Life Advice

“Staying focused and effective in business under extreme external pressure?”

When I asked what he meant by “extreme external pressure”, he said:

“[An] ex-wife who burned everything down. Ruined my closest business and personal relationships, and put me into complete financial ruin. With intent. So deep DEEP financial and personal stress has left me flailing and I am a month and a half into my first real opportunity for recovery. I feel a lack of clarity as to the best course of action to push my head above water for good. To focus on the work (which I am damn good at) instead of the stay alive struggle.”

Damn.

This one hits close to home for me.

My pain was dealing with feeling like I’d abandoned my oldest son when his mom and I got divorced coupled with this gnawing feeling inside of me that I was meant for more than pizza boy or telemarketer.

It’s hard to keep focused…

And, not let these things consume you.

But, here’s what I do.

I just keep saying, “Left”.

That might not make sense, at first, but let me tell you where it comes from. As you may know, I was in the Army for 10 years. And, during Basic Training, one of the final “events” before you graduate is a road march.

What they don’t tell you is it’s meant as a test of your mental toughness.

We’d done road marches before, but nothing like this.

We were up and marching before the sun came up and we marched long after the sun went back down. In full combat gear, 40-pound rucksack. At about hour 3, the straps from the rucksack started to feel like knives slicing into my shoulders.

By hour 5, I was arguing with myself about quitting…

And, getting recycled all the way back through the 9 weeks of Basic Training.

By hour 7, I didn’t even have the energy to do that.

At some point, my mind just stopped. All the false motivation, all the little “tricks” to get myself to keep moving, all the debating… it all just stopped. And, all that was left me and the next step I had to take.

Yes or no.

Yes or no.

Yes or no.

For hours.

And, what I did was I just kept saying “Left” every time my left foot hit the ground, just like we did when we marched in formation. “Left, left, left.” And, I just focused on that. That one next step.

And eventually, it ended. We rounded the corner to an open field.

There was a big bonfire waiting for us.

We took off all our gear.

And, celebrated because that was our last test.

And, that’s it. All you can do is focus on the very next step in front of you. People make the mistake of thinking focus is about will power. It’s not. It’s about motion. You take one step, the next one becomes more clear.

And another and another…

With each one, you become more focused.

Staying focused becomes more natural.

And before you know it, you’re sprinting.

So, you just gotta keep moving. Don’t think about everything that’s happened. None of that matters NOW. You have the hand you’ve been dealt, now you have to play it. Don’t think about the next 100 steps in front of you.

You don’t even know what most of those are.

And, they’ll change along the way.

What’s the best step you can take RIGHT NOW with the information you have.

And then, step.

NOW, what’s the next best step I can take?

And, the next… and, the next.

That’s how I live my life.

And that’s how I stay focused.

And, ignore everything else swirling around me.

And, it’s worked pretty damn well, so far.

So, there you go.

Take that for what it’s worth.

If you have a question, you’d like me to answer, just leave me a comment below and I’ll do my best to answer it.

And, of course, when it comes to web development, I’m here to help you take some of those steps with my training curriculum. HTML, CSS, JavaScript, PHP, MySQL… it’s all in there. And, you can access it for nothing over on my free tutorial site here: https://johnsfreetuts.com

The rise of database-driven websites and applications like WordPress and Joomla made what I did obsolete. I rapidly lost all my clients. And, I had to go back to working at pizza restaurant.

Disillusioned.

Confused.

And, believing I was “destined” to live my life this way.

That’s what the chaos of technology can do. And, it’s happening even faster, today, than it was then. So, how do you survive? More, how can you GUARANTEE you’ll thrive as everything swirls around you?

Can you?

Funny thing is…

It’s simpler now than it’s ever been.

Technology changes.

People don’t.

In any case, this is what I discuss in the latest episode of the John Morris Show. What you’ll hear isn’t gimmicks or flash. It won’t “sound” secksy. But, in the world we live in, today, it’s more effective than ever.

