Blog Menu

Friday, December 30, 2011

So exactly 12 years ago today, I gave birth to my son Aries Tremaine. I remember going in to be induced because he was actually due on January 1, 2000. I remember the hype of Y2K... and everyone worrying that computers would shut down or power would go out. LOL. I didn't really worry too much about that. Especially with motherhood (for my young self) being around the corner.

It felt like a dream that day, all of the meds they gave me... but my baby boy was born at 5:42pm on a Thursday. I wasn't ready for him at all, I was only 19 years old. But he changed me. I grew up very quickly and I'm glad he's made such an impact on my life. We've had our tough times but overall, to see how much he's grown into a young man, it makes me proud. He hasn't had his real dad around most of his life, basically making pit-stops here and there through out it and I know it hurts him badly. But I hope he realizes how much everyone around him loves him. And that his real dad is the one losing out on something great.
﻿

Aries, October 2011

﻿

He's about my height now, his hands and feet are finally bigger than mine (he measures them against mine, lol)... it just makes me cry. I remember being so scared to touch him the day after he was born, I was so sick after having him (I had constant bladder infections through the pregnancy and it hit harder after birth). But I remember unwrapping him from the blanket and to touch those little hands and feet.

﻿﻿

And to see him now at 12 years old... its hard to believe we've come this far a long in life. I can't wait to see him grow even more. I love my baby! He makes me proud as a mom, especially with all the worries I've had about how his life would and will still be. I can't wait to see the next 12 years ahead!

Now onto my word for 2012 (inspired by my fellow bandster ladies). I've been seeing plenty of blogs about the word for 2012 this year. And they all have had great words. I feel like I could benefit from all of the words used. As I look back over the past year, I realize I have made some major changes with this weight loss battle and I'm actually proud of them. Because it takes a lot to get me going, very unmotivated... and/or lazy. Haha.

It didn't hit me until July this year that I had to actually participate more in losing the weight. That although in my head I wanted it, I had to work for it. And since the beginning of August, I have not only lost approximately 10 pounds but I have gained some insight on what things need to be done to continue losing. Although that may not seem like a lot to some... its kind of major for me because really in my life, I've never put in much effort with losing weight. Even after getting the band. I do admit with some of the changes that happened in the past few months, I've allowed things to go off track.... but I've also learned how to get back on track and at least maintain my loss. I even exercised for 3 weeks... at least 5-6 days, that is a rare occurrence for me. Lol. I've even made sure to get in water more (which is something I never did)... in fact, by doing so its kept me off drinking so much juice.

So my word for 2012 is:

COMMIT

com·mit (k-mt)

VERB: com·mit·ted, com·mit·ting, com·mits

1. To do, perform, or perpetrate.
2. To put in trust or charge; entrust.

OTHER FORMS:

com·mitta·ble(Adjective)

SYNONYMS:

commit, consign, entrust, confide, relegate

This word fits me at this point in life... and my weight loss journey. Its time to totally commit to this journey and take my health seriously. As well as know that it will lead me to feeling better about myself, which in turn will effect my relationships, my job, my life as a whole in a positive way. I know if I feel good about me, it will spread to other areas in my life. Its time to take hold and commit.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I know I haven't been blogging much and I've tried to comment on people's blogs. Just been tired and exhausted and ready for the holidays to end. It just seems slow in general.

I'm dealing with allergies and of course asthma. I have had a bad sinus headaches and I think its because Cedar has finally came. Add in all the meds I take and I'm ready to pass out. I'll have to make it to work this week and hopefully rest up this weekend with another 3-day weekend.

As for weigh-in day, I weighed but didn't put a post up because nothing changed. No 207 quite yet... stayed at 208.4. Thats all good though. I did pretty well with my water intake all week long. As for calories, I did go over a few days all week. My protein was VERY far up, especially since I've been drinking a protein shake in the morning. Thats 34 grams alone. So I think getting the protein in has helped with things more. I'm hoping after I get my asthma under control with the Advair, Singulair and Allegra... I can seriously start working out. I've really wanted to but its like as soon as I go outside it flairs up, or I smell cigarette smoke and it flairs immediately. I'm coughing like a maniac and feel like a 65 year old lady that needs freakin' depends... lol.

As for Christmas, we had a great holiday. The hubby really wanted these Jordan's that came out on the 23rd (supposedly they were this rare edition, etc). He even sat outside the store for 12 hours only to.... come up empty handed. LOL. Glad for me, sad for him. He said he would never do that shit again. I was dying of laughter inside. After previous arguments of me saying NO, you can't get them. I finally just let him go through the motions and it still worked to my benefit. He had to learn on his own. LOL. In the end, since he couldn't get the Jordan's... I knew he has been wanting to get a dog for awhile. We currently live in a 3 bedroom apartment and I've said no for awhile... just last January he got a snake to say he had a pet. Well he realized it wasn't the same. So he sold the snake this past November. He told me since he couldn't have a an pitbull or a bulldog (he always had this type of breeds growing up) that he wouldn't mind having a basset hound. So luckily... after searching on Craigslist in our area, I found a 3 year old Lemon and White Basset Hound. There was no re-homing fee, we just had to sign an adoption contract.

Booger aka Boogy the basset-hound.

Romeo, the big boy runnin' thangs!

So on Christmas Eve, we headed out to Killeen and met Booger. And took him home. Add in that I am allergic to some dogs. Just so happens, I'm allergic to him too. He loves me loving on him... and I love on a lot. I can't help it, he's too cute. I end up with little itchies or small hives. But its cool... the kids love him too. He is a major whiner... still trying to understand what he wants/needs with the whines. He's definitely scared of my cats (mainly Romeo, the big 15 pound tomcat of our house). The husband loves him too but apparently wasn't prepared for all the whining from the dog. No biggie to me. Plus he's worried I'm going to steal the dogs affections (possibly, haha). In the meantime, this weekend we will be getting a crate for the dog for when we're all back at work and school. I hope we can train him and he doesn't howl too bad. Since he's a rescue... we also have to fatten him up, he's a bit skinny for this breed. So overall my hubby is happy to finally have a pet and it just means even more that we will need to move into a house once our lease is up at the end of May. Plus I'm ready to get into a house. I need the space, these kids are getting too big and I can't take my downstairs neighbors anymore.

