Me Time – Leader of the Lost Plothttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk
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1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.4.1http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/profpic-150x150.jpgMe Time – Leader of the Lost Plothttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk
3232Friend Visithttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/04/02/friend-visit/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/04/02/friend-visit/#respondTue, 02 Apr 2019 18:50:42 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=836We had a great visit from some friends this weekend which made a really nice change. B and I both thought at the end of the day that we should do it more often, even though we were really quite knackered by the end. They are old friends of mine from University. D was on …

]]>We had a great visit from some friends this weekend which made a really nice change. B and I both thought at the end of the day that we should do it more often, even though we were really quite knackered by the end.

They are old friends of mine from University. D was on my course with me and was best man at my wedding. He me his wife M when we were at university (But not actually at the university!). I used to regularly play computer games with D and another friend R at their shared house with play often ending in the early hours of the morning! I’d also go round to watch TV at their house in the evening and enjoy some food which then continued when D and L got their first house together. My contribution though most of this was typically pudding… which we could all eat back then without much fear of putting weight on then because we were young!

They’ve now got three girls, L, E and H. L was actually a flower girl at our wedding (Albeit dressed as a Shrek Baby). Visits round to see them dropped off for various reasons that crop up as you get older plus B being anxious of attending parties etc. made it even more difficult. It’s a shame we’ve ended up living so far away but it’s actually less than a 2 hours drive and B and I both enjoy seeing them, we just have to be more organised!

The day before we scurried around tidying, just in order to make it look like we generally tidy a lot more. We did loads of hoovering too to make sure there wasn’t too much dust or dog hair floating around as there are some allergies amongst the friends that visited. Hoovering wasn’t too bad as we’ve got one of them new-fangled cordless hoovers now. Which yes, can be used to pretend you’re holding a proton gun from Ghostbusters or space laser etc!

Last time the friends visited they managed to go to the wrong house, knock on the door and be greeted by someone who had no idea who we were. Technology is great until the address in that technology doesn’t get updated when they move house! They’re in good company though as we’ve had other visitors go to our old house too (You know who you are). This time they were more successful and managed to come straight to the right address… I imagine if they had gone to the old house again they might’ve kept it to themselves anyway for fear of never hearing the end of it!

We’d sent some texts beforehand to try and figure out what everyone would be happy to eat. We’re quite fussy so we do appreciate that people won’t necessarily like what you put out so we asked. Some of our limits included:

"Pasta is good, but E doesn't like the sauce."

"E and H don't like mash but L and I do."

"Carrots: E, L uncooked, rest cooked."

It felt like we were going to have to solve it like one of those logic puzzles that need you to draw a grid!

In the end we decided on Pizza for lunch when they arrived and just made sure we had a good selection ready to go in the fridge. For dinner we just brought a range of sausages and did chips, mash, beans, peas, sweetcorn and gravy so that people could just decide for themselves. Everything that was left over we knew we’d likely be able to freeze or use the next day anyway.

The three girls aren’t used to being around dogs, so they tend to be quite scared of R wandering around, and even more so of her jumping up at them. So when they arrived we put her in our bedroom for a bit. We ate our pizzas and then we went and got her to take her out for a really good walk. She doesn’t generally jump up when she’s out and the girls were even keen to hold the lead. The eldest girl L was asking lots of questions about dogs including which dogs are suitable for people with allergies, how much walking they need at different ages, and how dog rescue centres work… (Good luck guys)

We ended up at the park we sometimes go to, B and I sat outside the fence with R and X went inside with everyone else to play. It was fairly busy, but X is really good now when there are other children around, even though he used to avoid the whole park even if there was one other child around.

When we got back R was really tired, so spent most of the rest of the day asleep on the sofa which really suited everyone else well as it meant they weren’t being jumped on and could simply stroke her and be near her. She did wake up again when it was time for dinner though and made her presence known! We’re used to her walking around us when we’re eating and at times even jumping onto empty chairs to stare at us hoping she’ll get some ‘human food’. However, nobody else was used to this so she did have quite a long period of being told to get down.

Everyone seems to get enough to eat and we only had 4 sausages left at the end. I did get a bit worried when dishing out as everyone seems to want chips and not mash! I did end up having enough chips (Just) and we’ve now got some frozen mash to turn too when we can’t be bothered to cook!

We had a great afternoon eating, chatting and catching up. It was a really good day and B and I now have to make sure we’re organised and arrange to see them again much sooner than before! (Plus, it forced us to tidy up a bit, which is never a bad thing!)

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/04/02/friend-visit/feed/0Bad Belly Emergencyhttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/03/04/bad-belly-emergency/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/03/04/bad-belly-emergency/#commentsMon, 04 Mar 2019 19:44:43 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=780After taking a few weeks off work in order to deal with B having a bit of a downturn, I’m currently on a “Phased Return” to work. This means I am only working mornings and am trying to get rest/downtime whenever I can. Fellow parents will appreciate that this is never really easy regardless of …

]]>After taking a few weeks off work in order to deal with B having a bit of a downturn, I’m currently on a “Phased Return” to work. This means I am only working mornings and am trying to get rest/downtime whenever I can. Fellow parents will appreciate that this is never really easy regardless of what else is going on!

One day last week, B’s mum was going to visit to see her and help collect X from school. This meant that I was planning to take a trip into town when I’d finished work, mooch around the shops a bit and probably get an ice-cream or a cake somewhere… that was the plan! Yes, I realise I should know better than to actually make plans.

So, with the thought of cake and a quiet walk firmly in my mind, I sat in the car after finishing work, started the engine and began backing out. This was interrupted by the phone ringing and to be honest my phone doesn’t really ring all that much other than 3 things, especially when I’m at work.

B calling for a chat.

My dad calling (Usually a technical question about his computer).

Really badly stitched together recordings of people who seem to know all about an accident I’ve never had, or a PPI claim I’m not making!

Number 3 I usually now deal with by simply hanging up. There was a hope in the past that I could shout some necessary rantings at this and someone would have to listen to all these responses at the end of the day and would come across my “contribution”.

Given that it was just after lunchtime, I figured this one was probably B wanting a chat so I pulled back into the space, switched off the engine and grabbed the phone. It wasn’t B, but it was a local number… it was the school… I always dread calls from the school. “X is at A&E”, “X has hit someone” “We’ve lost X”. None of these have actually happened to us… but there is always a first time! We’ve only had two phone calls from the school, the first one was them letting us know he’d bashed his head just in case he got ill later that evening. Mind you, anyone who has a child who can climb around as much as X is probably constantly on “Head injury watch”!

This was the second phone call.

“Hi, is that X’s Dad? This is K ringing from reception at his school”

“Hi, yes it is.”

“I’m just ringing to let you know that X has had a rather bad stomach and will need to be collected. We’ve managed to find him a change of clothes as it was all over his belly and clothes”

“Ah right. Err, is he OK in himself?”

“Oh, I don’t know, hang on”.. long pause.. “Yes, he’s fine to walk home with one of you if you’d like to come get him”

So, I explained we’d come and get him at some point and she went through we’d have to go to reception etc. to grab him.

“Bugger” I thought, “That’s probably the end of the ice-cream plan then.”

I went to ring B to see if she would be happy to go with her mum to get him early. I rang the home phone, but there was no answer. Ah, typical, because her mum is there they’ve managed to get out and take R for a walk. I tried B’s mobile but I knew that it would simply be sat on the table in the kitchen and B never bothers taking it out. Finally, I figured I’d ring her mum’s mobile in the home that she’d taken it out on the walk. She had indeed, although she was a bit confused as to why I would be ringing her to be honest. I spoke to B and explained what had happened. She said that as her mum was there they would take the dog home and then walk round and get X from school. This is quite a big thing for B to do to be honest. It would mean her ringing the buzzer to get into reception then speaking to them to say who she was and that she was there to collect X. I was really impressed that she’d offered to do it. She did ask me to come home sooner rather than later though as we both know she’s not really good at dealing with sick! I’m really not bothered by it, we often refer back to her pregnancy when I would be cleaning up morning sickness with one hand whilst still holding my cereal with the other.

