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Monday, March 31, 2014

"What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," is a catch phrase we are all
now familiar with. It is not the whole truth, however. For the last couple of
years, I've enjoyed putting this twist on it. It goes as follows:
"What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, until it shows up in Reconciliation
(Confession), to be dealt with." We now know nothing that has ever
happened to us has actually disappeared into thin air…The effects of each and
every word that has been spoken to us, whether life affirming, or death
dealing, is carried deep within us. Everything that has happened to us, for
good or for ill, has left a residue in the depths of our souls. We have to keep
before us this very challenging reality, "what our mind has forgotten, our
souls remember." Those memories will have to be dealt with. We can, and do
deny, the uncomfortable realities, what is sometimes called the shadow self,
namely "the past, the primitive, and the inferior." We will be able to
continue in our denial, but only for so long, until one day in some way we will
be forced to confront those fear-full, frightening realities, as they are acted
out in some destructive act or actions. That which we deny, suppress, sublimate
will take a terrific toll on our psychic energy. It takes twice the energy to
keep all this "garbage" bottled up, than to engage in the process of
confession, reconciliation, and transformation. We must always keep before us
that what we have been led into, by grace, is a long progress of
reconciliation. This reconciliation process is the journey of whole life long.
For us to be spiritually healthy we must accept, not like, this reality. The
more we recoil from the honesty required, the greater the price we will have to
pay. The choice is ours. Only we, as individuals, can accept, or refuse the
priceless gift of liberation which is bestowed upon those who accept the
invitation to the ongoing process of confession, reconciliation, and
transformation. During these days of Lent there are more opportunities for the
celebration of this Sacrament which gifts us with peace, and
liberation. We are all in desperate need of both.
Years ago, I was lucky to be blessed with pearl of wisdom from Fr. Rohr,
"it is the Sacrament of Reconciliation, not the Sacrament of obliteration."
What a difference that makes as we reflect on the realities of our lives. In
the Sacrament of Reconciliation nothing is destroyed, only transformed. This
transformation is a new creation of grace. Mercy is at work in the depths of
our being, bringing about a new reality. This is a good time to remember the
Scripture saying,"behold I make all things new," and we must take the
time to reflect on how in the mercy of our Prodigal, Mercy-full, Prodigal
father what once was death dealing, is now life giving. We see that "new
creation" of which the Scriptures are about, as now part of our reality.
We do not know how or when this miracle of grace happened. All we need to
know is that it has happened, the rest, is none of our business. To make it our
business is to engage on an ego trip. The more we give into the ego's demands,
the deeper we will have to experience purgation. Purgation, the emptying out
process of our egos, is never pleasant. It is downright pain-full. It is our
lived experience of Calvary, and the Crucifixion. It is our journey, a journey
we make again and again, to that place where we cry out: " My God, my God,
why have you abandoned and forsaken me." These word of Jesus were the last
He spoke, before He experienced the process of resurrection, As it was with
Jesus so it has to be with us. That is, if we so choose to be a real disciple,
a true follower, our destiny. This is a great place to stop, and reflect on
that wonder-full prayer-hymn "Jerusalem my Destiny." (When I first
heard "Jerusalem My Destiny" prayed, I fell in love with it. To the
chagrin of some I wanted to have it prayed all the time!!! Obviously I am not a
liturgist!A reality that has triggered
some real creative conflicts in my years of ministry. I am delighted to say the
adventure continues!!!
Nothing,
absolutely nothing, in our lives is outside the realm of God's judgment and
mercy. By hiding parts of our story, not only from our own consciousness, but
also from God's eye, we claim a divine role for ourselves; we become the judges
of our own past and LIMIT MERCY TO OUR FEARS. We disconnect ourselves not only
from our own suffering, but also from God's suffering for us. By lifting our
pain-full memories out of the egocentric, individualistic, private
sphere, Jesus Christ heals our pain. We connect them with the pain of all
humanity, a pain He took upon Himself and transformed. To heal, then, does not
primarily mean to take pains away but to reveal that our pains are a part of a
greater pain, that our sorrows are part of a greater sorrow, that our
experience is part of a greater experience of Him, Whom has said, "But was
it not ordained that the Christ should suffer and so enter into the glory of
God." ( Henri Nouwen) As it was with Jesus, Who became The Christ so it
will be for us, so we can become the sacrament of the Risen Christ. This is
what it means to be Baptized. In this Sacrament we are anointed, twice, as an
outward sign of the inner reality of our consecration. Our being called, our
being and set apart by The Living God to to be the living presence, the living
reality of His Son. In this becoming, we are slowly becoming, the reality
chosen for us from the beginning of time. It will be insofar as we embrace
life, and live it to the fullest in a healthy manner, will we live a life of
creative love. We will be "life givers" not "death dealers."
The Sacrament of Reconciliation is our ongoing encounter with The Enfleshment of
Mercy, The God-man Jesus Christ. Encounter is of the essence of the seven
ritual sacraments. I like to think of a ritual sacrament in the following way.
A ritual Sacrament is, an encounter with the living person of Jesus Christ, the
result of which change takes place in my life, and that change is brought about
by the power of The Holy Spirit. That word encounter seems to be a favorite of
Pope Francis, and it must also become a word we are becoming more aware of. In
the celebration of Reconciliation we encounter "the living Person of Jesus
Christ." There is so much to be reflected on in these five words. Who is
this "living Person" you are encountering. How would you describe
Jesus as a person, in whose personhood is revealed the Unknown, and the
Unknowable? In order to have an encounter there, first of all, must be a living
person. That is we have to construct, create a living, walking, talking,
laughing, crying, angry, hungry, beaten, broken, betrayed etc. etc., human
being. A human being who was "like unto us in every way except sin, and oh
how He sought out and loved the sinner. We must keep before us that the
human qualities we attribute to The Historical Jesus, will be the same
qualities we will attribute to Our Heavenly father? If we see our God only as
an absent God, a transcendent reality, it is incumbent on us to bring about a
change in how we see, accept and relate to the human attributes of His Revelation.
The words of Anthony Padavono from the 60's ring even truer today "we must
make Jesus human, and make ourselves as human as He was.' This of course will
take time, and work. A lot of time, and an equal amount of hard work. But, on
the other hand, with each Sacramental encounter comes with it this guarantee.
Each Sacramental encounter graces us with necessary grace needed at
that time to be Who we are called to be. We will get all that is needed to be,
and be Who we are called to be. We need creative wisdom so as to develop an
ever new understanding of Jesus' humanity. With this evolving understanding
there will appear an ever new, and refreshing relationship not only with our
own humanity, but with all of humanity. We will be drawn ever deeper into The
Paschal Mystery, and the mystery of our life that is ever and always emerging
from our encounter with death. In Reconciliation our ego dies, a pain-full
death, when we express our powerlessness over so many aspects of our lives. In
that expression of our powerlessness the way is prepared of Him, who is The
Way, The Truth, and The Life. The stones of the toxic trinity, guilt, fear, shame,
are rolled back so that the fullness of The Resurrection and it's new life may
be
ours.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Lent and "the desert journey" are synonymous.There is a mystery revealed to us, ever new, as
we trudge the days, and the weeks of Lent.This is a mystery that has been hidden from some, but revealed to those
who have been blessed with the courage to leave comfort behind,and take the risk of entering upona desert hike/journey.As the
result of each lived moment we are new.The
grace encountered in each now moment continues to perfect creation.We are all essential parts of this
perfecting, while remaining always perfectly, imperfect creation.With
our belief in this process of an ever new creation there comes a great
challenge.We are challenged to leave behind the old.In
more frightening words,we are
challenged to let go, be emptied,of all
that we are certain of, of all that we are secure in, so as to journey into the
unknown.This is a great paradigm for our journey into
The Unknown,and the Unknowable.All of
this newness carries with it a tacit demand for a newness within us
as well as we enter into, reflect on,and
participate in The Paschal Mystery.Our Lent 2014 must result in a new way of
seeing, that This Mystery we have been Baptized into is not only relevant
but vitalizing, life giving source as we live out, "the here and now."
We will have to reflect on, chew on, become
familiar within a new way, "Now is
the acceptable time, now is the time of salvation."Salvation comes to us as we allow the present
moment to be all that it is, nothing more, nothing less.It is what it is, and it's essential is-ness
is hidden and revealed in The Source of all reality.A
moment then, is a sacrament in and through whichall the necessary grace,all the strengthening love needed, is
channeled into our being.On our part,
we have to develop the trust and faith that IS happening, even though we do not
have a clue as to how.Here is a good place for; " I believe
Lord, help my unbelief/disbelief."

