Friday, October 17, 2008

That is what I am working on today. I already had a life insurance policy for Hunter when I was single, but some how this year the payment was missed causing my insurance to expire. I am in the process of trying to get it reinstated. I am locked into a annual fee of a very low rate for 20 years, because I was 24 years old when I applied for my life insurance. The younger you are the healthier you are considered to be.

As frustrating as it is to have to be going through this request of reinstatement, I do feel that maybe it happened for a reason. A reason for good or for bad or even both. I am looking at it for a reason of good. Why? Because it is causing me to get on the ball to update my life insurance, because I have a change in circumstances in my life now that I am 30 years old, married and a mother of two children now. I would like to make sure I am prepared and that my husband and both of my kids are taken care of, should the unthinkable happen to me.

So why do I feel the need to share with you?

In truth, I have been reading story after story of babies that have died shortly after birth. Three (3) stories in which some how really tugged at my heart strings. 1) Audrey Caroline - She died two hours after her birth.... she had the SAME due date as my little Morgan. One went home to Jesus and one stayed here on earth. 2. Isaac - he lived a short 16 minutes and his funeral is tomorrow. 3. A lady who had twin boys - one named Blake (I almost named Hunter Blake) and his brother (I feel horrible because I just drew a blank of his name) died after only living 3 days from being born way too early. He died at 11:16 pm..... Hunter was BORN at 11:16 pm. What are the chances of that same time of 11:16 pm?

Wednesday the 15th was a national observance day for all babies that have been lost some way some how (miscarriage, still birth, death shortly after birth etc.)

I think with all of the many stories I have read over the last few days and weeks, it has caused my heart to feel heavy. In fact I woke up in the middle of the night a little after midnight and found myself bawling as I laid there. I mean really crying out. I hurt so much for those parents who have suffered the loss of a child. I have anxiety just thinking of now being able to handle something like that in my life. I feel like I can't thank God enough lately.

I also read a blog about a father, his wife and their new daughter. He blogs about his daughter and his wife who is suffering from CF. His blog is below "Confessions of a CF Husband". The wife seems to be struggling and getting worse with her situation and the thought of him and that little girl possibly being without her (her mommy) or (his wife) just breaks my heart.

I know we have no control and I really probably should refrain from reading so many stories for a bit, because I feel it affecting me lately. I feel guilty and sad while there is so much hurt, loss and heartache out there around me.

So I am not just going to sit around and let it be too late for me to at least prepare my family and look after them for the 'unthinkable'.

I want to write letters to each of my children and to my husband. I want to be able to have the chance to really tell them how much they mean to me, how much I love them and I don't want there to ever be a day of their lives to ever not know that from me personally.

It is hard, it's emotional but it needs to be done. And I also thought, maybe I can inspire others out there that maybe need to start looking into and getting 'on the ball" to do the same thing for their own loved ones. So if that is you.... don't wait around any longer. The new year is just a couple of months around the corner. Do it NOW...and then you can start your new year with one less thing to worry about and with a better peace of mind, knowing that you did something wonderful for those you love and you are leaving a piece of your legacy to your spouse and children.

5
Personal Thoughts:

There is a lot people dont know, If there is no will stating guardianship and you are the only living parent or the sole custodian even if you have other relatives the child will go straight to CPS. If you have a family member that wants the child they will have to take the steps to become a foster parent (3 mo to a yr!)This is so sad...and there are probably children out there that arent with their family because of this...:(

wow , see your a great wife and a good mommy that you are thinking ahead of the future, it will help in thw end as you watch from abaove, however you are a special child of god thats makes you care so much and take on every one elses heart ach. I hear you about worrying however you need to worry about you sometimes i know it sound selfish but you need you to work so that your heart can love and take care of the million things on your personal and not personal list. its people like you and me that care so much and take on sometimes more then we can handle and the out come , we are streesed and tired and overwelemed and cant handle the pressure, so we cry and that is ok, we are human and if we didnt then guess what it would not be you or it would not be me. so look at this as a eye opner and take care of it and be happy that you are putting you and your life in order.

misty with the day i had yesterday at gabbys school and the thought of my daughter thinkinhg i forgot her , i have been shut down and crying all day long. the lack of the school saftly is all to blam

talk about wanted to cry , my daughters are every thing to me. crazy ..

wow , see your a great wife and a good mommy that you are thinking ahead of the future, it will help in the end as you watch from above, however you are a special child of god thats makes you care so much and take on every one elses heart ach. I hear you about worrying however you need to worry about you sometimes i know it sounds selfish but you need you to work so that your heart can love and take care of the million things on your personal and not personal list. its people like you and me that care so much and take on sometimes more then we can handle and the out come , we are streesed and tired and overwelemed and cant handle the pressure, so we cry and that is ok, we are human and if we didnt then guess what it would not be you or it would not be me. so look at this as a eye opnener and take care of it and be happy that you are putting you and your life in order.

misty with the day i had yesterday at gabbys school and the thought of my daughter thinkinhg i forgot her , i have been shut down and crying all day long. the lack of the school saftly is all to blam

talk about wanted to cry , my daughters are every thing to me. crazy .. i did not forget her , they never escorted her to the turting class like they stated when i signed her up.

What 'austin's mama' said is what got me and Josh talking last week. I told him that if anything were to ever happen to us (God forbid! but our lives are not in our hands) then I wouldn't want Charlie in a CPS until they can figure out which family member will get her. It would break my heart for her to go through that on top of losing her parents.

Thanks for this reminder, Misty. I will ask Josh to make an appt. with the Legal center to get our will and trust in order.

Also, I too have had to refrain myself from reading certain blogs becuase I'm one of those people that tends to carry other people's burdens without wanting to - like you! God has given me a really compassionate heart and sometimes I have a hard time not taking stuff personally. I've been praying a lot this past week for many parents out there who've lost a pregnancy/baby/child and prayed that He help me keep it together.

You're doing the right thing, hun. Can't wait to catch up on other things as well.