An Army Wife's Life

Once upon a time I was a college student, then I was a teacher, and now I'm a mother. Technically, I'm currently a freelance writer... but really I am an ARMY WIFE. Expect to find... funny (at least to me) anecdotes, thoughts about la vida military, hopes, anxieties, dreams, commentaries on current events.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Being part of the Military Family makes me thankful for... (Military Family Blog Carnival)

Welcome to the third edition of the (hopefully) growing Military Family Carnival.

Being part of the Military Family makes me thankful for...

Thanksgiving can be a beautiful celebration of all the blessings we enjoy. Many families lay the best table they can, express gratitude for the best of the year, and enjoy the company of family and close friends.

For many military families, this Thanksgiving will be spend apart from those they love most.

Last year on Thanksgiving, we had much cause for joy. My husband had returned home from Iraq, our daughter's heart condition had been successfully repaired, and the rest of the soldiers from his unit were either home or on their way.

Since baby was still recovering, we could not yet travel. So, we invited the unit soldiers who had no where to go to come join us.

Baby was still having major anxiety about being separated from mommy, Captain Dad was experimenting with cooking a turkey for the first time, we had never hosted Thanksgiving before, and we had no idea how many guests to expect.

In the end, I held the baby while passing along words of encouragement and instructions about the side dishes to Captain Dad, we pressed another spouse into service, and we had plenty of good food.

Although I certainly missed being around our extended family, I think that impromptu celebration will always be one of my favorite Thanksgiving memories.

Being a part of the military family reminds me what really counts in life. We have freedom, continually renewed for us by our active participation and the efforts of our warriors. And we have each other, a gift made even more precious by the times we spend apart.

I hope you are spending this Thanksgiving with your soldier...but if you are not, you have my prayers for a safe and quick reunion. May this Holiday and others be filled with blessings for you.

I hope you will join me this week and share a post about why you are thankful:

Please post on the theme. If you do not have a blog, ask to hijack a friend's for the day or consider Guest Blogging your post on An Army Wife's Life.

Please link back to this post so your readers will come read and maybe participate, too.

To encourage participation, I will be offering a prize. At the end of the month, one participant will be chosen at random to win a copy of Doonesbury.com's The Sandbox: Dispatches from Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Military Family Blog Carnival: Veterans' Day...

This week's Military Family Carnival Theme is: Veterans' Day...

This one is wide open--a biography of your favorite veteran, what the day means to you, pictures of your hometown parade, ideas for ways to honor our veterans...whatever you would like to share about the day! On Friday, I will move this post back up to the top and copy your links into the main body of the post.

Growing up in a small town in suburban New York, I did not think very much about veterans. There was the occasional visit to the retirement home, where some veterans lived. And my grandfather is a veteran of the Korean War, having served as a musician. Occasionally, there was reference to the men and women who had served when we studied the World Wars in history class.

Mostly, though, Veteran's Day was just a day off from school for us. A chance to stay up late on Sunday and go to a midnight showing at the movie theater or have an extra party that weekend.

I've been spending this weekend with my favorite veteran and trying to think about the meaning of this day.

Today is about honoring the men and women who have committed themselves to serving this country.

They protected our nation and fought when called upon to do so by our elected representatives.

Even after their service, many continue to look after the soldiers who still serve. Speaking for those who are asked to remain silent in the name of military discipline and readiness.

On Veterans' Day, we let them know that we value their sacrifices and have not forgotten them. We acknowledge that they spent many months, even years, away from their families, so that we could enjoy ours. We stop to think about the nights they spend sleeping on cold, wet ground, so that we could rest in comfort. We remember all the hours that dragged on while they willingly placed themselves in harm's way so that we could be safe.

To encourage participation, I will be offering a prize. At the end of the month, one participant will be chosen at random to win a copy of Doonesbury.com's The Sandbox: Dispatches from Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I am really hoping you'll join me and that this will build, because I think it would be fun!

