Posted
by
samzenpus
on Monday July 26, 2010 @02:31PM
from the thank-you-science dept.

Hugh Pickens writes "Discover Magazine reports that despite the average person shaking hands nearly 15,000 times in a lifetime, one in five (19 per cent) admit they hate the act of the handshake and are unsure how to do it properly, regularly making a handshake faux pas such as having sweaty palms, squeezing too hard or holding on too long while over half the population (56 per cent) say they have been on the receiving end of an unpleasant handshake experience in the past month alone. But help is at hand as scientists have developed a mathematical equation for the perfect handshake taking into account the twelve primary measures needed to convey respect and trust to the recipient. The research was performed at the behest of Chevrolet as part of a handshake training guide for its staff and is meant to offer peace of mind and reassurance to its customers. A full guide to the perfect handshake is available on Flickr."

Then you must not be doing it well. If it's taking a long time to please her then you just aren't doing it right.

If its hot, passionate, and she feels properly taken then you won't have to make any special efforts and hold out. She'll finish as fast or faster than you will.

I think this very much depends on the woman in question. I'm lucky that my wife has a similar sex drive to me and takes roughly the same time as I do, we both get there fairly fast and afterward we both feel thoroughly satisfied.:)

Then again, for whatever reason, some women just take longer to come (or sometimes literally can't come at all no matter how long you last). I'm sure that this at least partly explains the huge disparity between women who want it just as much as men, and women who really don't e

The Seinfeld episode that delved into the handshake protocol gave me the best advice I could need when it comes to a good handshake. Reach in, grab firmly, give one pump and two shakes, let go.

But whatever you do, don't be one of those goddamn 'early squeezers'. Sure, a firm handshake gives the impression of strength and personal power, but it's cheating to clamp down and squish their fingers together the moment you reach their second knuckle joint. I used to work with a guy who did that and if I wasn't paying attention, I'd get my fingers mashed together well before there was even any palm contact. It's like the sucker-punch of handshakes.

There are some people who give really awful handshakes. There's your early squeezers, but also people who squeeze too hard, as if they want to squeeze you into submission. And people who shake hands at a really odd angle so you're basically at their mercy.

I don't know why these people can't do a normal handshake, but the awful travesty they make of it leaves me with a desire to kick them. They seem to be mostly men, and business/manager types. Really odd, because it seems to me that in that line of work, ha

Wipe your sweaty hands off both before the handshake AND without the person seeing you. It's still unpleasant IMHO if you see a guy wipe his sweaty hands off right before shaking hands with you. (unless he/she was just eating lunch or something and thus is expected not to have the most clean hands in the world)

Oh by all means add more grime to uninvited persons. But notice I said "eating lunch or something" where I meant the greasy/dirty hands from an arbitrary activity, for example eating lunch or greasy car activity.

I'm guessing handshake technique is like handjob technique - there's nothing worse than the other person gripping as tightly as they can and pumping for all they're worth. You just want to say... you're doing it wrong.

Yep, this has all the hallmarks of a pr stunt. It was discovered by 'scientists' at the behest of Chevrolet. This is no different than the formula that shows how famous someone is, or the most depressing day of the year.

Now the fact is that Cliff Arnall’s equations are stupid, and some fail even to make mathematical sense on their own terms. His equation for the perfect long weekend is a case in point. It is “(C x R x ZZ) / ((Tt + D) x St) + (P x Pr) >400 (Tt = travel time; D = delays; C = time spent on cultural activities; R = time spent relaxing; ZZ = time spent sleeping; St = time spent in a state of stress; P = time spent packing; Pr = time spent in preparation).

I give you Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Lancaster, in the Evening Standard. "Psychologists claim to have developed a mathematical formula, [(V x P x R) + A] x (VFM), which allows them to grade the nation's sporting triumphs. And they have produced a highly contentious 'top 10' covering everything from England's World Cup win in 1966 to the Ashes triumph over Australia last year." Can they be serious? "The people behind the equation boast that it's 'the first ever scientific equation that reveals just how good a game of sport has been to watch'.

Hollywood beauty, Jessica Alba, is ‘strutterly’ desirable – she has the sexiest ever walk, according to new research revealed today by Veet.
Veet, the hair removal expert, has teamed up with mathematicians at Cambridge University to reveal a ratio to work out who has the hottest walk, and the Fantastic Four star clocked up the top score, thanks to her luscious legs and curvy frame.

Etc. etc. ad nauseum. Slashdot should not be providing advertising for companies which further distort the public's understanding of science.

No unions held a gun to their heads when the exec signed those deals. They made their bed and should have been forced to lay in it. No union worker decided they should make cars people did not want to buy, the failings of GM have been management failures.

They should have been compelled to go through Chapter 11 without the White House interfering with the bankruptcy code and picking winners and losers. The bankruptcy code has a clearly defined pecking order but the White House apparently decided that rule of law wasn't the way to go.....

Occasionally, you get these asshats who squeeze as hard as they can - you know they're faking it because they're an office worker and they're not built like Arnold when he was young. It's like WTF are they trying to prove?

