Joaquin feared trying to cross southern border

The U.S. border patrol is on maximum alert tonight after warnings that Hurricane Joaquin may try to enter the United States by doubling back on its current track and sneaking across the border from Mexico.

The National Hurricane Center has even suggested that Joaquin could be smuggled across the border hidden behind a benign warm front or masquerading as a normal electrical storm.

Meanwhile, immigration advocates have argued that such concerns are an overreaction, and that U.S. authorities are illegally “profiling” Joaquin because of its Hispanic name, and are taking more drastic measures than they would in response to a hurricane with a WASP-sounding name such as David or Betsy.

Daisy Floss, a spokeswoman for the advocacy group Fairness in Weather Reporting, told the Dandy Goat’s meteorological justice correspondent: “Hatemongers on the right such as Donald Trump have demonized immigrants from Latin American countries and the hate-filled rhetoric being directed against Joaquin is no exception.”

“As you might expect, Fox News is running continuous footage of the storm to cast it in a negative light and in every segment they never miss an opportunity to continuously emphasize the storm’s Latino roots,” Floss said.

White House spokesman Josh Earnest said in the Friday morning press briefing that the Obama administration would strongly oppose treating meteorological phenomena differently according to their racial origin.

“We feel that everyone, and everything, should have the opportunity to participate in the American dream,” said Earnest with tears pooling in his eyes. “We like to think of storms such as Joaquin as dreamers. In their own countries, they could only ever hope to flatten some pathetic shanty towns or flood some relatively uninhabited areas. In the United States, they have the opportunity to hit heavily populated and affluent coastal area and cause billions of dollars worth of damage.”

Meanwhile, Pope Francis, back home in his opulent Vatican City residence after his U.S. visit during which he lectured Americans about the evils of consumption, issued a strongly worded statement in support of hurricanes from poor countries.

“Hurricanes, like all of us, are children of God, created in God’s image,” the pontiff said in a statement released by the Vatican press office. “Who are we to judge them or deny them their aspirations on the basis of racism and prejudice?”