Ancient Esteemed Order of the Emeriti

The story of a secret society of elder scholars, who in 337 CE approached Constantine the Great for cash to fund pensions for future scholars, whereupon, the Emperor died laughing. Since 337 CE, the Emeriti Order has employed inventiveness and scholarly enterprise to protect Pensions and advance Disenlightenment, for they have eaten more than their fair share of fruit from the Tree of Knowledge........

Introducing the Patented Adirondack Assisted Lifting Chair™ retrofit kit. It comes with a cast aluminum seat rail assembly designed to receive wood slats as shown. It is attached by means of a heavy duty (with emphasis on the "heavy" part), piano style hinge that is installed at the front of the seat. Dual hydraulic telescoping lift arms are powered by a compact heavy-duty hydraulic pump, which has sound dampening packing and is discreetly mounted under the chair seat.

The Adirondack chair design has a low center of gravity, which serves us well by making it difficult to fall out of the chair once seated. However, this virtue is its greatest liability for users who have consumed too much Meade or who have lingered too long in the seated position to the extent that muscles no longer respond to neural impulses due to lack of properly oxygenated blood supply. In any event, and for whatever reason, this device will allow the seated user to rise with dignity.

Focus groups responded negatively to the initial designs that employed powerful springs, which unceremoniously and unpredictably tossed users at varying distances from the chair upon activation. This Adirondack Assisted Lifting Chair™ design is a refinement of the original "Adirondack Spring™" design.

Units may be purchased pre-mounted on a premium grade Adirondack chair or as a retrofit kit for standard chair designs. A catalogue is available from the Emeriti Brotherhood.

Unit designs have been scrutinized by regulatory agencies with varying results. Talk to your Doctor to see if the Adirondack Assisted Lifting Chair™ is right for you.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Diagnostic data for you and your car: "Extended Care Auto Repair™"

The Emeriti "Extended Care Auto Repair™" program provides personal biometric data for each driver in addition to mechanical and electrical automotive data required at annual auto inspection stations. Subscribers will receive a set of electrode embedded underwear and a specially configured riding helmet to be discretely worn during routine annual inspections. The 2015 models transmit readings via wireless interface, thus eliminating the confusing array of connector cables that detracted from earlier models (See Figure 1). Data includes: EKG, pulse, respiratory chemistry, epithelial saline, and other valuable data. The protocol requires the driver to sit in the front seat during the auto inspection process (books on tape are provided along with the underwear).

Fig. 2: EEG Helmet with wireless transmission

EEG Helmet
A special electrode rich helmet provides an array of vital neurological readings that are transferred to an expanded dashboard light system, providing warnings to the driver in the form of illuminated icons indicated in Fig. 3.

Extended Care Auto Repair™ is available through a conventional Auto Insurance Policy Rider. Remember, Auto Insurance is less expensive than Health Insurance. All technicians are certified by the Broad Hill Institute Center for Advanced Biomechanics, where the academic motto is:

“The Circle may be unbroken, but it cannot be squared…” (Old Emeriti Mantra)

"One can make a square into a circle, but not
the other way around."
(Illustration: Papeschr, Wikipedia Commons)

The Emeriti have always admired π’s inherent irrationality and since 337 CE, they have incorporated the symbol in manuscript illuminations and in architectural designs. The illustration shows π embedded in the pavement at the International Emeriti Headquarters courtyard in Zürich (posing as the Swiss National Museum for security purposes). Emeriti Transcendentalism emulates π. The superannuated scholars are often seen walking in circles while repetitively murmuring, "3.14159," in a barely audible lilting cadence with the aim of ignoring important task that remain undone.

Early Transcendentalism
This early transcendent behavior is the hallmark of the Emeriti, who have been known to say, "A life without π is square."

There are many irrational numbers, but π is one of a relatively small number of values that are both irrational and transcendental. In like fashion, the Emeriti transcend irrationality by focusing almost entirely on achieving Pension Enlargement, which requires the concept of an actual future.

Remember the significant words of Pythagorus, who once said: "It is difficult to get around without π."

Monday, February 24, 2014

The Placebo effect has been employed by
physicians since the dawn of civilization and includes compounds and rituals
prescribed in Shamanistic cultures, ancient Greek medical practices, and in healing
spas. The word, “Placebo,” is of Latin
origin, and literally means, "I shall please." Its antonym, “Nocebo”
means, "I shall harm." BHI
Farmaceutical Laboratories™ has developed a powerful new line of concentrated
placebo compounds that have been shown to provide longer lasting and clinically
more effective outcomes in human trial runs.

BHI SPACIBO™ Tabs

“Spacibo”
means, "I shall be thankful" (Russian, derived from Latin). Patients
receiving the BHI SPACIBO™ tabs are thankful for the Gluten free, GMO free,
organic nature of the concentrated compounds and for the enhanced effectiveness
of outcomes without experiencing any Nocebo effects. BHI is thankful for the added Pension Fund
revenue.

Note to "Retraction Watch:" As per normal BHI publishing practices, these findings are pre-retracted to avoid embarrassing and protracted public correspondence.

Emeriti Motto

Ex Plures, Parnum: "From the Many, Little"

Ancient Royal Order

The original Ancient Royal Order was, "Get off of my Land!" This Order is said to be the origin of modern Land Use Planning.

Π Ν Α Γ Φ

Π Ν Α Γ Φ, is the ancient acronym for "Pensions, Water, Air, Earth, and Fire." For centuries, the P (Π), remained silent until the Emeriti unlocked the code and solved the mystery, by once again breaking the rules of grammar.

The Five Elements

After fleeing Constantinople in April of 337 CE, the Emeriti eluded the Roman Army and settled on the island of Thassos posing as Greek Monks for the next ten years, where they studied ancient scripts, until they discovered their favorite play along with the Fifth Element: Pensions. The Pentagram and the Five Pointed Star was adopted as the official Emeriti Emblem. The pendents may be purchased for $65 each plus shipping and handling.

Emeriti G-4 LC Pin

G-4 LC Anti-Gamma Ray Pin

About Me

My post teaching years are spent advocating for public investment in public places, building and maintaining the Public Gardens of Williamsburg, MA, playing drums in the Rick Murnane Band (original pop, rock and jazz), and advancing the saga of the Ancient Esteemed Order of the Emeriti (Blog). I share retirement with my wife, Susan.