Saturday

by Fresh Life Worship

Though my strength
is failing me
I’m trusting You to lead
My eyes are focused
on You Lord

Even if the sun
grows cold
And even if the rain
falls hard
Even if my heart
would break
You will never
let me go

Jesus is
alive
A splendor
in the night
You have been the
hope for my heart
You will never fail
Your power will prevail
To crush the head of death
forever

When I can’t see
far ahead
I will still believe
You’re faithfulness
will never end

I know You’re here
with me
And in faith I see it
A tidal wave
of grace
Overwhelms this heartache
You have stirred
my soul to life
By the strength
of Your love
And I’m lost inside the wake
Of You
Forever I am Yours
And I always will be
Forever I am Yours
And I always will be
Forever I will live
For You and only ever You

Recently, a song called “Despactio” was released (featuring none other than Biebs himself) and, let me tell you, I’m obsessed. Only maybe a quarter of it is in English, while the rest is Spanish which, may I remind you, I speak none of. (I can say “Hola”, “Si”, and I can count to ten. That’s it.)

Because I don’t speak Spanish, I was curious to see what the song meant. “Despacito” means slowly. And this reminded me of something:

Take life slowly.

—

There’s this guy I’ve been completely enfatuated with (and I’m not gonna lie, he’s charming). He’s a really cool guy! BUT, he just isn’t the one. I can feel it.

Sounds weird. Ikr?

But it’s all true.

Right from the moment I met him, we just rushed into this relationship type thing if you will. According to my mom, we’re dating, and I’m pretty sure she’s one thousand percent correct. We’ve hugged, we’ve held hands and, although we’ve never kissed, it feels like we have. He is thoughtful, he’s kind, he’s awesome with kids, he’s handsome (in my opinion he looks like he could be present-day Justin Bieber’s identical twin).

You’re probably thinking, “I don’t see the problem. What is this chick talking about?”

When I first felt like it wasn’t right, I thought the exact same thing. I thought I was going nuts.

But, as time went on, I realized some characteristics about him I didn’t exactly appreciate. A lot of these things he didn’t mean to do, but I plain didn’t like them. Nor did my parents.

(Don’t get me wrong, I love him. My parents do too. We both agree we just don’t like some things he does.)

And, being one thousand percent honest, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone my parents didn’t approve of. And they don’t approve.

—

Everyone has their quirks, nobody is perfect, but some things are core issues that can’t be changed so easily unless there’s divine intervention (I’m sorry, forgive me if you’re reading this).

By no means am I perfect, but there’s certain things I just don’t like about him, and I can see them carrying over into our future (if we had one).

That’s why I guess you can say I’m “breaking up with him”.*

**Okay, disclaimer, I’ve got no idea if we actually are dating. It’s like we are, yet we aren’t. So, for the sake of my sanity, let’s say we are. Continue.**

—

Take life slowly, don’t rush into anything. Life will fall into place when it should.

My pastor, Levi Lusko (Fresh Life Church), recently wrote a book called Swipe Right, which isn’t your everyday awkward sex-talk chasity-belt let-me-drag-you-along purity conference book. This stuff is real, living, breathing truth, and it practically jumps off the page.

In a chapter, he mentions this incredible experience where he is waiting for his wife, Jennie, to get to church. She had just flown in from another state and he wanted her to be at church before he began preaching more than anything.

Worship started without Jennie, as it was nearing time for Levi’s message. And, as time went on, Jennie still wasn’t there.

Levi lost himself in worship and forgot all about Jennie being gone. He was completely focused on worship at that moment. Suddenly, he felt someone brush up against him and he instinctively opened his eyes to see who it was. Jennie had accidentally brushed him when she slipped into service, making it just in time to join him in worship. She was equally as lost in worship as he had been.

“And there was my beautiful wife, worshipping beside me.” Levi taught me that, when we get lost in worshipping God, we are inclined to having life fall into place.

Bad day? Worship.

Lonely? Worship.

Good day? Worship.

I’ve heard it said that, if you dance with God, He will let the perfect man cut in.

—

In addition to “Despacito“, I’ve had Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” stuck in my head because, just yesterday, I turned sixteen! (They’re pretty close, okay? I’m only one year late.)

