MENTAL HEALTH: FOCUS ON SELF-REGULATION

Did you know that the ability to share and take turns doesn’t develop in children until between 3 and 4 years of age?

Did you know that impulse control (the ability to resist the desire to do something) doesn’t begin to develop until about 4 years of age?

Did you know that being able to regulate emotions also doesn’t begin to develop until about age 4?

We often expect a lot from our children and a study conducted by ZERO TO THREE has shown that many parents have unrealistic expectations for their children specifically in areas that involve self-regulation. To read more about this study click here.

The good news is that the development of self-regulation is a process that begins at birth and is supported through the responsive relationships that a child has with primary caregivers (parents and other important caregivers). Self-regulation includes the ability to show a range of emotions (joy, frustration, sadness, excitement) and to manage those emotions and behaviors in safe, healthy ways. Self-regulation is important in getting along with others and being ready to learn.

Self-regulation in infants and toddlers looks like:

Being able to calm down with comfort from a trusted caregiver,

Showing different emotions such as smiling when happy and crying when hungry or uncomfortable, and

Seeking a trusted adult for comfort when upset or using a pacifier or other security object to support calming.

You can support self-regulation for infants and toddlers by:

Responding to your child’s individual cues and needs consistently,

Talking about your child’s needs and emotions to them, and

Offering positive guidance and choices to support appropriate behavior.

Self-regulation in preschoolers looks like the developing ability to:

Share and cooperate with others,

Show patience and wait,

Calm down on his or her own, and

Handle anger and frustration.

You can support self-regulation for preschoolers by:

Partnering with your child during moments of frustration and anger to help them learn strategies to calm down,

Naming and discussing your own feelings as well as your child’s feelings, and

Using simple guidance strategies such as offering choices, having consistent, age-appropriate expectations, and reminding children of the expectations.

These are just a few of the things you can do to support a child’s self-regulation. Remember that self-regulation is a on-going process that is just beginning to take shape in the first five years of life. As children build their self-regulation, they are also building their mental health and resilience.