Confidence is… Complicated.

There’s a quote I see all the time that says “The best accessory a girl can own is confidence”

*eye roll*

Confidence is not something I’ve ever owned… at best I rent it like high-end jewels for the Oscars.

I’ve had people mention my confidence as something they admire about me. Every time I hear that I feel like I’m making it look too easy. Maybe because I live with that little voice in my head that nags me about my back fat, my inner thighs rubbing together, my round stomach… the list goes on and on.

Maybe the difference is that although I beat myself up over things I make the best of what I have and I try really hard not let my insecurities hold me back. I’ve learned what looks good on me (and what doesn’t), I’ve learned what my current limits are but I’m not afraid to try and press past them. I’ve learned from experience that every time I tell that little voice in my head to “kick rocks” so that I can take a chance, I’m pleasantly surprised at the results. But that doesn’t mean its any easier the next time… when it comes to confidence, I feel like I’m starting from scratch each morning.

I’ve had people ask me how they can become confident… the short answer is, its complicated.

We talk about confidence like it’s this black and white thing that you do or don’t have, but it’s so much more than that in my opinion. For me, confidence is a journey not a destination. Confidence isn’t something that you acquire and never lose its something that you have to work to keep. And it’s not easy.

I agree wholeheartedly! Confidence is definitely a journey and some days it escapes me, but I try harder the next day to get some back! I know when I take that chance and use that confidence growing inside of me, I am pleasantly surprised by the results every time. While there are things I am confident about like my work or my cooking skills, there are things I am not as confident about like how I look or how I am perceived by others. It is a daily journey! I am so glad you shared this today, I don’t feel as alone in this battle anymore.

mpls.mixedchick

I have my days where I feel confident and my days where I’m constantly thinking about how I look in what I have on. Its a constant battle for me. I guess for me its insecurity. For the most part I am very secure but sometimes I see things that can always be beret or improved and that’s when the confidence goes out the window.

http://twitter.com/DreamzInPink Heather Rinn

Confidence is attractive whether it’s real or faked. So I just fake it till I make it. Some days are easier than others.

http://twitter.com/TiaPANJ Tiara

I have my good days and bad days with confidence. I want to get to a place where I more confident than not, but not sure how to get there. It’s a daily struggle.

http://www.facebook.com/Ms.LaShanta LaShanta Batiste Holloway

The thing about confidence is that we ARE starting new each morning. You are right…that’s the journey in it. We don’t acquire it never to lose it, we just hold on to it until the next day and start over again. Not such a bad thing….

http://twitter.com/BelatedBloomer Belated Bloomer

“For me, confidence is a journey not a destination. Confidence isn’t something that you acquire and never lose its something that you have to work to keep.”

Very well said, Cece. Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I see a pretty face and a curvy body that could be attractive. A few minutes later, after my own insecurities tease and taunt me, I could be changing perspective–seeing a fat girl who does not deserve to go out in that hot dress or wear shorts for the matter.

It is always a battle.

Some don’t understand about this up and down struggle with confidence. Others will say, “How can you feel that way when you have a pretty face?” I can only answer, “Years of feeling unattractive, being told I have to lose weight because my beauty would go to waste, getting teased by classmates, receiving comments like ‘Oh you’re big.’ or ‘You need to stop hanging out in the kitchen.’ from strangers stays with you…even when I’ve broken through from such a negative self-image.

So I work on it. And I blog about it, so I can hold myself accountable and not listen when my inner demons tell me I’m not worth it.

You’ve hit the nail right on the head with this one CeCe. I know that I definitely have days where I feel fabulous and other days when I pray that I don’t run into anyone I know! For me it’s all about feeling put together. When I take the time to plan my outfits, accessorize, and put in some effort with my hair and makeup, I notice a definite boost on the confidence meter!

I’m a teen girl struggling with confidence. People I know say that I am but inside like you said I’m constantly nagging myself about my body. I pretend to be confident around boys and with what I’m wearing but secretly I’m not. I mean with some things its easier to be confident about and some days I feel watch out I’m a big girl and I’m ready to roll. What I’m trying to say is thank you for creating this wonderful blog talking about how to become aware of your body! So thank you!

Karen Walcott

Hi CeCe,

I’m just starting on my confidence journey. I have been on a diet since I was 8 years old. My mother has always harped on my weight. When I was 11 and 123 lbs, I was dragged to Weight Watchers because my mom thought that I was too fat. My mother had convinced me that if I was fat that I wasn’t shit and that none of my other accomplishments mattered. I have three Master’s degrees. I used to be an educator. I’m a writer. But I’ve suffered from low self worth because I have always been bigger than other people. I just decided in the last month or so that I was done hating my body and hating myself because I am fat. Your blog is helping me in that journey.