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BAD GIRLS BEHIND BARS

Alrighty then, today I am reviewing the latest softcore cinematic release from Retromedia (or at least the latest one that they’ve actually released on DVD, for some reason not as many of these films get DVD releases lately), this one from a new director. Sal V. Miers, who after appearing as an actor in small roles in previous Retromedia films, Bikini Time Machine and Bikini Warriors, takes the directing reigns this time around. His IMDB paage lists this as the 2nd film he’s directed (the first one, Bikini Model Mayhem, has not been released as of yet, but is due in March under the title CYBORG HOOKERS). Actually, with these films, who knows which one was actually filmed first? I guess it doesn’t really matter other than to say that Miers is a newbie when it comes to directing, and this film does exhibit some first-time director flaws, in my opinion, which I will get to.

First, Retromedia has assembled an impressive cast of gorgeous women for this, starting with leading actress Jacqui Holland. Holland plays a newspaper reporter named Georgina, who is following a story regarding a mysterious Mafia boss named Mr. Big who has gone missing with $15 million of stolen casino money. She gets word that Mr. Big’s girlfriend Renee is in prison, so Georgina gets her editor to somehow arrange for her to be sent undercover into the prison, so she can try to get to know her and get information about Mr. Big. The key is that no one in the prison, not even the warden (who is played by adult film actress Katie Morgan, in her softcore debut), or the one and aparently only guard in the prison (played by Andy Espinoza Long) is aware that Georgina is really a reporter.

Okay, story wise, this isn’t exactly original, as a woman going undercover in a prison to solve a crime is pretty much the premise of an earlier Retromedia release, BABY DOLLS BEHIND BARS, and in fact I find it notable that no writer for this film is listed, either on the IMDB page or in the credits of the film itself. Nevertheless, it’s enough to move a story forward.

In prison, Georgina is placed in a cell with a woman who is only known as “Crazy Ass”, played by Erika Jordan. Other than one scene where she and Georgina are playing cards in the prison yard and Crazy Ass starts shouting at Georgina before reverting back to being calm, she acts pretty normal and thus the nickname seems random. While trying not to blow her cover, Georgina tries to find a way to make contact with Renee (who is played Sarah Hunter) who is being held in solitary confinement at the time. The movie takes a twist when (SPOILER ALERT), Georgina manages to call her editor from the prison, only to find out that he suddenly died (or has been killed, it’s not exactly clear what happened, just that he’s dead), and since he’s the only one who knows Georgina’s true status, now she has no way to get out of prison!

I’ll spoil no further of the film, you’ll have to tune in to find out the ending. Like most Retromedia softcore films, it’s a short one, about an hour and 15 minutes. And, like I said, the story is not particularly original, but it’s not bad. As the lead actress with the most screen-time Jacqui Holland pretty much carries this film, and does an admiral job in the acting department. She plays it mostly straight, although there’s a few bits of humor thrown in, but it’s not over-the-top. But now let me get to the most important part of these films: THE SEX SCENES.

There are 7 in total, which is again pretty standard for Retromedia films. 3 of which are male/female while the remaining 4 are lesbian scenes (this being a Women In Prison film, that is to be expected, after all). The scenes range from around 5 to 9 minutes long. Jacqui Holland is in 5 scenes altogether, one with adult film star Derrick Pierce, who has a small role as a mob henchmen that Georgina tries to interview. For some reason, he’s wearing some really bad toupee when the film begins, which immediately comes off to reveal his bald head once the sex starts, She also has a scene with Andy Espinoza Long, who plays the aforementioned prison guard, named Jenkins, as well as a lesbian scene with Katie Morgan, another with one with Erika Jordan, and another one with Sarah Hunter.

The remaining two scenes are Katie Morgan and Andy Espinoza Long and Erika Jordan with adult film actress Cindy Starfall, who plays a fellow prison inmate.

So like I said in the beginning these are all gorgeous women, so you can’t help but enjoy what you see. And for the ladies (and some of you dudes, you know who you are), Andy Espinoza Long seems to be quickly becoming rather popular, and he does a good job in his scenes (not to mention being a decent actor in general, so he’s convincing in his non-sex scenes too). However I think that Miers’ inexperience as a director shows in some of these sex scenes. There’s a certain repetitiveness to the scenes. With the lesbian scenes you pretty much see the same moves over and over. In all scenes the women scissor each other, which sometimes can look hot, but then often just look like the two actress are simply banging their crotches together while trying to look turned on. There’s a particular move that’s in most of the lesbian scenes, where one woman will be on her knees behind the other woman who is also on her knees, reaching in front to put her hand between the other woman’s legs, as the other woman reaches back to put her hands between that woman’s legs, as if they’re both mutually fingering each other. Which just seems like an awkward position to do that in. And also oral sex, which never looks that hot in softcore sex scenes, since you can’t actually show anything thing so you just see the back of one person’s head in between the other person’s legs. It’s particularly egregious in the Holland/Pierce scene, since it’s altogether about 9 minutes long, but the first 4 minutes are just Pierce going down on Holland. So, like I said, it’s her laying back on a couch, while Pierce is bending down in front of her, it kinda gets boring.

Another thing with that first scene, it just sort of cuts off quickly, doesn’t really end. Pierce is banging her from behind doggystyle, and then the scene cuts to Jacqui in her car on the phone with her editor. It felt abrupt. A directing mistake. Another one is in the Jacqui Holland/Erika Jordan scene which starts with Holland still in her bra, and then in a split second it’s just gone, we never see it taken off. But, back to the lesbian scenes, to me, the biggest turn on in softcore lesbian scenes is when the women kiss, deep kissing with tongue, and licking and sucking on each other’s breasts. But this film didn’t seem to do much of that, focusing more on the faux fingering and scissoring. And, strangely enough, for a WIP film, there wasn’t a single shower scene! C’mon, that’s a staple of the genre. Also the scene with Katie Morgan and Andy Espinoza Long started off like it was going to be a femdom scene (which you know is something I like), with her forcing him to get on his knees and lick her boots and call her “Mistress”, but then it quickly turns into a standard sex scene (albeit a good one). It just felt like a missed opportunity to do something a little different.

To be clear, this is no fault of the cast, who clearly appear to be putting in an effort. My two favorite scenes are the ones with Erika Jordan. I know I probably seem biased, since I’ve made it clear in previous reviews that she’s one of my favorite softcore actresses, but then that’s the point, in that she is the most experienced actress in this film, so therefor it shouldn’t be surprised that she makes the best scenes. Despite some cheesiness in her dialog (she asks Starfall’s character “Are those panties for sale? Because I want to see them 100% off!”), she really comes through, and knows to include some deep kissing in her scenes. In particular, her and Jacqui, whom she’s worked with in BIKINI AVENGERS and other side projects, have excellent chemistry. I was disappointed that we didn’t get a little more of Sarah Hunter. I’ve been very impressed with her since I first saw her in SEXUALLY BUGGED!, and have been wanting to see more of her ever since. With her on the box cover, I thought she’d have a bigger role, and more than one sex scene. Still, what we do see of her is good.

So, a good film. But I think with a more experienced director it could have been GREAT. I think Sal V. Miers has potential, and I look forward to seeing his future work, but for now there is room to improve. So the highest I can give this film is a Chacebook rating of FOUR STARS.

P.S. The extras for this DVD show a trailer for an upcoming Retromedia release called Vixens From Venus, which appears to finally have a Black male in a starring role. More POC in these softcore films is something I’ve pushing for, for awhile, so I’m definitely looking forward to that (no word on a release date yet).