BM's won't be able to attend our wedding! Should we cancel!?

A little background info…Our date has been changed a couple of times. It was pushed back until our finances were in order and the vendors I picked could work on same day. Since the last change of date, my MOH got pregnant with her first child and is due at the end of April- May 1st (also my 30th Bday). She originally told me April 27th and that the doctor wont let her go past her due date. My other BM (2nd best friend) is going to her cousin’s destination wedding on May 2nd. The date I was able to get for all major vendors (venue, caterer, and photographer) was Sunday May 4th, 2014. I will not budge on the vendors. I refuse to look for others because I have researched for over a year, close to 2 years and picked them based on cost, personality, and liking their product/service they provide. I love these vendors! I told my BM’s that when we chose a date and booked that I would let them know a few months beforehand. They were fine with this. Well it’s four months beforehand and now I probably will lose two BMs. I still have two other ones, his sister, and a close friend/co-worker. So it’s not about the loss of BM’s, it’s the fact that my 2 best friends will possibly not be there for my wedding! But thing is, me and FI will be legally married beforehand in a private ceremony…only the parents. We were going to surprise everyone two months beforehand…with the invitations announcing us as Mr. and Mrs. and to join us for a blessing ceremony and reception. Therefore the May 4th date was for our blessing ceremony and reception but we were still having the bridal party, etc.

Venue is booked, caterer contract will be signed next week (haven’t paid anything and don’t have to until 30days before), photography deposit to secure date has been paid. Should I cancel everything? Me and FI have been through crap for last few months trying to pick a date that worked for us and vendors…it’s been a roller coaster. I am so confused, hurt, and extremely sad. On the other hand I have been planning for over a year and I’m just tired I want it to be over with.

Any suggestions? One suggestion was to turn it into my 30th bday party, but still no best friends would be there, and thats one expensive bday party! Thanks for reading and commenting.

@slc201329: Sounds like you have to stick to your date. Any chance the BMs who can’t come to the blessing/reception could be included in the private ceremony? Then they could still be part of your special day if not the celebration and blessing afterwards.

Will you lose your deposit(s) if you switch the date with the venue and caterer? If you really want your friends to be there and you haven’t sent invites out, just switch it again.

I know it’s frustrating but, if it means all the difference in the world to have your friends there, then wait until they can be there. If you are ok doing it without them, then keep your original date.

I don’t think it’s necessary or reasonable to change everything for just two people. They’re your friends, not your husband or your parents — friends. They are not essential to the event, even though you love them and want them to be there.

@slc201329: I understand that you are frustrated and disappointed, but I would just keep the date for the blessing, I think it’s a bit late to change it and likely one of the vendors you have won’t be available on another day. Maybe the best friends can go to the private ceremony?

@slc201329: I say go through with your current plans so you don’t lose your deposits and learn to live wtih the fact that your friends won’t be able to make it. It’s disappointing but no matter how much you plan, there will always be a few people that can’t make it for whatever reason. Your friend with the baby due gets a pass because you can’t hold something like that against a friend. As for the other friend, family events trumph friend events.

Can you invite them to the legal wedding that you are having prior to the wedding? At least they will technically see you get married. I am sure as they are your BFFs that they will keep it quiet. That is the only real option because they cannot attend the blessing ceremony. Best of luck!

Since it’s not even your real wedding I don’t think it’s as important that they won’t be there. Obviously you want them there to celebrate with you, but it’s not like they’re going to see you get married so it’s just another party. I’d just keep your current plans and celebrate with the two bms a different time.

@ThursdayLove:@HeartsandSparkles:@Polygon:@bebelicious1: the legal ceremony isnt really a ceremony at all that why we’re having the blessing ceremony later. It’s basically my mom (a minister) saying a few words, pronouncing us, then signing the papers. I like the idea of maybe those two best friends coming. But if I allow them and no one else I might get crap for that you know! Thanks for the suggestion, if they keep quiet it might work.

@iammcdibble: I know it’s not their fault my day doesn’t work for them…Im not mad at them I’m just sad.

@Ellicott: we will definitely lose the deposits…which I cannot afford. One of the reason I picked each vendors is because they are within my total budget. Switching the date is hard…there isn’t many left that matches all three vendors. Doing it before May is not possible…we prefer to give guests at least a 2-3month notice. March and April for some reason are popular months at the venue…it’s an art center that holds performances. May is popular for my caterer b/c of prom season. But this weekend is Kentucky Derby weekend and she said it was perfect because out-of-town family will already be here. In June we have 2 weddings to attend. August-Septemeber is popular wedding months and that’s pushing it as we will be planning for a child right after we are married.