Friday, July 29, 2011

Sorry to be such a downer these days with bad Hollywood relationships galore, not to mention ones that are permanently over. Definitely something in the air—much more so than usual lately.And, now you can add Lucinda Jones-Smythe and Cubby Asparagus to the endangered couples list. Make that very endangered list."He just can't take it, anymore," complained a close friend of Cubby's recently, regarding his pal's dissatisfaction with his marriage. "He's thisclose to ending it—he just feels like he's drowning in her shadow."Hmmm. Wonder who that could be? Woulda said Marc Anthony, but we sure as hell know what happened there, don't we?!Cubby's probs, apparently, aren't just emotional, but financial, too: We're told when compared to wife Lucy's far more swimming professional situation, Cubby, just feels like his lack of earning power lately is magnified every time he goes home."He's just lost, really," says our mutual friend. "He wants his old life back when they were both really successful, and he just doesn't think it's going to happen while they're together."Don't give up hope, Cubby, you're such a cute couple! And remember, this is Hollywood. Lucy's movies will be in the toilet in no time and you'll be right back to being top dog!It Ain't:
Jessica Alba & Cash Warren, Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos, Julia Roberts & DannyModer

Update August 1 - Ted states that Cubby Asparagus is a different person than Chubby Asparagus from an earlier BV. Two separate people, not a misprint.

1. It was instant attraction when they started rehearsals, despite the fact that he’s supposed to be happily married. On set flirtation, some touching in the trailer, soon became after work “prep time”, and heavy petting in the car, and before long it was a full blown affair. May have been a method situation for him, which would surprise no one, but for her, even though she told herself this was a big girl, mature woman thing to do – take a co-star lover – of course she fell in love, although she obediently went back to her boyfriend and tried to shake it off he cut it off after three weeks as soon as his wife came over to stay. He seems to be able to pretend like it never happened. Which, naturally, is confusing her because she thought it was so real. Of course she did. As it happened, there was a break in the schedule and they haven’t had to work together for a while, much to the studio’s relief. These are big names on a big film with big expectation and there was already enough drama last time around. But shooting with everyone resumes again in a few days, and they’ll be sending an executive to stay around through the stretch to keep a close eye. Babysitting is exactly what it is.

2. Here’s a story her side has been working hard to put out there: that one night he hurt her so badly she had to leave and because she’s so famous, and was so distraught, a hotel wasn’t an option. So she drove herself – a crazy notion in and of itself – to a friend’s, and actually slept on the couch, also hard to believe. But home was supposedly not a safe place for her that night. This is why they’re helping her make a new one.

Monday, July 25, 2011

And people say Possum Santana can't act!Poor, poor Possum. She never really does very well in the movies, as the flicks she stars in rarely do huge box-office numbers, and they almost always get lethal reviews. But Possum is an awfully pretty girl, sure as hell (despite what seem like a million nervous personal twitches). Not to mention she's got a man who's done his best to stick by her sometimes loca side.Too bad, then, that Possum decided to...Cheat on her loyal husband with some pretty-boy type! So fun, but so stupid in the long run.Because you know why? Pretty boy's already done with Possum, who didn't think this whole thing through—at least, not financially speaking.And she didn't think through how it'd play out in the court of public opinion either!Let's be honest: Possum's hubby was a total loser and a bore despite the fact that he was loyal. But she should have been much smarter about it, because now it looks like she's the one who's more in the wrong because, well, she is.Tsk, tsk, tsk, it's really a shame Possum doesn't know how to be more discreet. Because, you know that wave of sympathy Possum's enjoyed so far, regarding the "sad" break-up of her marriage.Going to change.And It Ain't: Brooke Mueller, Halle Berry, Scarlett Johansson

