Theo Verelst Diary Page

Mon Oct 22 2001, 12:10 PM

I've decided after good example to write some diary pages with toughts
and events.

Oh, in case anybody fails to understand, I'd like to remind them that
these pages are copyrighted, and that everything found here may not be redistributed
in any other way then over this direct link without my prior consent. That
includes family, christianity, and other cheats. The simple reason is that
it may well be that some people have been ill informed because they've
spread illegal 'copies' of my materials even with modifications. Apart
from my moral judgement, that is illegal, and will be treated as such by
me. Make as many references to these pages as you like, make hardcopies,
but only of the whole page, including the html-references, and without changing
a iota or tittel...

And if not? I won't hesitate to use legal means to correct wrong that
may be done otherwise. And I am serious. I usually am. I'm not sure I could
get 'attempt to grave emotional assault' out of it, but infrigement on copyright
rules is serious enough. And Jesus called upon us to respect the authorities
of state, so christians would of course never do such a thing. Lying, imagine
that.

Last weeks page

First a page I didn't put on yet I made some time ago already, Then one I
did last weekend, and I'll start adding a quite worth while Jimi Hendrix
quote, in text form (I actually typed the thing in from a book hang on if
you wanna go right now).

Mon 2 Oct 2001, 12:06 PM

As a recent comment, I found out last week that netradio put a sign on
their site that they've after 6 years or so not longer found it in themselves
to broadcast music over their server, unfortunately. I didn't know that when
I wrote this.

I want my netradio

I was on the web but for days I've not been able to get netradio to connect
up, donno why. Not that it is an essential of life, but good enough music
is, and usually browsing over a few of my favorite channels does the job of
finding some of that comfortably enough , but it seems not even their website
is reasable over the tiscali provider link I tried recently. Nothing horrible,
it just makes clear how simple enough ideas (click on the browser or player)
can easily be found to be recognised for their relative importance. Unless
maybe I'd have a truckload of CDs lying around myself.

'op de wijze van' lets see, what is that in english, I'll use the relative
luxury of looking it up on the web, its from the heading of various psalms,
in conjunction with for the leader of the musicians (choir it sais in dutch).

Anyhow, there is a need for christian expressive songs which are after the
way of 'fuck you, I will NOT do as you tell me', which is not to invoke
rebellion, which I think rarely can make it to the point of such a heartfelt
expression, but against, the whore in spirit, the beast, its followers, liars
who agree with the evil in the evil spiritual and worldly systems, and all
that wants people to give up the authority over the lives, the will to love
good and dislike at least what is evil and convince them that the baal or
God knows what other demonically inspired diety or its equivalent needs more
sacrifice of kinds that only call for such strong responses; FUCK that, I
will NOT live the way that all would tell me and want me to acknowledge as
if it was Gods holy will if it would have the chance.

That is not dreaming of californication in a nice enough way, that stuff
is evil, and it shouldn't get across the threshold of normal and established
human behaviour. Listening to radioparadise.com after a sort of local pointer
by, as she invented the name I think, 'camgirl', I though about the mildly
babylonic though heavily danming idea that heaven is a place where nothing
ever happens (not as in 'you won't go to the ball' as I covered years ago)

Cold hard programming?

I've downloaded, amoung other things, java 1.3 (or 4? the latest experimental
one, including the swing stuff), and put it on a reasonably old windows 95
machine and also on a reasonable windows 2000 (server) one, which works enough
as far as I tested, the example run and the compiler seems to work.

A heavier test is that I've added the j2ee suite, of which that various
servers indeed run as well and the database application in it, based on sql
and a form of jsp can be made to run fine enough, which puts the machine
with it on it in at least the forefield of softwareland in such area, which
is fun enough.

Obviously, I still think the same about the sort of unlogicalness of compiling
programs into an interpreted (virtual) code, and the OO paradigm is only as
good as it goes. A solid unix process with optimized memory usage, low overhead
task switcher, well running process pool and good memory management and programming
habits, THAT is some object. Add a good virtual or other memory management
system, and it might even run
forever, though adding all existing multi media libs may give it a pretty
big library need also. Along with a watertight low level multi user infrastructure
(ask any mini of decades ago, even the ones under a megabyte), that could
be solved with a well interfaced possibly dynamically linked, shared library,
which is indeed rentrant so it can be shared by having only a copy of the
actual functions needed once. What am I gonna say, bill went to harvard when
I was a kid, and they've even got a processor architecture named after their
uni.

Computers can be more than enough perfectly safe, I'm sure, the systems
made around, by or with their programming can probably at best end up human
enough. engineering perfectly uncrackable computers, apart form obvious password
trouble is doable enough, I'd say, but not when one doesn't well-engineer
the whole thing, that's in the direction of trying to prove darwin was essentially
right and logical circuits grow from trees by nature, and every now and then
a million transistors just happen to take on the connection pattern of a pentium
look alike by mere chance when you mess about a bit with electronic design
packages...

