Mande says he received a tall glass of sparkling shut-your-trap from LaCroix. The letter attributed to LaCroix’s lawyer specifically cites Mande’s political views and “offensive” jokes as a reason why the company is asking him to stop misrepresenting himself its spokesperson.

I've received a letter from the cowards at La Croix Water asking me to stop claiming to be their celebrity spokesman. pic.twitter.com/hUwNnQWFxZ

I’ve received a letter from the cowards at La Croix Water asking me to stop claiming to be their celebrity spokesman. Apparently La Croix is concerned they might lose valuable business from Michelle Malkin-reading, Benghazi-obsessed right wing psychos. You know, that’s fine. But they should know that I’m never drinking LaCroix again. They’ve lost the support of the original and number one #LACROIXBOY: me!

I urge Perrier and/or Polar Seltzer and/or San Pellegrino to hit me up immediately. I’d be happy to endorse their product, provided they have a sense of humor and aren’t total fucking pussies.

Mande is taking the scenic route to Whinesville on the waahhmbulance. Because hardy-har-har comedy something blah.

You’ve lost the original #LACROIXBOY and there’s nothing you can do to get me back. I disown you. Coconut flavor is terrible by the way.