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It's Fun to Play the Piano ... Please Pass It On!

I was out hiking with Martin, a charming fellow, who was 'really into' foods that can be found in the wild. I received quite an education about common plants which are edible-- he said. He offered me a bite of what he said was a wild truffle, but it looked enough like a dog turd that I just couldn't--- but I'm sure Frau Siegling-Weberhorst knows who's who, and who's not who, in the truffle world, and that her truffles could never be taken for... ok, I'm not sure I like where this is going.

I don't know how it is in Germany, but I hear that in France they use pigs to serve as truffle hounds, prizing their ability to sniff the tasty truffle treat in its underground home. I'm not sure that this ability did anything for the pigs' longevity, but I do know that two out of four of my grandparents smoked like chimneys and drank like fish, and lived on to be quite elderly. So, if you think truffles are the key to a very long life, and if that's what you want, then go ahead and roll the dice. I would find it hard to argue the point with a 97-year-old truffle factory owner... but I do know that there are pianists whose work is highly prized, up into their very advanced years.

I was out hiking with Martin, a charming fellow, who was 'really into' foods that can be found in the wild. I received quite an education about common plants which are edible-- he said. He offered me a bite of what he said was a wild truffle, but it looked enough like a dog turd that I just couldn't---.

No wedding news, but I did play last night (my regular gig) and felt like I was in a crazy house. There was a man who decided to sit at the antique desk in the lobby. He stared at me and wrote in a notebook, which, let me tell you, is enough to jangle any Piano Girl's nerves. I thought maybe he was writing a review or drawing a picture of me (oh, how my ego trips me up sometimes), but I sent a waiter to look over his shoulder and it turned out he was doing a crossword puzzle. When he left he said: "Your music really helped me."

I am now considering renting myself out to provide background music for Scrabble tournaments.

Then a group of four women from Taiwan came in and sat crammed together on the leather sofa next to the piano. This was slightly odd since there were about 25 free seats elsewhere in the lobby—but the ladies were joined at the hip and wearing really cute rain bonnets. Every so often they would shout something at me in heavily accented English. They moved as a unit (in my piano reverie I started to wonder if there was such a thing as Siamese Quadruplets) and kept yelling at me that I sounded like "Kevin Kern." Nice compliment—although it took awhile to figure out what they were saying. Kevin is evidently very big in Taiwan. Maybe now I will be big in Taiwan, too. One can hope.

Anyway, in the middle of all of this was a woman who was stalking the piano—she was there looking for a piano gig. She kept asking inappropriate questions really loudly, things like: "HOW MUCH DO YOU MAKE?" Clef, I sent her down to visit the Ninja Swans.

To wrap up the evening, an elderly woman who looked like a prison matron from the outskirts of Istanbul put her hands firmly on my shoulders and hissed : "NICHT SO LAUT." I don't suppose any of you need a translation for that sentence. I usually have snappy replies for such guests, but this woman was a little scary. Maybe I should have sent the Taiwanese Quadruplets after her. Death by rain bonnet. The four of them together (plus me) didn't weigh as much as she did.

I love my job, really I do.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

To wrap up the evening, an elderly woman who looked like a prison matron from the outskirts of Istanbul put her hands firmly on my shoulders and hissed : "NICHT SO LAUT." I don't suppose any of you need a translation for that sentence. I usually have snappy replies for such guests, but this woman was a little scary. Maybe I should have sent the Taiwanese Quadruplets after her. Death by rain bonnet. The four of them together (plus me) didn't weigh as much as she did.

To wrap up the evening, an elderly woman who looked like a prison matron from the outskirts of Istanbul put her hands firmly on my shoulders and hissed : "NICHT SO LAUT." I don't suppose any of you need a translation for that sentence. I usually have snappy replies for such guests, but this woman was a little scary. Maybe I should have sent the Taiwanese Quadruplets after her. Death by rain bonnet. The four of them together (plus me) didn't weigh as much as she did.

Well, that's unanswerable... although the subtext is deafening. I believe a loose translation might go something like, "Madam, stop mooing." What are they going to say--- "How dare you give me a cowbell?"

They take it to the manager; the manager shrugs. "Let me find you a nice table a little further from the piano," he says, with an ingratiating smile and a little twinkle. "Here--- I'll take that cowboy cowbell."

More cowbell! Let's Talk Weddings has now had over 2 million hits. If that doesn't call for more cowbell, nothing does. Many thanks to all our readers and writers.

