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Friday, November 7, 2014

"Sorry, baby, I was loving you with all I have. Even though I was also loving Tiffany and Erica and Michelle with all I have too."

I'm going to go ahead and spew some Nicholas Sparks style bullshit: even if they love you with "all they have," if it's not the love you want, crave, or desire then you need to NEXT their ass. Life is too short for mediocre and excuses.

Hey, Captain Obvious here! Just wanted to point out: Christmas isn't the only holiday during December.

Cheese and rice, this one gets on my nerves. How are you going to get pissy about someone offering you a nice sentiment? If you wanna say Merry Christmas, say it! If they wanna say Happy Holidays, why do you care so much? Let me reiterate: SOMEONE IS BEING NICE TO YOU. Getting pissy about Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays makes me think of a line from The Best Movie Ever Made: You got a reindeer up your butt?

No.

Just no.

Can the fear-mongering behind this just go away? My kids recite the pledge every morning - including the words "under God." They also listen to the national anthem and observe a moment of silence. In their very ethnically diverse public school.

Yeah, this one is merely fear-mongering that dem ebil liberals are going to take over our God-fearing country. LET THIS DIE. PLEASE.

This one always gives me the sads when I see it. I LOVE having girlfriends. I NEED girlfriends. What guy friend is going to understand when I'm on my period and need to wash down an order of McDonald's fries with a pint of ice cream while crying about something that happened on Will and Grace thirteen years ago?

Maybe there's less drama in friendships with males (though, really? EYE ROLL. I consider my bff's husband to be a friend and he and I bicker and argue. She and I never do) but we NEED girlfriends.

There's absolutely nothing new or revolutionary about having a vagina and liking sports. Nada.

Anything that begins with "I'm the type of girl who" or "I'm just a girl who" can die in a fire. Like, yesterday. We get it. You trip over stuff and you laugh at things that happened yesterday. Just like everyone else in the world.

And since I've reached my bitchy quota for a post, I'll leave you with these memes that are free to live forever:

Happy weekend!

(And notice: no ebola memes. Still hurts to cough. Didn't even laugh at the Brad/ Carrie "Quarantine" duet the other night because I'm too afraid of karma!)