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Praise Shocker

Having just spent a few days at Mom’s house, it is often a treacherous path to navigate not knowing what sudden mood shift (in her) may occur and leave me dangling perilously off the side of a narrow footpath I travel when in her presence, ready to plummet to my own demise.

There were surprisingly no dangerous elements that appeared and the visit was pleasant. I even experienced an extremely rare phenomenon; praise.

With a bit of dumbfounded shock at receiving praise, momentary silence and confusion stilled my being as I looked in her direction. I soon smiled and replied; Thank you! My mind reflected on the time that I learned of the concept of ‘modeling’, not where you are photographed and splashed on glossy magazine pages and covers. The kind of modeling where you behave in a way that sets an example for others (to hopefully imitate).

Many years back, I had taken the approach to compliment and praise mother on her ability to navigate her own difficult life’s journey. In my family there were never ( that I can recall ) praises or compliments. When I spoke these kind, supportive words to her that first time she responded by laughing at me, as though she thought I was putting her on or pulling her leg.

I would repeat the kind words over the months and years and she no longer laughed but began to listen, to hear me. Then, one afternoon I was driving her somewhere while I was staying over for a visit and out of no where she said; ” I am proud of you “.

My mind said, “What?!?” I felt a deep sense of shock and disbelief as the words lingered in the air within the automobile, I started to question myself at what I just heard and then dismissed my doubts and jumped in with a heartfelt, stunned “thank you.” Wow! At 50 y.o. I got what I had always wanted from my mother, praise. Only wish I hadn’t been behind the wheel and could have crashed from the shock of it all. It was a real big moment, in my mind and heart.

9 Comments

Thank you for your visit to my Mindful 4 (Jan) post.
I have walked on eggshells most of my life in regards to parents. I was told to ‘Do as I say and not as I do.’ So I did. And eventually, hopefully became a good person. I just sometimes wish I hadn’t taken so long to say; “Hey, can we be more positive with each other on the road to respect.” I like your resolution to offer praise. You did good. You are a wonderful example. It gets tricky when our loved ones start treading on the ‘dementia’ road. But every smile is worth it. Best to you in the New Year.

I can relate totally. I have started trying to do the same thing. I have been working on being an example of how a person should recognize the good things in others by complimenting my mother. She gets really uncomfortable lol. The other day she made the statement that if I started saying all of these nice things that she may get an ego and she said, you know that I don’t believe in praising people too much. lol