BUT until finding this thread, I thought it was an issue of how much conditioner I use as a leave-in AND how much gel. (Conditioner making it soft/slippy, gel making it crunchy/clumpy/grabby.)
Now I have to rethink and am excited to find a solution!

I have very fine hair, but fortunately loads of it.
I think I'm not porous, since I can airdry my hair over night and still need two extra hours in the morning until it's really dry.
I hardly ever tangle.
My hair is 3a on top and 2c underneath, so I try to encourage curls.

Wow! What a great thread! I have learned so much and this is exactly what I've been struggling with, but just didn't really know how to say it or what was going on. This has cleared up so much for me!

Take it with a grain of salt, but I think the grabby vs. slippery is not so much porosity, but it's about TEXTURE. A lot of wavies, especially ones that easily get weighed down, need something that is more texturizing than detangling. Slip is just that.. it slicks the cuticle to reduce friction and the hairs slide over each other easily. Texturizing does the opposite. That's why when you go to the beach you get really cool beachy waves and lots of volume, but your hair "feels" different, the salt in the water gives texture to the hair.

I like it right in the middle. A moderate amount of slip. For every day or for a leave-in anyway.

Originally Posted by runnerchicki

This is exactly what's been happening to me. I get weighed down very easily so I thought I was getting overconditioned, so I'd back off of the conditioning, but then immediately my hair would get dry and frizzy with no definition.

I knew my balance was off, but I just couldn't figure out how to make it right. This "grabby" texturizing thing makes total sense to me and I guess unless you have hair that doesn't need slip, and it seems to me that more curlies need slip than don't, it really wouldn't make any sense.

Anyway, I feel like I've finally turned another corner in my curly hair journey and the mystery is slowly unraveling itself.

This is interesting. You guys say grabby vs slip in your leave-in, but how does your hair actually feel when it DRIES when using a grabby leave-in vs. a slippery one? Does it still feel kind of grabby and hard to comb through, or does it become softer? I had Curl Keeper used on me and post SOTC my hair actually dried feeling like glue and really producty, and I couldn't even get a comb through it. It was awful. Would grabby leave-ins dry feeling even slightly like that? I don't know if I could take it. I hate having limper curls, but at least they are soft and touchable (and I don't even use a leave-in, just gel, it's just that I get overconditioned from my rinse out really easily). *shudders* Curl Keeper was the most icky thing I've ever had in my hair.

What ingredients cause a conditioner to be grabby? Not sure if this thread singled out any. The grabby effect on me promotes clumps with minimal effort. I have fine hair w/ normal porosity, medium density and normal elasticity. I think I would prefer a "grabbier" LI, as opposed to slippery LIs which tend to break up my clumps more and elongate my waves as well.