God is with her, she will not fall. God will help her at break of day.

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I think it’s time for a brain drain. (I am going to try my hardest to make this makes sense, coherent, and try not to jump around)

I’m gunna start out by saying that I have the best family and friends a girl could ever ask for. They have done nothing but support and encourage me and everything that I have ever wanted to do. With that being said, there are some things that they just don’t understand, and can never understand no matter how hard they try.

I believe that when things happen to you, whether they are good or bad, they shape you into the person you were meant to be. It puts you in a certain “mind frame/set.” Most people learn to walk around a year old, and they just continue doing so until the day they die. They do not know any different, it’s just something that they do. Something normal, something that they do without thinking, something that is often too many times taken for granted. I used to be one of those people. I started walking at nine months,and never imagined that I would ever stop. That something as simple as walking could ever be taken away from me. I was wrong.

When I first got sick I was thirteen years old, I was still walking. It was just a little slower compared to everyone else. I became completely dependent on a wheelchair a little after my fifthteenth birthday. Previous to this I had never known anyone who was in a wheelchair. I had seen them, yes, but I had never had any friends who were dependent on them; even after my many many stays in multiple hospitals.Throughout my transitioning process from being an “AB” (able-bodied) to someone who depended on something other than their own two legs to get somewhere, my friends and family were by my side; ready to do/be whatever I needed them to. While I was doing this I was still in an “AB” mind frame, if that makes any sense. In my mind I was still my old self, before the sickness took over. A lot of people understand that dealing with major transitions like this take time and patience,but I think a lot of the times they just think, “Oh, all you have to do is get used to the idea that you just can’t use your legs anymore.” While that is technically true, there are so many more things that go into it. I will be the first to admit, that before I got sick I had all these preconceived stereotypes,and didn’t even think about any of this stuff. I never gave it a first or second thought, but since I was handed this card in life, my eyes are still- to this day seeing/understanding things that I have never understood about spinal cord injuries.

What I’m trying to get at is that the difference between empathy and sympathy is understanding rather than just acknowledging. Throughout the different stages of having to come to terms with how my life was panning out, all I had was sympathy, and I by no means am saying that was a bad thing. All my friends and family were there for me, and they tried their hardest to put themselves in my shoes, and tried to see where I was coming from, but no matter how hard they tried they didn’t get it. Even the doctors, who saw patients like me every day didn’t get it, and hopefully they never have to. Of course, I could call my best friend and vent to her about anything and everything, and she would just listen and give me advice if I asked; but sometimes what I needed was someone to say “Hey, I have been there, and it’s not the end of the world. It gets better, I promise.”

Empathy, though, is understanding. People who empathize with you get where you are coming from, because they have been there. They have either been in the same, or a very similar circumstance. I think that is what I missed going through this hardship. I was never around people who were struggling with the same things I was struggling with. I never have the chance to talk to someone whose life was changed in a split second as drastically as mine was. No matter how much training as a PT/OT you go through, or how many people you "reteach" to do things that they've done a certain way up until the injury, you don't get it. Sometimes there are things that I want to say or talk about, and “AB”people won’t understand. I would still talk to them about it, but inside their head, I’m willing to bet they’re saying something along the lines of “Umm,okay. I kinda see what you’re saying…but not really.”

The reason I’m writing about this now is because this past weekend I went to an event sponsored by RISE (www.riseadaptivesports.org/wp/) at the Grapevine Lake, and met so many amazing people. I would sit there and be talking to someone, and somehow get on a topic that I’ve never talked about with any of my friends before. That, to me is weird because I tell my friends everything; but while I was talking with them, it just dawned on me that these people understand, they get where I am coming from. I don’t have to use every descriptive word in my vocabulary just to get them to semi-picture what I was trying to say.

For once in my life, I kinda felt at peace; with life in general and with the fact that for the time being, for whatever reason, whether I like it or not, I’m in a wheelchair. And, hey, it’s not the end of the world. It gets better, I promise.

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2 Comments

Just wanted to say I don't know you... But I understand the terror and the struggle of battling tooth and nail for your health...and begging God to help you see the purpose and beauty in life, still. That "God has plans to prosper us," is one of my most favorite verses. And the name of your website is the last verse that I read which really stuck out to me. Feel free to connect with me online, my Instagram is Krysta.leanne. It's hard battling through this life and I always love having new warriors beside me. I battle with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue (amongst other things-hormonal/adrenal/thyroid imbalances, malnutrition, depression, insomnia, etc) and have had my share of loss in this life as well. Your story made me cry...I'm thankful you're able to declare those verses about your life as I try to for mine! Be strong!!! Although I bet You are probably more strong than anyone you know!! 💕💕💕

Ps I'm not sure if you will like this song but it speaks so loud to me...as I feel like it captures the terror and pain of life...the pure rawness of it, but at the same time declares that God is bigger...and it just wows me! I declare this song on the bad days (Shane & Shane -psalm 46) !!! And "God of Miracles" is amazing too! ☺️