Date: Sun, 9 Dec 2007 01:41:37 -0800 (PST)
From: -Just Me- 'Donte'
Subject: his Smile "Chapter 9"
This chapter was really difficult for me to write, but I don't mind a
challenge every now and then. And the final result...I can't believe I
wrote it. It's kind of a stretch from what I'm used to writing about but,
I think it works. Also readers, it's a possibility that this could be a
10-chapter story. Not definitely, but maybe.
Chapter 9: unexpected Hero
It's all a matter of principle. Or is it? Was I kicked out because
I'm gay, or because I got caught sleeping with someone in my mothers house?
I could deal with one, but the other not so much. Its one thing to lose a
home, being young its something you can cope with. But it's a whole other
story when you lose loved ones for reasons out of your control. I couldn't
change how I am, and my mother isn't okay with how I am. So my provider
and protector may possibly hate me because of it. But wait, there's more:
I could always turn to my friends right? Wrong. My best friend hates
people because their gay, so I can't even tell him what's going on with me.
My other best friend...I'm still not sure what's going on with her, I guess
just chose her boyfriend over me, a boyfriend that hates me nonetheless.
If it runs in the family, that means Hilda would rather have a big dick
that's attached to an idiot for a few nights, rather than a friend for
life. And oh wait, there's always my trustworthy and loving sister right?
Nope, not even that. Somehow, she managed to get the `go straight to jail'
card when I needed her most. For a freaking ticket or two. Or eight.
So who does that leave? Well Henry is sticking it out with me, but
only until this time tomorrow, at which point he'll be on a plane to
another state and I'll really be all alone. I would go with him, but I'm
homeless so how could I even afford a plane ticket? And he could stay with
me, but then again he's homeless too and has a dorm-room and a dream
waiting for him in Chicago. Okay, pretty much everyone is scratched off
the list and I've got close to nothing to rely on, except the boy I'm in
love with who happens to be in a pretty bad situation himself. But aren't
I forgetting somebody...
"Where are we going"?
"There's still one person who doesn't know about us yet, and doesn't
hate us. Well I hope he doesn't".
Henry stares at me confusingly and yells, "Derek...are we going to
Drew's house!? Are you serious"!?
"Calm down, I wasn't talking about Drew. Come on, we're here". I
bring Henry through the front door and up the steps of this high rise
apartment building. Part of me wants to surprise Henry, the other part is
worried this will explode in my face. The steps are a real problem, with
all these belongings we're carrying around. But finally we reach the 8th
floor.
"Why are you being all quiet about this? And why the hell didn't we
take the elevator"!?
"Oh shut up, we're almost there. You know...you don't have to follow
me if you don't want to. Even if you're having problems with your family,
you still at least have a home to go to".
"Derek, are you kidding? I couldn't just leave you to fend for
yourself. I'm part of the reason you're here...wherever we are...I'll be
by your side for as long as I possibly can".
"Thanks, I'd hug you if my arms weren't full of stuff. Knock on H7
for me please". ..And the anxiety sets in. What am I doing here? I don't
even really know this guy, yet I'm at his door about to ask for a place to
stay for a while. And why should he agree? Well..because...
"Derek? What are you doing here"?
"Um, hi dad...Johnny...can I spend the night? Or the week?
Umm..please"?
"..."
"..."
"...Well, I guess, but why"?
"It's a long story, and I'll tell you sooner or later, but I really
need a bed right now. I don't have anywhere to stay, my school prom is
tomorrow, I haven't eaten all day, I've been walking for the past 2 hours
just to get here, and I don't have the energy to turn around now. So can
we please stay here with you"?
"Okay, ..who's your friend"?
"Oh right, Johnny you remember Henry? Henry meet Johnny, he's my
dad. Can we come in now"??
"Uhh, give me one second". He closes the door on us, leaving a
peculiar silence in the hallway. I don't even look at Henry because I can
imagine the look on his face as clear as day.
"So. Your dad is..."
"Stop. Don't say it".
"Fascinating, I was going to say. For a weirdo", Henry says half
laughing half worried giggle.
