30 May 2006

talk about the silver lining.talk about taking adversity and something so sad and turning it into a positive thing.talk about love.talk about amazing.

this site was made to remember alex, the sister of my dearest g1 and e. alex succumbed to anorexia on march 5, 2006. these girls, with the help of good friends, are making an effort to help individuals and families suffering. no bigger hearts, i swear. they amaze me. they are organizing a run (see the remembering alex site for details) and also raising money by selling t-shirts...and damn...they are sweet. even if you can't make it to the run (which i won't be doing...despite my 5am training and all), check out the t-shirts etc. and support this awesome cause.

i have to choose a shirt still. and i'm thinking they would make awesome gifts too...hmmm.

for my sister, aley (an A name...yeah) who started running not too long ago:

for my mother, annie (another A name...sweet!)

who doesn't need a cool logo mug to sip pipin hot coffee out of each and every morning?

for me (although i'm still contemplating my fave):

and this just makes me want a dog:

there's something else on that site that makes me want a baby, but we won't talk about that.

just wanted to share some of my faves...show off the good stuff. these girls, this family, and the cause deserve all the support i hope they get. and also super excited for an announcement from nisa who is doing her part. love it.

26 May 2006

is the most evil time on a friday morning.why is it so difficult today?oh right. the week is catching up.SO.i'm on day 4 of the diet.folks...i have done WELL.i'm proud of myself.i've eaten morechicken &vegies &olive oil &balsamicthan ever before.it's workin.i skipped the "run" yesterday.today i walked (fast).creating new habits.

new dare up today on the dares blog.it's fun...and i had a BLAST making my page.once i finally figured out how to make the 546 photos i took work (slight exaggeration). made it flip open...yeah.:)

i was so incredibly inspired by ali on this one. i'm really enjoying her article in CK...i just wish it wouldn't end so quickly. who would love to see the ali edwards magazine? i mean...this woman has so much energy and creativity and constantly inspires sooo many people. how does she keep her ego in check!!?? amazing down to earthedness going on over there. i've been so motivated to create lately...i think about it all day every day pretty much. and when that little thing called "life" happens to get in the way of me being able to actually DO it all day every day, i just store the motivation. because really, my life is pretty damn enjoyable and inspirational in and of itself.

here's my page...thanks for reading...thanks for looking...may every single one of you have a fabulous friday and a wonderful weekend. xog

24 May 2006

i need to go to bed.it's 11:20, and the alarm will go off at 4:45.i got into a project tonight.a project for friday to be exact ;)and i couldn't stop.and i love it.it's not done...but i already love it.

THIS is what i want to remember for a while.

NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU FEELINFERIOR WITHOUT YOURPERMISSION*eleanor roosevelt

23 May 2006

we shall see what we shall see.i'm doing this with a friend.it's about bloody time...but there are issues.

1. i LOVE food.2. i do not love sprinting around the city (or even moving at a pace that will make my heart pound, my lungs ache, and my body angry)3. especially not loving starting at 5:00am

HMM.

the first part will be the hardest.no sugar.no carbs.moderate fats.i can't even eat carrots for pete's sake!!!!sounds harsh?yep...to me too :(but apparently the idea is that you re-train your body/appetite.yeah.tell that to my bread-and-cheese-and-chocolate-lovin self.

19 May 2006

thanks for the sweet sweet comments & emails...such awesome support.so uplifting.wow.being open to different perspectives is so rewarding.and i do hope i didn't offend anyone...with my reference to the whole online friends thing...cuz man...some of the most important and amazing people in my life are you.it's just that disappointment is still there...just like in real life.but we roll with the punches, right?i still feel so lucky and blessed.for those of you in my life...the genuine people...the people who are willing to reciprocate...be open to friendship as a two-way street.sharing and bearing your souls.enriching my life.i love you.

then there's those i hardly know at all...lurking around.comment, don't comment...i don't mind.it's up to you.if you can relate to anything i say...if i can make you smile or laugh...if i make you mad or sad...(although hopefully not)i appreciate that you come here.

this week's dare was so fun.just to relax and play.let the creativity flow and take over.i was happy with the results.everyone did amazing things with this week's dare.hope you decide to join in!

