Friday, August 10, 2007

Spice Girl

With less than 50 hours remaining until Team Pulse embarks on the TransRockies challenge, I thought it might be fitting to finally offically introduce my partner for the race. Cindy 'Crazy Spice' Koo.

Raised by a pack of wolves in a remote region of Northern Canada, very little is known about Cindy’s origin or her early years. There is wide speculation that she is the illegitimate daughter of Chuck Norris, given her striking resemblance, animal-keen senses, and enhanced physical capabilities; however, the rumour has never been substantiated.

She took the cage fighting world by storm in 1995, when she went undefeated in the underground “North of 61 Bare Knuckle Brawl” tournament and earned an invitation to the Ultimate Fighting World Championships, where she fought under the cage name of Spice. Her feral instincts and signature move, the “fennel facebuster”, earned her a reputation as a cutthroat and ruthless competitor.In 1996, she was named FightWorld Magazine’s Rookie of the Year. But, in 1997, her rage got the best of her and Spice was forced into early retirement after savagely biting off an opponent’s ear. Deemed a danger to the public, she was committed by the state to a Pentonville Psychiatric Hospital later that year, at which time she began to be known as Crazy Spice. To pass the days on the inside, she studied relentlessly, ultimately earning a PhD in theoretical cosmology and quantum mechanics. After her release in 2000, she got into acting, taking leading roles in “That Man: Peter Berlin” and “American Ninja 4” and appearing in multiple music videos for the Wu Tang Clan. As she skyrocketed to D-list fame, she was romantically linked to David Hasselhoff and began experimenting with plastic surgery, including, notably, calf implants. By 2006, she was tired of the spotlight, turned to cycling and was recruited to join Team Pulse for the 2007 TransRockies Challenge. Competitors are advised to exercise extreme caution in the presence of Crazy Spice. She may look unassuming with her huge calves and sweet smile but, rest assured, she’s certifiably crazy.