Google Adsense banned us a few days ago again, as they’ve done many times before in lesser fashions. This time it was because of an article published more than 8-years ago, which had literally zero traffic, according to… well, according to Google.

Listen, dastardly bastards, if you’re motto is “do no evil,” then consider, you know, not being evil fucking bastards once in a while… I’m just saying this as a publisher. Kinda tone down the evil factor.

But since I’m already on the outs with you, dear Googleages, let me expand on it a bit.

You say “content is king,” but if that’s true, why do you reward the reprint spammers who steal content infinitely over actual content producers? Is it because you don’t even have a handle on your own system, or because you don’t care as long as the rampant aggregators bring you sufficient funds to keep the whole thing afloat?

I’m going to guess it has to do with money over content, value and overall benefit of the web. I’m guessing that because of, you know, your search results.

To be quite plain, let me just say this… Fuck you, Google. You’ve never afforded me the benefit of the doubt, and I know from first-hand accounts you do that for bigger publishers. I told you point-blank that you’re my primary (damn near ONLY) source of revenue, and it meant nothing. You don’t ban bigger publishers, nor smaller ones. I’m just in that sweet spot where you can’t bother to hesitate banning me.

I deleted NINE YEARS of archive stories to satisfy your sick, sadistic, fucked up appetite for free-market censorship, and even that wasn’t enough, apparently. In any other situation this would be a censorship outrage, but no, this is just normal business.

Do you really want me to shoot a letter of cooperation to the folks at Bing? I can. From what I can tell, they’re desperate for people like me (actual content producers with over a decade of consistent production history) to make partners with.

I’ve bent over backwards to accommodate your random, bullshit, assorted requests, and after ten years together this is how you treat me? Jesus Google, I’d think you’re my mom and I just came out as gay. I’m your forgotten child. Do you really want me to disclose how much money you’ve given me to date?

I’ve heard horror stories from three of my writers about Google Adsense in the past, but just assumed they were blowing it out of proportion. Nope, you guys are the very definition of sociopathic soul-fuckers. You make final decisions, stand by them, and to bloody-all hell with you and your entire business thereafter. You guys really are evil. The Wifi capturing on the Google cars? Truly sick and evil.

This may very well shut down the site entirely. Bad news, there’s nowhere you can complain to. They set it up that way very specifically, and you can’t avoid them, they’ve got a patent monopoly.

So Google, if you were a person, and I met you, I would punch you square in the mouth. Sounds sadistic, but I only feel that way because you’ve punched me in the balls five times now to date. “Do no evil”??? Yeah, that sounds as good as Fox News saying “fair and balanced” and Papa Johns saying “Better ingredients, better pizza.” It’s just various forms of the same steaming pile of shit.

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

Haven’t had it happen to me, but have heard of it and I don’t doubt it.
Google ‘see no evil’ is the same corporation that agreed to strict censorship in China so that they could get their hands and feet in the door.

google regularly ban my sites – The problem is that you build a site according to what they want to see – they then change what they want to see – they then ban you because you are doing something they once regarded as perfect and now regard as "evil".

The only great internet businesses built their businesses by not relying on google for traffic.

Wait a minute, let me get this straight: Google gives websites money AND gives up their private search info to the Feds? What a country! Seriously, though, they never did like my blog well enough to hook me up to the powerlines of their profit, so Google can just Google themselves.

Saw this under a photo of a Chinese protester at Obama’s Chinese/US summit :

The day before any presidents arrived at Sunnylands, Jiang Pinchao was at the protester barricade with his banners hoping to promote awareness of the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989. He was a student leader in the protests and was jailed for four years for his involvement. He was also the first author to be blocked by Google.

The bastards banned me, for what reason I’m not sure. They indicated lack of original content, which was totally untrue. I responded to that and asked for further detail – they quickly declined my appeal and that was it. No redress. They also took $1,000 that was in the account. They claim they’ll refund the advertisers (what for? – legitimate ad clicks). Very annoying. Lesson is: DON”T RELY ON ADSENSE FOR EARNINGS! Those tyrants can’t be trusted.