Do I stand by my husband’s decision regarding his family? My husband has a very critical and judgmental sister that he has decided to cut ties with.

The main issue is my husband’s mother lives with the sister, so cutting ties with the sister also alienates the mother.

His sister has two children, so it also alienates her children. His mother is theatrical and slightly emotionally manipulative. She seems to be a maid for my husband’s sister, cooking, cleaning and raising her children.

His sister has selective memory, a double standard actively insults his achievements and blames us for letting the family fall apart because we do not visit enough (we average about one visit every six weeks).

Her two children have no manners making the visits with them very uncomfortable for us. My husband finally tried to have a conversation with her so she can explain why she feels this way about us. She refused to discuss it but held tight to her believes that we are the demise of the family. That was the last straw for him. I think it broke his heart.

I suspect this is rooted in jealousy, in his sister’s mind, I believe, my husband was supposed to be the loser of the family but in reality, he is very successful and highly educated with a happy marriage, and she can’t stand it.

I also suspect she resents my husband for not being a surrogate father figure for her two children she decided to have on her own with a sperm donor. That is why in her mind we should be over at her house every other weekend.

My husband works two jobs and has recently finished his master’s degree and has his own home and family to care for. He has tried to have a relationship with his niece and nephew but cannot devote the time that would make his sister happy.

My husband decided to go no contact with his sister to preserve his mental health. But because of this, he does not want to go anywhere near that side of town to even see his mother (his mother is on his sister side).

Our daughter now does not see her grandmother or her cousins. Is this wrong? I have gently brought up my concerns, but he is adamant that for his emotional health he needs to cut ties and move on and spend his energy on people who appreciate him.

Do I support my husband’s decision and let my daughter grow up without knowing that side of the family? I do not like his side of the family, but I’m trying to think of the big picture and my daughter’s future.

Your mother-in-law and sister-in-law sound as if they may have a personality disorder.

Both appear to have a histrionic disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

If you google those names, you will see the traits your in-laws are exhibiting unrealistic expectations, never being wrong, being manipulative, being controlling and demanding, jealous of the success of another family member.

It appears that your sister-in-law is the stronger personality disordered individual.

When you read about these disorders, you will quickly see that it is likely for the best that your children do not have contact with these people.

Personality disordered people can inflict a lot of covert emotional damage. It’s best not to expose your children to them too often, if at all.