Society failing our young men

By Kurt W. Faust

Published
8:15 am EST, Thursday, February 14, 2013

It’s no surprise when discussing society and violence issues, that men and violence are often mentioned in the same breath. This is a fact that we can no longer deny or dismiss. Simply put, we have a fundamental failure in our society — the development of boys to men — and we are failing miserably.

The majority of American boys are being raised by single mothers, grandparents, enabling parents or mothers and fathers who lack in parenting skills. Although this seems like an obvious problem, it seems to get lost when communities and governments attempt to improve societal ills. Program after program is enacted and funded, yet little is done to change the way we are developing our young people, in particular, young men. In addition, little attention is given to expanding parenting skills. Words like integrity, character, values and work ethic are replaced with entitlement, power, control and fairness. Although the latter concepts have some measure of validity in small, appropriate doses, they neither reflect what is necessary to survive, nor do they lay the foundation for male success.

When it comes to violence, integrity, character and values are necessary building blocks to reversing the violent cultural trend of our male population. Our challenge is to redefine men, reconnect them to the role they were meant to play in this world, and finally, develop them as successful, relational people. Unfortunately, you will not see this promoted as a solution to our violent culture. It does not make the headlines of the news nor does it resonate on the lips of our politicians, yet all statistics point in this direction. Due to the lack of initiative by elected officials, we as a caring people must focus on our role in changing the culture of men as a whole, including their role in societal violence.

If you look around at how men are portrayed and what the expectation is, it quickly reveals that we have work to do. Men are depicted as selfish, unmotivated, immature, valueless, “feel good” people. All forms of media enhance the picture that men are barbaric and do not have the skills to lead, maintain a quality relationship or work hard. This is the opposite of the image portrayed of women in society. Unfortunately, this false depiction of men not only demeans and redefines men in an unhealthy and damaging way, but it also lowers our expectations of men as a whole. Statistics back this up showing that many women do not see men as a significant need in their lives. In addition, marriage rates have plummeted, many women are waiting much longer to marry, and more women than men are entering both college and the professional work force. The problem here is not the latter. Women are advancing for the good of society and this has been a positive contribution to our culture. The issue is that while the role of women has evolved and progressed, the role of men has nose-dived. To redefine men, however, does not mean to slow down the progression of women. What it does mean is that we must get men back on track.

How does this erosion of males contribute to violence in our society? First, it contributes because men who lack a fundamental value structure are numb to all forms of violence. Men are inherently conquerors, they seek out dominance in any form. On the healthy side, this can be cultivated into leadership, work ethic and an overall healthy lifestyle. On the unhealthy side, this may lead to overly aggressive behavior, domineering tendencies, lack of boundaries and a lack of compassion toward others. Society helps to feed the unhealthy side, providing a plethora of violent stimulations in the form of news/media, movies, video games and athletics (not the sports themselves, but the negative aspects that the media chooses to polarize). In addition, men have been used as fodder in comedies, cartoons and many popular television programs. Well-adjusted young men gravitate toward these forms of entertainment to feed their inherent desire for action as a healthy way to vent their developing energies (much like athletes do in sports). For them it is a minor part of who they are and who they aspire to be.

The danger is in the millions of young men who gravitate toward these stimulations as “fillers” for gaps in their social-emotional development. For the most part, they go undetected; that is until they decide to share their frustrations and lack of relational support and development by acting out violently. Infusing value-based education, relational intimacy and positive life experiences can temper the craving for violence as a form of entertainment and gratification of unmet needs. It also puts one big aspect, the “crud” in our society, into perspective and distances it from a young man’s overall development. In addition it fortifies a strong environment for positive and appropriate development of males.

To instill values in young men takes a calculated community effort beginning in the home and expanding to the schools, churches, athletics, and other social settings. It includes putting significant people in the lives of our young men to instruct, model, mentor and coach them to understand a healthy value system. Finally it empowers them to live out these values by becoming men of integrity, i.e. pursuing positive patterns of choices and living. That being said, this is the crux of the challenge that we face. Many homes lack a quality male figure or an environment conducive to healthy relationships, schools are slaves to an eroding societal moral structure, many churches struggle to maintain contact with their youth, athletics focuses on winning as the number one value, and finally, social settings and social media are unrealistic, value-absent, popularity-based and exclusive.

So the challenge is out there and ready for us to grasp. The strategy is simple; infiltrate all aspects of our community and foster and develop programs lead by quality people with an understanding of basic value-laden concepts. We must take the challenge to reach out and mentor our youth and immerse ourselves into the nooks of our young people’s worlds. We must also equip parents with the skills necessary and challenge them to parent regardless of their family structure/environment. Finally, we must send the message to all aspects of social media that they are done raising our kids on their agendas and that we are going to determine what is right for our children.

No longer can we hope to stop violence by debating gun-control, building more prisons, creating more laws, farming our kids out to others, relying on schools to raise our kids and allowing all forms of violent entertainment to be the norm. It is time for parents, adults, politicians and professionals to roll up their sleeves and take a proactive role in changing the culture.

Midlander Kurt W. Faust, a men’s outreach coordinator, is president of S.T.E.P UP (Success Through Education and Positive Coaching).