This is excellent! The rhyme scheme really works and this would definitely be a cool rock song! Any ideas as to the chords it might go by? (The cursing could be switched with other words though) But besides that, great start to a song!

I love it. I think it wants a few more stanzas to make it a full song, but otherwise brilliant. I have to say I disagree with madcaleb on the cursing, I feel they really get the drive and emotion into the piece. Keep up the good work!

Blinded by the exertions of manI stumble through the haze of modern malfunctions