Home

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Forgiveness for Cheating Husband's Girlfriend

In a recent post over at the blog, Emotional Affair Journey, Linda discusses whether or not she forgives her husband's mistress. This got me thinking about my own ability to forgive.

I don't really think about forgiving her because I really have nothing to do with her. If she were a friend or someone I saw on a daily basis (OH THANK GOD I DON'T), I guess there would be a time when I would have to decide if I could forgive her. However, since I am blessed not to have to deal with that over everything else, I don't spend any brain power thinking about forgiving her.

What does it really matter anyway? And honestly, I blame my cheating husband more than I blame her. Of course, she sought out my husband so she does have a major role in the infidelity, but really, my husband should have resisted her advances.

Not to say that I don't have rage for her, because believe me, I hate her. She knew he was married and had two kids. What kind of person tries to break a marriage and take a father from his children? That's a pretty self absorbed person...

5 comments:

I would totally feel the need to call/text/meet her and ask her wth she was thinking when she decided to seduce my husband. I'd blame him but I'd want her to look me in the eye and admit she was a stupid whore. But that's me and I like confrontation. :D

I would LOVE to confront my husband's whore, but she is also married with small children, and her husband doesn't know. I know the kinds of things that I thought about doing to HER at first, and have been in the 'protect my family' mode since the beginning of this disaster, and don't know what her husband would do when he finds out. I did call her at her work and leave a couple of nasty voice mails on her phone, to which she DID go running to my husband, but according to him he just told her that they deserved the nastiness for the horrible thing they did (I think he actually loved that I was fighting for him!). I know WAY too much about the stranger that invaded my family without my consent, though she and I have never met. I promised myself, though, that if things go to crap with my husband and I that I will make it my mission to destroy her! I KNOW that she pursued him - not that that excuses HIM at all, but what kind of married woman with kids chases after a man that she knows is also married with kids? She KNEW - they've worked at the same company for a LONG time. As long as my husband and I are still together, though, I will keep my silence to protect my family... I REALLY hope that there is such a thing as Karma!! I REALLY do!!

I am in a similar situation and I know the answer to your question. I do not think it is that difficult. It is the kind of woman that has decided that her marriage is going to be over and is just waiting for a better option to come along. Usually she would go for someone who is making more money. They cannot do their maths, and do not realize that even if they were to succeed, they would not be able to have what you have as marital assets get split and he may have to financially support you as well as the children the children.

Honestly I felt the same way about my husband's mistress. I thought she was a whore and I hated every inch of her. I forgave my husband and we have an awesome marriage now. We lived so long in a bad marriage that when we tried to change things nothing ever helped. There was a brick wall between us with years of bricks that stacked up to create a wall that was just too hard to break down. It wasn't until he had an affair and moved out that things started to change. We opened up about everything. We laid it all out on the line and did this for a couple months. And each time we had a talk or spent time together it got better and better. I hate that he had an affair (which lasted months) BUT I think we needed something big to happen to help us break down that big wall. We turned something negative into something positive. So I forgave him. But I was living with this hate towards this other woman. It started to consume me. And I have always been a positive person but I found myself living each day with this hate and all these negative thoughts. I didn't want what they did to change who I was. I should be happy. And I realized that I was letting it change me. I have control over my thoughts... Not home or her. So I called her. And we talked briefly, and over the next few weeks we texted too. She apologized and we talked about how things happen for a reason that we understand later. Through our conversations I realized she was not a bad person. She did a bad thing as did my husband. They made mistakes. They were both in an unhappy marriage and chose to act on it in a bad way. But it didn't make them horrible people... It made them human, as humans make mistakes. So since I forgave my husband, I realized I could forgive her. And once I did I felt amazing. I was myself again! And I felt free and like I overcame a huge obstacle. So you know, she lives in another town and I never had to deal with her normal do I now. And she has her own family and us working on getting own marriage. So I could have lived my life hating this woman and making myself miserable BUT I chose to be happy. And it has made a world of difference in myself, my marriage and my life.

I am glad you were able to do so. Your husband got involved with a decent person who made a mistake, that can happen. Unfortunately it is not always like that. In my case she was and is a whore. Any woman who stays with a married man for years, making plans for a future when he will be able to leave his wife because the children are old enough cannot be called otherwise. Why do I say so? Because even though in the majority of cases the man has no intention of leaving the wife, these kind of relationship destroy the marriage over time and these women know it and they hope that when enough damage is done they can reap the benefit of their "hard planning and work".