Sunday, November 6, 2011

Circling the Wagons- After Thoughts and Feelings

I attended the saturday session of the 'Circling the Wagons' conference that is affiliated with the Mormon Stories Podcast. It was a wonderful day for me. I didn't take notes so I won't be recanting everything that was shared. I can tell you however what a magnificent spirit that was there during the conference.

First, It brought a large amount of emotion to the surface for me. I recently came out to my family and it's been kind of an emotional time in my life. I thought I had gotten those emotions under control, but they came bubbling to the surface on Saturday. There was a beautify duet sung from the musical wicked. I was bawling like a baby by the time it was done. Not sure of the exact title of the song, but it is something like 'because I knew you'....

Second, I was able to introduce myself to some fellow bloggers, one of who was instrumental in a very accidental way in my coming out. Although the circumstances around my coming out where not planned, I will always remember this person for the role he unintentionally played in the process. Call it fate, or godly intervention, I feel the sequence of events was put in place by a higher power. I'm so happy to have the weight of that secret off my shoulders.

Third, I walked away with a renewed sense of spirituality. This is something that has been missing from my life for many years. I don't plan on walking through the doors of a Mormon chapel anytime soon, but I did walk away with the feeling that I wanted God in my life and need to find a space where me being gay and god being around and part of my life is possible.

Finally, It was just good to be around other gay people with similar backgrounds, experiences, stories and lives. I've felt like I've lived in such isolation for so long and it's been painful. It was therapeutic to feel a sense of community in my life. Anyway, I'm glad I went and didn't let my social anxieties get the best of me and keep me away.