One of the risks of traveling for birding is that sometimes you are going to see birds in cages and it's going to gut you. One of the most brutal examples for me was in Honduras. We had spent the morning in arid and remote habitat looking for the Honduran emerald, a hummingbird only found in Honduras. We saw several other species, but the day was hot and we couldn't get enough water. Because we were far from out lodge and all the villages nearby were small, arrangements had been made to have lunch at a local rancher's house. His wife prepared us a hard meal of chicken, salad, rice, beans and freshly squeezed juice. Her home was lovely and we ate indoors, while her kitchen was outdoors.

Outdoor kitchen in Honduras.

Afterwards we were allowed to wander the yard, take pictures of her kitchen or nap in her many hammocks. I grabbed a few photos of her stove and then settled in a hammock. I had a vague awareness of her animals around the property, most notably chickens but then I noticed a bird cage leaning against a tree with three white-fronted amazons inside. I tried to will myself to not pay them further attention and to let myself fall into a nap. Then I overheard two women from my group discussing the birds. "Oh, look at that! Mom, dad and a baby!" My brain snapped awake.

"They're not babies," I called over and the women looked confused. I walked to the cage and noted the overturned water dish, the empty food dish and complete and utter lack of toys for the birds to chew. I noted the bark of the tree that the cage leaned against was covered in chew marks. And I noted two birds hunkered together while a third--the odd man out had chewed most of his body feathers away. "That's not a baby, that is a bird bored with it's captivity that is chewing it's feathers because it has nothing to do."

White-fronted amazons in a cage. One is plucking its feathers.

I could feel rage and frustration coming over me...followed by the inevitable welling of tears. We'd seen these parrots throughout our trip living in the wild. There's nothing like seeing the parrot brain and beak navigate in the wild. They're so smart at figuring out how to crack open hard nuts for finding food and establishing long term pair bonds. After seeing them in the wild that morning and now to see three bored in a cage was gut wrenching. I noted the chickens freely roaming the yard--soon to be food. The food chickens had a better life than the three birds living in bored torture that were kept out of love.

I walked around the yard trying to force the emotion back. This was a birding tour, not my time to be some white lady telling a woman trying to get by in Honduras on how to raise her pets. But I also thought of the bird I had at home and how miserable he'd be in cage with nothing to chew and no water on a miserably hot day.

I went back into the home and grabbed a napkin from my lunch to try and hide what I'd been thinking. I decided to force myself back to the cage and confront the situation. I wanted to look the plucked bird in the eye and just acknowledge that I see the life it's living and I know that it sucks. As I looked at the plucked bird, it walked over to where my hands were and its beak reached through the bars toward my hand holding my slightly damp napkin...it wanted to chew it.

My Spanish is terrible so I asked my local guid to ask the woman if she'd mind if I gave her bird a napkin to chew. She nodded it was ok. I brought it forward and the bird greedily snatched the napkin away and started tearing it apart. Its cage mates came down to explore as well.

I asked my guide to translate for me. "This bird needs a job. This bird sees how hard you and your family works and it wants to work too. Because it has nothing to work on, he gets bored and plucks his feathers. If you give him some rope or coconut husk to chew on, it might stop chewing its feathers and be beautiful again."

She seemed to consider the suggestion, but I have no idea of it worked and left embarrassed that I'd gotten emotional in front of the group. I especially don't enjoy being the person visiting and learning about another country and telling people how to live their lives. I've built a thick skin when it comes to nature. Life in the wild is brutal. Most animals don't die quiet deaths in their sleep, they're eaten alive, they can live for days starving after receiving a crippling injury, babies are plucked from their nests...it's horrifying. When I see animals in awful domestic situations I try to remind myself that life may not be much better for them in the wild. But a parrot that can live for decades sitting bored in a cage...that torture seems far too long.

And this doesn't only happen to parrots. It happens to birds we can see in our backyards..

An indigo bunting for sale outside of my hotel in Havana. One of many seen on my trip to Cuba last year.

