Kids share their experiences with bullying

Sunday

Jul 3, 2011 at 12:01 AM

Marshall Elementary School students Sheldon Arce, who just completed eighth grade, Alex Pascua, who finished sixth grade, and Jonah Phillips, who finished fifth grade, have endured the physical blows and stinging words of bullies since they were in the first grade.

Lori Gilbert

Marshall Elementary School students Sheldon Arce, who just completed eighth grade, Alex Pascua, who finished sixth grade, and Jonah Phillips, who finished fifth grade, have endured the physical blows and stinging words of bullies since they were in the first grade.

Sheldon, 14, who will be an Edison High freshman in the fall, is teased about his sexual orientation. It stems, he said, from his manners, the way he's always enjoyed "girl" things like sewing, and the fact he wore his hair long, a tradition in his Filipino family, when he first started school. Some even taunted him when his parents divorced, saying they must not have loved him very much.

Alex, 12, has been singled out since first grade as well, and the recently completed school year was the worst. All but one student in his class took exaggerated means to avoid him, prompted by "Alex Touch." This particularly humiliating exercise stemmed from an incident in the popular book and movie "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid," called Cheese Touch, in which no one will touch a stale piece of cheese left on the ground.

Jonah is a bright, sensitive boy without any real friends. Classmates began teasing him from his first day of kindergarten or first grade, he said, because of his high voice. Like Sheldon, he's called "gay."

This year a student put a "kick me" sign on Jonah's back and another classmate complied. When Jonah was in second grade kids took his shoes and buried them in the tanbark.

Classmates refer to him as "Loner Joner."

"I only have one friend," Jonah said. "No, two, I have two."

The three are of different ages and ethnic makeup. Sheldon is Filipino, Alex is Latino and Jonah is Caucasian, but they are linked by their roles as victims, sharing their stories on this day in the office of assistant principal Laurie Coates.

The outside of her office is covered with pictures and flyers with anti-bullying messages.

"I just don't tolerate it," she said.

Fatal consequences of bullying in schools have raised awareness of the growing problem, initiated curriculum to target the problem and launched surveys and studies to better understand it.

One study indicates 23.7 percent of boys and 18.8 percent of girls are bullied in U.S. schools. Another says 77 percent of all K-12 students experience bullying.

The daunting numbers only speak to the magnitude of the bullying problem.

Coates cannot monitor every student every minute of the school day though, and bullying incidents occur.

"Every single day of our life, this is what it's like. Every day it's the same thing. It's just suffering and anger," Alex said. "How is anyone supposed to feel about this? This can ruin your life. How is someone supposed to deal with this? How are you supposed to get past all this? It's hard. It's the hardest thing anyone can do in their life. It takes so much work, so much determination. It's just so hard."

Hard to be called names, be pushed around, hit, and made to feel they are somehow less valuable or worthy than others in the school or in their classroom.

For some, the consequences are fatal.

"I was thinking about suicide," admits Sheldon. "I never told anyone about this. If I don't live on this earth I never have to worry about someone calling me gay, but when I think about it, if I ever do a suicidal thing, nothing happens to them. I have a future ahead of me. I want to go into the military. I want to help my mom, buy her a house with a rose garden."

Sheldon has friends in school who support him. He sings and is quite popular when he performs. One of his favorite pick-me-ups is the song "I Have Confidence," which Julie Andrews sang in "The Sound of Music."

"Kurt Hummel (the openly gay teenager) on 'Glee,' I related to him so much," Arce said. "What he's going through, that is like my life right there. My parents divorced. His mother died. He's been bullied, pushed into lockers. Finally someone broadcast how people get bullied. I'm like this character. I don't care what people say. I stand up for what I am. I'm like Kurt Hummel."

The three are accepting of one another and take some comfort in knowing they're not alone in being targeted.

It feels that way, sometimes.

Coates went into Alex's classroom earlier this year and took the students to task for their treatment of him. She asked who would stand with her beside him, and only one student stood up.

"I'm in some kind of void I couldn't get out of," Alex said.

Sheldon likens being the victim of bullying to being on the bottom of the food chain.

"It's like a war versus a poor defenseless kid by someone bigger than you, smarter than you, more popular than you," Jonah said. "You can't win."

The daily, hurtful torment they suffered didn't prevent any of the boys from attending school every day.

"Sometimes I feel fear," Sheldon said.

So does Alex.

"The day after I got beat up pretty bad, I had bruises and cuts and scratches," Alex said. "I thought, 'What if he does this to me again?' I wasn't able to fight back. 'What am I going to do if this happens again?' "

Alex's revelation, which came after nearly two hours of their sharing their ordeals, finally became too much for Jonah.

"Do you hear this?" he asked Coates, becoming overwhelmed with emotion. "Kids are afraid to go to school. Someone has to expel them for at least a week. Look at him," he said, pointing to Alex. "He's afraid to go to school because of bullies."

As the three spoke of their experiences one morning in the school library, they said the love and support of their families helps them endure the hurt they experience at school. And, despite those dreary days, they express an amazing optimism.

Sheldon dreams of becoming a military pilot, like a cousin. Jonah wants to be a firefighter; Alex, a technical engineer.

"I'm not gonna let some spineless arrogant bullies stop me," Jonah said. "I'm not going to let them take what I want most."

He described his life as being in a maze, trapped by bullies at both ends.

"I've been on an unbeatable maze since I was born, but once I get out of college, once I get through that stuff, it'll be different," Jonah predicts.