What a weird little mind I have

Top Ten Most Annoying Things in Existence

There are lots of things out there that annoy me. I am going to whittle that list down to the top ten most annoying things.

10. When people around you have the same alert sounds for emails or text messages, and you excitedly check your email or phone, only to find that you are uncool and unpopular and nobody wants to message you.

9. Car air fresheners that smell like new car. First of all the smell of “new car” smells like burnt cat hair and tar. Second, why would you want an old car to smell like a new car? It’s not a magical air freshener. It doesn’t remove rust and renew your engine. New car smell is the most ridiculous invention ever. I would pay to UN-scent my new car, if I had one.

7. Things designed so that stupid people (like me) hit their heads on them. Examples: low ceilings on staircases, hanging light fixtures over top of tables, railings in front of balcony seats at the theatre…etc. It is hard to top the annoyance of hitting your head because of your own stupidity and lack of general spatial awareness.

6. Slow walkers. Okay, let me be clear here. I understand every person has the right to walk at their own speed. I fully support that right. But if you are a slow walker, you need to a) walk in a straight line. If you meander I will likely mow you down accidentally as I try to maneuver around you, b) stay on the side of the path or sidewalk. This is almost like the rules on a highway. Slow moving people, keep right! c) not be in a group of other slow walkers. Groups of slow walkers are nearly impossible to get around and it gets harder to contain my annoyance levels the longer I have to try to get around you.

5. Menstruation. I won’t go in to details as we all know my thoughts on that subject.

4. Mosquito bites in-between the toes. Why why WHY do they always have to go for between the toes!? There is no way possible to avoid irritating the bite and causing it to itch dramatically more. Except maybe cutting off the toe. And believe me, I have been close. This one is part of a larger annoyance about mosquitos in general but I understand they are important to the eco-system or whatever. But in-between the toes is just pushing the boundaries of my acceptance of nature.

3. A cookie that looks soft and delicious but after you buy it, turns out to be hard and dry.

2. Little white fluffy dogs with underbites and faces that are dirty and brown and make it look like they have been eating poo. The worst thing about these dogs is how much their owners love them, and want to shove them in your face. Gross.

And finally, the number one thing that annoys me:

1. People who love to sing along. If I’m in the car, and you’re singing along to the radio, you’re annoying me. If you are at work, listening to your ipod, and singing along, you’re annoying me. If I am at a musical, and you are sitting behind me, and have seen it seven times and know all the words and as such feel the need to sing along… definitely annoying me. It also annoys me when people hum or whistle for no apparent reason. Just because you have a jolly tune stuck in your head doesn’t mean I want it stuck in mine too. The worst part about this number one grievance is that I want to be able to do all of those things; I want to sing along. But nobody else can. I’m sorry, that’s just the way I feel.

1. Face time. I say that if you are able to achieve greater efficiency and finish your work ahead of schedule, you shouldn’t have to sit around for a couple hours waiting for everyone else to finish their work.

2. People who talk in movie theatres while the movie is playing.

3. Excessive text messaging (more than 10/day). If you have that much to say, just call the person.

4. Pierre McGuire

5. Telemarketers

6. FOX news and the fact that people actually believe what is said on that channel and it influences their vote. OF COURSE the oil spill is Obama’s fault. He wasn’t even born in America!

7. Dress codes in the office. If you are going to sit there all day working on spreadsheets, why does anyone care what you wear as long as it is appropropriate?

There are more, but that’s off the top of my head. I would also nominate “I shot the sheriff” as most annoying song of all time.

Actually, I was going to add a note at the end of the post that Disney songs are excepted in terms of people who sing along being annoying. The more people singing along to Disney, the merrier. So you’re okay.

And I will support you in your efforts to wear Birkenstocks and Hawaiian shirts at your place of work. Mainly because I can wear those things at mine. And it is wonderfully liberating.

-Regarding #10: I also hate it when I get a text and I’m all excited and then I realise it’s from my phone company or something. lame.

-Obviously #7 does not apply to me, but I think this is also a problem for you at punk rock concerts (ie when someone punches you in the face, instead of the air)

-I REALLY hate slow walkers. Especially people who STOP when they get to the stop of a staircase ie at train stations. Like they’re surprised to see a staircase or something. Ugh, MOVE TO ONE SIDE! This also applies to people with maps. When I’m lost, I stand to one side to look at my map. I don’t just stand still wherever I am.

-I hope your hatred of mosquitoes (or mozzies, as we call them) doesn’t stop you from returning to australia one day….

-I’m assuming the hatred of fluffy white dogs does not apply to Piper?!!! RIP.

-And finally, I’m wondering just how many times I have annoyed you in my life by singing along to songs (usually whilst in the car). Like 5ive and Hannah Montanna. I’m thinking probably a fair amount??

Hey Piper was not fluffy or white! She was wirey and russet coloured. And she didn’t have a mouth area that looked like it had poo on it.

And “mozzies” are the least of my concerns about Australia. I can’t help but think of that song that lists all the deadly things that live in Aus. You know… “come to Australia, you might accidentally get killed!” Though I did appreciate the fact that I never actually saw a single spider. Thanks to your parents for fumigating their house!

And can I just say that mosquito bites ALWAYS end up on the BOTTOM of my feet? Which is pretty damn annoying too, if you ask me. Every time you walk, you remember it’s there, and it gets all itchy! I think they end up there because that’s the one place I never spray OFF. Damn them!

And slow walkers make me want to scream! You’ll often see me swearing obscenities under my breath while I try to maneuver around them (or, I sigh loudly). Or both, really.