Face it, what else out there that can even come close to matching the experience of seeing a restored print of The King of Comedy? It's my favorite of His films. (Not His best -- that honor goes to Casino -- but my favorite!) It's about a guy who loves Jerry Lewis so much that he decides to kidnap him?!

It has yet to be announced if any of the principles will be in attendance for the screening. Geez, it's DeNiro's festival. You'd think the least he could do is put in an appearance. Just in case, I put together this script -- Bob couldn't ad lib a fart at a chili cook off -- for Rupert and Jerry to punch up.

Robert DeNiro: Well hi, everybody. This is Bob DeNiro...

Jerry Lewis: ...and Jerry Lewis.

RD: We'd like to tell you all about our greatest and funniest picture for Marty.

JL: Of course you mean "The King of Comedy."

RD: Oh, but of course. Y'know, Jer, I can't remember the last time I had so much fun making a picture.

JL: Boy, I'll say. How 'bout that scene where I backhand Sandra Bernhard for duct-taping me to a chair?

RD: Yeah, and what about the scene where you're walking down the streets of New York and get kidnapped by a strange, and I do mean strange man who turns out to be me?

RD: Flat? I've never seen lighting look that way before. Crazy, man, crazy!

JL: I'm generally prone to incessant bragging, folks, so don't be surprised when I tell you "The King of Comedy" is the funniest picture either of us has ever made. No kidding! It's got 109 minutes of rejection, isolation, schizophrenia, and more heartwarming entertainment than you and the family ever saw.

RD: You'll love Jerry and me in "The King of Comedy"

JL: No doubt about it, Bob. This is the most marvelous picture Marty ever made. No kidding, it's sensational! Take my word for it, c'mon and join the fun, see 20th Century Fox's "The King of Comedy."

RD: Was that alright, ya' matzoh-noshing bastard?

JL: One frame of KOC offers more to look at than all of "Sliver Linings Playbook," ya' greaseball mook!