Why then are we invited, not compelled,by
Mother Church to make this yearly journey in faith?Why is
it that once is not enough?Well, we do not go to school for a day, and
then decide not to return anymore.We have to return again and again so we can
GROW in our understanding.This "growing" is a process, and as
such, can be very boring, and uninviting, to say the least.How many children fight school, and all that
it demands of them?We cannot see the future, so we, as children,have to trust that what we are asked to do
will be beneficial to us in the long run.Over these many years I have
developed a trust in what is taught in The School of Lent.I have
not enjoyed that which I had to go through, but the end result is beyond what
one could hope for.The School of Lent is situated in the
desert.Not a very inviting place to live in.Hike
in for a limited time, oh! yes, but to live in no.It is
so dry desolate, harsh,and unforgiving
of mistakes.At the beginning of desert
trails, there are a number of warnings posted to draw attention to the dangers
that may be encountered.Yet, how many
are drawn to hike, again and again into a place that at first, seems to have
nothing to offer?As a result of constant journeys, hikes, something
happens.The reality behind the desert seems to reach
out and embrace us in a very mysterious way.There is no way to explain it.Poets,
artists, composers,photographers, have
all made attempts, to capture and to convey the essence of the mystery of the
desert.All of necessity have come up short.I
suppose that is why we will continue to read poems, read books, listen to music,
take photographs in the vain hope that in some way the mystery of the desert
will be at last revealed.Part of me knows this will never happen.Yet there is another part that will never
stop the seeking and the searching for that which I cannot here describe.I will,
God willing, return again and again to the desert, so as to become more
comfortable with the desert within me.A desert I just do not visit every now and
then, but a desert in which "I live and move and have my being,"My yearly Lenten desert experience somehow
offers me that certain something which gives me the courage to journey ever
deeper into the all that The Prophet Jesus, was sent to teach.As I look back on the many, many,desert journeys again, I shudder, as I have
previously shuddered and recoiled from depths of nothingness one is
brought to.

There is the great consolation knowing that in the desert we are not
alone.In the desert we are NEVER alone.We
read in the scriptures that Jesus was led, driven, into the desert by the
Spirit.The desert awaited Him to be His
place in which He will be tempted.In the desert, Jesus was tempted to deny His
humanity.In overcoming temptation,
Jesus reaffirmed His enfleshment in our humanity.Our
humanity and the humanity of Jesus was the same broken, unredeemed humanity you
and I take up each day.Our Gracious
Creator God did not have one humanity for us, but a better and more improved
one for His Beloved Son.We all share a oneness in having the
same humanity."Jesus is like unto us in everything, except
sin,and He died because of His love for
us sinners.Jesus was to use His humanity to full fill His
appointed mission.Jesus said that He was to preach good news to
the poor.He was to proclaim liberty to
the captives.He was to proclaim
recovery of sight, to the blind.He was
to proclaim, let the captives go free.He
was to proclaim an acceptable year to the Lord."(Luke 4.) All of what He came to proclaim, and not only to proclaim but to
actually physically do,I need.That
need drives me out to the desert so I can with the mind, heart, and soul of my
present being, hear for the first time, that which is from old, and speaks to
me in the right now.

