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Feature: Long Hot Summer

Once upon an evening dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a terrible and dreadful game of forgotten shite–
While I browsed them, quite unhappy, suddenly there was a snappy
“Crikey!” as of an Australian laughing, chuckling out of spite.
“Tis some drunkard,” I muttered, “Laughing, no doubt out of spite–
Only this to disturb my night.”

Ah, the day had come too soon: it was on the first of June;
And each separate game there listed was a monument to shit.
F. F. eight they had alloted–vainly seven, I had plotted
To play (by it besotted, besotted to a level scarcely fit)
For the rare and excellent game, if the readers but permit–
But they would not that game admit.

Summer 2011: Fable

And the loathesome, lousy nonsense of these men without a conscience
Affrighted me–filled me with dreadful terrors felt each summer afore;
So that now, to silence the fans, I took fate into my hands
And proclaimed, “A symphony, a symphony will no one ever bore–
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, will no one ever bore;–
Let me play this and nothing more.

But the Aussie’s laugh grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“G’day,” said he, “Lusi, your optimism I abhore;
But the fact is we are spiteful, and your pain we find delightful,
And we are very rightful, rightful as we demand still more,
That we intend to spite you,”–here I turned in angry horror
Dark there was and nothing more.

Summer 2014: Eternal Sonata

Deep into that darkness peering, long I sat there wond’ring, fearing,
Thinking then of games which had made many a gamer pale
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Undertale?”
This I spat, and the fans shouted back the word, “Undertale!”
A nipple-tweaking fairytale.

Back into my chamber turning, all my hate within me burning,
Soon again I heard a laughing somewhat louder than before.
“Certes,” said I, “Sure I am that Aussie has gathered quite a posse.
Let me see, then, who he’s gathered and this mystery explore–
Let my rage be still a moment as I this mystery explore–
‘Tis a belch and nothing more!

Summer 2015: Ghosts ‘N Goblins

Opened I the comment thread, when, with many a post unread,
In there came suggestions many from when I was in school;
Not a few of them were bad, and others made me sad,
Still others were forbade, in defiance of the rule:
Games already reviewed, or VR, against the rule
Submitted, and considered, in the total pool.

Then the staff members began talking as I their plans were blocking
Debating many ways to force their selections to the fore:
“Though he seems not to like Nocturne, methinks it is false doctrine,
A lie as thin as popcorn to get SMT through the door,
Tell us Lusi, how will you weigh it, if we force you to play it?”
But I those games abhor.

Summer 2015: Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

Much they marvelled at my words, levelled at the fetid turds,
At the games they felt were wondrous–with the import of a mummer;
For they were soon agreeing that no living human being
Had ever suffered as they intended I would suffer this summer–
Not a single, weeping gamer would ever have felt dumber,
Such would be this gaming bummer.

And the readers, tho’ even-handed, each one in comments demanded
That they would see my blood, see my misery outpour.
Nothing less than that would sate ’em, “For you see, we all do hate him,
Hate it when he says we should all Undertale deplore,
Hate it when he says we ourselves thus should deplore,
Make him suffer evermore.”

Summer 2015: Milon’s Secret Castle

“Fools!” said I, “men of evil–fools ye are, of wit primeval!–
Whether Sabin-sent, or whether Riddlethos drew you to this site,
Know that I to hell will send thee, and to my purpose bend ye,
Make you know the bitter folly of your choice this very night,
Make you regret your support of Undertale this night,
Regret it now, and be thus right.

“Be that game our sign of parting, fiend or foe,” I shrieked, upstarting–
“Get thee back into Cat Fancy and the night’s far unseen shore!
Leave no remnant of your harassing, not a further suggestion in passing,
Not one more suggestion lasting of games you will ask for,
Not a further word offer up, you lamentable bore,
Silence now, and nothing more.”

Summer 2017: Final Fantasy X

But though the readers dwindled, their fury was then kindled,
And further games were added to the list of dreadful tat.
And the list is always growing, and it shows no signs of slowing,
Every title overflowing with grime, and bilge, and fat,
Each game upon it sucking like a vampire bat:
Only garbage; only tat.

And the readers still are screaming, the readers still are dreaming
Of watching me play through the release of Fable IV.
But Summer is upon us, so that dark and dread Adonis,
Peter Moleyneux, dishonest, remains dead like Dumbledore,
His game unmade, and not in store:
Hence Undertale, forevermore.

