I don’t know what to title this…

Posted on August 14, 2017

This post is going to be different than previous posts, mainly because I don’t have a plan for it. I have so many things running through my head and I need to sort them all out, but I feel like there is a need to make some things public so you all aren’t in the dark about what’s happening in my life. Fair warning, a lot of this may just be me rambling. I’ll try my best to make it cohesive because there is a purpose for this post, but I’m also probably going to just be writing for the sake of sorting my own thoughts out. You’ve been warned.

I’ve been candid about a lot of things on social media. I try to be as transparent as possible because I think it’s important, but I do keep some things private because I’m not in the business of being negative or complaining about things. It’s not my style.

All of that being said, the last few months have been very very hard for me personally. Over the past few years, I’ve gone through a lot of stuff. I’ve shared some of those things on a surface level, but the impact these things have made on me are far deeper than I’ve shared or even realized, myself, before the last few months.

While good things have happened in the last couple of years- becoming a mom, moving to Tennessee, landing my dream job, etc.- there have been a lot of challenges. I don’t want to list everything off at the risk of sounding like I’m wallowing, because I’m not. I understand I am very lucky to have the life I have; however, that doesn’t negate the fact that there are some things that I really need to figure out and work on because, to be honest, I am drowning.

I am constantly feeling the pressure of being the perfect person in every facet of my life and it is exhausting. I love posting videos. I love writing blog content. I love working out. I truly enjoy all of these things. It is exhausting, however, to give 100% of my effort and time into something and feel like it isn’t good enough. This isn’t even just about my channel or my site. There are things happening in my real, personal life that leave me feeling like this as well and I am tired.

Being on social media is hard. I’m sure it sounds like a total first world problem (because it is), but it isn’t easy. And sure, I did it to myself. I chose to put my life out for people to read and see. It is so easy for anyone, however, to focus on what social media shows us without realizing that it is total bullshit. People share the good things. They share the pictures they look good in. They share the vacations and the good food and the happy things. No one shares the real stuff. No one posts their face the morning after a night spent crying. No one posts anecdotes about how they want to sometimes just run away and never come home because parenting their child has turned into a nightmare. No one posts pictures of themselves at an unflattering angle without some sort of “LOVE YOURSELF ALL THE TIME SEE I HAVE ROLLS TOO” agenda. While those posts are great, my point is that, if someone shows something negative, there’s always a positive agenda behind it. Being positive is important, but a lot of times it’s just not real life. AND THAT IS OK.

Perhaps the most frustrating part about this is that I KNOW these things and I still get wrapped up in how perfect my life needs to be because of the things that I see. How insane is that? It’s because competition is in my blood. My whole life I’ve always wanted to do everything and be the best and whatever I did. Half the reason I’ve gotten into some of the things I do is because I see someone is good at it and I just want to be better than they are. It’s so stupid. It’s taken over my life and it’s come to a point where a lot of me doesn’t even know what I actually like. I do things I’m good at because I’m good at them, but do I even LIKE doing them? I really don’t know. And it’s that need to be perfect all the time and not even knowing if I enjoy the things I feel like I need to be perfect at that has just completely drained me.

I don’t feel like doing anything. I function because I’m a creature of habit and I have responsibilities and a routine. Get up, workout, get dressed, get Maddie ready, go to work, pick her up, go home, cook dinner, put her down, go to bed. It sounds productive, but it scares me because I’m only productive out of necessity. I am so tired that I go through the motions and I can pass myself off as a functioning adult when, on the inside, I’m shut down.

So why does this matter to anyone? Well, honestly, it’s personal enough so I really shouldn’t care what other people think. I do know, however, that there are a lot of you who keep up with my content. I want to say that I 100000% with every fiber in my being appreciate you and everything you do for me and my blog and my channel. It is incredible to me that so many people care about what I have to say and that’s a big part of the reason why I’m writing this post. Let me make it clear that I am NOT going away. Like I said before, I enjoy posting content and that’s not something I want to give up. I do think, however, that it’s important for me to cut myself a little bit of slack and figure out how to not be so damn hard on myself. Part of that is going to be allowing myself to relax a bit with the Carrie Crista brand. Like I said, videos will still be posted, blogs will still be written. I’m not falling off the face of the planet or anything, but, as I navigate through the things I’m dealing with in my personal life (there is a lot more than even what I’ve written out today), I’m asking for a little bit of patience and grace.

