Houston has an amazing Art Car Parade each year. Its usually in the spring, and you can read more about this crazy fun event at The Art Car Parade Web Site.

For spectators who have children with challenges, there are aspects of this fun event that can be difficult. Its a crowd, its sometimes hot, there’s the occasional loud spectator (or participant), and the long line of cars trying to escape parking lots after the event can really twist the panties of even the most patient child. And if you arrive without eating first, its gonna be cranky for everyone.

The AutismHouston.com support group plans to attend this year, so I wanted to offer some hints and tips that we use to help make it a fun event for our family. These tips may not apply to everyone, pick and choose what you think works best for you.

Also, feel free to post a comment with your suggestions too!

Go early – Art Cars start lining up as early as 1 and a half hours before the official parade roll. So you can arrive before the major crowd, park close by do a walking tour of the cars parked on the street. There’s lots of folks in costumes, dancing, activities, etc. One of Alex’s favorites is the school bus covered in chalk paint. They let the kids write their names on the bus before the parade starts! BONUS: if your kiddo starts getting a little cranked, you can walk back to your car and head home without getting stuck in exiting traffic!

Eat Ahead of Time (and/or Bring Snacks) – There aren’t any stores close buy, so if Jr. gets cranky and occasionally needs a bite to help him settle, be sure and bring that with you. Depending on the weather, you might consider a bottle of water too.

Create a “Treasure Hunt” – this will help keep everyone’s attention on the cars and festivities, and hopefully distract from things that are triggers or concerns. The treasure hunt we used last year is attached to this blog post.

BONUS – You can edit the treasure hunt for your child’s age and interests.

BONUS – You can include new words so its a teaching experience for younger and non-verbal children.

NOTE – Some children may feel the list I created is too long, so you can customize it as needed!

Keep An Eye Out for Cars – While walking along the route (before the parade), keep an eye on cars. Art cars will be driving past as they enter their position. So if you hear a honk, politely move out of the way. 🙂

Go Pee Before Arriving – There will be porta-potties, but if your child doesn’t give you much notice, you may not be close enough to make it. Did I mention they were “porta-potties”? Yeah.

Careful When We Touch – Our kiddos can be very tactile and want to “experience” their surroundings with their fingers. Almost all of the car owners are happy to have kids enjoy their cars by running their fingers on the art work. But some cars may have delicate or sharp parts, and occasionally you may encounter a car owner that doesn’t want folks to touch. This is a great opportunity to teach kids how to ask “Can I touch this?”

Avoiding Loud Music – Some of the cars, especially the dance floats, will have loudspeakers with music. Typically they point the speakers toward the crowd as they pass by (the “passenger side” of the vehicle). If loud music is a trigger for your kiddo, consider walking on the opposite side of that vehicle, the “driver’s side”. This way they are on the opposite side of the speaker direction. Typically there’s only 3 or 4 of these floats out of the 100+ cars that attend.

Be Patient with Everyone – The parade participants have always been super friendly and super interesting. But there’s been a couple of times that spectators forgot their manners around my AUT son. It really sucks to hear “Move that kid out of the way!” from some fat 55 year old sitting in a fold out chair, trying to take a picture of something your child is standing next to. But there’s a jerk or two in every crowd, and its better to just move than be confrontational.

Leave Early – Last and possibly most importantly, you don’t have to stay for the parade itself. If the family has checked off enough of the Scavenger Hunt list and attention is starting to be lost, head for the car. After the parade is over, the loooong line of cars trying to exit can crank up even the most patient person (including myself, LOL).

I hope you find these hints helpful. The Art Car Parade (and the parking before hand) is a really amazing event, and can really spark interest and creativity in kids of all ages. Consider your child’s needs and try to attend at least part of the festivities!!

Joe Lippeatt is a User Experience Engineer, Front End Specialist and Application Developer for 24Moves Consulting. He is also the organizer of HoustonPhotowalks.com Photography Club. When not working, he’s enjoying planning photography trips and helping his wife and son work in their gardens.

Many people join Autism support groups such as the one my wife and I host, AutismHouston.com, and then don’t actually attend events. This has some very unfortunate consequences. Parents of recently diagnosed ASD family members miss out on seeing they aren’t alone. And children with awkward or difficult social circumstances miss out on opportunities to make pier- and age-group-appropriate friends.

Over the years, I’ve heard several reasons for not attending:

Parents have specific expectations of a meeting — and those expectations aren’t met (and everyone’s expectations are different).

Everyone is a little uncomfortable joining a crowd of strangers, some more than others.

Some parents don’t want their kids to see lower functioning children. I’ve heard this several times.

Some parents are concerned about how to interact (if at all) with other ASD children for fear of offending or upsetting the child.

Some parents feel all the other parents are “complainers” and a drag to be around. I’ve heard this many, many times.

After watching what works and what doesn’t at ASD Meetups, I want to share some suggestions for making the most out of a playgroup or playdate event for you and your ASD child.

What strikes me really interesting is hearing parents complain about the high-cost of social skills group classes, and how far they have to drive, and how inconvenient it is to drive into downtown — but they skip out on opportunities provided for FREE right in their own neighborhood.

As parents, we (or our insurance) pays professional service providers because they are highly trained, skilled, and professional. We complain about them being expensive, but they have to pay bills just like we do (and those bills include education fees and their college loans).

Free playgroup events can’t replace professionally-led social skills classes. Playgroup, or playdates are an opportunity to practice and reinforce what our kids are learning from their parents, school teachers, para-professionals, counselors, etc. We can tell our children “Say please”, and “Say nice to meet you.” But if we don’t help them practice with everyday situations, the teachings go in one ear and out the other.

Suggestions and managing expectations:

Most ASD Playgroups allow members to suggest or organize meetings in their own area.

Don’t expect (or desire!) a big crowd. You may see only 1 or 2 other families. Our kids don’t like massive crowds, so that works perfect.

Participate. Unlike an $80 social skills class, we can’t drop our kids off or sit in the waiting room.

Save complaining for later. Include the children in any conversations, encourage them to participate.

Be uplifting, upbeat, and encouraging to both the kids and parents.

Join a parents-only event to discuss uncomfortable school administration problems or complaints about your doctor.

Reducing Discomfort

Its not easy walking into a group of strangers. When it comes to walking into a park with 20 families, its hard to walk up and ask “Are you here with the Autism Group?”

Suggestions for managing discomfort:

Agree on what to wear. If everyone (or at least several people) wear a specific color shirt, finding “the group” is much easier.

If its a small group, the host can just tell folks she will have on a yellow shirt/hat/pants.

Post yellow balloons at the park bench. Its very unlikely that someone else at the park will be using JUST yellow balloons. The Yellow Balloon trick will separate you from the birthday parties.

Agree on a specific location and time. If the time is ambiguous, misunderstandings can lead folks to never want to return again.

Remember that every other parent is just as uncomfortable, if not more, meeting complete strangers. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t help, but its important to remember.

You aren’t there to impress other parents. You’re there to help your kids interact, and show your kids how adults interact with each other in a friendly way.

Put philosophical differences on the back-burner. Kids don’t need to see us parents arguing about religion, politics, or the “Cause and Cures of Autism”. Go to Parent-Only events for that.

Some parents don’t want their kids to see lower functioning children.

Parents have told me they never came to events because they didn’t want their child to be around low-functioning Autistic children. The excuses ranged from being worried it would “damage their self-esteem” to “worried he will flip out”.

We want our children to be in a fully-inclusive, general education program. So it’s completely hypocritical for a parent to withhold access to social learning and friend-making opportunities from their children because there might be “those kinds of kids” at the event. Parents who use this excuse are no different than school administrators that think anyone with a diagnosis belongs in a different school.

Suggestions on how your child can benefit from associating with other ASD kids:

Don’t rob your child of the self-esteem elevating experience of helping other children.

Allow your child to practice working with and communicating with people of all ages and situations.

Allow our kids to build their community without poisoning their attitudes with bigotry against other children.

Every parent tells me their child is a “High Functioning Autistic Child”. And then I meet their kids and realize that many parents are in denial.

Last thing on this subject: Can you really tell your child “don’t play with him, he’s more Autistic than you.”? I find people that say this kind of thing to be very offensive. If you are a parent that doesn’t let their kids play with “those kind of kids”, then never attend a playgroup. Ever. Send your spouse.

Some parents are concerned about how to interact (if at all) with other ASD children.

This one is really tricky. Unless you know a specific family’s situation, its hard to know the best method of interaction. Every child is different, and so is every parent.

One time when discussing a disagreement between my son and another child, the father ran over and loudly explained, “I can handle my own child.” It turned a learning opportunity for my son (and his) into a very uncomfortable and contentious situation. Instead of teaching the kids to work together, “dad” taught the kids that adults become aggressive and loud.

Good job, “dad”.

Suggestions on dealing with other ASD Kids and parents:

Help your child practice asking other children their names (and if they like video games, and …).

Don’t pressure kids to answer a question; someone may be non-verbal, or just shy. Either way, don’t take a non-response as a queue to start ignoring the child.

Remind your child that some children don’t quickly (if at all) respond to questions, and to be patient with those who may be a little different.

Remind yourself and your child that we keep our hands to ourselves. Some of us are huggers, some of us are really affected by any type of touch or physical contact. For some with sensory issues, simple shirt tags and bra straps can be very uncomfortable, so a hug may be seen as a sign of aggression, not friendliness.

Remind your child ahead of time that some children are painfully sensitive to perfume and chemicals. So they should remember not to say anything if they notice another child has bad breath or BO. Our ASD kiddos can be a little blunt, so this is an important social skill for them to perfect at an early age.

If a parent becomes offended because you encourage the kids to play together or learn each other’s names, that parent’s expectations need to be adjusted. Tell me, my wife, or another host so we can get on the same page. If someone doesn’t want their child to be social with others in the playgroup, they stop attending playdates.

Patients is key, with parents and kids.

Some parents feel all the other parents are “complainers” and a drag to be around.

Mom and dad: stop complaining when we should be helping our kids communicate with each other!

Don’t huddle in a corner with other parents and let your kids run wild.

Kids will play “all alone” in a massive group unless we as parents show them how to play together.

If a child hears mom say to another parent “his teacher is a horrible person who doesn’t seem to care about autistic children”, why would that child cooperate with their teacher?

Every time your child hears you say something bad about their teacher, you UNDERMINE the teacher’s ability to maintain the type of relationship needed for your child’s success.

Non-verbal children can hear. They know their teacher’s name. If they hear you say their teacher’s name in an unfriendly or stressed or angry tone of voice, the non-verbal child can pick up on that. This can lead to the lack of cooperation. It does not help your child at all.

Playgroup and Play Date sessions are about helping socially awkward or difficult children learn to interact and play together.

Conclusion

Hopefully you found at least one or two suggestions helpful. Even if you don’t attend organized Social Group Classes, attend (and host) free playdates to help reinforce new social skills that will help them be successful. And allow them to socialize within the ASD community so they don’t grow up with feelings of shame, rejection and perpetual isolation that often accompanies growing into an adult with ASD.

Joe Lippeatt is a User Experience Engineer, Front End Specialist and Application Developer for 24Moves Consulting. He is also the organizer of HoustonPhotowalks.com Photography Club. When not working, he’s enjoying planning photography trips and helping his wife and son work in their gardens.

For years, meetup.com let us use “custom domains”. As part of their rebranding and refocus efforts, they are doing away with this feature. Fortunately they are grandfathering (kinda) those of us who were smart enough to brand our groups with a unique URL. But this change has broken access to Google’s Webmaster Tools.

The Issue

And by Kinda Grandfathering, I mean that Meetup.com will accomodate those who already have a domain pointing at meetup.com, but then submit a redirect to your group on their domain. In other words, if you own “houstonphotowalks.com” and point it at meetup before June of 2013, everything worked pretty snazzy. After June ’13, your group members started being redirected to http://www.meetup.com/HoustonPhotowalks/.

Ok, as if that wasn’t bad enough, for those of you tracking your branding and traffic using Webmaster tools, you suddenly realize Webmaster Tools says you don’t own the domain. The reason is your domain cannot be Verified with the Google Webmaster Tools. And to add yet more insult, a lot of the Webmaster Tools aren’t going to be useful because any “houstonphotowalk.com” traffic is automatically shifted to “meetup.com/HoustonPhotowalks”. [sigh] (One note, so far Google Analytics will still work as long as Meetup doesn’t disable those too.)

Workaround

Google will also search your Zone File for TXT entries when trying to verify a domain. If your domain management software (I use godaddy) allows you direct access to edit the Zone File, then open the Webmaster Tools, go to Verification methods, and select Alternative Methods. Simply add a TXT entry with the google-generated TXT Value and pop, you’re verified!