Summer 2018? Nope!

Information, Instructions, Rules1. How It Works: Lusipurr will play, complete, and review whatever individual game is reached, based upon the total donation amount received and corrolating to the amounts indicated on the ‘donation thermometer’ at the close of the 2018 Summer Donation drive (ending at midnight US EDT on 1 July). Lusipurr will stream portions of his playthrough of the selected game on The Day Tonight Twitch.tv channel.

2. The List: The games on the list have been chosen by reader suggestions past and present, and ordered by Lusipurr himself so that, for him, each tier is worse than the previous tier, with the first game being (in his estimation of its impact upon his psyche) ‘bad’ and the last game being ‘catastrophically awful and hateful’. All of the games are well-known (for various reasons), and have been selected so as to be very entertaining both for vewing and reviewing purposes.

3. Panty Rewards: All donations to TDT (including outside of this donation drive) of $5 and over will automatically be registered for the end-of-the-year game drawing, the winner of which will receive their choice of a new game on Amazon or Steam valued at up to $100. However, all $5 (or more) donations made during the donation drive will also be entered into an end-of-drive donation which will see one lucky winner receive Adeki’s Kirby Panties to do with as they choose. WEAR AND ENJOY!

4. Timeframe: The Lusi-review will follow within a week after the selected game is completed. If stretch games are added, Lusipurr will stream and summarise his experience with each stretch game until all of the stretch games have been played. Obviously, medical, technological, or other serious extremities may delay or prohibit availability. The TSM Musical Episode of the podcast recording will be subject to the availability of staff and guests as needed, but is intended to take place within the 2018 calendar year.

HALF-WAY MILESTONE: UNLOCKED!
At the $250 level, the site staff will unite together
to perform a one-off musical episode ofThe Starlight Megaphone.Note: The Day Tonight is not responsible for any damage
(mental or physical) which may result from listening
to the staff singing for an extended time.

TARGET BONUSES: (missed)If the donation target is reached within the period of the donation drive…

(1)
Lusipurr will also play through and review
the Switch version of Final Fantasy XV.
Yipes!

(2)
A second drawing will be held for Summer Donation drive
donators, and the winner will select a date of their choice for
a special time-travelling podcast devoted to news from that date!
All aboard the Podcast Time Machine!

(3)
A third! drawing will be held for Summer Donation drive
donators, and the winner will (from a list of 5-10 titles)select the autumn playthrough game for the site!
A truly UNPARALLELED privilege! O.O

(4)
And Lusipurr will write an epilogue for the (in)famous
FINAL FANTASY VI RADIO PLAY, and it will be acted by
the ‘talent’ from the original programme!
Bring on the Daytime Emmy Awards!

I’ve had an obsession with Beyond the Beyond for ages. When a friend and I tried to play a copied disc on our PS1, BtB was the game he had. After much fiddling we got it to work, but it was displayed in black and white due to the TV not being able to handle NTSC input properly. The game then crashed after playing for a few minutes. Later I bought a US PS2 and tracked down many PS1 games that never got released in the UK, though not BtB.

We’re more than a week into June and we’re still at $0. I’m a little worried!

As much as I’d like to play CV Symphony of the Night, the site does need help paying its bills. My living situation and the new (infinitely better) hosting now means that we really do rely on donations, and the site needs to be self-sufficient.

If you’ve got an extra $5, even that will help. Please donate what you can, however little or much! It all adds up to keeping us solvent. :)

Thank you to our four donators! You guys are awesome. Thanks to Matt, Parker, Timothy, and Eric, we are now off to a GREAT start to our donation drive. Unfortunately, this means I’m looking at Legacy of the Wizard, but I’m confident that I can get through that one without breaking too much furniture…

I will commit to a BONUS playthrough and review if we pass the top of the metre before the drive ends. Although I’ve refused to consider it so far, I will complete and review the Switch version of… Final Fantasy XV.

Themed Discussions and New Releases are great when appropriate, but don’t necessarily have to be added in to every podcast. Tanzenmatts Literaturplatz and Imitanis Gaming Moment are great as they are; in fact I’ve been enjoying the shorter poetry readings as they fit better into the flow of the podcast.

If we exceed our donation target this month… there will be ANOTHER donator reward!

