Smuggling Out Of Hell

Through ingenuity and chutzpah, one man saved lives in the Holocaust. His daughter tells how.

I am the child of Holocaust survivors. I belong to the generation that will always be overshadowed by the calamity of our parents. I belong to a generation of kinless childhoods, where we grew up without grandparents, numerous uncles, aunts, cousins and relatives who had perished, yet whose silent presence loomed in the background. I belong to a generation that has to face the horrors of the past, and bridge that past to an uncertain future.

I cannot explain Hitler nor can I make what happened go away. But I can remember and I must pass that memory on. I must remember the Nazis, their great evil, and their threat to my existence, my people, and humankind.

Only through our collective memory can we combat such demonic evil. I am a messenger, and I bear witness in the name of my parents' families and friends.

My father, Shammai Davidovics, taught me to fight for life. He could not speak about what happened to him during the war, nor of his family who perished. He kept a life-long self-imposed silence, which I painfully learned to accept despite my need to know.

Over the years, survivors and people he had saved would find us, and then I would hear their tales. It is only before his death that my father broke his silence and substantiated the stories my brothers and I had collected. And it was only then that he answered, painfully, some of our most heartrending questions.

Underground Forgery Ring

My father was born in 1912 to a chassidic family in Danilev (near Hust), a small Czechoslovakian town in the Carpathian Mountains. My grandma Gitle, after whom I am named (git=good=Tova), was said to be a cheerfully energetic thin wisp of a woman. She managed to bring into this world 14 babies, of whom 12 reached adulthood – eight sons and four daughters, with my father somewhere in the middle.

Like those around him, my father went to cheder (Torah school), spoke Yiddish, and led a religious life. Yet his curiosity and adventurous nature led him to seek knowledge in the big world outside the shtetl (village). He studied Hebrew and other secular subjects. At age 16, he was accepted to a German gymnasium (high school) in Berne, while he continued his Torah studies on the side as well. From there he joined the Czechoslovakian army, and then was one of the few Jews accepted to the University of Budapest.

He was fluent in 12 languages, had a PhD in sociology, and received rabbinic ordination.

By the end of 1943, when the German army invaded Hungary, he was fluent in 12 languages, had completed his PhD. in sociology, and had received rabbinic ordination from Beit Hamidrash Lerabanim in Budapest.

At the start, the Germans deported only those Jews who did not have Hungarian or Czech citizenship papers. Unfortunately, most Jews, especially those living in small villages, though having lived there for centuries, did not have such papers. My father and several of his friends organized an underground forgery ring, where they began producing forged citizenship papers and other necessary documents for Jews. They were financially backed by wealthy Jews, and worked with Raul Wallenberg, providing him with the needed documentation.

Master of Disguises

At this time my father also became a master of disguises, taking on various identities when necessary for his mission. Fortunately he looked Aryan, spoke a fluent German, and unlike some who could not see the writing on the wall, he believed that these times required desperate measures.

His exploits were described to us by several survivors of my father's hometown of Danilev, and were later corroborated by my father.

In those critical days of the German invasion, my father collected all the names of the Jews of Danilev without citizenship papers (half the town was related) and worked as fast as possible to forge those papers, several hundred in all. He knew that time was of the essence. It took almost five days to reach Danilev, and he knew the German army was now deporting Jews of nearby regions and would get to his hometown and family within weeks.

The entire town, including his family, had been herded onto cattle cars.

With papers in hand, he set out to Danilev in great haste. As he neared his region, he heard that the Germans had worked much faster than anticipated and had most probably reached Danilev. He arrived at his hometown too late. The entire population, including his family, had been herded onto cattle cars and the trains were about to depart. When my father saw the German soldiers guarding the trains and taunting his people, he realized there was only one thing to do...

On the scene arrives an impeccably dressed high-ranking German official. He walks with a quick sure gait and the self-confidence of a haughty personage. And he is furious. He approaches one of the guards, who immediately salutes him, and in harsh tones demands to see the highest-ranking officer in charge. He sends the guards scuffling off to obey his orders.

