Top Five #004: Top Five Guilty Pleasures (Movie Edition)

Top Five Guilty Pleasures (movie edition)

Top Five is a show where the hosts categorize, rank, compare, and stratify everything… from cars to gadgets to people and movies. From stuff that is hot, and things that are not nearly as interesting – it’s Top Five.

This week, there are things we like, even if they aren’t that great. When it comes to movie, your hosts has them. Rankin Bass? They Live? Godzilla vs. Mothra? What guilty pleasures make the list, and which ones don’t? You’ll have to listen to find out!

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5. Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo…Terrible comedy with some oddly sweet undercurrents, it stars Rob Schneider for God’s sake. Eddie Griffn as the pimp is a riot, and the weird girls Rob’s character dates are great. This one is totally my wife’s fault.

4. The Matchmaker, a Romantic comedy with Janeane Garofolo. Janeane at her cutest, before she got all political and psycho. The real star of this movie are the inhabitants of the Irish village of Baile na Grá and their interactions with the American Garofolo and each other.

3. Empire Records Total cash-in on 90s slacker films/alternative music explosion. Liv Tyler, Renee Zellweger before they were stars. Has a great soundtrack with really good songs, but the soundtrack album features none of the good music in the film instead features the alt bands of the day. Will watch this any time it is on, lots of quotable lines, “Damn the Man, save the Empire!”

2. Just Friends, another romantic comedy this time with Ryan Reynolds and Anna Faris proving my frequent point that either of those two actors can elevate terrible material to a watchable level. Faris plays a spoiled pop star, to Reynolds’ music manager. Faris is gold in every scene she’s in, as is Chris Marquette who plays the brother of Reynolds’ character.

1. Angus, a mediocre coming of age movie that has James Van der Beek and Kevin Connelly before they were stars and also Kathy Bates and George C. Scott in one of his last roles. Much like Rodrigo with Lost in Space, I quote this movie, and people just stare…”People suck Grandpa!” I really sympathize with the main character in this one. He’s a misfit, with misfit friends, who has a terrible crush on a cheerleader as is of the case in these types of movies. The film is about trying to fit in, and has some ham fisted metaphors, and symbols, and I love them.

My wife puts Just Friends in all the time, it’s as much of a go-to movie as Sweet Home Alabama, so I’ve seen it a ton. I do think Ryan’s boss in the movie is underutilized, he was Milton in Office Space. My main comment is agreeing with Chris Marquette as being good in the movie, they’re interplay as brothers was very funny.

Angus, should be on my list, I waited years and years to try to find that movie on DVD and could never find it; I was so happy when I saw it get added to Netflix a while back.

5. Full Metal Jacket – like watching to movies, I get to see & show others what Marine Corps Boot Camp use to be (and it was fun!!!). Then we see Vietnam “War” in a vey realistic style. “Do you kill any women or children….Sometimes..you just don’t lead them so much”

4. They Live – how prophetic is this movie? “obey” “submit” Rowdy Roddy Piper ‘Nuff Said

3. Das Boot – nothing like seeing the WWII from the other side. (Damn! do I like war movies or what?)

2. Frailty – who knew Dad did see “Demons”

1. A Clockwork Orange – released in 1971 by the great Stanley Kubrick (with an X rating), includes some of the classic movie lines from a language all its own: “Bed ways is rights ways” “I am only trying to save you from yourself” (as McDowell gets hit in the nut sack). Who sings “Singing In The Rain” during a home invasion. Get the 40th anniversay Blu-Ray, which has some great interviews and behind the scenes stuff.

5. Monty Python and the Holy Grail- quote this one constantly, even did a physics project in college where we proved a single swallow could not carry a 1 pound coconut in fact it took around 3.1 swallows assuming a weightless friction less harness and….Get On With It!

4. Popeye(Robin Williams)- you have to watch this one at least a few times just to catch what everyone is saying in between your laughter.

3. Moulin Rouge- I usually don’t care much what music is being listened to or if there even is music but the songs in this are so powerful and/or amusing I just like it.

2. Ben Hur- It should still have the record for number of academy awards. When I grew up I wanted to be Ben Hur.

1. Patton- And finally Patton, I could talk about this movie and the person it portrays all day, just ask Rodrigo, or Rob/ dnd Brian, or anyone else I’ve ever met. One of the most interesting Generals I know of from history he just did things his way and forget anyone who disagrees.

