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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Bad things happen in 3's

This last week has been hell week. As mentioned in my previous 2 posts. . it started last Monday with taking Sophie to the vet, Tues with my husband's weird passing out episode and calling 911 . .. Wed with putting Sophie down. . . the weekend was a whirlwind and I was finally starting to relax. Though still hovering over my husband who was getting more pissed about that by the minute. "I just blacked out. . . that's all!" he says. Umm . . . no. I want an explanation. So then Monday rolls around and I'm at work unable to get a hold of my husband. He had a lot of things to do and was going to go to his once weekly group rehab meeting that morning. I could tell he was stressed about all he wanted to get done. Some of which would have been done the previous Wed, but that was tied up with the vet, his Dr appt and his xray. So I get to work and think. . .why doesn't he just go to group one other day this week? There is no obligation to Monday. It just has to be once / week. So I suggest that to him. And he thinks it's a good idea. . . But then I can't get a hold of him. I finally get his phone to ring through, or him to answer, not sure which. He stopped at a friend's house to order seed beans for next year. . . and is helping him fix a bumper on someone's truck. . . and he's been there for hours. And it's 1:30 and he hasn't eaten lunch (and yes I'm hovering, but he has to eat right now!). So I'm cranky about this. We argue a bit. I said if he was going to hang at a friend's house for hours, he could have went to group. .. he still hasn't gone to the grocery store to get stuff for the soup that was suppose to be in the crock-pot. . . right about now. . . there's no way he can get that soup going in time for dinner considering he's out in the middle of nowhere, 45 mins from home and still hasn't went to the grocery store. He eventually leaves his friend's house. . . I tell him I want to know when he's home. This is me worrying cause he hasn't eaten anything and also worrying that he's in a situation where he might be offered a beer. Guys. . . in shops. . . working on things. . . that's all they do. Next thing I know I get a message that he wrecked the truck. This is the new-to-us (used) farm truck that replaced the truck he totaled in August . . just over three months ago.

A deer ran out in front of him and he swerved to miss it . . . it was raining and the truck landed on it's side in the ditch. Or that's his story and he's sticking to it. I called his mom when I left work and she went to our house. I got there as soon as I could and he didn't appear to be drinking. . . his mom agreed. I guess he didn't have a blacking out episode, because he wasn't banged up and I think he would have been if he had blacked out. But was it a deer? I'm not sure. . . it's easy to say it was. Maybe he was looking at his phone. Maybe he was driving too fast cause he was pissed at me. I doubt I'll ever know. But I do know this. .. I know how my husband tells a story and this one . . . is lacking detail that he would never leave out. Specifically a description of the deer. My husband would never say a "deer ran out" in front of him. He would say a "small doe", a "big doe", a "___ point buck". . . I asked him how big the deer was and he said about 6 points. . . I was like it was a buck? He doesn't tell a story without those descriptive details. . . so . . . I just don't know. He's lied about many many things in the past (small things that don't even matter but do matter cause of the lie) that I don't think I'll ever really know or trust what happened on Monday. But what I do know is that I'm done. Finished. I can't handle more. My nerves are frazzled and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. .. but hasn't it already dropped? Isn't this enough for now?