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Shame on Him

I’m not certain of the precise moment she showed up. One day, between learning of my parents’ imminent divorce and the events leading up to a Protection from Abuse order involving my mom’s subsequent boyfriend, she advanced. Finding the door ajar, Shame tiptoed inside and made herself comfortable while I was distracted. Initially, she was discreet and thus, I remained oblivious to the uninvited guest. But, in time she began to make her presence known, stomping through hallways, breaking mirrors and screaming accusations. “You’re a liability,” she spit. “It’s all your fault. If only you were softer, less opinionated, less needy.”

She continued the cruelty for years, spewing words so sharp they tore through their tender target with the precision of a scalpel in a surgeon’s steady hand. “Be quiet,” she pealed. “You’re unwanted, unlovely, unwelcomed.” She mocked me. She sucker punched me. And when I was doubled over in breathless pain, she shuffled close to lift my gaze to my heartbreaking circumstances and whisper, “See? You’ve ruined everything. And you’ll only do it again.”

Shame harassed me, relentlessly. And, she wasn’t alone. My mother joined in her chorus, at times she even conducted.

“Shame on you,” they scorned.

“Shame on me,” I conceded.

It wasn’t long before I loathed myself. While outwardly I was successful both socially and academically, in secret I was a disaster. I tried, tirelessly, to peddle myself as valuable. I was the audacious one, the cool one, the entertaining, quick-witted one. I played the parts well. Yet I feared that, at any moment, my intricate disguise would fall to reveal the human wrecking ball just beneath the surface. “It’s only a matter of time,” Shame taunted, “before you destroy something else.”

Until, that is, Truth found me cowering under the weight of the elaborate façade I’d constructed. He chiseled, diligently, at the heavy bricks suppressing my spirit. With each gentle blow He declared my worth. “You are altogether lovely. You have a destiny. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are precious to me. You are my beloved.”

Slowly, and then all at once, the fortified restraints of Shame began to crumble around my feet. She resisted her destruction with violence. She fought, savagely, to resurrect her towers.

“Shame on you!” She wailed at me in desperation.

“No, shame on me,” I heard Truth reply.

“I am taking your shame,” He told me, as he lifted my face to his. “Now, you will have my glory.”

“Be bold. Rise up. See what I see. Hear what I hear. The world is waiting for you. You can rest in knowing me. Our friendship is a joy, not a burden. I will counsel you with love and humility. You will never be alone again.”

And so it was that Truth milled Shame into the dust beneath my feet. He rescued me. He ransomed me. He restored me. Shame had no choice but to settle to the ground in defeat. On occasion she rallies, rising to form obstacles, intent on toppling me with her criticisms – for old time’s sake.

“Shame on you,” she accuses.

But, I know better now. I know Truth.

“Shame on Him,” I proclaim, as I shake her dust from my shoes.

“Shame on Him.”

***

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

-Romans 8:1

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.

-Psalm 3:3

“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

-Matthew 11:29-30

Established is a ministry of Threshold Church developed for the purpose of bringing women into relationship with God and community with one another. We are dedicated to seeing all women rooted in the love of Jesus Christ and living in the freedom and purpose that He provides.