Monday, November 17, 2014

Before we start talking about tropical Palawan destinations
or cheap Boracay packages, let’s first pay homage to the guy who inspired this
article…

suit and tie required

Ok, now that’s over, let’s first get to what makes a beach
vacation legendary (*disclaimer: this is for party goers. If you guys want to
chill, watch out for the next installment). Two things make any beach party
legendary and those two are boozing and hooking-up so in 3 items, we’ll try to
sum up everything awesome to do around surf, sand, and celebration.

Getting your Booze On

If you’re out for a beach party, make sure you’re at a beach
well known for its night life. There are certain beaches where you go to for
ambiance (Palawan, Panglaw), and then there are beaches you go to to get
grinding. Two things you have to consider about a beach bar: 1. It has to have
a sweet deal on the drinks and 2. It has to have an amazing party vibe.

If you ever find yourself at Puerto Galera, that’s probably
the most night-lifey-est beach there is; booze doesn’t even need a discount,
it’s too damn cheap there—priced almost like your typical inuman back home but with free live entertainment. At Boracay, be
sure to check out Cocomangas Shooter Bar. They don’t give you discounted beer,
they hand you a free one! But only during their happy hour; still a pretty
rockin’ deal actually.

Get your Game On

Because summer is supposed to be legendary, you want to go
home with a hook-up. For chicks, it’s pretty easy—all the play you need
(according to Barney Stinson’s The Playbook) is to stare at a guy and hook up.
For guys, it’s much more complicated. For the benefit of the gentlemen out
there, here are a couple of plays you can, uhm… play to get a girl. Here are
some plays paraphrased from the actual The Playbook (Barney Stinson & Matt
Khun, Touchstone Publishing):

The “Don’t Drink That”

Very mindfully set
up camp near your target. When your target goes to the restroom and comes back,
just before she takes a drink say “don’t drink that!” and say how someone
slipped something in said drink. When asked who, say that they left or point to
a friend whom you want to play a prank on. Offer to buy her a drink and go
smooth sailing from there on.

The “Hot Dude”

The Playbook says
that this has a 100% chance of success. Only three steps are required: be a
dude, look hot (sport a swimmer’s body pr’olly), get the girl.

The “Shotgun”

Only for the
strong at heart, The Shotgun is about as straightforward as a dog humping your
guest’s leg: just approach your target, ask if she will have sex with you, and
repeat the cycle until you get a yes. .25% success rate but hey, you aren’t
playing lottery, your trying to hook up! Go for it!

Get your Booze AND
Game On!!

Because if there are two things in the world that can
combine boozing and hooking up, it’s parlor games! To break the ice, start a
game inside a beach bar. Most engrossing is the beer pong but that’s for
getting the attention. What you really want to get to is the game called Suck
and Blow. You just pass a card along using your mouth and just your mouth so
you’re either “sucking” it to not let if fall or “blowing” on it to pass it on.
If it falls, you have to kiss with the person you failed to do suck and blow
with. This is where you go for diskarte,
if you know what I mean.

About Me

I am Kresten Marti C. Ujano, quiet and shy type. Fun to be with. Loves to smile. Analyzes everything. A sports man, loves swimming, tennis and running. Gamer. Certified NBA, PBA, basketball addict but not a good basketball player. Singer but not a song writer. Plays a little of guitar and piano. Dreams of having his own business someday. Risk taker. Hopeless romantic.