Love & Relationships

Finding the Right Guy

01.10.12

Attracting the right people in your life doesn’t have to be complicated – but it does take vision and work. There will always be people that come into your life for a season, both positive people and those who are negative. So, it’s important to know how to draw the right companions, especially in the dating world. Cotton Candy contributor and New York City therapist Irina Firstein explains the steps you need to take to identify, attract and keep the right man in your life.

Ladies, before anything you must have clear picture of the person you would like to attract into your life – and the vision should go beyond physical qualities. Think about his demeanor, how he carries himself in public – who is he as a person. What are the qualities that you cannot live without? After figuring out the actual qualities and characteristics, you will develop an image, an actual sense and energy for the right person and be able carry it wherever you are, almost as if you already are in this relationship.

An integral part of attracting the right person is to know how you should be treated in a relationship. Know that a certain level of respect and standards must be in place from the beginning. There needs to be clear communication about your expectations. His response to your expectations will help you determine if you have found a good, potential mate.

Contrary to the popular thought that opposites attract, it is actually better for a relationship to be with someone with a similar core belief system. A partner does not have to have the same hobbies but the core of who he is should connect with you. It is healthy to have a person who pushes your boundaries but who also connects with your convictions.

Remember to be patient and optimistic. Negativity is unattractive. So if you are looking to attract Mr. Right, you’ll need a positive attitude. The energy you emanate will either attract or repel the right person. We should point out that contentment should not depend on whether you are with a man, so remember to have a positive attitude whether you are in a relationship or not.

Men are attracted to women who radiate confidence and who are comfortable with themselves. There does need to be a delicate balance of confidence and at the same time openness and even vulnerability in the way you talk and act with men.

Another major magnet is a woman who is interesting. What are you doing that makes you multidimensional and fun? The more you do, the more you will be able to add during conversations on your dates.

Above all, have fun. Do not feel that every date must be the perfect experience or that you must meet the one you want to be with for the rest of your life. Be relaxed and be yourself. The right man will come.

Written by: Irina Firstein, LCSW

Irina Firstein is a relationship therapist in New York City. She has practiced in Midtown Manhattan for more than 20 years. She works with individuals and couples.