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Monday, July 30, 2012

I am starting to feel like every weekend this summer is getting wilder and wilder as the weeks go by.

I don’t know if I am going to make it out of this summer alive.

And no I am not being wildly dramatic, I honestly am afraid for my liver.

That being said I had one fantastic weekend!

But it really took a lot out of me and left me laid up on the couch all day yesterday.

I was exhausted and by that I mean hungover.

It was one of my really good ones too; but I will spare you the details because they get pretty nasty.

Aside from that little recovery day my weekend was fantastic!0

Why you ask?

Well I went on a date.

Yes another one.

It went pretty good, I mean we ate at the local Japanese steakhouse and who doesn't like to see things set on fire and food flung through the air?

Also each year here in good ole Silverdale Washington we have a little thing called Whaling Days.

No we don’t go fishin for whales; I don’t even really know why it’s called that but whatever.

Anyway Whaling Days is one of those weekends when I am frightened for my well-being and genuinely have to warn my dad about my shenanigans in advance.

There are live bands, carnivals, food fenders, boats, and a beer garden.

Need I say more?

But this year Whaling Days went above and beyond and if you follow me on instagram

(@amitch210) you would know why.

Let me present to you my weekend at Whaling days:

First things first lets talk about "THE BALLOONS". I want to know who had the brilliant idea to give a bunch of kids balloons that look like straight up wieners? I mean honestly? I was dying. Kids every where had these balloons so obviously I needed to get my hands on em. And I was pleasantly surprised to see my nieces inappropriate with them. Guess which booth was giving them out? A church. It made it about a million times more amazing.

Next up let me just explain to you that these two men holding their wives/girlfriends purses were absolutely hilarious. They kept switching positions, placing their hands on their hips, swingin the bags around. Oh they killed me. Not to mention take a peak at the size of that corn dog my little sister is eating?!?! Then do me a favor and take a gander at the large wieners my sister has stuffed in her sack... just saying....

These pictures of me and my bestie Sarah basically sum up our friendship.Please take a peak at the bottom right photo. This would be Sarah cackling like a hyena and me straight up scolding someone. I am just so bossy after 4 pitchers of beer...

Last but not least and evening on the boat and of course "driving" a tractor. Essentially I lived it up and payed the price. But whatever, I enjoyed and if I had it to do all over again, I would!

Well nuggets I just love you all to pieces and I just can't wait to hear all about your weekend shenanigans and how you plan to make it through another week at work. I on the other hand only have to survive three days and then I get to head off to the greatest concert venue ever, the Gorge... AHHHH!!!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Basically you take your age (25) and list that number of things you want to do in that year.

Since I am half way through 25 I am cheating and writing my list for 26.

Why?

Because I am a cheater and this is my blog and I do what I want.

What a beauty!

Since I already did a 101 in 1001 list back in June (ya know my first very boring blog post) and I think I have proven I am a teeny bit lazy from time to time I am probably going to steal some from that good ole list. Just embrace it half of you haven’t read it anyway right? Love ya!!!

So here goes it 26 things I want to do in my 26th year!

{1} Get myself to Vegas and stat. Perhaps to celebrate my 26th birthday?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

So this topic has been pretty popular lately on those big girl blogs you know like Ravens or maybe this little mess I don't know if you have heard of them but they kinda rock my world. Anyway I loved their posts so I thought "Hey maybe I will try that out". So I started writing, when I should have been working... but then I got stuck. So I e-mailed my best friend you know this girl that I often talk about:

Best friends for years and years!

And she didn't disappoint. So I thought you know what, who better to tell you what you would know about me so here it is " If your really knew me thru the eyes of my best friend" Sarah's in black I added some side notes in red!

If you really knew Ashley according to Sarah

God, I could write a novel....

If people REALLLY knew you... They would first of all know that you LOVE food.... Like REALLLYY love it. (yeah that's true I think I may have mentioned that)

They would know that your drink of choice is Vitamin R (cheap Rainier Beer). They might even know that when you consume large amounts of Vitamin R that you turn wildly inappropriate.(me inappropriate? Never. I am such a lady)

You are an extremely good writer. Your vocabulary is exceptional. (well thanks love)

You always know what to say to make someone feel better....

or worse if you've got a wild hair up your ass...(yikes I will work on that...)

