Wednesday, December 23, 2009

OK, maybe not, but it's fun to say. I'm a HUUUGE Bowie fan, and this is one of my favorites of his. How could it not be, when he's hangin' with Bing Crosby? I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, and have a WONDERFUL Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

So when you lose the excess weight, EVERYTHING really does get smaller. My feet have, most definitely. I used to have to squish into a size 10 shoe just for the width. Now I'm back in a 9-9.5. Regular, not wide. SUH-WEET.

Even BETTER though, is that my hands have gotten skinnier. After Matt was born my hands were so puffy still that I ended up getting a new wedding set. Hey, I gave Brian a SON, and two gorgeous daughters, I deserved it, right? ;) I ended up having to order a size 10 ring set. At times even that was too tight. There was about a year that I couldn't even wear it. Once I finally started losing, though, my hands got slimmer pretty quick. I had to pick up a ring sizer thingie (technical term!) to put on my bands to make them fit better. Even that is too loose now, and they slide right off.

So yesterday I went into a little family owned jewelry store just to find out how much it would cost to get them sized. I've been wearing my original band and even that is too big. Only a hundred bucks, so that's nice. Then we sized my finger.

No freakin way.

I wear a size 7 ring. And since my body is still normalizing, including my hands, it's likely to go even a little bit smaller. Holy crapoly, I dig it! So the jeweler wrote down all the info on his business card so I can give it to Brian. Maybe I'll get my rings sized for Christmas or Valentine's Day?

Friday, December 11, 2009

I had MIL send these. I'm sure she's got more, I'll get them posted eventually. The ones in the pink shirts were in Okinawa, and I'm sure I was over 350ish in those. Probably about the same in the one where I'm at the table, but that was a few weeks after we had moved back stateside.

It just makes me so sad to see these. But I also wasn't READY to lose the weight back then. I had a lot of emotional crap to deal with first, stuff to work through with my mom and about my brother's death. I think even if I had had the surgery back then I would likely have sabotaged it somehow.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

So apparently I've lost even more than I realized. I found a picture of Brian and me from when we lived in Japan and I was freakin' huge. I took it to seminar last night and showed it to Kim, my surgeon's wife, and she thinks I was around 350ish. Which put me at almost 200 pounds lost. *faint* I was in such denial about how big I was, I refused to get on a scale. I wouldn't even get on one at the doctor's office.

I like these pics MUCH better, even though they're really shadowy. Ann Taylor Loft pants! Yay! Size 9 boots, WITH stiletto heels and a super pointy toe. YAY! I used to have to buy shoes in a 10-11 just to deal with the width of my foot, the length was always way too big. And fugghedabout stilettos, even chunky heels made me feel like I was walking on knives stabbing up through my heel & calf.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Aaaaaaaactually, it's 102. And I find the cupcakes amusing, since they're a contributing factor.

I made it!!!! 100 pounds in just over 6 months. There's no way I could have done this without the surgery. Before, every time I tried to diet & exercise it all away on my own I ended up just gaining even more, and sabotaging myself in depression. But because I went ahead and had my guts rearranged and finally found a form of exercise that I enjoy (such a huge difference!) it's finally coming off. 6 pounds to go to my goal weight!!!

My goal had been to hit my goal weight by my birthday, but I really don't think that's going to happen. I'm OK with that though. 100 pounds is nothing to sniff at, and I've only got those few left to go.

I've been running into people that knew me "before." Today it was the lady that used to do my nails, I went back to her. We were chit-chatting and she kept looking at me funny, and then she finally got this look of realization on her face. "You've lost weight!!!!" She was so sweet about it.

Brian's family was incredible about it, too. His grandma and aunt both cried when they saw me. They know everything I've gone through, and they know that I feel like my outside finally matches my inside again. (I always said that the fat was just padding for the skinny bitch inside!)

This has all been so surreal, though. I've said it before, I'll say it a million times again. Yes, at times, it does feel like I'm taking the easy way out. After all, the only other ones that are going to lose so significantly so fast are the ones on the Biggest Loser, and once they're back in the real world most gain back. I'm not having to work AS hard as they do physically, and I don't restrict myself as much as they do when it comes to dietary concerns. But I've made a commitment to my body that I can't take back. I had a rearranging of the guts that makes it so I can only absorb about 70% of what I take in. I have to work to get enough protein in. (Blech, shakes.) There are times that I DESPERATELY want to eat something, especially if it's chocolatey, but I can't because I know it will make me sick. If I forget, and I still do sometimes, and eat too fast or take too big bites I get sick. I'm terrible about not drinking enough water and run a high risk of getting dangerously dehydrated. This is all something I'll live with for the rest of my life, I can't just change my mind. Nothing easy about being strapped to the wagon.

It's all been such a gift though. I do things that I never thought I'd do. I'm becoming a totally different, and hopefully more pleasant! person. On the way back from Iowa on Sunday I raced Catey to the restroom at a rest stop...UPHILL. And I didn't get out of breath. Yeah, I'm just a little impressed with myself!

I have a lot to learn, and I'm determined to KEEP it off. I just hope I can manage to live the rest of my life with the grace and peace that I've been given, and share it.