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I love running, I do, but at this point in my life I think it is time to take a break.

Last year’s jingle run

The thing is, I had a hard time getting back into running after my miscarriage. I KNOW that the running didn’t affect it, BUT, my body hasn’t felt the same.

I had registered for a second half-marathon, just in case my goal PR didn’t happen at Zooma, and if I did PR, then it would be a fun congratulatory 13.1 hilly miles.

To be honest, I had forgotten about that I even signed up for the Newton Chilly Half, it wasn’t until I received the emails about packet pick-up and race day that I remembered. It was a relatively cheap registration, $40, that I had made back during the summer. If the race had a shorter option (a 5 or 10k) I probably would have still gone to the race and just downgraded.

There wasn’t an option, so instead I decided to soothe my soul…I took my first yoga class at Studio Poise, and I let my body enter healing.

Someday I will come back to running, I am not sure when that day will be, but it will happen. For now I am sticking with my strength and Metcon at Achieve and my favorite classes at Studio Poise.

UPDATE: The movie times are now updated, the 1:50 pm movie time at the AMC theater on Tremont Street seems to be the best fit. Please still fill out the form below and I will send out information on Friday about the meetup.

I wanted to update you all on the HLB Book Club event, even though showtimes for the AMC theater on Tremont Street still aren’t available for OZ. I am hoping for a Saturday matinée, since Sunday is St.Paddy’s day, I am assuming most of Boston will be a sh*t show and a lot of people won’t be around.

Please fill out the form or leave me a comment or shoot me an email at cupcakekelly21@gmail.com, if you are able to attend, I am hoping I won’t have to see it alone.

Now onto my good news! I am so very excited to share with you all that I am going to be an ambassador for the Zooma Race Series for the Cape Cod location.

I was bummed last year when I realized it was the same day as the Wicked Half in Salem, I knew I was going to HAVE to prioritize it this year.

This post is a hodgepodge of things that have been going on my brain lately, but first, check out my post on the FitFluential blog today, Five pieces for at home workouts. Perfect timing since I am not at my home for a few weeks and I could use these tips myself!

let’s get our workout on Reeboks

*Obviously not everyone can be pleased with the outcome of the election – from the town to the national level. I wish we’d leave all the hate and the sayings that the wrong person was elected for those offices. While I may not personally agree with some of the elected officials, that doesn’t change that they were elected. We just need to move forward and work together, and not attack each other.

*I appreciate that I have the right to vote, but all the facebook posts, twitter status, etc… telling people to go vote make me angry. I want you to vote, BUT I want you to vote intelligently. That doesn’t mean vote for who I am voting for, that means vote after you’ve informed yourself of all parties platforms. This means more than the democrat and republican nominee and it means more than the social issues. BE INFORMED AND VOTE. And for the love, vote more than just during national elections, those local town votes, they affect you way more than the presidential one.

*It is waaaay to cold already. There was frost on my windshield yesterday morning and we are supposed to get our first Nor’easter tonight… which severely hinders me getting back to MA for my Team In Training dinner. At least B can participate in the snow this year. Let’s look at last year shall we?

not a fan mom

*I have been eating a lot of bread since it is one of the foods that I can stomach and that doesn’t affect my ulcer, but I haven’t been working out because the ulcer has been painful and I have been napping with the baby. Not good.

*Maybe it’s all the carbs, but I have the itch to run another half…uh oh. Or maybe I really want a PR and NWM redemption.

I may have a big smile on my gave but I was a wreck. My sister made me coffee while I showered and dressed. I drank about half a cup and choked down an english muffin with some peanut butter. I met the rest of my Team In Training group in the hotel lobby, we took some group photos and headed to the start corrals together. I took a banana with me so that I could have something to eat, but ended up eating it before we left the hotel. We got into the corrals around 6ish, the race didn’t start until 7 am.

Let me start by saying, I did have race goals, ones that I kept to myself, the first was to finish and be happy, but what I really wanted was to finish in the same time as my first half or PR. So when I bird pooped on my head on Friday I thought, hey this race is going to be awesome and I am going to ROCK IT.

Unfortunately, this is not a happy tale. As I mentioned before we went to our start corrals about an hour before the race started and because it was such a large race and my corral was so far back, it took our group about 30 minutes to even cross the start line. I ended up starting my fuel earlier than I usually do.

The race started in Union Square and made its way down towards the Embarcadero and the Marina, Christine managed to find me in the crowd and I actually heard her, thanks for the encouragement! The first 4 miles were relatively flat and I was under my goal pace for those miles, but I still felt like I was not really pushing myself, I wanted some energy in the tank for the hard miles.

