When you're 84

Who/what do you plan to be when you're 84? Alive? okay, we'll grant you that, but what else? Anyone here plan to be a Little Old Lady? or an Old Geezer?

Describe how you plan to live your life at that stage.

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

By the time I am 84 I expect I will begin to be able to think about retiring. I do intend to take advantage of my golden years to make life a living hell for those around me, particularly in government, retail, restaurants, and, well, just everywhere. Complain, drive too slowly, walk too slowly, take forever to read the menu while others wait impatiently in line behind me, talk about the way things were back in the day, show up at plan commissiona nd city council meetings to rant about items that are not even on the agenda.... You know, just have fun.

Oh, and I want to spend a lot of my time traveling, hiking with the dogs, and just taking in the world around me. Sort of like I do now.

When I am 84 . . .

I wanna live it like Hef!

I am probably gonna live it like some penisioner. Counting my pennies. Eating the dinner special at the senior center at 4:30 p.m. Buying cat food that both the cat and I will like. Reminding my son that I supported him for his first twenty-so years. Watching "Wheel of Fortune." In the summer I plan to seat on the porch and yell at the neighborhood kids to get the hell off my lawn before I turn the sprinklers on them. Ogle the hunnies. And I plan to turn my car blinkers on when I hit 75 and leave them on until I die.

"I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

I'm going to be Jack LaLanne Version 2.0. I'll do my 2 hours of weight training plus calisthenics in the morning while wearing my sweat bands, long socks, and shorts pulled up to my sternum. I'll challenge young whippersnappers to armwrestling contests and other feats of strength. I'll complain about how weak and pathetic kids are these days and how they don't know the meaning of hard work and sacrifice. Then I'll probably hit up the local public pool in my speedo and watch the young ladies in their bathing suits while occasionally striking front double bi poses.

I'm going to be the eccentric old lady in a floppy straw hat, barn boots, and blue jeans living in a double-wide out in the boonies and tending my gardens and my critters ... and if you think you're gonna mess with my cats or steal my pumpkins, I'll pepper your butt with buckshot!

If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich. -- John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961

when I'm 84
I'm going to wear a cool hat and walk with a cane
And shout at anyone that mentions my name
"Huh?" "what's that?"
I'll drink before four
At dinner I'll snore
When I walk down the street
I will sexually harass all the women I meet
I can't wait until I'm 84