How to buy gifts for other people's kids

My husband and I were the first in our group of friends to have kids. That was no coincidence – I mean, why would we be hanging out with people who have kids? They're boring! We didn't want them weighing down our footloose and fancy-free ways. And then we become them.

We’ve been lucky – most of our friends haven’t completely ditched us now. Even though they are untethered, they still happily meet up with us for brunch or come over for a BBQ. They are even nice enough to give our kids presents on their birthdays and at Christmas time. Great friends, right?

With Christmas behind us though, I look back on their generousity and realize … people who don’t have kids have no idea what to buy for them!

What seems like a really lovely gesture from my friends – and don’t get me wrong, it is a lovely gesture – can turn into an absolute nightmare for my husband and I. That noisy toy? Those sugary treats? That complicated puzzle? Nightmare!

Here are a few things I wish our friends knew…

No noisy toys

Before you give a gift that makes noise, try it five to 10 times in the shop and see if you find it annoying. You might think, “But who would do this 10 times in a row?” A kid would! And then 10 times more, and then 10 times more.

That fire truck with the shrill siren and the flashing lights? Bad idea. The kiddy guitar that plays in octaves that make dogs howl? Bad idea. An Elsa doll that plays “Let it go” on repeat? My daughter will love it – and I will hate you forever.

No sugar!

I try to limit my kids’ sugar intake. My daughter gets a marshmallow with her babychino and some cake at birthday parties and that’s about it. Call me uptight, but that is what we’ve decided. As I don’t want everyone knowing how uptight I am, I don’t really advertise our strictness.

This year, one of our good friends came over for a holiday BBQ and brought with him a wrapped present for our three-year-old daughter. She excitedly tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a giant box of donuts. As soon as the contents of the gift appeared, she and I made instant eye contact. In that silent exchange, we both relayed our knowingness of the tantrum that was about to ensue.

She, wisely so, picked up the box and ran for it. I tried to negotiate that she could just have one donut now and the others later (there were freakin’ 20!), but even that led to a huge fight. “One more Mama. Just one more!”

If you are unclear on your friends’ views on sugar, don’t do it!

Choose something age-appropriate

Those starbursts containing numbers on the toy packaging are there for a reason. This rule is important for the obvious reason of safety. Non-child-rearing people would be surprised at what a small kid can snap off and put up their nose or down their throat. If your kid gets to the age of six without a visit to the ENT, I think you should get a parenting award.

There’s another important reason for this rule though: parents’ sanity. You might think, “This puzzle says 5+. Taylor is only three, but it’s not like these puzzle pieces are small enough for her to choke on...”

My daughter loves that Dory puzzle, and she wants to do it ALL the time. The thing is, it's far too hard for her current cognitive ability, so guess who has to do it every time? Me! All by myself with her asking every other second, “Mama, where does this piece go? And this one? And this one?”

Think: how could this backfire?

This Christmas, my brother-in-law sent a pillow that you could draw on with markers. That was fun for about 10 minutes. Pillow done. Fun had by all!

Except, having developed a liking for this drawing on pillows thing, and now thinking it was allowed, my daughter then proceeded to draw over ALL of our pillows. Not cool!

Honestly, I don’t know what some of these toy manufacturers are thinking.