Tuesday, July 22, 2014

It could be better

I
watched a recent episode of Extreme Weight Loss. At the beginning of the
episode the girlfriend was not happy about her partner losing weight. She was comfortable
the way they were and afraid of what else might change in her partner. She was
more concerned about her own status quo than the health of the one she claimed
to care about. Perhaps she couldn’t fathom that beyond the unknown of change
could actually be something better for the two of them. The fear of losing what
she loved is exactly what caused her to lose it in the end.

I’ve
been there probably more times than I’d like to admit. I wonder how many people
have watched me make decisions based on fear that ended taking me right down
the road I had been trying to avoid. How many times has God reached out his
hand and said, “Trust me. You can’t see the other side, but I promise it’s
better” and I’ve pitched my tent right at the bottom of that mountain only to
get pummeled by the avalanche? How long have I wandered in the wilderness when
a little more faith than fear would have taken me into a promised land long
ago?

I’m
learning.

The
other day I had a conversation with a friend about a lack of deep friendships,
distant family members and feeling lonely. She admitted that while she desires
meaningful relationships she often pushes people away and keeps them at arm’s
length. Being asked to open the door, she responds politely through the
screen. Perhaps she doesn’t see her value. She could have more but stays with
none.

I’ve
been there too. How many friends have I lost out on by living in fear of
losing? Wanting to be loved and known and yet the fear of being not-enough,
not-chosen or rejected was stronger. The known comfort of being alone and in
control kept me from risking something momentary for something amazing.