The windows 2000 media server seems at least some fun enough, i could record
my own playing on the vintage equipment software simulators I got demo versions
from, encode that signal in decent enough mpeg sound file, and even real time
minus delay tap the same signal from a clientwise connected windows media
player running on the same node, which makes for a very complicated delay
scheme. At least it should make life broadcast near possible enough. The
quality is a la mpeg, which at least is practically usefull,

Is heaven paradise? Some boston internet repeated or targetted station made
me think about their lets say progressiveness in the sense that music seems
to be free yet often so boring, undemanding or truly filled or making a point
good enough to actually listen that the idea that some rock and other influences
are fine and good enough when not ill intended is wrong, singing songs about
life must make the listener at least aware that mother f* ing and sort of
waivering along and not acknowledging the truth that rock realy was about
something profound, clear and hopefully worth it is realy wrong. Not as in
lets go down there and kill hitler, or death to child abusers and sacrificers,
but as in what would happen if we'd rewrite history and pretend 60's music
and all didn't 'realy' happen, vietnam was just a bad dream, and pearl harbor
did not end with nagasagi. The latter statement of course pushing things a
bit.

fuck them i will NOT DO AS THEY TELL ME is a STATEMENT, lets see, a strong
statement, that should not be met with yeah yeah little boy we know, now
you've said your thing, or some provincial statement like I think I once read
sarcasically in my former university local paper 'isn't it wonderfull that
he stayed so normal and a nice boy'. No mummy, it is not, it messes up your
life just the same way to become pathetic at least when you decide on wanting
to make it that unreal or miserable. There is no way out of that problem
in your way, when live is betrayed to begin with, it will never work as right
as it should. never. I'm sure. Which means that the tree so many seem to
have grown accustomed to by its fruits unmistakably and irrevocably I think
shows what it can be recognized to be, without a chance for those who willingly
have lived in a lie or delusion or even a great treasurous evil to claim
that robbery and sneakishness and a mouth of talk about storming the heavans
and being almost like the real son of god

The expression to me comes form I think TC or movie stuff where some no-one-should-try-to
mess-with-me-any-furter probably not all to arian person makes clear to a
clearly not over his (or maybe her) head person that he or she is actually
NOT intended to go along with some suggestion and means it to the point of
lets say arms or even serious injury if such without such clear statement
could succome to. Probably police series or movies were the reason for such
images in my memory. It seems some people who are taken for quite something,
and who seem to think themselves quite developed have not even the capacity
to understand the forcing logic of such situations. Maybe they are bred in
babylon enough to be able to be stupid enough to indeed think it great when
their heart is ripped out and they can laugh about it, in sort of a horrible
sacrifical sense that could only exist with some stupid and deluded enough
to think that such demonically inspired attitude is in fact a lot more elevated
than the equivalent unilluminated african medicineman's deamon enchanting
or counter bewitching of before even the middle ages.

Hello, knock knock, message coming trough. It might be that when people
continuously remind eachother that those dark circuits of course always rule
in the end and can evidently never be even challenged let alone defeated,
so evil and miserable mariages with them or others must exist, lives under
the authorithy of the thing the nazis seem to have only given some place
in their imagination and certainly not in the whole of lives can never be
tought the constitutional freedom concept also explicitly part of the dutch
constitution

So how am I going to explain my interpretation of for instance 'remedy'
(black crowes, 95 or so) with aforementioned kinds of 'people' and systems
and spirits even being given the benefit of security about their practical
ruling without even much space for challenge by people too numb, deluded,
sick or undeserving of such mercy ?

I saw a movie with reagan in it some time ago, in spite of some interesting
women roles and maybe a good enough production, that sucked, probably it should,
I don't think i want to have any trust with that... I'm sure that jefferson
and lincoln were against all the kinds of evil that were in the world than,
too, and that at least in modern comparison they won more than enough to
at least be taken serious against the various kinds of hidden and sometimes
blatantly not so hidden evils in this world, which I think is good. And that
i live in a country where lets say formally I should be free and fine enough
according to its official consitution, which fortunately would still have
to be changed to let nazis officially rule in any way at all here, even though
I'm sure there are kinds that would still welcome them the same way as happend
only half a century ago, and betray anything worthwile to arrive at some
unholy senseless braindead sacrifice they themselves can't even understand.

Yesterday I in fact had a good enough weekend, I did some browsing, working
and entertaining, spoke with some people and even played some (open stage)
jazz and funk-like music, which is nice to do. Why is it that there is so
little cognitive resonance as I remember for isntance from my highschool with
for instance 'satisfaction', 'another brick in the wall'.

I used to think nirvana was actually close to the lowest possibilities of
still making a name for a band with usefull meaning, as in the last deal that
would still be acceptable to be a sort of rock or pop band with some self
esteem about being rooted in at least the idea that the world can be changed.
From my general knowledge nirvane means 'a place where
pearl jam must also refer to a brand of cymbal, which means something like
'I'll focus on this nice noisy ride or crash or

Listening to (looking it up in the other, older 'live connected' screen)
bill goldsmith from the same paradise radio I am reminded of the beatle's
(is that comma s, s comma, s comma s, or s comma ?) eastern escapade, where
there must have been stuff enough to beatle in or with, which of course is
a total mistake as looking for a solution for the worlds problems.

