It does help knowing friends are thinking of you no matter how hard there own battle is going. I am a little scared because Stella said it will be about 45 days till I can really tell a difference. It should not suprise me because I did not get in this mess overnight. I just shudder at the time. It seems like a lifetime right now. But as I think about it, the summer is nearly over and I really don't know where it went. That is the way these opiates interact in your life. They rob you of everything. Money is bad but the least concern. I went through enough money that I could have retired at age 50 if it had not been for this terrible addiction. But worst, I have been a awful husband, tried hard to be a good father but I probably flopped on that too. I have firends that don't call anymore because I woulds recluse so much and avoid their phone calls. All I could think about was my opiates, They became my life.
I do have real physical pain as many on this board and it all started so un-intential. Now I wonder what or how I will handle my physical pain. I guess Tylenol or the sort. Any thing is better than the emotional pain that you feel when you become a slave.

If I fail, I will be so heart broken. I only have this fight in me and if I lose I can see me go back to the world of the dark. You know the dark spot way back in your brain where you don't really care if anyone talks to you or not. When the high wears off you feel the guilt and shame but you just know if you can find that bottle everything will be alright. You all know the feeling when you shop a doctor and get that lucky one who will right you a script of 90 loratabs and even put several refills on them. That just makes me fill like a terrible person right now. How did I let my life get in such a mess?

I pray for the light at the end of the tunnel. Please pray for me right now because I am weak and it would just chrush me to fall off the wagon on day 9.