I was off the hook, so went into town and started having a quick walk. I got a message from B when I was out saying he hadn’t actually been sick so I didn’t need to go home quite as quickly. This was nice as I hadn’t actually got round to having ice-cream or a cake yet so was able to go off and have a cream tea on the way back.

It turns out that he’s actually have a massive explosive session of diarrhoea! We wen’t even sure initially if this was in the middle of the classroom, or in the toilet and X wasn’t overly informative about it other than saying that he’d tried to get the teachers attention, but that hadn’t worked. It turns out he had asked the teacher and had made it to the toilet it was just too much too fast! We were told that it ended up all over him, all over his pants (Which had to be thrown away), all over his trousers and all over most of the toilet he used! B and her mum walked him home in some borrowed trousers and pants and gave him a bath. It’s a good job it was poo to be honest, as I think if it had been sick I would’ve had to drive back and sort him out myself… B would’ve been tempted to just give him something to play with in the bath and left him there.

On the positive side, that was all we saw of his poorly belly and school said he could go back the next day. I was actually really nervous that he’d have to be off school for 48 hours and also that he wouldn’t be able to go to my parents the following day at all that that just 1 day into my phased return to work I would’ve had to take time off… I’m not even sure how that would work, and I’m sure it would cause a problem with work’s electronic time keeping system!

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2019/03/04/bad-belly-emergency/feed/1Lego Christmas Advent Calendar – 2018http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/29/lego-christmas-2018/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/29/lego-christmas-2018/#commentsThu, 29 Nov 2018 22:51:05 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=480I managed to get the Limited Edition Lego Present this year that you can see above, featuring ourselves obviously. This year I’ve also again got the Lego City Advent Calendar and I’ve decided to blog each day’s build on the evening of that day. I’m not sure if I’ll add them to this post, or …

]]>I managed to get the Limited Edition Lego Present this year that you can see above, featuring ourselves obviously.

This year I’ve also again got the Lego City Advent Calendar and I’ve decided to blog each day’s build on the evening of that day. I’m not sure if I’ll add them to this post, or do separate posts for each day, we’ll see what works best. Building Lego helps keeps me that little bit more together ( Pun intended ) so hopefully this’ll mitigate any “Oh crap I’ve not brought B any presents yet” stress!

I know some of you wont be overly interested in the Lego side, but I’m going to try and find something interesting / related to our lives to say about each thing that gets built… and considering I won’t know what it’s going to be, that could be amusing.

December 1st

Space Shuttle today, so we’ve all gone off to the moon… on my original Lego Space moon base plate!

When Star Wars Episode 7 came out at the Cinema. I’d not seen the previous 6. My mate at work organised a night out to see the first 12:05 showing and B and I thought it would be a good idea. Trouble is we then had to binge watch the first 6 before we went!

December 2nd

X got a new friend from the Calendar today. Looks like he’s got spare money so he can probably afford to me 2 of whatever he’s after!

X has a thing about “pennies”. “Pennies” covers all type of coins and the collection in his Fire Engine money box (Brought for him by my Nan) now contains what was “My” 1p,2p and 5p collection from the jar in the bedroom!

December 3rd

X got a new toy car today. Don’t think he’ll be getting one that big for real!

I wrote B’s car off on the way home from our wedding by hitting a deer!

December 4th

We got a twin of Lego R in the advent calendar today (although R isn’t really a husky).

Two of B’s sisters are twins, they are not identical but it did mean we were a little bit worried when B got pregnant just in case!