I played last night for 50 Japanese people who are driving through Germany in Porsches. Imagine that convoy. They showed up at the castle for a cocktail party and dinner. Lots of bowing, which, frankly, I love. Much better (and more sanitary) to bow than shake hands or do the European kiss-kiss thing. In between bows I had my picture taken about a thousand times in the course of 30 minutes. Fashion report: The women were gorgeous—I haven't ever seen such pretty dresses. I've come to the conclusion that upscale Japanese women really get it right when it comes to style. They listened to the music and smiled and were all in all the perfect guests. Fun night at the castle . . .

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Here in multi-cultural Vancouver Canada yesterday, I had a Japanese-appearing chap give me a lovely little bow of thanks for my stopping my car at a crosswalk to allow him to cross. I appreciated the gesture!

Any of you have Mother's Day gigs? Those can be rough. Last year I got caught in a major bike race on my way to the castle, ended up having to hobble in my heels about three miles to get to the gig, got stuck in a thunderstorm, and arrived at the job looking like the Bride of Frankenstein. This year I am sending a sub to the Mother's Day castle gig, because I'm booked to do a reading ("Married to the Bass" from Piano Girl) at an event for the mayor of Cologne. My husband (the bassist) will be playing for me while I read this tome, which is appropriate since Sunday is also our 23rd wedding anniversary. Maybe I should call the piece "STILL Married to the Bass."

Tomorrow night, Saturday, I am also ditching my castle duties so I can play for a dinner party for European Titans of Industry on top of a tower that overlooks the Rhine. I hope no one jumps. I hope no one falls. I hope the piano is in tune.

Wishing you all a fabulous weekend!

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

My regular Mothers' Day gig is attending the Mother of the Year ceremony on Saturday. My wife (2002) is not going this year, due to a conflict, but I always try to make it. The ceremony is within walking distance. They are interesting women!

The woman who runs the ceremony and I arrange the Oakland Municipal Band concerts. I spend a little time trying to track down some of the recipients who have dropped out of sight. The difficulty is when the name is not uncommon, so I do not know which one it is.

Last night, my wife and I went to an event set up by a service center for the homeless where she volunteers. This reminded me of one of the other Mothers of the Year, Joan Sparks, who I had trouble tracing, until one of the other Mothers said to look for "Joan Sparks Lion Tamer." That led to this article.

BDB, sounds like your annual mother's day gig is one of merit. Love the Joan Sparks story. What a gal. With all the Hallmark hoopla and flowers and candy and lunch buffets, we forget how important it is to recognize women like Joan. She should have her own "day."

Torre, thanks for this link. You're right—funniest thing EVER.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

This years recipient, Lisa Klein, is a young mother who wanted to pass on her children's outgrown baby clothes to families in need. She found a church in Louisiana that was sheltering refugees from Katrina. So she put out a call on her mothers' network for baby clothes, and immediately got 200 pounds of clothing. She divided them into boxes of boy's clothes and girls clothes and sent them off. Right after that, she got an additional 100 pounds, and that was the impetus for her to found Loved Twice.

Famous Couplings would get us banned, for sure. But what fun we would have.

Clef, funny you should bring up Mickey and Minnie—just yesterday we had a potential bride tour the castle (the sales-pitch tour on the part of the sales office). She really looked like Minnie Mouse, with the big bow in her hair and the red polka dot skirt.

My daughter got roped into singing/playing for free last weekend at the wedding of a teacher's friend. She darn near froze to death in the old stone church (there is nothing colder than a European church in May) and was rewarded following the ceremony with a 10€ drug store gift certificate and a package of strawberry facial masque.

Live and learn! She said it was fun, but it took her fours hours to warm up after she got home.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Wow, Redhead1, it's been so fun to watch your piano career develop - I remember when you first got the gig at the dept store! This is a lovely website. Congratulations, and you do a great, professional job.

I haven't been gigging lately at all, just got back from Russia teaching English to a private family. They had a grand piano in the home but it wasn't the best and slightly out of tune and poor action.

Actually I was looking at solo hotel residencies in Asia or Dubai, but sadly I have come to realize that all they want are pretty ladies who look good and can play passably. Basically eye candy for the guests.

As a guy my chances are zilch in landing that job.

I've learned that gigs should be treated as fun and a bonus. Better to do something else for a proper job and play for enjoyment.

