Sunday, August 26, 2012

Today at church our pastor gave a sermon on community. He talked about how the people in your life can make or break who you are. He used the bible verse Proverbs 13:20 as a reference which says:

Walk with the wise and become wise,for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Well as great as that verse is, the footnotes in my bible made it mean so much more. They said:

"The old saying "A rotten apple spoiles the barrel" is often applied to friendships, and with good reason. Our friends and associates affect us, sometimes profoundly. Be careful whom you choose as your closest friends. Spend time with people you want to be like -- because you and your friends will surely grow to resemble eachother"

This really hit me hard. You see I have a couple close friends here in Texas, and they are all about to leave (the joys of living near a military base). In preparation for this change, I have been trying to put myself out there so I can make new friends. I have been very specific at where I look for these friends. I joined a La Leche League (LLL) Facebook Group for a local group, and went to one of their meetings. I met a very nice woman through them that I am very much enjoying getting to know. I have also been in contact with a Cloth Diapering group that meets once a month for play group, but haven't been able to meet with them yet. But other than that its been church related places. Small Groups or our church Facebook page, play groups, etc.

It is very important to me that the friends I bring into my life are good Christian women. For the exact reason stated in that quote "Spend time with people you want to be like....[you] will surely grow to resemble eachother."

I have spent so much time over the past 3 years becoming a person that I can be fairly proud of, and I do not want to throw that away now by choosing the wrong company. I know how much people can affect your thinking and decisions. As a mother, wife and especially a Christian, I have to stand up for what I believe in. And I need others who will help.

Now don't get me wrong, I definitely do not think that means that I can only hang out with or be friends with "perfect" Christian people. Jesus himself hung out with the worst of sinners. I just think that my closest friends, the people I count on, the people I turn to in times of need, know the Lord. And in the meantime, I reach out to those who may not know the Lord, or who may need love and I show it to them. Having a good backing of friends and spiritual strength will certainly help that.

Friday, August 24, 2012

It is very obvious by now...I am a Christian. And as a Christian I know that I am not to judge. God is our only judge and it is not my place to say what you should be doing, or anything like that. It is my job to love you, and if you are open to it, teach you (still through love). Well I am having a hard time on this subject lately. And it is affecting my life hardcore. I am so passionate about the topics of breastfeeding, circumcision, elective c-sections, etc. When I hear about people going against "my" views on this, I literally get angry. I throw a fit. Get all worked up. Then I have to step back (normally at Charlies encouragement) and realize its not my life, its not my body, its not my baby. And just because I think that its the best option (and have medical reasons to back me up) it still isn't really any of my business. People will do what they will do and bombarding them with guilt, or scary facts is not loving them. So I confess and I am walking away. As best as I can that is. If I know you, and you are pregnant, and I seem a bit distant on this subject and you think that is a little weird, its because I just can't put my heart in it anymore. I will most likely ask once, and depending on your answer that will be the end. But if I see facebook posts that don't agree with my opinion, I am just going to stop looking, not get my heart broken. I promise you though, I have the best of intentions. I love your babies, and I want them to have the best healthiest life possible. Sorry if it comes out condescending or rude.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

There as been a recent uproar against the popular food chain Chick-fil-a because the President expressed his opinion on gay marriage. Let me begin by stating that this restaurant is a fairly well known restaurant that takes a radical stance to have their establishment closed on Sundays (I know Christian bookstores that won't even take this stance). They throw profits out the window as a stance as what they believe in. The president of Chick-Fil-A, Dan Cathy, admits that his goal is to, "To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A." He blatantly states that he is a Christian man and has Christian values.
However, in interviews this week he was asked on his view on marriage, and specifically gay marriage. He holds his stance as a Christian man stating that he believes that we are asking for God to judge us by what we are allowing marriage to be (http://news.yahoo.com/chick-fil-sandwiches-become-political-symbol-203947966--finance.html).

After thinking on this topic all day today, I went back and forth as to what I believe in this. And I finally come to a conclusion of "Bravo". As Christians in America we are allowing our belief's and integrity be stomped all over. As Casting Crowns says in their song "Slow fade", our Christian stances are becoming more and more "gray". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASREBVDsLk)

Cathy is a Christian man and instead of leaning one way to get more profits he stands up for what he believes in and lives by the Bible. I think that Christians and Cathy are in a lose/lose situation on this topic (and other hot topics) because if we state what we believe and what the Bible says then we are "shoving our religion on others" and being "rude". However, if we sit back and don't say anything, then we are hypocrites or compromising our position for money (or whatever it may be).

