I have been working feverishly below the radar to further my plans, having made more money than I could count in a lifetime, having read countless weblog posts by dirtie commie hippies who if they had their way would ensure nobody got rich off of education…

I am back. I’ve been taking names, and plotting vengeance. 2006 was a very good year for Lighips, one that enhanced both my prestige and my bank balance. 2007 is the year when my preparations take root and my earnings take off. It’s time to get serious. You hippies have had free reign in the blogosphere long enough.

I’m relaunching this blog in a fancy new space — for free! These open source zealots at WordPress are suckers! Surely the traffic that this Web log, or “blog” generates will bring their servers to their knees, begging for mercy!

Fools. YOU ARE ALL FOOLS! You laughed at Leon Lighips, but he who laughs with Lighips gets RICH in the bargain!!!!

HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Now you know what I’ve been up to for the past few months, why I’ve been too busy to share my secrets for unlimited wealth with you rabble. It takes a light and stealthy hand to pull off a deal like this — especially without any of the other principals knowing who is above the stage, who is the puppet-master pulling the strings. But hear me now, you dirty hippie open educators — this is only the beginning. The choice is yours — childish utopian dreams, or riches beyond your wildest fever-dreams. All I ask is total submission to my every whim and command.

Since D’Arcy Normal has once again figured it all out (he is a crafty foe), I might as well own up. CogDogBlog was the first weblog to acknowledge my assault on the blogosphere, which is why it was the first target of my latest offensive.

I have accepted many pledges of obedience from those of you who run the Web logs (or “blogs”), but the last time I checked (a few minutes ago) not one of you has deposited a single dollar into the Lighips accounts. I am nearing the limits of my near-boundless patience. I hereby warn you all that continued piracy of copyrighted materials owned by Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc will not be tolerated. Rest assured, you are all being monitored, and all of you who are making a quick buck exploiting the good name of Leon Lighips will live to rue the day. Sleep tight, sweeties.

And must I endure tiresome critiques such as these, from someone who has to “admit that [he is] slightly jealous” of me? (Obviously more than “slightly”, chum.)

The Communist Broadcasting Company burned up precious taxpayer dollars yesterday by airing the grievances of a couple aging hippies (one of them a professor from Berkeley — how cliched), griping away just because the sixties are OVER.

What axe were they grinding this time? The PBS documentary about the American Civil Rights Movement, Eyes on the Prize, can no longer be aired because the rights to much of the archival material used in the series has expired. Which means that lawsuits for copyright infringement are likely to result if it’s ever shown publicly. Boo hoo.

These spaced-out oldsters wasted a bunch of time whining about “eroding access to our shared cultural record”, and how multinational corporations view historical archives not as material critical for public memory but as an asset to be exploited for the benefit of their shareholders — well, why the heck shouldn’t they?

What a load of pinko “bull”! Thankfully, they followed up this nonsense with a sensible copyright lawyer, who scored critical points with some straight talk. Like, how managing historical footage is essentially the same as running a hotel. And how the best way to ensure the preservation of our cultural heritage is to keep it in private hands, allowing the profit motive and the invisible hand of the market to decide what gets preserved, what gets seen and by whom.

Personally, I don’t trust libraries and librarians. Their insistence on preserving and providing access to materials for free creeps me out. If there’s one thing I have learned in a lifetime fighting in the trenches of sales and direct marketing, it’s that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. It’s best to keep things of value in private hands — and in as few of them as possible.

Why do we allow freeloading malcontents to complain all the time about concentration of wealth? I like the idea of bigger pools of money being kept in fewer hands. It just makes it easier for me to TAP IN on this UNLIMITED WEALTH!

And you can too! Become a Lighips eLearning Supremacy Reseller! Don’t be a dirty hippie. Let’s gets serious. Let’s make some MONEY!

From the windswept Canadian plains, yet another acknowledgment of my dominance. On the prairies, over the mountains and through the trees, on the ocean waves and under the rocks, you can hear voices whispering a haunting invocation…

The former blogfather of the Ed Tech Webloggers, Stephen Downes himself has acknowledged the ascendancy of Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc. He graciously surrenders the mantle, and in his abdication post writes what everyone else will learn soon enough, that Leon Lighips is “the king of the long tail”. Quoting Downes: “I welcome our new… Overlord.”

These are exciting times at Lighips eLearning Supremacy Inc. I spoke to dozens of eager potential resellers this morning at a posh downtown hotel in a city that shall remain nameless. Why the secrecy? I respect you enough dear Web log (or “blog”) reader to know that a warrior never reveals his battleplan. Until I have proof of your intentions, until you start delivering the long green into my ready coffers, I must remain wary, and ever ready to strike with extreme prejudice.

All I know is I want some more motivation tapes. Lately I have started listening to them in the shower. Yesterday I was so engrossed in listening to my own product POWER SELLING that I used up half a bar of soap. Lather, rinse, repeat. It was so much fun. But guess I put the music box too far in the shower because it got wet and exploded. My landlord was not too happy when I complained to him that his power hookups didn’t work. (Yeah, like HE’S an electrician!!)