Yes… The cursing is mild, but it’s better not to curse at kids (even if it’s not directly). It’s not so much the words, but the fact they reveal she’s losing her temper with Amanda a little. But we parents are human, and Andi is new at this game. Doing pretty well considering that and her first experienced with parenting is with a kid who’s been through hell.

Actually, I was debating whether this is her first experience parenting, or whether it was her actually having her baby and deciding to let mom handle the hard part and agree it was right to give the kid up and lie to her man, but I guess that falls under dumb life moments more than bad parenting. I dunno.

I did too, but Amanda’s ‘I don’t wanna go anymore’ implies she did at one point want to, and I have a feeling that when they do bring her to therapy they’ll have to drag her kicking and screaming. Possibly literally.

Nails/spa/self spoiling or care is always great, but someone who needs help strengthening their mental core may need a little (or a lot) more help from a professional to “bounce back” or even have a good healthy place to begin at.

Not… the most graceful way to handle the conversation, but well done Andi. Although she ignored getting to the bottom things… I wondered if the appointment was a therapy thing, but it’s probably not, since they were doing a mommy daughter thing and I wouldn’t imagine therapy would be that.

Hopefully someone, somewhere eventually asks Amanda why she hates Selkie and doesn’t just give up when she says just because… someday.

In fairness to Andi, I can understand not taking the time to immediately get to the bottom of it if there’s some kind of appointment scheduled. In a perfect world, sure, appointments can be canceled or rescheduled, but in this less than perfect world we live in (and, from the look of things, the world Andi et al inhabit), a lot of times canceling an appointment with less than 24 hours of notice means paying for it just the same. So I’ll be looking forward with interest to seeing if and how this gets revisited when they’re on less of a time crunch.

To be fair, ‘she’s weird and gross’ is, to a child, at least, a perfectly valid reason to hate and bully someone. People tend to forget in all that ‘innocent child’ malarkey that kids are cruel to anyone who doesn’t fit the ‘normal’ mold. Granted, the fact that she got adopted before Amanda certainly didn’t help, but yeah.

This is actually a very good point to tie into the ‘racism’ argument. For all Amanda knows, Selkie’s difference is a sickness, even if it’s more of one than just a ‘skin condition’. ‘Weird and gross’ is specifically something to throw at sick/disabled kids. I was ‘weird’ because I’m autistic and couldn’t quite pick up and live up to social norms; other people can have physical deformities or behaviors like drooling that make them ‘gross’.

The underlying problem with Amanda’s attitude, and thinking that it’s okay to insult Selkie for her ‘wrongness’ is way more in line with ableism than racism.

Therapy is not a magic bullet. A therapist is not a wizard and doesn’t have mind control. At best, they are a trained professional with compassinate attitude and lots of experience with things like these, but still a stranger and an outsider to the situation. They can’t have a therapist oversee every single meeting of Amanda and Selkie (unless they decide to only bring the two together at therapy sessions). At worst, a therapist can be incompetent, prejudiced and even more ignorant than the kids’ parents themselves.

They can very much go to therapy and have it be part of the story. It won’t, however, necessarily be a positive development.

Todd can’t even get to the bottom of Selkie’s anger currently. I doubt Mr. Oblivious is gonna do much better with Amanda unless Andi or more likely, Mari, spells it out for him. Andi at least got closer than anyone else has.

I like Todd. I just don’t like how oblivious and inconsiderate he is to others at times. It’s a flaw, which makes him more human and I enjoy that, but it’s a flaw I have a hard time justifying. During Andi’s entire pregnancy he was oblivious to her feelings because he was so caught up in his own. He’s doing the same thing to Selkie now. Andi, regardless of how horrible her lie was, did it out of fear, which can at least be rationalized and explained. Not excused, but at the very least explained. Todd, however, becomes oblivious to the people around him because he’s currently happy, therefor everything else must be fine. There’s no rationality in that, just ignorance and inconsideration for others. Even if it’s not on purpose, it’s still very annoying and could be avoided simply by paying attention to others.

