Long rant. MIL/SFIL are inconsiderant and just plain suck.

MIL (mother-in-law) just assumed that we were spending baby's first Christmas at her house without talking to us. We get it all sorted out and move her xmas to another day, she keeps guilt tripping us, saying she doesn't want to leave her step grandmother and step father alone on xmas (they haven't been to MILs house for xmas the past 4 yrs) so I offer to throw a brunch for all the grandparents xmas afternoon.. stupid me.

We do Christmas with each side of the family, everything went okay.

Christmas day: wake up, spend about an hour reading books and playing with LO (little one) (wish it was longer but stupid brunch plans).

Then we tidy up the house, start cooking and my family shows up .. my dad is a quiet, manly dude who works a ton, but when he does get to see my daughter he's all about her.

45 mins later MIL/SFIL show up (& almost an hour late, but will never apologize - even though my family didn't want to eat until they got there). Full blown dressed up, make up done, santa hats on both of them. Her grandma and grandpa are not with them. She said they didn't come because they were "too tired from xmas at her house" ... that was 10 DAYS prior, so I call bullshit on that one.

They instantly take baby from my Dad and the next 2 hours keep passing LO (little one) back and forth between just the two of them. Me and my husband, my parents, my younger brother - none of us got to hold her after they showed up.

My Dad looked so sad. He came over all excited, even wore the "motorcycle grandpa" shirt we got him for Christmas. I've honestly never seen my dad like this, it broke my heart. My mom sees baby every day so didn't even think about it, because she was trying to be considerate and let them have "their time" but now she's also upset thinking about it after the fact.

They then spend the entire brunch taking pictures of eachother with the baby. MIL (mother-in-law) even has the nerve to go sit in the livingroom away from everyone with my child and take selfies. & when my mother tried taking a few pictures of other people MIL (mother-in-law) would hurry and jump in, posing like an ass hole, of course the only one holding baby in all the pictures.

Then when everyone was leaving MIL/SFIL like stood between us and my parents and wanted to talk about a bunch of nothing and be in our grills all of the sudden so we barely got to say good bye to my family.

Today: MIL (mother-in-law) posts photos of xmas on facebook... this includes the pics of her and my child at brunch (didnt even include my SFIL), pics of the friends-mas she had this weekend, and a few from when we were over there for xmas... only one picture of me, husband and baby and you couldn't tell who it was unless you look real hard.

I'm furious because not only did neither me or my husband get any pictures with OUR baby during xmas day BECAUSE OF THEM, but she couldn't be bothered to take any pictures of us with our child at her house either. So I comment on her photos that me and husband didn't get any pics with our baby on her first xmas and asked if that one picture was all she had of us?

SHE POSTED 4 GOOD ONES OF THE THREE OF US .. and is just like, "I guess I have these". And then included more selfies of herself from brunch in that post.

Why wouldn't she have posted those? Was she just gonna delete them? Like oh, well I'm not in them so why would they need these?

Thankfully my Mom took lots of pictures at our side's Christmas so I do have some of us 3. It just pisses me off so bad because we had this brunch to be nice, to spend time with our baby, family and because of her stupid guilt trip. And they just saw it as a photo op. for their Facebooks while ruining that time for people who actually wanted to see and spend time with baby for her first Christmas.

Me and my husband are so frustrated with them. It's like if it's not about her she doesn't care or she's going to manage ruining everyone elses time making it ALL about herself. Like what kind of mother constantly feels the need to sabotage, manipulate, and ruin things for their son and now their granddaughter. We had almost cut her completely off and have recently let her in a little and she just breaks down the door, lights some shit on fire, craps on everything and then hangs a picture of herself on the wall. My husband wants to yell at her at I'm half tempted to let him rip her a new asshole. I feel so bad we didn't get the full gravity of what was going on until after because DH (dear husband) was cooking and I was hosting and by the time we sat down everyone was 15-20 mins from leaving.

Comments (19)

That sounds like a shitty situation, but you’ve gotta take control. You should have taken baby from them on Christmas. “Mil, I’m going to take baby for a bit.” Or “MIL, I’m going to have my dad take the baby for a bit.” People are selfish and dense, sometimes you have to step in and handle a situation you aren’t happy with. It sucks that your in-laws are so selfish, but if you know that’s how they are you need to be more proactive.

I’m guessing there’s more to the story, but I don’t think their behaviour at Christmas was that bad. It sounds like standard selfish grandparent behaviour to me. My in-laws don’t care to spend quality time with my baby, so I don’t waste my time with them. I know I’ll be frustrated, so I see them as little as possible. I’ve unfriended my MIL (mother-in-law) on Facebook so I don’t have to see her pretend to be an amazing grandparent to children she doesn’t care to spend time with IRL. If I were you I’d spend as little time as possible with them and expect less of them. It’s unfortunate but will be less stressful for you.

SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!! That sucks op! I'm so sorry! At least your hubby has a good head on his shoulders so they're not stressing your marriage too. Your mil (mother-in-law) needs to grow up! She rode a dino to school every day! How lively can her Facebook be?

