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Saturday, March 18, 2006

dietary hypocrisy

So the other day I was about to make breakfast, I pulled my egg beaters out of the fridge and I heard for the hundredth time “now what IS that, actually?” On the carton it says “made with real eggs” and what it means is “made with 99% egg whites and some spices and salt so it doesn’t taste like shit” and that’s why I like it; it’s fat and cholesterol free AND it doesn’t taste like shit.

Now what gets me is the same people who turn their noses up at me eating egg beaters and drinking lactose-free milk [hey—I’m lactose intolerant and I love dairy, what else am I supposed to do?] will turn around and drink beverages with Nutrasweet and eat Ramen and other unrecognizable processed foods and never think twice about it. [Don’t get me wrong—Maruchan Ramen is the shit, but it supports my point, so bear with me] There is nothing natural or nutritious about Nutrasweet, and some scholars think it’s linked to causing migraines and such.

I once read a study about “diet” soft drinks that showed a correlation between people being overweight and drinking these drinks. It was like, "hey—here are people who drink these diet drinks, and 10 years later 80% of them are overweight" Are they overweight because of the drinks? Probably not, but it can’t be good for them to be putting such weird chemicals in their bodies religiously for decades. Here’s what I have to say: if you’re thirsty and don’t want to ingest sugar, have a glass of water. It’s good, it’s pure, it's free—and if you want to pay for it you can even get it in various plastic tastes depending on your bottled brand preference.

I am so tired of seeing all these women, fat and skinny and everything in-between, walking around carrying “diet” this and that. If you’re really on a diet, stop putting gross soda into your body [the caffeine in it is dehydrating you anyway] and drink a liter or two of water every day and see how that does for ya. And if you don’t like the taste of plain water, don’t go buy “fitness water” sweetened and flavored with Nutrasweet and the like, just squeeze a lemon or lime into your water.

Yeah, that’s right, I like my water flavored with an actual fruit from an actual tree; I like my flavored water will all 2 of its calories!

So fuck you, crazy “diet”ers, I’ll keep my real fruit flavoring and egg whites and natural peanut butter because I happen to like looking on the back of the jar and seeing “Ingredients: peanuts, salt” and knowing I’m not putting any partially-hydrogenated bullshit into my arteries.