May 2016

The Football-Phobe’s Guide to Actually Enjoying EURO 2016

You hate football? Oh. Well this is awkward. And there’s a very long month ahead. It’s going to be EVERYWHERE. The ‘Euros’ are on. It’s a tournament where European countries (at least the ones who qualified) fight it out to see who’s the best.Your workmates will be yacking about it all day and it will take over your TV all evening. There’s no escaping this. But all is not lost.

While the idea of four weeks in a damp underground bunker suddenly became quite appealing, you don’t need go into lockdown just yet.You can still use this thing to your advantage. If the football can’t entertain you, you might just be able entertain yourself. And here’s how to do it…

Treat Bingo

Ease the pain of sitting through 90 minutes of a match by playing this little game. Grab a big bag of your favourite treats (always chocolate for us) and get ready to play a game that’s just for you.Reward yourself with a chocolatey treat every time you hear any of the following phrases (and you’ll definitely hear them):

At the end of the day

1966

Simulation

On paper…

Goal-line technology

Leicester

Greece 2004

“Jamie Vardy” and “non-league” in the same sentence

Grab a fistful of crisps every time the cameraman picks out one of the following:

A pretty female in the crowd

A portly gentleman with no shirt on

A swear-word you can lip-read

A terrible haircut

Cristiano Ronaldo’s varnished torso

Someone who doesn’t know the words to their own national anthem

Your go-to phrases

Your colleagues just assume you know nothing about football and kind of ignore you during their chats on the tedious topic.

Well you’ll show them!Whenever any of the topics below are mentioned, you can now chip-in and leave them stunned with your insight:“You know Italy, they’re a great tournament team.”“Ronaldo just makes it all about him.”“What do you think of Rooney in that deeper role?”“Classic Zlatan”“Is Jack Wilshere injured yet?”“I can’t believe Drinkwater isn’t in the squad”“Belgium will miss Kompany”“Hard to believe Joe Ledley fractured his leg just a few weeks ago”

Stats to memorise (that your friends won’t know)

In the spirit of dumbfounding your footy-mad friends, you can also drop these statistical bombs on them at any time. Just make sue you keep an eye on the pronunciations for believability.

Lothar Matthaus (Lo-tur Ma-tay-us) is the Euro’s oldest ever player - he was 39 years & 91 days at Euro 2000.

Michel Platini (Mee-shell Pla-teeny) is the top scorer in Euro’s history with 9 goals - and he did that all in one tournament!

Germany and Spain have won the tournament most – 3 times each.

So there you go – the football-phobe’s guide to actually getting something out of this month of wall-to-wall matches.

And if you need to stock-up on any treats or beverages to help you get through the rest of the tournament, SPAR have a pile of great deals on at the minute.