Menu

Why I’m Not Getting Married Too

Every time I’m asked that question (with increasing frequency these days) I have to stop my eyes from rolling themselves to the back of my head and never resurfacing. The simple answer is because Mr. Right hasn’t surfaced. Will I marry myself?! There’s no need to tilt your head to one side, crease your forehead and purse your lips while you exclaim ‘you’re still single?!’ When it’s not that I have leprosy or gonorrhea!

I have actually been proposed to before. I was in my 2nd year at university and he was a mature student cum joker. Dude took one look at me singing in the worship band at church and thought, ‘nice innocent Christian girl. I’d better get in there before her eyes open.’ Too late mate, my eyes opened a long time ago.

After asking for my number, under the guise of needing to borrow some worship CD’s ‘to enhance his worship experience’, he proceeded to stalk me, trailing me all over campus in his cream and brown snakeskin pointy shoes and velvet blazer. After I made it clear that I was not interested, he decided to approach the matter from a spiritual angle. He started dreaming.

In his dreams, there was a storm brewing and he could hear a voice calling out to him in the midst of the storm. The voice kept getting swept away by the wind so he couldn’t hear clearly. After asking me a couple of times if I could interpret the dream, I kindly informed him that interpreting dreams was Joseph’s specialty, not mine. ‘Don’t worry,’ I encouraged him, ‘one day the vision will be made plain.’

The day came the following morning. He wanted to tell me about it in person so I met him at a café. The voice was the voice of God telling him that I was his wife. When I informed him that the voice had failed to communicate the message to me too, he became furious. Apparently young girls like me had no regard for the voice of God and did not understand spiritual things. After proceeding to tell me how good a catch he was and how he was going to make something of himself in life, he stormed off shouting, ‘you will regret this!’