Saturday, 1 August 2015

Sky Sports have revealed that they "don't care" about losing La Liga broadcasting rights to rivals BT Sport because they "don't like La Liga anyway, it's so 2010".

BT Sport famously entered the sports broadcasting arena two years ago when they decided that the perfect union of football and Sky Sports that had worked for the previous 20 years needed to be ruined.

A spokesman for Sky Sports said this:

I don't care if they take La Liga off us because the Ere Divisie is really were it's at. Who needs Iniesta when you can watch a team from a town you thought was in Belgium draw against another one you haven't heard of. That's what real football is about.

Having already won joint custody of the Premier League, a judge then ruled in favour of BT Sport getting the Champions League rights this season. Things have since taken an unexpected and sour turn as Sky Sports reportedly refused to turn up to a hearing about paying football rights support, and will now only be able to visit La Liga on alternate weekends.

BBC wouldn't give comment because they were too busy employing teenagers to run their social media accounts. You won't believe what happened next.

Leigh Griffith's, father of crime, patiently waited until the 4th minute of the SPFL opening day, where you can buy a sofa at four years interest free credit, before scoring a penalty. Referee Willie Collum spoke after the match:

I was bored of Ross County pretending they were going to try and win, so to speed things up I just awarded Celtic the first of the 28 penalties they'll get this season. I have no idea if it was actually a foul or whatever but I mean come on.

SPFL officials waited until the second goal in 35th minute before carving Celtic's name onto the trophy and handed it over to the club chairman, Paddy McStuckinthePast along with a giant cheque for the amount of "however much you need".

League rivals Aberdeen kick off their campaign for second on Sunday against Celtic's feeder club, Dundee United, whose ambitions this year include selling any players that turn out to be quite good, and taking money from fans in exchange for keeping several club employees in work.