Log in

User Name

Password

Remember Me?

Lost Password Recovery Form

If you have forgotten your username or password, you can request to have your username emailed to you and to reset your password. When you fill in your registered email address, you will be sent instructions on how to reset your password.

The Following User Says Thank You to Kamber Parrk For This Useful Post:

Take care of yourself first and foremost, remember her for who she was and not what she's become (if things did turn sour), spend time with friends, keep your head busy with work or hobbies or something. I've been there.

At least your relationship isn't halfway across the world right from the start, like all of mine have been. ._.

Is it "over" 'cause she left? Or, is it over 'cause of additional factors?

VERY serious, like almost-got-married serious. I was trying to be vague but here goes, I don't really have much to lose. We both loved each other blah blah blah and then after thinking for some time we decided to mutually separate because of different beliefs (after a year of being together). After a day or two I hated it and wanted to get back together but she said "something changed" inside her when we separated because she "never thought I would want to break up" with her even though she understood why (lots of stuff) and she really doesn't hate me for it.
Now we are both "friends" and I feel like I should have never said anything and deal with my own crap myself and I feel like the whole thing is my fault. She is now across the globe where I may possibly not only never see her again but lose her forever. I think she really loved me and I broke her heart a bit too much. I ask if there is a chance we will get back together and I always get a gentle "I don't know." she also says things like she needs to "heal" or "don't worry about it. Everything will be OK." and this one is the one that hurts the most: "We will definitely get married one day.".
It hurts because I think what may happen is that she will not think about it and she will meet some nice guy and they will probably get together. She even said it herself.

So yeah...

Originally Posted by crossmirage

Take care of yourself first and foremost, remember her for who she was and not what she's become (if things did turn sour), spend time with friends, keep your head busy with work or hobbies or something. I've been there.

At least your relationship isn't halfway across the world right from the start, like all of mine have been. ._.

Funny you should say that! I met her 3 months before I left to go to school in the USA and after I left I spent 3 months away from her. I then visited for Christmas for a month. We then Spent another 5 months away from each other and now I am here for 3 months for the summer. Sadly she left 3 days ago and I am not leaving Jamaica for another 3 weeks.

So basically we spent a little more time away from each other than we did together.

Originally Posted by dpaint

Like Stephen Stills says if you can't be with the one you love; love the one your with

Forget it, youre never going to get back togheter, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on with your life. Its obvious from what you wrote she was looking for a way out and when it ended, "something changed" was that she got out, but didnt have the balls to dump you herself, so when you "mutually" broke up, she was off the hook. The "we will get married" is just a little fish hook placed in your heart so that she can tug at it when she feels she needs to be validated, like between boyfriends or when shes feeling fat. My advice: drop all contact with her. Facebook, erase phone numbers, remove pictures etc. This is the yank the band aid solution. If you wanna slow burn for a few years though, its up to you. Take it from someone whos been there.

[url=http://galleryonefone.blogspot.com[/url] This would be my gallery in Sweden

The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to timpaatkins For This Useful Post:

Hey buddy, you're kind of in my shoes from about a month and a half ago. I lived with my guy for a whole year when he moved up here but he decided he wanted to move back to the states in June. So I've just got to suck it up. You can't control other people or how they feel.

But man, take my advice: it's over. You have to move on. It really sounds like she's trying to let you down easy, but by saying things like, "We'll definitely get married some day," she's just trailing you along by a thread even if that's not her intention. It can be really hard sometimes to be blunt with people you still care about but who you're breaking up with. I'm sure she still cares about your feelings and that's why she's saying these things even if she doesn't want to be with you, and she thinks she's sparing you from pain when really she's only prolonging it.

I highly recommend you just cut off contact for a while, for your own sake. You won't be able to talk to her for a while like two normal friends until you can think about her without a bunch of emotion welling up. It takes a long time, but in my personal experience, this is the only option unless you want things to get really painful and messed up.

