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9 things no one ever tells you about climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro

Mt. Kilimanjaro is a climb of 19,340 feet
through all kinds of terrain and vastly fluctuating temperatures.

When my husband-to-be asked what I wanted to do for
our honeymoon, I was stumped. I’m a travel editor. I’d traveled all over
the world. We’d met in the Galapagos. How do you top that? Do you even
try?

We both love adventure and the outdoors, and we
wanted a once-in-a-lifetime trip that would leave us with a sense of
accomplishment, not just a tan.

Then one night it hit me: “We’ll climb a mountain!”
What better way to start a marriage than by scaling a high peak
together? How symbolic. I paused and added, “What mountain can we climb
without a lot of training or ropes?”

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There are plenty of mountains where you can do that
in the U.S.; Colorado alone is filled with them. But this was our
honeymoon, and we wanted to get away, far away, to a land without cell
service. All the way to Tanzania.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the tallest and most recognizable
mountain in Africa, fit the bill. It takes hikers through five different
ecosystems – from rainforest to alpine desert to arctic snowcap – and
climbing 19,340 feet to the top is one of the most empowering adventures
you can experience without serious training.

About 35,000 people begin the climb each year. How many reach the summit is an elusive statistic.

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We hooked up with the adventure travel company
Intrepid, because it has a wide variety of dates for different climbs
and a good track record for getting people to the top.

“Kili” climbs take anywhere from five to nine days,
depending on your route and how much time you want to take to acclimate
to the altitude. All tourists must register at the base and climb with a
licensed guide. And at a cost of several thousand dollars, this isn’t
something you do on a whim. This is one for the bucket list.

I researched the climb before we left, but there are
things I know now that I wish I’d known before I got there. They would
have made the climb easier, more enjoyable and less uncomfortable.

1. Kilimanjaro is hard work. The literature
describes it as a walk, but just because you don't need special
equipment doesn't mean it’s easy. Parts of the trail are very steep and
feel like they go on forever. There are sections filled with 2-foot-high
boulders that feel like a StairMaster on level 27.

2. Nothing on the mountain will kill you.
Except lack of oxygen, which is why you need to acclimate to the
altitude. But I wish I’d known we were safe during our first night in an
A-frame hut at the Mandara camp. There is an animal that shrieks at
night and sounds like it could tear you from limb to limb. It’s a
harmless tree hyrax – no bigger than a cat – but I promise it will keep
you from getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

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3. Toilet paper is currency. I stole a large
role of extra-soft toilet paper from the last hotel I stayed in when I
was told, at the last minute, that we needed to carry our own TP. And
because I had it, I was all of a sudden rich. People would trade candy
bars, ibuprofen and, in one case, a delicious block of cheese just for
something soft to wipe with. There are bathrooms – long drop toilets –
at the camp on Kilimanjaro, but they aren’t stocked with any amenities,
including toilet paper. By the way, the only place to go while you’re
hiking is in the bushes, often with a crowd of tourists watching you and
waving. Our Intrepid guide, Justaz Molel, described them as LWVs – Loos
With a View. The problem was the view often went both ways.

4. Your sweat will freeze. And it’s gross. The
temperatures reach over 80 degrees Fahrenheit during the day and sink
to below zero at night, and it’s unlikely you’ll take a shower during
the approximately six days you’ll be on the mountain. You may find a
shower at one of the camps, but the water will be frigid. Better to
remain dirty and very, very smelly.

5. It’s not always easy on a relationship.
Many of the guides will laugh when you tell them you’re doing this on
your honeymoon. While some couples find the climb empowering, others
actually break up on the mountain. We heard that one honeymooning
husband left his new wife alone on the mountain because the climb caused
them to fight so much.

6. You need to slow down. Your guides want you
to go “pole pole” – Swahili for “slow.” It’s in their best interest,
because you’ll give them good reviews if you make it to the top and
avoid altitude sickness. But other members of your group may have a
different definition of slow. When you start a climb, there is intense
peer pressure to “stay with the group.” Our group was composed of very
active, very adventurous Australians, and trying to keep up with them
made me weep on our first day. I also felt like the mountain passed me
by. I hardly remembered anything except staring at my feet, willing them
to go faster as my breath grew more ragged. On our second day, one of
our guides saw how much I was hurting, grabbed my shoulders and said,
“Pole, pole.” While the rest of the group sped ahead, I slowed down. Not
only did I feel better, but I noticed things like glacial streams
rushing over boulders, chameleons hiding in the branches and butterflies
as big as your hand with perfect white polka dots.

7. There are a lot of senior citizens on the mountain.
This is either inspiring or, if you are huffing and puffing your way
up, incredibly demoralizing. I chose to feel empowered. “Look, honey,” I
said to my husband. “If we stay quite fit we can do this again in 30
years.” I didn’t get a response.

8. It is one of the most beautiful places you’ll ever be.
So much of the literature talks about the physical aspect of the climb,
about pushing yourself to your limits. It talks about the gorgeous view
from Uhuru, the summit of Kibo peak. But what we don’t hear enough is
that the entire climb is beautiful and other-worldly. So many climbers
were so focused on Uhuru, they hardly noticed Mwenzi, the craggy second
peak of Kilimanjaro that looms ominously over climbers, since it is
near-impossible to climb. They don’t frolic through the willowy elephant
grass or take the extra hour to look at some of the clearest night
skies in the world.

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9. You can be in the best shape of your life and fail to reach the summit. Altitude
sickness is an equal opportunity bully. You may be able to run
marathons, but the vomiting, nausea and sometimes hallucinations can
knock you out well before you reach 19,000 feet. My husband and I are
youngish and in good shape. I run almost every day and he goes rock
climbing twice a week. Still, altitude sickness was not our friend. We
had to bail at 16,000 feet with headaches and nausea worse than any
hangover. My husband imagined he saw fish flopping on rocks in the
alpine desert. We had to go down or risk serious illness.

Would knowing these tips have somehow changed that?
Maybe. Would I do the climb again, knowing we wouldn’t make it to the
very, very top? Absolutely.

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About Me

Charles G. Irion is the award-winning author and founder of Irion Books LLC which includes Remodeling Hell, Autograph Hell, Car Dealer Hell and Divorce Hell. In addition, Charles has authored a series of murder mystery novels set against the backdrop of the Seven Summits; they are Murder on Everest, prequel Abandoned on Everest, Murder on Elbrus, Murder on Mt. McKinley, Murder on Puncak Jaya, Murder on Aconcagua, Murder on Vinson Massif and Murder on Kilimanjaro.

A successful investor and businessman, Irion is the founder of U. S. Park Investments, a company that owns and brokers manufactured home and RV communities. In addition, Charles released Roadkill Cooking for Campers - The Best Dang Wild Game Cookbook in the World.