After we award the panties to one lucky donator, we will hold ANOTHER drawing and the winner will choose a DATE OF THEIR CHOICE for a time-travel special edition of TSM hosted by Lusi and SN! Yes! you read that right! CHOOSE ANY DATE and the podcast panel will travel to that time and report on game news!

If the donation target is exceeded within the period of the donation drive, a third! drawing will be held for Summer Donation donators, and the winner will select (from a list of 5-10 titles) the autumn playthrough game for the site!

If the donation target is exceeded within the period of the donation drive, I will write an epilogue for the (in)famous FINAL FANTASY VI RADIO PLAY, and it will be acted by the ‘talent’ from the original programme!

WE DID IT! WE DID IT!
(okay, we actually didn’t do it, but we got pretty close: only $150 short)

The donation drive proper will remain up for a few days, and you can of course continue to donate at any time–now or later. We’ll put names in a drawing for our prizes above at noon on SATURDAY 7 JULY, during our recording of TSM Episode 489 (which will be available for download on MONDAY 9 JULY).

The FINAL game will stay at Hydlide unless we receive some donations before we take down the post (which will be after the prizes are awarded, so sometime in mid-Julyish). Similarly, after some discussion with staff, we’ve agreed to let the target bonuses remain unlocked until we hold the drawing on 7 July. So, think of these dates as slight extensions for their respective purposes. After 7 July, the target bonuses will be locked. Once the prizes are announced and distributed, the playthrough game will be locked as well.

Thank you to ALL of those who have donated above, and especially to everyone who came to the chat and helped keep us going through the month on stream. And for those who couldn’t donate, thank you for spreading the word! It all counts and helps us meet our yearly expenses!

SO STAY TUNED for TSM 489, when (with a replacement microphone cable) I’ll be announcing who our winners are! :)

NOO so close to the nocturne review lame lame lame. Was going to donate again later in july to help you get to the end goal (I still plan to), but it seems my manipulations have been foiled :(

Think you would love it if you allowed yourself to, it’s sort of like a much harder adult pokemon with a pretty cool setting and story imo. I had a lot of fun with it both times I’ve played it . Guess I will just have to harass you about playing it in the chat during streams then lol. (also sorry about missing last nights stream, I had to work unfortunately but am going to watch it in the archive when I get a chance).

It’s my fault. It was at Nocturne, and I donated the last bit that got it to Hydlide so I could watch Lusipurr play A Boy And His Blob and Princess Tomato In The Salad Kingdom on stream. But it was also a merciful donation – Nocturne is a 100-hour game where you die a lot and have to learn the fusion system thoroughly to get anywhere. Still try it, but having to finish the entire game for a review is asking a lot.

Haha that’s ok I can pester him regardless, I’d rather the site hit the donation target!

Also, I am going to hit you with email re:feedback lusi. Generally speaking I’d be happy with pretty much any format, as the banter is what is most appealing to me. Expanded gaming moments if possible would be nice, but I understand sometimes you don’t always have the time for a lot of gaming in a given week. Don’t know that I’d like to see any segments eliminated, and I imagine you guys would probably make any of the proposed additions work, so yeah I’m pretty much fine with any of it.

Undresstales? Now that sounds like a playthrough I can get behind! Do have to say though, I feel like a lusi review of Unlimited SaGa would also be quite hilarious. As touched in the head as it may make me seem, I actually liked SaGa Frontier and the Romancing Saga games. That being said, I don’t know that I have the words to properly express the level of dismay I experienced playing Unlimited SaGa when it first came out. It’s a genuinely awful, over complicated and sadistic game, even by series standards. At least the art and music are nice I guess, and you won’t be paying 50 dollars for the “pleasure” of playing it it like I did!

@KuriousOranj: Back when SaGa Frontier came out, I sort-of liked it. At least, well enough to complete it. I had been a big fan of the three SaGa games on GB which were released in the US as Final Fantasy Legend I, II, and III.

But SaGa Frontier was wacky even compared to those. Then, SaGa Frontier 2 came out, and that game was just crackers. That they followed it with even worse titles was a bridge too far. By the time Unlimited SaGa rolled around, I knew better than to purchase it at launch. I bought it a few years later for $3, which is a demonstration of the quality it possesses. I played it on stream once, a couple years ago (I think), and after an hour of trying to figure out what to do, had to give it up as a bad job.

Dreadful game, but the review would have taken a thousand years. With Undertale, we can expect the result in weeks. STAY TUNED for some livestreams of that.