Plan B

Relax. Just because our plans don't work out, doesn't mean that failure and disappointment are inevitable.

"And in the world of entertainment, NBC announced today that Tonight show host, Jay Leno, will retire. Conan O'Brien, current host of Late Night, is expected to replace him."

I suppose this was, indeed, newsworthy to some. At the very least, to the Leno and O'Brien families, I'm sure. Personally, I'm still waiting for Johnny Carson to return, so the story barely registered. That is, until the announcer completed his report.

"The change will take place sometime in 2009."

I heard right. You read right…2009.

Those folks over at NBC sure do plan ahead, don't they? I don't know about you, but I have trouble knowing what I'll eat for lunch today. Ask me where my kids are going to school next year, and my stomach does a 360. Frankly, I don't even know what the next sentence of this article will be about! Last I checked winter 2004 had just begun and they're already mapping out the fall 2009 schedule.

I'm not quite sure what to make of this. On the one hand, you have to admire this kind of advance preparation. As Benjamin Franklin put it, "Look ahead or you'll find yourself behind." Or, as our Sages taught us some 1600 years before Mr. Franklin, "Who is wise? The one who anticipates the future." Makes a lot of sense.

On the other hand, we live in a world punctuated with uncertainty. Planning too far ahead seems fruitless, even foolhardy. Just ask George Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, who was convinced he had sewn up a World Championship when he invested a mere $150 million dollars in signing Alex Rodriguez. Not quite. Or take a tragic glance at Christopher Reeve, who told the world that he had almost believed that he was as indestructible as the role he embodied. Must we live a life where we are expected to expect the unexpected?

Perhaps God has something to say about all this. In fact, He does.

It is by now well known that God created the world in six days. The plan was a rather simple one. It would be a perfect world. A world of astonishing beauty, of impeccable harmony… free of conflict and fault. But, explains Rabbi Avrohom Pam, of blessed memory, the plan -- yes, God's plan -- went 'awry.'

On the first day of Creation, God said, "Let there be light; and there was light" (Genesis 1:3). But something was amiss. The Midrash explains that the light was of such spiritual intensity that God actually removed this light and 'saved' it, so to speak, for the righteous in the World to Come.

The third day of Creation was also in need of repair. God created fruit trees with the unique characteristic that the bark of the tree would miraculously contain the same taste as its fruit (ibid1:11)! Apparently, the earth had other ideas. The trees indeed produced fruit, but the bark did not 'cooperate.' As a matter of fact, the earth was subsequently cursed for this 'rebellion.'

Just because our plans don't work out, doesn't mean that failure and disappointment are inevitable.

Incredibly, Day Four of Creation brought more imperfection. On that day God created two great orbs of light -- the sun and the moon. The Talmud (Chullin 60b) explains that they were initially created equal in size. The moon, however, could not tolerate this sharing of the celestial throne and 'complained' that, "It is impossible for two kings to share the same crown." God responded by reducing the size of the moon. Again, change was necessary.

One might have expected some sort of declaration of disappointment from God regarding these and other modifications that Creation of the world had necessitated. After all, God's plans had been challenged and even defied!

Quite the contrary -- upon completion of the six days of Creation the verse tells us, "And God saw all that he had made and it was very good." Shocking. Despite the many shortcomings and alterations that accompanied the world's beginnings, God described it, not as "good," but "very good."

In a classic display of 'total flexibility,' God taught us a lesson of incalculable
value. Just because our plans don't work out, doesn't mean that failure and disappointment are inevitable. You must be ready with Plan B. And Plan B can be "very good" too.

The fact that these "changes" took place in no way implies any imperfection
in God or His Divine Plan. Nothing "surprises" God; that would be heresy.
Perhaps God "planned" this Plan B process, so that we, his creations, can
learn from it. Who are we to know God's ways? In any event, these are
deep and complex issues that must be studied at many levels.

You and I both know people who live on each end of the preparation spectrum. I know two brothers, for example; one arrives at the airport as much as 4 to 6 hours prior to the departure time of his flight, while the other huffs and puffs to the gate and slithers onto the aircraft seconds before the door is closed and sealed. To each his own, I guess.

