But the Canucks lost 9-1, and that never happens so we should at least try to have a sense of humour about it.

As is the hot topic right now, the officiating in the late …

]]>Sensitive title? Yeah, I know.

But the Canucks lost 9-1, and that never happens so we should at least try to have a sense of humour about it.

(See? Juice gets it!)

As is the hot topic right now, the officiating in the late stages of the Canucks/Ducks game last night was… surprising. I didn’t think I could be surprised again so quickly after the debacle in L.A. on Monday night, but just when I thought I had seen the last 7 minute penalty, Paul Devorski gave us two more.

Only this time with 7:11 left in the game.

(A lot of glasses photoshop today…)

But aside from those calls, and the fact that he called two more garbage penalties while Vancouver was killing off their 7 minute 5-on-3, the officiating in the game wasn’t that bad. Power play opportunities were 6-4 for the Ducks before things got crazy in the third period, but by that point the game was already out of reach.

The referees didn’t beat Vancouver, Anaheim did. Badly. The Canucks just helped make it easier against a Ducks team that hasn’t lost on home ice all season. Even though judging by their last effort against Anaheim they had a puncher’s chance, the Canucks were in trouble and shot themselves in the foot, then in the other foot, then in the hand that wasn’t holding the gun.

The Canucks power play was terrible, and the Ducks are too good to not score, so obviously it lead to a 9-1 rout of a broken, limping Canucks team that had more players in the penalty box/dressing room than on the bench.

They should have just called the game at the 7 minute mark. Or just have Anaheim take a knee and run out the clock.

The game was out of reach WAY before “Penalty-palooza”, and you don’t have to look hard to find things on the Canucks that need immediate fixing. You just need to look past the stripes.

(If Devorski waived off Vancouver’s goal, then maybe that’s too far)

Simple goal-setting exercises can bring immediate returns and lead to focus, clarity and success. Obviously, those are positive things and the Canucks are in need of some positivity right now. So inspired by a 9-1 loss, here are nine goals the Canucks should have heading into tonight’s matchup against the Coyotes.

1. Forget about the Ducks game. It never happened.

Well, obviously it did, but just like an NFL QB, the Canucks need to have an incredibly short memory after the recent losses. You could tell they still carried the Kings game with them into the Ducks game, and as soon as the wheels came off it seemed like they saw Kings jerseys everywhere they looked. The Phoenix game will start tied 0-0, so hopefully the Canucks don’t open the game feeling like their down 8 goals and they need to take drastic measures.

Such as…

2. Stop wild experimentation with the power play.

If something is not working, it needs to be tweaked. Fine, whatever, totally understandable. But there is “trying something out” and then there is “throwing spaghetti on the wall and seeing what sticks”, which is what the power play has been doing the last several games. Kevin Bieksa in front? Yannick Weber on the point? What fever dream bore those ideas?

Keep it simple, big shot on the back end, big body in front. Jason Garrison has the shot, If only we had such a player who could stand in front of the–

3. Park Tom Sestito in front of the net on the PP and keep him there.

Some may call him a “boxing hobo on skates”, but if anything he is a BIG boxing hobo on skates. The Canucks were having success planting his large mass in front of the net, so why did they stop? So what if a shot hits him, he’s tough. If Chris Tanev can handle being pelted by 30 shots a game, surely Sestito can deal with a couple for a minute or so. Even if they are coming from Garrison (which they better be!).

4. Keep up the toughness.

Everyone was disappointed with the Canucks loss on Monday, but the main positive coming out of it was that the Canucks had fire for the first time in what seems like forever. They played like we expect a “Tortorella team” to play, they stuck up for each other and after years of getting pushed around, they pushed back.

Sure they did that a month ago during the Boston game, but hockey memory is short. It was awesome to see on Monday, and slightly less awesome last night. They should keep it going, within reason.

How is that measured? Well for starters….

5. Stop taking 7 minute penalties.

Now that we know these exist, let’s all hope the Canucks have seen the last of them.

Toughness and grit is one thing, but I think all of Vancouver knows that if you try to fight someone, make sure their gloves are off as well. And if they aren’t? Dear god don’t keep punching them!

We can complain all we want as fans about the massive PK’s the Canucks have had to deal with, but honestly the Canucks kept punching players who weren’t fighting back. I wish they were, but they weren’t and Vancouver was left holding the bag and sitting in the penalty box (or in the dressing room).

Sestito can’t play in front of the net if he’s in front of a TV screen.

6. Keep David Booth exactly where he is.

There are some people saying Booth should get another shot with the Sedins after last night, but I am not among them Why not? The guy was the only Canuck who was noticeable on the 9-1 Ducks loss, which is ironic given his penchant for camouflage.

After obviously being frustrated with his recent healthy scratches, “The Man They Call Grizz” played “claws out” last night and should get some time to build on that by staying on the same line with the same line-mates. Don’t rush a guy into getting some “Sedin time” just because he looked good briefly. Whatever Booth was doing last night, it was not broken, so there is no need to fix it.

7. “Ghost” the referees.

First off, I do not mean “kill” them. If you thought I did and you agreed, maybe hockey isn’t your biggest concern right now.

So we’ve learned again what we already knew: there are definitely some refs who don’t seem to care for the Vancouver Canucks. Before Paul Devorski, there was Kelly Sutherland and before him there was Stephane Auger. This isn’t the first time the team has run afoul of a zebra, and it won’t be the last.

Devorski famously said last night (mouthed it anyway, no audio and all that) that someone on the Canucks bench was an f-wording a-hole. Or maybe he meant the entire bench, who knows? Tonight, instead of cursing at the referees and complaining, Vancouver should just passive-agressively ignore them.

Sometimes that is way worse.

8. Score 9 goals.

This is a pretty loft ambition, but you know what? Sometimes you gotta set your sights high. Anaheim showed us all that it was possible last night, so as long as Vancouver stays focused, disciplined and doesn’t throw any punches, this could happen.

Maybe Kesler plays like he’s in Nashville? Maybe the Sedins and Zac Dalpe get a chance to gel without being interrupted by a PK? Maybe Sestito on the power play works and Jason Garrison finds the net? Maybe Zack Kassian and David Booth build on their shutout-ruining performance last night? Perhaps the stars can align and all of those things we’ve been waiting for happen in one game?

Okay, maybe not. Perhaps a more attainable goal…

9. Keep the same goalie in net the entire game.

Last night wasn’t Eddie Lack’s fault, and you can’t help but feel bad for Jaocim Eriksson, but the simplest goals are the easiest to reach. So the Canucks should start there: No chased goalies! Lack has looked rock solid since Roberto Luongo went down with an injury early this month (and also early last month), so even if the Canucks lose 2-1 to Phoenix tonight, at least they will have accomplished one of these goals.

I’d call it a moral victory, but those are worth exactly nothing in the standings. Victory is getting 2 points and having very little to complain about.

Just ask the Ducks. They know.

You can follow j.Bow on Twitter (@jBowmancouver). If the Canucks do all of these things tonight, I will make you all grilled cheese sandwiches. Remember, they have to do ALL these things.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/16/nine-goals-the-canucks-should-have-for-tonights-game/feed/0Canucks+Coyotesjbowman85BieksagrouchoDevorski-hipster ref(If Devorski waived off Vancouver's goal, then maybe that's too far)Canucks/Ducks Post Game Quotes (I Wish Were Real)http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/16/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-3/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/16/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-3/#commentsThu, 16 Jan 2014 17:00:05 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=141310The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you …]]>The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you just want to hear someone go off.

No canned responses about “working hard”, “winning the battles” and “moral victories” (add those up, then add up the losses, see which one shows up on the NHL standings). I would love it if there was a bit more colour in those interviews and players said what they were really thinking.

Frederik Andersen – “I would hate to be on that side of the ice tonight. I don’t think I’ve had 7 minutes of 5-on-3 accumulative in my whole career”.

Ryan Getzlaf – “I can’t talk for long, okay? I have to go place a call to Steve Yzerman and see if he was serious about that Hamhuis guy”.

Corey Perry – “I would have traded at least 3 of our goals for another shot at hitting Alex Edler. This time, with enough of a head start, I think I’d be able to knock him back an inch or two”.

Tim Jackman – “When I fought Sestito, I made the mistake of actually fighting him. Our scouting report said to just do nothing, and he would get one of those new 7 minute penalties”.

