Student in search of cutlery in the Commons nearly chokes on chicken

Last week, freshman Dina Eetsfast began the process of suing Dordt College Dining Services after an incident involving a knife and an undercooked chicken.

“I was just eating my half-cooked chicken breast one night,” she reminisced, her face growing darker as she considered the horrors of that fateful evening. “It was a sunny evening, a good time to walk to the Commons to eat dinner with my friends. Unfortunately, everyone else seemed to have the same idea.”

Dina had to stand in a long line for her undercooked chicken and overcooked carrots, and she was then forced to wait for an awkwardly tall guy to move out of the way so she could get some fruit. By the time she and her friends were ready to sit down, the silverware was gone.

“There were just… no forks. None,” Eetsfast said. “It was a disappointing moment for me. I really expected better.”

But after waiting in line for so long, Eetsfast would not give up that easily. She would never let such a small setback ruin her dinner.

“I basically said ‘screw it’ and grabbed a knife. They’re not gonna give me a fork; fine. I’ll innovate. I’ll work around what I’m given. I’ll think outside the box. I just didn’t expect it to cause so much pain,” she said, with a single tear falling from her left eye.

The knife lacked proper sharpness and the chicken was not cooked enough to cut it into pieces, but Eetsfast again got creative. She stuck the whole chicken breast on her knife and bit off pieces using her large and strangely knife-like teeth.

But out of nowhere, the grease and butter lathered on the white meat caused the chicken to slip off the knife, and she felt her life flash before her eyes as the entire piece of meat slid down her throat, choking her.

“It was so sudden,” she said, weeping.

She added that some good did come from the horrible event. “I’m thankful my boyfriend was right there to give me the Heimlich and save my life. I’m so blessed to have him. We’ve already been dating for two weeks and I think this really sealed the deal.”

Eetsfast hopes to win the case in order to bring to light the issues surrounding student dining and the dangers of cutlery shortage.