Are you “Happy” about scary seals and penguin sex jokes?

It’s Moulin Rouge meets March of the Penguins. And it’s not for 3-year-olds.

Actually, I’m not sure what age the new animated film “Happy Feet” is for. I don’t think the makers did either.

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These freaky-looking elephant seals will be haunting your dreams.

We couldn’t wait to see “Happy Feet.” The computer-animated penguins look so darn cute in the blast of ads we’ve been subjected to in recent weeks. They sing. One of them dances. What could be wrong with that?

First, it’s an adult story (a meandering one at that) with adult humor about mating. Way over a 3-year-old’s head. And I’m no prude, but there was some dirty penguin dancing that kind of turned my stomach.

Second, some of the penguin-in-peril scenes had my kid on my lap, clutching me. A few families left the theater. The film features the scariest seal I’ve ever seen, and some hideous elephant seals. (Taking a small child to see this at an IMAX theater? Bring extra diapers because he or she will probably mess his pants in terror.)

I admit we didn’t make it through the whole film. But I saw enough to get the gist. It’s about this young emperor penguin, Mumble (voiced by Elijah Wood), who is different than other penguins. While the others have unique heart songs that will eventually help them woo the opposite sex, Mumble can’t sing. But, boy, can he dance. It felt a little “Footloose.”

At least we are supposed to think he can dance. It was hard to see exactly what his tap-a-tap-a-tapping feet were doing.

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More scary seals. (Not related to the movie.)

As an outcast, he meets some shorter penguins who sound like they are from the barrio (Robin Williams voices Ramon). What they lack in stature, they make up for in machismo. I loved these scenes, but my kid didn’t get it.

Mumble decides that he has to do something about the fish shortage and sets off for civilization to talk to humans, who are oddly live action. More penguin-in-peril scenes ensue. So we left.

A friend who stuck out the whole movie with her 3-year-old was convinced by the end that Mumble is a gay, suicidal environmentalist.

It’s too bad. I’ve loved past films directed by George Miller. “Babe” is one of my favorites. Love the pig. Not the penguin.

Was anyone else taken in by deceptively cute penguins this past weekend?