Why is my husband signing up for dating sites

Asked Jan 31, 2009, 12:33 PM
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30 Answers

I have caught my husband 3 times signing up for dating sites and getting a profile and all. I ask him why he does it and he says it don't mean nothing... but it still hurts a lot... I don't know why he keep on doing it, he says he loves me and he doesn't want anyone else... what do I do.

Sorry for your situation. No matter what he says he is signing up for those sites because he is looking for sex. Not just a date, think about it. Why would one really be signing up for that.

Have you asked him if he s attracted to you. Can you both go to counseling. What he is doing is disgusting but always remember you are not perfect as well. How is you sex life, does he seem interested in you. Are you holding out on him. Remember he is a man if he is not getting it at home he will look out side the marriage. Not all men will do that but intimacy is a very important part of any marriage.

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We'd like to understand what you find wrong with DSM521's answer:

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I know from your previous posts that you have a new baby. This could be a reason to try to save your marriage. I don't believe that he is doing this for entertainment only. You need to confront him again about his lying and possible cheating or intent to cheat. You need to insist on marriage counseling either with a counelor or clergy.

Also, most of these sites are not free. How much money is he wasting on this game?

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Simple.
Sign up for your own profile for the dating websites! Make your own contact with people. He is doing it while hurting you and knowing it! You caught him three times! He is letting you catch it sounds like to me. It's like sending you a message, " you better be nice and let me do what I want. " It's like a scare tactic being drilled in your brain.

Give your own scare tactic! Look on the website and flirt by emails with perfectly good strangers like he wants to.
Hell, maybe you will find someone BETTER!

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If the uncertainty is killing you you can always find out what he is really doing on these sites by installing a sniffer software (would be glad to point you to some of them). There are some decent free ones as well.

On a slightly different vein, is he going though a mid-life crisis of sorts and trying to spice up his (dull) life? If that's the case, you could come up with ways to spice it up... for both of you. And I don't mean just a spiced up sex life... could be a day spa, the theater, a night club or whatever you believe he would like and breaks away from your normal social routine.

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This should tell you quite a bit about your marriage at the moment. You shouldn't have to keep tabs on him... he shouldn't be putting you in a position where you feel you need to.

Online dating sites are for people who are looking to date... plain and simple. He may just be curious to know what sort of person he might get matched up with, he may be trolling the waters to see what's out there, the reason for it really doesn't matter. If it doesn't mean anything to him then he should have no issues with staying off them.

The point is, it means something to you. It hurts you, it makes you feel anxious and worried about what he might be up to and about the state of your relationship. That, in and of itself, should be reason enough for him to stop. If it isn't... then you know where you stand in the marriage.

Talk to him some more... let him know how it is making you feel and see what result you get.

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We have discussed everything and I appreciate everyone's input and a lot of the things you suggested I used and needless to say he now feels like a rat he actually cried and I never seen him cry. So maybe I did some good and if he does it again it is over... and about the whole sex thing no I hadn't given him any sex, I had recently been diagnosed with post pardom depression and was very hard to live with,not excusing his behavior but he was having a hard time too and that is another reason why I gave him another chance... but I told him that if it does happen again he can pack his and leave pardon the language... but I feel a lot better now please wish me luck and hugs and kisses to everyone:)

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I know from your previous posts that you have a new baby. This could be a reason to try to save your marriage. I don't believe that he is doing this for entertainment only. You need to confront him agian about his lying and possible cheating or intent to cheat. You need to insist on marriage counseling either with a counelor or clergy.

Also, most of these sites are not free. How much money is he wasting on this game?

He signed up for free trial it did not cost I know for a fact he did not get the full versions of these sites.

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