Um excuse me? Shawn, you came and met ME this week…why are you blogging about men in kilts? No comprendo.

(Quick question here: Why do these men in such apparently dire need of female companionship spend all their time in intense strategy sessions with other men? Shawn, you were the EXPERT on the scene, so…enlighten me.)

But enough about me. Let’s talk about that dude.

First off, he was evasive in planning a meeting. We were supposed to hang out last weekend, he was going to call me, I waited on edge to show him the FUN and FLIRTY side of Los Angeles, and then after the weekend was over I got a message saying…A funny thing happened on the way to LA. I didn’t make it.

Eh? Either your airline is incredibly benevolent, or you just got killed on change fees & are being incredibly blase about it. Ergo, you must be a man of means. Suddenly I’m more interested…

THEN I get an email three days later: How’s your Tuesday night looking? Up for showing a couple of out-of-towners a good time?

I sorta-kinda have plans to visit my grandies, but decide against it. After all, Shawn is my long-lost colleague, and I am honor bound to show him a Good Time. (Though not the kind of good time you’re thinking, you dirty bird.)

Soon thereafter I get a call from an Unknown ID that turns out to be Shawn: “We are not in LA. We are in Pasadena. Maybe Thursday?”

Pasadena and LA are basically the same thing–and certainly Pasadena is equidistant to Hollywood from Hermosa, where I live. But I decide not to explain this, because I have been at a wine tasting in the OC and appreciate the opportunity to get some zzzs.

Wednesday morning around 9AM I receive a text message from a number that has never before messaged me : I am in LA!

Who is this? I almost ask. But then, through adding 2+2+2+#+Facebook+Thu-1, I am able to deduce that my long-lost Shawn is in town at last. At this point I don’t know whether he’s early or late or right on time.

Without further ado, I instruct Shawn and his mystery ‘friend’ (will it be a guy or a girl? Could it be Wingy?) to meet me at J Lounge downtown, where my friend’s friend is having a cocktail party. This seems to please him.

We are supposed to meet between 8-8:30PM–me with my friends, him with his. And this is where the universe and I gang up to deliver payback. At 8PM I’m still working, while my GFs are at LACMA doing arty shmoozy things. At 8:30 I’m working, Shawn’s arrived, my cell phone is 99% dead, and my friends are still at the art event.

I try to call Nadia from land line, but she is unwilling to talk. “Text me his number,” she tells me. Meanwhile Shawn texts me: “At least give me a clue what they look like.”

As I’m trying, my phone dies. I call him from the land line, give him her number, and hope for the best.

At 9:30 I roll into the bar to find 50 strangers in biz-casual clothes cackling away in loud Spanish at the bar, and two pale men in striped shirts looking uncomfortable at a table. As I’m peering around for Nadia, one of the men says…

“Are you looking for us?”

I glance at the man sitting quietly next to the speaker, and realize that I have found my cyber-partner in crime…

THEN what happened? You guess:

A) I discovered Shawn was really married

B) I discovered Shawn was really gay

C) Shawn and I fell in love and eloped to Acapulco, where we are now

D) Shawn and I fell in love, consummated things in the parking lot across the street, and then realized we didn’t really mean it & went our separate ways.

E) None of the above….

I’ll let you take it from here Boob Soup Attraction Coach Faceoff Person…