Frustration

OK.. so I've been a member of this site for awhile now and I've gotten literally thousands of winks, e-mails, and ims. So while sifting through all that...I ocasionally decide to meet some people. I really put conscious effort into deciding who to meet...If I like their e-mail, message, profile, or whatever, I'll chat with them awhile: exchange pictures, see if we have anything at all in common, etc. Ultimately, I want to find a friend with benefits type person, not a serious reationship and not a one night stand. I try to be very clear about that to everyone I chat with. I just want someone who I get along with, have something in common with, feel comfortable with, am attracted to, and can have an all around good time with whether having sex or not. (after all, you have to do something between sex sessions ) I don't expect any kind of commitment, obligation, or drama from anyone. I do, however, expect honesty, respect, equality, and straightforwardness because those things are important to me. I exhibit all of those qualities toward others and I expect the same in return. It seems, however, that when I hook up with someone off this site, one of two things happens. We hook up up once and it's really not there for whatever reason so that's it...or...We hook up, have a great time, hook up some more, have more great times..then eventually, the royal blow off occurs. I either get a really lame excuse or no explanation at all. It drives me crazy. Is it so hard to accept the concept of having the type of relationship where both people can have a fun, exciting, pleasurable time together with nothing more? Or is it that people just can't be honest and straight forward about what they want or don't want. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. I can handle that a lot better than being blown off with no good reason or explanation. If anyone has any insight into this matter at all, I'd love to hear it.

Welcome to the blogs. I don't think you're asking too much nor is what you're running into an uncommon problem around here. Honestly, I think the blogs are a much better place to start out than emails. Seems to me you get to know a lot more about the person. The only minor setback is that someone you seem to hit it off with on your blog may be half way around the planet as opposed to the local emails. Anyway, best of luck in your search.

The only thing I'll throw out is some folks THINK they know what they want, and when they get it...it isn't what they expected.;ie casual friend sex. I know that doesn't answer all your questions but I hope it answered one.

Thank you Blondie. My experience has been exactly the same. I am very open and honest as well and generally say exactly what's on my mind. Scares most I think. More often than not innocent comments or even compliments (awesome sex, darlin') are taken the wrong way. I want to get to know you better does not equal I want to move in with you.

My guy friends tell me it's almost always cold feet (simply because there is some attraction and they don't know what to do with it). Not sure I completely buy that one, but hey, I asked for their perspective.

Lusty has something I believe. Many clearly state they are looking for the same as I am. Something between a fuck buddy and LTR. Attraction, chemistry, like interests, and being comfortable with the other. In reality, they are in love with the idea of the above, but have no idea how to put it into practice.

So guys, Just fuckin' ENJOY IT, will ya?

Welcome to blogland!! Hang here, it's much more fun. And there are a lot of really great people in blogland (and that's speaking as a new blogger).

Yes, blondie. Well put. Believe that is true. If I indicate in the slightest way that I'm "falling" for a guy they run like hell. Why? It's not an obligation of any kind. No expectations in return. But the fear of expectations and obligation is greater than just enjoying the time and not reading additionals into it. Can we really seperate wanting that person to return our affections, and expecting them to do so? Very different way to look at things and live relationships. But not impossible.

blondie, I too have that problem, or even they chat, talk to me on the phone, then, when I am ready to meet them they turn chicken. I even wrote a short blog about it. The men were offended. Maybe its just this town???purr........

I agree that it may be that they are afraid that someone may start to 'fall' for them, but I also think it may be that no 2 people can have exactly the same idea of what 'fuck buddies' or 'friends with benefits' means. Does it mean that you go out with them to dinner, movies, bars, sporting events or whatever once or twice a week and if so don't you think this starts to seem an awful lot like dating. At that point to a lot of us it seems like you now have a significant other. It is one thing to meet once in a while and maybe have a dinner and some converstaion followed by great sex, but when you start talking about hanging out more than just occasionally then aren't you by definition dating. I mean if you were truly friends with benefits then if you were out with your friend and he or she finds someone else they want to spend time with then you should be ok with them say going home with that person instead of you, but iI for one don't want that, unless of course they invite me to go with them. LOL. I am not condoning meeting someone and then just never calling them or cutting all ties with no reasons given, that is just plain ill mannered and rude. I am also not saying that 'friends with benefits' can't or won't work. I just think it is extremley rare for that kind of relationship to last for very long. It is inherently unstable since most of us non sociopaths can't help but develop some emotional attachment with someone we are intimate with. I am not saying one person is going to fall in love with the other, but humans have emotions and they inevitably get tangled into every relationship we have with another human being.

Now that I've blathered on about all that I just want to say that I have had a couple "friends with benefits' type relationships over the last few years and they have been great experiences for me. All parties need to be honest and up front and respect each other. You also have to realize that there will probably come a point when things have reached a stopping point. One where you both can part as friends. This is all just my opinion, and I am not saying I am right about anything, just going from my experience.

I also forgot to add that there are quite a few people on here that are just here for the thrill of being on this 'sex' site. I want you to know there are just as many women who chicken out as ther are men. So we're all in the same boat there. I have had a few women and even a couple of couples who I got through the initial stages of getting in touch with only to have them abruptly fall off the face of the earth. I think we all just have to try not to take it as a personal insult and shrug it off. It is going to happen. I just wish there was some kind of feedback system like Ebay has so that you could warn other members about bad behavior. It would make this site a lot more user friendly.

I also agree with runz that people on here just need to remember that we are all here for a good time and to just fuckin' enjoy it.

Sorry, I know I am now way past putting in my 2 cents I am probably at about a buck and a quarter.

It's hard to say for sure b/c in all likelyhood the reasons are a bit different from person to person. You are doing the right thing in being open and honest. The unfortunate truth is that not everyone is capable of that.

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