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It is all about his kids..... (vent)

SURE!!! I call BS! This is a vent, no solutions needed... but if you have suggestions on how to deal with ex in the future, I am always open to ideas.

Over 2 years ago we agreed to an obscenely low amount of CS so that he could get back on his feet. We agreed that it would be 6 months after he found a decent (over min wage) job and then we would do a new stip with a higher amount. Every time I brought it up (after he got a job that paid $3 over min) he would have some excuse why he couldn't do a new stip. Finally I just said to hell with it and asked the CS office to do a modification. So now the ex is pissed at me because I didn't wait for him because the new amount is $200 over what we were talking about raising it to when he got the stable job... which was almost 2 years ago that he was hired. I told him months ago (he hasn't paid his piddly amount since OCT) that the kids needed things and things are tight here because I lost my job and haven't found a new one yet (my DH is paying for what we all need) and if he wasn't going to pay the CS could he at least buy what the kids needed that I couldn't get (local K-mart is going out of business and we went and got some stuff for 50% off) because our oldest is going through a growth spurt and nothing fits him.

Then he goes off on me telling me how he has to buy stuff for while they are at his house and we are not the only ones who are having to tighten their belts. I flipped! I told him how I know that he is smoking, if you have money for cigs you have money for pants. I tell him I know that he is taking trips out of town almost every weekend after he drops off the kids, if you can afford the gas you can afford a hoodie. And he only has the kids for 24 hours at a time once a week so how much do they need over there?! And when they come home, they are usually wearing clothes that are too small for them anyway... and where are the clothes that they were wearing on Friday when he picked them up from school? Those fit. They could be wearing those home, but no. He has no answers on where the clothes are, says he doesn't know. The man lives alone, how far could they go!?

Thank you. I was trying to be the good guy, trying to help him get on his feet so the kids could have a good place to go when they are with him... but I feel like that is a two way street and he just doesn't want to see it that way.

Quoting jkleinman: You did the right thing. Let him bitch. He's just screwing himself.

by Anonymous 1
on Jan. 26, 2017 at 2:17 PM

1 mom liked this

You did the right thing. He had plenty of time to stabilize his life before this. Some people don't want to deal with the financial aspects of raising kids, so no matter how little they pay, it will always be too much.

Thank you. I hope so too. Sometimes I feel like everything is stacking against use because right after I lost my job I got the call that I don't have child care anymore because no one can handle my YDS. So now my hours of what I can work have shortened to the hours he is in school.

Quoting Anonymous 1: You did the right thing. He had plenty of time to stabilize his life before this. Some people don't want to deal with the financial aspects of raising kids, so no matter how little they pay, it will always be too much.
Hopefully you find a job soon and hopefully things look up!

That is what DH and my BFF say. No more nice me... but another thing that my BFF has pointed out is that my ex has me "trained" for lack of a better word. We were together a long time and it was a very hard marriage where he was very controlling and wouldn't let me leave the house without him. If I didn't do what he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted.... he would keep me away from my family, my church, not let me go get food for the house. It has been 10 years since our divorce and I still struggle to say no. Flipping on him like that, it is rare.

Quoting Anonymous 2: He has no right to bitch. He's lucky you were nice in the beginning. I know you said no solutions, but I wouldn't be nice ever again because it sounds like he takes advantage of it...just sayin.

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