From Fattie to Hottie... my journey to lose 105lbs in the next 365 days

Friday, October 16, 2009

FFFF#8: The F Word

I have three F words that I'd like to share. The first is...

FAILURE.

It might sound cliche but failure is not an option. It just isn't. Now that I am actually trying I will never quit, I will never give up, all because that is how much I fear failure. Mistakes? fine. Slips? OK. But failure? Never. And my weight is the closest I have ever really come to really failing at something. And failing yourself is the worst kind of failure. I want to be Fat Free so I can say that I haven't failed anything yet (and hopefully I never will). (And I know essentially that it was my fear of failure that prevented me from trying in the first place, but that is for another post.)

The second is...FINISH.

I want to finish this. I have to. I may end up at a slightly different finish line than I imagined but know that it will be some sort of finish none the less. It doesn't matter WHEN, all that matters is that it happens. I want to be Fat Free so that I can finish this overweight portion of my life once and for all.

The third is...

FREEDOM.

Cause being Fat Free is freedom, right? It's so obvious that it's very easy for me to overlook. I am recently rediscovering this word and am falling in love with it all over again. I want freedom from plus size clothing, my fat rolls, and my Fat Girl Mentality that I am not good enough or pretty enough. When all is said and done, I want to inwardly scream 'Freedom' like a victory cry much like Mel Gibson in Braveheart (I will only do this in my head and not out loud; that may be a little too weird and a little too drama diva, even for me!) I want to be Fat FREE. Period.

5 comments:

I wrote a blog about weight loss failure today too. I would say it went a different direction, but I like your perspective. I'm looking for other blogs to follow and people to follow me so I hope you don't mind that I added you. I'm looking forward to seeing what you have to say!

Jo - I know right?! I have decided that F words are f-ing fantastic! (PS. every time I see your pic & always think to myself 'I want to bend over and touch my toes like that too!' haha. thanks for keeping me inspired!)

Someday SkinnyMinnie - I love your nickname! And thanks for stopping by :)

I love that your profile says "I am going to lose 105lbs in the next 12 months" not "I want to...." or "I'm trying to..." that statement says a lot about your determination and in it you inspired me majorly!

In a lot of ways fat can be a state of mind. Sometimes weight loss doesnt solve the problems we think it will and we're still left with certain feelings/issues and no fat to hide behind. So! lets make sure that we both do the internal work so that when its all said and done we look & feel our best.

Hi PSP :) - thanks for noticing that. Yes, I did consider "I want to..." or "I'm trying to..." but for the exact reason you pointed out I HAD to put down that I will do this, that "I am going to". This is no longer a question for me. I have wanted it for so long that it will happen!

And yes, I couldn't agree more, there are so many other issues that come with being overweight that must, must, must be worked through if we hope to truly succeed. And by succeed I mean reach our goals AND maintaining them! (I have a few D&M blog posts cooking, but they take time... If I'm going to bear my soul & really work through emotions & fears, I want to get it all out & word it exactly right!)

About Me

I am going to lose 105lbs in the next 12 months, and I'm going to do it the old fashioned way. Healthy eating, exercising regularly, balanced lifestyle, and the occasional venting and/or gushing about the whole damn thing.