I haven’t misplaced anything today, but I know I will at some point. This week? This month? Definitely this year, and probably more and more as the years go by. It got me thinking about misplacing things, and what I might be able to do about that.

Based on these thoughts, what can I tweak about my life? Maybe I can pay closer attention to incidents of misplaced things and other action slips over the next few weeks so that I can see where the gaps are….

I notice that even when I’m fuzzy-brained, there’s a part of me that observes it curiously. Even when I move slowly, tired, there’s a part of me that savours it. Even when it’s like there’s a big fuzzy blanket on my mind, there’s a tiny part that looks forward to being able to think about it.

I like having that little observer, the one who turns all sorts of things into learning experiences. I wonder how I can get even better at this.

In terms of drawing: Sometimes I feel a little odd circling around similar thoughts, like what to do when I’m fuzzy. But it’s okay to do so, especially if doing so clears away the surface thoughts so that I can notice little things to be curious about.

In terms of writing: If I have a bunch of posts scheduled, then I tend to skip writing when I’m fuzzy. But maybe that’s when I should write, so that I can remember what that fuzziness is like and dig into it deeper. There’s plenty of information out there already, so it’s okay for me to take some time to explore the things I haven’t figured out myself – even if they’re simple for other people.

In terms of learning: I like reading research. I pick up tools for understanding, and I can place my experiences within a bigger context. The more I read research, the easier it gets. I tend to be more interested in research than in popular science books or other non-fiction these days. Maybe it’s because the abstracts for research are so concise, and the occasional full-text article that I get to read goes into more detail than books usually do. Hmm, maybe I should learn more about the library’s research resources…

In terms of self-observation: Stoicism talks a fair bit about this. It might be interesting to make myself a reflection guide to use especially when I’m fuzzy. Even if it means reviewing the same thoughts, that should be fine. After all, the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius works well despite – perhaps even because of – the repetitive exercises.

What would it be like to have this part of me even further developed? I imagine being able to keep my calm in trying situations, and to appreciate life as it comes. I imagine being able to notice the tiny new things in each rotation. Even when I walk in circles, I can go somewhere new.

Low energy both physically and mentally today, but I managed to squeeze in a 90-minute walk that included the library and the supermarket, so my walking streak continues. I can feel the fuzziness start to encroach, so ah well. Time to indulge a little. Aside from the walk and the usual chores, in fact, I spent practically the entire day playing Ni no Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch.

I like playing role-playing games, particularly ones that are forgiving enough to let you restart or change your mind if a battle’s too much for you. I enjoy watching the story unfold, and I like slowly getting the hang of the battle system and character development.

I prefer turn-based games like Persona 4 Golden where you have a little time to review the situation and think about what you’re going to do. But Ni no Kuni is such a pretty game – gorgeous visuals and sound (Studio Ghibli! the Tokyo Philharmonic!) – that I’m working on getting the hang of the real-time battle system. I expect the game to take me a while, though. This is good, because I happen to have said while.

There are many things I could do with my time, and I’m sure they’ll rise higher on my list after I settle in. There’ll be time enough for other things.

I’m feeling a little more clear-headed at the moment — not as fuzzy-brained as before. Well, there’s the slight matter of my ongoing cough and congestion, so I’m not quite all the way there, but I can think more easily than I did last week.

Cycling through different mental states (normal, squirrel, fuzzy, etc.) in quick succession has been helping me get better at differentiating among them, and I’ve been thinking about how I can make the most of them. In particular, I’ve been thinking about the consequences of considering one or the other as my “default” state, or of getting rid of the notion of a default state altogether.

If I think of clarity as my normal state and fuzziness as a short interruption, then when I’m sharp, it makes sense to make the most of it, and when I’m fuzzy, it makes sense to do the background work that will help me make the most of my next sharp period.

If I think of fuzziness as my normal state and clarity as a gift, then when I’m clear, it makes sense to invest a lot into building the systems, habits, and skills that would make fuzzy times even better. I’m not sure how probable this is, but I’m leaning towards it being likely, even though I tend to remember my past as clear. I’m basing this on the fact that many people around me have reported being relatively slower compared to their younger selves, possibly due to age and circumstances. On the other hand, I know a few people who are older than I am and who seem to be accelerating, so there’s something to be said for that.

A mix of both strategies seems to make sense. I can spend some time putting the infrastructure in place to do well during fuzzy times, and I can also take advantage of quick sprints to make things happen when I have a clear idea.

When I’m sharp, that’s the time to lean in on health and systems and skills, the time to act on ideas and explore questions, the time to come up with lots of ideas and define tasks that I can do while fuzzy. It’s important to write, too, so that I can remember what it’s like to be sharp.

When I’m fuzzy and don’t feel particularly like pushing, that’s a good time to focus on self-care and close relationships. It’s okay to relax, to observe, to explore.

One of the nice things about being fuzzy is that it’s easier to explore alternatives and develop skills; it’s all right to do something you’re mediocre at when you feel mediocre at everything, or too fuzzy to do things you’re normally excellent at. <laugh>

And there’s always the philosophical practice at being patient and dealing with challenges… It’s good.

Hmm. What’s a good way for me to tell whether I’m under-preparing, over-preparing, or getting the balance right?

If I under-prepare for fuzziness while I’m sharp, then when I’m fuzzy, I’m stuck with low-value activities like video games. This is okay, but with some thought, I might be able to tweak it to get more value.

If I over-prepare for fuzziness while I’m sharp, then I’m missing the opportunity to build momentum and get stuff done.

If I under-prepare for sharpness while I’m fuzzy, then when I’m sharp, I end up spinning my wheels or doing things that I could have done when I was fuzzy anyway.

If I over-prepare for sharpness while I’m fuzzy, I might prolong my fuzziness or feel bleah.

Hmm. It might be interesting to revisit my notes on the kinds of things I can do when I’m sharp and when I’m fuzzy (High energy and low energy activities). That might help me detect if I’m using my sharp time well.

Also, it’s okay not to totally optimize this. =) I can be a little inefficient.

There’s definitely more fuzziness in my future. It might be interesting to graph this to see when I’m majority-sharp and when I’m majority-fuzzy, but even without those patterns, it can help to start slowly thinking about how I can make this better. Hmm…

Still fuzzy-brained yesterday, so I took a break from sleeping and playing video games in order to read through the stack of books I’d checked out of the library. Hooray for the library. If I had to make the buying decision for each book, I would have nowhere near this number and diversity.

Reading while fuzzy works surprisingly well. With a sharp brain, sometimes I get impatient with books that cover the same ground as other books I’ve read, or books that aren’t particularly relevant to me, or books that don’t have quite the right feel in their writing. I think: I could be coding or writing or figuring things out myself. With a fuzzy brain, I can take things more slowly.

While filing them in my outline, I noticed that I had a bunch of other raw book notes: not pretty ones with doodles and colours, just index cards crammed with writing. I figured I’d post those too, since I often search my blog for things I remember.

I’m recovering from a sore throat and a cold, among other things. If I want to, I could spend all day in bed or playing video games (or playing video games in bed). That’s where my mornings have gone, actually, since I’ve been letting myself sleep in until I feel rested. There’ll be time enough for getting more things done. For now, I’m taking it easy. There are lots of things I can still do with a fuzzy brain.

Instead of getting frustrated with myself, I find myself curious: what’s the difference between this and what I would consider my normal state? Is it a gradient or a sharp transition? Can I influence being in one or the other? And it’s good to know these signals and tripwires, too. It means I know to stay away from big decisions or judgments, from making commitments, from writing code that other people might rely on. It’s also a relief to see that life goes on.