We send you our most sincere apologies for delivering Friday's
issue a couple of days late. The truth is we're still recovering from shock due
to a few laws that were approved lately from the Italian Parliament. Here's a
hint of what we mean; if you visit Italy this summer, keep your pets and
mothers-in-law at home!

I just started getting your newsletter and I get several smiles from it. I also like all of the stuff you can check out from your sites, but your story of Naples...you were so descriptive I could see it all. I've always wanted to come to your beautiful country but if I ever do maybe I'll skip Naples. (I think that maybe there are some places like that still in New York, USA!) Thanks for a cool (showing my age) newsletter. Cindi

"Mille grazie" for your comments, Cindi. Your
comments were heartwarming and touching which is the least we can say for some
lovely letters we have received from some angry people apparently from Naples
(Italians can be so touchy sometimes). Let us clarify...

There are many beautiful things to see in Naples regardless of
their extraordinarily bad music.

No, really!

Enjoy the issue, keep writing and Grazie!

Tanti Saluti,
"Only In Italy" Staff

Dogs, Ugly Mothers-in-Law, Politicians'
Backsides In Italy, Laws and Courts Weigh In On All Those and More

Rome - March 27, 2004 - If you're
planning on coming to Italy, don't even think of kicking a dog, even if it's
yours. And especially if you're angry at your mother-in-law. It's now the law.

Well, this is Italy, where the country's highest court of
appeals is clearly taking on a more activist role to improve the quality of life
for Italians. And their dogs.

In its most recent ruling this week, it made kicking your dog
a crime. In the case of a Sicilian man, the high court ruled he was guilty and
upheld a fine of 5,000 Euros ($6,150), even though the dog was unhurt.

According to the Italian news agencies, the court said,
"It was enough for the creature to suffer psychological trauma,"
though the judges didn't say to whom the dog expressed his "psychological
trauma."

Lay Off Mother-In-Law

Then there's the mother-in-law. The court ruled in December
that hostility to a mother-in-law, even without "an overt threat, should be
punishable by law."

The landmark case? A son-in-law, who blamed the collapse of
his marriage on his wife's mother, parked his car outside his mother-in-law's
house and shouted out her name.

The court said, "Even an attitude or behavior not
accompanied by any verbal expression can amount to a threat."

While the court is known for idiosyncratic rulings such as
once declaring that "adultery could take place before marriage" some
have drawn cheers in Italy, a country often strangled by a bureaucracy with
seemingly endless tentacles.

It was the case of a lawyer from Perugia fined in 1993 for
parking in the city center, even though he had a permit to be there. The lawyer
waged a long fight to cancel the parking ticket, rejected by the bureaucracy
each step of the way. Finally, he took his case to the appeals court, which
ruled the lawyer should be compensated by Perugia officials for the stress of
his bureaucratic nightmare.

Fattened Butts Off Limits

But many rulings still draw amused reaction. For example, the
court's decision last month that politicians can't make fun of an opponent's
size.

The case involved a city councilman from the southern city of
Calabria who was fined for accusing a rival of "fattening her
buttocks" by "grabbing and misusing public funds."

The court ruled politicians should have a sufficiently broad
"cultural dimension" to avoid such low blows as referring to an
opponent's "bodily dimension."

In Italy, there's justice even for campaigning politicians,
whether they deserve it or not.

As if mother-in-laws haven't wreaked enough terror
and havoc in our lives, now they can claim asylum in Italy. And God forbid your mother-in-law has the attitude of Mussolini, a rear the
size of a Fiat 500 and an ugly mangy pet dog (you know who you are).

You might as
well stop hiding from her, turn yourself in and listen to that sweet voice ringing in
your ears.

One Million Workers in Italy Go on
Strike

The union members are protesting against 'everything' -
including pension and education reform and spending cuts

Rome - March 27, 2004 - Around a million workers across
Italy went on strike Friday to protest against the economic policies of Prime
Minister Silvio Berlusconi's center-right government.

For the fourth time in two years, industries across the
country came to a standstill as columns of demonstrators wound through the
centers of Rome, Turin, Milan, Palermo, Naples and other main cities.

The general strike was 'a response to the government to say
they've got it wrong, about everything', Mr. Guglielmo Epifani, the leader of
Italy's biggest union, the CGIL, told demonstrators in the Sicilian capital of
Palermo.

Italian newspapers quoted unionists as saying one million
workers took part in the strike.

Workers in most industries observed a four-hour stoppage, but
schools, banks and post offices were closed for the entire day. Road and rail
transport in urban areas shut down from the morning, though unions pledged to
maintain a skeleton service until full service resumed in the afternoon.

The three most powerful unions claimed that at least 60 per
cent of workers at Fiat, an important barometer as the country's biggest private
employer, had observed the strike. The car maker put the figure at 18.5 per
cent.

'For the past 36 months, the country has been at a standstill,
the longest industrial stagnation of the post-war era,' said Mr. Epifani, whose
union claims five million members.

The strike was the fourth general work stoppage since April
2002, when unions united to call the first general strike in Italy in two
decades.

He was echoing union criticism that the government seemed more
preoccupied with a financial crisis facing Italy's leading football clubs than
labor unrest.

"Porca Miseria!" Another strike. What a shock.

Italy, the only country where 3 full time employees are hired for each public
service job; one to do half a job and the other two on standby in case of death
or disease.

In a way you have to agree with the union criticism; if the gov't lets the
financial crisis close down the stupid football clubs, we could no longer
watch those hostile games and we would have to go back to work!

And since this was a protest about everything, I protest against the
"Be Nice to your Mother-In-Law" law!

I still can't believe I can't
tell her to shut her fat trap without facing charges.

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Vicenza - February 16, 2004 - An Italian man and a
Thai woman locked lips for 31 hours 18 minutes, setting a new world record in a
Valentine's Day kissing marathon in Vicenza, northern Italy.

Andrea Sarti, 37, a lorry driver, was so exhausted by the kiss
that he had to be resuscitated with oxygen by a first aid team. Anna Chen, 26,
had to lie down.

The couple, from the coastal resort of Rimini, beat the
previous record of 30 hours 59 minutes, set by an American couple in 2001.

The rules required the couple to remain standing throughout
the kiss. They were not allowed to eat, drink or go to the toilet, and could
communicate only by written or text messages.

Mr. Sarti was reported to have insisted on taking part in the
competition for the 10,000 Euros ($12,500) prize for the money he needed to
marry Ms. Chen. But as the kiss dragged on, Ms. Chen turned out to be the more
enduring of the pair.

Mr. Sarti's shoes had to be swapped for a pair of slippers
while his girlfriend persevered in a pair of high heels, perched on a footstool
to achieve the optimal kissing position.

Ms. Chen also had to massage her boyfriend, who suffered cramps
in several places.

"It was really difficult," Lucaino Gaggia, one of
the organizers, told reporters. "We didn't think they could
do it. Their secret was concentration... and the ability not to think about
time passing."

Meanwhile in the Piazza Farnese in Rome, thousands of gay
couples smooched simultaneously on Saturday night, in a 10 second mass-kiss.

Gay rights activists called on the government to stand up to
the Vatican and give equal rights to Italy's thousands of gay couples.

This enchanting love story is
dedicated to women all over who come to Italy convinced they're going to find Romeo:

"Ti amo."
"I love you more than anything else in the world but please "STOP
AGING!"
If you get any older than this, I can't stay with you! Get some
help! Call Ponce DeLeon! Do something! I can't believe Iím married to a 40 year old!"

"And the unbelievable thing about all this is that Iím getting younger and
better looking!"

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