Quotes from ‘The Sibling Realignment’

When Sheldon learns that his mother won't attend his wedding unless he invites his brother, Georgie (Jerry O'Connell), he and Leonard travel to Texas to end a family feud. Also, the Wolowitz kids inadvertently infest Amy, Bernadette, Wolowitz and Koothrappali with pinkeye.

Sheldon: Oh, maybe it's fine if she doesn't come to the wedding. I've got Amy now, and she can do everything a mom can do and more.Leonard: Say that to her on the wedding night. Really spice things up.

Sheldon: Hello. Room service? I'm calling about the club sandwich on your menu. No, I-I don't want one. I just want you to spell it correctly. Unless the "club" is the Poor Typing Club. Okay. Now let's discuss this 15% "gratooty"? Yeah, well, that was rude. [hangs up] Someone just lost their gratooty.

Sheldon: My brother.Amy: Wait a minute. You didn't invite your brother to your own wedding?Sheldon: He tormented me my whole childhood. I don't think I should reward that type of behavior with a slice of wedding cake in the shape of the Millennium Falcon.Amy: Try again.Sheldon: A slice of wedding cake in the shape of a cake.

Penny: Hey. Step away from the bride.Howard: (chuckles) Okay. I'll go back upstairs.Bernadette: Get in the shower and then take those clothes and burn them.Penny: Yeah, and all the rest of your clothes! Ah, worth a shot.

Raj: So am I gonna be, like, the only single guy at Sheldon's wedding?Leonard: No. There-There'll be a lot of single people there. Stuart, Amy's great-aunt. Although, Stuart's already friended her on Facebook, so, better move quick.

Leonard: We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just "some loser who sells tires"?Sheldon: You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.

Georgie: What the hell are you doing here?Sheldon: Hello, Georgie.Georgie: It's just George now.Sheldon: Fine, George. No, I don't like it, Georgie.Georgie: I see you haven't changed one bit.Sheldon: Thank you, that is a nice thing to say.

Leonard: Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?Sheldon: All right. But if he says, "Nerd says what", don't answer him.Leonard: What?Sheldon: You are a lamb to the slaughter.

Georgie: If you are here about Sheldon's wedding, don't bother.Leonard: Come on. I-I know you two have your differences.Georgie: You mean pretty much everything about us?Leonard: Well, not everything. (laughs) You're both tall ... you have the same last name ... Maybe I shouldn't have started this like it was a list.

Georgie: Picking on him? Is that what he told you?Leonard: Well, what about the time you threw away his Halloween costume?Georgie: Well, yeah, 'cause he was gonna dress as some girl scientist.Leonard: Madame Curie?Georgie: Oh, I didn't know she was a madam.

Georgie: Leonard, you know how I got the money to open up my first store? I busted my ass for it, 'cause all the extra money that we had had to go to Sheldon so he could go to college and he could go study in Germany. And do you know what he's never said to me?Leonard: Danke schon? It's, uh, "thank you" in German.Georgie: Do you need me to sit on your head?Leonard: Nope.

Amy: Hey, whatever kind of pink eye their kids have, I have, and I need to know. And if it's viral, I'm screwed.Howard: Maybe not. You know, I know it's not traditional wedding attire, but how about a welder's mask?Raj: If you know a welder, that could be your "something borrowed".

Amy: Look, he may have been mean to you when you were kids, but you're both grown men now.Sheldon: That's right. I'm a grown-up, and if I don't want to invite him to my wedding, then I won't.Amy: Okay.Sheldon: Except I have to 'cause my mommy's making me.

Bernadette: How many out-of-town guests are there gonna be?Amy: I'm actually not sure. Turns out Sheldon didn't invite his brother.Penny: Mm. Now it's starting to sound like a wedding.Amy: And his mom said she won't come if his brother's not there.Bernadette: Ooh, now it's starting to sound like a good wedding.

Sheldon: Leonard, you have a brother, right?Leonard: Yes.Sheldon: Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?Leonard: Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise he's okay.

Bernadette: Aren't you worried it's a little intense to ask someone you just met to go to a wedding?Raj: (sighs) I'm running out of time. Wh-Wh-Why can't there be a service where you can just pay someone to be your date for the evening?Bernadette: Like an escort service?Raj: No, no, no. Y-You wouldn't be paying for sex. I mean, obviously if things went well, it could lead to sex, but, but the money is for, like, you know, her time and companionship.Bernadette: Oh, I get it an escort service.Raj: Stop saying that.Bernadette: Stop meaning it.