"I know, he's not a great father but we seriously don't have any
other options right now". He returns to open the door and let us in. This
is the first time I've ever seen where he lives, and it is surprisingly
nice. I mean, really surprisingly nice. Its sort of a condo, sort of an
apartment, though I'm not really sure what you'd call it. The walls are
gloriously white, so is the furniture, as if its all just to look at, not
use. Walking through the place in awe, I notice that it even has a large
gated balcony and a second floor! What kind of an apartment has a second
floor?!?
"What kind of an apartment has a second floor", Henry says as if
thinking my thoughts for me.
"It's not really...well its an upscale apartment. It's fairly new,
but paid for. Two floors, balcony, jacuzzi, 3 bedrooms, walk-in kitchen,
skyline view, it has everything", Johnny says.
"How did you afford all this? This place must've costed you a
fortune"! I ask still a little amazed.
"I uhh.. I work hard. Hard work pays off. Let me give you boys a
place to sleep, there's a guest bedroom upstairs". So he takes us up to
the second floor along this spiraling staircase, and I could swear I was
dreaming, but this time I'm really not, into a pretty nice sized bedroom.
"There's only one bed, so you'll have to either fight over it or sleep
together".
"I'm sure we can work it out", I tell him with a gleaming chuckle.
"Well, my bedroom is at the end of the hall, knock if you need
anything. You can order pizza or something right? I'll call your mom and
tell her you"-
"NO! Don't call mom, she's...having some alone time. Doesn't want
to speak to anyone right now, and wanted to give me my space during prom
season. You know, she wants hers too".
"Oh, I see. Okay then. I have some errands to run, I'll be back in a
few hours to check up on you two. What's his name again"?
"I'm Henry, sir".
"Right, make yourself comfortable but don't break anything. See you
two later". He leaves in a rush and I'm stuck wondering how I ended up
here.. Henry doesn't waste any time making up the bed. I guess he's sleepy
too, I know I am. It's hard for me to manage after not sleeping a full
eight hours, and especially hard when there's so many things to worry
about.
"Thanks for making the bed up, you must be really tired huh"? I say
to spark up a conversation amidst the awkward deadness in the air.
"Tired? Just a little, but I think you've had a very stressful day.
Remember we need to enjoy each others company while we can, why don't you
come lay down", he directs me to the middle of the bed and I fall face
first into the excessively comfortable mattress. Then he proceeds to take
off my shirt, and it dawns on me what he's getting at.
"Henry! After all of today you want to have sex!? We don't even
know this place, what if we get caught again? What if there's somebody
watching or my dad comes back, we're screwed"!!
"Calm down baby, there's nobody else here, your dad said he'll be a
few hours, and who knows when we'll get some alone time again? I just want
to make this night special, it could be our last for a while". Without
anything else to say, he continues to take my shirt off and tries to get me
to relax by massaging my back and neck. Man this feels good, he has the
best hands I've ever felt! Soon I can't resist any longer, even though
that voice is still in my head yelling through a muzzled echo `this is what
got you in trouble the last time!' But he practically has me melting with
his hands rubbing deeply up and down my back.
"Where did you learn how to give a massage like this"? I ask with my
face buried in a pillow.
"I ran track with a lot of friends last fall, and straight guys are a
lot gayer than you might think". He advances onto my hips, wrapping his
strong hands around my waist and almost tickling me into a hard-on. While
massaging, he leans forward and starts kissing the side of my neck...he
definitely knows my spot, and I can feel his dick every time he leans
forward on top of me. I'm not even sure if he's wearing clothes or not at
this point. Continuing down my back, he slips his fingers under the sole
of my boxers and slowly pulls them down to my knees, then sexually caresses
both of my ass cheeks while kissing down the middle. Wow I can't believe
this, it feels so good I completely forget about anything negative that
might have happened...in my life. He comes back and caressing my ear with
his lips, whispers to me, "I want to fuck you so bad".
..Which kind of surprises me, so I turn around to face him and say,
"Are you sure we're ready"? I am a little nervous, but I can't deny how
much I want to do it too.
