Friday, August 14, 2009

I was awakend at 3am last night by a vivid nightmare. My heart pounding and my breath rapid, it took me long seconds to get my bearing. To realize that I was not in the pitch dark basement of an abandoned warehouse with malicious ghosts while possessed people walked past me mumbling inanities. As I lay there in the darkness, my brain kept playing the last terrifying minutes of my dream back in a loop. Despite Neil's comforting warmth next to me, I could not relax. I got up and went into the bathroom where I sat on the toilet, still shaking. The glaring light reassured me, drew me into its embrace.

Outside the monsters lurked. Within that bright room I was safe.

These dreams were absent from my life for a long time. They used to visit me almost every night. I was haunted. But the arrival of a beloved daughter kept those ghosts at bay. Where before I was awakened by my subconscious, now I had a living, breathing, happy lure from my slumber. A lifetime of sleeping badly finally justified. For months and months I had no dreams, good or bad. I fantasized they would never return, just one more post-baby change.

But return they have. Revelations that do not reveal, they torment and tantalize me. Are they symbols, representations of aspects of my life? Are they just what they seem, an overactive imagination finally given the gas to run at full throttle? I revisit the images throughout the day, chewing on them like a canker sore, painful and satisfying.

I don't know how to make them stop. Not even really sure I want them to. They are my burden, but I relish a strange joy in them. These dreams are bizarre and fantastical and sometimes horrifying but they are me. At the core. They are me.

23 comments:

Years ago I had a dream that my daughter was abducted and drowned while we were at a campground or something. She had on the pjs that she wears alot...in the dream. I woke up sobbing. I sobbed that whole night...I thought about it in the day and sobbed. It was sooo vivid and real like. It took about 2 weeks to shake it. And even typing this now, I feel very sad. And that was like 10 yrs ago.

Why do you think I suffer from insomnia? I think the two of us should collaborate our dreams and give Stephen King a run for his money. I've got zombies, bloody gore, and parents that must drown their crying children to save their entire town from massacre as the enemy soldiers march over their hiding place.

If you wake up screaming, I think that's considered a night terror. Do you sleep with a nightlight on? I heard that helps, and that helps me. I used to wake up and see some kind of ghoul was above me, and I'd scream. It was just the ceiling fan, though. I like it really dark for sleeping, but having a faint light does help. Like some of the other commenters, many times after a really bad dream it takes me a long time to shake it. I hope these dreams won't bother you anymore!

I used to have nightmares all the time. Mostly vampires and weird blobby beasts that didn't sound frightening but scared me to bits. Until read your post, I didn't realize that they went away about the same time that I gave birth to Axel. Weird.

I used to have nightmares all the time. Mostly vampires and weird blobby beasts that didn't sound frightening but scared me to bits. Until read your post, I didn't realize that they went away about the same time that I gave birth to Axel. Weird.

Lately I have been having bizarre dreams/nightmares about my former life (trading stocks) It's weird since I haven't seen those people, or been a part of that life in almost 8 years. How does that creep back into the psyche?

It would take me an hour to tell you my history with nightmares. Let me just say it's something I have struggled with for about 10 years now. They happen within 10 minutes of falling asleep, with me screaming and crawling back over my husband because I "see" someone or something standing over me.

They quit about two years ago. I was so relieved.

They started back about 6 months ago. I am exhausted.

I'm sorry you had such a stinky night. Let's pray it's only pregnancy hormones and not the beginning of rough nights again. ((((HUGS))))

Dreams can be so vivid sometimes...so beautiful and sometimes so horrifying. I do believe our subconscious is processing something in our lives. It is telling us something. I'm sending lots of good energies your way and hoping that you find peace.

I've had some horrible dreams I care not to discuss.. I don't understand why I have them or for the fact that anyone would. Is it the subconciuos(spell) if so I wish I could rip it out because it can be so very crule I'd like to think that I am not the type of person who could think of those things and the fact I hate horror films and things that jump out at you in the night.....does not make sence to me?

I can't imagine what that must be like. I have dreams, almost everyone does, but my dreams seem mundane compared to what you seem to be going through. I think the last really bad dream I had involved whips, chains and Heather Locklear - so it couldn't have been too bad - just frustrating.

Oh my....scary. Maybe you should write a book about them. You know like Stephanie Meyer wrote Twilight from a dream. Then you could be all major famous and have lots of money and pay other people to have your scary dreams for you.