Panel Round Two

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with P. J. O'Rourke, Kyrie O'Connor, and Adam Felber. And, here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, and filling in for Peter Sagal, Tom Bodett.

(APPLAUSE)

TOM BODETT, HOST:

Thank you, Carl. In just a minute, Carl leaves the rhyme on for you at Motel Limericks in our listener limerick challenge. Let me do that again, I don't think you heard it.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you, so pay attention.

Kyrie, the New York auto show opened this week, and with it, we saw the very latest in automotive technology. This year the huge leap into the future was provided by Honda, which announced that it will sell a minivan with its own onboard, what?

KYRIE O'CONNOR: It's a minivan with its own onboard. They don't give you a baby.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: I mean that would be wrong.

BODETT: It would be.

O'CONNOR: I think I might need a hint.

BODETT: OK. Let's just say this van will suck.

O'CONNOR: Vacuum cleaner.

BODETT: Uh-huh, vacuum cleaner.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'CONNOR: Oh.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: The 2014 Honda Odyssey will feature a built-in central vacuum system. Say goodbye to that mash of fries and goldfish crackers in the back. Now you can suck those beauties up as soon as they hit the carpet. And if you thought the kids could have fun fighting over the armrests, wait until you hand them a suction hose.

(LAUGHTER)

O'CONNOR: Oh, yeah. Wow.

P. J. O'ROURKE: It's why I have a pickup truck. Just put the kids in the back and then you can hose it out.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Have your kids ever dropped anything in the car that you could just vacuum up?

O'CONNOR: Right, exactly.

BODETT: No, it's true.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: It's always Swedish fish, worked into the rug.

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BODETT: The stuff that gets jammed behind the car seat.

O'ROURKE: Oh, man.

BODETT: It puts off heat after a while.

O'ROURKE: It composts.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Hey, a composter. Now there's something to put in a car.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: No, that's in the Prius.

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(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: P. J., having conquered computers and battled malaria around the world, Microsoft founder Bill Gates is on to his next mission. He's putting up $100,000 to whomever can create a better what?

O'ROURKE: Create a better - you know what I would like, and I'd kick in a little bit myself is Microsoft Word.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Let's just say it's time to trade in Trojan XP for Trojan Vista.

O'ROURKE: A better condom.

BODETT: That's it.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: $100,000 for a better condom.

BODETT: Bill Gates is offering a $100,000 prize for someone to create the "Next Generation Condom."

O'ROURKE: That's a terrible idea.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM FELBER: I'm going to wait until Apple comes out with one.

(LAUGHTER)

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BODETT: I mean, it's true.

O'CONNOR: Yes.

BODETT: I mean I don't know if...

O'CONNOR: It'll be more intuitive.

BODETT: I mean it is a little questionable that Bill Gates is the one to take this on. I mean, there's two words you don't want associated with a condom, it's micro and soft.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Yeah, exactly.

O'ROURKE: Or Bill Gates for that matter.

FELBER: He's not the first name you think of when you think of virus protection either.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: P. J., a British education expert told the BBC this week that today's children are missing something from their lives. What don't they have enough of?

O'ROURKE: Gosh, yeah. I know it's not me. I've been home several times recently and the kids have told me that was more than enough.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: I am going to need a hint on that.

BODETT: OK, here it is. Who needs Grand Theft Auto 5 when there's all this paint we could watch dry?

O'ROURKE: They don't have enough tedium in their life.

BODETT: That's...

O'ROURKE: Boredom in their life.

BODETT: That's about right, boredom, exactly.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'ROURKE: Well, we take ours to church.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: That sets the little wiggle worm off in them, I'll tell you.

BODETT: Today's kids, you know, they're so overscheduled with soccer practice, French lessons, video games, all those crazy new drugs to try.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That there's no idle time. And experts say when you're bored that that's when you develop your imagination. So parents who want their kids to be creative should try and bore them. So like instead of taking them to soccer practice, they should make them watch soccer.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: No parent is that cruel.

FELBER: Take that most popular sport in the world.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: I mean, is it possible that it's boredom that led to all the great discoveries and works of art?

O'ROURKE: Like America. Yeah, Columbus was bored.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: I was just bored. I didn't know what to do with myself.

BODETT: You know, Dickens, he was like, oh, man, these are like the worst of times.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: But yet, in another way they're the best of times.

BODETT: And all the great painters were bored.

O'ROURKE: They were bored.

BODETT: I mean, how bored do you have to be to saw your own ear off, you know.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: That's bored. This is another one of those self-serving British studies though, isn't it?

O'ROURKE: Because they're boring, they think...

FELBER: It's like, yeah, we're a bunch of British scientists.

O'ROURKE: We're boring.

FELBER: We're dreadfully boring. How do we prove that this is good for our children?