What is it about French people that made them so good with cuisine? Seriously, they’re the best on the planet. A Middle Easterner could look at a typical French dish and be like, “I want to put that in my face” in whatever phlegmy language…

Every time I go to LA I witness a fight at a club. Last time it was at Supperclub, this time it was at The Beverly in West Hollywood. Upon arriving to LA, my cousin was a very gracious host. At his home in Long…

We came here for my girlfriend’s birthday dinner and found my little sister’s doppelganger. That was pretty awesome and I’ll get to that. I wasn’t sure where to take my girlfriend, but we were doing bar trivia earlier in the week and two people simultaneously…

Leave it to white aristocrats to create the most debased, self-indulgent, wanton thing human beings do by taking acres upon acres of perfectly livable, arable land, adding 18 little holes to it, and then scoffing at minorities. The tiny variety, however, isn’t as evil. Sometimes…

I’ve been a Marlins fan since I watched that old fuck Charlie Hough pitch his shitty knuckleball against the Dodgers. I’ve been an anti-fan of Joe Robbie Stadium (I have trouble remembering who the quarterly sponsor is, so I just call it that) since I…

FUCKING CHINESE PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, AND SUSHI SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THEM. I HATE THAT SUSHI SHIT BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE RANCID CHOCH, BUT MY GIRL LOVES IT MORE THAN SHE LOVES ME SKEET SHOOTING. HAHAHA SKEET SHOOTING BRO GET IT?…

If I could go back to the twenties and not be hanged or disenfranchised for being an outspoken minority with future technology, I would totally go grab a drink or two with some flat-chested hookers at a speakeasy. That’s why the Foxhole seemed like such…

If Yardbird had a dick, Miami would be sucking it. I knew only three things coming into this place: People don’t shut the fuck up about how amazing this place is supposed to be, the head chef was the guy from Gigi’s, and Cee Lo…

My little sister is an undiagnosed alcoholic. I don’t know how one diagnoses that sort of bullshit “disease” (it’s not a disease, you just fucking drink too much) but I’m willing to bet she’s got the virus that causes it. The thing about alcoholism is…