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Jilly Gagnon
Staff

@jillygagnon

jillygagnon@gmail.com

Jilly's career in advice probably began with the long, heartfelt conversations she has with her cats (unless that's a sign of something else). Her writing has appeared in Newsweek, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Vanity Fair, The Toast, and The Huffington Post, among others. She's much, much better at giving advice than taking it.

Stories by Jilly Gagnon

In college, I did a lot of theater. It was something I always enjoyed, but I never planned to pursue acting professionally; it just seemed like too uncertain and difficult a life for me. After graduating, I got a job working for a small theater, and I’ve worked my way up to a pretty good position at a larger one. One of my friends went the actor route, and after years of waiting tables, he just recently landed a pretty major part on a TV show. I’m trying to be happy for him, but I’m incredibly jealous. How do I get over that? I’m not even trying to act!

My sister’s always been a fad eater. Lately she’s decided she’s Paleo…except she’s really bad at it. She eats all kinds of things that aren’t really caveman food (like cheese) and she still drinks wine. I find it really annoying, because she gets all high and mighty about these fad things then doesn’t even stick to them. Should I call her out on it? Every time she brings it up I get so annoyed.

My friend’s baby is ugly. Like, burn the baby photos, avert your eyes ugly. Obviously I haven’t told her this, but the other day she said something that sort of implied she knew it. Like she was fishing for me to admit she had an ugly baby. I skirted around it (awkwardly), but what do I do if she presses, or asks outright? I’m a terrible liar.

I love my mom, but she’s incredibly needy. She still lives in the town I grew up in, in Connecticut, and I live a few hundred miles away, but sometimes she calls me multiple times a day. If I don’t pick up a couple times in a row, she lays a guilt trip on me. We were talking the other day, and she said she was thinking about moving closer to me. Honestly, the only thing that keeps our relationship intact is the sanity that those few hundred miles of distance gives me. What do I tell her? I’m not sure how serious she is about this “plan,” but even the thought of it is giving me heart palpitations.

My boyfriend and I have a disagreement that you can hopefully help settle. Our friends invited a good friend of ours to their wedding, as well as her ex-boyfriend. The ex got a plus-one, but our friend didn’t. She just found this out, and she’s pissed about it; she’s considering ditching last-minute. My boyfriend says he gets her side of it. I say she’s being a brat. Her ex was the one this couple was always closest to, anyway. Who’s right?

My long-term boyfriend and I just split up, which is not only emotionally difficult, it’s a logistical nightmare (we’ve lived together for three years). I’m fine with abandoning a few records that should really be mine, or eating the cost of a couch we bought together, but there’s one item we can’t agree on that I really want: the cat. We got Rumpkin together, but you can’t “split” an animal. He says he should have him because the adoption was his idea. I think he should be mine because I’m home more often. How do we decide?

I’m in my mid-twenties, and I’ve been working as a substitute teacher for the last couple years (I joined Teach for America right out of college). I know some of the girls in classes I teach have crushes on me — high schoolers aren’t very subtle — but I brush it off, because I’m not an idiot. Last week, however, I got a disturbing email from a girl in the English class I subbed for. Pictures were attached. You get the gist. What do I do about this situation? I obviously haven’t responded, but I’m afraid she might go Lifetime-movie on me.More

My friend has a dog, and she’s always been kind of half-assed about caring for it. I’ll see her out at a party or a barbeque all day long, so I know the dog is home alone, and sometimes she goes out right after she finishes a shift (she’s a waitress, so that might be pretty late), without even going home to feed the dog or let it out. The other day, though, I went over to her house and realized things have crossed a line. There were piles of dog feces in a couple of corners, and the entryway rug was soaked in urine when we walked in. She laughed it off and called the dog naughty, then cleaned up the poop and basically ignored it. I’m worried about the puppy, and about my friend; what kind of person does that to an animal? Should I call animal control on her?More

My parents agreed to help my sister and I with college. I went to a state school and saved them a bunch of money. My sister went to a private liberal arts school that cost three times as much. Now she’s dropping out, and she’s convinced my parents to give her the equivalent of her last year of tuition as a “nest egg,” since they “would have spent that money on her anyway.” I think that’s completely unfair, and I resent my sister for manipulating my parents and them for giving in. How can I get over those feelings? I always play by the rules, and I feel like I’m being punished for it.

-THE GOOD SON

There’s a reason parents love falling back on that phrase, “You think this isn’t fair? Well life isn’t fair.” It’s because they’re right.

If you want to tally up what your parents have done for you versus your sister in dollars and cents, you’re right, they’re being “unfair” to you. But the other side of this coin is that you’re clearly more capable of navigating the world on your own than your sister is.

Just look at the facts: You chose college responsibly, while she went somewhere expensive though she clearly didn’t value that. You finished your education and are moving on to the next phase of life, she’s dropping out. You clearly have your shit together in ways she doesn’t yet, but also in ways she may never achieve.

In a cosmic way, your sister might be the one who got the short end of the stick; maybe because of her wiring, or maybe because your parents indulged her, she’s not nearly as capable and successful as you are.

If anything, that’s not something you should resent her for, it’s something you should feel lucky about.

Try seeing this problem not in the light of money, but in the light of your parents loving their children no matter what. Your sister needs help right now, and they’re in a position to provide it. They’re choosing to do so because they don’t want her to wind up in a bad place.

You don’t need their help right now, and I’d wager anything they’re extremely proud of you for that.

If you really can’t get over the money, why not go to your parents with a “responsible child” proposal: Ask if you can use a similar “gifted” sum towards a down payment (now or in the future) or further education. If they say no, tell them how you feel: You’d like to be rewarded for your good choices, and instead it feels like your sister is being rewarded for bad ones.

Or, better yet, stop focusing on the dollar amounts your parents can give you, and try to pay closer attention to the sort of support that really matters, the kind that made you the “good son” in the first place.

My ex posted a video of us (that he promised me at the time he deleted right after we took it) to a revenge porn site. I only found out because one of his friends told me about it; luckily I was able to get the site to take it down.More