The Right Way to Make a Threesome Happen

Spot the signs that say she may be willing, and learn how to put it into action
- byMarkham Heid

02 Feb
2017

Like a hole-in-one or bumping into Bill Murray, threesomes do happen. In fact, a recent poll found 20 per cent of people report having had the experience.

But unless you’re a nihilist porn star, you’re not just going to randomly wander into a ménage a trois.

For mathematical reasons - getting to three is easier when you start with two - a lot of threesomes involve couples who have decided to branch out.

But if you’re hoping to invite another woman into the bedroom with you and your partner, that’s going to require thoughtful timing, a considered approach, and close observation of your girl’s sexual demeanor, says Emily Morse, a doctor of human sexuality and host of the podcast "Sex with Emily."

Here's the right way to make a threesome happen - or at least test the waters - without wrecking your relationship.

1. Break down your bond. Be honest: How are you and your partner doing? Because if you’re not in a really solid, healthy place with her, a threesome could blow everything up, Morse says.

If you’ve been arguing a lot lately, aren’t having much sex, or feel anything less than totally secure with your girlfriend, you’re not great candidates for three-way action.

2. Spot insecurity. Jealousy is a proven relationship killer - and a major risk factor when talking about threesomes, Morse says.

And according to research from East Carolina University, low self-esteem or insecurity are two of the biggest drivers of jealousy among women.

If your partner has recently lost a job, gained some weight, or just doesn’t seem totally comfortable with herself, it’s not the right time to bring up the idea, says Morse.

3. Assess her sexual adventurism. Is she a tomcat in the bedroom - willing to try anything - or more of a lights-off, missionary-only lover?

If she blushes when you talk dirty to her, introducing someone new to the mix probably isn’t in the cards.

But if she’s uninhibited in the sack - and especially if she’s ever mentioned kissing or “experimenting” with another woman - you’ve probably just cleared one of your biggest hurdles, Morse says.

4. Timing is everything. “When you’re drunk and eyeing her hot best friend at a party, that’s not the time to mention a threesome,” Morse stresses.

Instead, bring up the idea when you’re alone and in a safe, comfortable place, like her apartment or the home you share.

5. Beat around the bush. Instead of blurting out, “I’d like to have a threesome,” you want to frame the topic as though it’s about your partner’s pleasure, not just yours, Morse says.

Begin the conversation by asking her about any sexual fantasies she has that you could help fulfill, Morse suggests.

When she asks about yours, start with something fairly tame - like role-playing or incorporating sex toys.

After that’s out of the way, Morse suggests saying something like, “It would be really hot to see you with you another woman. Have you ever thought about that?” This puts her at the centre of your fantasy, not the other lover.

Shrug like it’s not a big deal and move on. You’ve planted the seed, and giving her time to think it over without pressure is probably the only shot you have left at a threesome.

But if she says YES . . .

Lift your jaw off the floor and establish some ground rules, Morse advises.

Discuss whether she’d be more comfortable bringing in a friend or a stranger, and ask her if there are any acts that would upset her - like your kissing or penetrating the other woman. If you can’t imagine having this kind of conversation with your girl, the actual act probably isn't in your future, says Morse.