(On a busy Sunday, we are short staffed on the tills and my manager jumps on a till to give us a hand. A customer comes up to him and hands him a piece of folded newspaper and a beer.)

Customer: “This is free, so just give me a bag and I’ll go.”

Manager: “Umm, I’m afraid you haven’t yet paid for your item, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you a VOUCHER!”

(The manager unfolds the newspaper scrap which turns out to be a barcode (or most of one) and nothing else.)

Manager: “Sir, I can’t accept this; there is no voucher here. You can’t pay with barcodes.”

(The customer is now getting angry and agitated, and several customers behind him are starting to get impatient. So my manager attempts to scan the barcode “just this once”, but it is not recognised by the till.)

Manager: “Can I ask where you got this voucher, sir? It doesn’t seem to be on our system.”

Customer:*now red with anger* “I DON’T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MYSELF TO YOU! *slams beer down on the til* “FINE! I’LL JUST LEAVE!”

(He stormed out of the shop, ranting about the “attitudes of the staff.” My manager and I shared a bewildered look with each other, and with some of the regulars waiting in the queue.)

(There are four self-checkout stations in this store; customers line up in one line for all four then go to whichever one is available. I am first in line with one gentleman behind me when a woman walks around us and stands directly behind another customer at the checkout. She stands so close that the other customer can barely move.)

Customer:*to me* “Oh, were you in line?”

Gentleman: “Yes, I am in line already and this young lady is ahead of both of us.”

Customer:*grinning* “I’m sorry!” *points to another checkout being used by another customer* “Look, that one’s open, you can go over there!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a man there still ringing up his groceries.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, sorry!”

(The customer grins again and moves even closer to the woman at the checkout, so that her chest is almost touching the woman’s back.)

Me:*to gentleman behind me* “You deal with her if you want. She’s in a bigger hurry than I am and I am in no mood for her brand of crazy.”

(A local couple has come up with a “smart” trick how to speed up the waiting time during the rush hours when paying in the supermarket. She will grab something trivial and dash for the checkout and queue while he does the shopping, then finally pushes to the front with his loaded cart, saying “my wife is already there.” They are pretty well known (and loathed, not only for this), and since she is in front of me, I know what is coming up behind me eventually, especially since she is more focused on what’s behind her than actually going for the checkout. A minute later…)

Me: “Oh, you’re such a lovely couple. Of course she’ll wait for you ’til IT IS YOUR TURN!”

Husband: “But she’s been queuing for us!”

Me: “No, she’s been queuing for her yogurt.”

(I let him rant and rave about how I MUST let him pass for his wife is waiting. By now she’s started to chime in and I get berated in stereo. Then he suddenly backs up a little and rams his cart into my heel.)

Me: “Hey! Stop that!”

Husband: “No! Let me pass!”

(He backs up again to hit me with the cart again and, as this clearly took me by surprise, I just so happen to jump when the cart hits me, and, clumsy me, I land right inside the cart, crushing eggs and other perishables in my fall. And if I hadn’t first seen that those eggs have being hidden under something that could absorb the snot they spewed out as they exploded, I might not have been so clumsy… His yelling at me, sitting in his cart, caused me to panic, of course, which meant that me climbing out of the cart spilled what was not spoiled already. Of course, the ruckus didn’t go unnoticed and the manager appears.)

Manager: “What happened?!”

(The manager gets a brief summary from everyone around.)

Manager:*to the couple* “You will be required to pay for the damage caused.”

(This is met with even more yelling and screaming.)

Husband:*pointing to me* “If anyone had to pay it would be him!”

(Eventually they left, still ranting, now being banned from the store. Just to illustrate just HOW much that couple is known and loathed: Instantly two other people in the queue offered to pay for the damage in case I’d be stuck with it.)

Manager: “Finally having a reason to get rid of them for good is more than he could ask from me.”

(I offered to help with the cleaning of the mess I made, which was again declined with a similar statement by the staff.)

(She rushes off into the supermarket, leaving the whole line standing and waiting. She’s gone a long time, and everyone is showing signs of impatience. Eventually she comes back carrying the price tag and special offer notice that she’s ripped off the shelf.)

Customer: “You see! There’s supposed to be a discount of [amount].”

Employee: “Yes, ma’am. There’s the discount correctly shown on the line below the item.” *she shows her on the display*

(She fishes around in her purse for some time before producing her loyalty card.)

Customer:*repacking a bag* “No, don’t put that in this bag.” *she fusses around, transferring items from one bag to another*

Employee: “Your total is [amount].”

(She spends some time looking slowly through her wallet before she produces a credit card.)

Customer: “And I’d like [amount] cash back, please.”

(The employee processes the transaction and hands her her cash back. With a look of relief, the employee turns to me, next in line.)

Customer: “Wait! You gave me all hundreds. Can you please give me two fifties instead of this hundred? I need some change.”

Employee: “I’ve already closed the drawer ma’am. You’ll have to wait until it opens for the next transaction.”

Customer: “You’re so slow and inefficient. Don’t you know that I have a dog waiting in my hot car?”

Customer Behind Me:*coming forward* “Here, I’ve got change for you.”

(He handed her two fifties for her hundred and she finally left, still muttering about the dog in the hot car. I quickly finished checking out, and walked out into the parking lot. I walked past the customer, busy putting her bags into her car. There was no dog in the car.)