Leonard: Oh, excuse me. Uh, we're looking for a Georgie Cooper.Margaret: One second, I'll check to see if the doctor's in.Sheldon: He is not a doctor. (scoffs) There's only one doctor here and it's me.Leonard: I'm also a doctor.Sheldon: Do you want to wait in the car?Leonard: I wanted to wait in California.

Georgie: What do you want, Sheldon?Sheldon: Why aren't you returning my phone calls?Georgie: You're supposed to be the smart one; you figure it out.Leonard: He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.

Georgie: We haven't talked in over ten years, and now that you need something, you think you can just show up at my store? Well, let's just drop everything to accommodate Sheldon.Sheldon: Nice try, but I am not a gullible little boy anymore. I can recognize sarcasm.Georgie: Okay. You're right. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry. Tell me what you need. Your wish is my command.Sheldon: That's better, thank you.

Georgie: Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that Mom won't come, you want me there.Sheldon: I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.Leonard: Not helping, Sheldon.

Sheldon: This is all Georgie's fault. My whole childhood, he was mean to me.Leonard: Sorry. I know what it's like to live with a bully.Sheldon: Your brother bullied you?Leonard: Oh, I was talking about Penny, but sure, yeah.

Bernadette: We're so sorry we ruined your date.Amy: Oh, boo-hoo. His date got ruined. I'm about to get married, and look at me.Penny: It looks like it's getting better.Amy: Oh, does it? Does it look like that with your two clear eyes?Penny: I'm sorry. Are you mad that I don't have pink eye?Amy: What do you think?

Georgie: Come on. He was still gonna get beat up for wearing that dress.Leonard: Well, didn't you sit on his head while he tried to watch Star Trek?Georgie: Well, yeah, but that was hilarious.Leonard: That is pretty hilarious, yeah.

Georgie: Look, I mean, I always looked out for him at school. I drove him everywhere. I apologized to people when he was rude.Leonard: Yeah. I've done all that. I've also removed all the red balloons from his Lucky Charms because they weren't "Irish enough".

Penny: Hey! I got all the beads to the other side.Howard: It's not a puzzle, Penny.Amy: Do you really want to be touching that? Do you know how many sick kids? You know, never mind. Knock yourself out.

Sheldon: I have nothing to apologize for.Georgie: (scoffs) I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch, buy new.

Georgie: You went away to college after Dad died. Who do you think took care of everything?Sheldon: Mom did. Mom always took care of everything.Georgie: Mom was a mess, Missy was a dumb teenager. I had to look after both of 'em.Sheldon: I talked to Mom all the time. If she was upset, she would have told me.Georgie: She was protecting you, you idiot, just like everyone always does.Sheldon: If things were bad, then why didn't you tell me?Georgie: Because I was protecting you, too. (sighs) You're my baby brother, Sheldon. I know life has been hard for you, but that don't mean it's been easy for the rest of us.

Sheldon: Why aren't you looking at the camera?Amy: Oh, you know, I'm just working on my peripheral vision.Sheldon: Well, that is nonsense. Your peripheral vision is fine. Are those women's magazines making you feel bad about yourself again?Amy: Yup, that is what's happening.Sheldon: I have told you before, those women are airbrushed to make it look like they have good vision.

Amy: Hey, I-I was thinking, now that you and your brother made up, there's no reason to rush home. Maybe you and Leonard could, could stay for, uh [looking at her eye-drops] two to three more fun-filled days there.

Jenna: You might not want to get too close. Pink eye.Raj: Me, too! Bacterial?Jenna: Yeah.Raj: Same! (laughs) I-I know this is gonna sound crazy, but would you be interested in going to a wedding with me?

Amy: Okay, so each welcome bag gets a schedule of events, a map, and chocolate from me. And from Sheldon, a bottle of Purell, the number for Poison Control in case someone accidentally drinks the Purell, and a laminated table of elements because the American school system is a failure.

Amy: There aren't gonna be any wedding photos. My fiancee's a germophobe. If he finds out I'm contagious, he'll never come back from Texas.Bernadette: What if we tell him the theme of the wedding is Walking Dead and this is our zombie makeup?Amy: That'll probably work. We'll call that plan B.

Raj: Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?Sheldon: You don't know what it was like growing up with him.Raj: I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.Leonard: Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.Raj: Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when we were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot.