Monday, 15 December 2008

Here I Am.

It seems that no-one understands me lately. So I've started this blog, hoping that it will stop me feeling so alone.I started feeling consious about my weight ever since I started high school. (I'm now in year 11 doing my GCSEs). The friends I made were great, really nice girls, but after a few months of getting to know them, I felt like they were talking behind my back, laughing at me.I always thought I was a average looking girl, nothing particually special, but not ugly either.But as I grew older, and wiser if anything, I started to question my appearence.I lost the self-confidence I had and insted of pointing out the good things that I had, I would notice the bad things.I know that's understandable being a teenage girl but it's what changed me really.So for a while, I stopped eating. I felt there was no point.But after a month or so, I started getting compliments and I felt like the girls were including me more. Like asking for my opinion on things and ask me to sleepover and go places with them.I figured it was because I was losing weight, somthing I definately needed to do (not that I knew that at the time I stopped eating)So insted of being to depressed to eat, I became determined not to eat for a reason, scared that I would become the old me, the one that got left out and laughed at.I also started exercising, something that gave me (and still does) such a awesome rush.But as parents do they got in the way. Saying they were worried about me blah blah, not letting me make excuses to miss a meal. My mother even called my school explaining that she was worried that I wasn't eating, so my teachers started interfering with me, keeping me behind lessons to ask I was ok. I really got pissed off with it.Thoughout the last few years I've been diagnosed with anorexia and been to see about a million doctors who all seem to get more stupid than the one before.But despite my doctors, parents and teachers atempts, I'm still here, with my ED and happier than ever.So screw you if you want to tell me what I've already been told a thousand times before. I really don't care what you think.I'm here 'cause it can get lonely and I'm not the only one who is pro-ana.So if like me, your Ana, and not regreting it one bit, rock on keep fighting.

1 comment:

I've been reading your skin+bones blog and your weight diary. I also just checked out your website. I love it! So well designed and I found the tips and tricks very useful. I love the excuses section. I use the "I'm allergic" one all the time, and I'm not even lying! I'm allergic to like half of everything out there. xD Anyways love blogging but I also thought it would be cool to have a sort of pro-ana email buddy. So we can email more personally and help each other in case of temptation. I don't know if you have a cell, but you can email me at anakatana17@gmail.com for my # if you ever feel like bingeing or just want to check in. I've got unlimited text so hit me up! :D I'm just so tired of not having anyone at close access to talk about ana with. All my friends are VERY anti-ana. This is probably partially due to our friend Nikki who went through it in middle school. Blah. Basically I need some other people around to keep me motivated. What do you say? :)

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"Thank God I have this ugly fat body for which to focus on and hate and spend all my time trying to fix, change, lessen. Thank God for exercise machines, and diet pills. Thank God for weightloss. Thank God I can try and fix the outside because I just know that the inside is beyond repair."