Our first day walking around Old Havana, I heard an indigo bunting singing. It didn't seem to be the right habitat but maybe it was a bird caught in the city during migration. We looked for the source of the song and found a balcony covered in bird cages full of illegal birds: Cuban bullfinch, indigo buntings and painted buntings. We would end up seeing wild birds illegally kept in cages every day. The most common was the painted bunting. To learn more about the bunting trade in Cuba, read this fascinating article the bunting black market.

Part of our trip included a visit to a tobacco farm. As the farmer explained his process for trying leaves, a painted bunting new to captivity frantically flitting around the cage looking for an escape. We also passed a mocking bird which sat with its foot tucked, a relaxed posture. It had seemed to accept its place in a cage. The farm was huge and there were several other buntings in cages.

A caged mocking bird and caged painted bunting on a tobacco farm in Cuba.

I took our cultural guide aside and said, "Look, if you are going to bring birders here, you should maybe tell the farmer to at least hide his illegal birds."

She looked surprised and I explained that even in Cuba, buntings were not allowed as pets. I also explained that while our group was chill, some birding groups would raise a big fuss and get angry at seeing that. Our guide marched right up to the farmer and started yelling at him. He smiled, answered her and walked away.

"What did you tell him," I asked.

"I told him that birds do not belong in cages and he needs to let them go," she said angrily.

"What did he answer," I asked.

"He said how can he see them otherwise," she replied.

Painted bunting.

Indeed, how could he? The concept of watching birds in the wild as well owning binoculars and spotting scopes is not a thing in Cuba--yet. And when the painted bunting are there, they are secretive, hidden in grasses feeding. Not the flashy bird on a perch singing his beautiful song.

That night at the bar we were having drinks with our ornithologist guide Hiram. We were discussing all the illegal birds and in cages. I mentioned how it was clear from the bunting's frantic hopping in the cage that it was a recent capture, but the mockingbird had clearly accepted its captivity. It seemed very relaxed and even at one point tucked its foot--something birds do when completely relaxed.

The Cuban trogon cannot be caged.

Hiram said that it's custom to take mockingbirds from the nest when they are young and then teach them the Cuban anthem making them a beloved bird. The Cuban people love their birds. They want them nearby and singing all the time. Hiram also mentioned that people have tried caging the Cuban trogon and it dies in captivity...which is why it's so beloved and a national symbol. Like the Cuban people it cannot be contained. It prefers death to life in captivity.

These are not problems I can fix. People love birds. Sometimes that translates into living conditions that aren't the best for the birds. This is not a problem that can be fixed today, next week or even next year. Maybe over time with some education this might be minimized. But for the current time many of the bird species we know face odds and dangers we can't imagine.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again, there is nothing like seeing parrots and parakeets live and function in the wild--especially if you have ever been crazy enough to share your life with one in your home. Their bright colors, incredible brain and ability to mimic often overcomes our good sense to not have one in your home because of their destructive tendencies and incredibly loud, screechy calls. But seeing that all come together as a means to find food and shelter in their environment is such a beautiful thing, especially when we see recognizable human behaviors.

Allopreening parakeets.

So it was quite the treat when our guide got us on a flock of Cuban parakeets in the general neighborhood of our hotel. It was getting close to noon and the light wasn't great. Our group struggled to get the birds in the dappled canopy. I gave up on getting a "magic shot" and thought I'd just find a bird or two and get some bird behavior shots and video...and boy howdy did I. The above pair started by sitting side by side and preening their own feathers. Then as pairs frequently do, they started allopreening or grooming each other's feathers. This can be a way to woo a new partner and once your partnership is solidified, it's a way to reinforce the pair bond...then things got weird. The birds soon went from, "Here, let me nibble that hard to reach part of your face..." to "let's get busy."

Yep. That is indeed what it looks like. And it went on for several minutes.

Then one bird flipped around on the perch (I refer to that one as Bird A) and started preening the vent and cloaca area of Bird B. The other bird followed suit. This went on for several minutes. Having the brain of a 15 year old, I was delighted by this turn of events. They kept macking on those areas for so long, this was no longer about, "Let me just clean up the feathers in this area for you" but more like, "Wow, this feels great, don't stop, for the love of all things holy, YES!"

There's something about psittacines (parrot order) that really appears to have a thing for sexual pleasure, beyond just the cloacal kiss for mating you see in most wild birds. When our cockatiel was alive, masturbation was an important daily ritual...and he would take his own sweet time about rubbing his cloaca on his chosen item all while huffing and puffing and squeaking. I especially found it amusing when his favorite area was next to a mirror and he clearly watched himself at the same time. Was it another bird in his mind, or was he watching himself? Who knows, but he had a great time.

After several minutes of 69ing each other, Bird B had enough and tried to go back to preening other areas of Bird A. However, Bird A was having none of it and kept thrusting it's cloaca in Bird B's face.

"Pardon me, I'm not done."

"No seriously. You need to get in there and finish that."

And they went back to it for another five minutes and then Bird B clearly had enough and flew off to another perch to forage in the trees.

Birds, man. Always keeping things in the field interesting. Here's some video of the allopreening...and beyond.

I never imagined I would need to make a statement like that, but when the leader of your country says words and supports groups that blatantly are, I feel I need to make sure people know this. Especially the many friends I’ve made all over the world.

The chestnut-sided warbler migrates to the United States to raise their chicks, then heads to "shithole" countries like Haiti and El Salvador every year.

I hesitated to put this up because I was worried about starting a political argument in the blog, something I try to avoid. And then I thought…since when is stating clearly that you believe in equality for all people a political statement?

Countries, like people are complex AF. They can show unknown beauty, teach you things that cannot be learned in a book or classroom, they can bring you unimaginable joy and they can make you irrationally angry. They can also break your heart.

I’ve been in countries that I’m sure the current President of the United States would term “shitholes.” Though I have not been to the countries he specifically stated were "shitholes" many of the countries I've been to share some particular characteristics with his list: people of color and for some, extremely poor living conditions. I generally like to keep things neutral in the blog because I want to focus on birds and wildlife and I think no matter how much we disagree with each other politically, we can find commonality in nature. In the past when I see things I struggle with while out birding, I tend to leave that as a story I only tell friends over dinners and drinks. I think I need to stop that.

For example, Honduras was one of the most beautiful countries I’ve ever been too. I loved the people I met, the terrain was breathtaking (literally and metaphorically) and the birds were outstanding. However, the poverty was overwhelming. Every animal I saw was emaciated. You could see the rib cages of dogs, horses, cows—even pigs. Imagine that, my fellow US citizens, pigs so thin you could see their ribs.

While I would stay in my cozy lodges where my daily choice was bird watching, a massage, reading in a hammock, writing, sketching, or snorkeling, some families around us were living in shacks with tarp roofs struggling to survive. Children were out there who couldn't go school because they were needed to go through the streets and search garbage bins to find scraps to sell or eat just so their family can survive. Yes it can be argued that the tourism dollars I bring with me helps, but will it help the individuals I saw? Highly unlikely.

And this is not the only country that has that kind of “shithole” existence going on. Perhaps you’re thinking I might next bring up Cuba or Guatemala living conditions I witnessed. Nope. I’ve seen similar shithole existences right here in the United States. I saw it right in our capital of Washington, DC last October—people living in tents around monuments or within site of the White House itself. I see it daily in Minnesota. Right now, someone is living in a tent on property adjacent to my apartment building’s complex. The current temperature outside as I write this is -13 degrees Fahrenheit. He is a white male living in that tent in the United States.

If you’re reading this and you voted for Trump, I don’t care what policy or tax break or health plan you thought he would fix for you. Can’t we agree that this overtly racist attitude is intolerable, unacceptable and a total embarrassment? And if you think it’s ok, I would encourage you to book a trip somewhere out of your comfort zone. Learn more about the countries you don’t understand. Most people aren't out to "get us." They want a little piece of stability to spend time with family and friends and pursue their happiness.

The thing that’s incredibly frustrating for me is that the news gets overwhelmed with these immature comments and we are missing actual changes that affect us all right now: Santa Ana National Wildlife Refuge could be taken from us for a useless border wall that is for show and not action. The Eminent Domain process was ignored on private property when the federal government started work on the wall on private property owned by the National Butterfly Center in Texas. The Migratory Bird Treaty Act has been relaxed a bit so killing birds for construction is ok. The Bundy family who tried to take federal land away from the US people by high jacking Malheur National Wildlife Refuge is free because federal prosecutors botched their case. As of today the federal government is about week away from a shutdown…something that almost happened right before Christmas. The government was less than 48 hours from a shutdown but no one noticed because, “Oh hey, the president said something insane again.”

