Monday, August 20, 2012

I have just graduated from one of the suckiest major you could afford to have. honestly, i regret how my parents let me make my own decisions. again i say, i was 18 at that time. how should i know which is the right decision, i mean the choice will affect my whole life. i don't get how you're supposed to make a decision sooooo big at the age of 18. honestly, i'm not much of a rebel, and i was pretty clueless back then, i didn't think i would object if they made me take another major. but well, what's done is done. it was my fault too for not looking things up more. but again, how should i know. 4 years in college and i've just learned that it's THIS tough to get a job and earn a decent living.

in a nutshell, i don't think i have the skill to apply for a job in my area, but if i apply for a job in another area i will lose to people who actually majored in things related to that job.
i feel that i will never in a million years get a decent-paying job if i only rely on the degree that i have now. so i feel the need to have a masters degree, BUT in order to obtain that, i will need at least 2 years of experience.

sooooo, i am kind of stuck between a loop here. i need a job, but i will need a better degree for one. to get a degree, i will need a job first.

well, there are a lot of degrees that don't require work experience, but what worries me the most is that i can't afford to pay for a masters degree and i don't have what it takes to earn a scholarship.

so right now i am stuck as stuck as i can get. seriously. there is nothing much i can do really.

i'm i can't just stand here and cry over spilt milk, i have thought of a few things to make things right. i hope you don't mind me sharing them here.
1. i'd like to go to china and study business chinese for a year. i will go back, try to find a job and work there for 2 years, see what comes up from my job.
2. i'd like to go to china and study business chinese for a year and then i will apply to a pre-master at UK and then apply for a masters degree.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I'm not bright, my grades are so so, my degree is very vague and won't bring me anywhere. I have no work experience, i've applied to lots of companies and none have called me back, i dont have any confidence that i will get to any worthy graduate school. I am so not ready to face the world and i'm wondering whether or not i ever will be.

Monday, July 16, 2012

I hate the fact that i have to put up for four year a decision i made when i was 18 and didn't have a clue about the world. i hate the fact that i'm probably not going to move out of my parents house until i'm 28. i hate the fact that i have no confidence in getting to a decent university. i hate the fact that i don't know a single student from my major with a GPA lower than mine. i hate the fact that i'm the only person that has to take an extra semester so that i don't graduate with a shitty GPA. i hate the fact that i'm already 4 years into this crap and that there is no more turning back. i hate having to spend every single night regretting the choices i've made. no, no quotes will make me feel better. a few days a go i read, "don't regret the decisions you've made because they are the reasons you are the person you are now." well, if i had taken a much smarter decision, i would be a so much better person. I can't fucking work anywhere 'cause i still have i crappy month of a semester. i hate the fact that my choices are limited because i will have to marry and get kids one day. i hate the fact that i'm already ready to move more than anything but everything around me is friggin' standing still, holding me from moving forward. i hate the fact that i am seriously dumb. i hate the fact that 1 decision had turned out so bad and ended up making me reluctant to make any other decisions. i hate that i'm 22 but live is no difference from i was back in high school.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

so i'm in my last year of college, my last month of college actually. i'll be having my final test on the 25th of july and if i pass than i'm eligible to receive a bachelor's degree. but things have been pretty rough the last four years. college wasn't fun, it wasn't what i had in mind, things pretty much sucked.
i love my friends, i love my campus life but other than those 2, everything else was pretty much crap. i'm not really proud of my achievement through college. i was once 'terancam di-DO' and now, i'm currently terancam lulus dengan IP 2 koma. well looking on the brightside, i guess i'm luckier than a lot people who didn't get to finish college and stuff, but everyone has different measures of failures and success. being in college and terancam DO dan lulus ipk 2,99 is NOT what i expected to happen. i consider it a failure. i know it could've been worse, and i know it's actually not that bad but i to me, it is. I don't let shit like this happen to me. ever. but i guess i was caught off guard and tripped somewhere a long the way.
which makes me think,
this is only the first step, and i've failed. to be extremely honest, i am HORRIFIED to continue my studies to graduate school. i've failed once, i can't guarantee that i won't fail again. i'm MORTIFIED to choose what major i should take for my master's degree cause one more wrong step and i could fall into another hell-hole.

people say, you will regret the thing you didn't do more than the thing you actually did. this is truer than true. when i was in a state of terancam di-DO, i considered transferring to another major. i thought long and hard and i believed that it was a really good decision, one i wouldn't regret nevertheless. but there were soooooooo many what ifs, there were so many, ah nekad ah, ah klo ga keterima tp keburu keluar dari sastra cina gmn, ah tp tanggung ah. i swear the last one was the most annoying out of my many thoughts, tanggung my ass, there was still a year and a half i had to cope with, looking back, i would never have called it tanggung. then in the end i decided to stay and fight, fight for my grades, fight for what i have been fighting the last 3 years, fight for my remaining year and a half in a major i loathe.

now, i'm almost graduating and i admit that to fight and make my way through was the stupidest decision ever. if i had transferred to another major (i was aiming for business administration) i would have learnt something new, i would've been able to get a decent job, i would've been able to graduate with 2 specialties. i would then, move to china to learn more chinese and there i go, the live i could've had but chose not to. it's true what i recently saw in 9gag. shoulda-woulda-coulda, hiding from one little did.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

back in august, when i was in seoul, i met kibum in a place called dakeya. i love the place so much. so so so so sooooo much. everything about it is so nice. the atmosphere is nice, the food is GREAT and the people who work there are all very nice and the people who come there are awesome.

i've always wanted to go back there one day. i wen't there everyday when i was in seoul. i remember the very very first time going there. i was sooooooooo overwhelmed. i'm finally in the place where kibum often visits. and there were photos and autographs of famous kpop stars all over the wall. i wassssss soooo happy. kibum was there, after school was there. i just have the wish of being lucky enough to see them all come. they have the best kimchi bokumbab and rice bowl. and super spicy jjampong ramyeon.

i remember seeing kangin and i was like woooaaaaa. this is the first time i've seen a celebrity up close and not on some event where i'm surrounded by other fans. i remember hearing sumin calling kibum to come to dakeya but kibum couldn't make it. i remember FINALLY meeting kibum in dakeya and him coming up to my table and having a conversation with me and ajeng. i remember every fucking detail that night. how kibum looked, the words he said. aaaaaah i'd give to experience that again. i'd do anything seriously.

a few days ago, i heard that sumin-ssi (the owner) was going to close down dakeya. it's soooooo sad. i always wanted to go back to dakeya whether or not i meet kibum again. i want to relive that night. to remember every single detail that happened that night sitting on the exact seat i sat on back then. drinking the same drink. ordering the same food. it was such a happy place. i don't know the reason for it being closed down. it could be anything. but sumin's tweets have been seriously sad :( the saddest was

"in 2 hours time, dakeya will disappear"

"1-6-2010 dakeya opened, 16-1-2012 dakeya closed down." and he twitpic his picture sitting in the steps to dakeya.

it's so depressing aarrgghhh. and just now he tweet

"in 1 hour, dakeya will disappear"

Ajeng and agis took a lot of pictures of dakeya back when we were in seoul. i'll post some of them.

thank you for taking such awesome pictures you two!

dakeya, sumin-ssi, it's been great knowing you! i hope new dakeya will open soon and it'll be as awesome as the gangnam dakeya we all love :)