‘Hawaii Five-O’ Is Not a Remake

I’m looking forward to CBS’s remake of “Hawaii Five-O” (largely due to Grace Park in a bikini) in the fall, but — oh, I’m sorry. Did I say “remake”? I meant reboot.

“‘Remake’ suggests doing the exact same thing again,” said [executive producer Alex] Kurtzman, one of the writers on last year’s “Star Trek” reboot. “In our experinece doing ‘Star Trek,’ you have to find the spirit of what the original franchise was about and really be true to it and expand on it and bring it into modern times with whatever rules will govern it. We had to make sure we stayed true to the spirit of the show but brings something new to the table that a modern audience would recognize. That’s why the word ‘reboot’ feels more appropriate.” [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Oh, well la dee dah. Pardon me, Mr. Kurtzman. I didn’t realize that when it came to copying someone else’s original creative idea, you were such an artiste. You see, “artiste” is extra douche-y, which is why the accessible and respected word “artist” feels inappropriate.

Tell you what, CBS execs. How about you take some of the effort you put into semantics and reapply it to coming up with original ideas? I know, I know: it takes away from the work you put into making “CSI” spinoffs, but you should give it a shot.