If someone offends you... or God forbid... one of your close friends.... Shit is about to get real. And fast.(you bet your ass it is!)

Its almost impossible to be serious around you.... and when there are serious moments... they typically don't last long and are followed by bursts of laughter. ( I think that's an "us" thing, we just can't stop laughing)

You are "REALLLYY" sarcastic. ("oh reaaaalllly?" said in my best bridesmaid imitation voice)

You also really love your family... even if they drive you crazy....

And I'm sure there is plenty more... But Dr. Brian keeps creepin behind me... Can't he see I'm busy??

So there you have it kids, this is me straight from my best friends mouth. A girl who has lived with me, held my hair while I puked, laugh, cried, and fought with me. A girl who has watched me in the best of times and stood by me in my hour of need. A girl who I can always count on to make me laugh and to be up for any adventure. If only she was a dude I might consider marriage again. Love ya kitten, stay classy!

So what would your best friend say about you? I can't wait to hear it!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I had a wild weekend. It was quite the adventure. I am still trying to catch up on the missed sleep. I mean who else can say they went to a gay bar, a zoo, and then sealed the deal with eating alligator along with 75 thousand other things... oh that's right its me. Just me. So instead of writing about how awesome it was I will just show you about 800 photos instead. Lets do it to it. (I am so thug its unbelievable)

Loved this Drag Queen, I also love that he asked Dane if we were married!!! Riiight....

Never too old for the Zoo!

Oh Bite of Seattle, I was soo happy to see you, coconut shrimp, crab cakes, and lumpia!

Pancit and chicken skewers, not to mention deep fried mac and cheese!

My encounter with Gator and my fabulous faces.

A day with my best friend is best spent creeping on horses and watching men flag people with gator skewers.

And then I fell in love with this mans dog. No really I loved him.

So that was my weekend, and thank goodness by some miracle I wasn't hungover after drinking all day on Sunday. It was real questionable for a moment though.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

So I will admit that every once in awhile I totally get sucked into watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. I hate it. I hate that they are famous for doing nothing. I mean besides a few sex tapes, divorces, marriages etc. But honestly what is sooo great about this family? Nothing. Except "dat ass" as Kanye might say.

So why is it soo easy to get sucked in to a marathon of KUWTK? I'll tell you why. Scott Disick. God I love that prick. He is the only shining light of amazingness on that show. Well and Kourtney. I like Kourtney. To hell with the rest of those lunatics. Poor Bruce Jenner. I don't know what that guy was thinking. Well obviously he doesn't make the best life choices...aka his plastic surgeons. Too far? Sorry....

Anyway let me give you some examples of why Scott is the best part of this show and I love him dearly.

“Where is she going? to clean her placenta”

Kris Jenner: “Don’t you think that you need to date someone younger than Kourtney?”Scott: “Are you trying to hook me up with Kendall and Kylie?

Kourtney: I think a little discretion goes a long way Scott: I agree, but I think you already know what goes a long way. And that's my genitalia.

Scott (to the mother of his son, Kourt): Suck me dry, beautiful

So thanks Scott because even though you might be a bit of a tool at least you are hilarious and kind of a snappy dresser even.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

There are a few activities that I find important enough to devote an entire day to. I have hobbies and of course like every girl love to spend time with my friends, family and adorable little pooches. But there are some past times that I think deserve a whole day to themselves every once in awhile. Let me explain…

First of all I love to nap. Oh how glorious do naps make you feel? And I am not talking about one of those baby catnaps. I am not talking about one of those 20-minute power naps.I am talking about the kind of nap where you dream, the kind of nap where you have to redo your hair and makeup. I mean the kind of nap that requires pajamas and a cuddly blanket. I really, really value a good nap. I find it to be highly rewarding and also rejuvenating. I find that after a real good nap I am in a delightful mood. I find myself more tolerant of others, more patient and very, very hungry.

Which leads me to my next point that eating is something that I think should be taken very seriously. I believe in choosing meals based on mood and desire. Hence why I might eat a cookie for breakfast, a breakfast burrito for dinner you just never know with me. I do not believe in eating based distinctly on nutritional value or need. I eat because it is delicious; I choose what I eat because it will change my mood and make me happy. When I am mad I eat. When I am sad I eat. When I am happy I eat. The only time I do not eat is when I am sleeping or when I am sick. If I could eat and sleep at the same time I would. And trust me the fact that I cannot eat when I am sick makes me incredibly angry.

