Funny movie quotes from A Night at the Opera

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): I saw Mrs. Claypool first. Of course, her mother really saw her first but there’s no point in bringing the Civil War into this.

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): You’re willing to pay him a thousand dollars a night just for singing? Why, you can get a phonograph record of Minnie the Moocher for 75 cents. And for a buck and a quarter, you can get Minnie.

Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Are you sure you have everything, Otis?Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet.

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): And now, on with the opera. Let joy be unconfined. Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.

Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): I’ve been sitting right here since 7:00.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Yes, with your back to me. When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That’s the price she has to pay.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That woman? Do you know why I sat with her? Because she reminded me of you.Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Really.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Of course. That’s why I’m sitting here with you. Because you remind me of you. Your eyes, your throat, your lips. Everything about you reminds me of you … except you. How do you account for that? If she figures that one out she’s good.

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): (to Chico and Harpo, who are hiding in his steamer trunk) You didn’t happen to see my suit in there, did you?Fiorello (Chico Marx): Yeah, it was taking up to much room, so we sold it.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Did’ja get anything for it?Fiorello (Chico Marx): A dollar forty.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That’s my suit alright.

Lassparri: Never in my life have I received such treatment. They threw an apple at me.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, watermelons are out of season.

[The waiter brings the bill]Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Let me see that … 9 dollars and 40 cents? This is an outrage.
[to his dinner companion]Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): If I were you I wouldn’t pay it.

[to Lassparri, costumed as Pagliacci]Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Just this – can you sleep on your stomach with such big buttons on your pajamas?

Henderson: Hey, who were you talking to?Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): I was talking to myself, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’ve had three of the best doctors in the East.

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Have you got any milk-fed chickens?Waiter: Yes, sir.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Well, squeeze the milk out of one and bring me a glass.

Henderson: You live here by yourself?Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Yes … just me and my memories.Henderson: I see the table is set for four.Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): That’s nothing – my alarm clock is set for eight.

Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Was that a high C, or Vitamin D?

Mrs. Claypool (Margaret Dumont): Get off that bed. What would people say?Otis P. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): They’d probably say you’re a very lucky woman.