Ramona Thompson

Free Turd - Poem by Ramona Thompson

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Parody of the classic rock song Free Bird

If I crap this out todayWill I still be so damn constipated tomorrow? For I have to know if it's ok for me to go right now'Cause there's been so much pain that I've been through tonight....but if I keep it here inside of meI wonderWill it all remain the same? 'Cause I want it to be a free turd now and this turd I feel is my faultI'm to blame for this smelly shameI'm to blame for this smelly shameI'm to blame for this smelly shameLord knows, I should never have eaten that last piece of chocolate fudge layer cake

Say bye-bye smelly, it's not been a sweet loveOh God how I wish how I was feeling right now I could changePlease don't let it tear me apart inside too badlyEven through the lord knows I am to blameI'm to blame for this smelly shameI'm to blame for this smelly shameI'm to blame for this smelly shameLord knows, I should never have eaten that last piece of chocolate fudge layer cake

Lord, I'm so ashamedCos I know I'm to blameSo won't you please get this piece of crap outta me? Won't you please free my turd? Yeah.....!