I think you make your luck by being disciplined and doing the right things. Then, chance tends to more often fall in your favor. But, it’s not some ethereal thing you either have or you don’t. It’s driven by how YOU behave.

If luck were a thing, I’d be f!@#ed!

Cuz, I ain’t never got none.

I got a childhood full of horrors to prove that.

Soooo, you can imagine how rustled my jim-jims were when I read this:

“Luck is still a factor tho. Can you imagine how homeless someone like Trump would be if his father never gave him that “‘small loan of a miwwion dollars?’”

And, no not because I give two flying f-bombs about ol’ T-dog.

It’s the attitude.

To sit around and cry about someone else’s life. And, become so fixated on it you inject it into random conversations that have nothing to do with that person. And, it actually starts to infect your thinking.

You start to actually believe this “luck” nonsense.

And, that it’s actually important.

And, that you have no control over it.

Where does it all lead? Most often, it leads to the “infected” sitting around, pissing and moaning about how “unlucky” they are and how all these other people “just got lucky” and if “I’d just gotten what they got…”

Wa wa wa!

Here’s my take…

I find successful people tend to be successful no matter their circumstances. And, unsuccessful people tend to make excuses no matter their circumstances. It comes down to deciding who you want to be.

So, who do YOU want to be?

In any case, take that for what it’s worth.

That’s my “get off my grass” old man rant for the day.

“Now listen here, sonny boy…”

(You know you just read that in old man voice! :D)

Of course, if you’re feeling motivated to take action based on this and web development or freelancing is your thing. Give the ol’ curricky (curriculum) a try. It’s a helluva dead simple way to actually make this happen.

For me, one of the major turning points in my life and career is when I stopped seeking out friends and instead sought “allies”. An ally of mine, Michael Skye, taught me this. And, it can be life-changing.

A friend is someone who comforts and consoles you.

They excuse and justify your shortcomings for you.

They’re rationalize your failures.

They’re good to have in your life.

You need that, sometimes.

But, if that’s ALL you have.

You have no one to hold you accountable to your best self.

That’s what an ally is. An ally doesn’t accept you for who you are, but sees you for what you could be, what you WANT to be. And, they hold you accountable to continually seeking and honoring your best self.

They push you.

Challenge you.

And, don’t make excuses for you.

When you fail and seek their comfort…

They give you none.

Instead they ask, “Now what?”

And, I’ll just say this. If you want to be successful and actually achieve the things you want in life, you NEED allies in your life. In fact, the more I’ve invited allies into mine, the more successful I’ve become.

So, while you’re thinking about 2019…

And, all the things you want to accomplish…

Make “more allies” one of them.

That one resolution, alone, can help you achieve all the others.

In any case, that’s how I see my role for you. I’m not your friend. I’m your ally. Which is why I hammer away at the excuses and the bullshit. I won’t let you off the hook. I won’t rationalize your shortcomings or failures.

I see you for what you could be.

And, I’ll continue to do so for as long as you listen.

Anyway, if starting a freelancing or web development career is in your plans for 2019 plans, I really do believe my curriculum is one great way to make that happen. My freelancing courses are top-ranked on SkillShare.

In fact, it was right about this time, several years, ago I hit rock bottom. I remember, I was going into town to get the kids some gifts. And, I already felt awful because they weren’t really getting much.

Because we were basically broke.

And, I also had this thing I really wanted.

And, I was driving, trying to figure out how I could do both.

And, for a brief moment, the thought of just getting what I wanted and saying “Ah, the kids have enough” flashed in my mind. And, it was like instant shame. I couldn’t help but think of my dad.

He used to do that s!@# to us all the time.

Christmas.

Birthdays.

He’d go “shopping” for us and come back with all this stuff for him…

And, little to nothing for us.

So, I felt like a complete dirt bag when that thought even crossed my mind.

And, that was the moment I said “NEVER AGAIN!”

