Jen's Place

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered with failure, than to rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much or suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." --Theodore Roosevelt

About Me

Lived in Ohio all my life until I moved to Canada four years ago. Caring, honest, curious, adventurous, good sense of humor, love to laugh, people watcher, responsible, sensitive, loyal, patient, creative, perceptive,strong,personable. I love people who know what they believe in, who stand up to others, and aren't easily intimidated. I don't like people who are quick to judge or people who always try to impress. I am comfortable with who I am. Everyone has their own unique qualities. Be happy with who you are! The older I get, the more I become the person I am. My kids mean everything to me and I am so proud of them. They're good people with good hearts. In my spare time I like to listen to music, work with my plants, paint, play with my dogs,and blog. I don't watch much TV but I do love Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, and Dr. Phil.

Archives

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Toilet Cleaning Instructions

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, The Dog

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Calling all Parents!

PARENT - Job DescriptionThis is hysterical. If it had been presented this way when we were young, none of us would have wanted the position!!!! POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa JOB DESCRIPTION : Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES : The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. BENEFITS : While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.