The teeth tear into me, but I cannot struggle, cannot cry out. Can only endure in silent desperation, entreating the distant mercy of death.

One final thought drifts above my roiling sea of agony.

At least I’m edible…

****************

…And that’s the first time I’ve ever written from the point of view of a pair of edible underwear. Might not be the last, though – you never know. Every pair has a story, however tragically, er, brief.

It all started with Nigel Blackwell’s post, “What’s In A Name? I’m A Pig”. The post includes the French Revolutionary Calendar, in which my birth day is named “millet”. So I commented, “blah, blah… at least I’m edible… blah, blah”.

Whereupon Madame Weebles dared me to write a post with that title. There was actually a small wager involved, but it wouldn’t be fair to hold her to it. She’s one of my newer blogging buddies, and I don’t think she’d read my post “Doin’ It On A Dare”.

With a title like that, it was tempting to go raunchy, but… nah, too predictable. I can write dirty jokes about anything, so it was far more interesting to write about edible underwear without a single rude word or double entendre.

…’Cause it seemed like a good idea to keep my edible undies clean. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

24 responses to “At Least I’m Edible”

WHY WHY WHY do your new posts not show up in my blog feed??? I just clicked on your blog link because it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen any new posts from you in a long time. I am NOT pleased with WordPress right now.

Anyway, YAY for this post!! I love your writing style. It’s very very crisp. And my offer of payment still stands. 😉

One of my biggest fears involves being eaten alive by a wild animal. Reading this post was the closest I’ve ever gotten to actually imagining the event in any detail. I don’t care if it was about underwear — I’m not going outside today.

Got to admit it was obviously hilarious when I read it the second time after I found out it was about underwear. Man I thought it was literally about several of the cannibal cases in the US in just weeks.

You had me at Brief Jerky, really, but the old saw about wearing Milk-Bone underwear in a dog-eat-dog world jumps to mind too quickly. I have to say, you really seem to releate to and understand the protagonist’s POV – perhaps too well. Is there anything you’d like to share with today’s group session, Diane?
The other thing the fierce heat laving the protagonist and the burgeoning lust reminded me of was this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-1aui-wluE — which I’m sure you’ve seen, yes?
Anyway, brilliant!

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