Saturday, December 13, 2008

Yeah, I know it's been awhile. While perusing my analytics, it occurred to me that I get an awful lot of visits from people searching for answers to Gap related questions. E.g.; "What are Gap rewards?," "How do Gap rewards work?" and "Can I use Discover Card at the Gap?" I had 204 visits from the search term "gap rewards" alone in the last couple of months.

I think the Gap should hire me to write a blog for them. God knows I shop there often enough that a good portion of what they paid me would end up back in their bank account.

Next in popularity was the term "Hollie Nell blog" with 58 visits. This is no doubt my fab friend Hollie's psycho stalker. I used to have a stalker, but thankfully she's gotten a life.

"Mark Cuban shirtless" comes in with 30 visits. That can't ALL be Elisabeth waving "Hi!," so some of you people need to get a life like Hollie's stalker.

There was a lot of interest in the actor who played Warren Schilling on Desperate Housewives (Peter Onorati) and the one who played Orson's friend, Peter Hickey (Bruce Thomas). I'll post a picture of Bruce, because he's cuter than Peter (sorry Peter--playing a wife beater just isn't attractive...)

Someone wondered about a movie starring a little boy with an asthma attack. Signs comes to mind--as the asthma of the character portrayed by Rory Culkin became an integral part of the plot. There's also Sean Astin in The Goonies. And I think the drippy little boy who played Geena Davis' son in The Accidental Tourist had asthma, but I could be wrong...

There was a search for "Italian actress with butterfly tattoo above crotch." I'm guessing they were looking for Asia Argento. But it's not a butterfly, but an angel or the madonna or something humanoid with wings...

"Does growing a goatee affect getting a job?"

Probably not, but it will in all likelihood decrease your chances of getting laid...

"Does Ty Treadway sleep in the nude?"

Wouldn't you like to know!

"Does celery cause cancer?"

I don't think so...

"Christmas song with guy and girl in a grocery store?"

Two songs come to mind: Same Auld Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg or Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.

Then there's the lost soul searching for "Thelma from Scooby Doo always says "jin." First off, the character's name is "Velma," not "Thelma." Velma Dace Dinkley to be exact--which I know because Velma (believe it or not) has her own page on Wikipedia.

Secondly, she's not using the name of the recently departed LOST character in vain, but instead the exclaimation is "Jinkies!"

Don't ask me what that means--I have no idea.

And then comes the really random @#$%--from the disturbing to the banal:

average appendixaverage breast size by nationaverage christmas in the united statesaverage day screenwriteraverage donation to breast cancer foundationaverage foreheadaverage heroesaverage hoa fees santa claritaaverage level free riceaverage men fashionaverage mens fashion tipsaverage pay for actors dirty sexy moneyaverage poemsaverage price of dvd promotionaverage rainy days londonaverage rent paid by pr firmsaverage role modelsaverage salary of pacemaker repaverage sale price of a screenplayaverage shelf life of a professional danceraverage songs heard a dayaverage stop lossaverage tattoo timeaverage thoughtsaverage time for dentist appointment average time to read 100 pagesaverage top modelsaverage vocabulary level on free rice average writingaveraging poemabove averageabove average abilityabove average fashionsabove average four year oldabove average returnabove average words

...for which I can offer no assistance. 'Cuz we don't do "average" or "above average" here.

1 comment:

So hysterical. Fortunately my stalker has been MIA for awhile. I think the fact that you helped me with the blog tracker has helped but it's kinda cool to know people can find me...or maybe it's scary. I'm not quite sure.