Friday, August 26, 2011

Back-To-School Jokes

It’s time for back-to-school jokes, don’t you think? Here are some to share with your family, friends and teachers.

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Dewey.

Dewey who?

Dewey have to go to school today?

Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?

She couldn’t control her pupils!

Teacher: Name two days of the week that start with "t".

Pupil: Today and Tomorrow.

What school supply is always tired?

A knapsack!

Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention?

Student: I'm paying as little attention as I can.

Teacher: James, where is your homework?

James: I ate it.

Teacher: Why?

James: You said it was a piece of cake!

Teacher: Why is your homework in your father’s handwriting?

Pupil: I used his pen!

Teacher: You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet.

Pupil: But these are the only feet I’ve got!

What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?

The first goes “Spit out that chewing gum immediately!” and the second goes “chew chew”!

Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do.

What was that?

My homework!

What is white when it’s dirty and black when its clean?

A blackboard!

Teacher: How many seconds in a minute?

Student: 60

Teacher: How many minutes in an hour?

Student: 60

Teacher: Good, now for a hard one, how many seconds in a year?

Student: 12

Teacher: 12?

Student: Yes, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd...

Mother: George, why does your geography exam have a big zero over it?

George: It is not a zero, mum. The teacher ran out of stars, so she gave me a moon instead!

It was the first day of school and the teacher asked all the troublemakers to stand up. Finally this girl stood up and the teacher asked, "Are you a troublemaker?"

The girl said, "No." The teacher asked why she was standing and the girl said, "You looked lonely."

A first grade teacher was telling her students the story of "Chicken Little." She got to the part when Chicken Little ran up to the Farmer saying, "The sky is falling. The sky is falling." Then the teacher paused and asked the kids what they thought the farmer said. One little girl raised her hand and the teacher called on her. The little girl then said, "I think the farmer said Holy cow, a talking chicken!"