5 Alternatives to Walking Down the Aisle With Dad

It is your big day – walk down the aisle in whatever way makes you feel special.

By Lisa Ingrassia
lisa ingrassia

Planning a wedding is not for the weak or timid. You have to deal with crazy relatives, friends who are not invited yet think they are, and figure out how to plan for a couple hours of your life without spending your entire savings account.

It is a daunting task, and even more exhausting if you are a fatherless bride. Just like a thief in the night your grief sneaks up on you and has a way of making what should be some of the happiest moments of your life the saddest. Checking out possible wedding locations, meeting with vendors, and even trying on your wedding gown are sometimes reminders that a person of significance is missing. Whatever your relationship is with your father a wedding tends to magnify it. There will also be the awkwardly painful but well-meaning questions: "Are your parents excited about the wedding?", "Does he get along with your dad?", "Will your dad be walking you down the aisle?" or “What kind of flower will you be pinning to your Dad’s tux?” Resulting in moments when the grief is so painful that you find yourself downing in enormous waves of grief.

For the blushing bride who is about to walk down the aisle, there are endless exciting details for the big day. Flowers, venue, dress, music, the list goes on and on. It's all rainbows and unicorns with endless tears of joy. But for the bride without a father, there is another kind of tears. Many times there are no words, just a tremendous hole in her heart that aches. It is such a massive void that tears often accompany the happiest moments of wedding planning.

Fathers are such a significant part of a bride’s wedding day. Perhaps the biggest role is that the father of the bride walks the bride down the aisle, giving her away to her new husband. But what about the fatherless brides? Below are some suggestions from one fatherless bride to another.

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Walk down the aisle with your Mom.

Your mother played an equally important role in the woman you are today. This is a wonderful opportunity to truly thank your mother for being there for all those practices, competitions and field trips. Your mother is your guiding light, even more for a fatherless daughter. They are the lighthouse at the edge of the seashore always calling you home, welcoming you with open arms defining true, unconditional love. Along with Dad, Mom is your biggest cheerleader throughout every single stage of your life. Mother’s sacrifice so much to raise a family; they guide their children through life providing a perfect image of what to look up to.

A mother is a daughter’s wind beneath her wings, showing her right from wrong, encouraging her to walk in faith, and teaching a daughter the value in respecting others, but also herself. And perhaps the biggest bonus is you are the only person who knows the sounds of her heartbeat from the inside. Having Mom walk you down the aisle is truly a brilliant way to honor the most important woman in your life.

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Walk down the aisle with your grandpa, stepdad, uncle or brother.

If you father is not present this is a way to recognize the other men who have influenced your life. Being a fatherless daughter can often be an emotional, exhausting journey. Throughout this journey we tend to get caught up in the moment and forget to say “thank you” to the brave, courageous and bold male figures who stepped in for Dad. These prominent male figures auditioned for a role that was impossible to fill and did their best to shower you with warmth, love, kindness and joy during the darkest moments of your life.

This is a great way to thank that male figure who let cared for you while knowing your heart is shattered. They decided you were worth the risk, showing you love when you were unlovable setting you back on your feet, right side up. Perhaps it was your dad who asked them to step in, or maybe it was out of the kindness of their hearts, either way by acknowledging them, you are recognizing their value and importance.

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Have your new father-in-law walk you down the aisle.

This might be an appropriate “replacement” as he will now be your father-in-law. Your new father-in-law played a major role in raising your new hubby, helping mold him into the man he is today. On your wedding day you will take sacred vows, promising to do everything to be a daughter he would be proud to have. You will vow to give everything in your heart to the son he adores so much, to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health.

Walking down the aisle with your new father-in-law is a beautiful way of honoring the love your future husband has for his father. Your father-in-law may be the groom’s father and you may not be related by blood, but this is a way to demonstrate how you would like to be his doting daughter too. You are about to embark on a new chapter in life and this is a charming way of uniting two families into one.

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Walk down the aisle with your dog.

Because we all know Fido is your rock and loves you unconditionally. A dog is man’s best friend and you are their world. A dog is companion that will be loyal to you until they day that they die creating an incredible bond that can never be broken.

From the moment you take Fido home an inseparable bond is forged resulting in an immediate furry best friend. Fido is the one you turn to when you are happy, sad or angry. Even in the darkest moments Fido puts a smile on your face, weather it is playing with his bone or barking at some random guy on TV, Fido finds the fun in every little thing, encouraging you to do the same. Fido is also a great teacher, he has taught you the meaning of faith and trust, patience and hope. Throughout the ups and downs in life Fido is your constant, giving you something to hold onto, keeping you whole and balanced.

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” Roger Caras

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Walk down the aisle alone.

If you are a strong, independent woman why not walk down that aisle solo making a grand entrance. Walking down the aisle alone will make a dramatic statement that you are doing this because you wholeheartedly want to. The groom can even meet you half way down the aisle and hand you the bouquet symbolizing that this is a day to celebrate your love.

Marrying someone you love, honor and cherish is a way of honoring your Dad. Your father would want you to be happy, and he would want your wedding day to be a day of celebration and laughter. Even though you’re are physically walking down that aisle alone, your father will be right next to you, from the way your relatives look at you, the way you smile, and even that cool breeze that gives you goose bumps.

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Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Normal life is messy, complicated and sometimes heart breaking. These are just a few suggestions of who can walk you down the aisle, although there are countless suggestions especially if the wedding is not in a location where tradition is expected. Despite what all the wedding magazines claim, real life doesn’t take a break for weddings. Life isn’t rainbows and unicorns and sometimes you will need to cry when you want to just be happy, and that’s okay. It’s okay to cry because you miss your dad…even while you are planning your wedding, even on your wedding day.

Lisa Ingrassia is a freelance writer who writes regularly for BeliefNet, Her View From Home, The Mighty and also blogs for the Huffington Post. Fun fact: Lisa is obsessed with her Boston Terrier Diesel.

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