Disclaimer:
I don't own FF7, Square-Enix does, this is simply a parody.

Basically
the reason I'm writing this is that there are so many crack fics
with the AeriSeph pairing its getting silly.

It's
almost as popular as CloTi, and I cant for the life of me figure out
why.

He
despises her and killed her in cold blood by running a sword through
her back with a smirk on his face, and I'm pretty certain she may
be a little unhappy with him too.

She foils
every single one of his plans with Cloud's help, something I'm
guessing he wont be too happy with, and he keeps trying to ruin the
planet which I'm also pretty sure annoys her a bit.

Hell,
CloSeph is more likely, yet it is still popular for a reason I can't
even fathom.

Ah well,
who am I to complain, it gave me an idea for a quick story.

--

"Aeeeeerith."
The man with long silver hair entered the 7th Heaven bar
as he called out the name with the air of someone who knows they
sound sexy.

His
enhanced hearing heard a slight squeak of fear from someone in the
room; but his delusional mind heard it as excitement.

"So you
want me to play hide and seek with you?" With a manic grin, slit
pupils were dilated as glowing green eyes scanned the room. And after
a few seconds he caught sight of a pink ribbon sticking up from
behind the bar.

Quiet as a
cat he snuck over with a smirk, before peaking over and yelling
"Gotcha!"

The
ancient let out a shriek before scrambling from behind the bar and up
the stairs.

'How can
someone lose their mind twice!' Aerith wondered as
she hastily climbed the stairway. 'And why are we alive, we were
dead!'

As she
turned into the hallway towards Cloud's office she struck something
hard and immovable, but as she fell backwards something caught her.

"A…
Aerith?" stood with his arm around her waist and wide eyes stood
Cloud Strife, sword on his back and a package under his other arm.
"H-how?"

"It
doesn't matter!" Aerith was on the verge of a full out panic
attack "Please Cloud; hide me!"

Cloud
opened his mouth for another question; just as Sephiroth appeared at
the top of the stairs.

Before
anyone had time to blink Cloud and Sephiroth had their swords out,
but Cloud smirked; in the narrow hall were Cloud could only just use
his sword Sephiroth had gotten his long stuck in the wall.

"Cloud…"
Aerith looked pleadingly at him "Make him go away; he wants to
stick his… sword… in me."

Cloud,
naïve as ever, looked at Sephiroth in mounting rage "You want
to kill her a second time? Once not enough for you?"

Aerith
sighed, with a slight long suffering smile; calm now that Sephiroth
was playing tug of war with the wall over his sword and making little
progress.

"No,
Cloud, I mean for some reason he's got it into his mind that we
love each other!" She let out with a grossed out shudder, watching
as Cloud raised an eyebrow.

"And I
thought he didn't have any marbles left to loose." Cloud looked
at the man still pulling his sword in wonder, and a little distaste.

"We are
made for each other." Sephiroth snarled, breathing heavily as he
held onto his sword.

"Were
would you get the crazy idea what the girl you killed in cold blood,
by a sword through the gut, would love you?" Aerith had calmed down
fully and was scowling at the white haired maniac.

"There
are prophecies about us on the inter of the net." Sephiroth's
eyes glowed sinisterly "They tell of us joining forces to ruin this
world."

Both Cloud
and Aerith were hanging off of each other, trying to catch their
breath as they laughed hysterically.

"There
are so many things wrong with that I don't even know were to
start." Aerith said almost passing out through lack of oxygen.

"Not
least of which being she isn't insane and both your fondest wishes
being as opposite as you can get." Cloud muttered to himself.

"And
you're hot." Sephiroth leered at her, now using both hands on his
sword and breathing heavily.

Cloud
watched with awe as Aerith stepped forward and went on to beat
Sephiroth repeatedly over the head with her staff, which had
mysterious appeared from nowhere while repeatedly calling him a
pervert.

"I wont…
become… a-" He was cut off in mid speech as Aerith's staff
struck him right between the legs, his eyes widening and his mouth
opening in a girly shriek of agony.

As a black
wing wrapped around him and he disappeared, Cloud was still wincing.

No man
should ever have to be hit there. Even planet destroying, girlfriend
killing, psychopaths.

It just
wasn't right.

"Sooo…"
Cloud said scratching his head, unsure of what to say, "What do you
want to do?"

It was
Aerith's turn to leer at him; the naïve blonde blushing at her
look.

Cloud
grinned stupidly as re was dragged back into his office, and the door
being locked after them.

The poor
package he had been supposed to deliver was left laying on the floor…

--

Please R &
R Xan

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