December 5th

Fun sled in there today, together with a bit of a snow jump! Perfect for X to earn a trip to A&E!

We don’t get much snow where we live, so when we do we all get a little bit over excited. We did actually get a good load last year and when we went out to play it in we found an abandoned, half broken, plastic sled… so we adopted it! Waste not – want not!

December 6th

Snow man today. Who also came with a mug of hot chocolate… which X has actually made and school and seems to like.

X now insists on getting hot chocolate now when we pop out for breakfast on a weekend morning!

December 7th

We’ve received someone with a shovel today. I like to think she’s shovelling snow with it, and not burying someone… she does look quite cheery!

During the summer I started constantly keeping one of X’s plastic spades in the car. That way, when he randomly said he wanted to go onto the beach when we were driving past we were prepared… It’s still in there!

December 8th

Quite a modern one this. One of them new fangled drones for X to play with.

As a child I had a radio control car (A “Chipmonk”), one day it randomly jumped off the shelf and scared the crap out of me. Managed to figure out that a coin had touched the aerial. It would seem copper touching the aerial counted as a signal and it wasn’t possessed!

December 9th

A nice Victorian style lamp post with some holly on. Perfect for Lego B and Lego L to have a romantic walk.

When we were “dating” B and I never actually went on a date… except for once when already on holiday together in Spain we had a meal out together.

December 10th

Some kine of football game together with a ball. Mummy can play it with X I’m not a football fan.

I don’t like professional football. I’m sorry, I just really can’t understand why someone would spend their time watching it. No, not even for “The world cup”.

December 11th

A modern high speed passenger train toy. Makes a change from all the stream train toys and X would be more than happy with it.

I still have my original Lego train from when I was a kid. It had electrified rails and a massive control box that just had a “Fast / slow” dial on. All the modern ones (Which I now have 2 of) have battery powered trains and a remote control… but the rails all interconnect!

December 12th

I really am a big fan of ice-cream, but I’m not sure how festive it is!

B does not like ice-cream, of any kind. X and I on the otherhand do have quite a thing for it!

December 13th

Girl with an ice-cream today. Which does tie in nicely with yesterday’s. Even though Ice-cream still not festive.

Much as Ice-cream isn’t festive. I still think someone walking down the road eating an ice-cream in December is acceptable, because eating ice-cream is always acceptable.

December 14th

A little set of Lego presents today, which I’m sure would keep Lego X happy.

I really do want Lego for Christmas (And Birthdays). For years B has been responding to people saying “What shall we get L this year” by saying “Just get him some Lego, I can tell you what he has” but people have always assumed she was kidding!

December 15th

Christmas Tree today. The classic! Nice touch to add a micro Lego man to the top though.

B and me have had the same Christmas tree all the time we’ve been together, this will be it’s 11th Christmas!

December 16th

Cake cart today… it would seem Lego also think that Christmas is about the food.

B and I had 3 cakes on our wedding day… none of which were wedding cakes! One Starship Enterprise, one Dragon/Dinosaur and one castle!

December 17th

When we’d just started going out, B tried to make me some biscuits to take away with me to visit relatives… she managed to follow a recipe for scones thinking it was a biscuit recipe and didn’t realise until they came out of the oven! They were actually really nice scones, and she also made some biscuits to make up for it too!

December 18th

I’m sure X would love an off road vehicle of some kind!

About 13 years ago, I went off road quad biking for my mate’s stag do… I was the one that came off and broke both my wrists! The bride was grateful it wasn’t the groom, and my mum got a free invite to the wedding as I needed someone to drive me there!

December 19th

Radio controlled bikes. I’m sure both Lego X and Lego Me would love to race these around the room!

Don’t tell him, but X has actually got a radio controlled car for Christmas this year! I promise I’ll let him have more goes than me.

December 20th

Some kind of crane / drilling / ground breaking machine today. Got spares of almost every brick with this one which was quite good.

