*comes along and picks up her journal, blowing the couple months' accumulated dust off of it before opening it to the first empty page*

OK, now that I've got that bit of whimsy out of my head.... :)

WARNING: This post may or may not include stuff that I've already written about. I can't be bothered (or "arsed", as the Brits say) to go back and look and see if I wrote about any of this before.

Things are... kinda OK right now. I've got a roof over my head, access to endless amounts of food (thus the corresponding weight-gain.... after months of ramen meals, my body is gratefully accepting all the calories I can give it...) Not that I'm overeating, mind, just trying to eat healthily. Which is why I'm not freaking out about the weight-gain. My grandmother's doing enough of that for both of us. (Why, oh WHY is this woman not dead yet?!? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, she's had endless chances.... I should've just.... well, nevermind... ;)) Actually, I should be grateful she's still alive - she's going to pay to have my teeth fixed (which *BADLY* need fixing.... I did a faceplant [literally] out in front of Hillsdale mall, and ended up breaking or at least scratching the hell out of several of my front teeth, which have cavities from hell in them now), but enough about her. *I'm* comfortable at the weight I'm at, more or less.

blackdjinn is back in my life (not frequently enough for this girl's taste, but still and all, beggars can't be choosers) after a..... [let's see.... I was living with Morgan, Monica had been bade adieu, I'd *just* gotten into Oingo Boingo in a big way.... ah, *there* it is....] five year absence. His reasoning for being gone is very understandable, but I'd still like to take some of my ire out on the person who made him feel like he was worthless and no-one cared about him and.... well, made him feel like *me*, essentially. He's been a wonderful friend to me for 12 years (and, believe me, when we got back together that first time after the five-year-hiatus, it felt like no time had elapsed at all).

His (other???? < indicating much uncertainty about the state of our relationship) girlfriend, Rebecca (hell, I call her Bex half the time - another Anglocism run amok)... It's kind of a weird triad we make - Bex is down in LA-la-land, Ryan's in Santa Cruz and I'm in Redwood City. (*waves hi to Phil, if he's reading this - We're practically next-door-neighbors now!*) Ooooh... (distracted by something "pretty") I get to see Ryan on Wednesday! Yay! I also get to get my other tragus pierced on Wednesday.

Oh. Yeah. I've made a couple of changes in my appearance lately - I got my hair cut again (after about three years), so it's back to my preferred length and style - chin-length bob - and I've got two new piercings - I finally got a second piercing in my left ear, and I got a tragus piercing in my right ear, soon to be joined by a matching one on Wednesday. Once they heal up, I'm going to put "nose bone"-style earrings (well, they're not intended to be *ear*rings, but you know what I mean - they look pretty much like normal earrings except that the end is flared, to keep the ring in place) in the holes, just little rhinestones. :)

So what, you may be asking yourself, is the inspiration for these changes? I'm sort of trying to figure out who I am, because I'm *DONE* being the universe's punching bag. Or it would be better to say that I've decided that I'm NOT going to be anyone's victim any longer. I am 38-year-old woman, and I'm finally learning how to be my own person. I haven't quite figured who I am, yet, beyond a few facts:

I have lots of different feelings (including some "bad" ones), and that's a good thing. It's a) normal and b) healthy to have all the feelings that I do, and to express them. It is, however, *NOT* OK to express them in a manner that will be harmful to others.

I am creative.

I am funny, though not always on purpose. :)

EDIT: *glances at the time* Drat. I have to go get ready for my physical therapist's appointment. I'll have to continue this entry later. And I promise I will do so today. :)

EDIT: I *hate* splitting my entries in twain. Grrrr. I was on *such* a roll! I finished what I was saying for that moment, but I don't remember where I was going after I finished... Well, since I can't... I'll either add when I can think of where I was going, or post something new if I come up with something else. ;) Oh! I've thought of something else to say. :)

The title's reference to "Wonderland" is a reference to a song by S.J. Tucker (s00j), Cheshire Kitten:

*hugs* I'm sorry to hear it, but very glad to see you again. :) I'm adding you as a friend, if that's OK with you - but beware, that means you can read *everything*.... Not that I screen my journal most of the time - it's *MY* journal, after all.... if someone else doesn't like it, they don't have to read it. But there are a few entries I've 'hidden' for various reasons.

Totally fine! :) I friended you so you are able to see all my garbage too, lol. I tend to have the same philosophy on my journal. "Hey dude, if you don't like it, don't read. *shrug* YOU came to ME" and stuff and soforth. ;)

So yah, friend away! And many thanks for the hugs. ;) I do think I'm starting to surface a little bit. We'll see how far it gets me.