University Of Kansas Invests $2 Million Too Much Into A New Football Locker Room

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You could think of two million other ways the University of Kansas could spend their money that doesn’t involve the football team. Sadly, or luckily, however you want to look at it, we are not tasked with the decision-making for the 54th best university in the midwest (according to Forbes).

The bigwigs out in Lawrence decided to fund their 0-12 excuse for a football squad with a two million dollar upgraded locker room. The locker room includes:

• A barber shop, because each player needs to look crisp under his helmet while he’s getting torched by FCS opponents at home.
• Lockers with personalized Twitter handles, because who doesn’t want to follow a student-athlete carrying the mantle of a 12-60 record in the last six years on Twitter.
• A neon glowing Jayhawk logo, because…other teams put that in their locker room and they win so “why not us?????…right?”

“I could not believe how big and flashy it was when we walked in,” senior safety Fish Smithson said. “I knew it was going to be nice, but it definitely exceeded my expectations. Our lockers have all of the fancy extras you would want in there.”

Yeah, Fish…we can’t believe it, either. I’m not going to out any SEC schools because snitching ain’t my thing, but couldn’t some of those funds go to players who will actually compete? I’m sure a fraction of that could steal away a commit or two from Tech, OSU, or at least Kansas State. Kansas has been the patsy of every bet, the rebound to every betting slump buster, the shit on the heel of the Big 12…and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be any better.

I only found one picture and I feel like that was one picture too many to explain just how dumb of an investment this locker room is for a team that doesn’t deserve the post-game meal. TCU, Baylor, and Oklahoma can blame you for bringing down their strength of schedule every year. Everyone else can enjoy betting against you every week without fear of a betting blackout. You all can expect more Twitter follows and sweet fades while the betting world continues to fade the Jayhawks from week one on. But…at least basketball season is around the corner, right?.