With this post I want to talk about some of the reasons Farang men end up with a bad Thai Girlfriend and it may not be quite what you are thinking.

Now I must warn you before you read this post because I will touch on some deep and sensitive issues about not just why western men get a bad Thai girlfriend but something deeper about the human psychology involved in that….. and it may touch a nerve or two!

Now just let me say that some of you may find this difficult to read…..but my purpose is not to hurt or upset you. My purpose is to help you see that what has happened to you also has reasons within you. And I want to help you face it accept it understand it and then move on from it to a better place…a place where you may finally find real love but at the very least a sense of release within yourself.

Many of you reading this may have had a relationship with a Thai girlfriend and have had a bad experience

You see I don’t like to upset people or argue with negative thinking and attitudes but sometimes to help ourselves we first must face some truth about ourselves and that is not always comfortable. Many of you reading this may have had a relationship with a Thai girlfriend and have had a bad experience, some of you may have even been married and it all ended badly. Some of you maybe just thinking about getting a Thai girlfriend or just starting a relationship with a Thai girl and in that case I want you to be clear on what you are getting involved with.

Now its up to you if you choose to ignore or dismiss these things….if you do then it means you will just continue with how things are. But if you want to move on finally..if you want to release yourself from your own pain, sadness, bitterness or even anger then just have a little faith and belief and think about what I say here.

There is nobody just controlling your life and making decisions for you without you having anything to do with it

You see to change anything about our life we must first change our thinking because what we are is in fact what we think. Life does not just happen to us……..there is nobody just controlling your life and making decisions for you without you having anything to do with it. We all create the life we live, whether consciously or subconsciously.

So let me ask you how do you think you came to attract this situation into your life? What do you think caused this to happen to you?

What would you say if the answer is You!

Maybe you believe it was just bad luck but do you really want to believe it was just bad luck…..wouldn’t that just be an easy excuse to not take responsibility for your own actions? Think about this for a moment…When you create something good in your life you like to feel good about yourself…you like to tell people what a great decision you made and you feel proud to tell….but nobody likes to admit they made a mistake do they? We don’t like to admit that at all.

Can you really just blame Thai women? Did anyone force you to get involved with her?

So if you went to Thailand and met a Thai girl and she turned out to be not the love of your life after all and just a cheap bar girl, or even not a bar girl but just someone who was not really genuine who do you think is really to blame. Can you really just blame Thai women? Did anyone force you to get involved with that woman. What did you go to Thailand for in the first place and where did you go to meet that kind of woman. And if you have only been dealing with your Thai girlfriend online then how much do you really know about her and did you bother to find out?

You see we often only want to believe what we want to believe and see what we want to see. Maybe you, just like many western men really fell in love with the mystical and exotic Thai look and dream of having a young and beautiful Thai girlfriend who can become your wife and soulmate. You know that is hard to find in the West and so when you have the opportunity you just cannot help yourself. Or maybe you went to Thailand for some fun and love so easy with a Thai girl. But how can you tell what type of girl she really is? Maybe you don’t want to believe she is a bad Thai girl and so you choose not to see it, even though it is in fact quite clear what she is and what she wants from you.

I have seen this so many times Farang men get a Thai Girlfriend or a Thai wife and she does not turn out to be genuine or their soul mate and they then complain afterwards about all Thai women being bad.

I have also even heard many talk about Buddhism and how can these their Thai girlfriends do that to us when it is supposed to be a Buddhist country? Well the truth is that before you ask that question you must first understand Buddhism properly. Buddhism is not about avoiding pain and suffering. Buddhism is about acceptance of pain and suffering and the ability to rise above it, to transcend it. Being Thai also does not automatic make you a good Buddhist either.

