Posted
by
ScuttleMonkey
on Wednesday January 02, 2008 @04:34PM
from the less-than-elegant-exit-strategies dept.

Zed Shaw, creator of the popular Mongrel HTTP daemon / library, has decided it was high time to tear into the Ruby/Rails community for many different complaints that he has been collecting over the last few years. "Rails is a Ghetto" is Shaw's self-proclaimed exit strategy from the Rails community. "This is that rant. It is part of my grand exit strategy from the Ruby and Rails community. I don't want to be a 'Ruby guy' anymore, and will probably start getting into more Python, Factor, and Lua in the coming months. I've got about three or four more projects in the works that will use all of those and not much Ruby planned. This rant is full of stories about companies and people who've either pissed in my cheerios somehow or screwed over friends. I can back all of them up from emails, IRC chat logs, or with witnesses. Nothing in here is a lie unless it's really obviously a lie through exaggeration, and there's a lot of my opinion as well."

Too late, I already beat the shit out of Zed this morning. He was coming out of Starbucks carrying a Tazo Chai Crème and giggling about his new Hello Kitty cravat, and frankly, I just couldn't help myself. One open hand to the face, and he dropped like a bad packet hitting ipf, and then just sort of sat there on the pavement cringing and giggling. A couple girl scouts came by and kicked him in the teeth, then skipped off laughing as he threatened through a rain of tears to badmouth them in his blog.

Today, Theo de Raadt declared that henceforth he would "be nice to people", because "not even the mightiest asshole gods on Mount Asshole can top the the egomaniacal rantings of this Rails douchebag who no-one has ever heard of".

By comparing the significance of their work versus there public tactfulness, Linus Torvalds has now been awarded the Nobel Prize for niceness, and the American Marriage Council has awarded Hans Reiser 'Husband Of The Year'.

I mean, if you're a real tough guy you'll just burn the fucker's house down while he sleeps inside of it. When he flees the building, then you go to town with a 8lb baby sledge while his children watch.

(If you're gonna call 'pussy', you really should come with something more hardcore)

...because he graduated with honours from the Theo de Raadt School of Diplomacy.

Some predictions for 2008:

* Zed will fork and re-factor the framework, quietly releasing the far technically superior and more stable "OpenRails".* Google will use OpenRails to successfully deploy the Beta release of its Next Big Thing. It handles thousands of requests per nanosecond and Google's share price spikes, though it doesn't account for any of Google's revenue.* The PHP community declares "OpenRails is dead!"