The First Part of Henry IV:

Act 3, Scene 3

Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH.

FALSTAFF1Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action?
2do I not bate? do I not dwindle? Why my skin hangs
3about me like an like an old lady's loose gown; I
4am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I'll repent,
5and that suddenly, while I am in some liking; I
6shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have
7no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what
8the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn,
9a brewer's horse: the inside of a church! Company,
10villanous company, hath been the spoil of me.

FALSTAFF12Why, there is it: come sing me a bawdy song;
13make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a
14gentleman need to be; virtuous enough; swore
15little; diced not above seven times a week; went
16to a bawdy-house once in a quarterof an hour;
17paid money that I borrowed, three of four
18times; lived well and in good compass: and
19now I live out of all order, out of all
20compass.

BARDOLPH21Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you
22must needs be out of all compass, out
23of all reasonable compass, Sir John.

FALSTAFF29No, I'll be sworn; I make as good use of it as many
30a man doth of a Death's-head or a memento mori: I
31never see thy face but I think upon hell-fire and Dives
32that lived in purple; for there he is in his robes,
33burning, burning. If thou wert any way given
34to virtue, I would swear by thy face; my oath
35should be 'By this fire, that's God's angel:' but
36thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed,
37but for the light in thy face, the son of utter
38darkness. When thou rannest up Gadshill in the
39night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst
40been an ignis fatuus or a ball of wildfire, there's no
41purchase in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph,
42an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a
43thousand marks in links and torches, walking with thee
44in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but the sack
45that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights
46as good cheap at the dearest chandler's in Europe. I
47have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any
48time this two and thirty years; God reward me for it!

Hostess54Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John? do you
55think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched,
56I have inquired, so has my husband, man by man,
57boy by boy, servant by servant: the tithe of a hair
58was never lost in my house before.

FALSTAFF59Ye lie, hostess: Bardolph was shaved and lost many
60a hair; and I'll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go
61to, you are a woman, go.

Hostess62Who, I? no; I defy thee: God's light, I was
63never called so in mine own house before.

Hostess65No, Sir John; You do not know me, Sir John. I know
66you, Sir John: you owe me money, Sir John; and now
67you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it: I bought you a
68dozen of shirts to your back.

FALSTAFF69Dowlas, filthy dowlas: I have given them away to
70bakers' wives, and they have made bolters of them.

Hostess71Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight
72shillings an ell. You owe money here besides,
73Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and
74money lent you, four and twenty pound.

FALSTAFF77How! poor? look upon his face; what call you rich?
78let them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks: I'll
79not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of
80me? shall I not take mine case in mine inn but I shall
81have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my
82grandfather's worth forty mark.

Hostess83O Jesu, I have heard the prince tell him, I
84know not how oft, that ring was copper!

FALSTAFF85How! the prince is a Jack, a sneak-cup: 'sblood, an
86he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog, if he
87would say so.

Enter the PRINCE marching [with PETO,]and FALSTAFF meets him playing on histruncheon like a fife.

88How now, lad! is the wind in that
89door, i' faith? must we all march?

FALSTAFF112There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed
113prune; nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn
114fox; and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the
115deputy's wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go

FALSTAFF149The king is to be feared as the lion: dost thou
150think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? nay, an
151I do, I pray God my girdle break.

PRINCE HENRY152O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy
153knees! But, sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth,
154nor honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up
155with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with
156picking thy pocket! why, thou whoreson, impudent,
157embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket
158but tavern-reckonings, memorandums of bawdy-houses,
159and one poor penny-worth of sugar-candy to make thee
160long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any
161other injuries but these, I am a villain: and yet you will
162stand to if; you will not pocket up wrong: art thou
163not ashamed?

FALSTAFF164Dost thou hear, Hal? thou knowest in the state of
165innocency Adam fell; and what should poor Jack
166Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have
167more flesh than another man, and therefore more
168frailty. You confess then, you picked my pocket?

FALSTAFF187I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one
188that can steal well? O for a fine thief, of the age of
189two and twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously
190unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels,
191they offend none but the virtuous: I laud them, I
192praise them.

PRINCE HENRY195Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
196To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.

[Exit Bardolph.]

197Go, Peto, to horse, to horse; for thou and I
198Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.

[Exit Peto.]

199Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall
200At two o'clock in the afternoon.
201There shalt thou know thy charge; and there receive
202Money and order for their furniture.
203The land is burning; Percy stands on high;
204And either we or they must lower lie.