My first oysters, sooo good!

My Cheesy bread partner. Its a competition every year who can eat the most. I almost always win.

My favorite breakfast burrito

Day drinking. I prefer day drinking to night drinking. There are many occasions when day drinking is appropriate and almost necessary. For instance camping, you must day drink at least one day during a camping trip. Also tailgating, I highly enjoy day drinking while tailgating because generally this involves a fierce game of flip cup or beer pong. It may even include a flabongo which ifyou have never tried I suggest. Of course there are BBQ’s another great reason for day drinking where you also get to do the afore mentioned, eat. Las Vegas is always a wonderful reason for day drinking because well you can do anything in Vegas!

At Classy wine tasting in Texas for my birthday!

Happy hour don't mind if I do!

Cinco De Mayo with fancy Coronas!

So my little Nuggets what is it that you so very much enjoy? I would love to hear from ya!

Friday, July 20, 2012

I feel as though you would never get here, but here you are. Such a great improvement from Monday and I can't wait for you to continue to get better and better.

Dear Kidneys,

You suck. I am mad at you. I know I need you but if you are going to disrupt my life you have gots to go. Anyone wanna give me a new set? No...?

Dear Rooskey and Bella,

Thank you for loving and cuddling your mamma when she was sick all week. You are the best two fur babies in the whole wide world.

Dear Hunter Hayes,

You are a 20 year old sweet angel and I want nothing more than to marry you. I will be your beautiful mess. Just saying.

Dear Washington Weather,

You have been fan freaking tastic. Gosh I love it when you are like this. I hope you stay warm and sunny for the 2 months and maybe if you are really feeling some mercy for me you will stick around for even longer.

Dear Ms. Marni,

I love you, please pick your wedding colors so that we can pick out our bridesmaids dresses...just saying, not to be a bridesmaidzilla or anything my love!

Dear Seattle,

THANK YOU. Thank you for creating a place where I can stuff my face all day long and not feel guilty. Bite of Seattle here I come.

Dear 7/11,

This news I hear of a "mashed potato machine" disturbs me. I mean Lord knows I love me some mashed potatoes but out of a vending machine? Get real, this isn't never never land grow up! Mashed potatoes should come from scratch or KFC.

How bout you Nuggets what kinda plans do you have this weekend? Also have you joined the link up?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I will admit it; I am a terrible blogger#badblogger. I went
missing for a whole 3 days (and after such a successful job of telling you all
how to be the best fisherwomen out there too). But I have an excuse; I was on
the brink of death. Quite literally I
thought I was going to die. (Insert exasperated sigh) I know you guys must have
been worried sick about me.

So let me tell you the story of my near death experience and
btw this is about to get a little up close and personal... (Remember when I
said I was the most dramatic person ever…)

Anyway so this is what happened: I
woke up at about 5:30am on Monday morning and had to go potty like none other.
So I ran my little self-up to the bathroom and much to my dismay felt all the
terrible signs and symptoms of a urinary tract infection… Well no biggie I tend
to get them kind of frequently so I went down to the store at 6 am and stocked
up on cranberry juice and cranberry tablets. When I got to work I called over
to the nurses’ station and asked if they could send a lab order down so I could
leave a sample. All is well left my little sample at about 10am and was waiting
for the nurse to call and say “yep you got yourself a UTI we will call in some
antibiotics for you”. But no instead something quite different happened.

At
about 12 that day I found myself in the most agonizing pain I have ever felt in
my entire life. Like seriously, the worst pain I have ever been in or could
imagine. Thank goodness I work in a doctor’s office, I very quickly was ushered
down to the doctor’s office where I left a second sample and was told that due
to the location of my pain (lower abdomen) it was possible I could have a
kidney stone. Imagine my horror.
Meanwhile I am in front of my coworkers trying not to cry because I am
in so much pain and the doctor thinks I am “nervous”… ugh yeah because if I
have to pass a kidney stone I am going to be one pist off woman you better
believe it. So anyway he prescribes me some medication says if my pain persists
I will need an ultrasound. He also tells me I need to go home. Well DUH! Anyway
I work about 35 minutes away from where I live. There was no way I could drive.
So I have to call my dad to come pick me up from work. As I am doing this my
threshold finally breaks and I end up sobbing on the phone to my daddy about
how I need to be picked up from work like a 4th grader. How
embarrassing. So my dad has to come and
pick me up with my step mom so that someone can drive my car home and take me
to the pharmacy.

