Lube guilt?

The first thing I wanted to discuss is that it’s not unusual to use lube. For me, using lube is just a part of life, it’s just the way it is, I don’t think anything of it. It’s just lube people! It’s a different story for others though, many women feel a bit of shame about not producing enough juice when they need to but this is absolutely ridiculous, you shouldn’t feel any guilt or shame over it. It just is what it is, sometimes you won’t produce enough of your own lubrication and you need a helping hand. There’s no shame and no stigma to it.

My health kick

As time passes I’m trying to eliminate more of the harmful chemicals that I use in my life. Everything from washing detergent to hand sanitizer to dish washing liquid to just about everything I eat or drink I’ve tried to eliminate harmful chemicals. Then I thought to myself, I use lube, I literally insert this stuff into my vagina, my most intimate area and I have no idea what’s in it so I checked.

What’s in standard lube?

When most people think of lube they think of your standard lube from the standard big companies that sell at the drug store. The lube you’re thinking of is generally water based, so far so good right? The issue is it can have a bunch of crap in them like Glycerin, Hydroxyethycellulose, Chlorhexidine, Gluconate, Gluconolactone, Methylparaben, Sodium Hydroxide and preservatives.

All that stuff is clearly not natural. If that crap isn’t the type of stuff you want in such a delicate area, you should look for an alternative. I was looking for an alternative and I knew of Jerome (I didn’t know him personally but I knew of him from his blog) from http://www.ltasex.com/ and I knew he had created a lube which was different to the mainstream and I decided to give it a go. The lube that his company manufactures is called the Butters Lube.

What’s not in it:

Other important info

It’s 100% vegan, edible and wheat/gluten free. The last thing you want with a gluten allergy is to go down on someone that’s got lube on and then end up with an upset stomach! It would be awkward.

The test

The first thing that struck me about the product is just how different it is. It has such a different texture and color. When you’re used to using a certain type of product, when you use something completely different you might be a little apprehensive at first, I was. I was a bit worried that I’d be turned off by the smell or the taste because of the oil but I wasn’t at all. The smell and taste are very faint so I had nothing to worry about.

The Butters lube just felt luxurious to touch, unlike other lubes which are completely boring. Now that I’ve used the Butters, other lubes remind me of hand sanitizer in color and texture so I’ll never be going back to your standard drug store lube. Seriously, it is not sexy pulling out something that reminds me of hand sanitizer just before I’m about to get down to business. Even the packaging of drug store lube is so boring and has zero style.

How it worked for me

I was shocked at the performance, it kept me wetter for longer and because I was using a product that’s a luxury product, my sessions just feel classier now. It works much better than regular lube which tend to dry me out after a while. Have I been living under a rock all these years? How the hell could I not know that oil based lubes actually work better?

Another benefit is my partner likes to rub my chest and lube it up and it’s a good feeling. I wouldn’t do that with normal lube because I’d feel kind of gross.

For men.

I used it on my partner, a man and usually when giving him an erotic massage I’ll spend a lot of time teasing him when I’m jerking him off and the sessions can last a long time. I used to use normal lube and have to reapply a few times which sort of breaks the momentum and the moment. I thought that it was just a part of it because I didn’t know any better. Both he and I much prefer using the Butters lube to help rub one out for him.

Wrapping up

As a bonus it helps with yeast infections because all the fatty acids from the oils are really healthy for you.

Because it’s oil based, it’s not recommended for use with condoms.

The price is ridiculously good. One of the reasons people don’t try healthier, more environmentally/animal conscious products is the price is much higher than what you’re used to paying for a product. At the price point of the Butters you’ve got very little to lose because the price is really good.

So to sum up, it works better, it’s safer on your body, the price is great and it’s much more pleasant to use than regular lube.

I’ve tried dozens of different vibrators and dildos of all kinds, have ventured into kink and some BDSM but I’ve had a bit of a sacred spot which I or no one else has never ventured into even though many have tried. I’ve never ventured into the unknown of anal play. It’s something my partner was interested in so I thought to myself what hell, I don’t have much to lose. There’s nothing better than exploring your sexuality so some anal play was just another step in that direction, the unknown and I was excited.