True, but, just like it takes two to tango, it takes two to communicate. Andy was mutely broadcasting despair while Todd was outwardly projecting enthusiasm so loudly, he was blind to her inner agony. She should have spoken up, increased her volume/attempt to communicate. She did not in the flashbacks. She was too afeared a’ losin’ Todd. You need to realize your significant other’s faults and help them past them or at least hold their hand through things at times. It’s what being a partner is all about. It’s part of being an adult. I still see her lack of outspokenness and inability to trust their relationship as a great weakness in Andi as a teen but her biggest mistakes were waiting so long to tell everyone Amanda was still alive and she knew exactly where she was but still didn’t tell Todd she’d reclaimed their daughter… I dunno. It still, to me, seems like that was the sleaziest moment for her. I guess conniving is a better word. She doesn’t seem like that now but she did before, right up to the confrontation at the aquarium. After Todd told her off, she seemed to change a bit. I have lost track of how much time has passed actually between then and Christmas, though…

I’m aware what Andi did is terrible. I’m aware she, as far as we know, stayed silent in her sorrow. The thing I’m saying is Todd is oblivious because he’s happy and therefore everything else must be great because he feels great. It’s a flaw I find to be very, very bad. Because it’s being ignorant to everyone around you just because you’re too happy to notice. Selike was VISIBLY very unhappy. Anyone could see it. Hopefully Todd realizes later on the parallels to this and how he ignored Andi and her feelings and that he apologizes for it. And I’ll cut him some slack that he never knew how Andi felt because no one ever told him, but now that this has happened he damn well better pay more attention to those around him. Especially towards Selkie.

I would have liked her to sit down and also explain why the name calling is bad and unacceptable – in addition to the ultimatum of course, there should be consequences if she keeps it up but she should also know why.

Amanda needs to know this isn’t just a case of arbitrary “mom laws” but because her actions are actually hurting people and that’s what she’ll be getting punished for.

I think the ‘mom law’ is referencing their appointment not the issue of her behavior.

To be fair, there are times that allowing the kid (and adult at times)to cool off before approaching an argument/issue again is the best course of action, otherwise it may spiral out of control and Amanda may clam up, shut down and put up more walls which will make the issue harder to resolve.

@Mikael: in theory, i AGREE with your first paragraph, but … to be blatantly simpleminded here… WHY is name-calling bad and unacceptable?

remember, that terrible question you always had for YOUR parents… WHY?!… OK, now explain it to Amanda in words and concepts that she can understand, and still NOT sound like “because I SAID SO, OR ELSE!!” to her…

it’s like trying to describe WHY you like chocolate ice cream vs vanilla… WHY? because the flavor is great… WHY is the flavor “great”?… because it’s blah, blah, blah… ok… WHY is it?… until finally you get fed up with the “WHY’S?” and flip out and scream at them… BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!”…

My experience as a parent: When my child asks why, I answer with a knowledgeable and complete response and make sure they understand. I even ask them do they understand why they got punished or why this is wrong, etc. I think is important to do so and rarely use the “because I said so” card. I just don’t believe it’s a good practice.

At some future point? Some calmer moment? Yes, absolutely. Bring the subject up again and say, “Look, kiddo, here’s why you’re not allowed to pick on people.”

Right now? It’s enough that she’s laid down the law, and then continued on to the activity Amanda had been looking forward to. That says better than words, “I’m still your mom, you’re still my daughter.”

Will a simple ultimatum like this do the trick, like flipping a switch? No, of course not. Kids aren’t machines. It’s a first step in the right direction, though. Enough for one day.

My evaluation of Andi’s parenting right is on the positive side.
Definitely not the most effective, but to be honest, Andi was very ill-equipped to be a parent and even compared to earlier clumsiness with it, she’s improving and being a better parent than a lot.
She’s not really giving Amanda what she really needs, but she’s also giving her some of the tough love + attention that she does need.