In a perfect world, I’d be hairless and always have gas.

Could not wait to sit in that tub and run that fancy schmancy razor right up my fuzzy little 8 year old legs.

(I was so advanced for my age. In this area only. Don’t ask about school or terrorizing a little sister or lip gloss application.)

Why? No clue. It was just something big girls did and I was dying to be a big girl. I’m talking DY-ING.

Momma always said no to shaving my legs anytime I asked.

So, I shaved my left arm.

Yes. From shoulder to wrist. Just went right straight to town on it.

(There’s just some crap that sticks with you over the years and you don’t know why. Shaving my arm sticks with me.)

She said I couldn’t shave my legs.

She said nothing about my arms. I stopped at one arm though.

(Apparently, I’ve been a jerk since the beginning.)

Just one more reason a mother should never leave her child unattended in the tub. Especially if that child is hell-bent on being a big girl.

A big girl with fuzz-less legs. (Or in my case…left arm.)

Now? Hate it. I’d rather poke my rabid ex-husband in the ass with short stick while he slept.

(Oh, who am I kidding? I’d rather go with a hot-metal-poker-stick-thing I just pulled a hot marshmallow off of after the hot-metal-poker-stick-thing turned yellowish-reddish-blue from sitting in flames for way too long.)

(Like I always say: Go big or go home.)

(Plus, why waste THAT opportunity on a twig-ish sized stick?)

Anyway.

For those women who say they shave their gams every day of their life: I salute you.

Ya’ll are probably the same women who always have gas.

Me?

The Gas Gods hate me. They have to. And they laugh. Bastards.

Never.

I don’t care what day of the week or time of the day.

This picture was taken this morning.

That bad boy needle is dying to hit the red. Just screaming.

And I used to get grounded pretty regularly because of this when I was 16ish and still at home. Dad would do random gas checks. If he popped his head in the car and it was below half a tank…it was, “Hand over the keys.”

(As he would radio checks.)

(If he randomly started the car and the radio was thumping in my little blue hatchback Corolla (as much as a little blue hatchback Corolla could thump)…it was, “Hand over the keys.”)

(He never was a Van Halen lover.)

(Or Bon Jovi.)

(Or Guns and Roses.)

Back in good ol’days when he paid the gas card…he said there was no reason for a daughter of his to be with less than half a tank. I mean, what if there’s an emergency in the middle of the night? Last thing you need to do is look for a gas station.

(Just as he said there was no reason to have the radio so loud while driving you couldn’t hear an ambulance coming.)

(WHOOOOA, WE’RE HALF WAY THERE….WHOOOO-OOOOA LIVING ON A PRA-YER….)

(God I hope he isn’t read this.)

(Dad. Not Bon Jovi.)

(OH, MY GOD! BUT WHAT IF HE IS?!?)

(Jon, if you’re reading this, I have loved you my whole life. MY. WHOLE. LIFE! And I swear I would shave my legs for you every day. EVERY. DAY. Except for when you’re out on tour. I mean, cause really?)

So. After work, I’ll be filling up once again. I think I did just that 3 days ago.

I know. Maybe I do a lot of running around and buzzing here and there. I know.

And. Tonight I’ll be shaving these prickly gams. I think I did just that 3 nights ago.

I know. Maybe I do a lot of running around and buzzing here and there. I know.

But this isn’t a perfect world, so it is what it is. I need to just accept the facts I’ll be gassing and shaving forever.

Forever. And sweet heavens…it’s gonna be a long forever at this rate.

(TAKE MY HAND, WE’LL MAKE IT I SWEAR….WHOOOOO-O LIVING ON A PRA-YER…)

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“Go big or go home.” That’s a fantastic life philosophy. I need that on a poster.

I feel like I always need gas too, an I only shave my legs when I’m going to be wearing a dress or a skirt… or if I’m going somewhere in the summer that requires showing my legs.Jennifer recently posted..Wish Me Luck

Girl – I filled up at the ghetto Exxon by the office today. Always nice to wonder if your gonna get shot, mugged, or carjacked a block from the office. Ahhhh I feel safe.

Anyway – I must say, I’m a hair disappointed that you aren’t from Alaska. Hair on them legs keeps ya warm. Once it gets real long, it starts looking like fur. It’s elegant.

