Meeting you has been wonderful. A learning experience indeed. Like learning a new way of life. Since I met you I learned of a new kind of happiness. Not just being happy with myself, but being happy all over; literally feeling happy from my head to toe, from my fingertips to the roots of my hair, from my arteries to my veins, from my navel to my nose, from my cells to my molecules. I think exhilarated is the more appropriate word.

For a while life was perfect, shining perfect. But all good things must come to an end, right? And in an instant, in one phone call, in one dreadful sentence said one year and a half after we met, I learned of a new kind of hurt, a new kind of pain, a new kind of sorrow.

*Angina pectoris, a squeezing substernal chest pain typically described as a feeling of tightness or fullness, or oppression. The pain results when the oxygen demand in the heart muscle exceeds the supply and is unable to function properly. It is usually precipitated by activity (physical or emotional stress) and is relieved by rest or by administration of nitroglycerin.

*Myocardial infarction is the death of the heart muscle because of prolonged lack of oxygen. This brings about an acutely crushing and excruciating chest pain that radiates to the arm, shoulder, jaw, or back. It is not relieved by rest, but by administration of morphine. This is more commonly known as a heart attack.

June 2002Lub. Dub. Lub. Dub. I first set eyes on you standing in the gate of CPU. You were hugging your envelope. Eyes set with specs that looked like you're out to kill for something. You looked weird. But my heart went LubDubLubDubLubDub. I felt something in my chest, like a light bulb lighting up and giving me a warm glow, however corny it may sound. It wasn’t a chest pain but a definite sensation and a welcomed one at that.

First Date. Something ignited in my chest. A tingling sensation that radiated to my cheeks and gave me a blush; a reaction precipitated by you staring into my eyes and relieved by me averting my eyes.

Holding your hands caused a feeling inside of me I couldn’t quite explain. It was like eating chocolates after a going on a strict diet or like having an extension of me…Heavenly. That’s how it felt. A heavenly feeling from my chest that radiated all over my skin; I didn’t want it relieved.

First Kiss (and all other kisses thereafter) brought about explosions in my chest that radiated through my entire existence, all my thoughts, memories, experiences were affected. Ah…the bliss that it brought! I craved the feeling and I wanted it as often as possible.

First Fight. There was a tennis ball lodged inside my chest cavity. It hurt and it radiated to my head in a pounding rhythm. This pain was due to a misunderstanding and resolved by a long talk followed by our

First Kiss and Make Up Session. A multitude of all sorts of deliriously euphoric feelings brought about by embraces, kisses, caresses, and much, much more. A new kind of happiness, really, that became a part of me, a part of us. And all I had to do to feel it was to think of you, knowing that I had you, that you were mine, and I was yours was enough to give me a high like I’ve never known before.

I can’t remember anything after that. When the line went dead, I died too.

Somehow I knew you were already gone. I felt it. In my chest, I felt it; a heavy crushing feeling of intense pain, disbelief, despair, torment, and panic all fighting with the little hope I had in my heart. But I knew. I knew that’s why I felt the pain in my chest because of the thought of having lost you and it could have only been relieved if my instincts were proved wrong. It was pain like I’ve never felt before, it radiated through my entire body, my entire being.

In the cab, on my way to you, my Love, I died again. Second time that night.

Chest pain. Directly over the spot where my heart lies. Its here. Still here. I feel it. When I saw your mother at the E.R. the chest pain moved up my throat and became confined there. I felt a choking feeling when I saw Tita and as I looked into her eyes I understood. No words were needed.

I already knew and she did too. Again it was in my chest, a great big repeatedly stabbing feeling in my chest as I realized the hard truth that I have lost you. The only thing that could have relieved the pain was if I had you back. But I can’t have you back, not then, not now, not ever. I had you but I lost you and I can’t have you back. That’s why the pain remained.

Walking in the hallway on my way to the morgue where you lay, my Darling, I died for the third time that night.

Since your death I have died a thousand times, but each of those times a part of me persists to stay alive. And that is you. You are and will always be a part of me and it is the reason why I still haven’t given up on life. I would still give everything and do anything to have you back, to feel happy once again even if for just a few minutes. I miss you.The pain has now become a familiar dull ache. An ache brought about by missing you so much and relieved only by reliving memories of you. You are my nitroglycerin and my morphine. I love you. Forever.

I cannot compensate loving someone else, of finding someone more prettier, more adventurous or more "warm in the pants" session. I'm not like the other guys you know who would go and "date" other girls while we're still on. All I know, I love you. It has been a year and a half. Our anniversary. Because it is also a year and a half I died myself with you. I am a living dead organism in this world. And until now, I still don't know what to do without you.

Sad truths and bitter endings.Timeless tales of ephemeral beings.Life's irony precedes everyone,You get what deserve but never what you want.You live to the fullest yet your life's still incomplete,You cherish a moment that eventually fleet.

A king for a day but a slave for eternity,Life’s never-ending bittersweet reality.Trust is always accompanied by betrayal and truth coupled with lies.Despite the presence of a few good men, an army of evil will always arise.

Bittersweet longings for things in the past,Fleeting moments that never last.Love 'til it hurts and love some more,Love until the hurt is no more.

Hope until you exhaust yourself.Live 'til you can't breathe anymore.Laugh until you lungs are sore.Eat until you're full.Frolic and bathe in the moment's glory.Then bask and enjoy life's bittersweet reality.

Last edited by melancholic_insanity on Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

the essence of love is being loved back.the whole entire time you think you're alone,you never are.it doesnt feel right at times,but it doesnt really hurt to think about your welfare over others'.life is full of irony,bittersweet moments,and twists and turns.things may not always go your way,but life always finds a way to make things work out for themselves.you just have to believe that in every action, an equal and opposite reaction is always expected to happen,and that you can always prepare for the worst to come but still be overwhelmed.you can try to understand, but the way things are intended to be, incomprehensibility is the only stable commodity that you can arm yourself.this is not a point of view from a pessimist nor of an optimist.rhather, a reflection of a fool who tried to comprehend and carefully plan things out only to find himself utterly disappointed in the outcome.planning and putting things in order really does a great deal of help,but as long as you're not open to the fact that schedules will break and interruptions are a necessity,life will have a banquet in your name and eat you alive.failure is an option that everyone has and is entitled to,accepting the defeat is your choice,it's never fate.life is what you make of it,no one to blame for mishaps, no one to to point out to for mistakes,just yourself and your own sense of direction,your judgment,your leap of faith

just had another one of those nightswith him plastered all over this linebeen there beforeside by side as they both lay downon that same place on that same day yet a different monthwhere almost everything was revealed.

she cant help but caress his facestill wondering what's the real dealsaying things just for the sake of conversationto her, his intentions seem realher intentions are all sane, all real as well.

yet he chose another her.

breakbreakbreakgoes her heart..

at times she may ask herselfwhy she's still there although it's hurtingwhat's all this to himwhat is she to himwhen would everything be fine again?

hanging on senseless hopeshanging on although it's gradually hurtinghanging on tiptoesjust dont let her keep on hanging on tiptoes..

now she wonders if he's happy that this was written with him all over in it.

Your love is so awesomeIt's just too freakin awesomeYour love is so awesomeYou're just so freakin awesome!You love us like a father who molests his six year old daughterAnd a mother who kills her children has a love far greaterYou love us like a father who buttfucks his six year old daughterAnd a mother who kills her children has a love far greater

paper clips scattered over the floorand drops of blood stained the sheets of my bedclothes drenched in sweat and blood were all over the placecool new age sound from the radio playsshe was there lying dead....