Friday, January 21, 2011

Bagel Dogs!!!!!!

O frabjous day! My life is nearing completion thanks in part to my newest sweetheart, Lisa Bang. Embarrassingly cute and unimaginably smart, Lisa came to my rescue when woe had struck me low. For two decades, my life has been missing something incredibly important, something no one should be without. (Unless they're so unimaginative and unadventurous as to put down or just plain not like my second-favorite Hebrew invention; kiss my grits, Natalie!)

Sam's Club used to carry them by the bagful and we'd get two or three bags a month. They were amazing to behold. Simply pop one in the microwave after coming home from a rough day at school, dip 'em in ketchup, and all was suddenly right with the world.

I am of course talking about the wonder that is the bagel dog. Yes, the modest, unassuming bagel dog.

For reasons inexplicable to me, Sam's Club stopped selling bagel dogs around 20 years ago, though for a little while they still continued to sell the not-nearly-so-enjoyable mini bagle dog. (Insert :shudder: emoticon here.) Like the Amiga, original Frosted Mini Wheats, Top Shelf lasagna, Black Pepperjack Doritos, $5 seafood buffets at the casinos, Lemon-Lime Slice, Lacey Chabert, and reasonable prices at Arby's, as soon as I found them and fell in love with them, they disappeared without a trace and were never heard from again.

It's rough, seeing so much splendacularity simply disappear. Were I a completely insecure and paranoid son of an apple pie (like someone whose initials might be GTA), I might think I was the cause of the disappearances. But like what happens when Chuck Norris and Mr. T enter a building, perhaps that much awesomeness simply can't be contained. At the time, it was them or me, and MY awesomeness won out.

But now, at least one of these great things is fighting its way out of obscurity to make a comeback. Because my awesomeness is now an inclusive type of aura and it can be added to by other awesome things, I demanded of God to bestow upon me the knowledge of how to get a bagel dog, and lo and behold, God smacked me upside the head and said, "You don't make demands of me."

But then He showed mercy and sent an angel named Lisa Bang to point out to me that Einstein Brothers Bagel Shop sold bagel dogs. And making it better was that there were TWO of them here in the Daytona Beach area. So today, I packed up my gear and hiked on out to Ormond Beach, taking one of my many lady-friends with me on this wondrous odyssey of discovery.

It was glorious; glorious, I tell you!

And now, I owe Lisa a bagel dog, to be paid the next time we meet. Which won't be tomorrow because she's got to do Polycast episode 110 live tomorrow, and I'm going to be at a writer's meeting, and then entertain another of my lady-friends. Dan invited me to do a taping, and yes, I was excited to be able to thank Lisa in person (over Skype), but alas, it will have to wait.

You know, in the above list of my favorite things which can no longer be found, as each one of them disappeared quietly into the night, I mourned its passing, and then moved on. I've actually forgotten several of the items that should have made it on that list. But then one too many of those things began to disappear, and I couldn't take it any more. I had to do something. I had to find a way to save that one last great thing. I had to find a way to make it big again, to get everyone talking about it.

I tried, folks, I really tried, but nothing I did resulted in anything but further misery for all concerned. I simply didn't know how to reach the people responsible for that item on my list and inspire them to continue the valiant struggle to make me and the rest of the world happy with it.

But you know what? If bagel dogs are back from the brink of extinction, maybe with a little enthusiasm and the application of my inconsiderable power and influence with all of creation, I'll be able to arrange things so that they can once again be bought in the grocery store. And when we're all again eating bagel dogs morning, noon, and night, then maybe I'll figure out how to save another item on that list. And then another, and another, until one day, they've all been revived! They will be in everyone's homes or on everyone's minds, bringing peace and love and joy to the world once more!

What about you? What (or who) do you want to see making a comeback? Tell us in the comments below. And again, thank you, Lisa, for telling me where bagel dogs have been hiding half my life!

You're Wondering what this Place is all About

Ever have one of those days? Ever felt like mouthing off to the world? What would it be like if Andy Rooney, Dennis Miller, and an angry teenager shared a brain? Let's find out. We're the scissors you shouldn't run with, the matches you shouldn't play with, and the dog you shouldn't tease.

Do us a Small Favor, Please:

If you like what you see here and you want to be sure you get the most out of it, here are some things you can do to make sure you don't miss out on anything, and help others make sure they don't miss out on anything either.

1. Join the site with Google Friend Connect. It's on the left side, where our other awesome Members are.
2. Add http://www.mopjockey.com/ and our new Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/moreinsanity to all your forum and email signatures and tell your friends to Follow us on Twitter: www.twitter.com/JayceeAdams.
3. Link us from your websites too!
4. Leave comments, vote, and be a good neighbor to the other guests here.
5. Never be afraid to be the decent person you really are.

Terms of Use - legally binding; sadly necessary

Some of the commentary on this site is intended as sarcasm and parody of Jaycee Adams and the Mopjockey / More in Sanity team, their lives, the people they know or know of, life in general, and other subjects that cross their minds. It represents OPINION, and not all of it is flattering. Most is not meant to be taken as fact. Accessing this site or its content in any way, or even being aware of its existence, constitutes your acknowledgement of this. You hereby agree to hold Jaycee Adams, Mopjockey.com, and anyone in any way associated with them completely and utterly non-responsible for anything, ever.

Anyone claiming to BE or REPRESENT someone "famous" who does not also provide sufficient proof of this is understood to be requesting belittlement. You will be ridiculed twice as much if posting as "Anonymous," and even more if you make threats and false accusations. If you've taken great pains to hide yourself from the internet and can't prove who you are, please get someone to vouch for you, being sure they agree that YOU caused all problems, not us.

Anyone so immature as to take offense or umbrage at anything on this site must apologize publicly for making this disclaimer necessary before leaving, never to return, and never harassing anyone associated with this site in any way ever again.

Lastly, you agree that though you might not agree with everything Jaycee Adams has to say, you will defend to your last breath his right to say it, the same as HE HAS DONE FOR YOU.

This agreement is binding in perpetuity in all temporal directions, binding whether you understand it or not, and binding whether you're allowed to make such agreements or not, so help you God/Allah/Yaweh/Source.

Search This Site

Join in the Fun! Follow us!

Subscribe via Newsfeed

Follow by Email

Who was that Masked Man?

Busier than the President and twice as jiggy with it, but not yet as powerful. Stewie Griffin and The Brain are helping Jaycee Adams take over the world this year, just in time to do something about that Mayan Zombie Apocalypse problem we're going to have in 2012.
Our hero has done a little of almost everything, or knows someone who has, and has always loved sharing the wealth of knowledge he possesses.
Jaycee is who men want to be like and women want to be with, because he's changing the world, making it a better place, and looking for like-minded souls to join his mission to defeat the Cult of Fear.