Tagged: boots

Another day closer to Christmas, another day I’m shocked at the injustice that I don’t wake up to a pile of presents EVERY day. Here’s part two of 25 things that I will accept as gifts. There’s still time, people!

One of my absolute favourite Swedish exports (after ABBA and one of my best friends), since its founding in 1996, Acne has become a go-to for their jackets. The classic, shearling collar and pale pink biker jackets have all been a permanent fixture in my ‘how much money could I get if I sold my kidney?’ daydreams for the past few years. I love this oversized flight jacket, I generally always go for jackets at least one size up, I generally always wear bodycon skirts or skinny jeans so larger proportions on top balance this out. Also this looks warm enough that waiting for a night bus on New Years Eve won’t make me want to open a vein in the bath. Good times!

I love a shirt dress. This collarless printed bad-boy ticks all the boxes. Oversized enough that you can layer underneath for winter, or avoid drowning in your own sweat in the summer, formal enough for work but comfortable enough for a hangover. The only thing I’m not mad about is the asymmetric drape hem, which I am already having premonitions of having to constantly fish out of the toilet/tube doors, but if you’re not an idiot like me, this Ann Demeulemeester-esque piece is defs a winner.

I’m generally very fussy when it comes to shoes. First rule, always boots. Any heel that isn’t wider than one inch causes ‘creative differences’ between me and gravity. Second rule, always black. No exceptions. I love the chunky heel on these, statement/metal heels have become a catwalk fixture for the past few seasons with the highstreet going particularly mad over them (I had a great pair pair from Zara with a silver chunky heel…obvz someone homeless is wearing them now after I left them on the nightbus…). I’ve mentioned before that I’m not the tallest tree in the forest, but the heel on these is just the right height for a confidence boost without making me feel like I’m in bad drag.

Zara is somewhat renowned for its ‘interpretations’ of designer wear. The menswear in particular has taken a fair few Givenchy-print bullest to the face over the past few seasons, and the structured boxy shape of this bag is definitely reminiscent of Givenchy/Alexander Wang. Which isn’t a bad thing at all, especially when you don’t have £800+ spare change knocking around in your back pockets.

I’m currently sat at my desk at work trying not to be sick all over myself and others. I’m convinced these are my final days. As I approach death, the light in my eyes dimming and my heart grudgingly sputtering along , here’s a load of reet nice things that would make me feel 100% better.

Popes aren’t famed for their outfit variety. With Pope Benedict the XIV’s abdication being the first for over 600 years, the next Pope to have his name pulled out of the Goblet of Fire could really make his mark by being a bit more sartorially adventurous.

This outfit repetition throughout history is, frankly, a bit embarrassing. Here’s Pope Paul III and Pope Leo X, hundreds of years between them yet they appear to be wearing the actual same outfit. Awks.

However, I did find one shiny beacon of Pope-hope, check out Justinian I here, he appointed three popes around the year 500, very Dolce and Gabbana SS13.

If only Benedict XIV had stuck around a bit longer, Gok Wan could’ve thrown him through the haberdashery at John Lewis like he does with everyone else, cries of “whack a belt around it!” and “bangers!” ringing in his ears for years after. . I suppose it’s like a lot of jobs, in that you have to hand in your uniform and name badge when you leave. Does he actually have any clothes of his own other than a nazi uniform? I’m guessing he doesn’t have much, which leaves the door open for a whole lot of shopping. Hopefully he can take inspiration from my lovingly created post-papal moodboards:

POPE ON THE TILES

CASUAL POPE

V.I.POPE

Now this is definitely a hard look to beat. What could possibly replace this lovely smoky handbag? This is also a very important health message about the dangers of being at a club and trying to hide your lit cigarette in your handbag.