So, in case it wasn't obvious...I'm not a racist and I don't think any of what is going on right now is ok. And as I struggle with daily outrage fatigue, the thing that is getting me through this is watching birds. And Jameson.

One of the places I was most excited about visiting in Cuba was Cueva de los Portales in La Guira National Park. This was the headquarters of the Western Army and the hideout of Che Guevara during the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. I was curious to see something that I'd read about so much in school. This is also the spot to get Cuban solitaire. I have fallen head over heals in love with the solitaire family, their songs are haunting. I can send you to Xeno Canto so you listen to them, but computer speakers are a poor comparison to the real thing. If you do go there, put in your headphones at least. The true solitaire song in the wild echoes off the sides of mountains and sounds other wordly. So far Brown-backed solitaire is my favorite bird song ever, but I was very curious to hear how the Cuban solitaire sounds different.

The Cuban solitaire did not disappoint. As we explored this beautiful cave and heard the patter of rain and the chittering of bats that haunting song bounced off of the cave walls. I could have sat and listened for the entire day.

Inside Che Guevara's cave which was also loaded with bats and swallows.

The cave is definitely worth exploring, but if you go in with cameras (or spotting scopes and binoculars) you will be charged a "camera fee." Make sure to have Cuban Convertible Pesos handy.

The Cuban solitaire was not easy to see, but I was more interested in listening to it.

American kestrels are very pale in Cuba.

La Guira National Park is a good spot to see yellow-headed warbler too.

If you travel into Central America enough, it is inevitable you will experience an ant hatch...in your hotel. Previously, I wrote about experiencing an ant hatch that happened in my room at Panacam Lodge in Honduras (this is not a knock against that lodge, this is just part of life in the tropics). Hotel Islazul Mirador (also called Hotel Islazul San Diego de los Banos) was our base for this stretch of our trip because it was near the cave. Most of the occupants at the hotel appeared to be residents enjoying some weekend fun. Two of the men on our trip took a stroll outside the hotel and within a few blocks met a local teacher who gave them a tour of the town. He had started a personal library for the town from books he collected from foreigners. Incidentally, if you wanted to take something to Cuba for the people, I highly recommend bringing along copies of your favorite books to read in Spanish and leaving them behind.

I shared a room with my friend Sue and the morning routine was that I would wake up first and as I moved around, Sue would gradually wake up. One morning I woke and went into our bathroom. As I was gradually gaining consciousness, I heard a clicking sound. I looked down and noticed a large insect crawling under the door into the bathroom. Then a second. When both were inside, they fluttered their wings and made the clicking sound..."Oh no," I suddenly realized: ant hatch.

Winged ants crawling around the bathroom.

I brain sprang into action, I didn't have ants on me so the hatch must have just started. I needed to close up our suitcases so we wouldn't have them in our clothes. I needed to wake Sue but not panic her. I stepped out of the bathroom and noted a few more ants on the floor.

"Sue," I said in steady but firm voice. "Sue, you need to get up and close your suitcases. I need to turn on the lights."

I flipped on the lights to see where the ants were coming out. I looked for any kind of gap along the ceiling and walls. I couldn't see ants. Sue was getting out of bed and thought our room was flooding in her half awake state. I was trying to carefully explain the hatch because I wasn't sure how she would feel about thousands of large, winged ants crawling all over us. There were some more winged ants on the floor and then I noticed the clicking sound was louder just outside our room door. I realized with some relief that it wasn't in the room, but outside. When I turned on the bathroom lights, that must have gotten their attention and the ants were crawling from under our room door and a gap from our shutters. What a relief that it wasn't inside!

I turned off the lights in our room and decided to take a peak outside.