I realize this is the descendent of a comedy post, but I would define "firm" as:

- about as hard as you'd grip a baseball bat to keep from dropping it (NOT in order to swing it hard). If you don't have one handy, try holding a lunchbox out at arm's length.- like holding an egg hard enough not to drop it, yet not hard enough to worry about breaking it.- not so hard as to imagine breaking things with your grip.... I'm having a hard time thinking of better examples.:)

In a world where personal interaction between people is becoming less and less common, we may be seeing more of these 'crucial guides and studies' to social interaction... Assuming civilization continues as it is; which is not a very smart assumption, IMHO.

We got the same advice at an awful career fair for scientific post-docs that I attended. Sitting in a room with 300 other young scientists who recently earned their Ph.D.'s, being told not to give a wimpy handshake when meeting an interviewer - what a tremendously embarrassing waste of time.

Sure getting your hand crushed is no fun, but personally I'd rather a good firm handshake than those things where people offer you their fingers and you get some weird loose wrist/finger handshake thing. I try and give a good handshake and instead feel like somehow I violated them. And I mean, the parole officer said I'm not supposed to do that type of thing anymore. You know with the violating. I mean TMI.

Agreed. A handshake is body language that can tell you if someone is nervous, uncomfortable, or even confident.

A firm dry handshake without need for pants wiping after a job interview can say a lot about the person's confidence level. That's useful information depending on how you intend to treat them after hire.

What irks the hell out of me is someone who grabs the hand too fast without getting skin-to-skin contact between each others' thumb-and-index webspace. I end up with some idiot who's got hold of my fingers only. Those are the clowns that get the do over and instructions on proper handshaking, usually punctuated with something like, "Slow down, idiot!"

What irks the hell out of me is someone who grabs the hand too fast without getting skin-to-skin contact between each others' thumb-and-index webspace. I end up with some idiot who's got hold of my fingers only. Those are the clowns that get the do over and instructions on proper handshaking, usually punctuated with something like, "Slow down, idiot!"

There you go... that's my number-one pet peeve: grabbing my four extended fingers, leaving my thumb waving in the air? Wtf? I'd think that in any culture, the very least you want to do is have a symmetric handshake. I try my best to make the handshake symmetrical, firm but not crushing. I've had people grab only my fingers, other guys seemingly oblivious that they've crushed my knuckles such that I cannot return the grasp, and then the folks who offer their hand like it's a fresh pork chop, a piece of m

I am apparently one of those poor saps who can either make eye contact, or watch where my hand is going, but not both. Generally I figure it's better to make eye contact and flub the handshake a little than stare at the person's hand. So I sometimes (maybe 20% of the time) end up either too short (just fingers) or too far (kind of jamming the webbing together awkwardly). I try to adjust if possible, but sometimes the other person already has you in their grip, and it's just better to go with it.

I've always hoped it wasn't just me, and that at least half of the blame for mis-coordinating the hand position lies with the other person, but maybe it's just me.

At least one thing I do know is I've got the pressure in a moderate middle ground . I've had enough that are too hard or too soft (one gal I met recently took soft to an extreme by extending her hand and then not moving her fingers at all -- it wasn't a soft squeeze, it was literally nonexistent) to know what the right pressure feels like.

I was hoping maybe this study would venture into some of the silly complicated extra convolutions people put in their handshakes. Mostly seems to be a phenomenon of younger guys trying to be hip, who have some ridiculous five-part ritual. Grab, slap, wiggle, fist, waggle some finger, whatever it is. I watch people around me going through the whole procedure like they know what the other person is about to do, but I've always felt sort of colorblind or tone deaf as far as those gestures go. Can anyone explain to me how the hell I'm supposed to know it's "grab, smash elbow, bump chest, slap back twice" this time, and next time it'll be "grab hand, clasp forearm, do the hokey pokey"?

I am apparently one of those poor saps who can either make eye contact, or watch where my hand is going, but not both.... I sometimes end up either too short (just fingers) or too far (jamming).

I believe it's muscle memory, and practice will perfect it. Bear with me if this sounds somewhat absurd and comical; I am quite serious that I think you should practice it. I've just never practiced shaking hands (I should!), so I'm coming up with these ideas as I write. Sorry.

That's quite impressive, if 19 per cent go so far as to hate it, at least double that must find it irksome, another large percentage is indifferent to it, I wonder who are the freaks who actually think it useful, or go so far as to enjoy it.

I find a handshake useful. You shouldn't read too much into it. But a wet handshake or a wipe on the pants indicates nervousness.

A weak handshake indicates the person either has a low opinion of you or whatever business you are conducting. That might mean they disagree or it might mean they don't give a shit.

A firm handshake suggests the person is comfortable with you and takes whatever business is at hand seriously. For instance, after a Foosball battle in the office it is habit to go for a firm handshake

It suggests character so I might friend you but I'm not going to read too much into it and offer you my daughter.

Okay, points for saying "up yours" with style.

