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Do I really want to try again....

Our precious son who was born after FET will be 3 in March. We have 3 frosties which are kept in storage for us until Feb 2013.

My head is all over the place regarding our wee frosties. We are so grateful for them and we don't want to not use them but I've been thinking a lot by myself recently......

I feel that I am only really wanting to try again so DS will have a sibling. I feel I want to give him all my love and attention and don't want him to have to share me - would I even love a 2nd the way I love him?? Also financially I worry as these are uncertain times in any place of work. I have no option to work anything other than full time and the thought of going back to night feeds etc fills me with dread and I feel really selfish to admit this . We may find that they will not work anyway and that will be that but if it does will I be happy.......

I don't want to tell DS I was too selfish to try for a sibling and I don't ever want him to be lonely. It would be nice for him to have someone to turn to if I were not here.

Please can someone tell me their thoughts . Can 3 in a family be ok? I feel really silly asking this and should be grateful to have had DS but my head is done in every time I think about it

Hi Claire, sorry you are struggling with this atm. It is a hard decision isn't it. I dont think you are selfish at all in feeling like this. Of course a family of 3 can be fantastic, I have a fee girlfriends who are only children and they love it. I think it is so individual and it must be amazing to have your mummy and daddy completely to yourself. I am the youngest of 8, which is a silly number and perhaps not comparable but I did feel I missed out a bit on time and love...still do if I'm honest. I have always wanted to have more than one child though, personally, and I have been blessed so far I think it is lovely for children to have someone else to play with and share things with and of course later in life they are not on their own...

Nobody else can help you with this difficult decision hon, it really is completely down to how you and DH feel. In my opinion I think we fear not being able to love another as much because we have for our first is so all consuming, but I really think you just get more love to give. I have asked lots of people about this and you just do... I wish you all the best with your decision hon xxxx

You are very lucky in the respect you have frosties waiting for you. I think you need to ask yourself if you didn't would you be prepared to go through a fresh cycle again to have another child. Or are you just thinking about it because they are there and you don't want to 'waste' them. (sorry I'm sure there is a better word)

I am an only child and I really would love to give my little boy a sibling as I felt very alone as an adult dealing with the death of one parent and the sickness of another. I would like him to have someone to share those burdens with in years to come.

My main reason though for wanting to use our frosties is I would dearly love another baby, I have felt like this since I had DS and always planned on using them. I think the longer you leave it the harder it is to have another as you have totally got out of broken nights/nappies/bottles etc

Like Dusky says this is a decision for you and DH but either way you are not selfish, we all have to do what's right for our families and that's entirely our choice. From a financial point of view you'll know what you can afford, my BIL had a vasectomy at 30 after having two children as him and his wife wanted to be able to give them the very best they could. I think that's really admirable being sensible enough to put those decisions over our desires for ourselves. Personally I am a bit more selfish and think that I'd rather have another child and what they might lack in material things they'd get more than enough of in love. Best of luck with whatever you decide. x

i've had the same thoughts as you but dh are already trying again - have started dregging and our daughter, who we conceived via FET is 1 in a few days. I feel really strongly about trying to give her a sibling, as when dh and i are dead and gone I want someone who will love her unconditionally, and who she will love unconditionally. I don't want her to be alone. I know she will have friends and may get married etc but what happens if they split up etc etc etc.

I used my frosties to see if they would work. the feesh round they came feom ended in m/c & so did the,fet.
I have 3 boys,& feel I have enough love for all of them. they act like they hate each other,at times. my 16 yr old winds the 4 yr old up who in turn winds the nearly 2 yr old up. but then at other times it is so sweet to see them all curled up around each other on the sofa, watchin tv.
they all make me smile for different reasons every day. atm im lookin into my options as to ttc. im not doin it for them or anyone else, just for me. I love being pg, I love childbirth and I love drinking in every inch of my newborn miracle.

but,i think you should go with your gut instinct. if you want to use them for urself - brilliant. if you dont want to use rhem - also fine. in the end you have to do what a) makes you and ur family happy & b) what is right for you & ur family.hopedully they are 1 & the same