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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The concept is simple: take an otherwise passable cake, and then stick a completely unrelated piece (or pieces) of plastic flotsam on it. Voila! Flotsam plop.

Oh, and when I say "completely unrelated," I mean "completely unrelated."

And lo, unto us a carrot cake is borne. And high, we suspecteth the Wreckerator was. Eth.

Look, this carrot cake was doing just fine without divine accompaniment - so why the plastic angel pick? Did the Wreckerator think that was actually helping, or was s/he meeting some flotsam distribution quota?

Care to pick a pack of plops?

The migrating guitar herd strikes again.

Here's how you pander to fanboys and fangirls everywhere:

No, no, it's not a blue dog - it's a BAT dog. Sha-pow!

Plus, that upside-down bat logo tells us he sticks to the ceiling!

Bringing "downward facing dog" to new heights.

Perhaps you don't think these examples have been ridiculous enough, though. Nooo problem. What would you say to Dora the Explorer's head stuck in another doll cake's lap?

Personally, I'd say "Hola, Dora! S-O-C-K-S!" Because that's all the Spanish I know. I never learned what it means, though, so here's hoping it's not something dirty. (Although, frankly, that might be appropriate here.)

I have some thoughts about the snowman in the gal's lap behind Dora, too, but for all our sakes I'll leave that to you guys in the comments.

So, just how bad is the flotsam plop epidemic getting?

This bad:

Because even cake sold by-the-slice needs accessorizing.And Superman beats everybody at bowling.

That carrot cake reminds me I need to put out some more cockroach traps.

By the way, in Spanish "S-O-C-K-S" means ... but of course, you know what it means, or you wouldn't have written it here. It's part of a famous joke, which I will leave to the other 80,000 Epcotists to write here. Ich bin ein Berliner.

Hey, let us not mock other people's religions. Sure, maybe you and I don't understand the religious significance of that carrot, or why it needs to be herald by an angel, but I'm sure there's a good reason.

After all, I've had some cakes that were religious experiences - they just didn't involve icing carrots.

I love that someone other than me remembers the S-O-C-K-S commercial. (Granted, I shouldn't be surprised that you'd be the one to remember and reference it.)*

Also, not only would Superman beat everyone at bowling, but you could write an entire (bad) comic around him going bowling. It would be a charity bowling event, where donations are made per pin, so it's vital that he knock them all down. Most pins would just be crushed by the force of his throws, and any really stubborn pins could be knocked over with his breath. If he ever got a gutter ball, he'd just fly around the world fast enough to go back in time for a do over. Of course, Lex Luthor would try to spoil the whole thing by replacing the hand chalk with kryptonite dust. Umm...maybe I'm spending too much time thinking about this.

Most of these are grotesque, yeah, but I really don't see anything wrong with the second one. I take it to be a birthday cake for a guy who's really into guitars, and decorated appropriately -- what's the problem?

Part of my job in little Metropolis, IL is to come up with new Superman merchandise to sell to fans and I never once thought lets stick shield flotsom ina slice of cake next to a bowling pin. I can't say as the local grocery store ever has either.

Back to the wrecks, I really think the individual cake slice gets overlooked quite often when it comes to decorating...I'd really like to see some fuzzy pipe cleaner animals with googly eyes or maybe some dried flowers, cause really, the plastic flotsom is just so mundane :D

There was a radio ad in the 90s for a product purporting to teach Spanish with simple techniques. This was given as an example, and translated as, "that's what it is."

I don't remember the entire commercial, but I do recall a certain radio personality with a short-lived TV program being puzzled when his audience called out, "eso si que es" when he was saying something about Socks (probably referencing then-President Clinton's cat).

"The migrating guitar herd"Love it--hilariosity!!!!NOW-- are they winging (or stringing) their way East, West, North, South, or just straight to Hell, is what I'd like to know.As for Little Miss Green Dress with the snowman "icon"...It *could* be that she represents the growing trend toward frigidity among doll cake decorations. There's "cause celebre " for everything, these days.=^-.-^=

I actually get why some of these are on there...they're stupid plastic junky ring toys that are extra "goodies" for the kids eating the cake. And having seen a gaggle of toddlers go crazy for otherwise crappy cupcakes that have Sesame Street rings jammed in them, or even my own kid look longingly at the bins of character rings at the cake supply store, I can sorta kinda understand the desire to shove 'em anywhere that fits.

That being said, it's lame design-wise. And nothing excuses upside-down-bat-dog.

