Ah yes, the double feature! Two movies for the price of one! How can you go wrong? Simple, usually neither movie is all that great and sometimes they just plain suck. With that said...

Welcome to BigRuta's first double feature b-movie review! Zowwie have we got a couple of classics for you tonight kiddies! From Hell It Came! and Zontar The Thing From Venus! Yep, ya know when you see the exclamation points, the flick has to be good!

From Hell It Came!This beauty was made in 1957. Why? I have no idea!

The Plot:A witch doctor on a remote South Pacific island kills the chief and frames the chief's son. The chief's son vows revenge and comes back from - guess where! - to kill those who betrayed him. Fortunately for those silly Pacific islanders, there are some white American scientists around to take care of the vengeful spirit.

The Hook:When the chief's son, named Keeno, comes back from the dead he is not a ghost - oh no! That would be much too conventional! No, Keeno uses "the natural spirits of the island" to come back as a Tobanga. What is a Tobanga you ask? It is a vengeful creature that grows from the grave of the one who vowed vengeance. Or, to be more exact - it's a tree. A walking killer tree. With a human heart. Yeah.

The Goodies:Okay, first of all, all of the actors are obviously white or Hispanic. There is even a native with blond hair! And he is a guy! What's up with that! If you are going to ignore genetics and have a blond south Pacific islander then dammit make it a babe!

The American scientists are there trying to find a cure for a plague that is killing off the natives. The witch doctor ferments distrust of the Americans by telling his people that it is the "Devil dust" of the Americans that is killing them. That would be your nuclear fallout that came down on the island from atomic testing nearby. Whoops! Oh, by the way, on this remote island where supplies only come like twice a year, the Americans have a compound with: full electricity, full plumbing, a gas oven, a full size refrigerator and an operating table. Damn! They were the greatest generation!

So, Keeno is killed by having a ceremonial dagger driven into his heart and when the Tobanga grows from his grave, it also has the dagger sticking out of it. Remember that - it's important! Well, of course the Americans desecrate Keeno's grave and take the Tobanga to their compound for study. Gee, I don't know why the natives don't like us! They discover that it has a human heart and that it may be able to move. They realize it is dying, and give it fluids via an IV! When they get up the next morning, the lab has been trashed and the Tobanga is gone. They blame the natives. Remember - they are scientists. They're smart. Yeah.

Well, the Tobanga rampages over the island killing those who betrayed and murdered Keeno. When I say rampages I of course mean walks very slowly. Very slowly. You could reach down and re-tie both your shoes before you started to run away from it. This was probably due to the costume being rigid from the knees up, so the guy in the suit could not move any faster. Besides, it's a tree remember? And when I say killing I of course mean picking them up and flinging them into the local quicksand pond so we can watch them go, "No! No! Noooo! Ahrrrgggg!" 'blub, blub, blub'.

The Tobanga kills several people including Kory - Keeno's wife who betrayed him to the witch doctor - and the good doctor himself. The natives lure the Tobanga into a pit and set fire to it, but that don't work. The Americans shoot it, but - come on! - when have bullets ever done anything to a b-movie monster!

The Tobanga kidnaps the hot blond American scientist. Why? No idea. Maybe he had a woody. Ha ha ha! Get it? A woody? Nevermind. Then the bright as all get out Americans get the idea that if they could shoot the end of the dagger, it would be driven fully into the Tobanga's heart and kill it! Yeah! Don't you feel silly for not thinking of that? Well, it takes several shots, but they succeed and the Tobanga falls over dead into the quicksand. The grateful natives now love the Americans!

Yep it's just as silly as it sounds. There a few good lines:

One of the scientists laments. "Why did I have to fall in love with a dedicated female scientist?"Keeno says just befoe he is killed, "In death I will be stronger than in life! I shall come back from Hell and make you pay for your crimes!" Okay, okay, we get it!

There is a shower scene with the hot blond scientist, but it was the 50's, so we get to see her legs below the towel and her shoulders above it. Wow! The native girls show more. I guess this was included for the boys in the audience.