Someone very close to me said this recently and I want to share it with you:

He said when the western man stands up and says “look I went to Thailand with having a bit of fun in my mind. The girls are so pretty and sure I fell easy for one. I know what they say but I couldn’t help myself and my ego got the better of me. I thought she might change or something. I spent all my cash on her and she asked for more, which I kept giving her because she was so nice. Basically I messed up and let my desire rule my brain and now I learned my lesson. I can’t blame Thai women because it was really down to me” When that man stands up I will shake his hand and say well done mate I think now you might be ready to find a good woman.

This is a very direct perspective and you might guess he is western…haha..no greng jai there but I do agree with it because it is about taking responsibility for your actions. Not hiding from the truth and trying to blame mistakes on other things or people. Yes others are involved but we all have choice and to believe you have no choice only makes you a victim of yourself.

so my friends I will leave you with that now. I want you just to think about that for a while. I will follow up on this post soon but for now I think it says enough. I sincerely hope that if you have a Thai Girlfriend or are thinking about one or have one online although sensitive this post will help you in the long run.

22 Comments

Ivan

Your right!

We are all to blame for our own pridicament, the same time we take ownership we receive power to decide our fate. I have dated many working girls, as that is my preference, but always knew that I really wasn’t that funny, or that handsome, or that good in bed, but it was nice to feel like a world class winner!
Although, I now find myself sending money to a Thai girl who seems to be different, . Does she really love me?
How do I know that this is true? She is extremely jealous? could that be it? She can cook fantastic meals for me! She has her own car and a house where her sister and brother in law live,She has no children, she handles the family farm as she is the youngest daughter, wears loose jeans without hi-heels, does not paint her finger nails ? I have never seen her receive a cell phone call from anyone other than her relatives or girl friends? I have been dating her since Dec 2009? .
I give her money based on an her itimized list, showing her car payment , house payment, etc, she has only asked for more money once,and that was for pesticide for her farm.
So how do I know?? This will be my third marriage, I am 62 and she is 32! So how do I know? Because I listen , I pay attention, so I know! I think?

Thankyou for your honest comment…yes taking ownership does give us power to decide our fate. Your relationship sounds good and I hope it will continue in the positive way. How can we know? Well we can never truly know but we can listen to our heart and our intuition….inside we really do know what we deserve! Chok dee, Angella

Michael

Dear Angela,

Great article but I do have some comments about your article. It seems like that you you sort of avoided certain topics. I am a farang ( Asian decent ) and have had some issues with Thai girlfriends. Not all bad of course but not all good as well.

What you didn’t mention is that most of these farangs that come here probably hang out a seedy bars and clubs and meet the wrong type of Thai Women. I see it all the time. And another thing you metioned is that most of these farang guys that come here probably could not score the type of women they can here in Thailand. This is the absolute truth! People who don’t see the truth are merely avoiding the truth.

So that is why some of these farangs will invest the money and all the requirements that their Thai girlfriend wants. I know a gentleman here in BKK. He has a great job and a great heart. But not your most attractive person and he has the most beautiful Thai girlfriend. He would never be able to score this type of women back at home. So, the blame is within himself. And these “types” of Thai women know this and use this towards their advantage. She is well aware of this, I assure you. She knows she is hot and she can have anyone she wants. And she also knows the “gentlemen” wants her more then him.

So, what I am saying is that your article should really touch are the HARD FACTS and the TRUTH. It is the fault of most of the Farangs that live here. Money is the source of their power for the farang men. And sex is the power for the Thai women. Who’s the blame?

So I ask you, perhaps next time you write an article. Get more into detail and really, really expose and talk about the truth.
Thank you.

