Honesty From In-Between

It’s talk like a pirate day, did you know that? Don’t worry, I won’t be Arrrrghing and Ahoying anywhere on here, but I thought I would acknowledge it at least. Cause, COME ON. Anyhoo.

Oh, hi Chris Pine, how ya doing over there… Sigh. Moving on.

So, I have something I want to talk about. I’m going to get serious and honest and feely, something I don’t do often enough that maybe I should. In fact, my first instinct is not to be this honest, but I’ve never been one to conform, so why start now, right?

Recently, my agent and I parted ways. It’s okay, folks. It really is. She’s amazing and wonderful and she will bring something unique and insightful to anything she does. And we’re going to stay in touch, be friends, and I’m okay with this.

No, this isn’t a blog post announcing that I’ve found another agent. I haven’t.

Whew. There I said it. Boy, those posts are a lot easier to write than this one, let me tell you. But I think ones like this can be just as important. If not, then oh well, I’ve at least got it off my chest and I feel better. That’s something, right?

I’m in the early stage of querying, and I know I’m not supposed to talk about that. At least that’s what we’re told. Don’t talk about going on submission, don’t talk about querying. But I know you all know. Or you will. It’s really no secret. Yes, I’m taking a risk even talking about this, but I have all this… I don’t know. Stuff in me and I thought that this was the best outlet for it. I may wake up tomorrow and be dead wrong, but it’s like 2:30 in the morning and I couldn’t NOT write this.

It can seem when you are feeling your lowest that things may never happen. I know what that feels like. It was a blow to hear what I did, but every set back like that gives us the opportunity to improve on our best, or what we thought was our best. Rejection in any form can suck the marrow out of your bones, weaken you, make you feel like you’ll never get it right. And when you read authors who just… can write like that’s the reason they were put on this earth, it can get discouraging.

I mean half the time I think I’m writing Klingon for a bunch of non-Star Trek fans. That’s how it feels sometimes, but always, always in the back of my mind I think… someone has to speak it somewhere, ya know? SOMEONE will get me.

And it will happen. Someday. You have to believe that or well, shit. All of this rejection and pain and crap isn’t worth it, not really. Every time you hit these rocks in your path, you do learn something, gain a little more hard skin on your body so that you can withstand what comes next, but really? If we’re writing to eventually get published, or to publish again or publish better, or get a movie… you have got to believe it’s a possibility.

I think that’s what’s so hard about being in-between for me right now. Every day that goes by, I start thinking I’m more and more of a hack. Someone did love it once, so someone’s bound to love it again, right? That doubt that creeps in is enough to kill ya. or at least kill that beautiful spirit.

Don’t you dare let it. It would be SO easy for me to be pissed at the world, to be bitter at the industry and to be sad that the tables didn’t turn my way, or some other lame cliche’. But I’m not going to let myself. I won’t. Maybe that’s my blind optimism that my close friends know about and I probably drive them nuts with, but dammit, that’s all we have sometimes. HOPE.

So, I’m going to keep the faith, and even if I don’t get another agent with this MS or even the next. I write because I love it. I will keep writing because I love it.

I will not reject myself too. That’s just lame. And stupid.

Okay, it’s like almost 3am, and I have to get up early. I love you all. You are beautiful and I have faith in all of you.

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45 Responses to “Honesty From In-Between”

Thanks for this, Erica. Sometimes you just need to let it all out, don’t you?

But I agree. You have to focus on the fact that you HAD an agent. Like you said, someone loved it once and will again. And I’d be willing to bet it was more than one someone, that you have CPs who love your work too. You’re farther along than many of the rest of us querying, understand better what works and doesn’t. 🙂

PS: I love that the first label on this post is Chris Pine is hot. And I’m jealous that you get to live in Michigan, the Enchanted Mitten.

Good for you. It’s not easy, but I really believe the harder you fight for something, the sweeter it is at the other end. And as for the “don’t talk about it stuff”, there are a lot of “rules” in this industry, but you need to do what feels right for you. Follow your gut. Focus on how much you’re already achieved. (okay, now this is sounding all preachy and Tony Robbins, so I’ll sign off … LOL) Best wishes and best of luck coming your way : )

I’m sorry to hear this Erica. If anyone can persevere and come out stronger on the other end, it’s you. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’m amazed at how far you’ve come since we first met. Your stories kick ass and there are more agents and editors and readers out there who agree with me.

*hugs* Especially in a situation where it came out of nowhere and blindsided you all, I think it’s REALLY important to remember: This isn’t a fault in you. This is entirely a case of shit happens, and rolling with it’s the best thing to do. You’ll find another, hopefully even better connected agent who gets you too. (also, IMO? Not talking about it is more a rule of “Don’t complain and lambast the agents who reject you and make yourself look psycho”. This is more… “Here’s how this all makes me feel” in a very reasonable way. <3 Just remember to breathe in this roller coaster. It will work out. You're too talented for it not to.

Unsolicited advice:-An agent you owe 15% for over the life of your book. A literary attorney you pay once.

-An agent has a degree in English…and more often these days, trying to sell the their own books. A literary attorney studied law and contracts. Who do you want reading legalese?

-When the movie options come, hire…wait for it…an attorney that specializes in this. Again, a one time fee vs the life of the project.

I’m not saying don’t hire an agent, but it’s not the end of the world if someone isn’t sloughing off 15% from your work forever and ever amen.

Literary agents have a place, but don’t be afraid of sending your manuscript out…even if they say ‘no unsolicited manuscripts.’ I mean, name an editor or even a bottom floor lackey, who’s going to toss away the next big thing, just because it didn’t come by way of a middle man.

Posting anonymously, but yeah, just saying that it can be done. Good luck. Write on! Keep subbing (to publishers) and keep you head up.

I love you, Erica. You are one of the bravest people I know. Thank you for posting this. Sometimes this kind of honesty is so needed in this business. And don’t you dare forget you and your writing are freaking amazing!! <33

You are an inspiration, E. You are brave and honest and real. I know where you are, the in between. And you are so right – faith and hope are what will get you/any of us through. It will happen for you. Keep that positive attitude. Love & hugs.

Thanks for the honesty, Erica. I don’t even have an agent yet so I can’t say that I know what it’s like but your bravery/determination is amazing. Good luck on getting another agent! Oh and PS: Perfect GIF is perfect, haha. Chris Pine, with one of my favorite lines from the movie, too. <3

Oh, love, please let me say this first: my VERY favorite personalty trait of ALL is optimism. I love blind optimism, sighted optimism, every shade of optimism. 🙂 (and I just don’t think looking at life from a negative, the sky is always falling perspective is healthy or useful way to live a life. I mean, we have one quick go at this life thing, right? And we don’t know when our time is going to be up, so I am a firm believer in *queue the cliches* making the most of every second, finding the upside, making lemonade with vodka out of any sour lemons. It’s such a sad waste of precious time/life to spend time being negative.)

Anyway, I adore this honest, thoughtful post. I am 100% positive (so no doubt allowed!) that this will work out for the best for you. Like Dory says, Just Keep Swimming (and just keep writing the next book and the next)…it WILL happen for you. <3 And when it does you'll be in the best hands, hands that passionately love you and your writing (they'll be dying for some Klingon), and you'll appreciate it even more. I believe in you with all my heart, E. <3

Amazing post. Thanks for sharing. It’s easy to find excuses to give up sometimes, but the stronger person keeps believing. Keep the faith. It will happen and you’ll have a huge crowd cheering with you when it does 😉

I speak Klingon! You are so talented, Erica, and I have faith in you and your writing. Your writing has pulled at my heartstrings, made me get in touch with tough emotions, that is difficult to do as a writer, and you do it every time. I love you, man! Hugs!

I totally agree: That’s just lame. And stupid. Perhaps for different reasons, but all these feels stream through most of us. I halve full-confidence that you’ll channel this current situation into a great characterization in a future book. 😉 Hang in there. Keep climbing.

Good luck Erica! That in-between feeling has got to be horrible, but lots of people have been through it before you and gotten new representation . . . have you seen Dahlia write about that on her blog (The Daily Dahlia)? She went through the same thing. I thought her post was very enlightening.

Best of luck to you!! With that attitude, you will get there one way or another. I went through the same thing earlier this year, and it took 6 months of querying to find my new agent. I definitely faced the fact that it might not happen with this one, and was ready to move on to the next MS. It happened just when I was about to give up. So keep going!

I’m sorry to hear about your split with your agent. THANK YOU for sharing this post. I’ve been querying all year and it’s been hard not to feel discouraged by rejection. I have to admit, I’ve been acting very lame and stupid lately and letting it get me down. I can’t reject myself! I need to keep believing this dream will happen eventually.

Thank you! YES! It’s important to remember ;o) You know, I think that’s the one my boss/good friend quotes. But I will certainly look it up and watch it. Thank you so much! I love THAT sentiment! Show up and do the work, the rest is up to your genius. Good stuff.

Oh honey, I’m so proud of you. You’re amazing, you know that? You’re such an inspiration to me. I know so well what you’re going through. And that in-between place sucks so hard, but you inspire me to keep busting through, hanging in. You’re such a positive in my life, always lifting me up with your ceaseless optimism. It’s such a balm. But it pains me that you are in this place. I know how hard it is. Of all people, you shouldn’t be there. But that’s also how I know you’re going to pull out of it. Success will find you. Until then, keep at it, keep smiling and keep being the amazing person I know you are. Huge hugs, lovebug. HUGE.