UPDATE: I'm moving this to the top so everyone can see these cool posts. I'll place them and any others that are added in the meantime as permalinks sometime on Sunday and then the next topic will be up on Monday (Being part of the Military Family makes me thankful for...). So please visit these cool posts, comment, and start thinking about your next post.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Ask Molly: Moving "Home" During a Deployment

Does anyone have any advice? My brother is due to deploy overseas within a year and it is causing problems in his marriage. His family (young wife and 2 year old daughter) and my family moved half way across the country two years ago to forge a better life away from the West coast. Our father also lives here. We are all within minutes of each other. Now that he is due to deploy, his wife wants to move back in with her mother out west. He doesn't want her to. They have a home here, pets, her job, baby's daycare, etc. I'm sure he wants to know that while he is deployed, someone is here maintaining a "Normal" life for him to return to. Her mother has been trying to get her to return the whole two years and is pressuring her, also. (Of course they never got along when they lived together before.) My sister-in-law is afraid to stay alone, but we all feel that she needs to be as strong here as he is being in his deployment. Does anyone have any advice on books, etc., that might help her understand his point? Thanks.

Elizabeth | 11.11.07 - 2:10 pm |

Dear Elizabeth,

Hopefully some of my readers will add their comments as well so you can get more than one perspective.

Deciding whether to stay where you live with your spouse or return "home" with your parents while your spouse is deployed is a very difficult decision.

Before I could offer my own advice and opinion to a spouse, I'd need to know some more details, such as whether the service member is Active Duty, National Guard, or Reserves, how close the spouse lives to a post if the service member is not Active Duty, what sort of support system she has in place, and the length of the deployment.

If the spouse has a good support system in place, the kids have friends, and the deployment is likely to be a year or less, then it is often a good decision to stay put.

Some spouses may find, especially if they have a very young baby, if they have not established a support system, or if they are facing a long deployment, that they would rather move back in with a parent, possibly also saving money.

I stayed in Killeen during my husband's deployment and it was a mixed bag, but overall I made the right decision for us.

Ultimately, though, every person is an individual and this is a decision that will be made by the couple. Yes, his deployment will be a stressful time for him and he does need the support of his family. Deployment can also be very trying for the spouse, as well, and your sister in law also needs to know that her needs are understood and respected.

While there are some good books out there for military spouses (I link to a number in my sidebar), no book will be able to take into account all the individual circumstances a person may face.

I think it is wonderful that your family is so close. I am sure you have the best interests of your whole family in mind (including your brother, your sister in law, and of course your little niece), but I am a little concerned that you are searching for resources to help her understand his perspective, rather than resources that might allow both of them better understand each others' points of view.

In the long run, I think that a healthy marriage will grow in depth during the separation, no matter what decision they make. So, the important part is really how they reach that decision.

My suggestions to you is that you recommend they utilize some of the following resources to help maintain the health of their relationship and then allow them lots of space to sort it out together, possibly with a neutral person trained in relationship counseling.

Military OneSource: Military OneSource is your one-stop resource for pretty much everything. They even have Master's level consultants who will answer the phone 24-7 and help military service members and family locate resources, including limited free counseling sessions. You have to register to use the website, but it is all free.

The Unit or Post Chaplain: If your brother and his wife are on or near a post, a Chaplain could be an excellent resource. Most will keep religion out of the discussion if asked, and they have training in the specific issues military couples face as well as access to extensive resources.

The Family Readiness Group: The leader should be able to at least point the spouse to some resources for making the decision. Also, the quality of the support available might factor into the decision and possibly persuade her to stay.

The Military Couples' Workshop or Retreat: There are a lot of workshops and retreats that may help them work through some of these issues. Some are for those who are experiencing trouble reintegrating after a deployment, but others are open to service members and their spouses before hand. Ask the command about Building Strong and Ready Families program, a two-day program that helps couples develop better communication skills, reinforced by a weekend retreat. If they are Reserve or National Guard, there is a "Strong Bonds Marriage Education Program."

Army Community Services or similar post service: If they are active duty or activated and near a post, there should be an office that is a clearinghouse for various classes and opportunities.

