~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

Tag Archives: Balance

A few years ago a coach of mine told me that, “All work, no play makes Amy no fun”. Ouch. “What?! Me? No fun?!” I thought, aghast – “I don’t ever want to be that person.” (I pictured someone old and boring – two words I never want to be used to describe me.)

At the time of the conversation, I had just taken quite a leap to open my own practice, we had just bought our first home, and our kids were still toddlers – very dependent, and definitely NOT sleeping all night – if my hazy, sleep-deprived memories serve me correctly.

I realized then and there the reality that if I wanted to keep the busy pace of my life, I also had to take some time to relax and reboot. And so, with the wise coaching of my mentor, I started planning in ways to get a break from the daily routine. While my rational mind may have resisted “I can’t afford it!” or “I have too much to get done!” the deeper part of myself recognized the simple truth he was trying to teach me: I am the best version of ME when I take time to recharge my batteries. I am happiest, most productive, most innovative, most playful, and most inspired when my tanks have been filled. Filled with rest, quality time, playfulness, love, adventure, laughter, and connection. Without his guidance, I wonder how many years I may have gone on without valuing my own need to recharge – and could have run the risk of forgetting these things that are so essential to truly LIVING.

What I have come to realize is that it doesn’t take a lot for me to recharge. What I need is to have a brief time in which I am completely removed from my daily routine – not because I want to escape anything in my life (as a matter of fact, I think my life is pretty awesome) – but rather because how it helps me bring my ‘best game’ to my daily life. I revel in the freedom of having less responsibility – at least, temporarily. (Let’s be realistic, here…) Let me be anywhere, for any amount of time with the following factors present, and my tanks will automatically start to fill:

Let me be responsible for nothing more than the safety, full bellies and appropriate protection from the elements for myself and my family.

Let me be surrounded by beauty and nature.

Let me eat good food – and have absolutely NO ROLE in the planning, preparation or clean up (unless I choose to).

Let me have no set schedule unless we have a special planned activity we want to do.

Let me sleep when I want, read when I want, and play when I want.

Let me feel fully present and in-the-moment, full of gratitude for the people I am with.

And let me create happy, loving memories to fill me up continuously after it is all over.

When all of these criteria are present, it does not matter if my “vacation” lasts 24 hours or 2 weeks, costs pennies or thousands of dollars, takes place an hour from our home, or a plane ride away.

(For the record, I can’t find all of these things in my own back yard, as my to-do list doesn’t seem to leave me while I am in my own home, and the sense of responsibility won’t leave me until I drive – or fly – away)

And as a side note – I also plan time when I recharge my batteries without anyone else to be responsible for. This could be getting a pedicure, a day shopping, a trip home to Halifax, or a weekend away with girlfriends. And Dean and I plan time away without our kids (so far we’ve gone to Cuba, and on a cruise – but more often plan the occasional night way at a B&B, or a concert (going to see Dave Matthews in concert is an annual event for us). Combining these mini-vacations with our planned family ones truly makes me feel like my life and play time is well rounded and full. Time for me, my marriage, and my family = completion.

What matters is that I always remember my highest values: family, freedom, and experiencing. For me it’s all about living life to the fullest.

What matters is that I have come to value my own time to recharge – I feel more myself, more at ease, more grateful for my life, the people in it, and the memories I will be left with.

What matters is that I know that I deserve my time to recharge – that it helps me be a better me, a better mom, wife, and chiropractor and ultimately a better human being.

In the effort to consciously create our lives from a place of integrity, walking our talk, and being role models for our children (and in my case, my practice) – I have to agree with my wise coach. All work and no play just doesn’t work for me.

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I think it may be possible that a mom’s greatest challenge lies in the contrast of knowing that she will be the biggest source of love and support for her children, as well as the provider of some of their greatest challenges.

I challenge any mom out there to refute the fact that kids push their boundaries, and “test out” new behaviours more with us than with any other person in their young lives. In fact, if I ever painted the picture of some of Audra’s outbursts to her adored grade two teacher, I have no doubt that she would be astounded. Audra’s school personality is exemplary – while the one saved for me demonstrates every possible shade of emotion and behaviour.

My experience has demonstrated time and again, that some of the biggest issues, memories and beliefs start and end with our mothers. I “get it” that we are their safe testing ground. I mean, if we think about it, it all makes sense. After all, for the first few years of life, that mother-baby bond is so innately glued, and mom is the center of that child’s universe – even if she is not the only caregiver. She is the life-giver – both in having given birth, and in having nourished them from her own body – and the love-giver in being the constant preference for all cuddles, comforts and routines. For a relatively short time, the sun rises and sets on mom, including her baby’s perceptions of the world in general, and their world in particular. A beautiful thing – and yet, within this is the formation of most of our earliest memories, our earliest beliefs, and our perceptions of love, loss, betrayal, abandonment, joy, curiosity, fear, anger – and all in the complete safety of mom’s arms.

And that same mom can be a ray of sunshine or a thundercloud.

I believe that we all possess all sides of human nature. And in my experience, they all come out strongly during those early, hormonal, sleep-deprived years. In fact, it wasn’t until I became I mom that I became aware of many of my own less-than-stellar traits – like being impatient, having a temper, and having very high (sometimes unrealistic) expectations of myself. Fortunately, it also brought out some of the positives, like more playfulness, creativity and empathy. How can it be anything other than universal plan to connect two human beings to such a level, while challenging a mom’s level of self control by pushing her to the limits? It must be part of the design that this same loving relationship can provide a young child with his or her first challenges – all while in a loving and safe environment.

Now that Ethan and Audra are older, I see more clearly how my role as their mom provides challenges for them. After all, in my attempts to love them, keep them safe and keep them healthy, I have many rules that I expect them to follow. I (somewhat reluctantly) become the enforcer in many ways. Eat healthy food. Get good sleep. Get outside. Turn off electronics. Do your homework. Practice your guitar.

If I’m not careful, I may sound more like a drill sergeant than a loving mom. Even when it’s all coming from a place of love, I am not naive enough to expect them to like it all – nor to follow it all without question. (although that would be nice sometimes, I really don’t subscribe to the vision of my children as sheep – even if I am one of the leaders) It would be nice to be able to let go of the rules and just let them be. Instead, in my best attempts to be a good parent, I recognize that they won’t always agree with me, nor like my rules or explanations. And I have to accept the fact that they will likely feel every emotion under the sun towards me.

Even though I expect this, I resist being one of the sources of challenge for my children. And yet, I know with a sad resignation that it may be deemed to be so. So while this will likely be a lifelong challenge for me – in my belief and knowing that everything in life has a balanced & equal nature – I have to accept that the challenges I myself unintentionally provide for my children will be counterbalanced by the love, joy and strength that I also provide for them.

Oh, but it is still hard when my nature is to protect them from all pain and hurt. And it brings me back to the realization that a mom’s job is one of constantly letting go. Just like holding my breath as they run, bike and climb for their first times, I cant’ let my fear of them hurting themselves get in the way of the growth and accomplishment that comes from mastering a new height. And so, I guess my only choice is to continue to love them, support them, and be their biggest challenge – and their biggest source of love and acceptance.

No wonder the pain of childbirth exists – it ushers in the balance of joy and exhilaration that comes with motherhood. I guess then, that I have to accept that this heartache of motherhood will also be accompanied by its counterpart of joy and happiness. Perhaps my learning here is that it is all perfect – but we don’t have to be.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.