Things "I" Should Have Said Before "She" Walked Away

Updated on June 19, 2013

C-L-I-C-K. That has to be one of, if not “the” saddest, death-like sounds known to mortal man.

This “click,” if possible, is heard in slow-motion and why is a mystery of quantum physics. Even the “master,” Albert Einstein would scratch out his hair and beard if asked to tell why “this,” sound, is only heard in slow-motion, accenting each horrible syllable, as it enters the ear of the receiving boy who has just entered junior high.

Not profanities. Not vulgar, heart-stopping threats from, “Razor,” the school bully who never changes his Hanes underwear out of spite and rebellion toward society. You got it. C-L-I-C-K.

A few times in my blind, ignorant, and life without boundaries from the years 1967 through 1972, my high school years.

You’d think that if the theme and sum of these six years were an “experiment in excruciating pain,” I would have learned one thing, wouldn’t you?

Well, I didn’t. I went back time and time again. Never relenting. Always wanted more and more humiliation, self-degradation, and embarrassment and for what?

Who knows? Maybe I thought that somewhere in this “parade of perpetual pain,” that my patience and long-suffering would be rewarded.

Nope.

It only grew worse.

Until “that” one defining moment in my life came one cold Saturday morning in November when I was getting out of bed and preparing for yet another one of my mother’s masterpiece-breakfast feasts.

It hit me. “why am I hurting myself like this?” I thought.

"For no one and for nothing,” I answered myself as I pulled on my sweater and combed my hair.

Then I did something completely-out of candor or the great scheme of the universe. I began to chuckle. That soon turned into a soft laugh which I stifled before I sat down for breakfast with my parents for I knew for sure that there would be questions.

Parents are like that. No matter the situation, big or small, that hits their teen’s, here come the “third degree’s.”

Jack “Sergeant Friday” Webb couldn’t (and cannot) “hold any parents a light,” when it comes to interrogating their sons and daughters about matters of their lives.

You know that this is true.

Okay, without any more fanfare, the title of my hub is, “Things “I” Should Have Said Before She Walked Away,” and it’s one more tear-jerker, for those of you who are soft-tissue user’s.

You might also think that although most of my pieces deal with rational matters from a comical standpoint, so does this one do that? I don’t know the answer to that question.

I will leave the judgment up to you, my cherished-followers.

This could have been a photo of "me"

after one of my many "open mouth, insert foot," incidents I had talking to a pretty girl. | Source

Source

"Folks, I got to tell you. This hub by Kenneth Avery rivals any of my famous "Top Ten Lists," that I've done at NBC and now CBS over my career."

~ ~ David Letterman

This is what (some) girls do when they reject you

What a jerk! That Kenneth Avery asking "me" out for a date!" Giggle! | Source

"I didn't think people were as dumb as that Kenneth Avery wanting to talk to "me." | Source

"Time to party, girlfriends. I just crushed another loser!" | Source

"Some guys think that we like them, but in reality, we just lead them on." | Source

"I heard in study hall that you humiliated Kenneth Avery last night on the phone!" | Source

"That Kenneth Avery called me. I kicked him to the curb. Now for some shopping." | Source

"Kenneth Avery and guys like him, what dorks!" | Source

"Girls, I talked to a loser one time, but don't tell a soul." | Source

"Let's do our nails." "No, let's laugh at losers who think they can go out with us." | Source

"I wanna drive a while." "Okay, but first let me tell you how I cut down that Kenneth Avery in the hallway." | Source

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A GIRL REJECTED ME

My heart raced

My throat went dry

Sweat formed on my head

My nerves started acting-up

I couldn't talk

I sat motionless for hours

I wanted to run away from home

Pain shot through my heart

Now it's out. The proverbial "cat is out of the bag." And all of this time society only thought that when a girl rejected a guy for something he mistakenly-said, was harmless. Just a phase of growing into real-life.

How foolish can one society really be? I wish all who thought like this would have been in my shoes on those cold Winter evenings when I would get home from school, do my chores, then summon the courage to pick-up our phone and just call one of the girls that I had talked to that very day at school. Then things might be different.

Looking back, with pain still living in my soul, it looked very innocent. Even a stylish and prim lady of the Victorian Era would have approved of how nonthreatening me talking to a girl in the hallway at our high school.

I mean, it's not terrorism. Certainly not an over-throw of our government. Just one guy with normal hormones talking to a female with equal normal hormones. That's the "American Way," I was taught to believe.

Oh, how wrong I was in believing that ideology. Let me be clear. For most of my few male friends, "this" theory of talking to a girl being the "American Way," but for me, it was like walk through a graveyard on a Winter's night. Alone.

But something would always go horribly-wrong from the time I had talked to some "Susie," at school to the time I called her (or any like her) on the phone in that same evening."

In younger years I thought it must be magic. Or a work of some demonic-force designed by Satan. Both wrong. To this day, May 18, 2013, I have yet to uncover why so many girls hung-up the phone on me and never spoke to me again--simply because of something I "didn't" say.

True. I was punished for my lack of oral expertise when it came to talking to girls on the phone. I wish that times were like they are now, sensitive, and more understanding, because then I might have had a happier teenage time on God's earth.

Things I Said, Followed By What I Should Have Said

to those "Susie's," and her kind who were way too quick to jump to conclusions and dump me even before I had a chance to really get to know them.

"Barbara looked good in that dress yesterday"

is what I said.

"Man, you look smoking-hot in that dress. Much more hotter than that Barbara."