Lesbians Don't Belong at the Mall (Or Football Games)

Attention mall shoppers, what does it take to get kicked out of the mall? Giving your significant other a hug. But only if you're a lesbian. Which seems to be a major problem these days -- in malls, at football stadiums, and beyond.

But let's start with the mall -- where the guards should be toning down those obnoxious teenagers -- shall we?

Caitlin Breedlove says she (gasp!) put her arm around her girlfriend after eating lunch at the Flying Biscuit at the Cameron Village shopping center in Raleigh, North Carolina. Then she moved in for the big moment.

A security guard rushed in to rescue the world from the ickiness. And thank gawd for her because think of the children. They might momentarily have been stopped from shoving a LEGO block up their noses, unable to wrench themselves from the sight of one woman kissing another woman, full lip-on-fleshy-facial-part action.

The mall has finally apologized, but they couldn't have picked a better lesbian to pick on. Breedlove is a gay rights activist, and she's keeping the spotlight on it. Which, in turn, points out these other recent moments of idiocy blatant homophobia:

1. Lesbians Kicked Out of Baltimore Ravens Game: Nicole Marchetto and Mary Kate Morris gave one another a "casual kiss" while they waited for their beer and fries during half-time at the Ravens game. Told to stop, they ignored a security guard because, ahem, all the straight couples leaning in for a peck were being ignored by said guard.

They were then told to show their driver's licenses (to prove they weren't a horrendous hallucination, they were real, live girls?) and kicked out. Both the Maryland Stadium Authority AND the Ravens are siding with the guard. To which the world SHOULD say: Let's go Steelers!

2. Lesbian Kicked Out of a Seattle Mariners Game: Safeco Field was anything but safe for Sirbrina Guerrero when a mom complained that her child was being subjected to watching Guerrero kiss another woman. The woman's actual complaint? That she didn't want to have to explain to her kid why two women were kissing. Apparently it's hard to explain Mommy's a bigot.

3. Lesbian Kicked Out of a Manhattan Restaurant: Just looking butch is bad for business these days. A woman was kicked out of a restaurant in gay town Manhattan's Greenwich Village for "looking too masculine" and choosing to use the ladies' room.

4. Lesbian Kicked Out of a Federal Building. If you plan to visit a Social Security office, just keep your all American free to be you and me-ness under control, folks. Lapriss Gilbert wore a shirt with the word lesbian on it (actually lesbian.com) when she dropped in, and they sent her packing. Let's count the letters, shall we? L-E-S-B-I-A-N. Yup, more than four.