Patti Smith: Just KidsI'm not much of a fan of either of the artists featured (Patti Smith and Robert Mappelthorpe), but the book is very compelling taking me into a new world and time that I was not really aware of. (***)

Interesting Thoughts

June 20, 2012

I wrote this for a private group on Facebook and thought it was worthy to share on my blog....

I was at a men's group on Sunday when 6 turned on women came to talk to the group. The word that popped up most was confidence. It got me thinking about the relationship between confidence and expectations.

I've long associated the idea of confidence with a high degree of certainty of results, which create expectations. I'm confident so I'm going to get her number and that's that. I realized that this finite game (even if the number leads to dinner leads to sex) is frustrating and empty. I'm exploring the idea of expectations that aren't beholden to results rather they are about what's inside. Do I expect that regardless of what she says or does that I am confident that I'm lovable, worthy, hot, etc.? Do I expect that when you say stroke lighter or higher that I am confident in knowing that I'm always doing it right?

I have this really strong knowing that, ironically, when I'm confident in who I am desired "classic" results will often manifest. And, importantly, even if they don't, I keep moving, when necessary boldly reclaiming my power, my sex, my soul. In that, I penetrate you, on infinite levels playing an infinite game.

And I'll make mistakes dammit! I'll try to save you when that's not at all what you want. You'll be at sad and I'll try to meet you with sexy. I'll think (and maybe even act like) I know when in fact I'm totally confused and lost. (Actually that last one you will probably know better and sooner than I will....).

All of that's ok, because if I'm not out making mistakes, I'm probably in making misery. So, maybe I'm ready for this huge shift. Maybe confidence isn't related to results oriented expectations as I've always thought. And I bet that's a really big step towards truly setting me free.

July 28, 2011

Admitting to myself that I'm human is a rather interesting experience. What seems so natural, is, well, confusing. How often I try to deny that I am....

For example, I've historically been horrible on myself with making mistakes. But isn't making mistakes part of the gig? Granted I've put myself in positions before where I was set up to make mistakes.

Take my career to date. For reasons too complicated to explain I became an accountant. My resume makes me perfectly qualified to do something that I absolutely hate. (yes, I said hate...) So, I would take the jobs, do really well at first and then the mistakes would come and the self imposed beatings would begin.

Actually, regardless of the mistake I'm hard on myself. You know why? Because I've been super worried about how other people think about it.

Curiously, I'm pretty easy on my daughter knowing that she makes mistakes either because she doesn't know better or she's just human. It's ok I tell her we all make mistakes. Wow, if I could only tell myself the same.

Embracing my humanness certainly connects me at some level to everyone else. We're all human. But what if they, like me, are super hard on themselves? And so far the only person to tell me they aren't was my psychiatrist....makes me wonder.

I can see myself using the excuse that "I'm human" to address a lot of lazy or self-centered behavior. That doesn't feel authentic.

I'm hoping that the more I embrace the fact that I'm human the more closely I can come to my divinity. Now that's a proposition worth working towards.

December 14, 2010

I'll admit that I spend a great deal of time trying to "catch" as much wisdom as possible. I think about what books I read, I try to remain curious alwyas looking at new things.

I am not Type A. In fact I don't really know what Type I am. Regardless, I don't really have a rigid approach to finding wisdom.

I'm starting to realize that some of the deepest and most meaningful pieces of wisdom come simply from chance. I met a woman last night through a friend who has beautiful children. Unfortunately, their father passed away a few years ago. It affected me deeply emotionally. However the honesty and directness of the woman was magnificent.

It taught me an awful lot about dealing with death. The fact is, I move on, I HAVE to.

My daughter of course imparts unbelievable pieces of wisdom to me. I think she's smarter than me in a lot of ways.

Madeleine L'Engle said: "That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along."

Perhaps the answer for me is to stop worrying about HOW I can find it and simply be present to the now. It feels like the most likely place that I will find wisdom.

October 20, 2010

Recently I've heard sportscasters say that an athlete is "in it" when they are playing well. It means that the player is in the moment and silencing the mind as much as possible.

I sincerely doubt that any of them contemplated that it's like a meditative state. It wouldn't seem right.....

"Brett Favre goes back to throw. The rush is on him, and I can hear him saying "Ohm" from up here. He throws the pass and it's complete! Favre is rushing to the sideline to sit beneath a banyan tree and contemplate silence...."

I do understand the difference however. When I play hoops (which I'm discovering as a long lost passion lately) if I'm in my head about the last missed shot or a bad defensive play, inevitably I don't perform at my best.

So, it's kind of simple to understand how being in silence or "in it" improves performance.

What do I do, however, if I'm fighting depression? It's unbelievably hard to be in anything. One of these days I'll learn how to handle it. But for now, let's just say that I'm not seeking any banyan trees out.