As for Christmas... we went to my parents house for Christmas Eve, with the new family pet in tow. He met my mom's pug and they bonded quickly. Snuk got a new bike from his Grammy and Papa, as well as some giant blocks and other toys to play with while at their house. Naty got an easy bake oven and stated "This is the best day of my life!" Seriously she said that. Lol. Aries got some Axe body spray, bath stuff. And he also got his first BB Gun. I also seen my niece open the gift that mattered to her most.... a cell phone. She had been begging for one all year. She actually cried. Haha. I've never seen her so emotional.

On Christmas morning, the kiddos woke up and opened all their gifts. They mainly got a lot of clothes, much needed. We got Snuk a drumset, a Mater remote control truck and a cowboy gun set. We got Naty a Paper Jamz microphone set, you can add up to 3 songs and sing with it. And we got her a little boombox to play cd's on (she's not ready yet for a mp3 player) and a Hello Kitty bike. And for Aries... he got a cell phone too and an mp4 player. So they did pretty good. Our kids are happy with the little things, but I admit... as they get older, it gets harder and harder to get these things. My oldest son will be 12 years old in 3 more days... his bike broke on him (the chain just fell apart, add in the seat is messed up)... so I'm thinking we will get him a new bike. He actually uses it to get to school. So shhh...

In the end, we had a great holiday... spent it with family, no arguments. Just love. Exactly how I like it. Here's some photos for your viewing pleasure.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hola! How is everyone today? I admit, I am ready for Christmas to come and GO! All this money spent and still feeling too broke to do anything else. Just ready to be past it. I just know for fact, I do not like this time of year now. Lol. Okay, okay... maybe its not that bad. I do enjoy it for the family time because to me, that is all that really matters since I'm usually a workaholic and don't get to see them as often. I even admit that I miss my big brother (and thats probably because I haven't seen him in over a year and him and his family will not be coming down here for Christmas. *sad face*) And believe, that is major for me... me missing him. Lol. We have a total love/hate relationship.

Anywho... so here is a photo of just some of the junk offered at my job daily. This is the dreaded "LTC Island" that now sits across from my desk. Because yes... just last week they moved me from my back corner near the window to the seat near this buffet of junk! And today, my co-worker brings in Round Rock doughnuts on top of this stuff. Ohhh the temptation, add in the crap that people keep dropping off at my desk... Now crap I mean, Hersey's kisses or any other chocolate (I love chocolate!) or some other chocolate covered thing. Ugghhh. I'm trying to fight it. I can't wait for this month to be over with!

In other news... I had my yearly physical this past Monday. We did a blood panel to check my thyroid and she even checked my B12 and Vitamin D levels. Got the results today.... thyroid is fine, B12 is fine, Vitamin D is low (but the nurse said thats to be expected due to the time of year) and my cholesterol is great! My total was 183... that means it dropped since September (at that it was 186). This is great because I was at 223 just a year ago. My HDL was 42 and in Septmeber it was 41 (could be better, needs to be over 50) and my LDL was 119, which dropped some since in September it was 122. I'm pretty happy with hearing the results. I will also buy some Vitamin D, suggested 1000 to hopefully help with the tiredness I've been experiencing lately. I'm just happy that its not my thyroid since that runs high in my family.

I did ask her about the whole constipation issue prior to having TOM visit. She told me its common because your body literally sucks in all the water and retains it from the hormones preparing for your period. She suggested me taking metamucil and increase my water intake prior to it... to help. But I've noticed that the week and a half prior, its hard for me to drink because I'm not thirsty. Weird.

I also stepped on the scale this morning and seen 207.4........ had to hit it again to make sure it was right and it was. I hope I see that number come Sunday. Lol. But I have been doing well with getting my water in at 96 ounces a day. And I didn't do too bad on my calories until yesterday... the husband was trying to get a little loving by buying me a pint of Blue Bell Cookies and Cream ice cream. Yeah... I managed to eat the entire thing before I even knew it last night. Uggh.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sorry, I haven't felt like blogging lately. Just so tired from all of these meds I'm taking for my asthma and allergies. Finally got my allergies semi-under control but my asthma has been hit hard and I go to the doctor on Monday for my yearly physical. Gonna ask about getting some medicine to do breathing treatments with my nebulizer.

Outside of this... I am down 1.2 pounds from last week. Thank GOD! I broke my lowest weight. Lets see TOM has came to visit officially last Thursday... he should be leaving any day now. And I've noticed for whatever reason, prior to TOM's arrival I get VERY backed up. It was horrible the last week and a half. But as soon as TOM came...... OMG, I was dying with all the stomach cramps, etc. I am sorry if I'm being graphic but damnnnn.... LOL. I usually do my best NOT to use public facilities for going #2 and especially at my job. But OMG... Friday, it was like BAM it hit me and it was bad. I went to the bathroom at least 4 times while at work and was only there for my normal 8 hour shift. I felt sorry for my co-workers. Then it hit me again at home. I have never had that happen. Sorry for the shitty story.... haha. I was like damn... I better have lost some weight.

I do know I haven't been making very great choices on food... its been so hard. Lets see, at work they moved us around... so now my desk is right next to the dreaded "LTC Island". I call it this because our department (Long Term Care claims) is known for always having food on this counter. But its always really bad during the holidays. Everyone is bringing in all these goodies they made or there are candy dishes (with all of the Hersey chocolates) or we get basket of goodies from some of the vendors we work with. It looks like a damn buffet of JUNK over there. And now I sit right next to it. Very very tempting and hard to avoid. I have been doing good. But we also did Secret Santa this week... and one of my gifts included a giant candy bar and this huge coffee mug filled with Kisses. I have been scarfing those damn Kisses down.

Lets hope this coming week gets better.......