A perplexed and harried officer quickly appears, and thus ensues a humiliating scolding and berating of the mortified officer in charge. This inevitably draws the attention of those around. "Do you realize you have blatantly disobeyed and violated military orders?" yells the arrogant stranger as he slams a stack of papers in front of the officer.

This stranger was my father. The Jews who recognized him could not believe their eyes. On that day, through sheer chutzpah, he succeeded in reversing the decree. The Jews of Danilev were released from the cattle cars and returned to their homes (what was left after the looting, that is). They were now all legal citizens.

Where Can We Run?

Theirs was not a happy ending, however. The Jews were safe in Danilev for just one more year. During that time, on his occasional visits, my father tried desperately but in vain to convince his family and townsfolk to flee. He succeeded with but a handful of people, mostly teenagers. The others simply did not believe him. The things he said "will" happen, they argued "could not" happen. And besides, "Where can we run to?!"

He offered to get them forged gentile papers, and to help them escape to the forests, providing them with peasants' clothes. But to no avail. To them, such acts seemed too desperate. They felt they stood a better chance of surviving at home than in the forest.

He felt responsible for his family's death, feeling he might have saved them.

My father remembers begging his favorite brother Hillel to come with him. But when Hillel heard it would entail hiding his Jewish identity, he could not.

Almost a year later, the Jews of Danilev were again herded, and this time deported and murdered. This time my father arrived several days too late. There was nothing he could do by then. He was only able to reach one sister in time. Until his dying day, my father felt responsible and guilty for his family's death. He believed he should have been able to get through to them and somehow save them.

24-Hour Diplomat

When the Nazis occupied Budapest, they made an agreement with the Hungarian authorities, whereby the Hungarians would recruit a special police Hungarian force – called the Kishket – that would be in charge of taking care of buildings which the Germans gave political immunity to, such as the Austrian Embassy.

My father and several of his Jewish friends joined this force (as gentiles, of course, since Jews were not allowed). This way, they created an underground that could gather information about enemy activities. (Years ago, Yad Vashem had a life-size portrait of my father in his Hungarian Kishket uniform, as an example of Jewish underground activity.)

By then, Jewish citizenship papers were no longer good enough. My father obtained for my mother and her entire family gentile papers, and later when that became too dangerous, he hid them in an attic. He brought them food and provisions until the remainder of the war.

One day my mother came running tearfully to my father. Her mother (my grandma Cidi) and her uncle (Cidi's brother) had become careless and gone out of hiding for a bit. They were caught by German soldiers and taken to a concentration camp. My father must help.

He assumed the identity of the Austrian counsel, and entered the concentration camp.

My father found out exactly where they were detained, and with the help of his friends, organized an escape. He found out that the Austrian counsel (the Austrian representative in Hungary at the time) was leaving the capitol for a few days. My father assumed the identity of the Austrian counsel for 24 hours. He had friends in a Kishket police car wait outside the camp for him.

The "Austrian counsel" entered the concentration camp. He approached the officer in charge and with perfect Austrian German introduced himself. He was also in charge of the Swiss in Budapest, and said it had come to his attention that through some terrible error, two Swiss citizens had been wrongfully deported and now detained in this very camp. He held their papers in his hand.

The officer in charge said that was impossible, but my father insisted on checking it out, for he had personally promised their relatives he would attend to the matter.

So together they went from floor to floor searching for these citizens. On each floor, they announced the names of these citizens. And so they found my grandmother and her brother. They took them out, into the waiting police car, sped away, back into hiding.

My father sadly recalled as he walked through the camp, how many Jews begged and pleaded with him: "We too are Swiss citizens. We too are Austrian citizens. Help us." But he could do nothing for those unfortunate people, and he said he would never forget them.

Traveling Priest

One time in Israel, my brother Shmuel got on a public bus with my father. The driver took a look at my father, became very emotional, got up, hugged him hard, and began weeping and crying my father's name, "Shammai, Shammai." He refused to take payment, sat my father in the front seat, and as he drove began telling his tale to the astonished riders.

This bus driver told how my father – disguised as a priest – came and rescued a young chassidic boy, himself.

