MaryAnn Murtha: It's hard for some to say they're from Newtown

Published 4:11 pm, Saturday, March 2, 2013

In January, the suggestion was made that we call the Sandy Hook School tragedy 12/14 in order to memorialize both the date and the number of innocent children and educators we lost that day: 12+14=26.

In February, the suggestion was made that we call the shooting 12/14, because we who mourn need to own that date, the day when everything changed. It cannot and must not blend into our nation's calendar.

Now it's March, and here's another reason to call the tragedy 12/14: Do it for our little ones.

More Information

What do you think?Respond to this opinion piece in a Letter to the Editor, 300 words maximum, to letters@newstimes.com; or Where I Stand, 700 words maximum, to jsmith@newstimes.com; or shoot a quick You Said It, maximum 50 words, to YouSaidIt@newstimes.com. Be sure to provide your full name, town and a telephone number to contact you. The number will not be published.

Picture this: It's Thirsty Thursday, and they're showered, dressed up and out with friends.

Someone they've never met asks, "Where ya from?" When the students say, "Newtown," there is an awkward silence, and sometimes the morbid questions: "Did you know the shooter?" "Did you know anyone who died?" And the most painful one: "Did it really happen?"

So, what do Newtown's college students say when they don't want to tell folks where they're from? Some hedge and say they're from nearby. Some lie and say they're from Danbury. Others dodge.

It's not that they're ashamed. Far from it -- they're proud of Newtown. Strong. They just want to escape the creepy questions.

Students from other colleges have shared the same thoughts. They quip, "Raise your hand if you want to be the big downer at the party."

Newtown seniors, wintering in Florida, echo the same sentiments.

Our current college students are stuck with this problem, because 12/14 happened weeks ago, and Newtown is in the news more often than your heart beats.

But what about our little ones? Do we want our second-graders to go off to college and revisit the grief? Do we want them to face questions the way the kids from Columbine must, even though many were 6-year-olds when the gunmen let loose, murdering 13 and injuring 21?

A family member of one of our victims reached out to support the idea of 12/14, as have many others. Yet, some are against it, even though they're short on alternatives.

So, here's a quiz for you on the top seven arguments against calling the tragedy 12/14. True or false? (One or more right answers gives you an A+.)

1 Newtown will be remembered not for the tragedy, but for coming together.

FALSE: According to a public relations professional who works with Bono (yes, that Bono), most people won't take the time to focus on our goodness. Like it or not, it's juicier to read about us bickering over the Zip codes of those beautiful children singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

2 The train already left the station.

FALSE: The media have not settled on a single name for the tragedy, although "Newtown" seems to be in the lead, as in, "We don't want another Newtown." A local mom wrote, "When my 10-year-old first heard the news referring to this as `Newtown,' his response was, `That is just wrong. It is not Newtown. It is what happened in Newtown.' Out of the mouths of babes." That's one smart boy.

To draw on the transportation metaphor, the word train comes from the Latin word "trahere" which means to pull or draw. The idea is to pull the name of the tragedy away from the name of the town.

I like to think of the term 12/14 as "The Little Engine that Could," where the sweet and determined blue train, full of toys, chugged over the mountain, a seemingly impossible task, saying, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

3 There were 27 murders that day.

TRUE: But the single, horrific act of domestic violence is not what made 12/14 a national tragedy; the 26 innocents lost at SHES did.

4 We don't want our town to be a number.

TRUE: We're memorializing the date and the number of victims; we are not renaming our parade-loving, flag-waving, determined community.

5 It will ruin Dec. 14th birthdays.

FALSE: Take a lesson from my sister, Sally. Her birthday is Dec. 7th, Pearl Harbor Day, when more than 2,400 Americans were killed in 1941. We celebrate Sally; we honor the fallen. There's room for both.

6: 12/14 doesn't roll off the tongue.

TRUE: But we can get used to it, just like we got used to saying 9/11.

7: If we call it 12/14, we'll have to remember the date every year.

TRUE: But were you thinking we would forget? Not a chance. Our world was shattered, and we will remember. Promise.

The term 12/14 isn't political, and it doesn't cost a penny. It memorializes the date and those we've lost. It's good for our children and for our community's future.

Doubtful we can make this happen? Recall the Little Engine that Could: "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can," and call it 12/14.

MaryAnn Murtha teaches communication at Western Connecticut State University in Danbury. She is a resident of Newtown.