At which point when I finally get home and get some medication
pumping in my body I become useless. I literally laid on the couch for the
remainder of the day. The good news is I am not dying. And I do not have a
kidney stone. Just a REALLY bad kidney infection… the worst part besides all that
pain is that I have to refrain from drinking while on my medication…WORST NEWS
EVERY… And how come when you can't drink all you really want is a drink? Riddle me that batman. Anyway I guess a detox is in order before Watershed anyway. I am banking on an up and coming country star falling in love with me so I should be in my best of spirits.

In other more exciting news, I promise some sprucing up of
this little ole blog is in the works boys and girls! How exciting!!! Also in
the near future I think I might share with you guys why I think waxing is
waaaay better than shaving. Pictures included in all. Well of my legs let’s
keep it PG pervos. OH and this weekend is a little thing called “Bite of
Seattle” Guess who can’t wait to get fat and take a nap this weekend???

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Hard to believe another Sunday is upon me. And big shocker I nursed a hangover for about 7 hours. Gross. And every time I have one of my epic hangovers I say to myself "never again, I have got to learn some limitations." Then next weekend you find me drunker than a leprechaun on St. Patricks Day. I swear, will someone explain to "Crashley" AKA Drunk me, that it is completely unnecessary to make fun of grown men for drinking girly drinks and questioning their masculinity? I mean the only thing that ends up happening is me drunker than Lindsay Lohan because said men then feel the need to "challenge me" which in turn means shots of Jack and chugging contests. Ugh barf. Scratch that I did that enough today. Anyway, enough about my excellent life choices and on to the 15 day challenge.

Its day 15 the very last day! HOLY SHIZZZ.... Anyway this one wasn't that easy for me... But I gave it a whirl. Today's prompt it:

{Day 15} What is the best compliment you have ever received?

I guess the compliments that bring me the most joy are typically ones I receive about my cooking. I love to cook and it brings me the greatest pride when people enjoy something I made. Its one thing to enjoy your own work but when others enjoy it to its pretty rad. My favorite was one time when my 9 year old step sister was trying my chicken fried steak and homestyle gravy. She cracked me up because she was reluctant but took a bite and was like "This gravy is like good. Like restaurant good". My heart swelled because not only did she like it but I knew she had just fell in love with gravy. I love gravy. God I love it. I got into a heated discussion regarding gravy just last night. Yeah that was my night, chugging, insulting men, and debating where the best gravy comes from. Rowdy. I know. Look my taquitos just got finished and this will be my first official meal of the day so its calling my name. Good evening kids and until next time.

Love ya nuggets!

Ps. A huge thank you to Sar for hosting this little challenge! You rock lady!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Okay ladies, I am in a bit of a weird mood this morning... If you follow along with this little blog you know that over here I talked about my marriage and divorce. It has been almost two years since we separated but tomorrow would be his birthday and a short week from that would have been our 5th wedding anniversary. Wow. So how have I decided to acknowledge this time in my life? By taking my wedding dress to the consignment shop. Now don't get me wrong I think I will be happy once a check is in my hand but the actual process of doing this... painful. Well not painful exactly but my chest is feeling tight and there is some anxiousness in the air. But I know there is no reason to keep it. I am never going to put it on again, I am never going to look at it and remember our day, instead I will remember the pain. So it is time. It must be done. And once I have a check in my hand I will be sure to take lots of pictures to show you guys all the sweet stuff I buy!

Anyway, back to my challenge at hand. Today is day 14! Holy crap when did this happen!?!?! So anyway today's prompt was super ridic easy for me. Hands down not a question so here goes it!

