The changing tides

I’ve been doing this thing where I’m trying to be a bit more spontaneous and a bit more carefree. It’s been going well so far, but it’s kind of scary to be this way, especially if you’re slowly gravitating from a stress-ridden, control freak like I tend to be in certain situations to an easygoing, relaxed self. But I’ve gotten to the point in life (wow, I sound so old) where I’ve realized that stressing out and sweating the small stuff is getting me nowhere in life. I can’t plan my entire life; I can’t make lists and timetables to map out my entire week. Sometimes I check my email obsessively, because I’m paranoid that I’ll miss a semi-important email (although I’m always hoping class has been cancelled because of extenuating circumstances… a girl can dream, right?) Sometimes plans have to be loosely made, because I can’t predict what the weather is going to be like the next day, and I can’t foresee whether everything is going to go the way I plan it. Life is too short and too unpredictable to plan every second of every day… although I do need that occasional hour-by-hour schedule of daily events.

If you know me at all, with my analytical and fast-paced mind, as my brain whirrs out at least twenty thoughts a minute, you probably know how intense I can be. Being anxious and a control freak about the smallest details has gotten me far in life, but has it all been worth it? And so come the repercussions, like migraines and stress balls on my neck, and nagging thoughts that cloud my brain at 1 a.m., as I try to repress them so I can go to sleep.

I guess it’s pretty apparent as to why I’m trying to be a bit more carefree about life. While plans may be the backbone of life, spontaneity is the spice of life. In a way, I feel like I’m planning this spontaneity, which is the ultra-irony of the situation. If anyone could plan to be spontaneous, it would be me. I’m learning to accept the random variations in life, all of the curveballs and the changing tides, and the uneasy realization that I cannot control it all… but most importantly, that they cannot control me.

Let’s be real, I’m probably not going to change too much. I’d rather know weekend plans days in advance and will always plan my driving route so I arrive to a place ten minutes before scheduled meeting-time. But hey, if you call me up at 10 p.m. to go on a random fro-yo run, I’m your girl.

A well written editorial. It’s funny, because I have the opposite problem and have begun carrying my planner around everywhere (though I never think to look at it!). Best of luck, though. Letting loose is a lot easier than you think.