Next Time, At Least Bring Wine

At a Glance

It promts, "Tell people a little about yourself." Cards on the table...I have Bipolar...in spades! I also have this cat I love. An orange tabby named Richard Parker (lifted from the novel and movie "Life of Pi.") I mention him first because he loves me, and I love him with an unconditional love. He is wonderful therapy, and often knows what is going on with me before I do. I have a beautiful son, and a husband who is a minister, currently serving as a chaplain for a hospice organization. I'm into this adult coloring. I am always reading. Novels, comics, magazine articles, devotionals and the Bible. I listen to books as well. I love my Kindle Fire. I'm a caretaker for my mom. That one is a long story that will unfold here. I adore song birds and beautiful colored birds. I love zoos and aquariums. Museums, too. However, I have many physical issues holding me back now. That story will be another that unfolds. I love water. So glad I live near a river. Oceans, waterfalls, rain, and I even visited Niagara Falls, flying overhead in a helicopter. I did the latter with a dear friend who I eventually ended up losing because of a crappy manic spell, during which I was apparently a crummy person and friend. That has happened a lot. I think I'm getting better about that because I'm opening up more. I'm working on becoming more vulnerable, transparent and real. This has scared people off, but the ones who stay around, those lovlies have been solid friendships for years.
"Tell people a little about yourself" it prompts. There isn't anything little about me. Even when I was a kid, young, "little" girl, so much lurking, menacing. I think I've been Bipolar forever. I wasn't diagnosed until 2004, however. This was after a terrible manic, psychotic breakdown. In front of my husband. In front of my three year old son. In all of my life, I'll never know what that did to them.
This blog will have two authors. Hopefully three. Depressed, Hypo/Manic. And the third is the self who tries to remain stable, level and walking the line. I hope to share something that might help someone. I look forward to talking with folks, if they so wish. I want people to become educated. I've got a lot I want to do, and I'm sure this will become more and more tailored.
Thanks if you decide to join me in the this journey. Let's survive both the fear and excitement of the BP Roller Coaster.

Month: December 2017

So, I just watched a movie called “Rememory.” After finishing this grand-scoped, thought-provoking movie, I was left pondering this question while dabbing at tears.

If you could erase heartbreaking, devastating, tragic memories, would you do it?

Why?

How would that change you as a person? How would that affect who you are now?

And a somewhat different question – are some memories, some events, best left forgotten. Best buried as a way for your mind to protect you?

Okay, so I lied. I posed more than one question. Four or five, I guess.

Another movie years back had me kicking ideas around like this. I’m quite certain it was the film’s intention, of course, and well done. “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” Did you see it?

I think I need all of my memories, despite knowing I have been robbed of some. Possibly I should edit the word “despite” and instead use “especially.”

I need my memories because even the bad have a reason of existing. Bad forces me to appreciate good. Loss helps me recognize what beauty I do have.

So yeah, even if I could push the button that wipes away all bad, I would not press it. Though, I will readily, and with speed, advise you to hide that button from me because tomorrow, I could most vehemently disagree with what I think now, and smack that sucker in efforts to rid myself of the burdens and pains of the day.

I’m stuck. I have tried and tried to write an entry describing how I’m feeling, what’s going on, blah, blah. It’s not happening. Truth is, right now I’m doing well to manage this place where I’m stuck, just hovering above depression ~ dark places, dark ideas. Maybe tomorrow will bring something better.

Interesting article about time-out’s and how it could affect your emotions and mood.

For me, I either desperately need time alone and no noise, or I am so lonely and need interaction in person, online, etc.

I think, as with most things in life, it’s all about balance. Finding balance can be tricky, though, especially if you live in extremes. And if I only had one sentence to describe Bipolar, I would say it is all about existing in one extreme state, or its opposite.