{Day14} If you could only watch one movie for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

Uh duh it would be the Notebook. Why? Oh because Ryan Gosling is a stud that's why. Or maybe because it is one of the few things in this life that gives me hope about everlasting love, the Notebook and my grandparents generally. Because I know it by heart and it never gets old. Because I love the way Allie dresses, her hair is beautiful and I wish more than anything in the world I grew up back then. Elegant, tasteful dresses, swing dances, southern plantation homes?!?!?! YES PLEASE! My obsession with said movie is so bad that I actually have had friends ask me if I have found my "Noah" yet. Pathetic I know. We all know nothing will ever live up to Noah from the Notebook. And that reminds me....

Ya heard?

Love!

Alright my task is looming and I must go. I also get to spend the afternoon shopping for my bridesmaid dress for my lovely Ms. Marni's wedding! UGH I am just about as happy as a pickle right now. I don't know why I said that....

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Finally a prompt that doesn't cause me to get all deep and emotional on you guys! PHEW! I am sure you are all pretty excited to not hear about mushy emotional nonsense today... pssshhh lets be serious who is actually reading this lil ole' blog??? I kid. I love each and every one of you, seeing your comments makes my heart happy! It's day 12 kiddos, DAY 12!!!! Guess what the prompt is? You wanna know? Like really?? Alright here goes it...

{Day 12} What are you most looking forward to in the next six months?

BAZINGA! YEAH doggie! I'll tell you what I am looking forward to and I hope that you guys wont be jealous... Ready, Set, GO!

Watershed is the first weekend of August. What is Watershed? A 3 day country musical festival at the breath taking one of a kind Gorge Ampitheatre in Eastern Washington. I am going to camp, drink, get tan, stuff my face, and spend quality time with my favorite people all while being serenaded by some of my favorite country singers. Who might you ask... oh just Blake Shelton, his bad ass wife Miranda Lambert, perhaps that hottie Dierks Bentley? Oh and those are just the headliners there are like 20 other artists. I die. Literally I might die. UUGH is it August yet?

Moves. Yes Moves. Not the ones like Mick Jagger though. Thats weird. Moving to be exact. To a new town, to a new house/apartment with my oldest best friend. I can't wait until Sarah and I make our move over to the Harbor. I can't wait to eat pizza rolls in the middle of the night, have goldfish fights, and walk around in our under wear frequently. If you know either of us you know we hate to be dressed. Currently I have a 12 year old little brother lurking so I can not indulge in such pleasantries. But just you wait.

New Jobs. I just received an offer from my company for a new position. I am totally stoked about it because it is unlike any position I have other had and it will be new and refreshing. I have had a few bad days at work over the past month so this little golden nugget is helping me hold onto my sanity. The light is near!

Tattoos. I don't even know why I said this. I don't have any plans to get any new tattoos... it sounded cool though right?

AH I liked this one. Made me feel all light hearted and happy again. I love ya, each one of you. All 12 to be exact... Oh you aren't counted in my 12? Thats because you have yet to click that little blue button that says "follow this blog" I dare ya to do it... Yes I just begged. Get over it.

Its day 13. Feels like day 740 though. Not really. I am just as lazy as can be.No I am not proud of that...well maybe. I mean c'mon who doesn't like to be lazy even if its just for a little bit?

Oh do you guys remember when I talked about Papa Chuckisms? He really laid a few on me tonight. He asked my little brother if he wanted to get "Socked in the eye". Now I know this doesn't sound funny but this is how the convo went:

Me " Its 940 million degrees in this damn house!!!"

Papa Chuck " Are all the windows open?"

Me " Yeah I opened up when I got home a few minutes ago."

Mission " Well they were open earlier but I closed them."

Papa Chuck " Mission do you wanna get socked in the eye?"

We don't take kindly to warm weather in these parts. I mean granted as soon as it hits 65 we are in shorts and sun dresses but the moment our homes start to heat up the shit hits the fan. Papa Chuck then went on to explain the "1 inch eye socketpunch"."Apparently" it is imperative that you raise your middle finger knuckle up by 1 inch in order to make effecient contact with the entire eye socket. He gladly displayed this on command for me. When I complimented him on his willingness to pose for pictures he knows are headed straight for blog town he said " thats because I'm old and I don't care. Thats what happens when you're 50." Well played Papa Chuck.