"Yes, when if not now? And with someone you love", he whispers again
kissing me on my lips, and trying to get me to lay back down.
"Wait wait, ok but we need a condom".
"Oh right...I think I left the one I brought in your room. Don't you
have one"?
"No, I don't get laid so often I need to carry them in my wallet.
Maybe I can check my dads room, a single guy must have one somewhere".
"Ok, come on let's go". In a hurry we run naked through the hallway
and stop in front of his door. "Is it locked"?
"No, just shut tight", so I push hard to open it, and when it does
budge, tip toe inside the dark room. "I can't find the light switch".
"Right here", Henry says and pulls a lamp chord.
"Oh my gosh turn it off".
"Why? What's wrong"? At first sight, it's a normal room. But a
second look over reveals some questioning items: the bed looks like he
tried to make it up in a hurry, but also like it hasn't been made up for
real in days, there are plenty of condoms around, but most of them are used
and hanging out the side of a small trash can, an assorted selection of
lubricants are lined up against the wall, and, here's the curve ball, a
video recording camera with a sheet thrown over it is stored in the corner.
"Derek...what the hell is up with your dad"?
"I wish I knew... I didn't expect to.. I wasn't even ready to.. wow.
Everything's so clear now. This is why I never see him, why he's got so
much money, why I don't even know him! My father is some kind of
man-whore"!!!
"Manwhore...Don't you think you're over reacting? I admit this is a
little weird, but maybe he just...likes to have sex".
"In front of a camera!!! And how does somebody who works so hard
have enough to time to have sex this often? Do you see how many condoms
are in that garbage bag"!?
"Ok, so he practices safe sex".
"Ok Henry, stop defending him. That man is some kind of pervert and
I'm getting to the bottom of this".
"Can't we do that later? I want you to get to the bottom of me".
"Sorry, but I have to know what's going on. I'll be sleeping here
for who knows how long". I walk hesitantly over to the video camera and
turn on the power.
"What if you don't like what you find"? I ignore him, and hit the
playback button. Its my dad, I'm sure his penis isn't that much different
from mine.
Wow was I wrong.
Henry walks up and peeks over my shoulder. "Wow Derek, your dad is
packing"!
"SHUT UP! That wasn't funny, and that thing looks gross anyway.
Maybe you should go back and stand on the other side of the room". Of
course he doesn't listen. Instead we watch as I fast forward through solo
footage that will probably scar me for the rest of my life. Damn
curiosity.
"Wait, go back".
"Henry..."
"No, I think I saw somebody else. Go back, I want to see who that
was". Damn curiosity again gets the best of me, I return to that part and
see who I believe is my father...this is sickening...he's doing something
with his back toward the camera...I can't believe I'm watching this...when
he finally moves, I gag, he moves and we can see...a man?!? What the
hell?!? "HAH! I knew it, your dad is so gay"!
It really takes everything in me not to punch him for saying that.
"How could he not tell us this"?
"Well, you didn't tell him you were gay yet".
"Yea but, I don't have kids, and...I'm not HIS father"!
"But this isn't such a bad thing...how you found out is, but now we
can tell him about us. Maybe he could help us out or something, after I
leave you may very well be here alone. I don't want anything bad to happen
to you, you need your father right now".
"I've never needed him. That psycho doesn't even deserve to be my
father, he's probably a freakin porn star or something".
"But he's practically rich, you don't know what circumstances brought
him to this Derek. He provides for you and your mom doesn't he? He can
afford to live in this nice condo in New York, he doesn't seem sick or
anything. He obviously has his priorities in check".
"Why the hell are you protecting him!? He means nothing to us, not
to me. In fact I would be stomping out of this building right now if"-
-"If you weren't naked and homeless"?
I look down at myself, forgetting why we came in here in the first
place. He has a point. "You ass. Why do you always have to be right"?
"Hahaha, hey calm down. You have a place to stay, and he can't kick
you out because you're his son".
"But I'm 18. Technically, he can kick me out whenever he wants".
"But he wouldn't, for what? Because you're gay? Well now he is too,
so don't ruin it for yourself by starting an argument, ok"?
"That's easy for you to say"...
"No it isn't. My dad isn't a good father either, atleast you have
one that, if nothing else, provides for you and your sister. You can come
out to him on your own terms, and he could do the same for you. You have
the chance to gain a loved one you never really had. This must be why he's
so distant, now you can fix that". He gets closer to me and starts
speaking in a lighter voice. "Please Derek, I don't want to leave you in a
situation where I'd have to wonder if you're okay or not. Be understanding
about this, if not for you then for us".
"Okay okay, I get it. Come on, we'll just act like we didn't see
anything for now".
"But...no sex"?
"I am in no mood...you don't leave until tomorrow night right? We've
got plenty of time to pop my cherry".
"But aren't you going to prom..."
"Yea I...oh shit. Shit shit shit".
"Stop cursing so much"!
"I forgot! I forgot everything, I don't have a ride, a suit, my
friends don't know I'm living somewhere else so they haven't been able to
call me..."
"Once again, calm down. You said you'd ask your dad for a suit, and
look where we are. Your mom gave you enough money to rent something to
ride in before we got kicked out, and if I know Sandra well enough, then
she's already got everything planned anyway. All you need to do is get
Drew the information he needs and you're set".
Right, and that means actually calling him. We haven't had an actual
conversation in days, and who knows if he heard about my incident in school
or not earlier today. This can't possibly end well? I know what I have to
do, whether or not I want to. At this point, losing another friend won't
feel like much of a big deal, but only since I already know where he stands
on homosexuality. "Put your clothes back on for now, I have to take care
of this as soon as I can". We close the door and go back to our room to
get dressed. Once my clothes are back on, I go downstairs to the living
room and call Drew, giving Henry a hint to stay upstairs, because I feel I
need to handle this alone. As the phone rings I can feel my heart beating
faster and faster in my chest. All I can think to myself is `don't hang
up'.
"Hello"?
"H-Hi Drew. What's up"?
"You tell me! Where have you been lately? I've been calling you,
looking for you, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were avoiding me".
"No its not that Drew, I've just been busy. You know, umm, prom and,
well, college stuff".
"Are you home? Nobody answers your phone, and there's always someone
at your house".
"No I'm not home. Visiting my dad".
"...Really? I thought you never visit your dad...I didn't think you
even knew where he lived.."
"Yea well, I kept his address in the notebook I have in my book bag.
So I uhh, surprised him".
"Ok ok, why did you leave school early today? I heard there was a
fight in the parking lot and we missed it"!
"Oh really? ..What did you hear"?
"Nothing much, something about some gay kid and all this other stuff
I don't remember. I think your homo-buddy Henry was the gay kid hahaha".
"Drew stop! That's not even funny, we could've been...Henry could've
gotten hurt or something".
"So what, he's gay! He probably deserves it anyway, I told you to
stop hanging out with that fudge-pusher so you won't end up in shit like
whatever went down today".
"Drew SHUT UP! Stop being such an asshole, why would you treat him
like that, he didn't do shit to you! He didn't do shit to anybody, all you
idiots do is talk about him behind his back because you know he can"- I
feel Henry grab me from behind. I turn around to look at him giving me a
knowing look, urging me not to go off on Drew. "I-I'm sorry Drew. I'm
sorry but, if you're going to talk about him like that, then I don't think
we can be friends". And I've never been this serious in my life.
"Whoa what the hell, the hell has gotten into you? Why would you
care, that fag is probably at your house giving your sister an STD or
something, and you're gonna yell at me for trying to help you out"? It
takes me a while to register why he put my sister in this, then I remember
that Henry is `supposed' to be dating her as a front for dating me.
Meanwhile Henry is giving me all types of signals and looks but I'm
ignoring each one so that I can handle Drew efficiently. I have to realize
what I'm doing, if I start to second guess myself, nothing will get done.
Obviously Drew can't cope with having a gay friend, so I have to nip this
in the bud.
"Fuck it Drew, if you're not friends with him, then you're not
friends with me".
