5 Christmas films (that are horrible without the magic)

It’s like the world around you begins to glow with an otherworldly, almost magical warmth. You know it’s not actual magic, but perhaps it comes from the leftover embers of a bygone time when you believed in magic.

It’s a good job that’s the case, because without that irrational Christmas spirit, the festive season would just be a bloody cold few weeks in December.

The same rule applies to some of our most treasured Christmas films. Take away the magic, and they become a different matter altogether. Don’t believe us? Read on.

Elf

In reality, a man who thought he was an elf wouldn’t make any friends in New York City, and he definitely wouldn’t have found a girlfriend like Zooey Deschanel. People would most likely just cross the road to avoid his crazy and assume he was just a homeless guy who turned psychotic after getting fired from his Santa’s Grotto job at Macy’s.

Dr Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Without the Christmas magic, this would be a film about a deformed, toxic mutant living in hateful isolation on the top of a mountain, plotting to ruin the livelihoods of the townspeople below. Home invasion? Burglary? Destruction of public property? There’s absolutely nothing magical about that.

A Christmas Carol

Without the Christmas magic, the ending to this film might have been quite different. Picture it:

‘Did you hear about Ebenezer? It’s awful. He had a night of intense hallucinations about time travelling ghosts and he’s completely changed. I know he’s acting friendlier, but insanity is insanity. He needs professional help.’

Home Alone 1 and 2

We’ve saved the worst until last. Home Alone is the ultimate in over-reliance on Christmas magic. Think about it.

Take away the magic from this film, and you’re left with perhaps the most cruel and sadistic exercise in torture ever put to film. Absolutely every single one of Kevin’s playful ‘booby-traps’ are either actual torture methods or straight-up executions. Here’s a fun little list of a few choice selections:

repeated pummelling with heavy objects

point blank air rifle shot in the privates

point blank nail gun shot in the privates

prolonged electrocution

repeated immolation (setting someone on fire)

feeding people to a flock of starving pigeons

See what we mean? Little Kevin McCallister doesn’t seem so cute now, right? Let’s be honest – instead of an emotional Christmas reunion, Mrs. McCallister should have come home to a very concerned letter from social services.

Phew. We’re glad that’s over. That’s 5 Christmas classics we’ll never be able to watch the same way again.

At the very least, this has shown us is how important it is to fill yourself with Christmas spirit over the festive period.

Luckily for you, we’ve got absolutely no shortage of the delightful Christmas feels for you guys to enjoy, so go ahead and book a Christmas party venue with us for a celebration that’ll definitely keep your spirits up.