How would one understand what 'i was made for loving you' in close to hardrock
language actually means when neither the statements value nor the possible
meaning of such music is clear. That would be debasing and horrible sacrifice
of masses which is prevented by the music being clear and appealing enough,
though I'm convinved that many 'modern' house guys can't even listen to a
serious or even moderate blues song without instantaneous and serious emotional
overload of their brain circuits. Not that that is illegal, and I'm sure knowing
what the world is about is seriously miserable, but not all is evil and miserable,
so why focus only on badness when development is at stake. That mother whore
in spirit or horribly physical sense I'm sure doesn't top off or get part
in a rolling stones concert, and probably neither does the nazi 'thing',
'gestalt' or whatever stupid other idol made by mans insipid and intelligence
insulting (and not much more) imagination. 'Realy there is something actually
working in my spirit, and we're all gonna rule the world by it'. Sure, sucker.

'Name'. As in officicer having pulled you off the road, got themselves next
to your side window, and making only the necessary bow to be seen and heared
before the offical licence check and all needed or found appropriate by the
party obviously in authority is going to be brought forward. A slightly condescending
just to make sure tone and short language, to make sure its clear this is
work and there is going to be no messing, and I don't feel in the mood or
situation to be explicitly nice or anything else than the just needed.

'asjkld ea t and also ,sd fop f '.

'Name', forcefull a bit this time. little pause and more crap as
answer.

Snappy, decidaded and just a little manly enough for the last time: '
Name ' ...

'antichrist'

Oh no, not another. How many deamons are there, and how many have crawled
out of that pit they can be sent to of the boringly common kind? Which in
fact they soon all are, their intelligence and thinking levels are quite limited
I'm positive.

But the 'thing' can actually speak! So can my computer, and that doesn't
elevate me much necessarily either, though the latest builtin windows reader
is certainly lame enough to be at least good for a little entertainment, and
the thing that nazi's, satanists, lying christian lookalikes including catholics
by choice pray to and want salvation from is not funny, and certainly not
interesting. In any way at all. Dead boring, and the fruits of it are dead
obvious as usually in any occult or adulterous spirit world, where the power
of everything except the holy spirit and the truly made alive spirits of
man who are in the authority that goes with the right application of the word
of God is completely not empowered to even see thew kingdom of God
who is God and almighty and not some power sucher without a body just as
greedy for a name, a position, a life and ackowledgement of a lie which makes
them like a god as any miserable sucker of a human being who projects everything
such that their making it to some top is the best thing that could ever happen
to the world and anyone who wants to know it. Not that they create or created
much, but I guess they are appealed by the idea of sitting themselves in
some temple and being called god at least once in their life..

The latest new york review of books has an article, which unfortunatly is
not present on their web verion, with some

About that david and his influence

The son of God, that almost rediculous concept, in pathetically perverted
form present also in babylonic thinking thousands of years ago, most probably
to not have to subdue to the actual Gods promise, was promised as physical
descendant of the old testament jewish king of the physical and historic israel:
David. Not having been without condemnation he can still at least be taken
for a person who for major times and portions of his life led a life in accordance
with wath Jaweh had given, and a remarkable person in various essential ways.
As a sideremark, God seems to have found it right or acceptable that His
son be born from wedlock, his major famous beginning of ancestry in kingly
sense be a woman david seems to have wanted by seeing her bath and taking
her away from another person probably empregnating her without marriage,
though I'm not sure, and as it follows clear enough from all translations
I'm aware of having more than a few women besides her at the time too, as
it seems with not just Gods' consent but even in His will.

David was some time before Plato and other famous greek writers, and I'm
sure inspiration streams of such kinds are at stake in historic sense, here.

Psa 58:2
Yea, in heart ye work wickedness; ye weigh the violence of your hands in
the earth.

Psa 58:3
The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they
be born, speaking lies.

Psa 58:4
Their poison [is] like the poison of a serpent: [they are] like the deaf
adder [that] stoppeth her ear;

Psa 58:5
Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely.

Psa 58:6
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth: break out the great teeth of
the young lions, O LORD.

Psa 58:7
Let them melt away as waters [which] run continually: [when] he bendeth
[his bow to shoot] his arrows, let them be as cut in pieces.

Psa 58:8
As a snail [which] melteth, let [every one of them] pass away: [like]
the untimely birth of a woman, [that] they may not see the sun.

Psa 58:9
Before your pots can feel the thorns, he shall take them away as with a
whirlwind, both living, and in [his] wrath.

Psa 58:10
The righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: he shall wash
his feet in the blood of the wicked.

Psa 58:11
So that a man shall say, Verily [there is] a reward for the righteous:
verily he is a God that judgeth in the earth.

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity, there is nothing new under the sun:

Psa 10:1 Why standest thou afar off, O LORD? [why] hidest thou [thyself]
in times of trouble? The wicked in [his] pride doth persecute the poor:
let them be taken in the devices that they have imagined. For the wicked
boasteth of his heart's desire, and blesseth the covetous, [whom] the LORD
abhorreth. The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek
[after God]: God [is] not in all his thoughts. His ways are always grievous;
thy judgments [are] far above out of his sight: [as for] all his enemies,
he puffeth at them. He hath said in his heart, I shall not be moved: for
[I shall] never [be] in adversity. His mouth is full of cursing and deceit
and fraud: under his tongue [is] mischief and vanity. He sitteth in the
lurking places of the villages: in the secret places doth he murder the innocent:
his eyes are privily set against the poor. He lieth in wait secretly as
a lion in his den: he lieth in wait to catch the poor: he doth catch the
poor, when he draweth him into his net. He croucheth, [and] humbleth himself,
that the poor may fall by his strong ones. He hath said in his heart, God
hath forgotten: he hideth his face; he will never see [it]. Arise, O LORD;
O God, lift up thine hand: forget not the humble. Wherefore doth the wicked
contemn God? he hath said in his heart, Thou wilt not require [it]. Thou
hast seen [it]; for thou beholdest mischief and spite, to requite [it] with
thy hand: the poor committeth himself unto thee; thou art the helper of
the fatherless. Break thou the arm of the wicked and the evil [man]: seek
out his wickedness [till] thou find none. The LORD [is] King for ever and
ever: the heathen are perished out of his land. LORD, thou hast heard the
desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine
ear to hear: To judge the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of
the earth may no more oppress.

Aren't the images in revelation representative for Gods way of dealing with
the incredible kinds of evil fallen man seems to want to come up with, where
every normal or humanly logical way is made into something strange, illogical,
stupid or even laughable, and with such rigor and to utter consequence such
that every outside viewer most conclude someone made things mess up and mixed
together that way for the utter and unbendable purpose of showing the stupidity
, insipidness, utter condemnedness and uselessness of sin, and its utter judgement
by the same one that lets it be that way, unto death?

I'n not certain, but thinking about abusive families, maffia structures,
fake religeous leaders, the spiritual as originating probably from the time
of the fall of satan (I read there is new book from rushdy, and this long
after the condemnation of the islamic religeous roots, the subject seems to
have not changed), who seems to want to forget creations order of beings cannot
be undone even by a succesfull coup, whores, slaves, pimps and abusiveness,
exploitation of subordinates, honour and rediculous idols and their rites,
it seems that nothing much makes sense the way it is and the way revelation
makes it clear, except that God takes his damnation and plans clear.

Sun 21 Oct 2001, 13:34 PM

Some time has passed since the last diary page, not because I haven't been
working or in some direct peril, it just didn't feel right or I didn't sit
down to take time for that, though it may be of relevance. I know I've been
at times reading some which I found relevant, though my motivation is that
at least there is a way for some I may not even be near to when they want
find out what I think in an orderly enough, though not thesis form.

I've been quite computeractive, which isn't bad, normally, and at least
my experience list has gained significant fashionable experience items, though
my home page curriculum didn't get updated with them yet. Seriously, so
this guy can built computer circuits that work, be at least amoung world
top theoretical physisists, and he must prove he can operate photoshop or
lets say some package I don't indeed also know, too, to make sure the advertisers
of the world cannot reject him to make a small ton of money in computers?
This world is crazy, not me...

Windows 2000

Taking a 350 or so pentium standard client machine from my (currently)
volonteer job, I created another partition on its about 6G disc, grabbed
a 2000 server CD from below, an official one, with key that is, and started
installing, some weeks I think ago, which in fact didn't go bad, installationwise.
Contrary to when a few years ago I installed red hat, the installer has
possibilities to to some extend flexibly deal with partitions, though I'm
not sure it can split then, so I made another partition beside the windows
95 client installation which I left intact, which I put most 2000 stuff on,
and then another, which I only recently formatted for additional data.

As I said, the install went fine enough, and the machine runs ok enough
to indeed take as server machine, in the beginning doubling as client machine,
with automatic startup menu in now set to autostart 2000 after a few seconds.
Restarting 2000 server isn't funny, that takes nearly halfway forever, but
then again, thus far it needed only a handfull of real reboots, I think,
due to real error, and some more for half or suspected errors, and of course
for installs and simply not to let the machine eat power overnight for no
reason.

I yesterday read about a linux based multiprocessor system whichi supposedly
had their nodes running for many months, doing all kinds of parallel computations,
without ever having rebooted... I don't think I'd try that with microsoft
inside, but then again, as a server it can operate. As an advanced example,
last week I had a media encoder serve one or two client with real time encoded
audio streams, feeding it with a realplayer source, proxied by the windows
95 machine, connected to the web over ISDN, and it worked for hours, no
problem, which is on a 95 machine can easily be, there the encoder and decoder
crash more then infrequently for no better reasons than me not minding the
windows builtup and refresh cpu cycle assignment combined with my operation
patterns.

