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View Poll Results: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Originally Posted by MaggieD

Lordy, lordy. Thank goodness they don't recognize common law marriage in Illinois. That is the only reason Angel Boy Tommy is in my life. Because of all the legal rights he (and I) would have if we were legally married? We wouldn't be living together.

Of the 15 states that do recognize common law marriage, one of them only recognizes it after the death of a partner (and the Federal government, for all those protections, never recognizes a common law marriage.) Five of them only recognize CLM if the partnership was formed before 1996, 1997, 1998 and 2005 respectively. STATES THAT RECOGNIZE COMMON LAW MARRIAGE

If I were going to have children, there is no way under the sun I would have them with someone who wasn't married to me. No.Way. It's been my experience that men are generally the ones who talk about marriage only being a piece of paper. And too damned many women buy what they're selling.

Some women have no desire to get married. As long as my partner was legally responsible for my child (which by his name being on the birth certificate, he is), that would be all I really care about.

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Some women have no desire to get married. As long as my partner was legally responsible for my child (which by his name being on the birth certificate, he is), that would be all I really care about.

It's all about what someone's comfortable with, Chris. If it works for you (not sure if you're talking about you), then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And, you're sure right. His name being on the birth certificate means that he's acknowledged paternity. And THAT brings its own list of responsibilities that fall on him. On you, too, of course; but you have the knowledge that he bears responsibility for your child(ren).

I'm kind of going by my own personal experience here. I lived with my first husband for two years before we got married. He always said, "It's only a piece of paper." It was more than that to me. He always said, "Don't ever give me an ultimatum." And I never did. I just told him I was leaving. Oops! Many happy years later as a married woman, I never regretted my decision -- or his.

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Originally Posted by Voltaire X

The couples that have kids before marriage but end up getting married later or at least stay together aren't the problem. I don't have any problem with that. But all too often, one parent (usually the father) leaves, and then the child is growing up in a single parent household. I've seen that happen too many times, and it breaks my heart every time.

sometimes families split up, and that sucks. however, it's still possible for single parents to do a good job. if i would have had a child with my fiancee years ago, my guess is that she still would have taken off. i would have done the best that i could. there are times when the other person just won't stay, and there's nothing you can do but to give it all that you can. a single parent household doesn't mean that you can't have a great kid who turns out well.

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Originally Posted by MaggieD

It's all about what someone's comfortable with, Chris. If it works for you (not sure if you're talking about you), then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And, you're sure right. His name being on the birth certificate means that he's acknowledged paternity. And THAT brings its own list of responsibilities that fall on him. On you, too, of course; but you have the knowledge that he bears responsibility for your child(ren).

I'm kind of going by my own personal experience here. I lived with my first husband for two years before we got married. He always said, "It's only a piece of paper." It was more than that to me. He always said, "Don't ever give me an ultimatum." And I never did. I just told him I was leaving. Oops! Many happy years later as a married woman, I never regretted my decision -- or his.

Lol! I KNEW you were a girl who wouldn't take any tish!

I really don't have a desire to be married. I was probably one of the only little girls who DIDN'T have dreams of white picket fences and a bunch of kids. I wanted to be a professional and live in a penthouse apartment in NY City and be a single fun-loving girl when I was younger. Yeah right!

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

On a related note, I just wish people would put two ounces of thought into screwing before they do so. This is one of many cases where people don't think about risk versus reward worth a darn, thus a significant number of children are born to parents who aren't financially ready or aren't mature enough.

"With me everything turns into mathematics."
"It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well."
"It is truth very certain that, when it is not in one's power to determine what is true, we ought to follow what is more probable." -- Rene Descartes

Re: Should people wait until marriage to have children?

Interesting story. When I was born the Catholic church refused to baptize me because my parents weren't married when I was conceived, so my mother (who was brought up Catholic ALL the way) took me over to the Protestant church and had me baptized as Protestant. My parents DID get married before I was born though.