for my page, i flipped the ad on its side.as soon as i did that, i was reminded of a window pane.i know i've done this before, but i wanted to do it again. so there.i used a plastic card out of my wallet to get those lines of paint...nice and thick.i had the yummy yummy 7G paper sitting on the table...it was begging to get cut out.although that was hard.i love that paper.i then journalled around the pp and the edge of the page...then cut out that window part...then i tore off the left side of the page because it felt a little unbalanced to me.done.

my plans for the weekend?lil man has a soccer game tomorrow.maybe going to see "over the hedge" tomorrow w/ colleen & the boysotherwise cleanin and scrappin.scrappin and cleanin.and hopefully, staying very close to home.need me some home time!

18 May 2006

i cherish those moments of reflection when i am doing some random task like brushing my teeth and i come to a realization that i know for sure will make me a better person or make my life better, even if it's sad or frustrating or difficult.

once in a while i slide into self doubt and insecurity. today it dawned on me that i spent so much of my teenagehood in total angst and manic-ness and anger and sadness and over-the-moon-ness. flying from horribly insecure and depressed to wildly confident and having the time of my life. probably fairly typical for a teenager. the current slips are so reminiscent of those years...it's unsettling.

doubting my art. this is huge for me. in the past year of sharing myself and my art on the internet, i've become enriched beyond belief. met amazing people and seen things and opened my mind up to things that leave me to never be the same again. i gain inspiration from others. i also compare and strive and yearn...to an unhealthy level at times. and it's hard to realize what i'm doing to myself before the funk hits. so important to recognize...and i suppose i will only learn by once in a while living through the funk.

today i was thinking about friendships. i feel the same. you think you know people...you put yourself out there...you can only hope that your efforts will be reciprocated. i wear my heart on my damn sleeve and it just screws me sometimes. i've learned how to deal with people in real life. totally. i keep my expectations low...and i'm not talking in a pessimistic way here. i have awesome friends in my life...who are all there for a reason. the ones who make as much effort and put as much heart and soul into the relationship are the ones who benefit from me giving all of me. i LOVE having friends. i LOVE giving and sharing and talking and being honest with people. it took me a long time, but i finally realized how to let myself be vulnerable...drop my pride and open myself up...to the right people. connecting with people on the internet is different. still experimenting with that one. internet friendships are awesome and awful. they are easy and exciting. but they are also unstable and unsure. really...do you KNOW these people? maybe. maybe you do. but that doesn't mean that they FEEL the same. doesn't mean that they can't play games (a lot more easily than in real life). it doesn't mean that they are going to always be honest...always reciprocate or always stay constant. so much less accountability it seems. i lovelovelove that i've met some amazing incredible people in the past year. i feel like being online and scrapping and sharing has enriched my life beyond belief. but once in a while, i feel those old negative, insecure feelings creeping back in. and then i have to take a step back. regroup. centre myself. think about and focus on what IS real and what i can count on beyond all doubt.

dren is the first person in my life that i trust with ALL of it. my heart. my spirit. my body. my mind. my life. my child. what an amazingly SECURE feeling. there is nothing better, when it comes right down to it.

my child. we had a pretty rough start, he and i. he was what you might call a "difficult" baby. and we can just follow that up with i was what you might call a "psychopath" first-time mother for about 6 or so months. i didn't know it at the time (when you're psychotic you're not often rationally self-observant, after all) and so i didn't ask for or seek out the help or support we really needed. i realize now what i needed then. i wish i knew then, because i could have been a much better mother. while i doubt my skill then, and still do from time to time these days, it's gotten better and better. i've forged a solid, loving relationship with my child that will NEVER go away. what an amazing thing.

today we were walking (well, i was walking, he was riding his bike...fast, like sonic the hedgehog) to school, and he was rambling on and on. i love these moments we share. it means about an hour and fifteen minutes from the time we leave the house until i arrive at work, but it's so worth it. he was riding along...in such a good mood. randomly rambling little out of the blue comments like the ones in this gem of a conversation:"i know when the dinosaurs went a-stinct"me: really? (genuine surprise here folks)j: yep...sixty million hours.me: wow...hmmm.j: or maybe sixty million hundred.me: holy smokes!j: do you know how big a pachycephalosaurus is? (yes, the kid knows all the crazy dino names...he's gonna be a paleantologist just like ross...and if i spelled the name of the dinosaur or the name of the person who studies them wrong, then sue me...i'm so not one of those people)me: nope.j: free. he's free feet.

ahhh. it's gonna be alright. it's gonna be just fine.nothing like a 4 year old to get it all in perspective for me.the sun is shining and i'm getting nice and re-centred.

