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NEW YORK–only weeks after winning the presidential election, Donald Trump announced today that he was making some tweaks to his campaign platform.

“Remember how I said I’d bring jobs back to the heartland? Probably not going to happen,” said the President-Elect. “And instead of building the wall, I thought we might just think about a wall. Okay?”

“Also, we won’t be deporting anyone, or starting a trade war with China, and I’m not going to investigate Hillary Clinton.”

When asked what he would keep from the campaign platform that got him elected, Trump thought for a few minutes. “I think the natural evolution of the platform is, instead of doing stuff, to just sort of fly around and give speeches,” he said. “And hats! We’ll have lots of hats!”