Description

ENFP (Ne-Fi-Te-Si) is a personality type within Jungian Cognitive Function theory, which categorizes people according to their intrinsic differences in cognitive attitudes. ENFPs are often positively nicknamed the "inspirers".

I have this issue where a friend(m/15) of mine, whom has feelings for another friend of mine (17/f/ISxx), and her vise versa. The problem is he just cant bring himself to ask her out, because of stupid things, 1) an age law thats not* enforced, 2) His parents? 3) hes afraid of getting hurt.

Mostly he cannot get over his insecurities, and he's very peccimistic and he states his life is soo bad so he can gather sympathy. I need some way to get him out of the peccimistic state, where he can stop being afraid of getting hurt and all. Could you help me just get him to think with a little more logic? or just where he can stop making his life worse, you know? He gets angry at me when i try to explain the logic i think that he should kinda follow. But he doesnt really follow logic, or maybe, he does, just kinda a logic that bends around his feelings. idk.

also, sorry if this is a bad post, or i posted this in the wrong place, and if i did, tell me. I feel like you guys would atleast understand him enough to help.

And there is your first mistake. ENFP's are really good at working through their emotions, and finding solutions. We just tend to think out loud.

Try active listening. Instead of trying to solve the problem, just listen and then confirm with him that you've understood. It sounds dumb, I know - but it's the best approach.

Your friend doesn't want or expect you to magically fix things, he just wants you to understand him. So if he says, 'I'm afraid of how my parents would react' you could reply with, 'You seem really worried about their opinion"

Seriously, just reword what he said. Make him feel understood and safe, he'll resolve this on your own. OR he'll ask for your help, when he's done processing the situation for himself.

Quite honestly, if you throw a completely logical response towards an ENFP's emotions without making them feel understood first, then it's harder to get through. More often than not, when we get emotional, we're not exactly looking for an immediate rational response to how we're feeling. Sometimes it can even seem like our emotions are being dismissed just because we can't see the most logical route right away. It will most likely be a bad time if your ENFP feels like their emotions are not being understood or ignored.
That's why patience and understanding are the most important parts about dealing with an ENFP's problems. If you genuinely care and you listen well and if we feel secure enough, then the discussion of logic comes into play.

Sometimes we just have to be walked through it. Even if it seems to you that things can be easily solved just by simply thinking about it, our first reaction is to vent our emotions about it.

You're a good friend for caring. I hope he solves his problems, good luck!

There have been times in the past where I have held myself back. Then, in retrospect, I realize that all of my "reasons" were just excuses and I was projecting hidden insecurities onto them.

He may just need a good listener and some time to sort things out. He may just have to realize a lot of things on his own. It can be frustrating to watch, but sometimes being a good friend means knowing when to sit on your hands and stay in the sidelines.