Some people believe the opposite of love is hate. But it’s not. It’s indifference. If you’re ever in a situation with a girl where she seems done with you. She’s probably done with you. (when I say done I mean shows no emotions. Anger and sadness are signs that she cares).

I got an E-mail from Pete who talked about how he isn’t sure if his girlfriend cares about him. My girlfriend and I got into a huge fight a few days ago and I knew you could help. Here’s what happened. A girl in my class and I are friends. She asked for my number so we could work on an assignment together. I had no problem with that as it was a difficult project.

The girl texted me to meet up at the library one day so we can get started. While we were there together one of my girlfriend’s friend saw us together. She called my girlfriend and tell her that I was out with another girl.

(You just know this isn’t going to be good).

She called my girlfriend and told her I was out with another girl. Later that night my girlfriend came over and asked me about it. I told her the truth but she didn’t believe me.

(Right now I’m seeing a little insecurity. Is that about him? Something he did to hurt her in the past? Or is it about her)?

I’ve always been honest and faithful to her. The argument escalated quickly, she broke up with me, and she left screaming I hate you. Do you think she really hates me?

(No, I do not think she hates you. I think she may have meant it at that moment in time. Maybe she even still means it because it’s only been a couple of days, but I don’t think she really means it. She doesn’t hate you. She may have meant it in the moment. You have to understand that when a girl tells you how she is feeling, it’s how she’s feeling in that particular moment. That goes for I love you and I hate you).

(Here’s a good example of what I mean. Just the other day I was cleaning out a drawer and came across a card that an ex-girlfriend had given me. In the card she shared how much she loved me and cared about me and would do anything for me. Now that’s how she felt that that time. It was a few years ago. If I called her up and acted like we were in that moment in time from the past, she would think I was crazy). She meant it at the time, but she doesn’t mean that today- years later (when we haven’t even talked).

How can I get her back if she hates me?

(She obviously still cares about you. The opposite of hate is not love, it’s indifference. For me, one of parole is angry at me I know she still cares. If a woman but comes in different to you that’s another story. If a woman becomes indifferent, then she doesn’t care about you. If that ever happens then you need to move on, and the only thing you could do is to leave her alone and let her come back in her own terms. However, if a woman is indifferent to you, the chances of her ever coming back are small).

My gf has had a guy cheat on her in the past and I know that it devastated her.

That’s a big part of the problem. Her reaction was not proportionate to what he did. The hurt has really caused her to feel anxious and fearful that someone else may cheat on her. He didn’t do anything wrong here. This is about her being wounded. You have to have empathy for her and understand that when someone hurts you its going to make it difficult to trust again. Help love someone’s flaws and help them grow and support them.

When she contacts you (do not contact her). Listen to what she says and really get it. Validate it by seeing the logic in it. Be real with it and provide some empathy. I can really understand what you mean by that. If I was in your shoes and I had a friend see you with another guy, I would be upset too. I would wonder what was going on too.

When you can do that you will understand her. When you can understand each other, you’ll create intimacy

So to review: Listen to what she has to say. Hear it and see the logic in it. Provide empathy for her.

And remember, just because a woman says she hates you, doesn't mean she doesn't still care. Sometimes people just say things when they're angry. Yes sometimes they really do mean it. It's important to figure out what means what.