Teemu Selanne – “I wasn’t being classy or anything like that after that last goal. After all these years and all these goals, I had finally lost all excitement about scoring. It’s a good thing I’m retiring after this season… probably… maybe…”

Paul Devorski – “Yeah, I know I’m the referee, but I played as big a part in dismantling the Canucks as any player on the Ducks. I didn’t think they’d let me get away with calling two 7 minute penalties with 7 minutes left in the game, then I realized… I’m “they”, so I did it. Hahahah”

Well now that we have heard from EVERYONE on the Ducks that factored into their big win, let’s see just how calm John Tortorella and the Canucks were…

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Head Coach John Tortorella – “You know what? These things happen. I’m not going to give you media guys or the league the satisfaction of blowing my top and freaking out. We’re just gonna put this past us, and focus on the nex- OH MY GOD ARE YOU F***ING SERIOUS!! THEY’RE GONNA KEEP GIVING US PENALTIES IN A 6-0 GAME WHILE KILLING TWO 7 MINUTE PENALTIES?! THAT IS AN OLYMPIC SIZED SWIMMING POOL FULL OF BULLSH**!! PAUL DEVORSKI, I WILL FIGHT YOU!! F*** THAT, I WILL EAT YOUR GODDAMN SOUL FOR WHAT YOU DID TONIGHT YOU STRIPE WEARING, PENALTY CALLING, GAME FIXING, INCOMPETANT PIECE OF MINOTAUR SH**!!!”

Eddie Lack – “Last time the Ducks ruined my birthday, this time they just ruined my day. Comforting to know it wasn’t personal last time and they are equal opportunity day-ruiners”.

Joacim Eriksson – “I’m never playing hockey again. F*** this!”

Henrik Sedin – “Who wants to bet I get a 7 minute hooking penalty during the next game? I’d say it would depend on who the ref is… but it doesn’t”.

Daniel Sedin – “We should could use a moral victory right about now instead of the epic butt kicking we just got. Sorry for swearing, I’m out of my mind with Swedish rage right now”.

Ryan Kesler – “I should have fought Sami Vatanen after scoring that ninth goal, but there were only four of us left on the bench, so it would have been pretty selfish.”

David Booth – “Look, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’, and I know that, but I just want to point out that there is an ‘I’ in ‘I played a good game tonight so we should be talking about that’. Actually, there are quite a few in there”.

Zack Kassian – “It’s going to take all my restraint to not hit any employees next time I go to Foot Locker”.

Jannik Hansen – “I can understand not fighting back against Sestito, but come on. Nobody turtles on Honey Badger”.

Chris Higgins – “Here’s a fun fact for you guys: I actually played tonight. Bet you had no idea, did you? Even more interesting: I’ve been playing for a while now.”

Alex Edler – “It’s nice to be back in the lineup, doing drop passes on the powerplay and being out of position pretty much always, but 10 goals against in 2 games back isn’t helping my trade value… or self-esteem”.

Dan Hamhuis – “The Lapierre hip check seems like forever ago. I’m back in early season form, scoring goals on my own net. All part of my plan to lure Team Sweden and Team USA into a false sense of security for the Olympics. Henrik, Daniel, Kesler and Edler all look at me like I’m an idiot. The plan is working perfectly”.

Jason Garrison – “I got barely four minutes of ice-time in the first period, but hey, at that point they were only up 2-0. Things got A LOT worse when they cut back my ice time”.

Yannick Weber - “Do not let these games be an indication that we should give up on the ‘Yannick Weber Powerplay Experiment’. It is much more beneficial to wait that out than to try the ‘Yannick Weber Utica Experiment’. Trust me”.

Kevin Bieksa – “At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if we started the next game with a 4 minutes double minor from something we did wrong during the warmup”.

(Wouldn’t surprise me at this point)

You can follow j.Bowman on twitter (@jBowmancouver). He already shops at Payless Shoes, so Foot Locker employees are safe.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/16/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-3/feed/0John+Tortorella+quotejbowman85DuckslogoPaul+Devorski+Canucks+biasCanucks logo(Wouldn't surprise me at this point)Canucks out for revenge against birthday-spoiling Duckshttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/15/canucks-looking-for-revenge-against-birthday-spoiling-ducks-instant-rivalry-preview/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/15/canucks-looking-for-revenge-against-birthday-spoiling-ducks-instant-rivalry-preview/#commentsWed, 15 Jan 2014 23:11:24 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=141191A lot of what makes professional sports so much fun to watch is a personal investment in the outcome. You have a your favourite team and players, but on the other side of the ice you have a team that …]]>A lot of what makes professional sports so much fun to watch is a personal investment in the outcome. You have a your favourite team and players, but on the other side of the ice you have a team that gets all of your hate for 60 minutes. They stand in the way of a big win for the team and players you love, and that unleashes such vitriol that it brings about a minor feud, a brief hatred and…

An Instant Rivalry.

Today on “The I.R.” – The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim Ducks

Represented here by a logo that can’t decide which era of the team it belongs in:

Championships seem to be the first thing fans point to when discussing one teams dominance, so let’s get that out of the way first, shall we?

Stanley Cups – Ducks: 1 / Canucks: almost 2

Just like the Bruins, Kings and Blackhawks, the Canucks were decent enough to give the Ducks their patented “Championship Rub” (don’t google that if you’re at work) way back in 2007.

But it isn’t just the NHL title they have over the Canucks. When you break it down and look at the other big things the Ducks have won, they really make Vancouver look like a bunch of losers.

Minnesota Pee-Wee Hockey Championships – Ducks: 1 / Canucks: 0

Junior Goodwill Games Gold Medals – Ducks: 1 / Canucks: 0

Beating the Varsity – Ducks: 1 / Canucks: 0

On second thought, the Ducks may be the most accomplished team in the history of ever.

RECENT HISTORY:

These two teams met on January 5th (oddly enough right after the Canucks played the Kings) and the Ducks did something horrible and unforgivable. It was the rough weekend for Vancouver goalies, as Roberto Luongo was injured by Dustin Brown on Saturday, but the Ducks did something even more heinous and rage-inducing on Sunday.

They spoiled Eddie Lack’s birthday!

The Big Story Everyone is Talking About:

After “The Battle of Los Angeles” on Monday night in which the Canucks had a 9 minute PK to start the game, a lot has been made of the new toughness and aggression Vancouver has.

Either way you look at it, the Canucks and everyone related to them have intense fire right now.

With this new fire and a tough loss on Monday, expect the Canucks to play a more physical game as they look for retribution. If you think Dustin Brown had a target on his back, just imagine what the Canucks have planned for Corey Perry. He made the happiest goalie in the world sad on his special day.

(The payback party is tonight. Bring streamers)

Although not one known for his toughness, former healthy scratch David Booth will be back in the Canucks lineup tonight. He might not be a fighter, but we all know he has killer instinct. Just ask the animal kingdom.

EX-CANUCKS BEHIND ENEMY LINES:

Nobody.

Moving on…

BEST MOMENT IN CANUCKS VS. DUCKS HISTORY:

Unquestionably the epic, 13-round shootout on October 30th, 2008

MASCOT COMPARISON:

The Canucks have Fin, an anthropomorphic Orca Whale who has never appeared in a cartoon show.

(In case you aren’t sure, Fin is the one in this pic who is awesome)

Anaheim has Wild Wing, an anthropomorphic duck that loves fist bumps and looks like a roid-raged, juiced up version of Howard The Duck.

FUN FACTS:

– The Mighty Ducks were created by Disney after their highly successful “Mighty Ducks” film. You should already know this, because I have referenced it at least 8 times already and will continue to do so.

– Entered the league via expansion in 1993 along with the Florida Panthers who according to my records still exist. I will have to check on that though.

– Had to pay the Los Angeles Kings $25 million before entering the league in order to share Southern California. No word if part of that money was supposed to be used on duct tape to make a line down the center of SoCal, just so it’s clear who can like the Ducks and who can like the Kings.

– During the Ducks expansion draft, the first two players selected were goalies Guy Hebert and Glenn Healy (ha! even a backup in the draft). Healy was picked up by the Tampa Bay Lightning the following day and then traded to the New York Rangers LATER that day, where he enjoyed a nice view from the bench when they beat the Canucks in the Stanley Cup finals in ’94. He then went on to be the second-worst guy ever.

– Their first pick (4th overall) in the 1993 NHL entry draft was Vancouver’s own Paul Kariya.

(YEAAAHHHH!)

– The entire payroll of the first Mighty Ducks team was only $7.9 million. In today’s NHL that could buy you a Sedin, a Staal and 4 shifts from Steven Stamkos.

– The Mighty Ducks’ first game was at home on October 8th, 1993 against the Detroit Red Wings. Showing they had their priorities set from day one, the game was preceded by a 20-minute pregame show that cost $450,000 (or the same amount as their entire 3rd and 4th lines).

– Because a hockey team didn’t fulfill Disney’s need for cartoons, Disney subsequently madean animated series called “Mighty Ducks” featuring a fictional Mighty Ducks of Anaheim team that consisted of anthropomorphized ducks led by the Mighty Duck Wildwing. Yeah, it happened.

