But in an age that discourages exploration, we are left wading through the “could have beens.” Instead of breaking out of who we’ve evolved into/defined our selves as/let others mold us to be/ we continue to cultivate this version of ourselves. We give up on possibilities. Other lines of work become pipe dreams. Moving cities is too scary. We are bogged down the logistics, finances, and the rules of society we’re led to believe are true. You need to go back to school. You can’t go back to school it’s too expensive. You will never be able to afford a house on that income. It’s too hard to break out of your industry. A job is a job, does anyone really love theirs? These phrase bounce around our tired brains like the annoying music boxes our grandmothers gave us for Christmas when all we wanted was a four speed bike so we could get the hell out of our small town lives and explore what the world has to offer.

Now, some of us don’t live in these boxes. We’ve broken free. And we’re now the stuff of internet envy. Traveling the world. Working online. Living the “digital nomad” life. What even is a digital nomad? And in twenty years will you be proud to call yourself one?

Perhaps, the real problem is our need to label. The drive to define. The want to say “I am ____.” as opposed to just saying, “I am.”

Ten years ago, I was given a life sentence of Chronic Lyme Disease. It was horrifying and a relief all at once. Chronic illness conditions us to a mentality of stasis. What we are now is what we will always be. There is comfort in a reality of stasis. Without fear of the unknown, we can curl up in our little bubble of pills, supplements, brain fog, and heated blankets. It is safe here in the comfort of our distress.

In traditional Chinese medicine, the Seven Dragons treatment addresses possession. Rather than just possession by spirits, the person is overtaken by beliefs or emotions collected in this life or a previous one. They cannot live fully, and emptiness fills their eyes. They are separated from the self. My possession was anger. The anger was stuck in my abdomen, she told me. So, the Chinese Mrs. Kim silently said a prayer, and stuck seven points on my body with needles. Each needle resonated like energetic ripples through my limbs and torso. I began to relax, and think about my anger.