I thought this site was about posting private bakery cakes, not those from chain store bakeries. I recognize a Publix (southeast grocery chain)label on one of the cakes (yes, I am that fat, lol). I dunno...these all look like grocery store cakes to me ://.

there is enough scatological source material in these wrecks to make Sigmund Freud up his coke intake by magnificent volumes. Were he alive that is. The Dora positioning... maybe the baker wants to do some exploring of her own.. well...won't go there... As for the slice of wreck..well clearly Superman can throw a heck of a lane splitter perhaps the baker wants to too so I am chalking it up to wish fulfillmentt which falls neatly in line with the Sophos yearnings of the Dora baker. The Guitar Herds is interesting, the implied arc of the rather well.. small phallic symbolism arcing perfectly over the number 50... The baker has gently suggested that perhaps the prime breeding years have gone by yet the dentures can still handle some sponge like sugary mass so man up Steven time to get macho. The blue dog? Latent issues with a father figure I suspect, a "please recognize my unique diabetic inducing blueness daddy" cry for help. Guess that baker was part of the IronJohn movement back when. Sigh*.. THe spiritual Nature of the carrot jockey experience is clearly being symbolized and referenced just for you Jen, Some poor 8 dollar and hour baker is silently acknowledging the cultural tour de force that is the cakewreck influence while trying to not tip off the 8.29 per hour shift manager that the carrot jockey revolution is underway. An age of enlightenment has begun by your hand, with luck in a few years this could mean the presidency. Don't tell anyone.

@Miranda:At Cake Wrecks, "Professional" cakes means cakes that aren't homemade. Cakes that were made in a bakery of some kind. Cakes that the baker/decorator expects someone to purchase with their hard-earned dollars. Whether the bakery is in a supermarket or not is not the point. The point is that the "professional" has such (a) poor skills, (b) low standards, (c) apathy, (d) a lack of creativity or (e) a frosting and flotsam fetish, and yet has the chutzpah (look it up) to charge full price for his/her wrecky creations. Jen's genius is that she has found a way to tranform sugary tragedy and WTF-ery into sweet comedy ROFLMAO-itude.I Heart This Blog!-joules

I love your little tribute to Shakespeare. I think it was Billy S. It looked like it. I am reading Rom & Jul in class so I'd like to add my own little tribute:"To crosseth vanilla icing-eth I dare not-eth dream, but the divine messenger of heaven-eth do-eth dare. All for the sake-eth of the holiest-eth carrot-blesséd." Did you know that Mr. Shakes wrote in iambic pentameter? that means five beats per line. It is unbelievably difficult. So to quote the famous Georgia Nicolson:

"I was being the prologue person and I was giving it my all at the front (oo-er). I said:"Two households both alike in dignity,In fair Verona (where we lay our scene)From ancient grude break to"--(and I couldn't resist the comedy opportunity)--"From ancient grudge break to new nudity, Where civil pants makes civil pants unclean."

I honestly don't know what to say to these.. but that angel on the carrot cake makes me wonder if maybe the cake is past its expiration date and if you buy it you will need an angel to save your life lol. All the others are needlessly ruined by those pic things.. why oh why did they do it???

Great post :)Did anyone else notice, in the doll cake photo, the sign for "elephant ears $1.39 ea"? I know it's probably like one of those "bear claw" things, just a name, but doesn't make it any less creepy but also funny. Unless, of course, it's literal.

@ EM:Yeah, I saw that; it does sound TASTY, huh?Here's what my intensive (NOT) research uncovered about the goodies:**** Elephant Ears (pastry)"Elephant ears” are sugary, fried dough pastries that are popular at state fairs. In Mexican bakeries, the same pastries are called orejas (ears). Other names for elephant ears include elephant tracks, knee patches, Swiss nothings, hocu-pocus crispies, angel wings, beaver tails (Canada), and langos (pronounced “langosh") chrusciki (Polish pastry).

“Elephant ears” were sold in bakeries as a kind of Danish pastry by the 1950s and 1960s. The 1919 and 1939 citations of “elephant ears” (below) are probably different than the pastry.~~~~~~~Eh--that's enough. I personally LOVE the alternate name "KNEE PATCHES"!=^~.~^=

Actually, nobody's mentioned the funniest thing about that ad, unless I missed it in scrolling. To wit: That course used lame tricks to simplify. The first ad had a woman lamenting that she could not learn another language; the announcer asks her if she can spell "socks". "S-O-C-K-S" she says. "Well," he says, "in Spanish, 'eso si que es' means 'That's what I want!'" The ad ended with the announcer saying, "If learning a new language is what YOU want, call..." and he gave the number. Only problem was, that is NOT what "eso si que es" means. It ran constantly on the radio and for any Latino/a it must have been like nails on a chalkboard! But one day, I heard the ad and right after she spelled "socks", the announcer said, "Well, in Spanish, that means--" and here there was a slight pause for the splice in the tape. The announcer's voice continued in a rather bad match-up, "that's what it is!" Which of course made no sense, and made the tie-in with the ending totally nonsensical. I always wondered if anyone got as much of a laugh out of that fix-up as I did, but I've never heard anyone mention it til now! They should have just yanked it-- after all, they had another one for "lo siento" ("I'm sorry"), in which the mnemonic association was "I feel so low I see into my toes." Honest! Such a woebegone campaign seems appropriate to commemorate, somehow, for this site! :)

Great post! From my understanding, "Eso si que es"(S-O-C-K-S) is "it is what it is". My Dad taught me that. Another handy phrase in espanol: "Su es muy loco en la cabasa!", which translates to: "you are very crazy in the head". Have fun with that one...:)

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