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That above is advice from my friend, Chunks (who I’ve talked about before). Chunks is a pro at getting drunk, so i trust his advice.

Here’s why Chunks says drunk, naked and asleep is a bad combo:

“So, there was this time when I got lucky with this girl I picked up at a frat party (but it wasn’t my frat, it was another one). So we got hot and heavy pretty quick, but after I’d already had, like a gazillion beers.

“So we stumbled upstairs to some guy’s room, and we went at it, and it was great. Then we fell asleep. or I did, I don’t know if she did. And I was all butt naked. And shit, did I sleep! I didn’t wake up, even to piss, for like 10 hours.

“Then I was all groggy, I pulled my shorts on, went into the toilet and whizzed, got kinda dressed, stumbled home, and slept some more.

“Then a coupla nights later, I got lucky again, and we went back to my place. I got undressed, and this girl started laughing – which is kinda embarrassing when a girl laughs at you naked. But it turns out she wasn’t laughing at the size of my junk, but at my butt.

“When I’d been passed out the coupla nights before, someone had come in and painted my butt blue, then drawn a goofy face on it. And I’d been so out of it, I didn’t even know. And since it was on my butt, I didn’t see it the next coupla days when I showered.

“And lemme tell ya, getting paint off your ass is NO FUN!”

Chunks never did find out who did it. Some rival frat guy. (And I’m glad he did – makes me laugh, long as it wasn’t me!)