Anal Play – take 1

Even though I knew that I should start off with something smaller than a penis, I also knew it was something special so my first anal experience went to my partner, I let him be the first which of course he absolutely loved. Men love nothing more than planting their flag somewhere like they’re the first man on the moon or getting to the top of a high mountain. I was a bit apprehensive of what the sensation would be, would it hurt? Would it feel like I was on the toilet endlessly? I was also a bit scared of what it would smell like.

We were well prepared, we had lube, I was ready, he was ready, it was go time but then he only got a little part of his dick in and that was it, I was done. It’s fair to say, it was a massive fail and I should have started off with something smaller but hey, we all make mistakes. At least he was still the first and it still counts! It was just way too uncomfortable but I decided that I still wanted to explore anal play but needed something a lot smaller than a dick so I decided I’d delve into the wonderful world of butt plugs.

Butt plug selection

Most butt plugs look cheap and nasty so I ruled them out quickly. I wanted something classy, stylish, non-threatening, body safe and for beginners. I searched around and asked for recommendations and finally decided I’d try the b-Vibe Novice Plug.

b-Vibe Novice Plug

I’d heard of the company b-Vibe and I knew that the founder Alicia Sinclair had a great reputation within the industry so I trusted them with my anus, my precious, precious anus.

One of the things that drew me to the b-Vibe Novice Plug was that it also vibrates. I thought, if I’ve just got a plug up my butt, it might be a bit boring. Then I thought, if I’ve got a butt plug up my butt that vibrates, that would be more fun.

Another thing that drew me to the Novice Plug is it also comes with a remote control that either I or my partner could control and that was massive for me because I wanted my partner to be involved in the whole anal experience and be a part of my new adventure.

b-Vibe Novice Plug specs

I know many readers like to see an unboxing of a product so here you go

The insertable length is 3.35” and the insertable diameter is 1inch at the widest part. It has a wide base so there’s no chance of it disappearing into a brown hole. It tapers from the tip to the widest part so it makes it easily insertable. It’s made out of Seamless Silicone and is completely body safe which is an absolute must. It’s soft and nice to touch. It’s got all the bells and whistles you’d expect for a high end product, USB Rechargeable, toy connects to the charger via a magnet that actually works and holds tight unlike other toys, battery life is good, splashproof, travel-friendly, comes in a nice case and comes with a 1-Year Warranty.

Anal play – Take 2

So butt play was back on. We got the Novice Plug out, lubed up, had some foreplay and I let my partner be in complete control and he was so gentle and slow that I had nothing to fear. It entered fairly easily surprisingly, probably because I wasn’t all that nervous. It’s small enough that it’s not intimidating at all which put me at ease and my partner knew that he had to take it super slow. We didn’t go past half way with the vibrations strength, it was enough for me to enjoy having a different and fun experience. It had a great novelty factor for me because it was my first time with a butt plug. As I get more used to it we’ll be able to crank up the vibrations to a stronger level.

Wrapping up

We’ve used it several times since my first experience and anal play is really growing on me, it turns out that anal play is right up my alley (pun intended lol). We haven’t used it in public yet but I look forward to it when we do. All in all the Novice Plug was perfect for a butt plug and anal play novice like myself.

Dildos are the big do it to yourself in your own way type of sex toy. Unlike vibrators, a dildo will not move by itself. The truth is that it will not do anything that you do not make it do. Which, you can’t really say that a dildo is limited by human form. The fact is that one of the best things about dildos is that they actually come in a variety of sizes and shapes that no human on earth does. With all of these types of options, you would believe that a dildo would come with an instruction manual, but they do not.

Luckily, this is what this is for.

Before you use a dildo

1. Start with picking the right dildo for you.

Just because a dildo does what you make it do and it does not have any other type of motion on its own, picking the right dildo will be a key point to using it. If you get a dildo that is too big and no matter just how committed or excited that you are, it will not work. If you happen to pick a shape or color that just turns you off, you may find it hard to actually use the dildo. If you are unsure about what type of size you want, then think about the things that you have used before such as penises, fingers, washed vegetables, hair brushes, etc. If you are using a dildo because you have not had penetrated sex, then it is best that you begin with your fingers, if it is possible or a very small toy if you cannot.