Apparently, my father's priestly disguise had become almost his second identity. It enabled him to travel from village to village for weeks at a time on, even entering concentration camps and thus saving lives.

How did this disguise come about? While attending university, he was required to remain in class during Christian prayers and theology classes. He learned his lessons well and was also fluent in Latin. This oddity later saved his life many times, and helped save others. God works in mysterious ways.

My father used his black graduation robe from rabbinical seminary as his priestly garb. He became a travelling priest, the kind that kept a special pouch with various relics and talisman, holy to the Christians and especially the peasants, and he knew how to perform the various rituals. He always had two "altar boys" to assist him, and he would pick them up here and there where he would find lost Jewish children. He would dress them in gentile clothes and teach them their prayers and duties, and they would travel together until he found a way out for them.

This particular bus driver was one of those he'd smuggled out of hell to Israel.

Left for Dead

One day, while my father was living with me in Jerusalem, someone called and asked if Dr. Davidovics was there. When I replied, "Yes," he insisted on coming over with his wife and son. They had just flown in from Hungary and when he entered our home, he ran excitedly to my ailing father, got on his knees and kissed his hands.

My father's eyes became red, as they do when he cries tearlessly – the closest he ever got to crying. Years earlier, my father had found this orphaned boy, neglected and frightened on the street. He took him in, washed him, fed him, dressed him, and got him new gentile identity papers. Then he took him to a Christian orphanage where he was cared for by nuns. My father told him: "Do as you are told, but never forget who you are. One day you will again live as a Jew."

And so it was. They regularly keep in touch and send us cards several times a year.

He was thrown onto a pile of other bodies, but through a miracle crawled away and lived.

Ironically, it was this priestly disguise that had almost left my father for dead. On one of his many trips to the concentration camps, as he forced himself to walk quickly past the human skeletons that were his people, he was seen by a neighbor from Danilev. The man was so overcome with joy that he yelled out, "Shammai! Shammai!"

My father tried desperately to signal to him to stop, but it was too late.

My father was taken, and now he too became an inmate. He was tortured and beaten and finally left for dead. His body was thrown onto a pile of other bodies, but through some miracle he crawled away from that hell and lived. He had marks all over his legs for the rest of his life, and sometimes he would get headaches where they had beaten him. But he never complained about anything.

The Holocaust was a tortuous time for the Jewish people. My father lived with these horrors for the rest of his life. He couldn't cry, because the smell of burning human flesh still came back to haunt him.

My father had done all he could to reverse the evil. For his family, his townsfolk, and the 6 million Jews, it was not enough.

About the Author

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 54

(54)
Chaya Weisberg,
May 21, 2014 6:35 AM

Lifesaving use of creativity and adaptability!

Thank you for sharing your fathers amazing story! We should all use our abilities to help others as your father so courageously did.

(53)
Maxine,
May 20, 2014 1:01 PM

humbling

what an amazing man who risked everything for his fellow human, a truly remarkable hero. What a honour to read this story, thank you. It brings home how that we do not do nearly enough for our fellow beings. Under the most horrific circustances he made a difference in the lives of others... perhaps one should take a second look at the lesson to be learnt here.

(52)
Anonymous,
August 12, 2013 10:05 PM

Humble

It took great courage for a man to confront evil in the concentration camp. Thank you for telling this story. I feel honor to have read this account of heroism.

(51)
Ruth Jones,
June 27, 2013 11:04 PM

As a Christian I am in awe of God's chosen people.

I was humbled and deeply touched by reading of this man's life. A humble, remarkable man whose life was worth so much. What spirit and brilliance and what love for his people.

(50)
Jewish Mom,
June 27, 2013 12:09 PM

He remained SILENT. So poignant.

I don't think that anyone with a heart of flesh can ever become inured to the agony that was the Holocaust. Your father did far beyond with brilliant ingenuity in order to save lives, but what he was left with was such searing pain at the thought of those whom he could not save that he could not talk about it and didn't even view himself as a hero. If not for others speaking up, this story of incredible heroism and self-sacrifice would never have come to light! I agree with many others that your father's story should be published as a book. It will surely be an ilui neshama for him (an elevation for his soul), as the inspiration would most definitely generate a Kiddush HaShem (a glorification of G-d). May you and your family carry on his legacy.