Kob kuhn ka Michael
I appreciate you taking time to make thoughtful comment and very good points. And can say that there are many more articles for me to write on these subjects yet and so I hope you find future ones full of detail and truth’s as you say which will I hope be helpful to people as my purpose is always to help.
Kob kuhn ka, Ag

steve_johnston

I think that these girls are very dangerous because i hear so many of us come to Thailand already hart broken after a painfull devcorce or relationship finishing.
these bar girls are very good at listening and telling u what u want to here. At first they seem like dream girl friend and the westerner might feel sorry for them by listening how the bar lady does not want to work bar but she has no money or a brother in prison or this or that.
Then ones the man is deep in love with this bar lady the attidude of the lady changes according to her cah flow.
The problem is with allot of these specially old westerns looking for toung women is that they think they can buy a person and that if they give 1000 baht to 100 million baht u can never own a person.

so the western feels cheated even though if u take away all emotions for real all he has done is done a deal with a prostitute so for real the Bar girl is just doing her job. Like a car salesman. It is up the the customer where they get there money from. The salesmans job is just to receive it.

so is a bar girl bad or just good at her job.

I do not like the ladies though who pretend to not be prostitutes . This is more of a trick and very miss leading. They have the same intensions as a bar girl but they come up with the excuse. I hear allot of these freelancers say ” i am not from the bar, why do u speak me like this ”

at the same time they are getting in some cases very high monthly salaries off these ladies. some of these ladies get more than i used to get from the U.K every month. the only difference is that i had to work my arse off for it.

There is nothing wrong with helping a long term girlfriend out with licing expensise and gifts from time to time but if your relation ship is only saviving around money then it is doomed.

to test your relationship out if u r suspicous. tell your thai spouse that u have lost your job and r struggling to savive for about 6 months to a year. see how long they stay about. or see if their interest dies but they keep u habging around for good luck.

as for bar girls. u never lose them. only your place in the que as i read once.

Sawasdee Steve and kob kuhn ka
Yes indeed we do see many Farang come to Thailand older and after divorced with western woman so perhaps they are not in the right mind anyway..this i do believe and then very easy to be seduce by Thai bar girl…or even the new kind of Thai bar girl who claim not to be…as you say, these are very dangerous and easy for Farang to get caught by them. This is why in my post I talk about what is in Farang mind when come to Thailand and when they meet Thai girls as I see this is where problem begins for them. Yes of course..these thai girls take advantage,maybe it wrong but it is there and has been for long time even for Thai men.
Chok dee, Angella

Chris

I have a friend in Phuket who had a terrible divorce in Europe. He moved to a room above a bar in Patong, but he has found a wonderful woman and they have two children and have been together for 10 years now. I think one thing that can prevent being the victim is time. If you are patient and have a friend relationship and know family and friends for a while then you are much more likely to know the character of each other. There is much to be said for traditional dating if you don’t want to be burned.

Hoping I am not another sucker,how do you know?ever,maybe never, laugh with me or at me. So our eyes meet,a nearly walk it pole our eyes fixed with a smile. Shes a salad girl by day,not tarted up,pretty hot and 28.Me a young 42, had some glam babes in Oz, 6 ft slim,good body,have been told I’m good looking,Im spiritual and an ear for bullshit,funny sensitive out going,I had some pros and was over it, I met her a few times ,she invite me to eat my salad by her, suddenly I feel calm and warm in her prescense,she seeam honest staright up never asked for anything but did sayshe wants her own food stand, I ask how much, she say rent is coming up,35000 bart for a year,i loan it to her with out much thought,she sounds genuine everytime I ask will she pay it back.she doesnt seem like other girls this was after I offered to take her to phi phi, I offered to pay for her day and night job pay of 1500 a day,for 3 days,is this a lie,how much does she really earn?She has a few stories, one she used to be possesed by tiger spirit, another time an old man,she nearly scared me off, I said I go back home goodbye,she said Tiger spirit when she drunk or angry ,she loses consciouceness cant recall, she has beaten people up in that state, eyes closed, keep boyfriends away.So,is she a bad con artist that accidently sells me her sad story,that scares me away, but something between us spiritually happens ,I give her reiki, we did not have sex because she doesnt seem in that space,we hug a lot, I think I lie her more than she like me, but since beeing away she says she misses me and wants me back,we have lots of fun together,Any comments pleas?
So she wants a finally 10000 to buy some equipment,She seems fine I’m coming back to check on things ,

Chris

Dear Angella,

I like the way you write. It is clear and logical, mostly the cause and affect relationship is rather obvious and the most common solution to prevent building a terrible relationship is a good measure of maturity and honesty.

