In what other award ceremony will you hear the winning entry referred to as a "menacing mouth garden?"

D-Backs reliever Clay Zavada won the Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award from the American Mustache Institute, and eagerly traveled to St. Louis to accept his crown and plaque.

Thanks to Quicken and the American Mustache Institute as this is an honor, especially to beat out some great people like Captain Sully Sullenberger, who is an absolute hero," said a modest yet good looking Zavada, who in 51 innings for the Diamondbacks in 2009 struck out 52 batters with a 3.35 ERA. "I am humbled that so many people in America care about mustaches and have been amazed at all of the support I've gotten, especially from my grandma who was really fired up about me winning."

Meh, let's celebrate Clay Zavada and his Rollie Fingers-lite, because it's the only hardware any of the Diamondback are bringing home this season.