Barney [playing laser tag, on phone with Ted]: Hey, loser. How's not playing laser tag? Because playing laser tag is awesome! [kid fires at Barney as he runs by] Oh, I killed you, Conner! Don't make me get your mom!Ted: Hey, listen, I need your help on something.Barney: Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up!

Barney: Lesson one, lose the goatee, it doesn't go with your suit.Ted: I'm not wearing a suit.Barney: Lesson two, get a suit. Suits are cool, exhibit A. [points to his own suit] Lesson three, don't even think about getting married til you're thirty.