[Barack Hussein Obama II (born August 4, 1961)]
Anyway, as always, I want to close on a more serious note. You know, I often joke about tensions between me and the press, but honestly, what they say doesn’t bother me. I understand we’ve got an adversarial system. I’m a mellow sort of guy. And that’s why I invited Luther, my anger translator, to join me here tonight.

[Keegan-Michael Key (Luther):]
Hold on to your lily white butts!

[Barack Obama:]
In our fast-changing world, traditions like the White House Correspondents’ dinner are important.

[Luther:]
I mean, really! What is this dinner?!!! And why am I required to come to it? Jeb Bush, do you really want to do this!

[Barack Obama:]
Because despite our differences, we count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day.

[Luther:]
And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense!! Sharia law is coming to damn Cleveland – run for them damn hills. Y’all is ridiculous.

[Barack Obama:]
We won’t always see eye to eye.

[Luther:]
And, oh….CNN, thank you so much for the wall-to-wall Ebola coverage. For two whole weeks, we were one step away from “The Walking Dead.” And then y’all got up and just moved on to the next day. That was awesome. Oh, and by the way, just if you haven’t noticed, you don’t have Ebola!

[Barack Obama:]
But I still deeply appreciate the work that you do.

[Luther:]
Y’all remember when I had that big old hole in the bottom of the gulf of Mexico, and then I plugged it? Remember that? Which Obama’s Katrina was that one? Was that 19 or was wha-wha-wha — was it 20, because I can’t remember.

[Barack Obama:]
Protecting our democracy is more important than ever. For example, the Supreme Court ruled that the donor who gave Ted Cruz $6 million dollars was just exercising free speech.

[Luther:]
Yes, it’s the kind of speech like this, I just wasted $6 million dollars.

[Barack Obama:]
And it’s not just Republicans. Hillary will have to raise huge sums of money too.

[Luther:]
Aww yeah…she’s going to get that money! She’s going to get all the money! Khaleesi is coming to Westeros! So watch out! Wooooo!

[Barack Obama:]
But we need to focus on big challenges like climate changes.

[Luther:]
Hey, listen y’all, if you haven’t noticed, California is bone dry. It looks like a trailer for the new “Mad Max” movie up in there. Y’all think that Bradley Cooper came here because he wants to talk to Chuck Todd? He needed a glass of water! Come on.

[Barack Obama:]
The science is clear, the science is clear. Nine out of the 10 hottest years ever came in the last decade.

[Luther:]
Now I’m not a scientist, but I do know how to count to ten.

[Barack Obama:]
Rising seas, more violent storms…

[Luther:]
You got mosquitoes, sweaty people on the trains stinking it up. It’s just nasty!

[Barack Obama:] Source: LYBIO.net
I mean, look at what’s – who — look at what’s happening right now. Every serious scientist says we need to act. The Pentagon says it’s a national security risk. Miami floods on a sunny day and instead of doing anything about it, we’ve got elected officials throwing snowballs in the Senate.

[Luther:]
Okay, okay, Mr. President, I think they got it, bro.

[Barack Obama:]
It is crazy! What about our kids?

[Luther:]
Okay.

[Barack Obama:]
What kind of stupid, short-sided irresponsible bull —

[Luther:]
Whoa, whoa whoa, whoa!

[Barack Obama:]
What?

[Luther:]
Hey!

[Barack Obama:]
What!?

[Luther:]
All due – all due respect, sir, you don’t need anger translator. You need counseling.

[Luther:]
And I’m out – out – out of here, man. I ain’t trying to get into all this.