PS – I really was expecting a blog about how no one reads your emails at work… and that it takes some girl on a different floor to tell you that your damn font is like 2pt on your emails. And that no one can read ’em. You’d think those editor people in your area would be all up on that. Guess that’s what I get for thinkin’. 🙂

HAHAHHA!! Carrieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Yet again im rolling off laughing! you seize to surprise me now. I know what you mean tho, i went for JOn Bon jovi concert with my friends and we were like 18 or something but dad came along hah…my poor dad had to sit thru that rock music with me lol…!! hes a sweetheart for me i guess :p hehe…but oh my was he ROcking!!

Dont need to shave your legs girl, do it for special occasions *wink* for all you know, bon jovi might just happen to meet you after this post 😉 hehe

Btw, i would loveeeeeee for you to guest post on my blog whenever u feel you would like, any topic of your choice. Just one request make it funny as HELL! haha 🙂 Lemme know, my email is fashionistaera@yahoo.com

take your time sweetie…no worries at all :)) im travelling this week back after almost 10 days so i might MIA but ill try to keep logging into my bloglovin roll :)) hugss!!Fashionista Era recently posted..Guest Blog : Raindrops of Sunshine

Ok- you HAVE to laugh at this! Remember when we’d sneak to Nederland to cruise the strip? Well, mom always busted me. Not that night or the next day, but she ALWAYS found out I’d been down there! I couldn’t understand who was ratting on me!!! Until I got my very own gas card – AND bill. It listed the gas station and town for every transaction! DAMMIT!!!

Go big or go home. I love that. My favorite saying is Fake It Till You Make it. Funny how shaving your legs went from being a joyous activity to a pain in the ass huh? I shave…..everyday……if my husband complains lol.Bella recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Living with Mental Illness

I started shaving my legs when I was 8. My parents were newly divorced and my mother allowed so many more freedoms than we were used to having. Shaving was one of them. She told me I would need to shave my legs about once a week. That may have been true for her. I, however, am a hairy beast. By day 6, I looked like a wild Big Foot in minature. Is it bad that I want my thyroid to go out so my legs will stop growing so much hair?Amanda recently posted..My Recent Conversation with Ed

So this is not the time to tell you that I just gave up on that whole shaving thing? I hardly have eye brows much less hair on anything else. It’s kinda nice actually. Oh and that my hubby doesn’t really care if I have hairy legs. hee hee.A Boy’s Mom recently posted..Things I don’t do for my kids

Never.
You Never Fail me.
You hear?
I’m still rolling over here, I mean where to start, the shaving of the legs/arms (or is it arm?) jk, the poking of the ex, bon jovi?! LOL could this post get any better?

Wow! You just gave me reasons to hate the things about my life that normally annoy me. The fact that I spend all winter freezing my arse off in the northeast= I don’t shave my legs. I just don’t- no need. The fact that Uncle Sam says I have to live in this expensive-ass state= in New Jersey it is illegal to pump your own gas. The entire state is full service (except on the military base which is federal property and we can do what we want- but you better believe when it is freezing/raining/snowing/I’m just too lazy, I go off-base and let someone do it for me. Which is pretty much all the time) I also have a little VW Beetle that takes diesel instead of gasoline- so it gets 45-50 mpg. I only have to have someone else fill up my car every two weeks or so.Jennifer recently posted..Momma Made it Look Easy- Share Your Awesome- Today it’s ME!

Believe me….I go “off-base” all the time. Not the same as you, but you know me well enough to confirm that yes…I go off-base. Lots.

Seriously, NJ is a full-service state? If it was later in the day and I had a glass or four of wine, I could really take that to a whole new level.

And, sister…you got puh-lenty to love. Your son quite possibly could one day be president and your daughter has a strong chance of being a hot little redheaded cage-fighting champion. If they were MY kids…I’d be on the campaign trail for them BOTH right now!

I’ll be honest, I totally thought you meant that frequent-shaving women are also frequent farters. Even though you clarified that it’s gas in a car… I still think those shaving freaks probably fart a lot. They’ve got to be compensating for something, right?