But it sounds like soon you'll be moving, and starting a whole exciting new life in a new country. You'll have a lot of distractions and things to look forward to. Throw yourself into your art (it's what I did, and it did help), and then use your mad skills to find more babes.

Look... if she still wanted to be together you would be together. It was good while it lasted, but now she wants out and for whatever reason she just can't say "no" -- maybe because she's nice, maybe because she likes yanking your chain, maybe a little bit of both. Both of you can easily keep this wound open for years in the hopes that it'll hurt less, while actually dragging it out and making it hurt more. The best thing to do is take this relationship off life support, pretend that she fell into a black hole, listen to sad music for 2-4 weeks and cry a few manly tears. You can consider being friends again when the grieving process is totally over and you no longer care.

Forget it, youre never going to get back togheter, and the sooner you realize that, the sooner you can move on with your life. Its obvious from what you wrote she was looking for a way out and when it ended, "something changed" was that she got out, but didnt have the balls to dump you herself, so when you "mutually" broke up, she was off the hook. The "we will get married" is just a little fish hook placed in your heart so that she can tug at it when she feels she needs to be validated, like between boyfriends or when shes feeling fat. My advice: drop all contact with her. Facebook, erase phone numbers, remove pictures etc. This is the yank the band aid solution. If you wanna slow burn for a few years though, its up to you. Take it from someone whos been there.

Originally Posted by littlebones

Hey buddy, you're kind of in my shoes from about a month and a half ago. I lived with my guy for a whole year when he moved up here but he decided he wanted to move back to the states in June. So I've just got to suck it up. You can't control other people or how they feel.

But man, take my advice: it's over. You have to move on. It really sounds like she's trying to let you down easy, but by saying things like, "We'll definitely get married some day," she's just trailing you along by a thread even if that's not her intention. It can be really hard sometimes to be blunt with people you still care about but who you're breaking up with. I'm sure she still cares about your feelings and that's why she's saying these things even if she doesn't want to be with you, and she thinks she's sparing you from pain when really she's only prolonging it.

I highly recommend you just cut off contact for a while, for your own sake. You won't be able to talk to her for a while like two normal friends until you can think about her without a bunch of emotion welling up. It takes a long time, but in my personal experience, this is the only option unless you want things to get really painful and messed up.

But it sounds like soon you'll be moving, and starting a whole exciting new life in a new country. You'll have a lot of distractions and things to look forward to. Throw yourself into your art (it's what I did, and it did help), and then use your mad skills to find more babes.

Originally Posted by vineris

Look... if she still wanted to be together you would be together. It was good while it lasted, but now she wants out and for whatever reason she just can't say "no" -- maybe because she's nice, maybe because she likes yanking your chain, maybe a little bit of both. Both of you can easily keep this wound open for years in the hopes that it'll hurt less, while actually dragging it out and making it hurt more. The best thing to do is take this relationship off life support, pretend that she fell into a black hole, listen to sad music for 2-4 weeks and cry a few manly tears. You can consider being friends again when the grieving process is totally over and you no longer care.

She did say that she would never be able to be the one to break up with me. I do truly feel like she is not doing anything to purposely hurt me which is why I hang on to the "get married" thing so much. it really is what I want to hear. But what all of you are saying justifies the confusion when I think about what she is saying versus what is actually happening. I greatly appreciate the advice from you all as this is the first relationship I have ever been serious with. I am actually quite a noob with girlfriends if you may because I have only ever had one other girlfriend.
I am sure you can relate to when I feel like there is something I can do to win her back. When I think about the distance and the 15 minutes we spend on the phone a day though, reality kinda sets in.
Do you also blame for feeling terrible for cutter her off for a little while, (even though I am supposed to call her today) though? I feel guilty because I am supposed to now be her "friend" and I am refusing to speak to her.

If you have to win her back, she doesn't love you. If she loved you this situation wouldn't even come up. The problem is probably that you both haven't fully realized that you don't really love each other. Be completely honest with yourself are you unhappy because you love her?

