Most Christian guys nowadays have been so emasculated, I doubt they even possess the seduction skills or the sexual attractiveness required to even tempt an affair. But aside from that, DG gets this message wrong on two counts.

First, an “affair” is a cultural sin, not a biblical sin. The biblical sin is adultery, which occurs when one man has sex with another man’s wife. It’s a sin against the man that is analogous to property theft. An “affair”, on the other hand, is a sin against the woman. Same event, different meanings.

Secondly, men do not have affairs because they are searching for “true love.” They have affairs because they’re not getting any action at home and come across an opportunity to sleep with a younger, hotter woman.

I give Desiring God credit for waking me up to some important spiritual truths during my college years. But they have since proven themselves to be incapable of providing truthful commentary on either the Bible or sexuality. I suspect they have been converged by the Enemy. Some of the readers are noticing:

The author at GodRules.net illustrates the heavy burden placed on Christians when precise teaching and thinking is replaced with “spiritual” ambiguity:

The Conservative Church has taken terms like “fornication” and “adultery” and made them mean everything. Everything is fornication. Seeing a nude woman is fornication. Even touching yourself is adultery. Do you see the error? Further, they neglect the precision of scripture and altogether cut out the offenses of idolatry that are connected to adultery, fornication and many of the sins mentioned in scripture…

This is not something that can be easily dismissed. It is almost like some Christians want to take the precision out of scripture. To take the power out of scripture as well. To Gnosticize the Bible into a war between your physical desire and your spirit. When, in reality, they have minimized the sins of the spirit.

This is why I’m skeptical of confessions and catechisms. They make no sense to me and lack the precision found in Scripture. The “conspiracy theorist” part of me suspects they are nothing more than an excuse to browbeat men into submission by expanding the definition of what it means to be a sinner.

I know many people use them with good intentions, and I can see the appeal of having a summary of the Scripture. But I tend to agree with Mark Twain’s assessment:

[Most Christians are] credulous people who venerate the Bible but do not examine it carefully, preferring to rely on what preachers or biblical commentators want them to believe… [M]ost Christians want little more than reinforcement for their sectarian indoctrination.

Tragically, Christians do this at the expense of both church unity and personal freedom. Living in a perpetual state of ambiguous guilt is a heavy burden to bear.

NOTE: This is an article I wrote about 8 months ago but forgot to publish. Other than a couple minor edits, I left it unaltered. I may visit this topic more in the future if I detect a need.

This article is intended to give husbands a new perspective on how they might help their wives heal from past sexual abuse.

I discovered this by accident (or by providence) one day while discussing Proverbs 5:19 with my wife. Surprisingly, I’ve never heard anything like this from any sexual abuse “specialists” (Christian or secular).

After five years of struggling to find a solution for my wife through counseling and therapy books, a spontaneous 20 minute conversation immediately flipped a switch of such powerful healing that I was baffled why it took me so long to find it. It certainly didn’t solve every practical problem at once, but it was a fundamental breakthrough unlike anything I had seen before. In retrospect, it seems obvious. But if you don’t know what to look for, it remains hidden.

In order to avoid revealing anything to personal and hopefully make the point more obvious, I’m going to explain what I discovered through an analogy that men might find more relatable.

“Ugly” Sex

Pretend that you’re living in an alternate world. This world is almost exactly like our own world except for one thing: Whenever men get together, a common conversation theme is how “repulsive” it is when women wear revealing clothing. But other than that one difference, everything else is the same. You still have the same biology and women still act and dress the same.

As a “sexually awakened” teenage boy in this alternate world, you begin to wonder if something is wrong with you. Based on the conversations you hear, you conclude that it is wrong to be aroused by seeing a woman’s cleavage or the curves of her body. After all, it is “disgusting.” You hear that “sex is good”… it’s just women’s body parts that are gross.

But you can’t help feeling the way you do. You get aroused by women’s body parts. What is wrong with you?

When you become a young adult you decide to marry. After all, marriage is good. It’s the only way your sexuality can be purified.

Unfortunately, your problems don’t go away. You are unable to become aroused enough to “do the deed.” It seems that the only way you can be turned on is when you see your wife’s body parts. But you know that is wrong. That’s part of your of your corrupted sexuality that needs to be put away. So you stuff it down and don’t give yourself any opportunity to act on it.

You begin to despair. Why is sex so difficult? What caused you to be this way?