I am not a regular Chick-Fil-A customer, but that is just because I am not a huge fan of fast food chicken. However, based on the recent news, and the upcoming "Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day" . I will choose to support the establishment more often, and encourage others to do the same.

I love to hear from you. What do you think of Dan Cathy's stance? Will you continue to support Chick-Fil-A?

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

My first free writing blog in a while, and I chose a touchy subject. But I like it. My husband was raised Catholic, therefore he was baptized as an infant. The Catholic Church baptizes infants because they believe that it is a "remission of sin, both original sin and actual sin–only original sin in the case of infants and young children, since they are incapable of actual sin"(http://www.catholic.com/tracts/infant-baptism). They believe that because the Bible never specifically talks against infant baptism and talks on several occasions that "entire families" were baptized, that this is to include infant and children. They want to assure that the infants in their families will be accepted into heaven if, heaven forbid, they were to die before they choose to baptize themselves. Because of this thinking Catholics baptize their children as infants.

I have never seen an infant baptism be
done this way, but its so cute.

I was not raised in the church, and was not baptized as an infant. My mother and father never attended church so I doubt the thought had ever crossed their mind.

When Charlie and I were pregnant and discussing baptism, I told him that I did not agree with infant baptism, and would like to wait until Ethan decides to accept Jesus as his Savior on his own to allow him to be baptized. I believe that children are without sin and that until the age of reason (which is believed by some to be around seven, but I don't believe to put an age on it. God will judge this) if they were to die that God will accept them into heaven freely.

One thing I just can not wrap my mind around is the thought that if you are baptized as an infant you are automatically making it into heaven. The bible is very clear that you still have to make the decision and give your life over to Christ. And I believe that the baptism is "an outward expression of an inward decision." So, this is why I believe that until you make the inward decision, there is no point to make the outward expression. We have a loving God and a merciful God, and I see no proof in the bible that if your baby is not baptized and dies before "the age of reason/accountability" that He will send that baby to Hell forever. It just doesn't fit to me.

a little over the top, but still funny

When I first brought this idea up to my husband, he was a little unsure. Still having the Catholic raising in the back of his head he questioned me, the process and did a lot of research. In the end, he and I decided we would "dedicate" Ethan at our Church. I believe this is as close to infant baptism as I would do. This means that we stood up in front of our church and we said to them, "we promise to be the best Christian parents we can be, we will raise him in a Christian home and we look to you (the congregation) for guidance and assistance." We did this on his 3 week birthday.

I know that their are alot of different belief's on this topic, and I would be interested to hear your thoughts. Do you believe in infant baptism, why or why not?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

1. Become a
mother. And do the best job I know how to do at it. Consult others, learn what I
can learn, make mistakes and grow from that. I pray that I am receptive to the
teachings that come my way, but that I do whats right for my family. I pray that
Charles and I are in unity about all parenting decisions that are made and I do
not "take" over the job. Most of all, when I am unsure of the right answer, go
to the one that has the answer: God. Check. I have the most amazing 6 month old little guy and I am trying my best. Sometimes I "take over" and I am really trying to get better. But I am doing the best I currently can.

2. Be strong and
submissive. When Charles and I got married he made me a promise to be the leader
of this family (as I asked him to be). I have never had a person leading my
spiritual life, and its the best feeling ever, and sometimes its hard for my
stubborn self. So I resolve, to continue to grow in Christ and do what I need to
do to become who he made me be, AND be submissive to the biblical athority that
God has given Charles, and he has agreed to hold. Check? I think I am doing this. Ask Charlie for clarification. I try daily. I fail. I never claim to be perfect, but I am trying.

3. Lose this
baby weight. My family has a hard time losing weight after a baby. We tend to
have a 5 year old (or older) and still blame the overweight status on the baby
weight. My goal is to get to prepregnancy size by the end of the year (or
sooner, but in a healthy way). This resolution has a part two: I would like to
show Ethan a healthy lifestyle as a parent. No eating out. Eating Healthier
around the house. Adding physical fitness to a regular part of life, even just
small additions of walking more. Mostly fail on this one. Where I have lost 40 of the 80 lbs I put on during pregnancy I have not changed my eating habits very much. We eat out way more than "never". Physical fitness is daily on my to do list yet rarely completed.

