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How bad is it that I may not work out today simply because I don’t feel like showering?

😀

I’ve worked out 3 times this week, thought I might go for a fourth today, but then I looked at the clock and it’s already 12:30 pm and I started calculating in my head how much time I’d lose in my day if I worked out.

Pro: it’s good for me, and I still have lots of weight I want to lose. It also gives me energy.

Con: the whole process is time consuming, and I’m not sure I want to give up that amount of time today. Seriously. It always seems to take at least 2 hours.

You’ve got your workout itself, which ranges in length, depending on what you do. Say that’s anywhere from a half hour to an hour. Then there’s cool-down time. Then you add on your shower which is a must because you’ve worked up a major sweat, and even if it’s the quickest thing in the world you still have to do it and then there’s the time it takes to dry off and put on lotion (because my poor feet are trashed) and deal with your wet hair and get dressed, and suddenly it’s 2 to 3 hours later and where goes the time?

Normally, it’s fine. I take that time loss into account. It’s simply part of my routine, and that’s life.

But some days I just don’t feel like giving up all that time. Like today, for example. It’s Sunday. I got my homework done ahead of time. After being busy busy busy, I’d like to RELAX. Break up the usual routine. Do something DIFFERENT. Something fun. Or just chill out for a change.

Frankly, it’s been so long since I had free time to myself (where I wasn’t thinking ahead to what still needs to be done) that I feel like I’ve forgotten HOW to relax or have fun or chill out.

So today I find myself looking at the clock, seeing it’s already almost 1 PM and asking myself, “Do I really want to lose the next 2+ hours of my day? What do I WANT to do today?”

Sometimes working out is important. It gives you clarity, it gives you energy, it gives you focus. Sometimes it even helps you keep your sanity. (I joke. Sort of. LOL.)

But sometimes it’s okay to make another choice. To NOT work out. To give yourself a different kind of “me” time. And that choice can bring you sanity, too.

This entry was going to come a good few months ago. I had it all outlined, talking about the latest progress in my workout experiment, what I’d achieved so far, and what would happen next.

If you’ve read any of my entries, you know the workout was to be done backwards (DVD months 9, 8 and 7, then months 1 through 6). Though I only wrote about months 9, 8, 7 and 1, I actually made it through up to part of month 3.

A few notes from that time:

I incorporated some cardio (not much, just started small, about 10 minutes each day). I struggled with some neck and lower back issues (which I blame on stress and an uncomfortable, crooked mattress). I also noticed a difference in my temperament when I didn’t get to work out, when internship and life ‘stuff’ got in the way and I made the choice not to exercise — I felt like the stresses got to me easier, I felt crabby, and my body wouldn’t loosen up.

I recognize that I will always need to work out because it lifts my mood and gives me energy. Food issues are a whole other topic and I have so much more work to do in order to fix that part of my life, but over the last 10 years or so I have come to need workouts. They are a constant in my life now. Even when I have to take some days off from it, unless I’m physically incapable I know I will always go back to it.

Despite my revelations about exercise, I continue to struggle with the emotional eating aspect. As the summer went on and the stresses increased, it felt like my brain shut down and the anxiety kicked in. I ate terribly. Too much, and not healthy foods. We’re talking fast food, here. Greasy, bad-for-you fast food.

And that is my huge issue. When I’m stressed, or upset, or super-anxious, my first thought is not, “How can I handle this stress and work through it in a smart, healthy manner?” I’m not sure my mind ever goes to that kind of thought process (though I need it to).

Instead, my brain’s immediate impulse is “What can I eat?” and the choices I run to are not always good. And it doesn’t matter if it makes me feel lousy — and that I know it makes me feel lousy — because my brain doesn’t stop to think about it; I just go there like autopilot.

Some days I don’t know how I’ll ever be free of that. Is it too fully ingrained in me? I don’t know. I sure the hell hope not! But it’s my biggest struggle.

The only positive thing I can say about it is that after the bad stuff, I go right back to my healthier patterns. The next day is a new day and I start out healthy again.

But the problem is, it’s not good to go back and forth like that. It doesn’t make for a balanced life, healthy body or mind.

Anyway, by that point I had made it halfway through month 3. I had 3 1/2 more months to go in my experiment, and lots I wanted to achieve.

In my last post, I talked about the physical and emotional challenges faced during the first month of my new workout experiment.

Amidst grief over the loss of a close friend, stress from taking three classes, and the struggle in returning to exercise after a 6-month break, I made it through “Month 9” of the workout and lost 5.5 inches from various areas of my body. Not a bad start.

I was going to be all organized and talk about the workout I’m doing and give a breakdown of each DVD and what it contains, and then have a post talking about ‘month 9’ and how it went and how I’m now on ‘month 8,’ all setting up the stage (so to speak) for semi-regular posting about my progress with all of that. I clung to that plan, making time to write it all up. It was going to be so structured and… blah blah blah.

But then today happened.

Actually, this week happened, and all of those plans went right out the window. (For now.)

What happened today?

I decided NOT TO WORK OUT.

*gasp*

*cue record coming to a screeching halt*

What?

I’m on a journey to lose weight and get in better shape and I deliberately chose not to work out? How is that possible? That’s not how this works! I have to get off my butt and get moving! I’m such a lazy bum!

No.

As with most things in life, it’s more complicated than what it seems on surface level. Since I’m all about digging past the surface level, I’m going to talk about why it’s more complicated. At least, why it’s more complicated today.