Why friendship is worth the risk

September 23, 2017

It was just a silly breakout at a women’s conference. At least that is what I thought. The speaker had wrapped up her talk and issued a challenge to turn to the person beside you and share your thoughts. I found the proposition somewhat awkward, but decided to play along.

The lovely woman in the adjacent seat turned towards us, her eyes bright with tears. Without warning or introduction, she blurted her secret burden. I was taken aback. I didn’t even know her name but now I knew the burning conviction she’d been hiding in her spirit.

It was a holy moment and I felt the weight of it. So did my friend. We leaned in, grabbed her hands and invited her to continue. We listened, we prayed and we said our good-bye’s. I thought that was that.

But God? He had another idea.

We bumped into her in the hallway between sessions and she introduced us to her companions. We casually suggested we meet up for dinner, expecting to do nothing of the sort. And as we said good-bye again, I thought that was that.

But God? He had another idea.

We connected once again at the hotel pool and, sensing God’s nudge, we decided to take a risk and have dinner with this little posse of women we’d just met.

At dinner, something holy happened. We opened up and poured our hearts out to one another as strangers. And hours later, we walked away dear friends.

The next morning, we rose early to have coffee and continue our conversation in the lobby. Anyone looking on would have thought we’d known each other for years as we laughed and chattered like sisters. We could hardly stand saying good-bye. And I thought that was that.

But God? He had another idea.

We stayed in touch over text and Facebook. And two years later, we met for a reunion in the mountains. We spent five days meeting with God and each other. We laughed until we cried and cried until we laughed. We confessed our stumbling blocks, hopes and dreams to one another. We prayed over each other. And God’s glorious heart for relationships washed over us like the waves against the rocks.

These women are so dear to me. I love them like sisters. And I marvel at how our deep, real connection can only be explained in the Heavenly realms.

At one point I reflected on how differently this could have played out. What if we hadn’t leaned in? What if we had settled for surface conversation? What if we’d thought it was just too weird to open up to a stranger? What if we declined dinner because it would be potentially awkward?

“We must be ready to allow ourselves to be interrupted by God. God will be constantly crossing our paths and canceling our plans by sending us people with claims and petitions.” ― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

God’s heart is for us to be in community. But so often we hold back.

We can be too afraid to lean in or too quick to lean out. We get frustrated with shortcomings, short each-other of grace and expect perfection only God can provide. We hide our sin under false masks. And we don’t engage with new faces because we believe a lie that strangers might not be worth the effort.

My relationship with this group of women reminded me of a critical truth: God delights in relationships.

We trusted that we were all part of His family and dove head first into authentic conversations. God did the rest. He knit our spirits together and poured his blessing into our willingness to be real with each other. Come what may.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1

Maybe our struggles with relationships are based on a lack of vulnerability. Maybe we try to remain on the surface far too long and miss the sweet gift of deep connection. Maybe we resist letting fellow believers speak truth over us, choosing fear and pride over freedom and heart change. And maybe we throw in the towel too soon when friends disappoint us.

Its tempting to wallow in loneliness and disconnection, convinced that relationships are not worth the effort and that’s that.

But God? He has other ideas.

He placed in our souls a deep desire for connection. He knew we would stumble, fall and let each other down in relationships – but He created us to crave them anyway.

He desires us to sharpen each-other, encourage one another and run the race of life in community. He knits willing hearts together and turns strangers into friends. He does beautiful things in and through relationships. We just have to be willing to lean in and get real when He gives us opportunities to connect.

Can I encourage you to do this work? Can I challenge you to take risks?

Maybe you’ve been burned. Maybe you’ve been hurt. Maybe you’d rather curl up and die than talk to a stranger. Maybe you want nothing to do with opening up to someone.

Do it anyway.

Don’t miss this gift that God freely gives us to live in community. I know it can be scary. I know hurt is inevitable. But so are the blessings that come from authentic relationships with each-other.

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Here I am. Smack dab in the middle of life. Married to my best friend. Raising four amazing kids. Growing in faith. Passionate about building community and serving the vulnerable. Laughing, sassing, and writing as I go.