"People who don't Think probably don't have brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown into their
heads by mistake." Winnie-The-Pooh/A.A.Milne.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Celebrities- They menstruate, get constipated, and have diamond spew- just like us!!!

Remember when there was a certain decorum between celebrity press and celebrities? Remember old stock footage of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Crawford, Lawford, Garbo? Stars that actually posed graciously, giving the press all the fodder that they needed so that they could graciously back off?

Nowadays, celebrities are so spoiled and so overexposed. There is one section of one of the rag mags that proclaims, "Celebrities, they are just like us!" whilst taking hidden camera photos of celebrities buying Ex-lax and Playtex at the Walgreens, just as we common folk are able to do. The next page of the rag mag was a report on a celebrity spa where all the big playas go, and they feature such fare as the "65 karat diamond facial." This is a facial treatment featuring, and I am not making this up, crushed diamonds. The rather valuable diamond spew is then spread on the surgically enhanced mug of said celebrity, then wiped off, and 65 K of diamonds, enough to feed a third world village until the Second Coming, is dumped into a Beverly Hills trashcan.

I have gotten to the point now where I've gotten a sick pleasure of watching celebrities squirm, and apparently, so does the majority of the public. We've caught on to the fact that they get up in the morning, wipe their bottoms with $100 bills, and most likely are nothing like us. Unfortunately, this morning I had an epiphany, and couldn't stand another tidbit of celeb dish when I heard the latest story of actress Denise Richards.

Denise Richards, who has admitted to the public that she has actually experienced the diamond facial (and I believe her reaction was "It's so great- EVERYONE should try it!") got up the other morning, and like most celebs she wiped her bottom with my yearly salary, then proceeded to heave two laptop computers off a hotel balcony where she was temporarily residing, because a unauthorized photographer was trying to take her picture. The laptops hit two elderly ladies in the hotel lobby, resulting in minor injuries.

I am trying to be less vengeful and overreacting in my thought processes nowadays, but I hope these two old geezers sue the Armani pants off of Richards. And although it will be like dispensing a penny to the blind guy who sells pencils outside of Macy's, Richards will be forced to think about her actions and her need for self-control. Until then, I turned off the morning news, and flipped to PBS. Sesame Street was on. There was a dancing sandwich, and Cookie Monster won cookies on a Name The Letter game show. It made me happy.

An "instinct to protect her safety."?!?!?!? What, does she believe that taking your picture will steal your soul? No, wait that would mean she has a soul.

I think it's about time we common folk rise up against the celebrities and start ignoring them. Maybe then they start to have to use all them millions to pay us to pay attention to them. I'm glad the IRS is gonna start taxing their "goodie baskets". What the hell do you need with a diamond encrusted iPod anyway?

Screw the Denise Richards, the Paris Hiltons, the Britney Spears, the K-Feds and the Anna Nicole Smith's. Let's give the attention to the one's who deserve it, the Patton Oswalts, the Brian Poshens, the Kevin Smiths and the GWARs. The one's who are still down to earth, the ones that don't have outrageous contracts and demands for appearances or shows, they don't mind the publicity and actually give a shit about their fans. But if they start acting like the asses above, then fuck em'.