4. Thrive to be
a better wife. I know that if you ask Charles, he would say that I do a
wonderful job as a wife, and I am glad that I make him happy, but in every job
in our lives we could always do better. And I do not want to become
"comfortable" in our marriage. I want to continue to grow as a wife and as a
couple. Our relationship is fairly new still and has so much potential and I
want to continue as great as we have been so far. Ask Charlie. I strive to continually get better and I do regularly check in with him to make sure there is no way I am failing. He is constantly telling me that he is happy, so who knows, maybe he is. :)

5. Go home. By
the end of 2012 I want to be in a home, that we can call home long term, in
Michigan. Neither of us are "happy" in Texas, and we both want to move. And
Michigan is my home, and after a visit there, Charles agrees to make it home for
us. I miss my sister. I want Ethan to grow up near his 4 month older cousin. This one seems to be falling to the wayside. It is still a desire of ours, but it doesn't seem to be something that will be done this year...We will see what/where God wants to be. And we are happy to follow Him and wait as long as need be to be back in Michigan.

6. Make a
sizable dent into our debt. I do not have unrealistic expectations and I know
that with me not working for a chunk of the new year, and a move deleting our
debt is pretty impossible, but I would like to start 2013 with less debt than we
are going into 2012.Well what can I say to this. Our debt is not getting any worse. We did pay off two of our "Same as cash" things on one of our cards before interest was accured. And we have a plan to get things under control. But with my current work situation we are bringing in way less than we would like, but both believe time with Ethan is much more important than more money.

7. Read more.
Watch TV less. I feel so much better about myself if I spend 8 hours in a book
than if I spend 8 hours watching TV. And I know that when I read more, I read
more Christian Self Help books, which make me a better person. My goal is at
least, AT LEAST, 3 books a month. Thats 36 books in a year. And if even one of
those 3 are a self help book, thats 12 books that I have read that make me
better. Yea....major fail. I have read a total of 4 books this year. Not good, and no excuse why.

8. Continue
reading the bible daily. Over the last 2 years this has been a committment of
mine. And in 2010 I read everyday except, maybe 5 days. In 2011 I hit a rough
patch in my spiritual journey and did much worse off, but since August 1, 2011
we (my husband and I) have read everyday. This is a habit that dramatically
affects my life. I can't (or dont) go off God's course for me, if I keep him in
my everyday life. Not to mention, I want Ethan to grow up and see that his mom
and dad were in God's word EVERY DAY.Win, we have read it everyday....except one last week. Somehow our routine got messed up and we just lost it. However I believe that one day we miss in nearly a year is still a win.

9. Do not eat
the bread of idleness. This comes from Proverbs 31. In God's discription of a
Godly Wife he states that she does not eat the bread of idleness. I fail
miserable at this. I procrastinate, spend way to much time on the computer when
I should be doing other things (like now for example). My realistic goal here
is, if I know something needs to be done, do it. And then play later. For
example, how often do you put off doing the dishes, when in all honesty, it
probably takes 15 minutes to do them (max), and if you just do it. Then you can
enjoy your down time better without thinking the whole time, "Man, I know I
should be doing the dishes", also if you just keep up on things, it makes it so
much easier.Fail. Dishes don't get done as often as needed. Books are not being read. Working out not being done. Ethan getting pushed aside. Facebook and blogging however, are being done. :(

10. Lastly, be
more open with Christ to others. I want to bring others to God, and I want to
be a role model as a Christian for others. I do not want to be ashamed or quiet
about my faith. I want to speak up. Bring others in. So this goal is bluntly,
OPEN MY MOUTH about Jesus.Well....Charlie is doing great about this, so I recently looked at my life and asked why I wasn't doing as good. I realized it is because I don't have people in my life that are no Christians. However, the people that I do meet that I do not know if they are Christians, I make sure they know that I am as well....Sure thats like one in 6 months, but hey.

Well there you have it. Some wins, some fails. Now I need to recommit to do better. Here goes.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Dear Kari,
You did it, 30 day challenge is over (and took 45 days to complete, lol)! While it has been fun blogging each day and having a set topic to blog about, I am excited to get back to writing my own topics again. I would say that some of my favorite blogs were the ones I did that opened my life up a little bit more, and brought God out a lot more. My reflection from that is that I think I am going to continue to keep God in my blog a little more. On the other hand, it was also fun to just do little blogs with just a fun topic. I believe I will do a little of both now.