This Lent I must bring my new found poverty,which has been revealed through daily living,
to Him who embraced all poverty.To make
the necessary room for our poverty The Eternal Word emptied Himself of His
Divinity so as to become incarnate in our broken humanity.He
knew from His human experience what it meant to be hungry, to be betrayed, to
be beaten, to lose so much as to be existentially broken, and abandoned.He was
so grieved with the loss ofHis friend Lazarus, that He cried.Jesus also cried over Jerusalem, because of
her rejection of Him.So go out to encounter anew, He Who is the
bearer of good and Is The Good News.I
come not to tell Him anything new, but in the owning, and in the telling I
receive a new understanding.In the owning and revelation of my broken, wounded,
hardened heart, which feels like a death, something mysterious happens.A new understanding will, in time be given.This gift in time, leads to a new heart.It
will lead to a less hardened heart.A
less judgmental heart.A more compassionate heart becomes more of a
reality from the encounter with Compassion Itself.The old fears of not being "good
enough," of not being worthy of love, slowly give way to a new and a more,
healthy, freeing love relationship.The
reality of being the beloved slowly brightens the horizon bring with it the
promise of greater joy.Not happiness, joy is now a choice.

When I prepare to go on a desert hike, I have to make sure I have all
that is necessary for physical survival.Water, food,sunscreen, proper clothing, map, telephone, hat,good boots,etc.are essential for safety.For
the inner desert journey there must be a different mindset.I am
going to encounter The Desert Shepherd, Who IS my only source of real food, and
real drink.He is a living stream that I just do not visit,
but I come to understand is the source of life giving water that springs
eternal,deep within.I come so ashamed of my nakedness, only to be
clothed with the dignity of being a fellow beloved son/daughter.I can now walk unashamed into a freedom hard
to understand or explain.It can only be lived.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

"One
and done" applies to some things in our everyday life, but not to our
spiritual life. "We never do anything in the spiritual life, once
forever" are words written by Fr. Rohr.Words I read a number of years ago, and their truth has become a
pain-full reality. The spiritual life is all about going deeper. We do not dig
a hole with one shovel of earth, it takes many, many shovels to get really
deep. As this is hard work, so is the spiritual hike/journey a great challenge.
It does not get any easier. It now appears to me the older I get; the
harder I have to work. "one and done" has no place in the process we
call the spiritual life. It is all about practice, practice, and then practice
some more.

Here
we have Spring training. The Season of Lent is seen by many as our Spring
training. Whether one is a rookie, or a veteran you end up in Spring training, that
is if you want to keep your job. Lent, our Spring training is not about keeping
one's job, but seeing how one grows into one's calling, one's vocation.
Baseball fundamentals are about hitting, fielding, and catching. Lent
introduces us to the triple play of prayer, fasting, and works of charity.There will be time when the baseball player
will not return to Spring training, we will never be able to avoid the training
process of Lent. Spring training is the preparation necessary for a successful baseball
season.Lent is essential for us to have
"life, and have it to the fullest." The fullness of life however, will come to us
through our successes, through our looking good. On the contrary, growth seems
to take only through loss, some death, some failure, some great pain.This is why we must return, again, and again,
to and ever deepening understanding of The Paschal Mystery. The mystery we have been baptized into, but
spend our whole lifetime coming to grips with what it means for us as we life
our earthly existence. The Latin word for earth is "hummus," so our
earthly existence, is our human existence. Not just any human existence. For we
are spiritual beings immersed in this human, fleshy, existence.Lent then, is a process by which we are lead
into an ever fuller understanding of who we are, who we have been called to be,
and who does the calling.

