#newjeans

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*Problem* - can no long fit into any of the jeans I own ... *Solution* - eats a Milk cereal soft serve with sprinkles and caramelised cornflakes every day and buys bigger jeans ✔️👖👏🏻🙋🏼🍦🖤✨... Would you judge me if I told you that @milkbarstore was one of the main reasons I came back to NYC? No? Good. (Nails by my fav : @ldn_grace 💅🏼) #thiscountsashealthyright#withsprinklesontop

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Ok, so it’s time for some very public honesty and probably a bit of meltdown. This photo was taken August 3. I had just gotten these jeans. Pretty great. I loved them. Sucks that they don’t fit anymore. On August 1, I began very slowly weaning my son, cutting down to 2 scheduled feeds a day. Between then and leaving for ATX on Sept 20, I gained 8 lbs. Ok, annoying but probably stress eating. That trip was my weaning trip. We stopped breastfeeding entirely. In preparation, I began cutting calories and kept up my yoga routine (at least 5 hours a week). On Oct 1, I began a yoga challenge. Since then, I’ve gained an additional 10 lbs. These jeans don’t fit. My skins a disaster. The hormonal revolt from my body at ending breastfeeding is unreal, and I keep hearing what I should do to change it. But the truth is, I’m doing everything I should be doing to lose, and I’m gaining. Maybe it’s keeping me from gaining more, and j should be grateful, but honestly I’m so upset. I was barely over the threshold of not hating what I saw in the mirror. I barely appreciated the way I looked. Now I’m back to self loathing pretty intensely. I feel angry at my body that after working so hard to take care of it and give it what it needs, the sacrifices I’ve made to keep my toddler safe with food, and the struggles I have endured to lose the weight... that this is happening. I’m sad and angry and I don’t like the way I look. I wasn’t trying to lose, I was confident where I was.. but I never expected to gain. These jeans were really comfortable, and I’m working really hard, and they are too small now. And I’m not ok with it. #realness#weightstruggle#weaning#extendedbreastfeeding#honesty#longpost#selflove#selfloathing#newjeans