A blog for those in the know. And by "in the know," I mean those who celebrate Steven Seagal's entire oeuvre.

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Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Pussycat Dolls and their collective right to live

I spent an unhealthy amount of time yesterday pondering the collective fates of the Pussycat Dolls.

What constitutes an unhealthy amount of time is debatable, of course. I probably spent about five minutes honestly thinking about it while on a run last night, followed by another five minutes thinking if it would be something worth writing about. All told, that's 10 minutes of thinking about the demise of a presumed one-hit wonder pop group with no redeemable social values, which is probably about 11 minutes too many.

Who are the Pussycat Dolls you ask? First off, I will laugh at your limited pop culture range, while simultaneously brooding my irreversible status as a 25-year-old jettisoned from the desired demographic of MTV culture. After that, I will explain that the Pussycat Dolls are a singing group of six reasonably attractive young women who have a hit song called "Don't Cha" on heavy rotation at MTV, Z-100 and the like right now. I suppose they are supposed to be the younger, cuter, American cousins of the Spice Girls, even if "Don't Cha" couldn't hold a candle to "Wannabe," "2 Becomes 1" or even "Spice Up Your Life" for that matter. I shouldn't know that.

It should also be noted that their name contains a slang word for female genitalia, which I'm 90 percent sure a really fat record executive with a pony tail and a big cigar (a.k.a. the guy from Wayne's World) came up with. Not really relevant here, but I thought it warranted mentioning.

So the Pussycats, comprised of Alpha Dog lead singer Nicole Scherzinger, Carmit Bachar, Ashley Roberts, Jessica Sutta, Melody Thornton and Kimberly Wyatt, have this new song that more or less is the worst fucking thing I've ever heard.

Musically, I've heard sorrier summer Top 40 anthems. It's not going to be confused with Sugar Ray's "Fly" or any other summer classic but it ain't LFO's "Summer Girls" either. It kind of just cruises along for three minutes or so with a semi-catchy hook, aided greatly by a video that showcases the girls jumping around a lot and basically whoring it out. No problem there. Added bonus points for succeeding despite a superfluous and awkward Busta Rhymes cameo.

So musically and visually, you could do worse. But then there are the lyrics...

Now I understand examining the lyrical content of a singing group that names themselves after their own private parts is akin to studying the acting habits of Mario Lopez, but this is something that had to be addressed and I doubt Kurt Loder or Greg T. "The Frat Boy" were going to touch this one.

Let's start from the top:

Baby ooooh I know you like me (I know you like me) I know you do (I know you do) Thats why whenever I come around She's all over you (she's all over you) I know you want it (I know you want it) It's easy to see (it's easy to see) And in the back of your mind I know you should be fucking me (babe)

Catchy, I know. Let's break this down. So you're a Pussycat Doll and you see some dude on the dancefloor that you decide you want to take home, presumably to bone. The guy's girlfriend sees you are flirting with him on the dancefloor, so the girlfriend understandable attempts to "mark her territory" if you will, by dancing closer on her man. That defense won't deter a Pussycat, however, who whisper sweet nothings into the ear of their prey in an effort to make the subject realize he "should be fuckin'" them. Very nice.

Okay. So if you're a straight dude, or a lesbian, or even a gay dude who watches Jessica on Laguna Beach, you know that 94 percent of women are inherently crazy. And crazy girls like the Pussycats are one of the reasons that normal girls become crazy. I mean, you have to be a pretty mean-spirited bitch to pick off some other girl's man right in front of her eyes. But only the most slutty and vindictive of these homewreckers will actually brag about it and turn it into a three minute pop song. Amazing.

I know she loves you (I know she loves you) So I understand (I understand) I probably be just as crazy about you If you were my own man Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime) Possibly (possibly) Until then no friend possibly Is a drag for me

A lover's lament? Hardly. The closing verse insinuates that if the Pussycat and her target, ahem, man, can't bang on this night, it ain't happenin'. The Dolls even pull the existential card, declaring a future hookup must wait until "next lifetime." That's some deep stuff. The Cats close shop by saying friendship is not an option. Fair enough.

And now back to my original point. Last night, I wondered if the Pussycats had actually sealed their fates by releasing such a overtly negative and nasty song for public mass consumption. I even toyed with the idea of whether or not they deserved to die for a song that re-inforces such hurtful behavior to millions of impressionable young girls. In retrospect, I may have been a little out of line even within the confines of my inner-monologue, but it warrants mentioning.

Don't worry about me though. Maybe I'm missing the whole point -- the "Pussycat Experience" if you will.

"We're the newest thing, man. We're a song-and-dance group, and it's not just another cookie-cutter group. It's just like our song says, we're 'Hot, Raw, Freaky and Fun,' " said the Alpha Dog Scherzinger. "I just think we're on the forefront of groups to come out. The Spice Girls weren't bad, but we're the newer version. So I guess it's not 'Girl Power,' it's 'Doll Power.' "

On second thought, I don't think I'm missing a thing. Please excuse me while I curl up on the couch and pop in my Ginger Spice solo album.

38 Comments:

"Bye, bye Miss American pie...Sometimes odd things happen and you just can't say why. I ended my blog last week by quoting Don McLean's song Vincent , and today, after Hurricane Katrina, the first words that came into my mind as I sat down ...Hello neat blog you got, great stuff I bookmarked it.!

I actually know all the pussycat dolls, not all the ones you see singing, but before they were a singing group they had a cabaret style dance show and they often had guest stars such as gwen stefani, carmen elektra, christina applegate etc.. they also did a lot of back up dancers on tours and what not. they would do these cabaret style shows at the roxy in hollywood and i was always behind the scenes enjoying myself with fifteen to twenty nearly naked hot bodies. i wasn't complaining.

anyway, most of them are sweethearts, but that's not why i am writing,

i was there the instant the ball really started rolling for them to morph into an actual musical group (it happened back stage at jay leno when they were dancing for a famous unnamed rock band) and i remember the first thing that went through my head was something not too dissimilar from your post right here. it was really hard not to shake my head and say noooooooo -- doooon't dooooo it.

anyway, point is, yeah, it's manufactured for sure, but it was primarily manufactured by the lead dancer/choreographer/brain/originator robin antin ( her brother is the douchebag who stars in bravo's "Blow out", robin isn't even in the musical act she stepped aside to make sure the band was as marketable as possible. but no, they were the pussycat dolls long before records or managment were ever part of the equation.

carmit and the black chick (whose name i forget) are the only two i recognize from the cabaret act.

so there you go -- not that you wanted an inside scoop, but you got one nonetheless.

sorry about the anonymous nature of the post, but i'm actually still chummy with the other girls and they really are sweet. at least to me. even if i do think the music sucks major balls.

don't forget that earlier this year, the song was also released by atlanta singer tori alamaze. not only do the pussycat dolls suck at anything but hooching it up (okay and dancing i guess, sort of), they aren't even original at it.

Thanks for the reminder about LFO "Summer Girls", "steal your honey like I stole your bike", those insightful lyrics always reminded me of the one summer where I stole this dude's chick, and later stole his primary means of transportation, presumably.

Before last night, as I saw the Pussycats on "Dancing With the Stars," I had never heard of them. Talk about being out of the MTV or any other advertising demographic (I'm 54). I found this blog looking for info on the PD's. Very interesting and insightful stuff. Having 3 children of my own I have long railed on how young girls are over-sexualized in the pop culture. Overall it's been a damaging thing, mostly to girls. It's good to see others concerned with this. That having been said, I was still impressed by their act visually. They did "Don't Cha" and another older song about dancing which I can't remember the title of. Very lively choreography and they could sure sing. They didn't strike me as being so "hip-hoppy" which is a good thing. Maybe my mind would change should I hear more of them. I don't think that their music would impress me unless it was a visual show, "hooching it up," as was mentioned. I think choice of music is the determination of who they would appeal to, I think. Just a thought.

I think all of u r crazy the pussy cat dolls are so cool u should just leave them alone no one ever asked for your opinoion so just because they're beautiefuller than all of u doesn't make them horrible plus it was just oh and that other guy who came here was just gross so leave them alone!!!!!!!!!

the pussycat girls are okay, but the lead singer. I can see she dont want that black or spanish girl to outshine her. the girl can sing also and she dont have no music part. usually groups dont stay together anyone. girls always want to out do the other ones. and there are 3 girls up there that are just plain ugly.carol taylor-evans

Well if u ask me im not from America but i think the Pussycat dols r ace!! I av there album an everytin i wish i could meet them and any1 who dosnt lik da pussycat dolls must be crazy!! There best songs r

Dont chaButtonsStickwitu an Beep I like Nichole the best an i think they r all lucki to be singers!! c'ya!!

Hello ashely ur the best u r kind sweet and nice i like u all but i am ashely we got a crew at school hi to all ma family and my gf's and my bf's and plus my sxc boy louis colemaan i love u for eva and always babe u r the best u will always be innit babe ur fukin sxc..... love sophie allen

PCD'S performed in a private party in which the top business and wealthy people attended in Egypt... i dunno why i had the feeling that there was a hidden auction during the show on who pays how much for which girl... Who's behind them??

ew. The pussycat dolls are nasty. They reek of communicable disease. Sexy is one thing. Which they are not. It is an entirely different thing when they are no-talent ho's who sing GOD AWFUL-- and I mean awful--songs. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.

I actually found this post by typing "Pussycat Dolls Suck" into Google. Entirely possible you could take that both ways - because we both know that they suck in two ways. BUT, on point here - I concur with your point of view on this particular scum at the bottom of the pop culture pond. But what I don't agree that your thoughts were 10 minutes too long to be wasted. I think that you pretty much wasted 10 minutes, 59 seconds too much time. 1 second is all they deserve. If that.

Yeah, I know that the phrase "girl power" is cliche and hated by many anti-feminists, but at least when I hear this, it makes me think, hey, even though I'm a girl, I can do anything if I put my mind to it! I'm going to cure cancer!

But doll power???

Here's what comes to my mind:

Sure, I could go to college for four years - after high school - to earn a B.A., then spend an extra four years in grad studies to get my masters'... or I COULD just strip and/or suck cock for cash. That, or I could doll myself up and become the trophy wife (or mistress) of a wealthy business man who is old enough to be either my father or grandfather. Whatever gets me through life without thinking. Tee hee!

Somebody needs to hand these "ladies" a copy of "A Doll's House" by Henrik Ibsen. Maybe then they'll see how "dolls" are treated.

About Me

Dan Hanzus is a lifelong baseball fan who has followed the Bronx Bombers since Don Mattingly homered in his first game at Yankee Stadium in 1987. Dan has worked with Major League Baseball and is a writer and producer living in Hollywood. He can be reached at dhanzus@gmail.com.