How to Date Out of Your League

The holy grail of dating is to actually find a girl who’s hot but is still willing to go out with you. And as you’ve already figured out, that’s really hard. But even if you’re not as attractive or as suave as that friend who has so much sex you want to punch him, even if you “have no game,” there are a few ways to tip the scales in your favor. These aren’t magic bullets. They’re practical, actionable things that you can do to help you snag that gorgeous girl who it turns out has low enough self esteem to actually go for you.

1. Actually Ask Girls Out on Dates

Look, you can’t date out of your league if you don’t have the balls to actually ask a girl out on a date. Sure, you might be able to get lucky at a party with a drunk girl, but as you’ve already experienced, it’s harder to do that consistently than you fantasized about in high school. So many guys whine inwardly about not being a chick-magnet and forget it’s because they don’t actually put themselves out there and talk to any girls.

If you want to date a girl who’s out of your league, you have to man up and make a move. Just talk to her. If you already know her, ask her if she wants to go out to dinner; if you don’t, ask for her number. And I hate to say it, but the Swingers rule is true: don’t call her right away. Don’t be Jon Favreau.

The key is to be perceptive. The problem for most guys who are unlucky with girls is not that they’re bad looking, it’s that they’re oblivious. Girls make it very obvious when they don’t like what you’re doing (and for the record, pick-up lines and transparent attempts to impress her never work). If she’s interested, she won’t be looking around the room for her girlfriends to save her. She won’t be responding to your questions in polite two-word answers. In fact, she won’t have to respond to too many of your questions, because she’ll be asking you questions, too.

If you’re not getting the signs, move on. Rejection sucks at first, but if you actually follow this advice and go talk to a lot of girls, two things happen: one, rejection will stop sucking so much, and two, your ratio of rejections/non-rejections will very slowly begin to balance out. I promise you: the world won’t run out of hot girls. Especially in college towns.

2. Don’t Talk About Yourself. At All.

“When I was in seventh grade, I was really into Magic: The Gathering.”

“Yeah, I love movies! I even went to the midnight opening of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Sat in the front row.”

“While I was masturbating this morning I was thinking about my mom…”

Okay, so all of those are pretty extreme examples of what not to say to a girl. (Or anyone.) The other so-obvious-it’s-a-movie-cliché no-no? Talking about an ex-girlfriend. I’m going to be straight with you here: if you even have the urge to talk about your ex-girlfriend, you’re not ready to get out there yet, and you’re doomed to fail.

But the “don’t talk about yourself” rule extends beyond just the obvious. I really mean don’t talk about yourself at all. You know why? You’re not interesting. You work in the scheduling department of a non-profit? You taught yourself web design? Your football team made sectionals in high school? Your professor is just super, super lame? Don’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcare.

Depending on exactly how “out of your league” the girl is, she’s probably not interesting either. Unless she’s Mary-Louise Parker’s illegitimate daughter who got the hot genes from her mom and currently works as a spy for the CIA, chances are she’s just some random bitchy princess you want to sleep with, in which case — pat yourself on the back — she’s even less interesting than you. If you ever want her to go down on you, just shut up and listen.

3. But At the Same Time, Don’t Be a Pussy.

There’s shutting up and listening to her stories, and then there’s letting her whine to you about this guy who’s mean to her and she’s so glad she has a really, really great friend like you. If you’ve gotten to the latter point, you’re beyond saving.

It’s not a secret anymore that in general, girls are attracted to guys who don’t treat them well. And it makes perfect sense: she’s really hot and has lived a life of everyone, especially guys like you, tripping over themselves to please her. The one guy who does things differently catches her attention.

But there’s two things wrong with that rule. First, you can only really pull it off if you’re good-looking. If you’re a hot jerk, you’re a badass; if you’re an average-looking jerk, you’re a tool. It’s not fair, but such is life.

The other problem is that most of you who need to read articles like this one are too nice. You literally cannot be a jerk to a girl. Your parents taught you manners, thank you very much, and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

There’s not. The solution? Just be assertive. That means, simply, that you should come across like a man who knows what he wants. When you ask her out, give her a specific time, place, and activity. Never say “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” If she asks your opinion on something, give it to her. Etc.

If she does specifically ask you about yourself, you’re permitted to tell her that you have a steady job or are well on your way down a lucrative career path. No, she’s not seriously considering you as a mate yet, but if you think there’s no difference between “I’m studying to be a lawyer” and “I’m an English major,” you’re wrong.

