A place of novel writing, poetry and thoughts

Month: August 2014

On the last post I talked about some really tough things happening right now. In this post I’m going to talk about how when tragedy hits — for those who are like my small family and I (this being my mom, and my three minor siblings) there is nobody out there that can seem to help?

So hence, I’ll try my best to start at the beginning, weeding out the whiny boring parts (I know everyone has problems in their lives, and I don’t want to be the one here that seems to be whining and begging for help — all I’m begging for is answers.)

All seemed well — or so we thought — in the household we called home. After a bad divorce (I’m sure I don’t need to go into details here) my father told my mom that since she got custody of us — the kids, and he got the house that we had to get out…

Fast forwarding forward, we end up in a nearby city approx. 2 to 3hrs from where he lives, living with my grandmother — my mother’s mom and other family members. They had told us they would provide a safe place with shelter and somewhere we can get back on our feet — we accepted having nowhere else to go — and no other family but they to help.

Fast forwarding again, we had to move from the previous house (as it was beginning to fall down from neglect) and we found a new house to live in — on the quiet side of the small city which we live. Upon moving here, the other family members — being an aunt, two uncles, and many cousins all went their separate ways, with my family unit and grandmother being the only ones to stay together in a single household.

That was almost close to 3 years ago. And coming back to the present — we have only now found out that we have been betrayed by our own family.

Today marks the biggest betrayal I have ever had in my short live of twenty years on earth. I think finding out that people who are supposed to be family — is one of the worse betrayals you can go through. It is up there with best friends and lovers.

I knew I would be hurt someday. I knew it would happen eventually, but to happen like this? And then to find out that there is no help out there to assist you no matter what agency you call, who you leave a message too — be it e-mail or phone — there is nobody.

I feel more helpless and useless as a human being now than ever. I can’t find a job in this failing economy and nor can my mother who has an AA in Criminal Investigations as well as a Private Investigation diploma.

The world has begun to fall — or at least just this country I still desperately want to love. But how can you love something that doesn’t love you? It hurts as much as knowing my own family is moving — leaving my siblings, mom and I homeless with winter — breathing down our necks. I can feel the season change in the air — between the hot August heat of the day and the cooling of September around the corner at night.

A symbolic sign of my anger boiling in the summer sun of betrayals and helplessness — and the cold sadness that we won’t survive the winter on the streets.

I pray every night for a miracle — just anything just something but so far nothing has come. Even staying up all night in the quiet to search for a place to go — and spending all day the next day after only 5hrs of sleep doing the same.

I’m thinking of making another blog — to document the process (or lack thereof) of this journey. From the beginning — of when life was good — to the inevitable end that is edging closer. An autobiography of how things go from good — to bad — to worse.

Hey readers and other blogger on WordPress. I’m not sure anyone will ever actually see this post but… I’m thinking maybe, just maybe someone will.

Things have gone from bad to worse in my household. I’m going to try and explain as clearly as possible without going into so many details, but bear with me.

I only just found out today that my siblings, mom, and myself might end up homeless — in the mountains of the Tennessee wilderness, with the cooling autumn season just around the corner.

We’ve done everything we can to try and find a place to live — but nobody seems to care, not even my grandmother who — after 3 years is abandoning us to the streets because she feels it’s time for her to move on with my uncle.

I never thought that someone — especially a close family member would do that to her own daughter and grandchildren? It hurts. It makes me depressed.

No homeless shelter will take us. And no public housing I available. My mom nor I can find a job in the area we live. We’ve applied for nearly everything — to no avail.

We can’t get any type of assistance from any of the agencies because of my father (who doesn’t really care about us either — I know that is heard a lot, but it’s so true and I love my mom even more for trying to make things work between them before she decided she couldn’t fix what was truly broken.) He puts in child support for my siblings and myself — but only when he wants too.

I know a public blog is no place to air out the sadness and depression that a young adult might be feeling — but I honestly have nothing else to turn to at this time. And I’m not asking for anything but a pair of eyes or anything to read and possibly understand. I know the world out there is no easy place, and I’m not looking for an easy ride. I’m just looking for hope. For something to look forward too, because at this moment — there is nothing in my eyes. There’s nothing within me but worry on where my family will be sleeping in a weeks time — where we might end up or what might happen. The future is unforeseen and unforeseeable and at this time terrifying for me.

I honestly don’t think I have anything left. And I know my mom who gets extremely sick sometimes by just stepping outside into the humid air — I know she won’t make it out on the streets — and I know my younger siblings won’t, especially my eight year old sister.

My only question in all this is how has the world? How has the country — the place that is supposed to protect us and for us to call home — gotten like this?

😦

I don’t know what to do anymore — I’ve tried everything, but nothing has worked or seems foreseeable to work in the near future.

I hope things can be turned around. I’m praying for a miracle. I hope some type of miracle comes true.

I hope that somehow this bad situation — this scary situation can somehow look up. And I say this to any who care, or any who listen or have been in this situation — even in all this maybe somehow, someway, we can all make a change starting with ourselves — and once we get out of the rock and hard place we’ve been put in we need to put back and help others in the same situation. But I feel I’m part of the minority when it comes to wanting to help my family first — and then when I know we’re stabilized — help others that are finding themselves also homeless.

I tell myself to stay strong. And I keep praying things will look up. Wish my luck readers, bloggers, and Internet friends. Maybe with enough prayers and enough wishes — something will change and I’ll pray for change for a tragedy in your life as well.