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BDSM binds two people, even if they are very different from each other. My first man felt guilty because of my age. At the same time I was scared that he sees my sexual response to pain – scared and excited at the same time. He could not stop doing what he was doing then, because I could not handle myself, on the other hand all the time he said it is appalling that I am a child. At the end, I said that there’s nothing I can do about it and hopefully he would manage to cope with my specific kind of sex. He did not understand the essence of the situation: “what you can not handle?” He pulled out of my knee dozens of splinters . BDSM was not his thing. He was good with women. At one point he raised his head and grabbed my face, and I didn’t control myself any more – what was happening to me was, at that moment, stronger than fear or shame. I suppose that the coexistence of conflicting emotions excites me further. Excited me inevitability – that he already knows, and it does not cease to happen, that I can only accept what next moment brings. There was a tension between us over the past few days – when we first met, he openly showed interest in me and I reacted nervously. When he found out how old I am, he became snippy and unpleasant to me – and then we fond ourselves in a situation, where there was no one else to help me with my needs. Well, when I accepted it , he somehow granted this acceptance. He has never done any BDSM session – but somehow he could give me this kind of pleasure .

Close your eyes. Imagine that you are lying on your back, drifting on the calm water. It is soft, everything flows, lazy inertia, heat.And in this very pleasant, relaxed state, gently move the tongue over the strongly waved like a little part of the palate, just behind the teeth. Move back and forth slightly, but slowly, carefully . When I do so, I feel such a pleasant tingle.All women being asked , feel a pleasant tingling sensation in the lower abdomen. Some of the reactions you have to learn . This place reminds a deep point ( called : deep spot – anatomical erogenous spot on the bottom of the vagina – ed.) And mild tingling level is quite similar. It is a way to show a guy ” how it works”.This tingling is a promise of pleasure. Something like feel with a slight puncture or incision light . By doing these things long enough , you can give me an orgasm. At higher puncture impressions are similar to those of the deep stimulation. If hits me properly, this feeling is similar to the first strong motion , when a man comes inside me – with no preliminary games. If this happens with a lot of points on my body at the same time , I feel as if I dissolve the brain. To all this can be applied even for example salt or fresh ginger … who urgently irritates mucous membranes. After about 30 minutes of smoking effect, the irritation disappears. This is driving me crazy. I suppose that deep cuts would be like this , however, no one has ever done that to me and I would rather not want to do so ( I use my body , but I do not want to destroy it ). Pain is like a kiss – as a kiss can be pleasant or not ; it all depends , from whom comes, from the situation, in which I experience it . BDSM in classic session is a game of will, a struggle. It is not that the submission is a weakness, and the dominance is the force.I do not distinguish between BDSM and non- BDSM; it’s just sex , which I’m entirely in. It just happens, no appointment is needed for anything , without setting the rules in advance. This comes from the mutual trust of intimacy, fear of abandonment , which one finds in me and what I find in it. We mutually are watching our fears and trying to get out of there. Mutually stalking our borders and moving them further. It’s asking rough questions and making everything to hear the answers. It is a mutual injecting someone into your head, removing every locks. For me it is a mystic.

Domination, which to some extent may reflect BDSM, begins where the jokes end. Submission is always preceded by a deep trust – there’s no room for negotiation. Trust is involved, on the fact that one party does not have to inform the other what is going to happen, similar to another situation, when someone does not have a medical knowledge should not be approaching a person with a scalpel . If it does, it means that nothing is certain. Both sides have to be certain of each other. How it works – before you trust someone, you must first trust yourself.

BDSM requires some entourage, so dominatrix and a slave need to supply themselves with a proper toys. I equipped my private BDSM dungeon with BDSM accessories and BDSM furniture. There are plenty of the good shops, but I choose the best quality only, stylish and professional. It gives me a real cosmic experience.

There was nobody home so we could enjoy ourselves all day long. Swimming, playing and kissing. It was a totally diferent world – our own, with just two of us, doing everything what comes up in mind. I could not resist any longer, I wanted more of her. Just in the corner of the swimming pool we did it.

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I wonder about the ability to come up with unimportant matters , which do not have the slightest importance , and are like bubbles in the wind . Alice had this capability. She clogged her emptiness by the objects. Her room was not only eclectic. It was tasteless. Crammed mess of boxes, books, figurines , photos, CDs , pens and suitcases just tired an eye .

Lack of practicality , the inability to set realistic targets, frothing bubbles on long journeys , about this and that , which will never be realized. The important thing was revels in the concept . She lacked humility, instead was inflated delight and persistence in inculcating of the same to others. With the constant frequency of changing interest like a hyperactive child, trafficking , switching idols and places. She could not grasp the one, but the most important thing in her life. Being in one state, already thinking about the next one, from one place to another, dreamed of denying the uniqueness of the existing. Bored quickly with the new ideas , people, or places where she had to spend too much time .

She’s never been able to admit a mistake and never apologized. She was like an oracle -all knowing, all seing. Although she looked like a resourceful person, she was not an independent one. Depending on the situation she had to rely on the assistance or money of someone elses. Without this, being alone, she wasn’t able to accomplish anything. The challenges, the success, which depended on her ended up mostly failed.

She was able to brag about your new clothes , some new concepts and plans that passed like the spring storm, but I’ve never heard the story of higher value , where she would be the person, who is really helpful to others. She was a narcistic personality most of all .

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Worldat a glancelike thefairy tales by DavidLynch.– Have you seen“MulhollandDrive“?–I’ve seen it.–Andwhat is it about? I don’t understand it.

Wewere toldthat we arechasingan illusion.

The desiresofchildhoodconstantlyremindedofit.Losingmyself I enteredtheworldsof others.However, I quicklyburnedup searching for the new desires,differentnames,new places,newworlds, not explored ones. I was abandoninglife quite often, livingin a world, that kept failng, never meetingmy ideasand hopes.Entangled in theadventuresofthe certainexpectationsand passions, but in most ofthem I could notendure. I couldalsogothesamepathasthe peopleimportantto me for a while. It is difficult for a casual observer tounderstand the logic ofwomen‘s action , because in these activities there is noalgorithm, aneasilydiscernibleorder.

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So wonderfully intentional life got changed. My returns to home and that strong desire to hug my loved one turned out into a barren hope . I knew already that I can not delude myself . I sat down in a corner and waited. Each subsequent event buried my naivety alive .

Our life has become a virtual one. It was an illusion carefully developed by craziness of a woman . Matrix. Lived in the sweet unconsciousness and only occasionally reached the dormant brain condition, it is not as it should be. Well, some people believe that love is a value itself , another perversely use it to gain something. The contradiction of emotions and constant mood swings – perpetual motion . Life was not easy , but most of all it could not be boring.

– You say ” I love you ” only when you’re having fun … – I turned her attention. She thought for a moment. – You’re right – she admitted. Rarely agreed with my opinion.

We forget about anything that troubles us. Bad moments go away and only the good ones remain… which I begin to miss more and more in my life. Morning wake up call brought the memory, that was like a bucket of a cold water. She wore the black latex dress as she came back from the clubbing and then she informed me politely: ” Get the fuck out of this house . You have three hours ! ” How is it possible that I forgot how divine she can be?

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I was sitting on a massive corner . Light of the street lamps penetrated through the obscured window blinds . Gently illuminates the shapes of the female body . She was sitting behind the desk and smoked another cigarette . She looked enigmatically in a shadowy room. Behind the raven curls dreamy child’s face. Totally did not think that it is a woman born out Witkiewicz ‘s novel – the femme fatale .

She walked in front of me, wearing sexy lingerie. Gently rocked her hips . She was able to move beautifully . It was impossible to take eyes off her tanned , full buttocks. Sex itself. She stood in front of the mirror meticulously arranging her hair. Her round , feminine belly gently leaned against the sink. I absorbed all the beauty of that woman, recorded every move, interpret every gesture , smile, look. Put off the moment that was going to happen. I was in a blissful happiness , knowing that soon we will do it. I was not afraid , like before, at the beginning … Now I could hardly control myself . Finally, I pulled her closer and hugged tightly . No words. She kissed me deliciously , grabbed my hand and led me into the bedroom.