Cold Snap Hits US; Bush Declares Victory Over Global Warming

Chilly winter temperatures returned to most of the US today, prompting President Bush to say that the global warming problem had finally been overcome. Much of the eastern half of the US had previously been experiencing extremely warm temperatures, raising fears that perhaps global warming was not a left-wing conspiracy after all.

The Bush administration has not been wavering on its position that established scientific facts can be ignored if they just don't feel right. President Bush recently said that he would not take global warming seriously until Manhattan is under water or "things get really damn hot down at the ranch".

With the current cold snap, Press Secretary Tony Snow said, "See? We told you this global warming thing was phony. Now that it's cold again Americans can drive SUVs without guilt. We have stuck to our strategy of denial and it has finally brought us victory."

President Bush was not impressed with the recent announcement that 2006 was the warmest on record for the US. "You can prove anything with statistics," he said. "Walk outside - it's cold. What more proof do you need?"

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