And Boom Goes the Dynamite: Winnipeg at Vancouver, March 8th, 2012

Tie Domi was paid in pizzas in his time in Winnipeg. “They called it a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle contract. Admittedly my agent wasn’t very good at his job” explained Tie.

Last night I had a goalie duel against Pete, one of the best goalies I know. We went save for save all night long, and had people begging mercy from us to let in a goal. Being the nice guy that I am, I let a Steve “Misses empty nets like a mofo” Mo shot get pass me. I then let in a Rick shot, which of course went short stick side. Luckily this grueling game finally ended in my favor when our team won 5-4, and I managed to gut out a victory over Pete, which is always a reason to celebrate. Dude is a beast in net. He makes solid, picture perfect butterfly saves, and I’m out there using a fusion of Bill Ranford, Kirk McLean, and Dominik Hasek to make my saves. Sliding stack the pad saves are still cool, I swear.

Anyways, on one play my buddy Mike tried jumping over me as I was diving forward and his knee ended up hitting my head. I thought nothing of it at the time, but now a day later, I feel like Sidney Crobsy, confused by loud noises, shying away from bright lights, and doing commercials for Tim Horton’s in my spare time. As a result, this review might be a bit off since I was at the game tonight where said loud noises made my head hurt quite viciously. My point? If there is anything off about this review, I apologize in advance. If that doesn’t work for you, do what I do and blame Aaron Rome. If there is anything you don’t like in this review, odds are Aaron Rome was behind it.

Let’s get onto the game, shall we?

What Happened:

Jets 2 Canucks 3

So what was the general feeling of this game? The Canucks basically deserved to win this game. They outworked and out-shot the Jets all night, and if it wasn’t for Pavelec having a very strong game, this would have been a blow out for Vancouver. Ryan Kesler scored a nice short-handed goal that he put five hole on a saddened Pavelec, Edler scored on a Steve Mo special by using the famed “Bouncing shot from the point” technique, and then Pahlsson won the game after a sweet feed from Kevin Bieksa with a shot that he lasered in just under the cross-bar. Pavelec was also not pleased by this. Ex-Canuck Kyle Wellwood used his magic mittens in close to beat Schneider on a rebound in tight, and Blake Wheeler David Booth’d Cory Schneider by driving hard and fast to the net, and popping it behind a cheating Schneider. Hug the post! Hug the post! Game ended 3-2 for Vancouver, who finally get back to their winning ways.

I’m not going to lie. This would not have won the highlight of the night if the original highlight of the night I wanted had been available. You thought “Dancing Canuck Kid” was awesome? Well “Random Guy With Flags” is also pretty damn cool, and he was at tonight’s game. He was dancing and waving two mini Canucks flags like nobodies business. Dancing to the left, dancing to the right…..At one point the crowd had held its breath for so long watching this amazing performance that I thought people were going to start passing out and tumbling down the stairs. Luckily the play on the ice resumed and we were saved this needless tragedy. Alas, I have no video proof of this, and since I refuse to do a highlight of the night without video proof, I shall go with Pahlsson’s first goal as a Canuck as the highlight of the night. From Hansen’s hard work, to Bieksa’s nice pass, to Pahlsson pretending to be a human and actually caring about the fact he scored (Pahlsson is a cyborg), this goal has everything you want out of a highlight of the night.

Random Thoughts:

– The Amex Line is back! And it should never go away! Why? Because Chris “DON’T TOUCH MY PUCK, THAT IS MY PUCK” Higgins is a BEAST. I know he is useful on the 3rd line, but considering the fact that David Booth and Ryan Kesler have a strict “One pass per shift” policy in place, it helps having Chris on that line so he can bust his ass getting that puck back to David and Ryan. Plus the Amex line is just a fun nickname for a line. The TSN headlines are worth it alone. “AMEX line cashes in victory for Canucks” will be used at least once during this years playoffs, I guarantee it.

