Shitload

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Fig. 1.1 - Practical Application: There are a "Shitload" of people staring at this picture.

A Shitload is considered a base unit for quantity, much like the foot or the metre is for length. It is represented by the symbol '$' in the scientific community. This should not be confused with the dollar sign (also '$'), though in most cases they have the same meaning in application.

Though once believed to be a representation of varying quantities due to differing opinions of different individuals, the Shitload has been discovered to be a fixed quantity based on the principles of quantum mechanics and some other stuff. A Shitload is one of the SI Units, and can now be defined as units, or 8326400000, which is considered by many as a comparatively large number due to the fact that it is the approximate number of times that have been spent on the toilet since the beginning of the common era. Though on that basis it seems that the number always increases, it is important to keep in mind that this number will come to a halt in December 21, 2012, where the 2000% increase in shit rates during that time period have also been incorporated into the calculation. This is not to be confused with the fuckton, which is on a much higher order than the Shitload.

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The term 'Shitload' was like many other things, formed in Ancient Greece. This occurred when the physicist Archimedes was spending some valuable time on the oval office. Frustrated at his moment of constipation, he ran around naked in the streets swearing at everyone he saw, for whatever reason. It should be noted that this was the second time he had done this, with the exception of swearing. The first known application of the 'Shitload' was when the Greek Law Enforcement had caught up with him. Thus, somehow, the 'Shitload' was created.

Fig. 1.3 - The grey area indicates the overall acceptance of the term Shitload by the 1900s. The blue area does too.

The 'Shitload', in a more pleasant manner, phased in and out of society through time. In the less pleasant manner, it started spreading by the mouths of society, moved through the unimportant bowels of society but was never permanently absorbed, only to be disposed of by the assholes of society some time later. Why? Because they're assholes.

This continued occurring through the course of time, as 'Shitloads' were never truly defined beyond "lots of stuff" until just recently. Also, as it is a unit of measurement, it was not popular in the early stages as not much of the general population gave a damn or knew much about Science. It may have been magic or nothing, and truthfully, a 'Shitload' of arcane energy sounds less aesthetic than it does "I'm going to cover you in poop. Lots and lots of magic sparkling poop. HA HA HA."

Eventually, the term managed to spread globally, most probably due to the population believing that the magic poop was real due to a significant number of people dumping waste products out of their window into the streets in some developing nations. Either that or there really wasmagic poop, which we honestly would all rather believe to be true. Soon enough, the 'Shitload' was the most commonly used term in the 16th-18th century, with 70 different languages to its name.

The above quote was mentioned by the famed 20th century physicist Albert Einstein in 1921 after winning the Nobel Prize for Physics. Einstein had immediately noticed the importance of the 'Shitload' as a standard quantity in his work on General Relativity. It also had some derivations in Quantum Mechanics.

Eqn. 1.1 - Shitload / 2 = Half a Shitload

Equation 1.1 shows the modern day arithmetic properties of the 'Shitload'. However, in the 1900s, the top geniuses of the time would have labelled you as insane for even thinking that. "Half of a Shitload is still a Shitload" is a famous quote from quantum physicist Neils Bohr, who may or may not have contributed to the discovery of the element Fartium.

Adolf Hitler stepped into the play when he heard of this conclusion. He felt compelled to disagree as this would have disproved his plans to decrease the Jewish population by killing a 'Shitload' of them. Hitler then used petty excuses such as "unresolved issues" to begin World War II. Japan had decided to join in too because Hey, why not?

Einstein had become greatly aggravated by the war. When the war had ended in 1945 (where of course 'Shitloads' of people had lost their lives), Einstein put his foot down and started working tirelessly for the next ten years to define once and for all the true definition of a Shitload. On the 18th of April 1955 (when Einstein goes to a happier place), Einstein published his last scientific journal to the world where he managed to describe the 'Shitload' in one anti-climatic sentence: "A pretty huge number."

"No Shit!" the world replied, and the world got its answer. The answer was that it was a really big number, and it had no actual shit in it. This was to be the turning point of the 20th century.

Today, in the 21st Century, we now define one Shitload ($) as units. It is unknown where this number originated from or how it was calculated, but the United Nations agreed that controversy over the actual value was far too much that any value seemingly large would have been agreed on. For mathematical comparison, you have currently read approximately 0.00001% of a Shitload's worth of words.

A close relative of the 'Shitload', in terms of both Mathematics and Language, is the fuckton. The fuckton however, is not a base unit like the 'Shitload', but is instead derived from it such that [1 fuckton = 1 ].

A 'Shitload' is impressively both a base unit and a vector quantity. Although it is rarely used on global-scale Physics due to the magnitude of the number itself, it is widely used in the fields of astronomy. For example, it has been calculated that the giant hypothetical asteroid/planet which will mess up the Earth in 2012 will cause three full 'Shitloads' of destruction. The meaning of this is unknown to anyone who is sane, but many can be sure that that must be "a pretty huge number".