Opposite work schedule than my fiancé... I can't seem to stay positive with our current schedule!

Jessica - posted on 09/10/2012
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My fiancé and I have opposite work schedules. Monday-Friday I start work 5a - 1:30p, get home at 1:45p, he leaves for work at 2p-11p. Sometimes he works saturdays 1p-8p. While I'm at work he drops our 21 month old off at daycare and goes to school 3 days a week and also picks up our son from daycare. So we only see each other for an hour and 15 min during the week, and most weekends. I know this is a lot more than most people get with their partners, but I definitely feel the blues when its just my son and I. I have put on significant weight in the last year that this has been our schedule. We make the most out of our weekends together and we love each other very much. How do I keep my head up? He has at least 5 years of school ahead of him and it just seems so daunting to me. I know he is trying to get a better job eventually so he can provide better for us, and I'd like to do the same in the future (go back to school and get a better job). But I miss him, I just wish I had the guy to cook dinner for when he came home, or the guy to help me give the baby a bath or put down for bed while I relax. I feel like a single parent during the week. How do I keep doing this? Thank you for letting me have my pity party, I know there are women out there with worse off situations, and I'm sorry. I know how good I have it, but I wish the grass was greener over on my side. Thanks for any motivational words!

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Jessica - posted on 09/28/2012

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I'm in the same boat... except I've been dealing with this for about 8 years so I'm used to it, but it still does bum me out at times and has caused some strains. Actually, the schedule didn't bother me much before we had kids because I could hang out with my friends and when he was home, it was "our" time whereas now it's mostly "errand and kid time." My husband is a paramedic and works the night shift, so even when he is home, he's sleeping (he works 7pm - 7am). I am a child and adolescent therapist so my hours can be pretty wacky too. My husband also works like 6 days a week, so I don't even get to see him most weekends. I feel like a single parent and miss my husband too.

I don't have any great advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I know sometimes I feel alone when my mom friends tell me about all the fun, family time they get to spend with their husbands on the weekends. It stinks, but you'll get through this. When it gets rough, don't feel bad about pouting briefly and then remind yourself of all the blessings you do have (ie. you guys are alive and healthy, you have a beautiful family, etc). I know weekend family getaways always help me if you can afford it. We do weekend getaways about every 3 months. Our usual weekend getways include a trip to the PA Ren Faire, Snowtubing, an amusement park weekend and a weekend in the mountains. Nothing fancy, just time for the family.

I know how you feel; my hubby works from 4:30am-1pm and I work from 3pm-10pm, so I only see him for a few hours, but we do this so we don't have to put our kids in child care (WAAY TOO EXPENSIVE)...but it it hard.

I can totally understand your situation. I work 6am-430pm and my husband works 430pm-late at night. It is so hard to work opposite schedules. We also feel like single parents a lot of the time. Awhile ago it started really wearing on our relationship so we decided to switch our schedule around a little bit. I was able to switch around my work days so our weekends would coincide, now we both have Sundays & Mondays off together. This makes the middle of the week pretty intense but I'm always looking forward to our two days off together. We also got my sister to watch the kids everyother Tuesday and we both work all day that day. Pretty much we just try to maximize our time to be able to spend as much time together as possible. We also got more babysitting in general. It's amazing how much better you feel after a night off with your spouce. It makes it easier to deal with the single parenting.

I have also lowered my expectations as far as housework. If things don't always get done its ok. My house is definately not as clean as I wish it could be but I'm also not fretting over the small stuff.

We also took a nice vacation that was pretty refreshing. I don't know if you and your SO could plan some time off together to go somewhere (or just stay home). Then you would at least have that to look forward to.

We are now expecting our third (I also have a 1 and 3yo) and I know this schedule will be harder than ever with 3 kiddos to take care of. I completely feel for you. I hope it helps to know your not alone out there.

Don't ever be sorry for a pity party! We are entitled to that now and then. In the end we cope and get through...

I used to work an opposite schedule to my husband as well. I went back to work when my son was 1 and had to work 3pm - 11pm while my husband worked 6:30 am - 2:30 pm. I'd drop my son off at my hubbys work and he'd go home from there. On top of that we were just healing from fracture in our marriage. We had serious troubles that we were choosing to work through, though it's tough if you are never together (he also works every other weekend).

In the end I got lucky and my boss wanted me to work days and actually promoted me to another position so I could afford daycare and work days. The day I was told this at work I cried with happiness. Things got much better from then.

I'm sorry I don't really have words of wisdom to help you cope with your current situation. This is what I went through and how I had to deal with it. I don't feel like we would have made it if I wasn't able to work days. I've also gained a significant amount of weight since returning to work and do struggle with health issues too so it seems there is always something challenging me these days. I try to remind myself that everything I face head on and get through will make me stronger and a better mom and wife.

You have your son to ground you and help bond you. Make the absolute most of the time to DO have together and things will work. Have faith in your love and family, and keep your chin up!