Any critisisms are more than welcome!To: Prospective Law SchoolFrom: >>>>>>, the prospective student of the Law SchoolThe adjective “challenging” has no literal equivalent in my native language. The invitation to compete for some achievement was odd to the Soviet system before the crash of the Soviet Union, where the word “average” seemed to be a compliment, and taking a risk or challenging the way of living equated to the rebellion against the regime. I grew up as an average kid from a Siberian city, that was proud to bear a title of the capital of a rich oil and gas region, but could not contribute anything more significant to that. At the age of five and six I was writing numerous stories about my stuffed animal friends and was dreaming that one day I would definitely become a famous Soviet writer. Nevertheless, my parents kept in mind a dream of a better future for me, so, I was forced to enter the best school in the city with the emphasis on Foreign languages studies. However, the illusion of the foreign languages learning perfectly complied with the “average” status, since, during the late 80’s, the knowledge of languages, meant nothing more than the waste of time, or at best, an entertainment, because there was no much use for them within the Soviet borders. After my graduation from the High school, I passed the entrance exams to the faculty of foreign languages with flying colors, but my life totally changed its course after the first year in the University, when I made an abrupt decision to devote my life to Law. Long ago it was, and, sincerely, I may not state the exact perfect reason why, at the age of eighteen, I chose the legal field. Probably, I kept in mind “trifle not, thy time is short” saying by W. Shakespeare, and I realized at that moment I wanted to be something more than just a teacher of English or German. I started to have a feeling that I was wasting my time, devoting myself solely to the foreign languages. Besides, I was dying to demonstrate my first love(who happened to have 2 PhDs and a successful business career), that I was worth of being considered a smart and eager to risk person, far from being average. Nevertheless, that’s where the challenge appeared in all its magnitude, as the Institute I had dreamt to enter, was the one of the highest ranked those days, providing the legal education in both Russian and English languages; thus, the fight for free tuition was cruel. It was the moment when my destiny finally shaped at last. What greatly appealed to me, when I entered the Law School, was the fact, that how much legal science and legal system were similar to the language frame. As I may see it now, both of them seem to be very strictly defined, though, may change every other day; both have a vast variety of exceptions; at the same time, both give you the incentive to elaborate into the system. The excitement of coming across the slightly different definition or alternative interpretation are pretty much the same for an attorney and a translator, when you realize that a simple comma may change the whole meaning of the sentence, or has a power to reverse the judgment. Feeling impatient to graduate, I asked the Law Faculty Dean in the middle of my First Semester to transfer me to the second year. I was granted the permission under one condition: to pass about twenty Final exams for both first and second years of studies. I had 4 months at my disposal until the end of the second year and I had never worked harder. However, that sacrifice marked the beginning of my career as an attorney assistant. Having started with a mere legal data research in a private firm I moved to practicing business and labour law in the bank, where the staying over extra hours was a norm, but it finally shaped me as a professional.“It’s always better to do something and regret about that, than not to do that and feel pity you have missed the chance”-this one has worked better for my life. Exercise all the options, take small steps towards the goal and focus on one step at a time. Even if at this exact moment you do not consider something worth doing, still do it, and it will pay off sooner or later somehow, by transforming into single line in the resume, that will be crucial to the decision of the perspective employer. I kept that phrase in mind when I moved to the U.S. and applied to De Anza College. The 21st century’s saying: “ the person who owns the information, rules the situation” has turn out to be my personal curse in the U.S., since it always was a bit too late for me, usually just a couple of months, to discover the vast gap between the Russian and American realities: job of paralegal and one of attorney are different in the U.S; GPA, that has never existed in my home country, and neither the schools nor employers has never paid any attention to the grades or to the school rank; taxation and Social Security laws , details of bank accounts, wills, trusts, startups and insurance . I realize I am still a Foreigner in the country and what obstacles I have to overcome; however, only after composing this personal statement I came to realization how unique I am. I finally proved to myself, that no matter what, I would enter this law school, graduate, and become a professional attorney and a professional citizen, if I might say so. I had a short trip to Russia to obtain my academic transcripts three months ago. and my native country reminded me one more time, that it did not matter how much you tried to succeed with PhDs, MBAs, experience, - it would never pay off in full, neither in financial or personal terms. The definition of “average” has appeared to me in a light of being “typical,” and I am seeing myself as a typical unique (sounds like an oxymoron) and typical professional attorney with a usual unique diverse background.I am dreaming of setting up a chain of dog shelters throughout California; I am still translating English poetry into Russian; I cannot relocate because of my husband, and, honestly speaking, do not have any desire to do so; I am planning to learn Mandarin and Persian; I want a house, facing the ocean(Gosh, I sound like an average Californian); I would probably sell one fourth of my soul for the perfect GPA now; I wish no LLM degree for myself , JD only; also, I want to attend the best Law School I am capable to afford. The rest has been settled. “Definition, structure, system, research, construing, and codification,” - these are the words that create the perception of every lawyer, familiar with any legal system. The legal language is a universal one, and, the fact of being a multilingual Lawyer, just adds colors to the picture. The degree in law under my belt will undeniably helps me to see the legal system of Law in the U.S. from a different standpoint, and, hopefully, will assist me with my studies. Moreover, I am perfectly familiar with the educational process, and, jokes apart, I imagine how tough it might become, since I am still a foreigner that started the life in the U.S less than three years ago.

