I've been parked here for the better part of the last 24 hours, hiding in the trees, picking off snakes and IGs as they come out of the woodwork. Because a parked VAMP is like a magnet for moronic blue shirts.

And for some reason, they travel alone. Granted, I'm out here by myself, but I'm part of the special ops team, it's kind of what I do. And what kind of terrorist force dresses their troops in bright blue or, worse, bright red and gold? What environment does that help you blend in to? In the sticks around Silent Castle, it makes you stick out like a sore thumb.

Which makes my collection of scalps pretty substantial. Those tin cans on their heads wouldn't stop a spitball, let alone a bullet. I almost feel bad.

Almost.

The current chump approaching the VAMP might be the dumbest yet.

"Hey! Come out of the vehicle with your hands up!"

Really?

"My partner is covering me, and if you surrender peaceably, we won't hurt you. Much."

Oh my God. What a dork. His jaw explodes, splattering teeth, cheek and blood all over the side of the VAMP. He starts screaming in a way usually reserved for cows in labor. I pull the trigger again and the hollow click reminds me that I left my extra ammo in the VAMP.

I have to get close to collect his scalp anyway, might as well make it personal. In one fluid motion, I leap out of the tree, pull my knife from it's sheathe and tackle the blue shirt to the ground. One quick slash and his screaming stops, his eyes roll into the back of his head and the struggle is over.

A sharp pain on my right shoulder and a loud thud in my ear, followed by a, "What the f-?" lets me know that apparently this snake wasn't alone. I thought he was bluffing.

"You effing whack job! What the hell did you do to him?"

No worse than I'm about to do to you, I think to myself. Despite the fact that my good arm is numb, this snake is in for a rough day. I roll onto my back and kick him in the shin. His fibula gives first, and he howls, another kick finishes the job and his tibia goes too.

He slumps to the ground, screaming at me incoherently. Crawling on top of him, I headbutt him, and feel his teeth cracking under my helmet's force. His nose splits wide open, spewing blood in a sharp, warm, wet sprays over the arch of my helmet.

He pushes up on my chin, trying to get me off of him. A knee to his ribs kills the fight in him pretty completely. These snakes aren't made of much. After softening his ribs up, my knife finds a home there. Twisting and yanking it back out creates a fairly large puddle of blood on the ground.

He's still breathing when I kick his helmet aside and grab a chunk of his greasy hair. My knife touches just under the hairline and his eyes go wide. Doom will like this story. Can't wait to share it with him.

The VAMP starts without complaint on the first try, and I'm headed toward Silent Castle again. It's lonely out here. Can't wait to see some more Joes.