Forgiveness

“I forgive you for reminding me that I sometimes feel devalued, inadequate, and unlovable. I know that I am valuable and worthy of love, because I value and love others. Whenever I think of how you hurt me, I will value someone or something and show love to a significant person in my life, and that will remind me of how valuable and lovable, I truly am.”

I felt the pain of betrayal in my body and soul. I got angry and disappointed for being devalued and betrayed by a dear friend. She made choices knowing they were going to have a profound negative impact in me. She made me feel devalued, used, and humiliated. I lost my good standing, my job and being day to day close to those people I care and respect at work. I cared about my friend but she acted selfishly and egotistically. She didn’t really care and was deceitful, manipulative and abusive. The caring and loving weren’t reciprocal. After years of building and investing in the friendship, I was deceived. The journey from care and admiration to disappointment was not gradual one but more like falling from a cliff.

I didn’t deserve what she did, I know that in my head but needed to process it so it can be healed in the soul. I was faced with the arduous process of ‘healing’ after the mess. Healing that hopefully will take me to forgiveness.

Forgiveness occurs as a byproduct of healing rather than a cause of it