Friday, June 6, 2008

Find some reasonable app from another platform (Windows, Mac, KDE, whatever, but preferably, Mac). Bonus points if there are already 3 other gtk-based alternatives who don't want to integrate with Gnome.

You MUST have a g somewhere in the gname. Extra credit if you can make it a "gn". If you can use "gnu" or "gno" or "gna" you're are gnawesome, and your app is already worth using. Make sure the name of your app bears no relevance to what it actually does. Also, NEVER document if the g is pronounced with the hard-g sound.

Use at least two object frameworks. Three is even better. I mean the "O" in Gnome stands for object, after all. Take your pick from Corba/Orbit/Bonobo/D-bus. Make sure at least one of them works over the network, but make sure your app never actually uses it over the network.

Remind yourself that OO in C is not so bad. assert(gtk_no_really_its_not_so_bad). Also, remind yourself that GTK+ is way better than Qt because it has no commercial company writing code for it. So, you know, it's more free, or something, and it's got a + in the name.

Generate wrappers for every conceivable language, but make sure none of them work exactly how you want. Inisist that your distros package each wrapper in a separate package.

Explain to at least three other programmers how glib doesn't really have much to do with gnome. Because they care.

Don't forget a Tango Icon!

Make sure your app builds on windows, but looks like ASS.

Enumerate all the features you want your app to have.

Cut 90% of them. Because they're hard to do. But tell everyone that they don't actually need that feature.

Implement 2% of them. Hide the other 8% in gconf. Hide them well.

Your interface must not have more than 4 buttons.

Make sure it depends on at least four other libraries with g's in their name. That raises your apps' gnomyness

Don't use Mono, because you are spreading your STD's to everyone. No, wait, use Mono, because it will make you way insanely more productive. Wait, no, don't use Mono, because if you do, some freetard distro that nobody uses won't distribute your app.

Depend on a module that is "heading toward planned deprecation" so that it will now be "at the end of the Obama presidency we will almost have consensus of heading toward a planned deprecation over 20 years."

Ressure yourself that even if your app sucks, at least it follows the HIG.

And btw, I know y'all are using adblock to avoid my fucking ads ok? (or subscribing to my feed because I can't fucking figure out how to put ads on that damn thing) At least digg me, you cheap bastards.

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flames:

* Make sure you chase all subversion code of all libraries in subversion, and incorporate all possible unreleased functions into your source code. And make sure your code indeed requires newest pre and beta versions of dependencies. Don't use anything older, and you'll be praised as fashionable.* Make sure you visit bugzilla once per 5 years. And just pick those you want to do anyway, leaving other bug reports intact. Others will help you closing bugs as OBSOLETE.* If others are telling you there are bugs in other ways and you don't agree, simply tell them they are just lower life forms that don't have power to challenge gods, fuck with themselves and stop bothering you.* Announce it in gnome-i18n mailing list. Translators would help you localize in Old English, Gothic and 1000 other languages though you never release the software.* Make sure you are present on IRC 24/7/52, and keep chatting and chatting with core GNOME developers. That will benefit you more than you have ever imagined.* You must write something about it on planet. Everybody do. You look stupid if you don't.* If you plan to write something that would be useful for integration into GNOME core, make sure you get agreement from every and each core GNOME developer and their dogs before writing, otherwise prepare for your hard work to be denounced as inappropriate, stupid, suck or evil (or any 2-word combination out of above 4).* If you plan to abandon your software, just keep bumping version every 6 months without doing anything else. Your software will still be touted as active, and you enjoy free fame without doing anything. What else can be a better deal?

And you must be from the GNOME camp because these points were far less incisive than the ones brought up about KDE yesterday. And that's not due to lack of things to criticise, as abel has pointed out.

That uncyclopedia thing is actually parody. I helped coauthoring some of the content (though majority of contribution comes from Simos), so I know most of the content are not appropriate here. This is not supposed to be joking only, though that may just well be my wish only.

Btw, if the ultimate reason for building a site is just for money or for enjoying fame, and not bringing anything useful for readers, then that site would lose my respect.

For record, I have adblock/noscript on all my browsers used. I have responsibility to protect my own computer from any potentially harmful stuff security-wise.

"And btw, I know y'all are using adblock to avoid my fucking ads ok? (or subscribing to my feed because I can't fucking figure out how to put ads on that damn thing)"

Other tech bloggers don't seem to have trouble putting ads in their RSS feeds. If only SOMEONE were willing to pay for quality software and support (maybe from Apple or Microsoft) instead of signing up for a free Blogger account, he wouldn't have to bother trying to figure out technical minutiae like this...

yhea. gtk is very bad. I would like gtk to be better than MFC or Qt but it does not. I would like to make apps with GTK (it's free and open!) but docs does not exists, and Qt is better. So I develop with Qt 40h/week and it sucks (moc'ing.. that is very ugly) To GTK main developers... Gtk2.x needs to to be put on the shelves. Put all features planned for gtk3 in the trash and go straight to gtk4 with a paradigm shift.

There are ways to get around adblock, young padawan learner. However, they take effort. If you diverted some of your energy from trying to do the impossible (changing the minds of FOSS cult members) to something possible (bypassing adblock), you could make money off your hate.

* Say how great Vala is and that it rocks all other languages, but in the end don't use it as you already started your project in another language and don't want to switch now or because it is missing important bindings that you need.

You would like GTK to be better than MFC? It already is! Xaw is better. Win32s is better. MFC started life as a parody of a C++ wrapper masquerading as a framework, but Bill and Steve didn't get the joke.

You can always sit and start making something else better, while free at the same time. While some are trying to make something out of it, you seem to be trying to get some more attention by flaming the work of others.

this article made me cry.. i only clicked this link by coincedence, i love linux =) but really you've got a choice between hundreds of dollars for an os you are most likely to reinstall atleast twice the same year you get it, and then theres a free os that needs a bit of help, and could be better if windows people got off their lazy asses and made a switch =) btw mac is based on linux sooo.. yeah... mac can dis windows but linux cant?

Sorry that I wasted some time reading this senseless crap. Not that desktop environments aren't bloated and mostly useless :)And yes, I'm proud to have ads blocked via privoxy. Sorry, no Web 2.x virus-click for digg. Blogger is a free service, afterall.Perhaps a positive point was chosing blogger as it can still work with noscript, even if they can't fix their image Mime types :))

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You had me at 'hello', I mean "Generate wrappers for every conceivable language, but make sure none of them work exactly how you want. Inisist that your distros package each wrapper in a separate package."

Reminds me of how they recently packaged celestia in Ubuntu; If you want to use real skins of the moon so it's not just a white ball, you now have to install 'celestia-common-nonfree'. A newb would never know that, but who cares, right?

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