Monday, February 27, 2006

He Hog is the world's most powerful pig. He has the coolest super powers ever:X-Ray nipples- they emit twin beams of laser energy that can slice through butter.Finger and Thumb breath: He can flip light switches on and off with them.Atomic smoothocity: So smooth is his perfect rind, that pants won't stick to him!Ultra Tasteocity: He has the world's most sensitive taste buds, tasting substances never before discovered.He can taste guilt-he frequently donates this talent to the Police Line-Up downtown.

He has super-suavity. Girls love him!He only has one weakness. While kryptonite is the one substance that can weaken Superman, the only thing that can stop He Hog is marmalade on his butt. But try and get it on there!This is his teenaged sidekick--Half Life The Decaying Molecule. He has no thrilling powers. He's just there so the criminals can kidnap him and hold him for ransom from He Hog. He Hog loves him as if he were one of his very own molecules-which actually he is!He Hog has many arch-enemies.

This is Mr. Meat.Mr.Meat has the power of meat. He was raised by meat. He can summon meat to his bidding. He is determined to free meats from all over the world and give them voting rights.He has a love-hate relationship with He Hog. On the one hand, he loves him-because He Hog is the greatest collection of meats in the world-a mess of super meats!On the other hand he hates He Hog for not releasing his meats... for enslaving them to his skeleton.Mr. Meat is slightly unhinged.Whattaya think? Wanna hear more?

Here are some more Hollywood Gods and Goddesses to hold you over while I get some more He Hog stuff together for you!

Who are they?? See if you can beat Clarke!After you name my head, name my talent!

This woman and her pet primate is perfect because she looks just like George Liquor in drag!What if you had a ping pong ball lodged in your chin?You come up with a caption for these two dolls.I am so beautiful, I don't need to have taste in men!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Hey folks! There's a new post under this one!Scroll down to see some of my kid cartoon concepts!Show them to your little ones!

Some of you commented on a page of this comic that I put in my George Liquor stories post.I think I will slowly put up all the pages for you.

It was drawn by a great cartoonist named Mike Fontanelli-one of the original Ren and Stimpy artists.It was inked by another of your heroes-the wonderful Shane Glines!And the killer lettering is by Patrick Owsley.Now and then I went in and drew some of the weirder drawings.Look at Mike's amazing attention to detail and stubble!

This comic (believe it or not) has a powerful social statement. If I tell you what it is, some of the Spumco haters will be enraged, so I won't!But feel free to try and discern it over the next few weeks as I unfold the incredible tale of American tragedy for you.

Before I forget!....If you wanna really treat your eyeballs some more go check out Katie's latest gorgeous girl drawings! She's hit another breakthrough! And comment on her blog too!

Ever see that movie, Supersize Me, about what happens to your body if you eat too much junk food?That guy oughtta make a movie about what happens to you if you watch too many modern cartoons.If you are watching a lot of SP, FG, FOP, DT, and their ilk, the chances are you are dulling your senses-particularly your eyeballs, so I'm gonna help you retrain them with this little test.See if you can recognize some of Heaven's gifts to the world.Tell me in the comments who you think they be, OK?You folks are pals.

I thought you had to be tall to have acromegaly.

Stop kissing your monitor, fellas!

OK, go ahead and kiss itHere is a man who knows lack of talent when he sees it but has yet to demonstrate what his own is. So that's how you get rich in this town!

Monday, February 20, 2006

George’s TrophiesThe neighborhood kids are admiring George’s animal trophies in his den.It’s full of huge animal heads and furs.When one kid pipes up that his mom says animals have rights too,George agrees and goes on to explain what their rights are:“They have the right to fill my stomach,to compete for their own hides with me and my gun,etc.”While he is explaining this to the kids,he is being stalked by a bear hunter who bags himand gives him to his wife to wear as a human stolearound her neck.Another female bear pelts her with an eggfor wearing a poor helpless human.

Domestic AbuseGeorge and his wife Mable get into a big spat about her smoking and stinking up the house. He tells her it’s ruining her health and she says she’s fitter than he’ll ever be and challenges him to a fight. They take their shirts off and have a knock-down drag-out fight. The cops come and say they’ve heard reports of domestic abuse. George hollers at them to take Mabel away because she just beat the living crap out of him.Mabel Drops Dead

George Liquor’s wife smokes too much and it drives him crazy. He loves everything about her except the smoking. He warns her all the time that it’ll kill her and sure enough, this one last cigarette does the trick.Then George has to explain death to the kids.This story is rife with "heart' for all you Disney 'mos who love plot and artificial pathos!

George’s CrusadeA holiday weekend is coming up and George and the kids are discussing where they should go for a nice vacation.The kids want Disneyland but George decides it would be much more fun to have their own little crusade.He tells them about evil terrorists and how Bin Laden is still at large. “If the government can’t catch him, we’ll do it!”He explains what an evil culture it is while he’s at it. “Their women are so ugly they have to wrap them in big bags, with a hole where only their mustaches can peek through!”Slab “N’ Ernie can’t wait for the delightful weekend of fun.They realize they have to soften Bin Laden up before they capture him, so they do that by exposing him to superior Western culture-they feed him McDonald’s burgers, hypnotize him with rap music, gouge his eyes with "adult" cartoons drawn by 3 year olds and make him listen to 3 Looney Tunes commentaries by Mike Barrier in a row. When he's all soft and stupid, they beat the crap out of him and end all wars forever.

Sody and Jimmy Stories

Sex Before MarriageGeorge Liquor comes home and catches Sody and Jimmy making out on the couch.He freaks out, puts Jimmy the retarded boy in his room and proceeds to lecture Sody about morals.“In our day, we waited till after we married before we had any hanky panky…in fact, 5 years after for Mabel and me…and we always apologized afterwards!”

Doin’ It With A ‘TardSody Pop, the neighborhood's hottest teenager is having a get together with her girlfriends. They are playing truth or dare.They dare Sody to do it with that ‘tard’ that lives down the street-George Liquor’s idiot nephew, Jimmy. “Ewwww!”She does it though and then reports back that it was the best ever!The girls come up with a theory that a ‘tard’ is man in his natural state. He’s like a caveman and that’s why he’s so good in bed.

They then decide that if only all men were tards, then women could rule the earth and there would be peace, love and cellulite for all.

Boy do I have some talented fans! You make it hard for me to pick favorites!But here's my pick for the weiner of the Tomkat caricature contest:

Now go to Corky's site and see some more hilarious Hollywood celebrities, and check out her other art too!http://corkadork.blogspot.com/

There are lots more great Tomkat caricatures in the comments section so go ogle all those too!Here's a gift from SOOP:

OK, I had a Helluvatime picking a weiner for the Angelina contest, but here it is!Bob Risotto made this beautiful and pointy rendition of Hollywood's craziest looking family. Congratualtions. You are at the top of the universe today!

Here's #2 by Elliot. What an amazing sense of style and grace! Show us more of this stuff and explain your technique so everyone else can steal it!

#3 by Nathan Jones, a true master of the craft!

And here are some runners up:

Look what Gene made for us!

Attaboy Mitchell!

Here comes Brian Romero!

My man Vanoni!

Lookout Robert Risko, Chet is gunnin' for you!

And here is your reward for obeying my commands:

Hey weiners, repost your urls in the comments so we can see more of your stuff!

Now get back to the George Liquor program and get all your friends to post!Thanks for having amazing talent and sharing it with the universe.