So instead, I'm going to use this opportunity to extend a firm middle finger salute to Network Ten Australia and their propensity towards terrible programming and flagrant lies about what is going to air on Australia's Channel 10.

(This is actually supposed to be a rant about the latter, but I know it's going to turn into a rant about reality TV, so bear with me!)

Firstly, let me say for those of you lucky enough to live elsewhere, in Australia, Channel 10 has the rights to all the best programs. The Simpsons, Law & Order, the biggest movies - it's by a longshot the best watch for mainstream public television in Australia.

Unfortunately, it also has an obscene propensity towards cramming every spare broadcasting minute with the rampant disgusting mindless plague that is the so poorly named "Reality TV". From Big Brother Australia, to Australian Idol, to The X Factor, to Australia's Next Top Model, to Survivor Australia (do these titles sound at all familiar to my American and British readers?) and every other idiotic thing in between, Australia is obsessed with this "Reality TV", and most of it ends up on Channel 10. Yes, if your idea of television perfection is watching a dozen strangers locked in a mansion on a deserted tropical island, and forced to use their singing talents to compete for a million dollar prize while being tempted to cheat on their partners with supermodels and given countless gruelling tasks and tests to perform while being videotaped 24/7 (oh, except for any parts that may actually constitute actual "reality", like going to the toilet!), then Channel 10 is definately the station to watch in Australia.

Now fair enough. As much as I think this "Reality TV" is meaningless pathetic superficial shit rehashed over and over again with a barely perfunctory attempt at making it unique each season, and that it is absolutely a genre of entertainment geared solely towards the lowest common denomenator of human intelligence, a generation who have never heard of Bob Dylan or The Beatles but will worship their voted Idol until next season's winner relegates the previous superstar into media obscurity - fair enough. Ratings are ratings, and business is business. If that's what the unwashed masses want to see, that's what the unwashed masses are going to get. I hate it, but I understand it.

What I do take firm issue with however, is the flagrant lies this network perpetrates in its advertising, and the method by which this "Reality TV" is prioritized over every other program shown on the network, without so much as a warning nor apology, and there's not a damn thing one can do about it.

Australia's Big Brother is the worst offender here. This show can, at times, run up to half an hour or even more over its alloted timeslot, delaying, or in some cases even replacing the program that was supposed to follow it, which is usually a high-rating TV drama such as Law & Order. Now fair enough, with "live", "unscripted" television, I'd imagine it would be difficult to stick to a preset timeline, but what about those of us who can't stand to watch that pathetic garbage, but who do enjoy Law & Order (for example, or whatever show happens to follow Big Brother on any given evening)? Why should we have to wait an extra half an hour past the time we were advised the program would begin, and worse - not even being advised how long it will actually be, and hence having to stay tuned into that station, adding another notch to their ratings, just to make sure we don't miss the start of the next show?!

But the timing isn't the only problem. I for one am sick and fucking tired of the lies they use to advertise their programs these days. I mean, I'm all for marketing, but there's exaggeration and creative license, and then there's blatant lies. Channel 10 has taken to advertising from time to time, and I quote, a "Brand new movie length episode of Law & Order". Well, let me tell you something viewers - unless the TEN Network is broadcasting the Law & Order telemovie Exiled: A Law & Order Movie every other week, then this is a LIE -quite simply, there has never BEEN a "movie length episode" of Law & Order - even the pilot episode, unlike some other shows, was not double-length. When Channel 10 advertises a "brand new movie length episode", what they mean to say is, they will show one regular, hour length with commercial breaks, new to Australian television episode, followed by one old, repeated in syndication, hour length with commercial breaks, seen in Australia several, if not many times, episode after it. Calling this lineup a "brand new movie length episode" is not creative marketing - it's a ridiculous outright lie.

And don't even get me STARTED on the number of times recently Channel 10 has promised an "all new episode" of Law & Order or one of its sister series', and then aired an ancient repeat right there in the promised timeslot with no apology or recognition of the false advertising!

So, what does that leave us with? A television station that lies about its programming lineup, lies about its programming schedule and timing, and then slathers what's left with mind numbing "Reality TV" (and yes, I intentionally continue to say that in quotes to indicate that it is nothing more than a catch phrase - this so-called reality these shows offer is no less false, scripted and fictional and no more "real" than daytime soap at best) to make the majority of their viewing demographic forget that everything else they were supposed to be watching has inconspicuously fallen by the wayside without so much as a by your leave...

The only thing Big Brother is watching in my household is the sight of me missing out on the shows I would actually enjoy, night after night, and the sight of me turning off Channel 10 in disgust more and more often every time I try to tune in to something I might like to watch, only to find that I've been scammed once again.

Oh, and as a petty sidenote, while I'm on my soapbox - good Lord, who was the idiot casting director who not only hired that revolting crone Gretel Killeen, but kept her on for five seasons running?! Deary, bleached platinum blonde hair on a woman your age is not becoming. Please, put down the microphone, pick up your knitting, and get your fucking ugly wrinkled ass off my television. You have the celebrity sex appeal of Dame Edna Everage and less personality than Dilbert. Please, just go away...

I despise reality t.v. So much so that I seldom turn on my television to watch much of anything other than a good movie, if one should happen to be playing. Law and order is one that I do not pick up due to the fact that I live away from the mainsream and my antenna just will not pick up that station. My mom is a big fan of it though and we have the same taste in televisions shows, so I would probably like it. I have a satellite but I cannot pick up the networks with it. I only get one network channel and it is full of reality t.v.

The reason that I am laughing is because once again we seem to be dancing to the same tune! <hands over another smoke> you earned it.

You know what the worst thing is though? (Rant followup forthcoming!) It's just NOT REALITY. I was once involved with a company called LifeCams, before they went under. It was an online company who set people up with webcams all throughout their homes and then streamed the video live to the web. It sounds like porn, but it wasn't really. The subjects were just normal people who went about their daily lives - cooked their dinner, watched their TV, showered, slept, etc. Now THAT was reality TV! They were never put into teams, or made to fulfill stupid tasks or projects or competitions, or cut off from the outside world, or any other ridiculous gimmick like that which never happens to people in reality. They just lived their lives, on camera, and as droll as it may sound when I describe it here, it was a hell of a lot more interesting to watch than the so-called "Reality TV" they show on the networks!

So yeah... screw "Reality TV", and screw networks who lie about their programming instead of just admitting that they're just a "Reality TV" network and anything else they may run in the gaps between "Reality TV" should be considered a bonus. =)

What I am thinking, or perhaps just hoping too much, is the "realityshow" genre will die out soon. There seem to be more and more people that are fed up with it, even some that were fans at one point. That seems to be the general consensus from my immediate area at any rate. We can always hope.

I dunno... from where I'm sitting, it could be just wishful thinking... then again, Australia has always been a few years behind America culturally, so it's possible that our unwashed masses haven't peaked yet, whereas America is already over the concept. We get more Reality TV every season, each time some network exec realizes that there's another US or UK reality show we haven't ripped off yet. Considering every single reality show we get here is just a blatant rip of another country's concept (if not the show itself in syndication - stations here show America's Next Top Model and Australia's Next Top Model, American Idol and Australian Idol, etc!), we might be lucky though - if other countries tire of the stupid garbage first, then we'll run out of material by default. So, we could get lucky!

I rarely don't get into RealityTV but there are some out there that are hilarious... like The Joe Schmoe Show. Only one guy was real, the rest were actors. One huge practical joke, fucking genius. The most recent one is a chuck-off of The Apprentice called My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. This guy fires people for being short or ugly and whatnot! It's a good laugh.

They need a RealityTV show like Series 7...

"And how will John be taken from us today? John, pick your death!" *rummages in a hat and hands card to George Hamilton-like presenter* "It's flaying! John has chosen to die with no skin on! *gameshow host grin*"

Heh heh... so yeah, it'll die out, or follow the vein of the recent popular shows (namely, the forensics stuff) "And next on DIY Enbalming we have Jim the taxidermist fresh from the deer stuffing!" *giggles* Oh, the possibilities!

Tyranny wrote:I rarely don't get into RealityTV but there are some out there that are hilarious... like The Joe Schmoe Show. Only one guy was real, the rest were actors. One huge practical joke, fucking genius. The most recent one is a chuck-off of The Apprentice called My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. This guy fires people for being short or ugly and whatnot! It's a good laugh.

Actually, I have to admit, I do really like the Joe Schmoe Show... and I did get kind of into one silly American "reality TV" show a while back which shall remain nameless... but mainly I like those because they don't really even appear to be attempting to mimic "reality"... if you ask me, a lot of those are probably scripted fiction anyway just made to look like reality TV... =)

Still, Big Brother makes me ill, as do the various Idol and Popstar/Rockstar shows that turn our music industry into a talent quest. That moldy hag Gretel Killeen had the audacity to refer to their episode today as "history making interactive television", and I nearly kicked the TV over...

Venomous wrote:Still, Big Brother makes me ill, as do the various Idol and Popstar/Rockstar shows that turn our music industry into a talent quest. That moldy hag Gretel Killeen had the audacity to refer to their episode today as "history making interactive television", and I nearly kicked the TV over...

Heh, I hear ya on Gretel... I mean, she used to be funny! Now she's just... mutton dressed as lamb that actually looks like the dags from a sheep's arse. So what was so history-making anyway?

No, I disagree with you there. She was never funny - she's always been stupid, boring and ugly, and she's getting moreso with every season. And that bleached blonde hair this hair, yeah, as you said - mutton dressed as lamb. Yuck.

I came so close to actually texting in an eviction vote the other guy and writing "GRETEL" in the text. =P

Tyranny wrote:Oh, I mean when she was at ComFests and GNW and such... yeeeeeeears ago, way before BB.

That awful troll actually had screen time before Big Brother? Man, I thought that despicable show spawned that despicable career... ahh well, I guess at least she's famous now, and probably highly paid. {shrugs}

Tyranny wrote:DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT! Awesome idea, V...

Meh, not worth the 55c it would cost for me to get absolutely no satisfaction other than assuming that some minimum wage ass jockey would see it, smirk, and delete it and get on with his day...

Venomous wrote:That awful troll actually had screen time before Big Brother? Man, I thought that despicable show spawned that despicable career... ahh well, I guess at least she's famous now, and probably highly paid. {shrugs}

Well in a way it did. She had natural hair and wore more *covering* clothing... she ceased to be the Gretel I knew and became... that... that... thing. *shudder*

Venomous wrote:Meh, not worth the 55c it would cost for me to get absolutely no satisfaction other than assuming that some minimum wage ass jockey would see it, smirk, and delete it and get on with his day...

Nah, send it into the Up-Late phones where they put everything up on the screen, like Channel [V] do. *sigh* I miss cable tele.. TV1, man. L&O, every day, you lucky bastard.

Tyranny wrote:Nah, send it into the Up-Late phones where they put everything up on the screen, like Channel [V] do. *sigh* I miss cable tele.. TV1, man. L&O, every day, you lucky bastard. :P

Heh, I've been pulling all-nighters with the laptop in front of the TV since my PC blew up... the standard lineup is Married With Children, Law & Order: CI, Stargate (replaced today by Star Trek: TNG though), Sliders, Quantum Leap, Mad About You, Becker... and then it all goes downhill from there... The A-Team, Fantasy Island, Starsky & Hutch, Magnum PI, Who's The Boss... and if I get that far, then it's full daylight and past my bedtime... =P

Although, explain this to me... all those 70's shows are on TV1, and yet Everybody Loves Raymond is on Fox Classics. What a crock of shit. That show's about as classic as Sabrina the Teenage Witch.