[Scene: Outside Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium, day. The ground is perforated from the inside by a large drill with a hovercab attached to it. The door of the hovercab is opened by Leela. Leela comes out and closes the door. The hovercab perforates the ground again, leaving. Leela walks up to the door of the Orphanarium.]

[Cut to: Inside a room. We see a glass, three windows, an empty shelf, three pipes, a lamp, a painting surface, and eight orphans, including Nina, Sam, and Albert, who are playing. The camera pans over to the door, revealing an empty shelf that is smaller than the first one.]

[The door is opened by Warden Vogel. Warden Vogel enters with a sign reading PUBLIC DOMAIN STORY TIME in his right hand.]

Warden Vogel: Okay, kids. Put away the dust motes 'til tomorrow. [Warden Vogel puts the sign on the painting surface.] It's story time! [Twelve orphans, including Sally, gather and sit on the floor, sounding excited.] Today's storyteller is a space captain who grew up right here at the Orphanarium. Welcome back the bedwetter of building D, Turanga Leela!

[Warden Vogel points at the door with his left hand. The door is opened by Leela. Leela enters. The orphans applaud.]

Leela: Hi, kids! [Leela waves.] What book would you like me to read first?

Albert: We don't got books no more.

[Albert stands up and points at the first empty shelf.]

Leela: [confused] What?

Warden Vogel: He means any more. Look, sometimes you gotta choose between eatin' and reading. [angry] So they ate the books. Just... Make somethin' up!

Leela: Make something up? Um... Okay. [Leela sits on a small chair.] Once upon a time, there was a... A...

Leela: Yeah. If you believe the listing agent. Anyhow, one day, the princess went off to... Uh... Tell a story! And, then, that's exactly what she did do that. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

[Albert raises his hand.]

Albert: Miss Leela? I have a question!

Leela: Yes, Albert?

Albert: That story was bad.

[Leela turns her head from side to side.]

Leela: That's not really a question.

[Albert turns his head from side to side.]

Albert: That wasn't really a story.

[Leela stands up, lifting up the small chair.]

Leela: [sad] I'm sorry, kids. I'm not a natural storyteller. [The small chair falls off.] [with conviction] But I promise: I'll make up a better story and come back again.

[Cut to: Inside the Planet Express conference room. Leela is sitting at the conference table. A writing pad and a can of Diet Slurm are in front of her.]

Leela: I'm sure I've got a great kids' story in me. I just need to think of three of some kind of animal. Concentrate, Leela! Concentrate! [Leela is annoyed by the trombone that Fry is playing "When the Saints Go Marching In" with.] [over the noise, screaming] Fry, I'm writing here! Do you have to play that?

[Hermes pours liquid from a bottle labelled RUM into a grinder that he has opened, closes the grinder, presses a button on the grinder, and the grinder starts. The camera pans over to Bender. Bender has just entered.]

Professor Farnsworth: Ooh, good, Leela. You're here. [Leela looks at Professor Farnsworth.] I'd like to describe my foot pain. [Professor Farnsworth sits down and puts his left foot on the table.] My left has a sharp jabbing throb near the bunion, while the other's got a searing pain like gout. [Leela looks repulsed and covers her ears.] Maybe it's too much albumin because of gravity...

[Leela uncovers her ears, grunts, looks up, and raises her arms.]

Leela: Even if I had a pen, I couldn't write under these conditions. [Leela grabs her writing pad and stands up.] I'm going to some other planet, where I can concentrate.

[Leela leaves.]

Professor Farnsworth: [continued] Searing, searing pain that feels as if it were in a vice.

[Amy, Fry, Hermes, Zoidberg, Bender, and Professor Farnsworth continue their activities, but are attacked by wind. The wind is caused by the leaving Planet Express ship.]

Bender: [offended] Well, that was rude.

[Bender blows the whistle once as his head pops open, letting a puff of steam out.]

[Scene: Outside Cookieville Minimum-Security Orphanarium.]

[Cut to: Inside an office. The walls display a bulletin board and a frame above which there seems to be a note. A potted plant and a clock are on top of a filing cabinet with four drawers. Warden Vogel is sitting at a desk, on which there is a computer and a lamp, looking at the computer. A trash bin is between the filing cabinet and the desk. Leela enters with a folded piece of cardboard in her hands.]

Leela: Warden Vogel, I have a new story for the children. [Warden Vogel looks up at Leela.] I'm sure they'll like it more than my last one.

Warden Vogel: They liked hunger cramps more than your last one. Anyhow, you'll have to wait. The kids are busy right now.

[Cut to: Inside the room. A device with rabbit ears and eyes is wired to a television set, which is on top of a third shelf with four wheels sustaining a mask and a suit. Behind it is the second shelf. Abner Doubledeal is standing up, resting his left hand on the television set, which is to his left. Seven children, including Albert and Nina, can be seen in front of him, sitting on the floor.]

Abner Doubledeal: Okay, kids. [Abner Doubledeal points at the children with his right hand.] Get ready to be subjected to our new Fall shows! Mr. Funny Bunny here will gauge your reaction by bombarding your brains with harmless snuggle rays.