Never again would I feel this way.

I will NOT become my dad.

And, I made a bunch of changes in my life.

And, I fortunately HAVEN’T been in that position since.

But, the biggest lesson I’ve learned along the way is persistence. Which is why I harp on it so much. It’s not effort or hard work or intelligence. It’s simply the ability to keep moving forward.

No matter what comes your way.

Stay focused on what you want.

And, continue to pursue it.

In the face of anything and everything.

It’s hard as hell, sometimes.

But, it ALWAYS pays off.

So, if you’re feeling it this time of year. And, things aren’t exactly how you might wish them to be. Remember…

NEVER AGAIN!

Steel your mind and get after it.

Anyway, one of the things that trips people up is learning how to get paid to do all this. It’s one thing to learn how to code. It’s a whole other to learn how to get PAID to do it. AND, paid well.

Becoming a freelancer was one of the things I changed when I hit rock bottom.

And, it’s been a god-send.

Completely changed my life.

Once I learned how to do it right.

Anyway, I’ll teach you everything I’ve learned along the way, becoming a 6-figure freelancer, in my Beginner’s Guide to Freelance course. Best part is you can get it for nothing over on SkillShare.

My little brother is going on 3 years. My mentor has worked from home full-time for ever a decade and a half. And, we all do it in very different ways. If that’s something you’d like to do, watch this video:

I was telling them how my vision goes way beyond just myself. I don’t just want to have made myself wealthy. I want my kids and their kids and their kids and so on… to be wealthy. To build a kind of family dynasty.

Where the habits that lead to wealth are just expected.

The resources.

The knowledge.

That’s how legacies are built.

And, growing up the way I did, I NEVER want my kids or grandkids or great grandkids to go through what my brothers and I did. And, will literally spend the rest of my life working to make damn SURE it doesn’t.

Anyway, my dad said:

“Well, your mom and I are past that. We’ll never be wealthy.”

And, I was like hold on a minute.

What debt do you have?

None.

Student loans?

No.

Credit cards?

No.

Car payment?

No.

Mortgage?

No.

ANY loan?

No.

See, THAT is wealth. A lot of people equate wealth with a nice house or a fancy car. But, a lot of the people who own that stuff are buried in debt. You add up their net worth and they’re firmly in the negative.

Being ZERO net worth-wise is a win.

It’s a start.

Now, the land they own. The house. Every little thing puts them in the positive. And sure, if you added it all up, it wouldn’t be that big of a number for my parents. But, it’d be a positive one. And, that’s better than a lot of households.

Point is…

Don’t get too caught up in chasing the “appearance” of wealth.

Which is a lesson I wish 23-year-old me had been taught!

Instead, build real wealth.

Which is about profit, not just revenue.

Assets.

Eliminating debt.

Etc.

Anyway, take that for what it’s worth.

MY path to do all this included freelancing because it’s one of the simplest ways to get out on your own and start building your own legacy. I can’t hand my job down to my kids, but I can give them my freelance business.

In any case, if you wanna learn everything I’ve discovered in 14+ years…

Been doing this Keto diet and today was a cheat day. So, had a huge stack of pancakes for breakfast… and my body is reeling. You know when you’re laying down and your arms feel like they weigh 100o lbs?

Yeah, that.

Anyway, got me thinking about this tweet:

Procrastination Hack:

When you procrastinate, you are focusing too much on the big tasks.

Stop.

Flip it.

Focus on the small tasks & build up.

Ex: instead of focusing on getting the entire blog done, do 1 paragraph.

Don’t think about everything you have to do. Just look at the list of things left to do and find one you think you can get done in 5 minutes and do that. By the time you get done with it, you’ll “strangely” want to keep going.

Before you know it…

It’s three hours later and you’ve got half your list done.

And, it’s works over and over and over.

Almost 10 years now for me.

Anyhoo, use that as you will.

