Sunday, December 5, 2010

Last week I wrote a post entitled "Change"; it really ran off topic and to places I didn't really expect - I hadn't even realised that was where my mind was at. It was a good reminder to myself of how far I have come. There are days when I feel that I am not getting anywhere and that I am at a stand still.

This is particularly true since I have been struggling with Chronic Fatigue. It is so hard to be focused on healing when I don't have the energy for simple tasks - like cooking my own dinner. Yet thinking back on this year I realised that I have started to accept my parts so much more than any point in my life. I fight them less and have come to rely on certain parts - I don't know how I would have got through the last few months with out Stacy to help me. I have grown to love them - even the difficult ones. I see this a huge progress - especially when I think back to 2007 when I started therapy - I wouldn't tell my psychologist about my parts and didn't want to acknowledge their existence in any way. I still struggle to see them as part of me - when people say this to me I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from arguing. They feel like separate individuals to me. But one step at a time.

I think a huge lesson I have learnt since I have had Chronic Fatigue, is that I need to take the time to care of my body and my mind. If I don't then it will fall apart and wont be able to carry me through this life. I often want to put other people, things, work, uni etc. before myself - particularly when it comes to my physical health. However if I don't stop to take care of myself it will effect my ability to do those things in the future - even more so if I don't take care of myself in the now. While this is a lesson I have learnt more in the light of physical health, I realise the truth of it in relation to mental health too.

It is hard to see progress when you look at your own healing journey, particularly in the short term. But as time rolls by and you look back at where you were, you do see how far you have come. I read a few different blogs of survivors, all who are at different places with their healing - some I look at and wonder how I will ever get to the place they are at. Some are just starting their healing journey and may even look at my blog and think where I am at is out of reach. But each path is different and we shouldn't try to compare; as hard as that is at time. However what I want to get at was that we will all get there eventually, if we keep working at it. Even in those times when we feel we are at a stand still we are still making baby steps - steps that may be so small that we don't see the progress now but when we look back later we will see that we have moved forward.

2
comments:

I couldn't agree more - it's so difficult to gauge ones own healing within the short term, and so easy to negatively compare ourselves against others achievements. It's all about perspective...

Balancing healing with the other demands in our lives can be difficult. But then, if we don't heal, then the other things in our life won't be fulfilling. The short term concentration on our healing, leads to long term benefits for all areas of our lives.

Post a Comment

Welcome

As a survivor of child sexual abuse and a person living with DID I have a lot to heal from. This blog is about my healing journey in relation to my everyday life. If you would like to know more about this blog please check out About Multiplicity.

Please have a look around, and feel free to comment and ask questions. I do read and appreciate all comments and try to respond either in the comments section or posts.

Expressive Arts Carnival

Each month Paul, a friend and the creator of the carnival, posts an activity in which survivors of abuse can participate and submit. At the end of each month Paul then posts each of the pieces of artwork in the carnival.

In his words; "The purpose of these activities is not to provide therapy. Instead, the goal is to build a healing community where people can submit what they have done related to a monthly theme."

Everyone is given full credit, either under a pseudo-name or their real name as the artist chooses. If the artist desires, a link to their blog is attached to their artwork. Overall, I think this is an amazing project and I really encourage everyone to check it out and for those who wish, I hope you participate.