Muhammad Jaffer 11/17/10 Reaction Paper 4: Pancreatic Cancer-Three Months Until Death Introduction It is a very sad reality that many of us take living and experiencing the world as we do for granted; instead, we live our lives “half-asleep,” as Morrie puts it, going about our daily affairs with little care for our beautiful environment (Albom 83). We are the individuals content with the shadows in Plato's Allegory of the Cave, too recalcitrant and indoctrinated into the cultural currents to involve ourselves in the great world around us. As a 75 year old individual, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and prognosed at three months, I've come to know firsthand that realizing the imminence of death is a remarkably good way to actualize one's potential, just as Morrie did. The journey very much resembles the process of creating a short personal statement: one that summarizes your entire life and identity in a few measured breadths. This paper is the culmination of that endeavor, one which chronicles my last few moments in this world, how I value my life, how I perceive my illness, and my preparations for the inevitable departure. My Life Looking back at all I've done in my life, I must honestly say that one of my biggest regrets has been my habitual procrastination. At first, it only played a role in my educational career, but then the ugly habit slowly crept into all aspects of my life. It's difficult to pinpoint when it exactly began, but most definitely it overcame me in high school during my IB education, and crescendoed into my college years, when I was writing papers for my Spirituality and Health class. It followed me well into medical school as well, and as a physician, it continued to dominate my professional career. I always put off what I wanted to accomplish till later, such as, for instance, bonding with my patients, by casually adding the task to my never-ending to-do list. Before long, my patients had departed from the bustling hospital grounds, either corporeally or ethereally, and having never formed a connection, I

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Muhammad Jaffer 11/17/10 summarily proceeded on with my life. Reminiscing about those times, it is ironic that those patient departures never effected me to comprehend the impermanence of human life. Only now, at this old age and this terrible condition, do I realize all the relationships I failed to create and the opportunities I missed, as a result of my procrastination. If only I were young again and this was all hypothetical, I would have been mindful of my interactions with my fellow peers. Now I've realized the frivolity of such depression though: fortunately, I'm still alive, and as Morrie once stated, you must “accept who you are and revel in that” (120). I must look at my life optimistically, and not let my last few moments pass away in pure regret, as it's really not “too late to get involved” (18). In retrospect, however, I can also honestly say that I did do much service for those around me.

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