Of course, if learning how to code and how to freelance is one of the things on your list, I can give you an assist. You can get access to my entire curriculum of web development and freelancing courses for nothing over on SkillShare.

“This is going to be perhaps the most personal question you’ve received from anyone. With all the remarkable things you’ve experienced as a soldier, with all the setbacks in your personal life, with the setbacks in your professional life – getting the freelance career going et al – did you ever reach a point – and this is the touchy subject – did you ever think of ending it all? Did you glance over to that rope thinking this was your way out? If you do NOT answer this. I FULLY understand.”

It IS personal.

But, I made a promise to tackle this kind of stuff…

So, I’m not going shy away.

If this is too much for you… I get it.

Simply, click away.

So, here’s the thing…

This will probably freak you out about me, but I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts since I was 9 or so. I’ve told you about the car accident my dad, little brother and I were in. One of the things that happened after that…

Was I got told how close I came to dying…

I don’t know how many times.

Doctors.

Family.

I heard it so many times, I…

I don’t know… it was a lot.

They were well-meaning, but that f!@#s with you as a 9-year-old. Then, not long after that I was molested. It was a friend of the family who we saw from time to time and I was just about old enough to feel something wasn’t right…

But, they were clever.

And, it took me awhile before I fully realized what was happening…

And, that it was wrong.

That just made things worse.

In any case, the closest I ever came was (surprise, surprise) about 6 months after I got back from Iraq. I was dealing with PTSD and it had hit its worst. I was working at a pizza place at the time.

And, we always had an evening rush.

I was an assistant manager…

And, had to make sure everything ran smooth.

It was stressful.

And, my body was out of whack in terms of dealing with stress. I used to go outside after each rush was over, sit down by the dumpsters where no one could see me and just bawl my eyes out for 10-15 minutes.

No real reason why…

Other than I was just overwhelmed.

As the months of this wore on…

I considered a lot of things.

The one day I remember vividly… it was raining. And, I was following this semi-truck back home from work. I lived about 10 miles from where I worked. And, the whole way I had this overwhelming urge to just drive into the back of it.

I could’ve easily passed it.

But, I didn’t.

I just sat there staring at it as I drove.

That’s the strongest I ever felt it.

Anyway, how’d I make it out? Well, thankfully, I had (have) an amazing wife who just kept putting up with me. I had a son I just couldn’t leave. But, somehow I found a way to just draw a mental “red line” around suicide.

No matter what happened…

It just wasn’t an option.

That saved me more than once.

Then, and this is going to sound uber cliche, but I found a deeper purpose in life. For some people, that’s religion or something spiritual. For me, it was my kids. It was a legacy and the kind of life I wanted to give them.

And, how I wanted THEM specifically to remember me.

I still tear up thinking about it.

But, once I had that purpose or “mission” in my life…

That stuff mostly went away.

I have no idea if that’s how it works for others…

Or, if that’s helpful to you at all…

But, that’s my answer.

It’s also partly why… while I generally come across as a curmudgeonly bastard, I deep down actually DO really want to help people. I just also have very little tolerance for excuses. Like do it or don’t… but quit bitching.

Your life is what YOU make it.

Don’t like it?

Change it.

Anyway, take that for what it’s worth.

It’s just how I look at it.

Of course, if you’ve been here longer than a minute, you know the drill… web development was how I “escaped”. And, teaching that to people is how I help. So, if you’re tired of making excuses and want to make it happen…

I was watching this interview the other day… it was the Rubin Report and Dave Rubin was interviewing Owen Benjamin (semi-famous comedian). Anyway, Benjamin mentioned this book called, The Screwtape Letters…

And, it sounded interesting.

So, I bought it.

Anyway, it’s basically this collection of letters between these two demons talking about how to collect souls. Except, you only get one side of the letters… the letters from the demon named “Screwtape”… thus the name of the book.

But, it’s not the content that’s got me.

It’s the format.

