These last scumbags provide no end of sport, and every second they are fielding my utterly inane bullshit is a second they aren’t spending convincing little old ladies to part with their savings.

I thought I’d share one from the weekend with you. If you enjoy it, please let me know in the comments and I’ll post the funnier ones on the blog from time to time.

[11:03:50 AM] pp: can u receive fund we can invest in ur country?

[11:05:23 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Sure!

[11:05:29 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: If you get the currency right.

[11:05:34 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: They are a bit picky here.

[11:07:02 AM] pp: ur name

[11:07:18 AM] pp: I will really like to have a good relationship with you, and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you. I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here ,I am Fredrick Susu 21years old boy from Liberia the only son of Late Dr. Jimmy Susu the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of president Charles Taylor who is now in exile after many innocent soul were killed,

[11:08:03 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, baby! I like this.

[11:08:22 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: I will really like to have a good relationship with you too!

[11:08:53 AM] pp: My father was killed by government of Charles Taylor ,he accuse my father of coup attempt. I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I, am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father’s treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to escape to the Europe she hide away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father’s File which contains important documents.

[11:09:56 AM] pp: Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father’s File which contains important documents.

[11:13:49 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: So you have a… wicked stepmother?

Wicked Stepmother!

[11:14:32 AM] pp: yes

[11:15:59 AM] pp: So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the United Nations High Commission for the Refugee here in the Republic of Ghana, I wish to contact you personally for a long term business relationship and investment assistance in your Country. My father of blessed memory deposited a consignment trunk box that contain the sum of US$15,000,000.00 with a security company with my name as the next of kin. However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.

As you will help me in an investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my fist year in the university, when the crisis started. It is my intention to compensate you with 40% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. i am staying at the female hostel. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over, once the fund has been transferred.

Thanks,

Fredrick Susu

[11:16:10 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: I have a business in alcoholic beverages.

[11:16:26 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Our most famous drink is called Fairy Godmother. Have you heard of it?

[11:17:22 AM] pp: no

[11:17:25 AM] pp: why u ask

[11:17:57 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Ah, it is a most wonderful drink, and a wonderful business. Many people call it their saviour.

[11:18:30 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: I think you will find the Fairy Godmother will save you from your problem with your Wicked Stepmother.

My saviour, my green fairy godmother

[11:18:36 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Do you like dancing?

[11:19:22 AM] pp: yes

[11:19:24 AM] pp: u

[11:19:27 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Yes!

[11:19:36 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: We are to be rich gentlemen, Fredrick.

[11:19:52 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: We must be able to dance, because rich people will invite us to their balls.

[11:20:04 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Maybe even Princes!

[11:20:15 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Do you understand?

[11:20:20 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you imagine that?

[11:20:55 AM] pp: ?

[11:21:34 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: When you have completed your business with the Fairy Godmother, you shall go to the ball, Fredrick!

[11:21:52 AM] pp: ok

[11:21:54 AM] pp: ur age

[11:22:11 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: The Prince will be there, and all the fairest maidens in the land!

[11:23:56 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: What kind of shoes do you like?

[11:24:16 AM] pp: the transaction i tell u

[11:24:28 AM] pp: why cant u talk of it

[11:24:33 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, I can!

[11:24:39 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: I can’t stop talking about it!

[11:24:53 AM] pp: but u never ask me how u

[11:24:58 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: I’m just imagining what we will spend out money on!

[11:25:03 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: What kind of shoes will you get?

[11:25:04 AM] pp: u just talk what i dont understand

[11:27:41 AM] pp: ??

[11:28:20 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Oh, I know! Hey, I heard about these really expensive shoes once, to wear to a fancy ball… they were made of GLASS!

[11:28:23 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Can you imagine that?

[11:32:14 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: …Fredrick?

[11:32:23 AM] pp: hi

[11:32:40 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Glass shoes!

[11:44:42 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Fredrick! SHOES! Made of GLASS! Can you imagine THAT?

[11:45:28 AM] Dave The Happy Singer: Once you’ve done a deal with the Fairy Godmother, you needn’t worry about your Wicked Stepmother! The Prince will invite you to his ball with the fairest maidens in the land and you can wear your Glass Slippers!

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