We got Calli before we bought our home. She was the coolest, most bad-ass cat ever.She was a lap-cat, a cuddler, snuggler, and a kisser.She didn’t like many people, but those she liked knew it.She was….

She was Calli.And we had to say goodbye yesterday.

Calli got sick.She lost a lot of weight, was jaundiced, had pancreatitis, and possibly hepatic lipidosis (unconfirmed, but likely).We tried.

Painkiller, antibiotic, anti-nausea, appetite stimulant…We syringe-fed her food and water.She wouldn’t eat on her own.She barely drank on her own.

We had 4 options:1) Nasal-esophageal feeding tube2) Hooking her up to and I.V. (w/hospitalization) for nutritional supplementation3) Continue force-feeding her4) Euthanasia

After everything we went through with Peanut, we knew that Calli would not do well with a tube, and the chance of successful treatment with 1 & 2 was very low. We didn’t want her to suffer. If we tried to continue feeding her by hand, she would, most likely, slowly starve to death and die at home.

I could not let her go through that.And I couldn’t put my husband through waking up to find her body.I don’t know that i could handle that, either.

Letting her go was the most humane thing we could do for her.And it was the most painful thing for us.

Now that my St. Patrick’s Day festivities have passed, and I can relax a little – and get back to my normal schedule – I can plan ahead for Ostara.
While the Christian religion celebrated the return of the crucified Christ, pagans will celebrate the return of spring.
All will enjoy the pastel and chocolatey goodness that occurs for the holiday. Brightly colored eggs, fuzzy lambs, squee-dorable bunnies… it’s all one holiday, celebrated differently.

Let’s all get along, celebrate a renewal, a revival, a darn good thing. Let’s eat. Let’s mate. Let’s enjoy the warm sunshine and return of above-40 temperatures. 🙂

Also, I really enjoy the chocolate.
And hard-boiled, brightly-decorated eggs.

One of my cousins raises and shows rabbits. She recently posted this picture, and I guess there’s another litter on the way.
Totally squeedorable!

I really wish I was closer to that side of my family. When my parent’s divorced, I really didn’t spend much time with dad’s side. And, this particular branch of the family lives in MO. It’s just far enough away that it’s inconvenient for those of us with regularly-houred (Is that even a phrase? I guess it is now.) jobs have to actually plan trips – which generally doesn’t happen. We tend to see each other on Facebook or at funerals.

This cousin, and her sister, are fairly close to my age, so you’d think that we’d have something in common to bond us. And we do have a few things: Animals, tattoos (bunny cousin is an artist), love of books and movies.
But nothing has ever really clicked with us.

I’m in a “The Last Unicorn” mood.
I’ve been listening to (not really watching) YouTube videos, and I’m about to pop in the dvd.

“The Last Unicorn” is one of my favorite books. Ever. Of all time.
And the movie is one of my favorites.
No shame – I cry. Every. Single. Time.

The absolute romance and magic are everything I loved as a child, and love still. When my parents were going through their divorce, I watched the movie constantly.
And now, when I am feeling a little down, I grab the book or some ice cream and the dvd. It’s one of the few cases where I enjoy the movie as much as the book.
And it’s the reasons why I love

(Note: Their description is crappy. It’s Rose’s Theme (Bad Wolf), not the Dr. Who theme.)

Seriously, I’ve had some kind of funk in my brain. I would use the term depression, but I feel that it would take away from those folks who have been clinically diagnosed. But, needing a word to describe the last few weeks, that might have to do.

There’s been an overwhelming feeling of unease, insecurity, and self-loathing. I feel fat, lazy, and unmotivated to do anything about it, which makes me pissed off at myself as well. I fall into bouts of unexplained sadness. There have been few moments of true happiness.

Even the comfort of kitten cuddles brings little joy. Sometimes, it makes me incredibly sad to have my girls with me. I love them, and find few things as relaxing as their purring (and even their snoring). But, since Peanut passed, it has been bittersweet.

And though this is my favorite time of year – Renn Faires, cool-but-not-cold weather (perfect for hoodies), dance events – I’m finding it hard to focus on all the good things that I normally look forward to.

Part of me feels lost. It’s like I’m missing something, though I don’t know what it is.
I’ve prayed to Brigid for guidance.
I’ve meditated… sat quietly in my room, soft music playing in the background (Susheela Ramen songs are great for that). I focus on the quiet, or find a beat in the music. I imagine my body is wrapped in a warm, golden light. It envelopes and soothes me. Beginning with my toes, I begin to feel a slight tingle, not entirely unlike that when your foot or hand falls asleep, but not the painful kind of tingle. That feeling travels up my legs and slowly spreads over my body. By the time I feel that my whole self is “fuzzy”, my mind is generally clear and I can drift off into my conscious.

But, I haven’t been able to get there.
It’s like I am preventing myself – or being prevented – from finding that tranquil place. My field. My garden.