(49)
Laya,
June 27, 2013 10:27 AM

with thanks

thank you for sharing the story of your father's daring and courage. may it be a beacon of light for your family for all generations and may you all be a blessing for his name always.

(48)
Anonymous,
June 25, 2013 10:15 PM

Remarkable

There seems to be no end to the number of heroic stories that have come out of those times.

(47)
Barbara Finkelstein,
June 25, 2013 9:09 PM

What an incredible story

And what an extraordinary man. How blessed he is to have a daughter who helps carry the tale forward.

(46)
ruth housman,
June 25, 2013 8:06 PM

A Meaningful Life

This is a remarkable story, and if it were fiction, people would be gasping, at the drama, how a man could put on so many disguises and outwit others, in order to save lives. But this happened, and that makes this Super Remarkable, and a story of man who surely, was a Hero. Such heroic acts, and such sadness afterwards, that kept him silent, because he could only save some, and was witness to unconscionable acts, such suffering. He was a light, and remains a light.

(45)
ROBERT LOVELL,
June 25, 2013 7:59 PM

My wife has little family

her folks survived. No Grandmother no Grandpa, however she ISa Bubbie and the legacy will continue.

(44)
Simcha Arona,
June 25, 2013 6:56 PM

Bravest Hero

Because your Father was so humble, this is the first time I have heard of him. Please write a book about his life. He must be sitting in the front row with Moshe.

(43)
anon,
June 25, 2013 6:38 PM

Thank you for sharing

Please write a book and/or make a film, including all those who survived thanks to your father. There cannot be too many testaments to those who perished.

(42)
Ruth,
June 25, 2013 6:24 PM

Kol hakavod

Kol hakavod. May G-d bless the memory of your father And thank you For sharing his wonderful story.

(41)
Graham-Michoel,
June 25, 2013 6:00 PM

Thank you

Thank you for this wonderful, deeply moving, story. History is full of such amazing and brave people. We must know about them and our children especially must be taught about them. Is he a hero? Much more than a hero!

(40)
JL,
June 25, 2013 3:39 PM

May he rest in peace

How can we EVER thank those who gave of themselves so much? My heartfelt thanks and blessings to you and your family and your father, may he rest in peace.With my love.

(39)
JOSEPH TUCH,
April 19, 2012 2:47 PM

A VERY RARE INDIVIDUAL WHO NOW WALKS WITH HASHEM.

(38)
Debi Brand,
April 29, 2011 6:49 AM

Great story

Very much raw emotions and feelings,I wanted to cry for them

(37)
Audrey Williams,
January 28, 2010 10:43 AM

What a very brave and courageous man, his actions was admirable

If one had to give your father a medal for his bravery, I'd say there is not one proper fitting for this brave man. What medal could we give to oh such a one as he.

(36)
Dovid,
January 28, 2010 10:42 AM

father

i think your father was a very brave man

(35)
NIcole Sterner,
January 28, 2010 10:42 AM

I'm so sorry!

I am really sorry to hear that your father had to go through all of that. He was a very brave man. I think that your father is a hero! Your really lucky to have a father like that, in a way! But I don't know my father, and I wish I could say my father was a hero. Good luck with the rest of your lives!
Love,
Nicole L. Sterner, Meadville, Pa 16335

(34)
Beverly,
May 3, 2005 12:00 AM

Incredible man, your father....

It is stories like this that inspire me so greatly. What a wonderful gift from God your father was.

Are there more stories, more incidents of your father's quick thinking and chutzpah? If so, I would purchase his comprehensive biography in a heartbeat!!

Beverly

(33)
Ora Yellin,
May 2, 2005 12:00 AM

amazing

Dear Tova,
the most important to be told are the students in the school system !!!Good Luck !

