5 INNER DIALOGUES THAT TOOK PLACE IN MY BRAIN THIS WEEK: PART II

This week’s wisdom through observation is an ode to the thoughts that are left publicly unexpressed…until now.

Oh, you’ve never seen me here before? I’ve been working here for three years, so who the hell are YOU? QUE ES LO QUE SE CREE ESTA BABOSA? So…she’s been filling in one day a week for a few weeks and she thinks she could talk to me like that? You want me to what? FETCH you something? People’s imaginations are special. I never understood how one could create such an intricately decorated sense of entitlement in such a short amount of time. What’s even more baffling is how they wear it with no problem. They wear it like it’s an Alexander McQueen jacket that was gifted to them from the man himself. Or a pair of Jordans that they camped out with nothing but water and Ritz crackers before they could buy them. NO, booboo. That “jacket” is fake and those “Jordans” were stolen. Take a seat. As a matter of fact, fetch ME something.

Boy, ‘I have a growing queue of things I know will make you laugh and I don’t know where to put them.’ I couldn’t have said it better myself. Your favorite song came on Pandora and I got angry at myself for singing along. A couple of days ago I was scuffling through my sweatpants drawer and there was one of your t-shirts - staring at me - taunting me. Instead of throwing it away as I should have done eons ago, I tucked it back into the far right corner of the drawer, just as I continuously do with you over and over again.

Stop Instagraming your pay stub. Stop hashtagging your parental duties. Stop posting screenshots of your mediocre grades. Stop flaunting your rent due date. Stop showing us the obvious. Let me decide when something you’re doing is deserving of a round of applause. You’re lucky if you get a pat on the back from me. Working, raising a child you created, getting passing grades in school, and having shelter are things that one is supposed to do. Since when is regular celebration merited?

Oh, hello again Twitter. Oh, how comforting. I haven’t missed anything. You’re still a forum for people who think they know it all, people who retweet those people because “YASSSS,” people who publicly display affection for their baes, people who hate on the bae PDA, people who congratulate the bae PDA because they also have a bae, sad people who tweet sad things, mad people who tweet mad things about the sad people, promoters of parties nobody goes to, people asking ‘where the party at,’ guys calling girls all sorts of fun things for tweeting sexually, guys venerating photos of girls with prosthetic backsides, people who post for attention, and everything in between. So happy to be back. What are we watching on the Twitter couch this week?

Do I really need these lipsticks, 2 nail polishes and cream blush? What if I have all of this on and it causes someone to compliment me on my lip shade as we’re waiting for our double shot skim lattes? What if we engage in a conversation about beauty products and I just so happen to slip mention of my blog in the convo? What if they’re amazed by my witty sense of humor after they’ve gone home and read every post and e-mail me with a job offer? What if I work for them for years and end up as Editor-In-Chief or CEO of something wonderful? It would be because that person complimented the lipstick I am about to buy. Where is checkout…