Quoting a series of authentically fabricated sources, Unnews said that Sir Paul initially offered Mills a "nice, sensible walking shoe", but Mills's legal team had negotiated that up to "a durable, waterproofed hiking boot". One source suggested that "with the inclusion of a thermal sock we may be tantalisingly close to a deal".

"Whilst the acrimonious negotiations have been dragging for months and months and months and months and months Heather has finally managed to get them to hike the package up to a nice hiking boot," the fictitious source told Unnews.

Media reports have suggested that (the evil) Heather Mills, 39, was seeking up to three shoes, each to be supplied with a lifetime supply of appropriate polishes and cleaning products. Sir Pauls team rejected these claims "as outrageous" and threatened to have the money grabbing trollop killed.