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Thursday, January 1, 2009

Thursday, January 1, 2009

If there's one thing I've learned from this blog, it's that there's a cake for everything. Vasectomies, divorces, fecal triumphs - bakeries come through where even Hallmark is left speechless. So for those of you reading this through squinted, blood-shot eyes, nursing a killer migraine, and wondering if God was actually paying attention to your 4AM porcelain-throne confessional this morning: cheer up; there's a cake for that.

Binky here is part of the new "scare 'em sober" line of cake kits. Nothing says "drink in moderation" quite like a deceased flattened clown with charred lumps for feet, right? "And that's why it's important to remember "stop, drop and roll" when doing flaming shots, boys and girls!"

Look familiar? I hope not; anyone who keeps a big mass of string cheese in their bathroom has serious hygiene issues. I'm glad the guy is labeled a "Party Animal", though: otherwise you might think this was celebrating the flu or food poisoning.

(Bonus Side Tangent Competition: Who can be the first to find me an actual cake celebrating the flu or food poisoning? C'mon; you know they're out there!)

And then there's Charlie, who shows us once and for all that you're never too old to party:

Charlie apparently likes to rock the Casbah with a couple of redskin potatoes shoved down the back of his pants. He also has a gargantuan toilet with a joystick on the seat, which he doesn't like to talk about.

[whispers] Shhh. He's sleeping. That pink shag rug and the smell of 2000 Flushes gets him every time. Aren't they just the cutest when they're dreaming?

What on Earth is the stuff on the floor of Daz's cake? I believe the white crumpled-up thing is a towel, but I'm loathe to consider Anonymous's suggestion that those are [gulp] maxi pads. And what about the brown thing with the yellow stringy stuff? Any ideas?

Meghan, I'm pretty sure the brown thing with the yellow stringy stuff is a slightly melted candy bar with cheez-whiz topping. I don't even have a guess about the maxi-pads, although the red circle with the "S" on top appears to be an attempt at some sort of corporate logo.

My guess on the Party Animal cake was that the white things with "S"s' on them were cans...beer cans of some sort...maybe a local brand of beer to the party goer? Also, I thought the weird cheesy looking thing was pizza in a cardboard box??? Symbolizing drunk munchies, perhaps and its ensuing visit to the porcelain throne?

Maybe the designer of the last cake wasn't going for the joystick look, but more of the "Flotation Tube" look. You know with the nozzle that you air it up with sticking up. Kind of symbolizing that he is hanging on for dear life.

Verification word: acksh. Which is the sound that I make when I see some of these cakes.

The clown is just plain scary. Are those olives for his feet? I think this comes under the "Scared Straight" for drinking. After a cake like that, who would want to? Does everyone have scary clown issues?

Oh, yick. If Charlie really looks like that guy- blue hair, bony butt hanging out of his JEANS, drinking himself into oblivion at the "dignified" age of 83- he deserves to be sick. He deserves the toilet the size of a VW. AND, he deserves the pink shag rug.I don't think I like Charlie.

This blog brings more joy then a new pair of shoes!! I came across it by accident and now every day I get to share new posts with the ladies at the office and we all get a giggle over our morning coffee:).

No! No! We trust you, but I disbelieve. That cannot be a professional cake. Not made by a professional cake decorator. Maybe by a professional streetwalker who accepted payment in hallucinogenic drugs, and had a broken arm.

But maybe I can accept that the client -- do we call people who commission cakes like this "johns"? -- actually requested these details. Then yes, we must all applaud the professionalism of this baker, who fulfilled the client's wishes despite his or her personal standards of decency and taste.

i think that the last one is for an old guy who's been a plumber for a long time! that's his "plumber's crack" and the plunger makes more sense that way. it's just really poorly done, and they couldn't figure out a way to make his head do anything other than lay on the toilet in that creepy way. some of the other explanations are more fun though. love the site!

oh my goodnessi've been a wreck follower for .... well it seems like forever (that lifelike bride cake sticks in my mind) .... but this is the first time i've commented - because these have made me laugh until i have tears running down my face ... seriously .... the gigantic toilet bowl with potatos down your pants .... OMG *snicker* i wonder if my 'Daz' would like a cake like that one for his 40th this year ???

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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