I am glad to have the guilt gone. The guilt of forcing myself to blog, and if I didn't feeling super guilty. (Knowing me, I am going to start blogging more now that I don't have to). This was a great opportunity and I truly enjoyed the experience. I am happy that it did increase the readers, and hopefully I can keep getting more readers by my more personal and passionate posts.

The biggest thing I would like to make sure I keep in mind though is, this is only a blog. My readers are virtual. My son and husband however are not. I don't want to put anything, especially the computer, ahead of them. So I will continue to blog, and I will continue to give you quality posts, but I will not let it become more important than my men.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

1. I love this verse for many reasons. One, because I have been here. I have wanted to do good, but kept doing bad. It was an internal battle that I was fighting and continually losing. I also love this verse, however, because of the wording. It's so confusing to read until you slow down and read it. I love Paul and how direct he is with his wording too.

15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans 7:15-20

2. This verse gives me so much comfort. When you are tired, weary, or weak, turn to God. He will give you strength you never knew you could have. He will help you through the darkest and hardest times, as long as you focus on Him.

28 Do you not know?Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.30 Even youths grow tired and weary,and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lordwill renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.

3. This is a prayer I pray regularly. We read through Proverbs once a month, and each month when I get to this prayer, I renew it in my mind. I know that I am the type of person that if I have to much, I will not need to rely on God therefore He will not be number one in my life. However if I have to little, I may do things that are also against God. I thank God for giving me "just enough"

7 “Two things I ask of you, Lord;do not refuse me before I die:8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;give me neither poverty nor riches,but give me only my daily bread. 9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown youand say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal,and so dishonor the name of my God.

4. This verse has helped me through some of my darkest times. I knew that no matter what I was going through, if I was called "according to His purpose" then it would ultimately be good.

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

5. Last but not least. This verse is a feel good verse for me. Three simple statements that say it all. "The Lord is good" "a refuge in times of trouble" and "he cares for those who trust in Him" Its just so good.

7 The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him

There you have it, 5 amazing verses in the bible. Its hard for me to say that they are my "favorite" but these verses have definitely helped me in one time or another in my life. I tried to choose ones that were not so mainstream as a way to help broaden the bible verses my readers get to see. My prayer now is that one of these verses touch your heart.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

There are a ton of superficial things that I would change about myself (lose weight, have smaller boobs, lol). I am trying to be better about these things. So two things I would truly want to change about me are....

1. I wish I didn't care what you thought about me. All of you. I want to be liked. I want to be important. And although I am improving, it's still not where it should be.

2. I wish I liked to run. Or workout at all. I hear people say all the time how relaxing running is. How great it is to clear your head. But to me, its miserable. I absolutely hate it. It would be so much easier to get in shape and stay in shape if I have any enjoyment in it at all.

I don't believe either of these things are life changing or anything, but I think it would help me be a better me. I am overall a happy person. And I think I am daily trying to better myself. Thankfully, where I am weak, God is strong. He is shaping me to be the best me I can be, and if that me hates running and still cares what others think, then thats fine by me. Truth be told. I don't need to change anything about me to be happy. I am happy. Truly and completely happy.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

After such a dark time in my life, I looked in the mirror and was mortified. I knew I needed to change, but I was so far off course, I didn't know where to start. So I started the only place I knew how to...in the bible.

Beginning around May 2009, I took this time and read my bible, I read bible studies, and I read a book called "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. This book changed my life. (If you are in a dark time, and don't know how to get back on track, this is the book for you, I can not say enough good things about this book). Slowly I began to change (and by slowly I mean months, possibly years), slowly my thinking started to align with God's thinking.

On January 1, 2010 I opened my bible and read 4 chapters in the book of John. Then on January 2, I read the next 4 chapters, and January 3rd, and 4th, etc. Before I knew it, it was February and I had read every single day in January, then March, then April. I promise you that reading my bible daily transformed my life. It made me on a daily basis think "Have I read my bible?" which made me think of God daily. During the year of 2010 I grew in my relationship with God, which was helping my marriage quite a bit.

