We'll take it under advisement. The KAR is willing to abandon its nuclear ambitions in exchange for $100,000,000 in foreign aid, and assurances that no parties to any treaty we sign will actively try to enforce it.

Hey Doug: if I start regularly insulting you in public fora, will you treat me to conciliatory beers? Let me know, and I'll start throwing scuds your way, buddy.

Oh and as far as threats go, I can think of three people that might have a better case against Nick than he has against me. In any event, someone fill me in on latest developments as I have belatedly decided to give up Radio Free Nick for Lent.

BRACKET ADVICEIf you participate in an NCAA tournament office pool, I have 2 pieces of advice that will help you win some money.

Er, I mean...uh...earn a refund...plus, er, interest of...uh, the administrative fee you, uh, pay to, er, enter the pool. As we all know, gambling is illegal.

1) The big upsets in the first round happen in the 7 - 10 seed games and the 12 - 5 seed games. A 1-seed has never lost in the opening round.

If you didn't understand that last sentence, please skip this part.

2) Arizona either loses in the first 2 rounds or wins the National Championship. If Arizona is a 1-seed this year, they will lose in the second round. If they're a lower seed, look for them to get upset in the first round. If you don't buy either of these predictions, then pick the Wildcats to win it all.

MORON MAIL EFFECTS POSITIVE CHANGERemember about a month ago, that "Moron Mail" installment that featured a letter from a DFL opperative named Joel Bergstrom? Remember the firestorm that was set ablaze with, uh, certain francls out there about whether or not it was lame to not identify an official party affiliation when writing a letter to the editor? That was great! (LearnedFoot, deep in a reverie, looks off into the distance with a smile on his face.)

Though good journalism, Lori Sturdevant's evenhanded take on Rep. Jeff Johnson's (R-Plymouth) upcoming antigay-marriage field trip to Grand Rapids lets the chair of the House Civil Law Committee off too easy (Star Tribune, Mar. 6).

Johnson is using his position -- and taxpayer dollars -- to kick off his campaign for attorney general. He knows he needs to find a foothold in northern Minnesota to have a shot at being elected so he, as attorney general, can be as devoted to denying civil liberties as our current secretary of state.

Unfortunately for him, Johnson will find that Minnesotans, though not uniformly in favor of gay rights, are smart enough to say no to an amendment that denies rather than grants rights under our state Constitution.

Joel Bergstrom, Minneapolis;chair, Senate District 60 DFL.Bravo for Mr. Bergstrom. Of course if I advanced an argument as week as his (polls have shown that such an amendment would pass easily in Minnesota), I'd prefer to attribute it to some other entity as well.

But whatever. I'd like to advance my sincerest admiration to Mr. Bergstrom and continue the attempted detente that was sparked by the KAR Nuclear Crisis. If Mr. Bergstrom is in my neck of the woods (which on March 24th will be Keegan's pub - hint hint), I will buy Mr. Bergstrom a beer and apologize to his face for calling him a "vomitous mass". I'm not kidding.

A RECIPE FOR THE WORLD'S CUTEST TAXPAYER ADVOCATE (not you, Strom!)Here ya' go Margaret. I am inhaling the aroma of this wonderful pot roast as I type this. It's yummy. It's got that spicy-sweet thing going on. If you want to kick it up a notch, you can either add more red pepper or add a couple of tablespoons of chili sauce.