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The holy grail of dating is to actually find a girl who’s hot but is still willing to go out with you. And as you’ve already figured out, that’s really hard. But even if you’re not as attractive or as suave as that friend who has so much sex you want to punch him, even if you “have no game,” there are a few ways to tip the scales in your favor. These aren’t magic bullets. They’re practical, actionable things that you can do to help you snag that gorgeous girl who it turns out has low enough self esteem to actually go for you.

1. Actually Ask Girls Out on Dates

Look, you can’t date out of your league if you don’t have the balls to actually ask a girl out on a date. Sure, you might be able to get lucky at a party with a drunk girl, but as you’ve already experienced, it’s harder to do that consistently than you fantasized about in high school. So many guys whine inwardly about not being a chick-magnet and forget it’s because they don’t actually put themselves out there and talk to any girls.

If you want to date a girl who’s out of your league, you have to man up and make a move. Just talk to her. If you already know her, ask her if she wants to go out to dinner; if you don’t, ask for her number. And I hate to say it, but the Swingers rule is true: don’t call her right away. Don’t be Jon Favreau.

The key is to be perceptive. The problem for most guys who are unlucky with girls is not that they’re bad looking, it’s that they’re oblivious. Girls make it very obvious when they don’t like what you’re doing (and for the record, pick-up lines and transparent attempts to impress her never work). If she’s interested, she won’t be looking around the room for her girlfriends to save her. She won’t be responding to your questions in polite two-word answers. In fact, she won’t have to respond to too many of your questions, because she’ll be asking you questions, too.

If you’re not getting the signs, move on. Rejection sucks at first, but if you actually follow this advice and go talk to a lot of girls, two things happen: one, rejection will stop sucking so much, and two, your ratio of rejections/non-rejections will very slowly begin to balance out. I promise you: the world won’t run out of hot girls. Especially in college towns.

2. Don’t Talk About Yourself. At All.

“When I was in seventh grade, I was really into Magic: The Gathering.”

“Yeah, I love movies! I even went to the midnight opening of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. Sat in the front row.”

“While I was masturbating this morning I was thinking about my mom…”

Okay, so all of those are pretty extreme examples of what not to say to a girl. The other so-obvious-it’s-a-movie-cliché no-no? Talking about an ex-girlfriend. I’m going to be straight with you here: if you even have the urge to talk about your ex-girlfriend, you’re not ready to get out there yet, and you’re doomed to fail.

But the “don’t talk about yourself” rule extends beyond just the obvious. I really mean don’t talk about yourself at all. You know why? You’re not interesting. You work in the scheduling department of a non-profit? You taught yourself web design? Your football team made sectionals in high school? Your professor is just super, super lame? Don’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcaredon’tcare.

Depending on exactly how “out of your league” the girl is, she’s probably not interesting either. Unless she’s Mary-Louise Parker’s illegitimate daughter who got the hot genes from her mom and currently works as a spy for the CIA, chances are she’s just some random bitchy princess you want to sleep with, in which case — pat yourself on the back — she’s even less interesting than you. But if you want her lips to ever touch your penis, just shut up and listen.

3. But At the Same Time, Don’t Be a Pussy.

There’s shutting up and listening to her stories, and then there’s letting her whine to you about this guy who’s mean to her and she’s so glad she has a really, really great friend like you. If you’ve gotten to the latter point, you’re beyond saving.

It’s not a secret anymore that in general, girls are attracted to guys who don’t treat them well. And it makes perfect sense: she’s really hot and has lived a life of everyone, especially guys like you, tripping over themselves to please her. The one guy who does things differently catches her attention.

But there’s two things wrong with that rule. First, you can only really pull it off if you’re good-looking. If you’re a hot jerk, you’re a badass; if you’re an average-looking jerk, you’re a tool. It’s not fair, but such is life.

The other problem is that most of you who need to read articles like this one are too nice. You literally cannot be a jerk to a girl. Your parents taught you manners, thank you very much, and there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that.

There’s not. The solution? Just be assertive. That means, simply, that you should come across like a man who knows what he wants. When you ask her out, give her a specific time, place, and activity. Never say “I don’t care, what do you want to do?” If she asks your opinion on something, give it to her. Etc.

If she does specifically ask you about yourself, you’re permitted to tell her that you have a steady job or are well on your way down a lucrative career path. No, she’s not seriously considering you as a mate yet, but if you think there’s no difference between “I’m studying to be a lawyer” and “I’m an English major,” you’re wrong.