Give me your words
Fill them with meaning
Tell me of your dreams
Your hopes, desires, theories of the world
The colours in your mind, the music in your heart
I could listen to you all day
Talking about the things you love, the things you wish for
The things you long for, the things you wish to fix
Let me listen to words
About all that is significant to your life
Tell me about everything that is important to you
Give me words
That allow me to think
Words which follow me into the next day

Allow me to fill the air
With an introvert’s words
Rarely empty, never meaningless
Because the emptier the words, the more exhausted I become
Empty words, they are the kind I only absorb and regurgitate
Because I’m uncomfortable, but I don’t want you to be
Empty words, they are not mine
So let me speak naturally
With an introvert’s words, full of meaning
Bursting with ideas
Just pick one from the many million
And watch it soar like a firework
Sending you away
Into an entirely new world, full of spiraling thoughts
Colourful visions, beyond imagination
Words that stay with you into the next day

Step off the page of another person’s book
This already written page is not mine
It’s not my handwriting, not my story
There is nowhere for me to put my character
Jump!
Into a blank canvas, a new fresh page
Flourish my pen and write, sketch, play!
This is a new chapter and it is mine alone
Wait,
Where did you come from?
How did you get in here?
Why are you making those smudges?
What are you writing there with your own pen?
Wait,
You’re writing words.
You keep writing words.
How do you keep writing your own words to my story?
Wait,
Do you realise what you’re doing? Are you doing this on purpose?
Or are you mistaking my book for yours?
Wait,
You’ve made your mark now. Can I please continue alone?
Wait,
Where was my story going?
What was I going to write again?
Whose book is this?
Because once again,
It feels like I’m standing
On the page of another person’s book.

It’s not the water’s fault for being so scolding,
It’s my fault for spilling it.

It’s not the snow’s fault for being so freezing,
It’s my fault for stepping into it.

It’s not the tree’s fault that I fell,
It’s my fault for climbing up.

My lesson here is to take responsibility, these were my choices
But at least I learned,
Of the aftertaste of bitter chocolate
The warmth of a flame
The severe burn of water, that is so often gentle
The softness of snow
The fun of climbing a tree
So in actuality
Responsibility wasn’t the only lesson here.

The night sky is gleaming
Just as it does every night
Stars peeking out
To wish hello to the world below
The girl and her star sit beneath a tree
Looking on, gazing at the sky above
Admiring the undeniable beauty it beholds
And offering a wave hello back
And then
A small droplet
Falls gently on her hand
Then another
And another
But how? The sky is clear tonight
Not a cloud in sight
The girl continues looking up
Whilst more drops trickle down
Starlight and moonshine, reflecting from her glistening eyes
She sniffs, then lifts up her hand
To wipe away the drops on her face.

“I’m okay as long as I don’t think about it.”
“But that doesn’t mean you should ignore it.”

*

This was a wonderful exchange I had with my brother. I was feeling stressed about something but concluded I was fine coping as long as I kept my mind off it.

But that doesn’t mean you should ignore it.

He was right. Ignoring it isn’t going to help. I should at least acknowledge what’s going on, even if I can’t do anything about it currently.

It reminded me of the importance of processing our thoughts and feelings. Too often, we push them aside and, despite being aware of them, never really think about them. It’s important to go through the motions of thinking over them, feeling the emotions – get angry, get upset – before finally reaching the light at the end of the tunnel.

Modern life means we’re not always free to fully feel our emotions – such as at school, work or just generally outside of our homes – and so we’re forced to hold ourselves together until we find a better time. But on the days when we can’t hold it together and we break – I believe there is no shame in that. It’s just our mind naturally processing as it needs to. It indicates you’ve held it together a little too long.

There’s definitely a balance that comes with this. While it’s unhealthy to bury our emotions away, it’s not necessarily any more helpful to obsessively think over them either. And I suppose that’s what we find most difficult. How much of this ‘thinking it over’ is too much? How do we know?

I can’t think of a good answer to that one. Even if I could, my answer would probably be different to yours. Again, I think it just comes naturally. Processing our thoughts is helpful to us… until we’ve finished. For me, once I’ve examined every little branch of thought, properly understood what it is I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it and what I can do about it – that’s when I know I’ve finished my ‘processing.’ I might come back to process more later but for now, I’ll try and do something else ease the stress it’s causing me. Or I might come up with a positive solution and try it. Sometimes it won’t work and then I’ll be back to do more processing. Every mind is different. We all work in different ways.

But the important thing is to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Don’t dismiss them as unimportant. You might not even need to come up with a solution right now or even at all. Even writing them down on paper helps. Write them down honestly – and I mean completely honestly, don’t feel the need to lie to yourself. There is something very liberating about writing down your true, unfiltered feelings.

If you’re lucky enough to have people who you’re comfortable sharing your innermost worries with, then that truly is amazing. But always remember, try to be comfortable enough with yourself too.

A glass swan proudly sits next to a burning fire.
Intense, raging flames… they scorch like nothing else.
The swan stays to enjoy the warmth
And the comforting sounds of crackling embers
Ignoring the burns on its side
Ignoring the little cracks on its chest.
“I can wipe away the burns!” exclaimed the swan.
“I’ll fix the cracks with glue!” The swan believed they were nothing.
But over time, more cracks grow.
More burns appear.
One day a crack will be appear
And be like a spear
Piercing right through you
Shattering you into pieces.
Will your glue mend you then?
How long will you endure?
How long until you realise… The fire may be warm
But it’s not where you should be.

Glass swan,
Will you stay here to get burned?
Or will you move yourself to the serenity of the lake?
Tell me,
What would you tell that glass swan to do?

Cover the sky with clouds
Don’t allow her to see
The sky she loves so much
The stars she dreamed about all her life
Take it away from her
As the bitter air that she endures
The frosty wind that she tolerates
Is making her cold
Allow her to step back inside
She knows she should
But the sky is too beautiful
“Let me stay here a little while longer”

Cover the sky with clouds
Take away her view
Of the stars that break her heart
Gently
Intensely
For what could be more heartbreaking
Than a clear view of the sky she loves
The stars she so adores
Too far for her to reach
Impossible for her to touch
That which can never be hers
So don’t keep her there
Persuade her to step back inside
It’s cold out here
Return her to the warmth
Even if only just for now

Cover the sky with clouds
Show her the other side
Of the sky she loves so much
Stars which can burn you
Then eventually disappear
The sky which is not always clear
It’s only darkness
Painted with patchy shadows
It isn’t always beautiful
Please won’t you tell her?
To quickly run back inside
Don’t suffer the cold any further
For a sky that is imperfect
“But that doesn’t matter” she thought
“I, too, am not perfect
Besides, your imperfections
I don’t understand it but
They don’t make me admire you any less
The warmth may be comfortable
But somehow I always find myself
Stepping outside again
Eventually”

***

This is part three of my ‘sky series’ of poems. If you haven’t read my other two, the links are below!