This 2000 does routing and internet serving and database (still need
to put on sql server), which are the next targets, I got its two network
interfaces to work fine enough now, but routing another machine on the second
network to the proxy server didn't immedeately succeed as simple as lets
say changing file access permissions on a directory (isn't ntfs the same
or similar as unix had like, 15 years ago?)

Windows itself is throughseeable enough, though for me, which is not
at all to say it is transparent, it isn't, though having all processes on
a row and all server components reasonably configurable over windows in interation
time, regularly even, is not badness.

Tcl again?

Why not, getting boring? I put a random recent version on windows 2000,
I'll bet I could even remote execute it over a file system of choice, for
instance over the windows client to an older 95 modest disc system with all
the internet goodies on it (thus far), which is even more fun over the cywin
bash shell.

As usual, it installed also on 2000 straight away and easily, and it
runs my applications also straight away, for instance bwise, but also pcom,
the file exchange and chat tcl/tk program downloadable on my pages, runs
straight away, even by double clicking it to start up. Making a connection
to another party also with pcom worked easy enough once the network worked,
lets say when it pings pcom also works, which is even handy at times, and
certainly proof the way of working can be fruitfull.

The tcl webserver I've tried in various varieties, straight from its
distribution, which does take some library householding, it works fine on
2000, it serves well, fast enough too. I put the hebrew and greek typing
windows extension on, and presto: real time internet serving of greek and
hebrew texts.

Also, I downloaded a trial version of infocetera, which works quite well
in fact, for setting up a hosting site, it may be a good choice, though its
server engine requires and extension to tcl, and it is commercial after 30
days.

A small network

It took some effort, but I'm at least starting to get acquinted enough
with the combination of windows software and some of the obligatory network
interfacing for serious work. Where I am, there is an intranet of moderate
size, without internet, basically, where I too connect with and shouldn't
mess, though must test, with. And there is the almighty link with the rest
of the outside world, the internet, in this case over isdn, at first on an
older, experimentation, machine.

Obviously, the two might connect, and for that reason, the 2000 server
received an additional network card, and without real reason, except that
some cable crossing activities remained only partially fruitfull, a little
4 outlet 10baseT hub, while the w95 150 MHz machine was upgraded with a
network card just the same, which in the end, though I must say that took
some thinking and work, which shouldn't have been there with a few proper
manuals or books, happily take part in data exchange of about 1Mbyte per
second windows file sharing, both ways, and tcp-ip connections of various
kinds, including from my own programs, and of real media stream kind.

Mon 22 Oct 2001, 12:21 PM

In the library (uni one) I've typed over a piece of Jimi Hendrix and Eric
Clapton conversation, it's not the whole qoute yet, but its the major part.

An note that this page is coming to you over infranet and proxyserver, which
works fine now for anything (including ftp) except certain types of realplayer
streams.