Everything changed however in October 2010. My (then) husband left for a school in Virginia, and this time, instead of me, Satan grabbed him. February 2011, my marriage had officially dissolved. And this shook my faith momentarily. I had promised God that I would hang on tight to His word. His promise to me. And from February - July 2011 God and Satan had a tug of war with my soul. I had grown so much in my faith in the past two years that I knew what was right and wrong. But Satan wasn't going to let me go without a fight. He put all the same temptations in my path as was there before. He knew my weaknesses better than me, and he exploited them. Thankfully though I was still close enough to God and His word that I was unable to stray to the degree that I had before.

I praise God for the year of 2010. It was one of the hardest year's ever. It had many many downs but God used this time to prepare me for what was to come. He brought me close enough to Him that I couldn't live without His presence. He never left my side. He gave me a desire for His word so I could hide it in my heart and never be without it.

When I started to stray, he placed the right people in my path to gently remind me of His love. When I looked to men for comfort and love instead of God, he put Charlie right there to catch me. It could have been so many other people that could have hurt me, but instead it was a man that wanted to love God as much I want to, a man who would love me deeply, tenderly and wholely. I praise God for orchstrating my life without me seeing it at the time.

Since August 2011 Charlie and I have taken the time to read the bible everyday as a family (btw we were married on July 21, 2011 and only have missed 1 or 2 days of our entire marriage). We both see (from our previous failures) that God being in the center of our lives is how we keep this marriage pure. It is so important to us we do not allow even a day of failure. Satan loves failure, and if we open that door for one day of missing reading the bible...then we will allow two days, and then where does it end.

Read your bible. It is a life changing task and it only takes a 10 minutes a day. I began by reading four chapters a day. And now a little more, but no more than 15-20 minutes a day. I spend longer than that on Facebook, or writing/reading blogs. It will be worth it, I promise you.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I have been dreading this blog for the entire month. I know exactly what time period I am going to write about, I just am not sure "how" to write it. How much detail to go in to? Whether I should go into detail at all. Its been a battle. I still don't know the answer to it, but I am going to start writing right now and see where it leads me.

I will start with a tiny back story. I was a "Christian" by name only for many years. Sure, I would go to church, and even bible study. But I never really gave my life over to God for real until after 2009/2010. And this was during/right after I hit the lowest low of my life. I was previously married to my high school boyfriend. And our entire marriage was tainted by infidelity, lies, insecurities, control and lots of other evil. This gave Satan the perfect foothold into my life to finish the evil he started. Now don't get me wrong, I am not "blame shifting" here, I accept full responsiblity of my actions. I just know that in my weakness and distraction, I gave Satan the perfect opportunity to plant seeds in my life.

In 2008 he deployed to Iraq and our marriage was in a rough spot as it was. The day he left, neither of us knew how that deployment would affect us. Neither of us were mentally ready face such a challenge. For a couple of months though, things turned around, and I was trying to turn back to God and do good. He was trying to help as well.

But then Satan grabbed a hold of me, and refused to let go....and I didn't fight it much. From the months of November 2008 until May 2009 I was Satan's puppet. I was the perfect definition of a "hypocritical christian". If it was wrong, I did it. I lied. I cheated. I stole. I ruined lives/families. I lived two lives. One life that my Christian friends and my ex-husband knew about. The one where I went to work, came home, vegged out with TV Series. And then there was other life. The one that only those apart of knew about.

During this time, I had blinders on. If I would have looked at my actions I would have known what I was doing was ungodly, it was so ungodly, that the ungodly even knew it was wrong. But I refused to look. I just kept going. I did what I wanted and was totally OK living this lie.

That is, until I was caught. (Isn't that always how it is...) God set it up where I would get caught no matter how well I thought I "covered my tracks". Once I was caught, those blinders came flying off, and I was mortified. I could not believe the things I was doing with no guilt, no shame, and no care. I just could not believe it. I still can not believe it.

I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I became the person I swore I would never be. I did things that I swore I would never do. I was just mortified. I made decisions during this time that were unchangable. And when I was faced with that realization, I realized that I was drowning. I lost my way and I needed help.

Praise the Lord though that when you hit the ground, you have no where to turn but up. And Jesus is always there to grab your hand and help you back to your feet....and that blog is for tomorrow. I will tell you all about how I truly found the Lord and how much it has helped me.