I made a bathroom stop around mile 3 and around mile 3.5-4 was the first big hill, but I just powered through it and got to the top, I saw my sister at mile 4…(sorry to anyone I sent this too, she took this pic at mile 4 NOT the finish line)

I wish I had remembered to grab the extra fuel that I packed for her to take but I forgot, problem #2. I had my fuel around mile 4.5 – 5, these areas were fairly flat, I remembered that there were going to be shot bloks at the aid stations so I thought I would be okay. Mile 6 was were it started to take a turn for the worse. It was a winding hill that I thought was going to never end. I trained on some hills but they were nothing compared to this. I ended up power walking about halfway through, but I was starting to feel woozy at the top. I started walking when it flattened out and grabbed as much water and nuun as I could carry and hoped that I was dehydrated, but the fluid was not helping either. Around mile 8 a girl that I talked to earlier in the race noticed that I had slowed down, and maybe saw the desperate look on my face. She offered me a pack of sports beans, black cherry flavor, and I was so grateful, I wish I had caught her name or something, she saved me from a DNF, I am quite certain.

This is what desperation looks like

I call mile 8 – 9.5 my dark miles. These are the ones I was alone and all I wanted to do was quit. It was an internal battle. I started secondary fuel way too late and I just wouldn’t be able to recover. Which meant walking the last 5 miles, I ended up on my feet for much longer than I ever had been before and that really hurt my knees and hips.

I was texting my sister and told her that she was going to have to wait longer than we had anticipated, but she was awesome.

Honestly, I was not feeling it, I just wanted to finish. My time was 03:56:45, a full 38 minutes slower than my first half-marathon. I ran through the finish line, determined to have a smile on my face, it didn’t hurt that the commentators were discussing my awesome sparkle skirt over the speakers.

FINALLY

I grabbed my necklace, finishers T, food and bag! I just wanted to eat and go shower, so I only stuck around long enough to snag the last long sleeved 13.1 finishers shirt.

Caty and I hopped on to the TNT shuttle back to our hotel and showered & changed then proceeded to Boudin and Ghiradelli for my post-race treats, and unfortunately I forgot my ID so no post-race beer for me

I am finally linking up with Meg for High Five Friday to celebrate others successes, achievements and abilities for the week!

We all know what I would high five myself for, finishing my first half-marathon, all my complaining and frustrations aside, I am super proud of myself. I also made my fundraising minimum for Team In Training! Woohoo.

I want to give a high five to a few people this week.

First to Kierston and Nicole for completing their first half-marathons. What a great accomplishment!

One of my favorite blends, Caitlin, for her one year blogiversary. I can’t believe she has only been blogging for a year. She is a wonderful person and I am so honored to have met her and gotten to know her these past few months!

Give some love to Lisa, she recorded her first blog, and I have to say I think it was great. I still have yet to get over my nervousness so props to her!

Madeline ran her first 5k and rocked it, actually her entire family did well!

Last, but certainly not least to my hurricane, Heather, for attempting the Spartan ULTRA Beast, while she did not finish, she most definitely is an inspiration and hero to me, I don;t think I would have the guts to even sign up and she was phenomenal. Show her some love!

The morning started very early, race time was 7 am, so I needed to be out of the house by 6. I had prepped all my stuff the night before, so all I needed to do was get up, make & eat breakfast, do my morning routine and leave the house. Easy, right?

The night before I was full of nerves, emailing my Team In Training coach and not sleeping through the night. When I woke up, I had no choice, I knew I was prepared to run 11 and I just needed to DO IT.

It was pretty chilly but the long bathroom lines and nerves definitely made me forget the temperature. Before I knew it we were lining up to start and just like that we were off.

The first 4 miles were great, they were hilly & tough, but my legs felt great and mentally I felt fine. The race course was awesome, we ran through Salem and into Marblehead alongside the ocean. It was foggy buy you could see the beach and smell the salt water. I couldn’t think of a better first race course.

I took some fuel right before mile 5, my coach passed me at this point and it was nice to see a smiling face. I had this. I got a little nervous around miles 5 and 6 since there wasn’t a ton of race support and since I was in the back of the pack there were not any other runners that I could see. I kept wondering if I was going the right way.

Around mile 7.5 my upper thigh muscle started to hurt, I tried walking and massaging it for a bit to see if that would help. I ended up walking one of my miles at this point. I started to get in my head, thinking I can’t do this, why was I so foolish to sign up for this!? After a mile I started jogging and slowly increased my speed. I definitely was not running the same min/miles as I was in the first half of the race and that was disappointing, but at least I was running.

Miles 8.5 – 11 were pretty uneventful, lots of hills, at mile 11 I was going to walk my other 1.2 because I knew I wanted to run in to the finish. I met a woman from North Carolina who was running her first half and we power walked together. Once my watch hit 12.2 I started running again, I had to run past my parked car (what a tease) and other finished runners so I kept picking up my pace.

As I was coming into the finishers chute, I saw another TNT coach, my mentor, a TNT runner (and one of the alums that helped with our team) and they were all cheering me on. As I came through the finish, the announcer was congratulating me on my first half-marathon finish and my coach was waiting for me! It was so exhilarating, coming through the finish.

I have never considered myself a runner, so can I know? I don’t know. My finishing time was 3:18:12, I know some people can run marathons in that time, and sometimes that makes me feel like less of a runner, even though I know I shouldn’t. I am still very proud of what I did this weekend!

Finisher Medal

I have a lot more to say on this, but I will get to that later this week! When did you start consider yourself a runner?

I can honestly say I would have never gotten this far without my running coach from TNT, without my trainer and without the friends and family who have continued to support me!

This weekend was another super busy one! We drove to CT on Wednesday after Nick was finished with work, luckily he has the luxury of working from home so he was able to do that on Thursday.

I stayed in CT for part of the weekend, then drove back to Boston so I could run with the team for our Saturday run.

Saturday was miserable, it was cold and rainy, but I got my butt out of bed and made it to the group meet up. The agenda was 4 miles, we started at New England Running Company, we had a map and took off.

I started off okay, my legs were tight from the running, not stretching enough plus all the driving. I was running super slow. With the exception of one girl, who stayed behind with me, I was the last runner. The whole day just got into my head and under my skin. I felt defeated, all I could think of was: there is no way I can run a half marathon, I am too slow for this, I don’t know why I signed up for this I am just going to fail

I had a lot of feelings of wanting to quit and failure. At one of the turn arounds one of the mentors started running with us. I kept her and the other girl who stayed behind with in a few hundred feet of me, when we made it back to the water stop I just wanted to give up, but I kept going. The second half was a little bit easier, but I was definitely running on empty. When we got back to NERC we had a demo on running shoes, fuel and gear.

I got re-assessed for shoes, since my feet have changed a lot since I had B. I got a few different types of fuel to try out with my runs, and made my way back home.

All I kept thinking about during the drive was how to get myself out of this funk. I know that I can do this, but I need to not get in my head while I am running. I think a big factor is the fact that I am the slowest runner, and that’s especially frustrating.

Then today I am doing strength training and I am so much stronger than I ever was, even pre-pregnancy. I am doing things I never thought I could, and I never get in my head, I always attack the unknown.

I really sat one night and thought about it. Sometimes as a stay at home mom it is easy to lose yourself in the caretaker roll, so much that you forget to take care of yourself. I have definitely found myself in that situation. Then I add in all the events that are happening this spring and summer. All of which I can’t wait to attend, but it also helps me lose more of that precious “ME” time.

So what is one thing that I can do for me, continue my journey to being healthier and fit, but also something that I can fit in my busy schedule.

I am sure you have a few questions, or I will just pretend that you do.

1. Why Team in Training?

I knew that I don’t have the ability to train for such a distance for the first time on my own. I also did a ton of research when picking an organization, and talked to past participants. No one had anything negative to say about their experience.

With TNT you get a few coaches for different parts of the experience (running & fundraising), you have a personalized training plan, and you are able to participate in clinics on hydration, nutrition, gear, just to name a few. You also get to work with a team. Many of these things I would not have had on my own, especially with things like nutrition & hydration, I am sure it would have been trial and error.

TNT is also a great cause, raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. While I personally do not have a story attached to this cause, it is still an important one to raise money for.

2. Why the Nike Women’s Half?

In October 2010 Nick & I travelled to San Francisco for a long weekend with my Dad, for a mini vacation.

oh hey Michelle Tanner

While we were there I saw the Nike Women’s Marathon and Half. I thought to myself, I didn’t even tell Nick or my dad, someday I want to run this race. Someday I want to be ABLE to run this.

Fast forward two years. I was flirting with using TNT for the Run To Remember 5 miler in Boston. It turns out the weekend of the race I wouldn’t be able to run since I was committed to another 5k. Instead of walking away I kept looking at other races that the MA teams were running, I kept going back to the Nike Half. And there was a half that was MUCH closer than Nike, but I couldn’t sign up for that one. SO after much discussing between Nick and I, I signed up for the Nike Women’s Half, and I have no regrets.