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Spice of Life w/Suga Q&A Session 11

I have a best friend who I love dearly but I feel like when it comes to her female friends she isn’t always there for us but bends over backwards over for men whether she’s dating them or not. I want her to stop but I don’t want her to get mad at me. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Friend Sexism

Dear Friend Sexism,

You know what’s funny is that I’m having the same problem with a friend. She goes above and beyond for a guy but friends and family get the bare minimum if anything at all. My advice would be to ask her why she holds men to a higher importance than friends or family. There is something very wrong with that. It’s okay to have a man that holds great importance in your life but friends and family are important too. It’s not fair to always say no to friends or family but go all out for a man. What’s even weirder is that she’s even doing it for men she’s not dating. Men hold a pedestal in her eyes over everyone else. This sounds to me like someone whose worth is dependent on men. She doesn’t seem to care what her friends or family think of her. Maybe she thinks that you’ll always be there and accept her for who she is. Meanwhile, the affection of men is based on what she does for them. But she may not recognize this as a problem because she’s spending her time and money the way she wants to.

Hopefully, she will see your words as caring and not as an attack and maybe can work towards making things better in ALL her relationships.

Dear Suga,

I’m having problems with several of my coworkers. I’m basically being bullied and everyone sees it going on, even upper management. I had a falling out with one of the ladies and she has turned everyone against me. No one is doing anything about it. I really love my job but I’m not sure how long I continue being there. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Trouble at Work

Dear Trouble at Work,

Honestly this is a tough situation. Your work life has to be stable just as home life because you spend a lot of time there and with your coworkers. I find it really odd that your supervisor or manager knows of this and isn’t willing to do anything about it. If I were you I would attempt to go as high up in management as I could go to get help. As for your coworkers, it seems that there is a ring leader in this situation. If I were you I would confront her. There is a way to stand up for yourself without becoming belligerent or violent towards her. You need to because otherwise this will just drive you crazy. I’m sure if you let her know that you won’t stand for it the others will back down as well since they’re basically following her lead. If none of this is rectified, I would consider leaving. If this job isn’t your passion or career it may be a sign that’s it time to move on. Who really wants to work for a company with such childish people and supervisors that won’t help put when issues arise.