A jug of wine, and thou

If you know your cheap table wines, you will recognize this pretty glass jug.

I won’t name the brand, because I tried the wine and it was awful. To be fair, I am not a wine drinker, so I know absolutely nothing about it. But I’m pretty sure that on the ladder of wine, this is the stuff on the second rung, right above the Boone’s Farm and the MD 20/20.

Anyway, the grocery store where I work part-time in the wine and spirits department recently had this brand on sale for just $3. (Mercifully marked “discontinued.”) I walked past it many times over the course of my evening shift, and I knew that I really wanted to have that amazing glass jug. And eventually it occurred to me that if I saw the glass jug already empty in the Goodwill for $2.99, I would buy it. So why was I even giving this a second thought?

So for $3, I purchased the jug full of wine, tasted the wine (“bat urine,” as Dave Barry once proclaimed, since he is not a wine drinker either), dumped out the wine, cleaned the jug, and I’m now using it as a container for silk flowers and, ironically, faux grape vine. I mean I’m sorry for the grapes who gave their lives for this particular purpose, but in all honesty this company could probably make just as much money selling beautiful empty glass jugs and save the time, effort and expense of making that terrible swill.

I paired my glass wine jug with a bunch of faux grapes just for spite. I’m sorry, grapes, I know it was beyond your control.