"Are you freaking serious Derek??? What is wrong with you!? Since
when do you even have anything moral to say? If you know what's good for
you, you'd go back to being a quiet little bitch so no one will notice you
hanging out with a gay dude".
"Drew, I'm gay!!! You're going to find out anyway, so I'm gay okay?
I've been dating Henry for a week, we are madly in love with each other, I
got kicked out of my fucking house! My sister is in jail, my best friends
turned into assholes overnight, my boyfriends brother wants to kill me, and
my boyfriend himself is leaving tomorrow! Right now, I can't take anything
else putting me down. I don't have anyone! Tomorrow night, I won't have
anyone!! Not a friend in the world because all anyone can see is a gay boy
just trying to be happy with another boy. Nobody cares, so fuck you, fuck
Hilda fuck your fucking school and all the fucking fake asses that go
there"! Hysterically in tears, completely losing control of all my
actions, Henry grabs the phone out of my hand and I dive into his chest and
start sobbing heavily. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, atleast not
today. I almost made it, I was being strong for myself and Henry, but this
blew every bit of strength I thought I had out the window.
"Derek..." Says a voice, one that I don't think came from Henry.
"Derek come here, please just come". I lift my head up to see my dad
standing in the doorway.
I wipe my face and try my best to dry all the tears with my shirt and
then stand up to go over to him, half expecting to be kicked out a second
time. "How long were you standing there"?
"Since Henry tried to tell you your father had come home". Looking
over my shoulder, I can see Henry thinking `I told you so' so loudly I can
almost hear it.
"Dad I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scream. I meant to tell you why I
was here but.." the more I speak the harder it is to hold back my tears.
"Shhh, stop. I understand completely. You don't have anything to be
ashamed of, you've gone through hell in a week. You can stay here for as
long as you want, you're my son. And if no one else, you still have me".
I look up at him, for the first time, I see emotion in his eyes. He's
never given me anything but greetings and commands, but finally, I can see
that he really does care about me.
"Thank you so much dad, I didn't think that.. can I ask you
something"?
"Sure son, anything".
"Please don't, I love you dad, but don't get mad. We saw all the
stuff in your room. Why didn't you tell us? If I would've known my father
was bisexual, my life would've been so much easier".
"What...? Derek, I'm not..."
"Oh please don't lie about it now. Henry and I watched the tape". I
look back to get his support, and realize he's already left to our room.
"For one, you shouldn't have been snooping. Secondly, nobody on the
tapes are me. I'm not really bisexual...I don't know what the hell I am.
But I am a director. Yes, a porn director. A gay porn director. Which is
why your mother didn't want me around you and your sister. I couldn't just
stop doing what I was doing, and she was disgusted at the thought of it.
So since it wouldn't have worked out between us anyway, I left her to raise
you two".
"You chose your job over your family"?
"Hey, lets not judge here. You're not the first guy to kicked out of
that house you know. The point is, I'm open about these things because its
what pays my bills, and you mother isn't. So its no surprise she wasn't
happy to find out about you and your, umm, boyfriend I guess".
"Why didn't anyone ever tell me about these things"?
"Derek, how do you tell a child, your son, that you direct gay porn"?
"Yea but still.. you're like rich".
"Haha, I'm well off, not rich. But now that you know, I believe I
have some making up to do".
"What do you mean"?
"You have a prom to go to don't you? Don't let anything discourage
you, its your night. And whatever you want, its yours".
"Sorry dad, but I don't think you can give me what I want. School
isn't necessarily where I want to be now, and I don't ever want to have to
face Drew or those kids again".
"Well if you change your mind, I'm here. I'm always here, remember
that. I know I haven't been, but there's no reason for that anymore. And
it sounds like you could use another family member right about now".
"Heh, ain't that the truth".
"Well now that you've completely stopped crying, I want you to go get
Henry so we can have some dinner. I brought your favorite, pepperoni
pizza". I'd hate to tell him how much I don't want pizza at this moment,
and that I've recently discovered chicken as a topping, but what the heck.
I got the dad I never had, and one more night with the one I love. That's
reason enough for me to celebrate.