Monday, July 18, 2011

Uh-oh! Could we have another Morgan Mayhem in the mix?Trust, Debbie Doobie isn't hitting the party circuit quite like Ms. Mayhem, but she's taking a few notes on her party-girl ways. Let's back up a sec: You might know Deb from a slew of movies and TV shows that she's appeared in. Totally gorgeous gal with great hair and that whole good-girl vibe to boot!But like any wannabe A-lister working her way up the H'wood ladder, D2 knows how to party. And her poison of choice?Weed, for the most part.Which isn't so bad and will probably be legalized in good ol' Cali before they let two loving dudes tie the knot, but I'm getting off track here. Debbie is a ganja goddess, tho she's good at hiding her stoner ways for the omnipresent paparazzi.However, it wasn't her puffing that had peeps chatting at a swanky pool party the babe recently attended.It was M2's fave little white powder. Coke, duh.Seems Debbie has developed a new habit to accompany her coast-hopping wild ways, and her closest pals are worried that once she boards the blow train, her next stop will be rehab."She's totally becoming unhinged," one Debbie confidant was overhead whispering about her friend's kooky behavior that left many of the other guests wondering what the hell Deb was smoking...Or snorting, in this case.Hey, Debbie, you may want to cool your partying ways and actually listen to your pals—ya know, the ones who aren't slipping you drugs. Just look at how Morgan turned out:Rehab and, worse, straight to the Z-list.And It Ain't: Selena Gomez, Nina Dobrev, Blake Lively

Friday, July 15, 2011

Paulie Pecker certainly doesn't get as much attention as the other folks on his funny boob-tube series. Which is a skanky shame, ‘cause while they all land the big-time tabloid covers for their incredibly Vice-lite behavior, Paulie's out there committing some hilariously horny crap.Take, for instance, P.P.'s latest escapade at a swanky Hollywood hotel, where he had taken a broad he was hoping to bed. Paulie wasn't just DTF tho, he was also...Hammered drunk.Which isn't too shocking, actually—we know Paulie and his pals can booze with the best of ‘em—but P2 seemed to be sporting extra-thick beer goggles on this par-tick night.An onlooker described Pecker's cougarific "date" as mucho older and just as plastered as Paulie, with what little clothes she was wearing already coming off when the twosome popped into the lobby.Unfortch, the hotel was all booked up. Paulie pulled the usual "do you know who I am?" B.S. and then tried slipping some cash to the staff, but he and his lady friend were still denied a room. The drunk duo finally gave up, but while they waited for a cab to come collect them, decided they just couldn't control themselves any longer.Yep, they started going at it right there in the lobby.The hotel workers and a few other guests checking in were not so pleasantly surprised to see Paulie's gal straddle him as the two started making out and pulling each other's clothes off. Body parts, lots of ‘em, were exposed.He shoved his face in her boobs for some motorboat action and she shoved her hand down his pants and things were really heating up as the clothes came off. Which is when Paulie's hump buddy decided that they should slip away to the bathroom to finish the deed.Cue the hotel staff, who kindly told Paulie and his pal they needed to hit the road. Which they did.And It Ain't:John Krasinski, Ty Burrell, Rob Lowe

Update 7/30/11 - Ted has also eliminated B.J. Novak, all of the guys from Glee, all the guys from Big Bang Theory

Snooze... another Lindsay Lohan BV from Ted... this one from Wed July 13

Blind Vice: Morgan Mayhem Demands Drinks, Gets Denied!

If somebody was ever begging to be saved (albeit in a really stupid-ass way), it's gotta be the hard Hollywood-partier, Morgan Mayhem. This fallen, joke of a talent is starting to make Courtney Love look like an A-list star, by feeble comparison.Lame twitter exchanges with fans? Check. Bitter wars with family members over totally bratty things? Check. Hasn't done what got her famous in the first place, for, like, 2 billions years? Check!So, after Morgan's latest P.R. makeover, which was designed solely to make Morgan look like a darling angel, what did the supposedly reformed girl go right out and do?Attempt to get wasted at a very fancy L.A. party, up in the Hollywood Hills.Morgan's hosts are some very happening, quite lovely folks in H-Town, and they were actually excited (and happy) to have Mayhem as a guest—as long as she did just one thing:They did not want M.M. drinking in their luxurious home—at all. Not even a sip. Nada.Even still, when a most indignant Morgan (who's not at all used to being told what she can and cannot do) made a scene by demanding drinks, Mayhem got what was probably the surprise of her life: She was told no, again—and again."The hosts were really nice about it," says one observer who was also at the exclusive get-together in one of Mayhem's more familiar zip codes. "But they were also insistent that they would not serve [Morgan].""This isn't good for you," the hosts finally said to the pretty young thing who was sitting slouched while demanding cocktails. "No, we're not serving you."No?! A word Ms. M's not exactly accustomed to hearing, for sure!But, of course, even though Mayhem was publicly denied from getting her booze on at the exclusive party, she nevertheless figured out how to get tanked elsewhere. On the very same night famed celeb-rehab legend Betty Ford passed away.How ironic. Or would foreboding be a better word?AND IT AIN'T: Amy Winehouse, Bai Ling, Jessica Simpson

Please see the label below for links to the previous Morgan Mayhem BVs.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

There's something about living a fairy-tale life that just dares you to screw it up—or so one would think watching Lord Tripp Unzipped and all his dalliances. Despite having many high-profile affairs, Tripp has never seemed able to find the right looker to settle down with, that is, until he met the gorgeous Lady Unzipped.And my, how the world ate it up, watching Lord and his pretty partner in marriage settle down—with lots and lots of future poshly positioned heirs to look forward to.Right?No. Quite wrong, in fact. The only thing that's really a stunner here is that Tripp's spouse went along with the matrimonial plan—even though this now incredibly rich partner (like many an Unzipped-friendly source) knows full well that not only does Lord U fool around, he's not exactly picky about who he gets into bed with, male or female.And anybody who's anybody within this royal set is taking bets on (a) how long it'll be before Unzipped eventually chooses a less than discreet conquest romance, (b) when that will get out to the press and (c) just when (not if, but, when) is Lady Unzipped going to run screaming to anybody—and any publisher—who will listen about what a damn cheating, sloppy schmuck this Unzipped dude really is.Impressive title be damned.It Ain't: Elton John, Prince Edward, Sean Connery

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Hostess with the mostess Anita Sunshine is known for her strong views and mostlycheery disposition.And while the chatty Kathy has been known to spar with her fellow showmates, nothing has ever been this big of an issue behind the scenes of the chatfest.Well, until now, that is.You see, these très-loyal cohosts used to be practically inseparable, even hanging out when the cameras stopped rolling! But it appears the glory days are over...Turns out Anita's cohost wants to move on to greener pastures—ya know, pastures without Anita.Oh and by greener, you bet your ass we mean money-wise. Anita's friend turned frenemy is looking at cashing in a serious paycheck if the next gig works out right. We're talking big-time Hollywood bucks here, peeps.And Anita ain't happy about it!In fact, she's downright pissed. And so is the rest of the show's team, who feel like Anita's right-hand guy or gal will be deserting everything they have built together.But Anita's partner in crime already has one foot out the door, so it's just a matter of time before we hear what network this personality will be popping up on next!We would watch out tho, Anita may seem all sugar and spice, but we wouldn't put it past this broad to seek some sort of revenge.We're sure we'll be seeing you again real soon, Anita!And It Ain't: Anne Curry, Wendy Williams, Ellen DeGeneres

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

King Schlong is at it again, folks.Same old cheating crap, new gorgeous gal-pal getting duped by his charming ways.See, K.S. swapped one chick for another (as he does so often), but this time he actually seemed to be into his gal of the moment. And stupidly, we thought the King may have turned over a new leaf for a hot second there. But turns out this Hollywood playboy can't change his spots.Like at all...‘Cause the gal this dude is publicly romancing ain't the only chick he's getting down and dirty with.We hear firsthand that the Schlong is not only wooing the ladies while his sorta-GF is out of town working on some swanky project or another, but he is texting numerous girls even when they're in the same city!At a recent dinner in Los Angeles, a buxom brunette model (totally King's type) couldn't get her plastic-surgery-perfected nose out of her smart phone, where she spent the evening swapping skanky texts with the super schlong and giggling at everything he sent her.Totally déjà vu, huh? Doesn't King know that no one in this town keeps their trap shut?Turns out the two have been sexting since like forevs, but at least this gal knows she ain't the only lady on the side.As the dark-haired beauty bragged to her dinner dates, "We talk all the time and hang out, but it's nothing serious."Um, maybe someone should tell K.S.'s GF to take on a similar ‘tude?AND IT AIN'T: Jason Statham, Kris Humphries, Michael Sheen

Please refer to our label below for a link to our previous King Schlong BVs.

Disclaimer

The "exposed" celebrities mentioned in this blog are purely guesses. They are the thoughts and opinions of the authors of this blog in response to reading various gossip columns. Do not take our guesses, or photos posted of our guesses, as fact or as a source of accurate information. We are doing this for entertainment purposes only.

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