And of course there is the required comic relief provided by an Australian widow who runs a trading post and who is quite simply a slut. Unless she is in imminent danger of being killed, she is letting any male nearby know that this could be his lucky day. Unfortunately for her she is rather long in the tooth and the island is filled with young native babes. The accent the obviously not Australian actress uses is horrible. I felt cheated because she did not get killed.

This movie inspired a critic at the time to write, 'And to hell it can go!'

The Plot:Zontar - he's a thing from Venus - hijacks a satellite, comes to Earth and tries to take over the planet with the help of a "brilliant" scientist.

The Hook:

Zontar communicates with Keith the scientist via a special laser radio Keith has made and keeps in a closet in his living room. Yeah. Zontar convinces Keith that he will help human beings bring an end to war and poverty and disease and hunger and Communism and modern art and crazy teen-agers and rock & roll and all the other problems of modern civilization. There will be peace and mankind will work with Zontar to evolve into "something better." Yeah, we all know that's bullflop, but Keith is...well...a dork.

The Goodies:

Keith - who looks like an adult Millhouse from 'The Simpsons' - has issues. He is a brilliant scientist who has a gift for conceptualization. He is also an emotional basket case. He believes everything Zontar tells him, and because no one else can hear Zontar, everybody else thinks Keith is a bit bent. This just makes him paranoid and resentful.

In one of those only-in-the-movies situations, Keith happens to be married to a hot blond southern beauty pageant winner. He ignores her and would rather spend his time with Zontar. He's just a thing kind of guy I guess.

Keith's boss and friend Kurt is played by veteran b-movie star John Agar, best known from The Thing From Another World. I guess John was a thing kind of guy too. Keith tries to convince Kurt that Zontar is real and that he means to help man.

Once Zontar lands and takes up residence in a nearby cave, he gets Keith to give him the names of all of the important and powerful people in the area. Zontar then sends out "injecter pods" which are little bits of Zontar himself that fly and inject people with some of Zontar so that he can control them. In effect, they become part of Zontar. These people have little antennae sticking out of their necks where the injecter pods...uh...injected them. Once injected, the folks lose their emotions. The injector pods look like lobsters with wing make-up.

Zontar also stops all power "at its source" (?). So, no cars or radios or TVs or heaters or lights or anything that requires power work. Sucks for those on life support at the hospital, eh?

Well, Kurt soon finds out that Zontar is real and he is controlling folks and making them help him take over. He confronts Keith, but Keith says that it is all part of the plan to make a peaceful world. Once Kurt leaves, Keith tells Zontar where Kurt lives and when he will be home. When Kurt gets home, his wife Ann flings an injecter pod at him. Kurt kills it with a fire poker and then coldly gut-shoots Ann!

Kurt goes to Keith's place to kill him. Meanwhile, Martha - Keith's hot little southern belle wife - goes out to the cave with a gun to kill Zontar in the hopes that that will save Keith. Oh yeah, and the world. Well, as noted in the above review, guns ain't no good versus...uh...things. Zontar kills Martha - and lets Keith watch! This breaks Keith and he agrees to help Kurt kill Zontar using the laser power source from his laser radio. Okay, everybody make quote fingers and do your best Dr. Evil, "Laser!"

Keith kills Zontar, but he dies too. The end.

Dear God was this thing made on the cheap! It was fimed on 16mm color film and the print I saw had faded so much it looked almost like balck and white. The "research installation" Kurt and Keith work at seems to consist of a couple of rooms with some generic 60's style honkin big computers with the big magnetic tape spools. Oh and lots of oscilloscopes. Can't have a research installation without oscilloscopes.

Great lines:

Keith: "The days of people making fun of me are over!""Although his name is untranslateable into any Earth language, it sort of sounds like Zontar.""You will beg to save your world!"

General: "Understand it? Of course not! No one understands it, but it's the scientific discovery of the century!"

Kurt: "I just saw you kill, in cold blood, your dearest friend. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for an explanation."

Martha: "You took my husband away from me and now I'm going to kill you!"

Zontar: "buzz buzz buzz buzz"

This is one of those films that is so bad it is good - but just barely!

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

What kind of beer do you drink when you watch a couple of really cheap American b-movies? A really cheap American beer! This may be the start of another quest! I just might try to find a good cheap beer. What is cheap? Well, I say it's any beer that sells for $4 or less a six-pack. And that brings me to...

Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor! $3.95 a six. Mickey's is made in Milwaukee, WI. It is 5.60% ABV with a very low IBU rating.

What is the difference between beer and malt liquor? Well, it has to do with ingredients. Some malt liquors don't have barley or hops in them. Some are just fermented processed grain malt or even extract or corn syrup! They are the most basic fermented beverage. Some real beers are also called malt liquor. Why? Not sure, and frankly, it's not worth going into here.

Mickey's has a light yellow color, a non-persistent head with big bubbles and not much aroma. It also is over carbonated, which produces lots of big bubbles that practically race to the top of the glass.

Ya know, when I was in my late teens I drank quite a bit of Mickey's at parties and just hanging out with friends. We liked it because it was cheap and had little taste and therefore we could drink 'em down quick. The bottles are green and shaped like barrels. We used to call them "hand grenades." Mickey's still has little taste. It's rather watery, with just a little sour taste during the finish and a slight aftertaste.

No bones about it - Mickey's is a "Let's get wasted!" beer.

Under the cap, there is a little definition joke. For example: "nonbusted - a cross-dresser named Ed." Yuk, yuk yuk!

Oh and the label on cans of Mickey's, is a picture of the bottle!

It's cheap, but good? I would not go that far! Although I would be willing to bet that if Keith had kicked back with a few Mickey's now and then...nah! He would still have been a dork!

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Well, the old saying is that three is the charm. But, are you freakin kidding me!? After trying only three brews could our search for Bibliobabe's fabled sweet and yummy beer be over? So soon? Ya know what - I think it may just be true.

As you may recall, I have mentioned the nation of Belgium several times in this here blog. The Belgians love beer. They also love to experiment with their beer. Sure, Germany and to a lesser extent Eastern Europe and Britain get lots of props for the brews they produce. However many beer snobs consider the little country just north of France to be the most interesting beer region in Europe. Some consider Trappist ales - ales brewed by Trappist monks in their abbeys - to be the finest beers available. I happen to really like Trappist ales. You will hear about them soon!

By now you should have guessed that the beer that I think will win over Bibliobabe's heart hails from Belgium. Yep! So, do you remember when I mentioned lambics? Lambics are a style of beer that originated in the region now occupied by Belgium. Lambics rely on spontaneous fermentation (as opposed to induced fermentation) and generally consist of about 30% or more wheat. There is a lot more to them, but that is enough for our purposes. A real lambic fan could write books about them, and of course many have. Like other beers lambics can be young or aged. Young lambics have a distinctive cider-like taste. Aged lambics tend to be much more acidic and therefore much more bitter.

Now when I say that young lambics taste like cider, I don't mean the dark brown opaque stuff with all the extra worm squish in it that you get from apple orchards in the fall. I mean fermented cider. Like Woodchuck or Strongbow. Never heard of those? Truck it on down to your local beverage store - you'll find 'em. They have a nice crisp apple taste and as much alcohol as mass market beers. In fact 'cider' is a category in many brewing competitions. Bibliobabe might want to try a cider or two. However, I personally do not consider ciders to be beer.

Lambics do not have to be flavored with fruit, but many are. And so...drumroll please! The beer I consider to be the winner of the sweet and yummy award is...Lindemans Peche Lambic! Or if the Flemish bugs you: Lindemans Belgian Peach Ale. TAA DAA! To keep things simple, I will just refer to it as LPL.

LPL is brewed by Brouwerij Lindemans, Vlezenbeek, Belgium. Now, the bottle states that this lambic is aged in oak and then a secondary fermentation is caused by the addition of fresh peaches. That's a big thing to lambic folks; if it is a fruit lambic, the fruit has to be fresh and should be whole when added to the brew.

