New Surname Dilemma - Resolved :)

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Gold Member

Just wondering if anyone else is deliberating over taking their husbands surname?
Well, I guess I'm actually wondering what others thoughts are on this tradition is in general?

My H2B wants me to take his name, I've always been fairly independant, and feel (I can't describe well why) that my surname is also important to me.
Anyways, I offered up some middle ground with double barrelling our names..and it's gone down like a lead balloon. :sigh:

Queen of the Damned

Second marriage and I ended up doing the double-barrelled thing. The main reason was because of my children from the first marriage - keeping the surname maintained a link that they needed, sort of the bridge between the families...

You need to decide why it's so important to you before you can explain why it's iportant to him.

Gold Member

Thanks DQ.
If I'm honest, I've spent most of my life being under the cloud of TA's 'critical parent'.
Always being told how I will be doing things, without any explanation...just that 'It will be that way'
I almost feel that I've come so far in the last 2 1/2 years that I want to be able to make my decisions without being forced into what's acceptable.

Wow RD, that's a real turn around in tradition! Can just see my h2b's reaction if I suggested that.

He's pulled the usual lines about, I should take his name, and he wants to be traditional....so I asked why so traditional now, we already live together, and if we were to go with tradition then we'd live apart until we were married LOL

Gold Member

Hi Dizzy,
The work side of things is def an issue for me, and part of the reason why I would feel comfortable with joining the 2 names.

He just thinks I'm being stubborn, and if I'm honest, I guess I am.....but if I am then surely he is too?

He's suggested I double barrell and he keep his own name....but I've already been told by a family member, that they don't care what I call myself, as far as they are concerned I'm Mrs S..... I know it was partly said in jest, but it feels like another example...of how 'stupid I can be'

Full Member

It is a very hard one..... Who was it who said 'you'll be Mrs S'..... i'll sort them out.

I totally understand about the name thing..... mine is very important to me and i hate my name being shortened. If i can offer a definitive oppinion, I think both of you should double barrel it. It's like joining of two individuals into one partnership, and any children will be the link to both families. Tell C how important it is to you and why - and recognise that his is important to him and that's why the double barrel will be special to you as a couple.....

Plus i doubt that anyone in either families will have done it before..... so how special will that be

Silver Member

Second marriage for me and I took DH's surname - mainly because he didn't want me keeping the ex's name. I didn't have a problem with this as someone said earlier - as we already lived together it was the only thing that changed after we married.

A friend of ours is getting married this weekend and as she is a solicitor she is keeping her name for work only and taking his name for everything else. He is happy with this too.

Gold Member

I totally understand about the name thing..... mine is very important to me and i hate my name being shortened. If i can offer a definitive oppinion, I think both of you should double barrel it. It's like joining of two individuals into one partnership, and any children will be the link to both families. Tell C how important it is to you and why - and recognise that his is important to him and that's why the double barrel will be special to you as a couple.....

Plus i doubt that anyone in either families will have done it before..... so how special will that be

Thank you Last night became very 'difficult' .....I hadn't realised how deep feelings ran for both of us.
It seemed the only compromise would be his name....or his name!!! but I'm hoping we've worked through that now.

Second marriage for me and I took DH's surname - mainly because he didn't want me keeping the ex's name. I didn't have a problem with this as someone said earlier - as we already lived together it was the only thing that changed after we married.

A friend of ours is getting married this weekend and as she is a solicitor she is keeping her name for work only and taking his name for everything else. He is happy with this too.

Queen of the Damned

Full Member

I can understand why he might have a problem with this !! LOL. I took my husband's name, never gave it a second thought to be honest, just went with tradition and I have to say my maiden name was much nicer and easier to spell that my married name !

Full Member

My Fiance changed his name legally several years ago after a fall out with his father and uses his middle name as his surname - he's lucky it's one that suits both! - so I see it as starting a whole new family with a new name ands I kinda like that.

Gold Member

Id definitely take my hubbys surname, but thats because I fancy a personalised number plate for my car and cant get one with my current initials..... or is that really shallow Not much help am I :giggle:

Seriously, hope you get it resolved but what ever you decide, best of luck for Saturday