Frightened about having another baby after traumatic birth

Me and my oh always wanted a minimal gap between the birth of our children. Our first was born in September and we prior to his birth had discussed waiting around 6 months to try again. It's important to both of us that bubs are born as close together as we both grew up in big happy close family's.
Our son Elliot was born on the 13th sept 2014, I laboured on the day my induction was booked for so laboured naturally. Baby's heart beat kept dipping but after the head prick tests and monitoring they allowed me To labour. At ten cm they took me to theter to push (because of the complications in labour apparently) and tried to assist him with ventouse. After a while his heart stopped and I ended up being knocked out and given a emcs (not enough time for spinal) my lb was born still and ended up on a ventilator for 8 days unable to breath for himself. Anyway, after going for a debrief with the consultant, a c section was called for at 2am! I delivered him at 7,25am! I had no idea I needed a c section until they was prepping me! It turns out the doctor didn't call for the registrar and I was left with a baby fighting for his life for 5 and a half hours and I was non the wiser! Needless to say I have made a massive complaint and am waiting for the neonatal team to get back to me to confirm whether or not my sons birth condition was caused by their lack of care.

Anyway, my question is, how on earth can I have another baby when I can't trust the doctors to do what's right. We had decided to try again In April but the thoughts of his birth are making me not want to and the thought of that happening again is actually getting me down. It's really getting to me when all we ever wanted was a big family. Xxx

Comments (16)

Can totally relate, my labour started ok but baby got stuck and ended up in theatre. I'm waiting for a De brief but am also scared of it all happening again. I don't know what to suggest other than maybe asking for closer monitoring throughout pregnancy and when labour starts. Could you ask for an elective c section this time given your reasons? Xx

Aww Hun sounds like it was an ordeal for all of you. Have you asked your HV/GP about counselling to talk about the birth and see what they can do to help you? Sorry I'm no expert but didn't want to read and run xx

Oh god I would hate another c section! It was alful I had to have 4 transfusions after and I ended up with septicaemia. I haven't seen a health visitor since Elliot was two weeks? Are they suppose to come to you? I'm on the list for post traumatic stress counselling but it's taken ages xxx

Board hopping, but had to reply. I found myself in a similar position to you when my son was born in 2010. Waiting whilst he was resuscitated after being born by ventouse was the longest few minutes of my life. My husband ended up with PTSD about it and it took over two years to convince him to have another.

We were offered an elective c section, as I'm sure you would be too. My daughter had other ideas as it turned out -my waters broke the evening before my c section, we went to the hospital but by the time we got there I needed to push, 3 pushes later and she was out. I couldn't believe that 2 labours could be so different (3 hours of pushing with my son)

You can insist on a c section after a traumatic birth, your obstetrician would probably recommend it anyway. The birth trauma association website has some useful info too. You can also ask to meet with a midwife to talk through your first birth which may also help.

I think I feel more robbed of the natural birth as I was so close to having him. My partner thinks scheduling a section would be easier but the aftermath of this one gas put me off. I know all labours are different :) it's a hard one, it's like falling of a cliff then going back to stand on the edge. Do you take the risk? Xx

I have a gap of nearly 5 years due to a traumatic labour & delivery with my first lg. I kept putting off having another child for 4 years until I ran out of excuses & said to my husband we could try again. I got pregnant straight away & had a complete melt down. At my 12 week scan I had a debrief with a consultant & midwife & was referred for birth counselling. It was only during this process that I realised how traumatised I was & despite a fantastic midwife doing the counselling & therapy I felt that it was best to have an elective c section. I have to say that even though it didn't all go completely to plan ( spinal & epidural didn't work & I had to have a general) if I was to have anymore children I would have an elective c section any day. I felt that this time round I was in control, something which I most definitely was not the first time round & I am no longer terrified of giving birth. Sadly at the age of 40 now I feel that I am too old to have anymore children & wish I hadn't put off talking to the hospital for so long. Not sure if this helps but I just wanted to let you know that I understand. Xx

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