Archive of ‘celebs’ category

I am having a Q&A session with none other than Alec Baldwin next week, which should be interesting to say the least (I will be trying really hard not to scream " You are worthress Arrec Bardwin" to his face every 2 minutes. God Help me I want to soo bad!). That being said, since y'all have been patient with me and all, if you do have a question of your own that you want to ask the leader of F.A.G., please leave it in the comment section and I will pick the best two questions and give them to the man to his increasingly round face.

Oh, and by the way, I am still blogging over there. Come over and make some noise!

VERNE TROYER HAS A SEX TAPE. Mini-Me has a sex tape. with his girlfriend. Who is tall, not very tall, normal sized really, but a giant in Verne standards. AWESOME. I wanna see it. Does anyone know where I can download it? You think he uses his whole arm? I am a perv, I know, but goddamn it, human midgit celebrity sex. Now that's must-see TV! Fuck you Highschool Musical. Fuck you!

The
Brown Bunny have decided to make myself available to all women.
All women who can afford me, that is. For the modest fee of $50,000
plus expenses, I can fulfill the wish, dream, or fantasy of any naturally
born female. The fee covers one evening with Vincent Gallo. For those
who wish to enjoy my company for a weekend, the fee is increased to
a mere $100,000. Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can
have me if they can pay the bill.

Even black chicks? Oh Gallo, you are so kind!

However,
female couples of the lesbian persuasion can enjoy a Vincent Gallo evening
together for $100,000. $200,000 buys the lesbos a weekend. A weekend
that will have them second-guessing.

Second guessing what? Their gullibility?

As for those who would want to always have a piece of Gallo with them all the time, well, that will cost you 1 million dollars, and quite possibly a ruined life forever:

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1,000,000.00

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro
fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro
fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical
costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for
as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and
successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr.
Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the
sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an
additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented
detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to
waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm
itself.

and why would you pay this much, you would say? Well…

Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well
aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into
the value of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all
creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning
several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and
hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle
racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are no known
genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of
congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the
potential size of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like
his father.) I don't know exactly how a well hung father can enhance
the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can't hurt.

Today's humanitarian crisis in Iraq — and the potential
consequences for our national security — are great. Can the United
States afford to gamble that 4 million or more poor and displaced
people, in the heart of Middle East, won't explode in violent
desperation, sending the whole region into further disorder?

What
we cannot afford, in my view, is to squander the progress that has been
made. In fact, we should step up our financial and material assistance.
UNHCR has appealed for $261 million this year to provide for refugees
and internally displaced persons. That is not a small amount of money
— but it is less than the U.S. spends each day to fight the war in
Iraq. I would like to call on each of the presidential candidates and
congressional leaders to announce a comprehensive refugee plan with a
specific timeline and budget as part of their Iraq strategy.

As
for the question of whether the surge is working, I can only state what
I witnessed: U.N. staff and those of non-governmental organizations
seem to feel they have the right set of circumstances to attempt to
scale up their programs. And when I asked the troops if they wanted to
go home as soon as possible, they said that they miss home but feel
invested in Iraq. They have lost many friends and want to be a part of
the humanitarian progress they now feel is possible.

It seems to
me that now is the moment to address the humanitarian side of this
situation. Without the right support, we could miss an opportunity to
do some of the good we always stated we intended to do.