Tuesday, January 17, 2012

This week has already been one those "aha" moment weeks where the Lord, in His faithfulness, goodness, and love, has opened my eyes and slapped me across the face with revelation and truth. It's weeks like these that I'm extra and utterly humbled and joyful in the fact that I am a chosen daughter of the King, that He chooses me to be a part of His reconciliation and reclamation project, and that I am given life to make Him known. I wish every moment were like today, where all I can think to do is praise Him. I hate that my sin so often gets sin the way of that. It's days like today that become remembrance days. When I am deep in struggle or doubt or fear, I "remember the joy of my salvation" - I remember and dwell on days like today when the Lord seems so intimate and real and close. And I find a deep and unshakable joy in that- that no temporary suffering, sadness, or pain can strip away.

I'm in Telluride, Colorado this week with the family I nanny for. A perk of the job is that I get to travel pretty often with them. I have just entered my 5th year with this family. If you had asked me on week one if I would make it 5 years, I would have adamantly said no. But the Lord has had other plans. This family doesn't know Jesus. Even know I'm tearing up thinking how the Lord hand picked me to be His representative to them. I have failed often. There have been days I wanted to quit for selfish reasons, but the Lord (in His all knowing wisdom and mercy) would not allow me to. I look at my first year and how hard conversations about the Lord with the parents were, how hardened their hearts were, how difficult and awkward it was...and I compare it to now, where conversations about Christ are like breathing air. Driving from the airport to where we're staying Erica and I got into some pretty deep conversations about marriage, sex, divorce, children, schooling, life...where I just got to proclaim truth to her. I have been given the opportunity to watch their hearts slowly soften to the gospel and be more awakened to truth and who Christ is. I sit here thinking about it and I get so frustrated when I make this thing of life about me, when it is SO CLEAR that there is something huge going on. Jesus Christ is the star of an incredible story and He has invited us - His adopted sons and daughters - to join Him in it. There is no greater joy than to be a part of the sharing and furthering of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The past few weeks I've also been a part of a beautiful depiction of a God-produced friendship, uniquely meeting them, being woken up in the middle of the night to pray specific scripture for them, having other friends praying for them without me asking them to, sharing scripture with them that they read that very same day, encouraging and being encouraged by them in depth- and in the midst of it, being called by the Lord to lay down some deep desires of mine to obey Him in being a part of the sanctification of someone else. I want to kick and scream some days and say "WHAT ABOUT ME! WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT!" but man...it's not long at all before the Holy Spirit speaks truth into my soul about who Christ is, who I am in Christ, and what Christ has called me to. The more I come to know Jesus, the more I fall in love with Him. The more I fall in love with Him, the more I absolutely detest and hate my sin. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I want to love Him so deeply that it goes away. And, it's in that desire that a yearning and a hope for His forever redemption and renewal comes into play.

I'm ready to see Christ face-to-face. As I've grown closer to Him, He's eliminated fears and insecurities and replaced them with anticipation and hope for His return. I love Him fiercely and passionately.

So, here's to 2012. I'm so excited about this year - more than any other year - and I'm not really sure why. I'm excited to see and experience the promises of the Lord and to walk in the newness of who I am in Him. Yay. :)

Myself

I want my life to be marked by the love of Christ. I long to know Him deeper every day and make Him known, here and across the globe. He is our only hope, and in Him is life and joy that nothing and no one else can offer. I pray to be used as a testament of His grace!