May is Mental Health Awareness Month and being that our mental health is just as important as your physical health, I encourage you to get screened, get help or ask for help. There are both adults and children going through some type of mental illness – break the stigma, it’s not bad, you’re not crazy and you can get better by getting help.

As a stay at home mom whom didn’t stay home from the beginning, I must say the transition was rather smooth. I loved my position in the corporate world, but once I had my oldest, my heart yearned to be with her and raise her myself.

I came across this post from Autism Family Powerwhere she mentions coming across an article where a working woman asks, “what do stay at home moms do all day?” The question wasn’t ill intended, but rather out of curiosity.

I chuckled a bit and then had the sudden urge to detail and justify my role at home. However, each of us has different reasons for our decision to stay at home, and the role of a parent that stays in the home is like no other. His/her role comes without a financial earning, without breaks, days off and too often are running on fumes.

However, the internal satisfaction of making sure my kids are taken care of, taking care of my families daily needs and each of my children’s individual needs be it school or otherwise, is beyond any pay check I could ever receive. The ‘tasks/jobs’ are endless, from scheduling doctors appointments, to making sure my son is thriving in school since his autism diagnosis, to potty training – still doing it. The list goes on and on. All the while praying I am doing a good enough job at raising good, compassionate citizens. Also, caring for myself as I have Chiari 1 Malformation – a congenital disorder.

So, if you’re a stay at home parent or not, our goals are all the same. We’re all caring for our homes and our families needs to the best of our abilities, being in the corporate world or not.

A-

Recently I read an article where a woman asked Stay-At-Home Moms what they did all day. At first I got defensive, but changed my mood. Read more about this, here!

I suspect you already know that with every chronic illness come a few doctors appointments – or many. I had to see my doctor recently as the pain in my neck doesn’t get any better and the medication was running low, so back I went to see my Neurologist. There is a strange thing that happens but with each MRI comes a new result. In reviewing my last MRI on his monitor I noticed a curve on top of my neck in the shape of a letter ‘C’ you could say. But we simply continued talking and moved on. However, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and asked him about it. He said a curve like that is normal say on an 80 year old, but not on someone my age. The two surgeries I’ve had, the first in 2013 and the other on 2017, both have been entered through the back of my neck, so my neck has taken quite a bit. The result, it’s caused the top part of my spine to collapse – hence the letter ‘C’ shape, the other result, pain, the remedy, more medicine. We will try a new medication to manage the pain and come back to revisit the issue. I thanked him for his time and as I’m leaving he says, “hang in there.”

Those simple words have taken over my mind. How many times does something unprecedented happened? And you, “hang in there” or you have absolutely no choice but to do just that?! Aren’t we all doing just that for different reasons, for the sake of your own sanity, because you’re going through a break up, a job loss, marriage issues, financial issues, whatever the case maybe, you’re “hanging in there.”

As anger wanted to creep up inside me, I thought of hope. The word hope. The hope that this will continue to help me gain patience for myself and my body, and hope that I will continue to live life, this new life with much gratitude, the life with physical pain, but life nonetheless.

This post for ‘Reblog Wednesday’ couldn’t have come at a better time. The thoughts of wanting to feel better physically are reoccurring thoughts, coming in too often throughout my day. And the fact that I can’t change my circumstance or diagnosisis evident in this post and is the perfect reminder of things I conveniently choose to forget. This ‘Reblog Wednesday’ is from a blogger I hold dear and near to my heart, Stuart, his honesty, love for Christ and life, is what I appreciate from reading his work. I couldn’t appreciate him more than I already do.

This post unraveled the truths of my reality. I can either learn to accept my reality or continue to live in the falsehood of reminiscing of what my life once was – life without the prescription medication and physical pain. It’s up to me. If I can only touch ground, ‘come back to Earth,’ as they say, and stop living in the clouds, I’d be able to open my eyes to see my life as it is. And perhaps only then will my sense of purpose fuel my desire to live a more happy and fulfilled life.

The conversation with God in the post reminded me of my own conversations with God.

I want to tell God what to fix in my life …

my diagnosis – fix it, reverse it,

my physical pain – take it away,

my old, ‘normal self’ – bring her back,

my finances – increase it,

my brain / head – make it stop spinning,

my son’s autism diagnosis – make it better,

my happiness – give me more of it.

And all the while, I’ve been praying for what I cannot change. He’s saying surrender, trust me, leave it to me as I do all things for a reason – beyond your humble comprehension. The reasons for it, all will be revealed in due time – patience. And love, love is what I need, it’s what I should be praying more for, so that I may accept my diagnosis with love, accept things that I will not be able to change.

The trials and tribulations are only there to get me away from worldly things and closer to Him.

Have a blessed day.

A-

I asked God to take away my habit. God said, No. It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up. I asked God to make my handicapped child whole. God said, No.. His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary. I asked God to grant me patience. God […]

As a stay at home mom, I frequently think about other moms that are in my position. It’s no secret that the stay at home parent doesn’t get enough credit. The day to day seems lost in translation to many, except the one living it. And often we need the reassurance, because as mothers – humans, we want to be seen and loved.

Whether you have Chiari Malformation + Syringomyelia or any other illness that physically impairs you from feeling your best, know that you are doing your very best. I often compare myself to the wrong people, to those that don’t have physical pain and not needing to be medicated for pain relief.

As for the stay at home parent living with chronic pain though, the day to day is different and is a tiny bit more challenging. And for me, the physical pain can cause me to have self-doubt, so today, to my chronic pain brothers and sisters, I want you to know, I hear you and see you.

