Hi, I'm new here and I've been dealing with my son's drug addiction for a very long time. He used pills at first smoked pot, etc. drank. Then he got really high one night got into a bad fight and injured this "friend of his" and they pressed charges. This was 5 years ago. While going thru the trial process, my youngest son was murdered. He was walking home with his oldest brothers friend when they were ambushed. They were after the other guy, my son was a witness, in the wrong place at the wrong time. This has been the worse pain ever to live thru, and then we were going thru a trial for my oldest son. he got time he took a deal, got 11 1/2 months to 23 1/2 months, then court ordered for rehab did 5 months there, then 5 months intensive outpatient, 5 months regular outpatient. he was doing good, but he wouldn't do anything to better himself. Wouldn't finish his GED, not look for work, but he was sober and health and looked great, wonderful to be around. Sober 3 years until my youngest sons trial came up, they caught the men to killed my son and we had the trial, my son relapsed, he ID'd his baby brother laying on the pavement that night, went to jail 3 months after we buried him, thought for almost 2 years that they mistook my son for him and that it was suppose to be him that was killed until they caught the killers and realized it wasn't, it was because he was an innocent bystander just walking home. anyway, my jewelry started missing, all of it gone, video games, cd's, movies anything you can sell. I was devestated. After seeing him turn back to the way he was and giving him changes, I called his PO. Yes I turned him in, he was terrible. Fighting with me, his brother, going rampage in my home breaking things. So then after 30 days they released him in order for them to find a bed, he got into a fight and went back to jail. Sat there for 5 months until charges were dismissed, then he was sent away for another rehab. I don't think he stayed long enough only 2 months. Now he has been back home and fightng the demons all over again. he goes to IOP still but then he started taking pills again, following me around the house begging me for money over and over and over for hours and hours until I finally gave in and gave him the money. I know I'm an enabler. Now he swears he is clean, but I know he started again, with pills but not shotting up. Until last night, when he got jumped by a neighbor for some stupid reason. Got beat up pretty badly I want him to press charges. Anyway, his friend stayed over night just in case there was any trouble, my other son was in hospital having surgery. I get woken up by my sons friend he can't get my son up, he wont move he didn't know what to do. I ran downstairs and there he was slumped over, lips turning blue, he was breathing shallow, but his heart was beating so fast I thought he was going to have a cardiac arrest. I called the ambulance, they got there and saved him. he alsmost died in front of me, thank the Lord his friend was there or I would have woken up to that! OMG I can't bear to lose another child. he hates his life I try to give him ideas on how to help himself, go to NA meetings, go to classes for GED courses, do things around the house to help me, he doesn't work he goes to his program and that's al he does. Idle minds the devil playground is what i was always told. I don't know what to do, I dont know how to help him anymore, I cry all the time. He calls me and tells me over and over and Im at work and can't afford to lose my job for these phone calls how he hates his life, he wants to die, he has nothing to live for, who is going to hire him a felon with a bad record, people calling him junky, having fights all the time in the neighborhood. I can't go on, but I can't throw him out and have him live on the streets. I just dont know what to do, I don't want him to go back to jail, he does not belong in jail, he needs help, not jail! He is a good person, he has a heart of gold, he would do anything for anyone, anytime day or night. I don't want to lose my son, I want him to have a good life he deserves to have a good life and be happy. He is so sad all the time, he cries all the time, wishing he would die that he will never amount to anything. And I give him encouragement I tell him he is smart, he can do anything if he puts his mind to it. It will be hard but he has to try he has to go out and do it, it won't come to him. I need help to help my son and to help myself and my other son. I just need someone to talk to, anyone who has been thru this, give me guidance, help me please!!!!

You really need to send him to rehab..he may hate you but you need to do it and he will in the end know that you're doing it because you don't want to watch him kill himself and be so depressed around you. He also needs a GOOD therapist..someone who will listen..and not yell back.. I'm not saying you do but that's what sponsors are for. He needs a sponsor that he can talk to..help him through the tough times..and he has to be comfortable around his sponsor to be able to tell them literally everything. Sometimes talking to family about your addiction doesn't help because..well they can't really relate to us and we feel judged and hate getting in arguments..and the guilt kills us. You both are going through alot..maybe you should get a therapist as well. But do not try to control him..he will just go out and use because us addicts will do anything we aren't supposed to do. You are enabling him a bit..but you're his mother and it is understandable. But you have to get him the help he needs..he will hate you for awhile but he will NEVER stop loving you. I know he does not want to die..he's depressed. He needs to be put on a good anti-depressant that helps with his moods. If you would like to talk to me, feel free to message me at any time and I'll get back to you ASAP. Good luck..