(32)
susan,
May 2, 2005 12:00 AM

what chutzpah

Your father was a brave and courage person. We always hear that Jewsjust sat back and waited. But this personal history proves there were others who did the same. I would like to hear more of jewish courage as a girl i always heard we just sat backand waited and did nothing. But others who were not jews had the courage. I am glad for your story, but the horrors he had to live with for the rest of his life must have been horrible. What chutzpah!!!!!!

(31)
Talia,
May 2, 2005 12:00 AM

what a miracle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Father was one AMAZING person.
Thank G-d every day for the wonderful work that Shamai did! When you save one life, you save an entire universe!

(30)
heshy,
May 2, 2005 12:00 AM

you should try 2 write a book. this is an amazing story.

(29)
Gavriel,
May 2, 2005 12:00 AM

Wonderful story to read the night before leaving

for the March of the Living in Poland.

(28)
David S. Levine,
April 21, 2004 12:00 AM

A Great Man

Dear Tova:
You father was one of the GREATS of Jewish history. Frequently unsung and unrecognized he personally risked all for his fellow Jews. You rightfully write of him with pride and it is with a rightful sense of inferiority that I read his story. Personal courage is something we must all look into ourselves to find and all too often we don't. Thank G-d for the rare people who, like Shammai Davidowics, do!

(27)
Thomas Sebastian,
April 20, 2004 12:00 AM

Unbelievable

Dear Tova
You are prvilaged of being the child of a man of this stature although the situation that exposed his ingenuity and presence of mind is most condemtable I while condoling your loss of lives and suffurings at the hand of nazis congradulate and praise your father for his deep love for his people and his strong faith in God and love for human beings

(26)
Lt Col Larry Krauser,
April 19, 2004 12:00 AM

Never again

The Jews have been forced to live by their wits for over 20 centuries--this has kept us alive in the face of often overwhelming odds. The Holocaust has taught us to never again place our security, our survival, our futures in the hands of others.

(25)
Anonymous,
April 18, 2004 12:00 AM

i am very touched by this article and i believe that truly the Jews are very close to the heart of God. and that no man can succeed in exterminating this chosen race - Hitler was a failure and so will the rest. it is their faith that brought these Jews to survive even the most trying times and came out victorious. i have always admire the Jews and it is my fondest wish that i can visit Israel in the near future.

(24)
Anonymous,
April 18, 2004 12:00 AM

An amazing story

Never fails to amaze me how some stories of Jewish heroism are still coming to light so many years later. If they made it into a movie, however, it would not be believed.

(23)
Jack,
April 18, 2004 12:00 AM

Inspiring Example of Courage and Humanity

Some lives transcend into legends whose message to us is to emulate their valor and humanity. Here was a man not only gifted with outstanding courage but great compassion for his fellow man.
His story serves for all of us to try to
live up to these finest ideals.

(22)
Anonymous,
May 16, 2002 12:00 AM

How can words suffice to describe the soul of your father?

Tova

Your father performed miracles. Your father fulfilled a mission of saving life against all odds. You must be very proud of being his daughter. What a heritage you possess, your family and the generations to come from them.

Tova, what your father did, totally parallels as well as augurs the rebirth of Israel. To have this phenomenon as a family heritage is extraordinary.

Your father in saving lives made possible the generations to come from those Jews he saved.

To save a life - the preciousness of even a single life - represents the value the Jewish people have gifted to civilization.

We Jews have a spiritual heritage, which is the Torah. We Jews have a physical heritage, which is Israel. We are duty bound to honor both.
To be neglectful of one is to be neglectful of the other.

The consequences of neglecting either is the same as neglecting both. Such neglect to abide by the lessons conveyed in Torah has resulted in the debacle being endured now in Israel.

Everything requires upkeep - and if not heeded, lapses whether its standards of morality, the teaching of our children in the way of our fathers and mothers, or support towards the clear seeing of what our life is - and responsibilty towards its sustainance.

I too am a survivor child - though
I hesitate to saying so on here. What any soul is - is more than we can actually see no matter how dramatic the stories by which we ordinarily 'define' ourselves to others.

We seek definition of who we are by what we do - and realization through whom we love.

Your father did well, Tova.
Thank you for telling the story.

