Hi. My name is Clark and this is my blog. My intent is to entertain and I'd like this to be more than "Clark And What Pisses Him Off" (although there will definitely be some of that) so I'll be posting some short humorous fiction as well. I hope you like it.
WARNING: Sometimes I will cuss. And I will also embellish facts (ie: lie) in the interest of making things funnier than they really are. Just so you know.

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Clark's Favorite Things 2014 (Part VI of VII)

Shopping is one of those things that usually qualifies as a necessary evil for me. I hate the mall. The mall is everything that is wrong with being alive, mostly the incredible waste of perfectly good time plus subjecting yourself to being treated as less than human.

Oh God. Eff that noise.

My ideal shopping experience would be to jump out of my truck while it was still moving, execute a combat roll, run inside and get what I want, run back outside and jump back in my truck a little further down the block. In other words, to get in and out as fast as humanly possible. Usually that's the case. There are exceptions in that there are stores where I actually enjoy spending time.

Here are my favorite places to shop during those rare occasions when that is something I want to do...

I used to love spending hours and hours in record stores. Just walking around, picking stuff up with your hands and looking at it. I would usually spend way more money than I should have yet somehow, I never regretted it. Same thing with book stores. With the exception of some small independents (which are great), both record stores and book stores are pretty much a thing of the past. Thank goodness for Barnes and Noble, somehow bucking the trend. Big, comfy, cozy places where you can spend hours looking at all kinds of stuff, including music. Some of them even have toys now!

OFFICE DEPOT/STAPLES

I love being organized. Scratch that: I love the idea of being organized. Office supply stores are a fantasy organizer's dream world. Oh, so many things I could use to get my shit together. Dry erase boards, storage boxes, highlighter pens, calendars as far as the eye can see! I could be the most efficient person on the planet... if I ever actually used the stuff I buy there for the purposes intended. Maybe some day I'll actually mount one of the dry erase boards I've purchased over the years to a wall or something.

FLEA MARKETS

I like weird people. I like weird stuff. Where else can you become the proud owner of weird people's weird stuff?

Also, home to the sexiest chili dog eating models in all of Hillsborough County!

LAND and SEA MARKET

While I am a fan of all that Publix has to offer, there's a chain of markets I like even better: Land and Sea. There are only three locations, all in the Tampa Bay area and I've written about them before, a looooong time ago (maybe if I write about them more often, they'll find out and give me free stuff). They're not nearly as big as Publix as they're not full-scale supermarkets. They have some produce and various other items but it's a place to buy meat, poultry and seafood. The best part is the service. Everyone who works there is capable of answering any question you might have. This is ideal for those of us who like to be adventurous when it comes to cooking but might not be too sure of what we're doing. And if you can't remember what they tell you, don't worry; they print the instructions right on the label that goes on the package!

CBS Tampa's Most Valuable Blogger Award 2011 Winner

Who's this guy?

Originally from Benton Harbor, Michigan, I have lived in the Tampa Bay area for over 20 years now. I am a published writer with numerous internet columns, magazine articles and a documentary film credit. I've also done professional announcing and acting. I like to make fun of stupid people in positions of authority when they do stupid things. While that implies that I think I'm somehow superior to them, nothing could be further from the truth.