After doing some research, you think you’ve found the answer. You were sexually abused. You’ve tried to repress the memory but it’s coming back to you now…

When you were a 12 years old, your aunt touched your penis. Actually, it was more than just a touch. You were confused. It awakened a thrilling sensation inside of you that you didn’t know your body was capable of. And yet, you knew it was wrong. Your brain couldn’t make sense of the experience. So you buried it.

But now you read that it’s common for boys who’ve been abused to have similar fantasies about women that you are having.

That must be it! You’re a victim. It’s not your fault.

Now if you can only heal from this past experience, you’ll be made a whole again… and all those gross fantasies you’ve been having about women’s bodies will go away.

The Hidden War on Women

I hope you can see the absurdity of this story. The boy was perfectly normal. His biology was simply functioning as it was created to. Even when his aunt inappropriately touched him, the excitement he felt was a natural response. And it certainly wasn’t this inappropriate touching that triggered his fantasies.

As absurd as the story may seem, this is exactly the sort of thing our society does to women. The only difference is women have a different sort of fantasy.

On the surface, this “anti-rape” hysteria seems to be an attack on men. But I’ve now come to believe it is primarily a subtle attack on women.

Imagine a woman growing up in such a culture while secretly having such sexual fantasies. She’s practically forced to respond in at least one of three ways:

Accept that she’s broken beyond repair for some unknown reason

Speak out against rape in attempt to signal to others and herself that she is “normal” (The SJW)

Find some other person or event to blame for these “dirty” fantasies she has (The Victim)

Even when we try to help sexual abuse victims, in our naivity, we often do more harm than good. For what do we tell them? “What he did to you was wrong. You are NOT a sex object. You are a wonderful person.”

Yet the real message she receives is “Rape is bad. You’re a disgusting person for fantasizing about being a man’s sexual object. People think that you’re a good person so don’t let them know about these gross fantasies you’re having.”

But is this what the Scripture teaches?

Beastly Passion in the Bible

Consider Proverbs 5:19:

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

The scripture compares sexuality to an animal. Most modern translations hide the animal-like passion by saying a “graceful” doe… implying that the woman is to be elegant like some sort of fancy ball from a Jane Austin novel. But the Hebrew word used is chen which literally means to “find favor in the eyes of someone” (e.g. a sexually charged man.)

Dalrock described it well when he said the proverb is “exhorting husbands to approach their wives with the same kind of passion a rutting buck has for a doe.”

“Ravished” is translated from shagah. This is the same word used to describe someone who sins or strays from the right path without knowledge. The idea is that the wife is so irresistible to her husband that the husband literally loses control of himself without even realizing what he is doing, acting purely on instinct like the “rutting buck.”

“Always” is translated from tamiyd. This word is used to describe something that is constantly available. The same word is used to describe the “bread of the Presence” that the Lord commanded Israel to set before him in the tabernacle at all times. The idea is that the woman is available at anytime for her husband to ravish.

When this proverb is explained, it sounds an awful lot like a woman’s “rape fantasy.” It’s closer to a trashy erotic novel than the gentle “relationship-centered” sex found in marriage advice books.

Furthermore, it seems that the key to igniting this sexual passion is less about the man developing seduction skills and more about the woman embracing her fantasy for unbridled, almost rape-like sex.

If this is the case, the man is not responsible for getting his wife “in the mood.” Rather, he is to take responsibility for his wife’s well being by confronting her and showing her from the Scriptures that she has been deceived and needs to embrace her God-given sexuality…even if society says it’s wrong.

The Path to Healing

Yes, rape and sexual abuse is wrong. But not in the way our society tells us. It is not wrong because of the act itself. It is wrong because of the context. When it is done outside of a marriage, it is harmful.

But within the context of a marriage, there is no such thing as rape. As far as I can tell, God only gave us two rules to govern sexual passion:

Don’t have sex with anyone who’s not your spouse

Don’t do anything that might put your spouse in the hospital (as a general courtesy)

A woman’s “rape fantasies” are not unscriptural. In fact, they may be closer to the biblical model than anything else. A woman who’s been victimized through sexual abuse (and anti-rape propaganda) will not be healed until she recognizes and embraces her God-given sexual passion.