Am Yisroel Chai -

(21)
Jennifer Rudner,
May 12, 2002 12:00 AM

Outstanding, moving and horrific story

We must never forget. I am sure there are many stories such as this one and these stories must be told. Our children must always know from where they come and the strenght of their people

(20)
Tzvi Yankovich,
April 16, 2002 12:00 AM

Fascinating

Thank you Tova for a fascinating story of your father and his fellow citizens.I came across this story while looking for teaching material in English for high school students.
I was deeply impressed because I myself come from the Carpathian region (I lived in Hust for 13 years) and my parents are Holocaust survivors.

(19)
,
April 13, 2002 12:00 AM

Thank you

Thank you for your story of your father's courage and bravery.

(18)
BEN WINKLER,
April 12, 2002 12:00 AM

THANK YOU!

THANK YOU FOR SHARING HOPE TO FIND OUR INNERMOST POSSIBILITIES IF WE ARE JUST WILLING TO SEARCH FOR THEM!

(17)
SAM HEINZ,
April 12, 2002 12:00 AM

The Danilev Story

This is a very amazing and very touching true story. I seriously think that it should be made into a movie. Why not contact Steven Spielberg. I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes very interested in it.....

(16)
Anonymous,
April 10, 2002 12:00 AM

great article

I was very moved by this story. Thanks for sharing it.

(15)
Charlotte Frohlinger,
April 10, 2002 12:00 AM

Marvellous story of courage

This is one of the most amazing stories of one person's trials during the holocaust; of bravery and courage above and beyond the everyday. Yasher Koach!

(14)
Anonymous,
April 9, 2002 12:00 AM

As a gentile Christian I am humbled by the loving grace and courage of your father in such horrific times. As his daughter, I am sure you must stand in awe of a father who was a living testament of selfless love. Thank you for sharing this powerful story.

(13)
Rick Yates,
April 9, 2002 12:00 AM

Thanks!

Tova,
I appreciated reading about the heroic actions of your father. Like I keep telling my wife, "It is impossible to really care and do nothing". Your father could not stand the idea of "doing nothing". Therefore, by definition, he was a most unusual man - "he cared".

(12)
Anonymous,
April 9, 2002 12:00 AM

hey

this is a cool web site. wow has onformation

(11)
Yehuda Avi Shurtleff,
April 9, 2002 12:00 AM

Your father is truly a hero...

May HaShem bless such a blessed man and his family!

This is truly material worthy of a movie. I pray that someone from that world would hear of this story and document it to continue our rememberance.

(10)
millie katzen,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

moving story

After reading many moving accounts of rescue, this perhaps was the most moving "rescue" of all!

(9)
Anonymous,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

I am moved beyond tears

Having read the story of your father, I sit agape and astounded at his bravery, devotion, and courage. Hashem granted him success in saving so many lives!

We must remember that in Heaven, even his efforts (and those of others) that did NOT have earthly success--such as your father's attempts to rescue the residents of Danilev a second time-- ARE in reality "successes" in Olam Haemes, in the World of Truth. It is our purpose in life to TRY to accomplish good things, and your father is an inspiring examplar of this principle.

(8)
Jeffrey Potter,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

wow

With so much anguish, in such a terrible time, the more stories I read along the lines of your father, it pleases me beyond anything to see those who didn't sit down and watch their brothers and sisters bleed.

(7)
,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

incredible self-sacrafice

You should be very proud to have such a heroic father!

The custom is, when an important rabbi enters a room, you must stand to accord him honor. There are testimonies of Gedolei Yisroel who would stand upon greeting a Holocaust survivor.

Imagine the level of one who saved Jews - enabling them to be survivors - imagine what kind of reward awaits such a person and what level of honor G-d must accord such an individual!

Your father used his talented mind and genuine ahavas yisroel for a tremendous cause.

(6)
Anonymous,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

Thank you

I 'stumbled' across your site and just love it! I laugh and cry, thank you for the stories.

(5)
,
April 8, 2002 12:00 AM

What a beautiful horror story.

Thank you for sharing, where can I find out and learn more about this unique man.May his name be a blessing to all that were fortunate enough to know him.

