Toby Keith Would Rather Get a ‘Root Canal’ Than Attend CMAs

In the punkest country moment we’ve seen in a while, when asked if Toby Keith would be attending this year’s Country Music Awards (November 1), the 51-year-old heel-stomper quipped to Country Weekly on Wednesday, “Hell no, I ain’t showing up. I gotta go get a root canal that day, or something fun.” Which is kind of like snubbing the Grammys, really. Nominated 27 times over the years, Keith’s contention with the awards show is deep rooted it seems, calling it “crazy” that he was nominated this year for pop-crossover barroom throw-away “Red Solo Cup,” that he didn’t even write. Meanwhile, the proud country heart is about to drop his 16th record full of original barroom panache dubbed Hope on the Rocks on October 30. Dig on the lyric video for the beer-swilling words of wisdom on lead single “I LIke Girls That Drink Beer” and some of the minI RIFFs we’ll be rolling out until the record drops:

RIFF: Ain’t goin’ down to the ball in your chariot/This high rise life ain’t for me

Toby Sucks Scrotum Sack

He’s a fucking redneck warmongering, drunk ass, egotistical, pompous ass faggot anyway. If the fucking guy had any frikkin talent in him. He wouldn’t just play three frikkin chords to make him famous….and the guy is a frikkin Juilard Music School graduate? Best music school in the world…and he only plays 3 chords? Hope he didn’t get his music degree playing the same three chords in his one song called I should have been a cowboy…..should been more like…..I should of been a dumb ass…..I can play guitar better than that guy will ever play….and I’m just an amateur musician. How some stupid ass people who know nothing about music will just listen to somebody cuz Nashville nominates him. He’s only top ten, and you think it is because cuz that’s what these producers what you to believe….and you follow him like sheep and buy his shit cuz it’s making somebody else money. Really, I can think of a dozen other country or rock and roll artists, that are alot more talented and sold more records than this guy ever has. He is a no talent flash in the pan….and his days are numbered. When his star burns out…it will be some other top artist….and I’m sure they will be alot more talented than he will. Fucker couldn’t even play a C scale or play a solo to save his own ass. I was playing three cords like him my first week of playing guitar….and you call that talent? Trust me man…I will play way more chords than this guy could ever remember in his life.

Toby’s Ball Sack Smells

Seriously….I have never heard the guy ever play a really good solo. Like the guy only plays at the top of the neck…..ya ever see him play the bottom like a real good musician? Good musicians play all over that fucking neck…..not just the top. Good musician can play anywhere on that thing. He’d be all over that thing. If he really came from Juilard….he would be able to do that….and all he learned there was to play to play at the top of that thing? REALLY? And if he came from Juilard….you would see him play an electric….never saw the guy ever play an electric. Come on….he’s duping ya man.

Kick Toby In The Scrotum Sack

So why the hell have that whole big neck if you ain’t even gonna just play the top half of it. Seriously. Gotta hit them high notes too man.

http://www.songlyrics.com SONGLYRICS

Whoa, my friend, the guitar comments are articulated a bit, but what’s up with the derogatory hate speech? And Juilliard? Where’s your source on that? Better question – what do you think of his career as a lyricist?

Laura Iommi Meems

Flash in the pan???? He’s been around since 1993, puts out a platinum album almost every year, plays to sell out crowds all summer, every summer. He writes most of his own songs. And he speaks his mind and doesn’t cow down to all the liberal assholes in this country. Going to one of his concerts is like going to a party, every time. And you feel like you’ve been personally invited. I’m a musician myself…maybe he isn’t the greatest guitar player ever, but that’s not what he’s known for. He’s known for songs that tell a story, having a great time on stage, and putting on ONE HELL OF A SHOW!!! Not to mention that he’s totally hot – even at the age of 51. I smell a little jealousy here…
So don’t run your mouth off about a “flash in the pan” that’s been around for 20 years, and still going strong. He’ll write more songs in one year than you ever could in your lifetime. When you’re famous, then maybe you’ll have a leg to stand on…maybe

Toby Sucks Scrotum Sack

Oh…how do you like me now….how do you like me now? Huh…I don’t cuz U suck monkey nut. Go fall in love with yourself you narcisist. That’s even if half you dumbass red neck retards know what a narcicist is. It’s like somebody who thinks he’s so good….He’s better than everybody else. Somebody who thinks they are so good, they are in love with themselves….and think everybody else should be too or they’re nothing. Go love yourself….I ain’t buying yer album. How about a real person who isn’t all full of themselves…..give the stage to someone else faggot…..give other musicians some credit….instead of thinking your God’s answer to music. Doppy Keith!!!! Pthhhhhh!!!!

Toby Sucks Scrotum Sack

Sooner like to listen to George Straight, classic like Johnny Cash, Faith Hill, or Le Ann Rimes….way more talent than this dumbass drunk….If I want a beer or a shot Whiskey….and some girl to do it with. I figured it out way before he even wrote that song….I don’t need Toby to tell me somethin’ I knew years ago. See what I mean about him being in love with himself….Oh, I’m so fucking great cuz I was the first one to tell yall I like girls who drink beer. Get over yourself retard….like your were the first, biggest, and best one to ever tell me that? Pu-leaze!

Toby Sucks Scrotum Sack

Besides…sometimes them drunk ones ain’t all that good. Fuckin’ drunk bar sluts who just wanna fucking anybody when they get all loaded up. Like my friend used to say….female mating call….I’m drunk! Just better hope it ain’t with somebody else like my X when she used to get drunk….and fuck around on me at a bar. What about a Christian girl who stays away bars….don’t drink….and stays faithful to her husband instead of some drunk slut playing yer game ass and breaking yer heart? Yeah, you ain’t much fun since I quit drinking huh? Looks like drunk ole Toby fell off the Wagon again…..right back to them drunk ole sluts he loves….Well, it’s yer dick, yer broken heart….and it’s yer sexually transmitted disease if that’s what you want. Dumbass can’t even make up his mind if he wants to stay sober and get a Christian girl…..or get drunk with some cheatin ass bar floozy slut…..you decide….Too much drama….Too much drama. Get the fuck away from me.

Toby Sucks Scrotum Sack

Stay away from the CMA….cuz Toby Keith is fucking gay. Think I’d rather have that root canal than listen to him.

Laura Iommi Meems

Oh, and if you hate him so much, why are you wasting your time bashing him in 5+ posts? And your tag name on here has his name in it? Maybe you want to suck his scrotum sack, and you’re trying to hide it by bashing him! Get a life, get a career, and stop being jealous of someone who actually worked his ass off to make it in the music business. Ass.

The Truth

Goofball, right wing war profiteer douchebag lowest common denominator bag of shit…

bfhbma

he is a democrat who voted for obama

Ushouldgetalife

LOL and there he is controlling his life as he pleases, successful and happy and there you are hunched over your keyboard, beaten and sad.

Laura Iommi Meems

Got that right! Go Toby! Love you!! “He’s a hottie” even at 51!

About Gavin Paul

Gavin Paul is SONGLYRICS' resident Content Guru. Chicago-bred, New York-sculpted, his words and ideas have appeared in publications ranging from Spin and Rolling Stone to The Chicago Sun-Times and Arborist News.