I'm pretty sure I will not seen Onderland by the 1st of the year, but as long as I keep moving down thats all that matters to me at this point. I can focus more after these holidays pass. :)

Oh... check out my oldest son's hair... his dad hooked him up. We also dropped him off at his first YMCA - Midnight Madness event this past Friday. He came home with a girl's number, he was so proud. He told me how her friend asked him if he liked the girl. He said she had hazel eyes... thats what caught his attention. LOL. He's in 6th grade and turns 12 years old this month. The teenage ways have begun!

He's also been begging for a cell phone. We promised one once he's met all of the following things.... he hits 12 years, he gets good grades (hoping for straight A's but some B's are okay), does his chores and has a good attitude. So far, he's fulfilled his side. He still has his moments of talking back but he is a good kid overall. In fact, his grades came in... and he's managed to get all A's and one B. Its a dramatic change from last year (very difficult year).

As for the haircut... all his friend are now calling him, Honey Badger. I guess he looks like that guy from the LSU team. LOL. I think its cool. Hubby is going to school for cosmetology but has always been talented with cutting hair. He just decided to do the blond treatment on him.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

So I'm down 0.2 pounds this week. It appears I'm only maintaining at this point. No real exercise in the routine and to be honest, I just don't have the energy for some reason. I'm not working as much and I come home... but I do have to admit the past week I have been feeling more wore out and I think its allergies.

Down here in Austin, we get Cedar Fever... I haven't seen the Cedar pollen show up on the allergy forecast but it usually starts this time of year and only in the past week have I started getting the deep, raspy, sexy voice. I'm under a lot of meds due to this and when I mix the allergy with my anxiety meds.... its like I am super drowsy. It sucks! Add in that its been really cold here, I just hate going out in the cold and the husband was sick this week too.

I really want to be in Onderland by the 1st of the year but I'm just feel VERY unmotivated. Its like I just want to throw in the towel and say..... I'll re-start at the 1st of the year once all the food and holidays are gone. I admit it! Everyone has brought out all the mini-chocolates from Hersey's and Reese's buttercups. I eat about 6 of these a day, in the afternoon. And then if the chips are in the house, I end up snacking on them even though I know damn well I'm not really hungry for them. They don't even taste that great, their too salty actually. Ugggh... I'm struggling right now.

Now I didn't have a too horrible week overall with calories... in fact I was under all but 1 day, but I went wayyy over on sodium intake on some days.

Also, I've been dealing with stomach issues too..... and using my Agave sweetner is not helping with it anymore. I even tried my some Metamucil pills my friend gave me but that didn't help. I hear all this gurgling but thats it. I'm like really? Really?

Anywho...I hope the rest of you had a better week. And I'm sorry for not being on as much, just been really focusing on work this week and trying to be a better employee, so far so good! :)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Yep... today is the day I was born 31 years ago. I wish I could say its really happy but that would be a lie. I don't care if I celebrate at all either. I didn't do anything for it this weekend and really have no plans to do anything in general. I guess I should feel blessed to be here another year but who knows. Just feeling real blah lately... Life is really beating me up lately. I know it can only get better, right? Ha! I hope so.

I'm so over everything right now.......... lol.

The picture above is the envelope to the birthday card I got from my co-workers. Nice! My one co-worker is so great at doing these things. Lol. I actually like it and wasn't expecting anything... this year no one forgot it was my birthday (which sucks since I want to forget this year).

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Down to 0.6 lbs this week. Not much to say other than, I did my best to stay under calories each day this past week. Ranging between 920 - 1450 calories... so I was technically under calorie each day. The only difference was I didn't get my water in every day. I think I went over sodium one day. I'm happy with this but I know that I really need to up my protein up, get my water in every single day... and get my ass moving some to lose the weight that I want and be down in Onderland by the 1st of the year.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

I hate that statement, but being the person that I am... I'm pretty much the type that lives on the realistic side of things. And when I hear that being applied to something happening directly to me, it kills me to admit that when some else is saying it to me. Truth hurts though, right?

I've been dealing with some issues with work and well I can't really divulge the details openly, its something that I have to deal with better. Even I have to come to the conclusion that I need to learn to deal with it better. I used to wonder when I was younger why so many of the older people would get upset by changes made. Now that I'm in my 30's, I've caught myself being that type of person. The type that gripes about all the new changes, the type that gets caught up in the office politics, the type that is almost always pessimistic and just a plain ol' complainer. I don't want to be that type of person, I like being a team player and the person others can come to if they need help.

Why? I admit there are some people I work with that are very much like this... and maybe I've allowed myself to get caught up in the mix of it. And now it has directly affected me. So from this day forward, I'm going to work on changing it. Again, I am the only one responsible for my actions. Time to be accountable, worry only about me and the job I'm doing... and not worry about others. As I look back on the past 6 months, I can say I probably have not been the best worker... attitude wise. I've made sure to do my job at the best of my ability and follow direction but my attitude about certain things has not been great and I do need to work on that.

I know there are things I cannot control about others around me or how things are handled, but I can control me. So that's what I will be doing going forward. Putting my best foot forward.....

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I kind of feel like I have nothing new to report. Lol. I know there is stuff happening in my life but it feels like things are moving kind of slow. Alright... lets see...

﻿

Snuk's first day of school.

﻿

My youngest son started school on Monday, well not officially school but is doing his evaluation with the school district and so far so good. He's been totally wiped out by the time he's picked up. They say he's doing very well. Hopefully I will know something shortly after this week regarding if he will be eligible to go to school come his 3rd birthday in January.

﻿﻿

I've been dealing with my downstairs neighbors (now really hating living in an apartment) for the past 6 months complaining about us stomping or making too much noise. First it started with the lady coming up and knocking on our door (mind you, any noise made is during the middle of the day). Well in the past few weeks they have been banging on their ceiling (our floor) really hard. I finally had enough because we were really doing nothing and called our office last week. Then last night, the kids and I just barely walked in the door and my husband tells me they just banged on the ceiling/floor right before we walked in... and all he was doing was chopping up some turkey. So I called again and the apartment manager came down to talk to them and us. Basically, they are ultra sensitive... and he hoped that we could work it all out and if not, since we're good residents... he suggested maybe moving us to a bottom unit. Fine either way... because they will be dealing with it no matter who is above them.

