Rumor has it that Glenn Beck and Fox News may be parting ways after Beck’s contract runs out at the end of December. Moses may have parted the Red Sea but it was unthinkable that anyone could part the force that bonds the neurotic Beck with the iniquitous Fox News. Nevertheless, here we are and we must be prepared according to Stephen Colbert who has done just that. He has prepared us for the “Glennpocalyse” with his “Emergency Beck Pack.”

On Monday night’s Colbert Report, Stephen showed us all the goodies that come with Beck Pack, including beef stroganoff (just like Beck’s real life survival packs! Really that’s totally true.), all of Beck’s awesome tales – I mean – books – plus room for more of his unwritten books, and then there’s a special surprised that you’ll just have to watch the video to completely comprehend.

But what’s really and truly scary about this video is the Beck Pack itself. Just look at it. Who in their right mind could carry that thing around? Not to mention, could you imagine kids wearing that Beck Pack with that face on the back? Yeah, it’s a survival pack, but survival pack or not no one could survive that pummeling. And even if you weren’t wearing it to school, even if you were wearing it in the woods or in backpacking around looking for shelter during the Glennpocalyse, you would be eaten by bears.