A Couple Randomish Things

I realized the other day how much easier (in some ways) this parenting gig has gotten recently! As I laid down with Amia to put her to sleep, which only took one minute (seriously), I immediately flashed to the old days when it would take HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS for her to fall asleep. Once she was out she was out for a couple hours, but I still have shell shock remembering how it was midnight, we were all exhausted, and she'd been crying for 2 hours already, just praying she'd fall asleep. Oh man. And up until now it's been a relatively long process teaching Amia how to do everything herself--going to the bathroom, flushing, washing hands, choosing pajamas, getting the diaper on, brushing teeth, saying prayers, reading books, and finally turning out the light, which usually involved some technique to help her get to sleep. That would take a couple hours in and of itself since we were really dedicated to encouraging and showing her how much she can do on her own, knowing that she was ready to do those things. It's kind of amazing when you have to teach someone how to do all these things that we take for granted, you realize how many steps are involved and how many different processes are involved. But now, for the past month or two I'd say, it's gotten really efficient and the whole thing takes about 30 minutes total. Montessori pre-school has really nurtured a lot of the independence and feeling of empowerment, which we're so grateful for. You can really see her just developing this world view of "I can do this. I'm capable." While it is a bit pricey since it's private school, really what we're getting out of it as a family is invaluable and makes up for things being tight in other places.

But getting back to the idea of things getting easier, I once heard someone say that as kids age the issues and challenges generally move from physical to mental in nature, and that's totally true. I feel like I may have mentioned this before, but while Suzanne and I can count on getting a night's sleep, for example, there are a whole other boat load of challenges and opportunities to engage with. For example, our little Amia hit another student for the first time at school. How do you deal with that!? Suzanne and I were reflecting after we talked about it with Amia how thankful we are that she's really open to talking about this stuff with us. I just mentioned to her, Did you hit your friend today at school?, and out came the whole story, complete with demonstration of the offending act. We talked about it with her, what it means to feel angry, what she can do instead, how she can choose to act differently, what she can say to the person that she feels is angering her, why she got a time out at school, etc., and that was that. Our hope is that she'll always feel like she can do this, come to us with something she did, whatever it is, and feel comfortable knowing that we'll listen and try to understand. So much hurt comes, it seems, when people feel like they can't be honest with each other. And while justice definitely plays a part in parenting, so does mercy, compassion, and understanding. We'll probably figure it all out by the time Amia has her own children. That's my guess.

We just got Leopard, the update for Mac OS X, and it's pretty, useful and fun. I wish I had this computer at work.

I just started watching Studio 60 on th Sunset Strip. I've decided that I'd watch a show about the making of phone books if Aaron Sorkin writes it.

We just played a really fun game that a friend of ours created. It's called Treasures and Traps, and it's a card game (nominated for a gaming award!). It's really fun, creative, inexpensive, easy to learn but involves a good amount of strategy, and can be played relatively quickly. Highly recommended!

Comments

Katie-Thank you. It always helps to hear that you're doing something right as a parent! Seems like so often we're just hoping we are. Every day is an opportunity to learn something new.

Erika-We're watching the first season. Yeah, it got canceled after that :( But he is coming out with a new movie I saw, something about the presidency I think. That's interesting about the second child dynamics. That's a really good idea, the deep breathing. We should try that...

Mojan-Yes! One day, he will just go to sleep. No one can say exactly when it will happen, but gradually it'll happen. Every child is so different. I hope it happens sooner than later for you guys!

We loved Studio 60 but didn't think it was on air anymore - heard last year that it was the last season. Are you watching a new season or reruns?

The funny thing about having a second child is that I don't have so much time to teach him like I did my first. But actually, he just watches the oldest and learns from her and starts doing things all on his own (like self-pottying training - I swear I have nothing to do with it, he's doing it all on his own). You also have about 1000 opportunities each day to teach them to "use gentle hands" and "Please, stop!". We've spent the last several months practicing deep breathing together to calm down when one or the other (or me) gets angry. Hugely valuable life skills.

i love your "random things" posts. they give a great picture of what's on your mind. and that amia -- such a treasure -- and much of that is who she is, and the school, etc. but don't forget how much of it, too, is you and suzanne's parenting style that allows her to be her.