When we were renovating our house when we first moved in, my dad did loads of work for us. One thing was taking a wall out to make the kitchen larger. He managed to let loads of rocks roll into the front of our shiny white fridge freezer which now has a series of dents in it. I wouldn’t mind but he was a general builder for 40 years so I’d of thought he’d see it coming.

December 21st

X could actually do with a clock, so perhaps Lego X is happy to get one this year.

We have a backwards clock in our kitchen, so it runs counterclockwise and the numbers also go counterclockwise… it drives mine and B’s parents mad when they visit and they keep telling us to get a different one! I think it’s great!

December 22nd

Toy robot today… I’m sure Lego B would love to have a robot around the house, although she does love her new vacuum!

One of X’s first toys we got him for Christmas was a plastic beeping robot… yes, it was very annoying… it ended up living in the car!

December 23rd

Helicopter toy today. X does like to play with my “real” Lego helicopter, and he does actually own one himself.

When X was only just walking, we were out walking R and the air sea rescue helicopter flew over… X started dancing to the noise in the middle of the path.

December 24th

Classic Santa for the 24th. I’ve got three now, X was very impressed that we had some Lego Santas to play with

When we went to visit Father Christmas this year, we queued for ages and all X could think of when asked what he wanted was “Daddy knows”.

Well, that’s it for Lego Advent for another year… shame they don’t do a count down calendar for anything else really!

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/29/lego-christmas-2018/feed/1Jurassic Park is 25!http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/27/jurassic-park-is-25/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/27/jurassic-park-is-25/#respondTue, 27 Nov 2018 22:35:25 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=472When B was away last week at her dads I did what I always do when she goes there and watched films in the evening that I know she won’t ever want to watch (To be fair I also talk to myself a lot when she’s not around, eat really badly and let the dog …

]]>When B was away last week at her dads I did what I always do when she goes there and watched films in the evening that I know she won’t ever want to watch (To be fair I also talk to myself a lot when she’s not around, eat really badly and let the dog sleep on her side of the bed!). The films tend to be slightly scary sci-fi films but can drift to almost anything that Netflix or Amazon prime have floating around… especially if it’s free, I like free and it can make we watch some odd stuff!

This time round, I watched “Jurassic World : The Lost Kingdom”. I didn’t really know what to expect, general action, bit of suspense and some general humour. To be honest it was quite good, there were some good chase bits in it and some “Hide and it will go away” type bits.

I did like some of the nods to the original such as: A door handle being slowly pulled down by a claw, and someone in a cupboard trying to pull down a door. Always a like a good nod to an original / classic. These ones however did get me thinking back to the original Jurassic Park.

To be honest, I didn’t realise it was 25 years ago until I looked it up. Yes, it did make me feel bloody old! I knew it was early 90’s, but wasn’t sure the details and still can’t think of the early 90’s at 25 years ago. I remember it was 90’s because I do vaguely remember going off to see it. Me and my mate C.T. were planning to go and see it on our own, we would have been around 12. However, my Dad suddenly turned round during the day and asked if he could come with us. So, we ended up taking my dad with us to the Cinema… okay so he probably drove us, but he made it clear that he was going with us and not the other way around. I can’t actually remember my Dad ever going to the cinema at any other time, so it did stick in my mind.

I mentioned this to my Dad the next day when they were trying to get me to eat something proper! He remembered going and then said “Wasn’t it with your mate nipper…” and the surname of the guy I went with. “Nipper”, Dad he’s 37! I wonder if I’ll be talking to X like that in 30 years!

I’ve still got C.T. on my Facebook, I wonder if he remembers taking my Dad to go and see Jurassic Park 25 years ago! ( Incidentally, C.T. was also a massive Lego lover as a kid!)

