My niece is awesome, first of all. She's rocked several sets of dreads in her young age... dressed like the undead and danced to Thriller for her school talent show (she was 5 at the time, at a very conservative school. It was such a proud moment. Some other little girl saw her and ran away terrified and sobbing... I had to laugh, I'm terrible!!) and every year for their x-mas recital she has me install festive loose KK streaks for her.

The other day she told me she wanted a mohawk. My first though was "RAD!" but I had to keep it cool and tell her she needed to talk to her mom about it. A few days later I get a text at 8:00am that says "Adena is sobbing in the shower because I told her she couldn't have a mohawk... am I being unreasonable?"

Which made me think, actually. On the one hand I think it's really important for kids to express themselves in healthy ways like that. I was never allowed to, and I think it would have been helpful for me emotionally as a kid. On the other hand, the school she goes to is quite conservative, and she (being the wonderfully odd little monkey that she is) struggles some with making friends already. I worry that it may attract bad attention, especially from other parents, and especially because she's female. I also worry that her teacher would treat her differently, which enrages me to consider but it's a very real possibility.

I have an idea what I would say to her if she were my daughter... but I was curious what you would do or have done with your kids!!

ETA: We ended up opting for some fun color instead of a hawk. I think It looks awesome and she is sooooooo thrilled.
these are huge and will probably get cut off, but you'll get an idea.

Last edited by ..::AtomicLox::.. on Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Personally if my daughter really wanted it, I'd do it...a mohawk can be worn down and look relatively normal anyway if done in the right way.

I was always allowed to do what I liked with my hair, and as long as it's within school rules, I don't see the problem. I'm sure you might get silly comments at school but kids make silly comment about anything and everything.

Seth asked for "a spike down the middle" of his head when he was 4. The barber looked at me (I had my hair tied back at the time) and he said: Oh, yeah & you're not influencing this whatsoever.

I wasn't. That was the hair cut he wanted & that's what he got. In fact he'd had a hawk from aged 4 right up til last year some time when his mop of hair became too much for him to handle during kickboxing & he asked for it to be shaved off.

I've done what I wanted with my hair for a very long time, mother bought me my first box dye when I was around 10 and I was doing my own for about the age of 12.

I can also understand the conservative part too though, the school I went to in SA had very high standards - my brother was suspended for having a step hair cut, so he shaved it all off & then it as too short so he had to stay off school until it was a few mm long. I had a baby undercut at that school - from ear to ear & I showed my registration teacher, she told me to never tie my hair back at school because other teachers may not be so understanding.

Perhaps you could meet her half way Krissie? What about a faux hawk? Y'know corn row the sides? Although....saying that Willow Smith had a hawk & she's recently just shaved all her hair off (I think she might be copying me!!!)

Whatever, I think your sister needs to explain a little more as to why she has said no, rather than just saying no. It's the least she can do.

I was never told I couldn't do something. Expression is a necessity of us all. Saying no is like caging a wild animal - it'll get annoyed and try to escape.

I'm gonna stop rambling now.

*~*~*~*~*Saaaaaaspie-doo-be-doo-bedooooo is awwwwweeesoooooome*~*~*~*~*-ScarletLady

Exactly...nothing wrong with some guidance...and obviously if something is completely against the rules that can be explained, but I personally think children should be encouraged to express themselves.

I absolutely agree, I wasn't allowed to do ANYTHING interesting and if I so much as considered a conversation with my mother about say, a piercing or coloring my hair blue, I would get the answer "I don't want to talk about anything controversial" or "you just want to do that because you're young and your friends will think it's cool". You can imagine how much shit I give her for that now! IN YO FACE, MOM! <3 She FINALLY understands.

Adena will be turning 7 in a few weeks. So much of me just wants to tell her to go for it in a big way, and fuck what anyone else says. Were she living with me, that's probably how we'd roll. I'd likely make her wait a month or so to make sure she REALLY wanted it (7 year olds can be so fickle) and then go wild.

One of the biggest issues is that she and her mom live with her grandpa, who I'm more than positive would be disapproving. there's more to this that I'm happy to PM about, I can't really get in to it here.
Other than that, there are no rules about hair at her school, but people are really not very nice here. We live in an area that's split down the middle between money and complete ignorance (and a lot of times both at once). I've literally had little girls come up and ask me about my hair at her school, and their parents take their hands and drag them away muttering 'don't talk to strangers' rather than look me in the eye and say hello. Like I'm going to bite them or something! I just worry about it damaging her self esteem I guess, but at the same time, a lesson in being proud of being different would probably do her a world of good as well.

