Willie Green - The nemesis of any respectable prostitution ring and Dolemite's rival, takes a fall.

Willie Green's Men - A bunch of thugs and bouncers, no match for Dolemite and his Kung Fu Hookers.

The Plot:

Any movie which makes me take notice of the language is an eye opener to start with. When it involves a very large jiving man who commands an army of hookers trained in martial arts I get excited. Hence we have this piece of work. Dolemite was set up by Mitchell and White (Who take their orders from the Mayor, who has a business relationship with Willie Green.) on drug and theft charges. When the prison warden notices crime is still skyrocketing he makes Dolemite a deal, clean up the streets and you're a free man. ("Hey boss, we imprisoned this guy, but the crime rate is going up. Obviously he wasn't the problem, guess we should let him out...") What follows is chaos, crazy fight scenes, gratuitous sex, and some amazingly funny dialog. One of the first things accomplished is getting Dolemite's nightclub back from Willie Green, which is neatly taken care of by a secret compartment full of cash under the floor. (Queen Bee had to give up the club for borrowing money.) Willie is not very happy with losing his cash cow, when he shows up with a small army of henchmen to shut the club down all heck breaks loose. I love the martial arts touch, nobody just throws punches, have you ever seen a girl wearing polyester bell bottoms use Ti Kwan Leep on someone? Good stuff, I assure you. On top of all this you have our title character's wardrobe, any man confident enough to wear those has to be tough.

Things I Learned From This Movie:

The FBI does not require search warrants.

Never ask some girl, who is holding a switchblade, to help you.

Hookers are prone to mood swings.

Poetic street dissertations are a valid form of ID.

Bad edits really can ruin a sex scene.

Hookers are all blackbelts.

Compound interest sucks.

I really don't need to see some fat guy naked, especially from the rear.

It takes less than ten seconds to strangle someone.

Shooting with two pistols is much easier if you are bowlegged.

Stuff To Watch For:

4 mins - Somebody was paid to choreograph this fight scene?

11 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!

13 mins - Where did all the dead guys go?

16 mins - I want a red velour couch!

19 mins - That's quite a massage, hey, what sort of place is this anyway?

19 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!

21 mins - Oops, boom mike...

40 mins - Now that is one big woman.

41 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DOMINOS!

44 mins - RANDOM GRATUITOUS BREAST SHOT!

66 mins - Enough of this dance scene, please?

77 mins - Good towel, good towel...stay...

Ending Credits - Special thanks to: Mr. Fat Burger and The Geisha House of Beautiful Women.

Nearly 20 years ago, my college friends and I thought we were "retro" by screening various blaxploitation films just for the fun of it. At the time, some of the films were only 10-15 years old and many of our parents were young enough to have seen them in the cinema when they were released. Out of them all, "Dolemite" hit us like a ton of really funny bricks. Yes, the visible boom mics and wires and the cheesy Kung Fu and the wild conventions (Queen Bee's Kung Fu hookers) were funny in and of themselves. But for the fellas -- we just kept looking at ol' Rudy and saying "This? This guy is the Super Mack? This scraggly, fat, bloodshot-eyed buffoon?" And we loved him. And yes, in our late 30's, we still regularly quote lines from the film. The movie is funniest if you have been drinking and take turns with the remote, permitting drunken one-liners from the audience at every possible interval. Remember: back then people were tired of "being hassled by The Man." Dolemite just decided to do something about it. If you don't take yourself too seriously, Dolemite is worth an annual viewing.

This is a great way to weed out your un-hip friends, just pop in Dolemite(or The Human Tornado) and if they are with it, keep 'em. If they don't get it, are offended, or try to play "Mystery Science Theater" throughout the movie, send 'em packing. F--k what Hollywood or the mainstream critics says is a classic. Dolemite is, warts and all, a movie that does what movies are supposed to do: entertain our asses. Long live Rudy Ray Moore.