Monday, October 08, 2012

Flight of the Living Dead

(2007) **

This movie brought up more troubled questions than I'm accustomed to a horror movie bringing up. After reading both JPX's and JSP's review (both from '07), I still haven't answered those questions. I apologize for the incoherence that follows; it's almost as incoherent as the film:

I can't stand movies that take place on a plane because I have yet to board one that's got a spiral staircase, ample standing room, and two aisles.

Aaaaaaaaaand I don't trust what's in the salted peanuts.

All the female characters either fall into the category of Nag or Bimbo. There's some overlap like a Venn diagram from Hell created to make me grind my teeth. Oh yeah, a nun! There's also a nun! But, if the writers and casting people were paying any attention they'd know that first-world nuns don't dress up like that anymore.

"So a nun, a flight attendant, and Betty White walk into a bar..."

The only male African-American characters are ripoffs of Tiger Woods and Colin Powell, and offer little else. The predominantly white cast members offer nothing at all.

All I shall offer are my teeth planted in your sultry legs!

Zombies are dying from chest wounds instead of head shots, they are screeching like banshees rather than groaning like horny tortoises, and only nibble a little bit from each passenger! Hey, did you ever stop to think there might be starving zombies elsewhere in the world! No, because that would mean that you had some braaaaaaaaains! That reminds me of this lovable Kids in the Hall skit from JSP's homeland: