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Thursday, December 22, 2016

How To Write Poetry Now That You've Taken One Class In College And Done Shrooms

You're 20 years old, love Sublime, just finished Poetry 101, and took shrooms with a co-worker like, three weeks ago, man.

It's time to write some fucking poetry!

1. Write about tripping. Nobody has ever tripped the way you have. They were just tripping to escape. You were tripping to discover.

2. Ooh, that's a good line. Write it like this:

Others trip toescapeI trip toDiscover
The pussy is on the way, brother!

3. Go to an open mic and pull out a piece of paper and say something like, "I wrote this on the bathroom floor because I was so nervous about reading here."

People respect that. You're creative even in your fear. Make sure you have condoms!

4. Read a lot of Bukowski and tell people you don't read a lot of poetry but you like Bukowski.

5. Go to open mics and talk about your one experience with shrooms as if it was a habitual experience. That's its own kind of trip, man. Spend the rest of the open mic asking people if they have any connects because you're new to town and nobody loves you.

6. Get some harsh but constructive criticism on your poetry and write a poem about how your first shroom experience has disconnected you from humanity and nobody understands you.

7. Increasingly talk about aliens in your work. Tell people you're going through your interstellar period and in the same conversation ask if they have a connect. You, like, totally can get some but you want to see what else is out there.

8. Start dressing like an alien at readings. Wrap foil around your head. Tell people you're increasingly becoming disconnected from the world and you're preparing for your departure. You just need to find some black Nikes and maybe some shrooms. You know anyone?

9. Never advance to poetry 102. All your friends talk about you behind your back. Your gateway drug was shrooms. You ended up in poetry and outer space and you are Tom DeLonge. Join your friends in kinesiology.