When I was a ‘kid’, I shaved my armpits before I shaved my legs. Turns out, I was a savvy kid that realized you get fewer dirty looks with hairy legs vs. hairy pits. The only problem? I went swimming in a chlorine-filled pool immediately after the first shave. The burn taught me to avoid STD’s at every cost. If burning hurts that bad under the arms… I don’t want to know what it’s like between the legs!Britt recently posted..10 Things That Deserve Some Fist-Bumps

I begged to shave, too! My mom always said no, so one day I just got smart and asked my step-dad. He said, “Sure, go on in there and do it.” Whoa was he in trouble that night. 🙂

And, I never have gas in my car. I think it just leaks out because I really don’t feel like I drive that much. Whatever, I guess. I can practically tell you my dad’s lecture word for word about not having less than a quarter tank and how bad it is on your car. I never learned. 🙂Jamie recently posted..Instagram Friday

It’s the same thing for me! I will admit I’m on the go all the time, but hell it sits in my garage at home for 10 hours then the garage at the office for 10 hours…how much running around can I possibly be doing in FOUR hours??

When I was 12, I tried to pluck my (barely there blond) eyebrows and decided it hurt too much, so I picked up my mom’s electric razor she used on her legs. For the next 12 months, I sported only 1.3 eyebrows.The Zadge recently posted..Vignettes – Snow Day in Denver

You might want to sit back and reread that post heading from the perspective of a person who has no idea what the blog post is going to be about. I was in stitches. Hilarious.

Moving on. Bon Jovi is mine, all mine. And I won’t share, well maybe with you, maybe.

I got married for a few key reasons, one of them being someone to fill my car up with gas – which he does, 90% of the time. It’s the worst job EVER. I’m thinking men could have businesses going around to office block and offering to take all the single ladies cars out to be filled up. They’d be millionaries. $10 a pop? Sure!

On another note, feel sorry for my Aussie gas prices. I just spent $92 on filling up my car from empty today (hubby is out of town, and it was PAST the red, so I had no choice). $92!!! That’s highway robbery! And its a SEDAN for Gods sake, not even a truck or SUV!! Bastards.

To spend that amount of money on gas is a sin. That’s more than my grocery bill for 2 weeks.

And the idea of paying a man to do it…I SHO WOULD!

That is a brilliant idea…and I’m telling you, I’d probably pay more than that if I knew I was sitting on empty but also KNEW someone would come by the office during the day, get my keys, fill it up while I worked and I didn’t have to do it on the way home.

You always know how to put a smile on my face! I hate filling my tank up too. It’s just one of those mundane things I have to do I guess if I want to go anywhere. lol And….JON!!! LOVE HIM and have seen him many times. I’m from Jersey and you’re either a Bruce fan or a Jon fan…never did get much into Bruce! Have a great weekend Carrie!Carrie’s Experimental Kitchen recently posted..Top 10 Must Have Foods for Superbowl Sunday

I was dying to shave too. Like many things that I’ve wanted in life, shaving was not nearly the wonderful, glamorous adventure I thought it would be! lolClaire Lopez recently posted..My Dogs Will Need Therapy

Ahahha… This so funny! Thinking why I started shaving my legs was because of my awful mannerism pulling my leg hair before. Then later I realized, the newly hair growth becomes thicker than the others. So to make them even, I started shaving my hair legs and it becomes a habit.Farah19 recently posted..Local search seo Alabama

So much excitement can be had in seeing how far you can get on a tank of gas.

Our car tells us the range we have remaining until it hits 50 km… then it’s a guessing game. If you remembered to, you add the range to the overall kms before 50km range so you know where it will run out. When the situation is really dire the last bar of the gas gauge starts blinking. I do that as much as possible.

Bitsy doesn’t enjoy the thrill I get of getting as much out of a tank as I can.mark recently posted..No Thanks, Larry

That was indeed a funny stuff that teens and even matured women do to their legs. But what about showing the world about the real you and in a way that you totally expresses yourself? I mean it’s not a crime to be different for we are all created to be different from each other. It doesn’t mean that once you have a lot of hair then you must be an outcast, oh, that will be so stupid. For me, I don’t care on what other people think or says about me, as long as I didn’t hurt anyone that will be more than enough for me to stay happy.Queenie recently posted..thyroid hair loss in women

Girlfriend, you kill me every time! I was such a hairy beast that at age 9 my mom went out and bought me one of those Flicker razors that were impossible to cut yourself on, and made me shave. After that, the hair came in blond and she tried to back off, but I already had the razor and I knew how to use it. So much so that I showed all of my friends that came to the house the razor and how to shave their legs, too.Kirsten recently posted..Easy Valentine’s Day Decorations