Thursday, June 15, 2006

After the recent anniversary of my father's death, I told myself I probably wouldn't write about it much anymore. At least not here. Because I've said most everything I have to say on the subject. And for the most part, I'd prefer to keep things fun here.

Of course, it is my blog and I can write about whatever I want. But it's so much more fun when it's an interactive experience with you guys. I'm sure I'll be compelled to write more about my father in the future. But for now, I just wanted to get this one out of my head. And I suppose there's a darkly funny side to it that you might appreciate.

Look, I know people mean well. At least most of them do. And I believe that there's not really a wrong thing to say when trying to console someone in grief. Yes, there are obvious exceptions. But it's a tough situation, one some people just aren't accustomed to dealing with. And if someone feels compelled to say something, just to express a kindness, you have to respect that. You have to be grateful. And I am.

But there's something that's come up over the past couple of weeks that makes me want to scream. And it upsets the hell out of my mother, which is what ultimately pisses me off.

To those whom it may concern: Stop asking her if she's ready to start looking for someone else. Stop acting like the one-year mark means she should be ready to turn some kind of switch and find another partner. Maybe it did for you. If you've lost a spouse yourself, and are fortunate enough to have gotten to a place where you feel comfortable with someone new, that's great. I really am happy for you. And my mother is, too. But please - keep it to yourself.

I understand; you don't know unless you ask. But once it's become obvious that the subject upsets her - which is usually immediately - move on. Just like you apparently think my mother should. For Christ's sake, don't push the matter. Don't justify your thinking or feelings on it. Leave it be. Because it's honestly fucking irrelevant how you feel. Respect how she feels.

How many times has this come up? Let's just say enough times that I felt the need to vent about it here. Which is too many.