**and if you did actually make it all the way through and to the end of this, i do thank you. so very much.

16 May 2006

to share, but i'm left with this...the view from the houseetched in my memory.

i love getting out of the city.relaxed.refreshed.like a different human when i'm away.we had fun.sleptrelaxeddrankdancedmade fireshoppedread trashy magazineslaughed (a LOT)gazedoften.wicked musictook photosate awesomelywatched the boyshad fun.it was so good.

10 May 2006

wow what a good night's sleep will do for a girl.i feel like a human being.jaxon seemed like a human being this morning.got him off to preschool and everything.left the teacher with meds instructions...and ones about keeping him calm & settled.ha.

i'm listening to miles right now..."kind of blue"this is one of my all-time fave albums.very grounding for me.

still on the damn safari...thanks for the firefox tips girls...gonna import my 'marks later and give it a shot.

SWH.duh.of COURSE it stands for the one and only.SabrinaWardHarrison(thanks k)duh.and thanks also for the reminder.do you know i don't own ANY of her books?must order.feeling an amazon spree coming on.

josh is back.no more two jobs for me.yipee!i hope i get all caught up on work fast today.then i can go get caught up on all my blogging that i have neglected.i MISS you girls!!!must read up.

09 May 2006

jax is sick.he's got asthma/reactive airways.so when he gets a little cold, it turns into this huge lung/coughing issue.we finally finally got help for him the other morning when dren took him to children's hospital emergency around 3:30am.i HAD to be at work this week - a co-worker is absent and i've been doing 2 jobs.dren stayed home today and yesterday.i reallyreally hope he's well enough to go to school tomorrow.poor lil dude...between him and i...man what a mess!but i'm so glad to finally know the cause of all this coughing.and to have a treatment.i think i need a nap.

05 May 2006

there is not enough time in the day.where did this week go, exactly?how odd.

well...it's friday.time for a new dare!all about scents & smells...mmmmm....smelly.love me some coffee...beans or the liquid.i actually have about a billion things i love the smell of.gasoline included (only in small doses of course)but i chose just a few to plop onto this page.oh yeah! and the dare was sponsored by blackberry buckets!

well, i'm at work so i shouldn't post long...plus i'm doin the mac thing...and now that i know that blogger hates safariand loves internet explorer...well...life just ain't the same postin at work.

01 May 2006

i super shopped this weekend.TOMs with renee.my FAVOURITE.new scrappy crap - yay!can we say like 30 sheets of 7G....sluuuuuurp.

then the clothes...capris (2 jeans, one sweats...but nice sweats)hoodie that goes with the sweats ones.shades.ALL for the whopping sum of $77.uhm hell yes.

i have to share a story with you.i want to record it forever and figure out a way to scrap it.the funniest shit.i just don't know if it will be funny to others or if you had to be there.that's probably the BEST way to start out telling a story right...? doh.ANYway.renee told me about a dream she had."nightmare actually" she said."i dreamed that your creativity was in your appendix!!!!"she sounded SO distraught.musta been one of those dreams that felt so real.she told me how everything i was making sucked so bad.then.we had to go look for it.my appendix.we went to the hospital.trying to find it.to get my creativity back.poor renee.i would say poor me...but i don't think it was accurate.i mean...i've made a couple pages since then.while they might not be my favourite ever...i don't think they would classify for the "that sucks so bad" category.hope not...hee!

then there's the hematoma.also known as.h-e-m-o-t-aif you're gabby.she tried to correct herself.but i wouldn't listen.it's a bruise inside me in my tummy.due to operation.sucks, but what are you gonna do?i'll tell you what.you're gonna call it a HEMOTAand pretend it's an awesome japanese restaurant that you want to visit.