"We are born human and we
spend our whole lifetime coming to understand what, human, means." This is, as you may well know by now, one of
my favorite quotations from Metz's classic "Poverty of Spirit." I have come to a slow understanding that it is
in and the journey through Lent, and the subsequent celebration of The Paschal
(Easter) Mystery that the mystery lying deep within is revealed.This revelation, for me, has not been
accompanied with the appearance of angels, warm fuzzy feelings, wonder-full
emotional experience, the very opposite has been the case. This journey is a
trudge, into uncertainty. "We journey to Him we do not know, by a path we
do not know," has been a source of great encouragement on the trudge.Merton's prayer, "God I have no idea
where I am going..." (Google for the rest), is a constant source
consolation and courage. It seems that the fuller growth has to be proceeded by
an emptying out. This required "emptying out" has been modeled for us
by Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He emptied Himself of His divinity so as
to be enfleshed in our unredeemed humanity. We are asked to surrender our
humanity, and a broken one at that, so as to be filled with the Divine life, The
Fullness of life. What a swap?As usual
God comes out at the short end of the exchange. Jesus surrendered everything so
as to take on our nothingness.We are
asked to surrender our nothingness so as to be transfigured and transformed
into the very presence of God.What is
required of us is that we be willing to allow this miracle of grace to happen.
If we are not willing, all we have to do is pray that we become willing to be
willing.This is so simple that it
appears to be profound!!! The workings of grace will always take place in such
a way that we have no idea of what is happening, or when it happens. It is none
of our business. All we have to do is
allow it to happen. Will our egos allow that to happen?Of course not. The ego wants to know what is
happening, how it happens, how LONG it is going to take. The ego wants to
confine this miracle of birthing to a reality that can be measured, quantified.
This is NOT going to happen.We get what we need, when we need it, and at
a time that is best for us. It is The Wisdom of God, The Caring Mother, who
directs all things in accord with the universal plan of The Creator. A plan that
has been hidden, but has also been revealed. Our lives, each one is an essential
play, an essential part in this great revealing.This is the inherent dignity that lies within
and revealed through healthy spiritual living. Of ourselves, we are incapable
of healthy spiritual living, this gift is bestowed on those who are prepared to
pay the price.We are reminded, again
and again, each and every year prayer, fasting, and works of charity take us
out of our narrow, ego driven world into the broad, and so wonder-full
creation. A creation we have been called to be co-creators of, by The
Creator-God. If we are to be creative creators with The Real Creator God, the
false gods of our creation must be destroyed. These gods of our ego creation do
NOT die easily, so we have been given the Lenten triple play.

