Nope. This is not a review of the much celebrated Richard Gere film. The title is as is, where is. I had an encounter with a very rude policeman who tested my patience and being a gentleman and stirred up my dormant capacity for violence. This motherfucker used his badge as a shield to be rude and abusive in an attempt to intimidate me—a man who emulates gaiety and peace. Little did he know that I am an Aquarian. Thanks to my best friend, I have rendered hundreds of hours in training on squatterism and jologsology. I was asked to return the next day to get the police report which we need for our filing of insurance. SPO2 Ronaldo Balleber messed with me by saying that he will not give me the report since our party settled the matter the day before. I was calm when I explained to him that we need it since the vehicle in question is company property. The officer then raised his voice and called the gentleman opportunistic and unfair. That did it for me. I blew my top off and stood up and spewed pyroclastic clouds of “fuck yous” and “putanginas.” We had to be subdued by the station head. I fixed my hair in an attempt to regain my fabulousness (masculine tone drastically declines), the officer mocked me by acting out a faggot-like-tucking-of-the-hair-behind-the-ear thingy. I faced him, our faces just an inch away and I said, “Putangina, may problema ba?” He answered, “Ikaw, anong gusto mong mangyari?” I felt the blood rush to my head and said, “Bigyan mo ako ng dahilan.” And like a concerned dog owner, the station officer hosed us down.
After getting the police report, I stormed out of the police station and proceeded to go back to the office. As I savored the memory of my masculinity, cockiness, and animal instinct, I suddenly felt that other part of my maleness awaken. Damn! I made myself hot and horny with myself……