In the song, Taylor says a few lines that stick out like sore thumbs:

“And then you’re on your very first date
And he’s got a car
And you’re feeling like flying
And you’re mama’s waiting up
And you’re thinking he’s the one
And you’re dancing around the room when the night ends
When the night ends
‘Cause when you’re fifteen,
Somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteen
And your first kiss makes your head spin aroundBut in your life you’ll do things
Greater than dating the boy on the football team
But I didn’t know it at fifteenWhen all you wanted
Was to be wanted
Wish you could go back
And tell yourself what you know now
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had
To a boy who changed his mind
And we both cried
‘Cause when you’re fifteen,
Somebody tells you they love you
You’re gonna believe them
And when you’re fifteenDon’t forget to look before you fall
I’ve found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you’re supposed to be
I didn’t know who I was supposed to be
At fifteen.”

I texted my mom these lyrics and, attached to them, I sent my thoughts:

“This song really made me realize I can do so much better. And I don’t have to compromise any of my standards or settle for anything (or anyone) my dad wouldn’t approve of.

I didn’t really realize this until now.”

And, in response, she said: “So true.”

Now that I realize it, I can say that I still don’t know who I am, but I know who I’m supposed to be. I don’t have to date the guy on the football team.

—

I know I’m a daughter, chosen and called, and loved more than anything. I know my dad would kill anyone who broke my heart, and my friend Brandon (whom I call my big brother) would throw a ninja star at anyone who even thought of it.

I know my God’s love is more than the net weight of the earth. He is my Father.

And I know my worth has more value than I can even begin to describe.

For all of those younger girls out there, my peers, and those who’ve already made mistakes:

You’re worth so much.

You’re worth Jesus

I’ve found time can heal most anything and you just might find who you’re supposed to be.

I didn’t know who I was supposed to be,

but I know know who I’m supposed to be

at sixteen.

Make wise decisions, take life slowly. It’ll be hard, but I’ve heard it’s worth it. Dance with God and He will let the perfect man cut in. You just have to trust Him.

xoxo,

Kayley H. W.

*

Go check out Pastor Levi Lusko’s “Swipe Right“, now available in any book store near you! Or, you can purchase it online here!

Those who’ve tried my food in person, however, must be extremely afraid to read this recipe, let alone try it out. But-believe me, this time I made something! And it worked! And not only did it work, it tasted a-ma-zing.

Yesterday, I made these (decent) healthy oatmeal carrot cake cookies. They came out a little dry, so I’m not going to post the recipe.

*note: your batter should look a little bit like dough, but still like a batter. Weird, right?

Scoop the batter into the muffin tin, filling each cup 1/2 the way. Put into the oven for 15 minutes to bake, until golden-brown around the edges, or until non-batter-y in the center.

To make the glaze, place a small sauce pan on the stove and turn to 3/10 heat, or low heat. Simmer will also work, but will take more time.

Add in butter. When the butter is melted, add in the confectionery sugar, maple syrup, and lemon essential oil. Stir for 2-4 minutes. Bring to a simmer or lower heat.*

*note: Keep an eye on your glaze and watch it like a hawk, or it could overcook and become too thick, or burn and ruin your pan! Also, try to keep it warm. It’s easier to spoon over the madeline cakes this way.

Pull the Madeline cakes from the oven when finished. Put a sheet tray over top of the muffin pan, hold together tightly, and flip! Set the madeline cakes on a cake rack.*

*note: if necessary, or if you just want to be extra-efficient, gently cut around the cakes in the muffin pan with a butter knife. This will make sure they don’t stick, and easier for them to come out of the pan.

You don’t have to cool your cakes, but you can if you want to.

Drizzle a generous amount of glaze over your madeline cakes and let the glaze cool.*

*note: you’re going to have to work fast with the glaze, or keep it heated while it’s in the pan. It will get thick and jelly-like quickly in the pan if you let it cool.

a poem / freehanded rhyme about depression, overcoming fear, and how you are loved, and you are not alone.

dedicated to a friend of mine going through a tough time. you’re gonna make it, hun. 🙂

You’re Not Alone

Insecure.
Feeling odd.
Not knowing
How I ought
To behave.
Should I be
Insecure.
Is it all just a dream?
Terrified.
Live without
All this fear
Of letting down
People I love,
Can’t hear you
Can’t hear you speak.
When I turn off
My radio
I can hear
Clearer now.
All in my head,
(I’m being dumb)
It’s nothing big,
I am redeemed,
I am loved.
My
Fears are real,
Feelings are alive,
Don’t let how you feel
Define how you live your life.
You are not what you feel,
You are not what you think,
Doesn’t matter if you “let them down”,
You are much more than words,
Or a chemical compound,
You are real,
You have a brain.
Breathe in the air,
Open your eyes;

You’re not alone.

