UCF Gym Introduces Social Media Friendly Exercise Equipment

March 24, 2017

Due to skyrocketing demands, the UCF Recreation and Wellness Center has unveiled new stationary exercise machines specifically designed to facilitate users’ social media posts about their gym activity. The machines are being installed as a response to gym members’ growing desire to brag about their workout activity to friends, family, and social media followers. Each machine will be equipped with a foldout table to hold a laptop or tablet along with a phone mount to ensure the perfect angle for taking selfies and videos during workouts.

“I like the idea of working out,” freshman Katy Pharrell said, decorated in Nike’s latest gym wear line, the words “JUST DO IT” plastered across her chest. “Like, I want to die after ten minutes on the elliptical, but in those first few minutes I look #cuteaf and I want Instagram to see it!”

Utilizing state of the art technology, these machines automatically edit mirror pictures and workout videos without prompting from the user. Joshua Postman, creator of the equipment, hopes that one day they can “cut out the middleman” entirely. “Eventually we look forward to advancing the technology to the point where our users don’t even have to set foot in a gym. Instead, they can take these pictures from the comfort of their own bathroom mirror and apply a filter making it appear as if they are working out,” he explained.

Hunter Rigdon, a sophomore who wants to be “shredded,” hopes to step up his bodybuilding skills to compete on a national level. He cites his Instagram account (@papahittfitt) as the most important key to his success. “I can’t work my way up without constant positive feedback about my gains,” he said while taking frequent gulps from his blender bottle. “If it’s good enough for Arnold, it’s good enough for me.”

Rigdon said he usually spends two hours per day in the gym, with much of the time being devoted to finding someone who will film and edit videos of him doing deadlifts. With the introduction of this new equipment, he hopes to cut his gym time in half. He intends to utilize the machines’ 30-second video editing feature, sponsored by Instagram, to get the perfect view of his mediocre lifts and gain him the most views and likes. “Finally I’ll have more time to think of dope hashtags for my videos.”

Angela Lisbon, a female bodybuilder, is looking forward to the new equipment because current phone apps require too much effort. “I already spend enough time trying to figure out which pose makes my butt look the biggest; now I know that I can get the perfect shot every time,” she said.

Gym members can also benefit from a feature that updates their social media accounts by proximity, checking them in and posting to their feeds when they walk past the gym. “Many members don’t like to actually work out,” said Mandy Clevenger, who works at RWC, “This way, they can walk or drive by on their way to dinner, check in automatically, and get social media cred without wasting time actually exercising.”

In addition to these upgrades the RWC is considering installing equipment that is resistant to sweat and makeup residue. “We never really heard anybody complaining about it,” Clevenger remarked, “but it’s apparently been a big issue online among resident ‘brofessors’ on the internet.”

Ladies?????? (mostly Freshman?), if you go to the gym??‍♀️… Please? please ?please ?STOP ???wearing make up???? you’re not looking cute for anyone but your GAINZ.???
The next time? I I have to lay on a leg curl machine and stare? at that nasty ass ??make up residue???, I might as well should just throw up?on it because I’m sure ????no one???? would want to use it anyway ???
???Have a nice day??

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