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/27/jurassic-park-is-25/feed/0Aspire Channel Swim 2018http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/19/aspire-channel-swim-2018/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/19/aspire-channel-swim-2018/#respondMon, 19 Nov 2018 19:39:52 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=420This year, like the previous 2 years, I will be taking part in the Aspire Channel Swim. This is a challenge to swim 22 miles in 12 weeks in order to raise awareness and money for people suffering from spinal cord injuries. You can see all the details on their website linked above where they …

]]>This year, like the previous 2 years, I will be taking part in the Aspire Channel Swim. This is a challenge to swim 22 miles in 12 weeks in order to raise awareness and money for people suffering from spinal cord injuries. You can see all the details on their website linked above where they outline what they do much more elegantly than I can.

Every year I have taken part in this, actually doing the 22 miles hasn’t really been the problem… it’s finding the time to get the pool in order to do actually do it! Given X and B, swimming before work, after work, or at weekends is pretty much impossible, which just leaves lunchtimes during work. We get 30 minutes for lunch… which just about gives me enough time to get to the pool, get changed, do no swimming, get changed back and just about make it back to work. Luckily work offer Flexi-Time, so actually I can take longer but I have to make up the time later and also take some time to eat something too.

This year I’m trying to do the challenge in just 10 sessions in the pool. It took me about 14 or 15 sessions last year. This will mean swimming 142 lengths (3.55km) in each visit, which is about 1 hours and 25 minutes of constant swimming. It’s a shame they haven’t put TV screens under the pool… I wonder if they’ll invent waterproof VR headsets! That sounds a lot of swimming, and it is, but it means I save on travel time and getting changed! So far this year I’ve manage to stick to the long swim sessions and have done 7 of the 10 I need to do, so just 3 more to go… in 2 weeks!

Yeah, I’m quite behind schedule! I’ve had quite a lot of stoppage this year, mainly due to illness, usually my own to be honest which is annoying. I’ve also missed days because of X being ill and off school as well as B needing me to be around. Also, for some reason “work people” go and book meetings at 1:30 in the afternoon! I mean really, anyone would think we’re supposed to be working and not swimming!

However, I’ve booked long lunches in my calendar for Tuesday and Thursday this week, so I’m hoping I’ll be able to get 2 of them checked off without anyone booking me in a meeting! I’m just hoping there will be no emergencies, illnesses or pool closures over the next two weeks!

Update Jan 2018

I managed to finish! on the 26th November. I successfully achieved what I wanted and completed 10 sessions of 142 lengths. Not sure if I’ll got for 9 sessions next year… but I’ve got a while to think about it!

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/19/aspire-channel-swim-2018/feed/0Making Friends With Anxietyhttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/18/making-friends-with-anxiety/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/18/making-friends-with-anxiety/#commentsSun, 18 Nov 2018 17:46:26 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=405Making friends is hard, I know this, I’ve got my own confidence issues that make it seem like a herculean task to “chat” to someone I don’t know, especially being the first person to say something. In theory, because we now live back where I went to school I should be surrounded by friends and …

]]>Making friends is hard, I know this, I’ve got my own confidence issues that make it seem like a herculean task to “chat” to someone I don’t know, especially being the first person to say something. In theory, because we now live back where I went to school I should be surrounded by friends and it should all be easy-peasy. However, because I moved away for over a decade I don’t really “know” anyone anymore, so I’m surrounded by people I used to know, but I am afraid to try and properly connect with them.

I’d love to be able to simply message someone and invite them over, or arrange to go out, but the fear of doing that is simply too much to be honest. I see people in the shop and say hi, but always leave wishing I’d said more to them. I worry that they won’t be interested, that they’ve already got their friends and so I would be unnecessary and that at the end of the day they won’t like me anyway so I won’t bother. Occasionally, I’m not sure if they’re the person I think they are and I don’t want to seem like the crazy stranger mistaking them for someone else! Being a non-drinker makes this worse for my brain too, as I get worried that they’ll think the easiest thing would be going out for a drink to break the ice, unfortunately I’d often feel more uncomfortable in a pub than anywhere else.