– Ryan “No nicknames, please, I prefer to be on my own” Kesler has a new thing I’ve noticed he likes to do. He has added a whole new dimension to his game. In times past, Kesler would be hit to the ground, or would feel an injustice was thrust upon him, and he would respond by pouting at the ref. Now, though, now he tries something new. He looks at the ref and the player who annoyed him, and then he turns and spits on the ground. He has done this three times in the last three games. It is Ryan’s “I spit on you….metaphorically” maneuver and I am on board with it.

– Sami “Excitement is not a word I understand, can you repeat the question?” Pahlsson had a great game tonight. He worked hard in the corners and along the boards, he made some amazing passes, and he also scored the game winning goal. But the entire time watching him play, all I could hear was him giving the worlds most depressing interview to Vancouver about being traded here, and it cracked me up. Seriously, should the Canucks win the cup, I cannot wait to see what his interview will be like.

Dan Murphy: So Sami, you’ve won another cup, this has to be exciting for you!

Pahlsson: Sure, I guess. I mean, winning is supposed to be nice, so theoretically this is good. I suppose.

Dan Murphy: Well, this is something you work your whole career towards, so you have to be happy with this win!

Pahlsson: Can one call it winning when tears are standing just mere moments away from being called to center stage?

Dan Murphy: Are…..are you crying?

Pahlsson: That would require emotion Dan. Emotion I haven’t had since they cancelled Everyone Loves Raymond. I’m pretty sure that is just some Gatorade that spilled on me from when Dale Weise tried drinking some. He has a drinking problem, you know.

– I love math and I love it even more when it helps out the Canucks. Starting Lineup – Aaron Rome = win. It’s science, folks.

– I love going to the games at Rogers Arena because you always have random fun fan encounters. My fun encounter was when I was walking up the stairs to my seat, some guy pounded me on the back and screamed “Wellwood!!”. I smiled, gave a thumbs up, and sat down in my seat, pleased that my Kyle Wellwood jersey could bring such happy emotions to two strangers. Much better than wearing a Messier jersey in Roger’s Arena and getting kicked in the groin. Bowman likes to do this. I don’t know why.

– Sometimes being at Roger’s Arena can have it’s hiccups, however. Such as when you run into “That guy” who thinks the entire 18,000 + are there to hear him talk and tell jokes all night. The guy who screams randomly, spills beer on you, and stares at girls cleavage when he walks by them in the row. The worst part of “that guy” is when he is telling jokes and people have stopped laughing. He doesn’t assume his joke isn’t funny, no, he assumes people didn’t hear him. So he repeats his joke. And then repeats it. Then repeats it again. I assume he feels that by repeating his joke 4 or 5 times someone is bound to laugh. Sadly by the sixth time someone does laugh, but out of pity. Alas “that guy” doesn’t recognize the pitying nature of the laugh, and as such, is happy with the response, and continues making jokes. If this sounds like Mark Messier it is probably because Mark Messier is “that guy” 80% of the time.

– As you probably know by now, I own a Kyle “I used to eat my feelings” Wellwood jersey. I was a fan of his because he was the little guy that could, and he had sweet sweet dangles. So I was happy he scored for me tonight, especially since we ended up winning the game anyways. The only thing I need to know is why Kyle didn’t point up into the stands at me after he scored. Come on dude, not cool. The Kyle Wellwood Fan Club doesn’t run itself, buddy.

– Blake “Vroom Vroom” Wheeler vs David “I can Vroom Vroom too!” Booth had a fun contest all night of who could charge the hardest to the net and score a goal. Back and forth they went all night until on one play, David Booth looked like he had a goal after charging in wide on Pavelec, but ended up being stoned by the Jets keeper. The play went the other way and Blake Wheeler charged to the net and caught Schneids napping, and scored on the play. You win this round Blake…..you win this round. David Booth still has crazier hair, though. MORAL VICTORY.

– As I tweeted tonight, when Pavelec let in that Kesler goal five hole, his head automatically went up to the skies. I can tell you what was going on through his head at this moment:

“Oh man, this is crazy. We were lucky to get 20 people out to a Thrashers game and 10 of those people were confused WNBA fans. OH shoot, here comes Kesler, god that guy is annoying….crap he got the puck, he is going to try to snipe it top corner, I am totally going to OH NO NOT MY FIVE HO-……crap.”