LPL is an ale - which means what class? Anybody? Hmm? Damn it all! Haven't you people been paying attention!? It means that the brew is top fermented at relatively warm temperatures. "Oh, yeah, now I remember!" Shut up! You're all worthless and weak! Remember I told you that many ales are dark and heavier than lagers - but not all of them? LPL is a great example of a light ale.

Okay, here we go: ABV 4.0%, IBU very low. The first thing I noticed when I took the foil off the neck of the bottle was that LPL has both a cap and a cork! Kind of slows down chugg-a-lugging, which all things considered, is a good thing. The color is great! This is a very attractive beer. A light amber with a hint of pink - kind of like a peach! The aroma is all soft peach with a hint of that cider-like crispness. LPL forms a foamy, large bubbled non-persistent head - again, like a cider.

The taste is wonderful. It reminds you very much of peach nectar, but with the wheat ale sort of in the background to keep it from getting too sweet. It is nice and crisp, never bitter, with just a slight sourness evident in the finish and a short aftertaste. In fact the wheat ale component reminded me of the taste of peach flesh that is near the pit; ya know the white part that is not really ripe? Cool how they pulled that off! The sweetness is gentle and refreshing, never cloying. This is some good shit!

Sometimes certain sweet beers or wines are recommended to be drunk with dessert. I've never been too sure about such claims, but I could definitely see myself drinking LPL with peach or apple pie! In fact LPL may be one of the few beers that would make a good topping for ice-cream!

This stuff is the real deal. I whole heartedly recommend this to Bibliobabe or anyone who may enjoy a sweet and yummy beer.

I plan on introducing LPL to BB in person. I'll post her opinion right here on The Duh Spot!

Vincent Price is the man. How can you not love Vincent Price? A classically trained actor who despite critical success on stage and screen was not even the slightest bit bothered by playing campy, hammy over-the-top silly roles as well. For Vinnie, it was all part of being an actor. He never took himself too seriously. He always seemed to be having fun. Wish all actors had that kind of attitude.

Yeah, he participated on a Michael Jackson record, but I can forgive him that. And it was his fame as a great horror actor that got him that gig in the first place.

Today's review is of one of Mr. Price's most enjoyable movies: The Abominable Dr. Phibes.

The Plot:

Dr. Anton Phibes lost his beloved wife on the operating table years ago. He died soon after in a firery car crash. Now someone seems to be killing off members of the surgical team who treated Mrs. Phibes. The police try to not only catch the fiend, but also protect the potential victims.

The Hook:

We know from the start that the mysterious killer is Dr. Phibes. Dr. Phibes (who has PhD's in music and theology) is a brilliant inventor - and a hate filled maniac! But the question is: is Phibes a revenant returned from the grave, or did he survive the crash? Either way it is obvious that he has planned out his revenge in meticulous detail.

The Goodies:

The Abominable Dr. Phibes proves that talented people can make a very entertaining film with a small budget. Filmed in England and released in 1971 by EMI-MGM via AIP, this flick is a treat!

The period is never really specified, but judging by the cars, technology and clothing, I would say the film takes place in the early 1930's. Now, there are two places that seem anachronistic to this time period. One is the home of Dr. Vesalius (Joseph Cotten), the lead surgeon on the team who worked on Mrs. Phibes and therefore Dr. Phibes most hated target. Dr. Vesalius' home almost screams 1970. Mod patterned paneling and mirrors on the walls and chrome and glass furniture jump out at you. The other odd set is the home of Dr. Phibes. Like I said, he is brilliant and a full blown bull-moose loony and his digs reflect this. He has a red plastic pipe organ on an elevator platform that lets him ride up to the main floor or down to the basement while he plays. He has a fully functional clockwork band, "Dr. Phibes Clockwork Wizards", that play in the main floor ballroom - which has a partial glass floor! He also has at least one laboratory - you knew he had to have a laboratory didn' t you! Come on! He's a evil genius in a horror movie! Of course he has a laboratory!