Ha! I wonder if this year's Eurovision Song Contest winner, Conchita Wurst, a cross-dresser wearing a killer sequined evening gown and sporting a beard, would let a little gender discrimination stop her.

Seriously, I have been dealing with this topic for years— listening to whispered comments like: "she only gets the gigs because she looks nice at the piano." This is probably true in some cases—at least this is why I've gotten some jobs to begin with (although that's changing as I age!), but I hold onto gigs because I know what I'm doing and I'm good at it. Cocktail gigs are NOT just about playing the piano—you have to be personable, willing to put up with a lot of weirdness, offer psychological counseling to wayward guests, and, yes, play the piano at the same time.

That said, I have been shut out of many gigs because the powers that be want a guy in a tuxedo (who can do all of the above). For every gig I've gotten because I'm a woman, I've lost one because I'm not. It is what it is.

As far as this thread is concerned, male pianists are much more popular for weddings. The brides and their mothers do the hiring, so this is a no brainer. I've actually gotten more work as I've aged, because, due to some well placed wrinkles, I'm not longer a "hot-tamale" threat to the star of the day. Trust me, most brides would much rather hire a man.

Then, believe it or not, there are places and people (sometimes even brides) who actually hire musicians based on the music, regardless of gender. It happens. Thank goodness.

So, Wind, forget about Dubai and head to one of the many cities that actually prefers men on the bench. Clef's right, waxing is way too painful!

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Better brides, or brides with better sense, might think twice about hiring that handsome man in a nice tuxedo. But as long as it's about decor, maybe it doesn't really matter to them. But Robin is decor too. As for having wrinkles, I don't believe it.

Having a sober performer is an interesting perspective. I have it on good authority--- drinkers, and especially lushes--- that people who are drinking don't like being around people who aren't.

But I think the clincher, for repeat engagements, is giving the wedding planner the impression you think they're just the smartest, most tasteful, best fashion sense, etc., and that eye for those special touches that make the occasion so memorable. Yes, and the funny, lighthearted jokes to keep everyone in such a good mood. Personally, having the pushy person with the clipboard step on a rat trap when headed your way, with some bossy instructions on the tip of her tongue, is my idea of ROTFL. When they've already taken a deep breath (and maybe even a drink), they squawk that much louder, with a pretty good likelihood (better than 50%; I would think closer to 75) of taking the Lord's name in vain, right there in the nave. We could call it having a lapse in the apse. I admit that some people might see it as hostile and not really funny at all. I admit the former sin, but there's no denying the crowd appeal.

Proof might be scarce, but suspicion might linger in the vicinity of the piano; that triple forte intermezzo, intended to drown out a sustained cussing streak might strike some as facile, or even as rehearsed. Yes, almost as if it were planned. Hmmmmmm... but the big question is, are there actually rats? If you're thinking ahead to the Big Day, that means the sexton would have to be greased. Well, we're playing the odds; no telling how the cards will fall (unless, maybe, you do know)...

Hmm interesting, I've never heard of clients preferring to hire men, especially at weddings. But that makes sense if they don't want competition for the bride. I never thought of it that way.

From my own observations about hiring practices in the 5 star hotels overseas, I just saw a trend of female pianists. Unless you double as a great singer I haven't seen too many guys do cocktail piano overseas.

What I really should do is get out of the piano and start DJing! If you google the top earners you will be shocked that they command millions and are jetted around like rock stars.

My daughter graduated from high school this past weekend (German Abitur degree), so I've been busy entertaining visiting dignitaries (my parents) from the USA. I did play one wedding a week ago, an episode I am tentatively calling "The Gynecologist and the Singing Bride." I'll report back here with details as soon as I make my final airport run to drop off the departing dignitaries. Clef, you're going to love this one.

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Robin Meloy Goldsbywww.goldsby.deAuthor of PIANO GIRL: A MemoirRHYTHM: A Novel RMG is a Steinway Artist

Hmm interesting, I've never heard of clients preferring to hire men, especially at weddings. But that makes sense if they don't want competition for the bride. I never thought of it that way.

From my own observations about hiring practices in the 5 star hotels overseas, I just saw a trend of female pianists. Unless you double as a great singer I haven't seen too many guys do cocktail piano overseas.

What I really should do is get out of the piano and start DJing! If you google the top earners you will be shocked that they command millions and are jetted around like rock stars.