Leave the porchlight on, ladies - just in time for an Easter nightcap, it's compelling drifters night!

Allow me to introduce Bachelor #1! Hailing from the mid nineteenth century, clad only in the softest leathers, it's Leatherman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leatherman_(vagabond))! Just look at those baseball-glove seams. Leather fetish, anyone?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/87/Leatherman.gif

Allegedly some sort of French or maybe French Canadian, he's a man of few words with a string of boutique cave dwellings at his grubby, unwashed fingertips. Is that a fallen stalactite in his pocket, or is he just happy to see you? It's both!

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Leather not your thing? Don't worry, you're sure to love Bachelor #2. Those of you who love a good mystery and a baby face are guaranteed to fall for Kaspar Hauser (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaspar_Hauser). This petite prince's enigmatic provenance has captivated many a lady's heart. Was he raised by wolves, or by royals?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2f/Kaspar_hauser.jpg

History may never truly know Kaspar Hauser, but for the right price, you certainly can. One thing's for sure: wolves or no wolves, caged in bone beneath the bespoke folds of Kaspar's extra-small shortpants-and-coat ensemble beats the amorous heart of a stallion.

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Still not satisfied? Meet Bachelor #3. If you're a royal-watching dog-lover aching to be kept by inexplicably accepted currency emblazoned with your lover's own face, you need look no further than San Francisco's fabled Emperor Norton (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_A._Norton).

Whether issuing royal edicts our out for a leisurely municipal inspection with Bummer and Lazarus, this self-appointed sovereign is your own personal warbling gondolier through the lighter side of mental breakdown. And just look at those epaulets!

Let the bidding start.

M Sparks

04-09-2012, 05:47 AM

I love that we live in a world where a 19th century hobo has his own Wikipedia bio.