Finally I broke out crying yesterday after being ultra pissed off due to a work situation. I just kind of felt really attacked. I'm trying to figure out how to cope with people I work with and try not to be as sensitive or take things so personally. VERY difficult.

As for eating... doing pretty good on calorie intake, although I admit... I gave into my snacking the last two nights and had some Snickerdoodle cookies (last of our cookie dough) and chips the night before. The water intake has been pretty good too... and my sodium is lower. I got on the scale today... and I'm back in the 209's... here's hoping for a good weigh-in on Sunday.

As for this coming weekend... I have a dinner thing for Women Only that I was invited to on Friday with a local church. Looking forward to that. Then on Saturday my friend invited the whole family to a Christmas Party that she helps out with every year. And well no major plans for the birthday... I really don't feel up to it, I guess I feel like its no big thing since I'm only turning 31 years old... and each year I get let down, so its easier to just have no expectations. Lol.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

I'm up 1.4 lbs this week. Crazy thing is I had actually got down to 208.0 as of Tuesday and then it went downhill from that point during the week. I was off all week long besides Wednesday... I grocery shopped on Sunday and bought snacks (for the kids, hahaha) and I ended up eating the freakin' stuff! Chips and kettle popcorn.... ahhh! I did fine all week... until Wednesday. I didn't eat much of anything, I was starving... and went for a bag of popcorn. Then Thanksgiving day... I didn't do too bad until I ate that chocolate pie... and I purposely went to my mom's house the next day to eat the last of the pie. WTF? I've never done anything like that for food. Lol.

Lets just say the sodium monster caught up to me from the TWO, yes two grilled cheese sandwiches I consumed Wednesday night, then add in the chips and popcorn over the next couple of days. I tried to drink lots of water... Haha... good news is that I was originally up to 211.8 so as of this morning it dropped more. Crazy how our bodies work.

Good thing this coming week though..... back to work and back to getting on track with eating habits. No more snacking in between meals and I'll be getting my protein in as needed to avoid the snacking. Also I'm not too far from hitting Onderland, so my goal is definitely to get into the 100's by January 1st... so I really have to focus. I have 4 more weeks until then.

You know what else sucks..... On Tuesday when I stepped on the scale and seen 208.0; prior to receiving that number the scale was actually teetering between 198 and 199, and landed on 199. I knew that wasn't right... and then re-stepped and got my 208 over and over. I tell you the scale sucks for playing with our minds like this.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

I hope everyone has a wonderful day to day with family and friends. I am definitely thankful for all the blessings this year. Thankful for my family, my husband... even in our down moments. Its been a growing experience and thats what we're suppose to do, keep growing. Thankful for my children... watching them grow into little people each day. They are hilarious and I love it! It makes me a proud mama to see they are doing so well right now (lets hope it continues into teenage-hood, I have one on the brink of this). Thankful to have a job... although its been pretty rough lately with the office politics, I ultimately love my job and what I do everyday and I actually get paid pretty well. So that in itself is a blessing.

So I've had this past week off (besides yesterday) and the children have been home with me. Its been pretty interesting. The kids arguing and fighting over playing game systems or who's sitting next to mom on the couch. Then there's the downstairs neighbors banging on their ceiling (my floor) because my youngest is running around. I did talk to my office and complained about them... because we have 9-foot ceilings, they are purposely doing that. My son does not purposely stomp... and its hard to make a 2-year old understand not to stomp, jump, or even fall out and throw a tantrum. We do our best not to cause noise but sometimes its unavoidable with him.

Husband's Gumbo in the works...

Also... I cooked three times this week. WHAT?! Yes, its true. I don't cook normally. I made homemade gourmet Feta & Bacon pizza with romaine salad on Sunday. I then made cheeseburgers on Monday and Pork Tenderloin wrapped in Bacon with peas and rice pilaf on Tuesday. All turned out really well. I didn't cook last night, I took this allergy med because I had a major sinus headache and it mixed with my other meds and caused major sleepiness (and its non-drowsy). I didn't eat at all yesterday and when I did eat last night... it was a damn grilled cheese w/ a turkey slice... horrible on the sodium. Horrible. I ate two sandwiches too! WTF? And they did go down... I haven't done that in forever. Now onto getting my water in to clear out this sodium, definitely hard to do when I'm at home.

Outside of that... husband made Gumbo, a turkey, baked mac 'n cheese and a sweet potato pie for today. We're going over to my mom's. So yes, I didn't have to cook nada! Just how I like it. Haha...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

So I'm down 4lbs! OMG... and of course I double and triple checked. Its true. I finally lost the pounds I gained back about 3 weeks ago or even a month ago. Plus a little more. Awesome! I'm feeling good. So I'm going to post a picture of the weigh in today...

Kind of crazy to see that number... because that technically is my lowest of lows. I knew I was having a good week and seeing it drop but just wasn't expecting this. And I mentioned yesterday about hating exercise. Okay, I probably don't hate it but I hate the part of "forcing myself" to do it. Because once I'm doing it, I'm good. Like last night... went rollerskating, I super enjoyed myself. We were out there for about 2 1/2 hours and skated at least 75% of the time. I really do enjoy it. Its been so long since I've done it, but I noticed this time my legs didn't hurt as bad. I was stronger for sure and could do things easier. Fellow blogger Andrea commented yesterday regarding my "hate" for exercise... she's right, I need to do it, especially if I want to lose more and get to goal. I know this deep down, but I've been in denial. Lol.

So time to reflect on this past weeks food/water intake:

Sunday --- Under calories at 1072, over sodium by 150 (oops), no real water intake (another oops).

Monday --- Under calories at 1232, under sodium, only 24 ounces of water in.

