Friday, January 13, 2012

It's been a while since I posted anything on here and I just wanted to update my readers on things that I've been doing lately.

I started taking singing lessons again and I had my first recital in December. I was super duper nervous, but I made it through... with a few kinks. Both my parents tried to record this and they both failed miserably. Luckily, my instructor taped it as well as played the piano (multitaskers multitask). I hope you like the video. More to come!

Thursday, August 04, 2011

So I don't really get out much. Ok, I don't get out at all. I don't have many friends in my area. Ok I have no friends in my area and I don't exactly live in a place where I would want to go out alone. I've tried joining meetup groups but there aren't any cool ones here. There aren't any that really fit my interests. Everything is in NYC and I have qualms about traveling to the city alone, especially at night.

Maybe I live a sheltered life or maybe I'm just being cautious. What I know for certain is that I haven't made a new acquaintance in about a year and that mess needs to change. I quite enjoy making new friends. Large groups are exhausting, but having a nice tight knit group is always nice to have. I miss going on group outings. I miss going to my friends house and hanging out. It was so much easier to do when I used to live in a dorm room, but now, living with the rents in a city that no one would want to set foot in really puts a damper on things.

Now, if I am having a hard time making new friends in this city that I grew up in, how in the world am I going to find someone to love? Just by looking at some of the guys in my city, I know that my Mr. Right isn't here. I thought maybe online dating would help me. So far no luck. eHarmony, Match, Plentyoffish, none of these helped me out (yet). I don't want to count online dating out just yet because it's still fresh and you can't move to a new place and expect to find the love of your life in the first two months of being there.

I guess I need to realize that if I want to invite people into my life, I have to make my life available for other people to notice. The reason why I never meet anyone new is because I'm busy doing the same things everyday and seeing the same people everyday. I have to do something out of the ordinary. I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to get over my fear of people, their opinions and the possibility of being rejected by them.

Even though I may be alone physically, I know that I'm not alone when it comes to fearing other people opinions. I missed out on the possibility of having a great, long-lasting friendships because I was afraid of what my friends thought of me and it made me paranoid. They are off having the time of their lives and I'm here writing a blog for people who don't read it.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Earlier today, I was letting my mind wander. Sometimes I like to let my mind make the weirdest connections between things. What came to me was a connection between people, light and stars.

We've all heard people say "you are the light onf my life" or something to that effect and sometimes we respond with, Yeah, ok, whatever. I think of light as a person's essence. There's the positive light (bright shiny and happy) and there is the negative light (black light).

Light in and of itself is a simple yet powerful thing. Light is pure.

In me, my essence is what brings me joy, my passions. My essence in relation to my light bulb of a body is my SELF. When I am my SELF, I am pure.

Light, in relation to other things is an aide or a booster. Light helps you see the things around you. Light lets you know that one thing is this color and another thing is that color. Light doesn't just let you see other things, it lets you know who or what they are. Also, you need light to know that light exists. Light fuctions for itself and for others.

I, like light, have relationships with other things. When I am being myself, I know what things interest me and what things don't. I know which people I get along with and which ones I don't. When I interact with other people, I know that I havedifferent opeinions and views on things and that lets me know that I am different from you, and that lets you know that you are different from me. Whether intentional or not, I live for me and for you.

The shine of a star's light can travel light years away and shine for many many years after the star has disappeared. The light may not be at the same exact spot where the star once was, but it is still shining somewhere.

Even after we pass on, the people we were continue to live on in the memories of other people. The things we've done with our selves and our time has impacted tons more people than we realize. The stars in the sky have no idea how much we love to stare at a night sky because of them. They have no idea that we make wishes on them. I bet the lady at the bank who said "God Bless you young lady, and ooh, you hair looks very nice" has no idea how she totally made my day today.

Earlier, I mentioned something called the negative light or the black light. I think that it is safe to say that you all know what black light does. Also called Ultra Violet Light, when it is on in a dark room, it doesn't make the room look brighter or more visible, it makes all of the impurities of the room visible (God help you if you ever had to use it is a dude's room). The purpose of black light is the complete opposite of the use of regular light. Sure, they both help you to see, but one is only meant for the bad things.

