Love Letters: Why Men Want to Date Their Moms

Before we get into the lovey dovey stuff, a friend asked me a related question last week:

“Do readers ever get offended by your answers? You can be kinda blunt sometimes.”

Submitting a question to Georgia Mae’s Love Letters column is like sitting on the front row of a SeaWorld event – enjoying the show means you might get drenched by my sarcasm. Just try not to slip and fall on your face on your way out. But no, so far I haven’t had anyone go all Blu Cantrell on me. I think everyone appreciates a little tough love.

If you too would like to get doused by a wave of relationship knowledge, hit me up.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.

Here’s today’s question:

Should a woman be running from a man who says he’s looking for a woman that’s just like his momma?

KJ

Sometimes I think women freak out a bit too much when menfolk say they want a woman like their mom. Or maybe I’m just saying that because I’m one of those menfolk.

It’s not unusual that we compare our significant others to our parents. For better or worse, they’re often our role models for future relationships. Women who adore their dads, like my wifey, look for similar traits in their men. For example, my dad-in-law and I seem to have absolutely nothing in common (the man thinks Tevin Campbell is better than Keith Sweat – the nerve of him…) but if you ask the wifey, she’ll say that we’re both protective, comforting and nurturing. Or so I’m told. Icky Garbaj probably feels otherwise.

Likewise, for us guys, our moms are our first relationship role models. Now in many cases, women take this to mean, “He wants me to cook and clean and wash his dirty draws.” Not necessarily.

Two of my favorite girls: My mom and my dog Zena

My mom is definitely a domestic dynamo. The woman gets up at 4 a.m., makes breakfast for everyone, goes to work, comes home around 6:30 p.m., makes dinner for everyone, does paperwork for my dad’s business, cleans the house, does laundry, endures whatever foolishness my dad and brother put her through that evening, and crawls in the bed around 11:30 without complaint.

Yeah, I wanted a woman like my mom, and I found her.

No, Javacia doesn’t make Thanksgiving dinner every day and you must be crazy if you think she’s doing laundry at 10 p.m. But the wifey shares my mom’s love and commitment to family.

Ladies, it’s not always about what mom does. It’s about why she does it.

Now, yes, I’m sure there are some dudes who wants a woman “to cook and clean and wash his dirty draws.” That dude doesn’t want someone like his mom – he wants someone like his maid. That’s not a knock against the domestic divas out there – I know plenty of women who love keeping house. You are appreciated. But I also know women who love keeping house so the place is nice and tidy when their smash buddy stops by. Cooking and cleaning doesn’t always make a woman a good catch.

Remember ladies, a guy’s mom isn’t always the prototype for hired help, like Rosie from the Jetsons. Often, she’s just the prototype for a good woman. It can be a tough act to follow, but if you’re truly committed to your man it won’t be an issue.

Time for a Love Letters Bonus Track! It’s like a Lauryn Hill album!

Do you believe that a man who boasts about how many “female friends” he has and how much they are “getting it in” are really doing these things or is that a man with low self-esteem stroking his ego?

SE

Playa, I have a lot of close female friends, but I’m not “getting it in” with any of them. That’s actually kinda gross to think about. So I guess you’re talking about those pesky “friends with benefits.” I bet those three words have stirred up more drama than “Where’s my money,” “Yo momma’s ugly,” and, worst of all, “Love And Hip-Hop.” Ugh.

If it sounds like I’m rambling, it’s because I’m trying to distract myself from this question. Look, if a dude is bragging about all the sex he’s having with random women, does it really matter if he’s stroking his own ego or if one of those chicks is stroking it? Either he’s liar or a blatant slut puppy. In either case, would you really wanna start a relationship with that guy? Keep it moving, playa, or you’ll soon be one of his “female friends.”