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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Knowledge and Instinct

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting PhilosophyThis post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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"When you know better, you do better"

- Maya Angelou

I had to think about this topic a bit. I had all these ideas and thoughts about what my parenting philosophy is, but then I realized it was actually quite simple.

When it comes to my parenting philosophy, the quote above pretty much sums it up for me.

I started out my journey as a parent, without knowing all that much about actual parenting. But something within me had the drive to learn, to ask questions, to not take things as is, but instead to question the status quo when it didn't feel right. I suppose I could say this stems from way, way back because as a child I was always encouraged to explore, learn and always ask questions. But most importantly to always be myself and to always find a way to be able to express that, even when it wasn't seen by society as the ideal or encouraged response.

So when my beautiful daughter came into the world five years ago, that part of me naturally seemed to extend into my parenting...the way I was to be a mother. I remember when she was in the NICU as a newborn, I started seeing my mothering side come out in the way I would follow my instincts and want to hold her skin-to-skin for hours on end even when it wasn't what the nurses would have liked (for their convenience). And as she grew, my trust in my instinct and my drive to follow it also grew. But I also had a drive to learn.

Of course I made mistakes, I still do. But like the quote above, it's in striving to know better that we can do better. If we don't ask questions, we can't learn. And if we don't learn, then we might keep making mistakes.

I truly believe that as parents, we all want the best for our children. And we each have our own ways of knowing what that is. Every family is unique and grows in its own way. So you can't apply a parenting style or parenting technique to everyone. But, there is a common thread in raising happy, healthy children: having love, respect, acceptance and encouragement. Children who feel and experience this, flourish. It's like having a garden. The garden itself can look very different from home to home, but what makes it grow big and beautiful is the nourishing soil and the knowledge and patience of the gardener to care for the plants.

I do truly feel that our instincts are very powerful and important, and when we are tuned into them it is a truly empowering way to make decisions and live our lives. But we also need to be able to be willing to learn and educate ourselves {and our children} so that we may always be improving and growing.

So I suppose my parenting philosophy boils down to:
- Ask a lot of questions and encourage your children to as well
- Have a thirst for knowledge!
- Respect yourself and respect your children

but most importantly...

Have a home that is full of love, acceptance and encouragement!

And I hope that this will lay the important foundation for my children to be able to have meaningful, loving, intimate relationships and live their lives with a happy heart.

***Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:(This list will be live and updated by afternoon July 12 with all the carnival links.)

really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.

Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured's parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).

First Year Reflections — As her daughter's first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.

Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.

Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.

Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.

Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom's parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.

Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.

Connection, Communication, Compassion — She's come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.

My Parenting Inspirations - Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.

Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It's the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.

THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter's life.

On Children — "Your children are not your children," say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.

This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.

My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she's using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.

Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.

Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.

Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it's important for her daughter's growth.

What's a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.

So true! I hope my daughter sees me modeling of a thirst for knowledge and new adventures and in turn will be set free on her own paths of adventures and learning confindent enough in herself to ask the hard questions and to take the paths less traveled if she chooses.KatieThe Sparkle Mama

I agree completely. I was raised to question and my parents have always respected my choices. I'm so grateful because these qualities have helped me be my own person, hone my instincts and follow my bliss. What a gift you're giving your children!

I love your emphasis on knowledge. I feel like I wasn't encouraged to ask questions as a kid, so it's something I've had to learn as an adult. It's definitely something I want to encourage in my children. And I love that quote!

Those are some very sound points. I am glad the way you were raised gave you a beautiful foundation for being a great parent yourself! I totally agree with respect, questioning and learning being the most important starting points!