The Month In Quotes: June 2012

...EXCEPT FOR FLATULENT FOX, THAT WAS BASED ON A TRUE STORY

"It’s just all made up and flagellant." -- Redskins tight end Fred Davis, on a civil complaint against him in court (The Washingtonian)

WE PLAN TO GET A DICTIONARY, IS WHAT I'M SAYING

"We’re going to be aggressive. I don’t know what that means, but we’re going to be aggressive." -- Holiday Bowl Executive Director Bruce Binkowski, on his bowl's attempt to snag better teams (San Diego Union-Tribune)

TOO BIG TO FLAIL

"He weighed in at 291 pounds last week. So I think that is probably a little too big for his legs to carry. We run a lot more than he might have been accustomed to." -- Giants tight end coach Mike Pope, on Martellus Bennett's offseason (ESPN New York)

I STARTED BY GETTING RID OF ALL THE HOODIES

"The university offered me the position of ambassador, which I summarily rejected. I stated I would require being ambassador-at-large, so I wouldn’t be confused with those senior students that squire around the freshmen when they come in at orientation. There’s a lot of ambassadors that run around there, so I wanted to have a different title than that. I wanted to be like Geraldo Rivera." -- Former Florida Atlantic coach Howard Schnellenberger, on his new role with the program (FAU Press)

STREAM OF CRAPSCIOUSNESS

"So we put Ball at safety and then Jenkins and Newman didn’t play worth a d--- and I wish I would have kept Ball at corner for those guys that half a year, because they just played terrible for a while." -- Texans defensive coordinator Wade Phillips, on Alan Ball, Michael Jenkins, and Terence Newman (ESPN AFC South)

THE ONLY PERSON WITHOUT SWAG, ACCORDING TO LES, IS GUNNER KIEL

"Swagger really means style. I’ve never met an Elyria High graduate who didn’t have style." -- LSU head coach Les miles, giving a commencement speech to his high school (The Chronicle-Telegram)

OF COURSE, LEBRON WAS ACTUALLY PRODUCTIVE...

"He gets a lot of criticism just like I do. And I like how he bounced back a year after he got a lot of criticism and came back and got MVP, and hopefully he can get his team a championship." -- Titans running back Chris Johnson, comparing himself to LeBron James (The Tennessean)

WASTED AGAIN AT AGGIEVILLE

"Well, I’ve never redshirted before. This was my first redshirt year. It’s not like they had to fight for it. I’ve got my degree. I don’t see what else there is to do at Kansas State." -- Kansas State offensive lineman Manase Foketi, on Kansas State's refusal to let him transfer (The Wichita Eagle)

CHERRY PICKING SEASON IN K.C.

"I did a study just this offseason about 10-plus-win quarterbacks, which is what you’re defined by. There have been nine of them the last four years that have had two or more 10-plus-win seasons. Matt is one of them," -- Chiefs offensive coordinator Brian Daboll, on quarterback Matt Cassel (The Kansas City Star)

WHEN THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO BURN YOU HAVE TO SET YOUR BED ON FIRE

"Because ‘God’ had told him to set the bed on fire." -- Spokane Valley Deputy Fire Marshal Clifton Mehaffey, explaining the words of Spokane Shock defender Kevin Ellison. Ellison started a fire with his own blunt (Spokesman-Review)

I KNOW WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO, BUT REALLY, QUOTE OF THE YEAR

"I was trying not to squeeze myself in front of women out there. I wanted to pull my pants down and run inside, but I couldn’t do that. When those ants get close to those testicles, there ain’t no laughing about that." -- Cowboys fullback Lawrence Vickers, on a poorly-timed training camp fire ant attack (Dallas Morning News)

THIS PORK IS HAM-HANDED

"If you get an opportunity to go run with the bulls, you do it. If you get an opportunity to coach the University of Arkansas, you're going to go do it."-- Arkansas head coach John L. Smith, on the circumstances of his hire (Sports Illustrated)

YOU KEEP USING THAT WORD, I DON'T THINK IT MEANS WHAT YOU THINK IT DOES

"I’m literally not a drinker." -- Jaguars receiver Justin Blackmon, on his relationship with alcohol, following his DUI arrest (Pro Football Talk)

WELL, DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT. COACHING ISN'T EASY

"Last year we played Mississippi State, and I swear to you there was no difference in our players and theirs. I was shocked. There was no difference. They might've had a little more depth, but across the board our players were about as good as theirs. We played Ole Miss, and we kinda played 'em at a time that wasn't really good for them, and I think we beat 'em by about 24 points and had better players than they did. I was shocked. I would like to say we coached 'em better or we were real smart and pat ourselves on the back, but we had better players than they did." -- Louisiana Tech head coach Sonny Dykes, comparing his team to an SEC program (Monroe News-Star)

THIS IS A REALLY CUTE STORY AND ALL, BUT ISN'T THERE SOME LAWSUIT WE COULD BE FOCUSING ON INSTEAD?

"He had some interest in there just for being a good kid." -- 49ers running back Brandon Jacobs, on repaying a Giants fan who sent him money in the mail (Sacramento Bee)

IT'S A WEBSITE, JOE ... THOUGH I THINK SOME YAHOO DOES PROBABLY RUN IT

"What is Yahoo? Is it a person? I haven't read it." -- Saints interim coach Joe Vitt, on the latest BountyGate news (Twitter)

MAYBE CALEB HANIE WAS A VARIABLE

"This is Charles 'Peanut' Tillman of the Chicago Bears and I'm shocked that you would have a problem like this for your students. The probability that the Bears would win in my opinion is 100%. Please do not and I repeat DO NOT send them home with math homework that is disrespectful to our team, city and our beloved Chicago Bears." -- Charles Tillman, signing the homework of a student with a Packers fan for a teacher (Shutdown Corner)

IN THE SENSE THAT THIS IS WHERE THEY'LL BURY YOUR ASHES

"I'm developing 'Brokeback Mountain' chemistry with the players. I'm just having fun. It feels good, too, to have a fresh start. I'm gonna do whatever I can not only to improve my game, but to help this organization get back to where they want to be." -- Dolphins receiver Chad Ochocinco, on his work with his new team (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

YOU COULD LAUNCH THAT CARIBBEAN BOAT TOUR COMPANY YOU ALWAYS KEEP TALKING ABOUT

"I don't think I really have a choice, do I? Yeah, I'll be here." -- Bears running back Matt Forte, on his contract situation (ESPN Chicago)

If you see a quote that you think should be in the next TWIQ, send it via email to quotes-at-footballoutsiders.com or via Twitter to @FO_RiversMcCown

I think your friend has flawed logic. If Ochocinco was gay, he'd totally be open about it. You don't think he would love the attention? It isn't like he strays away from controversy. I'm sure he'd love the whole "first active player to come out" angle, too.

I love the bizarre accessibility of NFL players these days. Brandon Jacobs hangs out with a little kid, Charles 'Peanut' Tillman writes a note to a math teacher. Maybe this sort of thing was going on when I was growing up an NFL fan in the 80's as well, but I sure don't remember it.

It's funny to watch the breakdown of words that share meaning with 'literally'. When I was younger, it was 'really' or 'seriously' that transitioned meaning from basically being 'literally' to 'figuratively'. Once those words lost impact, 'literally' came into vogue to the point where it often means 'figuratively' in common usage.

This is an awesome collection for June, nice work. I don’t think Blackmon literally mean to say ‘not a drinker’ after that incident.

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