I’ll be honest, I’ve never been comfortable with people who take pride in the history of their family, especially Americans who claim that they’re descended from the Pilgrim Fathers. It all sounds a bit chippy to me.

I find pride a bit odd because none of us ask to be born and we have no part to play in our history. however, that's not to say that it's not amazing and awesome. My great-great grandmother (French side of the family) was a rampant bigamist. (Actually, I think my Great-grandmother was too. All quite worrying).

but a few years ago we had a call from this guy we didn't know and it turned out he was my dad's cousin. He's an OBE, edited The Guardian was president of the NCJ or whatever it's called. We're all paupers so that a surprise. Anyway, he was writing a book about the family and wanted help. I read it and it was pretty interesting,I found out my nan was a smoking hot model who looked like Marilyn Monroe, one family member was sent to Canada as she was an old crazy drunk and a shame to Ireland or something, she set up a nunnery and it was quite famous for one reason or another. A great-grandparent was a bigamist. Um, I forget what else. My dad was a session musician in the 60s so he's in the book too but the interest stops at him. I think everyone has a cool family tree, it's just finding out about it.

Just think, our relatives will know EXACTLY how cool and interesting we were by way of the DiS archives of Morning threads.

Although I've no interest in my family tree at all, it was fascinating working with these really old documents. Favourites:

- The indentures of ownership of a sugarcane plantation in Jamaica which, amongst the list of owned possessions, gave the names of ~250 slaves
- The records, casenotes and photographs of a mental asylum. These were pretty grim: young women with post-natal depression, people who were just a bit 'glum', etc, being electrocuted for their own benefit. Every patient file had a photo. Those images still haunt me.
- Wills! Wills of farm hands and labourers dating back to the 1500s! Wills where the mother of the family left everything to her oldest son because the other children 'are licentious and of loose morals, liable to squander my chattels for nefarious fun'. Wills where the register refers to 'a woman of ill repute.' WILLS!
- An entry in a register of baptisms c. 1750 for a woman named Fanny Candy.

If you've any interest in family history at all, track down the wills. They're so fascinating and tell you much more than a register of baptisms and burials ever will.

I am the only male blood descendent of any of my grandparents. THE FAMILY NAME RELIES ON ME! (An adopted cousin is the only other male, who will probably pick up my slack, and adopting is my sister's only option, seeing as she can't have kids, but everyone knows that girls don't count anyway.)

I know of nowt prior to the late 19thC, other than a photo of a man, in a hat, on a horse. I'm not that keen on horses. And my head's normally too big for hats.

but most got punted out to a craggy outpost in County Donegal by King James I's land grab in 1601. My Granddad was from County Donegal, so I've assumed that our forebears were among them, but have been too lazy to actually do anything more than a cursory internet search. So, yeah. Fuck the monarchy etc.

when he was 21 the wife of the local headmaster took a liking to him, and was apparently extremely persistent in her chasing of him.

this was inconvinient for him (she was 42!) but not yet a catastrophe.

then one night, the huband of this woman was playing cards, gambling after hours in the local pub when he had a heart attack.

the other people present didn't want to admit that he died while engaging in two illegal activities so they threw his body in the canal. however, after his body was found,rumours started going round the villages that my great great uncle had bumped this bloke off so he could get with the wife !

meanwhile, she's now a widow so starts chasing him even more.

so my great great uncle gets given £700 by his mother, and told to run straight to the nearest port and get a boat to america, saying that in new york there would be plenty of irish people who could help him start a new life. this was in about 1922 so it was the same as about £25,000 today.

while he was there he set up a speakeasy! and it went extremely well for a few years. then someone from where he grew up went over to new york and ended up inside. when they went home again they went around telling everyone that they new where charlie byrne was! so the woman (by now about 47) hops on a boat to new york and found him! anyway, she carried on her pursuit of him, and he gave in and they got married.

Jhansi having taken place on 23 March 1858.
Sir- 4th of June about 3 o'clock in the evening I ordered my ayah to get
water ready to bathe my little boy, so she put everything ready and came to
me. I took my child and undressed him to bathe , so I heard the sepoys were
making noise.
I sent my ayah out to see. She told me the sepoys are running up to the
Magazine with their guns. Soon as I heard this , I took my boy quite naked
to Mrs Newton's house. Mr & Mrs Newton took their children to Dawk Bungalow.
I was not able to keep up with them , I turned back to the Post Office, so
the Baboo gave me a chair to sit down, and ordered his chuprassee to fan me.
When I came to my sense he sent his chupassee with me to my bungalow. Soon
as I came to my place, I sent my servant to the office to see where is Mr
Mutlow and brother. He seen no one there, he turned back and told me that
everyone went up to the Fort, and the sepoys were firing their guns to
everyone they see, so no one was killed that day, and I was still in my
house with my child.