Jimi: You
can't take away the effect. You may not want to. I may not want
to. ... You might have to stay at a place now, you know, but you don't
necessarily have to live here for the rest of your life, though.Do
you expect to do this for the rest of your life in the same place? I mean,
you know, the same scenery. Walking down the same street to go to
the same office. Regardless if you're making a million dollars. Oh okay,
I'll say a million pound. But still this thing-catch yourself for
a second- you're walking down the same street for thirty years, man,
punching in the same clock. You might even be the whole president of
it, you might even one o'clock in the afternoon. 'Cause you the president
of this business that you made up.Voice
1: Well it comes a time when you got to stop.Voice
2: When it comes to terms, well then you got to
stopJimi:
Well, definately. Well. I haven't reached that yet, you know.I got
a chance to make recordings to five hundred pounds a week.
Now who wants to spend one place going to the same studio and
do this for the rest of their lives? My life doesn't go ike that.If
I got a gig doing five hundred pounds a week, and I got bored, I'm gonna
quit it, man, and go on to something else. But still I'd try to
get into something, you know.Quite
naturally you have to make bread in order to live. ...My
own opinion of making bread is secondary. ... You know, I keep saying
these things over and over again. I'm just trying to clear the
point that making bread is not that much to me. It's only the necessary
things I need. Like, I see a pretty scarf, I might want to
get. I get it. Like I see a jacket-you know ... As far as going out
and saving bread ... and set up money ... setting up a contract and
say that when I get to be sixty-five I get the residuals and have
so much money coming in ... You see-it's little things like that ...I want
to see the North Pole, I want to see the South Pole. I want to see this
mountain so they say they have in the South Pole. I want to see Moscow, you
know. I want to witness a slight bit of pain of what I hear about. Which
might
not even come about. Because it might be all propaganda. No, I don't
want to witness it for too long as it ws gonna hurt me. Physically,
I want to witness. ...This
is America -the heat you sweat and you be so wet ... underground ...I want
to witness this for at least about a minute or two.(laughter)Clapton:
... to witness it, man, for months and realy die, you know-that's the
way. I'd die a million times. You know when I was ...Jimi:
(interrupting) ... Well over a million times walking through London. Or
even around the capital of London, you fall in love a thousand times a day.
You know, I look at the girls, you know. But. after I guess about after
an hour after we get completely wound up and then you ...Voice
1: interrupting) Yeah, but you should never ... because this is an immediate
hangup. ...Jimi:
But there's not-it's not nothing deep, it won't ... there's
no pain in falling in love for a second or even for three minutes. See
it takes an average person, a girl, to walk-somebody you might really dig
by sight, you know-from a departmant store to a restaurant and you might
wait
for a red light. I mean like three minutes ... So
there's no harm in falling in love that one second. For the rest of your
live
you fall in love. Dig, listen what I say now, you say, boy a I want to
marry her, I don't even know her number, first time I ever seen her in
whole life-I just seen her on the street. But then after, okay man, you go
to the third workout, she's on your mind continuous-so beautiful.Then
you're back to your only self again. So you shouldn't say you don't want
to go and see my gigs cause it's so good to indulge the beauty of a girl
you've never seen before. But it's not the last girl. You don't have to
let something life that hang you up. Especially by eyesight, because that's
nothing but memories.Voice
2: What happens when you meet them?Jimi:
O.K. if you meet them or something, that's _social_. I'm not talking about
meeting them, I'm talking about _seeing_ them. You see a girl in a green
coat and purple suede shoes prancing on the corner-not over there[laughter]-well
anyway, you know, so you fall in love right there in a _second_.
I'd go down on her. I'd do _anything_ ... _But_ after fifteen minutes
you're down in another part of the street going toward your office that
you intend in the first place and then you fell a love for this person-and
that's beautiful because at least you still have your own mind. If
you have any kind of imaginary mind it's saying that you belong to earth
and earth only. That's all you can say. You belong to the people-the
people go out to you. That's all you can say. You can't go by commercial
values. And then, plus, you have to say to yourself, "Well, I realy
don't mind this person 'cause I might change my own self. So why
change and then gonna be hurting on this, you know?" ... When it's time
for you to die you gotta do it all by yourself. Nobody's going to help
you. Sweet words don't help nobody. That's nothing but just audio, you
know, nothin' but ears, something that you hear. So you have to do it
by yourself, s quite naturally ... You can owe yourself to somebody. You
can owe yourself to somebody. You can give yourself to somebody. You
can take yourself away from somebody if you want to. But in a split second-because
don't forget-it's _your_ life.All
complete in your life. You understand? O.K., you have the privilege to
get hung up over somebody. But still you yourself have the privilege to
get _un_hung up over somebody. As soon as possible, if you want it to
be as soon as possible. At any time, man. It's your own life. Freedom is
the key word to this whole thing, and people don't understand that
because their brains are too complex, they can't understand that. Imagination
and creation are the key words to this whole earth. Why do you
think you have a great part in your brain as to where you can be creative,
as to where you can help your own? Like, why do you think that every
single human being on this earth is so different than every other
one-in one way or another, you know? There's a purpose behind this.It's
because everybody has their own ways, they can do exactly what they
want. Marriage, marriage, and other artificial forms that have been passed
down generation to generation, say it's bad to make love to girl or
whore, or cross to the other side when you've been going berserk for three
years ... that is nothing but artificial rules. For instance, thisis
a very elementary for instance, but I say, but anybody would understand,
right? Clapton:
What do you need for someone to love you because you've got your own
bag? What do I need for someone to love me because I got all my own