Hopefully these resources will help them reach the right decision for them as a couple and I am sure your family will support them, regardless of what that decision may be.

My prayers are with your brother and your whole family as you prepare for his deployment.

"Ask Molly" represents only my opinion and the comments of readers represent their opinions. I draw upon my training as a Family Readiness Group leader, my own experience and that of those I know, and any research I found on the Internet. I am not a trained counselor.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Military Family Blog Carnival: I first knew I was part of the Military Family when...

Welcome to my first ever Military Family Blog Carnival on An Army Wife's Life.

Please write a post and add your post title and specific post URL (not your entire blog) to Mr. Linky. Write about whatever you like, however, you like--just make sure it is an actual post on the topic. You could tell an anecdote, share your thoughts, put up photographs, compose a poem, anything that you believe fits the topic. On Friday, I will move this post back up to the top and copy your links into the main body of the post.

I am really hoping you'll join me and that this will build, because I think it would be fun!

This week's topic is: I first knew I was part of the Military Family when...

When my husband left for Basic Training, it just didn't seem real. I was still working the same job, hanging out with the same friends, and . I moved into a smaller apartment closer to work because going from NYC big firm law salary to specialist in the US Army is quite a pay cut, but we've never been big spenders so other than that my lifestyle did not change much.

So it wasn't until I went to Basic Training graduation that I really understood that I was now an Army Wife. When the new soldiers marched out, calling cadence, I immediately felt a renewed sense of pride in my husband's accomplishments. He had already accumulated lots of prestigious awards and positions in his academic and work career. That he also possesses the integrity to serve his country, the sense of duty to see that commitment through, and the physical and psychological strength to make it happen, gave me a huge amount of respect not just for him, but for all of our warriors.

Then, I looked around and saw all of the other wives, girlfriends, parents, and siblings, also angling for a view of their soldier. I realized that although we were different ages and came from different regions, we were united in our love for our troops. Our men, it was an all-male class, were being accepted into the world's most elite military at a time when our nation was at war. I knew at that moment that, although the road ahead would be tough, I would never be walking it alone.

1. You should post relating to the theme.2. Link back to this post so others will know about the carnival and play along.3. Add the title of your post and the URL of your SPECIFIC post below (not your homepage).

Only one so far but I'm not discouraged...it is brand new and several bloggers have told me they plan to join in. So, go ahead and get posting!

You are welcome to post to this theme (stories, anecdotes, thoughts, photos, poems, whatever works for you) at any time. If you want to be considered for the drawing for the book, you'll have to participate in one or more of the carnivals this month by the last Friday of the month.

Next week's theme, to be posted Monday, is: "Veterans' Day..." This one is wide open--a biography of your favorite veteran, what the day means to you, pictures of your hometown parade, ideas for ways to honor our veterans...whatever you would like to share about the day!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Sammy's Soldier Giveaway

Wow! I added the contest late in the giveaway and I did not think there would be so many military families and friends of military families playing!

I wish I had forty-four copies to give away--there were so many touching stories about military children who need some support and encouragement while their soldier is away! I would strongly encourage you to ask your local or post library to pick up a copy. If you are near or on an Army Base, Army Community Services and the unit Chaplains should also be able to order copies to share with families.

Also, I will have an interview with Sarah White, the author of Sammy's Soldier, in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, check out her new MySpace for "Sammy's Soldier".

Without further ado, random.org chose: Margaret Herrin.

If I don't hear from her by this Wednesday, I'll select another winner. Thank you to everyone who entered. Hopefully you all won at least one Bloggy Giveaway.

If you didn't win: If you would like to purchase a copy of your very own, Sammy's Soldier is available on Amazon.

More Contests: Remember, I'm listing more awesome contests throughout the blogosophere on my Win It On Wednesday feature. Check it out for more chances to win.

More Military Family Bloggy Fun: Finally, I hope you'll stick around to participate in my new Military Family Carnival (starts Monday) and consider Guest Posting on An Army Wife's Life (all members of the Military family are welcome--you don't have to have a blog to share and I will accept anonymous contributions)!