But more to the point, my own observations (anecdotal! I know) have been that most people just shake hands the same way all the time, basically the way they were sort of taught to as kids. It sounded like you were taking that position at the beginning and then took a 180 and described what all the handshakes meant. So I'll give my own counter list

"But more to the point, my own observations (anecdotal! I know) have been that most people just shake hands the same way all the time, basically the way they were sort of taught to as kids."

I generally agree. But that doesn't mean it isn't a useful indicator. Just about every other aspect of a person's behavior is the result of their upbringing as well. Nor does it negate the commonly accepted body language indicators I already mentioned.

It's amazing how strong the correlation is. Phrased that way people might be thrown off because it sounds sexist but it isn't literally about having a cock and balls. It's about having been taught an old fashioned ethic that is passed from father to son and showing you listened and learned with every handshake.

I wouldn't base major decisions entirely around a handshake but its a factor.

I've noticed a similar correlation between a rural and/or midwestern upbringing and certain aspects of work ethic. At least

A weak handshake indicates the person either has a low opinion of you or whatever business you are conducting. That might mean they disagree or it might mean they don't give a shit.

So wrong - there are loads of people who don't like unnecessary bodily contact with other men, and thus are automatically reluctant. I'm not fussed really, but I know people who are, and judging them by their handshake is simple minded and shortsighted.

"So wrong - there are loads of people who don't like unnecessary bodily contact with other men, and thus are automatically reluctant."

I've never heard of handshaking falling into the realm of homophobia but that would fall into the don't give a shit category. If you care about what you are doing then your mind is on the business about the begin or just concluded not the handshake.

Even in the U.S.A., handshake length differs. When you go to another country, some grab your hand and pump for the entire conversation in a ritual beat, using it as emphasis while they talk, others never shake hands at all.

Step 1: Wipe my hand on pants discreetly so as to verify dryness. A sweaty hand is a gross hand.Step 2: Make a quick glance to verify that the person you'll be shaking with has a standard 5 fingered hand. I'll shake a stump, hook, plastic hand, or sub-5 finger hand, flipper what-have-you but you want to know about this going into the shake and not in the middle of the first pump.Step 3: Grasp their hand or hand-like appendage firmly, shake about twice, and release whatever they've stuck out at you.

The confusing part is whether or not the other person is going to actually shake your hand or do that stupid palm slide and then bump knuckles thing. It's ok if it's a friend or something and you know it's coming, but strangers/new acquaintances do this to me all the time.

I have actually started making people start over and actually shake hands properly.

"No, put out your hand. Good. Now, the webs of our thumbs meet like this and then we shake. This is what we call 'shaking hands'."

I have actually started making people start over and actually shake hands properly.

Seriously?

So using your specific empty gesture of greeting is more important than making a moderately amiable first impression with a total stranger?

Wow. Just... wow.

Do you correct others in other forms of etiquette as well? If I'm at McDonalds and fail to hold out my right pinkie finger while snarfing my Big Mac, might I expect the honour of a public correction from Your Highness?

"Scientists" (some professor) have "developed" (thrown together a bunch of bullshit about) a "mathematical" (numbers make math!) "equation" (brackets and operations make an equation!) for the "perfect handshake" (in their sole opinion) taking into account the "twelve primary measures" (which they came up with after a one hour brainstorming session) needed to convey "respect and trust" (or at least the illusion of it, in order to sell cars) to the recipient.

Seriously, dry your hands if you can, don't grip too hard or too soft, and look 'em in the eyes. Done. But why not add some bureaucracy to the process?

"Johnson, you're two points shy on your grip rating! No raise this month!"

1. Lick you palm. Make sure it is really slimy.2. Grab their hand with both of yours so they can't get away. Preferably from behind.3. Shake good and strong, bringing your hand above your head and down to your knees.4. Release while at maximum height.5. Rub you hand on your pants leg for at least 10 seconds.

They are there only to allow more print/ads/whatever to be sold. That sort of article should go in IDLE. That is about as stupid as the perfect day, perfect ice, perfect whatever equation. They are all made up.

If a Slashdot contributor gets taken for a line with that one, and editorial staff allows it through as a Science (not Idle) story, while nobody bothers to do even the slightest amount of digging, it might be high time to revise standards and practices, since Slashdot is starting to descend to a less-timely, less-informed, more gullible version of reddit.

I remember when Slashdot was THE place for techie/geeky news, and the comments were considerably more often than not insightful. Nowadays, people seem happier to quibble over minor semantics in an article while missing the big picture. I'm not trying to put Slashdot, one of my favorite sites, down but I'd rather it retain or improve level of quality, not slip toward the same plateau as Slashdot Parody Sites[tm].

If you're going to accept PR advertisements, at least put them in the ad box in the corner and accept payment, so people can opt out.

to go even more archaic and switch to the various forms of bowing(bonus points if you1 are even partly oriental2 regularly have your hands covered in "stuff"3 are in a skill where you "can't risk" being on the receiving end of a crusher handshake)