But which approach is most prudent? The early bird spares himself considerable anxiety, but idles away 3-5 fruitful hours while crumpled up in a metal seat waiting at Gate B67. The "huffer and puffer" utilizes every last minute to its maximum productivity, but accidentally knocks over three old ladies with a garment bag traveling 12 miles per hour on the escalator and may need the overhead oxygen bag by the time he settles into his middle seat in the rear of the plane.

Clearly, no system is without its failings. But one thing is crystal clear: Whether your particular modus operandi is closer to Mr. Cautious, Miss Balance, or "Off the Cuff Charley," what counts is your capacity to let go of the wheel and declare that "someone else" is really steering the craft.

We all like that feeling of being in control, even if it is often a mirage. We peer down the tracks or the boulevard to catch a hopeful glimpse of the approaching train or bus, as if our seeing it can will it to arrive faster. We delude ourselves, often within elaborate parameters, just to prolong the sometimes obvious fantasy that we are the true masters of our own destiny. It makes us feel comfortable, safe and snug. The notion that we don't really captain our own ship frightens us and forces us to flee into denial.

There's a fine line between doing our best and over-investing in our severely limited powers of preparation.

And over-preparation is a hallmark of that delusion. It is an exercise in futility and a statement about our slender belief system. We need to step back more and allow the True Commander to chart the course. Of course we need to prepare and we need to do so responsibly. That is our charge. Without our full effort we are wrong to ask for or expect God's intervention on our behalf. But there's a fine line between doing our best and over-investing in our severely limited powers of preparation.

How often do we seek a particular item -- a camera, a house, a gown -- and after doing all our "research" and comparisons, we find that the one we really want is "no longer in stock," or discontinued. Sadly, many of us, when seeking a mate do the very same thing. We look, we compare, even do research… and then come up empty-handed. Over-preparation, in this case, takes the form of seeking perfection. Sometimes allowing Him to guide us means taking the plunge.

Oft times I am called upon to give a speech. It is usually a privilege, sometimes a thrill, but always a pressure. Many listeners are often surprised to learn that even well-known performers and seasoned speakers frequently experience a certain measure of anxiety before a presentation -- no matter how comfortable they may seem to the public eye.

Early on in my speaking career, I was asked to address a rather large audience on a particularly esoteric topic. The closer I got to D-Day, the more I felt the tension mounting. And then I had a brainstorm. If I wrote out my entire speech -- all 35 minutes of it -- word for word -- my angst would certainly be diminished. And so I did.

Well, my plan worked… to a degree. My nervousness was clearly reduced by knowing every word I would utter, but the reviewers basically panned the show. The overwhelming majority of listeners said I lacked passion and sincerity, and that I was "just not myself." They were right. My zeal had disappeared with my apprehension. It was the last time I tried that strategy. I had prepared too much and I paid the price.

Letting go isn't easy, even if we really do have faith in Him. But trust we must. And one of the best ways to amplify that trust is by reminding ourselves of what God has already done for us. Spend a few minutes a day doing an inventory of the every day gifts and little miracles the Almighty has provided for you. By reminding yourself of God's "proven record," you'll be boosting your capacity to let go. After all, He's racked up some pretty impressive accomplishments already, so adding to the list will seem reasonable to you. You'll find yourself preparing in a more reasonable way and relying on Plan B with confidence. And you'll stop fretting about Plans C, D and E.

Be cognizant of what it is you are preparing for. Evaluate each situation carefully before deciding whether to allow your "factory setting" to kick in or determining that this calls for less preparation than you are used to. Then get out of the way; demonstrate that your real trust is in God's hands.

Secondly, don't worry if have you have to rely on Plan B. Even God did, and everything worked out "very good."

Sure, 2009 is right around the corner for some people, but learning how to let go is a life-long process. Might as well start now.

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About the Author

Rabbi Yaakov Salomon, C.S.W. is a noted psychotherapist, in private practice in Brooklyn, N.Y. for over 25 years. He is a Senior Lecturer and the Creative Director of Aish Hatorah's Discovery Productions. He is also an editor and author for the Artscroll Publishing Series and a member of the Kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath.

In these marvelous stories -- brimming with wit, understanding, a touch of irony and a large helping of authentic Torah perspective -- we will walk with a renowned and experienced psychotherapist and popular author through the pathways of contemporary life: its crowded sidewalks, its pedestrian malls, and the occasional dead end street. This is a walk through our lives that will be fun, entertaining -- and eye-opening. In our full -- sometimes overfull -- and complex lives, Yaakov Salomon is a welcome and much-needed voice of sanity and reason.

