Game of Thrones: "The Prince of Winterfell" Recap

It seems this week was the final “moving the chess pieces” episode. In addition to moving chess pieces, we also saw some relationships get much more serious. Needless to say, Robb and Lady Stark will not be attending Mother Boy this year …

[Remember – If you must discuss book-related spoilers, take it to the Game of Thrones title card thread. Thanks. ]

Theon – Things are not working out so well. We learned for certain that he just burnt a couple innocent kids and his sister shows up, calls him a cunt and asks him to come home before somebody kills him. Who hasn’t had that conversation with a sibling they once fingered on horseback?

Yara – She called Theon a dumb cunt which is always fun. She likes chicken wings and beer. No wonder Theon was so attracted to her when they met. Then they had a tender moment.

Jon Snow – A prisoner who still doesn’t have a hat. Will he fall in love with the Gingerling?

The Lord of Bones – Remember this name. Not only because it will make an excellent name for a retired Derek Jeter, but because he seems like a real fun guy.

Robb Stark – Its going on romantic walks during a war. Man, this girl does not have him thinking straight.

Talisa – She finally makes a serious emotional connection with The King In the North. Oh, and she gets naked which is probably the most important part of the entire episode. That says a lot about the lack of action. Also, tearing clothes off in Westeros is a difficult task.

Catelyn Stark - WTF? Lady Stark has had her moments, but this one takes the cake. First she saves Jaime’s life, then she sets him free so she can save her daughters? I don’t blame Robb for throwing her in jail. Besides, he’s got a new woman in his life.

Jaime Lannister -Free Jaime Lannister was just kind of an arrogant prick, but Prisoner Jaime Lannister is awesome. He doesn’t fear death, so he speaks his mind and he doesn’t worry about hurting feelings. Basically he’s an arrogant prick, but he’s much funnier about it now. I think it’s the beard.

Brienne – I think this is the same plot as The Bounty Hunter. I bet these two end up kissing!

The Mountain – It should be noted that there is a different actor playing The Mountain this year. We haven’t seen him do anything badass yet, which is disappointing. The Mountain and The Hound should each do something absurdly violent once an episode.

Bronn – As fun as Tyrion and Bronn were as new friends, they might be better as an old married couple.

Tyrion – Is he really coming up with a plan that will successfully employ pig shit? Lucky that Cersei picked the wrong whore. “Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where are the gods of tits and wine?”

Sam - Not cut out to shovel latrines. Don’t worry though. Soon he’ll be wielding dragonglass and leading a siege to save Jon Snow. That sounds realistic, right?

Arya -Walked right out the front door. She might not be too clever.

Jaqen H’ghar - “Please?”

Cersei - The darkest scenes in the entire show take place between Cersei and Tyrion without any on-screen violence whatsoever. The way they (kind of, maybe) love each other, hate each other and begrudgingly respect each other is chilling.

Stannis – Who names a crabber’s son the Hand of the King? Honestly.

Joffery – A short, but sweet appearance for our King last night. Hats off to the kid who plays Joffrey because he has created one of the most versatile and evil douchebags in the history of television. Joffrey Baratheon belongs on Entourage.

Bran and Rickon – Oh yeah, they’re alive.

Finally, the cast is so big (and great) that every week someone is ignored. Since the series will continue for a couple more seasons, plenty of stuff will be left unresolved over the next couple weeks. Which one will kill you the most if they are ignored?