Close runner up, Sound of Music, Lord of the Rings saga but I can’t watch it very often, to much of it.

Man, there are too many… I have to at least restrict by broad (like retail movie rental categories) genres to limit it, in no particular order or thoughtfulness (just the ones that bubble up to the mind right now) so focusing on action (because rom coms, cheesecake / raunchy comedies, documentaries, indie dramas, martial arts, 80s action, etc. could all have their own top 5):

– The Big Hit – One of Marky Mark’s debuts as a “serious actor” is this dark comedy about hitmen, it’s got guns, cars, knives, babes, explosions, and so much schlock. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t hold up (I haven’t seen it in years) but for a while I was able to watch it a ton, even though I knew it was terrible.

– Equilibrium – Yes, I’ve read Fahrenheit 451. Yes, I know there’s a gaping plot hole with the gun swap. Yes, I know that no amount of dancing will allow you to dodge bullets. I don’t care. This is style over substance, with just enough of the latter to let you enjoy the spectacle. The film that thrust Bale into contention for Nolan’s Batman.

– The Quick and The Dead – The best cartoon of the wild west dueling fantasy ever.

– The Rock – Formula, but it’s THE formula film for me.

– Face / Off – Really melodramatic. Two non-action stars in Cage and Travolta. Yet, blended with John Woo insanity it just comes out perfect for American tastes with a tinge of the Hong Kong blood opera.

5. The Quick and the Dead: Don’t feel too bad about liking this movie that is a great western

4. Evolution: Love this movie and keep it recorded on my DVR so I can watch when I want to. Masultav! Its a boy

3. McLintock!: John Wayne in a romantic comedy that I always watch when its on, I like more than any other Duke movie why its a guilty pleasure and why I hated when Christmas with the Duke got replaced with 24 hrs of A Christmas Story.

I’m not sure everyone understands the ‘Guilty’ part of ‘Guilty Pleasure.’

A guilty pleasure is generally a mediocre to bad movie that you’re embarrassed to admit to liking, thus the guilt, but love anyway. They are movies you secretly watch, but don’t walk into work the next day saying, “Man that Romantic Comedy with Sandra Bullock sure is great! Have you seen it?”

I think Cult Films like They Live, Army of Darkness, Holy Grail, or Big Trouble in Little China barely qualify due to their beloved status among geeks and nerds. I think they do qualify when we are among normals, like our wives or girlfriends’ families. It’s conditional. Walking into your LCS and admitting the love of one of these films will be met with agreement not derision. Do the same thing with Sleepless in Seattle, and you’ll understand why guilty pleasures are often kept secret.

I’m not sure any Kubrick film could be considered a guilty pleasure, and films like Patton, Ben Hur and the 10 Commandments are considered classics by most.

Having read and loved the Robert Heinlein novel of Starship Troopers, I absolutely cannot STAND the movie version. If I had never read it, I could probably enjoy Starship Troopers for the mindless craziness that it is, but considering how deep the book was… I just can’t stomach it.

My number one guilty pleasure movie is probably Speed Racer; I absolutely loved the anime as a kid, and the movie was the PERFECT adaptation of that show. The colors were so gorgeous, and it looked like a live action cartoon. Plus the casting was dead-on. John Goodman as Pops Racer? Heck. Freaking. Yeah.

See I listened to the audio of Starship Troopers after having seen the movie a bunch of times and was definitely not expecting what I got. It’s a very cerebral view of the world, and while the writing was intelligent and parts were enthralling, it was SOOO boring that if I hadn’t been just listening to it, there’s no way I’d have gotten through it all. Like I said, good, just not at all what I was expecting.

4) A Night at the Roxbury (1998): Speaking of Dan Hedaya…This movie is completely brainless, but I can still quote it. One of the few Chris Kattan performances that I can stand without wanting to pull my hair out.

2) Son-in-Law (1993): Corn fed Iowa Carla Gugino! And only one of the three notable performances from Pauly Shore that I think anyone could agree with.

1) PCU (1994): Shiftless college lay-abouts hatch plans to keep their house from a seedy university president and a group of rightwing-frat dicks all the while reveling in good old fashioned anti-political correctness. First saw this movie after it came to HBO and has been in love with it ever since. It’s one of those that I will continue to watch even after my kid has a kid and so on. Piven’s best performance, IMO, and where I fell in love with the venerable Jessica Walters. Plus, soundtrack by Steve Vai!

For Pauly Shore, I’d count at least 4 decent movies from him, and yes they’re all guilty pleasure kind of movies. I’d say Bio-Dome, In the Army Now, Son-In-Law, and Encino Man were all pretty good, with an occasional viewing of Jury Duty too. lol

5) Ghost Rider – a lot of folks pan it, but I watched this with my kids and they loved it so much, whenever I see it, it reminds me of how much fun they had when they watched it
4) Darkman – can’t really explain it; I just get the adrenaline rush when I watch it like Liam does when he gets PO’d
3) The Fifth Element – so much fun and who could forget Milla Jovovich’s bandage costume
2) Robocop – The first movie I bought when I bought my first VCR. “I’d buy that for a dollar!”

1) Army of Darkness – think it’s pretty much been said. So many different aspects to it in one nice package. Introduced it to my boys last year (then 9, 7, and 5) and then LOVED it!

Oh man, so many of your top 5s were awesome. Especially The Pest. So horrible and yet so awesome. It’s like scratching an itch in the undershorts of your soul.

I can’t think of 5 right now, but I know right away what my #1 is. Red Dawn. I still have a copy of it on VHS, and I don’t even own a VHS player anymore. Cheesy to the (at least) seventh power, but I love it.

I disagree with the comment above about a guilty pleasure being something so horrible that you don’t want to admit you like it. I think it can mean anything you wouldn’t want to get put in the newspapers that you like.

No. 5 for me would be The Wizard of Oz – the movie, the books, the comics, whatever. Dear Lord, it was written for children so why would an old guy like me still enjoy it?

No. 4 is Young Frankenstien – What Knockers! Slip Brains Though Slot in Door! Abby Normal – I’m pretty sure that was the name!

No. 3 is The Sound of Music. In spite of the oft repeated claims that any man who’s seen this movie more than twice is light in the loafers, I still enjoy this movie. If I may digress a moment, do you know that Germans are nuts about Western movies? A few years back I caught a movie – the title escapes me – a German western with stereotypical cowboys and Indians chasing each other about. There was one scene where the cavalry chases a band of Indians across that very same Alpine meadow where July Andrews sang her famous song. It was hilariously out of place! It’s spoiled that scene from Sound of Music for me.

No. 1 for me is Spaceballs. Some of Mel Brook’s movies are works of genius. Others are just pure trash. Spaceballs is so damn STUPID that it’s funny! “What’s that crawling out of her nose?” “Dear God, it’s Spaceballs!” “Oh shit, there goes the neighborhood…” Dink di dink dink!

Nah, that’s not a guilty pleasure, that’s a shameful secret (which can overlap). To make it easier to think about, consider guilty pleasures that would be outside the consumption of media and in the consumption of food.

It is doubtful that anyone would call a double bacon cheeseburger, a deep fried ice-cream sandwich, a plate of loaded nachos, or a decadent devils food cake particularly shameful… few would mind publicly admitting a vice towards one disastrous delight or another, BUT most WOULD consider them guilty pleasures. Note that this is irrespective of the individual’s shame / guilt- or lack thereof- towards the foodstuff. Whether an obese individual happily gorging themselves towards the grave or a famous health nut on a strict diet, the stuff would still be guilty pleasures. Taking the latter individual, let’s say eating a lettuce sandwich is particularly decadent against the rules of his or her diet… no matter how guilty they felt, it wouldn’t turn it into a guilty pleasure.

So the commonality here is essentially “bad for you and you know it”… analogized to film / media, it doesn’t have to be bad across the board (the food doesn’t have to be fattening, loaded with cholesterol, too sweet, too salty, too large, etc) but it does have to have one or two notable nutritional deficiencies… likewise the guilty pleasure film is significantly “bad for you” in at least a few areas (terrible acting, ridiculous plot, emotionally hollow, cliche pandering, etc) yet you enjoy it nonetheless.