So if nothing else is working, try this path:

Show your wife that it’s not demeaning to be a “sex object” (Proverbs 5:19)

Teach her that there’s nothing wrong with having “rape fantasies”, and even to embrace them within the context of a marriage

Teach her that what was done to her in the past was wrong, but there’s nothing wrong with her… her supposed “damaged” sexuality is a myth

Teach her that even if she’s not a “Perfect 10”, that you are still turned on by her body. After all, you married her because you wanted to have sex with her!

Teach her to take small steps to act out her sexuality towards you. This will drive out fear. (1 John 4:18)

Remind her of the above truths whenever she falls into old habits and thoughts

So, how do i find local church community that would be in line with what yall talk about here? Are there any key indicators?

Im so new to it i dont necessarily know how to see through the BPChristian veil yet. Im very familiar with TRP concepts however. Its just coupling it with religion that i dont think i can identify well seeing as im just now reading through the bible.

Im really not a fan of the new age, contemporary mega churches with neverending songs for half the servicde but that seems to be the only thing people under 60 attend anymore, especially if theyre single. I must say i prefer traditional services but hey, supply and demand right?

My guess is that, at least at this time, one will not find a truly red pill church. The quest for the “perfect” church is a vain quest. I’d even argue that it’s divisive: each leader will have different ideas of what the perfect church should look like. This is how church splits happen.

Personally, I attend a reformed church. I disagree with almost all the theology, but I attend for several reasons:

The preacher doesn’t bash on men from the pulpit

Social expectation for women to remain faithful to their husbands

Social expectation for women to focus on the home and children (diminishing, but still there)

The preacher isn’t narrow-minded and will make an excellent point from time-to-time

They allow me to stay

The pastor is a classic Delta male, so his marriage advice is mostly useless. But I’d rather have a Delta than a Gamma male occupying the pulpit. Gamma males (in leadership) are the bane of the church. As the Apostle Paul warned:

But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. For some men, straying from these things, have turned aside to fruitless discussion, wanting to be teachers of the Law, even though they do not understand either what they are saying or the matters about which they make confident assertions. (1 Tim 1:5-7)

I have a working hypothesis that it was the influence of a handful of persuasive Gamma males that vilified the male sexual instinct, deified the independent women and plunged the church into theological confusion… but I digress.

Point is, trying to find the “perfect” church is like trying to find the perfect family. Ain’t gonna happen.

Perhaps in the future, when the idolization of women and/or false theology comes to a head… the true believers will be forced to separate and start their own congregations. Until then, just try to find a church that at least gives lip service to biblical gender roles. You can work out the details on your own.

Focus on building your own family first.

—

P.S. My post the other week titled “This is Why the Church is Dead” triggered quite a discussion on the Red Pill Christian subreddit when Rollo Tomassi dropped the link there. I didn’t expect it to be such a hot button issue, but it brought out some interesting points about what the church is or is not. Check it out here.

A: The modern concept of lust is different from the biblical concept of lust. She is probably just noticing physical features that women instinctively find attractive. But if it truly is sinful lust, the solution is simple: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9)

Q: I feel guilty because I privately fantasize about being raped…

A: “Rape” is modern term used to shame both men and women for natural sexual instincts. It is not wrong to have sexual fantasies about being roughly taken by a man. Do not add to the word of God.

Q: Need prayer to heal from the past…

A: Pray. But don’t allow her to continue to identify as a victim. There is (probably) nothing wrong with her physically. It’s all in her head. Help her to focus on positive aspects of sex (like the Song of Songs) rather than negative (like being a sexual abuse victim.)

Q: I have issues with attraction and fantasies towards women…

A: The Bible never condemns women for finding other women sexually attractive. The Song of Songs even encourages it (Song 6:13).

Church culture is now openly hostile towards any expression of conventional masculinity that doesn’t directly benefit women and actively conditions men to be serviceable, gender-loathing Betas. The feminist narrative of “toxic masculinity” has entirely replaced any semblance of what traditional masculinity or manhood once was to the church. Any hint of a masculinity not entirely beholden to a now feminine-primary purpose is not only feared, but shamed with feminine-interpreted aspersions of faith.

This problem is further compounded by the sexual expectations placed on the Christian man:

For the agnostic or areligious man, discarding a Blue Pill social conditioning for a Red Pill awareness is a difficult task, but for men raised to believe that their only doctrinally approved path to sex with a woman is abstinence until marriage, that man’s only hope is to accept his fate and stay the Beta a feminized church has conditioned him to be.