self to keep me going? ... the people that don't create because you feel
that want to show them and teach them something and they destroy you
because they can't understand you.Jimi:
That's right. Because if you get too hung up amoung them ... because if
your mind is too way out ... but we take it we're talking about conventional
people ...Chrissie:
Am I here? ...Jimi:
Don't be stupid. You are here. (laughter)
(Chrissie talks over the converstion and all voice mix temporarily)Jimi:
Anyway, that's the voice of Christine. Lovely Christine.
(here the tape is confused-switching on and off amid banter and
laughter of Jimi, Chrissiem and the others)Jimi:
She is so groovy. Some girls can be so sweet. ...Voice
2: Is that the girl who always answers the bell at your flat?Jimi:
That's Chas's girlfriend. She's very pretty. I mean pretty in the mind.Voice
2: She always sounds as if she's just got out of bed. Every time she
answers the phone.Jimi:
Yeah, she's Swedish. She has this accent-an accent slightly ...Voice
2: Yeah, I know. It didn't distract me at all.Jimi:
... I find out-even when I get sober I find out that I tell more of
the truth on my own self when I am like this than when I'm sober.Music
an life-the flow-goes so closely, it's sort of like a parallel that
is going like this [apparently illustrating the point to everybody] very
roughly, but it's still such a parallel.Voice
2: But it fascinates me that you would get through life without even
beginning to play or understand music. ...Jimi:
but the reason is that they may not know. You see, music is a form of
life itself and these people don't know. Like some people could tell you,
"I don't know nothing about music." O.K., they don't know nothing about
music, but still music enters their life some kind of way. In some ways
they don't even know. As where they feel they're acting because of some
kind of artificial means. But relaxation and music plays such an important
part in their lives. They say, "Oh yea, we remember the classics." They
say it as if classics are no with us-they consider it as something else.
But music is nobody's soul. Something from somebody's real heart. You
know, that theyt could really express by notes. Right now, people be
expressing music by long hair, you know? Where you get a lot-like this
song called "One Mile Long" for instance. There's different ways. Music
is the whole life. People don't know it, but they ... in music even if
they work in a bank. Music, man, it means so many things. It doesn't mean
necessarily physical notes that you hear by ear. It could be notes that
you hear by feeling or thought or by imagination or even by emotions. You
know that's all there is.Voice
2: That's all there is. Is that all there is to you?Jimi:
Nothing but music ... life ... that's all.Voice
1: That's great.Clapton:
I am going to be a millionaire. I plan to buy myself huge cars.i sort
of brings ou down terribly. At the same time I have a kind of idea that money
is kinda necessary.Jimi:
Yeah. Quite naturally it's going to be kinda necessary to do these things.But
you know basic ... money around what you want to do, right? It's a thing-not
like
saying, by the time I get to forty-two and I have three months and a half
for
my birthday ... by the time I get to forty two I plan to have a million pounds
in the bank. It isn't like that with me. I don't think-it might not be
like that with you, you know. Instead of saying I want a million pounds like
that, I say, by the time I get to forty-two no telling what happens but
I hope I can still remember it: how I'm living now and what I do before and
between now and forty-two, you know. It's a thing like that. Money, wow!
Money
is commercial. Human beings make money. I almost hate human beings as
a certain thing that's making these beautiful ideas and commercial values
like
money, like real estate, and like this and that, this and this-the same old
stuff. You see, human beings are so screwed. They are the most complicated
animals
on the earth and probably the ones who are ruling the earth. Excuse me for
hanging on this. ... Just in case anybody can hear the guitar in the background,
that's me playing ... starving ... [laughing], anyway getting right
back, you can let money rule, you have to rule money the way you want to
use it.Voice
1: ... two cats who say that their talent is making money and that's waht
they want to do, they want to make money.Jimi:
Yeah, O.K., I'll tell you what. I want to make the money as where I can live
when
I get bald, you know-when all these curls fall out and the teasing and the
hair spray and what they call all those things I do with my hair-when all
this shit falls out I want to get that money, get that money to hold me together
to do what I want to do in _life_. Not my life toward money. Listen,
knowing
that you can get it on with a girl and really get it on with a girl-so much
of a contrast, so different, man. Like wooing with, hee-hee, you can probably
figure out ... might be so beautiful there, you know.Clapton:
But what really hangs me up 0s-isn't the girl because, I mean, she's a great
girl, she's having good time, and as far as my concern, that's really
great.
What hangs me up is attitude-I mean loot at me ... she doesn't even sort
of ... but she says hello ... but she's got no craft. Except attention gets
fantastic, life feels like an extraordinary game of cards, that strangers
can
be lovers but friends are hardly friends at all.Jimi:
(interrupting) Oh beautiful!Clapton:
(continuing) ... and it's sort of strange you know, and this is sort of
entirely something I can't understand it. And this is what hangs me up, not
knowing, not understanding, you know.Jimi:
O.K. Like this girl I know named Christine, like you know, I know this girl
named
Christine, and she's so beautiful , her mind so together. But see, I don't
even
want to get cought up to her actually, you know. It's because of the
thing
that, I don't know what it is, it might be a phase in my life, it might be
something else ... it's not that I'm hoggish, but want to have this freedom
feeling
regardless of what comes to me good or bad, you know. Like we can be going
together-going together is so beautiful. But dig, there are some things I couldn't
_explain_. Like ... I want to be with her _all_ the time, possibly.I want
her and I ho to the show. And different things. Just do different things.
I like
to take her anywhere I go like South America, Canada-regardless, America
... wherever it is. But man, I might get stoned completely out of my
mind, you know [laughter]. Completely. And then also I might go in this funny
other bag she might not understand. She might understand it, but I can suss