– Disney lost their freaking minds in 1995 when it decided to include Wild Wing on its third jersey. I don’t even have words for this…

(Wait, I found a word: “Garbagewater”)

– As a tie-in with the upcoming Olympics in Nagano, the Canucks played the Ducks in the first two games of the 97-98 season in Tokyo, Japan. The two teams split the series one game each, and have spent the last 16 years trying to schedule a rubber match.

– Lost in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals to the New Jersey Devils in 2003, but goalie J.S. Giguere (and his gigantic pads!) still won the Conn Smythe (playoff MVP) award.

– Disney sold the team in 2006. They now own Marvel Comics and Star Wars, so I think things turned out pretty okay for them.

– Until 2006, the team was still called “The Mighty Ducks of Anaheim”. New ownership (and ex-Canucks GM Brian Burke) decided it was time to stop being mighty, and start being real. They won the Stanley Cup a year later.

– Defeated the Ottawa Senators for their first (and only) Stanley Cup. Sadly the Sens did not have any players from Iceland on their roster at the time. That would have been a great story.

– To honour their roots, the Ducks wore their throwback jerseys for one night only at the start of this season.

(Bad ass)

– 18 years ago, the Ducks first traded for Teemu Selanne from the Winnipeg Jets. 18… years… ago.

– Contrary to popular belief, Head Coach Bruce Boudreau is NOT a fully grown up baby.

(He does want his “bah bah” though. But he should learn to use his words)

– The original name of the first movie was “The Mighty Ducks are the Champions”, because Disney stopped giving a single f*** about spoilers. It still appears as the title in the UK.

– Bill Murray was supposed to play Gordon Bombay instead of Emilio Estevez, but was deemed too old (which is ridiculous, because Bill Murray could have played Charlie Conway if he wanted to).

How about this underrated gem of a speech from “Mighty Ducks 3″ aka “The one where they learn how to play defense”

Also, aside from the cartoon series, the Ducks provided this video for the NHL Awards in 2010 which is absolutely hilarious.

Sadly we won’t get a sequel, because Bobby Ryan didn’t make the US Olympic Team this time around.

CELEBRITY DOPPLEGANGER:

Even though they only kind of look-alike, I’m going with Ben Lovejoy and Reverend Tim Lovejoy.

(If you squint… kinda, yeah)

COMPLIMENT SANDWICH:

I always liked Paul Kariya.

I don’t like how the Ducks brought back their old-school throwback uniforms for only one night this season. They bring up fond memories of triple dekes. Knucklepucks and horrible goalies named Goldberg.

I like how not even being next to Snoop Dogg can make Gary Bettman likeable.

(Sadly, the amount of busted caps in this photo is zero)

You can follow j.Bow on Twitter (@jBowmancouver). Final count on Mighty Ducks references unavailable due to high volume.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2014/01/15/canucks-looking-for-revenge-against-birthday-spoiling-ducks-instant-rivalry-preview/feed/0Canucks-vs-Ducksjbowman85700px-DucksAlternate.svg(some were not prepared for it)(The payback party is tonight. Bring streamers)(In case you aren't sure, Fin is the one who is awesome)WildWing(YEAAAHHHH!)(Wait, I found a word: garbagewater)(Bad ass)(He does want his bah bah though. But he should use his words)(Chris Pronger heavily detracts from the awesomeness of this photo)(Dustin Penner: Pancake-eater)(If you squint... kinda, yeah)(Sadly, the amount of busted caps in this photo is zero)Canucks/Ducks Post Game Quotes (I Wish Were Real)http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/#commentsSun, 20 Jan 2013 17:30:39 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=104050For those unfamiliar with FPGQ (fake post game quotes, easier acronym than PGQIWWR), this is a regular post game feature I write that is completely made up and in no way represents the actual views or opinions of the players …]]>For those unfamiliar with FPGQ (fake post game quotes, easier acronym than PGQIWWR), this is a regular post game feature I write that is completely made up and in no way represents the actual views or opinions of the players named below.

Now to quickly check in with our lawyer to make sure that will keep us lawsuit free for the rest of the season:

Sweet! Back to our regularly scheduled Bowgramming:

The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you just want to hear someone go off.

No canned responses about “working hard”, “winning the battles” and “making the necessary adjustments” (tonight’s adjustment would have been methamphetamine). I would love it if there was a bit more colour in those interviews and players said what they were really thinking.

