Apparently because my love for all things cute and furry is not shared with those to whom I am most intimate with, I have to start a blog dedicated to… animals-and by animals I really mean cats and dogs. My latest lifelong dream is to eventually live in a huge ass house with many cats and dogs. Does this make me some sort of animal hoarder or cat lady? Why yes it does. Am I ashamed of this? Fuck no. Cats and dogs are fucking cute and I am on a one woman campaign to inflict their cuteness on to anyone. You are Welcome.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Irwin Adventures

Irwin in a dress. He looks damn good.

Once upon a time, Irwin went missing. My significant other (s.o.) decided to take Irwin and Sofia to Grandma Due’s house because that is just what they do. The trip was great of course. They sure love their grandma and everything was going swell. Well, swell until Irwin- the fat ass fucker decided that he was going to escort himself out the car. I was at the animal house happily enjoying an animal free house, when S.O. came in with only Sofia. Apparently, he was taking Sofia out of the car first so he turned around for a second and Irwin Peppermint took the opportunity to get out as well.

So, S.O. told me the cat escaped and went out looking for him. None of us were worried at the time because, well have you seen Irwin? He is not exactly the world’s fastest animal, so he could not have gone too far. However, 10 minutes later S.O. still came in with no cat. I preceded to lose my shit and rolled up in a ball to productively cry. Cause, you know, that is the number one productive thing to do. I called my mom hyper ventilating and what not, threatening divorce and other useful things. She pretty much told me to calm the fuck down and reminded me that Irwin is a fat cat so he cannot be far.

I grabbed the extra flashlight and joined S.O. in the search. I went around the block several times, looked in the bushes, asked neighbors. Nothing. It was looking grim. So I went back for round two of “productive” crying. S.O. came in 5 minutes later with a smug fat ass Irwin. He has been underneath the neighboring car the entire time. Napping. That fucker.

Morale of the story: Irwin is a lazy ass fucker who will not go very far when left to his own devices.