January 8, 2009

I wish that low-quality Drama — solemn tones of voice, mood lighting, pregnant pauses in speech, teary monologues, catty confrontations — were a tangible substance, something that could be packaged in a bag, bottle or box and sold as a commodity.

Because if it were … I would buy it all up, every bit. I would raise the price so sky-high that truffles, saffron and caviar, by comparison, would be as cheap as Vienna sausages. And then I would give the bad news to all those reality TV shows out there.

I figure that in about three months, about 90 percent of them would no longer be able to afford their particular stock in trade and would be off the air. And the ones that could afford it would be making my bank account look like Warren Buffet’s.