Tuesday --- Under calories at 911, under sodium, 72 ounces of water in.

Wednesday --- Under calories at 989, under sodium, 120 ounces of water in (hoping that made up for Sunday/Monday, haha).

Thursday --- Under calories at 1187, over sodium by 75, got in 72 ounces of water.

Friday --- Under calories at 1448, under sodium, got in 72 ounces of water.

Saturday --- Under calories at 942, under sodium, 2 ounces of water.

Kind of interesting week. I wonder if it was the calorie days under 1000 that helped. I definitely was not snacking at all this week. No extra foods, nada. I haven't felt the urge to really eat any other stuff. TOM also visited and left Friday, so that probably helped in things.

I seen yesterday's complete on MFP... and with the exercising, it said I would weigh 186 in 5 weeks. Which makes me think... is that really possible with just some exercising? Possibly... especially if I stay under 1000 calories each day. Hmmm... and then I am friends with another bander, she has lost 105 pounds... and was banded 8 months ago, she said she did it by staying under 1000 calories a day. It really has got me thinking that maybe I should try this method, just see how it goes. I know others say they stall... but I guess it doesn't hurt to see for a period of time.

Anywho...... main goal this week, EXERCISE!

BTW... I hit my 2 year bandiversary..... on November 17th, nothing major since I'm still not close to where I should be. Lol.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Hmmm... I've kind of felt like I haven't had much to blog about lately. Not sure why. Lol. Or I actually was focused on doing work this week. I'm off for the next week (besides Wednesday for 6 hours) but just happy to have the break from work. And I've been making sure everything is caught as much as possible on my side. This is the first time in the 3 years I have been there, that I've been 5 days out on my work. Typically its 30 days. I guess now I understand why OT has been cut back (although I hate it and wish I could get more, HELLO! Holidays are here).

The good thing is... so far this week I have been doing pretty good on staying under calories and getting my water in. No exercising. Thats one thing I have been thinking about this week...... I hate it. Lets be real, I hate it with a passion. I don't want to do it. Now I know once I actually do it, I get really into it and keep going. But I just hate the fact of getting going. Maybe thats it? I don't know, I'm hoping that changes soon.

The other thing is these meds I'm on, its been about a week and a half... and I can say I do feel much better. It probably has helped in the focus department for work. And well I really don't give a damn about the people at work or all the other bullshit that was happening. I guess its what I really needed. Add in that I think its actually helping with the snacking stuff. Seriously, I haven't felt the urge to really eat, I just make sure I do eat when its time. I haven't been snacking at all... and when I looked on the scale yesterday, it was down a pound. I looked on the scale today..... down another pound. Hmmff? Almost back to 209. We'll see what the official number rings in tomorrow on weigh in day.

So yesterday my baby had her first Thanksgiving play (she's in 2nd grade). I wasn't able to attend because I was off earlier in the week for things pertaining to Snuk. Luckily, Dad was there and he took photos for me. He said it was very cute but also so funny. She played Indian #3, #7 and #8 (they didn't have enough Indian's). The kids knocked down their back drops they designed and when it came to her speaking part she was yelling it. Here are some photos:

As I mentioned previously... I was busy dealing with things for Snuk. He is currently getting Speech Therapy services through the ECI program. He has been for over a year now. We did his yearly evaluation on Monday and the results were VERY interesting. His speech is right on target! Great news. But he's fallen behind in his adaptive-self cares and some cognitive things. His attention span is horrible (yes, you expect that with a 2 year old) but they have observed him through out the year and noticed its very difficult to redirect him compared to other 2 year olds. I also had a meeting with the school district this week because we are working on transitioning him to school (basically once he hits 3 years old, the school district handles the special education). He goes for his big evaluation with the school the week after Thanksgiving... and that means he is in the classroom for the entire week, 4 hours a day. So we'll see how it all goes. :)

As for the rest of this weekend...... rollerskating tonight! And I've convinced my good friend to come with us. Hahaha.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Blahhhhhhhhhhhh! I kind of feel like this today and lately a little bit. I swear the holidays are so stressful. I remember as a kid how much I looked forward to them. And I've always said that the season of Fall is my favorite time of the year. Why? Because football starts (GEAUX SAINTS!), then Halloween, Thanksgiving, My Burfday and then of course Christmas!

Then I grew up and had kids.

Amazing how much that changes your perspective. Lol. Okay, I still love this time of year but I hate the stress of making sure I satisfy all of the kiddos desires. I want to make sure they are happy. Thats what we do as mama's. I know deep down they are happy and grateful for all they receive because they are well aware that we are not a family that comes from wealth and that we have moments where we struggle. Its just hard to remember that when this time of year comes.

Plus add in I have birthdays this time of year too...... first step-son's starts out in October, then Hubby's is in November, then mine is the beginning of December, then my oldest son's ends December, then youngest son's is the beginning of January and my daughter's is the end of January.

All of that kills the funds. I admit, usually we would combine birthdays... but now my oldest son is in middle school and wants to do his own thing. Then my daughter wants her own thing.... so its like ahhhhhh!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Yeppers! I did enjoy my time with fellow friends who relate to me. I never realized how nice it is to be around others who really do understand the way it feels to be stuck in a comfort zone due to your weight and who also help push you out of it when you need it. Its also nice when eating around them because they understand why you leave so much food on the plate, etc.

I met up with fellow bloggers and WLS ladies... Andrea, Angela, Brenda, Dawnya, Debi, Ronnie, and Sarah. I drove from Austin to Waco... I was fine about meeting everyone until I walked into the restaurant and realized, either A. I was the first one there, or B. the group of women in the back was all the ladies and I had the worst memory ever and did not recognize any of them. LOL. I even almost went up to them. Thank God, I saw Sarah walk up... and OMG, she is so little and she looks fabulous! She is definitely an inspiration to me. So Sarah and I chatted it up and apparently, I was the first one there. We waited for everyone to show up and then ordered lunch and ate. And you should have seen the amount of food... Sarah ordered a salad, when I seen it being brought to her... I was like woooowwww. They gave her half a loaf of bread. LOL. Even without the band, who eats that?

