Not only is a panicked response unattractive, but it will likely cause you to push this person further away.

When we panic, we forgo the majority of our ability to use logic and reason to solve our dilemma and instead resort to a purely emotional response that usually plays into the hand of the enemy or makes us more susceptible to the danger.

A perfect example is in the case of a quarterback in football since we are all our own quarterback in life. The quarterback is like the on-field coach of the team. His decisions are paramount to the success of the team.

The quarterback, however, is vulnerable. Because he is looking downfield in order to throw a pass to an open receiver, he sometimes doesn’t see the defense rushing toward him. He relies on other players to block those defenders for him. But when his teammates aren’t able to block them, the quarterback often sees the defender too late to effectively throw a pass.

Good quarterbacks have trained themselves not to panic in this situation. They will run away from the defender and pick up whatever positive yardage they can or they will throw the pass out of bounds in order to prevent the risk of the defense getting the ball.

But you’ve probably seen replays of what happens when a quarterback succumbs and panics. He attempts to throw the pass anyway, but the motion of throwing only moves him closer to the oncoming defender. The hit from the defender prevents the quarterback from throwing accurately to his target and another defender intercepts the ball. This often results in the defense running the ball down field for a touchdown since the quarterback and his team are now terribly out of position to stop them.

It’s a classic case of what happens when someone panics in a difficult situation instead of utilizing logic, reason, and the power of remaining calm.

After A Breakup

When it comes to being broken up with, I’ve been there and know firsthand, that for many of us, our first reaction is to panic. The word “panic,” might even be saying it mildly. I’ve been on coaching calls with some in this situation whose reaction has been to majorly freak out!

The person we love has blindsided you. The rug has been yanked out from under you and you feel that the other person has rejected you in total. This person who you feel knows you well and who you thought had a genuine connection with you has decided to they would rather be without you. It feels absolute and permanent.

You might feel that it is because of their intimate knowledge of you that this person has chosen to leave, as though they have come to the conclusion that you aren’t worthy of their love.

If you are experiencing this right now, allow yourself a short break from your emotions. Try to think of nothing else but inhaling and exhaling. In a few minutes, you may return to the sorrow and panic, but for now, just consider a few things that might help you to find peace and to see things from a new, and more accurate, perspective.

First, there is plenty of time. You don’t have to win this person back today. You don’t have to convince your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend to get back together with you right away or today in order to get them back. The odds are, if you have been with this person for more than a couple of months, that they can’t move on quickly anyway. Even if your ex wanted out of your relationship, they will still need time to heal, process, and find emotional balance before they can think of considering another person as a love interest. If they rush into a rebound relationship, these rarely last very long.

So the panic you feel is likely unnecessary. As long as the two of you are alive, there’s hope for reconciliation. For all you know, this breakup could simply be a temporary setback.

Even though it feels like it, you don’t have to reach out and grab this person so that they don’t leave – in fact, that will likely only make them run away faster and farther. This is where staying calm can be a powerful tool to increase the chances your ex coming back to you.

Second, what you feel is psychologically predictable. What I mean by that is that this person has become more attractive to you because they have pulled away. By breaking up with you they have made themselves seem out of reach and that makes you want them even more.

I have sat with people one day who wanted to break up with someone and the next day desperately wanted that person back because the other person had left them first. So understand that some of what you feel is a little bit of the hard-to-get phenomenon. It’s not necessarily because you want this person or even love them as badly as you think you do at this moment.

Third, if you stay away from this person and allow them to truly experience the breakup, you give them the chance to realize it’s not what they want. Whereas if you call, text, and go to them to beg them back, they aren’t getting to see what it’s like without you.

If you believe your relationship with your ex was a great thing and had lots of great times, then bet on that. Back off and give that person the opportunity to miss you. It sounds simple, but you might be surprised to learn that this simple tip is often all it takes to get this person back. It will likely take time rather than happening all at once, but so did the breakup. This person didn’t just wake up one day and decide to break up with you. It likely took weeks or months. Deciding they were wrong and that they want you in their life likely won’t be a quick decision either.

I hope you feel better at this point and don’t see a reason to go back to panicking. But if you do, maybe read this article again and allow yourself to believe it.

Coach Lee helps people get their ex back after a breakup and to have healthy relationships so that a breakup does not happen in the first place. He has been in the relationship-recovery service for nineteen years. For more information and articles on relationships, see his website, My Ex Back Coach.

Lee has lectured at Pepperdine University and Lipscomb University. He was interviewed by BravoTV, and Today Extra in addition to being an on-air contributor to “Give and Take,” a national radio show about relationships that aired in 28 U.S. states.

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