Screwtape ends every letter with:

“Your affectionate uncle, Screwtape”.

So, it’s not just some letters between two random demons. It’s really an older, wiser family member trying to impart his wisdom to a younger one. And, it’s really got into my head.

I’ve always felt like I had at least one good book in me.

But, I could never really nail down on exactly what…

Or, how I’d write it.

But now…

A “Letter to My Sons” type book just seems so obvious. I’ve literally been up all night thinking about it. And, of course, my head just started spinning with, “Well, what would I write in a letter to my sons?”

And, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is:

Legacy.

The best way I can explain it is to use my parents as an example. And, truthfully, I hesitate to even write this on the off-chance they might read this and it rub salt in their wounds… but that’s kinda the point.

If I had to guess…

When my parents got married and had kids… and they sat down to think about what kind of life they wanted to have, what kind of life they wanted to give their kids, what kind of legacy they wanted to leave…

How things turned out…

Would have been the nightmare scenario.

Probably worse than their worst nightmare scenario.

Now look, they had a rough go of it. No one could have predicted that my dad would get in a car accident, become a quadriplegic and really never be the same again. Some bad shit happened.

But still…

The reality is…

They left their kids nothing.

Less than nothing, in fact.

And, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

And, it’s something I think about a lot. What kind of legacy am I going to leave behind? How will I be remembered? Will I be remembered? Will my grandkids and my great grandkids and my great great grandkids even know who I am.

I think about my grandpa on my dad’s side.

I never knew him.

He died before I was born.

So, I never once heard him speak. I don’t know how he thought, what type of man he was. I don’t know a thing about him, really… outside of a few pictures. To me, he really is a ghost.

I don’t want to be a ghost.

Now look…

I know some of you reading this aren’t at that age yet… where you’ve really begun to think about these things. What I’m saying to you is… one day, you will be. And, you’ll wish you’d started thinking about it sooner.

That you’d done more sooner.

That’s not to make you feel regret or anything…

But, to encourage to maybe think about it a little now.

To worry a little less about the immediacy of right now. Yes, you gotta educate yourself and get work, pay bills and take care of all those things that require your immediate attention.

But, don’t sacrifice your legacy for those things.

Don’t give up on the big things you wanna do in life…

Don’t stifle who you really want to be…

For a paycheck or a client or a job.

You will regret it.

Instead, start thinking (at least a little bit now) about how you want to be remembered. What story do you want your kids to tell their kids… and their kids tell their kids, and on and on?

Someday, that’s gonna be all that matters to you.

And, you’ll wish you started now.

Speaking of…

I’m writing this as much to myself as I am you. For awhile now, I’ve been lying to you. Not outright lying, but pretending. I always wanted this newsletter to be something more, something deeper.

Something truly valuable…

That dove into the hard stuff… like legacy.

But, I’ve always felt hemmed in with concerns about “keeping on topic” and the posts being too long, not directly related to code, too theoretical or ethereal… all these reasons I’ve avoided going all in on what I really wanted to do…

Which was talk about the really important stuff.

And, to be honest… I don’t think the code is all that important.

It is… but it isn’t.

You gotta learn it…

But, that’s not what’s going to make you successful.

It just isn’t.

There’s so much more to it.

In any case, no more. I’m done writing to please others. My legacy is so much more important than how many subscribers or opens or clicks or whatever the hell else I always tend to worry about.

And, I’m just going to focus on telling the truth…

As I see it.

Anyway, for most of you… I know that’ll be the end of this little blog “fling” we’ve had. You’re in a different place or you’ll think it’s lame or whatever else you might say. And, that’s cool.

But, if you’ve read this far…

It might just be because you sense it…

That this is what you’re really after.

Deeper meaning.

You might consider sticking around.

Anyway, do with that what you will. My goal is to help you on this journey in the best ways I know how. Yes, some of that will still be code… you gotta learn that stuff. But, also with the stuff beyond that.