My husband is so wonderful, yet I am so frustrated with his Capgras Syndrome that I blew up yesterday. He keeps insisting that "The Other Guy" (in reality ME) who has his car keys is going to steal his car. I keep assuring him that the "Other Guy" gave me his keys and they are safe. He keeps rummaging through our files to find his car title. He has already made a copy and put it in his briefcase. All I hear about morning noon and night is his car. He wants to sell his car and buy 2, one for me and one for him. Additionally the "Other People" are stealing money from his wallet. I made the mistake of giving him money because he wanted to pay for gas and incidentals. The money is spent but to him it is stolen. Boy have I learned from my mistakes. Everyone tells me to redirect and I can't. It's impossible, I can't get him interested in anything. Even the mention of good times, grandchildren, etc. is short lived diversion.

So, as I was crying last nite for him with his disease, who comes in to console me??? Of course I spologized up and down and even had a hard time facing him. He is always telling me things will be alright. This is what I should be telling him, yet he catches me crying, He has been so calm and I'm a wreck.

Thanks for letting me talk. We do attend support groups, but I don't know how we're going to survive this disease.

Ann, Devoted wife of 30 years to 69 year old husband with PD, LBD and Capgras

_________________Ann, Wife of Beloved Husband 70 years old, with LBD/Capras Syndrome and Parkinsonism.

Sat Jul 12, 2014 6:55 am

LTCVT

Joined: Fri Jan 15, 2010 9:33 pmPosts: 3441Location: Vermont

Re: Guilty Caregiver

Ann - maybe it's ok to cry in front of him - if he was showing empathy towards you, that's a good thing, right? We can't stay strong all the time, and whatever you are doing, you are doing your best, so please don't beat yourself up for being emotional in front of him once in a while.

When my mother died very unexpectedly, my dad was a wreck, for a long, long time. I felt like I could never cry in front of him or it would make the situation worse for him. He'd unload on me about how depressed he was, how much he missed her, etc. and I was always trying to reassure him. One day I was incredibly sad too and I cried in front of him. It kind of shocked him out of his depression and he seemed better able to handle things after that. I think it let him know that the rest of us were having a hard time too, that it wasn't just he who was still shocked, angry and incredibly sad that my mother died such an untimely death. It seemed like it helped him heal some.

Sending you a big hug - take care of yourself! You have a very tough job to do! Lynn

_________________Lynn, daughter of 89 year old dad dx with possiblity of LBD, CBD, PSP, FTD, ALS, Vascular Dementia, AD, etc., died Nov. 30, 2010 after living in ALF for 18 months.

Sat Jul 12, 2014 12:18 pm

AnneN

Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:10 pmPosts: 88Location: Canada, Ontario

Re: Guilty Caregiver

Hi Ann; Don't beat yourself up, we all do the best we can. My husband and I have cried together from time to time about this evil disease he has. I think the fact that there is nothing anyone can do to make the situation better and that the person with the disease knows each and every decline that takes place and the caregiver has to watch the person they love change. This is not an easy time in our lives but it is a time that, with the help of God, we will get through. Anne

Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:53 pm

AnneN

Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2014 11:10 pmPosts: 88Location: Canada, Ontario

Re: Guilty Caregiver

Hi Ann; Don't beat yourself up, we all do the best we can. My husband and I have cried together from time to time about this evil disease he has. I think the fact that there is nothing anyone can do to make the situation better and that the person with the disease knows each and every decline that takes place and the caregiver has to watch the person they love change. This is not an easy time in our lives but it is a time that, with the help of God, we will get through. Anne

Sun Jul 13, 2014 10:53 pm

amjam

Joined: Wed Jun 25, 2014 11:24 amPosts: 117

Re: Guilty Caregiver

Dear Lynn and AnneN,

Thank you for helping to ease my pain.

My sympathy to you both for all the sadness you have endured.

_________________Ann, Wife of Beloved Husband 70 years old, with LBD/Capras Syndrome and Parkinsonism.

Mon Jul 14, 2014 6:06 am

janpot

Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2014 4:33 pmPosts: 26

Re: Guilty Caregiver

I just came across this post. I remember the night when he was so lost in who I was. In the living room I was me for a while. He asked if I was going to sleep with him tonight? I said, of course. I do every night. Then we went to get ready for bed, teeth, pills, potty, etc. When I came into the bedroom he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I asked him wasn't he going to get into bed? He said he was waiting for his wife; she said she was going to sleep with him tonight. I said,, honey I am your wife, but of course, I was gone again in his mind. He had tears in his eyes as I climbed in beside him which made me cry. And yes, he comforted me! Even if I wasn't me. Last night before dinner he asked if we were going home, a frequent question. I said, honey, we are home. He said he has so many homes that he wasn't sure where he was. I get up most morning early to have time for myself, to regroup if you will. I read my daily devotions and thank God for the strength and patience He has given me for yesterday and ask for the strength and patience I will need for the new day. And He blesses me each and every day with that. Without that, I would be completely out of it.

Tue Jul 29, 2014 9:30 am

ChocoMare

Joined: Wed Nov 13, 2013 3:30 pmPosts: 116

Re: Guilty Caregiver

Add this to your morning quiet time... a section a day. It's by Octavious Winslow from the 1800's, so you must read slowly & savor it. Many times his writings have left me in tears on my face.

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