2. Lube is required

You will always need to use lubricants with any type of sex toy when it comes to penetration. A great choice is using a water based lubricant which works for many. If you happen to be using a dildo that is made from silicone, then be sure that you do not use a silicone based lubricant. You will want to put lubricant inside and outside of your body as well as on the toy. Many toy lubricants are a bit thicker, so it won’t slide right off your toy. You may need to apply more lubricant at some point during your play time.

3. Use a condom on your toy

If you use condoms on your toys, you will reduce your chances of having an allergic reaction to your dildo material as well as it makes cleaning up so much easier. Condoms are also best if you are using your toy for vaginal and anal use or if you believe that you may share your dildo.

4. Picking Anal or Vaginal Dildos

You can use all dildos for vaginal use, but there are only some dildos that will be safe for anal use. Those that are meant for anal use will be seamless and smooth and will also have a flared base that will prevent them from slipping into the rectum. You should not use the same dildo in your anus as you do your vagina unless you are using condoms.

5. Inspect the Dildo

Before you ever use your dildo, you will need to take it out of the package and wash it quite well using a toy wash and then check it over carefully. You will need to look for sharp edges or tears. If your dildo is supposed to be waterproof, then look for any pieces missing or holes within the body of your dildo. If you notice anything wrong with it, then return your dildo before you use it.

Actually using a dildo

1. Beginning to use a dildo on your own

Even if you plan to use a dildo with your partner, then it is always best to try out the dildo on yourself on your own first. You will be less self conscious and you will be able to concentrate on how it feels without being distracted by your partner. You want to be sure that you have time and enough privacy before you decide to get down to business.

2. Turning yourself on

Before you try your dildo, you are going to need to turn yourself on like you would do without a dildo. If you are feeling distracted or awkward, it may make penetration much more difficult, so you will need to be relaxed and turned on so that your first time with a dildo will be much smoother.

3. Start out slow

Before you put the dildo inside of you, test out its feel on the outside of your body. You can use it to massage and stimulate your external parts such as nipples, anus, vulva and labia. You should think of it like teasing yourself and building yourself up to being penetrated. Once you start to use the dildo, you want to be sure that you are starting out slow. Take notice to how it feels and how different it is than using your hand or someone else for penetration.

4. Playing with Speed and Rhythm

Once you have gotten comfortable using your dildo, you can begin to experiment with various speeds and rhythms. The great thing about a dildo is that it will do what you want it to so it won’t get a leg cramp or get tired and you can start and stop when you want. You should be able to notice the difference between steady and slow movement and erratic and fast movement. Learn what you like and see what works best for you. Take mental notes and then share it with your partners in the future.

5. Adding Clitoral Stimulation

If your clitoris is within hands reach, then you may find that adding a bit of stimulation there while you are using a dildo will really change the whole feeling for you. Many women enjoy this and although it requires a bit of coordination, the effort is worth it in the end. You can also use a bullet vibe for clitoral stimulation when using a dildo.

When it comes to Kegel balls, there isn’t a lot of information out there that really tells you what to do and most of the time, you feel super awkward searching for various terms and phrases that could help you learn what you need to do. That is what this guide is for. It is the ultimate how to and guide to using, purchasing, and caring for your Kegel balls.

Disclaimer: Kegel balls are meant to be inserted vaginally and is not meant to be inserted anally.

Benefits of doing kegels

What is a Kegel exercise?

Kegel exercises are exercises that help to strengthen the pelvic floor muscle – PC muscle. These muscles are involved with your orgasms, but they also help to support your rectum, small intestine, bladder and uterus.

Pelvic floor

There are a lot of factors that may affect the strength of your PC muscles such as giving birth, surgeries, gastrointestinal issues that cause straining as well as respiratory issues that cause chronic coughing. If you have found that you often pee a little when you sneeze, cough, or laugh, then it is best that you do Kegel exercises or you could just do them to help strengthen your orgasm or just to really enjoy the sensation of the balls rocking inside of you.

How to do a Kegel exercise

There are a lot of ways that you could do the exercise without having Kegel balls. Many just start out with basic squeezing exercises. You will need to be in a comfortable position, whether it is standing, lying down or sitting. You need to squeeze your PC muscles for 2 to 5 seconds and then release for 10 seconds. Repeat this 3 times a day and do the exercise 10 times each time. If it is too easy, try holding for 10 seconds. The exercise should be focusing on your PC muscles which means that you shouldn’t be flexing your butt, thighs, or abdomen. Many people just don’t like doing kegel exercises and find using kegel balls much more effective. It’s also estimated that 30% of women don’t do kegel exercises properly so they’re wasting their time.

