He Said/She Said: The Unspoken Rules of Sleeping Over

There’s something about spending the night with someone that makes you feel so content and appreciated. Not just the sex, mind you. There doesn’t even have to be sex. But sleeping over? Late night pillow talk and a warm body pressed against you? Amazing. Well, if it’s done right. In order for it to be done right, both parties should at least adhere to the following sleeping over guidelines…

DON’T hog the bed.

Especially if you are the guest! Taking up 90% of your own bed with splayed limbs and spread out hair is perfectly fine (actually, it’s divine). But in someone else’s bed it’s not ideal. Even if it’s your own bed, relinquish a little space to your guest; there’s not much point in having them there otherwise. Same with blankets — leaving someone with an inch of blanket and nary a pillow is selfish! If you really need to, buy more pillows.

DO give warning if you have to leave early.

Dashing out of bed early in the morning and leaving while your bedfellow is still asleep is just plain rude. If you must leave early, let them know the night before so that they don’t immediately label you an asshat for loving and leaving.

DON’T cuddle when it’s sleepy time.

Cuddles are amazing. Spooning is fantastic. But when I’m trying to sleep, you’re too damn hot! When it’s time to get some actual sleeping done, move away and let sleep be had.

DO clean up after yourself.

Yes, throw out the condoms, tissues, lube and other miscellany that are scattered around. Pick up your knickers and don’t leave you’re shoes lying right where I’m going to trip over them. If you’re the last person out of the bed, make it. Maybe I’m just a neat freak, but tidiness shows respect in my opinion.

DON’T fart in bed.

Unless you’re a very comfortable couple, farting in bed is unacceptable. I know, I know, it’s natural and all that jazz, but unless you guys are in proper relationship territory, it’s nice to maintain the illusion a little. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.

DO know when to shut up.

I like talking to you, yes. Murmuring quietly to each other in the dark is nice. But when my replies become nondescript “mmmmm”s, it’s time to be quiet because I’m probably mostly asleep.

DON’T snore.

Easier said than done if you’re a snorer, but at least make an effort. If you have a cold or sinus issues, apologise in advance and try to sleep on your side. Tell your bedfellow to wake you up if it’s bothering them – even if they don’t, they’ll appreciate you inviting them to do so.

In short, when it comes to sleeping over, it’s good to be a considerate, polite house guest. I’d not be best pleased if any bed buddy of mine exhibited any of these selfish behaviours, so keep good manners in mind. By the way, bonus points for making coffee and/or breakfast in the morning!