On top of all the general worry, the trouble is I would have to try and find time to go out, visit them, or entertain them at home. All of which are complicated not only by standard ‘work’ and ‘having a 4 year old’ things, but also by B having her mental health issues. I know part of that is probably me making excuses, but it doesn’t stop it also actually being true.

I’d never feel comfortable inviting someone round, or making any plans to go out without asking B first, so spur of the moment invites/arrangements are out of the question. It’s not that she wouldn’t want me to go, far from it, she’d probably think it was great that I was doing something. It’s just that it would have to be on a day where she’s feeling really good and I’d be worried that she wouldn’t be okay “on the day” or that the pressure of trying to be okay would end up actually making her worse. I’d then have to explain why I couldn’t make it and as typically I wouldn’t have time to actually explain to them, I would just end up saying “B is ill”. I then worry that they’d think this was just an excuse.

All this might be a bit easier now that B’s mental health issues are “out” on Facebook, so I won’t mind mentioning them quite a much. However, it’s still something you don’t want to get into when chatting with someone casually stood in the shop… perhaps I can just hand them a card with the website on and stand there when they have a read!

All that worry is just me making a friend or even reconnecting with a friend as a carer! Making friends when you’ve actually got a mental health condition such as B can seem almost impossible. All those same doubts that I’ve mentioned above are also going to be shared by B and hers are going to be 10 times worse and joined by their friends too. (Even B’s thoughts have more friends than us, even if they are monsters!)

B doesn’t have any friends, at least she doesn’t feel she has any friends. She’s got a couple of people she went to school with on her Facebook profile, one of whom has actually recently tried to reconnect, which did make B happy. There are a couple of people who B see’s as my friends that she has spent time with as I’ve already mentioned. Which does raise the question as to when does being a “friend of a friend” change to just being “a friend”… there are complex graphics and academic papers on this, I kid you not!

To be honest, I’ve not got many close friends either. I’ve got some who live a couple of hours away that I met at uni, and I’ve got one I met through work. I’d love to visit the long distance ones more often but being a few hours away makes it quite tricky especially when worrying about how B will cope. Even if B is in a good place and we could go, they’ve got three kids so syncing up them all being available at the same time as us being available at the same time and finding someone to check in on R is really quite difficult (One of them is allergic to dogs, so taking R isn’t a possibility). They managed to visit us at one point and make sure they brought some allergy relief! Although given R’s greetings full hazmat suits might have been more appropriate! The girls are also not keen on dogs… or at least they weren’t. They went from not wanting R in the same room as them, to wanting to be the one who was giving her the most strokes and cuddles in the few hours they were here. I also managed a visit with X to see them earlier in the year which was really nice. B wasn’t able to come at she wasn’t travelling by car at that point due to some of her thoughts making her unable to do so. This meant that although it was great for me to see them again, she didn’t get to see them so missed out on “Friend” stuff because of her brain.

We have eaten out with, and visited the home of some friends very near where we live. I went to school with one of them and coincidentally lived next door to the other when I was very small (The place with live is that kind of place). B enjoyed us all going out for something to eat which was a big deal in itself and was even able to see the school friend on her own a couple of times. This was actually great and we’ve love to carry on doing more but B then had her incident. It then became almost impossible for us to think about getting out and about or contacting people. A couple of years ago we could of said to people we could go to the cinema with them but B is finding is hard to concentrate on films at the moment so it’s hard to find “Things” we’d be able to actually do with people.

It’s also very difficult for B to contact someone to say she wants to meet up in the first place. She ends up convincing herself that the other person wouldn’t want to see her, and that they’re better off with their other friends. It’s also hard because group events are almost impossible for her. This also means the idea of meeting new friends via existing friends doesn’t work all that well because anything other than 1-to-1 meet ups are a massive source of anxiety so would be avoided. It also then makes her feel bad for not being able to accept invitations to do things.