I would like for all of you to think about how you are all using your light. Light helps you see everything, the good and the bad, in everything else and within your self

Monday, March 28, 2011

When I was a little girl, I would see these pretty little flowers scattered all over the place. I learned that there were called dandelions. What a cute name, I thought. I later learned that Dandelions were weeds and that people didn't want weeds in their gardens. People would have a very hard time trying to get rid of these dandelions because the roots were very strong and they ran deep into the earth. The only way that a dandelion can be destroyed is if the roots (its connection to the earth) is destroyed.

I would like to think that people are like dandelions. We are beautiful creations that are put on this earth to live. We may encounter people in our lives who don't find us appealing and may, in turn, want to destroy us. They attack us superficially. They try to convince us that there is something wrong with us. They try to convince us that we are ugly, unwanted weeds.

When we continue to thrive and succeed, they wonder how it is that we do what we do and start to question our values and principles. "She got the promotion because she is sleeping with her boss", "He probably stole that watch from somebody else". What these people begin to realize is that we, like dandelions, have strong roots. That is why they feel the need to attack us on a deeper level. They make us question our relationships and the things that we believe in.

{Roots are a dandelion's connection to the earth. Relationships (to our families, our friends, ourselves, and our beliefs) are our connections to the Earth. I've learned that a relationship is proof that we are living. If I was the only thing in existence, how would I know that I existed? I would know that I am alive because there is something or someone else to relate to.}

Every living thing in existence has the same goals, "be, grow and multiply". What we humans refuse to understand is that things really are as simple as that. Our roots (relationships) help us to achieve those goals. The people who put us down are afraid to be seen as ugly ol' weeds so instead of boosting themselves up to feel like beautiful flowers, they convince everyone around them that they are ugly ol' weeds as well. They are weakening the relatinships that they have with us by trying to weaken our relationships with others. While trying to destroy us, they are, in turn, destroying themselves.

Not only do you empower your self, but you empower others when you keep your roots strong.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

If I were on Glee, I think I would play Mercedes' sister. I've already given her the name "Portia" and a storyline.

Portia is home for spring break from college. She's an A student but she is having trouble fitting in and making friends. She gets jealous of Mercedes for having this great group of glee friends and gets all "attitudey" with her sister. One night when Mercedes, Rachel and Kurt are having a sleep over, Portia becomes green-eyed when she sees how much fun they are having. Portia gets into an argument with Mercedes about how she needs to study and the others are making too much noise or whatever. Mercedes then says something mean like "Why did you have to come home anyway? Nobody asked you to come!" Portia starts to cry and goes back into her room. Rachel and Kurt persuade Mercedes to reconcile with her sister. Portia confesses her jealousy and they make up and Mercedes confesses that the always wished she were smarter like Portia. Rachel, Kurt and Mercedes decide to give Portia a little makeover and they all sing "Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee" from Grease while doing so.

Doesn't that sound like a good episode? I just think that Glee needs a little more color and Mercedes deserves a little more plot than "I'm the sassy full-figured black girl who fell for the gay guy so now you will never see me with a love interest".

I'm sorry but how is it that every other girl on that show (aside from dear, blessed Beckie) manages to get multiple hook-ups and Mercedes is the only one who has to sit alone jonesing for Kurt. (It's like me in high school)

Monday, February 28, 2011

I've talked about how fun reading can be and being able to escape to another world while reading. Lately, I've found myself completely embodying the characters in the books that I read.

I find a relatable character, most likely the female lead, and I become her for the duration of my reading time. I feel her anger, her sorrow, her passion. I don't do this intentionally; it just sort of happens. Maybe it's normal, maybe it isn't, but I feel like a completely different person.

It could very well be bacause I find my real life so blah, and the lives of the characters in the books so much more exciting. I don't actually wish I was that character because sometimes they go through some effed up stuff, but I guess my deeper reason for wanting to feel their lives is because their stories were worth telling. Whether fictional or not, someone felt it was important to tell a story of that particular person, and I would like to live a life that is worth being remembered.

Friday, February 25, 2011

It hurts to know that the people who I thought were on my side were only there for their own personal gain. How can it be that the only reason why these people help me is because I'm doing what they want me to do. How can these people, who are supposed to love me unconditionally, make me feel like if I don't do as I'm told, I won't be loved.

These are not the people that I want in my life.

We choose the people that are in our lives, whether we know it or not. I choose to take these people out of my life.