Genesis 6 (The Flood-Part 1) – Simplified Cowboy Version

Now, I want all you punchers to gather ‘round the fire here, one of y’all saddle up and go call in the night guard, ‘cause what I’m ‘bout to tell y’all is real important, straight from the Boss. Some of y’all may not wanna b’lieve some of this; but ever last word of it’s true, as I said b’fore, straight from the Boss. ‘Sides that, His only Son, Jesus, said times are gonna be like this when He comes back so y’all need to pay close attention. Set aside yer makin’s and yer chew, and getcha a cuppa coffee…

The Outfit’s Gone Bad Wrong

1 Folks begun havin’ famlies, and baby gurls was borned to ‘em

2 Now some of the Boss’s boys, (who’d gone bad and turned outlaw) saw these gurls when they was all growed up, and they was real purdy, and they snatched some of ‘em up fer wives

3 Then the Boss said “My Spirit ain’t gonna put up with these here human beans fer ever, them bein’ only flesh and bone. From now on these waddies ain’t gonna pass more than 120 years on My Outfit.”

4 Now back in them days, and fer a spell thereafter, was a tribe a giants, name of Nephilites, livin’ on the outfit, ‘cause when them outlaw boys made babies with them women they’d snatched up, they borned ‘em some mighty tuff warriors, tuffer than the Kiowa, Apache er even Comanche and they was legends and real famous back in the old times.

5 The Boss took a look around an’ saw just how bad folks really was, ever’thing they was a-thinkin’ or imaginin’ was pure D evil, all the time, day in an day out, ‘thout let-up.

6So the Boss was grievous and sorrowful He’d ever made ‘em and put ‘em on His outfit.It tore His heart purt’ near in half.

7 And the Boss sez, “I’m gonna rub out these human beans I’ve created right off’n the face of My outfit. Not only them but ever’ livin’ thing—all the folks, the large animals, the small critters that scurry along the ground, and even the birds of the sky. I am sorry I ever made ‘em.”

8 But a hand name of Noah found favor in the eyes of the Boss.

The Story of Noah

9 This be the account of Noah and his family. Noah was a righteous hand, the only blameless person livin’ on the outfit at the time, a real top hand and he walked side by side with the Boss.

10 Noah had him three boys: Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

11 Now then, the Boss saw that the outfit had become corrupted and was filled with violence.

12 The Boss took Him a good hard look around and saw all this corruption on His outfit, ‘cause all the hands was corrupted.

13 So the Boss sez to Noah, “I’ve decided to rub out all livin’ critters, for they have filled My outfit with violence. Yes sir, I’m a-gonna wipe out the whole outfit!

14 “Build yerself a large boat from cypress wood and waterproof ’er with tar, inside and out. Then build some decks and stalls inside ‘er.

15 Make ‘er 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet high.

16Leave a 18-inch gap b’low the roof all the way around ‘er. Put a door on the side, and build three decks inside ‘er—lower, middle, and top deck.

17 “Look here now! I’m about to cover the whole outfit with a flood that will rub out ever’ livin’ thing that breathes. Ever’thing on earth is a-gonna die.

18 But I’m a-gonna give y’all My bindin’ Word. So git yerselves in the boat—you and yer Missus and your boys and their wives.

19 Bring a pair of ever kind of animal—a male and a female—into the boat with y’all to keep ‘em alive durin’ the flood.

20 Pairs of ever kinda bird, and ever kinda animal, and ever kinda small critter that scurries along the ground, will come to y’all to be kept alive.

21 And be sure to take on board enough food for yer family and for all the critters.”

22 So Noah, bein’ the top hand that he was, did ever’thing ‘zackly as the Boss had ordered him.

Aiight , I’m a-gonna end ‘er fer tonight. You waddies wut’s got the night guard need ta get on back to the herd, you yonkers wut don’t need to get some sleep, we’re movin’ the herd come break a day. I’ll pick this story up once we get this herd to water.