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Where Ranting About Injusticesand Raving About The Good Moral Things in Life Is What I Do

Friday, September 03, 2004

Behold the Lowly Troll - Part II

Back in early July, I wrote on why the latest batch of trolls on the VRWC BlogSites have been substandard. The conclusion was due to severe in-breeding. The Father-Daughter, Father-Son and Brother-Brother relationships have led to reduced brain-power and neurotic rants. Well after this post, I have witnessed even worse troll-ocities in the Sphere-O-Blogs. I just got back from the VRWC Institute for the Study of Liberal Insanities, and have a research paper which indicates that the severity of sub-rate trollism is due to not only the bad in-breeding, but also to effects of the troll's personal hygiene on their already weakened minds. There are two major categories of bad Troll hygiene: the feces wearing/eating troll, called the Shit-Eating Troll and the non-bathing, patchouli oil wearing troll called the Hippie/French Troll.

Let us look at the Hippie/French Troll - This troll type is generally European in nature, but there is plenty of this type in American also. Their main problem is they have no desire to bathe and try to smother their stench by douching themselves with liberal amounts of patchouli oil. This toxic combination of extreme body filth and extract oil from a patchouli flower (which is grown using sheep dung) assaults the nerves in the nose used for the sense of smell, over-stimulates and deadens them. In the process of over-stimulation, the nerves send random and high voltage pulses to the already weakened brain and tends to scramble the part of the brain used for reasoning and rational thought. In addition the toxic fumes given off of their bodies, is breathed into their lungs (which are generally larger due to constant screeching and whining) and these toxins flow to the brain and enlarge that portion of the brain that controls the masturbational and booger-eating urges. The extreme frequency of masturbation and booger-eating causes even more brain damage and the insanity cycle never ends. The only hope for these types of trolls is to catch them in the early stages, bathe them and subject them to hours of Ronald Reagan speeches to strengthen their minds. If not caught in time, the brain damage is permanent and death by over-wanking or being smothered in the local dump is usual after a couple of years from the day of their last bath.

The worst type of bad hygiene troll is the Shit-Eating Troll - this troll lives everywhere in the world, but tends to migrate to the large Liberal areas of the US. This type of troll is the most erratic and rabid troll known in trolldom. It's danger is not to any Loyal Citizen, but to itself. It's hygiene problem is that it likes to rub feces and urine upon itself and consume it. The problem may have started as a child whilest playing in the cat-box or backyard, it found the excrement of the household pet and started to munch on it like a Richard Simmons Energy Bar. Another probable cause of this disgusting hygiene habit could be traced to the pleasure of wallowing in filthy diapers. As children they would refuse to have their diapers changed or would not acknowledge that they were dirty. They LIKED the feel of squishy feces and the burn of ureic acid on their bodies. Over the years and into adulthood, this constant wearing/ingestion of excrement has transformed their brains into a Tofu like substance (which may be the reason they inhabit the majority of Calif.) that has little or no capacity to utter sane statements or coherent arguments. The troll 88 is a typical Shit-Eating Troll with his racist rantings and unstructured ramblings. There is no cure, and these troll type must be put down like you would put down a rabid weasel.

Loyal Citizens of the VRWC are in no danger from these trolls, since they can be vanquished with a single swipe of the sword of wit, but the danger lies in their spreading their filthy hygiene habits to other trolls, thus infecting them also with the bare mental capacities to function in the trolldom. If a Loyal Citizen is to encounter one of these troll types, stomp on it immediately and then use a Sanity Wipe on your Jackboot to contain the infection.

I strive constantly to bring you the latest results from the VRWC Institute for the Study of Liberal Insanities on the world of Trolls and Pinko Liberal Moonbats.