UK electorate faces ash chaos as Gordon Brown threatens to erupt

He's gonna blow

The United Kingdom may need to be closed down for six or seven days after Prime Minister Gordon Brown showed signs of erupting into a huge cloud of volcanic ash, warned experts.

Dr Phil Weston, electoral scientist at Suffolk University, said: ‘We’ve been charting the activity of this violent 59-year-old formation for the past thirteen years, and in the last few months – especially since the beginning of April – we’ve experienced some seismic shifts which could see the whole edifice destroy itself in a gigantic explosion of magma, ballot papers and tears.’

Dr Weston advised the British public to ‘stay indoors, particularly on 6 May’ in order to reduce the chances of Gordon Brown’s final eruption, although he admitted that it might be better to see it explode in fury now rather than watch it rumbling on dangerously for a further five years.