BREAKING: Russell Crowe Proves Existence Of UFO’s Via Twitter

The attached image is taken from a video that Russell Crowe posted on-line via his Twitter account that proves beyond all doubt that UFOs are real. You see, Russell Crowe placed a camera in the window of his office in Australia and set it up to take time lapse photography of fruit bats at night (which actually, already is like hold on a second, what is this now?) and when he went back to review the footage he found three VERY DISTURBING and VERY REAL images of UFOS, DEFINITELY. He posted links to the video to his Twitter account along with thought provoking tweets like “UFO?” and “THESE ARE REAL.” It goes without saying, of course, that when you review some time lapse footage of fruit bats and you find a couple of images in which lights the EXACT SAME COLOR as CAR HEADLIGHTS AND TAILLIGHTS passing across the screen, you know that you have some footage of some straight up alien funny business on your hands. The first thing that you do when this happens, ESPECIALLY if you are an international movie star, is you post them on-line and guilelessly explain that you have captured evidence of extra-terrestrial life because there’s no way that could possibly be embarrassing or make you look like a huge fucking idiot. You were in Gladiator, you’re basically a scientist at this point. Occam’s Razor suggests that the simplest answer is always the correct one, and in this case is there nothing simpler than “this is def evidence of UFOs please RT”? No way, Jose! (Of course, an appealing competing theory is that this is simply Hugo Chavez’s immortal soul leaving this wretched existence and floating across the world for one last vacation on his way to Perfect Heaven. The problem with this theory, of course, is that we know immortal souls are light blue, not red, LOL.) Anyway, congratulations to Russell Crowe on his incredible discovery, and congratulations to the UFOs on being so real, and congratulations to the universe on being so fun and full of wonder/mystery. The truth is out HERE. (Via Gawker.)

I saw a UFO* in Northern California. It was really oddly shaped and flew very low to the ground, heading north. It had red and green and blue lights (not unlike a projector) that would flash weird patterns as it scanned the area, which is how I know it was totally legit. I saw it around 1 a.m. and, yes, I had been drinking wine.

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