You’re appreciated
And loved,
Everyone is not out to get you.
Open your eyes,
Breathe in the air,
You have a brain.
You are real.

I’m learning something new every single day and, though I’m regretful of choices I’ve made, opportunities I’ve missed, and the way I’ve mistreated people, I know this:

Though I am prone to change, and my faith wavers in this stormy sea of a life, Christ walks upon all water, calms any storm, and relentlessly blesses me. Continually.

This coming year, in 2017, I want to change.

I’m not making resolutions: I’m making plans.

I will do these things, and I’m determined to do them. To give myself extra motivation, and a little push and pull, I’m posting my new year’s goals online.

Here are my top 5 new year’s goals:

(1) Spend morning time with Christ. Whether it be 1 minute or 1 hour, I want the first person/thing I think of to be Christ.

(2) Realize the goal, and begin with the end in mind. I need to realize my actions have consequences. For example, eating an old, unrefrigerated cupcake will result in food poisoning. (Let’s not talk about it.)

(3) Improve in music. I’ve fallen in love with music, and I’m beginning a band with my friends. I don’t know about them, but I am LOVING learning instruments, and improving my vocal range. I wanna take my musical interest somewhere. Maybe a hobby, or even a career?

(4) Join some sort of extracurricular activity, like ASB or theatre. I want to make an impact in my community. Maybe I’ll become a member of a local garden?

(5) Be able to do 10 push-ups. So far, I can barely do one. Chocolate and pastries are my friends and enemies. Also, maintain a healthy, balanced diet. Maybe limit sweets to every other day, and even then, consume in moderation.

God, give me the strength to do all of these things! They’re easier said than done, and about as quirky and I am.

And, now that I’ve told you about my goals for next year, let me bestow upon you some things I learned in the very eventful year of 2016.

Lessons I’ve learned:

(1) Always be yourself. An original is worth far more than a copy.

(2) Don’t let others determine your future, because they don’t. It’s you, and you only that can really get to yourself. Don’t let them change you.

(3) Hold everything with an open grip. If God takes it away, it wasn’t no yours to have in the first place. And don’t hold on. If you hold on tight, it’ll hurt even more when God takes it from your hands.

(4) Be still, be quiet, be silent, think. It’s better to observe and know more than others think you do, than run your mouth and remove all doubt. Observe carefully, it’ll take you far and save you time.

(5) Live your life, moment by moment, day by day. Absorb the advice you’re given, evaluate its worth, and see if it’s truly worth absorbing.

Continue to pursue Christ in all you do, praying you can do great.

“You can do anything if you’ve got enough nerve.” -J.K. Rowling

Have an absolutely awesome new year. Love everything you do. Pursue what you want to pursue, live your life day by day, and jump the hurdles as they come.

“Drive needs no push, passion needs no pull.” -Connor Franta

You’ve got the capacity to make things a disaster, but you’ve got the capacity to change the world for the best possible. You choose.

I’m worried about so much, and I feel like I haven’t got a friend in the world, or in Utah at least.

There’s a girl who just doesn’t like me because I like a dude she likes, and I honestly don’t wanna deal with this crap right now.

I won’t stop being called somebody’s “significant other”, and that’s sweet, but I’m just… I’m not ready. I’m healing wounds opened long ago, and it hurts right now.

I’m still mourning the loss of my biological father, though I hardly knew him. Last night, I got so upset to the point I was up past 12:30am, pouring out to a friend over text, telling her my life story and just sobbing in my bed… I feel horribly alone. And anxious.

Life kinda sucks right now, but it isn’t half as bad as other’s lives. I’m rather blessed.

Just nostalgic for old memories that I can never relive… and a year and a half I wasted.

Our minimum wage prevents substantial living.
Our clothing is overpriced.
Our food, or what we can afford to buy, is intoxicated with GMOs* and bug-killer.
Our school system is jacked, and unrealistic.
Our country is ruled by self-absorbed, arrogant Hollywood “stars” who’ll never be anything more than flesh infused with plastic and alcohol, possibly even heroine and nicotine.

