Monday, August 16, 2010

The Five Stages of Niebling

1. Denial. "I really don't care if I never knit a pattern by Herbert Niebling. Hundreds of millions of people are born, live and die without ever knitting a Niebling; and yet they lead happy, fulfilling lives. What do I need with a doily, anyway? I don't even like doilies. No, I am absolutely not going to buy this book of lace patterns by Herbert Niebling."

2. Anger. "You know what, you stupid m-----f----ing doily? There's no law that says I am required to finish you. I can't be arrested for refusing to undo the same four rounds again. I could go shoe shopping or watch 'The Bachelorette' like a normal person. But first, I could cut you up into little pieces and use you stuff a cat toy. I've got the scissors right here. How would you like that, stupid doily? You want to end up inside a cat toy? How does that sound, m----f---er? Answer me! Shut up!"

3. Bargaining. "Listen, if we can just get to the end of this round of blossoms without running into any errata, I'll make a handsome donation to the American Society for the Preservation of Antimacassars and we'll go get some ice cream."

4. Depression. "A doily. A floral doily. In twenty-first century urban America. Stacks and boxes of thousands of unused, neglected doilies going for a nickel each at garage sales all over the place–and I'm knitting another one. Why? Why bother to bring another doily into a world that doesn't want it?"

5. Acceptance. "It wasn't so bad, really.

Of course, I'm not going to knit another one.

One is plenty.

I really don't care if I never knit another pattern by...[repeat from Stage One]."

118 comments:

I'll give you a nickel for it. Plus postage. Seriously--that is so freaking gorgeous, it makes me dizzy just looking at it. That could be the wine I had at dinner, but still, it is stunning. I understand the allure. So far, I have resisted but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out.

Now I feel really crappy about my knitting self. I finally worked myself up to a sweater, in moss stitch. This is not to say I haven't been knitting happily and well for a dozen years but seriously... I may as well not know how.

I have the book but have yet held it open long enough to start knitting from it. The charts are daunting! I'm in the middle of Nancy Bush's nuppfest Miralda but when I need a little nudge to attempt Herr Niebling's little lacy things I'll look to your lovely pic for inspiration.

Not to sound like a parrot, but "Beautiful!" The workmanship is beyond belief!

Best uses for yard sale doilies I've ever found! 1) A line of them across an attractive curtain rod to give a finish to a window you don't want to cover. 2)Framed. 3) Inside the window of a small cabinet I decided to use in the bathroom for meds and such. (Who wants to see nasal spray and pill bottles?) 4)Top for a pillow. In the same vein, slightly damaged ones have been cut down to edge pillow cases. 5)Insert for a night gown (This is especially good for ones which are not completely intact and you don't mind cutting into.)In fact, why not plan a sweater around one? The first four were at their most appropriate when I lived in a two hundred year old house in the Shenandoah Valley, Virginia. Less so now that I'm living in a new home in dustville near the beach in a country that gets .06cm of rain, on the average during the summer months, and at least that daily in dust coverage!

Beautiful! And you celebrated the 100th birthday of Elizabeth Zimmermann (8/9/10) by following her advice and knitting on, with confidence and hope, through all crises. Although I bet there was judicious use of liquor in there. And ice cream. Possibly pie. Gwyn

You MUST take that with you on your next trip to the coffeehouse. THEN let somebody dare to needle the man who brings his own doilies! Also, maybe the doilies in boxes should have been pressed into use for the BP cleanup? How different was macassar oil from crude?

I have the book, I have drooled looking through the book. Niebling was a master. One day I will do one, if I can do Sharon Miller's shawls I can do a Niebling. Sad thing is I have 0000 and 000 needles just siting and waiting for that day

Ach do liber himmel (guess my 6th grade german is really rusty!)!!! It's just knit and purl - right??? Perhaps I could do that - right???That's what us knitters tell ourselves and then we're in over our heads!! It's absolutely stunning! I'll give you a quarter plus postage.

You've inspired me to try a doily. I didn't think I was a doily person either, until my dear MIL made me several over the years (crocheted though, with a hook small enough that I'd need a magnifying glass to see the thread). They hold places of honor on antique tables in our house. I've been knitting lace bookmarks for friends and library volunteers. On to the round form next!

You know what?? I mean really I had no interest in doilies. Yeah, every once in a while at a sale I would buy one, but I never, ever wanted to make one, and now thanks to you I do. If you've given me Niebling syndrome so help me......Really someone help me.

Franklin, your writing is hilarious and your knitting lovely. I laughed aloud. After giving away antimacassars and lace "dresser scarves" ages ago, why is the pull of making lace so strong? Your work is excellent. Thanks for the chuckles.

Stage 6: Enabling others so that they too could enjoy the pain. Am I so out of my mind that I had to rush to Amazon to buy the book before it sold out? Like everyone else in the world would immediately want to do this? Alas, yes, I am.

On a cold and grey chicago morn, another little baby doily was born...

in the ghetto...

I like how you mentioned those doilies in the garage sales, because I always rumamage through those boxes and buy a few, and I always feel good that I've 'saved' them from neglect and abandonment. Like a vintage doily foster mother.

Do you have the 1986 edition, or the updated 2009 edition (with the "geez, don't kill me people -- I think I fixed the errata this time" comment at the front of the book)? I just got myself a copy of the latter, so help me.

That is beautiful. And now I'm knitting a Niebling doily. I have never had the desire to knit a doily in my life, but because I read this, I looked up his patterns and fell in love with the intricacy of them. I haven't a clue what to do with the doily once it's finished and blocked.

Damn you and your Neibling ways! I had to purchase the book and now I'm eyeballing the patterns, trying which one has the pleasure of putting me over the edge. By the way.... what yarn did you use? Linen? Cotton?

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