This blog is all about me - not my children, my job, my family. Just me. It's great to have a space of my own in the world! Thank you for being here and enjoy your stay!
"LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS.......... IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN."

STAND BY ME

Thursday, June 1, 2017

This has been the most horrible year of my entire life. Charlie passed away on January 12, 2017. Drugs of course. He had so many drugs in such huge amounts in his system they couldn't even tell what actually killed him.

We were talking at 3:30 in the morning. He looked like he was really out of it and I begged him to stop. He said he was going to eat something and then go to sleep. "I love you Charlie" "I love you Ma." At 8 am when I woke up and forced the bathroom door open my son was dead. I still can't believe it. I don't even know how to write this without it sounding like a work of fiction.

It's been 4 months and nothing is easier, the pain does not let up. Sometimes, in my days of less sanity, I convince myself he is in rehab and will be back. The on clearer days I know I will never see him again and I want to die.

Carlitos, Jose Carlos and the rest of the clan were here for a week. They left the Sunday before Memorial Day. Kristina, Derrick and girls came over late on Sunday but we went out on the boat on Memorial Day and had a really good day!