"What it must look and smell like when a movie brain vomits. Truly worthless."
-Variety

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Michael Bay's latest Sausage Fest

Tell the truth, ladies! Why buy the whole pig for just a little bit of sausage, am I right? Anyway, as it turns out, even Michael Bay's getting burned out with the Transformers. And so,... like Keanu Reeves doing a bunch of small movies in between the big Matrix sequels, Michael Baby.. Bay goes slumming with a small, independent Fargo-esque feature called Pain & Gain. Ah, is there anything more exciting to a filmmaker than doing a small independent film about a true story of a bunch of losers? To be fair, though, the losers in Bay's film have way more muscles. I mean, remember Frances McDormand in Fargo? Sheesh! Did she have a pot belly or what? She put on, like, 200, 300 pounds to play that role? And for what? For a little thing called an Oscar. There's more to life than Oscars, you know, Fran.
Anyway, back to the Bay. Pain & Gain's budget, according to the IMDb, is $25 million. Transformers 3 cost $195 million. You gotta hand it to Bay, anyway. So far, James Cameron seems unwilling to take a step down in budgets... unless you count Aliens of the Deep and the others he didduring the Dubya administration. A lot of filmmakers seem to have gone into hibernation during that ill-fated time. Chuck Russell, for example, who last directed The Scorpion King in 2002. He's got something called Arabian Nights coming up in 2014 and, as the IMDb's "trettfilms" rightly points out... Finally, Chuck is back! I guess the point is... who cares? On to the next batch of dreck.