Some people have suggested that we’ll get to know people through X and dropping/picking him up from school. This is great in theory, except at the moment I still need to go in with B to pick up and drop off X. This means we are generally chatting which I imagine makes it harder for anyone to come over and say hello. We have had a couple of people who have introduced themselves via their children when we’ve been waiting to go in which has been really nice. We are hoping that this develops a bit more and we really can “use” X in order to get to know some different people. I’m also hoping that when B is ready to go and drop X off and pick him up on her own people will try and make conversation as she’ll be stood on her own.

I would ask that if you currently have a friend who constantly cancels, or seems to pick and choose when they see you it might not be their fault. We don’t know what’s going on in other people lives so try and give people a bit more of a chance.

If you have got a friend who suffers from anxiety or depression or any other mental health condition please remember it is not in their control. If their brain decides to stop them being able to go, they likely feel even worse than you for not being able to. Please, please, please keep inviting them to things, the next time you invite them might be the day they can actually get enough control to go! But make sure they know that although you’d love them to go, you won’t think any less of them if they can’t.

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/11/18/making-friends-with-anxiety/feed/1Forced Labourhttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/10/29/forced-labour/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/10/29/forced-labour/#commentsMon, 29 Oct 2018 11:31:01 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=249I remember as a kid thinking “Wouldn’t it be great to be able to play Sonic the Hedgehog all day!”. Now I have a 4 year old, who also likes to “play” sonic, I’m not all so sure I’d want that wish any more. X: “Can I play Sonic please?” Me: “Of course you can, …

]]>I remember as a kid thinking “Wouldn’t it be great to be able to play Sonic the Hedgehog all day!”. Now I have a 4 year old, who also likes to “play” sonic, I’m not all so sure I’d want that wish any more.

X: “Can I play Sonic please?”

Me: “Of course you can, are you going to play it properly?”

X: “Yes”

Please note, this is proper Sonic the Hedgehog and an original 90s megadrive (Okay, technically a MegaDrive2 for those who know the difference). So I get the cartridge out, plug it in, switch the TV to the right input, turn the volume down unwind the wire for the controller and hand it to X after clicking start.

Off he goes. It took him a while originally to get how it works, and what the idea of the game was but he can play it himself now… in theory. After a few minutes “Your go dad.”, which means he’s reached the end level boss of the first area. I dispatch him whilst saying “You really should do this yourself, you’ve only got to jump on his head.”. Controller back to X… ah no, blocked by X, “Dad, you do it. I die water”. Ah yes, “Chemical Plant” has water in it. To be honest, I know the drill by now. X won’t actually play by himself any more in this game, I’ll be doing it.

However, no sooner have I started moving but I’m then getting “advice” from X about how to play “That way”, “Wrong way”, “Get the ring”, “You missed rings”. So, that’s how the next chunk of the afternoon goes with me playing Sonic for my 4 year old master.

]]>http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/10/29/forced-labour/feed/1Stormy Saturday Breakfasthttp://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/10/13/stormy-saturday-breakfast/
http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/2018/10/13/stormy-saturday-breakfast/#respondSat, 13 Oct 2018 11:41:53 +0000http://www.leaderofthelostplot.co.uk/?p=63Managed to get away for a cooked breakfast on my own this morning, B was up and about at 9:30 and in a good mood. Does me good to get away and just sit quietly on my own for a while. It’s not necessarily the healthiest way to spend time, doing exercise just didn’t win …

]]>Managed to get away for a cooked breakfast on my own this morning, B was up and about at 9:30 and in a good mood. Does me good to get away and just sit quietly on my own for a while. It’s not necessarily the healthiest way to spend time, doing exercise just didn’t win against sitting with food!

It’s quite a stormy one today, lots of waves breaking over the rocks, and lots of people stood getting wet taking photos. I took the approach that if I sit inside, I get to see the waves breaking at the same time as stuffing myself with a Full English, win-win!