I totally agree with pp, you need to take control in the future. Don’t be a unicorn, MIL (mother-in-law) is not going to change so just accept her for who she is along with SFIL and plan accordingly. Maybe next Christmas you block off the morning for your nuclear family to sit in your pjs, take pictures and enjoy the morning and only after noon do you all clean up, shower and spend time with others. Use this Christmas as a learning experience to put your nuclear family first, Christmas Day is what you want it to be and it doesn’t have to include extended family.

That sounds like a shitty situation, but you’ve gotta take control. You sho...

Posted
12/28/2017

That sounds like a shitty situation, but you’ve gotta take control. You should have taken baby from them on Christmas. “Mil, I’m going to take baby for a bit.” Or “MIL, I’m going to have my dad take the baby for a bit.” People are selfish and dense, sometimes you have to step in and handle a situation you aren’t happy with. It sucks that your in-laws are so selfish, but if you know that’s how they are you need to be more proactive.

I’m guessing there’s more to the story, but I don’t think their behaviour at Christmas was that bad. It sounds like standard selfish grandparent behaviour to me. My in-laws don’t care to spend quality time with my baby, so I don’t waste my time with them. I know I’ll be frustrated, so I see them as little as possible. I’ve unfriended my MIL on Facebook so I don’t have to see her pretend to be an amazing grandparent to children she doesn’t care to spend time with IRL. If I were you I’d spend as little time as possible with them and expect less of them. It’s unfortunate but will be less stressful for you.

This. Find your voice. She will do what she wants unless you tell her no.

Tempted to let him rip them a new one? Um, let him.
And next year, no combin...

Posted
12/28/2017

Tempted to let him rip them a new one? Um, let him.

And next year, no combined Christmas plans. Let your family have their time with your child separately. One side Christmas Eve, the other Christmas Day.

My MIL/SFIL had there xmas the 15th - we made her.
My family's xmas was the 23rd
FIL/SMIL xmas was the 24th

And we intended to have christmas day just for us, but decided to have brunch this year. We will never host anything for xmas day again and agreed, definitely no more joint events. But I'm not throwing 10 birthdays and we plan to have it at FILs because he has a pool and all of her cousins are on that side and they get along great with my parents, so I hope she doesn't come honestly.

My MIL/SFIL had there xmas the 15th - we made her.
My family's xmas was ...

Posted
12/28/2017

My MIL/SFIL had there xmas the 15th - we made her.
My family's xmas was the 23rd
FIL/SMIL xmas was the 24th
And we intended to have christmas day just for us, but decided to have brunch this year. We will never host anything for xmas day again and agreed, definitely no more joint events. But I'm not throwing 10 birthdays and we plan to have it at FILs because he has a pool and all of her cousins are on that side and they get along great with my parents, so I hope she doesn't come honestly.

Start practicing "no," "no thank you," and "that doesn't work for us." She will want to continue her grandmother of the year Facebook streak and will try to bully you into a separate party, a party just for her, or some other version where she looks like the best grandma ever in the whole wide world. Be prepared for that if you want to shut her down.

Start practicing "no," "no thank you," and "that doesn't work for us." She will want to continue her grandmother of the year Facebook streak and will try to bully you into a separate party, a party just for her, or some other version where she looks like the best grandma ever in the whole wide world. Be prepared for that if you want to shut her down.

Oh I wouldn't put it past her honestly.

She has a "daughter" (bartender friend, my age) and she buys presents for her son and then she records him opening them and posts it on facebook and takes a million pics of the whole ordeal and it's like a damn bottle of shampoo with paw patrol on it lmao

I wish she'd go be grandma to her friends kids and leave me and mine alone sometimes. We see her maybe once a month if that, and we thought things had been getting better, but after this she can suck my @$$ ... She's the only grandparent we haven't let babysit (and she's asked and demanded multiple times). Jokes on her, my birthday is coming up and nye and I'm already arranging to let my parents and FIL/SMIL watch LO (little one) those nights.

That sounds like a shitty situation, but you’ve gotta take control. You sho...

Posted
12/28/2017

That sounds like a shitty situation, but you’ve gotta take control. You should have taken baby from them on Christmas. “Mil, I’m going to take baby for a bit.” Or “MIL, I’m going to have my dad take the baby for a bit.” People are selfish and dense, sometimes you have to step in and handle a situation you aren’t happy with. It sucks that your in-laws are so selfish, but if you know that’s how they are you need to be more proactive.

I’m guessing there’s more to the story, but I don’t think their behaviour at Christmas was that bad. It sounds like standard selfish grandparent behaviour to me. My in-laws don’t care to spend quality time with my baby, so I don’t waste my time with them. I know I’ll be frustrated, so I see them as little as possible. I’ve unfriended my MIL on Facebook so I don’t have to see her pretend to be an amazing grandparent to children she doesn’t care to spend time with IRL. If I were you I’d spend as little time as possible with them and expect less of them. It’s unfortunate but will be less stressful for you.

Honestly, the whole day got away from us. I didn't realize what was all going on until it was too late because I was running around hosting and DH (dear husband) was cooking. Now looking at pictures and thinking about it, I feel like I should have just locked the door and pretended we weren't home. Me and DH (dear husband) both agree that the crap isn't going to happen anymore. We're done.

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