Owens, 39, played college basketball in the mid-1990s for Tennessee-Chattanooga, so it's not a completely insane request, just a mostly insane one. Since no football team, whether in the NFL or IFL, wants him on the field, Owens thought he'd try to work his way onto an NBA squad.

He has about the same chance of making the Clippers as I do. But let's say he did. What could T.O. bring to the team? Here are his six best qualities: