Monday, June 13, 2011

On the Loss of my Baby Bruce

This past week has been the worst I've had in a really long time. Most of you know that Michael and I have boxers, and I also have a boxer at my mom and dad's. On Thursday, one of our dogs, Bruce, got sick. He didn't make it through the night. It was honestly the most pain I have felt in a really long time. It was awful watching him suffer, and then getting that call from Michael, well it felt like someone had stabbed me right in my heart. Anyone that knows me knows that my dogs are like my babies. I know that it hurts to lose a pet. We have had Duke, Bruce, Spike (Deanna's dog) and Daisy since they were born. I love Roxy more than she will ever know, but having them from the time they were born forged a special type of bond with them. It's taken me a couple days to even be able to write this; and I'm crying as I even start.

I miss him. I miss his sad eyes, his floppy ears, and the way he always smiled when he saw me driving up. He was the only one that would let me baby him. I miss playing with him, because he would fetch and his brother wouldn't. I remember him sitting on my lap. I remember holding him like a baby after Duke AKA Fat Boy got too big for me to hold. He was always my little boy. Seeing him made my days brighter. I loved the fact that he hated to have his picture taken, while his brothers were all up on my camera. He would always sit at the back and wait for me to pet him. He always looked sad, so I just automatically babied him more. He didn't like to ride in the car; he was scared to put his head out. He never was a rambunctious dog, he always wanted to love, rather than to pull or play. His demeanor was shy, he only would come up to certain people. He was such a mama's boy, he always wanted to love on him. He was his mother's (Roxy's) favorite boy, she always took up for him when his bully brothers were being mean to him. He was a follower, and usually the last to come to the fence when I had table scraps for them, because he was so scared. I loved his personality, it just made him so different from all his playful, rambunctious brothers and sisters. He looked and acted so much like my Roxy; it was that endeared him the most to Mike. I loved that he always looked dirtier than his brothers, because his white would be the same color of his brown back. I love that I've never seen a boxer that looked like my baby boy. I love that he always wanted me to scratch his belly. I love that whenever he was given a bath, he rolled around in the dirt to get dry. I love that I had to buy him a collar with spikes on it to protect his brothers from ripping his hair out. I love that he loved his mommy and daddy. I love that he was my baby. I love that he always stood behind Duke so that I couldn't see him. I love that he could outrun his brothers, and that he loved to hide from everyone.

I wish that there was something, anything I could do to have him back. To see those sad eyes one more time. To rub those floppy ears. To scratch his belly one more time. To pick him up and hold him again. Let him lick me on the cheek one more time. Let him play with his brothers, and get kissed by Roxy one more time. Just once more. Just to let him know that he always will have a special place in his mommy's heart. To let him to know that his daddy loves him more than he will ever know. To just hold him close to my heart and never have to let go.

Run like the wind baby boy. Never hurt again. Never suffer again. Never forget that we love you, never forget that you were my baby boy.