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Author
Topic: Cant Move on (Read 3041 times)

Hi, Firstly I'd just like to say you guys are simply incredible to be giving all the advise and time to WW like me... may god bless you one and all. Ok on to my situation, at the beginning of April this year I engaged in unprotected oral (giving) with a guy of unknown status, we were in a shower at the gym, this encounter lasted a few minutes at best before guilt overtook me and I realised I should not be doing this.....I stopped it from going any further. (this was the first time I have ever tried anything like this) He did not ejaculate in my mouth and I did not taste any pre cum (maybe because of the water from the shower washed it off) The problem is I had bitten the inside of my lower lip the night before and so had a fresh cut and my gums bleed alot when I brush) After a few days the paranoia and stress of the possibility of hiv infection set in and I started getting extremely anxious. I also later found out that this guy is very promiscuous and has had unprotected anal with many guys. I never saw him again to confirm his hiv status. About a week later I just could not handle it anymore and so confessed to my wife we worked through the next 9 weeks together (obviously very stressed) and then I had a HIV test done (10 weeks) came back negative as well as a screening for all the other std's all came back clear and was advised by the health clinic that with the sensitivity of the current tests used here in Australia I could take it as a definitive result. I resumed relations with my wife but a few days later she got a vaginal yeast infection, as you can imagine this set my stress level off again. Going by everything I read on this site and the body.com I decided to have another test at the 14 week mark (came back negative) at this point I was again told I do not hav HIV. The clinic refused to do any further testing and referred me to a counselor to address my anxiety and are adamant that I can continue relations with my wife however I feel like I'm playing Russian roulette every time I'm with her, in this past month I continue to feel nausea, dizziness, fatigue, and have lost about 3kg in weight but still the counselor and the clinic and my doctor say it's all anxiety/stress related and there is no need for any further testing and flatly refuse to test me again. Its been approx 4.5 months now, What I cannot understand is why are there some people who are told to test out to 6 months and yet I'm being told my 3 months is conclusive and I can even continue relations with my wife!!... I'm just so confused, worried and nobody wants to listen to my fear. I would really appreciate your guys advise and opinion on this whole situation. I really need to move on but no matter how hard I try I just cannot and now I'm at the point of my relationship being ruined, my work is not being done as I cannot face each day fearing that I may be infected and may have infected my partner as well. Life has just come to a stand still for me.

You've reliably tested negative. You are not infected and you can't give anyone anything you don't have. The six month rule is for Transplant patients on anti-rejection drugs. Chronic IV drug users, Persons on chemo and people with depressed immune systems. All others are 12/13 weeks depending on where you live.

The bottom line here is that you have conclusively tested negative for hiv.

It's very rare for a person to become infected through giving a blowjob and even rarer when ejaculation did not take place in the mouth. You've been worrying over nothing from day one. Did you know that hiv isn't a punishment for those who engage in same-sex behaviour? It's just a virus that has very specific ways of being successfully transmitted and what you did is NOT one of those ways.

If you cannot accept that hiv isn't a punishment and you haven't been infected, please seek the assistance of a mental health care professional to help you deal with your feelings of guilt. We cannot do that for you here.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I appreciate what you are saying it's just that I am so confused about the testing times because on the one token the health clinic I attended is saying my 14 week test is conclusive but at the same time suggested that if the risk was greater and the person I was with was known to be positive then testing out to 6 months is recommended... so surely if there is any risk present and if the status of the person is unknown (like in my situation) then the same rule should apply.(yet in my case they said I do not have HIV and can continue relations with my wife) Am I just being paranoid or is there any validity in my statement?... I have also noticed in the body forum Dr Bob has at times recommended testing out to 6 months in some cases but then again says 13 weeks is definitive. I'm sorry guys but my head is in a spin here and I'm just so scared that I have ruined my partners life as well. I just don't know what to do....

Oral, your clinic was mistaken. The CDC is very conservative with regard the issue of HIV testing. They have for sometime recommended 13 weeks as a reliable testing point with the exception of those who are HIV drug users or someone with a severely depleted immune system due to treatment for cancer or such. And if you had a severely depleted immune system you would know it because it's not a subtle event.

So you have reliably tested negative for your incident, which was very, very low risk to begin with.

I suspect your lingering anxiety is more about the nature of the event itself and the emotional aftermath. Certainly you have no basis in HIV science for any further concern as far as HIV nor is there any need for further testing.

As with anything, you will only get out of, what you put into. Counseling is no different, You have to WANT the help, and be WILLING to go to any lengths to approach it with an honest mouth, an open mind, and a forgiving heart. No one can do this for you, the tools can be provided, but if you dont pick them up and use them, they wont work.

Thanks for your responses guys, I hear what you are saying, but I guess it's going to be really hard to continue because of all the debate about 3 month and 6 month testing and different opinions I just somehow cannot come to terms with the testing period. also with the risk factor I know you all maintain fellatio is a minimal risk but just to make my point about getting confused about issues have a look at the reply I got from Ann. She says it is very RARE to get infected by a blowjob (but not risk free right) then she goes on to say there are specific ways that hiv is successfully transmitted and what I did is NOT one of those ways. (so the question is is oral a risk or not) you see what I'm saying where two schools of thought are past on in a few sentences and this is all that concerns me . Hey by the way Ann not taking anything away from you I think your an angel to be giving your time and advise to all out there I'm just trying to make my point of why I'm so confused. Have you guys ever heard of or come across someone in this forum who tested negative at 12/13 weeks and later got a positive result?. God bless you all for your efforts I really mean that and thanks for being there to be able to talk to and ask these questions.

This all comes down (again!) to anecdotal versus scientific first peer reviewed studies.

Studies like romero et al have shown not one single infection because of unprotected oral and protected sex with one HIV infected individual and one HIV negative individual (giving and receiving). All together, during that studies a couple of thousands times fellatio or cunnilingus have been performed with not one single infection because of that.

I believe many of the anecdotal stories have to do with the stigma of penetrative sex compared to oral sex (just remember Clintion when he was saying that oral sex is not sex as such...).

I am not saying giving oral is completely and absolutely without risk (in fact nothing is without risk), I guess what I am saying is, that peer reviewed studies over several years with people on HIV meds and without HIV meds, with high viral loads and undetectable viral loads, havenīt shown any infections by performing or receiving oral.

Your very low (in fact questionable) risk combined with your 14 weeks negative result (when in fact the very majority of people seroconvert by 6 WEEKS) equals a proper negative for HIV. Even if youīve had a very high risk (which you didnīt) your 3 months test would still be valid.

If you still have doubts I would advise counseling, if you still have symptoms speak with your health care provider. One thing is sure: Itīs not HIV. You have excluded it by several tests.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Hi All,I've managed to go for a week now trying to forget about this and take my 14 week test as conclusive, but now my partner has broken into a very itchy rash on her body from the stomach going all the way up to her face is this anyithing to do with the ARS symptoms that I have read about and it's been 18 weeks since my incident so can this be a late seroconversion??... I have also been having night sweats for a few days and terrible lower back pain.I am paralysed with fear right now and don't know what to think anymore. My councellor still refuses to test me again and says I should get over it. I just don't think this is fair as I need to know for sure if it is hiv or not....

You should listen to your counselor. An itchy rash is not an ARS symptom. You have tested reliably HIV negative.

I am not at all certain what purpose this forum can serve to you at this point. We have given you the risk assessment. This will not change, regardless of symptoms you or your partner experience.

I sincerely hope you find peace.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."