The light just outside our room was out so we didn't have that many ants outside of our door. However, walking down the corridor you could see that our neighbors' rooms were all covered in dying ants that were attracted to their lights. It had been raining most of the day before. When the rains stopped, queens hatched to go on their mating flights with males. After the mating the wings on the queen fall off and she goes to start a new colony. But all of these ants got distracted by the lights and spent all their energy around it, exhausting themselves. As morning was approaching they were dying and their wings were falling off.

I wondered about people coming out of their room barefoot to have coffee, only to step in and slide through ant guts. I went back to my room to finish prepping for the day's adventures grateful to not be dealing with ants in our room.

When I headed down to breakfast the sun was bright and the dead ants looked quite beautiful in the light. While we were eating, the hotel staff went through and swept them away. I looked down at the pool and it was a different story. A layer of drowned ants covered the surface. The pool boy would have his work cut out for him this morning.

Jellied papaya...with cheese.

One of the specialties our cultural guide Claudia told us to try at the hotel was jellied papaya. If you think papaya is ok but could do with more sugar then this is right up your ally! It was far too sweet for me but it was an interesting flavor. Make sure to give it a try.

After some fun times and barely birding in Old Havana, we met up with our main guide in Cuba, Hiram Gonzalez (pronounced "ear rahm" not they way we say Hiram in the US). Hiram is quite possibly one of the last people to see an ivory-billed woodpecker alive in Cuba. He's an ornithologist who specializes in endangered species on the island. If Zapata wren is your goal--he's the one you want to know to see one.

He's also one of the most colorful guides I've ever gone with. How often do you go out with a guide who points to your endemic lifer with his half finished cigarette? He speaks very good English with a heavy accent. It took me a minute to figure out that "janky bird" was giant kingbird. At night, he'd join us at the bar and school us in birds and the better rums. But he was always so excited to show us his birds which I'm sure he'd seen more times than I've seen a cardinal. Ever time he would exclaim, while wildly flailing his cigarette, "Look AT dat!!!"

Male Cuban martin.

We headed towards Las Terrazas to a plantation to get some of those Cuban endemics we'd been reading about so much. On the way we stopped for gas and got a lifer: Cuban martin. We had martins zooming over the roof of our hotel. Even though it was April, I wasn't sure if there still might be some male purple martins on the island and it's impossible to tell male purple martins from male Cuban martins. But at the gas station there was no doubt.

Female Cuban martin in a nest cavity, check out the wasp nest above her head.

Unlike purple martins, Cuban martins nest in holes in buildings--not the houses and colonies people in the United States have trained martins to use. These martins were using any hole or gap in the gas station. Cuba is know for several species that are endemic--spend their entire lives on the island. But martins fly away in winter and only breed here so their considered a breeding endemic. Kind of the way golden-winged warblers would be considered a breeding endemic to the North America.

We continued our journey and at the first stop in Las Terrazas, it was the "holy-shit-new-birds-everywhere" sensory overload time. That lovely point where you are afraid to focus on just one bird because you might not see the other new bird right behind you ever again. Many of the endemics we saw on the first stop ended up being birds we would see almost every day like Cuban trogon, Cuban tody and Cuban green woodpecker...getting actual photographs of them was another story.

Our very first bird was the Cuban national bird, the Tocororo or Cuban trogon. As we were watching Cuban oriole and Cuban green woodpecker flew over--to a nest.

Cuban green woodpecker.

The farm to see grassquits!

Clouds and mist moved in as well giving things a mysterious air. After our initial stop we headed to a nearby plantation where they were setting up to feed their chickens. However, domestic fowl are not the only birds to see. This is the spot to get cracker jack looks at grassquits.

Cuban grassquit.

I could show you images of grassquits but it's far more fun to watch video of them happing around. There were far more yellow-faced grassquits than Cuban grassquits but we got ample looks at both. These are now considered to be part of the tanager family and are related to Darwin finches.

I tried to get a picture of Flat Michelle with the grassquits, but they were having none of it.

This post was updated December 19, 2017 when I noticed many of the photos were gone after transferring the blog from Wordpress to SquareSpace. I also updated some of the text. It was originally two posts and now I've condensed it to one.

This particular toy at the top of this post is a replica of a horned guan. You can get them from knock-off Kinder Eggs called Yowies—which for whatever reason are legal in the US. I was going to just buy the eggs until I got my guan, but the chocolate is nasty. Rather than going the traditional route of purchasing several inedible eggs, I found someone on eBay who already had the guan and for the price of one Yowie egg I had the guan sent directly to my home. To people who say this is cheating...I say, "Bite me."

A horned guan is one of the rarest birds in the Americas. Imagine a black and white bird the size of a turkey that has a bright red horn on its head that lives in the trees on the side of a volcano. Even if there weren’t only 600 or so of these birds left in the world, they're are still an amazing sight.

If I truly understood what was ahead of me to see a guan, I don't know that I would have gone for it. There were tales from some of my buddies on the bird festival circuit that it was a horrific climb. I had heard of well-known, great birders, who I considered to be physically fit, having to crawl that last part of the trail just to see. Here's Julie Zickefoose on NPR and on her blog or Bill of the Birds on his horned guan search. I think a part of me thought that was just a bit of exaggeration--birders have their fish stories too.

The hike up Volcan San Pedro was saved for one of our final days of birding in Guatemala. Our group had been mentioning it to each other, "Do you think you're going to be able to do it?" or "Sharon, do you really think you can take your scope up the volcano, I'd leave it here."

I heard that previous male birders had brought their scopes, so I thought that I should be able to do it too. I didn't get very scared until the day before. I had found some wifi at our lodge in Los Andes and put up a status update on Facebook: Sharon is nervous about tomorrow's climb up the Volcano to see the horned guan. I got a comment from Chris Benesh who works for Field Guides--travels all over the world to show people birds. He was also on the same Ivory-bill Search Team I was on. I considered to him to be very physically fit. He left a comment to the effect of the climb being the toughest he had ever done, it was brutal, but the got the guan.

Okay, if Chris called it brutal, maybe those stories of birders panting and crawling to the top weren't just exaggerated fish tales. I decided to be all Scarlett O'Hara about it and, "I'll not think about that right now, I'll go crazy if I do. I'll think about that tomorrow."

We had one more field trip planned at Los Andes to look for some mannikans, I opted to take the afternoon off, relax a bit so I could be fresh the next morning. The next day was a rough schedule. We had to be ready to go by 4:15 am, take a bus to Lake Atitlan where we would take a ferry to San Pedro for the climb. The hike up to the guan was going to take four hours, who knew how long the hike down would take.

Gulp.

Initially, all went well. We arrived at Lake Atitlan and watched in amazement at how the locals used the water. As we were loading our ferry, one man drove in his tuk tuk (tiny taxi car) into the water for a wash, another drove in his truck, a couple of people were bathing in the nude right on the water's edge.

Volcan San Pedro...were we really going to climb that?

We boarded boat, marveled at the beautiful volcanoes that surrounded the lake and laughed as the cool water sprayed us as we hit waves. Outside the boat we looked to pad our species list with lesser scaup, brown pelicans, and ruddy ducks. As we approached the other side of the lake, we watched in amazement as Volcan San Pedro loomed over us. Yes, we would be climbing this extinct volcano. Hugo, our guide tried to alleviate our fears since many of us were not accustomed to this altitude. In his quiet, spanish accent he said, "Yes, we will go slow. It will be slow, slow walking, then looking at birds, slow, slow walking, then looking at birds."

I felt some comfort in this. Perhaps the four hours was not all climbing but just such a slow pace of birding that it would seem steep, but not be that bad.

When we landed in San Pedro, I saw more tourists here than in any other town. Peddlers were ready for us, a Mayan woman greeted us with a basket full of baked goods. I looked at the steep streets in front of us and wondered if we were going to start right away, but our local guides and hosts Irene and Ana Christina said that a bus was coming to take us.

Our "bus" was a pick up truck and they ended up corralling ten birders like livestock in the back to take us up to the horned guan preserve.

I love this photo. We’re all so happy, so giddy, so blissfully unaware of the horrors and sweat that awaited us. That’s me with Mike Bergin of 10,000 Birds, Jen Sauter, Hugo our guide and even a part of Rick Wright. It was all just an exciting adventure then.

This poor guys was carrying what appeared to be recently washed blankets up a steep road.

We began our drive through the narrow cobblestone streets of San Pedro, up and up we went. We passed many locals taking the route on foot, many carrying piles of goods on their backs. What is it like to be acclimatized to this?

We arrived at the reserve for the horned guan. We readjusted our packs with our lunches and our bottles of water and began the trail. The day was sunny, the birds were numerous and we made some stops.

We found a spot loaded with western tanagers (more of those North American breeders). I was excited to get the rufous-capped warbler. I had actually seen one of these earlier in our journey, but was the only one who had. I was glad others got to see it and this time I even got to digiscope it. We also got great looks at this ginormous squirrel cuckoo—it was much bigger than the black-billed and yellow-billed cuckoos I see. And so beautiful too—reminiscent of a brown thrasher.

Rufous-capped warbler.

As we stopped for all of this birding, I started to think, “This isn’t so bad.” I have short legs and I was not used to the elevation but was doing ok. I did lag behind the group but always managed to catch up with enough time to rest along with them before pressing forward. I felt that I could do this.

The relentless trail to the guan...five hours of this nonsense.

But then we didn’t stop for birds anymore and the trails became much steeper. It was switchback after switchback. It was dry and the volcanic dust made for powdery walking conditions. I toiled up the trail and as my pace slowed, the sound of our group ahead became more and more faint, I realized I was losing ground. There was another person named Mel in our group who seemed to struggle with the climb along with me. I was grateful for the company and to not to be the pokiest of the little puppies.

This guy booked it past me like the switch backs were nothing.

Local farmers loaded with burdens of fire wood, corn or coffee moved swiftly passed us on the trail. Many looked to be twice my age which made me feel worse. I bike ride, I lead nature hikes, I haul bee equipment and this trail was turning my legs to jelly. It was relentless in its incline. I was desperate for a flat surface. The high elevation and lack of oxygen didn’t help either. Life in Minnesota rarely exceeds 850 feet. The trail starts at about 5000 feet and has a change of over 4000 feet.

The gorgeous views on the climb.

After much sweat and panting my slow friend and I caught up to the group at another resting spot. I hoped that we were half way up and was saddened to learn that we were only a third of the way, with another three hours to go. It was at this moment that Gustavo from Neblina Tours told me , “I’m having trouble staying balanced on this steep trail. Would it be alright with you if I took your scope and used it as a way to balance myself on the trail?”

One of our guides Hugo on the left. Gustavo on the right holding my scope...note how much equipment he was carrying besides my scope.

It was lie. He carried more on this trip than I did: he had two massive field guides besides his binoculars, lunch, water, recording equipment, etc. I knew it was a lie and I was too sweaty and tired to care. I gratefully accepted his offer and continued my slow lumbering walk up the trail.

We eventually made it to a halfway point. I sat on the floor of the observation deck and used the wooden railing to prop my head up and looked out at the beautiful view. I was seriously questioning my life choices. I was not forced to do this, I signed up--willingly. What’s worse is that I could have stopped at any time. I could have just stopped walking on the trail and said, “No more, I’ll wait here in the shade, watch some foliage-gleaners and pepper-shrikes and wait for you on your glory walk down the trail after seeing the guan.” One of our group already had given up the trail due to a bad knee. It was the honorable and safe thing to do. But I willingly continued. Quitting this steep upward battle was never an option to me.

I looked at our group and said panting, “This is like hitting yourself with a hammer because it feels so good when you finally stop.”

We laughed and Hugo warned that we should probably save our oxygen.

Jen soon joined Mel and I as those lagging behind now and two of us practically held on to each other to stay upright. Ana Christina from the tourism board sensed our waning resolve and anytime we paused she would call in her sweet Spanish accent, “Jen, Sharon, come on, the horned guan is right up here.”

We fell for it once and scrambled up, but realized she was really a cloud forest sprite beckoning us forward. It worked. At every switchback we would pause to try and get some order to our respiratory system, Ana Christina would be another switchback ahead of us calling, “C’mon Jen. C’mon Sharon, horned guan is waiting for you.”

We finally reached the horned guan appropriate elevation. I sat in the dust. Gustavo smiled and pointed out how dirty my face was. Fuck you, Gustavo. Part of our group rested, while the rest did an initial search.

The exact moment I realized I hated birds and that I may need psychological help.

I took a picture of myself at this point. I wanted to remember forever the exact moment I realized how much I hated birds and that I needed psychological help. What the fuck was wrong with me. I had heard how horrible it was and I kept going, for what? For the high of seeing one rare bird.

No guan. We needed to go higher. Fuck everything.

We paused once more. Optimism was fading in the group. A few still held out some sweaty hope, but the rest of worried that we’d been talking too much or paying more attention to our body and foot aches and completely missed the turkey sized tree chicken that was our quarry. One guy even said, “You know, we could go all this way and not see it.”

This was the first time in my life I ever felt the deep, gutteral desire to throat punch someone.

Then an anxious whisper came from above us, some crazy asshole in our group was still climbing and went two switch backs up…and found the guan. All of us suddenly forgot body fatigue and dashed up the switchback—where had this new-found energy come from?

Horned guan foot.

The light broke through the trees and…all I could see was a bird foot. Fuck you, bird. I was going to count it, but if this was all I’m going to get of you. Fuck you.

Finally, a little head poked out. I saw the horn, the little red horn where the guan gets its name! And the crazy yellow eye! At first we thought there was one guan, but there were two…and then a whole flock of about 7—they vocalized, they displayed, they flew! My little head exploded in awe as I realized I was watching what is arguably the most endangered bird in the Americas.

Horned guan in all its crazy glory. Alas, this was back when I was digiscoping with a point and shoot. Oh the photos I could get now with a smartphone.

And after all of that, we had to go back down! Certainly it would not take the five hours that it took to get up to the guan, but it would still take time. My legs are only used to flat surfaced and had been trudging uphill for four hours non stop. And now I had to go down, something I still wasn't used to. Every muscle in my legs vibrated at any moment I stopped. I kept going, but the decline and volcanic ash still caused me to slide and fall. Every time I did fall, a large cloud of dust preceded me, causing Hugo to cross his arms and shout, "Safe!" as if I were a baseball player sliding into home. Fuck you, Hugo.

Some way, some how we made it back down the trail to our meeting point, our water bottles depleted. Ana Christina took us to a local watering hole for some refreshments to wait for the ferry. In our dehydrated state, we should of have had water, but it wasn’t safe for the American to drink so our only option was beer. Giddiness soon set in with most of us, especially for me--I NEVER HAVE TO DO THAT CLIMB EVER AGAIN. It occurred to me that a horned guan is a bird that I will only see once in a lifetime and I had a pang of pity for guys like Hugo and Mel who would have to lead a tour here again and take people up that volcano. Those poor god damned bastards.

One of the many Mayan ladies who sensed our fatigue and tipsiness and used the opportunity to relieve us of many quetzals in exchange for their exquisite and colorful textiles.

We finally crossed the lake and checked into our next lodge. I took a very long shower with my scope and binoculars to clean off all of the volcanic dust. By the time we were settled and clean it was 8:30pm when we sat down for dinner of squash soup, homemade tortas, fruity drinks and rich dark Guatemalan run.

I've only ever seen this hot sauce in Guatemala. It was as tasty as it was hilarious.

We discussed the next day's birding. After getting our stuff together at 4:15am that morning and birding almost 12 hours, I was delighted to hear that we were meeting at 7am for breakfast before birding (we'd get to sleep in).

Mel said in a panicked voice, "Hey that means we won't get birding until 8 - 8:30 am, anyone for starting earlier?"

Goddamn lister was already on the quest for more birds.

Hugo our guide said, "Well, it's whatever you want..."

There was a pause, I could tell by some in the group that they needed the rest as much as I did but didn’t want to look like the weenie and say no. I myself have no problem saying no.

"I gotta say that I'm not in favor of that idea and would rather sleep in and rest after today."

Mel looked disappointed, but I felt a palpable wave of relief come across the table from everyone.

So I look down on my little plastic horned guan that ordered from eBay, I think you can understand why I don't think it's cheating to go through loads of technically edible chocolate to get my little souvenir of the day I realized my limits in birding.