The secret to dating successfully; Oprah's advice on men

For as long as I have been on this earth, I have never, EVER heard a woman not complain at least once about a man. It’s normal I guess, we are completely different beings and sometimes we don’t understand one another (actually, more like most of the time). Anyways, in an attempt to keep up with what’s trending in love, I began reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". I could not actually finish it! To be honest, I was so bored, that after about 2 chapters, I put the book down and never opened it again. I don’t think the so called “rules” from that book are even close to what real life relationships are about. The content seems outdated, boring and a little bit too traditional. Yikes, if I had a relationship like that, I would be bored and probably living with 10 cats. Yes, of course men and women are different, but that’s the intriguing part about it, our differences; the fact that we do not think the same, or feel the same for that matter is that magnetic force between us which brings us together. Mutual understanding should come from getting to know one another, not by reading a book. Remember, everyone is different! And so is love.

One thing I have never understood about these types of books is the amount of rules we are supposed to learn and follow when we are dating somebody. Why must we wait 3 hours to reply to a txt message? Or ignore their first phone call? Even worse, lie about being busy Friday night, and turning down a sexy, romantic dinner, just because we want to “play hard to get” (only to find ourselves home alone, halfway through a bottle of red and feeling sorry for ourselves). How much longer can we carry on this ridiculous lifestyle??? I know men like a bit of a chase, but we don’t actually need to lie to ourselves and become somebody we are completely not. I played the game so many times, and yes, it can make men want us more, but only for a little while; in fact for the time we should be the most sincere, the time which shows us if there is a genuine connection there. For some reason, most women try so hard when they first meet a man, and they don’t even end up being themselves. They do however end up being a failed impression of what they thought the man wanted them to be. At the end of the day, every relationship reaches the same stages at some point; the ones when the games are pushed aside and the realities of the commitment kick in; plus you can’t fake it your whole life! So ditch the game and the stupid rules or you may lose the man that could have been the special one.

We do however need to keep some mystery about ourselves. We can be subtle and do it in a classy, fun way. The best thing about dating is getting to know the other person, but also getting to know ourselves better. With each new experience, we discover a little bit more about ourselves. Honestly, a guy who is genuinely into you, will not want you less if you are available when he asks you out, or when he calls. He will probably not want you if you call him every day, all day; tag him in all your FB statuses and other “cray cray” habits. I guess it’s not as hard as we think; we just have to be ourselves completely and enjoy the ride.

I want to end this with a few words from the one and only Oprah. xx

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away, if he doesn’t, nothing can make him stay…Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be; if you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is; Always have your own set of friends, maintain boundaries in the way he treats you, if something bothers you, speak up.

A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you. All men are not dogs. You should not be doing all the bending, compromise is a two way street. Dating is fun even if it doesn’t turn out to be Mr Right; a relationship consists of two whole individuals, look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything you need. Never let a man define you“

Miriam

Miriam is the Senior PR & Campaigns Executive for The Stag Company. Originally from New Zealand, she loves fashion, animals, and travelling.