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Sep

30

Larry Hodges (alias larrytt) Top Fifteen Things That Went Wrong For The 2013 Orioles

15) After seven straight seasons as the heir apparent to Stan Musial, Markakis became the heir to Cesar Izturis.

14) All the O's trainers and all the O's men couldn't put Roberts back into all-star condition again.

13) It turns out Matt Wieters is right-handed.

12) Late in a game in June an Oriole player inadvertently took a 3-0 pitch and drew the only Oriole walk of the season. He was castigated by his teammates and fined by management, and it never happened again.

11) Chris Davis hit 53 solo home runs.

10) The Designated Hitter became the Desecrated Fritterer, a Bitter Antiquated Critter who couldn't hit a Sitter, and though not a Quitter, he hadn't any Glitter.

9) Jim Johnson went from "Who's Mariano?" to "Who's Jim Johnson?" (Answer to the latter: the guy with 101 saves the last two years. And a few blown saves.)

8) Strop stopped.

7) Hammel pitched like a camel, with long dry spells between anything refreshing.

6) Up-and-coming Arrieta and Britton are still up-and-coming.

5) Ted Williams said the single most difficult thing in sports was hitting a baseball. He never saw the 2013 Orioles trying to win one-run games.

4) They broke the all-time record for least errors in a season with 54, breaking record of 65. The pitching gave them lots and lots of practice.

3) Leading the majors in home runs with 212 - that's 24 more than next best - helps a lot more if you don't also lead the majors in home runs given up (202). Worse, watching 424 balls fly out of the park is why Oriole hitting fell apart at the end - it's hard to swing a bat with whiplash.

2) The Rays didn't get the memo about their getting swept at the end.

1) They realized that Showalter is an anagram for What Loser. But he'll heal our worst problems for next year because it's also an anagram for Heal Worst. He might even get Angelos to open his wallet to bring in some top Japanese players - after all, Next Year is just an anagram for Extra Yen.