There is always the possibility of truly being taken advantage of, but the only example I am personally aware of is here in the US… The situation involved a true gentleman that was the envy of many men for his character, and this man’s wife who was literally able to fool everyone that she was seeing another man even before she got married and then left her husband 4 months later.

The fact is there are good and bad (fortunately much fewer) people everywhere. As for the short lived relationships with a farong and Thai woman, I think people basically do what they can get away with. They learn by cost that some things are not wise or worth it… So basically foreign men come to Thailand and have easy relationships because they can get away with it. There are enough women that will accept the advances and join the relationship with little more consideration to the future. Men do exactly the same. Basically the relationship ends when both have received everything they could get in exchange for everything they had to give.

When people are thinking about the future, they act differently towards people for today. This subtle level of maturity is probably the root of the Traditional Thai culture – and many other cultures all over the world. (Basically the foundation of marriage) When both men and women thing about the future and can commit their mind and resources to building something with each other then both have a sort of security that they can share and gather resources to improve their lives together. This should be well understood in society, but I’m afraid most people do not think like this today in most cultures.

I will check your web site again and see what other ideas and opinions you have to share. It was delightful to understand your view.

The Jackal

his is dedicated to all the farangs out there. When talking about any kind of relationship (short/long/whtever term) that you had or are about to ‘invest’ in Thailand, the time you hit the real level of maturity is when the minute you knock yourselves up & realize that there can’t be a good relationship if it was based on money.

I mean, hey what are you here for if it ain’t for those little moment of enjoyment in the first place? What you think that you’re gonna own a love life here when you can even get the chance to score back home? Seriously, nothing much to look around. Run along now..

Money ain’t everything. Even if you think that your heart belongs in Thailand, the odd of finally finding a perfect match here is like one to a million. I have no intention to downsize those passion of yours towards finding your love life, but why bother blaming things once shit hits the fan when you had already been told about it from time to time?

One man’s wisdom came for a lot of errors & trials.
But many mens’ stupidity came from the experience that they never learned from..

The Jackal

John

There is a lot information available about relationships between foreign men and Thai women. Seems to me that if you are serious about a serious relationship, he guy needs to a simple strategy in mind ahead of time regarding how to weed out a gold digger. This is what I suggest:

1) Do not give the woman money, or at least not any serious money. Sure, give her cab and lunch money, etc., sometimes, but don’t bank roll her lifestyle. No wads of cash – resist the urge, otherwise you won’t be able to figure out her motivation.

2) Go along like that for a while, longer than you think you should…and see how she responds.

3) The guy can’t be in it just for sex or for “a Thai girl” friend. Women are women, if you act a man.

I’ve been seeing a Thai woman off and on (mostly off) for a few months. We’ve stayed together a few times. We enjoy each others’ company and I give her cab and lunch money in the morning. After this amount of time, she still calls me and never complains or asks for money. To me, that’s a good sign.

Jimmy

You’re right Angella,

Western life is so different from Eastern culture. so much to learn, so much to let go of. Thanks for you insights and suggestions. they really help clarify one important thing for me. that is that life in thailand is not life as it is perceived in Thailand from a farang perspective.

TT

Everywhere online, there seems to be negative statements about Thai women. This spreads the stereotype nonsense beyond belief! Of course some guys get ripped off,but theyre allowing themselves to be ripped off.
My partner is Thai, we are both the same age (30), we’re both into cooking, love food, cook for friends etc, love music, love nature etc etc. I have never been to a “girly bar” nor ever wanted to, not my scene at all. I occasionally go clubbing, I’m a music producer – she gets involved with criticising my productions . she has never asked for money, I have never lent her money. We split all bills 50/50, I pay a little more rent as I earn more. All in all, we have a happy time together. It’s not much different than a relationship back home (uk) other than I can now speak Thai!