And what is even worse is our children look up to these people, who are as real as the silicon under their skin.
We are broken, addicted to crap we need’nt be, and lost in our troubles.

We suck.

We’ve made ourselves become people we don’t want to be.

Do you really want to live your life, living up to only what society tells you you are?

Do you really only want to live your life to the smallest extent possible by never going on a limb, taking a chance?

Experimenting with life?

Learning from your mistakes?

Seriously.
Life is not anti-depressants, losing ourselves in a stranger’s intimate embrace, or even imagining so, nor is it about gaining as many social-media-robotic-humanoid “friends” and “followers” as possible, who may be there just for the pictures and party, nothing more. Nor is it about getting enough money to visit concerts, become well known, and adored by many.

There is more to life than drugs, sex, parties, fame, and fortune.
Tips:

If you are to get high, get high off of life. Breathe in the intoxicating mountain air, and let it absorb you. Get lost, only to find yourself.

If you must have sex… Paint. Read. Write. It’s possibly the sexiest thing you could ever do. And wait for that person you love, for the day the rings are on.**

If you must party, celebrate every day. You woke up. You opened your eyes. You are breathing. That’s a reason to celebrate. Dance. Sing. Invite friends over for one reason: you’re all alive.

If you must be famous, be famous in the eyes of everyone on this planet you come in contact with. Be pleasant to be near; eyes will shift to you. Speak sweetly, but be firm; you’ll never be pushed over. You’ll be powerful, and people will generally see you as likable and attractive.

If you must have fortune, get enough to drive, to keep the roof above your head, and support yourself. Treat yourself as well. You are fortunate to live in America. Work hard, despite the fact that our minimum wage prevents substantial living. Work well. You’ll benefit yourself, and your esteem most.
Put down your phone for one day, and look around you.

Live your life.

And live it well.

Create something you never knew you had the capacity to create. A symphony, a painting, a novel. Anything.

Gather some friends, or one good one, and take a road trip. Travel without a destination. Make life as unpredictable as it can be.

Pray, asking God to use you however He wants. And don’t pray for what you’re not willing to pay for. Meaning it’ll hurt. He will grow you. He will challenge you. And it will hurt.

But it’s the most incredible experience. Once you’ve climbed the mountain, you’ll never believe the view. Looking back, my favorite parts of life were or came out of my hardest, worst times.

Christmas was a huge success and I’m so blessed! We hauled in tons of gifts this year, including practically everything on my Christmas wish list.

But, these material things aren’t really what I’ve been wanting. I’ll tell you what I’ve been longing for.

Peace. For the human race, for our economy, for our country/countries. Everywhere. Everyone. Can’t we get along?

We can have our opinions, we can voice them, but in the end of the day, the other person has a choice to accept or decline your advice. If they decline, don’t shove it down their throat(s).

Joy. For humanity. We’ve seemed to lose our joy, and lose eye on what matters most; and that is Christ. We’re empty, broken people who are in desperate need of revival. Not some watered-down, soapy revival you typically think of when you think gospel-wise.

We, humanity, people, need saving. We need to get up and change our world. If we don’t, who will?

Provisions. For the less fortunate. How can someone find joy easily with an empty stomach? I can think of a long list of all the locations I’ve seen homeless people, and all the families less fortunate than I.

No, I don’t have my life all together. In fact, I don’t think I ever have, ever do, or ever will. Money has always been tight, I don’t want many people knowing of (irony is I’m sharing it on the internet for everyone to see, yoohoo). I’m uncomfortable. But I’m still fortunate enough to have a roof over my head, clothes on my body, a couple meals every day, and all of my necessities. Including some not-so-necessary items, like makeup, my phone, etc.

What I’m saying is I am more fortunate than others, I thank God for that. I’m not in any way running this in anyone’s face(s), but would much rather put it out there that I’d much rather have peace, joy, and provision for those who don’t have what they need.

Thank you, to everyone who blessed me this Christmas season. Please, continue and pass on the blessings to those in need / those less fortunate. Your kind words or small gift to them may change lives. May God bless you, I love you all.

I recently made a video and i thought it was super cool and deserved sharing with you all. It’s called “Christ”, giving an insight to what Christmas is really about.

SIDE NOTE: I have a small Christmas wish-list of material things, and what I really want this year is for everyone to go out, help those less fortunate. Whether it be a simple prayer, or buying someone a meal, pass on the kindness and love. Your simple word or action can change lives.