Sajini Chandrasekera

this is where I am at

Standing on the sea shore I looked far way into the deep blue sea where the White Sea waves were crashing into each other and making the air filled with its splashing noises. How I loved the sea and how I enjoyed the swims and late night walks on the beach, how I embraced the silence on cold nights just watching the night sea but how fast things changed and I never for a moment dreamt that the sea I loved so much would one day hurt me and will make me feel so alone. I closed my eyes to recall the memory of that painful day which bought tears and pain to my life.

26th December 2004 was just another day to me and my kids but what special was it was time of year where the holidays are and my husband had got leave from his work place and it was indeed a time to celebrate. Previous day was Christmas and after a late night filled with joy and laughter had a late morning. Sun rays had touched the ground hours before and I felt lazy to feel the coldness of the ground. As I looked out of my window I saw the sea with its deep blue rich ambiance very calm and quiet but looking deep for a foremost reason I felt the sea was disturbed. I felt the calm sea was hurdling a battle at very deep ends and only if I listened I would have heard the loud cries that warned to the mankind. If only I had.......

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It was past 9 am and I was busy with the house hold chores and having two little men and one grown man was like feeding an army but these are the happiness of my life and I always make special effort to make them happy. Even though I was busy preparing breakfast on and off my eyes wandered to the sea and my heart was disturbed to an uncomfortable feeling. It was just near 9.30 am and my family was about to take our breakfast when we heard loud cries of people who were screaming for help and heavy splashes of the sea thundering my ears. My husband and I took hold of my two boys who were in the ages of 10 and 6 and without knowing what's happening we rushes out of the house and there we saw was beyond our wildest dreams. The mighty sea waters were pouring inland had covered all grounds and was so high. Fear and death crept into my mind and I wanted my kids and husband to be safe but everything happened so quickly that within seconds my finders were detached from my husbands who was carrying my youngest son and even though he was a good swimmer the sea waters were much more powerful than any force at that time.

All I remembered was that holding my eldest son I was battling to keep my son close to me and trying to breathe but it was struggle in vain as I lost the grip of my son. The water was so high and even at such catastrophic period I knew life is at stake and I remembered I screamed for my son but my scream was just one of the loud cries of pain that no one heard on their own battle for life. I remembered hitting my head on something hard and felt my body floating on a surface and finally when I woke up life was changed from better to worst. When I woke up in a hospital bed after 2 days of the incident all I saw was my sisters and brothers and every event which happened on that day flashed on my mind and I kept on asking for my kids and husband and all I got was that they are doing good and is in hospital for little injuries. How happy I was to learn that my family was saved and was looking forward to see my kids so much.

Days turned into nearly a week and still with a crippled leg and some painful wounds I finally was taking into the painful reality. My husband and my eldest son were killed with more than 40,000 others and my little son was missing. I screamed my lungs out and I cursed the sea for making me so lonely and taking all my happiness away, for making me helpless and most of all taking my dear most loved ones away. I cried and cried till tears were not falling down. For months and months I cried hoping that one day soon they all will walk down but how wrong I was. They never came back.

It was after 6 months that I visited my hometown. There was no trace of our house where once happiness was filled. All I saw was rumbles and piles of bricks. My relatives wanted to move in with them but for unknown reasons I wanted to build up my life in the same place which I did. Every single evening I use to sit on the rocks and watch the sea and think of all what I lost on that faithful day but I never hated the sea. I couldn't hate what loved once. It was not its fault to create a tsunami but other unseen forces which made it happen in an invisible way.

It was exactly 8 years ago on a day like today which made the whole nation mourn for the sake of humanity and today I look far into the waters of this calm sea just find a glimpse of my husband and my two little boys who were washed away to the deep grounds of sea....

7 Comments:

Oh, Sajini, I had no idea. I cannot even imagine the pain you felt. I lost a child, but you lost a family.

It is because of God's mercy and grace that you are today the Queen of Love, spreading sunshine wherever you go. I see God working through you day after day. You are AMAZING and definitely one of the strongest people I know!

Thinking of you today and hoping your mind and heart are crowded with beautiful memories.