Monday, November 14, 2016

The
airport was crowded, noisy, chaotic. Nothing unusual about that. I was waiting,
properly queued up, to board my flight. To my right was a line of nine wheelchair-bound
folk also waiting patiently. All but one, who was waiting not so patiently. She
was sixth in the line of pre-boarding wheelchairs, and she was not happy about
it. She muttered and groused about how long it was taking, and who did they
think they were to put her sixth in line, she’d get a terrible seat, and it was
going to be too hot anyway or too cold, theycould never get the air right, and she’d probably be next to someone
coughing and hacking, and for sure she’d get sick….

How
much complaining can one person do? I wondered to myself. Considering that the
flight was boarding in plenty of good time to leave right on schedule, that she
was being wheeled on as a pre-boarder before everyone else, so no worries about
getting pretty much whatever seat she wanted, what on earth did she have to be
so grouchy about?

Then
it hit me. I was complaining about the lady complaining! Ack! Right on the
heels of my very unpleasant self-discovery, I remembered my own litany of “woe
is me” yada-yada during a meeting I attended the previous week: “This is a
complete waste of my time. What am I doing here? Gosh, still another 45 minutes
to go? This is ridiculous.” And on and on, albeit silently, just as
grouchy-ouchy as the airport lady.

That
did it. I decided that the best possible gift I could give to my friends and
family this Holiday season wasn’t one wrapped in sparkly red-and-green ribbon, but
rather one lovingly wrapped in good intentions. A three-parter, actually.

1.
I would cease to complain about whatever I didn’t like about what was going on.

Period.
I would zip it, put a lid on it, change the subject, go to my happy place, do
whatever it took to quit complaining, out loud or in my head.

2.
I would take responsibility for my situation. If I didn’t like something, I
would change it. If I couldn’t change the situation, I’d walk away or change
the channel, and leave it be. If I could neither change it nor walk away, I’d
daydream, go somewhere else in my head. Which given my over-developed
imagination is pretty easy to do.

3.
I’d put my focus on what was working for me, on whatever I could find to
genuinely like or appreciate in the situation. I could, in that time-waster
meeting, for example, have shifted my focus from the time-wasting to
deliberately looking for even a single nugget of useful information. I’ll bet
with just a tiny bit of effort, I could have found something of value to take
home with me.

I’ve
been practicing my Holiday gift approach, cracking myself up at how much
internal complaining I seem to be capable of, but at least now aware of it, and
with a game plan I’m actively working on. Does it take patience, determination,
persistence? Sure. But what the heck, as far as I’m concerned, it’s well worth
it—my small contribution toward peace on earth, good-will towards all.

What will family gatherings be like as the holidays begin? The
presidential race has made it a tough year on relationships between
family members who don’t agree on politics. That rawness is still going
to be around during the holidays as we gather to celebrate the season.

The perfect holiday present we can give family this year isn’t one
wrapped in sparkly red-and-green ribbon, but rather one lovingly wrapped
in good intentions.

Here are guidelines to follow during the holidays to keep relationships—and gatherings--peaceful.

--Cease to complain or argue when you hear something that you don’t
like. Period. Zip it, put a lid on it, change the subject, go to your
happy place. Do whatever it takes to stop an argument before it starts.
No one is going to change someone else’s mind.

--Take responsibility for your situation. If you don’t like what
someone says and you feel your blood pressure rise, walk away. You may
not have control over the words and actions of your crazy Uncle Harry,
but you have control of what you say and do. And by the way, keeping
your blood pressure under control is good for your cardiovascular
system, which leads to a longer, healthier life.

--Find common ground. Focus on whatever you can genuinely appreciate.
It could be great taste of your mom’s pumpkin pie, catching up on
family member activities or celebrating the addition of a new baby niece
or nephew. With just a tiny bit of effort, you can find something of
value and joy that can be shared with others.

Does this approach take patience, determination, persistence? Sure,
but it’s well worth the try—and a small yet meaningful contribution
toward peace on earth, goodwill towards all.

About Me

I'm a psychologist, consultant and speaker who has authored over a dozen books, all of which focus on empowering individuals to be happier, healthier and more successful at work, at home and in relationships. The power of appreciation is the theme that runs through all my books, the latest being "Happy Healthy...Dead: Happy Healthy…Dead: Why What You Think You Know About Aging Is Wrong and How To Get It Right.” If you'd like to know more, please visit www.noellenelson.com!
Thank you.