"Hey, how about for our first date, we grab a bite to eat, and then I [vague reference to oral here]." Chances are slim you are going to be like, "Yeah, dude.

You keep sending the same smiley emoji and nothing else, but. A long-winded retelling of how supposedly crazy your ex was warrants a lone “lol” and nothing else. "You just sent me a link on the difference between true craft beer and craft beer posers.

Like a road possum playing dead, I'm just hoping this conversation will hop in its Hummer and drive out of my life forever.

There have been a couple successful matches where we do eventually meet after a few weeks. Then if she says yes say great, get her number and setup logistics.

I still get matches where we can meet the same day or at least within a couple days. A month worth of chatting on a phone app is a waste of fucking time.

And to be totally fair, physical chemistry is still important.16. If he talks to you constantly but doesn't meet up, or have social media profiles, or ever want to video chat ... Start doing reverse image searches (and don't forget to flip the image in case he's doing the same thing to throw you off the scent).

You're lying on the couch in a blissful Netflix coma when suddenly you're hit with block after block after block of run-on texts from a guy about how vinyl "just sounds so different." You try to politely eject yourself, but they're not getting the message. Text: "lol"Translation: "Your sense of humor is GIFs of people getting hurt and trash-talking everyone, and I feel like I'm cringing my way into a bleak abyss."Similar to “haha”, but with a stronger undercurrent of vitriol.

already."By responding to a stream of “jokes” about Kim Kardashian with variations of “ha” “hahahaha” and the ever-powerful “haha,” this is an attempt to bore the texter in question into fading away.

And eventually ask you to "chill at their place." Basically, texting is the worst and no one should ever do it, but since everyone does, here are a few of the vaguest, all-too-familiar texts every woman has definitely sent a guy who is just not getting it.

But if he's describing himself as an "entrepreneur" and refuses to get more detailed or refers to his job situation as "complicated" instead of being up front, that should be a red flag. Either he's seeing someone else and doesn't want to be spotted out with another woman in his hometown, he doesn't see a future with you and doesn't want you knowing where he lives just so he can keep his distance, or he's basically a hoarder and he doesn't want you to see the state his place is in.

If he doesn't have a job, it's understandable that he won't want to lead with that, but if he won't even elaborate when pressed, he either (1) does something shady as hell for a living or (2) is just fine with lying a lot.14. It's one thing if he's being a gentleman and doesn't want you to make a long drive out to see him.

But I want you to know that you did a great job — my friend asked me why I cracked a smile while she was in the middle of venting about her roommate. In the time you’ve written me a mini-novella, I went to the gym and meal-prepped my whole week, so a “yeah I feel that” is all you get. "Translation: "You have no idea how wrong you are and it's kind of incredible."You’re in the middle of mansplaining Hillary’s loss to me again and you just said misogyny wasn’t a real factor. ” may sound like I am eager to hear your opinion when, in fact, I can probably guess what you’re about to say and I’m about to school you on some sexism.