Stuff like this:

Anaheim Ducks

Head Coach Bruce Boudreau – “We just f*$%ing went out there and f&$%ing did our f#^$ing jobs tonight. Also, I’m aware I look like a giant f&#%ing baby, so stop trying to get me to hold that f&#$ing rattle”.

Jonas Hiller – “Every road goalie was told to let in at least 2 goals for the home fans tonight, so really I only got scored on once”.

Ryan Getzlaf – “I’m not sure what those Green guys were talking about with their Rogaine dig at me. I’m pulling this look off.”

Corey Perry – “I was rumored to be traded for that guy?! And Raymond?! C’mon man”

Adam Banks – “I love eating cake”.

Teemu Selanne – “With George Parros gone, we all needed to pick up the slack, so I’ve taken it upon myself to grow some douchey facial hair.”

Sheldon Souray – “Whoa, I’m on the Ducks now? When the hell did that happen?”

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Head Coach Alain Vigneault – “Were we under prepared? Maybe a little. Our scouting report said Selanne retired in 2010, so…we didn’t really plan on having to check him”.

Cory Schneider – “So one bad game and everybody hates you, that pretty much the standard attitude around here?”

Roberto Luongo – (shouting from across the room) “How funny would it have been if Tyler Bozak was your backup, Schneids?”

Daniel Sedin – “Unfortunately we only prepared for this game by scrimmaging with ourselves. We were in trouble the moment we realized we weren’t playing the Grey Canucks team. All that scouting for nothing.”

Alex Burrows – “In retrospect, my offseason training regimen of ‘being an adorable little scamp’ might not have been the best way to get back in game shape”.

Ryan Kesler – “Enough about the game. Did you know for this week only Save-On-Foods is offering a buy one, get one free deal on select deli meats?”

Kevin Bieksa – “47-1 will still look pretty impressive come August. Wait, we have to play 48 games in how many months? Sh*t…”

Alex Edler - “I could barely hear the coaches instructions over the sound of the cash register in my head”.

Mason Raymond – “Don’t even start. I know it happened. We all saw it. Shut up.”

Keith Ballard – “I bet you $400 I get blamed for this. You can pay me tomorrow. I’ll be in the press box”.

Aaron Volpatti – “I did more for the #15 tonight that Tanner Glass ever did”.

Maxim Lapierre – “Just in case the fans were wondering, I still play here. In fact, I was on the ice tonight, just in case they weren’t aware of that”.

Chris Higgins – “I don’t know how many times I’m going to be able to use this to dodge interview questions, but….(lifts up shirt to reveal 9 pack abs)… satisfied?”.

Dan Hamhuis – “I don’t know if I can handle the pressure of being tied for the lead in Canucks scoring, but today is a good day to invest in Hamhuis!”

David Booth – “Ow”.

Jason Garrison – “Okay… maybe I’m not your white knight”

You can follow j.Bowman on twitter (@jBowmancouver). Win or lose, hockey is back and that is awesome. You can quote him on that.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real-2/feed/0Schneiderquote2jbowman85SaulGoodman175.AnaheimDucksThirdLogoOrange.tophockeywallpapers.1365x1024Canucks logoDieHardJasonGarrisonAnd Boom Goes the Dynamite: Ducks vs Canucks, January 19thhttp://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/and-boom-goes-the-dynamite-ducks-vs-canucks-january-19th/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/and-boom-goes-the-dynamite-ducks-vs-canucks-january-19th/#commentsSun, 20 Jan 2013 09:12:07 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=104039NHL hockey is back, folks! Well, not in Vancouver, but I hear in other cities they got to see NHL hockey! Sadly all I saw last night was a TimBits Tots training camp being hosted by the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, …]]>NHL hockey is back, folks! Well, not in Vancouver, but I hear in other cities they got to see NHL hockey! Sadly all I saw last night was a TimBits Tots training camp being hosted by the Anaheim Mighty Ducks, but I hear the Canucks might show up tomorrow to play Edmonton, which should be fun! Wait, what? Those were the real Canucks tonight? Oh boy…

Well, we might as well dive head on into this one, and see what we can come up with.

Dr. Recchi’s Dissection of the Game:

- Goalies sucked

- Defence sucked

- Forwards sucked

- That 50/50 seller in section 115 sucked

- The powerplay was ok

- Penalty kill was the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked

- Canucks are the worst team in the entire world. I hope they all get beaten with a bag of oranges, and tripped down three flights of stairs. Not four flights of stairs, because I am no monster, but definitely three flights of stairs.

Wyatt’s Game Breakdown

Thank you for that Dr. Recchi, your unbiased opinion is always welcome.

Before we get into a breakdown of the game, I just want to say how interesting human psychology in sports can be. “Everyone loves the backup” mentality meets “humanizing” has made the Luongo situation extremely fun to watch for me. As Canucks fans can attest, over the years in Vancouver, the back up has always received a lot of love. (This isn’t a Vancouver-centric thing, I am just using Vancouver to showcase it). Arturs Irbe, Backup Bob Essensa, Dan Clout….ok, well most backups have received love because expectations are lower for them, and they usually come into mop-up scenarios where the game is already out of hand, so nobody blames them for any further mistakes. It’s the same thing that happens when your house catches on fire, usually you’re pretty excited to see the firemen. Even if the firemen end up catching on fire themselves, you’re still happy they showed up to try and put out the flames…(I admit that analogy may have gotten away from me.)

Roberto Luongo, currently the Canucks “backup”, also had a summer of humanizing himself to the fans of Vancouver. Breaking through the cliches of sports interviews, Roberto Luongo came alive on twitter, interacting with people on twitter, cracking jokes about himself and others, and generally coming across as a really cool laid back guy. It’s like when your older brother invites you to come with him to a party instead of just dunking your head in the toilet all the time, you kind of look at him in a new light. (I nailed that analogy).

As a result, there was a feeling in the building at Roger’s Arena when Schneider was pulled, and Luongo was called into action in the second period of the game. Luongo has long been a target for fans to vent their frustrations on over the years, as the high profile position of being a goaltender doesn’t really allow for hiding in the shadows. After a summer of interacting with the fans, and having half a year of people realizing Luongo was probably going to get moved, it feels like it gave people time to reflect upon Luongo’s time here. This reflection was turned into a rousing ovation for Luongo when he entered the game against the Ducks, and people all around were genuinely happy to see Luongo enter the game. Not in a “get Schneider out of there, he sucks!’ kind of way (ok fine, that one guy yelling “SCHNEIDER SUCKS” probably was thinking that), but in a “we respect what you’ve done for us in Vancouver, Roberto, and we want to show our thanks” kind of way.

I only got a minor in psych, though, so what do I know. All I do know, though, is that it was really nice to see Luongo in a Canucks jersey play for the team again, and regardless of what happens, I am happy people got a chance to cheer him on in the Orca one more time.

Onto the game!

The Good:

- The Canucks powerplay actually scored.

- The Canucks powerplay didn’t rely on the drop pass

- Uh…. The Canucks powerplay scored?

- 50% off all Team Store merchandise!

- $1 nachos and hotdogs!

- 1 free beer to every adult!

- If you can forget the fact it was against Vancouver, it was neat seeing Teemu Selanne get 4 points! (sigh)

The Bad

- The Canucks effort tonight was just not there. Too many times they lost a puck battle or got outworked by the Ducks. For a team missing two of it’s higher skill players in Booth and Kesler, relying purely on skill to win games isn’t going to cut it

- Mason Raymond fell down on his first shift of the game. This just made me laugh.

- Cory Schneider did not play well, as he couldn’t fight off the puck in some puck battles in his crease. Now to be fair to Cory, his team didn’t help him out at all, but Cory didn’t make one big save all night, so some of this rests on him

- The Canucks defense wasn’t much better, as they struggled to transition the puck to their forwards. Jason Garrison looked out of place, which is to expected for a new player playing in a new system, but even Hamhuis and Bieksa, and Tanev and Ballard had their moments of terrible communication on the ice.

- The forwards were also terrible (damn it, Dr. Recchi might have been right all along), as they didn’t forcheck, they didn’t back check, they didn’t do much of anything. Occasionally they had an ok shift, but for the most part, it was just sloppy hockey

The Ugly

- Sarah McLachlan sang the national anthem instead of Mark Donnelly. I am pretty sure this loss is 85% her fault.

- The Ducks used the triple deke and the flying V all night long. I am pretty sure this has to be illegal.

- There were no Zack Kassian t-shirts in the large size at the Team Store. I am pretty sure this loss is 15% on the Team Store

- Those cheap beers and nachos lead to various people expunging them from their body after the game around Roger’s Arena. This is as ugly as it gets. Just because nachos are a $1, it doesn’t mean you should go back for thirds and fourths.