He also has a minion. A beautiful young woman named Vulnavia who, we learn, just happens to look very much like the late Victoria Regina Phibes. Vulnavia (Virginia North) is a loyal and silent assistant to Phibes as well as a companion. There are several scenes where they dance together to music played by the clockwork band. These are rather surreal scenes with Phibes and Vulnavia dressed in eccentric formal attire. These scenes give the impression that Phibes is recreating the memories of a happy life. One could interpret Vulnavia as another one of Phibes' creations, though a scene near the end of the film implies that she is human.

Phibes puts his knowledge of the bible to work and schemes to kill all of the surgical team using the curses rained down upon Egypt just prior to Exodus as a theme. Thoses curses are: 1. boils, 2. bats, 3. frogs, 4. blood, 5. rats, 6. hail, 7. beasts, 8. locusts, 9. death of the first born and 10. darkness. Although the film makes the point that the killings will follow this list, one of the murders is out of order.

The scenes where Phibes kills those he considers guilty of killing his wife are the heart of the movie. They are great evil genius extravagant murders that Phibes takes great pleasure in committing and witnessing. Phibes is there to observe all the deaths. When he has completed a kill, he burns the face off wax busts of the victims. As Phibes says to a picture of his wife, "Nine killed you. Nine shall die!" Hmmm. Ten curses, nine victims. Who will be the victim of the curse of darkness?

We know that Phibes must be mutilated from the car crash in some way because we see him apply false ears and a wig early in the film. Additionally, it is plain that his face is a mask. He has created an electronic device to allow himself to talk. It requires plugging a cord to an amplifier into a socket on the back of his neck. When he speaks it is halting and slightly mechanical sounding. Mostly he speaks to pictures of his dead wife; played by Caroline Munro a gorgeous model/actress who was in many b-movies from the late 60's to the mid 80's. We only see her in pictures and a crypt. There are two funny scenes in which Phibes drinks champagne and tastes a concoction he is making via his neck socket. These scenes are made much more enjoyable by the entirely serious look on Price's face!

While Phibes is getting his dirty work done, Scotland Yard is desperately trying to stop him. The investigation is headed by Inspector Trout, played by British actor Peter Jeffrey. Jeffrey's portrayal of Insp. Trout is wonderful! He presents the aspect of an intelligent man who is world and politically weary, insightful, compassionate and nervous. His sergeant gives him some information about the case and asks what he thinks. Trout sighs, "Oh I don't think anymore Tom." Others seem to always get his name wrong, referring to the wrong fish, especially the Superintendent who calls him "Pike", "Breem" and "Perch"! The super is not pleased with Trout's progress:

Superintendent: "Where are you off to now Trout?"Insp. Trout: "The lavatory Sir."Superintendent: "Highly appropriate!"

The murder scenes I liked best were the ones based on the curses of frogs and locusts. I won't give anything away, but I will say that the woman who is the victim of the locust murder took a sleeping pill prior to Phibes killing her. When you watch the film I think you will agree that the sleeping pill would not have made her sleep though her death.

Well, there is a final showdown between Phibes and Vesalius. Who wins? Which curse is out of order? What happens to Vesalius' son? What happens to Vulnavia? What happens to Phibes? Is Phibes really a Vulcan? I guess you will have to watch the movie now won't you? Bwahhahahahahaha!

The Abominable Dr. Phibes treads a fine line between full blown camp, gruesome horror and comedy. It is to the actor's and film makers' credit that it never strays too far in any one direction but remains an exciting and entertainingly fun movie from beginning to end. Check this one out. I think you will like it!

Christoffel Robertus is 6% ABV and I would estimate about 20 to 30 IBU.

The color is a lovely deep amber, almost red. Because the beer is made according to the 1516 Beer Purity Law, it is unfiltered and unpasteurized. This results in the beer being slightly cloudy. It forms a nice white head with rather large bubbles that is somewhat persistent. This is a double malt lager and the aroma lets you know it! You get a smooth odor of sweet malt and hops.