I agree that the food analogy is way better than my description of a guilty pleasure, but I stand by mthe notion that a lot of the movies I mentioned still don’t qualify. Patton, Kubrick etc. are more meat and potatoes than Fried Twinkies, and the Cult films are more exotic fare like sushi or Middle Eastern food.

Number 1: Mortal Kombat – Not the second one that looked like it was done by the people who made Power Rangers, the first one. I like movies that have action without being very bloody. I love the source material. It was pretty well cast and all the classic fights happened just as they should have.

5. Hackers, not sure why, the soundtrack is pretty cool, the references to the “hacker world” are funny as well. Hackers of the world unite.

4. WarGames, predates a lot of stuff, but the trip that Lightman takes to visit his friend Jim, that whole scene is perfect. Also Lightman’s room is a blueprint for any high school kid.

3. The Great Outdoors, John Candy and Dan Ackroyd are gold in this movie.

2. Running Scared, not a fan of Billy Crystal or Gregory Hines, but this movie with all the scenes and references to Chicago just make it for me. All the time I spent in Chicago when I was young (80’s), those scenes remind me just how run down it really was, the cars are classic, all of us can remember seeing those steel boxes moving around the kennedy.

1. Club Paradise, the mother of all Robin Williams films, unbelievable hilarious, as well as Peter O Toole, leading a revolution of the locals.

My definition for my Top 5 is going to have to be movies that I love that I wouldn’t want others to know, maybe not because they’re super terrible by any right, but that your average person might look at me funny if they knew.

5. Willow – When I was a kid HBO ran this movie over and over for months and I made my dad watch it every time it came on and he hated when he saw it on the preview channel. Great movie in my mind, ya peck!

4. Center Stage – It’s a movie about ballet dancing with Zoe Saldana and Peter Gallagher and it’s got some good music and I don’t really know why I like this movie so much.

3. Beastmaster (1 and 2, notsomuch 3) – I LOVED these movies so much as a kid. I have always wanted to be able to talk to and befriend animals and it’s what made me want to own two ferrets too. In the movie Dar’s black Tiger is just regular Tiger with it’s fur dyed black, I swear you can see the lines! (Sadly that paint actually killed the tiger two years later, so yeah.) It was really cool, and those creepy bat creatures that wrapped people up in their wings were terrifying as a kid. Plus it had Rip Torn and John Amos (the dad from Good Times) in it!

2. Ernest Scared Stupid – While I highly enjoyed many of Ernest’s movies (especially Ernest Saves Christmas and Ernest Goes to Jail), for some reason Scared Stupid was my favorite of all of them. It’s ridiculous and stupid and he seldom looks like more of a giant man-child but I love it. Ernest is always a true guilty pleasure, it almost doesn’t matter who you are, if you say you love Ernest you’ll usually get some heavy eyerolls.

1. Sister Act II – Most of my movies are from when I was young, and this is no exception. I liked the first one but when I saw the second one back in 1992 or maybe 1993 probably when I would have gotten it on VHS and I loved the music. I still have the movie and I’ve probably seen it a hundred times. It had a young Lauryn Hill, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and other great ensemble cast which most of the kids at least didn’t go on to do much more. I still love this movie. That is a guilty pleasure. Luckily I hate the movie Hope Floats or I’d have to completely turn in my man card. I’m already skating on thin ice right now as it is.

Honorable Mentions: Sky High, BASEketball, Dead-Alive, Barry Gordy’s The Last Dragon, The Mighty Ducks (1,2,3), Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Super Troopers, Robin Hood Men in Tights, Spaceballs, Surf Ninjas. Some of those are a little too popular or decent to make my main list, but they’re movies I’ll watch anytime I see them.

Oh, Matthew, I love Rent too. My wife talked me into seeing it with her because she liked the play and is into broadway and that kind of thing, so I begrudgingly went to see it and loved it. I bought her the soundtrack and I probably listen to it still more than her. I found it very sad but uplifting, knowing that Mark is the only one out of his group who likely doesn’t have AIDS and he has to watch all of his friends pass away, it’s a very touching film. Also, a small side note, in the scene where Mark goes along with Angel to the AIDS support group and they start singing, there’s one guy there who stands up and sings a line and I recognized him at once as one of the Bash Brothers from Mighty Ducks 2, he was the second Bash Brother.