Respecting Your Husband: Appreciation

This is the third post in the four-part series Respecting Your Husband. We are also covering Admiration, Acceptance and Making Him Feel Like #1.

It may seem like we have already been talking about appreciating our husbands by admiring them and accepting them. However, the difference lies in admiring and accepting them for who they are, whereas appreciating them is for what they do.

“To set a just value on him, to esteem him for his full worth, and to be grateful for him and the things he does for you.”

I am blessed that my husband is strong in expressing his appreciation for me. Words of affirmation is one of his primary love languages. Usually it is easiest for people to express the languages that are their primary one(s). It’s not one of my stronger suits and it’s easy for me to take things for granted. So I have to intentionally focus on appreciating him.

My husband thanks me every night for making dinner. No matter what it was…even some of the strange Paleo creations that he doesn’t like. He recognizes the effort. When our kids were small and still waking at night, he always thanked me for getting out of bed to tend to them. (This would grate on my nerves, but I tried to accept it for the appreciation it was. Thankfully that phase is long gone in our home!)

We need to appreciate our husbands for their true worth and to find that worth, it is usually reflected in things they do.

Things about his character like being honest, dependable, or kind.

Things about his intelligence like knowledge, good judgement, creativity, special talent or imagination.

And in what he does for you like opening doors, remembering a special day, helping around the house, doing fix-it jobs to keep up the house, the things he buys you or how he provides for you.

I’ve learned that appreciating my husband for his sacrifice of working long and hard hours for our family goes a long, long way. Just that one area seems to fill up his love tank and anything more is overflowing. Appreciating men for their work and providing makes them feel like Superman, and gives them determination to keep going out day after day to “slay the dragons” for us. Instead of resenting his time away, I embrace it. I count it as time I can invest in writing, reading, doing ministry, spending time with friends or my kids.

The book, “Fascinating Womanhood,” states that having an ungrateful wife creates many serious marriage problems. I can definitely see where this would be true. Everything seems better and more empowering when appreciation is sprinkled in.

If you aren’t able to readily come up with things to appreciate, keep these things in mind:

Keep an unswerving faith in his better side. Appreciating him for even just one or two things can motivate him want appreciation for more and he may strive to change for your recognition.

If you need to, reflect on the past. Appreciate him for ways he used his character, intelligence or ability to do things even years ago. Remember what first attracted you to him.

Look for virtues behind his faults. He may be angry because he is a quality guy with a good self-image who has gone so long not being appreciated. He may be moody or discouraged because he has lofty goals that aren’t being met. He may seem thoughtless because he is focused on things that he finds more important, and therein you may find things to appreciate.

Remember the Proverb, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” (21:9 AMP) The opposite of appreciation or even lack of appreciation can drive a man away, wishing to even give up his comforts to get away.

Aim to be a completer, a builder, a help-meet to your husband. One of the best ways to do that is to convey your appreciation of him.