Linkbar

hello

oh, albatross shop

August 15, 2013

i've had a long and unfortunate habit of journaling. i say unfortunate because the pen only tends to come out when i'm dwelling somewhere unpleasant. it leads to a certain morose inelegance from which there is nothing to be gained. sometimes i write it down just to throw it out, just to make it go away. as if ideas are that easy to be rid of. (ideas take hold with teeth and claws.)

this is not the kind of habit to be encouraged. this muck, this mire, this dark. and yet, the problem with joy is that i rarely stop to observe it. i live the momentary pleasure and let it drift away again. (there are some things you really ought to hold onto as fiercely as you can.) i'd like to hold the goodness just a little longer, you know? not like a bird in a cage, but like a butterfly landing on the back of your hand. the longest moment you can remember.

perhaps i need practice at keeping the little joys alive. a photo, a sentence. maybe not daily, but hopefully with a rhythm that picks up pace and grows and grows.

from her dark corner, she reaches her rescued shoots to the light. there's always room to grow.

6
notes:

sometimes if i have a goal of writing, the blank page is entirely too formidable. i think, if i could just write a sentence it would be a start. but that's a lot of pressure on one little sentence. sometimes, i settle for just a list of words.

I also journal more during gloomy times, but find it more like an un-tangling of the mire. I worked through The Artists Way many years ago and from that I learnt not to judge what came out, but simply to be glad that it was out of my head. The Morning Pages (which I'm afraid I didn't keep up with, but return to when I need some clarity) are not even to be read. Just write. Don't judge.

But capturing the brighter moments would be a good exercise. Sunlight piercing a heavy, grey cloud.

i think it was an accidental rereading that made me realize how one sided my journaling was. i almost never sat down to write when i was joyful. and i'd really like there to be something so that, when i look back, i can see those sweet little stars reflected against the black night.

If I am really worked up I will compose an email to myself to get it all down, get it out, then delete the email! It's still a purge but this way I don't go back and reread, re-dwell. Rereading can be like reopening a wound that had healed over for the most part. Maybe better to let some negative stuff out but not look for it again.

I write a lot, mostly in a blank journal, sometimes on my neglected blog. I have said many times that I write to make sense of my life. This seems to be something I need more during the tough times, when the emotional clouds make the view unclear. My view when things are joyful is so clear that I am more inclined to make photographs than to string words together. I use both for storytelling. You might like the website http://www.habitblog.com/habit/ for daily photos accompanied by a short phrase or sentence. I hope your practice brings you something peaceful, and supports your gratitude.