How Kegel Balls work

Kegel balls really help to add a bit more intensity to your Kegel exercises. They come in all shapes, sizes, materials and even weights so that you can really customize your experience to what really works for your body.

You can work your PC muscles using the inserted Kegel balls, and there are a lot of people out there that will wear them for adventure or for pleasure. There are some that really find the sensation to be really pleasurable and some of them find that it is a really great pre-warming session for sex, while some tend to find it to be a little secret that is quite fun when they are out and about town.

There are some Kegel balls that are very solid and are used to intensify the exercises. These are often called Ben Wa Balls, and they can come with or without a removal string.

Ben Wa Balls

You do the Kegel exercises with them in. Then there are some Kegel balls that will do the work for you and this is called a Duotone system. When the smaller, weighted ball begins to roll towards the vaginal wall, your PC muscles will contract. You can wear these for hours at a time, just make sure that you are moving around or the balls will not move. It is a lazy method, but it works. A popular Duotone system is the Lelo Luna Beads.

Lelo Luna beads

How you use your Kegel balls is up to you. But, there are some things that you should know if it is your first go round with Kegel Balls.

Kegel Balls guide

Materials

These are going inside of your vagina, so you need to make sure that it is a safe material. The best are made from 100% silicone, ABS Plastic, Jade, Glass, or Metal. Be sure that there is a removal string.

Cleaning

Depending on the material you get, you can use a sex toy cleaner even though they are not really considered a sex toy. They should be cleaned in the same way using a cleaner and warm water and air dried.

Lubricants

Often times, you may need to use lubricant to insert the Kegel balls. Be sure that you don’t use a silicone lube with silicone Kegel balls. Water based lubes are often best, but just pick a lubrication that feels and is safe for your body.

Size

Smaller balls may weigh less, but it is much easier to start with larger Kegel balls. Remember that your muscles are going to grip the ball to keep it from falling out and it is easier to stop something that is larger than smaller. But, if you happen to have a small internal size, large Kegel balls may actually hurt to put them in. If this is the case, then don’t worry as there are mini Kegel balls that are a bit smaller.

Weight

There isn’t a recommended starter weight for Kegel balls, but there are a lot of varieties of Kegel balls, that you should be able to have a reference point. Remember if the retailer or manufacturer doesn’t state the weight of the Kegel balls, then do not buy them. Not checking the weight could cause you to waste a lot of money so be sure that you check the weight before you try to put them in. You do not want to hurt yourself, and just like any physical activity, you will need to start with a low weight and work your way to a heavier weight. You don’t go to the gym for the first time and try to lift 300 pounds, so keep the same things in mind when working with your PC muscles.

Best Kegel Balls in 2018

#1 Minna Life kGoal

This is my clear favorite.

Issues with traditional kegel balls

The way you use traditional kegel balls is you insert them in to your vagina and then hold on. It’s boring, there’s not really much variety and it’s hard to keep track of your exercise routine and you might have to purchase a few different products to get the right size for you. Even if you do get the right size, use the product correctly and strengthen your pelvic floor, then you’ll need to purchase a smaller, heavier kegel ball set.

How the kGoal differs

The kGoal is basically a small air pillow that is adjustable to fit your body. You insert it into your vagina and the kGoal will measure every clench. It not only measures how hard your squeezing, it also tells you if you’re doing the move correctly so you’re not wasting your time and energy.

Because it keeps track of your exercises via an app on your phone, it makes it much easier to know how much you’re strengthening your pelvic floor and because it’s more pleasurable than using traditional kegel balls, you’re more likely to actually do the exercises.

Other features I like:

It’s 100% phthalate-free and body-safe

Eco-friendly because it’s got a USB-rechargeable battery

Battery life is at least 2 hours.

Charges in about 1.5 hours

Easy to clean

1 year warranty

Obviously when you’re buying a high tech device like the kGoal as compared to some plastic balls, you’ll have to pay more for the Minna Life kGoal but if you actually want to strengthen your pelvic floor, actually do the exercises and do your exercises properly it’s worth the extra money.

So that’s what you get with the Minna Life kGoal. What you get with other products is literally plastic/metal balls you insert into your vagina. It’s like comparing chalk and cheese.

