April 01, 2010

India enacts Right to Free Sex Act

India has become the world’s first country to enact the Right of All to Free and Compulsory Sex Act (2010). The passage of the bill by the country’s parliament was through a secret ballot for obvious reasons.

The three lawmakers, one man and two women, who dissented run the risk of being sentenced to six months of rigorous sex by a special court whose presiding judge is ironically called Vatsayana.

More popularly known among the lawmakers simply as the Sex Act, its passage has been barely noticed behind the enormity of the enactment of the Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education Act. The right to education was heralded by a personality no less than Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who championed it personally by citing his own advancement in life entirely because of his education. In contrast the right to sex could not find any public champion.

Highly reliable sources told this correspondent that Congress Party general secretary and Member of Parliament (MP) Rahul Gandhi, increasingly projected as India’s future prime minister, was approached to go on national television and explain the broad contours of the Sex Act. “Rahul politely declined saying he would follow the new law of the land in its letter and spirit rather than just talk about it,” the sources said.

Another young ruling party MP, who was among the earliest proponents of the Sex Act, told this correspondent on the condition of anonymity, “Given that the actual act is so private, my comments must also remain private. Suffice to say that sex is now constitutionally mandated in India.”

In a country nearly half of whose 1.2 billion population is under the age of 25 the right to sex is neither here nor there since one major national survey found that Indians between the ages 18 and 25 have more sex than ever before in its history. “What this Act does is gives having sex constitutional sanctity and makes free love guilt free,” the MP said and reiterated enjoying his own phrase thoroughly, “Got it? Free love, guilt free?”

One provision which was most fiercely debated was the mandatory age for sex under the new act. Most MPs wanted it to be 20 but the core group of MPs in their 30s, who were pushing the enactment, wanted it to be 18. One woman MP from a northern state was reported to have argued rather colorfully, alluding to the voting age of 18, “If you trust an 18-year-old to slip in a ballot in a box, why not trust them to have sex at that age?”

The provisions of the Sex Act, 2010, have not yet been made public but this correspondent was given a preview of some of what it contains. Before more could be copied from the draft bill, this correspondent was ejected by parliamentary security.

· On turning 18 all Indians will be required to have sex at least once a month.

· Condoms of different colors and flavors will be distributed free throughout the country.

· An autonomous body will be set up to monitor who is obeying the law and who is not.

· The law will not be mandatory for those above 65. Voluntary observance will be encouraged for citizens older than 65.

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India enacts Right to Free Sex Act

India has become the world’s first country to enact the Right of All to Free and Compulsory Sex Act (2010). The passage of the bill by the country’s parliament was through a secret ballot for obvious reasons.

The three lawmakers, one man and two women, who dissented run the risk of being sentenced to six months of rigorous sex by a special court whose presiding judge is ironically called Vatsayana.

More popularly known among the lawmakers simply as the Sex Act, its passage has been barely noticed behind the enormity of the enactment of the Right of Children to Free and Compulsory Education Act. The right to education was heralded by a personality no less than Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who championed it personally by citing his own advancement in life entirely because of his education. In contrast the right to sex could not find any public champion.

Highly reliable sources told this correspondent that Congress Party general secretary and Member of Parliament (MP) Rahul Gandhi, increasingly projected as India’s future prime minister, was approached to go on national television and explain the broad contours of the Sex Act. “Rahul politely declined saying he would follow the new law of the land in its letter and spirit rather than just talk about it,” the sources said.

Another young ruling party MP, who was among the earliest proponents of the Sex Act, told this correspondent on the condition of anonymity, “Given that the actual act is so private, my comments must also remain private. Suffice to say that sex is now constitutionally mandated in India.”

In a country nearly half of whose 1.2 billion population is under the age of 25 the right to sex is neither here nor there since one major national survey found that Indians between the ages 18 and 25 have more sex than ever before in its history. “What this Act does is gives having sex constitutional sanctity and makes free love guilt free,” the MP said and reiterated enjoying his own phrase thoroughly, “Got it? Free love, guilt free?”

One provision which was most fiercely debated was the mandatory age for sex under the new act. Most MPs wanted it to be 20 but the core group of MPs in their 30s, who were pushing the enactment, wanted it to be 18. One woman MP from a northern state was reported to have argued rather colorfully, alluding to the voting age of 18, “If you trust an 18-year-old to slip in a ballot in a box, why not trust them to have sex at that age?”

The provisions of the Sex Act, 2010, have not yet been made public but this correspondent was given a preview of some of what it contains. Before more could be copied from the draft bill, this correspondent was ejected by parliamentary security.

· On turning 18 all Indians will be required to have sex at least once a month.

· Condoms of different colors and flavors will be distributed free throughout the country.

· An autonomous body will be set up to monitor who is obeying the law and who is not.

· The law will not be mandatory for those above 65. Voluntary observance will be encouraged for citizens older than 65.