Cat Constantly Late for 3AM House Scamper

TULSA – Local American Shorthair cat, FlufferNutter or ‘Fluffs’ as she’s affectionately referred to by her owners is taking heat from all sides for her recent tardiness on the job and may be at risk of dismissal. FlufferNutter has neglected her duty to scamper wildly from room to room at approximately 3’oclock AM daily, which was shown among recent housecat statistics to be vital to any functioning household. Experts were asked what made this task so vital, but could not be reached for comment as they were licking themselves.

Like so many other cats, FlufferNutter is beginning to feel stretched thin in the cut-throat business of house catting. Most cats are expected to take care of early morning house scamperings, demand feedings by batting at their owners’ faces, and allow owners to pet them approximately 3-4 strokes before biting. All this comes in addition to 18-21 hours of sleep, not to mention occasional “gifts,” traditionally either half-eaten rodents or puddles of vomit. FlufferNutter’s increased workload has kept her from providing her personal specialty: chewing and regurgitating houseplants.

Many cats like FlufferNutter are demanding an increase of food, treats and toys for their overtime work, and, in some cases, organizing with other like-minded felines. FlufferNutter herself has written a scathing expose titled ‘Meow’ which can be found scratched into the back of her owner’s favorite recliner.