We then hit up the shops above the restaurant called Spice Village. It was definitely a cool place. I've never been to something like this. The shops were all joined together. I really didn't shop too much in there since I was on a budget aka broke! Lol. But Sarah and I discovered this jewelry spot... and I was able to find some cute earrings for 50 cents a piece. Can't wait to wear them. Afterward we all went to a different shopping strip and hit up Marshall's, Pier 1 and Ross. I had just gone to Ross the night before... but I did manage to find me some red flats (been wanting some and couldn't find any).

It was really cool to get to know everyone, I probably was a bit quiet. I'm not sure... lol. I tried to chime in, etc. I definitely enjoyed talking and hanging out with everyone. Dawnya is a trip! She had me dying laughing the whole time. Debi is very funny too, she has this funny type of sense of humor. I talked some with Andrea... and she said my red shoes were cute! Hopefully we can talk more next time. I sat next to Brenda during lunch so we got to know each other and talked about our kiddos. Angela was very sweet and definitely knows fashion... I will have to get some tips from her when I lose more weight and go shopping for clothes. I like her style. Ronnie was too funny... especially when she tried on some jeans.

Overall, I had a great time with the ladies... and can't wait to get know them even more when we meet up again.

So I'm back down by 1.2 lbs this week. I like to see a loss... hoping I can get back to the 209 I seen a month ago. Its like I hit the lowest of my lows and then stop. I hate that. I also know I am my own worst enemy... and I do this thing where I'm like yes, I did it... and sabotage I suppose.

Time to reflect back on my weekly food:

Monday --- Under calories, was over in sodium by like 400 (Yikes!). Got in 72 ounces of water for the day.

Tuesday --- Over calories by 61, over sodium by 61. Got in 48 ounces of water. Bad day for some reason... it was probably work related. Lol.

Wednesday --- Under calories, under sodium. Only 48 ounces of water for the day.

Thursday --- Under calories (got in 953), under sodium. Got in 72 ounces of water for the day.

Friday --- Under calories (another day of 948), under sodium. Got in 72 ounces of water for the day.

Saturday --- Under calories, under sodium. Not too good on water intake.

I definitely see a difference this past week compared to the prior week..... Still no exercising yet. I don't know why I don't want to exercise. I hate that I feel so lazy.

I did finally get the food scale, so I'm sure that assisted this past week. Actually weighing out my food and seeing that some things I was right on with guestimating but others, not so much. Definitely an eye-opener on the overeating part.

Oh and I also decided to post some new pics under my Weight Photos... I bought some tights (that I wore yesterday) and figured these were good for posting pics of me since its more fitted and I can see my body better. I'm also going to do measurements today... since its been awhile.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

So excited this morning! I'm actually up early, willingly. Haha. Gotta get myself dressed since I showered last night. I'm going to Waco to meet up with fellow BOOBs (or lapbanders) who are in the Texas area. We're gonna have lunch and who knows what else. Definitely bringing my camera. This is gonna be awesome. :)

I'm so excited to meet other people who are on this journey and have had success with it... and lets be honest, I need some words in person to help me get this motivation in high gear. I can't wait to meet everyone!

Also, I finally get to meet my friend Sarah after all these years, we originally met off of MySpace back in 2007. Even while I lived in the same city and never had a chance to meet in person. So I'm excited to meet her and see how fabulous she looks... because she also had WLS and has lost 120 lbs since. She is definitely an inspiration that it can be done. I know she's gonna be all little... lol.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I figured I'd do an update with the good and the bad things lately...... why not, eh?

Good thing - Got my doctor to put in the prescription for Lexapro. Bad thing - Went to pick it up at the pharmacy and they said it would be $106.00 (for a 30 day supply) due to my lovely insurance. I told the pharmacist "ohhh no, you can put that back on your shelf. Like take it out of the bag with my name and put it back for someone else because I'm not getting it today OR later."

Good thing - Went to therapy... and basically cried it out all about my freakin' job. I admit, I feel a bit paranoid by certain people... like their out to get me fired. Glad I got all the crying and pent up emotions out. Bad thing - Therapist said I really need to have some meds right now :(

Good thing - Talked to my doctor about an alternative med (cheaper) or samples. No samples since that drug will finally go generic next year and the drug reps are no longer bringing them but I can get this other one called Celexa and its only $3.95. Bad thing - I'm worried it won't work as fast or well as the brand...... I guess I have to wait and see.

Good thing - Found out the new prescription has a side effect of causing weight loss. Bad thing - Probably won't be an actual side effect for me. Lol.

Good thing - A guy a Walmart yesterday tried to "holla" at me (aka pick me up)... I was walking in and him out, he was almost yelling after me. Bad thing - He was this old looking dude... at least 45+ and looked it. Lol. I kept walking... a bit faster too and said eww in my head.

Good thing - I've actually been doing pretty well on foods this week during the day! And my water intake. Bad thing - Night time delights (and I mean desserts). Keep in mind I managed to buy like 4 things of cookie dough... to help the kids in school fundraisers. As well as Halloween candy (thank God that is gone).

Good thing - Got a birthday gift.... a throw with kitties on it (I love cats!).Bad thing - My birthday isn't until December 5th. And I'm pretty sure the rest of my department will forget it again, as they have for the past 3 years (by the way, that accounts for why they think I'm still not 30 yet... turning 31 this year).

Good thing - Even though I almost exhausted all my PTO from being sick the last month or so... I found out I can borrow from the last PTO I will accrue this year and still take off the week of Thanksgiving! I need time away from the job, like for real! Bad thing - Will be at home the entire week with 3 kids alone, ahhhhh! (I do love my kiddos, but not too sure about being with them for a week straight... not sure if thats a real vacation.)

I had to post this... after reading her blog and seeing this... it reminds me of what I need to be doing. You see, its easy for me to forget or get comfy with myself and fall back into old/bad FatChica habits. I know deep down I want to lose this but I need these reminders..... So I'm happy to see this out there and READ it again. I hope that by reading it over and over again.... it will finally sink into my thick ass skull. Lol.

