MY INTERVIEW WITH GROUCHO

Q. Some people say you were a wild bachelor and a very heavy gambler in your younger days, what did you say to your wife to get her to marry you?
A. Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!”

Q. There were a lot of women in your life, tell us how you feel about the weaker sex.

A. “A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.”

Q. How do you relax and do you have a best friend?
a. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”

Q. Best excuse you ever came up with for philandering.
A. “My wife once asked, why I was out on a date with her best friend. I told her she reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!”

Q. What do you say to boring people who cannot even engage in a simple conversation?
A.” I say, Hey either you’re dead or my watch has stopped.”

Q. Do you belong to any of those snobby Golf & Social Clubs?
A. “No! I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.”

Q. You seem to be ageless; when were you born?
A. “I must confess, I was born at a very early age.”

Q. Any last thoughts about this interview?
A. “I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.”