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Erin

August 14, 2017 at 4:17 pm

It’s a turning point when you realize you advance because you are good at something rather than because you want to do it. Within the last year, I’ve realized I pursued jobs because I could advance…because it would look good on a resume….because who turns down a great opportunity….rather than because I truly wanted it. It’s empowering.

carriecrista

August 23, 2017 at 6:12 pm

Definitely!

Louise

August 18, 2017 at 2:31 am

You must take care of yourself before you can be able to take care of that lovely little person who follows you around tugging on your pants legs and on your heartstrings. We will be here waiting until you can be back. Take good care of yourself.

carriecrista

August 23, 2017 at 6:12 pm

Thank you for the support!

Natalie

August 18, 2017 at 4:28 pm

Thank you for your post.
Just wanted to say you are appreciated
And I totally understand the need
For privacy and grace. I need it too. And sometimes the hardest thing about
grace is receiving it but I thank
God He is patient with us.
Sending so much love your way!

carriecrista

August 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm

Thank you Natalie!

LAURA

August 23, 2017 at 4:33 pm

I WAS JUST THINKING OF YOU THE OTHER DAY, AND I’M GLAD TO HEAR THAT YOU ARE SURVIVING 🙂
I LOVE WATCHING AND TRYING A LOT OF THE THINGS THAT YOU SUGGEST, AND YOU HAVE HELPED ME GREATLY WITH YOUR PASSION FOR SO MANY THINGS CARRIE. SO, I KNOW IT MAY FEEL AS IF YOU WERE “GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS OF LIFT” (and let me say i’ve been there) – THAT TIME ALSO HAS SERVED A PURPOSE FOR YOU THAT GOD ALLOWED TO OCCUR.

I, YOUR FANS, AND THOSE THAT KNOW WHAT A “REAL” LIFE IS MADE OF WILL ALL STILL BE HERE FOR YOU – NO MATTER WHEN OR HOW LONG IT TAKES; KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS AND THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT TO VENT OR JUST TO THINK OUT LOUD WITH SOMEONE ELSE,,,I’M NOT SURE WHY BUT WOMEN REALLY BENEFIT FROM THAT, I BELIEVE.
AS FAR AS I’M SURE YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU WENT INTO ON HERE, I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. AS I HAVE THOUGHT SO MANY TIMES OF SHARING MY EXPERIENCES WITH CHRONIC ILLNESS, AND MDD (MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER), I ALWAYS WITHDRAW FROM REACHING OUT.
THESE THINGS I KNOW WILL BE A CONTINUAL PROCESS TO DEAL WITH, AS GOES LIFE, BUT YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE WITH YOUR LITTLE ONE AND YOUR MARRIAGE, NOT TO MENTION A CHANNEL, BLOG AND SO MUCH ELSE YOU DO – IT ALWAYS AMAZES ME THE AMOUNT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH. BUT, YES SOMETIMES AS WITH DECLUTTERING YOUR HOME, PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO STEP BACK AND DECLUTTER YOUR LIFE. AND KNOW PLEASE, THAT’S JUST A GUESSTIMATE ON MY PART, SO IGNORE IF I’M WAY OFF 🙂

TAKE A VACATION FROM YOUR BUSY LIFE, AND NEVER FEEL GUILTY – IT WILL ALL STILL BE HERE WHEN YOU RETURN AND THEN WILL WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE STOCK AND SEE WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY, AND THAT SWEETIE IS WHERE YOU CAN SPEND YOUR TIME

LAURA

carriecrista

August 23, 2017 at 6:11 pm

Thank you for your support! It means a lot <3

Behind the Blogger

Carrie Crista

I like being active, nature trails, a good liquid lipstick, and writing things in pretty handwriting.