Pocket Pool

Posted: 05/08/07

Due to the social nature of the game, video game interpretations of pool tend to feel like they should be a free download, even when they’re done right. So how do you make a sub-par pool game more attractive? By adding half-naked women, of course. Lots of half-naked women. Photos of women in lingerie; videos of women taking their clothes off; and even images of women branded right into the felt on the table. Pocket Pool for the PSP is based on the ridiculous premise that gamers will play for hours on end, as long as they can get steamy media as a reward.

Pocket Pool has a staggering 13 different game types, offering classic 8-ball and 9-ball games, straight pool, blackjack, and even snooker. The rules are shown for each mode, and unless you’re an expert on the subject, you’ll be surprised by just how much variety a pool table has to offer.

Before you start to play, you’ll also choose a guy or a tramp to represent you in the game. A still headshot is all you ever see of each character, and the only other purpose he or she serves is to add “personality” by repeating the same cheesy one-liners, turn after turn. Most of the girls are fairly attractive, but the guys look like the typical lot you’d find in a smoky pool hall. It’s as if the game anticipates the kind of guy who would make this purchase and tries to convince them that scoring chicks through playing billiards is totally possible.

If the girls are what you’re after, the first thing you’ll notice is that, out of the box, the media gallery is 100% empty. If you want the extra content, you need to win games. There are 29 pages of images and video to unlock, but you may be rewarded with a different colored cue instead. Even when the game does slip you a couple suggestive pictures, it only unlocks one or two at a time, which means you’re better off playing another kind of pocket pool to get your kicks.

There is a multiplayer mode, but both players need PSPs and copies of the game to participate. Seriously? This is a turn-based game. Why can’t two people just pass the handheld back and forth? Sure, Pocket Pool may be all about playing with yourself, but that’s no excuse for such a lame oversight.

The wide selection of game modes helps add some variety, but it’s all in vain since you can’t enjoy the game with a friend.

It should come as no surprise that a game relying on strippers and a funny title doesn’t have the best gameplay, but Pocket Pool is surprisingly bad.

The camera is the biggest frustration. You can switch between multiple angles, but only the overhead view lets you see the whole table. When you step up to make a shot, the camera usually points in the wrong direction, forcing you to sluggishly turn it back towards the action. And after you make a shot, it follows the cue ball instead of the target ball, which can prevent you from seeing whether your shot went in or not, which is kind of important when playing pool

Since you’re stuck in single-player most of the time, it would help if the game had decent AI, but the opponents in Pocket Pool are totally inconsistent. They may run the table with one turn, but then not be able to sink the 8-ball to save their lives. Worse is that the game forces you to wait several seconds while your opponent is “thinking,” which is obviously just a way to mask load times that have no place whatsoever in a pool game.

You would think a game that asks you to play over and over to get new content could at least be an enjoyable time-killer, but games of Pocket Pool are annoying and downright boring.

Pocket Pool is just another miserable attempt at using sex to sell a terrible game. While there aren’t many billiard options for the PSP, pool fans should look elsewhere and avoid the embarrassment of their girlfriend catching them playing with it.

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