February 21, 2010

It's a pretty hot thing these days to develop a "personal brand". The topic of a personal brand is sort of obnoxious in my mind. I can create any kind of brand that I want which may or may not be congruent with who I am through packaging.

Then again, I just made a CD mix to play in my car. I can't help but wonder what people might think of me when I bump tunes like:

As Long as You Love Me by the Backstreet Boys

Only in My Dreams by Debbie Gibson

Sweet Dreams by Patsy Cline

For the Longest Time by Billy Joel

Granted these songs are mixed in with Gang of Four, Amy Winehouse, Gorillaz, Oasis and many others that I don't really worry about what people might think of when they hear it.

I'm supposed to go out with a friend this week and when I pick her up, I wonder what she'll think if she hears the tunes. Maybe I should just skip them, who knows?

I guess in some ways I do think about my "personal brand" when it suits me even though the topic nauseates me. Maybe THAT is what defines my personal brand. I guess that's a little flimsy eh?

January 27, 2009

But rather I was featured in a profile for a cool site called Story of My Life. They took me through a process that was fairly revealing for me regarding the journey of the work that I do that motivates me most, working with entrepreneurs.

August 07, 2008

I wonder, when writing my blog how transparent I really should be. When I first started, frankly, I didn't care and, not too surprisingly, it was a lot of fun. However, it seems like the stakes get higher when I feel like I have to filter my thoughts for personal branding.

Maybe the issue is that some level of consideration of personal branding leaves me open for misinterpretation of what I write and that's a little frustrating. I suppose when I just let it fly I was more comfortable in knowing exactly what I wanted to say and how I said it and if it was misinterpreted so be it. But when I consider shaping it in some way and it still is misunderstood, oy!

But I wonder whether personal transparency brings us closer together than personal brand building. (Candidly, I don't 100% understand the concept of personal brand building but I've met some people who have done it really well.)

When connecting to a personal brand do you connect to that person or their brand or maybe both?

I think brand building feels less emotionally revealing and that in some way less risky. Maybe that's a good thing, I'm just not sure that it's a skill I'm interested in learning. It doesn't feel quite as fun.

July 29, 2008

I've been thinking lately about why homeless people continue to live. To be clear, I'm not talking about someone who is perhaps down on their luck, maybe even for a few years. In that case, I guess there is some clear hope that he or she can get back to it.

I'm wondering about the people who go say 5+ years and seem to either go deeper into the hole or stay where they are with no upturn in site. I've seen people like this around my neighborhood, there never seems to be hope. Somehow, they wake up every morning with nothing and often nobody but they keep going.

I wonder what keeps them going. My presumption is that they are not particularly happy and unlikely to be happy in the near future. So, it's a life of sadness that perpetuates itself.

There's got to be something inside that keeps them going because it appears that there is no great reward outside for them. Who knows maybe they really are happy? (although I doubt it)

An interesting possibility may be that it doesn't matter whether they are happy or sad, that life is not necessarily meant to be a vectored journey towards happiness. That's certainly a challenging point of view and would make the issue make some level of sense.

One thing's for sure, a meaningful % of us that have something want to try to get those who don't out of it. Then again, we don't really care do we? If we really did, I feel like it would be solved on a larger scale than it is now.

July 18, 2007

I was wondering this morning what I think America values most. Freedom? Power? Diversity? (HA...just kidding, I didn't think that)

I think America values wealth more than anything else.

It drives much of our business and political global strategies, agendas and day to day decision making. It drives much of our personal lives and relationships.

And it's so illusory. I'm not saying that money is bad. It's an energy like anything else. And having it is great! I'm suggesting that it's temporary. I also think that it plays a role in why we fear death so much.

Fundamentally we have backed ourselves into such a corner regarding wealth as a means to establish our relative worth in our society that considering an afterlife where it means nothing is downright scary. It also makes the thirst for money unquenchable because you can seemingly never have enough.

I'm not judging the fact that we value money, just sharing my opinion. I wonder if the very pursuit of money as the ultimate objective in our country is what makes us such a global powerhouse. For some reason when I've traveled abroad I've found that tons of countries who apparently don't like us have tons of citizens who want to live here.

Well, maybe not the French in my experience, but even then there are lots of French folks here.

I wonder what our country would be like if we put our best constructive skills (being entrepreneurial, dreaming big, challenging the status quo, driving to excel and others) collectively to something other than money as the #1 goal.

Now if you've read much of my blog in the past you'll know where I'd like to see those energies put into: love.

Can you imagine how great this country would be if our #1 goal at all times was love? Then I think we could almost defensibly claim that we are the greatest country in the world, of course we'd never say it because we'd finally be humble!