James Franco does a lot of things with his time, and you think he might be too busy to read everything that was written about him. But apparently we're not the only ones who have Google alerts set up on our names, because he happened upon something slightly bitchy that writer Drew Grant said about him in the New York Observer, and he pounced like the handsome literary jungle cat that he is.

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You see Franco has been keeping a little diary for the Huffington Post. He wrote about a ghost tour he'd taken in New Orleans, and then Grant called him out for not talking about something serious enough. Franco fought back by saying that nobody would care what he had to say about politics, etc.—which is, of course, true. And so he chose to write about something he found interesting. He then says Grant and those like her should "start asking themselves why, instead of covering pressing world issues, they are covering my writing, which they claim to consider petty." Good point, but it's kind of funny that Franco even cared enough to defend himself against charges of being petty. He then segues into a meandering reflection on how dumb commencement speeches are. Yet he decided to give one at a college in Texas, and he got help from writers to craft the speech. He must be proud of it, because he quotes at length, if you are interested. Oh, James Franco, you are such a beautiful enigma. [HuffPo]

Josh Hutcherson caused a bit of an internet freakout earlier this week by tweeting about getting his broken nose fixed and appearing in public with it bandaged after surgery. Everyone thought he'd gotten a nose job. He said he was getting a deviated septum fixed. Anyway, yesterday he appeared at a Jamba Juice with his mother, and his bandage was off. Guess what? His nose looks pretty much exactly the same. Too bad. It would have been awesome if he'd had a beak installed on his face or something wild like that. [Us]

Well, here's an absolutely heartbreaking piece of gossip: Apparently there are pictures of Robert Pattinson getting his nipples licked during a recent magazine photoshoot, but he's banned them from publication. What a tragedy for all the Twihards out there who could have gotten fuel for a thousand pages worth of fanfic from something like that. [Showbiz Spy]

BREAKING NEWS: 18-year-old Justin Bieber has admitted to having a beer—as in one:

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For me, it's just like, I like to be in control of myself. I mean, I've had a beer, like, before... But I never get out of control.

Despite the fact that Jay-Z always seems to be doing a million things, he said he's taking a break from work to hang out with Blue Ivy™. He said, "I want to enjoy this time for what it is. I'm sure that bug to get back in the studio will come back at some point." Please, pretty please can we get an album of Jay-Z lullabies? [E!]

Fans of American Idol will be sad (or maybe not) to learn that Jennifer Lopez has decided to leave the show because she has too much else going on. Part of what she's busy doing is being powerful—she just took the top spot on Forbes's list of most powerful people. Not bad, Jenny from the block. [Us]

Lindsay Lohan has apparently moved out of the Chateau Marmont and into a four bedroom house that her "billionaire boyfriend" Vikram Chatwal is paying for. Okaaaay. [CDaN]

The always lovable Mindy Kaling kept a diary of her time experiencing the upfronts for Vulture, and obviously it makes her even more lovable than she already was. [Vulture]

Chris Hemsworth took a walk in London with his brand new baby daughter India, and, maybe it's just his giant man hands, but she looks like the tiniest bundle of joy ever. [Socialite Life]

Sasha Baron Cohen was on a yacht with Elisabetta Canalis and as part of some very bizarre publicity stunt for his new movie, The Dictator, he pretended to kill her and throw her body into the ocean in a trash bag. Umm? I guess it worked, however, since here we are talking about it… [ONTD]

Kris Jenner was on the Today Show this morning, but she refused to make a comment on the status of Kimye. She said instead, "I stopped commenting about the details in my kids' friendships and relationships, because I get nothing but in trouble. He's great and she seems happy." Whatever you say, Kris. But thanks for tacitly admitting that they're together anyway, you sneaky fox. [Radar]

God help us all. Joey Lawrence has signed on to become part of a male stripper crew at Chippendale's in Las Vegas. Insert obligatory "Whoa" reference here. [TMZ]

Brian Williams hit David Letterman's show last night and was his usual hilarious self. When Letterman asked him what happened to Cairo, the dog who was part of the raid on Osama bin Laden's compound, Williams came out with, "He was last, uh, seen on the roof of the Romneys' station wagon." BOOM! That is how it's done. [Vulture]

Welp, Teen MomJenelle is reportedly engaged to her boyfriend Gary Head. Obviously there is no reason to think they won't live happily ever after together. [ONTD]

Benedict Cumberbatch was in the audience this week for Dancing with the Stars, but somehow they failed to cancel all of the dancing and just show a shot of his face while the audience chanted "Benedict Cumberbatch! Benedict Cumberbatch! Benedict Cumberbatch!" That's kind of weird, right? [ONTD]

Will Smith is busy promoting Men in Black 3, but that didn't stop him from taking a minute to work out with the British Olympic team while he was in London. He tried boxing, hurdles, and even the triple jump. [E!]

Aww, the New York Senate officially honored Adam "MCA" Yauch this week with a resolution that reads in part:

WHEREAS, The music and message of the Beastie Boys evolved over the years, but they can't, they don't, they won't stop changing the face of hip-hop, of music, and of our culture; and
WHEREAS, The Beastie Boys exemplified New York through a period in
which grassroots creativity and a community of iconoclastic artists
helped redefine and rejuvenate a city on the ropes, with iconic imagery
from Brooklyn to Ludlow Street;

Daniel Squadron, the senator who introduced the resolution ended his speech with this amazing tidbit: "Whatever happens in the future, we know that Adam Yauch and the Beastie Boys can't, won't, and don't stop. Thank you madame President." [HuffPo]

Ooh, the fast talking, very clever Aaron Sorkin has signed on to write and direct the Steve Jobs movie. That should make for a very witty-banter-heavy film. [CNN]