- The term “goalie controversy” is about to be thrown at people every other second of the day in Vancouver for the next while

What should we take away from this game? Not a whole lot. I know in a shortened season, all the losses become more important, but the Canucks weren’t going to go undefeated on the season. Was it hard to take because the Canucks got their butts whooped so convincingly by the Ducks? Of course it was. Was it hard to take that Vancouver’s two star goaltenders were anything but tonight? You bet it was. But it was just one game, and that is a small sample size to make any judgments on. All you can do is make a mental note of the warning signs you saw in game one, then throw them in everyone’s faces if the persist through twenty games.

“I told you Lapierre wasn’t back checking hard enough, I saw this back in game one!” declared NucksFanTOTHEMAX triumphantly.

]]>http://blogs.theprovince.com/2013/01/20/and-boom-goes-the-dynamite-ducks-vs-canucks-january-19th/feed/1Roberto Luongo (right) and Cory Schneiderkidr0lldr_recchiwyattCanucks/Ducks Post Game Quotes (I Wish Were Real)http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/04/04/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real/
http://blogs.theprovince.com/2012/04/04/canucksducks-post-game-quotes-i-wish-were-real/#commentsWed, 04 Apr 2012 17:18:09 +0000http://blogs.theprovince.com/?p=69192The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you …]]>The main issue I have with post game coverage is the general lack of personality conveyed by the majority of the league. The NHL has some of the classiest athletes and coaches in all of professional sports, but sometimes you just want to hear someone go off.

No canned responses about “working hard”, “winning the battles” and “not showing our hand” (C’mon AV, what is up with Bieksa? Is it the yips? You can tell us if it’s the yips). I would love it if there was a bit more colour in those interviews and players said what they were really thinking.

Stuff like this:

ANAHEIM DUCKS

Head Coach Bruce Boudreau – “… well f#%$!!!”

Jonas Hiller – “Sure, they scored 4 times on my, BUT I got to stay in the game, so that’s something I guess”.

Corey Perry – “I say it after every loss, but at least we didn’t have to play Iceland”.

Ryan Getzlaf – “Nice to get my first road goal since October. I score on the road less than a folk band’s touring accountant”.

Teemu Selanne – “Somewhere in Finland there is a painting of me that’s getting worse at hockey”.

Saku Koivu – “I wish Teemu the best of luck. He better retire. I want to be the old Finnish guy on this team who might/might not hang it up for once. Guy is killing me”.

Sheldon Brookbank – “Ugh, I feel terrible about trying to catch that puck and knocking it into the net. If I was a Columbian soccer player, I would move to Mexico”.

VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Head Coach Alain Vigneault – “When we were down 4-2 I called a timeout and told the boys Anaheim was still fighting for a playoff spot. It worked tonight, the Ducks are a good team, but it’s gonna be tough to convince them of that Saturday vs. Edmonton”.

Cory Schneider – “Why are you even asking me about the game, don’t you know my girlfriend is tweeting about it right now?” (All reporters feverishly check their phones. Schneider shakes his head in disgust).

Henrik Sedin – “When is it funny to start pretending Daniel never existed?”

Alex Burrows – “It’s great having Maxy out there, you know. Being the second most hated player on the ice really opens things up for me”.

Maxim Lapierre – “I’m just saying, Lappy on the 4th line? Impact. Lappy on the top line? Impact. You want a real goalie controversy? You know where to find it”.

David Booth – “Sorry about the penalty shot, everyone. I can relate. Finding out I don’t score on every penalty shot is like when I found out unicorns weren’t real. It was a rough night for all of us”.

Chris Higgins – “C’mon, someone had to tell him. I think we let it go on long enough. He was looking up Unicorn Farms on his iphone”.

Mason Raymond – “I slipped the camera guy $50 to zoom in on me when I’m on the ice for a goal. I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling replays”.

Kevin Bieksa – “When I finally get my f&%ing water heater fixed, that is when I’ll stop taking maintenance days”.

Roberto Luongo – “In my defense, someone told our d-men the slot in front of the net was lava and if they touch it they’ll get burned. I thought they had outgrown that ”.

(It isn't the first time that's happened. At least Edler cares about Toews' safety)

You can follow j.Bowman on twitter (@jBowmancouver). He never once touched the lava. He was THAT good.