Encountering a Guru

“Your body is yours but it’s not you. It is the same with your mind, thoughts, feelings, and intellect. They are yours, but they are not you. You are the seer who sees through the eyes, you are the perceiver who feels the emotions, you are the thinker behind the thoughts.”—Amma

“Have a guru? Who would ever do that? Give up control to another person? Never!” That’s what I said when my best friend invited me to meet Amma in Apple Valley, California, June 1994.

“But she’s kind of like a living saint, or like Jesus. She’s the divine Mother. Don’t you at least want to meet her?” my friend pressed.

My thoughts raced: I’m not closed-minded. Why am I reacting like this? Why would I trust a “guru”? And what’s a divine mother? But… I like her smile [in the pictures I’ve seen]. What could be so bad? Okay, what the heck.

Amma throwing petals, March 19, on tour in Coimbatore, Tamil Nadu

And so it began. We traveled to Los Angeles for what would be our first annual ritual: two moms and two daughters on a three-day retreat among strangers.

I told myself that it would be a meaningful “cultural event.” Walking onto the California Polytechnic State University campus in Ponoma, where the event was held, we melted into a crowd of retreat-goers, half of them Indian, half Western, mostly wearing white under colorful prayer shawls. They walked about in small clusters waiting nervously for Amma to appear. They greeted one another with smiles and the soft mantra “Om Namah Shivaya.”

Strangely enough, it was like I’d found my long lost family. After a sumptuous vegetarian meal and some light shopping, we sat, captivated by Big Swami’s (Amma’s right-hand assistant) sweet, inspiring stories. We chuckled, sighed, wept, and felt our resistance melting away.

Before our trip, I started reading about Amma, who turned out to be fascinating. An uneducated, dark-skinned girl from a fishing village in Kerala, India, this modern-day Cinderella had become an international spiritual leader and humanitarian activist. In her presence, I found Amma to be powerful, loving, fearless, an embodiment of the ideal mother radiating both fierce love and gentle protection.

Her clear brown eyes sparkled and her big-armed-hugs drew us in as she called out, “my daughter, my daughter,” infusing us with waves of energy. Pure rose filled my nostrils as I fell into her powerful yet soft, velvety skinned embrace. The moment seemed infinite. Held by an unconditionally loving, knowing, wise, and accepting Mama-source, I understood the words divine mother.

Woven throughout the program was Amma’s incomparable music. Her bhajans (spiritual songs), joyful, vitalizing, and full of devotion, featured her captivating voice. Mostly in Sanskrit and other Indian languages, these songs permeated our bodies and penetrated our souls, taking us in and out of a blissful trance.

We sat on the floor rocking to the reedy harmonium (keyboard) and ecstatic sounds of the tabla (drums). Along with hundreds of other loving faces we sang every line back to Amma, connected in a state of complete oneness.

Amma never stopped. Totally present with one person at a time for six, eight, even ten hours at a time, she never took a break. Greeting and loving each individual regardless of their size, shape, ethnicity, or religion, Amma poured out continuous—and contagious—unconditional love.

We noticed something else: genuine kindness. Everywhere. Even security and hotel and grounds staff (they got hugs, too) were walking around smiling. Security commented that they’d never seen such peaceful crowds, ever. This was not a homogeneous group. Random guests arrived as if a magnet had pulled them in. Several said they’d dreamed about Amma before they’d ever heard of her. They had to come, they said.

Four years later, I couldn’t say I had a guru. Yet we never missed a beat; year after year our pilgrimage to her drew us in, and our love deepened with every visit. Amma’s efforts as a worldwide humanitarian and spiritual teacher increased. She’s built orphanages, universities, and hospitals; supported widows; created programs to heal Mother Earth; offered disaster-ridden countries support; and empowered youth worldwide. The magnitude of her activism is mind-blowing. By the time she initiated “Embracing The World,” a nonprofit global network of regional humanitarian organizations that began around 15 years ago, Amma’s universe had become our other life. (Visit embracingtheworld.org to learn more.)

Five years ago Amma opened the MA Center Chicago (MACC), her largest ashram in the US. Its 142 acres of farmland in Elburn, Illinois, support organic farming, natural beekeeping, permaculture, and cultural programs. Having moved to Chicago in 2004, I found MACC to be a dream come true. Sleeves rolled up, my daughter and I started our weekly pilgrimage out into the “country.” Every Saturday people show up to chant, meditate, learn, sing bhajans, and share a homemade dinner ($5 donation—all you can eat!).

Amma wants us to find daily quiet time, enjoy a healthy lifestyle, and acquire a devotional conscientious attitude. Her suggestions guide us toward a life of service and joy by encouraging us to live our dharma (path, or duty). Her knowledge of a wide range of subjects—religions, science, medicine, and history—is vast and seasons her poignant yet simple teachings. Significantly—at least to me—there’s no charge to attend Amma’s public programs.

About eight years after I met Amma, I heard myself quietly refer to her as, yes, my guru. The real meaning of the word guru is “remover of darkness,” which fits. The light that Amma has given me, and from my perspective, given the world, is incalculable. I talk to her, and I get a response. My higher self, my Divine—Amma—answers. For me, having this connection is the key to knowing there is nothing to fear, nothing to lose. Support, wisdom, love…it is always right here.

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Amma will be in Chicago at MA Center Chicago from June 20 to 22. Program times are not yet known, but there will be several options for both day and evening visits. It’s suggested that you arrive early to get a “token” for the line to meet Amma. For updates, see chicago.amma.org or the Facebook page for MA Center Chicago. MA Center Chicago is located at 41 W501 Keslinger Rd., Elburn, Illinois.

Ellen Radha Katz MS, LMFT, is an Amma devotee and an integrative psychotherapist with practices in Los Angeles and Chicago. Her email address is ellenkatz@mac.com.