Friday, February 07, 2014

Don't be strong!

People mean well when they say to "be strong." But there may be a time and place when it may be better to say, "You've been so strong for so long that it is ok not to be strong right now."

Some of us are very good at appearing strong at all times. The strong-appearing people are probably the ones to whom we say, "Be strong!" when times are tough, but those are instead maybe the very people to whom we should say the latter. Maybe they are the ones who actually need to be a little "weak" every now and then. Strong people are good at being strong. What they are not good at is being not strong.

So, maybe it would be more helpful for some people at some times to have their friend's or loved one's "permission" to be a little "weak" for awhile. Or maybe they could even use the encouragement for it, at least until their "strength" comes back.

Tonia﻿'s friend recently posted a saying about being "resilient." I really like that word! Having resilience is so much more important than strength, isn't it? Because frankly, sometimes we simply are not strong, physically, mentally. And sometimes we are "weak," physically, mentally. And that's ok. Not one of us can be strong all the time especially when times are hard.

But even when we are weak, we can still be resilient.

I always see the good in someone saying "be strong." They are offering comfort and hope. But it is my hope that when I get tired of being strong, I can be weak enough to say so, and that my loved ones and friends will not remind me to be strong. I hope instead my loved ones and friends will tell me that it's ok to not be strong. I hope they remind me that I can be "weak" and resilient at the same time, and that resilience is the more important of the two.

7 comments:

When my best friend was dealing with breast cancer, people kept telling her to be strong and that she is so strong, she can handle anything. She's like, "no I'm not and I don't want to be strong". She wanted "permission" to express how she felt. When people are saying "be strong", they are just trying to be encouraging but like you said, sometimes we just want to be weak and vulnerable and say what we really feel. Great post.

Resilience in everything Lisa, yes! We grow through all our experiences and gain strength but vulnerability is what makes us human and ultimately helps us see things most clearly I believe. Great post :)

About Me

I am an ultra runner, physician and have been medical director of some of the toughest ultras. I tend to be a mover and a shaker and louder than my size suggests. However, my Gemini twin is gentler and contemplative, an artist, a writer, and a poet. I am a dog lover, a believer in souls, and have a special affinity for those who struggle because I have been there.

This is my crazy lovable huggable Weimaraner, Steely Dan. I call him Steely. He left us in January of this year at only 6 years from lymphoma that did not respond to chemotherapy treatments. Steely was a total goof. He loved trail running, road running, treadmill running, new experiences, making eye contact, sleeping on his back, me, kids, and liver treats. He was Zappa's best friend. We miss him dearly.

This is Stella. A rescue from the shelter. She's about 6 months old and a Border Collie. She is a joyous bundle of energy and curiosity and now also Zappa best friend. She will make a nice running partner when she grows up.

This is the now the big brother of my family - a rescued Greyhound. His name is Frank Zappa. I call him Zappa. He's 7 years old and has learned all about life beyond the track and crate from Steely when he was with us. It was very rewarding to watch his personality bloom as he settled into the family. And yes, he runs like the wind!

This is Natasha, my dearest friend. She was with me through college, medical school, residency, and she moved with me from Chicago to Spokane several years ago. She was my best running partner for 10 years. My sweet Natasha died from bone cancer in 2006. I miss her still. I hung a windchimes over the deck outside. When it chimes, I smile and think she has finally -- wherever she is now -- caught a squirrel!