I love watching goalies reactions after goals because I do them all the time. My personal favorite is looking straight ahead and not at anyone in particular but the entire team knows you’re looking at Aaron Rome.

– Atmosphere in Rogers Arena was far too friendly tonight. Jets fans were decent, friendly folks, and there was barely any trash talk. This is weird. I know the Jets are just “happy to be back” but I expect a little more from you guys. Not even one fight in the crowd? Come on. Though I will give a thumbs down to the one fan who at the end of the game who went around pointing fingers in Jets fans faces and laughing at them on the concourse. Who does that? Let me rephrase that….Who does that to Winnipeg Jets fans? What has a Jets fan ever done to anybody? They have never won anything. They are literally the only fans in the world who hold nothing over anybody else. I am not even sure if it is legally allowed to make fun of a Jets fan after a loss. It’s like laughing at the sun for rising in the morning. Wait until the Jets win the Stanley Cup. THEN we can be arrogant ****’s to them after a win.

– Further proof of this was sent my way by @rbraich: (Who once guessed the Price is Right Showdown prices to 2 whole cents! That’s insane!)

See? Jets fans are so happy just to see an NHL goal being scored that they happily cheer on whomever happens to do it, regardless of what team they are on. What other city will you see a fan of the local sporting team fully cheering on the opposition like this?? Either that or this fan thinks he can actually take and steal the Sportsnet game information bar….wait, can you do that?

– Fanner Glass (I make fun of Tanner even though he honestly is a stand up guy. I just have to make fun of him for his infamous miss in game 5 of the Finals last year because it was honestly something I will never forget. I know epic is overused as a term, but it truly was epic.) was at it again tonight, as he missed on several good chances to score during the game. The good news is that he managed to get his stick on the puck this time. He didn’t fan on the shots completely. The bad news, his scrabble hand with Pass it to Bulis is stalled right now because he only has vowels. “I can’t spell ‘fanner’ with three e’s and two i’s, guys, come on”

– Booing Byfuglien warmed my heart because yes, I am petty, and yes, I still hate Byfuglien. My favorite Byfuglien highlight of the night was him lumbering in across the blue line and Daniel Sedin calmly taking the puck from him. “Silly Dustin, you thought you could have this? No. No you can’t.” Byfuglien responded by attempting to hook Daniel three times. Solid work Dustin. Solid work.

– Raymond had his first successful forcheck of the season tonight. I was very proud. Jones had it behind the Jets net, and I swear to god my first thought was “If there is one guy who would screw this up and get caught behind his own net, it would be Randy ‘I secretly play for your team’ Jones.” Sure enough, Raymond realized who it was who had the puck and he went and pinned Jones along the board and worked at that puck like a man possessed. I look forward to celebrating Raymond’s next successful forecheck in 2013.

– I had another fun speaking out loud moment when I saw Ryan Kesler attempt to go into KesLord mode, as he tried to beat all five Winnipeg Jets on one play. “Ryan, you can’t beat five guys and scoooooooo oh my god, ok, see, you can’t do it.” was how that played out. He was close enough to scoring that you know he will keep trying to do it every chance he gets. Somehow I get the feeling his screensaver is just a video of him splitting Weber and O’Brien in the playoffs last year and scoring…..

– Zack “I am taking my time embracing the Kassassin nickname” Kassian had a poor game tonight. He is a young player who is bound to have up and down games, so I am not worried. What I am worried about is my complete lack of YouTube goodness of him beating up somebody in a fight. Come on, you’re telling me you couldn’t have punched the crap out of Kyle Wellwood?? He would never have seen it coming! Give us something! Maybe a gloved punch from behind- wait, no, forget I said that.

– And that’s it for my thoughts! Glad to have you back Winnipeg, you definitely made the game far more entertaining than it would have been had you been the Thrashers. I look forward to many more victories against you next year.

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