it through that she might not. And if she ... All human beings are selfish
to
a certain extent ... to be .. you know ... just ... up and keep talking about
being free and stuff. And she just doesn't understand this ... it might even
last for three minutes, it might last for five ...Clapton:
... One day you gonna wake up ... and it's all ... gonna be gone. Because
this was ... the way I felt at the time, and I changed my life anyway
... and she realy couldn't understand. ... She says, "Please darling, please
say goodbye before you go."Jimi:
Aw ... do this and do that.Clapton:
You wake up early, you know. ... Yeah, people don't understand that you want
to be free. And the thing is, you see, what is unfair about this is, I said
it
to her at the beginning and it hung her up. At the end she left me and it
destroyed
me. Because I had become her and she had become me ...Jimi:
Beautiful, beautiful ... oh God, that happens to me so much. Like O.K., first
of all, when you-when you know what it realy is? It's a thing like when you
know you can have somebody-just being very very frank-you can be, you can
like
a person, but that person, like when they're around, you say, "Ah well, I dig
this girl, and all this. But dig this sitting at the bar,or dig this sitting
about three feet away from the bandstand-outasight."_But_
deep down inside-this doesn't come out then-but deep down inside you can
say,
"Yeah, well, I'm digging this other girl, but she's digging me, too, you
know. So you know, let me go on and you know cop this what's sitting at
the bar or three feet from the stage." And then quite naturally the bitch
is
gonna call me anyway, you know, so I say, "Well, you know, baby, it's a thing
like so such ... you could really love somebody ... but you still might
mess around, you know, and you might ... "Voice
2: Aren't you caught man, by the fact that you're Jimi Hendrix? You're the
guy that magazines are going to talk about. And say ...Jimi:
(interrupting) I don't know anything about that.VOice
2: (continuing) ... but listen, man, this makes sense. Because, like, remember
this group called the Mersey Beat or someting. They got completely blown-the
whole scene just fell apart-because one day they said, "Well, listen, man,
you know, we see these chicks and we think, 'Great!'" So now it's great and
tomorrow is no good. Because this is the way _everybody_ feels. I mean it's
just
the way we all go. We like a girl one night and you don-t like her the next-and
and the girls are the same. But suddenly these guys were caught by the
fact that they were in the public eye ... this is what frightens me ... I don't
want to be friend. ...(tape
skips suddenly) Clapton:
But I think she's realy nice because she digs my work. ... I had her in
my flat for three hours and she didn't sort of get bugged at all. Now, the
point
is that suddenly you can change your chick every day, man. Because I might
be
a writer or a photographer and suddenly you're stuck by public image. This
destroys
me, you know, because I've got a chance as a ... to become famous.I don't
want to become famous because then I'm caught by my public image. When I become
famous-when I become famous I'm going to stop photographs-I'm going to
become a unrecognizable character.Jimi:
That's right. Just like you might meet beautiful girls-just might be "Missright"
and go off into something so completely. But you might meet a beautiful girl
because of your name, you know. Somebody says, "Well, listen, I'm your manager,
you
know, I'm so-and-so, and I want you to meet this _model_ just came in from
Paris.
And she's _beautiful_. But there is a thing like, just like ... being frank
again-but
mine might not look as ... I mean, she might look so beautiful, more than
this girl you might realy dig. But still you gotta be around you know ...
it's
a thing like, oh God! ... understand the fact that you might still love somebody
deep down inside but still physically a such an elementary stage as you might
"screw" somebody else, you know. But still deep down inside you have this
deeper
feeling for a person that you might've ...Clapton:
I know I can screw anybody but it doesn't chance ... (he is interrupted by
several
voices, all indistinguishable)Jimi:
That's right. Aw, if girls could understand this. Listen, I'm'a tell you
something,
man. Girls realy couldn't understand this.(this
next remark by Clapton sparks a highly spirited conversation and the tape
is
riddled with indistinguishable voices and remarks)Clapton:
No, it's not-it's what they say-if girls could understand it ... if it's
this,
man. You are a man ... so listen. I dig this girl. I think she's the
greatest
thing that ever happened to me and I'll always, you know, be awed by her
... but
I can go out and screw a thousand other girls and think "I still dig Chrissie."
But
what happens when Cristine gets up and screws another thousand blokes plus
... (CHAOS!)All
together: That's right! Then it gets really! Owww man!Jimi:
That's right, men are ...Clapton:
... They've got phrases like, "It's a man's prerogative" ... I think men
... the
whole world makes me laugh right now ... 'cause I mean my concerts are ...(confusion
settles somewhat)Chrissie:
Leave a seat for me ...Clapton:
Yeah, well, you know, baby, any time you want to come along and have a look
at ... (repeated
gaps in the tape during the following remarks by Jimi)Jimi:
... most the time if it's somebody I realy like I don't want to hurt them
no
kinda way. Regardless if you do it to a trip you know that somebody's liking
you-realy
truly like you, you know that they still gonna hurt regardless ... of
how ... you know [large gap] ... and don't take over forty-hey Christine,
don't
take over forty-five seconds, please huh ... I don't want to be another
beautiful gaiety image, you know beautiful ... I was sayin'to a fourteen-year-old
do exactly what you want, regardless, because this is your own generation,
man,
and if youre not going to live this generation the way you wnat to you have
no other
ones to live, you know ... [skips in tape] ... see 'cause they just get in
a commercial
bag ... they let it interfere with their own emotions ... that's right
and you know what? I might make I'll say in American terms, three dollars
that
year and I might not even spend it all. I don't think about, you know, the
future
because ... money doesn't mean that much. If I was very gold-conscious-gold
money
.. I make my lettle thirty dollars. ...Voice
1: Somehow ... (laugh)Jimi:
... and I make thirty more dollars and put it away in the bank. After about
eighty-nine
weeks I have a little nut ... [aside] That's the sun coming up? ... But
I don't look at that. ...Capton:
I wish I could make more money ...Jimi:
Aw, man ...Jimi
Hendrix:Voodoo
child of the aquarian agedavid
henderson, '78