Saturday, 24 July 2010

Blogger have just introduced the 'stats' tab that lets you see your blog traffic, but most importantly, it allows you to see how people accessed your blog. For example, a fair amount of people have stumbled upon my blog from the google search 'how to wear peg leg trousers.' Now I did a post a while back about the ugliness of certain fashion trends. These included peg leg trousers, which I defamed quite heavily. In fact I could rename the post 'the defamation of peg leg trousers.' So some poor sheep has gone out and bought some peg leg trousers, gone on t'internet to find out how to wear them, and pretty much been informed that their shiny new trousers will make them look fat and vile. It's the same story for fur gilets, and jumpsuits.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

Vegetarian shoes. I mean it's one thing to be a vegetarian. I'm far too unsympathetic and ignorant to understand how you could forgo meat for your whole life. But only wearing vegetarian shoes is taking it one step further. First of all, it's unforgivably smug. Like driving a hybrid and solar powering shit - sticking your annoying love for the planet in everyone's faces. They also tend to be hideous. I feel that I can prove that point with the word Crocs, but here are some examples I found on the delightful website Vegetarian Shoes. It claims its shoes are "cruelty free," how vile.
Now this is what happens when you try and make a shoe out of a material other than leather and plastic. Shoes made out of "Vegetan Bucky" must be extremely ugly - there is no other way.
I detest eco-friendliness. It's nauseating. So is the concept of 'organic clothes.' I have become quite adept at avoiding that tell-tale, grainy looking brown paper - the flag of the treehuggers, to whom I am the proud antagonist.

Monday, 12 July 2010

My Glamour magazine the other day came with a free book. In these circumstances you have to ask yourself - why is the book free? After wasting two days of my life reading this piece of literature I realised. The book is free because the book is shit. 'I heart New York' is about everything you might expect it to be about. It involves dating, affairs, and working for a magazine. And shopping. But I somehow found myself reading it voraciously, even hiding away in my room, too ashamed to let anyone see. Maybe I was waiting for it to get good. Maybe I was captivated by the utterly dull writing style. Maybe I wanted to find out if she would choose Tyler or Alex.
I just went on the net-a-porter.com sale, with some insane notion that I might be able to afford something. If there actually something within my price range, I would simply have to buy it. Even if it was made of baby shit:
Even if it was faulty:
Not, however, if it was a poncho.
Personally I prefer my ponchos from The Edinburgh Woolen Mill, which boasts 'luxury cashmere in rainbow colours.' And this beauty of a polo neck: