subscribe

Pages

Monday, August 3, 2009

Monday, August 3, 2009

When it comes to cakes, I'm usually a pretty tolerant person. (Mostly. Ok, sort of. Look, just humor me, Ok?)

However, there's a new "Deco Kit" running rampant through our nations bakeries that, quite frankly, must be stopped. In fact, it's not so much a kit as it is a creepy garnish. Let's see if you can spot it in this photo:

"Oh, look at the pretty caAAAEEEIIIII!!!!"

Yes, those are in fact giant, disturbingly life-like, (yet mercifully plastic) ants - or as bakers are calling them, "the new sprinkles."

Which might explain why they're popping up everywhere.

See, two ants are good...

Three are better...

But four equals "display only". Good to see there are limits.

For some reason watermelon cakes suffer the most from these pesky "antics":

Because, really, how else could you make this cake less appetizing?

It's always good to have insects on the brain while eating a cake covered in black specks.

And yes, please, let's put Old Glory on there to remind everyone that only we Americans could produce the double-whammy Wreckage of both a CCC (cupcake cake) AND the GAG (Giant Ant Garnishes). Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?

I met my husband for the first time at the airport in Atlanta ... where there are giant, plastic ants crawling across the rafters in baggage claim for whatever reason. They are weird but they broke the ice and gave us something to talk about. So although I have some sort of fondness for large, plastic ants, these are wholly unappetizing.

Haha! I must admit that I once decorated my husband's birhday cake with a border of pink roses and green leaves - and a group of small green caterpillars marching straight across. Kind of cute!(he is an enthomologist)

I must admit that I once decorated my husband's birthday cake with a border of sweet pink roses and green leaves - and a group of green caterpillars crawling across. (He collects butterflies, so he had it coming) Kind of cute!

and here I am fighting ants with ant bait inside the house...which I am not sure is safe. I bet I killed two dozen at this very computer table yesterday. What will they think of next? a poison ant bait cake? or how about a cake in the shape of an ant trap? yum

Omg. Yes, ants at picnics are a given. We don't need to go creating an homage to them, or any of the other disgusting realities of life. As someone already said, the next steps are flies and roaches, and while you are at it, don't forget what happens to your food after you eat it!Don't forget the bacterial component of disgestion, or of decomposing uneaten food! Make a cake for that, bakers, if you are so intent on crossing the line!!Cakes are supposed to be happy and celebrating!!!NOT gory reminders of pestilence!

I will not be able to eat outdoors for a while now. And we also had a problem with those giant black carpenter ants this year. Alex

Honestly, who thinks of stuff like that?!? Unless you have a child who really likes bugs and you make a bug themed cake, who would want them on a cake? Especially any cake that was suppose to resemble food, ew!

Okay, I have to say: GAG is right!!I grew up on a farm where we had to horse-spray our house once a week against flies, so I'll take the ants any day. Besides, the little black ones are good for you!(T. Sturgeon's "the Synthetic Man.")

You know, there's a restaurant in Mississippi called the Blow Fly Inn that puts plastic flies on every plate of food that leaves the kitchen. This plastic insect thing is really getting out of control!

OK, now normally I agree with you on what makes an unappetizing cake, but I must defend the GAGs. If I know an ant is interested in eating the cake, no matter how disgusting it may look, some part of my brain turns on and says "Hey, look, the ant wants it! you don't want the ant to eat all that, do you? No. So go eat it! Now!" It seems a highly effective way of moving bad cakes. And besides, they're kinda cute, aren't they?

I had a picture of an ant cake for almost two months on my camera that I kept meaning to send you...it had Airbrushing, piles of "dirt" aka chocolate crumbs, and then the giant ants--and then my camera broke and the picture is gone FOREVER!!!! Too bad...it was AWESOME

I am afraid I have to respectfully disagree about the first cake being a wreck. (it's not amazing, either.) It's not my thing, but I could see it appealing to the right kind of quirky picnic attendee. At least the icing in evenly colored and applied.

I like the first one, ants and all. But the fail is all over those other ones. Ants and picnics.. I get that. Ants and watermelon...not so much. Nothing you could put on top of those would save those watermelon cakes.

This just reminds me of both litterbox cake and dirt pudding (you know, cake crumbles with pudding and gummy worms in a ceramic pot? My husband used to make it when he was little). By comparison, I can't say I find it that gross. I think ants are cute, and definitely better than flies!

I haven't seen any of these yet at our local wreckery but if I did, I would totally buy one as a joke for my friend who when we went camping together was FREAKED out by the HUGE carpenter ants that were everywhere... (insert evil cackle) :-)

Yuck! Like Julie, I have those ginormous carpenter ants too. And how about a great big WTF for the watermelon cakes. Even without the ants, they deserve a hearty WTF???

The first watermelon cake resembles one of those horrifying STD photos they show you in health class. The second watermelon cake has actually managed to capture the idea of "watermelon"- just one that was cut open while unripe. And the 3rd, the CCC (snort....snoooooort....hoccck-retcch...pa-TOOEY!!!) bears a vague, cartoonish resemblance to a squirt of Aquafresh toothpaste. With black specks and ants on it.

Today, giant plastic ants. Tomorrow, giant plastic roaches, or even rats. Gosh, what is the world of cake decorating coming to? WV: "wasta"...Too easy. "The specimens on todays Cake Wrecks entry are nothin' but a wasta perfectly good cake!"

so, is that second one supposed to be a red and white checkered table cloth? if so, the airbrushing is terrible! if not, then I don't have a clue what it is! and those watermelons? wow. eww. that melted one in particular. just eww.

For my mother-in-law's birthday yesterday, we ate a very pretty watermelon ice cream cake... that was covered in the GAG. One of them was even sitting up perched on the edge of the cake. These were not plastic, but had been piped with butter cream. I ate them. Yum.

For my mother-in-law's birthday yesterday, we ate a very pretty air brushed (it actually wasn't a bad job with the air brushing) watermelon ice cream cake... that was covered in the GAG. One of them was even sitting up perched on the edge of the cake. These were not plastic, but had been piped with butter cream. I ate them. Yum.

Yep, saw these at my local mega chain grocery store bakery yesterday. It's sorta a new concept for me - remembering to take a camera when I go grocery shopping - but just wait til I get my next mobile phone upgrade!

Holy hell, is that last CCC really supposed to be a watermelon?! REALLY!!??? Because what says watermelon like an amorphous-wonky-v-shaped line of cupcakes with ants on them? I'll tell you! An amorphous-wonky-v-shaped line of cupcakes with ants on them AND American flags! Yep, that really just ties the room together, does it not?

I have to say the GAG phenomenon was not something I had ANTicipated. Wreckerators never cease to amaze.

The first one is actually kinda well-made (the placement of the ants on the cake is actually cute -- they're going for toppings on the cake). The others aren't horrible... 'til you get to the watermelons.

And BTW, some ANTibodies can actually make you sick, but it's usually not with INSECTious disease.

I was waiting for these to turn up...We had a large box of these ants for decorating ice cream cakes when I worked at Dairy Queen...I never saw them go on a cake, but off-cake they are kinda cute, and I took a couple home.

@Annelise:Ha! Had forgotten the Blow Fly Inn. Someho that is different. The food there is not a wreck for one. Maybe that it is an original place and unique helps. Also, the plastic flies look like horse flies not blow flies, which would be much worse. You made me want catfish!Did the Inn survive Katrina?

The cakes meant to look like a picnic, the ants make sense to me and it doesn't gross me out enough I'd lose my appetite. The first cake, though...*turns green as the frosting* WHY are there ants on that one? That is just disgusting and I do not care how obvious it is the ants are not real; just the thought of eating a piece of that cake makes me want to hurl.

Is it wrong that I actually think the ants are really cute? Is it worse that I am wondering where I could get some for the next party I have? And is it worse still that I had decided not to have a birthday party this year, but now I begin to reconsider *just* because of the possibility of a cake with decorative ants on it?

When I looked at the first cake, trying to spot the creepiness, at first I thought it was something to do with the green icing. It made me feel a little ill, in fact I've been known to turn that colour when I'm really sick. Then I noticed the ants, which look like they could administer a very nasty sting. I sort of get the ones where the ants are part of a picnic theme, but the cakes are so ugly I just wish the ants would hurry up and devour them, especially that first watermelon cake, although I don't think any self respecing ant would want to eat something that looked like an incurable disease. I have to admit, though, that the last ccc (bleahhh! snort! patoooeyyyyy!) would look kind of nice if they just filled in the curve properly with a couple more red ones.

I have to admit that I made a cake shaped like a PB&J sandwich for our elementary school fundraising cake auction this year, and I made little ants out of chocolate to go on top. I thought it was cute and the kids went crazy for it. My cake brought in $35!

Oh, I agree that maggots (let's say, for the sake of argument, rubber or gummi ones) would've been ever so much ickier. Although, from a my perspective, really tiny ants--and TONS of them scattered about--would be more "picnicky" than the ones from the Big & Cutsie aisle.Don't lets veer off the path of the main objective, though--which is (obviously) to distract the eye from noticing how pitiful-looking the cakes themselves are...

I would like to point out that I do the ordering for all the cake kits as head decorator in the bakery I work in, and I REFUSE to order these, no matter how many of my coworkers tell me how "cuuuuute" they are! Ha!

I just got a catalog of novelty items from China -- it's meant as a toy catalog, or a source of freebies or quick sales at festival events. But I did notice "Life-Like Ants" as one of the items for sale, and I wondered who really needed such things.

I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at "Wouldn't want some other country claiming this one, now, would we?" Your blog is truly amazing and I check it out every day! My Monday just got way better!

I did the whole "Groaning while throwing your hands up to your face and turning your head to the side, saying 'That's hoooorible.' the entire time; Only to continue groaning as you slowly slide your hands down your face, pulling your cheeks with them and making you look like your face is melting off." thing.

Anonymous said... "Those GAGs look about as big as the oriental cockroaches I squashed in my garage last week."*****Just a thought: maybe you'd have felt differently about them if--instead of Oriental cockroaches--they had been "ornimental" cockroaches.=^>.<^=

While I concede that the judiciously placed ant might enhance a cake with, say, a picnic theme, indicrminANT use of them is just silly as well as off-putting.And what's with the CCC? Celebrating the buiding of the walls between the Catholic and the Protestant areas in Belfast? Was that US-sponsored? I had no idea. Or, why the flags? *tongue firmly in cheek*

WV: caropsup - When I look at that smooshed watermelon cake my lunch just caropsup

If they're going to have giant ants - shouldn't they have a radioactive blue frosting corner, screaming B-movie victims, and little toy marines battling them in the LA Sewer system like in the movie THEM!!!

My opinion of these awful cakes/CCC is they flopped in the oven and the bakery people just had to use up the leftover frostings to cover up the mess ! The ants are never cute on food and it confirms my dislike for plastic junk on cakes...lazy, untalented decorators !

Anonymous said... "If they're going to have giant ants - shouldn't they have a radioactive blue frosting corner, screaming B-movie victims, and little toy marines battling them in the LA Sewer system like in the movie THEM!!!"****But then it wouldn't be a "wreck"!!That whole scene would be fANTastically awesome!!!I would BUY that!=^OO^=

These cakes remind me of a story I wrote when I was about 5. Perhaps it's all a ploy to leave more care for the grown-ups.

"There once lived a hamburger. His daddy was a Big Mac, and his mother was a Whopper. The baby was a Whopper that only a mouse could eat. His relatives were the French Fries, Chicken McNuggets and the Cokes came over for a birthday party. They made a cake. It was supposed to be for Chicken McNugget's birthday. They ate all the cake. They made another one. Every big person made it except Chicken McNugget. They put fake bugs all over the cakes so that the kids will think they are real and won't eat the cake. The French Fries made some Sprite to drink for the birthday party. And soon they got a new swimming pool. The kids threw the fake bugs into the pool. The kids ate the cake all gone. The parents made a new cake. They put 1,000 tarantulas in on the frosting (fake ones made of frosting). The kids did not take one single bite. The kids gave their aunt a humongous mansion. Since the aunt brought her baby along, they gave the baby a rattle. The end."

I work in a bakery and I don't want to say how many of these i made. For some odd reason people LOVED them. Not only that but one lady even referred to them as "cute". As much as this disturbed me - I get paid to make cakes such as these so I just went with it. The other cake decorator and myself were equally as confused and disgusted as you lol!

This is one of the simplest and most astonishing ways to wreck a cake I've ever seen. I'm a habitual apologist for cake wrecks: they delivered what they thought the customer wanted; they were working with limited skill; they didn't have all day. I'm not a bugaphobe. I've eaten live ants (they're good, crunchy and a little tart, almost lemony). But I don't want giant ants on my cake.

I am the lead baker at a Kroger owned grocery store, and I can say that the GAG's are part of a mandatory "summertime" theme that our cake decorators have to include, handed down from corporate on high. Just like each bakery is required to have a certain amount of god awful CCCs on hand at all times. It is important to keep in mind that these days, the average grocery store decorator has around Level 1 Wilton experience, and rather than improving those skills, Kroger (and Wallyworld) choose to cater to them with huge amounts of plastic crap.

I totally made my son an anthill cake for his insect-themed 2nd birthday. But his had hundreds of ants. And it was pretty yummy. And it was covered in graham cracker "dirt". In fact, it was not the worst cake I've ever made.

I'm willing to excuse the plastic ants, but only because one of the cakes Wally World had on display a while ago was covered in real ones. If I recall correctly, it was an over-iced cupcake cake. (Ptooie!)

Giant ants were the 'villain' in at least two episodes of The Outer Limits, which is what I think of when I see these wrecks.

If these wreckerators wanted to be really cute and clever, they would use life-size plastic ants. Helps get rid of those pesky 'customers' so you have more time for important things, like posting resumes.

Search This Blog

Wreck the Halls

NEW! Pre-Order Today!

Buy the Book

Buy the NYT Bestseller

What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

order

Where's the book?

We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.

Ordering Info

Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.

We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.