Thursday, May 10, 2012

life is not always hunky dory

today was a long day with a capital L...

I feel like a horrible mother saying this, but today was one of those days that I could have used a break. For some reason I just was worn out today! I always wake up with the best intentions to keep my baby happy, the house clean, the hubby happy, make breakfast and lunch (I always make a big lunch because Kevin isn't home for dinner)... but it hardly ends that way! I usually get 1/3 done of what I wanted to accomplish.

Today was one of those days that Mia just wanted to be held. Her emotions were a little bi-polar, for lack of a better word haha. She woke up SO happy, then would pass gas, and cry. I would give her the binky and talk to her for a minute, till the crying increased. I would then hold her, and she would calm down. She was hungry alot today, and ate almost every hour. I'm just a little sore.. just sayin. I would feed her, and she would fall asleep. I would think- yay, she will take a nap, and I can get some things done. But, after I put her down, 20 minutes later, she would wake up crying and need to be snuggled. Kevin took a few turns, and it seemed like every other hour she would be happy as can be for about an hour. Then, back to the beginning.

I admit, today was the first day so far since having her that I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I felt like I was doing all the right things, feeding her, changing her diaper, singing to her, snuggling her, playing with her, playing music for her, taking her on a walk.. but she seemed to be so sad today. The last two days she has been like this, and the only other time she has been like this was when she had that cut in her eye, and when she had her cold a month ago. So, I kind of felt helpless today.

I still found joy in the day though every time she would smile or coo at me. I love that she knows who her momma is. :)

I find sadness thinking that I 'needed' a break today. I don't like feeling that way. I was tired, and the house is a mess (which a messy house always makes me more stressed) I had to put Mia down in her bouncer a few times and just let her cry for a minute while I took a break going potty or getting a drink or just taking a minute to re collect- and I felt like such a bad mom leaving her for even 2 minutes to cry! Am I a bad mom for letting her cry?

I am however, super luck that she isn't a colicy baby all the time. She has her hour or day but she isn't like this every day. She also normally sleeps good, so I got lucky there too. I feel bad even complaining a little at all (I wouldn't say its really a complaint, just one of those days ya know?) because I know there are people who have babies who cry all day long for no reason and that I do have a really easy baby.

I guess the point I am trying to make here though is that I am not the perfect mom. I do not have it all together. I do not think being a mother is the easiest thing in the world (although its not as hard as I thought it would be) and I do not know all the answers. I am like any other new mom out there trying to figure out what is best for their baby/family. I do often blog and post about how happy I am- and I REALLY am, but I wanted to make sure you all knew that I am imperfect and do not always have perfect days. I want to be relate-able to others so I thought I better share my thoughts on my day today. Sometimes I read other moms blogs and they seem like everything is so perfect and easy for them. And some things are easy- but nothing is perfect. I am learning as I go. I think what makes it easier is the fact that I ENJOY being a mom! I can't imagine trying to be one if I didn't enjoy it...

I am grateful for my family- especially this little Mia who has blessed our lives. I know being a mom is the best choice for me- and I do love it. I'm learning as I go... {keep telling yourself that Gillian...it's ok to make mistakes.}

do you all have days like these, or am I the only one? (why do I feel guilty for the fact that I am calling it 'days like these'?)

I have to sit back and remember though, that Mia is only this little ONCE. She is already growing up way too fast. The most important thing right now is my time with her. Not the dishes. Not cooking. Not doing my hair or makeup every day. It's snuggling her and eating up every second I can with her precious little self. So, on days like this, from now on- I am going to just remember that it's OKAY that nothing got done, because at least I got to snuggle my love bug and give her all the love and attention she needed. Lucky for me- loving her is easy.

5 comments:

I'm sure every single mom can relate to feeling this way at one time or another. You are a wonderful mother just by the fact that you feel guilty for being human and needing a break! We can't always be strong all the time, sometimes WE need to be comforted too!

Oh man...we have all been there! Don't feel bad. Caring for another person is a lot of work! When Gabriel had those days, I praised the Lord that I had my Sleepy Wrap! That way, I could keep him safely wrapped up close to me so he felt nice and cuddled, but my hands were still free to get other stuff done. (Plus, usually fell asleep after a few minutes of being in the wrap...) I highly recommend it!

Yay I'm glad we can keep up to date on eachother with blogs!! I'm sorry to hear to had a bad day. Days like are so so hard but luckily with being a mommy there are way more better days than not that totally make it all worth it! It's so fun to read your posts and see pictures your and awesome mom! Little Mia is one stylish little girl!!

Oh sweetie I have days like this regularly! We all need a break sometimes. I always tell T.C. he goes to work and when he comes home he's done. He doesn't have to think about work anymore if he doesn't want to. Mommy's are on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It never stops and its very easy to get caught up in the service of your family and become overwhelmed. Just remember it's ok to let her cry sometimes and its ok to be frustrated. Sometimes I get so burnt out trying to be the perfect mother, wife, cook, housekeeper and so on. It's a constant battle for me trying to prioritize and talk myself into remembering that its ok if the dishes sit in the sink or the floor doesn't get vacuumed because it will still be there tomorrow but Morgan will only be this age once. We should get together and chat about all of this. It's nice to talk to somebody who understands what you're feeling. :) Hope tomorrow is a better day! Love ya!

You are so normal. I had to giggle at your post. Have you read my blog? I have five boys and have those days and they aren't babies. You are doing a great job and letting her cry for a minute or two while you collect your wits is a good thing-a really good thing. She's not in danger and you are taking a breather so you can go back and take care of her. You are amazing and Miss Mia is so blessed to have you (and I know you feel the same about her). You are doing a good job. Don't stress is your house isn't perfect and meals aren't done exactly on time, and there are piles of laundry. You are taking care of the most important thing and that little thing won't be little forever. One day she will thank you.:) Sending hugs!