‘Revenge’: You Can’t Keep A Good Mistress Down

Last week, Emily (Emily VanCamp) made sure that Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) knew she had an ex-husband. On this week’s episode of “Revenge,” “Secrecy,” we got the rather anticlimactic payoff. Fortunately, the surprise comeback more than made up for it, as did Nolan and Aiden becoming roomies. Read on for a wedding shower, a hand- me-down sex apartment, a fake pregnancy and a return from the dead.

Shower Scene

Daniel (Joshua Bowman) was so over Emily, which was problematic since their co-ed wedding shower was the next day. He showed up at the farmer’s market so he could stalk his townie ex Sara (Annabelle Stephenson). Perhaps Emily and Daniel could rekindle their romance by discussing their common interest in people from the wrong side of the tracks. Despite Victoria’s approval of them getting back together, Sara was determined to fight her attraction for Daniel because she didn’t want to be a homewrecker. Since they aren’t married yet, that wouldn’t seem to be an issue, but on this show, poor people are saints so she was determined to be noble. Emily also paid Sara a visit, first warning her to stay away from her fiance, then “crying” about how stressed out she was because Victoria disapproved of her. Sara fell for her crocodile tears and told Victoria she was turning down her offer to help break them up.

Bachelor Pad Number One

Since Victoria kicked him out, Aiden (Barry Sloane) moved in with Nolan (Gabriel Mann), creating jealousy for Jack (Nick Wechsler). Sure, he couched it in concern over Aiden’s sketchiness, but he did not like having a bromantic rival. Jack told Emily he did not feel good about her leaving town with the man who strong-armed him into sending his son away. Emily rightly pointed out he can hardly pass judgment on what she does after she leaves town since he was the one who gave her a revenge deadline. Nolan bragged that he made People’s Sexiest Man Alive issue right after Joel McHale. It’s disappointing that the actual People magazine does not select such appealing men. In the episode’s most entertaining scene, Nolan laid down a list of house rules for Aiden, including “I’m on the rebound, so b*tch don’t ruin my vibe.” A spin-off about Nolan, Aiden and Jack moving into the apartment from “Three’s Company” would be the greatest show in television history.

Jack, who still would not admit even to himself that he wanted Emily back, grilled Aiden about whether or not he planned to live happily ever after with Emily. Aiden mocked Jack’s puppy love and warned him to back off.

Watch Sunday Night’s Episode of “Revenge” Below:

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Bachelor Pad Number Two

After informing Margaux that he was taking his autobiography to another publisher, Conrad gave Daniel a present: a key to the secret Manhattan apartment where he shagged his mistresses. It’s been in the family for generations. Daniel was appalled, but Conrad earnestly advised him not to “marry his mistress.”

Charlotte’s Web(site)

Someone was blackmailing Charlotte (Christa B. Allen) over some nude photos she took in Europe. She told Aiden, who promised to get rid of them. He used Charlotte’s computer to set up a meeting with the creep. When he showed up, he beat him half to death in front of a horrified Jack. Aiden then told Nolan he got all the information they needed for Emily’s master plan from Charlotte’s computer and asked him to help with something so top secret even Emily could not know about it. Jack told Emily about the beat down and questioned if she really knew Aiden. She retorted that he did not know her anymore, then softened and shared that when they were children she used to wish on a star that things would never change.

At the shower, Victoria surprised Emily during a “This Is Your Life” game with her ex-husband, Roland. Victoria had been led to believe that Emily married an older rich man for his money. In fact, Roland turned out to be both gay and European. He explained that Emily married him so he could get his green card and stay in America with his true male love. Emily explained to Nolan that Roland was another student at Takeda’s school for revenge who completed his mission and lived happily ever after. Victoria looked spiteful while Emily looked like a great friend. However, Daniel saw it as another secret she kept from him. Sara told Daniel that she could not bake his wedding cake, revealing that Victoria wanted her to break up his engagement. Daniel took Sara to the Grayson Sex Apartment and told her that he realized Emily was just like Victoria. He gave her back a diamond necklace that he kept after her car accident and made a speech about how he held it while he was waiting to learn if she survived. If he gave it back, she could have sold it to pay her medical bills. Just saying. They kissed, but Sara told him she would not go further until he broke up with Emily. Victoria gave Emily a gift: a phone number for the not-so-secret apartment. She phoned and a butler answered. She could hear Daniel’s voice in the background.

The Oldest Trick in the Book

When Daniel tried to break up with Emily, she interrupted by confessing to visiting Sara at the farmer’s market. She claimed that she felt so out of sorts afterward that she went to the doctor. She handed him a box containing a sonogram and claimed that she was pregnant. He’d be an idiot to believe her, but this is the same family that bought a bogus Huntington’s disease diagnosis.

Nobody Ever Actually Dies in a Plane Crash on an ABC Show

Margaux (Karine Vanasse) was still pursuing a story about the Grayson family secrets. She went to the city to meet with a source: Conrad’s presumed dead mistress Lydia!