This is a precious note to leave for these guys. I miss their support and their postings as well. I have thought about deleting some of my postings as they did, then I thought about the impact that might have on someone else. The main reason for ME to do that would be some insecurity on my part or moment of regret in something I said which exposed my inner self.

I appreciate the gentle reminder to be true to ourselves, accepting..., open..., and supportive of our own decisions and points of view. I know you wrote this for the two fellas' who departed (hopefully temporarily), but it spoke to me as well- and I bet to others. Thanks, guy.

As far as smalltown80sguy is concerned it wasn't anyone here on the boards that made him leave. I'm not at liberty to say why he left but it was a hard decision for him to make because everyone who leaves leaves a hole in this this board.

I was triggered by an incident a month or two ago and I erased every entry I had made. I really freaked out and just wanted to crawl back into my hole where it was safe. I regretted it and told my T about what happened. I looked at it that it was a selfish of me to do it. My T told me it was wrong. I saw that after 2 weeks I missed everyone here. I had no one to talk to in my cave, I didn't want to go through another 40 years of silence so I came back. I was ashamed at what I did and my head was hanging low but the first time I posted I was welcomed with open arms. That sure felt good and I'm still thankful for that welcome back.

I feel bad at what I had done, because maybe if just one of my posts helped someone I was wrong to take it away from him.

I don't think that I could ever leave MS again no matter what happens. I need this place, it is the only place I can talk openly with someone that stepped in the same pile of shit I did. I made real friends with some guys here which I never had since I went into the USAF as 18 until I came here in June of '11.

It's guys like you that I missed when I left. Before I came to MS I never talked to anyone about anything. I was safe in my hole for 40 years and I wanted to go back in but it was very lonely and I had to leave it for good.

Love you guys so much I get goosebumps on my arms. I now have really real friends here on MS - thanks so much.

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