Cyclefest

Passports are optional for this outdoor Tour de France viewing party, as Lance Armstrong and rivals will pedal out of Switzerland, through a corner of Italy, and into France, crossing two huge passes en route. But Cyclefest offers more than just the big-screen TV broadcast (beginning at a time-delayed 9:15 p.m.). Theres a kiddie bike parade, stunt riding demo, sprint racing, childrens scavenger hunt, raffle, beer garden, sausages, and gyros for the whole cycling family. (Bring your kids in one of those tow-along bicycle carts if you can.) Still, all eyes will be on seven-time Tour winner Lance as he rides Stage 16 from Martigny to Bourg-Saint-Maurice; thats 98 miles and over 12,000 feet of climbing. Will Lances younger Spanish teammate Alberto Contadorwho won the 2007 Touralready be the overall leader this morning? And what about their American teammate Levi Leipheimer? (Always the bridesmaid and never the bride, that poor guy.) And did we mention their Astana team is funded by hopelessly corrupt Kazakhstan, the land of Borat? So many storylines! Besides being one of the worlds great sporting spectacles, the Tour is a three-week soap opera that dudes can love. Tune in tonight, and keep quiet if you already checked the results online. (Building 47 lawn.)BRIAN MILLER