Hamilton Nolan

Americans spend close to $2 billion a day dining out, and most of that money ain't being spent at The Four Seasons, if you know what we mean. (It is being spent on cheap garbage food.) Heartbreakingly, Americans now say they loathe the fast food chains to which they've pledged their lives.

"I hate Mcdonald's, KFC, and Taco Bell," you, the consumer, told Consumer Reports in their new survey of consumer food preferences. Those words were hard to understand, because you, the consumer, had countless Big Macs, chicken strips, and bean burritos stuffed into your mouth as you spoke. America's obvious affinity for cheap, bad burgers, chicken, and tacos makes their disloyalty to those who make their inexpensive poisoning possible all the more shocking.