So Mr A Skene heard of me, he sent his two servants and chuprassee to take
me up to the Fort, so I got in the Fort about six o'clock in the evening
and met with with my husband and brother in law there , and remained in Mrs
Blyth's room that night and the next morning. Mr A Skene and Mr Gordon went
to the Ranee, and got about 50-60 guns and some powder and shots and balls,
and she sent about 50 of her own sepoys in the Fort to assist us, and about
12 o'clock during the day they killed those gentlemen who was with them and
commenced burning the bungalows and speared Mr Taylor, belonging to the
Cavalry. So he galloped his horse and came to the Fort.
Soon as the Ranee heard of it, she got all her sepoys joined with the
regiment , so we changed our clothes that night and wanted to get out of the
Fort, but was not able, the sowars was around the Fort, so we kept there
Friday night , Saturday, Sunday, Monday about 8 o'clock in ht morning, Mr
Gordon was shot, that regiment Subadar wrote to Captain Skene to come out of
the Fort, that we will not kill any of you-- we will send you all to your
own country, so Captain Skene wrote to the Ranee to tell the sepoys to take
their oath and to sign her name on the letter. All the hinddos took their
oath, if any of us touch your people just as we eat beef, and those
mussulmans took their oath , if any of us touch you just as we eat pork- and
the Ranee signed her name on the top of the letter , and it was given to
Captain Skene.
Soon as he read the note everyone was agreed to it, some of us changed our
dress, some was with their own dress. Soon as we came out of the Fort the
sepoys came and put their guard around them, I was out of the guard with my
ayah, they did not take notice of me. I told my ayah to take me to her
house, she said they will kill her she brought and left me in the Jokhun
Bagh, in those Hindoo grave is made is made like a house, I remained there
for about a month.
I gave my earring to that gardener to get something for me to eat, he
brought chunna flour and made rotie, so I lived on mowah and chunna for some
time, so Dowlutram came from Saugor and heard of me, he came to me that
very evening and prepared everything for me and saved me from those sowars
who came from Saugor.
>From the month of July this man gave me to eat, he used to get me wheat and
rice, ghee and when he is not able to go to Bazar, he use to give me ready
money, and he gave me a female to do every business for me, and used to
give me rupee per month, and 4 annas for house rent every month, and I sent
Dowlutram twice to Saugor., He was caught twice on the road, those letters
come to Jhansie to the Ranee and she was looking out for me and Dowlutram.
So Dowlutram hid himself and hided me and two children. It was the Ranee's
orders if any on catch us going out of town she will give 100 Rupees as a
present in those days. Ganeshee Lall used to write to me to come out of
Jhansie, I was very glad to leave the place, but there was a sentry on every
gate. No one could go out without the Ranee's order and no one was so brave
as that to get an order for me to take me out.
Guneshee Lall wrote to me to go to Seith's place, that he will take you out
with his family . Soon I seen his letter, I was so very glad and send
Dowlutram to go to the person and ask him if he will take me with his
family. Dowlutram went and asked him, he was not willing said he, will be
find out if he do so.
So I tried my best to come out of Jhansie , but was not able to get out on
account of the doors, I suffered a great deal in this Jhansie, lost my
husband and brother in law and all my property, and turned as a beggar, only
to save my two children. Now its masters will do some good for me and two
children.
I have no one in this world now except master.
I have one sister in Rangoon in the 84th Regt, Mrs Susan Leary, and one
sister was sin Nagode in the 33rd NI, Mrs Agnes W Carard. But I don;t know
where they are now. My father in law and mother in law is in Vellore,
queen's pensioner Mr Mark Mutlow.

Yours

Mrs C Mutlow

(true copy)

Sgd A R E Hutchinson , assistant in charge of Residency.
The original was written down by the despondent herself.
Signed R N C Hamilton A G G .

Don't know too much about my father's side of the family, other than my grandfather being a high-up in some career to do with electrical engineering off in the colonies somewhere, but my mother's Northern Irish and apparently in the hometown our family used to be fairly well off, built the market hall and all. Then our wealth was all pissed away by a generation of alcoholic entertainers/comedians or something.

Don't know much else aside from that. On reflection, it's not especially interesting.

my mum's been doing this genealogy lark for decades, she's managed to get as far back as the 1600s, I believe. rather patchy the further back she's gone...a friend of mine decided one day to do his on a whim, went online and had centuries worth in a matter of days, the smarmy git.