Exhibit A. (He also just said "Warning do not try this at home you must be a highly skilled individual" I swear I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Anyway I should get on track here and talk about the prompt for day 13.

Rando much with the favorites? What happened to favorite color? Yellow in case you are wondering. Anyway I am rambling again so I better just get on with this...

Song: Ugh I don't have one. Honestly. Thats so flippin difficult. But I do really love that song from the notebook when they dance in the street "I'll be seeing you, in all the old familiar places..." Thats a good one. Oh but I also do quite fancy disney movies especially Beauty and the Beast and I love "Somthing There" Yes I sing it to myself sometimes. Don't judge.

Quote: You guessed it another from my gal Liz who wrote Eat Pray Love. It goes a little somethign like this " You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your back bone oughtta be" Couldn't of said it better and when I read this it was like God was personally telling me "Hey you, yeah you, the one who let your husband walk all over you. No more."

Food: Chicken fried steak or meatloaf. But if you count Gravy as a food, which I do, it would be Gravy. ANY GRAVY. I love it. Oooh or Grammys home made Beef and Noodles. It's so good it should be illegal.

Vacation Spot: I really love Texas. And since I have never even been out of this country I am going to say Texas. I love it there so much. Or Banks Lake. But that has more to do with company, 72 ounce daquries and sun...

Photo: Just about any picture of my nieces and nephews lets be honest. But if you mean of me... hmm let me show you...

Yes that is me, amazing what a little photo shop can do right?

Call me a bad friend but c'mon this is priceless! New Years 2011!

At this point Trashley is passed out and Marni is shoving Aaron out of the car because he is puking in the Jack and the Box drive thru. And yes my Mom did come pick us up from a new years party.

Now do me a favor and hop on over to Sar's page and visit the link up, you won't be disappointed! And if you are it's not my fault.... Love ya Nuggets!

You know yesterday I was being a real whiney snatch regarding my work life; maybe it's because some bat shit crazy guy kept me on the phone for 30 minutes complaining about things I have no control over... Yeah that might have been it. Not to mention the entire time I am thinkin about how my call stats are going down the drain. I pride myself on having legit call stats so it really chaps my ass when some dip shit comes and messes up my stuff. But that was yesterday.

Today I like my job, but not too much. I only kind of like it. So of course I would much rather clean up the free lunch while on the clock than sit at my desk.

Did you catch that free lunch part? Yeah so right now I have my 3rd serving of Doritos in a plastic cup next to me. Not to mention my 3rd sandwich and i just warmed up my leftover teriyaki. Life is good.

You know this 15 day challenge is certainly making me do some thinking. Yesterday I went a little over board and spewed all over the place... but now you know the story hopefully you guys still love me...perhaps you understand me a little bit better? Who knows honestly. Today is day number 11. Guess what the prompt is today?? Let me enlighten you my friends...

{11} What's one thing you would never change about yourself?

Oh mercy me... One thing I would never change about myself? Well because as I write this my belly is full, I had a delicious beer with dinner and some of my favorite company to cheer me up I am trying to be optimistic and come up with something good... However I am drawing a real blank here...I mean this could go so many ways... talents? Personality traits? Physical traits? Experiences... I don't know where to begin. Honestly.

So I suppose I should say this... I will never change the fact that when I love, I love deep and desperately. I fall hard and with reckless abandon. Its one of my favorite and least favorite things about myself. I will quote my girl Elizabeth on this one...

“If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert

You said it Liz. Just another reason why I love this book.

I'm off to cuddle my little Nuggets and bask in some self pity because everyone needs a party every once in awhile right?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Another day has dawned my friends. It is day 10 of the 15 day-challenge and today’s post is something that I try to steer clear of. Like other side of the world clear. I hate getting emotional because I do it way too often in my real life, yes I know I should share the good and the bad on my blog but honestly why would you wanna read about all the no, good, terrible bad things in my life? I try to focus on the positive but because I made a commitment to this challenge I will step up and take the bait.

{Day 10} What’s your most embarrassing moment?

