Places To Break Up With Someone: The London Edition

We did the hard part for you.

LOL: 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 9/10

Sometimes, like a classic East London pop-up selling deconstructed foods, things just need to end.

Breaking up is never easy, and it’s usually a difficult conversation to have. However whilst you can’t control how the other person will react, you can control the surroundings in which they will react.

That’s why if for some reason (man bun getting out of control/they live in zone 6) you want to end things with bae, we gathered up some of the best spots in London to break up with your special now-not-so-special someone.

Cr: Sweet London Photography

You can thank us later.

(They probably won’t.)

Standing between Westminster Abbey and Big Ben

Recall that ceremonious day when Kate married Wills at Westminster Abbey, and point at Big Ben and say, “clock’s ticking, if you aren’t going to ask me, someone else will.”

At A Busy Station (London Bridge/Waterloo/Victoria) At Rush Hour

If you’re opting for a friendly break up, simply say your goodbyes and then release your ex-beau onto the London tube rush hour. That way you can say, “see, don’t worry, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea – swim free now!”

Say everything you need to say as you enter the library, and if they have any counter-arguments, simply respond with “shh, no talking – this is a library.”

At The Sky Garden on 20 Fenchurch Street (The Walkie Talkie Building)

The trick here is to break up with him/her while you’re outside the building, and if things get messy, simply enter and quickly take the lift up all 35 storeys to the top floor. How’s that for ‘I need some space’? (This one also works at other high-rise buildings e.g. the Shard is a good option if you’re also looking to have a nice rebound meal after)

Renting A Boris (“Santander”) Bike

Cr: Photoshot

Keep it short and simple with a visual aid. Let them know that like a Boris Bike, they’re a pain in the butt. And their time is up.

At A Pret-A-Manger

Let them choose their favourite sandwiches and treats from Pret and then when you go to pay and the cashier asks, “eating in?” respond with a “no, eating out.” Then swiftly turn to your S.O. and note, “and that’ll be the only kind of eating out you’ll be doing from now on.” (This one only works for some couples obvs)

On A Bench By Embankment, Facing The London Eye

Take a seat on one of those romantic benches along the river, and point at the London eye. Explain that like the London Eye, this relationship a) has reached its final cycle and b) is not worth the money.

Wait for the night bus to arrive, tell them to get on, and then say, “from now on, this is the only one taking you home.”

Feeding The Ducks At Hyde Park

Get together with some bread and feed it to the animals by the Serpentine Lake. As your soon-to-be-ex is handing out the food to the ducks and swans, look him/her seriously in the eye and say, “you’ll make some bird very happy one day…”

And Finally, Tell Them To Meet You At Leicester Square/Oxford Street at Christmas time.

Know any good break up spots of your own? Let us know in the comments!

N.B.: This is a joke piece, we recommend you don’t just pick up someone’s heart and rip it into shreds at any of these places or in any of these ways. Don’t be an animal/London fox! (But do check out these sites, they’re cool)