I wish I could cornrow! I seriously can't wrap my head around it, otherwise I'd jump on it!

I knooooow it's so embarrassing!!! Seriously I hang my head in shame. AND I specialize in extensions. It's pathetic, truly.

We call that a "french braid" and I can manage but I'm total shit at it. They always come out messy and a bit lopsided. I really need to invest in a long-hared mannequin and just sit for three days and get it straight.

woolhairhabit wrote:Word to the wise. A Franch braid is merely an inside-out cornrow. For french braid, plait over. For cornrow, plait under.

Indeed! I can only manage them when they're larger, and even then I have trouble. It's only a matter of re-wiring my brain (and probably growing some fingernails, would help), seeing as I'm the fastest braider in all the land as long as they don't need to be stuck close to the head! 7-strand plait? Fishtail? No problem! cornrow? fail.

I applaud your niece! It's hard to have that much confidence and be so sure of who she is at such a young age. I would say as long as it didn't break any school guidelines and she fully understood that it's a big chance and won't be easy to go back, then I would let her. If her mom is still concerned, maybe start with more of a fauxhawk style.

My son will be 7 in March and has had a mohawk since he was 3 months. It's been blue for about a year. I'm not going to say the mohawk for the little girl is a bad idea, but it's really not a good one either. Mom needs to be ready to go through HELL to protect her from criticism, rude questions, and snide comments about her parenting skills. It seems like you could just say fuck what everyone else thinks, but it really gets hard, especially for the kid. The child is made to feel like they did something wrong when they didn't, and schools are not that accepting (at least where I am). There may not be anything specific against it in the dress code, but a school still has the right to say no if it is a distraction to other students.

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes" --- bumper sticker---

The other issue is that many schools, especially secondary school do not allow 'exaggerated hairstles' for instance, boys that have tramlines are sent home in our school and any streaks of colour or bright hair dye are also sent home and told to change it.

We would allow braids and weaves that weren't too over the top.

The kids hated it when I was allowed ruby red hair for a year!

It all secondary schools are strict but a lot will be. I hate it. I hate that I can't wear my hair how I want and the kids can't either.

I was going to say "WILLOW SMITH". But I think the only reason she gets away with it is because she's African American (that and she is Will Smith's daughter). Not to be racist or anything, but a little girl with Afro hair can have their hair braided, dreadlocked or shaved completely at a young age and not be criticised because of their hair's texture (parents wouldn't want to use those heavy chemical hair relaxers on a child, so they manage their hair by braiding/locking/shaving it), but a girl of any other race/hair type is frowned upon because they're supposed to have pony/pigtails and feminine haircuts. I mean, individual braids were ok as a lot of girls got their hair braided in Bali or Fiji, but anything else was out of the ordinary.
I had French neighbours once whose daughter was adopted from Congo. She had very short hair (because of how coarse and curly it was) and it wasn't a problem, but I got teased and called a boy when I had short hair.

The reason Willow Smith gets away with it is that she was born rich and famous and her image is worth dollar, however she looks. If Miley Cyrus had fancied shaving out panels, I think she would have got away with it too.

woolhairhabit wrote:The reason Willow Smith gets away with it is that she was born rich and famous and her image is worth dollar, however she looks. If Miley Cyrus had fancied shaving out panels, I think she would have got away with it too.

I happen to agree... and also as much as I am not fond of Miley Cyrus, she would have looked awesome with a hawk!
Lara, you have a good point too, as far as social acceptance goes. I often get asked why I do my hair "like black people". You can imagine the look that washes over my face! I can only guess that children (while much more innocent in their curiosities) would make similar comments.

Adena's pretty stellar when it comes to comprehension beyond her years, but I don't know if she's emotionally ready to process the kinds of remarks that would arise just yet. It took some talking down, which was so hard for me because I always tell her how I feel about appearances and how that expression is so healthy... and she just can't quite understand yet. I think waiting a year or two, or even just waiting for summer break is the best option for her. We compromised on bleaching half her fringe and a chunk of her face-framing (on the same side), and coloring it hot pink. ^_^ A child after my own heart, truly. As long as her mom okays it, I promise pictures when we get finished!

There's plenty of time for Hawks and things once she's older.
I'm currently trying to talk my friend's daughter out of bleaching her hair...it's REALLY dark and I just know it's going to start a hair-destroying journey