Phew… embarrassing moment, I don’t tend to get embarrassed very-easily. I mean it is kind of hard to embarrass someone who has a weird fixation with peeing outside. It is also hard to embarrass a person who lived with 20 other girls at one point. Also hard to embarrass someone who just doesn’t give a shizzz about what other people think about her… However without a doubt the most embarrassing moment of my life happens almost every day. The moment I have to admit that I am 25 and divorced is exceptionally embarrassing. I hate it. I am so ashamed that I did the one thing I never wanted to do which was get a divorce. Am I glad I did it? Without a single doubt I am. Am I happier now? Oh you better believe I am. Would I take it back? No, not in a million years. But you just can’t help but feel ashamed of failing at something you believed in with your whole heart. I am embarrassed to say I am a divorced woman at the mere age of 25. Shall I elaborate on how I got here… I suppose now is as good a time as ever.

I chose to come home from college mid-way through my sophomore year. I was failing classes, hopelessly lost on who I was and wanted to be, my family was in crisis. I was plain and simple miserable. So I came home. I packed everything up in my little Mazda 3 and hit the road. I ran basically. At the time I had been dating a man from Nebraska (we met when I was on vacation visiting friends) I thought he was the one for me. I fell hard and was actually planning on moving to Nebraska and starting classes at UNL. He had different ideas. He broke my sweet little heart days after I returned from a visit there. I was even more of an emotional hot mess than before. I relied on my friends and a lot of booze to get me through. One of my friends was named “Justin” (not his actual name). He really helped me to see that I was better than how “Nebraska” had treated me. He listened day in and day out as I cried and cried and cried. He never judged me or made me feel ridiculous for how I was feeling. He prayed with me, he prayed for me and was a great comfort to me. As time went by our friendship became closer and at one point I prayed and asked God to show me exactly where Justin belonged in my life. Oddly enough the next day he came over to watch movies and as usual he fell asleep on the couch. I wandered off to my room and went to bed because this was not unusual. What was unusual was when Justin came jumping into my bed the next day. He had never even been in my room. Something changed between us that day. All of a sudden I saw Justin in a different way. The rest was history, we began dating. We were together all the time. One day we began talking about marriage and I knew deep in my heart that Justin loved my more than any other person ever had, that he would always take care of me and always be my best friend. He asked me to be his wife in a very nontraditional way. It went like this:
Justin- “Hey so you remember how we talked about getting married in a few years? What if we like got married now…”
Me- “What do you mean now?”
Justin-“Like this summer.”
Me- “Oh… Okay”

Yeah totally romantic I know. So he asked for my dad’s permission.Then he asked his dad who was a pastor for his permission and if he would marry us. Both prayed about it and gave us their blessing. We were married 3 months later in a small ceremony with our closest friends and family. I beamed. I was so happy to be his wife. I thought that all my dreams were coming true. That nothing in this world could ever make me happier. What I didn’t know is that being married is hard. Really hard. And sometimes life has its own plans for you. Less than a year after we were married Justin's dad passed away from Bone cancer. The family was devastated. Justin was lost to say the least. Not to mention he had been in search of a new job for 6 months without any luck after getting out of the Army. To say our first year at marriage was difficult is an understatement. When it finally felt like we were easing into a routine, Justin had begun a new job that he was excited about, he was happier than I had seen him in a long time. We had just moved into a new apartment and it felt like we were moving forward. Until we got the letter. The letter that changed everything. Justin came home early from his first day at his new job. I had been sent home early from work because of a storm that was coming and the power being out. I thought I would enjoy the first twilight movie and a nap, I was wrong. Justin sat down next to me and I will never forget the words he said “Ashley, I will need you to be stronger than you ever have been. You need to read this.” He handed me a fedex letter. I opened it and as I tried to make sense of a bunch of words and abbreviations I couldn’t understand I finally laid eyes on a sentence that would forever change my life. “Report for duty for a period not to exceed 400 days in operation with Enduring Iraqi Freedom”.

Justin was being called back to serve with the United States Army. He had been out of the Army for over a year, but was being involuntarily re-activated. Not only that but he was to leave in 12 days. I wanted to break down and lose my shit right there. But I didn’t. I remember thinkin to myself…this is it, this is when you have to make a choice, be strong or fall apart. I called my sister and told her what was happening. Then I called my best friend. Justin and I spent the next 12 days preparing for his departure. I would not cry in front of him, only in the comfort of the night when he was fast asleep. We spent our Valentine’s Day in Leavenworth snowboarding and relaxing. When I finally had to drop him off at the airport days later I vowed to be strong. I hugged him goodbye and watched him walk away. I got in the car and lost it. I cried so hard I thought I was going to throw up. When I finally managed to get back home I curled up in bed and layed there all day.

