2 responses to “#315”

Certainly an anonymously sent full-throttle, birch-bearing, snarling Krampus-O-Gram can be an effective check on those adults with some shred of a soul left. But for taming the kiddies nothing beats a woman in white floating into a bedroom in the wee hours wearing St Lucy’s flaming crown and carrying a plate of marzipan eyeballs! (Best used on others’ children though as the cost of subsequent years of therapy can be prohibitive.)

Though especially popular in the run-up to Christmas, birch-wielding Krampus-o-grams are useful year-round, whether for scolding ill-behaved/forgetful children of all ages—from irascible youths to adults who forget their mothers’ birthdays—or for more business-like purposes such as collecting unpaid debts and issuing notices of severance. “Quick is the whip, sharp is the tongue—trust Krampus-o-gram for all your formal chastising needs.”

As for Saint Lucia… are the marzipan eyeballs served with a lingonberry compote? A nice touch of edible gore could really up the behaviour-correcting existential dread.