Otherwise, I thought it was pretty interesting and not deserving of the sarcasm and scorn that were heaped upon it. I think you'd benefit most from reading the numerous other personal statements and suggestions already posted in this forum. Read 100 threads and repost in a more readable format.

Elenadu wrote:Ok, people, if my statement seems naive or just bad, just tell me so. There is no need of being sarcastic. Just tell me it’s terrible and be away with that. I was just asking for some help.

I'm not being sarcastic. It really is good. I'd leave it as is, except format it into paragraphs as the other poster said. It was interesting and funny. Way better than the standard.

You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask others for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Last edited by PopTorts13 on Fri Dec 16, 2011 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

PopTorts13 wrote:You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask other for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

PopTorts13 wrote:You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask other for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

PopTorts13 wrote:You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask other for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

OP I'm not really sure what's going on above here or who's being serious but I for one loved your personal statement. Its a story that gripped me and made it a very interesting read. I think you start to lose the connections near the end however, i think you should end on a strong note that ties back to your beginning. Other than that, as has been said before the structure and grammar of the piece need a lot of work but the underlying story is gold.

PopTorts13 wrote:You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask other for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

OP I'm not really sure what's going on above here or who's being serious but I for one loved your personal statement. Its a story that gripped me and made it a very interesting read. I think you start to lose the connections near the end however, i think you should end on a strong note that ties back to your beginning. Other than that, as has been said before the structure and grammar of the piece need a lot of work but the underlying story is gold.

Except for the part about not being able to relocate because of her husband. I don't think adcoms look favorably upon a person that is going to be held back professionally by the decisions of their S/O.

PopTorts13 wrote:You have a great narrative, but you're clearly struggling with grammatical issues. Whether or not you are a native speaker, no one wants to read choppy writing, especially not in the legal profession. Don't let this thwart your aspirations of attending law school; simply ask others for more indepth assistance. Is their a writing tutor near you? I would help more in depth, but that would take more time than I have to offer. I wish you the very best though!

Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

OP I'm not really sure what's going on above here or who's being serious but I for one loved your personal statement. Its a story that gripped me and made it a very interesting read. I think you start to lose the connections near the end however, i think you should end on a strong note that ties back to your beginning. Other than that, as has been said before the structure and grammar of the piece need a lot of work but the underlying story is gold.

Except for the part about not being able to relocate because of her husband. I don't think adcoms look favorably upon a person that is going to be held back professionally by the decisions of their S/O.

Law school is a lot of reading and writing and if one is struggling with such they should seek assistance; this is great advice. Take it or leave it, no need to insult anyone trying to help.

PopTorts13 wrote:Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

Law school is a lot of reading and writing and if one is struggling with such they should seek assistance; this is great advice. Take it or leave it, no need to insult anyone trying to help.

PopTorts13 wrote:Go put yourself in a toaster, this is terrible advice!

IMO this is clearly gunnertricks at work, and this poster is probably interested in holding you back to increase their chances for admittance. NVM that they actually go to law school--when poptorts play, poptorts plays for keeps.

Law school is a lot of reading and writing and if one is struggling with such they should seek assistance; this is great advice. Take it or leave it, no need to insult anyone trying to help.

I'm pretty sure Guch was joking.

Good to know. Nothing personal here; I just wanted to make sure the poster is getting the honest opinions she asked for.

This is the best I could do with what i had to work with. You need to keep at your language immersion. And rewrite the ending so you don't sound so bat shit crazy.

Elenadu wrote:To: Prospective Law SchoolFrom: >>>>>>, the prospective student of the Law SchoolThe adjective “challenging” has no literal equivalent in my native language. The invitation to compete for some achievement was odd to the Soviet system before the crash of the Soviet Union, where the word “average” seemed to be a compliment, and taking a risk or challenging the way of living equated to the rebellion against the regime.

I grew up as an average kid from in a Siberian city, that was proud to bear athe title ofasthe capital of an rich oil and gas rich region, but could not contribute anything more significant tothan that. At the age of five and six I was writing numerous stories about my stuffed animal friends and was dreaming that one day I would definitely become a famous Soviet writer. Nevertheless, my parents kept in mind a dreamdreamed of a better future for me, so, I wasand forced me to enterattend the best school in the city with the emphasis onwhich emphasized Foreign languages studies. However, the illusion of the foreign languages learningUnder the Soviet regime, studying foreign language perfectly complied with the “average” moniker. status, since, during the late 80’s,The knowledge of languages meantcarried no status and was viewed as nothing more than thea waste of time, or at best, an entertainmentotiose hobby without much purpose, because there was no much use for them within the Soviet borders.

After my graduation from the High school, I passed the entrance exams to the faculty of foreign languages with flying colors, but my life totally changed its course after the first year in the University, whenIn the former Soviet Union only the top performers were admitted to university language programs and my entrance exams opened that door for me. But after my first year at university, my interests turned from the study of languages to what was viewed as a more utilitarian study. I made an abrupt decision to devote my life to Law. Long ago it was, and, sincerely, I may not state the exact perfect reasonwith precision why, at the age of eighteen, I chose the legal field. Probably, I kept in mind “trifle not, thy time is short” saying by W. Shakespeare, and I realized at that moment I wanted to be somethingdo more than just a teacher ofteach English or German, a mere pedantic hobby in the Soviet Union. I started to have a feeling that I was wasting my time, devoting myself solely to the foreign languages. Besides, I was dying to demonstrate my first love (who happened to have 2 PhDs and a successful business career), that I was worth of being considered a smart and eager to risk person, far from being average.When a young woman from a working class Siberian town in Soviet Russia dreams of transitioning from the study of language to the study of law, my native language has no word to describe it. But my English study taught me the word is "challenge." The Legal Institute I had dreamtto enterof attending was among the Soviet Unions most prestigious, providing the legal education in both Russian and English. The competition for free tuition was fierce. The challenge, I felt, invigorated and defined me, and it was at that moment when my destiny was laid before me.

Nevertheless, that’s where the challenge appeared in all its magnitude, as the Institute I had dreamt to enter, was the one of the highest ranked those days, providing the legal education in both Russian and English languages; thus, the fight for free tuition was cruel. It was the moment when my destiny finally shaped at last.

What greatly appealed to me,When I entered the Law School I was enthralled to learn and understand. , was the fact, that how much legal science and legal system were similar to the language frameI found commonality between the study of law and the study of language.As I may see it now,Both of them seeming to be very strictly defined, though, may change every other dayconstantly changing; both having a vast varietyarray of exceptions, and at the same time, both give you the incentive to elaborate into the systeminviting you to extend and add to the field. The excitement of coming across the slightly different definition or alternative interpretation are pretty much the same for an attorney and a translator, like when you realize that a simple comma may change the whole meaning of the sentence, or has a power to reverse the judgment.

Feeling impatient to graduate, I asked the Law Faculty Dean in the middle of my First Semester to transfer me to the second year. I was granted the permission under one condition: to pass about twenty Final exams for both first and second years of studies. I had 4 months at my disposal until the end of the second year and I had never worked harder. However, that sacrifice marked the beginning of my career as an attorney assistant. Having started with a mere legal data research in a private firm I moved to practicing business and labour law in the bank, where the staying over extra hours was a norm, but it finally shaped me as a professional.

It's better to try something and risk having regret you did, than not to try, and regret you did not.“It’s always better to do something and regret about that, than not to do that and feel pity you have missed the chance”-this one has worked better for my life.I have learned to exercise all the options, take small steps towards the goal and focus on one step at a time. Even if at this exact moment you do not consider something worth doing, still do it, and it will pay off sooner or later somehow, by transforming into single line in the resume, that will be crucial to the decision of the perspective employer. I kept that phrase in mind when I moved to the U.S. and applied to De Anza College. The 21st century’s saying: “ the person who owns the information, rules the situation” has turn out to be my personal curse in the U.S., since it always was a bit too late for me, usually just a couple of months, to discover the vast gap between the Russian and American realities: job of paralegal and one of attorney are different in the U.S; GPA, that has never existed in my home country, and neither the schools nor employers has never paid any attention to the grades or to the school rank; taxation and Social Security laws , details of bank accounts, wills, trusts, startups and insurance . I realize I am still a Foreigner in the country and what obstacles I have to overcome; however, only after composing this personal statement I came to realization how unique I am. I finally proved to myself, that no matter what, I would enter this law school, graduate, and become a professional attorney and a professional citizen, if I might say so. I had a short trip to Russia to obtain my academic transcripts three months ago. and my native country reminded me one more time, that it did not matter how much you tried to succeed with PhDs, MBAs, experience, - it would never pay off in full, neither in financial or personal terms. The definition of “average” has appeared to me in a light of being “typical,” and I am seeing myself as a typical unique (sounds like an oxymoron) and typical professional attorney with a usual unique diverse background.

I am dreaming dream of setting up a chain of dog shelters throughout California; I am still translating English poetry into Russian; I cannot relocate because of my husband, and, honestly speaking, do not have any desire to do so; I am planning to learn Mandarin and Persian; I want a house, facing the ocean(Gosh, I sound like an average Californian); I would probably sell one fourth of my soul for the perfect GPA now; I wish no LLM degree for myself , JD only; also, I want to attend the best Law School I am capable to afford. The rest has been settled. “Definition, structure, system, research, construing, and codification,” - these are the words that create the perception of every lawyer, familiar with any legal system.

The legal language is a universal one, and, the fact of being a multilingual Lawyer,justadds colors to the picture. TheAn American degree in law . . .under my belt will undeniably help me to see the legal system of Law in the U.S. from a different standpoint, and, hopefully, will assist me with my studies. Moreover, I am perfectly familiar with the educational process, and, jokes apart, I imagine how tough it might become, since I am still a foreigner that started the life in the U.S less than three years ago.

kublaikahn wrote:This is the best I could do with what i had to work with. You need to keep at your language immersion. And rewrite the ending so you don't sound so bat shit crazy.

Elenadu wrote:To: Prospective Law SchoolFrom: >>>>>>, the prospective student of the Law SchoolThe adjective “challenging” has no literal equivalent in my native language. The invitation to compete for some achievement was odd to the Soviet system before the crash of the Soviet Union, where the word “average” seemed to be a compliment, and taking a risk or challenging the way of living equated to the rebellion against the regime.

I grew up as an average kid from in a Siberian city, that was proud to bear athe title ofasthe capital of an rich oil and gas rich region, but could not contribute anything more significant tothan that. At the age of five and six I was writing numerous stories about my stuffed animal friends and was dreaming that one day I would definitely become a famous Soviet writer. Nevertheless, my parents kept in mind a dreamdreamed of a better future for me, so, I wasand forced me to enterattend the best school in the city with the emphasis onwhich emphasized Foreign languages studies. However, the illusion of the foreign languages learningUnder the Soviet regime, studying foreign language perfectly complied with the “average” moniker. status, since, during the late 80’s,The knowledge of languages meantcarried no status and was viewed as nothing more than thea waste of time, or at best, an entertainmentotiose hobby without much purpose, because there was no much use for them within the Soviet borders.

After my graduation from the High school, I passed the entrance exams to the faculty of foreign languages with flying colors, but my life totally changed its course after the first year in the University, whenIn the former Soviet Union only the top performers were admitted to university language programs and my entrance exams opened that door for me. But after my first year at university, my interests turned from the study of languages to what was viewed as a more utilitarian study. I made an abrupt decision to devote my life to Law. Long ago it was, and, sincerely, I may not state the exact perfect reasonwith precision why, at the age of eighteen, I chose the legal field. Probably, I kept in mind “trifle not, thy time is short” saying by W. Shakespeare, and I realized at that moment I wanted to be somethingdo more than just a teacher ofteach English or German, a mere pedantic hobby in the Soviet Union. I started to have a feeling that I was wasting my time, devoting myself solely to the foreign languages. Besides, I was dying to demonstrate my first love (who happened to have 2 PhDs and a successful business career), that I was worth of being considered a smart and eager to risk person, far from being average.When a young woman from a working class Siberian town in Soviet Russia dreams of transitioning from the study of language to the study of law, my native language has no word to describe it. But my English study taught me the word is "challenge." The Legal Institute I had dreamtto enterof attending was among the Soviet Unions most prestigious, providing the legal education in both Russian and English. The competition for free tuition was fierce. The challenge, I felt, invigorated and defined me, and it was at that moment when my destiny was laid before me.

