Quiz: Howstuffworks

Can We Guess Your Lowest Golf Score?

Zoe Samuel

Image: Sam Edwards / OJO Images / Getty Images

About This Quiz

In his book, "Play It As It Lies," Norman Thelwell notes, "Golf is, without doubt, the easiest ball game known to man." Thelwell is, of course, being intentionally ridiculous in this statement, and his hilarious drawings provide the comical counterweight to his assertion. He goes on to spend the rest of the book giving advice that may not improve your game, but will make you laugh at the foibles and hilarities of golf (and laughter is calming, so perhaps that will help a little).

Ultimately, golf is a game that anyone can play... badly. That is, it is not like tennis, where if you cannot play at all, then nothing happens. You can be terrible at golf and still make at least some progress, though you may be advised to get out of the way of other people on the course if you're going very slowly. You can also handicap the game in a way that means a good player and a weak one can actually be on something like a level footing. That means the things that typically make a person quit before they get good can be neutralized, which means, of course, that if you stick with it, there's no reason you can't become quite a decent golfer.

Better yet, even an only-OK golfer can have one really good day, and that's what this quiz is all about. Whether you're a newbie, a good golfer, or a great golfer, you might have a brag-worthy score to share with us. Let's see if we can guess your glorious number!

How's your temperament?

Totally even keeled.

Fairly calm.

I'm human, man. I lose it like anyone else.

Tempestuous.

Have you ever cheated?

Absolutely never!

Just once.

Only when I was young.

I don't care enough to cheat.

For your age and medical history, are you in peak physical shape?

Yes, top 5% at least.

Probably top 15%.

Probably about average.

I'm not sure.

Do you have any injuries?

No, I am fit as a fiddle.

My back and knees are not ideal.

I have quite a few.

Yes but I have a lot of physio for them.

What do you like least about golf?

Having to travel to the club. I want to live there.

I don't love everyone at my club, to be honest.

It takes a long time.

When it's going badly then it's the worst feeling.

What sort of workout do you do regularly?

Lifting weights and running.

Swimming.

I don't really.

An awful lot of things, actually.

Do you use a caddy?

Nope, I carry mine!

No but I do use one of those wheely things.

Yes, might as well give a kid some cash.

Yes, clubs are heavy!

Do you drive a buggy?

No, that takes the fun out.

Only if the weather's too hot.

Only if I am with someone who needs it and I want to be sensitive.

Yes, that's the best part!

At what age did you get your first clubs?

11

15

21

I don't have my own clubs yet.

How many golf clubs are you a member of?

4 or more

3

1

0

Have you ever traveled to another city or even country specifically to play golf?

Yes, annually or more.

Yes, a few times.

Just once but I would do it again.

I've been invited, but haven't gone yet.

How many partners are in your regular golfing rotation?

More than 5

3

1

None but I pair up at the clubhouse if I need to.

How often do you golf?

Weekly or more.

A couple times a month.

Monthly, roughly.

Only on vacation, really.

What's the nicest thing about golfing?

Fresh air, exercise, and honing a skill.

Exercise and sometimes winning.

Hanging with my buddies.

The clubhouse.

If you have a really awful first few holes, how easily do you shake that off?

Very easily.

It's a tossup.

Honestly, I don't really.

The only way I shake it off is if my partner's doing even worse.

How do you react if you get stuck behind a slow duo?

Politely ask to overtake.

Fume quietly to myself.

Live with it.

Skip a hole.

Do you play when it's raining?

If I book a game, I'm playing.

If I'm already out.

Depends how hard it's raining.

Only to be a good sport for my friends, but I suggest stopping.

Among hobbies on which you spend money, where does golf rank for expenditure?

Top

2nd

3rd

Like, 8th?

Have you ever won a trophy?

Yes, I have a shelf.

I have one or two.

I came second in a game once.

No.

Did you ever consider going pro?

I did, but it didn't take.

No but I have played for charity.

No, that'd be cool though!

No.

Do you play for money, just casually with friends?

Yes, and I win too!

Not usually but I did win some once.

Probably not a good idea - my friends are good.

No, that's too risky.

Would you patronize a club that did not admit women as members?

Yes, if it had a course I liked.

You know, I've never even checked.

No, that's ridiculous.

No, I would like to play with all my friends and that includes women.

Did you choose where you live because it's convenient to a place that you can golf?

Yeah, not just at the local level, either - I moved state for it.

Kinda, yeah.

It wasn't a factor but I was mighty pleased to find that there was a course near me.

Nope.

What do you say to people who think golf is boring?

I don't talk to them, they're just being negative.

I invite them to play to prove them wrong.

I shrug and laugh.

It can be!

Do you watch professional golf?

Religiously

Sometimes

Not really

Why on earth would anyone do that?

How many pairs of golfing shoes do you own?

4

2

1

0

Have you ever quit a round because it was just going so horribly?

Yes, I know when it's not my day.

No, I always soldier on!

A few times.

If I did that I'd never finish.

What's your handicap?

4

8

Teens

I don't have one

What's the furthest you have ever driven a ball?

250 yards or more

About 200 yards

150 yards

40 yards, maybe

What's your strongest stroke?

Putt

Chip

Drive

None of them

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