Psychologist weighs in on questions kids have after school shooting

A nationally certified school psychologist is offering tips for parents to help field questions from their children in the wake of the deadly massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.

Wade Allen

A nationally certified school psychologist is offering tips for parents to help field questions from their children in the wake of the deadly massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut.

As children view graphic, saddening images on television and hear dramatic recounts from people dealing with the aftermath of the shooting, they often want to know the basics — who would commit such an act and why?

Psychologist Bryan Greeson, director of special services in York County, S.C., School District One, said kindergarteners and first-graders often ask different, less detailed questions than students in middle school.

While there is no need for people to bury their heads in the sand, parents who refrain from showing young children emotional news coverage are ahead of the curve. Greeson recommends parents remain calm and collected in front of their children to relieve the stress burden.

“If the kids hear things, (parents) definitely need to answer their questions but you answer it real basic,” he said. “Answer the question but don’t go into too much detail about the tragedy of it.”

Questions from young children

Younger students are often worried about their personal safety after a dangerous incident. Parents should reassure them that what happened in Connecticut was an event that people work to keep from happening again, he said.

Parents can answer their children’s questions by explaining that the shooting is a rare occurrence and reassuring them of their own safety.

“Tell the kids we don’t know why people do this. Our world is doing everything to make things more safe, but sometimes things just happen, like a car accident,” Greeson said.

“I think as parents in front of our kids, we need to show them that we’re in control and be very reassuring,” he said. “When parents get so upset and they’re in front of the TV and they’re crying in front of the children, young children don’t get that at all.”

Questions from older children

Parents can take a different approach when answering questions posed by their older children, such as those in the fifth or sixth grade.

Greeson recommends parents turn the tables when a question is asked. Respond by asking the child what they are thinking and what their friends are saying about the tragedy.

Greenson said he wouldn’t be surprised if some local students were afraid to attend classes on Monday. But the geographical separation between Gaston County and Newtown, Conn., should help ease those fears.

Letting children know it’s OK for them to touch base with a school counselor or teacher is also recommended. Greeson said if a child is having particular fears in the wake of a tragedy, sometimes the counselor or teacher can keep an eye on them and make sure everything is all right.

But when it comes to perhaps the most common question — “What caused the shooting?” — it’s OK to be up front with the child.

“Sometimes the parents’ best answer is ‘We don’t know,’” Greeson said. “Some things we don’t have an answer for.”