The reason I chose so post this here instead of in the relationships category is simply because being a black male in the dating world isint nessisarily hard but more of a confusing situation but this observation is something that I have gAtherd over my few years walking the Earth. I live in ohio and for the most part I live in what most would call the ghetto so some of my observations are misguided and maybe wrong but once again this is only what I see and can draw from.

So here goes. . .I am a24 year old fulltime college student and when it comes to women I am either clueless or over anylitical, I dont really know what is but I hope people on this website can help me figure it out. So I will begin with my own problems that I see. I have been known to be a stern straight forward person and being anylitical makes this really hard for me cause as much as I want to tell it like it is I see things from alot of angles all the time.

For Example I love to learn about pretty much every thing such as music. One of my favorite composers is an artitst named Nobuo Uetsemu. When I hear music by this person I have to know what instrument at what point in time is being used how the sound I am hearing is being produced. How that particular sound effects my over all feeling of the song and what he is trying to get acrossed in that particular song.

That is just something I do every day when it comes to solving problems im the same way details details details is what is important to me. This makes things hard when I am trying to resolve an arguement because of how I need every piece of informstion that I can get before I can even speak on it. This causes my mind to be in a perpetual state if wonder I question every thing all the time I dont know why I cant shut it off.

There are times when things should be let go or are un solveable but when that happens I go in to overdrive and I have to keep digging till I get some closure.

Now that you have a general insight as to how my mind works I can explain the problems that a young black man such as my self has when it comes to dating. When I see a woman before I begin to approach there is a pause where I do a quick analysis of whom it is i am getting ready to approach.

The first thing I notice is how she stands a lazy stance is no redflag but I notice it. Next thing is how she speaks now living where I do these women act as if they have no grasp on the english language wich is a deal breaker for me. Ebonics is not a language to me and I dont accept the fact that a woman speaks it. I mean in the context of comedy its cool hell I do it in the context of comedy. Then there Is the walk now Im all about showing off the assets but walking like you have a stick in your behind is not attractive. In general the whole ghetto attitude as kinda ruined it for me when it comes to black women for now.

Not that I am saying it is only black women who portray these things. But this is what I see.

I have tried to not focus on these things but when I just gave them up and began talking to these set women I get aggrivated cause I can never get in to a good conversation. In all honesty I just hate the attitude, these women think they are worth something and havent hearned anything. They think that cause they got an apartment or a house from the government that is doing good. I get bashed for staying with my parents while I finish my last year of school. I work I go to school I pay more than half of the bills in the house including rent. Wich is more than all of the bills payed in government housing,

Am I wrong for this? The men around dont make it any better they continually perpetuate the "Nigga" stereo type. Wich makes it hard for a guy like me who does not enjoy the stereo typical black guy stuff. I just need to understand if there is something wrong with me or if i am right in my observation or something.

Being single is not fun for me any more and I would like to have an understanding of all the things I may be wrong about. Is there something Im not getting, Do I Have to be that stereotype. Or is it just me in general.

Do I need to move after graduating or something I am thinking of relocating anyway, any aadvice? help anything would be nice. and thank you for reading.

1Comment

Hello, SimplyQuasar86.
The first thing I would recommend is holding off on dating until you graduate and/or relocate. Also, wait until you are in a position to socialize with people you like & who may know ladies you could be interested in.
One other thing that stood out to me is that you describe your current neighborhood as "ghetto". While I have met several "ghetto scholars", you don't sound like that type so it puzzles me why you would even consider the local females for a relationship. Also, I'd like to point out that the attitudes and behaviors that you've noticed and highlight as repugnant tend to be linked more to socioeconomic status than race. How do I know? I live in an area that is mixed with white shift workers and white hipsters. I am one of the ONLY BW I have ever seen in my neighborhood and let me tell you, when I go out locally I see and hear things from white people that are more generally associated with poor black people.
My point is that you need to seek out people who are more on your level, intellectually; forget about the welfare queens- they come in all the colors of the rainbow, not just black. Seek out PEOPLE who you like for who they are, not for their skin color. Trust me, there are intellectual, happy, approachable (black, white, asian, etc.) young ladies out there that would love to meet you.
I hope this helps you. Good luck!