Announcer Guy: hello, I am the announcer guy that seems to be the voice of every commercial and movie trailer that has an announcer in it, and I don’t get any flippin’ credit! How do people know how to hire me? I’m not exactly rich, because I’m not put into the credits or anything. But somehow, this Trash Can Company called the Super Trash Can Company hired me for 15 and a half bucks to tell you about their new product, the Super Secure Trash Cans.

(Announcer Guy walks net to a trash can)

Announcer Guy: are you pissed off at assholes trying to steal your garbage so it doesn’t go to the dump, and they’d actually probably get some use out of your trash? Now, if you buy these new trash cans, keys come with them, so you can lock and unlock your trash cans! Ain’t that great? There’s also a way to get thieves that really mean business-wanting to cut open the trash can with an axe or by any means necessary including, but not limited to

(scrolls really fast)

Drowing the trash can

Cutting it open with an axe

Ramming it with a bulldozer

Fast-talking politician-type speech

Announcer Guy: If you get the Deluxe version, the trash can defends itself. Observe.

(Announcer Guy walks nearer to the trash can)

Trash Can: STEP AWAY FROM THE TRASH CAN-OR ELSE!

Announcer Guy: most people would have crapped their panties already, but if they realllllllllly want your trash can that badly, and take one step closer…

(Announcer Guy takes one step closer)

Trash Can: you asked for it, asshole

(Trash Can sprouts legs and arms, and the Trash Can reaches inside and takes out a shotgun, blowing Announcer Guy away, and stomping on him over and over)

(The Trash Can runs around blowing away the camera guys and staff)

(The screen cuts to the Technical Difficulties sign with Dacky on it, playing classical music)

Bubba tackles them and they start wrestling in the shower while a whole bunch of splats are heard. Suddenly, Vitches wife comes…ewww…comes into the bathroom to see her husband and his best friend naked in the shower with a video camera taping them…

Marianne: “YOU’RE SHOOTING GAY PORNS IN OUR OWN BATHROOM WITH BUBBA?!?! THATS IT, FIRST YOU SHOOT YOUR LOAD ON ME EVERYTIME YOU USE THAT SHAMPOO WHEN WE SHOWER AND NOW THIS? I WANT A DIVORCE!”

Marianne storms out and Bubba picks up Vitch and throws him against the camera man and the screen goes black.

The kids start laughing at him as he stands up and they take away his bowl of Twigg’s cereal. The Hippopotamus growls angrily and eats Little Jimmy in one bite.

Little Susie: “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

Hippopotamus: “Come here BITCH!”

Little Susie starts running away and the Hippopotamus follows as they run off screen and then you hear bloody screams and things getting ripped to shreds as you see shoes and clothing and a few arms and legs fly by the screen. The scene ends when the bloody screams end and you hear a loud belch.

(Insta-Pantie Party Man is dancing with a bunch of girls. He stops, but the girls keep dancing. All the girls are down to their underwear, as well as Insta-Pantie Party Man. It looks like he has at least 20 pairs of women’s panties on)

(Insta-Pantie Party Man snaps his fingers, and all the girls disappear)

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Hello, would you like this to be your everyday life? If so, listen on!

(Insta-Pantie Party Man walks to a different part of his house)

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Hi. I’m Insta-Pantie Party Man, and I’m going to tell you about a new discovery in the very interesting field of Pantie Pary Research.

(Insta-Pantie Party Man takes out a bottle from his panties and displays it, pointing at it with his free hand)

Insta-Pantie Party Man: Introducing the all new Insta-Pantie Party Spray! Just spray…

(Insta-Pantie Party Man sprays a little and hot girl appears out of nowhere in her panties, dancing)

Insta-Pantie Party Man: -and you instantly have a Pantie Party! Just keep spraying, and you get more! We have several types of Insta-Pantie Party Sprays available. We’ll have them scroll the screen really fast, so get your pens ready!

(scrolling really fast)

12 year old and under Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Teenager Insta-Pantie Party Spray

20 – 30 years old Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Mid Life Crisis Insta-Pantie Party Spray

“Middle Aged” Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Senior Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Friggin Old Insta-Pantie Party Spray

“I just can’t get it up, but maybe this will work” Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Dogs Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Giraffes Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Hippos Insta-Pantie Party Spray

and all new Clown Insta-Pantie Party Spray, and Pirate Insta-Pantie Party Spray

Insta-Pantie Party Man: all these come in male, female, hemaphrodite, transexual, bisexual male, bisexual female, trisexual, and trisexual with goozaks. You can find them at any Pool and Spa stores

Announcer: What happens when you put a bunch of boxers into a house to live with each other? You get…TYSON AND FRIENDS!!!

(Evander, Tyson, and Oscar are huddled around a flashlight and a phone in Tyson’s room)

Evander: we’re going to have to be quiet, so we don’t wake up the Hurricane

Tyson: oh, don’t worry about it….Betsy will keep him busy ALL night

Oscar: ugh…I hate that Betsy

Tyson: ok…so….who are we going to call? Its 2:00 in the morning, so, anybody we call will be instantly pissed off. Luckily, we might call a truck drivers house and wake up the truck driver, cuz he has to go at 5:00 in the morning and got home at 12:00 in the morning….so……..yeah…..

Oscar (punching in numbers): rinnnnnggggggg riiiiiingggggggg

(Evander raises an eyebrow and takes the phone away from Oscar)

Oscar: HEY! I usin that phone!

Evander: you had your turn…….my turn…..i’m gonna call a psychic hotline……that Cleo fag that keeps taking up all that time on the TV guide channel and shit channels like that

Oscar (scratching his head): well, ok, but I get to talk too

Evander (putting the phone on speaker phone): fine, we’ll all be able to talk

Manny With No Fanny – Hello! I’m Manny With No Fanny, and I work at every gas station you can imagine, because *I’m* the guy that owns them all

(Manny starts pacing)

Manny: *I* have a great cheap product in all my gas stations now! You can buy them for a buck a piece! They’re sunglasses and they come in various shapes and sizes! Best of all, they’re at all my gas stations! Buy them now or die!