“Fei provides a sense of hope that all NICU parents need to survive. She also provides a safe place to know that we are not alone, a gift of immeasurable proportion. GIRL IN GLASS is an important work of literature for the Maternal Infant Health community and should be required reading for all resident neonatologists and neonatal nursing interns. Fei gives an in-depth perspective of the preemie parent experience that personalizes the medicine behind neonatology.” —KEIRA SORRELLS, Mother of triplets born 25w 5d; Co-Founder & President, Preemie Parent Alliance; Co-Founder & President, Zoe Rose Memorial Foundation

“The beauty of GIRL IN GLASS is that it takes us beyond these individual stories, to understand the broader impact that neonatal morbidity has on us all. This story is about more than one woman’s struggle to protect her family and right an injustice: It holds up a mirror for the kind of society we are, and gives us a map for what we can do to be better.” —JESSAMYN RESSLER-MAERLENDER, MPH,Manager, NICU Family Support, March of Dimes

“I am grateful that we have such a unique, eloquent and powerful voice to further our cause of improving outcomes for all babies born prematurely.” —NICK HALL, Founder & President at Graham’s Foundation

“GIRL IN GLASS engulfed me. Deanna writes with raw honesty about the pain, both physical and emotional, of preterm birth. She exposes the harsh reality that it is not just our babies that are distressed, but we as parents are shaken to our core and must declare ourselves ready for the challenge of parenting a medically fragile child.” —KELLI KELLEY, NICU mom and founder of Hand to Hold

“Fei puts words to the unspeakable nature of what can be the hardest thing a parent experiences: the hospitalization of their sweet baby. I can't recommend it enough.” —KARA WAHLIN, MFT and preemie parent; founder of NICU Healing

“I loved reading GIRL IN GLASS, both for Fei’s startling honesty in baring her emotions and struggles, but also for her discussion about how we as a society value the lives of our most vulnerable citizens. Fei owns up to many emotions that lurk in the deep recesses of many preemie parents’ hearts: guilt, fear, and shame. In addressing these emotions so directly, she normalizes them, highlighting what real life is like for preemie parents. Deanna Fei has done us a great service. I recommend this book highly.” —SUE HALL, neonatologist, author, and founder of Support 4 NICU Parents

“Parents everywhere collectively cheer Fei and her need to speak up and speak out on behalf of her family, of all working families.” —DEB DISCENZA, creator of PreemieWorld

“GIRL IN GLASS perfectly exemplifies the thoughts and feelings that parents of premature infants often have trouble finding words for. The sharing of her family’s journey is one filled with love, courage and determination; providing other families the strength to never give up hope.” —CRISTAL GROGAN, mother of Seth, born 12 weeks premature

Deanna Fei's GIRL IN GLASS is a moving and memory-evoking story of dreams, hopes, loss, endurance and advocation. GIRL IN GLASS gives NICU parents examples of how to advocate for their children and family, and provides a realistic glimpse into a world few people travel.” —LAURA MILLER, Managing Consultant, NICU Initiatives, March of Dimes

"I've been sneaking away and neglecting all the things because I can't put this book down. Friends, go right now and get this book. GIRL IN GLASS is one I'll be holding onto for a long time.” —JESSI BENNION, cofounder of “Life with Jack”

“Fei’s book far exceeds her goal in drawing the reader into a micro-prematurity journey … giving voice to what NICU parents often feel but cannot express. Her book is infused with character and forgiveness, lifting it with grace and beauty.” —KATIE REGINATO CASCAMO, Mother of Giovanni, born at 30 weeks; Regional Ambassador Coordinator at Hand to Hold

Parent Resources

Deanna holding Mila after 10 weeks in the NICU

Having a baby in the NICU is one of the most traumatic—and transformative—experiences anyone can endure. For parents watching their babies fight for their lives day after day, the stress levels are comparable to those of soldiers in combat. So are the rates of PTSD. Mothers, especially, are often haunted by shame, guilt, fear, and grief in the aftermath of a premature birth.

Yet counseling services aren’t commonly offered to parents in the NICU. People in the outside world often don’t understand or know how to acknowledge these experiences. So many NICU parents suffer in isolation and silence — as I once did.

Here’s the good news: You’re not alone. Ever since I spoke out about my own daughter’s preterm birth and its profound repercussions, I’ve been awed by the support and solidarity offered to me by an array of passionate, devoted advocates for families like mine — many of them with firsthand experience of what it means to have a child struggle at the edge of life. No matter the specifics of your ordeal, plenty of other people have been through it and come out on the other side. They can’t promise a miraculous outcome for your child, but they can help you begin to heal.

When you’re suffering, reaching out can be a terrifying act of faith — but it can also save you. Here are some resources for information, support, and advocacy that I wish I’d known about during my own months in the NICU: online communities, support groups, one-on-one mentoring, great books, and lots more. Please feel free to explore and find the resources that are right for you.

—Deanna Fei

PREEMIES: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies by Dana Wechsler Linden, Emma Trenti Paroli, and Mia Wechsler Doron: This is a book that truly lives up to its title. Co-written by a neonatologist and two mothers of premature babies, it’s packed with reassuring yet realistic answers for all the questions a preemie parent might not feel comfortable asking in their own NICU. An essential guide to the great universe of unknowns that often confront parents of premature babies.

Hand to Hold helps families before, during, and after NICU stays and infant loss by providing powerful resources for the whole family, and most importantly, one-on-one mentoring from someone who has been there.

Resources include in-hospital programs, articles and blogs, social networks, and trained peer mentors. All were designed with the emotional, physical, and social needs of the whole NICU family - including siblings and grandparents.

NICU Helping Hands develops hospital- and community-based programs that provide education and support for families with babies in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), during their transition from hospital to home and in the event of an infant loss.

Support 4 NICU Parents: Created by the National Perinatal Association, this website provides resources to help you understand and explore your new role as a NICU parent, with information on topics such as peer support, mental health support, and family-centered developmental care.

Zoe Rose Memorial Foundation offers emotional support, educational resources, and awareness focused events for families with a preterm or critically ill infant in the NICU, or those who have experienced a pregnancy or infant loss.

NICU Healing: An online therapeutic resource for parents,
caregivers, and family members coping with the NICU experience. Founder Kara Wahlin, a former NICU parent and licensed MFT, writes
about the NICU journey, the mental health issues that can pop up in its wake,
and provides clinical services to couples, families, and caregivers in the
NICU.

Preemie Parent Alliance is a network of
organizations across the country that provide support to families with a baby
in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. To ensure best outcomes for
preemie families, the Preemie Parent Alliance is dedicated to representing the
needs and best interests of preemie families in all facets of healthcare
policy, care guidelines, advocacy, education and family support.

Far from the Tree, by Andrew Solomon: This isn’t a book about prematurity, but it is a book that made me a better parent and a more compassionate person in the world. It's a tough, transformative exploration of how we respond when parenthood brings us what we least expected, and all the heartbreak, joy, fear, and transcendent love an atypical child can bring. Ultimately, it’s an exploration of how our differences unite us.

Neonatal Bioethics: The Moral Challenges of Medical Innovation, by John D. Lantos and William L. Meadow: This is a brilliant read for any parent who wants to know more about the science, history, politics, and decision-making involved in neonatal care. Clearly and compassionately written, this book tackles the moral and financial dilemmas that surround the issue of how we care for our most vulnerable. It finally helped me understand the moment in history when my daughter arrived—and how she made her way home.

PreemieWorld was created to help bridge the gap between parent
and professional in the NICU, at home and beyond. With books, videos, and
other products and tools, the hope is to make everyone’s life just a little bit
easier as the “new normal” is created in the life of the preemie and his/her
family.