The Following User Says Thank You to Shorinji_Knight For This Useful Post:

You don't have to break contact suddenly and just disappear. Just let her know the deal. Say that you can see that the relationship isn't going to happen, and it's hard for you to remain her friend when you still have so many feelings for her. Let her know you really do want to be her friend but that first you need some time. Her feelings may be hurt at first but eventually she will understand.

I've had to do this after my first really important relationship, and I don't regret it for a second. My ex understood why I had to not speak to him for a while even though we both still cared about each other. But we both realized we couldn't be friends any other way. So after about half a year of no contact we were able to speak normally and without bitterness and emotion. He's still one of my best friends.

Seriously, while I understand you are sad and want that one girl. Dude, there are millions of women in the world and nothing makes you forget a woman faster than another woman. Nothing better than that new girlfriend smell

Seriously, while I understand you are sad and want that one girl. Dude, there are millions of women in the world and nothing makes you forget a woman faster than another woman. Nothing better than that new girlfriend smell

Do you also blame for feeling terrible for cutter her off for a little while, (even though I am supposed to call her today) though? I feel guilty because I am supposed to now be her "friend" and I am refusing to speak to her.

No, this is just going to feel horrible overall. Nobody is going to blame you for the way you feel. It's natural to want to keep in touch and not lose the friendship, it's just that I think most of us have experience with doing that and it didn't work out well. You don't have to be a jerk about it, you can ask her for some space and time to think about things and then just sort of let that connection lapse.

It will be easier in 3 weeks when you leave and have things to do with your time. It's always hardest when you're the one just sitting around and thinking.

The Following User Says Thank You to dpaint For This Useful Post:

There's not much sound advice us internet strangers and love meisters can give - since we aren't in your situation, nor do we know all the facts and the intricate nuances of the relationship, and how psychologically sophisticated either of you are, and how aware of that sophistication both of you are in each other.

But, if I were you, and I loved her as much as you're describing, I'd pack my things, essential stuff to get going. Warm clothes if you're going to colder climes, all the ancillary items. But most importantly of all, funds, and something sentimental. But it is crucial to judge the situation as best as you can using what you know, and your intuition. No one but you can do that. I'm just saying what'd I'd do if I were in your situation.

Will it work? I don't know, you don't know, and neither does anyone else. We're all projecting here. Just don't regret it down the road.

That's what I plan to do with my Beatrice, and she's literally half-way the world away.

So take a risk: either pursue the risk, and suffer the harsh truth, or reap it. Or look back when you're 75 when you're finally buried, but realized you actually died at the age of 25.

"Never regret thy fall from grace, O' spirit of Icarian flight, for the greatest tragedy of them all to face, is to never feel the burning bright"
Believe my lies, for I tell the truth about them. Or would you rather me lie about telling the truth?
| Sketchbook | Portfolio | dA | Facebook |

Yeah that sucks. I agree with the others - it sounds like she wanted out but doesn't want to let go of you just in case. You guys were only separated for 2 days and "something changed"? No offence but the relationship couldn't've meant much to her if that's all it took (unless you said some serious shit to her when you broke up).

I don't have much to add except that the first few relationships you go through, they tend to feel.. more than they are. I know right now you feel like she's the one, that there's no one out there as special as she is, but that's impossible for you to gauge right now. You need some time and perspective. When you look back at this later on, it might look a bit different.

If she's serious about not being together and living far, far away, you should respect her wishes, accept it, and focus on yourself for a little while. If you try to hold on to this relationship and be her friend whenever she needs you and not let yourself let go, it's going to be incredibly tough when she moves and meets someone new. It's possible that down the road you will both decide that you're happiest together and get married after all, but allowing yourself to be happy on your own right now won't stop that. If she's as great as you think she is, she'll understand and want what's best for you.

The Following User Says Thank You to dierat For This Useful Post:

Yeah, i wouldn't waste time with the "just friends" thing, that's just letting you off easy. Do like some others said, start working out as a way to keep yourself occupied and healthy, if you sketch, start sketching in coffee shops, be around people, dont be a recluse in your house and you'll be fine.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear