Be a Lover, Not a Fighter

Posted on Jan 6, 2012

Be A Lover, Not A Fighter

With this new year already started, you probably have a long list of resolutions (I know I do). Most people include things like lose weight, drink more water, get organized, etc. Those are all lofty goals, but how about your personal life?

Now, before you think I am going all Oprah on you……please hear me out.

Interpersonal relationships are usually where we get the biggest chunk of our happiness and life satisfaction. Of course, this starts with your significant other but also extends to family and friends. If you are one of those people who doesn’t like to talk about your feelings (or even think about them) don’t worry. This will be painless.

Here are a few small steps that can help you in all situations:

1. Treat Others the Way You Want To Be Treated.
Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but how many people actually use it? This basically translates as: Be nice. If you don’t have anything positive to say, just keep your trap shut.

2. Think Before You Speak.
Count to ten if you have to, but don’t let your temper get the best of you. I have several family members who make my head want to explode because they are just plain mean (and constantly trying to bait someone into a argument), so trust me, I understand. Avoidance has worked great for me for many years now. I simply choose not to spend time with those people. Which brings me to the next point…

3. Avoid Negative People Who Make You Feel Bad.
I realize you can’t always avoid everyone who falls into this category, but you can at least limit the time spent with them. This includes complainers, fault finders, naysayers, criticizers, etc. Don’t let them ruin your life or the way you feel about yourself. They only have power over you if you give it to them.

4. Don’t Take Things Personally.
This will disarm EVERY situation for you. When the cashier at a store is rude to me, I simply think “I wonder what made her day so bad?” and it turns the situation around for me. This also works with family and friends. When someone bites your head off, instead of biting theirs back ask “What’s wrong?” or “What happened today?” and watch them melt into a different person.

5. Be Grateful.
Start everyday thinking (or writing down) at least ten things you are grateful for. Then include at least two people in your life (past or present) that you are truly grateful for. If you want to take it to the next level, tell someone that you are grateful for them. It will make their day and yours as well.

There you have it. These small changes will add up, and by this time next year you can have a totally different outlook on life.