You might be going through a painful breakup, splitting apart from an unrequited love, or dealing with the death of your significant other. Regardless of the exact circumstances, losing a love is never easy, and surviving the loss can seem impossible at first. Focus on surviving for the time being. Once your survival is secure, you can begin to heal and grow from the experience.

Steps

Part 1

Survive

1

Reassure yourself. Right now, it might be difficult to believe that you can ever move on from your loss. Recovery is possible, though, as long as you don't give up.[1]

The healing process has a beginning, middle, and end for everyone. You're stuck at the beginning now, but if you keep moving forward, you'll eventually reach the end.

Don't get discouraged by the occasional regression. You may feel worse today than you did yesterday, but that's not necessarily a bad sign. Surviving the loss of love usually requires you to go through both ups and downs.

2

Acknowledge the loss. If you still find yourself in a state of disbelief, you need to stop running from the loss and admit that it has happened. You need to admit that you lost your love before you can recover from the pain of it.

Don't downplay the loss, either. Your suffering is real. You don't need to feel ashamed of it, nor do you need to hide the fact that you're going through it.

3

Let yourself hurt. Pain naturally follows loss, and the loss of a love is no exception. Fighting the need to grieve will leave you feeling more worn out than living with your grief will do.

Don't rush yourself through your grief, either. Everyone heals at his or her own pace, so you shouldn't try to shorten your grieving period in an attempt to seem more "normal."

4

Get the help you need. It's important to give yourself the support system you need right now. Humans are social creatures, so it is easier to survive loss when you're surrounded by people who care about you.

If you feel suicidal or find yourself spiraling out of control, seek immediate professional help. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1-800-273-8255

Even if you're emotionally stable, you should still seek comfort and support from loved ones. Accepting help from others can make you feel more vulnerable, but right now, it is ultimately better to be vulnerable with people who genuinely care for you than to isolate yourself.

Note that help from those who have undergone a similar loss can be especially beneficial. If none of your loved ones have lost a love in a similar manner, consider looking for a support group.

Non-emergency professional help is another option to consider. Counselors and therapists are trained to help people sort through losses just like yours. Scheduling an appointment with a professional is not an overreaction to your loss.

5

Breathe.Meditative breathing can recharge your body and calm your mind. It's a simple technique that can be performed whenever you feel overwhelmed by the pain.

Sit, stand, or lie down in an area free from distraction.

Exhale fully and inhale deeply. Stretch your abdomen and chest with each breath. Focus on your breathing for a few minutes until you feel yourself calm down.

6

Rest. Give yourself a chance to rest physically, mentally, and emotionally. Pushing yourself too quickly can result in a meltdown and a major setback.

Get plenty of sleep at night. If you're able to nap in the middle of the day and you know your body needs it, indulge in a midday nap, too.

Don't engage in any project that requires heavy emotional or mental commitment for a while. Delay decisions until you feel as though your mind has cleared to prevent errors and additional regrets.

7

Take care of your body. Get the nutrition you need and avoid substances that may make you feel worse. Remain physically active, as well.

Don't skip meals; it is important to give your body the nutrients it needs even when you don't feel hungry. Eat balanced meals and try to drink eight glasses of water per day.

Avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs. You can indulge in the occasional sugary comfort food, but don't allow yourself to binge on junk food.

Cardiovascular exercise is good for both your body and your mind. Studies have shown that it can reduce feelings of anxiety and depression during hard times.[2] Try walking at a moderate pace for 20 minutes at least three times a week.

8

Keep to a schedule. You need to rest your mind and body, but you shouldn't let yourself become lethargic. Light activity can help you stay on track.

Don't worry about introducing new things into your schedule yet. Simply stick with your current workload.

If your current workload seems too much to handle, ask those around you to help out for a while. Do as much as you can without feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. It's okay to move at a slow pace as long as you keep moving.

Part 2

Heal

1

Cycle through the emotions. You may feel a range of emotions during the healing stage, including grief, anger, and fear. Let yourself work through each emotion as it comes instead of trying to ignore it.

Mourn now. Deal with the emotional wound while it is still fresh to avoid later complications.

Don't pretend that you're happier than you feel. Pretending requires you to use precious energy that could go toward actually healing. Let yourself cry, shout, and vent your hurt in similarly harmless ways.

Expect to feel afraid. You might be afraid of being alone or afraid that you'll never love again. The first step to conquering any fear is confronting it, so you'll need to be honest about the things you fear before you can bravely work through them.

2

Confront all related issues that surface. Losing your love might cause unresolved issues from the past to rise back to the surface. Accept that your current loss is connected to your past pain instead of trying to separate the two.[3]

If your current loss triggers an old issue, the two are unquestionably connected.

