I'm a 25 year old female and I have never been in a relationship, and my (admittedly very limited) experience with physical intimacy has not been all that great. I struggled with bulimia and anorexia throughout high school and college, so I was never all that comfortable with my body or sexuality. I never even kissed a guy until I was 21, and everything else soon followed...but it was with someone whom I barely knew, and the entire hookup came from a place of spite and insecurity on my part. And every other time I hooked up with a guy (and those occasions were few and relatively far between), it came from the same place. Somewhere along the line, I started associating physical intimacy with my eating disorder, and the very idea of intimacy became triggering.

I now consider myself to be recovered, for the most part. I am physically healthier, I don't starve or purge anymore, and although I still have my "moments," on the whole I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin. But it's also been three years since I engaged in physical intimacy of any sort, and although there are guys I'm attracted to and who are attracted to me, I still have a major mental and emotional block whenever the possibility of intimacy enters the picture. And I don't want to discuss it with any of the guys in question, because I'm afraid they'll be turned off by the emotional baggage, and I'm also afraid that such a conversation would trigger me more. And then there's always the possibility that, even if I make it to the point of intimacy, he'll just forget about me like the others...which probably wouldn't make me feel all that great, either.

All I really want to do is just move on with my life and stay recovered, and I can't help thinking that, in order to prevent a relapse, relationships are out of the question. It's the one thing I can't seem to shake and I don't know how.

This is probably not the sort of question, you're used to receiving, but if you have any advice for me, I would greatly appreciate it.

Love,
Recovering

Dear Recovering,

Big hug. I admire you for your experiences. They have only made you stronger as a person. And I would not worry about holding "emotional baggage." Whatever. Everyone has baggage... and anyone who says they don't is in denial or boring, anyway. ;)

Before I launch into anything, I want to preface that I'm clearly not a doctor, so I can't speak on the anorexia/bulimia part of things.

However, what I can say is that you need to focus on yourself and building your own confidence and sense of worth... because the truth is -- you are beautiful and perfect JUST the way you are. It is a fact. One day, you will meet someone who recognizes this fact. And when this happens, you will have sex comfortably, without spite or bitterness. But before you meet this wonderful person, YOU have to recognize this fact. If you are cognizant that you are an amazing and beautiful person, then it makes it easier for other people to see you more clearly, too. Does this make sense?

For some people, it's easy to jump around and have sex with whoever. That's fine. It's their thing; no judgement. However, I personally, can't do that -- just not how I function. Sounds like maybe you are the same way. To me, meaningless sex is boring and unfulfilling. So don't stress out about it. Work on yourself. When you are ready and you meet the right person, you will feel safe, confident, and comfortable. So don't settle for anything less. Some things are worth waiting for.

xoxo,
Natalise

p.s. One day, someone will say this --> to you.And you will reply, "I know and thank you." :)p.p.s. Listen to Katy Perry's acoustic version of "Firework." xo

Recovering, don't be fooled by today's shallow competition of pretense and vanity. Everyone has baggage, doubt. Their lives are not half as exciting as they pretend it to be on FB. Those that pretend, live loosely with their minds, hearts and bodies. That is empty and unfulfilling. Don't judge yourself based on others expectations, a test no one can pass. Know that the awkwardness that you see in yourself is the very thing others find special about you, someone -probably just feet away, is intimidated, because he finds you the most beautiful amazing creature he has ever seen and you canâ€™t see him as he is also awkward, w/baggage and hiding. Believe in yourself and let yourself shine, flaws and all, we all have them.

N, is right, nothing is more beautiful than confidence, for it is within that beauty comes. Self respect allows intimacy to be what it is meant to be, a connection of souls, not a connection of parts. There is no rush. Love and accept yourself for what you are, amazing, and the world will open for you. Youâ€™re uniquely worthy. #truestory