I want to reassure you that you are enough.

Just in case you haven’t heard it today, you did good!

You did more cleaning than your body could handle. It’s OK, not to do more, your body will thank you later.

Yes, it’s OK, the rest can wait.

You folded the laundry that had been sitting in the basket for over a week – no judgment, you did it!

You cooked a meal with love, and that’s all your family could ask for.

You’re pushing through the pain with every step you take – you’re a warrior!

Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re 1 in 1,000 uniquely designed people and not everyone will understand – and that’s OK!

This weeks ‘Reblog Wednesday’ has come at the perfect time, and it’s by none other than Michelle over at Chiari Conversations. She’s a fellow Chiarian and her vulnerability and honesty is like breathing fresh air each time I read her posts. If you have neurological issues, or are a fellow Chiarian yourself, please follow her journey along!

And I say it comes at the perfect time because I have not been quite myself, the body pains have increased, my left leg and foot have been getting increasingly numb and the vertigo, well, the vertigo is a pain in the rear end! I’m going on 6 years since my brain surgery for my Chiari Malformationand every day feels much like I’m going through a slow death – only I’m still here and my brain is being squished by the minute. The stabbing pain behind my neck doesn’t subside and what seems to be the never ending hospital / doctor visits can make me feel much like an elderly than a young mom. As Michelle clearly states, a few years ago I really don’t know how I could have handled these constant headaches. It’s not your casual headache, ‘you missed a meal, you are a little stressed’ kind of head ache – no my dearest friend and reader, this is a, run and close the blinds, turn off the lights, turn off the volume to everything, including the neighbors barking dog and let’s hibernate for say, a few weeks – kind of headache! The one where you momentary just wish to be a vampire, because lets face it, I wish the world around me was pitch dark, complete darkness.

If you have Chiari Malformation or not, maybe you are dealing other health issues and can relate …

The feelings of wanting to feel like wanting to enjoy life / social gathering without having the next day or even weeks be filled with even more pain and misery. Yes!

The feeling of not wanting to be told ‘you’re strong’ but know that I’d rather lay in bed in a fetal position because I can’t take the pain. Yes!

The wanting to go to the store and not have to worry about my left leg – body, being overstimulated and being at risk of falling in public. Yes!

The wanting to go out to a public place, say, church, etc. and just setting it on mute because the chatter and noise level is too loud for my brain to handle. Yes!

The need to want to be ‘able’ and not ‘unable.’ Yes!

The feeling of constantly needing help, because lets face it, I can’t do it all – literally. Yes!

The need to want to tell scream people to ‘get.to.the.point’ because conversations overstimulate my brain. Yes!

The wanting to stop being told, ‘but you look good’ because I know that if I looked like how I felt, I’d scare even my own offspring. Yes! and Yes!

What are some of your new normal’s?

A-

It can be difficult to really KNOW whether the pain is normal or not when dealing with neurological issues. It doesn’t help that pain is personal even in the temporal sense. Five years ago, I WOULD NOT have been able to handle this level of constant headache. I would have thought I was dying. Today, […]

Thank you to my fellow blogger The Eclectic Contrarian. If you haven’t read his incredible poems or been to his blog for some lifting and motivational writing – pay him a visit! Thank you again for your support, I’m humbled.

Here’s How It Works:

• Create a new blog post on your blog thanking the person that nominated you, link to their blog and put in a graphic of the award.

• Answer the questions that were provided, and then share some facts about yourself.

• Create a new set of your own questions for others to answer.

• Nominate 5-11 others and share your blog post with them so they can accept their awards

I’ve Been Asked The Following:

-Whats a topic you love and don’t love to write about?

Always appreciate humor. And honesty. Or should I say honesty in form of humor.

I began this blog with Chiari Malformation + Syringomyelia in mind, however, I have my days when I just can’t get myself to speak on the subject. It just seems to drag me down at times, realty sometimes can get the best of me and I choose to not think on the matter.

-Who and what influences you to write?

Life itself, the brutal truths, the humor in life, my kids and what’s been on my mind at that particular time.

-What emotion gets your creative gears rolling?

Whichever emotion I am feeling at that moment is the best in getting me to write. Whether I’m feeling a bit low, happy or excited.

-Do you write from who you are? Or, who you wish you to be?

I like to go with who I am. I may not be everyone’s cup of ‘tea’ but being myself, authenticity is what will be the greatest in the long run. Those whom choose to stay, will and those who don’t, won’t. And that’s OK.

-Are you a city, country, foreign or even fantasy/sci-fi type of person?

Let’s go with foreign. I’m a little complex, but authentic.

Interesting Things About Me:

I’m a whopping 5′ feet tall!

I’m a righty and have two of my little girls that are lefty.

One of my favorite actresses is Julia Roberts and comedians Robin Williams†

I dislike talking on the phone – and texting

I will hold you to your word, which can be both a blessing and a curse.

I like to be punctual / on time to places. I believe firmly in respecting peoples time.

I think communication is key in any relationship, friendship or otherwise.

My family absolutely loves all things Disney World, including Walt Disney himself, his story, life, how it all began, etc.

Am very much looking forward to the movie ‘Toy Story 4’ being released later this year

As a stay at home mom, I like to work in an organized and clean house, otherwise it’s a no-go!

If I can learn how to do it, and do it myself, I will, for instance, painting walls, dying my own hair at home – been doing it for years, and just recently, cutting my boys hair at home because at $20 x3 boys = doing it myself! No offense to the professionals 🙂