His speaking, writing and musical talents have delighted audiences from Harvard to Broadway and everything in between. Rabbi Salomon shares his life with his wife, Temmy, and their unpredictable family.

Visitor Comments: 15

(15)
Michael,
June 1, 2008 4:38 PM

plan b

Just where on earth did you come up with the idea that God had to resort to Plan B? I''ve never read that in the bible. And neither have you. Beleive me, he is not trying to repair things, things are going just the way he planned them! God is still in control!

(14)
Shoshana-Dvora,
May 1, 2006 12:00 AM

I loved this article! Personally, if I don't think and plan ahead I'm a wreck. I do arrive at the airport, but I do not idle away 3 or 4 hours. After I check in I can relax with a Jewish book, or study Hebrew. No need to waste time. Preparation is ESPECIALLY important on Fridays!
Shoshana-Dvora

(13)
allan,
December 29, 2004 12:00 AM

try it and watch how it works for you.

belief in G-d is easy for most of us, however trust in H-m is the ultimate challange - the effort of which generates the changes and growth in oneself. a reward in this world, a better person and refined according to the rules given us at sini.and we trust some reward in the world to come.

(12)
Sharon,
December 28, 2004 12:00 AM

Nothing takes G-D by surprise-nothing

Shalom. I read in the Torah that G-D always knew what was going to happen.In B'resheet.GG-D sent Avarham,Yitz'chak,Ya'acov- to Yosef to Moshe,In my mind G-D had it all under control and still does.

(11)
Anonymous,
December 28, 2004 12:00 AM

This was good - I enjoyed this! Great stuff!

(10)
Leah,
December 27, 2004 12:00 AM

thanks

Boy, did I need this article just today, just now!!! Thanks you for the humor and the depth. Now if I could only figure out how to incorporate these wise words into my often hectic and full and very "prepared" life.

(9)
L. Millen,
December 27, 2004 12:00 AM

And, it was very good!

If we would all take these wise words to heart, how incredible our world would be. And, we'd find time to stop and smell the proverbial roses.
Excellent discourse.

(8)
Anonymous,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

important &basic for our daily " tasks"

because I, personally went from being an "every detail" planner, to the almost complete opposite, this article touched me in a very special way. I need to find what the " mid point" of this is, and the most important part, to me,is to thank
G-d everyday for the possibilities; and ask for help to be successful if ,in fact, my plans are His plans for me. And if not, then learn to make plan B be the best I can.

(7)
Anonymous,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

Lovely. For parents,for children (of all ages)such an important concept.
It really is the key to coping!
thank you, LER

(6)
Jack Goldfarb,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

The Challenge of Uncertainty

Thanks so much for this article reminding us to trust in the Power and Intelligence of God to bring us through the uncertainty in our lives. His wisdom is the most reliable "armor" that can shield us.
Looking back over the endless concerns we have overcome and the anxieties we have survived should help to assure us that when we "let go and let God" we can find more peace.

(5)
Close to all major highways,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

How much?

How does a person know if s/he is planning too much/too little?

(4)
Anonymous,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

watch your mouth, young man

"After all, God's plans had been challenged and even defied!" Really? Are we supposed to accept that at the most simple level? We have no clue as to what "creation defying g-d" really means, so make your point without dragging him in.

(3)
E. Fleischer,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

How can an Omnicient G-d need a plan B?

Even to the events in Gan-eden; the sin of Adam & Eve were probably meant to happen. If they had not eaten of the forbidden plant, the messianic age would have been the first day. It appears to me that man needed to be challenged in a world where good & evil are free will choices to EARN G-d's reward. He knows event before they happen (yigdal prayer) and his plan is always plan A and always succeeds.

(2)
Anonymous,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

I really appreciated this article. This is exactly what I needed to hear, and I'm glad I had the oppurtunity to see it addressed.