Wow TT, you can now speak Thai, Geng Mak!! Khob khun ka to share your comment. I am please that you have a good relationship with Thai woman and yes it is true there are good Thai women and they make very good wife, jing! And now a few people say that they have similar ages which I think is interesting…Angella

Invalid

Hi Angela,
I believe I have a good nature about me. I am always looking at the best of people. From all the struggles I’ve dealt with in my life (Past Girlfriend died). I believe I am kind, patient, honest, humble; easy going; the “life is too short to stress type of guy”. I moved to another state and lived with some friends. One of which the shared a room (Farang guy) who had some marital issues with a Thai Woman. I had actually caught her cheating on another Farang in the house that we lived in and observed how badly he was abused and treated. To me it was an isolated problem; a problem not to worry about because it didn’t affect me. However, it did make me think twice about Thai women.

I am of Asian descent; I don’t have trouble getting girls (quite handsome actually). I partly agree with your comments top of the page (life is what you make out of it including the choices we make).
I met a Thai girl who was working near the area, I wasn’t searching nor did I want to have a relationship – was just doing some grocery shopping. But it happened; I just seemed to bump into her where ever I went out. I thought she was genuine, sincere, she didn’t want money, she was a hard worker (Masseuse – Proper professional one). She was educated, came from a family that was reasonably well off financially.

I didn’t even new she was Thai until she told me. I couldn’t even flaw her accent besides sounding like an American. She became my girlfriend and eventually moved in together. They say; if you want to really get to know someone, then move in with them to know their habbits, good and bad. We had a good life. Not perfect and would argue as couples do, but the compromise and understanding was always there.

She became my wife. 2 years ago she got pregnant and I was so happy, in retrospect, it didn’t make sense because we were very careful as were were focussing on building our careers. Mistake or not, creating a life is a gift in itself.

I am catholic and it goes against every cell in my body to terminate any life. She is obviously Buddhist, so you can understand the belief and value of life there. However, she told me she didn’t want to have the baby and refused to carry a baby. She said she’d do it herself if I didn’t take her to a clinic for abortion. Every year now, I burn a candle and say a prayer in remembrance of that life..

Over time we’ve have had so many fond and beautiful memories which I will now disregard. I’ve only just found out during the last 4 years together with her, she has been sleeping around several different men. I also found photos of her having sex with a guy on our bed when I was at work. She has cheated on me for at least 4 times that I know of. I have always been good to her, she was the love of my life, she took care of me and I did the same to her (Emotionally, physically and financially). I have always been supportive, never abusive nor controlling. I still don’t understand what made her do those things until now.

You see, she had been planning to get a permanent visa status and once she did…she would divorce.. as currently she has a boyfriend standing by. I have the forms right now in front of me.
It was supposed to be processed and signed. Unfortunately I have found out all about the cheating, lying, deceit and emotional abuse a bit too early. I thought I really knew her but for the last few years it was a disguise. Last week she threatened me that if I didn’t sign the forms for permanent visa that she would call the police and incriminate me for physically abuse by self-inflicting herself with bruises. As a professional supporting government department I require a clean record or my career goes down in flames. I am quite analytical, so before I had the conversation with my wife about the visa, I had recorded her threats on my iphone just in case my discussion would would come to something unexpected. Well it did. Although you might say will this is only one side of the story and I agree… No she is accusing me of ruining her life and is trying to make me feel guilty in to signing the visa form, to lie to my country and potentially risk several years imprisonment. Going back to what you said….. She will be deported.

I am responsible for my decisions I make. But I do not have control over hidden agendas. What a waste of many years….waste of time…waste of money…. waste of emotions…waste of love.. I don’t hate Thai people. they are wonderful and polite.. I just dont trust them.