But, unfortunately, "no" actually mean no. And it still means "no" the second and third time. These guys just really don't get the hint, and usually they're so nice that you just can't bear to tell them "no" a fourth time. But you probably should.

The Determined OneThis guy is a lot like the last one; you tell him "no" but it doesn't deter him. The difference, however, is that this guy gets it. He knows you're not interested, but he figures he can change that. He thinks that maybe if he texts you incessantly and "happens" to be at your apartment every time you come home from work, you'll start to fall for him. Sometimes it works. But a lot of times, it doesn't. And it can be quite annoying to get texts from him that say things like, "Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you were the cutest girl at church today" even though he KNOWS you've been dating someone else for three months.

The "Lets-Be-Friends" OneThis guy realizes that you're not interested in him romantically. But surely, the two of you can still be friends....right? Determined to make sure that your rejection doesn't make things "weird" between the two of you, he goes out of his way to assure you that he's still your friend. He still invites you over to watch movies, but he makes sure you know that there will be other people there, too. He still likes spending time with you, and he especially loves giving you advice about the guys you're interested in (you know, just to reassure you that he's moved on). But every time you're with him, you still can't help shake the feeling that he's been staring into your eyes just a little too long.

The FriendIf you are lucky enough to have a guy in this category, I commend you! This guy is the one who is still your friend even after your fling is over. And he's not just sticking around because he hopes you'll change your mind, either. He really, truly has gotten over you and things can go back to the way they were before he was interested in you. Often, you'll find that you're actually better friends after the whole ordeal.

Well, those are some of the trends I've noticed. Did I miss any? Which ones do you gals run into most often?

Oh, but here's the catch.I want you to read those descriptions again......and figure out which type YOU fall into!

Because SURPRISE! These are also characteristics that us girls exhibit.Yes, ladies, we can be vindictive, too.

We are The Anti-Austens, a collective of feisty, young Latter-Day Saints endowed with old-fashioned sensibilities (acquired through our Mormon upbringing and extensive reading of Jane Austen novels) trudging our way through the modern dating scene.
Our blog was first created in 2010 and based in the Latter-Day Saint epicenter of marriage: Brigham Young University. Since its creation, the blog has seen many writers come and go, but those of us who remain continue vigilant in our quest for a gentleman happily blessed with our ideal qualities. For a few of us, that quest has led us away from our original hunting ground (BYU) on to hopefully greener--and considerably less overwhelmed--pastures.

You Might Also Like

5
comments:

Anonymous
said...

Another thing that might be interesting to categorize: styles of the rejector. I know I've had my fair share of guy who try to slow fade out (where they return your texts less and less and pretend nothing happened) vs the Buddies who keep on being friendly/flirty (again, like nothing happened).Maybe it's just me, but I've had some guys who freak out after only a few days and start overanalyzing things. I think it's almost easier to be the rejected one because you have to try to move on, whereas the rejecter often worries about if there are still feelings or not and treats things differently, sometimes for the worse.

I feel like the situation is changes for me depending on how I approached and pursued the girl.

I've noticed if the girl has started dating someone else, I avoid her like the plague.

At times I'm 'determined' to show the girls they are wrong and I'm perfect for them (never works out well, mind you).

Most of the time though I fall into the "Lets-Be-Friends" category. I hate having things be awkward between people I know and me and I really just want things to be normal but sometimes that means I try and force such things.

I agree with you on your last point, the best are the rejections where everything just returns to normal and you are both just friends and there is nothing else about it.

Hmmm, very interesting points. I was thinking about it, and I'm pretty sure Rejectors probably fall into some of the same categories, such as The Avoider or the "Lets-Still-Be-Friends" One.You also bring up an interesting point about how the Rejector actually can make things more difficult by acting weird; I would definitely agree with that, too. :)

And Eric, I think you're right as well. Every person probably has a tendency to exhibit different rejection styles depending on the situation. But if you're in the Rejector's shoes, I think you're likely to see only one of these styles exhibited by the person you reject. (Hopefully. Unless there are multiple rejections of the same person.)

I'm a lot like Eric. I've sometimes been the determined one to show the girl that she is wrong and that I am awesome. Like Eric, it never works out well.

Sometimes, I avoid. Sometimes I get vindictive.

But most often, probably, I'll be in the "Let's-be-friends" category. Occasionally I'll slip into The Friend category, which is awesome. I'm like that with a number of girls, and it's great. We've both realized, "I'm glad I never picked you/you never picked me. We just wouldn't work. But we are good friends. That's rad."

So far I've resisted commenting on old posts (I like to read the whole blog once I start following one) but I decided I wanted to say something here.

The reason I avoid girls who reject me is because it hurts every time I look at them and think to myself "There's the girl who you like more than anything. And she couldn't care less if you existed." Ok, that's exaggerating it a bit, but sometimes that's the way I feel. At first I was the Determined One, then I tried "Let's be Friends," but in the end I realized I would be a lot happier if I just stayed away. I don't think I would have enough self control to get over someone if I did anything different.