Envy/Jealousy/Possessive/Territorial/Ownership

This was sort of inspired by a conversation from Fetlife on non D/s issues in poly and ‘ownership’. The following are my personal definitions.

Envy: a feeling of longing for something that someone else has. I wish I could ride the pony too!

Jealousy: A negative feeling of longing, wanting to take away what someone else has. I want to ride the pony instead of you!

Possessive: jealously opposed to the personal independence of or to any influence other than one’s own upon a child, spouse, lover etc. You can’t ride my pony!

Territorial: Owning and protecting a particular territory. Teaching the pony to jump is my job.

Ownership: The ultimate right, subject to certain restrictions, to enjoy, occupy, possess, use, or give away an item of property. This time with the pony is mine.

I am territorial. I do claim ownership. I can feel jealousy or possessiveness; which is usually an indication to me that I better talk to my pony and right quick about what I’m feeling and why. *wink* Envy, I think, is not a negative emotion.

And here’s a direct quote from the thread:

“When I say I’m territorial, I’m talking about having a clear sense of what stuff is mine and what stuff is not mine and having a natural inclination to stick with what’s mine. I don’t tolerate interference with the stuff that’s mine or trespassing on my turf, as a general rule; when I have to tolerate it, I do so grudgingly and with more than a little emotional disruption. My territoriality is intrinsic to my ability to be polyamorous in the first place – I need a clear sense of what is mine and what isn’t, so that I can release any sense of entitlement to things outside my territory.”

You know when you’re reading a blog or a thread and someone states something that makes you hiss: ‘YESSSS, fuck! That is exactly what I’m talking about!’? That was totally my reaction after reading that comment.

My relationships are two(or more) people choosing to share territory. CHOOSING TO SHARE an emotional space over which we each have decision making control and to which we both absolutely have responsibility.

Time that my partner has committed to me: Our territory.
Time that my partner has not committed to me: Not our territory.

Though getting additional time with my partner outside of our time is encouraged and healthier for us in the long run. There has to be enough of our territory for us both to feel we’re sustaining ‘us’. Being territorial requires knowing where and when your territory ends. Basic personal boundaries, people! If Thursday’s my day with Partner A? My partner B and his partners C & D better respect that territory and do one of two things:

A) Don’t trespass!
OR
B) ASK permission from both of us to enter our territory.

Because when I feel my territory is being invaded or my partner’s not protecting it’s boundaries or ANY OF OUR OSOs aren’t respecting it? Is when I feel jealousy or possessiveness; and is an indication to me that I better talk to my pony(s) and right quick about what I’m feeling and why.

And when there are no boundaries laid out? I have no security or knowledge that any territory is actually mine. I never know if any territory I enter is mine or whether I’m invading. I refuse to knowingly be that person, I have huge respect for personal boundaries. And when my partner’s put me in that position? Is when I feel angry! You’ve just used me as a tool to NONCONSENSUALLY invade someone else’s territory! And that’s an indication to me that I better talk to my pony and right fucking fast about what I’m feeling and why.