One Minute He's Getting A Blowjob, The Next He's Getting "Swallowed Alive"

And it could happen to you, too! You think just because you stay away from Charybdis and the Sarlacc that you won't be consumed by some all-powerful female? Clearly, you don't watch enough porn.

It doesn't matter how big your cock is or what kind of diet you keep: someone out there, right now, is thinking about how delicious you are. Be happy about it! The food chain loops around in a very sexy way and someday your link may be sucked into the cheeks of some deserving cutie pie.

Take Lexington Steele, for example: he's one of the greatest male pornstars of all time, and he packs a legendary pole in his pants, so it seems like no problem for him to take on Heather Starlet and Casey Cumz at the same time. The girls warm each other up with some pussy licking, but the sight of his shlong is what gets them soaking wet and ready to screw. Heather guides Lex's dick into Casey's sweet pussy, making Casey gasp as he hits her limit and keeps pushing. Lex thinks he has the upper hand in this threesome, but while the girls are casually slurping Casey's juices off his cock, they swallow him alive! Don't believe us? Then tell us: where did Lexington Steele go? And why are Heather and Casey showing their bare tongues and empty mouths in triumph?

Maybe you won't be swallowed if you only have sex with one girl at a time? Wrong. Jon Jon wants to spend a little time with his main squeeze, Bridgette B, and he ends up swallowed as well. Without a partner to run interference, Bridgette has to distract him all by herself, and she uses her tight asshole to trap him. She smirks and bites her lip as he enters her ass in piledriver position, and she savors every inches he gives her, but this is merely an anal appetizer for Bridgette. She asks to clean her lady come off his cock, he happily obliges, and then she has him. It might look like Jon Jon is holding Bridgette's head so he can push his dick deeper into her throat, but it's really the opposite: he's struggling to save his life!

What is it like to be "Swallowed Alive" by a pornstar? It's fantastic, but the realization that you're being swallowed is horrifying. Observe how Leilani Leeane does it; we were introduced to this ambitious young woman barely a few weeks ago, and now she's already eating her co-stars. (They grow up so fast, don't they?) Like Bridgette, she uses her ass to enchant Mark Ashley, letting him pound her pucker until he's red-faced and exhausted. Then, right as she goes to spitshine his sword, she attacks! You can see her rising up, mouth stretched wide, ready to take him deep down her throat like some pornographic version of Jaws. It's terrifying.

And frankly, it's arousing. Look, we're all going to go someday, and this has to be one of the top ten ways to do it. Don't think of "Swallowed Alive" as a glorification of cannibalism; think of it as a guide to your final steamy hours on Earth.