Winterizing

It’s
that time of year again: leaves are falling from the trees in a virtual rainbow
of reds, oranges and yellows, the hummingbirds are sucking our feeders dry and
tapping on our windows demanding refills every 4 hours in preparation for their
annual Winter Migration, and the ‘gotta do before it rains’ projects that have
been piling up all summer are suddenly assuming an atmosphere of extreme urgency
as said rains could be here any week (though given the absence of the Annual
Kitchen Ant Invasion portent, I’m willing to bet the wet will hold off a
while).

Our
Winterizing list of DIY projects includes:

1. Stock up on RAID to take advantage of sales
ammunition for the Annual Ant Wars of Winter. Usually the four-footers have the
inside edge, as they stage their invasion just before said RAID sales take
place.

2. Invest in Rat Potion #9. The ants are
closely followed by their larger brethren the rats, who have long held the
inside track up our interior bathroom walls from crawlspace under da house to
the attic; a route coveted by possums, rats, mice, and likely a host of other
denizens we never see ‘cause we (sensibly) don’t climb up there! This year the
manufacturer has seen fit to change the tried-and-true formula in their Rat
Candy, likely anticipating my first agreement to spring for $50 worth of the
‘bigger buckets’ to stem the growing tide. And our gourmet rats are leaving the
offerings untouched. Oh joy. Get out the ’44; it’s huntin’ time down in the ‘ole
barn!

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3. Hot Tub: drain and refill. Actually this
dreaded project was encouraged not so much by the onslaught of winter (and a
deck subsequentially too slippery to navigate) as by water that turned
yellow-green and refused any chemical balance. When even the local tree frogs
refused to slip in to commit their ritual evening suicide, it was MORE THAN
TIME.

4. Deleaf the gutters. Since Man first built
House, this job has been a honeydo non-favorite, especially unpopular around
here since our resident yellowjackets discovered they could happily nest in some
of the gutters under the leaves, making the entire home improvement project an
exercise in the effectiveness of the life-saving
Epipen.

5. Seal the motorhome. Let’s face it: NOBODY
likes to face the midnight specter of their motor home bed flooded by incoming
water from gale-force winter storms above. Let alone 2 years in a row.
It.Is.TIME.

6. Paint the old car. You heard me. Now, most
would say ‘BRING it to the shop
to get it painted’, but being a DIY kinda gal on a low budget with a high
imagination, I’m applying the fuschia hood and roof accents MYSELF, with a
little help from my friend. Yet another reason to happily own a reliable
20-year-old car with (and I quote) “NO RESALE VALUE”. The sky’s the
limit!

7. Fix the furnace – once and for all. Every
year the Furnace Wars heat up (or, in this case, cool down) with the battle
starting at the thermostat and culminating each morning in a freezing cold
garage shaking wires to jumpstart the sukkah (resisting the urge to take an ax
to the gas lines with predictibly unpleasant outcomes). THIS year I believe the
battle has already been fought and won over a carbonized igniter. Time will tell
– but I swear I hear the Beast snickering evilly in the garage, probably
plotting a strike on the coldest night of the year on a holiday weekend devoid
of any possibility of a repair person’s shivering appearance. (footnote: EPIC
FAIL…)

8. Pie.

You
heard me. It’s the best thing to include on a winterizing shopping list when the
battles with ants, rats and furnace have been won, the old car’s been two-tone
painted and the motorhome sealed, the hummingbirds have at last quit pestering
you for refills and have flown da coop, and you’re sitting in your hot tub
listening to the owls hoot.

Pie,
made from those apples that fell off your very own tree this summer, frozen for
winter enjoyment.

The
smell of cinnamon and sugar and apples blends with the thrill of victory and
makes winter worthwhile!

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