(1)
Alex,
December 26, 2004 12:00 AM

Beautiful

Awesome and true article.
Anyone interested in a deeper discussion of this topic should read Successful Relationship by Rabbi Abraham Twerski.
Thanks AISH for the constant inspiration your site gives me : )

I live in rural Montana where the Cholov Yisrael milk is difficult to obtain and very expensive. So I drink regular milk. What is your view on this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Jewish law requires that there be rabbinic supervision during the milking process to ensure that the milk comes from a kosher animal. In the United States, many people rely on the Department of Agriculture's regulations and controls as sufficiently stringent to fulfill the rabbinic requirement for supervision.

Most of the major Kashrut organizations in the United States rely on this as well. You will therefore find many kosher products in America certified with a 'D' next to the kosher symbol. Such products – unless otherwise specified on the label – are not Cholov Yisrael and are assumed kosher based on the DOA's guarantee.

There are many, however, do not rely on this, and will eat only dairy products that are designated as Cholov Yisrael (literally, "Jewish milk"). This is particularly true in large Jewish communities, where Cholov Yisrael is widely available.

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein wrote that under limited conditions, such as an institution which consumes a lot of milk and Cholov Yisrael is generally unavailable or especially expensive, American milk is acceptable, as the government supervision is adequate to prevent non-kosher ingredients from being added.

It should be added that the above only applies to milk itself, which is marketed as pure cow's milk. All other dairy products, such as cheeses and butter, may contain non-kosher ingredients and always require kosher certification. In addition, Rabbi Feinstein's ruling applies only in the United States, where government regulations are considered reliable. In other parts of the world, including Europe, Cholov Yisrael is a requirement.

There are additional esoteric reasons for being stringent regarding Cholov Yisrael, and because of this it is generally advisable to consume only Cholov Yisroel dairy foods.

In 1889, 800 Jews arrived in Buenos Aires, marking the birth of the modern Jewish community in Argentina. These immigrants were fleeing poverty and pogroms in Russia, and moved to Argentina because of its open door policy of immigration. By 1920, more than 150,000 Jews were living in Argentina. Juan Peron's rise to power in 1946 was an ominous sign, as he was a Nazi sympathizer with fascist leanings. Peron halted Jewish immigration to Argentina, introduced mandatory Catholic religious instruction in public schools, and allowed Argentina to become a haven for fleeing Nazis. (In 1960, Israeli agents abducted Adolf Eichmann from a Buenos Aires suburb.) Today, Argentina has the largest Jewish community in Latin America with 250,000, though terror attacks have prompted many young people to emigrate. In 1992, the Israeli Embassy in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 32 people. In 1994, the Jewish community headquarters in Buenos Aires was bombed, killing 85 people. The perpetrators have never been apprehended.

Be aware of what situations and behaviors give you pleasure. When you feel excessively sad and cannot change your attitude, make a conscious effort to take some action that might alleviate your sadness.

If you anticipate feeling sad, prepare a list of things that might make you feel better. It could be talking to a specific enthusiastic individual, running, taking a walk in a quiet area, looking at pictures of family, listening to music, or reading inspiring words.

While our attitude is a major factor in sadness, lack of positive external situations and events play an important role in how we feel.

[If a criminal has been executed by hanging] his body may not remain suspended overnight ... because it is an insult to God (Deuteronomy 21:23).

Rashi explains that since man was created in the image of God, anything that disparages man is disparaging God as well.

Chilul Hashem, bringing disgrace to the Divine Name, is one of the greatest sins in the Torah. The opposite of chilul Hashem is kiddush Hashem, sanctifying the Divine Name. While this topic has several dimensions to it, there is a living kiddush Hashem which occurs when a Jew behaves in a manner that merits the respect and admiration of other people, who thereby respect the Torah of Israel.

What is chilul Hashem? One Talmudic author stated, "It is when I buy meat from the butcher and delay paying him" (Yoma 86a). To cause someone to say that a Torah scholar is anything less than scrupulous in meeting his obligations is to cause people to lose respect for the Torah.

Suppose someone offers us a business deal of questionable legality. Is the personal gain worth the possible dishonor that we bring not only upon ourselves, but on our nation? If our personal reputation is ours to handle in whatever way we please, shouldn't we handle the reputation of our nation and the God we represent with maximum care?

Jews have given so much, even their lives, for kiddush Hashem. Can we not forego a few dollars to avoid chilul Hashem?

Today I shall...

be scrupulous in all my transactions and relationships to avoid the possibility of bringing dishonor to my God and people.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...