Miley Cyrus – A Reader Rant

Over the weekend, DNfromMN I think was the first to tell me about the new Miley Cyrus photos that had surfaced. Of course her spokesperson says they are old news and old photos. To me that sounds like Miley either has been doing this since she was 13 or the spokesperson is ready for some hotter new photos too because is tired of being teased by a 15 year old. I just thought it was the oddest statement. Old photos? Maybe Miley just had one wild weekend and that is where all these photos came from. She and Nick Jonas went on a three day bender and got wasted and took racy photos together. The photo is dated October 20, 2007 which would be about two months prior to the first set of sexy photos being released. Hell, I don't know when or where the photos were taken, but apparently the fact that I chose to ignore the story and not do one of my rants directed to Miley prompted the same reader who wrote about The Hills/Washington DC to direct a strongly worded letter to Miley.

Oh, here's something. If you want to be cool and hip right now in LA, the catch phrase to use is “strongly worded letter.” Yep, all because of The Mighty B. If you don't know who or what a Mighty B is, I suggest you run off to YouTube. If that doesn't get you moving, then how about the fact that Amy Poehler, creates, writes and stars in it. Now go, go, go, but before you do, a strongly worded letter to Miley Cyrus.

Dear Miley,

Hey, I was 15 once. (though we won't discuss how long ago) I get it. And fortunately for me, I wasn't 15 under the microscope of fame. However, I was also not 15 with millions of dollars and a financially secure future. So, you'll understand my difficulty in feeling bad for you. Oh sure, you're just being a kid. Or is tween the proper term, nowadays?

Here, I beg to differ. I've never taken pictures of myself in a wet t-shirt in the shower or in my underwear in bed. Ok ok, so maybe I was just a nerd who couldn't get laid if she came to school naked. Maybe I didn't lose my virginity til I was over the age of 30. THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!!! (oops, sorry Miley, was getting a little Kanye on you) Point is, I'm a girl who no one would look twice at if my sexy photos were leaked on the internet and I still know better! (ok…maybe they'd look twice…hell, I hope SOMEONE would look twice.)

What's the matter, Miley? Is Ashley Tisdale's new nose catching Nick Jonas' eye? Or is it the age old child star cop out plea of “I'm growing up in the public eye, I didn't ask to be a role model!” Yeah well, while you were busy counting your piles of money and trying to decide between the Hummer and the Porsche for your 16th birthday, I guess you forgot to read the little clause about the downsides of fame. Again, I'm having a hard time finding any sympathy for you in my knock off Kate Spade bag.

And while we're at it, let's talk about how much worse this makes you look for the Annie Leibowitz debacle. Forget the fact that your manufactured, over commercialized, plastic ass insulted one of the greatest photographers of our time. Hell, who knew Annie was holding you back so much? After all of your and Daddy Dermabrasion's statements of your being taken advantage of by the Vanity Fair people, how are you going to explain this? What? It's just another glitch in the new iPhone?

Like I said: I get it. You're just the average 15 year old worth 50 million dollars trying to find your way in this big bad world. Your trials and tribulations are the things that keep me up at night. Will I get tickets to the midnight screening of Dark Knight; What third grade reading level word will the President mispronounce next; and will Miley's desperate cries for validation be displayed on the gossip blogs of the world?

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