8/29/2013

Man with a Distinct Lisp Questions the Masculinity of Another Man:
Have you heard GOP Senate candidate from New Jersey Steve Lonegan speak? He's got this very clear lisp, a clear issue with his sibilant sounds. In fact, if you heard Lonegan say, "Sibilant sounds," and you were inclined towards stereotyping people based on their voices, you'd wonder if Lonegan just came from a cocksucking contest where he was the winning jizz receptacle. For lack of a more direct way to say it, Lonegan sounds gay. Totally gay. Gayer than Barney Frank in a Speedo and a sailor's hat at a Provincetown Labor Day party. That gay.

In a recent interview, Lonegan was asked about his opponent Democrat Cory Booker's remark about his own sexuality. Booker had said regarding rumors that he is gay, "I love seeing on Twitter when someone says I’m gay, and I say, 'So what does it matter if I am? So be it.'" Coy, sure. And true, definitely. But certainly it tosses gasoline on the fire for people who care about that kind of thing.

And flaming proudly was Lonegan, who said of Booker and, indirectly, gay men in general, "It's kind of weird. As a guy, I personally like being a guy. I don't know if you saw the stories last year. They've been out for quite a bit about how he likes to go out at three o'clock in the morning for a manicure and a pedicure."

Then Lonegan added, "I don't like going out in the middle of the night, or any time of the day, for a manicure and pedicure. It was described as his peculiar fetish." And he laid out this challenge: "I have a more peculiar fetish. I like a good Scotch and a cigar. That's my fetish but we'll just compare the two."

Here's a pro-tip: If you're gonna defend your supposed "masculinity" (which, you know, has nothing to do with whether or not a man is gay or straight), you probably don't want to do it quite that way. In other words, shut the fuck up. Lonegan is a proudly deranged ultra conservative, true, but he does have things to challenge Booker on when it comes to the mayor's record in Newark.

And another tip: If no one has questioned your sexuality, you should probably not try to assert just how straight you are. You just end up sounding...well, you know...