And once he gets to marriage and his approved expression of his sexuality, the “Christian” man finds that the feminized church, even the male elders, expect endless qualifications to women and his wife’s unceasing appeasement in exchange for that approved sex. It’s a tail-chasing that holds men to the old books social order expectations while absolving women of all accountability and expecting him to also make concessions for a new (feminized) social order that’s ensaturated the church.

The institutional church can offer a man no hope. But Christ called us to build and expand a kingdom. And a kingdom requires men.

Ideally, the church and the kingdom of God would be the same. But we cannot serve the institutional church at the expense of doing what God called us to do.

I’m not a revolutionist. I believe it’s good for a man to belong to a church as long as he is able. But I suspect we will see an increasing divide in the coming years between the “church” and true men of God… if for no other reason than that masculine men will be completely ousted from the church.

In tomorrow’s post, I’m going to cover the essential mindset of a kingdom-centered man.

The other day I got in a Twitter “fight” with some random girl named Sherry.

I’ve reproduced the argument below for instructive purposes. Comments are in brackets.

Tony Reinke:Al Mohler (June 2014): “If you get any report of any kind of sexual abuse, certainly involving a minor, you be committed before that ever happens, that before you leave that room you are going to dial 9-1-1 and you’re going to call for help.” [Virtue signaling]

JT: Translation: Always assume the man is guilty and turn the matter over to the secular courts. Hmm…

Sherry: He only said pastors aren’t qualified to investigate. Let the authorities do that. The ‘secular courts’ have presumption of innocence with burden of proof that has to be met. Not like the kangaroo courts we’ve seen in colleges where students can be railroaded with no defense.

JT: Perhaps you don’t know that it is shameful for Christians to go to court? (1 Cor 6)

Sherry: You can’t be serious to think there is a correlation between neighborhood litigation and sexual assault. Perhaps you don’t know that Christians are also sinners and commit crimes. Is this a parody account? [Both women and gamma males argue the same way: address an imaginary argument (“so you’re saying…”) rather than what was said. Then they attempt to change the topic with pseudo-logic and discredit the messenger.]

JT: Taking a sexual assault accusation to court is litigation by definition. Christians are called to use wisdom to judge each case fairly.

JT: Again, have you read 1 Corinthians 6?

Sherry: Yes I have and you’re definitely a joke.

Sherry: Christians are also called to follow the law.

JT: So turning a brother over to the court is following the law?

Sherry: I’m probably foolish to answer, but in this case Yes. @AlbertMohler is referring to sexual abuse. I stand by my first comment. 1 Cor 6 doesn’t apply. This isn’t a trivial or small matter to be handled between believers. Especially if a child is involved. [This is where she has given up. People who argue on an emotional level are quickly exhausted by logic. Also note the callout to @AlbertMohler. She is hoping a higher authority can affirm the opinion she cannot defend.]

JT: Sherry, you are allowing emotion to cloud your judgment. Just because a child is involved doesn’t automatically mean the man is guilty.

JT: 1 Cor 6 is a universal principle for all disputes between Christians. Each case must be examined with wisdom… without knee-jerk reactions

—

From what I can gather, there are three Christian goals to arguing:

To shame opponents of truth into silence (Tit 2:8)

To instruct a watching audience (Prov 19:25)

To give the opponent opportunity to repent (2 Tim 2:25)*

My recent Twitter exchange inspired me to come up with a simple argument formula that Christians could use that I think meets all the above criteria:

Decode the jargon – most opening statements from angry women and false teachers are nothing more than virtue signaling disguised with righteous sounding jargon. Decode the B.S. so that everyone can see the plain meaning.

Have you not read? – call attention to the Scripture passage that corrects the false assumption. Phrasing it as a question makes it irresistible to the ego. No one wants to be ignorant. The intensity of the rhetoric here depends on the type of person you’re dealing with (e.g. man vs. woman, teacher vs. layman, educated vs. naive, etc.)

Correct and dismiss the false argument – most of the time, you’ll be arguing with a gamma male or a woman. They won’t address your point and will almost without fail counter with a “so you’re saying…” line or something similar. Quickly correct and dismiss the false argument and immediately move to the next step.

Biblically, the idea of coveting is not merely any old desire. It’s an I would if I could mentality. If you see your neighbor’s cow and think, “If I knew I wouldn’t get caught, I’d totally steal his cow!” that’s coveting. If you see it and think, “Dang, that’s a great cow. I wish I had a cow like that. But I don’t … oh well.” That’s not coveting. That’s desire.

