Twelve year-old Michel's freaking out as his snotty little cousin has gone missing from the garden. He sticks his head through a hole in the fence and is sucked into a giant vortex where he ends up in an infinitely long and mysterious corridor, with doors leading to many strange worlds. He also meets a pompous, food-obsessed, talking dog called Duke who happens to be searching for his equally fat brothers. Together they go on an adventure to hunt for their missing relatives, unaware that they are also being hunted by an evil villain who has a dandruff problem.

. . . . . . . .

Author Quiz interviews Elias Zapple...

What's the best and worst thing about being an author?
The best thing is undoubtedly the adulation and hero worship of my adoring public. However, it does mean that the occasional worshipper tramples all over my cabbage patch, ruining cabbages I had planned to hurl at my neighbour, Dieter. This is the worse thing, if it wasn't clear.

Jellybean The Dragon

Where did the inspiration for your first novel, Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor, come from?
As I slept in my four-poster bed, I was rudely awoken by some strange barking. I rushed downstairs to the parlour to see an adorable Basset Hound staring at me with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. He opened his mouth and said nothing because he's a dog and cannot speak, not like us tulips. However, it got me thinking. What if he could speak, what would he say? I went back to sleep, after having kicked the Basset Hound out of the house, and the entire book of Duke & Michel: The Mysterious Corridor came to me, page by page, word by word.

If you could choose someone famous to record your book in audiobook format, who would you choose as the voice and why?
I would choose Peter Sellers. Unfortunately, he's dead so some kind of seance would be in order followed by a resurrection.

If you could invite one character from your novel to a dinner party who would it be and why?
Naturally, I would choose Duke as he would annoy, insult and anger everybody at this dinner party causing them all to leave early and allow me to be on my own again. I detest dinner parties and social gatherings. This is why I surround my house with cabbages.

Duke And Michel: The King Tingaling Painting

Do you have any useful marketing tips for other authors?
Yes, I do. Court one of the head honchos at Amazon and work your way into their affections then get them to promote your book heavily. If they deny you, grow some cabbages and hurl them at that horrible head honcho.

If you worked for a publishing house, what sort of books would you be looking to publish?
Books that were written by Elias Zapple and books that were titled 'Duke & Michel'.

What strategy do you use for getting reviews?
I track down potential reviewers and threaten them with my cabbages. They soon cave in until I've wandered away and then they call the police and try to get me arrested. Luckily, I have nimble feet and am super fast due to the amount of cabbages I eat. You should see me when I run, my hair looks fantastic, blowing in the wind.

Can you remember the moment when you logged into your author account and discovered you had made your first sale?
I cannot remember the exact moment as I was exceedingly intoxicated at the time, however, I do remember the aftermath. Papers were strewn everywhere, books scattered around, windows smashed and bookcases burnt to a crisp. The biggest casualty of my severe elation and subsequent intoxication was my bloody, battered and sliced to pieces pet slug, Steve. Killed by my apparent sudden urge to mow the lawn. Steve still hasn't forgiven me.

Nicu The Littlest Vampire,
the latest book from Elias Zapple.

What advice would you give to a new author who has just finished writing their first novel and is unsure as to what steps to take next?
First steps to take would be to leave your house for the first time in months and breathe in the fresh, clean, toxic air. Remember, put on plenty of sunscreen as your skin will be pale white and unused to the sun's rays. Next, I would speak to a few people to get your vocal chords working again. After which I would do a massive free promo and give your book away to as many top Amazon reviewers as possible. I can be sensible, if only for a few sec... If they refuse, get ready with the cabbages.

Who do you see as your target audience?
Children, mad people and mad children.

Duke wandered over to a used chocolate wrapper that was by the side of the road and sniffed at it.
“Empty. Just my luck.”
“What’s empty?”
“Besides your head?”
Michel went over to Duke and picked up the chocolate wrapper Duke was sniffing at.
“Chocomallo!”
“I didn’t know you could read,” Duke said, as he had a lie down.
“This is Romain’s favourite chocolate bar. He always has one on him.”
“Only one? Selfish boy. He should always carry two. Never know when you might meet a very hungry Basset Hound.”

Author Quiz on Bloggers.com

About Me

Charles Fudgemuffin is the author of the critically acclaimed 'Remember to put the bins out' note. Other less notable works include the alien comedy 'How To Save The World' books, and the free short story 'Small Pots Also Have Ears'.