This is probably one of the coolest things I have done, i actually got to the point where I could control my blood flow to my hands, and feel my heart beat there.

I recommend trying this video, Deepak has a very soothing voice and explains things in ways many of us probably already imagine.
The number one thing I got from it, is don't try to control what you do, don't force change. Simply, BE AWARE, and nurture that awareness, whatever it may be, negative thought patterns, negative self talk, forgetfulness, whatever it may be, just be aware of it, and you will fix patterns over time.