There is a strange sort of unspoken theory that once a woman has been raped, sex is no longer a viable option for her. Sex has been replaced by trauma, fear, pain, and anxiety. I’m not saying this is never the case. Every survivor’s story and experience is different, but too often the assumption is that if you have been raped, you are sexually broken and forever unfixable. That sort of discourse is not healthy or empowering or even sympathetic. What I want to say is what I wish I had been told: rape is not a form of sex, it is a form of assault. Sex feels good. Assault is traumatizing. It is possible for sex to exist after rape because they are different experiences, just like it’s possible for you to still enjoy going out to eat even if you got food poisoning once. You might never go…

1) Be patient. When I was 23 I always felt this absurd need to draft quickly, edit very little, and send out the piece immediately. Just because you finished a 3,000 word story doesn’t mean you should submit it to the New Yorker an hour later. The time away from a piece of writing is time spent on the piece of writing.

2) It’s okay to not be writing. Guilt can be a motivator, sure, but when that guilt is clouding your story and ideas and generally fucking with you in a way that pushes you to write badly, it’s time to stop. I’m all for working hard and pushing through, but learn to forgive yourself and walk away sometimes. I once went an entire year without writing and it felt good.

3) Listen to editors who reject your work. Seems easy to just read a rejection and think, “fuck…