Monthly Archives: September 2015

teething troubles
1. Lit. pain and crying on the part of a baby whose teeth are growing in. Billy has been whining because of teething troubles.
2. Fig. difficulties and problems experienced in the early stages of a project, activity, etc. There have been a lot of teething troubles with the new computer system. We have finally gotten over the teething troubles connected with the new building complex.

Last night at around midnight, as I sat on the edge of our bed, head in hands, looking bleary eyed at the night-vision images of our screaming daughter on the baby monitor, I had a sudden feeling of dejavu.

For the last four months or so, we’ve been fortunate enough to have a baby sleeping from 7pm to 7am, who doesn’t cry and is generally a very happy little being. Much of this is thanks to the expert help and guidance we received from the Sleep Fairy, Dee Booth. However, to date we’ve also had a daughter that has so far produced only two teeth. We both know that more teeth would inevitably come and with more teeth comes more teething. And more teething means more saliva production, more stomach acidity, more nappy filling poonamis and ultimately a generally unhappy little person that will sleep less and by default cause you to sleep less.

With the first two teeth, we seemed to manage things fairly well; the pain with Calpol and Baby Neurofen, instant soothing with Nelsons Teething Granules and Teething Gel along with chilled teething rings for her to chew the crap out of. Unfortunately, none of these remedies deal with the vast quantities of runny poo your beloved baby will produce at the most inconvenient of times. I can’t over emphasise just how much and how often. This also produces nappy rash to the point where your baby’s backside will resemble the flag of Japan.

“And it burns, burns, burns. The ring of fire. the ring of fire” – Johnny Cash

This time round though, the teething has come out of the blue. We had a lovely day yesterday at a 1st birthday party and our little Tinker was impeccably behaved enjoying all the soft play and toys that the parents had arranged. She was on top form and made us both feel like very proud parents. She even went to bed without any fuss whatsoever. And you see, this is what they do; they lull you into a false sense of security so that when you least expect it, whammy! The screaming horror is unleashed once more to remind you what your sole purpose in life is right now. Roughly two hours of crying later she finally succumbed to the pain relief and fell soundly asleep until just before 7am this morning. Mrs DADiator and I on the other hand, have had to put in a full day at work (her) and spend every minute of her waking hours feeding/entertaining/changing/sedating her (me). To say I’m tired is an understatement as it’s taken me the best part of three hours just to compose this post.

Anyway, to summarise and bring this post to an end; teething – it’s the shits.

The iconic slogan used by the dog charity could quite easily be applied to having children; although you wouldn’t necessarily choose to give birth exclusively at Christmas.

Being ‘master’ to a Border Terrier since he was 14 weeks old (he’s now 5 and a half and I use the term ‘master’ very loosely ), was as good a preparation for being a parent as I can think of. The feeding, cleaning up, bathing, inoculations, entertaining and general constant attention is enough to make anyone think twice about starting a family. Any planned outing with the dog would require ticking off the required mental checklist:

Dog

Collar

Lead

Poo bags

Pretty simple although I’d still forget the poo bags on occasion.

The big difference between babies and dogs of course, is that once your little pup has been house trained, you can leave them home alone while you pop out to the shops or nip out for a coffee/beer with friends. Saying that, most pubs in our locality allow dogs, so more often than not, he ended up coming with us.

Babies on the other hand, cannot, contrary to the beliefs of those without children, be left home alone. Not even for a few minutes. Not even a single minute. So, the consequence is that everyday chores previously taken for granted become a military operation. Firstly, you can only do certain things during nap times. Of course, this can’t be anything involving noise such as vacuuming or mowing the lawn. Secondly, if you choose to ‘wear’ your little ‘un in a sling, then forget about using any cleaning chemicals (bathroom cleaner, surface cleaners etc.) or hanging up laundry as, invariably their little grubby, grabbing mitts will be getting stuff you’ve just cleaned dirty again. That’s counterproductive in my book. Thirdly, if you choose to take baby with you grocery shopping you must, under no circumstances forget

Baby

House keys

Changing bag (with nappies, wipes etc. )

Baby

Water and/or formula

Sling or stroller

Snacks

Toys

Pound coin for the trolley

Baby

You get the picture. But as glaringly obvious as the above might be, when a lack of sleep the previous night has rendered you almost useless, it’s quite easy to forget multiple items from the above list. Nothing worse than parking up outside the supermarket, walking round to unstrap your child from his/her car seat, picking them up to insert into the sling and realising they’ve shat through their nappy, vest and trousers. That’s bad, but then realising you’ve left the change bag in the porch back home due to being momentarily distracted by your dog being a total dick as you were leaving the house. Oh joy! Back home we go.

