Friday, 17 February 2012

Metro are searching for writers and bloggers that have got something to say about the Olympics to contribute to our 2012 coverage. With the biggest sporting event to be held in London on the horizon we want to share your opinions and insights with Metro’s large audience.

Having looked high and low, reviewing blogs and searching out sport professionals, we found your website and would love it if you would like to get involved. Whilst you will not be paid for your posts, you will be set up with a profile page linking to your blog or website and your social media accounts - with the potential to reach thousands of readers under the Metro brand, the opportunity to grow your own following is there.

If you would like to be considered for this opportunity please reply to this email expressing your interest and we will get back to you with further details. If you know anyone else that might be suitable please let us know too.

Kind Regards

Emma

EMMA MILLS METRO.CO.UK

To which I replied:

Dear Emma,

Thank you for your kind offer to work for the Metro for free. Sadly, in Britain we have this thing called the national minimum wage act, that requires employers to actually pay the people who work for them. You may find the following information useful:

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Asked a year ago whether he supported taking over suburban rail services he told the London Assembly:

I have to tell you, and I am going to be totally frank with you, in my conversations with Government and with the Department of Transport, I do not think I have yet received any kind of indication that they are anywhere near giving us control of all the railways, total control of all the railways, in London, because I am afraid there are implications for other passengers beyond London, and that is a difficult argument. I prefer to go down the route of saying that what we want is a stake in the franchising arrangements. For us now to say that we want to take over every single railway in London and throughout the Greater London area is, I am afraid not politically liveable at the moment.

So what's changed in the past 12 months to make the unliveable now liveable?

Has the government suddenly decided that they want to give control of the suburban railways to Boris?

Well if they have, they're keeping it very quiet. So what else could it be?

Monday, 6 February 2012

"It is not as though we lack potential Zuckerbergs. Our universities are pullulating with brilliant young men in T-shirts who like playing Call of Duty and have slight difficulties with girls. We are fantastically fecund at coming up with new games and new apps. The very concept of the World Wide Web was devised by London-born Sir Tim Berners-Lee. So why isn’t there a British Facebook? Why aren’t these billions about to explode into the pockets of people in this country?"

The same establishment, one member of which has repeatedly told people to er, smash its products:

"It is time to garrotte the Game Boy and paralyse the PlayStation, and it is about time, as a society, that we admitted the catastrophic effect these blasted gizmos are having on the literacy and the prospects of young males... Summon up all your strength, all your courage. Steel yourself for the screams and yank out that plug. And if they still kick up a fuss, then get out the sledgehammer and strike a blow for literacy."

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

In a truly momentous announcement, Boris Johnson today said that he would cut his share of the council tax by a whopping 1%.

Thousands of Londoners were set to storm City Hall in jubilation as they realised that Boris could save them an earth-shattering £3 for the entire year.

One commuter queueing up at one of London's lesser-spotted ticket offices told this blog:

"I was pretty angry about the hundreds of pounds Boris has cost me in fare increases, but now that he's offering me £3 back I think I can forgive him. I could almost afford a single tube ticket with that."

At almost one penny's worth of saving per household per day, Boris's precept cut is likely to transform the Mayoral race and possibly even the UK economy.

A spokesperson for Boris's campaign said:

"This shows that Boris Johnson is truly in touch with the pressures that ordinary Londoners face, unlike that Commie, North Korean, extremist, liar Ken Livingstone."

A source close to the Mayor denied that Boris will now also reverse his plan to raise fares by 2% above inflation every year for the foreseeable future.

"No of course we're still going ahead with that. What are we, made of money?"