[Abner Doubledeal puts on the mask and the suit and turns a dial on the device's back, producing noise and light. The children stare.]

Albert: He gives me a nice, warm feeling in my eyeballs!

[The television is turned on and zooms in and out on a building with a bell and a sign reading ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.]

[Cut to: The elementary school. Shots of a little boy and a little girl swing-riding, the bell, a little girl floor-sliding, and a turning hopscotch court are shown. The title card POPULAR SLUT CLUB appears on the screen.]

Male voice #1: Popular Slut Club.

[A hovercar resembling both a limousine and a cab with SCHOOL LIMO painted on its door arrives at the elementary school. A STOP sign is turned to the road. The door is opened and two little girls come out.]

[Cut to: Inside the room. Eleven children can be seen now. They look hypnotised. Abner Doubledeal is holding a pad labelled FUN-O-GRAPH with a changing graph on it and presses the remote.]

[Cut to: Street. A car is parked in front of a drive-through menu. A flaming hamburger is flying around the menu.]

Male voice #2: Look! Up on the drive-through menu! It's Captain Mega Meat and his young ward Bottomless Boy!

[The hamburger, which has a face, limbs, and a cape, lands on the menu. A soda cup, which, too, has a face, limbs, and a cape, lands to its left. The title card CAPTAIN MEGA MEAT AND BOTTOMLESS BOY appears on the screen.]

[The title card EXTREME TODDLER WRESTLING appears on the screen. Each toddler is put in the crib by an adult. The brown-haired toddler punches the blond toddler in the nose, picks up a folding high-chair, and uses it to repeatedly slam him, making him fall, and hit him on the buttocks. The television is turned off.]

[Cut to: Inside the room. The painting surface and a stool are there. Twelve children, including Sally and Sam, can be seen this time. Warden Vogel is now present as well. Abner Doubledeal takes off the mask and the suit and puts them back on the shelf as the orphans applaud.]

Abner Doubledeal: Thanks for the brain scans, kids. [Abner Doubledeal steers the shelf as he leaves.] Don't have any children for the next couple of days.

[Warden Vogel walks up to the orphans.]

Warden Vogel: Alright, boys and girls. Enough fun! Your old friend Leela is back with a brand-new story!

[Warden Vogel points to the door with his left hand. The camera pans over to the door as it is opened by Leela. Leela enters with the folded piece of cardboard, three small creatures in cardboard, and a mini-piano in her hands. The first creature is red, the second is blue, and the third is purple.]

Leela: Hi! It's great to be back. [Leela proceeds to her right.] I think you'll enjoy this one.

[The orphans sound sad.]

Sally: Please! [Sally raises her right hand.] Can't we just get our organs harvested?

Leela: It's about some cute, little creatures from a land called Rumbledy-Hump. [Leela puts the mini-piano and the creatures in cardboard on the small shelf, unfolds the piece of cardboard, puts the piece of cardboard on the painting surface, revealing it to depict a landscape with two trees, and sits on the stool.] Kids, let's meet the Humplings! [Leela presses a button on the mini-piano and grabs the creatures in cardboard. The piano starts playing. Two other creatures can be seen. The first creature is orange and the second is both pink and yellow. Leela holds up the red creature.]
[in a different tone, singing] My name is Lady Buggle and I huggle all my friends. [Leela sticks the red creature to the piece of cardboard and holds up the blue creature.]
[in a different tone] I'm a silly spring named Doingg and my bouncing never ends. [Leela makes the blue creature jump three times.] Doingg. Doingg. Doingg. [Leela sticks the blue creature to the piece of cardboard and makes the pink and yellow creature jump three times.]
[in a different tone] They call me Princess Num Num. I'm as sweet as sticky buns. [Leela sticks the pink and yellow creature to the piece of cardboard, holds up the purple creature, and makes it jump three times.]
[in a different tone] I'm Feffernoose. [Leela removes the red creature from the piece of cardboard and holds it up.]
[in her own tone, spoken] Hello. [Leela makes the purple creature jump five times.]
[in a different tone, singing] I'm scared of everyones.
[in her own tone, spoken] Oh, Feffernoose. [Leela sticks the purple creature and the red creature to the piece of cardboard and puts her right hand in front of her mouth, holding the orange creature with her left hand.]
[in a different tone, indistinctively] What about me? [Leela removes the red creature from the piece of cardboard and holds it up.]
[in her own tone, distinctively] Hey, it's Garbly. Everyone loves him 'cause they can't understand him.
[in a different tone, indistinctively] It's nice to meet you.
[in her own tone, distinctively, singing] We're here to make you laugh and think and smile and learn and sing.
And laugh and learn and smile and think and other happy things.

[The piano stops playing. The orphans look at Leela in doubt. Leela looks at them in the same way. The orphans start cheering. Leela is surprised. Albert stands up and walks up to Leela.]

Albert: Say more things like that!

