I need all three variants of these to show up on the same page while guaranteeing that only one of them will load per page(ex.)

(if: $straightforward >= $cute and $straightforward >= $cool)[Full disclosure, I literally never do stuff like this, but I just feel like we clicked right off the bat.]
(if: $cute >= $cool and $cute >= $straightforward)[I usually don't do stuff like this, but I'm... excited. ]
(if: $cool >= $cute and $cool >= $straightforward)[I'm usually super busy, so I'm glad we could find time to hang today.]

In some instances, it's working and only one of them shows up. In others, I'm getting multiples at once... any ideas how to limit it to only one at a time?

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you need to tighten up your conditions. Maybe use the (else-if:) macro.

(if: $straightforward >= $cute and $straightforward >= $cool)[Full disclosure, I literally never do stuff like this, but I just feel like we clicked right off the bat.]
(else-if: $cute >= $cool and $cute >= $straightforward)[I usually don't do stuff like this, but I'm... excited. ]
(else-if: $cool >= $cute and $cool >= $straightforward)[I'm usually super busy, so I'm glad we could find time to hang today.]