"We fast to unite ourselves
with the poor-to taste their empty lives, to weep over their sad and hungry children,
to feel their helplessness. By fasting and giving alms, by sharing our bread
and sheltering the oppressed, we stop "turning our backs on our own."
Fasting then unites us with our true family.We the orphan find our way home. Home is God's family of the entire
human race where the MAJORITY GO TO BED HUNGRY.Along this way the poor, the hungry and the oppressed lift a yoke from
our back.We have been weighed down with
the yoke of pride, self-assurance, security and excessive needs. We have been
hounded by diets and wasted foods and yet, we are never satisfied.We carry the yoke of never of always wanting
more and needing more....Fasting, by uniting us in the family of the poor
teaches us the true value of home life. To be united with the poor is far
superior to the most advanced education and certainly to the most elegant
entertainment. Trough fasting the poor
lift these yokes of false values off our shoulders...As the poor share with us
their sorrow…the poor lead us home mysteriously enough to Jesus. In the desire
of Jesus, a new love is born, and love always unites and begets new life. "Biblical
Meditation Foe Lent" by Carroll Stuhlmueller.These are challenging words. Gospel
spirituality cuts right to the core of things. That is why we must again and
again return to the scriptures of Lent so as to reclaim our original dignity.
That dignity as beloved daughter/son may be and is lost to our sight. But NOT
from the sight of our Gracious Beloved Prodigal Father.We are invited to "Come back to Me with
all your heart...do not let fear draw us apart...we will live DEEPLY our new
life"A selfish, self serving fear,
the opposite of faith, can and does keep us from an ever new, and ever evolving
relationship with our Beloved.We need
lent to challenge us to be honest. To face up to the times where we have given
into the temptation to follow, and worship at altars of false gods. The
creation of our selfish, and self-centered egos are confronted with The Truth
revealed in the scriptures. We have so many false gods that we could not
confront them all just in one Lent. So we journey again, and again, not alone, never
alone into our deserts. We journey to meet our Desert Shepherd who awaits. He
awaits us to guide, guard, nourish, and strengthen us as we journey WITH Him to
the dark valleys.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Dawn
carries with it a great sense of excitement. An excitement stemming from the coming,
promised , guaranteed encounterwith the
mystery of The Unknown, and The Unknowable. This encounter will take place in
each and every moment we are allowed to draw breath. This will take place in
the familiar, and the unfamiliar. We will not be able to schedule this
encounter with Mystery. Mystery is revealed in "a time " that is
beyond our ability to control. Oh how we as human beings want so desperately to
be in control. We want to know the when, the where, and the how. The sad thing
is if God does not choose, and God never chooses to fulfill our limited
expectations, then we come to the conclusion there must be no God. The God of our
narrow understanding, restricted, imprisoned is an idol. Idols cannot can have existence,
and do not, nor cannot give life. To believe otherwise is a lie. How many
unfortunately do believe in that lie, and as a consequence live lifeless lives.
The idols we construct cannot enhance life, they only have the power to destroy
life. Idols of our ego's construct do not possess the power to transfigure or
transform. Worshiping at their altars always end in destruction and annihilation.
This wisdom comes to us the hard way. Thiswisdom comes after we foolishly spend many, many, years of seeking The
Mystery in the places under our control and direction. Our desire forcontrol and The Freedom, that Is Mystery are
mutually exclusive.

In
our 30's we are confronted with a side of ourselves that we much prefer to deny,
or at least to ignore. The limitations of our broken humanity become a very stark,
naked, reality. So much of what was once hidden, denied, buried nowappears front and center and does not want to
go away.Hence our shadow self, becomes
a deeper reality. When we deny our shadow side we endangerhealthy spiritualgrowth. The healthier practice is to bring
all that we are ashamed of, feel guilty about, to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
Within the celebration we ask for the gift of honesty so there can be an
unveiling of all that is so disconcerting, troublesome, and even frightening.
We are all "perfectly imperfect" and we will never become perfect in
the acceptance of said reality, of said human condition. Eventually we have to
accept the truth as enunciated by Fr.Rohr when he points out that in our 30s we
have to face the the fact that "all our plans have come up short." He
goes on to say, we find, and consequently have to accept that we not the best
at anything. Weare not the best wife,
husband, son, daughter, employer, employee.You may now add to this list the shortcomings you much prefer to hide,
to deny...That list can be very long??? It will get longer as we grow in honesty with
who we are. Our deepest reality, being spiritual beings immersed, enfleshed in
the human condition will provide endless additions to our disturbing lists.

However,
there is good news. The Mercy of our Gracious Father became incarnate in the
flesh of The God-Man, Jesus Christ. We were recently reminded that He emptied
Himself of His Divinity so to take on our broken humanity and all its
sinfulness. He, by The mystery of The Incarnation, entered into our alienation
from His and our Father. He came to reveal the wonder-full, mysterious
mercy-full love, grace that is being offered to us in each, and every moment we
are in existence. Our existence speaks
to us of God's dwelling within us. It
guarantees us of our presence in the mind of Presence Itself. Were it possible, and it is not, for God to
forget us we would go poof and disappear. The fact that He lives and moves
within our being, guarantees us existence, not life. We are responsiblefor the quality of life we live. The quality
of that life is not decided for us, we are responsible for that ourselves. Of
late when a person says to me as I leave their presence, "Have A good
day" I now say thank you, and if "I do not it will be my own
fault" Almost 100% of the time we have a great laugh. However, this is NO laughingmatter. This is serious stuff.