Nevertheless, that’s where the challenge appeared in all its magnitude, as the Institute I had dreamt to enter, was the one of the highest ranked those days, providing the legal education in both Russian and English languages; thus, the fight for free tuition was cruel. It was the moment when my destiny finally shaped at last.

What greatly appealed to me,When I entered the Law School I was enthralled to learn and understand. , was the fact, that how much legal science and legal system were similar to the language frameI found commonality between the study of law and the study of language.As I may see it now,Both of them seeming to be very strictly defined, though, may change every other dayconstantly changing; both having a vast varietyarray of exceptions, and at the same time, both give you the incentive to elaborate into the systeminviting you to extend and add to the field. The excitement of coming across the slightly different definition or alternative interpretation are pretty much the same for an attorney and a translator, like when you realize that a simple comma may change the whole meaning of the sentence, or has a power to reverse the judgment.

Feeling impatient to graduate, I asked the Law Faculty Dean in the middle of my First Semester to transfer me to the second year. I was granted the permission under one condition: to pass about twenty Final exams for both first and second years of studies. I had 4 months at my disposal until the end of the second year and I had never worked harder. However, that sacrifice marked the beginning of my career as an attorney assistant. Having started with a mere legal data research in a private firm I moved to practicing business and labour law in the bank, where the staying over extra hours was a norm, but it finally shaped me as a professional.

It's better to try something and risk having regret you did, than not to try, and regret you did not.“It’s always better to do something and regret about that, than not to do that and feel pity you have missed the chance”-this one has worked better for my life.I have learned to exercise all the options, take small steps towards the goal and focus on one step at a time. Even if at this exact moment you do not consider something worth doing, still do it, and it will pay off sooner or later somehow, by transforming into single line in the resume, that will be crucial to the decision of the perspective employer. I kept that phrase in mind when I moved to the U.S. and applied to De Anza College. The 21st century’s saying: “ the person who owns the information, rules the situation” has turn out to be my personal curse in the U.S., since it always was a bit too late for me, usually just a couple of months, to discover the vast gap between the Russian and American realities: job of paralegal and one of attorney are different in the U.S; GPA, that has never existed in my home country, and neither the schools nor employers has never paid any attention to the grades or to the school rank; taxation and Social Security laws , details of bank accounts, wills, trusts, startups and insurance . I realize I am still a Foreigner in the country and what obstacles I have to overcome; however, only after composing this personal statement I came to realization how unique I am. I finally proved to myself, that no matter what, I would enter this law school, graduate, and become a professional attorney and a professional citizen, if I might say so. I had a short trip to Russia to obtain my academic transcripts three months ago. and my native country reminded me one more time, that it did not matter how much you tried to succeed with PhDs, MBAs, experience, - it would never pay off in full, neither in financial or personal terms. The definition of “average” has appeared to me in a light of being “typical,” and I am seeing myself as a typical unique (sounds like an oxymoron) and typical professional attorney with a usual unique diverse background.

I am dreaming dream of setting up a chain of dog shelters throughout California; I am still translating English poetry into Russian; I cannot relocate because of my husband, and, honestly speaking, do not have any desire to do so; I am planning to learn Mandarin and Persian; I want a house, facing the ocean(Gosh, I sound like an average Californian); I would probably sell one fourth of my soul for the perfect GPA now; I wish no LLM degree for myself , JD only; also, I want to attend the best Law School I am capable to afford. The rest has been settled. “Definition, structure, system, research, construing, and codification,” - these are the words that create the perception of every lawyer, familiar with any legal system.

The legal language is a universal one, and, the fact of being a multilingual Lawyer,justadds colors to the picture. TheAn American degree in law . . .under my belt will undeniably help me to see the legal system of Law in the U.S. from a different standpoint, and, hopefully, will assist me with my studies. Moreover, I am perfectly familiar with the educational process, and, jokes apart, I imagine how tough it might become, since I am still a foreigner that started the life in the U.S less than three years ago.