#2 Luna Beads Mini

For those who are needing a smaller internal size and lighter balls to start with the Luna Beads Mini is a good option. The Luna brand are among the most popular and highest rated kegel ball products on the market today.

This is a set that uses a harness style design, this means you can use one, or both to customize your exercises and increase or decrease weight.

The mini version measures 29mm in diameter and weights 28g to 78g depending on how they are used.

#3 Luna Beads

The Luna Beads are the original size and weight of the above product. They are more popular for those needing a little bigger size, ranging from medium to large. These are also considered starters, and come in a harness style design for customizing your exercise.

Measures 35mm in diameter and weights 28g to 78g.

#4 Smart balls by the Fun Factory

The smart balls are similar to the above two options, but considered more as a progressive stage kegel ball due to being heavier and a single weight option. They are available in multiple colors, and have a body safe retrieval cord.

Best for those looking for medium to large internal size, measuring 36mm in diameter and weighs 42g.

Conclusion

Overall, Kegel Balls are meant to help you to strengthen your pelvic floor and just like with anything dealing with your health, if you are planning to become pregnant or are pregnant, then check with your doctor if using Kegel balls would be okay to use. Now that you know all about kegel balls, the next step is to learn how to use Ben Wa Balls.

Are you interested in Ben Wa Balls, but not exactly sure where to start out? These little devils have a long history of various uses, but being a rather simple concept. No matter, we will discuss how to use them here, and for those new to the Ben Wa Ball a brief introduction.

The Ben Wa Ball

Originally considered to be created by Japanese women prior to expanding to China, Vietnam, India, and Europe. It was not until the concept had already spread among the region, that they really became known on a global scale. Traditionally these were designed as hollow brass balls that contained a small heavy ball inside, made from metal or mercury.

Of course, today they are created using various materials that are safe. Essentially, there is an empty ball and a ‘loaded’ ball, the empty one goes in first followed by the loaded ball. The concept is, the loaded ball rolls or moves with every slight movement of your lower body to produce a slight vibration.

Let’s get to the details on how to use the Ben Wa Balls, shall we?

How to insert Ben Wa Balls

When it comes to Ben Wa Balls, you may hear them referred to as being ‘worn’ or ‘inserted’. Either way the concept is a fairly simple process, but it can vary slightly based on the type of set you have. Some may require a slight variation to inserting, but the overall concept remains the same, getting them in position without harming yourself.

Lubing Up – The first thing you want to do, like with other sex toys, is to lube them up. This will help them glide on in much easier. Not only is easier, it will be more pleasurable too.

Laying Down – If you are new to Ben Wa Balls, you may prefer laying down at first to insert your ball(s). The reason for this, when laying down your vagina is more relaxed, making it an easier experience than if you were standing.

Use Those Muscles – Are you wondering out they stay in? Simply by the use of your muscles. You will tense your leg muscles and other muscles to keep them in position. You can do Kegel exercises, or use a product like the Lelo Luna Beads to make Kegel exercise more fun.

Get Moving – After inserting, you can freely sit, stand or move around. Keep in mind, the amount of movement will depend on your ability and experience with using Ben Wa Balls or Kegel balls. The more you practice, the easier they will be to hold in while moving.

Helpful Tips

Below is a list of some common scenarios and tips that you may find helpful when shopping for the right type of Ben Wa Ball for you.

For beginners, a glass or metal ball type could be more challenging to hold and keep in. For this reason, starting with a silicone or plastic style Ben Wa Ball is suggested, especially if you have not recently practiced Kegel exercising.
When looking at reviews or join adult communities, it is common to hear about women wearing their Kegel and Ben Wa balls around the house, as well as in public. There are many that probably do wear them in public or on daily errands. If you are thinking this sounds kinky and you want to try it out, it is highly recommended to wear them around your home until you can comfortably hold them in with heavy activity and/or over a long period. If you try to wear them in public too soon, they may pop out and be very hard to adjust in public without being noticed.

Although lube helps them slide in easier, remember that your muscles are the only thing keeping them in. The more lube you use (or naturally create) the easier they will slide out too. You should find the balance best for you to learn the right amount of lube to use.

When you are done, the Ben Wa Balls should be washed after every use. To wash them, simply use warm water and soap. Toy cleaner works as well. If you have silicone balls, ensure cleaner is silicone safe.Some types will be attached to a string, while others may have an outer silicone layer. Ensure to remove the parts and wash the best you can to avoid future contamination. Glass and metal balls (unattached) are the easiest for cleaning.

Are they stuck? First, do not panic as this only tenses you up and makes it harder to get them out. Just remember how you got them in so easy – lube! If you are having trouble with removing your Ben Wa Balls, it is probably due to a lack of lube. By applying more lube, and relaxing you should be able to remove them.

If they are not attached to a string, simply push or squat after adding the lube and they should pop right out.

Setting Up Expectations

Thanks to the oh so popular Mr. Grey (Fifty Shades of Grey), Ben Wa Balls have become even more known in the bedroom, around the house and of course in public. However, the first step to enjoying them is to have the proper expectations.

The most common complaint regarding Ben Wa Balls, is because of expectations. We highly recommend reading reviews and doing your research to learn exactly what to expect from the type of Ben Wa balls you are looking at. The feel and experience between a plastic or silicone set compared to an unattached metal or glass set can vary greatly.

Ha, I was going to write R is for Romance. But screw that. Real romance is about having your arse licked. I’m not talking metaphorically anymore.

The proper name for rimming is ‘Anilingus’, it involves kissing, licking, sucking and penetrating your partners anus. Don’t even think about kissing me after that. Of course, you can still catch STI’s from rimming.

You ever tried it? The thought of having to lick a mans asshole is somewhat completely off putting. I’ve never tried it. Licking someone else that is. I’m not sure I’d want to. I’ve had it done to me before though. Perhaps it’s one of those things that is only acceptable after a lot of scrubbing, anti bacterial spray and oust. If that’s not socially acceptable, you could just cut a condom in half and use it as a barrier, or get one of the proper dam barriers. You can also make a ‘tongue condom’ by cutting the fingers section of a latex glove and well, putting your tongue in it.

I hope it doesn’t need to be said that after this act, you shouldn’t then start cunnilingus because of all the bacteria etc on your tongue.

We all know what a queef is right? I love that word. I wonder if it’s accepted in scrabble yet? A queef, is more commonly known, as a fanny fart I guess. How horrible does that sound!

Is it anything to be embarrassed about? Of course not! You make loads of weird sounds during sex, it’s not meant to be all airy fairy like in the films is it. No wait, that depends what kinds of films you watch. If you’re going to go bright red blushing, it just ruins the sex a bit I think. You just have to laugh it off, along with the strange squelching and the annoying clapping sound of skin hitting together. Unless you have some stranger at the window applauding you that is..

The thing is, if he’s going to tease you about it, then you just shouldn’t be having sex with him. He should go back to drinking on the street corners. It’s his fault really. He’s the one putting the air in you! And we all know that what goes in, must eventually come out again. The thing is, it is just air. It’s not like you’ve trumped and stank out the whole room!

It’s one of natures little laughs. If it does bother you that much, then avoid positions like doggy style, that’s always the worst for it. It’s like pumping up a balloon! At some point, it’s either going to pop, or release all the air. I’ve never heard of anyone popping yet though, have you?
So go on, enjoy sex, and all the strange noises which go with it! 🙂

The perineum is basically that bit of skin between your genitals and your bum.
Nicknames for it include gooch, taint and chode. Although I was always lead to believe that a chode is a cock that is wider than it is long.Urbandictionary states both chode meanings are acceptable, however someone might take offence if they though you said to them you want to lick their short fat cock rather than the bit to turn them on.

It’s called a chode as in 1800′s it was thought to be a muscle and was called Chodus Maximus, it was later discovered not to be a muscle but the shortened name stuck. See, you learn something new everyday 😉

I was chatting to @SimonOCnaimhsig yesterday about dry orgasms caused by pushing on the perineum at the right time.
I’m presuming this allows men to have multiple orgasms and encourages them to go on for longer.
I know that by pushing the perineum causes stronger orgasms, but did now know dry orgasms were possible.
You can practice this whilst giving blow/hand jobs, although, be aware that of it doesn’t work you may end up with a face full of cum 😉
Alternatively you could try it in the doggy position, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, and spooning depending on the angle.
So go on, give it a try and let me know how it goes!