By healing from your current loss, you may even start to heal from that past pain.

3

Accept yourself. The loss of your love is not a reflection of your worth as a human being. No matter how the relationship came to an end, you need to remember that there is more to who you are than your failed relationship.

Be gentle with yourself. Ask yourself how you would respond to a loved one dealing with your sort of grief and give yourself the same sort of compassion and sympathy.

Take the time to reaffirm healthy beliefs. These can include healthy beliefs about your own self-worth, as well as healthy beliefs about the world around you. If you practice a faith or religion, now can be a good time to explore it further.

4

Make a clean break. It might seem tempting to reconcile with your lost love, but even if neither of you is to blame, reconciliation at this time is often futile and more painful than it's worth.

You need to focus on moving forward. Your past love is part of your past, and right now, you should let him or her stay in your past.

Ask yourself if keeping photographs and mementos are hurting you or helping you. Keep them if they help you heal, but if they delay your healing, get rid of them. You don't have to destroy them, but you should at least pack them away and put them in a place that is out of reach.

5

Avoid rebounds.[4] Many people rush into new romances before they're ready as a way to fill the emptiness they feel from their loss. A premature rebound is likely to lead to another loss, though.

Focus on yourself right now. Once you feel satisfied, happy, and whole, you can step back out into the dating world.

If your new love seems perfect in every way, you're probably fooling yourself. Make sure that you view each new relationship realistically.

6

Reflect. Give yourself time to reflect on the past and acknowledge your present feelings. Ignoring your grief won't allow you to heal from it.

Try keeping a journal, but don't force yourself to write in it each day. Use your journal to get thoughts and emotions out of your system when you aren't able to express them or make sense of them otherwise.

7

Laugh.[5] Let yourself laugh again. You need to let yourself experience grief, but you also need to introduce positive emotion back into your daily routine.

Watch or read something funny. Spend time with people who make you laugh.

If you can find humor in your loss, or in certain aspects of your loss, let yourself do so.

Part 3

Grow

The grieving/healing stage lasts longer for some than it does for others, so there is no way to predict how much time will pass before you are able to grow past it. Once the urge to move forward becomes natural instead of forced, however, you may want to consider acting on it.

You don't need to forget the past, but you do need to reach a point where it is no longer your focus.

2

Forgive. You need to forgive both yourself and your lost love.

Your anger and bitterness has no effect on your lost love. Instead of making him or her miserable, you will only make yourself miserable.

Admit to any mistakes you made. Instead of regretting those errors, commit yourself to correcting them in the present and avoiding them in the future.

3

Consider the good. Even though this experience brought you pain, it may have benefitted you in some way, too. Consider the positive things you gained from the relationship and the split.

For instance, your lost love may have introduced you to a hobby you're passionate about or taught you a skill you're glad to have.

In general, people are often improved by the process of loving someone. Nurturing your ability to love with one person can make it easier to love yourself and those around you.

Losing your old love can open the door for a healthier relationship or new path in life.

4

Pursue your interests. Indulge in old interests but try to find a few new ones, as well.

Old interests and passions can be comforting, so they can give you the strength to keep moving forward on otherwise dark days.

New interests shake up your routine and encourage growth as a whole person. By developing a side of you that your lost love never knew, you may begin to feel as though you really have changed from who you were in the past.

5

Meet new people. Don't abandon your old friends, but don't undervalue the importance of making new friends, either.

New friends never knew who you were while you were in your old relationship, so their presence won't remind you of your past hurt.

As you meet new people, do your best to be trusting, open, and honest with them. Doing so might be difficult after you were hurt so badly, but remember that the new people you meet were not responsible for your past pain and deserve an opportunity to earn your trust.

6

Love yourself. Learn to love yourself when you're alone. You should love who you currently are, but working toward some positive self-improvements can reinvigorate your self-esteem and make the process easier.

Quit a bad habit, like smoking, or start on a healthy diet and exercise program (if you need it). If there's an aspect of your personality that frustrates you, take steps to improve it. For instance, consider a class on public speaking if you want to be more comfortable talking in front of strangers.

Work on one self-improvement at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself. If you overwhelm yourself, you're more likely to fail, and failure may cause a setback in your growth.

7

Let yourself love others. When you have a hard time loving yourself or begin feeling sorry for yourself, a good way to combat the feeling is to focus on doing something kind for someone else.

Be there for your friends and relatives when they need your support.

Take time to volunteer. Mow your neighbor's lawn or spend a few hours at a local soup kitchen. Walk dogs at a nearby animal shelter or visit an acquaintance in the hospital.