Even Gwyneth on a Disney Fantasy Cruise Can't Save 'The Chew'

What the heck is going on?Does anyone know what the cooking-esque show, The Chew is all about? While I enjoy Mario Batali's restaurants (or used to), I'm not clear on what this talk/food/lifestyle show is really going for. I certainly would tune in to a Batali cooking show because I would LOVE to know how to re-create some of his signature dishes in my own home.

But these other chefs, personalities, and style guys are confusing. I'm sure they would all be lovely on their own shows, but right now there are too many cooks in the kitchen. So then you add Gwyneth Paltrow to the mix. And her duck bacon.

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First of all, I just can't believe that Gwyneth cooks for her family and does all of this stuff. Maybe she does. Probably she does. She says she does. But I'm telling you, if I had her cash, I would also have a chef. Anyway. Mario and his BFF taught us how to cook a chicken and dumping dish that looked amazing (with the duck bacon) that she makes from scratch. While the other three people on The Chew stood around and just gawked.

I want to like this show, but I just can't. Even after Gwyneth.

Even though I take HUGE issue with Mario saying Gwyneth was the only "hot chick" at the Academy Awards -- umm, no. That cape on Paltrow was the most ridiculous thing I saw on the red carpet. But listening to her talk about cooking, and watching her, I actually started to relate to GOOP.

And then came Disney. We got to go behind the scenes of a Disney cruise and the food looked absolutely amazing. On a boat! Which probably serves up a buffet! It's this Disney Fantasy cruise thing that is brand spanking new where the goal is to combine luxury and kid-friendliness. Again, I can get behind this idea. There's even a contest for you to try to win a spot on this Disney Fantasy thing yourself. Okay, great. I think I'll even enter.

But still, what is this show about? I just don't know. No amount of Gwyneth, Disney, or clever banter can explain what the heck is going on with The Chew. It's an hour long hodge podge of lovely people and things that just do not work together. At all.