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These are the two debates that took place on July 30 and 31, 2019, to be clear. So, technically, the third and fourth Democratic debates.

WINNERS:

Donald Trump: Every pundit was saying that Trump would benefit from all this Democratic squabbling, so it must be true. Never mind the example of the Republican debates four years ago, which gave the right hours of free airtime to lob unanswered attacks against Hillary Clinton and shape the narrative of the entire campaign

Audience protestors: Their chants of “[inaudible yelling]!” and “[indecipherable] deportations!” will live long in the memory

Spanning ten individually illustrated chapters and almost two thousand lines of iambic pentameter, covering everything from the Republican primary to the Anthony Scaramucci debacle and beyond, Priebus Lost is the definitive Paradise Lost parody of the Trump era. Below you will find links to every chapter of this extraordinary poem. Enjoy.

If you wish instead to see the entire poem on one page (with helpful line numbering!) click here.