(4)
Richard,
April 7, 2002 12:00 AM

This story is indeed a testament to the courage and sheer defiance in the face of evil.May the author's father rest in peace.

(3)
Anonymous,
April 7, 2002 12:00 AM

I do not know what to say that will be sufficient. Words seem meaningless, but I'll try. Kol HaKavod to your fatehr for all he did to save Jews from the horrors of the Holocaust. He who saves a life, it is as if he saves the entire world.

(2)
Anonymous,
April 7, 2002 12:00 AM

Heartrendering story

Thank the Almighty for men like your father that fought the evils of the Hitler regime.

(1)
Thomas Zeller,
April 7, 2002 12:00 AM

This story should become a movie so that Shammai's Life would become the Shammash of Shoah for all times!

Many of us have this sparse memory of family and seek desperately for an answer. The brown-tinted pictures of people who had once existed,we try to give life to the few who are born from us.Only the answer that this must never happen again is the important meaning to our lives.May G-d Bless our people for all times!
Shalom,
Thomas

I've been striving to get more into spirituality. But it seems that every time I make some progress, I find myself slipping right back to where I started. I'm getting discouraged and feel like a failure. Can you help?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Spiritual slumps are a natural part of spiritual growth. There is a cycle that people go through when at times they feel closer to God and at times more distant. In the words of the Kabbalists, it is "two steps forward and one step back." So although you feel you are slipping, know that this is a natural process. The main thing is to look at your overall progress (over months or years) and be able to see how far you've come!

This is actually God's ingenious way of motivating us further. The sages compare this to teaching a baby how to walk. When the parent is holding on, the baby shrieks with delight and is under the illusion that he knows how to walk. Yet suddenly, when the parent lets go, the child panics, wobbles and may even fall.

At such times when we feel spiritually "down," that is often because God is letting go, giving us the great gift of independence. In some ways, these are the times when we can actually grow the most. For if we can move ourselves just a little bit forward, we truly acquire a level of sanctity that is ours forever.

Here is a practical tool to help pull you out of the doldrums. The Sefer HaChinuch speaks about a great principle in spiritual growth: "The external awakens the internal." This means that although we may not experience immediate feelings of closeness to God, eventually, by continuing to conduct ourselves in such a manner, this physical behavior will have an impact on our spiritual selves and will help us succeed. (A similar idea is discussed by psychologists who say: "Smile and you will feel happy.")

That is the power of Torah commandments. Even if we may not feel like giving charity or praying at this particular moment, by having a "mitzvah" obligation to do so, we are in a framework to become inspired. At that point we can infuse that act of charity or prayer with all the meaning and lift it can provide. But if we'd wait until being inspired, we might be waiting a very long time.

May the Almighty bless you with the clarity to see your progress, and may you do so with joy.

In 1940, a boatload 1,600 Jewish immigrants fleeing Hitler's ovens was denied entry into the port of Haifa; the British deported them to the island of Mauritius. At the time, the British had acceded to Arab demands and restricted Jewish immigration into Palestine. The urgent plight of European Jewry generated an "illegal" immigration movement, but the British were vigilant in denying entry. Some ships, such as the Struma, sunk and their hundreds of passengers killed.

If you seize too much, you are left with nothing. If you take less, you may retain it (Rosh Hashanah 4b).

Sometimes our appetites are insatiable; more accurately, we act as though they were insatiable. The Midrash states that a person may never be satisfied. "If he has one hundred, he wants two hundred. If he gets two hundred, he wants four hundred" (Koheles Rabbah 1:34). How often have we seen people whose insatiable desire for material wealth resulted in their losing everything, much like the gambler whose constant urge to win results in total loss.

People's bodies are finite, and their actual needs are limited. The endless pursuit for more wealth than they can use is nothing more than an elusive belief that they can live forever (Psalms 49:10).

The one part of us which is indeed infinite is our neshamah (soul), which, being of Divine origin, can crave and achieve infinity and eternity, and such craving is characteristic of spiritual growth.

How strange that we tend to give the body much more than it can possibly handle, and the neshamah so much less than it needs!