Desire is healthy. Coveting is not. It’s really that simple. If we were to stifle all of our desires and pretend we never wanted anything that anyone else has, we would totally lack all ambition in life and fail as a species. Paul saying things like, “Run in such a way to win the prize!” (1 Cor. 9:24) makes no sense if we’re not allowed to desire something we don’t yet have.

The author goes on to define a helpful rule-of-thumb for judging whether you’re lusting:

Is the object of your desire not your spouse?

If there were no earthly hindrances to gratifying yourself with the object of your desire, would you do it?

If the answer to both questions is yes, then it’s sinful lust. If the answer to either question is no, then it’s not sinful.

The only thing that holds someone with a covetous heart back from defrauding his neighbor is external pressures such as the force of law or social consequences. This is why Jesus bluntly called out the Pharisees in Matthew 5. Just because they weren’t breaking the law, they harbored a “would-if-I-could” attitude in their hearts.

While I can’t peer into the heart of other Christian men, I’d guess that the typical man is not guilty of biblical lust. Rather, he has allowed his conscience to be bound to false teachings which blaspheme God’s good creation (the male sexual instincts.)

Or, to paraphrase my old college professor, if you are worried whether you are lusting, the warning is not intended for you. If you immediately think you’re righteous and have nothing to worry about, take heed.

Other than my own blog and Sigma Frame, I don’t know of any other blogs that are trying to develop practical frameworks for married Christian men to use in light of red pill truths.

Dalrock and company have some good insights. But their specialty tends to be calling out feminism in the church rather than providing usable strategies for awakened men.

So the church is woefully lacking resources to help married men who have recognized and accepted the true nature of women.

But if we were to start a larger conversation, I think these questions would be a good place to start. (I’ve given my own opinions as a response.)

1. How can you reconcile the message of Christ with Red Pill Praxeology? What about Married Red Pill? Does the message of Paul and Peter change the picture?

The Red Pill is simply re-awakening us to biological truths that are suggested at the beginning of Genesis. Christ’s message was about a new kingdom, not a new biological imperative, so there is no conflict. But the marriage teachings of Peter and Paul do change the frame of red pill truths. Men are expected to take responsibility for their wives just as Christ takes responsibility for the church.

2. Why are Christians such bloop caricatures? How did we go from Warrior Knights of the Cross to this mess of de-testosteronized “men” in the church today?

My best understanding is that this is due to the cultural forces that contributed to the Nice Guy Syndrome. Men have been conditioned for several generations to seek approval from women and view traditional masculine qualities as “toxic.” This message is further reinforced in the church by the “sacrificial love” rhetoric. Nice Guys believe that if they do the right things and sacrifice more, they will get what they need. “Sacrificial love” is changed to mean doing what the wife wants… which only makes marriages worse. On top of that, most Christian men are pre-occupied with the so-called “battle of lust,” thus ensuring they will remain in perpetual state of feeling guilty over their sexual instincts and believing they are a “sinner” unfit for any significant duty in God’s kingdom.

3. Do you agree with Dalrock that feminism has invaded the churches and that more and more apostate Christians are replacing the worship of the Lord Jesus with Vagina worship?

Yes.

4. What Christian denominations have been able to hold back this feminist onslaught and why?

None that I’m aware of. Though my experience is limited to Pentecostal and Reformed denominations. Pentecostals seem to be more blatantly egalitarian. Reformed churches seem to give lip service to the abstract concepts of headship and submission. But they ignore the gritty details of the problems and fail to provide any workable advice to men dealing with the effects of feminism.

5. Can a Christian man use Dread Game with a disobedient wife?

Yes. Dread Game is about arousing a woman’s jealousy in order to reform her behavior. We learn in Romans 11 that God brought in the Gentiles in order to make the unrepentant Jews jealous. So provoking a disobedient wife to jealousy is (literally) a godly thing to do.

6. Who agrees with me that we can fix this for the next generation if we bring back the authority of a man over his family, including his wife, and children? Can we? Should we?

Agreed. First, we must attempt to do so through teaching and rhetoric. If that doesn’t work, we simply wait for our civilization to crumble so we can rebuild. Build your own household on the rock so that it does not crumble when the storm comes.