The new modern family

Mary-Kate Olsen is dating Olivier Sarkozy. She’s 26, he’s 42. Here they are in New York the other day with his daughter, a manifestation of the new modern family. Many of you are huffing about her smoking around the kid. I won’t get in the way of that except to say that Miss Sarkozy, given that her father runs in circles where meeting MK Olsen would even be possible, was probably already contaminated before MK entered her life. But by all means, please continue sh-tting on her. And I’ll be over here addressing the issue of walking and smoking. I’ve been known to walk and smoke on occasion. Once my ma the Chinese Squawking Chicken saw me walking and smoking and I heard about it for a week and this was before she quit. Because it’s impossible to walk and smoke without looking super low-classy, isn’t it? Yes, yes, of course, smoking is low-class period, obviously. But the act of walking and smoking is undeniably one of the basest visuals, unfairly worse for women. Look at her here. There’s nothing refined about this - it’s coarse, it’s crude, and it’s impossible to elevate.

As for their compatibility, MK and Olivier, I mean it’s all in line with MK’s life aesthetic isn’t it? She skulks around in black high fashion clothes, aiming for Esoteric like it’s a test score. Because Mary-Kate Olsen can find beauty in the ugly, didn’t you know? Her eye is never centre, her vision is never a straight line, her artistic sensibility cannot be mapped or graphed because it exists on several planes. Is the girl who exclusively loves weird for the sake of loving weird truly that original?

PS. Have you ever seen a man feel better about his very far back hairline?