If you listen to our good friend The Internet, you might be led to believe that PS Vita -- Sony's PSP successor -- launched in Japan and then promptly caught on fire. Maybe literally. The pint-sized powerhouse has been pegged with everything from crashes to lock-ups to sudden bouts of sentience followed by very hurtful comments about owners' frail, fleshy bodies. It's allegedly gotten so bad, in fact, that many sites -- including our own -- reported on a supposed “apology” from Sony. However, according to Sony UK PR head David Wilson, there might be a little smoke, but there's definitely no fire.

"The PS Vita has had a terrific launch and sold in large numbers,” he told The Guardian. “We're annoyed with these stories, because we can't find any evidence of widespread glitches. The stories even said that Sony has issued an apology for PS Vita glitches, which simply isn't true – there's an apology on our Japanese website for people who are having trouble getting through to our technical help line, but that's it.”

“And there’s a page showing standard procedures for powering the PS Vita on and off, which has been on our site since before the launch, which has been presented in some news stories as a means of solving the alleged glitches.”

So basically, it was all a big misunderstanding, and people started jumping to conclusions. Which is a shame, because we went through the trouble of writing up a whole list of potential comebacks in case our Vita started taking cruelly worded potshots at humanity. For example, “We now use your older brother to collect house dust -- and it's not even good at that” and “You remind us of someone we know. We think his name was N-Gage.”