Personally I don't encourage that sort of behaviour on board my ship...<shouts from outside Bart's cabin: "Cap'n, Cap'n good news Cap'n we've just taken delivery from the Kleenex Supply Ship the SS Ocean Tosser..." > Yes, er yes, very good Bosun ...I'm expecting a lot of colds and flu on this voyage, er...

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

yarr if it is a charity mebbe it can fund a care home for old Pirates, yer know we are not gitting any younger and when our legs get wood rot an fall off an yer hook git rusty we will need someone to look after us.

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Arrrr.... I coulda done wi' that issue a while back. There I were, cast adrift in an open boat thousands o' miles from anywhere. There were a length o' stout rope in the boat, so I had a go at shark fishin' wi' me cabin boy as bait.

Ye think a Christmas turkey lasts a long time? Try workin' yer way through a 20' Great White.