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Monday, January 30, 2012

So I bet you've all heard about this. I can't take two steps in my high school without hearing the rave reviews. I'm sure you've seen the parodies that are funny yet respectful and not really even that harsh. You know what's coming. The Hunger Games. Oh Dear God. WHY? Why? Why? WHY??? I just...I can't...NO. No no no no no. I refuse.

If you're not quite on the ball with all new and upcoming popularity that the once secluded realm that is books is breaching, let me fill you in. In September of 2008 (oh yes, it's just getting big NOW) UK author Suzanne Collins released the first of a trilogy called The Hunger Games. And just to give you the accurate description, I went and got you the overview as told by Barnes and Noble. Go ahead, check. I'm not lying.

Could you survive on your own, in the wild, with everyone out to make sure you don't live to see the morning?

In the ruins of a place once known as North America lies the nation of Panem, a shining Capitol surrounded by twelve outlying districts. The Capitol is harsh and cruel and keeps the districts in line by forcing them all to send one boy and one girl between the ages of twelve and eighteen to participate in the annual Hunger Games, a fight to the death on live TV. Sixteen-year-old Katniss Everdeen, who lives alone with her mother and younger sister, regards it as a death sentence when she is forced to represent her district in the Games. But Katniss has been close to dead before-and survival.

Sounds exciting right? Wrong. I tried to love this book. I really did. I tried to fall in love with it. But, I just couldn't. Now I'm going to tell you guys something that is completely going to disqualify my rant as soon as you hear it, but I'm not a bigot, so I'm going to say it.

I read the Twilight series. AND I liked it.

I know.

Now before you go off on me, I would like the chance to explain. The biggest reason I enjoyed Twilight was because when I read it, I was in the "target audience". I was 12 or 13. I was in the preteen glory that is oh so susceptible to the stupid promises of consumable reading material.

Now years passed and after wasting several hours just trying to endure what Summit Entertainment presumes is "quality" theatre. In translation, I wanted to claw my eyes out and puncture my eardrums over and over and over again. What was this madness? Why is it all so idealistic? WHY IS GOD'S NAME DID I WILLINGLY GO TO A CHICK FLICK?!??!?!?!!!!

I will not take that back. And guys, don't even try to defend yourself. It's a chick flick, through and through. And if you even try to come at me with, "but what about all the sex and manliness in the last one??" Well, I WOULD take that into consideration had that movie not been deemed PG-13. So have fun with all those "sex" scenes. Maybe you'll even see people besides Taylor Lautner without a shirt on. OH GOLLY GEE!!!

So in an attempt to prove to myself that the movie industry had yet again destroyed all things sacred to me, I reread the series. Oh boy was THAT a mistake.

It didn't make sense. How could I have glorified something so...so...banal? It was the Clique series all over again, except this time, they turned it into the worst Sci-Fi I'd ever seen. And I watched the new Star Wars, so I know what I'm talking about.

Now I know what's next in your minds. HARRY POTTER!! YOU MUST LOVE HARRY POTTER! YESSS! ..........no.

Now I can't even fully discredit the Potter fans out there. Truth is when Harry Potter came out, it came out at the prime time for my brother, three years my elder. However for me....not so much. I was too young, my attention span too sparse to even consider J.K. Rowlings' monster of a series. I mean that in a good way. Really. But to a six year old, a book a depth thicker than my body just screamed BORING.

Unfortunately, when I did begin, not so shortly after to LOVE and I mean LOVE reading and books and the fantastical world that it offered, Harry Potter had passed. It had faded away with the generation before me. Now not literally because once Harry Potter was out, it was out forever. To this day, I'm still sure that when my grandchildren have grandchildren, it will be a book revered. It will be their Mother Goose stories.

Now let's not get too off track here. Like I said, Harry Potter has passed me. And now with a myriad of books in a reservoir just waiting to be read, I dare not even think of throwing Harry in there. Although, maybe next summer...

So Hungry Games. Sorry, Hunger Games. Same thing. So that overview sounded pretty sweet, huh? That's what I thought. Anything even resembling the Apocalypse or a Post-Apocalyptic world (hellooo 9) screamed out to me from the dark abyss of books. That and it was recommended by a family member whom I trust.

Unfortunately the Hunger Games and I were not meant to be. I tried guys, I mean it. But...nothing. And I mean NOTHING. It just didn't do it for me.

The names were too far fetched, the concept was too ridiculous and for my personal selection it was wasn't grounded enough for me. After my deviation from the darkness that I usually read into Twilight, I made sure to never make that mistake again. And so therefore the Hunger Games trilogy gets two thumbs down from me.

Now look, I'm not trying to say, "Oh this book sucks and it's terrible and it should never have been published and if you like it you're a douche." NO, that's not at all what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is this book was not something I enjoyed. I didn't even finish it. I couldn't. I read half. And that was still too much. I know this is great for some people. So if you haven't read it, go out there and give it a try.

This was just my two cents (God, I'm ancient) on a popular book that I thought needed to be expressed.

However if this review sounds exactly like your thoughts, I'm currently reading a fantastic book. Which is also part of a trilogy. That's how I like my books, short and sweet. And by that I mean the author doesn't try to push good material past it's due date. I'M TALKING TO YOU HOLLYWOOD.

About Me

I am Jess. I am 19. I am awkward. That is pretty much all you need to know. I am also funny. That is also important. I also normally use contractions most of the time, usually when they combine to make words that are not words.