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Battle of the Bedbugs

Rejoice, my comrades! Today has been a truly glorious day in the history of our intrepid battalion. From the moment we were deployed at the peak of summer heat, to our present landing as the season has begun to wane, our mission has been blessed by our Lord, the Great Bed-Crawler. All bow to His Bloodiness.

And now we must turn to the logistics of our infiltration. You may notice that the rumored Two-Legged, said to be colossal, lumbering, and unmistakable, have been absent from our general vicinity. We have landed with ample time to settle in position before nightfall, when the Two-Legged shall return. Resist your instincts; stay out of sight. The Two-Legged are not vulnerable until they lie silent and prostrate in their beds, their breathing slowed to a lull – only then will we strike.

Courage, comrades. Our time is near.

DAY FOUR

I approach you all today with a sense of disquiet. Why, you ask? Have we not fought well? Have we not fed well? Have we not carried on the name of our esteemed and glorious –

What? What is it, Captain?

Private Blackstripe? That is simply ludicrous. He is here with us now, is he not? How –

Ah.

Do not panic! I tell you, do not panic! I have just been informed that Private Blackstripe has been seen and captured by the Two-Legged. Once again, I remind you, this is no cause for alarm! Conceal yourselves in your positions. No doubt the Two-Legged will make a commotion, hoping to incite the rest of us to reveal our existence, but we are wilier yet. Courage, comrades.

DAY SIX

They thought they could vanquish us with those noxious vapors, did they? We suffered dreadful casualties, yes, but we endured as we always have. Strike us down, and we shall become more powerful than they can imagine.

The Two-Legged will soon see their grave and fatal error. But for now, let us mourn our fallen brethren. I call on His Bloodiness to give us strength.

DAY NINE

It seems the Two-Legged are strategizing – we have seen neither head nor foot of them for an entire night. Could they be planning an ambush? Have they finally wisened to our continued presence?

It is no use to conjecture. We can only act. Prudence, my comrades – let not fear take hold of you, but maintain your stations all the same. We shall prevail.

The Two-Legged. They have fought a shrewd fight, feigning ignorance and then striking the mortal blow while we were defenseless. To their leader I extend the respect only a fellow commander can bestow. Well played.

A sudden flash of light! Being lifted, creatures in white all around me – perhaps I will see His Bloodiness after all.

Courage. If we perish, we perish honorably, with the knowledge that we have fought the good fight. Comrades, it has been an honor serving with you.