depressed or not?

I've never really considered that i might be depressed because i guess i just thought that kind of thing wouldnt happen to me. last year i had a very rough first year of college where i became someone that i didnt really want to be. i was such a good person up until last year. i drank heavily and did things i shouldnt have. i constantly had in mind that i wanted to get back together with my boyfriend from last year but didnt wanna out myself in the position to get hurt again so i distracted myself with other people. one night i got so drunk that a guy actually took advantage of me and i said no but was so drunk that i eventally just gave up and i couldnt really think rationally anyway so i wasnt very firm in telling him to back off. so now i year later, im back with my high school sweetheart but memories of that seem to haunt me and im starting to feel very distant from my bf and friends and i honestly think im depressed because he is wonderful to me and fun and cute, it just seems like i always blow up at him . ive also lost around 20 pounds which is sooo unlike me. is depression likely or not?

I can honestly say that I have been EXACTLY where you are right now and I know how much it hurts. I was an honor student in high school and started going to college at night as a junior in high school. I had a 3.9 GPA before moving out on my own and going to a University. I started drinking heavily and making stupid decisions, especially when it came to the guys I dated. I use the term "dated" loosly. I once drank so much that I passed out on the street in front of the fraternity house where I was a little sis. Thank God that I had an amazing big brother to carry me inside and make sure nothing happened to me.

My depression started around that time and, 12 years later, I'm still dealing with it. Although, I can say that it gets easier, because you learn what things trigger the depression and coping mechanisms that can keep it from affecting you so much.

I am obviously not a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt, but I don't think you have a depression disorder. At least, not yet. I think that you are disappointed in the choices you have made over the past year and you are situationally depressed. That doesn't make it any less real and it can hurt just as much.

My suggestion to you would be to contact the Psychology department at your school and ask if they offer free counseling through the department. You'll see a doctoral candidate and they will tape the session, but it's not because of you, it's to grade the counselor (you can request to not be recorded). I think you just need someone to talk to that can help you work out your issues with becoming someone you don't like right now.

Another thing, and this is something I'm guilty of to this day, is try to cut back on the drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. You feel great that night, but then have regrets or just feel sad the next day. Hope this helps...