Thursday, January 13, 2011

Abstinence is the Best Policy

Show: I blogged...Since my cousin keeps calling me lazy. It's a good one too. Are you Happy Chain?

There is one way to stay off the Maury show. Don't fu*k morally loose girls without a condom...Actually even that philosophy has its flaws.

In reality, there are only two ways to stay off the Maury show.

1.) Refuse to go when invited or

2.) practice abstinence.

This being said, I would rather embarrass myself on National TV with a hoodratpotential baby mama doing the "Butterfly-tootsie roll-stop pop it and lock it-Uncle luke Booty shake-Dougie" all the while screaming "I am 2011 % sure he is the daddy (pronounced Daeeeeedy)" than engage in abstinence...except in this one case.

Abstinence is the Best Policy

It happens inevitably. You want to sleep with your baby mama, girfriend or wife's "friend or relative."

Now 25% of this is due to the natural inclination of the male species, which, like any other animal, is not physically programmed for monogamous behavior. Another 25% deals with the age old parable about the "grass being greener on the other side" adapted by the modern male mind frame and synonymously morphed into the "aint no p**y like new pu**y" mantra. This accounts for 50% of the problem. Now... regardless of what accounts for the other 50% of the problem, the solution is abstinence right? Don't sleep with your girl's friends or relatives, right?

Wrong...but let me explain.

As the other 50% results from the fact that you probably made the wrong choice out of haste, the solution is not so clear cut. No matter how you play this, you look like the asshole and you may destroy their friendship, but hey...sometimes its worth it.

Now...back to you making the wrong choice...

You sleep with her because "she's cute" then find out her friends are "gorgeous." You should've met her friends first, you acted too soon.

You banged her because you were drunk at a party and she was available. You shouldve paced your alcohol consumption better, you acted too soon. He friends probably showed up late... hotter, sluttier and also available.

You slept with her because she was beautiful. You didn't find out if she was crazy? Fool. She has 3 sisters just as pretty....and here's the kicker...they're sane.

You slept with her because she was into you...Cute. Until you realize she was into everyone and now you cannot be introduced to one of her "girlfriend-worthy" counterparts who also liked you but didnt wanna step on "Slutty Miss-claim-a-nigga"'s toes. The good Christian friend now thinks you re a whore too.

Now, this is not meant to be an all inclusive list, but it does point out some very important things. We as individuals often tend to act too impulsively, but as no one is perfect, we have to realize that this is OK. Having slept with a man does not entirely take him off the market for your friends and acquaintances, as in some cases "you didnt want him" ...remember? Don't take your ex bf or mutual friends dating as a personal slight against you, because hey....maybe they were just a better fit...or she was prettier. LOL.

Fellas, this does not apply to you. You can't date your boy's baby mama or serious ex-girlfriends. Man-law.

You can, however, have free reign with his jumpoffs, and if he says otherwise...he's a handcuffin harry and should apply for the job of general contractor for the new "Rest Haven for Hoes" being built in 2011.