I
have found out I am not the only one who has struggled and still struggles with
the whole issue of taking responsibility for my own happiness. I cannot
transfer that responsibility on to anyone, or anything else. I have done it, and have learned, and am still
learning this hard fact, IT DOES NOT WORK. Being codependent is an every moment challenge
of looking deep within, not without, for the source of happiness. Will I be ever cured? Of course not. I have wounds that will never cured,
they must be cared for.(Moore) So we
will always be susceptible to shame attacks. Those attacks can lead to one
looking outside for validation, rather than believing in his own innate goodness.
Once we have been abused, whether, physical, spiritual, sexual or psychological
there is a propensity to look outside rather than inside for the source of joy
and happiness. For those of us who have been abused the inner journey is tough.
The last place we want to look for that which will make the journey less of a trudge,
is the last place we visit.

Those
of us who have been victims of abuse are toxically shamed. That is we have
lost, our "right to love, to be loved, (to be the beloved). This right to be the beloved which is an
essential foundation forall healthy
relationships. Once a victim always a victim until one make the decision to
become a survivor. That is NOT a decisionone makes once forever . This commitment to oneself has to be repeated
over and over, many times a day. Remember
one does not think one's way into a new way of acting, we act our way into a
new way of thinking. This is a very slow and pain-full process. However, being
faithful to a healthy way of living change does happen, but Not according to
our expectations. (Now where have you
heard that before ???) We cannot plan
out what our recovery will look like. In
broad strokes there "will be a new happiness, and a new freedom. " Our
understanding of happiness and freedom come from The Infinite one so the change
will be endless. I can honestly share with you that it can and does happen. You
can, as Baretta used say, "take that to the bank." All this changehappens in the darkness of the inner journey,
in the darkened depths of who we are. Since we are wounded in the depths of our
being, it is there the healing must begin. It is from those depths the healing waves of
grace bubble up. A Light will shine to
slowly illuminate that inner darkness, and reveal secret treasures. Will this
be an easy ride? Of course not. Anything
that comes easy is no good. All that has come to us that has lasting Value is
the result of serious and pain-full struggle. There will be interruptions, and distractions.
There will be the temptation to quit
when we are faced with serious difficulties. These difficulties out of
necessity have to happen before we move on to new freedoms and new happinesses.
For this new creation of grace to appear the old must disappear. What turmoil that triggers within the depths
of who we are. We will have to face the
fear of losing everything that is most dear to us. We face death. We feel like
we are losing all control, and we are. We are led by grace to surrender, as we
have never surrendered before, to this new life that has mysteriously become a
new way of living. This will happen
through the action of grace, through the mysterious, unseen, incomprehensible,
action of grace.Through these
experiences we will come to know what; The Dark night of the Soul, and what the
Dark night of the Senses is all about. As this too, is the workings of grace.It is not for us to know how this works, that
is ego, it is enough for us to know that it does work.

I am then responsible for my own happiness,
and the recognition of Joy in my life.(One
is about having; the other is about being.)I am confronted with this hard fact, I cannot, as much as I want to,
delegate Thatresponsibilityto somebody else, or to something else. That was
not easy to accept. I still on a very regular basis, have to shake Joe up and
remind him that no person, whatever their status may be, has the power, unless
I surrender said power, to decide for me who I am as beloved son of a Gracious,
Ever Prodigal, Father God. I am growing
in awareness, and acceptance that one has to know the hell of the prisons of guilt,
fear and shame in order to relish the freedom that comes with choosing to live
and not just exist." The glory of
God is the human person fully alive."(St. Irenaeus) My happiness,
serenity, peace of mind depends on how I honestly answer this question,
"Am I a victim or am I a survivor?" In each and every moment we are
gifted to live the quality of my life which will depend on my lived answer. For
that I am responsible.