Bruised and broken: Isabel's story

Published 7:00 pm, Sunday, October 7, 2007

It's only been a few days since her hasty flight from her Houston area home, only a few days since her husband launched a pair of steel-toed boots at her head, then, as she lay on the ground, kicked and punched the 6-week pregnant teenager all over her body.

By STEFANIE THOMAS

Isabel, whose real name cannot be disclosed for her protection, arrived at The Door, a battered women's shelter in Humble, with her 2-year-old son, Danny, in tow. With three fractures to her face, a tear to her placenta, which nearly caused her to lose her unborn baby, and orange-sized bruises all over, her only possessions were a few bags of clothing and about $30 in cash, given to her by benefactors who took pity on the young mother.

Isabel joined nearly 30 other women and children of all age groups at the shelter. She is grateful that she found a home, at least for the time being. The Door provides for all her needs, and those of Danny, too: food, diapers, a semi-private room, toys, clothing, legal and psychological counseling, transportation and much more.

Isabel was able to keep her pregnancy in spite of the physical and emotional trauma inflicted by her husband. Since she left home, the bleeding has stopped, the stomach pains have subsided and her unborn baby seems to be doing fine.

The conditions at the shelter may be a little crowded but the residents at The Door know that they are the lucky ones, the ones who got away.

SCARY STATISTICS

"In 2006, 120 women died in Texas at the hands of men who professed to love them," said Judy Cox, executive director at FamilyTime. "The youngest domestic violence victim was 14, the oldest, 68."

Seventeen of the deaths occurred in Harris County, the highest number among all other Texas counties, surpassing even Dallas County. In Montgomery County, Diana Sarmiento Roldna, a 27-year-old Conroe woman, was shot and killed by her boyfriend in an apparent murder-suicide.

Isabel had tried to leave her husband before, her high-school sweetheart whom she eventually married in 2005, but she returned to her husband after a few months, wanting to believe his promises that things would be different this time around. She bought into his tears of regret and his pleas for her return.

"I was back on his turf, on his terms. Altogether we must have reconciled six or seven times," Isabel admitted. "We never lasted for more than two weeks without him hitting me again."

Cox noted that the tendency of domestic violence victims to return to their abusers is a difficult habit to break.

"If someone tells you for years that you're worthless, that you can't make your own decisions, that you're stupid, that you deserve to be beaten like an animal, that you can't take care of yourself and that you are financially dependent on him — chances are that you come to believe it," she explained.

"Besides, these women are terrified of their men and with good reasons. They know that if they call the police, the abuser will most likely be released within 24 hours. Those women are afraid that if they seek help and betray their men like that, they might get killed."

CYCLE OF ABUSE

As Isabel reflects on her own childhood, she realizes that she has been stuck in a vicious cycle of abuse ever since she was a little girl. She calls it the "generational curse."

"My dad was verbally and, at times, physically abusive to me and my mom. I was raised that way. That's how my parents portrayed a relationship," she recalled. "A woman from a good home would flip if her husband even tried to lay a hand on her. She'll wonder how other women can stay in an abusive relationship. Well, a woman who grows up with violence knows no different."

Breaking the cycle is difficult, to say the least, because 95 percent of domestic violence incidents occur at the hands of men. Cox believes that more education is needed for all male members of society.

"Men usually don't speak up when they see verbal or even physical abuse. That sends the message to the batterer that there is really nothing wrong with what he's doing," Cox explained. "We need for other men to stand up against domestic violence and stop their friends from showing their sons this terrible way to treat women. Men need to hold other men accountable."

As Isabel's bruises slowly begin to fade and her fractures start to heal, she becomes even more hopeful and confident that she really can start over.

"I have many goals. I want to get a job, save for a car, get an apartment and maybe even take college classes," she said. "Most of all, I want to help others who are in the same situation. Maybe do some volunteering, some counseling."

As for the future of her marriage, Isabel trusts that God will lead her in the right direction. She has no immediate plans for divorce. By law, she can't obtain one while pregnant.

"I feel for my husband and yes, I do love him. The Bible says that divorce is wrong, but I also know that God wouldn't want a man to take my life," she said.

Has Isabel filed charges against her husband? She looks down at her hands before she answers. "No, not yet," she said, and quickly added, "But I'm considering it."

OCTOBER IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH

Support domestic violence awareness

The public is invited to attend a candlelight ceremony in remembrance of 120 victims whose death was attributed to domestic abuse on Wednesday, Oct. 17, at 6:30 p.m. in front of the Humble City Hall.

Men are encouraged to take a stand against family violence by participating in The Bridge 2nd Annual Men's March on Saturday, Oct. 20, from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m., departing from South Houston Elementary School at 900 Main Street in Houston. For more information call Stephanie Pecora at 713-472-0753

IMPORTANT PHONE NUMBERS

FamilyTime Foundation in Humble offers free counseling services to victims of any type of abuse or violence. Parenting programs and anger management courses are offered at affordable rates. FamilyTime's battered women shelter The Door accepts residents without regard to geographic limitations. Call 281-446-2615 for more information.