My mom has been very supportive of my food issues. Lately, wit the wheat thing, it has become a bit harder, but Mom has been great about asking what I can have when I am over there etc. Last time I was there for Friday night dinner, I took a box of 100-calorie chocolate bars over and left them there so i would have something to enjoy for desert when we have the big family dinners.

I guess Mom felt guilty because she asked me today about the $4 a slice gluten-free chocolate cake they sell at a local health food store. I have had it, it's amazing, and I absolutely will indulge for a special occasion. But I don't buy it every week or anything because that's like $200 a year just on chocolate cake to take to Mom's for Friday night dinner I don't have an oven, nor am I a great cook, so I have not made my own or anything. Also, I am too tempted by sweets and don't keep them in the house.

I do like to have a treat when everyone else is, but I am happy with the chocolate bars. I guess Mom was worried I was being deprived though because she told me this week she wants me to go ad buy the chocolate cake before I come, and she will pay me back for it. I appreciate the gesture, but I don't like letting my mom pay for things. It's not about can I afford the chocolate cake myself or not. I can afford it, when I want to buy it,. I do think it is too expensive to be worth it every week, and it being Mom's money or my money does not change the relative value of it for me. When I want it, or if it's a special occasion, I can afford to supply my own chocolate cake.

But my mother is a classic Jewish mother, and making these big weekly dinners is one of the ways she expresses her love for the family and feels like she is still taking care of me and being my mom even though I am a adult So I am feeling like either I have to choose between spending money on something I don't want to spend it on, which makes me uncomfortable, or taking money from her for it instead, which makes me uncomfortable, but for a different reason. I was happy with the chocolate bars, but I guess in her world, everyone else has a pastry on Friday night so it is only fair that I should have one too, and she would rather spend the $4 a week herself and see me have it.

*sigh* Such complications. Really, the chocolate bars are fine. I told her this when I saw her for lunch today. But I suspect we have not had our last conversation about this gluten-free chocolate cake...

I can totally understand how she feels. I go out of my way to make sure that my allergic son has food that is at least similar to what everyone else has, even if it does cost a little more. I want him to feel as normal as possible and not feel left out at all.

_________________Married mom of 4 living children and a baby girl in Heaven.
Between myself, my husband, and our children we have way too many allergies to list.

I have always been very self sufficient and I hated to have to depend on others. I can see how you feel about taking money from your mom etc.

When I had my daughter, I began to see things from a different light. Now I know the joy of giving of myself and seeing her happy or taking some of the stress away so that she can focus her energies on other things.

Allowing people to help us does not mean we're admitting that we can't do it ourselves. it means letting them feel the joy of being able to help. Maybe you can find a way to let your mother have that joy every once in a while.

ficbot, have you looked for some other gluten free treat? Something *more like a cake* but not so pricey, and not so rich (if that's a concern).

I've seen a few gluten free products that are more similar to Dare Bear Paws. They are individually wrapped cookies or bars -- but like baked goods rather then like chocolate bars. Maybe something like that could be a compromise with your mom.

I did try one recently, and it was pretty good. I don't have to avoid wheat or gluten, so I don't normally buy these more expensive treats, but dh saw a *peanut-free* symbol on something we've never eaten before, so he bought it for me to try.

_________________self: allergy to sesame seeds and peanuts
3 sons each with at least one of the following allergies: peniciilin, sulfa-based antibiotic, latex, insect bites/stings

Moms are funny like that, we enjoy knowing we can provide yummy treats for our kids. Maybe you could bake a batch of cupcake to take over and leave in her freezer, and she could thaw one when she is expecting you. Make sure to mention how it is your favorite recipe, and that you rarely go through the hassle of making them just for you, but how great it would be to know you have a secret stash at her house!

We recently did a tasting and Guardian Angel has chocolate raspberry muffins which are quite decadent too rich for dd's taste the demonstrator said they appeal more to adults.
Maybe your mother would like to keep a box in the freezer (they are individually wrapped).

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