Post #134 – Powering Through

I made a slight miscalculation and as a result got myself into a bit of an emotional rut. Fortunately, I did bounce back after a week or so. But it was a wake-up call to me to take things a little easier during this situation.

One of my weaknesses in life is pushing too much heart, mind, and soul into something. Then again, this is also a strength from a certain point of view. The more I want something to succeed, the more emotional resource I pump into it. If the project pays off, it pays off big time and the emotional return is enormous. On the other hand, a failure or a not-so-sparkling outcome can have quite the detrimental effect on me. In short, I gamble with my emotions.

My Last Post: A Mini-Breakdown

To keep my mind focused on something I decided to work on a little project; Yui potentially having dyspraxia. I had a good outline for her and everything was clicking together rather nicely. It wasn’t as simple as I imagined though, it turns out. As I did my research and re-watched several parts of the show back extra ideas kept flooding in to me. Slowly and surely the list began to grow and grow even more. With this, more ideas began to sprout!

While I wasn’t working on the post 24/7, if I had a spare moment it would be to think of any tweaks or extras I wanted to do on the post. I had a healthy control of this post and it didn’t consume me, it was nice to keep my mind focused on something constructive and light in all this turmoil and darkness. I built a routine where I would do different things throughout the day like doing things for my blog, listening to music, chilling out, and having a short walk every day.

The Other Factors

There were certain stresses happening in recent weeks, which I don’t want to go into the nitty-gritty detail here, and while it was draining and concerning I was still in full control of my emotions. I launched myself onto another little project which was to create a quiz for my Cub groups to do over Web-chat.

Honestly, I got myself a little worked up about it, but I was still in control and didn’t breakdown. When it came to the night of the quiz it went swimmingly and without a hitch. Thrilled to bits I used this little boost of enthusiasm to finish off my Yui post. The next day I did my final check and uploaded it.

It was at that moment that it felt like I hit a concrete wall. Demotivated and drained, I felt completely wiped out. Seemed the past few weeks had finally caught up with me.

Creative Outlet

Many people have creative outlets, whether it’s drawing, making things, painting, colouring, or – in my case – writing, to name a few. It’s good to do something constructive with the free time that you have. It’s also good to just use the time to chill out and focus on your own mental health.

It was an unusual low for me which I’m chalking up to a kind of ‘Post-blog post depression’ feeling. With my own ‘little’ project completed it was saddening not only because I had reached the end but because I now had a space in my routine and thoughts.

This raw mental state left me with a bit of anxiety and I needed to ground myself. I decided I needed to do something constructive to set my mind to. So I looked over my blog, see what I could do next.

I decided I wasn’t happy with my dyspraxic character cards, they had glaring flaws. There was also the way I formatted them, they were tricky and a real headache. With all these things, I decided they absolutely needed reworking. Well, it’s kept me focused on something light and I really like how they turned out this time.

What’s Next?

With these recent events it has confirmed that I am handling this situation extremely well but I’m not immune to it all. If I’m not careful this whole ordeal could break me apart from the inside. For the last few weeks, I’ve been building my mental state back up. Listening (and buying) some music, watching light-heart stuff, and taking things as a gentler pace. At the back of my mind I’m wondering what I should do next for my blog, but not letting it get me down if I can’t think of something.

Until the next time, hope you all stay safe and well! See you next post.