Can I ask/share something that happened to me recently? It is related but on a different note.

On my first date (met through tinder!) we went to a coffee shop. I ordered what I wanted then asked what he wanted. then the clerk rung up for 2 so I just paid. I said “I’m sure you pay for girls all the time. Let me get this one for you.”

He asked me out for dinner a few days later. We had a lovely time and when the bill came he put his card out and it was my natural reflex to reach for my purse and put my card down next to his. he didn’t say anything and we split the bill.

Third date came and we did a fun activity together that he arranged so I got us lunch. after the activity we had dinner and again, we split the bill.

This went on and on like this and because he was a respectful guy or shy, he didn’t make any advances on me that made me think he’s flirting with me. and for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why I felt like he’s just a friend and not a potential romantic partner. What I realized was that I didn’t feel like he was taking any ‘risks’ or ‘investment’ in me by treating me with a meal or anything specific to make me feel special (it doesn’t have to be big. it could have been a stem of flower he picked up from the street!)

Just my two cents on how ‘who pays the bill’ became an issue for me.

(how it ended up: I told him that I would like to feel appreciated as a woman and one of the ways is for him to treat me once in awhile and he did! It turns out he had a girlfriend who always expected him to pay for EVERYTHING and after awhile he grew resentful or uncomfortable with an idea that he has to earn for two and liked that I was paying my share.)

I do not feel comfortable having a man pay more than half on the first or any other date. I think it’s a very bad set up for inequality, and for pressure to be more sexual than the woman wants. It can even be a set up for rape. I want it to be clear that I want a 50/50 relationship, from the get-go. If a man feels uncomfortable with this, he’s really not liberated and evolved enough, and he’s not the one for me.

I always gets stumped whenever the check comes and I don’t know if I should pay, or even offer! I always want to pay or at least split the bill or find someway to contribute instead of looking like a freeloader. Glad that you had a thorough answer to this!

Reminds me of a recent conversation at a family meal as my cousin talked about her recent date, let’s just say my poor nan got ever so slightly confused about what ‘going Dutch’ meant on a date, she was appalled we would ever consider it on a first date. The look of shock on her face that we could talk about it so openly in public too! Bless her cotton socks. :P

That´s a good advice but I must say I usually feel very uncomfortable letting pay the guy. Even if someone wants to buy me a shot I insist not to do it. Is that a problem? I really don´t feel nice if a guy pays something for me.

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