The next few months Justin was in training he went from South Carolina to Mississippi to Illinios. It was grueling and unfamiliar and stressful. We were on different schedules and I hadn't been away from Justin for this long in our whole relationship. He eventually began to become angry over little things, things that normally he wouldn’t get upset about. I assumed it was because of the stress of it all and the looming date of deployment to Afghanistan. I was wrong.

Over the next year he verbally abused me. It would seem like he loved me more than anything in the world one day and the next he was telling me I was a crazy bitch. He would threaten to send me divorce papers at least once a month. I would call my family crying hysterically or my very best friends. I was a mess. I tried so hard to blame it on the stress he was under, I went to counseling to try and avoid building up resentment towards him. I did my best to try to make that year less awful. I branched out and made new friends. I worked two jobs for half of it and also went back to school for a certification program. I went on a few trips with girlfriends. I tried to do whatever Justin asked of me, I let him spend money like crazy without saying a word; I sent him whatever he asked for. I tried not to get upset when he didn’t acknowledge our anniversary, my birthday or even Christmas. Slowly I felt myself shutting down. I held out hope though because there would be weeks when he acted like the man I fell desperately in love with. I thought that if I just kept praying and believing we could be ok. He came home after being gone for 1 year and I was so nervous. I prayed and prayed that it would be ok. I felt awful because a part of me was scared for him to come home.

At first it was ok. But I started to notice changes in him. A man that was usually outgoing and social was withdrawn and defensive. A person that was nurturing and loving to me in times of need was gone. I was deeply saddened and heart broken. A man who loved God with all of his heart was now telling me that he didn’t believe in God. I was so lost. I tried to find the man I loved hidden within this stranger. I tried to support him but he continued to push me and everyone else out of his life. I do not claim to be blameless in the demise of our marriage. I am sure I could have done a million things differently and I was not easy to be married to in the beginning of our marriage. I was clingy, needy, and desperate for love; making it so difficult for him. But enough was enough. After him walking out on me several times only to return a day or two later I finally made a decision while on a girl’strip. I spent 4 days with my closest friends and they helped talk me through my feelings. I finally accepted that I could no longer live a life like this. I deserved to be happy and appreciated.

When I came home from that trip the next day I told him I thought that our marriage was beyond repair. That I felt too exhausted to keep trying. I explained that I loved him deeply but was too hurt to continue this way. That I wanted to be happy and that I wanted him to be happy even if that meant we had to go our separate ways. It was the first conversation about our relationship that didn’t end in a screaming match. He completely agreed with me and said he had felt that way for a while but was scared to hurt me. (Odd since he had been hurting me for a solid year) That evening I packed a few suitcases and drove over to my best friend’s house. She welcomed me with open arms as I scarfed down a grande meal from taco bell and sobbed.

We separated in November of 2010 a few days before my 24th birthday. We were legally divorced February 22nd 2011. Oddly enough this was the day that he left to go to training in 2009.I can tell you with all the sincerity in me that I loved that man. I wanted nothing more than to create a life with him and grow old. It breaks my heart still to know that we won’t have that life together because at a time in my life I was certain we would. I do not regret gettin married so young (I was only 20) and I do not regret finally making a choice to get out of a very unhealthy relationship. We have gone our separate ways and while we have tried to remain friends we have had our ups and downs. As much hurt as I received from him I wish him nothing but happiness and truly hope that he goes on to become the great man I know he is capable of being. He helped me to become a stronger and independent person. He taught me how to stand up for who I am and what I want in life. He taught me that nothing in life is certain. He loved me through some of the worst times in my life and supported me when I was anything but easy to love. But in the end we just could not make it work. However we are now both moving on into our new lives and I hope that one day I will no longer feel such shame when I must admit that I am 25 and divorced.

Wow thank you all for reading that was a lot and super long I apologize but it sure did feel good to get that off my chest! I love each of you that takes time to read my ramblings and I hope that in some way this helped you all to get to know me a little better!