Local mediators sue the City of Northfield

Two local mediators filed suit against the City of Northfield in Rice County late Wed. afternoon, claiming that they’ve been unfairly bypassed from consideration as potential mediators for the Northfield City Council.

Consultant Charles U. Farley and attorney Juan Morefore DeRhode contend that by placing them on a citizens panel to select a mediator from the Twin Cities, they’ve been eliminated from contention, thereby hurting their professional reputations and denying them an income-earning opportunity.

“It’s a lose-lose proposition for us,” said Farley. “We have to volunteer our time as citizens and can’t make a buck. For them to put us on this selection committee was a manipulative, deceitful tactic. What a bunch of losers. No wonder they need mediators.”

DeRhode cited the economic impact. “Once again, the city is ignoring the ‘buy local’ mantra of the Chamber and is purchasing the services of consultants from outside the area even though local expertise is available. I’ve repeatedly asked city councilors to pull strings with city staff so that I land a consulting contract occasionally but I’ve gotten nowhere with that approach. What’s it going to take, election year campaign donations?”

Farley and DeRhode were seen unfurling a protest banner on Bridge Square at about 3 pm. (Submitted photo. Click to enlarge.)

They have hired noted Twin Cities lawyer Pilar Knickersoff to represent them. No court date has been set.

This is an interesting twist. It seems there are two sides to this issue. If a local mediator is hired, then there is a place for accusation by somone who doesn’t like the outcome to charge familiarity on their part and not impartiality. Now that the council is looking outside the city limits to gaurantee impartiality, they are being accused of not using local talent. Is there any wonder they seem to be paralyzed to do anything?

I’m sorry the two mediators were not approached and allowed to make their own decision on this. On the other hand, Mr Farley said, “We have to volunteer our time as citizens and can’t make a buck.” Does this mean that he will only be a good citizen if he is paid to do so? Hmmmm. I certainly hope this is not what he meant.

I’m not sure that a mediator is going to be able to change the atmosphere around communication within the council. To need a mediator implies that there are concrete issues around which there are oposing opinions and no one will budge. I still don’t think there has been any concrete issues defined that can be mediated. There seems to just be speculation about possible issues and people’s opinions about them. Maybe I’m missing something here in all the falderall, and if so, anyone who can enlighten me is welcome.

After the City turned down the mediators’ offer to mediate their initial lawsuit out of court, both mediators have now sued the City to force the City to hire the mediators to mediate a settlement to the initial lawsuit.

Immediately after filing this second lawsuit, both mediators offered their services to the City to mediate a resolution to it.

A spokesperson for the mediators commented that failure to take the mediators up on their offer to mediate the second lawsuit could result in additional legal action. Should that occur, both mediators stated that they would be quick to offer their advance conflict resolution skills to the City.

“Someone with the appropriate skill set really has to step in and resolve all these lawsuits for the City,” said Mr. Farley.

Mr. DeRhode remarked that he “didn’t know how long this legal madness will continue, but surely I am very qualified to mediate an effective solution to these lawsuits between the City and myself.”

He later added that he certainly understood “the issues and luxury car payments involved better than anybody, even better than Mr. Farley, who understands the issues, but sees the solution in more of a ‘vacation-home mortgage’ framework.”

Wow, I feel pretty dumb for not immediately picking up on the fact that this post was Griff’s faux news. To be fair, though, such a suit would not be surprising given the current local political climate.

If by “smoking” you mean putting dried organic materials and chemical additives in my mouth, setting them afire and inhaling the resulting fumes, then I would have to say, I seem to be smoking cigarettes…

But wait, these are not cigarettes, no… no… they are… they… are… wondersticks of pure love.

Bastards told me they were cigarettes. That’s the last time I buy “cigarettes” from ninth grade neo-hippies.

You no likey my extrapolations on your story? Never dangle semi-absurdist leads in front of me and then act surprised when I take the bait like a poodle-flavored basketball smoking wondersticks of pure love.

(Note: That was more-purely absurdist, as opposed to absurdist-light satire.)

Is anyone writing a book about our dear little town of Northfield? I agree, Britt; even if it was “factual” no one would believe it was real. It is sort of like a sweet old grandmother that spurts #!!#!!!! but not as funny.

Mr. Farley and Mr. DeRhode have contacted me regarding the arrangement of a mediation session between you and Ms. Guidry. I’d advise you to take them up on the “offer,” as they have threatened legal action against anyone refusing their affirming, common-ground approach toward everyday conflict.

Yes. “Ta” and “Ta” again to you, Ms. Guidry. Not sure what that means, exactly; so I can only assume you found my comment so mirth-inducing as to reduce you to purely infantile expressions of sensory delight.

Kiffi,
You know, if you really want me to write a play, let’s talk about a commission: I’m sure you could convince my entourage to convince my agent to convince my wife to convince my dog to convince me to write a play about Northfield’s current municipal malaissez-faire for a mere $10,000.

How about it? I’ll even dedicate it to the cottonwood tree of your choosing.

(Yes; I was also very sad to see them go. I have a hard time even walking downtown right now because of what I’m guessing is “Phantom-Tree” pain.)

Thank you. You make me laugh too. I’m not sure at what, since you never tell me jokes any more like you used to when I held you captive in my basement for six weeks a couple years back. Remember that? Ahhh… good times, good times.

PS: On that note, tell Norm he should put several more tasteful nudes on the walls at the Cow. I’m not talking about portraits or pictures; I’m talking actual live nudes. Try duct tape. If that doesn’t hold them, there’s always Super Glue.

Kiffi,

Thank you for clarifying that it isn’t always about the fortune. Sometimes a man has to remember to pull back and trust in the simpler aspects in life, like wholesome fame.

Lisa, my post and comments were intended to be in good humor, without sarcasm or insults. Your ‘ta ta’ response to Brendon was a signal to me that you were okay with the friendly banter, that your previous statement objecting to my humor in the initial blog post was no longer an issue. When Ross made his comment about me being away, my response about you and Brendon being in charge was, again not sarcasm or an insult but a good natured poke at you both.

Now THIS is what I need to contemplate re-entry into Minnesota (car packed, the 200 pounds of dogs should probably be sedated…), particularly where Northfield does indeed seem so nuts. Thanks for a delightful reality check!
Brendon – for inspiration, you might want to dig through the dusties and review Thrane’s operetta, in Norwegian, about BJ and Online Muus’ divorce — something along this Norwegian tone, though in English, would be just right for the City’s antics.