A Former Athlete Reflects on His Role in Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy

Would you have any remorse if you thought you may have contributed to the debilitating injury of another?

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The sound of someone having a chronic traumatic brain injury is scary and sobering. Imagine being the person who could have been a significant contributor to this debilitating, life-threatening physical ailment.

What if you were that guy your teammates and opponents were reluctant to physically challenge because of their concern for their safety, their fear of private and public humiliation brought on by their being brutalized and manhandled by their friendly but hostile foe? Would you have any remorse, would you be any less likely to inflict what was originally thought to be a tough but harmless way of expressing your manhood and exhibiting your physical prowess as you display your “Alpha-Male” abilities?

Would you empathize with your “victims” as they are taunted by and subjected to hearing those mind-numbing jeers from the crowd, or their having to be subjected to laughter directed at them because of a crushing blow that they have just received from you for “being in your way”?

Can you imagine how your victim is attempting to save face as he is being disemboweled while having his manhood tested and his seemingly inept athletic abilities on display for the entire stadium, not to mention family, friends and loved ones to see?

Imagine for a minute an athlete making every attempt to make it appear to the crowd that he was not in the least fazed after just being run-over like common road kill. He painstakingly picks himself up from the ground only to be met with ear-popping laughter, which is gleefully displayed by individuals described as fans and spectators, they endure the wrath of their coaches, their teammates and their “supporters” all while having to wonder if they will be able to make the next play.

You see, I was that guy. I never gave a second thought to hitting someone with such force that it could literally knock them out. Yes, I did knock a few out either in boxing or tackling them in football. I took great pride in exhibiting my abilities to be an “Alpha-Male.” It was never about injuring anyone. The only thing that mattered was to be a Champion, or so I was lead to believe, and that my opponent would live to fight another day.

I casually joined The Good Men Project member community out of curiosity; I was looking for mothers to take part in a survey for my upcoming book, Mothers and Their S’Men: An Introspective Look at Mothers Rearing Their Sons. What I found was a very compelling and telling conversation that focused on brain injury.

The conversation was primarily referencing football and the ailment Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy or “CTE.” I was causally cognizant of this traumatic illness. Prior to my engaging in this eye-opening and mind-boggling conversation with members of this group, unfortunately, I paid very little attention when I heard it mentioned because I thought that it may be “much to do about nothing.”

Man, was I wrong. As I began to listen to the conversations that were had, I was inspired to do some personal research on CTE. As I began to read the information I was dumbfounded and astonished to see researched and documented information confirming that CTE is a direct result of the brain being regularly and repetitively slammed into the skull. What was even more disturbing was that this information has been available as far back as 1920.

I can only wonder if I caused anyone to have received a debilitating injury such as CTE. The violent nature of our sport (football) is certainly ripe to cause such injuries.

Being “that guy” is no longer “glamorous,” and to be honest, I am saddened by the permanent damage I may have caused to someone all in the interest of self-gratification and seeking that “Alpha-Male” status. It was once extremely important to me to be “THAT GUY.”

I wanted to massage my own ego, I wanted to please my coaches, I wanted the admiration of the crowd. I wanted the girl(s) and I wanted to be thought of as being one of the best linemen anywhere, regardless of conference and/or city.

As a former heavyweight Golden Gloves boxing champion, and being involved in several championships as a defensive/offensive lineman at all level of football, it is very humbling to realize that I may be one of the “lucky” few who has escaped such a tragedy as CTE.

Having also survived Acute Promyelocytic Leukemia, I understand the words “But for the Grace of God there go I.”

I issue this piece as an open letter of apology and prayers to all of the guys that I competed against during my athletic reign; I sincerely hope and pray that I have not caused lasting physical difficulties and possible lifelong mental health implications in your lives.

Please allow me to take the liberty to say to our fathers and mothers of young children: I love the game of football. I am not a neurosurgeon, a psychologist, or an expert on athletic injuries nor am I a medical doctor. However, I simply implore you to DO the research on CTE and make conscious, informed decisions as to your sons’ and daughters’ lifelong health implications.

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Lars is a certified Violence Prevention/Intervention Specialist, receiving his certification and training through the prestigious Harvard University, with Dr. Renee Prothro-Stith.

He is a licensed/ordained Elder/Minister in both the C.O.G.I.C. & C.M.E. Churches. He is the CEO/founder of Brighter Futures Inc; a Family Wellness, Violence Prevention/Intervention and Academic Enhancement and entertainment Company; an affiliate representative for the NFL ALLPRODADS Initiative. Former interim; Executive Director of Urban League of Greater Muskegon, Former NAACP President of Muskegon County; 2007-2012, employed as a consultant to the Michigan Department of Education as a Compliance Monitor for the (NCLB Highly Qualified) initiative for Highly Qualified Teachers and works collaboratively with Hall of Famer Jim Brown and his Amer-I-Can Program and is a ten-time published author of various books, and self-help and academic articles. He is married to Ann Lars and is the father of one adult son, Ernest.