The flavor is all about the malt. There is a slight sweetness at first that slowly and smoothly turns to malty, hoppy dryness. The finish is nicely bitter, never harsh. These flavors change gently and make this a very drinkable beer.

A good lager from a relatively young European brewery. If you like American lager, but would like to try something a bit more robust, but not too radically different, give Christoffel Robertus a try. Recommended.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Well, here we are with the second review for Bibliobabe. As you may recall, we are searching for a beer that is "sweet & yummy."

At Bibliobabe's suggestion, I tried Young's Double Chocolate Stout. I liked it. But the question is, will it satisfy the ever finicky Bibliobabe?

First let me mention that there is some question as to the actual name of this brew. The label on the 1 pint 0.9 oz bottle has the word luxury in small script between the words Young's and Double. So is it really Young's Luxury Double Chocolate Stout? Maybe, but none of my references include the word luxury. Hey, the world is imperfect. What are ya going to do?

Because this is a stout, I guess I will have to give you a quick introduction to this style of ale. Okay, quick and dirty intro on stout. Stout evolved from porter. Porter is a style of ale that originated in England. Porters are dark and robust. These qualities come from the fact that the grains are roasted prior to brewing. Legend has it that the guys who worked the docks (porters) loved this new style and so it was named after them. Stout started as attempts to make an even darker and richer version of ale than porter.

That's all I will give you now. Perhaps I will write more about the style's history when I review Guinness - the stout standard.

Now, BB got all excited when she saw that this was a chocolate stout. I should mention that BB likes chocolate. I was not impressed when she originally suggested Young's Double Chocolate Stout because I know that the term "chocolate" is a taste descriptor for stouts and heavier ales that does not mean that the brew contains chocolate, but that there is a chocolate character to the taste. I was surprised to find out that Young's does indeed include chocolate and chocolate extract in this beer during brewing.

First, the numbers: 5.2% ABV and I would guess 20 to 40 IBU.

Young's DCS is a very attractive dark brown color with ruby highlights, best seen at the edge of the glass when held up to the light. It has a soft foamy light brown head that shows the characteristic small dense bubbles of most stouts. These bubbles come from the fact that stouts usually contain nitrogen as well as carbon dioxide. You can sometimes see these small bubbles traveling downward along the side of the glass.

The beer has a pleasant roasted malty aroma similar to coffee with a bit of chocolate. Kind of like one of those foo-foo coffees you can get wherever the black sweater beret and clove cigarette crowd hangs out. I also thought it smelled a little like Boston brown bread. If you don't know what Boston brown bread is I ain't going to take up space here to describe it, but I will mention that it is made with dark molasses.

Let me say right now that, as a guy who likes stout, I found Young's DCS unexpectedly good. It is very smooth, which is not uncommon for stouts. The thing that impressed me, that I was not expecting, was that the overall body was not as creamy as I though it would be. This is a complex little brew. I got tastes of mild coffee, several aspects of malt, some spice that I could not really put my finger on (anise?), toffee and yes chocolate. Well, maybe cacao would be a better term than chocolate. You see cacao straight from the tree is very bitter. It takes a ton of sugar to turn cacao into chocolate. The taste I experienced was of bitter chocolate - like Baker's chocolate. This bitterness pounces on you during the finish and lingers during a short aftertaste.

Some reviews have called this beer sweet. That is true, but that is a beer snob's version of sweet. Remember, bitter is a primary beer taste. If a beer does not start bitter or sour right off the bat and if it is very malty, a beer snob will call it sweet.

Young and Co. Brewery is located in Wandsworth, London, England. The fact that this "sweet" beer is actually quite bitter is not surprising - after all, the Brits have a style of beer named "bitter."

To sum up: I like this stout. It was much more flavorful and complex than I expected. It's richness does not make me want to drink too much of it, but it would be nice for the holidays. As for Bibliobabe - well since she told me about a wine that when drunk with chocolate chips tastes like chocolate covered cherries - something tells me she would find this beer none too sweet.