Friday, October 20, 2006

Southern Pussy

Scarlett my ex-southern belle called me...

This past Thursday, we talked about families, kids and our love life. Of course my love life is currently non-existent-especially the sex part. This was hard. Aside from her body-I’m susceptible to the melody and rhythm of her southern voice. At the same time, I’m very fearful of being caught-up in my affliction for the psychological fugue that overwhelms when we talk.

“Hey Rhett, this is Scarlett, I’m driving through the most beautiful country in Kentucky. The trees are changing faster even and farther along than Georgia. They’re gold and burgundy and orange and just wonderful and the grass is still green-so beautiful. I’m driving and passing the exit of Lincoln’s birthplace (a side trip we took on the way back to Peach Country) and I thought it would be an appropriate time to talk.” I couldn't put the phone down or hang-up.

“I’ve met someone...!” I felt relief as she shared a few things about the "new soldier". Later, she asked me directly about our breakup and how abrupt it was. I used anger to break it off with her. “It’s over-I’m through with you!” It didn’t matter what I said. She would call again and I would buckle and succumb each time. I couldn’t tell her she was full of shit because when I did, she’d be hurt. I fell for her feigned weakness. I patched things up. I was a pathetic “Johnny Rebel on the spot.”

Awhile back, I drew strength from a Yankee who helped me with breaking up. He was so determined to break-up with his girlfriend-he whacked off before telling her it was over. Unorthodox but effective! Inspired, I stopped answering her-I had had enough!

She asked why I was hostile in the break-up. So I asked if she knew the word misogyny-she knew the word. I said, “I was pissed-I painted a broad brush with women. You happened to be the target of my hyper-sensitivity to coercion and manipulation. I couldn’t make the distinction between my anger and what you wanted or intended. Later as an aside comment she said, “I keep my lips sealed now. I don’t even tell my soldier where to park in a parking lot.”

Although I thought about it, I thought it wasn't a good idea and unnecessary to go into her Misandry-its over!

Another thing, I felt this conversation with Scarlett was unfinished business that needed finishing. I had used anger with our multitude of break-ups. I’m not proud of this. I want to think that this was an attempt to amend my transgression by acknowledging my part in it and my responsibility.

I believe the conversation went okay. There was some clarity that I held on to. I’m sure there are comments with a differing opinion. By the way, it helped that I shared with the Calvary my missive about my misogyny. Thanks to Calvary for the insight and exposure-especially Bathsheba, who was the target of my anger and Mildred who was the impetus of my fugue!