Top 10 Reminders for Unlocking the Keys to Band Success (thanks to LapBand Gal!)

The band is not primarily about restriction

The band is first about reduced appetite (hunger) and eating less.

Always stop eating when you no longer feel physically hungry. This may be long before you actually feel full.

Measure foods, eat only the amount you measure, and then walk away.

Do not rely on your stomach "feeling full" as your signal to stop eating. This can easily lead to chronic overeating because the stomach "tells" the brain it's full about 20 minutes after it actually is.

Never eat until you are "stuffed."

Never eat more simply because you can.

The key to successful weight loss is not how much you can eat, but how little you can eat to suppress appetite.

Pay close attention to your bodies signals that you are done eating. For some people this can be hiccups, a runny nose, watery eyes, a sigh, or a slight pain in the left shoulder. What does you body tell you?

The band is a tool, you are the user, the controller, of the tool. Like any tool, it is only as effective as the person using it. You can use is effectively (like hitting the hammer on the head of the nail) or ineffectively (hit the hammer all around the nail). You control the tool, not the other way around By being careful and attentive you too will become a Band master.

I agree with all of these rules.... I'm still learning my true body signals but I sometimes end up with the hiccups and sometimes do the "big sigh". I want to be a Band Master!

Monday, November 7, 2011

So here's some fun stuff..... after all of the depressing posts. But hey, this is my place to vent and even talk about the down in the dumps stuff. Here I figured I wouldn't be doing much this weekend. WRONG! I knew we had my oldest son's Flag Football tournaments, its end of season. Then add in that I promised the kids (mine and my neice/nephew) that I would take them rollerskating too. All of these things would occur on Saturday, that was the plan originally.

Friday --- After work, I ended up going grocery shopping with hubby for food for this coming week. So I did accomplish that part on getting things back on track for the weight thing. I also had the mentality that I had until Monday to actually do it (bad thinking, I know). I also forgot to get my food scale (Hubby is getting that for me today). We ended up going Christmas shopping and getting the expensive stuff for the kids (did layaway at Walmart). Still have some things to get in the meantime but the major things are out of the way. Got home about 9:45ish... so late night with not great dinner choices.

Saturday --- Got to sleep in. That was really nice. And not feel guilty (since usually I feel I have to go to work on Saturdays). We went to my oldest son's Flag Football tournament around 1:30ish... my nephew also plays on the same team (the Bucs). There are 3 games played... and the 3rd game is the winner of the Super Bowl. Lol. Well they won their first game against the Cardinals. My son was quarterback and threw very well for his team... my nephew caught 3 and made touchdowns each time. They boys then had a one-hour break. So we hit up McDonald's. We went to this one that was designed all moddern. I sat on a stool to my table... to eat. It was strange for a McDonald's. And there was a fire place with two metal rocking chairs next to it. Lol.

We eventually made it back to play the 2nd game against the Bronco's. However, they couldn't pull it off to win against the Bronco's... so no Superbowl. :( But they were okay with it. Haha. In the meantime, Brayden had fun running around all the fields and my niece and his Papa Matt spun him around in circles. It was a really nice day on Saturday. I think overall, the family had a great time.

Now the original plan was to go rollerskating Saturday night, but that was cancelled when my husband realized that LSU was playing against #2 team Alabama. We kept going back and forth... but eventually he won. I know the kids were disappointed but we promised to go the next day. So hubby and I headed to Buffalo Wild Wings to meet up with fellow LSU fans... it was a sea of purple. We had a great time... definitely a close game. I also ate the largest amount of calories at one setting ever since re-starting my weight loss journey. I am so embarassed and was shocked that one plate could be that many calories. I went WAYYY over the top...... with the band (and I'm not proud of myself either).

Sunday --- No sleep in time. Brayden made sure of that. I woke up to him handing me a baguette of french bread and a plate in my back... telling me "I can't get this open". Umm... yeah, good cause thats for dinner this coming week. The older kids ended up staying the night with my parents and went to church that morning. So we were up about 8am. Hung out for a bit and the kids all were dropped off with us. And we were off to rollerskating at Playland Skate Center. I even brought out my skates from when I was 14 years old.

The kids had a great time! My nephew was a little upset because he wanted rollerblades, I said nope use the quads! David didn't skate... but I did! We were there for about 2 1/2 hours... and I skated for a majority of the time. Talk about a workout. I knew my legs would burn and OMG... did they, its all in your ankles, calves, shins... and then eventually it went up to my hips and lower back. But after being out there for awhile (I did take a few breaks, but not for too long)... I got used to it. I had a great time. I even managed to cross over my feet and ALMOST skate like I used to. I haven't skated in probably 10 years. Definitely some good times. BTW -- no falls from me! Still got it! Plan is to back in two weeks on a Saturday night when its more hype! Check out the pictures below.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I'm up by one! No fault but my own... I would like to say, no comment. However, I know what I did this past week... (photo to follow)

Weekly Re-cap:

Monday --- Over calories by 77 for the day, got 72 ounces of water in and made poor food choice (which included a chili cheese dog)

Tuesday --- Under calories, got in 48 ounces of water (under water goal for day) and made poor food choice (ate out for lunch at a mexican restaurant, I did cut that portion down. And then ate chines for dinner)

Wednesday --- Under calories, got in 72 ounces of water. Actually stuck to the good food.

Thursday --- Over calories by 2 for the day, got in 72 ounces of water for day but ate lunch at work (not great food and really hard to track the calories on).

And don't even get me started on Saturday's food choices........ so overall, I expected a gain. I have done horrible this past week and really gone off track. I'm pretty much over the pity-party I have given myself for the past 3 weeks. I've been eating whatever I really wanted, even with guilt and knowing better. I've been mad, sad, depressed....... all of the above. I'm over it! I want to lose weight and I want to actually do well on losing some real pounds by the 1st of 2012.

