Dying to live

My 33 yr marriage was imperfect like many are. I lost my spouse 18mths ago. He left me with our drug addicted son. We had 2 yrs to say goodbye before he died with colon cancer. Still I was lost for many months without direction. During our marriage I had allowed myself to be verbally abused by my spouse, my son and his family. I stayed because that is what we are supposed to do. I stayed for my son who does not appreciate that. Abuse can be comfortable, familiar and accepting. Today I understand more about living and dying and about being submissive to the point of destruction. So, am I sorry for my life? No, I am thankful that I was lucky enough to live thru it and be able to share the victory of living. I know what I will and won't tolerate in a relationship. There is freedom there, there is strength. My faith has never left me although I lost it at times, we r imperfect people living in an imperfect world. I want to live before I know I am dying. That is the best testimony for life, to just live. God is good and he never left me. He whispered in my ear that I could make it thru the grief and heartache. He tells me that I am safe from my son and gave me the tools to make that happen. He put people in my path to help me understand our purpose and my place in this world. There is a season for our lives, for our loves and for our existence. If u have ever seen someone die and felt helpless, believe that they are in a better place and know that there is a place for us here until we see them again. Don't wait until you are dying to live, make your time here fruitful. Because we know what death is then we must also learn to understand what it means to live without fear. God Bless!

Comments for Dying to live

You are indeed a woman Full of Love and courage. Your story is similar to mine inasmuch as I embrace the same sentiments as you. You are indeed a woman of Integrity. I lost my husband of 44yrs. 11 months ago to cancer. I was his caregiver for 3yrs.39days. It was a very hard painful journey. But as you say. In your story you stayed. You did what you had to do because you believe in God and you did what you had to do FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. We are taught through Scriptures that we are to be OVERCOMERS. That is what you did. It is what I did also. God is giving you the strength to deal with your son. All us mothers can do is to PRAY FOR OUR PRODIGALS. I have one also.There is nothing comfortable about Abuse. But I do understand what you mean. It comes to us in life and we are just accepting of this as we are where we are and if we can't change our circumstances. Then we change our attitude towards our circumstances. That is how we survive. We also Pray for Grace and Strength to ENDURE what we do as a wife and mother and a Believer. As a believer I embrace what you say about not waiting till we are near death to find life is worth living. WE ARE FREE now to do this. How we LIVE is up to us. We have done our duty here on earth and now we live the rest of our lives as best as we can without the guilt. I feel a sense of COMPLETION & SATISFACTION, from having done my best for my family. Having overcome obstacles and endured very difficult times with FAITH and STRENGTH from God. It was God who carried me through the worst times of life. I guess it is the same for you. I applaud you for your grace and beauty in your post and also in your endurance to the end. Your post Blessed me. May God continue to take you through life and put people in your life to help make your life better and worth living. I know you will succeed. You have the right attitude. May God lead your son to Victory in Jesus and help him to see Jesus is His answer for his future and deliverance from his lifestyle of drugs. God Be with You and Bless you Always.!