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In order to define crazy you have to actually experience crazy To feel your entire existence dissolve around you and be replaced by the icy cold of uncertainty only skims the surface of this unbearable reality that thousands of people face each day People like me As I lie awake counting the dimples in the stark white tile of the ceiling above me I am numbed by the unrelenting battle of chaos in my mind The doctors tell me that my mental state is not within the realms of normal But what is normal Is wakening each morning to a lonely house spending an un-godly amount of time at a job I hate getting paid half what Im worth fighting with my ex-husband over a child I never see and pretending to like it considered normal No thank you Ill take crazy So here I lie in room 437 grasping for a new state of being one that others define as normal Life wasnt always this complicated I had a beautiful home a decent bank account and a family who supported my decisions I had created my own illusion of what seemed normal Suddenly I discovered that my husband my life-long companion wanted something entirely different out of life than I did Abruptly I was jerked back into reality My fairy-tale was over We agreed to divorce For better or for worse it happened I became a statistic I was part of the 64 of the population that couldnt make their marriage work But I had experienced trials before I thought surely I would make it through divorce I was wrong As my world fell apart I felt more and more abandoned more alone then ever before In retrospect I realize I isolated myself from those who wanted to help I was hiding inside the blackness of crazy - hiding the shreds of my shattered life My ex-husband slithered his way through the legal system

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