Now I am participating with fellow bandster Trisha on this challenge, so a new week approaches and its time to seriously commit to this thing and make some moves! NO MORE EXCUSES >>> Fat Amanda!

Friday, November 4, 2011

I can't focus for nothing at work. I am VERY stressed out with finances at home (not sure why I keep freakin because we're okay for now). I had a really bad day yesterday (I actually cried in front of a co-worker, I don't cry at work). Usually I leave the crying for my shower. I feel like I'm going crazy... seriously, I have a lot of anxiety and I'm not sure why.

Thats my biggest question right now, WHY am I feeling like this? I just feel off.

Add in that with all of this anxiety, it is really triggering me with making bad food choices. Seriously! I also get home and feel exhausted... that I don't want to do anything. I wonder if this is depression and anxiety at the same time? Hmm.

I know my therapist mentioned getting something for it, but I figured I could handle it on my own. Uggh! Thats the other thing, I don't want to go to the doctor because I have a high deductible health plan and have not come close to meeting the deductible... so for me to get a prescription, it will cost the doctor visit. FML! You see all these worries going on with me? [EDIT: Called doc, spoke to the nurse and because I am seeing a therapist, I may be able to get my prescription without visiting the doctor in person **crosses fingers**] [EDIT Again: Doctor's office called, no visit needed... and their sending the prescription to the pharmacy, YAY! I love my OB's office.]

Anywho... onto other things >> I will be doing this challenge with Trisha called Kickin' Kriss Kringle's Kookies in the Kooter Challenge.The goal is to lose 20 lbs by January 1, 2012. Now thats a hefty goal for me. Technically, that is less than 2 months away. I'm sure I can do this. But I'm so scared of failing. I also know I need something like this to keep me motivated and in the game of weight loss. Plus I know its best to do weight loss in small increments..... and eventually I will get to where I need to be. So I am going to do this! So I plan on working on the graphic badge for the challenge this weekend (when I really have nothing else to do)... just been really tired and out of it (due to above, I believe) this past week. Hoping it turns out good! Lol. The next steps to complete this major goal for me include the following:

Getting a food scale (I found the BL food scale at Walmart for 19 bucks) and I need to start weighing my food, especially the dinner portions since that is where I usually mess my day up!

No more guesstimating on food portions, be exact.

Follow Lap Band rules.

Sign up for E-Mealz website to get Menu Plans for dinners on the low-cal diet

As for eating out, curb it to only once every 2 weeks & make wise food choices, as well as watch portions (take my handy TR measuring cup to make sure).

No candy, cookies, cakes or any other sweets except on actual holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving) and on my Birthday (coming to you on December 5th!)

Exercise at least 3 days per week and it must mean I actually sweat!

First weigh in counted will be this Sunday's since thats when I do my normal weigh-in's. Lets see how this goes...

I can do this. I know I can.

Also..... plans of Flag Football tournament this weekend and rollerskating with the kids (I haven't skated in years, hope my legs work right).

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Some interesting things lately. I may lay it out bullet style mid-way through this post. So I've been pretty stressed out regarding of all things MONEY (the thing most people worry about). A lot of things have finally caught up to our money situations and well... with the trip hubby took unexpectedly to Houston and having to get him back in school again (there was a fee for that), it kind of set us back a little further.

I think thats why I've had snacky moments and then add in that I've been chewing the HELL out of my fingernails. Yes, a bad habit I've had since a kid. I don't smoke, nor drink (very often) but I will bite my lil' nubs like its nothing. This is the most recent damage. Ugghh! I need to leave them alone. I haven't bit them this bad in a LONG time. I bit them so bad it hurts when I type.

I'm hoping things get better soon. I'm sure they will.

So yesterday... at work I got a "prank call"... or so I believe that. It was the strangest and kind of funny thing.

Yeah, thats how my day started yesterday. And unfortunately it looked like he was transferred to my line, so no way of catching the phone number. Awkward. Lol.

[EDIT: Good news... some things came through on the financial front, looks like we'll be okay. Budget, Budget, Budget!]

As for last night... the family stayed in and it was nice. Me and the hubby were invited to go out with some friends to downtown Austin. Lots of people head down to 6th Street and show off their costumes. Lol. But we decided to stay in and ended up watching American Horror Story.... very good by the way.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

So weighed myself this morning and down 0.2 lbs of what I gained back last week. Crazy! I did well this week on my water intake, made sure to get in 72-96 ounces every single day. Happy to see I did stick to that this week (minus the weekend). I do admit I did go over my on calories by about 97 on Friday. Uggh but it was our family Halloween party night. Lol.

I did notice that on the weekends, for whatever reason I barely eat anything. Weird since all during the week, its all I think about.

I am happy that I'm sticking to things during the week but I can admit, I've been VERY snacky. All of the candy around the office and then when I get home... I'm searching for chips or whatever. I don't know why because I feel full from dinner. So I know its all head hunger. Well really, maybe I do know the why. I guess a lot of underlying stress from the relationship issues is finally catching up.

I did no exercise this week, no excuse really. Just a lot of OT . The good thing on that is that the boss sent out an email on Thursday saying their cutting our OT back to only 5 hours a week. That means I'll be able to get out of work by 5pm every day (basically its forcing me to go home) and it means I have no reason not to do some type of exercising now (like I did before).

In other good news, I was invited to a Mini-Boobs meet up with fellow LapBanders who reside in the Texas region. So excited! Its November 12th and I am going to meet up with other LapBand Ladies who are doing what they should with this band. Truth is, I need this... I need to see the results in person, I need to hear them in person to realize its REAL! I am hoping I find some re-newed inspiration and motivation. And maybe I need some damn tough love from them to kick my ass into doing the right thing and losing the weight I have been wanting to lose all along in the past 2 years. I can't wait to go....

Goals for this Week: Get in 72-96 ounces of water every day (even on the weekend), stay under calorie goal (so I can lose at least 1 whole pound of what I gained back), and EXERCISE >> walking 3x this week for 1 hour (gotta get that sweat out).