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MGM's Awesome New Strategy: Remakes And Sequels

MGM studios issued a press release a few days ago with all kinds of happy, excited comments about their exciting new strategy that will be "re-establishing MGM as a major Hollywood studio."

Hey, I'm all for more competition and seeing one studio try to raise the bar to beat another... but at the end of the press release was the following nugget:

"MGM will enter its new phase of evolution by focusing on its major movie franchises highlighted by JAMES BOND and PINK PANTHER sequels, THE HOBBIT, THOMAS CROWN AFFAIR 2, THE OUTER LIMITS, ROBOCOP, DEATH WISH and FAME, among others."

Now maybe I'm just in a snarky mood, because I'm as much of a fan of certain franchises as everyone else - but it seems to me there are certain movies that you just leave alone.

Sure, I know everyone is clamoring for a sequel to that awesome Pink Panther movie that starred Steve Martin and Beyonce Knowles (um, sarcasm there in case you missed it), and what we also really need is another Fame movie...

I don't even really have a problem with a sequel to The Thomas Crowne Affair - I really enjoyed the remake that starred Pierce Brosnan and if they could recapture the "cool" of that movie I'd be up for another one. Then there's Death Wish, which is rumored to star Sylvester Stallone which I think could turn out great with his involvement.

But listen up: They should NOT do another Robocop.

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The first one, released back in 1987 was a hard-R, funny, ultra-violent masterpiece full of social commentary. Oh, I'm sure it didn't mean to be all that, but in the end that's what it turned out to be. I can't repeat most of the great quotes from the movie here, but one of the most memorable involved Peter Weller as Robocop coming upon a woman he just saved from being raped:

Rape Victim: Oh God, I was so scared! Thank you!

RoboCop (in a robotic, deadpan monotone): Madame, you have suffered an emotional shock. I will notify a rape crisis center.

That was his way of comforting a victim in shock.

Each subsequent version, whether it was a sequel or a TV show, was weaker than what came before it. And to top that off, although I wouldn't bet my life on it, I sure as heck would bet a ten spot that they'll try to release a remake (since I doubt they would do a sequel at this point) as a PG-13 instead of R. Got to attract the kiddies to the fun, bloodless violence don't you know.