Suffice to say, this does get easier as the checklist becomes second nature. I now also make sure I have wipes and nappies in the car at all times just in case. Oh, and poo bags.

As a single man in my twenties and early thirties, I had no-one to answer to other than myself. Well, apart from my boss at the time. Oh, and possibly my parents. So when it came to my sleep routine (if you can call it that), bedtime was governed by whatever was worth staying up to watch on TV, and waking up was an hour which, at the time, seemed ridiculously early. This of course was completely different when it came to the weekend, when it was ‘normal’ to get home after a night of mild drunkenness at around 4am and then pass out, I mean sleep, until well after lunchtime. How I managed to do that week, in week out is beyond me, as most evenings nothing other than liquids entered my digestive system.

Now, as a married 40-something year old, my sleep routine is very much dictated by my 10-month old daughter. I realise now how valuable sleep really is. According to the National Sleep Foundation, for adults between 18 and 64 years of age, it is recommended to have between 7 and 9 hours of sleep each night. Most of us look for that golden 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep, which allows for our bodies to regenerate and recover, ready for what the next day has in store. Sadly, the reality is that most of us get nowhere near as much sleep as we need. The modern lifestyle, increased commuter times, varying work shifts and generally trying to cram too much into a day, affect our natural body clock or circadian rhythm.

When my daughter was born, I was remotely aware that my sleep would be affected. Moreover, my “…life will never be the same…” or words to that effect, gave me the impression that parenthood wasn’t something to be taken lightly. Now, I’m not prone to exaggerating, but the first eight weeks or so of being parents, almost broke us. One evening in particular, our daughter had been crying incessantly from 5pm until almost 11pm. I’m not talking a little bit of a wail every now and again. I’m talking full on, nuclear meltdown which measured over 100dB (thanks to an app I downloaded).

Physically, there was nothing wrong with her; she’d been bathed, fed, nappy changed, temperature in room perfect. She’d be put to sleep in her Moses basket and, just when we thought she’d fallen asleep, it would start. And it wouldn’t stop for hours. During this onslaught, we’d try to continue as normal with our evening routine; preparing dinner then eating it, discussing our day (mine at work and my wife’s at home), talking about what the following day had in store…It was impossible. We just couldn’t shut out the screaming coming from our baby’s room. It sounded like she was in pain. Terrible, terrible pain. The truth was, of course, there wasn’t really anything physically wrong with her. It just happens that some babies cry more than others. Thankfully, I found out about Purple Crying around this time which helped us cope and understand this was all a developmental phase and one she would grow out of fairly quickly. To our relief, that night was the turning point and our daughter soon started to settle and sleep a little better, although nowhere near the 14-17 hours recommended for a newborn up to 3 months.

Sleep is essential for a healthy heart. People who don’t sleep enough are at higher risk for cardiovascular disease—regardless of age, weight, smoking and exercise habits. One study that examined data from 3,000 adults over the age of 45 found that those who slept fewer than six hours per night were about twice as likely to have a stroke or heart attack as people who slept six to eight hours per night.

Source: National Sleep Foundation

When you add parenting into the mix, you absolutely, positively, need all the rest you can get. Personally, I just can’t function if I haven’t had at least 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep. A fog descends over me, rendering me incapable of giving anyone 100% of my attention. I get headaches, backache and am generally cranky. Mr Grump you might say. Mr Bloody Unbearable my wife might say.

Of course, sleep is just one factor in maintaining good health. A balanced diet, exercise, drinking plenty of water, all contribute to staying healthy and reducing the chances of infections and illness.

As I write this, my daughter is enjoying her post-breakfast morning nap from 9am-10am. When she wakes, it’s off for a brisk walk with the dog to breathe in some of that clean country air and make the most of the sunshine, as I fear it won’t be around for much longer.