[The other orphans stand up and walk up to Leela.]

Leela: Okey-doke. One sunny, funny day, there was an unfamiliar visitor in Rumbledy-Hump.

[Time lapse. The orphans are sitting on the floor.]

Leela: [in a different tone, off camera, singing] Today we learned that folks are not as different as they seem. [Leela is holding up the pink and yellow creature and holds up a gorilla wearing a backpack that is connected to his mouth by a pipe and holding a flower with his left hand.]
[in her own tone] The space gorilla's just like us.
[in a different tone] Although I breathe chlorine.

Nina: Will you come back again and tell us more stories and also adopt us all?

Leela: Of course I'll tell you more stories. [Leela stands up.] I'll go think some up right now.

[The orphans and Warden Vogel look at Leela in contentment as she leaves. Behind the glass are Abner Doubledeal and Mr. Funny Bunny. Abner Doubledeal lifts up his mask and looks at his pad. The pad is beeping and showing a graph.]

Abner Doubledeal: I brain-scanned those little nose-pickers during your story. And, sister, their enjoyment glands were squirtin' like Broadway roadkill!

[Abner Doubledeal holds up his pad and points at it.]

Leela: [touched] Aw. [Leela folds her hands.] They were?!

Abner Doubledeal: Say, you seem like a smart mark. [Abner Doubledeal points at Leela.] How'd you like to make it into a TV show? Sign here, 'round this... Uh... [Abner Doubledeal grabs a piece of paper from his jacket.] Supercuts coupon.

[Abner Doubledeal hands Leela the piece of paper.]

Leela: [sad] I dunno. [Leela shrugs.] Don't I need a degree to write gibberish for toddlers?

[Sally, Nina, and Albert walk up to Leela.]

Nina: Come on, Miss Leela! [Leela looks at Nina. Nina points at Leela with her left hand.] Don't be a fraidy cat like Feffernoose!

[Leela shrugs.]

Leela: Okay. I'll do it! [Leela raises her right hand.] To show you kids you can succeed at anything. [Abner Doubledeal is holding a pen.] If you just luck out hard enough.

[Leela grabs the pen and writes a Z on the piece of paper. Abner Doubledeal puts the piece of paper back in his jacket.]

Hermes: Working on a real TV show is so exciting! I'm on a mostly natural high!

Amy: These costumes are gonna make it hard to go to the bathroom.

Fry: I'm not havin' any problem.

Abner Doubledeal: We're shooting in five minutes and this Leela broad hasn't even delivered a script yet! Sweet Zombie Jesus! Like it's not hard enough to make a freakin' TV show for under fifty bucks! [The spaceship arrives.] Damn it, I'll call you back, grandma. Nice of you to show up, toots. I mean that sincerely. It's just that I'm in show biz.

Abner Doubledeal: Baby, I hope you like drowning in caviar. 'Cause that is how you're gonna die!

[Montage.]

[Scene: the Young People's Choice Awards theater.]

Calculon: Welcome back to the Young People's Choice Awards. In a moment, the award for Outstanding Sext Message. But, first, the nominees for Best New Kids' Show are... Yo Gimme Gimme!, The Adventures of Pit-Bull and Scaredy Squirrel, Dora the Destroyer, and Rumbledy-Hump.

Fry: I hope you win, Leela.

Leela: Thanks, Fry. It's nice to have the support of viewers like you.

Fry: I'm the star of the show.

Leela: Shh!

Calculon: And the Slurmie for Best New Kids' Show goes to... Turanga Leela for Rumbledy-Hump!

Female voice: This is Turanga Leela's first nomination and second time in high heels.

Leela: Wow. I feel so lucky just to have been nominated alongside so many inferior shows. And, to all my young friends at the Orphanarium, thank you for inspiring me to be your hero.

Calculon: Slurm her!

[Scene: a celebration dinner.]

Bender: So wait. You play a high-school student who's also secretly a rock star who's also secretly a massage chair?

Fembot: No. I play a high-school student who's also secretly a rock star, but, in real life, I'm a massage chair.

Bender: Hmmm. You ever made out with a tugboat?

Leela: Guys, I didn't have time to mention it up there, but I want each of you to know what an honour it is to work with me.

Hermes: Sweet ego of Montego! Someone build a wind farm in front of her mouth.

Abner Doubledeal: Leela, I mean this. You're the greatest creative mind since blah, blah, blah-bity, blah. But it's two AM and you still haven't written tomorrow's episode.

Leela: Well, you can't expect me to write it here, with everyone talking so loudly about how great I am.

Abner Doubledeal: Sorry.

Leela: I'm taking the ship to my quiet place so I can be alone. You non-creatives can catch a bus home.

Fry: Non-creative? Ha! I'll have you know I bedazzle my own underpants.

[Scene: a green planet.]

[Cut to: Leela is on the surface of the planet, writing.]

[Cut to: Bender and the fembot are getting off the spaceship.]

Bender: That was a helluva massage. Maybe the best there ever was. Say, where are we? Rumbledy-Hump?! It's real!